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INTERVIEWS 
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9 ASPEN 


PLAYBILL 


IFS FEBRUARY AGAIN and, in 1992, you can't help wondering: 
Will this be a good year for the people who sell valentines? 
Can it be politically correct or even decent to send a romantic 
message when it might, in the wake of Clarence Thomas and Ani- 
be construed as a U.S.A.? That's U.S.A. as in unwanted 
sexual advance. In The Thinking Man's Guide to Working with 
Women, Contributing Editor Denis Boyles cuts to the chase with 
a wit and a wisdom that will leave you wondering why, in this 
age of communication, men and women still can't read one 
another's signals. Senior Staff Writer James R. Petersen's View- 
point, “Mixed Company,” suggests ways to distinguish office 
pest from office prude; Robert Scheer, in his Reporter's Notebook, 
“Putting Sex in Its Place,” visits the front lines of the work- 
place, while Men columnist Asa Baber provides covering fire in 
his reflections on life in a time of sexual inquisition. 

Richard Lewis may have found fame and fortune in his role as 
America's favorite neurotic, but is he happy? Does a man even 
deserve happiness when he’s sent off to Rome to shoot a 
movie with Sean Young, the woman who gave new meaning to 
limo liberalism in her No Way Out encounter with Kevin Cost- 
ner? In My Roman Holiday, Lewis stocks up on condoms for a 
philosophical—and inous—prowl through the city that 
gave us La Dolce Vila. The illustration is by Blair Drawson. 

Donald E. Westlake returns with a tale of courtship in the 
cash-poor Nineties, Love in the Lean Years, with a painting by 
Martin Hoffman. When a three-time widow and a stockbroker 
with a coke habit take their true romance to the altar, are they 
motivated by love, money or the double-indemnity clause? 

Supermodel Rachel Williams combines startling beauty with a 
razor-sharp intellect. Both qualities are celebrated in Sante 
D'Orazie's photographs and Glenn O'Brien's profile Rachel, 
Rachel (in which we learn that Rachel's favorite season starts 
with M). Other lovely ladies are, as ever, in abundance this 
month, among them actress Jennifer Jason Leigh, who has 
staked out the steamy professional turf in hookerland. In a 
provocative 20 Questions with Contributing Editor David 
Rensin, Jennifer talks about the eroticism of bad-girl roles. 

Our Playboy Interview subject makes it her professional busi- 
ness to find out the private business of the very famous. She 
broke the story of the impending Trump divorce, just one of 
the scoops that have made Liz Smith the queen of dish. Con- 
tributing Editor Devid Sheff has a most titillating conversation 
with this compelling journalist. 

More than four decades after his brutally violent send-off, 
the legend of Ben “Bugsy” Siegel, the man who invented 
Vegas, lives on in Warren Beatty's movie. Author Pete Hamill 
takes a look in Bugsy Siegel's Fabulous Dream. 

In The Conspiracy That Won't Go Away, writer Carl Oglesby 
checks in with veteran conspiracy theorist Jim Garrison, former 
New Orleans D.A., to update the conventional wisdom about 
the assassination of John F. Kennedy, the subject of Oliver Stone's 
new movie. [s it America's most notorious Cover-up? John 
Thompson provided the illustration. 

Our fashion pages feature a guide to dressing for success in 
second lines by top designers. In Playboy's Automotive Report, 
Contributing Editor Ken Gross and a panel of judges pick the 
hottest cars in a dozen categories—from sports car to luxury. 
Don't miss our Car of the Year. The envelope, please. 

Playboy's World Tour "92 takes you across more-distant hori- 
zons in a pictorial featuring some of the international stun- 
ners from our many foreign editions, proving—as if we didn't 
know—that beauty knows no borders. Nor does Playmate 
Tanya Beyer, who's traveled the globe as a model. The man who 
wins her heart must be very romantic. Send her a valentine. 


OGLESBY THOMPSON 


Playboy (ISSN 0032-1478), February 1992, volume 39, number 2. Published monthly by Playboy in 
680 North Lake Shore Drive, Chicago, Illinois 60611. Second-class postage paid at Chicago, Illi 


ational and regional editions, Playboy, 
ois, and at additional mailing offices. 


Subscriptions: in the U.S., $29.97 for 12 issues. Postmaster: Send address change to Playboy, РО. Box 2007, Harlan, lowa 51537-4007. 


PLAYBOY 


vol. 39, no 2—february 1992 CONTENTS FOR THE MEN'S ENTERTAINMENT MAGAZINE 
PLAYBILL 3 
DEAR PLAYBOY Lice n n memet nnne 9 
PLAYBOY AFTER HOURS .... 18 
MEN. . ASA BABER 32 


THE PLAYBOY ADVISOR 
THE PLAYBOY FORUM. 


REPORTER'S NOTEBOOK: 
PUTTING SEX IN ITS PLACE—opinion.............. 


VIEWPOINT: MIXED COMPANY—opinion 


PLAYBOY INTERVIEW: LIZ SMITH—condid conversation ..... 49 
LOVE IN THE LEAN YEARS—fiction..................... DONALD E. WESTLAKE 62 
RACHEL, RACHEL—pictorial............. .....tex by GLENN O'BRIEN 66 


THE CONSPIRACY THAT WON'T GO AWAY—orticle 
SECOND TO NONE fashion 

MY ROMAN HOLIDAY—article. 

TRAVELS WITH TANYA—playboy’s playmate of the month 
PLAYBOY'S PARTY JOKES—humor 

BUGSY SIEGEL'S FABULOUS DREAM—article 


PLAYBOY'S AUTOMOTIVE REPORT—article. . 


PLAYBOY COLLECTION—modern living.......... 


THE THINKING MAN'S GUIDE 
TO WORKING WITH WOMEN—article 


PLAYBOY'S WORLD TOUR '92—pictoriol . 
20 QUESTIONS: JENNIFER JASON LEIGH 
PLAYBOY ON THE SCENE 


...ROBERTSCHEER 46 
.. JAMES К. PETERSEN 47 


Ployboy Tour P120 


CARL OGLESBY 74 
HOLLIS WAYNE во 


„RICHARD LEWIS ва 


.PETE HAMILL 104 
.KEN GROSS 106 


DENIS BOYLES 116 


COVER STORY 


Supermodel Rachel Williams steps off the runway onto the pages of Ployboy. 
You've seen this beauty in the fashion magazines, but not the way you'll see 
her here! Our cover wos produced by West Сооѕі Photo Editor Marilyn 
Grabowski, styled by Poul Cavaco and shot by Sante D'Orazio. Hairstyling 
was done by Kevin Mancuso and make-up by Fran Cooper, both at Pierre 
Michel sclon, the Plaza. As for the Rabbit, he knows how to feather his nest! 


HOUSE COMPACT DISC CLUB INSERT BETWEEN PAGES 1€ 1 BMC BNDIN CAFO BETWEEN PACES 24-33 IN ALL DOMESTIC NEWSSTAND ANO SUBSCRIPTION COPES TIME LIFE MUSIC INSERT BETWEEN PAGES 36 37 I NOFTHERN E 


PLAYBOY 


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E © 1992 PLAYBOY. А product ol PLAYBOY, 620 Nerth Lake Shore Drive. Chicago, 
IL 61611 18 years and cider. Servce not avaiable lo residents d LA or OF 
Available by touch tone telephone спу. 


Intimate moments are 


пи innings for 
traditional begin boy's 


PLAYBOY 


HUGH M. HEFNER 
editor-in-chief 


ARTHUR KRETCHMER editorial director 
JONATHAN BLACK managing editor 
TOM STAEBLER art director 


GARY COLE photography director 
EDITORIAL 

ARTICLES: JOHN REZEK editor; PETER MOORE 
senior editor; FICTION: ALICE K, TURNER editor; 
FORUM: JAMES R. PETERSEN senior staff wriler; 
MATTHEW CHILDS assistant editor; MODERN LIV- 
ING: DAVID STEVENS senior edilor; ED WALKER asso- 
ciate editor; BETH TOMKIW assistant editor; WEST 
COAST: STEPHEN RANDALL. edilor; STAFF: GRET 
CHEN EDGREN senior editor; BRUCE KLUGER. BAR. 
BARA NELLIS associate edilors; CHRISTOPHER 
NAPOLITANO assistant editor; JOHN LUSK traffic co- 
ordinator; FASHION: HOLLIS WAYNE director; 
VIVIAN COLON assistant editor; CARTOONS: Mi- 
CHELLE URRY edilor; COPY: LEOPOLD FROEHLICH 
editor; ARLAN BUSHMAN assistant editor; MARY ZION 
Senior researcher; LEE BRAUER, CAROLYN BROWNE, 
JACKIE CAREY, REMA SMITH researchers; CONTRIB- 
UTING EDITORS: ASA BABER. DENIS BOYLES, KEV 
IN COOK, LAURENCE GONZALES. LAWRENCE GROBEL. 
NEN GROSS (automotive), CYNTHIA HEIMEL, WILLIAM 
J HELMER. WALTER LOWE, JR. D. KEITH MANO, JOE 
NORGENSTERN, REG POTTERTON, DAVID RENSIN. 
RICHARD RHODES, DAVID SHEFF, DAVID STANDISH. 
MORGAN STRONG, BRUCE WILLIAMSON (MOVIES) 


ART 

KERIG POPE managing director; BRUCE HANSEN. 
CHET SUSKL LEN WILLIS senior directors; ERIC 
SHROPSHIRE associate director; KRISTIN KORJENER, 
KELLY O'BRIEN assistant directors; ANN SEIDL super- 
visor, keyline/paste-up; вил. BENWAY. PAUL CHAN art 
assistants 


PHOTOGRAPHY 

MARILYN GRABOWSKI west coast editor; JEFF COHEN 
managing editor; LINDA KENNEN. JIM LARSON 
MICHAEL ANN SULLIVAN senior edilors; PATTY BEAU 
Der assistant editor/entertamment; SIEVE CONWAY 
associate photographer; DAVID CHAN. RICHARD FEG- 
LEV. ARNY FREYTAG, RICHARD 1701, DAVID MECEV, 
BYRON NEWMAN, PONPEO POSAR, STEPHEN WAYDA 
contributing photographers; SHELLEE WELLS stylist; 
TIN HAWKINS librarian; ROBERT CAIRNS manager 
studio/lab 


MICHAEL PERLIS publisher 
JAMES SPANFELLER associate publisher 


PRODUCTION 
JOHN MASTRO direClor: MARIA MANDIS manager; 
RITA JOHNSON assistant manager; JODY JURGETO, 


RICHARD QUAKTAROLL CARRIE LARUE HOCKNEY 
assistants 


CIRCULATION 

BARBARA GUTMAN subscription circulation director; 
ROBERT O'DONNELL general manager; CINDY 
RAROWETZ communications director 


ADVERTISING. 

JEFFREY D. MORGAN national sales director; SALES 
DIRECTORS: WILLIAM м. HILTON, JR. northwest, 
ROBERT MCLEAN West COAST, STEVE MEISNER Mid- 
west, PAUL TURCOTTE new york 


READER SERVICE 
LINDA STROM, MIKE OSTROWSKI Correspondents 


ADMINISTRATIVE 
EILEEN KENT editorial services manager; MARCIA 
TERRONES rights & permissions administrator 


PLAYBOY ENTERPRISES, INC. 
CHRISTIE HEFNER chairman, chief executive officer 


KING А к T HU FS 


IBUR 


WROUGHT OF STAINLESS STEEL. 
ACCENTS OF 24 KARAT GOLD AND 
STERLING SILVER. HAND-SET 
CRYSTAL CABOCHONS. INSERTED 
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KING ARTHUR, Immortal hero of medieval 
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RETURN ASSURANCE POLICY 
If you wish to return any Franklin Mint 
purchase, you may do so within 30 days 
of your receipt of that purchase for 
replacement, credit or refund. 
The magnificent hardwood-framed display — 
shown smaller than actual size of 5114" high x 
16%" wide — is included at no additional charge. 
Excalibur shown smaller than actual length of 43". 


AN OFFICIAL ISSUE OF 
THE INTERNATIONAL ARTHURIAN SOCIETY 


The International Arthurian Society 
C/o The Franklin Mint 
Franklin Center, Pennsylvania 19091 


Please enter my order for the authorized re-creation SIGNATURE. 
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your eyes first embraced the “girl 
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Now, on this feature-length video, 
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felt with each month's new discovery. 
You'll see these timeless beauties 
not only as you fondly remember 
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This very special collector's 
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DEAR PLAYBOY 


ADDRESS DEAR PLAYBOY 
PLAYBOY MAGAZINE 
680 NDRTH LAKE SHORE DRIVE 
CHICAGO, ILLINOIS 60611 


SEAN PENN 
Having been an avid reader of Playboy 
since 1975, I have enjoyed many of your 
h reinforced my 
opinion of the featured personality, Such 
was not the case with either the subject 
of your November Playboy Interview, 
Sean Penn, or the subject of your 
November 20 Questions with Julia 
Roberts. Although I'd been a fan of 
Penn's and have been known to quote 
his character Spicoli—indeed, 1 had а 
sumed that he had an upbeat sense of 
humor as seen in his performances in 
Fast Times at Ridgemont High and on Sat- 
urday Night Liw— found him to be, in 
his interview, an overly opinionated 
tellectual wa 
Converseh 
left me bor 
terested me. Yet in her 20 Questions, she 
is delightful, co 
spoken, pleasant and comfortable-with- 
herself type of woman 
Soto Julia I say. “It's nice to see you in 
a different light,” and to Sean I say (with 
Spicoli in mind), “You dick! 
Joe Wass 
Rockville, Maryland 


interviews. most of wh 


nabe. 
Julia Roberts H 
d. Her characte 


d always 
s nev 


g across as a well- 


1 enjoyed your interview with Sean 
Penn. Alter all the articles Гуе read 
about his brawling with photographers, 
I think it comes down to one simple fact: 
He has a right to his privacy. If Penn 
doesn't want his picture taken, he 
doesn't want his picture taken. Often 
photog 
far out of line in the name of 
the press 


aphers and journalists step too 
«dom of 


Bryan Warren 
Goshen, Connecticut 


I sat in row one, seat one to see Sean 
Penn do Hurlyhurly at Westwood Play- 
nd saw one of the best fucking 
actors in the business. If, as suggested in 
your interview, Sean Penn no longer 
cares to be one of the best fucking a 
in the business, Lam looking forwa 


house 


ors 
rd to 


his becoming one of the best fucking di- 
vectors in the business. 
Mike Downey 
Sports columnist, Los Ange 
Los Angeles, California 


Times 


"KILLER OF A DEBATE" 

In his Reporter's Notebook titled “Killer 
of a Debate” (Playboy, November), con- 
servative-phobe Robert Scheer shows 
the customary ignorance of the Ameri- 
can far left. Three times he refers to 
“conservatives,” but not once does he 
give any rational argument why opposi- 
tion to abortion is conservative rather 
than liberal. Why can't humanists find 
abortion degrading? 

lt is an шит 
for granted that to se 
somchow 


sumption to take 
abortion as unjust 
kes one conservative. One 
can be a liberal humanist like myself and 
still say that no one moral right to 
kill fetuses 


Lee Slater 
Vancouver, British Columbia 


The November issue has brought us 
one of the most eloquent and salient 
pieces ever written on the issue of abor- 
tion, and Robert Scheer should be com- 
mended for it. The questions he raises 
are pointed, provocative and infuriating 
because we all know which people are 
having their cake and eating it, 100, re- 
garding this subjec 


owing “kinder and gentler,” as 
President Bush would have us believe, 
but is slowly and surely denying its need- 
jest citizens their most fundamental 
rights. The abortion issue is simply a sad 
and glaring reflection of that. Scheer's 
article should be required reading for 
n this country 

James Lerman 

Weehawken, New Jersey 


Although it was the Supreme Court 
and not President Bush that upheld the 


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gag order regarding counseling in gov- 
ernment-supported clinics, 1 partially 
agree with Robert Scheer's melodramat- 
ic analysis of the abortion debate. 

1 believe wholeheartedly that govern- 
ment should stay out of the business of 
legislating morality. Indeed, in a broad 
federalism” suggested 

cog- 
be con- 


nse, the “new 
and realized by Ronald Reagan r 
nizes that abortion shouldn't 
trolled by the central government but 
rather by state and local officials. 

After catastrophes such as the Iran- 
Contra affair turned the masses against 
conservatism, why would we ever want 
to disturb the sleeping giant of abortion? 
We [conservatives] might wind up losing 
ten states in 1992 as a result 

Eric T. Houghton 
Ewing, New Jersey 


LA TOYA 

1 want to thank Playboy and La Toya 
Jackson for the strength that I gained 
through her memoir (Five al Last, 
Playboy, November). 

I, too, was raised a Jehovah's Witness, 
and even though I left the religion 14 
years ago, I continue to struggle with 
what others think of me. As La Toya says, 
it's all about control. Some religions, and 
this one in particular, take away our 
right to make personal choices. In short, 
it's a form of brainwashing 

Т couldn't stand it anymore and ran 


away from home. | knew I had to make 
my own decisions. 
Well, as soon as I was able, I subscribed 


to Playboy and have been a subscriber for 


years. It was one small way 1 could get 
back at the religion that made me feel 
so bad about myself. Posing for Playboy 
has, naturally, always been one of my 


fantasies, and so 1 understand perfectly 
why La Toya, given the opportunity, 
took it. So to her I say, “Way to go! 
Here’s to being in control of our own 
live 

Cat Dragon 

North Hollywood, California 


La Toya Jackson's shallow, ridiculous 
writing reveals more than the overhyped 
pictures, which only suggest that she and 
Michael shop at the same new-face deli. 

Joseph Gorman 


Cincinnati, Ohio 


I've just finished admiring your pho- 
tos of La Toya Jackson. Its hard to be- 
lieve that someone so hauntingly lovely 
could have endured such hellish brutali- 
ty atthe hands of her father, with the tac- 
it acceptance of her mother 

I watched La Toya subject herself to a 
full hour of scorn, ridicule and ver 
abuse on Donahue a few weeks ago and 
felt as if I wet 
beit famous and beautiful—fighting to 


watching someone—al 

ive her own sanity in а world ruled by 
cynicism and deceit. She looked so for- 
lorn and miserable on that stage that 1 
really believed her. 

Despite the stunning beauty she dis- 
plays in her photographs and in person, 
anyone who saw her on that talk show 
should have been able to feel the searing 
pain emanating from her soul. | cannot 


understand why so many people are 
questioning her version of events in her 
family. It is shocking that none of her 
siblings has, to date, publicly corroborat 
ed her book or endorsed her honesty 
and courage. I think La Toya should be 
proud of herself for what she has done, 
and I hope she can overcome the tragic 
secrets she has chosen to reveal. I look 
forward to seeing her again in Playboy 
Steven Gurian 
‘Toronto, Ontario 


AN ENTIRELY MAN-MADE DISASTER 

Denis Boyles's An Entirely Man-Made 
Disaster in the November Playboy misses a 
most important point. In the period 
1960-1990, the population of Africa 
more than doubled, from 280,000,000 
to 642,000,000 people. It is expected to 
do so again in the next 30 years. 

When populations in nonindustrial 
countries double in 30 years, there is no 


chance that democracy, peace or respect 


Tor human dignity can survive 

Populations can be kept in balance 
with the resources (agricultural re- 
sources, in this case) to support them 
either by limiting the number of births 
or by increasing the number of deaths 
Those who oppose the birth-control so- 
lution are the promoters of famine, 
pestilence and genocide. 

Boyles's article, by pointing the finger 
at the symptoms (political corruption, 


tribal wars, etc.), distracts readers from 
the root cause of the problem, the popu- 
lation explosion in Africa. 

From 1960 to 1990, despite famine, 
diciatorship and civil war, Ethiopia man- 
aged to double its po] 
pected to do it again in the next 30 
years. Who will feed all those people? 

Noel de Nevers 
Salt Lake City, Utah 


IN THE GRIP OF TREACHERY 
Richard Behar's "conversation". with 
Nicholas "I he Crow" Caramandi (п the 
Grip of Treachery, Playboy, November) is so 
shocking in its naked revelations that it 
reads like bad fiction. Süll, 1 have no 
problem in accepting it as the truth—in 
essence, if not in detail. Sccing what peo- 
ple do to one another daily, it's impos 
sible to deny the dark, Caramandian 
aspect of our society. But I would like to 
know: How might I enjoy the sex life of 
a mafioso without being one? 
Charles Downing 
Lacey, Washington 
There are only four sure-fire methods that 
we know of, but they all have drawbacks. (1) 
You could publish the best-selling men’s maga- 
zine in America, but that’s already been done. 
(2) You could become a U.S. Senator, but 
that's time-consummg and you'll probably 
have to make a public apology for your be- 
havior sooner or later. (3) Become a popular 
television evangelist. Here again, you'll even- 


tually have to make a public confession. (4) 
Become a rock star, bul you may go deaf at an 
carly age. Try just being yourself 


SEX IN CINEMA 
I'm sure that, like myself, many of 
your readers adore small-breasted wom- 
en, and two of the loveliest I've seen are 
pictured in Sex in Cinema 1991 (Playboy, 
November). They are Erika Anderson 
in Zandalee and Maria de Medeiros in 
Henry & June. Thanks for including them 
Bruce Egloft 
Grand Island, New York 


I was very pleased to see the coverage 
given my directorial debut, Naked Obses- 
sion, in November's Sex m Cinema 1991, 
but the film's lead actress, Maria Ford, is 
misidentified as the masked stripper in 
the photo on page 143. The name of the 
masked dancer is Elena Sahagun 

Dan Golden 
Los Angeles, California 


TONJA CHRISTENSEN 

Playboy has outdone itself with Novem- 
ber Tonja Christensen (4 
Blonde in Barcelona). There is no justice if 
she doesn't become Playmate of the Year 
for 1992. 


Playmate 


Eric Collins 
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania 


> Why Ast Why 7 


Try Bl By. 
Hs smooth, 
draft faste is 
Dry Brewed, 
not watered down, 
To drink light 
yet satishy 
Completely 
For rebreshment- 
thats beyond 


question " 


Available at chain stores everywhere. 


PLAYBOY AFTER HOURS 


VOTING GUIDE '92 


Of this you can be sure: 


Among all the 
dithering ideologues, single-issue zealots 
and party hacks running for office in 
1992, it’s unlikely that one will address 
the real issues—those countless. tiny im- 
pediments to happiness that infect our 
daily lives. For once, we'd like to see a 
candidate brave enough to stump for 
such useful legislation as 

Urban Gridlock Relief Act: Any mo- 
torist blocked by a double-parked com- 
mercial vehicle for longer than five 
minutes may lawfully confiscate said v 
hicle and its contents. 

Artistic Nuisance Abatement Act: A 
$5000 annual tax will be levied on Elvis 
impersonators, prop comics or strect 


mimes. It will also be illegal for anyone 
of predominantly Caucasian extraction 
to perform rap music for personal gain. 

Commercial-Free Video Act: Any rent- 
al video tape that contains commercial 
messages preceding the feature film will 
automatically become property of the 
renter 

Restaurant Comfort Ac: No menu 
shall be larger than 15 inches by 12 inch 
es, nor any pepper mill larger than a 
wine glass. Any menu item for which no 
price is listed shall be free. No server 
shall volunteer personal information 

Athletic Surtax and Humility Act: The 
gross annual income of pro athletes 
above $500,000 will be subject to a surtax 
of 90 percent. On all uniforms, the play 
er's name and number will be replaced 
by the player's sal 
followed by an exclamation point. 

Cinema-Hype Honesty Act: All film 
clips used to promote new motion pic- 
tures shall display the following dis- 
claimer: “These scenes are probably the 
best parts of this movie. The rest of the 
film is likely to suck." 

. 

At a gala concert celebrating the Chì- 
cago Symphony's centenary season, pa- 
trons of the world’s best orchestra were 
invited to 


ту in bold numerals, 


n exclusive preconcert. din- 
ner at which they were given souvenir 
noticed. that 
the clocks’ alarms were programed tc 


clocks. Evidently, nobody 


ofat 9:15 that evening, which happened 
to be just around the time Daniel Baren- 
boim and Sir Georg Solti were warming 
up that thick soup known as Tchai- 
kovskv's First Piano Concerto. When the 
sea of clocks beeped relentlessly with few 
patrons knowing how to turn them off, 
the musicians had a hard time concen- 
trating and the first movement was a 
mess. Next time the symphony wants to 
gift its patrons, perhaps it should consid- 
er mulilers. 


. 
And what is sex?” а 
nologist Spalding Gray, as he quizzed a 
of a sex-toy store dur 
ing а San Francisco performance of his 


ked master mo- 


female employe 


new interactive show, Interwiewing Ihe Дис 


dience. Her provocative response? “It's 


butt plugs . . . and feelings." 


CABLE HOOKUP 


"Tired of dancing with Richard Sim 
reads an ad placed by a 43-year 
old woman interested in animal rights. A 


mons, 


"sensational" lady is looking for a "well- 
built, well-endowed gentile ma 
minimal chest hair.” Welcome to the 


le with 


ILLUSTRATION EY PATER SATO 


newest trend in home shopping: Prine 
Time Personals, the first cable TV. show 
that lets viewers respond to dozens of 
ads from the safety of their livir 


ooms. 


“This abolishes the waiting time asso- 
ciated with personals in print advertis- 


ing." 
behind the show ads 
“proper,” he n ether 
loaded with mild innuendo (“Let this 2 
year-old Chinese . . . engineer . . . do to 
you what spring does to cherry trees”) o 
cultural requirements ("Wanted: rebel 
with White female seeks 
grown-up man with carring and 
ponytail, or moral equivalent"). The 
show has expanded to several major 
cities, and $50 buys an ad of up to 50 
words. Potential suitors are invited to 
leave a message on a private phone ex- 

$2.70 a minute. Funny— 
that’s about how long it would take, and 
how much it would cost, to send a beer 
to the girl at the end of the bar 

. 


says David Gottschalk, the brains 
The 
xes—wli 


must bc 
they're 


à job 


tension. for 


We were left marveling at the implica 
tions of this listing in the Chicago Tribune 
The Miss Vagina Pageant: A pavody of a 
beauty pageant, presented by Metr 
form, Inc; Annoyance Theater. Open 
end.” We assume more information is 
available at the box office. 


NO DUDES NEED APPLY 


While stuck in traffic. we got an earful 


of what today's single girl looks for in a 
man. compliments of an L.A. Gear radio 
spot. Ifyou think you fit the bill, think 
again, She has standards. You must: 

* Shoot a mean game of pool, go to 
the gym, have a brain, be yourself, know 
how to kiss, bring me flowers, like my 
bod, put the toilet seat down, believe 
in education, not do polyester, own a 
suit 

No problem, right? Read on. 

* Have a tattoo, like cats, hate televi- 
look pi 
undies, not give me a 
stupid nickname, don't do drugs, be into 
Ze 

Still in the running? Not so fast 

© Burn your little black book, not call 


sion, love cartoor od i 


а wet 


suit, wear sexy 


13 


e 1992 BAWTCo 


TOTALLY. 


Kings, 16 mg. "tar", 1.2 mg. nicotine av. per cigarette by FTC method. 


SURGEON GENERAL'S WARNING: Quitting Smoking 


Now Greatly Reduces Serious Risks to Your Health. 


16 


RAW DATA 


SIGNIFICA, INSIGNIFICA, STATS AND FACTS | 


Must гип in the 
‘The more 


you have, the. 
havoc it pre- 
[ARD M. 
MAYOR OF 


DALEY, 


САСО, 
ON HIS CITY 
MURDER RATE 


IN 


BABY ON BOARD 

Number of wom- 
en in US. Navy 
crews: 8600. Per- 
centage of women 
on US. Navy sea du- 
ty who get pregnant 
each year: 16. 


An es 
TRICKLE DOWN 


Ratio oftop execu- 
salary to that of 
ical worker at an 
average U.S. corporation, 53 to 1; ata 
Japanese company, 17 to 1. 

. 

Current ratio of the salary of the 
chief executive officer of ITT to that 
of typical ГГТ employee, 600 to 
1980, 87 to 1. 


NOT-SO-HARD DATA 


According to a study of 80 men in 
Facts and Phalluses, the number who 
had flaccid penises measuring two 
to three and a half inches in length, 
40; number whose penises meas- 
ured from four to four and a half 
inches, 40. 


D 

Age at which a boy's р 
adult proportions: 17. 

D 

According to the most extensive 
survey on penis size (in the flaccid 
state), the length of the smallest pe 
among Caucasian men, one and a 
half inches; the largest, six and a half 
inches; average, four inches. The 
length of the smallest. penis among 
African Americans surveyed, two and 
inches; largest, six and a 
ı inches; average, four and a 
nches. 


з reaches 


nated 
American women own a rifle, 
shotgun or handgun, 


ANIMAL HOUSES 


Number of Divi- 
sion I-Aand I-AA col- 
lege football teams 


nine; Bull- 


B. 


BOOM BOOM 


Amount of world- 
wide military spend- 
ing during the 
Eighties, $1 trillion; 
in 1990 alone, $900 
billion. 


FACT OF THE MONTH In 1991, number 


nvolved. 
sales, 6l 
number of countries 
of 


15,600,000 
under some fo 
military rule, 64, 


GOOD SPORTS 


Phe salary for the University of Ml 
nois president in 1990, $149,767; for 
s football coach, $ : 
for University of Nevada-Las Vegas 
president, $147,400: for its basketball 
coach, $203.976 (estimated total 
package, $600,000). 


FREEDOM TO REPRESS 


Percentage of Americans in a re- 
cent survey who would prohibit re- 
porters from criticizing the military, 
23; from reporting national-security 
stories without government approval, 
45; from edi izing about political 
from reporting clas- 
s al 48; from keeping 
sources confidential, 64 


CURRENT AFFAIRS. 


In a University of Michigan study 
of sexual jealousy, 202 men and wom- 
en were asked which event would 
trouble them more: (A) if their p. 
ner had intercourse with someone 
else; (B) if their partner had formed a 
deep emotional attachment to some- 
one else. Percentage of men who 
picked A: 60. Perc € of women 
who picked B: 85. —PULENGLEMAN 


anyone dude, be in a band, own an is- 
land, sport nice biceps, not be afraid to 
«ту... and never tell me what to wear 

OK. How about where to go? 


INK, INCORPORATED 


Hard times forced Manhattan, inc. and 
M to merge into the publication M inc. 
With the publishing industry still in а 
choke hold, what will the next consolida 
tion be? 

Outside Parenting: 
sperm donors, sur 
mature ejaculators 

Muscle and Fitness Prevention: The 
couch potato's bible 

Ellesquire: The magazine for men, edit- 
ed by wome 

Bride's Business Week: Profitable trends 
in gift registration, dowrymania, 
ing up. 

Car ё Ammo; For L.A. drivers. 

Self & World Report: The hai 
and personal growth tr 
th each week's int tional crises. 
Golfer's Bazaar: The first fashion ma 
devoted entirely to plaid pants. 

Popular Geography: For American high 
school grads unc n about which state 
Europe is the capital of 

Working Mother Travel & Leisure: The 
cruelest magazine of all 


The monthly for 
gate moms and pre- 


clothes 
nds associated 


THE COLOR OF VEGGIES 


On a mission to fi 
sive produce stand in America, we head- 
ed inland from the race track at Del Mar 
(an immaculately scrubbed beach town 
two hours south of Los Angeles), drove 
past miles of golf co nd polo fields 
covered with guys on horses who looked 
just like the Ralph Lauren logo, until we 
came to an arrow-shaped sign pointing 
10 THE VEGETABLE SHOP. About half a mile 
down the road, a large number of Range 
Rovers, late-model Mercedeses and Vol- 
vo station wagons were parked around a 
freshly painted stand. The kind of peo- 
ple who never stand in line for anything 
were queued up as classical music walied 
through the air. Signs for sale items did 
not exist. Money was not discussed. 

The Vegetable Shop is the latest secret 

among the Golden State’s power elite, 
who refer to it as the Chino Farm. The 
bulk of the veggies sold wind up for usc 
t the restaurants that have come to 
define nia cuisine, such as Chez 
Panisse in Berkeley and Spago in L.A. 
The produce is grown without the use of 
pesticides, herbicides or anything else 
that might make it imperfect. Among the 
primo inventory are pale white carrots, 
striped tomatoes in various hues, beans 
of a dozen colors and sizes, melons so 
aromatic you'd think you'd gone to hon- 
eydew heaven. And the prices are stag- 
gering. Filiy-six dollars bought a bag 
nd a half of stull—just enough to tide 
us over until this fad passes. 


d the most expen 


ROBERT CHRISTGAU 


WHEN Billboard computerized its album 
charts to reflect. cash-register action 
rather than unverified store reports, biz 
zers discovered that many metal records, 
for example, hit so fast they zoom in- 
stantly to number one. They also found 
that many new country records sell as 
steadily as old best-ofs, which now have a 
chart of their own so as not to embarrass 
the fresh product. This means that coun- 
try has been bigger than we thought for 
a long time—but not like Garth Brooks's 
third album, Ropin’ the Wind (Capitol), an 
instant number one. 

Brooks is a neotraditionalist only by 
sociation. Though his arrangement 
are generally spare and his sentiments 


often hardscrabble, he digs James Taylor 


as much as Lefty Frizzell and shows off 


voice remarkable 
sonal grain than i 
the range of honky-tonk grit and twang. 
Although Ropin' the Wind was launched 
by Brooks's two earlier (and still top-50) 
muluplatinum entries, its Nashville- 
styled pop craft will give it stronger legs 
than either. From the cheerful marital 
hostilities of We Bury the Hatchet to the 
feckless regrets of Burning Bridges to the 
well-wrought soulfulness of that Billy 
Joel number to the overwrought mean 
ingfulness of The River, it has hits for 
anybody who ever hated synthesiz 
"That's not a pop majority. But from 
talie Cole to Skid Row, the biggest pop 
rely аге. 


VIC GARBARINI 


more than a decade, is not that it's a te 

rible album. The problem is, it's often 
bland and unenergetic—and that's even 
more frustrating. Clapton himself has 
been ambivalent in the press about the 
ity of these 15 songs, which were 
culled from his annual two-dozen-night 
stand at London's Royal Albert Hall. 
Considering the recent trauma Clapton 
has undergone—his son was killed in an 
accident and his close friend, Stevie Ray 
Vaughn, died shortly after a joint con- 
cert—it’s a marvel he could get anything 
out at all. Still, 24 Nights often finds Slow- 
hand merely sleepwalking through h 
own clichés. His guitars muffled tone 
trims even more edge off the lackluster 
solos, reflecting the album's 


want of bite and emotio 
Cream s Badge and. White 
Room fe: nexciting, new 


ar 


ngements and competent, yet half- 


wages. To tell all the song’s outrageous 

events would take the rest of this review 

(or perhaps a novel) while Zevon re- 

3:22 to tell his story over a 
ng chord progression. 

Another thing Zevon gets right is emo- 
tional depth. His love songs transcend 
the usual unrequited crap. Take Finish- 
ing Touches. Ws about the rage to hurt 
when a relationship turns ugly: “You can 
screw everybody I've ever known/But I 
still won't talk to you on the phone. 
says something 
thing about her, and he doesn't call hera 
bitch. What else can you ask of a love 
song in 1992? 


NELSON GEORGE 


Garth ropes the wind. 


Marley Marl is one of hip-hop's true 
= auteurs. As a producer, he has put an 
indelible stamp on this rebel music. Marl 


An instant number one, 
hip-hop's true auteur and 


Phil Spector goes Back to Mono. GUEST SHOT 


hearted, solos. The brace of generic рор 
songs culled from his recent studio album 
add nothing to the flimsy originals, while 
the side featuring full orchestral backing 
could delight only Spmal Tap fans wait- 
ing for those “acoustic numbers with the 
London Pl monic.” The blues mate- 
y Robert Cray, Buddy Guy 
je Johnson, is easily the most 
vital material here, though still not quite 
up to his best work. Understandably, the 
man's heart seems elsewh: It may 
have been too much to expect Clapton 
to throw himself fully into the emoti well as a highly rated Saturday-night 
demands of a live project, considering slot on Chicago's WNUA-FM, where 
the events of the past year he's been spinning several tracks from 
“Beneath the Mask,” by the Chick 
Corea Elektric Band. 

“Irs an album full of up-tempo, 
happy songs. Some may even be 
danceable, if you n think of 
yourself dancing to Chick Corea. 
With other Corea albun the 
subject of dance rhythms wouldn't 
come to mind, but this is one that I 
would put on at a party. 1 expect 
some exploration from any Coi 


мати SEVEN gold albun 
awards and а million 


, two Grammy 
elling single lo 
his credit, jazz pianist Ramsey Lewis 
needs other worlds to conquer. So these 
days, he also hosts the ACE-nominated 
“Bet on Jazz,” Fridays and Sundays on 
Black Entertainment ‘Television, as 


CHARLES M. YOUNG 


iven if Warren Zevon's name didn't 
appear in parentheses after the song ti- 
Чез, his fans could still recognize his 
work. He uses plot to define character 
better than most screenwriters do in two 
hours. The typical Zevonian character is 
either an innocent bystander who has 
stumbled into evil events or a guilty per- album—musically and instrum 
petrator who sets evil events into motion tally—because he experiments with 
‘andl sho dien. del all the new keyboards that come 
nders get swept away. Take Mr. Bad Ex- out. And that's especially true of 
cumple (Giant) for a taste ofthe later Mr. this album. It reaches a broad sec- 
B. E. starts out as altar boy stealing mon- tion of the audience—particularly 
ey the Children's Fund. Several on the song that everybody seems 
verses and one chorus later, he is run- to take to, One of Us Is Over 40— 
ng an employment agency for abc but maintains its musical integrity, 

nal opal-miners—and attaching their 


ights as innocent by- 


17 


FAST TRACKS 


Christgau | Garbarini 
8 А 8 4 8 
Eric Clapton 
24 Nights. 6 7 7 5 5 
Marley Marl 
Marley Marl in 
Control, Volume Il: 
For Your Steering. 
Pleasure. 4 6 7 6 7 
Phil Spector 
Back to Mono. 10 9 10 10 
Warren Zevon 
Mr Bad Example 7 6 ТА 9 
OH, GIVE IT A REST DEPARTMENT. priately enough, Smoke. . . . Paul Kant- 
n called The $ mer is talking about reuniting the 
n hopes to use the ad- musicians who played on his 1970 


vanced technology of molecular biol 
ogy to reconstruct the King of Roc! 
and Roll. Don't ask us for more infor- 
mation: Wr 
Chi , Hlinois 60680-6533. 

REELING AND ROCKING: Madonna is re- 
portedly afier a role in The Baboon 
Heart, directed by Tony Bill. If she gets 
it, she'll be playing a blue-collar New 
Jersey waitress. . . . Tom Waits will be 
joining Gary Oldman, Winona Ryder, 
Keanu Reeves anc Anthony Hopkins in 
Francis Ford Coppola's version of Dracu- 
la. Waits has also been recording a 
new album of non-movie-related ma- 
terial, Although he's still interest- 
ed in making movics, Robbie Robertson 
says he hasn't done any since The Last 
Waltz bec t of the offers that 
come his way are to play “some won 
derful actress’ boyfriend." He's 
waiting. 

NEWSBREAKS: We like 10 bring you 
monthly examples of moronic censor- 
ship just to keep you up to date on 
how far some communities will go. If 
you happen to be wearing a rock- 
oll T-shirt, stay out of the 
sonburg, Virginia, 7-Eleven. A 
given a ticket for wear- 
ing a Soundgarden T-shirt that said 
LOUDER THAN FUCK оп the back. A con- 
viction will be considered a sexual of- 
fense. . .. Look for a short U2 tour this 
month, then a much longer outing 
next summer. . . . According to a 1991 
survey of the record-buying public, 
people over 25 bought the most mu- 
, males bought more than females 
and roci up the largest percent- 
ge of sales. . 
launched а fragrance called, appro- 


se me 


Blows Against the Empire album for a 
large-scale theatrical р 
lar to The Wall Kantner hopes to 
stage it and tape it for cable. 
Michael Nesmith is in the studio work- 
ing on an album—his first in 12 years. 
He's even considering a tour. АП of 
this on the heels of the holiday release 
of a Monkees boxed set... . So what 
with the shades? The sunglasses like 
the ones worn by Vanilla ke in his 
movie Cool as Ice have gone on sale for 
the incredible price of $395. The 
glasses, officially known as Cazal 958, 
have round mirrored lenses in gold- 
plated frames that resemble railroad 
tracks across the eyebrow line. Why 
do we think the shades will do bewer 
than the movie? . . . Here's an un- 
hed plug: Get Buddy Guy's Damn 
Right Pue Got the Blues. Guy's current 
ly on the road. Cheer yourself up and 
go see him Wanna know why 
such high-priced 
kets? Paula Abdul's Under My Spell 
tour has more than 90 musicians, 
dancers, technicians and crew mem- 
bers. They travel in nine buses, while 
11 tractor-trailers carry the stage, 
lighting and sound system. Another 
100 staffers in each city work for 12 
hours to set up the stage. How about 
Just singing the songs? . . . And, fin; 
ly, here's the damn-with-faint-praise 
award of the month: Huey Lewis heard 
a well-known groupie say on a tabloid 
TV show, “Huey Lewis is the biggest 
and Peter Frampton is the smallest." Al- 
though Lewis was slightly appalled, a 
friend reassured him, “It could have 
been worse. Think how Peter Framp- 
ton feels,” —BARBARA NELLIS 


odu 


mi- 


is credited with using the first James 
Brown drum samples back in 1985; with 
launching the careers of Big Daddy 
ne and Biz Markie; and with reviving 
LL Cool J with his production of Mama 
Said Knock You Out. Marley Marl defines 
hard-core hip-hop: dusty, dirty samples 
from Sixties and Seventies soul, aug- 
mented by shrewdly placed keyboards, 
guitars and sounds blended into a 
thumping, gritty concoction that is often 
imitated. 

His second album carries the long- 
winded title Marley Marl in Control, Volume 
li: For Your Steering Pleasure (Cold Chill- 
in'/Warner Bros.), and the recording suf- 
fers from no shortage of music. On 20 
cuts of various lengths and quality, the 
Marl aesthetic grinds through your 
speakers. Twenty-plus performers, in- 
cluding big names—Chuck D, Big Dad- 
dy Kane, Heavy D and LL Cool J—make 
guest appearances. Kool G. Rap's bril- 
Паш rhymes on The Symphony Part II pro- 
vide onc of the recording's high points 
For those craving noncressover rap, 
Marley Ман is the man. 

Voyceboxing (GRP) is an unusually 
tasteful take on the current revival of girl 
groups. Instead of collecting а gaggle 
of pubescent singers, producer. Lenny 
White recruited three seasoned singer- 
songwriters—Candy Bell, Jean MeClain 
and Tina Harris—to create an adult, 
sexy and occasionally bittersweet view of 
romance. Pain, No Comment and Perfect 
Match (Reprise) are a few of the strongest 
efforts on a 12-song package. 


DAVE MARSH 


Phil Spector's Back to Mono (1958-1969) 
(Abkeo), a four-CD boxed set, is an argu- 
ment for greatness as cleverly contrived 
s Neil Young's Decade or Bruce Spring- 
steen's Live. It presents Spector's work as 
a unified drama that extends from the 
Teddy Bears’ Zo Know Him Is to Love Him 
to the Checkmates’ Love [s All 1 Have to 
Give; their tides summarize the message 
Spector inserted in e important 
record he ever made. They're all her 
the Ronettes’ Be My Baby, the Righteous 
Brothers’ You've Lost That Lovin’ Feelin’, 
the Crystals. Da Doo Ron Ron, Curtis 
Lee's Pretty Little Angel Eyes, Ike and Tina 
Turner's River Deep-Mountain High, Da 
lene Love's A Fine, Fine Boy, < 
one great pre-Beatles album, A Christmas 
Gift jor You from Phil Spector, and a host of 
others. 

Spector hasn't had an o 
two decades, and he's the ultin 
room boy, a producer and songwr 
who rarely performed. Spector's genius 
was for singles. But Spector's wall of 
sound remains a fertile concept: The lay- 
ered soundscapes ol hip-hop, like Public 
Enemy's Bomb Squad, аге now Spector's 

est successors. That's a legacy as ever- 
lasting as any in pop culture. 


THE 
VELVET 
TOUCH 


Black Velvet? Blended Canadian Whisky, 40% Alc. By Vol. (80 Proof) © 1991, Heublein, Inc., Hartford, CT. 


BLACK VELVET? 


= , SMOOTH. PREMIUM. IMPORTED. 


MOVIES 


By BRUCE WILLIAMSON 


THE HARD-EDGED Rush (MGM/Pathé) is 
based on а novel by Kim Wozencraft. 
adapted by Pete Dexter and directed by 
Lili Fini Zanuck. You might expect a 
kindler, gentler film from Zanuck (a co- 
producer with her husband, Richard 
D. Zanuck, of Driving Miss Daisy), who 
makes her directorial debut with this 
harrowing saga about two undercover 
drug investigators (Jennifer Jason Leigh 
and Jason Patric) who get hooked simul- 
taneously on narcotics and each other. 
Based on actual events about a couple of 
cops sinking into their own psychologi- 
cal hell, Rush mirrors 1975's stoned real- 
ity with depressing с 
detectives and the characters їп the 
seedy gang they try to infiltrate (among 
them, the music world's Gregg Allman 
as an elusive dealer) are indelibly por- 
trayed—a rogue's gallery of louts and 
losers. ¥¥¥ 


accuracy. 


б 

‘There are substantial glimpses of a 
damned good grown-up movie in The 
Prince of Tides (Columbia) Barbra 
Streisand’s shrewd direction of the other 
actors—and her own performance as a 
New York shrink named Lowenstein— 
amount to major assets for an ambitious, 
handsome movie version of the best sell- 
er by Pat Conroy. Adapted by Conroy 
himself, in collaboration with Becky 
Johnston, Tides gets murky after the first 
hour or so when Streisand's superstar 
persona starts to overshadow her judg: 
ment. She's fine as the doctor trying to 
help Nick Nolte, who is a screwed-up, 
unemployed teacher from the South, 
moving north to investigate his sister's 
suicide attempt. Melinda Dillon plays 
the sister; Blythe Danner is Nolte's wife 
back home who has a brief fling of her 
own as Nolte begins to get interested in 
the psychiatrist. 

Despite some lapses into lurid melo- 
drama, it's an engrossing tale of two fam- 
ilies in crisis. Nolte's neurotic siblings 
can trace some of their angst to theii 
mother, played young and old with bit- 
ing brilliance by Kate Nelligan. Dr. 
Lowenstein has an unhappy teenaged 
son (well played by Strcisand’s own sc 
Jason Gould) and a jealous husband 
(Jeroen Krabbé) who's a famous musical 
conductor, She also has an obvious 
ng for affection, and the movie 
goes a bit haywire when she gets it; in 
slushy, self-indulgent sequences with 
Nolte. At that point, Barbra turns Prince 
of Tides from a royal flush into an egotis- 
uc flash. УУУ 


cra 


P 
Probably more admired in France 
than it will be here, Madame Bovary 


(Samuel Goldwyn) has the choppy feel of 


Two Jasons in a Rush. 


A harrowing Rush, 
engrossing Tides and 
an overliteral Bovary. 


a film trying too hard to remain faithful 
to Gustave Flauberts litera: 
Adapter-director Claude Chabrol gives 
cinematic elegance to the story of a 
small-town doctor's wife so exquisitely 
bored with her dull husband (wonder- 
fully played by Jean-Francois Balmer) 
that she drives him into debt, sleeps 
around (Christophe Malavoy is her most 
provocative amour) and finally destroys 
herself. The book is an acknowledged 
masterpiece about an idle bourgeois 
woman's destiny, The movie has lots of 
literal voice-over narration and often 
seems little more than a series of fine il- 
lustrations, with Isabelle Huppert—nor- 
mally one of France's most mesmerizing 
stars—too detached to stir much sympa- 
thy for the shallow Emma Bovary. ¥¥ 
. 

The old war story about American 
troops and their German counterparts 
caroling together at a distance on Christ- 
mas Eve is merely an incident in A Mid- 
night Clear (Interstar). Director. Keith 
Gordon's modest but eloquent version of 
the novel by William Wharton follows a 
GI patrol somewhere in Europe during 
Christmas week 1944. It's their mission 
to occupy a deserted mansion and re- 
port on enemy troop movements. The 
Germans they finally encounter are no 
less confused and frightened than the 
Gls themselves. Gary (see Off 
Camera), as a shell-shocked soldier, and 
Ethan Hawke, as squad leader, dominate 
the A-one cast, with K Dillon, Peter 


Berg, Frank Whaley and Arye Gross 
among the six buddies in uniform. Faith- 
ful to the book, the film treats a some- 
what unsurprising theme with deep 
feeling and delicacy. One telling se 
quence is a poignant flashback about 
four battle-bound, sexually inexper 
enced boys in search ofa girl before they 
ship out—who find what they want with 
asad young woman (Rachel Griffin) in 
mourning for her late soldier boyfriend. 
‚en the downbeat ending of this fine, 
satisfying little movie carries an emotion- 
al charge that ultimately banishes Mid- 
night Clear's wintry air of doom, ¥¥¥ 


Fond memories of The Addams Family 
(Paramount) as a TV comedy will surely 
be rekindled by this elegant feature that 
draws most of its riotous sick jokes di- 
rectly from the Charles Addams car- 
toons. Anjelica Huston makes a stylish 
Morticia, with Raul Julia as Gomez and 
Christopher Lloyd as ghoulish Uncle 
Fester, just back from the dead. Addams 
Family, for those who care, endorses 
pain, fear, mean spirits and cruelty to- 
ward man and beast. Do-gooders need 
not apply. УУУ 


. 

Anyone who cares about moviemak- 
ing on a grand scale ought to see Hearts 
of Darkness: A Filmmaker’s Apocalypse (Ir 
ton), a mesmerizing account of a worl 
in-progress that could just as fairly be 
called Inside Francis Coppola. Its based 
on fairly recent interviews, along with 
notes, audio tapes and documentary 
footage assembled by Eleanor Coppola 
15 years ago, when she accompanied her 
husband to the Philippines for the shoot- 
ing of Apocalypse Now. Beset by doubts, 
ego and unchained profligacy, the direc- 
tor is obviously a wayward genius who 
candidly admits that too much time and 
too much money were his undoing. He 
plays God, switches stars in midstream 
(Martin Sheen for Harvey Keitel), wages 
a mind-bending war of wills with Marlon 
Brando and even contemplates suicide 
before his 200th day on a movie that he 
appears to be improvising. Some of his 
confused actors, looking back on the or- 
deal, admit to being often as not under 
the influence of strong drink and drugs. 
Despite the evidence of endless chaos, 
Apocalypse Now emerged a masterpiece 
manqué—flaws and all, unforgettable. 
Similarly, Hearts of Darkness is imperfect 
ly made but impossible to ignore. УУУ 

P 

and director Brigitte 
Rouan also acts up a storm in Overseas 
(Aries), playing the stable, strong-willed 
one in a trio of sisters who assert their in- 
dividual charms in a world supposedly 
ruled by men. Algeria is the setting, back 
in the turbulent Fifties when French 


Co-author 


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21 


22 


colonists were still stubbornly holding 
out against revolution and. independ- 
ence. Social change, however, is merely 
the backdrop for a vivid period piece 
made up of three separate but overlap- 
ping episodes. Each sister. in turn, holds 
center stage: Malene (Rouan), running a 
farm because her weak-willed husband 
has no stomach for it; Zon (Nicole Gar- 
), going into decline glamorously after 
her nayal-oflicer husband fails to come 


Sinise: Hollywood calling 


OFF CAMERA 


Chicago native Gary Sinise, best 
known as a founding member of 
the Steppenwolf Theatre Compa- 
ny and a creature of theater, is 
about to change all that. He has a 
featured role as а befuddled 
World War Two GI in 4 Midnight 
Clear (see review). Later, he will be 
seen with Danny DeVito in Jack the 
Bear. “Um sort of the neighbor- 
hood monster," says Sinise. "Dan- 
ny gets to do a lot of funny stuff, 
but it's basically sad, a tragicome- 
dy.” At the age of 36, Sinise is also 
producing, directing and starring 
in a new Horton Foote adaptation 
of the John Steinbeck novel Of 
Mice and Men, with John Malko- 
vich and Sherilyn Fenn. 

It was Steinbeck who won 
national attention when Sinise 
played Тот Joad in the Chicago, 
La Jolla, London and Broadway 
stage versions of The Grapes of 


Wrath. He's also directed one 
movie, Miles from Home, with 
Ander- 


son. His stage work in Tine West, 
Orphans and Grapes of Wrath, plus 
the films under his belt, project a 
certain macho air of crisis that 
could be Sinise's turf. “I guess Fm 
drawn to turbulent. relationships 
between men . . . stories rooted in 
conflict and paranoia, When I was 
20 at Steppenwolf, we used to slap 
each other around all the time. 1 
have to tackle that physical stuff 
while still young. Later on, 
maybe ГИ do British cup-and- 
saucer dramas. lll just sit in a 
chair and drink coffee.” 


back from sea duty; and Gritte (Mai 
anne Basl putting off her attentive 
swain and having an amorous fling with 
an Arab rebel, winding up in fairly 
conventional circumstances. Rouan's 
French-language drama is a refreshing 
ke on womanhood as it was, spelled 
out with style and insight. ¥¥¥/2 
. 

Sam Shepard stars in Voyager (Castle 
Hill), made in English by German direc- 
tor Volker Schlóndorff (who won a 1979 
Oscar for The Tin Drum as Best Foreign- 
Language Film). Here is still another 
drama from a German novel: Homo 
Faber, by Max Frisch. The movie version 
switches the nationality of the hero, 
Walter Faber—making him an American 


instead of a Swiss engineer—and Shep- 
ard's quietly authoritative screen pres- 
ence as a latter-day Gary Cooper suits 
the character to а T. An unfeeling man 
who goes through women faster than he 
goes through countries, he travels from 
then 


Athens to Venezuela circa 1957, 
grabs a slow boat from New Yor 
France to get away from a relation 
he wants to end. Aboard ship, he meets a 
vibrant young beauty he calls Sabeth 
(Julie Delfy, a find with the face of a 
Renaissance angel), who is roughly half 
his age. Her mother (Barbara Sukowa), 
waiting in Athens, turns out to be anoth- 
er lover from Faber's past. It's not giving 
anything away to divulge that Voyager 
probes the subject of incest while Faber 
discovers emotional depths as well as a 
romantic nature he never knew he had. 
Although his story develops in a leisure- 
ly novelistic manner quite out of sync 
with current movie fare, Schlöndortf 
gives it a lift, aided by actors who seem 
entirely at home in Frisch's vintage 
fiction. ¥¥/2 


. 

