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MADONNA 
SHOWS OFF 
AT THE 
BEACH 


х 
SUPER MARIO! азе, 


A REVEALING LOOK A PICTORIAL 
AT THE ELUSIVE TRIBUTE 
MR. CUOMO TO NURSES 


TV TOOL GIRL 
PAMELA ANDERSON 


ALEX HALEY 
REMEMBERS 
THE REAL 
MALCOLM X 


о "300955 


07 C d 


Pf 


0 


SURGEON GENERALS WARNING: Smoking 
By Pregnant Women May Result in Fetal 
Injury, Premature Birth, And Low Birth Weight. 


11 mg "tar; 0.9 mg nicotine 
av. per cigarette by FIC method. 


PLAYBILL 


Lessee. А dash of nootropic drugs. A splash of Energy Elick- 
shure. Chase it with а Psuper Psyber Tonic. Gargle. Ah, 
there—feel the smart drinks kicking in? Are we brighter yet? 
Only one way to tell: Rea ticles in this month's Playboy 
We planned this issue for the thinking-enhanced. Start with 
the profile of Mario Cuomo, easily the most complicated man in 
American politics. Essayist Barbara Grizzuti Harrison spent time 
with New York's governor while preparing material for The 
1tonishing World (a book to be published by Ticknor & Fields) 
and came up with а remarkable picce of writing. Prepa 
yourself for the direct opposite of a sound bite and an intellect 
that can move from Teilhard de Chardin to bikini briefs with 
zebra stripes, The Man Who Would Not Run is must reading 
Shortly before his death, we asked Alex Haley to write 
nemoir about black a ist Malcolm X. Long before Spike Le 
discovered the martyred leader, Haley interviewed Malcolr 
ic 1963 Playboy Interview. The relationship culmi- 
ley's wr The Autobiography of Malcolm X. Alter 


e 


HARRISON 


for a histo 


nated in I 


Malcolm’ story, Haley wi 


e his own—the result was Roots. 
Halcy's final contribution to Playboy, Remembering Malcolm X, is 
particularly relevant in the wake of the Los Angeles riots. Brod 
Hollond provided the portrait, Murrey Fisher, Haley's editor, gprs ki 
adds a moving memoir of Haley 

Don Greenburg has taken his share of strolls along the sexual 
frontier: The longtime Playboy contributor has cove 


a 


GUARNACCIA 


he embarked on the scariest journey of all—dating in the age 
of AIDS, Adventures in Safe Sex (illustrated by Steven Guernaccia) 
introduces you to—among other delights—Dick and Jane 
condoms. “See Dick with an erection. See Dick with no pi 
tection. See Dick with an infection.” 

Does it feel like the smart drugs just wore off? Maybe you 
can get а contact high from Jerry Stahle analysis in Jroosian STAHL 
of the Brain People. His tour of the latest self-improvement 
craze—steroids for the mind—is illuminating. 

Contributing Editor Kevin Cook presents the oddest three- 
some in golf history—a butcher, a baker and a brass-balled 
M.B.A.—in Reston's Rat. Gary Smith presents another sticky sit- 
uation in The Slip (illustrated by John Rush). What do you do 
when you fall in love with а woman wearing your wile's dress 
Smart drugs won't get vou out of this one 

Michael Keaton was smart enough to go from Beetlejuice to 
Batman. The brainy actor unleashed some choice stories 10 
Lawrence Linderman in this month's Playboy Interview, Keaton 
comments on Bruce Wayne, Sean Young, trout-fishing in Pat- 
onia and the night God told him to go home and get some 
sleep. Elsewhere. Contributing Editor David Rensin does a 20 
Questions. with Nicole Kidmon (Mrs. Tom Cruise). Completing 
this Hollywood triptych is a sizzling pictorial of Pamela Ander- 
son, the Tool Girl on TV's Home Improvement and a lady whose 
bookshelf boasts volumes of Bulfinch's Mythology and Joseph 
Campbell's Power of Myth. What next? Bill Moyers nude? 

Nope, just some eye-popping beach candids of the most 
savvy sell-promoter on the planet, Medenne, and our usual 
collection of smart ideas in modern living. David El 
video games, E Poul Pacult samples summer drinks in Chill Out 
and Fashion Director Hollis Wayne rounds up potential U.S 
volleyball gold medalists to show olf swimwear (photographed 
by Corl Schneider). 

Now that we've exhausted your lelt brain, it’s time to exer- 
cise the right brain (it governs visuals). Check out Med-Alert!, 
ten pages of health-care cuties. Contributing Photographer 
Byron Newman's piciorial of Playmate Amanda Hope is the only 
tonic you need 


Em 


NEWMAN SCHNEIDER 


Playboy (ISSN 0032-1478). July 1992, volume 39, 
Drive. Chicago. Ilinois 60 


12 issues, Post 


¡ber 7. Published monthly by Playboy in national and regional editions, Playboy. 
LL Second-class postage paid at Chicago, Illinois, and a onal mailing offices. 
мет: Send address change to Playboy. PO. Box 2007, Тома 51537-4007. 3 


“> 


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YOU CAN FEE 
ANE GREAT SMILE 7 
YOU CAN SEE. 


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PLAYBOY 


vol. 39, по. 7- july 1992 CONTENTS FOR THE MEN'S ENTERTAINMENT MAGAZINE 
PLAYBILL 3 
DEAR PLAYBOY 9 
PLAYBOY AFTER HOURS 13 
MEN ASA BABER 27 / 
STYLE 28 A. j 
WOMEN CYNTHIA НЕМЕ 31 dla LT \ 
THE PLAYBOY ADVISOR 5 33 Health Pros 
THE PLAYBOY FORUM 37 
REPORTER'S NOTEBOOK: 
WHY I CAN'T STAND PAT—opinion. ROBERT SCHEER 47 
PLAYBOY INTERVIEW: MICHAEL KEATON—candid conversation 49 
MALCOLM X REMEMBERED—article ALEX HALEY 62 
IN MEMORIAM: ALEX HALEY MURRAY FISHER 161 
GETTING KICKS ON ROUTE 66—pictorial 67 
ADVENTURES IN SAFE SEX—orticle DAN GREENBURG 74 
RESTON'S RAT—fiction KEVIN СООК 78 
BLOND EXHIBITION pictorial 82 
INVASION OF THE BRAIN PEOPLE—article JERRY STAHL 86 
SOLDIER GIRL— ployboy's playmote of the month 90 
PLAYBOY'S PARTY JOKES—humor 102 
THE SLIP—fiction GARY SMITH 104 
HIT MEN!—fashion HOLLIS WAYNE 106 
THE MAN WHO WOULD NOT RUN—profile BARBARA GRIZZUTI HARRISON 112 
CHILL OUT—drink Е PAUL PACULT 116 
LET THE GAMES BEGIN—modern living DAVID ELRICH 118 
MED-ALERT!—pictorial 122 
20 QUESTIONS: NICOLE KIDMAN 134 
PLAYBOY ON THE SCENE 169 Winning Gear 


COVER STORY 

When Miss Februory 1990, Pomelo Anderson, first oppeored іп Ployboy, she 
soid il wos “the stor! of something big." Little did she know thot she'd soon be 
о cos! member on ABC's hit sitcom Home Improvement. West Coast Photo Ed- 
itor Marilyn Grobowski produced our cover, styled by Monique St. Pierre ond 
shot by Contributing Photographer Arny Freytog. Thonks to Tracy Cianflane for 
hair ond make-up. The Rabbit quips, “These boots оге made for wolking." 


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PLAYBOY 


HUGH M. HEFNER 
editor-in-chief 


ARTHUR KRETCHMER editorial director 
JONATHAN BLACK managing editor 
TOM STAEBLER art director 
GARY COLE photography director 
KEVIN BUCKLEY executive editor 


EDITORIAL 

ARTICLES: JOHN REZEK editor; PETER MOORE 
senior editor; FICTION: ALICE к. TURNER editor; 
FORUM: JAMES К. PETERSEN senior staff writer; 
MATTHEW CHILDS assistant editor; MODERN LIV- 
ING: DAVID STEVENS Senior editor; ED WALKER asso~ 
ciate editor; BETH TOMKIW assistant editor; WEST 
COAST: STEPHEN RANDALL edilor; STAFF: GRET- 
CHEN EDGREN senior editor; BRUCE KLUGER. BAR- 
BARA NELLIS associale editors; CHRISTOPHER 
NAPOLITANO assistant editor: JOHN LUSK traffic co- 
ordinator; FASHION: HOLLIS WAYNE director; 
VIVIAN COLON assistant editor; CARTOONS: мг. 
CHELLE URRY editor; COPY: LEOPOLD FROEHLICH 
editor; ARLAN BUSHMAN assistant editor; MARY ZION 
senior researcher; LEE BRAUER. CAROLYN BROWNE. 
JACKIE CAREY, REMA SMITH researchers; CONTRIB- 
UTING EDITORS: ASA BABER, DENIS BOVLES, KEV- 
IN COOK, LAURENCE GONZALES, LAWRENCE GROBEL, 
KEN GROSS (automotive), CYNTHIA HEIMEL, WILLIAM. 
J. HELMER, WARREN KALBACKER. WALTER LOWE, JR.. 
D. КЕГІН MANO, JOE MORGENSTERN, REG POTTER- 
TON, DAVID RENSIN, RICHARD RHODES, DAVID SHEFF. 
DAVID STANDISH. MORGAN STRONG, BRUCE 
WILLIAMSON (novies) 


ART 
KERIG POPE managing director; BRUCE HANSEN 
CHET SUSKI. LEN WILLIS senior directors; KRISTIN 
BORJENER, KELLY O'BRIEN assistant directors; ANN 
SEIDL supervisor, heyline/paste-up; PAUL CHAN 
JOHN HOCH. RICKIE THOMAS art assistants 


PHOTOGRAPHY 

MARILYN GRABOWSKI west Coast editor; JEFF COHEN 
managing editor; LINDA KENNEN. JM LARSON 
MICHAEL ANN SULLIVAN senior editors; PXTTY BEAL 

пет assistant editor/entertainment; STEVE CONWAY 
associale photographer; DAVID CHAN, RICHARD FEC- 
LEY, ARNY FREYTAG, RICHARD 1201, DAVID MECEX 
BYRON NEWMAN, POMPEO POSAR, STEPHEN WAYDA 
contributing photographers: SHELLEE WELLS stylist; 
TIM HAWKINS librarian; ROBERT CAIRNS manager 
studio/lab 


MICHAEL PERLIS publisher 
JAMES SPANFELLER associate publisher 


PRODUCTION 

MARIA wanpis director; KITA JOHNSON manager; 
JODY JURGETO, RICHARD QUARTAROLI, CARRIE LARUE 
HOCKNEY. TOM SIMONER Associate managers 


CIRCULATION 
тмах subscription circulation director; 
JOAN MCINERNEY newsstand sales director; CINDY 
RAROWITZ communications director 


ADVERTISING 
PAUL TURCOTTE national sales director; SALES 
DIKEGIONS WILLIAM м. MILION. jx. northwest, 
ROBERT MCLEAN west coast, STEVE MEISNER mid- 
esl, JAY BECKLEY, SEAN FLANAGAN new york 


READER SERVICE 
LINDA STROM, MIKE OSTROWSKI Correspondents 


ADMINISTRATIVE, 

FRIC SHROPSHIRE computer graphics systems direc- 
107; EILEEN KENT editorial services manager; MAR. 
CIA TERRONES rights & permissions administrator 


PLAYBOY ENTERPRISES, INC. 


«нште nerven chairman, chief executive officer 


Prayer to the 


Тһе American Indian Heritage 
Foundation Museum proudly presents its 
first-ever collector plate by world-renowned 
Western artist Paul Calle. 


t is a ritual as old as the land itself. The Sioux warrior, in perfect harmony 
‚with the forces of nature, summons the Great Spirit to look with favor on 
the people—to provide for, and protect them. 

‘Only an artist of rare talent and vision could capture the mystery and 
drama of this centuries-old ceremony, Pau! Calle, whose works are eagerly 
pursued by knowledgeable collectors of Western art, is such an artist. 

“Prayer to the Great Spirit” is crafted in fine porcelain, then hand- 
numbered and bordered in 24 karat gold. This imported limited edition 
collector plate also bears the artists signature mark on its reverse side. 

Priced at just $29.50, it will be closed forever after just 45 firing days. 
Available exclusively from The Franklin Mint, Franklin Center, PA 19091-0001. 


Great Spirit 


A Limited Edition Collector Plate. 
Hand-Numbered and Bordered in 24 Karat Gold. 

“The Franklin Mint 

Franklin Center, PA 19091-0001 


Please enter my order for Prayer to the Great Spirit by Paul Calle. | need 
SEND NO MONEY NOW. I will be billed $29.50" when my plate is shipped. 
Limit: one plate per collector. 


Please mail by July 31, 1992. 


Plus my stane sales tax 


and $2.95 for shipping and handling 
SIGNATURE 


ME/MRS/MISS 


ADDRESS, APT. — 


CITY/STATE/ZIP = 

992 FM. 15598-6ISJ-58 
Return Assurance Policy. If you wish to return any Franklin Mine purchase, you may do so 
within 30 days of your receipt of that purchase for replacement, credit or refund. 


Larry Holmes 
‚field Professor of Puglisun, 54-8. 37 DS 
21-0. 22 KOs 6/3". Weight 230 Ibs. Easton. 


SAESARS PALACE PLAYBOY! Budweiser, | 


PROMOTED BY MAIN EVENTS/MONITORIN ASSOCIATION WITH TOP RANK INC., CAESARS PALACE AND TVKO. 
©1990 TWO Inc. АП rights reserved. TVKO is a service mark of TVKO Inc 


DEAR PLAYBOY 


ADDRESS DEAR PLAYBOY 
PLAYBOY MAGAZINE 
880 NORTH LAKE SHORE DRIVE 
CHICAGO, ILLINDIS 60611 
OR РАХ 312-440-5454 


JONATHAN KOZOL INTERVIEW 
1 found Contributing Editor Morgan 
Strong's Playboy Interview with teacher 
author Jonathan Kozol (April) refresh- 
ing. After the false economic boom and 
greed of the Eighties, the Ninetie 
going to be a get-real decade. Grass- 
roots activism such as Kozol’s is growing 

Jon Caine 
knoxville, Tennessee 


are 


Гат a doctoral student of sociology 
and political science studying American 
education, and your interview with Ko- 
zol appealed to my senses of rage 
compassion. As Kozol reminds us, it is 
not the government that is going 
equality. I hope this in 
tes more people to be 


ind 


y to work 


for educatior 


terview motiv 


come voices in their own communities so 


that the vision of Kozol and others who 
struggle in the crusade for educational 
reform might become a reality 
Anne Marie Merline 
Waltham, Massachusetts 


Kozol notes the ways in which the U.S 
educational system has failed such mi- 
norities as African Americans and His 
F е, 
success of Asian Americans. | suggest 
that he read the study on Asian-Ameri 
can students recently published in Scien 


nics, but he neglects to mention the 


tific American. Not only have Asian Amer 
icans succeeded academically in our 
educational system, they have thrived in 
it, surpassing all other ethnic groups. 

is studied repre 
sented a cross section of economic and 


The Asian stud 


national backgrounds; their only com 
mon tie was that they held Buddhist 
Confucian values, (So much for Patrick 
Buchanan's Judeo-Christian values’ be 
ing the salvation of our educational sys- 
tem.) The study determined that as long 
as they maintained these values, they 
excelled in their studies. When these 
values were discarded and traditional 
American values were adopted, the 


n students! academic level dropped. 


to the same level as that of their Cau 
casian fellow students 
Rather than complain about how 
lousy our school system is, perhaps Ko- 
zol should take a look at why Asian- 
American students excel in our educa 
tional system while African-American, 
Hispanic and Caucasian students do not 
And please don't classify me as a racial 
bigot. My family is Hispanic 
H. McNicholas 
Portland, Oregon 


As 
years, Га like to respond to your simplis- 
tic interview with Kozol. Lets put the 
blame for our children’s failure to learn 
squarely where it belongs: first, on the 


junior high school teacher for 28 


breakdown of the family unit in our 
country; sccond, on the liberal welfare 
program that encourages the breakup of 
the family and takes personal incentive 
away [rom its recipients. 

The problem with American educa- 
tion isnt entirely a lack of funds. The 
money is there. It’s just not being spent 
wisely. 1 have never met a teacher who 
did not want to do a good job of teach- 


ing, but it gets frustrating when, for 
example, our garbage collector makes 
more money than 1 do and a ballplayer 
signs a multimillion-dollar contract for 
one season 

|. E Graf 


Gridley, California 


CHARLES KEATING 

It is ironic to find the Kozol interview 
and Joe Morgenstern's profile of Charles 
Keating (Prophet Without Honor) back to 
back in your April issue. Kozol is right 
on the button (four of my 20 years t 
ing were in an inner-city school) when 


ach- 


he says we have serious problems in our 
public schools and that we also have the 
know-how and resources to save our 
schools, What we do not have is a 
Congress that is willing to do anything 
about it. Congress won't spend more 
than $5000 per year to educate a child, 


Janqueray* 


Imported Englah Gin. 473% Alc (9467). 100% Grain Neutral Spirta. 
1991 Schietein & Somerset Ca. New Yo, NY 


PLAYBOY 


10 


but it will spend $10,000 to $50,000 per 
year on welfare or jail space for the ones 
who didn't get a decent education. 

Every year, Congress spends billions 
of tax dollars it calls “just drops in the 
bucket” for thousands of silly bills—such 
as $9,000,000 per year for a private 


school in Paris. more than $ 100,000,000, 


ious so-called farm bills that ben- 
a small group of wealthy landown- 
ers, $35 billion per year for unneeded 
spare parts for the military and another 
$2 billion to store those parts. All these 
drops in the bucket are simply tools for 
reelection. 
и we need is а Congress that 
will put its priorities in order, avoid the 
scandals in our schools and prevent 
more Keating affairs. But when | wrote 
my Se about wasteful 
spending, 1 received a form letter tha 
пу approval and support 
Don Terry 
Cleveland, Ohio 


ing me for 


IT HAPPENED ONE NIGHT 

Harry Stein's article И Happened One 
Night (Playboy, April) about the Palm 
Beach rape trial of William Kennedy 
Smith overlooks one important point, 
which is that a person's guilt or inno- 
cence is becoming secondary to the ego- 
building of his or her lawyer. 

Especially in highly publicized cases 
that offer lawyers golden opportunities 
to enhance their reputations. justice 
takes a back seat to whichever attorney 
has the most effective bag of tricks. The 
victims of this state of affairs are precise- 
ly those people the legal system was de- 
signed to protect 

In the Palm Beach trial, chalk up an- 
other "victory" for the wealthy. 

Gary Spiegel 
Santa Barbara, California 


Mt Happened One Night subjects us to 
chauvinist babble that serves no purpose 
other than to illustrate Stein’s infatuation 
with being part of the press corps cover- 
ing a major news story and his infantile 
dislike of prosecutor Moira Lasch. 

Instead of illuminating the reasons 
why a felony trial in Florida was elevated 
into а national entertainment extrava- 
ganza, Stein spouts the same thing we 
have heard from the right wing for 
y He asks about Patty. Bowman, 
"What the hell was [she] doing there at 
3:30 in the morning if she didn’t expect 
something to happen?” implying that ifa 
pe did occur that night, it was Bowman 
who was guilty of being in the wrong 
place at the wrong time. 

Stein's principal support for his "she 
asked for и” point of view is that he 
knows women who agree with him: he 
perceives this as a stamp of approval for 
his misogynistic attitude. Гуе always r 
spected Playboy s stance on important is- 
sues, but please, in the future, give us 


fewer colorful adjectives and more ob- 
jective journalism. 


Evan Gillespie 
Fort Wayne. Indiana 


Stein’s article about Smith's rape trial 
was wondi L Alter watching the trial. I 
ased with the outcome, Now 
I think Lasch needs to re- 
think the entir 


episode 
Jennifer Chism 
Conway, Arkansas 


CADY CANTRELL 

Your Api Cady Cantrell. 
would definitely be my choice as а date 
for dinner and a show. She has proved 


once again that beauty can soothe away 
the chill of winter. 1 wish her the bright- 
est of futures. 


Rudolfo Morales 
The Bronx, New York 


Congratulations! You've done it again. 
Miss April, € 
peach worth picking. 
Robert Smitherman, 
Norway, South Caroli 


idy Cantrell, is a Georg; 


NOT GUILTY, OR INNOCENT? 

In his April Men column, “A Si 
nificant Shift." Аа Baber protests the 
statement by Patricia Bowman's lawyer. 
David Roth. that “a not 
does not equate to innocence, 


ty verdict 
“but Roth 
istructed to deliver a 


guilty or innocent, The only conchision 
one can accurately draw from a not 
guilty verdict is that the jury was not 
convinced. of the defendants guilt be- 
ble doubt. Although f 
ler to think othe 
jury doesn’t have to believe in the 
ice of the defendant to return a 


yond a reasor 


too many people pr 


wise 


innocei 


eenbalgh 
Fremont, California 


While that may apply to juries, Joe, our le- 
gul iradition also provides that a person is au- 
tomatically “innocent until. proven guilty.” 
which is the point Baber was making 


BOBCAT GOLDTHWAIT 

I always thought that Bobcat Gold- 
thwait was very funny, but your 20 Ques- 
finns with him in the April issue conlirms 


something I have suspected for some 
time, which is that there's an intelligent 
man unde 
1 had the pleasure of meeting Gold- 
thwait recently, He and his brother came 
into the rentalcar agency for which 1 
work to rent a station w They were 
perfect gentlemen, but T couldn't help 
but ler: Why а station wagon: 
When his brother returned to the coun- 
ter, I asked him. И seems that Gold- 
thw sary was that night and 
he and his wife had met on a movie set 
where she was a driver. On sets they use 
station wagons. He wanted to relive the 
first time they met 
Bobcat Goldthwait—funny, intelligent 
and romantic. Who would have guessed? 
Nora Maureen Durham 
North Hollywood, С 


all those screams. 


wot 


s anniv 


BODY DOUBLE 
1 loved the pictorial ol 


Shelley 
Michelle (Double Vision, Playboy, April), 
the curves behind Julia Roberts, kim 
Basinger and Catherine Oxenberg. ГА 


heard that it wasn't Roberts’ body we saw 
in Prelly Woman but didn't believe it. My 
applause to Contributing Photographer 
Arny Freytag on a job well done. 
John L. Moore 
Monmouth, Oregon 


ADVENTURES IN CYBERSPACE 

Conuibuting Editor Walter Lowe, 
Jr's, article Adventures in Cyherspace 
(Playboy, April) is both entertaining and 
thought-provoking. Through the tech- 
nology of cyberspace, man will, for the 
first time, have the ability to manipulate 
and control his environment with the 
aid of the computer, The compute 
configured worlds of virtual reality are 
the stull that dreams are made of. and 
the power that will be unleashed by this 
science will forever change the world. 

Virtual worlds are models of physical 
reality and their credibility is contingent 
upon the degree to which they resemble 
this reality, As Lowe points out, virtual 
reality is, at present its infaney, and 
the technological hurdles that must be 
overcome 10 portray reality with accu- 
rate sensate experience are immense. 

However. if all roadblocks toward the 
full implementation of virtual reality can 
be removed, reality itself may have to be 
redefined as virtual reality and sensate 
reality mente. 


James McCall 
Chicago. Ilinois 


El 


у 
2 
< 
5 
5 
© 
8 
- 


NOIR 


EAU DE TOILETTE Feel the power 
Guy Laroche 


Paris 


beer drinkers drink. 


beer drinkers drink 
when they re not drinking beer. 


O'Doul's. The Non-Alcoholic Brew With Only 70 Calories. 


LIFE'S A DRAG 


The newest organized-crime ring to 
catch our attention is а gang of trans- 
vestites that has been knocking over up- 
scale women's boutiques along the East 
Coast. Partial to rhinestones, sequins 
and the color pink, these beauties steal 
gowns and tiaras for their own use. One 
guy—alter being caught wearing sporty 
short shorts and a black feather boa— 
showed up at his trial wearing a stolen 
green crepe-de-chine pantsuit by Natu- 
rally Yours of Hawaii. The cross-dressing 
counterparts to Thelma and Louise also 


sell or trade the hot couture goods with 
friends at balls—the transvestite beauty 
ants that spawned the vogue dance 
Tra 
street slang for shoplifting is 
nothing new, but lately they've gotten 
serious. “They stole the best pieces," 
1 exasperated New York retailer who 
asked to remain anonymous. “They know 
labels.” Well-dressed TVs favor Thi 
Mugler, V Chlóc and Chanel. 
Lawmen estimate 100 members of the 
stole over $1,000,000 in goods last 
year and—since one apprehended thief, 
Large Marge, is € 
cludes nothing under size six 


; moppin’ the bou 
tiques 


Ty 


rsacc, 


— ме assume that in- 


WHY WE LOVE COSMO 


This house ad appeared in Cosmopoli 
law's April issue: "Since she signed on 
with Today, ratings have soared! The lady 
can do it all—chat up pols and celebs, 
feed a lion cub, even deal with a life-size 
plastic penis! Meet Katie Couric.” 

Now, we've seen Bryant chat up pols 
and celebs, and maybe even make nice 
with an animal. But we guess there are 
some things best left to a woman. 


BOWLING FOR GLORY 


Across the street from St 
Stadium is the National Bowling Hall of 
Insid are 
veted by a mobile sculpture of gigantic 
pins suspended—as if in mid- 
strike—from the two-story ceiling. The 


impact is profound. This is where the 


Louis’ Busch 


Fame and Museum. 


. you 


bowlır 


converted hear their calling. 

To appreciate how bowling got to be 
this big, vou enter a series of exhibits 
called Ten Pin Alley. The first exhibit 
shows a caveman holding a rock, with 
bones scattered at his feet. The caption 
we saw explains: "Who was the first 
bowler? We think it might have been a 
caveman tossing rocks at animal bones. 
What do you think?” We suppress our 
conclusions and proceed, reading next 
about the intertwined histories of reli- 
gion and bowling, In a moving diorama, 
we see Martin Luther, the leader of the 
Reformation, bowling. We are told he 
“even built a bowling lane for the young 
people in his family. He reminded them 
that in ordinary life, many а person 
thinks he can defeat others by knocking 
down all the pins and then misses all of 
them.” This, we're sure, forms the basis 
of his famous sermon on the gutter ball 

It's something to ponder as we now 
amuse ourselves by tapping into a bank 
of computers to call up who in our home 
area has rolled a perfect game. In a suit- 
ably humble mood, we move along to 
the point of all of this: the hall itself 


` PLAYBOY AFTER HOURS 


A darkened area prepares us for the 
dark-wood-paneled American Bowling 
Congress Hall of Fame. Amid this 
hushed, almost funereal solemnity are 


the carved plaques of bowling's greats 
Joseph George Joseph, Richard Anthony 
Weber, Andrew Varipapa. The room de- 
mands silence and gets it. 

lo decompress after the tour, we visit 
the gift shop and pick up several tro- 
phies. Our favorite is a spoon trivet that 
says it all: “I'd rather be bowling.” 


TOO-BASE HIT 


Authorities in rural Kansas report that 
a 37-year-old woman recently struck out 
петр to have her common-law 
ad killed in 


an 


hush: 


exchange for his 


baseball-card collection. “That's about as 


mean asa wife can get,” said a local dep 
uty sheriff 

have been if she offered his hunting and 
fishing gear.” He said the two potential 
hitmen she tried to hire were "shocked" 
by the terms of her pitch. Perhaps the 
deal would have gone down if she had 


"The only thing lower would 


been willing to throw in the gum. 


BEANIES FOR WEENIES. 


Harvard. University recently. turned 
down a manufacturer's offer to produce 
condoms stamped with the school in- 
signia, on the grounds that the school 
¿ht be liable if the product failed to 
work. Personally, we don't buy this ratio- 
ale. There are a host of Harvard grads, 
after all, who are currently not working. 
and the school doesn’t seem troubled by 
that product failure 


QUEEN'S GAMBIT—IN 3-D 


If you need an excuse to upgrade 
you 


computer for multimedia capaci- 
and thousands of hackers Фоп 
you can justify the cost with onc picce of 
soliware: Battle Chess on CD-ROM by 
Interplay. You get your plot and action, 
your animation and music, and your sex 
and violence—all in the granddaddy of 
games, albeit not one Karpov would rec- 
ognize. When the queen glides across 


ties 


13 


14 


RAW DATA 


SIGNIFICA, INSIGNIFICA, STATS AND FACTS ] 


To me, clowns 
aren't funny. In fact, 
they're kind of scary. 
I have wondered 
where this started 
and I think it goes 
back to the time 1 
went to the ci 
and a clown 
ту dad.”—Saturday 
Night Live’s jac 
HANDEY, IN HIS NEW 
воок Deep Thoughts: 
Inspiration for lhe 
Uninspived 


MILE-HIGH BALLS 


Percentage ol ex- 
tra distance a basc- 
travel 
proposed 
National League sta- 


FACT OF THE MONTH 


n The Steel Phantom in West 
Mifflin, Pennsylva 


to the 1/5. іп 1991 
nder the Voluntary 
Restraint Agreement 
Japan adopted ten 
2,300,000. 


Number 
shipped to the U.S. 


actually 
in 1991: 


FUNNY MONEY 


Percentage of U.S. 
currency that is be- 
lieved to be counter- 
feit: 0.5. 

. 
mount of coun- 
terleit money seized 
by the Secret Ser- 
vice т 1990 before 
it was circulat- 
ed, $66,000,000; 
amount passed on 


1,500,000. 


а—!һе 


dium over that of fastest roller coaster in the to the public, 
a scadevel ballpark; world—reaches speeds of 80 $14,000,000. 
nine. miles per hour down its 225- 
o foot drop. уы 6690р 
How fa 


ball breaking 14 inches at 
will break in Denver: 11 inches. 


STICKY FINGERS 


In a survey of 155 retail d 
stores by Ernst & Young, the number 
of employees in 1990 apprehended 
for theft, 30,000; the number of 
shoplifters arrested, 406,000. 


GREAT WORK IF YOU CAN GET IT 


In a study of men who work out- 
doors, the percentage decrease of 
sperm-count levels during an 
age summer month from those оГ 
ical winter month, 24; percent 
sperm conc 
tage drop in 

erm, 28. 


YES, 
Percentage of the 1,885,923 men in 
the U.S. Armed Forces who 


cers, 14.3; percentage of the 229,311 
women, 14.7. 


Henle THEIR OWN 


automobiles Japanese 
com at ies were allowed to export 


Percentage increase in production 


1990 by s in the 
oduce no more 

s a year and sell 

the е of their beer off the 


premises: 45. 


Percentage increase by U.S. brew- 
pubs—restaurants that brew and sell 
their own beer on-site: 81. 

. 

According to the Institute for 
udies, number of micro- 
‚їп 1985, 2 
of brewpubs 


. 
Number of states that consider 


brewpubs illegal, 14. 
. 
Average price of a 
cro-beer: $6. 


SING FOR YOUR SUPPER 


Cost of having Kim Basinger make 


ix-pack of. 


an appearance at your рагу, 
$85,000; of having Luciano Pavarotti 
show up, $119,000; of having Pava- 


rotti sing, $187,000. —BETIY SCHAAL 


the board to engage in battle, for exam- 
gets so excited her nipples show 
gh her gown. When pieces siart 
combat, the animation kicks in with bolts 
of lightning, puffs of smoke and flashing 
swords. Pawns knee opposing knights in 
the groin and dramatic Gothic music ac- 
companies bishops’ moves. 

How soon will this new tool grow old? 
There are 169,518,829,100,544,000,- 
000,000,000,000 possible combinations 
of the first ten moves of chess. And we 
plan to exploit them all 


SEXUAL WAIVERS 


In the wake of the flurry of sex-related 
tion comes actual preprinted sexu- 
nt forms from Conforms, а To- 
romo-based company. The forms, which 
are available in a passport-sized case, in- 
clude spaces for indicating where the sex 
act will occur, the method of birth con- 
trol that will be used and whether either 
partner is in an altered state. H nothing 
else, the forms, which require signatures 
for both parties, also may assist in docu 
menting future tell-all books by the likes 
of Geraldo Rivera or Wilt Chamberlain. 


DOES OLIVER TWIST? 
When asked b 


the gay publication 
Te Atvacud ТЫН even had a hemos 
ual encounter, director Oliver Stone said 
he wouldu't deny it, but refused to elab- 
gested that the govern- 
might use the facts against him 

put it: “Then they'll really be on 


my ass!" 


WE SHALL NOT BE MOVED 


Herb Caen, columnist for The San 
Francisco Chronicle, has unearthed а mod- 
ern myth that originated at USAir—and 
may or may not be true. An airline em- 
ployee with the last name of Gay board- 
ed a flight with a nonrevenue ticket. His 
scat was occupied by a paying passenger. 
so he slipped to an empty spot in the 
back of the plane, which was over- 
booked. When the gate agent came on 
board to remove all nonpaying passen- 
gers, he stopped at the seat originally as- 
signed to Mr. Gay and asked the man, 
“Are you € The prised fellow 
nodded, The agent told him he'd have 
10 leave. The real Mr. Gay stood up and 
said, got the wrong тап—Гт 


п across the 
imed, "Hell. 
k us all өй!” 


a young ma 


sle stood up 
I'm gay, too—they 


NAUGHTY NATURE NOTES, PT. 84 


Consider the sea slug, a beet-red blob 
that lives in colonies on the bottom of the 
One of the simpler animals on 
inet, it does little more than cat 
sleep and copulate. Mostly copulate. Ac- 
cording to Thomas Capo, a biologist at a 
slug-breeding lab in. Miami, the wormy 


Dees JA MK m uA ara ad “жа aZ NOLO азаитат ашу Ам звы ноу 4 


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CRANTASIA 


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16 


Auen TOP TEN JAILS 


by Joseph Henslik #03759051, 


John Shinners #03799041 and 


John ^ Molenda #99903024 


The U.S. locks up more people per 
capita than any other nation in the 
world. Even those who thought them- 
selves immune discovered they wer 
not: Ask Leona Helmsley, Mike Tyson, 
Ivan Boesky or Michael Milken. In 
the event the D.A. asks you to consid- 
er doing time, it may help to have а 
list of the best. Here, from three in 
the know, are the s 

1. Fairbanks Correctional Center, 

airbanks, Alaska. Capacity: 194. In- 
mates per cell: dormitory-style bunks 
and single cells. TV: total cable. Visits: 
regular contact visits. Meals: eclectic 
and plentiful 

АП social events and religious se 
vices are coed. Inmates wear, in their 

ing units, Levis 501 jeans. The in- 
door-outdoor recreational facilities 
are fully equipped. People are st 
talking about the time they served the 
Captain's Plate: Alaskan king crab. 
shrimp and fried scallops. 

