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LA TOYA JACKSON 
DOES IT AGAIN! 


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ЗЕАМ РЕМА 
JULIA 2 
ROBERTS di PASE c X 
y en Y 
re 4) к 
(SA | 


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300955"0 


A new low tar cigarette. When you want more flavor. 


© Philip Morris Inc. 1991 


A trail drive can last a thousand miles, 
but a man's hat lasts a lifetime. 


SURGEON GENERAL'S WARNING: Cigarette 
Smoke Contains Carbon Monoxide. 


12 mg "tar; 0.8 mg nicotine 
av. per cigarette by FTC method. 


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like any other dinner party. 

There were people I didn't know. 
People I didn’t want to know. And peo- 
ple I knew that I wish 1 didn't know. 

It just doesn't get any better than 

“that. 

Rebecca, the hostess, spotted me 
from the far end of the living room. A 
smile landed on her face, and she 
started to zoom toward me like а vac- 
uum cleaner. 

“Thanks for coming Gary let me 
take your coat,” she recited. 

“I wouldn't miss it for the world,” I 
said. 

In all honesty, though, 1 would 
have. 

If Rebecca's dinner party were just 
flying through space somewhere, and 
the world happened to be passing by. 
make no mistake, I would jump onto it. 

The living room was well-ap- 
pointed. On one wall, there were book- 
shelves. All the books looked the 
same. I wondered if 1 pulled out the 
right one, whether it would swing the 
bookcase and myself into a completely 
different room. 

In an effort to mingle. I walked over 
10 a couple that looked like they could 
use some company. 1 introduced my- 
self. We talked about what I did. What 
they did. 

And it was over. 

A clean break. 

Next came the young woman I 
on the subway last week. She 
old friend from college, an 
ing she wouldn't see me, 
hoped on ا ی عا‎ yas 
inf about it, we were 
conversation about the 

actually didn't mind i 
lentical to the conve: 
ion we had previously. 
It was a rerun. 

After it was over, she smiled, and 
said “It was nice running into you 
Gary, maybe ГЇЇ see you on the subway 
again.” 

Ttold her I wasn't ready to make that 
kind of commitment. 

Perhaps what bothered me most 
about Rebecca’s dinner party, though, 

jas Burt's no: 
It won't that it was the size of an 
rium. 
I could live with the fact that it 
swooped up most of the air condition- 


that really got to me was 
s had to duck every 
Burt turned his head 


It was especially inconvenient for 
the hired waiters serving hors 
d'ocuvres. 

They thought it would be an easy 
way to make à buck, not a hazardous 
onc. 

All the couch seating was tak 
5 is at these dinner partie: 
people sitting on the couch looked like 
they arrived extra early, and slept out- 
side in hopes of getting the very best 
tickets. 

To say they weren't about to get up 


One guy was sitting between two 
women. Bobbing his head in an Гт- 
the-most-handsome-gameshow-host- 
that-ever-lived kind of way. 

He was the kind of man that you'd 
expect to see walking through [кл 
someday with a oo; 
But for now, he 
spot I wouldn't min 
It would be great. Г 


astic that was cover- 
ing the couch and onto the floor. 

Or if someone pressed a button that 
hoisted him up toward the ceiling in a 
net. To see him Napping around lik: 
caught fish would be nothing less than 
splendid. 


It was tin 


for dinner to be served. 
en the hostess, 
|y parted the doors 
Dom. so that everyone 
s through. 

As though it were the Red Sea. 
While everyone filtered into the 
room, someone tugged my hand from 
behind. 

It was Penelope Parker. 

An art director І used to work with 
at an advertisi 
very attractive. Long flowing dark hair, 
a tall slender body. 

Only one thing bothered me abouj 


her illi reed eye; 
nothing be па thet 
Penelope could do anything she put 
her writer's mind to. 

That's how she made it anywhere. 

"Gary, fancy meeting you here," 
she said opportunistically. 

“Well yt Penelope Parker,” I 
stated, wishing it weren't 

From that moment on, 1 knew who 
Га be spending the rest of the dinner 
party with. She always had a thing for 
me. 

We sat next to each other at the 
table. 

She was capable of going on about 
noti in particular quite well. 
According to her, I would imagine, 


m on a sail boat was 
ge гош 


PLAYBILL 


WE THINK Mob boss and picture Marlon Brando. We think 
famine and the image of an emaciated African child appears. 
We are inundated with data, and it has become casier to store 
nformation as image: the picture-worth-a-thousand-bytes syn- 
drome. But seeing The Godfather is nothing like knowing the 
reality of the complex world of the Mafia. Inside the brother- 
hood of organized crime, Time investigative reporter Richard 
Behar finds an organization In the Grip of Tivachery when he in- 
terrogates Nicholas “The Crow" Coramandi. Not since Joe Valachi 
flipped three decades ago has one man done so much damage 
to the Mob. In his testimony, Caramandi presents a startling 
and brutal picture of life in the Philadelphia family. The illus- 
tration is by Mike Benny. 

Feeding that starving Ethiopian child should be easy, right? 
Just send food or, maybe, as Sam Kinison says, “Tell “em to 
move: They live in a desert.” Looking behind the easy and 
coldhearted attempts to solve the recurring African famines, 
Contributing Editor Denis Boyles, in An Entirely Man-Made Dis- 
aster, discovers a world of food surpluses, political infighting at 
the UN and black-market operators who sell their count 
men's lives for a quick profit. The gaunt figures and lonely 
landscapes of Rafal Olbinski’s paintings capture the real tragedy 
of playing God in Africa. 

Sean Penn is a new man, a calm, mild-mannered father and 
director; no more photographer bashing. Or at least that’s 
what he claims in this month's Playboy Interview by Contrib-  BOYLES OLBINSKI 
uting Editor Devid Rensin. Julia Roberts, on the other hand, is ۴ 
a media darling, and we can see why after her candid talk 
in 20 Questions about her Southern drawl, sex and on-location 
relationships. 

OK, so you won't find a Roberts film in Sex in Cinema 1991, 
with text by Contributing Editor Bruce Williamson. What you will 
find in this $ roundup are а steamy picture from Madon- 
na's Truth or Dare documentary and one of Warren Beatty's cur- 
rent flame, Annette Bening, in The Grifters. On a sadder note, as 
we were closing this issue, word reached us of the death in Aus- 
tralia of Arthur Knight, author of the Sex in Cinema series for its 
first two decades. ES WILLIAMSON 
In his Reporter's Notebook: “A Killer of a Debate,” Robert Scheer 
15 out the essential hypocrisy of the pro-lifers' pe 
abortion is a kind of murder that’s permissible when се! 
tain rules are followed 

Everyone has a favorite image of La Toya Jackson after her 
first Playboy appearance, but Contributing Photographer 
Stephen Wayda and West Coast Photo Editor Marilyn Grabowski 
figured they'd give us some more options. Accompanying the 
pictures is an excerpt from La Toya: Growing Up in the Jackson 
Family (to be published by Dutton, an imprint of New Ameri- 
can Library, a Division of Penguin Books USA Inc). Ogling 
La Toya's pics, incidentally, almost made “Ted Kennedy's Top 
Ten Party Tips,” just one of the goodies in David Letterman's Top 
Top Ten Li an excerpt from the book to be published by 
Pocket Books. 

Our fiction this month is Bottoms Up, by Marshall Boswell (il- 
strated by Brad Holland). It's about a guy who has some sur- 

in store when he moves next door to a pair of 
le strippers. As part of Playboy's Electronic Roundup, 
ple critics, Roger Ebert, weighs in with a 
purse on the virtues of laser discs. Also: Don't miss our 
n report on mail-order shopping. Once the domain of 
ally uncool, catalog clothes have become sur ng- 
еп you've honed your image, you're ready to meet 
November, Tonja Christensen, whose ures are worth 
much more than the proverbial thousand words. 


BOSWELL 


Playboy (ISSN 0032-1478), November 1991, volume 38, number I1. Published monthly by Playboy in nat 
680 North Lake Shore Drive, Chicago, Illinois 60611. Second-class postage paid at Chicago, Illinois, and at additional mailing offices. 
Subscriptions: in the U.S., $29.97 for 12 issues. Postmaster: Send address change to Playboy, PO. Вох 2007, Harlan, lowa 51537-4007. 5 


n IS сд, 
| GEW THINGS WILL MAKE YOU | 
| WANT TO TAKETHEM OFF | 


M oOo ا م‎ 


Bugle Roy Co. 


PLAYBOY 


vol. 38, no. 11—november 1991 CONTENTS FOR THE MEN'S ENTERTAINMENT MAGAZINE 
PLAYBILL .. 5 
DEAR PLAYBOY ; SEN sat 15 
PLAYBOY AFTER HOURS ...... ee emm ` 21 
SmE...... : е з $ Pe 38 
MEN... t : р ASA BABER 40 
WOMEN ... T mw CYNTHIA HEIMEL 42 
THE PLAYBOY ADVISOR ............ хатад UNTER 45 IA 
THE PLAYBOY FORUM .. es “ОЮ ; ‚ж 
REPORTER'S NOTEBOOK: KILLER OF A DEBATE—opinion ROBERT SCHEER 59 
PLAYBOY INTERVIEW: SEAN PENN—candid conversation... 6t 
BOTTOMS UP—fiction ........... — MARSHALL BOSWELL 78 
FREE AT LAST—memoir LATOYA JACKSON 82 
IN THE GRIP OF TREACHERY .. . conversation with RICHARD BEHAR 92 
MAIL SUPREMACY—fashion e HOLLIS WAYNE өв 
A BLONDE IN BARCELONA—playboy's playmate of the month " 3 106 
PLAYBOY'S PARTY JOKES—humor ................. meee а 
TOP TOP TEN LISTS—humor. . 2 DAVID LETTERMAN 
ond THE STAFF OF LATE NIGHT 120 
AN ENTIRELY MAN-MADE DISASTER—article ......... DENIS BOYLES 124 
PLAYBOY'S ELECTRONIC ROUNDUP—modern living. HARRY SOMERFIELD 132 ке More 
THUMBS UP FOR LASER DISCS ..... es ROGER EBERT 178 
BERNARD AND HUEY—humor ews Var doi JULES FEIFFER 137 
SEX IN CINEMA 1991—pictorial ... . text by BRUCE WILUAMSON 138 
20 QUESTIONS: JULIA ROBERTS ...... ан : E 150 
PLAYBOY COLLECTION—modern living... . . 152 
PLAYBOY ON THE SCENE 181 ‘Mail-Order Fashion 


COVER STORY 

She graced the pages of our March 1989 issue. Michael's sister Lo Toya 
is bock, this time with a story to tell the world about how her thriller Playboy 
pictorial rocked the Jackson empire. Our cover was produced by West 
Coost Photo Editor Marilyn Grabowski, styled by Jennifer Smith-Ashley 
and shot by Contributing Photographer Stephen Woyda. Our thanks to 
Clint Wheat for Lo Toya’s hoir ond make-up. And arm thot Rabbit! 


OF MOMACS LOOM LLUsTmATION® Bv P 22 ROB DUM. AVEY P 28 OAVIO COWLES Р 2n JEFF YORK. P 34 STEVE DROONER P 38 MARTIN HOFFMAN P 40 ISTVAN BANAL E 42 STEVE BOSWICH.F 3 EVERETT PECK. P B2 GLENN 


Write down our private number! 


PLAYMATES COAST-TO-COAST! 


1-900-740-7788 


$3 a minute 


PLAYBOY 


“We just love talking to you...Call us tonigh 


PICH UP THE PHONE 
AND CALL US TODAY! 


Talk with a different Playmate every Monday- 
friday night, 9 p.m. to Midnight (EDT), 6-9 p.m. (PDT). 


A product of PLAYBOY, 680 North Loke Shore Drive, Chicago, Ш. 60611 
©1991 Playboy 18 yrs. Golder 


PLAYBO 


HUGH M. HEFNER 
editor-in-chief 


ARTHUR KRETCHMER editorial director 
JONATHAN BLACK managing editor 
ТОМ STAEBLER art director 
CARY COLE photography director 


EDITORIAL 

ARTICLES: JONN REZEK editor; PETER MOORE 
senior editor; FICTION: ALICE к. TURNER editor: 
MODERN LIVING: nwi stevens senior editor, 
ED WALKER associale editor; BETH TOMKIW assistant 
editor; FORUM: MATTHEW cios assistant editor: 
WEST COAST: STEPHEN RANDALL editor; STAFF: 
GRETCHEN EDGKEN senior editor; JAMES К. PETERSEN 
senior staff writer: BRUCE RIGER. BARBARA NELLIS 
associate editors; CHRISTOPHER. NAPOLITANO assist- 
аш editor; JOHN LUSK traffic caordinalor: FASH- 
ION: nous WAYNE director; VIVIAN COLON 
assistant editor; CARTOONS: MICHELLE urey edi- 
lor; COPY: ARLENE BOURAS editor; LAURIE ROGERS 
assistant edilor; MARY ION senior researcher; LEE 
BRAUER. CAROLYN BROWNE, JACKIE CAREY НЕМА 
sun researchers; CONTRIBUTING EDITORS: 
ASA HABER, DENIS. BOVLES, REVIN COOK. LAURENCE 
GONZALES, LAWRENCE GROBEL, REN GROSS «automo 
ive), SNA HEIMEL WILLIAM J. HELMER. WALTER 
LOWE, JR. D. KEITH MANO, JOE MORGENSTERN. REG 
POTTERTON. DAVID RENSIN, RICHARD RHODES, DAVID. 
SHEFF. DAVID. STANDISH, MORGAN STRONG, BRUCE 
WILLIAMSON movies; 


ART 
КЕИ: rore managing director: WRUCE HANSEN 
CHET SUSE, LEN WILLS senior dueclors ERIC 
SHROPSHIRE associale director: KRISTIN RORJENER. 
KELLY ORIEN assistant directors; ANN SEDL super 
visor; heyline/paste-up); вил MENOS PAUL CHAS art 
assistants 


PHOTOGRAPHY 

MARILYN GRABOWSKI Test (лам! editor; JEFF COMEN 
managing editor; LINDA KENNEN ИМ LARSON 
MICHAEL ANN SULLIVAN associate editors: PATTY 
BEAUDET assistant editor/entertainment; STEVE CON. 
way asociate photographer: WID CHAN, RICHARD 
FEGLEY, лиху FREYTAG. RICHARD IZU, DAVID MECEY 
BYRON NEWMAN. POMPEO POSAR. STEPHEN WDA 
contributing photographers; SILKE WELLS stylist; 
там HAWKINS Librarian; ROBERT CAIRNS manager 
studiv/lab 


MICHAEL PERLIS publisher 
JAMES SPANFELLER associate publisher 


PRODUCTION 
IOUN. sastro director: seia MANDIS manager 
RITA JOHNSON. assistant manager; Joy JURGETO 
RICHARD QUARTAROLL. CARRIE LARUE HOCKNEY 
assistants 


CIRCULATION 
BARBARA GUIMAN subscription circulation director: 
ROBERT O'DONNELL general manager; стал 
каком communications director 


ADV! ING 
JEFFREY р. MORGAN national sales director; SALES m. 
RECTORS: WILLIAM М. HILTON. JR, Rortlives!, ROBERT 
MCLEAN west coast, STEVE MEISNER Мше М, ҮМ. 
TURCOTTE new york 


READER SERVICE 
LINDA STROM, MIRE OSTROWSKI correspondents 


ADMINISTRATIVE | 
тшшн ker dori. séricas werfen MARCI 
TERKONES rights € permissions administrator 
PLAYBOY ENTERPRISES, INC. 
amisi merser chairman, chief executive officer 


shorts 


sweaters _ 


e. 


SURGEON GENERAL'S WARNING: Smoking 


Causes Lung Cancer, Heart Disease, 
Emphysema, And May Complicate Pregnancy. 


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DEAR PLAYBOY 


ADDRESS DEAR PLAYBOY 
PLAYBOY MAGAZINE 
680 NDRTH LAKE SHORE DRIVE 
CHICAGO, ILLINDIS 60611 


DARYL GATES INTERVIEW 

1 enjoyed your Playboy Interview with 
Los Angeles police chiel Daryl Gates in 
the August issue, but police brutality has 
now become endemic 

I's endemic because it takes a special 
person to be a policeman in the first 
place: He's а no-nonsense, gung-ho, 
shoot-from-the-hip, battling type of guy. 
That's the kind we need on the police 
force. A Milquetoast won't do, 

But this particular type of guy has to 
be corralled and trained or the natural 
instincts for which he’s hired will take 
over—and they have, increasingly 

What to do? Let's get and keep the 
same kind of guy but give him proper 
кай 


g, mental as well as physical, and 


regard for restraint. So Chief Gates in 


Los Angeles is ultimately responsible for 


the training, or the lack of it, which in law 
is called respondeat superior. W anything 


goes wrong, it’s the fellow in charge 


who's responsible. 

I'm not a сор hater. In fact, Pm a cop 
lover. Гуе represented the police and fire. 
depariments in San Francisco and other 
cities for a number of years 

On the other hand. I represented the 
family of a drugged itinerant in North 
Las Vegas who died after being taken to 
jail and left unattended in a cell for eight 
hours. I was told by а source in the med- 
ical examiner's oflice that the failure to 
provide medical treatment contributed 
to his death. 

We settled the case for the largest 
amount of its Kind in North Las Vegas 
history. But what's more important, | 
have a copy of a leiter from the mayor ol 
North Las Vegas and the North Las Ve 
gas chief of police apologizing for what 
happened—and, even more important, 
saying that they had changed the system 
of care for arrested indigents from that 
existing at the time of my clients arrest 

That letter is on the wall in my office 
and Pm prouder of it than of any verdict 
Ive ever won, because it shows that 


there's a needed therapy that a good tort 
suit can provide! 

I also represent the family of a Native 
American in Arizona who was shot to 
death by the police; and in Compton, 
just outside Los Angeles, we're goi 
trial on а worse case than the Rodney 
King айий: | represent the family of two 
brothers, royal Samoans, who were shot 
in the back and Killed. 

We have other cases of police brutality 
around the country awaiting trial, so, yes, 
police brutality does exist. Still, the po- 
lice are our finest. We need them. We al 
so need supervisors and chiefs of police 
who'll give this special breed of vigorous 
manhood training in the art of restraint 

Melvin M. Belli 
San Fi 


о 


cisco, California 
Congratulations to Diane K. Shah for 
her very Fair interview of Los Angeles po- 
lice chief Daryl Gates. As a resident of 
the Los Angeles area for more than 50 
years, I can assure. you that most Faw- 


abiding citizens appreciate the job Chief 


Gates has done and pray that he won't 


resign. God forbid that Mayor Tom 
Bradley and his ilk take over! 
Bert]. Finburgh 
Glendale, California 
Why do we have an uncomfortable feeling, 
Bert, that you're using ilk as a euphemism? 


Daryl Gates is a smooth and slick po- 
lice chief, all right, but does he really ex 
pect people to accept the fact that the 
city of Los Ang 
3,000,000 in damages over the past 
five 
LAP. 
seems to imply that this is nothing out of 


s has had to pay 


ars to citizens who sued the 


). for civil rights violations? Gates 
the ordinary and just "police business as 
usual" He clearly exemplifies the cava 
ier attitude of all too many American po- 
lice officers 

It is time for Daryl Gates to har 


up 


2 ngue ray 
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MONOPOLY isa registered trademark ol © 1951 Parkar Brother, Division of Tonka Corprain or # te está trading game equipment 


tual size) 


[shows larger 


PLAYBOY 


18 


six-shooter, 
ride off into the sunset 
Peter Horne 
‘Trenton, New Jersey 
As we go to press, Chief Gates has an- 
nounced his intention to resign next spring, 
contingent on the naming of his successor. 


“QUEEN NANCY” 

L read Robert Scheer's Reporter's Note- 
book "Queen Nancy” in the August 
Playboy and was intrigued by his claim 
that my reporting on Maureen Reagan's 
1980 birthday party for her dog Barnae 
was only “partially true." Scheer writes 
not hear Maurcen and 
brother Michael chorus, as Kelley rc 
s, that "Nancy is First Dog." Nor do I 
k they would have, since they were al- 
ready sporting buttons that read BARNAE 
FOR FIRST DOC 


My info йу from 
Narda Zacchino (a.k.a. Mrs. Robert 
Scheer) im an interview with her on 


March 11, 1989. Zacchino attended the 
birthday party with her husband and 
г ported. to me (and others) what she 
heard d m Maureen and Mi 
chael Re; 


Kitty Kelley 
shington, D.C. 

Scheer replies: What a sexist response. 
Don't I have a brain and а voice? I, not my 
wife, am the person mentioned in Kelley s book 
as being prevent at the party. Why didn't she 
cite Миа Zuchino (who has never been 
known as Mrs. Robert Scheer) in the book if 
she was really the source of the anecdote? 

To repeat: I did not hear Nancy Reagan's 
stepchildren make the statement attributed lo 
them and, in fact, their joke was even Бейек 
They wanted to run the dog for First Lady, but 
the position was already promised to Nancy 
What E still don't get is why everybody, Rea- 
gan children and. Kelley included, always 
picks on poor Nancy, when she was clearly the 
better half of the Presidential team. 


CALIFORNIA DREAMIN’ 
The August Playboy's California Dream- 


mate Hunt of the Blonde Kind. 1 hope 
well see some of those beautiful ladies in 
your next annual Playmate Review. 
Serge Brouillar 
Sorel, Quebec 


I viewed California Dreamin’ with mixed 
emotions. Great photos of fan 
blondes. but Tm afraid it will cause wide- 
eyed rubes from the South and the Mid- 
west to think about piling into their v 
d heading to Califor 
fabulous blonde femmes. To these guys I 
say, Please don't do it! There aren't enough 
to go around lor us natives. 

Dave Aeschilm: 
Concord, Califor 


astic 


nia 


GREAT COVERS NEVER DIE 
I was delighted and surprised by the 


in search of 


cover of the August Playboy. I immediate- 
ly recognized it as a remake of a cover 
produced in the mid-Sixties. It brought 
k pleasant memories of my college 
years and of one of my favorite Play- 
mates. However, I was surprised to see 
that in your Cover Story, there was no 
mention of the cover and the model from 
two decades earlier, Would it be possible 
for you to give us another look at it? 
George О. Proper 
Albany, California 
Several other readers whose memories are 
as good as yours wrote in to ask the same ques- 
tion, George. The concept of the Rabbit drawn 
in lipstick on a lovely model's stomach first ap- 
peared on the July 1964 cover. The model was 
Cynthia. Maddox, who was never a Playmate 
but began her long association with Playboy 
as a Bunny. She appeared on several covers in 
the Sixties and worked for a time as Hef's As- 


ANTIRTAINMINT FOR MEN 


PLAYBOY 


sistant Cartoon Editor: Another ex-Bunny, 
Candy Collins, struck a similar pose for our 
February 1979 issue, before becoming our 
December Playmate that same year: 


WILD CHILD 

Playboy has achieved a coup with its 
pictorial on Amanda de Cadenet (ester 
day's Wild Child) in the August issue. In 


ve black-and-white photos, Bob Carlos 
Clarke extracts the intelligence and 
eroticism of this beat 

Eric I 

Columbi. 


HOT STUFF. 
1 enjoyed John Oldcastle's Great Bowls 
of Fire (Playboy, August) and the sidebar 
Playboy's Guide to the Hot Stuff. V collect hot 
sauces and have approximately 270 la- 
bels, of which about 125 are Louisiana 
brands. Please note that at some point. 
hot becomes too hot to taste anvthing but 
fire and one cannot enjoy е sauce. 
Ed Wynne, Jr. 
Таб ice, Lot 


na 


Playboy's Guide to the Hot Stuff covers 
North American hot sauces quite well 
but omits several mainstays of 
of other continents: ne (Korea), 
Szechwan fermented-chil 'e (with or 
without beans), sambal po^ (Indonesia). 
harissa (North Africa) and shatta (Middle 
). All are easy to find in large cities 

iverse populations such as Chicago. 

James D. MeCawley 
Chicago, Illinois 


sisines 


LENNY LIVES! 
ally appreciated Joe Morgenstern’s 
article Lenny Lives! in your August issue. 1 
discovered Lenny Bruce back in 1968, 
when I began my life as a university siu- 
dent. He opened my eyes and heart to in- 
justice and to the possibility of a bette 
14. He made me laugh and he made 
me angry: I still. i 

Thank you, Joe and Playboy, for c 
the torch 


we 


Lionel Rumm 
Thornhill. Ontario 


Thank you for Joe Morgenstern's 
Lenny Lives! 1 can only hope that the art 
cle will open the ears of a new generation 
of Lenny Bruce fans. 

Bruce deserves to be. remembered, 
along with Bob Dylan, Jack Kerouac and 
Charlie Parker, аз а genius of the 
mid-20th Century. 


James J. J. Wilson 
Evanston, Hlinois 


DEPARTMENT OF REBUTTALS. 

Т could hardly believe the letter in the 
August Dear Playboy trom John Bryant 
that attempts to defend bigotry 
udice. Earth's popula 
half billion and growing. There's 
t different cultures can avoid 
h one another. Where they 
dont coexist, as in the Middle East, war 
often breaks out. Bryant's statement that 
bigotry and prejudice slow "intermar- 
proven genes” smacks of 


Nazi eugenics. 
Lee Heh 
Rochester Hills, Michigan 


Letter writer Vito Verga's assertion 
the August Dear Playboy that eliminating 
cash would eliminate crime is naive 
best. И cash became 
nals would simply adapt to the new sys- 
tem. At the lower levels, they would 
engage in barter; as many already do (for 
example, trading sex for drugs). Ath 
er levels, organized crime would use 
computer technology to deal in fraudu 
lent debit and credit transactions. Crime 


unavailable, cr 


has many causes, including pover- 
ty, greed and sociopathology. Merely 
changing the means of exchange will not 


eliminate those problems. 
Rosemary West 


Mission Hills, Califo: 


шы ( 


Box 
RUNPLE му 5 50% ALCOHOL BY хома (6 "OBREGÓN PEPPERMINT ED FROM GERMANY: 
ORANJE” Ї ‘POSTER OF THIS roy e SEES 34 TO RUMPLE MINZE. gun ORANGE, NJ 0705 


ud 


PLAYBOY AFTER HOURS 


STROKING THE BOSS 


You're playing golf with your boss and 
you wanna hit him up for a raise. Do you 
lec him wi 

That's the sort of mental sand trap in 
structors address at Powergolf. a seminar 
designed to give а leg up to the 
3,000,000 American corporate climbers 
who, in a recent survey, said they goll for 
business reasons. Powergoll—a class- 
room series that takes occasional field 
trips to the links—divides the golf course 
into “power zones’: Holes one through 
six are lor “foundation buildin seven 
through 12 for “relationship buildin 
and 13 through 18 lor “alliance build- 
ing.” Each zone is further divided into 
red, yellow and green arcas. (Hint: Hf you 
know not to press a client about an order 
of widgets after he has blown a thre 
putt, you have a good idea of what a red 


foot 


zone is all about.) The seminar then d 
legs through a woody thicket of behav 
ofien taking you 
farther from the game of golf than a 
hook shot into a strong wind, In “Who 
Are You?" for example, you're taught to 
basic 
gles, triangles, circles and. squiggles— 
with the personalities of potential clients 
Master this concept, claim. the power 
pros, and you can "power flex" vour way 
into the board room by knowing when to 
ask such strategic questions as “How long 
have you been playing цой, Bob?” and 
How is this economy treating yon, 
Bob?” At the very least, Bob will buy а 
round of brews for you at the 19h hole 
maybe 

А one-day seminar lightens your wallet 
by $199; а weekend, including meals, 
lessons and a round, costs $449. On the 
hand, the Ralph-takes-the-boss- 
golfing episode of The 
rents for about three bucks. 


ioral-psych buzz words 


associate shapes—boxes, rectan 


other 


Honeymooners 


LEMMING AID 


From the person in our office who « 
verted us to desktop. publishing—and 
now has free time for computer gu 


message 


wed the following 
lt start 


we rec 


1 out innocently enough. 1 


picked up a game called Lemmings 
(from. Psygnosis Lid., 29 Saint Mary's 
Court, Brookline, Massachusetts 02146). 
Tread the warning on the package: ‘We 
are not responsible for: loss of sanity 

I started at the "fum level. The object? 
Help all the lemmings wend their way 
through perilous terrain until they reach 
the sea, where they commit suicide en 
masse. If they die before their time, they 
never make it to lemming heaven 

First, 1 gave some of the lemmings 
the ability to build bridges; 1 furnished 
others with umbrellas so they could float; 
then I provided pickaxes so they could 
dig. E soon became hypnotized as the 
"blocker lemmings tapped their tiny feet 
ad cried to their from 


buddies 


save 
plunging to their death. 

At the next level, it became less obvi 
ous how to get the stupid lemmings to 
their destination. 1 had fewer tools and 
the little buggers were moving fast. Still 
I persevered and zipped through the 30 
‘ricky’ levels to the next plateau, ‘taxing 
Suddenly, lemmings were everywhere. 
falling into oblivion, being smashed by 
doomsday machines. But Г carried on 


ILLUSTRATION BY PATER SATO 


“These days, I'm at the ‘mayhem’ lev- 
el. And I'm going to stop right alter 
pass through it. At least that’s what I've 
been saying for the past few days. I hope 
I'm not rambling—see, 1 havent slept m 
a while, I need to pick up my laundry 
and Гуе forgotten when the November 
issue is due, And 1 really should call my 
mother back. And 


DON'T BELIEVE WHAT YOU READ (1) 


A June 21, 1991, headline in the Chica- 
go Tribune: "CAMPING. ALLOWED FOR DEAD: 
HEADS. 

А June 21, 1991, headline in the Chica- 
go Sun-Times: “DEADHEADS WARNED: NO 
CAMPING IN SOLDIER FIELD. 


PUMP UR FLARE OUT 


Ever fantasize about removing fat from 
your middle and puuing it where it 
counts? Stop dreaming: Dr. Ricardo 
Samitier, a plastic surgeon in Miami. is 
developin 


g a procedure that uses body 
fat to thicken the circumference of a pe- 
nis to almost дийсе its normal size. Work 
ing under the assumption that. durin 

ı prefer thickness to 


iter performed his first 


intercourse. wom) 
length, Dr. 5 
“circumferential autol 
gorgement” on а volunteer ; 
years ago. Since then, he has operated on 
15 other men and claims that his results 
keep getting better. On paper, the proce- 
dure is relatively simple: Using a local 
anesthetic, he liposucts Fat from the pa 
tiens belly and injects it under the skin 
of the penis. Once there, the fat cells 
have a nearly 100 percent survival rate 
due to the penis’ excellent blood supply 
(unlike the 50 to 75 percent rate for 
those breast implants that use human 
fat), Patients are then asked to abstain 
from sex for two weeks. 

But that’s the technical part; Samitier 
is equally with ics, 
carefully molding his re-created penises 
to keep them from looking like Ball Park 
franks. “I can make better contours [on 
the penis] than those on textured con 
doms,” he says proudly 

And what has the doctor heard from 


sus penile en- 
Imost two 


concerned acsıhei 


21 


22 


“Im the only an- 
nouncer who can 
look the pros in the 
eyeballs and feel they 
don't tip more than 1 
make per вате" 
COLLEGE-RASKETBALI 
COMMENTATOR MMC 
GUIRE, ON WORKING 
N.B.A. GAMES FOR NBC 


WATER PRESSURE 


Number of g 
of water flushed 
through toilets every 
day in the U.S.: 4.8 
billion. 


. FACT OF THE MONTH 


Average number 
of gallons flushed in 
a standard toilet, si 

Д mew ulua-low- 


Accor 


at various а 
flush type, 1.6. 
. 
Average number 9843 times di 


of gallons used to 
brush teeth, three; to 
take a four-minute shower, 
an extra-long shower 8 
hands, 2.6. 


ductive y 


10 take 
10 wash 


. 
Gallons of mouth: 
day: 69.000. 


ash gargled cach 


SOPHOMORIC FANTASIES 

In a study of college undergradu- 
ates published in the Archives of Sexual 
Behavior, percentage of men who said 
they become aroused daily when 
thinking about a particular person or 
at the sight and touch of their own 
bodies, 71.4; of women, 34. Men who 
do so once or twice week, 2 
women, 44.7. 


. 

Percentage of men who do not nec- 
essarily become aroused but have sex- 
ual thoughts at least once a day, 100; 
of women, 71.7. 


BOX STUFFERS 


According to Bruskin Associates, 
number of pieces of junk mail that the 
¡ge American receives each week, 
Percentage that is opened and 


ling to current studies 
of the frequency of intercourse 
ges, an American 
woman has sex an average of 


centage, of a car en- 
gine i 


r in the 
GM Impact, a two- 
seat subcompact pro- 
totype, 90 to 95. 

. 

Impacts highest 
possible speed. 110 
mph. Top speed as 
limited by electronic 
governor; 75 mph 


. 

Number of sec- 
onds it takes for the 
Impact to accelerate 
from zero to 60 miles 
per hour: eight. 


. 
Number of miles 


the Impact can travel 
at 55 mph before re- 
charging: 190. 

. 

Number of А.С. induction motors 
in the Impact: two. Weight of each 
motor: 50 pounds. Horsepower for 
each motor: 57. 


ng her repro- 


. 

Number of ten-volt lead-acid bat 
teries used to power the Impacts mo- 
tors: 32. Weight of this battery рас 


870 pounds. 


. 
Impacts gross weight, 2550 
pounds; length, 13.5 feet; width, 5.6 
feet; height, 3.9 leet. 
. 
Amount of pollution from the ex- 
hawt of the Impact: zero. 


TALE OF THE TAPE 


According to Adult Video News s 
veys, number of sexually explicit 
video tapes released in 1990 in the 
U.S.: 1275. 


P 

Number of rentals in. 1989. from 
general video stores: 395,000,000. 
Amount spent for rentals and sales: 
5992,000,000. — BETTY SCHAAL. 


his t 


t subjects? Patient number two, а 
32y -old lease negotiator from Flori- 
da. says, “Û have trouble fiting into a 
normal-sized condom." But overall, is he 
happy? Is his girlfriend happy? Did he 
have to change the way he walks? “Yes, 
yes and no. 

If you think this is an amazing break- 
through, so do the experts. Dr. Richard 
T. Caleel, former president of the Ameri- 
сап Academy of Cosmetic Surgery. says, 
1 sounds hazardous, There's really по 
place in the penis to put fat. And fat im 
mts are temporary. Soi re 

" he notes, “but if he’s claiming that 
a significant portion of the fat takes. he 
should publish right away." 

Samitier plans to do just that. He'll 
monitor his patients and, if all goes well. 
present his findings at the academy's 
January 1992 world confe n LA 


DON'T BELIEVE WHAT YOU READ (2) 


A June 21 
go Tribune 
TWO LINES 

A June 21, 1991, headline in the Chica- 
go Sun-Times: "cows CAL. CLA, SAFE DE 
SPITE RISE IN CRIME. 


ice 


1991, headline in the Chica- 
LA. TARGETS. BUS CRIME ON 


HOLLYWOOD HAIKU 


The Writer's Gi 
puter bulletin bo; 
recent borrowing the three-line, five 
seven-five-syllable distribution of the tra- 
ditional Japanese verse style. Не 
our favorites: 


ld of Ameri 
flowered into poetry 


com- 


e 


Alas, poor chieftain 
"Left to pursue indir prod” 
Fiveze frame, roll credits 


R. MANNING. 


Five percent of Net. 
Кеште team gets full credit 
Doni quit your day job 
D ARNOTT 


Ohhh baby baby 
mf m| mf mf mf O GOD! 
NC-17 
R. MANNING 


Your seript is flazel 
Poignant. Funny. True. Perfect 
Here ave our notes 

D xor 


DON'T BELIEVE WHAT YOU READ (3) 
А June 21, 1901, heac 
ко Tribune: "cucaco PUR 
FOR CHEFVER BOOK." 
A [une 21. 1991, headline in the Chica- 
go Sun-Times: "COURT ORS PUBLICATION OF 
CHEEVER BOOK," 


e in the Chica- 
SHER LOSES BID 


MOOSE ON THE LOOSE 


The majestic moose is making a come 
back in the forests of Northern U.S. states 
after nearly a century of decline due to 
overhunting, logging. development and 
disease. However, a comparative shortage 


KENT 


gives you a Light with pleasure. 


| 


SURGEON GENERAL'S WARNING: Smoking 
Causes Lung Cancer, Heart Disease, 
Emphysema, And May Complicate Pregnancy. z , 1 
— ыы Шы : BEIN == im Light. Lighter. Lightest. 


A # — 
Kent: 12 mg. "tar; 0.9 mg. nicotine; Kent Golden Lights: 7 j M Y nicotine; Kent III: 3 mg. “tar” 0.3 mg. nicotine av. per cigarette by FTC Method. 
[ * 


24 


of females has prompted some bull 
moose to wander in search of compan- 


ionship during the fall rut 
In Ma 


ne, Vermont and New York, 
mers re ncreasing assaults 
on their herds by horny bulls. The odd 
couplings aren't as odd as they sound: 
Moose and cows are distantly related. 
But attempts at copulation between the 
species are doomed, mainly because of 
the bull's immense size. “When a moose 
tries to mount à cow," a New York educa: 
tor expla һе equipment just does 
match. 

Bur tha 
In Shrewsb 
a persistent 


Moose. 


t stop Mr. 
Ver 


Congratulations on your acqui 
tion of (circle appropriate item[s]) 
AH-64 Apache helicopters, GBU 
smart. bombs, AWAC craft, 
F-18 fighter jets, M2/M3 Bradley 
ighting Vehicles, Patriot antimis- 
le missiles, othe We're 
pleased you chose American War 
Materiel for your arsenal. 
se fill out and return this con- 
"sumer-information card so we can 
continue to meet your peace-keep- 
ing needs. 
1. Des 
ation. 
A. Democracy (Western, strug- 
gling, plucky little) 
B. Dictatorship (military, feudal, 
totalitarian) 
C. Freedom fighters 
D. Hobbyists 
. How did you first learn about 
n War Materiel? 
A. Free samples 
Saw it massed on our borders 
5. Heard other countries ta 
about itat UN 
D. It landed on u 
3. What factors influenced. your 
decision to buy AWM? 
A. Performance on CNN 
B. Compatible with current stock 
pile 
C. Easy to assemble. 
D.Lost confidence in competi- 
tor's product 
4. How did you acquire your 
American War Materiel? 
A. Captured it 


be your country or or- 


comely Hereford named 
e than two months, chas- 
ing off the farmer and attracting thou: 
sands of tourists. In Upstate New York, 
another bull moose, known as the Hu- 
mongous Heifer Humper, claimed an en- 
ure herd of Holsteins as his harem. 
Although he has been tranquilized and 
relocated several times by wildlife 
officers, the big guy continues to play the 
field at other dairy farms, wreaking ud- 
der havoc. 


bull courted a 
Jessica for me 


BUSINESS BERLITZ 


Don't know what your boss is talking 
about? Here's help: 

A survey is being made of this: 
more time to think of an answer. 
Administrative oversight 


I need 


I screwed up 


alking ` 


B. Lobbied Congress for it 
Joined arms-for-hostages plan 

D. Handed over millions in shop- 
ping bags to some guy named 
Joe 

5. How do you intend to use your 

American War Materiel: 

A. Defense only 

B. Suppress minoi 
rebellions 


ies and crush 


“OC. Parade down boulevard оп na- 


onal holiday 
D. Impress girls 
6. What best describes your rela- 
tionship with the United States? 
A. Friend (independent, reluc- 
tant, lap dog) 
implacable, on paper 
y, new Hitler) 
iend, now foe 
D. Former foe, was briefly a 
friend, then a foe, then a 
friend again, then was invaded 
by U.S., became a good friend 
„but currently poutin, 
7. What ТОЙТ Tes would 
you like to see in American War Ma- 
terielz 
A. Give larger discounts for FiF- 
ties-era hardware 
B. Accept Scuds a: le-ins 
©. Publish owner's manual in na- 
tive language 
matching luggage 
an War Materiel is manu- 
factured for use inside purchaser's 
boundaries. Any exceptions must be 
approved in writing by the Seci 
tary of State, Washington, D.C.) 


Research efforts are under way: Um trying 
to find the file. 

Use your тит discretion: Stick your neck 
out; see il T care. 

1 ате taken your proposal under consider- 
ation; VI agree 10 it just as soon as hell 
zes over 
There's a growing body of opinion: 


Iwo 


Irs a widely held opinion: Three man- 
agers agree. 

Present indications are . . 
guess is as good as anothe 

Where are we now?: What am 1 doing 
here, anyway? 

How did we get here?: Who is responsi- 
ble, and why does he have a better com- 
pany car? 

The above translations come courtesy of 
Centennial Press, publisher of “Bluflers 
Guides. 


: One wild 


MORE DISGUSTING NEWS FROM 
THE ANIMAL KINGDOM 


We admit that we haven't kept up our 
subscription to Audubon, so it shouldn't 
have surprised us to come across an ac- 
count of the booming business in slime 
cels that ran in a recent issue. But we 
were struck with the thought that this is 
not our father’s Audubon. 

Slime eels, the article tells us, are 
deepwater scavengers that like to enter 
dead bodies (fish, human, whatever) on 
the ocean floor through the mouth, gills 
or anus, then eat everything except the 
bones and skin. Needless to say, slime 
cels have, over time, tarnished the ro- 
mantic prospect of a burial at sea 

These cels get their nickname from 
their defense mechanism, which pours 
ош quantities of slime disproportionate 
to their size. One of these guys can fill 
ovo-gallon bucket. It can also tie itself in 
knots (the simple overhand is a favorite) 
dudubon asked: “Was there any wonder 
that fishermen would have problems with 
ay 13. snakelike animal that was 
phallic in color and shape and produced 
copious quantities of a substance distinct- 
ly resembling hum What if one 
also added that its eyeless, pink face 
puckered, folded inward in a roughly 
shaped pauern—looked Ше а 
Pomeranian’s anus” This last phrase 
may be the starkest rhetorical question 
ever asked in a famil 
magazine. 


seme 


st 


ned nature 


So how have big bucks entered the 


picture? In the late Seventies, South 
Korea perfecied a process to tan Ihe hide 
of slime eels into supple. rich pelts that 
have since been made into car-phone 
covers, $250 briefcases and $1000 golf 
Retailers call this product Yuppie 
ther, which makes for especially ap- 
ing poetic justice: At last, a use for all 
the slime that ragers and other bot- 
Weeding scavengers have wrought. 


bags. 


LOGK THE DOOR 


AND PREVIEW THE STEPHEN KING 


Who can 
ever forget 
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Torrance, 
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an ax? Or 
poor Carrie White, drenched in 
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These are just a few of the spine- 
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© 1980 Warner Bros. nc. 


O 1990 Castle Rock Entertainment. 
AU Rights Reserved. 


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26 


By NEIL TESSER 


WHETHER OR NOT you think of jazz as the 
one true faith, you have to admit it's had 
its share of awe-inspiring icons. A per- 
fect example of jazz culthood was long 
ago conferred upon saxophonist John 
Coltrane, whose later music radiated a 
potent spiritualism. (Some devotees in 
California once attempted to start à reli 
gion based on his music; his widow told 
them to stop.) Coltrane's chaotic, fulmi- 
nant solos became a rallying point lor 
fervid proponents, as well as critics, of 
the free-jazz avant-garde. You can make 
up your own mind with Live in Japan 
(GRP), which comp: ises four CDs but on- 
jute ver- 
sion of My Favorite Things. Most of the 
music. recorded a ycar before Coltrane's 
death in 1967, has never been issued in 
the U.S., and it will bewilder listeners ac- 
customed to the neat outlines of Wynton 
Marsalis and company, but parts of this 
set achieve the terrifying storm’s-eye 
serenity Coltrane sought. Still, an casier 
place to start would be Blue Train, his clas- 
sic postbop sextet date: Originally re- 
corded for Blue Note, it's now out on an 
audiophile CD from Mobile Fidelity (PO. 
Box 1657, Sebastopol, California 95473). 

When it comes to deification, though, 
no jazz music 
saxist Charlie “Bird” Parker, whose short 
lifetime e birth to bebop and whose 
death in 1955 prompted graffiti scrawls 
of BIRD aves. Parker was the greatest im- 
proviser in jazz history, and his genius 
led one early fan to record him in per- 
formance on both coasts, using a primi 
tive tape machine to isolate just the 
saxophonists solos. Those legendary 
recordings have been spruced up and 
transferred to seven CDs in The Complete 
Dean Benedetti Recordings of Charlie Parker 
(Mosaic Records, mail order only: 
Melrose Place, Stamford, Connect 
06902). This long-awaited compilation 
defies casual listening but invites scholar- 
ship: Rather than entire songs, you heat 
only the snippets on which Bird plays. 
Is a carton of golden eggs. 

Jazz musicians have been singing Par- 
s praises for 45 years; now Rolling 
Stone drummer Charlie Wats has 
stepped into the act with From One Charlie 
winuum). Featured isa quintet led by 
British saxist Peter King, and he and his 
sidemen cut the mustard; the problem 
lies with Watts, whose concept of bebop 
ng is limp and soggy. Instead of 
defining the beat, he just reacts t0 it, 
making clumsy attempts at bebop's fiery, 
asymmetric rcents, Even the packag- 
ing is off the mark: This boxed set con- 
tains just one 28-minute CD, plus Watts's 
allegorical picture book about Bind. Char. 
he, who didn’t “sound the same as the 


Jazz's awe-inspiring icons. 


New and classic Coltrane, 
a Charlie Parker compilation, 
remembering Stan Getz. 


Is” and who “could not lay off 
the bad seeds.” At least it’s consistent 
The book trivializes Parker's life in the 
same way that Wattss drumming trivial- 
izes bebop. 

The scaled-down working unit popu- 
larized by bebop helped usher out the 
big bands in the F now they're back, 
but with a difference. Take, for example, 
the Liberation Music Orchestra, led by 
bassist Charlie Haden. On Dream Keeper 
(Blue Note), the band's third and best al- 
bum, Haden again devotes the jazz or- 
chestra's resources to the protest music 
of the Third World; but there's also а 
suite combining Latin-American folk 
songs and Langston Hughess poetry. 
Add the dynamite line-up—trumpeter 
lom Harrell, saxist Branford Marsalis 


other bii 


and trombonist Ray Anderson, among 
others—and you have an artistic and po- 
litical triumph. 


ing the jazz orchestra to the 
Americans; the results 
shine forth on the remarkable Never Give 
anlmprow 5895 Telegraph Av- 
enue #66, Oakland, California 94609) 
Jang has achieved a near-seamless blend 
of jazz and melodies from the Japanese 
and Chinese traditions, especiaily on the 
title work, a jazz concerto; he also offers a 
startling and indelible reinterpretation 
of A Night in Tunisia. Another San Fran- 
ciscan, the saxisupianist Peter Apfel- 
baum, weighs in with his 15-piece 


Hieroglyphics Ensemble on Signs of Life 
(Antilles). Imagine а world-music big 
and in which Sun Ra, Bob Marley. Hugh 
Masekela and Tito Puente get to trade 
four nd you'll have an inkling of what 
this exotic and captivating outfit is about. 

New jazz labels sprout up all the 
most often produced in 
hen. But executive producer Ken Fu- 
a has entered the field with a 
прег crop of young musicians and 
equally impressive production values 
Among the first dozen releases on Ken 
Music (hey—why not?) is In Process, a sex- 
tet date from Brian Lynch, the last t 
peter to work with Art Blakey's Jazz 
Messengers. On this wholly satisfying 
date, Lynch's bold and sinuous lines 
dovetail with the surging alto of Jim 
Snidero and pianist Benny Green's iron 
lace. Pianist led Rosenthal sc 
knockout debut with New Tunes, New Tradi- 
tions, highlighted by subtle versions of 
several Thelonious Monk tunes. And an- 
other pianist, Salvatore Bonafede, has al- 
ready set critics and fellow mu 
buzzing with Actor/Actress, an unexpected 
potpourri of personalized composit 
played by a perfect quartet starring tenor 
Joe Lovano. 

Lovano, in fact, has entered into a tie 
with Kenny Barron for the title of this 
ye Ме player, ng 
equally invaluable contributions to al- 
bums by Tom Harrell and Paul Mot 
and on guitarist John Scofield’s terrific 
Meant to Be (Blue Note), he all but steals 
the show in a program that ranges from 
modern roadhouse tunes to entrancing 
dirges. Lovano has a Бигу, textured 
sound that shames the metallic onc- 
dimensionality now in fashion, and his 
solos are tough and enveloping; his 
landmarks (also on Blue Note) sports a 
variety ol meaty tunes and makes him the 
leading tenor man of (ће Nineties. 
Meanwhile, the other MVP contender, 
pianist Barron, has no fewer than three 
excellent but quite different. releases 
Invitation (a quartet date on the Dutch la- 
bel Criss Cross); Quickstep (a more adven- 
turous quintet album on Enja): and tive 
at Maybeck Recital Hall Volume Ten (Con- 
cord), a grand-piano recital. In addition. 
he anchored the rhythm section on al 
bums by two quite different tenor saxists 
Eddie Harris, whose There Was a Time: 
Echo of Harlem (Enja) celebrates his funky 
intellectualism: and the late Stan Getz. 
whose Serenity (EmArcy) gorgeously ce- 
ments his memory. 

Finally. the short list of sure bets: the 
two reissued volumes of Brazilliance 
(Pacific Jazz), by guitarist’ Laurindo 
Almeida and saxist Bud Shank, trombon- 
ist Robin Eubanks’ Karma (JMT) and 
Keith Jarrett’s Tribute (ECM). 


ime. 
someone's 


s а 


icians 


ns 


^s most val 


n: 


Cutty Sark Blended Scots Whisky. 40% Ac. by Vol. Imported by © WA. Taylor & Ce.. Miami. Florida 1991. 


Drinking Cutty Sark 
won't make you seem more attractive. 
Or help you get a date. 
But if you really want to score points at a bar, 
there are other ways. 


28 


DAVE MARSH 


IN EVERY ART FORM except pop music, it's 
understood that artists benefit from ma- 
turity and experience. But rock and soul 
artists are expected to burn out within a 
few years. And they almost always do. 

The problem is that few pop musicians 
have the luxury of making the records 
they want to make. Even the biggest are 
threatened. with being unceremoniously 
discarded—by their record label or by 
their fans—if they fail to hit the charts. 
But the rise of musical-niche marketing 
changes that: Unruly talents such as Van 
Morrison can make an album every vear 
or so. So what if heil never be top ten 
again, or if his marketing niche is New 
Age? 

Van's latest, Hymns to the Silence (Poly- 
dor/PLG), is a sprawling double album 
that typifies his recent music: A blend of 
Trish airs, Anglo-American folk melodies, 
reminiscences of rock-and-roll radio 
days. country and Gospel standards cre- 
ates a jazzy, quasi-mystical mood both 
seductive and less than coherent. It’s am- 
bitious background music, easy listening 
that bristles with unlikely seductions: the 
sardonic narrative of Village Idiot, the 
anger of Professional Jealousy, the melody 
of I Can't Stop Loving You, the grumbling 
nostalgia ot fake Me Back. 

Deciphering this stuff is fun. Since 
Van's nothing if not obsessive, there are 
plenty of moments that will invoke com- 
parisons to earlier Morrison records—if 
you're a fan. If you're not a fan—if you 
don't think of Van as the rock gencra- 
tion's Mose Allison—it must be madden- 
ng. The best comparison is to Woody 
Allen, another ultrapersonal stylist who 
successfully defies his industry's conven- 
tions. Is that a compliment? Well, 96 
years after 1 first heard Morrison sing 
Gloria, he still has my attention, Much as 
I love Sweet Child o Mine, 1 do not expect 
as much from Axl Rose. 


VIC GARBARINI 


Mary's Danish, an eclectic blend of 
punk, funk, country and pop, is being 
hailed as the hottest alternative band 
to come out of LA. in years. Does its 
first major-label release, Circa (Morgan 
Creek), live up to the hype? Yes and no. 
Vocalists Julie Ritter and Gretchen Sea- 
reedy harmonies are backed by 
Guiterrez’ squalling Jimi-by-way 
of-Slash guitar pyrotechnics and a firm 
but funky rhythm section. Together, they 
attempt to fashion a new hybrid from 
classic pop sources. Imagine the B-52's 
crossed with X and the Chili Peppers. 
Then throw in some Maria McKee coun- 
wy twang and you have Yellow Creep 


Van's Hymns to the Silence. 


A sprawling double album, 
the world’s longest EP, 
this year's impressive debut. 


Around, Hoof and Deadly Sins. But the 
hype definitely turns to hubris when they 
try too hard to be artsy and wind up 
coming across as overreaching and ad- 
olescent. The vocals are occasionally af- 

ging on sophomoric at times. 
ish is clearly at its best when 
g the camp and playing it straight. 
Circa is а semi-auspicious debut that hits 
more than it misses. But, like most Dan- 
ish, it could use less sugar. 


ROBERT CHRISTGAU 


Do the La's claim to sound like some 
earlier Liverpudlian guitar quartet? Get 
real—who would buy that line? Instead, 
they claim to hate their debut album, 
which was years in the making, due large- 
ly to their bad manners in the studio. 
And although I believe them, I'm obvi- 
ously a patsy, because I also believe The 
Los (London) sounds like you know who. 
The wry grit of lead La Lee Мауегу beats 
is sparer than that other group's cutting 
harmonies. But sole songwriter Mavers 
has the rare gift for the catchy-yet-not- 
cloyingly cheerful tune without which 
any good ol’ pop homage is nothing but 
hope and hype 

The KLF, two lapsed London art stu- 
dents (who have also recorded as the 
Timelords and the Justified Ancients of 
Ми Mu, a.k.a. the JAMs), exploit a dil 
ferent. set of anti-establishment poses. 
One of the fi 


teams to sense the limitless possibilities 
of sampling, KLF had a record taken olf 
the market after itwas sued by Abba, and 
has since evolved into a creative mode 
less likely to attract the attention of copy- 
right lawyers. Its first U.S. major-label 
release, The White Room (Arista), is noth- 
ing more nor less than a canny electro- 
house album juiced with jarring jolts of 
beat and electronic noise. In theory, Т 
liked this group better when it was sub- 
ing Whitney Houston. But anybody 
with the slightest tolerance for Eurodisco 
it as well start here. 


m 


CHARLES M. YOUNG 


A collection of B sides and material 
from the vault Attack of the Killer B's 
(Megaforce/Island) by Anthrax is not, the 


GT SHOT 


Guularisl/songwriler/singer Richie Sam- 
bora already claims fame via his tenure 
in the band Bon Jovi—and his rela- 
tionship with Cher. Currently, however, 
Sambora's pride and joy is his rock 

eB debut solo LP. “Stranger in This 
Town." Among other highlights, there 
is а cut featuring Eric Clapton. And 
alongside Slowhand in Sambora's hall 
of personal passions stands the band 
Skid Row. Sambora rates its second al- 
| bum, “Slave to the Grind.” 