Nearly 30 years ago, Cape геог (Uni- 
versal) was a pretty scary movie. Director 
Martin Scorsese's new, improved re- 
make is a triumph of shock’em-dead 
cinema, with a more psychologically 
ating screenplay and flashy per- 
nces by Nick Nolte (having a very 
good year with this and Prince of Tides) as 
the harassed lawyer and Robert De Niro 
the psychotic sex offender whose los 
ш case he once handled. Making the 
lawyer watch his wife and teenaged 
daughter being raped and murdered is 
the killer's diabolical plot. Jessica Lange 
and newcomer Juliette Lewis, dynamic 
as the sulky youngster, are both superb. 
In fact, Scorsese is so confident of his 
skill that he even amuses himself by cast- 
ing Gregory Peck and Robert Mitch- 
um—the hero and the stalker in the 
original film—in supporting roles. As be- 
fore, it comes to a bloody, preposterous 
crescendo aboard а houseboat in the 
bayou, with lots of dark humor to light- 
en a nerve-racking trip. ¥¥¥¥ 


MOVIE SCORE CARD 


capsule close-ups of current films 
by bruce williamson 


The Addams Fomily (Sce review) Good 
mean fun based on the cartoons. ¥¥¥ 
Antonio and Jane (Reviewed 1/92) Girl 
talk, with some real bite. ¥¥¥/2 
Beauly ond the Beest (Listed only) Top 
Disney animation in a hip, r 
musical 

Black Robe (Listed only) 
Bruce Beresford's rugged odyssey of 
a French priest's 17th Century trek 
into American Indian coun 
Cope Fear (See review) Sco 
make is a tour de talent. 
The Double life of Veronique (1/02) А 
very French identity game, but more 
style than substance. y 
For the Boys (Listed only) Show-must- 
go-on schmaltz drags, but Midler and 
Caan are dandy on all fronts. vv 
Frankie & Johnny (1/92) A blue-plate 
special about love on a diner's front 
burner WI), 
Hord Promises (1/92) Two guys want to 
marry Sissy Spacek. ууу» 
Hearts of Darkness: A Filmmoker^s Apoco- 
lypse (See review) Behind the scenes 
in a cornuCoppola. wy 
Homicide (11/01) Mantegna's Jewish 
cop finds his ethnic roots. vvv. 
K2 (12/91) Very high adventure УУУ 
Life 15 Sweet (1/92) But will there al- 
ways be an England уу 
Madame Bovory (Sce review) Huppert 
does Flaubert. Read the book. vv 
Meeting Venus (12/91) As an opera 
diva, Glenn Close has her way with. 
Wagner and her conductoi yyy 
A Midnight Clear (See review) Sharp 
new view of World War Two. yyy 
My Own Privote Idaho (12/91) Going 
westin Gus Van Sant's breezy study of 
gay male hustlers. E 
Other Peoples Money (1/92) Big bucks, 
big yucks and DeVito. EM 
Overseas (See review) Three sisters in 


Algeria. Wh 
The Prince of Tides (See review) 
Streisand's star power finally sabo- 


tages a fine romance. yyy 
Prospero’s Books (12/91) Gielgud re- 
cites, but Shakespeare gets lost in a 
colorful skin show. yyy 
Rhapsody in Avgust (1/92) Richard Gere 
hack to Nagasaki in Kurosawa's poet- 
ic essay on the bomb, WV) 
Rush (See review) A couple of narcs 
finally say yes to drugs. yyy 
Were Tolkin” Serious Money (1/92) Scams 
by a team ofscrewballs yvy 
Voyoger (Sce review) Sam Shepard 
racks up some mileage. УД 


¥¥¥¥ Don't miss 
УУУ Good show 


YY Worth a look 
y Forget it 


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Papes: 16 OI Their 
Greatest Hits 

(МСА) Вотвзе 
Cinderena: 

Heartbreak Station 
(Mercury) 73694 

The Best O Bad 
Compeny: 10 From 6 
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NOW THE BEST MUSIC OFFER IS ON SALE 
This offer expires Feb. 29th AND WILL NOT BE REPEATED IN 1992! 


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Paul Sinon: mme Boyz Nme Hood'Sduk. Varila ce: Extremely Kix: Hot Wire (EastWest The Doors/Sdirk. Dovid Sanborn: Another The Best Of Stevie 
RYN OI The Saints (Ones) 24419 Ка (SE 7007 terea) 690 (ee) S4289 Hand (Бо MAI Wicks: Timespace 
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Yanni: Reflections Dt (Asie) ater Меи as Wenn MEN BASO Sore рида меа Сант voou, leve Wonder Junge 
ER Mune) 24223 Пеко ноот Баатара О Болмо: (Ору азе Meoma лө? 
ee ED TIT ComoyTeny Even The Come hippo,  AaimiedäyReue Z2 Top: Elinor 

дезо Habitual T (Mone Brest tos (Беру) dit Taree Битка 
Wamerbros] 10020 tend RE ет он en Der Hall & John Obles: Flies On Fin: Rythm Syndicate (Longor) 35078 
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Decade (MCA) 54135% Palmer: Brain Salad pelear. (Arista) 00543 (АТСО) 24466 Whitney Houston: m Judy Garland: The Best 
Best Ot Eric Clapton: Surgery (Alam) 54608 Besar’ BonBon Jovi: Blaze DI Paty Loveless puri c M CN 
Ama Pus SED ANIME ET pua reete рау roc O Мыз pvo 
(Polydor 23385 Mime Sisi TOS Ding Wenysdrk Rod Stewart's: (CR) mal Frank Sinava/Satia Keith Sweat: YH Give Al 
Janet Jackson's oCyrerColection ^ (EB) PER Greatest His Gary Burton: Cool Reprise The Very Good My Love To You 
Anyıhm Nation 1814 ا‎ i (Warner Bros) 23779 Nights (GFP) 63652 Years (Reprise) 80304 (Elektra) 51603 
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Danny Gator: EB Elmia Aum (RCA) 20768  (WanerBros) 52080 Висси OI Charie (Warner Eros) 29005 Mistaken denik ae 
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not at regular Club prices — but at a whopping 50%-off жа Ps <= Yes, please accept my membership in the BMG Compact Disc Club and send my 
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26 


VIDEO 


ШИЙ 


Now in his 41st year 
in the recording in- 
dustry, singer Tony 
Bennett looks for 
videos with the same 
lasting quality. “I love 
the classics," һе 
says, "with timeless, 
good performances." 
Gone with the Wind. The Wizard of Or, Cit- 
izen Kane and The Maltese Falcon are all 
in his laser-disc library, as well as "any- 
thing with Gene Kelly or Fred Astaire." 
Bennett also collects the jazz vids of Duke 
Ellington, Count Basie and Ella Fitzgerald. 
With the release of his own best-of tape, 
Tony Bennett Live: Watch What Happens, 
does the singer rank himself among the 
legends? "I don't know,” he demures, “I've 
got a way to go yet.” ав raso 


BRUCE ON VIDEO 
our movie crific goes to the tape 


"These films 


ay have had pitifully brief 
runs in the theater, but they feature 
scrumptious stars with whom you'd love 
to spend a romantic evening at home. 
Block Rainbow: W d, off-the-wall 
melodr for Rosanna Arquette watch- 
ers. She's a fake medium who starts 
flashing on people about to die. With 
Тот Hulce, Jason Roba 
Cat Chaser: Plenty of nudity and nasty 
deeds in an Elmore Leonard love story. 
Stars Kelly McGillis and Peter (RoboCop) 
as a duo sweating to get hold of 
her husband's топе 
ithin: Greta Scacchi sizzles as an er- 
rant wife warming up Miami's Little Ha- 
vana with Vincent D'Onofri 
husband (Jimmy Smits) is spr 
prison cell in Cuba 

The Maid: It’s Martin Sheen as 
pretending to be Jacqueline Bi 
by sitter. Pretty people in Paris in an old- 
fashioned romantic comedy—backed up 
by god-awful music 

Victim of Love: Gorgeous Virginia Madsen 
and JoBeth Williams are the beauties, 
Pierce Brosnan the beastly swinger who 
juggles femmes in a kind of sofi-edged 
Fatal Altraction. BRUCE WILLIAMSON 


VIDEO PIGSKIN 


This year, NFL Films celebrates its 25th 
ason as football's best-known chroni- 
cler. In honor of the occasion, go to the 
ape with. 

Silver Celebration: Compendium of NFL. 
Films's best-loved trademarks—the slo- 
o, telephoto close-ups of descending 
spirals, the live wires on the 
and a tribute to the late John 


the voice of NFL Films. Best choke-ups: 
Dick Vermeil's emotional "burnout" 1 
ignation speech and ВШ Curry's clo- 
quent ode to the “brotherhood” found 


thriller to the “perfect 
Dan-o and the Marl 
history of the storied fra 
Csonka, Kiick, Morris, Griese 
it all, Don Shula, the second-winning 
coach in NFL history. Extra point: re- 
play of kicker Garo Yepremian's ill-fated 
backward pass in Super Bowl VII. 

Super Bowl Dream Team: In 1990, the NFL's 
Pro Magazine asked readers to. name 
their favorite all-time gridiron greats. 
The winn of the ballot е fea- 
tured here, harged clips of the 
ars, including San 
Francisco 49ers Joe Montana and Ron- 
nie Lott and Pitsburgh Steeler Franco 


new entries: NFL Exposé, а 
tabloid-style take on football's on-field 


Thunder ond Destruction, 50 minutes of ex- 
plosive performances by the game's hard- 


HIS AND HER 
VIDEOS 
OF THE MONTH 


HIS: Billy Crystal and two 
pals bride their mid-life 
angst in City Slickers, a 
wild West cowboy fanta- 
sy—complete with Jack 
Palance—that suggests a man can't know 
love until he's had a cow. Or, at least, 
helped a cow have a cow (New Line). 


HER: Last year's surprise 
sleeper, Thelma & Louise, 
stars Susan Sarandon and 
Geena Davis as liberated 
ladies who, sans men, take 
off across the Southwest 
in a '66 T-bird convertible. 
The media-hyped gender- 
role rebellion aside, it's a 
great buddy movie. Ridley Scott directs. 
Too bad they can't do a sequel (MGIV/UA). 


est-hitting players—past and present 

— DAN CURRY 
All tapes available from Media Home Enter- 
tainmeni; to order, call 800-NFL-TAPE. 


WITH YOUR FUNNY VALENTINE 


Soapdish: Bock- 
stoge comedy of 
eros with Kevin 
Kline, Solly Field, 
Robert Dawney, Jr, 
and Cathy Moriarty 
as denizens of day- 
time TV. Viewers 
fond af hammy 
stars engaging in 
PG-13 lust will 
find much to like 


here (Poramount). 


WITH YOUR LUCY VALENTINE 


HM 
ШЫ 


Babalu Music: If 
you loved Lucy, 
yov'll adore these 
sweetheart songs 
ond novelty num- 
bers by everyone's 
favorite TV couple. 
Highlights: We're 
Having a Boby, 
Cheek ta Cheek and 
the titulor classic— 
with Ricky an can- 
ga, af course (CBS). 


WITH YOUR JUICY VALENTINE 


The Adventures of 
Mikki Finn: A sweet, 
sexy songwriter 
goes ta Hollywaod 
and—guess 
what?—discavers 
is sleozy A hat 
spin on on old sta- 
ty, vid conforms ta 
new adult-industry 
trend: knockout lod- 
~ ies, scorching 35mm 
action (Caballero). 


Welcome to the state of relaxation. Enjoy your stay. 


Christian Brothers Brandy. 


STYLE 


MAKING THE STRETCH 


Lycra spandex, that shiny fabric used in cycling shorts and 
other fitness garb, is now giving added stretch and texture to 
sportswear and even tailored clothing. Aside from flattering a 
well-toned physique, Lycra, when blended with other fabrics, 
helps clothes move with you. So far, 
designers are mainly mixing it 
with cotton in tops rang- 
ing from T-shirts and 
tanks to zip polos 
and muscle shirts. 
Get Wet offers sev- 
eral of these уа! 
tions at prices 
from $20 to $35, 
as does SINT 
($90 to $140) and 
2 (x)is ($35 to 
$80. Lycra also 
helps new knits retain 
their shape. Frank et Gertíe 
offers а cool selection of stretch- 
knit jackets, vests, pants and shirts ($40 
to $140), and Barnes Storm has added Lycra 
to cotton to create surface patterns on crewneck sweaters 
(shown here, $130). Even Giorgio Armani and Donna Karan 
are experimenting with wool/Lycra blends to create smooth- 
moving clothing, especially double-breasted jackets. 


TATTOO YOU 


Talk about the pains of staying in fashion. Getting tattooed is 
one of the trendiest things you can do this spring. Ar- 
mani's and Versace's bare-chested runway models had 
them, as did the models in Calvin Klein's sexy ad cam- 
paign. And so do scores of celebrities—Johnny Depp, 
Cher, Tom Arnold and Julia Roberts. The 

experts claim that the best places to be- 

come a human canvas are in Los An- 
geles, particularly Red Devil 
Studios on Highland Avenue, 
Sunset Strip Tattoo and Bob 
Robert's Spotlight Tattoo on 

Melrose Avenue. Rates ( 
range from $35 to $125; 
roses, snakes, hearts and 
lightning bolts are among. 
the most requested. Tribal- 
style arm and ankle bands are 
the latest. rage. For the less 
courageous, there are even tattoo 
decals ($2 to $8) sold in specialty bou- 
tiques such as New York's Reminiscence or 
Unique Clothing Warehouse. 


Banded or buttondown collars; loose fits; 
gne 


Washed silk; rayon; denii 
dued colors; 


FABRICS AND COLORS 


HOT SHOPPING: SEATTLE 


The red lights and waterfront sailor bars that once lined Seat- 
tle's First Avenue are now an upscale venue of shops. Here are 


some you shouldn't 
VIEWPOINT 


mi: Uno (1927 
First): Fine-tailored 
dothing spread out Touring with a new trio and promot- 
on furniture such as ing his seventh album, The Beauty- 
dining-room tables F117 Ones Are Not Yet Born, 
and bedroom bu- saxophone artist 
reaus make this invit- Branford Marsalis 
ing boutique the has more fo worry 
next best thing to about than his ward- 
home shopping. e robe, "When I'm 
Fast Forward (1918 playingeighteen dates 
м): A recent ar- in twenty-one nights, 
rival featuring avant- I can't be a slave to 


garde garb, furniture, on aye the 
art and accessories. e 


Zebra Club (1901 
First): This leading 
destination for de- 
signer denim and 
hip sportswear re- 
sembles a stripped- 
down sound stage. e 
The Forum Mens- 
wear (95 Pine): One 
of the city's broadest 
selections of afford- 
able contemporary 
male fashions. 


busy jazzman, who 
still finds time to mix 


Gaul and Verri Uo- 
mo suits with Valenti- 
no print ties. When 
not performing, Mar- 
salis is а self-de- 
scribed "designer hippie" in long- 
sleeved T-shirts from Comme des 
Garcons and ragged jeans. He also 
hits the courts in Reebok Pumps— 
and likes to wear green. "They call 
me the Green Man. It's my color." 


HOT SPAS 


Once viewed as refuges for wealthy women and ample 
gals, the nation's leading spas are now attracting an 
increasing number of men—looking to trade in 
bad habits for good health. Here are a few of the 
best. The Golden Door (Escondido, California): 
There are five men-only weeks per year, com- 
plete with relaxation, skin-care and fitness 
programs ($3950). The International Health 
& Beauty Spa (Long Island, New York): 
Five-day Executive Longevity Programme 
) provides full-scale health/fitness profiles 
along with relaxation therapy (from $898). 
24, Canyon Ranch (Tucson, Arizona, and 
) Lenox. Massachusetts): features boxercise 
classes and weight-training classes (from 
$1880). Safety Harbor (near Tampa, Florida): 
Sports training and relaxation programs fit for 
pros. Sugar Ray Leonard was just one of its tough 
Customers (from $500). 


M E T E 


Short sleeves; fitted shirts; bowling 
shirts; Hawaiion shirts 


See-through or no-iron fabrics; scarf 


stripes prints; polka dots; pastels 


Open patch pockets; top button 
worn open 


Logos; epaulets; turned-up or 
stiffened collars 


Where & How to Buy on page 159. 


SPECIAL EDITIONS LIMITED 


BY KEITH HARING AND ANDY WARHOL 


In the Sixties, ANDY WARHOL created the pop-art tradition. In the Eighties, KEITH HARING took that 
tradition to the street with his bold, graffiti-style vision. During their careers, each artist contributed 
signature designs to the pages of Playboy magazine. Now, Warhol's Rabbit Head and Haring's Bunny 
On the Move and Dancers series are creatively transferred to this unique collection of art watches. 


HARING 
EGYPTIAN MAN 
PA-HBS14 


WARHOL 
RABBIT HEAD 
PAWBR26 


HARING 
SPLIT MAN 
BUNNY ON PA-HBS11 
THE MOVE 
PA-HMR23 


KICKING MAN 
PA-HBS10 


DELIVERY. 


HARING WATCHES WERE MADE WITHOUT THE PARTICIPATION 
OR APPROVAL OF KEITH HARING OR HIS ESTATE. 


© SPECIAL сотона namen 1991 


30 


By DIGBY DIEHL 


n his writing ca- 


of L.A.PD. 


JOSEPH WAMBAUGH bega 
reer by drawing on 14 yea 
experience to show the human side of 
police work. In novels, nonfiction and in 
his Police Story TV series, he showed us 
young cops who laughed and suffered 
through the stress of daily tragedy. Ht 
seemed natural that they were all men. 

Today, however, is a new era. We have 
women police officers and women pro- 
tagonists in crime fiction. Breda Bur- 
veteran of the L.A.PD. 
ive agency 
in Palm Springs, is the heroine of 
fambaugh’s latest novel, Fugitive Nights 
(Morrow). Her client is a wealthy woman 
who wants to find out why the husband 
she thought was impotent is visiting a 
sperm bank. Like most PIs, Breda is not 
thrilled to deal with domestic surveil- 
lance, and she is even less thrilled at the 
prospect of having to work with a sperm- 
producing partner for the first time 
since she left the force 

But she needs the money and so does 
Lynn Cutler, the male ex-detective she 
teams up with. 

What makes Fugitive Nighis work so 
well is Wambaugh's intimate knowledge 
of the cop mind—female, in this case. He 
sensitively explores Breda's fec He 
also gives her an aura of tough inde 
pendence and a mouth for wisecracks 
that could belong only to a cop (she 
defines PM.S. as ^puky men’s shit” 
friendship that blossoms betwee 
and Lynn (with a bit of lust on his side) 
has the corny warmth of country songs 
from desert radio stations. 

In Private Eyes (Bantam), Jonathan 
Kellerman stays with his recurring pro- 
tagonist, Dr. Alex Delawa à child psy- 
chologisudetective whose empathy with 
the lives of his patients often transcends 


his careful deductive reasoning. Del- 
aware is plunged into his latest crime 


adventure when a wealthy young heiress 
whom he had treated as a seven-ye ld 
calls for help 11 later. Her agora 
phobic mother, the victim of an acid at- 
tack, is missing, and the monster who 
masterminded the attack had just been 
released from San Quentin. Kellerman 
weaves a web of past relationships and 
contemporary secrets for Delaware to 
unravel with the help of his friend, de- 
tective Milo Sturgis. Kellerman, himself 

child psychologist, has used his profes- 
sional experiences to make his stories of 
kids caught up in crimes vividly realistic. 
In the process, he stakes out this unique 
area of crime fiction as his own territory. 
In this, his seventh book of fiction, he 
explores the subject with haunting emo- 
onal powe: 

Two U.S, 


rontations are 


military соці 


Joseph Wambaugh's Fugitive Nights. 


A new era in crime fiction 
and two blow-by-blow accounts 
of U.S. military confrontations. 


viewed from different perspectives in 
Live from Baghdad (Doubleday), by Robert 
Wiener, and Eyeball te Eyeball ( 
House), by Dino A. Brugion: 
was the CNN executive producer who 
stayed in Iraq during Desert Storm and 
made broadcasting history with Peter 
Arnett while bombs dropped all around 
them. On the TV screen, their cou 
and professionalism. electrified audi- 
ences around the world. Behind the 
scenes was another story, as Wiener re- 
veals in this memoir that is by turns ter- 
rifying and hilarious. In the opening 
chapter, he describes the excruciating 
ions faced by each member of the 
-person CNN team on January 16, 
the code warning for the 
. invasion—"The kids have the 
sniffles"—is relayed to the press head- 
quarters in the ALRasheed Hotel. A few 
days later, the only Amei 
resentatives not expelled fi 
е Wiener, Arnett and a brave en; 
Is his day-to-day ne- 
ions with the lraqis, the stall 's 
comic craziness—born of tension. and 
struggles with technical glitches 
buttonholing the Achille Lauro terrorist 
Mohammed Abbas for an interview and 
his own emotional roller coaste he 
orchestrates the CNN coverage of the 
war from ground zero. 

In Eyeball to Eyeball, Brugioni provides 
à behind-the-scenes account of 1962's 
Cuban Missile Crisis that is dearly more 
history than memoir. In addition to 


sharing his inside knowledge as the pri- 


mary aerial reconnaissance expert for 
the CIA during the crisis. Brugioni spent 
ten years researching this well-doc 


n мей 600-page study. It’s an engaging 
book, from Brugioni's desci on of the 
first stunned, angry reaction of Bobby 
Kennedy (who was outraged that 
Khrushchev had lied to his brother, the 
President) through the nerve-rac 
negotiations at the brink of nuclear war, 
the full SAC alert and, finally, the Soviet 
"blink^ His account details the crucial 
role played by the U-2 spy planes and 
the low-altitude aerial photographs of 
the Soviet missile sites in Cuba. Brugioni 
gives us a blow-by-blow examination of 
the most critical moment in U.S.-Soviet 
relations, as well as a superb insight into 
telligence gathering. 

Part of the mystique behind our con- 
tinuing national love affair with Marilyn 


g 


Monroe is the tantalizing notion that 
there was a “real” Marilyn behind the 
ditzy image of a sex goddess. Writers 


such as Arthur Miller (who should have 
known best), Norman Mailer and even 
Gloria Steinem have tried to probe for 
the woman masked by the sensuous fan- 
tasy she projected. One of the most plau- 
sible and entertaining expeditions into 
the legend of Marilyn is Sam Toperofl’s 
new novel, Queen of Desire (Harper- 
Collins), which pieces together 
dents from her life with imaginary 
conversations and moments of revel 
tion. The final chapter—in which Mari- 
lyn calls in to a late-night talk show to 
converse with noted atheist Madalyn 
Murray O'Hair about creativity, sex 
ality and death—is a stunning tour de 
force of subtle emotion communicated 
through dialog. 


BOOK BAG 


Texas Summer (Arcade), by Terry South- 
ern: Turning from the bizarre comedy of 
Dr. Strangelove and Candy, Southern gives 
an idyllic story about a 12-year-old 
black boy's summer, which comes to an 
abrupt and horrific end. 

The Last Liberator (Dutton), by Jerry 
Yulsman: The author recounts his grip- 
ping World War Two experiences in the 
mission to bomb the Ploesti oil fields in 
Romania. 

The Sheriff of Nortingham (Viking), by 
Richard Kluger: Robin Hood's old enc- 
my got a bum rap in history, so Kluger 
sets the record straight with a colorful 
asy. 
ime (Do: ine), edited by 
ynthia Manson and Charles Ardai, this 
anthology of sf short stories conjures up 
the dark s les to come. 


l inci- 


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32 


MEN 


A merican men did not organize or 
lobby or say very much as the 


Clarence Thomas-Anita Hill hearing 
roared like a forest fire through our cul- 
ture this past fall. Indeed, American 
men didn't do much of anything except 
hunker down and hope that the flames 
would pass. It was a time for survival, 
not a time for debate. 

Once again, the political momentum 
has swung to the other side of the gen- 
der gap as various women's rights 
groups and women’s rights lawyers and 
women's rights lobbyists and women's 
rights activists insisted that (a) sexual 
harassment of women by men was ram- 
pant throughout America, (b) under the 
law, sexual harassment was to be defined 
solely on a reasonable woman's terms 
and (c) under the law, a hostile environ- 
ment in the workplace was whatever a 
reasonable woman said it was. 

As men, we mostly sat there and took 
that abuse without ubjection. We knew 
that some men harass women in the 
workplace. But we also knew that to 
protest the direction against men that 
this issue was taking might be fatal to our 
professional health. “If you question 
anything we claim about this subject,” we 
could hear many of our female col- 
leagues saying, "then you must be 
vor of men's harassing women. Ther 
cannot be two sides." 

We hoped against hope that the 
grillings of Thomas and Hill would not 
focus on us personally, that no one 
would ask us if we had used the term 
pubic hair in office conversation in the 
last decade or had attended a porno- 
graphic movie while we were in college 
or had rented an X-rated video tape. 

Such questions were potentially dead- 
nd they contained accusations that 
impossible for us to disprove or de- 
fend against: In her terms, are you now 
or have you ever been a man who asked 
a female colleague out on a date once too 
ofi In her terms, have you ever told 
an offensive joke at the office in mixed 
company? In her terms, have you ever 
made obscene gestures with your hands, 
or looked at her body in the wrong way, 
or placed pinups or cartoons that were 
offensive to her in a place where she 
might see them? In her terms, have you 
ever created а hostile environment— 


ly, 


wer 


By ASA BABER 


NEW RULES 
FOR HER 


however she defines it—for her 
workplace? 

“Damned if 1 know,” most men said to 
themselves as the witch trials continued. 
“It is very hard for me to figure out what 
her terms are. Im a guy. I can't think 
like a woman—especially a prudish and 
easily offended woman 

But most men did not say that pub- 
licly. We live in a time of sexual inquisi- 
deemed to be more 
prudent than confrontation. 

As men, our interests in this question 

of sexual harassment and how it is to be 
legally defined have mostly been ig- 
nored. We are in a new area of the law, 
one that has been shaped primarily b 
feminist influences. We are vulnerable. 
the extreme to false charges of sexual 
harassment, and we know it. 
р until now, the focus of the discus- 
n has been on male behavior. (That is 
one of the problems you will run into if 
you are accused of sexual harassment by 
one of your co-workers. Your behavior 
will be placed under a microscope, but 
hers will not.) So just for starters, let's 
turn the question around and ask our- 
selves this simple but serious question: 
As men, what behavior do we now ex- 
pect from our female associates in the 
workplace?” 


your 


Gentlemen, these are the five rules she 
is to follow. Read them to yourself, then 
read them to her Because until men 
have equal protection under the law, it is 
your job to live defensively 

1. Do not make sexual jokes with me, and 
do not laugh al my sexual jokes if I mistaken- 
ly make them with you. We may have 
shared some good laughs together, but 
those days are over. I declare myself a 
corporate prude, and I ask you to do the 
same. Humor y. It can turn on a 
dime and be easily misunderstood, and 
it courts a sexual harassment lawsuit by 
its very nature. So until the law is more 
clear, you cool it and I cool it. 

2. Do not tell me about your love life and 1 
will not tell you about mine. This, too, can 
be a fatal attraction in the workplace. 
Until things get sorted out, understand 
that sexual neutrality is my only protec- 


tion as a male. Do not use me as a 
confidant for your marital or social 
problems. 


3. Do not send me mixed messages. Anoth- 

way of saying this is “Stop with the 
flirtation already.” Nothing can confuse 
me more than a bright feminine smile 
and seductive feminine talk followed by 
a personnel officer with sexual harass- 
ment investigation forms. That kind of 
communication can ruin my day. 

4. Be accountable for your own actions and 
responses. Yes, Ms. America, I ask that you 
understand your own sexuality. If, in 
our working relationship, you are at- 
tracted to me, even temporarily, please 
admit that attraction to yoursel and 
then act even more carefully around me. 
Nothing confuses me more than a wom- 
an who comes on to me like Madonna in 
heat and then suddenly gets insulted 
when I respond to that heat. 

5. If by any chance you and 1 form an inti- 
male alliance outside the office, promise me 
that there it shall remain for all time. This 
means that if said intimate relationship 
sours, there will be no professional retri- 
bution by you. You will not seek venge- 
ance against me by setting me up for a 
sexual harassment lawsuit in the office. 

There they are, men. Five rules for 
emale colleagues to live by, But if 
e still confused, let me put it to you 
in our terms, man to man: From now on, 
watch your ass—and nobody else's 


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Pre been freaking out ever since hear- 
ing the news of Magic Johnson's infec- 
tion with the AIDS virus. I haven't 
scored like Earvin—either on or off the 
dwood—but Fm not monogamous 
ther. In fact, 1 don't even remember all 
their names. Should 1 get tested? And 
how does the test work?—W. C., F 
mingham, Massachusetts. 

If you're freaking oul, the first thing you 
need is a reality check. Although its possible 
for the human immunodeficiency. virus 
(HIV), which causes AIDS, to be passed from 
women to men during oral, vaginal or anal 
intercourse, fewer than twa percent of AIDS 
cases diagnosed in men horn in the U.S. have 
been transmitted helerosevually (2695 of 
173,974). And in most of those, the women 
were 1.V-drug users or yecipients of conlamı- 
nated blood transfusions. After an announce- 
ment like Magic's, ¡Us natural for anyone who 
has had more than one lover in the last decade 
lo worry about AIDS. But if your lovers are 
nol т any risk groups, your risk is probably 
quite low, For a free expert opinion, call the 
National AIDS Hotline at 800-342-2437 
(Spanish: 800-344-7452; TTY/TDD: 800- 
243-7889). Hotline information specialists 
can help you assess your risk. If you decide to 
get tested, they can also refer you to an HIV 
lest site near you. AIDS testing involves twa 
blood tests, neither of which detects the HIV 
virus itself. Instead, they detect the antibodies 
your immune system produces as a result of an 
attack by the virus. И takes a while after in- 
fection Jor your body to produce enough anti- 
bodies to turn the tesis positive, The 
majority of people produce detectable antibod- 
ies within three months. A few take up to six 
months. One report some years ago suggested 
that it may take as long as three years, but that 
study has never been replicated, not even by its 
original authors. Because of the time lag, you 
might test negative today but still be infected if 
you had unprotected sex within the last three 
months, For the most reliable vesult, have only 
safe sex for six months before testing. Of 
course, nonmonogamous lovers should prac- 
lice safe sex anyway, nol just to prevent AIDS, 
but to prevent other sexually transmilted infec- 
tions as well. You may also be concerned about 
the privacy of your HIV test results. 
ingly, people must sign away medi 
dentiality as a condition of employment or 
insurance. If you'd rather keep your findings 
private, take the test anonymously—no names, 
just ID letters or numbers. That way, you're 
the only one who ever learns your result. Call 
beforehand and ask about anonymity. Also ask 
about counseling. The best testing sites offer 
pre-and post-test counseling 


O: sionally 


эт my local 


там 


when renting movies 
leo store, Гуе noticed 


that the tape is damaged along the bot- 
tom edge. H the damage is minor. play- 
back is OK, but sometimes the picture is 
really bad. Tm wondering what causes 
th nd whether or not it will hurt my 
VCR.—B. T.. Chicago. Minoi 

Basically. all Beta and VHS video tape is 
divided into three sections—the top portion is 
used for audio, the middle for video and the 
bottom for control tracks. The control tracks’ 
function is similar to that of the sprocket holes 
in reel-to-reel movie films—essentially, to keep 
the picture running smoothly. If the bottom 
edge of the video tape is damaged, signals get 
screwed up. The video drum doesn't know how 
fast to go and the heads dont know when to 
change tracks. In other words, you get a pic- 
ture thal varies from poor to horrible, depend- 
ing on the extent of the damage. It can affect 
your VER. If the oxide coating on the tape 
flakes, it will foul the heads and transport 
mechanism. It's a good idea tu make sure your 
own equipment is in shape. If you notice that 
the machine is ruining your personal tapes, 
take it in for a checkup. 


Wehen my boyfriend goes down on me, 
his beard stubble feels like sandpaper on 
the sensitive skin of my upper thighs and 
vaginal lips. I mentioned the problem 
and he started shaving in the 
s, but cither he ha 
ard or else my genitals is 
of The Princess and the Pea. We've 
aving him cover his cheeks with 
nds, but that was too awkward 
Ditto for draping the sheets over my 
nd pubi Please help us!— 
sota, Florida. 

Encourage your boyfriend to grow а beard. 
Once they've grown in, beards feel softer and 


ILLUSTRATION BY PATER SATO 


less irritating than whisker stubble. Ask men 
why they grow beards and they say they hate 
shaving, or have sensitive facial skin, or want 
to look older and more distinguished, or hope 
to hide a weak chin. But ask the women in 
their lives and, with a wink or sly smile. they 
often say something quite different. 


Please senle this matter once and for 
all: Does hanging bicycles upside down 
from their wheels (rims) on those screw- 
torage hooks do any damage to said 
or should another means of sus- 
n be devised? 
fornia. 

Hes perfectly OK to hang your bike. Hey, if 
you leave your feet in the toe clips, your bike 
tan double as gravity boots. In any case, an 
engineer from the Schwinn Bicycle Company 
offers these insights: Todays bikes generally 
are lightweight enough—and modern wheels 
are strong enough—that hanging a bike by its 
wheels on a hook should do no damage lo the 
bike, the wheel or the wheel rim. Most hooks 
sold today are well padded to minimize the risk 
of damage to your bike. However, if you hang 
your bike to store й, use extra caution around 
all cables, rubber pads, brakes, seats and han- 
dle bars. Make sure the bike is as clean as pos- 
sible before hanging, and watch for oil 
dripping from the chain. Мом bikes are 
lightweight enough to hang them virtually 
anywhere, and by the frame if space permits. It 
makes litle difference whether уси store the 
bike horizontally or vertically, upside down or 
right side up. 


F read in a women's magazine that doc- 
tors now blame some women’s loss of 
sexual desire on a lack of testosterone. 1 
didn’t know women even had testos- 
terone. My sex drive is still alive and 
well, but not quite as alive as it used to 
be, and I can't think of any other reason 
why. I'ma 29-year-old, healthy, physic 
ly active, nonsmoking, modest-drinking 
woman involved in a ¢ 
Should 1 have my ho 
And if so, how is this done?—C. 
land, Vermont. 

Yes, women have testosterone, and yes, 
testosterone deficiency can contribute to loss of 
female sexual desire. Men produce ten to 15 
limes more of the hormone than women, but 
without the tiny amount of testosterone pro- 
duced by the ovaries, women would have little 
sex drive. Testosterone levels can be measured 
with a blood test. Far years, some Canadian 
and European. sexual-medicine authorities 
have been evaluating women’s testosterone 
levels, and if tests show a deficiency, they pre- 
scribe Ihe hormone, either by injection or as a 
cream applied lo the vagina. (You cant take 
testosterone orally because it may cause liver 


»od relationship. 
mones checked 
5., Rut- 


35 


PLAYBOY 


36 


damage.) In addition to increased libido, the 
women typically report more energy and a 
greater sense of well-being. But until recently, 
most U.S. physicians did not lest women’s 
testosterone levels and rarely prescribed the 
hormone for fear of its potential masculiniz- 
ing side effects: deepening of the voice and 
growth of facial hair. These problems can nsu- 
ally be eliminated with a lower dose. Now 
some U.S. gynecologists have begun prescrib- 
ing hormones that include testosterone, partic- 
ularly lo women who have had they ovaries 
surgically removed. We suggest you consult 
your gynecologist, and if he or she is reluctant 
to order a testosterone test, ask for a refer 
an endocrinología. 


Recently, I threw a big party for about 
20 of my friends and, because I was serve 
ing food, I bought 20 boules of a medi- 
um-priced cabernet sauvignon. During 
the evening, we opened nearly eve 
one, and I was left with five bottles that 
were three quarters full. Thinking my 
wine cellar (a shelf on the closet wall, ac- 
tually) well stocked for a while, I 
recorked the boules. To my dismay, 
when I opened one two weeks later, | 
discovered that the wine had turned to 
vinegar. Should 1 refrigerate it next 
time>—N. C., New York, New York. 

When you open а bottle of red wine and ex- 
pose it to oxygen, the oxygen immediately starts 
ruining it—whether or not it is recorhed. 
Even in the fridge, an open bottle of red won't 
last more than 24 hours, 48 tops. Bul all is 
not lost; there are products designed to retard 
the fermentation for a week or two. Wine 
savers such as the Vacu-Vin ($15-820) are 
plastic gizmos with rubber stoppers that re- 
move oxygen from the bottle and create a sort 
of vacuum. If you have a few half-full bottles 
of the same wine, take а clean. empty bottle 
and fill il as much as possible before applying 
the Vacu-Vin. There are more-complex gadgets 
that inject nitrogen or other gases to push out 
the oxygen, bul for midrange wines, the sim- 
pler ones are fine—you wouldn't want lo 
recork a 5100 Bordeaux, anyway. And there 
are two more options: Buy less or drink more. 
You might also try to finish each bottle before 
opening another. 


. my wife of two ye 
ideo camera and a tripod. 1 
used the camera regularly for a while, 
then lost interest. Then one night when 
I came home. she sat me down in front 
of the TV, popped a tape into the VCR 
nd cuddled up next to me on the 
couch. To my absolute astonishment, the 
video showed my wile wearing li i 
and puttering around in our kitchen. 
Then she undressed slowly, climbed on- 
to the table and beg; 
with her legs open to the came 
point, [begged her to make love to me. 
Watching her on the screen at the same 
ume we were having sex was the most 


erotic experience of my life. We've 
played this experience quite a few times 
and now we want to share. Do you know 
of any companies that produce nonpro- 
fessional erotic videos?—C_ N., Nashua. 
New Hampshire. 

You might want lo try the aduli-video sec- 
tion of your local video store. Both A Mature 
Video Productions of Nashville, Tennessee, 
and А è B Video of Orlando, Florida, dis- 
tribute amateur video tapes nationally, You 
may find ads in your local swingers’ tabloid. 
The practice of trading amateur videos is an 
unregulated, grass-roots movement. Youll 
never really know where or how your footage 
will be used. Nor will you know the video com- 
pany you keep. You're on your own. 


WI, buddy says that brothels started 
displaying red lights on the outside be- 
cause they were traditionally decorated 
with red velvet on the inside. 1 find this 
difficult to believe. It seems more likely 
to me that the red light was inspired by 
early traffic signs. On the highway, red 
has always meant stop, and that's what 
brothels have always wanted men to do. 
But we're only speculating. We figured 
that if anyone knew, you would.—R. P, 
Alexandria, Virginia. 

According to “Sex in History,” by Reay 
Tannahill, the red light originated in medir- 
val China. From time immemorial, brothels 
have atiracted customers by decorating their 


wide-open windows and doors with scantily 
dressed ladies who beckoned customers with 
provocative come-on lines or flashes of flesh. 
But as early as the 13th Century, Chinese 
brothels catering to high-ranking government 
officials perceived a need for subtlety, and they 
developed a discreet symbol that signaled what 
was available inside—bamboo lamps with red 
silk shades, the color ved being a Chinese sym- 
bol of good fortune. The red-light symbol 
transplanted to America during the 
Rush, when Chinese brathel owners imported 
the bamboo lamps along with Asian women lo 
service the thousands of Chinese men 
flocked to California to build. the railroads. 
American brothel owners adopted the red 
light, and the vest is history. 


к asy. polite way to tell a lover 
that a certain move doesn’t feel good? I 
joy having my nipples caressed. but 
sometimes my boyfriend. pinches them 


in a way that makes me feel uncomfort- 
able. R., Hun 3 
We sympathize. It's difficult to tell a {ох 


“Мор, that hurts” Fortunately, Michael 
Castleman addresses this problem in “Sexual 
Solutions: A Guide for Men and the Women 
Who Love Them." He suggests that lovers de- 
velop a nonverbal "stop? signal to cover ev- 
enthing from the situation you describe lo 
untimely needs such as lo sneeze or lake а 
bathroom break. During an intimate but nan- 
sexual moment, lell your boyfriend that you 
enjoy his caresses bul sometimes need a slighi- 


dy different kind of tonch—softer, harder. slow- 
ex whatever. Chances are, he sometimes has 
similar needs. Then suggest a “stop” signal 
you both can use. Castleman suggests a pinch 
or a gentle tweak of your boyfriend's ear lobe. 
When he stops doing whatever makes you un- 
comfortable, there's no need to communicate 
verbally. Instead, place your hand on his and 
show him how you'd like to be touched. Or 
Touch him in the way youd like to be caressed, 
The nonverbal approach is easier, less inter- 
rupling and more effective—not to mention 
more fun. 


ылу, Гуе become concerned about 
my orgasms. Sometimes they feel like 
full-body convulsions—vou know, the 
earth moves—but at other times, they 
just feel like a few quick spurts—nice but 
nothing spec 
married five years to a woman who 
ly turns me on. The only patterns I've 
noticed are that my orgasms tend to be 
weaker when we have quickies or do it 
unusually late at n ^ g on 
here?— V. G., Sp: Nevada. 

Two possibilities, both easily remedied. 
We're not surprised that your climaxes don't. 
register ou the Richter scale when you work 
the bedsprings in the wee hours. Fatigue often 
takes the earthquake out of orgasm. The big O 
depends on muscle contractions in the pelvic 
area and, like any tired muscles, the ones in- 
sm can become, in Chuck 
Berry's immortal wards, too pooped to pop. 
Make love earlier in the evening when you 
have more energy. As for quickies, sure, they 
can be grat fun, bul the orgasms that con 
elude them may be disappointing because of 
what Los Angeles clinical psychologist Stella 
Resnick. PhD., calls “premature inter- 
course.” H lakes a good deal of foreplay —ide. 
ally, this involves slow, sensual. whole-body 
caressing—lo become sufficiently aroused to 
enjoy an earth-shattering orgasm. Resnick 
points out that quickies often involve minimal 
caressing and. as a result, produce minimal- 
intensity orgasms. There's no need to abandon 
quickies altogether, of course. (We cherish the 
occasional nooner.) Just make them as sensnal 
as possible in the time available. Use а mas- 
sage lotion, or begin the arousal process be- 
forehand with an erotic telephone conversation 


voked in m 


Al reasonable questions—from fashion, 
Jood and drink, stereo und sports cars lo dating 
problems, laste and eliquette—will be person- 
ally answered if the writer includes a stamped, 
self-addressed envelope. Send all letters to 
The Playboy Advisor, Playboy, 680 North 
Lake Shore Drive. Chicago, Illinois 60611 
The mosi provecatiee, pertinent queries 
will be presented on these pages each month. 


Dial The Playboy Hotline today; get closer 
to the Playmates as they reveal secrets about 
dating and women! Call. 1-900-740-3311; 
only three dollars per minute. 


THE PLAYBOY FORUM 


in which the dickheads take bette's diner 


The voice mail alerted us. We 
punched in our code and heard a 
message recorded over the weekend. 
"Hi. This is Bill Redican. I'm an edi- 
tor for educational television in 
Berkeley. I read in Herb Caen's col- 
umn that someone was tossed out of a 
restaurant named Bette's Ocean View 
Diner for reading a copy of Playboy. 
This is outrageous. We can't have 
waitresses deciding our reading ma- 
terial. They've crossed 
the line. I am going to 


waitress in his section saw the cover of 
the magazine, approached him, told 
him it offended her and politely 
asked that he either stop reading it or 
move to another section. No one at 
any шше asked him to leave the 
restaurant,’ they write. ‘As a result of 
this incorrect reporting, we are un- 
justly being harassed by people who 
have never eaten here and yet are 
calling up and vowing never to pa- 


on Playboy magazine. We have a legal 
and moral responsibility both to sup- 
port and protect the rights of our cus- 
tomers and our staff from being 
discriminated against or harassed for 
any reason. We arc now proud to 
provide a forum for people to discuss 
the important issues that have arisen 
out of this incident. Today, Bette's 
Diner celebrates the expansive free- 
dom we all share to explore and illu- 
minate the issues of free 
speech and individual 


organize a read-in at 
Bette's." 


° 

The fax machine 
started to spit out dis- 
patches. Redican sent 
us the original Herb 
Caen column: "Frevvin- 
sakes, censorship in 
Berkeley? East Вау 
journalist Mike Hughes 
was breakfasting yester- 
day at Bette's Ocean 
View Diner there and 
reading the new Playboy 
when the manager and 
a waitress confronted 
him to say that other 
customers were highly 
offended. Either put 
that away or leave. Mike 
departed, leaving a tip 
in the form of a note 
saying "Read the First 
Amendment.’ . . . PS., 
Mike was reading a Nat 
Hentoff piece on free- 
dom of the press.” 

A few days later, the 
fax spit out another re- 
port. Martin Snapp of the Oakland 
Tribune tried to correct Caen: "I'm 
sure you've heard by now about the 
guy who got kicked out of Bette’s 
Ocean View Diner in Berkeley be- 
cause he was reading Playboy. Only 
one hitch. It never happened. I 
heard the tale myself last week, but I 
didn't print it because I couldn't 
confirm it. That impediment, howev- 
er, didn't stop a columnist across the 
Bay from taking the story and run- 
ning with it. So Bette's employees de- 
cided to fight fire with fire. They ve 
turned to another columnist—name- 
ly me—to set the record straight. 'A 


[re 


BAY AREA 


AND CALIFORNIA 


вете Oceanview 


| Clash at Playboy 'Read-In' 


1 Free speech, pornography debated at Berkeley restaurant 


wih а Retchupcoverd botdog was ofteasive ара asked bim to 
Bold I more dlserseuy 


As be read sutement. 


tronize the place.” Sure, we thought 
Blame it on the media. 

Another fax, a column by Jon Car- 
roll: "At the very least, I would sug- 
gest a sign be posted at Bette's saying. 
WARNING: YOUR READING MATERIAL IS 
SUBJECT TO REVIEW AND APPROPRIATE 
PUNISHMENT BY YOUR WAITER." 

The owner of Bette's huddled with 
Redican and OK'd the read-in, even 
offering to cook pancakes for the par- 
ticipants, Bette even prepared a state- 

еце? Diner does not have 
a policy regarding the appropriate- 
ness of anyone's reading material. 
Nor do we have a company position 


DJ 


Set eie ым, Mn Era (center) and Fronk Landi leaked through copies of Paybey 
magazine during Diner In Berkeley 


expression.” 

Bette seemed to have 
a savvy perspective. She 
told one reporter, "I 
had imagined that our 
fifteen minutes of fame 
would be for something 
better than this—like 
our food." 

Barbara, the waitper- 
son involved, prepared 
her own version of the 
event: "On a Wednes- 
day morning, I glanced 
at the back of my sec- 
tion where a new cus- 
tomer had been seated. 
It was a man, and he 
was reading a Playboy he 
had propped up on his 
table in a fashion where 
everyone in the restau- 
rant had to see it. | 
was so appalled and 
shocked that I felt as if 1 
had been struck. I im- 
mediately went to his 
table and told him that I 
found the magazine of- 
fensive and asked if he 
could please hold it in a more discreet 
fashion so not everyone vas forced to 
look at it. I told him if he found that 
idea unappealing, he could move to 
another section of the restaurant 
where he could hold it in any style he 
chose. At that point, he irately de- 
manded to see my manager who 
started by backing up my choice. But 
when Mike Hughes, the worm in 
question, refused to stop screaming, 
my manager finally apologized and 
allowed that abomi n to continue. 
cating and reading in my section. 
The next day, the first of a series 
of malicious and inaccurate articles 


mmy. 


|||} 
EXIT || 


> ASS ES ID 


appeared, which still, to this day, have 
not stopped. I thought that I was 
entitled to a pornography-free work 
environment. I had heard there were 
laws to protect me from sexual har- 
assment in the workplace. Yet, still, I 
work in an environment where any 
person who can afford to buy a 
pornographic magazine is allowed to 
wave it in my face.” 

The read-in was scheduled for 
Sunday, September 22. We came to 
work on Monday and stared at the 
fax machine. It whirred to life: A clip 
from the Associated Press showed 
three Playboy readers in front of 
Bette's. The accompanying story said 
that about 100 people had shown up. 
divided between pro-reading protest- 
ers and PC. fascists. The story made 
the event seem like a cross between 
guerrilla theater and Family Feud. 

"Then we heard from the survivors. 
Redican said he was somewhat sur- 
prised by the hideous energy of the 
opposition. “1 handed out some mag- 
azines. The counterdemonstrators 
shredded every Playboy they could get 
their hands on. At the end of the 
demonstration, I was standing in four 
inches of shredded paper, curb to 
curb. I couldn't ask for a clearer 
demonstration of intolerance. They 
got out the message that it's their 
right to destroy literature. That it was 
their right to drown me out when 1 
tried to talk. | witnessed the death of 
a free society.” 

And then we saw the video tape. 
We'd asked Ken Kelley, a Bay-area 
writer, to cover the event. Hed 

brought along his new 


"4 toy, a Sony cam- 


4 


ISN 


corder, and a friend to operate it. The 
result won't play on America's Funniest 
Home Videos. 

What you see first are placards. A 
pink sign proclaiming PORNOGRAPHY IS 
A SEXUAL ASSAULT ON ALL WOMEN. А 
white banner: WHAT ABOUT HER FREE 
SPEECH? WHAT ABOUT HER RIGHT TO 
WORK WITHOUT SEXUAL HARASSMENT? 

Another sign, this one attached to а 
woman dressed as a large penis, with 
dark glasses and a beard: THE FIRST 
AMENDMENT GUARANTEES MY RIGHT TO 
SPEAK FREELY OF MY HATRED TOWARD 
women. The flip side of her sign pro- 
claims WHO CARES ABOUT WOMEN'S 
RIGHTS? THEY'RE ALL TITS AND ASS TO ME 

A woman with a hat made of folded 
newspapers and the legend DICKHEAD 
holds a mock magazine called Jerk- 
Boy. According to her, its contents in- 
cluded contempt for women and First 
Amendment propaganda. 

A close-cropped blonde, wearing 
Groucho-style glasses with a penis 
where the nose should be, is reading 
Playboy in front of a sign that says 
DICKHEAD CONTEST HERE TODAY. A man 
walks past with his infant daughter 
strapped to his back. On her tiny 
T-shirt, he has lipsticked the message 
BABY WOMAN AGAINST PORNOGRAPHY. 

One woman asks people in the 
crowd if anyone wants to suck the gi- 


gantic, fleshy, veined dildo strapped 
to her waist. She swaggers down the 
sidewalk, shocking two young girls 
brought to the demonstration. by 
their mother—who, it seems, is also 
dressed as a dickhead. 

The video tape occasionally shows 
the choreographer of the feminist 
forces—an Andrea Dworkin clone in 
bib overalls waving a bullhorn. The 
sound track to the video, not always 
attached to the image, has a woman's 
voice shouting, “Suck. Suck. Suck.” 
Or, “Dickhead, your magazine is 
ready" The censorship stormtroop- 
ers launch into a mindless chant: 
"Sperm brain. Sperm brain. You see 
them on buses. You see them on 
trains. Sperm brain." The bullhorn 
drowns out statements by pro-First 
Amendment speakers. Two surfer 
dudes try to outbellow the bullhorn 
with a counterchant: “Electronic fas- 
cism. Electronic fascism.” 

A three-chinned woman in a black 
sarong stenciled 1 АМ YOUR WORST 
NIGHTMARE torpedoes Hughes—the 
Playboy reader whose run-in with the 
waitress ignited this flap. He has been 
on the sidelines. “This whole thing is 
a reaction to something that didn't 
happen,” he says, telling reporters 
that the martyred waitress never saw 
a photo in Playboy. The magazine 
he'd been reading was flat, open to an 
article on the death of the Bill of 
Rights. This is not about harassment 
or sexual violence. 

The tape shows a group of women 
talking about pornography. A calm 
blonde holds a copy of Yellow Silk. 
“These women think that magazines 
cause violence. They don't want to be 
subjected to S/M. But, for some, S/M 
is a fantasy that you can act out in a 
safe arena. A magazine is a safe arena. 
It is not dangerous. You can work 
from that fantasy.” 

Another woman counters, 
pornography is the 


“But 


graphic depiction of whores. Most 
women know when their husband 
has pornography under the bed. It's: 
“Do this. Do that." 

Redican explains his anger to a cir- 
cle of tape recorders and video cam- 
eras: "I was shocked, deeply shocked, 
that someone could make a judgment 
about someone else's reading materi- 
al. And then ask them not to read it. 
The line is crossed when they ask 
someone clse not to read. Playboy 
seems to be a catalyst. I think people 
would understand if it were a Jewish 
paper or a Presbyterian paper." 

Redican mounts the stairs of the 
house next to Bcttc's to read a state- 
ment. He begins his statement, 
there's a shriek; the shock troops are 
screaming, "Show us your penis. We 
want to see your fucking dick. You 
fucking hypocrite. Take off your 
clothes. Show us your little hard-on. 
We want to measure your dick." 

lican's statement emerges from 
Мо one appoints other cus- 


tomers or waiters or waitresses or 
myself as a judge and jury of our 
reading. I am happy to say that this 
started out to be a cordial event. Ob- 
viously, the forces cf intolerance are 
much louder than that. . . . The anti- 
dote to intolerance is patience. What 
is obscene to one person is beautiful 
to another. If that is so, then leave 
each other in peace. To those who 
argue that the mere reading of the 
magazine is sexual harassment, I sug- 
gest they are proposing a far more 
severe standard of conduct than is 
upheld by the American pcople." He 
is interrupted by firecrackers and it's 
impossible, given the hostility in the 
air, not to think of gunfire, though 


Redican calmly holds up a copy of 


Playboy. “It didn't work in Moscow, 
it didn’t work in Johannesburg and 
it will not work in the streets 
of Berkeley." 


е 
On the video tape, people wonder 
aloud at the motives of the totalitar- 


ian feminist cadre. Bobby Lilly, 
founder of Cal-Act, tries to bridge the 
differences: "It's a reaction to reality, 
to pain and trauma around their sex- 
uality. We have to get beyond that.” 

Abiker muses, “It's as though these 
women walk around afraid of vam- 
pires, having seen a vampire movie. 
Magazines don't cause this behavior. 
People act the way they do because of 
what happened in their childhood. 
What your mommy did. What your 
daddy did." 

Redican dismisses being called a 
dickhead. "They needed to do that. I 
think everyone brings every moment 
of his or her life forward. They are 
acting out something that started the 
first second of their lives." 

The image that stays with ús is not 
the pogo dance of penises, not the 
placards. It is the shredded maga- 
zines, littered curb to curb. All that 
was missing was the match. 