2. Boulder County Jail, Boulder. 
Colorado Capacity: 311 Inmates fer 
cell: one. TV: VCR and networ 
regular contact visits. Meals: sl 
but hot. 

One of few jails with a smoke-free 
environment. The big plus: weekly 
coed religious services and social 
gatherings. Several times a year, local 
musicians perform op coed 
concerts. Most requested tunes? Fol- 
som Prison Blues and Free Bird, 

3. Oahu Community Correction: 
Center, Honolulu, Hawaii. Capacity: 
780. Inmates per cell: two. ГИ total ca- 

contact visits. Meals: holi- 
y feasts (Kalua pig) prepared. Ar- 
clutecture: modules of 24 to 36 rooms 

‘h. Landscape: palm trees 

Aerobics classes, continuing educa- 
tion courses and law library are great 
time killers. 

4. Clark County Detention Center, 
Las Vegas, Nevada. Capacity: 1343. 
Inmates per cell: one to two. 
works, nightly videos. Visi 
contact visits. Meals: small and war 

Unlimited free local phone calls 
and daily newspaper deliveries al- 
low for placing bets with friends on 
the outside. Cash winnings may be 
dropped olf or moneygrams deposit- 
ed in noninterest-bearing accounts. 

5. Olmsted County Jail, Rochester, 
Minnesota. Capacity: 54. Inmates per 
cell: one. TV: cable. Visits: supervised 


contact visits almost daily. Meals: wa- 
dition of great cooking established by 
sheriff's wife. 

The jail's doctors and surgeons ar 
the same ones who treat presidents 
and heads of state at Mayo Clinic. 
And their prison services are free. 

6. Cabell County Jail, Huntington, 
West Virginia. Capacity: 150. Inmates 
per cell: two to four and dormitory- 
style. TV: basic cable. Visits: two-hour 

five nights a week 
Meals: inmates are given pizza and 
Pepsi. 

Built in 1939, this brick-and-steel 
lockup was nearly the worst in the 
country until a recent court-ordered 
renovation. Special diet meals are 
available for corpulent cons 

7. Evans County Jail, Claxton, 
Georgia. Capacity: 25. Inmates per cell: 
two to four. TV: network. Visits: no con- 
tact. Meals: delicious—catered from 
local diner. 

Inmates dress in robes and sl 
lounge on down pillows 
movies. This jail is relatively new 
(1983); it smells like a new car. 

8. Crittenden County Jail, Marion 
Kentucky, Capacily: 16. Inmates per cell: 
two to four. ГИ satellite hookup—no 
remote control. Visis: no contact. 
Meals: superb. 

Meals of chicken, black-eyed peas 

ad dumplings are d here. Or 
you may order pizza from Pizza 
Majic—they take anybody's check. 

9. Linn County Correctional Cen- 
ter, Cedar Rapids, lowa. Capacity: 
155. Inmates per cell: one. TV; HBO 

nd Showtime available until 10:30 
rM. Visits: no contact. Meals: good 


Stylishly pink wool blankets 
cryptlike beds. Inmates wea 
orange coveralls in this 
age island complex. Women 
nown to flash their breasts at 
cons they know on the opposite bank 
of the Cedar River. 

10. Hernando County Jail, Brook: 
ville, Florida. Capacity; 252. Inmates 
per cell: two to eight. TY: basic cable, 
video movies on weekend. Visits: coi 
tact visits. Meals: hot, above average. 

Florida orange juice served at 
breakfast and а Commissary that 
supplies toiletries, cakes and. candy 

this air-conditioned facility 
Florida's finest. 


creatures are hermaphrodites and have 
endlessly varied orgies—some involving 
thousands of animals. Scientists. study 
the neurons of the slippery slugs as mod- 
els for more highly developed beasts. As 
's colleague, Dr. Eric Kandel, notes 
a complete c 
ample of 

Hmm, 
rty that lasted an 


rcle of 


| behavior 


ail y 


“higher-order soc 
sounds like a coc 
hour too long. 


ANSWER TO A PAT REMARK 


When national budget 
Darman came home from work recently, 
his dog, Gofer, was missing. He got a 
phone call. It seems Gofer had been 
stalking а jogger in his McLean, Vir- 
neighborhood. But Gofer wasn't 
in the pound. He was in the custody of 
the Secret Service, Apparently, the re- 
had been u dential 
n, n who 
called Gofer's master “the Dr. Kevorkian 


of the American economy." 
. 


rector Dick 


Best expression of candor from 
woman: " For years, we've been trying to 
keep our underwear out of our crack, 
and then they come up with the thong!” 


MINOR NOTES FROM MAJOR PLAYERS 


The older you get, the harder and 
faster you work. But how can you be 
more efficent? We asked writers Jean 
Penn and Judie Gregg to check 

Brian Fox (president, B. D. Fox and 
Friends Advertising): “I've found that 
the more I slow down, the more I get 
done. Slowing down increases my 
efficiency." 

Louis Rukeyser (financial columnist): 
“Do as much business as possible by 
mail. The phone wastes so much time.” 

Jody Powell (press secretary for the 
Carter Administration): “Dont do 
lunch. It's a great time to return calls to 
people you don't want to talk to.” 

Frank Pierson (screenwriter): “Part of 
my routine for getting rid of anger and 
getting a little exercise is remodeling my 
bathroom. Take a tip from V 
Churchill: “Go and lay a few bricks. 

Bernie Brillstein (former СЕО of Lori 
n Im Entes ment): “Don't waste 
time on bullshit. Don't slip away in the 
rnoon to have an айап.” 

Dick Clark (ol American Bandstand 
fame): “Always fly at night when going 
east and when traveling overseas. That 
way, you arrive in London in plenty of 
time to go to the theater. Jet lag is for 


ston 


Rie Lewis (comedian, actor) 
“When traveling on the road, I, for one, 
will no longer stay near airports in cheap 
hotels that advertise ‘We have AM radio. 
Thats hotel 
pools. Once, I put my toes in one and 


got an ear infection." 


no. Also, never swim 


The American Eagle Ring. 


of sculptor Gilroy Roberts. 


Big. Bold. Substantially styled. A man's ring, 
blazing with the majestic American eagle art of 
Gilroy Roberts, former Chief Sculptor of the 
United States Mint. 

Proudly crafted by the skilled artisans of 
our nation's foremost privately owned mint. A two and one-half carat 
rich, man-made, ruby-red stone, fully faceted and hand-set in real 22 
karat gold coated over solid sterling silver. 

The American Eagle Ring. Just $195, payable in convenient 
monthly installments. Only from The Franklin Mint. 

Return Assurance Policy 
If you wish to return any Franklin Mint purchase, you may do so 
within 30 days of your receipt of that purchase for replacement, 
credit or refund. 


Made in the U.S.A. 


Real 22 karat gold coated over 
solid sterling silver set with a 
fully faceted stone of rich ruby red. 


Please mail by July 31, 1992. 
The Franklin Mint 
Special Order Department 
Franklin Center, PA 19091-0001 


| wish to order The American Eagle Ring by Gilroy Roberts. 
Crafted іп solid sterling silver coated with 22 karat gold and 
hand-set with a rich, red, fully faceted man-made ruby. 

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after shipment, in 4 equal monthly installments of $39.* each. 

“Риз my state sales tax and a one-time charge of $2. for shipping and handling. 


SIGNATURE 
ALLOROERS ARE SUBIECT TO ACCEPTANCE 
MR/MRIS/MISS E 
PLEASE PRINT CLEARLY 
ADDRESS = АРТ. # 
CITY/STATE. ——ZP. 
сағы 15490-6JTV-5 


To assure a proper fit, a custom ring sizer will be sert to you 
prior to shipment of your ring. 


18 


VIC GARBARINI 


win pip Bruce Springsteen divide 24 
songs into separate albums, Human Touch 
and Lucky Town (Columbia)? Probably be- 
cause he sensed that his hard-won 
wisdom, understated intensity and reve- 
latory wonder would spontaneously 
combust if he packed it all into one set. 
Each song is about having the courage to 
ride down that Тилле! of Love he was so 
id of back іп 1987. He's chased aw; 
illusions and fears and revels in the 
macy and commitment he's found with 
his wife, children and friends. Rarely 
have I heard a work so conscious of self 
and yet so lacking in self-consciousness. 
There are no surrogate characters here. 
The self-doubting Mary from Thunder 
Road is gone. Springsteen chronicles 
with grace and soulful humility the Local 
Hero who yearns for real heroism as a 
mate and mature man. The pat- 
there in the most prosaic song ti- 
tles: Its a Man's Job to enter the Real 
World as а Real Man. Disappointments? 
The music could be more adventurous, 
but without the F Street Band, the 
stripped-down rawness and directness of 
the music sounds partly like Sun sessions 
and partly like Woody Guthrie. It feels 
right. At 42, the Boss has found a touch- 
ston himself. No inflated Glory Days 
here, just Beller Days—richly satisfying 
and still a bit scary. But solid. 


Fast cuts: On David Byrne's first real 

Heads solo outing, Ui 
tegrates the chi 
his early work with the Afro-Caribbean 
polyrhythms of his later albums. The re- 
sult is wise, weird, tuneful and funny. 
And you can dance to it. 


DAVE MARSH 


On the basis of its second album, Skin 
(Atlantic). Psychefunkapus could be- 
come a leader of the new rock-funk 
genre, along with Living Colour, Follow 
for Now and Blackasaurus Mex. Skin is a 
long stride forward from the Psyche- 
funkapus debut. It blends funk, metal, 
id rock, comedic outrage and surf mu- 
sic into а surprisingly nifty package. A 
band with the imagination to create a 
psychedelic-surf spoof as funny as Surfin’ 
on Jupiter and the savvy to rope Dick 
Dale into playing the guitar solo can't be 
en off. And a band with the chops to 
ong like Evol Ving, which 
and the eed mannerisms 


L the height of its pow- 
ture growth would depend on de- 


New Springsteen: 24 songs, two albums. 


Better Days for the Boss, 
Tracy Chapman gets romantic 
and Def Leppard returns. 


veloping a strong individual voice from 
among the band's quartet of writers and 
ily, no one suggests him- 
en Psychefunkapus adopts a 
ision, it will also adopt a single 
direction. This will help in sell- 
rds. It will also end the group's 
most interesting musical ре 
damn me for being а cynic. T 
time Га sure like to be wrong 


FAST CUTS: Melissa Ethe 
Enough (Island): Etheridge 
ing to soar, pushing her voice 
songs to reach places deeper and darker 
than her earlier albums touched. 

David Murray. Shokill’s Warrior (DI W/ 

Columbia): What used to be called soul 
smokin’ R&B sax. 
A Tribute to Jack Johnson 
(Columbia Legacy): Take away the horns 
from this 20-year-old sound track and 
you'd have some of the meanest metal 
ever made. Put Davis’ trumpet back in 
and it "brings the noise" as powerfully as 
Public Enemy has dreamed it 


ROBERT CHRISTGAU 


Metal connoisseurs 


flat-out 
ac nes 


flash ig high-funk dri be so fid: 


h these days. But anybody who thinks 
raw power is what metal is for will get off 
on its loud rush. Body Counts front 
man sets them apart. 

Ice-I doesnt think metals outra- 
geousness should end with doomsd. 
rhetoric and backstage blow jobs from а 
KKK Bitch to whom he teaches the prop- 
er use of white sheets. He also describes 
racism in language metalheads can un- 
derstand, kills several policemen and 
cuts his momma into little pieces bec: 
she tells him to hate white people. 
can be а very funny record, Ice-T г 
wants to know whether Tipper С 
whose 12-year-old nieces he sexes up 
along the way, gets the joke. 

Working their own rap-guitai 
face are the Beastie Boys, who actu 
play most of the mi on their third al- 
bum. Even so, Check Your Head (Capitol) 
sounds more like the multisampled 
Paul's Boutique than the party-hearty Li- 
censed to Ш. Big noise or no big noise, it's 
avant-garde rather than arena. Very 
funny, sure—but subtler than Body 
Count, for better and worse. 


Fast CUTS: Giant Sand, Ramp (Amazing 
09 North Campbell, Box 
19): Neil Young 
moves to a commune in the desert with 
his fountain of youth. 

Mzwakhe Mbuli, Resistance Is Defence 
liac): Township ji 


ver- 


CHARLES M. YOUNG 


Having endured more than its share 
of tragedy —drummer Rick Allen lost his 
arm in a car wreck, guitarist Steve Clark. 
died of alcoholism—Def Leppard still 
sounds remarkably like Def Lepp 
On Adrenalize (Mercury), the band’s fap 
album, the ingredients remain the 
several years in the studio honing every- 
thing to perfection, mid-tempo drums, 
great chiming metal rifls, predominant 
vocals as multitracked as anyit ng the 


sole exception to 
White Lightning, an 
ugs and ıhat 
emorial to the talented 
rk. ІСІ be interesting to 
see if these guys can convert. another 
ion of 16-year-olds to renew 
their fan base. That gei 
be drawn more toward the alien; 
scendants of the Sex Pistols a 
Stooges. Can Def Leppard, descendants 
of Queen, go multipl a the 
age of Nirvana? Only your little brother 
knows 


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FAST TRACKS 
OCKMETER 


RAP 101 DEPARTMENT: About rap, Ice-T 
says, “It’s a dick thing. If that’s sexist, 
I can't help it.” Yo, T, have you men- 
tioned this theory 10 Salt-N-Pepa or 
Queen Latifah? 

REELING AND ROCKING: Tone-Loc has 
been cast in a nonsinging role in the 
next John (Boyz n the Hood) Singleton 
film called Poetic Justice. . . . Dwight 
Yoakam will be making his movie de- 
but in Red Rock West, starving Nicolas 
Coge and Dennis Hopper. Yoakam plays 
a truck driver. .. . Another country 
nger. George Strait, is working on Un- 
wound, in which he plays a country 
star. Clever casting. . . . The new Tom 
Cruise-Nicole Kidman movie Far and 
Away was shot in Dublin, with music 
provided by the Chieftains. 
keyboardist David Bryan has teamed 
with Edgar Winter to do the sound 
track for Netherworld, set in Louisiana 
and starring Michael Bendetti of 27 
Jump Street. 

NEWSBREAKS: The Triplets are work- 
ing ona TV pilot based on their 
and singing careers. . . . A four-CD 
boxed set with 100 Bob Marley songs 
from 1962 to 1980 will be in stores 
this fall. elling Achtung Baby 
condoms for three dollars apiece at all 
its concerts. . . . Bill Graham's autobiog- 
raphy will come out in October. Gra- 
ham was working on it with writer 
Robert Greenfield at the time of his 
death. . . . Janet Jackson went back into 
the studio with Jimmy Jom and Terry 
Lewis to record the follow-up to 
Rhythm Nation. Expect to see it by the 
end of 1992 . Look for Ringo and 
his all-Starr band on the road. Joining 
him will be Joe Walsh, Nils Lofgren, Dave 
Edmunds, Todd Rundgren and othe: Б 
Morionne Foithful is writing her autobi- 
ography in which she will tell all. “Гуе 
come to realize that if 1 don't tell my 
story, others will, and they'll get it 
wrong E 


scheduled for 1994. . .. Now that Julie 
Brown is Downtown no more—she left 
MTV last April—she will be hosting 
her own national radio show and tak- 
ing acting le: . .. . Attention Par- 
rotheads: Jimmy Buffet is touring and 
his boxed CDs are in the stores. Let's 
party. . . . Three albums in the top 
20 aren't enough: Gorth Brooks will 
have a studio album out in Septem- 
ber and a Christmas album you know 
when... . Nie Peeples has been offered 
the lead in Miss Saigon on Broad- 
way. . . . Why did newsman Tom 
Brokow agree to be sampled on the 
track Time Changes Everything from 
Slaughter's LP? His daughter a 
fai . Daryl Holl has been writing 
ies with Brond New Heavies and Rob- 
bie Nevil for the next Hall & Oates al- 
bum. . . . Donna Summer is bringing out 
her own line of jewelry in a collection 
called the Treasure Chest to be mar- 
keted by the Circle Galleries across 
the country. . . , Sinéad O'Connor's next 
LP, due out before the end of the year, 
will be written by others because she's 
preparing for her movie role in Joan 
of Arc. . . . Gene Simmons has designed 
a new bass called the Punisher to be 
manufactured by "When 
you hear it, you will be punished," he. 
promises. . . . Finally, іп a recent in- 
terview, Eddie Von Holen remarked that 
songwriting wasn't as difficult as brain 
surgery. Then he received a letter and 
a handbook from a neurosurgeon at 
Boston's Massachusetts General Hos- 
| who offered a day's instruction 
in brain surgery in exchange for a 
guitar lesson. Sull another letter ar- 
rived from an Encino, California, sur- 
geon who said, “I have surgery 
шеа for next Wedne: 
offered an exchange for m 
sons. lt may be that songwri 
more difficult. No word on 

response. — BARBARA NELLIS 


FAST CUTS: Bongwater, The Big Sell-Out 
y-Dise): Forced weirdness, but 
good forced we x 

The Disposable Heroes of Hiphoprisy. 
Hypocrisy 15 the Greatest Luxury (4th А 
Broadway/Island): With political analysis 
to match their rage. and no racist or s 
scapegoating, these guys are the rap 
pers Гуе been waiting for. Their cover of 
California Über Alles will warm the hearts 
of all aging punks. Sounds good, and no 
gangsta splatta 


NELSON GEORGE 


Because Tracy Chapman's debut al- 
bum featured Fast Car and because of 
her stunning appearance at Live Aid, 
many view Chapman as a political 
artist—sort of a Bob Dylan with braids. 
this 
intense romantic whose best 
songs are about the vulnerability one 
feels in committing to love. Her sopho- 
more album, while often st g didn't 
scem as lyrically focused as her first. 
Chapman's third effort, Matters of the 
Heart (Elektra), is highlighted by several 
poignant love songs that she deliver: 
her trademark deep 
Used to Be a Sailor is а celebra 
sea and sun—part love ballad, part eco- 
logical propaganda. Either way you take 
the song has a sunny, feel-good 
warmth that’s charming. Open Arms, a 
atement of one lovers willingness to 
absorb the pain ofa mate. y 
out falling victim to the sentimentality or 
impy masochism most pop songwrite 
bring to this subject. The title track is 
minor masterpiece of loving imager 
The verses are short, so the hook come: 
around quickl 


man’s first two albums, collec- 
tion is not perfect. The antiviolence Bang 
Bang Bang doesn't confront the subject 
of our gun culture. Woman's Work, with 
is haunting melody, scems to end just 
i's getting started. Chapman's 
ind songs are so touching that one 
this album of ten songs were 
That said, Matters of the Heart is 
one of the year's best recordings. 


En Vogue exploded two 
lis. second 


years ago with Hold On. 
effort, Funky Divas (Atco/E; 


if i'l have the ial impact 
Artistically, the ladies every- 
thing from funk (Give И Up, Turn It Loose) 
(My Lovin’) to classic soul 
(Giving Him Something He Can Feel). Divas 
is well performed and arranged but 
doesn't seem as inspired as En Vogue's 
debut album. 


MOVIES 


By BRUCE WILLIAMSON 


тг PROBABLY sounded great when the 
powers that be gave 2 green light to 
Housesitter (Universal). Team Goldie 
Hawn and Steve Martin in a high-con- 
сері comedy. He's a shy Boston architect 
stuck with a brand-new house that he 
built for the woman he loves (Dana De- 
lany), who said no thanks. Goldie's a 
wacky waitress who spends one night 
with him, then impulsively decides to oc- 
cupy the empty house and tell the world 
she's his wife, Of course, he shows up at 
the door and her lies begin to catch up 
with Век So she makes up new ones 
How could a fella resist? Easy. Hawn, 
well past 40 and fighting a role that 
would challenge an actress half her age, 
works up a sweat to make a pathological 
liar likable. Martin has his problems, too, 
tying to pipe solid laughs into a very 
shaky foundation. ¥¥ 
E 


ss 


Most of the sting in Poison Ivy (New 
Line) is traceable to Drew Barrymore 
whose emphatic screen presence must 
be рам of her inheritance from a great 
theatrical family. You will find few 
minders of the dear lithe miss who 
scored a hit in £.7 Here, Drew tarts up 
her tide role as a malevolent and sexual- 
у precocious schoolgirl who worms her 
о the home of a shy friend (Sara 
esh from TV's Roseanne). Th 
friend's parents, already screwed up. are 
Cheryl Ladd as a fading beauty with su 
cidal tendencies and Tom Skerritt as а 
television executive full of on-the-job 
angst. The bad vibes worsen when Ivy 
arrives, vamping Dad while wickedly 
working her wiles on everyone else. Al- 
though director Katt Shea (co-author of 
the screenplay with producer-husband 
Andy Ruben) makes а мар at а serious 
study of a dysfunctional family, she 
winds up packaging Barrymore's hot 
new look in a straight, standard melo- 
dramatic shocker. YY 

. 


те- 


The Playboys (Samucl Goldwyn) has 
hi to do with any magazine. It's an 
amiable comedy about а bedraggled 
Irish theatrical troupe on tour in Ire 
n 1957. Playboys tracks a romantic t 
gle steeped in local color, with a gor- 
geous village belle (Robin Wright, best 
membered for The Princess Bride) call- 
ing the shots. Wright plays Tara, whose 
illegitimate infant is living proof of her 
casy ways. Her ardent pursuers are the 
town's lovesick police officer (Albert 
Finney) and one of the ham actors in 

it (Aidan Quinn). Milo O'Shea plays 
a strolling wvo-bit entrepreneur. who 
doesn't hesitate to have his players whip 
up an impromptu stage version of Gone 
with the Wind or booked 


y other mov 


Martin and Hawn in residence. 


Goldie, Steve lose ground; 
Drew Barrymore sizzles as 
a teenage troublemaker. 


in a town nearby. He's the last of his 
breed at a time when TV is already 
drawing ticket buyers from his makeshift 
tent show 10 the village pub. So goes 
the subplot of a feisty screenplay co- 
authored by Shane Connaughion, who 
wrote My Lefi Foot, and directed with rel- 
ish by Gillies Mackinnon. As а portrait 
of a spirited provincial beauty who is 
her home town's main attraction, The 
Playboys is long on charm. ¥¥¥ 
. 

In The Hairdresser’s Husband (Triton), 
Jean Rochefort wallows in the title char- 
acter's lifelong obsession with volup- 
tuous women who trim a fellow's locks. 
The movie takes а peculiar turn whe 
the beloved lush hairdresser (played ata 
simmer by Anna Galiena) finds that her 
husband's endless sex games provide 
more mutual bonding and pure bliss 
than she can handle. Writer-director 
Patrice Leconte's view is very French— 


and not always comprehensible. УМА 
. 


А furtive, touching love scene behind 
drawn curtains in a hospital ward is one 
of the emotional high points of The Wa- 
terdance (Goldwyn), The twosome mak- 
ing out surreptitiously arc a writer (Eric 
Stoltz), paralyzed from the waist down as 
the result of a fall, and the young ma 
ried woman (Helen Hunt) he had been 
wooing before hiking accident. 
Handicapped characters developing 
courage in dire straits is hardly a new 
idea, but author and co-director (with 


his 


Michael Steinberg) Neil Jimenez gets it 
xactly right. Getting around by means 
of a wheelchair himself after а mour 
tain-climbing mishap, Jimenez gives real 
punch to Waterdance's portrayal of wur- 
moil, pluck and humor. Wesley Snipe 
and William Forsythe add to the int 
ty as Stoltz’s angry fellow patients. Its t 
tle is taken from a dream about surviv- 
ng against huge odds, and the movie 
itself beats the odds by turning a poten- 
tially depressing subject into a compas- 
sionate comedy of terrors. УМА 
. 
'ench romance For Sasha (MK?) 
butz in Israel, where 
three young Frenchmen show up mainly 
to remind a beautiful charmer named 
Laura (Sophie Marceau) that they are 
crazy about her. Laura, we learn, thinks 
they're swell, but she only has eyes for 
asha (Richard Berry), who goes off to 
fight in the Six-Day War in 1967. Co- 
author and director Alexandre Arcady 
clearly means to dramatize the halcyon 
days of life on the kibbutz a quarter c 
tury ago, yet For Sasha somehow rese 
bles a project that gets born during the 
nd-cheese phase of a long French 
lunch. Provid topical showcase for 
its female star seems to be the movie's re- 
im, and on that point it scores fairly 
high. Marceau is gorgeous, gifted and 
blessed with a screen presence that caus- 
es the movie camera to melt—just like 
those three garcons who fall apart every 
time they look at her. ҰҰ 
E 

Her films for export add eloquent 
testimony that all is not well in Mother 
Russia. The most disturbing evidence of 
chaos comes from Raspad (MK2), co-au 
thor and direcior Mikhail Belikov's dr 
matization of the 1986 nuclear disaster 
at Chernobyl. Even the moviemaker and 
his crew were exposed t0 lingering on- 

adiation while shooting these com- 

vignettes of public and private 
horror. A danse macabre on the edge of 
the abyss, Raspad (the title translates as 
“collapse”) vigorously depicts a time of 
official li moral decay and despair 
before glasnost allowed the truth to 
be told. ¥¥¥/2 


Australian producer-director Dennis 
O'Rourke's The Good Woman of Bangkok 
(Roxie Releasing) is a grim docum 
lary portrait of a 25-year-old prostitute 
named Aoi. “I hate them,” she says of her 
international clientele, and the horny, 
insensitive johns on screen more than 
justify her contempt. O Rourke, with a 
broken marriage behind him when he 
went to Thailand to find a whore worth 
filming, hired Aoi to sleep with him 
while he shot the movie and seems to kid 
himself that there's a kind of mutual 


21 


romance in their relationship. Her obvi- 
ously sulky acquiescence suggests that, 
for her, filming is just an easier way to 
rn a buck. In fact, O'Rourke bought 
rice farm for Aoi so she could rejoin he 
family and escape the wicked street life 


year's stint as Furious Styles, the 
protective father in director John 
Singleton's Oscar-nominated Boyz 
n the Hood. Larry Fishburne, 30, has 
been on the move ever since. He 
has made his Broadway debut in 
August Wilson's Коо Trains Run- 
ning, a show he had already per- 
formed on stage in L.A, and is 
making waves in his first leadin 
man movic role in Deep Cover, 
plainclothes cop up to his ears 
sex, drugs and danger. 

It all began roughly two decades 
ago when the Georgia-born Fish- 


g 
burne moved to Brooklyn and be- 
came a child actor. At the age of 


15, he was signed for Francis Ford 
Coppola's Apocalypse Now (as the 
stoned GI traveling upriver with 
Martin Sheen). By the time he'd 
finished filming in the Phil 
he was 17 and felt like a r 
nam veteran. “I went a little crazy, 
like everyone else. But that was 
where I got my training.” He set- 
tled down during four years of TV, 
playing Cowboy Curtis on Pee-wee's 
Playhouse, where he met Singleton, 
then a production assistant— just 
a kid in film school.” Before Boyz, 
Fishburne did Spike Lee's School 
Daze but turned down Do the Right 
Thing. “1 didn't want to play Radio 
Raheem beca death started. 
a race riot, which didn't seem to 
me to be justilied." He also said no 
to an orderly's role in Awakenings 
in order to play Gene Hackman's 
legal sidekick in Class Action. But 
he still cites King of New York as his 
favorite movie role. "I was a classic 
two-gun kid, a killer. It was lots of 
fun, No message, no political stuff 
You don't always have to lecture.” 


of Bangkok, but subsequently found her 
back in town plying her trade. Good 
Woman of Bangkok is a downbeat but 
provocative picture of a hopelessly emp- 
ice and it makes fictional treat- 
t—Ken Rus- 
mple—look 


ty exis 
ments of the same subj 
sell's Whore is a glaring ex: 
frivolous. ¥Y¥/2 


. 
Thieves, 
for possession of a huge boule of rare old 
wine in Year of the Comet (Columbia). The 
wine isan 1811 Lafite—a famed vintage 
from which the comedy takes its title; 
everyone at hand, however, seems main- 
ly concerned with drinking in the scen- 
ery, from the Scottish Highlands to the 
French Riviera. Penelope Ann Miller 
and Timothy Daly (Iynes handsome 
brother) wage their Це of the s 
in transit while fending off the machina- 
tions of Louis Jourdan and various othe 
evildoers. Peter Yates (of Bullitt’ and 
Breaking Away) directed from a screen- 
play by William Goldman, who wrote 
Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid. Both 
have seen better days. Both also have 
homes in the south of France, and Comet 
looks very much like an idea one of them 
must have scribbled on a napkin as they 
shared a bottle of vin ordinaire. YY 


eps and connoisseurs vie 


Baseball nowadays may be rife with 
sleazy sex and self-indulgence, but The 
Babe (Universal) reaffirms that ballsy 
base runners are nothing new under the 
Goodman looks, if anything, 
er than the original Babe 
Ruth—but he is a supercharged MVP as 
the famous womanizing, hard-drinking, 
fast-living Sultan of Swat. The movie is 
as broad and obvious as a poster, consid- 
erably bigger than life itself, with sym 
thetic stints by Trini Alvarado as Ruth's 
t wife and Kelly McGillis as the glam- 
r girl in his future. For fans, it's the 
standard rise-and-fall, rags-to-riches for- 
mula—not great, but far better than The 
Babe Ruth Story, a 1948 blooper starring 
William Bendix. ¥¥ 

. 


even he 


Two women on the road, 
put their pasts—and the titul 
jerkwater outpost in. Wyoming- 
them, are the heroines of Leaving Normal 
(Universal). Christine Lahü plays Darly, 


Meg Tilly as Marianne, 
optimistic runaway wife w y 
being manhandled. Sound familiar? Un 
wtunately, director Е 
lows both the screenplay and the 
mances to go soft compared to those in 
Thelma & Louise. Even so, Lahti and Tilly 
keep up a lively exchange of grievances 
pute to a new life in Alaska. Th 
t of lesbianism in their togetherness 

in that title), but Lenny Von 


making sexual preference an issue. УИ 


MOVIE SCORE CARD 


capsule close-ups of current films 
by bruce williamson 


The Babe (See review) Not over the 


fence, but odman's a hit yy 
Basic Instinct (Reviewed 6/92) Sex 
games with a serial killer ТА 


City of Joy (6/99) Dr. Patrick Swayze in 
darkest Calcutta. wy 
Edward И (5/92) A monarch undone by 


the man he loves. vu; 
For Sasha (Sce review) Marceau is the 
morsel everyone craves. Ww 


The Good Woman of Bangkok (Sec re- 
view) Whores de combat. wu 
The Hairdresser's Husband (See review) 


Touchy-feely and French. Wi 
Highway 61 (6/92) Travels with a 
corpse—in the of fun, уу 


Housesitter (See review) Goldie makes 
a move on dubious Steve Martin. YY 
Howards End (4/92) A brilliant E. M 
Forster comedy 


‘om the Merchant— 


Ivory team. Im 
Incident at Oglala (6/92) Indians in 
trouble with the FBI. wu 
K2 (12/91) A peak experience. wy 


Leaving Normal (See review) Two more 
gutsy girls on the go. БЫА 
Mediterraneo (0/92) Some Greeks bear- 
ing gilts for Italian soldiers won this 
comedy an Oscar yyy 
Monster in a Box (6/92) Spalding Gray 
in a talkathon worth watching. ¥¥¥ 
Night on Earth (6/92) Around the world 


by taxi with Jim Jarmusch. vvv 
The Playboys (See review) They're 
prize hams and they're Irish. wy 


The Player (6/92) Robert Altman gives 
Hollywood the hotfoot in а witty all- 


star whodunit. УУУУ 
Poison Ivy (Sec review) Ms. Barrymore 
as a houschold pest. БЫ 
Raspad (Sce review) The Chernobyl 


disaster and how it grew. vvv 
Thunderheart (6/99) Killers at large on 


an Indian reservation yy 
Waiting (6/92) Who said surrogate 
motherhood was simple? wy 
The Waterdance (See review) Men with 
handicaps face the future. УД 


Wild Orchid 2: Two Shades of Blue (Listed 
only) More trash with flash from Zal- 


man King. уу 
Year of the Comet (Sce review) Wine, 
woman and wanderlust yu 


¥¥¥¥ Don't miss 
¥¥¥ Good show 


YY Worth a look 
¥ Forget it 


Jack Daniel's 


Country Cocktails 


Theres a little Jack Daniels and a lot of great taste 
in these new drinks from Jack Daniels. 


folks at Jack Daniels came 

out with anything new. 
Jack Daniel's itself hasn't 
been new since 1866, and 
that’s sort of been the pace 
down here in Lynchburg, 
Tennessee. 


I: been awhile since the 


Т 


DISTILLERY 


NON > 
[46 )1866 


VISITORS 
WELCOM 
CONS 


Jack Daniel's is made in the hills of Tennessee at America's 
oldest registered distillery. Come visit us sometime. 


But now there really is some- 
thing new. Jack Daniel's 
Country Cocktails. They're a 
whole line of good tasting 
drinks already made up in 
little bottles with lots of 


ES 


Just pour our new Country Cocktails aver ice. sit back and enjoy. Each one's as good as the next. 


country character—and just 
a touch of smooth-sipping 
Tennessee Whiskey, 

Each Country Cocktail is 
our own original recipe. 
There's Lynchburg Lemonade, 
Tennessee Tea and Downhome 
Punch. And they’re just as 
easy to serve as they are to 


Jack Daniel’s 


COUNTRY 
COCKTAILS 


A little Jack Daniel's, a lot of great taste. ` 


drink. You just pour over ice 
and enjoy. 