"Skid Row's most honest emo- 
tions absolutely rule the album— 
and that kind of artistic nerve is 
rare. Stylistically, Slave is a singul 
hybrid of punk and metal, with ace 
musicianship from start to finish 
Catch In a Darkened Room, which 
makes child abuse vivid through 
fearless lyrical content. For con- 
trast, move on to Mudkicker, an ef- 
fective "Fuck you' to the music 
business. Riot Act stands out, too. 
The over-all production is very raw 
nd live, so at aggression and 
ight up into your face. 
Even if punk and metal annoy you, 
listen to Slaw because the guys in 
Skid Row have stunning talent and 
the balls to tell the emotional truth 
about themselves and their lives.” 


band insists, a new album. Rather, it is 
the "longest EP ever,” and since it clocks 


in at nearly 45 minutes of music, who can 
disagree Anthrax is tribal and right- 
and 


cous, sometimes self-righteous, 
doesn't disguise its message with a 
indirection. Band members thrash as 
hard as they can and scream their truth 
as loud as they can 
dropping all artful indirecion—and all 
melody—is that it becomes ob 
happen to agree with a lot of the stuff An- 
thrax propounds, so I feel I should like 
this record more than I do. 

Fish Karma intermittently suffers from 
obviousness on teddy in the sky with mog- 
mets (Triple X). Anyone who ridicules 
working-class culture by mentioning 
К mart, as in Swap Meet Women, can make 
no claim to unadulterated originality. 1 
nonetheless like his song titles (e.g., Baby, 
Let's Be Methodists) and his free assoc 
tion: "Love is like a large piece of cheese- 
cloth attached to a revolving bowling ball 
covered with fructose and postage 
stamps." 


NELSON GEORGE 


Looking for Nineties trends? Here's 
one: So far, much of the decade's most 
successfully visionary music has emanat- 
ed from England in the form of bands 
and singers who blend traditional pop 
styles (rock, R&B) with new ones (hip- 
hop, house). We're not talking about a 


rapper talking over an R&B track, which 
is so typical now, but a more subtle n 
ing of rhythms and har 

One of the promi 


onies. 
ng recor 


gs in 


this style is made by Se 


songs on Seol (Sire), produced by Bı 
superproducer Trevor He 
memorable concoctions. The first single 
Crazy, has an ominous keyboard arrange- 
ment spiked by an intense drum bi 
Whirlpool is a sweetly melodic ballad per- 
formed primarily over acoustic guitar 
that's reminiscent of Led Zeppelin at its 
most thoughtful. With its percussive gui 
tar lines and dynamic changes, Future 
Lowe Paradise recalls vintage Traffic and 
Norman Whitfield’s Temptations pro- 
ductions of the late Seventies. Wild is a 
brant, hooky pop song flavored with Joni 
Mitchell illusions and funk. 

Seal, possessor of a strong, throaty low- 
tenor voice, is an expressive singer who 
understands how to record his voice so 
that its raw edges are preserved. Unlike 
Terence Trent D'Arby and Lenny 
Kravitz, black artists who are equally 
eclectic in their musical choices, Seal 
pulls off lis aural collage with a freshness 
and an individuality chat demand rc- 
spect. Without a doubt, this is one of the 
year’s most impressive debuts. 


n, are sm 


FAST TRACKS 


Christgau 
4 8 6 Z: 6 
8 Pi 6 5 8 
Mary's Donish 
Circa. 3 7 6 4 7 
5 6 8 7 8 
Van Morrison 
Hymns to the Silence 8 7 3 8 7 
BEST PR RELEASE OF THE MONTH DEPART- zations assisting the hungry and the 
MENT: The National Association of homeless. . . . Smokey Robinson has 


Brick Distributors is promoting its 
second annual Brick Video Awards. 
Wipe the disbelief of your face right 
now. The association has nominated. 
sts es, judging 
the videos by, among other things, the 
amount of brick construction shown 
in them. Here аге a couple of cate- 
gories: Best Alternative Rock Brick 
Video and Best Video Using Brick to 
Achieve a Single Purpose. Not to 
mention Best New Artist in a Brick 
Video. The night wouldnt be com- 
plete without inducting Iggy Pop into 
the Brick Hall of Fame. For his LP 
Brick by Brick, of course. 

REELING AND ROCKING: Bon Jovi kcy- 
board David Bryon scoring thc 
movie Netherworld, Edgar Winter is also 
writing songs for rhe film. 
Vega is composing the score lor a 
cable-[ V. movie of a Corson McCullers 
short story, A Domestic Dilemma. st 
ring Roy Liotte and Andie MocDowell, 
The Rolling Stones concert movie Sleel 
Wheels had a film-lestival premiere in 
Toronto and should be coming to a 
theater near you. 

NEWSBREAKS: Prince has been asked 
10 compose a score for the Joffrey Bol- 
let. . .. Annie Leibovitz, who went from 
taking great photos of rock-and- 
rollers to taking great photos ol every- 
one, is currently the subject of a 
touring retrospective. For a look at 
her portraits of popular icon 
your local museum schedule. 
ng to be in L.A. thi 
you'll want to head over to the Gi 
heater to hear a night of music 
called Jazz to End Hunger. Artists 
such as Dello Reese, Maynard Ferguson, 
Ahmad Jomol, George Duke and Tom 
scott will be making sweet noise t 
benefit a number of national organi- 


Suzanne 


you're go 


composed music and lyrics for a 
Broadway musical called Hoops, about 
the life of the creator of the Harlem 
Globetrotters. . . . Another bio headed 
for Broadway is Love, Janis, about the 
life of Janis Joplin. . .. Coming on the 
In Your Ear label, CDs and cassettes of 
National Lampoon radio shows from 
the Seventies. Listen for the first two 
with John Belushi, Gilda Rodner, Bill Mur. 
roy, Billy Crystal, Chevy Chase and 
Christopher Guest. . . . The tours that 
survived one of the worst summers 
in history, financially speaking, were 
those that kept ticket prices low, such 
as Damn Yenkees/Bed Company, and 
such groups as the Dead, who have 
ab n audience with 
Dovid Lee Roth and Guns n' Roses foun- 
dered. . . . Doc Pomus' son, Geoffrey 
Felder, is org; 


izing a series of con- 
certs at the Lone Star Cafe їп New 
York. Once a month, the likes of Dr. 
John, Ben E. King, Billy Vero and South- 
side Johnny will do shows to raise mon- 
ey for the Doc Pomus Fund of the 
Rhythm and Blues Foundation. The 
fund helps struggling singer/song- 
writers pay rent and medical expens- 
es... You say you don't have enough 
rock-and-roll. memorabilia? Or you 
need the perfect gift for your middle- 
aged hippie aunt? How about a Beotles 
plate in fine china? The Bradford Ex 
change is taking orders for an eight- 
and-a-half-inch plate banded in 22-kt. 
gold. For more infor on, call 300- 
577. For $24.75, you can eat off 
it. What can you eat? I you were at 
Christie's auction in London last sum- 
л, you could 1 (yes, for cash) 
on a piece of toast George Harrison was 
served for breakfast August 2, 1963. 
Hold the marmalade! 

BARBARA NELLIS 


30 


MOVIES 


By BRUCE WILLIAMSON 


IT'S DOUBTFUL that any American director 
other than Terry Gilliam would even at- 
tempt a movie as far out and phantas- 
magorical as The Fisher King (Tri-Star). 
Richard LaGravenese's multilayered first 
screenplay has fallen into the right 
hands—with Gilliam directing Jeff 
Bridges, Robin Williams, Mercedes 


Ruehl and Amanda Plummer in a dense, 
hing comedy about love, loss and 


astoni 
redemption. Dynamic in the richest 
movie role he has ever had, Bridges plays 
Jack. a cruel New York deejay whose ra- 
dio talk show is renowned for insults and 
shock value. After driving one unstable 
listener to commit mass murder and sui- 
cide, he abruptly falls from grace. A year 
or so later, he's drinking himself to death 
and working in a video store with a wom- 
an who loves him (Ruehl). By chance, 


Jack encounters a homeless dreamer 


named Parry (Williams), who is search- 
ing for the Holy Grail and believes he has 
located it in a rich man's palatial man- 
n. Parry's other romantic fixation 
turns out to be a plain girl named Lydia 
(Plummer). 

How the lives of Jack, Parry and the 
women they love are intricately interwo- 
ven keeps Fisher King soaring through 
one surreal scene after another. The 
movie boasts visions of a medieval Red 
Knight whose head shoots flame, river- 
front thugs who like setting people afire, 
plus some free-form riffs of human com- 
edy by all hands. Bridges and Williams 
arc at least matched by Ruehl, in a classic 
poruait of a woman fighting to keep her 
man without losing her identity. There's 
also a delicious bit by Michael Jeter as a 
gay, balding hoofer sent to woo the shy 
Lydia with a mad musical impersonation 
of Ethel Merman in Gypsy. Like Brazil 
nd previous Gilliam works, Fisher King 
bypasses easy formula moviemaking to 
score as a bold, unique and exhilarating 
cinematic trip. УУУУ 

. 

Three modern New York couples still 
struggling to get the hang of the mating 
game hold center stage in Married to Н 
(Orion). The youngest p. played by 
Mary Stuart Masterson and Robert Sean 
Leonard, whose wholesome appeal 
serves to remind us that "Yuppies are 
people, too." She's а high school psy- 
chologist, he's on Wall Street and wrong: 
ly accused of financial chicanery. 
Through a school PTA. project, they be- 
come chummy with Stockard Channing 
and Beau Bridges, playing a couple of so- 
cially aware Sixties types with two kids 
and smoky memories of Woodstock. The 
third pair consists of Cybill Shepherd, a 


Fisher King: This Robin's no hood. 


Fisher King: exhilarating; 
Married to It: charming; 
Lily Tomlin: magnificent. 


Big Business sexpot, and her husband 
the toy manufacturer (Ron Silver), whose 
sulky young daughter (Donna Vivino) 
makes Stepmom’s life difficult. Under di- 
rector Arthur Hiller, working with Janet 
Kovalcik’s loosely organized but lively 
screenplay, the women in the cast appear 
to be the great equalizers. There's a bit 
too much stress on soapy sentimentality 
but plenty of counterbalancing clever- 
ness and compassion. Channing is a 
mesmerizing performer, and Shepherd 
throws away zingy one-liners, as when 
she looks back with mixed emotion at the 
sexual mores of yesteryear: “Then it was 
easier to fuck somebody than to explain 
why you don't feel like it." Overall, Mar- 
ried to It has charm, wry humor and first- 
class acting. ¥¥¥ 


e. 

The white-hot intensity of Mimi 
Rogers’ performance makes The Rapture 
(Fine Line) fascinating even when it 
comes dangerously close to becoming a 
piece of pure fundamentalist. claptrap. 
Writer-director Michael Tolkin casts 
Rogers as Sharon, a terminally bored 
telephone operator who swings with 
strangers she picks up in bars. One 
night, she meets a guy aptly named 
Randy (David Duchovny), loves and loses 
child and discovers God. In 
ct, Sharon finally gets religion in such a 
heady dose that she becomes a mad fa- 
natic who kills her little girl as a hum; 
sacrifice and winds up behind bars. She 
also winds up escaping, possibly through 


€ intervention, and stands on a hill- 
top awaiting . . . well, either the paddy 
wagon or ihe apocalypse. Spiritual soul 
searchers are apt to see this as a movie 
well worth talking about; others will see it 
at their own risk. Yy/? 
" 
Almost simultancously leaping in 
Lyn, Edie 
women 


nd 
and 
whose 


out of character as 
Marge—three young 
friendship survives the feminist revolu- 
tion for a couple of decades—Lily Tom 
lin is magnificent. “IF I had known thi 
was what it would be like to have it all, 
she muses as a harried Yuppie matron, 


might have been willing to settle for 


less.” Also among the dozen people por- 
trayed in the film version of her one- 
woman show, The Search for Signs of 
Intelligent Life in the Universe (Orion Clas- 
sics), are a bag lady named Trudy and a 
teenaged punk called Agnus Angst. Per- 
formed on screen with more costumes 
and scenery than she ever needed on 
stage, Tomlin’s Search (directed by John 
Bailey from Jane Wagner's eloquent 
screenplay) is hilarious, perceptive and 
at its vibrant best when Lily just wings it 
without props or visual aids. УУУУ 
. 

ап Penn, making his debut as a writ 
er and diverior with The Indian Runner 
(MGM/Pathe), has already expressed his 
intention to give up his acting career (see 
this month's. Playboy Interview). On the 
evidence here, Penn's strongest point as 
a film maker is his ability to showcase the 
exceptional power and presence of his 
cast—especially that of David Morse (a 
TV recruit best known for Sz. Elsewhere) 
and Viggo Mortensen, a less familiar face 
who could become an overnight sensa- 
tion in the bad-boy tradition of Marlon 
Brando. The two play brothers; Morse is 
Joc, a highway patrolman in a small 
American town, Mortensen his wastrel 
sibling, Frank. Penn clearly identifies 
with the tempestuous, shorttempered 
brawler, Frank, and Mortensen more 
than lives up to his expectations. Valeria 
Golino and Patricia Arquette register 
strongly. too, as the women in their lives. 
Charles Bronson plays the boys’ suicidal 
dad, with Dennis Hopper as a brutish 
bartender. Where the movie fails is in its 
self-conscious stylization—a common er- 
ror by Hedgling directors—and in Penn's 
screenplay, which has too much narra- 
tion. Although often pretentious, ийан 
Runner still racks up some bull's-eyes as 
the work of a gifted, ambitious young 
man with a lot on his mind and a lot to 
learn. УУУ» 


. 

The lady of the house (Diane 1. 
whose Southern family takes in a 
promiscuous maid in Rambling Rose (Sev 
en Arts) circa 1935, holds a tolerant view 


—— — 


zum im 


Fortunately, every day comes 


ШИ. 


with an evening. 


32 


of the simple country girl under th 
roof. “It’s not sex that she wants, it's 
love,” drawls milady. And, of course, she's 
right. Touchingly played by Laura Dern 
(Ladd's real daughter, in fact). Rose is a 
girl of easy virtue who offers herself to 
the family’s aloof daddy (Robert Duvall), 
les 13-year-old Buddy (Lukas Hai 
launch his sex education by exploring 


Hart (left), Thing (on Julia) 


OFF CAMERA 


You won't be seeing all of magi- 
cian Christopher Hert, 30, in the up- 
coming film version of The Addams 
Family: just five fingers’ worth. Hart 
actually plays a character called 
Thing. a disembodied hand. "It's 
not scary,” he notes, “but lovable. 
Thing plays practical jokes. more 
like a family pet.” Preparing for his 
scenes—most of them opposite 
Raul Julia, as Gomez—Hart had 
his hand in make-up for roughly 
45 minutes a day. When the cam- 
eras started rolling, “they'd shoot 
me running across the floor, then 
erase my body from the film frame 


by frame, leaving nothing visible 
but the hand. IVs ninety percent 
special effects.” 

How does one get such a job? 
Being a 


performing mag 


began studying magic 
nine and appears reg- 
gic Castle, a pri- 


He 


ularly at The М 
vate LA. club for n 
has also strutted his stuff from ; 
lantic City to Vegas to Osaka. 2 
audition for the Thing gig, film 
makers asked Hart to make his 
hand express various emotions 
looking happy. sad, angry, tired, 
drowsy ied you can portray 
nds. Га let my 
s do the walking or start 
jumping 
rt sees The Addams Family as 
art of something big. “It may 
у. but I dream about the 
possibility of a T V series. Thing is 
the hero of this movie. I can see him 
on TY, getting dues, solving 
crimes. With camera magic, Гуе 
learned vou can do anything you 
want.” 


her body in bed and inflames some vil- 
lage louts to start scrapping over her on 
the front lawn. Adapted by Calder Will- 
ingham from his autobiographical novel, 
Rose is introduced by John Heard, as the 
adult Buddy, in a long nostalgic fash- 
back. Director Martha Coolidge gives the 
movie an old-fashioned air of genteel 
decadence that's erotic and mellow, as 
well as hard to resist. ¥¥¥ 
. 

The seemingly random murder of an 
old Jewish woman who operates a hock 
shop triggers the action of Homicide (Tri- 
umph). Joe Mantegna is low-key but ш- 
terly commanding as Bobby Gold, a New 


York police officer who is hardly aware of 


his own eth roots as a [ew until the 
clues in the case lead him into a net of 
neo-Nazi anti-Semites. He also locates a 
secret Israeli organization that needs his 
help. Gold ultimately comes face to face 
with his own prejudices when his partner 
(William Н. Macy) is shot by a black fugi- 
tive during an unrelated drug bust. Writ- 
er-director David Mamet has made 
Homicide an intellectual thriller full of 
dark thoughts about the nature of evil. 
The movie's explosive wit and violence 
are totally controlled substances—with 
nothing wasted or gratuitous, either in 
the tight Mamet screenplay or in Man- 
tegna’s cool work as a man on the brink 
of a psychological crisis. yvy з 
° 

‘Two teenaged sisters fall in love with 
the same lad in director Robert Mulli- 
gan's The Man in the Moon (MGM/Pathe), a 
sensitive Family drama written by Jenny 
Wingfield, Young Re 
plays the 14-year-old tomboy who be- 
comes pals with a neighboring farm boy 
named Court (Jason London) and sneaks 
off to go swimming with him. She's on 
cloud nine until Court meets her 17- 
year-old sister M een (Emily Warfield). 
Before the sibling rivalry gets out of 
hand, tragedy strikes. Sam Waterston 
and Tess Harper play the girls" parents, 
as wholesome as the mom and dad in a 
Disney movie. Man in the Moon is 
poignant and appealing, handled with 
care by Mulligan, who got a 1962 Ose. 
nomi ion for his direction of To Kill a 
Mockingbird. Wa 


¢ Witherspoon 


. 

London-born Patsy Kensit (who was 
Mel Gibson's love interest in Lethal 
Weapon 2) exudes charisma in Twenty-One 
(Triton) as an English bird on the loose 
in Manhattan, London and Venice. She is 
Katie, who works her wiles on a number 
of male pursuers—most of th 
ried, drugged or otherwise engaged. She 
also has to address the movie camera di- 
rectly in a recurrent monolog that is no 


help at all. However, Kensit’s plucky 
screen presence gives Twenty-One a lift 
even as the odds mount against it. YV 


MOVIE SCORE CARD 


capsule close-ups of current films 
by bruce williamson 


Barton Fink (Reviewed 10/91) Vintage 
Hollywood, a house of horrors. YYY/2 
Brenda Starr (10/91) As the comic-strip 


reporter: Brooke Shields. yy 
City of Hope (10/91) John Sayles's essay 
on big-town corruption. Уу 


The Commitments (9/91) sing the 
roof with a Dublin rock group. УУУУ 
Dead Again (10/01) In an L.A. suspense 


drama, Kenneth Brana 


sh and top ac- 
tors enjoy a field day. vw 
The Doctor (Listed only) Superior soap, 
with William Hurt as an ailing medic 
tasting his own medicine yyy 
The Fisher King (See review) Here, Man- 
hautan is Gilliam’s island. УУУУ 
Homicide (See review) Mantegna оп 
fire as New York's finest. WI) 
Hot Shots! (Listed only) Delightfully 
dizzy spoof of Top Gun and other hit 
movies, with Charlie Sheen wy 
The Indian Runner (Scc review) Sean 
Penn runs the show this time. — Ум 
The Man in the Moon (See review) Sisters 
with boy trouble. Wie 
Married to It (See review) Three cou- 
ples working things out. wy 
The Miracle (9/91) Beverly D'Angelo as 
a worldly woman with a secret. yy 
Naked Tango (10/01) Beautiful but dumb 
drama has Mathilda May trapped in 
a Buenos Aires bordello. yy 
Prisoners of the Sun (7/91) War crimes 
charged by Bryan Brown. wy 
Rambling Rose (See review) Laura Dern 
spreads love all around. ww 
The Rapture (Sec review) Sex drive de- 
railed into religious zeal Wh 
The Search for Signs of Intelligent Life in 
the Universe (See review) Lily Tomlin аз 
lots of people УУУУ 
Sox, Drugs, Rock and Roll (9/91) Bo- 


gosian's one-man show. УУУУ 
Terminator 2: Judgment Day (10/91) 


Arnold's back, on a hell-to-pay mis- 
sion to save the world. yv 
Twenty-One (See review) Coming of 
age, sort of, with Patsy Kensit. YY 
Undertow (10/91) The entrapment of a 
political closet queen. y 
Whore (10/01) Theresa Russell as a 
streetwalker who shows le but tells 
all. Yh 


YYYY Don't miss 
¥¥¥ Good show 


YY Worth а look 
¥ Forget it 


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VIDEO 


BRUCE ON VIDEO 
our movie critic goes to the tape 


With baseball's World Series upon us, it’s 
time to pitch some diamond epies worthy 
of instant replay. Wind up with: 

The Bingo Long Traveling All-Stars & Motor 
Kings: With Richard Pryor, nes Earl 
and other heavy hitters, Billy Dee 
ms stars in а rollicking comedy 
about blacks playing ball when racism 
ruled the sport. 

Damn Yankees: Bob Fosse choreographed 
this bouncy version of the Broadway mu- 
sical, with Gwen Verdon helping the Dev- 
il ransti ay (Tab Hui 
imo a baseball w 
The Jackie Robinson Story: Jackie as himself 
atization of his historic 
10 break 


man ave 


career as 


using spool 

а winning team of 
-up in- 

Sheen, 


Major League: Silly but 
low and inside—abou 
losers on a Cleveland club. Li 
dudes Tom Berenger and Char 
with Corbin Bernsen on deck 
The Pride of the Yankees: Gary Cooper is 
grand as Lou Gehrig in a heart- 
breaker about the baseball great who had. 
a disease named alter him. A slew of Os- 
car nominations, all deserved. 

Other VCR М.У: Bang the Drum Slow- 
ly Bull Durham, Eight Men Out, Field of 


Dreune, The Natural. CEWILLIAMSON 
MUSEUM QUALITY 
What do dinosaurs, Archie Bunkers 


“ 
common? They're just three of 
100,000,000 treasures housed in Wa 
ingron's Smithsonian Institution now le 
tured in seven collectible videos. Among 
them: 
Creatures Great and Small: Narrators James 
Earl Jones and James Whitme 
10 a world inhabited by dinosaurs—with 
their fearsome arsenal of spikes, plates 
and armor—and to a tropical rain forest 
bugs 


and the Hope diamond have in 
the 


ncy 


for a close-up look a 
The Flying Machines: So: 
tic lootage of a World War 
Thirties barnstormers and ti 
entury aeronauts in their m 
nificent gravity-delying machines. 
Gems and Minerals: The ultimate rock. 
video features a 4.6-billion-year-old me 
the legendary 45.5-carat Hope 
mond and a peek into the museum s 


back in time with 
Two 


olla Blue Room and vault. Keep 
your hands to yourselves. 
Our Biosphere: Actor and e »mentalist 


Robert Redford gives us the dirt on how 
the Biosphere I project—an ecological 
Noah's Ark of the 20th Century 
save our planet. 

Other tapes 


can 


the series include a 
Dudley Moore peeks 
the closets of st Ladies (the hig 
light is Nancy singing Secondhand Clothes) 


nd a visit to the National Zoo. 

ailable [rom Public Media Video, 800-262- 
S600; on disc from Lumivision, 800-776- 
UMI. — HELEN FRANGOULIS 


VIDEOSYNCRASIES 

Italianamerican and The Big Shave: A pair ol 
featurettes from master film maker 
n Scorsese—the former an inti- 
mate chat with his folks: the latter, a 
black comedy about how a man's morn- 
ing ablutions turn into а blood bath 
(Home Vision Cinema). 
The Making of “Miss Saigon”: Step-by-step 
docuvid tracing the evolution of. the 
Broadway megasmash, from the design- 
ing of its logo to opening night in Lon- 
don. Vid curiously side-steps the protests 
the musical met along the way, but that’s 
showbiz (HBO). 


THE HARDWARE CORNER 
Wet ’n’ Wild: Wanna take your cam- 
corder on your next skin-diving jaunt? 
No problem. Panasonic now has an un- 
derwate its VHS-C Palm 
corder line. Youll be watertight to 5 
meters, $499. —MAURY LEVY 


housing f 


VIDBITS 

Talk about your odd couples: Kit Parker 
Video has announced this double release: 
Sex and Buttered Popcorn, a look back at 
naughty classics of yesteryear: and De- 
cember 7th: The Movie, the suppressed 
full-length version of John Ford's de 
mentary about Pearl Harbor 

member the 1989 


| 


I SII 


^| love action films," 

says actor, director 

and former com- 

mander of the U.S.S. 

Enterprise William 

Shatner, “because | 

love to direct action.” 

> And video is the per- 

fect medium for the 

star, who likes to “roll the tape back and 
forth” to study the techniques of Francis 
Ford Coppola, Ridley Scott, David Lean 
and Martin Scorsese (“His work is the per- 
fect amalgam of action, visualization and 
drama”). Shatner also lends his talents to 
special vid projects such as Ultimata Sur- 
vivors, a look at how four real-life cops 
overcame major crises. And then there's 
Star Trek, which wrapped its final movie 
chapter last summer. "It's the last one and 
I'm really very sad," admits Shatner—but 
apparently not sad enough to watch the 
legendary space show on TV ("I flick past 
it”). And what about that gift the studio 
once sent him—the complete 79-tape Star 
Trek collection? "They're still in their wrap- 
pers.” Dops. DOROTHY B. ATCHESON 


Dove- 


hc Emmy-grabbing, star-studded 
homage to the cattle drive 

has put all six and a half ho 
Now all you need is a little spare 


Cabin Fever 


s on tape. 


time. 


MOVIE 


FEELING WESTERN 


Dances with Wolves (Kevin Costrer, Oscor's darling, goes | 
native with this stunning hamage to Plains virtue]; Son of the 
Morning Star (Gary Cole as Custer confronts his “Indian 
thing" at Little Big Horn; salid history made for TV); The 
Shadow Riders (Civil War vets Tom Selleck and Sam Elliot 
save Sam's gal from o Mexican brothel). 


FEELING WEIRD 


Twin Peaks (European version of series’ premier 
Lynch's whadunit ending); Nothing but Trouble (Beetlejuice 
meets Rocky Harror in Dan Aykroyd's odd directing debut); 
Spitting Image (the famous ugly British puppets take an fave 
“targets —among them, Reagan and Thatcher—in two tapes). 


includes. 


FEELING HARMONIC 


The Five Heartbeats (Robert Townsend frants a Motown-in- 
spired quintet; OK saga with sa-sa soul); The All-Star Reg- 
gae Session (infectious greatest- 
and Ziggy Marley); Zydeco Nite "N' Day (vid docu-primer 
explores the joyful noise af bayou funk; stars golare). 


stuff with Jimmy Cliff 


34 


By DIGBY DIEHL 


NORMAN MAILER is an exasperating ge 
His huge (1307 pages) new novel, Harlot’s 
Ghost (Random House), demonstrates in 
many passages that he is still a dazzling 
prose stylist. It also offers us plenty of his 
quirky imaginative intelligence as he sur- 
veys the American pol landscape. 
Fhis is the Mailer we admire. His gift for 
describing powerful dramatic n 
and for providing unorthodox philo- 
sophical insights has nor deserted hin 
Unfortunately, neither have his obses- 
sions. 

Mailer indulges his fantasies about the 
death of Marilyn Monroe, the aflairs of 
Judith Campbell Exner, the Bay of Pi 
ion, plots to assassinate Fidel Castro 


and the undermining influence of the 
American life. There is an alltoo- 
miliar manly swagger to the dialog as 


several of his characters revel in the de- 
tails of their prodigious sex lives (and 
provide investigations into aberrant ho- 
mosexual and transvestite behavior) 
Longtime Mailer readers will see him in 
some of these passages as veering dan- 
gerously close to sell-parody. 

Harlol's Ghost, at one level, is an 
extended commentary on significant 
events in American history from 1955 to 
1963, as seen through ihe eyes of a 
young CLA man named Harry Hubbard. 
His father r Company opera- 
tive, and Hubbard is recruited right out 
of St. Matthew's and guided through Yale 
by Hugh Montague (code name: Harlot), 


is a care 


a character based on the legendary CIA 
Chief of Counterintelligence James Jesus 
Angletoi 


Plot summary rarely does justice to any 
saga as sweeping as this one. The heart 
of Harlot’s Ghost is the complex and 
evolving relationships among a few cen- 
tral characters. The bulk of the story is 
told in long, intimate (in terms both of 
romantic overtones and of espionage) 
letters between Hubbard and Harlot's 
wile, Kittredge (a couple, we are told, 
who will later cuckold Harlot and then 
marry). Frequently, the story is focused 
ona fumbling search for the elusive wath 
id contradictory and unreliable 
ports from people who must trust one 
another for information. (The CIA: Mail- 
er's metaphor for contemporary life 

“L didn't know the beginning of what I 
was doing. nor would 1 now know the 
end." admits Hubbard. Mailer appar 
ly finds these games of ruth and illusion 
so compelling that he sees no need to 
give the reader a satisfying answer to 
most of these spy puzzles or even a con- 
clusion to some plot episodes. Most frus- 
trating of all is that he wraps this story 
within a story by telling us at the outset 
that Hubbard is rereading a 2000-page 


Harlot's Ghost: A Mailer fantasy. 


Mailer defies storytelling 
conventions; Breslin brings 
Damon Runyon to life. 


manuscript—the story of his Ме in the 
Cla—ıhat he has smuggled into Moscow 
on microfilm. So. 1307 pages late 
whats the payoll? There is none, only 
adve ms for himself, Harlot's Ghost 
is а disappointment, an opportunity 
squandered. 
Happily, Mailer's former political rur 
ng mate, Jimmy Breslin, has written 
the best book of his life in the biography 
of Damon Runyon ( licknor & Fields). Run- 
yon, best known for Guys and Dolls, the 
musical based on his short stories, was 
areer New York journalist and colum 
nist who from the Teens to the Forties 
immortalized the colorful characters 
= out on Broadway. Breslin, a 
st lor Newsday who has been 
praised as a latter-day Runyon, tells ihe 
story of the es writer's life with his 
best Gang That Couldn't Shoot Straight 
prose. This is an original biography with 
h empathy, insight, he 
mor that you will savor every p 
yon woulda loved i 

Frederick Forsyth’s latest book. The De- 
ceiver (Bantam). is really four novellas 
deverly woven into a novel: a review of 
the € iding cases handled by Sam 
McCready, a British Intelligence opera- 
tive fighüng retirement. Since The Day of 
the Jackal, Forsyth has demonstrated his 
talent for the tension and tight plotting 
of spy thrillers. This book, which shitis 
from Berlin 10 Libya to the 
Ca will enhance his reputation, 
а dy will take his place along- 


isen 


East 


side George Smiley in the pantheon of 
espions 

Finally. a tough and eloquent collec 
tion of war memoirs by Philip Caputo 
focuses on batle fronts in Saigon 
Mghanistan and the Middle Fast Means 
of Escape (Harper-Collins) is Сари fol- 
low-up to his classic report from Vie 
nam, A Rumor of War, and his description 
of the “suicide” of Lebanon is as chilling 
and riveting as any war reportage weve 
read anywhere 


BOOK BAG 


Three Blind Mice (Random House), by 
Ken Auleta: The intriguing blow-by- 
blow story of how managerial incompe 
tence inside. АВС, CBS and. NBC. led. 
network TV into doing a Deu 

You Gotta Play Hurt (Simon & Schuster), 
by Dan Jenkins: Another. hilarious. fic 
tional romp through the sports world, 
this time seen through the eyes of a 
randy sports columnist 

Simon and Garfunkel (Birch Lane), by 
Joseph Morella and Patricia Barey: The 
events that shaped the lives, the art and 
the love-hate relationship of the duo who 
were the voice of a generation. 

The New Comics Anthology (Collier), 
edited by Bob Callahan: Explore the bor 
derless badlands with America's best 
postmodern cartoonists 

Pilots (Simon & Schusier), by William 
Neely: gnilicem 
women—in their flying machines 
scribe the timeless thrill of Hight 

Camels Are Easy, Comedy’s Hard (V 
by Roy Blount Jr: Humorist 
naire Blount incorporates a 
hyena, а man-wrestling deer and his cel- 
ebrated crossword puzzle into this witty 
64-story collection. 

Brotherly Love (Random House), by Pete 
Dexter: The award-winning. author of 
Paris Trout telly the violent story of two 
boys born into a Mob family and how 
they grow up on the mean streets ol 
Philadelphia learning the “business.” 

Erotica (Fawcett Columbine), edited by 
Margaret. Reynolds: A provocative à 
thology of prose, poctry, songs and jour 
nals that ch: the conventional 


men—and 


Those v 


de- 


ard). 
Draondi- 


ose-eating 


lenge 


definition of erotica. Among the alle 
male cast of contributors: Anais Nin. 
George Sand, Margaret Atwood 


The Last Days of John Lennon (Birch 
Lane). by Frederic Seaman: A personal 
memoir from Lennon's. aide-de-camp. 
who paints a portrait ofa tormented man 
Yoko would like to see this one disappear 

The Walls Around Us (Villard), by David 
Owen: What Tracy Kidder's House did for 
home buildi Walls does lor remodel- 
ing and repairs. A witty guide to that in- 
timidating jumble of wires, boards and 
plaster we like to call home 


El 


W 
Der 1991. 


Y, Q y E 0 


BREAKDANCING 


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zz Top: Recycler 
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Hank Wiliams, Jt. 
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(Warrer/Curb) 60351 


..The ultimate in savings... 
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Chicago: Twenty 1 
(Reprise) 10533 


Vanilla ce: To Tre. 
Extreme (SEX) 24689 


Sinéad O'Cornor | Do 
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Got (Chnsals) 33512 
Rise Auri Enough 

te Art 
¿Mame Bs) 10381 
Peter Ganer: So 
(Getler) 14768 
Suzanne Ciani: 
Бино 
{Prvate Music) 11047 + 
Horowitz At Home 
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Ceee-Lite: World Clique 
елга) 32050 
n Bon Jovi Blaze Of 
Gory (Morc) aaao 
Kentucky Headhunters: 
Pickin On Nashville 
(neun) аай 
Cunen Roses: 
Аррайе For Oestruc- 
AER Geren rosea 
The Civil War TV Se. 
pr 


Tho Go-Gos : Greatest 
Hits (LAS) 50315 
Jeffrey Osborne: Only 
Human (Arista) 00545 
2: Ваше And Hum 
(sland) 00596 

Neil Young: Ragged 
Glory (Reprise) 34621 
Bon Jovi: New Jersey 
(Mercury) 00516 

Det Leppard: Pyromania 
(Mercury) 70402 

Caryl Hall & John Oates: 
Change Of Season 
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Кент Whitley: Greatest 
Hits (RCA) 10720 

Elton sohn: Greatest 
Hits, Vol. 1 (NCA) 63322 


Michael Feinstein: 
The MGN Album 
(Bekira) 10699. 


(Ancla) 53326 
Moody Blues: Days Of 
Future Passed 
(Threshold) 44245 


Bread: Anthology Of 
Bread (аа) 69385 


games Taylor: Greatest 
Fits (нерее) 23790 
Scorpions: Crazy World 
(Mercury) 14795 

Johnny Gill 

Motown) 00738 
Alabama Pass It On 
Gown (FCA) 00531 
Winger: In The 

Heart Of The Young 
(atlantic) 00870 

The Best Of The Jets 
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Jott Lynne: Armchair 
"Theatre (Reprise) 00803 


Paula Abdul: Forever 
Your Girt (vigi) 00933 
Guns N: Roses: GN'R 
Чез (Geiler) 00805 
The Winans: Return 
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The Unforgettable Glenn 
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Ratt: Detonator 
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ieorge Strait: 
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Deep Purple: Slaves & 
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The Moody Blues: 
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Madonna: Im 
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ALTFF 


STYLE 


FOREVER PLAID 


Dead men may not wear plaid, but this year, just about anyone 
who's breathing will bc. With fashion taking its cuc from the 
rugged outdoors, the emphasis is on buffalo and blanket 

plaids. Lumberjack: 
style jackets by com- 
panies 


such as 
Woolrich, Pendleton, 
Nautica and Tommy 
Hilfiger is the num- 
ber-one look, in pri 
ging from $140 
Plaid hunt- 
ing shirts have been 
updated with great 
bright colors by Willis 
& Geiger (585), and 
Mondo di Marco of- 
fers a rich range of 
owbré plaid shirts 
with a subtle shadow 
ellect ($130). Lay 
ing plaid is another 
way to go, as shown їп 
this Bill Robinson 
outfit, which includes 
\ a plaid jacket ($325) 

and matching 

shirt ($125), plus striped trousers ($140). Tartans are a 
so popular. Plaid, by the way, is not synonymous with 
tartan. Scottish t; te back to the 
with each design designating a specific cli 


NEW WORK ETHIC 


During the fall shows in Milan, 
Paris and New York, men on the 
runway looked more like immi- 
nts, farmhands and mechanics than 
like the power brokers of the Fighties. 
Italian designers Dolce & Gabbana led 
the way with a parade of Sicilian peas- 
ants decked out in saggy sweaters and 
droopy drawers; back home, Perry 
played up patchwork and Basco adv 
thrift-shop chic, complete with fisherman 
ps and fingerless gloves. Old-fashioned 
union suits showed up from Andrew Fezza, 
and Bill Robinson turned mechanic's twill 
into zip-front jackets. Even classic design- 
ers, such as Joseph Abboud, got in on the 
denim-and-sweat-shirt action. If you can 
live without designer labels, you'll find 
these looks for less at surplus stores. 


2 


2 


НОТ SHOPPING: MONTREAL 


French culture thrives around Montreal's Rue Saint-Laurent, 
making it the next best thing to a quick tip to Paris. Here's 
ıo spot the 

chic, bon genre 
(that’s beautiful peo- 
ple): Ameriea/Tris- 
tan and Iseut (1001 
Laurier West): Casual 
clothes with a high- 
fashion French fla- 
vor. e Revenge (3352 
Saint-Denis): Cwt- 
ting-edge clothes at 
reasonable prices of NBC's Seinfeld, 
from Montreal s lead- “sets the tone for his 
ing designers. e City entire performance.” 


where 
bon 


VIEWPOINT 


When people call actor/comedian 
Jerry Seinfeld one of the best- 
dressed comedians on the stand-up 
circuit, they're not 
joking. “What a co- 
median wears on 
stage,” says the star 


(3917 Saint-Denis): He says his quick- 
Avant-garde bou- witted act calls for 
tique offering club "power colors, such 


clothes for disco wan- as navy and red, but 


nacbes. e Scandale not too corporate.” 
) Saint-Lau- That шешу теапз 

: A triplex full something Ьу Hugo 
fashions from Boss or Armani, Par- 
aviator leathers to achute shirts and 
vintage Fifties Kenneth Cole shoes. Off stage, 
Sixtieslooks.e Bar — however, he “tries to cultivate the 
Business (3500 uncultivated look" with jeans, Gap 
Saint-Laurent) T-shirts and solid-colored oxford 
J houet shirts. "The toughest fashion deci- 
chub in sion | want to make is figuring out 


town. 


what pair of Nikes looks best with 
my jeans.” 


DRINK NOTES 


Jack Daniel's for holiday 
Check out its 9x12 tin 
with a bottle of its famous Old No.7 sour 
h and a reproduction of a distill- 
er's thermometer. The boxed set is sold 
October through December only. The sets 
are about $30 each, so stock up for Chri 

. Looking for an unusual winter wine? 
ry Cockburn's Aged Tawny Port. The ten-year- 
old is fruity and vigorous (about $15), while 
the 20-year-old is elegant and complex (about 


You can't be 
promotions. 


$30) . The Hotel Association of New York 
held its annual. bartender. competition and 
the wii was The Peninsula Hotel on Lp 


Avenue with а drink named—surprise! 
The Big Apple. Its sort of like cider with 


SEET SY TE 


OUTERWEAR 


OUT 


STYLE 


Duffel coats, varsity jackets, car coats 
опа toggle coats 


Down jackets or coats, fur coats апа 
military coats on civilians 


COLORS AND FABRICS 


Bold plaids; waxed cotton, suede, wool 
melton, leather and cashmere 


Nylon/wool blends and corduroy 


DETAILING 


Detachable hoods, large pockets ond 
drowstring waists 


Elastic woists and cuffs and oversized 
lopels or buttons 


Whore & How to Buy on poge 171 


The Diamond 


MS ект Ring. ` 
Is two months salary (0б 


uch to spend for something 
that lasts forever? 


E 


Сидот 
Goodman 


к 
Also ayailable al LeRoy's, Weisfield, Goodman, Osterman, Rogers, Shaw's, Belden, 
Kay. J.B. Robinson and Sterling Jewelers. For the location nearest you and our free A T 
465 buyers guide to a diamond's quality and value, call 800-869-GEMS. А diamond is forever. 


МЕМ 


he sacrifices I make for you guys! 1 

tell you, it brings tears to my € 
Here I am, one isolated asshole on the 
highway of life, and vet 1 have just devot- 
ed all my time and effort to compiling 
The Politically Coriect Sex Manual for Men 
а see, men, | know you are not get- 
ting laid on a regular basis. I know the 
women in your lives are picky, picky, 
picky. 1 know they make the rules and 
then change them without warning. They 
reject you and then act like they want to 
cut your weenies off. Come on. gentle- 
men, don't pretend it's a garden ol sen- 
suality out there. This is Ace the Base. 
You write to me and talk to me about 
your lives, and I know better. 

So, as a service to you, I went out into 
that stinking, dangerous jungle of sexual 
combat and | interviewed millions of 
women, asking them one simple ques- 
tion: “How can we better please vou 
bed, and how can we do that in a polit 
cally correct fashion so that we do not of- 
fend any of you in any way? 


To start, you have to learn to be more 
sensitive to the desir 
the women in your lives. There isa right 
way to do things. guys, then there is the 
male way to do things. Let's shape up! 

Politically correct introductions: M you see 
a woman who appeals to you, here are 
the five acceptable things you can say by 
way of introducing yourself: 

1. “Twas noticing how far superior you 

о me, and I was wondering if I could 
just worship you for a while. 

2. “1 apologize for being male and for 
oppressing you throughout your lite, but 
if it will help, ГИ let you take me home 
and call me nı mc with 
cookie batte: 

3. “That Gloria Steinem is a hell of a 
penetrating social critic, isn't she 
nd here before you in guilt and. 
depression because 1 am an unworthy 
male, but if I lend vou my gold credit 
card for a week, can we talk afterward?” 
Do you agree with me that mas- 
culinity is the root of all evi 

Politically correct foreplay: There are on- 
ly four permissible techniques: 

1. Pin handwritien feminist slogans on 
the pillowcase (“So many men, so little 
intelligence,” etc.), then lick them one at 
a time. 

2. Without any physical contact, watch 
video-tape replays of the National Org; 
ization lor Women's latest conve 

3. Read Our Bodies, Ouse! 


s and demands of 


mes and cove 


ion 


"s aloud. 


By ASA BABER 


THE РС. SEX 
MANUAL FOR MEN 


аз you kneel before one red candle and 
a saucer of almond oil, while your pa 
ner stands over you in her red garter belt 
nd red stockings with lipstick on h 
nipples. 

4. Stroke her inner thighs with a pe: 
cock feather while you hum / Am Woman 
and prepare to pump fur (sec below) 

Politically correct sexual. positions: Ми 
tions of these six satisfactory postures 
1 be practiced by you only aft 
of obedience, and only with y 
ner's permission 

1. Woman ам 
beneath, servile. 

2. Woman beneath, rebellious 
above, contrite. 

3. Woman in front, filled with integri- 
ty; man behind, deeply aware of his faults 
and vulnerability. 

4. Woman upside down, victorious; 
man upside down, dizzy 

5. Woman on her delt side, reserved 
and unbreakable; man on his right side, 
out of breath. 

6. Woman on her right side, dominani 
man on his left side, cringing 

Politically correct songs to be sung while 
pumping fur: The art of [ur pumping was 
first described in my April 1988 Men 
column. Refer to it [or general advice, 
However, understand that the true fur 
pumper in appreciation 


а- 


© 


ide, triumpl 


man 


always sir 


while he labors. The follow 
are considered PC 

1. Whistle While You Work 
2. The Battle Hymn of the Republic 
3. Feelings 
4. Younger than Springtime 
5. The Leave Ito Beaver the 
6. Climb Every Mountain 

Politically. correct expressions for the male 
during orgasm: Yes, it takes some sell-con- 
wol to censor your language at this ten- 
der moment, but here we are РС. 
Land, where censorship is the order of 
the day, so you'd better behave 
are only five authorized. expres 
you denigrate yourself by losing control 
of your seed: 

1. "Long live ghis of women!" 
"Oh. T have just used you as a vessel 
of pleasure for my throbbing spitfire, 
and that was thoughtless of me! 

3. “That Gloria Steinem is a hell of a 
penetrating social critic, isn't she?” 

4. “Tm sorry it happened before you 
were done, and I fully understand your 
right as an independent woman to take 
your pleasure elsewhere tonight with 
anyone you choose. 

5. “Hold on, I'm coming.” (Note: to be 
used only in extreme emergencies, and 
never more than once a year.) 

Politically correct terms of endearment after 
intercourse: Since you will be tired and she 
probably will not be, these four pet 
ings for her must be carefully memo 
rized. (Not only that but you must 
remember to employ at least two of them. 
Complete silence after sex, no matter 
how much it may please уоп, no matter 
priate it may seem, is verboten.) 
nk you. thank you, thank you." 

2. "It was incredible for me, so I hope 
it wasnt just nauseating and disgusting 
lor you." 

3. “It is enough that T, a poor male, 
have now been a hint of paradise, 
and should death overtake me at this mo- 
ment, I will happily accept my I 

4. “As God is my witness, I recognize 
that you have in no way humbled yourself 
10 me by your actions and that vou 
silla far superior human being.” 

Needless to say, there is а lot more to 
tell you. 1 mean, E haver begun to 
list those things that are considered po- 
litically incorrect during sex these c 
But then again, that would take an ency 
clopedia. A big one with many volumes 


E 


ig six songs 


ie 


There 


ns as 


сус 


1991 Schleftein & Somerset Со. NY. NY, Cognac Hennessy 40% Aic. Мої (80) 


THE 

FEELING 
of 

co Te 


HENNESS Y 


42 


WOMEN 


I was on the Sally Jessy Raphaél show! It 
was really stupid! They called and 
asked me if I wanted to be on а program 
about the men's movement. Because 1 
have a book out, I said sure. 

Guys, it was like swimming through 
The National Enquirer. There was this 
main fellow, this poor little pimple of a 
‚ who had somehow sniffed the air 
ut that there were all sorts of 


men's gi " men were 
feeling the need to communicate with 
other men about how empty and shallow 
ad painful their lives felt, and this liule 


pimple thought he could cash in and be 
come famous if he started a group called 
SIR. Who knows what it stands for? 

What the show ended up being about 
was whether bars’ and night clubs’ adver- 
night" and giving women 
free drinks was illegal or wrong or what 
ndless people walked up to the micro- 
phone and said stupetyingly moronic 
things. They said he talked like a “queer 
or something.” They made fun of his 
clothes, they told him he was out of his 
mind and ugly 

Actually, 1 agreed with hı I thi 
that free drinks for women is discrimina- 
tory and a bad idea. The point to ladies? 
night is to get women into bars and get 
them drunk so that men can score. It re- 
inforces the idea of women as passive sex 
objects who need to be taken care of and 
who need to be tricked into having sex. 

But they wouldn't let me think that. I 
was supposed to disagree with the poor 
little pimple. And whenever I stopped ar 
guing, the producer of the show waved 
her hands at me in frustration. On the 
television screen, beneath ne, it 
said something like, THINKS MEN JUST WANT 
TO CONTROL WOMEN. 

Which was not what I said at all. What E 
said to the producer in the pre-interview 
was something like, “The men's move 
ment is a good thing. because men have 
been unhappy and confused for a really 
long time and it's been hell living with 
them. But Tm nervous about one thing: 
There are men out there who have unre- 
solved fear and hatred of women and 
who will decide that that is a perfect ex- 
cuse to take back all the power, to try to 
control women again.” 

And then he pimple fulfilled. my 
prophecies by asking why there were 
women's studies at colleges when there 
€ no men's studies. 
ls, this mad. 


me crazy, because 


By CYNTHIA HEIMEL 


ME AND THE 
MEN'S MOVEMENT 


everyone with even half a brain knows 
that the reason they have designated a 
little dusty room at the end of a disused 
ridor as the "women's-studies. pro- 
an^ at certain universities is that ev- 
erything else taught in universities. is 
n's studies, 

Then some guy got up and told Sally 
Jessy that auto insurance was also dis- 
minatory against men. She blew him 
off, but 1 thought he was probably right, 
my basic position being that women and 
men should be treated. as equals, and 
that me 1 will have to give 
up certain courtesies and niceties. They 
can't be (A) treated as equals and (B) ta 
en care of. 1 strongly 
picking up the check on dates, even 
though they are lar from bein 
equals economically. 

However, I still believe in alimony in 
certain cases, such as when a woman has 
subjugated her time and earning power 
to her husband by being a homemaker 
and mother during her most financially 
productive years. 

Belore they introduced. me, they 
showed а clip of Thelma & Louise, which 1 
think isa terrific movie, but when people 
say it’s a meaningful feminist tract, 1 go 
to sleep 

Now, if they had shown Old Yeller, 1 
would have known what to do. Old Yeller 


ns that wom 


lvocate оте 


s 


mens 


is the most cogent argument for the need 
for a men's movement. It’s pure and tox 
ic propaganda. A boy's dog. which he 
loves to distraction, gets rabies and the 
boy has to shoot it. The single message in 
the movie lor boys is, “Do not cry, do not 
acknowledge that you have any feelings 
at all. Then you will be a real ma 

Nor that Г got to bring up any of that, 
because you have to yell at members of 
the panel or the audience; there is no 
discussion. And I really wanted to talk 
about [ron John, the Robert Bly book that 
has been on the bestseller list for ages 
and seems to be the cornerstone of the 
amorphous m 

1 especially like it when Bly talks about 
he calls “soft men’—men who e 
and about how 
ey seem to lack vibrancy of spi 
ey seem shapeless and empty. Men like 
that remind me of certain progressive 
clergymen who were around in the Six- 
ties. They'd have “rap” groups and talk 
about being “with it,” and were so dull 
and synthetic. You had to laugh at them. 
Women have a lot of trouble with “sensi 
tive men” who say all the right things, 
because there seems to be something 
dishonest at their core. 

But one thing Bly takes as a given is 
that men need a King. Someone to wor- 
ship and follow. Why do men need a 
king? What's the point? 1 don't get it. Do 
they feel insecure without a role model? 
If they do, they rc trouble, since all 
they ¢ Bush and Arnold 
Schwarzenegger. Women even 
worse role models, bu 
mind so much. Maybe we're used to in 
ve 


mbraced fe 


how 


have is Ge 


have 
we dor 


ting ourselves. 
IVS exciting to sec that men ha 
ticed these bad role models and the life 
denying propaganda being thrown. at 
them from every direction. especially by 
inane TV shows that рш а pimple of a 
man up and tell us he is the new direc 
tion. If you were really paranoid, you'd 
think they did it on purpose. They 
picked the. stupidest men’s-movement 
guy they could find so that men wouldn't 
buy it. So that men would keep plugging 
away in their narrow litte niche in soci- 
ety; so that they wouldn't rock any boa 
or make any trouble. 

1 hope men make a lot of trouble, 1 just 
hope it isn't directed We 
wouldn't want blood 


El 


en 


gainst wor 
the streets. 


COLORS. A NEW WORLD FOR MEN. 


UNITED COLORS 
OF BENETTON. 


1-800-535-4491 BENETTON 
FOR INFORMATION BOUTIQUES 


MARSHALL FIELD'S 


DAYTON'S HUDSON'S 


George Strait 
loves his country 
music, leam roping, 
his dog, Buster, and 
ler Cowboy 
Cul jeans and shirts 
(bulnoinecessarly ` - 
order), 


int 


THE PLAYBOY ADVISOR 


Û just fell in love, and it's the worst feel- 
ing. l'm a junior in college and this is the 
first time ce years that I've felt this 
way about а woman. Her name is Sally 
she's a junior and she's very рори 
100 popular, actually. She has this habit of 
sleeping around with different guys but 
never longer than опе night with cach. A 
mutual f mroduced us at a frat p 
ty (she was surrounded by guys—mostly 
old boyfriends) and confided to me that 
he had spent a night with her. He de- 
scribed the sex as leverish and said she 
was like “an antelope on meth,” meaning 
she had long legs and moved very fast. 
Invigued, I started dating Sally and we 
had a genuinely good time. Then we had 
sex (I was surprised that she was respon- 
sible enough to have a supply of rub- 
bers). At one point, she crouched on all 
fours while I entered her from behind. As 
I held her smooth ass with my hands, she 
began moving up and down, then in 
circular motion, faster and faster, in ways 
Thad never ined, It was a mind-bl 
tering experience. And that was it. Гуе 
seen her plenty of times since then; she's 
always friendly but lets me know politely 
that she has moved on. I told her that I 
loved her, that she was the first thing I 
thought of in the morning and the last 
thing I thought of at night, and that al- 
though everyone else thought she was a 
slut, 1 didit. Her reply? It was a mean 
thing for me to say, I am just immature 
ind she doesn't think she could be se 
ous about me. Why is she behaving this 
way?—D. D., Boston, Massachusetts. 

Possibly because you are immature—fust, 
by being surprised that she was responsible 
about condoms and. second, by mentioning the 
5 word. Ws not so unusual for women (and 
men) to be more sexually adventurous when 
they're younger (we define younger as any- 
thing under 65). A prediction: The guy with 
whom she'll eventually have a steady relation- 
ship (and whom she'll possibly marry) will те- 
semble her—a love-em-and-leuve-em. type 
who decided to grow up and is looking for а 
friend and lover in the same body. Follow her 
example and focus on someone else. 


A friend of mine is getti 
has aske 


g married and 
me to be his best man. In this 
postmodern age, what are a best man's 
duties? —|. R., Chicago, Illinois. 
Basically, the best man is supposed to do ev- 
erytlung the groom can't do or ts too distracted 
to do. That includes arranging for the bache- 
lor dinner, if there is to be one. You've also in 
charge of the ushers at the wedding. Make 
sure they know what to do and are at the 
church well before the ceremony starts, You are 
to help the groom dress for the wedding and 
get him to the church on time. Make sure he 
has the marriage license. Also, have him give 


yon the check for the minister, place it in an 
envelope and give it to the minister after the 
service. You're alsa in charge of the bride's 
wedding ring. You're obliged to give the first 
toast lo the couple at the reception (short and. 
sweet is never wrong, the opposite sometimes 
is) Send а telegram m the groom's name to 
the bride's parents, thanking them for the fab- 
ulous wedding and their fabulous daughter. 
Make sure the newlyweds’ luggage is taken 
care of; their exit vehicle is ready and the ar- 
rangements for the honeymoon lodging are in 
order. Also, make sure the groom is reasonably 
sober until the moment of the wedding and, if 
he has cold feet, help him over the wall. 


