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ENTERTAINMENT FOR MEN = OCTOBER 1990 ° $3.95 
4 


SCHOOL FEARLESS 
DAZE! PREDICTIONS! 
PARTY COLLEGE ` 
WITH THE | 4 FOOTBALLS 
BEST AND 

GIRLS | WORST 
"je > BUSTER 
n DOUGLAS 

BIG ES adn Nut MAKES 
WEST AER = HIS MARK 
err MR STRAIGHT 

TALK 

FROM 

JAPAN'S 

NUMBER-ONE 

AMERICA 

BASHER, 

SHINTARO 


ISHIHARA 


ЦИ 


For people 
who like 
to smoke... 


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<> 
2. 
A 
© 
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== 
<> 
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ca 
<> 
MN 


VI та “tar” 0.8 mg nicotine av. per cigarette, by FIC method. 


1 


SURGEON GENERAL'S WARNING: Quitting Smoking F Г: 
Now Greatly Reduces Serious Risks to Your Health. 4 
|. 


The party begins. 


N 


“шла 
Fr 


up qur 
“= 
The more you drink, the БЕЛЕ coordination you 
lose. That's a fact, plain and simple. 
Still, people drink too much and then go out and 
expect to handle a car. 


When you drink too much you can't handle a car. 
You can't even handle a pen. 


The House of Seagram 


For reprints please write Advertising Dept. PR-85. 
The House of Seagram, 

375 Park Ave.. N Y. N Y 10152. 

©1906 The Howe of Seagram. NY 


Take a Hike—and do it with style. Whether it’s across a 
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PLAYBILL 


TOP TEN REASONS to read Playboy this month: 

10. Includes David Letterman's Top Top Ten Lists. 

9. More fun than the Congressional Record. 

8. Fabulous babes. 

7. Learn who Shintaro Ishihara is and why you should care. 

6. If you don't, youll have to answer to heavyweight champ 
Buster Douglas. 

5. No cholesterol. 

4. Surprise scratch n’ 

3. Custom Woodworking Guide was last month. 

2 Says you're a with-it kind of guy 

1. Did we mention the babes? 

Now imagine you hear Paul Shaffer and the World's Most Пап- 
gerous Band revving up as we unveil a big issue, а bountiful 
sue, a back-to-school issue. First there is Dave, with his Top Top 
Ten Lists (the book version is due from Pocket Books). But why is 
Letterman in a back-to-school issue, you ask? Simple: Many 
small-minded people describe his humor as sophomoric, so he is 
a natural. Jim Evans did the dangerous, Davesque illustration. 

But wail, we're not done with academics yet. Consider the Girls 
of the Big West. You'll remember that UNLV Киппі Rebels, the 
Big West basketball power, ran roughshod over the competition 
on their way to ап N.C.A.A. title last April. That school and its 
conference mates show a far friendlier side in this pictorial, pho- 
tographed by our favorite campus recruiter, Contributing Pho- 
tographer David Chan. 

While you're in a collegiate mood, check out our two fiction en 
tries. Ron Carlson’s Hartwell, illustrated by Edie Vonnegut, tells Ihe 
tale of a professor who's a fool for love—and for one lovely coed, 
particular. And our winning College Fiction Contest entry, The 
Night My Brother Worked the Header, by the University of Vir- 
ginia's Daniel Mueller, is a gripping story of lust and blood ties. 

After a you'll be ready to graduate to our 

other fantastic October offerings. Foremost among equals is the 
Playboy Interview with Shintaro Ishihara, а strong candidate to 
become Japans next prime minister. Ishihara, co-author of the 
flammatory tre: ‘he Japan That Can Say No, sounds off to 
ng Editor David Sheff about America’s alleged аш! 
а and industrial incompetence. 
; Ishihara doesnit say anything about incompetence 
in the boxing ring, or he'd have to try negotiating with James 
“Buster” Douglas, the man who conquered the “inv ble” Mike 
Tyson last February. Artist and writer Tony Fitzpotrick hung out with 
the champ on a recent visit to Chicago, and with his piece—/n 
This Corner, which he also illustrated—he catches a few swings at 
Don King and a private match-up with Muhammad Ali. 

Those who take college football seriously will want to study 
Playboys Pigskin Preview. Ace prognosticator Gary Cole, whose 
day job is Photography Dir nber one in his pre 
season picks last year, leaving Sports Illustrated, The Sporting 
Neus and the Associated Press in the dust. Also in a predict 
mood this month is car sage Ken Gross, who fires away with 
Playboys Automotive Report. Here is ev you necd to know 
about what's going to be | four wh the first dispatch 
in whats to be a quarterly series. And don't miss Fall and Winter 
Fashion Forecast, w or Hollis Wayne and 
photographed by Beth 

Rounding out the issue are Paul Englemen's spicy 20 Questions 
with Kiefer Sutherland, a star of Young Guns I and И and the 
paramour of one Julia Roberts, and tantalizing pietorials on Amer 
ican Gladiators’ ultravixen Moriso Paré and Pl: te Brittany York. 
So who needs a top-ten list? In this issue, the page numbers — 
сай stacked in your 
у Stupid Reader Tricks. such as stopping here. 


LETTERMAN EVANS 


VONNEGUT 


€ 


MUELLER 


с 


SHEFF 


COLE WAYNE, 


Playboy (ISSN 0052-1478), October 1990, volume 37, number 10. Published monthly by Playboy 
680 North Lake Shore Drive, Chicago, Illinois 60611. Second-class postage paid at Chicago, Ші 
Subscriptions: in the U.S., $26 for 12 issues. Postmast Idress change to Playboy, PO. Во 


007, Hart: Тома 51537-4007. 3 


THEYRE GOOD REASONS TO 
CONSIDER SELF-EMPLOYMENT 


BUGLE Bor MENS 


Lifes basic necessities. Food. Shelter. Lee jeans. 


You dont need a five hundred dollar suit to give you self-definition, You know who you are. You know 
what you Ike. That's the same ba: ab behind the way we make our joa Ve know who you are. 
We know what you like. Lee Riders: 

L E E е D Е R 5 


[m — brand that } 


PLAYBOY. 


vol. 37, по. 10—october 1990 CONTENTS FOR THE MEN'S ENTERTAINMENT MAGAZINE 
PLAYBILL ...... Я АТАН ТТІ 3 
DEAR PLAYBOY —Á— ( aU AUN So Rear aE n 
PLAYBOY AFTER HOURS . 15 
SPORTS ye РЕМ ЕССЕ а eyed duane ана ға DAN JENKINS 34 
MEN ЕТТЕ Ra СТ аа ево даек ане АОАНБВАВЕВ 96: 
WOMEN.......... Š ees. CYNTHIA HEIMEL 38 Bel 
THE PLAYBOY ADVISOR 4 
THE PLAYBOY FORUM... ........ ee OE 
REPORTER'S NOTEBOOK: 
DOES CENSORSHIP KILL BRAIN CELLS?—opinion ............ ROBERT SCHEER 55 
PLAYBOY INTERVIEW: SHINTARO ISHIHARA—condid conversation ...... e 59 
DAVID LETTERMAN'S TOP TOP ТЕМ LISTS—humer 72 
GLADIATOR MARISA PARE—pictorial .................. ЕРЛИК 128 
FALL AND WINTER FASHION FORECAST—fashion. ......... HOLLIS WAYNE 86 
THE NIGHT MY BROTHER WORKED THE HEADER-fiction...... DANIEL MUELLER 94 
PLAYBOY'S AUTOMOTIVE REPORT—erticle ....................... KEN GROSS 98 
IN THIS CORNER—playboy profile. NA erg TONY FITZPATRICK 100 
HAIL, BRITTANY—playboy’s playmate of the month ........................... 102 Hail, Briony P. 102 
PLAYBOY'S PARTY JOKES—humor uid ec EU LS REA ТПА 
НАЕГУУЕШ—В<Коп. ................. eee RON CARLSON 116 


PLAYBOY'S PIGSKIN PREVIEW sporls . GARY COLE 119 


20 QUESTIONS: KIEFER SUTHERLAND Be ҒЫН Ah XE DORE 124 

GIRLS OF THE BIG WEST—pictorial .................... "m ative, 126 
PLAYBOY ON THE SCENE ......................... лг 181 Hot Wheels 
COVER STORY 


Schools in session and Ploymate Melisso Evridge is hitting the books. Our 
cover wos designed by Junior Art Director Kristin Korjenek, styled by Lee Ann 
Perry ond shot by Contributing Photogropher Stephen Woydo. Melisso's 
lingerie is by Ronsard for М. A. Robinowitz, N.YC., and her eyeglass frames 
ore by Aloin Mikli fram Spex, Inc., Chicago, her hair ond make-up were 
styled by John Victor and Pat Tomlinson. Our Rabbit is so composed! - 


GENERAL OFFICES: PLAYBOY, 180 NONM LANE SHORE DRIVE, CHICAGO, LUNO'S 808, PLAYBOY ASSUMES NO RESPONSIBILITY TO RETURN URSOUCITED EDITORIAL OR GRAPHIC MATERIAL ALL тата IN LETTERS. 
ности ТОМАС AKO ©нагт MATERIAL WAL BE IHTATIO AS UMCONOEPERALLY ASSIGNED FON PUBLICATION AND COPTIMENT PURPOSES AND RATERIAL wi 


PLAYBOY 


How То ТОР 
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Exclusively from . . . you know who. 


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The Wrong Driver Is About to Get a Ticket 
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PLAYBOY 


HUGH М. HEFNER 
editor-in-chief 
ARTHUR ККЕГСНМЕК editorial director 
JONATHAN BLACK managing editor 
ТОМ STAEBLER art direcior 
GARY COLE photography director 


EDITORIAL 
ARTICLES: JON REZEK editor; PETER MOORE 
senior editor; FICTION: ALICE K. TURNER editor 
MODERN LIVING: DAVID STEVENS senior edi 
for; ED WALKER associate editor; BETH TOMKIW ах 
sistant editor; FORUM: TERESA GROSCH associate 
editor, WEST COAST: STEPHEN камоли. editor; 
STAFF: GRETCHEN EDGREN senior editor; JAMES и 
PETERSEN senior staff writer; BRUCE KLUGER. BAR 
BARA NELLIS, KATE NOLAN associate edilors; JOHN 
LUSK traffic coordinator; FASHION: HOLLIS WAYNE 
editor, WENN GRAY assistant editor; CARTOONS: 
MICHELLE URRY editor; COPY: ARLENE HOUR AS 
editor; LAURIE HOGERS assislant editor; MARY ZION 
senior researcher; LEE BRAUER, CAROLYN BROWNE 
BARI NASH. REMA SMITH researchers; CONTRIBUT- 
ING EDITORS: ASA BABEK. DENIS BOYLES, KEVIN 
COOK, LAURENCE GONZALES, LAWRENCE CHOBEL 
CYNTHIA HEIMEL. WILLIAM J. HELMER. DAN JENKINS. 
WALTER LOWE. JR., D. KEITH MANO. REG POTTERTON, 
DAVID RENSIN. RICHARD RHODES, DAVID SHEFE DAVID 
STANDISH, MORGAN STRONG, BRUCE WILLIAMSON 
(mies, SUSAN MARGOLIS-WINTER 


ART 
KERG POPE managing director; CHET SUSKI LEN 
WILLIS senior directors; BRUCE HANSEN, ERICSHROF 
SHIRE associate direclors; JOSEPH PACZEK assistant 
director; KRISTIN KOKJENER junior director; ANN 
затон. senior keyline and paste-up artist; тил. NEN 
WAY. PADE CHAN art assistants 


PHOTOGRAPHY 

MARILYN GRABOWSKI west coast editor; JEFF COMEN 
managing editor; LINDA KENNEY, JAMES LARSON 
MICHAEL ANN SULLIVAN asociate editors; РАТА 
BEAUDET assistant editor; POMPEO POSAR senior 
чай photographer; STEVE CONWAY assistant pholog- 
rapher; DAVID CHAN, RICHARD FEGLEY. ARNY 
FREYTAG. RICHARD 1201. DAVID MECEY. BYRON 
NEWMAN, STEPHEN WAYDA contributing. photogra: 
Мт; SHELLEE WELLS stylist; STEVE LEVITT color 
lab supervisor; JOHN GOSS business manager 


MICHAEL PERLIS publisher 
JAMES SPANFELLER associate publisher 


PRODUCTION 
JOHN MASTRO director; MARIA MANDIS manager; 
RITA JOHNSON assistant manager; JODY 1URGETO, 
RICHARD QUARTAROLI, CARRIE HOCKNEY assistants 


CIRCULATION 
BARBARA GUTMAN subscription circulation direc 
lor; ROBERT ODONNELL retail marketing and sales 
director: STEVE M. COMEN communications director 


ADVERTISING 
JEFFREY D. MORGAN associate ad director; SALES 
DIRECTORS: ROBERT MCLEAN wesi coast, STEVE 
MEISNER midwest, PAUL TURCOTTE new york 


READER SERVICE 
CYNTHIA LACEVSIRICH manager: LINDA STRON 
MIKE OSTROWSKI correspondents 


ADMINISTRATIVE 
EILEEN KENT editorial services Manager; MARCIA 
TERRONES rights ©? permissions administrator 


PLAYBOY ENTERPRISES, INC. 
TNER chairman, chief executive officer 


CHRISTIE H 


Only the bravest was chosen to 
tame the mighty Eagle. 


A Masterpiece in Porcelain by award- 
winning artist Robert F. Murphy. 
Created for the American Indian 
Heritage Foundation Museum. 


Powerful wings beat the air. Razor-sharp 
talons reach out to strike. But the warrior 
will not release his grip. 

He is EAGLEMAN. Bravest of the brave. 
He has captured the holy bird of the Ara- 
paho Indians. 

Now this dramatic moment is brilliantly 
portrayed in fine porcelain by a modern-day 
master. Every detail of the warrior's cos- 
Іште is authentically depicted. From the 
feathers in his topknot to the beaded crosses 
on his moccasins, 

Meticulously hand-painted and brimming 
with life. From the brave's arm bands to the 
eagle's rich, lifelike shadings. 

EAGLEMAN. A powerful, visionary 
work. An American master- 
piece, The price of $245 

includes a handsome 

hardwood base. 


A Franklin Mint exclusive. 


Every detail, down to the smallest 
feather. is intricately sculpted, pre- 
cisely defined. 


Please mail by October 31, 1990. 


American Indian Heritage Foundation 
Museum/C/o The Franklin Mint 
Franklin Center, РА 19091 


for EAGLEMAN, to 
porcelain and indi 


Please accept my ordi 
be crafted for n 


vidually hand- 
I need send no payment now. I will he 
billed for a deposit of 6494 prior to ship- 
йеп Ы Saul ee be ЫШ 
balance in four monthly installments of 
Hoe after shipment. 
т reihe site 


Sculpture shown smaller than ! 
actual size of 151, 3 SIGNATURE 
including hardwood base. 


MR/MRSIMISS 


ADDRESS 


CITY/STATE/ZIP 
— 11655-121 


ыи 


ANY T P OE Пу ANY WHE КЕ = ANY Bo DY 


DEAR PLAYBOY 


ADDRESS DEAR PLAYBOY 
PLAYBOY MAGAZINE 
680 NORTH LAKE SHDRE DRIVE 
CHICAGO, ILLINOIS 60611 


QUINCY JONES INTERVIEW 

1 have mixed feelings about the Playboy 
Interview with Quincy Jones in the July 
issue. The guy is indisputably a musical 
genius. However, his statements about the 
manifold blessings endowed by the v: 
rock aid concerts are not only dead wrong 
but dangerous. He should have paid at 
least passing attention to the exposés by 
William E Buckley, Jr., and others of what 
really went on with Ethiopia's fascist ruler 
Colonel Mengistu and his cronies. Briefly: 
The food sat on the docks rotting (what lit- 
Че was used was as a lure to trick dissidents 
out of the hills, after which they were сар- 
tured and relocated in the south to be 
worked—literally—to death), and the 
jeeps, which were supposed to be utilized 
to distribute the food, were immediately 
commandeered by the military: 

It was only American businessmen who 
profited (obscenely) from any of those 
knee-jerk aid concerts, and Jones aided 
etted that. ly reason for saint- 


ious 


Manhattan Beach, California 


y Jones should know that the m 
ber of blacks who are “carrying bags at the 
port or pushing fries at the Burger 
King" and who have master’s (or even 
bachelor's) degrees is pitifully small. Fur- 
thermore, while some Harlem and other 
inner-city preachers, aldermen, spokes- 
men, etc., were indeed screaming for help 
when the foot cops still could have stopped 
the drug epidemic in the street, Jones fails 
to mention that an equally vociferous 
ment of the black community still screams 
m,” “poli c tactics" or “bruta 
any attempt by law enforcement to 
пир the drug traffic. 


Arnold Muscat. 
Reno, Nevada 


MONEY AND KINK 

Thanks for the July Playboy Forum inter- 
view with Dr. John Money, “ Phe 
Good, the Bad and the Kinky, 
with sexual mental health. I agree with Dr. 


Money that we as a nation have becon 
quite sick, and I admire his eloquence 
exposing the recent spate of sex-bashing 
propaganda. 
Five years ago, after a 20-year marriage, 

I got divorced and started dating again. I 
found women to be more aggressive and 
liberated than when 1 last dated, but I also 
encountered a significant number of peo- 
ple—male and female—in the single world 
who treated sex as something nasty 1 found 
women who thought I should apologize for 
having a libido. Í was treated as if мете 
unhealthy for liking sex. 1 asserted that it 
was they who were unhealthy and that a 
robust interest in sex should be applauded, 
as itis in Europe, not condemned! 

Jim Green 

New Braunfels, Лех 


As a longtime Playboy subscriber and a 
longtime admirer of Dr. Money's work, 1 
must commend you for having the courage 
to publish an interview with him in July's 
Playboy Forum. Mis conclusions, drawn 
from 40 ycars of rescarch, may not be pop- 
ular given the sexual witch-hunt that h 
ack our society, but we should all listen 
ly to what he has to say. 
Reb Mor 
Hollister, 


WOMEN ON THE BATTLEFIELD? 

If I wore a hat, Pd take i 
Baber for his July Men column, “Are 
Women Fit for Combat?" I don't think an- 
other man could have written a better dis- 
cussion of such a touchy topic 

I agree with Baber, but as a woman, I 
know nothing makes us more determined 
than to hear a man tell us we aren't fit to do 
something. And I ask men, Whom would 
you rather have defending your life on the 
line а woman who has gone through hell 
to get there and wants to be there ora man 
who doesn't? 


off to Asa 


Beth Franklin 
Birmingham, Alabama 


1 have to agree with Asa Baber that 
women should not be allowed to serve in 


И) errs 


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Contact Us To Stop Unwanted Ad- 
vertising Mail. 

Most folks like advertising mail. 
They get special offers, sweepstakes 
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п 


PLAYBOY 


n 


front-line combat positions, The issue rests 
on whether or not women's presence in 
combat would be enough of a benefit to 
outweigh the resulting complications, 

A few problems Baber neglects to dis- 
cuss involve the relationships between 
male and female soldiers. The threat of 
sexual and verbal harassment is already 
problem that has been acknowledged by 
the Defense Department. Other problems 
are that many male commanders won't a 
sign women to certain jobs, and that some 
men have reservations about taking orders 
from women. 


Perhaps the most important concern is 
the possibility of пеш tion 
to female casualties is an issue that 


the media would probably exploit to the 
fullest, and public outcry would likely be 
the resul 


Jason Zasky 
New York, New York 


Come өп, Asa, stand up like a man and 
admit that you don't want women in com- 
bat. Don't straddle the fence with such 
thorny, macho phrases as, "Women 
equal to men, except...” Y 
that we are not psychologically ready to see 
mothers, daughters and wives return from 
combat in body bags. That may be true. 
Bur if that is so repulsive, why do we allow 
so many of them to be robbed, raped and 
killed on our own soil? 

We cannot wait until America feels th 
it is ready to accept women in the casualty 
s. И we waited until America felt it 
was ready for progress, blacks would still 
be in chains and women still unable to 
vote. Now is the time to include women in 
combat roles, before the budge x 


are 


ır excuse ік 


repo 


сш 


Mark S. Vitek 
Austin, Texas 


HE'S GOTTA HAVE IT? 

T's clear from Asa Baber's vec Men 
columns that he's having far too much fun 
in his work. This is in direct contradiction 
to the work ethic that made this country 
great. Did the man get laid or something? 
More Sturm und Drang, please. Let a bus 
run over his foot, or allow him to get an 
infected cuticle. Lers hear some тоге 
pain. 


Gregg Moscoe 
Playa Del Rey, С; 


А ROMANCE WRITER'S LAMENT 

Тат а writer of historical romance 
novels who considers herself a liberated 
woman. 1 have always enjoyed reading 
your magazine and think it is important 
for women to understand the male psyche. 
That is why Гат so disappointed in your 
article on romance books, A Mans Guide to 
Heaving-Bosom Womens Fiction (Playboy, 
May). Classifying them all as trash only 
proves your ignorance of the subject 
Many romance novels are excellent. I do 


extensive research for my books and ге- 
create as well I can the plots time 
period. Thus, I think my novels educate as 
well as entertain, 

1 would never refer to Playboy as trash. 
Therefore, | think it is unfortunate that 
you would take a cheap shot at a genre that 
indulges women’s fantasies in much the 
same way that your magazine represents 
men’s fantasies. Fantasy and escapism are 
healthy and fun. Why come down on a 
whole genre just because its marketed 10 
women? Shame on you for being chauvin 
istic! 

Romance authors are often unfairly 
stereotyped as frumpy love-starved 
housewives. Well, I'm not frumpy, Im not 
at all love-starved and I hate housework! 

Kathryn Kramer 
Boulder, Colorado 

Having seen, via the photo you enclosed, 

what the author of “Destiny and Desire” and 


“Desires Deception” looks like, we will never 
again think that authors are 


frumps 


romance 


WRONG WAR 

Robert Stone, in Fighting the Wrong War 
(Playboy, July), is absolutely right Мете 
losing the “war” on drugs just as surely as 
we lost in Vietnam, and for the same rea- 
son: IVs pointless to try to win by force 
what can be won only by knowledge. We 
read of big busts, tons of confiscated 
cocaine, jails filled 10 overflowing, but the 
bottom line is more drugs on the street at 
cheaper prices, 

Alcohol and cigarette use are declining, 
but not because of police or the courts. 
People are learning that that stuff. ain't 
good for them, Education and rehabilita- 
tion are the only way to win in the fight 
against drug abuse. 


п Korney 
Nebraska 


Norma 
Omah; 


CRACKDOWN 

Robert Scheer makes а pretty good 
argument in Reporters Notebook, “Crimes 
апа Misdemeanors” (Playboy, July) that 


United States citizens should question the 
way the ЕВЕ arrested Washington, D.C 
mayor Marion Barry—if for no other rea- 
son than that the arrest was made in a ter- 
ribly macho way. Certainly, the way the FBI 
used Rasheeda Moore, who had so much 
(her three children) on the line, was 
deplorable. 

But despite Scheer's compl: 
the FBI, E think that anyone who contem- 
plates the damage crack does to so many 
people can come to only one conclusion: It 
was crack, not Moore, that betrayed Mayor 
Barry 


n Hofer 
EIk Grove, California 


BODY DOUBLE 
Having known М 
whe 


rilyn Monroe briefly 
I worked as an extra on Bus Stop. 
l almost dropped the July Playboy in shock 
upon seeing Rhonda Ridley-Scou in the 
Body Double pictorial. Rhonda says, “When 
1 do her, I am Marilyn.” Is she ever! 
Thanks, Playboy, for a touching remem- 
brance. 


Lanny R. Middings 
Ramon, California 


The New York Yankees, when Joe 
DiMaggio was married to Marilyn, won 
American League pennants and World 
Series. Please tell Rhonda Ridley-Scott to 
call George Steinbrenner. If she can't wake 
up a dead team, nobody can. 

George Sidoti 

East Northport, New York 


THE BUNDY BRIGADE 

1 just finished Hanging Out with the 
Bundys, by Pamela Marin, in your July 
issue. When | read about the censor who 
thought that a creweut meant shaving 
pubic hair, I laughed so hard 1 had to put 
the magazine down 

It reminded me of an incident 1 heard 
about during the golden days of radio 
comedy. One comedian came up with a skit 
in which he came home and found his little 
son crying. When asked what was wrong, 
the boy sobbed, “Theres a strange man in 
Momma's room.” 

The comic rushed to his bedroom, 
found the strange man hiding in the 
closet, pulled him out and demanded. 
“What do you mean, scaring little kids? 

The network censor who killed that bit 
was fired. The idiot who made the ruling 
on crewcuts should have been fired, too. 

Bernhardt Sandler 
Venice, California 


1 wonder if housewife 
lerry Rakolta, who has it in for the 
Bundys, ever watches the Oscars or other 
award ceremonies on IV. If not, she 
should, because shell see more bared 
cleavage than they ever show on Mar 
ried... with Children 


Wayne Harrison 
St. David, Arizona 


є 1990 THE 500 FASHION GROUF 


is a Gladiator! 


ЛА 


Gladiator 8" Drop С 
who leave ord 


Sun JP Tooos Chornes 


BUFFALO KANSAS CITY PITTSBURGH 


views 890 
ШЫНЫ Sol i 
1" 


В 
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To pick up your own. FREE copy ofthe 
Official NFL Handbook from Miller, simply 
stop by the Party Zone display wherever 
' ` you buy Miller High Life, Miller Lite or 
Miller Genuine Draft. 
You can only get it through Labor Day. 
And with fans like him, you'd better 
. avoid the rush. 


PLAYBOY AFTER HOURS 


TO COMPUTE, PERCHANCE TO DREAM 


You say you dread seeing a FATAL. ERROR 
message on your IBM monitor? Or, if you 
use a Mac, do you dive for cover when you 
see that cutesy little homb signifying that 
something has gone so wrong that you'll 
have to start all over? The time is com- 
ing when you won't have to worry about 
data death. Some 
almost fix themselves 


new computers 


as well as think for 


can 


themselves, 

The road to artificial intelligence is 
hines 
are capable of comprehension and under 
standing. Cognizers learn from experi- 
ence. They can be hooked up to various 
sensors—audio, olfactory or optical—and 
make judgments and predictions based on 
past patterns. They also dream: Thats 
how they avoid fatal errors. 

The extrancous clutter from billboards, 
television and other unsolicited sources 
that our human neurons deliver to us dur- 
ing the day is stored in our short-term 
memory and can be flushed away in ош 
dreams, In the same way, the cognizer 
rests by running without input while it 
deletes the data that might otherwise 
overflow its capacity Carlos Tapang, the 


that 


being paved by cognizer 


founder of Syntonics Systems, a developer 


of cognizers, says a special circuit on his 
chips sen: 
triggers a compares 


R.E.M. (rapid cye movement). 


s the machine's need to dream 


and mode he to 


We wonder, where do the similarities 
between cognizers and humans end? If a 


cognizer has feelings, we may one day have 
to buy it a box of Godiva silicons to keep it 
happy: n 
about? Docs a cognizer get horny? Will 


And what exactly does it dr 


our next computer have wet dr 
on it. 


ns? Sleep 


COLD-BLOODED KILLER 


Whats the most recherché home appli- 
ance seven bucks can buy? The house 
gecko, a brownish-gray web-footed lizard 
that cats cockroaches. The all-natural 
exterminator is catching on rapidly in New 
York and Los Angeles. Can roach-ridden 
Miami be far behind? A New York pet 
store clerk tells us two lizards can easily 


handle an apartment, while six or seven 
can patrol a house. Ranging from an inch 
to a foot long. the gecko quietly roams the 
house at night while its owner sleeps. One 
drawback: Young male geckos are nearly 
indistinguishable from females; the unsus- 
pecting matchmaker may wind up with a 
herd on his hands—or walls 

You say you don't want a family of geckos 
roaming your crib? You just think they're 
cute? Buy a gecko T-shirt, a popular arti- 
fact among tourists іп Hawaii. We hear 
they re due on the mainland soon. 


ROT REPORT 


Schlock lovers, rejoice! Not every movie 
can be the next Attack of the Killer Toma- 
toes, but our regular reade 


know that 
prospects abound in the pages of Variety 
As a public service, we've compiled a list of 


upcoming gut wrenchers from a recent 


Variety release schedule: 

Alien Seed, Bad Girls from Mars, Ball 
buster, Barbarian Queen 11, Click: The Cal 
endar Girl Killer, Dead Women in Lingerie 
(with Lyle Waggoner), Death Spa, 
Flesh Gordon Mects the Cosmic 
Cheerleaders, Frankenhooker, Get the Terror 


luis 


Grave, 


ILLUSTRATION BY PATER SATO 


ists, Ghoul School, The Invisible Maniac 
The King of the Kick-Boxers, Lambadamy 
The Operation, 97. Ninjas, The Repossessed, 
Robo-C.H.1.C. (this one stars Playmate 
Kathy Shower), Robot Ninja, Rock 'w Roll 
High School Forever, Sexbomb, Sgt. Kabuki- 
man, NYPD, The Toxic Avenger Part HI: 
The Last Temptation of Toxie, Vampire Cop 
and the very promising Wolves, Sex and 
Rock (with Troy Donahue’). 

Look for those Hollywood scandals soon 
оп a video screen near you—few of them 
will ever make it to a multiplex near you. 
Ah, the classics. 


MAMMARY LANE 


"EASY VICTORY FOR BODACIOUS TIRS," 
the headline in The New York Times. 
the reader thinks, Whose tatas? 

Bodacious as is а race horse, a five- 
with a track record solid 


reads 


And 


year-old. mare 
cnough to have earned the New York Posts 
two-deck headline: 
TATAS BUSTING OUT IN FRONT,’ 


“AND THATS BODACIOUS 
Тһе bay filly 
than $300,000 
owner 


for her 
and 


has won more 
veterinarian-houscbuilder 
trainer, John Kimm 

While Bodacious Ta Ta was also a 1984 
movie starring Kitten Natividad, Kimmel 
first heard the term spoken by the actor 
David Keith in An Officer and a Gentleman 
The rest is history. Now West Coast ТУ sta- 
tions that don't normally follow New York 
and New Jersey horses have a voracious 
appetite for videos of Bodacious Tatas’ tri- 
umphant runs. And Edward Bowen, edi- 
tor of The Blood Horse, a racing journal, 
denounces Kimmel and his ilk as “smut 
ferreters.” The less judgmental New York 
Times put Tatas in its headline because, as 
a Times reporter commented, “What else 
can you do, as long as The Jockey Club 
anctions the name?” As the organization 
isters Thoroughbreds and their 


The Jockey Club turned down 
Bodacious 
agreed to re 
What gr 
for his next Thoroughbre 


Latas at least once before it 
ister the 
handle has Kimmel picked 
2 After ће 
forgive us—tatanic success of Bodacious 
Tatas, he figures that The Jockey Chub 
is likely to be scrutinizing future titles 


me. 


15 


16 


RAW 


QUOTE 


"One thing Гус 
arned. № таце 
what you say, по mat- 
ter what the news 
people will 
respond to your tie 
to anything 
BROR AM, 
NBC news anchor 


BAD HABITS. 


Percentage of men 
who snack daily, 40.7; 
of women, 375. 

. 

Percentage of men 

е five or 
more drinks in one 
е the past 
of women, Nen 

per month. 


Percentage of men who sleep six 
hours or fewer on an average night, 
227; of women. 214. 

. 

Percentage of men who 
breakfast, 25.2; of wome 

. 

Percentage of men who аг 
percent above desirable weight, 19. 
women, 137 


SECONI 


Number of marriages in one year per 
10,000 single women, 589: per 10,000 
divorced women, 807. 


ways skip 


leası 30 
ol 


Number of marriages in one year pe 
10,000 single men, 488; per 10.000 d 
vorced men, 1157. 


SO HOT FOR YOU 


Rating by Midwesterners who were 
asked to measure their feelings for 
George Bush on an imagi ther- 
mometer, with 50° 
T 3 


‘Temperature for Mikh 
56% for Dan Quayle, 42°. 


FACT OF THE MONTH 


The fastest-grow 
the United States is Las Vegas, 
da, at 5000 new residents 


DATA 


ATEASE 


Number of people 
who visit the Lib- 
erace Museum in an 
average di 
number who visit 
Graceland, 1658; who 
sit the White Hou 
6923; who visit Di 
neyland, 36,986; who 
visit Май Disney 
Center, 


entage of adult 
Americans who shoot 
pool at least once a 
year, 19; who lift 
weights, 20; who bowl, 
23; who ride a bicycle, 
31; who swim, 41. 


CLOCK PUNCHING 


Amount of Lime 
an average American 

needs to work to purchase a loaf of 
bread, 12 minutes; to purchase a pair of 
men's shoes, nine hours, 48 mi s 
purchase a suit, 19 hours, 
utes; to purchase a color TV, 34 hours, 
18 minutes; to purchase a small car, 686 
hours, 16 minutes. 

. 

Amount of time an average Soviet 
needs to work to purchase a loaf of 
5 utes; to purchase а pair 
1 hours, seven minutes; 
suit, 128 hours, 48 
to purchase a color TV, 681 
x minutes; to purchase a small 
сағ, 7935 hours, 54 minutes. 


WOMEN'S WORK 


Percentage of doctors 
were female, 13; in 1988, 20. 
. 
Percentage of police officers in 1975 


g city in 


Percentage of computer systems ana- 
lysts in 1975 who were female, 14.8; in 
1088, 


. 
Percentage of bu 


drivers 1975 


who were female, 377; in 1988, 48.5. 
. 


Percentage ol sand judges in 
1975 who were female, 71; іп 1988, 
195. 


with increasing prudence. Right now, 
Kimmel owns a mare named French Muff 
d а breeding (mating) to Spectacular 
Bid. Pondering their hypothetical issue, he 
sighs and says, “We know they're not going 
to allow Spectacular Muff.” 


White's back. 


They used to make fun of him. Comedian 
Franklyn Ajaye called him The Walrus of 
Love. But only legends earn that kind of 
recognition and Barry White (backed by his 
Love Unlimited Orchestra) is a legendary 
crooner, In the Seventies, his “Never, Never 
Gonna Give Ya Up," “Um Gonna Love You 
Just a Little More, Baby" and “Loves 
Theme” were monster hits. And now, as the 
title of his current AFM album says, “The 
Man Is Bach.” Marking the occasion, Con- 
tributing Editor Walter Lowe, Jr., talked with 
White after his opening night at Chicago's 
Regal Theater 
mavnoy: The most significant develop- 
ment in popular music since your last 
gold album is rap. You're a master of 
melodies—does rap get c ? 


warre: There's good a 
тар I love: Heavy D., LL Cool J, Kool Moe 
Dee. I just cut a rap thing with Big Daddy 
Kane. Rap is an entertainment for young 
people who cant sing—pcople who don't 
have а lot of musical talent go into that 
world. But people can hear only so much 
rap music on the radio—they'll grow tired 
of 
PLAYBoy: Speaking of fickle audiences, back 
in the late Seventies, the music industry 
was flooded with falsettos. Michael Jack- 
son, the Bee Gees and Eddie Kendricks 
pushed growlers like you out of the mix 
n you compare the appeal of the tenor 
h that of the bass? 

warte: ‘Tenors are very valuable artists 
because a woman can sing along with them 
in her key But with а voice like Barry 
Whites, all she can do is listen. There's 
something about a singer with a deep voice 
that makes a woman feel she's dealing with 
a man. A man knows how to treat a 
woman. A boy doesnt 

mayo: We presume, then, that we speak 
for more than just ourselves when w 
welcome back, Barry 


The coins that teach you all about the world you live in. 


COIN SETS OF ALL NATIONS 


The Canadian 25 
cent coin bears a 
striking design 
portraying the 
head of a caribou. 
It symbolizes the 
beauty and variety 
of wildlife in this 
North American 
nation. 


The Republic of 
Malta 25¢ piece 
is octagonal in 
Һаре and minted 
in brass. It bears 
the new cont.of 
arins of Malta, 
celebrating its 
birth as 
democratic 
republic. 


® Rand McNally & Company. Reprinted by permission 


The Indonesian 
100-Rupiah coin 
emphasizes the United 


and shows а typical 
family dwelling of 
the country, The reverse 


The Republic of Cl 

50 Peso piece features 

a stirring portrait of the 
country's national hero, 
Bernardo O'Higgins 

This design has been used 
since 1975, when the peso 


маз ге 


ed as a unit of 


currency by the Chilean 


government. 


All coins shown actual size 


50 Cent piece 
is an unusual 


Brisbane in 
1982. 


By arrangement with government officials throughout the world. 
An unprecedented collection impossible to assemble in any other way. 


The coin is a treasure house of knowledge. 
Royal crests, historical events, portraits of 
national heroes, important commemorations, 
natural wonders, scientific achievements — 

all аге portrayed on coins. And the national 
coinage of a country reflects its history, tradi- 
tion and cultural heritage. 


Official 


Official 
ромтак or 


Definitive stamp 
of te issuing 
issuing nation nation. 


NOTE: The coins shown are for illustration purposes only and may vary depending on regulations. 
bility or changes by countries. The stamps illustrated will not necessarily 


For that reason, collecting coins can be 
extremely rewarding. For it is a way for every 
member of the family to learn about other 
countries of the world. 

Because of the educational value of coin 
collecting, The Franklin Mint is now issuing 
an unprecedented collection of the circu- 
lating coins of the world. Each complete coin 
set will be sent in a sealed cachet that protects 
the coins. And each cachet will bear a stamp 
and official postmark of the country of issue. 


More than 100 countries 
of the world are represented 


To assemble the “Coin Sets of All Nations” 
collection, The Franklin Mint made special 
arrangements with the central banks and 
monetary authorities of more than 100 соіп- 
suing nations — and with the postal author- 
ities of those nations. Every country that 
regularly mints and issues coins will be 
represented in the collection, except where 
prohibited by government regulations or ге- 
strictions on availabi 

The result will be a comprehensive соПес- 
tion of fascinating mint-fresh coins that would 
be extremely difficult to assemble even if 
you were to travel to every one of the coin- 
issuing countries. 

‘The coins in this series are outstanding for 
their beauty, historical importance and inter- 
esting themes. Furthermore, they include 
coins of several different shapes—and are 
minted in various metals. 

Specially written reference information 


(bosc affixed to the c; 


will be sent along with each coinage set. 
You will also receive a set of four handsome, 
hardbound cases 10 store and protect your 
coinage cachets. 

“Coin Sets of All Nations” will not be sold 
through any coin dealers or stores. It can be 
obtained only from The Franklin Mint. The 
price for each coin set is $22.50, with no 
added charge for the four storage cases. 

"To subscribe, please mail your application 
by October 31, 1990. 


COIN SETS OF ALL NATIONS 


Please mail by October 31, 1990. 
Limit of one collection per person. 


‘The Franklin Mint 
Franklin Center, Pennsylvania 19091 


Enter my subscription for Coin Sets of All Na- 
tions, consisting of more than 100 mint-fresh 
sets of circulating coinage from every nation in 
the world thatregularly mints and issues coins, 
except where prohibited by government regu- 
lations or restrictions on availability. The coin 
sets will be sent at the rate of two per month, 
and the price for each coin set is 822.50." 

I need send no payment now. | will be billed 
in advance for each monthly shipment of two 
coin sets (no charge for the storage cases) 


*Plus ту state sales tax and 
а otal of $1.90 shipping and handling for both sets 


SIGNATURE 
MRMRSIMISS. 
PLEASE PNT CLEARLY. 
ADDRESS. 
CITY/STATE/ZIF = 
82278-72 


AN 


18 


MOVIES 


By BRUCE WILLIAMSON 


ANOTHER STYLISH and stunning movie fre 
the Coen brothers, Millers Crossing (Fox) 
will open the New York Film Festival this 
year. Like Blood Simple, the 1984 sleeper 
that made their reputations, this film has 
what it takes to succeed. Director Joel 
Coen co-authored the trenchant sereen- 
play with his brother Ethan, who double; 
s producer. This is a gangland drama of 
the old school, set in 1929 in a nameless 
city under Mob rule. Albert Finney plays 
Leo, the reigning political boss; Gabriel 
Byrne is his henchman Тот. These guys 
are at war with each other because they 
both want the same woman (movie new- 
comer Мағ iemorable 
simulta- 
ly at odds with a powerful hood 
med Johnny Caspar (Jon Polito). The 
plot has the energy of a cyclone, sweeping 
s characters into a whirlwind of sex, 
force- 
ful company, John Turturro (see Sepiem- 
ber’s Off Camera) steals scenes wholesale as 
n unprincipled bookie named Bernie, 
who thickens a plot already crowded with 
double-dealers. Millers Crossing is a new, 
improved film noir, with the tone and tex- 
ture of the grand shoot-'em-ups they used 
to make when Cagney was a kid. ууз 
E 

4 with the hyperactive action 
movies splattering movie screens lately, 
Presumed Innocent (Warner) is an exciting, 
1 whodunit that will probably work 
best for viewers who don't know the end 
ing. For the ns who have а 
read the gripping best 

‘ow, di 


treachery and intrigue. Despite hi 


pted by P. 
Frank Pierson) still holds up as a stark tale 
of i 4 bloody murder. На 

rison Fd ves a mesmerizing p 
ney accused of 


ance 


s a pros 


killing a bitchy blonde fellow lawyer (Greta 
Scacchi, strutting her stuff in a series of 
sexy flashbacks) who had und 


plenty. His career collapses, a es his 
jage (to Bonnie Bedelia, excellent a 
the wife). Raul Julia, Brian Dennehy and 
Paul Winfield shine as variou 
and opponents. OF necessity, some libertic 
ken with Turow’s book, and the polit- 
ical background of the story is muddled, to 
say the least. Even so, Presumed Innocent 
has tremendous emotional heat and hold- 
ng power. WY 


. 
Christian Slater does his Jack Nicholson 
mitation to advantage as a high school boy 

who secretly operates a radio station by 

night in Pump Up the Volume (New Line) 

“Hard Harry” plays subversive music, pre- 

tends to masturbate at the mike and 

preaches all sorts of liberation to hi 
teenaged peers. They love him for it—par- 


Byme, Harden make the Crossing. 


The Coen brothers, 
Pakula and company 
dish up socko films. 


ticularly the schoolgirl (Samantha Mathis) 
who discovers his identity. Pump is an 
unusually cogent look at teenage angst 
from writer-director Allan Moyle, His 
movie may be full of plot holes, but there's 


true gril at its core. жуу 
. 

A poor, fairly handsome Italian im 

migrant goes to work as a hand: п fora 


sexy local widow jerkwater Colorado 
town back in 1928, with predictable re- 
sults, in Май Until Spring, Bandini (Orion 
Classics). Things turn out OK whe 
seasons change and the 


young son (Michael Bacall) coaxes him 
ісуі (Ornella 


back to their grieving тошт 
Muti). With Joc Мате 
Dunaway as the workman and the widow, 
Bandini is sweet, slightly flat and old-fash- 
ioned but well-acted from first to la 
Probably easier to watch than John E 
novel, adapted for the scree 
care by director Dominique Derudde: 
to read. vy 


. 

Medical students help one another die, 
then return from the dead “to see if there's 
anything out there Flatliners (Colum- 
bia). Director Joel Schumacher (who made 
а much better movie called The Lost Boys 
three ye: approaches writer Peter 
ilardi's screenplay in a murky style t 
looks more like a horror film than like 
high-tech science fiction. The fiv 
less involved are Kiefer Sutherland, 
Roberts, Kevin Bacon, William Bald- 
win and Oliver Platt, who do everything 


well but can't conquer the inherent foolish- 
ness of a movie that makes their after- 
death head trips seem trivial. All except 
Baldwin (Alec's brother) relive some child- 
hood trauma “haunted by these 
es of women I video-taped without 
knowing” Baldy 
is the only pulse-quickening aspect of 
Flatliners, the title of which refers to the 
line that or when 
a patients Despite 
a provocative movie is 
D.O.A. жу 


's bedside camer: 


appears on a m 
al functions fail. 
premise, this 


. 

Among the crowd-pleasing action hits 
likely to last all summer, Days of Thunder 
(Paramount), with Tom Cruise as a stock- 
car racer, w the Shattered Eardrum 
award for excellence between pit stops. 
Cruises superstar vehicle—so perfect! 
programed by its makers that you can 
practically hear their wheels spinning—is 
noisy, smooth and entirely predictable. 
The movies best scene has Топ and his 
archrival (Mi el Rooker) racing down a 
hospital corridor in wheelchairs. The rest 
charts the saga of an upstart contender 
who wins big, falls in love with a beautiful 
neurologist (Nicole Kidman), learns fear, 
then conquers all with a major victory at 
Daytona. All anyone needs to know about 
the racing € pplied by Robert 
Duvall in a premium performance as the 
mentor who steers Cruise's career. YY 

. 

One of Frances major rece 
end Nothing But (Orion СІ 
€ hor and director Beru 
nier. Lushly atmospheric and original, an 
epic with a heart, Life may have too slow 
a beat for many American audiences. 
Philippe Noiret, the veteran French actor 
whos almost an titution іп himself, 
plays a lonely army officer who helps 
families locate their dead on the battle- 
ids of World War One. Among those 
searching the relics—wallets, helmets, 
notes, frayed photographs—is an aristo- 
cratic widow (Sabine Azema) who doesnt 
know that her missing husband was also 
the paramour of the young woman 
(Pascale Vigna) who's ing any 
iemento of the soldier she loved. The sub- 
tle, convoluted interplay between Noiret's 
cent colonel and the widow provide 
erpoint to the mood, music and 
scenery of a movie best suited to people 
who thrive on subtitles. ұй 

. 

The time of Hardware (Millimeter) is 
“the cyberpunk future” On the radio, 
there's only bad news. Breeding has been 
banned, which does not rule out occasional 
coupling for a heavy-metal sculptress 
(Stacey Travis) and her beau (Dylan 
McDermott), who brings her the odd bits 
of junk he scavenges. One piece of debris 


nt hits is Life 
ssics), from 


ca 


Fahey china days ara over 
OFF CAMERA 


Handsome new Hollywood he- 
man Jeff Fahey, 34, was last se 5 
"Theresa Russell's amorous colleague 
in Impulse. He will next go head to 
head with Clint Eastwood in While 
Hunter, Black Heart—Clint thinly 
disguised as the late John Huston; 
Jeff as the brainy writer of a movie 
much like The African Queen. He 
has spent years shedding his ima 
as the swarthy bad guy of such flicks 
as Silverado and Psycho HI. “1 was 
sually the heavy,” says Fahey, “and 
in Hollywood, they sort of pigeon- 
hole you. The rent has to be pai 
the beginning, so you go with it." 
20, he was a commercial fisherman 
on Cape Cod. Before that, he'd 
spent three ve y the world, 
hitcht spired by Jack 
Kerouac’s On the Road to rove and 
“piss from the back of a flat-bed 
truck.” During a year in Israel, "I 
worked on a kibbutz and on а con- 
struction job because 1 was broke. 
Now I get paid to explore,” says the 
ex-hitcher, “and I don't have to use 
my thumb.” 

Separated “after living with a girl 
for six years,” Fahey owns a ranch in 
Colorado, where he'll build а hou 
Meanwhile, he shares his Studio 
ty California, digs with his par- 
ents and five brothers, all from a 
working-class household in South 
Buffalo, New York. His si 
in movies, too—beh 
“I get them in when I can. Hey, we're 
an Irish-American family and we 
try to keep everybody's head above 
[ эп {тот 

to romantic roles, 
is now sailing along. 
nsylvania steelwork- 


ТУ series, Paster Kane, for produc- 
ег Joel Silver. “He did Mel С 
Lethal Weapon, Bruce Willis’ Die 
Hard and both sequels. If 1 
I'l be a private investigator with ап 
edge of humor.” Kane sounds like a 
potent title role. Fahey agrees: 
“Smile when you say that.” 


shapes up as a killer cyborg, which tries to 
пр every living thing to shreds. Travis is 
trapped in her apartment with the mon- 
ster, and writer-director Richard Stanley 
won't quit while there’s a limb, or an eye- 
ball, that has escaped. drowning in his 
computerized blood bath. ¥ 
. 

Plane crashes and other explosions 
cause most of the nonstop e 
Bruce Willi 
Right-wing terrorists taking over an air 
port in Washington, D.C., plan to hijack a 
plane bringing a Noricga-type dictator 
(Franco Nero) to face US. justice. Another 
aircraft up there in the unfriendly skies 
n Willis wife (Bom 
, again). Of course, his insouciant 
assurance sets just the right tone for a pre- 
posterous high adventure that gives 
hordes of thrill-hungry customers exactly 
what they want. УУУ 

. 

Bill Murray wears a painted smile, 
baggy pants and floppy shoes in the early 
recls of Quick Change (Warner) He's 
dressed as a clown for а bank-robbing 
caper, and a few of his bits are funny. The 
fun pates fast, though, after the 
scheme behind the scam is clarified. Geena 
Davis and Randy Quaid play Murray's eas- 
ily rattled confederates, with Jason Ro- 
bards in an authoritative stint as a police 
chief trying to figure out what's going on. 
All the performers look befuddled at 
times, probably wondering—with rea- 
son—why their agents considered Quick 
Change a good career move. Unh-unh. YA 

. 

In Ghost (Paramount), Patrick Swayze— 
still a hunk when he whips his shirt off — 
recaptures much of the romantic image 
that gave a lift to Dirty Dancing. This time, 
he's а murder victim brought back as an 
unwilling phantom to find his killer and 
save his former girlfriend (Demi Moore) 
from a similar fate. The only person who 
can hear him, though, is a pseudo psychic 
reader with supernatural powers she 
never knew she had. Whoopi Goldberg 
plays the psychic with wry disbelief, while 
Moore, Swayze and Tony Goldwyn (see Au- 
gusts Off Camera) help whip up some 
movie magic ul rection of 
Jerry Zucker suspenseful. witty 
and... well, spirited. vvv 

. 
_A pair of precoci ous children fake a reli- 


efforts, awesome things happen, 
some of them designed to buck up anxious 
small-town Americans during the bad old 
days of the Cuban Missile Crisis. Dont 
worry about it. The whole business is sim- 
ply show business for Tèri Garr as the 
young mom who inherits the decrepit 
diner, and for rley MacLaine as her 
doity old aunt. While the actresses spin in 
place every chance they get, Light sputters 
around them like a damp rocket. ¥ 


MOVIE SCORE CARD 


capsule close-ups of current films 
by bruce williamson 


After Dork, My Sweet (Reviewed 8/90) 
The dame courting trouble is Rachel 
Ward. за 
Chicago Joe and the Showgirl (9/90) Bad 
seeds wreak havoc in wartime Lo 
don. wh 
The Cook, the Thief, His Wife & Her Lover 
(4/90) Controversial erotica set in an ех 
tremely odd restaurant. wh 
Days of Thunder (< 
cruising, loud and clear. жү 
Dick Tracy (9/90) Beatty's majesti 

book hero fills the screen 
Die Hard 2 (See review) Hell to pay at an 
airport, with Bruce Willi vvv 
Flatliners (See review) Deadly: YA 
The Freshman (9/90) The real show is 
Brando’ droll Godfather parody. ¥¥¥ 
Ghost (See review) Some laughs and a 
new life for Patrick Swayze. wy 
Hordware (See review) Another man- 


eating mechanism with a screw loose. ¥ 
Henry: Portrait of Serial Killer (7/90) A 
shocker, so brace yourself. wy 
The Killer (8/90) He's not Bruce Lee, but 

w 
Life ond Nothing But (See review) Fine 
hut leisurely French drama. wu 
Life Is a Long Quiet River (9/90) A pair of 
babies switched in France. vvv 


Longtime Companion (6/90) Take out your 
handkerchicís for a wrenching, poign- 
ant comedy about the AIDS сі wy 
May Fools (7/90) The French aristocracy 
coming to terms with revolution. УУУ 
Metropolitan (8/90) Being young, 
spoiled and beautiful in Gotham. УУ 
Miller's Crossing (See review) Gangsters 
do their damnedest for the Coens. ¥¥¥¥ 
The Misadventures of Mr. Wilt (8/90) His 


best goof is a life-sized doll. Y 
Navy SEALS (9/90) Amphibious hot-shots 
take on terrorists in Beirut. wy 
Presumed Innocent (See review) Turow's 
book in a dandy film version. ww 
Pump Up the Volume (See review) A pirate 
radio station captures the kids. wy 


QuiekChange (See review) Clowning with 
Bill Murray on a mostly so-so caper. Y 
Tie Me Up! Tie Me Down! (7/40) Spain's 
wayward Almodóvar directs a naughty 
romantic comedy about tough love. ¥¥¥ 
Total Recall (9/90) Arnold goes to Mars 
and gets the red planet rolling. viv 
The Unbelievable Truth (9/90) Amusing 


even when you can't swallow it. w 
Waiting for the Light (See review) Те 

and Shirley, dimmer in the diner. Y 
Weit Until Spring, Bandini (Sec review) 
Dunaway meets a working stiff. vv 
The Witches (7/90) British lads turned 
into mice by Anjelica Huston. wh 


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VIDEO 


BRUCE ON VIDEO 
‘our movie critic goes to the tape 


Novels turned into movies arent always as 
successful as, say, Gone with the Wind. 
Some stories get lost on screen, some are 
actually improved upon and some deserve 
to be dusted off for a second look—if not a 
second reading. 

High and Low: Leucr-boxing, 
space above and below, preser 
sereen look and makes subtit 
follow in Akira Kurosaw 
thriller based on an Ed Ме 
Kings Ransom, With Toshiro Mifune 
rin nd-robbers yarn becomes ex- 


hi 


with dark 
s the wide- 
s casier to 


n novel, 


novel was hilar 
by actor Alec Guin 
oddball painter С 
ve portrait of a modern artist 
ected by Ronald Neame in 19 
Lolita: Sue Lyon as the nymphet—with 
James Mason, Shelley Winters and Peter 
ellers in superb supporting roles—in di- 
Kubrick's neglected 1962 
Лаан Nabokov classic 

: "Something to offend every- 
was the ad slo for this 1965 film 
austic send-up of 
rites, featuring John Gielgud. 
Jonathan Winters and other stars galore. 
3:10 to Yuma: Elmore Leonard wrote the 
book: Van Heflin and Glenn Ford appear 
in this intense 1957 psychological drama 
about a harried farmer and a crook held 
hostage. Suspense on а very tight timc- 
table, — BRUCE WILLIAMSON 


. who memorably 
Hey Jimson 


deftly di: 


one" 


VIDBIT 


Vi со Catalog Tip of the Month: Be- 
ing high-quality tapes (“The 
э masters are tak- 
en directly from film") and a massive 
ly 900 titles of obscure hor 

се fiction and other related. 
). the Sinister Cinema video catalog 
И nothing else, а lun read. And the 
y as formidable: standard horror 
(Bela Lugosi, Lon Chaney, Jr.): Fifties 54 


SHORT TAKES 


Dizziest Video of the Month: The Merrie Mon- 
arch Hula Festival, 1987: Miss Aloha Hula 
Competition, Best Video Groundbreaker: Tips, 
Tricks and Problem Solvers for the Hand 
weaver; Best Vidgift for Nancy Reagan: Inter- 
preting the Natal Chart. Kinkiest-Sounding 
Sports Video: Essential Strokes—The Basic 
Game; Favorite Video Duos: Clowns and Chil- 
еп: Second-Favorite Video Duos: Frogs and 
Toads; Best Oh, No! Video: ABBA Again; Best 
Its-a-Living Video: Traction Today; Best Thrill- 
a-Minute Video: The Squat 


(Attack of the Giant Lreches); sword-and- 
sandal epics (Hercules in the Haunted 


World); “Trailers of Terror” (classic pre- 
views of coming attractions); “Drive-in 
double features — i 


mission promos (floating I 
popcorn and Coke); juvenile schlock (Но 
Rod Girl, Teenage Wolfpack)—even the 
original Ralph Byrd Dick Tracy serials of 
the Thirties and Forti ve the Sinister 
folks a call at 41 2. or write 
them ster Cinema, PO. 
Pacifica, California 94044. 


VIDEO SIX-PACK 
back-to-school videos 


Time to shake the sand from your shoes 
and get back to the books. Here are six 
videos that may make academia seem less 
academic 

The College Success Video: One-stop shop- 
ping. Covers the transition to college-level 
coping with competitive pr 
ring reasonably sane in the 
process (Iwin lower Entery $39.95). 
A Guide to Successfully Comp! the College 
Financial Aid Form: If you need more ex- 
planation, vou dont belong in college 
(Vid es; $29.95). More advanced stu 
dents might go straight 10 How to Borrow 
Money Successfully (New Jersey Network; 
224.95) or Using Credit Wisely (Beacon 
; $149). 
Exam Preparation: 
strategies, plus how to handle ex 
and schedule your preparation time (Bea- 
con Films; $140). 
Career Plonring: 
right? Features a self-e' 


and r 


Fil 


Study and tesctaking 


m stress 


This is what it's all abe 
ination of у 


BUST SLT 


Sloe-eyed Lee Grant 
copped an Oscar for 
acting in 18755 Sham- 
poo and directed the 
1986 Oscar-winning 
documentary Down and 
Dut in America. She's 
Currently engaged in 
iplines, co- 

starring with Meryl 
Streep and Albert Brooks in Defending Your Life 
and directing а “Capraesque comedy” starring 
William Petersen. Not surprisingly, Grant doesn't 
just watch videos—she studies them. “Ingmar 
Bergman has a big influence on me,” she says. 
“And when the material is right, Michael Cimino 
and Francis Ford Coppola create a certain virili- 
ty. a tremendous vigor and power.” For acting 
inspiration, Grant checks out Kate Hepburn in 
Sylvia Scarlett, Greta Garbo in Camille, James 
Spader in sex, lies, and videotape, Joan Cusack 
in Working Girl and Henry Fonda in The Grapes of 
Mrath. She also admits to а sneaking fondness 
for her own Valley of the Dolls gig. “| got to 
sing—badly—and play а bed scene wearing а 
bra. 1 loved playing a character who'd clearly, 
um, gotten her skirts dirty. Know what | mean?” 
Yop. —LAURK FISSINGER. 


goals and prioritie: 
come up witl rack that satisfies 
the inner and outer you. (Journal Films & 
Үідес TERRY CATCHPOLE 


саге‹ 


FEELING STAR-STRUCK 


Born on the Fourth of July (one-time teen love toy Tom 
Cruise earns stripes in Oliver Stones Vietnam-vet biopic); 
Driving Miss Doisy (Morgon Freeman drives, Jessico Tandy 
mellows ond everyone feels nice); 


line to Five (the originol 


FEELING FAMILIAL 


working girls, Jone, Lily ond Dolly, rebel in the perfect 
Labor Doy rewind). 
All Dogs Go to Heaven (Don Bluth's Disneyesque tole of an 


orphon моќ and her loyal Alsotior); The Dark Crystal (the ` 
lote Jim Hensons technicolly stunning tale ë lo Tolkien); 
The Secret of NIMH (Bluth agoin—this time serving up on 
animated mouse and a decent moral). 


Chloe in the Afternoon (Eric Rohmer's sixth "Мага! Tole” of o 
married moris alluring mistress); The Love Goddesses 


FEELING SEXY {exquisite 1965 documentary an screen sirens, resplend- 
ent on laser disc); La Toya Jackson (а cancer! of hat funk 
fram the Jackson with spunk). 