We do hope you'll agree our 
Jack Daniel’s Country Cock- 
tails are worth a try. 


After all, news like this only 
comes out of Lynchburg 
every 125 years or so. 


Gorda « 597% alcoho by volume (118-14 pref) = Botted іш Jack Daniel Distitery. Lem Морам. Proprietor Коше 1. Lynchburg (Pep 361. Tennessee 37352. 


24 


VIDEO 


ШІ 


Soap star Jean 
LeClerc, who plays 
the mysterious 
monk-turned-artist 
Jeremy Hunter on All 
My Children, has à 
video library as un- 
predictable as his 
daytime persona. His 
favorites: Jean Cocteau's classic Beauty 
and the Beast ("simply beautiful”); the Vin- 
cent Price chiller The Pit and the Pendu- 
lum; Peter Weir's Gallipoli (early Mel Gib- 
son); and Kenneth Branagh's Henry V. The 
Canadian-born LeClerc says vid viewing is 
а must during escapes from New York. 71 
go to my farm outside Montreal— have a 
huge TV there. It's all part of country liv- 
ing” What's the biggest surprise on the 
actor's vid shelf? A TV special of Elvis’ final 
Vegas concert. “It's not exactly Shake- 
speare," says LeClerc, "but it's like а secu- 
rity blanket: Whenever I want it, it's 
there." UINDA NONNER 


VIDEO SIX-PACK 
this month: go fourth! 


Yankee poodie Dandy: Knockout biopic of 
Broadway legend George M. Cohan 
(James Cagney), “born on the Fourth of 
July” and star-spangled composer of 
Over There! and You're a Grand Old Flag 
(MGM/UA). 

Independence: Birth of a Free Nation: Here's 
what it’s all about— Jefferson, Franklin 
and crew declaring your freedom to be a 
couch potato (Finley-Holiday). 

Miss Firecracker: Bands, bunting and 
bouncy Holly Hunter twirling her baton 
to pursue beauty-contest crown (HBO). 

Born on the Fourth of July: Tom Cruise pays 
the price of patriotism in Oliver Stone's 
searing d 

homecoming 
Univ 
1776: Unique historical musical fe 
founding fathers harmonizing their way 
to independence. Pioneer disc version 
includes Cool, Cool Men, a biting ditty 
removed at the г 


the Fourth’s backyard trad 
bridge Career Products). 
TERRY CATCHPOLE 


VIDEO RETRO 
everything old is new again . 


Fox Video's Go West collection of classic 
high-nooners ($14.98 cach) includes Ty- 
rone Power's 1939 stint as Jesse James; 
John Ford's 1946 My Darling Clementine, 
with Henry Fonda as Wyatt Earp; Duel in 


the Sun, the 1946 Selznick-Vidor romance 
starring Gregory Peck and Jennifer 
Jones; and, natch, five films headlined 
by Duke Wayne. . . . Buena Vista has be- 
gun rolling out its collection of The Very 
Best of the Ed Sullivan Show. The first two 
tapes ($19.99 each) are “Unforgettable 
Performances” (including the Beatles, 
Elvis and the Supremes) and “The 
Greatest Entertainers” (with Jackie Glea- 
son, Topo Gigio and Burton and An- 
drews doing Camelot). . . . HBO's Gold- 
wyn Collection has added five new 
remastered titles. Among them: Eddie 
Cantor's Whoopee! (1930), The Goldwyn 
Follies of 1938 (including a restored Bal- 
anchine ballet set to Gershwin's An Amer- 
ican in Paris) and A Song Is Born (1948), a 
valentine to the big-band era, starring 
Danny Kaye. . . . M*A*S*H ran on the tube 
for 11 years and was nominated for 99 
now Columbia House is practi- 
ng the series away—well, it’s 
$4.05 for an intro volume and $19.95 for 
each subsequent three-episode tape. Call 
800-638-2922. 


ADULT PICK OF THE MONTH 


Sex Lives on Porno Tape: Blending staged 
action and docu-style interviews (with 
naked subjects), this scorcher explores 
the minds and libidos of those who enjoy 
getting it on for the camera: America's 
adult-video stars. Great-looking couples, 
refreshingly original, very hot (VCA). 


LASER ALERT 


Bulls love laser discs not only for their 
quality but also for their extra features. 
Voyager's Criterion Collection makes 


particularly good use of platter space i 
these discs: 

Midnight Cowboy: С al trailer; script 
analysis; remarks by director John 


ger; Dustin. Hoffman's take on 
J ghts еп test ($79.95). 
Boyz n the Hood: Running commentary 
from rookie director John Singleton; 
two extra scenes; screen tests ol Ice Cube 
and others ($49.95). 

The Fisher King: Six exira scenes; com- 
mentary from director Terry Gilliam, 
who oversaw film's transfer to disc 
($ ). 

Close Encounters of the Third Kind: Extra 
scenes; publicity material; 1000 photos; 
interviews with Steven Spielberg and 
ms ($124.95). 

cenes cut from Ameri 


test; bibliography; dra ndiskäich- 
es by film's artist ($89. 
: A Space Odyssey: Interview with 
ke; NASA footage, anima- 
tion of Jupiter flyby; hundreds of docu- 
emos, photos ($124.95). 
The Graduate: Screen test production 
photos; publicity stills; costume 
tra audio track analyzing the film; a 
comparison to the novel ($99.95). 
CHRIS BALL 
(AU discs available from the Voyager Campa 
ny, 800-146-2001.) 


STAR TURNS 


Frankie & Johnny (Pacino ond Pfeiffer go fram slow burn ta 
sizzle os bedraggled coffee-shop proles]; For the Boys (USO 
troupers Midler and Coon bicker through three wars; Bette’s 
songs soar); Billy Bathgare (Hoffman os Dutch Schultz takes 
оп cheeky gongster wanna-be; o cerebral GoodFellas). 


At Play in the Fields of the Lord (missionaries and merce- 
nory clash in roin forest); two restored classics from Henri- 
Georges Clouzot: The Wages of Fear (bumpy road trip for 
men and nitro; 1953) ond Diabelique (Simone Signoret and 
Clouzot's wife, Vero, conspire to kill farmer's hubby; 1954). 


The Last Boy Scout (The Longest Yord meets Die Hard os Willis 
ond Wayans crash cars and kill people); Ricochet (high- 
profile cop Denzel Woshington stalked by guy he put away; 
goad and tense); Exposure (photographer Peter Cayaie gets 
in deep with drug kingpins—knives fly, blood pours). 


‘SPECIAL INTEREST 


Three fram MPI: Growing Up in the Age of AIDS (Peter Jen- 
nings helms ABC special far all ages; experts, call-ins, О. 
and A.); The Entrepreneurs: An American Adventure (from 
Edison's light bulb to Wally Amos’ chacalate-chip cookie]; 
Contact UFO {ufolagical pros search galaxy for elusive E.T.s). 


the Sun, the 1946 Selznick-Vidor rc 
| 1 starring Gregory Peck and je 
À Jones; and, natch, five films head 
by Duke Wayne. . . . Buena 
gun rolling out its collection of The! 
Re түзөт з Best of the Ed Sullivan Show. The first 
morbi red artist ) each) are “Unforgett: 
Jeremy Hunter on A | Performances" (including the Beat 
e My Children, has а | Elvis and the Supremes) and “H 
Y 


Soap star Jean 
LeClerc, who plays 


video library as un- atest Entertainers” (with Jackie G 
predictable as his son, Topo Gigio and Burton and 
daytime persona. His | drews doing Camelot). HBO's Сс 

favorites: Jean Cocteau's classic Beauty wyn Collection has added five % 

and the Beast ("simply beautiful”); the Vin- remastered titles. Among them. 

cent Price chiller The Pit and the Pendu- Cantors Whoopee! (1930), 

Jum; Peter Weir's Gallipoli (early Mel Gib 

son); and Kenneth Branagh's Henry V. The 

Canadian-born LeClerc says vid viewing is 

a must during escapes from New York. “I 

go to my farm outside Montreal —l have a 

huge TV there. It's all part of country liv. 

ing.” What's the biggest surprise on the for 11 уе 

actor's vid shell? A TV special of Elvis' final. Emmys; now Columbi 

Vegas concert. “It’s not exactly Shake- | cally giving the seri 

speare,” says LeClerc, "but it's like a secu- 

rity blanket: Whenever | want it, it's 

there.” LUNDA KOKKER 


Follies of 1938 (including a г 
anchine ballet set to Gershw 
ican in Paris) and A Song ts 
valentine to the bi 

Danny Kaye. 


VIDEO SIX-PACK 
this month: go fourth! 


Yankee Doodle Dandy: Knockout biopic of 
Broadway legend George M. Cohan 
(James Cagney), “born on the Fourth of 
July” and star-spangled composer of 
Over There! and You're a Grand Old Flag 
(MGM/UA) 

Independence: Birth of a Free Notion: Here's 
what it's all about— Jefferson. Franklir 
and crew declaring your freedom to by 
couch potato (Finley-Holiday) 

Miss Firecracker: В, 

bouncy Holly 


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AS READERS of his previous travel books, 
such as The Old Patagonian Express, Sail- 
ing Through China or Riding the Iron Roost- 
er, know, Paul Theroux weaves masti 
adventure sagas out of his everyday en- 
iettings. In The Happy 
Isles of Oceania (Putnam s), he delights us 
in as he paddles from island to is 
k and discov 
velous scenery and outlandish customs. 

On a winter day, Theroux departs 
London lor a book-promotion tour of 
Australia and New d with the 
sobering news that his wile is divorcing 
him and his doctor thinks he may have 
cancer. While answering questions at a 
book-and-author luncheon in Аш nd, 
he is asked if he is working on a book 
and realizes that he would like to write 
"something about ihe Pacific." "Sudden- 
ly, I wanted to see the extreme green 
isles of Oceania, unmodern, sunny and 
slow, with trees to sit under and blue- 
green lagoons to paddle in. My soul 
hurt, my heart was damaged, I was lone- 
ly. I did not want to see another big с 
med to be purified by water and 
lerness." 

‘Theroux quickly shapes this uneasy 
yearning into an unscheduled, im- 
prompti journey across the islands of 
the Pacific. As he travels, the news rcach- 
es him that he does not have cancer. But 
the sadness of his divorce plagues him 
along the way and. at the end of his 
land wanderings, he is devastated that 
he has no home to return to. 

His trip takes him into the wild out- 
back of Australia, where he visits with 
aborigines who eat kangaroo meat. Then 
on to the Trobriands, where the natives 
sull enjoy their extraordimary sexual 
freedom. In the Solomons, he is amazed 
to find that the islanders use their pr 
tine beaches as toilets and garbage 
dumps and regard Rambo asa folk hero. 
On the island of Tanna in Vanuatu (for- 


merly the New Hebrides), he stays 
among Chr i ies who are 
thrilled to be preaching in s where 
it is rumored that cannil m is still 


practiced. Theroux finds the Polyne: 
cargo cults and fire walking on Fiji more 
fascinating. 

In Tonga, he lives alone on the desert 
island of Pau with only his tent and 
kayak, eating coconuts and listening to 
news of the Gulf war from the BBC. On 
sunny days, he paddles around and ex- 
plores. Unlike Henry David Thoreau, he 
finds the solitary experience lonely and 
depressing. In fact, when he finds foot- 
prints in the sand—just as Robinson 
usoe had done—he takes it as a delu- 
sional sign of “rock fever" and heads for 
me place with people. He spends 


Theroux travels to The Happy Isles. 


Island memoirs from 
Theroux; Bradbury captures 
the Irish spirit. 


Bastille Day in Tahiti and is amused by 
how Gauguin's world has been turned 
upside down: The clothed Christi: 
Tahitians now leer at the pagan French 
tourists who go nude. 

Theroux ends the report of this jour- 
ney on the island of Hawaii, where he 
stays at a $2500-a-day bungalow at the 
Mauna Lani Resort, along with his 
neighbors Arnold Palmer, Lee Trevino 
and Gary Player. As a gesture of disgust, 
he moves with tent and К; 10 а near- 
by beach, where he intentionally limits 
himself to spending $2.50 2 day—and 
enjoys paradise much more at one thou- 
sandth the price. 

Dramatic descriptive power and casu- 
al candor enliven every page of this su- 
bly written adventure. 

Ray Bradbury's latest book is an island 


memoir of sorts, too—a funny and some- 
times poignant story of how he went 


to Ireland in 1953 to write the ser 
play for Moby Dick under the tutelage of 
John Huston. Green Shadows, White Whale 
(Knopf) captures the Irish spi 
asit depicts the outrageous, bigger 
life personality of Huston. As he shuttles 
between Heeber Finn's Dublin pub, 
where the storytellers spin tall tales of lo- 
cal history, and Courtown House, where 
he delivers р: ges of the : script to Huston, 
young Bradbury experiences a transfor- 
mation that allows him to find the cine- 
ic metaphors for Herman Melville's 
sic book. Green. Shadows, White Whale 
5 as distinctive as a pint of ness. 


Ifyou have been taught that the F 
were the good, gray decade of Eisen- 
hower, a dull prelude to the explosive 
Sixties, you will find Dan Wakefield's 
sweet history lesson, New York in the 50s 
(Houghton Mifflin), a real eye-opener 
Wakefield evokes the energy and ideas of 
a time that truly was the intellectual in- 
cubator for all of the social, political and 
cultural upheavals of the Sixties. In this 
“community memoir,” he calls on people 
such as Norman Mailer, Joan. Didion, 
Brock Brower, Nat Непой, David Am- 
ram, Kurt Vonnegut, Gay lalese, Lynne 
Sharon Schwartz and William 
ley. Jr, to reminisce with him abou 
books and music and intense political 
debates of the decade. However, the 
most tel necdotes in this rich and 
thoughtful account are Wakefield's per- 
sonal experiences. 


BOOK BAG 


Brightness Falls (Knopf), by Jay Melner- 
ney: A witty, acid-etched portrait of the 
perfect New York Yuppie couple who 
crash and burn in the greed maelstrom 
of the Eighties. 

Naked at Gender Gop (Birch Lane), by 
Asa Baber: A tenth-anniversary collec- 
tion of honest and argumentative Men 
columns from Playboy's intrepid point 
man for the testosterone platoon. 

Hard Drive (Wiley), by James Wallace 
and Jim Erickson: An intriguing inside 
look at boy billionaire Bill Gates a 
Microsoft computer-software 

How the World Was One (Bantam), by 
Arthur C. Clarke: The global village will 
get even smaller as telecommunications 
move beyond even the wildest science- 
fiction speculations, according to the 
ge of Sri Lanka 
Elvis Is Everywhere (Clarkson Potter), 
ed by Mark Pollard: Photographer 
Rowland Scherman traveled around the 
country on a visual pilgrimage in search 
of the King and discovered his spirit 
lives on. 

Set Free in China: Sojourns on the Edge 
(Chelsea Green Publishing), by Peter 
Heller: An exotic coll d 
stories by professiona 
er Peter Heller, who c 
lobsterman off the coast of Newport, 
stumbles into a jaguar hunter’ la 
mountain biking in Costa Rica and takes 
you on afüng trip the former 
Soviet Union. 

Government смеа for Entrepreneurs 
(Information U.S Inc.), by Matthew 
Lesko: The imis sourcebook for any. 
one interested in starting or expanding 
a business lists addresses and phone 
numbers lor more than 376 grants, 1200 
loan guarantees and 340 sources of ven- 


ture capital. 


Thank Dad for putting you in the Black. 


M 
yon" АВРМ 


CHM os 
oe p» || 
К 


Ultimately theres Black: 


(© 1952 SCHEFFEN & SOMERSET CO, NY, NY JOHNNIE WALKER® BLACK LABELS BLENDED SCOTCH WHISKY, 40% АСЛЫ (20°). 


MEN 


I took this month's title from a line in 
а country-and-western song. М 
ten and sung by Lyle Lovett, one of m 
favorite musicians, Give Back My Hear 
can be found on Lovett's Pontiac album. 

Give Back My Heart tells the story of a 
cowboy who falls in love with a country 
. It also tells the story of my life. So 
this column is dedicated to all you shit- 
icker redneck women out there. If it 
were not for your love of men and sex 
nd food and gossip and humor and na- 
ture, this would be a very cold world, 
indeed. 

ГИ go even further: If it were not for 
shit-kicker redneck women, my little tes- 
ticles would now be dried peas rattling in 
a dry pod. You fair maidens saved my 
precious gonads from 
blowing away during these cold years 
gender wars, and 1 thank you. 

Shit-kicker redneck women are out 
there in droves, God love ‘em, 
are the finest morsels of female deli- 
ciousness ever created. Our rural cous- 
ins come in all shapes and sizes and col- 
ors: sweet country ma ШЕПТІ 
baby-blue jeans, sensual la 
mountains and prairies and deserts and 
riverbeds, every one of them just as 
horny, funny and ready to boogie as any 
man in the universe. 

Lam referring, of course, to the won- 
derful women who were born and raised 
in ot all towns and on farms and 
wide-open spaces, those bountiful and 
rustic damsels, those motorcycle mavens 
and truck-stop honeys and combine 
cuties and courthouse sexpots and dirt- 
farm dollies and small-town wenches, all 
known generically by those of us who 
love them as shit-kicker redneck women. 

You won't see them on the covers of 
fashion magazines. You won't find them 
on Fifth Avenue during the Easter pa- 
rade. They dont anchor the evening 
news or star in our movies. But they make 
the world go round, they surely do. 

Ashit-kicker redneck woman can suck 
the chrome off a hot exhaust pipe and 
live to tell about it. She can make love for 
16 hours straight and then go out for 
beer and pizza as if nothing had eve 
happened. She can take one look at a 
man with he sion and know ex- 
actly what he ha nd if she likes 
he measures up to her high sta 
n flip him like a grain 
and ride him like a bucking bronco until 


By ASA BABER 


SHIT-KICKER 
REDNECK WOMEN 


he passes out from oxygen depletion. 
nd all the while, she dries her hair and 
pays the bills and talks on the telephone. 

Consider some of the shit-kicker red- 
neck woman's other She knows 
how to make grits and gravy. She can 
bake a pie crust. She can knit an afghan 
and can tomatoes and clean the root cel- 
lar and run the chisel plow and put the 

ght plates in the planter. She can calcu- 
late grain yields and judge livestock and 
cut the corn out of the soybeans as if she 
were picking her teeth. 

The talents of a country woman and 
nature's child are immeasurable. She 
can forecast the weather and estimate 
the wind, She has a line on the seasons 
and can call the solstice to the day. She 
delivers calves and foals and babies, and 
if she chooses, she can put a couple brace 
of quail in your freezer after a morning's 
hunt in the fields. She can break a horse 
and she can also break you. She is a work 
of art in a cotton shirt. And when she 
takes off that shirt, watch out. 

But that’s not all. No, sir. Because they 
enjoy men so much, because they honor 
us and are amused by us and want us in 
their lives, shit-kicker redneck women 
know how to deal with men. They un- 
derstand our eternally playful natures. 
They know that we love to kid and tease 
and joke and laugh—that for us life is 


justa tire swing, and laughing is as nec- 
y to us as breathing. Their response 
is to climb on the tire swing with us and 
hand back the sass. 

You will not find sexual harassment 
charges coming from any shit-kicker 
k woman. You might find your 
self with a black eye and swollen testes 
and a few chipped tecth if you go over 
the line and violate her sense of decency 
But you'll be paying your own hospital 
bills, not her lawyer's fees. 

As a matter of fact, shi ker redneck 
women love to challenge men at thei 
own game. For example, it's OK to call 
them girls. A shit-kicker redneck woman 
will simply call you a boy when you call 
hera girl. But you'd better watch out af- 
ter that exchange because she might also 
reach for your toy and ask for some joy. 

The shit-kicker redneck woman does 

not ever grab your weenie as a theoreti 
cal academic exercise. When she dives 
for fly, he careful Because. she 
means business, and the easily offended 
had best leave the room 
Тева state of mind, that's what it is. It’s 
way of being. 
They save us, men, they save us. Here 
in the midst of all our culture's prudery 
and litigiousness, here in this time of 
mean-spirited sexual politics, there are 
millions of strong-thighed, sexy-eyed, 
hot-to-trot country cou: ng 
for us to wake up and take notice. 

While Madonna and Cher and all the 
rest of the Media Minnies work hard to 
stay skinny and sleck, and while TV 
shows and magazines and films present 
us with supposedly sophisticated and 
hard-biten visions of womanhood, all 
those shit-kicker redneck women are 
home in bed, ready to go, just waiting 
for us to get a clue. 

They are only asking us one ba 
question as they lie there, gendemen: 
"What do you want, boys, our sweet 
meat or Cher's plastic hair?” 

Гат in love with a special shit-kicker 
redneck woman named Sherri, and she 
does tend to keep me on my toes. July is 
her birthday month, so wish her a happy 
birthday with me, would you? Then go 
on out there and take another look at 
those special women in our lives. 

They are gold in a time of dross and 
they are a caution, aren't they? 


El 


redne 


ns just w 


27 


28 


STYLE 


VESTED INTEREST 


For dressing up or down, the vest is this summer's most ver- 
satile fashion item. Designers in Europe and America showed 
vests in profusion as part of their spring collections, but their 
inspiration came right from the kids on the streets. The top 
of jeans. Among 
our favorite styles are 
View's red cotton four- 
button models ($45), 
Mossimo's denim or 
bright floral gabar- 
dine/rayon ones (about 
$45 each) and the 
printed silk vests with 
mesh and silk backs 
from Tapp ($165 to 
$265) Many of these 
new vests forgo buttons 
and use zippers i 
stead. Choices here 
range from the knit vest 
with zipper detailing 
from Sans Tambours 
Ni Trompettes shown here ($235) to West 908's zipper-front 
plaid models (about $40). When you're not in the mood for a 
sports jacket yet are still looking for a more classic dressed-up 
look, try Tommy Hilfiger's knit vest ($110) with a tie. 


look is casual: a vest over a T-shirt with a p; 


= 


COWBOY JUNKIES 


Into country, but don't want to look like a slick n brand- 
new jeans, shiny boots and a stiff cowboy hat? Then head 

on over to Whiskey Dust in New Vork, a store that 
specializes in used cowpoke duds. Its stock in- 
cludes four- to six-year-old boot-cut Wranglers 
($65) that are broken in by genuine Montana 
cowboys. Each pair reflects the lifestyle of the 
original owner—complete with natural rips 
and honest holes from barbed wire fences 
and bull chutes. The store's selection of boots 
milarly cowboy-worn. And 
Whiskey Dust's owners have even managed to 
rustle up a selection of vintage straw and felt hats 
(about $90 to $175). For West Coast urban cow- 
boys, there's Mark Fox in Los Angeles, a store 
that sells Forties and Fifties vintage boots ($175 
to $500) as well as vintage Lee and Levi jeans 
(from $32). And in New Mexico, Santa Fe's 
Rainbow Man offers weathered brown felt hats 
and boots from the Twenties and Forties. 


HOT SHOPPING: BARCELONA 


In this Olympic city, most of the fashion action can be found 
onor near Avenida Diagonal: Jean Pierre Bua (Diagonal 469): 
The central spot for 
high-fashion king- 
pins such as Gaultier 
and Dolce & Gab- 
bana. ® Groc (Ram- 
bla de Catalunya 100 
bis): Unde 
menswear by па 
son Antonio M 
whose international 
following | includes 
actor John Malko- 


CLOTHES TALK 


Second-generation major-leaguer 
Danny Tartabull takes his job and 
his clothing seriously. "When! go to 
the ballpark,” says 
the newly pinstriped 
Yankee, “I’m going 
to work, so I dress 
professionally." His 
pregame lineup? 
"Soft stuff," such as 
silk and linen shirts 


611-615): A chic and trousers from 
shopping center with Men Go Silk and 
boutiques ranging Jhane Barnes. Tarta- 


from E4G's for de- 
signer jeans to Ma- 
triculas for avant- 
garde garb. e bd. 
Ediciones de Diseno 
(Carrer de Mallorca 
291): Furniture and 
housewares, includ- 
ing reproductions 
of works by re- 
nowned architects. 
* Network Café 
(Diagonal 616 
World-class cuisine 
ranging from 
tempura to burgers, served amid heavy metal decor. 
* Two terrific hotels in which to relax and recover: 
Gran Hotel Havana and Hotel Colón. 


bull accommodates 
his athletic build by 
buying oversized 
pants and taking 
them in апа:ассеп- 
tuates it by wearing broad-shoul- 
dered Hugo Boss suit jackets with 
tapered waists. He also admits to 
having "a shoe fetish," namely 
Ballys and Versaces. And he regular- 
ly stretches a single purchase into a 
double. "When you buy the shoes, 
you gotta have the belt to match." 


FUTURE SHOPPING 


Catalog converts are going to lo 
Fone, a new high-tech home-shopping sy 
to debut this year. Here's how it works: 
Fone functions as a standard telephone, but a built- 
in credit-card геаде d light pen enable you to 
purchase products directly from a growing list of 
supermarkets and catalog companies (Safeway, 
е & Barrel, etc.). All you do is dial, run the pen 
over the bar codes in the catalog, then slide your cred- 
it card through the reader to pay. Since ScanFone is ti 
directly to your bank account, you can even use it to pay 
the bills. Your cost: $9.95 per month. 


SUMMER HATS 


E T E R 


OUT 


STYLES 


Baseball caps; long-billed fishing caps; 
bush hats; natural-strow cowboy hats 


Rounded bills on caps; elastic or leather 
width adjusters; weathered looks 


Batting helmets; visors; painter's cops; 
caps worn at goofy angles 
Folded bills on caps; plastic snap od- 
justers; caps with crude slogans 


COLORS AND FABRICS 


Natural tones, black, 
catton, denim, twill and straw 


indigo and gray; | Neon colors, pastels, anything tie-dyed; 


nylon and plastic 


Where & How to Buy on poge 167. 


FARAWAY PLACES. | 
SO I GAVE HER A DIAMOND SIMPLY | 
OUT OF THIS WORLD. | 


DS The diamond engagement ring. 
Suberi Brothers Inc. Is two months' salary 
The Royal Cut™Diamonds too much to Spend 
For the store nearest you and our free 465 buyers guide comet) 
to a diamond's quality and value, call: 800-77 7- DUCHESS. Li “EE ELEN SIN, 


Duchess-cut design copyrighled by Suberi Brothers 1992 A diamond is forever. 


Г | 


“Чу Aly ? Tor Вер DY oR 


Vos (UA SHAR Зону 


WOMEN 


Get ready to kill yourselves. 
d we're mad- 


der than ever. 

Remember when, in the early Seven- 
ties, books such as The Female Eunuch 
he Feminine Mystique had come out 
all the women in your life suddenly start- 
ed getting uppity? When we wanted to 
be independent and get equal pay for 
equal work? When we railed against se 
ism and discrimination? When we would 
no longer wash your socks? 

Remember how you had to learn a 
whole new vocabulary, how you sudden- 
ly had to get all sensitive? 

And then (I'm sure you remember 
this) when everything sort of Майеша? 
When women stopped getting mad? 
When we started averting oi 
saying that no, we weren't fe m 
really. When suddenly "family values” 
nd “tradition” were the new bywords, 
when women started worrying about 
marriage chances and biological clocks? 
When motherhood was back in flower: 

You probably thought the feminist 
revolution was over. 

Ha-ha 

I have just finished reading a book ú 
ted Backlash: The Undeclared War Against 
American Women, by Susan Faludi. And so 
have plenty of my sisters. The book has 
received little media attention, but word 
of mouth has been phenomenal. We're 
all reading this book. And boy, do we 
feel better 

I remember when I became а femini 
I was not working; I was nursing an in- 
fant and was rcally depressed because I 
was supposed to be this housewife. 1 
wanted to be an artist 

When someone first asked me if I was 
a women's liber, I said no. But soon the 
truth of feminism hit me and I said yes. 
All my dissatis n with my lot in life 
left me. 1 felt hope and excitement. I 
could be anybody! I could do anything! 

1 joined a consciousness-raising group, 
and women, whom I'd been trained to 
mistrust, turned out to be my sole sup- 
port, We giggled, got terrified, talked 
about masturbation. By sharing our i 
security and our anger, we got stronger 
We discovered that we didn't feel inade- 
quate because we were inadequate, but 
because the social system undermined 


us at every turn. We changed, society 
changed. It was wonderful 
And then somehow it wasn't First 


е Wa 


the statistic that was suddenly 


By CYNTHIA HEIMEL 


THE JIG 
IS UP 


on everyone's lips: Women over 40 had 
more chance of being killed by terrorists 
than of getting married. Here we were. 
happily getting on with our lives, when 
seeds of doubt crept into our brains. We 
didn't even know if we wanted to get 
married, but now we couldn't—now 
we'd be all alone. With a headline that 
screamed OLD MAIDS:, People ran a story 
that featured women like Donna Mi 

We kept reading and hearing 
the ultimate fulfillment of motherhood 
and the perils of the biological clock. 
And about how career were 
foaming at the mouth and collapsing 
with nervous breakdowns. They were so 
desperately lonely and unfulfilled. 

Then the bookstores became awash 
with books such as Jf Im So Smart Why Am 
1 So Stupid About Men? and How to Meet 
the Man of Your Dreams and Marry Him by 
Next Week, These books poisoned the 
brains of millions. They said that if we 
didn't like our lives, we were just fucked 
up and had better change, pronto. Once 
g all our fault, Fashion mag- 
azines tried to make us wear sausage 
casings, MTV showed women in garter 
belts, women in beer commercials served 
men while wearing bikinis, everybody 
started having breast augmentation and 
Т got depressed. 

Because it seemed that everything w 


women 


lost The camaraderie, the hope, the 
feeling of possibility. Women started 
cating one another warily. Women 
started feeling beaten. 

I started writing about it. I fantasized 
that a bunch of mean old farts had set up 
a secret war room and were systematical- 
ly trying to destroy women. I saw movie 
after movie from the Thirties where a 
career woman came to her senses and 
decided to stop her foolish indepen- 
dence and become submissive to her 
man. Г realized 1 was watching actual 
propaganda, and I took a more serious 
look at my own world. 

When 1 read about all the day-care 
scandals and all those children allegedly 
being abused—it therefore followed that 
women should just give up work and 
stay home—I became convinced that 
women were in the midst of a full-scale 
propaganda war 
It was at this point that I read Backlash 
nd realized that just because I was para- 
noid, it didn't mean people weren't out 
to get me. It’s all true? Susan Faludi es 
plains it all. The study that showed that 
women over 40 had virtually no chance 
of getting married was discredited, Ca- 
reer women are not having nervous 
breakdowns, they are happier than 
women staying home. Children stand a 
much greater chance of being abused by 
family and relatives than at day-care cen- 
ters. Single women lead contented, full 
lives: single men fall apart. Those people 
who write the poisonous self-help books 
are more fucked-up than anybody 

Backlash is a huge book, full of statistics 
and interviews and thorough documen- 
tation. I felt the pressure fall away. 1 felt 
n. 

And who does Faludi blame? Not 
men. You know who started all this pro- 
paganda? The New Right, Reagan, etc. 
Who suffers if women become function- 
ing members of society with rights and. 
with decision-making powers 
quo of conservative Americ: 
pcople who are fucking over the work- 
ing guy and the middle class have the 
most to lose. Without women in their 
place, the status quo collapse 

We're all in this together. Feminists are 
not the enemy. Greedy politicians and 
businessmen, not women, have brought 
the world to the brink of destruction. 
Which side are you on? 


El 


I could see the sky age 


31 


п play golf, football, drive a racing car and more. There's over 150 interchangeable games, and it comes with the puzzle дате 


Tetris.* Finally, a Father's Day present you can get really excited about. ) Really. 


THE PLAYBOY ADVISOR 


WI, wife takes а long time to come—a 
real long time. I don't mind; on the con- 
trary, I have good ejaculatory control 
and like extended lovemaking. But 
she'd like to come faster so that we could 
enjoy the occasional quickie. Can my 
wife learn to climax sooner—]. ].. 
Homer, Alaska. 

Quite possibly, with the help of a vibrator, 
according to Dr. Domeena C. Renshaw, di 
lor of the Sexual Dyifunction Clinic at Loy- 
ola University in Chicago. The clitoris and 
the area around it are highly sensitive to 
vibration, she explained recently in Medical 
Aspects of Human Sexuality: “When ade- 
stimulated, the [ pre-orgasmic] plateau 
of a woman's arousal can be shortened 
significantly. The intensity of vibrator stimu- 
lation is usually more powerful than that 
achieved with manual, oral or coital stimula- 
tion and may allow an orgasmic breakthrough 
for some women.” Good luck. Just tell your 
wife not to press the vibrator directly on her 
clitoris [or too long. Renshaw warns that the 
organ might become numb, which would de- 
feat the whole purpose. 


AX fier months of talk, my girlfriend has 
finally agreed to a threesome. Any guide- 
lines?—D. G., New York, New York. 

Sex therapist Marty Klem provides а сот- 
monsense approach in his new book “Ask Me 
Anything," Here goes: "Communication is the 
hey to protecting your relationship. It is vital 
that there be no coercion involved. Threesomes 
are potentially explosive emotionally, so do it 
only for yourself, not to please your mate. Dis- 
cuss checking in with him or her during the 
action; know what your respective limits and 
boundaries are; and think about ийа! might 
make each of you uncomfortable. . . . Share 
your fantasies of what you'd like and how it 
would feel. Discuss the logis Do you want 
to invite a friend to join you? Go lo a night 
club and pick up a stranger? Hire a prostitute 
experienced at this? First-time don't include: 
Don’ drink so much that you can't commun 
cale clearly, Don't invite a third party about 
whom one of you feels jealous. Don't invite 
a third party whom you dont trust to han- 
dle him/herself. Dont ry anything just lo 
prove you're cool. Don't persuade anyone io do 
anything. Don't continue if you don’t like the 
way things are going. Don't start unless every- 
one understands one another's expectations. 
Keep in mind thal your experiences may be 
quite different from what you see in porn 
movies. And don't forget lo smile and even 
langh—if you feel ike й--шій you're exper- 
imenting.” Whal is there to add? Practice safe 
sex, repeatedly. 