The other night, I was making love to 
my hancée im the missionary position 
when I raised her legs and ankles high 
the ай. As 1 entered her, she let out a yelp 
and I had to stop. She said she had à 
tipped uterus and some positions were 
painful for her: Other than that, 
her doctors say there are no complica- 
tions with her condition, which is shared 
. T didn't want to press 
ils, because И was a sen- 
sitive subjeci—bur is this a serious prob- 
lem?—C. 1... New Orleans, Lc 

Plenty of women have tipped, or retrovert- 
ed, uteruses. The term merely refers to how the 
aderus sils in a woman's body. The only prob- 
lem associated with it is mild discomfort in 
some sexual positions. The pain varies from 
woman lo woman and sometimes disappears 
with sufficient arousal (her uterus and cervix 
can move quite a bit during sex and also 
throughout her menstrual cycle). While her 
cervix is insensitive, her ulerns is not, and 
neither are her ovaries. The thrusting of a pe- 
mis at certain angles may hit either organ. Try 
to avoid positions that cause your fiancée pain. 


she says 


ILLUSTRATION BY PATER SATO 


Bin about to buy а bomber style jacket 
made of pigskin. When 1 spoke to the 
salesman about cleaning and maint 

ing it, he became a bit evasive and didn’t 
give complete answers. Are there special 
procedures 1 have to follow to care for 


pigskin? Is it any different from regular 
leather? Can 1 have it dry-cleaned?— 
F. D., San Francisco, Californi: 


Pigskin can be cleaned by a special method 
used on most leathers and suedes (regular dry 
cleaning and leather cleaning employ different 
chemical processes). If your coat ts constructed 
from panels varying in texture and weight or 
from different animals, there is the possibility 
that some panels may fade more than others. 
And some manufacturers use a glue that may 
leave а dark residue after the leather is 
cleaned. Only an experienced leather crafts- 
man, nol a salesman, can evaluate stams and 
other irregularities to determine whether or 
nol they can be removed successfully. Pigskin, 
though growing in popularity, is not an ine 
pensive material, and clothing made from it is 
usually quite pricey. So if you're willing to take 
a chance, buy the jacket. At the worst, you 
could cut ий up and make а few high-priced 
foothalls. 


During the G 
watched the news in bed. One night, 
there was a story about a soldier writing a 
love lener to his wife. My girlfriend 
thought that w redibly romantic. Га 
like to write her a love letter, but the 
prospect of dusting off my pen and 
notepaper reminds me of the English- 
composition class that nearly kept me 
tre ig my college degree. Em also 
ET anything I write will sound 
Are there rules to writing a good 
love leuer?—C. R., Knoxville, Tennessee. 
Afler a great wechend with your girlfriend, 
pretend you're an intrepid reporter who was 
peeping in the windows. Describe in detail the 
favorite moments of your lovemaking, how 
much she turned you on, how your time to- 
gether sticks in your mind like peanut butter, 
(Humor sells better than sap. and romantic 
porn gets saved.) Make it short and sweet and 
at all costs avoid the immortally banal 71 love 
you with all my heart"—any smart woman 
will be skeptical. If you're adventurous, leave 
the letter on the windshield of her car or fax it 
lo her at work. If you don't think she'll go for 
an inslant replay, scrawl OVE YOU in Magic 
Marker on your stomach (or elsewhere, if 
there's roomy before your next romp. Still can't 
get your pen up? Remind her of the wise words 
of novelist Anatole France: “Lovers who love 
truly do uot write down their happiness.” 


White cteaning out my desk, 1 came 
several manila envelopes filled 
nd other paperwork 
Dol need to 


across 


45 


> 
© 


PLAYB 


46 


save all this junk? I don't want to lug 
around boxes full of paperwork for the 
rest of my life. Гуе got most of my num- 
bers in my computer, anyway—s. В. 
Boise. Idaho. 

As long as you're honest, there's a three-year 
statule of limitations from the day you filed. 
after which the IRS can't audit. But if you 
don't file, or if the IRS can prove you didn't 
report income exceeding 25 percent of what 
You did report, that rule goes out the window. 
(If six years have passed since you filed a pho- 
ny return, you can't be put in jail, but you can 
be taken to court to recover back taxes aud 
penalties.) Once that third anniversary ar- 
rives, don't just pitch entire folders of docu- 
ments, Hang on to records for assets you still 
own, such as real estate, stocks and your home 
and improvements youve made to it. You may 
also want to keep your veturns—somebody be- 
sides the IRS, such as a loan officer, may ask to 
look them over, Even if you file electronically 
or compute your taxes with a computer pro- 
gram, the IRS won't accept any rows or 
columns without paper backups. A friend who 
survived an audit said filing lus receipts and 
documents for each calegory of itemized ex- 
pense, deduction or credit saved him hours of 
bickering with the tax man. Play it safe. Rela- 
tively few laxpayers are audited—in 1990, 
only оте of 91 people who earned between 
550.000 aud 5100.000 were called in—but 
if you're one af them, that hardly matters. 


A boui a decade ago, the Advisor got sev- 
cial leucis about Jolin Dillingers mam- 
moth penis allegedly being preserved at 
the Smithsoni tion, and 
claimed that Dillinger was really 
an (you were kidding, right). Recently, a 
co-worker told me lunch. that 
Napoleon. died. 
penis 
it's in à museum in France, sl N 
shriveled but kept on display with other 
parts of his body. Is this on the up-and- 
up. or is it just another, ahem, phal- 
lusv¿—M. A., Grand Rapids, Michigan. 
Who brings ihis stuff up over lunch? 

Napoleons one-inch, 203-year-old penis was 
offered at auction m 1972 by Christie's, ac- 
cording to “The Book of Lists.” The organ, 
which “resembled a sea horse,” failed to receive 
the minimum bid. Supposedly, Napoleon's 
confessor-priest obtained the penis after the 
emperor's death in 1821, perhaps during the 
aulopsy. AL that procedure, attended by 17 
people, Bonaparte's head was shaved so locks 
of his hair could be given ont as mementos, his 
heart was placed in a silver vase for his widow 
and his stomach was dropped into a silver pep- 
per pot. A portion of his intestines ended up at 
London's Royal College of Surgeons but was 
destroyed т a 1940 air raid. Napoleon had 
crowned himself emperor because he insisted 
that na one else was worthy to do il. We 
wonder who felt worthy enough to whack off 
his pecker: 


souv 


The latest trend in ties is toward bold, 
colorful patterns. [ike the look and pur- 


chased a couple for myself. But, looking 
t them against my white shirts, I'm nor 
e they are a good match. I don't want 
10 replace all of my shirts, Any sugges- 
tions?—M. M., Seattle, Washington. 

We always buy shirts and ties at the same 
lime so that we know they will be compatible. 
When we get home, we mix and match with 
our existing wardrobe, m search of those hap- 
py fashion surprises hal make life worth 
while. According to the fashion police, solid 
colors are competing with the traditional white 
dress shirt. Gray is a popular color for the 
coming season, as aue olive green, berry and 
varying shades of blue. But white shirts are 
still the number-one seller. So don't think re- 
placement, think supplement. 


rageous— 
expensive cach y 
to reduce these costs? 
Help! I can't ny women in 
a Yugo.—RN. S., ‚ Missouri 

Beides the obvious ways ia save—having. 
no accidents or moving wolations—there ате 
things you can do. First, shop around. Some 
insurers ате definitely cheaper than others, If 
you're a former military officer, you're eligible 
lo insure with United Services Automobile As- 
sociation. U.S.A.A. frequently undercuts the 
major insurance firms in pricing, and it deliv- 
ers greal зеге. See whether your company 
(or club or organization of which youre а 
member) offers a special insurance program. 
Be sure to check whether your insurer de- 
mands a premium for your performance car 
Some companies dont. Consider switching if 
yours does. Insuring your home, car, boat and 
motoreyele with one company can save you 
Some firms offer safe-driver reduction; 
others offer discounts if your car is equipped 
with an alarm, an air bag and/or ABS brakes. 
Pay premiums in advance. Budget programs 
usually involve a finance charge. Unless you 
can't. gel coverage any other way, we don't 
generally recommend purchasing insurance 
through а car dealer, Even though it's conven- 
went, there's a markup. One prominent insur- 
ance agent сати the maximum deductible 
allowable to secure the lower premium on 
comprehensive and collision. coverage. He 
puts the savings into а money [und and main- 
tains a balance equal to the amount of the 
deductible. Accideut-five, he has realized sig- 
nificant savings. 


Are there w 


For the past cight months, Гуе been 
dating the same woman, We're both in 
our late 205, and our sex is comfortable, 
йс and incredible. We're both 
ns of oral sex, and Гуе been going 
down on her to my hearts content. Late- 
ly, Гуе noticed Huctuation in the taste, 
flow and thickness of her vaginal lubrica 
tion. What's going on here? Does it have 
to do with her period. her mood, my 
tongue?—N. C., New York, New York 
Yes, her vaginal secretions ave affected by 
her menstrual cycle. Varying levels of two hor- 
mones (estrogen and progesterone) influence 


the characteristics of cervical mucus—a rather 
thick fluid—before and after ozulution. Whe 
she’s at her most fertile, her estrogen level 
soars, promoting the output of enough of this 
sticky stuff to provide a hospitable environ- 
ment for sperm as well as to lubricate the walls 
of her vagina. After the egg is released and es- 
trogen and progesterone production drops off, 
the vagina becomes increasingly drier—thal 
is, until menstruation, when all hell breaks 
loose. 

But the lubricant you. probably enjoy the 
том is a liquid secreted by the vaginal walls 
during arousal in a process called sweating. 
(Bartholin’s glands, once considered the 
source of this fluid, are now thought to be re- 
sponsible for a mere few drops.) The bottom 
eat it, 


Ime? Let her sweat—and don? s 


I traveled. the Southwest 
but T wound up 
ing home with six. Do you know 
rcumvent the two-ehecked-bags- 
for-lree limit on airline flightsz—D. S.. 
Boston. Massachusetts. 

Are you asking us lo be your accomplice in 
ап activity that violates the fine print on a 
ticket issued by a commercial deregulated air 
carrier? Let's do il. Here are a few: Check two 
bags with the curbside attendant, then put 
those stubs into your pocket and check two 
more bags at the counter. Or simply bribe а 
skycap to handle all of your bags (these spirits 
of free enterprise have been known to get 
around the red tape if motivated). Tactic three: 
Buy two tickets, check baggage ou both, then 
Turn in the second ticket far a refund. 


with just two b 


ways to € 


Wien receiving a blow job, is it polite 


to give the person some warning when 
you are about to come?—R. J., Riverside, 
Illinois. 


This strikes us as am issue that would come 
up only the first time you become intimate. 
Let's assume that the woman has initiated fel- 
datio and that she feels comfortable with the act 
and displays competence. Hold that thought. 
You should ask yourself, Does she intend this 
as foreplay or is t а self-contained sexual act? 
If she ignores your trying gently to coax her to 
intercourse (if that is what you want), you can 
safely assume she is goal-oriented. In which 
cast, she will know what's coming and to make 
au announcement about it may simply be con- 
sidered bragging. 


АШ reasonable questions—fiom fashion. 
food and drink, Mereq and sports cars to dating 
problems, laste and etiquette—will be person- 
ally answered if the writer includes a stamped, 
Faddressed envelope. Send all letters to 
The Playboy Advisor, Playboy. 680 North 
Lake Shore Drive, Chicago, Hlinois 60611 
The most provocative, pertinent queries 
will be presented on these pages each month. 


Dial The Playboy Hotline today; get closer 
to the Playmates as they reveal secrets about 
dating and women! Call 1-900-740-3311; 
only three dollars per minute 


El 


1001 14 PITA “00 Y о/а үд O PAON SO 


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THE PLAYBOY FORUM 


the new supreme court's war on freedom 


Let's start with a small story: Las 
summer, I received notice from aoc 
court that I had ignored a traffic tick- 
et and that, consequently, the fine was 
doubled. The only problem with this 
was that I had never received the first 
ticket. I went to court to find out what 
had happened. 

Thad apparently crossed paths with 
a police officer akin to the Los Ange- 
les cop who signed off with the memo- 
rable ditty “They give me a stick, they 
give me a gun, they pay me fifty Gs to 
have some fun.” 

When I saw the officer in court, I 
remembered a day 
when a voice from 
a squad car had 
asked me to move 
on. (1 was waiting 
for a parking spot 
to open up in front 
of a wind-surfing 


shop.) 1 went 
around the block 
and tried again 


The cruiser pulled 
up and, rather than 
go through the ter- 
ritorial thing again, 
I moved off. The 
officer had written 
a ticket for double 
parking and then 
tossed it, knowing 
either 
$25 or a day's wag- 
ез. Street justice in 


When I told this anecdote to a 
friend, I described the officer as ап 
Erik Estrada look-alike, a gym jockey 
wearing pants so tight you could эсс 
the testicular atrophy caused by 
steroid consumption. The friend, a 
politically savvy urban survivor from 
downtown Chicago, said, "Hey, these 
guys have to deal with the scum of the 
earth. Give them their little attempts 
at self-assertion." 

I argued that in my suburb, the 
quality of the scum of the earth was a 
lide bit higher than in downtown 
Chicago. Sure, in totalitarian states, 
maybe everyone is scum in the eyes 


of the police. But I wanted a police 
department that treated scum like, 
well, American citizens. 

God, will I miss Thurgood Mar- 
shall. As an NAACP lawyer, Marshall 
fought for the liberty ofan entire class 
of citizens. As a Justice, he champi- 
oned individual rights for all Ameri- 
cans. He was sensitive to lynch-mob 
mentality. His last act as a Justice was 
a perfectly targeted dissent from the 
direction taken by Chief Justice Wil- 
liam H. Rehnquist's Court. “Power,” 
wrote Marshall, "not reason, is the cur- 
rency of this Court's decision making." 


Here's an example. In Arizona vs. 
Fulminante, Oreste Fulminante, whose 
stepdaughter had been murdered, 
was coerced by the FBI into incrim- 
inating himself in the murder. In rul- 
ing on the case, the Court voted 
1 to excuse coerced confessions as 
“harmless error” if other evidence ex- 
ists to convict the defendant. That 
means that if Dirty Harry accidentally 
steps on your genitals or gets some 
"monkey-slapping" time with his ba- 
ton—and his buddies doing honest 
police work find real evidence—then 
his misconduct should be excused. 
Throughout his career on the bench, 


Rehnquist has argued that if the scum 
of the earth are as guilty as sin, there 
is no rational point in punishing the 
prosecution for overzealous and ex- 
tralegal behavior. 

Rehnquist first voiced the idea that 
excess be excused as harmless error 
nearly 40 years ago, when he clerked 
for Justice Robert H. Jackson. It was 
rejected out of hand. He tried again 
in various dissents throughout the 
Nixon years. He finally got his way in 
а Court stocked by Reagan and Bush. 

In his last session on the Court, 
Marshall lit many candles to mourn 
diminished liber- 
ties. In Florida vs. 
Bostick, he dissent- 
ed when the Court 
supported the right 
of police to board 
buses and conduct 
on-the-spot war- 
rantless search 
and interrogations 
without reason to 
believe the pas- 
sengers have com- 
mited a crime. Of 
course, in that case, 
say conservatives, 
the defendant was 
as guily as sin. 
He allowed. police 
to look through 
his bags and they 
found one pound 
of cocaine. Stu- 
pidity is its own 
punishment, Don't burden the police 
with the exclusionary rule when they 
catch one of the bad guys. 

In Florida vs. Bostick, Justice Sandra 
Day O'Connor, who hasn't been on a 
bus in decades, wrote the majority 
opinion. She may as well have been 
Rehnquist’s secretary taking dicta- 
tion. She/he sniffed, "So long as a rea- 
sonable person would feel free to 
disregard the police and go about his 
business . . . the encounter is consen- 
sual and no reasonable suspicion is re- 
quired.” If members of the Gestapo 
board your bus or train, you have the 
right to deliver them a lecture on your 


49 


50 


and charged upstairs 
to her apartment. 
When she demand- 
ed to see a search 
warrant, the police 
waved a worthless 
piece of paper at her. 
Dollree snatched the 
paper and stashed it 
in her turtleneck 
sweater. The three 
policemen tackled 
her, handcuffed her 
and rummaged un- 
der her clothing to 
retrieve what they 


rights. Try it sometime, asshole. 

What people like retired Justices 
William J. Brennan and Marshall 
brought to the Supreme Court was a 
healthy respect for the rights of the 
other passengers on the bus. 

What is now likely to happen when 
a citizen asserts his or her constitu- 
tional rights? To see how limited our 
rights have become, we have to look 
back only 35 years Laurence H 
Tribe, professor of constitutional law 
at Harvard, describes the following: 
"Dollree Mapp was a middle-class 
homeowner who rented out the first 
floor of her house to help make a li 
ing for herself. One May afternoon in 
1957, the police arrived at her door 
and demanded to be let in. They said 
they were looking for a man who was 
wanted for questioning about a bomb- 
ing. Miss Mapp called her attorney 
and then asked to see the search war- 
rant. When the officers replied that 
they did not have one, she forbade 
them to enter her home and sent 
them away. Three hours later, the po- 
lice, still without a warrant, broke 
down the door to Miss Mapp's house 


lom WEE. oh ae 


falsely claimed to be 
a warrant. The officers then proceed- 
ed to tear up the place looking for 
anything they could find. In Miss 
Mapp's bedroom, the police found 
some books and pictures they consid- 
ered obscene. Mapp testified 
that she was merely storing 
the items and other personal 
articles for a former tenant 
who had moved without leav- 
ing a forwarding address. 
Despite that fact and the ille- 
gal and outrageous nature of 
the police invasion of her 
home, Miss Mapp was sen- 
tenced to one to seven years 
in prison on an obscenity 
charge." The 1961 Supreme 
Court overturned that con- 
viction. The Supreme Court 
of 1991 is setting precedents that 
would excuse the officers’ conduct, if 
not actively encourage it. 

Our nation and legal system have 
always been devoted to the principle 
that you are innocent until proven 
guilty: Better for one guilty man to go 
free than for an innocent party to be 
subjected to police enthusiasm (or 
simply brutality). 


The media response to the Rehn- 
quist Court has been to almost glee- 
fully embrace certain notions: that the 
swing to the right is inevitable (as 
though the Constitution were the 
prisoner in The Pit and the Pendulum), 
that liberals are complaining only be- 
cause now it's their ox that is being 
gored, their sacred cow being slaugh- 
tered. The confirmation hearings for 
Clarence Thomas will discuss rights 
and issues, but what has really 
changed is the role of the Court. 

Traditionally, the Constitution set 
the limits and the Court blew the 
whistle when players ran afoul of the 
law. Now the Justices have walked off 
the playing field. The Court is less a 
referee (any evidence gained by vio- 
lating the Constitution will be exclud- 
ed) and more a cheerleader (or flack) 
for the boys in blue. 


What does that mean? Here in 
Chicago, we have a police chief who, 
upon returning from a visit to Com- 
munist China, said there was a lot to 
appreciate totalitarian regimes. 
Hitler, he opined, had a good record 
on law enforcement. The Constitu- 
tion created too many individual 
rights, engendered too much concern 
for the rights of the criminal. The 
result, he said, is that “we're 
living in an armed camp. 

This is a top cop who brags 
about his forces being "the 
toughest gang in town." When 
he proposed a robust stop- 
and-frisk program, he boasted 
that the tough new measure 
would anger the A.C.L.U. but 
that it would be “six months 
before they get me into court." 

Now he doesn't even have 
10 worry about that. Justice 
Rehnquist has his own lit- 
lle sign-off ditty: “They give 
me a clerk, they give me a 
robe, they stock the Court, 
I'm а libertyphobe." 


FEIFFER copyright 1991 Jules Feier. Reprinted with permission ol Universal Press Syndicate. AU rights reserved 


—JAMESR. PETERSEN 


Reprinted by permission of NEA, Inc 


М E W 


S Е К 


O т 


what's happening in the sexual and social arenas 


CRUISE CONTROL 


PORTLAND, OREGON— Beware the latest 
thing in cruise control: Vice squads seize 
the cars of men who patronize prostitutes. 
Once an undercover female police officer 


seem 


we 


gets an offer of money for sex, the John is 
charged and has car is towed. First-time of- 
Jenders usually get their cars back after 
they pay towing and storage charges and 
the cost of the decoy operation, Repeat of- 
fenders lose their cars. In the first six 
months of 1991, the city nabbed 207 vehi- 
cles, including a tractor-trailer loaded with 
candy bars 


TEST THYSELF 


LOS ANGELES—A former L.A. County 
sheriff's-department sergeant was convict- 
ed of gross vehicular manslaughter after 
crashing into a disabled car while driving 
with a blood-alcohol level of .23 percent— 
almost three times the legal limit. The fatal 
crash occurred after the oficer left a 
restaurant where he had been celebrating 
his transfer to the department's new drug- 
testing program. 


PROBLEM? WHAT PROBLEM? 


TORRANCE, CALIFORNIA—A gynecologist 
will go before the state medical board be- 
cause a patient complained that his mas- 
sage treatment of an ovarian cyst was too 
stimulating sexually. The woman told state 
investigators that she became embarrassed 


after she experienced an orgasm during 
the fifth treatment. After another orgasm 
during her next session, she filed a com- 


plaint. 


NO FATAL ATTRACTION 


Los aNGELES— Under a new California 
law, the victims of severe, ongoing harass- 
ment from former spouses, boyfriends, girl- 
friends or anyone else can have them 
charged with a crime called felony stalk- 
ing. While it’s difficult either to enforce a 
restraining order or to catch the culprit in 
the act, documented harassment now can 
put а convicted stalker in the slammer for 
up to three years. 


THE WAR ON COMPASSION 


WASHINGTON, D.C—Several public-in- 
teresi groups have spent years in court 
attempting to protect the medicinal use of 
pot. To no avail, it seems: In a Machiavel- 
lian move, Public Health Service chief 
James O. Mason simply eliminated a pro- 
gram that permitted a small number of 
people to legally obtain marijuana for 
treatment of glaucoma and the side effects 
of chemotherapy. The 34 existing patients 
will continue to get their pot. But the Pub- 
lic Health Service, concerned that the 
Government's participation created “a per- 
ception that this stuff can't be so bad,” felt 
that any more patients would be at odds 
with the Administration's war on drugs. 


| LOVE NEW YORK 


ALBANY—New York State, which has on 
occasion debated raising money by selling 
assault rifles seized in drug raids, has gone 
into business as a рото purveyor. State 
revenuers hope to offset some of their budg- 
et deficit with the proceeds from the auc- 
tion of а video dealer's 1400 adult videos 
(they were confiscated in lieu of back tax- 
es). J. Alan Davitt, executive director of the 
New York State Catholic Conference, 
didn't approve and compared the state's 
action to selling dope. 


PAYING TO PLAY 


WASHINGTON, D.C—How much would 
you pay for u condom? In a world-wide 
survey, the privately funded Population 
Crisis Committee found dozens of places 
where the price of birth-control pills or con- 


doms represents a major expense—in some 
developing countries as much as 25 per- 
cent of the average annual income. 


GUERRILLA ABORTIONISTS 


SAN FRANCISCO—Women’s health cen- 
lers report an increasing number of re- 
quests from individuals and feminist 
groups for training and equipment that 
would permit home abortions in the event 
that the procedure is outlawed. According 
to the Federation of Feminist Women's 
Health Centers, which has four clinics in 
California, most women in the pro-choice 
movement fully expect the Supreme Court 
to eventually overturn “Roe vs. Wade," the 
1973 decision that legalized abortion. 


SEX ED 101 


SACRAMENTO—A three-judge appellate 
panel agreed two to one that licking a 
man's scrotum is a form of oral copulation 
prohibited under Section ?8би uf the Cali- 
fornia Penal Code. The panel then scolded 
the state legislature for being so squeamish 
and euphemistic in describing what consti- 
tutes sex organs and what should or should 
not be done with them. In concluding that 


the scrotum was part of the total package, 
Justice Arthur J. Scotland wrote, “As a 
matter of common sense, a penis without. 
the testes and scrotum is like a flintlock 
rifle without a flint and flash powder or a 
bow without а string and arrow.” 


51 


Е R 


THE WAR ON NUDITY: 
ROLL CALL 

I'm writing im response to 
"The War on ity, Part One: 
The Great Pinup Controversy" 
(The Playboy Forum, July). 1 be- 
lieve Lois Robinson could have 
solved her problem with the 
offensive posters cheaper and 
faster. All she needed to do was 
hang up a few male centerfolds 
My bet is that her foreman and 
male co-workers would quickly 
have decided that nude posters 
of either sex don't belong in the 
workplace. 


Sharon Edwards 
Fresno, California 


I'm a 27-year-old woman who 
works as a ship fitter at а yard 
where Navy cruisers and de- 


To the Justices of the Su- 
preme Court: I believe you have 
painfully disappointed millions 
of Americans who refuse to be 
inhibited by this culture's re- 
pressive responses to nudity, ev- 
ident in your broad and reckless 
comments in the nude-dancing 
decision ("The War оп Nudity, 
Part Two: The Supreme Court 
Considers the Art of Striptease,” 
The Playboy Forum, July). Your 
words reflect the Victorian dis- 
comfort of those Americans 
programed for generations to 
identify parts of the whole per- 
son as forbidden. More impor- 
tantly, your words contradict 
the ground swell of quietly 
changing attitudes toward the 
body. This evolution is difficult 
in a culture that teaches us not 


stroyers are built. Regarding 
"The Great Pinup Controver- 
зу” you probably think I'm re- 
plying to let you know that I, 
too, have been "visually assault- 
ed” by the boys’ pinups, calen- 
dars and posters. The fact is 
that because of Lois Robinson's 
"victory" concerning the sexual- 
harassment laws, 1 have had to remove 
photographs, magazine cutouts and 
pinups from my locker and inside cover 
of my toolbox. Although my taste is 
quite different from the average Joe's. 
the guys always got a kick out of my 
beefcake shots. Now, thanks to Robin- 
son, my company has adopted a blan- 
ket penalty of a five-day suspension 
(unpaid) for any employee in posses- 
sion of such material! So it looks like 
we've all been neutered and chintzed! 
Lauri A. Lofius (spayed ship fitter) 
Boothbay Harbor, Maine 


Your article on the pinup controversy 
prompts me to ask Robinson what gave 
her the desire to bite the hand that 
feeds her. In these days of high unem- 
ployment, surely there are plenty of 
qualified welders who would take her 
job regardless of decor and attitudes of 
co-workers. Robinson has ignored a 
major fact of life: Morality is an opin- 
ion, and everyone has a right to his 
own. The minute she decided her opi 
ion took priority, she interfered with 
the rights of others. If those pinups 
bothered her that much, she should 


"Throw the switch and watch them twitch.” 
—COMMENT MADE BY DEMOCRATIC SENATOR DANIEL 
PATRICK MOYNIHAN, RIDICULING A BILL MANDAT- 
ING THE DEATH PENALTY FOR 51 FEDERAL CRIMES. 


‘THE BILL WAS LATER APPROVED BY THE SENATE. 


have chosen another place of employ- 
ment. Why should the rest of us go out 
of our way to please her? 
(Name withheld by request) 
Las Vegas, Nevada 


I've been thinking about your article 
"The Great Pinup Controversy." It is 
time that we men started working to- 
gether to fight censorship and for our 
rights. Toward that end, I would like to 
know more about Article 19 and how I 
can join. I will be a lifetime reader of 
Playboy. Keep up the good work. 

Chris Budberg 
Westbank, British Columbia 

Article 19 is a human-rights group work- 
ing lo identify and oppose censorship world- 
uide. The group is based on Article 19 of the. 
United Nations! Universal. Declaration of 
Human Rights, which states, "Everyone has 
the right to freedom of opinion and expres- 
sion; this right includes freedom to hold 
opinions without interference, and lo seek, 
receive апа impart information and ideas 
through any media regardless of frontiers.” 
Membership applications are available 
through Article 19, International Centre on 
Censorship, 90 Borough High Street, Lon- 
don SEI ILL, England. 


to like the body with which we 
were born. And American mar- 
keting's disproportionate focus 
on the “forbidden parts” only 
serves to further dehumanize 
the body as a whole. Your mis- 
guided insistence on pasties 
and C strings focuses more at- 
tention on that which is hidden, 
ignoring the multicultural, ethnic and 
religious taboos that would ultimately 
cover us from head to toe. In the fu- 
ture, avoid the controversy of which 
body parts are taboo by concentrating 
on the parts of the body that are really 
making the trouble: the mouths that 
tell the lies, the ears that vill not hear 
the truth and the eyes that see only 
what they choose. 
T. A. Wyner 
Loxahatchee, Florida 
(An activist for nudist rights, Wyner was 
arrested for protesting at a Florida beach 
covered only with а copy of the Bill of 


Rights.) 


SOUNDING THE ALARM 

If the current conservative swing in 
Washington does not alarm you, it 
should. Doesn't it strike you as ironic 
that most of the issues rousing funda- 
mentalist extremists are in some way 
related to sex? Where do they find 
the time to spend on it? Most of us 
have jobs to perform and children to 
raise (as it is, that doesn't leave a lot 
of time for sex). Our Presidents are 
elected on short-term issues, but our 
children will spend years suffering 
under the present Supreme Court. The 


RES 


United States of America was not 
founded on politically correct princi- 
ples. Let's honor our founding fathers 
by examining what we the people do to 
ourselves and leave as our legacy. 
Friends of the Illuminati 
ia Chapter 
Charlottesville, Virginia 


THE FAR RIGHT 
Using their habitually twisted logic, 
abortion protesters have hit а new 
low in the war on reproductive choice. 
The pro-lifers have decided that pro- 
tests and public harassment are not 
enough—they are naming names. At a 
clinic outside Detroit, protesters car- 
ried signs bearing the names of two 
women scheduled to have abortions. A 
spokesman for the protesters said the 
tactic was their way of getting the wom- 
en to "come and talk, so we can offer 
them help.” If this is the far rights idea 
of compassion, we have really underes- 
timated the extent of their insanity! 
Bob Jones 
Detroit, Michigan 
И comes us no surprise to us. Abortion op- 
ponents do not recognize the right of privacy 
or aulonomy in its most basic form—the 
right of a woman to control her body. Why 
would they respect privacy in any of its other 
Jorms—in this case, the right to keep your 
most intimate medical details out of the pub- 
lic forum? The people who crusade for the 
sanctity of human life are blinded by their 
own beliefs and are unable to see the gross 
violations they inflict on women who are al- 
ready faced with difficult decisions. For them 
lo justify “outing” as a means of drawing 
these women imlo thew ranks is ridiculous. 


BLOCKBUSTER 

1 appreciated Kerry Simpson's letter 
(“Reader Response," The Playboy Forum, 
July) about Blockbuster Video's NC-17 
policy. It's nice to know that I'm not the 
only one who's morally outraged by the 
consequences of Donald Wildmon's 
thought police. Just as Simpson did, 
anyone who's a member of Blockbuster 
should cut up his card and mail it to the 
company's headquarters along with a 
note saying why he is returning his 
card. Even if you're not a member, it 
would be a good idea for you to write to 
the company. If enough people do this, 
maybe Blockbuster will get the idea that 
its censormongering policies aren't as 

safe as it would like to think. 

Allen Turner 
Sacramento, California 


THE WAR ON 
NUDITY, CONTINUED 


By MARJORIE HEINS 


In the cose of Barnes vs. Glen Theater, 
the Supreme Court has ruled that while 
nude dancing is protected by the First 
Amendment, states could demand that 
dancers wear pasties ond © strings in 
the interest af "protecting order and 
morality.” Chief Justice William Rehn- 
quist, in his brief plurality opinion, did 
not address whether that interest wauld 
allow states to demand the same attire 
for productions of the opera Salome 
or the nudity often incarporated into 
stagings of Terrence McNally's Frankie 
and Jahnny in the Clair de Lune, or 
even Shokespeare's Midsummer Night's 
Dreom. 

Hos the Supreme Court, then, follen 
prey to ortistic elitism? Will it give nude 
dancing, whose messuge the Cour! uc- 
knowledges to be “eroticism and sexu- 
ality,” greater constitutional protection 
when don: the service of “serious” 
art thon when offered os entertainment 
at Glen Theater's Kitty Kat Lounge? 

Justice Byran White, in a dissenting 
opinion (ond specking for Justices 
Stevens, Blackmun and Marshall), thinks 
so. He wrote: “That the performances in 
the Kitty Kat Lounge may not be high 
art, to soy the least, ond may not appeal 
to the Court is hardly an excuse for dis- 
torting and ignoring" settled principles 
of constitutianal law. Justice White re- 
iterated on important First Amendment 
truism that because judgments about 
what makes good ar bod ort are highly 
subjective, constitutional protection of 
free speech cannot turn on evalvotions 
of artistic quality. Particularly not when 
those judgments are made by Govern- 
ment afficials— including judges. 

White was right on the money when 
he pointed ta the intellectual dishonesty 
and elitism of the Supreme Court's de- 
cisi this case. But I'm afraid he may 
have been overly optimistic in thinking 
that the decision’s impact will be limited 
to “low” ort. Last year's prosecution af 
Dennis Borrie for his exhibition ofthe jar- 
ring Rabert Mapplethorpe phatographs 
was a chilling reminder af the frogility of 
our constitutional rights ta reod, view 


and create оз we please. If the public 
interest in “order and morality” justifies 
Government cantrol of certain types af 
artistic expression, overly zealous public 
servants, like those in the Barrie cose, 
are unlikely to confine their compaigns 
to simply censoring exotic dancing. 

For example, as the directar of the 
A.C.L.U.s Arts Censorship Project, I've 
seen on alarming trend arcund the 
country ta suppress simple nudity in art. 

Last June, a public high schoal princi- 
pol in New Britain, Connecticut, banned 
three nudes from a student ort show. 
The works were tasteful rather thon titil 
lating; in other words, they were classi 
nudes ond, os such, part of a long artis- 
tic tradition. 

їп Januar y 1990, udıninistrutuns of u 
Maryland state college took the same 
action in a compus artexhibition. Also in 
Maryland, organizers of a mall art show 
announced that nudes would not be 
considered for inclusion in the exhibi 

In the past twa years, North Coralina 
municipalities hove banned the produc- 
tian of Ohl Calcuttal and demanded the 
excisian af nudity from the opening 
scene of a praductian of Frankie and 
Johnny in the Clair de Lune. 

These ore not examples of obscenity 
or pornography. They are merely exam- 
ples af the unclothed human body. It is 
unfortunate thet this sort of puritan 
mentality is not limited ta а few school 
administrators ar lacal police chiefs 
but is becoming increosingly evident 
throughout the country. As the Barnes 
decision makes clear, the High Court 
(the usual last resort for decisions un- 
tainted by sectarian concerns) has be- 
come infected, os well. The noisy 
campaigns against “immorality” in the 
arts and entertainment by the likes of 
the Reverend Danald Wildmon and Sen- 
atar Jesse Helms, os well аз other lesser 
known crusaders, require continuing, 
vigorous ond articulate response from 
everyone who believes in freedom of 
speech. This is especially true now, since 
the Supreme Court can na langer be 
counted on in this Бане. 


53 


we expected a cat fight, we got chaos and confusion. our man in new york tells what 
happens when feminists confront the oldest profession 


In room 637 at the New York Hilton, 
ten or so prostitutes and porn-flick glit- 
terati (Veronica Vera, Annie Sprinkle 
and Nina Hartley, among them) cau- 
cused with several women who write 
about sex to frame a draft resolution 
on pornography. This was Friday, July 
fifth, 1991. That morning, NOW—oth- 
erwise known as 
the Sisterhood of 
Enforced Folitical Cor- 
rectness—had con- 
vened its national 
conference. This year's 
convention found hun- 
dreds of card-carrying 
feminists descending 
on Manhattan to ham- 
mer out the Agenda 
yet again. What took 
place in room 637, 
though less revolu- 
tionary than, say, 
gall-bladder removal 
through the navel, һай 
considerable signifi- 
cance, nonetheless. 
As "sexworkers" the 
women of 637 felt they 
were due a legitimate 
and honorable lobby 
at NOW—one they'd 
never been granted. 
Not surprisingly, they 
felt that the NOW atti- 
tude toward porn was 
judgmental, archaic, 
vague and gencrally 
bad for business. 

Miki Demarest, 
publisher of the San 
Francisco Spectator, is а 
particle accelerator, a 
plasma torch: More than anyone else, 
she has organized and stage-managed 
the movement to include sexuality in 
NOW, because she feels that the issue in 
general and porn in particular have 
been polarizing the organization. "It is 
inappropriate . . . to force people to 
deny their sexuality,” said Demarest. 


By D. KEITH MANO 


“There were some really committed 
active lesbian feminists who were told 
they were nor real feminists because 
they practiced S/M." They left and 
went to "groups that don't dictate 
morality to such an extent." 

The fringe elements of the feminist 
movement—those overall-dad, bull- 


horn-toting storm sisters—have for 
years shouted their position: Porn de- 
means women and is a prime exciter of 
sexual violence in brutish men. But 
NOW has never formally articulated 
any such position on the national level. 
In fact, the issue of freedom of sexual 
expression has split NOW тоге 


efficiently than any other because it’s 
not a First Amendment issue for the or- 
ganization but an emotional one. The 
Mexican standoff on porn may be 
charted like so: Downtrodden women 
demand freedom of speech and sexual 
orientation, which implies freedom to 
create and read porn, which implies en- 
couragement of a dis- 
dainful and dangerous 
male patriarchal at- 
mosphere in the na- 
tion, which implies 
even more downtrod- 
den women, which is a 
moral and intellectual 
Móbius' strip. 

The 637 resolution 
didn't sound inflam- 
matory: It wasn’t "Sex- 
working women of the 
world, unite." It was as 
bland as your worst 
ulcer diet and went on 
and on about a "spirit 
of camaraderie, in rec- 
ognition of a common 
patriarchal enemy." 
(Guess who that is, Mr. 
Macho.) It called—so 
what's new?—for ex- 
tensive hearings and 
a National Task Force 
on Sexwork, which 
would supersede the 
current National 
Committee on Por- 
nography— useful de- 
flection of emphasis 
from theory to prac- 
tice. Most important, 
given the Pornogra- 
phy Victims Compen- 
sation Act before Congress in April 
1991, it would require that NOW 
not endorse legislation or articulate a 
mational position until some "cohe- 
sive" policy could be thought ош. 
Nowhere did it allude to the highly 
problematic relationship between vio- 
lence and porn. 


сс — — WENN] 


A hearing on the 637 resolution was 
held late Friday afternoon before about 
150 NOW members. It passed with max 
headroom. The next step would be a 
plenary session on Sunday. The sex ac- 
tivists were both ju- 


that currently links cigarette smoking 
with lung cancer." Boo, hiss from his 
opposition. Embarrassment from his ad- 
herents. THE SURGEON GENERAL HAS DETER- 
MINEDTHAT PORN MAY IMPAIR YOURCIVILITY. 


and mutual respect) and there is porn, 
an evil (in which women are hurt, spo- 
ken ill of or "objectified"). Brannon 
calls the latter "eroto-misogyny" But 
you'd need at least one full-time Jesuit 

casuist to sort out 


bilant and cautious. 
These are bright 
women who tend to 
be a bit, well, saucy. 
They relish con- | 
frontation. They | 
arent what youd | 
call reticent. To 
quote Nina Hartley, 
"What turns you on 
is what turns you 
on, and thar's just 
the way it is... . You 
have a right to pro- 
cure and produce 
images of whatever 
gets your nut off, 
whatever gives you 
a weton" These 
women enjoy their 
work: By God, it can 
even empower them. 
And they dismiss 
out of hand the 
feminist canard that. 
many porn models 
are coerced ala poor 
Linda Lovelace. 

By Saturday after- 
noon, though, reali- 
ty had set in like 
month-old krep- 
lach. Big Sister was 
watching again. In a 
scheduled 75-min- 
ute panel on porn 
and violence, so- 
cial scientist Robert 
Brannon went from 
mere political cyni- 
cism to full-blown 
absurdity. After re- 
counting опе or two 
tendentious clinical 
studi Brannon 
said, “The kind of 
man thatmightcom- 
mit rape might very 
well be the kind that 
would enjoy violent 
pornography but 
that doesn't mean 
that pornography 
had anything di- 
rectly to do with his 
actions." Righton. Butthen, inan epiph- 
any of demagogic enthusiasm, Bran- 
non came out with this bogus datum: 
Evidence that porn and violence are re- 
lated "looks stronger than the evidence. 


ڪڪ 


THE 637 
RESOLUTION 


‚ WHEREAS controlling, crimi- 
nalizing and SERDE women’s 


good and bad. Is the. 
missionary position 
sexist? When might 
that tender hug be- 
come a restraint? 

Late Saturday 
afternoon, to top 
off a scintillating 
day I was hand- 
ed the (unofficial) 
List of Lust for 
the Politically Cor- 
rect—Progressive 
Pornography on 
Video. Yes, a roster 
of 62 raunch reels 
that will not offend 
your activist part- 
пет. Among these 
are Suburban Dykes 
and Female Aggres- 
sors, both obviously 
P.C.-rated—new 
and even more dis- 
heartening exam- 
ples of safe sex. 

All this goose- 
step conformism 
might just be laugh- 
able if it weren't 
so misleading and 
destructive. Truths 
are never politically 
correct. In fact, 
porn—rather than 
being an agent pro- 
vocateur of violence 
against women— 
may well be their 
silent bodyguard. 
Empathize, if you 
will, with those men 
who are unattrac- 
tive, poor, inept and 
not likely to win a 
sexual companion. 
Their fury, if har- 
nessed, could light 
Seattle. I reckon 
this: Without the es- 
cape valve that porn 
and masturbation 
provide, many more 
thousands of wom- 


Unless it's erotica, you understand. In 
1978 or so, Gloria Steinem proposed 
this distinction: There is healthy sexu- 
ality (erotica, in which couples disport 
with New Age gender consciousness 


en would be violat- 
ed and brought to trauma. But 
Brannon et al. aren't testing for that 
variable, which might suppose an un- 
comfortable hypothesis: that porn 
could be beneficial to the culture in 


general and to women in particular. 

Porn, after all, isn't an artifact, 
book, video or performance. Porn is 
an instinct. It occurs normally in the 
mind (male and female). We visualize 
and project: We concoct a hictional ac- 
count of our desire. This ineluctable 
genius for fantasy—and not much 
else—distinguishes human lust from 
the animal kind. The fact that fantasy 
may be written down or filmed is a 
mere matter of commercial conven- 
ience. Remember how Jesus put it: 
“Whosoever looketh on a woman to 


lust after her hath committed. adul- 
tery with her already in his heart." He 
said that because he knew human na- 
ture—not because Debbie Does Jerusa- 
lem was playing at the Temple Quad. 

By Sunday, it looked like a 50-50 
proposition. "Pornography and Sex- 
work," the formal title of the room 
637 resolution, w. ind on a 53-res- 
olution agenda: not terrible positic 
ing—above “Impeach the Rehnquist 


Five" and American Psycho. But no 
one had counted on the exquisite in- 
competence of Patricia Ireland. This 


woman (who will be NOW president 
in December) couldn't act as chairper- 
son for a monolog, By two Pat, ee of 
53 resolutions had been considered 
My vision was glazing over, the way 
you stare at bathroom tle just before 
throwing up. La nausée, Sartre called 
it. “Pornography and Sexwork" never 
reached the floor. But it’s on record 
now, and Miki Demarest, for one, 
won't quit. The next national confer- 
ence may end with a bang. not a 
whimper. Which must be some sort of 
sexist remark. I think 


MS HTC LIST E UST 


porn for the politically correct 


Amaada by Night 1981 ^ Cabollera laterracial Sex: 
Ball Game 1980 Caballero The Video 1987 MFM 
Behiad Closed Deers 1990 Vivid Jack “ef Jill 1979 — Video-X-Pix 
REGE 1983 Caballero Jack ‘ef ЛИ 2 1984 vca 
Black en White 1972 IVP or CVX Let My Puppets Ceme 1983 Caballero 
Blue Magic 1981 Video-X-Pix Les Got Physical 1983 Caballero 
Bedy Talk 1983 vex МН Honor 1987 Tomarack 
Café Flash 1982 УСА Nightdreams 1981 Caballero 
Charli 1981 vex Nina: Just for You 1989 Bon Vue 
Cheeks 2: The Bitter End 1989 Coast- Nothlag te Hide 1981 Cal Vista 
Christine's Secret 1985 voe Ен eee ae 
Rear Action Girls It 1985 Lipstik 
Sanan p Sue Ritos of Passlen 1987 Famina 
The Crack ef Dawn 1991 Trans-Global AAA O УЫ 
Debble Dux Dishes 1986 АУС 
т en Sensual Escape 1988 Femme 
Yeung Girls 1977 Caballera The Seven Seductions 
The Devil ia Miss Jenes 1972 vex ef Madame Lau 1980 Caballero 
The Devil la Miss Jones 21983 УСА gex Semas a 
Doing № 1983 Essex Shades of Ecstasy 1983 Hallywood 
a TA en Sometime Sweet Susan 1974 Caballero 
Expectations 1978 EE Suburban Dykes 1991 Fatale 
Farewell, Scarlet 1979 Command us о Ума 
Female Aggressors 1986 Catalina [ Swedish Erotica Special 
Fannie Айаз (E. woe 1 Edition: Nostalgia Blue 1982 Caballero 
Swedish Erotica, Volume 
Sai p rr. Беч Кага 58: Templo of Leve 1985 Caballero 
Firesterm 1984 cand Take Off 1978 Video-X-Pix 
For the Love of Pleasure 1979 Essex A Taste ef Ambrosia 1987 Femme 
Hate to See Yeu Ge 1991 VCA Thren Daughters. 2986 men 
AE Trae Love 1989 Vivid 
Video, Number 7 1987 High Society Uniform Behaviour 1989 Zane 
Het Dallas Nights 1982 vex Urban Heat 1985 Femme 
Heuse of Dreams 1990 Caballero Wanda Whips Wall Street 1982 Video-X-Pix 
la Love 1983 VCA Wild Dallas Honey 1983 Cobollera 


Its a mellow song, a good friend, 
alaid back night. 


Its Southern Comfort. 


ы? 


7 254 
® 

9 

a 


Ж Е. 
| У, 1 
ту 02 GALL 1800 AT GUESS $ Д ме 


Reporter's Notebook 


KILLER OF A DEBATE 


when it comes to abortion, conservatives lack the 
conviction to let the chips fall where they may 


Why doesn't George Bush just come 
out and say that any woman or doctor 
who participates in an abortion ought to 
be convicted of murder? Anyone, rich or 
poor, in New York or Louisiana, using a 
public or private medical facility. Thats 
the logic of Bush's turning the Supreme 
Court over to the pro-life crowd that 
abortion is murde 

I hate the abortion debate, because 
conservative. politicians who exploit it 
will never follow through on their 
rhetoric. To do so would mean never win- 
ning another national election. It’s jus 
vicious political game. The well-off will 
рау, here or abroad, for professional care 
to do what they want with their bodies, 
no matter what happens to Roe vs. Wade 
Only the less advantaged will pay with 
trips to the local butchers or down the 
blood-stained Tijuana trail 

Enough with this noisy medieval quar- 
rel about when begins and who 
should make that judgment, an argu- 
ment that has dominated American poli 
tics for the past decade. How long can we 
let arguments about the unborn drown 
out every other social concern, inclu 
the sort of medical, housing, educa 
and job opportunities that should be 
made available to the born? 

Now, as the Supreme Court moves to 
abandon a woman's constitutional right 
10 privacy and control of her own body, 
we may be at a moment of truth. The is- 
sue has been tossed back to Federal and 
e legislative bodies, which will attempt 
to wriggle free of their responsibility to 
take a stand. But it won't be easy, since 
there really is no compromise consensus 
position; you can be neither a liule bit 
pregnant nor a little bit a murde 

The stark choice confronting 
elected political figures is to decide final. 
ly whether or not the hoary rhetoric of 
the anti-abortion crowd should be co- 
der, it 
should be pu h, and if it i 
the state has no business telling a woman 
what to do with her body. Pretty obvious 
ity is hard to come by, 
ot serve the purposes of 
nefully ex- 
member con- 


now 


ausc it does 
politicians who have sha 
ed the issue. 1 well r 
lions with conser 
sors such as the late Bush c 
director Lee Atwater, Reagan pollste 


opinion By ROBERT SCHEER 


Richard Wirthlin and G.O.P. conserva- 
tive guru Stuart К. Spencer, all of whom 
acknowledged that they just loved this is- 
sue as long as they didit winon it. 

It worked as a political ploy when it was 
just campaign rhetoric and not law. The 
abortion issue swung many traditional 
Catholic and fundamentalist-Christian 
working-class Democratic voters to the 
Republican Party during the Reagan 
years. The anti- ion crowd was mol- 
lified and the Yuppies and anyone else 
who wanted an abortion sull felt free to 
have one. If abortion should ever be 
banned, the party leaders recognized, 
the loss for the Republicans would be 
catastrophic. The trick was to keep the 
matter unresolved, but the success of the 
Republicans in packing the Court could 
threaten that strategy. 

As long as the Supreme Court. stuck. 


with Roe v. Wade, leaving tlic decision up 
10 the woman as an essentially private 
matter, others were free to condemn that 


the state intervenes апа 
aw is employed to pun- 


decision. But i 
the power of the 
ish abortion, then we must accept the 
judgment of some religious people that 
abortion is murder, And as а society, we 
are much too pluralistic and. basically 
secular for that to stick 

Think of it. If abortion is murder, why 
are we pussyfooting around with George 
Bush's gag order on doctors in Govern- 
ment-supported clinics who are not al- 
lowed to mention abortion services to 
their patients? Why shouldn't private 
doctors in all states, not just in Louisi: 
be jailed for conspiring with patients to 
break the law? What about the punish- 
ment of family members who conspire to 
buy a ticket to send in to one of 
the states where this murder is legal? 

Ave the bortion people serious? 
If they are. how can ¡hey propose meas- 

s such as requiring parental approval 
for an abortion? Parental approval for 
murder? Or are we requiring the par 
10 be a co-conspirator? 105 the same with 
the gag rule for physicians wor 
publicly tunded clinics. 

Murder is serious stull. You can't allow 
rich people, or people in certain states, 
or those with private doctors, to get away 
with it while you punish the poor or 
those who happen to live in Lou 

Connecticut law now а ить a woman's 


wom 


ana. 


right to an abortion, while Louisiana de- 
nies it. Should U.S. citizens be permitted 
to travel from one state to another to 
commit legally condoned murder? And 
what about travel agents, family friends 
and others who conspire to help a wom- 
commit murder by getting an abor- 
tion abroad? If the Court 
abandons the privacy standard, then we 
are in need of a well-defined and uni- 
n code on this question. 
Let's get on with it. Since the Supreme 
Court will soon opt out, lers have the 
U.S. Congress vote yes or no on this 
abortion-as-murder issue and apply it to 
every state. At least then, the legislatures 
will be held accountable by everyone, 
rich or poor, North or South, and the 
counting ultimately will be devastating 
for the prohibitionists. 
There is a gentler, kinder way, but ad- 
vancing it would require some political 
courage for conservatives. Go ahead and 
condemn abortion as immoral, unwise or 
just a lousy method of birth control. But 
leave the Government out of it, which 
shouldn't be such an odd notion for 
ple calling themselves atives. 
Congress could remove Government 
from the equation by reaffirming a wom- 
anís right to p matter of Feder- 
al civil rights | 
The situation is getting critical. In 
Minnesota, for example, abortions are 
provided in only three of the state's 80 
counties. Vast rural areas are now without 
abortion facilities and the number of 
doctors willing to offer the service to the 
poor has dramatically declined. What i 
happening is a return to the hypocrisy of 
the world as it existed. belore Ror ws. 
Wade, when the middle and upper classes 
could pay for safe procedures and the 
poor had coat hang. 
Rest assured that a future 
anti-abortion forces have their way will 
not ma tio 
ybody. The public won't stand for it 
Instead, we will have a two-tiered justice 
system in which a Senator's wife or gi 
friend will go to Sweden, New York or 
even—illicitly—the family doctor for the 
procedure, while poor women will be 
forced to fend for the And the 
pro-life people will sa 


for ler: 


сопке! 


which th 


cal the same crime for ev- 


selves. 
that's Ше 


59 


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a candid conversation with hollywood's bad-boy actor about his new career, his 


war with the pre 


his marriage to madonna and the mystical joys of surfing 


Once, bying lo get close enough to Sean 
Penn to take his picture—let alone talk about 
his private life—was typically met with epi- 
ах, spit and fists. People magazine diag- 
nosed him as a “slugaholic” and paparazzi 
often goaded him into violence just lo get one 
more action shot of Penn's knuckles heading 
straight at a camera lens. He snarled at re- 
porters, threw punches at men who flirted with 
his then-wife Madonna, refused to do publici- 
ty for some of his films and became so im- 
mersed in a sea of bad press that it began to 
tarnish his obvious skills as an actor 

Approaching Penn today is significantly less 
hazardous. Now a wiser, more mature 31 
years old, he has put aside acting in order to 
direct, and he has also adopted the move sedate 
lifestyle of a loving father. But don't suggest to 
Penn that lus kinder gentler incarnation 
means he's a changed man. “Changed from 
what?” he'll bark, а look of distaste covering 
his pugnacious face. A generalized, catego- 
rized perception of my public persona? For 
those who have taken any interest?” 

Despite his protests, people have been tak- 
ing an interest in Penn from the very begin- 
ning of his career, and in the beginning, much 
of that attention was positive. From his first 
major vole in “Taps,” which co-starred Timo- 


“You have to understand: When Madonna 
and I got together, she was an up-and-coming 
star. She was not an icon. My understanding 
of the direction Madonna was choosiug was a 
misunderstanding. Н was а big surpri: 


thy Hutton and the unknown Tom Cruise, 
critics were enthralled. Many thought that 
Penn was the best actor of his generation, and 
some compared him to Robert De Niro. He fol- 
lowed “Taps” with his unforgettable perform. 
ance as surfer Jeff Spicoli in “Fast Times at 
Ridgemont High,” and he continued to etch 
memorable roles in the movies that followed— 


“Bad Boys,” “The Falcon and the Snowman, 
“Colors, Casualties of War" and “State of 
Grace." Bul he was bedeviled by two problems 


First, his acting was usually better than the 
which were often box-office 
duds. Second, his off-screen anties—which fell 
into three categories: fighting, drinking and 
dating—turned him into a press agents 
nightmare. The media began to portray hin as 
a typical show-business tragedy: the young, 
talented actor who drank too much, became 
distracted by his marriage to a bigger star and 
ultimately squandered his talent. 