Peter Pan (Mary Martin champians childhood in the high- 
flying NBC-TV classic; a vid-library keeper); The Sound of 
FEELING TUNEFUL 


Music, The King and 1, South Pacific, Oklchoma!, State Fair 
and Carousel (CBS/Fox’s sing-along sextet af Radgers and 
Hommerstein classics; nat a dud in the bunch). 


21 


AIR WING TIP 


with patented a 
are technologically just like the 
Michael Jordan in flight. Unlil трі 
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comfort and style in the board 
three dress shoes will be 
including the dasic wing 

shown here, а cap-toc shoe w 
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Ке 
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tyles, including: 
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partment and specialty stores this fall, priced from abom $210 10 
$260. (For information on Where & How to Buy, see page 180.) 
Who knows, maybe next we'll be pumping up our pei 


THE GASTRONOMIC UNDERGROUND 


Famed Los Angeles restaurant Ma Maison is stoking the fire 


fight between 
The first Monda 
themsel 


now fi 
g from а “buller - Edible 
casings of frankfurters at ball parks are 
nmick from hot-dog land. Our advice: 
mustard. . . . Pass оп the popcorn— 
Adlanta-base is serving up beer and 
pizza, among other tempting treats, in its growing chain 
of intermediate-run movic/din crs. The concept 
hit, with new locations sprout fast as 
say The Cook, the Thief, His Wi Jozs Laundeı 
Chicago has put its own spin on the spin cycle. P 
their clothes go round while enjoying cocktails, 
ies, video games and cable on a largescreen T 
Why Пу to Texas for ai thern barbecue whe 
live 1 smoked beef brisket will Пу to you? Dial 800- 
344-RIBS and Ан Ribs will ship a to your doorstep 
overnight. e taking a bite out of the 
restaurant business by offering hungry shoppers + 
to-cat meals. n has 
savvy grocers 


the newest (wur 
Cover the ads 


in 
irons let 


Tw 


e d 


WHERE THE HIP HOP 


than 285 
ute). Не 


ys, the club scene spins faste 
couch po thats beats per mi 


bpm (for you 
es where to 


цо for some high. 

ergy, shirts-off, VIEWPOINT 

ous dancing. * М 

Beach: Club Nu (245 “Мозі of my good clothes соте 
Ind). This longtime from the films | do,” admits 


still gets the Adrian Pasdar, star 
к celebs and of TNT upcoming 
biggest special events. movie The Lost Ca- 
Atlas Pers pone. Pasdar plays 
Big Als younger 
brother, lawman Jim- 
my Capone; off 
camera, he couldn't 
wait to sample 
the film's gangster 
wardrobe—especial- 
ly а great-looking 
double-breasted (ап 
suit with matching 
fedora, white shirt and brown tie. 
“On the street, people looked at 
me as if 1 were going to pull a tom- 
my gun out of a уй 


at this former site of 
the Atlanta Women's 
York: 


disco roars back into 
style—most — nights 
without wheels. + С 
Shelter 
Fulton). 
0,000-зциате-Гоог 
а и draws chic 
Chicagoans with its 
European sound and New York attitude. * Houston: Avalon (5078 
Richmond). А 38,000-squ El 
Lone-Star soph 
Called Metronome du 
spot goes by its original name, the 5 
Saturday night. * Loy Angeles 
ГАЗ biggest and newest, with colors that 
between Dick Tracy and The Jetsons. 


West This 


SLICK PAPER 


pens rapidly replacing the old Bic stand- 
с boring note pads 


bys, 1 
favor of perse 1 stati y 
w York City and W ton, 
its 100 percem couon paper for 
ads of state and ot less celebrated cliemele for more 
игу, with prices starting at $200 a box. If mon- 
% no object, consider Artafax, the Los Angeles st 
to the st om Don Johnson and Melanie С ith to 
Hollywood's hottest put their pens to 

imported paper, embossed with 
phic ог gold-leaf lettering and packaged in a bass- 
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TIES 


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PATTERN 


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Florals and nature patterns 


Earth tones, spice tones and lots of green 


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Tight four-in-hand. Windsor or double-Windsor knot; 
Dimpled to create easy drape any fat knot 


Retro patterns 


Wall Street yellow or red power ties 


24 


VIC GARBARINI 


аке you take accordion les- 
sons as a Suil feel like a dork? Well, 
fear not, because Stanley “Buckwheat 
Dural plays the kind of red-hot Creole 
dance music on his squeeze-box thats 
guaranteed to wipe out any lingering 
nightmares about Lady of Spain. On Where 
There's Smoke There's Fire (Island), Durals 
band, Buckwheat Zydeco, more than gets 

y with a little help from Los Lobos’ David 
lgo, who produces and tosses іп some 
apier guitar leads, and bandmate Stev 
Berlins solid sax work. Combined with 
Dural’s chunky rhythms and rippling leads 
(and his cracklin" rhythm section), these 
boys really set a fire under this collection 
of steaming instrumentals, rollicking orig- 
таб and inspired cove 
churning Route 66. But the re 
per is Dural’s vocal duet with country star 
Dwight Yoakam on a sinuously syncopated 
remake of the old Hank Wi 
Hey, Good Lookin’. This is the kind of 
bow-coalition groove (C 
country fusion?) the Band was striving for 
20 years ago, with Yoakam's recdy tenor 
holding down the Levon Helm bits w 
grace and grit, 


MOM AND DAD 


jams classic 
n 
ole-chicano- 


ROBERT CHRISTGAU 


The members of Bell Biv Devoe are 
three New Edition alumni with thei 
on a fourth: new-jack-swing king Bobby 
Brown, The cover of Poison (MCA) | 
their program: “Our music is mentally 
hip-hop, smoothed out on the R&B tip 
h а pop-feel appeal to it.” And with 
newcomer Dr. Freeze and a consortium of 
Public Enemy stalwarts combining their 
knowledge of levels, they bring it off. The 
problem is that “mentally hip-hop” seems 
to mean these one-time candy asses can di 

girls as well as NWA, or 2 Live Crew. The 
hot young thing who announces "Pm run- 
ing the show" is “like that with all th 

guys.” The sensual object of Poisou's des 
just that, the singer's buddies warn hi 
How do they know? The answer's оп 
the nastiest in radio history 

crew used to do her 
mannish boys? You'd better believe it. 
My prescription is a blind date with 
мге, three over-40 women from Freder- 
icksburg, Virginia, who've just released 
Saffire—The Uppity Blues Women (Alligator) 

A guitarist, a pianist and a bassist, all of 
whom write and sing, these gals take blues- 
based bull by the horns, but they 


sout 


of 
“Me and the 
"Scared of sex? These 


you happy priority” The payback? 
“Old women dont yell/ And old women 
don't tell/ And old women dont swell / 


Hot squeeze-box, 


Buckwheat lives, 
Bell Biv Devoe gets 
mental and Anita Baker burns. 


4 grateful as hell.” The evening 
might begin a little rough. but after a few 
choruses of School Teachers Blues, the Bell 
Biv Devoe posse would figure out how to 
add three and three. If they're up to 
Sallire's standards, that is. 


DAVE MARSH 


an Morris 


was the greatest Sevent 
singer-songwriter, the only one who ma 
aged to combine Dylanesque language 
with a Ray Charles sense of verbal rhythm. 
Morrison ins mmensely influ 
but his recent ri E S elaborate 
tuse, s 
Best of Van Morrison (Me Ses on which 
the likes of Whenever God Shines His Light, 
his duet with Anglo i 
Richard, just cant compete with the glories 
of Gloria, Jackie Wilson Said, Domino and 
Have 1 Told You Lately. V ever an artists 
output demanded a boxed set, Van's the 
an. Get with it, Mercury. 

David Baerwald, formerly the vocalizing 
f of David and David, has many Mc 
risonlike moments on his first solo LP. Bed- 
time Stories (A&M). Since Baerwald's songs 
tend to envision an ultramodern Los An- 
geles so extreme it makes Randy Newman's 
seem sentimental, even such titles as Good 
Times, АЙ for You and Dance bespeak 
clenched- t despair. Unlike Van, how- 
ever, Baerwald's vision is social as well as 
personal, On Sirens m the City, he casts 
himself as Bernhard Goetz; on Stranger, 
the final track, he’s the young Bob Dylan, 


making the very statistics of the current 
socioeconomic calamity sing. The music 
here is as mesmerizing as it was on David 
and Davids album, and the perspective 
bleakly ng. 

-centered arca of 
American pop, Nashville has become the 
last refuge for such singer-songwriter left- 
Lovett and Wendy Waldman 
Kevin Welch, the best country 
ist to emerge since Steve Earle. And as 
he's damn ne Randy 
Travis. Kevin Welch (Reprise) features rock- 
and-roll drums, electric string-band. 
strumentation and as much emotion as 
Welch's: marvelous drawl can convey. If 
there's a better country record made in 


GUEST SHOT 


| 


| 


BRITISH stnger/writer/instrumentalist 
Lloyd Cole, formerly of Lloyd Cole ES 
the Cammotions, recently debuted his 
first solo LP. Cole, a mainstream star 
in Europe bul а cult figure here, 
doesn't necessarily want to keep il that 
way: “ГА much rather be Billy Idol 
than some cult artist” That seemed 
reason enough lo ask him to review 
Idols new “Charmed Life” 

“What's attractive about Billy Idol 
is that mix of crazed rocker and sen- 
Е artist. He can do both 
a Rebel Yell and a Prodigal Blues— 
the latter is the best cut оп his new 
LP In US. mainstream rock. 
nobody else really has that mix. The 
biggest problem with Charmed Life 
inconsistency in melodies, chord 


progressions and overall compos- 
ing—too many cuts are good ideas 
that just didn’t get fleshed out all the 


. who left 
nd Billy 


way Guit Steve Stev 
the band, wasa tine wi 
needs that kind of созу 
On the plus side, 
une choice, 
puts his own stamp оп it; he 
singer who's getting even bener; 
nd lyrically, he’s taking big steps 
forward, too—listen to The Loveless. 
Maybe this is a transitional album— 
" y Billy the 
bona fide artist. И you like the guy, 
especially that voice, the good stuff 
on Charmed Life makes it worth you 
money 


Introducing the Sony D-35 
Discman” Portable Compact 
Disc Player. 

Mozort, ot the tender age of 
8, measuring just 4 tall, created his 
mognificent Symphony in C Minor. 

He proved that size is no 
obstocle to genius. As does the 
multi-tolented prodigy called the 
Sony 0-35 Оватоп. Measuring just 
5” ocross, the D-35 is the only port- 
able CD ployer blessed with o Direct 
Access™ keypod, for zeroing in сп опу 
selection. And, thonks to its Progrom/ 
Time Edit function, it is eosier 
thon ever to create perfect tope 
compilations. 

Theres on LCD Music Colender, 
which gives you enough information 
to keep track of your tracks—plus o 
remote control ottoched to the 
headphone cord. And оп 8x over- 
sompling digital filter to reote a 
sound quolity that many home (D 
Players would hoppily loy daim to. 

The 0-35, like all Sony Discmon 
portobles, offers the expertise 
expected from the inventors of the 
compact disc. And like the Maestro 
himself, it dernonstrotes that size 
hos nothing whotsoever to do with 
ability. 


SONY. 


THE LEADER IN DIGITAL AUDIO” 


[T> on (operand he - л es lans Р "- | 


How Often In The History Ben 
Of Music Do We Find Something 
Small, Yet Incredibly Gifted? e» 


FAST TRACKS 


І | een les [сд | 

MEE AA ehe 
A AAA 
ET ЕА Еа] 
Van Morrison | | | | | 
е 10 8 8 7 10 
Buckwheat Zydeco | | | 
Mala The Fro 5 9 | 7 5 8 


STOP THE PRESSES DEPARTMENT: When we 
locate a new band with the right мш, 
we like to clue you in immediately. A 
group in Indianapolis called Sex Sells 
Magazines is, not surprisingly, our pick 
of the month, 

REELING AND ROCKING: Hot olf the con- 
cert and Dick Tracy trails, Madonna has 
а couple of movies in the works. One is 
an untitled musical written for her by 
Pulitzer Prize winner Marsha Norman; 
the other is Blessing in Disguise, which 
Warren Beatty may produce. Jock 
Nitzche is doing the music lor Denni 
Hoppers next movie, Hot Spot, using the 
likes of Miles Davis and John Lee Hooker 
on the tracks, . . . Tom Waits will have 
a part in the film version of Pete 
Matthiessen's book At Play in the Fields 
of the Lord, starving Tom Berenger and 
John Lithgow. . . . Phil Collins has found 
a movie script he likes called Best 
Wishes. . - . Hal Wilner, Saturday Night 
Live's musical director, has lined пр 
Elvis Costello, Vernon Reid and Sonic Youth, 
among oth a musical tribute to 
jazzman Charles Mingus. The sessions 
are being filmed by the Kinks’ Ray Davies 
for a possible docume X 65 Не 
word in L.A. is that the stars of Oliver 
Stone's movie bio about the Doors will 
play the same characters in Wild Child, 
the movie based on Denny Sugerman's 
book Wonderland Avenue, about I 
пуз years with the Doors. ... Here's a 
саз: David's ех, Angela Bowie, as the 
First Lady and Hunter Thompson playing 
а rock-magazine publisher. Look foi 
them in a horror/comedy film, The 
Monsler Tour. 

NEWSBREAKS: М. C. Hammer has his own. 
record company called—what elsez— 
Bustin’ Records. . . . New albums to watch 
for are due from Roxette, Toni Childs, 
Bryan Adams, Robert Palmer, Natclie Cole, 
Cowboy Junkies and Pet Shop Boys. . . . 


Noel Monk, who managed Van Halen 
the Sex Pistols, has written a book with 
immy Guterman. It’s called Twelve Days 
on the Road—The Sex Pistols and Amer 
ica. . . . One of the founding Yardbirds, 
Jim MeCarty, has formed a group that 
indudes other Sixties rock musicians 
called the British Invasion All-Stars. They 
have a new CD called Regression and 
if youd like to have an autographed 
copy, send $22 to Brisk Productions, 27 
Old Gloucester Street, London WCIN 
3XX. .. . Iggy Pop, а movie star in Cry- 
Baby, gain on tour to sup- 
port his latest LP, Brick by Brick. Check 
him out. at the Sixties have 
become a Nineties fashion statement, 
m її some appropriate 
prints for your walls. Send two bucks 
for a catalog 10 Psychedelic Solution 
Catalog #1 West Eighth Street, sec- 
ond floor, New York 10011. The compa- 
ny has о sand reprints. 
Little Richard will do his own voice (who 
else could?) 
Bill and Tedy Excellent Adventure. 
Our pals at Rock & Roll Confidential 
a p to The Source, the voice 
nd the 
vs are а must for 
fans, You can be in the know for $19.95, 
sent to Box 2023, Cambridge, Massa- 
chusetts 02! Finally, we had nov- 
elty songs by Ray Stevens in the Sixties 
Al in the Eigh w, in the 


Attomeys, headed by Wisconsin attor- 
ney Vince Megna, with n 
Stuermer and Mark Тотой. Vi 
their snappy tunes, with titles such as 
Not Guilty by Reason of Insanity and Ги 
Gonna Sue You, are superrealistic views 
of the justice system carried to the 
extreme, We thought lawyers already 
did that. — BARBARA NELLI 


s—and deserve 
know Welch's 


NELSON GEORGE 


Anita Baker's Compositions (Elektra) is a 
comeback for an artist who didn't need 
one. Her label debut, Rapture, was a bril- 
iam artistic statement that took this 
Detroit-bred vocalist from cult status to 
superstardom. Her follow-up, Giving You 
the Best That 1 Got, was a quality recording, 
though the songwriting and arrangements 
didnt fully complement Bakers rich, 
husky style. Giving was good, but there 
were few moments of ecstasy 

Compositions, а jazzy nine-song collec- 
tion, is defined by both Baker's voice and 
her, well, compositions. Alone or with 
other writers, Baker penned seven songs, 
each featuring tricky chord changes and a 
bluesy feel that showcases the contours of 
her vocal range. Jalk to Ме, No One lo 
Blame and Fairy Tales are all smart, soulful 
mid-tempo tunes that reflect the album's 
all excellence. Made the old-fash- 
ioned way—with Bakers vocals recorded 
at the same time as the backing tracks— 
Compositions has a bright, engaging int 
macy. The masterpiece on the album is the 
James McBride song Love You to the Letter, 
а delicately languid ballad снаги be a 
ple of Baker concerts for years 10 come. 


CHARLES М. YOUNG 


Now that the Pretenders 
band but a revolving group of backup n 
sicians behind Chrissie Hynde, Hynde is 
truly out there on her own. On the basis of 
packed! (Sirc/Warner Bros.), Tm speculat- 
ing that she doesnt like it. Several of the 
songs here remind me of Linda Ronstadt 
in her Love Наз No Pride phase, so if you 
c a bad case of the unrequiteds, packed! 
y inspire some tears in your beer. On 
the other hand, you may find it unnerving 
that the defiant singer of The Adultress and 
Precious has reduced herself to begging 


re no longer a 


for another chance at love. Hynde sings too 
well to put out 


rotten record, but I think 
im-take-it-or-leave-it. ap- 
proach usually makes for healthier rela- 
tionships and crunchier rock and roll. 

John Mayall is the ultimate conservative 
who sees no reason to venture beyond the 
nthe blues is all there is. And the 
es is all there is оп A Sense of Place 
(Island). Renowned for his 
others, Mayall has never been 
ng his backup band, the Bluesbrea 
„ло shine, His t асе is slide guitarist 
‘eth, who shines in a variety of 
styles. It is that v nd the dı i 
production by R. Š. 
bum its се nt liste 
of staying 
by God, you know that form from its sim- 
plest expressions to its most intricate. Who 
needs world beat. anyway? 


SURGEON GENERAL'S WARNING: Quitting Smoking 


Now Greatly Reduces Serious Risks to Your Health. 


© Loilara1980 | 
Kings 17 mg “tar”, 12 mg nicotine av. per cigarette by FTC Method. | 


27 


PLAYBOY 


28 


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| и Hericane Atice—tearThe Michelle (Rules (Chrysalis) 401-646 
House Down (Alanic) Survivor— Greatest Hits 
404.962 The Oak Ridge Boye iScombramers) 4O1-521 


American Dreams (MCA) 


Sheena Easton—The Sosa Kenny Сме (arsta) 


Collection (EMI America) sos 
404.069 Kylie Minogue —Enjoy Aca POS TOS 
«лалы ны о Yourself (Geller) 409857 Vall (Alf Veoclorce 
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pa 403-840 Say Ozzy (CBS 


Fleetwood Mat Dan Seals—On Arrival Associated) | 401-265 
Heari-Brigade. (Capitol) 405-555 (Cap Қан) олы ын 


Jungle Brothers—Done — Memories Volume 18 2 
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Неда Eros) 403-725 Chicago—Grealest Hits 
laze Featuring Frankie 19821889 (Reprse) 
papal re pod On; Beverly. "The Greatest 401-166 
lease Me; You're In х HiLilelres Volume s 
Love; Eyes Like Twins, (Capion 402942 бетеп Orestes its 
А Reason To Believe; etc. 4 Barry Manilow—LiveOn  (Calumbe) 40141 
(SBK) 406-793. Broadway (Arista) 403576 Robert Palmer— 
4 Eddie Money Седем addictions, Volume One 
Carlton- Collection Hits Sound OI Money (tard) 400-937 
се 407-825 (Columba) 403-420 Ey Doean—Greatest 
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The Winans—Return Save Mo; Skies The Limit; Love la Keome=AiordBeatiEpe) НР бз» 
(Qwest) 407-064 Dangerous; etc. (Warner Bros.) 400:80 og nA 
Те РИО доз 405-126 MEN ч Gipsycings —Mesaique Blue Dream ренти, 
Вита 407-007 — Renalssance—TalesO!  GratelulDead—American — GratetulDead— (ElektralMusican) 402-727 МУ), 
1001 Nights Volume | Beauty (Warner Br Werkingmaris Dead 
a Врата Ти (Warner Bros) 406-025 358.895 (Warrer Bros) 358-887 м 
o.24 Heart—Dreambeal Annie RoyOrbison—The дн. Best Of The Doors а 
re inira (Capio) 405-935 тузем Vols 82 (Нема) 357-616/397-612 т 
leppel А De And Tho Belmonts БОБА) RoMigStones-Exie On > 
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Me HOMO. Gest guls Nagnand сюпрепжсн зе iChrvsalsi 345-157 ° 83.081 
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mier me, T PRI, SMT, расни ° 
ішті Jim Croce—lim Croce Best of Poco Decade O Steely D; е 
Steve Wonder Songein ine: Терка eur Epo ёз МО ИЗ 2 
y Of Lie Tara ќ 
Бер Smokin Best Of Kansas" 
E UE A SAN ала 
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Greatest Hits (Columb) 368-181398-180 — (WamerBros) — 363-53 Revival--20Grealest His | Тот Seott—Them 
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Greatest Fits (Columba) 386-879 363-523 Japan (Varmer Bros | OI Dark Horse 1976-1989 Bobby Erown— Carce. 
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Pr irei The Notting Hillbillles— The Jam (SBK) 405-209 Black Sabbath—We Sold 404-574 
prety Woman aie, Missing... Presumed Travis Tritt—Couniry Club Our Soul For Rock ‘N’ Roll Joan Jett—The Hit Linda ionstadi.- Cry Like 
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Warner Bios) 389-577 


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Mark Knoptler—Last Exit ТҮ 
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Original Soundtrack 
(шге Eros) 349-536 
Bob Dylen—On Mercy 
(Columba) _ 389-262 
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(Repnse) 308-192 
Мойзза Etheridgo— 
Brave And Crazy (sanc) 
368-080 
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deese Teen Ol Nothing Compares To You: Much; plus more. (A&M) 
ovo (Epi etc. (Chrysalis) 4054 
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Lastra 380:025 Madonna—Like A Prayer Van Hslen—OUB12 боже, On The “оо 
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Wheels (oling (Кате Bros) 375782 Hits Live (Arista) 365-874 Nick Lowe — Party Of One 
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Dave Edmunds—Closer Hits(Columbia) 375-279 Tunnel Ol Love (Columbia) World Party—Goodbye 4 
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Whitesnake—SipO!The тне Traveling Wilburys (Сію) 380-107 The End Ot The Tunnel 
Поделу аи Volume One (Wilbury) Guns N’ Roses Appetite (МСА) 404-541 
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eos ср шін E безе 
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рза сша саа 


By DIGBY DIEHL 


WHEN asomo booksellers, publishers, a 
thors, agents and critics—all crazed with 
gambling fever—converged on Las Vegas 
for the nual American Booksellers 
Association convention, the book they 
really needed was The Ссезағз Palace Book of 
Sports Betting Strategies (St. Martin's), by 
Bert Randolph Sugar. But, like most of the 
other books presented at the mecting, it 
won't be available in stores until later this 
year 

However, this will be а spectacular sca- 
son for books, judging from the action at 
the A.B.A. cocktail parties. John Updike 
as seen talking to Donald Trump about 
the last book in his Rabbit Angstrom te- 
walogy, Rabbit ot Rest (Knopf), excerpted in 
Playboy last month. The Donald was trying 
10 find out what tetralogy means and рго- 
moting his own sequel, optimistically titled 
Trump: Surviving at the Top (Random 
House). Jean M. Auel hosted a glamourous 
event in which a hotel banquet room was 
transformed into a Stone Age setting for 
The Plains of Passage (Crown). Amy (The 
Kitchen God's Wife; Putnam's) Tan and Anne 
(The Witching Hour; Knopf) Rice took their 
r turns, too. But Jackie Collins out- 
glitzed them all by receiving the key to th 
city at a huge tacky mansion where Elvis 
used to hang out and where she had her 
party for Lady Boss (Simon & Schuster) 

In addition to the autumnal block. 
busters, impressive literary books are due, 
among them Norman Mailers “long 
awaited great American novel," Harlot's 
Ghost (Random House); an erotic novel by 
Mario Vargas Llosa, In Praise of the Step- 
mother (Farrar, Straus & Giroux); Larry 
McMurtry’s fictional tribute to Calamity 
Jane, Buffalo Girls (Simon & Schuster): 
William Styron's memoir of a battle with 
depression, Darkness Visible (Random 
House); and Gabriel Garcia Márquezs new 
avel, The General in His Labyrinth (Knopf) 
All promise hours of rewarding reading, 
Other titles to look for in the next few 
mths include Under the Gypsy Moon 
(Doubleday), Бу 1. nce Thornton; 1 Can 
Not Get You Close Enough (Little, Brown), by 
Ellen Gilchrist; Old Soldier (Donald 1. F . 
by Vance Bourjaily; Squandering the Blue 
(Ballantine), by Kate Braverman; Enough's 
Enough (Ticknor & Fields), by Calvin 
Trillin; Gorbachev (HarperCollins). by Gail 
Sheehy; Time Bomb (Bantam), by Jonathan 
Kellerman; Locking for а Ship (Farrar, 
ius de Giroux), by John McPhee; The 
lives of the Dead (Linden), by Charlie 
Smith; In e Child's Nome (Simon & Schus 
ter), by Peter Ma id The Motown Album 
(St. Martins), by Ben Fong- Torres. 

Of course, the biggest book news of the 
fall is that the Stephen King juggernaut is 
on the move again, leaving less fortunate 
authors trembling in its wake As th 


There's a blockbuster season ahead. 


Publishers promise a 
rich harvest, from 
Mailer to King. 


1978 novel The Stand 
continues to sell briskly and the paperback 
of The Dark Half dominates supermarket 
racks, yet another book, Four Past Midnight 
(Viking), ar 

In 765 pages 
ing tales of horror 
would be suflici 
writ 
yarns, these away 
stories that burn in your imagination long 
alter you close the book. My favorite is The 
Library Policeman, а chilling story that 
begins with childish guilt about some over- 
due library books and а librarians omi- 
nous threat. Without ing 
plunges astonishingly into a vivid explo- 
ration of child molestation, alcoholism and 
th ng of fear, Ву now, King’s narra- 
tion is so sure and his characterizations so 
richly drawn that he turns these unex- 
pected corners and wanders down int 
guing sidetracks with the confidence of a 
great storyteller 

In the longest of these stories, The Lan- 
golicrs, onc character remarks, “И seems 
like one of those stupid disaster movies, 
when ten people in a 767 wake up in mid- 
Hight to find the rest of the passengers and 
crew gone. Without revealing the inventive 
ction premise, lets just say that 
their predicament is far more exciting 
than an airplı disaster and will be far 
more difficult to make into a movie. King’s 
fertile imagination makes the stories- 
within-the-story of these characters func- 
tion perfectly to bring this tale to а 


revised version of h 


es. 

King tells four spellbind- 

nd evil—any of which 

annual output for an 

More than just good 
гу 


re can't 


ом 


rning. 


mea 


science-h 


shocking dimax. In Secret Window, Secret 
Garden, he returns almost playfully to a 
theme he explored in Misery and The Dark 
Half: how fiction can become more pow 
ful than reality. Artfully enough, the final 
story. The Sun Dog. is sort of a prologue to 
his next novel—the last of his visits to the 
fictional town of Castle Rock—Needful 
Things (to be published in 1991). These are 
four wonderful pieces of dark magic from 
a master conjurer who knows how to | 
sl zement. 
The necessary agony of silting through 
the wreckage of the Victnam war contin- 
ues, and one of the most provocative re- 
assessments yet is Olivier Todd's Cruel April: 
1975—The Fall of Saigon (Norton). ‘Todd cov- 
ered the war for the French weekly Nouvel 
Observaieur (тот 1965 10 1973. At first, he 
saw the war as a simple act of American 
imperialism. But his experiences in Hanoi, 
in Saigon and on the front lines changed 
his mind and led him to believe that the 
ле Cong were really “Red Fascists, 
the Prussians of Asia.” As he recounts the 
events from January 1 to April 3 
in an urgent, present-tense геро! y 
he argues that the United States should 
have fought to win in Viemam (and 
would have, if Watergate had not prevei 
са Richard Nixon from acting). His con- 
clusions are supported by impressively 
detailed analyses of events at many levels 
of military, political and social action. This 
persuasive knowledgeable book raises 
questions that future historians of the 
Vietnam war will have to answer. 
Although his five previous books were 
well written and widely praised, nothing in 
them could prepare us for the brilliant 
imaginative leap Alan Cheuse has taken in 
The Light Possessed (Gibbs Smith). Ostensi- 
bly the fictional biography of а woman 
painter based on the life of Georgia 
O'Keeffe, this new novel is а movi 
tation on art—on color, shape, light, lines 
and design. Woven into the compelling 
story of a woman driven by artistic genius 
and afierce sense of independence is astun- 
ning aesthetic vision. Cheuse has captured 
in language a sense of the world that is 
mally expressed only in pig 
vas. After reading this book, you we 
atan O'Keeffe painting the 
The Sixties will never die as long as we 
have Ken K living them for 
xd his latest nostalgic effort, featuring 
150 color photographs by Ron Bevirt, is The 
Further Inquiry (Viking). Touted as Кезеуз 
own version of ‘Tom Wolfe's The 
Kool-Aid Acid Test, this is actually а 
what disjointed fictional mock trial of Neal 
Cassady, with lots of illustrations. Cassady 


ave 


the crowd g 


am 


ent on can- 
it look 
ime way à 


ain. 


scy to kcep r 


есте 


»me- 


vou may recall, drove a brightly painted 
school bus (dubbed “Further”) from coast 
to coast—loaded with Merry Pranksters 
who dispensed music and LSD along the 
Oh, well, maybe you had to have been 


WHITE RABBITS, 
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PORTED IT. < BUT THEN, 


ANCIENT SPIRES, FUR HATS, CAPITALISTS... AND A 


VERITABLE MONOPOLY ON THE WORLD’S CREAT 


voDkas. NE WHICH BRINGS S TO AN INTER- ALWAYS HAD A SLIGHTLY ECCEN- 


ESTING PIECE OF TRIVIA BOUT WHAT TRIC HISTORY. THERE WERE ALWAYS, FOR 
15 ARCUABLY THE FINEST ОРКА IN ALL OF INSTANCE, RACCOONS, LAYING HENS AND WHITE 
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i DISTILLERY. < WHY HAS WYBOROWA SURVIVED 


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Only S? a minute, 


there to enjoy this book. 
Brian Moore has written about his 
native Belfast before, іп novels such as The 
Lonely Passion of Judith Hearne and 
Catholics. But in Lies of Silence (Doubled: 
he obliges us, via the plot of a tense th 
to confront the cont : 
ismin Ive 
of the 1 
faced with terrible moral choic 


hostage and 
Moore's 
sparse, measured style works well in this 


short, fast-paced story. But friends of the 
LR.A. will not like his tough conclusion, 


BOOK BAG 


Tell Me More (Puinams), by Larry King 
with Peter Occhiogrosso: The irrepress- 
ible late-night-talk-show host culls quotes 
and anecdotes from more than 30 years on 
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James Brown: The Godfather of Soul 
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34 


SPORTS 


пе day last fall, a compatriot of 

mine was apprehended for light- 
ing a cigarette in the press box of ac 
lege football stadium. It а vivid 
reminder—for me, at least—that the 
lifestyle police never close a case and al- 
ways get their mi 

My lellow journalist had only taken a 
couple of drags off his Winston when 
they came out of nowhere, like Mup- 
pets. He was thrown against the wall and 
strip-searched. They jerked the batteries 
ош of his Tandy laptop. They ordered 
the sports-information guys from both 
schools to cut him off their mailing lists. 
They culled him, read him his rights 
and took away his belt so he се 
hang himself in his cell 

OK, Г exaggerate, but the fact is tha 
more and more press boxes аге non- 
smoking boxes because of zealous lobby 

ig on the part of the lifestyle police and 
their Muppet helpers. 

This is disturbing news to many of us, 
because for more than 80 years, the foo 
ball press box has been one of only tw 
places in the world where a person can 
moke, drink, scratch and call hi 
lightweight asshole without fear of 
reprisal or arrest. The other place, in my 
exper 

But since the lifestyle police are now 
operating in press boxes, it means the 
are virtually everywhere, working un- 
dercover to make this a better country in 
which they can live. 

ОГ course. never know 
youre going to hind a member of the 
lifestyle police—another friend recently 
discovered that he is married to one, for 
] am be 
careful about my 

I've stopped ран 
spaces as often as | once did, no m 
how badly I need to 1 room 

I don't water my lawn on even days оГ 
the week, since I һауе an uneven ad- 
dress. The lifestyle police have sent 
more ıl ie neighbor up the river for 
illegal lawn watering. 

I seldom read Mark Twain in publi 
knowing how fiercely the lifestyle police: 
in California are trying to outlaw this 
Kind of vulgarity. 

You've probably been reading about 
numerous prisons releasing criminals 
who have been convicted of murde 
armed robbery and rape, This is the re- 
sult of pressure brought on the prison 
system by the lifestyle police, who be- 


cuss, 


boss 


ence, is France. 


you where 


darn 

ies these days 

g in handicapped 
ter 


By DAN JENKINS 


LIFESTYLE 
POLICE 


lieve that better use can be made of our 
cellblocks. 

The lifestyle police contend that mur- 
derers generally murder only people 
who deserve it, such as a wife who talks 
b: Ihey contend that an armed rob- 
ber generally robs only ethnics who 
ought to get robbed for being in this 
country in the first place. And they con 
tend that the rapist gener 
women who were obviously asking 

Put these misunderstood people back 
on the street and you make room in 
prisons for society's mue criminals: 
агеце smokers, readers of Mark 
Twain and television viewers who don't 
like the Muppets. 

In an effort to understand the lifestyle 
police, I met with two of them the other 
day: a man named Ron from Marin 
y who is said to have invented 
and a wom from Purdy, 
Missouri, named Mrs. Spite, who first 
pointed out the sexual implications in 
the square dance 

We met at the pl 
the sidewalk outside 
had по desi; ей are: 
and was known to attract people who 
ancied freedom of choi 
ters. Ron carried a placard that 
MUSHROOM CLOUD 15 NOT PASSIVE SMOKE. M 
Spite carried a placard that read, релін 
TO ALL WHO OPPOSE RIGHT TO LIFE. 


Ron answered my first question by 
saying, “The lifestyle police is а гей- 
gious, ecological, patriotic organization 
of which I am proud to say I have been а 
member since I first discovered coded 
obscenities in Nancy Drew mysteries.” 

Mrs. Spite said, “Contrary to vicious 
rumor, we believe in the political proc 
ess. We take an issue to a Congressman, 
and if he disagrees with us. we look into 
his drug habits, his tax records and his 
extramarital relationships. He usually 
comes around to our way of thinking.” 

Ron said the concerns of the lifestyle 
police center on smoking, books, 
movies, newspapers, hosiery ads, televi 
ion news, miniskirts, cheeseburgers and 
humor in all forms. “Humor would be 
all right if it made fun of the right 
things,” he said, "but it never does. 

“It’s all part of the war on drugs,” 
Mrs. Spite said. “Many books, for exam- 
ple, have ideas in them, and most of 
these ideas are confusing to young peo- 
ple, whose time would be beter spent 
baking cookies and learning values in 
the home.” 

I couldn't help wondering what 
cheeseburgers had to do with the war on 
drugs. 

"They are at the very core of the prob- 
lem," said Mrs. Spite. "Cheeseburgers 
are available in millions of places that 
stay open late at night. The drug users 
know they can always find a cheeseburg- 
er after they've finished doing drugs. 
We say cut off their cheeseburgers and 
you cut off their drugs." 

Late at night to Mrs. Spite was ten rw. 
She said, "There is no excuse for any- 
one's not being at home and asleep be- 
fore the ten-o'clock news comes on. The 
ten-o’clock news only teaches our young 
people how to have car wrecks, and it 
frequently tells them that their favorite 
sports team has lost a game.” 

I said, “The press does bring a lot of 
bad news. It's probably because so many 
reporters smoke. But isn't this better 
than living in a world of propaganda? 

Mrs. Spite stiflened and said, “It’s not 

propaganda if you're on the side of 
ght.” 
I left the meeting with a clearer un- 
derstanding of the lifestyle police, but 
what I still don't know is how so many 
Muppets got into journalism and, there- 
fore, into press boxes 


El 


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36 


MEN 


he memory lingers on, years afier 

the fact: | am driving in a modest 
neighborhood in Manoa Valley on the 
island of Oahu. There is a rainbow in 
the distance, as there often is in Hawaii. 
It is a Friday afternoon, and 1 ат sup- 
posed to pick up my two sons, Jim and 
Brendan, ages eight and five, for my le- 
gal and assigned weekend's visitation 
with chem. 

1 can see Brendan playing with a 
group of children at the end of the 
street. Suddenly, he breaks away from 
them and races toward my car. He looks 
frightened. He is calling my name over 
and over again. To this day, 1 can see 
him in detail, brave and fearful, loving 
and lonely. 1 stop the car, jump out and 
hug him, feel him shaking in my arms. 
"Where's Jim?” I ask him. 

“He's with Mommy. They went away 
in the car this morning. Jim’s not com- 
ing. Mommy said you might hurt him.” 

Brendan hugs me very tightly, and 1 
simply hold him for a while without talk- 
ing and wait out the lie. “Do you know 
I'm not going to hurt you?” I finally ask 
He nods his head yes. “Do you know 1 
would never hurt you or Jim?" He nods 
yes again. but he is not sure of anything 
at this moment. 

We get into the car and go to the 


ch. We make sand castles, and then 
we wade in the warm Pacific surf. Bren- 
dan stands on my shoulders, uses me a 


a diving board for hours. I love it, but I 
miss Jim, and the pain that I feel for 
Brendan and fe 
us, really—is enormous, Why can't the 
three of us be allowed uncontested time 
together? Why is visitation so often up 
for grabs? Why is the spirit of Lady Mac- 
beth so alive at visitation time? 

Many noncustodial fathers ask such 
questions. The fact is that visitation is of- 
ten canceled or delayed by mothers who 
want revenge against their ex-husbands, 
mothers who are willing to use thei 
children as pawns in a ruthless war. This 
is the story that is rarely told when we 
hear the usual reports of absentee fa- 
thers and lonely children. Sure, some 
hers are irresponsible. But irresponsi- 
bility cuts both ways 

In spite of what you read and hear, 
most fathers do not vanish from their 
children’s lives simply because they are 
selfish or unloving or cavalier, Noncus- 
todial fathers—second-class citizens, by 
definition—are often driven away from 


Jim—for the three of 


By ASA BABER 


an feres ae d Whats pn be 


1 > 


DEALING WITH 
LADY MACBETH 


tless tactics of 
their ex-wives. This is a truth that 
should be more highly publicized as we 
seek ways to bring fathers back into the 
family dynamic, 

The statistics concerning fatherless 
children are not encouraging: More 
than 21 percent of all American children 
live in families headed by women on- 
ly. That is twice the percentage 
who did so in 1970. A study of mor 
than 1000 children from disrupted fam 
ilies (published by the University < 
Pennsylvania and covering represent 
ative samples nationwide from 1976 
to 1987) found the following: (1) More 
than half the children whose бае 
not live with them had never be 
their fathers’ homes; (2) 42 percent h 
not seen their fathers in the previous 
year; (3) only 20 percent slept at their fa- 
thers’ houses in a typical month; (4) only 
one in six saw their fathers once a week 
or more. 

Gentlemen, it is time to tell it like it i 
Our children are cherished by us, but 
when we lose custody of them, the 
biggest battle of our lives is only begin- 
ning. Visitation is tough, even under the 
best of circumstances, but an uncoopera 
уе or malicious ex-wife makes it almost 
unbearable. Nonetheless, it is our job to 
stay in touch with our children, no mat- 


their children by the hea 


imos 


ter what the costs. They need us, we 
need them, and this culture is going to 
slide right down the tubes if we let angry 
mothers shut us out and shut us down. 

Given all that, let this battle-scarred 
veteran of the visitation wars offer some 
suggestions for survival so you and your 
children can live and grow together: 

1. Be prepared for the psychological truth 
of visitation. Especially at first, your chil- 
dren will be studying you to see if you 
still love them. And how do children 
scrutinize their noncustodial fathers? By 
testing their patience, by being combat- 
ive and wary, by pushing the limits and 
daring their fathers to abandon them. 
Your role in all this? To endure the test- 
ing, to be patient, to set r 
without letting your own ten: 
you and damage the relatior 
not saying all this is easy. But it is your 
job. 

2. The temptation to tell the kids how their 
mother is screwing with the visitation schedule 
will be great—but do not give in to il. Your 
ime with your children is limited and 
precious. The more you bitch and moan 
about their mother, the less credibility 
you will have with them. They know the 
two of you do not get along, so don't 
bore them with the details. Do not invite 
the image of your ex-wife into the room. 
Every time you do, the kids lose a little 
bit of you and are thrown back into the 
arena of divorce. Your children want to 
ге-‹ -establish со tact with you. Let them 

3. Every fime your ex-wife gels your atten- 
tion and your anger by playing games with 
visitation, she has won the thing she wants. 
Do not give it to her. The most effective ап- 
tidote to attempted vengeance is a great 
big yawn. On visitation day, when you 
get to the house and the kids aren't 
there, when they scem to be afraid of 
you because of the stories she has fed 
them, when Lady Macbeth seems alive 
nd well in your children's living room, 
your best tactic is to fold your arms, 
laugh and chant, “Boring, boring, bor- 
ing." Humor deflates the meanest of in- 
tentions. And kids respond to it and are 
healed by it . . . as are fathers. 

Hang in there, Dad. Your constant 
tenacity will be reaffirming proof of your 
love, and your children will thank you 
many times over, Through all your won- 
derful years together. 


El 


ship. I'm 


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Cowboy Cut Jeans & Shirts 


38 


WOMEN 


I here are twenty-five women in this 
'oom and fifty face lifts, id Pat- 
ti. We were at a barbecue in Malibu, on a 
gigantic deck overlooking the ocean. 
There were a bunch of women there eat- 
ing nothing. The men were happily 
tucking into ribs and potato salad. Some 
of them looked good, but some had bi 
pot bellies. I don't know what goes on 
а man's darkest, deepest soul, but even 
the fat fellows looked enormously, richly 
pleased with themselves. 

The women looked wary and skinny, 
with stringy muscles and questionable 
breasts. Their faces were disturbing. 
One, the wife of a retired actor, looked 
like a high school cheerleader from 
across the room. She was cute, with a 
frothy short skirt and bouncy blonde 
highlighted hair. But up close, I noticed 
an upper lip serrated with wrinkles and 
skin pulled drum-tight across cheek- 
bones. 

There was another woman, a major 
celebrity. who looked just plain skeletal. 
with her face frozen in a grimace, and a 
famous comedienne who had an entirely 
new chin. 1 kept seeing beautiful young 
girls out of the corner of my eye; alter 
focusing on them, I realized they were 
sometimes 50, sometimes 60. 

. 

“Oh, my God! Oh, ту God!” said the 
movie actress. “People magazine says I'm 
thirty-eight! PH never get another job! 
Do you think anyone will read it? Maybe 
no one will read it! You know what this 
means, don't you? Tom Cruise won't 
work with me, Dennis Quaid won't work 
with me.” 

“There’s always Mel Gibson,” said her 
friend. “I mean, how old is Goldie?” 

. 

The newspaper columnist put Equal 
in her cappuccino and stared absently at 
the long-legged blondes swarming into 
the Ivy in Santa Monica. 

“If you look like that,” she said, 
“you're interchangeable. But if you 
don't look like that, you're invisible. My 
ex-husband married one of them. IF 
you're a Hollywood executive, you have 
to have a second wife about thi 
younger than you. If you're a minor ex- 
ecutive, you marry a bimbo. If you're a 
major player, you marry a trophy wife 

“If you're a trophy wife, you're sup- 
posed to be terribly bright and do some- 
thing terribly important, like run a 
division or produce pictures, but you 


By CYNTHIA HEIMEL 


HOLLYWOOD 
WOMEN 


must also be able to wear your Armani 
blouse unbuttoned to the waist. You 
have to be gorgeous. Richard Zanuck 
and Mike Medavoy both have trophy 
wives. 


. 

“I watch the Academy Awards and 1 
really resent them, the new sex girls of 
the minute,” said the movie actress. 
“This year, its Julia Roberts. These 
women don't have any sense of their 
own collusion in the system. They take 
pride in being the latest wet dream for 
men. They never look at the rest of us, 
who have been there and been used up. 
Do I sound bitter? 

“I went on a date with a plastic sur- 
geon and 1 told him maybe I should do 
something about my puffy eyes. Well 
Before I knew it, he was planning on 
chin implants, cheekbone augmenta- 
tion, getting rid of the little lump on my 
nose, then a little liposuction thrown in. 
I told him people liked this face enough 
to nominate me for an Academy Award, 
thank you very much.” 

. 

“When you watch soap operas,” said 
the Hollywood director, “the majority of 
women have had nose jobs and face lifts. 
They all look alike. Some women, like 
Victoria Principal, just take the short 
оше and marry the plastic surgeon. 

But you can’t blame women in Holly- 


wood, because there аге зо few good 
parts. The three good movie parts for 
women so far this year were in Last Exit 
lo Brooklyn, Miami Blues and Pretty 
Woman. They were all prostitutes.” 


e supposed to 
provide us with role models," I said to 
the TV producer. “How can we possibly 
feel positive about ourselves when all we 
see are women terrified of aging? 

“Why would you ever identify with 
women in Hollywood movies?” asked 
the producer. “All they ever do is get to 
play girlfriends or moms. But look how 
far we've come. It used to be that the 
woman would just swoon and then be 
rescued by a man. Now a woman comes 
out from performing heart surgery, 
swoons and is rescued by a man. Women 
are allowed to exist only until they're 
twenty-eight. After that, they're either 
killed off or become evil. 

“And women are never allowed to 
have adventures. When I was growing 
up, the only girl on TV 1 could identify 
with was Lassie. She got to run around 
and do things.” 

“Somebody told me that the guys who 
took over Star threw out all the 
movies in development that had female 
leads,” 1 sai 

“And that surprises yo 
producer. 


ked the 


. 

“There are more female movie execu- 
tives than ever before but fewer movies 
bout women,” said the director. “And, 
listen, famous actors go out of their way 
to find people you never heard of to star 
opposite them. They'd rather find a 


model than someone with chops 
“None of the big co 
the 


nodity movies, 
Rocky oc Star 
Won 
start until October, when the 
small-budget movies come out 
should be allowed to make 
ers, too! Meryl Streep 


franchises—like 


1 sea- 


Women 
crummy blockbus 
is pissed off because she doesn't get paid 


as much as Jack Nicholson. She would 
have liked to play the Joker. The only 
woman who could be called а franchise 
s Bette Midk 

“1 guess because she's never played it 
sex appeal,” 1 said. “Maybe if they 
want to fuck you, they don't have 


foi 
neve 
to kill you off.” 


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REMEMBER 
ADRENALIN? 


Somehow the average p 
ontent with, 3 quarts of w 


oxygen. Which, to BMW, is a daily diet 
severely lacking in one 
ent: Lust for life. 

A force brilliantly demon: 
by the new BMW K100R 
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bothSsa ight lines 0 
inline-four, sixteen 


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duction 


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Lill ШЕ HERD 


THE PLAYBOY ADVISOR 


Recently 1 read 


by Charles and С 


ісіс on tantric sex 
oline Muir. It described 
a breathing technique that supposedly en- 
hances orgasm. They suggest: “To ine 
the length and power of your orgasm, start 
to inhale (as slowly as possible) about 
halfway into its peak. The building-up 
feding of cli will continue for as long 
as you can sustain the inhalation. When 
you begin to release the breath, do 
it with as much sound as possible. Really 
sing out The volume of your sound 
influences the volume, the depth, of your 
orgasm. But you want to stay in control of 
the sound and not use it up too fast; the or- 
gasm will last as long as you continue to vo- 
calize it in your exhalation. With practice, 
both men and women can learn to keep the 
orgasm going for n than one complete 
breath, up to four or six, possibly more.” 
Have you ever heard of such a thing?— 
€. B.. Los Angeles, California. 

Sure. Lamaze classes teach women to focus 
on breathing as a means of distracting them- 
selves from the pain of childbirth. And we've 
heard of women who use the same lechniques 
lo focus and extend orgasm. Since orgasm is 
the release of tension, anything thal builds 
lension may increase the excitement level. 
Holding your breath is one way of building 
tension. As for vocalizing your orgasm, we've 
known people who vocalize theirs for weeks at 
а time. (Please, baby, please, baby, that was 
great, can we do и again, please, baby 
But forget this tantric garble. Lets talk high 
lech. You want to experience a real rush? 
Amplify your orgasm. Everyone knows that 
singing m the shower doesn't compare lo get- 
ling on stage at one of those karaoke bars 
and wailing into a microphone. Why not sus- 
pend а microphone over your bed and run it 
through the amplifier? You'll be inside the 
biggest orgasm you've ever heard. 


Fhe been dating a woman who has а 
ionship is serious, to 
the point that we are talking about taking 
a vacation together. I know this sounds 
sellish, but do you have any suggestions for 
ld give the adults 
privacy?—J. P, Chicago, Illinois. 

There are two things for which adults re- 
quire absolute privacy on a vacation. One is 
finishing Scott Паошу latest mystery, But 
what you are looking for is called destination 
day care—resorts that are fun camps for both 
kids and caretakers, Club Med pioneered the 
concept: Ht has kid clubs at five locations in 
the Western Hemisphere, In fact, from Sep 
tember to November, children aged two to five 
are free at St. Lucia, Fleuthera, Sandpiper 
and Punta Cana; they are free all season at 
Ixtapa. We've heard good reports on the fami- 
ly caro at The Boscobel Beach Club in Ocho 
Rios, Jamaica, The concept has caught on in 
ski country as well. Resorts as diverse as 
Winter Park in Colorado and Alta-Snowbird 


in Utah have on-slope day-care centers for 
toddlers and learn-to-ski programs for ado- 
lescents. We haven't heard of many golf clubs 
wilh day care, but it’s only a matter of time. 


M, site and ти 


thinking of bu 


had a baby. I've been 
a tase of chapay; 
set aside for his 21st birthday. Any recom- 
iendations?— E. O., Detroit, Mich 
Sure. Buy something an adult can really 
use—a leather-bound copy of “The Joy of 
Sex" or a CD of 2 Live Crews “As Nasty As 
They Wanna Be’—and рш it m a safe- 
deposit box. The way the countrys going, erot- 
ка may not be available in 21 years. But our 
paranoid ravings aside, take a pass on the 
champagne. Bubbly is meant to be savored the 
year й is sold. The makers have already done 
whalever aging is necessary, If you keep a 
champagne 20 years, it may develop a toasted 
flavor. Why spoil a toast? 


МА, vite and 1 have been married al- 
most ten years and during that time, we 
have made love in front of a roaring fire. in 
the back of a van, on a picnic table, in the 
living room and in the bathroom, to name 
a few locations. One of the most erotic ex- 
periences I have had with her involved sex 
in front of a roaring fire. Late one evening, 
my wife appeared in our basement wear 
ing nothing but a see-through camisole 
nd a pair of crotchless panties. Needless 
to say, in a matter of seconds, 1 had re- 

loved my clothes and let my rock-hard 
manhood spring free. After 1 hurriedly 
spread a quilt and a few pillows on the 
floor, we fell into each other's arms and be- 


ve 


gan to fondle each other like there was no 
tomorrow. After s | minutes of th 
during which I sucked and squeezed her 


ILLUSTRATION BY DENNIS MUKAI 


breasts until her nipples were hard as 
rocks, I moved down to where I could lick 
and suck her sweet pussy and send her into 
ecstasy. This lasted for several minutes be- 
fore we changed positions and she sucked 
dick like a vacuum cleaner. Not want- 
ing to d yet, we slowed down for a 
couple of minutes and changed positions 
again, moving so that she could straddle 
me and do decp knee bends with my dick 
sliding in and out of her pussy. Then she 
moved to her belly and raised В 5 
the air, signaling that she wanted me to en- 
er from behind while her beautiful 
sts hung down and bounced each time 
T thrust into her. From this position, we 
moved to the traditional missionary and I 
proceeded to thrust my throbbing сгес- 
tion into her hot pussy with deep strokes. 
After about ten more minutes of mutual 
groin-grinding, we both came like an 
earthquake. What a night! My question is, 
how can I persuade her to do this more of- 
ten? I am easily aroused and could make 
love every day with this lovely lady, yet her 
drive is not quite as high. She is content 
with two or three limes а week. What can I 
do?—B. B., Nashville, Tennessee. 

Your rock-hard manhood? Mutual grom- 
grinding? Two or three times a week, and 
you're complaining? OK, heres our advice. 
Create an anniversary ritual. Instead of cele- 
brating the day you got married, celebrate the 
days you had peak sexual experiences. Tell 
your wife thal you would like to declare the 
third weekend in October as Van Day and re- 
enact that hot encounter with your gearshift 
knob of love. Declare the first day of Novem- 
ber Fireplace Day. If you get enough of these 
erotic holidays going, you'll fill up a calendar 


ах 


Wan hoping you сап shed some light on a 


Ds 
ming the vertical edge with a green 
permanent marker? Are you supposed to 
paint the inner edge or the outer edge? 
the principle behind the prac- 
Т. В., Miami 

Weve read а few articles about gren- 
lining. In one, syndicated. reporter Wayne 
Thompson claims that the "green-coated disc 
seemed to take away the veiling that ofien ac- 
companies digital music. Gone, too, was the 
harshness often associated with digital soft- 
ware, The entire musical presentation was 
warmer, more like analog recordings played 
on high-end-LP turntables” Gee, that 
sounds like a great leap backward. Thompson 
proposes а theory that the green marker acts 
as а “fence,” keeping more of the laser beams 
light contained on the disc, thus allowing the 
beam to read the data on the disc more ејјес- 
tively. Some audiophiles recommend black felt 
tips; others say the turquoise Design Art 
Marker 255 by Faber Castell is the one to use. 
We suggest that you conduct your own test. If 


41 


PLAYBOY 


42 


there's any truth to this, expect to see a $750 
Magic Marker at your local audiophile shop. 


Е have a strange fetish: I get off boxing 
with beautiful women. Over the y 
с had several partners who also got off 
on this thrill. We would put on gloves, wor 

pa sweat, then fuck our br 
I met a girl who did not like to box. She 
tried on the gloves and came up with her 
own scenario. She does all the punc 
She is into having sex while both of u 
clad only in leather boxing gloves. She 
strip naked and put on the gloves or 
dress down to high heels, boots or garters 
nd lipstick-red gloves. She is absolutely 
ravishing, and I am completely taken with 
her, The arrangement has led us intoa 
ferent realm, bordering on domination 
nd S/M, in which she is a boxer and 1 am 
her punching bag, s nd cor- 
ner man. Have you ever heard of anything 
so bizarre? Have | created a sexual she- 
monster? lt has gotten to where she won't 
climb into bed without the gloves.—]. R., 
Grand Rapids, Michigan. 

Has Don King heard about her? Yes, this is 
one of the strangest forms of foreplay we've 
encountered. It beats juggling with machetes, 
but not by much. As long as she pulls her 
punches, it is harmless, However, the prevail- 
ing theory about fetishes is thal when you 
can't do without them, you are по longer in 
control of your sex life. You may need a referee. 


ars, I 


ns out, Then 


Bs no secre па your ı 
features some of the 
on ıl 


agazine regularly 
sst alluring women 
planet, but you have to admit that 
iheir mode of dress can do much to 
influence the impact of a picture. Wher 
do you find the lingerie—the half-cup bras 
and those sheer stockings with swirls?— 
W. Q., Seattle, Washington. 

What makes you think the girl sitting next 
to you on the bus isn't wearing а half-cup 
bra? Ask her where she bought her under 
wear, Just kidding: Many of the Playmates 
arrive wearing the lingerie we later pho- 
tograph. You can find some amazingly sexy 
stuff at most major department stores. We oc- 
casionally send stylists over to Trashy Lin- 
кегіс (402 North LaCienega, Las Angeles 
90048) and Schwartzs Intimate Apparel 
(945 North Rush Street, Chicago 60611) for 
last-minute items. If youve seen something 
specific in Playboy, ether store may have и. 
But you should alsa explore some of the major 
mail-order suppliers. Victorias Secret (РО. 
Box 16589, Columbus, Ohio 43216-6559) 
has a catalog that will give you some ideas. 
Also contact Fogal (439 North Rodeo Drive, 
Rodeo Collection, Beverly Hills 90210) and 
the famous Fredericks of Hollywood (Box 
229, Hollywood 90099), 


ГЕТ 


mber having read excerpts in the 


similar guidelines for the opposite sex? 


What should a man look for in a wife?— 
Miss G. S, New York. New York. 

What is this—a trap? A few months ago, 
Esquire magazine shot ils foot off (and, we 
suspect, other parts of its anatomy) by puh- 
lishing an owners. manual for the perfect 
wife. Far be ú from us lo attempt io improve 
on natures most sublime creation, that 
paragon of moral virtue, the overworked and 
underpaid spouse. So we will duck this issue 
by letting women define themselves. Isabel 
Burton, wife of Sir Richard Burton, the ex- 
blorer and translator of the “Kama Sutra of 
Vatsyayana," once concocted а list of “Rules 
for My Guidance As a Wife." We found it in 
William Harrison’ fine biographical novel 
“Burton and Speke 

“I Let your husband find in you а com- 
panion, friend and advisor and confudante, 
that he might miss nothing at home; and let 
him find in the wife what he and many other 
men fancy is only lo he found in а mistress 

“IL Ве a careful nurse when he is ailing 

“HI. Make his home snug 

“IV. Improve and educate yourself m every 
way that he might not become weary of yon. 

“Y Be prepared to follow him al an hours 
notice. 

“VI. Do not try to hide your affection for 
him, but let him see and feel it in every action 
Never refuse anything he asks. Keep up the 
honeymoon romance whether al home or in 
the desert. Do not make prudish bothers, 
which only disgust and are not true modesty. 

“VIL Perpetually work up his interests in 
the world. 

“VIN. Never confide your domestic affairs 
to your female friends. 

“IX. Hide has faults from everyone. 

“X. Never allow anyone to speak disre 
spectfully ој him before you. Never permit 
anyone to tell you anything about him, expe 
cially of his conduct with other women. Never 
hurt his feelings by a rude remark or jest. 
Never answer when he finds fault. Never re 
proach him when he finds fault. Always keep 
his heart up when he has made a failure 

ХІ. Keep all disagreements for your own 
room, and never let others find then ont. 

"XH. Trust him and tell him everything, 
except another persons secret 

“NHL Do not bother him with religious 
talk. Be veligions yourself and give good 
example Pray and procure prayers for him, 
doing all you can for him without his 
knowing и. 

IV. Cultivate your own good health and 
nerves to counteract his naturally melancholy 
turn. 

“XV. Never open his letters nor appear in- 
quisitive about anything he does nol volunteer 
to tell you. 

“XVI. Never interfere between him and his 
family. 

“XVII. Keep everything going and let 
nothing be at a standstill; nothing would 
weary him like stagnation.” 