You offered good advice on buying a 
mountain bike in a recent Advisor, but I 
want to build my own. The way I figure, 
1 can do as good a job as is done in a 


factory and save money. Any sug; 
tions?- Denver, Colorado. 
We've "had the same fantasy. Last year, we 
were reading the catalog for Bridgestone bicy- 
cles and came across the fact that a bicycle is 
made of only 35 parts. Think about that: 
Етп if you belong to Brute Strength Вай 
Judgment-Blunt Instruments, Inc., you 
ought to be able to put together 35 parts with- 
oul too much damage. The problem is choos- 
ing the 35 parts. Most bike companies don't. 
build bikes, they spec them, choosing the best 
components within a certain price range. The 
local bike shop puts the pieces together (if 
you think you are better than your local shop 
mechanic, go into business for yourself). Read 
a few bike catalogs (we recommend the 
quirky Bridgestone book for its articulation 
of design philosophy—you can order one for 
five dollars fiom Bridgestone Cycle, 15021 
Wicks Boulevard, San Leandro, California 
94577). You may discover that the bike you 
want io build is already available. (We ended 
up buying an MB-2.) The real reason to build 
Jour сит is to pursue the eccentric: You can 
order a custom frame (titanium from Merlin, 
carbon fiber from Kestral, chrome alloy from 
Bontrager) and then work out your vision— 
some people favor the lightest components, 
some the strongest, some the rarest, some the 
most expensive. Want a titanium bottle hold- 
er? That will cost $73. Our advice: Take a 
bike maintenance course first. Good shops of- 
Jer hands-on courses that will familiarize you 
with the details of construction and tuning, 
which will save you some bruised knuckles. 


ve shelled out major bucks for an en 
gagement ring for my girlfriend. How 
did this custom originate?—N. M., West- 
port, Connecticut 

Centuries ago, female virginity was not 


ILLUSTRATION BY PATER SATO 


simply a stale of sexual naïveté, as it is today, 
it was also an important financial asset lo the 
woman and her family. Compared lo a virgin, 
а never-married woman who had lost her vir- 
‚ginity was less marketable as a spouse, forcing 
her family to support her longer, possibly for 
life. Meanwhile, contrary to the myth that our 
Colonial forebears were all sexual puritans, 
when couples became engaged, many had sex. 
Premarital sex was not exactly encouraged, 
but it was generally accepted—as long as it 
was truly premarital. In "Intimate Matters: A 
History of Sexuality in America,” John 
D'Emilio and Estelle В. Freedman point out 
that in the 13 colonies, many brides шеті to 
the altar pregnant. But if the man broke off 
the engagement after deflowering his virgin 
fancée, her family could sue him for “breach 
of promise” lo marry and recover sizable dam- 
ages, according to “Sex and Reason,” by fed- 
eral judge Richard A. Posner: As lime passed, 
the threat of such lawsuits was replaced by a 
good-faith gift, a diamond ring. If the man 
broke off the engagement, the woman and her 
Jamily kept the ring as compensation for her 
lost virginity. W the woman broke the engage- 
ment, she was expected to return й. 


coffee 


FRecently, as 1 approached the 
machine at work, I overheard 
women discussing the merits of 
пег.” T got the distinct impression 
to do with sex. So I'm asking you. 
i B. C., Portland, Oregon. 

A spinner is а time-honored Asian 
technique given a new twist, as it were, by 
Will Chamberlain in his recent aulobiogra- 
phy, A View from Above.” In it, the seven- 
рді basketball great touts the joys of sex with 
women who stand less than five feet tall. Ac- 
cording to the book, Will and a petite lover 
would have intercourse with the woman sit- 
ting on his lap. Then he would “spin [them] 
around like tops." The original Asian version 
of this technique employs an open-bottom 
slinglike swing suspended by a single rope on 
а pulley above the bed. The woman sits in it 
and is lowered down onto her lover's penis. 
Then he spins her: Try it Wills way, and if 
you'd like lo experiment with the Asian ap- 
proach, some sex shops and sex-toy catalogs 
sell erotic swings for about $60. 


sexual 


ing college, I played football. The 
pounding | took has given me arthritis 
in my shoulders, knees and fingers. / 
friend has the same problem and told 
me that sex helps. 
ing. But my 
than distract from the pain, EERE 
ly therapeutic. True?—L. E, Det 


Your friend is correct. According to Ihe 
Arthritis Foundation, lovemaking releases en- 
dorphins, the body's oum pain relievers, and 


PLAYBOY 


34 


cortisone, which has anti-inflammatory effects. 
And sex involves gentle stretching of the major 
joints, which helps control pain and stiffness 
x doesn't replace recommended range-of- 
motion exercises,” says the Arthritis Founda- 
Lion's Dr. Arthur Grayzel, “hut it provides ad- 
ditional benefits. And sex is good for 
self-esteem, which helps nol only arthritis suf- 
ferens but people with any chronic medical 
condition." 


Please seule a ber. My buddy, a health- 
food enthusiast, insists that carboh 
drates help you lose weight. I'm an ami 
teur. bodybuilder and know for a fact 


Set my buddy straight.—K. C., Pontiac, 
Michig 

Actually, you ve talking the same sport but 
playing in different leagues. Not all carbohy- 
drates ате the same. Fibrous carbs like broc- 
coli, cucumbers, spinach, carrots and mush- 
rooms have little calorie density and serve 
mainly as dietary roughage. The fibrous carbs 
push fond efficiently through the small intes- 
tine while your body absorbs the nutrients. 
These are the carbs that help you lose weight. 
Starchy carbohydrates like peas, beans, pasta, 
potatoes, popcorn, tomatoes and rice add bulk 
and provide the energy necessary for strength 
and endurance, 


ІМ, wife likes to make love in just 
about total darkness. I like more light— 
not bright overhead light but the read- 
mp or a candle. Why would anyone 
Please shed some light on 
vorkable compre Ocean- 
side, New York. 

Gel a strobe light. You blink when its off 
and have her blink when Ws on. That way you 
both get what you want. Seriously, though, 
your predicament is quile common. The myth 
is thal men ave more turned on by visual stim- 
uli and prefer lights-on sex, while women rely 
more on the imagination and prefer the lighis 
off. But we don't buy that. With many couples 
w know, the man prefers it darker. Another 
myth is that women feel more self-conscious 
about their bodies and don't like what they 
perceive as their imperfections to he bathed in 
light. Many women whose bodies don't qualify 
as “beautiful” feel fine about lighis-n love- 
making, and some bodyluilder guys like to get 
it on in Ihe dark. We like candles, too, but they 
сап get boring. Our most illuminating sug- 
gestion is thal you stop looking at sexual light- 
ing as an either-or proposition, Instead, play 
nth the lighting as you play with each other. 
Open the curtains and let some moonlight in. 
Invest т а penlight and explore each other's 
bodies in an otherwise dark room. Give your 
wife a blindfold and turn all the lights on. 
Camp out and see what sex is like under 
starlight. Or during lovemaking, light a 
match, and after a few seconds, have your 
wife blow it ош. In addition to playing with 
light, we think youll generate some heat. 


М, girliriend complains when I don't 
go to bed with her. Actually, she com- 


se.—E. L 


plains when I don't go to bed at the same 

me as she does. It's not that I don't en- 
joy sleeping with her, it’s just that Fm of- 
ten not ready 10 go to sleep when she is 
An important part of my sleep prepa 
tion is either watching bad late-night war 
movies while trying to balance my check 
book or reading marginal pop fiction. 
She thinks both activities are. "boring 
and stupid" —especially, as she is eager 
to point out, when there is a fabulous, 
willing babe warming up the sack. What 
should 1 do? R. New Orleans, 
Louisiana. 

The American Association. for Marriage 
and Family Therapy concluded fiom a survey 
based on 150 couples that a disparity of sleep 
patterns was a principal cause of marital 
strife, Sleep patterns are based on individual 
circadian rhythms (the internal physiological 
clocks we were born with) that determine the 
daily high and low points of body temperature 
and corresponding physical and mental activ- 
йу. When your temperature is down and 
you're nol asleep, you wish you were. When 
Your temperature is high, you may feel like do- 
ing something creative or fun. Some people's 
circadian rhythms hit their highs in the 
evening, some in the morning. The report nol- 
ed that “couples whose wake and sleep pat- 
terns were mismatched reported significantly 
less marital adjustment, more marital conflict 
(2.13 arguments а week versus 1.6 argu- 
ments for matched couples), less time spent in 
serious conversation (45.6 minutes per week 
compared with 58.3 minutes). less time in 
shared activities (178.8 minutes per week ver- 
sus 381.4 minutes) and less frequent sexual 
intercourse (2.4 encounters per week rather 
than 2.8 encounters for matched couples 
The best advice is merely to be aware of your 
differences and try some accommodation. It 
wouldn't kill you, for example, to go to bed 
with your girlfriend when she wants to and 
then get up later to catch the last half of the 
lale show, 


No: tong ago, 1 bought a fir 
red two-seater. | want to keep the fin 
looking new, but I don't know whi 
roducts to choose. Гуе seen formulas 
for cleaning, waxing and polishing. What 
are the dille among them?—C. J., 
ago, Illinois. 

Think of waxes as products that add shine 
by leaving а layer of glossy material over the 
finish, Cleaners remove surface damage either 
chemically or through coarse abrasives, while 
polishes contain fine abrasives that smooth 
and brighten the surface. The one-step prod- 
ucts that combine cleaners or polishers with 
waxes are good if you don't have to drive 
through an inordinate amount of pollution 
regularly. Look for products with active ingre- 
dients such as silicone oils for easier applica- 
lion. Silicone resins are also good for a 
durable finish, aud there are many waxes that 
contain important ultraviolet blockers that act 
аха sunscreen for your car. Follow product di- 
rections and work on small sections for uni- 
form results. 


ne 


V hear there's a condom for women 
What is it and how does it work? —T T., 
Columbus, Ohio. 

Last January, the FDA gave a Wisconsin 
company rights to develop and market the first 
condow for women. The polyurethane device 
is a tube-shaped sheath about six and one half 
inches long with a circular ring at each end. 
The internal ring at the closed end is one and 
one half inches in diameter and fils inside 
the vagina like a diaphragm. The external 
ring al the open end has a slightly larger di 
ameter—twa inches—and rests on the vaginal 
lips. Like male condoms, the female version is 
fined with a silicone. lubricant and miend- 
ed for one-time use only. Bul the women’s 
condom іу more expeusoe—82. 10 $2.25 
apiece. Though the female condom can be 
used as a contraceptive, il was developed pri- 
marily to help protect women against sexually 
transmitted diseases, especially AIDS. Hence. 
its decidedly unsexy brand name, Reality. The 
manufacturer claims that 65 percent of wom- 
en users and 80 percent of their male lovers 
approve of the device, But an independent test 
at a California family-planning clinic showed 
that only 10 percent of men and 50 percent of 
women said they liked it "very much,” while 
45 percent of men and 25 percent of women 
complained that it was bulky and difficult to 
insert. As a contraceptive, the female condom 
appears to be considerably less effective than 
the male condom. In tests. presented to the 
FDA, Reality had a six-month failure vate of 
12.2 percent, meaning that if 100 women 
used il regularly for half а year, 12 would get 
pregnant. That six-month failure rate would 
translate into an annual failure rate of about 
24 percent, Male condoms have an annual 
failure rate of 7.2 to 14.8 percent. In addi- 
tion, unless users aie careful, the outer ving 
can get pushed into the vagina during mter- 
course and expose Ihe woman lo a sexually 
transmitted infection. On а more positive note, 
tests have shown that when Reality was used 
properly, it effectively prevented infection by 
the sexually transmilted protozoan that causes 
trichomontasts. Use of the female condom 
means that men who dislike penile condoms no 
longer have to wear them. But don't expect 
Reality to be any sexual dieam come true 


All reasonable questions—from_ fashion. 
food and drink, stereo and sports cars to dating 
problems, taste and etiquette—will be person: 
ally answered if the writer includes а stamped. 
self-addressed envelope. Send all letters to 
The Playboy Advisor, Playboy, 680 North 
Lake Shove Drive, Chicago, Minois 60611. 
The most provocative, pertinent queries 
will be presented on these pages each month. 


Dial The Playboy Hotline today; get closer 
to the Playmates as they reveal secrets about 
dating and women! Call 1-900-740-3311; 
only three dollars per minute 


E 


Rule #17 
Never 
leave your 
car 
without 
your 
car stereo 
in 
. your pocket. 


Just slip the front panel of your Pioneer* Detachable Face Car Stereo into your poc- 
ket, and what's left behind is useless to thieves. Another Pioneer first, Detachable 
Face Security" is available on more than 20 CD and cassette models, for the ultimate 
in security and convenience. To learn more, please call 1-800-421-1605, ext. 247. 


1992 Plenwer Electronica (USA) inc., Lons Beach, CA, 


BEEFEATER. 


d Die GN 2 


PERHAPS THE 
MOST REFRESHING 
THING ABOUT SUMMER 
1S THE RENEWED 
REALIZATION THAT 
SOMETIMES THE BEST 
THING YOU CAN 
DO IS NOTHING 


AT ALL. 


E». 
pad Pe 
SUMMER СІМ: 


= 


hn 


dE 


TH E P L A Y B O Y 


FORUM 


THE UNOFFICIAL COLLEGIATE 


have you ever been o judge in o who's-better-equipped contest? 


Last summer, Washington, D.C.'s, 
puritanical Right covered their eyes 
and ears and took aim at a study of 
teenage sex proposed by the Univer- 
sity of North Carolina and approved 
by the Public Health Service. The 
most prudish opposing voices, Rep- 
resentative William Dannemeyer 
(R-Cal) and Gary Bauer (president 
of the Family Research Council), 
insisted that the survey's explicit 
queries would fray the moral fiber of 
our next generation 

Obviously, these defenders of inno- 
cence have too long been gone from 
college. On a recent tour, we discov- 
cred chipheads across the country 
unabashedly downloading a sex sur- 
усу of their own from computer bul- 
1сип boards, a sort of Who's Doing Who 
and How in America. 175 called the 
Purity Test—500 questions that leave 
few stones of deviance or sexuality 
unturned. For those who 
don't hack, well begin 
with a sampling. 

Have you ever: 

(62) Made an X- or R- 
rated snowman or snow- 
woman? 

(201) Given a back 
massagc with ulterior 
motives? 

(324) Played naked 
T че (with or without 


en Worn diapers for 
a sexual or masturbatory 
purpose? 

(396) Necked or petted 
in a contraption of the 
dead (coffin, hearse, body 
bag, etc.)? 

(401) Necked or petted in a vehicle 
of more than 30,000 pounds nct un- 
laden gross weight (truck, tank, ar- 
mored car, stcamroller, crane, bull- 
dozer, garbage truck, etc.)? 

(430) Been involved in the use of 
a penis as a leash or bludgeoning 
device? 

(438) Intentionally made more 
noise than necessary while engaging 
ın sex, oral sex or mutual masturba- 
tion so as to put on a good show? 

(439) Intentionally made animal 
noises during sex? 

(447) Been involved in breast fuck- 


fy SHANE ПОМ _ 


ing (a.k.a. the Hawaiian muscle fuck)? 

(465) Awakened to someone having 
sex with you? 

(474) Had sex or oral sex while one 
or both of you were playing a musical 
instrument? 

Imagine answering 488 more ques- 
tions. Subtract your number of yes 
answers from 500. Divide by five. 
Lower tallies are less pure. 

° 

Created at MIT's Baker House 
in 1982, the Purity Test is in its fourth 
incarnation, It has cropped up over 
the years on college computer net- 
works from Yale to Dartmouth to the 
University of Alaska, University of 
Illinois and Rice University. 

"The authors' instructions note that 
students could se- 
quester them- 


selves in their rooms and take this 
test, “however, we feel the funnest 
way to utilize this test is to hold a Pu- 
rity Test party.” 

In other words, round up some 
feisty coeds. Distribute paper and 
pens. Take the test en masse and keep 
tabs on who's easy. There are less can- 
did ways to meet and mingle. At the 
University of Illinois, students report 
typical scores between 60 and 70, 
though one woman is known to casu- 
al acquaintances as “that girl who got 
a twenty.” 

But lest we accuse today's youth of 


CAMPUS WATCH 


heretofore unknown perversity, let's 
remember that it was the medieval 
Church that compiled one of the car- 
liest detailed lists of sinful acts. "Thou 
shalt not boinky-boink from the rear, 
close to the moat, whilst your lord is 
out jousting” springs to mind. Of 
course, the irreverent and heretical 
olden-day folk immediately began 
consulting this treatise of the forbid- 
den for sexual inspiration. Embar- 
rassed, the medieval Church elders 
scrapped the titllating specifics and 
lumped all unorthodox sensuality 
and sexuality under the catchall “un- 
speakable acts.” 

As did the medieval heretics with 
their syllabus of sin, so do the college 
students with their party game. For 
proof, we offer these questions. 

Have you ever: 

(496) Used the Purity Test as a 
checklist of things you could do? 

(497) Done something 
for the sole purpose of 
lowering your Purity Test 
score? 

(499) Participated in 
Purity Testing with an ul- 
terior motive? 

(500) Become interest- 
ed in someone only after 

ring about their Purity 
‘Test score? 

If you can ask it, you 
can try it: Purity Testing 
becomes purity washing. 
You fill in the blank. We 
asked undergraduates if 
they found the test shock- 
ing. The answer was: It’s 
no big deal. It's alterna- 
бус Friday-night enter- 

tainment for this generation—what 
phone-booth stuffing, goldfish slurp- 
ing or streaking across fraternity 
house lawns with rival-school mascot 
in hand were to earlier eras. 

The test's popularity and the famil- 
iarity with human sexuality required 
to take it belie the assumption that 
teenage sex is an aberration. So why 
the conservative indignation over sex 
research? Why discourage what could 
yield valuable clues to curbing un- 
wanted pregnancies and stemming 
epidemic social diseases? The only 
people blushing are over the hill. 


38 


JUSTICE 

The pornography victims’ 
compensation act currently 
working its way through the 
Senate could be subtitled Deep 
Throat Meets Deep Pockets. 11 has 
been around in one form or 
another since Catharine Mac- 
Kinnon and Andrea Dworkin 
proposed city ordinances in 
Minneapolis and Indianapolis 
that would have allowed wom- 
en to sue producers and dis- 
tributors of erotic material for 
damages. If the rapist who at- 
tacked a woman claimed that 
pornography made him do it, 
the woman could collect dam- 
ages from the film maker or 
author or magazine publish- 
er—even if no criminal charges 
were filed. Furthermore, this 
kind of civil suit can award 
enormous damages while de- 
manding a lower standard of 
proof than a criminal trial. The 
mayor of Minneapolis vetoed 
rhar city's hill; rhe Seventh Cir- 
cuit Court ruled Indianapolis" 
law unconstitutional. The vic- 
tims’ compensation act would 
punish people—publishers and 
film makers—for the crime of 
sexual expression. The law, 
though technically relevant on- 
ly to obscenity and child por- 
nography, could inhibit all cre- 
ativity. Which would be named 
in a lawsuit: a low-rent X-rated 
video that showed, say, anal 
sex. or a blockbuster like Last 
Tango in Paris? Since most sex 


FOR THE RECORD 


BREAKING ТОМ 


“ We can no more assume that every believer in 
abstinence invariably abstains from sex any 
more than we can assume that every condom us- 
er will have perfect condoms and be a perfect 
user, When one makes an unbiased comparison 
of promoting abstinence versus promoting con- 
dom use, the results are obvious. Vows of absti- 
nence break far more easily than do condoms,” 

—IRA L REISS, CO-AUTHOR OF An End to Shame: 


Shaping Our Next Sexual Revolution 


invasion of privacy and a loss of 
freedom. 

Stephen C. Pelt 

Laguna Niguel, California 


CONDOM CONUNDRUM 

After reading the reasons 
given by the big three networks 
as to why condom ads are not 
shown ("Promo Interruptus," 
The Playboy Forum, March), I am 
still bated. I have seen excel- 
lent ads on Canadian television 
that were short, concise, right 
to the point. If American net- 
work policies are keeping con- 
dom ads off the air, then it is 
time to change those policies. 
And then, when the ads finally 
do get slotted, let's just hope 
they are shown during prime 
time, not following some sleep- 

inducing creature feature. 

K. G. Heaton 
Honolulu, Hawaii 


CANADIAN LIMITS. 
Americans who criticize cen- 
sorship laws as unfair and un- 
just should come to Canada 
and see censorship in action 


With pornography entering 
Canada vía the mail and border 
points, it is nothing short of 


survival of the fittest, Customs 
officials have the right to open 
any mail they believe might 
contain magazines, movies, 
brochures, playing cards and 
comics detrimental to Canada's 
sexual mores. While political 
bluenoses regulate customs 


acts look the same, how would 
MacKinnon track blame to a specific 
film? [Remember that Ted Bundy— 
who said porn made him do it—was 
fond of cheerleader magazines—Ed.] 
Why stop at pornography? If a man 
reads the Bible and beats his children 
with a rod until they are hospitalized, 
would MacKinnon have the victims sue 
the American Bible Society? Why are 
the victims of sexual assault more de- 
serving of protection than the victims 
of burglary (sue Jules Dassin for Top- 
kapi) or murder (sue Thomas Harris 
for The Silence of the Lambs) or assassina- 
tion (sue Oliver Stone for JFK)? The 
Senate needs to wake up and reread 
the First Amendment. 

Joseph Hudson 

Chesapeake, New York 


SEARCHES 

In the March “Reader Response,” 
Dale Carter responded to James R. Pe- 
tersen's article "The New Supreme 
Court's War on Freedom" (The Playboy 
Forum, November): "A couple of mildly 
annoying searches over a lifetime are 
nothing to me, since it’s proven they 
help catch thugs." Carter should expe- 
rience a real search sometime. I have 
been tailed and stopped three times in 
the past two months for no good rea- 
son. I filed formal complaints with the 
local sheriff's internal-affairs depart- 
ment and with the local community li- 
aison officer for the city. These unwar- 
ranted incidents were more than 
mildly annoying and certainly mean 
something to me: They represented an 


laws, certain taboo subjects are 
routinely shown on Canadian televi- 
sion. It is seemingly OK for a few mil- 
lion Canadians of all ages to view pro- 
grams on pain and bondage over pub- 
lic airwaves, but one Canadian 
importing a magazine or video for pri- 
vate enjoyment is denied access to such 
materials. Several years ago. Pierre 
Trudeau, regarded by many as one of 
Canada’s most astute and knowledge- 
able prime ministers, noted when re- 
ferring to censorship and government 
intervention, “The government has 
no business in the bedrooms of the 
nation.” Sadly, subsequent govern- 
ments spurned the notion of freedom 
to read and have empowered customs 
to become arbitrators of morality for 
27,000,000 Canadians. Canada now is 


one of the most heavily censored na- 
tions on Earth; some things will never 
change. 
J. Paul Sutter 
London, Ontario 
You may have to refine your sense of irony. 
The Supreme Court of Canada has adopted 
а definition of obscenity that will forbid any 
erotic material that features an “undue ex- 
ploitation of sex, or of sex and . . . crime, 
horror, cruelty [and/or] violence." The deter- 
mining case involved magazines and videos 
described by a lower court judge as "simply 
a series of unconnected sexual adventures 
which, for the most part, were ипепсит- 
bered by any dialog other than moans, sighs 
and groans.” That would describe most of 
MTV and Musique Plus, Canada's French- 
language version of music videos. The Su- 
preme Court held that materials that exploit- 
ed sex in а “degrading or dehumanizing” 
manner or that combined sex with violence 
were пой protected by the charter. What's 
more, “the courts must determine as best they 
can what the community would tolerate oth- 
ers being exposed to. ( To do this they must 
evaluate] the degree of harm that may flow 
from such exposure. Harm in this context 
means that it predisposes persons to act in an 
antisocial manner.” Ignoring all scientific 
data to the contrary, the court held that ob- 
scene materials harm women “by making 
public and open elements of human nature 


that are usually hidden behind a veil of 
modesty and privacy." The veil of modesty 
and privacy is another word for repression. 
Welcome to the Dark Ages. 


HARASSMENT 
On the issue of sexual harassment, 
the feminist complaint that men “just 
don’t get it” is right on the mark. In 
fact, most men don't seem to have a 
clue. The reason sexual harassment 
can exist, in the workplace or any- 
where, is simply that most men are 
stronger than most women. If women 
were 250 pounds of muscle and men 
were the size of Woody Allen, the issue 
of harassment would not exist. 
Ed Hall 
Sacramento, California 
Nor would the issue of sexual attraction. 
Physical prowess has litile to do with it. 
When genuine harassment occurs, it is an 
issue of hierarchical power—sexual extor- 
tion based on fear of economic reprisal, not 


of physical injury, 
In all the debate lately about sexual 


harassment, one of die complaints 
most frequently voiced by men is that 
women define what constitutes sexual 
harassment. While the discussion ap- 
pears to be about sex, the real issue is 
power. Since most men have a vested 


We the fundamentalist Right is off and ranting, artistic instinct is alive and well. This series of images, produced 
by People for the American Way and the Playboy Foundation, paves the road to free speech with a creative eyo. 


interest in maintaining their traditional 
forms of power, we can hardly expect 
women to trust them to determine 
what sexual harassment may be. A 
man’s point of view is not irrelevant 
but it is no longer definitive. It is hoped 
that a balance of truth will emerge 
from these arguments. At the very least, 
we should be better informed about 
one another's feelings and sensibilities. 
The fact is that no one's rights are se- 
cure while another's are in jeopardy. 

B. Jefferson Le Blanc 
Aptos, California 


SEX RESPECT 
In reference to “Abstinence Ed" (The 
Playboy Forum, April): Some parents are 
upset that abstinence is not taught in 
sex-education classes. In some classes, 
cucumbers and condoms are given out 
to the girls and they get to practice 
putting the condoms on the cucum- 
bers. This seems like the best method 
of teaching abstinence. The average 
cucumber would put the most manly of 
men to shame. What could be going 
through Ше minds of 19- vi 14-усат- 
old girls when faced with the task of 
cloaking these friendly giants? A whole 
generation will be green with envy. 
Adon Staebler 
Grass Lake, Michigan 


40 


Operation Rescue is not listed in the 
phone book. Not in Wichita, where it 
blocked abortion dinics last summer, 
and not in Chicago, where it is active. 
Court injunctions and fines have made 
it prudent for the group to lay low. 
Now former members of Operation 
Rescue simply call themselves rescuers 
and their efforts a movement, 

With the old adage "Know thy ene- 
my” in mind, I decided to find out what 
the movement was doing these days, 
with Roe vs. Wade's future so tentative. 
It was obvious that I would need to do 
some undercover work. 

I called Chicago's Pro-Life Action 
League. A cautious wom- 
an quizzed me on my de- 
sire to join the pro-life 
movement. Т told the 
woman that I was trou- 
bled by abortion. I could 
join a march, she offered, 
Saturday morning out 
side an abortion clinic 
on Chicago's Northwest 
Side. There would be 
picket signs to carry. 

I knew it would be un- 
pleasant. The religious 
Right uses picket signs 
with photos of fetuses 
(the present), while the 
pro-choice movement re- 
lies more on the viewers 
imaginations—its signs, 
at their most graphic, de- 
pict a coat hanger (the 
past) Each side fights hard to prove 
the other's image as the more horrible. 

. 


Two marchers, a couple well- 
wrapped for the cold January morn- 
ing, paraded in front of the dinic. 1 
told the man that I'd like to join them. 
He asked if I was a Christian. I told 
him no. From a pile of laminated 
poster-sized images of mutilated fetus- 
es, he handed me a sign that showed a 
bloody severed head, supposedly from 
a close-to-full-term aborted fetus. 
Brain tissue hung through the cavity of 
its missing jaw. Disgusting, 1 said. “I 
know," he told me. “It was found in a 
Dumpster behind an abortion mill in 
Texas. The doctor just threw that baby 
into a trash bag." 

The mutilated head worked on me. I 


BEHIND ENEMY LINES 


a report from operation rescue 


By TED C. FISHMAN 


had heard that some of the pro-life 
movement's gory images were, in fact, 
of fetuses spontaneously aborted by ac- 
cident victims. But its origin seemed to 
matter less and less as I held the sign. 
How easy it was, once on the picket 
line, to forget the patients, to let the 
pictures shift the debate from three di- 
mensions to two. I felt queasy over the 
business of this clinic. Where did it dis- 
card its fetal remains? 1 witnessed the 
looks of disgust from the occupants of 
the cars arriving at the clinic. 
By mid-morning, a few 


dozen 


“Are you folks, by any chance, interested in helping some hungry, 
homeless and abused children?” 


marchers were circling in front of the 
clinic's gate. They came from a Baptist 
church nearby. Pro-life activism is part 
of its ministry. Just inside the gate 
stood a line of pro-choice activists. 
They were a mix of white men and 
women in their 20s and 30s, some 
clothed by J. Crew and others in radi- 
cally chic Afro-punk, their garments 
punctuated with protest buttons. A 
prim gray-haired woman was moving 
among them, replenishing their stacks 
of pro-choice fliers. Thankfully, their 
signs had no photos of bloodstained 
coat hangers or of women wounded 
and abandoned after receiving illegal 
abortions. Instead, the simple, crisp 
blue words KEEP CHOICE LEGAL stood out 
on a white background. 

A policewoman in a squad car made 


sure everyone observed the rules 
"Those outside the gate must keep mov- 
ing, those inside must not linger be- 
yond it. This may be a battle for souls, 
but it is fought in driveways. 

Four women acting as anti-abortion 
counselors offered incoming patients 
literature with more unpleasant pho- 
tos. Kathy (not her real name), who 
had come with her nine-year-old 
daughter, handed a young couple a 
brochure showing a blood-soaked ор- 
eration that was described to me as a 
"cesarean-section abortion." 

"This is what they'll do to your ba- 
she said. “You're in an unsafe 
ic. There's a better way 
But in this case the better 
way was unclear: Abor- 
tions such as the one 
shown in the brochure 
are performed rarely 
and only on women at 
risk of death. 

1 was introduced to 
more marchers, who in- 
structed me on Scripture 
and the Second Coming 
John (not his real name), 
an off-duty Chicago po- 
liceman, was born again 
15 years ago. If things 
got unruly, he said, he 
would have to walk away 
or risk losing his job. For 
him, the metaphysical 
stakes were at a level 1 
had never considered. 
" he told me, "is Satan's 
attempt to slay the reborn 
baby Jesus in the womb.” 

These are the shock troops of the 
abortion war. They see themselves pav- 
ing the way for the apocalypse. 

With an hour to go in the protest, 
pro-choicers mixed into the picket line 
to mock the Baptists. Behind me, one 
feigned exultation, “Praise cheeses, 
pass the crackers.” Another chanted, 
“Jesus hates women.” The march end- 
ed and the anti-abortionists prayed. 

Later in the week, during the worst 
snow of the year, I got a call to meet the 
next day at the Baptist church at 5:15 
Ам. sharp. A deacon, a parishioner and 
Pastor Dave Lilligren were heading for 
a rescue in Aurora, Illinois. 

Our first stop was an evangelical 


n- 


- 


church. Middle-aged women and men, 
and students from the Moody Bible In- 
stitute in Chicago looking young and 
underdressed, packed the chapel. The 
crowd was listening to Ralph Ovadal, а 
burly representative of Wisconsin's 
Missionaries to the Pre-Born, a group 
he described as the only one whose 
flock were those in the womb. The clin- 
ic about to be rescued was run by Dr. 
Aleksander Jakubowski, whose Mil- 
waukce clinic the missionaries had suc- 
cessfully closed. 

The Aurora clinic was unmarked ex- 
cept for a faintly stenciled MEDICAL CLIN- 
1с on the front boarded-up window. 
Pastor Dave directed cars to park tight- 
ly along the street to form a barricade 
that would allow more time for the 
anti-abortion counselors to change the 
minds of any women entering. A po- 
liceman pulled up and told the pastor 
that the cars were too close to the stop 
signs, Pastor Lilligren produced a tape 
measure to prove the 
officer wrong. 

Some 20 rescuers 
marched in a close circle 
around the gate to the 
driveway. The 100 of us 
who came just to march 
paced the length of the 
house. According to the 
rescuers’ information, 
Dr. Jakubowski's ap- 
pointment book was full; 
the clinic, however, 
looked dark. A group of 
pro-choice escorts stood 
on the grounds, more 
conservative-looking 
than the Chicago crowd. 
Most, I later learned, 
were linked to Unitarian 
and — Congregationalist 
churches. They were 
products of what the rescuers called 
"liberal theology" blasphemers for 
whom the most horrible place in hell is 
reserved. From outside the gate, the 
sweet harmonies of Amazing Grace filled 
the block. 

No patients arrived during the next 
hour, though the doctor's petite, feisty 
wife showed up dressed in a fur coat 
and nurse’s whites. She tried to shoo 
marchers from the gate and then 
moved inside. The clinic was open. 

Suddenly there were shouts of “Res- 
cue! Rescue!” A lone patient, young 
and scared, had somehow passed the 
rescuers’ first defense and was nearing 
the entrance. Counselors moved to 
surround her. Escorts scurried to break 
it up. The 30 rescuers at the gate 
rushed to blockade the house. From 


the driveway rose a plodding chorus of 
Our God Is an Awesome God, the haunt- 
ing anthem of the rescue movement. 
Escorts tried to calm the paticnt. She 
stood frozen in fear. 

The police arrived and the captain 
promised arrests. None of the rescuers 
moved. Pastor Dave pulled out his cel- 
lular phone to relate the play-by-play 
to a Christian radio station. The object 
of the rescue was to hold the doors as 
long as possible. The police grabbed a 
female parishioner. 