Penn, who seldom voluntarily cooperated 
with the press, seemed to go aut of his way to 
fulfill that prophecy, His enemies 
ingly everywhere: The producers of “Racing 
with the Moon" publicly chastised him for not 
promoting the movie—and Jor persuading his 
co-star and girlfriend Elizabeth McGovem 
to do likewise. His outdoor. wedding lo 


m- 


“Unfortunately, ‘Racing with the Moon’ 
turned into one of the most boring melodramas 
of the Eighties: ‘The Pugnacious Asshole Sto- 
ry, starring Sean Penn, И was my biggest hit 
П was all over the plac 


Madonna remains unrivaled as а media cir- 
cus—and Penn didn't do his image any good 
when he was rumored to have opened fire with 
a handgun at the newscoplers hovering ow 
head. Their divorce was as altention-gelling 
as the wedding; a SWAT team swarmed their 
house at Madonna's request and rumors 
abounded about bizarre and abusive behavior: 
The press kept regular tabs on his brawls—of- 
ten an easy enough task, since the press was 
frequently on the receiving end—and Penn 
was a regular in court, explaining his prob- 
lems with fighting and alcohol to various 
judges. Sometimes the explanations worked 
and sometimes they didu't—Penn ultimately 
served 32 days in Los Angeles County Jail for 
violating probation. 

Lately, however, Penn's Ще has been much 
quieter. He managed to fall in love with ac- 


tress Robin Wright, his co-star from “State of 


Grace," without landing on the cover of one 
magazine. The couple has a baby daughter, 
Dylan Frances Penn, and Sean has a new ca- 
ter behind the camera. His directing debut, 
“The Indian Runner,” received favorable no- 
tices when it was shown al the Cannes Film 
Festival and will soon be released in the U.S. 

Born on August 17, 1960—also the birth- 
day of De Nira and Davy Crockett—Penn had 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY MIZUNO 
“There were times somebody deserved to be 
smacked. And I have deserved to be smacked, 
too. No one ever wrote about the times when 1 
got the shit kicked out of me, because nobody 
sues you when they kick the shit out of you.” 


61 


PLAYBOY 


62 


his first exposure to show business around the 
dinner table. His father, Leo Penn, was a TI 
and fim director, and his mother was actress 
Eileen Ryan, who retired when Sean was 
born. He grew up in L.A.'s suburban San Fer- 
nando Valley but moved to Malibu when he 
was len, where surfing became his passion. 
Show business was everywhere: Martin Sheen 
and his family lived down the road —Emilio 
Estevez and Penn became buddies in their ear- 
ly teens—and he went to high school with an- 
other neighbor, Rob Lowe. It's no wonder that 
all three Penn children ended up in show busi- 
ness—Sean and younger brother Christopher 
as actors, older brother Michael as a singer/ 
songwriter 

Although Sean and Christopher often 
fooled around with a Super-8 camera as kids, 
making home movies with a violeuce-and-ac- 
tion motif, Sean didn't seriously consider act- 
ing as а career until his senior year in high 
school. After graduation, he scrounged up 
some work with the Los Angeles Repertory 
Group Theater aud studied with the late, leg- 
endary acting coach Peggy Feury. His first TV 
role was one line in an episode of “Barnaby 
Jones.” More episodic TV followed, then Penn 
quit abruptly—bypically, he complained that 
the commercials interrupted the flow of his 
work—and moved to New York to do stage 
work. A role in the play “Heartland” resulted 
in an audition for “Taps,” and he was sud- 
denly taken seriously. 

When Penn agreed to a vare interview, we 
sent Contributing Editor David Rensin to meet 
with him as he put the finishing touches on 

The Indian Runner.” Rensin reports: 

“Td heard that Sean was supposedly a ‘new 
man’ and his willingness to sit for thas inter- 
view seemed proof. But if he had undergone 
some radical personality change, it was not 
immediately apparent when we met al a 
friend's beach apartment. He greeted me cool- 
ly and carefully. There was no small talk, no 
attempt to create false intimacy. 1 quickly 
turned on the tape recorder and Sean sipped 
ага beer 

‘AL first, his responses were guarded and 
edgy. As time went on, during the first meeting 
and al four subsequent sessions al various lo- 
cations, he opened up and displayed a sense of 
humor with wry, self-effacing asides. He seems 
comfortable with who he is, has a bracing if 
nol entirely pleasing view of reality and is 
willing lo voll with the changes—as long as he 
can do things pretty much his own way. 

“E decided lo begin our first session by ask- 
ing about the most obvious manifestation of 
his new ife his daughter Dylan.” 


PLAYBOY: Let's talk abou 6s herhood. 
PENN: [Beaming] Isn't ita pisse 
PLAYBOY: How has your 
nged your life: 
PENN: Until my daughter was born, there 
was never anything more important thi 
me in my Ше, She just came blasting in 
and said, “Hello. Now keep me alive. 
Make me happy. Educate me. And then 
let me go." All those prospects are a 
thrill. And you find out you dont want 
the night out so much. 


daughter 


PLAYBOY: Are you getting much sleep? 
PENN: She sleeps pretty good. I'm told 
we're lucky. She's been nothing but a pos- 
itive addition; it's not been an added bur- 
den or anything. [Long pause] Let me ask 
you something, because Im curious. Im 
not trying to be confrontational, but is 
there a preconceived sort of plan to 
ak the ice through a personal thing 
the kid? 

PLAYBOY: Where do you suggest an 
viewer start with you 
PENN: Well, you started with the in- 
evitable common ground, right? [Lights 
the first of many cigarettes and inhales deeply) 
PLAYBOY: We'll try something else. You 
just got back from showing your new 
film, The Indian Runner, at the Cannes 
Film Festival. You're known for shunning 
the limelight, so why even go to that me- 
dia circus: 
PENN: ] hadn't ever been there with a 
movie. The press seemed much more 
respectful of the intentions behind 
making movies. 1 don't know if 1 was 
liked. Y don't speak their language, but 
they didn't ask me stupid questions. 1 
don't know what they wrote afterward. I 


er- 


“I apologize to the 
people who know 
some of those people 
1 hit—and that I didn't 


hit them harder." 


was naively opi 


nistic, and my expecta- 
tions were exceeded. 

PLAYBOY: Did you run into your ех? 
Chuckles] Yeah. She's a hoot. She's 
very lull of life. We ran into each other at 
a Spike Lee Jungle Fever party. She came 
over and sat down with me and some of 
the people I was with 

PLAYBOY: Any palpable tension? 

PENN: Not to me. Maybe to others. It's a 


Did you show һе! 
baby pictures? 

PENN: No, there are certain things you 
want to talk about only with friends. 
PLAYBOY: Have you seen Truth or Dare? 
PENN: < ked if ГА seen it and I told 
her no. Tm sure ГИ catch it on cable. 
PLAYBOY: Going 10 Cannes, a pleasant 
meeting with the ex. What we've heard 
must be true: You're a changed guy. 
PENN: I assume that everyone on earth is 
in some kind of transition, so change 
from what? The simplified, homoge- 
nized, mass media-ized take on me? 
That persona is not something single- 
handedly created by me. Most of it was 
created by people Гуе never met: so- 


any of yor 


he 


called journalists. So to say y 
something that never existed. 
PLAYBOY: You mean you're just the 
old Scan we've never really known? 
PENN: 1 just feel a litle delensive at the 
suggestion of change. because I sense the 
condescending attitude behind it. Plus, I 
don't believe I'm able to articulate any 
changes I might have gone through. So I 
would be setting myself up to give the 
inane answer: “I'm just not this terribly 
violent, awful little creep anymore. Um 
now an enlightened individual who loves 
you all." [t's not true. I don't love vou all. 
Nor did I ever hate you all. 

PLAYBOY: Does admitting to change seem 
like apologizing 
PENN: It implies 
have any to make. 
PLAYBOY: Not even to people vou hit 
PENN: 1 apologize to the people who 
know some of those people I hit—and 
that I didn't hit them harder. [Smiles] 
PLAYBOY: Did you ger any real satisfaction 
out of punching paparazzi? 

PENN: Sometimes I did. Generally, wh 
I've gotten into physical confronta 
with people, I've felt terrible afterw 
Irs a stupid communication. It's not 
without its occasional value, and there 
were times when somebody deserved to 
be smacked. And I have deserved to be 
smacked, too. No one ever wrote about 
the times I got the shit kicked out of me, 
because nobody sues you when they kick. 
the shit out of 
PLAYBOY: Who kicked the shit out of you? 
PENN: I was in a bar on an Indian reser- 
vation in Nevada. А guy came up to me 
and started talking. There'd been some 
press at that time about the leadership 
within the tribes’ selling out their own 
wibes—making land deals with white 
man's corporations—so | asked him 
some questions about it. I guess he was 
the son of one of the tribal council. He 
shoved me, I picked up a chair and hit 
m with it. Then he and his buddies 
in their own y 


es answers 


ime 


nd I dont 


apology. 


PENN: Yeah, he knew who 1 was. He was 
looking for an opportunity, and I gave it 
to him. Now he can go back and say, “I 
kicked the shit out of Sean Penn.” And 1 
guess 1 was asking for it, because I'd had 
few drinks 

PLAYBOY: We've heard about vour drink- 
g habits, In fact. in a recent int 
Madonna called you a “mean drunk." 
PENN: That's what 1 get for calling her а 
hoot. Yeah, I drink, [Pauses] If Fm happy 
when I'm drinking, Гиз a happy drunk. И 
I'm something else, I'm a something-else 
drunk. But my drinking now is very i 


days a week and once every two months, 
TI binge. In the past, I binged fa 
PLAYBOY: What changed your habits? 

PENN: Let me use an analogy. When I was 
in jail, one of the great ways to pass the 
tme was to sleep, especially if you're a 
short-timer who knows he’s going to get 


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64 


ош on a specific date, when you won't 
have to pass the time with sleep. 

I didn't have a calendar date when I'd 
be released from my [life] burdens, so to 
speak, but I knew very clearly that I would 
be released. That rests on my faith in my- 
self, which Гуе always had. So I drank to 
shut out the noise that was going on in 
the meantime. Alcohol is a wonderful aid 
in that way. However, it's something to be 
careful of, because you don't want to 
combine it with certain “responsible 
tasks” that you have day to day Bu 
drinking's not something I have to elim 
nate from my in order to be responsi 
ble. When I drink, I choose my time 
carefully. 1 have always been able to put 
drinking aside to do whatever I had to 
do, no matter how excessively I was 
drinking at the time. 

PLAYBOY: Did drinking add to your vio- 
lent confrontations with the media 
PENN: Not much. But the courts thought 
so, and I was ordered to get help. The 
psychiatrist didn't think I had a problem 
in that arca. If anything, alcohol slows 
you down. 

PLAYBOY: In other words, you could have 
hit someone twice instead of once? 
PENN: No, but maybe I would have been 
more in what corner of. 
what dark alley, about to pop out. | might 
have made another turn and never got- 
ten into the conflict in the first place. Be- 
cause I was drinking, I was less careful 
about what I did or said. But I still don't 
go lor the cliché of “Sean Penn had hi 
hot little acting career and then got сга; 
with alcohol and а turbulent marriage 
PLAYBOY: Whats the most offensive thing 
the paparazzi ever did to you? 

PENN: [Grins] They said, “We love you. 
Scan.” 

PLAYBOY: That provoked you? 

PENN: A famous actress once used me as 
п example in an interview. I guess she 
was sympathetic to the problems caused 
by the paparazzi. She said if she were a 
guy. she wouldn't just hit [the photogra- 
pher], she'd kill him. In effect, she was 
saying that she would go all the way. To 
me, going all the way means having no 
witnesses. 1 had my period of dealing 
with people the way | thought they 
should һе dealt with, creeping and crawl- 
ing in the night to get out what 1 fell— 
nd I got away with it. 

PLAYBOY: You skulked around at night 
and got revenge? 

PENN: I knew I shouldn't have said any 
thing. 
PLAYBOY: But you said it. 

PENN: Yeah. Í exacted revenge. 1 don't 
want to advocate negative things. Yet I al- 
so don't apologize lor revenge. It's à hu- 
man reaction. And like I said, I don't 
have any regrets. 

PLAYBOY: Give us an example of one of 
those midnight raids. 

PENN: Actually, I'm concerned here. It's 
a funny area. In one sense, it's а silly 
litle thing, and in another sense, the 


ramifications could be v 
ther case, it's totally unromantic to put 
into words. And ultimately incriminat- 
ing. So let's pass. 

PLAYBOY: Why did you do it? 

PENN: Justice. My own righteousness. 
PLAYBOY: Was your sense of justice 
satisfied? 
PENN: Yeah. Ye 
PLAYBOY: How did your problems with 
the press get started: 
PENN: It has to do with that marriage 
bringing me into some kind of perverse 
spotlight. 1 suppose that if her car had 
had a voice and a personality, they would 
have followed i and taken pictures of it 
in the garage. 

I's all just another reflection of the 
mass insanity and mass sickness of 
celebrity and people's interest in it, their 
jealousy of it and envy of it. 105 like a 
kind of disease. 1 don't have an entirely 
objective view of what that is, but I do 
have a pretty good visceral sense of the 
most well-known perception of me—that 
I'm an asshole. If Lam an asshole, its cer- 
ташу not in the ways or for the reasons 
that people have come up with. 

PLAYBOY: Lets talk about а couple of 
those reasons—some of the rumors that 
have surrounded you. Is it true that on 
the set of Al Close Range, you beat up 
someone on the crew for flirting with 
your co-star, Mary Stuart Masterson? 

PENN: That's totally untrue. That had to 
do with somebody who, just before we 
started shooting, was apparently drunk 
and intimidating the actress in the film. 1 
had to have a conversation with hi 
make sure that we were all goi 
able to work together without il 


heard another 
You'd lost your driver's license 


story: 
nd were 
riding a bus. Some guy was staring at you 


and he said, “Anybody ever tell you that 
you look like Sean Penn?” and you said, 
“Yeah.” He said he had been an extra in 
a movie with Penn, and you said, “Oh, re- 
ally? What did you think of him?" And he 
said, “Oh, he’s a complete asshole.” 
PENN: [Bemused] I don't remember that. 
But Ive had things like that happe 
Once, I was on a public phone and some- 
body walked up to me and said, "Are vou 
really as big an asshole as they say?” And 
1 said, "Yeah," 
if you say no. 
At the same time, there is an up side to 
all these misperceptions. By virtue. of 
journalists’ creating their own personal 
ty for Sean, my private life has taken 
great cover. Not only have I not vomited 
my real life into the public eye but it's 
been given a mask by people without my 
even asking. Even so, there's a hell of a 
lot more known about me than I would 
like to have known. 
PLAYBOY: Yet vou're here, talking. 
PENN: You're asking me why am I doing 
this interview, and I suppose it's for the 
same reasons I havent done other inter- 


It's a longer conversation 


views: oing by 
nstinct. Also, 1 have a movie to promote, 
though it's never been proven that doing 
an interview will help. And, look, whats 
t thing that can happen? Ive 
had hatchet pieces done on me. Its just 
words. And I can get over that. 
PLAYBOY: You used to antagonize the 
press. One photographer, Mick Paladin, 
even challenged you to a three-round 
boxing match, just to prove that you 
weren't so tough. 
PENN: Very funny story about that. After 
seeing this guy's ads in Variety challeng- 
ing me, Marlon Brando sent me a note 
that said something to the effect of, 
“Dear Sean: Take the fight. Winner take 
all. HBO. If I were fifty pounds lighter, 
I'd get in there, too. Best, Marlon. 
PLAYBOY: How do you respond to critics 
who have suggested that, like. Brando, 
you had enormous potential as an actor 
but you squandered it at the feet of a 
driven woman? 
PENN: Ob, they want to be my father? 
They want to be my dad? I'm the black- 
sheep son. Гуе got to tell you: I'm so sor- 
ry. Tm so apologetic. I really, really need 
to send them all faxes and apologize 
[Chuckles] You know, John Lennon nailed 
it about having to live with this kind of 
shit: “People say Im crazy doing what 
I'm doing." 
PLAYBOY: One thing you did was spend 
thirty-two days in jail for assaulting a 
photographer. What did you do to pass 
the time, other than sleep? 
PENN: | wrote like a motherfucker, but 
they won't give you anything but pen 
You can't use a pen, because it's ag 
the rules to tattoo yourself. So I wrote a 
play that I later directed as a workshop 
thing called The Kindness of Women. And 1 
wrote a movie, totally stream of con- 
sciousness, without stopping. 1 sta 
for three days. I never reread it. 
about the effects of boredom 
PLAYBOY: Did you read? 
PENN: You could read what you took in. 
Since | surrendered instead of being tal 
en off the street, I was able to take books 
with me: the essays of Montaigne; a 
William Burroughs book, which was too 
depressing to read under the circum- 
stances; some Raymond Carver short sto- 
ries that depressed the shit out of me; 
and a bunch of Thurber, which was great. 
Very light. I recommend Thurber for ev- 
erybody in jail. I thought my books 
и me the whole month, and they 


talk with? 
PENN: The “ 

mirez, was in the cell across the way. Ray- 
mond Buckey [the defendant in the 
McMartin preschool. molesta 
in the cell next to me. This was not a 
fucking garden party. You're in an eight- 
and-a-half-foot-by-eleven-foot cell ай by 
yourself. You eat in your cell. And in pro- 
tective custody, on the short time, they do 


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PLAYBOY 


not owe you any time out of your cell, ex- 
cept for a ten-minute phone call per day 
and a twenty-minute visit. So, at best, 
out of your cell thirty minutes a 
day. Otherwise, it’s four concrete walls 
with an iron door. with a littlewired Plex- 
iglas window. So you can see each other 
Ramirez and I had one thing in com- 
mon: We're both insonmiacs. I'd look 
across at him and he'd look across at me. 
PLAYBOY: Did you talk to Ramirez or 
Вискеј 
PENN: No. I talked to Buckey only once. 
When youre at visits or on the phone 
you're handcufled to a rail with one 
hand, Buckey and I were handculled by 
the phones and there was an emergency 
on the floor. These alarms went off while 
we were in the phone area, so they left 
one guard in the booth where he could 
see us. Buckey told me about his case. 
Ramirez and I had to take showers at 
the same time a lot, because we were both 
high-priority inmates, because of our 
high profiles. There were threats on us 
both. Ramirez asked for my autograph 
once. 1 said, “ГЇЇ give you mine if you'll 
give me yours." Paper passing is contra- 
band, so he asked a guard and the guard 
figured he wanted to be the cupid in the 
situation. Actually, this guard was a de- 
cent guy. He brought over Ramirez’ au- 
tograph. It read, “Dear Sean: Stay tough 
and hit 'em again. Richard Ramirez, 
666." It included a pentagram and a very 


you'r 


good illustration of his view of the Devil 
> Е wrote him back something to the ef 
fect of, “Dear Richard: Ir's impossible to 
be incarcerated and not feel a certain 
kinship with your fellow inmates. Well 
Richard, Гуе done the impossible. 1 feel 
absolutely no kinship with you.” He gota 
kick out of it. He had a sense of humor 
PLAYBOY: Didn't people want to kill Buck- 
ey, since that was before the child-mo- 
lestation charges were dropped? Wasn't 
he high priority? 

PENN: Oh, yeah. But where he was, they 
had that kinship. They all knew each oth- 
er. Of course, they all would whisper to 
you on the side, “This guy's really a psy- 
cho. E only chopped oll my wife's head, 
but this guy. . . 7 [Laughs] 

PLAYBOY: Did you end up feeling sorry 
for any of them? 

PENN: ГИ tell you, there's nothing like 
being in jail and hearing the screams of 
somebody who's going to be in there for 
the rest of his life. At night. you're trying 
to sleep and you hear these fucking pri- 
mal screams. When you think about what 
it’s like being in jail, you think to your- 
self, These people don't deserve to be re- 
leased, but nobody deserves this. 
PLAYBOY: Was Ramirez a screamer? 
PENN: Ramirez was odd. He was like a 
textbook psycho. He was funny. What he 
did was obviously horrible, but in jail, he 
was like the typical bad actor, He was like 
the psychos on The Mod Squad. He'd jerk 


oll a lot when nurses were around. He'd 
start jerking off and laugh this manic 
augh. Yeah. he was a big star there 
PLAYBOY: You must have felt terribly out 
of place in jail 

PENN: The whole idea that I was in jail 
was silly 

PLAYBOY: Why did you plea 
instead of fighting? 

PENN: I was on probation from an as- 
sault-and-batiery charge. | had a sus- 
pended sentence, which means they own 
you; don't fuck up. One typical condition 
of probation is that vou can't commit vio- 
lence on anybody. Break no laws. But a 
further. condition for me was "Commit 
anybody." 1 told 
lawyers it seemed unconstitutional. They 
could have nailed mc for defending my- 
self. We were discussing that when I got 
into this stupid thing on Venice Beach 
with some guy, so now | had another 
charge. Which, on its own, I would have 
defended myself against and probably 
won. The press made it out to be a lot of 
shit, like I had attacked this extra. It 
wasn't the case. The guy spit on me, and 
i's а long story. While we were waiting 
for the hearing date, I was driving up 
from a friend's house in San Pedro, and I 
had done a bad thing—which was get in 
my car drunk, I saw the police and I hit 
the gas. 1 just wanted to get out of there. 
And they caught me. So I got arrested for 
drunk driving 


| no contest 


no violence on my 


and I deserved that, I 


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think it’s a terrible thing to do, and it 
wasn't the first time that I had done it. I 
knew it was stupid and reckless. I thought 
it would be wrong to fight it. It goes be- 
yond self-destructive when you start in- 
cluding other people, potentially, So 1 
went to the lawyers and we decided to ap- 
proach the judge and make the best deal 
we could. That was sixty days, and a good 
day for a good day, and 1 did half of it 
PLAYBOY: Did vou get any special treat- 
ment in jail? 

PENN: The press was saying | got sushi 
dinners. Bullshit. In L.A. County Jail, 
they stick a finger up your ass and tell 
you, “OR, you don't have a gun.” There 
isn't a sheet in the place that doesn't have 
shit stains on it. And then they tell me I 
was getting preferential treatment 
PLAYBOY: Didn't you dia problems ac- 
tually begin when you refused to do in- 
terviews for Racing with the Moon? 

PENN: Bingo. I wouldn't play the game. 
I'd had no problems at all with the press 
up to that time. I was doing what 1 want- 
ed to do; I was acting, trying to do the 
best job that I could. Then the time came 
to publicize the film, Great, 1 wanted 
people to see it. Td worked hard. But I 
was busy im Mexico shooting another 
movie. There wasn't time to allow me to 
participate in the publicity for the film. 
Bur the people involved in that movie 
didn’t respect my answer when I said no, 
and then they did something I don't be- 


lieve has been done any other time. They 
spoke in public against the actor who was in 
their movie, They insinuated that I had 
influenced the other actors [not to do 
publicity], which was totally bogus. 
PLAYBOY: Wasn't that because you and 
your co-sta lizabeth McGovern, were 
an item at the time and she didn't do 
publicity either? 

PENN: They assumed that because they re 
cowards and they didn't look at the truth. 
It was as il they realized that the wolves 
needed some food. So they said, "Here 
he is. His name is Sean Penn. Have a 
feast.” You couldn't say the press started 
it, It was the people I was working for 
and/or with. 

PLAYBOY: Would you have done publicity 
if you'd had time? 

PENN: Frankly, I don't feel publicity is my 
responsibility as an actor. They don't ask. 
me what I think about cutting the movie 
or the music. Гуе tended to help in the 
publicity when I've been included in the 
process beyond what Гуе been paid for. A 
good example is At Close Range, where 
the director, James Foley, and 1 worked 
closely together. When I'm paid to act, 
that’s what ГИ do. 

Unfortunately, Racing with the Moon 
turned into one of the most boring melo- 
dramas of the Eighties: The Pugnacious 
Asshole Story, starring Sean Penn. It was 
my biggest hit. It was all over the place 
PLAYBOY: Some people suggested that 


you didn't do interviews because your 
idol, Robert De Niro, didnt. 

PENN: That's a good example of the bull- 
shit the press comes up with. With all due 
respect to Robert De Niro, who 1 think is 
as been 


е an actor as there has eve: 
Гуе never had an idol. Fuck. i'd be an 
embarrassing thought even if 1 had felt it. 
Never у stupidest fucking moment 
would I have said that 

PLAYBOY: How did all this bad press affect 
your acting? 

PENN: It didn't. I was always very con- 
scious of the things that I needed to work 
on as an actor; where I was weaker and 
where I was stronger. That is not to say 
that it wasn't a contributing factor to 
some bad choices that put me in а situa- 
tion—one situation in particular—where 
1 just said, “I don't give a fuck.” 1 just 
stayed drunk the whole fucking time. 
PLAYBOY: Which movie? 

= | think you could probably tell me. 
shanghai Surprise? 

PENN: [Laughs] Youre a good guesser. I 
got myself into a situation with a bunch 
of cowards. We made a cowardly movie 
together. I was so pissed off and preoccu- 
pied with other things that it’s the cne 
time 1 took a movie entirely for the pay 
check. And also because there were peo- 
ple who wanted п 
PLAYBOY: People such as Madonna? 
PENN: Yeah. And they offered me a lot of 


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PLAYBOY 


money. I just said, “Fuck it, ГИ do i 
PLAYBOY: Did you realize it was a sel 
structive act when you did i 
PENN: Oh, yeah, yeah. But I didnt know 
quite how self-destructive. 1 didnt in 
my wildest imagination picture such a 
group of misfits aiding and abetting my 
self-destruction. I felt like the guy 
bar who picks a fight with the biggest 
fucking guy there because he knows all 
his buddies are going to back him, and it 
turns out all his buddies are blind and 


Ede- 


crippled. | didn't expect quite the beat- 
ingl ge 


[Laughs] 
Certainly, by that time in your 
eer, you were wise to the way Holly- 
wood works. Shanghai Surprise was a big 
studio production. Aren't big studios of- 
ten to blame for bad movies, with their 
emphasis on marketing and budgets? 
PENN: Not the studios. It’s directors, writ- 
ers and actors. I go to fewer and fewer 
movies that | give two shits about. Most 
e packages of negative spirit, designed 
to insulate those who have and pretend 
to offer something from those who don't. 
Um interested in films only when the film 
maker's dreams are being shared with 
me, not when he or she is saying, "You 
don't have enough. dreams yourself, so 
I'm going to make some up for you.” 
When I walk into a theater. I'm just hop- 
ing, “Please, don't lie to me.” 
so many of these people do 
themselves and ask, What do I y 
want to say? is that they're cowards. Sure, 
there are people who have an interest in 
things that matter, but then they go into 
a meeting with a studio executive and 
pologize for what they re trying to do. If 
you start editing and modifying, which is 
s to most people, who the 
fuck wants to put up money to support. 
that? I've been in so many of these me 
ngs where the executives have some gen- 
uine interest in the project. Sometimes 
they're embattled themselves, but they do 
want to make good movies. Some of 
these guys do gel il. 
PLAYBOY: If passion were all it took. 
PENN: Гт not saving studios will do any 
movie you want just because you believe 
in it, but you haven't got a chance in hell 
to do anything worth while if you're show- 
ing your fear from the start 
There film makers who made real- 
ly wonderful movies early in their Careers 
and then went straight to hell. But Tm 
ing ton ybody, because they 
are. Everybody knows who 
they are. They're the ones who don't 
sleep well at night. 7 don't sleep well 
ht because they exist. So none of us 
з sleeping. [Laughs] 
PLAYBOY: Who is committed 
PENN: Terry Gilliam. His films have been 
good and bad—but they're always his 


guy should be 
funded by the Government. They should 
just give him whatever he spends every 
year and let him make his movies. And 


it’s not even my kind of movie. But you 
know that this guy is sharing something 
sort of magical, and that’s great 

PLAYBOY: What about those film makers 
who don't have a dream to share? 
PENN: They should do my laundry 
backing up. [Smiles] Most of these actors 
should find out what it is that they really 
take pride in. It certainly isn't acting. 
PLAYBOY: Now that you're talking about 
quitting acting, perhaps you'd care to 
characterize your career. 

PENN: Vell, at the risk of sounding false- 
ly humble, I think I did prety insignifi- 
antly and made it more insignificant by 
nding up so overburdened with [unpop- 
ularity]. That affects the perception of a 


‘ow your acting? 
respect acting as a craft. But for 
me, the craft eventually became a set of 
addict's works, like a hypodermic needle. 
If 1 didn't act, 1 could feel it physically, 
like I was gonna have a withdrawal. So 1 
acted, And, like a lot of addicts feel about 
the drug, acting became my lover and I 
thought of it in very positive terms. But 
when it didn't love me back, it started 
hurting me. It showed its true face and I 
realized it wasn't what I was built for. 
PLAYBOY: Were you surprised to learn 
how good you were as an actor? 
PENN: I was perceived as good by some 
and not by others. 
PLAYBOY: But generally: 
PENN: Hey, I'm not going to accuse m 
self of being а good actor in public. 
PLAYBOY: You can't deny you stood out 
Irom the crowd. 

PENN: There were only a few other young 
actors at that time doing 


were lewer and fewer, Now I think nin 
ty-nine percent of the young actors com- 
ng up should rally do my laundry 
[Smiles] They should have a wing of the 
S Guild, the Acting Police, 
10 take care of these people. So I wasnt 
surprised that I achieved some degree of 
success. If I made an impression, it wasn't 
against incredible odds. 
PLAYBOY: You started out in Taps, with 
Tim Hutton and Tom Cruise. What did 
you think was going to happen to the 
three of you? Do you respect these men 
as actors? 
PENN: Yeah. Frps started a whole genet 
tion of youth movies. Tim Hutton had 
just done Ordinary People. and he opened 
the door for young actors. He'd won an 
Academy Award. It was easy to perceive 
him as а real talented actor. My expecta 
tion is that he'll go on doing good work 
nd continue to be a movie star Tom 
Cruise surprised me a lot. Not so much 
that he became a big st because 1 
think he’s done some very good work— 
and not because I didn't think he w 
gifted; but he seemed so naive at the time 
that I worried if he was р to get lost 
on his way home. I can't say Га have 
called his future correctly. 


PLAYBOY: You've always refused to talk 
about your preparation for a role. Why? 
PENN: You turn on the television, which is 
a sin to do in the first place, and all you 
see is these behind-the-scenes things 
now, on every cable station. This is the 
last fucking thing in the world that they 
should do to the movies. The fast fucking 
thing. People can't enjoy the experience 
of the movies as much as they used to. 
They enjoy talking about special effects 
and how things were done. It just drives 
me nuts. And the worst part of all, of 
course, is the actors who talk about how 
they created their roles. They go on and 
on and on about this and that bullshit. 
That better be one great fucking pet 
formance if it’s so worth talking about. 
And it never is. 
PLAYBOY: At what point did you realize 
you wanted to stop acting? 
PENN: When I realized it hurt too much 
1 was doing Hibbwty, a wonderfully 
written play by David Rabe. The part was 
fascinating. Yet every night, it hurt. So 1 
asked myself, What the fuck am I doing? 
PLAYBOY: Yet vou still did more movies. 
PENN: Yeah. I had already committed to 
do another movie. I decided that would 
be the last time Td act. It was We're No An- 
gels. But 1 had a very difficult time there, 
through nobody's fault but my own. I was 
left with that petty feeling of wanting to 
finish with a better experience. So State of 
Grace was offered and it was interesting. 1 
worked with a director, Phil Joanou, who 
ng of his career. He has 
an excessive amount of enthusiasm about 
film and a lot of knowledge about it in 
areas that | was not as knowledgeable 
about. It was a treat for me, because 1 
knew Iwas going to direct and there were 
a lot of things about directing that 1 
learned working with him. He clearly 
should not be doing my laundry. 
PLAYBOY: Now you've become a director. 
How did The Indian Runner evolve? 
PENN: Before Springsteen's Nebraska 
came out, E heard his song Highway Pa- 
trolman оп a demo that a friend had, and 
I knew Bruce remotely. Later, I hap- 
pened to be around when he was on the 
phone with somebody, and I got on to tell 
him that I'd responded very strongly to 
that record and, in particular, that song. 
1 offhandedly said Га like 10 make 
поме of it someday, and he oll handedly 
said ОК. At that time, T was thinking 
actor. E just kept thinking 
about it over the years and started to get 
one picture alter another in my head 
When I was up in Vancouv 
We're No Angels, 1 started passing the time 
between shots at the typewriter and just 
wrote it 
PLAYBOY: Is this your first screenplay? 
PENN: [Laughs] No. Гуе got a shelf full of 
them. 
PLAYBOY: Some people call The Indian 
Runner a meditation on the problems of 
contemporary masculinity. 
PENN: As the director and writer, I think 


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PLAYBOY 


most people would expect me to be the 
expert here. Unfortunately, 1 don’t feel 
that my thoughts on what the 
about are 
of somebody who goes to see it. So I don't 
a Bob 
him ex 


movie is 


formed than those 


1y more i 
w I'm not doi 
Dylan on yor 
plain a few things about his soi 
me—but Га really prefer that the thing 
spoke for itself when it comes to that sort 
of question 

PLAYBOY: Is The Indian Runner a coming 
of-age story? 

PENN: Not in the traditional 
coming-ol-age stories, as the term is ap- 
plied at development meetings in Los 
Angeles, California. Thats а firsefuck 
issue. I think there's ver to be а ошу 
film. They're 
cither too soft because adults are dealing 


nt to get into it 


Га love to have 


gs 10 


sense of 


significant coming, 


Lage 


with their own vision of how they'd like to 


see children, or they're clichés. And I un- 


derstand that. It would be very difficult 
to make 
PLAYBOY: The reviews from Cannes for 
The Indian Runner were generally good, 
but reviews don’t pay the bills. How im- 
portant is it for your debut effort to make 
money? 

PENN: Frankly. I haven't really thought 
about making money with this movie, ex 
cept in the most superficial sense. You do 
your work and you hope to be able to 
continue to do your work. Monetary suc 
cess is not absolutely necessary to keep 


film about the coming of 


on directing. I think you have to be re- 
sponsible to the idea as you expressed it 
to those who have to worry about the 
money. You go in and you tell a story, and 


it affects someone or it doesn't. And if it 


dors affect them, and they decide they 
want 10 put up the money for it, the rest 
is their problem. financially. Your prob- 
lem is to be responsible to tell the story 
that they paid for. Also, l'm not worried 
about being able to get money together 
ГЇ come up with it. ГЇЇ 
sell lemonade on Santa. Monica. Boule- 
vard to make the movies. ГИ steal it. As a 
celebrity, you get invited to Hollywood 
parties, and who the hell is going t0 sus 
pect you of taking the jewels? And there 
аге lors of handba 


Em a scrapper 


PLAYBOY: Il you won an Oscar, would you 
accept it 
PENN: [Laughs] What the fuck is that all 


about? Have you sei am late- 


n that prog 
ly? Is a ship of fools. 1 just don't get it. 1 


ng 


dont get that nobody sees how fuck 


venal it is 
PLAYBOY: Suppose the film is a success 
and the press starts to like you. Can you 
handle it? 

PENN: No! Please don't like me. The pos- 
itive stuff is just as damaging as the nega- 
tive and just as untrue. A good rule is 
that if too many people like you, you're 
Чой 

wrong, If there's not somebody out to get 


something wrong. Very fücking 


you, you ain't shit 


PLAYBOY: You said before that one re 
ihe press focused on you was your mar- 
¢ to Madonna. Let's talk about that 
2 Lets don't. [Laughs] 

PLAYBOY: ‘There 
your weddin, 


son 


was а lot of ink about 
Anything you'd like to set 


straight about that circus? 

PENN: The thing I'd like to correct is the 
perception that the whole th 
cus and a fiasco. In fact, only the ceremo- 
ny outside was a fiasco, because litte 
punky news jerks got up in a helicopter 
to be Peeping Toms and ruin things. But 
once it got under the tent, it was just fine. 
PLAYBOY: Didit you later tell one news- 
man, “I wish your helicopter had crashed 
and burned 
PENN: [t will one day 

PLAYBOY: Let's clear something up: Were 
you actually shooting at the helicopters? 
Didn't a friend have to disarm you 

PENN: Nobody had to take the gun away 
PLAYBOY: What does that mean? 

PENN: 
the grou 
[Pauses] I've been misquoted before in an 
interview, where someone reported that 1 
said, “I like to drink and I like to brawl." 
That came back to haunt me їп а deposi- 
tion. The other guy's lawyer was using it 
So, did I shoot at the helicopters? 1, uh, I 
don't know 

PLAYBOY: But there’s a big smile on your 
lace. 
PENN: 


гиа а cir- 


[Chuckles] 1 don’t remember—on 
nds that it may incriminate me 


Vell, so you'll write that down. 


enough? Let me put it this way: I have 
never shot a firearm at anything I consid- 
ered to be a human life form. 

PLAYBOY: Can you describe the hell of the 
Madonna era? 

PENN: Hell is your word 

PLAYBOY: What's your word? 

PENN: | 
very uncomfortable for me to be in a sit- 
uation where there was so much [public] 
attention on nothing 

PLAYBOY: But considering Madonna's 
high profile, as well as your own earlier 
reputation, that couldn't have been a big 
surprise to you. 

PENN: You have to understand: When 
Madonna and I got together, she was an 
up-and-coming star. She was not a super- 
star; she was not an icon. She hadirteven 
gone on tour yet. And that tour, before 
we got married, didn't indicate to me the 


riod of insufficient peace. It was 


enormity of what was coming. But soon 
she became public property, and her hus- 
band-to-be was treated likewise. 1 knew 
lot of people who were bigger stars who 
had much more peaceful lives. My un- 
derstanding of the direction that Madon- 
ha was choosing was a misunderstanding. 
And the degree to which she would be 
choosing, and chosen for, such an intense 
spotlight was not something that 1 had 
seen in the cards, So that was a surprise. 
It was a big surprise 

PLAYBOY: When did the truth hit vou? 
PENN: I started to get the idea very short 


that heart thing that gets in- 


ly afier we were together, but by th 
there's 
volved. You don’t walk away so easily just 
because lite difficult 
And you don't know how long certain 
things are going to last. That might have 
passed 

PLAYBOY: You mean she could have been 
a flash in the pan? 

PENN: Or it could have just neutralized it- 
self. There's a very big difference be- 
tween her and just about anybody else 
you can name. I dont think anyone else 
is carrying around that sort of Beatles- or 
Elvis Presley-size persona, saturating the 
world. Sure, that was a surprise 
PLAYBOY: How did you feel about seeing 
your wife nude in this magazine? 

PENN; Well, at the time, she was very up- 
I don’t believe it should be 
1 to publish photographs of people 


somethi 


gisa 


set about it 
le 


without their approval. If they sign a re 
lease, that's another story. I don't know 
what Madonna did. 1 just know that the 
person 1 cared a lot about in my life at 
the time was very upset by the whole 
thing, so I wasn't pleased. But as far as 
the reaction of a husband seeing his 
wile's naked pictures published, I didn't 
care about that 

PLAYBOY: lt seems that when those pic- 
tures were published, she was a lot more 
private. Since then, she has really ex- 
posed herself in all sorts of ways. 

PENN: [Chuckles] 1 think she’s much more 


liberated now, doing the things that she 
likes to do. She's probably a much happi- 
er person 

PLAYBOY: Ultimately, why did the mar. 
riage crumble 
PENN: I can just say it ended. It didn't 
end without both of us, to the best of our 
abilities, giving it a scout’s try to make it 
work out. It just didn't work out. 1 guess 
we got to a point where we felt comfort 
able enough with the idea of not being 


together to split. 
PLAYBOY: That seems anticlimactic for 
such a at romance. 


PENN: In our eyes, it was just like any oth- 
er romance. Apart from all the fanfare 
that existed in the relationship, we didn't 
have a single tiny hule problem. diat 
hasn't been experienced by milli 
millions of people over and over again. 

PLAYBOY: But vou aren't like millions ol 
other people 
PENN: / was. 
but, yes, I was. Yes, Гат 


is and 


answer lor her 
Thar's all there 


1 wont 


is to it, 


Were there any hints at the be- 
hat things might go sour? 

PENN: Here's one thing that happened 
She had a soap-opera law firm that, from 
the beginning, was very concerned about 
her being married in the state of Califor- 
nia. However, Гоп по day on this earth 
am going to sign a prenuptial agree- 
ment, which I equate with a death war- 
rant on a marriage. Nor am I, under the 


T 


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PLAYBOY 


72 


worst circumstances, going to take a pen- 
ny of somebody else's. change. Those 
pressures came at the beginning, and 
they came like gangbusters at the end, 
‘This bunch of pathetic little doggy-poos 
were, in ellect, accusing me ol being 
some kind of a mooch. They found o 
otherwise. 
PLAYBOY: 
Madon 
PENN: I could have gone any way I want- 
ed. There's community property in Û 
fornia. There were reports in the press 
that I somehow extracted the house in 
M и. Check the public record: The on- 
[у things that we owned together were the 
two houses. She took one, I took the oth- 
Those were the only things that we 
both put up cash for; evervthing else 
separate and stayed separate. The reason 
1 bring this up is that those Kinds of 
ces became part of my daily life, 
use she had become a one-person 
megacompany, and all those people were 
on the telephone with her every day 
you're saying is that even 
before you two gor married, her handlers 
had bi and they wanted 
n't looking for 


ald have asked for half of 


ou c 
s for 


* That seems odd. Weren 
the bigger star at the time? 
PENN: Maybe for the first minute we were 
together. But that changed very quickly 


you 


PLAYBOY: Did she want you to sign the 
prenuptial? 
PENN: | don't want to get into what she 


wanted specifically. ГЇ just say that it was 
a bothei 
PLAYBOY: Wasi 
problem? 


PENN: [Chuckles] Really? Where did you 


nother 


your drinking 


hear that? Ме co down to 
specifies on these and they 
wouldn't answer it any because 


who's to say why any marriage doesn’t 

work, finally? 

PLAYBOY: Do vou think 
chance? 

PENN: No waay. Under the circum- 

nees of what happened with her? No 

way. But 1 wasn't conscious of it going 


ou two ever had. 


systems. 
PLAYBOY: One thing that seems clear 
a's latest round of inter- 
she's very down on men. For 


views 


instance, she was quoted in Newsweek а 
saying, “Straight men need to be eni 
culated. Um sorry. They all need to be 


slapped around. Every 
should have а man's tongue 


t least once.” 
PENN: [Laughs] 


* Madonna you know? 


PENN: It's her wit, y 

PLAYBOY: Is that wit or what she believes? 
PENN: Look, I'm not any better an expert 
on her than anybody else. I don't know 
her any better from having been with 
her. 1 was drunk most of the time, 
anyway. But whatever anybody thinks 


about what she does, she serves as a b 
liant reflection of what people respond to 
and what they want to see—on every level. 
In very complex ways and in very super- 
ficial ways. I find her statements like that 
pretty amusin 
PLAYBOY: Do you like Madonna, alter all 
is said and done? 

PENN: Yeah. 1 just don't want her living at 
my he 
PLAYBOY: When she did, did she do your 
dry 
Absolutely. [Laughs] 

PLAYBOY: We have to ask this, so help us 
What about the biggest т 
tied-up-Madoi 


out 


PENN: Don't forget the rest of it: And 
dressed her up like а turkey. After I read. 


what one would do to dress someone up 
е a turkey. And I nailed it. I figured 
you've got to get out the Playtex glove, 
blow it up and put the glove ove 
head. [Laughs] 

PLAYBOY: Is any of it 
PENN: 1 was looking 
when I read about it. At that point 
also a 
10 some of my 
1ces to tell them 


ivei 


c 


it was... a welcome fi 
great disappoin 
more perverse acquain 
ihat it hadni occurred. 
PLAYBOY: So you never tied her up? 
PENN: My biggest question is. Why didn't 
anybody ever ask her that? She can tell 
them that 1 didn't 
PLAYBOY: What did occur on that last day? 
PENN: A SWAT team surrounded my 
house and came in every door. But it 
happened because on the day that we 
split up, she developed a concern that if 
she were to r n to the hou she 
y severe haircut 
fou mean haircut of head һай 
think that's what she thought. So 
she took this concern to the local author- 
ities, who came back up to the house. She 
felt the responsible thing to do would be 
to inform them—since they were coming 
up there ostensibly to keep her from get- 
ting a haircut and to let her gather some 
adc 
were hr 
PLAYBOY: Iru 
PENN: Uh, yes. 
PLAYBOY: What were you doing when the 
cops arrived? 
PENN: Eating cereal. 
PLAYBOY: Did they slap you 
wall? 
PENN: No, th 
pretty decently, considering that they 
ght they were coming in to а volatile 
situation with fir 
PLAYBOY: What 
donna supposedly filed 


onal personal eflecis—that there 
ns it 


the house. 


nd then with- 


[Quichly] She never filed any 
ges at all. They didn't need a search 
rant to come in, because she was a co- 
owner of the house, Go down 10 the 
DA. office or call them up у 


charges. I was never arrested. 
introduce her to W 


N a. Madon- 
na, this is Warren.” [Laughs] 

PLAYBOY: Were you surprised that she 
took up with Warren after you broke up? 
PENN: I was zed to see such cleanly 
poetic justice occur. I couldn't have imag- 
ined a bolder cliché 

PLAYBOY: Now you're leading a new lite. 
living with Robin Wright and your 
daughter. Why is it working this time? 
PENN: We tend to speak the same lan- 
guage. Robin is a deeply caring person 
who spends very Ше time obsessing 
about her own crosses to bea 
PLAYBOY: What do you know about rel. 
tionships now that you didn't know when 
you were with Madonn 
PENN: I dont function on a check list as 
much as I used to. By the time 1 met 
Robin. my list of expectations had been 
put in the shredder 
PLAYBOY: What are you lookii 
PENN: I wouldn't be in the 
Tm in now if Robin were 
and didn't have a 
awareness in cert 
And I hope I give the s 
qualities have always been ative with 
any of the relationships I've been in. I 
wouldn't have had a child with Robin if 1 
hadn't thought that her resources as а 
human being weren't limitless. Not only 
for myself, because only God knows if a 
relationship lasts forever or not, but for 
the child's sake. 

PLAYBOY: You and Robin have yet to m 
тү. Did you plan this child? 

PENN: Г couldn't say that. [Smiles] Lets 
call it а happy acciden 
PLAYBOY: Whar is your role 
What's your philosophy? 
Wipe a lot of tushy, do a lot of 
ping. And when I look into her eyes, I 
try not to be a Bi: 
fou were there for the birth? 
Yeah. Cut the cord and evel 
thing. We had a Caesarean. I watched the 
surgeon put his arm halfway up inside 
her torso, through this hole in her gut 
She looked up at me and said, “Did the 
cut yet?” I said, "Oh, yeah, they cut. 
PLAYBOY: Alter the divorce and before 
meeting Robin, were you dating a lot 
PENN: I dated, but with only the most las- 
civious intentions. It took me a while to 
sort out what had happened before get- 
ething new 

fou must have been considered 
gible bachelor 

PENN: I've gotta be мау, way, way down 
toward the bottom of the list of studs who 
ever drove down Sunset Bouleva 
PLAYBOY: Couldn't you 
cause you wi і 
PENN: Well, I might have gotten chick: 
but 1 might have also said, “Geez, sorry: 
drank too much.” Туе used th: 


clationship 
vt challenging 
more heightened 


Those 


few times. И 1 aint comfortable with 
somebody, the plumbing aint gonna 
work. Ult ly, love is more important 
than anything. Love is thc only intcrest- 
thing. Love and compassion. Com- 
the word makes me 
feel good things. 1 grew up in a house 
hold very full ol compassion. I'm not хау. 
that it wasn't a judgmental household 
ome ways, but there was some kind of 
overwhelming bottom line, overwhelm- 
ing compassion, in my parents. 

PLAYBOY: Let's talk a bit about growing 
up. What are the significant moments ol 
your childhood? 

PENN: 1 grew up all over the San Fernan- 
do Valley, but when I was ten, I moved to 
the beach. I lived lor seven ye: it Point 
Dume. 1 spent most of my childhood 
surfing. So, y are waves that РИ 
never forget, Surfing was p 
People talk about how bad the Seventies 
and culturally; bar surfing 
was at its height in 
the Seventies. | define surfing, then, as 
an art form, It was truly about matching 
the energy of the wave. It was mony 
and there was poetry to it. There was а 
ıl aspect to surfing then. Now it's 
sport 

PLAYBOY: What happened? 

PENN: The Seventies were to surfing what 
rehearsals are to a play. Sometimes you 
get magic in a rehearsal because i's new. 
And in the Seventies, short boards were 
ition period and 
ever better, It was so fluid. 
essive, and it really rep- 
ke a mirror. 
ary sport. They're rip- 


Even sayin, 


pas 


rer then 


Now it's so 


resents our times. It's 


Surfing is 
ping these 
There was at 
surfer were intact and it was magic. 
PLAYBOY: Why did vou leave the waterz 
PENN: Hey, don't depress me. | dont 
want to think that I have left the water 
Not a day has gone by when I haven't 
said, “Gotta get back in the water.” I keep 
thinking that maybe tomorrow ГИ have 
the time to get out there and do that. HI 
were to suggest what to put on my tomb- 
stone, it would probably be SEAN PENN 
SURFER, DIED whenever I do. 

at was your school experi 


ible school espe 
gone to school. Lil 
missed a lot of opportunities 10 sec life 
during that period. 1 cannot resolve that 
ive to start thinking more 
se of just having I 
child whose time will come for edu 
But I can think of very few positive things 
about school. 

PLAYBOY: Right from the beginning? 
PENN: br ung. It was a 
sentence. It was hell. Bor- 
illy boring. Nothing that 
aside from a history class 
school. 1 had a history 
" who understood what it was to 
talk about Ме, a guy named Leonard 


merested me 
or | 


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PLAYBOY 


Vincent. He 
got one thing out of school, it vun- 
ning into him. But aside from that, 1 
can't think of one positive fucking thing. 
There wasn't one book I read I wouldn't 
have read on my own. 

PLAYBOY: А! least vou learned how to read. 
PENN: Schools sure don't teach you how 
to read—look at the illiteracy rate. My 
mother taught me how to read. 

PLAYBOY: What kind of trouble did you 
get into at school? 

1 call myself a delinque 
ically mastered the ditch 
y Iwas pretty invisible most of the 
sed those hours and worked 
› 1 not doing my homework. 
PLAYBOY: What did you want to be when 
you grew up? 

PENN: In elementary school, I wanted to 


meant rock hunting. In junior high 
school, I wanted to surf. That's the be- 
ring and end of that story. And in 
high school, | decided that the most in- 
teresting person around was F. Lee Bai- 
ley. 1 read The Defense Never Rests and his 
other book. and I decided that I was go- 
ing to continue Darrow's line. And that 
lasted until my se т. when I real- 
ized that my grades were not good 
enough to go to the law school of choice. 
Besides, Га had it with school altogether 
If 1 couldn't just go ош and prz 
1 would go out and be an actor. 
PLAYBOY: You've had a lot of friends, it 
seems, who are older men—Dennis Hop- 
per, Charles Bukowski. And vou dedicate 
The Indian Runner to the late Hal Ashby 
and the late John Cassavetes. What con- 
tributions have these men made to your 
Ше? Were they mentors 
PENN; You could construe some of those 
nen as mentors—inadvertendy. In fact, 
they are just friends of mine from whom 
Ive gotten a lot of inspiration and to 
whom I hope l've given some back 
are friendships where wisdom lies a li 
heavier in their hands than 
it's not someth 
makes their friendship into a comn 
and I don't want to treat it that way in 


in why you dedi- 
cated your film to Ashby and Cassavetes? 
PENN: Those two guys, probably more 
body else, made films that, to 
me, were provocative, personal, emo- 
tonal expressions. They made films in a 
more open way than many of the other 
people I respect. John wrote most of the 
ms that he directed. Hal Ashby's car 
era never announced itself. Hal Ashby 
They made 
udience for. 
nybody whose work represents 
who he is. Cassavetes was somebody you 
couldn't have an uninteresting conversa- 
tion with, Same thing about Hal Ashby 
And there wasn't anything, with either 
one of them, in which they didn't find an 
incredible degree of humor. And that 


ions in your life re- 
d of humor? 
rounding my 


cut somebody's hair off. I've got to tell 
you: The timing was amazing. Hal lived 
nearby, and he'd often come up and we'd 
play pool together. Later that afternoon, 
I was at a memorial for his passing. The 
only thing I could think of was how hard 
he'd have laughed. 

PLAYBOY: Did you go to them for words 
of wisdomz 

PENN: I hate words of wisdom. It's like 
people say to me, “Oh, it’s so good for 
you that you're directing now" How the 
ne? 


fuck do you know whats good for 


You don't even know me. Maybe it's good 
now, maybe it won't be later. Ashby and 
Cassavetes never said bullshit like th 
However, I did ask Chris Walken some- 
thing once, when life seemed like such a 
roller coaster. I said, "You're a bit older 
than me. Does it always stay such a roller 
coaster?” And he said, “It stays a rolle 
coaster. You just learn to enjoy the rid 
So I suppose if you want to quantify my 


"In elementary school, I 

wanted to be a geologist, 

which to me at the time 

meant rock hunting. In 
junior high school, 

I wanted to surf 


relationships with older men, it’s that 1 
ad people who are enjoy- 
ing the ride, however treacherous it 


ht be. I have ier time in the 


g to risk lile and are comfortable 
пр with the punches. And that's the 
fwst time Гуе really thought about thar 
PLAYBOY: Do you enjoy the company of 
men more than women? 

:1 find hanging out with the 
meditation. 1 hang out with guys 
comfortable not looking at 
> and not having me look back at them. 
ng if Em listening. 
n ralki Take all 


guys to 


ing when I 


Irs 
¢ being by yourself without 
being by yourself. When you're a well- 
known person, it's easier if you've got a 
couple of people around just because 
you're in conversation. And being with 
people I know already enables me to | 
be there, sec the world a little bit and not 
hide away in my house—which is what T 
would do otherwise. 


there. 


hore vou start 
alize when you're wasting vour t 
Everybody sits around on Friday night 
thinking, Oh, God, I've got to go c 
there and do this and that—and ther 
nobody out there. There isn't anything 
out there. 
PLAYBOY: What about wor 
PENN: Well. there's that thing vou can do 
with women that you can't do with men. 
There's a couple of things, there's a [ot of 
things! [Laughs] But there arent a lot of 
women who are comfortable when you 
pay them no attention. 
PLAYBOY: Do you believe in God? 
PENN: Well, vou know, there's a quote at 
the end of The Indian Runner; “Every 
child be comes with a message that 
God is not yet discouraged of man." The 
only thing that bothers me about that 
quote is the presence of the word God. 1 
wouldn't that I don't believe in God, 
but I dont bel П Christian God, 
and I don't be Jewish God. We 
won't talk about the ayatollah’s God, be- 
cause | don't want to have to wear а 
blond wig and get tit implants and hide 
in Mexico, 
PLAYBOY: ОК. Let's end where we bi 
Are you the same guy you used to bez 
PENN: It’s said that every seven years, 
you've got a whole new set of cells in vour 
body. And you've got a whole new set of 
experiences. So T still don't think it 
would be accurate to say Гуе turned my 
lite around. 1 think that lives float on the 
ocean. The swells come up and you go 
through lulls, and there’s ste 
1 don't know wh 
bring, and I don't look at yesterday as 
tragic. I've never had any kind of spiritu- 
al or physical rehabilita 
sure that Pve ever been dehabilitued in 
the first place. Ewould just say that in life. 
as in surfing, you take off on a big wave 
over a shallow reef, and vou find out il 


older you get, the 


ап: 


"s. 


tomorrow's 


wht take off out of 
Ка few times and get bashed in- 
to that reel a few times, and then at a cer- 
tain point you sav to yourself, Do I just 
need more practice on this reel or is this 
reef bigger than Lam? Should I just move 
over to the shoulder a little bit? So vou 
move over to the shoulder and Youre do- 
y just fine there, and all of a sudden, 
the botte ges and you've 
reef under you. Can y make 
Т don't know. 