It an interesting list—applicable т large 
part to members of both sexes. The bad news is 
that after having followed this advice for 30- 
some-odd years, Isabel, upon her husband's 
death, burned all his unpublished notes and 


41 unpublished manuscripts, including the 
complete translation of “The Perfumed Gar 
den of Sheik Nefzovoi.” For something com- 
pletely different, consider the following letter. 


sexual 
awesome 
пе has to 


is thing | call a 
ng of at asty girl 
lover. To be a truly nasty girl, 
love wild, kinky, outrage: rd-core, dì- 
abolical, с animalistic sex. 

1 love party pleasures, ultrafreaky and 
nasty boys. Î w n orgy 
freak ml tied 
toa bed. I want ro be ravishingly yet sen: 
ally violated, 1 want son ipped cream 
poured all over my body then slowly licked 


ngerous, 


ic whi 


thing with myself) in front of my lover 
ve to be fucked hard with strong pump- 
ing, deep grinding and fast stroking. I love 
wearing seductive, nasty. 
having my pussy eaten, sucked, licked, nib- 
bled, rubbed, tickled, pulled on, blown 
ged and bitten. I love n ng lov 
nt plac 
d lights on, 
І 


Гус making love with color 
listening to music and sipping vodk 
love oral sex. I like being fucked in my ass 
when Fm stimulated by some vodka. I like 
soft. sadistic pain while making love .. . till 
it hurts so good. I love taking long luster- 
silk, perfumed milk baths. 1 love taking 
pshots, Polara 


nude photos, sn ds. I love 
long, intense for 
fucked with 
digging deep 
my sugar walls. I like come skeeted 
my titties and thighs. I like nasty, di 
while making love. I love sex toys 
games: Sh flies. French 
ms, lotions. ice cubes, gadge 
dildos, etc. 1 have a freakish fe 
г t, underarm pits and thighs. | 
love to ball, make love, have sex, get off. 
masturbate, freak and fuck! 

But Um not into water beds, chai nd 
whips, toes and feet! Sorry.—Miss С. N., 
Ypsilanti, Michigan. 

[Sic]. Thats editorial jargon meaning 
we've left this letter in the authors prose. If 
you can express your own sexuality in your 
own language, you may as well move to Flor- 
ida. So, guys, lets put it to а vote. Which lady 
would make you happy for the rest of your 
life—Mrs. Burton or The Nasty Girl? 


АП reasonable questions—from fashion, 
food and drink, stereo and sports cars to dating 
problems, taste and etiquette—will be person 
ally answered if the writer includes а stamped, 
self-addressed envelope. Send all letters to The 
Playboy Advisor, Playboy, 680 North Lake 
Shore Drive, Chicago, Шток 60611. 
The most provocative, pertinent queries 
will be presented on these pages each month 


Dial The Playboy Advisor on the Air and 
hear Playmates answer questions. Qr record 
your own question! Call 1-900-740-3311; 
only two dollars per minute. 


| Surprisingly 
rich. 
At ргісе. 


SURGEON GENERAL'S WARNING: Smoking Ultra Lights 1005: 6 mg. “tar”, 0.6 mg. nicotine; Lights & Menthol Lights, 
By Pregnant Women May Result in Fetal Kings ard 1005: 12 mg, “tar”, LÜ mg nicotine; Full Favor Kings and 


Injury, Premature Birth, And Low Birth Weight. 100: 16 mg. “tar”, 13 mg. nicotine av. per cigarette by FTC method. 
*BASED ON MANUFACTURERS LIST PRICE FOR 1005. 


#7 


“He squeezes the toothpaste _ г 
fom the bottom. 
Walker! Red” 


Good tags always an asset: 


£4 ру 88 


THE PLAYBOY FORUM 


RATINGS 


AN: 


) REEL. LIFE 


Cinema Paradiso is a charming film 
about a young boy coming of age in ап 
Italian village 

Тһе fatherless boy is taken under the 
wing of the old projectionist at the vil- 
lage movie theater. One day, the boy 
spies on the local priest, who is preview- 
ing a new movie. The curate rings a bell 
whenever a scene crosses the threshold 
of Catholic morality and the projection- 
ist tucks a piece of paper into the still- 
moving reel. Later, he cuts the offensive 
scenes with a large pair of scissor 

The boy tries to steal the offending 
frames from the cutting-room floor; 
the projectionist stops him, saying, 
“OK, you can have the clippings, but I 
keep them for you 

The boy grows intoa man, When the 
projectionist dies, he leaves his protégé 
areel of censored scenes. The film ends 
with these scenes: scratchy black-and- 
white shots of kisses, clenches and coy 
nudity H is a wonderful moment, a 
hymn to real life 

In the US, the self-appointed 
guardians of public morality are the 
anonymous members of the Clas- 
sification and Rating Adn 
(C.A.R.A.) of the Motion Piet 
dation of Am (М.РА.А.). 
gather in secrecy to give films X, R, PC 
13, PG and G ratings. This star cham- 
ber has been meeting for 22 years, 
reviewing films submitted voluntarily 
by producers. The industry established 
.R.A. to provide timely 
rate rating infor: 
headache since it 

Parents co 
aren't enforce 


ption. 
plain that the ratings 
d. And theyre righ 
When a team of USA Today reporters in 
six cities followed 22 kids aged 11 to 16, 
all but five were able to buy their ovn 
tickets to Rerated Total Recall 

Some parents have pushed for addi- 
tional categories: RS (restricted. be 
cause of sex), RL (restr 
of language) and ВУ ( 
cause of violence). They 
an informed choice and pre 
dont have time to watch Siskel and 
Ebert (who have themselves supported 
an A-foradults rating) or эсе Ше 
movies themsches. 
Even with the chronic background 


grumbling, until now, no one has seen 
the rating system for what it is—inef- 
fective posturing at best, indirect cen- 
sorship at worst 

Instead of the priests bell and the 
projectionist’s scissors, we have the 
open-jawed threat of an X rating. To 


In 1927, Hollywood come up 
with a ratings code for movies. 
The list of prohibited actions, аз 
listed in Corbett S. Steinberg’s 
Film Facts, featured: 

+ Pointed profanity—by either 
title or lip—including the words 
God, Lord, Jesus, Christ, hell 
дата and Gawd. 

"Any licentious or suggested 
nudity—in fact or in silhouette. 

* The illegal traffic in drugs. 

- Any inference of sox porvor- 

n. 

* White slavery. 
+ Sex relationships 


between 


the white and black races. 
"Sex hygiene and venereal 
diseases. 
* Scenes of childbirth. 
* Children’s sex organs. 
* Ridicule of the clergy. 


+ Theft, robbery, safecracking. 

+ Rope or attempted rape. 

* Man and woman іп bed to- 
gether. 

* Deliberate seduction of girls. 

* Surgical operations. 

+ Excessive or lustful kissing. 

11 just goes to show that while 
the movies have changed, the 
5 of would-be censors 


avoid the stigma associated with X 
gs. directors cut 12 seconds of sex b 
tween Mickey Rourke and Lisa Bonet i 
Angel Heart, three and a half minutes 
of sex between Rourke and Ki 
Basinger in 9/4 Weeks and a few frames 
of sex between Rourke and Carré Otis 


in Wild Orchid. The М.РА.А. demand- 
ed that a minute of an orgy be cut from 
Scandal and а ménage à bois from 
Crimes of Passion. Vhe cuts are restored 
on the unrated videos. 

The М.РА.А. recently gave Tie Me 
Up! Tie Me Down! an X rating because, 
as one of its critics noted, “they made 
love too realistically.” Because of the X 
rating, most theaters won't book the 
film. Moviegoers confuse an X with ex- 
ploitation or porn hlms (which general- 
ly are not submitted to the M.PA.A. but 
are advertised as ХХХ by their mak- 
ers). Family newspapers take it upon 
themselves to be de facto censors by not 
publishing advertisements for the film 
5 direct as the 
priests clipping offensive scenes, but i 
is almost as effective. 

Pedro Almodovar, the director of Tie 
ме Up’, filed a c 10 force the 
М.РА.А. to rescind ше X and to re- 
place it with a less damaging rating, 
Almodovar argues ihat the М.ВА.А. 
has inconsistent and arbitrary tastes, if. 
not an outright bias against foreign 
films. His attorney, William Kunstler, 
asked а judge to view scenes from 
American-made R-rated movies—The 
Postman Always Rings Twice, The Ac 
cused, Blue Velvet, Fatal Attraction and 
—that are far steamier than 


Other directors have taken to ignor- 
ing the M.PA.A. Peter Greenaway. di- 
rector of The Cook, the Thief, His Wife 
8 Her Lover, declined to have his film 
rated. MGM/Turner has decided not to 
use the M.PA.A. ratings for any of its 
video releases, relying instead оп de- 
scriptive comments from the Film Ad- 
visory Board. 

We don't need а rating system for 
ms—certainly not one that treats us 
ай like children. And we question ра 
ents who are willing to base their judg 
ment on a simple-minded letter rating 
awarded by a faceless committee. 

In Cinema Paradiso, the boy found a 
father in the projectionist. The old man 
withheld the censored clips but also 
quoted s to explain life. In any 
he boy saw plenty by watching the 
townspeople who went to the theater to 
grope, kiss, fondle, fuck, murder, mar- 
roduc. 

If life doe have 
the movies don't песа on 


rating system, 


45 


"SEXUAL REPRESSION” 

Hugh М. Hefner's memo "Sex- 
ual Repression and Perversion” 
(The Playboy Forum, July) wou- 
bles and offends me. Hefner 
-molestatior case 
the courts as à 
He says that par- 
ents are "hysterical" if they be- 
lieve their children when they say 
they've been molested—as if pos- 
sible molestation is not grounds 
for parental outrage. His decla- 
mations against the McMartin 
case insult any parent who has 
ever had the courage to trust his 
or her child. The disturbing 
myth that children are liars 1s 
perpetuated by attorneys who 
represent people accused of 
child molestation. Those lawyers 
are adept at confusing and intim- 
idating adult witnesses; terrified 
preschool children are easy prey. 
As a teacher and a mother, | have 
observed young children tena- 
ciously hold fast to the truth, 
even as the adults who are sup- 
posed to protect them berate or 
abuse them. 

Sexual freedom between con- 
senting adults and freedom of 
speech are the rights of adult 
Americans. Let's remember that 
part of the responsibility of being 
an adult is to protect our chil- 
dren from harm. 

1 hope that you will put your consider- 
able clout to better use in the future— 
perhaps as an advocate for the children 
who seem to have no voice in America. 

Teresa Jicha 
Garden Grove, California 

One of our jobs as adults is to ташат a 
system of justice that protects the rights of 
both children and adults. Hefners memo 
and the article “McMartin, Anatomy of 
a Witch-kunt" (“The Playboy Forum,” 
June) describe a justice system abused by 
hysterical parents, by untramed and zeal- 
ous investigators and by ап unskeptical 

б. 

The McMartin case 15 not the only witch- 
hunt. Between 1983 and 1987, there were 
allegations of ritual child sexual abuse in 
more than 100 communities across Ameri- 
ca. The Memphis Commercial Appeal in- 
vestigaled 36 such cases and found that of 
91 persons charged with child abuse, 45 
had had their cases dismissed, И had been 
acquitled, 23 had been convicted and 12 
cases were pending. Many of the investi- 


needed to have а ври 


FOR THE RECORD 


ONE MAN'S SPIRITUALITY 
IS ANOTHER MAN'S PULP” 


“How many ‘cathedrals’ of old-growth trees are 
itual experience? When can 
ме get on with growing trees and cutting trees?" — 

SHEPARD TUCKER, spokesman for Louisiana-Pacific 
Pulp Mill, in response to environmentalists who 
view ancient redwood forests with a respect bor- 
dering on reverence 


gators who questioned the children had read 
а book tilled "Michelle Remembers” —pur- 
portedly the story of an adult who experi- 
enced ritual abuse as a child. The author, 
uho showed up regularly on programs such 
as "700 Club," clams to have been 
drugged, taken through tunnels, sexually 
assaulted by black-robed figures, buried m a 
cemetery and forced to eat a dead baby. The 
children told identical stories in so many re- 
cent child-abuse cases, including McMar- 
tin, that objective observers have concluded 
that there is a good chance that the ques- 
toners led the children—as clearly hap- 
pened in McMartin—into acknowledging 
events that were on the investigators —not 
the childrens—minds, 

According to an article in the Appeal, 
Kenneth Lanning, an FBI agent, is very 
skeptical of the interviewing EU 
employed by child-abuse investigators. 
some cases, children have been asked pn 
ing questions by parents and investigators 
and were rewarded with toys, candy—even 
Cabbage Patch dolls—for giving informa- 
tion, Some people interviewing children— 


parents, social workers, police, 
therapists . . . are recruiters Чо the 
brotherhood and sisterhood of the 
sexually abused; rather than 
finders of fact. There are some peo- 
ple who have a hidden agenda. 
Perhaps they were victims of sexual 
assault; said Lanning. He does not 
believe that former abuse victims 
should automatically be excluded 
from investigating child-sexabuse 
cases but [says,] "They must care- 
fully evaluate their motives and 
ensure they are maintaining а pro- 
fessional, objective approach.” 

As a teacher, you know that a 
child can be persuaded to learn 
anything by careful rewards, What 
struck us about the McMartin testi- 
mony was that none of the children 
had told them parents they had 
been abused—until after they were 
interviewed by the Children's Insti- 
tute International. Even the prose- 
cutors dismissed most of the 
children’s testimony as preposterous 
It was apparent that the jury, 
which saw tapes of the CLs inter. 
views with the children, concluded 
thal the investigators had planted 
the stories, 

The McMartin defendants will 
never be proveninnocent. They have 
suffered. The children who were 
manipulated by interviewers and 
media have suffered. Genuine child 
abuse is a tragedy and a crime. Ив perpetra- 
tors should be punished. But let us not cre- 
ale a greater tragedy by presuming the guilt 
of all those accused of child molestation. 


NEW ADDICTION 
n call of the Nineties may 
sonal responsibility for one’s 
Reader Response,” The 
"orum, July). However, let it be 
coupled with tolerance for those who at- 
tend Alcoholics Anonymous mee 
Although А.А. was not the answer for 
James Almblad, it has been the answer 
for thousands of other addicts. 
(Name and address 
withheld by request) 


I congratulate James Almblad for his 
apparent ability to quit drinking by read- 
ing a book. However, countless other 
people quit drinking by joining A.A. He 
should not condemn A.A.—or any oth- 
er I2-step group—merely because he 
doesn't agree with its methods. 

Bud Kopp 
Alderwood Manor, Washington 


BLASPHEMOUS THOUGHT 

п Chapman makes many excel 
article “Keeping the Sin 
Out of Cincinnati” (The Playboy Forum, 
August). However, he makes one error. 
He claims, “No one would argue in 1990 
that someone could be put in prison for 
insulting the Almighty" Massachusetts 
has a law prohibiting speech that ^will- 
fully blasphemes" or treats “contum 
liously" the “holy name of God 
Recently, a man was charged under this 


RECORD LABELS 
Tin disappointed in the posturing of 
some of the liberal priests of the First 
Amendinent. They rush to defend 2 Live 
Crew' freedom of expression while tak- 
ing pains to point out that the group's 


awful, loathsome 
ve, vile, putrid and 


lyrics are "vulgar 
odious, nasty, off 
disgusting " 

Are we allowed to engage only in sex 
acts that can be described in. Latin? 2 
Live Crew's lyrics are vulgar in the way 
the King James Bible is vulgar—their 
songs use the language of the people 
and ГЇ eat your pussy" 
ned up by a sex therapist in- 
y Turn-Your Turn Sensate Focus 


to ^ 
Exercise," but that would mean that the 


First Amendment applies only 10 


euphemisms 


Nathanial Bynner 
Fort Lauderdale, Florida 
Til lingually stimulate your pudenda if 
you orally satisfy my frenulum? Yes, Amer- 
ica still has a problem when it comes to 
describing sexual acts in language that 
earth people use. We wanted to include the 
lyrics to some of 2 Live Crew's songs in our 
discussion of the rock-labeling debate “Тһе 
Great Rock Labeling War" ("The Playboy 
Forum,” August). Had we done so, that is- 
sue of Playboy could have been labeled ob- 
scene in Florida and you would поі have 
been able to read our views on the subject. 
The irony is that among the few million who 
can show you the lyrics are members of the 
American Family Association, Parents’ 
Music Resource Center and James Dobson's 
Focus on the Family. If you want to see the 
byrics, they'll fax you a copy. 


Parents for Rock and Rap is a new 
organization that monitors artistic free- 
dom in the music industry—in part to 
counteract the acuons of the Parents’ 


Music Resource Center. There are many 
parents who support the First Amend- 
ment and oppose the recent movement 
tocensor music. This silent majority needs 
to be heard. 


Mary Morello 

Parents for Rock and Rap 
PO. Box 53 

Libertyville, Illinois 


The warning on records should read: 
MAY CONTAIN LYRICS OFFENSIVE ТО THOSE 
WHO НАТЕ, CURSE, KEVILE AND DAMN GOD FOR 
MAKING ANATOMICAL DIFFERENCES IN MEN 
AND WOMEN AND FOR GIVING HUMANS А SEXUL- 
AL NATURE. 


Lybrand P Smith 
Windham, Maine 


ANTICENSORSHTD 


BOX SCORE: 


76,000. 100 


just as long as the guy who is taking them 
is waving the red, white and blue. You 
can't destroy freedom by burning a piece 
of cloth; you can destroy it by passing re- 
strictive laws. Those laws are usually 
passed by flag-waving patriots who, in 
their rush to save the symbol, trample 
the ideal it was meant to represent 
Ernst Luposchainsky 111 
Hollywood, California 


I still feel a tug in my chest when I see 
the flag go by, but I know that the cloth is 
merely а symbol. If what it stands for is 
not provided to everyone, then it doesn't 
mean as much as I think it does. Neither 
burning the flag nor preventing it from 
being burned is a solution to our prob- 
lems, The solution is to retain what the 
flag stands for: “freedom and justice for 
all” 


Clifford D. Noe 
Atlanta, Georgia 


children. 


Period.” Seventy-six thousand people re: 


locations. 
Ard the winner is . . 


Did you know thot Little Red Ridinghood condones the use of alcohol because its 
heroine gives her grondmother о bottle of wine? That belief left Lynn McPeok, interim 
curriculum director for the Empire, Colifornia, school district, with no choice but to 
put 400 copies of the story under lock ond key, away from impressionable young 


Banning books is considered by many Americons a concept that died yeors ago. 
The prohibition of Little Red Ridinghood, however, is o tole of the Nineties—ond not 
O unique one. Among other books torgeted by censors are John Steinbeck’s Of Mice 
and Men ond Aldous Huxleys Brave New World, os well as children’s favorites In the 
Night Kitchen, by Maurice Sendak, ond The Lorox, by Dr. Seuss. 

Despite would-be censors’ cloim that they ore defending American values, Ameri- 
cans have shown that whot they volue most is freedom of choice. Waldenbooks ond 
the Americon Booksellers Association took out a full-page od in 28 newspopers 
осгоз the country, osking readers to sign and return to the А.В.А. о ballot stating: 
“Americans have the right to buy, stores have the right to sell, cuthors have the right 
to write and publishers hove the right to publish constitutionolly protected material. 


responded. 

On the other hand, the attempt by the Reverend Donald Wildmon ond his Ameri- 
con Family Associotion to picket the nation’s Woldenbocks ond К mort stores 
because they stock Playboy ond Penthouse magazines drew only 100 people at two 


- freedom of choice. 


Kun ERWIN 


4 


SCENE ONE: Mary and Bill have recently 
been introduced. They arrange to go 10 
dinner and a movie together. He picks 
her up in his car, they dine. see a film and 
he takes her back home. She hasn't had a 
particularly good time with Bill and 
wants to return to her apartment by һег- 
self, but Bill has a long drive back 10 his 
place. He asks if he can go in and have 
some coffee. Mary thinks this is a reason- 
able request and agrees. As 


does anyone really know what it 


age has driven date rape into the public 
consciousness, there is much disagree- 
ment about what it is. Witness the follow- 
ing varying definitions. 

The Fede Bureau of Investigation 
defines rape as “carnal knowledge of a 
female foreibly and against her consent.” 

Dr. Andrea Parrot of Cornell Universi- 
tys Department of Human Service 
Studies writes, “Any sexual intercourse 


you led him on, and the police 
will agree. 

Mary knows that a Florida јагу re- 
cently acquitted a man of rape charges 
because the woman he allegedly raped 
was wearinga short skirt and was “asking 
for it.” She also knows that Clayton 
Williams, in his campaign for governor 
of Texas, compared inclement weather to 
rape, telling reporters that “if it’s 
inevitable, just relax and enjoy 


soon as they enter her aparı- 
ment, he overpowers her, rips 
off her clothes, has sex with her 
and leaves. 

Was she raped? Ye 

SCENE Two: Jane lives іп а со- 
ed dorm. Her friend Joe lives 
опе floor down. They talk of- 
ten, hang out together, support 
each other during stressful 
times and occasionally neck. 
One night, just before spring 
break, Joe calls Jane and asks if 
he can come up. Jane has just 
gotten into bed but reluctantly 
agrees. She knows that Joe is 
depressed. 

When Joe comes in, she can 
tell that he is drunk. He falls оп 


her. She squirms in protest and 
says, “C'mon. . . no,” but he 
doesn't listen. She doesnt 


scream or push him off or, a: 
she puts it, “have this big fit, 
though she’s not sure why. She 
thinks, He's my friend; I guess 
whatever happens is not going 
to be that bad. She's afraid of 
making him mad. 

Alter they have sex, she 
thinks, OK, I didnt want that, 
but it’s not that bad, ‘cause he's a 
friend of mine—no big deal. 

Was she raped? That depends on to 
whom you talk. Therein lies a problem. 

. 

If we're to believe media reports, the 
incidence of date rape has reached с 
proportions. In the past 10 years, there 
have been 70 mentions of date or 
acquaintance rape in The New York 
Times. A Different World, 21 Jump Street 
and numerous made-for-TV movies have 
broadcast episodes with date-rape 
themes. Oprah, Phil and Geraldo have 
each taken a crack at the subject 

Although the barrage of media cover- 


aga ven mati enano ae 

And even when й писер students i УШ conshbereda criminal oem. 

Қаны таны 

Seige op om aban a 

pleni eel е, 

pe —————: 
Against her will is against the law 


without mutual desire is a form of rape.” 

The training guide for Swarthmore 
Colleges Acquaintance Rape Prevention 
Workshop states: “Acquaintance rape . - 
pectrum of incidents and behav: 
nging from crimes legally defined 
as rape to verbal harassment and 
propriate innuendo” 

. 

Return to scene one. After Bill leaves, 
Mary is confused and in shock. She calls 
a friend and tells her what happened. 
Should she call the police? The friend 
says no. You let him into your apartment, 


i” In a 1988 interview. with 
NBC's Connie Chung, Indiana 
University basketball coach Bob 
night expressed the same sen- 
timent. Mary feels that society 
is not оп her side and agrees 
with her friend that others may 
not believe she was raped, so 
she says nothing. 

In scene two, Jane goes home 
for spring break and doesn't 
think about the lent. The: 
two weeks into the next term, 
she sees a presentation on date 
rape. She thinks, Thats what 
happened to me! 

She gocs to the university 
women’s center, reports the in- 
cident and is counted as а date- 
rape statistic. 


. 

In an effort to distinguish be- 
tween rape and seduction, be 
tween sex offense and offens 
sex, most laws on the subject of 
rape have set the same criteria 
There must be an expressed 
lack of consent and/or coercion 
by force or threat of force. In 
New York, “forcible compul- 
sion” is defined as “to compel by 
either the use of physical force 
ог а threat expressed or ed which 
places a person in fear of immediate 
death or physical injury го himself, her- 
self or another person.” 


on 
In many dating encounters, the issue is 
not so clear-cut, especially when the man 
and the woman have deep feelings fo 
each other or have previously engaged in 
sex. The picture is further douded by 


е. by the 
some women to voice resistance in order 
to avoid appearing “easy” and by the 
prevalent belief among men that saying 


no is a mere convention, part of foreplay. 

Some legal scholars are building a 
philosophical base for a change in the 
laws that would dramatically affect the 
y judges and juries are obliged to 
think about sexual relations. In her 1987 
book Real Rape, Susan Estrich, a law pro- 
fessor at the University of Southe 
fornia, discusses the “rei ble woman 
standard frequently invoked in ami 
‘ous rape cases. Many judges’ idea 
reasonable person,” writes Estric 
опе who does not scare easily, one who 
does not feel vulnerable, one who ts not 
passive, one who fights back, not cries. 
The reasonable woman .. . 5 areal man.” 
1 on that women have 
mized in the courts after 

victimized by rapists. 


been 


having 
Estrich proposes eliminating the defense 


that a man charged with rape honestly 
believed there was consent. “Consent 
should be defined so that no means по,” 
she writes. Women should be “empow: 
erfed] in potentially consensual s 
tions with the weapon of a rape charge 
In scene one, Mary could have used that 
weapon and should have charged Bill 
with rape. But what about Janc? 

Vivian Berger, a law professor at 
Cush University, sees a danger in 
richs recommendation. 
want the law to patronize women. .- . To 
treat as victims in a legal sense all of the 
female victims of life 


determination, sexual autonomy 
self- and societal respect of women." 

Some people, though, see value im 
broadening the definition of 
they dont seriously propose prosec 
anyone by doing so. Dr. P: 
culture has given men permission to 
ignore women's wishe isregard 
appropriate responses to sexual interac- 
tions. In terms of making men nervous 
or worried that they might be overstep- 
ping their bounds, I dont think that 
[expanding the definition of rape] is a 
bad thing." 

Leaving aside the question of whether 
such an approach to men. what 
effect would the redefinition of rape have 
on women? In addition to generating 
inappropriate alarm, it might encourage 
young women to isolate troubling and 
ambivalent feeling; a mental 
cell called rape—far away from honest 


By Stephanie Gutmann 


examination. 

Dr. Catherine Nye, a 
gist at the Un 
dent-counseling ser 
colleagues see many 
women who аге esse 
about sex, unclear about what they wa 
and who sometimes feel guilty about 
their desires—women who now use the 
term date rape to describe their sexual 
experiences. She laments the psychologi- 
cal effect of such evasion. 

“If they say ‘I've been date-raped, they 
dont have to think about their own 
behavior or their 
feelings,” says Dr. 
Nyc. Theres по 
complicity, theres 
no responsibilit: 

An almost Victo- 
rian denial of com- 
plicity—of womens 
emotional stake in 
the sexual relation- 


ical psycholo- 
ty of Chicago's stu- 
says she and her 
Janes"—young 
Пу troubled 


ship 

ture of 
literature. Man is 
predatory; woman 


is passive, а hapless 
victim. Nye, asked 
by students to con- 
duct a workshop on 
date rape, recently 
reviewed the tr; 
ing material av 
able from Cornell 
and Swarthmore. 
“There was stuff 
there that made m 
skin crawl,” she sa 
nual said things 


"This training 
ke, ‘Don't let down 


your guard until you know a man really 
well—if at all’ 1 mean, talk abou The 
Other!" 

Man as “The Other” makes an appear- 


ance on the cover of Parrot's 1988 book, 
Coping with Date Rape & Acquaintance 
Rape. The illustration portrays a couple 
on a date. The male figure is drawn as а 
Devil. with horns, a Vandyke beard and a 
forked tail pointing upward lasciviously. 
With an evil gleam in his eye, he star 
veringly at the woman. She is blonde, 
with eyes demurely cast down, 

The figures of the predatory, demonic 
male and the innocent female appea 
in in Parrots description of a rape 
First, a rapist engages in intimate behav- 


iors which make a female feel uncomfort- 
able (for instance, by putting his hand on 
her thigh ог Кі 
after knowing her for only a short 
This is common in party and bar situa- 
tions when the music is so loud that the 
couple must be very close to each other to 
hear. In such situations, it is not possible 
1 maintain a comfortable distance from 
others. 

“If the victim does not clearly object, 
the rapist proceeds to the second stage, 
in which he desensitizes the victim to the 
trusion by escalating the behavior 


(moving his hand to her buttocks, for 
example). She may Ќе! increasingly 
uneasy as a result of this behavior and 
suggest going outside for ‘fresh air, hop- 
ing that she can create physical distance 
from him. Unless she actually tells him 
that she is uncomfortable with his 'roam- 
ing hands,’ he may misinterpret her sug- 
gestion as meaning she wants to be alone 
h him. The third stage occurs when 
i (such as out- 
hiscar, etc.) and 
ists on intercourse.” 

Clearly, this situation is one in which 
more assertiveness on the woman's part 
could make a crucial difference. But 
date-rape dogma invariably casts women 
a passive role. And as Nye attests, Par- 
rots message appeals to many young 


49 


women. In the wake of the sexual revolu- 
tion—in our brave new world of coed 
ng and dorm condom dispensers— 
college-age women may be trying to put 
some limits back on sexual behavior. 

In an earlier era, there were various 
socially supported ways to say no, as well 
as all kinds of controls—segregated 
dorms, dorm mothers, curfew laws, in 
loco parentis policies—to give women 
greater opportunity for delay and 
reflection. Women also had a perfectly 
respectable pretext—"I might get preg- 
nant"—for avoiding the complications of 
sex. That pretext has been largely elimi- 
nated by the ready availability of birth 
control. 

Perhaps young women are looking for 
an out thats acceptable in today's 
environment, where sexual openness and 
enthusiasm are de rigueur. Civen femi- 
nism's reigning orthodoxies, it's more ac- 
ceptable to say that men are monsters 
than to say, "I don't feel like it right now" 

More fundamentally, the new defini- 


N 
7 


o0 


tion of rape gives women a simple way 
of thinking about sex that externalizes 
guilt, remorse or conflict. Bad feelings 
after sex become someone else's fault. A 
sexual encounter is transformed into a 
one-way event in which the woman has 
no stake, no interest and no active role. 
Assuming the status of victim is in many 
ways an easy answer—but not one 
befitting a supposedly liberated woman. 


Stephanie Gutmann is a recent graduate 
of Columbia Universitys graduate school of 
journalism and the author of Reason 
It Sounds Like I Raped You!” 
from which this article is adapted. 


On a wall of Columbia University's 
student-health-service building is a 
bright-red warning poster; DATE RAPE IS 
VIOLENCE: NOT A DIFFERENCE OF OPINION. 
is but one sign that college cam- 
puses, long thought of as hotbeds of 
sexuality, are now considered hotbeds 
of date rape. 

“Colleges work to solve—and stop— 
a shockingly frequent, often-hidden 
outrage,” reads the subhead of a recent 
Newsweek story. “FEAR MAKES WOMEN 
CAMPUS PRISONERS” trumpets the Chicago 
Tribune, describing students who, be- 


cause of the “prevalence of date rape,” 
stay in their rooms at night and cringe 
when classmates make “sexist” remarks. 

“The epidemic of rape must come 
this 


to an end on 
campus,” edit 
Syracuse University's 
The Daily Orange. 
“This crime is гип- 
ning rampant. . . . 
Other (campus issues] 
pale іп comparison 
with the apparent 
crime wave of rape 
striking all parts of 
this university.” 

At a date-rape dis- 
cussion group at 
Barnard College, 
Margie Metch, an em- 
|: ployee of New York 

Citys Task Force 
Against Sexual As- 
sault, drew a group of 
young women into a 
circle and gravely in- 


formed them that 
"one in five dates ends 
in assault.” 


“People respond to numbers,” says 
Metch. The larger the numbers, she ex- 
plains, the greater the indictment 
of a society in which sexual assault is 
rampant—and condoned. However, if, 
аз some researchers propose (see рге- 
ceding report), we broadly define rape 
to include sex a woman subsequently 
regrets or even subjection to sexual in- 
nuendo, almost every woman has been 
raped. Such ап all-encompassing 
definition trivializes the real emotional 
and sexual problems resulting from 
genuine, violent rape. 

The numbers game needs close ex- 


amination. In 1989, 80 rapes and sexu- 
al assaults were reported to the Univer- 
sity of California at Irvine's campus 
womens center. In 1988, campus 
security officers received only one re- 
port of rape and one report of attempt- 
ed rape. In 1986, Ellen Doherty, a rape 
counselor at a hospital near Columbia 
University, told Newsweek that acquaint- 
ance rape is “the single largest problem 
on college campuses today.” Columbia's 
security department reports zero rapes 
in the past five years. 

Proponents of the date-rape-crisis 
theory explain that women, under- 
standably leery of receiving callous 
treatment from campus cops or the po- 
lice, are more willing to tell their stories 
to sympathetic people at university 
womens centers than to officials. That 
is undoubtedly true in some cases. The 
disparity could also be attributed to the 
fact that women who have had an un- 
comfortable encounter—somewhere 
between actual date rape and fully con 
sensual sex—have nothing substantial 
to report to police. 

The University of Illinois provides a 
good example of how crisis politics— 
based on dubious research—can be- 
come the basis for campus policy. 

Although the U of WUrbana-Cham- 
paign campus has been haunted in 
recent years by a nonstudent serial 
rapist, the school's Rape Awareness and 
Prevention committee (RAP) conclud- 
ed that “the greater risk to women 
students involved scxual assault by 
their male friends, boyfriends and ac- 
quaintances.” The university created a 
Campus Task Force on Sexual Assault, 
Abuse and Violence last year. RAP 
tried to measure the school’s date-rape 
problem by mailing a survey to 1500 
undergraduate women on the 35,000- 
student campus. It classified 164 per- 
cent of the 537 students who replied as 
victims of “criminal sexual assault," 
defined as intercourse with a clearly ex- 
pressed lack of consent. 

Last winter, the task force issued a ге- 
port offering recommendations based 
on the survey's alleged evidence that 
versity environment “engenders 
sexual abuse." The report advocated 
abolishing the school's intramural, all- 
female pompon squad. 


ші ТЕТ 


The task force also demanded a 
“mandatory human relations program” 
for all new students covering “the risk 
of and responsibility for sexual miscon- 
duct,” and adding provisions covering 
sexual misconduct to the schools code 
of behavior. Punishable by expulsion, 
sexual misconduct would include inter- 
course that takes place without the vic- 
tim's knowing consent. 

“A person who is intoxicated is іпса- 
pable of giving knowing consent. A 
person who is under any form of coer- 
cion (including physical, psychological, 
academic or professional) is not free to 
give consent,” the report claimed. Fi- 
nally, it recommended “investigating 
and eliminating the prevalent philoso- 
phies, cultures and attitudes of frater- 
nities and other organizations that lead 
to sexism . . . and that lead to violence 
against women.” 

The task force’s recommendations 
and the results of its survey were soon 
picked up by the media. The Chicago 
Tribune's story cited the pithy factoid, 
“Sixteen point four percent of female 
students who responded to a question- 
maire had been rapcd"—suggesting 
that this finding was representative of 
the entire student population. 

There were important flaws in the 

survey For example, the sample was 
self-selected, "If people have never had 
[an uncomfortable sexual encounter], 
they're not going to even bother" com- 
pleting the lengthy survey, Dr. Kalman 
Kaplan, a psychologist at Wayne State 
University, points out. 
"The U of I reports bias was com- 
pounded by the title of the question- 
naire, "Sexually Stressful Events 
Survey,” which may have predisposed 
respondents to view ambiguous situa- 
tions in anegative light. University уісе- 
chancellor for student affairs Stanley 
Levy, who defends the survey, admits 
that “you have difficulty in extrapola- 
tion” from its findings. 

The Tribune bolstered the U of I 
study with figures from another highly 
influential poll. Its story declared that 
women at the university “Apparently 
have good reason” to be scared, be- 
cause “a nationwide survey . . . by Mary 
Koss, a psychiatry professor at the Uni- 


versity of Arizona, found that one in 


where's the epidemic? 


I IEEE 


four women reported having been the 
victim of rape or attempted rape, usu- 
ally by acquaintances.” 

Koss’s numbers, especially the one- 
in-four statistic, are widely cited. They 
are derived from Ms. magazines Proj- 
ect on Campus Sexual Assault, consid- 
ered the most comprehensive study of 
campus sex crimes. In the early Eight- 
ies, using a National Institute of Mental 
Health grant procured by the maga- 
zine, Koss and a team of assistants 
fanned out across the country to ad- 
minister a “Sexual Experiences Sur- 
vey” to college students. After three 
years of data collection and tabulation, 
Koss announced her findings: “Twenty- 
five percent of women in college have 
been the victims of rape or attempted 
rape,” and “Eighty-four percent of 
these victims knew their assailants.” 

Koss went to great lengths to obtain a 
representative, statistically significant 


“Forty-three percent 
of (he women classified 
as rape victims had 
not realized they'd 
been raped? 


oa 


sample. Still, there are problems with 
her study. She obtained her data on the 
“incidence and prevalence of sexual ag- 
gression’ with a ten-item survey asking 
questions such as, “Have you given in to 
sexual intercourse when you didn't 
want to because you were overwhelmed 
by a man’s continual arguments and 
pressure?” and “Have you had sexual 
intercourse when you didn't want to be- 
cause a man used his position of au- 
thority . . . to make you?" A positive 
answer to either question labeled the 
respondent a victim of sexual coercion. 
Another question: “Have you 
sexual intercourse when you didn't 
want to because a man gave you alcohol 
or drugs?" A positive answer labeled 
the respondent а victim of rape. 
According to Wayne States Dr. 


Kaplan, a properly designed surve 
lersperses more important or more 
meaningful questions with filler items. 
Questions should not be grouped in 
order of ascending seriousness, as they 
were in Kosss survey. "If a person an- 
swers yes to the first question (‘Have 
you given in to sexplay . . , when you 
didnt want 10?), you're almost prepar- 
ing [a respondent] 10 answer yes to a 
later one,” Kaplan says. “If they came at 
you with question ten (‘Have you had 
sex ... when you didn't want to because 
а man threatened you or used some de- 
gree of physical force?) to begin with, 
you'd probably have fewer positive re- 
sponses to those questions.” 

In any case, surveys such as Kass’s en- 
courage women to reinterpret sexual 
experiences after the fact. University of 
Chicago psychologist Dr. Catherine 
Nye notes that 43 percent of the women 
classified as rape victims by Koss’s study 
had not realized they'd been raped. 
“Well, I think if you don't know you've 
been raped,” Dr. Мус says, “then proba- 
bly youre talking about a situation that 
has to be redefined.” 

Which is, apparently, what із happen- 
ing on campus. Colleges throughout 
the country have announced large in- 
creases in reports of rape, usually from 
female students under the age of 20 
and generally involving friends or 
acquaintances. Meanwhile, date-rape 
education programs run by admi 
istrators or students have proliferated. 
Many schools have instituted Rape 
Awareness Weeks and appointed spe- 
cial deans to deal with sexual assault. In 
annual “Take Back the Night” marches, 
young women give testimony about 
their experiences as victims and entreat 
members of the audience to testify as 
well so that “others will have the 
courage to come forward.” Educational 
videos, pamphlets, training manuals 
and posters teach students about the 
dangers of date rape. Are such tactics 
teaching women to adopt а new under- 
standing of rape—one in which they 
are absolved of the responsibility to say 
no and relieved of the consequences of 
ап implicit yes? 

1f you have to convince a woman that 
she has been raped, how meaningful is 
that conclusion? --5.6. 


51 


N E W S F R O N Т 


what's happening in the sexual and social arenas 


sypNEY—An environmental scientist 
told the national parliament that the use 
of birth-control pills by Australian women 
may be changing the sex of fish. The fish 


are swimming in water polluted by estro- 
gen-rich sewage. Estrogen produces ge- 
netically female—but infertile—fish. 


NEW vork—An American Psychiatric 
Association panel reports that Govern- 
ment restrictions on abortion are far more 
likely to cause women lasting harm than 
abortion itself Declaring that the right to 
choose is a “mental-health imperative,” 
the psychiatrists said that there is no evi- 
dence to support what anti-abortionists 
call “postaborlion trauma syndrome.” [n 
fact, a recent Swedish study that followed 
120 children for more than 20 years after 
their mothers were denied abortions found 
that the youths had а hagher incidence of 
psychiatric disorders, alcoholism and 
criminal behavior than the general popu- 
lation. Their mothers were more likely to 
be alcoholics or depressed. 


CLEVELAND—A group called 9105, Na- 
tional Association of Working Women, 
awarded first prize іп its bad-boss contest, 
“The Good, the Bad and the Downright 
Unbelievable,” to a Philadelphia busi- 
nessman who saved valuable time by hav- 


ing his secretary scout a local pub for 
beautiful women and then beep him if 
there were likely prospects. 

токхо--Тве Womens Action Group 
handed out awards to the most offensive 
people and organizations. One of the top 
offenders was Rapeman, а comic-strip 
hero who assaults young girls, “Rapeman” 
is popular among high school students. 


JUDGMENT DAY = 


CRANADA, SIN Jesus of Nazareth has 
been tried in absentia and found innocent 
of the political disloyalty that led to his 
Crucifixion by the Romans. Judge Ed- 
uardo Rodriguez, who gave Jesus a bench 
trial, stated, “My intention was to give Je- 
sus of Nazareth a just sentence and teach 
а lesson to those who judged him.” 


IMPROPER WITHORAWALS== 


NEW YoRK—The state health depart- 
ment has closed five Manhattan sperm 
banks because they do not have licenses 
and because they engage in bad banking 
practices. Two of the banks—apparently 
because of errors in bookkeeping—im- 
‚bregnated women with sperm that was not 
their husbands: 


© BLIND THREATS 


WASHINGTON, DC —Concerned Women 
for America and the American Family As- 
sociation are threatening yet another boy- 
cott —ihis time against any company that 
might sponsor “Secret Passions,” a gay 
soap opera that has not even been picked 
up by a national network. The pre-emp- 
tive strike against what CMA. terms 
“prime-time perversion" includes sending 
postcards to the three major networks in 
forming them of a possible sponsor boy- 
сой. No one from C.W.A. or the A.EA. has 
seen the pilot. 


ЕШТЕ Е 


roronto—Canada’s female postal 
workers are objecting lo new uniform 
shirts that become see-through when wet, 
“There is a modesty problem with some fè- 
male carriers,” a Canada Post spokesper- 
son conceded. The postal service has 
decided to let women letter carriers wear 
their old shirts—at least for the present. 


-— FLORIDA FOLLIES — 


MIAMI—A policewoman posing as a 
prostitute was propositioned by a 40-year- 
old man, and now a Dade County judge 
must decide whether soliciting for spank- 
ing 15 the same as soliciting for sex. The 
suspect's public defender argued that “the 
act of requesting a spanking ts not prima 
facie evidence of sexual activity” and 
that, m any case, the man did not request 
that the lady cop remove her clothes. Says 
the accused, “I had seen a study on corpo- 
ral punishment on the news and wanted 
lo try it ош, so I asked to spank her bot- 
tom.” The judge postponed further action 
until both sides research the issue. 

TALLAHASSEE—Governor Bob Мак 
tinez, famous for his hard-line stances 
against abortion and in favor of the death 
penalty, has taken another stern stance— 
against brief swimwear. He and his cabi- 
net passed a measure outlawing thongs, 
G stringy and any other skimpy swimsuit 
that exposes the buttocks of men or women 
or the lower parts of women's breasts. 


^— RHONCATHDN — 


WASHINGTON, DC.— The Supreme Court 
has ruled that a policeman posing as a 
prison inmate need not warn a criminal 
suspect of his rights before quizzing him 


about a crime. The decision limits the 
1966 “Miranda” rule, which requires 
law-enforcement officers to inform sus- 
pects in police custody of their right to re- 
main silent and their right lo counsel. 


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12 or unsweetened pineappl 

large ice cubes, crushed 

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4 completely broken up and liquid 
is frothy. Serve in а tall glass over 

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22 Makes four eight-ounce drinks. 


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Reporter's Notebook 


DOES CENSORSHIP KILL BRAIN CELLS? 


It used to be argued by weird village 
priests that sex destroyed brain cells. As a 
result, generations of Catholic boys grew 
up fearing that they would blow an exam if 
they masturbated. That theory never had 
а shred of scientific foundation and has 
been discarded. Buta modified version of 
it seems plausible in light of current data. 
Recent experience suggests that thinking 
about other people's sex lives kills portions 
of the brain. 

Sex makes people crazy. Not actually do- 
ing it; that’s usually a release from mental 
tension. What drives some people nuts 
the notion that others may be having lewd 
thoughts. How else to explain the sexual- 
madness that afflicts some 


Americans; 

Look at the character who went after the 
rap group 2 Live Crew down in Florid: 
This guy thinks hes Batman. No kidding. 
He drinks out of a Batman cup, wears a 
Batman watch and has a Batman poster 
plastered across his refrigerator door. 
‘This caped crusader, Florida lawyer Jack 
‘Thompson, told a reporter for the L 
Times that his enemy, Luther Campbell, 
leader of 2 Live Crew, is “the Joker.” You 
can’t make stuff like this up. 

The attacks on artistic freedom emanate 
from a tightly knit circle of funda tali: 
right-wingers. "Thompson says he got 
turned on to the crusade against 2 Live 
Crew after the Rever 
is notorious censorship lobby dist 
transcript of the rap groups lyrics. 
Wildmon’s group that initiated the 
on the Nation lowment for the 
plaining about 
Andres Serrano's contr photo Piss 
rist. Wildmon also tried 10 get Martin 
Scorsese's film The Last Temptation of 
Christ banned.) 

Unfortunately, many civil libertarians— 
horrified by what they perceived as the 
sexist and violent content of 2 Live Crew's 
lyrics—shirked this latest challenge. Why 
is it so easy to forget that freedom 
visible? As noted First Amendment 
Floyd Abrams puts i 
of a dedication of a people to fr 
sion is always whether they are willing to 
protect expression that they find really 
distasteful.” 

Abr 
sion of a 
Arts—fun 


ks this case with the suppres- 
nal Endowment for the 
led exhibit of photographs by 


if so, america is losing 
neurons at a terrifying rate 


opinion By ROBERT SCHEER 


the late Robert Mapplethorpe, which the 
censors managed to get pulled from the 


prestigious Corcoran Gallery in Washing- 
ton. The director of a Cincinnati museum 
that exhibited the works was arrested. The 


Mapplethorpe case has received far 
greater support in establishment circles 
than have the rappers, but Abrams thinks 
both are victims of the same violation of 
the First Amendment. “We are at a turning 
point in enforcement of the obscenity 
laws," he says. “I dont separate the 2 Live 
Crew album from the Robert Mapple- 
thorpe exhibit.” 

Neither does Batman/Thompson, who 
boasts, “There is a cultural war going on.” 

“Thompson is not given to doubt about 
his calling by a higher power. “I believe the 
world is headed toward apocalyptic de- 
struction,” he told an L.A. Times interview- 
er, adding that "Government exists to 
point people God-ward." So much for the 
separation of church and state. 

A secular explanation of Thompsons 


crusade against him and his music is 
offered by 2 Live Crews Campbell. In 
1988, Thompson, a Republican, ran ur 


successfully to unseat Dade County States 
Auorney Janet Reno, a Democrat, and 
mpbell helped produce a record favor- 
ng Reno. “He lost the election and has 
been after me ever since,” Campbell 
insists. 

Those who attack 2 Live Crew because 
the group's lyrics are sexist may have 
qualms about Thompson, their strange 
bedfellow. During the 1088 campaign, ac- 
cording to The Miami Herald, he handed 
Reno a questionnaire insisting she chee 
the appropriate box after the line “1, Janet 
bisexual, homosexual, hetero- 


s letter carried the following 
do not respond . . . then 
you will be deemed to have checked one of 
the first two boxes.” Reno refused to reply 
and won the election anyway. 

You have to be a bit odd to be pushing 
the censors’ line at this historical moment 
when it is so clearly out of syne with the 
time. Hungary has marked its move to 
greater freedom by permitting the publi- 
on of a Hungarian edition of Playboy. 
In eastern Europe, the lifting of the dead 
hand of Stalinism means the end of puri- 
nical restraints that would have made 
Batman/ Thompson redundant. Í never 


have understood why the right-wing fun- 
mentalists in this country don't embrace 
communism as it is being practiced in 
places such as Guba under Castro and as it 
was practiced in pre-Gorbachev Russ 
You cannot take it away from Castro, Senor 
Clean, that he fundamentally altered the 
erotic life of Havana, turning it from per- 
haps the most permissive, even decadent, 
spot in the world into the capital of 
squeaky clean. Cincinnati should adopt 
Havana as a sister city. 

But the Communist world is going over 
to freedom, which means that people have 
the right to check out what they want 10 
check out, Las Isaw films 
at packed showings at the Writer's Union 
that 1 have yet to find in this country. One 
cular, Pier Paolo Pasolini's Salo or 
120 Days of Sodom, would turn Batman/ 
‘Thompson blue. 1 have not met anyone іп 
ап film, 
ough and 
extreme at times, it is an important state- 
ment on the sexual basis of fascism. Will 
Moscow now become the center of the 
avant-garde, and will we be the new reac- 
tionarie: 

As the rest of the world lunges to em- 
brace our vision of freedom for consenting 
adults—buy what you want when you want 
it— Americas home-gro 
more virulent than ev 
conservatives but are frantic to shove the 
big nose of Government into what should 
be the most private recesses of our imagi 
nations. Evidently, they detest the very 
market forces that castern Europeans now 
embrace. Make no mistake, not only do 
these zealots wish to deny artistic freedom 
and shred the Constitution but, Lord save 
us, they are true subversives who seek—in 
the manner of Brezhnevs central plan- 
ners—to control the market. Their record 
is distinctly un-American: Record sellers 
and musicians are arrested, gallery ех: 
hibits shut down, museum directors and 
trustees indicted and conven 
intimidated into removing publications 
that readers want to buy. The sovereignty 
of the consumer is denied; some censor 
knows better how to spend the customer's 
hard-earned dollar. Thats what it’s all 
about, isn't и? You want to buy a ticket to a 
show or buy a book, and they won't let you. 

When I younger, it was the works of 
Henry Miller, D. H. Lawrence and James 


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Joyce that I could not legally purchase, по 
matter how many dollars I put 
Ed Sullivan wouldnt ev 


the censors have their way, its rap mu: 
and X-rated videos that 
difference. Of course, in our free society, 
the censors go to work only when a book, 
film or record is too explicitly sexual. Not 
when it is wrong, racist or violent, only 
when it may send blood to the privates. 

vitably liars. They almost 
never admit seeking to ban a work because 
of its social content, bec that would 
patently violate the spirit of the First 
Amendment. So they find a convenient 
loophole by insisting that sexual ideas are 
not ideas at all. Call someone a kike or a 
nigger and you are constitutionally pro- 
tected. Sell extremely violent movies such 
as The Texas Cham Saw Massacre ок, more 
recently, The Omen, in which women are 
routinely decapitated, or even Batman, in 
which violent death is the norm, and the 
law leaves you alone. But dare to refer, in 
what some consider а prurient manner, to 
sexual activity and they can slam you into 


jail. 
Time out for a crash course in constitu 
tional law as it applies to obscenity: The 


Supreme Court has tended to define 
broadly the free-speech guarantee of the 
First Amendment, with one glaring excep- 
tion—the expression of ideas about sex. 
This absurdity, rendered in the “obscenity 
standard” codified the Court's. land- 
mark Miller decision of 1973. created the 
one major loophole that has so far been 
torn in Amendment protections. In 
Miller, the Court held that the expression 
of sexual thoughts or imagery сап be 
afoul of current commu- 
deeming artis- 


tic or political value. 

Think of that for a moment. Ideas that 
violate a community's racial or religious 
norms are constitutionally protected. So 
the Nazis in Skokie, Illinois, had a right to 
march, swastikas and all. They could shout 
that Jews deserved to die in Hitlers gas 
chambers or that blacks should be slaves— 
and that would be protected as part of the 
traffic іп ideas—as it should be. But if 2 
Live Crews Campbell raps that women 
want to commit impersonal oral sex, he 
can be thrown into jail. 

[he argument is that Campbell is not 
expressing ideas but merely seeking 10 
arouse his audience. The distinction is 
meaningless. Surely, the Nazis seek to 
rouse their audiences emotionally. Are only 
anemic ideas, those without emotional im 
pact, to be constitutionally protected? Who 
are we kidding? The album Ay Nasty As 
They Wanna Be did not come to our atten: 
tion because of its erotic or even porno- 
graphic content; it weak competitor in 
that category. The album irritates precisely 
because of its idea: 

What could be more provocative, given 
this nations sick racial and sexual history, 
than the specter of black male sexuality? 


Some may be troubled by what used to 
be called “race mixing” at 2 Live Crew 
concerts. “As several white female teens 
danced with and kissed black male teens to 
the beat of a thundering bass that shook 
the building floor,” Lee May of the L.A. 
imes wrote, “reporters who remember 
Georgia's old racist climate joked that the 
rap group's name ought to be Your Worst 
Nighunare.” 

Taken at their worst, ignoring any possi- 
bility of a spoof or hyperbole, Campbell's 
lyrics assert that women, including, wh 
women, want to be sexually used by males, 
including, obviously, black males. One 
сап condemn this idea as misogynist, 
even fascist, but not at the same moment 
deny its being an idea—indeed, a powerful 
one. The album is threatening precisely 
because it has thoughts that are bold 
and ugly: 

Campbell is right in arguing that he is 
subjected to selective prosecution. The 
senuments expressed on his album are 
widely advanced by others who are not 
harassed. He mentions Andrew Dice Clay 
and Guns n Roses, whose albums re- 
mained on the shelves when 2 Live Crews 
were banned. There are many other ех- 
amples. Eddie Murphy Rau, widely avail- 
able on cable television, far more 
cflectively evokes the claims of male sexual 
domination than do Campbells lyrics. 
Why not also ban the movie 9/2 Weeks, the 
films of Lina Wertmiiller, the novels of 


D. H. Lawrence and almost every romance 

novel ever written? Hey, and what about 

that lustful Roger Rabbit? 
Batman/Thompson recently initiated a 


movie The Cook, the Thief, His Wife & Her 
Lover. Maybe if he suceceds with such re- 
spectable targets, we'll awake from the ap- 


athy that surrounds the 2 
But censors are vultures who thrive on th 
blood of their victims, and a defeat for 
Luther Campbell will make it all the more 

ficult for the next victim to defend h 
self. A case in point: When Bruce Spr 
steen had the courage to permit his music 
to be used in 2 Live Crews Banned in 
the U.S.A., Batman/ Thompson responded 
with а crusade against the Boss himself. 
“Bruce and Luther сап go to hell geth- 
cr,” he thundered, adding that “Bruce 
Springsteen is facilitating the sexual abuse 
of women and the mental molestation of 
children.” 

Banned in the U.S.A. does not contain 
ally explicit lyrics. The songs message 
an attack on censorship, not an attempt 
to rouse the prurient interests of adults or 
children. Yet Thompson had no reserva 
tions about smearing Springsteen's defense 
of artistic freedom with the smut brush. 

Thompson is a dangerous joke. The se- 
rious villains here are the music-business 
executives, on both the production and re- 
tail ends, who have made megabuc 
the energy of their artists but run for cover 


crew case. 


at the first hint of atack. As Campbell 
notes, “In some areas, we have radio sta- 
tions supporting us. But the record indus- 
try, no.” According to а spokeswoman foi 
the Recording Industry Association. of. 
America, Nasty was “the first recording in 
the history of popular music to be deemed 
obscene.” A pretty serious precedent, but 
many music retailers quickly joined the of- 
fensive against the record, pulling it from 
stores when no legal order required them 
todo so, 

Who are the gutless wonders who run 
Musicland, the nations largest chain of 
record stores, who dared to ban Nasty 
from all their outlets? Even the Federal 
judge who ruled against 2 Live Crew blast- 
ed that sort of prior constraint as a viola- 
tion of the Constitution. Still, eager 10 
escape Batman/Thompson’s hate salvos, 
other chains followed Musicland's lead, 
pulling, or not restocking, the record— 
even in communities where prosecutors 
had not acted because they felt the lyrics 
did not violate community standards. Why 
have the top music profiteers been so 
chicken in coming to 2 Live Crews 
defense? 

The Thompson 


and Wildmons of this 
world are nothings when stripped of their 
power to frighten, But when they can 
make entertainment executives—not 10 
mention judges and prosecutors—get 
down on their knees without а fight, we are 


serious trouble. 


One of the Guys You'll Find 


in Laredo Boots. че 


E 


Steve Wariner 


57 


THE ART OF ANIMAL HUSBANDRY. 


СОСМАС. LART DE MAR 


ELL. 


Since 1715 


Always provide her 
with expensive jewels. 
Always pamper her 
with Martell Cognac. 
And always, always, 


be a tiger in bed 


PLAYBOY INTERVIEW: SH | NTARO ISH | HARA 


а candid conversation with the controversial co-author of “the japan that can 
say no” about racism, lee iacocca, the bomb and whether east will ever meet west 


Tn the political thriller “Three Days of the 
Condor” Robert Redford plays a CIA opera- 
tive whose job is to read everything. He reads 
books from around the world in virtually 
every language. He is nearly killed because 
his reading leads him to a CIA within the 
CIA that is planning an invasion of the Mid- 
dle East. 

Inthe real-life Pentagon, there is a division 
called DARPA, the Defense Advanced 
Research Projects Agency. In 1958, after the 
US. was caught off guard by the Soviets’ 
launch of Sputnik, DARPA was founded to 
make sure there were no more technological 
surprises. The think tank is concerned with 
world-wide high-tech development as it may 
relate to the military, DARPA voraciously 
searches ош! material on technological prog- 
ress, from semiconductor and superconductor 
research to radar 

DARPA is in contact with readers around 
the world perusing everything. One of them 
discovered a book that the agency believed 
was relevant 10 national security. DARPA 
had it translated from Japanese into English. 
Pentagon spokesman Pele Williams says that 
the translation was made “for internal pur 
poses only" However, “copies for distribu- 
tion” ended up in the office of Congressman 
Mel Levine, whose aide says only that “it was 
leaked by sources we have inside the Pen- 
tagon” No one from DARPA will comment. 


“The circulation of the pirated book was an 
insult to freedom of speech. What happened 
to me was a kind of lynching И is a shameful 
thing for America lo have done. 1 plan to sue 
the Pentagon over the illegal translation.” 


“No to ieru Nihon,” translated as “The 
Japan That Can Say No,” was written by the 
cofounder and chairman of Sony Corpora- 
tion, Akio Morita, and a Japanese politician 
named Shintaro Ishihara, who may become 
Japan’ next prime minister. The book, which 
al presstime had sold 1,100,000 copies in 
Japan, is essentially a collection of speeches by 
the two authors. In his sections, Morita (who 
was the subject of the August 1982 “Playboy 
Interview”) chastises the US. for Из short- 
sightedness, for becoming “an economy with- 
ош substance" and for making inferior 
products yet complaining when the Japanese 
don't buy them. 

Il was Ishthara’s sections of the book that 
concerned the Pentagon. “The book had dele- 
terivus implications not only for our economic 
but for our military future,” according to a 
Pentagon source. From DARPAS unauthor- 
ized translation, these are some of Ishihara’s 
points the Pentagon considered relevant to 
national security 

* “Whether it be midrange nuclear weap- 
ons or intercontinental ballistic missiles, what 


ensures the accuracy of weapons is none other 
than compact, high-precision computers [that 
rely on computer chips]. . . И Japan stopped 
selling chips [to the U.S], there would 
be nothing more [the US] could do. 
If... Japan sold chips to the Soviet Union 
and stopped selling them lo the US., this 


“Nothing can be sweeter revenge for us than 
this: The one country that has been bombed 
by nuclear weapons can have a great effect on 
the reduction of their availability. Isnt that 
the mast sophisticated kind of revenge?” 


would upset the entire military balance.” 