—JAMES R. PETERSEN 


B Women infected by men 


E Men infected by women 


Estimated % infected after one act of 
unprotected intercourse with an infected person 


A 
Chlamydia 


Gonorrhea 


[Source: Health & Sexuality 2(2):3. 1991 


Genital 
Warts 


Genital 


Hepatitis 
Herpes B 


Syphilis Chancroid 


39 


40 


Imagine waking up to find that 
Mohawk haircuts had been carved 
on the figures of Mount Rushmore. 
Imagine that the world's best sex 
manual had been revised. Actually, the Presidents’ coiffures 
are safe, it's The Joy of Sex that’s changed. Gone are the 
explicit Indian paintings. Gone are the pencil sketches of 
the distinctly hirsute (beard and armpit hair) hippie lovers 
of the Seventies. Gone is the wedding ring from the hand 
of the woman whose acrobatic candor signaled a decade 
of adventure. The New Joy of Sex: A Gourmet Guide to Love- 
making for the Nineties, by Dr. Alex Comfort, has replaced 
Oriental paintings (known for their graphic focus on pene- 
tration and penises) with tasteful black-and-white pho- 
tographs of kissing and cuddling (no penetration). Sex has 
become an Obsession ad. In the bondage illustration, a 
brass bed has replaced the carved wooden headboard 


OLD Analintercourse: listed under “Saucesand Pickles.” “Some- 
thing nearly every couple tries once. A few stay with it, usually 
because the woman finds that it gives her intenser feelings than 
the normal route and it is pleasantly tight for the man.” 


ММ Anal intercourse: listed under “Health and Other Issues.” 
"In the light of present knowledge, this is best avoided alto- 


DIN [ 
L— ULD UT A 


it was twenty years ago today, doctor comfort taught the world to ploy 


of the Seventies edition. Gone, too, 
is the alphabetized guide to cordon 
bleu fun and games. (“Tonight's 
lesson in love has been brought to 
you by the letter C.”) Sadly, the editors have fixed what 
wasn't broken and, with Ше thyme or reason, juggled 
entries and entrees. Another oddity is the larger type 
face: “Mouth Music,” originally a four-page ode to oral 
sex, now spans six pages. This either aids the visually 
impaired and aging baby boomer, or simply makes the 
section feel longer. The discussion of venereal diseases has 
grown from four paragraphs to four pages and includes 
a new section devoted to AIDS. As The New Joy of Sex hit 
bookstores in America, countries in eastern Europe were 
publishing the original. Maybe it's the hairy armpits. Or 
maybe, when you finally experience freedom, you want the 
raw, uncut version. — LINDA STROM 


gether. It is something many couples try once, and a few stay 
with it, either because the woman finds it gives her intenser 
feelings than the normal route, or because it is pleasantly tight 
for the man. But it is the preferred method of catching, or 
transmiting, the virus of AIDS, as well as hepatitis, cy- 
tomegalovirus and intestinal infections, and it can also cause 
mechanical damage." 


010 Prostitution: listed under 
"Problems." "If your man goes 
to a prosütute, it's either be- 
cause he was away from you, or 
because he has sex needs you 
didn't know about, or because 
of the shared-woman no-re- 
sponsibility bit (which in the 
most loving males can still be 
very strong), or simply because 
of impulse which he doesn't un- 
derstand. Even if you are hurt 
about it, try to find out the rea- 
son, because knowing it could 
help a lot." 


MW Prostitution: listed under 
“Health and Other Issues.” 
“Prostitutes—especially outside 
Europe—are a major hazard in 
transmission of AIDS: partly be- 
cause the illegality of prostitu- 
tion makes it an available 
income source for addicts who 
inject drugs. Amateurs, B-girls 
and pickups on overseas visits 
are particularly dangerous— 
European pros insist the trick 
wear a condom. Don't take risks 
in this area.” 


No 
mention 


of 
AIDS. 


| VID Bondage: listed under 
“Sauces and Pickles.” “The ex- 
pression of erotic astonishment 
on the face of a well-gagged 
woman when she finds she can 
only mew is irresistible to most 
men's rape instincts.” 


NEW Bondage: listed under 
“Sauces.” “The expression of 
erotic astonishment on the face 
of a well-gagged woman when 
she finds she can only mew is ir- 
resistible to most men.” 


DID Women: “It matters to 
them who is doing what, far 
more than it does to most men." 


NEW Women: "Nobody can be a 
good lover if he doesn't regard 
women as (a) people and (b) 
equals.” 


MW. “what does AIDS mean to the sexu- 
ally active adult, and how does it modify 
the advice we give? The simplest way of 
looking at it is that there are now two pop- 
ulations—those who do not carry the virus 
and those, luckily still a minority, but a 
rapidly increasing one, who do. Between 
any two people who are virus-free, all sex- 
val activities are as safe as they ever were 

"This applies to the vast majority of mar- 
ried couples. If either partner is a carrier, 
then virtually no sexual activity, other 
than mutual masturbation, is safe. ‘Safe 
sex’ ideally involves staying clear of any 
potential carrier—this means not only bi- 
sexual males and intravenous drug users 
but also those who may have been the 
partners of a high-risk subject during the 
last ten years, and their partners—which is 
difficult: hence the need for precautions, 
notably the condom. That said, there is no 
occasion for panic or for losing out on the 
јоу of sex—simply for informed caution. A 
crimp on the candy-store exploitation of 
sexual freedom may give us time and mo- 
tive to redevelop its affectionate side.” 


| 


41 


THE MOUTHS OF BABES 
Bill Andriette's article "Are 
You a Child Pornographer?" 
(The Playboy Forum, September) 
prompts a few thoughts about 
the present state of legislation 
in this area. However repug- 
nant one may consider actual 
child pornography, gutting the 
First Amendment is not an ac- 
ceptable means of dealing with 
it. Prosecutors have argued, 
straight-faced, that a consent- 
ing, obviously enthusiastic and 
well-paid Traci Lords was really 
a child being molested. Men 
have lost their liberty and their 
fortunes to judges who have 
accepted this dangerous non- 
sense, Some provisions of the 
1990 Comprehensive Crime 
Act cited by Andriette are abso- 
lutely without precedent. Nev- 
er before in American history 
has the simple possession of 
lawfully obtained images been a 
federal crime. The basic swin- 
dle is equating possession of a 
depiction of an act with the 
commission of the act. Most 
bizarre is the fact that these 
Congressional guardians have 
never legislated a nationwide 
age of consent for sexual activi- 
ty. There are many states in 
which 17-year-olds can have 
consensual sex legally—the in- 
dividuals just become federal 
criminals if they bring a cam- 
era. The aim of exten 
law to “lascivious exhil 
censorship by intimidation. If 
you're worried that one picture 
оп one page might be deemed 
lascivious, then that David 
Hamilton book is certainly 
coming off the coffee table be- 
fore somebody with a badge and a gun 
moves it for you. Past generations 
feared polio because it could confine 
them to an iron lung. This generation 
has to fear that forbidden ideas could 
leave them confined in the govern- 
ment's iron cage. 
Chuck Hammill 
Los Angeles, California 


Bill Andriette's piece on nude pho- 
tography reminded me of a Playboy Fo- 
rum article supporting photographer 
Jock Sturges against federal charges 
that his portraits of nude children were 


it's not about sex. 


FOR THE RECORD 


“The trick in dealing with celibacy is to un- 
derstand that there is no true substitute for the 
intimacy of marriage. . . . I'm over 60. For me, 
. It's when I have a great 
idea that I'd like to share with someone, when 
I've heard a new piece of music and want some- 
one to listen with те... . If we arc alive, we are 
continually falling in love.” 
— ARCHBISHOP REMBERT GEORGE WEAKLAND 


child pornography. The FBI initially 
seized thousands of Sturges' negatives, 
claiming to an outraged public, "You 
haven't seen what we've got.” Well, a 
grand jury did and it refused to indict 
him. The jury's decision last Septem- 
ber was unusual given that they only 
review prosecution evidence and gen- 
erally return indictments at the gov- 
ernment's request. The jury's refusal 
indicates the prosecutors’ wrong-head- 
ed zeal and vindicates Sturges for the 
mauling of his work and reputation. 
Victor Williamson 

San Francisco, California 


SCRAMBLED SIGNALS 
What in the hell does "squiz- 
де zib nurph" mean? I just 
finished watching the Half 
Hour Comedy Hour on MIV 
where a comedian was doing a 
routine about how the Nineties 
generation has been cheated 
sexually by the older genera- 
tion and about how the older 
generation owed the Nineties 
generation a “squizzle zib 
nurph." That, however, is prob- 
ably not what he said. I don't 
know what he said, thanks to 
MTV's clever censorship. Not 
only are the spineless wimps at 
MTV so afraid of right-wing 
windbags like the Reverend 
Donald Wildmon that they dis- 
rupt their own programing, but 
they are afraid to admit this 
fear to their viewers. By dis- 
guising the offending comedic 
remark with the electronically 
rearranged tones of the come- 
dian's own voice, they insult 
the intelligence of the viewers 
whom they think they are fool- 
ing and further the goals of 
those who gleefully chip away 
at First Amendment rights. I do 
want my MTV, but not a right- 
wing version thereof. And you 
can bet your squizzle zib nurph 
on that. 
Joseph P. Cunningham 
Cambridge, Minnesota 


CHOICES 
Terry White's "Whose Mon- 
ey Is It?” (The Playboy Forum, 
October) gave me the impres- 
sion that some politicians and 
pro-life activists argue that we, 
the taxpayers, do not want our 
hard-earned money paying for 
abortions, or even a knowledgeable 
and educated discussion by doctors in 
governmentally funded family-plan- 
ning clinics. As I see it, we, the taxpay- 
ers, can either pay for sound advice 
and sometimes practical measures for 
an unwelcome pregnancy or pay for 
the health costs of the child until he or 
she reaches adulthood. We, the majori- 
ty, need to assert our rights over the 
screaming minority of anti-abortion- 
ists. We, the rational, have the right not 
to pay for politicians’ irrationality. 
Jennifer Van Quill 
Charleston, South Carolina 


R E S 


P O 


М $ 


Why don't we face up to the one ma- 
jer problem in the world from which 
all other problems and environmen- 
tal concerns emanate: overpopulation? 
"Think of the good that would come 
from world concentration on this key 
issue. China alone, through its regulat- 
ed birth laws, leads the world in doing 
something positive by stemming popu- 
lation growth in the most fair and just 
method devised to date. 

Bill Naigles 
Patong Phuket, Thailand 

China alone leads the world in the kind 
of regulation that forces pregnant women 
underground to avoid detection when fami- 
ly growth exceeds the allotied single child. 
Disruption of the family unit, public humil- 
iation and punishment and an entire sub- 
culture of illegal offspring are mo more 
solutions to the population problem than 
are American attempts to regulate the bear- 
ing of unwanted children. 


THE РС. PUZZLE 
In his article “Politically Correct 
Speech" (The Playboy Farum, October), 
Matthew Childs paints a зай picture 
of what is happening in America. The 
militants who espouse politically cor- 
rect speech spout the samie garbage 
that was spawned by Hitler and Stalin 
in their day. Our constitutional right to 
free speech is being assaulted by Amer- 
ica's government every day and now 
a new group of Nazis is trying to foist 
its ideals on an unwilling but silent 
populace. If the administrators of our 
nation’s colleges become so cowed by 
these militant Gestapo types, all reason 
for their being will cease. Because of 
Donald Wildmon, Jerry Falwell and 
this new breed of Nazi thought police, 
America is on a dangerous path to 
losing all freedoms—the position of 
communist countries in a not too dis- 
tant past. 
Bruce Taylor 
Gresham, Oregon 


Accompanying your piece on politi- 
cally correct speech is a picture of a 
Penn State poster containing derogato- 
ry terms used to refer to a wide variety 
of groups. Your inclusion of our poster 
in this section demonstrates a clear lack 
of understanding of the РС. concept. 
Your treatment of the issue follows the 
emerging pattern of media distortion. 
The media have focused special atten- 
tion on efforts at some institutions to 
use official policy as a vehicle to control 


types of expression that are incompati- 
ble with a wholesome learning environ- 
ment rather than inviting a meaningful 
discussion of the underlying issues. 
The intent of the Penn State poster is 
dear from its lead statement: "There's 
anasty name for everyone." It is hoped 
that as a result of recognition that any- 
one can be victimized by language, stu- 
dents will choose to display more 
respect for others. There is, however, 
no attempt to control expression. Penn 
State has no such policy. 

James B. Stewart 

Vice Provost. 

Pennsylvania State University 

University Park, Pennsylvania 


YOU SHOW ME YOURS AND. 

"Three cheers for Rena Hecht's letter 
"Equal Time" (*Reader Response," The 
Playboy Forum, September). We can 
speak for many female friends and ac- 
quaintances on the subject of exclusive 


“People on 
death row are our 
throwaways.” 


female nudity in mainstream movies. 
We're tired of it, We don't have any- 
thing against showing tasteful nudity of 
women in the movies, but we do have a 
problem with the fact that we are not 
shown naked men in movies in return. 
After all, when two people have sex, 
aren't they both naked? If film makers 
show full-frontal female nudity, then 
they should show full-frontal male 
nudity—it's only fair, right? Don't give 
us the argument that showing a naked 
man is somehow more perverse be- 
cause men have penises and women 
don't. Women have breasts and men 
don't. Naked is naked, whether penis 
or breast. Men and women look differ- 
ent but neither is more perverse or 
beautiful than the other. 

Joani Haboush 

Rita Duenas 

Beverly Shaw 

Lisa Van Pietersom 

Valencia, California 


DEATH WATCH 


In the October Forum, James R. Pe- 
tersen wrote about how the networks 
would turn 2437 inmates on death row 
into overnight celebrities (“If Death 
Were Televised”). The issue is not that 
men, women and children (yes, chil- 
dren have been sentenced to death 
row) will become celebrities, the issue 
is that televising these executions will 
make society even more bloodthirsty. I 
have worked against the death penalty 
for almost seven years, and I have seen 
the vigils that take place at prisons in 
anticipation of an execution. The num- 
ber of death-penalty supporters dwin- 
dles, more than likely because there 
is nothing to see. With televised execu- 
tions, they would become more vocal, 
desire more executions, hunger to 
watch more of the scum die. People on 
death row are not the monsters they 
are made out to be, but people who, 
from their births, were our throw- 
aways. If more time were taken to help 
the kids of today, we would not need 
televised executions tomorrow. 

J. R. Deans 

Virginia Coalition on Jails 
and Prisons 

Richmond, Virginia 


NATURAL LAW 
Clarence Thomas’ praise for the im- 
plicit use of natural law in judicial deci- 
sions gives legal standing to Catholic 
theological complaints about unnatural 
sex. Using the pretext of natural law, 
the Catholic hierarchy opposes birth 
control, sex-hygiene items such as con- 
doms, sex education in schools, abor- 
tion, masturbation and homosexuality. 
The Church's real motive is to make 
people suffer for having sex, yet the 
celibacy practiced by the Catholic hier- 
archy is just as unnatural as birth con- 
iol Today we support the idea of 
inherent human rights, but these are 
quite different from natural law. Since 
Judaeo-Christianity’s basic cosmologi- 
cal model is essentially monarchial, 
only bestowed rights—which are revo- 
cable—can be found in the Bible, and 
many of these are based on ethnic 
group or gender. So let's not return 
to the Dark Ages under the rubric of 
natural law, 
Jim Senyszyn 
Naugatuck, Connecticut 


43 


44 


N E W 


S Е К 


O N T 


what's happening in the sexual and social arenas 


AIN'T GOT THAT SWING — 


MOUNT VERNON, 1OWA— Extremists 


define date rape as amy form of unwanted 
sex. Now a Journal of Sex Research 
study found that men as well as women 


have engaged in sex without desire: Of 
those surveyed, 82 percent of the women 
and 60 percent of the men had had sex 
when they didn't want to. When polled on 
how frequently desire did occur, there was a 
difference: Half the men over 38 said they 
experienced sexual desire “several times 
per day,” while that frequency of arousal 
was found in only two to five percent of 
women—all of whom were under 38. 


FAILED SAFE. 


ARLINGTON. VIRGINIA—The AIDS ac- 
tivist group ACT UP erected a 15-foot-tall 
condom on the roof of Senator Jesse 
Helms's house in Arlington. ACT UP 
considers Helms to be “deadlier than a 
virus" for opposing sex education, con- 
dom-distribution programs, funding for 
AIDS research and laws banning discrim- 
ination against AIDS patients. The protest 
rubber blew in the wind for 20 minutes be- 
fore being removed by police. 


BOOB TUBE 


WASHINGION, D.C—Some say there's 
too much sex on TY, others too little. Nudi- 
ty, however, is becoming more acceptable. 
Washington Post television critic Tom 


Shales says that “breasts now seem about 
80 percent revealable. The nipple is the 
new frontier.” 


ANOTHER FRONTIER ~ 


BRATTLEBORO, VERMONT—Gelling nu- 
dity back on the street where it belongs, 
about 20 topless women and a few shirtless 
men staged what they called the First Brat- 
tleboro Breast Fest during the local Village 
Days celebration. They were protesting 
broadcast standards that consider bare 
breasts obscene but accept violence on tele- 
vision. Maybe Shales's column wasn’t 
available in Brattleboro. 


< ВАТАМО SWIC 


WASHINGTON. DE—As many as 2000 
bogus abortion clinics may be operating in 
thas country. In a time-tested —and decep- 
tive—marketing ploy, these clinics adver- 
tise abortions and then try to persuade 
their patients not to have one. A House 
subcommittee unearthed a start-up manu- 
al from one organization that instructs 
would-be operators to look like, locate near 
and choose a name similar to that of an 
established abortion clinic—and to list in 
the Yellow Pages with clinics that do pro- 
vide abortion services. 


- NORTHERN EXPOSURE 


OTTAWA, ONTARIO—The manager of 
the Central Canada Exhibition ordered 
posters of scantily clad women removed 
from the fair's midway but approved dis- 
plays featuring pictures of aborted fetuses. 
He said the sexy pictures were unsuitable 
fora family event. 


= WELI-DESERVED BUST 


SAN FRANCISCO— Tivo men were arrest- 
ed for displaying pictures of aborted fetus- 
es al a street fair. The two had display 
full-color placards of aborted fetuses at the 
Solano Stroll. The two were arrested but 
never charged under a statute that makes 
it a misdemeanor to display material 
“harmful” to children. 


HMMS 


NEW YORK CITY—A U.S. district court 
has enjoined a gay-protection organization 
from calling itself the Pink Panther Patrol. 


Ruling in a $300,000 trademark-in- 
fringement lawsuit filed by MGM-Pathe 
Communications, Judge Pierre N. Leval 
agreed thai use of the name by the gay 
group would confuse the public: The Pink 
Panther image might change from "light- 
hearted, nonpolitical, asexual, amicable, 
comic entertainment” to “political ac- 
tivism, violence, defiance, homosexuality 
and angry confrontation.” 


SME 


KITCHENER, ONTARIO—A 23-year-old 
pizza-parlor manager was acquitted of 
sexually harassing a female employee when 
a local court decided that he had honestly 
mistaken the young woman's giggles as 
signs of her consent. The judge, a woman, 
called his behavior “inappropriate and 
reprehensible” but said the advances were 
playful and probably would have stopped if 
the recipient had managed to sound serious. 


JAILHDUSEROCK —— 
HUTCHINSON, KANSAS—Not only is Big 


Brother watching, he's video-taping. After 
complaints from prisoners’ wives that their 


children were being exposed to sexual 
activity during visitmg hours, 11 prison- 
ers and their wives were secretly taped hau- 
ing sex in the prison visiting yard. The 
amateur porn stars subsequently lost visi- 
tation rights for six months. 


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46 


Reporter's Notebook 


PUTTING SEX IN ITS PLACE 


Sexual harassment, now that's a sub- 
ject I can explore with some personal 
authority. Mind you, Гуе never gone so 
far as the most recently confirmed 
Supreme Court member is alleged to 
have gone, Nor will I pretend, as some 
Senators did, that | was shocked by 
Anita Hills allegations. C’mon, guys, 
you know better, If you're like me, some- 
where around the age of 13 you began 
insisting that any woman of taste would 
benefit from your offer of foreplay. 

Who walk into a room 
without sniffing the scent, real oi 
imagined, of female interest? And who is 
so proper as never to have, particularly 
after a few drinks, crossed that line be- 
tween flirtation and hassling? What were 
those Senators thinking when they 
sisted that only a pervert would engage 
in such behavior? I have made a living 
spending time with guys like them and 
can attest that no bar in Manhattan is 
more charged with sexual innuendo 
than а typical afternoon reception on 
pitol Hill. And most of those Senators 
know damn well that they couldn't turn 


a woman's head if power relations were 
equal 


about 


Mind you, we are not talking 
ce, verbolen in respectable c 
ther about si ions of social 
inequality in which the woman can be se- 
duced into losing her bearings. Taking 
advantage is not only easy, it's a drive 
that's on automatic pilot. That is the ug- 
ly truth of our culture, which is why I be: 
ved every word from Anita Hill 
Power is the ultimate aphrodisiac, as 
Henry Kissinger smugly proclaimed at a 
time when he was ostentatiously squiring 
more than one ex-debutante around 
town. And you don't have to be the Sec- 
retary of State to experience its tempta- 
tions. Power can seduce the guest 
lecturer at a junior college, a position I 
have taken undue advantage of, or the 
section boss in a factory, Any male who 
claims to have never exploited it for low 
sexual purpose is probably lying or ranks 
at the bottom of the testosterone scale. 
Still, we knew what we did was wrong; 
sex is an awfully tedious game unless it's 
played out between consenting adults, 
and the morning after one of those ex- 
ploitative romps that treated. another 
human 1 object, most of us wi 
good guys, conscious-stricken and apol- 


opinion By ROBERT SCHEER 


ogetic as hell. Men kid themselves about 
their innocence. It's just too easy for us 
to behave terribly toward women and 
believe that we've done nothing wrong 
That's why I believed Clarence Thomas, 

Most of today’s top executives grew up 
on movie images of the secretary sitting 
on the boss's lap when she wasn't busy 
getting coffee and saying dumb things. 
When the situation changed and women 
started moving in and ир, no one both- 
ered to change the rules. Which is why 
we have belatedly but decisively moved. 
to make sexual harassment illegal 
Thanks to the new Civil Rights Act, be- 
havior that was once culturally con- 
doned will be à crime. Big-dollar court 
damage awards can be expected for vio- 
lating a list of no-nos, which is long over- 
due. I know this makes a lot of us 
nervous, but we'll get the hang of it and 
1 that subtlety can be extremely 
titillating 

Don't get а 


gitated. This does not rep- 
resent some irrational victory for the 
women's movement at the expense of 
men, nor does it signal the resurge Р 
puritanism. As was the case when 
were finally written to deal with disc 
ination against blacks, this is just a re 
dress of past grievances. If women had 
not been discriminated against through- 
out our nation’s history, we wouldn't 
even be considering the subject of sexu- 
al harassment 

None of this means that either blac 
or women asa group have made it or are 
even close. If they had attained a serious 
measure of power, then civil rights legis- 
lation would be redundant. Antiharass- 
ment measures and other provisions of 
the Civil Rights Act do nothing more 
than nudge the playing field a little clos- 
er to level 

Anybody who works fora living knows 
damn well that the white old-boy net 
still don i De- 
about 
we've he; 


we 
spite 
reverse discrimination th 
for more than ten years, we have w 
nessed more backsliding than adv 
ment in civil rights during the past 
decade. Just consider the woeful eco- 
nomic and social plight of the vast ma- 
jority of those who happen to be born 
both black and female. Only a deranged 
former Ku Kluxer like David Duke could 


sorry, fellas, it’s not at work. weep if you like, but behave 


gue that white males are losing their 
p on power 

But many people are confused by the 
changes in the offing, and it is inevitable 
that the toughened civil rights law. p: 
ticularly in the area of sexual harass- 
aspire disparaging humor 
jous tension. A certain arbi- 
trariness is inevitable as we change from 
the dumb workplace situation жопе 
used to find themselves in to something 
a bit more reasonable. The same people 
who thought it was a matter of natural 
law that a woman employee should serve 
coffee or sex now complain of intimida- 
tion by the politically correct when told 
that they should mind their manne: 
Well, like it or not, women have at last 
gained sufficient power to be able to in- 
sist on civility. 

The problem with enforceme 
the law on sexual issment is not, nor. 
can it be. precise about these new taboo: 
when is humor in bad taste or flirtation 
oppressive? Here's the answer: For the 
time being, don't do anything to anyone 
you supervise that you wouldn't do to 
mother. We men scem to have a 
ult time differentiating between ad- 
ive. suggestive 
is wise, until 
ep erotica 


is that 


that rea 
we learn to behave better, to 
out of the workplace. It's a loss, since the 
workplace was also a convenient arena 
for flirtation and courtship, far better 
than singles ba 
it has to be sterile for a while. We c 
with that 

Let's re 


s and dating services, but 
n live 


nember that people enga 
sexual harassment for only one reas 
They think they can get away w 
When they know they can't, the pr 
will c 
bing, be reduced to a manageable prob- 
lem. Which is why we need laws and why 
we should all be gratefial for the new civ- 
il rights law 

Eventually, things can 
the way they were, but to 
and risk-free environment. In the inter- 
im, this self-appointed Playboy Advisor 
says shape up or be prepared to be 
shipped out. I've done it, and, as a legion 
of put-upon women can attest, if I can 
e the transition. anyone else can. 


El 


tice 


ise or at least, as with bank rob- 


Viewpoint 


MIXED COMPANY 


after the Anita and 
Clarence show, The New York Times inter 
viewed Michelle Paludi, a psychologist at 
Hunter College who coordinates ca 
pus committce on sexual harassment 
Here is what the le had to say on the 
gulf between men and women in the 
definitions of sexual harassment: “Men 
and women in college were presented 
with hypothetical scenarios and asked to 
say when sexual harassment occurred. 
“In one scenario, a woman gets a job 
teaching at a university and her depart- 
ment chairman, a man, invites her to 
lunch to discuss her research. At lunch 
he never mentions her research, but in- 
stead delves into her personal life. After 
few such lunches, he invites her to di 
ner and then for drinks. While they are 
aving drinks, he tries to fondle her. 
fost of the women said that sexual 
harassment started at the first lunch, 
when he talked about her private life in- 
ad of her work,’ said Paludi. ‘Most of 
nen said that sexual harassment be- 
an at the point he fondled her. 
There is a gulf here. but not between 


A few weeks 


men and women: lt is between the bold 
and the brainwashed. The rush to judg- 


ment suspect as it is incendiary. 
Legally, sexual harassment has not oc- 
curred. There is no quid pro quo (she al- 
ready has her job) and no hostile sexual 
environment (nothing im the scenario in- 
dicates that the attention is unwanted). 
What you have here is the standard 
American mating ritual. Lunches lead to 
dinner. Dinner lcads to drinks. At some 
point, the participants move from 
talking to touching (or in this case, at- 
tempted touching). The man expresses 
interest. In the absence of a clearly ex- 
pressed lack of interest. he proceeds. In 
the absence of a clearly stated rejection, 
what happens is not harassment. It is 
quite simply, none of our business. 

But this scenario treats women as po- 
tential victims, men as perpetual preda- 
tors. The story is free of meaningful 
detail. The woman is devoid of lile or— 
more importantly in this сазе as well as 
in the case of Anita Hill—a will of her 
own 

Was the quest for ре 
tion an inquisition ty exchange of 
anecdote and emotional disclosure? Did 
the two discover that they were both 


sonal informa- 


some women just don’t get it 


opinion By JAMES R. PETERSEN 


farm-born, bootstrap-raised Yale gradu- 
ates who had sold their souls to the Re- 
publican Party before retreating into 
academia? How did the woman dress— 
in a low-cut cocktail gown, a Liz Clai- 


borne froufrou blouse with a chastity 
brooch or coveralls and a ТАКЕ BACK THE 
nicht T-shirt? Take away dress, conver- 


sation and body Language and you dehu- 
manize the scenario. We are presented 
not with clear signals or even mixed sig- 
nals, but with no signals. 

Asking for such details, we are told, is 
to commit the sin of blaming the victim, 
5 ssment, we ain told, 
about power. It matters only that the 
man was her boss. Somehow, this turns 
the woman into a child, the act of 
fondling into an act of molestation. The 
woman, we are told, is paralyzed by pow- 
er, by fear of reprisal. 

Sexual interest is abos 
about power. The offi 
shared times, adventures, campaigns, 
lunch conversations, deadlines, Most of 
us are at our best on the job—and if that 
is not sexually attractive. what is? 

We assume that a woman in the adult 
world has learned how to say “I’m not 
interested” in a way that will not humili- 
ate, embarrass or invite the revenge of 
the suitor, whether that man is her boss, 
her blind date or her best friend. 

For years, feminists have claimed that 
the personal is the political. Now we 
have a political stance that prohibits the 
personal, or makes the personal the 
property of Personnel. 

Lloyd R. Cohen, one of the few men to 
write on this topic in The New York Times, 
put the problem in terms of repression: 
“In our open, dynamic and multicultur- 
al society, there is no discreet set of ac- 
cepted ways in which men and women 
make known their availability, to say 
nothing of their attraction to a particular 
person... .. And one can no longer read 
people's sexual standards from their 
dress, occupation, the places they fre- 
quent or their activities. The. prudish 
and the promiscuous are forced to rub 
shoulders but often fail to recognize 
each other's sexual values.” 

As columnist Ellen Goodman points 
the same confusion lies behind the 
late rape: “Date rape, that 
should-be oxymoron, assumes a difler- 


pleasure, not 
a source of 


e 


ou 


concept of d 


ent perspective on the part of the man 
and the woman. His date, her rape. Sex- 
¡ent comes with some of the 
same assumptions. What he labels sexu- 
al she labels harassment.” 

What the hi 

is the possi 
sexual female; of woman as se: 
g. not sexual object 
Substitute sexual interest for. sexual 
hi ment and the hysteria dissipates: 
“Anywhere from 40 to 80 percent of all 
working women will find themselves 
ubjected to [sexual interest] at some 
point in their careers.” Or, “Although 
nearly hall said they had been [the object 
of sexual interest], none had sought le- 
al recourse, and only 22 percent said 
at they had told anyone else about the 
cident.” 
And it underscores the more ridicu- 
lous of the assertions: “[Sexual interest] 
is the single most widespread occupa- 
tional hazard.” Greater than black-lung 
disease? Come on. Sexual harassment 
become so broad a ter trivial- 
ize and obscure the true antisocial acts 
that abuse women: There must be a dif- 
ference between the acts that drive a 
woman to file a report (only three per 
cent of women who have been harassed 
make a formal complaint). Or, in anoth- 
er study: “Only 25 percent of c 
ез of sexual harassment are. botched 
seducuons in which the man is trying to 
get someone into bed. And in less than 
five percent of cases, the H 
volves a bribe or thr for sex—where 
the man is saying, "If you do this for me, 
ГИ help you at work, and if you don't, VIE 
make things difficult for you." 

Some sexual approaches 
inept, others clearly intimidating. One is 
testosterone, the other is tyranny. (One 
study claimed to have identified the cul- 
рти: Fewer than one percent of men a 
habitual harassers.) И you throw out the 
water cooler with the bully, we will all 
die of thirst 

Some feminists argue that. sexual 
should be private, and invoke the same 
theory of privacy the Court used to 
guarantee abortion: Privacy is a sphere 
where one makes the most intimate deci- 
sions. The workplace is somehow differ- 
ent, they say, somehow public, and the 

(concluded on page 137) 


ual be- 


n ast 


re merely 


47 


s. LIZ SMITH 


a candid conversation with the queen of dish about giving good 
gossip, the flap over outing and her dream date with frank sinatra 


Back when discretion was still the better 
part of valor, we wouldn't have dared inquire 
about a woman's age, a тапу salary or 
either's sexual proclroaties. Gary Hart might 
secretly ship ош with Donna Rice, Marla 
Maples might hole up quietly in some cushy 
apartment in Trump Tower. A Presidential 
polyp was the business of no one but the Com- 
mander in Chief and his proctologist. 

Today, everything about everyone is fair 
game. Entire TV shows, books and magazines 
are packed with revelations from trivial to 
sordid. What used to be the turf of the Na- 
tional Enquirer is now mainstream journal- 
ism, As Tom Wolfe once pointed out, People 
magazine changed the rules, "[It] showed you 
other people's living rooms.” Now the gloves 
have come off. Living rooms are fine, but bed- 
rooms are бейет. 

Regardless of how one feels about the trend, 
few would argue that one of the most influen- 
tial practitioners of gossip is the syndicated 
New York Newsday columnist Liz Smith, 
whose musings, wit aud dish appear in over 
70 newspapers around the country almost 
ery day as well as on television reports on Fox 
Broadcasting. 

The Liz Smith column is where America 
learned that the infamous Rob Lowe sex video 


“Ws not fun 
you've wrilten 
Svan Connery told me he would like to stick 
my column up my ass. 1 told him that was Ihe 


best offer Vd had all week.” 


shen people don't like what 
Fue been threatened by experts 


tape was available for $35 at 42nd and 
Broadway. That Annelle Bening was preg- 
nant with Warren Beatty’: baby. That Rose 
Kennedy, when told that Joan and Ted were 
separated and that “Joan was living in Boston 
and Ted was living in Virginia," looked up 
and asked, “So, who's Virginia?” 

Her friend Mike Wallace says, “She has the 
power to get people to pay attention.” Said 
Time: “She [can] make careers and unwrap 
reputations. 

Smith isn't only in the business of telling 
all. She often writes—with fiery opinions— 
about subjects as diverse as inner-cüy vio- 
lence, political scandal and America’s lack of 
leadership. She also touts bocks and movies, 
announces casting decisions and top-level job 
switches in the entertainment and publishing 
industries. She lists the celebs who show up 
at hol restaurants and reveals the comings 
and goings of her famous friends such as Bar 
bara (Walters), Kathleen (Turner), Candy 
(Bergen) and Liz (Taylor). Smith, naturally, 
was the only reporter invited to cover Taylor's 
wedding last October 

She is called the queen of dish, and with 
good reason. Tantalizing stuff oozes from her 
column, such as the hol on-the-sel romance be- 


“Reporters are amazingly hypocritical, They 
have all taken drugs and cocaine and have 
been unfaithful to their spouses. People judge 
one another by standards they would never 
apply to themselves.” 


tween Michelle Pfeiffer and John Malkovich 
(Malkovich's wife found oul about the affair 
in Smith's column); both the marriage and di- 
vorce of Debra Winger and Timothy Hutton; 
and the scoop heard round the world: that one 
of New York's most ostentatious couples, Don- 
ald and Ivana Trump, were in Splitsville. 

If Smith was vell known before the Trump 
story, the daily fixes she supplied catapulted 
her into real fame. She was becoming almost 
as well known as some of those on her star- 
studded list of friends 

Indeed, Smith herself lives a celebrity's life. 
She often dines al 21" or Le Cirque in Man- 
hattan. She appears at Spago in Los Angeles, 
flies to Venice for a party thrown by Giorgio 
Irmani, goes to Morocco for Malcolm Forbes's 
$2,000, 000 birthday bash and sits next to 
Marilyn Quayle at a While House luncheon 
thrown by Barbara Bush. 

She has enemies in high places, too. Frank 
Sinatra, on stage at Carnegie Hall, called her 
“a dumpy, fat, ugly broad.” He claimed Smith 
would prefer Debbie to Burt Reynolds. (The 
audience booed.) New York magazine's John 
Simon called her a “know-nothing low-brow.” 
Spy magazine has made relentless fun of her 
In its regular “Liz Smith Tote Board," the 
magazine tallied the frequency with which 


PHOTOGRAPHY EV RANDY O'ROURKE 
“Poe pretty much stopped writing about Don- 
ald Trump. 1 think he's pathological. The fact 
that he can gel dates isn't news. He can get 
dates like a guy driving through the tunnel to 
New Jersey can get a blow job." 


49 


PLAYDOY 


she mentioned specific celebs in her column 
("Jane Fonda, mentioned once every 8 days; 
Yoko Ono, every 6; Meryl Streep, every 4.8; 
Linda Blair, every 24 days”). 

She had to come a long way to drop names 
like that. Mary Elizabeth Smith was brought 
tip in Depression-era Fort Worth. Her father 
was а colton broker; her mother, Smith has 
wrilten, was a "beautiful. Mississippi belle." 
They were strict Baptists, “very narrow-mind- 
ed,” she says 

After graduating from the University of 
Texas in 1948, Smith bounced from job to job 
in New York, She worked as a proofreader at 
Newsweek, staff wriler for Sports Ilustrat- 
ed, guest booker for one of Mike Wallace's 
carly radio shows and ghostwriter for society 
and gossip columnist [gor Cassini. Smith was 
offered her own column m the New York Dai- 
ly News in 1976. 

She immediately published stariling revela- 
tions—Pat Nixon's heavy drinking, to name 
one—from the upcoming Bob Woodward and 
Cart Bernstein book “The Final Days." The 
Liz Smith column took off instantly. Within 
the next few years, it was syndicated around 
the county. Then, 13 years ago, she began 
her regular gossip-and-commentary spol on 
New York's local WNBC-TV news, Things 
changed last year when her contract with the 
Daily News was up and its late owner, Robert 
Maxwell, declined to enter a bidding war with 
Newsday, which offered to make her possibly 
the highest-paid columnist in the country. She 
also left WNBC for Fox, where she had a reg- 
ular spot on the short-lived “Entertainment 
Daily Journal.” Fox now says she ll be такту 
appearances covering entertainment on its 
news programs. 

Smith has unabashedly announced that she 
has had a face lift and has been married and 
divorced twice (to an Air Force captain and a 
travel agent). She has been less candid about 
her current personal life, though. Outweek, 
а defunct gay magazine, claimed she lives 
with archaeologist Iris Love. The magazine 
also charged that she uses her column to mask 
the truth about prominent homosexuals, help- 
ing them appear straight to the public. 

When Playboy decided to go for the deep 
dish from Liz Smith, David Sheff, whose inter- 
view with Carl Sagan appeared recently, was 
lapped for the assignment. Here's his report: 

“Our first stop was a movie screening at the 
Museum of Modern Ant. Smith, wearing a 
lemon sweater, pink pants, cowboy boots and a 
watch with a map of Texas outlined in dia- 
monds, ducked past klieg lights as reporters 
fired questions at her and photographers 
snapped her picture. 

“In the mezzanine, the introductions began. 
say [lese]. you know David. Sheff, don't 
you?” Well, he didn't, and neither did Brooke 
Shields, Ellen Burstyn nor Alan Pakula, In 
the theater, we took seats near the guests of 
honor, Martin Scorsese and Robert De Niro. 


Four seals in front were reserved by а piece of 


masking (аре. On the tape was written the 
word MADONNA, 

“AS the crowd filed in, Liz pointed out writ- 
ers, directors and movie stars, whispering 
their names. 1 may have made an audible gasp 


when Madonna arrived. I will digress here 
only to say thal she was stunning, even 
though, as Liz pointed out, she hadn't washed 
her hair for the occasion. Liz filled me in on 
more of who was who. 

“One thing led to another, and soon Smith 
was telling me a joke. 4 mouse and a lion go 
into a bar lo have a drink,’ Liz was saying. 
“There's a giraffe sitting al the next lable. And 
the mouse says, "Oh, my God, I'm in love. 
That's the most beautiful creature Vue ever 
seen. Look at her eyelashes.” 

“The lion says, “Well, why don't you just 
go right over and buy her a drink?" 

"he mouse says, “Oh, I can't do that.” 
“Eventually, after another drink, the 
mouse goes over and buys the givaffe a drink 
and, after awhile, they disappear: 

"The next night, the lion is in the bar 
drinking, and the mouse comes in, looking ter- 
rible. The lion says, “What's the matter? What 
happened?" 
he mouse says, “Are you kidding? Be- 
tween fucking and kissing, I think I must 
have run three thousand miles." 

“Twas laughing when I was stopped in my 
tracks, Madonna looked over her shoulder at 
me. And smiled. 


"That's the toughest 
part of the job— 
people upset. disappointed, 
angry, furious, going to 


break your legs.” 


“Just then the movie began, and by the lime 
it was over and the lights were on again, 
Madonna had gently slipped out. Smith and 1 
lefi, too, to begin the interview.” 


PLAYBOY: Got 


ny good gossip for us? 
SMITH: People me all the time. 
PLAYBOY: Well? We're all ears. 

SMITH: If I had, I would have used it in 
the column. Sorry to disappoint you. 
They call me the queen of dish, but it 
strikes me as being all wrong. Gossip 
isn't what is behind the success of my col- 
umn. There are a number of gossip 
columnists in America who get much 
bener gossip than I do. Im not knock- 
ing it, but the great gossip columnists, 
such as Walter Winchell or Dorothy Kil- 
gallen, were measured by how hateful 
they could be. I don't even begin to 
touch the hems of their 


PLAYBOY: Some people—people exposed 
your column—would say you're every 
bit as hateful as Winchell or Kilgallen. 


SMITH: Bul when I write something fair- 


in ways that I find just horrible. Its often 


Who asks for 
SMITH: Sean Penn. He's his own worst 
enemy, It's hard to be sympathetic to 
him when he gocs around socking peo- 
ple. Гус never seen a picture of him 
where he wasn't smoking two cigarcucs 
d having a drink, I wrote that he will 
finally be gr fier he checks into the 
Beuy Ford Center € eplace fi 
that. Roseanne Barr [Arnold] is another 
person who is her own worst enemy, 
though in some respects, I think she's 
been misunderstood, 
PLAYBOY: Does everybody 
about ask for 
SMITH: Most of the ime Fm not writing 
salacious gossip. | might write it when 1 
get it, but I more often write about 
movies and parties. The column is a hy- 
brid of whats going on, what interests 
other people's writing, 
I think other people have said 
resting. I'm a pretty good re- 
d if I can get something first 
ried or di- 
m much more 
aflect 


you write 


vorced, I print it. But 
werested in how thing s socio- 
logically and psychologi Is much 
more important than who was und 
whose table at Mortons. 
PLAYBOY: But don't readers want gos- 
sip—the more salacious the better? 
SMITH: 1 don't think so. I don't hear 
much from readers about gossipy items, 
except Irom people saying they are go~ 
ing 10 break my legs for telling on them 
PLAYBOY: Do you get nervous over calls 
such as that? 
SMITH: 105 not fun when people don't 
like what you've wr n. You can't cs- 
cape. That's the toughest part of the 
job— people upset, disappointed, angry, 
furious, going lo break your I 
PLAYBOY: Has anybody ever 
throu E 


followed 


n threatened by experts. 
Sean Connery told me he would like to 
stick my column up my ass. 1 told him 
that was the best offer ГА had all week. 
PLAYBOY: What offended him? 
SMITH: He was making ovie with ап 
actress named—let’s not say her name. I 
cast an aspersion on her ability by sug- 
gesting she had been left a lot of mone 
by some guy. 1 guess he was just feel 
gallant 

I once had а ter 
phone with Bette 
up and said, “I don't want to be 
fucking column." All I bad written was 
that she was having a romance with this 
actor, Peter Riegert, Neither one of them 
d. so E didn't think I had to go 
get permission from the Pope to write 

She felt th; 

1 she 


ble fight on the 
fidler, who called me 


your 


1 kept asking her, “Whats the big 
deal?” She started to calm down and we 
ended up having а very nice talk. | 


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ficis appear o be cose miatea 

‘Persons who зе ROGAINE Topical Sotuton have a kw eve tabs phon ol mnossbl. much lower Pan at of persons 
eng treated win roan tablets lor hghblood pressure Thertre Ie ieh ra a person using ROGAINE Topical 
Soluton wil develop те eectsassocatet win питон tabe 1% very mal. In c ne ol hese elects nave bem 
‘ety atebuted 10 ROGAINE n cincal sudes 
How soon can lexpectresuits from using ROGAINE? 

Studios ave shown Wat Ine response to treatment win ROGAINE may vary wide 

Some patents receving ROGAINE may see taster resul than others. mers may respond wih a slower rate of har 
grown You shows not expect vile growth ı0 tess an 4 most 
Vi respond to ROGAINE, what will the hair took ke? 

you have very ite ha nd por Vo atirent your frst пан growin may be soll downy cloress har has barely 
Wie Апе итле treatment the new Кам shoud be Ie sr Color and thckness a I eher Гам on your scan I ou 
ar mi substantial ha, he new har should be c e same color and Исле as the rest d you! har 
How long do Ineed to use ROGAINE? 

ROGAINE s aveatnent, nota cure I you respond to realment. you wel reed to connue using ROGAINE to meta or 
increase har growth И ou O not bepn to showa response o neater win ROGAINE ater 2 Teasorabie репо of ter 
at east 4 months or more, your dodor пау abuse you t dscontrue vang ROGAINE 
What happens if stop using ROGAINE? WII keep the new hair? 

ч уш sep исло ROGAINE you wal probably shed Ie ми Кн hon 3 ew отте afler stopping итен 
Mhatis the dosage of ROGAINE? 

You sous apply a nt Oose ot ROGAINE Ivo Wes 2 Сау once in tne moring ang восе a ng. Deore degme 
fach tote shoul last about 30 days (1 month The appicatos ı each package o! ROGAINE are designed t let you 
apply me сопел amount o ROGAINE wn each аррисатол. Please reter о the Insiruchoas I Use 
Whatit i miss a dose or forget to use ROGAINE? 

yeu mes one or two daly appicatons of ROGAINE, you shoud restart your ace daly appicalonandreturtn your 
‘sual schedule You should nol attr! to mabe up fer mused appicabonz 
Can lose ROGAINE mere than twice a day? Will it work faster? 

"No Studies y he Up Company have ber carelully conducted io determine Me correct amount ot ROGAINE to ve. 
Ma obtain the most sausactry results More есет! applicators ог use of arger doses (more than 4 rit илсе a dy] Rive 
Tot bern stown to speed up the process a ha рилип ard may increase the роза біру el е efi 
What are the most common side effects reported in clinical studies with ROGAINE? 

‘tutes ol patents using ROGAINE have shown thatthe nost common adverse elects directly arı butable 10 ROGAINE 
Topics Soliton were dcning an other she итик of me bate area ol the scel Atout Pe ol patents moe 
complaints 

‘Othe side ec. acude igni esgecress izeness, апа headaches were reported ty pabents using ROGAINE or 
aceto (а этии solution without the acuve mediaton) 

What are some of he side енесіз people have reported? 

“Thettequency ni side fs ested below was simi exte fnr ermatcione reactions te groups паго ROGAINE 
and paceda Resprabry bronchus, upper respiratory inlecton. seusis. Dermatologe, wetant of abergc contact 
(erratic eczema, hyperchoss cc eyihema pres. diy skir/eealpiakng касабаи 04 hav oct рез. 
Gastromtestinal diarrhea, nausea, voribng. Nevrologic headache, Garness. laines. ight-neadedness 
Mostilosketetat Wachres hack pan lente. Carchwaccular eder thes pin bot pressure eatis decreases 
Foo pulse rate ceases бесте Arr. ronspeciicalirpe reactors. mes, тк has. lica swing 
‘ania. Spacal Senses conunctivis, sar ectene vertige vial duturbinces including decreased viu акы. 
Metatol-hotntonal edema. went gan Unrary Tact unay rad lechos. renal calcul. шетт Geral Tact 
posteas. epididymis vex уйшен. Percha элне, deprezton hut. Heralobgrc lymphadenopathy 
Ihombocylapena Endocrrologe 

Tndeadusl who are hypertensive to mondi. ropytene ghcol. or etanol must not азе ОСА 

ROGAINE Topica! Seu contains alcohol. when coul cause burning or тал leyes mucaus mernonnes or 
attive shin aras M ROGAINE accceraly gets oto these arcas. babe е art wa large amounts о суо шр wales 
Contact yow бодо! н «raton persists 
Wnatare me possibte side effects thet could affect the heart and circulation when using ROGAINE? 

Ато sencus side elects have nol been айп te ROGAINE m circa stuóes. hete 5 2 possiblity hal ev 
‘could occur because Ре ае gredent n ROGAINE Порса Salubon в ihe sime e ın minaw abies 

Minonidrtabetsareusedio treat von ood pressure Minox abies wer Боо pressure Dy relannp e artenes an 
lect calec vastdiaton. Vasodlaho teats o relemon al Nud and incicased her rate The oig elects aye 
шге vy some patents ng тилеши tabes for high blood pressure 

Increased heat rate Some patents have reported 2 resting hear rate increased by mere than 20 beats per minute 
тарб меді gar ol nore Wan $ pounds cr Swing (edema) cl ma lace. hands, ans br stomach мез aay 
‘beating. especally when Ing down a resa olan crease body fus or MUG round Рез worsening ol or er 
оле of, angina pecto 

Whe HOGAINE Topical Sohn s used on normal skin, very Mte тупки 15 absorbed. and the possible ееп» 
Are to nena aa ан not pactar the use of ROGAINE M however you gerne any d he post 
Side elects е discontinue use of ROGAINE and consul your docct Presumably such eects woud be Most iei 4 
рень abserian осте € 0. becivta ROGAINE was used on damaged ог llmed sen rim prats Man recom. 
‘ended amounts 

In этти studies. пою in doses ner than woul be obtained rom topal use in people, has caused pont 
mearisttuckre damage Ths kind of damage has nol been sen 10 humans gwen minded tables Vor ho bond pressure 
elec doses 
What factors may increase the risk of serious side effects with ROGAINE? 

Indreduas win known or suspected underyrg conary artery cease or те presence o o predsposiion to heut 
iure would be at parcus risk f sterne eitis (al, creased heart rate or Алб elerten) ol naan were to 
ocur Physicians, ant patents with hese kinds of underyung diseases. should be conscious p! We poena rk ol 
atmet t they choose 10 use ROGAINE 

ROGAINE should be apple oriy to me scalp and should not be used on other parts ol the body because absorphon ot 
‘noel may be ncreasedard Ine nsh of эде eects may became greater You shoul net кае ROCAINE i your scio 
becomes rated or 15 sunburned, and you shoud not use along иий other торса atmen medion on yout sca 
Can individunts wit high blood pressure use ROC AINE? 

Irdwauals wih hypertension. mcuóng Mose under treatment wih ambypertensve agents. can use ROGAINE tut 
should be momored closely by tren босон Patents talang guanemaine fr hgh DIUI pressure злом nol vie 
ROGAINE 
‘Should any precautions be followed? 

Inóenduis vig ROGAINE should te monton by hest physician t month ale st 
6months threats Discontinue ROGAINE зучет effets occur. 

Oo nol use n n conuncton with ches pic agents sach as COMICOSIIDES reino репа о agente at 
enhance petutareousabscipon ROGAINEs fr topical use oniy Each militer contans 20 none. and accidental 
argeston could сизе adverse system elects 

"No carcinogenicity vas found wth иса application ROGAINE should rol beused by pregnant women or by титул 
mothers The efits on lator ard eivery are not known Elwacy « posimännpautal women ha nol been studied 

Pedotoc use Safety and effeciveness ave not been established under age 1 

Салют Federa tan prohibits dspensing witout а ресора Mu must ce э doctor 1o ree 3 pesenpben 


| Upjohn | DERMATOLOGY 
| DIVISION 


The Upjohn Company 
© 192 The Upohn Company Kalamazoo, МІ 49001 USA USJ-5497.00 January 1992 


una ROGAINE and at east every 


thought it was gutsy of her to call. 
PLAYBOY: Have you been sued: 
SMITH: Гуе had a lot of lawsuits threat- 
ened, but no one ever files. The one who 
med about it the most was Cart 
Bernstein when | wrote about his di- 
vorce [from writer Nora Ephron]. He 
id | had written about him with n 
he pi 
ously. They wanted copies of everything 
Га ever written about him. We sent ev 
ery column and the lawyers called a 
asked. "Where's the rest of it?" 

1 said, "That's it.” They said, "Are you 
kidding? Is he crazy? You never said any- 
thing about him." The paper just 


He never sued, but he uses me in his 
lectures as the great devil of American 
journalism. He came up to me at a party 
опе night and threw himself in my arms 
and cried and said how much Ud hurt 
him. He blamed me for the divorce. 
PLAYBOY: Do you have any idea who 
reads you regularly? 

SMITH: 1 hear from all kinds of people— 
intelligent people, people in padded 
cells. I think I have a re 
class fans, borh in jour 
it, as well as just all kinds of people from 
all over the country 

: And some detractors as wi 
azine, for instance. 


foon. I have no idea wh 
PLAYBOY: One of Spy's editors said they 
do it "because it seems to rattle” you. 
SMITH: lt doesn't. They have a few pet 
targets that they cram down everybody s 
throat every month. They buy these bad. 
pictures of me—there are a lot of bad 
pictures of anybody who goes out all the 
time—and they print them. I find it so 
juvenile. Spy makes fun of me; Esquire 
says I'm one of the women it loves. 1 
would like to believe that neither one of 
those things are deserved 

PLAYBOY: But whether it’s Spy or Carl 
Bernstein, much of the peer criticism. 
even disdain, is virulent. Why? 
SMITH: OK. I'm going to tell you. Hor 
estly. I think it’s envy. 

PLAYBOY: Envy? 

SMITH: | think writers who work hard 
and don't get their due—they haven't a 
rived yet—are infuriated when they sce 
somebody like me who they assume is 
making a lot of money and has a lot of 
power. 

PLAYBOY: Some of them arc fur 
cause they question your credibility as a 
journalist. You write about your friend: 
у ofien as much a part of the story 
as the people you are writing about 
Most of all, you're not tough enough 
SMITH: Nobody likes to be criticized and 
I'm not so secure that I can just say | 
don't care what people say, but Гуе got- 
ten so I don't care about most of it. Some 
of it is so ridiculous. People suggested 
that I shouldn't have gone ıo Malcolm 
Forbess seventicth birthday party in 


ous be- 


Morocco, for instance, that there was 
something unethical about my going. 
PLAYBOY: Well, as a reporter, it is unethi- 
cal to accept gifts, which include trips to 
Morocco to hang out with Malcolm 
Forbes and Liz Taylor. 

SMITH: | considered Malcolm а good 
friend. I wouldn't have thought of not 
going. 

PLAYBOY: But you weren't just a guest. 
You reported on it 

SMITH: Yes, and when I came back, I 
wrote about it in à very critical way. 
PLAYBOY: But it's a conflict of interest to 
accept a trip such as that 

SMITH: If | were a news reporter cover- 
ng this for the front page of The New 
York Times, maybe. I have a job where I'm 
supposed to go to parties and say what's 
going on. 

PLAYBOY: But you might be tempted to 
ignore something going on—something 


newsworthy—if youre indebted to 
someone. 
SMITH: Listen, if that were true, 1 


wouldn't have written what I did about 
the party: E said I thought that the pub- 
relations overkill and everything was 
terrible. 

PLAYBOY: Do you agree that, say, Bob 
Woodward on assignment for The Wash- 
ington Post shouldn't accept gifts? 

smmH: I'm a gossip columnist. Bob 
Woodward is а ative reporter 
who has to be cleaner than a hound's 
tooth. I'm not writing about anything 
crucial. 

PLAYBOY: How do you respond to the 


Wes 


criticism that the column is filled with 
press releases from Hollywood press 
agents. 


SMITH: The only way you can write a col- 
umn like mine is to have some help from 
public relations people. If a PR agent 
gives us something that seems like news, 
we use it. But it's a myth that there is an 


apparatus that feeds the column. Maybe 
ten percent originates with PR people. 
PLAYBOY: And. 