1 do move over to the 
shoulder now and again. 

PENN: I move over to the shoulde 
nd again. But se we to the 
far side of the ree go 
chi on through it. 

PLAYBOY: Is this, then. Sean Penn's spirit- 
ual founclatic 


n cha 


ot a new 
har 


ne 


or noi 


netimes 1 


PENN: Can | repeat myself repeatir 
John Lennon? "I don't believe in Beatles: 
1 just believe in me.” 


El 


(©1991 SCHENLEY IMPORTS CO.. NY. NY 


Оп asummer evening in Scotland 
you can play golf ‘til well past ten. 

But please be advised, your round 
mustcome to a halt while the 


take their dinner break: 


78 


БОЛОР 


tuesday through saturday, from 
nine PM. to five A.M, my two 
blonde neighbors stripped to their 
smiles at a cruddy joint just 
off the expressway 


rıcnon br MARSHALL BOSWELL 


FOR A BRIEF PERIOD—sometime between 
graduate school and the rest of my 
life—1 lived next door to two strippers 
Which wasn't what they told me at first 
^ said one. 

п unbelievable drag,” said the oth- 
fou have no idea. 

I met them outside my apar 
about a week or two after I moved 
pair of vent-sharing women in the 
mid-20s, both blonde but otherwise in- 
congruous. 


s not so bad,” I told th 
hat I was talking about 
Trust us,” they said in unison, and 
fell to giggling. 

Rachel and Lesley. Cocktail waitresses. 
H you think about it, they weren't actu- 
ally lying all that much 
Tips. The tools of thei 
» where is this plac 


ng neighborly. “What's 
“Oh, you don't want to с 
Lesley assured me. 


Lesley was the bigger of the two 
Much bigger, actually. I admit that she 


ILLUSTRATION BY BRAD HOLLAND 


PLAYBOY 


terrified me, towering there in the 
grass behind my apartment. The sun- 
light gave her bleached hair a slick, 
lemony sheen. Easily 5'9", 5'10", she was 
п enormous girl, not fat so much as 
husky, her ample hips and thighs rip- 
pling as if an undulating current had 
been frozen underneath the skin. If 
women are ever admitted into the 
Lesley will make a terrific 
Nevertheless, she possessed 
pus masculine appeal—that and 
bsolutely stupendous set of tits 
st rate. In due course, I was to 


who, at the ripe age of three, was un- 
derstandably unaware what a disaster 
he had for a mommy, though I think he 
suspected. something. Rachel, on the 
other hand, struck me as both harmless. 
and alluring, in a crisp teenage way. 
Her Бай; in contrast to Lesley's, was 
aturally blonde, cropped at the neck 
and moussed into a gummy spike at her 
forehead. She looked like a hot high 
school number, cozy and suburban in 
cutoff jeans, bikini top and unbuttoned 
oxford shirt. Her fingers were jammed 
into the pockets of her shorts and she 
rocked back and forth on her stiff legs. 
1 have no doubt Rachel went through a 
horse stage: Um willing to bet her sport 
in middle school was gymnastics; she 
as the product of a quarter century's 
intake of diet soda and peanut butter. 
She was conventionally prey, her 
red only by a slight 
папіс underbite. 

“No, really." I persisted. “Га love to 
go. I'm new in town and I don't know 
nybody." In fact, Га been desperate 
for a reason to get out of my apartment 
and this seemed as good a way as any 

Rachel smiled at Lesley, as if waiting. 


pleasant face m 


further instruction: Clearly, old Lez 
here was the leader 
105 а sirip Бак” Lesley told me. 


“Were cocktail waitresses at a strip 
—nothing but creeps and low-lile 
scum. Spics everywhere, them your bas- 
ic greaseball jerks. Save yourself the 
trouble." She'd pegged me already. I 
was a safe bet. No way, she'd told her- 
self, is this guy the strip-bar type. Too timid. 
Too provincial. 

The lady had a point. I'm not the 
sirip-bar type. Then again, she was 
pathological liar. The facts went as fol- 
lows: Tuesday through 
ine PM. to five am—like noctu 
aries—Rachel and Lesley stripped to. 
their smiles at a place called Bouoms 
Up. located in southwest Homestead 

ght off the expressway. Basically, the 
place was а box and a parking lot; it 
had a lone front door and gratuitous 
cast-iron bars across its bricked-in win- 
dows. A bad place, to be sure, redolent 
with bad karma. Absurdly, it was sand- 
wiched between Blockbuster Video and 


just 


a Wal-Mart shopping plaz 

The sign out front guaranteed those 
brave enough to enter an ALL-NUDE KE 
yur. As if to underscore the sincerity of 
such a pledge, three silhouened элск 
performed a Dionysian jig inside а 
martini glass. In addition, root. and 
DARTS were offered as alternative attrac- 
tions in the event one grew bored (but 
how?) with the ALL-NCDE REVUE. I confess 
10 being stirred the first time I saw Bot- 
toms Up. I passed it every day to and 
from work, and as I am—sociologically, 
at least—white, Anglo-Saxon and Prot- 
estant, I experience a WASPish thrill 
whenever I am confronted with a rem- 
nant, however insignificant, of Сото 


there? I wanted to know. Were the wom- 
en really naked? Did they let you touch 
them? What were they thinking as their 


coursed through my brain twice a day, 
five days а week. 

And so 1 was more than a bit sui 
prised when, one п my wa 
home from work, Т espied my two love- 
ly neighbors dashing across the street 
en route to the forbidden la 

Wow, I thought, what a coincidence! 
Imagine running into them down here! 
were dressed casually—shoris, 
ns—and under thei 
ried overnight bags. For 
all the world, they looked as if they'd 
turned from the mall. 1 honked 
as I sped past, bur without so much as 
glancing my way, Lesley raised her arm. 
nd flipped me the bird. Just like that. 
At first I was unnerved, but then I 
quickly realized that to her, I was just 
another honker, simply one of an entire 
race of automotive rodents that no 
doubt riddled her otherwise placid ex- 
istence, 

I looked into my rearview mirror and 
caught а last glimpse of them as they 
sed the bouncer by the door and 
sauntered inside Bottoms Up, bags 
slinging. Cock and tail. Brick windows. 
root and parts. My mind raced and I 
put two and two together. Holy shit. 

° 

Two nights after I'd found them out, 
Rachel and Lesley asked me to help 
them move a couch into their apart- 
ment. It was a Sunday night, hot and 
muggy in that broad, persistent way of 
Florida summers. There was beer. We 
made a party of it 

“How's work?” I asked, not without 
some satisfaction. 1 imagined this was 
how parents felt when confronted with 
а child’s subterfuge. 

Man, I've gotta get out of that 
place,” Rachel said, handing me a Bud- 


weiser. “No shit, I'm serious 

“Oh, pipe down," Lesley called from 
the kitchen. “You're not going any- 
where, kiddo. 

Rachel rolled her eyes. 

We were sitting on the new couch, a 
lush blue sofa sleeper that Lesley and 1 
had somehow hoisted from the bed of 
her pickup. dragging it grunting and 
cursing down the hall and squeezing it 
through the deceptively narrow front 
door of their apartment. I was ashamed 
to realize that Lesley had frankly out- 
muscled me. Twice Ud dropped my 
end. Twice. 

"Why do you want to quit?” | asked, 
delivering the line as if Fd read it some- 
where. "Aren't you making enough? 

“Oh, Im making plenty,” she said. 
curling her shorts-clad leg into her 
chest. A smooth slope of underthigh 
widened into a buttock and then di 
peared into the couch. "It's not that. It's 
the people, Weirdos like vou wouldn't 
believe. Just sitting and staring. Get a 
life, you know? And they don't stare at 
your—um, at the dancer's face, or even 
her boobs. They stare somewhere else.” 

“No kidding?” I asked, sincerely curi 
ous. "Where do they stare 

Rachel looked at me coyly, fluttering 
her lashes. The gesture seemed to say, 
Take а guess ox, perhaps, Wouldn't you like 
10 know? I wasn’t sure. What I did notice 
was the slight smile tugging at her lips 
> she followed шу gaze: For the past 
two minutes, I had been openly gazing 
between her legs. 
hey stare at the pussy,” Lesley 
nounced, entering the room with two 
beers dangling from a six-pack ringer 
Evidently, they were both for her. She 
plopped down and fixed her gaze on 
me. “Innat what you'd look at, Davey 
boy? The old pussy?” 

Silence. Invisibly, the 
hummed. “Maybe,” I said. 

"Don't you know?" she 
ping open one of her Buds. “Or should 
I show you where the thing is located?” 

“Oh,” I said, forcing a smile, "I have 
a preuy good ide 

In a manner of speaking, I was get- 
ting my ass kicked. 

Coming to my Rachel 
stretched a leg across the couch and 
eked Lesley playfully. “Jesus, Lez, be 
cool.” 

“Oh, I'm just playing with him,” Les- 
ley chirped; her face aglow. "You know 
I'm just playing, don't vou, Dave?” 

In fact, Гн know she was playing. 
I didn't know that at all. But to let oi 
that I couldn't take a joke was surely to 
invite more of her invective, so I said, 
“Hey, man, of course. 

“Well,” Rachel said, “OK, then.” We 
all drank our beer. I wanted to stand up 
and say, Hey, fuck you, Lesley, OK? Just 

(continued on page 136) 


sked, pop- 


rescue, 


| it 
т | i 
TU UA Hi y Mut 
tu [Lt] DE К h 
H П y у 1 ҮП И, 


і } | ү IATA иг 
ШШ ШШ Hy ТШШ u 
T " ИТҮ bnt 4 

uti un АШИ ҮЛ 


“I know what you want, Howard! I can read you like a book!” 


8l 


la toya jackson's 
independence 
movement takes 
another 


daring turn 


TOU 


LaToya 


E Ае 


For this, her sécond Playboy pic- 
torial, Lo Toyo Jockson hos con- 
tributed pictures ond words—an 
excerpt from her new book. She's 
olso i us in o hot 900-number 
82 promotion. (Detoils on poge 175.) 


memoir By LA TOYA JACKSON 


Treea Last 


"VE BEEN ASKED a million times why I agreed to appear in Playboy in 
March 1989. Having grown up under the strict tenets of the [cho- 
vah's Witnesses, 1 have to confess that I approached the whole thing 
very naively. Originally, 1 agreed to be photographed fully clothed; 
but even then, I wavered on my decision and reneged on the deal. 

The funny thing is, I'd never really seen a copy of the magazine. 
Опе time, I looked at a piece it ran on the Jacksons, bur I didn't dare 
look at any of the pictorials, since reading a magazine like Playboy 
constituted grounds for immediate disfellowship from the Jehovah's 
Witnesses. 

Before posing, I looked through several issues of the magazine. I 
knew some of the women who'd posed nude over the years, and I ad- 
mired them immensely. Then it struck me, What is wrong with ap- 
pearing in Playboy? Why shouldn't I? | realized that my initial negative 
reaction hadn't been based on my true feelings but either on what 

the leaders of my church might think or on how my parents would re- 
act. What about what Г thought? 

That was one of the fist times in шу life when I made a decision 
based on what I felt was right for me. In fact, I was facing life on my own 
for the first time, having left home and the clutches of my overprotec- 
tive parents in the spring of 1988, less than a year before I met 
with Playboy. Still, my parents’ hold spanned thousands of miles, and 
they were wearing me down with their constant pleas and threats. 
I'd told them repeatedly that I was on my own at last, yet they per- 
sisted in asking when I was coming home to live. My mother and I 
had been extremely close. My father, Joseph, who was dictatorial 
and abusive, also served as my manager. The only way to escape his 
control was to leave home. 

The battle against my sheltered upbringing was difficult, compound- 
ed by constant criticism concerning the choices I was making on the di- 
rection of my career. In 1988, for example, after the release of my 
album You're Gonna Get Rocked, my sister Janet called to alert me that I'd 
been the subject of several family meetings. 

“About what?” 

“About the way you're dressed on your new album cover.” At one of 
these, I later found out, my brother Marlon defended me, saying, “I'm 
not attending any more of these meetings. It’s ridiculous. Let her live 
her own life. Why are you guys always trying to control her? Besides, the 
album's out. It's over and done with.” 

The controversial article of clothing was a rhinestone-encrusted 
leather brassiere-style top—provocative but hardly revealing by today's 
standards. Still, Jermaine was outraged, as was Mother. You'd have 
thought they had just come off the farm, with no idea that pop music 
and a sexy image go hand in hand. “La Toya,” Mother cautioned, “you 
have to be careful about the kind of pictures you take. Be really careful." 

I listened, my heart pounding, as 1 thought, Wait until she sees what's 
coming next. 

The Playboy connection was one of those crazy things. Had I not been 
confronting my new-found independence, I certainly would have 
turned down the magazine's offer. Discussions went on for months un- 
der utmost secrecy. You'd have thought the magazine was publishing 
Pentagon secrets. The project even had a code name: Toyota 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY STEPHEN WAYDA 


he photo sessions took 
place in New York in Novem- 
ber 1988. To ensure complete 
privacy, Playboy rented the 
Neil Simon Theater on Broad- 
way. From the beginning, I in- 
sisted that everything be done 
tastefully and artistically. In 
my mind, that still meant not 
showing anything. 

Stephen Wayda, the pho- 
tographer, had me pose for 
the picture that opened the 
layout, in which I have a finger 
raised to my pursed lips, as if 
I'm saying "Shhhh!" Well, m 
robe slipped down, exposing 
a breast. When I realized it, 
I thought I would faint on 
the spot. But when Stephen 
showed me the test Polaroid, I 
saw it wasn't so bad after all. 
The final day of shooting went 
very smoothly. 1 had the most 
fun when 1 posed with a 60- 
pound Burmese python. I love 
snakes and wanted to do a 
shot all covered with them. I 
was disappointed that there 
was only one; I'd envisioned 
six ог seven 

Once the magazine hit the 
newsstand, Arsenio Hall joked 
on TV that my breasts weren't 
real. Sorry, Arsenio. When I 
first heard his comments, I 
considered sending him X rays 
to prove him wrong. But then 
1 decided, Why give him any 
satisfaction? Besides, in the 
grand scheme of things, con- 
troversy over my breasts’ au- 
thenticity seemed pretty silly. 
(One good thing to come out 
of the pictorial: Speculation 
that Michael and I were the 
same person was permanently 
laid to rest.) 


rior to the publication date, I was contractually forbidden to disclose anything about the pictures to anyone, including 

my own family. I had to tell somebody, though, and decided to confide in Janet when she visited me in New York around 
Christmastime 
an, I'd really like to talk to you," I said. "It's important." 
Il, then, start talking," she snapped, without looking up from her coloring book We had been «o close, but Janet then 
lived at home with my parents. who remained unhappy and vocal about my declaration of independence and may have driv- 
en the wedge between us. 

“It's personal," I responded. “Can't we go into another room and talk privately? I hardly ever see you." 

“No, we can talk here." There were other people around, so I let it drop, somewhat hurt by her abruptness. 


87 


everal weeks before the issue hit the stands in January 1989, I phoned home. As изи- 
al, while I talked to Mother, Joseph listened in on the extension. We were having a pleasant 
conversation for a change, when suddenly he interjected, "Kate, tell her!" 

“Tell her what?" Mother asked innocently. 

"Tell her, tell her what you heard," he urged. 

“I didn't hear anything.” 

"You know what you heard, Kate!" Joseph said in annoyance. "All right, PII tell her. La 
Toya, I heard that you posed for the centerfold of Playboy. Did you?” 

"Of course not," I answered nervously. “1 would never do anything like that." 

"OK. You'd better be telling the truth,” he said, "because somebody said that they saw 
some pictures." 

“No, I didn't pose for the centerfold,” I said, which, ifyou wanted to get technical, was true. 

Janet called later to ask the same question. Again, I denied it. Then Michael phoned a 
few days after that. This was the one Га been bracing myself for, because Hugh Hefner had 
called to let me know that Michael had shown up unexpectedly at the Playboy Mansion, 


ostensibly to visit the exotic animals. Somehow, he had obtained photocopies of the layout; 
I knew they weren't from Hef. When my brother called, I guessed he might know some- 
thing, but I had no idea he'd actually seen the photos. 

We spoke for a long time without mention of the pictures. I couldn't stand it any longer. 
"I heard you were at Hef's house the other day,” I said. 

After a moment's silence, Michael replied, "Yeah. How did you know?" 

“They told me. What were you doing there?" 

"Just visiting." 

"Do you want to ask me something, Mike?" 

“Uh, no.” 

90 "Are you sure?" (text continued on page 158) 


N THE 
GRIP OF 
TREACHERY 


he killed his best friend. 

his partner ratted on him. 

his boss ordered his death. 
now nick “the crow” caramandi 
tells us what everyday life was 
like inside the vicious philly mob 


IN Mobster Nicholas “The 
Crow” Caramandi pleaded guilty to 
murder, racketeering and conspir- 
ing with a Philadelphia city coun- 
cilman (Leland Beloff) to extort 
$1,000,000 from a real-estate de- 
veloper. Since then, The Crow has 
been singing. He has lestified in 11 
trials, resulting in more than 52 
convictions. Not since Joe Valachi 
spilled ihe beans three decades earli- 
er has a “made” member done this 
much harm to "this thing of ours," 
La Cosa Nostra. 

Caramandi, 56, rose to become 
the right-hand man and top money- 
maker for Philadelphia's Nicodemo 

‘Little’ Nicky” Scarfo, arguably the 
most brutal and violent Mob boss of 
this era. 

Considering Scarfu's short reign, 
the size and "scope of his family's 
businesses throughout Philadelphia 
and south New Jersey were slagger- 
ing. At the time of the don's 1986 
indictment, the gang was raking in 
$25,000,000 to $30,000,000 an- 
nually just from illegal gambling 
(numbers, video poker, sports bel 
ting), and millions more from loan- 
sharking, shakedowns of drug 
dealers and various labor unions. 
Even bigger deals were in the mak 
ing: Scarfo was preparing to con- 
trol more than $200,000,000 in 
Philadelphia — waterfront-develop- 
ment projects, as well as to infiltrate 
the union benefits plans of Atlantic 
City’s bartenders and waitresses. 

By flipping, Caramandi trig- 

gered the fall of Scarfo, the only 
Mafa chief ever to be convicted of 


conversation with 


RICHARD BEHAR 


ILLUSTRATION BY MIKE BENNY 


94 


(first-degree murder, as well as the virtual de- 
‘struction of the entire Philadelphia family. Ca- 
ramandı's actions helped create a rash of 
double-dealing. Among those he ratted on was 
Scarjo's nephew Philip "Crazy Phil" Leonetti, 
who is now a key witness in the current trial of 
Gambino family boss John Gotti in New York. An 
account of the Philadelphia Mob, “Blood and 
Honor,” was published last month. 

A year ago, Caramandi was released from 
prison and he now lives far from Philadelphia 
with a new identity and a death sentence on his 
head. After meticulous planning, he agreed to 
meet secrelly with me in a hotel room in the South. 
Extensive follow-up interviews were conducted by 
telephone, with The Crow calling me from an un- 
traceable phone line. “Наш ya doin", buddy?” he 
would always begin, with a deep, gravelly voice 
that bespoke his shadowy past. 

Is todays Mob as glamourous as Hollywood 
likes to suggest? Well, it has its moments, but Ihe 
picture that emerges from talks with Caramandi is 
of a brotherhood of such blackhearted betrayal 
that it could hold its own against the late Roman 
Empire. From this snake pit of deceit and treach- 
ery that defined the Philadelphia Mob in particu- 
las everybody emerged as a loser—a loser who 


Fort Lauderdale, 1986. Some of the Mobsters 
ond some of the crimes they've committed: 
Front row center, with sunglasses, Chorles lan- 
nece (Nicholas Caromondi's partner). Behind 
him, with gold chain, Joseph Ligambi (a Nicode- 
mo Scarfo soldier, convicted of murder]. Top 
row, from left: Philip Leonetti (Scorfo's nephew 
ond underboss, convicted of RICO chorges, be- 
came o Govemment witness in 1989), Nicode- 
mo Scarfo (Philly Mob boss, serving life for 
murder), unidentified boy, Nicholas Milano (con- 
victed of murder), Francis lonnorella, Jr. Behind 
him, in sunglasses, Anthony "Pung" Pungitore 
(Scarfo soldier, convicted of RICO), Frank Nor- 
ducci, Jr. (Scarfo hit man, convicted of murder). 
In front of him, in sunglasses, Coromandi. On 
far right, top row, is Scorfo's son Mork, who, de- 
spondent over his fother's lifestyle, hanged him- 
self ond remains in o coma. e Above righi 
Coramandi (with cigarette] with Lawrence "Yogi" 
Merlino (former Scorfo capo). e Right: lonnece, 
Caramondi, Scarfo and Ligambi hit the beach. 


e have our own 
courts, our own 
sentences. We 
serve needs. Peo- 
ple come to us 
when they can't 
get justice, or to 
borrow money that 
they can’t get 
from the bank. 


If politicians, 


doctors, lawyers, 

entertainment peo- 
ple all come to us 
for favors, there's 
got to һе a reason. 


It’s because we're 


the hest. There 
are no favors we 


can't do.” 


had deluded himself into believing that he would 
somehow beat the odds. 


The FBI has been cracking down on the Mob 
during the past decade. Is this the beginning of 
the end? 


The FBI can't get out of their own fucking 
way. It's such a bureaucracy. This thing of 
ours, you can't kill it. 

Why not? 

It's the second government. We have our 
Own courts, our own sentences for people. 
We serve needs. People come to us when 
they can't get justice, or to borrow money 
that they can't get from the bank. Who the 
fuck is gonna stop us? It never dies. It's as 
powerful today as it ever was. It's just more 
glorified and more out in the open. 

How high in society does the Mob reach? 

If politicians, doctors, lawyers, entertain- 
ment people all come to us for favors, 
there's got to be a reason. It's because we're 
the best. There are no favors we can't do. 
Take this city councilman guy Beloff [sen- 
tenced to ten years for conspiring with the 
Mob]. Some guy was gonna run against him 
and he was a little worried. I said, "Don't 
worry "bout nothin’. Nicky said we'll kill 
the motherfucker the day before the elec- 
tion if we have to." He said, "Oh, thank 
God." He was tickled to death. He was re- 
lieved to hear that. 

So why did you squeal? 


It's an awful fuckin’ thing to get up there 
and point the finger. I loved some of those 
guys. It was only supposed to be a couple of 
them in the beginning, and then the Gov- 
ernment made me tell on everyone. The list 
grew and grew and grew because I was so 


valuable to them. The fuckin’ Government 
strips you, man. They really get their mon- 
ey's worth. 

What led to your arrest? 

The FBI had wired a partner of mine 
in the construction business for cighteen 
months. I was doing fifteen things at a time 
when I got pinched: shakin’ down drug 
dealers, hunting people to kill, taking care 
of Scarfo's businesses. We were moving into 
the unions in Atlantic City. 1 had about two 
hundred million dollars in construction 
business from the Philly waterfront coming 
my way. | had about a hundred fifty guys 


The scene is o Philly street near the clubhouse, 
1984. Chorles lannece is the man directly he- 
neath the awning. To the right are an unidenti- 
fied mon, then cames Coromondi ond, in front 
of another unidentified mon, John "Johnny 
Cupcakes” Melilli (a Scorfo family assacicte). 


workin' for me. I didn't want to be a fuckin" 
rat. I would never have turned, but in jail, I 
was getting bad vibes about Scarfo. 

What sort of vibes? 

"This lawyer in the jail library walks over to 
те and says, "You рог а problem." I said, "A 
problem? What do you mean, a problem?" 
He said, “It’s nothin’, nothin'." So I asked 
this inmate to get his lawyer to find out what 
this guy meant, and ten days later, he comes 
back to me and says, “You've got a problem. 
Scarfo turned on you.” And he made the 
sign of the gun with his finger and said, 
"This is for you." I figured the niggers in the 
jail would carry out the order. I was scared 
to death and I called the FBI and told them 
to get me the hell out of there. 

Why do you think Scarfo turned on you? 

He was a very vicious, very paranoid guy. 
He would turn on members all the time for 
no reason. You never knew where you stood. 
He was the kind of guy who would call meet- 
ings, get us all together for dinner and or- 
der double margaritas for everyone. They're 
deadly. Scarfo would use them to open peo- 
ple up, make them talk, sce what was on 
their minds. You get a guy loosened up, his 
true inner feelings come out. You know, 
all the hard-ons come out. And Scarfo knew 


was sick and tired 
of capos. They tried 
to kill me four 
times trying to set 


me up. Now, when 


you're with the 


boss, everyone’s 


scared of you, 


because you have 
the boss’s ear 
and nobody knows 
what you're 

sayin’ to him. The 
treachery in this 
thing of ours! 
Nicky once said, 
“We have the whole 
fuckin’ world 
against us. Why do 
we have to fight 


one another?" 


how to play guys that way. And he knew how 
to control his own booze. He'd drink Scotch 
and water and he'd keep cutting it. So you'd 
be bombed and he'd still be drinking. He 
could stay with you for ten, fifteen hours and 
not get drunk. That was his secret. 

Where did you fit into the family hierarchy? 

Until I went direct with Scarfo [became a 
right-hand man], me and my partner, Char- 
lie White [Charles Iannece, now serving 40 
years), had to report to two capos. They were 
two vicious motherfuckers. One was Faffy 
[Francis Iannarella, ]т., now serving life plus 
45 years]. The other guy was Tommy 
[Thomas Del Giorno]. Tommy's in the wit- 
ness-protection program. He's a stool pi- 
geon, too. These two birds, I watched them 
destroy so many people. They were very 
tricky and cunning. 

Faffy was the snake in the background, 
the instigator, but he never showed his 
hand. He's the guy who went to Scarfo and 
beefed on the guy who had sponsored him, 
and that was Chuckie [Salvatore Merlino], 
the underboss. Tommy used to try to draw 
me into punching Chuckie on different oc- 
casions, and had I done that, I would have 
been dead 

What did they gain by the back stabbing? 

What they were trying to do was hurt peo- 
ple within so that they could move up, which 
they did. Then Рау beefed on Tommy, who 
was his best friend, for his drunkenness and 
for getting into arguments with people. So 
they took Tommy down, and then Faffy had 
the run of the city. 

Did a lot of the bullshit stop when you became 
Scarfo's right-hand man? 

Eventually, me and Charlie got to be di- 
rect with Scarfo, so there were no capas we 
had to report to. Being direct is better than 
being a capo. A capo has headaches, worrying 
all the time about soldiers’ coming to you ev- 
ery ten minutes with problems, where I just 
go to the boss and have a free hand in ev- 
erything. I was sick and tired of capos. They 
tried to kill me four times trying to set me 
up. Now, when you’re with the boss, every- 
one's scared of you, because you have the 
boss’s ear and nobody knows what you're 
sayin’ to him. 

It sounds like you had to worry more about your 
oun members than other Mob families or even the 
Feds. 

Whew, the treachery in this thing of ours! 
Without rats, the FBI couldn't do anything. 
You know, Nicky Whip [Nicholas Milano] 
once said to me, “We have the whole fuckin’ 
world against us. Why do we have to fight 
опе another?” Nicky Whip is now doin’ life 
for murder. His brother, Gino [Eugene Mi- 
lano], testified against him. 

You said before that Tommy and Faffy, your ca- 
pos, tried to get people killed. How? 

One time, Tommy sent a guy into the 
neighborhood to buy oil to make meth [P2P 
for methamphetamine]. This guy says to 
me, “I hear there's oil around.” I said, “I 


95 


PLAYBOY 


96 


don't have no oil.” See, you could be 
killed if you deal drugs in the Mob. The 
next day, Tommy comes around and 
says, “Somebody says you got oil.” So I 
said, “Let me tell you something. Be- 
fore I would sell oil, Га jump otf a 
fuckin’ bridge.” So Tommy says, “Well, I 
just want to say that if you are, buddy, 
TI help and protect you." See, he's 
uyin to wap me. ГИ never forget the 
night Scarfo gave the order to kill 
Salvie [Salvatore Testa]. He was twenty- 
eight, at twenty-five the youngest capo 
of any Mob family in the country and a 
great kid. Tommy comes around to the 
clubhouse and says, "Boy, 1 gotta tell 
you what happened. Fafly really buried 
[betrayed] Salvie last night. And I 
helped. Ha, ha, ha, ha." He made the 
sign ofthe gun and said, "Salvie's got to 
go” and then asked me if I had any 
ideas. 1 said, “1 have a few ideas." 

Why did Salvie have to die? 

He had committed himself to marry- 
ing the underboss' daughter and had 
backed out at the last moment. 

You've got to be joking. 

No joke. It was the ultimate insult. 
But there was no good reason for 
killing him. I feel a lot of remorse about 
Salvie. We stalked him for eighteen 
months. 1 made seventeen attempts to 
kill him. I couldn't get close enough to 
him. His antennas were up and he knew 
he was in trouble. 

You guys always seem to run for the hills 
when you're marked. Why didn’t he? 

Well, he wasn’t that type of guy. This 
fucking kid was a real man. He didn't 
want to believe that Nicky would sell 
him down the river. As much as he knew 
the game, he didn’t know it that well. 
We finally killed him in a store and 
dumped the body on a road in New Jer- 
sey. And then, for months afterward, I 
uscd to wake up in the middle of the 
night screaming. I would wake up cry- 
ing and sobbing. 

What did you see in those nightmares? 

I'd see his body lying on the highway 
for hours and hours, with his arms and 
legs stickin' out. He had shorts on that 
day and we covered him with a blanket. 
That was awful. I went and bought a 
blanket at a JC Penney store, but it 
wasn't big enough. It took all night to 
clean the fucking store where we killed 
him. We had a clean-up crew go in 
there after. Then we had a clean-up 
crew just to clean the truck out. There 
was so much blood. It was just an awful 
fucking thing. 

Its unusual to hear a hit man express 
such sentiment. 

I think about him all the time. I was 
very close to this fella. 1 really, really got 
to like him. And he liked me. The guy 
was something special to me. 1 never 
was close to a guy like I was to him, in 
all my life. 


Was he like a son? 

Sort of. He was young, but he was so 
sharp and mature in so many ways. I re- 
ally miss him. He was all you could ex- 
pect in this business, and more. He was 
a tough kid. His father had been killed 
a long time ago, blown up on his porch 
with a bomb made of finishing пай. 

What was it like once you got back to 
Philadelphia after you killed Salvie? 

Well, there was a big fucking dinner 
at a fancy restaurant. We walked in and 
Scarfo asked if everything went ОК. I 
said, “Everything went OK. It should be 
оп the news any minute now.” Charlie, 
my partner, had blood on his shirt. 
[Laughs] He didn't even change his 
shirt. 

You also wound up killing your mentor, 
Pasquale "Pat the Cat” Spirito. Why? 

He had talked treason and that's 
what got him killed. Me and Pat were in 
a corner luncheonette drinking coffee 
for nearly four hours, and I'm talking 
him into believin' I would die for him. 
He had bad vibes. He said, "T trust you 
so much I would give my life for you." I 
looked him right in the eyes and said, 
"So would I, Pat. I love you. I wouldn't 
be here if itweren't for you. We've been 
through so much together.” I'm lying 
like a motherfucker. He's tryin’ to 
smoke me out and I'm just strokin’ him. 
Meanwhile, it's already set up to kill 
him the next day. 

How did you do it? 

We told him that we got word that 
Sonny [Mario] Riccobene, who we were 
all trying to Kill, would be at a certain 
restaurant. So Pat calls me six fuckin" 
times. "Do we have to go?" he asks. 
"Why nine o'clock? Why this? Why 
that?" Anyway, it's all set up. Pat's driv- 
ing. We go to Charlie's house, toot the 
horn. He comes out and puts the gun 
on the floor in the back. The plan is 
that we drive a few blocks and Charlie 
says he forgot his money. This was all 
psychology. We're just blowin' smoke. I 
5ay, "What do you need?" He says two 
hundred dollars and 1 hand it to him. 
We go to Eleventh Street and we tell Pat 
to pull over so we can give the two hun- 
dred dollars to some guy. Pat pulls over. 
Bang! That quick. The noise was so 
fuckin' loud. Bang! His head shakes. I 
jump out and the car is rolling because 
it’s still in gear. Big Charlie, who weighs 
two hundred pounds, can't get out of 
the back seat until we smash into a 
parked car. We run to a driver waiting 
for us, then go a few blocks and throw 
the gun into the street. In this business, 
you have to have a place to get washed, 
along with a change of clothes. We use 
vinegar on the hands and fingernails to 
get out the powder burns and blood- 
stains. 

What next? 

I went around the corner to a neigh- 


borhood Баг. Ordered a Scotch and 
water. Stood there waiting for the 
eleven-o'clock news. When it came on, I 
was cryin' about how they killed my best. 
friend. I made sure I had witnesses who 
said I was in the bar all night. 

Did you have trouble sleeping after that? 

No, we were just glad it was over. But 
now I feel bad about the guy. Nobody's 
life is worth taking. Today 1 feel bad 
about some of those unnecessary 
killings. You don't realize how precious 
a life is until you're in that position 
where youre gonna get killed and 
you'll do anything to survive. And lock 
what I did. I went on that stand twenty 
fucking times and it killed me. It wasn't 
easy. I went through hell at the begin- 
ning. My head was all fucked up. I 
couldn't cope with the disgrace of it. 

Before your arrest, did you ever feel that 
you were about to get killed yourself? 

Before I was made, when I was just a 
proposed member, we had been asked 
to kill Sonny Riccobene. We were stalk- 
ing him for about a year. One day, Pat 
the Cat came around to this Italian 
restaurant and said that Salvie [Testa], 
the capo, wanted to see me. I said, 
“What the fuck does he want to see me 
for?" He said, “I don't know, he wants 
to see you." I said, “Why me?" He says, 
“Well, he wants you to take him to that 
house where Sonny's girlfriend lives to 
have a look at ir." Т said, “So he wants 
Charlie, my partner, to go, too?” He 
says, “No, he just wants you.” So my an- 
tennas go up. It had taken us so long to 
kill Sonny, and I figured Pat the Cat was 
setting me up, blaming me for it. Now 
T'm scared to death. Why do I have to 
go? I start to argue with him. The para- 
noia's coming out. 1 give Charlie a look 
and I'm tryin’ to catch a vibe from him. 
See, you can't trust nobody, because it's 
usually your best friends who are gonna 
be the ones to kill you. 

So did you go and meet Salvie? 

I had to. 1 met Salvie and he says 
we're gonna take a ride to see this 
house. Т said, “Well, I might not re- 
member where it's at” He says, “Nah, 
you'll remember, let's just take a ride. 
Maybe it'll come back to you." There'sa 
guy with him, another proposed mem- 
ber, wearing a jacket. I figure there's a 
gun under it. Salvie says to me, "We'll 
take your car." There are four doors, so 
I go for the back door. And he says, 
"No, sit in the front." Holy Christ! So 
now I'm ready to break. I'm ready to 
run. I figured this was it. But if I ran, 
where the fuck was I going, anyway? So 
1 put it in my head that this is the end. 
1 get in the car. Nobody's saying much. 
And we drive to this house, outside 
Philly, for an hour and a half. I was 
sweating bullets. Any move that I 
caught I was going to dive out the door. 

(continued on page 104) 


Don't try to tell me you never so much as guessed that 1 
might be running this corporation!” 


97 


A 
4% 
EY 


N “+ шу; 
vee 


n^ 
Y 


~ lie 


MAIL 
SUPREMACY 


cash in on cotalog 


chic—and let your 
phone and credit 
cards do the 
walking 


fashion 
By HOLLIS WAYNE 


NSTEAD OF SPENDING your Sat- 
urdays tramping the streets 
in search of the latest styles, 

try letting the clothes come to you. The 

key is finding fashion catalogs to fit your 
tastes. Many catalog companies now sell 
the same designer labels that you'll find 
in top stores. Others manufacture their 
own lines. A few even specialize in hard- 

to-fit sizes. The King Size catalog (800- 

456-0337), for example, offers clothes 

for big and tall guys, while Wallaby 

Station (312-883-4477) is into styles for 

diminutive gents. And there are cata- 

logs, such as the one from J. Peterman, 
that combine exciting clothes with 
great accessories, such as the leather 


briefcase that's pictured in this feature. 


Left: A pig-suede baseball-style jacket, 
from the Eddie Bauer cotalog, about $200; 
worn with a denim banded-collar shirt, 
from the Norm Thompson catalog, $48; a 
cotton-knit sweat shirt, from The Territary 
Ahead catalog, $55; Perry Ellis America 
jeans, from the Spiegel catalog, about 
$50; and a leather belt, from The Territory 
Ahead, $39. (Her sweater and turtleneck 
are from 1, Crew mail order) Right: Anoth- 
er jocket that's on target, only this Avirex 
USA leather bomber model is from the 
Cockpit catalog, $420; and stone-washed 
jeans, from the Smythe & Co. catalog, $32. 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY LUCA BABINE 


100 


Catalog shopping is the 
way to go if time is in short 
supply and you're willing 
to pay extra for overnight 
delivery. Left, clockwise 
from the top: Harness- 
leother belt with sunray- 
motif buckle, from the 
James Reid catalog, $385. 
Suede rucksock with full- 
grain-leather base, from 
Eddie Sauer, $145. Soft 
deerskin gloves with re- 
movoble wool liner that 
con be worn separately, 
from the JCPenney catc- 
log, $60. Nubuck lace-up 
chukka boots by Rockport, 
from Norm Thompson, 
$92. Geometric alpoca 
crew-neck sweater, from 
The Peruvion Connection 
catolog, $220. Solar-cell 
watch with gold-plated 
setting stem, polished 
bezel, date calendar and 
leather strop, from Norm 
Thompson, $199. Tucked 
into the pocket of the 
rucksack ore a pair of Tas- 
co wide-ongle rubber bi- 
noculars with fold-down 
eyecups, from JCPenney, 
$60; and a pewter con- 
toured flosk, from the L.S 
Collection catalog, $75. 
Right: Suits and sports 
coots usually should be 
tried on in a store to en- 
sure the proper fit, but 
oversized jockets—c smart 
mail-order buy—are de- 
signed to hang loose. The 
guy at right is sporting a 
pleid wool-blend melton 
model with notched collar, 
from James River Traders 
cotalog, $85; with an 
Oakton cotton-chambray 
buttondown shirt, from 
the Sears catalog, $19; 
an alpaca five-button 
cardigon, from The Peru- 
vian Connection, $142; 
and burgundy cotton five- 
pocket jeans, from the 
Tweeds catalog, $36. (Her 
coat by Emporio Armani.) 


102 


Here ore п few тоге 
goodies 10 order, pronto. 
Left, dockwise from the 
top: St. John's Bay wool 
boseball-style cop with 
brushed-pigskin visor, 
from JCPenney, $20. M. C. 
Escher silk geometric tie 
ond silk butterfiy-print tie, 
both from the Flax art ond 
design cotolog, $28 each. 
Leather briefcase with 
brass-buckle closures and 
leather handle, from the 
1. Peterman catalog, $330 
Montblanc Diplomat foun 
tain pen with 18-kt.-gold 
two-tone nib, from the 
Fahrney's catalog, about 
$280. Solid-brass World 
War Two commemorative 
lighter, from the Harley- 
Davidson MotorClothes 
and Collectibles catalog, 
about $20. Stainless-steel 
digital watch, designed 
by Fleming 80 Hansen, 
from the LS Collection, 
$345. Combed-cotton po- 
lo swecter with ribbed trim 
on cuffs, hem and collar, 
from Tweeds, obout $40. 
М & Company's pocket 
watch with solid brass cos- 
ings, matte-black chrome 
h ond a matching 
nine-inch block pocket 
chain, from Flox art ond 
design, $200. And hor- 
ness-leather belt with 
sterling-silver rope buckle, 
from the James Reid cata- 
log, about $300. Right 
For a look at who's in in 
outerwear, there are sev- 
его! great cotologs to 
check out, including Eddie 
Bauer, Tweeds and J. Pe- 
termon. One of our favor- 
ite styles is this lambskin 
water-repellent jacket, 
from The Territory Ahead, 
about $700. (Her соо! 
and crew-neck sweater, 
both by Emporio Armani; 
and denim blue jeans, 
by Antique Boutique.) 


Where & How to Buy 
on page 171 


MAKE UP BY JOE MCDEVITPIERIE MICHEL HAIA STUNG вт GADRIELE VIGORFLLUPIERRE MICHEL 


PLAYBOY 


104 


GRIP OF TREACHERY | (continued from page 96) 


“Go get a .25, small caliber, and shoot him. If he 
dies, he dies. We're too old for baseball bats.’” 


My whole life ran in front of me as we 
drove. But it was a legitimate trip and 
in that case, I was worried for nothin’. 

Why were you trying to hil Sonny 
Riccobene? 

The guy we were really after was his 
stepbrother, Harry. We had told Sonny, 
“Look, you want to get on the right side 
with us, set your brother up. We'll take 
care of you and make sure that nice 
things happen to you.” Instead, Sonny 
turned around and told his brother. So 
we were goin’ to kill him, too. 

How could you expect him to finger his 
own brother? 

Well, it was said that he was such a 
blackhearted bastard that he might 
have gone for it. He wound up testify- 
ing against his own brother, anyway, in 
a trial, Now he’s in the witness-protec- 
tion program. 

You gave plenty of beatings to people in 
your time. Does it physically feel good to do 
that lo another person? 

Yeah, sometimes you get joy out of 
that. There's pleasure, you know. 
There's satisfaction. I mean, it wasn't 
that you'd punch a guy and knock him 
out and that was it. I mean, we'd hurt 
them. I mean, literally hit them with 
fuckin' anything you could hit 'em with, 
kick 'em, cut 'em. Guys lost eyes and 
ears. See, once you start, you can't stop. 
You're all psyched up, the adrenaline. 
You want to kill chem. You don't give a 
fuck if you kill 'em or not. We never had 
to worry about witnesses, because who 
was going to be a witness against us? 

What about the families of members who 
gel wiped oul? Aren't they ever willing to 
come forward? 

Never. One time, a friend stabbed a 
guy, Ralph, who was with me on my 
step. So I bring him into the house, 
three o'clock in the fucking morning. 
My friend had put a big kitchen knife 
right down in Ralph's shoulder blade. 
Ralph's dying. He's sittin’ at the table, 
sayin’ he's gonna go home and get a 
gun to kill him. I say, “Ralph, you can't 
do it, he's a friend of mine, you gotta 
forget it." All of a sudden, my feet are 
wet. I look down and sce all this blood, 
and then I see the blood shoot up to the 

iling, а nine-foot ceiling. He's bleed- 
1g to death! I get him to a hospital and 
he's being given his last rites by the 
priest. I go to see his wife and tell her, 
"Look, whatever happens, you got to 
say that two niggers tried to rob him 
and stabbed him and ran away." Now 
she knows who did it. But she under- 


stood that she had to say nothing. 

Did you ever slam people around for the 
hell of it? Just to throw your weight around? 

Some guys do that. Every night, 
there was a fight somewhere. Say a guy 
is sitting in a chair in a joint and there's 
no place to sit. “Get the fuck up,” and 
just chase the guy off the chair. The 
younger kids would bust up joints and 
the next day, we'd have to go over and 
explain it. I was a little too old for that 
bullshit myself. All I had to do was tell 
these kids, go into this joint and wreck 
it and that was it. 

Would you hurt a person who was not in 
the Mob just for being rude to you? 

If some guy got fresh, sure, we'd 
knock the shit out of him. We were on a 
street comer once in Philly, it was a real 
hot summer day and we had the fire hy- 
drant open. Some kid, about twenty, 
speeds up in a car, turns real fast and 
splashes me. “Hey, you motherfucker!” 
Tyelled. He speeds up and then parks 
on the pavement. “Oh, so the cocksuck- 
er lives there.” So now six of us go run- 
ning toward the house. bust the fucking 
door down, drag the kid out and start 
banging him around. Now, the mother 
is upstairs fucking—this is a funny 
story—she's upstairs fucking her boy- 
friend. The boyfriend comes out of the 
house to find out what happened and— 
bing, bing, bing, bing—my friends half 
killed him. Just left him in the street. 
The kid, they already buried him. Now 
the mother comes out screaming and 
they are gonna hit her. 

It's not wise to have a bad attitude around 
you wiseguys. 

I went with a partner to see this drug 
dealer one time. I said, “You gotta pay, 
kid." He said, "No, I don't pay gang- 
sters." I said, "You got a bad fucking 
attitude.” Now, I'm thinking, For a 
fucking guy to think like this, he's got a 
gun, this kid. I said, "You motherfuck- 
er, you got a gun, ain't you?" As soon as 
I said that, he went for it and we 
bopped him. We dragged him into a 
clothing store and left him for dead. We 
hit him with sticks, kicked him and 
busted his face with the gun. He didn't 
have a chance. We left the kid in a pool 
of blood. They called an ambulance 
and nobody in the store, which was 
wrecked, said anything. We kept the 
gun. Another time, a bouncer busted 
the nose of my partner Charlie's kid. 1 
had had an incident with this bouncer 
once before, so we went to Scarfo and 
said, "We want to hurt this guy with 


some baseball bats." Scarfo said, "Fuck 
them baseball bats. Go get a .25, small 
caliber, and shoot him. If he dies, he 
dies. We're too old for bats." 

What would, say, an upscale civilian do if 
he wanted someone's face broken? How does 
someone find the Mob? 

Irs everywhere you go, but if you're 
not looking for it, you're not gonna see 
it. We don't go out there and wave fuck- 
ing flags, уси know. Someone you know 
could know someone who's an associate 
of the Mob. He might say, "Look, I got 
a friend with a problem. Can I get some 
help?” And the associate will go and talk 
to a soldier. I’m sure if you asked hard 
enough, you'd come up with somebody. 
If it came to me, maybe I'd want to talk 
to you about your problem. Then I'd 
tell your friend to tell you we'd take 
care of it. We'd do the favor. I probably 
wouldn't directly tell you anything. 

What's it gonna cost me? 

Nothing. We don't get paid to do 
things. Thar's greed. Maybe you'll send 
me a case of whiskey or champagne. Or 
maybe you'll owe me a favor. By that 
time, I would know all about you. 
Somebody might come and see you 
someday. 

What if I'm tco scared lo return the favor? 
Do I end up in cement? 

That's just Hollywood bullshit. I 
wouldn't put you under any kind of 
pressure. We don't do things like that to 
legitimate people. It would be a noth- 
ing favor, you understand? It wouldn't 
be a heavy-duty favor. Say you were in 
the rug business and you could give me 
a cheaper price, or you could give 
somebody I know a job. 

You mean you might beat the living shit 
out of someone I hate and all you might 
uant in return would be a discount on some 
carpeting? 

Yeah, if it presents itself. Maybe you'll 
never return the favor. There’s no obli- 
gation. 

Tall us how you grew in this business 

I left school when 1 was fifteen and 
went to work to help support a younger 
brother, to help my mother out. I got 
married early, had two boys and left 
them when they were three, four years 
old. I hung around on the corner with 
older guys, neighborhood toughs. I 
stole, I flimflammed, sold drugs. I did 
everything you could possibly think of 
in the way of crime. [ was always an- 
gling. My nickname was The Crow—a 
shrewd bird. I made a career out of sell- 
ing people things I didn’t have, because 
greed blinds so many. You know, you 
can't cheat an honest man. And the bet- 
ter quality of dishonest people you deal 
with—people like doctors, lawyers, pro- 
fessionals—they're easier to rob, be- 
cause they're greedy and they don't 
have the street mentality to spot a 

(continued on page 162) 


d-up werewolf mooning at the bay again!" 


“Oh, no! It’s that stupid, mixe 


105 


106 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY STEPHEN WAYDA 


miss november, tonja christensen, 
nurtures a career in catalonia 


A BLONDE IN BARCELONA 


LONDE, BLUE-EYED and gutsy Tonja Marie Christensen, who just turned 20, 
has come a long way in the past two years—5800 miles, to be exact, the 
distance from West Valley City, Utah, a sleepy suburb of Salt Lake City, to 
cosmopolitan Barcelona, Spain's second largest city. There, while the 
Catalan capital gears up for the 1992 Olympics, she's diligently pursuing 
a dual career in modeling and acting. “I think I've grown up a lot in the past 
two years,” she says. “For one thing, I've learned that there's a lot more to life 
than slinging burgers." That's what Tonja did for three and a half years at 
Scotts, a fast-food place back in West Valley. Our Miss November was one of nine 
children, an example she doesn't plan to follow. "I believe families should be 
three or four children at most," she says. For herself, being part of such a crowd 
gave her more freedom than most young girls enjoy: “Nobody was paying much 
attention to what I did." What she dic, finally, was take off for Europe at the age 
of 18 with a casual friend named Eric and a photographer they'd met through 
a modeling agency in Salt Lake. "He told us that Spain was a good place for us 


щщ к 297. 
к 8 ШИ 


One thing about being a madel in Spain—especially one with long blonde tresses—is that the more misguidedly macho 
members of the male population keep hitting on you. To some extent, that has been Tonja Christensen's experience. Per- 
haps we should warn those hombres about her karate technique. Still, she loves being in Barcelona, where her career highs 
have included a position on the cover of Playboy's Spanish edition (above) and work in television and print advertising 


to get into movies and modeling,” she ex- 
plains. “So we went with him, landed in 
Amsterdam and bought an old car. It took 
us a month to drive to Spain.” Travel can 
be hazardous to a relationship, and the car 
trip tested their patience. They survived, 
though, and Eric's now her best friend, the 
man she expects to marry eventually. They 
share an apartment above a bar in the re- 
sort town of Sitges, near Barcelona, “with a 
view to kill for—the beach is right in 
front." It took Tonja a while to adjust to 
her new surroundings. “I had to learn 
Spanish from scratch. I'm fluent now. I^ 

also had to learn quite a bit of Catalan." 
Language isn't the only cultural difference 
between Sitges and Salt Lake: “It's normal 
to go topless on any beach here. I don't, 
though. I guess I'm too American.” Tonja 
is pleased with the career strides she has 
made overseas. Among her credits: the 
cover of Playboy's Spanish edition; publici- 
ty work for Pioneer electronic equipment; 
an episode of the TV series Dark Justice, 
which is filmed in Barcelona; a video for 
singer Miguel Rios; and several commer- 
cials for Spanish television—notably, a 
popular one for Sanyo VCRs, for which she 
spent ten and a half hours being made up 
to look like a robot. But she’s not staying in 
Spain forever; she plans to return to the 
U.S. when this issue hits the newsstands. 


"To me, the most important thing in a relationship is honesty," Tonja says. "Most of the time, it hurts. 
5 the only way fo be with another person." Seriously, who could look into these eyes and lie? 


PLAYMATE DATA SHEET 


tral 
HEIGHT: ZZ” mr: /08 _ 


BIRTH DATE: olaj _ BIRTHPLACE: dalt date lidy Utah 


44 СИА ata 
'AVORITE AUTHOR: 


FAVORITE MOVIES: 7, И Inga: и ИЛИ! | 


I'M PARTICULARLY WILD ABOUT: 


PLAYBOY'S PARTY JOKES 


Boy, am I glad to see you guy 
businessman told his two friends, one a psychi- 
atrist, the other a lawyer. "I need advice from 
one of you and may well need the services of 
the other." 

“What's going on, buddy?" the lawyer asked. 

"Well, I think I made one of those Freudian 
slips this morning," he replied. 

“Oh?” the shrink said. “What do you mean?" 

“Twas sitting across the table from my wife at 
breakfast and what 1 meant to say was, ‘Honey, 
would you pass the sugar,’ but what came out 
instead was, "You bitch, you've really fucked up 
my life.” 


Why does a lawyer display a copy of his cer- 
tification on the dashboard of his car? So he 
can park in handicapped zones. 


Апет hours of tracking, a hunter finally spot- 
ted a huge bear, took careful aim and squeezed 
oll a shot. At the spot where the carcass should 
have been, however, he found nothing. The 
hunter felt à tap on his shoulder, turned and 
was face to face with the bear. 

“I'm sick of you guys shooting at me," the 
bear said. “Now drop to your knees and blow 
me or I'm gonna maul your face off.” 

The hunter reluctantly did as he was told. A 

week later, he bought a bigger gun, returned to 
the same spot, sighted the same bear and fired. 
n, no carcass. Again, a tap. "You know the 
“On your knees.” 
› trated hunter bought an ele- 
phant gun and went out once more to stalk the 
bear. Getting the animal in his sights, he pulled 
the trigger. While searching for the body, the 
hunter felt a tap on his shoulder. 

“Tell me the truth,” the bear said with a sigh. 
“You're not in this for the hunting, are you?” 


Have you heard about the new Shirley 
MacLaine condom? It’s for men who keep 
coming back to life. 


Why do brides smile when they walk down the 
aisle? Because they ve just realized they ve giv- 
en their last blow jobs. 


General Norman Schwarzkopf was viewing 
the battlefield in the aftermath of Desert Storm 
when he kicked something in the sand. Upon 
closer inspection, he noticed it was a lamp and 
began to rub it. Out popped a genie who of- 
fered the general one wish. General Schw. 
kopf pulled out а map of the Middle East 
and said, "I would like to have peace for this 
entire region." 

"Sorry," the genie replied. "That is impossi- 
ble." 

Schwarzkopf folded the map and began to 
walk away. “Hey, wait a minute!” the genie 
called. ^You can still have a wish." 

The general thought for a moment, then 
said, "OK, I'd like to see the Denver Broncos 
win the Super Bowl." 
the genie pondered. "Let me see 
n. 


There's a cannibal who loves fast food. He or- 
ders pizza with everybody on it. 


A barroom customer who had been guzzling 
beer all evening without once visiting the men's 
room finally slid off his stool and lurched to- 
ward the front door. At the curb, the drunk 
unzipped his pants and prepared to relieve 
himself 

“Hey, pal," a nearby cop hollered, "you can't 
do that in the street! 

“OF course not, Officer,” the fellow replied, 
making an arching gesture toward a vacant lot 
across the street. "I'm gonna do it wayyyy over 
there.” 