- “The American nuclear umbrella is just 
an illusion as far as the Japanese people are 
concerned. The time has come for Japan to 
tell the US. that we do not need American 
[military] protection. Japan will protect itself 
with its own power and wisdom.” 

* “America wants to steal Japanese know- 
how. 

* "Japanese technology has advanced so 
much that America gets hysterical, an indica- 
tion of the tremendous value of that card— 
perhaps our ace.” 

“When the time comes that Japan does say 
no decisively оп a particular issue, there may 
be a dramatic reaction Should America 
behave unreasonably toward Japan, Japan 
must open channels to deal with the rest of the 
world from a different standpoint.” 

The translation hit at a time when, fueled 
by the 50-billion-dollar trade deficit, 
US.—Japanese relations were al their stormi- 
ext since wartime. In November 1989, Repre- 
Sander М. Levin entered Ше 
unauthorized translation into the Congres- 
sional Record. Levin is a Representative for 
Michigans 17th District, Detroit, where the 
book was read by Lee Iacocca, who wrote an 
editorial that appeared in The Detroit Free 
Press. “Moritas and Ishihara's arrogance 
pours salt into an already open wound,” 
wrote Jacocca. “We don't need their conceited 


1 а 


sentative 


PHOTOGRAPHY EY RANDY O'ROURKE 


“The US. is such a major power that the 
global economy ts affected by anything it does. 
Protectionism would harm the entire world 
economy. The US. can revive itself Н must 
learn to produce good products again." 


59 


PLAYBOY 


harangues right now.” 

laccoca used the book to fire his speeches. 
As to Ishihara’s contention that Americans 
are racially prejudiced toward the Japanese, 
he retorted, “This from a Japanese?” He 
added, “I hope the Moritallshihara book 
somehow gels published in English—the 
unabridged version. I'll tell America what 
our competitors think of us. And what they're 
going to do to их” 

Morita disianced himself from the book, 
saying he “regretted” his involvement and 
that he had not been “fully aware” of Ishi- 
haras opinions when he agreed to contribute 
to the book. 

Ishihara, meanwhile, came to Washington, 
ostensibly to mend fences, The US. was not 
entirely hospitable. Senator Max Baucus, 
chairman of the Finance Committees. Sub 
committee on International Trade, refused to 
see him. Through an aide, Senator Baucus 
said, “United States-bashing at Mr. Ishi 
haray volume level is а little beyond the 
pale.” Ishihara did meet with Representatives 
Levin and Richard Gephardt, Senator 
Richard Lugar and Commerce Secretary 
Robert Mosbacher. 

The Americans were surprised by the man 
they met. Ishihara, at 57, is strikingly hand- 
some, with thick black hair streaked with sil- 
ver. He is partial to well-tailored, expensive 
Western suits (by Savile Row) and ties (by 
Armani). He is not the Japanese politician 
Washington is used to—indirect, restrained, 
humble. 

His background is eclectic. Ishihara grew 
up in Zushi, south of Tohyo, where his father 
was in the shipping business. He is well edu- 
cated (a graduate of Hitotsubashi Universi- 
1y), and although he was groomed to be a 
diplomat and a certified public accountant, 
he preferred the arts. He made a name for 
himself not as a politician but as a film maker 
and then a successful writer of more than 50 
novels and essays. In 1956, his “Season of the 
Sun" became а best seller. He won many liter- 
ary awards, including the 1956 Akutagawa 
Prize, a prestigious award for young Jap- 
anese writers. 

Elected to the Diet, or parliament, in 
1968, he has served as transport minister 
and head of Japans environmental agency. 
He has long been involved in Japan foreign 
affairs and counts among his friends Presi- 
dents Corazon Aquino of the Philippines and 
Oscar Arias of Costa Rica and former Presi- 
dent Ronald Reagan. 

іп his most recent bid for re-election, Ishi- 
hara received more votes than any other Diet 
candidate, and there is more and more 
talk that he could become Japans next 
prime minister. 

When we caught up with Ishihara in 
Tokyo, Playboy was just one of hundreds of 
American and international publications 
trying to interview him. Contributing Editor 
David Sheff persuaded him to sit down for the 
most in-depth series of interviews he has 
given. Here is Sheff's report: 

“Expecting a veritable Attila the Hun 


(even he has said that Americans expect ‘the 
Devil incarnate’), Í was caught off guard by 
Ishikara’s frequent laughter and boyishness. 1 
asked him how he felt about being called the 
Japanese Jesse Helms, He lit up. He thought 
Td said the Japanese Jesse James. 

“Japanese businessmen often spend their 
evenings in karaoke bars, drinking and talk- 
ing and singing into a microphone to the ас- 
companiment of prerecorded music. Trying to 
keep up one night, fueled by sake, 1 found 
myself singing I Left My Heart in San Fran- 
cisco’ in front of a projected image of the 
Golden Gate Bridge. 

“Soon it became known that I was in 
Japan interviewing Ishihara, and excited 
woices іп the bar began to drown ош the 
singing. He is at once Japans most respected 
and most loathed politician. One young 
businessman said, ‘He is а very bad man." 
But far more people in the bar—and others 
with whom I talked in several Japanese 
cities—feel that his is the voice they have been 
waiting for 

“As one of my drinking companions said, 
"He is the only Japanese who bravely speaks 
ош to the world for us. And what he speaks is 
the truth. 


“Many countries have 
шоп wars and many have 
lost the! 
tend to develop superiority 


. Viclor countries 


complexes. It is very 


human, very natural.” 


“Later, in the ancient capital city of Kyoto, 
over a traditional Japanese dinner at a 300- 
yearold ryokan, Kyoto University professor 
Ernest Satow told me, ‘Ishihara will be prime 
minister because he has stirred something in 
the Japanese people. He is what they want to 
be but have not been able to be: candid, 
volatile, powerful." 

“For cach session at his Tokyo office, 1 sat 
on a big leather couch catty-corner from him. 
On one wall hung a painting of Mount Fuji 
(painted by one of his four sons, Nobuhiro, 
now in New York studying art). 

"During the interviews, а secretary 
brought іп cups of twig tea or juice and then 
bowed before leaving. A translator scribbled 
shorthand notes ах Ishihara spoke im 
Japanese—slowly and cautiously al first but 
with increasing agilation. Occasionally, to 
emphasize a point, he would answer in Eng- 
lish. He peppered his conversation with di- 
gressions and jokes. When I was leaving one 
session, he said, "We haven't touched on the 
most important trade issue I think the 
Government of the Uniled States should 
pressure the Japanese government nol to 
have nudes scratched oul on imported. 
Playboy magazines. 


“But most of the time, he was deadly 


serious and no matter how pressed, did not 
back down.” 


i've caused quite a controversy 
across the Pacific with No to ieru Nihon 
Were you trying to stir things up? 
ISHIHARA: The book was never intended to 
inits current for 
nst my will, a pirated version was cir- 
culated in the United States. The first 1 
heard of the illegal translation was that it 
was being read in, of all places, the U.S. 
Congress. It was entered into the Congr 
sional Record. When I finally got a copy, I 
realized that it was filled with mistransla- 
tions; some essential parts were purposely 
omitted. It is very disturbing. The circula- 
tion of the pirated book of mine was an 
sult to freedom of speech. What happened 
to me was a kind of lynching, И Ба shame- 
ful thing for America to have done. I plan 
to publish an accurate, formal version, 
which is now being prepared. At that 
time, I plan to sue the Pentagon over the il- 
legal translation. 
PLAYBOY: One of the m 
nts in the bool 
of the tensions. between 
Japan are not due to trade issues but to 
American racial prejudice inst. the 
japanese. Is that an accurate restatement 
of how you feel? 

ISHIHARA: | think it is true without a doubt. 
Anti-Japanese racism on the part of Amer- 
as is deeply rooted. 

PLAYBOY: Is it racism or fear? 

ISHIHARA: [Slowly, in English] Fear based 
on 


controversial 
that most 
America and 


sm. 


How about fear of econo 
ation? 

ISHIHARA: The New York Times reported. 
nergers, one between Sony and 
Paramount and the other between an Aus- 
tralian company and Twentieth Centu 
Fox. If you compare the way the two merg- 


two 


ers were described, you sce the racial prej- 
udice against the Japanese, There was so 
much controversy about that Sony/ 
Paramount merge 


ments in America, Rockefeller Center, 
and about Sony's acquisition of Columbia 
no one talks about the other 

i crican business 


estate. Britain, Canada and the 
nds all have extensive investments 
in the s does Japan. No one’s talking 


about the Dutch or British invasion. И not 
on. Mr. Peter Peterson, the 


1 of the Commerce. Depa 


nst the Japanese 
le trade problems much 


worse. 
PLAYBOY: But Japan's emergence as an cco- 
nomic force is relatively n Can it be as 
simple as that? 

ISHIHARA: In the history of the In 
race, many countries have won wars and 
many have lost them. Victor countries tend 
to develop superiority complexes. It is very 


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human, very natural. It has happened over 
and over again, H is that—the legacy 
from the war—and something else that 
Europeans feel toward people of color. 
Most of modernism was created by 
Europeans. Races of colored people who 
were not part of the modernism became 
the objects of a Eu- 


these people. For one thing, there is a gen- 
eral view that Vietnamese refugees should 
not be accepted in Japan. which 1 dont 
agree with. Still, the people who do not 
want to accept Vietnamese refugees into 
Japan—pcople representing the interests 
of the labor and justice ministries—do not 


not on Germany But America didn't have 
the bomb when Germany surrendered. An 
inflammatory and inaccurate point such as 


that makes it seem you were intentionally 
trying to incite Japanese people 
Americans. 


шаш 


just said out loud the feelings 
that are harbored by 


ropean superiority 
complex. In some 
cases, Furopeans 
colonized the peo 
ple they considered 
backward. When the 
modernism period 
came to an end 
the descendants of 
those Europeans, 
white Americans, 
retained a superior- 
ity complex toward 
aces of color, 

As it happens, 
Japan was an 
vanced country in 
terms of its culture 
in premodern times 
and was quick to 
grasp the impor- 
tance of modernism 
when the Western 
powers came into 
Asia in Ше Nine- 
teenth Century. The 
Meiji leaders pushed 
Japan. out of all the 
colored people, 10 
adapt to modernism 
very quickly In 
some cases, Japan 
surpassed Europe 
and the United 
States. And that 
fact, and the fact 
that a nonwhite race 
is catching up with 
the Americans and 
taking over the lead 
іп advanced tech- 
nology, is intolerable 
to Americans, 


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almost all of the 
Japanese people. 
Most of us feel this 
in our hearts, It may 
be an uncomfort- 
able message for 
Americans to hear. 
PLAYBOY: But it's not 
true 

ISHIHARA: In gener- 
al people in the 
United States do not 


know how many 
people died when 
that A-bomb was 


dropped and how 
many people have 
died as a result of 


the ses caused 
by и. Mention that 
and Americans al- 


ways say "Japan 
attacked Pearl Har- 
bor.” 
PLAYBOY: Is Japan's 
history any less bru- 
? How do you jus- 
tify ihe incredible 
genocide during the 
Sino-Japanese War? 
ISHIHARA: — Pistols 
and machine guns 
are not the same 
weapons. 


them. And what did 
do? Where did 
Japanese people 
massacre? 

PLAYBOY: For one 
example, in the 
rape of Nanking in 
1937, more than a 


PLAYBOY: Are the imaging of higher frequencies. hundred. thousand 
Japanese any less So when you get a pair you won't spend a fortune. It will only sound civilians were mas- 
prejudiced against like you did. = sacred. 

Americans, against 2 = THE НЕНІТА! ISHIHARA: People say 
gaijin? For free literature and the name of y GE En that the Japanese 
ВММАВА Ot course, | your nearest dealer call L8O04SPEAKR. А | ) V ENT ° | mte а olocaust 


the Japanese peo- 
ple are conscious 
of non-Japanese, in 
that white people 


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Sound as it was meant to be heard. 


there, but that is 
nor true. H is a 
story made up by 
the Chinese. H has 


are white, black peo- 

ple are black and Southeastern Asian рео- 
ple a yellow race, though a bit 
darker than we are, And although a part 
of the Japanese superiority complex has 
remained, most of it has disappeared. 
PLAYBOY: Ask Vietnamese, Koreans and 
other minorities living in Japan. They may 
have another opinion 

ISHIHARA: It is true that prejudices existed, 
but we have less prejudice now toward 


feel that way out of prejudice. E say their 
reasons аге unreasonable but not racist; 
they cite security and expenses as prob- 
lems. I believe we should accept the Viet- 
namese refugees. Ме have а labor 
shortage. There is no reason not to allow 
them in. 

PLAYBOY: To prove that the US. is racist 
toward Japan, you cite the fact that Ameri- 
ca dropped the atomic bomb on Japan and 


tarnished the im- 
age of Japan, but it is a lic. 
PLAYBOY: Most historians disagree 
ISHIHARA: But that is not the issue. Of 
course wars are brutal. 1 don't deny even 
traditional weapons cause extensive casu- 
alties. But you dropped the atomic bombs 
on Japan and killed two hundred thou- 
sand to three hundred thousand people. 
Because of the aftereffects of the bombs, 
more people are dying still. In my view, 


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they are completely differ 
terms of massacre. Only twice in the histo- 
ry of mankind have atomic bombs been 
4. Both times, they were dropped by 
try on the same country 
before had that kind of holocaust 
been perpetrated. That fact remains in 
the minds of the Japanese people. 
PLAYBOY: Regardless of the history of 
ism in both countries, part of the с 
rent anti- Japanese sentiment in America i 
based on some hard realities: In Detroit, 
people are out of jobs—at least as they 
because of Japanese cars. 
blaming the wi 


view it 
ISHIHARA: They 
people for la 
can 
Japanese; it is Amei 
industrial leaders. 
A few years ago, in California, Toyota 
and General Motors got together and 
formed a new company. In one la 
they were producing G.M. cars a 
cars. What happened was that the General 
Motors cars didn't sell very well; the To 
cars sold extremely well. Since they w 
producing cars that were evidently so dif 
ferent, wouldnt you think top manage 
ment would put attention into design or 
other factors behind the difference in 


mg 


ing their jobs. What Ame 
should fear is 


not 


workers 


sales? No, American managers blame 
workers, blame Japan—everything except 
themselves. 


PLAYBOY: Nonetheless, as you saw when 
you went there, in Detroit, many people 


blame the Japanese. 

ISHIHARA: Well, maybe half the people in 
Detroit were against me, but the other half 
were for me. When Mr. Sander Levin, the 
Representative from Detroit, said 1 should 
go to his constituency, somebody said that 1 
would be in even far more d. тїп 
roit than on Capitol Hill. I said, they 
me, but they 
should their American 
m So I told them 
and they listened hard, I think. Some of 
them applauded 

PLAYBOY: Were yi 
you met in Deti 
ISHIHARA: | was encouraged by the dialog. 
I do not disagree with their point that the 
Japanese market is closed, but that does 
not account for the fact that America 

are the real probl 
American m: 
ible. Look at Mr. lacocca 


them at 


throw 


affected by the work 


What has he done that is 
ible? 
ISHIHARA: Here is an example: When 


Japan was forced to raise the value of 
the yen, Japanese trade competitiveness 
should have automatically gone down, 
because Japanese car prices went up. 
Under those circumstances, Mr. lacocca 
could have sold cars at a much better price 
compared with Japanese cars, so that the 
US. automobile manufacturers could gain 
more of the market share. But instead, he 
raised the prices of his cars in proportion 


to the higher prices of the Japanese-made 
cars. The idea was to improve his profit foi 
each car sold, not to give customers a bet- 
ter value, not to gain more Customers, not 
to sell more cars and keep people working. 
If he hadn't raised the prices, the differ- 
ence between Chrysler cars and the 
Japanese cars would have been substan- 
tial—it probably would have meant more 
people buying his cars. That is something 
that ordinary high school students can 
conceive of. 


nal 
United States, but he is no 
Japan at all. No on 


Mr. lacocca may be treated as a nati 
hero 


n the 
d highly i 


ње 
says that America should 
ISHIHARA: It is because Mi 
incompetent, dirty dealing, and 
ys different things at different times. 

5 of how you feel about 
n, he represents the sentiment of many 
American: 
ISHIHARA: There is an important difler- 
ence between Japan and the United State: 
in the way both countries view the respon- 
sibility of a leader to his corporation 
and, even more, to soci The man who 
founded National Panasonic, Konoskuke 
Matsushita, is known as the god of man 
Japan. The reason for his and 


acocca es 
|y по? 


lacocea is irre- 


people 
During а 


, Mr Matsushita 


rece: 


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PLAYEOY 


simply would not lay people off. It brings 
great loyalty to a company when the em- 
ployees are treated with loyalty and re- 
spect. He would not last as a manager of a 
company in the United States very long. In 
the United States, managers must repoi 
to their shareholders at quarterly meetings 
what they are doing to trim costs. A man- 
ager like Mr. Matsushita, who wouldn't lay 
off employees, would be criticized by the 
stockholders. Instead of laying off workers, 
M fer 
workers to another division. [t might take a 
longer time for a profit to show to the 
shareholders, but the long term is more 
important—and the workers are more 
important. 

Despite the fact that Mr. Iacocca buys 
parts from Japan—some of the most 
essential parts for his automobiles—and 
buys automobiles made in Japan and sells 
them under the name of Chrysler, he com- 
рініп» that Americans buy Japanese prod- 
ucts. He, not the Japanese, is his own worst 
enemy. 

PLAYBOY: You said that the American trans- 
lation of your book is missing some impor- 
tant points and that some material was 
taken ош of context. Are there examples? 
ISHIHAR, wrote that there are issues to 
which Japan should say по, but on the 
other hand, there are certain issues to 
which Japan clearly has to say yes. Not only 
have I said this in the book, but since then, 
I have repeatedly said it and it is omitted, 
deleted. 

PLAYBOY: What should Japan say yes to? 
ISHIHARA: I feel that the Japanese domestic 
market should be completely opened. Up 
10 now, our extreme protectionism is what 
has given us full competitive power in the 
business world. But now there are many 
items Japan should import. Japan should 
say yes to America and open our market, 
important—not only to 
say yes to America but for the good of the 
Japanese consumer. 

PLAYBOY: So you admit that Japan's trade 
barriers have hurt the U.S. and Japan and 
that restrictions should be relaxed? 
ISHIHARA: Definitely. Last November 
Economic Planning Department publi: 
some extremely important figures that 
showed that the cost of necessities are, on 
the average, forty percent higher in Tokyo 
. Some things are twice as 
h. Most of those products could be 
cheaper and their quality better if they 
were imported freely in an open market. 
PLAYBOY: Would you agree to abolish the 
protectionist policies responsible for 
Motorola's difficulty in selling car phones 
in Japan? Motorola was finally allowed to 
sell them, but not in Tokyo, which is like 
Japan can sell fax machines in 


America, but not in New k and Los 
Angeles 
ISHIHARA: most shameful example 


ing by the Japanese min- 
try of posts and telecommunications and 
I agree that it must not be tolerated. I 
myself use an N T T-made car phone in 


‘Tokyo and the quality is very poor. Lines 
are often crossed and the system is very 
susceptible to being tapped. Recently, 
there was a rumor that one politici 
telephoning his mistress from his ca 
the conversation was tapped by a yakuza 
(Japanese mafioso], who blackmailed him. 
People have stopped making important 
calls from their cars. 

PLAYBOY: So is your position an open mar- 
ket, with no exceptions, to help correct the 
trade imbalance? 

ISHIHARA: Well, by now, Japanese industries 
have gained much competitiveness. As а 
result of that, no matter how liberalized 
the Japanese market becomes, the U.S. 
might have less, not more, of a market in 
Japan. I've been told it’s not good for me to 
make that kind of statement, but opening 
up the market docs not mean we will be 
overrun by foreign products. Other coun- 
tries might increase their exports to Japan 
for a short time, but they might eventually 
lose out in a freely competitive Japanese 


market. The point is that the United States 
is looking for a solution to the trade imbal- 
ance through liberalization of the Japa- 
nese market, and they might find that that 
is not much of a solution. 


nese dominance 
and automobile 
industries, to name but two examples, 
there have been calls for embargoes 
punitive tariffs. What effect would they 
have? 
ISHIHAR, 
uation but the fr 
wide would collapse. 

PLAYBOY: Should we say yes just to make you 
happy? You admit that the Japanese pro- 
tected their markets to overcome their 
weaknesses and built the economy to com- 
pete with the West. If that kind of protec- 
tionism worked for Japan, why not for 
America? 

ISHIHARA: The United States is such a 
major power that the global economy is 
affected by anything it docs. Protectionism 
would turn the entire world economy 
backward. The U.S. is not only a major out- 
let but a super industrial power. With its 
open environment, the US. сап make 
efforts to revive itself. It must lcarn to pro- 
duce good products again. 

PLAYBOY: But America may need some time 
to catch up. Isn't it our politicians’ respon- 
sibility to figure out some sort of protec- 
tionism, at least in the interim? 

ISHIHARA: Of course, thats your own 
choice, but if you trv to remedy things that 
way, it’s not going to be just America in 
decline but the whole world. American 
companies such as Cummins [Engine], Xe- 
rox, Levi's, Caterpillar and Florida Power 
& Light have turned themselves around 
very quickly by adopting new strategies 
On the other hand, protectionism is an 
easy excuse not to strengthen yourself. 
PLAYBOY: If not by addressing the impedi- 
ments to trade and protectionism, how 
would you suggest America address the 
imbalance? 


‘ot only would they hurt our 
ade system world- 


ISHIHARA: Mr. John А. Young, the presi- 
dent of Hewlett-Packard, was asked to 
write a paper on how the US. economy 
and manufacturing can be revived, how 
the US. can regain its competitiveness. It is 
an extremely accurate report, very edify- 
ing for Japan but moreover for the United 
States. Also, MIT published a voluminous 
report called Made in America that is very 
useful. In Japan, these have been red 
and discussed in detail. ‘Too few Seen 
politicians have even read them. So my 
prescription would be to тепте ma о 
eve in Young's and 
MIT's reports. 
PLAYBOY: What i 
want to see done? 
ISHIHARA: For example, in Japan, in orde 
to suppress excesses іп money games— 
paper shuflling to create profits based on 
nothing—we made it law to impose a high 
tax on capital gains. Why is there nothing 
like that in America to discourage compa- 
y being bought and sold and de- 
stroyed—with no attention to whether or 
not they make a good product? How come 
the United States does not introduce а sim- 
ilar system in order to stop all these exces- 
sive mergers and acquisitions conducted 
on a tactical level by corporations—that 
nothing to do with making the corpo- 
s stronger over the long term for the 
employees and for the economy as a whole? 
1 think if you introduced that, American 
management would conduct its business 
with a foothold on the ground. Maybe then 
Rockefeller Center would not have to be 
sold. Companies executives, instead of 
making mergers and acquisitions, must 
make their companies thrive. Manage- 
ment must be revived if the dynamism of 
american industry is to be revived. It 
means changing their philosophy of how 
10 manage. 

PLAYBOY: Essentially, does that mean emu- 
lating Japanese management styles? 
ISHIHARA: Xerox emulated Xerox of Japan. 
Florida Power & Сек was coached by 


those reports would you 


the western part of Japa 
Cummins did it on the 
many way: 

PLAYBOY: In your book, you threate 
pan could forsake Ame 
ith the Soviet Union—suppl, 
U.S.S.R. with advanced microce 
chip technology to alter the ba 
world power. How ought America respond 
to that threat? 

ISHIHARA: What I said about the computer 
ps is provocative, but the point was 
missed, as it was sensationalized. Three 
years ago, when I was in Washington, 
there was a harsh exchange of view 
between some politicians and me. This was 
immediately after America had passed 
solutions concerning sanctions on the 
le of semiconductors. Washington was in 
a state of hysteria. A man I talked to said 
that a power shift is taking place in the 
world and that the United States is rapidly 
growing closer to the Soviet Union. If, he 


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PLAYBOY 


aid, Japan keeps up its current attitude, 
the US. might abandon Japan. I re- 
sponded by saying that the US.-Japan re- 
lationship is not only 


the rest of the world—its impe 
stronger than ever, If the United State 
sakes Japan, then Japan will have a free 
hand. If Japan were to sell fifth-generation 
computer chips to the Soviet Union, pe 
haps the United States would be in a 
n. When I said that, the 
Everybody stopped talk 


ing. 
PLAYBOY: lt still sounds like a threat. 


гіз 


statement of fact. Japan is 


no longer subservient, having to say yes to 
appease the Americ 
against ou 


ns, even when it is 
Japan cannot be 


PLAYBOY: You 
neous assu 
make those chips. 

The US. can make all the 256K 
chips it wants to, but the chips that will de 
termine the futurc—cssentially the ones 
required for fifth-generation comput 
with a capacity of one and two megabits, 
which are key to targeting ICBMs—are 
not made in America, at least not with con- 
sistent qualit an is five years ahead of 
America in semiconductor technology and 
the gap is wider 
for four- and five-megabit chips and larger 
memory chips. The more sophisticated th 
chips, the greater Japan's dominance. lt 
a fact: The US. is dependent on the 
Japanese chips. 

PLAYBOY: Will Japan—— 

ISHIHARA: [Interrupis] You know, it is quite 
odd that Japanese semiconductor technol- 
ogy is the basi 
pursued by the super nuclear powers— 
Japan, the country that has three. non- 
iples. 1 believe that this fact 


5 based on an erro- 
Amcrica can and docs 


duction Treaty negotiations between the 
United States and the Soviet Uni 
PLAYBOY: How so? 

here was more motivation to 
come to agreement when these countries 
were no longer capable of making 
advances without the help of a third coun 
try, And nothing can be sweeter revenge 
for us than this: The one country tha 
been bombed by nuclear weapons 
position of having a great ellect on the 
reduction of their availability and maybe 
their use. Isn't that the most sophist 
kind of revenge? 


urope, 
will Japan become less dependent 
a market, and th 
ever happens to America will become less 
ignificant to Japan? 
ISHIHARA: I don't think so. It 
question of c 
pendently develop new markets 
PLAYBOY: Yet it is independently develop- 
ing markets and inci g investments 


Imosı everywh 
ISHIHARA: But America has ten times more 
inds of Ба eh in state-of-the-art 
technology than Japan does. Thats not 
going to change. What Japan has is the 
industrial dynamism о make use- 
ful, quality products. That ability has di 
appeared from American industry. So 
think about what each of us does best: 
America and Japan could, working 
together, make a new civilization for the 
entire world—we are a very strong tractor- 
and-engine combination. 

PLAYBOY: With who pulling who: 
ISHIHARA: There is no need for | 
overtake the United 5 number one; 
it is better to Бе a powerful number two— 
not to try to gain hegemony through eco 
nomics. When 1 was talking to Bill 
mmott, who wrote The Sun Also Sets, he 
made the same point. E really think d 
now, more than ever before, the relation 
ship between Japan and the United States 
ance in the history of 
civilization. When I recently met with Con 
gressman Richard Gephardt, he com- 
pared US.— Japan relations to а marriage. 
I asked hi n that Ameri- 


pan to 


"Even brand-new Boeing 
jets may be too dangerous 
for us to board. Rather than 
having such anxiely, it’s 
better for Japan to make 


ils own aircraft." 


ca is the husband and Japan is the wife? 
Thats fine, because a wife can clearly say 
no when she wants to, unlike a mistress, 
who can be discarded if she says no.” 
PLAYBOY: Yet some economists predict that 
Japan will have the number-one economy 
in the world by the year 2000. 

ISHIHARA: Measured by what? It so hap- 
pens that in the present day, Japan has the 
largest financing capability, but that’s all. 
As far as the potential for new technolo- 
gies is concerned, the US. by far surp; 
the capabilities of Japan. The J 
people excel in developing products— 
naking them commercially vi 
n is the seca 
And this fact should be acknowledged by 
the United States. 

PLAYBOY: How? 


ISHIHARA: By respecting our indepe 
and g us as a partner. The 4 
does not acknowledge that the f 


the mistress is asking her mas- 
» have her registered officially so th; 
she can formally become his wife. Its th; 
if we are the wife, we must be recognized 


as such. But the United States now does 
not want to acknowledge Japan's power in 
the world. 

PLAYBOY: In the case of the airline industry, 
youre not suggesting joint venture u 
want Japan to take over yet another indus 
try America has dominated? 

ISHIHARA: Japan experienced one of the 
due to 
"proper repair work done on a Boeing 
"oto 
president of Boe- 
nowledged that his 
employees’ education was poor, and the 
company was implementing a re-education 
and retraining program. However, he said 
that the retraining period wi 
ye 
eral years, even br: 
may be too dan ous for us to board with- 
out feeling some sense of anxiety. Rather 
than having such anxiety, its better for 
Japan to make its own aircraft 

PLAYBOY: Youre presuming that the Japa- 
nese can make better aircraft. 

ISHIHARA: We have already manufactured 
American fighters with fewer defects than 
the same fighters made by Americans. We 
could make civilian-usc aircraft. 1 think 
we could save many lives. So if the United 
States would tell us to w ‚en or eight 
years, then perhaps we would be better off 
making our own aircraft. But if 1 say this, 
it might produce more misunderstanding. 
PLAYBOY: There is nothing stopping Japan 
from manufacturing its own jets for non- 
military use, is there? 

ISHIHARA: The US. has very monopolistic 
aviation treaties with many countries. We 
cannot sell our aircraft even if we hav 

superior performance. We are developing 
the STOL, which can take off and land on 
a limited runway The UK. has a great in- 
terest in it. But, in general, Japan has not 
been strong enough to say we are going to 
do something if the United States sa 
not do it. 

PLAYBOY: In what other cases should Japan 
have said no to America? 

ISHIHARA: The United States essentially 
squelched а domestic 
fighter plane greed to a joint ver 
ture with the ед States to make an 
inferior plane. In dealing with the United 
States, former prime minister Nakasone, 
whom I introduced to President Re 
id only, as if he were 
Corps serge gener 
were many times he should have s 


aircraft. A Japanese journalist w 
h a vic 


cattle to visit wi 
i. The e 


g jets 


ys do 


for 


d, “No, 
mised America many things, 


technology, without 

ing their significance. He gave away 
strong cards because he could not say no. 
believe that Japan should 


id. we would make a modifi 
F-I6. Ht is as if since the United S 
п Japan economically. it is deter- 


ned to keep Japan under its control in 


(———————1 “Ж. 


PLAYBOY 


70 


са of national security. Japan could 
ve made a much higher-performance 
lighter. 

PLAYBOY: Do you feel that the ultim: 
son that Japan was asked, or pre 
not to build the FS-X on из own i 
America is deeply afraid of Japan's becom- 
ing a military lorce in its own ? 
ISHIHARA: There is no way that | 
become a military power. There 
The FS-X would allow us to hav 
own strength, that’s all—to do what 
Americans want us to do, share the burden 
of our own defense. But the United States 
found it intolerable that Japan might build 
a better plane. Japan gave in on every 
demand made by the United States. 
PLAYBOY: You have said that Japan no 
longer needs America’s military umbrella, 
nd that our bases in Japan are not there 
for Japans security but for Americas— 
nd so we should pay you rent. Is that 
accurate? 

ISHIHARA: The U.S. strategic bases located 
Japan are larger and more function 
and more important than any other U 
bases in the region as far as global US, 
strategy. The bases in Japan cover from 
one hundred and sixty degrees to the 


the 


n Hawaii, to Capetown in Africa: One 
half of the Southern Hemisphere is being 
n. The importance of 


established under the 
erican security 
е great in terms of the ov arity 
of America. But the ability to cover 
Capetown from hases in Japan has 


of your strategy. 
PLAYBOY: But, in fact, Am 15 military 
agreement with Japan combines the tw 
countries’ defen: 
ISHIHARA: If the 
dropped on Japan, the US. will use the 
bomb to take revenge for Japan. However: 
three H-bombs would destroy Japan. The 
United States could retaliate, but it would 
be too | Japan. The carly-warning 
system in existence covers the North. 
When it comes to 
ations in Europe 
stem doesn't 
work—and these are the countries that are 
closer to the Soviet Union than to the Unit- 
ed States. There is no system that will warn 
of an attack on Japan an enemy 
would be deterred С strike. H the. 
strike were on the U.S. itself, the warning 
system would allow a re 
therefore, the deterrence strategy is far 
stronger. The Japanese people should 
know that the United States cannot, in 
fact, provide for the protection or defense 
ol n. l think that was precisely the re 
son why Mr. De Gaulle chose to have 
France have its own nuclear weapons. 
PLAYBOY: Do you propose that 
develop its own early-warning system and 
nuclear deterrent force? 
ISHIHARA: No, but this is why I do not agree 
with Japans three nonnuclear principles: I 
do not agree that nuclear weapons should 


1 bomb is 


not be brought into our country. 

PLAYBOY: Under what circumstances would 
you have them brought into Japan? 
ISHIHARA: There are occasions when the 
nuclear deterrent power could. be exei 
cised by having the presence of nuclear 
weapons within Japan—circumstances 
under the Japan-US. security tr 
ich states that nuclear weapons m 
in some instances be brought into the 
deterrent, I think it would be 


effective. 

PLAYBOY: Do you still feelthat dete 
important, in spite of all the changes in the 
Soviet Union? 

ISHIHARA: 1 think deterrence's cost and 


rence is 


ıportance will be reduced graduallı 
PLAYBOY: Do vou want Japan eventually to 
have its own bomb so it does not have to 
rely on the United States? 
ISHIHARA: There are other ways to provide 
for our own security. Perhaps Japan can 
control the Soviets’ nuclear policy by con- 
ng supply of the mass-produced 
ad up to four- or five-megabit chips 
Without these chips, the nuclear strategy 
of the world would not be maintained. 

PLAYBOY: The U.S. and Soviets will develop 


“There is no way that Japan 
will become a military 
power. The FS-X would 
allow us to have our own 


strength, that’s all.” 


the technology or find alternative ways to 
build the weapons. 

ISHIHARA: Or they will be more inclined to 
find other solutions. The Soviet Union will 
in no way have the capability to continue 
the nuclear race, И Japan chase to supply 
chips only to the United States, there 
would be no way at all the Soviet Union 
could compete, The Soviet Union's nuclear 
ategy could be constrained. It could end 
head-to-head race forever, 

PLAYBOY: Or, conversely, as you һауе 
implied, il Japan decided to tip the balance 
to the Soviet Union, you could supply chips 
only to the Soviets. 

ISHIHARA: That's impossible. The reality is 
that the U.S. is a partner and not inde- 
pendent of Japan. It is only that the US. 
should not abandon Japan. Џи English] We 
are not your mistress. 

PLAYBOY: In the introduction to Daniel 
Burstein’s book, Yen/, а bleak picture of the 
h Japan keeps 
nd America more de- 
pendent, to Ше point that California 
would be turned into a joint US.— Japan 
economic community. Ir may be ап exag- 
geration, but it reflects a fear, 


th 


Japan? Other countries have substanti 
vestments in America. Americans now 
need а seapegoa ‚ partly 
because we are of 
sider inferior 
PLAYBOY: Many Americans resent Japans 
success because much of it was financed by 
America. Do you agree with that? 
ISHIHARA: I think so and we owe a lot to 
America. But America has to take some 
esponsibility for what Japan is today— 
country without mental independence, 
able to think only of economic prosperity, 
Japan ultimately became exactly what 
America wanted it to be alter the w 


PLAYBOY: Were yo 
American? 
ISHIHARA: Perhaps all the Japanese people 


were in the prewar di 
PLAYBOY: What was your first exposure to 
anything American? 

ISHIHARA: American films that came here 
after the war. And songs on the radio—[in 
English] “Kiss me once and kiss me twice 
and kiss me once again / ИЗ been a long, 
long time." This was a song in the United 
States that depicted the soldier returning 
10 his girlfriend. It was so different from 
the Japanese war song that 1 couldn't help 
but think that was the reason Japan had to 
be defeated. 

PLAYBOY: Because? 

ISHIHARA: Because Japan was so filled with 
sorrow and desperateness that there was 
no room left lor such notion 

PLAYBOY: Was your father involved in the 
war? 

ISHIHARA: My father was drafted. However, 
am executive of a shipping company wa 
valued, so he did not fight. 1 was mobilized 
in a work force to make a shelter around 
the Japanese base а ntil one day, 
when we heard that a very new, powerful 
bomb had been dropped on Hiroshima. 
We were instructed to go home. It was 
quite eerie. 1 remember the feeling. 
PLAYBOY: How did Japan's defe. 
you? 

ISHIHARA: [In English] | couldn't imagine 
what it meant. I was scared. 

PLAYBOY: What happened next? 

ISHIHARA: | had been planning to go to the 
naval academy, but of course, after the war, 
there was по navy. | wanted to paint or 
write. 1 left school for about a year and 
lived in Tokyo, where | painted and а 
tended plays and ope Then my father 
died, so I returned to school. After that, | 
attended the university. At the time, I wa 
told to become a certified public account- 
nt, because that was a business thought 
to be lucrative. | studied hard for that, but 
1 found it quite boring and difficult. 1 de- 
cided to be а film director. I took the ex- 
aion and joined а film company 
called Toho. 
PLAYBOY: Wha 


aflecı 


films did you make? 

ISHIHARA: | directed two movies. I don't 
like to sound as if I sting, but my 
(continued on page 76) 


1960. 


1965. 


1972. 


72 


DAVID LETTERMAN’S 


то Ф: р 


TOP TEN LISTS 


direct from the home office in wichita—the 


BY DAVID LETTERMAN AND THE WRITERS OF LA 


HERE IS a sampling of Тор 
Ten Lists from the Late 
Night with David Letter- 
man television program. 
They are self-contained, 
conveniently numbered 
and require no explana- 
tion whatsoever. 
Nevertheless, journal- 
istic protocol demands 


introductory remarks of 
some kind. Otherwis 
the general reader would 
simply plunge right into 
the lists themselves, be- 


waying himself for what 
he is—which is little bet- 
ter than an animal. 10 


dangerously 
abrupt descent into the 
substance of the article, 


here answering some 
questions that may have 
been troubling you 

First: Why do we do 
‘Top Ten Lists? Well, the 
answer is simple. Because 
The Mr. Black- 
wells and the Helen Gur- 


we can 


ley Browns of this world 
have long offered their 


personal rosters of 


TOP TEN THINGS WE AS 
AMERICANS 
CAN BE PROUD OF 


10. 
Attendance at Liza Minnelli concerts 
still optional 


9. 
Greatest number of citizens who 
actually boarded UFOs 


в. 
Many newspapers feature “Jumble,” 
that scrambled-word game 


га 


Crumbling landmarks torn down—not 
made a big fuss over 


6. 


Hourly motel rates 


5. 


Vast majority of Elvis movies made here 


4. 
Didn’t just give up right away in 
World War Two, like some countries we 
could mention 


3. 
Goatees and Vandykes thought to be 
worn only by weenies 


>. 
Our well-behaved golf professionals 


Fabulous babes coast to coast 


ond-best reason to stay up late 


superlative dressers, 
bachelors and summer- 
time desserts with no real 
credentials ло back up 
their opinions. It is to 
cl- 


this comfortable s 
ard we hold ourselves. 
Second: Why ten? 
Why not five? Or 15? 
Now, you're getting a lit- 
tle fussy, but we'll try to 
answer anyway. The sub 
ject seems barely cov- 


ered by a mere five, 


we're all 


whereas by 15, 
just sick ıo death of the 
whole d 


Third: I own a classic 


n business. 


Jaguar XK-E in mint 
condition. Is there a 
way to install a CD play- 
er without marring the 
beautiful leather dash? 
OK, this question should 
go to the Playboy Advi- 


sor, We don't know how 
it ended up here. 

Finally: Is there any- 
thing special I should 
know that will enhance 
my pleasure as I peruse 

ists? Another easy 


these 


one! No. 


CY FES N ЛЕТЕ 


wae 


TOP TEN COUR 5 FOR 
A LETES AT SMU 
10. Subtraction: Addition’s Tricky Pal. 

9. The First 30 Pages of A Tale of Two Cities: Foun- 
dation of a Classic. 8. Sandwich Making (final proj- 
ect required). 7. Alumni-Owned Hotels, Restaurants 

and Car Dealerships: The Interlocking Economy. 
G. Pre-Law Seminar: Age of Consent in the 50 
States. 5. The Denny’s Menu: Recent Discoveries. 
4. The Bunny and the Wolf: Hand-Shadow Work- 
shop. 3. Draw Winky. 2. From First Love to Looker: 
The Films in Which Susan Dey Appears Naked. 
1. The Poetry of Hank Stram. 


I TE 


* 


TOP INCH LINES TO 
10. SCOT 
Keggerland 10. “It took me а fortnight to get out the thistles.” 
9. “1 didn't know you could also get wool from 
9. them!” B. “Its not a bagpipe, but don’t stop 


Just Plain Volks playing.” 7. “What made you think I was talking 
about golf?” 6. “I've heard of coming through the 
rye, but this is ridiculous." 5. “Of course she's 
served millions—she’s a McDonald.” 4. “Oh, so 
you're Wade Boggs?” Ж. “Care to shake hands with 
the Loch Ness monster?” 2. “Who's burning Ar- 
gyles?” Ш. "She's in the distillery making Johnnie 
Walker red.” 


* 


a. 
Siegfried and Roy 


id= 
Aryan Acres 


6. 
Argentina East 


5. 


TOP TEN REASONS AL SHARPTON 
The Love Shack ET = 5 5 
AND I ARE BE FRIENDS 
4. He gives me a good deal on Lionel 
Nazichusetts Richie tickets. S. call him Reverend and he calls 
me Admiral. Ф. Together we form the best two-man 
3. volleyball team on the East Coast. Z. We’re collabo- 
Switzerland’s Bad-Ass 2 rating on a book of children’s stories. ©. The more 
Neighbor Í he’s in the news, the less attention paid to my messy 
I divorce from Julianne Phillips. 5. Gave me my 
2. i street name, Dave. 4. Has my likeness on his gold 
Home of Das Whopper Í medallion. 3. Usually volunteers to get in trunk 
when we go to the drive-in. 2. Most of the time, nei- 
1. ther of us knows what we're talking about. A. He 
Cindy makes my haircut look good. 
TOP TEN SSIONS T 


REAL 


10. Frosting the pastry. 9. Shooting hoops. 

3. Jumping the turnstyle. 7. Checking your oi . Tethering the blimp. 
5. Sending out for sushi. 4. Picnic on the grass. З. Quarter-pounder at the 
2.Shaking hands with Abraham Lincoln. 

74 1. Windsurfing on Mount Baldy. 


TOP TEN REASONS HU ак 
WILL MAKE A GOOD FA ER 


10. He can warm bottles of formula 
in the hot tub. 9. He could teach child math while 
explaining how his half-sister is older than his 
mother. B. There is no greater authority figure than 
a dad who hangs around all day in a bathrobe. 
7. Jimmy Caan is always available to baby-sit. б.не 
can help make college choice through a Girls of the 
Big Ten pictorial. 5. There are plenty of pipe clean- 
ers around for craft projects. 4. He could ШИ tot to 
“the man from 


sleep with nursery rhyme abou 
Nantucket.” Ф. Не can teach youngster the facts of 
life using nude photos of mom. 2. Hef would make 
the swingingest little-league coach ever. 1. If he 
didn’t care about America’s young people, he 
wouldn’t marry them. 


* 


вита 5 TOP TEN 
AX TIPS 


10. You can deduct the entire piano even if you 
bought it just for the wire. 9. Guys who escape from 
the trunk of your car may be considered business 
losses. В. No matter how much he relies on your 
business, a funeral director does not count as a de- 
pendent. 7. Another write-off: long-distance calls to 
Pete Rose. ©. You must actually kill somcone in 
your home for it to qualify as “place of business.” 
5. Three simple words to the auditor: “How’s your 
family?” 4. For a vacation to count as a business 

trip, return with 100 pounds of heroin 

3. Smart 

medical expenses than they thought. 2. When re- 

porting income, be plausible. No pizzeria in the 

world takes in three billion dollars a day. 1. What 
H&R Block can’t do, cement blocks can. 


-guy talk-show hosts may end up with more 


TOP TEN сом 
ILLUSTR. 
SWIMS MODELS 


ТО. Skimpy outfits reveal biker tattoos. 
Ф. Ever since Paulina Porizkova started dating Ric 


Ocasek, goofy-looking guys actually think they have 
a shot with us. 88. Knowing your photo is being used 
as currency in prison. 7. Exxon tankers. 6. Going 
on sleazy late-night talk shows where the band lead- 
er msy pass 5. The 1987 Arctic 
Circle shoot. 4. Having to pay cash before pumping 


akes a cl 


at you. 


your own gas. 3. People who mistake your sun- 
protection factor for your 1.Q. 2. Creepy feeling 
that somewhere Jimmy Swaggart is sitting alone 
looking at a picture of you. Ë. That damn sand 
gets in everything. 


UNPLEASANT 

INGS TO HEAR 

ON AN ELEVATOR 
10. 


““Does this look infected 
to you?” 


9. 
“Do you know these 
pants are reversible?” 


з. 
“Hold the door! 
Willard's coming!” 


The acoustics in this cl- 
evator are perfect for 
yodeling." 


6. 
Sorry about my finger. I 
was aiming for a button.” 


5. 
“Would you do a number 
! for us, Miss Channing?” 


а. 
“We’re both going to the 
fourteenth floor. How 
about a hug?” 


“Pm not just а Jehovah’s 
Witness—I also sell 
insurance.” 


“Does this smell like 
root beer to you?” 


1. 
“Just ignore Duke. We're 
going to have him fixed.” 


75 


PLAYBOY 


SHINTARO ISHIHARA 


(continued from page 70) 


“It is American workers, not Japanese workers, 
who are beginning to feel they work like dogs.” 


younger brother was a movie star and the 
first movie that he starred in was based 
on my novel; I wrote the script. The 
movie was so good that Francois Truffaut 
later said that he got some hints for his 
segment in the movie Love al Twenty 
from my film. I also directed a segment 
of Love at Twenty; it was highly evaluated 
and is still shown. But I wrote another 
novel that did very well, and 1 stopped 
making films. ІГІ had remained a movie 
rector, 1 can assure you that I would 
г become a better one than 
Akira Kurosawa. 

PLAYBOY: You don't like Kurosawa? 
ISHIHARA: He is not considered so high- 
brow in Japan as he is in Europe and 
America. I could make a better film. 


PLAYBOY: How did you get into politics? 


ISHIHARA: As a special correspondent fc 
a Japanese newspaper, I went to cover the 
war in Vietnam. If 1 hadn't gone, I 
wouldn't have become а politician, 1 felt 
quite a bit of stimulus upon coming home 
to go into politics. I ran for the seat in the 
house of—upper house—how to trans- 
late? The national constituency. 
PLAYBOY: Some of the shock over your 
most recent book is that few Japanes 
people have spoken out as you have. Why 
has it taken until now for 
er to speak out in this way? 
ISHIHARA: [In English] Because lm alie 
n Japan. [Laughs] See, to talk straigh 
Japan is a vice, not a virtue. If you have 
too much heated discussion, a Fri 
might collapse 

In Japan, individualism is 
able characteristic, а vice. However, 1 
ink recently, finally, the values are be- 
ginning to change. I think that Japanese 
people feel it's time to say what they 
think. 
PLAYBOY: In America, you've been called 
the Japanese Jesse Helms. 
ISHIHARA: The Japanese Jesse Jame: 
Hmmmm. 
PLAYBOY: Sorry, no. Jesse Helms. 
ISHIHARA: Гус never met him. I've met 
Mr. Gephardt. Somebody said that Fm a 


Japanese Gephardt. 
PLAYBOY: You prefer that? 
ISHIHARA: 1 dont mind that. Mr. 


sephard looks like Steve McQueen. 
PLAYBOY: The point about Helms 

he's right wing and an ех 
ISHIHARA: | believe I ат а rat 
politician 
PLAYBOY: Some Japanese people ar 
barrassed by your strong stands. 

ISHIHARA: Well, obviously, someone wants 
to hear what I'm saying. We just sold our 


millionth copy of the book. I think that 
most of the Japanese people feel uneasy 
about U.S.- Japan relations. Japan's geog- 
raphy gave us the view that there was one 
world called Japan and another world 
outside it. The concept was of parallel 
worlds rather than one shared globe. My 
family was brought up very traditionally 
Japanese. We were taught that the em- 
peror was а god. 1 thought it was quite 
foolish, but, because my father would 
scold me if I didn't, when the train that I 
s riding would pass the Imperi: 
ds, I bowed. Most of Japan 
still lived in another time. But the world 
is changing. It is becoming smaller and 
the outside world is influencing Ja 
50 many ways. Japan must change its 
world view. As the influential power of 
Japan is rising, it is quite important th: 
the Japanese people have a broade: 
PLAYBOY: There are many reports tha 
Japanese people, especially young p 
ple, are dissatisfied with the new 
well. Lee lacocca says the Japanese peo- 
ork like dogs. 

Nonsense. It is quite the oppo- 
site of that. The American workers may 
feel that they are working like dogs, 
because they are easily laid off when the 
situation turns bad; managers such a 
Mr. lacocca earn exorbitant amounts of 
money and the gap between rich and 
poor is widening: looks 
down upon the work 
to some lower 


like dogs. Lech Walesa came to Japan. He 
^d a Japanese factory and said that it 
was the most ideal workplace he had ever 
seen. He specifically talked about the 
labor-management relationship he saw 
He said that in a sense, Japan is the most 
advanced socialist country in the world. I 
agree with th id it before. 
PLAYBOY: One of America’s perceptions 
about Japan is that the price for all the 
ст the imdivklual—Japans 
е robots. Do vou agree? 
ISHIHARA: [t is not so at all. In our cul- 
ture, names are given to the robots. The 
vital points have not been Westernized at 
all. Inthe West, people would avoid work 
if they could. But Japanese people find 
virtue in working. Aristocrats in Europe 
take pride in playing and not working. 
The aristocrats look down upon the 
workers; at the same time, workers resent 
the aristocrats. In Japan, this does поі 
ч. We look down upon people if they 
dont work hard. The emperor stands 


at the top of the monarchy or the 
aristocracy, but even he works. There 
is a myth in Japan that the goddess of the 
sun used her loom and wove her own 
clothes. Emperor Hirohito worked as a 
marine biologist. 

PLAYBOY: Are you concerned that materi- 
alism could take the place of Japan: 
spiritual core? 

ISHIHARA: E don't think so. For example, 
Japanese people have a strong sense of 
season and a strong reaction to nature. 
There nse of finding a higher value 
that transcends materialism. That h 
changed 

PLAYBOY: But do ум 


acknowledge that 
hic has been empha- 
ng family struc- 
ely see the 


sized at the price of a 
ture? Japanese m 
and children 

ISHIHARA: It is nothing new—it was the 
same in the past. People get promotion 
within the company by working very 
hard and being very committed. It may 
be a peculiar philosophy, but in Japa 
men have always had great pride about 
working, The family is the same 
always been. What Lam worri 
° the urban housewives; they have be- 
come so used to living luxuriously and 
their attitudes toward their husbands 
nd children are very egotistical. 
е worse than the American n 


wives 


class. 
PLAYBOY: There are reports about a new 


attitude of Japanese women—ıhey arc 
less tolerant of the tradi double 
standard. It seems like the germ of a 
women's movement, 

ISHIHARA: But a bigger problem I sec i 
housewives who dont look after their 
children. They cook something eas 
the microwave, They play tenn 
long 

PLAYBOY: Do you support the incredible 


el in cram schools, 
ne to be kids? 
have come to 
age the f 
This syst 
was developed in order to create specific 
kinds of people who were needed for the 
process of modernization: bureaucrats, 
engineers, social engineers such as doc- 
tors, teachers, public accountants, atior- 
neys, as well as soldiers. We became very 
good at producing these. These people 
did not need to be educated at being dif- 
ferent from one another. They didni 
have to stand out from others—in fact, it 
was not good for them to stand out 
PLAYBOY: And now what would you have 
Japanese education do? 
ISHIHARA: Return to greater emphasis on 
dividualism, and not only in schools. 
The education and training systems have 
to be changed so that individualistic 
tiatives are tolerated. Now, instead 
(concluded on page 84) 


the pressure to es 
with hardly any 
ISHIHAR, 
when we re 


ly 1 


“Stop! Please, I need a jump start!” 


GLADIATOR 


ARISA PART 


the high-velocity star of crash tv 


DONT Ler the lush cur 
nd tempting curves fool 
you. Marisa Pare is no soft 


touch, She plays Lace— 
one of the warrior cast 
that kicks 
huns on the hit TV show 
Gladiators. Mt 


she gunned down yet 


contestants’ 


American 


other foe in the Assault 
lad- 


event, in which the 
€ an air cannon at 
hapless victims, host Mike 


iators 


Adamle asked Marisa how 
she kept track of her wins 


She baued her eyelashes 


and said, “1 make notches 


on my lipstick case." This 


is not a woman to take 


lightly, Think of Lace as 


the latest 


a long line 


arisa says she likes run- 


ning and gunning as Lace 
but wants to show off her 
subtler talents. He 


voice 


се have 


and potent prese 
talent scouts hoping she'll 
work as a 
Her 
nascent carcers on screen 
and in music—she has 
red on Mike 
and fronted an 


resume her 
nd actress 


singer 


guest-st 
Hammer 


ıd. Ivy League 


the Climber 


s—were 
derailed by а 1986 mar- 
riage to actor Michael 
„ who didn't want an- 
іп the 


as were re- 


Says Marisa 


ally archaic, 


of her ex, who gained film 


fame as Eddie in Eddie and 


the Cruisers. “He wanted a 


of pop hellcats: Alexis 
Carrington with. blazing 
speed, Breathless Maho- 


ney with biceps. And think 
of Marisa Paré as some- 


actress 


thing more—an 
with the physical skills to 
play Lace to the hilt, plus 


the wit to enjoy herself while using Gladiators as a spring- 


board to more challenging roles. “The show is a great way to 
s. “Ies fun, zany theatrics, but the 
physical stuff is real.” She has the bruises to prove it. In a 


blow off steam.” she si 


year of gladiating. she has tor 


ligaments 


her right hand, 
d two concussions. Calling 


straine tor cuff and sulle 


the show "an i 


teresting interpretation of physical power,” 


On TV's American Gladiatars, Marisa (standing under the D) plays 
Lace, the baddest femme wha ever tackled а fae. An ех-дутпові and 
weight lifter, she loves the sometimes-dangerous combat she endures 
as a member of the cast. "It's great far blowing af steam,” Marisa 
says, “but if you're nat careful, you con get your head knacked aff.” 


piece of flesh who stayed 
"Ma 
an interior designer—she 
did Bruce Willis’ Malibu 
home in “neo-Sant 


hom 


isa worked as 


style- l she and Mi- 


chael divorced last year, Now Gladiators has brought a slew 


of new offers. A Los Angeles music executive wants her to 


record a few songs. She has done 


TV—more may be in the offing. “Гуе been luck 


few broadcasting gigs on 
7 says 
You'll 


ol those 


| doors for me. 


Marisa. "Gladiators has opened a lot 
from her as she 


bel es through o 


ng mor 


doors—if she can avoid. another Gladiatorial concussion. 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY ARNY FREYTAG 


78 


< 


Mariso's specialty on American Gladiators is gunning down opponents with an air cannon in the Assault competition (above lef). Almost 
os fierce is her tackling in the Powerball event [above right). On the facing page and below, she shows that a gladiator con also play 
temptress. Moriso's famous surname recalls a failed marriage to Michael Poré—knawn to movie fans as the stor af Eddie and the Cruis- 
ers. In o cinema lobby not long ago, she saw o workman setting up a life-size cardboard cutout of Michael. "How'd you like to take him 
home?” said the mon. "No thanks,” said Moriso. "I already did.” These days, the sexiest gladiator in America is doing fine on her own. 


PLAYBOY 


Ba 


SHINTARO ISHIHARA (continued from page 76) 


“We need a frank dialog. Frank dialogs are the real 
imbalance between Japan and the United States.” 


of encouraging 5 5, 
fail-safe attitudes аге encouraged. If 
someone tries something new and fails 
once, there is no tolerance of that and по 
chance to make another mistake. The 
people with the best ideas go abroad and 
do fantastic work. We must be able to 
merge this kind of creative, individual 
thinking into our culture. 
PLAYBOY: What arc y 
anticipate that you will 
prime minister of Japan? 
ISHIHARA: If I can get enough support 
PLAYBOY: Are you ultimately 100 individu- 
alistic to do so? 
ISHIHARA: | don't think so. The public 
Japan supports me. They want me in 
office. However, if 1 have to compromise 
myself in order to become a political 
leader, then 1 will be better off not to 
become one. I would prefer to rem: 
strong individual 
PLAYBOY: In your book, you 
y many nations these da 
son [other] than i th. Money 
mportant, but ny v 
able assets.” What can Japan contribute 
to the world? 
ISHIHARA: Japan can teach what we have 
learned to do well: our capabi 
managers, as manufacturers, 
have a great financing capability. Jap: 
leadership can help establish new kinds 
of infrastructure in countries that need 
aid. It is not only dollars that are impor 
tant. Another example is the relationship 
between workers and the machine. Japan 
is the largest user of industrial robots, yet 
the attitude is not th bots and tech- 
nology are taking away jobs or dehuman- 
ng workers. They Пее workers to do 
more complex tasks. Those who are in 
charge of specific robots paste photo- 
graphs of their favorite movie actors or 
singers on the па call the machines by 
those names. A sense of communication 
ied between the workers and 
e 
workers are much more adept at identify- 
ing machine failures as soon as possible 
For another example, in the case of hu- 
man-to-human relationships, the rank- 
Фе workers and their management 
are on an equal footing. ИЗ not rare for a 
president of a company to visit the job 
floor or the factory and spend time with 
workers and listen to what they have to 
which I know rarely happens in West- 


s? Do you 
un again for 


pl 


pan has m 


jes 


s 


We also 


America should 


acknowledge Japan's place, but in fact, it 
seems 1 America already does— 
which is part of the problem. Americans 
ome ways are feeling defeated, There 
pervasive opinion that Japan is un- 
stoppable and that ness 
has had 
ISHIHARA: [ think that quite 
wrong. The largest forces—the dynamo 
that moves civilization—are ideas and in- 
spiration. These ideas cannot be gauged 
by a yardstick. ‘The numbers don't show 
и. but the capability to come up with 
good ideas that move civilization forward 
resides with the American people, in my 
view. Managers and politicians in the 
United States fail to extract that poten- 
tial 

PLAYBOY: What is an example? 