SMITH: [Interrupts] Excuse me. But please 
tell me what is wrong with using PR peo- 
ple if they give you real new 
PLAYBOY: You publishing prepack- 
aged public relations, nof real news 

SMITH: If a PR person tells me that Debra 
Winger is going to make a movie, that is 
news. People are interested, If we find 
out she's gone off the deep end or some- 
thing, we call the press representative to 
at least get a statement, We don’t use 
anything without checking ii 
movie stars have very acti 
agents, Robert De Niro and Martin 
Scorsese, for example, had a press agent 
who never gave me anything but was on 
the phone if I said anything about them 
that she didn't like. I said De Niro had 
an operation for gallstones or some- 
thing—big deal—but she called up and 
denied it had happened. I knew some- 
body in the hospital with him. But if I 
want to know something, I can call her 


and she will, I believe, tell me the truth. 
Sylvester Stallone and Arnold Schwarz- 
enegger both have active PR people. bi 
cause they evidently believe in the value 
of presenting themselves in the best way 
they can. 1 happen to like both of them 
very much and Гуе known them both 
for a long time. We get a story on some- 
thing Stallone is going to do, а publicity 
release or an exclusive story to us about 
Stallone, and if I feel it is full of news, 
then I am happy to use it. But I wrote 
something about him and got a big Пар 
from the same people. They were yellir 
because I said that he and Eddie Mur- 
phy were having a big feud. I just ig- 
nored them. 
PLAYBOY: Do they expect a certain kind 
of treatment from you? If you saw Stal- 
lone drunk at a party, would you be less 
likely to print it because you'd get no 
more cooperation from him? 
SMITH: If 1 have a good-cnough story, it 
wouldn't have anything to do with them. 
1 get angry calls all the time. | know if I 
write anything that Jane Fonda doesn't 
like, Im going to hear from her press 
agent. 
PLAYBOY: Who are your best sources? 
They change. People will get real 
sted in being a source, and they'll 
be a source, and then they'll disappe: 
or they'll become personally involved in 
something they don't want me to know 
about. 
PLAYBOY: Has the business of gossip 
changed now that stories thar nsed to he 
relegated to the columns—Gary Hart 
and Donna Rice, Jim Bakker and Jessica 
Hahn—are viewed as hard news? 
SMITH: A gossip column can't be what it 
once was, because the whole soc 
seems pervaded by this obse 
people, with any detail about famous 
people. And it comes with this Victorian, 
moralistic attitude. Reporters are amaz- 
ingly hypocritical. They always express 
this sort of shock: “Oh, my God! You 
took a drug! You were drunk! You were 
unfaithful to your wife!” They're very 
high-minded. It’s amazing, because they 
have all taken drugs and cocaine and 
have been unfaithful to their spouses 
PLAYBOY: Isn't it their job to have th 
titude toward public hgures? 
SMITH: | think its just a Victorian 
hangover. People judge one another by 
standards they would never apply to 
themselves. The Gary Hart scandal nev- 
er would have happened a short time 
ago. It might have come up in a gossip 
column such as Walter Winchell's, but it 
suitable as hard news. These 
ge stories are more compelling 
than anything I can come up with. 
PLAYBOY: 15 it good that politici 
sonal lives are front-page news? 
SMITH: I think so, for the most part. 
PLAYBOY: The Kennedys might never 
have been elected if the press had cc 
ered them the way they covered Hart. 
SMITH: Well, as far as I'm concerned, 


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Bobby and Jack Kennedy were total dis- 
asters for the United States, based pre- 
cisely on their lack of responsibility and 
restraint when it came to women. 

PLAYBOY: How did their sexual prochvı 
fect them as leaders? 
SMITH: I was caught up in their glamour 
and sex appeal. It was a very exciting 
time. Jack Kennedy was one of the most 
compelling figures I've ever seen. Bobby 
seemed so sensitive and feeling. But 
their arrogance stuns me. It is as bad as 
the openhanded 
Johnson or the secretive, mad and p: 
rogance of Richard Nixon. It's 
ble that the Kennedys were killed, 
and there's no question that they were 
very intelligent and attractive and dy- 
mic and that they brought a kind of 
ica. But there was 


ogance of Lyndon 


Sigue here ШУ bly 
п too many men who've 
come to the Presidency who have always 
been faithful to their wives. But now we 
have television and this huge maw of 
and sound bites and people 
ng for every little bit of anything, 
iscretion is magnified. Most of us 
aren't as clean as a hound's tooth. But 
most of us aren't running for President 
Its the same with the Charles Robb- 
y. He should have said, “1 
made a mistake and had a brief dalliance 
h this young lady and I've 


Tai Collins stor 


xplained 
it and worked it out with my wife and I 
regret it.” The most ridiculous thing was 
that he didn't do that and he suggested 
that the woman only gave him a massage 
and that they had prayed together. 
PLAYBOY: How about with Edward Ken- 
nedy and his nephew in Palm Beach. 
Was that a big story for you? 

SMITH: It was covered so intensely by so 
many people that | felt there wasn't 
much I could add. I never could get any- 
thing I was really sure I could believe. I 
did quote the piece Taki wrote in the 
London Spectator in which he told about 
Willie Smith beating up an English girl 
he knew well. It was ignored until 1 
wrote about it. Then everyone picked it 
up and, of course, then all the other 
women came forward. 

PLAYBOY: Where do you sce 4 
hunger for dirt going? 

SMITH: The 


ncríca's 


ny of it all isif we go on in 
thi al progression it vill eventually 
have a numbing efleci—nobody will care 
what anybody does. There'll be certain 
things that still won't be acceptable— 
stealing money, beating up widows and 
orphans, murdering your opponents— 
but I think we will get to where people's 
sex lives will not be germane news so 
long as the American people know a 
politician isn'ta sex maniac or apt to be 
diverted from a national crisis by a girl 
on his lap. 

PLAYBOY: Now that The New York Times is 


natu 


writing gossip, how do you compete? 
SMITH: First of all, the Times has changed 
and the changes have not been good 
Something drastic has happened there. 
Itis a response to what it perceives as the. 
shrinking newspaper readership. Within 
the space of a month, the editors 
shocked everybody by printing the name 
of the alleged Palm Beach rape victim 
and putting Kitty Kelley's book about 
Nancy Reagan on the front page. They 
gave the book so much credence, which 
s what created the furor ove The 
Times in a sense authenticated it. They 
dismantled their reputation in a manner 
I've never observed before. 
PLAYBOY: Do you consider the tabloids to 
be competition? 
SMITH: 1 can't compete with them. The 
National Enquirer, the 5 id the other 
weekly tabloids don't care what they 
print. And the tabloids create news by 
paying for it; 1 certainly can't compete 
with that. By paying for information, 
they are attracting peuple to squeal on 
their lovers or so-called friends. People 
are paid to say they went to bed with 
a movie star. They pay chauffeurs а 
maids and nurses and X-ray technicians. 
never paid for anything. 
PLAYBOY: Never? 
SMITH: Never. 
PLAYBOY: How conscious are you of the 
effect of what you write on the subjects 
you're writing about? 
Smm: I'm very conscious, which is prob- 
ably why I'm not a better gossip colum- 
nist. Um always trying to figure out 
whether a story is important enough to 
do—or whether I'm brave enough and 
whether I want to endure the fall. 
PLAYBOY: Do you operate on the princi- 
ple that public figures, be they politician 
or movie star. fair game? 
SMITH: I think that some public figures 
are more fair game than others. It’s 
gloves off on politicians and people 
hase public image is perfection, like 
the televangelists— Jim Bakker—people 
who claim to be spiritual or moral lead- 
ers. They are the whited sepulchers wait- 
ing for our graffiti 
PLAYBOY: In the aftermath. of John 
Belushi's death, you took the controver- 
sial stand of supporting Bob Woodward 
ng Wired, his exposé of Belushi's 
nost of Hollywood at- 


for w 
drug use, w 
tacked it. 
SMITH: | made a lot of enemies over that. 
Nobody wanted to deal with the fact that 
Belushi's drug abuse was being enabled 
by studio heads, producers, managers 
and all these people who just wouldn't 
say no to him. I was amazed that his wife, 
Judy Jacklin, was defending those peo- 
ple who were shown for what they were 
in Woodward's book. Penny Marshall. 
Robert De Niro—all these people got in- 
credibly upset over it. They just didn’t 
want the story written. 

PLAYBOY: How do you decide which 


movie st 
SMITH: When people are so big and when 
they have lived by publicity, then 1 don't 
see any reason not to print anything vou 
can find out about them. I only draw the 
line between bad and good gossip. 
PLAYBOY: What's the difference? 

SMITH: Good gossip is just what's going 
on. Bad gossip is stuff that is salacious, 
mean and bitchy—the kind most people 
really enjoy. 

PLAYBOY: Like news of romantic entan- 
glements? Is that OK to publish? 

SMITH: It's OK if you can get a line on it 
and can confirm it. [v's not of earth-shat- 
tering importance, but it’s of legi 
interest to the public. 

PLAYBOY: What if no one confirms it but 
you have other sources? 

SMITH: lt depends. I don't like writing 
things about people playing around 
when they're married. 1 think it's too 
wounding. | don't want to be the one in- 
forming Mrs. So-and-so that her hus- 
band is having an affair with So-and-so. 
PLAYBOY: Have any Mrs. So-and-sos 
found out in your column? 

SMITH: | printed the story about Michelle 
Pfeiffer and John Malkovich having 
their big romance when they were та 
ing Dangerous Liaisons. They һай gone 
totally berserk over each other. I got a 
leuer from Malkovich's wife, Glenne 
Headley, telling me how much 1 had 
wounded her. She didn't know about it 
before sh 


saw my column. I thought 
they had di orced, 1 wrote this thing 
completely unaware that s still 
married 

PLAYBOY: How did you respond to 
Headley? 

SMITH: I apologized and told her that I 
honestly thought she and John had di- 
vorced. But she remained on my con- 
science, I must say 

PLAYBOY: In gene: 
when to write news of a divorce? 

SMITH: The fact is, every divorce and ev- 
егу separation isn't some salacious piece 
of shit 

PLAYBOY: Yct, don't many people want it 
kept quiet? 

SMITH: 1 don't know why they do, but 
they do. 

PLAYBOY: How about fc 
Or discretion? 

SMITH: Of course, and 1 respect that. I 
just read a book about anchormen. Peter 
Jennings talked about how terrible it 
is to read about his private allairs in 
print—I printed the story about him and 
his wife splinting up briefly when she ran 
h [Washington Post columnist] Rich- 


he w 


al, how do you decide 


privacy's sake? 


stor 
PLAYBOY: By whom? 


was placed with me deliberately 


SMITH: [Smiles] Let's ju av 1 didn’ 
make it up. He didn't call me personally. 
but... .. It was obvious 1 had been chosen 
to tell this story. Then he complains 
about it. When it comes to people 


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PLAYBOY 


56 


divorcing, sometimes they want you to 
know. Barbara Walters wanted me to 
write that she and her husband were 


PLAYBOY: Why? 

SMITH: 1 think a lot of people who are 
separated want people to know they're 
not playing around if they're seen out 
with someone else. They want to get it 
on the record. Nora Ephron wanted me 
10 write that she and C; Bernstein 
People know TII be pret 
nd then it won't appear 

y the National Enquirer 

PLAYBOY: Does the column come in 
handy for getting even with people who 
have crossed you? 

SMITH: I iry not to let myself use the col- 
umn for revenge. I made some mistakes 
in the beginning. There are people I 
don't care for in the business, but I try to 
be scrupulously 
PLAYBOY: How about if you had a really 
horrible meal at a restauran 
SMITH: 1 just wouldn't go back. If 1 have 
something nice to say, OK. Otherwise, 1 
let it go. Well, maybe if it was something 
that really ticked me off. In the old days, 
the  columnists—Winchell.  Kilgallen, 
Hedda Hopper, Louella Parsons—came 
to believe their own hype. They were 
really 


y like demigods: you couldn't c 
them. They had a kind of power that 
nobody writing today has. Television 
vitiated all of that. But Winchell had 
incredible 


oss 


power. He made the stock 
marker go up and down press 
agents would commit. suicide because 
their access to the column was cut off 
and they'd lose all their clients. 1 
couldn't punish anybody. They wouldn't 
care. They d laugh 

PLAYBOY: You're criticized for writing 
about your friends. Can you write about 
them honestly, warts and all? 

SMITH: Fortunately, 1 don't have that 
many real friends in the acting business. 
ЭШ, il I have a pertinent and meaning- 
ful story about anybody I know, I go to 
them and try to develop the story. What 
do people want from me? You cannot 
know anybody and close all your doors 
and fix it so you don’t have access Б 
cause you're so pure—you won't taki 
peanut-butier canapé—but the fact is, I 
can't be bought for a plane trip. 1 can't 
be bought for something so petty. I don't 
mean that a lot of nice things don't hap- 
pen to me as a direct result of writing а 
column. I get flowers. | get an occasion- 
al boule of champagne. But 1 don't pa 
any attention. They say everybody has a 
€, but 1 haven't even heard any bid- 
me. I wish 1 would get offered 
how about a nice 


Poor 


closest celebrity 


friends? 
SMITH: 
Moore, Barbara Walters. 


Kathleen Turner, Магу Iyle 


PLAYBOY: ls it hard for them because 


they know you're a columnist? 

SMITH: It is hard for them. They take a 
lot of Hak about me. 
PLAYBOY: What kind of flak? 
SMITH: People assume that if I write sto- 
ries relating to them, they told me. No- 
body wants to be tagged as a fink. I end 
up geuing less out of my friends than 
from people I don't know. They'll tell me 
something totally innocuous and ask me 
not to print it. Ûd never use something 
without going back to ask them about 
Т would like to be treated like an ordi- 
пагу person, not like some pariah, 
though I understand it. I think the press 
ed by people who are under- 
educated and by people who are betray- 
ers. My own relationships with the press 
haven't been so great. It’s hard to give 
interviews and be so totally misrepre- 
sented and misunderstood. 

PLAYBOY: But don't you have less to com- 
plain about, since this is your business? 
SMITH: Absolutely. I'm complaining, but 
1 don't have the right to. I admit that up 
front 

PLAYBOY: So you're fair game? 

SMITH: I'm absolutely fair game. 
PLAYBOY: What about those proponents 
of outing, for instance, who have target- 
ed you as a closet homosexual who cov- 
ers up in your column for others? How 
do you feel about that? 
SMITH: What can I say? It's a fre 
y. They can say whatever they want, 
nd I don't have to respond to them. 
PLAYBOY: But? 

SMITH: But | think they're terrible. I 
think they're terrorists. I don't think 
they have any ideology or sincerity—I 
think they're trying only to make them- 
selves famous, which they have done. 
PLAYBOY: In fact, they claim they are 
tired of people hiding their sexuality be- 
cause it contributes to homophobia and 
to some of the problems around AIDS. 
SMITH: But they aren't honestly trying to 
accomplish anything by rushing about 
pointing fingers at people. They say | 
should be a role model. Who the fuck 
are they? I don't want to be anybody's 
role model. 

PLAYBOY: Their point is that there are so 
few positive role models because most 
prominent homosexuals are in the closet 
and you perpetuate the closet. 

SMITH: How? 
PLAYBOY: By lying abo: 
gay, by covering up for them as if it were 
something to be ashamed of. You would 
write about a major star if he were hav- 
ng an affair with some starlet, but not if. 
he were involved with a man. 

SMITH: Listen, gays have the problems of 
all downtrodden minorities, and so | 
haven't said they n't entitled to do 
whatever they want. But outing doesn't 
accomplish anything. 

PLAYBOY: How do you respond to their 
charges? 

SMITH: I'm not obligated to respond or 


cou 


y people who are 


mswer their questions about their myth- 
ical ideas about my sex life. Nobody is. 
PLAYBOY: Don't vou write about the sex 
life of public people all the time? 

SMITH: Um not going to make statements 
about my sex life. Im sixty-eight years 
old. Let's just say I've had a very good 
time. But it isn't pertinent. Lam not their 
creature, whatever they may think. 
PLAYBOY: Do you perpetuate the prob- 
lem by writing about prominent ho 
sexuals as if they were str 
1 me take 
г example. They think he's ga 
ics. Am I supposed to analyze 
he is gay and shouldn't have mar- 
ed? He's never told me he was gay. 1 
wouldn't have thought of asking. 
PLAYBOY: But if it was known by you 
most everyone you know that a ma 
was for show, would you expose il? 
SMITH: That's not what I do. I don't tell 
on people. 

PLAYBOY: But don't you tell on people 
such as Michelle Pfeiffer and John 
Malkovich? 

SMITH: | explained that, Yes, if there were 
some real flamboyant behavior, throw- 
ng cach other down the stairs. having 
orgies while the wife's upstairs, maybe 
I don't even know then that that's my 


famous dress de- 


and 
ge 


business. 
Everybody who knew Rock Hudson 
and everybody who worked with him 


d every Hollywood columnist. knew 
he was gay. I think eventually the 
ion knew he was gay. But if it 
was out and obvious, I don't see how he 
could have gone on working. He 
couldnt have played the husband in 
McMillan and Wife, even on television. 
PLAYBOY: Isn't that the point? If the pub- 
lic actually knew who was gay, would no 
one have to hide his or her sexuality? 
SMITH: As we move out from under the 
shelier of Victorianism, it may eventual- 
ly not become truc. 

PLAYBOY: Ai least, do you understand the 
source of the frustration? Isn't it a choice 
between honoring someone's right lo 
make the decision and perpetuating a 
myth that encourages bigotry? 

SMITH: Ell tell you what this boils down 
to. There are more impe 
life. 1 do not want to be defined by my 
y. or by any of my 


г 
whole 


nonexistent sexu 
past sexuality, either. Гуе been 
twice, to two men whom I love very 


much. Outside of that, I don't see any- 


thing that will be solved by ing any 
more about it. I ied when | was 
young. exas, and then I married 


when | was doing the Cassini column. I 
wasn't meant to be married. Pm not a 
wile, I need a wile. I spent ten years of 
my life married and the rest of it bounc- 
ing from pillar to post, having a wonder- 
ful time. | had a wonderful time during 
the sexual revolution. L was a lot older 
most of the people who were at the 
nguard of it, but I still had fun. Now, 


I'm sorry my marriages didn't work out 
But, you know, I want to go into a room 
and have people say, “There's Liz! She's 
a terrific person, а good writer, a colum- 
nist—she's fair, she's unfair—whatever." 
That's how | want to be identified 
PLAYBOY: Let's move from the sublime to 
the Trumps. Here was a case where you 
became caught up as a character in the 
story you were reporting. In retrospect, 
how do you view the experience? 
SMITH: It was all preity creepy 

PLAYBOY: How did it get that way? You 
were on the front page of the New York 
Daily News, shown escorting Ivana Trump. 
fiom а luncheon into a waiting limo. 
What happened? 

SMITH: 1 look like her nurse taking her 
to a psychiatric ward. I was shocked. I 


didn’t know the paper was going to be 
there 

PLAYBOY: But it was the Daily News—your 
paper at the time. 

SMITH: Well, they didn't tell me or ask 
me. They had my inside story of what 
had happened at that luncheon, and 
that was the only picture they had of her. 
PLAYBOY: How did you end up in that 
position? 

SMITH: There were about twenty-five of 
the social ladies at this lunch. When it 
came time to go out, none of those wom- 
en wanted to face the crowd with her 
PLAYBOY: Why did you brave it 

SMITH: I'm not afraid of the press. Those 
were my pals out there, or my enemies — 
my peers, at least. I'm not afraid of them. 
1 said, "Come on, Barbara, you and I will 
go out with Ivana” 

PLAYBOY: Barbara who? 

SMITH: Barbara Walters. I just thought 
we would help her get to the car 
PLAYBOY: How could that not have been 
а scoop—Ivana Trump flanked by you 
and Barbara Walters? 

SMITH: Well, all I wanted to do was get 
out of there and get Ivana out. As we 
reached the door, Barbara was shoved 
aside, so it was just the two of us. I said to 
Ivana, “Now smile, be like Jackie Onas- 
sis." She had been crying through the 
lunch. I said, "You don't want to go out 
there and let them see how sad you are. 


You look so beautiful, just smile." So we 
both went out with those idiot grins on 
our faces. 

PLAYBOY: You broke the story originallı 
Did you know the Trumps before thatz 
SMITH: | knew him first, actually. I liked 
him. He was very interesting and enter- 
taining and funny. He was always sweep- 
ing me up in his arms and saying to 
everybody standing around, “Isn't she 
the greatest?” Of course, he did that to 
just about everybody. Then I met Ivana, 
and I loved her instantly. 1 began to scc 
Ivana more because of these girls’ 
things—luncheons, showers, I was invit- 
ed to everything they did, but mostly as 
part of the press. 

PLAYBOY: And what led to your scoop? 
SMITH: I began to hear that he was seeing 


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57 


PLAYBOY 


58 


tried to find out 
еа that, 


somebody else. 1 neve 
because I would not have pr 
no matter what. 

PLAYBOY: Why? Wouldn't that ha 
a at temz 

SMITH: | knew Iv didn't know, even 
though everybody was talking about it 
Finally I called him. 1 said, “Donald, 
there is a strong story going around and 
it just won't dic. Why don't you either 
decide that you're going to talk to me 
about it and let me print it in a way that 
won't be too inflammatory or sensational 
or fix the situation so this story ends? 
PLAYBOY: That was fairly presumptuous, 
wasn't it? 

SMITH: Well. | really was concerned for 
Ivana. 

PLAYBOY: Did you think he would 
to you? 

SMITH: I thought he at least should know 
that things were going to explode if he 
didn’t do something, one way or the oth- 
er. When I told him, he said he would 
think about it. He didn't deny it. 

The stories got worse. Then there was 
the blowup in Aspen—Ivana and Marla 
[Maples] screaming at each other in the 
restaurant. I wrote Donald a letter and 
again suggested he talk about it. 1 said, 
“You're going 10 be in someplace a lot 
than the Liz Smith column." 
Nothing. He never answered the letter. 

The next thing I knew, Ivana called 
nd asked if | would see her fora pri- 
vate meeting. She cried and wept and 
sobbed through the whole thing. She 
was in such a state of shock. She said she 
had a lawyer whom she trusted, and that 
she didn’t trust anyone else. She said she 
knew Donald would ruin her, that he 
would take me away from her—he 
would take Barbara Walters and all her 
nds away from her. I told her that 
wasn't true. She asked me not to print 
anything about it. 

PLAYBOY: If she didn't want you to print 
it, why would she call you, of all people 
SMITH: She called to confide in me and to 
ask if | knew of any good public relations 
people, because she realized she would 
а опе if the story came out. She was 
id Donald was going to announce it. 
I left thinking it would really be dirty 
pool to betray her by printing the story, 
і lking to her 
wyer and to the publicist she hired, tr 
g to convince them that it 
Ivana’s best interest to release the story 
before Donald did. They agreed with 
me. and I guess they talked her into i 
and I broke the news about the divorce. 
PLAYBOY: Donald countered by giving his 
side to your competition, the New York 
Post. That started a newspaper war like 
New York hadn't seen in some time. 
SMITH: The papers and my TV station 
loved it My producer at WNBC was 
jumping up and down, calling first thing 
in the morning: “What have you got?” 
Га say, “Fuck you. I'm asleep.” I mean, 


be 


sten 


worse 


me 


as in 


he tormented me. We got some great stuff 
because he was so aggressive. It was the 
biggest story 1 ever saw happen that 
wasn't important, next to Elizabeth Tay- 
lor and Richard Burton. 

PLAYBOY: Do you think the interest is 
mostly that the public enjoys watching 
the mighty fall? 

SMITH: Absolutely. And this story had ev- 
erything—a mistress, a spurned wife, 
enormous and ostentatiou alth, It 
had everything but murder. It was Dallas 
come alive. 

PLAYBOY: Does it show 
sessed with the trivial? 
SMITH: Maybe. | thought notewe 
thy that while this was going on. Time in- 
terviewed me for its story on gossip. The 
first questions its reporter asked me was 
whether I had a face lift, dyed my hai 
and whether I was gay. | would neve 
ask anybody any of those questions. And 
it had the audacity to make fun of me for 
being trivial. 
PLAYBOY: What do 
Trump now? 
SMITH: | pretty much stopped writing 
about him. I think he's pathological. The 
fact that he can get dates isn't news. He 
can get dates like a guy driving through 
the tunnel wo New Jersey can get a 
blow job. 

PLAYBOY: Trump is somcone who could 
only exist in New York. Could you do 
your column in another city? 

SMITH: | don't think I'd ever leave New 
York. 1 do get away to Vermont a lot 
Nobody there asks me about Michael 
Ovitz or Elizabeth Taylor or the Trumps. 
Nobody knows who I am, which I love 
But where would [ go? Back to Texas? 
There are only two conversations in 
Texas: football and cars. I'm not too in- 
terested in either of them. When I go 
back now, I'm a fish out of water 
PLAYBOY: [s that how you felt when you 
were growing up? 

SMITH: Yeah, I did. That's why the lure of 
New York for me was just so intense. 
PLAYBOY: How would you characterize 
your childhood? 

SMITH: I grew up in Fort Worth, duri 
what I call the Booth Tarkington era. 
when America was innocent, when little 
boys fished with a bent pm and a dog 
could sleep in the middle of the street 
and not be run over 

PLAYBOY: Did you have aspirations as a 
child? 

SMITH: When I was about eight or nine. I 
had an old typewriter that my father 
gave me and | made a newspaper— 
headlines, stories, everything. 1 guess I 
always wanted to write. I dreamed about 
New York. I would lie on the floor and 
read Walter Winchell's column about 
New York and the fancy clubs. 1 couldn't 
wail to go to New York. 

PLAYBOY: What brought you there? 
SMITH: | came with a friend—as a sort of 
chaperone, of all things. I arrived with 


w 


we're ob- 


that 


you think about 


filty dollars and no return ticket home. I 
guess my father would have let me come 
home, but he was pretty disgusted w 
me then because | had gotten a di- 
vorce—I was the first person in my fam- 
ily who had ever gotten one and 1 was in 
disgrace. 
PLAYBOY: What lı 
marriage? 
SMITH: I really loved this guy a lot. but I 
sure wasn't meant to be anybody's wile. I 
had very high expectations for myself 
I wanted to be like Myrna Loy. Well. I 
just wasn't any good at marriage. | hadn't 
sown any wild didn't know 
nything. 

PLAYBOY: Was New Y 
expected? 

SMITH: I was dazzled. 1 went out every 
night. You could go to the theater for a 
dollar and a qu L saw things ГА 
never seen in my life. Ballet, sym- 
phonies. Texas was sort of à cultural 
desert. Га seen about four plays in my 
whole life. Га never seen an artichoke. 1 
was sort of like this waif with my nose 
pressed up against the glass. 

PLAYBOY: Soon you were one of the ones 
behind the glass, out at the fancy clubs 
alongside some of your former heroes. 
such as Walter Winchell. When did you 
begin writing your column? 

матн: | began working for columnist 
Igor Cassini, reporting and writing. 1 
wrote about El Morocco, the hot might 
ly every day, because it wı 
lá society were 
functioning. My boyfriend was the 
press agent for the club. It was fantastic 
Lyndon Johnson would be at the first 
table, Aristotle Onassis at the next. Jack 
Dempsey at the next. All the columnists 
were there, including Winchell 
PLAYBOY: What was he like 
SMITH: This was toward the end of his 
carcer. His newspaper in New York, the 
Daily Mirror, had folded and he didn't 
have a New York outlet. He'd come in to 
El Morocco—this man who had been so 
powerful—and pass out mimeographed 
copies of his column as it was appearing 
out of New York. lı was so pitiful, No 
New York paper picked him up because 
he was too much trouble. He'd made too 
many enemies, 

PLAYBOY: What led to your own column? 
SMITH: 1 began freelancing for ma 
azines and contributing to the Robin 
Adam SI 


pened to your own 


oas. l 


all that. you 


an question-and-answer. col- 
umn, which was about celebi I's 
just like the one in Parade, which is one 
of the most-read things in America, even 
though Га be willing to bet that some of 
the questions are fake. I's a vaguely 
shadowy. unethical kind of thing. The 
Parade column is so transparent and so 
bad that Em really surprised. it's still 
th But I did the Sloan column for the 
money. The Daily News’ editors knew I 
was doing it and they asked me to 1 
writing under my own name. Hold them 


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60 


I thought gossip columns were deader 
than the dodo. But they convinced me to 
try it. They felt readers would identify 
with me. They thought 1 was down to 
earth, not off-putting and grand. 
PLAYBOY: You first made big news when 
you broke some of Woodward and Bern- 
stein's The Final Days. How did you get 
the scoop? 

SMITH: I couldn't tell this for years. Га 
been sworn to secrecy: I knew Carl Bern- 
stein and I knew that he and Woodward 
were writing their book, but I never had 
any hope of getting anything. I was sit- 
ting at home minding my own business 
when a writer named Tony Schwartz 
called me. He said he had a great story 
for me—stuff from the Woodward-Bern- 
stein book, The Final Days. I, of course, 
asked how he got it, but he told me not 
to ask any questions. Later І found out 
that he had gotten it from Kitty Kelley, 
who had gotten it from someone at the 
Post. Tony told me I couldn't contact 
Woodward and Bernstein because they 
were under an ironclad contract with 
Newsweek and The Washington Post, which 
had paid for exclusive rights to break the 
book. Well, the paper went wild with it. I 
saw Ed Kosner from Newsweek at a party 
the next day after it ran and he was furi- 
ous. I got a telegram from Carl that said, 
“Congratulations, Scoop, 1 don’t know 
how you did it.” It did me a lot of good 
PLAYBOY: What about the David Begel- 
man check forging and embezzlement 
scandal at Columbia Pictures? 

SMITH: The story was ongoing but unre- 
solved. One Christmas Day, the Washing- 
юп Post printed the most incredible 
exposé about Begelman. He had forged 
Cliff Robertson's name on a check, so I 
called and asked if he'd seen it. He 
begged me to leave it and him alone. He 
said, "Please. They've threatened my 
daughter." 

Well, I convinced him to see me. After 
agonizing hours, I finally convinced him 
that it was better to tell the truth. 1 con- 
vinced him that he was in more danger 
from people not knowing. 

PLAYBOY: Who threatened him? 

SMITH: [t wasn't David Begelman, let's 
put it that way. But Columbia really 
wanted this story to die, and so did Ray 
Stark and a lot of other people. A lot of 
people who loved Begelman wanted it to 
die. These thefts had obviously been an 
action of a really disturbed person. 

I reprinted The Washingion Post story, 
ig them full credit, and commented, 
"Nobody saw this. Whats going on 
here? Is the Los Angeles district attorney 
ignoring this case?” And I wrote about 
Cliff—several columns about it. It caused 
a big explosion. 

PLAYBOY: Did you write that someone 
had threatened his c 
SMITH: Yes. And it continued. Later, 
when David McClintick's Indecent Expo- 
sure was coming out, Stark came to New 


York begging me not to write about 
it. He was a good friend. ] said, "Are 
you kidding? This is one of the greatest 
stories of my life. Of course ГЇЇ write 
about it.” 

PLAYBOY: McClintick, in his book, credit- 
ed you with being influential in bringing 
the Begelman scandal to the attention of 
the public. 

SMITH: Yes. IL was a wonderful boost. I 
was very proud of it. Those are the 
things that make your life worth living. 
PLAYBOY: Has your running feud with 
Frank Sinatra been settled, too? 

SMITH: Sinatra hated me because I at- 
tacked him in print for attacking other 
people. He denounced me from the 
stage of Carnegie Hall. He was violent 
about it. But then, years later, Sid Zion, а 
former New York Times reporter, called 
and told me, "Sinatra wants to meet with 
you." I told him that he must be crazy. 
He said, "So many people have told him 
he's wrong about you that he thinks you 
should make up. I'm going to call you 
some night. He's going to be here, and 1 
want you to come and meet us and talk 
to him." He asked if I was going to be 
nice. I said, "Sure. 1 don't hold grudges. 
1 don't care that he said I was fat, old, a 
lesbian and ugly from the stage of 
Carnegie Hall.” [Laughs] 

One day Sidney calls me and tells me 
to meet them at Jimmy Weston's, a res- 
taurant where Sinatra hangs out. I'm in 
a dither all day, like some dizzy girl go- 
ing to her first dance. I couldn't decide 
what to wear. When I got there, Sinatra 
was sitting alone in a little private room. 
He jumped up and shook my hand 
When I called him Mr. Sinatra, he said, 
“Frank, Frank, please call me Frank.” 

We sat down and started talking. We 
talked for hours. We never mentioned 
our past differences. 

PLAYBOY: What did you talk about? 
SMITH: We just talked about things. The 
weather and so forth. I admired his ring 
and his watch. He's very, very interesting 
and entertaining—obviously—when he 
wants to be. Then he said to me, "You 
and 1 should be friends. We shouldn't be 
attacking each other.” 

The next day all these unbelievable 
orchids arrived with a note that said if I 
ever need him, I should call. And he 
signed it Francis Albert. It was sort of. 
like having a love affair with Sinatra. 
PLAYBOY: Did you write about it? 

SMITH: | wrote pretty much what had 
happened. I tried to write it in a way that 
wouldn't reflect on him in any way that 
would make him sorry he did it. And 
from that time, we sort of laid off each 
other. I keep hoping he won't ever do 
anything so bad I have to write about it 
again. 

PLAYBOY: Couldn't you look at it cynical- 
ly: He wooed you to shut you up? 
SMITH: Well, it wouldn't stop me from 
writing something if I found out about it 


and it was worth writing. But my father 
always used to say that wise people 
change their minds. 

PLAYBOY: Who out there is left that you 
would like to meet? 

SMITH: A lot of people, but not necessar- 
ily actors. 1 would love to meet Mrs. 
Thatcher. I'm interested in politicians. 
PLAYBOY: Did you know the Reagans? 
SMITH: I knew her. I said, "Hello, Mr. 
President, God bless you," two Christ- 
mases in a row, but I didn't really know 
him. I really hoped God would bless him 
because he needed it. 1 had a lot of in- 
teraction with Mrs. Reagan, though. 
Lots of her objecting to things I had 
written. She was delighted the couple of 
times I took her side. 1 defended her 
when everyone was criticizing her for 
buying the White House china. It was 
bought with contributions from her rich 
friends and didn't cost the taxpayers 
anything. Overall, I didn't think Mrs. 
Reagan was as bad as people painted 
her. She is just absolutely charming per- 
sonally. She's the warmest of all of the 
First Ladies that I've known, all going 
back through Lady Bird. The others are 
all sort of glassy-eyed and talk in great 
political generalities. 

PLAYBOY: How about Barbara Bush? 
SMITH: I know her pretty well. We work 
on the literacy committees together. I 
love her—she's wonderful. Mrs. Bush is 
different. She's very sweet and real, but 
she tends to be a bit controlling. I not 
being critical of her, though, because 
she’s a lovely human being. And I think 
that kind of public life must be really 
hard—talk about people coming up and 
asking me stupid things, imagine the 
stupid things they ask her. 

PLAYBOY: Has she complained about 
things you've written about her or the 
President? 

SMITH: Гуе written a lot of things critical 
of the President, which to her mind is 
being critical of her. She most recently 
took me to task for saying that the carpet 
in the upstairs of the White House had 
been newly ordered for the Diane 
Sawyer-Sam Donaldson interview, and 
she was right and 1 was wrong, so 1 cor- 
rected it. Also, I had referred to it as off- 
white. When I went to the White House 
to some event, I got off the elevator in 
the private quarters and Mrs. Bush said, 
“You see, Liz: This carpet is not ofl- 
white.” It was yellow. She said, “And you 
can tell this isn't a new carpet.” I said, 
“Mea culpa, Mrs. Bush,” to which she 
said, "Don't give me Mrs. Bush—it's Bar- 
" It's very hard for me to call Mrs. 
Bush Barbara, but sometimes I choke 
it out. 

PLAYBOY: What's your relationship with 
the Vice President and 
SMITH: I ran a big, devastating story on 
the Quayle family’s involvement. with 
Colonel Robert Thieme, Jr, the right 
wing fundamentalist preacher The 


implication was that both she and Dan 
were very much influenced by him. It 
was a story that had been buried in the 
Louisville Courier-Journal. 1 got a lot of 
nasty mail about it: How dare I smear 
the Vice President with guilt by associa- 
tion? But if a family that is potentially 
bound for the White House is in the 
thrall of anything—an astrologer, mas- 
alt therapist, fundamentalist 
preacher, Roman Catholic bishop—it is 
important for the American people to 
know about it. 

id you ever hear from Quayle 


No, but later, at a luncheon in the 
private White House quarters, Mrs. Bush 
seated me next to Marilyn Quayle. | was 
sure that she did it om purpose. Mrs. 
Bush is so wily and smart. Mr: 
didn't act like she'd ever heard of me be- 
fore or knew who I was or cared. She 

газ very nice during lunch and we had а 
e talk. She never brought it up and 


never mentioned it and | didn't either. I 
wasn't anxious to be involved in an 
dent in the White House. 


nci- 


SMITH: I almost made an industry out of 
writing about her for about a ycar or so 
when she married Or 
PLAYBOY: You wrote that she "proved 
that if you do something really vulgar to 
geta lot of money, but don't do anything 
really vulgar with it, you сап enter the 
establishment.” 

SMITH: Well, she came back to New York 
after Onassis. 1 saw her and decided I 
wasn't going to write about her any- 
more, because she was trying to lead a 
different kind of life and I didn't feel she 
was fair game anymore. She's living 
proof that you can drop out without dy- 
ing. You don't have to be a scandal if you 
don't want to. But for a while, she, 
Richard Burton and Elizabeth Taylor 
were the mainstays of my column. 
PLAYBOY: How did vou get the exclusive 
on Liz's wedding last year? 

SMITH; I wrote her a leuer and told her 
that 1 felt that after twenty-six years of 
friendship, I should be at that wedding. 
Her press agent called and said, "A de 
Чоп is being made. You'll hear right 
away." Then she called and asked me to 
call Liz. She said she wanted me to be the. 
only journalist there. But she wanted 
me to give all the money I earned from 
the story to AIDS research. 1 suggested 
she'd get more money if she got some- 
one like Norman Mailer to come and sell 
itas a big story with a big literary by-line, 
but she said, [imitating Taylor] “I don't 
want Mailer, honey. I want you.” 
PLAYBOY: What do you make of the Jane 
Fonda-led lurner romance? 

SMITH: I've known Jane Fonda for years, 
and though 1 dont know Ted Turner, 1 
think it's just perfect that they're togeth- 
er. Don't you? 


PLAYBOY: Why? 
SMITH: This sort of swinging tycoon from 
Atlanta meets this lovely liberal from 
California who is very interesting, but 
extremely self-absorbed. It’s a natural 
conclusion to the end of her metamor- 
phosis from Hanoi Jane to total com- 
mercial respectability, sliding into the 
establishment. What's great about this 
story is that he could have done what 
other men his age do—go for some 
young, brainless bimbo. He decided to 
get involved with an attractive, middle- 
aged woman. 
PLAYBOY: Are you suspicious when big- 
name people like that get together? 
SMITH: In this case, I think Ted and Jane 
are very much in love with each other. 
We all have romantic illusions about 
ourselves. | don't mean to be corny, but 
I think that they're very much like 
anybody else. 
PLAYBOY: Who are your 
stars? 
SMITH: I like a lot of them. I think Sean 
Penn, who hates me with a passion, is 
one of the best actors I've ever seen. 
I love Robin Williams. ! think Demi 
Moore is one of the most ravishing girls 
I've ever seen. I like Bruce Willis very 
much. 
PLAYBOY: How do you keep up y 
ever-changing cast of who's whi 
SMITH: I try to keep up. | read Variety and 
The Hollywood Reporter. 1 read magazines 
1 don't even understand. I don't know 
anything about sports. 1 don't know any- 
thing about rap and know very little 
about rock and roll. I don't care, but I 
try to cover it. 
PLAYBOY: Is there a big difference in the 
influence you have on television versus 
in the columns: 
SMITH: lelevision is so fleeting that 1 
wonder how profound the influence 
could be. When I write in the column, it 
can have a very profound effect. 
PLAYBOY: What's behind the big changes 
last year—leaving the Daily Neus and 
WNBC for Newsday and Fox? 
SMITH: I'd done pilots for Fox. [Fox 
chairman] Barry Diller wanted me to do 
a regular interview show. We made a 
deal and 1 started doing the Personalities 
show, sort of a poor man's Entertainment 
ight. Well, it was abysmal and junked 
nd rebuilt as E.D,J. It was а phe- 
nomenon, but it was expensive and 
was killed. Now they say I'll do regu 
entertainment reports on the Fox net- 
work. And I didn't leave the Daily News 
until Maxwell gave me an offer. Í felt a 
rtain amount of loyalty. 
PLAYBOY: Did you meet with Maxwell? 
SMITH: He was very nice but he literally 
didn't offer me much more than a cost of 
g raise. He sort of dangled a bonus 
nt of my eyes. He said he reserved 
the right to give me a bonus every yeat 
оп my birthday. In the end, I didn’t trust 
him; I didn't think I would love to work 


vorite younger 


th the 


for him. But Newsday was offering the 
sun, the moon and the stars, including 
an enc rcasc in syndication, ap- 
pearances in the Los Angeles Times and 
Chicago Sun-Times and a five-year con- 
tract. Still, it was a very traumatic experi- 
ence for me and I'm just now beginning 
to settle into it all. 

PLAYBOY: Are you completely free to 
write wi 
SMITH: No one has said anything to me, 
though the Los Angeles Times changed an 
item I wrote about Don Hewitt, the pro- 
ducer of 60 Minuies, being steamed 
bout something. I said, “Even if you re- 
side west of the Hudson, listen carefully 
this evening, and you'll be able to hear 
Hewitt snorting.” The Los Angeles Times 
anged the word “snorting” because 
they said it had a bad connotation on the 
West Coast. 

PLAYBOY: Alter all these years, do you still 
enjoy writing the column and living that 
fast-lane Ме? 

SMITH: 1 am overstimulated, overenter- 
tained, overfed. All I want to do is go 
home and lie down and watch television 
and drink a Coca-Cola and have some 
tomato soup out of a can. 1 find going 
out and socializing very exhausting. 
love the writing, but sometimes I think 
I've been going on too long. 

PLAYBOY: Well, you've certainly collected 
some good stories 

SMITH: 1 know. But the real advantage of 
having been around so long is that 1 
have a lot of contacts and a lot of exper 
ence. I сап call people and get answers. I 
have a sense of what | believe in, what 


mous ini 


What aspirations do you have 
for the column? 

SMITH: I honestly think that tough, irrev- 
‚ frank discussion is good. Maybe 
ing a new ега where people don't 
have to go on with absurd hypocrisies. 1 
can't stand that people have no sense of 
humor anymore, no sense of irony, no 
understanding of satire or any Kind of 
ubilety. They don't read. I don't know 
what kind of civilization you can have if 
people don't read. They're outwardly 
stimulated. 

PLAYBOY: Does it frustrate you that the 
culture often considers your work so 
trivi 
SMITH: Sure, | like to be taken seriously, 
No, it doesn't bother me when I’m not. 
PLAYBOY: You obviously know a lot more 
than you're able to print—what happens 
other ми? 

A lot of it 
for reasons of taste ¢ 
hurtfulness. Maybe because it involves a 
minor child. A lot of people tell me per- 
fecily incredible stories that cant be 
proved. We lose some great stuff. But, 
hell, who cares? This is not national sc- 
curity, just some good gossip. 


isn't printed 
for reasons of 


61 


E 
: 
E 
: 
E 
Н 


Fie IN THE 


GRAN YEARS 


i knew stephanie took the sun on our terrace. if i established an alibi at the office. . . 


fiction By DONALD E. WESTLAKE 


CHARLES DICKENS knew his stuff, you know. Listen 
to this: “Annual income twenty pounds, annual 
expenditure nineteen nineteen six, result happi- 
ness. Annual income twenty pounds, ann 
penditure twenty pounds ought and sis 
misery. 

Right on. You adjust the numbers for inflation 
and what you've got right there is the history of 
Wall Street. At least, so much of the history of 
Wall Street as includes me: seven years. We had 
the good times and we lived high on that a 
jolly sixpence, and now we live day by day the 


long decline of shortfall. Result misery 

Where did they all go, the sixpences of 
yesteryear? Oh, pshaw, we know where they 
went. You in Gstaad, him in Aruba, her in Paris 
and mein the men’s room with a sanitary straw in 
my nose. We know where it went, all right. 

My name's Kimball, by the way; here's my card 
Bruce Kimball, with Rendall/LeBeau. Account 
- May I say I'm still making money for my 
clients? There's a lot of good stuff undervalued 
out there, my friend. You can still make money 
on the Street. Of course you can. I admit it's hard- 
er now; it’s much harder when I have only thrup- 
pence and it’s sixpence I need to keep my nose 


PLAYBOY 


64 


filled, build up that confidence, face 
the world with that winner's smile. 
Man, I'm only hitting on one nostril, 
you know? I'm hurtin’. 

. 

Nearly three years a widow; time to 
remarry. 1 need a true heart to share 
my penthouse apartment (unfurnished 
terrace, unfortunately) with its grand 
view of the city, my cottage (14 rooms) 
in Amagansett, the income of my port- 
folio of stoc! 

An income—ah, me—which is less 
than it once was. One or two iffy mar- 


gin calls, a few dividends undistribut- 
ed; bad news can mount up, somehow. 
Or dismount and move right in. In- 
come could become a worry. 

But first, romance. Where is there a 
husband for my middle years? I am 


Stephanie Morwell, 42, the end prod- 
uct of good breeding, good nutrition, a 
fine workout program and amazingly 
skilled cosmetic surgeons. Since my 
parents died as my graduation present 
from Bryn Mawr, I've more or less tak- 
en care of myself, though of course, at 
times, one does need а man around the 
house. To insert light bulbs and such- 
like. The point is, except for a slight 
flabbiness in my stock portfolio, Lam a 
fine catch for just the right fellow. 

I don't blame my broker, please let 
me make that clear. Bruce Kimball is 
his name and he's unfailingly opti- 
mistic and cheerful. A bit of a blade, 1 
suspect. (One can't say gay blade any- 
more, not without the risk of being 
misunderstood.) In any event, Bruce 
did very well for me when everybody's 
stock was going ир, and now that 
there's a—oh, what are the porno- 
graphic euphemisms of finance? A 
shakeout, a mid-term correction, a 
market adjustment, all of that—now 
that times are tougher, Bruce has lost 
me less than most and has even found 
a victory or two amid the wreckage. 
No. I can't fault Bruce for a general 
worsening of the climate of money. 

In fact, Bruce . . . hmmm. He flirts 
with me at times, but only in a profes- 
sional way, as his employers would 
expect him to flirt with a moneyed 
woman. He's handsome enough, if a 
bit thin. (Thinner this year than last, in 
fact.) Still, those wiry fellows. . . . 

Three or four years younger than I? 
Would Bruce Kimball be the answer to 
my prayers? I do already know him 
and l'd rather not spend too much time 
on the project. 

Stephanie Kimball. Like a schoolgirl, 1 
write the name on the note pad beside 
the telephone on the Louis XIV writ- 
ing table next to my view of the Fast 
River. The rest of that page is filled 
with hastily jotted numbers: income, 
outgo, estimated expenses, overdue 
bills. Stephanie Kimball. | gaze upon 


my view and whisper the name. It’s a 
blustery, changeable, threatening day. 
Stephanie Kimball. | like the sound 

. 

"There is a tide in the affairs of men, 
which, taken at the flood, leads on to 
fortune." Agatha Christie said that. Oh, 
but she was quoting, wasn't she? Shake- 
speare! Got it. 
here was certainly a flood tide in 
my affair with Stephanie Morwell. Five 
years ago, she was mercly one more 
rich wife among my clients, if one who 
took more of an interest than most in 
the day-to-day handling of the portfo- 
lio. In fact, I never did meet her hus- 
band before his death. Three years 
ago, that was; some ash blondes really 
come into their own in black, have you 
noticed? 

I respected. Mrs. Morwell's widow- 
hood for a month or two, then began a 
liule harmless flirtation. I mean, why 
not? She was a widow, after all. With a 
few of my other female clients, an occa- 
sional expression of male interest had 
eventually led to extremely pleasant 
afternoon financial seminars in mid- 
town hotels. And now, Mrs. Morwell; to 
peel the layers of black from that lithe 
and supple body. .. . 

Well. For three years, all that was 
merely a pale fantasy. Not even a con- 
summation devoutly to be wished— 
now. who said that? No matter—it was 
more of a daydream while the comput- 
er's down. 

From black to autumnal colors to а 
more normal range. A good-looking 
woman, friendly, rich, but never at the 
forefront of my mind unless she was ac- 
tually in my presence, across the desk. 
And now it has all changed. 

Mrs. Morwell was in my office once 
more, hearing mostly bad news, I'm 
afraid, and in an effort to distract her 
from the grimness of the occasion, 1 
made some light remark, “There are 
better things we could do than sit here 
with all these depressing numbers. 
Something like that; and she said, in a 
kind of swollen voice I'd never heard 
before, “There certainly are.” 

I looked at her, surprised, and she 
was arching her back, stretching like a 
cat. 1 said, "Mrs. Morwell, you're giv- 
ing me ideas.” 

She smiled. "Which ideas are those?" 
she asked, and 40 minutes later we 
were in her bed in her apartment оп 
Sutton Place. 

Aaah. Extended widowhood had 
certainly sharpened her palate. What 
an alternoon. Between times, she put 
together a cold snack of salmon and 
champagne while I roved naked 
through the sunny golden rooms, deli- 
cately furnished with antiques. What a 
view she had, out over the East River. 
To live such a life. . . . 


Well. Not until y ule glitch in the 
economy corrects itself. 

"Champagne?" 

I turned and her body w: 
ful as the bubbly. Smiling, she handed 
me a glass and said, “Гуе never had 
such a wonderful afternoon in my en- 
tire lile." 

We drank to that. 

. 

We were married, my golden stock- 
broker and 1, seven weeks after I first 
took him to bed. Not quite a whirlwind 
romance, but close. Of course, I had to 
meet his parents, just the once, a chore 
we all handled reasonably well 

We honeymooned in Caneel Bay and 
had such a lovely time we stayed an ex- 
tra week. Bri was so attentive, so 
charming, so—how shall I put 12— 
ever ready. And he got along amazing- 
ly well with the natives; they were eat- 
ing out of his hand. In no time at all, he 
was joking on a first-name basis with 
half a dozen fellows 1 would have 
thought of as nothing more than dan- 
gerous layabouts, but Bruce could find 
a way to put almost anyone at case. 
(Once or twice, onc of these fellows 
even came to chat with Bruce at the 
cottage. I know he lent one of them 
money—it was changing hands as 1 
glanced out the louvered window— 
and I'm sure he never even anticipated 
repayment.) 

1 found myself, in those first weeks, 
growing actually fond of Bruce. What 
an unexpected bonus! And my warm 
feeling toward this new husband only 
increased when, on our return to New 
York, he insisted on continuing with 
his job at Rendall/LeBeau. “I won't 
sponge on you,” he said, so firm and 
manly that I dropped to my knees that 
instant. Such a contrast with my previ 
ous marital experience! 

Still, romance isn't everything. One 
must live as well; or, that is, some must 
live. And so, in the second week after 
our return, 1 taxied downtown for a 
discussion with Oliver Swerdluff, my 
new ii ance agent. (New since Rob- 
ert’s demise, I mean.) "Congratula- 
tions on your new mı 
Kimball,” he said, this red- 
man who was so transparently delight- 
ed with himself for having remem- 
bered my new name. 

“Thank you, Mr. Swerdlulf." 
my scat across the desk from hin 
new situation, of course,” 1 pointed 
out, "will require some changes in my 
insurance package. 

“Certainly, certainly 

"Bruce is now co-owner of the apa 
ment in the city and the house on Long 
Island." 

He looked impressed. "Very gener- 
ous of you, Mrs., uh, Kimball." 

(continued on page 154) 


beauti- 


3 
Š 


ndchildren.” 


“T never realized how badly your folks wanted gran 


RACHEL, RACHEL 


PHOTO GR AP WY BY SAN TE DORAZI O 


we've been wondering: what's it really like to be a supermodel? 


text by GLENN O'BRIEN 


HISCAN BE tough for manly men, but just for a second, try to imagine that you 
make a living by being one of the most beautiful women in the world. You 
have blonde hair and green eyes and you're considerably taller than most of 
the men you meet. Probably even stronger than they are. Billions of images of 
you are scattered around the world. You're the center of attention whether you're 
modeling on a runway, attending a party, walking down the street or buying lug 
nuts at the hardware store. Everyone has ideas about you before you open your 
mouth. Everyone treats you differently. Men ogle, women whisper. Being beautiful 
is no piece of cake. Rachel Williams doesn't want all that attention. She really is sick 


of tropical islands. She doesn’t care if she ever goes to another perfect beach. 


he doesn't like to talk about being a model or the dumb things some models like to talk about. She's world-famous 
and she hasn't even decided what she wants to be when she grows up—but she does have some ideas. The only thing 
Rachel really likes about being a famous model is that now she has enough money to hire architect Tod Williams, her dad, 
to build her a house in L.A. Now she can have a father-client relationship and finally give the old man orders. Rachel 
Williams might be the only model in the world who doesn't want to be an actress. She really doesn't. She wants to direct 
Usually, models become actresses and then want to direct. Rachel wants to skip the middle step. She'll probably make a 
good director. She'll probably be able to 
get her cast and crew to do anything she 
asks. She has a certain quiet authority 
about her. The name Rachel is Hebrew 
for "ewe, emblem of gentleness," and the 
name William is German for "helmet of 
resolution." So Rachel Williams is a pretty 
good name for this resolute supervixen 
She is calm, polite and obliging, bur 
she's not somebody to trifle with lest ye 


be trifled. Rachel is serious, but she's 


funny in a serious way. 


he knows what she likes and she knows what she wants and, odds are, she'll get what she wants. What does she want? 
What does she like? Rachel Williams is a morning person. She likes to get up at seven and breakfast on granola and fruit. 
Her favorite fruit is cherries. She takes a lot of sugar in her coffee. Although she lives outside L.A., Rachel's favorite city is 
New York. She's also keen on Iceland because of its cool beauty. The best vacation she ever took was dorying down the 
Colorado River with the whole Williams clan last summer. The best date she ever went on was a drive from L.A. to Sono- 
ma. Her favorite car to drive is a muscle car, Rachel likes money. Her favorite kind of money is the English pound coin 
that they don't make anymore. Rachel 
doesn’t own а purse; she keeps things in 
her pockets. The only things in her re- 
frigerator, she claims, are organs ready 
for transplant and a few bottles of Diet 
Squirt and Glacier water. Rachel's fa- 
vorite way to dress is casual, chic and un- 
derstated. She likes to wear Armani 
pants. Her favorite suit is her birthday 
suit. Her favorite kind of men’s under- 
wear is edible. Her favorite pants belong 


to her man. Rachel doesn’t like hats. Her 


favorite (text concluded on page 140) 


EIA p- Ы 
WITH 
Kas t Ш 


THE QUESTION OF WHO KILLED 
J.F.K—AND WHY—REMAINS 
А VIVID SCAR IN OUR HISTORY. 
JIM GARRISON, THE NEW ORLEANS 
DISTRICT ATTORNEY WHO 
PROSECUTED THE CONSPIRACY 


AND COVER-UP, TAKES US 
THROUGH THE LATEST 
THINKING ABOUT THE 

PLAYERS AND THE EVENTS 
THAT STILL HAUNT 
US AFTER 30 YEARS 


MS THE ШШШ 
CONSPIRACY 
THAT WON'T GO 
ИШ AWAY ИШ 


article By CARL OGLESBY 


WE ARE IN a screening room atop the Westin Hotel 
in New Orleans. It is July 1991 and Oliver Stone 
is in town filming /FK, his latest assault on estab- 
lishment sensibilities, a movie with the premise 
that we do not yet know the truth about the assas- 
sination of President John F. Kennedy in Dallas 
on November 22, 1963. 