Heard а funny one lately? Send it on а post- 
card, please, to Party Jokes Editor, Playboy, 
680 North Lake Shore Drive, Chicago, Illinois 
60611. $100 will be paid to the contributor 
whose card is selected. Jokes cannot be returned. 


"Pay no attention. It's just part of the neighborhood watch.” 


ng 


Mo ATA A 


direct from the home office in walla walla, 
another helping of late night laughs 


| at. Bemus stanc сино IN Јо GARAGIOLA'S PANTS. | 
MEAE ر‎ PELA AG 


Bun» HYDROELECTRIC рам то UTILIZE нон OF spit 4 
он New York Cir STREETS. 
РИ 
í 1 da COLD-AND-FLU SEASON, USE FOREHEADS: 
_ © FEVERISH YOUNGSTERS TO WARM DINNER mous. 
r 7. y & ^ 
7 Jackie. ER, THOUGHT TO BE. HOARDING vast RESERVES 
| OF SOFT COAL IN HER East Swe APARTMENT, | 
2:5 E СЕ: ' 
y Pur CURLY ON A TREADMILL; STUFF BEEHIVE IN HIS PANTS. 
° >” d PAL 
Mare USE OF STEAM THAT comes our or Quavue's. EARS 
: О ММЕН HE TRIES то ро LONG DIVISION. 
MM < 
` BIG, FRIENDLY BIRDS. 
Ir ET 3. — | 
Tap MEGADOSE or RADIATION GIVEN OFF BY uc 
сылу КАНӘ Late Монт PROGRAM. 
ا‎ P 
_ How asour SUPERMAN GETTING OFF HIS ы? 
: 1. 


| TOP TEN NEW SOURCES OF ENERGY 274 


. David 
Letterman 
ond the 


^. HARNESS THE SEXUAL TENSION BETWEEN MACNEIL AND LEHRER. 


] 


- By 


staffof | 


Lote 
j Night | 


| 


JOHN SUNUNU'S 
TOP TEN ETHICS 
VIOLATIONS 


10. 

USED MISSILE CRUISER TICON= 
DEROGA TO PICK UP CARTON 
OF LUCKIES FROM NANTUCKET 
7-ELEVEN. 

9. 

Usep CIA TECHNOLOGY TO BE 
104тн CALLER AND WIN PARTY 
WEEKEND WITH TESLA. 

8. 

ALTERED DRIVER'S LICENSE TO 
JOHN “Sunoco” AND TRIED 
TO GET FREE GAS. 

7. 

BORROWED FONZIE'S JACKET 
FROM SMITHSONIAN FOR 
HALLOWEEN PARTY. 

6. 

HOCKED ORIGINAL DRAFT OF 
CONSTITUTION AT BETHESDA 
PAWNSHOP TO BUY A PAIR OF 
GOLF SLACKS. 

5. 

Hap PRESIDENTIAL HELICOPTER 
FLY LOW OVER YARD TO TRIM 
HIS HEDGES. 

4. 

HAD QUAYLE WASH HIS CAR. 
3. 

SNEAKING DOWN TO WARE- 
HOUSE To EAT GOVERNMENT 


MIDNIGHT LAP PARTIES AT 

THE LINCOLN MEMORIAL. 
1. 

ACTING WEASELLY IN GENERAL. 


09909900990900999909009000000090009909009000590900000590008990900000000009909000000009009€9 


TED KENNEDY'S TOP 
TEN PARTY TIPS 


10. 

HAVING A SON OR A NEPHEW 
AROUND 1$ A GREAT ICEBREAKER 
WITH THE YOUNGER BABES. 
9. 

FLAMING TUMBLERS OF SAMBU- 
СА KEEP AWAY THE 
MOSQUITOES. 

B. 

PRETENDING TO LOSE A CON- 
TACT LENS 15 A TERRIFIC WAY ТО 
LOOK UP SKIRTS. 

7. 

MAKE SURE COCKTAIL NAPKINS 
HAVE LIABILITY WAIVER ON 
THEM. 

6. 

WAKE UP THE KIDS AFTER MID- 
NIGHT FOR JELL-O SHOTS. 
5. 

Mix CHIVAS AND ULTRA SLIM- 
Fast: GET DRUNK AND 
LOSE WEIGHT. 

4. 

Two worps: Wanc Снимс. 
3. 

Invite SUPREME Court Justice 
DAVID SOUTER—THAT GUY 15 A 
PARTY NUT JOB. 

2. 

Buty Dee WiLLIAMS was 
RiGHT: Corr 45. 

1. 

TAKE OFF PANTS. 
MINGLE. 


PARANA O OOOO O 


TOP TEN 
AMISH SPRING- 
BREAK ACTIVITIES 


10. 
DRINK MOLASSES TILL YOU 
HEAVE. 

9. 
WET-BONNET CONTEST. 
8. 

STUFF AS MANY GUYS AS YOU 
CAN INTO A BUGGY. 

7. 
BUTTERMILK KEGGER. 
6. 

BLow PAST THE DAIRY QUEEN 
ON A REALLY BITCHIN” CLYDES- 
DALE. 

5. 

Сет TATTOO BORN ro RAISE BARNS. 
4. 

Cruise STREETS OF Fort Lau- 
DERDALE SHOUTING INSULTS 
AT PEOPLE WITH ZIPPERS. 

3. 

SLEEP IN UNTIL SIX a.m. 
2. 

Drive OVER TO MENNON- 


ii lc: ba | TOP TEN REASONS NEW YORK CITY WOULD 
BE A GOOD PLACE FOR THE OLY! 
AUDITED BY THE IRS 2 2 MICE. 
’ 10. No SHORTAGE or STARTER PISTOLS. — 
9. ALREADY HAS cure mascor—Lou THE Giant Rar 


j 8. New Yonk YANKEES SET THE TONE FOR AMATEUR ATHLETICS. 


10. USING ONE OF THOSE Love 


STAMPS FOR POSTAGE. 


7. EYERNAL FLAME CEREMONY ENHANCED BY 
GAMBINO FAMILY DON. 


MILELONG PARADE or. ARSONISTS. 
8. FILLING OUT THE FORM 


6. Wouto GIVE CITY'S CABDRIVERS CHANCE TO CHEER FOR THEIR 
USING THE NAME Dick HERTZ. = " 
` HOME | COUNTRIES ш PERSON. 
7. CALLING IRS HOTLINE AND 


y Be Excirino NEW EXHIBITION SPORT: TURNSTILE JUMPING. 
OFFERING OPERATOR $1.50 


. 
M 

. 

е 

• 

° 

° 

M 

M 

9. FILLING IN OCCUPATION AS * 
• 

M 

M 

• 

° 

M 

: ` 4. EXTRA TRAFFIC EASILY HANDLED BY ems 

A re = _ CLEAN AND EFFICIENT MONORAIL SYSTEM. 


мате ore Hires 3. PLENTY OF ROOM FOR OUT-OF-TOWN | 


NE VISITORS Ar LETTERMAN'S PLACE. 


AS A DEPENDENT. Е 2. Fun FOR OLYMPIANS TO COMPARE NECK 
5. ÍN LIEU OF PAYMENT CHECK, : BURNS WHERE GOLD MEDALS ‘USED TO BE. | 
INCLUDING HANDWRITTEN — 1. Hupson River PRACTICALLY MADE 
COUPON GOOD FOR ONE : _ FOR SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMING. 
"SUPERDUPIR" BACK RUE ° vob TEN CHANGES IN THE MUSTANG RANCH 
4. SENDING IN PIZZA CRUSTS ° WHEN iT WAS OWNED BY THE GOVERNMENT 
INSTEAD OF RESTAURANT = 
Н 10. AIR BAGS INSTALLED IN HEADBOARDS ОР ALL ВЕР5. 
Мет»; s 9. POPULAR “WHIPPED CREAM” TREATMENT 
3. WRITING OFF PURCHASE OF = USED GOVERNMENT-SURPLUS CHEESE. 
Tiro JACKSON ALBUM AS $ 8. A SIMPLE HALF-AND-HALF SUDDENLY INVOLVED 
CHARITABLE DONATION. : HOURS OF PAPERWORK. 
2. CLAIMING HOOKERS AS $ 7. CHIPPED BEEF ON TOAST. 
TROP :6. MARION BARRY ONCE AGAIN INTERESTED IN GOVERNMENT WORK. 


Б. EASYGOING, LOW-PRESSURE ATMOSPHERE MAINTAINED 

1. REQUEST FILING 

BY EXPERTS FROM POSTAL SERVICE. 

т 

EXTENSION FOR "UNTIL 4. ETCHINGS OF NAKED WOMEN REPLACED 
BY CLOWN PAINTINGS BY GERALD FORD. 

3. NAME CHANGED 10 Fort Dix. 
2. MAIN GATE MARKED BY GIANT BILLBOARD 
OF PANTSLESS UNCLE Sam. 


1. T-SHIRTS IN GIFT SHOP SAID 1 cor SCREWED BY 
THE GOVERNMENT. 


TOP TEN BUSINESS AND BANKING TIPS 
FROM NEIL BUSH 

10. DEMAND TWO PIECES OF I.D. BEFORE LENDING A GUY 
$100,000,000. 
9. BUSINESS CARDS SHOULD INCLUDE NAME, ADDRESS AND [Ў 
PHRASE MY DAD'S THE PRESIDENT. * 
8. READ MY LIPS: CHEAT ON TAXES. 
7. HAVE OLD MAN CALL TACTICAL NUCLEAR STRIKE ON NEW BANK 
ACROSS THE STREET. 
6. Ask DAN QUAYLE IF HE HAS TWO TENS FOR A FIVE. REPEAT 
UNTIL RICH. 
5. WHEN SOMEBODY PAYS YOU TO REPAVE HIS DRIVEWAY, 
JUST USE BLACK PAINT. 
4. SLUGS USUALLY WORK IN WHITE HOUSE CONDOM MACHINE. 
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124 


A PLAYBOY 
SPECIAL REPORT 


Every six months, we hear about drought, famine and death in Africa. 


The press covers the story for three weeks, charities launch relief missions 


and angels of mercy take wing. Yet absolutely nothing changes. 


Here's why the tragedy recurs and how it can be stopped. 


article By DENIS BOYLES 


SIX YEARS AGO, I was riding in a cargo plane 30,000 feet above 
the conflict in Angola. My companion was a bleary, hung- 
over Swedish pilot who was hitching a ride back to Europe. 
Below us, roads cut into fertile red soil and outlined fields 
of rich green. From five miles up, there were: no signs of 
bombed bridges and burned-out schools, part of the mayhem 
and massacres that had plunged a nation into poverty and 
famine and had, in the span ofa decade, claimed hundreds of 
thousands of lives. As Angola disappeared into the lush 
reaches of Zaire, the pilot turned to me and imparted a bit of 
drunken wisdom: “The higher you get, the better it all looks." 

From a distance, the continent does look promising: rich 
resources, fertile land, great potential. At 
ground level, though, the view is every- 
where blocked by failure. In most of 
Africa, there is no commerce, no educa- 
tion. no decent government, no johs, no 
future, no money and no hope. But most 
of all, there's no food. Africa, once a ma- 
jor food producer, is now known primar- 
ily for one thing: famine. 

Hideous tales of politics, rhetoric and 
death in Africa are so familiar to us that. 
we have come to resent their constant 
presence. Once, if I had told you there 
was a famine in Africa, your likely reply 
would have been "What can be done to 
help?" Now, with some justification, it 
would be “What, again?” 

But the current plague of hunger has 
concrete causes and human culprits, 
which is why Africa Watch calls it "an en- 
tirely man-made disaster." That is where 
we'll find whatever faint opportunity may 
still exist buried amid the hopelessness 
that is Africa. 


. 

In 1986, a flamboyant UN relief work- ) | 

er, Staffan de Mistura, told a journalist 

that "to die of hunger, it takes you three 

months. So we have three months to work with." That's the 
good news. The bad news is that three months—enough 
time, afier all, for a man to travel by foot from Ethiopia to a 
good restaurant in Paris—is not enough time to deliver gro- 
ceries to the starving people of Africa. The reasons for our 
inability to do so are depressingly simple. 

First, le's dispense with the usual suspect: drought. 
There's plenty of rain in Liberia, where most citizens are 
caught in cross fire between their own countrymen and 
where starvation is rampant. The skies open daily during 
rainy season in Mozambique and Angola, where warring fac- 
tions dismember civilians and where nobody eats but the 


AN 
ENTIRE 
MAN-MAD 


soldiers. This year, there are famines in seven African coun- 
tries—Ethiopia, Somalia, the Sudan, Liberia, Malawi, Mo- 
zambique and Angola—all running simultaneously like 
horror movies in a Cineplex of misery. In a dozen other 
nations, famine threatens with only marginally less intensity. 
And although it would be easier to do so, we can't blame the 
weather. So where do African famines come from? 

Start here: civil wars. 

Imagine the scene: You're in a relief convoy—five trucks 
and a Land Rover full of food donated by faraway Danes and 
Americans, bound for a dusty camp swollen with frightened, 
dying refugees just around that bend, where the three 
MiG-21s have popped over the horizon. 
‘There are many unbelievable things in 
this world, but a government ordering 
the strafing and bombing of a relief 
column carrying food to its own people? 
It’s right up there in the believe-it-or- 
not follies. 

Believe it. Ethiopian and Sudanese 
government fliers have routinely slaugh- 
tered columns and camps of refugee 
civilians. The rebels in those countries, 
meanwhile, have routinely destroyed 
food shipments, lest they fall into the 
hands of the besieged government forces 
that have typically controlled the air- 
strips. In Africa, food and medicine are 
routinely used as weapons in a strug- 
gle that invariably has nothing to do with 
the people who are dying of hunger, peo- 
ple for whom politics is a bowl of rice. 

For the most part, civil wars in Africa 
are fought to shift power from one cor- 

rupt elite to another. The media call 

them civil wars because it's too com, 

cated to call them something more clari- 

fying, such as "one bunch of well-armed 

yahoos trying to hold on to power while 

another bunch of well-armed yahoos 
tries to take it away." In countries such as the Sudan or 
Ethiopia, the purpose of government certainly isn't to ensure 
domestic tranquility. Its purpose is to protect the governor— 
who, along with his cronies, grows fat at the expense of his 
countrymen—from those who want his job and the power 
and fatness that go along with it. 

The smoke from these nonstop conflicts chokes thc sur- 
vivors, as well, for African wars have rendered a generation 

r two illiterate and impoverished and have demolished fam- 
, tribes, entire societies. Worst of all, these violent disrup- 
tions create their own replication. as one or another deposed 
strong man, party or tribe lingers in a society, carrying out 


PAINTINGS BY RAFAL OLBINSKI 


126 


guerrilla actions while awaiting the chance to exact revenge 
and seize power. 
. 

Endlessly recurring conflicts are only one cause of Africa's 
suffering. There's also social engineering, the forced reloca- 
tion of villagers to suit the government's needs. Although the 
concept seems abstract, the victims are not. 

"The conflict in Ethiopia has made pawns out of the mil- 
lions of tribespeople who lived in Eritrea, Tigre, Ogaden and 
all the other provinces of what was once a patchwork of trib- 
al nations assembled in a hurry in the 1880s while Britain, 
the regional power most concerned, was otherwise distracted 
in Egypt and the Sudan. As that patchwork unraveled, 
Ethiopia's former president Mengistu Haile Mariam seized 
power and concocted various programs designed to pacify 


the country, primary among them, something he liked to call 
"villagization." 

Mengistu's program, a model of the tremendous overbite 
that results when political correctness is given real teeth, 
ranks with Stalin's forced collectivization of Ukrainian farms 
asan example of what a dictator with a little ambition can do 
if he really wants to destroy his own nation. By the time Men- 
gistu fled Ethiopia earlier this year, his scheme had wiped out 
at least 35,000 traditional villages, thus eliminating a food- 
growing and -trading system that had helped Ethiopians 
weather droughts and plagues for centuries. He replaced 
these villages with 15,000 new and presumably improved vil- 
lages—but they were in areas that had never been able to 
provide enough food to sustain the people who lived there 
even before villagization. Mengistu coupled this disastrous 


move with an even more devastating agricultural policy thar 
taxed farmers' income at more than 80 percent, allowed sol 
diers to confiscate livestock and mandated the destruction of 
crops and grain stores. Famine was the only harvest. 

By the ruler's reckoning, his program was a success; a 
restive population was rendered too weak то fight, and his 
power was, for a time, made secure. His reign of hunger last- 
ed nearly a decade and a half. It was not a secret. Yet no one 
lifted a hand to stop it 

Even though Mengistu has been in exile since his ouster 
last May, he left behind a volatile complex of regional and 
tribal conflicts. The current truce is likely to be a transient 
thing. Even now, hundreds of thousands of sick, wounded or 
starving demobilized soldiers, the victims of peace, are wan- 
dering the countryside, wishing they still had homes to re- 


turn to. When the next famine begins, you'll think it was on- 
ly yesterday that the dying ended. And you'll be right. 
. 

Imagine your state motor-vehicle department regulating 
food growers and you have an idea of how bureaucracy can 
kill. In the case of African famine, the bureaucracy most con- 
cerned is the Food and Agricultural Organization of the 
United Nations. It is the largest of the UN's autonomous or- 
ganizations, and since its founding in 1945, it has spent nine 
billion dollars trying to end the world's hunger. Through its 
World Food Program, it also seeks to meet sudden food 
emergencies. Unfortunately, it doesn't work. 

For the past decade and a half or so, the EA.O.'s director- 
general, a Lebanese named Eduoard Saouma, has been irri- 
tating the large donor nations by running his bureaucracy 


128 


with the same attention to personal 
power that marked the regime of, say; 
Mengistu in Fthiopia. When Saouma 
exits his limousine and enters the 
FA.O. offices, his staffers must stand. 
He likes to be called Your Excellency 
and he travels regally, expecting fully 
to be treated as a head of state, the 
King of Groceries. Saouma's salary for 
his six-year term: at least $1,200,000, 
including expenses. He controls a mul- 
timillion-dollar fund, for which ac- 
counting is murky, at best. His excess of 
hubris so mightily offended the Western 
delegates that the Canadians mounted 
an effort to oust him when he stood for 
re-election to a third six-year term in 
1987. According to diplomatic sources, 
Saouma was able to dodge that bullet 
through a cleverly planned effort to 
dole out favors—courtesy of the fund— 
to disaffected voter nations. 

In any case, the real criticisms of 
Saouma center on how his massive ego 
clogs the relief pipelines and prompts 
many donors to bypass the F.A.O. The 
fiasco that led to his attempted ouster 
occurred at the height of the Ethiopian 


famine of 1984, when 5,000,000 people 
were on the verge of starvation. Hunger 
was killing them off at the rate of about 
2300 a day, and the Ethiopian govern- 
ment made an emergency appeal for 
aid. That request ran afoul of a long- 
simmering battle between Saouma and 
his colleague James Ingram, director of 
the World Food Program; their squab- 
bles have crippled the UN's reliefappa- 
ratus. A source in the ЕА.О. contends 
that Ingram inexplicably stalled for 
several days before granting a transfer 
of 30,000 tons of supplies, but then 
Saouma refused to sign off on the ship- 
ment. He was annoyed, apparently, be- 
cause an Ethiopian official had gone 
to his rival Ingram first. The battle 
raged for days and days as the death 
toll mounted. Finally, when Saouma’s 
whims had been entertained and the 
Ethiopian official had been recalled by 
his government, the food was released. 
According to one 20-year veteran of the 
ЕА.О., the price of his pique was more 
than 45,000 Ethiopian lives. 

The Eduoard Saoumas of the world 
occupy ali levels of the relief bureaucra- 
су. Entire governments tailor policies to 
make it more difficulr and more expen- 
sive to feed their starving citizens than 
it would be to, say, sell the government. 
arms. Just as the death camps can be 
considered a political expedient, so can 
food aid. Last year, the al-Bashir gov- 
ernment in the Sudan sold off all its 
emergency food reserves to buy arms 
and oil, and the Sudanese People's Lib- 
eration Army continues to seize relief 
shipments and sell the food or use it to 
feed soldiers. 

е 

You can't get very far into this discus- 
sion without running into the peren- 
nial figure in African affairs: racism. It 


cuts two ways. 

First is the obvious one. Imagine that 
what's going on in, say, the Sudan were 
going on in Norway. Or the Soviet 
Union. The outcry would be universal 
and the Western world would circle its 
grain wagons to help. Obviously, not all 
lives on this planet have equal worth, 
and those in Africa seem cheap, indeed. 

But racism cuts another way as well: 
Call it affirmative action for despots. 
Common sense tells you that for every 
FREE SOUTH AFRICA-END APARTHEID 
bumper sticker, there ought to be an- 
other reading FEED ETHIOPIA—DOWN WITH 
MENGISTU. But the truth is that while 
any bozo can tell an evil white South 
African from a virtuous black one, try- 
ing to figure out who the good and bad 
black guys are in Africa is a tricky busi- 
ness. For 30 years, a numbing succes- 
sion of little Hitlers have marched in 
and out of power there while the rest 
of the world did nothing. The result? 
Far, far more dead people under post- 
colonial үш than during all the 
African colonial wars put together. That 
they have been allowed to remain in 
power for so long is sorry evidence of a 
repugnant form of racial bias. After six 
decades of colonialism and three of 
postcolonial terror, Africans are still dy- 
ing for a fair shot at rational self-gov- 
ernment. 

. 

Around the corner from racism is 
its neighbor in the social sciences: eco- 
nomics. In the context of Africa, 
economics is a subject unnecessarily 
complicated by curves, graphs and 
numbers. There is one simple number 
to know: 1.7 percent. That's the share 
of the world's trade that belongs to 
that vast continent, and a substantial 
amount of that share belongs to South 


Africa. Money talks. Africans walk. 

The situation in Africa is exacerbated 
by the grasping policies cf the hardest- 
hit countries. A common gambit is to 
exchange relief supplies for hard cur- 
rency, which in turn is spent on weap- 
ons or stashed away in the leader's 
foreign bank account. Often, the food 
sent to feed people is hoarded by the 
wealthy and powerful and offered at a 
price so high the hungry cannot afford 
to buy it. 

The rags-to-riches exploits of African 
politicians color the economic picture 
in Africa simply because we in the West 
like to help those who help themselves. 
Mobutu, Mugabe, Moi, Kaunda may all 
be charlatans when it comes to fair gov- 
ernment, but they're the real thing when 
it comes to stable trading partners. 

е 

When famines are announced, weeks, 
months may pass while donor countries, 
PV.O.s (private voluntary organiza- 
tions) and N.G.O.s (nongovernmental 
organizations) solicit donations and 
food. Then, suddenly, tremendous 
amounts of relief supplies аге mus- 
tered, clogging the seaports and flood- 
ing the capitals If all the hungry 
people in Africa lived in the capital 
cities, everybody woulé eat. 

But they don't. So the biggest practi- 
cal problem fighting famine is the pro- 
saic logistical one: How do you get food 
from where it is to where it isn't? 

There's something about the Nile 
that loves a barge, and it's this: From 
Khartoum south to Equatoria and the 
headwaters of the Nile, there are two 


-—— 


ways of moving goods and people. One 
is by air, a costly proposition and, for 
most Sudanese, a highly unlikely one. 
The other is by barge—large, wide, flat- 
bottomed jobs that glide across the 
huge southern swamp like an angel 
from heaver's larder. 

So if you're a relief worker in Khar- 
toum, contemplating the impossibility 
of getting food to the south, and youre- 
alize there are no roads, no bridges, no 
trucks (and if there were, the military 
would have permanent dibs on them), 
sooner or later, the idea will occur to 
you: Let's load up a barge and float re- 
lief up the river. 

That's just what they tried to do last 
year in the village of Bor, where Red 
Cross staffers supervised workers labor- 
ing to assemble a brand-new barge do- 
nated by Norwegians, flown in pieces to 
Nairobi and hauled across the border 
into the Sudan to run relief. 

Alas, nobody asked the Sudanese 
government if it would grant permis- 
sion for the new, bigger boat—which, of 
course, itwouldn't. When observers, in- 
cluding a chap from The Washington 
Post, went to see what the problem was, 
they found the barge slowly rusting 
away, aground on the shoals of bu- 
reaucracy and paranoia. 

The stalled barge tells you all you 
need to knaw about African transport. 
Any vehicle that can travel efficiently 
from one place to another comes under 
immediate suspicion of harboring 
weapons or soldiers, and thus becomes 
a military target. Moreover, much of 
the continent is just plain impassable. 


E 
ODDO 


Hi 


"Throughout Africa, a valuable heritage 
of colonial infrastructure has been wast- 
ed. In Zaire, there were 90,000 miles of 
passable road when it declared inde- 
pendence in 1960. Twenty-five years 
later, there were fewer than 6000 left. 


\ 


NI 


е 

There is an especially despicable 
group of middle-range government 
officials, army officers and foreign-aid 
functionaries who grow fat off the 
world's efforts to feed the starving. The 
World Bank calls them the Vampire 
Elite, and they аге recognizable from 
the Mercedeses they park in front of 
their mansions in the capital cities of the 
most godforsaken countries on earth. 

A Dutch relief worker in Kenya told 


PLAYBOY 


130 


me that if assistance is funneled 
through the typical African govern- 
ment, as much as 80 percent of it will be 
unaccounted for. So much aid goes into 
so many government pockets that many 
nations avoid the official channels. This 
year's $23,000,000 in U.S. aid to Zaire, 
for example, will go only to nongovern- 
mental organizations, because corrup- 
tion in official agencies has become so 
rife. 

If the Vampire Elite are the parasites, 
then private charities are the fattened 
beasts upon which they feed. 

It is, perhaps, only to be expected 
that bureaucracies built to respond to 
famine often feed on it. These days, it's 
one of Africa's few growth industries: In 
1988, there were nearly 100,000 relicf 
and development workers in Africa. 
Private organizations churn huge 
amounts of cash pushing frequent 
famine programs—or, as one analyst 
told me, "No famine, no money"—then 
squander their resources on schemes 
that duplicate those of their competi- 
tors, resulting in phenomenal waste. 
Intoxicated with the fever of urgency, 
they are often highly adept at respond- 
ing to emergencies but unable to deal 
with the conditions—especially the po- 
litical ones—that create famine. To do 
so effectively would only alienate the 
very governments whose acquiescence 
is required for relief programs to pro- 
ceed. It is a malignant alliance when 
those who fight famine are dependent 
for their existence upon those who 
cause it. 

Also, there is often virtually no for- 
mal integration between the very 
groups that should be working togeth- 
er: the nongovernmental and private 
voluntary relief efforts. During the last 
big famine in the Sudan, in 1985 and 
1986, there were more than 90 non- 
governmental organizations at work in 
Khartoum, cach providing field jobs 
for a growing mob of disaster special- 
ists, stimulating a false cconomy and 
generating enormous profits for truck- 
ers, contractors and other famine en- 
trepreneurs. 

The result is a highly inefficient re- 
lief industry —something that people, 
asked again and again to give, eventual- 
ly notice. The by-product is a sense of 
futility that serves no one. 


. 
Which would you rather read about? 
A. Economic cycles 
B. Government deficits 
C. Savings-and-loan scandals 
D. Famine 
E. None of the above 
According to members of the media, 

E is the answer we all would give, be- 

cause they believe that these subjects 


are impossible for normal people to 
understand. 

Consequently, famine is covered 
in shorthand—highly charged para- 
graphs read to the camera by a journal- 
ist clad in khaki. The piece will usually 
start with an emblematic shot of, say, 
Abdul, who has brought his family 
down from the mountains, his children 
starving, his wife sick, his cow dead, as 
if the only way we comprehend the hor- 
ror of famine is by imagining ourselves 
in Abdul's place. 

That's ridiculous, of course, because 
it's impossible. It also assumes that it is 
only the horror of famine that we need 
to understand. And that’s where the 
trouble starts, Famine is invariably cov- 
ered as a crisis that begs for a solution, 
that can be ameliorated with big infu- 
sions of food and money. As soon as the 
food arrives, as soon as the war ends, as 
soon as the rain falls, the famine ends— 
or, to be exact, the media's interest in it 
ends. But famine is only the most dra- 
matic symptom of a much larger proc- 
ess that involves economics, racism, 
history, bureaucrats—all the compo- 
nents ofa real-world problem. 

What do those hungry children think 
is happening when some guy shoves a 
million-dollar video camera into their 
faces? During one recent CNN seg- 
ment, a woman asked the camera why 
they had been sent video crews but no 
food. It is in the camps that we see the 
results of an event that, had there been 
a reporter handy, would have been the 
real news. 

That brings us to famine fatigue. If 
famine is a man-made disaster, famine 
fatigue is a media-made one. Unsure of 
how to report on an issue as complex as 
famine, the media hope that startling 
images and startling numbers will do 
their jobs for them. Consequently, we 
are no longer shocked at the look on a 
baby's face moments before it dies of 
hunger, and pictures of the endless 
swarm of refugees shuffling around in 
the desert fail to touch us. 

But if the faces are hideous, so are 
the numbers. The number of those 
“threatened by famine,” to use the 
vague phraseology of the UN, changes 
almost daily in an apparent struggle to 
find an arbitrary figure that will grab 
the public imagination. 

Until last summer, the United Na- 
tions said 27,000,000 people in Africa 
were at risk of starving this year. Then, 
in June, the UN upped the ante to 
a round 30,000,000. For most of us, 
those are not real numbers. Fortunate- 
ly, 30,000,000 isn't a real number to 
the UN, either. Thirty million people 
did not starve in Africa this year. The 
number who actually died of famine 


in Africa may be as low as a mere 
1,000,000 or so. The UN must assume 
that 1,000,000 deaths—a теге 
1,000,000—are just not enough to 
make us notice. Like famine relief 
agencies, the UN—and, for that matter, 
the press—has a need to take a big 
famine and make it bigger, as big as 
it can possibly be. That's marketing. 
That's showbiz. 

The beauty part is, you can make the 
famine as big as you want. The bad part. 
is, it's impossible to tell how big it real- 
ly is. The really bad part is, the media 
never question the bloated figures of- 
fered by UN bureaucracies. Conse- 
quently, it's hard for us to know what to 
do to fight the present famine and pre- 
vent the occurrence of the next one. 

. 

So there's famine again in Africa. 
What can be done to help? 

On some cold and rational level, 
doing nothing may make the most 
sense. As we've learned in this country, 
setting up a massive, permanent wel- 
fare structure perpetuates poverty. But 
after all the pictures on TV and all the 
pleading mail, most of us feel we must 
do something. 

Our first insinci—sending huge in- 
fusions of food—may be the wrong 
thing. Large-scale relief can destroy a 
local agiicultural economy. Famines get 
meanest just before harvest, so just 
about the time all the hard-working 
farmers in, say, Somalia get ready to 
take their paltry crops in—presto!—the 
world community dumps tons and tons 
of free food, ruining the market, driv- 
ing farmers from the land and into the 
cities for jobs, and making next sea- 
son's famine worse. 

Relief—that is, the immediate, airlift- 
style remedies necessary for treating 
famine—is distinct from development, 
which focuses on the long-term solu- 
tions that seek to prevent famine in the 
first place. Development programs 
clearly hold out the most promise, but 
what sort work best? 

© Agricultural programs have the 
best chance of succeeding. Those areas 
in Africa subject to repeated famine 
have to recapture their agrarian base. 
Organizations bent on creating T-shirt 
factories in Ethiopia are wasting their 
time and your money. Africa's future is 
in its soil. 

* Development programs must be 
seen by recipients as an extension of 
an already existing system. The entire 
history of Western development in 
Africa is crowded with grand, innova- 
tive projects that should have worked 
but, in fact, went bust as soon as the 

(concluded on poge 160) 


"And then, at night, when theyre all asleep, you 
sneak down, unlock the door and. . . .” 


131 


modern living By HARRY SOMERFIELD 


Pee e NOR TER d 


ЕЕ ЕГ iE Res EST BS a 


get the popcorn popping and grob a spot on the couch. 
home, these days, is where the entertainment is 


F LIFE IMITATES ART, then the art of technology strives to 
imitate life. From stereo sound in the Fifties to color 
television in the Sixties to digital audio in the Eighties, 
engineers and designers have been coming vp with big: 
ger and better ways to make your home-entertainment 
experience as exciting as any live performance. 

In fact, industry insiders predict that shortly after 
the turn of the century, a painting or even a patterned 
wall will dissolve into a television screen. Eventually, they 
claim, these life-size screens will be replaced by three-di- 
mensional, holographic images, which will be beamed 
into the center of a room by a small, light-fixture-sized 
projector mounted on the ceiling or the wall. 

As visual images get larger, you can expect storage 
systems to get smaller. Somewhere down the road, tiny, 
solid-state microchips will take the place of today’s state- 
of-the-art audio and video optical-disc systems. To watch 

a classic film from the Nineties. you'll just mentally make a 
selection from an on-screen menu, speak the alpha-numeric 
code aloud and an international fiber-optic system will down- 
load the movie into a storage module for later viewing. 
The entire procedure will take less than 15 seconds. If the 
film is purged from memory within 24 hours, a world-wide 
computer billing network will automatically change the 
charge from a “film purchase” to a “film rental.” Sound 


farfetched? Not really. These super-high-tech gadgets are 
currently on the drawing boards of some of the world’s 
leading electronic firms. Meanwhile, you'll have to be 
content with the latest high-tech gizmos on the market 
now. Here are some of our favorites. 


THE COMMAND CENTER 


The receiver is the heart and soul of any home-entertain- 
ment system. A top audio/video receiver will have multiple 
jacks for a TV set or a tuner, several VCRs, a laser-disc play- 
er and a CD player, plus Dolby Pro Logic Surround Sound 
processors. The last on-board circuitry allows movie sound 
tracks that are encoded in Surround Sound to be reproduced 
at home exactly as they are in movie theaters, often with at 


| least five channels of amplification. 


Pioneer's VSX-DIS ($1350) and Yamaha's RX-V1050 
($1200) are two excellent audio/video receivers to consider, 
along with Kenwood's KR-V9030 ($980). Onkyo's TX-SV70 
(8850) and Yamaha's RX-V850 ($800). 


THE BIG PICTURE 


Do you think more is more when it comes to big-screen 
IVs? Not unless you have a living room, bedroom or 
den that's the size of a football field and a budget to 
match. Instead, consider а (text continued on page 176) 


PIONEER MULTI CD/LD PLAYER There are several combinatian CD/laser-disc players on the market, but 

only Pioneer's CLD-M90 accepts both formats at the same time. Priced at 
$700, the CLD-M90 comes with a ten-key remote control and features a unique tray that stores as many as five compact 
discs for continued or programed play. Once the CDs are in place, a 12-inch laser disc can be loaded on top. 
Although the CLD-M90 is a single-sided laser-disc player, you can program it to play as many as 24 chapters, in any 
order, on either side of the disc. That way, you can skip the dull stuff and go directly to your favorite scenes. 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY JANES IMBROGNO 


MARANTZ DCC/ANALOGUE DECK One of the most promising new formots is the 

Digital Compact Cassette (DCC). Although it won't 
hit the market until spring, virtually all of the mojor record labels have agreed to support the format, 
os have several electronics firms, including Marantz, moker of the prototype DCC player/recorder 
shown above. Priced between $500 and $700, DCC decks will обо play analogue cassettes 


SEGA GAME GEAR 


When Sega's Game Gear 
debuted in Japan in 1990, 
more than 40,000 units 
were sold in only two days. 
Backed by a $15,000,000 
ad campaign, the video 
gome giant is hoping to 
make an even greater im- 
pec! here. With Nintendo 
and TurboGrafx also vying 
for a slice of the one-bil- 
lion-dollar handheld-video- 
gome market, competition 
is going to be stiff. But Game 
Gear, with its 3.2-inch color 
screen and stereo sound, is 
priced between the two сї 
$150 (including ihe hit 
game Columns). An option- 
al TV tuner is available for 
$120 and other Game Gear 
software, while not compat- 
ible with Sega's Genesis 
| system, costs $30 to $40. 


MAGNAVOX CD INTERACTIVE TELEVISION 


If the makers of CD-I (Compact Disc Interactive) have their way, 
couch potatoes will soon be more active. Codeveloped by 
Philips and Sony, this new interactive compact disc-based home- 
entertainment/educctionol system combines digital audio with 
video, text, graphics and animation. The first CD-I player (the 
$1400 Magnavox CDI910 shown above) debuts this fall, along 
with software, including Caesars World of Gambling (shown on 
ihe screen of RCA's new $500 20-inch color TV), ABC Sports 
Golf: Palm Springs Open and Treasures of the Smithsonian, a 
self-guided tour of 150 of the institution's major attractions. 


NAKAMICHI BOOKSHELF Apparently, good things do come in small pack- 
oges. Nokomichi, Ponosonic, Sony, Aiwa 

and Sharp are among the many companies that are packing the power of 

a typical rack system into compact, bookshelf-sized stereo units. 

Nakamichi's $350 CompactReceiverSystem1 and $450 CD- 

CossettePlayerl (both shown above) incorporate color 

coding and specially shaped buttons to simplify 


operations. Included with the 14-wott-per- 
channel receiver is a pair of two-way 

bass reflex speakers and a pock- 

et-sized wireless remote 

control thot mirrors 

the design of 

the sys- 


These 
days, you 
don't hove to be 
Steven Spielberg to 
create videos dazzling 
special effects. Just get your hands 
on one of the newest home video-edit- 
ing systems. Panasonic's $1800 WI-AVES Dig- 
ital A/V Mixer (shown above) has been rated one of 
the best of the breed, ond it doesn't take a master’s in film 
to operate. Ninety-six wipe patterns let you create scene 
changes like a pro. A digital synchronizer mixes video images from 
опу two sources, such as a VCR, a camcorder or a loser-disc player. And a 
bui audio mixer accepts as many as three stereo inputs, plus a microphone. 
You can also create jazzy special effects: The smu function freeze-frames an im- 
аде, MOSAC turns it into tiny squares, 
STROBE makes it flash and paint adds vivid colors. PANASONIC DIGITAL A/V MIXER 


CompactReceivert 


Bu» 


[Ex 


SONY Hi8 HANDYCAM Camcorders are another example of home electronics gear that keeps getting smaller. 

Sony recently unveiled its first Hi8 model in the TR series, the $1500 CCD-TR81 Handy- 
cam, which weighs in at a mere one pound, 12 ounces (without tape and battery), and fits neatly into the palm of your 
hand. In addition to delivering 400 lines of horizontal resolution, the Handycam boasts a newly developed lens system 
with full-range auto-focus, an 8:1 variable-power zoom lens that switches from telephoto to side angle in three seconds 
and lifelike sound reproduction via a built-in four-capsule stereo microphone. And a variable high-speed shutter ensures 
shorp images during fast action. Once you've shot your footage, you can hook the Handycam vp to your television set for 
immediate playback. Other camcorders to consider include Panasonic's PV-21 Palmcorder (about $1000) and JVC's 
GR-SX90 VideoMovies ($1200). Both of these VHS models weigh less than two pounds and are loaded with features. 


8x 


Hi-Fi Stereo 


videoHi8 | 
Handycam iioc. 


SONY VIDEO LENS 


PLAYBOY 


136 


BOTTOMS UP (continued рот page 80) 


“Not only do women go to strip bars, they go to strip 
bars and act like animals.’” 


how dumb do you think I am? 1 wanted to 
do that, but I didn't. 1 didn't do it be- 
cause I was afraid. Clearly and palpably 
afraid. 

Rachel burped demurely. “Anyway,” 
she continued, “what I mean is, what is 
it with men? No offense, David, I don't 
mean you. I mean men in, you know, 
general.” 

Lesley snorted and said, “God, 
Rachel, you don't have a clue, do you?” 

“Pardon me?” 

"Tm serious, honey. Don't you know 
by now? Haven't you figured it out? 
Match this." She turned to me, stared 
me straight in the eyes and said, “Hey, 
Dave, we're lying our asses off. We're 
not cocktail waitresses. We're dancers. 
Nude dancers.” Without taking her 
eyes off mine, she reached for her beer. 

I was clearly being outcooled here, 
plain and simple. But to save face, I 
performed a not very convincing shrug 
and said, “I'd figured as much.” 

Lesley sent a current of venom my 
way. “What's that supposed to mean?" 

Changing strategies, I stammered, “I 
saw you guys Friday night. You were 
walking into Bottoms Up with your 
work clothes under your arms.” I let 
this sink in in full anticipation of their 
amazement: A conjurer in our midst! 
But only Rachel evidenced the slightest 
twitch of surprise. I charged forward: 
“When you said you cocktai-waitressed 
at a strip bar, 1 thought, Now, why 
would a strip bar hire cocktail waitress- 
es when they already have strippers?” 

Actually, this piece of logic had only 
just occurred to me. 

“Well,” Lesley informed me, “sorry 
to burst your bubble, Sherlock, but 
there are cocktail waitresses at Bottoms 
Up. Have you ever been to a strip 
jone” 

“Sure,” I said, imagining with satis- 
faction how nimbly this admission 
would slip through a lie-detector test. 
What I mean is, it was true: One night 
in college, 1 went to a topless place 
called Charley's with some buddies. We 
were doing some male bonding. We'd 
also, prior to entering, done a fair num- 
ber of bong hits in a friend's саг. I re- 
member awoman in crotch-high cutoffs 
writhing on stage to a song called Rock 
You Like a Hurricane. I also remember 
throwing up an order of potato skins in 
one of Charley's graffiti-infested stalls. 

“So why'd you go?" Rachel asked, 
Lesley was sitting back and smiling 
into space. 


“It was something to do.” Which 
wasn't too far from the truth. 

“But why a strip bar?” Rachel wanted 
to know, "What's the big deal about see- 
ing naked boobs?” 

I gave the question some serious 
thought. 1 wanted to let them know I 
was above bourgeois morality, above ar- 
chaisms like sin and decency. Besides, 
the question was an interesting one: 
What was the big deal? 

“Well, it's not just the naked, er, 
chest,” I told her. “I mean, let's face it: 
A boob's a boob. That's not it at all. I 
think what guys get off on is the fact 
that they are watching a woman take off 
all her clothes in a room packed with 
other men. It’s like, I've been in restau- 
rants or whatever and a woman will 
walk in, and from out of nowhere, this 
little voice will say, ‘I wonder what she 
looks like naked.' You know the voice 
Im talking about? It’s the same one 
that says, ‘T wish I had a million dollars’ 
or ‘I'd like to punch this guy in the 
teeth.” So when you're at a strip bar, it's 
like that woman you're looking at hears 
what you are thinking and says, ‘You re- 
ally want to know? OK, ГИ show you." 
Which is pretty mind-boggling, if you 
think about it." 

Boy, I was rolling now; man, oh, man, 
was this interesting. 

“I mean, this woman you don't even 
know is going to undress for you,” I 
continued. “And why? Because you 
want to know what her body looks like. 
You and all the other people in the bar. 
And because you've paid her to take her 
clothes off, which, of course, is another 
thing: the money. If it were free, it 
wouldn't be nearly as interesting." 

"Same goes for cocaine," Lesley said, 
laughing. 

Rachel shook her head but didn't say 
anything. Was she impressed? Did she 
admire my critical acumen? Was she 
arouscd by my liberal openness? 

“Well,” Rachel said, "all I know is, 
women don't do that stuff” 

"Oh, yes, they do," Lesley disagreed. 

"OK, right, they do. But they're not 
as bad as men." 

“Not as bad as men?" Lesley repeat- 
ed. "Are you kidding me? You can't be 
serious. Where have you been? Women, 
honey, are worse than men. Worse by a 
mile." She was sitting up now with her 
new beer, as if to create a space around 
her. Implicitly, Rachel and I diminished 
ourselves, giving her room. "Honey, 


not only do women go to strip bars, 
they go to strip bars and act like azi- 
mal. Have you ever been to one of 
those places? Have you? It's а god- 
damned orgy in there. Women hoist up 
their dresses, flatten themselves on ta- 
bles, suck cock right there with the 
whole crowd cheering them on. Some- 
thing clicks in their brains, 1 don't 
know, they just go ape shit, like they've 
never seen a dick before.” 

Rachel and I looked at Lesley in 
amazement. 

“You're full of shit,” I said tentatively. 
And yet, I was almost willing to buy it. 
Who was I to say her nay? Me? Hardly. 

“Full of shit?” she said, though with- 
out malice. She was clearly enjoying 
herself. Addressing me, she said, “Let 
me tell you something: Women are 
worse than men when it comes to fuck- 
ing. Period. We think about it more, 
talk about it more, have dirtier mouths, 
can do it longer—you name it. And let 
me tell you something else: Deep down, 
you know it, bub. You know it and it 
scares the shit out of you.” 

She let this hang for a second. No 
one argued. “For instance, take some 
chick whose husband can't get it up 
when she wants to fuck. If she lets him 
know she wants it, if she reaches under 
the covers and grabs his prick, what do 
you think happens? The guy’s as limp 
as Jell-O. It's like, I don't know, she's out 
of control or something. So you take this 
chick and you put her in a room full of 
chicks like her, all of them fed up with 
handing it out to some asshole who 
thinks he’s the only dick in town, and 
all of a sudden, out comes this sexy 
piece of ass, all muscles and buns, and 
what does he do but strip down to black 
undies and a bow tie. And the thing is, 
he doesn’t do it because he wants to 
fuck these chicks, though, for all I 
know, he might; the point is, he does it 
because these chicks want him to do it. 
He's doing it because they've paid him 
to do it. That's what it all comes down 
to. They're getting it exactly when they 
want it. Which, in real life, never hap- 
pens—not in жу life, at least." 

Here she stopped, her words hover- 
ing in the air. No one knew what to say, 
least of all me. It was probably my place 
to object, I don't know; maybe Lesley 
was just "playing" with me again. Nev- 
ertheless, 1 felt . . . oh, six inches tall, 
givc or take an inch. 

"OK, now, do you guys want to know 
a secret?" She was smiling now, dissolv- 
ing the tension. Boy, did this girl know 
how to command a room. "Remember 
how I said I once saw a woman in one of 
those places give a stripper a blow job?" 

We nodded, Rachel and I. No argu- 
ments here. 


(continued on page 168) 


HE BROS 
е 


BERNARD and HEY 


уе бор. ONE! 


HAPPY Bl «. 
ASSHOLE e 


137 


“I'm an artist, and this is how I choose to express myself,” proclaims 


Madonna in the startlingly candid documentary Truth or Dare. Music-: 
director Alek Keshishian shadowed the star during her Blond Ami n 
tour, filming such graphic moments as this steamy version of Like a Virgin. 


disoster 


м S IN 


N There's a whole lotta misbehavin’ gain’ ап in these 1991 pictures papulated by bad guys and gals af all persuasions. 
Jasan Patric allaws Rachel Ward to involve him in a kidnap plot in After Dark, My Sweet (opposite, for left), while Val 
Kilmer as racker Jim Morrison flashes a rawdy audience in The Doors (apposite, below). The Rapture (appasite, near left) takes 
Mimi Ragers—she's the one who's clothed—fram group grapes (here with David Duchavny and Stephanie Nenuez) ta religious 
fundamentalism ta human sacrifice. In The Grifters—like After Dark, My Sweet, taken from a back by the late pulp navelist Jim 
Thampson—everybody’s on the can. In the scene at left above, Annette Bening offers her londlard (Michael Loskia) a rent- 
money option: “The lady ar the laat?” she inquires with a leer. Theresa Russell practices the oldest profession in directar 
Ken (no kin) Russell's latest picture, Whare (abave right). Saan after the L.A. politician ployed by William Katt in Naked Ob- 
session gels involved in kinky extrurnurital sex wilh stripper Моно Furd (below), he's sel up us u suspect in her murder, 


=ΠHE GREENAWAY EFFECT 


Moviegoers can always count on British director 

Peter Greenaway to be creative—and outrageous. 

is Drowning by Numbers (cbove) was made in 1987 
but released in the U.S. only this year, Its plot calls for 
three generations of women named Cissie Colpitts 
lo drown their husbands. Dewager Joon Plowright 
dispatches hers (Bryan Pringle) after catching him bath- 
ing with a local slut (top right); Juliet Stevenson helps 
hers, Trevor Cooper (they're together, top lefi), expire 
i oceon; ond Joely Richardson offs hers (David 
Morrissey) in a swimming pool. That's Morrissey, Cooper 
and Richardson above. Due this fall is Greenaway's 
Prospero's Books, based on Shakespeare’s The Tempest 
and starring Sir John Gielgud (near right). As evi- 
denced by the shots on the page opposite, the film 
delights in nudity and gamesmanship (Isabelle Pasco, 
os Prospero's daughter, Mirando, plays a game of 
chess with Mark Rylance as Ferdinando, far right). 


PLAYBOY 


148 


longer, the theory went, must they be 
pruned to the level of suitability for 
teeny-boppers. 

Alas, the jubilation was premature. 
The Reverend Donald Wildmon, the 
crusading ayatollah of the arts whose 
American Family Association mans the 
barricades against prurience, and other 
self-anointed censors attacked the NC- 
17 with the same fervor they'd previ- 
ously devoted to the X. Declaring “a 
cultural war," Wildmon promised, "It's 
just getting started." 

For whatever rcason—fcar of Wild- 
mon and Company or merely the sim- 
ple fact that it takes time to get a 
picture into the pipeline—no major 
company has released an NC-17 film 
since Universal's 1990 Henry & June, 
the movie that started it all. As a result, 
all that 1991's cinematic fare may end 
up proving is that the more things 
change, the more they stay the same, 
Although the M.PA.A. has rerated a 
good many previously X'd attractions, 
some newspapers continue to ban 
advertising of NC-17 films, past or 
present Also, Blockbuster Video, a 
nationwide chain, refuses to handle 
anything labeled porno or NC-17— 
quality be damned. 

“That's where the next battle is going 
to be waged,” declares Harvey Wein- 
stein, a chief executive of Miramax 
Films, still smarting from his compa- 
ny's 1990 contretemps over the then-X- 
rated Tie Me Up! Tie Me Down! and The 
Cook, The Thief His Wife && Her Lover. 
Says Weinstein, “We are studying the 
fundamentalists, the Wildmon group 
or whoever it is putting pressure on 
Blockbuster . . and we're contemplat- 
ing action against them.” 

‘The embattled National Endowment 
for the Arts found itself in the line of 
fire again this year over its funding of 
an unrated movie called Poison. Al- 
though director Todd Haynes's rather 
innocuous shocker won the top prize at 
Utah’s 1991 Sundance Film Festival, 
some audience members walked out 
well before the end. In fact, Poison, 
based on three works by France's dean 
of depravity, the late Jean Gener, is 
both boring and audacious. Its most of- 
fending segment, called "Homo," is 
about men in a squalid French prison, 
either dreaming about or actually ex- 
Periencing erections, urination and 
nonexplicit but unmistakable anal sex. 

The fact that censorship prevails may 
come as a surprise 10 audiences flock- 
ing to see Madonna's Truth or Dare. The 
semistaged documentary shot during 
her Blond Ambition tour shows the 
rock superstar simulating masturba- 
tion, copulation and oral sex (with an 
Evian bottle). Throughout, Madonna is 
unfazed, even when local authorities in 
Canada threaten her with arrest. 


Although indulgently rated R, Truth 
or Dare has had its own run-ins with the 
M.PA.A., which also rates advertising 
campaigns—including movie trailers. 
“Those for Truth or Dare and A Rage in 
Harlem, both distributed by Miramax, 
ran into trouble with the M.PA.A., and 
Weinstein has harsh words for its czar, 
Jack Valent. "He's killing us,” says 
Weinstein, echoing another company 
spokesman's claim that the М.РАА. ob- 
serves a double standard, dealing more 
harshly with independents than with 
morc powerful Hollywood studios. 

Only moderately sexy, 4 Rage in 
Harlem's trailer was originally red-band- 
ed (the equivalent ofan R or an NC-17) 
because it included a scene in which a 
character wearing priestly clericals foils 
a mugger by pulling a pistol from a hol- 
lowed-out Bible. “Also, we showed 
Gregory Hines pointing a gun at Dan- 
ny Glover, and the M.PA.A. says a trail- 
er can't show a weapon pointed at a 
victim. So now we have the gun pointed. 
at Glover's dog. .. . | guess dogs are not 
considered victims,” Truth or Dare's 
trailer, also red-banded, depicts Ma- 
donna plucking the petals from a daisy 
while musing, “He just wants to (bleep) 
me.” The bleep, Miramax notes, is eas- 
ily lip-readable. “After the battle of 
the bleep,” says Weinstein, “they [the 
raters] also thought some of Madonna's 
Tibe n Virgin footage was too suggestive 
Even though the movie itself is an R 
film, we finally came out with an unrat- 
ed trailer—which many theaters across 
the country won't show.” 

High-tech adventure, spiritual quests, 
romance and fantasy seemed to charac- 
terize most movies in the American 
mainstream circa 1991. Itwas, after all, 
the year in which Kevin Costner's 
Dances with Wolves won seven Oscars, 
while his Robin Hood became a box- 
office wow despite generally hostile 
press reaction (and a body double doing 
Kevin's sole nude scene). It was the year 
of Terminator 2, City Slickers, The Silence 
of the Lambs and Backdraft. Generally, 
though, the films most likely to jump- 
start the gonads tended to be minor 
hits—or total flops that found their real 
audiences only on video. Henry & June 
(body heat ad infinitum), White Palace 
(Susan Sarandon and James Spa- 
der steaming the screen as an older 
woman-younger man combo) and The 
Bonfire of the Vanities (Tom Hanks as a 
married financier asking for trouble 
with Melanie Griffith in Brian De Pal- 
ma's widely skewered version of the 
Тот Wolfe best seller) all seemed to 
attract. viewers primed for take-home 
titillation. Bernardo Bertolucci's The 
Sheltering Sky, based on a Paul Bowles 
novel, was another instance of cerebral 
sex for private consumption—with 
Debra Winger and John Malkovich as a 


married couple sampling North Africa, 
drifting from his quickie with an Arab 
harlot to her stint as a desert nomad's 
sex toy. 

The Griflers, directed by Stephen 
(Dangerous Liaisons) Frears, garnered 
Oscar nominations (but no statuettes) 
for Anjelica Huston and Annette Ben- 
ing as ruthlessly bitchy rivals—respec- 
tively the mother and the mistress of a 
small-time con man (John Cusack)— 
mixed up in everything from petty 
larceny to incest and murder. Their 
mean streaks kept many a home fire 
sizzling. 

Switch, director Blake Edwards’ trans- 
sexual joke, also promises to score 
higher on the small screen than in the- 
aters. Ellen Barkin plays the gender 
bender, returned to life as a woman afi- 
er being murdered in his original incar- 
nation as an indefatigable womanizer. 
Here'sa guy who has to die to learn what 
he did for lust. Soapdish, a spoof of sudsy 
daytime TV, also looks likely to do bet- 
ter on video than it has been doing the- 
atrically. As the upstart who yearns to 
replace veteran star Sally Field, Cathy 
Moriarty promises casting-couch favors 
to one harried executive (Robert Down- 
ey, Jr). Get me the leading role, she 
vows, “and Mr. Fuzzy is yours.” The Mar- 
rying Man, written by Neil Simon and 
touted as a main bout in the battle of 
the sexes, co-stars Kim Rasinger and 
Alec Baldwin as a horny, frequently wed 
couple. The movie generated far more 
heat in the press than on screen when 
the not-so-private pair publicly blamed 
everyone but themselves for Man's be- 
low-par performance. 