ISHIHARA: Young people everywhere en- 
joy skate boarding and windsurfing, The 
skate board is the combination of the 
skate and the surfboard. Windsurfing 
combines surfing and sailing. It seems 
that combining two ideas like that is sim- 
ple—anyone could have come up with 
those inventions—but that is not the case. 
They are unique and intriguing ideas 
that only American people could have 
thought of. Such a sense of inspiration 
once е urope, but not any 
longer, and it does not exist in Japan. 
PLAYBOY: Why do you think that it is an 
American and not a J ability to 
create an idea such as a skate board? 
ISHIHARA: Part of it is the existence of so 
many races in one country. It is part of 
America's Cons ion that there should 
be no constraints on. people's thi 
That means that they are free to i 
whatever they want. That freedom is wh 
they come up with new things. TI 
so why they can be 
PLAYBOY: Yet, in economic terms, ide: 
are only as good as the ability to u 
them. Japan routinely takes Ame 
ide ud better 
more efliciently 


view ds 


сазоп we 
ad 


should work together 
of against each other as adversaries. 
my succeeded in using the transistor, 
an American invention, to make a small, 
adio. Japan has the technology 
se buildings with high 
ассиг aser-beam measurement 
and land-surveying technology devel- 
oped by US. s 
method of measuring the d 
tween the earth and роп outer 
. Japan, too, succeeded in incorpo- 
ng that technology into a tool so that 


now we can build high-rises one hundred 
and twenty meters high, with an error of 
just two to three millimeters. Instead of 
institutionalized competition, we would 
be better institutionalizing partnerships. 
First you must acknowledge what we can 
contribute and treat us as equals. 
PLAYBOY: Are you saying that the U.S. will 
continue to make the technological 
breakthroughs, but Japan will make the 
profits? 

ISHIHARA: No. The US. should work to be 
better manufacturers, t00—to utilize the 
ideas themselves, to make better. prod- 
ucts. But if not that, и could be struc 
1 that American 
would get royalties for designs that 
Japanese companies manufacture. T 
is how we can be partners 

PLAYBOY: Some people merica feel 
that it is not partnership you are after. 
Your book has been referred to as Death 
to America. 

ISHIHARA: Tha s a little hysterical, no? 
We're talking about a wife saying no once 
n a while, That's not going to kill any- 
one. Presently, Japan is increasing her di- 
rect investment in the United States. But 
Japanese companies dont necessarily 
change managers from American to 
Japanese. Japan can participate in the 
management of U.S. corporations in the 
United States and, conversely, the 5 
can participate in the management of 
Japanese companies here. 

PLAYBOY: What now is your hope for 
your book as you prepare to publish an 
authorized translation? What effect will 
и have? 

ISHIHARA: I hope for a better understand- 
ng of the differences between Japan and 
the United States. I genuinely hope that 
we can have fruitful discussions based on 
deeper mutual understanding. We need 
a frank dialog. m trying my best to get 
Japanese people to pick up the habit of 
saying things frankly. Frank dialogs are 
the real imbalance between Japan and 
the United States. 


4 зо 


companies 


true, what will 
to understand that 
Japan's saying no is not threatening? 

ISHIHARA: lo recognize the existence, the 
very existence of your counterpart is the 
first step. If somebody is saying no, t is a 
very clear пи с. H you feel that is 
threatening, it comes from prejudice or 
at least misconception, Saving по is nor a 
threat. It is standing up and asking for 
respect. The world is becoming smaller 
and а new civilization is emerging. Hu- 
sory perceptions—how can Г put thisz— 
mistaken values have to be weeded out. 
The pitting of race against race has lo be 
weeded out completely. White people 
have to become aware of this absurd no- 
tion they have. When they grasp it con- 
seiousty, they can discard it consciou: 


— — алы 


| 


| ‘SHOP TIL You DROP 
| ^ V.LLENIN 1990 


— Ñ ss 


FALL AND 
WINTER 
FASHION 
FORECAST 


а guide to what's hot for the cold months ahead 


fashion 
By HOLLIS WAYNE 


JUST ABOUT EVERYTHING in this fall and 
winter's fashion scene is down to earth 
except the prices. Colors are the 
shades of early autumn—warm browns 
and rich golds. The cut of suits, sports 
coats, pants and outerwear is informal, 
with sloping shoulders and loose dou- 
ble- and triple-pleated pants. Double- 
breasted suits and single-button sports 
jackets are the way to go, especially if 
you're tall. Try one with a denim 
spread-collar shirt for a casual country- 


squire look. When the weather starts to 


Left: Wool overcoat, $1200, striped single- 
breasted suit, $1100, silk tie, $65, all by 
Cerruti 1881; dress shirt, by Verri, $210; 
cashmere scarf, by Loro Piana for David 
Glazer, about $410; and grosgrain-banded 
fur-felt fedora, by Boliman Hats, 555. Right: 
Wool single-breasted overcoat, about $600, 
wool double-breasted glen-plaid suit, about 
$625, denim shirt, about $120, and silk tie, 
about $60, all by Hugo Boss; plus silk pock- 
el square, by Salvatore Ferragamo, $48. 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY BETH BISCHOFF 


88 


Above, top to bottom: Deerskin ankle boot with cap toe, by Andrea Getty for Jandreani, $238; suede ankle boot, 
by To Boot New York, $215; suede/polished-leather ankle boot with perforated detailing, from Aldo Brue by 
Nancy Knox, about $325; and suede monk-strap ankle boot, by Charles Jourdan Monsieur, $250. Right: Wool 
three-quarter-length double-breasted coat with hood, by Verri, $850; oversized houndstooth lamb's-wool 
sports coat with one-button front and ventless back, 5700, viscose/wool sport shirt, $250, wide-wale corduroy 
trousers, $250, all by MW Moss; wool tie, from Perry Ellis by Manhattan Menswear Group, $58.50; croco- 
dile belt with brass buckle, by Peter Barton, $128; and wool tweed newsboy cap, by Worth & Worth, $40. 


JAMES IMBROGNO 


Above, clockwise from 12: Silk cupid-print scarf with hand-tied fringe and Jacquard ground, by Audrey Buck- 
ner, about $225; Italian silk feather-print scarf with hand-knotted fringe ends, by Peter Elliot, $235; reversible 
silk-and-lamb's-wool scarf, by Anne Klein Men, $150; cashmere paisley-print scarf with solid back, by Loro 
Piana for David Glazer, $375; leather gloves with snap wrist strap, by Peter Barton, $147; and another pair 
with alligator trim, from De Vecchi by Hamilton Hodge, $550. Right: Button-front suede quilted shirt jack- 
et with wool-plaid lining, by La Matta, about $1375; wool rib-knit mock turtleneck, $375, and wool pants, 
about $320, both by Dolce & Gabbana; and leather belt with antique brass buckle, by Peter Barton, about $50. 


JAMES меповко 


get brisk, the next best thing to a wom- 
an's arms wrapped around your neck 
is a scarf in luxurious cashmere, silk or 
lamb's wool. Paisley and floral prints 
are particularly stylish this fall, as are 
scarves designed with hand-tied fringe. 
But if you're after the real thing, over 
coats in plush fabrics have a built-in 
bonus—not only are they warm but 
women can't keep their hands off 
them. Longer leather car coats and 
wool stadium coats look sharp over 
tweedy sports jackets and mock-turtle- 
neck sweaters. Quilted suedes have 


booted the black-leather motorcycle 


jacket out of town. And soft polished- 


leather and suede ankle boots are 
shoo-in styles to check out. For infor- 
mation on what's happening under 
your Adam's apple, see our tie Style 
Meter on page 22. To top it all off, the 
classic fedora and newsboy cap are 
back, as noted in Playboy on the Scene on 
page 181—and, yes, the fedora is avail- 


able in colors besides Dick Tracy yellow. 


Left: Lamb nubuck knee-length coat, about 
$1000, plaid sports coat, about $475, cotton 
mock-turtleneck top, $95, all by Andrew 
Fezza; wool pants, by Cerruti 1881, $225; 
cobbler's calf-leather belt, from Joseph Ab- 
boud by CrookhornDavis, $65. Right: Wool 
herringbone overcoat, $1100, double- 
breasted wool suit, $995, striped dress 
shirt, $160, all by Vestimen! ilk tie, by 
Audrey Buckner, about $80; and fur-felt 
fedora, by Makins Hats, Ltd., about $125. 


Where & How to 
Buy on page 180. 


fiction 


By DANIEL MUELLER 


University of Virginia 


THE NIGHT MY BROTHER 
WORKED THE HEADER 


carl stood above us, running the salmon 
saw—and heard all the wrong things 


Last pay of the salmon season, Old Windell gave а 
knife to Larry Olseth and put him on the butcher line 
next to me. “Be nice to him, Agnes,” Windell said. 
The salmon dropped every three and a half seconds 
from the stainless-steel header and crowded through 
the open gate as if still alive. They plopped onto the 
belt headless, one to a slot. We kept up pretty well. 
Uma-san and Saka-san, the Japanese butchers, slit the 
bellies, throats and bloodlines. I separated the egg 
sacs from the guts and dropped them down the metal 
chute to the egg house. The sacs toppled into the flow 
like lopped-off pairs of orange fingers and disap- 
peared around the first bend in the rickety converted 
rain gutter. Windell winked at me. 

“OK, Agnes?" he said. 

“OK,” I answered. 

“Аа-а!” sang Paolo, the big Filipino slimer at the end 
ofthe belt 

“Аа-о!” sang Dung-Dong, the old Vietnamese scrap- 
er two positions down. 

On the butcher line, that's how we talked, a sung 
language. But as soon as Larry Olseth started 
butchering fish, the singing stopped. He stood on the 
line between Uma-san and me, as tall and awkward as 
an ostrich. His thin wrists stuck out from his sleeves 
like bare bones. His blond, feathery-haired head stuck 
up a foot above everybody else's, on a neck as thin and 


ILLUSTRATIONS BY JOHN PATRICK (RIGHT) ANO REBECCA 


96 


gristly as boat line. Не was cute 
enough, but he'd never butchered 
salmon before. Uma-san let him try ev- 
ery sixth fish, and believe me, it wasn’t 
pretty. He gouged stomachs open and 
ripped into meat. He wrecked egg sacs 
without blinking an eye. When he told 
me he loved me, I nearly took his knife 
and slit his throat. 

We were processing grade-A sockeye 
salmon, the only fish that came to our 


cannery and freezing plant that were 
anywhere near good enough to vacu- 
um-pack in cellophane and sell to the 
Japanese. Most of the fish we got were 
soft, smelly chum salmon, silver salm- 
on bloated with gas, humpy salmon 
falling off the bone and covered with 
growths. Sometimes we got king 
salmon as large as men; they smelled 
worse by far than any other fish, on ас- 
count of the extra meat. But the 
salmon on the belt that morning were 
fine, marvelous fish that shimmered 
under the overhead lights. Were it not 
for the blood that drained from their 
necks and bellies, they might've passed 
for fish brooches inlaid with turquoise 
and quartz, like those worn by women 
east of here, in places like Wrangell 
and Ketchikan. 

So we handled them with care. No 
one wanted to bruise a freezer fish. 
Old Windell had told us at breakfast he 
would be counting the number of fish 
Ido-san, the Japanese grader, tossed 
into the plastic tote marked CANNERY. 
We had to be careful, he said, if we 
wanted our jobs back next season. 


ILLUSTRATION CONTEST WINNERS 


Students at the Art Academy af Cincinnati, under the direction of Roy R. Behrens, prafes- 


sor of commurication design, entered their work in o competition for illustrotor of our 


winning College Fiction Contest story. First-ploce winner is John Patrick (overleaf); sec- 
ond-place winner is Rebecca Lovell (overleaf, spot illustrotion). Runners-up (clockwise 
from top) are Jo Ellen McElwee, Bill Shannon, Steve Weinstein, Neil Smith, Rob Jefferson. 


Every fish that went to the cannery 
troughs, through the washers, fin 
shredders and rotary mincers, every 
fish that got stuffed into a can, sent 
down the chinks over the weights and 
scales, down the long greased rail into 
the 500-gallon pressurized steam cook- 
er, meant a loss for the company. Add it 
up, he told us. Weigh it against the cost 
of labor. Anybody here think he’s inex- 
pendable? 

“I said I love you, Agnes.” Larry 
Olseth had blue eyes that could turn a 
person to stone. 

“I heard you," I said. 

"There was a window on the butcher 
line. It was huge and without glass. 
During the winter, you could look 
through it to the sea, but in salmon 
season, it was blocked by two stainless- 
steel crab cookers, one stacked on top 
of the other. The morning Larry 
Olseth started butchering, a beam 
passed over the top of them and made 
a rectangle of light on the belt between 
him and me. The salmon moved into it 
and became flames I wanted to touch, 
not through gloves with cotton liners 
but with bare hands. But I'd handled 
enough fish to know how cold and wet 
they were. Fingering the rough skin 
would only have wrecked the illusion. 
To me, the salmon looked foil- 
wrapped, as beautiful as the chocolate 
Christmas fish the outpost store in 
Ahkiok received each year in time for 
Lent. 

“Leave with me tomorrow on the 
plane,” Larry Olseth said. I knew, 
without having to look up, that he was 
making himself look more pitiful than 
any dog in our village. 

I was glad Carl was out of earshot. 1 
didn't want my brother, the butcher- 
line foreman, thinking anything funny 
was going on. Five feet above the rest 
of us, on a platform made out of pine 
boards and reinforced metal, he oper- 
ated the salmon header, a circular saw 
for taking the heads off fish. From 
where I stood on the line, I could see 
him out of the corner of my eye, in yel- 
low rain pants and brown plaid shirt, 
his braid coiled snakelike in the hair 
net outside his collar, his thumbs 
hooked in the gills оҒа sockeye salmon. 
His job was to clamp the fish into the 
six spring-loaded adjustable collars on 
the crown of the header and make sure 
none of them fell off before hitting 
the 16-inch circular blade. Loaded 
with salmon, the header looked like 
one of those merry-go-rounds at the 
fair, the kind with swings, only when 
the fish got three quarters of the way 
around, they dropped like sausage 
links onto a tray table and their heads 
tumbled down a wooden slide into a 
4x4 plastic tote. 

(continued on page 170) 


DS 
Af 


N 5 2 = 
| DNS SS ASS 
ШИТ Ë = 7 GER I 
эб ү = 


(ONL ERES EVEN QU ESSE 


“See you later, dear... . Bowling might. . . .” 


of the current саг 
limpse of hot wheels, 
to come 


"article By KEN GROSS 


HIS IS FOR serious саг 
lovers. In the first of a 
scrics of quarterly insider 
automotive reports, we'll 
look under the hood of 
the auto industry, bring- 
ing you up to speed on 
the latest introductions, 
the newest developments 
and the fastest-breaking 
trends. We'll drive the 
hottest new cars and tell you what to 
look for in showrooms packed with 
new ideas. At no other time in its histo- 
ry has the car business tried so hard to 
be on the fast track. On your mark, get 
aet. 

The news for 1991 is sexy sports 
coupes, hot sedans, spirited roadsters 
and even souped-up four-wheelers. 
Тһе challenge is choosing among the 
700-plus models in America's show- 
rooms. This array of machines—cou- 
pled with a shrinking number of 
buyers—has created a nightmare for 
car makers. You've seen the newspaper 
ads packed with discount and rebate 
offers. Television spots echo the bar- 
gain-basement theme. As unsold cars 
moldered on dealers' lots this year, 
frantic manufacturers spent billions on 
desperate price-off promotions. 

But while the majority of new car 
models languished, several, including 
Mazda's Miata, Toyota's MR2 and Nis- 
san's 300ZX, sold well. Another winner 
was the ever-improving Honda Ac- 
cord, which edged out Ford's Taurus 
as the best-selling car in America. Since 
many Accords are built in Honda's 
Marysville, Ohio, plant, largely out of 
domestic components, the 1990 Accord 
should put to rest the myth that Amer- 
icans can't build terrific cars. Honda 
has even begun exporting Accord 
coupes back to Japan—and expects to 
ship U.S.-built cars to Europe soon. 

Despite tax-law changes that made 
leasing luxury cars less desirable, busi- 
ness boomed at the high end of the 
market. The all-new Lincoln Town 
Car, the Lexus LS 400 sedan and the 
Mercedes-Benz 300SL/500SL road- 
sters sold well. Lincoln's progress was 
predictable: While Cadillacs manage- 
ment focused on reviving the Wur- 
litzerlike qualities that made Caddy 
famous in the Fifties—longer, lower, 
wider and plusher—canny Lincoln 
tore a page out of the Mercedes and 
BMW textbooks and built a more so- 
phisticated Continental, along with an 
aerodynamic Town Car that neatly com- 
bines American and European styling. 

Essentially, Lincoln took a look at the 
market place and found a way to ap- 
peal to younger Americans who want 
to root for the home team but still de- 
mand a state-of-the-art ride, contem- 
porary good looks and top quality at a 


ILLUSTRATION BY DAVE САЕН 


fair price. In the process, it has edged 
ahead of Cadillac. Cadillac has a V8- 
powered rear-wheel-drive Eurosedan 
in the works, but it's years away. С.М. 
waited too long once again; we say Lin- 
coln will set the luxury pace for Ameri- 
can cars in the Nineties. 

Everyone knows that red-hot sellers 
play to packed showrooms. So all a car 
company has to do to reverse stalled 
sales is bring ош a best seller, right? 
Unfortunately, brand-new cars aren't 
designed overnight. The process takes 
about four to five years from drawing 
board to dealership; many top name 
plates have gone six to eight years be- 
tween model revisions. Thats now 
changing. Goaded by innovative 
Japanese competitors, American and 
European car makers are accelerating 
their development timetables. And just 
like record companies, they're all dy- 
ing for a hit. Here are some potential 
chart busters for 1991 (and 1992). 


HOT NEWCOMERS 


Chrysler's low, mean-looking V10 
Viper roadster resembles a Ford Cobra 
оп steroids. Look for it in early 1992. 
Meanwhile, Chrysler now owns Lam- 
borghini. The Lamborghini Coun- 
tach’s successor the гасу new 
200-mile-per-hour Diablo, will take 
pressure off Lee lacocca's slow-selling 
K-car fleet—suggesting that the flashy 
Italian supercar's halo rubs off on ev- 
erything you can buy from the Dodge 


ys. 

Ford has dipped down under to its 
Australian subsidiary for the Mercury 
Capri—a Miata fighter largely based 
on Mazda's 323 mechanicals (just like 
the MX-5). While it’s not as hard- 


Lambor- 
ghini's rag- 
ing bull of a 
machine, the 
12-cylinder, 
mid-engine 
Diabla, hits 
60 mph in 
4.1 secands, 
tops out at - 
aver 200 8 
and has a 
devil of a 
price—abaut 
$200,000. 


edged a sports car as the Miata, the 
Capri’s a delightful topless ride for a 
sunny day. With their German-built 
Mercury Merkurs and Scorpios discon- 
tinued due to anemic sales, embatled 
Lincoln-Mercury dealers are beting 
that the Aussie roadster will please 
younger buyers. 


Chevrolet's Corvette went upmarket 
іп 1984 with a fresh body design and a 
stand-back price tag. For 1991, a four- 
сат, 375-basic-horsepower V8 de- 
signed by Lotus and built by Mercury 
Marine continues to be Chevy's prime 
showroom attraction. For a while, de- 
mand for the muscular ZR-1 even sent 
the car's price roaring past its original 
$58,995 sticker. Still, at less than half 
the cost of a new Ferrari 348ts, the 
ZR-1 offers world-class performance 
in a model that's destined to become a 
collectible. 

BMW's new 850i luxury sports 
coupe is a high-tech Wundercar with a 
silky V12 engine, great handling— 
thanks to a new multilink integral rear 
axle—a six-speed gearbox and even a 
built-in cellular phone. Priced about 
$75,000, the 155-mph 850i may be the 
last word in grand-touring luxury for 
two adults (and two rear-seat Munch- 
kins). BMW is importing only 1000 
8501's for 1991—and they're all pre- 
sold. 

By the time you read this, the Lotus 
Elan front-wheel-drive roadster should 
be on the road. Its turbocharged, twin- 
cam Isuzu motor and sophisticated 
handling package earned rave reviews 
іп the British automotive press. It 
should be priced at about $38,000. 
Another Isuzu-powered product is— 
guess what?—Isuzu’s newest Impulse, 
with Lotus-tuned suspension and basi- 
cally the same motor that's in the Elan. 
Priced at a reasonable $12,000 or so, 
the Impulse XS sports coupe is an in- 
teresting sleeper in the hotly contested 
small-car market. 

Acura's engineers have created a 
dazzler—the mid-engined NSX. А 


slick-looking machine powered by a 
three-liter, 270-bhp V6 with variable 
valve timing, it handles beautifully. 
Look for Lexus to follow with a 185- 
mph, 40-valve, V8-powered sports 
coupe, probably in mid-1992. 

The Chrysler/Mitsubishi partner- 
ship that (continued on page 161) 


99 


pinpon i N 2. 
En 
only 8 


ДА Lenz pse 


балд 


PLAYBOY PROFILE 


BUSTER DOUGLAS’ TOUGHEST 
CHALLENGE IS TO KEEP HIS DIGNITY 
IN A DON KING WORLD 


There are no second acts in 
American lives. 


—F. SCOTT FITZGERALD 


THE GUY probably didn't 

know any fighters; hell, TH IS 
some of them have made a 

lot of dough on second 

acts. Some have even made С O RN E R 
a science of it. Muhammad 

Ali, Alexis Arguello and, 

most recentiy, George Foreman all tampered with the clock 
to wring a few more bucks from man’s cruelest sport. Why the 
hell not? There hasn't been anything new in boxing since 
Mike Tyson bludgeoned his way to the top. Through 37 mostly 
inferior—some downright laughable—tin cans, he became the 
world’s ruling heavyweight. He also became a walking domestic 
disturbance. 


y 


ААЛА 


(% 


Then came reports from Tyson's training camp that the lowly 
Greg Page had knocked the champ on his ass in a sparring ses- 
sion. Tyson used to pride himself on spending sparring partners 
like quarters; for his $1500 a week, the average sparring partner 
could usually expect several trips to the canvas and maybe a ride 
in an ambulance. Still, the press took it lightly, mumbling some 
la-la about slipping or Page's landing something flush. 

A week before Tyson's knockdown, a different thing shook the 
life of another fighter: Lula Pearl Douglas died of a stroke іп 
Columbus, Ohio. Twenty-three days later, her son James be- 
came heavyweight champion of the world. 

“My mom didn’t want me to fight Tyson; she was afraid for 
me. She'd been sick for a while . . . and she was worried about 
me.” James “Buster” Douglas tears up for about a second, His 
best friend, Rodney Rodgers, looks away. We're sitting in the 
sunken lobby coffee shop of the Fairmont Hotel in Chicago. 1 
look back to Douglas. He has regained the steely calm he has 
worn all day. 

“I told my mother I wasn't worried (continued on page 166) 


article and illustration by 
TONY FITZPATRICK 


HAIL, 
BRITTANY 


the jet-setting miss york makes a perfect landing—in our centerfold 


HEN BRITTANY YORK was three years old, her mother threw her into a pool. “Sink or swim,” Miss October says now, 
laughing. She swam. In fact, the free-style and butterfly strokes she developed in rigorous daily training sessions 
might have won her a spot on the Olympic team in Hong Kong, where she grew up. Might have—if she hadn't bro- 
ken her leg skiing in Switzerland. Around that time, young Brittany's attention turned to boys. She was 14 years old, 
living in a Hong Kong high-rise with her English parents, her two brothers and the family's Chinese maid. Here's what 
Brittany did: "My parents went to bed at ten o'clock, and I was out the door at ten-thirty." Using her own moncy—earned 
baby-sitting, giving swimming lessons and modeling—she'd taxi to the local hot spots to dance the night away with her 
friends. “In Hong Kong, kids go out in groups. You don't go out with just one guy, the way you would on а date in America 
There were certain night clubs we all went to, so I could go out alone and know where to find my friends.” But wasn't she 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY ARNY FREYTAG 


"ы 


~ 
. 


justa Ше... young? "I've always done things earlier than most people my age,” she says simply. Only 95 years old now, this 
world-traveling beauty with world-class looks has already seen more of the globe than most people dream of. There were 
the annual pilgrimages to London and the English countryside when she was growing up. There were tours of Furope, 
trips to Kenya and Brazil and three world cruises before she was old enough to vote. When she could, she voted with her 
feet—leaving her subtropical homeland for a distant shore. Sink or swim, she bought 2 one-way ticket to California and en- 
rolled at the University of San Diego. “My idea of the United States came from seeing California in the movies,” she says. 
“White-sand beaches. People surfing and playing volleyball and drinking margaritas in outdoor cafés.” А computer-science 
major who speaks fluent French—and English with a charming British accent—Brittany has now parked her traveling 
shoes in Los Angeles. “This is the place for me,” she says contentedly. “In America, people can get whatever they want.” 


PLAYMATE DATA SHEET 


wae sb КАЕ, 

muss; 2G waist: 24 нге. OF _ 

тш ЫДАН er РАЛЫ. 

BIRTH pare: 2/26/65, BIRTHPLACE: LONDON 

AMBITIONS: T£ Have THE Fee tow, to meme 


qurn-ons: | coul) Be A look oR A TOUCH 

Always SUSTLE, Always EXUITINA . 
Tupn-orrss: THOSE Min WHO Aez So o — 
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INDOORS: Uke ASLE ke 
A bubble Бат ANO fol A DE = d CHa ane, 
1 020 + chee JUST WANT GET evene, - 
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мү COPILOT: TH? МАЛ! or Ма Ogas 15 Hagen „Due, 

L ano Раме, Any ae au aut THERE 7? 

pesrinatronsO MUNG The бвлт бага Кр Ра оліп с. 260255 
hz вие) Ё Ilhas. Pox-Humne N Estland. LETS ао! 


! ! ЕТӘ 
NJOODLNG AT THE Romanet $ (и 
Seoul olymfis а Vent, Imo 


A sportswoman and confessed thrill seeker, Brittony dreams of flying with the Blue Angels or racing in her own Formula | 
car. “Anything that’s fast—that’s for me,” she says with a wicked grin. Brittany's highs and laws have included hang glid. 
ing in Florida and scuba diving in Hawaii. "I like ta push things, ta see haw for | can go,” she says. "I love a challenge.” 


PLAYBOY'S PARTY JOKES 


А recent immigrant went to an American doctor 
and said, “Too many babies, Please help.” 

The doctor gave him a condom and told him to 
come back ina month. When he did, he told the 
doctor, “Man OK, woman OK, condom kaput.” 
The medic gave him a stronger condom and sent 
him home. 

A few weeks later, he returned. “М 
woman OK, condom kaput,” he said 

The doctor gave him the toughest condom 
manufactured. The next day, he returned again 
Man OK, woman OK, condom OK," he said. 
“Balls kaput!” 


n OK, 


Whispers in Washington have и that after 
President ш told Dan Quayle to make a 
fact-finding trip to Central America, the Vice- 
President Шеш his secretary and told her to 
book him on a flight to Ohio. 


After an all-night binge, the unsteady lush fum- 

bled at the door, trying to get it open. The racke 

finally awakened his wife, who opened the up- 
airs window and angrily asked. “Don't you have 

your key?” 

Yeah, 1 have the damn ke 

me down the fucking keyhole. 


“he yelled. “Send 


izers of National Orgasm Week were dis- 
appointed to k that the majo! 
polled just pretended to celebrate. 


Although consumer goods were still in short 
supply, a Soviet department-stori 
structed his employees to be nicer to custom 
in the spirit of glasnost 

“Ехсш 
would like to see a pair of gloves 


Il be all right.” 
or leather? 


“And what color is the coat you 
wear them with? 

"Brown. Whar's the diff 

"There are many shades of brown. Perhaps if 
you brought your coat in tomorrow, we could try 
to match it to the proper gloves.” 

Just n, а woman standing behind the cus- 
tomer interrupted. "Forget about the gloves, lady 
‘Twice 1 brought them my toilet seat. Г even 
showed them my bare ass, but they still don't have 
any toilet paper." 


One afternoon, a young farm girl answered the 
door and found an angry-looking man standing 
on the porch, “Га like to scc your father,” he said 
sternly: 

“И you've come about the bull.” she said. 
fifty dollars. We have the papers and it’s guaran- 
teed.” 

Young lady,” the man said, “I want to sce your 
ther,” 

If that's too much, we've got another bull for 
twenty-five. It's guaranteed, but no papers.” 
I'm not here for a bull,” the man stormed. “1 
want to talk to your father about Elmer. Your 
brother has gotten my daughter in trouble. 


“Oh, 1 reckon youll have to talk to Pa, 1 don't 
know what he charges for 
Whats the difference between a lawyer and a 


trampa 
trampoli 


A friend insists that a female masturbator has to 
have a sense of humor, so she can fully enjoy pok- 
ing fun at herself. 


ic? You take your boots off to jump on a 
с. 


snail filed an assault charge against two 
a detective was sent to question the vie- 
, the cop said. 


Why cant they teach driver's ed five days a week 
West Virginia? Because they need the car one 
day a week for sex ed. 


After meeting at a bar, the couple returned to 
the wom nt for a nightcap. Век 
long, things turned passionate and the pair head- 
ed for the вещ vom, Clothes flying as they went 

1 suddenly shot 
she cried. “My 


ad!” 


hrup in bed. "Oh, 

husband's coming!" 
Shit!” the fellow exclaimed, desperately try- 

ing to find his trousers. ’s the back door?" 
There is no back доо 

Well,” hi “where would you like one?” 


Heard а funny one lately? Send it on a post- 
card, please, to Party Jokes Editor, Playboy, 
680 North Lake Shore Drive, Chicago, Hlinois 
6061. $100 will be paid to the contributor 
whose card is selected. Jokes cannot be returned. 


“Hey-y-y, I like it—it makes you look sexy." 


115 


ППАГ! 
NANI VELL 


when it comes to love, i can see, read 
and decipher the writing on the wall 


fiction 


By RON CARLSON 


HIS ıs about Hartwell, who is nothing like me. 1 
have sometimes told stories about people, men 
and sometimes a woman, who were like me, 
weak or strong in some way that I am, or they 
shared my taste for classical music or fine coffee, 
but Hartwell was not like me in any way. I'm just 
going to tell his story, a story about a man I 
knew, a man not like me, just some other man. 

Hartwell just didn’t get it. For years he existed, as the say- 
ing goes. out of it. Let's say he wasn't alert to nuance. and 
then let's go ahead and say he wasn't alert to blatancy, ei- 
ther. He was alert to the Victorian poets and all of their nu- 
ances, but he couldn't tell you if it was raining. This went 
back to when he was at the University of Michigan and ev- 
erybody was preparing for law school, taking just enough 
history, political science, things like that, but Hartwell ma- 
jored in English, narrowing that to the Victorians, which 
could lead to only one thing: graduate school. As a gradu- 
ate student, he was a sweet guy with a spiral tuft of light hair 
that rose off his head like a flame, who lived alone in a room 
he took off campus and who read his books, diligently and 
with pleasure, and ate a steady diet of the kind of food eat- 
en with ease while reading, primarily candy. 

When I met him, he had become a sweet, round man, an 
associate professor of English who taught Browning and 
Tennyson, etc., etc., and who brought to our campus that 
fall years ago his wife, Melissa, a handsome woman with 
broad shoulders and shiny dark hair cut in a pixy shell. 

I say our campus because 1, too, teach, but Hartwell and I 
couldn't be more different in that regard. I know what's go- 
ing on around me. I teach rhetoric and I parse my students 
as well as any sentence. My antennae are ош. I can smell an 
ironic smirk in the back row, detect an unprepared student 
in the first five minutes of class, feel from the way the stu- 
dents file out of class what they think of me. Hartwell drifts 
into his classroom, nose in a book, shirt misbuttoned, and 
reads and lectures until well afier the bell has rung and half 
the students have departed. He doesn’t know their names 
or how many there are. He can't hear them making fun of 


him when they do it to his face while handing in a late pa- 
per, whining his name, Pro-fes-sor Hart-well, into five sarcas- 
tic syllables and smiling a smile so fake-sugary as to make 
any of us avert our eyes. He is oblivious 

This was apparent to me the first time I met him with 
Melissa at the faculty party that fall. The effect of seeing 
them standing together in the dean's back yard was shock- 
ing. Anyone could see it: They wouldn't last the year. As I 
said, she was attractive, but as she scanned her husband's 
colleagues that evening. it was her eves, her predatory eyes. 
that made it clear. Poor old Hartwell stood beside her, his 
hair afloat, his smile benign and vacant, an expression he'd 
learned from years alone with books. 

Melissa shopped around for a while, and by mid-term, 
she was seeing our 20th Century drama professor, a young 
guy who had a red mustache and played handball. It took 
Hartwell the entire year to find out about the affair and 
then all of summer session to decide what it meant. Even 
then, even after he'd talked to Melissa and she to him and 
he'd moved out of the little house they had bought near the 
college, even then he didn't really wake up. The students 
were more sarcastic to him now that he was a cuckold, a 
word they learn as sophomores and then overuse for a year. 
Watching that was hard on me, those sunny young faces 
filing into his office with their million excuses for not being 
present or prepared, saying things that, if heard in my 
office, would win them an audience with the dean. Things I 
wouldn't take. 

I, however, am not like Hartwell. There isn't a callow hair 
оп my head. 1 am alert. 1 am perspicacious. 1 can see what is 
going on. I've become, as you sense, а cynical and thor- 
oughly jaded professor of rhetoric. My defenses are up and. 
like it or not, they are not coming down. 

It was in the period just after Melissa that I became 
friends with Hartwell. Our schedules were similar and 
many afternoons at 4:30, we fell into step as we left the an- 
cient Normal Hall, where we both taught. Old Normal was 
more than 100 years old, the kind of school building you 
don't see anymore: a red-block structure with crumbling 


PAINTING BY EDIE VONNEGUT 


117 


PLAYT2 0 7 


118 


turrets, high ceilings and a warped 
wooden floor that rippled underfoot 
I'd walk out with Hartwell and ask him 
if he'd like to get a coffee. The first 
time I asked him, he said, “What?” and 
when I repeated the question, he 
looked at me full of wonder, as if I'd in- 
vented French roast, and said, “Why, 
yes, that sounds like a good idea.” But, 
of course, that was the way he respond- 
ed every time I asked him. He was like 
a child, a man without a history. His 
experience with Melissa certainly 
hadn't hurt him. He thought it was 
odd, but as he said about the drama 
teacher one day over two wonderful 
cups of Celebes Kalossi at the Pantry, 
“He had vigor” But we primarily 
talked shop: semantics. Hartwell was 
doing a grammatical study of Gerard 
Manley Hopkins, and I offered my ad- 
vice. 

I wasn't surprised during this time 
to see him occasionally lunching with 
Melissa. He was the kind of man you 
could betray, divorce and still maneu- 
ver into buying you lunch. 

But our afternoons together began 
to show me his loneliness. He was as 
seemingly inured to that feeling as any 
man I'd ever met—even myself in the 
life І have chosen—but more and more 
frequently during our conversations, 1 
would see his eyes narrow and fall up- 
on a table across the room where a boy 
and a girl chatted over their note- 
books. And when his eyes returned to 
me, they would be different, and he 
would stand and gather his books and 
go off, a fat fair-haired professor tast- 
ing grief. He never remembered to 
pay for his coffee. 

. 

The next thing happened, and 1 
knew from the very beginning what to 
make of it. When you fall in love with a 
student, three things happen. One: 
You become an inspired teacher, 
spending hours and hours going over 
every tragic shred of your students" 
sour deadwood compositions as if 
holding in your hands magic parch- 
ment, suddenly tapping into hidden 
reservoirs of energy and vocabulary 
and lyric combinations for your Јес- 
tures, refusing to sit down in class. 
“Two: The lucky victim of your infatua- 
tion receives a mark twice as high as he 
or she deserves. Three: You have a mo- 
ment of catharsis during the denoue- 
ment in which you see yourself clearly 
the fool, a realization that is probably 
good for any teacher, because it will 
temper you, seal your cynicism and 
jade your eye, and make you sit down 
hard and frequently thereafter. 

The object of Hartwell's affections 
was a girl I kind of knew. She had been 
in my class the year before, and she 
was a girl you noticed. Ours is a small 


Midwestern college and there are a 
dozen such beauties, coeds with the 
perfect unblemished faces of pretty 
girls and the long legs and round hips 
of women. These young creatures 
wear plaid skirts and sweaters and 
keep their streaming hair in silver 
clips. They sit in the second row and 
have bright teeth. They look at you un- 
seeing, the way they've looked at teach- 
ers all their lives, and when one of 
these girls changes that glance and 
seems to be appraising, you wear a 
clean shirt and comb your hair the 
next day. 

That was what gave Hartwell away: 
his hair. 1 met him on the steps of Nor- 
mal and he looked funny, different. It 
was the way people look who have 
shaved their beards or taken to wear- 
ing glasses; that is, 1 couldn't tell what 
was different for a moment. He simply 
looked shorter. Then I saw the comb 
tracks in the hair plastered to his head 
and I knew. He had been precise about 
it, ГИ give him that. After a lifetime of 
letting his hair jet like fame—vildfire, 
really—he had cut a part an engineer 
would have been proud of and then 
formed perfect furrows across the top 
of his head and down, curling once to 
disappear behind his ear. If you'd just 
met him, 1 suppose, it wouldn't have 
looked too bad. But to me, God, he 
looked like the concierge of a sad ho- 
tel. He had combed his hair and 1 
knew. 

There were other signs, too: his 
pressed shirt, the new tie, his loafers so 
shiny—after years of grime—that they 
hurt the eye. He was animated at cof- 
fee, tapping the cover of the old ma- 
roon anthology of Victorian poetry 
with new vigor, and then the coup de 
grüce—one afternoon at the Pantry, he 
picked up the check. 

Hartwell was teaching a Hopkins- 
Swinburne seminar at night that term 
and the girl who was the object of his 
affections, a girl named Julie, was in 
that seminar. When Hartwell began to 
change his ways, 1 simply noticed. It 
was none of my business. One's col- 
leagues do many things that one 
doesn’t fully appreciate or understand. 
But Hartwell was different. 1 felt I 
should help him. He had not been 
around this particular block, and 1 de- 
cided to stay alert. 

I could sce, read and decipher the 
writing on the wall. This shrewd pretty 
schoolgirl was merely manipulating 
her professor to her advantage. I knew 
she was an ordinary student from her 
days in rhetoric, an officer in Tri Delta 
sorority who wore a red kilt and a 
white sweater and who spent more 
time choosing her blouses than study- 
ing verb phrases, and now she was out 
for poor Hartwell. 


І changed my office hours so I could 
be around when his dass broke up, 
which was about nine px. Tuesdays and 
‘Thursdays, and 1 saw her hang around 
my old friend, chatting him up, always 
the last to leave and then stroll with 
him—and that is the correct word, 
stroll—down the rickety corridor of 
Normal, the floor creaking like a fools’ 
chorus. She would laugh at the things 
he said and toss her hair just so and 
squeeze her books to her chest. And 
Hartwell, well, he would beam. From 
the door of my office, I could see the 
light bounce off his forehead, he was 
that far gone. 

In most cases, these things are not 
really very important—some passing 
infatuation, some shrewd undergradu- 
ate angling to гање his or her grade- 
point average, some professor's 
flagging ско taking a little ride—but I 
watched that spring term as it went 
further and further for Hartwell. The 
shined shoes were a bit much, but then 
at mid-term, he showed up one day in 
gray-flannel slacks, his old khakis and 
their constellations of vague grease 
stains gone forever. And I could tell he 
was losing weight, the way men do 
when they spend the energy necessary 
to become fools. 

Melissa, his ex-wife, now uneasily 
married to our drama professor (who 
had since developed his own air of 
frumpiness), came to my office one day 
and asked me what was going on with 
Hartwell. I hadn't liked her from the 
beginning, and now, as she sat smartly 
on the edge of the chair, her short 
carapace of hair as shiny as plastic, I 
liked her even less, and 1 did what I 
am certainly capable of doing when re- 
quired: I lied. I told her that I noticed 
no difference in her former husband, 
no change at all. 


. 

I knew with certainty that there was 
danger when, one afternoon in April, 
Hartwell leaned forward over his cof- 
fee and withdrew a sheet of typed pa- 
per from the pages of his textbook. It 
was a horrid thing to see, the perfect 
stanzas typed in the galloping pica of 
his office Underwood, five rhyming 
quatrains underneath the title: 7 Julie. 
It was fire, it was flower, it was—de- 
spite the rigid iambic pentameter—un- 
restrained. It was confession, apology 
and seduction in one. I clenched my 
mouth to keep from trembling while 1 
read it, and after ап appropriate 
minute, I passed it back. He had begun 
to beam everywhere. He wanted to 
know what | thought. 

“It is very, very good,” I told him 
quietly, “The metaphors are apt and 
original and the whole has a genuine 
energy.” Here I leaned toward his 

(continued on page 157) 


PLAYBOY’S PIGSKIN PREVIEW 


OUR PRE-SEASON PICKS OF THE TOP COLLEGE TEAMS AND PLAYERS 


Quarterback Craig Erickson is poised to lead the Miami Hurricanes to their second straight national championship. 


sports By GARY COLE 


with research by Nancy Mount 
IF YOU WERE excited at the prospect of 
seeing senior Andre Ware, last year’s 
Heisman Trophy winner, lead his 
Houston Cougars team to the national 
championship, forget it. And forget 
Illinois’ Jeff George, Florida’s Emmitt 
Smith, Alabama's Keith McCants and 
USC's Junior Seay and Mark Carrier. 
They all took a page from Barry 
Sanders’ book, the one that says, If 
you've got the talent, don't be a cluck and 
play for nothing. You can be an instant mil- 
lionaire by declaring yourself eligible for the 
pro draft. 

Sanders’ move in 1989 confirmed 
what everyone had suspected all along: 
that the cozy deal between the 
N.C.AA. and the N.FL., which kept 
players in the college ranks until their 
eligibility expired, wouldn't hold wa- 
ter—or а running back—when put to 
the test. In fact, when college players 
started coming out early, the N.FL., 
recognizing that its position had no va- 
lidity under the law, gave up without a 
fight. The Indianapolis Colts promptly 
signed George, the quarterback of the 


1. Miami 
2. Notre Dame 
3. Colorado... 
4. Florido Stote 
5. Nebrasko 

6. Michigan. 
7. 
8 


14. Brighom Young. 
15. Clemson... 
16. Arizono 
17. Oklahoma. 
18. Arkansos 
19. Illinois 
20. Texos A&M ..... 

Possible breakthroughs: Alo- 
boma (7-4), Fresno St. (10-1), 
Georgio Tech (8-3), Номой (9-3), 
Northern Illinois (9-2), Penn St. 
(7-4), Michigon St. (7-2), Lovisville 
(8-3), West Virginia (7-4), Pittsburgh 
(7-4), Wyoming (7-5), USC (7-5). 


future, to a $15,000,000 contract, 
which proved that some kids learn 
something in college after all. 

Not all players were so smart or so 
lucky. Of the 38 juniors who declared 
themselves eligible for the draft, only 
20 were selected. The 18 others have 
surrendered their last year of college 
play and are left to ponder the 
prospect of playing football in Canada. 

Meanwhile, Notre Dame, unable to 
wrest the national championship from 
Miami last year, proved at least to be 
master of the greediron by deserting 
both its fellow College Football Associa- 
tion members and ABC Sports—with 
which ND had just jointly signed a fat 
TV contract—and making its own mul- 
timillion-dollar deal with NBC. With 
the cash register ringing, rumors 
abound that the Irish may be contem- 
plating a larger-than-life gilded statue 
of Lou Holtz to face Touchdown Jesus 
across the university commons. 

There'll be по Holtz barred this 
year—Lou will keep his team in it till 
the end, as more than 100 Division I 
teams race to New Year's Day through 
a blizzard of touchdown bombs, sack 
attacks, pom-pons and confetti. If you 


119 


THE 1990 PLAYBOY 


Y gr. & “67 
O ко чини = 


294 


d ч, 
DEFENSE PE 


Left 10 right, top to bottom: Moe Gardner (95), nose tackle; University of Illinois; Russell Maryland (67), 
defensive lineman, University of Miami; Alonzo Spellman (99), defensive lineman, Ohio State; Alfred 
Williams (94), linebacker, University of Colorado; David Rocker (95), defensive lineman, Auburn; Huey 
Richardson (90), linebacker, University of Florida; Nathan LaDuke (29), defensive back, Arizona State; 
Tripp Welborne (3), defensive back, University of Michigan; Reggie Cooper (17), defensive back, University 
of Nebraska; Darrick Brownlow (48), linebacker, Illinois; Tom Rouen (10), punter, University of Colorado. 


` ALL-AMERICA TEAM 


Ë 
2 


w> 

Left to right, top to bottom: Mark Vander Poel (72), tackle, Colorado; Ed King (67), guard, Auburn; Blaise. 
Bryant (21), running back, lowa State; John Flannery (53); center, Syracuse; Antone Davis (78), tackle, Ten- 
nessee; Tim Bruton (89), tight end, Missouri; Manny Hazard (20), wide receiver, Houston; Dean Dingman 
(78), guard, Michigan; Jason Hanson (4), place kicker, Washington State; Chris Howard (34), Anson Mount 
Scholar/Athlete, Air Force; Mike Mayweather (30), running back, Army; Courtney Hawkins (5), wide re- 
ceiver, Michigan State; Johnny Majors, Coach of the Year, Tennessee; Craig Erickson (7), quarterback; Midmi. 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY RICHARD ZU! 
SPECIAL THANKS TO THE SHERATON BAL HARBOUR HOTEL, BAL HARBOUR, FLORIDA: 


122 


THE PLAYBOY ALL-AMERICAS 


Playboy's College Football Coach of the Year is younny majors, Now begin- 
ning his l4th year at the University of Tennessee, Majors has a career 
record of 150-97-8. Last year, his Volunteers were П-1, including a 31-27 
win over Arkansas in the Cotton Bowl. Currently president of the American 
Football Coaches Association, Majors is a National Football Foundation 
Hall-of-Famer for his achievements as a triple-threat back for Tennessee in 
the Fifties. This is the second time Majors has received the Playboy Coach 
of the Year Award; the first was in 1975, when he was at Pittsburgh. 


OFFENSE 
CRAIG zrıckson—Quarterback, 6'3", 
196 pounds, Miami, senior. Led the 
Hurricanes to a national champi- 
onship last season. Sixth on Miami's 
career touchdown list with 24. 
BLAISE BRYANT—Running back, 61", 
200, lowa State, senior. Leading 
returning rusher in the nation, 
with 1516 yards last season. Scored 
ап ISU-record 19 touchdowns. 
MIKE MAYWEATHER—Running back, 
58", 190, United States Military 
Academy, senior. Set season record 
and a career rushing mark for 
Army, surpassing Glenn Davis. 
тім BRUTON—Tight end, 6'4", 247, 
Missouri, senior. Has 66 career re- 
ceptions for 926 yards and will 
climb into the Tigers’ list of top-ten 
receivers this season. 
MANNY HAZARD—Wide receiver, 5'9", 
170, Houston, senior. College foot- 
ball’s leading receiver last season 
with 142 catches for 1689 yards and 
22 touchdowns. 
COURTNEY HAWKINS— Wide receiver, 
5/9", 180, Michigan State, junior. Set 
MSU record in 1989 with 60 catches 
for 1080 yards. 
Ер kinc—Offensive lineman, 64", 
284, Auburn, junior. Third Auburn 
sophomore ever to make All-Ameri- 
ca; he repeats this year. 
ANTONE pavis—Offensive lineman, 
6'4", 310, Tennessee, senior. Part of 
the line that set school record for 
yardage per game (408.5). 
JOHN FLANNERY—Center, 64", 300, 
Syracuse, senior. Coach Dick Mac- 
Pherson says Flannery “may be the 
best offensive lineman Syracuse has 
ever had.” 
MARK VANDER POEL—Offensive line- 
man, 6'8", 305, Colorado, senior. 
All-Big Eight and honorable men- 
tion All-America last year. 
DEAN DINGMAN—Offensive lineman, 
63", 292, Michigan, senior. Voted 
outstanding Wolverines lineman of 
the year by his team. 
RAGHIB ISMAIL—Kick returner, 510", 
175, Notre Dame, junior. “Rocket” 
had a 29.2-yard kick-return average 
last season. (Not pictured.) 


JASON Hanson—Place kicker, 61", 
175, Washington State, junior. Suc- 
cessful on 21 of 27 field-goal at- 
tempts last season, including a 
58-yarder. 


DEFENSE 

DAVID ROCKER— Defensive lineman, 
64", 264, Auburn, senior. Had 80 
tackles (14 for losses) last season. 
MOE GARDNER—Defensive lineman, 
62", 250, Illinois, senior. The Illini 
defensive M.V.P was an Outland 
Trophy finalist. 
RUSSELL MARYLAND— Defensive line- 
man, 62", 273, Miami, senior. Made 
170 tackles over the past two sea- 
sons for the Hurricanes. 
ALONZO SPELLMAN—Defensive line- 
man, 6'7", 270, Ohio State, sopho- 
more. Had 49 tackles, including ten 
for losses, as a freshman last yea 
HUEY RICHARDSON—Linebacker, 65", 
236, Florida, senior. Twelve and a 
half sacks, 22'/» tackles for losses last 
season. Has been switched to down 
lineman. 
DARRICK BROWNLOW—Linebacker, 
5'10", 233, Illinois, senior. Made an 
astonishing 292 tackles over the 
past two seasons. 
ALFRED wiLLIaMs—Linebacker, 6'6", 
230, Colorado, senior; 1989 Big 
Eight defensive payer of the year. 

REGGIE COOPER— Defensive back, 63", 
205, Nebraska, senior Led Big 
Eight in interceptions last season. 
NATHAN LADUKE—Defensive back, 
51", 195, Arizona State, senior. 
Had 99 tackles last year; intercept- 
ed Houston's Andre Ware three 
times in one game. 
Topp rvcur—Defensive back, 61", 
184, Notre Dame, senior One of 
three finalists for 1989's Jim Thorpe 
Award, (Not pictured.) 
TRIPP WELBORNE—Defensive back, 
61%, 201, Michigan, senior. Had 80 
tackles last season. One was the cru- 
cial fourth-and-goal stop that pre- 
served the Wolverines’ win over 
Michigan State. 
том ROUEN—Punter, 637, 215, Col- 
orado, senior. Led the nation last 
season with 45.9-yard average. 


don’t like that sort of thing, turn to the 
centerfold now. But if college football 
is your meat, read on. 


LMIAMI 


Regardless of who is coach (first 
Schnellenberger, then Johnson, now 
Dennis Erickson) or quarterback (Kel- 
ly, Kosar, Testaverde or Craig Erick- 
son), the Miami Hurricanes just keep 
blowing people out. With three пайоп- 
al championships in seven years and a 
record of 55-5 over the past five, the 
team shows no sign of weakening. 

With a year under his belt and his 
coach's complex offensive scheme 
more clearly in his mind, quarterback 
and Playboy All-America Erickson (no 
relation to the coach) will make a 
strong bid for the Heisman Trophy. 
His supporting cast won't hurt. Eight 
starters from last season return, in- 
cluding receivers Wesley Carroll (53 
catches for 760 yards) and Randal Hill 
(42 for 652 yards). The four leading 
rushers return, as does most of the of- 
fensive line. Last year, Miami had the 
best defense in the nation, permitting 
the fewest points (9.3 per game) and 
the fewest total yards (216.5). Three 
starters from the defensive line have 
graduated to the N.EL., but Playboy 
All-America Russell Maryland is back. 
Тһе linebacking corps, led by Maurice 
Crum, features speed. Michael Barrow 
clocks at 4.6 seconds in the 40, Darrin 
Smith, 4.42, and Jessie Armstead, 4.47. 
As for special teams, Miami set an 
N.C.A.A. record for allowing fewest 
yards on punt returns, surrendering 
two yards on 12 returns last season. 
There are teams that can beat the 
"Canes. They play in the N.EL. 11-0 


2. NOTRE DAME, 


To the victors go the spoils, and even 
though Notre Dame was edged out of 
the national title by Miami, coach Lou 
Holtz and the Fighting Irish have 
come up big winners since then. First, 
Holtz signed literally every top recruit 
he took a fancy to. The Irish left their 
fellow College Football Association 
members with their pants down by 
bolting the C.FA.'s contract with АВС 
Sports and signing with NBC. Finally, 
Notre Dame announced some little 
schedule helpers for the 1991-1995 
seasons. Miami, for example, will be 
replaced by the Northwestern Wild- 
cats, 0-1] last year. Such a cynical move 
tarnishes the Golden Dome. 

Holtz’s team has awesome talent on 
both sides of the line. Tony Rice, the 
best college quarterback who couldn't 
throw a forward pass, has been re- 
placed by 6'3" sophomore Rick Mirer. 
If the Irish have a weakness, it is at 
quarterback: Mirer is inexperienced 

(continued on page 142) 


“Time for bed, earthling.” 


123 


2 0 Que 


5 I 


KIEFER SUTHERLAND 


‘he son of actors Donald Sutherland and 

Shirley Douglas, Kiefer Sutherland is 
ome of Hollywoods brightest and most ver- 
satile talents. Only 23, he has been featured 
іп 14 films in the past three years. This year, 
he shared top billing with Dennis Hopper іп 
“Flashback,” teamed with Emily Lloyd 
іп “Chicago Joe and the Showgirl” and 
starred in “Flatliners” and “Young Guns 
II." Sutherland has a daughter, two, and a 
stepdaughter, 13, but he and his wife seba- 
rated earlier this year and he is now 
involved with “Flatliners” co-star Julia 
Roberts. Paul Engleman interviewed 
Sutherland in Beverly Hills. “My tape 
recorder chose that afternoon to go on the 
blink” Engleman remembers. “Neither 
Kiefer nor Т is mechanically inclined, but 
we diagnosed a recalcitrant mause button, 
which Kiefer repaired—by biting it off As 
Jar as I can tell, it may have been the only 
pause hes taken m his career so Jar” 


1. 


PLAYBOY: In Stand Ву Ме and The Lost 
Boys, you play a convincing gang leader. 
Were you ever in a gang? 

SUTHERLAND: Not per sc. Гус never been a 
great follower, though Гус had my 
moments. My mother often questioned 
the intelligence of certain people I hung 
out with, always wanted to be in control 
of my life, and that's why I hung out with 
those types of people. 


2. 
rLavBoy: Who left the biggest imprint on 
you—your mother or your father? 


SUTHERLAND: 1 lived with my mother but 
spent a lot of time with my father. When 1 


ма: Ive, I saw 
hollywood's fy mother do 
pedigreed 


Martha іп Whos 
young gun 


Afraid of Virginia 
Woolf? and for the 
first time, I was 
able to recognize 


shoots straight great acting. 1 
Шей и yatim 

about hambi, moter and 1 
E el knew that if somc- 
donning a kilt thing happened in 


the audience, she 


and how an | would run out and 
К help me. But she 
actor buries à was not my mother 


when I was watch- 
ing the play: That's 
when 1 realized 
how rewarding 
acting could Бе 


flat line 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY TOM ZIMBEROFF 


Then I saw Ordinary People, which was 
devastating. Here 1 was, watching a film 
starring my father, dealing with the rcla- 
tionship of a young man and a divorce. 
‘To see my father be so sensitive, so hurt 
and longing for everything to work out 
was incredibly moving. I wanted to 
phone him up and say, “I know it was 
only a film, but you're aware that every- 
thing with us is all right and I love you 
more than anything.” So within that year, 
I saw performances by both of them that 
made me want to be an actor. 


3. 


FLAYBOY: If you hadn't gone into the fam- 
ily business, what would you be doing? 
SUTHERLAND: Oh, shit. Well, I had a 
friend who got a really good job with the 
phone company in Canada. They've gota 
wonderful union and work pretty good 
hours. I'd probably be doing something 
like that. 


4. 


PLAYBOY: Your grandfather, Thomas 
Clement Douglas, was the architect of 
Canadian socialism and had a strong 
influence on you. Would you describe 
yourself asa socialist? 

SUTHERLAND: Absolutely. The Bible has 
a wonderful parable about the men 
walking by a dying man on the street— 
we all know that’s wrong. If you break 
down socialism to its simplest level, that's 
what it is: making it a national responsi- 
bility or a world responsibility not to let 
the person in the street lie there any 
longer. 


5. 


PLAYBOY: Is there something about being 
Canadian that Americans dont under- 
stand? 

SUTHERLAND: For me there is. My roots 
are exceptionally deep there. My grand- 
father's involvement in the structuring of 
Canadian politics and the Canadian way 
of life—socialized medicine, national- 
ized transportation, all those issues— 
makes an incredible grounding in that 
country for me. Young Americans want 
to be patriotic, but because so many 
nations have political or economic prob- 
lems with the U.S., they have a harder 
time with that concept than their parents 
and grandparents did. So it’s nice to 
come from a country where it's easier to 
be patriotic. 


PLAYBOY: What's the first movie you saw? 
SUTHERLAND: Bambi, and its still the film 
with which I compare everything. Its 
structure is perfect. It has every ele- 
ment—comedy, with Thumper as your 
Shakespearean town idiot; high drama, 
when the mother is shot and with the 
forest бге. Its а great coming-of-age 
story, and it deals with love and growth in 
a very poignant мау It taught me 
about—I guess on a broad scale—sexual- 
ity I was in love with Thumper's girl- 
friend from the time I was seven until 1 
was ten. She's got all that eye shadow on 
and she's looking real good. And Bambi 
is adamant about remaining one of the 
guys. Then he turns and this fawn is 
looking at him and—boom!—he's gone. 
That's a feeling I understand real well: 
“Pm going to play pool with one of the 
guys,” and then you look around and 
someone has a dress on. Then it’s, “OK, 
when do you want me to feed the baby?” 


7. 


PLAYBOY: You dropped out of boarding 
school when you were fifteen. Do you 
have any regrets about not finishing 
school? Is there something you missed? 
SUTHERLAND: It goes both ways. Probably 
the most significant thing I missed was 
emotional development—not that I was 
ever emotionally arrested—but in the 
relationships you develop with other peo- 
ple. As far as the intellectual stimulation 
that school provides, that ultimately 
comes from books. When I was sixteen 
and working, I was still getting book 
lists—books that I otherwise just would 
not have known to read. So I was doing 
my best to keep up. Then again, I got 
something of a street education—not 
that I've ever been in a terrible position. 
Аз far as communicating with people 
and understanding how to get from A to 
B, I picked that up quicker than most 
people who went to college, because I was 
young enough to adapt more quickly. You 
can't beat the hands of time that much, 
but I took a running start. 


8. 


rLAvBov: For those of us who may not 
have enjoyed the private school experi- 
ence, tell us what we missed. 

SUTHERLAND: My boarding school was 
St. Andrew's College. And for the two 
years I attended that great institution—I 
say that with all the facetiousness I 
canmuster—l (concluded on page 164) 


125 


from the rockies to the 
deserts to the beaches, 
а coterie of coeds who put 


the wild in the west 


in the air—fashion editors launch their fall-wardrobe forecasts, 

sports editors and researchers crunch football data, graphic 
artists begin giving our pages that golden autumn feel. And over in 
the Photo Department, a debate is under way. “Traditionally, Octo- 
ber is the month we present a back-to-school Girls of . . . pictorial,” 
says Managing Photo Editor Jeff Cohen. “And every year, the ques- 
tion is the same: Which conference should we select?” The choice is 
never easy: Cohen is always looking for something special. This year, 
he found it in the Big West. Made up of ten schools—seven in Cali- 
fornia, one each in Nevada, New Mexico and Utah—the Big West 
offers а few pluses not often found in your typical N.C.A.A. confer- 
ence: small towns, beaches within Frisbee-tossing distance of ivory 
towers, backdrops ranging from desert to Sierras—and, of course, 
women ripened by constant sunshine. As usual, Contributing Pho- 
tographer David Chan did the seek-and-shoot honors for us—a 12- 
week trek that covered nearly half a million square miles (they 
aren't kidding when they call the Big West big). Chan came back 
with the accompanying portfolio—guaranteed to take the chill out 
of the fall air in your territory. In keeping with the spirit of aca- 
demic achievement, we give him an A-plus. We think you'll agree. 