Stone has already filmed the Dallas scenes. He 
has brought his company to New Orleans because 
JFK is based on the work of Jim Garrison, a young 
and aggressive district attorney at the time of the 
J-EK. murder. The lights dim and an image flick- 
ers to life on the screen. The clapper board reads 
JFK, SCENE 30. We are in a cell in the Dallas County 
Jail. It is June 1964, seven months after Dealey 
Plaza. 

The prisoner is Jack Ruby, a stocky, nervous 


Each of the men pictured here harbared powerful reo- 
sons to oppose, even to hate John F Kennedy. They 
are, from left, standing, Allen Dulles, Fidel Castro, 
Nikito Khrushchev, Lee Harvey Oswold, Sam Giancana 
and Lyndon Johnson. The enduring question is wheth- 
er or not any of them had o hand in his assossination. 


ILLUSTRATION BY JOHN THOMPSON 


75 


middle-aged man whom the 
whole world watched murder 
accused J.ER. assassin Lee 
Harvey Oswald on live TV two 
days after Oswald's arrest. Fac- 
ing Ruby across a table, erect 


CONSPIRACY? 


dosely on the heavy, solemn 
figure of Warren and, for a 
moment, it almost is Warren, 
the right age, the right look of 


stolid pride. 
But the figure isn’t Warren at 
all, of course. 
I's Jim Gar- 


rison. Not 


GARRISON: DOGGED D.A. 


Retired Louisiana judge 
Jim Garisan is the only 
prosecutor to bring а 
JFK. assassination case 
ta court. Althaugh he last 


Kevin Cost- the case, he did canvince 
ack Ruby's murder of Oswald was dE Te Tec de ansa 
basic to the LEK. cover-up. Despite plays the ee eU 
Ruby's ties ta the Mafia and his гоп. part of Gar- | \ that J.EK.‘s death was, in 
tic hints of conspiracy, the Warren rison in the y) y fact, a coup. In part be- 
Cammission insisted an treating him film. but AOW; 2 cause of his wark, the 


as anather lane nut, like Oswald. Garrison 


himself, the 
real Garri- 
son, all six and a half feet of 
him. No soul in all creation 
stands more opposed to War- 
ren on the question of what 


Warren Commission's theory that Lee Harvey Os- 


wald was the lane assassin was quickly discredited. 
Garrison's 1967 belief that Oswald was set up by 
renegade elements of U.S. intelligence has emerged 
as the theory favored by mast current investigatars. 


and somber in a black suit, sits 
Earl Warren, Chief Justice of 
the Supreme Court and the re- 
luctant chairman of the Report 
of the Presidents Commission 
on the Assassination of Presi- 
dent John F. Kennedy. 

It is a tense moment. Ruby 
has insisted on testifying even 
though no one wants him to, 
least of all Warren himself. “Do 
you understand that I cannot 
tell the truth here in Dallas?” 
Ruby says. “That there are 
people here who do not want 
me to tell the truth?” 

But Warren says only, “Mr. 
Ruby, I really can’t see why you 
can't tell us now." 

Ruby’s desperation is palpa- 
ble. “If I am eliminated," he 
says, "there won't be any way 
of knowing." He waits for a re- 
action, but Warren seems a 
genius at not getting on Ruby's 
wave length. He does not ask, 
"Knowing what?" 

Finally exasperated, Ruby 
blurts it out: "A whole new 
form of government is going to 
take over our country," he says, 
"and I know I won't live to see 
you another time. My life is in 
danger here. Do I sound 
screwy?" 

And Warren's voice res- 
onates in its most mournful 
basso, the words lingered over, 
tasted, given all their weight: 
“Well, I don't know what can 
be done, Mr. Ruby. Be- 
cause I don't know 
what you anticipate we 
will encounter.” Now 
the camera 
turns more 


The biggest puzzle: Clockwise from upper left: Richard Nixan left Dallas a few hours be- 
fore JEK. was shot. A Dallas newspaper that doy quoted him as speculating that LEK. 
might drop L.B.J. from the 1964 ticket. New Orleans Mafia boss Carlos Marcello despised 
and feared J.EK. and his brother Robert, the Attorney General. Clay Shaw defeated Jim 
Garrison's attempt to expose him as a CIA agent but five years later was identified as 
such by CIA official Victor Marchetti. David Ferrie, an associate of Marcello's, was also 
an agent of the CIA involved in anti-Castro plots. Ferrie was often seen with Oswald in 
New Orleans in the summer of 1963, when Oswald gave the appearance of being pro- 
Castro. CIA Director Richard Helms was chief of operations in 1960 when the CIA ex- 
plored the possibility of hiring Mafia hitmen to kill Castro. H. L. Hunt, the powerful and 
reactionary oil man, believed that J.EK. was а traitor, a view common in Dallas in 1963. 


happened in Dallas than does 
Garrison, the embattled nay- 
sayer of New Orleans, who was 
one of the first to hold that 
J.EK. was felled by conspiracy, 
that the same conspiracy acted 
through Ruby to kill Oswald 
and thus prevent a trial, and 
that the commission to which 
Warren gave his name was the 
front line of the most serious 
cover-up in American history. 


“Warren must have spun FED EGERIT ale 
madly in his grave," mused a ^ 
Garrison tic nest раван ав ин setback in KGB trust 
we talked about this scene. “I к E a pecie боа out 
can only hope the afterlife has someright- | makethehit | Crisis the USSR. 
sharpened his taste for irony." risk war to 

Yet Stone was not just in- promote 
dulging his own taste for irony н 1817 
іп casting Garrison in this role. with the 
“Between adversaries,” Stone USSR. 
told me, “there can sometimes 
be great respect.” Had Stone Jack Ander- Castro Retaliation for | Castrothreat- | Castro liked 
not seen in Garrison that re- son, mafioso | recruited CIA- Mafia. ened that CIA | LEK., disliked 
spect for the adversary, his John Roselli, | Oswaldto hit | attemptsto attempts on | LBJ., had no 
casting move could easily have US. Ambas- | LEK. assassinate his life might | access to Os- 
backfired. Let Garrison's por- sudor to Mexi- Castro “boomerang” | wald, faced 
trayal of Warren seem the least co Thomas destruction if 
bit vindictive and the entire Hann caught 
movie could come out looking lf 
like a cheap shot. 

Garrison leaned forward 
with delight. “I'll swear I never Assassina- Mafia recruits | StoplfK's Many Майа Mafia had hit 
said it,” he remarked in his soft fünsCommit- | Oswald, DNE pu^ ar 
New: cani дузы abut tee, G. Robert | maybe alsoa | campaign aganstiFK. | expert than 
think it was a minor stroke of second "ni" ris ema quatn 
genius for Oliver to offer me ҮЛЕ S ha 
this role. The great thing about pude m 
it is that the screenplay uses E per 
Warren's words. And the more " 
I studied them, the more I 
could see that Warren had de- 
EUM B ccc ещ Jin Garisan, | Disaftected | Lt wassuft | Explains fail | Cannot be 
himself completely. Although Fletcher V.S. agents on commu- ure of official proved until 
I've never forgiven Warren for Prouty, Mark formed cabal, nism, had lost investigation, government is 
what he did, he was a basically Lane, Robert setup Oswald, | Cuba, was frame-up ot wiling to risk 
warm human being. You could Groden, David planted clues losing and Oswald its own legiti- 
tell he felt sorry for Ruby even Lifton, Jim pointing to threatening to macy 
as he evaded him. And in that Marrs and Cuta, pull out of 
final line, he told him more Peter Dale USSR, Vietnam 
than he intended to. He con- Scott Mafia 

==) 


fessed his own weakness." 
His smile brightened. "And I 


think I was just the actor to 
bring this out. If Warren could 
see it, I think he'd smile. 

. 


Garrison's 
Warren seems a perfect sum- 
mation of a career that has 


enactment of 


The alleged murder weapon wos 
an eorly-Forties-vintage 6.5mm 
Mannlicher-Carcano, with a stiff 
belt action end a misaligned 
sight. Many experts tested it, 
but no one could duplicate the 
feat that Warren had im- 

puted to 


WHERE WAS THE FBI? 


n November 17, 1963, the FBI was 
warned that JÊK. would be mur- 
dered in Dallas. Eorly on November 
24, it was warned that Oswald 


wauld be murdered that moming. 
Yet the House Assassinatians Com- 


mittee found that “canspiracy was a blind spat 
in the FBI's investigation,” and that the FBI's 
wark, in this respect, was “seriously flawed.” 


Oswald, 
who was an indifferent marks- 
man while in the Marines. 


PLAYBOY 


78 


been to an uncommon degree shaped 
by irony, by a relationship with the 
mass media predicated on equal parts 
of mutual need and rejection. JFK is 
based on Garrison's 1988 memoir, On 
the Trail of the Assassins. This in itself is 
satisfying to Garrison, now a retired 
Louisiana appeals-court judge. He 
finds it satisfying to see himself por- 
trayed by an actor as convincing and 
warm as Kevin Costner in a movie di- 
rected with the artistry and drive of 
Oliver Stone. 

But the mere news that Stone was 
making this movie was enough to 
reawaken the media furies that have 
bedeviled Garrison since he first joined 
the great hunt for the J.F.K. conspiracy 
in 1966. 

As early as last May, when Stone had 
barely begun production, Chicago Trib- 
une columnist Jon Margolis angrily as- 
sured his readers that JFK was going to 
be not just a bad movie but an evil one, 
"morally repugnant" because it sympa- 
thetically treated Carrison's "fantasies" 
that a conspiracy was responsible for 
the Ј.ЕК. assassination and that feder- 
al agents were probably involved. 
George Lardner of The Washington Post 
entered the fray with two long diatribes 
in which he grudgingly admitted that 
“a probable conspiracy took place,” 
while insisting that this was "not an ac- 
knowledgment that Garrison's investi- 
gation was anything but a fraud." Then 
came Time magazine to dismiss Garri- 
son аз somewhere "near the far-out 
fringe of conspiracy theorists." 

A man less confident of his vision 
may have been shaken, but Garrison 
long since has become inured. “Being 
attacked with such vehemence from so 
many sides and for such a variety of 
reasons, I admit, is not conclusive 
proof that one is right," he says with а 
smile and a shrug. "But surely it goes a 
long way.” 

° 

The controversy that rages around 
Garrison is set against the fact that he 
started out so all-American. He was 
born in 1921 in Denison, Iowa, to a 
family of tall lawyers that soon moved 
to New Orleans. At the age of 19, in 
1940, he joined the U.S. Army and, in 
1942, was commissioned as a lieu- 
tenant in the field artillery. He volun- 
teered for flight training and spent the 
war on the European front flying light 
airplanes on low-level and often-dan- 
gerous spotter missions. He saw com- 
bat in France and Germany and was 
present at the liberation of Dachau. 

He came back to New Orleans, 
earned his law degree at Tulane and 
joined the FBI, which sent him to Seat- 
tle to check out the loyalty of defense 
employees, a job he soon found “great- 
ly boring.” He left the FBI and re- 


turned to New Orleans to go into pri- 
vate practice as a trial lawyer. Then he 
went to work in the district attorney's 
office. He ran for 2 judgeship in 1960 
and lost, but then, in 1961, quarreled 
publicly with Mayor Victor Schiro— 
whom he accused of “laxity in law 
enforcement"—and District Attorney 
Richard Dowling, whom he called "the 
great emancipator" because he "lets ev- 
eryone go free.” 

This was the first burst of controver- 
sy in his career and it immediately pro- 
pelled him to a higher orbit. He 
campaigned for D.A. in 1961, without 
the backing of the Democratic Party 
and without a big war chest. But he 
had the strong support of both blacks 
and blue-collar whites, 2 unique coali- 
tion in the South of the early Sixties. 
“To my surprise and to the astonish- 
ment of many others,” he says, “I was 
elected.” 

He moved immediately to make 
good on his election promises. “IF this 
entailed raising the level of confronta- 
tion,” he recalls, “my attitude was, well, 
let the good times roll.” He clamped 
down on organized gambling and 
prostitution, made Bourbon Street safe 
for tourists, challenged police corrup- 
tion and criticized eight criminal-court 
judges for refusing to approve funds 
for his fight against racketeering. The 
judges sued him for defamation of 
character and won a judgment of 
$1000; but he appealed, arguing that 
elected judges were not exempt from 
public criticism. He won a reversal. 

Jim Garrison was on the map. 


E 

So was Fidel Castro. 

Castro overthrew Cuban dictator 
General Fulgencio Batista and took 
power in 1959. He announced a com- 
munist program. Cubans opposed to 
his government began flocking to Mi- 
ami and New Orleans. Many of them 
formed counterrevolutionary organi- 
zations with such names as Alpha-66, 
the Cuban Revolutionary Council, 
Free Cuba, the Cuban Expeditionary 
Force and the Cuban Brigade. All were 
sponsored by the CIA. 

Their aim was to reverse Castro's 
revolution. This was the objective of 
their major military assault, Operation 
Zapata, organized by the CIA and the 
U.S. military. The world came to know 
Operation Zapata better as the Bay of 
Pigs fiasco of April 1961. This attempt- 
ed invasion failed to inspire the mass 
uprising that was its major strategic 
premise. The Zapata guerrillas were 
pinned down on their beachheads 
without a chance to declare a provi- 
sional government. Instead of sending 
in U.S. military support, [.ЕК. opted 
to cut his losses, standing by as the in- 
vasion force was captured and paying a 


humiliating ransom to rescue the pris- 
oners. An angry self-pity soon gripped 
the anti-Castro militants and their U.S. 
supporters. They blamed Operation 
Zapata's failure on Kennedy. He had 
put them on the beach, then fled. 

Then Ј.ЕК. betrayed them again, as 
they saw it, in October 1962, when a 
spy plane revealed Soviet missile bases 
under construction in Cuba. In the 
year and a half since the Bay of Pigs, 
the CIA had helped the exiles stage a 
series of commando raids against a va- 
riety of Cuban targets. But in the secret 
deal that ended the Cuban Missile Cri- 
sis with the dismantling of the Soviet 
bases, [.ЕК. promised that this activity 
would end. 

This arrangement deeply affected an 
ultra-right-wing acquaintance of Garri- 
son's named W. Guy Banister, a key 
player in the anti-Castro games of New 
Orleans. Banister served in the office of 
Naval Intelligence during World War 
Two and after the war joined the FBI, 
rising to head its Chicago bureau. Не 
left the FBI to become deputy chief of 
police in New Orleans, then resigned 
in 1957 to set up a private detective 
agency. 

In 1962, at the time of the Cuban 
Missile Crisis, Banister was involved in 
running a CIA training camp for anti- 
Castro Cuban guerrillas on Lake 
Pontchartrain, north of New Orleans. 
Garrison had no idea at the time that 
Banister was involved in this activity. 
But he did know that Banister was not 
just another gumshoe for hire. 

Guy Banister Associates, Inc., hung 
out its shingle, according to Garrison, 
“across the street from the building 
that housed the local offices of the CIA 
and the FBI. And across from that 
building was the New Orleans head- 
quarters of Operation Mongoose.” Op- 
eration Mongoose was an array of 
anti-Castro projects being run by the 
CIA, the Defense Department and the 
State Department under the coordina- 
tion of Air Force Major General Ed- 
ward G. Lansdale. Its CIA component, 
called Task Force W, was dedicated to 
the assassination of Castro. Its deepest 
secret was the fact that the CIA had 
contracted out his murder to the 
Mafia. Its headquarters was the meet- 
ing place for Cuban exiles coming in 
from Florida. "They were sleeping in 
the hallways," says Garrison. 

Banister's key associate in these anti- 
Castro operations was a peculiar man 
named David Ferrie. Ferrie was an ace 
pilot, a kitchen-sink scientist, an om- 
nivorous reader in the occult, a well- 
known denizen of the New Orleans gay 
scene, a militant activist against Castro 
and a great hater of J.F.K. His on-the- 
job homosexual activities had cost him 

(continued on page 145) 


A‏ و 
Ж 2, EA‏ 
АР‏ 2 
A 7‏ 172 
Li, 2А‏ 


“First, let me put your mind at ease about that being a hallucination. 


SECOND 
Zar 
NON E 


new menswear collections 
from top designers offer 
plenty of cachet for 
a lot less cash 


foshion By HOLLIS WAYNE 


AYBE the megabuck fash- 
ion excesses of the Eight- 
ies have worn a bit thin: 


Lower-priced collections by major 
American and European menswear 
designers are getting the kind of at- 
tention once reserved exclusively 
for top offerings. The same $2200 
that gets you a Giorgio Armani Bor- 
gonuovo suit, for example, buys 
three models from his Em- 
porio Armani collection—and very 
handsome they are. There are also 
second collections from Jhane 
Barnes (Barnes Storm), Joseph Ab- 
boud (JA 11), Gianni Versace (V2 by 
Versace), Nino Cerruti (Informale) 
and others. All maintain the looks 
and quality of their higher-priced 
alternatives—and several lines even 
share common colors, so it's possi- 
ble to mix. You can bank on that. 


“Men are what they wear, but whet they 
wear shouldn't averpower the mon 
himself,” says Joseph Abboud, who cre- 
ated his new JA II line with that philoso- 
phy in mind. At left is his wool/linen 
sports caot, $495, linen trousers, $150, 
chambray sport shirt, $68, and silk tie, 
about $55; plus suede lacfers, by 
Fratelli Rossetti, $350. Gianni Versace's 
avant-garde styling is still evident in his 
new V2 by Versace line of tailored 
clothing, but he's becaming mare can- 
servative. The outfit ot right includes a 
wool glen-plaid suit, $785, a cotton 
shirt, $75, ond a scorf-print silk tie, 
about $90. The leather lace-up shaes 
are by Fratelli Rossetti, about $360. 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY RICHARD BAILEY 


In addition to his original 
Borgonuovo line, Giorgio 
Armani hos introduced Le 
Collezioni, Emporio Ar- 
mani and Armani Jeans— 
now to be showcased in 
A/X: Armani Exchange 
stores. Armani Jeans fea- 
tures casual clothing that's 
often priced under $100. 
The selection at left i 
cludes с hooded cotton an- 
orak with hidden zipper, 
fireman's coat closures 
and flap chest pockets, 
$385, worn with a cotton 
antique-striped shirt, $85, 
and cotton trousers, about 
$90. And who says you 
can't get a designer suit 
for under $500? Andrew 
Fezza has priced most of 
the models in his Assets by 
Andrew Fezza collection 
below that mark, Among 
them is the rayon/viscose 
suit at right, $495, worn 
with a snap-collared dress 
shirt, $55, and a silk tie, 
$65, both by Andrew Fezza. 


Two made-in-the-U.S.A. 


labels, KM by Krizia and 
Nino Cerruti Informale, 
feature suits and sports 
coats with the kind of soft, 
easy construction you'd ex- 
pect from Europe. The dry 
guy at far left is sporting 
a worsted-wool double- 
breasted blazer, $385, and 
wool trousers, $150, both 
from KM by Krizia; a cotton 
shirt, by Baccarat for Van 
Heusen, $30; and a Jac- 
quard silk tie, by Lazo, 
565. His pal is wearing a 
microfiber single-breasted 
suit, by Nino Cerruti In- 
formale, $400; with a 
washed-linen shirt, by 
Mondo di Marco, $130. At 
right, Jhane Barnes goes 
casual with Barnes Storm, 
а sportswear line that in- 
cludes this washed-linen 
jacket, $205, cotton knit 
hooded jacket, $85, cot- 
ton/microfiber Jacquard 
sweater, $145, and cot- 
ton twill trousers, $68. 
Where & How 
fo Buy on page 159. 


BY LORI MODUGNO FOR LEWIS VAN ARNAM 


HAIR BY ROLANDO BEAUCHAMP JR., FOR BUMBLE + BUMBLE/MAKE:UP BY HELENE MACAULAY 
SST 


we 


86 


T 
ROMAN 
HOLIDAY 


the world's most 
neurotic comedian vists ital, 
where he rung from the 


pope, wrestles with scan young 
and has the best sex of his 


with a lesbian 
NAO 


HERES THE SCENE: The Gulf war just broke out 
and I'm in my house looking for condoms and 
packing for a three-month trip to Rome and 
Monaco to co-star with Sean Young in a film, 
Once Upon a Crime. Aside from abandoning my 
therapist (who will undoubtedly miss my ses- 
sions, particularly when I sing like Jolson), I'm 
Icaving behind some of the most narcissistic, 
selfinvolved, controlling, manipulative, pos- 
sessive, jealous, unappreciative, beautiful, se- 
ductive, magnificent women I have ever had 
the pleasure of dating. 

Besides the thrill of leaving these abusive re- 
lationships in the dust, it will be the first time 
in 20 years that I won't have to do stand-up 
comedy and be lied to by some bogus promot- 
er, like the time this guy—oh, I'll just call him 
Irv—said I was the one who misunderstood 
when he booked me into what I thought was a 
famed concert hall in Denver, which, in fact, 
turned out to be a dangerous mental-health 
facility where the patients were shouting out, 


article by RICHARD LEWIS 


ILLUSTRATION BY BLAIR DRAWSON 


PLAYBOY 


88 


"Where's Silas Marner?” and "Are 
Steve and Eydie one person?" The 
show went all right and I got paid (by a 
guy dressed like Captain Hook), and 
though I'd be the first to admit that I'm 
no genius, the pain of watching the au- 
dience, with their backs turned to me, 
making Pia Zadora dolls out of imagi- 
nary cloth took most of the spark out of 
my performance. 

In truth, I’m also no genius when it 
comes to selecting the right woman, so 
I feel a little guilty about bad-mouthing 
these Satanettes. To be honest, I might 
have misled some of these women. be- 
cause as unwilling, or rather, incapable, 
as they are to commit to a meaningful 
relationship, I am probably a thousand 
times more freaked, even with a great 
lady. One way of distancing myself— 
short of suggesting that I have only 
days to live—is to blurt out, “Did I tell 
you about Eve?" while my lover is (sup- 
posedly) having her climax. Since ther- 
apy has thus far been of no help to me, 
I was longing to disconnect my answer- 
ing machine, get to Italy and work with 
an amazing cast, including one of my 
idols, Giancarlo Ciannini, as well as 
John Candy, Jim Belushi and, of 
course, Sean Young. Unhappily, I was 
torn by my fear of going to Furope 
during a war and by my fear of acting 
with Sean, who has been a victim of 
more bad rumors than Joan Crawford 
and Lee Harvey Oswald combined. 

Sean asked to meet with me at my 
house before we left for Rome. Despite 
all the gossip, which was pouring in 
progressively faster as my departure 
drew closer, I agreed, even buying a 
boule of spectacular champagne and 
getting out my finest glasses for the oc- 
casion. Just as I finished fastening my 
bulletproof vest, the doorbell rang and, 
trying my best to hide the garlic neck- 
lace, I answered the door. There she 
was, the woman who gave Kevin Cost- 
ner the best "limo lay" in film history, 
looking very sane, not in any costume 
and not carrying any suspicious-look- 
ing packages. Although the vest was 
making me sweat and the garlic was 
starting to stink, I gave her the oppor- 
tunity to deny all the hundred thou- 
sand atrocities attributed to her. 

The meeting went well, and she had 
a nice look in her eyes when she 
hugged me goodbye. After she left, 1 
fell to my knees and prayed that the 
Sean I had just experienced was the 
real one and that I wouldn't meet my 
untimely death at the hands of some 
large, mechanical, homicidal rabbi that 
she was already having made to greet 
me upon my arrival at Leonardo da 
Vind International Airport: “R.L.! 
Shalom, dead man!” 

Days later, my excitement swelling, I 
needed to punish myself unnecessarily 


the last few hours at home by monitor- 
ing my answering machine. When 1 
pack for a flight, I automatically think 
that I'm going to die. To be honest, I'm 
stuck with the same unfortunate feel- 
ing moments after I achieve an orgasm, 
but at least after I pack, I have a certain 
sense of accomplishment. 

There's no way I'm going to answer 
the phone tonight. 

Call from hell, number one: 

"Richard. Cleo. Pick up. Shit, I know 
you're there, Lewis. Look, I'm really 
excited for you, but I can't fucking be- 
lieve you don't call me on your last 
night home. How do you expect me to 
feel? Chris! Three months is a long 
time. I haven't bugged you, have I? 
And I'm not doing well, in case you 
haven't heard. [Author's note: Like I re- 
ally subscribe to the Struggling Actress 
Today newsletter.] My landlord's on my 
ass and, by the way, 1 fell on my ass in 
dance class and my brakes won't work 
unless I scream at the pedal. But who 
can afford to fix them? Call me." 

There were about ninety other calls, 
most of them from angry women. So, 
in a way, this lengthy trip was my first 
chance to be alone. The only goodbye 
call 1 made other than to a few close 
friends was to my lawyer. He insisted 1 
bang cut a will and talked me out of 
leaving a substantial amount of bread 
to bullies from my adolescence whom I 
periodically try to contact as self-pun- 
ishment for not having safe sex. 


О 

The next дау, І found myself on Ali- 
talia, in first class, all alone and full of 
fears, dreams, expectations and seda- 
tives. Being extremely nervous, I trust- 
ed a doctor friend who gave me the 
pills, but since she knows me so well, 
she also slipped me an article from 
some medical journal about the pill 
and its side effects. Fortunately, short of 
one rat out of a million that appeared 
less interested in eating cheese and 
more inclined to persuade the other 
Tats to invest in a comedy club in a 
mall-like setting, the pill seemed safe 
enough. On that pleasant note, I, and 
only I, thank God, crashed. 

“Welcome to Rome.” 

Wow, what a pill. What a sleep! 
Crazily groggy, 1 was ushered off the 
plane by a beautiful flight attendant. 
and sort of collapsed into the arms of 
someone who worked for the produc- 
tion company of Once Upon a Crime. Y 
passed out in the back scat of a Mer- 
cedes-Benz, rousing myself when we 
arrived at the Hotel de la Ville, adja- 
cent to the Spanish Steps. After I mum- 
bled something to the driver—"If you 
ever get to America and happen to 
make it to Vegas, I'll try and get you in 
to see Siegfried and Roy, but trust me, 
it's a tough ticket" —my fatigue escalat- 


ed into a dreamlike state with the hor- 
rifying thought that I would become 
like that one rat in a million. 

I can feel overwhelmed even during 
a pleasurable orgasm, so it's no sur- 
prise that the prospect of ten weeks in 
Rome, with a ministop in Monaco, 
made me feel disoriented and anxious, 
based largely on the fear that I'd miss 
one of the major sights that you hear 
about from some obnoxious assholc 
tourist: "You mean, you didn't see that 
little church next to the bar near the 
oldest synagogue where the Three 
Kings show up live and sing Tuesdays 
on open-mike night?" 

So, with my paranoia of missing the 
boat, I began what was to become a rit- 
ual of walking all over Rome on my 
days off—guidebooks in hand and gi- 
gantic, unruly maps sticking out from 
my pockets—fearing that I might be 
standing at the place where Julius Cae- 
sar lost his virginity and not just in 
front of the new McDonald's. As luck 
would have it, I was a bit distracted on 
my first jaunt. On the way out of the 
hotel, I received a fax from a buddy, 
Mick Shaw. 

Mick, unfortunately, as nice a guy as 
he is, is also lonely, dependent on me 
for practically every contact to the out- 
side world and could give a rat's ass 
about art history. However, since he 
was going to be 50 soon, he felt desper- 
ate and had all this time on his boring 
hands because he successfully runs 
some strange mail-order business from 
his house in the Hollywood Hills. I 
have to give him some credit for being 
a fine photographer. He took shots of 
the HOLLYWOOD sign at different times 
of the day, and when I made compar- 
isons to Monet's series of paintings of 
Rouen Cathedral, he blinked momen- 
tarily and said, “What do you say we 
order a few pizzas, huh, buddy?" That 
gives you a little clue about his capacity 
for discussing art. It's only women he 
wants, naked women who want him, 
and since he never leaves his house 
(except to walk his beautiful collie, 
Postage, which he so cruelly had fixed 
afier realizing she had a better social 
life than he did), he felt it was high time 
to become less of a recluse and visit me 
while I was working on the film. 

Don't get me wrong, the guy would 
give me the shirt off his back (though it. 
most probably would be one of mine 
that he had begged for), but this was 
supposed to be my Roman holiday, and 
I was haunted by the thought of his 
becoming a blithering idiot in front of 
celebrities or, God forbid, doing some- 
thing to set off Sean. Anyway, don’t I 
have a responsibility for being good to 
myself, without feeling like I always 
have to be the nice guy? Damn right! 

(continued on page 140) 


“Well, i ded о keep her, ште going to о have to 
- md take care о) dw т yourself." 


90 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY STEPHEN WAYDA 


Fravels wi Janya 


our highflying miss february 
wings her way to success 


y THE TIME she was old enough to vote, Tanya Beyer 

took the kind of risk few people ever take. She decided 

to test her looks—and her luck—against the world's 

toughest competition. She'd been modeling for only 
one year—as star client at a small agency in Colorado—but she 
headed for even higher altitudes, professionally speaking: to the 
rarefied atmosphere of the international modeling world. Unlike 
many of the aspirants she met, Tanya liked the work. “I always 
wanted to be a model,” she says unapologetically. “People make 
fun of models, like they have to be stupid. 1 don’t get that. You 
make decent money, you get to see the world—thar's stupid?" Hard 
to argue with that. In just 18 months, Tanya's career choice took 
her to Italy, Greece, Taiwan and Japan—all before she was old 
enough legally to buy herself a celebratory glass of champagne 


back at home in Colorado. 
These days, top models spe- 
cialize. Does Tanya have a 
particular "look"? She laughs. 
"Sure, happy-smiley-face, 

-athletic.” There were 
modeling jobs, especially in 
Europe, that she didn't get 

- "I wasn't skinny and 

looking enough.” Her 
wholesomeness is more than 
just skin-deep. The second of 

ised in Co 

orado Springs, Tanya blasted 
through a sporty youth filled 
with skiing, gymnastics, track 
and field and cheerleading. 
She was William Mitchell 
High Schools homecoming 
queen in 1989 and, as she re 
calls, “one of the last virgins in 
my senior class.” She explains, 
with a mysterious smile, “I 
was always real shy in those 
situations.” A good student, 
Tanya was active in sports and 
a member of the pompon 
squad. She graduated a 
semester ahead of schedule 
and headed to Milan with 
$800 in her pocket and a mea- 
ger two pictures in her model- 
ing Within a week, she 
was encased in a slinky blue 
leotard, posing for an exercise 


article in an Italian magazine 
Bodywork, as they call it in 
the trade, has been Tanya's 
bread and butter—quite a 
turnaround for the shy 
beauty from Mitchell High 


The future's wide open for 20- 
year-old Tanya. “I don’t have a 
specific goal. I'm not planning 
1 don't know if I want to get 
married. | don't know if | want 
to have kids. | want adventure.” 


Between modeling jobs last fall, Tanya scheduled o longer-than-usual layover in Los Angeles, where, with the help of a 
record producer, she worked on a single. "Give in to my lovin’," she sang. "Give in to me." The man who coptures the heart 
96 ofthis siren will be "smart, funny, ambitious, down-to-earth,” she stipulates. Send roses. "He hos to be very romantic." 


NIMH SSIW — 


PLAYMATE DATA SHEET 


BIRTH DATE: m BIRTHPLACE: 


iru rave t cuta hit Si 
a № + 


a 


TURN-OFFS: Emer o o 
Parking tickets , moa; Rain, But ping, — 
[Ы Tall 2 
WHERE I'VE BEEN: ie f R 3 
Athens Taipei tdi 
waar т suu оме onthe Mediterranean, while sand 
beaches, ndhe „о the Vatican the French 


U 


uper I'M GOING: 


a... 
Tere E Bee Ale Te e 


bo nd. Senior year 
Snowbou SE TE 


PLAYBOY'S PARTY JOKES 


When the last of the U.S. airborne forces re- 
turned from the Persian Gulf, the press dam- 
one reporter 


ored for interviews. “Sergean 
said, stopping a young troope 
first thing you're going to do 
home: 

“That's a very personal question," snapped 
the soldier. “I'm a married man and I've been 
away from my wife for eight months.” 

“I understand,” the reporter replied. “So 
what's the second thing you're going to do: 

"Well," the sergeant said, “I guess I'll take off. 
my parachute.” 


s the 
en you get 


What do you call the shock absorbers in a 
y 
Yugo? Passengers. 


Boris Yeltsin burst into Mikhail Gorbachev's 
Kremlin office. “Mikhail, 1 have incredible 
news and bad news!” 
“What is the incredible news?” Gorbachev 
asked. 
“Lenin's mother is alive!” 
“Unbelievable! What's the bad new: 
“She's pregnant again. 


How do you know when your bank is about to 
fail? When it starts handing out calendars by 
the month. 


An American Sherlock Holmes aficionado at- 
tending a party in London was intrigued when 
told that one of the guests, a Dr. Hemsley, was 
able to make remarkable Holmesian deductions 
about people. After introducing himself to the 
doctor, he pointed to a man in the corner and 
asked Hemsley what he could tell about him. 

"Hmmm. Well, I believe he is a barrister. 
Lives with his vife and two children in Soho. 
He's had some financial difficulties lately, but 
things should ease up and he will buy a Bent- 
ley in a month's time.” 

"Amazing," the American said. "What about 
that fellow over there?” 

“1 should think he's a stockbroker. He col- 
lects wines and walking sticks, favors Italian 
food and is thinking of traveling to Lancaster 
next week.” 

“Very impressive,” the American said. “But 
what about me?” 

"Let me see,” Hemsley mused. "You are 
from the Midwest Тока or Indiana, 1 should 
think. You are single and you graduated from 
Notre Dame." 

"I'm flabbergasted! How did you know that 
I graduated from Notre Dame?” 

"Because, sir, every time you pick your nose, 
1 can see your ring.” 


What did the banana say to the vibrator? 
"What are you shaking for? I'm the one she's 
going to eat.” 


А Texas oilman died and went to heaven, Aft- 
er a few days, his constant bragging about the 
wonders of Texas began to get on Saint Peter's 
nerves. No matter what part of paradise he was 
shown, the oilman claimed it failed to measure 
up to the Lone Star State. 

Finally, Saint Peter took him to the edge of 

heaven so that he could look down into the in- 
ferno of hell. “Do you have anything like that in 
Texas? int Peter demanded. 
“No, sir, we surely don't have anything like 
that in Texas,” he replied, a bit shaken. “But I 
do know a good ої boy in Houston who could 
put it out.” 


A busy surgeon returned from a two-week 
nting trip complaining angrily to his wife, “1 
didn't kill a damn thing!" 

“Well, darling,” she replied, "that's what you 
get for neglecting your practice. 


А farm boy accidentally overturned his wag- 
onload of corn onto the road. The farmer who 
lived nearby went over to have a look. “Hey, 
Willis,” he called, “ferget yer troubles for a 
spell and have dinner with us. ГЇЇ help you 
with the wagon later.” 
That's mighty nice of you,” Willis said 

1 don't think Pa would like me to. 

"Aw, come on, son!” the farmer insisted. 

“Well, OK," the boy finally agreed. "But Pa 
won't like 

After a hearty meal, Willis chanked his host 
“1 feel a lot better now, but 1 just know Pa will 
be upset.” 

“Nonsense,” the farmer said. “Where is your 
pa, anyway?” 

“Under the wagon.” 


А friend in California reports that the state 
legislature is considering a bill to make it legal 
to shoot mimes. You would, of course, have to 
use a silencer: 


Heard a funny one lately? Send it on а post- 
card, please, to Party Johes Editor, Playboy, 
680 North Lake Shore Drive, Chicago, Illinois 
60611. $100. will be paid lo the contributor 
whose card is selected. Jokes cannot be returned. 


“I don't care what Redbook said—I don't 
want you to make life more playful and romantic! I want 
you to make lasagna.” 


103 


ILLUSTRATION BY MIKE BENNY 


Bugsy Siegel’s 
Fabulous 
DREAM 


he was the mobster 
who invented las vegas, and then 
died on its doorstep 


ISTEN: A cold wind is blowing through the 
desert night. It is blowing from the western 
mountains beyond Las Vegas, blowing across 

the icy waters behind Hoover Dam, blowing down 
blind canyons, combing trees and chaparral. In this 
wind there is nothing of the warm, damp Pacific 
slopes, no verdant green, nosalt off the vast sea. This 
wind is dry and lean and hard. It does not celebrate 
the human. But if you stand back from the neon and 
the traffic, if you find some barren patch beyond the 
action, you might hear the wind whisper the name of 
aman long gone 

Aman named Ben Siegel. 

Aman nobody on earth ever called Bugsy except 
the cops and those tough old fakers who wrote for 
the tabloids. 

In all the places touched by the desert wind, few 
have heard the name of Ben Siegel. In the great casi- 
nos, lit by a billion light bulbs, the tables are jammed 
with conventions of losers: crapshooters in polyester 
suits and old ladies with Dixie cups lumpy with quar- 
ters, tough dolls with rouged cheeks and pale boys 
on the lam from life. They never heard of Ben 
Siegel. Nor have the cowboys playing blackjack, the 
Frenchmen at the baccarat (continued on page 130) 


article 


By Pete Hamill 


IMES ARE CHANGING quickly in the car business. The 1992 model year vill wit- 
ness major shifts in influence. Forget what you think you know about American cars. 
Quality is up, defects are down and fresh styling is again turning heads. Cadillac's el- 
egant new Seville STS, for example, is challenging the Japanese and European lux- 
ury leaders, and Buick's supercharged Park Avenue Ultra and the new Oldsmobile 
Eighty Eight Royale look like winners. Chrysler continues to lead the minivan wars. 
And Dodge's thundering V-10 Viper sports roadster invades a franchise Corvette has 
owned for years. Still, the big news for Chrysler won't come until this fall. Lee Тасос- 
ca has to hope that his company won't bleed to death from discounting before it can 
launch its flashy 1993 LH sedans. European luxury cars are faltering under relent- 

less attacks from the Japanese. Some European brands, such as 


Peugeot and Sterling, have already abandoned the U.S. playing field; 


$ 
Das ru. canas о у da 


Japanese carmakers, despite intense public scrutiny from Americans 


A U Т Q M Q Т | V E who are tired of watching their industry dedine, are responding with 


sull more cleverly designed, attractively priced new models—many ot 


| E P O R Т them built in the U.S. Environmental concern is heating up. Mit- 
subishi and Honda are touting new fuel-efficient, lean-burning en- 


five leading writers team up 


gines. BMW and Volkswagen lead in recycling technology. They 


predict that some cars will be totally recyclable by the end of the 


with indy 500 winner arie decade. Safety is suddenly very fashionable. Air bags and antilock 


lu ye nd y k to pi ck this year 's brakes are available on models in every price range. On the retail 


hottest wheels; plus: front, customer service is in, salesperson indifference is out. We're 
Р [ y bo y Ta 1999 сак watching a revolution, and when the exhaust smoke clears, there will 
a be fewer makes to contest the battle. With all these changes—there 


are currently 60 makes and more than 600 models to choose from— 


article By KEN GROSS Playboy has again assembled a panel of automotive experts (their 


biographies can be found on page 139) to evaluate 1992 cars in a 
variety of categories. And for the second year in a row, as part of our annual new- 
car roundup, we're presenting Playboy's Car of the Year award. The winner is 
pictured overleaf. Gentlemen, start your opinions. . . . Hottest Pocket Rocket 
Under $20,000: Mazda's devilishly quick, egg-shaped MX-3 eased out Nissan's 
NX2000 in the voting. Ken Gross picked the MX-3, commenting that its “head- 
turning looks, high-tech features and Miata-like handling make it a winner in the 


minisupercoupe class.” David Stevens thought that (continued on page 110) 


ILLUSTRATION BY DAVE САМА 


107 


According to Brock Yates, a panelist in this year’s autamotive 
raundup, our Car of the Year, the Lexus SC 400 sparts coupe, is “just 
the beginning of Toyoto's onslaught into the upscale car market.” 


Our second annual Playboy Car of the Year award and accompanying bronze statuette (pictured above right) goes to Lexus, a division 
of Toyota Motar Sales USA, for its sleek SC 400 sports caupe. Why did we select the SC 400 over the Dodge Viper, the Subaru SVX and 
other worthy competitors? Lexus’ willingness to take risks in the design process, for one thing. Created in Toyota's Caly Design Research 
center in Newport Beach, California, the car's body began as a sculpture rather than as a drawing and was transformed into metal with- 
out losing its unique lines. But visual impact is just the start. Beneath its smooth-skinned body, the Lexus’ four-cam V8 is coupled to an 


b AYBOY'S Can OF THE YEAR 


en 


electronic automatic transmission with reworked shift points for a 0-to-60 time under seven seconds. Plus, stiff shocks, beefed-up brakes 
and aggressive tires give it the kind of ride and handling that befits a world-class sports coupe. Playboy's Automotive Editor, Ken Gross, 
says, “Comparisons with the Mercedes-Benz 560 SEC and the BMW B50i are inevitable. You'd expect to pay significantly more for 
a coupe like this if it had originated in Europe." In fact, it should surprise по one that, ct o base price of $37,500, the SC 400 has al- 
ready outdistanced the competition. Lexus’ motto is “the relentless pursuit of perfection." So far, they seem to have that right. 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY RICHARD 201. 


PLAYBO!Y 


10 


the MX-3 had a slight case of “insuffer- 
able cutes" but loved the handling. 
"Buying one without the optional V6 
engine would be like ordering a new 
Rolls-Royce with cloth seats" Len 
Frank hadn't driven an MX-3, but he 
chose it anyway, saying, "Mazda is an 
exception to the stiff-spring-no-damp- 
ing school of Japanese suspension tun- 
ing." Brock Yates preferred the Nissan 
NX2000, calling it "the Saturday-night 
special of automobiles.” John Lamm 
wasn't knocked out by the looks of the 
NX2000, “but the driving fun makes 
up for it.” Arie Luyendyk cast his vote 
for the redesigned Volkswagen Golf, 
saying “its handling and acceleration 
are the equal of some thirty-five-thou- 
sand-dollar cars.” 

Most-Improved Old Model: “Talk 
about Cinderella stories,” said Gross, 
“Mazda's unobtrusive old 929 looked 
like an ugly duckling alongside a Leg- 
end. The new 929 echoes the styling 
cues we've come to expect from Mazda, 
plus it offers technical innovations, 
Such as a solar-powered ventilation sys- 
tem, that everyone will want to copy." 
Frank called the old 929 "the car to 
offend no one. But the new one leaves 
Acura, Lexus, et al. posing far behind." 
Stevens felt the redesigned 929's steer- 
ing was "a bit light for his taste," but 
the over-all remake was superb, "like 
watching your homely sister grow up 
to become Julia Roberts." Lamm liked 
the Pontiac Bonneville SSEi: “This car 
is proof that Pontiac’s alive and kick- 
ing.” Yates voted for the Oldsmobile 
Eighty Eight, saying “nothing here is 
terribly revolutionary, but the Eighty 
Eight is a great leap forward for GM, 
along with Buick's Park Avenue. Con- 
sidering past offerings from Lansing, 
Oldsmobile would win a Nobel Prize if 
one were given for cars.” Luyendyk 
praised the face-lifted Jaguar XJ-S. 
"It's cleaner now, and in white, it looks 
like you're driving royalty." 

Biggest Kick to Drive: "A kick to 
drive" said Yates, "implies a certain 
zany unpredictability that disqualifies 
near-perfect cars like the Acura NSX. 
The Dodge Viper is a runaway—liter- 
ally—winner. It won't save Chrysler, 
but it will scare the piss out of a few 
thousand lucky owners. It’s a pure Ne- 
anderthal that’s more fun than a night 
out with Pee-wee Herman.” After driv- 
ing a Viper prototype, Stevens said, 
“The old saying about there being no 
atheists in foxholes applies to the 
Viper. Take it from zero to one hun- 
dred and back to zero in fourteen sec- 
onds and you'll be praying, too.” Frank 
questioned Viper's development costs: 
“How do you spend fifty million dollars 
developing yestertech?” His choice? A 
GMC Syclone truck, ideally built espe- 
cially for him with an extended cab and 


no body cladding. Luyendyk preferred 
the Corvette ZR-1: “It's a product 
Chevy can be proud of. Handling is 
great, acceleration is good and you 
can't beat the price compared to the 
Italian exotics.” Gross's choice was 
the Lamborghini Diablo, which he felt 
was "a worthy successor to the Coun- 
tach." Lamm picked the Mitsubishi 
3000GT/Dodge Stealth: "This is the re- 
al world-winner, particularly if you find 
yourself on curving roads in nasty 
weather.” 

Best-Handling Car: Stevens liked 
last year’s Playboy Car of the Year, the 
Acura NSX. “If my ex-wife were this 
forgiving,” he said, “we would still be 
married. On second thought, naaaah, 
the NSX is better-looking.” Lamm 
agreed—about the car, at least: “The 
NSX is the state-of-the-art winner with 
precise handling and a decent ride.” 
“For a live-with-it-everyday exotic, you 
can’t beat the NSX," said Gross. “Hop 
in and little voices urge you on to Ayr- 
ton Senna-like driving feats. Porsches 
and Ferraris still have the cachet, but 
the NSX is more drivable and now 
they're even being discounted!” "The 
NSX is an A-plus student here,” added 
Yates, “in a class loaded with good-time 
Charleys sporting gentlemen's Cs.” 
Luyendyk also liked the NSX for 
its high-speed-cornering capability. 
Frank commented that he likes to race, 
and for that, "Corvettes do it better 
than most cars." 

Sexiest Car for Your Girlfriend to 
Buy: Gross said if price is no ob- 
ject, he'd go for the Mercedes-Benz 
500SL—which was also picked Ulti- 
mate Convertible in this feature. "So 
what if it’s expensive? She can drive it 
forever. What woman wouldn't want to 
"wear" the closest thing Europe offers to 
haute couture on wheels?" Yates agreed: 
"If she has any class at all, she'll go for 
the bucks. The Mercedes-Benz 50051. 
drips status like the crown jewels and 
costs only slightly less." Frank also 
chose the 500SL: "Among dozens of 
desirable cars, none carries the polish 
and panache of an SL. What better car 
for anybody's girlfriend?" Lamm's 
choice was the Subaru SVX: "It's my 
girlfriend's stated preference because 
of the design and the way it drives.” 
Luyendyk's only choice was the Jaguar 
XJ-S convertible, especially a white one 
driven by a “tanned, beautiful girl.” 
Stevens picked the Alfa Romeo 1645 
sedan, calling it “а really overlooked 
beautiful piece of machinery that's 
nimble and sexy like Rebecca De Mor- 
nay in mirrored aviator sunglasses, a 
scoop-necked top and tight jeans.” 

Coolest Car for a High School Re- 
“As Zero Mostel said, ‘If you've 
got it, flaunt it”” said Stevens, who 
would go rolling back to his high 


school reunion in a brand new Bentley 
Continental R. “So what if the back seat 
is small? Just don't let your old flame 
poke a hole in all that supple leather 
with her spike heel" Luyendyk 
agreed: “This car is a symbol of success 
and very inviting for your high school 
girlfriend to jump in and reminisce.” 
Gross called the Continental R “a 
British men’s club on wheels that drips 
class. Driving it guarantees your new 
money will look just like old money.” 
Yates opted for the Ferrari Testarossa, 
calling it “a visual home run. Even the 
former president of the chess club 
would know that it's a hot machine." 
Lamm, who grew up in a small farming 
town in Wisconsin, chose а GMC 
Syclone truck, calling it “the pickup of 
1992. I'd probably get a speeding tick- 
et, but then I really would feel like I 
was back in high school again." "Back 
in my home town, Youngstown, Ohio,” 
said Frank, "anyone showing up in an 
import would have been stoned—that 
is, hit with rocks. I'd drive an Avanti, 
the last car manufactured there.” 
Hottest New Feature: “It has to be 
the Mazda 929's new solar-powered 
fans that exhaust the hot air out of 
a parked car,” said Gross. Stevens 
agreed: “Anything that automatically 
sucks the hot air out of a car before I 
drive it is a sure winner. What could be 
better? Maybe air bags in the shape of 
blow-up dolls?” Yates leaned toward 
the Mazda MX-3's miniature V6 “sim- 
ply because it’s such an outré example 
of show-off engineering by the Japan- 
ese.” Luyendyk praised the Mercedes 
500SL's fully automatic, one-button top- 
closing device. Lamm preferred the 
Infiniu’s full-active suspension “for do- 
ing what everybody else is just talking 
about.” And Frank thought the Porsche 
Tiptronic transmission was “pretty 
neat, but didn’t go far enough. Why 
not something like the Ferrari Formula 
I car shifter with a fully automatic 
mode for those occasions when your 
right hand has better things to do?” 
Ultimate Convertible: “Is there a 
choice beyond the Mercedes SL?” 
asked Frank. “How bourgeois of me.” 
Gross felt that the Viper “is a head- 
turner, but you wouldn't want to drive 
it from New York to California. The 
Mercedes SL is still the finest two- 
seater droptop available at any price— 
for long distances or just dawdling 
around town. Too bad it's nearly a 
hundred grand, and that’s with just 
a V8." (A V12 engine will be coming 
in late 1992.) Yates is a Mercedes fan, 
too: “Any machine that’s as fiendishly 
complex and as expensive as the 
500SL has to qualify as the ultimate 
sportster." Luyendyk also picked the 
SL, applauding its "looks, smoothness 
(continued on page 138) 


an Elvis sighting." 


“I didn't ш the earth move, but I think I 


n 


P L A Y B O Y 


things you can live without, but who wants to? 


If you really want to punch up your daily exercise routine, check out the Hitman Boxercise Home 
Gym. In addition to feoturing o freestanding steel frame that holds speed and heavy bags, the 
Hitman comes with o Jump 'N Jog low-impact aerobics platform, from NDL Products, about $480. 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY JAMES IMBROGNO 


This deluxe hardwood- 
framed Monopoly set, The 
Collector's Edition, in- 
cludes gold-plated tokens 
and hotels, silver-plated 
houses and more, from 
the Franklin Mint, $495. 


The Pullman, a copy of a 
Twenties French cork- 
screw, comes in nickel 
with a gold-plated handle 
and trim (shown), $65, or 
all nickel, $50, by Gadg- 
ets, including a gift box. 


TAG-Heuer's 1000 Meters 
Super Professioncl stain- 
less-steel diver's watch al- 
so includes a leather kit 
for replacing the stainless- 
steel band with a rub- 
ber strap, about $2000. 


Atari’s newly improved 
lynx hand-held video- 
game system is reduced in 
size but still boasts a 34” 
screen, the largest in its 
class, $150, including an 
A.C. adapter and a game. 


Put the pedal to the metal 
in Sebring Hot Shoes, the 
official shoe of the Sports 
Car Club of America. 
Made of leather (shown) 
or suede in a variety of 
styles, from $60 to $80. 


This porcelain U.S. Navy & 
Marine Corps Ship De- 
canter comes with a bottle 
of Pusser's 95.5-proof 
rum, a blend of rums from 
the British Virgin Islands 
and Trinidad, about $70. 


Where & How to Buy on page 159. 


XNTRIO PAGE 


H. Gersiner & Sons' lock- 
oble hardwood Fly Tyer's 
Chest is practically mois- 
ture-free and comes in 
two handsome finishes, 
golden ook (shown) ond 
wolnut, obout $300. 


116 


THE THINKING 


MAN'S GUIDE 


TO WORKING 


WITH WOMEN 


DON'T BUY THE HARASSMENT HYSTERIA. THERE'S 
A SMARTER ANSWER, AND OUR MAN HAS IT 


| TUSED TO BE the office. Just the office, a dull spot in the 
‘Twilight Zone of work, where men went to do a job, 
pick up a pay check and get on with their lives. 

Not anymore. 

Suddenly, offices, factories and shops are electrified 
arenas where the great gender issues of our day are bruit- 
ed about by angered beasts. It is turf, troubled ground 
peopled by oppressors and oppressed, where tense flirta- 
tions and secret romances live right next door to hurt 
feelings and rejection. The air is hot and damp with frus- 
tration. Memos and reports compete with tears and bad 
manners. Danger lurks everywhere: Personal ruin can be 
found in a curly hair on a Coke can. 

Once, long ago, when working men would rise from 
their breakfast tables, kiss their wives and kids goodbye 
and go to work, it was as much for the company—largely 
of other men—as it was for the money, which was largely 
spent on wives and kids. Men's lives were lived on the job 
as much as at home. Men would tirelessly joke that the 
trouble with wornen was that you couldn't live with "em 
and you couldn't live without 'em, but you could com- 
plain about them either way. 

But things have changed. Maybe you still can't live with 
women and maybe you still can't live without them, but, if 
you're an average Joe, you must spend all day working 


article By DENIS BOYLES 


ILLUSTRATION EY STEPHEN TURK 


PLAYBOY 


118 


with them, which is very much like liv- 
ing with them, except no complaints 
are allowed. 


MAKING A MOUNTAIN OUT OF ANITA HILL 


We might as well talk about sexual 
harassment right off the bar, since the 
noise surrounding that issuc is drown- 
ing out all rational conversation. A little 
background, maestro, please: 

The Prohibition impulse: As a social 
phenomenon, organized feminism— 
which is, remember, not the natural 
political state of most women—has a 
cyclical pattern, like ballroom danc- 
ing, 3-D movies or economic depres- 
sion. Activist feminist movements are 
spawned by a pressing need to redress 
a social ill, but they overreact by trying 
to legislate nice behavior. 

For example, the last time women 
organized for justice, they got the vote, 
which was a very good thing. But we al- 
so got Prohibition, an attempt to use 
law to make men behave the way polit- 
ically correct women wished them to 
behave, and that was a very bad thing. 