The crowd grew edgy and impatient 
as the confrontation surrounding the 
patient on the porch stalemated 
Prayers and songs changed to chants 
and jeers. A gaunt man with a foghorn 
voice shouted, "Ma'am, there are six- 
teen malpractice suits pending against. 
Dr. Jakubowski.” (1 checked later with 
the Milwaukee Sentinel, and as of the last 
report, they had found only two mal- 
practice suits against him.) A woman 


yelled, “I will adopt your baby. You can 
come stay with people at our church 
until you have it. You don't need to kill. 
your child,” 

Disturbed, the patient walked off the 
porch toward the backyard. I watched 
as the circle of counselors and escorts 
kept by her, wondering if any of the 
surrounding babble reached her. Al- 
though she seemed distraught, she was 
toughing it out. It seemed to me that 
the escorts should have encouraged 
her to return later. Paralysis—or was it 
the woman's willingness to hear both 
sides?—played to the rescuers. Their 
job was to plant enough doubt to cause 
the woman to reconsider. Over the 
next four hours, she heard about God, 
Jesus, sin, love, responsibility, heaven, 
hell and murder. What could the es- 


corts say to that? “Stick it out, don't be 
bullied. You'll be just fine”? 

My moral sense began to muddy 
again—at that moment, it seemed to 
me that both sides had forgotten about 
humanity. Caught in that circle with a 
pregnancy she could not bear, the pa- 
tient stood asa troubled prize for views 
that will never connect. She was alone, 
private, determined and untouchable. 
At the most profound level, neither 
side could fathom her decision any bet- 
ter than they could divine when a soul 
would appear in her womb. No poster 
could capture her anguish 

My own—and to me it seemed our 
whole country’s—trouble with this mis- 
erable debate was right there in the 
yard. Most of us are ambiguous about 
abortion's morality. Polls show that a 
majority of Americans who are pro- 
choice say that, for themselves, abor- 
tion would be morally wrong but that 
it also would be morally wrong to 
refuse the right to oth- 
ers. There exists now no 
public forum where we 
can discuss these private 
issues. The words we 
hear are the extremes 
calling for us either to 
siand firm on abortion 
or to walk away for good. 
The words never call for 
us to listen or to reflect. 

After the police 
dragged the last of the 
rescuers off the porch, 
the patient and escorts 
stepped into the clinic. 
The rescue had lasted 
four and a half hours, 
the longest ever in Auro- 
ra. Pastor Dave pro- 
claimed it a victory. 

On the ride home, the 
deacon wondered aloud why there was 
only one patient all day and no sign of 
Jakubowski. Perhaps it had been a set- 
up and the woman a plant. For the 
pro-choicers, it was an easy way to get 
enemies carted off. For the pro-lifers, 
the deacon also thought it was a victo- 
ry: They had managed, at least for to- 
day, to disrupt the work of an abortion 
clinic. And that, I thought sadly, was 
the point. Anti-abortionists use fear 
and intimidation, while pro-choice ad- 
vocates use reason and compassion. 

I had watched a woman run 2 gant- 
let. Whether 20 people in Aurora or 
500,000 in the streets of Washington, 
that’s a gantlet no individual should 
face. That was the power of Roe ws. 
Wade: The individual was protected 
from the crush of politics. 


4l 


42 


HIWHIPLAS 


susan fcludi's best-selling broadside manhandles the facts of life 


Life is hard. Then you write a book. 

Remember Queen for A Day? The 
popular television show of the Fifties 
would present a panel of women, each 
with a sob story about how she had 
backed over Junior with the family car 
on her way to aunt Matilda's funeral. 
The winner, or rather the whiner, went 
home with a Maytag washer. 

Susan Faludi, author of the best-sell- 
ing feminist fusillade, Backlash: The 
Undeclared War Against American 
Women, seems to be going for the 
Maytag Nobel Prize. She claims 
that the feminist movement has 
sparked a backlash that “moves 
through the culture's secret cham- 
bers, traveling through passage- 
ways of flattery and fear.” God 
knows America loves a conspiracy 
theory. The media gave Backlash 
the star treatment, Faludi, a former 
Wall Street Journal reporter, said 
that hers was more than a coffee 
klatch book. She told Time that she 
was playing by boys’ rules, that per- 
haps men will “listen to data and 
rational arguments and statistics. 

Here is an example of her ratio- 
nal arguments: In 1986, a fernale 
reporter looking for a Valentine 
Day story discovered a study that 
seemed to indicate a shortage of 
men. The quote heard around the 
world: “Women over the age of 
forty are more likely to be killed by 
terrorists than to marry.” 

Faludi claims that the statistic 
(based on faulty research) was a 
Claymore mine that, when trig- 
gered, shredded women's self-esteem. 
Faludi admits that stumbling across 
that story left her feeling "morose and 
grouchy." 

We recall that headline. We ranked it 
right up there with scare stories about 
the New Impotence (anecdotal fea- 
tures that suggested liberated feminists 
so intimidated men that the latter were 
unable to perform in bed). Oh, sure. 
We may have mentioned the marriage 
study to our companions. “This thing 
with the terrorists. Is it serious?” But 
evidence of a male backlash? Hardly. 


By JAMES R. PETERSEN and LINDA STROM 


The people who used the statistic were 
moms and aunts, not men. We're talk- 
ing badgering, not backlash. Faludi 
managed to fan that ember into a 552- 
page inferno. 

Here's another of her arguments: 
Hollywood produced the pop-culture 
propaganda films of the alleged back- 


lash. Fatal Attraction showed “the most 
famous emancipated women with con- 
dominiums of their own slinking wild- 
eyed between bare walls, paying for 
their liberty with an empty bed, a bar- 
ren womb.” When moviegoers encour- 
aged Michael Douglas to “Kick her 
ass!" and "Kill the bitch!" they “slipped 
into a dream state where it was permis- 
sible to express deep-seated resent- 
ments and fears about women." 

Pass the popcorn. Funny, most of the 
reviewers at the time called this the 
AIDS movie. Glenn Close's character 


wasn't symbolic of the single career 
woman, she embodied the deadly virus 
with the potential to destroy a family. 
As far as feminism is concerned, this 
was a breakthrough role—name the 
last great female villain. 

But Faludi secs Hollywood as con- 
structing a remake of The Bride of 
Frankenstein: “Film makers weren't lim- 
ited by the requirements of journalism. 
They could mold their fictional 
women as they pleased; they could 
make them obey.” 

Faludi must live near a six-pack 
cinema from hell, the Masochistic 
Multiplex. Her grasp of pop-cul- 
ture role models is highly selec- 
tive—it ignores Barbara Hershey, 
Linda Hamilton, Sigourney Wea- 
ver, Madonna, Bette Midler and 
Cher (Susan Sarandon and Geena 
Davis’ film Thelma € Louise arrived 
after Faludi had written the book). 

If you believe that Fatal Attraction 
was responsible for stalling the 
feminist movement, perhaps you'll 
believe that Rocky V contributed to 
the fall of the Soviet Union 

That kind of selective inattention 
is rampant throughout the book. 
For example, Faludi claims that the 
backlash against women who cn- 
joyed the sexual revolution has 
now denied women reproductive 
choice, “Men who found these 
changes distressing,” she suggests, 
"couldn't halt the pacc of women's 
bedroom liberation directly, but 
banning abortion might be one 
way to apply the brakes. If they 
couldn't stop growing numbers of 
women from climbing into the sexual 
driver's seat, they could at least make 
the women's drive more dangerous — 
by jamming the reproductive con- 
trols.” We dislike the Randall Terrys 
and Jerry Falwells of the world as much 
as Faludi does, but we tend to view 
them as backwaters, not backlashers. 

Faludi takes the conspiracy too far. 
“If women are so free," she argues, 
"why are their reproducüve freedoms 
in greater jeopardy today than a 
decade earlier?” The culprit here is not 


antifeminist backlash but the liability 
threat that has driven manufacturers 


concluded that women who leave the 
labor force lose seniority and thus their 


of IUDs and other contraceptives into 


earning ability. Look at it this way 


different businesses. It has also chal- 
lenged makers of football helmets, pole- 
vault equipment and small aircraft. 

So much for the rational arguments. 
Faludi is most at home discussing 
money. Backlash provides a good histo- 
ry of class-action suits waged by women. 
She accurately describes the Reagan 
rip-off of the EEOC. But then the bl 
zard of statistics begins. “The differ- 
ence between the average man's and 
woman's paychecks, we learned in 
1986. had suddenly narrowed. Women 
who work full-time were now said to 
make an unprecedented 70 cents to a 
man's dollar. Newspaper editorials ap- 
plauded and advised feminists to retire 
their obsolete buttons protesting fe- 
male pay of 59 cents to a man's dollar.” 

We contacted the Labor Depart- 


en and a half years ago we were 
ing typewriters. Seven and a half years 
ago we still had a viable economy. 
When married women and mothers 
return to the workplace, they seek po- 
sitions that offer flexibility. Critics call 
this the Mommy Tra 
choose this option call it modern Me: 
Some say it punishes mothers; more 
objective observers marvel at how the 
market accommodates motherhood. 
Faludi complains about the invisible 
ceiling that seems to keep women from 
the executive suite. It is as if she ex- 
pected that once women entered the 
workplace, they would be carried inex- 
orably to a higher echelon. "The p 
portion of women in some of the me 
or glamourous fields act 
shrank slightly in the last half of 
Eighties,” she claims. “Professiona 


ment. Women who work full-time, full- 
year now earn 74 percent of what men 
earn. In its most simpleminded form 
this reflects an arguable injustice. But 
it's not that simple. According to the 
Labor Department, 68 percent of men 
work full-time, full-year compared 
with 43.4 percent of women. Men, on 
the average, punch in 44.0 hours a 
week; women, 41.4. If you work more, 
you earn more. This is not discrimina- 
tion—this is the daily grind. Among 


letes, screenwriters, commercial 
overs, producers, orchestra 


life scientists were all 
to be female by the 
earlier in the decade. 
ing generalization 


Eighties than 
is is a sweep- 
seems obvi- 


women there is a greater discrepancy. 
A study by Francine D. Blau and 
Lawrence M. Kahn found that single 
women earn 95 cents for every dollar a 


man earns. However, women who mar- 
ту and raise children face a dimmer 
earning potential. Another study sug- 
gests why. Joyce Jacobsen and Lau- 
rence Levin followed 2496 career 


women ranging in age from 30 to 6: 


Each had one or two work gaps ove! 


Yamaguchi didn't have to elbow 


20-year period. The average gap 


man to grab the gold. 


seven and a half years (the 


Contrary to Faludi's Cassandra-li 


math. one study showed that in 42 per- 


cent of responding Fortune 500 com- 


panies, women represent up to half of 


the professional employees. The study 
concluded that management realized it 
would have to help women overcome 
obstacles and nurture a few women 


leaders. Apparently, there's no need to 


train an ambitious man. Woody Allen 


and most feminists say that 80 percent 


of life is just showing up. The remain- 


ing 20 percent goes beyond hard work 


have since reworked their data and 
now say the average gap was two and a 
half years to three years). The study 


into the nonlegislatable worlds of am- 
bition, destiny, luck and balls. Lee Ia- 
cocca didn’t wait for the job at the top 
to be handed to him. 

If we were curmudgeons, we'd say to 
women: Prove yourselves. Start your 


companies, unencumbered by dis- 
crimination, sexual harassment or 
backlash. Faludi slides over "the nickel- 
and-dime reality: The majority of 
white-female-owned businesses had 
sales of less than $5000 а yea 
doesn't give figures for male- 


businesses or for males in general, and 
this holds true for much of her other 
statistical proof. 

Here's the rub. A man has two choic- 
es in life: Go to work or go to prison. A 
woman can go to work, go to work and 
take time off to bear children or stay at 
home and raise her family. Faludi dis- 
misses the man's burden: "For 20 
years, the Monitor's pollsters have 
asked its subjects to define masculinity. 
And for 20 years, the leading definition 
[has been] simply this: being a good 
provider for his family.” 

That has never been simple, as fe- 
male heads of households are finding 
out. But Faludi goes for the jugular: 
"If establishing masculinity depends 
most of all on succeeding as the prime 
breadwinner, then it is hard to imagine 
a forcé more directly threatening to 
ile American manhood tha 
feminist drive for economic equality.” 

Fragile manhood? It takes some- 
thing more than Fatal Attraction or hy- 
pothetical terrorists to make us morose 
and grouchy—it takes a major ссо- 
nomic squeeze. The supposed backlash 
erupted against the backdrop of the 
Eighties economy when the traditional 
man’s real wages shrank dramatically 
(a 22 percent fall in households where 
white men were the sole breadwinners) 
and the traditional male breadwinner 
himself became an endangered species 
(less than eight percent of all house- 
holds). This is an equal-opportunity 
crisis, not a time to throw stones. 

Self-appointed demagogues like Pat 
Buchanan and Susan Faludi may try to 
capitalize on the crisis by demonizing 
certain segments of the population. 
We'd like to point out that no one 
fights for scraps at a feast. 


43 


44 


N E W 


SFR 


O N T 


what's happening in the sexual and social arenas 


SEMPER Fl 


RENO—Some Nevada phone-sex cus- 
tomers may be disappointed to learn that 
Raven, the long-haired, hot-blooded, half- 
Irish, half-Cherokee woman of their fan- 


tasies, 15 really a 29-year-old former Ma- 
rine with a wife and four children. Or 
was. Raven claims he lost his job at a 
Reno-based phone-sex company on the ba- 
sis of his sex. He has filed a complaint with 
the Nevada Equal Rights Commission 
charging—you got it—sex discrimination. 


DEAN'S UST? 


MILFORD, UTAH—A Beaver County 
high school teacher who may have been 
seeking her students’ approval is instead 
out of a job. Cherry Florence shared with 
her class a private list speculating on who 
was and was not a virgin in the 107-mem- 
ber student body. The school board report- 
edly fired Florence, an English and phys 
ed instructor, for neglect of public duly 
and other offenses after students coaxed 
her into sharing the list. 


TENDING THE FLOCK 


SALT LAKE CrTY—Afler almost 20 years, 
Utah may restore the state law prohibiting 
sexual intercourse with animals. A propos- 
al endorsed by a state legislative committee 
would protect mammals and birds but does 
not mention fish. The Humane Society of 
Utah says it has been receiving complaints 


since bestiality was dropped from the state 
criminal code in 1973. 


HOUSE OF WORSHIP? 


SEATTLE—Humorless federal prosecu- 
tors are claiming that Seattle's Ultimate 
Life Church is not a religious denomina- 
tion and as such is not tax-exempt. The 
church, according to the feds, owes 
$310,000 in back taxes and penalties be- 
cause it is a massage parlor In court, 
churchgoers have admitted donating $50 
to $100 for a holy-kiss service—in which 
two female ministers place kisses all over a 
man’s body—and baptism of pleasure mas- 
sages. Jay and Joleen Gearon, owners of 
the church, claim that their church and its 
ministers simply encourage sexuality. 


GENDER GAP 


LEWISBURG, PENNSYLVANIA—Asked if 
they had ever intentionally misled anyone 
of the opposite sex, 28 percent of the wom- 
en and 17 percent of the men т a Buck- 
nell University survey answered yes. The 
survey also found that men are about three 
times more likely than women to misinler- 
pret friendliness as sexual interest and are 
then about twice as likely to think they were 
deliberately misled. The study concluded 
that “men and women are constantly mis- 
understanding each other.” 


“JUST SAY NONSENSE 


HAMILTON, OHIO—School officials sus- 
pended two junior high school girls when 
one gave the other Tylenol for a headache 
The school’s tough antidrug policy forbids 
students’ exchanging over-the-counter 
medications without prior approval. 
School administrators quickly defended 
their action, explaining that they had to 
guard against allergic reactions and that 
an innocent-lcoking aspirin bottle could be 
used to carry contraband. 


ANTIPRIVACY VIOLENCE 


LONDON—An appeals court has upheld 
the convictions of five members of a homo- 
sexual S/M group who engaged in mutual 
and consensual acts of genital torture. The 
judges held that using whips, sandpaper 
and hot wax io satisfy sadomasochistic li- 
bidos constituted illegal violence, even 
when done in private. A civil righls orga- 


nization denounced the verdict as one that 
“criminalizes a wide range of sexual prac- 
tices and shows a level of intolerance which 
is unacceptable in a democratic society.” 


TRUTH IN ADVERTISING 


Los ANGELES—Nine years in federal 
prison didn't look so hot on a job applica- 
tion, so Bruce Perlowin began his résumé 
with the headline EX-MARIJUANA KINGPIN 
NEEDS A JOB. The 41-year-old parolee then 
described the managerial skills he devel- 
oped operating a fleet of 90 vessels that 
transported 500,000 pounds of cargo 
worth half a billion dollars. Such candor 
landed him a position as national sales 
manager for Rainforest Products, a Mill 
Valley, California, firm whose owner re- 
marked, "He's shown that he's imaginative. 
and сап work on a large scale while keep- 
ing track of details at the same time.” 


IRON MAN 


WICHITA, KANSAS—Emergency-room al- 
tendants were stumped by a visit from a 
man who had a seven-and-a-half-pound 
barbell weight stuck on his penis. The man 
said he had wondered if his appendage 
would fit through the weight. Н did and, 


after becoming erect, it wouldn't come out. 
Twelve hours later, the fire department 
gave up on using bolt cutters to separate 
the two. A urologist was called in to make 
an incision to drain some blood from the 
engorged member. 


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Reporter's Notebook 


WHY 1 CAN’T STAND PAT 


pat buchanan, who scapegoats the poor and minorities to further enrich 
the rich, is the worst kind of conservative 


Sorry 10 report this, but Pat Buchan- 
п. who was blown away by the indiller- 
ence of Republican voters, will be back. 
The American economy is in permanent 
trouble and his America First appeals 
will surface once again, probably in 
1996. The economy will remain trou- 
bled, and a conservative demagogue will 
always get some play by blaming our 
troubles on everyone but ourselves 
Which is why Im hoping that Ross 
Perot will make good on his threat to be 
the conservative independent candidate. 
Шу. a conservative who has the guts 
to be for gun control and abortion 
rights. Instead of seapegoating women 
and minorities. he blames overblown 
»vernment spending presided over by 
Republican Presider 
Perot is a genuine cons 
avoids mean-spirited appeals to ha 


vative who 


» 
while concen 


ing on the real prob 
Jems of an economy hobbled by the Re 
gan legaey—a four-trillion-dollar naton- 
debt. Buchanan, in the time-honored 
manne 


of rightist demagogues, targets 
ad racial issues so we will ignore 
л that the gove 
have hopelessly hocked ou 

Perot is a business 


ments he served 
future. 
populist. who 


blasts top corporate executives for pay- 
themselves “obscene salaries” while 
squeezing workers’ pay. Buchanan, like 


his role model, David Duke, is the kind 
of phony populist who ignores the mon 
eygrubbing of the rich while focusing his 
wrath on welfare recipients 

the dikes of Pat Buchanan 
annual income was reported 
5500.000. you would never learn 
that the conservative Republican. poli- 
cies—spawned by what he fondly refers 
to as his conservative movement—made 
the rich richer and most other folks 
poorer. What kind of populist is this who 
Ignores the fact that under Republican 
administrations that he helped elect and 
in which he served, the wealthiest one 
percent received 60 percent of the 
benefits of the past decades boom, and 
that 94 percent went to the top filth of 
Americans? Those figures come from 
the Congressional Budget Office. In 
blunt terms, they mean the remainder of 
us will be paying for the federal debt that 
financed that boom for the rest of our 
own and our children’s lives. And that 


Opinion By ROBERT SCHEER 


includes the bottom 40 percent of us. 
who suffered а net loss of ] income 
ng the boom 

Perot understands this and called for 
prolit making to actual business 
performance rather than executive hus- 
Чез. Buchanan's strategy is 10 shift the 
spotlight onto the most. vulnerable 
among us. Pit the employed worker 
against rhe welfare recipient, even 
though the former can easily become 
the latter, thanks to Reaganomics: 

Soit was good to see Pat Buchanan cut 
down to size in the industrial Midwest 
s refused to | 
ism. Even Buch 
buddies in the Belway pla 
ground abandoned him. In the end, he 
was reduced to demanding not to be 
теме as a right-wing nut. Don't de 
monize me, he thundered when the me 
»pped coddling him 


ates. where work 


the siren call of ra 


media 


long enough 
to raise a few questions about his bizarre 
politics. 

What Buchanan offered in defense of 
his voluminous and vituperative public 
wa was the plaintive bleat of the 
chav) s that the 
a demagogue, he never meant 10 get 
anybody killed. Hey, fellows, I was only 
making a living as a columnist and TV 
personality when I said “Negroes” were 
happier under segregation. and that 
Jews were disloyal lor criticizing Ren- 
gan's trip to a Bitburg, Germany. ceme- 
tery that honored Nazis 

There has been a lively debate over 
the years in some circles about whether 
or not Buch. n anti-Semite. Why 
else wonld someone spend rime try 
prove that the diesel fuel used by the 
Nazis at Treblinka would nor have pro- 
duced. fumes toxic enough to kill the 
hundreds of thousands who died there? 
Even conservative maven William F 
Buckley. Jr. concluded that Buchanan 
sounded like an anti-Semite 

There is no doubt that he is a dang 
ous homophobe: in more than one col- 
umn, he argued that the people he calls 
the “pederast proletariat” deserve to die 
oF AIDS. Imagine, at a time when people 
of all sexual persuasions—and from cul- 
tures around the world—are dying from 
the AIDS plague, someone this con 
temptuous could be considered by his 
media peers to be a genial gadfly 


n who inst gh he was 


an is 


= 


Buchanan gets away with it, maybe to 
the point of coming back as at irue con- 
tender four years Irom now, because h 
is loremost а media personality. While 
we lionize such people for their celebrity 
we do not actually take them serious- 
ly. even when we should. He will be back 
ad he is a serious force because he i 
stoking a fire started by far me 
spectable elements in the Rep 
Ра 
Ronald Reagan, a personally decent and 
ate fellow, eynically v 
and we all know about 


2% 
blican 
"y who exploit racism as an issue. 


lec against 


re queens, 
ream George Bush's clection on 
the back of Wille Horton. Truth is, 

ade Henderson, director of the 
in Washington, D.C... pointed 
out, "The President will find difficulty in 
challenging the moral authority of Pat 
Buchanan to use the race issue be 
he has walked а similar path himsel. 

That was a sentiment echoed by John 
Frohnmayer, the man Bush made head 
of the National Endowment юг the Arts 
and whom he ousted in February at 
Buchanan's request. Frohnmayer warned 
of a Nazi specter and called Buchanan “a 
Frankenstein monster that George Bush 
helped to create.” 

Nor are the Democrats willing to take 
on the Neanderthals of the Right. Chis 
season the Democrats have Irantically 
attempted to ape the Republican assault 
on the poor while courting the middle 
class. ‘The assumption is that somehow 
the 3.4 percent ol state budgets that is 
spent on welfare, the worthless. other, 
сап be shifted to the hardworking tax- 
payers, the us. Bull. The assumption is 
that there is a good ог pure America, 
and then there are the shirkers, But the 
recent rise in the poor, and the increase 
in wel de up of people 
who w y and lost their jobs be- 
causc of the recession. The bad guys are 
not the poor or immigrants or even the 
Japanese, but. rather the policymakers 
who put the economy into a tailspin. 

Buchanan's America First sounds 
great until you realize that the right- 
wingers who have п ionally hidden 
behind the phrase would send most of us 
packing back to Poland, China or Afi 
i not to some concentration camp. 


El 


ise 


47 


h TO THEATRES EVERYWHERE 


COMING JUNE 26t 


— 
.= 
ہے 
— 
>= 
— 

-= 


amoeno: MICHAEL KEATON 


a candid conversation 
his wild childhood, the 


with america's most laid-back superstar about 
hollywood fast track and life inside the batsuit 


Hollywood insiders figuied it had to be a 
joke. After all, cinematic superheroes had to le 
as muscled as Schwarzenegger, as square 
jawed as Stallone, as sensitive as Costner. 
What was Warner Bros. thinking when it cast 
а frve-foot-ten, 160-pound goofball as the 
Caped Crusader? To make matters worse, 
even before the 1989 release of “Batman,” film 
critics aud fans of the beloved comic book cast 
their voles: There was no way Michael Keaton 
could convincingly play the title role. First of 
all, he had never affed a bad guy in his 
mentes: furthermore. he was just а comedian. 

But Keaton got the last laugh when 
“Вайшан” earned. more than S400.000.000 
worldwide, becoming the sixth-highest-gross- 
ing film in history. As а result, Keaton was 
catapulted into the ranks of Hollywood's 
heaviest hitters. H was only a matter of lime 
before a sequel showed up in тикле theaters, 


and thal time has arrived. Opening nation- 
wide this month, “Batman Returns” —star- 
ring Keaton. Michelle Pfeiffer as Catwoman 
and Danny DeVito as the Penguin —is expect 
ed to became another box-office bonanza. 

There was no blatantly obvious reason for 
the success of “Batman.” Despite the fiendish- 
hy comic capers of Jack Nicholson as the Joker 
and the drop-dead beauty oj Keaton’s leading 
lady. Kim Basinger. the film was dark and for- 
bidding. And it was often depressing: Keaton 


“Tm bolted, pasted, glued. strapped and tied 
all throngh the Balsuit. Is like heing on the 
inside о] a rubber band. But it’s a safe suit. 
When Vm wearing it. 1 [eel like Fm the poster 
boy Jor safe sex.” 


chose to portray Batman—or, rather multimil- 
Готийе Bruce Wayne—as а brooding eceen- 
tric in need of psychotherapy. Such character. 
tations usually don't make for a runaway hit, 
іші moviegoers ate up Keaton’s offbeat inter- 
pretation and so did most reviewers 
Amid the fanfare, Keaton’s checkered film 
career was all but forgotten, which may have 
been to his advantage. Things were off toa 
good enongh start т 1982, when Keaton 
played the world’s strangest morgue attendant 
т Вой Howard's “Night Shift." co-starring 
Henry Winkler. Then, in 1953. he again wan 
praise—and genuine stardom—iwith his deft 
апа funny portrayal of an unemployed ехеси- 
trveturnedhousehsband (lo Teri Garr) in 
“Ме Mom.” Bul then the well went diy: For 
зе years, Keaton got bogged down in a series 
of undistingnished comedies, He also had 
trouble mastering the sevipt-selection process 
thal Hollywood reserves [or proven box-office 
stars (he turned down the Tom Hanks role in 
Splash”). He was even fied from Woody 
ету “The Purple Rose of Cairo." Bul in 
1985, director Tim Burton cast Keaton as the 
satamically smaruy spook in his stylized hor- 


vor-comedy “Beetlejuice,” aud the actor aud 
director hit it off. Burton had intrigued movie 
goers with his equally bizarre “Pee-wee's Big 
Adventure” the would later direct “Edward 
Scissorhands”). and his unique style behind 


“Theater girls were nolorionsly easy. I had a 
friend who was doing plays, and theater girls 
were the only reason he did plays. He kept 
telling me that and I kept missing the point. 1 
thought 1 saw some sort of art im it. so acted." 


the camera seemed to blend. perfectly with 
Kealon's. singular manner т front of it. 
“Beetlejuice” was a hit, and Keaton was back 
on track. 

Soon came “Clean and Saber.” In his first 
dramatic role—Keuton played а cocaine abus- 
er—he not only showcased his range as an ac- 
Jor but also reestablished himself as a bankable 
Hollywood headlines The next yea, Keaton 
and Burton were reunited with “Batman,” 
aud the actor hit superstardom. As Keaton 
himself might say (and did say in “Night 
Shift”: Is this a great county, or what? 

Born on September 5, 1951. as the youngest 
ај George and Leona Douglas’ seven children. 
Keaton gora: up just outside of Pittsburgh. Al- 
ways an audacious kid, he proved it his first 
dus in high school when he was suspended Jor 
throwing а half-eaten apple into а garbage 
can m the school cafeteria. (Keaton claims the 


garbage сап was 75 feel ашау from where he 
was standing, but the apple landed in it.) 
After graduating from high school, Keaton 
put in brief stints al two calle; 
made his way to Los Angeles. Не quickly 


es and soon 


signed up far acting lessons, but most of his 
performing was done on the stage of the Com- 
edy Store, where Keatan’s felre hopefuls in- 
cluded David Letterman, Сату Shawlling 
«ud Richard Lewis 

In those days, Keaton was still known as 


PHOTOGRAPHY EY DAVID MECEY 

This has to be said carefully: The 1 
perception that whites have about Nat 
пить к based on things like ‘Dances with 
Wolves” I really liked the movie. but il had 
nothing ta do with the way things were or are” 


meral 


г Amer 


49 


PLAYBOY 


50 


Michael Douglas. But after he landed his first 
TV job, the Screen Actors Guild required him 
to change his professional name—there was 
already an actor named Michael Douglas. Af- 
ter unsuccessfully rifling the phone book. he 
sellled on his current name when he opened 
the Los Angeles Times and noticed a photo 
of Diane Keaton. “1 thought, Yeah, Keaton’s 
2 to [pronounce and il has a good ring lo 
“he says. Bul he never officially changed his 
пате. “Гт still Michael Douglas. 1 like being 
able to рш the Keaton hal on when I go to 
ork and take it off when 1 leave.” 
After appearing in several shori-lived TI 
series, including two with Mary Tiler Moore 
and one with Jim Belushi, Keaton landed 
“Night Shift” and that’s when the roller- 
coaster ride began. 

Ta interview the 10-year-old actor, Playboy 
sent Lawrence Linderman lo Warner Bros. 
Burbank studios in California. where “Bat- 
тап Returns" was in the final stages of film- 
ing. Linderman reports: 

Thad arranged to meet Keaton at his trail- 
er. but he hadn't returned [vom lunch sehen I 
arrived. His assistant told me ta make myself 
comfortable, and took off. As I wandered 
around the inside of the 50-foot vehicle, 1 
couldn't help but notice Keatons selection of 
reading material. It included а slack of scripts 
he'd been offered. a couple of novels he was 
considering optioning and copies of Sports 11- 
strated, Travel & Mad and 
Men's Fimess. 
‘Keaton showed up about 20 minutes later 
and we gol right la work. We'd met a couple of 
times before: getting him to agree to do the in- 
lerview had taken mare than three years. His 
Inctance, he said, was because he doesn't feel 
he's especially articulate and thinks he can be 
‘infuriatinglhy dull to talk with. In fact, 
Keaton is an energized raconteur wilh an 
abundance of strong, carefully ariived-at 
opinions. He's also a guy who's never lost his 
disregard for authority: Although Га been in- 
Jormed by the production unit that ‘Batman 
Returns’ was a closed set. late ane afternoon 
Keaton invited ше to come along and watch 
the filming of the movies final scene. He 
handed me а parka—wintry scenes are now 
shot on refrigerated sels—and we walked over 
to the sound stage. Between takes, Keaton cast 
off the character of Batman as effortlessly as if 
he were taking off a pair of gloves. He seemed. 
as comfortable entertammg the crew with 
wisecracks as he was portraymg the film S tiile 
character. 
Ay for the film's ending. il came as a real 
surprise to me. To this day, ГИ never under- 
stand why the producers decided to kill off 
Batman. 

“Just kidding.” 


Leisure, 


PLAYBOY: You have defined voursclf as 
an actor who has a side job as Ваш 
What do you mean by that? 

KEATON: It's just that the productions a 
so huge and the experience is so unlike 
making other movies that Batman actu 
ly feels like a different job. One day on 
Batman Returns, V started working on a 


scene, then we broke—and it wasn't un- 
tila month later that I was asked to come 
back and finish it. The scene consisted of 
me walking around the Batmobile and 
looking down into an abyss where the 
Penguin—Danny DeVito—is supposed 
to be. Danny, meanwhile, was wander 
around somewhere, wondering when 
he'd be coming bi 
stop-start quality to them, but no movies 
are stop-start like this—with all the spe- 
cial effectis required, all the technical in- 
tricacies. As an actor. Im always trying to 
hang on to my character, and by now. 
that’s become second nature—but I c 
do it on a Batman movie 

On the first one. I had to learn really 
how to fit into what f 
enormous painting. Th of 
dificult when you come into it cold 
Michelle Pfeiffer told me. "This is the 


hardest thing Eve ever done.” In fact, 
when I first mer with ппу and 
Michelle, I w 


eady for sc g a lle different. I 
could see the look of confusion and fear 
in their eyes. They reminded me of Alec 
Baldwin and Geena Davis when they did 


"I pictured Batman as one 
of these arms-akimbo 
superheroes. If he'd been 
written that way, I would 
have been the first to 
admit I was the wrong guy.” 


Beetlejuice. V was tough for them because 
they never quite knew what [director] 
going to have them do, 
or when. I didn't have that problem. 
PLAYBOY: Why not? 
KEATON: Probably because they had to 
maintain a sense of r nd I didn't 
In Beetlejuice, V had such an unusual role 
to play, and I came in with a game plan 
that Tim liked. Within a couple days, we 
were rolling like tanks over а desert 
Неа tell me what special effects he was 
ng to put into a scene—my head was 
gonna spin, things like that—and Га say. 
ЭК. fine” In 1 wa guy who had 
guts and imagination, and I was immedi- 
ately on board. Even if I was out of sync 
with exactly what the movie was going to 
look like, T had the general notion 
PLAYBOY: Is that the mark of a Ви 
picture—organized chaos? 
KEATON: Absolutely. Tim puts together a 
tapestry. His process may not be as fluid 
as other directors’, but once you under- 
stand Tim and trust him. yo ize that 
he's unique 
PLAYBOY: How is he unique? 
KEATON: As а person. Tim has no choice 


ity 


on 


but to be in touch with the child inside of 
himself. That's reflected in his movies. 
He likes things that are off balance and 
rough-edged, and I do, too. If Tim and 
Steven Spielberg were in the same class 
in school and і 


be unbel 
compressors 
things th: 
would have glu 
might be held together by 


sperated 
n the money. Tim's 
hanging off the side, it 
it would 
but not 
perfectly. Still, if I were in the class. 
probably wouldn't be able to take my 
es off Fim's project 

PLAYBOY: Baliman Returns is your third 
film collabo: n with Bu Do you 
anticipate others? 