More verbal than visual in its sugges- 
tiveness, Sibling Rivalry had a short ca- 
reer in theaters despite the popularity 
of star Kirstie Alley (of TV's Cheers) as a 
bored housewife with a lot of explain- 
ing to do when the stranger she picks 
up (Sam Elliott) drops dead of a heart 
attack, still wearing a condom after 
their fifth intimate encounter. He turns 
out to have been her long-absent broth- 
er-in-law, and his death takes most of 
the life—and nearly all of the sex—out 
of the movie. 

Few major movies went overboard 
in prurience, opting instead for hints 
of hard-edged sexuality. The contro- 
versial Thelma & Louise, with Susan 
Sarandon and Geena Davis as gutsy 
runaways, sets its plot in motion with 
an attempted rape, but studio re-edit- 
ing actually toned down a scene of joy- 
ous copulation between Davis and a 
no-good cowboy (Brad Pitt) who steals 
all the fugitives money. Mortal 
Thoughts’ Bruce Willis tries to rape his 
wife's best friend (played by his real 
wife, Demi Moore) in a sequence more 
violent than erotic. The Rapture (see 

(continued on page 166) 


LOOK FOR A WEDGE AND A SPLASH, 
AND FIND THE HIDDEN PLEASURE 
IN REFRESHING SEAGRAM'S GIN. 


Gori? 
Now head for e 
the 19th hole. : 


IM. Senan San НҮ HY арма Me ces on бло Векь Prt 


2. iQ) U E 


ST ee 65 


VOLTA ROBERTS 


he fastest transformation in recent Holly- 

woad history changed Julia Roberts into 
JULIA ROBERTS. АР 24, she is the hollesl fe- 
male property in all filmdom. Her perform- 
ances in films such as “Satisfaction,” 
“Mystic Pizza,” “Steel Magnolias,” “Pretty 
Woman” and "Flatliners" made audiences 
Jorget that she was Eric Roberts’ little sister. 
Since we talked with her, she has worked on 
“Sleeping with the Enemy,” “Dying Young” 
and the upcoming “Hook.” Also, since then, a 
forest of trees has been sacnficed lo the intrica- 
cies—real and imagined—of her love life. We 
were immediately impressed when we met her. 
She was funny, earnest and blunt, She also 
had bushels of hair and, of course, those 
lips and eyes that seem to be the fast things 
other writers describe about her We also 
discovered, for reasons that are nol en- 
tively clear, that she peels the crusts off her 
hamburger buns 


PLAYBOY: What are the advantages and 
the limitations of a drawl? 

ROBERTS: It got me out of a traffic ticket 
once. I'd made an illegal left turn. 1 
have а Georgia driver's license, so I said 
Га been in Los Angeles for only nine 
days. The policewoman let me go be- 
cause ] did a real Southern number 
[sugary sweet] "I'm here visiting my boy- 
friend and Fm lost and I'm late and I 


don't know what 
pu C EET 
$1,000,000 wien 1 frst gor to 
woman on 
the mental 


New York. Every- 
one would say, 
"Where are you 
from?” but 1 
couldn't hear my 


states accent IM was 
maddening. So I 

evoked by went to a speech 
z class and said, 
hair colors, “Cu. Dog. rm 


going 10 the res- 
tauranı.” In thc 
movies, Southern 
accents are the 
most abused of all 
time 

There's such a 
variety, but pe 
ple think if they 
go kinda country 
nd sound like a 
hick that they ve 
got it. Steel Mag- 
nolias is a per 
fect example. Just 


her favorite 
bedtime 
story and 
how to live 
with sexual 
tension 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY PHILLIP ODXON 


with the six main characters, there are 
three accents. Dolly Parton and Daryl 
Hannah have a lower-class rural sound, 
and Sally Field and 1 are upper middle 
class—it’s а bit more rhythmic. Shirley 
MacLaine and Olympia Dukakis have 
the flowy, Vivian Leigh plantation 
accent 


PLAYBOY: How seriously do you take 
movie reviews when it’s obvious that the 
reviewer is infatuated with you? 

ROBERTS: If you take the good reviews 
seriously, then you have to take the bad 
reviews seriously. Гт not usually aware 
of someone's feelings toward me, but I 
do remember one reviewer who de- 
scribed me as "pillowy-lipped." I don't 
know why he put so much thought into 
it, but it did seem like something you 
had to look f 


3. 


PLAYBOY: Kim Basinger was the mouth 
of the Eighties; you've been touted by 
some fans as the lips of the Nineties. Do 
they ever get in the way? Have you ever 
hated your mouth? What's it like to put 
оп your lipstick? 

ROBERTS: "Lips of the Nineties,” babe. 
‹ ng. [Laughs] They ve 
never gotten in the way. When they re 
your own lips, you don't really think 
about them. But there was a time in 
high school when I felt a liule grief be- 
cause 1 had an unusual mouth, unlike 
the other girls who had perfect mouths 
with little heart-top lips. But 1 never 
have done anything to accentuate my 
mouth. It's crooked and 1 have a couple 
of little scars. I never wear lipstick. In 
fact, Im really bad at putting it on. Ev- 
ету time I've put it on, I've taken it off 
before I went out. 


ta be somet 


4. 


ve seen you with blonde, 
d and black hair. What does only your 
hairdresser know for sure? 

ROBERTS: My real hair color is kind of a 
dark blonde. Now I just have mood 


PLAYBOY: We 


5. 


PLAYBOY: Do different hair colors impart 
different kinds of mental states? 
ROBERTS: Red hair gets a lot of atien- 
tion. Irs supposed to be this Haming, 
passionate thing. It makes me giddy. 


ke 


PLAYBOY: Does it make any sense to ta 
your own shampoo to a hotel? 
ROBERTS: Oh, no. I love hotel sha 
One time, a girlfriend. said, “Julia, 1 
want my hair to be like yours. Your hair 
is so great. What kind of shampoo do 
you use?” I said, “Hotel shampoo." She 
said, “Oh? What hotel?” 


7. 


PLAYBOY: You gained weight to play 
Daisy in Mystic Pizza. What philosophic 
insights did you come away with about 
being robust in a thin-is-in world? 
ROBERTS: Daisy was а voluptuous throw- 
back to the days when the peak of sexy 
was to have the curves and the moves. 1 
decided it would be kind ol interesting 
il well executed. But at the time, I was 
flipping out. A big reason was that on 
page two of the script, it read, "Daisy 
Araujo, twenty-two, the kind of girl 
men would kill [or^ I would walk 
around the set and the crew would kid 
me. They'd say, “There's that girl men 
are going to Kill for today." Now, how 
the fuck can you live up to that? 


8. 


Good question. W 


poo. 


PLAYBO 
swer it? 

ROBERTS: Can I tell you something fun- 
ny about sex? I came to this grand rev- 
elation recently when a whole bunch of 
girlfriends and I were in the car. I said, 
You can live without sex, you just can 
You absolutely can sustain life without 
sex.” And there was this real quiet in 
the car for about half а minute, and 
then my girlfriend says, "Yeah, you can, 
but why would you want to?” 

Sexual tension is everywhere. | feel it 
and I support it. I dont partake of it all 
the time, If I had a meeting with ten 
men for a movie that 1 really wanted, 
the last thing 1 would think about is, do 
they find me attractive? I'm too busy 
trying to convince these people of the 
points I'm there trying to make. That's 
why I don't get that kind of stuff that 
you hear happens to actresses. You get 
what you give out, and maybe seven 
times out of ten, if that situation comes 
up. it's because somebody was giving olf 
a funky energy that somebody else was 
picking up on and that person decided 
to seize the (continued on page 156) 


nt to an- 


151 


PLAYBOY 


Lt 


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PLAYBOY 


156 


JULIA ROBERTS 


(continued from page 151) 
put that out there 
on of trying to 


moment. I dor 
unless it's a norn 
woo some guy 


9. 


PLAYBOY: 15 it true that for actors, it 
doesn't count on location? 

ROBERTS: I disagree with that. Гуе always 
thought of location as an island and all 
vou have is опе other. So a lot of bond- 
ing goes on. But these things aren't al- 
ways short term. E can say that, obviously, 
rate] We've all read 


because I've done i 
the papers and ka 
haven't done. It's bizarre to de: 
ports in the press about my romanti 
Why the fuck would anybody care’ 
when they completely fabricate some- 
it really blows your mind. I have 

ars of my life summed up in 
five sentences. lt sounds like it all took 
place over the course of a wild weekend. 
Гуе read flat-out lies so hideous they 
made me cry. But I stopped because I 
wasnt going to let those people get to 
me. [Pauses] [ve seen so many actors—in- 
cluding myself—who've been tortured by 
having gone out with somebody they've 
worked with. Anc loesn't mauer if you 
go out with for two years; people 
still call п romance. Give me a 


ng to go out 
store. So I 


dated someone I worked with. That was 


M youfe w мша dier wed la beu rn унй: esr boul roping ia lae = probably somebody I spent twenty hours 
a day with on a set for three months out 


FROM THE LOOK OF THINGS in Jack | sis ile Who am T going uo know ba 


ter? A person T had time to go out with 


Daniel's Hollow, there's a touch of autumn in twice in those three months? A complete 
Е > relationship can last a week if you walk 
the air. аи айе йїп hav your donor 


get, or something that moved уоп, or 
something that altered you. Ultimately, it 
just makes interesting lunch. conversa- 
tion on Mondays for people who are too 
y to get the attention at the table. 
want to be 


Seeing two of our employees toss a football 
around reminds us that fall is rapidly approaching. 
| Tk 

And we hope the signs are equally i Te wan p M een 
evident wherever you happen to live. но: етее бег 

А last week.” “Really?” They get seven min 
Somehow, we ve always felt our utes of glory—and I get hurt 
Tennessee Whiskey tastes best in 16 

р PLAYBOY: W re vou still a fool for? 

the cool айг of autumn. А lot of our Ones: [n a setting with the right indi- 
drinkers feel that way too. So we 
see no reason to delay your first 
toast to the season. 


I'ma fool for just about anything. 
Vm also totally gullible. I Fm told some- 
thing, ГЇ believe it until it's proved oth- 
erwise. 1 would like to think that you con 
just do that: believe people. 


11. 


т.лувоу: How did you prepare to play a 
prostitute in Pretty Woman? 

ROBERTS: I met a lot of prostitutes. They 
have wonderful hopes for the future. 
[Pauses] They weren't nice immediately. A 
couple came on kind of strong and tough 
at first. But once Г sprang for lunch and 


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took them to Del Taco, they seemed to be 
nice 


nd talkative. I met enough to 

e that a hooker is not what Joe Sh 

imagines one to bc. She could be the girl 
"re sitting next to on the bus 


12. 


PLAVBOY: Your ch ter, Vivian, dressed 
engagingly. Were you comfortable wear- 
ing an eight-inch leather skirt on Holly- 
wood Boulevard? 

ROBERTS: [Laughs] I took so much shit for 
that outfit. I know how to deal with any 
ind of attention that somebody's going 
to give to Julia Roberts. But the attention 
that Julia got as Vivian, standing on Hol- 
Iywood Boulevard in that outfit, was not 
the kind of attention that Гат used to or 
prepared to deal with. At one point, there 
were so many catcalls directed at me that 
Г went back to my trailer and felt 
hideous. I just wanted to hide. Vivian's 
clothes were a thousand times more 
e than anything ГА have in my 


you 


attention. Vivian would say, "Fuck you! 
Blow out ya to anyone who 
barked at her. I tui d and get hives. 


ass! 
nr 


13. 


pravsov: Describe your first love scene. 
ROBERTS: I was so scared and nervous I felt 
like 1 was twelve years old and had never 
been kissed. 1 was pacing in my trailer. I 
thought I was going to throw up. Then I 
called my mom, and then I did throw up; 
and then I called my mom again. But it 
went very smoothly. 


PLAYBOY: Is the; у 
films that you'd like to take back? 
Romeris: There's only one scene 1 was 
embarrassed 
in. But I had the day off, so it was actual- 
ly kind of funny. In Satisfaction, when Pm 
ipposedly in the van with my boyf 
the van is rocking. A grand amount of 
time passes by, as if we've been going at it 
quite long. Actually, it was an empty 
xd there were a couple of grips be- 
hind it pushing it back and forth. Iwas ar 
the beach all day. [Laughs] 


15. 


PLAYBOY: As а Georgia-to-New-York-to- 
Los-Angeles ısplant, what had you 
heard about Hollywood that wasn't true? 
ROBERTS: I heard, “Your agent is never 
your friend.” Its a complete and total 
fucking piecc-ol-shit lie. I also heard that 
all producers are scum bags. Also u 
of the producers I've worked with. So ev- 
erybody was wrong. But my brother told 
me something th 
remember t this is show business, 
show friendship. 


“You have to 
OL 


was wue: 


16. 


PLAYBOY: Rate Andrew Dice Clay's 
tion of your brother. 


ROBERIS: 1 saw it just once. Bt wasn't 
imitation of Eric, though; it was an 
imitacion of a character he did in The 
Pope of Greenwich Village, Paulie. Because 
I was expecting an imitation of Eric, it 
came and went so fast. It was very funny 
but everybody imitates Paulie. 


17. 


Tell us your favorite bedtime 


PLAYBOY: 
могу 

ROBERTS: A friend told me a story about 
Henry УШ, His sixth wife didn't want to 
dic. Because he did not have a good track 
record, she decided to do something to 
secure her lif y night, she told 
him half a story and she wouldn't tell him 
half until the next morning 
When I heard this, I thought it was won- 
derful. My friend said, “So what do you 
think?" But instead of telling him, 1 said, 
Ince upon a time,” and walked out. 


18. 


riavnoy: If someone were to brea 
your house, what wouldn't 
messed around with? 

RORERIS: I wouldn't want anyone to take 
ny of my letters or pictures; 
that I had written. Things that Le 
place. They'll just fall into the hi 
people who won't understand and who 
don't give a shit, They'll probably end up 
being thrown away. For instance, I have a 
letter from my daddy, the only lettre 
1 managed not to lose as a child, that he 
wrote to me on July 6, 1977. If anybody 
ever took that away from me, I would just 
be destroyed. It doesn’t mean anything 
te body else, yet I can read that letter 
ten times it moves me in a dif- 
ferent way 


c. So evel 


the other 


К into 
want 


you 
We 


tha 


19. 


PLAYBOY: What's the most annoy 
about actresses? 

ROBERTS: That they are temperamental 
and have Lo be coddled and have to have 
their egos stroked. 1 guess you have to 
treat some people as if they were fragile. 
But speaking for myself, I don't need to 
be treated that way. I don't need to be 
treated badly; 1 don't need to be abused 
for the sake ol a performance, because 
FIL find my performance. But I don't have 
vund me, ei 


g cliché 


to have people tiptoe 
ther, trying not to hurt my feelings. If my 
performance is bad, the best thing you 
an do is tell me, and not in a cruel way, 
“That's not good.” 


20. 


PLAYBOY: What should an actress always 
try to avoid? 
ROBERTS: I'm always interested in the way 
people speak and what they speak abou 
Do they talk about polities, for instance? 
I never do, because 1 feel like it puts 
something between me and an audience. 
Like with Jane Fonda—and I'm mention- 
ng her only because her picture is right 
on the wall in front of me—you can't help 
but watch her in a movie and 
point it will occur to you that she 
a workout queen or Hanoi Jane. Some- 
thing’s going to come into your head t 
will obstruct. complete believability 
what she's doing right then. So V try not to 
do that. It's hard enough to go to the 
nd watch somebody ally 
when you're in a lot of movies and more 
and more people know that you are Jessi- 
ca Lange, that you are Sally Field. Any 
thing that you can do to help the public 
get lost in a movie, the better off you are 


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158 


Free al Last (continued from page 90) 


“‹ 


When I heard you posed, I knew why,’ Michael said. 


‘To show that youre in control from now on.” 


“Uh-huh.” We were quiet for what 
seemed like a very long time, then he 
said, "I saw your pictures, 
What pictures: 

“Your pictures, L 

“You couldn't ha 

“Well, I have them right here. And ГЇЇ 
prove it to you: OK, here you are with the 
snake... and here's one where you have 
on a white terrycloth bathrobe, and you 
have your finger up to your mouth, like 
hhh!” 
od, you do have then 
he said, laughing, "and I think 


Toya.” 
г 


“мус 

“Yes,” 
they're great! Diana Ross thinks they're 
fabulous. You know, you're going to sell 


s than any other 
Playboy history.” That Michael, 
concerned with sales records. Then he 
got serious. 


more coj 


La Тоуа, you have to tell me why you 
did it. When I used to walk into your bed- 
room at home, if you were in your bra 
and teddy, you'd scream for Mother and 
throw things at me. And now you've 
posed. I think it’s great, but I just can't 
believe you did it. Why: 
Wells.” 
ait! Pm goi 
it. 
“Go ahead, Mike.” 1 found this amus- 
s perceptive as he was. how could 
ibly know? 
"OK," he said excitedh 
solving a crime. “The first reason is, 
did it to get back at Joseph, to let him 
know he can’t tell you what to do; to tell 
nd can make 


ir to tell you why you 


y, like a detective 


ou 


n that you're grown now 
ir own decisions.” 


My jaw dropped 


“The second reason is t 
get back at the religion.” 

"Oh. my God!” I gasped. 
Now, the third reason—I don't know 
true or not—is that you wanted to 
ack at Mother, too. I hope that one 
isn't true, La Toya.” But it is, I thought. 

"I never told anyone any of this, Mike 
How could you know what I was think- 
in; 


you want to 


"I know,” he said, “because that's why 1 
wrote Bad. And that’s why I wiggle the 
way I do and grab myself in that video 
and in The Way You Make Me Feel. W 
get back at Joseph, and tell them I can do 
what I w nd they can't control me. 
rd you posed for Playboy, 1 
knew why you did it. To show them, to 
tell them that you're in control from now 
will tell them. too. It will set 


any question in my 
mind that N | rebelled just as I 
had. From the first line of Bad or the 
video for Leave Me Alone, Vd seen a dil 
Terence in the persona Michael chose to 
present to the world. He was more ag- 
gressive, no longer the victim. 

While I believe my brother's videos are 
some of the best ever made, I'm at a loss 
to understand how someone who loves 
children as much as Michael does could 
produce entertainment th 
y and relentlessly depicts violence 
fake, for instance, the “Smooth Cri 
nal” segment of his video Moonwalker. Y 
can't watch without cringing the scene 
where the little girl is repeatedly kicked, 
slapped and stomped on. To me, that's 
not merely effective film making, that's a 
painful memory of li : 
of Michael's videos, intimacy 
is crushed by betrayal, anger, secrecy or 
Pain is always eluded by his 
becoming invincible, invisible, uncatch- 
able or unbeatable; its every powerless 
child's fantasy. What | find so. telling. 
though, is that in so many of his wor 
Michael casts hims 
no matter how 
nevitably accomplished through force or 
violence, as in "5mooth C; 
fter our conve 
began thinking a lot about my family, 1 
started interpreting my brothers work 
the same way he'd interpreted ту ap- 
pearing in Playboy. Equipped with words 
and images, he painted a far more es 
plicit and—to me, at ka paou pic- 
ture of growing up in the st g and 
manipulative atmosphere of the | don 
family. 


so graphi- 


. 

With the publication of my pictorial in 
the March 1989 issue of Playboy, I em- 
barked on a promotional tour, appearing 
ally every major television pro- 
including Donahue d Lale 
ith David Letterman. Of course, the 
first question was alwa "What. does 
your family think?” to which I hor 
estly replied, “Some agree with it, some 


gram, 
Night 


don't.” 
ment of the year. 

The issue hadi 
few days before my brother Jermaine 
went on TV's Entertainment Tonight, con- 
demning what Pd done. Pd posed for 
Playboy, he charged, because | couldn't 
get a hit record and couldn't sing. It 
proved to me something ГА realized a 
long time ago: Without a 1 hit record, you 
don't count in my family. My brother 
Vito, however, sitting silently beside Jer- 
maine, looked into the camera and said 
simply, “We love you, La Toya.” Tito has 
always been a quiet, steady voice of 
son and logic 

Га done the right thi for me, bi 
few in my family shared that view. Janet 
called me, furious not that Г posed but 
that [hadn't told her about it. My expla- 
ion that Fd tried to when she visited 
me in New York did not sway her. As I 
hung up, I remember thinking, This is 
only the beginning. 

Eventually, I received the call I antici- 
pated from Jermaine, who gave me an 
eartul. 

1 want you to know that you're a piece 


That proved to be the 


ге been out mor 


of shit! And Um saying this because 1 
know you're mad at me for cursing, But I 
want you to know that’s what you ar 


You've degraded our family and you've 
made us all look bad." I found that cr 
cism interesting coming from the father 
of an out-of-wedlock child. 

“Jer I said quietly, “when yc 
Im down and can control yonr tem 
then call me back, OK? 

He just shouted over me. nother 
thing: I don’t like you going on television 
nd saying that we agree with what 
you've done! None of us agrees, so stop 
ng il! 

‘Thank goodness not all my siblings 
agreed with Jermaine. Michael urged me 
not to reply to him publicly, as several 
publications and television. programs 
> dying for me to do, "Don't take Jer- 
bait," he warned, adding, “I want 
you 10 know that what you did is really 
great. But if they ask you what I think 

bout it, please don't tell them." As much 
as I love Michael. he seems to play 
both sides. 

Jackie's call was the most touching. 
want you to know that I agree with what- 
ever you do," he said. “I haven't seen the 
pictures, and 1 don't want to see the 
because you're my sister. But 1 support 
you one hundred percent, and Г love 
you 

Of all the calls, the one that said what E 
really wanted to hear was Marlon's. Hav- 
broken away from the family to live 
on his own terms, perhaps he best under- 
stood how I felt. Somehow he, too, had 
1 advance copy of the layou 
aw the pictures, and I want you to know 
that they are beautiful,” he said, “though 
I think the business with the snake went a 
little too d I don’t agree with what 
you've done. 


aine 


1 felt a twinge of hurt but said, “Mar 
lon, you're entitled to your own opinion. 
Thank you for telling me what you 
thought” 

Before hanging up. he added tenderly, 
“Don't let the other members of the fam- 
ily get to you. Just do what you have to 
do.” 

The biggest surprise of all was Joseph's 
response: none at all. Mother, on the oth- 
er hand, was bitterly upset with me. 
“Don't you ever, ever pose for Playboy 


again!” she sputtered when we finally 
spoke. “You've embarrassed me, La 
Toya” 


^p understand how you feel,” I 
swered, “but don't you think Jermaine’s 
overreaci 
“Don't you know that Jerr 
television and said those th 
he loves you so much, La 
replied, as if that made sense 
‘ou call that love, Mothei 
better than that! 

“Well, anyway, 1 know you didn't re: 
want to de 


e got on 
gs because 


Toya?" she 


You know 


“Mother, nobody forced me," I said 
firmly. "E had the final . T could 
have said no, but 1 didn't. | s what I 


wanted to do. But Um still tlie same per- 
son inside. Can't you see that I am still 
laughter? 

“Don’t you ever do that again!" was all 
she said before hanging up. (As you can 
see, I still refuse to take orders from 
home.) 

1 certainly didn’t expect Mother to be 
thrilled by the pictures, bur I didn't think 
our relationship would dissolve over 
them. I was wrong. From then on, if 1 
called home and said, “Hello,” she'd a 
swer, ^Hi, Jan ing her mistake, 
she'd then claim to be too busy to talk. It 
was as if I didn't exist 
pset, 1 told Michael about it, he 
dido t believe me, saying, “Doesn't sound 
like Mother to me" or “Maybe she reall 


is busy." I realized Iwould never convince 
him that Mother was anything other than 
a saint. That hurt, too. Michael and I had 


shared everything. All I wanted from him 
was a little moral support, a shoulder to 
cry on. 

I couldnt stand the coldness, so 1 con 
fronted my mother over the phone. 
“What is it?” I asked her. “We used to be 
best friends. What happened?” 
i've the one who decided to lea 
she sniffed. 

“But Randy left. Janet lel 
You don't treat them like this. 

She had no answer. But | did. This 
wasn't about love, this was about control 
ame to realize that the pictor 
a test to see if my parents could 
love and accept me for the woman 1 am 
rather than the little girl they tried to 
mold. Whether or not my parents agree 
with everything 1 do, I am still their 
laughter. But / am in control. 


El 


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Michael 


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MA 1 P MA DE ) | SAST [ R (continued from page 130) 


“Perhaps, with a little luck, Africa will once again be 


as full of prom 


e as it was 30 years ago.” 


Westerners imported to operate the р 
ms lefi 

e Ifa charity cant show that it is 
using at least 90 percent of the money 
it raises on direct applications, its a 
lousy candidate for support. CARE and 
Catholic Relief Services both emphasize 
development programs and claim to 
spend only about a dime of every dollar 
running their olfices or rais 
money. But even large, well-establ 
charities often hide in individual project 
budgets more administrative costs—for 
salaries, PR and the rest. Oxfam U.K. 
routinely raised money for food, then se- 
cretly spent it on political projects such 
as lobbying for the Sandinistas. Still, 
larger organizations can target funds bet- 
ter, attempt to avoid duplication, and 
sometimes side-step the more. obvious 
traps, such as having food turn up in the 


8 


. 
re here— 
nsequently, the r 
tions that must be imposed to stop 
famine in Africa are big solutions, some 
of them somewhar abst and alle 
them the kind you write to your Cor 


as politics. C 


mary 
ШИ 


ın implement strategies—such as the 
following, for example de- 
ned 10 assign responsibility and treat 
mine other than symptomatically. 

On the other hand, pressing for solu- 
ons such as those offered here can make 
you feel better in the long run, since their 
object is not just to feed the hungry but 
to make famine unlikely in the first place. 

* Halt all arms sales to all African na 

tions, Af is already one of the best- 
rmed continents on earth. Nations that 
have spent nothing on health and educ 
tion spend billions on defense. Inva 
ably, at some point, governments tum 
these weapons on their own people. 

* Punish the guilty. African despots 
re in a league of their own, not only 
Killing and torunring their people on a 
huge scale but, as in the cases of the Cen 
tral African Republic Bedel Bokas- 
nd Uganda's Idi Amin, allegedly 
g them as well. This can occur only 
when it is understood that the world will 
never punish an African dictator. If the 
globe is our community, then the guy 
down the street who keeps whacking his 
‘ound and killing his kids has to he 
stopped. Even if he’s not like us. Even if 
he's in Africa. 


are 


wile 


* Make relief efforts surgi 
relief agencies set up business in a Th 
World capital the same way Citibank 
does, with long leases and lots of capital 
equipment, thus institutionalizing the 
ob fan But the UN's 
Tan de Mistura once described to me 
small, highly mobile strike 
force that could. be summoned to an 
emergency area and have operations set 
up in a day or two—cargo planes coming 
and going, stringent monitoring of sup- 
pli trucks flown in and loaded, fuel 
and road-building equipment brought in 
from outside, sort of like a small-scale 
Operation Desert Storm. 
® Redraw the map to reflect natural 
political divisi 
makes much more sense as a loose fed 
ation of tribal-based trading partners 
than as an empire. Africa is a carto- 
graphic convenience, a continent filled 
with people who have little to do with 
one another. Tribal units are the tran 
scendent fact of political life. Imagine Pe- 
ти and China and Fiji sharing the same 
land mass, and vou have an accurate idea 
of African diversity. Now imagine them 
sharing the same state, and you have an 
accurate idea of modern African politics. 
e Put strings on governmental aid. In- 
sist on economic, legal and political re- 
form. |f this cant be secured, then 
whenever possible, cl istance to 
indigenous nongovernmental organiza- 
tions. Monitor aid 10 avoid corrupuon 
and theft. But lilt existing requirements 


ns. Ethiopia, for instance 


that U.S, aid money be used to buy Amer- 
ican products and services, since these 
require agle development. 


E 

Slowly, the cycle of change that has 
swept through Europe seems to be ma 
to Africa. The social utopians, 
g starved millions, are on the way 
out, giving way to market economists and 
social democrats. A few beleaguered 


swa 


the civilavar cycles may be slowing their 
расе. The respite in the usual run of 
African conflicts is giving farmers 
aps it will give 
them a season to harvest, as well. 

As 1991 draws to a close, there isa cer- 
tain optimism among those in the aid 
bu nce the logistical log jams 
caused by war have finally been broken 
and food is finally running down-river 
Perhaps, with a little luck, Africa will once 
in be as full of promise as it was 30 
years ago, on the eve of independence, 
when the continent produced far more 
food than it needed and sold the мир 
on ket to the bur 
denizens of faraway continents, such as 
Europe. Africa might do so again, but 
only if Af ns are freed from the ch 
сам by th leaders and allowed the 
chance to survive, even prosper 


the world mı 


ow 


SURGEON GENERAL'S WARNING: Quitting Smoking 
Now Greatly Reduces Serious Risks to Your Health. 


PLAYBOY 


162 


GRIP OF TREACHERY (continued fiom page 104) 


"There's nobody more corrupt than we are. We don't 
have morals. We got bylaws we live by and that's it." 


The more intelligence. people 
he more their ego comes into play, 
they figure they can't be robbed. 

But how did you justify taking property that 
was not yours? 

1 didn’t give a fuck. 1 had to make a liv- 
ing and this was the best way I knew how. 
I couldn't see any other way. I enjoyed 
doing what I use 1 was 
good at it. 1 was a speci 
rob poor people. That would bother me. 
I would always try to take from the rich, 
figuring that this ain't going to hurt 
them, anyway. Tve always said that the 
rich didn't get there doing the right 
thing. There’s always something illegal 
they've done along the line if you dig 
deep enough. I once robbed a rich guy. A 
gorgeous home, worth several million at 
least, We found jewelry, but it was all cos- 
tume shit. The guy who I was fencing this 
stuff to wouldn't give me a hundred dol- 
lars for it. But the next day, it’s in the 
newspaper that fifty thousand dolla 
gems was taken. Now my partners are 


doi 


beefing with me, thinking I'm. holding 
out on them. This guy was the thief. Hc 
was scamming the insurance company. 
Look how greedy he was. I actually did 
him a favor. 

You say you didn’t take from the poor yet the 
Mafia cheats the working class by stealing 
from their union pension and benefits plan: 

I'm dealing with the higher-up guys in 
the unions. How could T think along 
those Besides, money is the name 
of the game. There’s corruption all over. 
And there's nobody more corrupt than 
we аге. We don't have fuckin’ morals. We 
got bylaws that we live by and thats it 

Where were your parents while you were 
forming these beliefs and attitudes? 

My father had to leave tawn because 
he owed loan sharks money, so I didn't 
sec him for twenty years. He was a num- 
bers writer all his life, loved to shoot 
craps. My mother was quiet and minded 
her business. Just a typical Italian wom- 
an. All she cared about was her home. 1 
always tried to stay clear of her, never 


"I said I hope you don't believe that old myth about 
a man’s size being important!” 


give her any heartaches. My mother wor- 
ries now that ГИ get killed. 

When you watched. gangster movies as а 
hid, did you root for the lad guys? 

Ihe gangsters, always the gangsters. 
Dillingen су. They were the 
heroes. But Bogey was my favorite vole 
model Sometimes 1 watch Casablanca 
once а week. It's my favorite movie. All 1 
ever wanted to be was a crook 

How about giving us your list of the best 
Mob films ever made? 

Well, I haven't seen Goodfellas yet. Lers 


ay Godfather 1 and 1. Then— 
t one with rd G. Robin- 
son?—Litlle Caesar. That was great. Also 


White Heat. The Roaring Twenties was 
good, too. Thats about the best five. The 
Talachi Papers was a great movie, on tar- 
get with everything. On the Waterfront was 
another good one, too. | thought Godfa- 
ther 111 stunk 
Hollywood tries to imitate life, but, im the 
case of the Mob, do gangsters ever look to the 
movies for cues on how they should behave? 
Not really. The movies got their stull 
from us, we didn't get it from them. You 
do get some phony guys who want to act 
like Don Corleone. Sonny Riccobene 
used to do that with the c ove 
shoulders and always walking around 
with five, six guys. I used to borrow mon- 
ey from him and he would serve espresso 
with the sambuca and the cookies. The 
old Italians would do this. Sonny was try- 
ing to play Don Corleone and he wasn't 
even a made guy. We can see right 
through those people. Guys like that 
don't last. 
Is everyone vulnerable to being scammed? 
If 1 see a guy's honest, I don't fuck with 
him. You've got to find the larceny in tlic 
person, the greed. In my early years, | 
used to sell gold. I'd buy a fifteen-pound 
spool of brass wire and get it gold-plated 
Then Га buy a small piece of real eight- 
cen-karat-gold wire and have my jeweler 
fuse it onto both ends. Now I go into a 
jewelry store and get the jeweler interest- 
ed in this, tell him it just came out of the 
mill. T tell him it’s fourteen karat. He 
clips a piece off the end, examines it and 
sees it’s eighteen karat. So he thinks I'm 
stupid. At the time, gold's selling for four 
hundred dollars an ounce. I tell him, 
"Give me ten thousand dollars for the 
roll.” Then ГИ keep talking to him, don't 
give him any time to speak. I sold count 
less spools of brass. It wasn't me who w 
robbing them. It w r own y 
obbing them. 
Any advice to young people considering a 
life in the Mob? 
Well, 1 wish them the best of luck, be- 
as glorifying as it looks, and as glo- 
it is, it’s a tough fuckin road, 
Il you project any greed in this 
"s it, you're dead. And pow- 


greed, | Il work in con- 
junction wi ; But in my 
heart, 1 still think the Mob is a great 


thing, if you're dealing with the right 


people. But you don't pick them, they 
pick you. In the state of Pennsylvania, 
you got close to fifteen million people, 
and they picked about sixty. You have a 
better chance of getting into West Point 
I mean, I seen guys proposed who аге 
tough Killers and they won't take "em in 
The way it works is, we could go to the ca 
pas or to Nicky and say, “Look, I gota sol 
id fella here, we know his family and we 
could mold this guy. He could become an 
asset to the family.” And you re responsi- 
ble for the guy you propose. И he turns 
out to be a rat, you're dead. That's why 


it’s very tough to get in. 

But where's the big payoff? Everybody 
seems to wind up in jail or six feet under. Mob. 
sters rarely live like millionaires, even when 
they have the money: 

Some do and some don't. Some of 
them stay low-key. You know, a lot of 
these guys are greaseballs. They're from 
the old school. Give them a fucking dish 
of spaghetti and a bottle of wine and 
they're satisfied, We were living high. Je- 
sus Christ, look at Scarfo. Boats, houses 
in Florida, faney restaurants every night, 
fancy clothes and cars. Thousand-dollar 
suits. E used to have all my suits tailor 
made. My shoes used to cost five hun- 
dred dollars. I still got some. I don't wear 
them. I got no use for them anymore. 

How much money did you raise for the fam- 
ily during the Eighties? 

I probably b 
dollars and pocketed another million 


pught Scarfo five million 


and а half dollars for myself Vel always 
have about five or ten thousand dollars 
in my pocket, no problem, especially aft- 
198 
Did you squirrel any of il away, open а sav- 
ings account or something? 

No, you can’t go to banks. And we were 
abraid of safe-deposit boxes, because the 
FBI could check them. You know, they 
were following us twenty-four hours a 
day. And we couldn't buy stocks or real 


estate, because the Feds or the IRS would 
step in and ask, “Where the fuck did you 


get this money?” Cash is the thing. We'd 


stash our cash 
So what would you do with the money? 
Spend it. Gamble. Г a gambler. Га 
go to а casino and blow fifty thousand 
dollars in a weekend. I could lose that in 
an hour sometimes. ГА bet five thousand 
dollars a card in baccarat. If I lost, 1 
wouldn't lose any sleep, 1 wouldn't com 
mit suicide, because 1 knew Pd be mak- 
ing more the next day. 
Did you blow everything in the casinos? 
Overall, 1 must have lost three to five 
million dollars over the past thirty years. 
Didn't you try to save a dime of it? 
This was just pin money to us. See, the 


real money was coming. We were on our 
way to being cash millionaires. But I did 
and dollars for 
lawyer money. I had a guy holding it 
Scarfo had pounded it into our heads to 
keep some money because lawyers are 
expensive. But Charlie, my partner, took 


save about seventy thor 


that money alter I was arrested 

Where would you lake your vacations? 
Paris? Venice? 

No, we went to Fort Lauderdale with 
our wives. 

Did you have any desire to see the world? 

Nah, not really. We hadnt gotten to 
that stage of our lives yet. You don't se 
none of these guys going to places like 
that. Florida was our place to go. 1 hate 
to fly. 1 do it, but I'm scared. Fm scared to 
death of flying. 1 think of all the rotten- 
ness Гуе done in my life when Im on a 
fucking plane. All the evil 

So global deal making was obviously not in 
the cards for you. What was everyday life like 
in the Mob? 

Well, I used to get up, go round the 
corner. We had a clubhouse where ten, 


«| associates would 


fifteen made guys a 
hang ош. We'd conducta lot of business 
from there. At lunchtime, we'd send out 
for food—you know, steak sandwiches or 
cold cuts or hot dogs—and whoever 
came in would cat it, forty to fifty guys. 
We'd play cards, gin rummy or hearts 
during the day and conduct business. А! 
night, we'd go out somewhere, or to a 
casino on the weekends and gamble. А 
lot of partying, lots of broads, a lot of fun. 
This is when you're not looking to kill 
somebody. For two fucking years, I didn't 
see my bed for weeks at a time. I'd sleep 
in a car, stalking people, finding a way to 
kill chem. There were thirty-five people 
killed in five years in Philly wide open, 
cowboy style. This town was on fire. Peo: 


ple were petrified. Ours was the most vi- 
cious, violent outfit since Capone 

What was your life in the Mob like for your 
ex-wife? Did it cause strains in the marriage? 

Well, she grew up in a Mob environ- 
ment. It's a tough fuckin’ life for а wom- 
an. But she knew the good life, When she 
walked out the door in the rain, twenty 
umbrellas would open up. All the respect 
she got from neighbors, from merchants, 
from waiters. She got top treatment. | 
bought my wife а ten-thousand-doll: 
bracelet once and got her a hor mink, It 


was worth fifteen thousand dollars and I 
s. She knew 
that I belonged to the Mob, but she 
didn't know details. 

She didn't ask you for those details or bry to 
e you to lead a straight life? 

No. She couldn't say anything. I mean, 
that was my way of life and that was it 
Wives are showpieces, for Christs sake 
You just tell ‘em, Listen, I ain't gonna be 
home for a week, and they don't. say 
nothing. You don't tell your wife nothing, 
They just know. They sec the stress on 
you. They see the respect that you get 
from people. And they know it doesn't 
come because you're a nice guy. 


got it for two thousand dolla 


encourag 


Did everyone have girlfriends, as well? 
Mostly everybody fucked around on 
the side. Nothing that we were gonna 
leave our wives for. But broads just die 
for you. They love gangsters. I mean, we 
got the money, the cars, we're in the best 


Without Black, 
it would all be flat. 


Ultimately theres Black. 


91991 оёт. ша SOMERSET CO. му нү OHNE удае BUCK ВЕР 
эмо SCOTCH мок аъ ЛЕ 007) 


PLAYBOY 


164 


places, the casinos, and we got the pub- 
1 mean, Jesus Christ, girls fight 
over you, We used to get fan mail from 
girls wanting to meer us. All Kinds of 
broads—married ones, young ones, wa 


resses, executives, I had three or four I 
used to fool with. Sometimes 1 might 
have had seven or eight. That was 


enough. You know, how much could уоп 
get laid? They were available for when I 
wanted. them 
fucks, housewives. 

ny particularly memorable girlfriends? 

When I came out of jail in the Seven- 
ties, a public defender introduced me to 
this Jewish girl. She had money, lived in a 
good section of the city and loved to be 
around gangsters. She was the most vi- 
cious broad Î ever met. I get to know her 
and she's selling pills, She had an old 
doctor that she used to blow and he used 
to give her а lot of prescriptions for 
Quaaludes. And she would cash them 
and sell the ‘Ludes for a dollar apiece. 
She was grabbing, like, two thousand 
dollars a week just from Quaaludes. And 
she's taking me out and giving me mon- 
ey. So Т start to meet her girlfriends and 
they start telling me stories about her 

Were you sleeping with her girlfriends, loo? 

Yeah, 1 fucked every girllriend she 
had. And then I get her to confess to me 
one night that she killed her parents. 
Her mother was a champion bridge play- 
er and had a lot of stock and bond in- 
vestments. So she started giving the 
mother arsenic a httle bit at à ume and 
Killed her. It took her maybe two months. 

Youve got to be kidding. 

Ivs true. She had the body cremated. 
Then she starts to give her father low 
doses of a ad kills him, And she 
a few million. And her 
frmed the story. This 
blackhearted motherfucker So | devised 
п. | get this public defender to get 
mes of two FBI agents. Then I tell 
her that these two agents went to a friend 
of mine and want to investigate her, She's 
scared to death. So I tell her I got some- 
body who can reach them. but its gonna 
cost her a hundred thousand dollars. She 
gave me ten thousand dollars a week for 
ten weeks. 

You call. her 
you? 

1 was blackhearted. But she was the 
most vicious girl I ever met. | mean, she 
Killed her mother and father. How fuck- 
more viciou: you get? This was 
ould get the money out of 
her other than marry her 1 didn’t trust 
her. Pd watch myself if I ate with her 

Sex with her must have been relaxing. 

Ш used to do was make her blow me. 
She used to love to do that. She once 
blew me for an hour and a half while I 
was driving a car through Philadelphia. 

Describe the day that you gol made, or initi- 
ated into the Mob. 

И was a Sunday. The day before, the 
underboss had come over to my house 


senic 
got all the mone 


blackhearted? What about 


E 
the only way I 


and told me that tomorrow was my day. 1 
was driven to this million-dollar house in 
Philadelphia, with a big swimming pool 
and a big table laid out with. food — 
shrimp. steaks, meatballs, peppers, 
olives, spagheui—and about forty chairs. 
Twas on cloud nine. Scarlo is at the head 


of this long table and says, “Nick, do you 
know why you're here?” I said, "No." 
Yowre supposed to say no. 

What if you say yes? 

You just don't. So next, he says. “We 


want you to be one of us. Now. look 
around this table and tell me if there is 
anyone you have bad feelings with." 
look around and say no. 

That's funny, considering all the back stab- 
bing. 

Гмах on too much of a high to even 
think about it. So he makes a speech 
about how much Гуе done for the family 
nd then says that I have the freedom to 
leave now and that ГИ always be their 
friend. There would be no hard feelings 
ilI didn't want c No, 1 want 
10 be one of you. 

What if you had asked whether you could. 
sleep on it and get hack to them? 

Dead. Right on the spot. 1 wouldn't 
have made the door. I probably would 
have been strangled to death. Once 
you've been proposed, there's no turning 
back. 

What happened next? 

Scarfo points to a gun and a knife on a 
table and asks if Pd use these for any of 
these Iriends around the table. Ihen he 
lights a small piece of tissue paper in my 
hand while I say, “May I burn like the 
saints in hell if Î ever betray any of my 
friends.” He also pricks my nigger 
ound the table and 
Then we have a feast and 
a you're told the rules. In the days 
at follow, you go around and meet the 
уз who weren't at the ce 
word just seems to spread. everywhe 
you go. And everywhere you go, the re- 
spect that you receive [rom nonmembers 
is enormous. 

What kind a rules are you told about? 

Well, the family doesn't fool with kid- 
naping, counterfeit money or bonds. You 
can shake down or rob drug dealers, but 
Jend them money 
No fooling with 
members wile, You can't even look at an- 
other guy's wife. That's automatic death. 
n hitting another member is auto- 
ic death. He can ask for your life. 
© supposed to report once a week to 

"s a good excuse 
n't go out of town without telling 
m. You always have to touch base. 
You're also told that silence is the code 
and this thing comes first. It comes be- 
lore your mother, your father, your sister, 
your brother. 

But “this Ihing” doesn't come before your 
own life, does И? 

Right. Self-preservation is the only 
thing. 


join. I said, 


finger. Then you goa 
kiss everyone 
th 


Looking back al the entire ritual of being. 
made, does И seem like а total crack of shit? 

You would have been a hell of a gang- 
мег 

What do you mean by that? 

You're a vicious fucking guy. 

What are you talking about? Did 1 offend 
you? 


o, you didn't offend me. But vou fear 
nothing. And you fuck with the un- 
known, which many people wort do. You 
don't give a fuck, You're tough. To ask, 
“What the fuck is this ritual?” 

You're diggin’ deep. Most people are 
fraid to talk to us. Most people wouldn't 
even dare to ask us about the making 
ceremony. It takes a lot of balls to bring it 
up. Even members won't discuss it. I 
don't think it’s a crock of shit. I's 
strong, deep and very meaningful cere- 
mony. Here we are, forty guys, we're all 
Killers, and we're all one. The ceremony's 
gorgeous. It's just beautiful. It's а sacred 
thing. You pray together, we all hold 
hands. Its just like geuing Communion, 
for Christ's sake. Its better than that, In 
my heart, 1 still think it's a great thing. 
And I would do it all again if I h: 
start over. You know, there was nothi 
we couldn't do, nothing we couldn't pen- 
etate. You ve got friends, you belong to 
something that 
erful. If there's 
on earth 

Are most Mobsters religious? 

We're tormented inside by the evil we 
do. We know we have to pay, se 
someday. But we belong to this thing 
that comes first. We believe in it and we 
have our own laws that we follow. 

But what does God mean to Nick Cara- 
mandi? 

1 don't have any answers when it comes 
to God. Г go to church and 1 try to find 
Him, but | just cant seem to reach Him 
Every day that goes by, I think about how 
Гап gonna be saved, but just don't know, 
How can Tsay Fm sorry when in my hi 
Т know Um not sorry? I have no idea what 
to say to Him. I really don't. What the 
fuck can 15; 
ments, Could 1 say "Forgive me 
vi tells me I would do it 
n and again and 
? T know that Christ died for our 
sins and we can mend our ways. But what 
the fuck can I mend if 1 still have it in 
+ What, am I gonna be a good boy 
now? Because | have to? Im sorry, but 
Em not sorry, so how can I ask God for 
forgiveness? He reads the heart, He 
don't read the lips 

Does that mean an eternity in hell? 

1 guess it does. Unless I find a way. But 
up to now, Г can’t find а way 

What if there is no God? Then you're off the 
hook, right? 

Well, if there's no God, Tm oll the 
But there's got to be one. I feel 


ve. F 


heaven, this is heaven 


2 I broke all the command 
when 


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(continued from page 148) 
review this issue) leatures Mimi Rogers as 
a part-time swinger who gets religion and 
trades recreational sex for fundamental- 
ism—and eventual tragedy. As a writer 
hacking it in Forties Hollywood, Barton 
Fink's John Tirtarro makes love to a 
woman and wakes up to lind her nude— 
and dead—body beside him in bed, a 
scene that is, thank God, understated. 
The impact of films by young black di- 
rectors is strong this year, reaching well 
beyond the black ni white woman love 
affair that makes Spike Lee's Jungle Fever 
a movie not just about i cial ro- 
mance but about deeper social issues. In 
1 Rage in Harlem, Gregory Hines spends 
lots of time in a brothel run by a dr 
queen; Forest Whitaker plays his God- 
fearing brother who falls lor Robin 
Givens, a moll on the brink of salvation. 
New Jack City is another gritty showcase 
ar Wesley Snipes, this 
alicious top mobster 
s sex objects—and 
vals even worst 
n aggressive 
macho aside in Matty Rich's Straight Oul of 
Brooklyn. That movie's teenaged hero 
(Lawrence Gilliard, Jr) escapes from a 
stifling home environment to bunk with 
his girlfriend— doing the nasty.” as his 
kid sister puts it, just to help him feel bet- 
ter. John Singleton's Boyz n the Hood, set 
in south central LA, depicts а world 
where a black тее г (Morris Chest 
nut) hoping for a football scholarship al- 
ready has a woman, a baby and little 
chance of breaking away from an ever- 
shrinking circle of sex, violence and the 
endless pocketa-pocketa of police hel 
copters whir 
Director Gus (Drugstore Cowboy) Van 
Sant puts a perverse spin on sexual de- 
sire in My Own Private Idaho. Van Sant has 
two hot young Hollywood hunks, Keanu 
Reeves and River Phoenix. playing male 
hustlers—turning wicks in Oregon and 
points east with middle-aged weirdos, 
mostly men, and kissing each other while 
camping ош. The movie's most outra- 
geous bits are carefully controlled, more 
stylized than graphic—with speeded-up 
motion, still shots and humor to soften 
the fact that what we're dealing with here 
are blow jobs. In the title role of Rambling 
Rose, Laura Dern plays а love-hungry 
housemaid who bares a breast while try- 
х to seduce the head of a Southern 
household (Robert Duva Ш) wi back 
when. She's the cain't-say-no gal fondly 
remembered in flashbacks: voung Lukas 
Haas is the boy who thanks her for 
launching his sex education. Naked Obses- 
sion, released early this year, stars one- 
time golden boy William Кац as а 
crusading L.A. city councilman who 
strays with a local stripper (Maria Ford). 
then faces murder charges and—worse— 
his wile’s infidelity. "Honey, Im home!” 


time portray 
who treats women 


treats his business x 


is considerably more 


he says, walki on the missus and his 
best friend bouncing away on a table top. 
Even less inhibited but rather silly is Blue 
Mowe Blue trom Zalman King, the man 
behind such show-and-tell flicks as 9% 
Weeks and Wild Orchid, Ws the story of a 
sweet young thing (Nina Siemaszko) who 
becomes top girl in an elegant bordello 
but finally runs away to go back to high 
school. 

All but extinct in the obsolete lm 
of theatrical releases, adult movies are 
gly limited to video-taped prod 
ale or rental. In a slew of hand- 
somely packaged but cheaply produced 
features too numerous to track are the 
usual ripoffs of better-known straight 
films. Such tides as Paul Norman's Cyrano 
(His nose isn't just for sniffing any- 
more”) and Edward Penis Hands need 
no further explanation. The year’s most 
memorable hard-core adult movie, 
though, is probably. Secrets, directed by 
Andrew Blake, who made Night Tips and 
Night Trips Н. Blake's episodic, all but 
plotless Secrets has been a smash hit in 
France, and he is famous for MT V-style 
erotica—with good sound, scant dialog 
and beautiful people going at it in a big 
way 


For ing sex on screen, 
the British are still coming up with the 
real thing, or at least the surreal thing. 
As before, England's main claim to pre- 
eminence in eroticism is staked by direc- 
tor Peter Greenaway. Alter the 1990 
brouhaha over The Cook, The Thief His 
Wife & Her Lover, it was only natural that 
Greenaway's 1987 Drowning by Numbers 
would come our way. The clothes of every 
male principal come oll before he is put 
to death, in turn, by one of three closely 
related women—mother, daughter and 
niece—all named Cissie. The details 
don't matter. Like most Greenaway ef- 
forts, Diowning is patently devised to an- 
nov as many viewers as it amuses. The 
М.РА А. was not used by the movie 
advertising. which dimly depicted a n 
and a woman in a compromising pos 
tion. “The New York Times accepted our 
d, but the M.PA.A. kept giving us grief 
about it,” says Miramax” director of ad- 
verti d Dinerstein. “Drowning 
had already been rated R, but we just 
pulled the movie's rating and released ir 
unrated. 

Greenawa xt epic will be Prospero's 
Books, a fanciful ve of Shakespeare's 
The Tempest, starving John Gielgud, Is- 
abelle Pasco and evidently dozens. of 
cha nothing at all. No one 
knows, at this writing, whether the ample 
male and female frontal nudity will elicit 
an NG-17 and/or a thundering protest 
from the far right 

Meanwhile, other Brits keep lighting 
the torch for sexual freedom. Amanda 
Donohoe, recently visible as a lusty bisex- 
attorney on American TV's L.A. Law, 
rs with Gabriel Byrne in Dark Obses- 
a jealous British aristocrat and 


uncomprom 


st 
son. He 


hit-and-run driver who seems absorbed 
explicit fantasies. concernin 
зиз appetite for love. 
Russell takes to the street, back 
seats, underpasses or anywhere she is 
hired to put out in director Ken Russell's 
Whore. She also talks directly to the 
ra in this blunt, grungy first-person ac- 
count of a prostitute's true profession. It 
is not a pretty picture. The same might 
be said of Strip Jack Naked, ап autobio- 
graphical film by Britains Ron Peck, 
giving an account of his homosexual 
periences since 1962, when he was 14. 
Shown at New York's third International 
Festival of Lesbian and Gay Films, Strip. 
Jack Naked has nudity, movie clips, com- 
passion and wry acknowledgments of the 
e of AIDS. 
Foreign-language films, with a few no- 


ie 


menac 


table exceptions, are no longer setting 
the pace for adult movie fare, judged by 
what we've seen so far this year. The gor- 
geously photographed Ju Don, an Osca 
nominee from China, was disowned by its 
country of origin, which balked at bein, 
represented by a torrid tale of abu 
adultery and exhibitionism, The Soviet- 
French coproduction Taxi Blues is a cau 


Е 
Uc social satire lull of hard-drinking 
Muscovites—fighting over their women 
in a sly slice of life that has one unsober 
citizen playing saxophone in the nude. 
The multilingual Europa, Europa is a seri 
ous epic about a Jewish boy passing for a 
me Russia, Poland and 
Germany, sleeping with a female 
and wying hard not to let anyone sce that 
he has been circumcised 

im Tunisia, of all places, comes Hal- 
Jouine. Director Ferid Boughedir's hero is 
a 12year-old boy inching into puberty 
Aronsed by the constant spectacle of 
inhibited. naked women as he accomp: 
nies his mother to Turkish baths in the 
Halfouine section of Tunis, the boy final- 
ly achieves liberation. Boughedir delib- 
erately sets out to break the taboos of an 
Arab culture “looking back at the Middle 
Ages." 

Among upcoming films from France, 
one of the most eagerly anticipated is 
Madame Bovary, with Isabelle Huppert 
starred in the Flaubert classic about a 
restless middle-class matron who is driv- 
en to adultery, rebellion and suicide. 
There is more likely to be graphic sexu- 
ality, though, in Bertrand Blier's Merci la 
Vie. Blier tracks the peculiar career of a 
nymphet named Joelle (Anouk Grin- 
berg) who sleeps with every man she 
meets and transmits an awful virus to 
cach of her sex partners, The plot sick- 
ens when she falls in love with an 
unscrupulous doctor (the ubiquiton 
Gérard Depardieu) who encourages her 
promiscuity because it builds up his prac- 
tice. In the age of AIDS, Merci sounds like 
a cold French kiss-olf 
| wonder that Naked Tango, The 
mfort of Strangers and such super-siz- 
zling features as Zandalee (which wi 


and 
son still in a sweat) turn out 


straight to video, with Nicolas Са 
Erika And 
to be sumptuously scenic but 
spectacles equating sex appeal with retr 
bution and death 

Where do we go from here 
Dinerstein, Mir 
he detecis some 


ti-crotic 


Well, even 
ts that 
The г 
ings change was helpful. People 
perceiving NC-17 films as more adul 
теа without the much heav 
ma that was attached to an X.” 