This time around, we got antidis- 
criminatory labor and social statutes, 
and that’s a very good thing. But now 
we're being threatened with censor- 
ship (of magazines like this one, for ex- 
ample) and, in the case of sexual 
harassment, with once again using the 
law to make men behave the way polit- 
ically correct women wish them to be- 
have, and that's not so good. 

Sexual harassment, either as de- 
Scribed by the law or in practice, is 
meaningless as a fixed concept. Ask 
500 people what constitutes sexual 
harassment and you'll get 500 answers. 
In fact, during the Thomas hearings, 
that is predsely what the media did. 
"They asked over and over again what 
constitutes sexual harassment. They 
devoted hours and hours to the sub- 
ject. “This is great,” said one female ac- 
tivist. "This is a national teach-in.” 

Trouble is, nobody learned any- 
thing. Nobody knows with any more 
clarity now than they did before what 
sexual harassment is. "We can't say in 
all cases a hug or an invitation for a 
date is sexual harassment" Fraeda 
Klein, a consultant who organizes sex- 
ual harassment training programs for 
businesses, told The Washington Post. 
"But what we can say is that, in some 
cases, it is sexual harassment. We have 
to know how the recipient feels.” 

Last year, a federal appeals court 
ruled that an action that a "reasonable 
man" might find inoffensive may in fact 
be recognized as sexual harassment— 
but only by a "reasonable woman." 
That means that sexual harassment is a 
crime that reasonable men cannot al- 
ways recognize, that it is a crime that 
can be discovered only by women, and 


even then, presumably, only by a 
specific woman, since it hinges on un- 
wanted sexual advances, which, under 
different circumstances, may be want- 
ed sexual advances, in which case, a 
reasonable woman wouldn't mind. 

Now, art, not law, is something you 
recognize when you see it. Asa law, this 
wont work—and certainly not as a 
crime, the mere accusation of which 
can destroy families and marriages and 
ruin careers. It's the sort of thing that 
divides reasonable men and acti 
women, especially since some feminists 
have sought to put sexual harassment 
on a par with rape—something that 
rape victims must find grotesque. 
Imagine if “sexual provocation" to gain 
a personal or professional advantage— 
a certain glance, plunging neckline, 
short skirt, too-high heels, a coy invita- 
tion for coffee—were a statutory of- 
fense that could be comprehended 
only by reasonable mem, and even 
then, only by those who were annoyed 
by such behavior. 

Men get it, all right: Confront a politi- 
cally correct woman on this subject, 
and bereft of logical argument, she'll 
tell you that men “just don’t get it.” 

She'll be wrong, of course. Men un- 
derstand that sexual harassment is sim- 
ply a bogus invention used to fuel bad 
political rhetoric. Reasonable men rec- 
ognize that genuine sexual harassment 
actually involves two wildly different 
transgressions, namely extortion and 
bad manners. 

It's extortion when a man says to a 
female colleague or subordinate, “Give 
me a blow job and make it a hummer 
or tomorrow you'll be out of here.” 

It's bad manners when a man says to 
a female colleague or subordinate, 
“Nice hooters, hon,” or whines for a 
date or plays Siskel and Ebert with 
Longdongophobia. 

Extortion is а crime everyone under- 
stands. You can go to the slammer for 
extortion, and it would serve you right. 

Bad manners, well, that’s something 
else: Everybody understands bad man- 
ners, too, but vulgarity, bad breeding 
and coarseness are part of life in our 
particularly brutal age, and they aren't 
gender-specific. By and large, even 
jerks understand when they're being 
rude, and if they don't, there's certain- 
ly nothing impolite in telling them so. 
People guilty of egregiously rude be- 
havior—whether Из making stupid 
comments to colleagues, stubbornly re- 
fusing to take no for an answer or run- 
ning around the office making fart 
noises—should be warned, reprimand- 
ed or fired. And if a business allows 
extortion or bad manners to go un- 
punished, it should be held liable. 

Women, of course, are as accom- 
plished as men at manifesting bad 


manners or committing extortion. 

Bad talk: Both of those violations 
contribute to the real crime in this situ- 
ation—bad communication between 
the sexes. The organized feminist view 
of what constitutes sexual harassment 
can also be seen as a simple failure 
to communicate across gender lines. 
Women react to men, sometimes accu- 
rately. Men react to women, sometimes 
accurately. But most of the time, some- 
things going to go amiss, especially 
when there's an undercurrent of po- 
tential sexuality compounded by a de- 
cided lack of perspective and humor. 

Here's the news; Women really do seek 
to gain the attention of men. Shocking, 
yet true. Some women—maybe no- 
body you know personally—actually 
hope the right guy will initiate a con- 
versation that vill lead, ultimately, to a 
badly wanted sexual advance. Sexual 
provocation and sexual harassment are 
sometimes officemates. Sex is every- 
where in this culture. It is a vital, 
engrossing, transcendent, sometimes 
charming fact of our common lives. It's 
not only on TV, in the movies, on radio 
and in art and literature, it's also in 
Bible camps, under the bleachers and 
on top of the Great Smokies. It's in 
stores and supermarkets. Is it any sur- 
prise that it’s also at work? 

Men go to work, sense sex in the air 
and feel compelled, from time to time, 
to react to it, Sometimes this can result 
in an unwanted sexual advance. But 
such advances are a way of life for 
most men. It is most men’s experience 
that almost all of their sexual advances 
are unwanted. Men, perforce, are em- 
ists when it comes to experiments 
in sexual chemistry: It’s all trial and er- 
ror, with errors outnumbering success- 
es 90 to one. Men just hope that when 
rejection comes, it won't be extraordi- 
narily painful. Certainly, they hope it 
won't come with an arrest warrant. 

Maybe women have been right all 
along: We just don't talk anymore. 
How did it get this bad? 


FERN OFFICES 


Women invented fern bars. Then 
they went to work, where the same 
transformation is underway. Instead 
of the pickup bar, we have the singles’ 
water cooler. 

The secret life of men: The sexualiza- 
tion of the office was inevitable as an 
unprecedented number of women ba- 
by boomers came of working age. Rela- 
tively well-educated and prosperous 
women rejected their mothers’ exam- 
ples and headed straight for the 
amusements of the work world, where 
they hoped they might find the same 
rewarding life they were certain that 
men secretly must be leading. Women 

(continued on page 156) 


"Hey, big gun, 


it happens. You thought you had a round in the 
т; but you were really oui of ammo. . . ." 


19 


THE WORLD has been a busy place lately. The Soviet Union has undergone 
а chicken coup, Europe is again reshuffling its deck and the Middle East 
is, well, acting like the Middle East. Through it all, Playboy hasn't missed 
out on the global action. Last May, with the launch of the landmark 
Czechoslovakian edition (our second in eastern Europe, after Hungary), 
we reached a new high, with publications in 15 locations world-wide. To 
our mind, that's cause for celebration. Here, then, is a summit of sorts— 
a gathering of some of the finest diplomats we know: the ladies who 
grace the pages of our foreign editions. Call it the Olympics of beauty, 
call it the real "new world order." Welcome to Playboy's World Tour '92. 


PLAYBOY'S WORLD TOUR 9 


the guy in the white house may have his new world order. here's ours 


Check out sultry Särko Lukešová (opposite), Playboy Czechoslovakio's first Ploymote. (Does that make her a 
Czechmote?] A student of ethnography, Sárko longs to travel to Fronce to study its orchitecture. French-born 
Sophie Dupont (top), last seen os o Playmate in our Italian edition, hopes to become o supermodel. And how 
would she spend her supersolory? “I'd buy a ronch in Conado ond odopt o lot of stroy dogs." Lucky dogs. 
Поп? мой for Budapes!'s Simonne Munkacsi (above) to wesh up on western shores. Trusting in perestroika, 
Simonne (who also oppeored in Ployboy edizione Italiana) plans to “find my own way in my homeland.” 


121 


At five feet even, Munich's Petra Kitt (above left) may be tiny, but she made a big impression an Playboy Ger- 
many readers. Currently working for her dad, who awns a chain of photo stores, Petra likes spending her down 
fime at the beach. From aur Taiwanese edition comes Carrie Binkley (cbove right), whase ideal evening consists 
of "a romantic dinner, a warm bath, glowing candles and a passionate night of lovemaking.” Meanwhile, a hot 
date for Playboy Japan's 1990 Playmate of the Year, Rie Sugimoto (below), is going aut for ice cream and okana- 
mi-yaki (Japanese pizzo). Rie also has а yen for Chibi Morukachon—a cartoon character. Look out, Bart. 


For some guys down under, mail call is a treat: The letter corrier is Playmate Angela Rottier (abave lefi). She 
now lives on Australia’s Gold Coast, where, despite being bitten an the job ("in а most unfortunate place”), she 
keeps a fierce kennel—two bull terriers and a German shepherd. “I want ta experience everything,” says Am- 
sterdam’s Anna Garcia (above right), a songbird who appeared in Playboy Germany. She has already cut o 
record. Below ore Playboy Brazil's Patricia Melo (left) and Monica Fraga (right). Patricia likes "fondue when it's 
cold ond lambada when it's hot"; Monica enjoys the books of Milan Kundera ond the films of Alfred Hitchcock. 


Playboy Turkey brings us Buse Şahin (top left), o budding folk singer who's not nuts about being thin. 
(Her favorite refrain: "I wish | would be more fat.") Although she's fallen in love 12 times, Buse 
doesn't believe in tying the knot. "But thirteen will be unlucky,” she predicts. “111 probably get mar- 
ried.” Below Buse is Nani Venacio, also from Playboy Brazil. Reportedly once the main squeeze of 
Spain's Prince Felipe, Nani likes karate, jogging on the beoch ot Ipanema and strong, blond men 
who will "let me take the initiative.” Brazilian knockout Rosangela Caetano (above) is passionate 
about her love of country, "the beauties of nature” and the electricity of Carnaval. Featured twice in 
Playboy Italy, Rosangela was briefly engaged to a handsome Neapolitan while shooting on location 
in Мају. "But he was so jealaus,” she says, explaining why the romance ended. His loss, we'd say. 


Say buon giorno to delectoble Zhen-Lin 
(left), who appeared in Playboy Italy in 
1990. Born in Zhejiang, Chino, she 
moved to Itoly with her parents when 
they opened a Chinese restauront in 
Genoa. Playboy Greece's Olgo Dimos 
(obove) soys she is portial to roost 
chicken and potatoes. Below is Olgo's 
countrywoman Niki loannou, who won 
Playboy Australia’s Greot Victorian Ploy- 
mote Hunt Competition. Niki is into 
foshion design, The Addams Family, 


sexy men, Lomborghinis ond posing 
for Ployboy. “There’s nothing wrong 
with the naked body,” she says. “I'm 
content with mine.” So ore we, Я 


MA 


It’s safe to soy that model Cali Adinolfi (above left) has a leg up on her career. In addition to her appearance 
in Playboy Argentina, the 27-yecr-cld model has also been pursuing the actor's life—and succeeding—on 
stage and TY. İpek Pinar (above right) is a Turkish tempiress whose first name тесп "silk" in her native 
tongue. ("My skin is like silk also,” she soys.) ірек has been engaged several times—though never morried— 
ond is not the slightest bit shy when it comes to talking about sex: “Nobody compares to me during love time.” 
Playboy Germany Playmate Verina Wimmer (below) works in hotel management and loves to dance the night 
away in Cologne, her birthplace and favorite city. What's her secret wish? "To, just once, have the time to 
tramp from New York to Los Angeles.” Moving clockwise around the facing page, from top left: Playboy Ger- 
mary's Iris Zimmerman was born in Vienna, hates rainy weather, adores “fast cars and a faithful boyfriend” 
опа wonts a modeling career that doesn't interfere with her love life. For China's Ma May May, who appeared 
in Playboy's Hong Kong edition, future plans are as solid as her name is musical: “to get married, have chil- 
dren and be happy in life.” The scintillating Lips sisters—Zefania (left) and Fouzia (right) Һай from Holland, 
where they appeared in Playboy's Netherlands edition. Although best of friends, the girls share different tastes 
in men: “I'm fond of half-breeds,” says 24-year-old Zefania, adding that they must be "gentle but tough,” 
while Fouzia, 26, likes a man who is “tall, blond and, if possible, a good cook.” For those keeping count, the 
ladies have two more sisters, ond all four agree: "No boyfriend can harm our sisterly love.” Playboy Mexico's 
Roxana Chavez has already found success as an actress in the Mexican soops Gabriel y Gabriela and Senda 
de Gloria. Thrice-married ond the mother of two, Roxana tells us she's forever exercising and alwoys tcn. 


y 


Playbay Brazil's Sonia Campos (left) 
flew to London in 1989 and fell in 
love—with the fog, the wind and the 
falling leaves. Spain's Monuelo Tiller 
(right) traveled to Kenya to shoot her 
pictorial for Playboy Germany. “I 
wanted to be photographed in а 
region that would produce beautiful 
Pictures,” she says. Wild, we say. 
Playboy Netherlands party girl 
Sharan Maihluhu (below) also loves 
to glabe-trot, especially to the night 
clubs on the Balearic island of Ibiza. 
These days, Sharon doesn't have o 
boyfriend. “I'm waiting for a nice 
man with whom 1 сап roise an old- 
fashioned family," she soys—"in ten 
years.” Finally, soy wilkommen to 
Playboy Germany's Lisa Forword 
(opposite). Brits recognize Lisa's 
foce—and more—from her exposure 
оз a Poge 3 Girl in a daily tabloid. 
Fan mail, they soy, arrives ot her 
doorstep "by the luundry busket.” 


P Lo A Y BOY 


130 


Bugsy SIEGEL (continued from page 104) 


“The ballad of Bugsy Siegel deals with all the univer- 
sal themes, punctuated by an almost operatic death.” 


tables, the bust-outs marking keno 
cards, the drawn, tense men staring at 
the roulette wheels or the flickering 
numbers of the sports book. There are 
thick, pink Germans in Bermuda 
shorts, hookers from London, Arabs 
plump with oil money, groups of 
Japanese men with grave, worried 
faces. Ben Siegel means nothing to any 
of them. 

But Las Vegas is his truest monu- 
ment. He invented the place. That 
garish skyline, those ten thousand 
blinking, popping, humming electric 
signs defying the night, defying time's 
passage, were imagined first by Ben 
Siegel. Today, the signs, the casinos, the 
millions of visitors are proof of the 
creed by which Siegel lived his short 
and dangerous life: Sin is more 
profitable than virtue. 

More than four decades after his 
death, there is no monument to Ben 
Siegel on the Strip. In the schoolrooms 
of Las Vegas, nobody speaks his name. 
The present caretakers of his gaudy 
vision want to creatc the illusion of 
perpetual all-American respectability. 
They want you to believe that Las Ve- 
gas was the invention of cowboys and 
businessmen and Rotarians, not of Ben 
Siegel. Not some Jewish gangster the 
papers called Bugsy. for God's sake. 

But the ghosts know. Ghosts of dead 
hoodlums. Ghosts of old losers. Ghosts 
of forgotten women. Ghosts of bootleg- 
gers and hit men, comedians and jug- 
glers, crooners and horn players. They 
knew the real story. They knew Ben 
Siegel and would never forget him. 

е 

After his vision ОЁ Las Vegas rose 
from the sand, Ben Siegel became the 
stuff of legend. After his brutally vio- 
lent death, the legend of Bugsy was 
told in all the histories of the Mob and 
in movie after movie. Warren Beaty 
appears in the latest version of the tale, 
starring in a movie directed by Barry 
Levinson. I wrote my own fictional ver- 
sion of the dark and fabulous legend a 
few years ago in a three-hour television 
drama called The Neon Empire. But no 
writer, no film maker seems able to ex- 
haust the subject. The reason is simple: 
The ballad of Bugsy Siegel deals with 
all the universal themes, It is punctuat- 
ed with an almost operatic death, but it 
most certainly doesn't end there. It 
ends with a vision grandly realized aft- 
er the visionary's death. It has every- 


thing—sex, money, violence and hubris. 

With the legend looming so large, it 
is difficult to separate the facts of the 
man's life from the legend. We do 
know that Benjamin Siegel was born in 
New York City on February 28, 1906, 
and that he grew up in Williamsburg, a 
tough Brooklyn neighborhood of fac- 
tories and tenements across the East 
River from downtown Manhattan. Al- 
most every resident of Williamsburg 
had one goal: escape. And the quickest 
way out was across the Williamsburg 
Bridge, completed in 1903. This ugly 
span connected Brooklyn to the Jewish 
slums of the Lower East Side. Past 
those slums, across Manhattan and the 
Hudson, lay America. 

When Siegel was a child, he was 
called Benjy. He was the second of five 
children born to parents who had ar- 
rived in America from eastern Europe 
in 1903. In many ways, they must have 
felt at home in Williamsburg, which 
was a kind of shtetl within the larger 
city. Outside their neighborhood, how- 
ever, they were anything but welcome. 
Benjy must have known about bigotry 
close at hand from the Irish and Italian 
gangs in Williamsburg, the tough guys 
from Havemeyer Street, the hoods 
from Bridge Plaza. In school he heard 
the platitudes about America, but in 
the streets he learned quite a different 
lesson. 

Many Jews accepted these conditions 
as unfortunate facts of life; they 
shrugged and went on living, hoping 
for better lives for their children. Oth- 
ers refused to accept. They read the 
Yiddish-language Forward or the Frei- 
heit and embraced socialism or militant 
trade unionism. Some turned to crime. 
By 1910, the old image of the Jew as 
passive and docile was finished forever. 

АЙ of this must have affected young 
Ben Siegel. He was intelligent and 
quick and, as he grew into adolescence, 
he became a handsome man with dark 
hair and blue eyes. By all accounts, he 
had considerable charm. But he was al- 
so given to sudden anger and violent 
rage. This is not surprising. During my 
own childhood in the slums of Brook- 
lyn, the angriest, most violent young 
men were also among the most intelli- 
gent. They saw injustice and hypocrisy 
more clearly than others, so their furies 
were more explosive; some of them lat- 
er became gangsters. So did Ben 
Siegel. 


He saw a world where only the ora- 
tory was splendid. The tenements were 
filled with rats and roaches. On sum- 
mer nights, the poor slept on fire es- 
capes while the foul stench of Newtown 
Creek stained the air. Horses died in 
the summer heat; their bodies soon 
swelled and bloated and kids used 
them as trampolines. In schools, chil- 
dren had their heads shaved to prevent. 
ringworm and lice. Tuberculosis was 
everywhere. The centerpiece of most 
kitchens was a bathtub covered with a 
metal top. After he became famous, 
Ben Siegel was said го shower four 
times a day. But there are some things 
about poverty that can never be 
washed away. 

Siegel was 11 when the United States 
entered. World War One. The city 
boomed as the garment industry began 
manufacturing uniforms and tents and 
shipping them along with other war 
matériel through the great port. Peo- 
ple like Siegel's parents made the 
dothing; tough guys made the money. 

At some point during the war, young 
Siegel met two men who were to 
change American life. One was Charles 
"Lucky" Luciano, then a smart, hard 
teenager in Little Italy. The other was a 
man named Maier Suchowljansky. He 
was four years older than Siegel and 
had arrived at Ellis Island from Russia 
with his mother and younger brother 
in 1911. He became better known as 
Meyer Lansky. 

Lansky was an A student in the 
grammar schools of Brownsville and 
the Lower East Side, a reader of books 
from the Educational Alliance, a gifted 
man with numbers. In a different era, 
he might have been successful in al- 
most any business. But Lansky and his 
friend Siegel were unwilling to serve 
long apprenticeships or live humble 
lives of self-sacrifice. They were drawn 
instead to the rackets. Whatever Amer- 
ica had to offer, Siegel and Lansky 
wanted it now. And in 1919, the pre- 
vailing American hypocrisy gave them 
their opportunity. That year, Congress 
passed the absurd 18th Amendment, 
prohibiting liquor sales. Americans 
thought they could legislate morals; in- 
stead, they created the Mob. 

Siegel and Lansky didn’t start at the 
top of their craft. As teenaged appren- 
tices, they did small jobs, taking pay- 
days where they could find them: 
burglaries, collecting for loan sharks, 
providing tough young muscle for 
booze smugglers. Lansky was smart 
and resourceful and understood the 
new technology of the day—automo- 
bile engines. He was soon operating 
out of a garage on Cannon Street on 
the Lower East Side with Ben Siegel as 
his partner Lansky was not above 

(continued on page 150) 


2 E 


Seco aly ШЕ 5 


JENNIFER JASON LEIGH 


Jesse Jason Leigh, 29, is an actress 
who considers the comment “Oh, were 
you in that film?” a compliment. It means 
she’s doing her job well. Since her debut in 
“Fast Times at Ridgemont High,” as the sex- 
ually precocious Stacy, that job has included 
playing two very different hookers in “Last 
Exit to Brooklyn" and “Miami Blues" and 
straighter roles m “Backdraft,” "The Hitch- 
er” and “The Big Picture.” Her latest excur- 
sion is “Rush,” based on Kim Wozencraft's 
powerful book about an undercover cop who 
gels mixed up with drugs. 

Contribuling Edilor David Rensin met 
Leigh and she served lea, strawberries and 
cookies. "True to her reputation for shyness, 
Jennifer began the interview scrunched up 
‘on the couch, arms folded around her knees. 
She confessed to having worried all day 
about what she would say. But by quitting 
time, she had become almost outspoken— 
and she had eaten all the strawberries. 


L 


pLavpoy: What's so good about playing 
bad girls? What do you know about 
bad girls that good girls don’t? 
LEIGH: Bad girls don’t know how to 
suppress anything. They act out a lot. 
They're living more sensationally than 
the good girl, who is responsible. And 
they're probably more ured. [Laughs] 
So they have more experiences than 
good girls, and probably a lot more 
pain. I was a very, very good girl grow- 
ing up. My older sister was the bad girl. 
When my mother and my sister would 
be screaming at each other downstairs, 
Id be cleaning 


, "M Ж 

hollywood's у eme 
whi "re chil- 

reluctant ат ana ne part 

star holds 

forth on 


of the family bal- 
ance. So playing 
bad girls is a way 


for me to explore 


risks, re- the dark side— 
- parts of myself 

and of my sister, 

wards and who I loved so 
what she much that I 
E didn't explore my 

allows into own life. Of 
course, my sister 

the bathtub was never nearly 
E as bad as any of 
with her my characters, but 


what interests me 
is the psyche that 
operates from the 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY ALBERTO TOLOT 


gut. I was very cerebral as a litle girl, 
and my sister was all gut, all emotion. 


2 


»LAYROY: As someone who has perfect- 
ed the art of playing hookers, would 
you have liked Julia Roberts’ role in 
Pretty Woman? 

LEIGH: Thal was a recruitment film. It 
was like Top Gun for hookers: “Come to 
Hollywood, be a prostitute, meet a mil- 
lionaire—a very handsome million- 
aire—and get married.” [Laughs] And 
first you get to go shopping in Beverly 
Hills and spend a lot of money. It's a 
pretty amazing message, and millions 
and millions of girls are seeing it over 
and over again. 1 don't think the movie 
had anything to do with prostitution. I 
don't even know why they kept her 
a prostitute when they changed the 
script, which originally was a real 
downer. [Pauses] I met with the direc- 
tor, Garry Marshall, on that role. It was 
very dark. And I was really surprised 
that Disney was doing it. [t seemed a 
bizarre fairy tale for them. [ remember 
he said to me, "Now, she's really happy. 
She hasn't been doing this that long." 
And I said, "Well, how happy can you 
be afier your eighth blow job in the 
back of a car? How happy can you be, 
Garry?” It just struck me as an odd 
statement to make. 


3. 


pLavpoy: After doing the play Sunshine, 
in which you played a woman in a 
Times Square peep-show booth, how 
did life behind the glass wall make you 
feel about men? 

LEIGH: Sunshine doesn't understand 
how her life and job are screwing her. 
She thinks what she's doing is beautiful 
and that she's really kind of a star at it. 
and that she's helping men. And then 
she goes home to an abusive husband 
who won't make love to her. It's a great 
problem for this character. But soon, 
even in the booth, she starts to feel de- 
graded. When I was doing the re- 
search, watching the shows, I came 
home really hating men. You can smell 
the semen in the booth. You can see the 
stains everywhere. The first girl I saw 
was like a windup toy: The wall came 
up. her fingers were in every orifice 
over and over again, the same words 
were repeated over and over again. It 
was depressing to see a woman make 
herself into this . . . hole, basically; 
and to know that a man goes in there 


and ejaculates and leaves. Obviously, 
there's such a fear of intimacy, or such 
a desire for intimacy. Confronting 
that—and not simply in an intellectual 
way—made me sad and angry. It's like 
the first time I saw Last Tango in Paris. 1 
ran into a friend of mine, a guy, in the 
lobby, and he said, “Oh, this is a really 
sexy movie. You're with your boy- 
friend? When you get to the sexy part 
of the movie, touch him." And I sat 
through that entire movie waiting for 
the sexy part. [t wasn't about sex, it was 
about death. 


4. 


PLAYBOY: What do you know 
yourself that might surprise us? 
цисн: Noise makes me go to sleep. 
This is from childhood: If we went to a 
noisy restaurant, I'd be under the table 
in five minutes. [t continues to this day. 


5. 


PLAYBOY: When you go to the movies 
now, is it hard to stay awake? 

LEIGH: It depends on the movie. I go 
looking for an experience: Can 1 be- 
come involved, lose myself, even if it's 
in absolute silliness? The last fantastic 
movie I saw was In the Realm of the Sens- 
es. It stayed twelve steps ahead of me 
and crossed all sorts of lines. They're 
really fucking on screen, but the film 
can't be termed pornography because 
it's clearly made by a genius. And very 
few love scenes are good. Before that, 
the last great love scene I saw was in Tie 
Me Up! Tie Me Down! It’s a pretty rare 
experience to see a movie that presses 
all these buttons and goes past all these 
boundaries. 


6. 


PLAYBOY: You've said that you're not 
aware of the intense sexuality of some 
of the women you play. Should we be- 
lieve that? 

Leich: Yeah. I've also never had a prob- 
lem with the sexuality in the roles, but 
I've never seen it аз a focal point. My 
hookers are three very different wom- 
en, and it's the woman that I wanted to 
play, not the occupation. [Smiles] Of 
course, it happens to be a pretty inter- 
esting occupation in terms of the psy- 
che that gets involved. On the one 
hand, you're given all this money and 
this great sense of power. On the other 
hand, you're being degraded and hu- 
miliated. So it’s a total mind-fuck. 
They're opposite ends of the spectrum 


133 


PLAYBO!Y 


134 


in one transaction. Yet they don't bal- 
ance each other. They destroy each 
other. They destroy the person. 
"There's just no way that you can com- 
partmentalize your life like that and 
stay whole. Still, a prostitute chooses 
this life and I'm not about to make a 
moral judgment here. There are a 
number of real issues of why a woman 
would prostitute herself. Eighty per- 
cent of the time it’s because the person 
has a drug problem and it's an casy, 
quick way to make money. I know a girl 
who prostitutes out of a market in 
Venice. She does a blow job for fifty 
bucks, and she makes about three hun- 
dred bucks in four or five hours from 
men shopping in the market. It's like 
those bad porn films, in the vegetable 
department. She's rubbing the cucum- 
bers and looking at guys. It's hard to 
imagine, but for her, that's normal life. 
She has a cocaine addiction. 


7. 


PLAYEOY: Where do you draw the line 
in letting yourself be absorbed into a 
character? 

LEIGH: ГЇЇ go as far as I feel I need to go 
for the character. Гус never. actually 
prostituted myself. І played a cocaine 
addict, but I never shot cocaine. Where 
I go really far is psychologically. I'm in 
pretty deep. I might endanger my 
health. I might endanger my mind, hut 
that's why I have a therapist. 


8. 


PLAYBOY: Is it true that you take her on 
location? 

LEIGH: [Laughs] No. 1 call her from lo- 
cation. I don't fly her out. [Smiles] 
What? I'm her only patient? Isn't it fab- 
ulous what can be done in Hollywood? 
God! Look, it’s not like some huge 
deal. 1 am in therapy. It helps keep me 
sane. Not that I'm insane. Therapy is 
not about problem solving for me, it's 
about stuff that's much deeper. And I 
love it. It’s made me a better actress. 


9. 


PLAYBOY: In Rush, you play an under- 
cover police officer who gets seduced 
by the drugs that she’s trying to eradi- 
cate. Since you didn’t do the drugs, 
what tricks did you employ to simulate 
being high? 

LEIGH: 1 tried a bunch of things. For the 
cocaine, I drank six cups of coffee in 
the morning for the extra edge and 
didn't go to sleep for a couple nights. 
For the heroin, I talked to heroin ad- 
dicts, who were very lyrical about it. 
Some say it's like being a baby, like be- 
ing in the womb; you feel all warm and 
soft, and everything's fuzzy around 
you. You itcha little but you don't care, 
you vomit but it feels great. Then I had 
all the technical data: what happens to 


your pulse, your stomach, your eyes, 
your tongue. I also saw tapes of people 
shooting up. I found out that if they 
can't find any heroin, sometimes they'll 
take Tuinal. Tuinal is like Percodan. I 
had an operation and I was on Perco- 
dan for ten days. I remember Percodan 
very well. [Smiles] 


10. 


PLAYBOY: Which was the toughest char- 
acter to shed after filming, and what 
extreme measures did you take to get 
rid of her? 

LEICH: A hard one was Tralala [the 
hooker] from Last Exit to Brooklyn. 1 
loved her innocence. She's living in a 
pile of shit and thinks she's a movie 
star. She thinks her life is great. And it 
so clearly is a hellhole. That was so 
tragic. She had no idea what love is, 
had never been raised in it, had never 
been cared for a day in her life. But she 
had to go pretty quick because 1 had 
another job. And I had to lose the extra 
weight I'd gained. 


n. 


PLAYBOY: Is it true that you based Susie 
Waggoner, the dim prostitute in Miami 
Blues, on your dog? 

LEIGH: 1 based a part of Susie Wag- 
goner on my dog, Bessie, and a part of 
her on these girls I met in Okeechobee. 
Rut it’s trne: When I walk in the door, 
Bessie will lie on her back with her 
paws in the air, waiting for me to rub 
her tummy. That's sort of how I saw 
Susie—just wanting unconditional love 
and constantly telling you that you're 
the boss. And there’s this look Bessie 
gets when I’m mad at her. When I saw 
the film, I realized I look exactly like 
my dog when Alec Baldwin yells at me. 


12. 


pLayBoy: In The Hitcher, how'd you pre- 
pare for being pulled apart by a trac- 
tor-trailer? 

LEIGH: All the preparation I did could 
not have helped me more than what 
actually happened. [Grimaces] They 
had it all set up, the tractor-trailer and 
me on this pulley thing, and then an- 
other huge semi. And then they said, 
"We're gonna have a rehearsal now. Do 
you want to get up on it or should we 
put your stunt double up there so you 
can watch it first?” I said, "I think Га 
like to watch it.” And they said, “OK. 
Now the truck's just gonna move a lit- 
tle bit.” So they put her up there, and 
she’s a mighty girl. But you cannot 
control precisely the movement of a 
truck that big. Then they stepped on 
the gas and her body went like this 
[stretches]. If it had been me, my arms 
would have been torn out of their sock- 
ets. It was terrifying. As soon as it hap- 
pened, of course, everyone started 


screaming and hollering and promis- 
ing, "The truck's not gonna move! The 
truck's not gonna move!" They took 
the tires off and jacked it up to make 
sure it couldn't move. They had people 
pulling my legs. But I had seen a terri- 
fying vision—and that was pretty much 
my prep. It really scared me. 


13. 


PLAYBOY: You worked on Flesh and 
Blood, much of which was shotin Spain. 
For the summer Olympics-bound, de- 
scribe the joys of life on the Iberian 
Peninsula. 

LEIGH: On Flesh and Blood, we all 
thought we were going to die. It was a 
tough, tough shoot. It was colder that 
year than it was in Russia. We were 
shooting at a castle and we had only 
these little gas heaters. My feet were 
blue at the end of every day. I was 
working seventeen hours a day, six 
days a week. We had no stand-ins. Dur- 
ing the rape scene, which took five 
nights to shoot in zero-degree weather 
in a ravine outside, they wouldn't even 
let me wear underwear—forget about a 
parka—to cover myself while I was ly- 
ing on the ground standing in for my- 
self. I got huge welts, cuts and bruises 
from five nights of this. But [co-star] 
Rutger Hauer was great. I'd be shaking 
on the ground and he'd put his hands 
over the fire and then come and put 
them on my face and my ears while 
they were lighting me. 


14. 


PLAYBOY: What clichés about actors do 
you find particularly offensive? Are 
there any that are true? 

LEIGH: Actors are stupid. Actors will 
fuck for a part. But the biggest cliché is 
that all actors are liars and you can't 
trust them because they lie for a living. 
It's so bad that it’s funny. Actually, I'm 
a terrible liar, and I don't lie for a liv- 
ing, either. Actors are pretty self-in- 
volved. Which isn’t always a bad thing. 
Some clichés are true for some actors, 
but they could be true for some 
plumbers, too. 


15. 


FLAYBOY: For what household emergen- 
Gies are you currently prepared? 
LEIGH: Not very many. I have bouled 
water. I have a fire extinguisher some- 
where. I don't know where my flash- 
light is. I don't have a medical kit. I 
have some canned foods, but they're 
not really canned foods, they're more 
like soup. That's about it. 


16. 


PLAYBOY: You have always described 
your off-screen life as boring. You're 


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136 


tar. Just how boring does your 
en life get? 

LEIGH: Tsay that so that my private life 
can remain my own. But by your stand 
ards, it may actually be boring. I don't go 
skiing, I don't go trail blazing, I don't go 
to parties, I don't go to premieres. 1 
don't like group situations at all. I go out 
to cat, perhaps. I walk my dog. 1 go to a 
movie. I read. 1 clean my house. I organ- 
ize a drawer. I talk on the phone. I read 
some more. If it's Sunday, ГЇ watch In 
Living Color and 60 Minutes, and that's 
the only ume I watch TV. Then I walk 
my dog again, maybe to the magazine 
stand. Then ГІ come home, sit on the 
couch, stare at a wall. If I'm researching 
a part, then I'm reading constantly and 
I'm interviewing people. I'm very active 
L also try and work out every day with 


my personal trainer. This is a new thing 
I started on Rush 


IT. 


MAYBOY: When you do go out, say to a 
Hollywood party, we hear you like to 
hang out by the food table. Wh: c 
some of the more successful edibles 
you've spent time with? 
Leica: Moroccan food is always good. It’s 
finger food and interesting looking, 
There's salad, cucumbers and tomato 
sliced up. And there's this chicken in a 
beautiful pastry with powdered sugar on 
top and scrambled egg in it. Greek is 
also good. Tabbonleh and hummus. Grape 
leaves. What I don't like is when I stand 
by the food table and there's nothing 1 
can eat. [Laughs] Just chips and dip is 
very distressing to me. I'll eat them, but 


I won't be happy about it. Not only will 1 
not enjoy the party, but TII start to hate 
myself. Not only am I not talking to any- 
body, I'm gaining weight. 


18. 


PLAYBOY: Whats the strangest thing 
you've ever put in your bath besides 
yourself? 
LEIGH: I don't have many bath toys any- 
more, but I used to have some windup 
gs: boats and floating camels and 
ducks. Now what I really like are smelly 
things: beautiful bath oils or bath salts, 


19. 


PLAYBOY: At your age, what can you still 
learn from your mother? 

LEIGH: | learn from her all the time. For 
example, for the last couple days I've 
had this terrible pain in my chest on my 
left side. I immediately thought, It’s can- 
cer. I'm gonna have to go through radia- 
tion. Oh, my God. This because | had a 
friend who, at 23, got cancer. И was be- 
hind the sternum, it was inoperable, she 
went through radiation. So 1 started to 
obsess and get frantic. 1 called the doc- 
tor; he wasn't in. Then Mother called. 
She said, “How are you? You sound aw- 
ful.” She can always tell what mood I'm 
in. 1 said, “Oh, Fm feeling horrible. I 
have this thing." She said, “Does it feel 
your heart?" and I said, * yd 
She said, “And it's just like a dull 
In your chest on your left side?” Anyway, 
she knew everything. She said, "Oh, Гуе 
had that. I used to get that for sand 
years. I's tension. It’s just tension." And, 
sure enough, an hour later the doctor 
called me and you know what he said? 
“Take two Advil every three hours." 
[Laughs] My mother always tells me 
when I'm feeling particularly strange or 
something's upsetting me that wouldn't 
normally upset me, “It's this character 
you're playing. In two months, it won't 
affect you that way.” She's really under- 
standing of the process 


20. 


PAYBOY: If you saw an issue of Money 
magazine with а story about investing in 
mutual funds, would you pick it up, call 
your broker and tell him, or figure he 
knows more about it than you do? 
LEIGH: Td be at a total loss. Um bad with 
money. I would never pick up a maga- 
zine like that. Even at the dentist's office. 
It's like a fore So I have a 
business manager whom I trust. But 
maybe someday, ГЇЇ play an accountant 
and learn about it. But it would have to 
be a complicated accountant. Mixed up 
nd neurotic, I don't like doing success- 
ful and competent people, She'd have to 
be successful but unhappy 


El 


MIXED COMPANY 


(continued from page 47) 


requirements of the workplace demand 
© as though celibate. 
in Visions of Liber 
pares sexual styles to religious expres- 
ne, for example, that Jews 
Moslems were to be permitted their 
beliefs and practices only so long as they 
remained hidden from public view. Reli- 
gious beliefs and practices would be per- 
mitted under this imagined regime, but 
public expressions of such beliefs would 
remain a crime. No Stars of David; no 
Moslem clothing; no visible churches or 
synagogues. No American today would 
consider such a regime constitutionally 
permissible. Yet that was precisely the 
sit n faced, and 
in many places 
The Catha 
world view 


‚ com- 


swastika painted on the wall of a syna- 
gogue. A recent decision by the U.S 
Court of Appeals for the Ninth Circuit 


swallowed this paranoid philosophy: 
“Because women are disproportionately 
victims of rape and sexual assault, wom- 
en have a stronger incentive to be con- 
cerned with 


xual behavior. Women 
ns of mild forms of sexual 
harassment may understandably worry 
whether sser's conduct is merely а 
prelude to violent sexual assault.” 

We don't buy the link. Rapists don't 
Hirt. Sexual assault is an act of disconti- 
nuity. The attack comes out of nowhere 
In contrast 
din 


the courtship rituals of 
nks do build—to 


ine arguing that since blacks are dispro- 
portionately represented in prisons and 
on death row, the "reasonable white" has 
every right to exclude them from the 
workplace in order to protect himself 
from violence. 

So how does one distinguish between 
the promiscuous and the prude? 
Through talk. Through more communi- 
cation, not less. 

Let's go back to our hypoth 
"ne a dinner con 
devoted to Romeo and Juliet’s auempt 
to deal with the life-imperiling sexual 
harassment policies of the Capulets and 
Montagues. Is this hostile? 
so vulnerable, so timid, so deli- 
y must be protected from 
anguage? 

Must we behave as though we ar 
the mixed company of the Victorian 
age? It is ironic that the same sort of law 
that kept women from the workplace is 
now being used as a tool to discriminate 
against sexually open men. 


Ej 


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138 


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1993s We Con Hordly Wait For Best of the Homeboys 


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AUTOMOTIVE REPORT 
(continued from page 110) 


and wonderful top mechanism." Lamm 
lipped his hat to the Mazda Miata, call- 
ing it “the choice for the regular guy be- 
cause 175 affordable and so much fun. 
Also, it was designed so that the driver 
can raise or lower the top with one hand 
while stopped at a red light ч 
vote went to the Morgan Plus 8 
and I borrowed onc from the importer, 
Isis Motors in San Francisco, earlier this 
year,” he recalled. "Driving 
had women crawling all over the car like 
rising up from the Sargasso Sea. At 
ast, I think they were women." 

Most Car for the Money Under 
$20,000: The all-wheel-drive Eagle Tal- 
on just edged out Ford's restyled Taurus 
and the new, Kentucky-built Toyota 
Camry in this category. with panelists ac- 
knowledging that any of the thre 
excellent value. Lamm opted for the 
Talon, saying "anyone who has driven 
one in rotten weather knows the reason 
why I chose it. The Talon looks aggres- 
sive and can be driven that way." Stevens 
also chose the Talon: “For eighteen 
thousand and change, it's a great buy, 
providing you're not the size of Michael 
Jordan." Yates: “For Mr. and Mrs. Amer- 
ica, and everybody in between, you'v 
got to go with that old Dearborn stand- 
ard, the Ford Taurus, with the Honda 
Accord fishing a wink behind, based 
on size and power ak also liked the 
Taurus, as well as Nissan's Maxima and 
the new Toyota Camry, “providing 
they're all properly optioned, of course. 
Luyendyk split his vote between the Acu- 
ra Integra and the Honda Accord, be- 
cause both of them are “luxurious, 
comfortable, handle well and look 
good.” Gross felt that the “made-in- 
America, all-new Camry has what it takes 
to dislodge Honda from the number- 
one-selling spot. And the sporty SI 
sion will give other wanna-be BMWs a 
run for their mone! 

Best of the Homeboys: "Some 
cars restore your faith in Ameri 
Gross, "like Buick's Park. Avenue, the 


round, we 


is an 


E ver- 


new 


said 


Olds Eighty Eight or Ford's Crown Vic- 
toria.” However, he thought the Cadillac 


Seville STS was “the best of a tough 
bunch. Good looks, capable handling 
and real road presence make STS the 
best grand-touring Cadillac ever, ar- 
guably one GM car with a chance to en- 
tice back import drivers who fled the 
General in droves.” Lamm seconds the 
motion. “Now this is the modem Cadil- 
lac,” he said, “not an overweight, throw- 
back Caddy that forgot to bring its tail 
lins. As nice as the exterior is, the interi- 
or is even better, with some of the best 
seats Гуе ever tried and an instrument 
panel that the Germans could learn 
from.” Stevens agreed, basing his vote 


solely on the exterior restyling "because 
1 haven't been able to pry one of these 
babies away from Cadillac." His second 
choice: Chrysler vans. "They still do it 
the best" Yates went for the Taurus 


The Buick 


ark Avenue, sans glitz, is 
nice. And on paper, I like the as-yet- 
untested Cadillac Seville ST j 


shows how well Detroit understands cars 
of this type." And Luyendyk would see 
the USA. in a ег 
which, he says, “looks different yet is 
priced right.” 

En All-Wheel-Drive Je “Su- 


s, “but Ро A Te 
тега 4 is the best sports all-rounder. I 
drove one from Manhattan to Washing- 
ton, D.C., i inch snowfall. The on- 
ly vehicles that could pass me were 
pickups—and they were sidewz 
housand-dollar Jeep, it’s unbeat- 
Racer Luyendyk preferred the 
jive me two wheels to play 
, that’s all I need,” but conceded 
that the Carrera 4 “is fun to drive.” Said 
Y “vs difficult to choose a four- 
wheel-drive from a mixed bag of of- 
roaders and sports all-wheel-drivers. 
Forced to do so, 1 have to go with the 


FRANK GROSS 


LEN FRANK: If it hos four wheels ond is 
built for the highway, then Frank hos 
probably driven it. As host of the syn 
coted radio pragrom The Cor Show, it’s 
b to report on what's hot and what's 
the world of automobiles. Frank 
races in his spare time, hitting the tracks 
in a Cheetah and o Scoglietti-Corvette. 


not 


KEN GROSS: As Playbay's Automotive 
Editor, Gross keeps reoders up to speed 
on what's new in the world cf wheels 
with Playboy’s Automotive Reparts ond 
speciol cor fectures (his most recent was 
the July 1991 article on convertibles, Ga- 
ing Topless). He is columnist for Autamo- 
bile Magazine ond Automotive Industries. 


Carrera 4^ Lamm liked the Subaru 
Гуе been on a ski trip in one.” he 
‚ "and it was outstanding. On packed 
snow, it goes like hell, and with ABS. it 
stops quickly. Remember though, when 
you turn, the SVX is bound by the same 
basic physics as a Yugo.” Stevens added, 
"The еп Hornet would have loved 
the SVX—low and sleck with that eyc- 
catching window in the window." Frank 
also liked the SVX, but asked, "Does it 
really need all-wheel drive? 

1993s We Can Hardly Wait For: 
Stevens picked the Chrysler LH sedans. 
he year 1993 will be do or die time аг 
Chrysler," he said, "and from what Гуе 
heard, the LHs will be worth waiting for. 
At least, they'd better be." Frank, 
“The LHs look wonderful. If only they 
didn't have wrong-wheel drive. They're 
probably OK for the family, though.” 
Lamm: “OK, they're family cars, but 
they are a good indication of whether or 
not Chrysler will even exist in the next 
five years.” Gross agreed: “I was given a 
sneak preview of the LH and 1 think 
has what it takes to turn Chrysler 
around." Luyendyk looked forward to 
the Ferrari 512 a: "I just love 
Ferraris, that’s why." Yates: “I'll have to 
pick the 600 Mercedes S-Class to see if 
the marketing geni Mercedes- 


ANEL OF 


es at 


LAMM LUYENDYK 


JOHN LAMM: As we went to press, 
Lamm, editor at large for Road & Track 
magazine and Road & Track specials, hod 
photographed the oldest Ferrari in exist- 
ence, an 815. It was o typical assignment 
for this writer/photographer, who spends 
75 percent af his time on the raod in 
pursuit of the latest dream machines. 


ARIE LUYENDYK: A professional roce- 
car driver for the past 20 years, Luyendyk 
made his Indy Cor World Series debut in 
1985 and was named Rookie of the Year. 
In 1990, he wan the Indianapolis 500 
with а record-breaking speed of 185.981 
(if still holds today) and currently is 
ranked sixth among cll PPG CART drivers. 


Benz of North America can actually con- 
vince some rich guys to dump one hun 
dred and fifty thousand dollars into a 
mass-produced sedan that weighs about 
as much as a humvee—which, by the 
way, I'm really eager to see on the stree 
Frank was equally skeptical 
dred years ago,” he said, "men wore 
stuffed codpieces and women had shoes 
with toes so long and pointed that they 
had to be supported with fine gold 
chains. Of course, they couldn't walk in 
them. The soon-to-come V 12 600: 
little like those medieval affectations: ex- 
cess that doesn't mean much. I wish they 
had spent that development time on a 
190 replacement." 

Well, there you have it. Informed, ir- 
reverent and. not always in agreement, 
our panel of experts has had its say 
again. One thing they do concur on, the 
battle for American sales supremacy has 
never been tougher in the car game. De- 
spite rising prices, the need for armak- 
ers to move metal is spurring dr 
discounting, often with stickers s 
before the paint has even dried on new 
19925. If you bargain skillfully, terrific 


buys await. 


UDGES 


Six hun- 


‘STEVENS YATES, 


DAVID STEVENS: A 26-year veteran 
with Playboy, our Senior Editor of Modern 
Living has the enviable task af being re- 
sponsible for features thot include the 
stuff men's dreams are made of—the 
world's fastest and finest cars, the latest 
wines and liquors, hot new electronic 
products and other monly pleasures. 


BROCK YATES: In oddition to being o 
columnist for Car and Driver ond co-hest 
of the Nashville Network's American 
Sports Cavalcade, Yates is a screenwriter 
and author. He recently completed two 
screenplays for director John Franken- 
heimer ond currently is at work on an 
autobiogrophy of George Steinbrenner. 


139 


PLAYBOY 


140 


RACHEL, RACHEL 


(continued from page 70) 


shoes are Manolo Blahnik, size 11. Her 
favorite watch is the Rolex Explorer II. 
Rachel's favorite fast-food restaurant is 
Orange Julius. Her favorite coc 
bloody mary. Her favorite pasta: 
Her favorite appetizer: figs and prosciut- 
to. Her favorite sandwich: avocado, 
tomato, sprouts and mustard. Her fa 
vorite pie is blueberry 

Rachel's favorite flowers are peonies. 
Her favorite smells аге Vicks VapoRub 
and bread baking. Rachel's favorite 
building is Mies van der Rohe's 
Barcelona. Pavilion. Her favorite archi- 
tects are Poppa and his partner, "Mom- 
masan” (her stepmother). 

Her favorite artists are Picasso, Léger, 
Caravaggio, a Japanese агим who 
steams and bends tree trunks, and So- 
phie Calle, who impersonates hotel 
maids so she can photograph guests’ 
possessions. Her favorite authors are 
Gabriel García Márquez, Marguerite 
Yourcenar and Émile Zola. Her favor- 
ite dancer is John Travolta; her favorite 
criminal, Philippe Petit, who walked a 
tighirope between the towers of the 
World Trade Center. The song going 
through Rachel's head is YMCA, by the 
Village People. 

When she gets the hiccups, Rachel 


cures them by tickling the back of her 
throat with her tongue while holding 
her breath. You can fantasize about her 
curing your hiccups this way, but don't 
hold your breath 

Claustro is her favorite phobia. Her 
favorite curse is “fuck a duck.” Her fa- 
vorite cartoon is The Far Side, by Gary 
Larson. Her favorite cartoon character is 
Wile E. Coyote, who she swears lives in 
her back yard in the hills of Beverly. 

Although she’s not especially political, 
Rachel wouldn't mind seeing a President 
who cares about building a future for 
our planet, our children and the poo 
She doesn't want to meet the President; 
she'd rather meet Marlon Brando, or if 
it were possible, Joan of Arc. 

Rachel's favorite name for 
е name for a gas-sta- 
tion attendant is Sandra. Her favorite co- 
median is Sandra Bernhard. She thinks 
Sandra Bernhard should get more rec- 
ognition and maybe should be sainted. 

Rachel's favorite bedtime is midnight 
Her favorite sleeping position is hori- 
zontal. The weirdest dream she ever had 
volved two pink Gumbylike creatures 
trying to drown her because she couldn't 
read. Boy, were they wrong. 

Rachel Williams’ favorite season is the 
mating season, 

Ej 


waitress is 


“I drink because my country needs the tax revenue.” 


„ЛҮ ROMAN HOLIDAY 
(continued from page 88) 


So with every bone in my body yelling, 
"Don't be a schmuck!” I faxed him back 
immediately and told him, “I'll take care 
of everything. Start packing." 

Mick and the history of angina in my 
mily aside, I'm more into paintings 
than ancient ruins, and quite frankly, as 
amazing as some of these sites are, my 
budding existential lifestyle was getting 
me n touch with my horniness 
than with anything else. I saw these 
nbled reminders of the glorious past 
as locations where lots of people screwed 
their brains out. So I dedicated myself, 
on my time away from the filming, to 
finding the woman of my dr 

Being alone is not particularly easy, 
even if you are lucky enough to be sip- 
ping wine at an outdoor café that faces 
the magnificent Pantheon. This is one 
hell of a romantic city. I mean, pigeons 
do it rather than eat bread crumbs from. 
five-star restaurants. Everyone does it, 
will do it, is doing it, plans to do it or, like 
me, is looking to do it. As cautious as I 
have been in practicing safe sex at home 
(in fact, it took a concerned Shaker, who 
was very knowledgeable in sexual eti 
quette, to beg me to stop asking my love: 
to boil herself before we had inter- 
course), it seemed that in Italy, lovemak- 
ing was dangerously carefree. Although 
1 had all the intentions of using con- 
doms, let's face it, it’s like throwing a 
penalty flag in bed. Putting a balloon 
over your dick never fails to ruin your 
“erection, direction or Mafia connec- 
tion” (my apologies, Mr. Dylan). 

My mood continued to decline when I 
discovered that my cologne broke on the 
flight over and drenched my warehouse- 
sized box of condoms, forcing me to use 
sign language in a drugstore to buy pro- 
phylactics. After an hour, the young girl 
waiting on me went into the supply 
room and brought out a curling iron, 
which proved that | needed a beter 
dictionary. 

I had promised myself not to have 
phone sex with any women from the 
States—even though my occasional pre- 
mature-ejaculation problem would have 
saved me a bundle. I mean, is an orgasm 
between you and yourself really worth а 
thousand bucks? Plus, the hotel's opera- 
s listen in, If I'm nothing in the sack, 
m at least the best dirty-talking lover 
side of Columbus, Ohio, and it’s not 
a ball in a hotel to have the doorman say, 
“Good morning, Mr. Lewis, and how is 
your ladyfriend, scum suck my cock you 
pussy slime queen whore bandit of the 
Nile?” Phone sex was definitely out. The 
last thing I needed was a reputation for 
being foulmouthed to get back to Dino 
De Laurentiis, the movie's producer, 
and the cast and crew. 


more 


ams. 


Still determined to fall in love, 
ried sick over the escalation of the bomb- 
g in the Gulf and clutching my script 
for security, I realized that for the first 
time, I could live the life of 


wor- 


back in the States. I could throw myself 
into the film with total self-indulgence, 
just like my actress ex-gi 
When they were on a job, they'd gladly 
ignore me as Lay dying in an emergen- 
cy room and refuse to gi s 
blood if it meant missing out on doing 
another take. Thankfully, I couldn't hurt 
anyone by being selfish because 1 had no 
i not until the moment I first 
saw her, the possible Mrs. Lewis. Lalways 
know its a potential bride when 1 stop 
athing. 


l and either Chi 
п ог African Amer- 


sc 


ican— m re: 


the same i 1 Lalready had for 
her, even ees she was probably mad- 
ly in love with someone else—a pimp. an 
impressionist, whomever, who ca 
There was the chance she might be avail- 
able, so I tried. desperately to make a 
toothpick out of a napkin to remove 
some cheese from between my teeth, 
turned around as subily as I could, spit 
outa piece of pepperoni that was lodged 
somewhere near my former tonsils, 
stood up and, in some kind of primor- 
dial dance (which [attribute to being 
the many weddings my father—may he 
rest in peace—catered so magnificently), 
bunny-hopped over to this raven-haired 
wonder. She laughed. So far so good. 

Hyperventilating in the most sexual 
way E could, I sat down next to her and 
rapher for 
weddings and bar mitzvahs and was look 
ing for an assistant, What happened 
next is a story that I will sadly fill you in 
on later, but. now it's time to tell you 
about the real love of my life there—Once 
Upon a Crime. 


s? 