KEATON: Yeah. Some actor-director com- 
bi ons work really well. Robert Red- 
ford and Sydney Pollack made several 
I think Tim and I ar 
the twisted version of Pollack and Red- 
ford. I really feel best when Fm working 
with him. Tim looked rested and relaxed 
the beginning of Batman Returns, and 
that made me a little nervous. Butas we 
neared our deadline. he got totally pale, 
his hair stood out like electricity was 
shooting through it and his arms were 
flailing. He was pacing around, tying to 
explain what he wanted, Other people 
might have looked at him and worried. I 
figured I had him just where I wanted 
him. I thought. Here we go, now we're 
in the groove. This is the Tim I know 
and trust 

PLAYBOY: Alier working with vou in 
Beetlejuice, Burton. approached you to 
star in Вайт. but you were reluctant 
about doing the movie, Why? 

KEATON: | was dumbfounded when he 
st called me. I think 1 tapped Ше re- 
er a few times and said, “You su 
ht number?” Bur that 


worked 


оп. 


ce 
you have the т 
didn’t last long because it was Tim, so 1 
knew there must be something to it. 1 


said. “Yeah, of course ГИ read it,” think- 
ing no way would I do it. I pictured Bat- 
man as one of these arms-akimbo super- 
heroes. If he'd been written that way. | 
would have been the first to admit I was 
the wrong guy. I was also really tired. I 
had done a few movies back to back and 
didn’t want to be away from my son for 
four months. [Keaton is single with a son 
om a previous ma L] And 
one other thing: 1 had always wanted 
to work with Jack Nicholson. and | 
thought, Damn. if this is going to be my 
only shot. I don't know if I want to take 
it. | feli that it would be better to work 
with Jack where were two people 
dressed in some sort of normal garb. 
But when I read the script, it made 
sense to тей was pretty damn good. 
When I talked to Tim again, I said. 
dont think y to agree with 
at here's my take on Bruce Wayne: 
ially depressed and a hule 


ге goin: 


He's essen 


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PLAYBOY 


52 


nuts, real dark and a couple of steps off. 
Yet, at the same time, he's not off at all. 
And he's focused. 

PLAYBOY: Focused on what? 

KEATON: Bruce Wayne gets real focused 
when he sees a woman he's interested in. 
movie it was Kim Basinger— 
and in this one it's Michelle, 
s Selina Kyle, the Catwoman. 
That focus doesn't always last because 
ice Wayne has a lot of other things on 
his plate, which is why he's always a little 
absentminded and preoccupied. Tim 
ed with my take on Bruce Wayne. I 
saw that Batman had the potential to be- 
come a franchise, but the risk was that it 
might look really stupid. and I'm sure 
that Jack felt the same way 

PLAYBOY: Didn't you wait until after 
Nicholson signed to play the Joker be- 
fore you agreed to become Batman? 
KEATON: It was kind of simultaneous. Т 
was holding out to see what he was do- 
ing. If Jack is doing the part, then it's a 
whole other movie. 

PLAYBOY: Was that reassuring to you? 
KEATON: Yeah. When Jack and I talked 
about the movie, 1 felt even better. You 
could see that he was thinking, formula 
ing. Playing the Joker wasn't a casual 
choice on his part. 

Га met Jack only once before, years 

ago, real fast somewhere. He's probably 
the only person I've ever seen who liter- 
ally knows how to sidle. 1 was at a party 
and he saw me looking at him. He kind 
of backed up to mc on an angle, faked 
left, went right, threw me a compliment 
and then continued the conversation he 
was having 
PLAYBOY: Are any of Nicholson's acting 
choices casual? 
KEATON: ГА bet you anything that 
they're not. Jack is so intelligent. I once 
heard him asking himself questions 
about the Joker: "How far does he go? 
What is he going to look like?" Jack 
knows so much about moviemaking that 
1 figured he'd be a real important force 
n Batman. And he was. He added a lot to 
the mix. For every four things I added, 
Jack probably added eight. He was a big 
help, especially given the time, the bud- 
get and the insanity of that томе. 
Things were often very tense. People we 
ng their careers on Batman. We were 
in London and executives were flying 
back and forth and making big deals. We 
worked under a lot of pressure. 

A good deal of that pressure 
was on you. After Warner Bros. an- 
nounced that you were going to pk 
Batman, approximately fifty thousand 
fans of the comic strip wrote letters of 
protest 
KEATON: Do you know how I found out 
about that? We were probably halfway 
through shooting Batman when I took 
the Concorde from London back to Los 
Angeles for a quick visit. On the plane, I 
started reading The Wall Street Journal, 
and there on the front page was my pic- 


e—l still wonder how those little 
drawings are done—and an article about 
how Batman fans wanted somebody like 
Sylvester Stallone or Clint Eastwood to 
play the character. The fact was, a lot 
rode on this choice. After that, 1 went 
back and finished the movie knowing it 
was out there. I just kind of dug in 
PLAYBOY: When it was released, Batman 
pulled in a quarter-billion dollars in the 
U.S. and Canada alone. Were you sur- 
prised by its success? 

KEATON: | didn't know because 1 couldn't 
tell what kind of movie it was. I was al- 
most as surprised as anyone else when 
I first saw it. 1 had no idea about some 
of the things that were in there. There 
are scenes in Balman Returns that 1 
haven't seen, either. While we're work- 
ing, the second unit is off filming Batmo- 
bile shots, special effects and explosions 
There will be a ton of things in Batman 
Returns that I won't know about until I 
see the first cut, So in that sense, I feel 
disconnected. Working on these movies 
is like being in the middle of some huge 
machine. 

PLAYBOY: Did the success of Batman 
change your life? 

KEATON: I’m going to say something that 
I've never said in an interview before: 
I'm so tired of this fucking question, I 
can't stand it. [Laughs] Look, anytime 
you're in a hit, it changes your life in the 
sense that people who don't necessarily 
have any taste become aware of the 
amount of moncy the movie made. They 
associate a lot of that with you. Consc- 
quently, their desire to work with you 
goes up proportionately, Dig it? If it 
made a hundred million, the e mea 
lot. A hundred and fifty million, they 
love me. Two fifty? Well, if I said, “Come 
and hold up my house for a week on 
your shoulders," they would figure outa 
way to do it. So you have to know that. 
PLAYBOY: Why did Batman wo 
KEATON: Well, first of all, the character— 
Bruce Wayne—is powerful, He has pow- 
er because he has money and because he 
saw his parents killed, which sent him in- 
to serious introspection and illness. But 
he still functions as a major force in soci- 
ety. You have to be powerful from that. It 
finally comes down to the whole look of 
the picture, especially the look of the 
damn Batsuit. It just emanates power. 
PLAYBOY: According to various press re- 
ports, working in that suit wasn't a picnic 
for you. True? 

KEATON: It was difficult. I’m bolted, past- 
ed, glued, strapped and tied all through 
the Barsuit. It's made out of neoprene, 
latex and rubber, and it also has some 
metal parts. Mostly, it's like being on the 
inside of a rubber band: It gives, but 
there's this constant pulling. IF 1 get too 
thin, I rattle around in it. If I put on а 
few pounds, it becomes too tight and ev- 
erything takes twice the exertion. I also 
sweat a lot in it. And I can't drink any 
coffee when I'm in it—and I truly have a 


caffeine addiction—-because they didn't 
build it with a fly and zipper. They put 
what amounts to a portable bathroom in 
there. But it’s a safe suit, When Гт 
wearing it, I feel like I'm the poster boy 
for safe sex. It also makes me feel isolat- 
ed, which is perfect for the character. 


PLAYBOY: Are you worried that by pl. 
ing Batman you might get identified with 
the character in the same way that 


Christopher Reeve became identified 
with Superman? 

KEATON: Well, to start with. I didn't sign 
a sequel deal, and 1 don't know if Reeve 
did. either. 1 think the real problem 
Reeve had is that he hadn't done many 
other things people had seen. so they 
knew him only as Superman. I say that 
in his defense. However, I remember 
Reeve being interviewed on the set of 
the fourth Superman movie, and he made 
a big point of saying, "I'm tired of being 
identified as Superman.” I thought, Re- 
ally? You know what, Chris? Unless you 
signed a sequel deal, you never had to 
make four of them. 

PLAYBOY: Are you saying you won't make 
four Batman movies? 

KEATON: I don't know what I'll do. The 
way I'm feeling right now, if somebody 
says, “Hey, by the way, Tim and 1 are go- 
ing to do another one in two or three 
years and you've got to tell us if you're 
going to do it,” Га say, “Yeah, ГИ be 
there.” But two years down the road, if I 
look at a script and it's awful, or if Tim's 
uot around, or if с hey eleme: 
aren't in it, I'm going to say I'm oui 

From a business standpoint, sequels 
make absolute sense, but so many 
movies are being made with sequels in 
mind that the whole things getting 
stupid. Gandhi 2 would have been in big 
trouble: “We put 
and he's back!" 

In any case, there's hope for us sequel 
folks: Harrison Ford did the Star Wars 
films without hurting himself, and now 
he's going to make movies based on Tom 
Clancy’s novels. 

PLAYBOY: One more item about Batman 
Returns: You originally wanted Annette 
Bening to play Catwoman. Why? 
KEATON: She has this really great ofl-cen 
ter quality, and I'd just seen her in The 
Grifters. So when Tim said to me, "We've 
got to think about Catwoman,” I men 
tioned Annette and he said, “What a 
good idea.” It was that simple. No one 
else was discussed. But then Annette be- 
came pregnant and had to drop out. 
PLAYBOY: From what we've heard, the 
hunt for her replacement didn't exactly 
rival David O. Selznick's search for Scar- 


lett O'Hara, but it certainly had its d 
moments 


matic 


alk about really know- 
ing you're in Hollywood. One day after 
Annette was out of the running. I w 
talking to Mark Canton, who was then in 
charge at Warner Bros. and heading up 
the Batman project. We were in his office 


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and he said, “I’m getting calls about Cat- 
woman from every actress you can 
name." He began going down the list for 
me when his phone rang. He picked it 


up and ‚ "Yes. fine. but no, I can't 
right now Just as we started 
talking again, there was another phone 


call. “Please do me а favor,” he said. “Tell 
her I can't see her now. I'm in a meet- 
ing.” About thirty seconds later, the door 
few open and in walked Sean Young, 
who was a woman on a mission—but 
on a level the likes of which ГА never 
seen before. 


PLAYBOY: What did she do? 
KEATON: Sean came in and said, "How 
could I not be Catwoman? It's so obvious 


that I'm supposed to be Catwoman.” It 
was so strange and bizarre. Sean was 
dressed catlike. No actual fur was in- 
volved, but I recall her hair being ued 
up with a ribbon that kind of picked her 
hair up. At a fast glance, it looked like 
she had cars on the back of her head. 
She was dressed all in black—big high 
boots, leotard and shorts. 
PLAYBOY: And she made her pitch for the 
role right then? 
KEATON: Yeah, on the move. She went o 
for about two and a half minutes with 
what seemed like one sentence. It was a 
lot like Bob Dylan's book Tarantula. 
While Sean was talking, I noticed that 
she had a metallic object in her hand. I 
flashed on it for a second and prayed to 
God it wasn't a gun. I wasn't alone i 
that—Mark had the same feeling. But it 
wasn’t a gun, it was a walkie-talkie. T 
thought I would diffuse the situation by 
bringing her back to earth. I said, “He 
first ofall, how you doing? I haven't seen 
you for a long time, and you look 
great"— which was true. That threw her 
for a couple scconds, and then she went 
on again. Lasked her what she was doing 
with the walkie-talkie. She said—nicely, 
she wasn’t mean—"T'm talking to some- 
body.” The wall alkie was crackling, 
and 1 heard things like "Roger." I said, 
“Why don't you shut it off? Let's have a 
conversation.” And I think she did shut 
it off. For a moment, I felt that might 
straighten her up. I said, “Hey, do me a 
favor, I'm talking to Mark about some- 
thing. Let me finish up here—we're just 
about done—and then Pll leave and you 
guys can have your meeting.” Sean 
talked for another minute and then went 
out and waited. I left and she came back 
in and talked with Mark. I don't know 
what happened after that. But it w 
wild and totally eccentric and great fun. 
TM tell you someth ng: If the woman 
could bottle that drive with a sense of 
humor, she'd be unstoppable 
PLAYBOY: [s the sense of humor missing? 
KEATON: For the most part, yes. She's 
talented, but talent notwithstanding, 1 
aughed very hard after that. It was one 
of those great Hollywood moments 
PLAYBOY: Young's campaign to become 
Catwoman—she dressed the part on 


Joan Rivers’ TV show—received a good 
deal of attention. Did she do anything 
beyond that? 

KEATON: Lots. yes, but I didn't really see 
it, so I'm not gonna say what it was. 
PLAYBOY: How did Michelle Pfeifler feel 
when finally asked to do the role? 
KEATON: At the time, she was preparing 
to do a movie. I'm sure that what hap- 
pened—I haven't actually asked her— 
was that Michelle said, “OK, send me the 
script,” read it and felt it was not to 
be passed up. Her name could have 
popped up just as easily and just as fast 
as Annette Bening's. In a weird way, she 
was the most obvious choice, if vou think. 
of it. I think it's going to end up being 
one of those cases where Michelle turns 
out to be the only actress who could have 
played Catwoman. She's so good 
PLAYBOY: It’s difficult to recognize you 
bencath all the makeup and costuming 
in Batman and Beetlejuice. Do you like be- 
ing unrecognizable? 

KEATON: No, not consciously, but therc 
great fun in that. On a very primary lev- 
el, dressing up wild is kind of where it all 
starts. When 1 was five or six, I began 
doing things like putting on silly hats, 
making faces, combing my hair crazy 
and walking in ways that looked stupid. 1 
cut out Hershey-bar wrappers because 
they were just the right tone for Elvi 
sideburns. I used to lick them and stick 
them on and perform for the family. 
PLAYBOY: that your role as a child? 
Kearon: Only in the sense that when 1 
was a kid, I received a lot of attention be- 
cause I was the youngest of four brothers 
and three sisters. Early on, I established 
that I was pretty imaginative and funny 
Families always look to the youngest 
child for that. All my brothers and sisters 
were quick-witted and creative, but they 
all knew that, ultimately, they were going 
to have to find jobs. They never had the 
opportunity to follow a looser lifestyle 
like I did. While I was growing up. they 
were moving out of the house, which 
made the financial burden on my par- 
ents lighter. As a result, I didn't grow up 
telling myself, “I better forget about any 
fun aspirations 1 have. Eventually, ГЇЇ 
have to think about a job." 

PLAYBOY: When did you become aware 
of that? 

KEATON: By the time 1 was eight years 
old, 1 knew I'd never have a straight job. 
And I always assumed I'd live in New 
York City. 1 would watch old gangster 
movies on television, and New York is 
where gangsters all seemed to live. I 
used to think that crime made more 
sense for me. | figured that what Jimmy 
Cagney did was a lot smarter than get- 
ting up, going to work, con 
and having dinner. And sometimes what 
1 do feels criminal, so I guess I kind of 
achieved that 

PLAYBOY: At what point did you first 
sense that performing might someday 
become part of your life? 


KEATON: Probably when I was about thir- 
teen and attending Saint Malachy's, a 
classic Catholic grade school full of color- 
ful. funny guys. l'd watch things on TV 
and compare notes with my budd 

next day wed do Get Smart or imitate 
Richard Pryor, which usually got us 
trouble with the nuns. But I recog 
that something was happening there. 
PLAYBOY: Which was? 

KEATON: When the nuns punished us, 1 
knew they thought we were funny and 
that a lot of them liked us. Not the older 
sisters—they didn't have a clue about 
what was going оп. But the younger 
ters were kind of hip to us, and that w 
encouraging. And their punishments 
weren't meanspirited. They would ask 
us to come up in front of the class and 
sing a song. The first few times I di 
that, | got embarrassed and my fac 
turned beet red. But I remember that at 
some point Г said to myself, “I have to 
ing Mary Had а Little Гат e, but 
don't expect me to hang my head and 
mumble,” I belted that sucker 
PLAYBOY: Were you a defiant kid? 
KEATON: Yeah, there was some defiance 
there. But I wasn't nearly as gutsy as 
some of the other guys. They would yell 
and sı m at the nuns and actually 
push them around. Which wasnt too 
smart: The nuns would kick their asses. 
PLAYBOY: Sounds like a tough school. Did 
you get into a lot of fights? 
KEATON: Actually, yes, but I w 
sarily all that tou s 
established my position. 

PLAYBOY: You grew up in a poor town 
just outside of Piusburgh. Was your 
childhood especially severe? 

KEATON: Oh, no, in most ways Robinson 
‘Township was a terrific place to grow up 
because there was so much going on. My 
dad, for instance, always hunted when 
he was a kid, so my brothers and I all 
hunted. After school, with a couple of 
hours of light left on those fall afier- 
noons, I'd throw on a hunting jacket that 
was handed down through three other 
brothers—the kind you can now buy 
Ralph Lauren for about four hundred 
dollars. My shotguns were also hand- 
me-downs. I started out with a little 410 
single-barreled shotgun and then grad- 
uated to a .20-gauge double-barrel. I'd 
grab my gun and a bloodstained game 
bag and take off, sometimes with a dog, 
usually not. I still remember what the 
sun looked like, what the ground felt 
like, what the leaves smelled like in the 
woods. You can hunt legally in Penr 
sylvania when you're twelve years old, 
and when I was thirteen or so, my dad 
would let me go out by myself. I think I 
was one lucky dude—not too many kids 
have that. All of that started to end as I 
was growing up. [t seemed like the 
whole area became a development. But 
there are still some things about it that 


isn't neces- 
rappy and 1 


PLAYBOY: Such a: 


53 


PLAYBOY 


54 


KEATON: About seven years ago, I went 
back to see some of my friends from high 
school. Mostly, we played basketball and 
went drinking, One night we went to a 
private afier-hours place called the Pol- 
ish Falcon's Club. Me and some of the 
guys were in there late, drinking and 
talking, and there's old Father O'Con- 
nor in there with us—doing shots, pour- 
ing ‘em back. I started drinking straight 
whiskey when I was fifteen, and I could 
drink far more of it then than I can now. 
My friends and I drank a lot; you come 
from Pittsburgh, that’s what you do. 
PLAYBOY: Is that how you spent your 
high school years—drinking and getting 
into trouble? 

KEATON: Yeah, but we were never mali- 
cious. We were just running around be- 
ing guys. At fifteen, I quit playing sports 
and started chasing girls, which is all 
hat's OK. I just wish I could have 
had somebody around to say, “Every- 
thing you're doing is totally cool. but 
there are all these other things you can 
be good at, like school." To this day, if 1 
have one major resentment, it’s about 
teachers. When I look back at my high 
school years, I feel totally cheated. I 
think all kids are cheated. Most of the 
teachers were a joke, and I think most of 
the teachers across the country are in it 
because they can't do anything else. Yet 
we still ask kids to be enthusiastic—based 
on what? We still ask kids to be good stu- 
dents—based on what? 

PLAY&OY: You didn't have any teachers 
who fired up your imagination? 
KEATON: When I was fourteen—by then 
L was already spiraling downward—I 
had a wonderful English teacher named 
Mr. Whitehead who liked a short story 1 
wrote for his class. One day he called me 
over and said, “You know that story you 
wrote? I sent it to a youth magazine to 
see if I can get it published for you." 
Well, let me tell you: My fucking world 
changed for the next two weeks. 1 
couldn't believe it! Nothing ever hap- 
pened with the story, but he was the first 
guy who got me even close to the idea of 
drama. And then I forgot about it until I 
was nineteen. 

PLAYBOY: What happened then? 
KEATON: | was going to Robert Morris 
College in Pittsburgh and took a course 
called Introduction to Drama, taught by 
a man named Tom Gaydos. Mr. Gaydos 
spoke with a commanding voice and 
taught us how to read drama. That 
sounds simple, but I'd never read any- 
thing before that was strictly dialog 
ПОР Did you do any performing in 
class? 

KEATON: No, I wasn't ready for that. To 
me, that was all part of the arty, bullshit 
group my friends and I made fun of. 
‘The next year, I went off to Kent State 
and was in a little play there, but I still 
didn't accept the theater crowd or be- 
come a part of it. The theater kids—peo- 
ple always referred to us as kids, which 


right away bothered me—were nice 
enough, but they weren't my kind of 
people. 

PLAYBOY: Why not? 

KEATON: A lot of the guys were gay. I'm 
not proud of this at all, but the truth of 
the matter is that we ridiculed the whole 
group. Even the women weren't inter- 
esting to me, and what's odd about that 
was that theater girls were notoriously 
easy. 1 had a friend who was doing plays, 
and theater girls were the only reason he 
dic plays. He kept telling me that and 1 
kept missing the point. I thought I saw 
some sort of art in it, so ] acted. 

PLAYBOY: Did you like being onstage? 
KEATON: Yeah, but there was no magical 
thing that I understand happens to cer- 
tain people. At that time, I was as inter- 
ested in writing as I was in performing, 
and that's when a lot of stuff started kick- 
ing in. At that point, I quit school, began 
working for a public TV station in Pitts- 
burgh and started hanging around some 
theater groups in town. 

PLAYBOY: Did you finally begin going out 
with theater girls? 

KEATON: Absolutely! You want me to 
wear tights? Will it get me laid? Bring 
me the tights! I was in some plays and 
musical reviews and did standup come- 
dy in a couple clubs in Pittsburgh. It was 
an interesting time for me 

PLAYBOY: Did vou feel as though you 
were making your move? 

KEATON: You know when I really knew 
that? When I was twenty-two, I spent a 
summer at Chinle, Arizona, on the 
Navaho reservation. A girl in this review 
had a boyfriend who had worked in a 
school out there. 1 remember her telling 
me about it backstage and 1 found it a 
very interesting thing to do. I called the 
school, got a summer job teaching dra- 
ma out there, quit the show and flew to 
Farmington, New Mexico. When I got 
there, T was picked up in a jeep by a big 
Navaho guy named Percy Joe. I'd never 
been West before and I wasn't ready for 
the amount of physical space out there. 
so а sense of agoraphobia immediately 
set in. I arrived late in the afternoon, 
and by the time we got to the school, it 
was dark—and the sky had lit up. I hon- 
estly didn't know there were that many 
stars in the sky. I was overwhelmed and 
noticed that my heart was beating a lot 
faster. Turned out to be one of the single 
greatest things I ever did in my life 
PLAYBOY: Why? 

KEATON: A couple of reasons, one being 
that I learned firsthand what it’s like to 
bea minority, which was a strong experi- 
ence. The Navahos didn't give a shit that 
we were there, and good for them. Their 
reaction to the Anglo teachers who 
showed up—most were missionary 


types—was, "This is all very nice, but do 
you expect us to thank 


xod you're 
here?” I ran into some reverse preju- 
dice, but I also got into long conversa- 
tions with the Navahos and came away 


knowing that we have to allow these peo- 
ple to regain the self-esteem that w 
helped to fuck up and take away. It’s just 
a matter of understanding and then 
moving on, as opposed to doing this pa- 
tronizing thing that drives me crazy. 
PLAYBOY: What patronizing thing 
you reterring to? 

KEATON: Ihe idea that Native Americans 
are enlightened beings more in tunc 
with nature and the earth than anybody 
else, This has to be said carefully: The 
general perception that whites now have 
about Native mericans is based оп 
things like Dances with Wolves. 1 really 
liked the movie, but it had nothing to do 
with the way things were or are. The r 
ality of the Navahos' lives is that they live 
in poverty that's as bad as anything Гуе 
ever seen in Mexico or Irel: 
what we have to concentrate on, and not 
the whole fucking white liberal myth we 
have about them. 

PLAYBOY: What was the other reason that 
that summer was so valuable to you? 
KEATON: 1 got totally blown away walking 
around these mesas and the desert for 
the summer. All the usual stimuli were 
gone. I was out in the middle of nowhere 
with nothing to do and nowhere to go 
except inside myself. That's when things 
started to come into focus for me. I st 
ed to tell myself that 1 had to follow my 
heart. When I came back to Pittsburgh, I 
had a clear view of what I wanted to do: 
I knew 1 was going to be an actor and 
I was excited about having a goal I 
worked Iwo jobs and saved up my mo 
ey because Т realized that I was going 
to move. 

PLAYBOY: To Hollywood? 

KEATON: No. the logical thing for me was 


to go to New York, study acting during 


the day and work the comedy clubs at 
night. For most of the next year, Eran up 
there on weekends, stayed with actor 
friends from Pittsburgh and got onstage 
a couple of times at the Improv and 
Catch a Rising Star. I still think that plan 
could have worked, but then a buddy 
who had moved to Los Angeles con- 
vinced me there were more opportuni- 
ties for me there than in New York. Soin 
1975, 1 went West. 

PLAYBOY: How long alter that did your 
career begin to take off? 

I started getting some television 
а year after I got 
ed a hip joke writer lor 
the President on a sitcom called All's Fair 
By then, I was part of a couple of come- 
dy workshops—Betty Thomas of Second 
an a good one—and | started do- 
ng standup at the Comedy Store. 
PLAYBOY: Care to tell us about Louis the 
Incredible Dancing Chickenz 

KEATON: You know, people often come 
up to me and say, “Excuse me, please 
explain Louis the Incredible Dancing 
icken to me.” Actually, no, they don't. 
When I first started out, I went through 
a period of using props, including a 


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rubber chicken. To be honest with you, I 
cant remember what that bit was— ve 
probably blocked it. Louis the Incredible 
Dancing Chicken lasted fifteen or twenty 
seconds onstage one night and then 1 
threw it оши was really pretty stupid. 
The worst thing about being a prop co- 
median, I discovered from that one ex- 
perience, is that if vou die—and the odds 
are certainly in your favor of dying—you 
have to stay onstage that much longer to 
gather up all your props while the audi- 
ence stares at you in silence. Гуе seen it 
happen to many a prop comedian. So 1 
concentrated on set pieces 

PLAYBOY: How did you do as a standup 
comic? 

KEATON: For a while. 
that I was 
started makin 
dience. Most of the things I did wi 
conceptual pieces that were really tiny 
one-act plays with a few jokes thrown in 
One of the first was a piece on the audi- 
tions lor Taxi Driver, which gave me the 
chance to play three or four characters, 
a» opposed 10 saying, "I need a joke 
here, Г need a joke there.” I love great 
jokes. ГІ had one that I thought was a 
title gem, Га pepper it, as they say. But 
I dont think I ever believed I was in 
standup for the long run, though the 
more I did it, the more I loved it and the 
better I got at it. But Г never did it long 
enough to get great at it. 

PLAYBOY: Why not? 

KEATON: I consciously removed myself 
from that scene and that world. | didn’t 


want to be identified as а comedian- 
actor. I wanted to be perceived as ап ac- 
tor, period. 1 guess I really wanted to be 


taken seriously. Boy, do I hate that ex- 


pression, but that’s all I wanted at its OF = 

most basic level, to be taken seriously. In € 
retrospect, it worked, but sometimes 1 (€ 

think I could have done all the standup I - 


wanted and my career wouldn't 
been affected in any way 

PLAYBOY: In the late Seventies, you were 
in a string of TV series that bombed, 
including two Mary ‘Tyler Moore shows 
and Working Suiffs, in which you and Jim 


he word on me was 
o hip for the room 


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Belushi played janitors. How discourag- Experience the full impact of 

ing was all that? Playboy’s 1991 Playm 

KEATON: | t ger frustrated. until I fabulous volume. Мр 

did a series called Report to Murphy, be- give leisurely, lovin 

cause that was my own show and 1 gi, from Түр extraordinarily 

owned a piece of it. Before that, it didn't pest vedo: i 

matter 10 me. But if Report to Murphy had s opportunity 10 

been a hit, I could have made a ton of mate Review to your permanent 

money and | would have become a ‘orice. 

household name. | was a little shattered о, онин TOLLIRI | 494: 

when it was canceled, but by then, Night ае to your cedi cr. m / ы emp 

Shift was ready to come out. I wanted to КРОТОВ ше о фей or т КЕЗ H 

do both, to have my own TV series and Dr probe o Рајын lor $5.95, me М i 

also do movies. $2.00 shipping э еп НВ. = * 

PLAYBOY: What kind of expectations did {ool dion residents please НЫ $ 
. боп т e 


e for Night Shafi? cional. (Gory, по ое oto, | I 
ig 7.0, Bax 1554, Dept равы de OW 
Oh, 1 was psyched and thought Molto yy in 6000 m STANDS № 
1 ٤ Elk Grove Vilage, 
what everybody thinks in that situation: = AT NEWS 
Em in a movie! I sure hope I'm good in 


PLAYBOY 


it so I can be in oth Really 
that simpli 
PLAYBOY: Was doing it that simple? 
KEATON: Mmmm . . . no. When we start 
ed filming, the producers wanted to fire 
me. They didn't get what I was doing the 
st few days. I was kind of wild and ap- 
peared to be unfocused, but that was be 
cause the character I played, Billy Blaze, 
was hyperactive and unfocused. They 
were used to a conventional kind of 
rhythm, and I was doing rock-and-roll 
comedy. I thought I was on the ri 
road so I stuck to it, and then 1 sta 
getting a lot of good feedback from them 
and from [director] Ron Howard. Night 
Shift wasn't a major-major movie—it 
an infield hit as opposed to a clean sir 
gle—but it made а 
profit and | was of 
fered a lot of movies as 
a result of it. 
PLAYBOY: Do you г 
any movies that 
turned down? 
KEATON: Ron Howard 
wanted me for the role 
Tom Hanks did in 
Splash. but I wasn't in- 
terested in playing 
that particular charac- 
ter. T also turned down 
the Richard Dreyfuss 
part in Stakeout. lt was 
shot in Vancouver and 
1 didnt want to be 
away from my son, 1 
me say that I think 
that Dreyfuss is proba 
bly one of our most i 
telli и actors, which 
is one reason he's so 
good. I liked the Stake- 
өші script a lot, and 1 
think I would have 
kicked that role right 
in the ass, but I just 
had to give it up. At 
the time I thought 1 
was missing out on 
Anyway. I 


movie 


сай 


you 


so little! 


something 


Also ам 


did Mr Mom, and that 
mov 


really put me mx 


: Was that easier for you to do 
than Night Shift? 

KEATON: No. it was much, much harde 
I wasn’t working with people whom I re- 
lated to as well or as easily. There was 
lot of fighting and disagreeing, and they 
wanted to get rid of me on that one, too. 
I think [producer] Aaron Spelling want 
ed to make а kind of TV movie version 
of an ineffective, asexual kind of guy 
hanging around the house doing silly 
things. И was bullshit, and people 
wouldn't have gone to see it. 1 was sure 
there was a funny movie in there, and I 
knew I was right in not allowing my 
character to be a bumbling houschus- 
band. Having said that, I can tell you 
that when we finished it, I had no idea 


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PLAYBOY: In combination with Night 
Shift, Ме Mom made you the hottest 
comedy actor in Hollywood. But afier 
those two, you appeared in a string of 
losers. Were you worried that you might 
turn out to be a flash in the pan? 
KEATON: No, not at all, probably because 
1 wasn't тоо career conscious back then. I 
was just going from one movie to the 
next, making a lot of money and living 
great. When something failed, it was dis- 
appointing, but it didn't throw me. 
PLAYBOY: Were you thrown when Woody 
Allen fired you from The Purple Rose of 
Cairo? 

KEATON: | was a little bit embarrassed, 
but something like that will always feel 


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might have if 1 thought I was in some 
thing terrific 

PLAYBOY: Did you go see The Purple Rose 
of Cairo? 

KEATON: Yes, I did. Not a great movie. I 
felt a whole lot of sweat dry up on my 
forehead, but 1 honestly didn't shout 
See!” Had I felt mistreated, 1 would 
have said a lot more to the screen and to 
the world than “See!” 

PLAYBOY: What were you saying 10 your- 
self when your next several movies 
didn't go anywhere? 
KEATON: | told myself I 
had to go about choos- 
ing them differently 
Alter Johnny Danger- 
ously, Gung Но. Touch 
and Go and The 
^, things pretty 
dried up for 
I was still getting 
offers, but they just 
weren't as good, and I 
started backing away 
from pictures. | had to 
pick carefully now. 
and I was catching on 
to what happens: Do a 
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working on the picture, we got toa рой 
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you don't get the good 
offers, so you really 
watch what 
yes to. And 
then I started falling 
that particu 
p where somebody 
would say, “Hey, wan. 
na do this movie? 
and l'd go, “Uh, let 
me look at it. Wait a 


have to 


pu say 


into 


minute—let me look 
at it ag 1 dont 
know. 1 don't think 


so." Twas 100 nervous 
about the whole thing. 
did 


What 1 fi 
thank God, 
myself, “Hey, throw all this stuff 
window. You think Beetlejuice 
the next movie 1 was consid 
be really good? Then do и. True, you 
may fail again, but you may not. Forget 
about success or failure. Just get back to 
what you do, which is 
But the selection. process is harder 
now than it’s ever been. And it'll keep 
getting harder because so much aten- 
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makes. That's a legitimate concern. And 
if you're an actor, it transfers to you in 
how responsible you're going to be for 
the success or failure of a movie. So I 
have to think about that, and that ain't 
much fun. But I've decided not to ma 
па pain in the ass; Гуе developed а 


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PLAYBOY 


nt of perspective 
So alter Beetlejuice, 1 was offered Clean 
and Sober and went for it, even though I 
new that if I didn't do it correctly, Га be 
a dead man. 

PLAYBOY: Before playing a yuppie cok 
k in that film, every томе you'd 
h the exception of Touch and 
love story—was a comedy. What at- 
стей you to do Clean and Sober? 
KEATON: It was like a big hunk of meat on 
my plate. I felt like ted 
a table with a napkin tied around my 
neck, a fork in one hand, a knife in the 
other, and with my tongue hanging 
down and a litle drop of saliva Myi gol 
to the side. When I read the script, I 
said, “L can really dig into this thing.” 
here was just so much to sit down to. 
But I was still trying to be too careful 
about my choices, and at first I didn't 
want to play a guy whom 1 didn't really 
like. But then Г realized I was thinking 
the wrong way, so | just dove in. 
PLAYBOY: You reccived the National Soci 
ety of Film ics Award for best actoi 
after doing Clean and Sober. Did. that 
encourage vou to go after other d 
ic roles? 

KEATON: Sure it did, but th: 
my plan. 1 think I'm capable of becom- 
ing a great actor, but mostly I think I'm 
just a very good actor who's been lucky. I 
love my career because Um also techni- 
Шу a movie star. Yet I don't feel like a 
vie star in the sense that Tom Cruise, 
Arnold Schwarzenegger and Kevin Cost- 
ner are movie stars. And Em not. I think. 
if carly on Га picked some more movie- 
star-type pictures, maybe there would 
have been more of that. 