Despite a current tendency toward 
the paying public wants 
will seldom be censored out ol e 
he near future promises further inii 
mate encounters between expectant pai 
ents Warren Beatty and Annette Bening 
in Bugsy, directed by Barry Levinson. 
This, lest we forget, is the story of Bugsy 
gel, the noted West Coast gang lord 
whose sexual prowess was legendary. It's 
believed to be white-hot. Ditto Wim Wen- 
ders’ futuristic love story Until the End of 
the World, due late this year, co-starring 
William Hurt and French newcomer 
Solveig Dommartin in steaming proxim- 
ity. No one is sure what to expect from 
such potentially potent book-based dra- 
mas as Claude Chabrol's Quiet Days in 
lichy, based on another Henry Miller lu- 
lu about the author's early adventures 
Paris and starring. Andrew McCarthy, or 
David (Dead Ringers) Cronenberg's Naked 
Lunch—with Peter Weller, Judy Davis and 
Roy Scheider swelling the cast ol a 1992 
release adapted from the notorious blue 
book by William Burroughs. 

A virtual cinch to stir the fires of с 
troversy is Basic Instinct, an erotic thriller 
with Michael Douglas and Sharon Stone, 

ich will also open early т 1 
"'rancisco, where it was filmed, g 
and lesbian picketers have already swor 
to boycott the movie for what they see as 
explicit gay bashing 

The way things go is pretty accurately 
summed up by the ad campaign for the 
current Mobslers, a major movie with 
Christian Slater (as Lucky Luciano) and 
Richard Grieco (as а more youthful 
Bugsy Siegel) heading a foursome of 
young hoods on the make. 
to sell the picture for its heat 
пу” admits producer Steve Roth, who 
dds as an afterthought, “We'd be stupid 
not to. 

Roth clearly perceives the enduring 
muth that sex on the movie screen means 
business—and big business at that, esp 
cially when the moon is right and the 
public mood is mellow. It hasn't been 
banner year for boldness. But while Wild- 
mon and such vigilantes come and 
crying wolf over the clear and present 
danger of immorality, the movies over 
which they re losing sleep will probably 
outlast them. 

E 


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BOTIOMS UP 


(continued from page 136) 


“Well, guess who that woman wa 
She smiled impishly and lified her bee 
“Bottoms up." she added, winking. 

Suddenly, Rachel came 10 life: She sat 
up with her mouth agape. I felt al 
doned. “No way,” she said. “No fucking 
way. You never told me this, Lesle 

Told her what? 1 was having trouble fol- 
lowing all this, my mind still focused on 
the poor guy who couldn't get it up when 
his wife fondled his prick. 

Giving us each a private, conspiratori- 
al glance, Lesley took a dramatic pull on 
her beer here I was with my sister, 
girls. night out and all that, and, man, 
were we wasted. We'd smoked a joint and 
snorted about a gram each and were 
working on our third or fourth Long Is- 
land iced tea when all of a sudden, the 
stripper dude snakes his way over to oi 
table, clearly excited. we could 
sce it bulging ther 
So what did I do: 
think? I crawled on top of the table—un- 
derstand, I was wasted—crouched Ше 
on all fours and pulled. them 
Boing! Just like a n-the-box. The 
whole room, from out of nowhere, ex- 
plodes; everyone starts chanting, Suck it! 
Suck it! Suck it! and I was like, what the 
hell, you know? I mean, he was just 
nding there, shaking his ass, his prick 
ticktocking back and forth under my 
nose like a metronome, and these broads 
were climbing on tables and shouting 
and stomping and 1 thought the god- 
damn roof was going to cave in, and so, 
fuck it, I did what they told mc. Right 
there in front of everybody. And what do 
you think these broads s ng? They 
start counting. Um nor shitting you, the 
whole room starts going, One! Tuc! Three! 
Four! like they were watching a game 
show, and from across the room. this 
black chick who couldnt stand и any 
longer rushes up behind the guy—Fm 
seeing all this from around his hip, you 
see—and she grabs his buns, takes a 
cheek in each hand and gives them a 
Charmin squeeze, and she's making 
these moaning noises the whole time, 
groaning stuft like Suck it, honey! Suck it 
dill it’s dry! So Y did. E sucked him till I 
choked. The crowd got more jazzed, they 
were going, Thirty- five! Thirty ix! pound- 
ing the tables, stomping the floor. Any- 
way, at forty-one, I decided we'd both 
had enough. Me and him both. So what 
do you think happened next?” 

Well. [wasn't about to answer that one. 
No way. But Rachel, bless her heart, gave 
a shot: “The place got raided 
“No, silly,” Lesley snapped, exasperat- 
ed. “I mean. did Гог did I not swallow? 

Now, that one I did take a shot at. 1 
figured it was 50-50, right? “Easy,” I said, 
You swallowed. 

“No!” she erupted. “Wrong, buzz, you 
lose. I didn't swallow. But I didn't not 


down 


de 


swallow, either, Listen to this: What I did 
was sit up, spin the guy around by his 
shoulders and offer him to the chick be- 
hind him, this snazzy black chick in a 
purple dress. And so she drops to her 
Knees—rach! right there on the tile— 
and sucks him dry, dry as a bone. And 
did she swallow? You bet your ass she did. 
»od to the last drop.” 


Yessire 


had 
of the ment on the arm 
her Bottoms Up stripper 
ternately, Alex or Star (one 
name, just take a guess, her Bottoms 
Up nom de guerre), Rachel and 1 did some 
redecorating in her room, which, to my 
mind, looked sullicienily lived in as it 
was, which showed how much I knew. 

“I want to put this painting over my 
bed," Rachel told me, displaying lor my 
visual enjoyment an enormous pastel 
drawing of a boule-nosed dolphin 
emerging from a foam of ocean water. 
“Think you could hold it up while I sce 
how it looks? 

I had to admit it was quite beautiful 
and green and the 
glossy white strip of translucence high- 
lighting the animal's tumid flesh. No 
question about it, the girl had talent. So, 
as per my role, I bestowed upon her the 
line for which I had clearly been sum- 
monsed: 

“Did you do this? 

“What?” she asked, a smile beu 
her leigned insouciance. “Oh, that. Je 
sus, years ago. Junior, sophomore year or 
something, I can't even remember now." 

“Hold on a second. You went to col- 
cd t0 swallow back the 
credulity in my voice, but it was too late. 

She regarded me with scorn. 

“Yes, 7 went to college. Is that so hard 
10 believe?” 


its lush washes of bh 


“No, no, no." L insisted. "I just thought 
you said you . . . | don't know, I think 
1 was thinking of Lesley.” Surely, T 


thought, Lesley didn’t go to college. 

But Rachel was kind enough to wave 
my sycophancy aside—why, 1 have no 
idea. What she did instead was rather as- 
tonishing. She absolutely, with no prod- 
ding on my part, opened up to me. Just 
like that, She sat down or floor where 
she had been standing, picked at the car- 
pet and began opening. Here's what 1 
learned: 

Rachel had, in fact, gone to college, in 
the lush environment of northern Con- 
necticut, and, no su re, majored 
in art; in the space of two years, she had 
acquired a fondness for Joni Mitchell 
and an adepiness at painting dolphins, 
but it wasn't long before she started look- 
ing for something else. And so. when she 
was offered a job at the Miami Seaquari- 
um, she packed her bags and moved 
south, where she served as а dolphin 
trainer for a y seven to ten shows a 
day. But at five dollars an hour, money 
got tight pretty quickly, the rent went up 


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170 


and all the usual etc., so she went looking 
for extra income. Nights at Bottoms Up, 
she assured me, were fantastically lucra- 
tive—and tiring. After a few weeks of 
moonlighting as a stripper, the Seaquar 
um began to complain. With a potential 
hourly wage of $35, Bottoms Up came 
ош on top. 

That was three months age 

“But I don't mind," she insisted. “Not 
really, anyway. I know I won't be doing 
this my whole life. 1 just act like I'm 
someone else when I'm up there, which is 
true, in a way: That's not me, Rachel 
Coleman, dancing in the nude, but Ash- 
ley Park—my stage name—this sexy 
chick who can fuck the shit out of a pole. 
The pole—l'm sorry; there's, like, this 
pole at the end of the stage and you sort 
of, 1 don't know, fuck it, I guess. Guys get 
off on it. But sometimes | get kind of 
spooked, you know? Like last Friday 


night. I was perfectly sober and I was just 
dancing like usual and from out of 
nowhere, it suddenly occurred to me, 
Man, what am 1 doing here in the nude 
п front of all these guys? It was just so 
weird.” 

What—she thinks that’s weird? 

“But now that I'm sharing rent with 
Lesley,” she continued, “1 
more money, maybe ei 
after all. And as soon as I do, I'm packing 
up and moving to Oregon." 

Presently, we did a bit of stripping our- 
selves—went bottoms up, as it were. В 
we didn't fuck. Not really 

"No, David," she pleaded in the dark, 
her pastel dolphin looming above us, 
"not so quick. I need to get to know a 
person before 1 . . . well, you know.” 

Curious, this in-bed shyness. 1 mean, 
the girl did strip for a living. 

The fact is, I wasn’t so sure I was ready 


“Td like lo have а nurse present—it's kinkier that way.” 


to sleep with her, either, Not that she 
wasn't arousing. God almighty, was she 
ever. Her hips were a bit squarish and her 
bottom had а sad, deflated flatness to it, 
but her skin was luminous and smooth, 
her legs sturdy and nimble and her 
breasts tumid and perky. Besides, she 
came absolutely alive when her clothes 
came off—a case of bringing the office 
home, 1 suppose, but not really. The 
thing was, I genuinely liked her. 1 found 
her smart, lively, interesting, strong- 
led, funny and terrifically arousing: 
1 was utterly capable of falling for her. 
And once I realized that, there in the 
nude in her girlish bedroom, I found I 
strongly disapproved of the way she 
made ing. 

“You're better than Botto: Up" I 
told her alter the "Should we fuck?” 
question had been sufficiently settled in 
the negative. "You really should quit." 

“I know, I know. | wili—1 told you I 
would already, remember? When I say 
I'm going to do something, I do it.” 

“Good,” I told her. “That makes me 
feel better” 

“By the way,” she said, sitting up, all of 
a sudden, “that reminds me. Гуе been 
meaning to ask you what you do for a 
ing. You never told me.” 

T thought about this for a second and 
then said, "I'm setting up contacts.” I was 
suddenly afflicted with a full bladder. 

“Hey, how do I get to your" 

“Wait a second. What's that supposed 
to mean? How are you paying rent” 

I plopped back down on the pillow, 
holding my breath. “I wait tables,” 1 ad- 
mitted finally, "At a place not far from 
Bouoms Up. Right olf U.S. One. 

She thought about that for a second or 
two and then said, “Didn't you tell me 
you have a master's degree or some- 
thin 


w 


id. “I have an М.А. in pol 
cal science.” 

We both remained silent for a few mo- 
ments. Rachel finally broke the silence by 
saying, "Oh," and with that, I slipped on 
my shorts and went back to my apart- 
ment. 


б 

Iwo nights later—or three mornings 
alter, I should say, as it was easily ях 
AM—Rachel paid me a surprise visit. 1 
had left my door unlocked in the hope 
that she would do exactly what she did, 
and when she tiptoed into my bedroom, 
I feigned sleep, though, in fact, Гу 
ake. In the dark, with one eye 
opened, here's what I saw 

А WOMAN. enters а BEDROOM, places by a 
DRESSER an overnight BAG filled presumably 
with work clothes and takes off her SNEAKERS, 
one foot at a lime, balancing on one leg like a 
sleeping flamingo. We see her unbution her 
cutoff JEANS and squirm out of them, revealing 
two shghily flat but nevertheless arousing oval 
BUTTOCKS, each accentuated by the frilly black 
THONG serving as UNDERPANTS. We get a 
closer glimpse of this garment when the 


WOMAN unbullons her start, which opens like 
drapery and presents to our view two 24-year- 
old MAMMARY GLANDS thal ошу hours before 
had been instrumental in earning the WOMAN 
a not-too-shabby $225 in wages, tax-free. 
Then the WOMAN lifls the COVERS and crawls 
into the wn, which is filled with a not-really- 
sleeping MAN 
мах: Ummggrrflinh 
Woman: Are you asleep? 

AN (rising from the bed and rubbing his 
eyes): Rachel? Is that you? 
WOMAN: Oh, you're so full of shit, David. 
"t asleep. 


You werei 


. 
For the next two or three 
Rachel and I were devoted bed 
Sh illy slept at my p 
as slowly be coming unn ble. Her 
baby sitter, a mysterious woman known 
only as Aunt Doddie, had finally had it 
with Leslev's ive financing, so Le: 
ley's hitherto invisible son Bruno wa 
ing there full time. The child had himsell 
a full-time Mommy—and a Mommy who 
couldn't wor ghis anymore. With no 
moncy coming in, Lesley responded as 
any financially strapped single mother 
might: She considerably increased her 
daily intake of cocaine. Boy, was she a 
mess. Boy, was Bruno a mess. 
Eventually, she found a new baby sit- 
ter; the problem was that the wom. 
adorable Hispanic grandmother n: 
Mrs. Monteleagre who lived upstairs— 
agreed ro watch. bruno during the day 
nd so Lesley became one of Bot- 
toms Up's handful of day strippers, As 
may have guessed, there isn't much 
in day stripping—folks generally 
like to read the newspaper with br 
fast. Most of w! she made went diı 
to Mrs, Monteleagre; the rest went to 


as Lesley 


ace, 


enterprising cocaine dealer who 
lived upstairs, and who'd found a lucra- 
tive new customer in lovely Lesley Lupis 

Meanwhile, Rachel and 1 made love, 
smoked cigarettes. spun plans, imagined 
ked out finances. But we 
grew tired of reminding cach other that 
nothing much was happening with our 
lives. As a result, our conve ion bega 
to turn toward Lesley's dramatic disinte- 
gration—a neutral source of encou 
ment to us both. 

Or at least I thought it was neutral 

"God, Rachel, vou have got to get out 
of there,” I said one night. "She's deter 
mined to bring you right down with her.” 


“Um fine.” Rachel assured me. "Its a 
bad month for Lesley and she ds a 
id. 1 can't walk out on her—what 


about Bruno? 

“But you've already poured all. your 
savings into the entire rent, the electric 
bill, the phone bill. What about your са 
Wh Her coke problem 
isn't your proble 

“Look,” Rachel said, “Lesley’s under a 
lot of stress. It helps her cope, she says— 


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which is bullshit, I know, but she helped 
me out when I got fired at the Seaquari- 
; she took me to work every night—l 
her my support is all." 


Support?” 1 shouted. “Lesley needs 
treatment, not support, | cant be- 
ехе" 


Hey, just fuck you, all right?" She sat 


up and wrapped her arms around her 
legs. “You don't know shit, You wait ta- 


bles, you're still mooching off your par- 
ents—yes, you are, dont feed me that 
bullshit. If your folks quit bailing you out 
each month, you'd be in worse shape 
than Lesley is. You have no idea what it 
means 10 be on your own, comple 
scllsullicient, nobody supporting you or 
putting shirts on your back. Not only 
does Lesley have herself to worry about, 
she has Bruno. Ws harder than 
think.” 
1 didn't nything at first; I was tak. 
g in the fact that Rachel sounded like a 
grownup. 
lly, I said, 
n saving." 
To which Rachel said, "And just what 
do you think I'm trying to do here?” 

A few minutes later. she got dressed 
and went home. 


you 


in: “She needs help is all 


б 

I never saw her again after that. 

For starters, one of my "contacts" came 
through. I was hired as a manag 
trainee for a wholesaler in Miami that 
specialized in children's toys and т 
rant supplies. 1 quit my table-wai 
and st ng in 
work weeks, driving all over Miami in 
hopes of persuading some toy retailer to 
ма ving a new Mario Brothers 
video cassette. Г also wasted hours and 
hours trying to peddle a table-waiter 
beeper system no restaurant in its right 
mind would waste money on. On Frida 
nights, I went drinking with my old wai 
er buddies, 

Since | was working days now and 
Rachel worked nights, it was no major 
feat not to run into her. As for Lesley, I 
never saw her, either—or Bruno, for that 
matter. Each night, as I dragged my tired 
body past their apartment, I stopped and 
stened for some sound to drift through 
their door, but I neve a peep. 1 
began to wonder if they even lived there 
anymore. 

And then, one night—a Friday, actual 
ng soused with the gang 
my old restaurant and I started spilling 
my guts about Rachel and my litle sum- 
mer adventure. 1 | never told any- 
one—not even my closest friends—and it 
was so wonderful to get it all out in the 
open that E literally feh something lift off 
my shoulders. Talking about her made 
me miss her. Granted, ГА been missing 
her for months, but this was the first timc 
Vd admitted it. What's more, as I gave 
her name public utterance, I also lent her 


hearc 


ly—I was ge 


a reality Га been suppressing ай fall. My 
new life as a “management trainee.” my 
new clothes, my new acquaintances, all of 
it seemed suddenly unreal and unsub- 
stantial, What mattered was Rachel, 
my bedroom, squirming out of those cut- 
off jeans. 

What happened next was something of 
a blur. One minute, } was at the bar at my 
former place of employment and the 
next minute, I was within breathing dis- 
tance of the Bottoms Up bouncer Га 
seen Rachel and Lesley kiss that day last 
summer. I stood there at the door with 
my LD., waiting for the guy to recognize 
me. But then I remembered. Fd. never 
been vo Bottoms Up. 

We tumbled inside, all five of us; the 
place was appallingly small, about as spa- 
cious asa mediunsized lecture hall. The 
stage extended from the bar like an 
enormous outstretched tongue 
tipped at the end by the pole Rachel had 
claimed she was rather adept at “fuck 
ing.” On it, a woman 1 vaguely recog- 
dee writhed and undulated in time 
the European synthesizer music pulsate 
ing from the loud-speaker In one corner 
under bright lights, two men played 
pool. МТУ flickered from the bar TV 
“So Dave, where is she?" someone said. 
"Seriously, dude." someone else joined 


па was 


› 


in 

But Twas having second thoughts. “An. 
"s get out of hi ed maneuver- 
ng my way toward the door. 

But on my way out, I ran into Alex, 
a.k.a. Star, who, I was stunned (and nota 
litle flattered) to find, recognized me. 

“Rachel,” she said, as if that were my 
name. She'd just finished dancing and 
was heading back to the dressing room, 
her tiny things—a pair of crotch-spliuing 
shorts and а bikini top—clutched mod- 
estly over her chest, thereby leaving the 
glistening moss of her pudenda bare as 
God | 
“Right 


“Rachel 


I said. Coleman. 
Is, Is she В 
Alex, a.k. 


ages ago. W 


. Star, said. “God, 
nt to Connecticut e 


she quii 
something to go to school." 


My heart sank. Now I hue 
go home. Immediately. 

"How long ago was this?” I asked. 

She hesitated. You should know all this, 
her look seemed to say. Or maybe all she 
meant was, Can you see Um naked? “How 
long? God, I don't know, a month, two 
months, something like that. It was alter 
all that shit with Lesley 

“What shit?” I wanted to know. [tried 
to will myself sober. 

"Forget it,” Mex, a.k.a. Star, suddenly 
corrected herself. “Look, it's great seeing 
you, but Гуе got to run. Have a good 
time.” And with that, she disappeared 
behind a curtain, her plump bum quive 
ing behind her. 

Î got a Jim B 


I wanted to 


am at the bar and sat 


down ata table by myself. trying to piece 
together this new information. 

Suddenly, a high-heeled shoe smacked 
down next to my arm. As Г looked up, 1 
felt pressure on my shoulder, and belore 
I could get my bearings, an enormous 
a one-piece minidress had 
hoisted herself, pumps and all, onto my 
table Whoops апа hollers came from the 
bar 

You asshole,” said a familiar voice, “I 
knew you'd come crawlin; 


woman in 


in here even- 


tually.” 


above me, her face fore- 
the stately cli of her 
s none other than Lesley Lupis, 
hu shift. 1 couldn't think 


g to say 


shortened above 


chest, v 


back on the r 


of a single thi 

‘Well, 
sneered, and be: 
table. Her dress—what little there was of 
it—ching to her as if she'd been sealed in 
the thing. “Some neighbor you are 
live next door and 1 haven't heard shit 
from you in months." 

"Same here,” I said, which was intend- 
ed to mean Hello. 

“Whatever,” she said into space; by the 
whoops from the bar, I surmised that 
Lesley had been “purchased” for me by 
my thoughilul friends. Вел 
thoughts, she said quietly, almost tender 
ly, “She bolted two months ago.” 

1 didn't know that,” I lied 


a howdy-do would be nice,” she 


a grinding away on my 


You 


my 


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И < 


“And why the hell по?” 

It was a good question. A valid ques- 
Чоп. What was I supposed to say? | 
clutched the side of the wobbling table, 
watching as Lesley's spiked heels cha- 
chad dangerously close to my fingers. I 
waited for the moment to dissolve. At the 
bar, my friends grew unsettlingly quiet. 

Lesley's heel scraped across the table 
and came down hard between my thumb 
and forefinger 


I can't believe you didn't have the 


guts to even show your face,” she was say- 
“Or call 


And what gets me is she thought you 


ing. I mean, we were next door 


were this nice guy. “But. Lesley, he's really 
this, he's really that.’ I said, “If he’s got a 
prick, he's a prick.” And I was right 


You're a prick.” 

But my drunkenness emboldened me, 
so 1 looked up at her face. She 
moving anymore; her hands were on her 
hips and her hair was wreathed by the 
overhead lights. “She never came by to 
either.” | pointed out 

“Because you threw her out! 
snapped. An old codger at the next table 
looked up for the first time: All this time, 
he'd been staring at his drink, so as to 
honor the territorial rights of my pur- 
chase, I suppose 

“That's bullshit.” 
absolved of responsibility 
that? 


wasn't 


see me, 
Lesley 


I said, slowly feeling 
“She told you 


“She didn't tell me shit,” Lesley said 
"Nothing at all. She helped me pay oll 
some debts and I found her a ride to 
Connecticut. End of story. She split for 
school, is living with her parents or 
something, and I haven t seen her since. 
She looked over at the bar and 1 looked 
with her. One of my friends was waving 
an unidentifiable bill. He looked pissed 
"God, what an asshole,” she said. 

"No kidding," I said. I suddenly expe- 
rienced the frighte 


realization that 


this towering woman still lived next door 
1 realization 
hard-on. 1 


to me. Th 


spired in me a 
chanced my first 
h skirt 
aw that she was wearing leopard 


tentative 
look up Lesley's snug, crotch-hi 
and I 

skin panties that only partially cove 
the brittle French cut of her pubic hair. I 


:d 


detected on her the faintly sour smell of 
urine. Her thighs were 
light layer of sweat 

“Wel she said finally, “nice shooting. 
the shit, neighbor, but Гуе gotta make a 
living. My boss és starting to wonder what 
I'm doing, so here's the deal: 


glossed with a 


This is go- 


ing to cost you twenty extra bucks. You 
understand? 
In fact, E did not understand, In my 


drunken state, | grew suddenly indig- 
nant—Rachel or no Rachel. 

“Wait a second,” 1 said. “I thought 
those guys already paid for it." It was get- 
ting easier and easier to stand up to her; 


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the r able side of my brain told me, 
You're doing fine. Dave. 

“They did.” Lesley said, grinding 
earnest now but still staring at the same 
spot in the middle of the room. 
id money to see my tits, But 

that liule voice you told us 
about? The one that's been asking vou 
what the woman's body looks likez Naked? 
In front of the guys? Well, that little voice 
has to cough up another twenty dollars 
or no dice." She pulled a shoulder strap. 
down and my friends began to whoop 
aga he old man looked up, too. “It’s 
the money, remember? That's what makes 


it interesting. Vm keeping this interesting 
for you, Dav 

I thought about that for a second. I 
looked at my friends, I looked at the old 
man, I looked round the bar. Everyone's 
attention was focused on our table. Even 
the petite Asian woman preparing to 
take the main stage seemed captivated: 
itching a Teddy bear (part of her act, I 
presumed), she waited at the edge of the 
stage and regarded Lesley with a be- 
mused, admiring gaze. 

My head hummed furiously. So did my 
prick. Jesus, I had a boner in a мир 
bar—one of the cardinal no-nos, Rachel 


had once told me. There was no way 1 
could get up without being detected, but 
there was also no way I could sit there and 
let Lesley grind forever, fully clothed. 
For now, we were the entertainment. The 
whole bar was depending on us. 

The old man at the next table said. 
“Let's see it, honey—get the lead out.” 

"You got about five seconds,” Lesley 
hissed, “and then I'm going to poke this 
heel into that lile thing behind your 
zipper." 

Hollering issued. from the whole 
now. Pool cues were pounded, Funky Cold 
Medina burped through the sound sys- 
tem and my hard-on was evidently not 
going away. This woman lives next door, 1 
told mysell. 

One . ..^ Lesley said, dropping an- 
other shoulder strap. The shouting got 
loud 

“Two, 

I shifted in my seat, stretel 

“Three...” 

With what I hoped was in 


g my leg. 


It cast 


mm 
1 plucked a 20 out of my wallet and gi 


їз of 


gerly slid it between the twin tow 
Leslev's glossy thighs. Verily, my left 
hand did not know what my right hand 


was doi 


tions to a halt. Slowly she crouched, her 
solid knees nearly bumping my shoul 
ders. Her heady smell—sweat, cigarettes, 
hourhon—engulfed me 

“Not only are your friends pricks.” she 
said, “but they're suckers.” 

She stepped rather gracefully off the 
table and smoothed her dress. Mean- 
while, Miss Teddy Bear was mounting the 
stage, Elvis Presley's chestnut of roughly 
the same name accompanying her as | 
fare. I held my breath, waiting to se 
what was going to happen, but Lesley 
simply reached for my Marlboros on the 
table and helped herself to a butt. 

“Wait a minute,” I said, "what are you 
doing?” I was unable to hide the panic in 
my voice—honest to God, I had no idea 
what this woman was up to. 

“Im leaving,” Lesley informed me. 
She drew the cigarette under her позе 
and smiled smugly. "Got a date. I only 
came in to pick up my pay check. 

With that, she fluttered her fingers i 
ewell and began weaving toward the 
ont door. 
“Hang on 


1 second,” 1 called. She 
turned around and grinned, I wanted my 
20 back, but 1 didn't darc ask for it. In- 
stead, I stayed right where I was, pegged 
hard- 
ou mean to tell me you aren't even 
working tonight?” 


to my seat by a doggedly persist 
1 


She turned. around and shook he 
head. “Haven't you figured it out ye 
she called back, the unlit 


dangling between her lips. 
gung 1 


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ROUNDUP 


(continued from page 132) 


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Direct-view TVs (the kind with picture 
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While ED-Beta offers what many con- 
sider to be the best picture quality, it’s 
mostly for serious videophiles and semi- 
professionals. 

SHS and Hi8 are less expensive but 
comparable in quality; both offer pic- 
tures with around 400 lines of horizontal 
compared with the standard 


Expect audio upgrades in both the 


SVHS and the Hi-8 formats. In the next 
di 


ital stereo 
of a CD. Re- 
> finally be- 
hat means 
buttons 


year or so, both will offe: 


sound with the audio qualit 
gardless of format, VCRs a 
friendly 


coming more изе 


better owner's. manuals, fewer 
to push and on-screen displays to walk 


you through procedures. One c 
Gemstar, is even offering a VC 
graming device called VCR Plus+, which 
automatically sets your unit after you 
punch in the numeric codes found in TV 
Guide and many local newspapers. Gen- 
eral Electric, ProScan. RCA and Zenith 
will soon leature VCR Plus+ circuitry in 
their new VCRs. 


THE LASER'S EDGE 


The laser disc is unsurpassed in both 
picture and sound quality (see Roger 
Ebert's sidel on page 178). While 
many people own both a CD and a laser- 
disc player, the most cost-ellective pur- 
chase is a combination unit—one th; 
plays eight- and 19-inch laser discs as 
well as three- and five-inch CDs. Pana- 
sonics LX-1000 ($1200) and Pioneer's 
CLD-3090 ($1200) are both excellent 


units that play both sides of laser discs 
automatically. If the two-sided-play fe: 
ture is not a priority. Pioneer's CLD-M90 
($700) accepts either an eight- or a 12 
inch laser disc and can hold five CDs 


simultanea 


MINI HAPPY RETURNS 


So much equipment, so litle space. I 
that's the lament, perhaps a minisystem 
is the. answ Most mini stereo units 
combine a preamp/amp. a tuner, a CD 
player. an audio cassette recorder, two 
matching speakers and sometimes even a 
turntable or a Surround Sound system— 
all reduced to fit in the space of a full- 
sized receiver and tape deck. Four new 
minisystems that would sound terrific in 
an apartment, dorm room or office are 
Nakamichis | CompactReceiverSysteml 
($350) and companion CDCassettePlay- 
erl ($450) Sharps CD-C300 (S750). 
with a six-disc CD changer and a separate 
subwoofer, Sony's MHC-2600 ($950) and 
Panasonic's SC-CH 10 ($1050), with Dol- 
by Pro-Logic decoder and two speakers. 


PLAY ON: 


Hand-held video games are no longer 
kid's stuff. Sega's Game Gear, for exam- 
ple, can be used by one or two players, 
has a built-in 22" 3%" color-LCD screen 
and an optional TV tuner/adapter that 
turns it into a portable color-TV set. The 
50 price (plus $120 for the adapter) 
isn't kid's stuff, either. 

Also check out Atari's improved Lynx 
. NEC's IurboExpress ($300) and 
Nintendo's Game Boy (black-and-white 
screen, $90). Of the three, TurboExpress 
offers the highest-quality visual images 
and, like Game Gear, it has an optional 
TV tuner. Another big plus is that Tur- 
boExpress uses the same game cards as 
the TurboGrafx-16 home unit, giving it 
an instant library of 55 games. 


TAPE FT 


Camcorders have come a long way 
the ten-pound behemoths that hit 
ket about eight years ago. A good 
choice is to pick a model that accepts the 
same full-sized VHS cassettes used in 
your home VCR. An S-VHS camera, such 
as Hitachi's VMS-8200A ($1700), will 
give you top-quality images, but conside 
other features such as a zoom lens and 
variable shutter speeds. 

Several SVHS (and standard VHS) 

amcorders take special minicassettes 
called VHS-Cs, which can be plaved on 
your home VCR using a special cassette 
adapter shell. VHS-C cameras are pint- 
sized and eminently portable. Howev 
the tapes can store only about 30 minutes 
of video when set at the best-quality 
recording speed. By comparison, all His 
(and standard 8mm) camcorders can 


record two hours of top-quality video on 
a single cassette. 

И you're serious about editing, investi- 
gate Sony's medi пів CCD. 
YAOI ($1900). I's the first consumer 
camcorder to offer time code, a function 
that allows you to edit tape with precision. 

Canon also offers а near-professional 
Hië unit named the L1 (53000) that 
takes a series of interchangeable lenses. 
The LI comes with a standard 15-ю-1 
(8mm to 120mm) VL zoom lens, but you 
can also purchase an adapter ($350) that. 
accepts the EOS seri 
Canon's 35mm still cameras. 

Another great Hi8 model, Sony's 
$1500 CCD-TR81, weighs less than two 
pounds (without battery and tape cas- 
serte), fits in your coat pocket 
up directly to your TY set for pla 

Once you've shot some memorable 
footage, consider investing in an edil 
controller, such as Panasonic's Di 
A/V Mixer (model W]-AVES, $1800) and 
Digital Special Effects Generator and 
Audio Mixer (model WJ-AVE3, $1100), 
Videomiés DirectED PLUS ($600) or 
Sony's RM-E700 (the companion to the 
CCD-V801 Camcorder, $1000) 


m-sized 


of lenses that fit 


NOW HEAR THIS. 

n or drive a 

th a cassette p vow ll probably 

nt a home deck for recording person 
The highest-quality analogu 


apes. 
tapes are made on audio cassettes | 
have Dolby S noise-reduetion circuits. 
They're nearly impossible to tell from 
the original discs, vet when they 
played in portable or car stereos withou 
the S circuitry, there is still very little son- 
ic compromise. Dolby S recorder/players 
are just reaching the market place and 
are priced about $250 more than con- 
ventional decks. 

There's the digital-audio. 
(DAT) format to consider DAT 
es, available in both full-sized and 
portable models, can make both live 
recordings and exact digital copies of 
CDs. A special chip installed in DAT ma- 
chines limits digital clones to first-gene 
ation copies; however, you can make as 
many analogue copies as desired. 
Another. new audio-recording system 
looms on the horizon. Developed by the 
Dutch company Philips, the Digital Com- 
pact Cassette (DCC) system will be in 
stores in 1992. Not only do DCC ma- 
chines record and play music digitally 
(оп special new cassettes), they can play 
regular analogue cassettes, 100. 


e 


also 


ape 
ma- 


OTHER GOODIES 


What electronic wonders are about to 
emerge? One is СОТУ (for Commodore 
Dynamic Total Vision), a CD-ROM-based 
interactive entertainmenveducation sys- 


tem from the company that brought us 
the Amiga and Commodore computers. 
In fact, СОТУ is 1 ally a home com- 
puter designed to look like a CD player. 
Software is available in five categories: 
arts and leisure, education, entertain 
ment, music and reference. CDTV units 
are currently on sale for about $1000. 

Philips will soon launch its noncom- 
patible competitor to СОТУ. It's called 
CD-I (Compact Disc Interactive) and, 
like СОТУ, it's based on five-inch com- 
pact-disc technology. CD-I also offers au- 
dio, text, graphics and interactivity and 
оо, can play regular audio CDs. 

While both CDTV and CD-I claim to 
be the be-all 
ames and entertai 
teractive format, DVI (Digital Video 
Interactive), vying for a share of the mar 
ket. Unfortunately, none of the 
tive/multimedia discs for these systems 
can be played in one another's machines 

Sony, too, is tossing a couple of discs 
into this ring. One, called the Data Disc- 
man, uses three-inch, CD-ROM discs to 
store information on a wide range of sub- 
jects, including education, business and 
entertainment. The $599 pocket-sized 
yers, which come with encyclopedia, 
ravel/translator and health-guide discs, 
are hitting stores this month. 

Sonv's second innovation, the Mini 
Disc (MD), is a 24-inch CD-type disc that 
is held in a plastic caddy similar to a 
3%-inch computer disc. Through the use 
of sophisticated data-compression tech- 
niques, the MD can hold as much digit 
stereo as a five-inch compact disc. Fur- 
thermore, you can record on it, and it’s 
shockprool, too. Sony has plans to 1 
this product to market in 1992. 
ast, there has been a lot of specul 
tion about high-definition television 
(HDTV), prompting many people to put 
olf buying a new TV for fear that it will 
soon become obsolete. Not to worry. 
HDTV is coming but not for several 
years. When it arrives, it will offer much 
better picture quality, digital sound and a 
new screen shape that's 30 percent wider. 

In the interim, look for the introduc- 
tion of wide-screen televisions, Hitachi, 
JVC, RCA, GE, Sony and Toshiba de- 
buted prototype sets featuring screens 
with a 16:9 ratio, similar to the width- 
height ratio found in movie theaters. 
These sets, which will initially be priced 
between $5000 and $7000, will have 
strong appeal to laser-dise owners, 
because many current LD releases are 
available in wide-screen (letter-box) 
form And, with the addition of an out- 
board decoder some of these wide- 
screen sets may be easily converted to 
HDTV when the time is right. 


El 


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By ROGER EBERT 


have a built-in resistance to new techno- 

logical marvels, inspired by my laziness 

to learn how to use them, so 1 wasn't 

very receptive that day five years ago 

in Tower Video on Sunset Strip 

when the guy asked me how come I 

was looking at the video tapes in- 

stead of the laser discs. 

1 mumbled something about 

how I thought laser discs were an 

obsolete format, and he chuckled 
patronizingly, saying I had them con- 
fused with the old video-disc system that 
was so crude it played movies with a needle. 
Now, your laser disc, he said, is state of the ari 
It works just like a big, shiny CD with а picture on it. 
And it’s about twice as good as VHS tapes 

That was an exaggeration. In fact, laser discs are only 
about 60 percent better than tapes—but what a vivid diffe 
ence that is, especially if you have a large-screen TV. 

Within a month of that visit to Tower, I was a convert 
Laser discs, I found, can deliver true Dolby rround 
Sound, often digitally processed. They also offer as many as 
three distinct sound tra Taxi Driver disc, for 
example, I can hear the movie's original sound track. Or 
1 can push a button and hear director Martin Scorsese 
and writer Paul Schrader discussing their movie as they 
watch it. Or I can push another button and hear only Ber- 
пага Herrmann’s score. 

Despite its clear superiority to VHS tape, however, the 
laser disc still languishes in obscurity. Fewer than 
1,000,000 of the machines are in use in the U.S., as com- 
pared with more than 60,000,000 VCRs. Although I and 
other video buffs have been praising the format for years, 
there п inherent bias, which boils down to three com- 
plaints: (1) You can't record on them, (2) You can't rent 
them and (3) Why do I need another gadget? 

пе, you can't record on laser discs—but since the po- 
tential laser convert already has a VCR, so what? 

True, laser discs are usually offered for sale, not rental, 
but most discs, despite their dramatic technical superiority, 
sell for less than tapes. Platoon, for example, was released 
simultaneously on tape for $89.95 and on disc for $29.95. 
Increasing numbers of outlets in larger cities are beginning 
to rent discs: They're cheaper to manufacture than tapes, 
do not wear out and are almost impossible to pirate. If you 
live in a town without a laser-disc outlet, the entire inv 
ту of some 6000 titles is accessible through many ma 
der unes w xh 800 nu poa and oven might deliver 


answer would be an srl to sheer hedonis 
life, eyes, ears and imagination. If you can experie 
movie with a picture 60 percent better and sound inco 
rably better than what your У 

My feeling is that anyone with a T V sc 
ite ntt ta ta eR DTE DU 
projection sereen of more th inches absolutely needs 
it, because a video-taped picture weakens as it spreads over 
large areas. As more affluent movie buffs commit to the 
home-theater concept, they'll demand the superior 
strength and clarity of the laser-dise ріст 


(My own setup is a ceiling-mounted, three- 
lens front-projectión system that throws 
а 120-inch picture onto the wall screen 

and addresses eight speakers 

a center channel. With the 
disc, the result approximates your 
average Multiplex, and the sound is 

better.) 

Another adva ge of laser discs 
instant access. Most discs are broken 
down into chapter headings. which are 

listed on the album cover, so you can 

punch in a number and go directly to your 

favorite scene. You can even go directly to an 

dividual frame and freeze it (helpful for stu 

dents of the Playboy Playmate discs). And you can ad- 

vance or reverse the movie one frame at a time and at 

different speeds. There's even a black box that connects a 

Macintosh computer to a laser machine; with it, vou can ed- 

it any disc to play or omit shots and scenes as vou choose 
(you can drive friends crazy with this 

Here's my list of ten personal favorite laser discs: 

Taxi Driver, as already mentioned, especially for the en- 
thusiasm of Scorsese and Schrader as they remember creat- 
ing their landmark movie and for the opportunity ro hear 
the last score Herrmann wrote before he died 

The Life and Death of Colonel Blimp and Black Narcissus, two 
classics by British director Michael Powell, who on the al- 
ternative sound track discusses the movies with a director 
who found them a profound personal influence—none oth- 
er than Scorsese. It’s a movie buff's dream, being able to 
eavesdrop on two great directors talking shop. 

Orson Welles's The Magnificent Ambersons, which set some 
kind of record for supplementary material, In addition to a 
brilliant transfer, it has a parallel shot-by-shot commentary 
by Welles expert Robert inger, the Mercury Theater's 
radio version of the play, footage from a silent version of 
the same story, every page of the shooting script, all of the 
publicity photos and art director's sketches (one page per 
frame) and interviews with Welles. 

The Night of the Hunter, starring Robert Mitchum, in 
breath-takingly good print of the only movie ever directed 
by Charles Laughton. 

The Indiana Jones trilogy—let’s count it as one—which is 

silable in superb transfers supervised by Steven Spiel- 

. himself a lase 

2001: A Space Odyssey, with a transfer personally maste 
minded by quality-control ic Stanley Kubric 

Ridley Scott's Blade Runner. 1 was lukewarm when I saw it 
in the theater, but the full capability of the laser sound track 
encompasses the viewer. 

The General, by Buster Ke: silent comedy often seen 
in scratched prints and shown jerkily at the wrong speed. 

s it emerges on laser disc, in pristine condition and at the 

ight speed, it’s great entertainment. 

The Third Man, with Welles in the most famous entrance 
in movie history. Soon after I took my first laser-vision play 
er home, I put both disc and VHS versions of the movie on 
10 compare picture quality. On the tape, it looked as if 
Joseph Cotten were wearing a muddy black sports coat. On 
the disc, I could clearly admire it as Harris tweed. 


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'ON-THE-SCENE 


VARSITY TEAM 


hether you spend your weekends tuning up your 
street rod or ducking into the trendiest clubs, the 
hottest thing to wear is a varsity jacket. Yes, we 
know that just a few years ago, a varsity jacket was 
the kind of locker-room look that you'd find only hanging in the 
closet of a college jock. But today, some of the best menswear 


designers have joined the team, mixing unusual and exciting 
color combinations with warm, durable fabrics such as wool 
melton, suede and leather. A chenille or leather appliqué of a fa- 
vorite team, a patriotic emblem or even a fashion logo on the front, 
back or sleeves is a must. Wear one with a shirt and tie or over- 
sized jeans and а T-shirt. Either way, you'll be on top of the game. 


Below: A day with their 1932 Ford “Highboy” is no varsity drag for this quartet, who are into the latest looks in team-style jackets. Left to 
right: Wool-melton-and-black-leather varsity jacket with quilted-nylon lining, by Reebok, $250. Lambskin zip-front varsity jacket with football- 
motif insets on back and sleeves, by Michael Hoban for North Beach, $650. Wool/polyester-melton-and-black-leather varsity jacket with 
chenille America logo on back, by Perry Ellis, $375. Wool-melton varsity jacket with cowhide sleeves, by Golden Bear, about $150. 


STEVE CONWAY 


Where & How to Buy on page 171. 


GRAPEVINE 


Up in Arms 

Starlet JOANNA ILENE REM has modeled bathing suits on Blues 
TV, appeared on the cover of a Glamour California Girls Spoken 
calendar, made a fashion and music video (with Andy Tay- Here 


lor), and that's just for starters. While wishing her luck, 


we're waiting for Joanna to get too big for her britches. UC ACE 


KING is on 
tour, perform- 
ing songs from 
his recent al. 
bumeThere Is 
Always Оће. 
More Time. \ 
The thrill is 
never ве. 
watching 

В. В. wail, 


Sally's 
Working 
on Her 
Laugh 
Tracks 
j Although actress 
SALLY STRUTHERS, 
has played a mil- 
lion parts since АЙ in 

the Family, seeing her bounce 
comedy ofí Rob Reiner once 
again last summer was a 

lot of fun. We caught 

up with her al a charity 


do, calling her muse. 
ORTEGA GALELLA LID 


PAUL NATKIN.PHOTO RESERVE INC. 


zum 


MICHAEL LYNNE 


You must hear BLUES TRAVELER on the LP Travelers and 
Thieves and in concert. Your booty will be shaken, but your 
faith in the blues will remain intact. 


KEN SETTLE 


The Eyes Have It 


We can do huge chunks of dialog from all three Godfather | 
movies and from Scarface. So we're always оп the AL PACINO h 
watch. His latest film, Frankie and Johnny, reunites him with 
Scarface co-star Michelle Pfeiffer. They play a couple of blue-col- 
lar co-workers who have a fling. It’s a long way from whacking out 
bad guys, but we're willing to risk 


= ROBERT MATHEU 


Queen of the B's 
When you think of MICHELLE BAUER, what comes to mind? 
Sorority Babes in the Slime Ball Bowl-o-Rama, Hollywood 
Chainsaw Hookers or her role as a nun in Spirits? Michelle 
thinks this stuff is amusing. “My philosophy is to have fun . . . 
enjoy what I'm doing.” To tell you the truth, so do we. 


Do 
You 
Know 
Susie? 
Singer SUSIE | 
HATTON is 

lucky; she 

sounds great 

and looks fine. 

Want proof? 

Check out her 

debut LP, Body 

8 Soul. Catch 

her in concert. 

Hatton calls her 

songs “tales of 

love, lust and 

what comes in 

between." 
Gotcha, Susie. 


MARCH WITH THE LEGION 


Hardened cı shiftless chivalric knights, 
mer y soldiers seeking fortune and adven- 
ture—and all willing to die for France. That's 
the French Foreign Legion. And if you think 
life in the legion is like the movie Beau Geste, 
pick up a copy of The French Foreign Legion, by 
Douglas Porch, subtitled “A Complete History 
of the у Fighting Force,” from Harp- 
er-Collins. It's 728 pages of danger, desertion 
and death, all for $35. Our kind of crowd. 


CULTURE SCHLOCK 


“The ultimate source . . . for all those things 
you loved .. . even the things your mother 
threw away when you were away at school” is 
how Avon Books describes The Whole Pop 
Catalog. Ad characters, rubber stamps, surf 
sounds, diners, Betty Boop, classic detectives 
and much more are examined within its 608 
pages. Look for the catalog in bookstores or call 
Avon at 800-223-0690 to order a сору. A 
way to blow 20 bucks. 


POTPOURRI 


HOT ROD 


Looking for a piece of 
exercise equipment that 
will tone, sculpt and 
strengthen your mus- 
cles without having to 
take up half the floor 
space in your apart- 
ment? Check out the 
Stealth Gym Flexercis- 
er, a 60-inch-long, tw. 
pound rod made of 
the same high-tech 
fiber that's found in 
the Stealth bombe: 
To exercise with it, you 
J slip your hands into the 
wrist straps and bend 
the Flexerciser (which 
is three times stronger 
Ú steel) into any of 
100 positions, about 12 
times. The rod can't 
break and it snaps back 
perfectly straight, Exer- 
cise Products in Dallas 
sells the Flexerciser for 
6.50, postpaid, in- 
cluding an exercise 
chart. Call 800-621- 


1203 to order. 


LORD OF THE RING 


No, The Ultimate Warrior isn't the name of Arnold Schwarz- 
enegger's next film. It's a fully programmable, computer-con- 
trolled training system with 46 targets to keep anyone who has 
the nerve to challenge it moving, ducking and punching. 
"Thomas Stephens, the C.E.O. of EverFast Equipment in 
ne, Washington, created the Warrior because he wanted an 

nt that forced him “to throw up to 300 punches per 
round." The Air Force Academy in Colorado Springs has 
ordered the ior and it will also be featured in 

ag Hollywood films. Call 800-473-0010 to order a dem- 


on video tape for $11.95. Watching it makes you tired. 


LIGHT UP THE BARREL 


If you want the coziness of a roaring 
hearth but don't have the proper venti- 
ation, check out Mastercraft Metal's 
barrel fireplace that burns gebalcobol 
fuels for three hours. There's no smoke 
and just enough heat to toast your toot- 
sies. A 30-gallon oak barrel sells for 
$400, plus shipping, while the 50-gallon 
model sells for $500. (Both house ce- 
ramic logs that hold the cans of gel.) 
Call 800-654-1704 lor more information 


on how to order. Fire when ready* 


STICK IT TO JESSE 


If you don’t care for the stand that 
“Senator No” of North Carolina takes 
on civil rights and other issues, then 
stick it to him with a Revenge dartboard 
game. In the board’s center is a comput- 
er-generated caricature of Jesse Helms. 
The price: $27.95, plus shipping, sent to 
Art Dart at PO. Box 49508, Greensboro, 
North Carolina 27419, or call 800-338- 
5755. Ready! Aim! Bull’s-eye! 


SKELETON CREW 


For all you Halloween freaks 
who just can't get enough of 
creepy good thing, the Anator 
cal Chart Company. 8221 Kim- 
ball Avenue, Skokie, Illinois 
60076, is selling a 36-inch-tall 
plastic skeleton named Mr. 
Thrifty at a price that won't cost. 
you an arm and a leg. Only 
$54.95, postpaid, including a 
metal stand and а clear-plastic 
dust cover. (Yes, his jaw moves 


and all dem bones are connected 
to one another.) Of corpse, if you 


have to own a life-sized model, 


Anatomical also sells one in plas- 


tic for $440, postpaid, that's a 
scream at parties. To order 
either one, call 800-621-7500. 


LIQUID 
TREASURE 


Fifty years ago, the British 
cargo ship S.S. Politician ran 
aground in the Outer Heb. 
rides, taking with ita load of 
Scotch whisky. Last year, a sal- 
vage company recovered sev- 
eral dozen bottles, and now 
New World Wine Company 
Ltd. in Wynnewood, Pennsy 
vania, is marketing a blend of 
the old Scotch mixed with a 
contemporary stock of fine 


whiskies in a commemorative 
decanter emblazoned with the 
пате s.s. POLITICIAN "WHISKY 
слове." The price per bottle 
will be about $300, including 
a history of the wreck and the 
salvage. Call 800-347- 
for the nearest retailer. 


FOR GOOD 
FELLAS ONLY 
Miscellaneous Man, a vintage 
graphics company, has just is- 
sued Gentlemen's Pleasures, а 
color catalog containing dozens 
of posters created between 1900 


and the Forties that celebrate the 


fine art of drinking, smoking, 
driving, riding, shooting and 
other manly pastimes. The 
framed 1915 London Life 
cigarettes poster pictured here, 
for example, costs $473. A cata- 
log costs five dollars sent to Mis- 
cellaneous Man, PO. Box 1776, 
New Freedom, Pennsyl 
173 all 717 56. 
(М.М. also publishes catalogs on 
other subjects.) It's nice suff, 
and the owner, George 
Theofiles, is one hell of a guy 


185 


MYSTERY TOUR 


COMING NEXT: OUR GALA CHRISTMAS ISSUE 


GENIUS WAITRESS 


CHRISTMAS GOODIES 


"KWOON"—A MERCHANT MARINER, WITH FOREARMS 
LIKE POPEYE'S, LEARNS A LESSON ABOUT RESPECT 
AFTER SPARRING WITH HIS MARTIAL-ARTS TEACHER— 
FICTION BY CHARLES JOHNSON 


“THE GENIUS WAITRESS"— SHE'S SWEET AND SASSY, 
FUNNY AND SMART. AN ODE TO THE ANGEL OF APPLE PIE 
WHO READS MEN LIKE A MENU, ON DUTY AT A RESTAU- 
RANT NEAR YOU—BY TOM ROBBINS 


JOE PESCI TELLS US WHERE HE LEARNED TO FIGHT, ОЕ. 
SCRIBES HIS PERFECT WOMAN AND COMPLAINS ABOUT 
THE JERKS WHO TELL YOU “DON'T BE BITTER" IN A GRIT- 
TY "20 QUESTIONS" 


"WHAT WE GET FROM GIVING"—A FAMOUSLY ARTICU- 
LATE CONSERVATIVE REVEALS WHY HIS LATEST CRU- 
SADE IS VOLUNTEERISM—BY WILLIAM Е BUCKLEY, JR. 


"PLAYBOY'S GUIDE TO HOLIDAY DEPORTMENT"— 
HOW TO NAVIGATE THE OFFICE CHRISTMAS PARTY AND 
THE FAMILY GATHERING SAFELY. DON'T EVEN TRY TO GET 
THROUGH THE SEASON WITHOUT IT 


“WOODY ALLEN"—FIND OUT WHY THE BRILLIANT COM- 
IC, FILM MAKER AND SURVIVOR OF 16 DEFINITIVE STUD- 
IES IS REALLY A FAKE SCHLEMIEL—A PLAYBOY PROFILE 
BY MORDECAI RICHLER 


"JERUSALEM"—WE SENT OUR WISE MAN ON A PIL- 
GRIMAGE TO THE CITY THAT HOLDS THE SECRETS OF 
THE MIDDLE EAST—BY BRUCE JAY FRIEDMAN 


SEX STARS 


“HOW TO ARGUE"—IT'S NOT WHO WINS OR LOSES, IT'S 
HOW YOU PRESENT YOUR CASE. SO PUT AWAY THE BOX- 
ING GLOVES AND READ THE ULTIMATE GUIDE TO FIGHT- 
ING AND STILL HAVING SEX—BY MICHAEL CRICHTON 


"A ROSE BY ANOTHER NAME" THE REALLY GOOD 
STUFF THAT WAS LEFT OUT OF THE PETE ROSE BIOG- 
RAPHY—BY ROGER KAHN 


"ISABELLE"—FRENCH ACTRESS ISABELLE PASCO IS 
KNOCKING OUT AMERICAN AUDIENCES IN PETER 
GREENAWAY'S NEW FILM PROSPERO'S BOOKS. YOU'LL 
SEE EVEN MCRE OF THIS EUROPEAN BOMBSHELL IN AN 
UNFORGETTABLE PLAYBOY PICTORIAL 


CARL SAGAN DEMYSTIFIES SCIENCE, GRIPES ABOUT 
MANNED SPACE FLIGHTS AND EXPLAINS WHY THE SKY IS 
BLUE IN A COSMIC PLAYBOY INTERVIEW 


“FAHRVERGNÜGEN"—RAMSEY FINDS HIMSELF ON AN 
EROTIC, MAGICAL MYSTERY TOUR IN AN OLD VW BUS— 
FICTION BY JANE SMILEY 


PLUS: "SEX STARS 1991," TEXT BY JIM HARWOOD; 
"PLAYBOY JAZZ AND ROCK POLL"; STYLISH CLOTHES 
FOR STYLISH MEN—OUR FAVORITE LEADING MEN, THAT 
IS— FASHION BY HOLLIS WAYNE; “PLAYBOY'S CHRIST- 
MAS GIFT COLLECTION," A VERY SPECIAL PICTORIAL 
WITH HOSTESS DIAN PARKINSON OF THE PRICE 15 
RIGHT. “THE SINGLE GUY'S GUIDE TO SKIING"; AND 
MUCH MORE 


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Conta Cel 


IN QUALITY AND SMOOTHNESS SINCE 1858. 


A PREMIUM WHISKY, UNRIVALED 


40%, мс hot Blended Canadian Маху imported m Бове by Hiram Waker Sone In Farmington Hit MI 1991 


© The American Tobacco Co. 1991. 


A fistful of flavor 
for small change. 


Filters: 14 mg. “tar”, 1.1 mg. nicotine 
av. per cigarette by FTC method 


SURGEON GENERAL'S WARNING: Smoking 
Causes Lung Cancer, Heart Disease, 
Emphysema, And May Complicate Pregnancy.