E ACH YEAR, as Playboy prepares its October issue, there's a charge 


Surf's up! Greeting you from the sonds of the compus beach (you reod it right: There is o beach оп compus} is Morianne Hudak (ей), с 
junior ot the University of Californio, бота Barbaro. A sports nut and part-time model, Morionne is aiming for o future in broodcost 
news. Getting o lift from her Californio Stote University ot Fullerton friends (top) is Korren Kenney, o recent groduate who hopes to por- 
loy her passion for othletics into o career in sports low. And from UC Irvine, here's Terry Sue McMinn (obove), o diehord sun bother and 
future teocher. Originolly from Storkville, Mississippi, Terry Sue likes a guy who'll run her o bubble both ond otherwise pomper her. 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY DAVID CHAN 


127 


| 


Т! 


И 


| 


2 
2 


Two top attractions ot the University of Nev. 
одо, Los Vegos, ore В. 1. Engel (left) and Chri 
ten Seiter (above) 
school spirit even offer class lets aut. BJ. h 
been o UNLV song leoder, cheerleader and 
vice-president of the student body, while 
Christen is secretary of UNLV's Club Mon- 
agers Association. New Mexico State Universi- 
1's best ad for denim is Debbi Lynn Cox 
[below lefi), a biology mojar and native of El 
Paso, Partial to men who “dress well and know 
how to treat o lady,” Debbi hopes ta awn her 
own business. Lucianne Aquino (below) is o 

senior ot Col State Long Beach whose engine 
runs faster than most: Her ро 

“playing racquetball, visiting 

porks, creating danc: 


include 
amusement 
ond making love." 


Keeping limber ct the bar (above) із UC Irvine's Kristina Keasbey, а versatile hoofer (ballet, jazz) who hopes спе day to launch her own 
dance company. As you can see from her photo, Kristina usually has a leg up on things; as you can't soo, she's fond of Levi's 501 jeans. 
Set to graduate next spring from Cal State Fullerton is Heather Hayes (below), an English major from nearby Santa Ana who raises and 
trains Arabian horses. Heather's on the lookout for her ideal guy—"a real gentleman with a great smile, great eyes and c great rear.” 


Cal State Fresnc's Danette Moser (apposite), a hospitol secretary, is in na rush to dosh aff 
after graduation. "It's not necessary to travel the world to find happiness,” she says. "Life is 
what you moke it—here and now." To win the heart of Cal State Fullerton's Koren Burke 
(above left), you'll want ta fill her day with the following essentials: a romantic brunch, an 
afternoon of jet-skiing ond on intimate sunset for two. What brought Amy Nael Conville 
(above right) fram her native Ohio to Utah Stote's Rocky Mountain heights? Watch her fly 
оп skis ar teor across the winter londscape an а snowmobile—there's your answer. New 
Mexico is the perfect laid-back lacale for NMSU’s eosygaing Сога Quintana (below), a 
Texas native wha likes ta relax on camping trips. Ciara does hove her moments of high en- 
ergy—especiolly when it comes to playing basketboll ond football ond running track. 


When she's not horseback riding or honging 
out with her fomily, Cal State Fresno's Bridg- 
оне O'Connor (еН) concentrates cn career 
Currently, it’s a coin flip between 

ond telecommunications. Utah 

Stote's Sonyo Davis (below) cloims she's con 
tent with life's simpler delights: ice cream, va- 
cations and sleeping. Originally from Laos, 
Sonya wants to be on onchor woman. Also 
aiming for о TV coreer—as on actress—is San 
Jose Siote's Allyson Beoulieu (bottom), who 


likes yogo, fencing ond “guys with long Нойс“ 


The University of the Pocific’s Sheri Lynn 
Thornton (above left) is chosing down some 
serious three-letter combinations these 
days. First comes her М.В.А.; eventuolly, she 
hopes, she'll make С.Е.О. Sheri Lynn, who 
was born in Pittsburgh, has one pet peeve: 
“people who obuse the TV's remote control.” 
NMSU's lisa Leven (above right) is а model 
with a mission: to own her own business. 
Until then, she bides time cheerleoding and 
making weekend getoways with friends. At 
right, meet a lively gang from UC Irvine. 
From left, they're Michelle Gamer, о weight 
lifter from Okinawa; Amy Beth Lee (hoisting 
some heavy reading), a physics major and 
Bogart fan; Ann Elizabeth Combs, а horse- 
woman and red-blooded romantic; Judith 
Zaragoza, с Mexicon-born music lover who, 
despite being blind, swims, rides bikes ond 
prefers “cleon-shaven, well-groomed mer 
and Elsa Marie Ramon-Gomez, an L.A. 
heading for a career іп ТҮ journolism. 


ШІП ІШ 


ТШШЩ 
ТООЦ ІШІ 


Morgan McCormick (the well-heeled pionist above left) is o Son Francisco native attending 
the University of the Pacific's Conservatory of Music. When we asked Morgan to tell us a 
few of her favorite things, she come up with a list os alliterotive os her nome: “pointing, 
ploying piono, performing, partying!” Studying sociology of UC Sonta Barbora is Walnut 
Creek-born Kelly Hayes {above right), о 16-yeor veteran of competitive swimming who 
likes sushi, sake ond dancing the night oway ot ploces such as Chippendole's. Would-be 


suitors, toke note. Kelly's v pushover fur “dozens of red roses ond long kisses.” Col State 
Fresno's Ginger Connolly (below) scubo dives, competes on the frock team, hos ployed 
bosketball in Russio ond is pursuing о degree in exercise physiolagy. Her dream-guy crite- 
rio? Says Ginger, о native of Merced, “I like o man who's ton and well proportioned 


0 


San Jose Stote's Kothleen Wynne (obove) is o future octress who hails from sunny Sacro- 
mento. An ordent traveler, Kothleen especially enjoys toking in the Californio сооз! 
line—jogging or on o bicycle. Her chosen companions ore "men who can show their 
emotions.” W's no surprise thot UNLV business mojor Devono Hicks (below left) is o knock- 
ош it runs in the family. Her sister Shondo is o model, and her mom, а flight attendont, is 
a former Miss Michigon, Mrs. Illinois and Mrs. Меуосо. Col State Long Beoch's Jamae 
Moore (below right) olso likes to keep things in the family. hoving surfed competitively with 
her mother and brother. "We're very octive people,” she soys proudly. A shot-gloss collector 
who's studying physical educotion, Јотае tells us she odores 4x4 trucks, dabbles in astrol- 
ogy, hotes her freckles ond spends lots of time portying with her best friend, Jennifer. 


ME 


ETE 


Joanne Joye (cooling of ot lefi) is on equestrienne who has dreamed of 
copping Olympic gold since she wos 11 years old. When she’s not in 
training or hitting her books ot Cal Stote Fullerton, Joanne con be found 
lounging in lingerie or curling up by the fireplace. A senior ct Long 
Beoch, Toni Dean (above) is a true Californio girl who enjoys beach vol- 
leyball and roller-bloding. On o date, Toni eschews glitz: "I'd rother have 
cheese ond сгоскег in the pork thon dine and dence in LA." UNLV's 
Laura Rudolphi (below), born in West Germany, now lives in Vegos, 
where her dad works іп а casino. Hoping to land o sheepskin in social 
work, Loura spends her down time jet-skiing and checking out the local 
bonds. Son Jose Stote's Tonya Poole (opposite) is а former Army brat now 
studying child psychology. Tonyo's ambition: “to become o Playboy сеп- 
terfold.” Who soys our universities aren't teaching the right volues? 


138 


VOLKSWAGEN 


presents 
fun facts 
from the 


ШЕТА 


“бо west, young men," Horace Greeley advised, inspiring о generation to seek its fortune in a strange, uncharted wilderness. At the time, the words conjured up visions of 
quick-draw gunslingers, grizzled old prospectors and sassy concen girls. Well, more than a century later, the West has been won and, boy, have things changed! Now it's hot-shot 
athletes, diehard sun worshipers and women of natural beauty. We toured the ten schools that make up the М.СА.А.5 Big West Conference and come back smilin‘. Check i! out. 


CAL STATE FRESNO 


The Thrill of Victory: At the annual 
Vintoge Day celebration, students con 
porticipate in such events os cow-chip- 
tossing contests and tricycle races. 

Hot Spots: The Bucket (across from the 
Student Union); Wiliker's, goad food 
and goad times; and Yogurt and Jazz, o 
night spot specializing in health food, 
cool sounds and packed crowds. 

What's in а Name?: The institution’s 
full title is Californio Stote University, 
Fresno, but the school’s athletic pro- 
gram goes by the moniker Fresno State. 


CAL STATE FULLERTON 


Spy Dispatch: “Fullerton is the best 
girl-watching school in the Big West.” 

Hot Spots: Corl's Jr., for fost foad; The 
Pub, featuring live music from the likes 
of ex-Daor Ray Manzarek; and Brian’s 
(big-screen TVs and small tables make 


it o tough weekend ticket). 
"IF You Build It. . . .“: Ground was re- 
cently broken for о new sports complex. 
Coincidentally, actor Kevin Costner 
(who built his own ball park in Field of 
Dreams} attended Fullerton 

Keep on Winnin': Teams have cop- 
tured ten national titles in seven sports. 


CAL STATE LONG BEACH 


United Nations: CSULB enrolls stu- 
dents from more than 110 countries. 
Hot Spots: Weekdays, The Nugget, сп 
on-compus pub; weekends, ski slopes 
in the San Bernardino Mountains. 
Really Hot Spot: The upper Quad, о 
lush sculpture gorden, for tonning. 
Back on the Side Lines: After o lengthy 
absence, ex-Redskins and Roms coach 
Gearge Allen returns to football as top 
dog of the CSULB 49ers. 

The Dropouts: Director Steven Spiel- 
berg ond funnyman Steve Martin. 


Last April, NC State’s Lainie Fuller (above) drove off in а new VW Cabriolet when you 
named her Dream Girl of the A.C.C., and reader Susan Brewer of Loogootee, Indiana, 
won a VW Corrado. For infarmation on Playboy's Big West Sweepstakes, see facing page. 


NEW MEXICO STATE 


Hot Spots: The Sports Connection 
sports bar; the Triple R Dance Hall and 
Saloon. 

Slam Dunks and Scrums: The NMSU 
men’s basketball team (which made the 
1990 N.C.A.A. tourney) isn’t the only 
game in town: Check aut thot rough- 
ond-tumble rugby squad. 

St. Valentine’s Day Massacre: A con- 
dom giveaway slcted for the day when 
all the world’s in love—February 14th— 
was nixed by the administration. 


SAN JOSE STATE 


Kudos: To SJSU's Student Affiliation for 
Environmental Respect (SAFER), far bay 
cleanup. 

Hot Spots: The Cactus Club (kept on 
jammin’ ofter the 1989 quake); Ғ/Х 
{artsy dance in on old X-rated-mavie 
theater). 

Wonder Women: The SJSU women’s 
golf team (1989 М.С.А.А. chomp) and 
hard-hitting softboll team. 

Famous Faces: Among SJSU’s alumni: 
sports sociologist Dr. Harry Edwards; 
former San Francisco 49ers cooch Bill 
Walsh; farmer Olympic guru Peter Ue- 


berroth. 
UC IRVINE 


Rebels with а Cause: In ultraconserv- 
ative Orange County, UCI is a self- 
dubbed “bastion of individuality.“ 
Activists oppose nuclear proliferation, 
support goy rights and safe sex 

Sound of One Hand Clapping: Few 
jocks here. One student crocked, “You 
can hear crickets at basketball games.” 
Noogies: Each year, engineering stu- 
dents poke fun at themselves with “E 


Week.” Highlight: a nerd contest. 
That's the Ticket . . : Noted alums: 
Olympic diving champ Greg Lougonis, 
Saturday Night Live's John Lovitz. 


JC SANTA BARBARA 


Sun-Sereen U: UCSB is the only Big 
West school set right on the beach. 
Cool Kids on the Block: Most of 
UCSB's 18,000 students reside in Isla 
Vista, where rules prescribe bore feet 
and open doors. 

Slippin’ and Sli UCSB hosts on 
open house for prospective students, 
featuring a food fair ond “ooze ball” 
(volleyball ployed in six inches of mud). 
Flying Saucers: UCSB hos the Big 
West's most enthusiastic Frisbee tossers 


U OF NEVADA, LAS VEGAS 


High-Water Mark: UNLV men's bas- 
ketball team coptured the 1990 
М.С.АА. Chompionship with o record- 
breaking victory over Duke, 103-73. 
Hot Spots: Carlos Murphy’s, o restou- 
ront/bor; The Elephont Bar (the cover 
charge is peanuts]; Torkonion's, a 
sporis bor named after bosketboll 
cooch Jerry “Tark the Shork” Torkanion. 
Twinkle Toes: The Cincinnati Bengals‘ 
Ickey Woods, choreographer of the 
“Ickey Shuffle,” hails from UNLV, where 
he did not mojor in donce. 

No Yoke: The winner оҒа 1990 ega- 
eoling contest consumed 45 hard- 
boiled eggs in on hour. 


UNIVERSITY OF THE PACIFIC 


Sure Bets: Greek Week chariot races; 
Pacific Days International Food Fest. 
Hot Spots: Stockton Rocks, for live mu- 
sic; El Torito's, for Mexican fare. 

15% off the Top: A mojor major is 
entertainment manogement. Students 
hope to represent such fomous former 
UPers as Jamie Lee Curtis and her 
mom, Janet Leigh. 


ЛАН STATE UNIVERSITY 


Dry Spot: Utah Stote prohibits drinking 
on its campus. 

Wotch Your Back: The campus Student 
Activity Boord (STAB) hosts theme par- 
ties such os STAB in the Dork (all-night 
dancing ond movies) and STAB in the 
Sand (beach bash) 

Pucker Up: A true Aggie must kiss с girl 
under the full moon at midnight while 
standing on the A-shoped cement block 
in front of the Old Administration Build- 
ing. The tradition dotes bock 70 years. 
Great Grads: Fomous USU alums in- 
clude two-time astronaut Mary Cleave 
and former Rams star (and florist pitch- 
man) Merlin Olsen. —cowetED BY DAN CURRY 


PRESS THE RIGHT BUTTONS AND 
THE GIRL OF YOUR DREAMS WII 
WHISPERING IN YOUR EAR 


БИШ 
БШШ 


CALL HER TODAY! 


1-900-740-3636 


Playboy's Girls of the Big West share their secrets with you! 
Leove your own personal messages! 
Vote for your Dreom Girl and help her win а VW GTI! 
Call for c one-of-a-kind Girls of the Big West photo FREE! 


ENTER PLAYBOY'S BIG WEST SWEEPSTAKES* AND BE 
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AT PLAY, OR ONE OF 101 OTHER PRIZES!** 


же 


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Here are the two-digit personal codes for the Girls of the Big West. 


ТИКО, LUCANNE (CSU Long Ван), p. 128 21 HAYES. HEATHER (CSU Fullerton). 19 ЗОНООВЕМКАЕ (CSU Long Beach), р 135 


ТІ BEAULIEU, ALLYSON (SISU). p. 132 22 HAYES, KELLY (UCSB), p. 134 ‘SGMOSER, OANETTE (CSU Fresno), p. 130 

N2 BURKE, KAREN (CSU unn), p 1127 2390 DEVONA (UNI) p 135 ‘340 CONNOR, EHDGETIE (CSU esr) p 132 
13 COMBS, ANN ELIZABETH (UC), p 133 24 HUDAK, MARIANNE (UCSB), p. 126 35 POOLE, TONYA (SISU), р. 137 
CONNOLLY, GINGER (CSU Fresno), p. 134 75 ИМЕ, IDANNE (CSU Fullerton), p. 136 36 QUINTANA, CURA (АМА), p 131 

15 COIMIULE, AY NOEL (USU) p. 131 76 KASEEY, KRISTINA (KI) p. 129 ЗРВАНОН-КОНЕЈ ELSA НИЕ (UC, p 133 
16 CON, DEBBI LYNN (NASU) p. 128 77 KENAN, (МЕН (CSU Fullerton), p. 127 38 RUDDUPH, LAURA (UNI), p 136 

17 DAVIS, SONYA (USU), p. 132 2B LEE, AMY BETH (OU) p. 133 39 SETER, CHRISTEN (UNLV), p 178 
1808, TONI (CSU Long Beod)) p 136 29 LEVEN, LISA (ASU), p. 133 40 THORNTON, SHERI (Уни (UP, p. 133 
WENGEL В.) (UNLV), p 128 0 NCCORMICY, MORGAN (UP), p 134 41 WYNNE, UTHEEN(SISI p 135 
ЖОМ, MICHELLE (UO), p.133 ЗИМНА, TERRY SUE (UCI), p. 127 «ФСО, ONT (UC, p 133 


“THE BIG WEST CONFERENCE HAS NOT ENDORSED, SPONSORED OR APPROVED 
THIS SWEEPSTAKES OR THE OFFERED PRIZES AND IS NOT ASSOCIATED OR OTHER- 
WISE CONNECTED WITH THIS SWEEPSTAKES OR THE OFFERED PRIZES. 
MNO PURCHASE NECESSARY: To vole for your dream girl of the Big West ond ot the some time enter Ihe sweep- 
stokes, coll 1-900-740-3636 (cost of coll: two doliors per minute; averoge length of coll to enter sweepsiokes only 
one and a Кой minutes). ALTERNATELY, you may enter the sweepstakes only by hond-printing your nome ond od- 
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68009. Mai-in entnes must be received by midnight, 10/31/90. Collin entries must be completed Бу mdnghl, 
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Winners will be selected n rondom drowings from omong oll eligible entries submited, Sweepstotes open to res- 
‘dents ol Ihe United Stotes, oged ТВ or over оз of 10/31/90. All Federol, stole end local lows, regulations ond re- 
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139 


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MON АМ, 
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TR. 
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BAN 


BENS 
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VOLKSWAGEN СТІ. 
[Т JUST MIGHT BE THE RIDE OF YOUR LIFE. 


Here's the ticket. The 1991 СТІ. Take a seat, buckle up and get ready to ride. A 
gutsy 1.8 liter fuel-injected engine provides the punch. And a fully-synchronized, 
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PLAYBOY 


142 by the 49ers. Flori 


PIGSKIN PREVIEW 2 rom page 122) 


“By the end, FSU may have been the best team in the 
nation. Crunch time comes in October.” 


and backup Jake Kelchner was injured 
in spring practice. The running game is 
solid, with Rodney Culver at lullback 
and Ricky Watters at tailback. Tony 
Brooks, who missed last season because 
of disciplinary measures, is expected to 
return. The receivers, Playboy All-Amer- 
ica wide receiver Raghib Ismail and 
tight end Derek Brown, will benefit 
from a more pass-oriented attack, The 
defense should be even better this time 
around. Michael Stonebreaker, who was 
out last year after an auto accident and 
subsequent disciplinary problems, is 
back. Ditto defensive tackle George 
ms, lost in 1989 because of anemic 
grades. Nose tackle Chris Zorich, who 
bench-pressed 460 pounds this spring. 
and Playboy All-America defensive back 
Todd Lyght round out a very strong 
unit. The national championship. will 
likely be decided when ND meets Miami 
on October 20 at South Bend, though 
Michigan and Tennessee could also 
bend the Irish. 10-1 


3. COLORADO 


Loaded with talent and united by the 
death from cancer of quarterback Sal 
Aunese, Colorado had its dream of a 
perfect season shattered by Notre Dame 
last year in the Orange Bowl. The sea- 
son may have ended, but the dream 
didn't: The Buffaloes are again one of 
the most talented teams in the nation 
Quarterback Darian Hagan, who be- 
came the sixth player in N.C A.A. history 
to pass and rush for more than 1000 
yards each, is only a junior. Tailback 
Егіс Bieniemy has recovered from the 
Ба fibula that sidelined him for five 
mes last year. Guard Joe Garten and 
Playboy All-America tackle Mark Van- 
der Poel return to lead the offensive 
line. Outside linebackers Kanavis 
MeGhee and Playboy All-America Alfred 
Williams are tough against the run and 
pass. Colorado's nonconference sched- 
ule is brutal and the Buffaloes play 
Lincoln this year 11-1 


4. FLORIDA STATE 


Only eight starters return from a 10-2 
team, but don't expect any fall-off. The 
Seminoles have finished among the top 
three teams in the land three y ina 
row, and coach Bobby Bowden thinks 
this year's squad is at least as good as N 
ami, Notre Da nd Colorado. Cas 
Weldon, a red: junior, will step in at 
quarterback. And sophomore running 
back Amp Lee will take over the tailback 
spot vacated by Dexter Carter, drafted 
la State's biggest asset 


is speed, on both offense and defense. 
Bowden's challenge is to find replace- 
ments on the defensive line. The Semi- 
noles have stumbled out of the blocks 
the past two seasons; their only loss 
in 1988 came in their opener against Mi- 
ami (31-0), and they dropped their first 
two games last year. But by the end of 
both campaigns, FSU may have been the 
best team in the nation. Crunch time 
comes in October, when FSU meets Mi- 
ami and Auburn 10-1 


5. NEBRASKA 


Nebraska returns only two starters on 
offense, the lowest number in coach 
Tom Osborne's 17-year tenure. That 
doesn't mean that the Huskers won't roll 
up their usual big rushing nu 
Leodis Flowers—who averaged 
yards per carry as а backup last sea- 
son—and sophomore Scott Baldwin will 
operate behind an offensive line short 
on experience but long on talent. Junior 
quarterback Mike Grant, fully recovered 
rom a shoulder operation, should sta 
Up front on defense, Osborne will look 
to experienced second-teamers to plug 
some holes. The Huskers are very 
strong in the secondary, where Playboy 
All-America Reggie Cooper and three 
other starters return, Colorado and 
Oklahoma are the only teams on the 
schedule that have much chance against 
Nebraska. 10-1 


6. MICHIGAN 


Pity the poor fellows who follow in the 
footsteps of legends. Will we remember 
new Michigan coach Gary Moeller a few 
years from now or simply that Bo 
(Glenn Е. Schembechler) was simply too 
successful and too colorful to replace 
With a career record of 194-48-5, he put 
Big Ten titles back to back before hang- 
ing up his headphones for a job as presi 
dent of baseball's Detroit Tigers. Moeller 
may walk in a big shadow, but Sche 
bechler left him enough talent to bu lal 

s own winner. Moeller 
k job "belongs to 
less he loses it.” 
time last se 
went down w 
line, led by Playboy All 
Dean Dingman, returns intact. G 
number-one receiver will likely be 
Desmond Howard, a 59" sophomore. 
Tailback Tony Boles will probably be 
shifted to flanker because of a knee in- 
jury he suffered last year. But freshman 
Ricky Powers, one of the most recruited 
high school backs in the country, will be 
a superstar. Michigan's defense, the key 


to the Wolverines’ success, returns eight 
starters, including Playboy All-America 
Iripp Welborne. If he can find a way 
to slip past Notre Dame in the sea- 
son opener, Moeller can start his oum 
legend. 4-9 


7. VIRGINIA 


Last season, Virginia had the misfor 
tune of playing the nationally televised 
Kick-Off Classic against Notre Dame. 
The Cavaliers got their buus ki 
36-13. They closed the season in 
of another national audience, losing to 
Illinois in the Citrus Bowl. Between 
those games. coach George Welsh's Cavs 
played great football, capturing a share 
of their first-ever A.C.C. championship. 
Now, with an easier schedule, they 
figure to do even beuer. Quarterback 
Shawn Moore, the U.PI. choice for 
„СС. Offensive Player of the Year, re- 
turns. So do his two best receivers, 
Bruce McGonnigal and Herman Moore. 
Lack of depth at linebacker is a poten- 
tial hole on defense. Still, ай four de- 
fensive backs return, and Virginia faces 
is toughest АСС. opponents at 
home. 9-9 


в. AUBURN 


Pat Dye has another dynamic delense 
down at Auburn. Ei rters, includ- 
Playboy All-America David Rocker, 
turn from the nation's second-best de- 
fensive unit. If Dye can find someone to 
rterback Reggie Slack's 


The leading candidates 
Stan White, Corey Lewis and Frank 
McIntosh. Auburn's offensive line, led 
by Playboy All-America guard Ed King, 
is big, with four players in the 280-10- 
10-pound range. Running backs Stacy 
Danley and James Joseph will get a lot of 

in the first half of the season, while 
the quarterbacks gain experience. The 
schedule favors the Tigers, with key 
games against Tennessee and Florida 
State at home. 9-9 


9, HOUSTON 


Coach Jack Pardee has moved to the 
Houston Oilers. Heisman Trophy win- 
ner Andre Ware has rolled out to the 
N.EL. But the powerhouse that last year 
smashed N.C.A.A. records for average 
points per game (53.5) and total yards 
(6874) will keep rolling. The reason is 
new head coach John Jenkins, who was 
Pardee's offensive coordinator with the 
U.S.E.L.'s Houston Gamblers and New 
Jersey Gen before joining him in 
the same role at the University of Hous- 
ton. Jenkins’ trigger in the 
and-shoot will һе q eral 
nagler. Verlond Brown and 
All-America Manny Hazard give Klin- 
gler two of the best receiving targets in 
the nation. With defenses stretched. by 
Houston's wide-open passing attack, 


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PLAYBOY 


144 


running back Chuck Weatherspoon will 
again ring up amazing rushing totals. 
Weatherspoon set an N.C.A.A. record 
last year by averaging 9.6 yards per car- 
ry. Bur if Houston lives by the pass, it 
may die by it, All four starters in the зес- 
ondary are new this season. The sched- 
ule offers some hope—most of the 
Cougars’ early-season opponents have 
weak passing games. 9-9 


10. TENNESSEE 


Last seasons Volunteers. rebounded 
from a disappointing 1988 to tie Auburn 
and Alabama for the Southeastern Con- 
ference championship. They won the 
Cotton Bowl to сат а number-five na- 


tional ranking. This year’s team will rely 
on the same high-powered offense. Run- 
ning 
D 


ck Chuck Webb, last year” 
eshman of the Year, will геги: 
cent suspension fk 
duct. violations 

have a dynamic g 
an improving 


Webb, the Vols 

e to go with 
k. Junior quarter- 
s, as does wide 
receiver Carl Pickens, whom coach Ma- 
jors calls the best natural athlete he has 
coached. Pickens does double duty 
the Vols’ secondary, where he had five 
interceptions in five games—induding a 
game saver in the Cotton Bowl, The 
S.E.C. championship will probably Бе 
decided September 29, when the Vols 
play Auburn. 3 


att. 
back Andy Kelly retu 


nw 


Although Washington с Don 
James has a successful formula (more 
victories than any other Pac 10 coach in 
history). he's not averse to trying some- 
thing new. Last year, he experimented 
with a one-back offense and liked the re- 
sults so much he's repeating it this sca- 
son. With the graduation of quarterback 
Cary Conklin, | nointed Mark 


SHINGTON 


ach 


es has 


Brunell to run the show. The rushing at- 
tack revolves around senior tailback 
Greg Lewis, who had 1100 yards rushing 
last year. James admits there are big 
holes to fill on defense, particularly in 
the defensive-tackle spot vacated by 64", 
300-pound Dennis Brown, now a San 
Francisco 49er. One spot that shouldn't 
be vacant—but is—belonged to defen- 


sive back Eugene Burkhalter, who 
passed up his final year of eligibility for 
the атай. Unfortunately for 


Burkhalter, he was not selected and un- 
der current N А. rules cannot 
return to the Huskies. James thinks that 
be of its speed, this defense can 
still be one of his best. Five of his 11 
defensive starters run the 40 in 4.5 or 
better 8-3 


12. SYRACUSE 
With 29 victories in the past three 
years, Syracuse has firmly re-established 
itself as one of the football powers of the 
East. Coach Dick MacPherson has as- 
sembled an offense that will pile up 
some impressive numbers. Quarter! 
Mark McDonald is MacPherson’s start 
but backup Marvin Graves, whose skills 
are reminiscent of alum Don McPhe 
son's, will see lots of playing time. The 
Orangemen have a banner group of re 
ceivers, led by Qadry Ismail, a threat to 
score every time he touches the ball. 
MacPhe 
f 


m's biggest concern is the de- 
с. particularly at linebacker, wh 

Terry Wooden and David Bavaro werc 
lost. The Orangemen play а tough 
schedule, with only two of their Tast 
cight games at home 9-3 


13. OHIO STATE 


ion of time before coach 
John Cooper returned Ohio State to the 
top echelon of the Big Ten and national 
standings. After just two Cooper years, 


It was a que: 


the Buckeyes have arrived. Greg Frey, 
who led the conference іп passing 
efficiency last year, returns for his senior 
season. Flanker Jeff Graham may be the 
best receiver Ohio State has ever had 
The Buckeyes have a problem at tail- 
back, where Carlos Snow was projected 
as the starter. Snow had off-season knee 
surgery and was healing satisfactorily 
until a malignant tumor was discovered 
оп his hip. The tumor ha 

moved, but his football career is on hold. 
Either redshirt freshman Raymont Ha 
ris or sophomore Dante Lee will start a 
tailback and Scottie Graham at fullback 
On defense, Playboy All-America Alonzo 
Spellman has been switched from linc- 
backer to down lineman. И Cooper finds 
a successful replacement for Snow, the 
Buckeyes can give Michigan a run for 


is been г 


the Big Ten title, 8-3 
14. BRIGHAM YOUNG 

After a three-year hiatus, Brigham 

Young last season regained its ac- 


customed position atop the Western 
Athletic Conference. Quarterback Ty 
Detmer—a junior who threw tor 4560 
yards and 32 touchdowns last year— 
proved he was a worthy successor to 
Steve Young, Jim McMahon and Robbie 
Bosco, all N.C record setters. Det- 
mer's primary receivers are tight end 
Chris Smith (60 catches last season) and 
running back Mau Bellini. BYU's only 
loss from last season's oflense is Outland 
Trophy-winning guard Mohammed 
Elewonibi, who has moved on to the 
N.EL. While the Cougars have enough 
offensive juice to make a run at a nation- 
al championship, their pass defense is 
pect. It surrendered an average of 
267 yards per game in 1989. BYU's 
son finale in the Holiday Bowl against 
Penn State demonstrated the problem: 
The offense rang up 39 points, only to 
have the defense give up 50. 9-3 


15, CLEMSON 


Ford resigned and was replaced by 
squeaky-clean Ken Hatfield, formerly of 
as. The decision paid off. with 
Clemson getting a one-year slap-on-the- 
wrist probation that left the Tigers eligi- 
ble for TV and bowl appeara 
Hatfield and Clemson are both familiar 
with winning on the football field, In the 
past four seasons. Clemson has posted 
38 wins, the same number of victories 
Hatheld enjoyed with the Razorbacks 
over the same period. “We'll have the 
same hard-nosed approach that Cler 
son has ny years,” promises 
Hatfield. The Tigers will not, however. 
have much experience in the backfield. 
leading rusher, Joe Henderson. 
ed and Terry Allen opted fe 
EL draft. The starting quarte 
will be DeChane Cameron, who 


Theii 


SURGEON GENERAL'S WARNING: Cigarette 
Smoke Contains Carbon Monoxide. 


PLAYBOY 


146 


saw limited action іп 1989. The Tigers’ 
defense, however, is solid, with nine 
starters returning. 83 


16. ARIZONA 


By the tenth game of last season, А 
zona had lost 14 starters to injury, illness 
nd disciplinary action, “All we could do 
was establish a "Who's next? attitude," 
says coach Dick Tomey. “But now our 
guys expect someone to step in, no mat- 
ter who goes down.” Next at quarteı 
back for the Wildcats will probably be 
George Malauulu, who took over the job 
last October and led the Pac 10 in p 
ing efficiency until he got hurt. Tomey 
has talent and depth at running 1 
where Reggie McGill, Art Greathouse 
and Mario Hampton should all see play- 
ing time. The Wildcats have led the 
Рас 10 in rushing in each of Tomey’ 
three seasons as head coach. Defensively, 
Arizona puts good pressure on quarter- 
backs but has been vulnerable to the 
run. Unlike some Pac 10 teams, the 


Wildcats must play all nine opponents, 
which makes а Rose Bowl appearance 
8-3 


unlikely. 


17. OKLAHOMA 


Last year, new Oklahoma cc 
Gibbs had to weather the transi 
the good old days of Barry Switz- 
er—which left the program on N.C.A.A. 
ries that 
caused ten slarters to ти least one 
game. Considering that Gibbs inherited 
a lesser OU team, his 7-4 performance 
wasn't bad. The biggest question Гог 
the Sooners is whether running back 
Mike Gaddis will be fully recovered from 
the blown knee he suflered last year 
against Texas. Gaddis had 829 rushing 
yards in only five and a half games be- 
lore geting hurt. Recognizing (hat na- 
tional championships can no longer be 
won merely by rushing, Gibbs promises 
to put more emphasis оп passing. Two 
sterling sophomores, unrelated but both 
named Collins—Steve and Tink—will 
share quartet ing duties. Gibbs ез 
pects big things from his eight returning 
defensive starters, led by tackle Scott 
Evans. 8- 


18, ARKANSAS 


When asked about the Ra 
chances, new Arkansas c 
Crowe said, "Probably the biggest ques- 
tion us about this season is the 
coach." The humble Crowe bad been 
Ше Razorbacks’ offensive. coordinator 
under Ken Hatfield, now at Clemson 
And while Arkansas has lost several of- 
fensive starters to gr; i 
elieved that quarter 
will return. Grovey's prime target wi 
Russell, who aver 
16.7 yards a catch last season. Defensive- 
ly, the biggest question is outside 
linebacker, where Ken Benson is the on- 


ly experienced returnee. This Arkansas 
team will not be as skilled or as deep as 
last year's version but should still crack 
the top 20. 8-3 


19, ILLINOIS 


The Fighting Illini were poised to 
make a run at a national championship 
until quarterback Jeff George decided to 
pass up his senior year to become a mil- 
re throwing for his hometown In- 
polis Colts. Coach John Mackovic, 
named conference coach of the year 
each of his first two seasons, has four of 
five starters back on the offensive line, 
I good ground game that features 
fullback Howard Griffith and running 
backs Wagner Lester and Steve Feagin. 
He also has one of the strongest defenses 
in the nation, Playboy All-America Moe 
Gardner plays between Sean Streeter 
nd All-Big Ten tackle Mel Agee. Anoth- 
er Playboy All-America, linebacker Da 
rick Brownlow, is the team’s leading 
tackler. Henry Jones at the corner and 
Marlon Primous at safety are both out- 
standing. But the quarterbacking— 
sophomore Jason Verduzco replaces 
George—will almost certainly haunt the 
Mini. Opening games with Arizona and 
Colorado will gi 
under fire, 


ive Verduzco his baptism 
7-4 


20. TEXAS ARM 


While the / 
starters from last yea 
mond Webb—the first ollensive 
chosen in the N.FL. dralt—and 
linebacker Aaron Wallace will be 
difficult to replace. Coach R. C. Slocum 
is hoping for a big year from running 
back Darren Lewis, the nation’s second 
leading ground gainer in 1988, who 
slumped last season due to injuries. 


Lance Pavlas is expected to start at quar- 
terback, though Bucky Richardson, who 
runs the option well, will get some min- 
ше 


On defense, Slocum is high оп 
Quentin Coryatt, who, with re- 
g starters William Thomas and 
Anthony Williams, gives the Aggies a sol- 
id linebacking corps. Some young play- 
rs, part of a recruiting class thought by 
some lo be the best in the S.W.C., may 
get to play. The Aggies road slate— 
Hawaii, LSU, Houston, Arkansas and 
Texas—is tough. BA 


. 
Other teams that have a chance to 
crack the top 20: 


FRESNO STATE, 


Coach Jim Sweeney has been busy 
building à minidynasty in Fresno. The 
Bulldogs were 10-9 in 1988, 11-1 
last season and boast a 47-10-1 record 
ince 1985. And despite the early depar- 
ture of linebacker Ron Cox to the pros 

State is odds-on to sweep to an- 
other Big West championship this sea- 
son. Junior quarterback Mark Barsotti, 


213 as a starter, balances Ше pass 
against the rush with a surgeon's skill. 
Iailback Aaron Craver is the hfch-lead- 
g returning rusher in the nation, with 
1313 yards. Steve Lee, a transler from 
Oklahoma, replaces Cox at linebacker 
As usual, Sweeney has recruited heavily 
from California's junior colleges. The 
Bulldogs’ only formidable nonconfer- 
ence opponent is Northern Illinois on 
October sixth. 10-1 


NORTHERN ILLINOIS 


The Huskies might be the best col- 
lege football team you never heard of. 
In 1989, they put together a 9-9 record, 
they battled Nebraska to a 17-17 half- 
time Че before succumbing 48-17 and 
they were snubbed by the bowls. Coach 
Jerry Pettibone wants “a bowl, any kind 
of a bowl” this year. With Stacey Robin- 
son, the Huskies’ wishbone wonder, plus 
52 more returning leuermen, Peuibone 
may get his wish. Of Robinson, he says, 
“Oklahoma would die, even kill, for 
Stacey Robinson. He's that good а wish- 
bone quarterback.” Fullback Adam Dach 
and center Егіс Wenckowski are other 
standouts in the Huskies’ high-powered 
offense. 9-2 


HAWAI 


We haven't read Hawaii coach Bob 
Wagner's article “The Personal Touch in 
Recruiting,” but chances are, he doesn't 
mention that palm trees, beautiful 
beaches and plenty of wahines are valu- 
able tools not only in recruiting football 
players but in persuading opponents 
to play on Hawaii's home turf. How- 
there's more to Wagner's succ 
(93-13-1 in three years) than the advan- 
tages of paradise. On Saturday evenings 
in the fall around Aloha Stadium, the 
strains of Tiny Bubbles are interrupted by 
the sound of Hawaii's defense—sixth 


best in the nation against the rush— 
cracking helmets with opponents. 
best helmet cracker is linebacker 

Odom 


The 
Mark 
On ойсизс, the Rainbows are 
мед. Even so, quarterback 
riel set а school record for pass- 
епсу last season. 9-3 


GEORGIA TECH 


After closing out last season with sev- 
en wins in its final eight games, Geor- 
gia Tech could sneak up on favorites 
Virginia and Clemson in the АСС. 
Quarterback Shawn Jones, who threw 
for 1748 yards last season, is only а 
sophomore. Coach Bobby Ross's biggest 
problem is finding someone to fill the 
cleats of running back Jerry Mays, who 
led the A.C.C. last season with 1349 
yards. Т. J. Edwards and William Bell 
are the leading candidates. The Yellow 
Jackets’ best defender is Ken Swilling, 
who at 6'3" and 230 pounds is the bi 
gest free safety in the nation. 8-3 


LOUISVILLE 


Cardinal coach 
berger is an opi 
collision course 
pionship. The only variable is time.” But 
while Louisville is improving, that colli- 
is still quite a distance down the 
1, The strength of this year’s team is 
defense, and the strongest part of that 
defense is linebacker Mark 
other standout among the ten 
defensive starters is end Mike Но 
offense, Browning Nagle, who has a 
good arm but lacks the speed to elude 
the rush, handles the ps. Louisville 
should improve over last season's 6-5 
mark, thanks to an casier schedule. 8-3 


ALABAMA 


How do you n ге SUCCESS а 
na? Bill Curry coached the 
Tide to а 10-2 record but was рру 
enough to accepta job at Kentucky. Cu 
ry never played for Bear 
Tuscaloosa, one strike and you're out. 
The new coach, Gene Stallings, did play 
for the Bear. In fact, he was one of the 
Junction Boys, the players who survived 
Bryants infamous tra in 
Junction, ‘Texas, when the Bear took 
over as coach at Texas A&M. Stallings, 
most recently head coach of the pros’ 
Phoenix Cardinals, inherits a ` 
team long on offense and very sha 
defense. Quarterback Gary Hollings- 

s back for his senior season alter 
.C. outing last year. Running 
back Siran Stacy and wide receiver La- 
monde Russell were also all-conference. 
Last year’s Alabama defense was erratic. 
The lack of depth on defense, evident 
in the fourth quarter 
games last season, 
again. 


PENN STATE 


No, you didn’t eat some bad oysters 
the other night. It’s no nightmare. Penn 
State is joining the Big Ten. Make that 
n the mid-Nineties, when the 
art playing football with 
the rest of the conference. What сап Joe 
Paterno be thinking? We all know that 
the Big Ten is a Midwest conference and 
that Penn State is in the East. Does he 
harbor a secret grudge against North- 
western and sees this as a way to settle 
the score? But if Joe doesn't know geog- 

phy, he knows football. After 41 years 
with the Nittany Lions, 24 as h 
coach, he should know football. He 
knows he solid team this year but 
worries that “we're so young on both 
sides of the ball.” Tailback Blair Thomas 
and linebacker Andre Collins of 
1 club have gone to the pros 
and will be tough to replace. Paterno 
will rely on quarterback Tony Sacca and 
running back Leroy Thompson on of 
fense. The defense returns seven 
starters and you can be sure that Pater- 


no has a few 
linebackers in the wings. 


more Nittany-quality 
7-4 


M 


HIGAN STATE 


Hard-nosed defense is a trademark of 
George Perles teams, Last season was no 
exception, as his Spartans led the Big 
Ten in scoring defense. However, with 
seven starters—ineluding middle li 
backer Percy Snow—not returni 
MSU's offense will have to as 
the Spartans are to match last season's 
84 record. Senior Dan Enos, who threw 
for more than 2000 yards and nine 
touchdowns, is back. He'll look for Play- 

› ica wide receiver Courtney 
Hawkins and senior James Bradley. Tico 
Duckett, who gained 1 ds against 
Iowa in his only start last season, re- 
places Blake Ezor at tailback. Since Per- 
les plays a lot of people on defense, most 
of this yea ers will already have 


Jenkins and Dixon Edwards 
the outside linebacking ро 


kes over Snow's spot in 


the middle. 7A 


WEST VIRGINIA 


vis had realized that his 
only choices in football would be the 
L.A. Raiders’ practice squad or Canada, 
he might have stuck around lor his final 
year with the Mountaineers. Certainly, 
coach Don Nehlen would have liked to 
keep the Major, but he thinks he has a 
good quarterback in Greg Jones, whose 
arm he dese 5 “the best ever 


If Major H 


squad has more enthusiasm than he has 
in years. The pivots of his defense 
ebackers Steve Grant and Theron 
The Mountaineers may be hi 
but they are also young. 


PITTSBURGH 


New coach Paul Hackett is a guru of 
quarterbacks. Joe Montan 
White, Brian Sipe and Steve Bartkowski 
are just some of the Q.B.s he has helped 


Е “Now, if you two feel you might engage Д 
in some sexual shenanigans on your way home, we'll 
gladly supply a designated driver.” 


147 


REST OF THE BEST 


QUARTERBACKS: Paul Justin (Arizona State), Darian Hagan (Colorado), Ty Detmer 
(Brigham Young), Todd Marinavich (Southern Cal), Bill Musgrove (Oregon), Shawn 
Moore (Virginia), Don McGwire (San Diego State), Gory Hollingsworth (Alobome), Alex 
Von Pelt (Pittsburgh), Stacey Robinson (Northern Illinois), Greg Frey (Ohio State), 
Howard Gasser (Texas-El Paso) 

RUNNING BACKS: Chuck Weatherspoon (Houston), Eric Bieniemy (Colorado), Darren 
Lewis (Texas A&M), Chuck Webb (Tennessee), Curvin Richards (Pittsburgh), Harvey 
Williams (Louisiana State), Matt Bellini (Brigham Young), Ricky Ervins (Southern Cal), 
Randy Baldwin (Mississippi), Tany Alford (Colorada State), Bab Christian (Northwestern), 
Sheldon Canley (San Jase State), Aaron Craver (Fresno State) 

RECEIVERS: Hermon Moore (Virginio), Wesley Сотой (Miami), Carl Pickens (Ten- 
nessee), Jeff Groham (Ohio State), Derek Brown (Notre Dame), Lawrence Dawsey 
(Florida State), Lomande Russell (Alobomo), Eric Henley (Rice), Michael Smith (Kansas 
State), Richord Buchanan (Narthwestern), Maurice Wilson (Oregon State), Chris Smith 
(Brigham Young), Mike Geraux (Brown), Rick Isaiah (Toledo), Sean Foster (Col Stote 
Long Beach), Bruce McGonnigal (Virginia), Mark Chmura (Boston College), Ed McCof- 
frey (Stanford) 

OFFENSIVE LINEMEN: Joe Garten (Colorado), Mark Tucker (Southern Cal), Mike Sul- 
Ivan (Miami), Greg Skrepenak (Michigan), Eric Moten (Michigan State), Stacy Long 
(Clemson), Darryl Jenkins (Georgia Tech), Terrill Chatman, Roger Shultz (Alabamo), 
Mike Sullivan (Texas Christian), Curtis Loveloce (Illinois), Dale Wolfley (West Virginia), 
Darren Shoulders (Tulane), Ricky Byrd (Mississippi State), Bob Whitfield (Stonford), Jae 
Valerio (Pennsylvania) 

DEFENSIVE LINEMEN: Chris Zorich (Notre Dame), Mel Agee (illinois), Scott Evans 
(Oklahoma), Mitch Donchue (Wyoming), Santana Datsan (Baylor), Esera Tuoolo (Ore- 
gon State), Shane Collins (Arizono State), Jim Johnson (lowe), Kenyatta Rush (Temple), 
Joel Dickson (California), Eric Schaller (Colorado State), Eric Poderys (Pennsylvania), 
Kelvin Pritchett (Mississippi), Mike Flores (Louisville), John Bell (New Mexico), Roosevelt 
Collins (Texos Christian) 

LINEBACKERS: Kanovis McGhee (Colarada), Maurice Crum (Miami), Michael Stone- 
breaker (Notre Dame), Mark Sander (Louisville), Levan Kirkland, Doug Brewster (Clem- 
son), Darrin Trieb (Purdue), Mark Odom (Hawaii), Scatt Ross (Southern Cal), Theron 
Ellis, Steve Grant (West Virginio), Charles Rowe (Texas Tech), Dwight Hollier (North Car- 
olina), William Thomas (Texas A&M), Morris Lewis (Georgia), Carlos Jenkins (Michigan 
State), Reggie Stewart (Mississippi State), Robert Jones (Eost Caroline), Pepper Jenkins 
(Col Stare Long Beach), Mike Croel (Nebraska), Kirk Carruthers (Florida State), Jay Lee 
(Pennsylvania) 

DEFENSIVE BACKS: Ken Swilling (Georgia Tech), Jesse Campbell, Fernandus Vinson 
(North Carolina State), Louis Riddick (Pittsburgh), Richard Fain (Florido), Marlon Pri- 
mous, Henry Jones (Illinois), Mike Dumas (Indiana), Eric Turner (UCLA), Robert O'Neal 
(Clemson), Sammy Walker (Texas Tech), Kevin Smith (Texas A&M), Bab Novarro (Eastern 
Michigar), Darrell Whitmore (West Virginia), Leon Patterson (Cal State Long Beach) 
PLACE KICKERS: Cary Blanchard (Oklahoma State), Collin Mackie (South Carolina), 
Jeff Shudok (lowa State), Philip Doyle (Alabamo), Robbie Keen (California), John Ivanic 
(Northern Illinois), Chris Gardacki (Clemson), Carlas Huerta (Miami), Jason Elam 


PUNTERS: Robbie Keen (California), Greg Hertzag (West Virginia), Cris Shale (Bowling 
Green State) 


ANSON MOUNT SCHOLAR/ATHLETE 


The Anson Mount Scholor/Athlete Award recognizes achievement in the classroom 
as well as on the football field. Nominated by their universities, condidates are judged 
by the editors of Playbay on their collegiate scholastic and athletic cccomplishments. 
The winner attends Ploybay's pre-season All-America Weekend—held this year at the 
Sheraton Bol Harbour Hotel in Bal Harbour, Florida—receives a bronzed commemo- 
tative medallion and is included in our All-America team photograph. In addition, 
Playboy awards $5000 to the general scholarship fund of the winner's university. 

This year's Anson Mount Scholar/Athlete is Chris Howard of the Air Force Academy. 
Howard, а starting running back in the Falcons’ high-powered wishbone offense, av- 
eroged more than four yords per carry last season. Не has an over-all grade-point av- 
erage of 3.7, has made the superintendent's list for three years and carries а 
military-performance average of 3.5—a mark military personnel at the academy say is 
“almost unheard of." Howard's major is political science, but his ambition is to fly. 

Honorable mention: Pot Jackson (Bowling Green State), Smith W. Holland (Kansas), 
Donzel Leggett (Purdue), Tim Luke (Colorado State), Mike Welch (Baylor), Greg Lahr 
(Kentucky), Toby Heaton (Michigan State), James Jones (Oregon State), Darin Kehler 
(Yale), Donald Holles (Rice), Stefen Scotion (Georgia Tech), Kyle Stroh (Cincinnati), 
Tony Robertson (Mississippi State), Frank Schenk (Navy), Pat Aragon (Pacific), Mike 
Hopkins (Illinois), Bill Musgrave (Oregon), Todd Sandroni (Mississippi), Keith Arnold 
(East Carolina), Lance Pavlas (Texas A&M), Dave Roberts (Florida State). 


develop. Last year, as offensive coordi- 
nator and quarterback coach under 
Mike Gottfried, Hackett tutored the 
Panthers’ latest Q.B. phenomenon, Alex 
Van Pelt. Van Pelt, who broke Dan 
Marino's single-season passing mark 
with 2881 yards, is back for his sopho- 
more year and Hackett has succeeded 
Gottfried. Van Pelt is not the Panthers? 
only offensive weapon: Running back 
Curvin Richards is coming off I 
back 1000-yard seasons. But Ha 
thinks Pitt's strength will be its defense, 
led Бу sei safety Louis Riddick. The 
schedule is daunting, as usual, with four 
opponents who finished in last ye 
top 95 


SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA. 


According to one USC assistant coach, 
“If anyone wants to get us, this is the 
year to do it—because we're going to be 
a bitch in the next few years.” The 
biggest reason the Trojans are vulnera- 
ble is the departures to the N.EL. of 
Mark Carrier, winner of the Thorpe 
Award as the best defensive back in the 
nation, and of linebacker Junior Scau. 
The good news for Trojans fans is that 
quarterback Todd М. ovich, forced 
into а starting role when Pat O'Hara 
went down with a pre-season injury 
year, is only a sophomore. Marinovicl 
was All-Pac 10 as a freshman when he 
seta U ngle-season completion-per- 
centage record. The defense returns on- 
ly tour starters. Coach Larry Smith, who 
has won Pac 10 titles in each of his three 
years, believes that "young teams either 
catch fire early or off to a bad start 
and never recover th and his team 
will be severely tested, since their sched- 
ule opens with Syracuse, Penn State, 
Washington and Ohio * 7-5 


WYOMING 


After winning W.A.C. titles and mak- 
ing bowl appearances the previous two 
years, Wyoming slipped to a disappoint- 
ing 5-6 in 1989. Coach 1 Roach at- 
tributes the Cowboys’ showing to 
inexperience. “We made too many er- 
rors on both sides of the footb; 


he 
ys. With Tom Corontzos bac quar- 
terback—the first time in four s that 


Roach has a starting О.В. returning—he 
expects the offense to improve on fun- 
damentals. Just in case, he has simplified 
the offense somewhat, though the Cow- 
boys will stick with their wide-open pro- 
set style of play. Wyoming's biggest 
s is at running back, where all 
six 1989 players are gone. Defensive end 
Mitch Donahue, W.A.C. Defensive Play- 
er of the Year last season, returns for his 
senior campaign. 7-5 


CAL STATE LONG BEACH 


The best story in college football this 
season is the return of -old 
George Allen, the one-time head coach 


Hubcap king Mike Burcz 
turns chrome into gold. 


He also prefers 
Christian Brothers Brandy. 


Mike Burcz, former hot dog vendor. 
Owner, Hubcap Heaven, 
Philadelphia, PA 


Christi Brothers. | 


en When you know better. 


PLAYBOY 


150 


of the Los Angeles Rams and the Wash- 
ingion Redskins. Allen, who cut his 
coaching teeth assistant to George 
Halas with the Chicago Bears, retired 
from football in 1984 to become chair- 
man of the Presidents Council on Physi- 
cal Fitness and Sports. Last year, he got a 
call from Leon “Shorty” Shortenhaus, 
associate director of admissions at tiny 
Morningside College in Iowa. Shor 


ned the 1948 Mor 
len 


side gr 
сой to help 
ae сай its Бате lasing 
streak. Allen gave pep talks and drew Xs 
and Os on a blackboard for two weeks 
you guessed it—Morningside won 
me and Allen was bitten by the 
. The septua- 
ger h has devised a 4-3 
defensive scheme for the 49ers and re- 
ed the junior colleges heavily for 
ive linemen. The quarterbacking 
ely fall to UCLA transfer Bobby 
San Jose, whose name will cause confu- 
sion’ when Long Beach San Jose 
State in October. 65 


EAST INDEPENDENTS 


Syracuse 
Pittsburgh 
West Virginia 
Penn State. . 
Army... 
Мау... 
Boston College. 
Hutgers..... 
Temple... 


Alter the football powerhouses of Syro- 
cuse, Pittsburgh, West Virginia and Penn 
Stote, Army emerges as the East's most 


to perfection in a wishbone ollense that 
has put them in the nation’s top five in 
rushing. every season since 1954. The 
wishbone is Playboy All- 
America Mike Mayweather. The Cadets 
are also deep at the essential qu: 
back position, with Bryan McWilliams 
e McMillian. Army's defensive 
depth, howe suspect. Navy should 
equal Army's win total, ag: и 
schedule. The Mids! 
quarterback Alton Grizzard, а three- 
ter, First-y coach George 
пр will try to improve a porous 
y defense. Boston College, once a 
20 contender, has fallen 
[he Eagles, coached by 
shed a disappointing 
Linebacker Matt Kelley 


on hard times, 
Jack Bicknell, 
2-9 last season 


on 


IVY LEAGUE 
Yale 
Harvard 
Princeton, 
Dartmouth 
Pennsylvania. 
Brown 
Cornell. 
Columbia. 


In college football, the art of winning 


is sometimes handed down, die way 
grandmothers pass along their recipes 
to favorite granddaughters. Yole coach 


Carmine Cozza got his recipes from 
grandmas Ara Parseghian and Woody 
Hayes when he played for them at Mi- 


“IPs not that 1 don't trust you, Kevin, 1 just 
don't trust the women who've been with the men who've been 
with the women who've been with the men who've 
been with the women you've been with.” 


ami of Ohio in the Fifties. One hundred 
and filty w nd ten Ivy League titles 
later, it's d n 
ten any ingredi 
he's cooking up another potent stew 
Q n Kehler, who with 
1773 total yard A the third best off 
sive scason ever by a Yale player. is back 
for his senior year. A full complement of 
running backs also т s, as does the 
better part of the offensive line. The Elis 
defense looks solid, with the pos 
ception of the which was hit 
hard by graduation. Harvard, of course, 
won't give in to Yale without a fight. On- 
ly six starters remain from last season's 
5-5 squad, but coach Joe Restic’s 
tiflex offense will take some pressi 
а yet-to-be-anointed quarterback. Prince- 
fon may pass the ball more often now 
that running back Judd 
graduated, Quarterback Joel Sharp 
diminutive (597), but he runs and passes 
well. One of the players he'll throw to 
is Matt Tarkenton, son of Minnesota 
Vikings great Fran. Dortmouth came on 
strong at the end of last season. winning 


ible ex 


seconda 


its last four то finish the Big 
Green's defense boasts eight veteran 
starters, including nose guard Pete 


cker Rich Joyce. 
dominated the Ivy League 
during much of the 
the conference crown six umes, but last 
season, under new coach Gary Steele, 
the Quakers managed only four wins. 
Offensive guard Joe Valerio, and 
pounds, is a legitimate pro prospect. 
New Brown coach Mickey Kwiatkowski 
says, “The Ivy is the most ba 
league in America, with the dille 
between the top and bottom teams often 
imperceptible.” Kwiatkowski has per- 
ceptibly the best receiver in the confer 
e in Mike Gerou 


SOUTHEASTERN CONFERENCE 
Auburn -92 
Tennessee. 93 
Alabama 7-4 
Louisiana State. 46.14 
Florida ..6-5 
Mississippi 6-5 
Georgia. . 65 
Kentucky. 6-5 
Mississippi State 5-6 
Vanderbilt . . 2-9 


Auburn and Tennessee will battle for 
the conference championship while Al- 
abama plays bridesmaid. Louisiono State 
will try to rebound from a disappointing 
4-7 season. Since Tommy Hodson, а 
four-year fixture at quarterback, has 
moved on to the N LSU coach 
Mike Archer will lil emphasize the 
run—both because Hodson’s potential 
replacements lack experience and be- 
cause tailback Harvey Williams can carry 
the mail. Defensively, the Tigers lost 


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three of four linebackers but have some 
promising youngsters, notably Roovel- 
roe Swan. Ex-Duke coach Steve Spurri- 
ет, who takes over at Florida this season, 
is one of the best offensive coaches 
ke a star of one of 


surprise that Florida running b: 
mitt Smith decided to forgo his 
year of eligibility to join the pros. 


Spurrier will switch the Gators from a 
3-4 10 а 4-4 defense. Playboy All-Amer- 
ica Huey Richardson, who played 


linebacker last year, will switch to down 
lineman. The Gators have lots of adjust- 
ing to do while facing one of the tough- 
est schedules in the nation. Mississippi 
coach Billy Brewer will start sophomore 
quarterback Russ Shows, used primarily 
in short-yardage situations last 
The Rebels, who finished last in 
eastern Conference defense last season, 
will not improve much, icularly 
since AIL-S.E.C. safety Todd Sandr 
effectiveness is questionable after knee 
surgery. Georgio will feel the loss of run- 
ning back Rodney Hampton, another of 
those who left а year early for the pros 
Coach Ray Goff will look to fresh 
fill the vacancy. With the Bulldogs 
ing game a question, quarterback Greg 
Talley will do more passing. Сой de- 
fense is young and probably a year away 
from gelling. At Kentucky, coach Bill € 

ry will find less football talent but more 
friendly faces than he encountered at AL 
e coordinator Tommy 
Bowden, son of Florida State coach Bob- 
by, prefers to pass first, then run. Qua 
terback Freddie Maggard, who had 1515 
yards passing last s should roll up 
even bigger numbers 


ATLANTIC COAST CONFERENCE 
Virginia 
Clemson 
Georgia Tech. . 
North Carolina State 
Duke ... 
Maryland. 
North Carolina 


ence crown among Virginio, Clemson and 
Georgia Tech, with the Cavaliers likely to 
come out on top. North Carolina State, 
7-5 last year, has to replace quarterback 
Shane Montgomery, who owns most of 
the Wolfpack's passing records, and de- 
fensive tackle Ray Agnew, voted by 


er of the Ye 
of the league wo defense is 
back, including strong safety (е 
Campbell. Duke had a great 8-4 season 
last year, good enough to get coach 
Steve Spurrier that head-coaching job at 
his alr ater, Но Spurrier's assist- 
ant Barry Wilson, who gets the unenvi- 
able job of replacing an offensive 


coaching genius, has two good quarter- 
ck candidates in Dave Brown and 
Billy Ray, plus some decent receivers— 
though none as good as graduated Play- 
boy All-America Clarkston Hines. Randy 
Cuthbert is а good-enough running 
k to make the Blue Devils consider 
rushing more often than in the past. In 
his three years with the Terrapins, coach 
зе Krivak has yet to get Maryland on the 
ight side of .500. With only two offen- 
уе starters returning and tough non- 
conference games against Michigan and 
West Virginia ahead, Krivak's chances of 
success still appear slim to none. North 
Caroline, which suffered through 
five losing seasons in six years, is in for 
another rough go of it, despite strong 
recruiting efforts by coach Mack Brown. 