PLAYBOY: In Pacific Heights, you played a 
villainous psychopath. Do you think you 
have a special aptitude for that? 
KEATON: Well, I hadn't played evil and 
heartless before, and any actor will tell 
you that’s always fun. But it was also 
frightening and it scared me. It made 
me sit down and think about myself long 
па hard. I'm proud of my her 
which essentially Scotch-Irish 
some German and maybe a little English 
thrown in somewhere. Unfortunately, 
that part of the world also passes on 
something very dark and cold. The Irish 
a people of words and spirit, but they 
have a thing about shame thats sent it- 
self down through generations. | grew 
up with a certain amount of that, and 1 
hate it. There's some meanness in my 
heritage, and as proud as 1 am of the 
ish. ГИ be the first to tell you they can 
make you sick with their indulgence, Ev 
er see The Field, a movie with Richard 
Harris? Every frame is filled with angst, 
suflering and people weeping and 
screaming. The Irish revel in that kind 
of excess. You could probably trace that 
back to some wild Viking who landed on 
the shores of Scotland or Ireland. 


toon wolf se 


PLAYBOY: Lets stay with Pacific Heights 
for another minute. Aside from allowing 
you to play your first bad guy. what else 
did that movie do for you 
KEATON: lı was the first time 1 experi- 
nted with going to work relaxed and 
just leuing it happen. l'd never done 
that before, and something told me 
was time to try и. I didn't have a lot of 
experience really internalizing a perfor- 
mance, and to а certain degree it 
worked. | really respect actors who do 
that well. The best example I can give 
Jeremy Irons in Reversal of Fortune. 
1 aspire to that kind of grace. 
comes down to that question of choosing 
pictures. So with Batman Returns, one 
more I find myself in a position that I re- 
ally like and also wonder about, which is: 
ow what 
PLAYBOY: Ever since the cameras started 
rolling on Batman Returns, Hollywood 
observers have been predicting that it 
will be the biggest movie of the summer 
nd maybe of the year. Do you agree? 
KEATON: Well, | can tell vou that there's a 
lot more of everything in this one than. 
there was in Batman and that the Pen- 
guin is far more evil than the Joker was. 
But other than that, I really don't know 
One of the reasons I hesitate to talk a lor 
about what I do and the medium in 
which 1 work is that I honestly dont 
know much about them. And Ет not 
being humble here, because there are 
things I do know a lor about and don't 
feel at all constrained to discuss. But I 
just don't know that much about acting 
and movies, Most people who've done 
the amount of work Гуе done think they 
know а lot about it, Usually, when I read. 
what they have to say. 1 find them totally 
pretentious and incorrect, so 1 hesitate 
to say anything because I think Um still 
figuring out a lot of things. 

PLAYBOY: What things 
KEATON: I don't thi nk Гуе done enough 
movies to say wholeheartedly, speci 
cally and unequivocally certain things 
about acting. 1 don't know enough about 
и. Some areas I do. I trust my instincts 
and my intelligence to figure out the best 
way to portray a character. but a lot of 
times I know I dont have definitive an- 
swers. There's only a handful—probably 
less than a handful—of people who do. 
Talk to guys like Coppola, Scorsese and 
Fellini, they'll tell you all about film mak- 
ing. Most everybody else is full of shit. 
PLAYBOY: 115 now been ten years since 
you appeared in your first movie. Did 
you ever imagine you would come so far 
so fast? 

KEATON: Oh, man, I'm light-years ahead 
of where | thought I'd be. Pll let you in 
on something: If, in the beginning. 
someone had said to me, "You're going 
to play a heroic character from pulp 
fiction. and while you'll be popular and 
successful in America. the тем of the 


you 


world will know you only as Batman. 


Тап you live with that?” Fd have said. 
“Yeah, Г can handle it.” And I can. 

The only part 1 don't like is what hap- 
pened when I went fishing in Patagonia 
on the southern tip of South America 
just before you hit Tierra del Fuego. It 
es about fifteen hours—not cou 
stops in Miami and Buend 
down there. After the plane 
there's an hour 
tel, 
to the place wh 
great trout-fisl 


lands, 
and-a-half drive to a ho 
nd then another forty-minute drive 


g to fish— 
ng there. You get the 
ture? Not a lot of folks around. Pata: 
sonia is probably one of the most desert- 
ed sections of civilized land mass in the 
world. Anyway, I was fishing on the river, 
ching my fly float on the water, and 
time was passing. 1 saw this trout we 
ing its way upstream and I was trying to 
catch him. A couple of hours went by 
and then 1 started to feel somethi 
looked back. 
standing behind me on the riverbank— 
they'd heard I was in town. It was kind 
of sweet, but it was also a Іше disap- 
pointing. It’s pretty hard for me to get 
lost, but in another ten years, if I go 
fishing again and I don't 
see anybody on the riverbank, ГИ proba 
bly turn around and yell, “Hey, where 
are you guys 
PLAYBOY: Aside from acting—and fishing 
Patagonia—are there any other things 
you would prefer to be doing? 
Periodically, there are about a 
d things Га rather be doing, and 
that's one of my problems. I'm so bad at 
zing my alot of op- 
portunities. But I keep myself real busy 
because I figure Tm here for about a 
flash. One of the thi ето do best 
© at the moon. Fm totally in love 
with it, but not on any scientific level. ICs 
sexy, IUS mysterious, it's beautiful, и only 
comes out at night: The moon is all the 
great things that the sun isn't. I have a 
ranch in Montana and the last time I was 
there, I was driving hom кім on 
this gravel road, and the sky was filled 
with stars on top of stars. Some of them 
were actually telling other stars, “Сап 
you get out of the way for a minute? 1 
can't see the earth from here.” Above 
them all was a full moon. When I came 
across a rise that looks down into an 
enormous valley, I stopped my truck. 1 
told myself Га be a fool not to relax lor 
five minutes and take a peek at all th 
so I parked the truck, climbed up on the 
roof and just laid there looking up at the 
sky. Fm not always this homey and 
earthy and swell. And what really hap- 
pened when I looked up was that I saw 
the face of God looking down at me. He 
said, “What the hell are you doing on the 
100f of your truck? Go home and go t 
bed!” So I did. 
El 


€ you're вой 


is to st 


Every AFTERNOON Ат 3 МЕ Han A HURRICANE. 


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Damior's idea. ES 
е D 
j А hurricane for the 
hurricane. 
* 
We used Myers's 

Original Dark 
Rum, of course, to 

make our 


hurricanes as 
colorful as the one 
outside. 
* 
And after that, 1 
guess you could 
3 say our afternoons 
just flew by. 


WORLD Famous} 
* IMPORTED '| 


x 5 uS 2 ; 
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How to slir up a hurricane: V^ oz. Myerss, 4 oz. pineapple juice, 2 oz. orange juice, splash of grenadine. Mix in tall glass over ice. Stir. 


as rappers, historians and spike 
lee lay claim to the martyred 
black leader, his late friend and 


biographer recalls the man 


n the summer of 1991, Playboy commissioned 

Alex Haley to write a memoir about Malcolm X. 

Haley was the ideal candidate for the assign- 

ment. He had ghostwrillen "The Autobiography 
of Malcolm X" and conducted Playboy's historic 1963 
interview with him. 

As always, Haley delivered his manuscript to us letter- 
perfect and on lime. He died six months later (see "In 
Memoriam: Alex Haley,” page 159). Here, then, is the 
Pulitzer Prize-winning author's final contribution to 
Playboy, a fitting remembrance both of the author and 
of his subject. 


It was a cold gray day in February 1965, and 1 
was trudging along a grimy sidewalk in the heart 
of Harlem, one among 20,000 mourners who 
would pay their last respects to the man who lay in 
state on a flower-decked bier several blocks away 
inside the Faith Temple Church of God in Christ 
The news of his assassination by at least three 
black gunmen during a speech at the Audubon 
Ballroom sent shock waves through black Ameri- 
ca, sparked threats of race rioting and rumors of 
conspiracy. 

As | finally gazed inside the bronze coffin, I re- 
alized that I had never met anyone who had been 
quite so vividly alive as the man whose body now 


ALEX HALEY 


PAINTING BY BRAD HOLLAND 


63 


PLAYBOY 


64 


lay before me. I found myself reliving 
the unforgettable moment when we 
had met five years before. 

The Lost-Found Nation of Islam, an 
igious sect headed by Mes- 
senger Elijah Muhammad, had been 

inning converts in the black commu- 
nity for its militant embrace of racial 
separatism and seli nce—and also 
alienating the white community with its 
confrontational hostility. The media 
had discovered the Black Muslims, and 
1 was assigned by Readers Digest to 
write an article about them. The man 
I would have to see was their fearsome 
chief of май who called himself n 
ter Malcolm X. I was told he didn't 
have an office or a listed telephone 
number, but that Га probably find him 
at the Muslim restaurant next door to 
Harlem's Temple Seven. 

. 

When | walked into the restaurant 
and explained my business, I didn't 
have to wait long. Within a few mo- 
ments, а tall, tightly coiled man with 
reddish-brown hair and skin loomed 
beside my table, his brown eyes skewer- 
ing me from behind horn-rimmed 
glasses. “Гат minister Malcolm X.” he 
said coldly. "You say you are a journal- 
ist, but we both know you're nothing 
more than a tool for the white man, 
sent here to spy.” It was pointless to 
protest, so 1 showed him my letter of 
assignment, assuring him that the 
piece I wrote would be balanced and 
objective. Laughing, he said, “No white 
man's promise is worth the paper it's 
printed on.” He then told me that I 
would have to be personally approved 
by Elijah Muhammad at Muhammad's 
home in Chicago before he would con- 

ider extending his cooperation. 

I went and apparently | passed 
muster, because approval was granted. 
My story was printed the way I wrote it, 
and Elijah Muhan 1 sent mea letter 
expressing his appreciation that I had 
kept my promise to be fair. I also re- 
ceived a call from Malcolm X, who 
seemed pleasantly surprised that 1 
hadn't betrayed them. But when | 
called back several months later with a 
request from Playboy for an interview 
with him, Malcolm X was reluctant to 
take the spotlight. He consented only 
on the condition that the editors un- 
derstand he would speak not as а so- 
called celebrity but simply as a humble 
witness to the wisdom of his spiritual 
leader. Malcolm also demanded that 
the magazine print whatever he said 
without expurgation. The editors’ re- 
ply: Agreed, as long as Malcolm an- 
swered every question he was asked. 
nough, Malcolm said, and we had 


The interviews were conducted over 
a two-week period, mostly at a seclud- 
ed table in the Muslim restaurant. 
у looking black men with close- 
pped hair and wearing white shirts 
and black bow ties sat at nearby tables 
listening intently to every word. Our 
talk sessions crackled like electricity as I 
picked my way through the minefield 
of Malcolm's mind, trying to ask tough 
questions without antagonizing him 
to the point of jeopardizing the inter- 
views. | knew without asking that even 
the sight of a tape recorder would ter- 
minate the assignment, and the disco 
ery of one on my person could term 
nate my career, so 1 copied down 
longhand every word that Malcolm 
said—as fast as 1 could go, unable to 
believe what 1 was hearing or that 
Playboy would dare to print it. A typical 
excerpt from the transcript: 


PLAYBOY: How do you justify the 
announcement you made last year 
that Allah had brought you "the 
good news" that one hundred and 
twenty white Atlantans had just 
been killed in an air crash en route 
to America from Paris? 

MALCOLM X: Sir, as I sce the law of 
justice, it says as you sow, so shall 
you reap. The white man has rev- 
eled as the rope snapped black 
mens necks. He has reveled 
around the lynching fire. It's only 
right for the black man’s true God, 
Allah, to defend us—and for us to 
be joyous because our God mani- 
fests his ability to inflict pain on 
our enemy, We Muslims believe 
that the white race, which is guilty 
of having oppressed and exploited 
and enslaved our people here in 
America, should be and will be the 
victims of God's divine wrath 

PLAYBOY: Then you consider it im- 
possible for the white man to be 
anything but an exploiter in his re- 
lations with the Negro? 

MALCOLM x: White people are born 
devils by nature. They don't be- 
come so by deeds. If you never put 
popcorn in a skillet, it will still 
be popcorn. Put the heat to it, it 
will pop. 

PLAYBOY: Do you believe white peo- 
ple are genetically inferior to black 
people? 

MALCOLM x: Thoughtful white peo- 
ple know they are inferior to black 
people. Anyone who has studied 
the genetic phase of biology knows 
that white is considered recessive 
and black is considered dominant 
When you want strong coflee, you 
ask for black coffee. Lf you want it 


„integrated 
with white milk. Just like these Ne- 
groes who weaken themselves and 
their race by integrating and int 
mixing with whites. If you want 
bread with no nutritional. value, 
you ask for white bread. All the 
good that was in it has been 
bleached out of it and it will consti. 
pate you. If you want pure flour 
you ask for dark flour, whole- 
wheat flour. If you want pure sug- 
ar, you want dark su, 
LAYHOY: If all whites are devilish 
by nature, do you view all black 
men—with the exception of their 
non-Muslim leaders—as funda- 
mentally angelic? 

MALCOLM X: No, there is plenty 
wrong with Negroes. They have 
no society. They're robots, au- 
tomatons. No minds of their own 
1 hate to say that, but it's the truth. 
They are a black body with a white 
brai e Frankensteins mon- 
ster. The top part is your bou 
geois Negro. He's your integrator 
He's not interested in his poor 
black brothers. This class to us are 
the fence sitters. They have one 
eye on the white man and the oth- 
er eye on the Muslims. They'll 
jump whichever way they see the 
wind blowing. 

"Then there's the middle class of 
the Negro masses, the ones not in 
the ghetto, who realize that life is 
a struggle. They're ready to take 
some stand against everything 
that's against them. 

At the bottom of the social heap. 
is the black man in the big-city 
звено. He lives night and day 
with the rats and cockroaches and 
drowns himself with alcohol and 
anesthetizes himself with dope to 
try to forget where and what he is. 
"That Negro has given up all hope 
He's the hardest one for us to 
reach because he's deepest in the 
mud. But when you get him, you 
get the best kind of Muslim. Be: 
cause he makes the most drastic 
change. He's the most fearless. He 
will stand the longest. He has 
nothing to lose, even his life, be- 
cause he didn't have that in the 
first place. I look upon myself, sir, 
asa prime example of this catego- 
ry—and as graphic an example as 
you could find of the salvation of 
the black man 
PLAYBOY: Is there anything, in your 
opinion, that could be done to ex- 
pedite the social and economic 
progress of the Ne 
MALCOLM x: 


all. the white 


“Hi, dear. You're home early. How was your day?” 


PLAYBO!Y 


66 


man must finally realize that he's 
the one who has committed the 
crimes that have produced the 
miscrable condition our people 
are in. Elijah Muhammad is warn- 
ing this generation of white people 
that they, too, face a time of har- 
vest in which they will have to pay 
for the crimes committed when 
their forefathers made slaves of us. 
But there is something the white 
man can do to avert this fate. He 
must atone. This can only be done 
by allowing black men to leave this 
land of bondage and go to a land 
of their own. But if he doesn’t 
wanta mass movement of our peo- 
ple away from this house of 
bondage, then he should separate 
this country, He should give us 
several states here on American 
soil where we can sct up our own 
government, our own economic 
system, our own civilization. Since 
we have given over three hundred 
years of our slave labor to the 
white man's America, helped to 
build it up for him, it’s only right 
that white America should give us 
everything we need in finance and 
materials for the next twenty-five 
years, until our own nation is able 
to stand on its feet. In the white 
world there has been nothing but 
slavery, suffering, death and colo- 
nialism. In the black world of to- 
morrow, there will be true free- 
dom, justice and equality for all. 
And that day is coming, sooner 
than you think 
PLAYBOY: If Muslims ultimately 
gain control, as you predict, do 
you plan to bestow “true freedom” 
on white people? 
MALCOLM x: It’s not a case of what 
we would do, it's a case of what 
God would do with whites. What 
docs a judge do with the guilty? 
Either the guilty atone, or God ex- 
ecutes judgment. 


The interview was incendiary stuff, 
but Playboy published it in May 1963, 
just the way Malcolm had given it to 
me. It was the most controversial inter- 
view that Playboy had run up to that 
time, and readers reacted with shock 
and outrage. Perhaps more important- 
ly, the interview propelled Malcolm 
X—almost overnight—into the nation- 
al limelight, where he proceeded to 
command the stage as if to the man- 
ner born. 

Within months Malcolm had accept- 
ed an offer to tell his life story in a 
book—"to help people appreciate bet- 
ter how Mr. Muhammad salvages black 
people"—and he wanted me to help 


him write it. Me, not only a writer for 
the white press but also a practicing 
Christian—another Muslim anathema. 
Malcolm had never shown the slightest 
warmth toward me, nor had he volun- 
teered a shred of information about his 
personal life. But perhaps after work- 
ing together on a couple projects, he 
felt enough trust to begin telling the 
truth about himself. 

No such luck. “I don’t completely 
trust anyone, not even myself,” he told 
me one night early on in the book col- 
laboration. “You I trust about twenty- 
five percent.” But that was before he 
passed a white friend of mine leaving 
my Greenwich Village apartment as 
he was coming in one evening for 
an interview session with me. From 
then on, the moment he arrived, Mal- 
colm—convinced that the FBI was 
bugging us—would announce sarcas- 
tically: “Testing, one, two, three, four.” 
He would then proceed to pace the 
room like а caged tiger, haranguing me 
nonstop for the next three or four 
hours while I filled my notebooks with 
scalding Muslim rhetoric and worship- 
ful praise of “the Honorable Elijah 
Muhammad.” This went on four nights 
a week for a month or more, with Mal- 
colm addressing me as “Sir” and 
bristling with irritation whenever I 
tried to remind him that the book was 
supposed to be about him. I was almost 
ready to call the publisher to suggest 
that they either abandon the project or 
hire another writer, when the night ar- 
rived when we both became fed up at 
the same time. I had been pressing him 
particularly hard to open up about 
anything, when he threw on his coat, 
jerked open the front door and 
stormed out into the hall, his hand on 
the knob to slam the door shut, proba- 
bly for the last time. I heard myself say- 
ing, mostly in desperation, “Mr. Mal- 
colm, 1 wonder if you could tell me 
anything about your mother.” 

Malcolm stopped in his tracks and 
slowly came back inside. He began 
walking and talking almost dreamily. 
“Tes funny you should ask me that,” he 
said. “I remember the kind of dresses 
she used to wear. They were always old 
and gray and faded. I remember how 
she was always bent over the stove, try- 
ing to stretch what little we had. We 
stayed so hungry we were half dizzy all 
the time.” Pure poetry. He wenton that 
way until daybreak. I didn’t have to say 
another word. From that night on, and 
for the next two years, it all came pour- 
ing out of him, the whole amazing sto- 
ry of his life. 


. 
In 1929, four years after Malcolm 
was born to Baptist minister Earl Little 


and his wife, Louise, the family's home 
in Lansing, Michigan, was burned to 
the ground by white racists in retalia- 
tion for Reverend Little's involvement 
in Marcus Garvey’s pan-African black 
independence movement. Two years 
later, Malcolm told me, Reverend Little 
was run over and killed in a trolley-car 
“accident.” Mrs. Little struggled for six 
years to fend for herself and her eight 
children but finally suffered a break- 
down. When she was institutionalized, 
the family fell apart and the children 
were split up. 

Twelve-year-old Malcolm, living with 
family friends, was elected class presi- 
dent of his predominantly white junior 
high school and graduated with high- 
est honors. But when he told a teacher 
he wanted to be a lawyer, the man said, 
“You've got to be realistic about being а 
nigger,” and Malcolm dropped out of 
school. 

And into a life of crime. After drift- 
ing through a series of menial jobs, he 
emerged with a new persona as “De- 
troit Red,” a street hustler in Boston's 
black Roxbury district. From Roxbury 
he graduated to pimp and drug dealer 
in Harlem. He had moved into the big 
time as head of his own burglary ring, 
when he was arrested and sent to 
prison in 1946. It was during his six- 
year sentence that he underwent a 
spiritual rebirth. He gave up “the evils 
of tobacco, liquor, drugs, crime and the 
flesh of the swine” and joined the Black 
Muslims, abandoning his "slave name" 
Little and adopting a new identity as 
Malcolm X, minister of Islam. 


б 

He had been preaching the gospel to 
a rapidly multiplying flock ever since. I 
didn’t fully grasp how many were in 
the flock, or how deeply they cared 
about Malcolm, until he began to take 
me along on what he called his "daily 
rounds" of the Harlem streets. A mati- 
nee idol, a homeboy among his own 
people, Malcolm strode along the side- 
walks greeting everyone he met, that 
angry glower he wore for the cameras 
softening into a boyish grin. " Brother," 
he told a wino amiably, "Whitey likes 
you drunk so he'll have an excuse to 
put a dub upside your head." Or, "Sis- 
ters,” he said with courtly charm to a 
group of ladies sitting on a stoop, “let 
me ask you something. Have you ever 
known one white man who didn’t do 
something to you or take something 
from you?” 

“I sure ain't!” one of the ladies 
replied, and the others burst out in 
laughter. 

I also remember passing a raggedy 

(continued on page 160) 


move over, thelma. 
look out, louise. 
we're going for a 
wild ride with home 
improvement's 
pamela anderson 


О. UPON a windswept 
highway on a Southwest- 
ern patch of nowhere, а 
woman rode her steel stal- 
lion into the orange glow 
of the sun. Sound mythic? 
Romantic? Hollywood? As 
you feast your eyes on 
these and the following 
pages, know that the wom- 
an in question is Pamela 
Anderson—a Playloy Play- 
mate of the Month, star of 
a Playboy video and now 
the hottest fixture in ABC's 
hit sitcom Home Improve- 
ment. Know that the beauti- 
ful Pamela is a student of 
myths and fairy tales (her 
bookshelf boasts several 
well-thumbed volumes, in- 
cluding Bulfinch's Mytholo- 
gy and Joseph Campbell's 
The Power of Myth), an in- 
cense-and-candles roman- 
tic and a member of Holly- 
wood's inner circles. For 
a few days this spring, the 
former small-town girl 
from British Columbia 
traveled a desert strip of 
Route 66—soaking up rays 
and giving passing mo- 
torists a roadside attraction 
from the land of dreams. 


€ hate to soy we told yau so, so 

let's just soy we showed you. 

Pomelo first appeared in Playboy 

as Miss February 1990 (left); ct 

the time, she noted that being a Playmate was 
“the start of something big!” Prophetic words. 
Shortly afterward, Miss Feb wos cast as Lisa the 
Too! Girl (with the show’s star, Tim Allen, right) 
in Home Impravement, which zoomed right to 
the top of the Nielsens. Pamela recently signed 
to co-star in Baywatch, which means she'll have 
twa series running this foll. Tolk abaut hot. 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY RICHARD FEGLEY 


№. А4 


utophiles will rec- 
ognize Pomelo's fiery ride (left) 
os а 1959 Coddy—sporty, luxuri- 
ous, with clossic lines and plenty 
of power. Ditto for the turbo- 
charged beouty we liberated 
from reheorsal holls ond studio 
sound stoges for a lost weekend 
in the desert. The saxophone 
she's tofing (for right) is no mere 
prop: TV's Liso the Tool Girl blew 
а mean reed when she was 
growing up іп western Conodo. 


LUBRICATION 


n these pages: scenes from Motel 
66 in Needles, California. When 
she's ot home in Los Angeles, Pam- 
ela studies Eastern religion, shops 
flea markets, cooks gaurmet meals 
and rides a Harley. “I'm a very 
sexual person," she says. "Sexuality | 
is an expression of aur spiritu- 
ality. Sex makes you get real.” 


SES ES а Ма ES EES ES e ls 


ya f: ; 


A A dE 


fresh from his second divorce, our 
chickenhearted hero tests the 
sexual waters and finds he may 
have to settle for the breaststroke 


article by 
DAN GREENBURG 


) ) HEN MY FIRST marriage end- 
ed in 1973, I found that 
the sexual revolution had 
started without me. It took 
me a couple of months to 
figure out the rules. 


My second marriage 
ended about a year ago, and though J find 
that the sexual counterrevolution has started 
without me, I'm still not sure what the rules 
are. On one of my first dates as a born-again 
single person, I went to dinner with a woman 
whom I shall call Pat, who is 40, has an 
M.B.A. from Harvard and works as a loan 
officer at a midtown bank. 

We had known each other previously and 
there seemed to be chemistry between us. At 
dinner we both consumed a great deal more 
vodka than I am usually able to handle with- 
out slumping forward into my blackened 
redfish. She invited me back to her place for 
drinks that neither of us needed. 

Kissing hungrily on her living-room couch, 
I paused for the breathless-but-seemingly- 
nonchalant, obligatory safe-sex conversation: 

“So tell me,” I asked, “have you been, um, 
practicing safe sex?” 

"Mmm-hmm," she replied. 

“Oh, good,” I said. 

More frenzied and breathless kissing. 


ILLUSTRATIONS BY STEVEN GUARNACCIA 
PHOTOGRAPHY ВУ RANOY O'ROURKE 


PLAYBOY 


76 


“And you're safe, right?" 

“Yes, of course I'm safe,” she said. 

More activity. 

"And how do you know you're safe?” 
Tasked. 

“Well,” she said with a touch of irri- 
tation, "I haven't had sex for about two 
years. And before that I had only three 
lovers in about a five-year period." 

“OK, good,” I said. 

We proceeded to complete the act on 
the couch. Foolishly and irresponsibly, 
I opted not to put on the condom I'd 
brought. Why? Partly because I didn't. 
want to seem presumptuous enough to 
have brought one in the first place. 
Pardy because I feared a condom 
might compromise my degree of rigid- 
ity, particularly with all the alcohol I 
had consumed. Partly because I have 
the same notion most men have that a 
condom limits sensation. And partly, I 
must admit, because condoms have al- 
ways embarrassed me. 

Relaxing afterward, I resumed the 
conversation. 

"The, uh, three guys you had sex 
with so many years ago, though, are 
safe, too, right?” 

“Right. In faa, two of them are mar- 
ried and I was their only . . . dalliance.” 

“And the third?” 

“And the third we know is safe.” 

“How do we know he's safe?” 

“He just had a blood test because he 
was worried, and it was negative." 

"He was worried? Excuse me, but why 
was he worried?" 

“Well, he'd been experiencing some 
AIDS-related symptoms and he's had a 
sort of bad history with women.” 

“A bad history with women? What do 
you mean a bad history with women?" 

"Well, he'd, you know, hump any- 
thing that moved. But he went for the 
test just a short time ago and, as I say, it 
was negative." 

It seemed pointless to bring up the 
fact that many people iniúally test neg- 
ative and that a positive result can take 
years to surface. I recalled hearing that 
when you sleep with someone nowa- 
days, you sleep with everyone they've 
ever slept with. I'd just found out our 
group had slept with a guy who'd 
hump anything that moved, and I 
wanted to transfer out of the group. 

“Tell me, when you had sex with this 
guy, did he use a condom?” 

"I didn’t think it was necessary at the 
time.” 

“Would you be willing to take a 
blood test now?" 

"Absolutely not." 

"Why not?" 

“I just told you. I'm safe.” 

When I got home, I telephoned my 
internist for an appointment to have a 
blood test. Since it was three in the 
morning, I got his answering service. 


The next day I went to see kindly Dr. 
Baker and took the blood test for HIV. 
I asked him what he felt my chances 
were of contracting AIDS. 

“Well,” he said carefully, “assuming 
you avoid sex with homosexuals and 
intravenous-drug users, ГА say your 
chances of contracting AIDS are 
equivalent to those of being killed by 
bricks falling off your roof as you 
exit your home." 

I had a fleeting worry about bricks 
falling off my roof. Within a few days 
my test came back. It was negative 

° 


I began to ask everyone I met how 
they felt about safe sex. All of the 
friends, acquaintances, colleagues and 
potential lovers I queried were sophis- 
ticated New Yorkers—college gradu- 
ates, accomplished men and women in 
the fields of publishing, banking, law 
and academia. Nearly all expressed 
fear of AIDS. Nearly all confessed to 
practicing safe sex hardly at all. 

Here is a sampling of two dozen 
taped conversations. If you find them 
disturbing, don't blame me. Thats 
what's out there. 


Rick, 45, separated: 

“Rick, are you worried about AIDS?" 

"Yes." 

“Do you practice safe sex?” 

“To me safe sex means using con- 
doms, and T don't” 

"Why don't you use condoms?" 

“I hate putting them on, I have trou- 
ble putting them on. It just doesn't feel 
anywhere near as good. There can't be 
any other reason—its not that I havea 
death wish. I don't bring up the subject 
of using a condom; the women beat 
me to it.” 

“And what do you tell them?” 

"I say 1 don't feel I’m a risk, how 
about you? 

“Have you become more concerned 
about AIDS since Magic Johnson's 
announcement?” 

“Slightly more concerned.” 

“If you're concerned, why don't you 
use condoms?” 

"I'm doing my ostrich imitation.” 

Barbara, 52, single: 

“Are you worried about AIDS?” 

“No. I feel I'm not in a high-risk 
group.” 

“Do you practice safe sex?” 

“A lover who's been in my life for a 
few years got scared and decided we'd 
better have safe sex, so one night he 
brought condoms along. We used 
them; it was a crashing bore and after 
that it never came up again. Regarding 
the other people I've had sex with, it 
doesn't even come up. If I were to have 
sex with someone I was nervous about, 
T'd insist on condoms. I used to carry a 
diaphragm. I now carry two condoms, 


but I don't use them. If the man 
doesn't have one, I'm too mortified to 
suggest them. 

“There was one person I wasn't sure 
about and I was bold enough to ask if 
he'd use one. He said, 'Are you kidding 
те? I backed right off and said, “Fine.” 
Т use condoms about five percent of the 
time, usually because the man insists." 


"Have you had a blood test?" 

"No. I'm much more fearful of 
herpes." 

"Why?" 


"Because with herpes you have it for 
life.” 

I guess Barbara's right—with AIDS 
you have it only for about two or three 
years. 


Marty, 38, single: 

"Are you worried about AIDS?" 

“No, because I’m only havin; 
with one woman. I'm concerned, but 
I'm not worried. I'm worried, but I'm 
not paranoid." 

“Do you practice safe sex?" 

“Yeah.” 

“What form does your safe sex 
take?” 

“Monogamy. But if the opportunity 
came up and I wasn’t monogamous, I 
probably wouldn't use a rubber. The 
last time I wasn't monogamous was in a 
threesome with my girlfriend and an- 
other girl, and I didn't use a rubber." 

^Why didn't you?" 

“I guess because my girlfriend knew 
her and she trusted her, so, you know, 
1 thought it was safe." 

“Have you been tested for HIV?” 

“No, Tm certain I'm clean. [Self- 
mocking dramatic tone] Denial! The first 
time my girlfriend and I went out three 
or four years ago, we did it without a 
rubber. It concerned me that she 
wasn't concerned about safe sex. I 
made her take a blood test." 

"It concerned you that she wasn't 
concerned?" 

“Yeah.” 

“How come you made her take a 
blood test?” 

"I figured if she had it, I'd get tested. 
Actually, it was because I found out 
she'd been with a guy about five years 
before who was bisexual." 

"Do you use condoms?" 

"Never. I do have some in case a 
woman insists, but they're so cheap 
and old, they'd probably break." 


Catherine, 37, single: 
“Are you worried about AIDS?" 
"Yes." 

“Do you practice safe sex?" 
"Yes, but the preferred term now is 

‘safer sex." 

"Well, what form does your safer 
sex take?" 

"I'd want to know someone's sexual 
history, I'd want there to be a waiting 


period of six months during which 
we'd use condoms, and after we were 
tested, I wouldn't want to use condoms 
because I don't like them." 

"You told me that when you had sex 
with your last boyfriend. you never 
used a condom." 

“That was because I knew he hadn't 
had sex in the six months before I be- 
gan seeing him and that he'd had a 
blood test and tested negative." 

“You also told me that you didn’t use 
condoms with the boyfriend before 
him. Why not?” 

“Because I knew he wasn't very sex- 
ually experienced.” 


Dwight, 48, divorced: 

“Are you worried about AIDS?” 

“No. I don't take intravenous drugs, 
I'm not homosexual and I don’t prac- 
tice anal intercourse. Therefore, I’m 
virtually immune.” 

“What makes you think so?" 

“There's some doubt whether or not 
a true case of transmission from a fe- 
male to a male has yet occurred.” 

“So you don't practice safe sex?” 

“Ofcourse I practice safe sex, because 
there are many common venereal dis- 
eases that are transmitted in heterosex- 
ual intercourse. But AIDS is not one 
of them.” 

“So what do you do?” 

“I either usc condoms or both of us 
EO lo a gynecologist to make suc we 
don’t have a venereal disease.” 

“Have you had a blood test for 
HIV?" 

“No, why do I need a blood test? It 
would be unfair for me to have a blood 
test when there are people in high-risk 
groups who need a hospital's facilities 
more.” 

"Did Magic Johnson's announce- 
ment affect you?” 

"Certainly. I felt compassion for the 
man. I also felt we're very far from 
learning the truth of his infection, and 
because of the sensitivity of the issue, 
we'll probably never learn. 

“Most people will lie about how they 
contracted the disease. It can't be con- 
tracted by saliva, sweat or contact. It is 
not airborne. It has an incredibly short 
life span out of the body. Blood that is 
HIV-positive must get into the blood- 
stream of someone who doesn't have it 
in order for it to pass. If you conducted 
your life on the basis of avoiding events 
that had the same statistical probabil- 
ity as contracting AIDS heterosexually, 
you would never leave your room." 

Most people I talked with are wor- 
пей about AIDS, but they don't use 
condoms. Dwight uses them, but he 
isn't worried. 


Natalie, 47, divorced: 
“How many lovers have you had 


since you've been divorced?" 


“And did you practice safe sex with 
them?” 

“With one of them I did. He was 
married and I was the only other wom- 
an he was sleeping with. He wanted to 
use condoms, so we did." 