б 

Once Upon a Crime was being directed 
by yet another idol of mine, E 
Levy. He and his SCTV coho 
my taste, the very best improv troupe ev- 
er on television, right up there with Your 
Show of Shows. V instantly discovered that 
Eugene appeared to be on the verge of 
falling into a deep sleep at any moment, 
even in midsentence. In actuality, it was 
i of concentrating. He 
introduced me to Sean, who was to play 
Phoebe to my Julian, and left us alone to 
t acquainted, not knowing we had al- 
ready met in L 

"Hello, Sc I said as we eyed each 
me in my fur (еуегу- 
even if | were duped into 
, is black) and her in 
hiri with a pattern 
looked like an eye test Picasso might 


al out 


g on Bermuda 


le ds and a T 


© created during his cubist period 
here seemed to be a long pause before 
she shoved me up against a wall and 
threw me down on a cot like some usher 
gone berserk at a heavy-metal concert 
while seating last-minute fans. Upon 
reflection, Sean has this wonderful way 
of getting close to her costars by (in my 
perception) combining stuff like yoga, 
karate, screaming, laughing, slap-hght- 
ig, vou name it 

ОГ course, she didnt realize that 1 
have wick knees, and when she sudd 
ly got me in this nooselike position— 
which to me seemed like the “suicide 
lotus” position—all the tabloid headlines 
about her appeared in holog 
belore me. Then she gave me this 
strangely tough yet tender squeeze th. 
sucked out all my oxygi 
noia about her. As she 


tightened grin, she said, “OK, now I 
guess we're buddies." 
Easy for her to say, but any other guy, 


sandhi, might have flattened the 
bitch for her unexpected physical stu 
But I sort of understood how she wanted 
to reach out in some loving. cosmic way 
and I will always think that her behav- 
ior—even that which seems inappropri- 
ate or pathological—comes from either a 
scared or a good place. Of course, my 
benevolent analysis of her sometimes hy- 
perkinetic actions was somewhat altered 
when she occasionally drew blood, but 
Um certain that it was only accidental 
Em an adult and I didnt have to say yes 
all those times to what I think she 
called—and don't quote me on this—the 
Pit and the Pendulum game, which she 
easily convinced. me was an 
warm-up exercise. 

We rehearsed at the old Pathé Studios, 
a cavernous lot with some of the largest 
sound stages in all the world. Why not, 
considering that it was Dino De Lau 
tis who w 


actors? 


n- 
behind it all. He sort of tran- 
scends whatever project he is working 
on. E could easily see him stopping the 
chariot race during Ben-Hur (had he 
produced it) and demanding that the 
hundred thousand extras “Shut the hell 
up" (put in а more aristocratic way, of 
course) so he could tell his stars where 
he wanted to have dinner with them that 
night. II. God forbid, one of his actors 
tried to back out, there would be a good 
chance the script would be changed on 
the spot, even ıl it meant that Mr. Hur 
came out the loser and the screenwriter 
killed himself 

Thus, I never said no to a dinner in- 
vite by the main man, though Twas 
dally afraid to dine with him because his 
heavy 


accent caused me to lose the 
thread of ma azing stories. At 
our first meal te at his Beverly 


Hills home, I rec 
he would have me fired alter popping a 
surprise quiz with a question like, "What 
the fuck did I say in the last fifteen min- 


paranoid that 


utes?” Eventually, 1 started to compre- 
hend every word of his storytelling, so 
vividly in fact, that T would often reflect 
upon the stories the next day. 

Before trying to sleep at night. I usu- 
ally sat in the famous American Bar at 
the De la Ville, which is run by some of 
the greatest, friendliest bartenders, who 
serve you appetizers until your cardiolo- 
gist appears in a lifesaving hallucination 
and scares them away. I was either going 
over my next scene and jotting down 
any jokes | might want to share with Eu- 
gene, rereading a Richard Yates novel or 
nervously leafing through some new 
tabloids overnighted to me by jealous 
exes. It was hard for me not to be со 
cerned with one headline: ut DIDNT KEEP 
HIS DISTANCE SO 1 HACKSAWED HIM IN HALF. 1 
kept my distance from Sean for lots of 
reasons, not just because she was happi- 
ly married. 

Basically, it was a pleasure to be alonc, 
and, lest you forget, I was—and I say this 
in the strictest feminist. sense—on the 
make and didn’t want to talk to anybody 
except people on the set or to a potential 
new lover, I felt that I desperately need- 
ed a woman to fondle and 
someone with whom I could enjoy res- 
tauranıs, make out on the Spanish Steps 
or simply snuggle under the covers 
while watching the war news on CNN. 

When 1 would get really bummed, 
would visit the Keats-Shelley Memo 
House, which is one of the mo: 
ishing hidden treasures in Rome. "rhe 
last place Keats resided has been mag- 
nificently preserved, with a wonderful 
collection of works by the romantics. 
Even more thrilling was looking out of 
his bedroom window toward the Via 
Condotti, a sort of Fifth Avenue of 
Rome, and spotting a place that became 
my favorite hangout, the Antico Calle 
Greco. More than two centuries old, it 
was [he hangout for artists and lit 
You could just feel the presence of Orson 
Welles and Goethe and Byron and even 
Bufalo Bill, all of whom frequented the 
place before it was surrounded by chic 
stores. 

Once again, 1 discovered a potential 
Mrs. Lewis. This one looked French, per- 
haps, though there was something Dutch 
about her or even maybe Southern Cali 
fornian, Her face was so astonishing that 
you knew she was in show bu: 
though Гус had visitations from M. 
himself telling me to stay away 
a “the biz,” I was too horny to care. 
1 would have been grateful for someone 
whom I could worship, or who would 
p me. With a little luck, perhaps 
1 worship simultaneously. 

She seemed to be talking to herself (a 
problem I could handle if certain other 
ions between us were met, like, for 
her unconditional love) and 
$ studying photographs with a 


nurture, 


1 


rom peo- 


worsh 


we cou 


cond 


141 


PLAYBOY 


142 


type of magnifying glass that lots of 
models use. Between angry snorts and 
Joyous smiles, she would return to talk- 
ing out loud. Finally, stricken with the 
fear that she would leave before 1 had 
the chance to be rejected, I went over to 
her table. She, too, had a Keats book and 
ading his poetry. What a break! It. 
was too good to be true, because I, by 
sheer fate, had memorized the very po- 
em she was reading, On Death 

Her name was Colette and she had to 
get right to bed because she needed at 
least 17 hours of sleep before a shoot. 
She told me to call her in two days, 
which was fine with me. That floating 
period of high expectation is usually the 
most fun anyway and, with all due re- 
spect, she wasn't the only one working 
nextday. 
ice it was my first day on the set, it 
just as well that a potential wife 
б rejected me the night before. As 1 
looked around, I thought, Jesus H. 
Chris! What a place to start! Like a 
rookie pitcher making his debut in Yan- 


“Hello, NASA. Intromi: 


kee Stadium. Im hardly a rookie, but 
shooting a film in Rome with hundreds 
of people—not to mention Dino and Eu- 


gene behind the camera—it was hard 
not to feel some butterflies. I felt like the 
only known Jewish porpoise at Sea 


World that, legend has it, wouldn't do 
tricks on Yom Kippur. 

It was quite a first day, the kind you 
hear about. I got there at seven ^. and 
left at six pur and didn't act for one sec- 
ond. Even so, I thought I was fabulous, 
as did Eugene. He directed patiently 
and was capable at any moment, espe- 

ially when he was a 


spired impro- 
visation to break the tension. Eugene, in 
his own quiet way, asserted much au 
thority and knew exactly what he want- 
ed, and once he got it, he had the nice 
habit of allowing another take for his ac 
tors to do it their way, though his fa- 
vorite take was usually mine as well. 
e 

Sure, Monaco is pretty and all, and 1 

know that royalty lives on this big rock 


sion accomplished, but the 


condom flew off into space.” 


and you can gamble, but after hanging 
out with Bernini and Michelangelo in 
Rome, Astroturf lawns 
rarely left my hotel suite 
cept for an occasional jaunt to the sea 
with Sean, who tried to convince me to 
meditate. Mostly, I counted the days till 1 
could get back to Коте and—voila!— 
ugh the magic of writing, 1 was 
back at the Greco. I felt at peace, 
unfortunately not with myself but with 
some stranger sitting across from mc, 
but, hey, 1 hadn't spoken to my shrink in 
what seemed like ages and I felt it was a 
good sign. I even started to feel good 
about the acting I had been doing until 
the exeruciating realization hit me, 
і ао would feel 


‘as coming to town. 
To this day, he foolishly thinks 
nce in Rome was a positive in- 
fluence on me. I, on the other hand, 
blame him for my declining health, con- 
stipation, a general lethargy about the 
1992 election and an obsession with 
whether or not I will ever get into the 
Mile-High Club. 

But who needs to have sex in à 
cramped airline john when 1 had Greta 
оп her gigantic bed in the Grand Hotel 
for what turned out to be the greatest 
oral sex I had ever had? By the way, the 
only reason I didn't say blow job is: (1) it 
would offend my mother and (2) 1 think 
is a little sexist unless 1 could boast of 
returning the glorious favor. Unfortu- 
nately—maybe this is why Im still a 
bachelor—1 sadly admit to having this 
теак nerve problem in my jaw that not 
only takes away my sexual prowess in 
that arca, but I even have to pace myself 
when I'm eating my favorite steak (no 
pun intended) at the Palm because I can 
get spasms. Luckily, through spending 
many hours m those weird, mystical 
bookshops all over L.A., I have found an 
illustration of how to give a woman a 
tremendous orgasm without its allecting 
my jaw. 

(Author's note: Y must pause here for a 
second because I а ed with guilt. 
I'm proud that 1 can share these feelings 
with you, but I couldn't live with myself 
if by chance this openness caused my 
mother to suffer a life-threatening illness 
and she was overheard on her death bed 
to mutter to her nurse how “my baby 
goes down" on women.) 
Greta the Great was the name I coined 
or her moments afier having the most 
satisfying org: 
that the next d 
to different cal 
vado. “And what does my Greta the 
Great want now?" Well, you might think 
1 was in heaven, but I was (as I later dis- 
covered) in the presence of a brilliant, 
gorgeous, proud lesbian who was busy 

ig à manual on gay lovemal 
wanted, for the sake of research, to give 


head (sorry, Mom) to a guy for compari- 
son. And as it turns out, her mind-bog- 
gling technique was pure luck 

. 

Thank God, Colette was a heterose: 
al. 1 knew this because after the 
shocker, I made her swear to it during 
foreplay. Since coming to Rome, | had 
had the overwhelming desire to make 
love as Julian Peters, my character in the 
film. I did this i тїрї to improve 
my acting technique. It’s not easy acting 
with a guy like Giannini without pulling 
something new from your actor" 
tricks. Of course, an actor of Giannini's 
stature would not need this tomfoolery, 
but his seemingly all-knowing acting 
sense made it easy for him to glide ef- 
fortlessly over to me (gliding eflorilessly 
is yet another of his) the day after my 
experience with Colette and whisper, 
“Don't make love as the character. You 
don’t need it.” He grinned and made his 
way into a sea of admirers, leaving me 
standing there wondering whether he 
was psychic or, more imp 
he had fucked Colette. That bastard! 
How could he? I'd met his wonderful 
wife. They seemed perfect together, so 
my initial fear of his having bedded 
down with Colette quickly evaporated. 
However, it’s fair to report that in Italy, 
the men seem to get a particular kick out 
of publicly announcing their flings to 
just about everyone—terminally ill peo- 
ple. clergy and everybody on the pro- 
duction—and they even have letters of 
approval from adoring wives and girl- 
friends. In a panic, 1 just figured Gian- 
carlo was psychic and let it go at that 

The night before, Colette didn't have 
to be psychic to see that 1 was intent on 
unleashing an awesome display of sexu- 
al prowess. This was going to be my best 
performance ever, making my Carnegie 
Hall show look like some Greenwich Vil- 
lage gig back in the carly Seventies. 
Screw my bad knees. Screw my jaw prob- 
lem. This was going to be the first day of 
the rest of her sexual life. 

We started to neck and it got so steamy 
she insisted on taking a walk before the 
inevitable. Each step away from the bed 
made me want her more and more, but 
just as we got back to the De la Ville, the 
revolving door crashed into my face, 
knod me momentarily senseless. 
‘Two bellhops helped c; 

Colette, perhaps as a h 
10 come, waved at me unsympathctically. 
My last memory of Colette, even under 
those dire circumstances, was t 
figure out the proper tip for Gig and 
Raphael, the two bellboys, By the next 
morning, Colette had disappeared with- 
out a trace. Needless to say, 1 was feeling 
miserable when the doorbell rang. 

“Hiya, buddy boy,” Mick Shaw blurted 
out, adding, “Jesus, you look like shit.” 

Now mind you, though he bares no 
physical resemblance to Max von Sydow 
in The Exorcist—who also was standing 


outside a doorway but dressed in black 
as opposed to Mick's pastel outfit —Mick 
still looked like a Jewish aurora borealis 
with kinky hair. He seemed to have 
something very secretive on his mind, 
besides making my next seven days off 
the most miserable, anxiety-provoking. 
guilt-ridden Roman holiday in histor 
He smirking because he had devised 
a plan on the flight, but he steadfastly re- 
ed to share this with me until East 
Sunday when “we just had to sce the 
Pope at St. Peter's." What Mick wanted 
to tell me was that he had developed a 
plan to make my death easier for him 
What a guy 

As it turned out, Easter was a night- 
mare. Not only did we get to the Va 
about four hours too soon, but the Pope 
very graciously blessed every coun 
coffee klach and semipro baseball 
league, all done alphabetically under a 
torturously hot sun. Worse, I was being 
pushed into a wooden barrier as if 1 
were erroneously being blamed for the 
death of Christ. The Pope is a crowd 
pleaser, though from our vantage point, 
for all we knew, he could have been Flip- 
per. For most people, it's a joyous de 
but not to a Jewish comedian with a heat 
rash on his inner thigh and burdened 
with a friend who has no discernible 
personality: 

1 think it was just about after the thou- 
sandth blessing (and my fuse was very 
short ar this point) 0 1 iously 
thought about murde: "That, 
however, would ruin his idiotic "secret 
death plan." You see, this cheap mai 
felt that since one of us will die first (and 
by the way, we are, inexplicably, great 
friends and really do care for each oth- 
er—in fact, since neither of us has a wile 
and kids, we never eat in the same deli at 
the same time to minimize the possibility 
of having simultaneous heart attacks), he 
figured we should put in our respective 
wills that the first to die gives the other 
$50,000 to help cushion the devastation. 
It would happen something like this: A 
mutual friend would call and say, " Mick- 
ey, Larry. You better sit down.” 

"Why? Whats wrong?” 

Richard's dead. A massive coronary. 
And on stage, too. But that son of a 
bitch, wouldn't you know it, doing all 
new material." 

The tears would start to stre: 
Mick's penny-pinching face. But with 
the new plan he had so sickeningly de- 
vised, a lite smile would soon overtake 
the tears because he had just made a 
bundle off my passing. 

Meanwhile, I w 
St. Peu 
ness for 
never lo leave a show Беба 
sa death in the f Hoping 
best, I told my chum that o 
we were going to turn around 
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PLAYBOY 


144 


Pope-adoring gentiles, keeping oi 
heads down, never stopping until we hit 
the De la Ville. He came through and for 
that, I bought him a book on erections 
because he complained all week that he 
felt he might have a potential problem 


айег seeing “those damn obelisks" all 
over Rome. 
The next morning, Mick's last, as the 


driver was loading his bags, Mick 
reached into his ugly orange sports jack- 
et and pulled out a souvenir ashtray 
from Keats's former pad, which he had 
ed. I was touched—until he told me 
that he hadn't actually gone in but had 
bought it from a vendor out front. With 
a “Ciao, buddy,” I waved goodbye ecstat- 
ically since I could now, once and for all, 
devote myself to Once Upon a Crime. 

1 celebrated with a walk across my fa- 
vorite bridge, the Ponte Sant'Angelo, 
n marvel at the angels dc- 
signed by Bernini. Those geniuses were 
so prolific. And yet, why shouldn't they 
have been? Where could they go? Let's 
assume Dean Martin and Jerry Lewis 
were at the Paramount Theater then 
and a couple of masters were pretty well 
burned out working on ten churches at 
once and said, “Hey, fuck it, let's go get 
some laughs.” It would have taken them 
about sixty years just to get to the Jersey 
side of the Lincoln Tunnel, assuming it 
had been there. So they worked instead. 
And so did L 

"The last day's shooting was coming up 


where you 


“г, 


and I made a mad attempt at revisiting 
the sights and smells that I will always 
cherish. Since there are zillions of guide- 
books, I'm not about to tell you that, for 
example, Michelangelo's original coi 
cept for the palazzo on the Capitoline 
hill was eventually changed by the archi- 
tect Della Porta. Half the fun of visiting 
ities in Italy is finding places on your 
own, by walking if you want to be safe, 
since most [ali drive like madmen 
out of Rollerball, In Rome, dings on 
men's cars arc not so much a source of 
stress and body-shop bills as they 
documentation of how many bars they 
shed into or women they impressed 
h their driving 

Mick, being the obnoxious business- 
man he is, obsessed on all the little open- 
ings in the Colosseum by proposing 
aloud his far bout putting in bou- 
tiques like St. Pizza Pie and St. Undies 
His demented entrepreneurial funk 
aside, that old place truly gives you 
goose bumps, particu when lit up at 


Nr 


night. The last straw for me with Mick 
Е 


when he got us thrown out of the 
Sistine Chapel. He laid on his back and 
screamed like an escaped ment 
tient. "Lewis, there are those two guys 
who are almost touching ıl 
Well, at least he showed some passi 
At the Piazza del Popolo, I suggest you 
walk up the steep sta 
the corner of the Vi 
down at the city, espe 
is setting. take 


wonderful! You just dial a special 
900 number and you gel this crack division oj 
airlifted mercenary paratroops. 


цег a 


you're b 
yourself 

As far as gifts are concerned, 1 don't 
havea clue. Everything I ever bring back 
from abri is greeted with either a 
scared smile or phony thanks. This trip. 
at the last minute, I found a store that 
had autographed codpieces for sale at 
half off. They were supposedly worn by 
gladiators who fought with emotional 
problems. So I made a deal for a hun- 
dred. I'm no fool. 

I sadly had to race through a Dali ex- 
it. It occurred to me that it's easy to 
become drained in even the world's 
atest museums, since many noted 
painters focused mainly on Jesus in his 
most glorious moments. As à result, you 
wind up seeing about foi n ver 
sions of three events. Maybe it’s just me, 
but every once in a while, it would be re- 
fres n unexpected broiler in 
nting or somcone who looks like. 
say, Steve Allen sitting next to a disciple, 
just to whet your palate for the ni 
ee million works on t ame theme. 
s my one complaint, not bad for a 
guy who went cold turkey without thera- 
py for the entire filming. Опе drunk 
tourist told me that he called his shrink 
from his hotel room and it took him al- 
most an hour to put in all the digits from 
his credit card. His session ran about а 
thousand dollars. So, proudly, I survived 
without it and made it to the last day. 
which ended just about as surreal as one. 
might dream it should. 

е 

Although Sean Young wasn't meant to 
be Catwoman, she was the quintessential 
Phoebe. The night we wrapped, she 
threw a catered party lor the crew. | had 
to break away to get back to the hotel to 
pack. 1 got about 50 feet down the 
spooky corridor at the studio and was 
heading toward the Benz for the final 
drive back when I heard something that 
sounded like Eugenes voice: “Ladies 
and gentlemen, Richard Lewis.” | 
oked back at the group of 80 or so peo- 
ple applauding and saw it not only 
through my eyes but also the way 
useppe Rotunno, our director of pho 
raphy, would see it. He had been 
» Fellini during his film making 
times than anyone else. As I stood 
doing some silly bows, I truly feli 
very happy with myself for having stuck 
it out in this business when there were so 
many fucking times I wanted to hang it 
up. Thank God, I stayed around long 
enough to get the chance to be appreci- 
ated by all these warm. eccentric, talent- 
ed people. In the car as I sat back and 
listened to my driver give me kudos in 
his own. incomprehensible n 1 


Ijusted than 1 am, e 


earned the right to say, “I know Rome 


Ei 


THE CONSPIRACY 


(continued from page 78) 


his pilot's job at Eastern Air 
had flown several clandest 
Castro's Cuba and was ра 
ing staff at the Lake Pontchartrain guer- 
а camp. A rare chronic 
(alopecia. praecox) having taken all his 
hair, he wore a wig made out of mohair 
and drew on his cycbrows with a grease 
pencil. He worked out of Banister's 
office, but he also served as a free-lance 
or for G. Wray Gill, a lawyer 
sented Carlos Marcello, the 
her of New Orleans. Ferrie 
reputedly flew Marcello back into the 
United States after his deportation by 
Robert Kennedy in 1961. On the day of 
J-EK.’s murder, Ferrie was with Marcel- 
lo in a New Orleans court as Marcello 
won а verdict against R.E.K.'s effort to 
deport him again. 

But far stranger still among Banister's 
tes in the summer of 1963 was a 


nes, but he 
e flights to 
of the train- 


investi 
who 
Mafia god 


associ 
young ex-Marine named Lee Harvey 
Oswald. 


. 

Au first look, Oswald seems to be a 
creature of contradictions, On doser ex- 
amination, the contradictions. become 
complexities. 

"There was, on the one hand, the pa 
otic Oswald, a true-blue if emotionally 
mixed-up American kid raised in and 
nd New Orleans, New York City 
ort Worth by his widowed (and 


and 
twice-divorced) mother with the help of 


in and uncle “Dutz” Murret, a 
in the Marcello gambling net. As 
a teenager їп New Orleans, Oswald 
joined the local Civil Air Patrol and there 
met David Ferrie, its commander, in 
1955. He tried to join the Marines but 
was rejected. for being underage. He 
went home and memorized the Marine 
Corps manual, and came back to try 
again as soon as he reached 17 in Octo- 
ber 1956, this time succeeding. 
Oswald served his three years ably, 
rated “very compete 1 "brighter 
than most” by his off he Marines 
cleared him for access to the perfor 
of the top-secret 
U-2. They put him in a program of Rus- 
jan-language tra ad instruction 
in the basics of Marxism-Leninism, 
though he were being prepared for in- 
telligence work. Indeed, a Navy intelli 
gence operative named Gerry Hemming 
1 thought as far back as 1959 that Os- 
wald was "some type of agent" The 
House Select Committee on Assassina- 
tions noted that “the question of Os- 
wald's possible affiliation with military 
intelligence could not be fully resolved. 
On the other hand, there was Oswald. 
the traitor, With only three months to go 
in the Marines, rather than await the 
normal d rge process, he applied for 
dship discharge for no good reason 


n- 


(citing a minor and already-healed in- 
to his mother’s foot), then hurried 
to the Soviet Union. After two and a half 
years of Soviet communism, Oswald re- 
canted, Now with a Russian w ind 

daughter in tow, he returned to the 
United States, expla noa written 
ететі that “the Sovi уе commit- 
ted crimes unsurpassed even by their 

rly-day capi 

So was he a good ран No, 
now he announced himself to be a mem- 
ber of the Communist Party and became 
the founding and sole member of the 
New Orleans chapter of the Fair Play for 
Cuba Committee, three times passing 
out pro-Castro leaflets in New Orleans. 

Yet, paradoxically, Oswald's frequent 
companion that summer in New Oi 
was the militant anticommunist Da 
rie, h whom he had joined 
loud public condemnations of Castro 
and J.ER. During this same period, Os- 
wald also spent time with Banister. He 
stamped Banister's office address on his 
pro-Castro leaflets and stored his extra 
copies there. He and Banister twice vis- 
ited the campus of Louisiana State 
University and made themselves con- 
spicuous in discussions with students in 
which their main theme was that J.F.K. 
was a traitor. Not once during this ti 
did Oswald associate with anyone actual- 
ly sympathetic to Castro. 

Oswald left New Orleans on Septem- 
ber 25, 1963, and on the next day in 
Mexico City, according to the Warren re- 
construction, registered as O. H. Le 
the Hotel del Comercio, a meeting | 
for anti-Castro Cuban exiles. He spent 
the next several days trying to get visas 
for travel to Cuba and the Soviet Union. 
In the process, he got into a prolonged 
row with a Cuban consular official. 

The CIA had the Soviet and Cuban 
embassies staked out. It was later able to 
produce several photos of Oswald taken 
at these sites—as well as to supply tapes 
of several phone conversations between 
a Soviet embassy official and a man call- 
ing himself Oswald. There was a prob- 
lem with the photos: They showed a 
large, powerfully built man in his mid- 
05 not in the least resembling Oswald. 
And there was a problem with the tapes: 
The CIA destroyed them, and the tran- 
scriptions contained garbled Russian, 
as Oswald was considered to be 
Russian. Even the row with the 
n ollicial presented a problem: In- 
the Select Committee on 
ions in 1978, the official said 
ald was not the same one as the 
man arrested Dallas. Moreover, two 

ТА spies working inside the Cuban con- 
sulate in 1963 a "the real Os- 
ald never ” They told the 
House Committee that they sensed 
“something weird was going on” in the 
Oswald incident. 

Th is also abundant evidence that 
Oswald was often impersonated quite 


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apart from the alleged Mexico 

Item: An FBI memo dated January 3, 
1960, noted that “there is a possibility 
that an impostor is using Oswald’s birth 
certificate.” The real Oswald was in the 
Soviet Union at this time. 

Item: Two salesmen at the Bolton 
Ford dealership in New Orleans were 
visited on January 20, 1961, by a Lee Os- 
wald in the company of a powerfully 
built Latino. Oswald was looking for a 
deal on ten pickup trucks needed by the 
Friends of Democratic Cuba. On this 
date, Oswald was in the Soviet Union. 

Item: On September 25, 1963, а man 
calling himself Harvey Oswald showed 
up at the Selective Service office in 
Austin to request help in getting his dis- 
charge upgraded from undesirable. On 
this date, Oswald was supposedly in 
transit to Mexico City. 

Item: A highly credible Cuban émigré 
Sylvia Odio, told the Warren Commi: 
sion that she was visited in Dallas by O: 
wald and two other men recruiting 
support for the anti-Castro cause. On 
the date of this encounter, the Warren 
Commission placed Oswald either in 
New Orleans or en route to Mexico. 

Item: On November 1, 1963, a man 
later identified by three witnesses as Os- 
wald entered a gun shop in Fort Worth 
and made a nuisance of himself while 


buying ammun The Warren Com- 
mission had evidence that Oswald was at 
work in Dallas that day. 

Item: On November 9, 1963, when 
on evidence placed 
Oswald at home in Irving, Texas, a man 
calling himself Lee Oswald walked into a 
Lincoln-Mercury showroom in Dallas 
and asked to take a car for a test drive. 
The salesman found the ride unforget- 
table in that Oswald reached speeds of 
70 miles an hour while delivering a ha- 
rangue about capitalist credit and the su- 
periority of the Soviet system. Oswald, in 
fact, did not know how to drive a car. 


Curiouser and curiouser, this Oswald 
who was all over the map and all over 
the political spectrum, in New Orleans 
and Fort Worth and Austin and Mexico 
City all at once, here a radical and there 
actionary. What to make of this man? 

“This question became a very practical 
one for me,” says Garrison, “on the da 
the President was killed and Oswald's 
picture was flashed around the world. As 
his résumé filled in over the next day 
and we found that he'd spent that sum- 
mer in New Orleans, it became my duty 
as D.A. to see what we could find out 
about him." 
ison soon discovered Oswald's 
ties to Ferrie. He brought Ferrie in for 


questioning on Monday the 25th, the 
day after Ruby murdered Oswald, then 
turned Ferrie over to the FBI for further 
questioning. “In those days,” Garrison 
recalls, "I still believed in the FBL They 
questioned Ferrie, found him clean and 
released him with a strange statement to 
the effect that they wouldn't have arrest- 
ed him in the first place, that it was all 
my idea. Then they put a SECRET stamp 
on their forty-page interrogation report. 
But what did I know? I had burglaries 
and armed robberies to worry about. I 
went back to the real world. 1 was happy 
to do so.” 


. 

Garrison's happy life in the real world 
came to an end for good about three 
years later. He at first saw no problem 
when the Warren Report was published 
in September 1964, holding that Oswald 
was a lone nut and Ruby another one. 
“Warren was a great judge and, one 
thought, wholly honest." Here and there 
a few spoilsports—Mark Lane, Edward 
J. Epstein, Harold Weisberg, Penn 
Jones, Sylvia Meagher, Josiah Thomp- 
son—were discovering "problems with 
ren's double lone-nut thesis, but 
Garrison was inclined as most Americans 
were to go along with it. "It seemed the 
easiest position to take," he sajs, "espe- 
cially since the war in Vietnam was get- 
ting nasty and Americans of critical spirit 
were now caught up more in the myster- 
ies of Saigon than in those of Dealey 
Plaza." 

Then in 1966 came a fateful chance 
meeting with Louisiana's Senator Rus- 
sell Long. The conversation turned to 
the Kennedy case. Long astounded Gar- 
tison by saying, “Those fellows on the 
Warren Commission were dead wrong. 
There's no way in the world that one 
man could have shot up Jack Kennedy 
that way.” 

Garrison immediately ordered the 
n Report plus the 26 volumes of 
ngs and exhibits. He plunged in, 
g his evenings and weekends to 


its heal 


He expected to find “a professional 
vestigation,” he says, but “found not! 
of the sort . There were promising 
leads everywhere that were never fol 
lowed up, contradictions in the lon 
sassin theory that were never resolved.” 
rticular, he was troubled by evi- 
dence that 

* Shots were fired from the so-called 
grassy knoll to the front and right of 
Ј-ЕК. as well as from behind. 

* The maximum number of shots the 
alleged murder weapon could have fired 
was inadequate to account for the to- 
tal number of bullet holes found in 
Kennedy and Texas Governor John 
Connally (who barely survived) unless 
one of the bullets had magically changed 
its direction in mid-flight. 

e Nitrate tests performed on Oswald 
when he was arrested supported his 


claim that he had not fired a rifle in the 
previous 24 hours. 

* Oswald appeared to have been 
uained as an intelligence agent in the 
Marines, which implied that his awk. 
ward display of sympathy for commu- 
nism was phony. 

Any one of these possibilities, Garrison 
realized, was enough to reduce the Os- 
wald-acting-alone theory to ruins. “I was 
stunned," he says. "There were nights 
couldn't sleep." 

Finally, in. November 1966, as he puts 
it, "I bit the magic bullet.” Basing his ju- 
risdiction on Oswald's 1963 summer in 
New Orleans, he secretly opened an in- 
vestigation into the Presidents murder. 

P 

Of the four New Orleanians of prima- 
ry interest to on, the most interest- 
ing of all was Oswald himself, since 
Oswald had in a sense become Garri- 
son's client. But he was dead. Next most 
interesting was Guy Banister, clearly at 
the center of New Orleans! anti-Castro 
scene. But Banister had died, too, of a 
heart attack in 1964. 

Third came David Ferrie, quite alive 
in 1966. Garrison's investigators started 
compiling a portrait of Ferrie as a talent- 
ed and impassioned anticommunist, a 
far-right soldier of fortune whose rela- 
tionship with the reputedly procommu- 
nist Oswald during the summer of 1963 
posed a question crucial to the clarifi- 
cation of Oswald's purposes—namely, as 
Ganison puts it, "What the hell were 
these guys doing together: 

By reconstructing the 1963 rclation- 
ships of Oswald with Ferrie and Banister, 
Garrison hoped finally to make sense of 
the bundle of contradictions that was Os- 
wald. But he never got a chance to do a 
proper job of it. 

А bright young reporter for the New 
Orleans States-ltem, Rosemary James, was 
routinely nosing through the D.A.'s budg- 
et in February 1967 when she noticed 
some unusual expenses. Garrison's men 
had spent some $8000 during the previ- 
ous three months on such things as trips 
to Texas and Florida. What could they 
be up to? A few questions later and she 
had the story. 

DA. HERE LAUNCHES FULL JER. DEATH 
PLOY PROBE read the headline on the 
February 17 Stales-Item. MYSTERIOUS TRIPS 
COST LARGE SUMS. James's lead ran, “The 
Orleans parish district attorney's office 
has launched an intensive investigation 
into the circumstances surrounding the 
assassination of President John Е 
Kennedy." 

In the ensuing pandemonium, Garri 
son found himself under enormous 
pressure from city hall and the medi 
He felt he had begun to build a 
conspiracy case against Ferrie i 
Ferrie dearly hated J.EK. and clearly 
had a tie to Oswald, but that it was still 
not time to arrest him. His май 
meeting to debate the timing of Ferrie's 


arrest when word came that Ferrie had 
been found dead in his apartment, killed 
byab m. The coroner ruled 


the cause of death as natural, but Garri- 


son saw indications of suicide: an empty 
bottle of Proloid—a medicine that could 
have pushed the hypertense Ferrie's 
metabolism over the red line—plus two 
typewritten and unsigned suicide notes. 

Within hours came a report that Fer- 
ries militant anGcommunist comrade, 
Eladio del Valle, had been found in a car 
in Miami, shot point-blank through the 
heart and with his head hatcheted open. 

Now what? The stage was filled with 
enough dead bodies for an Elizabethan 


tragedy, and two of Garrison's key sus- 
pects were among them. Just one other 
was left. 


° 

Clay Shaw, born in 1913, was one of 
New Orleans’ best known and most im- 
pressive citizens, a charming, richly cul- 
tivated and cosmopolitan businessman, a 
much-decorated Army officer during 
World War Tivo detailed to the Office of 
Special Services and a founder and di- 
rector of the International Trade Mart, a 
company specializing in commercial ex- 
positions. Shaw retired in 1965 to pur- 
sue interests in the arts, playwrighting 
and the restoration of the French Quar- 
ter, where he lived. He was a silver- 


haired, handsome bon vivant with high 
cheekbones, a ruddy complexion and an 
imposing six-foot-four frame. 
Garrison had come to believe that he 
s part of the J.EK. conspiracy. Re- 
search had turned up indications that 
Shaw was the mysterious Clay Bertrand 
who had phoned New Orleans attorney 
Dean Andrews on the day after the 
J.EK. hit to see if Andrews could ar- 
range legal representation for Oswald 
Garrison had found that Shaw led a dou- 
ble life in the New Orleans gay commu- 
nity and that Shaw was a friend of 
Ferrie's, who had been his pilot on at 
least one round trip to Montreal. Garri- 
son had a witness, Perry Russo, who 
claimed to have been present when Fer- 
rie, Shaw and a man Russo thought was 
Oswald discussed assassinating J.F.K. 
More important, one of the О.А. as- 
sistants, Andrew Sciambra, had discov- 
ered an Oswald-Shaw link in Clinton, a 
rural Louisiana town. Dozens of people 
had seen Oswald in Clinton on two occa- 
sions in early September 1963, once as а 
passenger in a battered old car driven by 
a young woman and later in a shiny 
black Cadillac with two other men who 
waited for hours while Oswald, the only 
white in a long line of blacks, tried un- 
successfully to register to vote. Five Clin- 
ton witnesses testified that the men with 


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Oswald were David Fe 
Shaw. The lc 
strange C 
cense plate to the International 
Mart. He talked to the driver and later, 
at the trial, identified him as Shaw. 
Garrison knew that such fragments 
didn't add up to an airtight conspirac 
case. When I asked him if he wa 
prised to lose, he said, “Not really. 
too good a › 
to trial against Clay Shaw? Because 1 
knew that somehow I had stumbled 
across the big toe of someone who was 
involved in one of the biggest crimes in 
histor nd I was not about to become 


Tm 
ial lawyer. So why did 1 go 


on who did that and then let go 
and said, 


‘Oh, I might be violating a 


k, does he think this was 


If it was an error, then it was an error 
that 1 was obliged to make.” 

But Garrison did not leap blindly into 
the prosecution of one of New Orleans” 
leading citizens. He first presented his 
evidence to a panel of three judges. 
‘They told him he had a case, Then he 
sented the evidence to a 12-member 
nd jury. The grand jury also ruled 
that there was sufficient evidence to try 
Shaw. And at that point, the decision was 
out of Garrison's hands: The law re- 
quired him to proceed. Shaw's lawyers 
went all the way to the Supreme Court 
with an argument that the case should be 
thrown out, and they lost. After Shaw 


was acquitted, he filed a $5,000,000 
damages suit against Garrison for 
wrongful prosecution; the Supreme 
Court dismissed it. 


But Garrison's case ran into many 
strange. problems. One of his assistants 
provided the list of state's witnesses to 
Shaw's attorneys. An FBI agent with de 
tailed knowledge of anti-Castro projects 
in New Orleans refused to testify for the 
prosecution, pleading executive р 
lege. The U.S. Attorne 
D.C., “declined” to serve Ga 
poena on Allen Dulles, CIA chief at the 
time of the Bay of Pigs, who was in a pò- 
sition to clarify the relationship between 
Ferrie, Banister, Shaw and the CLA. The 
governors of Ohio, Nebraska and other 
states refused on technical grounds to 
honor Garrison's requests for the extra- 
dition of important witnesses. A federal 
agent told Garrison privately—but re- 
fused to testify—that Ferrie, Shaw and 
ister were involved in handling Os- 
wald. A witness critical to establishing 
that Shaw used the alias Clay Bertrand, a 
key issue, was not allowed to present his 
evidence. 
me of these difficulties may have 
arisen because, as later became known, 
both Shaw and Ferrie were contract 
agents of the CIA. This was revealed in 
1974 when a former aide to CIA director 
Richard Helms, Victor Marchetti, noted 
he had heard Helms wonder aloud if the 


CIA were giving Shaw and Ferrie "all the 
help they need.” 

Without this knowledge, the jury got 
the case on March 1, 1969, two years to 
the day after Shaw's arrest. It took a little 
less than an hour to conclude unani- 
mously that Shaw was not guilty of con- 
spiring to kill Kennedy. In posttr 
interviews, some jurors said © 
convinced them that a conspiracy 
ed but not that Shaw had been a part of 
it. The Garrison who two years previous- 
ly had promised, “We are going to win 
this case, and everyone who bets against 
us is going to lose his money,” could n, 
sit down for a long, slow chew 
The loss didn't hurt him at the polls. 
He recorded his most lopsided victor: 
ever in the elections of 1969. 

But the story wasn't over. 

. 

arrison had just risen from his 
breakfast and was still in his pajamas а 
robe when the doorbell rang. It was a 
posse of IRS men, there to arrest him on 
a charge of allowing pinball gambling in 
exchange for a bribe 

s was June 30, 1971. About two 
years later, in August 1973, the trial was 
held, Garrison arguing his own case 
(with the donated help of F. Lee Bailey). 
His defense revolved around one power- 
ful basic point, namely, that the govern- 
ments star witness against him, hi 
former wartime buddy and colleague, 
Pershing Gervais, had been bribed by 
the government to make the accusation. 

Garrison acquitted of the bribery 
charge as well as of a follow-up charge of 
tax evasion the government pressed 
against him in 1974. “A thing like that,” 
he says, “can be enjoyable if you have a 
cause and you're wrapped up in it. Га 
say it was one of the high spots of my life 
It was nothing to feel sorry about. I nev- 
er went to bed h tears on my pillow." 

But another kind of attack on Garri- 
son began about this time, most often in 
the work of other conspiracy theorists 
who began to wonder why Garrison said 
nothing about Mafia involvement in the 
JFK. hit There were Mobsters all 
around Jack Ruby. The New Orleans 
godfather, Carlos Marcello, was right in 
Garrison’: k l. A Marcello. ary 
worl Э 
cello the дау Ј.ЕК. was thot Yet Care 
med 10 ignore all this 
harge is raised by writers (no- 


Davis) who champion a Mafia-did-it the- 
ory of the crime and who themselves 
spend little ink on the evidence poi 
to renegade federal agents. But € 
sition on Mafia involvement was 
n the 1979 report of the Select 
Committee ions (Blakey 

1 
of organized 


on Assassin; 


was its chief counsel), which stated th 


“the national syndicate 
crime, was not involved 
inthea As for the presence 
of individual Mobsters, Garrison. was 


among the first to see it. An FBI memo 
of March 28, 1967, reported that "€ 
son plans to indict Carlos Marcello in the 
Kennedy assassination. conspiracy be- 
cause Garrison believes Marcello is tied 
up in some way with Jack Ruby." Accord- 


ing to another FBI memo, June 10, 
Attorney Garrison. be- 
ized crime was responsi- 


the memo 
ar that 
the Mafi d to blame the crime on 
Castro US. retaliation 
that would lead to restoration of the 
Mafia’s control of Cuban casinos. 

More recently, Garrison has written 
that “Mob-related individuals do figure 
п the sci l, the CIA and 
the Мап, interest in Castro's 
overthrow, ay is evident in their murder- 
ous alliance of Task Force W. 

But Garrison does not believe that the 
Mafia could have set up Oswald, con- 
trolled the investigation of the crime and 
influenced the conclusions reached by 
the Warren Commission. “The CIA 
hired the Mafia,” he points out, “not the 
other wa ound. If Carlos Marcello 
had killed LEK. on his own, he would 


for the assassination, 


ble 
going on to expla 


never have gotten away with 

The тегиз of the ClA-s.-Mafia. de- 
bate aside, however, this was not a great 
time for Garrison. He lost a close race in 


the next election, and in 1974 left the 
т 12 years of service. He 
lls 


D.A.s office af 
spent the next few years in what he ca 
his interregnum, a period ol relative qu 
et in which he wrote his one novel, 7 
Star-Spangled Contract, a fictional treat- 
ment of his view of the J-F.K. hit, That 
period ended in his successful campaign 
for a seat on the Lo а court of ap- 
peals in 1977. He was inaugurated to a 
ten-year term in 1978 and reelected in 
1987. He reached mandatory retirement 
e of 70 in November 1991 
. 

During the Seventies, the ЕК. case 
suddenly shot forward. Watergate and 
the resignation of President Nixon had 
already put the country in a mood to lis- 
ten 10 conspiracy ies when Mafia 
boss Sam Gi was shot down in his 
home on June 19, 1975, five days before 
he was to testify to a Senate committee. 
On July 28, 1976, mafioso John Roselli 


was asphyxiated, dismembered and 
dumped into Miami's Dumfoundling 
Bay. Giane nd Roselli had both been 


deeply involved in the CIA-Mafia plots 
The atmosphere created by these events 
persuaded the House of Representatives 
by a vote of 280-65 to enact H.Res. 
1540, which established the Select Com- 
mittee on Assassinations. 

hat was September 17, 1976. Two 
and a half y 


” in the death 
n the 1968 
death of Martin Luther King, Jr. In 
neither case could the House committee 


ofler a solution. 

But then came the Reagan years. The 
new Justice Department found the con- 
spiracy evidence unconvincing and de- 
cided not to bother about it. And there 
the case has stood for the past decade— 
т for want 
ncihing to do but for want of a gov- 
ment with the will to do it.” 

. 


"stuck," as Garrison says. 
of sc 


But Garrison is not resigned. 


demand 


just as though he still expect- 
ed an answer. “That question is not go- 
ng to disappear. no matter what the 
government does or does not do. It may 
le into the background sometimes, 
but something will always evoke it again, 
as Oliver's movie is about to do now. It's 
basic to who we a people. We can 
no more escape it than Hamlet can es- 
cape his father's ghost. 

But what can Hamlet 


do three 


decades later? 


"here's a lot to do,” says Garrison, 
nd since well over half the American 
people still gag on the lone-nut theory. 
there would suppor 
constituenc 
Garrison's program: 

“First, open the files that the М 
Commission and the House committee 
classified as secret until the year 2039. 

"Second. declassify the House com- 
mittee's so-called Lopez Report, a 26: 
page document оп Oswald's supposed 
trip to Mexico. Lopez himself has said he 
believes Oswald was set up. Why is this 
report still secret? 

“Third, declassify all the files on Oper- 
ation Mongoose and the CIA-Mafia 
murder plots The Mongoose group 
seems to be at the center of the J.ER. 
conspiracy. We need to know every de- 
tail about 

“And, no, these steps will not crack the 
case, but they will help us understand it 
better, and we can move on from there 
Someone else who had put so much 
nto such a cause and who had so often 
been abused for his pains might feel de- 
feated to have to settle for such small de- 
mands small 
as they are, they are almost certainly not 
going to be met. 

But Garrison doesn't see it that way. 
he fight itself has been a most worthy 
one,” he says quietly, “Most people go 
through their lives without the opport 
nity to serve an important cause, It's true 
that Гуе made some mistakes and had 
some setbacks. But who knows? To man- 
handle a line trom The Rubanat: The 
moving finger has not stopped moving 
on yet. The full story's not ir 

Mis smile becomes a Бе; 
dances in his eyes. 

“Clarence Darrow lost the Scopes tri- 
al" he says. "But who remembers that 


today?" 


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Bugsy Siegel 

(continued from page 130) 
using violence in those days. But Siegel 
had а true gift for applied aggression 
Any weapon would do: fists, feet, lead 
pipes or guns. 

At one point, Siegel was a cabdriver, 
probably out of Lansky's garage, most 
likely as a cover for delivering rotgut to 
prized customers. He certainly wasn't 
driving a cab to make a living; one biog- 
rapher claims that Siegel handed out 
business cards to the guzzlers 

But Prohibition wasn't simply a time 
for home delivery. In their campaign to 
escape from the ghetto, Lansky and 
Siegel had larger ambitions. They even 
had what is now called a role model: a 
suave gambler named Arnold Rothstein. 
Before the war, Rothstein had perfected 
the alliance between racket guys and 
politicians in the belief that crime was a 
business like any other. It followed one 
basic rule of capitalism: You had to 
spend money to make money. Ihe more 
you spent on the corruption of politi- 
cians, cops and judges, the more you 
would make later. You followed the rules 
of the market, giving the customers what. 
they wanted. Image was important: You 
dressed carefully, you had good man- 
ners, you kept your word, you recruited 
younger men in an intell 
lic 
for business 

By the time Rothstein was murdered 
in 1928, the gangster style had been set, 
and nobody personified it better than 
Siegel. As he and Lansky moved up from 
protecting cargo to running their own 
bootlegging network, the money rolled 
in. The boys moved uptown. Siegel 
began to dress elegantly. He moved 
through the rowdy nightside of New 
York with showgirls or fancy hookers on 
his arm and was greeted like a young 
prince in the speak-easies. He carried a 
thick roll of cash and moved into a suite 
in the Waldorf Astoria, a few floors below 
Charlie Lucky. Park Avenue, at last. No 
more roaches. No more bathtub in the 
kitchen. Ben Siegel had escaped from 
Williamsburg. He was never going back. 

There were some minor detours. 
Siegel was arrested in Philadelphia for 
carrying a concealed pistol but jumped 
һай and never returned, Mysteriously, 
the cops in Philly sent his mug shot to 
New York but never asked for Siegel's 
extradition. In. 1929, he was arrested 
ain in New York. This time the charge 
was more serious: dealing heroin. But 
Siegel's luck held. The charge was dis- 
ed, this time for lack of evidence. 

Throughout his career, Siegel had a 
way of avoiding the jailhouse. As Boss 
Tweed once remarked, it’s better to 
know the judge than to know the law. 

‘The same year that he was arrested on 
the d charge, Siegel married Estelle 
Krakower. Lansky also chose to marry, 


taking Anne Citron for his bride. The 
two friends decided to have a combined 
ceremony. with Ben and Meyer serving 
as best man for each other. Marriage was 
a big change in Siegel's life. He had to 
plan his moves beyond Saturday night. 
As always, Lansky led the way. 

On May 13th, Lansky traveled to 
Atlantic City for a national convention of 
major hoodlums, usually considered the 
constitutional convention of the Mob. 
The hoods began to plan for the in- 
evitable end of the noble experiment. 
Some even talked about setting up a 
fund for going legitimate. "After all," Lu- 
ciano asked, “who knows more about the 
liquor business than us?" 

Urged on by Lansky, who wanted his 
friend to settle into a less-flamboyant 
style, Siegel sought a piece of legitimacy 
himself. He bought a Tudor-style home 
in Scarsdale, the exclusive suburb just 
above New York City. When Wall Street 
laid its famous egg. some of Siegel's 
neighbors leaped out of windows in 
downtown Manhattan. But for a while, 
Siegel only got richer. Estelle soon gave 
birth to a daughter named Millicent, fol- 
lowed two years later by Barba 

The mask of bourgeois respectability 
didn't even slip on April 15, 1931, when 
Siegel took part in one of the most sig- 
nificant murders іп Mob history. That 
day, at the Nuovo a Tammaro in 
Coney Island, Luciano dined with Joe 
“the Boss" Masseria, the last of the 
old-time mustache Petes. At one point, 
Luciano excused himself and went to the 
men's room. In walked Siegel and three 
other men. They blasted Masscria into 
eternity. Outside, the driver of the get- 
away car froze in panic at the wheel 
Siegel shoved him aside and drove the 
hit men back to Manhattan. He had 
plenty of time for dinner in Scarsdale 

Then on November 12, 1931, the cops 
raided a conference at the Hotel Franco- 
nia on West 72nd Street and, for the first 
name appeared in à New 
newspaper. He was in the company 
of eight men, including Louis "Lepke 
Buchalter, Harry “Big Greenie” Green- 
berg, Jacob "Gurrah" Shapiro and 
Joseph “Doc” Stacher. These were some 
of the most murderous hoodlums in the 
history of the Mob. A few years later they 
would become famous as executives of 
Murder, Inc. 

But on that evening in 1931, the cops 
had nothing on any of them. They were 
photographed in their overcoats and 
wide-brim hats and released at the sta- 
tion house. Siegel went into one of his 
patented rages. He hired a lawyer and 
insisted that his mug shots and finger 
prints be erased. Again, a judge agreed 
But the arrest demonstrated that Siegel 
was more than a charmer with baby-hlue 
eyes; he was involved with some of the 
most ruthless killers in New York. Years 
later, Siegel admitted that he personally 


had murdered 12 me “But don't wor 

ry," he said. “We only Kill each other.” 
. 

Siegel went west in 1936 


were complicated. Tom Dewey was now 
special prosecutor in New (later 
district attorney). Urged on by New 


York's Hamboyant mayor, Fiorello Н. La 
Guardia, he was directing the toughe 
investigation of organized crime in the 
city's history. The heat, as they said, was 
on. Siegel wanted to get out of the way. 
Another reason was economic. The 
city was bogged down in the Great De- 
pression, and even the racket guys we 
beginning to feel the pinch. Of all the 
old bootleggers, only Siegel seemed to 
be without his own fiefdom. He couldn't 
shoot his way into personal power in 
New York; he didn't have the manpower 
and, besides, these were his friends. So 
when Dewey applied the big heat, 
Siegel—possibly at Lanskys sugges- 
tion— went to California. In 1936, th. 
state was not the economic powerhouse 
it is today: in many ways it was provin- 


cial, underpopulated, isolated from the 
mainstream. But Siegel loved it. The 
hard desert colors, the palm trees bend- 


ing in the breeze, the beaches spreading 
away to north and south, the glassy ex- 
panse of the Pacific: This was as lar from. 
the hard dark alleys of Williamsburg as a 
man could go. And it had Hollywood. 

Ben Siegel acted as if he'd walked into 
a dream. Through Louis Lepke he had 
introductions to Willie Bioff and George 
Browne, two Chicago hoodlums who 
had muscled their way into the Int 
tional Alliance of Theatrical and Stage 
Employees in Hollywood and were shak- 
ing down the studios. Siegel immediate- 
ly understood that Biolf and Browne 
were imbeciles, but they were also rich 
he then got his own union, the screen 
extras’, and began collecting dues from 
the studios. 

Instinctively, he understood that Hol- 
lywood loved a glossy front. He leased 
the 5: n of opera singer 
Lawrence at McCarthy 
Drive in Beverly Hills. He parked a new 
Cadillac and a new Buick in the driv 
way, later adding a Duesenberg. More 
impor he called on George Rati. 
The movie gangster had grown up Jew- 
ish among the Irish gangs of Hells 
Kitchen. He dropped out of school at 13 
and had become a prize fighter, a pool 
shark, a ballroom dancer and a gigolo. 
Siegel’s kind of guy. They met in the gin 
joints of the Twenties, then lost touch 
when Rafi went to California and be- 
came a movie star in Scarface. Now, in 
the Thirties, the real gangster came 
knocking on the movie gangster's door. 
They became friends. 

“Benny took 


personal interest in 
motion. pictures,” Raft told his bio; 
Lewis Yablonsky. "He bought cam- 
projectors and other equipment 
and often came to the studios to watch 


the technical processes. He asked me to 
photograph him one day and | took 
some footage of him with his camera in 
my dressing room, and he later showed 
the film at home. I had a hunch that, like 
a lot of people, he was a frustrated actor 
and secretly wanted a movi er; but 
he never quite had nerve enough to ask 
for a part in one of my pictures." 

He did play a part in the life of Holly- 
wood. Siegel brought his wife and two 
daughters to California. He gave his 
girls horseback-riding lessons and en- 
rolled them in the best private schools. 
He joined the exclusive Hillcrest Cou 
try Club (formed as an alternative to the 
anti-Semitic clubs of the Los Angeles es- 
tablishment), He played golf. He had his 
shirts, суеп his underwear, adorned with 
monograms. He had his thinning | 
done at Drucker’s barber shop in Bever- 
ly Hill. He was vain about his good 
looks and was said to use a variety of skin 
creams and to sleep wearing a chin 
strap. He dieted, drank very little, 
smoked one cigar a day and worked out 
ata gym. A perfect Hollywood man. 

He was also a social cr . He went 
with Raft to Hollywood parties and such 
clubs as the Brown Derby, Ciro's and the 
Mocambo. His name made an occasional 
column, where he was described as a 
sportsman. If anybody knew about the 
bad old days in New York, it was nev 

mentioned. And nobody called him 
Bugsy. Soon his friends included Cary 
Jessel, 
While his 
gel went 


Mark Hellinger, Ja 
wife Estelle stayed at home, < 
out with a series of starlets, usi 
ding them at a priv 
Garden of Allah. He 
the British actress Wendy Barrie and the 
luscious Marie McDonald, and had a 
long affair with the Countess Dorothy di 
Frasso. Class, he said. He wanted class. 
The affair with Di Frasso was the most 
enduring. The countess the former 
Dorothy Taylor, an American heiress 
who married an Italian count and who 
lived a life that was a combination of 
Henry James's and Hedda Hopper's. 
She was older than Siegel, a famous giv- 
er of parties, a character around the 
town. Their affair led to one of Siegel 
more Runyonesque adventures and the 
end of his immunity from publicity. In 
September 1938, he sailed off with thc 
countess on a schooner called the Metha 
Nelson, which had been used during the 
shooting of Mutiny on the Bounty. The 
destination was the Cocos Island, off 
Costa Rica, where $90,000,000 in pirate 
gold was supposed to be buried, The 
whole voyage swiftly turned loony. They 
reached the island all right, but for more 
than a week, the gangster, the countess 
and their various attendants foundered 
around in the sands, guided by a trea 
ure map. All they found were some rust 
ed shovels from an earlier expedition 
Siegel finally took charge, ordering the 


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PLAYBOY 


152 


captain, a naturalized German, to get 
him out of there. 
gel was dropped off at Panama 
while the furious countess remained on 
board the ship of fools. The Metha Nel- 
son then sailed right into a tropical 
storm and had to be towed by a passing 
Italian freighter to the port of Acapulco. 
Sale on shore, the German captain 
charged mutiny and the story made the 
newspapers back home. The Los Angeles 
Examiner dubbed it the Hell Ship, relat- 
ed the hilarious fiascos in Hearstian de- 
tail and finally broke the story that one 
of the voyagers was that notorious gang- 
ster from the Eas Siegel. 