SOUTH INDEPENDENTS 
Mmi ec сноси 11-0 
Florida State .. 104 
South Carolina. 65 
Virginia Tech 65 
Southern Mississippi 65 
East Carolina 6-5 
Tulane ....... E 
Memphis State 47 


Miami and Florido State are the only 
South Independents that will wind up in 
the top 20 this season. South Carolina 
coach Sparky Woods has to replace 
quarterback Todd Ellis, а four-year 
fixture. Woods may favor junior Bobby 
Fuller, a transfer from Appalachian 
State, where Woods coached two years 
ago, The mainstay of South Carolina’ 
defense is linebacker Patrick Hinton, 
who led the m with 108 tackles 
іп 1989. Kicker Collin Mackie and 
punter Daren Parker are one of the be 
kicking tandems in the nation. Last s 
son, Vi Tech lost four starteı 
academic problems and its starting quar- 
terback and tailback to injuries and sull 
managed a 6-4-1 record, with upset 
road wins over West Virginia and North 
Carolina State. Offensively, the Hokies 
should be better this Seven starter 
including quarterback Will 
turn, However, their new defensive unit 
lacks the experience that provided the 
glue for last year's team. Southern Missis- 
sippi should have quit alter its first 1989 
game; the Golden Eagles traveled to 
Jacksonville and upset national power 
ida State. After that promising 
beginning, coach Curley Hallmans 
charges dropped four straight and 
finished 5-6. The Eagles 1990 version 
will agam feature qu 
Favre at the helm. A three-year starter, 
Favre already holds most USM offensive 
records. USM also has a talented defen- 
sive secondary, but there are holes at 
linebacker and in the defensive line. 

. 

Michigan is the favorite to take the Big 

Ten crown this year, but don't be sur- 


to 


prised if Ohio Stote is there at the end. 
Illinois comes up short because Jett 
George defected to the N.EL. Michigan 
State doesn't have enough offensive fire- 
power to challenge. Hayden Fry is the 
winningest coach m lowa history (82-16- 


BIG TEN 
Michigan 
Ohio State 
Minois 
Michigan State 
lowa 
Wisconsin. 
Indiana 
Minnesota 
Purdue 
Northwestern 


4), but the victories have been harder to 
come by in the past couple of years. 1. 
year, at 5-6, the Hawkeyes suffered their 
st losing season since 1980; they m 
need a little luck to fall on the right side 
of 500 this year, As usual, Fry has a com- 
petent quarterback. Matt Rodgers, only 
a junior, passed for more than 2000 
yards last season. Iowa's running backs 
are good if not spectacular. However, its 
passing attack lacks a deep threat, with 
Danan Hughes the only experienced re- 
ceiver. Last season's defense, which al- 
lowed opponents an average of 25.3 
points per game, will have to Ind а re- 
placement for linebacker Brad Quast. 
Wisconsin, sick of finishing near the bot- 
tom of the conference standings, has 
hired Barry Alvarez as its new head 
coach. Alvarez, most recently defensive 
coordinator at Notre Dame, has always 
been associated with winners. Tony 
Lowery, who sat out last season, will re- 
turn to handle the quarterbacking du- 
Чез. Alvarez has flip-flopped several 
other players between offense and de- 
fense in an effort to make the most of his 
talent. Don Davey, last years Anson 
Mount Scholar/Athlete in football, is the 
Badgers’ best defensive player. For the 
first time in many years, Indiana will get 
more from its defense than from its of- 
fense. Coach Bill Mallory has nine sea- 
soned defensive starters, the best of 
whom is safety Mike Dumas, who 
blocked four punts last season. On of- 
Tense, the Hoosiers have the difficult 
task of replacing 5000-yard career rush- 
Anthony Thompson and 
career passer Dave Schnell. 
Thompson, Anthony's younger brother, 
and Vaughn Dunbar, a junior college 
transfer, will handle the rushing, along, 
with fullback Cal Miller. The quarter- 
back will be redshirt freshman Chris Dy- 
а walk-on. Minnesota coach John 
t labeled his spring practices 
arch because he had so many 
ners to replace. Not only is Darrell 
Thompson—who owns almost all the 
team’s records in rushing and 
ing—gone; so are wide receiver Chris 


scor- 


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Gaiters, linebacker Jon Leverenz and a 
host of offensive and defensive inemen. 
Golden Gopher hopes are pinned on 
quarterback Scott Schaffner and 
‘Skeeter Akre, who will play linebacker 
or defensive end. Purdue coach Fred 
Akers is having a tough time turning the 
Boilermakers around. Purdue was 3-8 
last season. Aker 2-1 in three 
years at West La shman quar- 
eric Hunter gave Boilermakers 
some reason for hope when he 
to win а couple of games toward 


fan: 
came i 
the end of last year. However, the Boil- 


ers’ offensive line is unimpressive, and 
none of the running backs has shown 
significant promise. The defense should 
be strong, with the aid of linebacker 
Darrin Trieb, who has led the Big ‘Ten in 
solo tackles for the past two years. 


MID-AMERICAN CONFERENCE 
Central Michigan 

Toledo z 

Eastern Michigan 

Western Michigan 

Ball State З 

Bowling Green State 

Miami of Ohio. . . 

Kent State...... 

Ohio University. . 


Centrol Michigon, Toledo and Eostern 
Michigon all appear ready to make strong 
bids for the conference crown. Central 


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Michigan returns nine defensive starters 
rom last year’s 5-5-1 team. The success 
of the offense hinges on running back 
John Hood, who missed last season with 
a knee injury. Toledo’s new coach Nick 
Saban inherits eight returning starters 
from the conference's leading offense. 
Saban, formerly defensive coordinator 
for Michigan State under George Perles 
and most recently defensive backfield 
coach for the Houston Oilers, will go to 
work on the Rockets’ defense. Eastern 
Michigan can make a run at the M.A.C. 
tide if coach Jim Harkema finds a re- 
placement for quarterback Tom Sulli- 
van. Defensively, the Hurons will try to 
make up with aggressiveness what they 
lack іп experience. Western Michigon 
finished conference play at 3-5 last 
season, but four of those setbacks were 
ngle point. Quarterback Brad 
Tayles is the key to the Broncos’ success. 
Boll Stote, last year's conference champi- 
on, has lost M.A.C. Player of the Year 
David Riley at quarterback and thre: 
me M.A.C. Defensive Player of the Y 
Greg Garnica at linebacker 
Bernie Parmalee, holder of 185178 all- 
time career hing mark, returns for 
his senior season. 


. 

Notre Dome has enough talent to field 
three good Division I teams. The Irish 
will battle for the national championship 
if they win their opening game against 
Michi nd beat their nemesis, Miami, 


in October, Northern Illinois will have an 
impressive won-lost record for the зес- 


MIDWEST INDEPENDENTS 
Notre Dame 10-1 
Northern Ilinois 9-2 
Louisville „8-3 


Cincinnati 2-9 


ight season but may again miss 
a bowl bid due to its weak schedul 
Louisville is another team that will rack 
up the wins but may miss a bowl bid be: 
its schedule is soft. 


BIG EIGHT 
Colorado пы 
Nebraska. ...... 10-1 
Oklahoma 53 
юма State 6-5 
Missouri 47 
Oklahoma Siate 47 
Kansas 38 
Kansas State 38 


The traditional Big Two of the Big 
Eight is now Three, with Colorodo equal- 


ing and even surpassing Nebroska and 
Oklahomo. lowo State will put a potent of- 
fense on the field, but there are ques- 
tions on defense. Coach Walden is 
particularly concerned about a lack of 
ebackers. Junior Chris 
ilden's pick to replace 
two-year starter Bret Oberg at quarter- 
back. Walden thinks his offensive line 
be better than last year’s, despite the 
loss of Keith Sims, now in the N.F.L.. The 
jewel in Walden's offense is Playboy All- 
America Blaise Bryant, the leading re- 
turning rusher in the nation. Coach Bob 
Stull's first season at Missouri was rocky 
with the Tigers managing only two v 
to With a year to assimilate Stull's 
pro-set offense, quarterback Kent Kiefer 
should post impressive numbers this 
season. Wide receiver Linzy Collins and 
Playboy All-America tight cnd Tim Bru- 
ton will be two of his targets. Several 
junior college transfers may be the key 
to solving the Tigers’ defensive prob- 
Jems. Free safety Niu Sale was defensive 
player of the decade in his California 
junior college league. After consecutive 
ten-win seasons, Oklohoma Stote 
slumped to 4-7 last year. Losing run- 
ning backs of the caliber of Thurman 
Thomas, who led the Cowboys’ attack 
Sanders, the Не 
, contributed to the 
The fact that the program is in 
middle of a three-year probation 
ng the school from TV and bowl 
ances has a negative ellecı as well. 
son, coach Pat Jones faces the 
problem of replacing quarterback Mike 
Gundy, the Big Fights all-time leading 
passer. Sophomore Earl Wheeler is heir 
apparent. Konsos racked up four wins 
last season and called it a success. The 


fall-off 
the 


Jayhawks will have an improved de- 
fense, thanks to ‘backer Curtis 
Moore, who missed last season with an 
injury. Junior tailback Tony Sands to- 
taled 1000-plus yards rushing last sea- 
son. The Jayhawks are improving, 
though their record won't show it this 
season alter nonconference games with 
Virginia, Louisville and Miami, The 
schedule maker was kinder to Kansas 
State, which has five of its first six games 
at home. Coach Bill Snyder's squad has 
depth at quarterback, plus glue-fingered 
wide receiver Michael Smith. 


SOUTHWEST CONFERENCE 
Houston 9-2 
Arkansas. 83 
Texas ARM 8-4 
Baylor 
Texas Tech 
Texas. 

Texas Chistian 

Rice. 

Southam Methodist. 
The Southwest Conference is im- 
proved top to bottom. However, despite 
coaching changes at both schools, Hous- 
ton and Arkansas are still the favorites 
Texas A&M may challenge ifrunning back 
Darren Lewis can avoid injuries and get 
back to his 1988 form. Baylor coach 
rant Teall has installed a new I-forma- 
tion veer offense that puts a strong em- 
phasis on the running game amd cuis 
down on turnovers. He expects his new 
offense to develop slowly; in the mea 
me, he will rely on a strong defense led 
by tackle Samana Dotson. Texos Tech's 
Spike Dykes won Southwest Conference 
Coach of the Year honors last season ай- 
er the Red Raiders surprised everyone 
except Dykes by finishing 9-3. capped 
by a 49-21 victory over Duke in 
the All-American Bowl Unfortunately 
for Dykes, nine of last season's offen- 
sive Starters—among them running 
back James Gray, who gained more 
than 1500 yards- Tech's non- 
conference oppe include Ohio 
State and Miami. The Texos Longhorns 

id some high points last year. They 


whipped Oklahoma for the first time 
since 1983, then stunned unbeaten 
Arkansas in Fayetteville. However, ev- 


"Horns 
finished 5-6, their second losing season 
in a raw. Passer Peter Gardere, who was 
effective when healthy, returns, along, 
with receiver Johnny Walker. Defensivc- 
ly, linebacker Brian Jones and end Oscar 
Giles ave Texas’ leaders. Opening games 
against Penn State and Colorado соп- 
demo the Longhorns to a slow start 
Texas Christion’s permeable defense al- 
lows too many points to give the Horned 
Frogs much c coach 
Jim Wacker's run-and-shoot offense will 
score points of its own, particularly with 
two promising candidates at quarter- 


erything turned sour as the 


back—Matt Vogler and Leon Clay. Roo- 
sevel Collins at end is TCU's lone 
standout on defense. An improved Rice 
team will surprise a few opponents this 
season. The Owls, who haven't had a 
winning record in 27 years, have a br 
liant quarterback in Donald Hollas. Re- 
ceiver Егіс Henley—the brother of 
Darryl and Thomas, both with the Los 
Angeles Rams—had 81 receptions last 
season. Southern Methodist coach Forrest 
Gregg proved last season that there is 
life after the death penalty. After an 
N.C.A.A. football embargo of two years, 
Gregg fielded a team of freshmen and 
sophomores, only seven of whom had 
ever appeared in a college football 
game. “A lot of people said we wouldn't 
win a game for three years,” Gregg re- 
calls. By season's end, not only had the 
Mustangs won two games, they had al- 
most recorded one of college football's 
greatest upsets, having led ninth-ranked 
ansas in the fourth quarter. After 
ng all those underclassmen last 
year, Gregg now has a maturing crew 
ready for 1990. 


PACIFIC 10 
Washington. 8-3 
‚Arizona . 8-3 
Souther California 7-8 
Oregon 7-4 
Arizona State. 6-5 
UCLA.... x — 6-5 
washington State. 5-6 
Oregon State, Я 5-6 
Stanford ....... 3-3 
Сайогпіа, .............- КЕ 


Washington and Arizono will vie for the 
conference title, while Southern Cal plays 
an unaccustomed game of catch-up in a 
well-balanced Pac 10. Oregon will make 
some noise if Bill Mu: е, one of the 
nation’s better quarterbacks, stays free 
from the injuries that hampered him in 
his freshman and sophomore years. 
Coach Rich Brooks, who coached the 
Ducks to an 8-4 record last year, is hop- 
ing that Ngalu Kelemeni can replace 
Derek Loville, Oregon's all-time leading 
rusher, at tailback. Quarterback Paul 
Justin of опа Stote has the 
strength, field presence and height (6 
that make pro scouts drool. Coach L. 
Marmie’s biggest heada 
that finished last in the 
the presence of Playboy All-America 
safety Nathan LaDuke. In 1989, peren- 
nial national powerhouse UCLA expe 
enced its second losing season (3-7-1) in 
the past 18 years. Coach Terry Donahue 
made several coaching changes in the off 
season, notably the rehiring of offensive 
coordinator Homer Smith, who spent 
the past two years at Alabama. The Br 
ins retain sophomore quarterback Bret 
Johnson but lack experience elsewhere 
The defense should Бе 


ry 
he is a defense 
10, despite 


on offense. 


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PLAYBOY 


156 


arly in the backfield, 
whe er and Matt Darby аге 
the leaders. The Bruins’ record will be 
held down by a tough out-of-conference 
schedule that includes Oklahoma and 
Michigan. Washington Stote's Cougars 
know offense. In the Eighties, WSU's of- 
fense generated more than 4000 total 
season eight 
ture of running back Steve 
Broussard, the 1990 version should do 
as well. Brad Gossen and Aaron Garcia 
will share quarterbacking duties, while 
tailback Rich Swinton, who р; 
than 1000 yards in 1988, returr 
senior year. The Cougars are youthful 
along the defensive line. With an im- 
proved team, five home games and a fa- 
vorable nonconference schedule, Oregon 
State should have its first winning n 
n 19 years. Receivers Maurice Wilson 
and Jason Kent are excellent and quar- 
ba Ман Booher, med si 
ез last year, has an accu 
Па 


imes. 


yards in а 
the depa 


who s 


provement over last season's 
record improbable. It opens with Col- 
orado, UCLA and Notre Dame before 
facing their regular Рас 10 slate, Run- 
ning back Jon Volpe, w sed most 
of last season with injuries alter gaining 
more than 1000 yards in 1988, ret 
Coach Dennis Green, Bill Walsh’s assis 
ant both at Stanford and with the 49ers, 
realizes what it takes to win football 
games and probably realizes he won't 
see many Ws this yea 
. 

The W.A.C. will probably not be de- 
cided until the final game of the regular 
season on December first, when Brigham 
Young visits Howaii. Wyoming, attempting 
to rebound from a disappoi 
season, is a solid choice for the ı 
three spot. Air Force, which next to BYU 
has been the W.A.C.’s most successful 
football franchise (six bow! appearances 


iow d 


(6) 
RA FUE 
С ДИ ШИ її 21 


in the Eighties), will miss diminutive Dee 
Dowis. Dowis graduated alter setting a 


WESTERN ATHLETIC CONFERENCE 
Brigham Young 93 
Hawaii 
Wyoming 
Air Force 
San Diego State 
Colorado State 


А. record for 
rushing by a qu 
leading candidate to run the Falcons 
wishbone is ju who came 


most c 


because Dow 
tated at halfback and returned kicks. 
Gray has 4.4 speed; it remains to be seen 
how well he'll make those all-important 
option decisions. Only four starters 
back from last year’s defense, the best 
being cornerback Егіс Faison. Pro scouts 
will keep a close eye on Son Diego State 
quarterback Dan McGwire, brother of 
land Athletics’ Mark, this season. 
. his per-game average of 285 
yards total offense ranked him fifth 
the natio is no trouble 
seeing ovi line. И coach 2 
defense that al- 
four touch- 
per game, the Aztecs m 
Former Ohio State coach Е 
Bruce has found a home at Colorado 
Stote and is l trying to transform the 
Rams into winners. He came close last 
season (5-5-1). Eight oflensive start 
including first-team AII-W.A.C. running 
back Tony Alford, will suit up. Mike 
Gimenez and Kevin Verdugo, a transfer 
from Kansas, will battle for the ОВ. 
spot. Road games against Arl Аг 
20 State and conference rivals Air 
Force, Hawaii апа BYU will stall Bruce's 
drive for a winning record. Utah’s 1989 
quarterback Scott Mitchell was yet 


3 
ШІЛ 


МА 


other junior who decided to p: 
senior year for the N.EL. dollar 
Mitchell was probably frustrated by 
playing for a team that scored lots of 
points (365) but allowed even more 
(524). The Utes have hired a new coach, 
Ron McBride, who wants his defense to 
punish opponents. “We want players 
who will light you up when they hit 
you," he says, Without an improved de- 
fense, it will still be lights out for Utah. 


s up his 


BIG WEST 
Fresno State 
Cal State Long Beach 
San Jose State 
Utah State 
Nevada-Las Vegas 
Cal State Fullerton 
Pacific. 
New Mexico State. 


the best team in the 


Fresno Stote 


conference and Col Stote Long Beoch, 
with the hiring of venerable Ge 
Allen as coach, the best story. But Al 


is only one of five new head coaches in 
the Big West. In 1989, Son Jose Stote gave 
Claude Gilbert a new five-year contr: 
that reporicdly called for Gilbert t 
phasize recruiting high school play 
ther than rely on junior college play 
ers, as he often had in the past. After he 
signed 21 transfers and no high school- 
ers last February, the university relieved 
him of his coaching duties. N.C.A.A. 
nS wi also rumored to have 
'd a role in Gilbert's demise, as did 
өзе State’s feeble 14 percent gradu- 
ation rate of football players during h 
reign. In April. with one week of spring 
practice rema Terry Shea, former 
ly offensive coordinator with the Univer 
у of California, took over. Despite the 
moil, the Spartans may still have опе 
of the better teams in the conference. 
Running back Sheldon Canley. second 
in the nation in all-purpose yards last 
ind four veteran starters on the 
offensive line should give SJU plenty of 
firepower. The Spartans’ defense, with 
seven seasoned starters, must avoid giv- 
ing up the big plays that plagued them. 
last year. Utah Stote expects to have its 
huck Shelton’s five- 
king and pass de 
Aggies’ strong suits. By the 
way, wouldn't it be a good idea for Utah 
| New Mexico State to battle it out 
once and for all for exclusive 


Jim Strong takes over 
da-Los Vegas. Strong—most recently Lou 
Holiz's offensive coordinator at Nowe 
ne—wasn't int 

s success in basketball 
s lackluster history in Division I foot- 

a chance to recruit 

the Rebels a contender 
Here's hopi 


he 


ig Your team wins, 


El 


HARTWELL 


(continued from page 118) 
bright face. “But, Hartwell, don't ever, 
under any circumstances, give this to 
student.” 

I knew it was good,” he said to m. 
knew it. Do you Tm writing again. 

“Do not" I repeated, “give this to 
Julie. You will create a misunderstand- 
ing." 

“There is no misunderstand 
told me, folding the poem bac 
old maroon book. "It is a verity,” he said. 
“Lam in love." 

As everyone knows, there is nothing 
10 say to that. 1 stirred my collee and saw 
rom how high an alude my friend was 
going to fall. 


. 

April is a terrible month on a campus, 
"his. too, is a verity. Every pathway 
recks of love newly found and soon to be 
lost. It is one of the few times and places 
you can actually see people pine. The 
weather changes aud the ridiculous 
lilacs bloom at every turning, their odor 
spiraling up the cornices of every old 
brick building in sight, including, of 
course, old Normal. Couples lean 
against things and talk so earnestly it 
makes you игед. Everywhere you look, 
there is some lost lad in shirt sleeves 
gesturing like William Jennmgs Bryan 
before а coed, her dreamy stare a саг 
ture of importance. This goes on round 
the clock in April, the penultimate 
month in the ancient agrarian model of 
the school year, and as 1 walked across 
mpus that spring, | kept my eyes 
straight ahead. | didn't want to see il, 
any of it. 


. 

Of course, Hartwell and I couldn't be 
more diflerent. That's clear. But I had a 
sensation alter he'd left that afternoon 
that reminded me too strongly of when 1 
had had my troubles, such as they were. 
Years ago—a lifetime, if you want— 
student of mine became important to 
me. She wasn't like Нагоме 5 Julie at 
ll. Her name ізгі important, but it 


wasn't a pretty name and, in she 
wasn't really a pretty girl, just a girl. She 
came 10 my notice because of an afflic- 


tion she carried in her e 
Sorrow 

1 not about her anyway, but 
about me, in a sordid way. 1 saw what 1 
wanted to see, What Î needed to sec. She 
was frail and damaged somehow and 1 
was her teacher. Well, who needs details? 
It was the same story as all these other 
ame professor off 
ag person either will- 
nwillingly the victim ог 
all, My student, this 
«ап A for В we 
ed for her to pick up her ter 
week afier the semester ended, 


s—a weight, a 


| 


ting in my office in Normal Hall. по rea- 
son whatsoever. I had my door cracked 
one ch and 1 waited. Tuesday, 
Wednesday, Thursday, Friday On Fri- 
day afternoon 1 w: 
my chair, Just having he 
read and reread, held in my lap as I 
ted) was enough, and undoubtedly, 
it would have powered me through the 
weekend. I am the kind of professo 
who is in his ollice more Saturdays and 
Sundays than he will e dmit. On F 
evening, when [ was preparing in 
routine way to leave and go home, 
I heard a step on the 
stairs—the first step that was not the jan- 
йог» step—and 1 knew she was coming. 
How long could it have taken between 
the sound of those beautiful footsteps 
and their pausing at my opened office 
door? Twenty seconds? Ten? Whatever 
the time, it was the acon beiwe 
young and my old selves. E had a chance, 
the old scholars put it, to know 
gie flaw. Not that Tm any more than 
hetic, and certainly not tragic, but 1 
came to know in that short moment that 
1 was a fool. The girl came to my door 
nd paused and then knocked. She act- 
sed to find me there. She acted 
4 expected to retrieve her ра- 
a box outside my door. I told her 
no, that I had и. 1 handed it to her, 
warm from my lap. She nodded and 
averted her eves and said something ГИ 
never forget. “This was a good class Гог 
me," she said. “You made it interesting. 
And then she turned and touched the 
ppled floor of Normal Hall for the last 
time. Without her paper and with по 
reason to be on earth on Friday night, 1 
became a fool and, in a sense, the 
guardian of fools. 
Like Hartwell. 


she came. 


. 

But what could 1 do? This Julie was 
shrewd as any Га seen come along. Not 
only had she accepted hi 
commented on it. I quizzed him on what 
she had said, but he just shook his head 
and smiled until his eyes closed. He was 
so far gone that 1 had to smile, too. 

Bur Julie hadn't stopped there. With 
no reason whatsoever, she had invited 
him to the spring carnival. There was no 
reason to do that, She'd already won her 
grade and her victory. Hartwell was ab- 
solutely incandescent about it. He 
carnival this and carnival that. 1 should 
go, he said. Oh, come with us, he said. lt 
was as if they were engaged. | told him 
no. It was a sunny spring afternoon in 
the Pantry—too hot, really, to be drink- 
ing coffee—and 1 told him no, to go 
ad, but for God's sake be careful. If 
want to know the meaning of effete, 
just say Be careful to a fool in love. Му 
advice didn't get across the table. 
aL on our campus is 
It is designed 
Victory over 
achieved and this 


winter has been 


FATHOM 


COLOGNE FOR MEN 


WHOSE EMOTIONS RUN DEEP. 


AFRESH, NEW 
THRILLING COLOGNE. 
FATHOM. 


PLAYBOY 


158 


celebration is to make sure of it. Years 
ago, it was held on the quad and consist- 
ed of a few quaint booths, but it has 
grown—exploded, really—to the point 
where now every corner of campus 
covered with striped tents and the smell 
of barbecued this and that clouds the air. 
геп been in years. 

rtwell’s invitation was tantaliz- 
as made even more so by 
ш that happened the last week 


of classes. 1 was packing my briefcase in 
my office in Normal when the door 
opened. There wasn't a knock or a hello: 


well's 


the door just swung open and H: 
was hanging on it, Вай 
breath, her hair swinging like somet 
primeval. “Oh, good,” she said. 
here. Listen, Downey,” she said, using 
my nickname without a hesitation, “Hart 
and 1 are going to the carnival and he 
mentioned you might like to go. Please 
do. You know it's Friday. We're going to 
eat and then take it all in.” Julie looked 
at me and smiled, her tan cheeks not 23 
going to be fun, you 


out 


Ë 
"You're 


nd down I sat. I took the 
ndy out of my bottom 
drawer—a bottle so old my father had 
bought it in Havana on one of his 
trips—and I had half an ounce right 
there vith the door wide open. Downey. 
I was jangled. So she and Hartwell 
called me Downey when they called me 


of 


anything. The prospect of being talked 
about set part of me ad 
. 

To the carnival I went. 

But I didnt go with them. I told 
Hartwell that I might see him there but 
to go ahead without me. It was the last 
week of classes and I had a stack of 
rhetoric papers on my desk when— 
outside my window—I heard the g 
parade, the kazoos and tambourines 
that signal the commencement of festivi- 
ties. A feeling came to me that I hadn't 
had 1 had heard this ташар 

i y spring of every year Га 
been in Normal Hall, but that year, it 
was different. It called to me. 1 felt my 
heart begin to drum, and I put down my 
pen like a schoolboy called outside by his 
mates. It was the last Friday of the school 


Я sa sympa 
thetic feeling 1 had for Hartwell. Alter 
all, Julie had invited him to the carnival. 
s and ГИ admit this freely- happy 
. At the corner, I stopped and 
bought a pink carnation and pinned it to 
my old brown jacket and I thrust my 
hands into my pockets and plunged into 
the carnival. Crowds of shouting and 
laughing merrymakers passed me in the 
alleyway of tented amusements. It was 
just sunset and the shadows of things 
ran to the edge of the world, giving the 
ampus 1 knew so well ап unfam 
face, and I had the sense of being 


THINGS ГМ 


TOO TIRED TO 
FUCK WITH NOW 


“Miss Fisher! ГА like a word with you about 
your filing system!” 


strange new village. Bells rang, whistles 
blew and a red ball bounced past. 1 saw 
Melissa, Hartwell's former wife, on the 
arm of one of our Ph.D. students, eating 
cotton candy. By ће time I'd walked to 
an intersection of these exotic lanes, 1 
had two balloons in my hand and it was 
full dark 

1 bought some popcorn and walked 
оп beneath the colored lights. Groups of 
students passed in twos and threes 
They didn't see me, but I knew that I 
had taught some of them. I felt a tug at 
my arm and it was Julie, saying, 
Downey. Great balloons!” She had 
Hartwell by the other arm 

"Yes," I said, smiling at both of them 
and tugging at the two huge balloons. 
“They're big, aren't they?” 

Hartwell was in his glory. He looked 
like a film actor. Confidence came off 
him in waves. He wore a new white-Han- 
et anda red-silk tie. "They're ab- 
solutely grand!” he said, his face shining 
with affection, “They're the best bal- 
loons in this country!” 

Julie pulled us over to а booth where, 
for a dollar, a person could throw three 
baseballs at a wall of china plates. The 
booth was being managed by a boy | rec- 
ognized from this semester's rbeto 
class, though he wouldn't make eye con- 
tact with me. 

“I want you two to win me a snake,” 
said, pointing to the large stuffed 
mals that hung above our heads. 
“Absolutely,” Hartwell said, reaching 
his pocket for the money. He was go- 
g to pitch baseballs at the plates. It was 
a thrilling notion—and when he broke 
one with his final throw, that was 
thrilling, too. 

“Well” I said, “if we're going to ruin 
china, I'm going to be involved.” I paid 
the boy а dollar for three baseballs, 
smashing one plate only. 

We stayed there a while, until, on my 
third set, 1 broke three plates and the 
boy, looking as shocked as I did, handed 
me a huge cloth snake. It was pink. 
Hartwell was right there, patting my 
back and squeezing my arm in congratu- 
lations, and 1 imagine we made quite a 
scene, Julie kissing my check and smil- 
ing as Í handed her the prize. I'll say this 
now: It was a funny feeling there in the 
green and yellow lights of the car 


val—I'd never been patted оп the back 
am not the kind of 


before in my life. I 
person who gets 
which is fine with 
Hartwell did it there, calling out, 
g! Magnificent!” it felt good. 


arm alter that, until I realized we had 
walked all the way down to Front 5 
which is the way I walk home. 1 
good night to them there, Hartwell and 
1 bowing ridiculously and then shaking 
hands and smiling and Julie ki y 
cheek lightly one more time and calling, 
“Good night, Downey!” 1 turned onto 


FOR MEN WHOSE EMOTIONS RUN DEEP 


PLAYBOY 


160 


d then turned back and 
Julie hanging 
They stopped 
her 


ont Str 
watched them walk away 
tightly on Hartwell's arm. 
once and 1 saw them kiss. She pu 
hand on his cheek and kissed hi: ^ 
As I moved down Front Street, the 
noises of the carnival receded with every 
step and soon there was just me and my 
two balloons in an old town that I knew 
e well. 


. 

It was not like me to enter houses un- 
invited. I had never done it. But I was in 
a state. 1 can't describe the way I felt 


walking home, but it was about 
ness for Hartwell and а warm feeling I 
had about Hartwell’s Julie. I had begun 
to whistle a lurid popular tune that I'd 
heard at the carnival, And when I came 
to Old Tilden Lane, where all the soror 
ity houses are lined up, 1 turned. 

Га been to all of the Greek houses at 
one time or another. Each fall, the shiny 
new officers invite some of the faculty 
out to chat or lecture or have tea in the 
houses, and we do it when we're 
younger because it counts as “ser 
toward tenure or because we're flauered 


TN 


(we're always flattered), and 1 had done 
my canned English Department presen- 
tation at Tri Delta years ago. 

1 found Tri Delta halfway down the 
winding street, tucked between two oth- 
er faded mansions. It was almost ten 
o'dock. The lights were on all through 
the house and the windows and doors 
thrown open. I walked up the wide steps 
and into the vestibule. Everyone was at 
the carnival ar this hour and 1 felt an 
odd elation standing in the grand empty 


was among the strangest things 1 
have ever done as a college profes- 
sor—wander into a sorority house. But 1 
did. 1 went through the living room and 
up the wooden stairway to the second 
floor and 1 went from door to door, 
reading the name plates. The doors 
were all partially open and 1 could see 
the chambers in disarray, books scat- 
tered on the beds and underthings on 
the floor. The hallway smelled musty 
and sweet, and the doors were festooned 
with collages of clippings and pho- 
so that many 
mes, I had to read the notes to discover 
whose room it was. It was kind of deli- 
cious there in the darkened hallway, 
sensing that hours ago, a dozen young 
women had dressed and brushed then 
hair in these rooms. 

At the end of the corridor, on a dark 
paneled door, there were several sheets 
of white typing paper. and I saw instant- 
ly that this was Julie’s room, even before 
I went close enough to read any of it. It 
was, of course, Hartwell's poetry. The 
poem I had seen was taped there, along 
with five others he had typed and not 
shown me. Now, however, each was 
scrawled with red-ink marginalia in the 
loopy, saccharine handwriting of sorori- 
ty girls. Their comments were filthy, 
puerile and inane. Obscene ridicule. My 
heart beat against my forehead sudden- 
ly, and my eyes burned. Through her 
open door, 1 saw Julie's red-plaid kilt on 
the floor next to a black slip. 1 felt quite 
old and quite heavy and very out of 
place. 

1 fled. I rattled down the stairway, tak- 

ing two steps at a time, across the foyer 
nd back into the night. A couple, arm 
in arm, were coming through the door 
They were drunk and I nearly knocked 
them over. I recovered and hurried into 
the dark of Old Tilden Lane, where 1 
found something in my hand, and I re- 
leased the two balloons, 
m a man who lives in six rooms half 
a mile from the campus where 1 teach. 1 
like Chopin, Shostakovich, Courvoisier 
and Kona coffee. 1 have a library of ju 
over 1000 books. After these things, my 
similarities with Hartwell end. He has 
his life and I have mine, and he is not 
like me at all. We are lonely men who 
teach in college. ГИ give you that. 


Automotive Report 


(continued from page 99) 
Eclipse, Laser and Talon 
t been idle. Its latest effort is 
«turbo, all-wheel-drive, 
wheel-steering challenge to the 
X. Dodge's version is named the 

Mitsubishi's has а tamer 
name—the 3000GT—and slightly more 
exotic styling. Both models are well en- 
gineered, very quick and great buys at 
just over $30,000 each. 

Infiniti is betting heavily on its G20, a 
pint-sized four-door version of the Q45 
with front-wheel drive and a two-liter, 
engine. Priced at 
just under $20,000, the appeal 
to sports-sedan fans, but it's being chal- 
lenged by Ni own Maxima and the 
Mitsubishi VR-4. The latter 
features optional all-wheel drive and 
fou milar to w the 
3000GT offers. Finally, issan will 
apitalize on the four-door Maximas 
popularity with a coupe version early 
next year—intensilying its in-house 
rivalry with Infinit. 


produced d 


а 160-mph, t 


fou 


THE FUTURE OF AMERICAN CARS 


With import wheels tallying more 
than half of all auto sales іп progressive 
California, it's time to ask the question 
Are American cars passé? Far from it. 
Buick has shown signs of progress with 
its Park Avenue Ultra and Regal—espe- 
cially in Gran Touring trim. Pontiac is 
taking its “We build excitement” slogan 
seriously with a more powerful V6, plus 
enticing sneak previews of next-genera- 
tion Firebirds. And although Chevrolet's 
price successor is a bust (it looks like a 
Sixties throwback), don't count out the 


С.М. division that created the ZR-1 
The jury is still out on the Saturn, 
General Motors took a long time dev 


oping it, placing heavy emphasis on a 
new manufacturing process—early pro- 
totypes emphasized quality control, with 

styling or mechani 
. In today's market, 
it's not enough to be as good a 


If it succeeds, the 
gnal a turnaround 


cocca was saving the 
erty, they took their e 
irricula 
nd-developn 


Statue of 
the Бай. Their extr 
delayed. rescarch- 
forts that could have produced benes 


sooner. Truly new Chrysler 
пу wont arrive until the 19 


ysler/Plymouth’s popular 
minivans are being challenged Бу Тоу- 
ota’s Previa and Mazda's MPV. (We've 
just driven Dodge and Plymouth 1991 


minivans. Although the sty! 
are subtle, the numero 
chassis refinements wil 
Chrysler will keep its leadership position 
in this market.) And despite more horse- 
powe 
Jeep Cherokee is undi 
Tord's capable new Explor > 
sans four-door Pathfinder. Now the 
good news: The Dodge Spirit R/T sports 
sedan boasts a new performance suspe 
that cor 
revving [our-cy engine. Not 
content with that bit of hot-rodding, 
also revived the Jeep Rem 
gade and dropped a potent 180-bhp 
jected six-cylinder engine into it, 
while rounding off its corners with a 
snappy plastic fender package 

is now the savviest American car 
ег partnership with Mazda 
sponsible for the Probe and the re- 
ned Escort) is a model marriage, 
ensuring that Ford's small с; 
ture will be world-cl 
Ford's purchase of Jaguar brings some 
new efficiency to that classy marque: Al- 
though the long-awaited Jaguar ЕЛуре 
sports car ha nceled, plans for 
redesigned XJ-S coupe and a new mid- 
sized sedan to challenge BMW's 5 Series 
point to progress. Jaguar gives Ford the 
respected heritage it needs to challenge 
the top luxury marques. 


ng changes 
terior and 


KOF THE JAPANESE LUXURY CARS 


е cutting by BMW and 
Jaguar, Toyota's Lexus and Nissan's 
have stolen some of the estab- 
lished European luxury makes’ thunder. 
advertising showed (he 
famous “rocks and trees 
n drew attention at first but s 
lenced by the fact 
that the Lexus LS 400 currently outsells 
the Q45 three to one. Compounding 


sented a more pr; 
250, a four-door sedan ba 
Camry. But dont gi 
gner: 
deep pockets, and they're in the game 
for keeps. 

What's next from Acura besides the 
aforementioned М py photos have 
captured a Mercedes 300-like Legend 
I1 coupe—probably with а VIO е 
gine—on the test track. Any time Acura's 
engineers want more power in the In- 
терга, they can unveil a sizzling 160-bhp 
motor with variable valve timing (hat 
has been waiting in the wings. 

Mazda has a V8-powered BMW 5 Se- 
ype of luxury sedan ready to go but 
can't seem to decide whether to sell it in 
Mazda showrooms or to spring another 

ne plate on an already model- 

y public, They'll probably compro- 
with new showrooms next to 

Mazda de Meanwhile, the 


THE DIFFERENCE 


YOU CAN MAKE. 


3, 700 miles of our 
Shorelines during the 1989 
National Beach Cleanup. 
Find out how you can make 
a difference. 

Call or write today to: 
Center for 

Marine Conservation 

1725 DeSales Street, NW 
Washington, ОС 20036 


1-800-CMC-CLEAN 


m 


PLAYBOY 


162 


transmission. Look for a turbocharged 


version soon—to battle Mercury's pow- 
erful Capri convertible. 
Mitsubishi has launched its I 


sports luxury sedan in Japan. 1 
cue from Ше oft-imitated BMW, 
mid-sized Diamante V6 feau 
most expensive configuration all-wheel 
drive, four-wheel steering and oth 
high-tech features including a satellite 
па! ion system. U.S. availability will 
be next spring, probably with a Sigma 
label. 


THE GERMANS АКЕ COMING—AGAIN 


In the face of all these innovations 
from the Far East, German enginee 
main confident that they can out-tech 
the Japanese, but they may be underes- 
timating Japan's reaction time. Perhaps 
more important, there's suddenly a slew 
of brilliant innovations in relatively inex- 
pensive Japanese c: 


BMW and Mercedes-Benz 
nounced lower-priced models: the 
BMW 318is (about $22,000) and the 


Benz 190E (about $30,000). Mercedes is 
emphasi. ar pioneer effort in 


90 years ahead of the 
edes is also readying a 
behemoth six-liter, 400-bhp V12 S-Class 
sedan it insists will be superior to any 
luxury car now on the road. And if 


there's another fuel shortage, Mercedes 
is ready. Its freshly minted turbodiesels 
sacrifice little in. performance to their 
"ts. 


gasoline counte 

We've recently d 
500E, a factory hot rod featuring the 
500515 332-bhp V8 stuffed into a 300 
sedan with upgraded suspension. Look 
for this autobahn burner in 1999. 

Porsche sales recovered slightly fr 
the pounding they took over the 
three years. Banking on the i 
Tiptronic automatic transmi 
probably the best sports automat 
designed—Porsche has increased 
prices three to four percent and brought 
back the wickedly fast 911 Tu 
the 94489 coupe at $43,350 to the 911 
Turbo at $95,000, Porsches remain play- 
things for the wealthy. 

Priced about $17,900, Volkswagen's 
supercharged pocket-rocket Corrado is 
an interesting option in the hotly co: 
tested bargain-GT market and so is its 


ever 


“Гт glad it turned out well. At first, £ 
thought I was in over my head.” 


Passat sedan. The speedy Corrado has a 
stubby boy-racer look we like. The Pas- 
sat is surprisingly roomy yet nimble for a 
sedan its size 


THOSE OTHER EUROPEANS 


A few rusty 1245 and X/19s are all that 
remain of the once-powerful Fiat pres- 
ence in / Fiat builds popular 
low-pr -urope. Can it make a 
comeback here? Consider its success 
with Ferrari. Now almost completely 
owned by Fiat, the blood-red machines 
from Maranello are shining examples of 
how the Italians can make a car right. 
For 1991, the squat but incredibly fast 
V8-powered 348ts is even quicker than 
its big brother, the Testarossa V12. But 
don't rush out to buy one. The waiting 
lists at Ferrari dealers stretch into 1999. 
Those same dealers won't even quote a 
current price over the phone. If you 
have to ask, you probably can't afford it. 

Fiat also owns Alfa-Romeo. While se- 
cretly making overtures to buy Chrysler, 
it organized a joint venture with careful- 
ly selected Chrysler dealers to q 
Alfa's stylish front-wheel-drive 
sports sedan here. Based on a platform 
speedy 9000 Turbo, 


the 164 boasts ter 
revving Alfa V6, a 
manual or four-speed automatic t 
mission and a head-turning Pininfarina- 
styled body. If Alfa succeeds, look for 
more Fiats to follow. 

France, like Italy, 


has made a major 
impact in the fashion industry, but 
French auto makers have failed to estab- 
lish an automotive presence in Ameri- 
ca— perhaps because French styling and 
quality suffer by comparison to other 
European makes. That's no longer true. 
Enthusiasts who drive the snappy Peu- 
geot 405 Mi 16 sedan and its fun- 
yet-functional companion, the 405 S 
Sportswagon, won't be disappointed 
Both are sporty and fast. 

Saab's 9000CD notchback has a feisty 
new 150-bhp 2.3-liter four-cylinder en- 
gine—smoothed with balance shafts— 
that gives the car a six-cylinder kick. 


Saab’s most powerful model, the 9000 
Turbo, is still a 
hatchback 


able as a four-door 


off-again market- 
. customers 
confused, and that’s too bad. Its V6 Za- 
gato Spyder roadster is a topless treat 
with surprising handling and speed. 
For 1991, Maserati promises a coupe 
called Shamal powered by a multivalve, 
twin-turbo V8. 

Whatever the make or model, 1991 
looks to be a banner year for car lovers. 
One sweet new set of wheels follows an- 
other, and many offer tempting prices. 
Grab your driving gloves—the bank's 
open late tonight. 


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PLAYBOY 


164 


KIEFER SUTHERLAND 


(continued from page 125) 
В every Sund 


went to chur 
kilt. [Grins] 


9, 


PLAYBOY: Your stepdaughter is ten years 
your junior and entering her teens. Can 
you keep those years іп perspective, 
having been through them so recently 
yourself? 

suth AND: If I had met her when she 
was thirteen, it would have been more 
difficult. But | took her to her first par- 
ent-teacher meeting when she was 
п the difference between nine and 
teen is considerable. Гуе seen her go from 
playing with Cabbage Patch dolls to want- 
ing to get a leather 
up. Having that basis of a relationship. 1 
think 1 probably have more insight into 
those d God knows, a thirteen 
old doesn't put on mak 
thinks и will make her look better. But 1 
understand because I had my head shaved 
and ear pierced by the time I was twelve. I 
didit think it made me look better, but 
was my own statement of my identity. 


10. 


eraysov: If one of your daughters told you 
she was going to drop out of school at 
fifteen to become an actor, what adv 
would you give her? 
SUTHERLAND: I wouldn't let her do и. And 
that would be my right as her father. That 
vas my parents’ reaction also. The differ- 
ence was, | had done it already. At that 
all they could say was, “ОК, now let's 
ath. We didn't realize 
this was something you wanted to do so 
"Then they became incredibly sup- 
1 wanted them to have faith in me, 
and I was shocked that they did. Im sure 
n their hearts, they were dying. I know 1 
would be if either of my daughters were to 
quit school and take off. And, as a parent, 1 
would do everything in my power to stop it 
from happening, short of tying her to a 
chair. Ultimately, you have to gauge things 
according t peoples desires and what 
theyre willing to do to show how much 
they want to achieve something. 


PLAYBOY: You achieved teenage dudedom 
the Eighties, What has changed for 
of the Nineties? 

SUTHERLAND: In my high school, you had 
your druggies, your s your jocks, 
your academics—and even they ini 


te 


а! 
scholastic 
icd it makes 
rday-after noon 

least, with its 


ht. But now the poli 
structure of a young person: 
environment is so compli 
Congress look like а S. 
tea party. In Los Ai 


a volatile period, because this aga 


group is 


the first to experience a universal world. 
They won't have that comfortable feel 
that America is pre-eminent, and they're 
going to be pissed off. Its a world market 
юм, and they're the ones who have to 


bridge that gap and be able to adapt 
12. 


т.лувоу: Aside from your walk-on role in 
Max Dugan Returns, you and your father 
haven't shared the screen. When can we 
expect that to happen? 

SUTHERLAND: Not for a long time. We've 
been looking into it. There's a great script, 
Woman Wanted, that we've wanted to do for 
a while. Its about two scientists. a widower 
nd his son, who live together. They hire a 
housekeeper and both of them try to 
seduce her. lt takes place in one room, like 
a play, and it’s a real dirty film. We hope 
something comes of that, but if not, there 
hings we'd like to tr 


13. 


rtAypoy: Before Young Guns, had you ever 
fired a gu 
you ever w 
SUTHERLAND: Yeah and yeah. | am not a 
firearms activist, but Im also not one of 
those preachy fuckers who say putting six 
bullets in a target is any different from 
archery. 1 dont feel guilty getting the same 
kind of thrill firing a 44 at a target as | got 
when I was eleven firing a BB gui 


are other 


M. 


PLAYBOY: We heard that while in Chicago 
filming Flatliners, you and Kevin Bacon 
left fifty- апа hundred-dollar tips 
restaurants. Have you ever stifled some- 
one? 

SUTHERLAND: 1 don't remember ever con- 
sciously stifling anybody 1 also dont 
remember leaving а fifty- or hundred-dol- 
up. Kevin and I were both taken by 
that. It made us look generous, so fine. 
[Laughs] There could be a lot worse things 
said about us. 


15. 


PLAYBOY: Is there anyone you'd like to w 
with whom you haven't worked wit 
SUTHERLAND: Gene Hackman 
most proficient and efficient actor Гуе ever 
seer 


16. 


PLAYBOY: What do you do when you hat 
say a terrible piece of di 
SUTHERLAND: Lets say you've got a good 
line in front, ge line in back but a 
I stinker in the middle you've got to get 
You submerge it. Burt Reynolds is a 
Кап at that. Nick Nolte can do it 
п does it all the time. They 
сап take a line that is so fucking bad and 
make it disappear. They make it disappear 
i Inflection, so that it just passes 
through you. You get the information, but 
theres nothing attached to that line othe: 
n that it sets up the next one. 


со 


17. 


been 


rtaynov: What's the worst line yo 
saddled with? 
surmerann: [ve had lines that were the 
best and worst together, lines that 1 
thought were complete pieces of shit but 
turned ош to be all right—which shows 
how much I know. And they were all in 
The Lost Boys. Joel Schumacher, who a 
directed Flatliners, enabled me to Пу with 
them, to almest make them camp. Just 
i its time to die” or “Now 
you know what we are and now you know 
what you are" seriously. An actors job is 
never to hitany one topic right on the head 
but rather to let the 
Ivs hammer 


took a jackhammer to a twelve- 
That went against everything Id learned 
from everyone whose opinion I valued. 
But it worked. 


18. 


LAYBOY: What pisses you off most? 
SUTHERLAND: Well, you know when youre 
making love and. . . , [Laughs] A reviewer 
made a statement that just enraged пи 
Roseanne Barr came out with a film—I 
dont know her personally and I didn't see 
the film—but the reviewer said, Its bad 
enough that we have to watch her on TV at 
this weight, let alone pay seven dolla 
Well, number one, you don't have to pay 
seven dollars to see her, asshole. And, 
ber two, the guy isnt slim hi 
med to pick on his wardrobe or some 
aspect of his personality, I could have a 
held day. 1 respect reviewers, but attacking 
someone on a personal level because you 
dont like a fil | find that more arro- 
nl and infuriating than anything else. 


19. 


D: Yeah, to start off, we wear 
ед bicycle shorts under our trousers 
After riding every day for five or six weeks, 
there's no problem. The most serious pain 
1 got was from the indentations the saddle 
1 had to wear 
ges. They tell me I was hanging on 
too tight because 1 was scared shitless. 


20. 


ravsor: In Chicago Joe und the Showgirl, 
you Пір acigarene in the air and catch it in 
your mouth before | Was that a 
skill you brought to the 
SUTHERLAND: No, I le. ast for that 
One scene at Ше end. [Demonstrates] 1 
thought it would be a nice touch. Then, 
after the film; done, 1 couldn't do it 
anymore, freaked me out. But 1 
realized of not being 
do it that had enabled me to get it ти 
every time. That was one of those | 
things that made me realize how much 1 
enjoy what I do 


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ки 


MENTHOL 


PLAYBOY 


IN THIS CORNER (continued fiom page 101) 


“It is refreshing to see one professional athlete who 
resists—or at least tries—hustling product.” 


about Mike 1 
of Bill and 1. 


son; I told her I'm the son 
la Dou; 
. 

John Johnson looks like Rip Torn, 
complete with the devilish eyebrows and 
deep reptilian eyes. He is Douglas’ man- 
ager Johnson's idol is Woody Hayes, 
with Jesus Christ running a strong sec- 
ond. Still, he is likable enough, consider- 
ing the various species of vermin that 
inhabit the world of boxing. He feigns 
congeniality better than Wayne Newton. 
There is still plenty of the West V 
coal country left in his voice—Red 
et, West Virginia, land of the U.M.W. 
and hardscrabble poverty, black-lung 
disease and football. 

"Im a coach; my license plates say 
соми J." When Johnson mentions 
Hayes, he blows a kiss skyward, toward 
heaven. No shit. He tells me of the great 
sense of hope he gets from Douglas. 

“I walked up to Don King at the 
weigh-in in Tokyo. I kinda smiled at 
him, looked over Tyson, and then I told 
him, ‘We gonna kick his fuckin’ ass. He's 
too little.” Johnson gives me a smile, He 
doesn’t like King, but he tempers his 
marks so as not to do irreparable dam- 
age. Well, almost. “I ain't worried about 
him; besides, his ass belongs to us now.” 
ively, is an interesting state- 


ment. Since the “long count” nonsense 
(Douglas was knocked down and given a 
standing eight count that King contend- 
ed was a few seconds too long), the ta- 
bles have turned a bit. King tried to blow 
smoke up the collective ass of every gov- 
erning body in boxing. With his Hou- 
dinilike way with the English language, 
he had damn near stolen back the 
heavyweight championship. He һай 
José Sulaiman and the rest of boxing’s 
alphabet boys looking squirrelly at one 
another, wondering il they'd all seen the 
me fight. Johnson is still sore about 
that. “That fuck! He comes into the 
greenroom at HBO the night after the 
fight and he's lookin’ at us, kind of 
laughin’, so I walk up to him and 1 tell 
him, "You'd better not be laughin’ at 
James Douglas, ‘cause if you are, buddy, 
you are history.” Johnson smiles big and 
wide like a hungry alligator. “James 
Douglas is wearing the belt, my man.” 
. 

As fights go, it wasn't even close. 
Douglas chased Tyson down like an ei 
rant kid brother; for the first time in 
lyson's career, he was the hunted. It 
wasn't so much a fight as it was a simple 
old-style ass kicking; not so much sci- 
ence as passion, more will than sl 
Tyson looked sluggish and a tad fat, 


ADS 
SEQUESTERED 
JURORS IN 


he ran into а willful, emotionally 
charged fighter who meant to do more 
than survive the meanest pachyderm of 
all. As he'd said a week before, he meant 
to knock out Tyson. 
. 

scheduled stop for Douglas 
а grammar school, Edward Jen- 
‚ in the Cabrini-Green 
housing project on Chicago's Near 
North Side. 

The entire way there, Douglas looks 
out the window of the white stretch 
limo, adding one-word or two-word 
comments to whatever conversations are 
going on. The conversations are about 
image-making stuff. What little en- 
tourage Douglas has is certainly tight- 
lipped and wary of the press, putting 
out one message: Douglas is a nice guy. 
Not a wile beater or a head case like hi 
brooding predecessor. So far, Douglas 
has made all the right public moves; he 
has done practically nothing but cha 
ties like Farm-Aid; һе has visited or- 
phanages and has done all other 
manner of good-guy events short of ki 
ing babies. I ask Douglas why he isn't 
copping to the commercialendorse- 
ment gravy train. Johnson leaps in to 
wer that ques! his is what gives 
him inner peace, my 

By this ume I realize that Johnson is a 

PR man's wet dream. Only in America 
сап а man who looks like a bad velvet 
painting of Elvis and possesses the heart 
and soul of a ри bull manage the heavy- 
weight champion of the world. However, 
it is refreshing to see one professional 
athlete who resists—or at least tries to 
resist—hustling product. 
1 o could be that the Madison Av- 
enue sharks are waiting 10 see how 
Douglas fares against Evander Holyfield 
or, better yet, Tyson again before they 
unlimber their wallets. Douglas will beat 
Holyfield, and then he will beat Tyson. 
Again. And if old man Foreman gets a 
crack at the championship belt, he'll 
beat him, too. In fact, Foreman might 
even be the most interesting of the three 
fights. How do 1 know? The night of the 
fight, I called around to all the bookies I 
know, trying to lay a sucker bet on 
Douglas (even though 1 was sure he was 
going to lose). The odds were 42-1. You 
do the math: Had I been able to find a 
bookie who would have taken the bet, 1 
would have made myself some consider- 
able cake. The weirdest thing happened, 
though—no one would take my dough, 
not even my regular book, a guy who 
takes money from eve 
leper. 

T took this as a sign from God, because 
any time your regular bookie passes up 
50 easy bucks, its time to check his 
pulse. Or something big and unexpect- 
ed is going to happen. 
. 
s grew up in Columbus, Ohio. 
father, once a middleweight 


Dougl. 
His 


contender touted as Bill “Dynamite” 
Douglas, was always a 
sure the future champ 
James's uncle J. D. McCauley w 
involved in boxing, as a trainer. 
grandfather hung the tag Buster on 
him, and from the age of ten, he was 
„ He also garnered praise as a bas- 
player, eventually 
ip to Mercyhurst 
played сай all day and the 
night,” he says. 

s the most stabilizing 


factor in 
his mother. She would offer 
helpful criticism of his fights, often 


telling him to quit, knowing full well it 
would goad him into doing better. The 
Douglas household was пейһе 

poor. “E always had plenty to e 
frigerator was always full. I never went 
without in my life. My parents sacrificed 
a lot for me. They made sure I got an 
education.” 

His father also made sure that he got 
the best training for the ring. Douglas 
refers to him as one of his boxing idols, 
along with Muhammad Ali, When 1 
asked why his father walked out of 
Douglas’ camp before the Tyson fight, 
Johnson suggested I not bring it up 
again 


. 
Cabri sreen stands like an ominous 
field of tombstones. The building: 
colorless cement boxes with brok а 
boarded windows. This place is a stand- 
ing monument to urban poverty and the 
economic slavery that its residents live 
with day in and day out. It suffers some 
of the worst gang violence in C шо. 

We pull into Cabrini in the limo. This 
is the first time any heavyweight cham- 
pion has ever visited Jenner Elementary. 

Douglas is led to a small, packed audi- 
torium by state representative Jesse 
White and is greeted by absolute pande- 
monium—<hildren standing, some оп 
their chairs, pping, hooting and 
cheering, Douglas cracks his first smile 
of the day. He takes hi me and moves 
his eyes over the crowd as if recording 
every face. Alter some brief comments 
by White—most of which are about stay- 
ing in school and away from drugs— 
Douglas is introduced. His comments 
are interrupted by a small black voice: 
“Why you whoop Mike Tyson?” 

Alter that, Dou veneer of calm ік 
gone. He les ear to сағ Johnson 
ans over to me: “This is why he loves 
being the heavyweight champ.” 
ease with the children 


a tie with a pin. The Іше girls seem 
especially smitten, staring up at him 
with wide, longing eyes and pursed lips 
The boys, however, swagger up with 
home-boy bombast, all puffed out, as if 


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PLAYBOY 


168 


s notice. 


to mirror the champ and seek hi 
Douglas gives each child his attention 
He answers the kids’ questions, no mat- 
ter what they ask, in a deliberate, meas- 
ured voice them he ік 
listen 
time, loo! 
minding the ch: 
stops to make, but doesn 
budge until each kid ha utograph 

handshake. One of the last boys 
aches up and gives Douglas a shot on 
the jaw, a pugnacious gesture; Buster 
looks him over evenly and tells him he 
wouldn't do t . The boy retreats 
with a grin wide enough to paddle a са- 
noe through: he then quietly confides го 
a friend, “I just whooped the heavy- 
weight champion of the world and he 
didn't do shit." 


d gently re- 
he has other 


. 

On our way ош of Jenner Elementary, 
Douglas spies a boy sitting in the princi- 

al's office. The kid has a nervous look 
оп his face, the kind that lets one know 
that somebody's in deep shit. Douglas 
puts his hand on the kid’s head and says, 
Stay out of trouble, ‘cause I 
on you.” The boy nods his head and as- 
sures Douglas that Jenner Elementary 
will suffer no more of his brand of ter 
rorism, for the rest of the day at least. 
Down the hall Douglas looks over at me. 
“Гус been in that doghouse myself; 
nothin’ to 


. 

Douglas career hasn't exactly been 
the stuff legends are made of; he has lost 
to some bums, including the slow-as-a- 
postcard David Bey and the wholly un- 
spectacular Jesse Ferguson. "I should 
have killed him,” Douglas says. “What a 
dumb fight.” 

He also fought to a draw with Stefan 
Tangstadt, the 207-pound herring from 
Norway. With the possible exception of 
‘Tony Tucker, Douglas’ résumé reads like 
а Whos Who of heavyweight bumhood 
that includes such luminaries as Percell 
Davis, David Jaco and the aptly named 
Jerry “Wimpy” Halstead. 

A closer look will give one a better 
idea why Douglas was ready for Tyson. 
His two pi h Trevor 
Berbick, whom Tyson had reduced to an 
onscious form of break dancing, and 
Oliver McCall, a mostly unknown but 
powerful heavyweight (rom. Chicago— 
and a former sparring partner of 
‘Tyson's. Both fights were ten-rounders 
and neither was a cakewalk. Douglas 
had to know that the only hind of fighter 
who would have a prayer against Tyson 
would have to (A) be taller and (B) have 
reach ach, to avoid ‘Tyson's 
body a d left hook. Douglas won 
this fight by counterpunching, the only 
1 beat Tyson. Tony Tuck- 
1 а handle him a few 
г the first four rounds, he 
d stayed away from 
the alley fight long enough to actually 


ted the Brooklyn bully 
and we would different 
heavyweight picture now, But Tucker 
decided to dance Tyson's dance and got 
swallowed whole 

Douglas went at Tyson with will, giv- 
ing him all the credit and caution one 
would afford a small obstacle; 
he had reduced Tyson to nothin; 
than a detail of the larger picture. 

Tyson's corner also helped him lose. 
While Iron Mike's eyes were swelling up 
like large purple plums, his corner wa 
looking for ice. They had forgotten to 
bring the hunk of cold steel that reduces 
swelling. This is a little free advice for 
Tyson: Get Kevin Rooney E EÊ 
Don King. Old hurricane head has done 
you no solids, and he doesn't hang much 
with Larry Holmes anymore, in case you 
haven't noticed, 


е a v 


t was as if 
mor 


. 

Ó little before one o'clock, we enter 
through the back door of Walter Pay- 
ка Bar in Chicago's River 
The place is a Yuppie 
of red, white and blue, сот- 
che 


tons Amel 


scs 1 leader 
and late-Seventies disco ambi- 
ce. We are led upstairs 10 the office, 
where Payton appears with two manage- 
ment toadies. One of the m; gers is 
the talker, full of mechanical warmth. 
Douglas cuts him short to tell him that 
he had trouble gaining admittance to 
one of Payton’s clubs in Columbus, 
Ohio. He curtly adds that he wasn't the 
only black who had trouble getting in. 
Payton glares at the managers. Douglas 
dds, “It was some big motherfucker 
named Tony.” Payton n 
ing gesture while staring the managers 
down. They get the message. The poor 
1 а verbal backpedal so 
fevered that their heads sweat. Payton 
and Douglas smile at cach other 

Alter Douglas finished signing boxing 
gloves for a charity auction, we move 
downstairs to the dance floor/dining 
room for an informal press conference 
The place is a madhouse. Seemingly ev- 
ery sportswriter, gossip columnist and 
media scrounge in Chicago is here. 

Payton and Douglas move through 
the crowd like old pals. squaring off 
from time to time when a photo op 
es, both media savvy enc 
a bit so it makes good cop 
they're just two guys on top of the wo 

nd е g it. Douglas has a 
the-guys aplomb that serves him well in 
this crowd; he is at ease, perhaps more 
Payton, who acredible 


er 


so than 


sw 
is the way he si 


put being 


vives thi 
cessibility th; 


late, and he seems perfectly happy 
being who he is 
Dou signing everything from 
magazines to speed bags. He is marked- 
ly different from the way he was at Jer 
ner Elementary, He is polite but cur 
One mousse victim with a bad tie asks 
him to sign something to the elfect of 
“To a fellow Buckeye”; Douglas looks up 
ames Buster” Doug- 
with a smi 
ph. 
„ Rodney Rodgers 
tive smile. Rodgers 
his famous friend. 
He rarely says anything unless he is talk- 
ing with Douglas. One can tell immedi 
ately that he is nota hanger-on; when he 
and Douglas speak. they tuck their 
heads together like two schoolboys shar- 
ing a dirty joke. They've known each 
other since childhood and often coi 
ücate with gestures only the two of 
them understand, Its nice to see а 
gher with a real friend rather than 
his people,” the endless entourages 
that inhabit the half-world of celebrity 
While Rodgers and Douglas take a break 
to eat, both laugh and joke as though 
unaware of their surroundings. In 
middle of their meal, some Yuppie sticks 
his face between them and starts bab- 
bling. One sharp look from Rodgers 
ends the intrusion. 
. 

Back at the Fairmont: For the first 
ume all day, I have Douglas alone. Well, 
almost. Rodge Шеге, but he is so 
quiet that I barely notice him. I ask 
Douglas about nder Holyfield. 

“Hell come right at me.” He pauses. 
“1 got something for him.” 

He's right. Holyfield doesnt have 
much in the way of a bag of tricks, but he 
is always in superb condition and he is 
deceptively fast. Although he’s not а nat- 
al heavyweight, moving up in weight 
hasn't taken anything off his punch. It 
should be a good fight and Douglas 
should win. He is bigger and stronger. И 
Holyfield pulls an upset, he will be only 
the second light-heavyweight fighter in 
boxing history to move up in weight and 
capture the heavyweight tide; Michael 
Spinks was the f a bout with the 
mingly comatose Larry Holmes. 
Holyfield’s corner could get stupid, 
too. Lou Duva, his trainer, recently cost 
Meldrick Taylor his title in а bout with 
Julio Cesar Chavez. Taylor. ahead on ev- 
ery card for virtually every round, came 
for the last of a 12-round boi ad, 
at Duva's prodding, mixed it up with 
Chavez and got himself knocked out 
h two seconds left fight. 
Smooth move, Lou. So, аз far as br 
the corner go, Douglas is well ahead 
with his uncle |. D. McCauley 

I mention to Douglas that no one 
expects him to beat Tyson twice. 

“I hope they keep on thinking that: 
their doubt is what fueled me the first 


las, love and peace, 
his standard autog 

During all of th 
watches with a plai 
every bit as big 


ш- 


w 


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ргатвот 


170 


time. 1 don't seek their appro 
want them to doubt me. I need no one's 
approval 

1 decide to go on to another topic: 
Don King. 

“He's a smart man,” 


1 almost choke on my coffee. I remind 
the champ that this is the man who tried 
to steal his title. 
ad he w 
w do it... .. Hey, he is a character 

1 can't believe what I hear. Everything 
Гуе seen in Douglas today has led me to 
believe that he is decent, moral, col 
ent and, above all, acutely intelligent. 

“It was business, not per 

1 want to stay on the subject, but it 
seems there's nothing else to sa 
sudden, the heavyweight champ 
the world stands straight up and his 
breaks into a beaming smile. 1 look over 
my shoulder and automat 
at Ше same time. Muhammad Ali w: 
in, throwing play jabs at Douglas. 'm 
speechless as the champions embrace, 
Douglas аз clearly in awe as I am. The 
Greatest. We are introduced and 1 just 
nod, because | can't get real words out. I 
can only play back the silent movies one 
remembers in the presence of history: 
Clay standing over Sonny Liston: Ali 
knocking out George Foreman in the 
sweltering heat of Zaire; Clay spouting 


hart in the way he tried 


poetry; Ali embodying it; Ali coming 
back lor Leon Spinks; rope-a-dope; Joe 
Frazier falling; Tyson groping for his 
mouthpiece. 


It dawns on me that the authors of the 
two greatest upsets in the history of box- 
ing are siting across from me, and it's 


odd to me how much Clay-Liston and 
‘Tyson—Douglas seem like distant mirre 
of each other. 

After that thought, I feel like a 
truder I want to leave them alone and 
let them share in cach others histo: 
Just then, Douglas shoots me a 1 
look. 

“That man is still sharp as a tack; you 
make sure you write that” We stare at 
ich other, and 1 nod. 

. 
After Ай retreats to Douglas’ hi 
room, 1 ask Douglas if he has done 
shopping yet. 

“I'm gonna get a boat . . . 
the water... me and my son 
go fishin’... and then I'm gon 
team.” 

1 ask him if he wants to be an en- 
trepreneu 


id 


tel 
ny 


a Caddy in 
gonna 


mother 
world . . . and my mother isn't here to 
see it.” Douglas gets quiet for а second 

“Two or three fights, tops . . . 
held, 
then Fm done .. . sı 
isa means to an end.” 

As we finish up. John Johnson int 
rupts, telling me to get lost, telling the 
champ that “you don't keep Muham- 
mad Ali w: was the trin 
thing he had said all day- 

1 shook hands with the heavyweight 
mpion of the world, the son of Bill 


t livin . . . boxing 


ch 


“Free weights, Nautilus, jogging, racquetball. What 
are you doing inslead of sex? 


THE HEADER 
(continued fram page 96) 


“We'll live with my friends Егіс and 
Fra Larry Olseth said. "hey re 
spray-paint artist 
next to the electric 
Way. М 
poems on the walls 
ings of shrunken heads and bicycle han- 
dle bars. Eric's got с fire hydrant. 
and all around it are these yellow cats. 
Not dogs but cats. Is terrific. He's got it 
displayed in their bedroom, under the 
basketball hoop." 

“Someone's missing tliroa 
Dong said, and he didn't mea 
or Saka-san. 

“Throat, throat, throat,” his brother 
Hwen-Mao said. “Three throats’ 

Larry Olseth hummed a song when 


e of 


!" Dung 
Umass 


“I've got thi А 
restaurant in Mussoorie, India. We'll 
leave from his place. Think of it, masala 
dosa (or lunch, tandoori chicken for din- 
- In the evenings, we'll bathe in the 
headwaters of the Ganges, pray to the 
sacred Siva, sleep under the Hindu 
heaven. Imagine. Agnes, riding a one- 
сі, meals served to us on 
pping arrack and read- 
ing Upanishads to each other until dawn.” 

The crew was quickly becoming 
noyed. No one liked the looks of Lar 
Olseth's fish. We kept looking down the 
belt 10 see how Ido-san was grading 
them. If too many fish went into the 
wrong tote. we might have to find new 
jobs. Windell wouldn't fire a college boy, 
we knew that, even if he sent 5000 fish tc 
the cannery. Larry Olseth butchered 
jerks, like he was gutting a deer. He 
shoved in the knife the way you would 
bust open a sternum, and he carved 
mouths in the gullets, complete with 
e, 1 had to stop 


the throats! 
~The bloodlines! 
и the bloodlines! 

“This is what we'll do,” Larry Olseth 
said. “We'll stock a cupboard with sex 
tools. Vibrators, dildos, fruit-flavored 
jellies. We'll only use condoms with little 
nubbins on them, and we'll video-tape 
our sexcapades. In Korea, Agnes, men 
and women pull strings of pearls out of 
each other. We can order through the 
mail. ГИ get two, one for each of us.” 

“Look,” I said and held up а fish. Eggs 
poured out its open neck like bath-oil 
beads. "Vm behind because of you. 

Dui 
“Goddamn,” he said, 
head. “Goddamn.” 

Paolo's voice boomed from the end ol 
the line, “Too much blood in the fish!” 


Dung-Dong said 
Hwen-Mao said. 


couldn't 
bloodli 


“Goddamn.” Dung-Dong 
scrape the blood if the 
weren't сиг. 

The fish with guts in them were two 
slots from Hwen-Mao's scraping spoon. 
Between them and me were no fewer 
than six fish. Larry Olseth tui 
eyes on me. They were as blue 
of marbles. “Whats eating you, Ag 
he asked. Just then, I backed into the 
steel toe of Hwen-Mao's rubber boot and 
1 landed flat on my back on the carpet of 
guts. Spleens and intestines covered my 

ace. Larry Olseth offered me his hand 

Stop the belt!" Hwen-Mao said when 
he opened a fish and saw its guts and 
eggs intact. 
Carl turned off the belt and came 
around the far end of the header. 
“What's going on?" he asked, picking up 
an end wrench from the box of tools and 
slapping it in his palm a few times. No 
one wanted to annoy Carl. Не was 
strong enough to throw a wrench five 
times the length of the one in his hand, 
sure-sighted enough to hit an empty 
beer can from 12 yards. When Carl was 
only 15, Windell had caught him with 
his daughter up on Alitak Mountain, 
fucking on the flat slab of rock nex 
the fallen-down radio tower W 
marched him down the side of the 
mountain back to the cannery, а ri- 
fle barrel pointed at his head. Then he 
handcuffed Carl to the flagpole for the 
night, and in the morning, Carl watched 
the helicopter lift off with the girl in the 
cockpit The next summer, Windell 
made Сап foreman. At 19, he was a bet- 
ter foreman than men twice his age. 

“The new guy,” Dung-Dong said. 

“What new guy?” Carl asked. He 
knew who Dung-Dong was talking 
about, but playing stupid was part ofthe 
game. Most of the people on the butcher 
Іше couldn't have explained a situation 
in English to save their lives, which was 
why we made an effort to get along. 
he new guy,” Dung-Dong said, and 
motioned with his head. 

Carl looked at Larry Olseth, but his 
back was turned, helping me pick go- 
nads and bladders off my jacket. Anger 
flashed in my brothers eyes, but Larry 
Olseth was as oblivious to it as a fish on 
the belt. “I'd like to take you right here, 
Agnes. Right here in the guts,” Larry 


ез 


Olseth whispered. Carl lowered himself 


off the platform, came up to me on the 
other side of the belt and slid two slick 
fingers underneath my chin 

You all right, Agnes?" he asked 

СТ E said, and pushed Lar 


ies, 
Olseth awa 

“You fall by accident, or somebody 
push you" 

“Nobody pushed me, Carl," 1 said. 

He looked at me. “You need to be 
meaner,” he said 


One of the ways he had tied to make 
me meaner was by putting the barrel of 
a decr rifle to my temple k out the 
window and make up a story,” he would 
say, punching out the safety on the mag- 
azine. And looking into the winter fog, 
which rose up out of the sea as thick as 
grass, 1 would begin a story about the 
Japanese glass float, the plastic doll's leg 
or the teacup handle of Chinese porce- 
lain—all bits of exotic jetsam Га disco 
cred while digging for steamer clams 
But before 1 could get past the setting, 
he would make the hammer click-click- 
dick in the hollow chamber. “You're bo 
ing me, Agnes,” he would say. 
believed that to live year round in 
Ahkiok, Alaska, a person had to be 
mean, I believe a person mustn't get 
bored. 


He withdrew his fing which left 
my throat wet. [ watched him grab the 
rail of the platform and pull himself 
back up. When Carl was halfway back, 
Dung Dong said, “Aren't you going to 
say something to the new guy? 
arl spun around. He thought a mo- 
nt. “I might tell Windell Dung- 
Dong's getting too old to work." 

“Im not too old!” Dung-Dong 
shrieked. Some refugees worked until 
they were 100, 

Carl started up the header. “Life's 
short, Agnes,” Larry Olseth said. The 
fish came one to а slot, packed in as tight 
as the links on a watch band. Larry 
Olseth said, “АП right, Agnes. ГИ do the 
job right.” 

“You couldn't if you tried," I said. 

“Oh, yeah? 


The 


ations of Playboy material. 7. V 
will est be rated. For Ist 


st be postmarked by Jnnvery 1, 


il your typed, double-spaced 
homo oddress рен 
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171 


PLAYBOY 


172 


"Yeah," I said. 

But he did. He bowed to Uma-san 
and asked him to teach him the 
Japanese way of salmon butchering. 
Uma-san raised his eyebrows so they 
looked like little V-shaped templ 
his forehead. "Japanese way? 

"Yes," Larry Olseth said. 

I was amazed. Larry Olseth’s fish im- 
proved as soon as Uma-san showed him 
how to hold the knife and glide the 
blade. He slit the throats, bellies 
bloodlines perfectly, so that the egg 
slid out as smoothly as Popsi 
were happy. Hwen-Mao and Dung- 
Dong scraped the snakes of blood off the 
spinal columns and flung them at 
Chung-Soo when he came to collect the 
tote of fish heads. "Good job, Larr 
Uma-san said. Paolo 
song. 

For a while, total harmony united us, 
from the slimers and the scrapers on 
down the line to me, the egg puller. I 
asked Larry Olseth, “Why'd Windell put 
you on the butcher line? You've never 
even butchered before.” 

“Because | asked him 
Olseth said 

“And he just did it? 

= - I told him I was in love with 
you, Agnes. | said, "Listen, Windell. if 
you don't let me butcher fish next to 
Agnes Agnug, itll be your fault if I leave 


voice boomed in 


to” Li 


tomorrow and never see he 
"He said, ‘You're absolutely ги 
Ifl did c lo you, Га be unable 
to sleep nights, I'd be so disgusted with 
myself, DIE put you on the butcher line 
first thing after ten-o'clock mug-up. 

I shook my head. 

"Seriously. nes. Та 
me here and he did.” 

That didn’t surpri 
aps adv 


Larn 


ked him to put 


е me. The college 
ising the names of 
mal C: 


cies. 

Olseth’s cap said cevovac, the compa 

that made the bags we froze the fish 

Still, it angered me. 
Larry Olseth said, 71.4 

morrow and you'll neve 
“But 1 don't love you, 
“You don't?” 


«we with me to- 
be poor.” 
1 said. 


"No," I sai 
"But you told me you did.” 
e 
True. Three nights earlier, 1 had told 


Larry ОБет | loved him. How it hap- 
pened was, I was sitting on his bed when 
he handed me a m h two big 
lines of cocaine on it. s," he said, 
and handed me a rolled-up $100 bill. 
We took turns snorting, and when we 
were through, he set up two more lin 
and told me I could have them both. 1 
I, and they were gone, 1 


when 


“Tm not selling sex. I'm selling condoms and offering 
[ree demonstrations." 


thought Td never seen a handsomer 
boy 

I said, “Lets go for a walk on the 
pier" He slipped a pint of Johnnie 
Walker into his jacket and held the doc 
for me. Outside the dorm, a big full 
moon had risen over the ocean. I said, 


“The killer whales will be feeding to- 
night.” 
We sipped whiskey as we passed the 


looked like people hunched over in the 
darkness, but I wasn't afraid. Pd walked 
to the end of the pier plenty of 
nights—sometimes alone. In front of the 
freezer. | bit Larry Olseth's ear and told 
him, “Put your ound me, Larry.” 
He did, and I asked him if he wanted to 
go to a place only I knew about, a secret 
place under the dock. 

“Yes,” he said, and I led him by the 
hand to the slippery wooden ladder at 
the end of the pier. 

‘The rungs were wet and cold. When 1 
came within three feet of the glistening 
water, I called up to him, “Come on. 
Larry.” As I reached with my foot for the 
slick plank, E could see him start down 
one foot at a time, the soles of. 
his sneakers flitting between the rungs 
like ghosts. 1 gripped the rope railing 
and balanced across the narrow beam, 
crunching barnacles under my boots, to 
the bed made out of old two-by-fours. 
"Come on," I d. A good two feet 
above the high-water mark, the bed was 
the perfect place to keep blankets and 
s. 1 reached for Larry Olseth 
he handed me the boule and 


ms ai 


and 
climbed in next to me. Above us, moon- 
light filtered through planks in the pier. 


fa 


swish in 


making bars across ou 
we heard the 
whales drawn to the shimimi hools 
of Dolly V he dock. I 
said, “Kiss me, Larry.” He unzipped my 
pants. 1 said, “Yes, finger me, 
And while he did, I said I loved him. 
. 

At the end of the line, Paolo sang а 
love song with French words in it. Larry 
Olseth butchered only every fifth fish, 
but they were turning out as good as ei 
ther Uma-san’s ог Saka-san's, so Uma- 
san asked him to try every fourth fish. 
“OK,” Larry Olseth said. 

“Үшке the little girl that 1 adore” 
sang. 

Love needs time to evolve,” Lar 
Olseth sad. “It wt happen 
overni, 

nurtu 


rdens unde: 


Paolo 


given 
ever love you.” 


baut love,” Larry 
nk of the drugs.” 
. 


I did. Underneath the pier, | told L 


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ry Olseth about the death: 
knew killing themselves for no rea 
Most of them did it in the winter, when 
the horizontal rains slashed against the 
aluminum siding of the houses for 
months at a time and no one had any 
hope of cocaine coming around until 
May. A boy told his family he was going 
out to kill a deer. A girl said she was go- 
ing for a walk and her father hung th 
rifle on her shoulder for protection 
against bears. They'd place the end of 
the barrel against the roof of the 
mouths and push the trigger with thei 
thumbs. I told Larry Olseth to imagine 
ripping planks for coffin wood from the 
floors of the abandoned seiners south of 
the cannery. That's what little kids in the 
village did. I told Larry Olseth about the 
suicides of E.J., Myra and Т. Pontiac, 
and before that of Rhoda, Ewell and 
Buster, kids who had climbed up the 
mountain out of the wo ds Then 1 tola 


youth was to 
maintain a steady flow of drugs into our 
community year round. 

. 

“J love you, I love you, I lo-o-ove you," 
ng. Things were going fine. On- 
ased fish went to the cannery. Ido- 
san sent the rest to the freezer. 

“We send the coke third-class parcel 
post,” Larry Olseth said. “It's cheap. No- 
body checks it. It gets here.” 

Uma-san said, “Real good, Larry. R 
good." He was referring to үш 
Olseth's fish, which were good, mostly. 7 
couple of times, I noticed а throat or a 
bloodline that wasn't cut all the way, but 
1 wasn't going to say anything about a 
couple of salmon. For never having 
butchered before, he was doing a very 
good job. "Then Uma-san raised his eye- 
brows. “You try every third fish, Larry?” 

Sure,” Larry Olseth said, and Uma- 
san made a joke in Japanese that 1 didn't 
understand. 

Larry Olseth had to work his knife fast 
now, and some of his cuts were a little 
sloppy. “Your dream, Agnes. You said it 
was a sign.” 


. 

Yes. Underneath the рісі 
Olseth about the night last March when 
Т. Pontiac came to my house all drunk, 
asking me whether I had anything to 
smoke, Just cigarettes, 1 whispered. He 
wanted sheesh, he said. But he stood in 
the kitchen, anyway, eying me as if I 
were the drugs themselves. 1 pushed 
ШЕ том: T 
ket, he pulled out 
bei were debi мон. He 
he was going to smoke them 
another until they were gone, and then 
he was going up the mountain to blow 
off his head. 

Т said, Not now, Pontiac, you'll wake 


I told Larry 


people. We both laughed h 
etly—so that we wouldn't wake people. 
So many kids had killed themselves, 
mentioning it was almost a joke between 
us. Pontiac kissed me on the mouth and 
left through the side door into the rain 

I crawled back into bed with m 
кеге y. Carol had won а schola 
to pharmacology school in Anchorage, 
so every night after she left, 1 put her lit- 
de girl, Sarah, between my breasts and 
went to sleep listening to the іше pufis 
of air, in and out. When the gun went 
off, [dreamed Ud been shot through the 
heart. I felt the penetration of bullets 
and the flip of my body onto the peb- 
bles. I looked up and seven huntei 
mukluks formed a circle around me. 
boy with feathery blond hair knelt be- 
side me. Move her from the spot and 
she'll die, said one of the men. No, 
won't, said the boy. He stood me up on 
the stones to show them. Thank you, 1 
said, thank you very much. When I 
awoke in the morning, no one had to tell 
me that Pon ow dead, for 1 
knew it as if 1 had ha 

. 

"Remember, Agnes,” Larry Olseth 
said. “Underneath the pier. You told me 
1 was the blond-haired boy of your 
dream. You can't deny it. You said 


y sis- 
‚ship 


was 


A sign of what?" I asked. 

“How should 1 know Said Larry 
Olserh. He missed some more throats 
and bloodlines. He cut them, just not 
deeply enough, so the egg sacs came 
apart in my glove. Still, 1 said nothing. 
He was trying to do a good job. 

“Very fast learner, Larry” Uma-san 
could say that be е he didn't have to 
pull the egg sacs or scrape the blood 
from fish that were only half finished. 
Then he said, leave now. Bye-bye, 
Larry,” and set down his knife. “You 
butcher with Saka-san. Every other fish. 
Japanese.” Taking off his apron, he 
made another joke that nobody except 
Sal n understood, then removed his 
gloves and hung them on the wall be- 
hind him. He was done for the summer. 
Even though it wasn't quite noon, һе 
was going to Japan House to pack his 
things for the Night to Tokyo in the 
morning. As he walked through the fork 
gate behind the header, the fish rolled 
upon Larry Olseth like waves, pushing 
him like a raft at sea, until he was 
right next to me, jam- 
с me in the ribs with his elbow. 

“Throat!” Dung-Dong said. 

“Bloodline!” Hwen-Mao said. 

“Agnes,” said Larry Olseth. None of 
the throats and bloodlines were cut now. 
Sac upon sac ripped in my glove. “Leave 
with me. It's written in the cosmos. It's 
meant to be." 
wo more sacs ripped in my glove. 
“Vil leave with you, Larry" —these were 


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my exact words—"when all the throats 
аге cui 

My brother Carl looked at me from 
the header. All he had hei 
that I'd leave with Larry. 

. 

Around three in the afternoon, we 
finished butchering the last tote of 
salmon. Сап told us that belore we 
could leave, we had to sweep alll the guts 
into the drains, hose down the header, 
belt and tray tables and sponge-mop all 
the fish scales off the butcher-line wall. 1 
beat Dung-Dong to the broom, which 
nt that the old Vietnamese had to 
down the header. which was an OK 
job if Paolo kept the fire hose down. С: 
started up the crown lift, forked the tote 
of fish heads and drove off to dump it 
from the end of the pier. While the rest 
of us worked, Larry Olseth 
шайы а runner of the garage door, 
smoked cigarettes and stared at me with 
blue eyes. He had kept up all after 
noon, the same as Saka-san. Once he'd 
adjusted to the pace, nobody could com- 
plain about his work, not me, not Dung- 
Dong, not Hwen-Mao. 

I kept my eyes on my broom. The 


leaned 


purple livers, floppy white gonads and 
pink strings of tissue swirled like sunset 
clouds in the whirlpools above the 


drains. Larry Olseth was going to leave 
tomorrow оп the plane. I had that 
thought as 1 swept out fish heads from 
underneath the Бей апа sent them 
coasting off the end of my broom like 
shuffleboard pucks. I aimed them at the 
dı hey plopped through to 
the ocean below. Maybe we could be pen 
pals for a ye il we forgot 
the looks of each other's faces. 
‚oddamn.” 

1 looked up. Mario, the quiet slimer, 
was talking to Paolo about orange pick- 
g in Stockton where the 
Filipinos spent the nine months they 
didn't spend here. This sort of thing 
happened every day. Paolo got interest- 
ed and forgot he was holding the fire 
hose. My face had been blasted plenty of 
times. This time, though, it was Dung- 
Dong. The water came straight up and 
exploded off Dung-Dong's face like fir 
works. 

OF the 20 or so people who had seen 
Dung-Dong carried off the line on a 
stretcher two seasons earlier with a col- 
lapsed aorta, not one stepped in to do 
anything. Larry Obeth, of all people. 


ins, whe 


r or two or u 


pushed the fire hose down, and when he 
1s off 


did, 
me, yo 
as bi 

The old Vietnamese climbed down off 
the platiorm, his hair as wet and bristly 
as a newly hatched bird 
he asked. “He'll take 
thing out of your hands 


Мо said, "Keep your В 
white fucke i 


Paolo called the old man a cocksucker 
and held the nozzle level with the crotch 
of his rain pants. Dung t 
beeline for the garage doc 
face wembling like fish wrap 
breeze. Larry Olseth followed 1 out 
the door and leaned against a stack of 
pallets. It made me sick to think he was 
above having to help us with cleanup. 

1 climbed the header platform to 
finish wiping off the scales and blood 
from the collars, crown and blade. 1 
loosened the bolt on the blade and took 
it off so that I could pick out the globs of 
guts that were wrapped around the ro- 
tisserie like rubber bands. Dung-Dong 
ed as 1 was tightening the blade 

1 thought you went to get Carl, 
Paolo said as he wheeled around. 

" Dung-Dong 
said. “1 saw him driving the skiff.” 

Ahkiok was four miles away by water, 
which meant Carl had left for the day. 

No,” Paolo said, beami 
“Go ahead, call me a liar,” 
id. 

The fire hose twisted on the floor like 
a snake. "Another day, another dollar,” 
Paolo said as he turned off the water. I 
climbed off the platform, though 1 
hadn't finished cleaning it, walked past 
the fish house, the egg house, the frecz- 
er plant, but Г found only € 
lift, plugged into a socket in the side of 
the warehouse, and the hosed out tote 
drying in the sun. In the slip where С: 
tied up the skiff each morning hung the 
bowline. Its frayed end wafted back and 
forth in the current like h gling 
the legs of starfish stuck to the piling 
Normally, he wound and tied the rope 
and set it neatly under the seat. 

“Agnes.” | felt ту Olseth’s cool 
hands soft as а down-hilled hood over 
my ears. “I'm gone from here.” 

“What do you mean?” I asked, trying 
to size him, He had dark plates under 
his ey made him look pitiful and 
charming at the same time. 

“This place is not reality,” he said 
“Tm here, yes. But really, Im not.” He 
put a wad of Red Man as big as a jaw- 
breaker under his lip. “I've lost my 
mind, Agnes. It's aeons from here. ОП 
the coast of Egypt where Odysseus’ men 
ate lotus leaves and dreamed of moun- 
tains and waterfalls so real they wanted 
to stay there.” He cleared his throat and 
drooled a string of saliva a foot long off 
the end of the pier. 

“ба I'm saving that old V 
man's life back there—what’ 
Ding-Bat. But what Pm t 
is this thing Ir 
identified a сета 
they believed to be the А lotus eaten 
by the mariners. You saw that Filipino 
giant. He wanted to rend me limb from 
limb, but what Fm thinking about, 


g made a 
кка 
n the 


ris crown 


n en! 


чпатече 


his-name. 
king about 
ad about how botanists 


п hallucinogenic fern 


Agnes, is picking the little ferns and 
g them in my bag.” 

“Come on," I said. “Let's get out of 
è.” 

All right," he said. We took off our 
rain gear and boots, hung our pants and 
jackets on nails in the cloakroom, 
clipped our gloves to the clothesline. 1 
asked Larry Olseth whether he had any 
coke. 

“Of course,” he said, so we walked 
side by side in broad daylight past the 
open door of the machine shop, past the 
high-pitched whir of the power grinder, 
t the flying sparks 
of old Dan the ma- 
chini: We walked 
through the center of 
the mess hall, past 
Tiny, the head cook, 
nging, “Doo-doo-doo- 
didlee-doo-didlee-doo- 
doo" He would be 
gone tomorrow. At 
the top of the stairs, 
we walked past work 
boots, deck boots, ten- 


each one a burst of coolness like a breeze 
in my head, like the mist that curls off 
the breakers at high ude. I asked 
whether there was more. 

More what? 

You know,” I said, 

“What's left on the mirror, Go ahead, 
lick it off.” 1 did, and felt the tingle on 
my gums and tongue as I reached for 
the fly of Larry Olseth’s jeans. 

. 

At three лм, we woke to С pound- 
ing. He wanted us to let him in or he'd 
blow down the door. 


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А pounded the door. 

“Give me a minute.” Larry Olseth rose 
from the bed and covered himself with a 
white bathrobe. As 1 moved into the 
closet, my head nudged a bunch of loose 
hangers. “Dang,” I said, trying to steady 
about 30 of them with my hand, but they 
clanged anyway like chimes inside a 
clock. I pulled the closet door shut from 


arry Olseth said. 1 
rd the lock on the 
click and 
brother step into the 
room. The overhead 
light came on, making 
inside the closet 
at my feet, above my 
head and through the 
cracks in the panels. 1 
moved to the far end 
of the closet and 
pressed myself against 
the wall. 


my 


nis shoes, past cover- өңүн "Where's Agnes 

alls hanging from шн Carl asked. He м 

hooks and spotted scanning the room, 
with grease. No girls с g in the stuff on 
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Olseth opened the protection. And all Safetex condoms are manufactured in the most modern for things of mine in 
door to room six. state-of-the-art facility in the U.S. the mess the way he 


“We should be qui- 


et” 1 said. Larry 
Olscth locked the 
door. His underwear, 


socks, shampoo, wash- 
Чо» lay on his bed, 
ready to be packed. 1 
moved а couple of his 
shirts and made a 
place for myself on 
the bedspread. He 
opened the drawer of 
the bu ‚ removed 
a blue bag with a black 
drawstring. Inside it 
were the mirror and the canister 
coke. “Tomorrow, Agnes, ГІ be back in 
Seattle.” He dumped some of the 
chunky white powder onto the mirror 
and began to chop it with a razor blade. 
We spoke through our noses because a 
misdirected breath could send the parti- 
cles flying. “The first place Im going." 
Larry Olseth said, “is Umberto's Най 

Ice. For some raspberry.” With the edge 
ade he made four thick lines. 


of 


“Coke whore,” Larry Olseth said. He 
handed me the mirror and the rolled-up 
bill. I snorted my lines a third at a time, 


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“What do you want?" Larry Olseth 
asked. My hand rested on his 
My lips were at his ear. 

"Fm going to hide in the close: 
said. “If he finds me here, he'll cut me 
to strips and stuff me into a c 4 
Larry Olseth looked at me. “I 
М ЕСТІ! 

Let me in.” С As quietly as I 
could, I slipped off the bed, put on my 
clothes, picked my shoes and socks up 
off the floor, 1 didn't do the zipper be- 


si 


cause I thought it would make too much 
of 


und. 
‘Can't we ignore him?” Larry Olseth 
from the bed. “Won't he just go 


1900 Sas Corporation. 


looked for deer drop- 
pings on the side of 
the moun 
been here," 


he said. 
“Her scent is here.” 


“She left 
ago, Larry Olseth 
said. “She said she was 
going back to the vi 
lage.” 

“Гуе been to the vil- 
lage,” Carl said. 

“Yeah?” said Larry 
Olseth. 

“She wasn't there 
He paused. “You two fuck like rabbits, 
or what?” he asked. 

Larry Olseth shook his head. “This is 
crazy, Carl.” 

“So you two think you're leaving to- 
morrow on the plane?” 

lt was funny. Larry Olseth was in the 
bedroom and | was in the closet, but in 
that instant—the insta 
why Carl had come—our he: 
Кей to each other as boats in tow. La 
ту Оке laughed, not because anything 
“We kidding 
said she'd go.” 
а. 


hours 


were 


d what she 
"I've got a girlfriend, 
Olseth. “Allison's her ni 


" said Larry 
Allison 


mc. 


177 


PLATA OF 


178 


Wheeler. We've set the date.” 

“What were you doing with a filteen- 
year-old, then?” Carl asked. I heard the 
click of the safety and knew then that 
Carl had brought the deer rifle along 
with him. But I wasn't worried about 
Larry Olseth. The gun never had an: 
bullets in it. Besides, 
wanted, not him. 

“So what did 
asked, “The world? 
“1 didn't promise her a 
"We'll wait for her and see,” Carl said. 
nthe meantime, | want you to tell me 
astory.” 


iver hear 


the one about the sailo 
he sailor and the midget?" С; 
asked 

“That 
said. “In this one, he's sitting at supper 
with his wife and kid." 

Tell it,” Carl said. 

“The guy's spent his whole life collect- 
ing things,” Larry Olseth said. "He's 
done pretty well for himself, Even оп 
the junky items. One day, a dervish p 
es his house and sees the marble pillar 
and onion domes and thinks to himself, 
Why should he get to bask in Allah's fa- 


vor, eat pecans, drink tea, when I’m 
lucky to get a slice of goat cheese? The 
more he thinks about it, the more pissed 
off he gets. karl 
him. Yet 1 go hungry while he dines on 
the brains of monkey 
“Get up,” Carl said. I heard the rustle 
of bedding, the sigh of the mattress, as 
Larry Olseth stood up. “We're going for 
а walk,” Carl said, and I heard Larry 
Olseth’s feet on the carpet. “Keep talk- 
ing," Carl said. "You re getting me inter 
ested.” The hinges creaked as Larry 
Olseth opened the door. Through the 
wall of the closet, 1 heard them in the 
hall. 1 opened the closet door and crept 
across the room. 1 peeked around the 
molding as the two boys moved past 
rooms П and 13. 
So the sailor invites the guy in,” Lar- 
ry Olseth said, "puts him at the head of 
the table, says, "Eat. So the guy The 
sailor says, "Perhaps when you've heard 
my story, you'll think twice before you 
envy me again." Larry Olseth opened 
the door of the second-floor landing 
“Out,” Carl said, and pushed the 
rel into the back of his head. 
су were moving down the steps. 1 
crept down the hall after them and 


I wo ! as hard as 


“How interesting! I always thought the science of 
phrenology was limited to heads." 


opened the door at the end of the hall 


and slipped into the night. Their foot 
steps creaked on the stairs like boats 
against the pier. "On my first voyag 


says the sailor, ‘the captain mistook the 
back of a sea monster for a small island." 
Larry Olseth stepped onto the sidewalk, 
a ghost in his white bathrobe. The rifle 
barrel linked them like a horse and rid- 
er. "Some of us disembarked. Soon the 
ocean quaked. The island sank beneath 
our feet. We watched our ship depart 
without us.” I followed them past the 
nurse’s office, the ndry room, the 
main desk. The moon was as full as 
the underbelly of a whale. There were 
no clouds, 
white and black. “Some were devoured 
by the monster. Others by the sea. But 
by the mercy of the waves, a few of us 
were thrown ashore on the island of 
Cassel, once the waiting grounds. for 
grooms of the benevolent maharaja but 
now the home of the giant, man-eating 
Cyclops.” 

1 stayed in the shadows next to the 
carpentry shed, crouching behind the 
concrete blocks stacked next to it. They 
disappeared behind the corner of the 
machine shop. When 1 came to the cor- 
ner, | made myself as long and n 
as a drain spout and poked my I 
the walkway. 
he's out there,” Carl said. "She's lis- 
tening.” He pushed Larry Olseth past 
the cannery, the paint-supply closet. the 
seale room, luring me along with the 
sound of Larry Olseth's sweet voice. 

“He scooped us up in his hands the 
second we arrived and locked us in his 
cave." They came to a halt in front of 
the entrance to the butcher line. 1 fol- 
lowed in the darkness, darting between 
the stacks of pallets. 

Carl dropped the ke: 


no colors, only shades of 


door on the concrete apron. “Open it,” 


to the garage 


he said. As Larry Olseth picked up the 
key, I realized he was telling this story to 
save my Ме. He thought the longer 
kept Carl interested, the more time 1 
uld have to go get help. And the truth 
Га have banged on the door of 

cottage, screamed bloody 
o the stars had 1 truly believed 


he 


The garage door rattled on its run- 
ners. “He looked at each of us. He 
picked me up by the neck. Then he set 
me down. I wasn’t savory enough lor 
him. He had his eye on our captain." I 
moved along the outside of the corru- 
gated shed. Lights came on above the 
butcher line. A thou. 


the belt, tray tables 


other side wer 

header. 
“She's out ther said “I smell 

her.” I was beside the entrance, next to 


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SWORN STATEMENT: 


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Mark Davis 


© 1980 JOHN WRIGHT 


180 


Arx 


HOW TO BUY 


Playboy Style Page 
Роде 22: Cole Насп Tensile Ай 
shoe collection, available at 
selected Saks Fifth Avenue; 
‘Mork Shale, Chicago and Dal- 
las; Bullocks, Pasadena, Sher- 
man Oaks, South Coast Plaza. 


Fall and Winter Fashion 
Forecast 

Page Вб: Overcoat, suit and tie 
all by Cerruti 1881, 212-664- 
0630. Barney's New York, N.Y.C.; Syd 
Jerome, Chicago; Cerruti 1881 Boutique, 
Toronto. Shirt by Verri. Verri, N.Y.C. and 
L.A.; Jeraz, Chicago. Scarf by Loro Pionafor 
David Glazer. Barney's New York, N.Y. 
Ultimo, Chicago. Fedora by Bollman Hats, 
212-564-6480. J.J. Hat Center, N.Y.C.; 
Henry the Hatter, Detroit. 


Page 87: Overcoat, suit, shirt and tie by 
Huge Boss, 212-935-5353. Emanvel, 
N.Y.C.; Raleigh Limited, Indianapolis; Lenzo 
of Paris, L.A. Packet square by Salvatore 
Ferragamo, 212-246-6211. Salvatore Ferra- 
gamo, N.Y.C. and select specialty stores 
nationwide. 


Page 88: Shoe Still Life. From top to bottom: 
deerskin onkle boot by Andrea Getty for Jan- 
dreani, 212-753-4666. Jandreani, N.Y.C. 
‘Suede ankle boot by To Boot New York, 212- 
463-0437. То Baot, N.Y.C.; Bergdorf Good- 
man, N.Y.C.; Dimensions, Philadelphia; I. 
Magnin, San Francisco. Suede/polished- 
leather ankle boot from Aldo Brue by Nancy 
Knox, 212-995-0444. Avventura, Chicago, 
San Francisco, Costa Mesa, Cal, Suede 
monk-strap ankle boot, by Charles Jourdan 
Morsieur, 212-628-0133. Charles Jaurdan, 
N.Y.C., Atlantic City, Beverly Hills. 


Page B9: Coat by Verri. Verri, N.Y.C. and 
LA.; Jeroz, Chicago. Sports coat, shirt and 
trousers by MW Moss, 212-398-1210, 
L'Uomo Vogue, Southfield, Mich.; Sami 
Dinar, L.A. Wool tie from Perry Ellis by Man- 
hattan Menswear Group, 212-221-7500. 
Bloomingdale's, N.Y.C. Belt by Peter Barton, 
212-683-5968. Martini Carl, Boston, Mass., 
and Burlington, Vt. Cap by Worth & Worth 
Ltd., N.Y.C., 212-867-605B. 


Page 90: Scarf Still Life. Above, clockwise 
from 12: cupid-print scarf by Audrey Buckner, 
212-582-0200. Bergdorf Goodman, N.Y.C.; 
Button Down, San Francisco; select specialty 
stores nationwide. Fecther-print scarf by 
Peter Elliot, N.Y.C., 212-570-2300. Silk 
and lamb’s-wool scarf by Anne Klein Men, 
212-977-9260. Marshall Field's, Chicago. 


Paisley-print scarf by Loro 
Piano for David Glazer. Louis, 
Boston, N.Y.C.; Bergdorf 
Goodman, N.Y.C.; Wilkes 
Bashford, San Francisco. 
Leather gloves with snap wrist 
strap by Peter Barton, 212- 
683-596B. Taylor Richards & 
Conger, Charlotte, М.С.; 
Weinsteins Inc., New Orleans; 
Knickerbockers, Beachwoad, 
Ohio. Alligator-trimmed 
gloves from de Vecchi by Hamilton Hadge, 
212-758-9770. Bergdorf Goodman, N.Y.C. 


Page 91: Jacket by La Matta. Louis, Boston, 
Boston; Bernard Hill, Eldridge, Md. Mock 
turtleneck and pants by Dolce & Gabbana, 
212-756-5211. Bergdorf Goadman, N.Y.C.; 
Bagutta, N.Y.C.; Maxfields, L.A. Belt by 
Peter Barton, 212-683-5968. Martini Corl, 
Boston, Mass,, and Burlington, Vt. 


Page 92: Coat by Andrew Fezzo, 212-695- 
6800. Rich's, Atlanta; Bergdorf Goodman, 
N.Y.C.; Stanley Korshak, Dallas. Sports coat 
by Andrew Fezza. Macy's, N.Y.C.; Rich's, 
‚Atlanta; Stanley Korshak, Dallas. Mock tur- 
tleneck by Andrew Fezza. Bergdorf Good- 
man, N.Y.C.; Rich's, Atlanta. Pants by 
Cerruti 1881, 212-664-0630. Alan Bilzerion, 
Boston; Syd Jerome, Chicago; Mr. Guy, 
Beverly Hills. Belt from Joseph Abboud by 
CrockhornDavis. Park & Co., Oklahoma 
City; Gary's & Co., Newport Beach, Cal. 


Page 93: Overcoat by Vestimenta, 212-765- 
5300. Tyrone, Cedarhurst, N.Y.; Fred Segal 
Melrose, L.A. Suit by Vestimenta. Barney's 
New York, М.Ү.С.; Evento Uomo, Houston; 
Butch Blum, Seattle; Julius, Sacramento. 
Shirt by Vestimento. Те by Audrey Buckner, 
212-582-0200. Bergdorf Goodman, N.Y.C.; 
Button Down, San Francisco; select specialty 
stores nationwide. Hat by Makins Hats Ltd., 
212-594-6666. Bergdorf Goodman, N.Y.C.; 
Marshall Field's, Chicago; Fred Segal 
Melrose, L.A. 


Playboy on the Scene 

Page 181: Clockwise: slouch hat by Ballman 
Hats, 212-564-6480. J.J. Hat Center, 
N.Y.C.; Henry the Hatter, Detroit. Indiana 
Jones fedora by Stetson, 800-325-2662. 
Wallachs, N.Y.; Baskin, Chicago; Silver- 
woods, L.A. Veloured fur felt fedora by 
Makins Hots Ltd., 212-594-6666. Bergdorf 
Goodman, N.Y.C.; Marshall Field's, Chi- 
содо, Fred Segcl Melrose, L.A. Veloured fur 
felt soft slouch hat by Jay Lord Hatters, 212- 
865-3100. Outback fur felt hat by Worth & 
Worth Ltd., N.Y.C., 212-867-6058. 


the block of light, my back pressed 
against the runn 
The Cyclops ran a spit through the 
head of our captain, then hung him over 
the fire to соо” From the butcher line 
came the clank of bolts being loosened. 
Larry Olseth saw what I had been trying 
to tell him all along—that there was 
nothing Carl wouldn't try if he thought 
it had the power to frighten. 

` Carl said. 

That night, 1 dreamed of a plan! 
When the Cyclops asked my name, 1 
told him it was Noman!” 

Carl started up the motor on the 
header. “She's out there! Tell the story 
louder! 

The belt started to roll with Larry 
Olseth collared to it. ""When the Cyclops 
was fast asleep, I took a spit out of the 
fire! I climbed his hair! 1 stood before 
the huge closed eye!" 

“Agnes!” Carl screamed 

“T lifted the orange tip!" 

“Agnes!” he screamed again. 

~I drove it into the yellow yolk" 

I stepped into the light as Carl shifted 
the rotisserie into gear, Behind it, in a 
convergence of steel orbits, the blade 
spun at hundreds of revolutions per sec- 
ond. I walked through the puddles be- 
hind the belt. “Go ahead.” 1 said. 

Carl said, and shouldered 


screamed Larry Olseth, legs 
flailing as he came round the other side 
of the machine, arms struggling with the 
spring-loaded collar: 

: ed my forehead in the sight. 1 
saw his сус, brown and luminous, on the 
lens of the scope. As 1 climbed onto the 
header platform, 1 heard the click-click- 
click of the hammer in the chamber 

Carl,” I said. 1 put up my hand and 
knocked the barrel of the rifle aside. He 
stumbled against the gear shift, knock- 
ing it mto neutral. Before he could ге 
cover, 1 ed off the switch. I reached 
for the rifle and threw it down the wood- 
en slide for fish head 
“You're a whore, 

“I'm a whore. Right, € 
1 unlocked the collar from around 
Larry Olseth's neck. Under his jaw was a 
red welt that would turn blue on the 
plane. 


атту Olseth,” I said. My boots were 
inches deep in the slime we hadn't 
cleaned up, and I picked a length o 
testine off his white robe. "Here," I said, 
and handed it to him. “To practice on.” 
My eyes met his as the slimy piece 
slipped from his hand onto the floor. 

“Don't forget,” I said to them both, 
and 1 made а liule bow, the way Larry 
ОБей had done to Umacsan, and I left 
Someone else could clean up. 


STEVE CONWAY 


TOP HATS 


s we pointed out in our July Style page, Hollywood and the brim folded down in the front and up in the back. The 
film makers are once again inspiring fashion trends. more casual slouch, or outback, hat has a wider brim that’s 
This year's silver-screen spin-off is the hat. Dick turned down all the way around. The slouch often sports 
Tracy, who is seldom without his trusty yellow lidin interesting braided-leather or feather detailing, while the 
the film, added the fashion fuel needed for the look totake off fedora has a contrasting grosgrain band. In casual headgear, 
big time. Tracy's hat, the fedora, is worn with a pointed crown look for newsboy-style caps in wool plaids and tweeds. 


Clockwise from one o'clock: Fur-ielt wide-brimmed slouch hat with leather and feather trim, by Bollman Hats, New York, $65. Indiana 
Jones-style fur-felt fedora, by Stetson, 580. Velour hand-blocked fedora with bowed grosgrain band and feather, by Makins Hats, New 
York, about $110. Velour slouch hat with handmade ostrich-feather band, by Jay Lord Hatters, New York, about $100. Outback grosgrain- 
band fedora with ventilation holes on sides, by Worth & Worth, New York, $135. Where & How to Buy information on page 180. 


GRAPEVINE 


Thompson's Twins 

All together, now: Let's kiss off the summer with а standing ova- 
tion for starlet MICHELE THOMPSON. You can catch her in 
motion at the video store when you get your very own copy of 
In Search of the Wild Bikini. Until then, your search is over, 
because when the subject is swimsuits, Michele knows that less 
is more. Much, much more. 


B-52'5 for their sense of play and their 
perfect harmonies. Cosmic Thing went 
double platinum and the group just 
finished a summer concert tour. Now 
it’s to Australia and the Far East, 
beehives and all. 


Cruising at 
Full Speed 
JULEE CRUISE has 
had two major TV 
moments—singing 
оп Twin Peaks and 
appearing on Satur- 
day Night Live with 
the Diceman. Now 
that she has your 
attention, get her LP, 
Floating into the Night. 


One-Man Band 


DAVID AMRAM, who 
played two penny whis- 
ties at once at Farm 
Aid, is also а composer/ 
conductor and jazz 
virtuoso, Catch 
him at World 
Fest in At- 
lanta or on 
the CD Live 
at MusikFest! 
with his 
Jazz 
Ба: 


ALAN HOUGHTON 


PAUL NATKIN /PHOTO RESERVE INC 


Street Beat 

Rapper Kris Parker, a.k.a. KRS-ONE, says his latest album, Edutainment, 
will both educate and entertain. If you like to learn while your legs churn, 
see him on the concert stage or attend one of his Project HEAL (Human 
Education Against Lies) lectures on college campuses. Says Parker, “! want 
to show [kids] . . . different ways to be radical.” 


Put Some 
Myles On 


Singer ALANNAH 
MYLES recently 
finished a summer 
tour to support 
her debut plati- 
num LP. If you 
missed the con- 


е 
8 
3 
é 


у 
z 
5 
Е 
E 
° 
š 
5 


You Can't Do That оп TV 


Actress WENDY MACDONALD can be seenat the movies 
in Dark Side of the Moon and on TV in everything from 
Matlock to The New Leave It to Beaver. But don't expect 
to find her tempting 
the Beav in a bustier 

, and garters. For 
that, you need 
Grapevine. 


POTPOURRI 


NOT WIMPY 


According to Hannibal Fitness Products, 
PO. Box 190492, Anchorage. Alaska 99519, 
the Hannibal Upper Quarter Exerciser 
does wonders for “the development ofthe 


nd lateral rotators of the forearm 
us.” In other words, it will give 
you muscles like Popeye's. АП you do isturn 
thetwo hand grips: the Hannibal does the 
rest for $45, postpaid. Questions? Call 800- 
888-9773. Tellthem Olive Ovlsent you 


MOONMAN MICHAEL 


He moon-walks. He talks. He sings 
He dances. He's Michael Jackson, 
and it all happens in his new video 
game, Moonwalker, recently 
released by Sega of America. Moonwalker, which can be played only on Sega's 
16-bit Genesis game system, features Michael's attempts to save children 
fromthe chuches of Mr. Big and his evil henchmen—all, of course, characters 
from Michael's videos. On screen, the star executes attacks via dance steps 
anda flying hat. He slides down banisters and even becomes a robot, as he 

his Moonwalker video—all to nine-channel digital sound. ‘The game's 
about $50. Moon-walk out to get one soon, They re hot! 


IF IT’S TUESDAY, 

THIS MUST BE NISSAN 
International Motor Tours and STI. Inc.. 
experienced operatorsof ear-bul tours 
по Europe. are offering the first tour of 
Japan designed forauto nuts. October 1310 
97 are the dates: and stop-offs include VIP 
visits to the Mazda. Toyota, Nissan and Isuzu 
factories and the Japanese Grand Prix. The 
price: 84454 (not including air fare). For 
more info, call 800 . Fortunately, 
Joe Isuzu isn't the tour guide. 


HALLOWEEN IV 


For Halloween, we've uncarthed four original masks by Hlusive Concepts in 
Antioch, California. The Mutant head and body (licensed by MCA) canbe 
purchased separately or as one scary unit: The head is $79.95; add the body, 
hands and feet and your cost will mutate t0 $295. Lance Romance, which 
comes complete with coif and sunglasses, is $54.95. (The mask stops at the 
shades, so you can easily cat and drink.) The Old Leprechaun mask, resem- 
bling a wizened Irishman with a hangover, also costs $54.95. Then there's the 
184 Castle Head mask for $80. Weird! For more information, call 213-442 


UNPOP MECHANICS 


Several y во. Readers 
Digest sent auto journalist 
Robert Si acrossthe 
country to investigate whether 
drivers were getting honest car 
repairs. His report: “Only 
twenty-eight percent of my 
stops resulted in acorreet diag- 
nosis and rep: 
notes on that trip, Sikorsky has 
now written Rip-Off Tip-Offs 
124-page softcover that contains 
an “experts advice on find- 
ing the good mechanics 
avoiding the bad." Its a $ 
stment that may pay фи 
dends the next time your 
Porsche conks out in Pewaukee. 


SLICK CLICK 


Looking for a better way to 
carry a wad of credit cards than 
crammed into your wallet? Try 
the Swiss-made Card Click. 
Available in either plasticor 

her, it holds five credit cards 
inaslick spring-loaded case 
thats aboutthe size ofa deck of 
cards, Press a button and the 
corresponding card pops out, 
ready for credit action. Prices 
range from $20 to $40, depend- 
gon the model. (One Card 
Click even incorporates a calcu- 
lator and a penci 
Тага Click at 800-633-2872 will 
help yousort out the details. To 
paraphrase Mae Wes 


ANOTHER BUBBLY 
GOES WEST 


Taittinger, the famous French 
champagne he 

tion with Kol 

Ordway (ad 

founder of the 3) 


Century French 


tthe 
and buya $17 Domaine 
Kling blend made 
ir. Ch 
her grapes using 
méthode cham- 
penoise. Bubble up! 


BOMBS AWAY 


The last we heard, the fate of the Stealth bomber 
was still up in the air. But Stealth Condoms have 
taken off, in packaging that resembles the 
aircraft supposedly able to penetrate enemy 
airspace undetected. Each Stealth Condoms 
ship” contains three rubbers in patriotic red, w! 
and blue. All for just five dollars sent to Touchdown 
Marketing, 11782 Jollyville Road, 109, Aust 
Texas 78759. Fly a Stealth Condom and she'll never 
know you're coming. Yeah, sure. 


SOMETHING TO CLAP ABOUT 


nds are just that: gloves that play music 
u tap your fingers. Built-inam| pro- 
ical notes and a songbook will have you 
g Michael, Row the Boat Ashore quicker than 
you can say “Ignace Paderewski.” A ра 


vorite singles spot, drum a few bars of 
Lonesome Road and hope you ве an encore. 


NEXT MONTH 


TANTALIZING TERI 


“CARNAL KNOWLEDGE"—SEDUCED BY A SEXY ANI 
MAL-RIGHTS ACTIVIST, OUR HERO RAIDS A THANKS- 
GIVING-TURKEY FARM AND DISCOVERS THERE'S 
LITTLE GLORY IN BEING AN ECOGUERRILLA—FICTION 
BY Т. CORAGHESSAN BOYLE 


“THE THINKING MAN’S GUIDE TO TRAVELING WITH 
WOMEN"—THE ААА. DOESNT SUPPLY MAPS FOR 
LOVE ON THE ROAD, BUT DON'T SWEAT IT. HERE'S THE 
COMPLETE GUIDE TO HANDLING TIGHT CURVES ON 
YOUR ROMANTIC GETAWAY. TAKE OUR ADVICE: DONT 
LEAVE HOME WITHOUT IT—BY DENIS BOYLES 


“BIG BAD JOHN"—WHITE HOUSE CHIEF OF STAFF 
AND RESIDENT BAD COP JOHN SUNUNU WIELDS THE 
BIGGEST STICK IN WASHINGTON. A PLAYBOY PROFILE 
OF A POWERFUL MAN WHO HAS LEFT A TRAIL OF 
PISSED-OFF POLITICIANS EATING HIS DUST—BY 
MICHAEL KELLY 


PUBLIC ENEMY RAPPER CHUCK D DEFENDS HIS 
BAND'S CONTROVERSIAL LYRICS, REVEALS WHY 
YOU'LL NEVER SEE HIM ON THE ARSENIO HALL SHOW 
AND WHY HE NEVER SINGS TO HIS DAUGHTER IN A 
HIP-HOP “20 QUESTIONS" 


SEXIN CELLULOID 


ACTRESS TERI COPLEY WOWED FANS OF HER TV 
SERIES AND MINISERIES. GET READY, ‘CAUSE SHE'S 
ABOUT TO DO IT AGAIN ON THE BIG SCREEN ІМ TRAN- 
SYLVANIA TWIST AND IN A PROVOCATIVE PLAYBOY 
PICTORIAL—PROVING ONCE AND FOR ALL, SHE'S 
GOT IT MADE 


LEONA HELMSLEY TALKS ABOUT HER PUBLIC AND 
PRIVATE NIGHTMARE, TAKES AIM AT IVANA, MARLA 
AND THE DONALD AND TELLS US WHY THE QUEEN OF 
THE PALACE REFUSES TO ABDICATE IN A NO-HOLDS- 
BARRED PLAYBOY INTERVIEW 


“SEX IN CINEMA 1990"—AS CENSORS TRY ТО SNIP 
WHAT THEY CALL SMUT, SOME FILM MAKERS ARE 
FIGHTING BACK. FIND OUT WHY OUR CRITIC GIVES 
THE MOVIE-RATING GAME A THUMBS DOWN—TEXT BY 
BRUCE WILLIAMSON 


PLUS: WHY WAIT UNTIL YOU'RE HOME TO GET THE 
JACUZZI GOING? “HOME 15 WHERE THE SMART 15” 
LOOKS AT THE HOTTEST ELECTRONIC GADGETS 
THAT'LL SAVE ENERGY—YOURS; A PLAYBOY FASHION 
FOCUS ON THE ULTRASUITABLE $500 SUIT, BY HOLLIS 
WAYNE; AND MUCH, MUCH MORE 


Some PEOPLE EmMBRACE THE NIGHT 
BECAUSE THE RULES OF THE DAY 
DO NOT APPLY 


h 


barp BLACK 
THE TASTE OF THE NIGHT 


ENJOY OLE асоо TASTE WITH Your, 6000 TJupement: BACKRDIgRuUMm, MADE IN POETO RICO. 


БАС ANO THE BAT PEVICS ALE FERKIEREO TLADEMARICS OF BMBAD CON LIMITER NIO асла фит, INC MIRIN, Fe. Rum 40% ALC. BY YOU. 


Nobody 
has the Carlton 
Combination. 
„1. oo. 2. 


Lowest “The taste 
nicotine. O that’s right” 
Carlton - 74 
Img.tar 
0.1 mg. nic. 
P2 d 
A > "P f 
A y is / 
— 
NEED не 
کے ا‎ — > 
ишу ша a Og SURGEON GENERAL'S WARNING: Quitting Smoking 


Now Greatly Reduces Serious Risks to Your Health. 


© The American Tobacco Co, 1990.