That was the beginning of 
cline in Hollywood, though he didn't 
ki the time. 


gel's de- 


The Examiner wrote 
story after story about him, and even the 
intercession of so newspaper- 
man as Mark Hellinger didn't silence 
them. Soon the questions about Siegel's 
occupation were being answered. What 
did he do? He had the extras’ union. He 
had a piece of a gambling ship called 
The Rex and of the race track at Agua 
Caliente, across the border from San 
Diego in Mexico. He had established 
himself as the Mob superior to Jack 
Dragna, the old boss of the LA. т 
ets. The countess defended him: “Yes, 
Ben... may have done some wicked 
things, but at heart, he is a good man." 

Others disagreed. The board at Hill- 
crest lorced him to give up his member- 
ship. The cops started ing attention. 
He was questioned about the where- 
abouts of his murderous pal Louis Lep- 
ke, then the quarry of a nationwide 
manhunt. They came to Siegel's house 
one day to investigate a tip that he had 
contraband Chanel No. 5 in his base- 
ment all they found were canned figs. 
In 1938, Siegel went to Europe with the 
countess, staying at her Villa Madama in 
the suburbs of Rome. He didnt stay 
long. 

Lepke had a contract out on Big € 
ie Greenberg, who had threat 
n stool pigeon if the boys from Mur- 
der. Inc. didit send him $5000. He was 
al by a killer named 
Tock” Tannen m but 
slipped away. Then someone saw him on 
the street in L.A. and he was tracked to 
an iment at 1804 Vista Del Mar. 
Siegel was asked to supervise the execu- 
tion of the contract on Big Greenie. For 
reasons no longer knowable, he agreed. 

So Ben Siegel stepped aside and 
Bugsy Siegel went back to his old trade, 
He did the job with his customary daring 
and elliciency He enlisted а gunsel 
named Frankie Carbo, who was to be- 
come famous in the Filties as the unde: 
worlds commissioner of boxing. He 
brought in his brother-in-law, Whitey 
Krakower. He was joined by Tick Tock 
‘Tannenbaum and finally by his old p: 


ow it a 


een- 
ned to 


Champ Segal, a former Rothstein 
henchman. On the evening of Nove 
nie's 
house and waited in their cars. They 
watched as Big Greenie bought a news- 
сто read it in his yellow 
He was sitting there 
when he was shot to death. The gunmen 
calmly departed for another day of sun 
and fun. 

But if the job was done with dispatch, 
the story didn't go away as fast. Siegel 
and others were repeatedly indicted for 
the murder of Big Greenie, managing to 
with the help of a 
plague of death, disappearance and dis- 
allowal among key wimesses—and some 
high-profile payoffs to elected officials 

Although he was able to steer clear of a 
conviction, Siegel was no longer wel- 
come in Hollywood society. It was time 
to move on, and this was as good a time 
as any to do so. The country was again 
preparing for war, and the Mob bosses 
once more had to plan for the future, as 
they had before the end of Prohibition 
Most entered the lucrative black market 
or expanded their exisung prostitution, 
gambling or drug 
"ast. But not vei 


squirm free onl 


be born: Bugsy the visionary 
. 
Las Vegas before the 
Whe was with an- 
other hoodlum named Moe Sedway. 
They went to Vegas together to try sell 
ing а racing wire to some casino oper 
tors, In those days, Las Vegas was a town 
of about 6000, most of them men who 
had come to work on Hoover Dam or 
descendants of early Mormon settlers. 
There was a notorious street of bordellos 
called Block 16 and a group of sawdust 
joints, where gambling was legal. There 
were some cheap hotels. On that first 
trip, Siegel failed to sell his racing wire: 
the established gamblers weren't inter- 
ested in change, particularly not in 
change suggested by a New York Jew 

But he never forgot Las Vegas. Siegel 
looked ata scrufly desert town and saw a 
glinering future. He had in mind a hotel 
and casino that would serve asa pleasure 
palace for grownups. He would build it 
and others would follow, dozens, per- 
haps hundreds of them, all glittering in 
the desert town that would become the 
capital of the sin business 

Some say the idea w 
has gone to Sedway 
Billy Wilkerson, who published the Hol- 
Iywood Reporter and operated Ciro's. But 
Siegel certainly was the main man in the 
Mob to push for the development of Las 
Vegas. A new world was coming. The 
country would expand into the empty 
West. Jet airplanes would reduce travel 
time. Air conditioning, and the hydro- 
electric power that ran it, would make it 
possible to play in the desert, even in the 


Siegel first saw 
war. One stoi 


t his. Credit 
10 a man named 


yo 


dead bottom of August. Bv all accounts. 
Lansky was dubious. But Siegel grew 
more insistent. 

Most believe he was driven in his am- 
biuon by a tough, beautiful woman 
named Virginia Hill. She lived an ex- 
traordinary before she ever met 


lile 
Siegel and began the most famous ro- 
mance in the history of the Mob. She was 


born on August 26, 1916, in Lipscomb, 
Alabama, and soon moved with her par- 
ents and live brothers and sisters to the 
steel town of Bessemer. She dropped out 
of school at 14 to marry, and quickly d 
vorce, a local rich boy. It was her charac- 
teristic entree into the wide scary world 

By early 1941, she had married and 
divorced her way across the US. and 
Mexico, picking up plenty of influential 
friends along the route. At last, she 
rived in her natural clement: Holly- 
wood. The big ume. She lived at the 
Beverly Hills Hotel. She went out on 
dates with Victor Mature and Gene 
Krupa. She even had a movie contract. 
Mostly she partied. 

And at some point during this period, 
she met Ben Siegel. Hill was moving 
back and forth across the border, carry- 
ing cash for the Mob, making contacts at 
high levels of the Mexican governme 
By 1942, she had two homes in Los An- 
geles. One was called the Falcon's Lair, at 
Two Bella Drive above the Pacific Coast 
Highway; it had once belonged to 
Rudolph Valentino. The other was at 
810 North Linden Drive in Beverly 
Hills; it had once been owned by the co- 
median Georgie Jessel. Both houses 
were owned by à man named Juan 
Romero, one of the many contacts she 
had made in her journeys across the bor- 
der. Hill was his tenant 

We don't know if thc first encounter of 
zel and Virginia Hill was a case of 
neet cute" in the Hollywood style or 
something more elaborate. But it must 
ve been electric. Certainly, they were 
made for each other. Siegel was the epit- 
ome of the romantic gangster style; oth- 
er gangsters recognized that. Virginia 
Hill was a genuine female hoodlum, the 
highest compliment they could pay 
woman. Ben and Virginia were soon 
inseparable. 

"When I was with Ben; 
bought me everything." 
She wasnt exaggerating. There was 
43.000 worth of gowns bought from 
the designer Howard Greer. She once 
walked out of a jewelry shop with a 
bracelet and ring worth $19,000. She 
moved through clubs picking up tabs. 
She hosted lavish parties. She spent 
$4800 on one such fiesta in Ciro's. $7500 
on another night. Add another zero at 
the end of each of those numbers to 
the current-day eq ‘nts, The money 
was probably coming fiom the drug 
trade that had begun to flow through 
Mexico alter the smuggling routes from 
Europe were disrupted by the war. And 


he said, “he 


n involved, too. 

n to fade out of 
Siegel's life. So did I e, who went to 
Reno and got a divorce. He sold the 
Holmby Hills mansion and was soon liv- 
ing with Virginia Hill at the 
Lair. Meanwhile, he was beginning to 
operate in Las Vegas. He sold his wir 
service to some of the sawdust joints and 
bought into them for good measure. He 
persuaded Lansky to invest some money; 
Moe Sedway and a tough Phoenix gam- 
bler named Gus Greenbaum also went in 
on the deal. On their expeditions, the 
noted the congested trafic around the 
downtown railroad station and saw the 
steady flow of automobile traffic along 
Highway 91 10 Los Angeles. Again, Sie 
gel the visionary made the right dec 
sion. They would build their postwar 
pleasure palace on the highway. That 
was the beginning of the Strip. 

In mid-1945, with the end of the war 
in sight, Siegel got serious. He arranged 
nancing from Lansky and the other 
gangsters back East. Wilkerson invested, 
as did Sedway and Greenbaum, who also 
arranged loans from banks in Arizona. 
In December 1945, ground was broken. 
Siegel and Virginia Hill celebrated. And 
the vision started becoming a reality. 

There were still wartime restrictions 
on building materials, shortages of lum- 
ber and plaster and marble, and very 
few available construction workers and 
crafismen. Siegel enlisted Nevada Sena- 
tor Pat McCarran to case some of the 
shortages. Wilkerson sought help from 
the designers and crafismen ш the 
movie studios, who also helped supply 
material. Virginia Hill supplied the 


legel must have ре 
The countess be 


Falcon's 


name: the Flamingo. 
Almost from the beginning, things 
started going wrong. Unusual rains 


pounded down for one nine-day stretch 
‘The precious materials were sometimes 
stolen during the night and then resold 
to the contractors the next day. In the 
penthouse, where Ben and Virgi 
were supposed to live happily ever after, 
a ceiling beam was found to be only five 
feet, eight inches above the floor and 
had to be replaced at a cost of $: 00. 
Bugsy decided that the aisles in the 
kitchen weren't wide enough: they were 
reconfigured at a cost of $30,000. The 
boiler room was too small, the plumbing 
was lousy and the curtains in the main 
rooms were flammable, Siegel insisted 
that the air conditioners in individual 
rooms were too loud; he fumed and 
raged and had them replaced. The 
construction budget ballooned from 
$1,500,000 to $6,000,000, 
Siegel was losing control of the proj- 
ct. He raised additional cash from Lan- 
sky and the others. but those gentleme 
ngly dubious about the 
whole venture. Hill raised some money, 
100, and there were reports later tha 
y from the heroin 
gel had sworn that he 


increa 


grew 


some of this w 
racket. But Si 


ıs топе 


would open the Flamingo by the end of 
1946. And as the pressure intensified— 
particularly from Mob 
went ahead and opened belore the hotel 
was ready 

On opening night, December 26, 
1946, Siegel expected glamour, excite- 
ment, hordes of excited movie stars. He 
got George Raft, whose career had fad- 
ed. He got Charles Coburn and George 
Sanders, Vivian Blaine and Sonny Tufts. 
Hardly the A list. Jimmy Durante was 
the first act to play the main room, along 
with Xavier Сивас orchest that 
night, the room wasn't full, With Siegel's 
arbitrary rules about class (no hats, white 
tie for dealers), most of the locals stayed 
away The hotel rooms were not fin- 
ished, so those who did come from L. 
eturned almost immediately. Before the 
night was over, there were more deal- 
ers than customers. And Bugsy Siegel 
emerged from the darkne 

In the next two weeks, Bugsy beat 
up a dealer he thought was cheating. 
He had to be restrained from attack- 
ing columnist Westbrook Pegler, who 
pecked away at him relentlessly in print 
and was spotted playing the slot ma- 
chines. Furious at bad publicity, he 
chased his press agent around the swim- 
ming pool, firing a pistol. He grew in- 
creasingly paranoid, for good reason. 
lverware and food were being stolen 
from the kitchen. The hard-eyed profes- 
I gamblers from the downtown саз 
ved to play the tables and started 
busting the bank. Nothing worked, not 
fresh dice, new cards, the shifting of 
dealers from table to table. At the end of 
the fi the casino had done 
the impossible: lost $300,000. 
Hill suddenly announced that she had 
п allergy to cactus and moved k 
to the house on North Linde: 
By the end of January, Siegel had 10 
close the Flamingo so that construction 
work could be finished. He went back to 
Hill. His doom was approaching. 

In December 1946—before the open- 
of the Flamingo—there was a Mob 
convention at the Hotel Nacional in Ha 
Among those in atten 
Lansky. And a major point of discussion 
was Ben Siegel, who was not invited. 

The charges against him were the 
gravest that could be made against a fel- 
low gangster: He was cheating them, No 
minutes were kept of the Havana meet 
ing, of course. But later tales indicate 
that the Mob's intelligence service had 
received disturbing reports. Siegel had 
aken $600,000 in cash out of the casino. 
Hill had traveled to Switzerland, de- 
positing large sums in a Zurich ba 
while also buying an apartment ther 

According 10 The Las Testament of 
Lucky Luciano, by M . Gosch and 
Richard Hammer, Lu о later remem- 
bered the discussion this way: “There 
was no doubt in Meyer's mind t 
Bugsy had skimmed this dough from his 


investors—he 


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PLAYBOY 


154 


buildin’ budget, and he was sure that 
Siegel was preparin' to skip as well as 
m, in case the roof was gonna fall in 
on him. Everybody listened very close 
while Lansky explained it. When he got 
through, somebody asked, "What do you 
think we ought to do, Meyer? Lansky 
said, "There's only one thing to do with 
thief who steals from his friends. Benny s 
got to be h 
TI ior was getting more er- 
ratic and violent. His checks were bounc 
ing, including one for $50,000 to Del 
Webb, one of the Flamingo contractors. 
Virginia Hill came back and got into a 
drunken fight with Siegel. She drew 
Siegel's blood by smashing him in the 
head with a high-heeled shoc. He 
punched her in the stomach, She r 
turned to L.A. and within a few da 
ready to leave for Europe. Fe 
Joe Epstein re-entered her life, pr 
ing money and words of consolation— 
and perhaps of warning. She left by ship 
on June 10. 

On June 20, 1947, Siegel was staying 
in Hills house at 810 North Linden 
In the morning he went to Druck- 
rber shop. He visited with Rafi, 
He had meetings with an attorney and a 
Flamingo publicist. Virginia's brother, 
21-year-old Chick Hill, was staying at the 
house with his girlfriend, Jerri Mason. 
He remembered a telephone call during 
which an angry Siegel said, "You son of a 
bitch, Over my dead body, you will. You 
haven't got the guts.” 

That evening, Siegel took Chick Hill, 
Mason and a gambler friend named 
Allen Smiley to dinner. They we 
Jack's Restaurant in Ocean Park. They 
dined well. Siegel paid. On the way out, 
iegel was given a complimentary сору 
of the early edition of the Los Angeles 


ski 


Times. They all went home to North Lin- 
den Drive. Hill and Mason went. up- 
rs. Smiley sat at one end of the couch 
Siegel sat at the opposite end, beside a 
lamp, and started reading the newspa- 
per. It carried a sticker that said: Goon 
NIGHT SLEEP WELL, WITH THE COMPLIMENTS 
OF jack's. The drapes were open, the 
night dark beyond the French windows. 

At about 10:30, someone in the dar 
ness of the adjoining driveway fired nine 
rounds through the windows with a 
-30/30 carbine. One bullet went through 
Smiley's sleeve. Six others smashed into 
Siegel. One destroyed his teeth, An 
vom. 
Twenty minutes after the shooting, 
um, Moe Sedway and two 
other men walked into the Flamingo and 
that they were the new bosses. 

. 

ten: The wind moans. It tells of 
daughters crossing a country by train to 
bury their father. It tells of the discarded 
wife standing bitterly beside a burial plot 
in Beth Olam Cemetery. It tells of Vir- 
ginia Hill at a Paris ball, hearing the 
news, then racing to Nice, where she 
tries to Kill herself. Years later, she finally 
succeeds. Joining Ben. Joining Bugsy 

Listen, for the ghosts remember 
Williamsburg, too, and thrilling nights 
running rum with Meyer. And they tell 
of Meyer Lansky old and wizened, his 
small body shriveled, walking his dog in 
the Florida sun, driving a blue Ply 
10 the deli while the feds watch. Some- 

s the old man 


lives because of Ben 
lous dr 


ms. 


“Wow! And you learned that in charm school?” 


FAN YEARS 
(continued from page 64) 
Yes, isn't it? Bruce is so important to 
me now, | can't imagine how I got along 
all those vears without him. Oh, but that 
brings up a depressing subject. 1 sup- 
pose | must really insure Bruce's lile, 
mustn't 1? 
he more 


"portant your husband is 


to you,” he said, with his salesman's in- 
stant comprehension, “the more you 
must consider every eventuality 


"But he's p 
“How could I choose any amount of in- 
surance? How could I put a dollar v 
on Bruce?” 

"Let me help y 
Mr. Swerdlull said, ng tha 
red face toward me over the desk 

We seuled on an even million. Double 
indemnity. 


moist 


. 

“Strike while the widow is hot.” 
attributed, I guess. 

It did all seem to go very smoothly. At 
first, 1 was merely enjoying Stephanie 
for her own sake, expecting no more 
than our frequent encounters, and ih 
somehow the idea arose that we might 
get married. I couldn't sec a thing wrong 
with the proposition. Stephanie was ter- 
"in bed, she was rich, she was beauti- 
ful and she obviously loved me. Surely, 
I could find some fondness in myself fo 
a package like that. 

And what she could also do, though 1 
had to be very careful she never found 
out about it, was take up that shortfall, 
those pennies between me and the white 
medicine that makes me such a winning 
fellow. A generous woman, certainly 
generous enough for that modest need. 
And I understood from the beginning 
that if 1 were to keep her love and re- 
spect and my access to her pi 
must never be too greedy. Indepe 
self-sufficient, self-respecting, only dip 
ping into her funds for those 
pences which would bring me, 
Dickens’ phrase, “result happiness 

The appearance of independence was 
one reason why | kept on at Rendall/ 
LeBeau, but 1 had other reasons as well 
In the first place, I didn't want one of 
those second-rate account churners to 
ake over the Morwell—now Kimball— 
account and bleed it to death with pe 
ntages of unnecessary sales. In the 
second place, I needed time away from 
Stephanie, private time that was reason- 
ably accounted for and during which I 
could go on medicating myself. I would 
never be а 


Un- 


er or later stumbling across the truth. 
And beyond all that. I've always enjoyed 
the work. playing with other people's 
money as if it were merely counters in a 
ame, because that’s all it is when its 
other people's money. 

Four lovely months we had of that I 


with Stephanie never suspecting a thing. 
With neither of us, in fact, ever suspect- 
ing a thing. And if 1 
workaholic, particularly when topped 
with my little I wonde 
what eventually might have happened 
No. I don't wonder: I know what would 
have happened. 

But here's what happened instead. | 
couldn't keep my hands oll Stephanie's 
financial records. h wasn’t prying, it 
wasn't suspicion, it wasn't for my own 
advantage, it was merely a continuation 
of the work ethic on another front. And 
I wanted to do something nice for 
Stephanie because my fondness had 
grown—no, truly, it had. Did I love her? 
T believe 1 did. Surely, she was lovable. 
Surely, 1 Every day, 1 was 
made happy by her existence: if that isn't 


weren't such а 


white. friend. 


ad reason. 


love, what is? 

And and 
household accounts were a mess. 1 first 
became aware of this when I came home 
one evening to find Stephanie, furrow- 
browed, huddled at the dining-room 
table with Serge Ostogoth, her—our— 
accountant. It was tax time and the table 
was a snowdrift of papers in no dis- 
cernible order. Serge, a harmless drudge 
with leather elbow patches and a pathet- 
ic small mustache, was patiently taking 
Stephanie through the year just past, 
uying to match the paperwork to the 


Stephanie's tax records 


history, a task that was clearly going 
to take several days. Serge had been 
Stephanie's accountant for three years, I 
later learned, and every year they had to 
go through this 

So I rolled up my sleeves to pitch in 
Serge was grateful for my help. Steph- 
anie, with shining eyes, kept telling me I 
was her savior, and eventually we man- 
aged to make sense of it all. 

It was then I decided to put Steph- 
anie's house in order. There was no point 
mentioning my plan; Stephanie was tru- 
ly ashamed of her record-keeping inabil- 
ities, so why rub her nose in it? Evenings 
and weekends, if we weren't doing any- 
thing else, not flying out to the couage 
or off to visit friends or out to theater 


and dinner, I'd spend half an hour or so 
working through her fiscal accounts 

Yes, and her previous husband, Rob- 
ert, had been no help. When I got back 
that far, there was no improvement at 
all. In fact, Robert had been at least as 
bad as Stephanie about keeping records, 
and much worse when it came to throw- 
ing money around. A real wastrel. Outgo 
exceeded income all through that mar- 
riage. His lile insurance, at the end, had 
been a real help. 

And so had Frank's. 

1t was a week or two after Га finished 
rationalizing the Robert years—two of 
them, though in three wx years—that 


my work brought me to my first en 
husband, 
Frank Bullock died 
three and a half years before Stephanie's 
riage to Robert Morwell. Oh. 
and he, 100. had been well-insured 


counter with Frank. Another 
last name Bullock. 


yes, 
And 
with him, too, insurance paid double 
indemnity for accidental death. 

Robert had been drowned at sea while 
on a cruise with Stephanie. Frank had 
fallen from the terrace of this very apart 
ment while leaning out too far with his 
binoculars to observe the passage of an 
unusual breed of sea gull: Frank had 
been an amateur ornithologist 

And Leslie Hanford had fallen off a 
mountain in the Laurent 
Canadian ski holiday, Hanford was the 
husband before Bullock. Apparently, the 
first husband. Leslie’s insurance, in fact, 


s while on a 


had been the basis for the fortune Steph- 


anie now enjoyed. supplemented when 
necessary or convenient by the insur- 
ance of her later husbands. Afier each 
accidental death, Stephanie changed in- 
surance agents and accountants. And 
each husband had died just over a year 
after the policy had been taken out 

Just over a year. So that's how long my 
bride expected to share my company, 
was it? Well, she was right about that, 
though not in the way she expected. 1, 
100, could be decisive when called upon 


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a 


PLAYBOY 


156 


Stephanie took the sun on our terrace. 
Although it would be plagiarizing a bit 
from my bride, I could one day, having 
established an alibi at the office. . . . 

The current insurance agent was 
named Oliver Swerdlull. I went to see 
him. “I just wanted to be sure,” I said, 
“that the new policy on my life went 
through without a hitch, In case any- 
thing happened to me, Га want to be 
Stephanie was cared for.” 
ble sentiment," Swerdluff 
id. He was a puffy, sweaty man with 
y еуез, a man who would. never let 

icion get between himself and а 
ion. Stephanie had chosen well. 
I said, "Let me see, that was—half a 
lion?" 

“Oh, we felt a million would be better, 
Swerdluff said with a well-fed smile. 
"Double indemnity." 

“Of course!” 1 exclaimed. "Excuse me, 
1 get confused about these numbers. A 
million, of course. Double indemnity. 
And that’s exactly the amount we want 
for the new policy, to insure Stephanie's 
life. IF thats what I'm worth to her, she's 
certainly that valuable to me.” 

. 

Call me a fool, but | fell in love. Bruce 

was so different from the others, so 


confident, so self-reliant. And it was so 
clear he loved me, loved me, not my 
money, not the advantages | brought 
him. I tried to be practical, but my heart 
ruled my head, This wasa husband I was 
going to have to keep. 

Many's the afternoon | spent su 
bathing and brooding on the terrace 
while Bruce was downtown at the firm. 
On one hand, I would have financial se- 
curity for at least a little while. On the 
other hand, I would have Brue 

Аһ, what this terrace could be! Duc 
boarded, with wrought-iron furniture, a 
few potted hemlocks, а gaily striped 
awning.... 

Well, what of it? What was a 
hemlocks in the face of true love? Bruce 
and I could discuss our future togeth 
our finances. A plan, shared with anoth- 
er person. 


We would have 10 economize, of 
course, and the first place 10 do so 
was with that million-dollar policy. 1 


wouldn't be needing it now, so that was 
the first expense that could go. 1 went 
back to see Mr. Swerdluff. “I want to can- 
cel that policy," I said. 

“IF you wish," he said. “Will you be 
canceling both of the 


iL 


ТЇЇ 


"If a politician can't party or screw around, how can 
ше attract good people to public service?” 


row of 


WOMEN 


(continued [vom page 118) 
see men playing the games men play 
They see men swallowing the falla 
self-importance and they want to 
themselves. Women, of course, find no 
more meaning in work than men do, so 
along with ihi 
belief that something is being held back 
m. some crazy, rewarding thing 
makes ise out of life. They think 
thing is hidden around the office 
newhere, and the more they fail to 
nd it, the more they hate men for hid- 
ing it. 

The secret life of women: If women are 
defined by what they are, men are 
defined by what they do. This essential 
meaninglessness for men leads to an af- 
fection for diversion, which is why work 
was invented in the first place. Men 
know its just а place where a guy сап 
pleasantly waste his life. 

Women looked for the meaning of life 
at work, and it wasn't there. But what 
women did find at work was men, and 
that did not please them because they re- 
nied the way men worked. When the 
vicissitudes of working life went against 
them, they placed the blame оп men— 
somenmes fairly, sometimes not 

Be nice lo your sister: The unfair accu- 
sations and resentments of women 
sparked equal resentments in men, 
many of whom, after all, spent a child- 
hood of enforced sexual equality playing 
football with rules altered by mom to 
make sure their little sisters could play 
without getting hurt. Which ruined the 
game. Men quickly discovered. that 
women at work were like sisters on the 
gridiron: They could be as aggressive 
and mean as they wanted. They could 
kick and hit if they got mad, secure that 
the boys wouldn't hit back for fear of 
pare h and peer dishonor. 
Women also discovered that they could 


whose continuing 
denial ol s only part of its 
exasperating charm. 

Women will be girls: Girlishness is more 
than just the cloak of coquetry that 
velops women of all ages. It is also the 
most lethal weapon in à working wom- 
апу arsenal, OF course, many girlish 
traits are worthy of men's admiration. 
Bur remember all the unpleasant and 
unfathomable characteristics girls had 
when you were in fifih grad 

The back. 

When a woman comes to work, she 
brings with her all the mysteries of girl- 
hood. The same wild jealousies, the 
same suspicion of other women, the 

ame tendency to want to play the rough 
games of boys and the same urge to cry 
if the game gets too rough, Even the 
forensics of childhood become familiar 


in the office: Where men tease to be 
friendly, bluster to complain and collect 
evidence 10 gain advantage, women 
ridicule to be friendly, whine to com- 
id scold to gain advantage. In 
fact, scolding is the default mechanism 
that sends women into mom mode 
whenever misbehavior is suspected. 


FIVE JOBS WOMEN CAN DO BETTER THAN MEN 
OK COULD DO BETTER THAN MEN IF THEY 
REALLY WANTED TO. 


l. Any professional, skilled or semi- 
skilled job that doesnt involve 
heavy lifting 
Selling cars and boats 

. Game-show letter turner 
Mom 
Topless go-go dancer in white 
thigh-high boots, with breasts that 

defy gravity and a tiny black-lace 
G string and innocent eyes as blue 
as the sky smiling right at you 
Women are better than men at listen- 
ing carefully during a conflict, keeping 
an open mind, understanding divergent 
points of view and taking revenge. 

Men have their strong points, 100. 


Laud 


FIVE JOBS WOMEN APPARENTLY CANT DO AS 
WELL AS MEN, NO MATTER WHAT THEY SAY 


2. Philosopher 


1. Broncobuster 


3. Politician or Roto-rooter operator 
4. Interior li 

5. Pope 

Also, men ar n women at 


getting jokes, hanging out, poking fun 
and working well with women 


HOW TO TELL YOURE WORKING 
WITH WOMEN 


Evidence of female co-wor 
to spot. Watch for these signs: 

* Small potted plants, often wrapped 
in ribbons. 

* Silver-foil balloons bearing slogans 

* Coffee cups with cartoons on them 
igurines that double as paper-clip 
holders. 

e Plenty of photog 
personal souvenirs. 

© Lots of BREATHING ZONE signs, 

© Really personal things stuffed into 
desk drawers. 

e Women also read the fine print on 
alendars, so holiday and seasonal decor 
is another sure-fire i 

Around an oflice, men decorate, to 
abuse the word, either by hiring women 
to do the job or by a system that might be 
called random placement of arüfacts—a 
burger wrapper on top of the file cabi- 
net, on the wall a ticket stub from a ball 
ame, maybe an old Air Wick in the coi 
ner under the desk. Women, on the oth- 
єт hand, bring little bits of America into 
y cubicles, which become colorful 
‘es decorated with a hint of Hallmark. 
The look of a working woman: Until 20 
go, millions of women dressed for 
work without thinking about much mor 


phs and other 


bi 


than what they would wear. But working 


women became part of a constituency 
What they wore became a personal state- 
ment and the morning routine got a lot 
more complicated. 

Until quite recently, they wore the 
uniform of Working Women, which 
looked as if somebody had sent the con- 
tents ofa guy's closet off for a ses 
operation. These women walked down 
the street like litle gray refrigerators on 
parade, and ofhces looked like the set of 
Honey, 1 Shrunk Dick Butkus. 

Now, work looks like an oversexed 
bridge club. Women have gained the 
confidence to dress like actual women, 
and, suddenly, working women look 
lovely, sometimes even sexy—an obser- 
vation a careful man will keep very much 
to himself. There's something. slight! 
inebriating abe king into an office 
where the air is rich with perfume and 
great-looking women are everywhere. 
‘at Ottoman Turks must have lived like 
this once, you think. To yourself. 


DEFENSE. DEFENSE, DEFENSE AND 
DEPORTMENT 


Be careful how you deal with women 
co-workers. Good manners never 
change: You should try your best to 
maintain a certain amount of polite def- 
erence and courtly behavior, even 
though some traditional gestures may 
ave to be abandoned. Normally, for e 
ample, a well-mannered man might be 
expected to stand when a woman ente: 
his office. If you do that with a working 
woman, she won't even ask you where 
you are going. She ll just take your place. 
There are a few common-sense rule 
that should always apply but have special 
relevance in the workplace: 


change | = 


E 


m. 
— — 


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* Ensure the safety and security of 
women at work, especially in dark park- 
ing lots and passageways. 

© Discourage other men in your com- 
pany from making lewd comments 
women or making animal noises in the 
presence of women, Try not to be an em- 
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e Avoid touching a woman in any way 
t you wouldn't touch a m. 
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patronized or ignored in the norma 
course of business 

On the other hand: You can't abandon 
gender distinctions, cithe 

© Women take most things personally: 
Hits nine o'clock and you're reading the 
paper and sipping coffee, you cant ig- 
nore a woman the way you would a male 
colleague 

e Always, in dealing with women, 
member that the emotional factor 
close to the surface and that women won't 
shrug off insensitivity the way men will. 

* Men should lor 
their conversations, however subtly, 10 
take women into account. 

e Finally, do not expect to sl 
derie with most 


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157 


PLAYBOY 


188 


don't yell, “Yo, momma,” across the floor 


at a woman. She may have to hear it all 
ght at home. 
The safest way to teat women at work 


is politely. Which is, of course, the same 
way you should treat them elsewhere. 

Gelling personal: Women often turn 
conventional disagreements into person- 
al conflicts. One Manhauan D.A., when 
told about a defense attorney's. rather 
impersonal view of a case she had prose- 
cuted, began her rebuttal by sighing to a 
reporter, “It's so lik 

conflict is highly effica- 

yone who ever had to argue 
all 
Lowering conllict to a 
personal level allows for no rational re- 
sponse. It creates a sort of instant sus- 
pension of the rules and moves the 
debate to an emotional plane, one that 
most women find more comfortable. (It 
must be noted, however, that this lemi- 
nine conceit wasn't lost on Ronald Rea- 
who adopted it in the course of his 
e with Jimmy Carter, when 
he responded to one of Carter's policy 
statements by saying, “There you go 
ain,” which was the 1979 equivalent 
of, "You just don't get it.”) 

Women in positions of authority per- 
ceive their positions to be embattled. For 


them, personalizing conflict does 
solve the conflict, but it often does win 
the debate—and ойеп, that’s enough. 


THE FEMININE WARRIOR 


Office politics is largely a matter of 
who knows what about whom and how 
that knowledge can be used. Because 
many women are geniuses at gathering 
and trading information, they have a 
huge advantage in the office gam 

So that’s another good reason to live 
your personal life outside the 
Once you start circulating office memos 
on the end of your dick, you're looking 
for big trouble. 

Trust: Women, however 
worthy as men, with an added dash of 
loyalty. As a rule of thumb, you're better 
off trusting a woman co-worker you 
know well than you are trusting a man 
Men play to win. Women often play to 
tie. Or, to put it another, less savory way: 
loo many men go to work the same way 
they go to war. Too many women go to 
work the same way they go to bed 


office. 


CAUT 


JN: SEX AT WORK 


The good news is, work is where all 
‘The bad news is, work is 
nen are. Ifyou try to ig- 
you will only fail, 


the women are. 
whe I the we 
nore the obvious, 


e 


= 


‘And with us today is Robert Ferguson, creator of 
the best-selling video ‘How to Lose Weight Without Getting Out of 
Bed,’ who will demonstrate his technique for us 
this morning. We need a volunteer 


from the audience. 


sex-neutral behavior is for automatons. 
You can pull it off for a while, but as a 
way of life, being the office eunuch uki- 
mately is unrewarding. People soon 
grow to distrust and dislike the utterly 
sexless. Those who try and make sexless- 
ness an office policy only breed com- 
plaining castrali and dour, sere broads. 
The result is a hostile work environ- 
ment, almost as though sexual harass- 
ment were the office policy. 

Besides, despite all the recently fash 
ionable hysteria about office sex, most 
people understand that work is the best 
place to meet a potential lover. The rea- 
sons are obvious: 

e You get a chance 10 know someone 
better than you would in most other cir- 
cumstances, so you won't have to face 
any troubling surprises—like an armed 
boyfriend at the door—when you take 
her home. 

* The conversation for the first few 
dates comes with a built-in cushion that 
precludes awkward silences. 

e The tension of a secret office liaison 
is a mighty little aphrodisiac. As one pro- 
mal noted, there's nothing quite so 
g as sex on the office brc 

If you get involved with a co-work 
make sure you understand the bound- 
aries ol permitted behavior. 
highly situational thing, of co 
some offices, interdepartmental inter- 
course is just part of the big, bad world 
while in others, it's.grounds lor derailing 
not just one career, but two. You can rely 
on instinct, but you should double-check. 
with Personnel 

Romances with a subordinate are the 
junk bonds of office affairs—easy to get 
into, expensive to get out of. Unless its 
love and marriage at first sight, be саге- 
ful on the first night. When you get 
involved wii 
retary or your boss's secretary, you not 
only on the high-risk. burden of 
conducting a courtship at work, but you 
also take on the higher-risk burden of 
one day having to end it. No matter how 
hard you try to be aboveboard, when 
you end an office affair, the shit doesn’t 
just hit the goes through the 
whole climate-control system. 

One-night stands with co-workers are 
even worse, because no matter who se- 
duced whom, somebody's feelings are 
going to be hurt, and it’s more likely to 
be hers th: . she dumps you afi- 
tough for you. If you 
iger, the whole 


idloom. 


This is a 
гуе. In 


“I be thinking 
Imagine what 
г co-workers 


she looks at you. 
about you to yc 
what she'll say about you to 
your boss. Imagine she is your boss. 
Sleeping with your boss finds many 
I world. Irs sort of 
g into a casino with all 
your children's college money, finding a 


roulette table and putting the whole рі 
on 16. It's like falling in love with a rea 
ly beautiful, drop-dead sexy Moonie. I 
like stepping forward to catch a baby 
thrown out of the six 
ing building. Many men enj 
activities, Few enjoy looking fc 

On the road to mayhem: Being 
road with an attracti 
lure you into bel 
sions can h a f 
yawning abyss of sell-destruc j 
as dangerous on the road as it is in the 
office. And your danger only increases 
with other complications. 

Calculate your risk: Let's assume that 
ping with the officemate of your day- 
100 on the risk scale, and 


© Add 55 points if the romance that 
ad wouldn't have st 
Апл been on the road. 
© Add 65 points if the romance that 
ted on the road is with an immedi. 
r immediate subordinate. 

* Add 70 points if she's happily mar- 
ried, or if you ried at all. 

* Add 90 points if you fall in love with 
her but she thinks you're a jerk who took 
advantage of he 

* Add 101 points and die immediai 
if she is your boss and if she was dr 
when it happened and if sh 
nies it happened when she sobers up. 

No frills: There is a practical side to co- 
ed travel, as well. Quite rightly, women 
crave security when they're on the road. 
Respect your colleague's wishes if she 
says she wants to spend the evening in 
her room. For good reasons, most wom- 
en aren't as adventurous as most men, 
and the idea of exploring all that Denver 
k may not be as al- 
luring to her as it is to you. 


WHOS ON TOF 


Many men—especially those in service 
and information industries—can go 
through a large part of their careers 
Богі der the supervis 
of these men know 
just as women ke great 


can m 


men can also make bitter 
enemies, tyrants who wear their insecu- 

ty with elec ostentation and who 
before they accept the 
for - they made. 
artinets who rule without 
ay the game of work with a 


They c 


levant. concepts 
ned in little league. 

"s also à bottom-line mscrutabi 
ty about many women bosses, some 
silent acknowledgment U 
what, you can never go to her and have 
а buddy-to-buddy chat. It’s the same 


STYLE 
Page 28: “Making the 
Streich”: Tops by Get Wel, at 


s South/Bullock's; In- 
ternational Male, 9000 Santa 
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STANT, at Charivari 57, 18 W. 
57h St, N.Y.C., 212 
Último, 114 
Chicago, 312 


19 Christopher 
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: cisco, 415-861-61 11; oth- 
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pants and shirts by Frank et Gertie, at Cha 
57th Si 


Kruthers locations, 1750 N. Clark St. and 
Northbrook Court, Chicago. Sweaters by 
Barnes Storm, at Saks Fifth Avenue, 611 Fifth 
53-1000. Jackets by Gior- 
orgio Armani boutiques 
By Donna Karan, at Barneys 
New York locations, N.Y.C., Houston. 
too You s (by appoint- 
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213-874-9765. Bob Roberis Spotlight Tat- 
5850 Melrose Ave., L.A. Sunset Strip 
1 Blvd., W. Hollywood. 


Decals, at Reminiscei 74 Fifth Av 
lothing 
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at Verri locations, 802 Madison Ave., N. Y.C. 


00; 431 N. Rodeo Dr, Beverly 
Hills, 213-275-3476. Ties by Valentino Men, 
at Bloomingdale's, 1000 Third Ave., N. Y.C., 
212-705-2000. Tshirts by Comme des 
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Reebok. store locations, 800-843-4444. 


212 


SECOND TO NONE 
Page 80: Sports coat, trousers, shirt and tie 
field Store, 1499 Post 
2661; all Mark 
‘Atlanta, Chicago, 
Loafers by Fiatelli Rossetti, 


Ave., N.YC., 219-888-5107. Page 81: 
and shirt by V2 by Versace, at Barneys 


a a 


HOW TO BUY 


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4000. Jacket and trousers by Bames Storm, 
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PLAYBOY COLLECTION 
Pages 112-115: Home gym from NDL Prod- 
uds. 800. 022, nationwide; 800-843- 


Monopoly game from The 
Franklin Mint, 800-THE-MINT. Corkscrew 
by Gadgets, 117 Lake View Ave., Cambridge, 


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e locations, 708-629-IFUN. Racing 
shoes by Sebring Motorsports Accessories, 800- 
Decanter by [im Beam Brands 
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by H. Cerstner & Se 


tores nation 


PLAYBOY ON THE SCENE. 

Page 161: Boots: By Andrea Getty exclusively 
Jor Jandreana, a 20 Е. 60th St 
N.Y.C., 212 


1, 607 N. Tustin, Orange, С 
2668. By The Frye Company, 800-82 
By M. Weston, a. М. Weston, 42 E зто 


158 


PLAYBOY 


unreadable quality that helps women ex- 
cel in office politics. Alter all, most men 
avoid getting personal with their boss- 
es—or with anyone else. When, because 
of some family emergency or some simi 
lar catastrophe. men find themselve 
wailing the blues in the boss's office and 
the boss is another man, the situation 
dealt with expeditiously, with 
ment that the encounter will disa 
pear from the calendar of events almost 
мату and will never be a part of per- 
nent memory. Men de I in the 
commerce of emotions, so your slobber- 
ing confessional isn't a convertible cur- 
pus aman, Not so with а woman, 
s another nuance here as well. 
During the Seventies and e; 
п men were trying to cr 
into. women’s hearts, women 

that sensitized men were wimps who 
cried all day and were useless all night. 
Now, women despise weakness in men, 
and not justin their lovers, either. If you 
really 


nt to get a cold shoulder from a 


woman, any woman, try crying on 

If you're the boss, you're a lucky chap, 
subordinates have the 
clever ability to ог: nize all those trou- 
men customarily 
trous results. 


since women 


blesome det 
overlook, often with d 
Women, as mentioned above. 
ikely to afford you protec- 
n you need it. They make bener 
less likely to 
тиде for à cheap shot at 

Hence, the women who 
you should be treated in 


loyal, more 


a promotio: 


THE UNSPEAKABLE 


There are а number of bizarre aspects 
to working with коте 
which we must never speak. 

From time to time, 
a female co-worker's office, say " 
and watch in bewilderm: 


pects about 


you may walk into 


nt as she breaks 
You will be well-advised 
notional en- 


not to notice this sort of 


thusiasm, doubtless a consequence of 
PMS. or some other gender-specific in- 
convenience. Women will earnestly and 
repeatedly deny that menstrual stress 
influences their behavior. Yet PM.S. is 
occasionally the basis for defendi 
murderesses, and the women of Amer 
support a menstrually related drug 
dustry worth hundreds of millions of 
dollars. There's a chance that a woman's 
behavior may be altered by biology. This 
is not news, of course. It is one of the 
great unspoken truths that, if uttered. 
subjects the utierer to ridicule, defama- 
tion and possibly sudden loss of income. 

Flatation: Women often use flirtation, 
© | harassment, 
if you will—to accomplish goals and 
achieve aims at work, E tually, this 
become part of the hideous public 


innuende 


ness—sexu 


debate over sex at work, but smart men 
se b 


will wait until somebody c 
the subject. 

Intuition: This is an absolutely irrefu- 
e manipulation of logic. If 
it’s your subordinate who is suddenly 
overcome with intuition, ask her to put 
her case оп more verifiable grounds. И 
it's your boss who has the sudden stroke 
of intuition, say “Go with it, chief.” 


gs up 


able fem 


TWO PRE 


LEMS 


First of all, apparently nobody is keep- 
ing busy enough. While the Japanese 
nip at our right leg and the Europeans 
go for our left, America’s businesses, 
sucked into the distraction of what the 
rest of the world sees, quite rightly, as a 
pubescent issue, are obsessed with solv- 
ing girl problems and boy troubles while 
trying to make sure nobody’s feelings get 
hurt. Soon we'll be a nation of florists. 

And second, reasonable men recog 
nize that there will never be a perfect 
truce between working men and work- 
ing women. The sexes will never be in- 
distinguishable at work. And that's 
probably good. Sex is the Mrs. 
office life. In even its 
gs, sex makes qu 
client lunches a little more interesting. 

No generalizations: Any judgment. of 
women—as co-workers or as anything 
else—tends to be overly gene 
Most women will argue vehemently that 
none of this pertains to them, th 


problem with men and wo 
working together is men. Women say 
men are jerks. Men say women just 
n't good guys. 
But maybe оте 
tain extent 


are right to 
at least about makin: 
neralizations are unt 


а cer- 
sweep- 
р 


et Uhatche 
kpatrick 


GETTING THE BOOT 


ust as functional as black-rubber galoshes but infinitely more 

stylish, the season's hottest new boots are making tracks ev- 

erywhei Ankle-high models such as jodhpurs and rub- 

ber-soled suede pull-ons stand up to the sr and cold and 
can be worn dressed up with a suit or a spx 


well as with sweaters and jeans. Mo: 


Given the selection pictured below, thi 


classic cowboy boots (this season's top look is brown leather with 
pointed toes) and cap-toed combat or paratrooper boots. If you're 
hell-bent for leather, pick up a pair of motorcycle boots in black 
or brown decorated and rivel 


lengths, 


come in 
And, 
boots are anything but. 


various 


in all cases, the toes are square but th 


is no time to kick the boot habit. Left to right: Suede pull-on ankle boot with side gore and rubber 


sole, designed by Andrea Getty exclusively for Jandreani, $119. Leather lace-up combat boot with cap toe and leather strap, by Avirex, 
2 $150. Calfskin cowboy boot with shaft stitching and leather sole, by Code West's Seville, $195. Leather motorcycle boot with brass rings 
and rivets on harness, by The Frye Company, $240. Leather jodhpur with side buckle and leather sole, by J. M. Weston, about $600. 


Where & How to BAN page 159. _ 


GRAPEVINE 


Sugar and Spice Zing Went His 
Actress JOANNE VANCIO is our valentine. From the popular TV show Harp Strings 
90210 in Beverly Hills to the movie House Party II to an accomplice on НОСЕР MOORE 
Totally Hidden Video, Joanne’s one from the heart. жайка chica motes 


with Sir Georg Solti on 
TV while gearing up for 
his new movie, Blame 
It on the Bellboy. Dud- 
ley can go from the 
sublime to the ri 
lous every time. 


Color Them Hot 
COLOR ME BADD owned the AM radio airwaves with I Want 
to Sex You Up and 1 Adore Mi Amor. The LP C.M.B. went dou- 
ble platinum. The U.S. tour is set to kick off. Badd is good. 


The Mouth 
That Roared 
In the heat of basketball season, just about any 
camera can catch JACK NICHOLSON with his 
mouth around a yell. You can catch Jack in A 
Few Good Men with Tom Cruise. Go Lakers. 


More Is 
Less 
for 
Miss 
Hess 


You can’t go 
wrong in 
basic black. | 


Two of the 
Hottest Bills 
in Rock 
Jane's Addiction lead 
muse PERRY FARRELL 
(left) and actor/rapper 
ICET went head to 
head on the successful 
Lollapalooza tour. See 
Farrell's video, Gift, 
and Ice-T's recent 
movie, Ricochet. 


Terri’s 
Gone 
Hollywood 
You won't be sur- 
prised that former 
Miss Nude Seattle 
TERRI MCCARTY 
has moved to LA. 
to try her luck. 
We're not. 


GETTING A 
HEART-ON 


The next time you visit Santa 
Monica and are in a loving 
mood, drop by Only Hearts, 
a "shop for the shameless ro- 
mantic” at 1407 Montana Av- 
enue where everything is 
heart-shaped or adorned 

with hearts. Sexy lingerie 
such as teddies, camisoles and 
chemises cost from $22 10 
$200. And there's everything 
else your heart could desire, 
from bracelets and bustiers to 
watches and waffle irons. 
(They even sell cups and 
saucers with hearts on them.) 
Good news, too, for mellow 
New Yorkers with a heart-on 
for romance. Only Hearts 
East Coast boutique at 386 
Columbus Avenue in Man- 
hattan stocks the same mer- 
chandise. It’s where 
Madonna, Cher, Springsteen 
and other superstars occa- 
sionally drop by to shop. 
Phone numbei 
ica: 213-393-3088; in New 
York: 212-724-5608. 


TRADE SECRETS 


t to know how to do a pratfall like Chevy Chase does, 
k like Kareem Abdul-Jabbar or tie 


hoot a sky 
of Gene 


by у Dunn. in which 


Over 79 Experts Reveal tha serres Ванна 
What They Do Best 


¡pers in the book are broken down into four 
“How to Win a Debate,” by William E 
aster of the universe ("How to Cook the Perfect Egg,” by 
; for men and women only (“How to Decipher a Wine La- 

у Robert Mondavi); and new tricks for old dogs ("How to Impro- 
vise Hum : $9.95. And if you've ever 
wanted to know how a car eight guesser gets them right, 
somebody named Bill “Willy the Jester” Stewart reveals the secret. 


POTPOURRI 


BEEPER CHUTZPAH 


Back in January 1991, Potpourri featured 
‘The Final Word, an electronic beeper- 
type device that spewed insults at the 
push of a button. Now comes the Yiddish 
version, Jackie Mason’s Final Word. Only 
this time, you hear “Oy! Is this a pula?” 
“You're a schmuck . 

"Screw you and 

Jackie Mason dialect. It’s available at de- 
partment and novelty stores for $20. Not 
interested? Are you always this stupid? 


COME ON, GORBY, LET’S RIDE 


You know perestroika is working when the 
symbol of socialism, the hammer and 
sickle, shows up on Harley-Davidson mo- 
torcycles. Yes, comrades, it’s true, and 
you can sport a Harley Russian T-shirt 
for $14.50 or a sweat shirt for $24 by 

sending a check to Jordan's Art Studio, 
229 North Curley Street, Baltimore, 
Maryland es range from small 
to XX-large.) Or call 301-563-0021 


BACK TO THE 
CHOCKLIT SHOPPE 


То commemorate the 50th 


BY CHARLES PHILLIPS 


st published 
Mis First 50 Years. ls a 
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on of the best Archie 
stories from 1941 to today, 
along wi tory of the 

, Betty, Veron- 
ica, Jughead, Re 1 
Weatherbee, Mi: 


Pop Tate and the rest of the 
ageless gang from Riverdale 
are all there. 


ii-bound and want to skip the tourist traps at Waikiki? 
Kailua Plantation House in Kona, on 
a tropical haven “for travelers 

ommodations with the coziness of an ocean- 
i Each suite in the Plantation House 


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CHARLES KEATING. . 


Want to know where the bil- 
ons of dollars went in the 


up a set of 
ards that Ecli 


Junk-bond king Michael 
Milken is depicted amid 
garbage cans. Charles Keat- 
ing manipulates Senatorial 
finger puppets. And Neil 
Bush peeks from the pocket 
of his dad's shirt. The flip 
sides give details about cach 
individual's, er, involvement. 
‘To order: 800-468-6898. 


THE KEATING FIVE 


MILLER'S TALE 


Everybody knows that Henry Miller is the au- 
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largely ov 


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FLORIDA HEAT 


NEXT MONTH 


WINTER BEERS 


“THE DRUG WAR: VOICES FROM THE STREET"—WHILE. 
THE NATION O.D.S ON WASHINGTON'S MINDLESS DRUG- 
WAR BLATHER, LISTEN TO SOME STRONG STUFF FROM 
THE BATTLEFIELD—A GRITTY BOOK EXCERPT BY 
WILLIAM TRIPLETT AND TIM WELLS 


WE SHOWCASE EIGHT SEXY DEBUTANTES IN PLAYBOY'S 
VERSION OF COMING OUT—PHOTOS BY GEORGE CAR- 
ROLL WHIPPLE Ш, WITH TEXT BY LANG PHIPPS 


FOREST WHITAKER, THE BIGGEST YOUNG ACTOR IN. 
AMERICA, TELLS WHAT IT'S LIKE TO BE ALL THE RAGE IN 
CANNES AND REVEALS SOME AROUSING DETAILS ABOUT 
PLAYING ROBIN GIVENS' SEX PARTNER IN A RAGE IN 
HARLEM IN A STIMULATING *20 QUESTIONS" 


PLAYBOY TOASTS THE ARTISTIC VISION OF PHOTOGRA- 
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“VENGEANCE FROM SPACE AND THE TEXAS TOMA- 
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“VOX"—A MAN AND A WOMAN CONNECT, CARNALLY, 
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“THE CREEP, THE COP, HIS WIFE AND HER LOVERS"— 
RIGHT-WING HYPOCRITES, A DEPUTY IN THE CLOSET, A 
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FORT LAUDERDALE—BY PAT JORDAN 


PLUS: “PLAYBOY'S ILLUSTRATED HISTORY OF JAZZ 
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like any other dinner party. 

There were people I didn't know 
People I didn't want to know. And peo- 
ple I knew that I wish I didn’t know. 

It just doesn’t get any better than 

that 

Rebecca, the hostess. spotted me 
from the far end of the living room. A 
smile landed on her face, and she 
started to zoom toward me like a vac- 
uum cleaner. 

“Thanks for coming Gary let me 
take your coat." she recited. 

"T wouldn't miss it for the world’ 
said. 

In all honesty, though, 1 would 
have. 

If Rebecca's dinner party were just 
flying through space somewhere, and 
the world happened to be passing by, 
make no mistake, 1 would jump onto it. 

The living room was well-ap- 
pointed. On one wall, there were book- 

shelves. All the books looked the 
same. I wondered if I pulled out the 
right one, whether it would swing the 
bookcase and myself into a completely 
different room 
Inan effort to mingle, 1 walked over 
to a couple that looked like they could 
use some company. I introduced my- 
self. We talked about what I did. What 
they did 
And it was over. 
A clean break. 
Next came the young woman I 
on the subway last week. 
old friend from college. an 
ing she wouldn't see m 
hoped on thesub) Я 
nf Бош it, we were 
conversation about the 
fays. I actually didn't mind it 
it was identical to the conversa- 
tion we had previously 
Tt was a rerun. 
After it was over, she smiled, and 
said “It was nice running into you 
Gary, maybe I'll see you on the subway 
again.” 
I old her I wasn’t ready to make that 
kind of commitment. 
Perhaps what bothered me most 
about Rebecca's dinner party, though, 


Tt wasn't that it was the size of an 


with the fact that it 
swooped up most of the air condition- 
ing in the гооп 

it that really got to me was 
t all the guests had to duck every 
ğ Burt turned his head. 

m on a sail boat was 


It was especially inconvenient for 
the hired waiters serving hors 
d'oeuvres. 

They thought it would be an casy 
way to make a buck, not a hazardous 
one. 

All the couch seating was ‘ake 
always is at these dinner panies. 
people sitting on the couch looked like 
they arrived extra early, and slept out- 
side in hopes of getting the very best 
tickets. 

To say they weren't about to get up 
goes without saying. 

One guy was sitting between two 
women. Bobbing his head in an I’m- 
the-most-handsome-gameshow-host- 
that-ever-lived kind of way. 

He was the kind of man that you'd 
expect to see walking through ‚heaven 
someday with a floo: 

But for now, hi a 
spot I wouldn't min 

It would be great. ї len. 
he put his arms; women, and 
slid right off the plastic that was cover- 
ing the couch and onto the floor. 

f someone pressed a button that 
hoisted him up toward the ceiling in a 
net. To see him flapping around like a 
caught fish would be nothing less than 
splendid. 


for dinner to be served. 


As ШЕКП it were the Red Sea. 

While everyone filtered into the 
room, someone tugged my hand from 
behind. 

It was Penelope Parker. 

An an director I used to work with 
at an advertising agency. She looked 
very attractive. Long flowing dark hair, 
a tall slender body. 

Only one thing bothered me abou, 
her bril enel eye 
nothing ind ther 

Penelope could do anything she put 
her writer's mind to. 

That's how she made it anywhere. 

“Gary, fancy meeting you here,” 
she said opponunistically. 

“Well, if it isn't Penelope Parker 
stated, wishing it weren't. 

From that moment on, I knew who 
I'd bc spending the rest of the dinner 
pany with. She always had a thing for 
me. 

We sat next to each other at the 
table 

She was capable of going on about 
nothing in panicular quite well. 
According to her, I would imagine. 


Ordinary “cellophane” 


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