"What about the other guy?" 

"He probably had a lot of other 
women. but he told me he'd had a 
blood test and he was safe, so I figured 
we didn’t need to use anything.” 

“Why did you believe him?” 

“Well, he really seemed to care about 
me, so 1 figured he wouldn't do any- 
thing to hurt me.” 


Mel, 31, single: 

“Are you worried about AIDS?” 

“Yeah, I guess I am. I've had the 
AIDS test a couple times. The first time 
was a year ago. I just met this girl and 
we made love in a hot tub. Then I real- 
ized how easy it was to have sex with 
her, so I got worried. In the hot tub it 
was like AIDS soup.” 

“Do you practice safe sex?” 

“Yes. I'd say about ninety-eight per- 
cent of the time. I use unlubricated 
condoms because the other kind gives 
mea rash." 


"Do you worry about cunnilingus?" 

“I used to be, but I asked a couple 
friends and they said, "No, no, it's cool," 
so I'm not anymore." 

“Do you think it’s easier or harder to 
find sex partners now?" 

“I don't think its changed that 
much." 


Mort, 39, single: 

"Do you practice safe sex?" 

"Yes. Safe for me but not for my 
partners." 

“How does that work?" 

“I use condoms except when my 
partners perform oral sex on me.” 

“are you worried about AIDS?” 

[A wr) laugh.] "Every time I begin the 
act, I’m aware that we're having a little 
ménage à trois—me, my compliant 
partner and . . . death.” 

° 

I decide to seek counseling about 
safe sex. In the Manhattan directory, 
under New York City Government 
Offices, Health, Dept. of, are many tele- 
phone numbers. I call several under 
such headings as Sexually Transmitted 
Disease Control and VD Hotline and 
ask if there's (continued on page 144) 


traps aren't the only 
peril when lotte tees 
off with her ex 


fiction by 


KEVIN COOK 


ESTON’S 
RAT 


HE SUN was a smudge in the fog. The club- 
house was fogged in. Crows pecked grass seed 
off the practice green. I watched a crow tug a 
worm until the worm, a gray wire, snapped. 
Reston, waiting at the first tee, grunted 
when he saw me. “Welcome, snot,” he said. 
“Tell me. How long can you swim?” 

“Good morning,” I said. 

Reston lita smoke. “If your life depended, I mean,” he 
growled. Reston smoked unfiltered cigarettes; over the 
years they had tarred his voice. “On the one hand, life. 
On the other, the deep,” he said, aiming his cigarette at 
the bay. 

“Is this one of your quizzes, Jack?” 

“It's a simple question. How long can you swim?” 

“Do I still get to play if I answer wrong?" 

“No.” He yanked the one-iron from his golf bag and 
took a practice swing. Reston swings hard, even on prac- 
tice swings, ruddy hands snapping past his shoulder to 
the back of his neck. He wore red cleats, black pants and 
a black sweater with a golden bear over his heart. “Swim 
or sink. Sink and croak,” he said. “Drowning is a slow 

78 death, snot. The brain dies last, you know. What thoughts 


PAINTING BY CHUCK WALKER 


PLAYBOY 


a drowning man may have I do not 
know, but I bet they ain't . . . fun. Sink 
and you slip to the mud, snot. You're 
food for fish and sea lice.” 

“A mile,” I said. 

"What? What?" 

“I think I could swim a mile.” 

Reston shook his head like 1 was 
hopeless. "Duration. Duration. not dis- 
tance," he said. “If I wanted distance, 
snot, ГА ask Diana Nyad. How long 
can you swim?" He italicized with a 
clenched fist. 

“An hour, then. ] can swim an hour." 

“You go under. You suck salt and it 
scares you. Crap leaks out of your butt, 
that's how bad it scares you. Up you 
come and you're slapping that surf 
now.” 

“Nothing leaks out of my butt,” I 
said. “I never eat before I swim.” 

“Slapping that surf. But for how 
long?” 

“] really don't know, Jack. Suppose 
you tell me the answer and we play 
golf” 

He planted a ball and hit a long, low 
one-iron at the first fairway. I whistled. 
I said it wasn't bad for an old man. 
Reston said my head was like a Top- 
Flite: dimpled on the outside, hard and 
featureless inside. “A rat can swim for 
seven days,” he said. 

“A rat." 

“Damn right a rat.” 

1 hit my Top-Flite past his ball. 
“You're senile,” I said, but Reston 
wasn't finished. He wanted more than 
an insult, he wanted shock. Half the 
things he says—learn this in a hurry if 
you want to play golf with him—prove 
something. Every nugget will change 
your Ше if you grok its importance. 
One morning Reston told me that 
women who live together synchronize 
their menstrual cycles; when 1 failed to 
fall over in awe, he shook his head and 
said, as slowly as a dog trainer, thet it 
proved they're in league against us. 

“A rat in a trap will eat his own legs 
off,” Reston said. "He'll chew a hole in 
a hog's gut and get his dinner that way 
if that's what it takes. To win. A rat is 
smart. Stick him in the middle of the 
ocean, where he knows he can’t possi- 
bly win, and he drowns in an hour. 
Give him a chance, though—in a flood- 
ed culvert with the water level sinking a 
little every hour—and he swims for 
seven days.” 

“I hope he doesn't eat his legs before 
he swims. Hell get a cramp,” I said. 

Reston shouldered his golf bag and 
started for the green. “Why do I play 
with you?” 

“Jack?” 

“Yes, snot?” 

“Shouldn't we wait for Lotte?” 

“What time is it?” 

“I don't know. Five after?” 


“Fuck her. She's late.” 

We played Tuesdays and Thursdays 
at dawn at Monarch Bay; Reston, Lotte 
and me. We never phoned one another 
to confirm our tee time. It was under- 
stood, be there or be excommunicated. 
Reston was always early. I was usually 
on time. Lotte was usually late. 

I often tried to talk Reston into wait- 
ing for her, but Reston did not wait. If 
you were late, you could catch up to 
him on the second hole, but don’t ex- 
pect credit for your putt on the first. 
Reston would not accept your score 
unless he witnessed every shot, and if 
you were putting for par on the first 
green, he would shut his eyes. You got 
an X on the first hole and started the 
day five dollars down. 

He and I matched fives on the first 
hole that day, Lotte came clattering to 
the second tee, dragging her pull cart. 

Reston waved a scorecard. “What on 
the first hole, Lotto?” 

“Three,” Lotte lied. 

Reston marked the card. “Looks like 
an X here, darlin’.” 

“Fuck you so much,” Lotte said. She 
was small, maybe five foot two, with 
wide hips she balanced on piano legs. 
Lotte wore white cleats, a red skirt and 
a white sweater, her golf uniform. She 
wore a visor with a doughnut on the 
bill. Her red hair was going gray. Her 
skin was browned by too much sun 
and, like me, she smelled faindy of 
powdered sugar. Reston pointed at her 
cart. “Training wheels again,” he said. 

“You know that J have a bad back,” 
she said. 

“I ignore mine,” Reston said. Hitting 
his second drive of the day at a fairway 
trap, he said, “Do you know what 
makes my back worse, Lotto? Looking 
at you and that cart. If you can’t lug 
your sticks like a man, don’t play.” 

“Are there men in this group?" she 
asked. 

Reston, shaking his head at his tee 
shot, said, “Not so's you'd notice.” 

“So there.” Lotte teed a ball. She 
took two smooth practice swings that 
bore no resemblance to her true swing. 
She wrapped her driver around her 
neck, aimed her chin at the sky and 
jabbed the ball out of bounds. “Quiet. 
Say nothing,” she said. 

“The shot,” Reston said, “she speaks 
for herself.” 

“Fuck you’ is what she says.” Lotte 
bounced a penalty ball off the ladies’ 
tee. She and Reston had forgotten me. 
I hit my ball, grabbed my bag and left 
them squabbling at the tee. I heard 
Lotte say Reston had no idea of golf 
etiquette. 

“Etiquette,” he said. “That's a French 
word, I think. The language of losers. 
The lingua franca of pussies.” 

“Fuck toi,” she said. 


We crisscrossed the links at Mon- 
arch Bay as the sun turned white; the 
butcher, the baker and the snot. I was 
the snot because I was less than half 
their ages. 

Lotte, the baker, was Reston’s ex- 
wife. He called her Lotto because, as he 
put it, “I bet on her in the lottery of life 
and I lost. Ten years I lost. Ten years of 
marriage. We'll say, liberally, ten good 
nights in her bed. No tots, though, no 
heir for old Jack. No, she was as barren 
as the rocks by the ninth green. Ten 
years and a life of court-ordered 
checks, my ransom.” Sometimes, in 
keeping with his lottery theme, finger- 
ing a scar on his cheek, he called her 
the Scratcher. 

Reston and Lotte’s divorce settle- 
ment had financed her business, which 
is where I came in. 

She owned a 20-store chain of 
doughnut shops, Dippity Donuts, with 
outlets in Irvine, Huntington Beach, 
Seal Beach and Long Beach. Lotte was 
locally famous for her late-night TV 
ads in which she and a dozen cowboys 
did the Texas two-step on a map of 
California. They sang “Dippity Donuts, 
Dippity yay, my, oh my, what a won- 
derful day.” I managed one of Lotte's 
Irvine shops. 1 was a lean, starving 
business student at UC-Irvine night 
school. 1 wore jeans and a visor with a 
doughnut on the bill and had fantasies 
of seeing Loue tumble off Ше ninth 
green into the bay, leaving me in 
charge. 

Reston owned J&R Meats, a firm 
that supplied nearly 200 groceries, 
delis and carnicerias in Orange County. 
He was, in his words, the county's 
butcher di tutti butchers. According to 
him, he had dropped out of UCLA 
med school “back in the Mesozoic” on 
the day he realized that the meat that 
doctors tended was no different from 
the chorizos his old dad sold to the 
Mexes in Santa Ana. In fact, Reston 
said, sick people were worse than meat. 
They were meat with relatives. He had 
left the human meat to his classmates, 
“little bookworms with unjustified God 
complexes.” He took over the family 
business in 1958, quintupled its grosses 
in five years and settled into a life of 
“business glory and wedded blitz.” Still, 
Reston said, he never forgot the most 
vital lesson students learn at med 
school: Keep your head down and 
swing through the ball. 

I knew why Reston played golf with 
Lotte. He always won. He loved taking 
$20 or $30 from her twice a week. He 
always said, “Ten thousand years of 
this and ГЇЇ be even." 

I never decided why Lotte played 
with him. Maybe she enjoyed paying 
her golf debts with portions of her 

(continued on page 164) 


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"Well, sir, it looks like things are getting pretty 
serious for Peter and Pauline.” 


61 


82 


OND EANIBITION 


in rhe sweltering sun, madonna justifies her lust 


pparently, the Material 
Girl has a new recipe for 
success. Call it Madonna 
on the half shell: equal 
parts sun, surf and nudity, 
sprinkled with a dash of Botti- 
celli à la Miami. We usually 
think of fantasies in the context. 
of dimly lit bedrooms, but 
Madonna is about to change all 


that—again. 
heard that Ms. Ciccone was 


If you haven't 


making waves in Miami Beach 
by acting out her erotic dreams 
in the buff for a book shot by 
her favorite fashion photographer, Steven Meisel, you've ei- 
ther had your head in the sand or been stranded on a Sovi- 
et space station for the past ten months. Reports first trick- 
led in from the tabloids before making it into the stuffier 
newsweeklies: Madonna and Meisel hit the beach with fash- 
ion-runway voguer Naomi Campbell; Madonna strikes a 
pose in public view, stripped down to stiletto heels, long 
gloves, panties and—huh?—a cottontail on her stern; the 
newly bronzed blonde then recruits rappers Vanilla Ice and 
Big Daddy Kane to join in her graphic tableaux. Meisel's 
pictures (according to “insider” gossip, which is almost cer- 
tainly a well-timed leak designed to make headlines) gave 
pause to publisher Warner Books because the pictures, said 
the proverbial spokesperson, go “beyond erotica." We know 
that place well: It lies somewhere twixt the land of hype and 
the realm of flackery. And it sells. Remember when MTV, 
squirming over Madonna's video Justify My Love, banned it 
from the network? Madonna turned the video into a hit sin- 
gle. And now, with her latest antics, the bottle-fondling star 
of Truth or Dare is doing more for coffee-table books than 
Clarence Thomas did for Coca-Cola. Which should come as 
no surprise. This is the woman who grossed upwards of 
$24,000,000 last year, and more than $500,000,000 over the 
span of her career. She is, by her own admission, a studio 
singer and an energetic dancer—but her live shows set a new 
standard for concert spectaculars. She is not the world’s 
most beautiful lady, nor the smartest, yet she has unsparing- 


Ace fashion photographer Steven Meisel gets down 
o shooting Madonna on a pink recliner. This erotic fan- 
asy must be the one in which Madonna imagines what 
it would be like to be married to Pee-wee Herman. 


ly applied her entrepreneurial 
acumen to become the world’s 
most famous woman. With Mei- 
sel as her latest girl toy, she is 
yet again upping the ante for 
those who would follow, making 
other so-called sex stars look 
like Barbara Bush. The Miami 
Beach book project is just one 
part of the American crotch- 
grabbing champ's multimedia 
assault Did you know that 
Madonna appears in two cur- 
rent movies, one (Shadows and 
Fog) by Woody Allen and one (4 
League of Their Own) about female hardballers? That she has 
been filming a third flick, a kinky thriller called Body of Evi- 
dence, co-starring Willem Dafoe, in which she plays a woman 
who so loves receiving and giving pain that she asks lovers to 
slap her and pours hot wax on naked men? And that she's 
working on a new album on which she reportedly takes an- 
other look at bondage and homosexuality? These are not 
new interests for Madonna. Her clothing or hair color can 
vary the way Malibu Barbie differs from Wedding Day Bar- 
bie—each incarnation achieving a certain plastic perfec- 
tion—but her basic instincts remain tried and true. From 
her concert homilies that celebrate the oft unprintable to her 
sexual interpretation of religious iconography, the divine M 
seems intent on sharing precisely what turns her on. The 
marketing principle is simple: People will pay to see and 
hear in public the same stuff that they're doing, or want to 
do, in private. Madonna, though, brings earnestness to her 
bag of tricks. You get the sense that she’s actually doing what 
she wants, not to shock us, but because it’s fun. We shall see. 
The album, the book of fantasies and the S/M movie are ten- 
tatively scheduled for release within weeks of one another, 
all part of what the Madonna camp calls The Body of Evidence 
Project. For this year's climax, the queen of the dare is con- 
templating another tour. How she will outdo last year’s per- 
formance—which included mimed masturbation and fella- 
tio—is beyond us. But if these shots ofa beautiful beach bum 
are the beginning ofa trend, we can't wait for her next move. 


84 


Last year, Madonna tiled her 
world tour Blond Ambitian. 
Guess that explains the 
formidable golden-tressed 
wig she's wearing. On these 
poges, the Material One 
‘communes on the 

beach with Meisel, Compbell 
and company. 


article by jerry stahl 


= 
< 
> 
N 
a 
= 


of the 
brain 


people 


THEY CLAIM 

SPECIAL MMMM! Oooh! Yes! Yes! Oh, God, yes! My 
mind, it feels so—I hate to gloat, but you 

PILLS ought to know, right off the bat—my 


mind feels so enhanced. Majorly en- 
hanced. I feel great. I feel productive. 1 
POWDERS feel like an intellectual titan operating at 
the absolute peak of my cognitive and 

AND DRINKS creative powers. 
Of course, I'm on drugs right now. 
Lots of drugs. I've been consuming large 
MAKE THEM quantities for weeks. But its OK. Irs 
research. We're not talking about any 


SMARTER. nasty, illicit and old-fashioned dumb 
drugs. No brain-shrinking cocaine, hemp, 
NOW THEY speed or opiate derivatives—your so- 


called recreationals. Who has time for 
recreation? The party’s over, folks. Fun 


WANT YOU was for the Eighties. The Nineties are 
about survival. And to survive, you have 
TO JUST to be smart. 


Its true. m sooner did we hit the 
Nineties than brains became hip. Right 
SAY YES out of the chute, the President dubbed 
this the Decade of the Brain. Bush even 
called his favorite weapons smart bombs. 
Lugs who had spent the last decade 
packing on lats and acting like Rambo 
started wearing wire-rims and trying 
to pass themselves off as Michael Kins- 
ley. Even the Marines, not known as a 
font of jumbo intellect, traded in their 


ILLUSTRATION BY GUY BILLOUT 


PLAYBOY 


88 


blood-and-brio pitch for an appeal to 
patriotic cognition. "To compete, you 
have to be strong. To win, you have to 
be smart.” 

Lucky for us, here at the dawn of the 
Enhanced-IQ Era, some of the planet's 
best entrepreneurs have found an an- 
swer to America’s yen for bigger brains. 
That answer is smart drugs. 

Smart drugs, for those who haven't 
succumbed to the egghead rage, is the 
term for a vast new breed of cerebral 
aids. Some are high-powered pharma- 
ceuticals; others are vitamins and nu- 
trients, often served as beverages at 
smart bars set up at the hippest clubs 
and parties in San Francisco, Los An- 
geles and New York. They all aim to 
empower a populace as hell-bent on 
boosting brainpower as it once was on 
pumping iron. Say goodbye to rippling 
muscles, say hello to a souped-up cere- 
bellum. It’s enough to make Nancy 
Reagan just say yes. 

Of course, Nancy would be pleased. 
Some of the mainstays of the brain- 
maker buffet are nootropic drugs, 
pharmaceuticals prescribed domesti- 
cally for that rumored ex-presidential 
malady, creeping senility. 

Although nootropics—the word 
means “acting on the mind”—are a 
new breed of pharmacological treats, 
their legacy can be traced back to Nazi 
Germany. Hitler was rumored to have 
put his finest scientists to work on sub- 
stances that fired up Aryan alertness. 
(Interestingly, methadone, originally 
called dolophine after Adolf himself, 
was developed at this time as a mor- 
phine substitute.) But not until the late 
Forties did the Swiss drug combine 
Sandoz stumble onto a substance that 
could actually make you smarter. 

Hydergine, as the wonder stuff was 
dubbed, originates from its own freak- 
ish source—ergot, the same cereal fun- 
gus that gave us LSD. It was discovered 
by the same scientist, Albert Hoffman, 
a man known and revered forever by 
heads as the Daddy of Acid. 

You're probably asking yourself how 
these miracle mind expanders actually 
work. Let me just imbibe a little of this 
tasty brain fodder and I'll tell you. 

Your brain operates as а sort of in- 
tracranial Western Union. Messages 
zap over the wires carried by chemicals 
called neurotransmitters. What smart 
pills supposedly do is stimulate such 
communication by mimicking natural- 
ly occurring substances known as 
nerve growth factors. These spark con- 
nections between Mr. Brain's nerve 
cells that are essential to learning and 
memory. Improved neurotransmission 
allows for enhanced gray-matter me- 
tabolism and, equally fortunate, pro- 
tection of brain cells from all manner of 


pollutants—both internal and exter- 
nal. (Don't I sound smart?) 

So far, American doctors restrict the 
use of brain boosters to sufferers of 
Alzheimer’s disease, dementia or seri- 
ous head injuries. On this side of the 
Atlantic, it’s not considered kosher to 
prescribe medicine to fix things that 
aren't broken. American physicians 
prefer to restrict their work to curing 
ills. European docs, by contrast, may 
prescribe mind enhancers to perfectly 
healthy and mentally sound patients 
who wish to become even more perfect 
and more mentally sound. 

Not surprisingly, the prospect of a 
whole new batch of potential cus- 
tomers—the already well—has phar- 
maceutical outfits rubbing their hands 
with glee. Hoffman-LaRoche, Smith 
Kline Beecham, Ciba-Geigy, Parke 
Davis and the rest of the drug compa- 
nies are investing heavily in nootropic 
research and development. Fortune 
magazine has even predicted that the 
biz could be worth more than $40 bil- 
lion by 1994. 

. 

Smart products fit into two basic 
modes: pharmaceuticals and health 
foods. The former require sending off 
to Europe for exotic nootropic treats or 
slipping south of the border to score 
busloads of IQ igniters in Nogales or 
"Tijuana. (In a 1088 directive, the FDA 
permitted plain folks to import their 
own prescription pills, provided they 
don't bring in more than a three- 
month supply. We wouldn't want some 
Ivy Leaguer peddling illicit skull fuel 
outside chess tournaments, would we?) 

Happily, the second part of the smart 
revolution involves nothing so crass or 
potentially dangerous as drugs Those 
who want to supplement their psyches 
sans the anti-Alzheimer’s pharmaceuti- 
cals can consume what are known as 
nutrients. In their trendiest incarna- 
tions, these are packaged and pedaled 
as smart drinks, since many of the non- 
medical neurotransmitter enhancers 
come in powdered form to be mixed in 
beverages. 

Unlike those smart drugs with som- 
ber monikers like hydergine or pira- 
cetam, smart drinks sport nonmedici- 
nal cute names. Does anything sound 
more stimulating than Energy Elick- 
shure, Psuper Psonic Psyber Tonic or 
Fast Blast? 

Whether makers opt to color their 
creations electric yellow or plain old 
mauve, what unites these neurore- 
freshers are their ingredients, a combo 
of vitamins and amino acids, plus, occa- 
sionally, a sizable dose of caffeine. 

Somewhere along the way, a schism 
developed among the ranks of smart- 
ies. At the square end, “cool”-wise ver- 


sus "uncool"-vise, are your traditional 
entrepreneurs, the get-2-leg-up-in-the- 
marketplace guys. Call these people 
the slavers: the suit-and-tie wing of 
the smart drugs movement. For the 
slavers, the whole point of these chem- 
icals is to help carnest yupsters get 
ahead injob land. 

Helming this bankable breed is 
young John Morganthaler. With an ex- 
Navy gerontologist named Ward Dean, 
Morganthaler wrote the movement 
bible, Smart Drugs and Nutrients: How to 
Improve Your Memory and Increase Your 
Intelligence Using the Latest Discoveries in 
Neuroscience. As the visionary who per- 
sonally dreamed up the term smart 
drug, Morganthaler bears as much re- 
semblance to a drug guru as Dan 
Quayle does to Charlie Manson. 

Morganthaler, in fact, looks like a 
Young Republican. His hair is parted 
Beaver Cleaver-style, his buttondown 
shirt is pressed just so. Sitting behind 
his computer in his San Francisco con- 
do, Morganthaler even keeps his socks 
neatly balled up and stuffed, side by 
side, in his Reeboks. He's the Ralph 
Nader of mental technology. His life 
has been devoted to the singular 
proposition that stupidity, like polio or 
shingles, is a disease and he's been put 
оп earth to help obliterate it. 

"Our athletes have been into this for 
a while,” he claims, his voice ringing 
with conviction. “I'm not just talking 
about steroids. There are lots of drugs 
that increase red-blood-cell produc- 
tion. It’s common for athletes to use 
megavitamin therapy. Anything they 
can use to enhance their performance, 
to get just a little bit of edge, is critical. 
What we are talking about is making 
ourselves better than what is consid- 
ered normal.” 

Edible mind fertilizers attract eager 
devotees. Take Mark Rennie, a night- 
club owner, attorney and entrepre- 
neur. Rennie is the man behind Smart 
Products, Incorporated, one of San 
Francisco's premiere nutrient compa- 
nies, San Francisco (or New Brainia, as 
smarties call it) is the hub of the smart 
cosmos. 

“When 1 think of taking smart 
drugs,” says Rennie, who appears on 
the chat-show circuit in a kind of 
Brainiac tag team with Morganthaler, 
“J feel like I'm upgrading a computer. 
Like going from a 286 chip to a 386.” 

Most days, Rennie can be found sil- 
houetted against the window of his top- 
floor office working deals and thought- 
fully gulping down handfuls of pills 
and powders. Indeed, minutes into an 
interview, it’s clear that Rennie is the 
embodiment of one man’s enhanced 
ability to fulfill his potential. He's the 

(continued on page 148) 


“It’s always good to get out of the kitchen, isn't t?" 


i^ 
LET 
= 4 


“The Army teaches you about 
equal opportunity,” says 
Amanda Hope (on the job, 
right). "It lets us know we're all 
green. So it doesn’t matter 
whot nationality you are or 
what rank is on your collor: 
You still hove to oct like c sol- 
dier. As for being a woman in 
the Army,” odds Amonda, "you 
have to do с good job—just 
like the guys. But that doesn't 
mean you car't be feminine. 
90 Military doesn't mean male.” 


MANDA HOPE settles back onto a large 
green duffel bag in the middle of a 
sidewalk in London's Chelsea district. 
It is not even eight am—damp fog 
still hangs in the air, a milk delivery truck 
roars by—but Amanda is already going a 
mile a minute. “My life's a dadgum circus,” 
says Miss July in her native Texan drawl— 
and there is some truth to that. Twelve hours 
earlier, Amanda had been in Germany, where 
she plays music for a living; at the moment, 
she sits outside a London photo studio, wait- 
ing patiently for it to open. By noon, she will 
be gloriously naked in front of Playboy cam- 
eras. All that is missing is the ringmaster. 
Amanda is in the U.S. Army, with the rank 
of specialist. She is stationed at Bad Kreuz- 
nach, Germany—40 miles from Frankfurt, in 
the heart of vineyard country—where she is a 
clarinetist with the First Armored Division 
band. Admiuedly, this is not your typical 
photo shoot (soldiers on leave usually don't 
spend precious R&R hours beneath hot 
studio lamps). Amanda, though, takes it all in 
stride. In fact, she insists, there's a certain 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY 
BYRON NEWMAN 


ten-hut! eyes right for amanda hope—the pride of the u.s. army 


OLDIER -GIRE 


similarity to being a soldier and 
being a Playmate. *For both, you 
need discipline, pride and confi- 
dence,” she says. “You also have 
to maintain a high standard of 
appearance, do a good job and 
Pay attention to detail. And, yes, 
you have to be all that you can 
be.” Amanda Hope was born on 
August 23, 1969, in Austin, 
Texas, but was raised in the tiny 
city of Cameron. The eighth of 
nine foster children, Amanda 
says her adoption almost didn’t 
happen. "Right before I came 
along, my parents decided to 
stop taking in foster kids, mainly 
because it was so hard to give 
them up. Then one day, they got 
a phone call from someone at the 
agency who said, ‘We have a little 
girl here who needs a whole lot 
of love.’ My parents said, 'O 

bring her over. Dad tells me it 
was love at first sight.” Her child- 
hood in Cameron, says Amanda, 
was uneventful and wholesome. 
“I was churchgoing, kind of an 
oddball and very shy.” And dat- 
ing? Amanda just laughs. “I was 
Miss Stay-at-home-and-wait-for- 
the-phone-to-ring. But then I 


found music.” Having played the 
piano since the fourth grade, 
Amanda officially became a 
"band weirdo" when she was 11, 


үч 
3 
~ 
1 
T 
da ~ - ДЕН” È 


joining her school’s ensemble. The clarinet was her instrument of choice ("We had one 
in the attic”). It was after graduation from high school that Amanda and the Army 
found each other. "A friend from the school band gave my name to an Army recruiter, 
who tracked me down at the public library. I was reading fashion magazines. He sug- 
gested I try out for the Army band." Amanda breezed through the audition, enlisted 
in the Army and took to each new adventure with her trademark enthusiasm—from 
basic training at Fort Jackson in South Carolina (“It was the kind of fitness training 
I never had in high school. I always skipped gym (text concluded on page 158) 


a” 


CENTERFOLD PHOTOGRAPHY BY ARNY FREYTAG 


Despite her globe-trotiing, Aman- 
do is still a Texan at heart. Why 
the love affair with the Lone Star 
State? “Oh, man, you gatta be 
from Texas to understand it. It's 
olways warm there—the weather 
and the people.” Meanwhile, 
Amanda has warmed nicely to her 
new career as a madel. “When | 
was a kid, nobody saw the person 
inside of me—o person who was 
pretty and maybe even sexy. | 
guess Playboy saw her.” Right. 


“Ж 


PLAYMATE DATA SHEET 


nae: Arm Hope. 
sus: 35 warst: 25 mrs: Ey 
HEIGHT: Ue en _133 lbs. _ 


BIRTH DATE: Sr жш Austin, Taras 
AMBITIONS: and di cb с лт 
2 a hl 2 ma aye q © 2 е а Saga: 


for me ле ыыы music.‏ ا 


TURN-OFFS: 


рее wha abuse dress men ибо care abet _ 

using, peratechon; cold rooms ingles e) ple conics and rem 
FAVORITE SWEETS: — Hue ll homemade vanilla, triple choc, choc. dec — 
калу кши сыналуы ME Sa DE 


FAVORITE MUSICIANS: Zac La Bac b d еда 
Gaye (on Den 


BEST THINGS ABOUT THE U.S. ARMY: 


< = 


Can-eat Sn at the chow hall and LEAVE TIME!!! 


IDEAL MAN: wer Qu nas 


PLAYBOY’S PARTY JOKES 


How do you go about seeing the official bird 
of New York City? Cut somebody off 


A young man went into a drugstore to shop 
for condoms for the first time. The druggist 
suggested the economy pack—three for a dol. 
lar. The kid agreed. The druggist rang up the 
sale “That'll be one dollar and eight cents." 
“You said three for a dollar,” the kid com- 
plained. “What's the eight cents for?" 
“Tax,” replied the druggi: 
"This confused the kid even more. He finally 
asked, "Don't they stay on by themselves? 


What's the difference between a lawyer and a 
hooker? A hooker will stop screwing you once 
you're dead. 


Two golfing buddies, one an ophthalmologist, 
had been playing together for years. One day, 
as a joke, the eye doctor gave his friend a pair 
of sports glasses with one concave and one con- 
vex lens. In spite of seeing two of everything— 
one big and one small—his friend played bet- 
ter than usual by simply hitting the small ball 
with the big club 

Alter nine holes, the spectacled player went 
to the rest room. When he returned, the front 
of his pants was wet. "What happened, old 
buddy?" the doctor asked. 

“Well, there I was with one big dick and one 
small опе," he explained, “so | just put the 
small one back, ‘cause 1 knew it wasn't mine.” 


What do you get when you 
music backward? New Age mu: 


lay New Age 


A. the conclusion of services, only the two rab- 
bis and the janitor remai le. 
The men of the cloth sat quietly in meditation 
while the janitor swept up. Rabbi Abrams, 
am the chief rabbi here,” one said softly, "but 
in the eyes of God, I am nothing." 

In a moment, the other rabbi also 
Rabbi Goldman, am the assistant ral 
he said, “but in the eyes of God, Lam not 

The janitor stopped sweeping. “1, Juan Gon- 
zales, am the janitor Less ‚he said, "but in the 
eyes of God, I am nothi 

The two rabbis Жїз сө up. "Look, ii 
one, nudging the other, "who thinks he's 
nothing." 


A brunette, a redhead and a blonde were 
waiting to see their obstetrician. Trying to 
make conversation, the brunette said, “I'm go- 
ing to have a boy. I'm sure of it because I was 
on top." 

The redhead said, “I know I'm going to 
have a girl. I'm sure because | was on the 
bottom,” 

The blonde suddenly burst into tears. The 
other women tried to comfort her and asked 
what was wrong. 

“I think I'm going to have puppies,” she 
sobbed. 


The mothers of four priests were boasting of 
their sons’ accomplishments. "My son is a 
monsignor,” said the first. "When he enters a 
room, people say, "Hello, Monsignor.” 

‘Well, my son is a bishop," added the sec- 
ond. “When he enters a room, people say, 
"Hello, Your Excellency.” 

“Ah, but mine is a cardinal,” said the third. 
“When he enters a room, people say, "Hello, 
Your Eminence.'” 

‘The fourth woman thought for a moment 
“My son is six foot ten and three hundred 
pounds!" she proudly exclaimed. "When he 
enters a room, people say, ‘Oh, my God." 


A drank was hunched over the bar, trying to 
spear the olive in his martini with a toothpick 
A dozen times he poked, a dozen times the 
olive eluded him. Finally, another patron who 
had been watching from the next stool 
grabbed the toothpick. 

“Неге, this is how you do it," he said as he 
easily skewered the olive 

“Big deal," muttered the drunk. “1 already 
had him so tired he couldn't get away." 


The young lady w 
her new lover's pe 
the world’s м 

I think not 
great a coinc 


obviously displeased with 


That would be too 


he replied. * 


lence.” 


Heard a funny one lately? Send it on а post- 
card, please, to Party jokes Editor, Playboy, 
680 North Lake Shore Drive, Chicago, Ulinois 
60611. $100 will be paid to the contributor 
whose card is selected. Jokes cannot be returned. 


ага А A < Ч 


SURFERS NIGHTMARE №154. “SUMO SURE 


103 


CEE 
е 


Y 


her eyes found yours 

and you smiled. so did 
she. you had a 
little game going 


% Cary South 


‘THERE YOU WERE, celebrating your sev- 
enth wedding anniversary in a restau- 
rant uptown. Your wife, who could not 
have looked better with her freshly cut 
hair and rose-petal complexion, had 
been describing her day at school, 
where she teaches Far East Asian histo- 
ry at one of the city's universities. Not 
yet 30 and already tenured, she has 
advanced remarkably fast. You, on the 
other hand, have lost momentum. You 
work for one of the big auction houses, 
an expert in the Chinese department, 
where you have been ensconced longer 
than you have been married. The job 
may appear glamourous, but the pay is 
a disgrace. You had intended to stay 
only long enough to learn your wade 
and develop a rapport with important 
collectors and dealers By now you 
should have established a gallery of 
your own, you should have been flying 
to Hong Kong every three or four 
weeks to buy rare objects. Anniver- 
saries remind you that ime does not 
stand still, even if you do. 

But you were not thinking such 
thoughts as you sat in the restaurant 
and happily listened to your wife tell 
you about her day. You had just or- 
dered and were waiting for drinks 
when you noticed a suiking young 
woman being led by the maître d' to a 
nearby table. The woman was Thai or 
possibly Vietnamese. She was alone. 
She studied the menu for several min- 
utes, and when she finally looked up, 
her eyes met yours and you knew you 


had been caught staring. The woman 
smiled as if amused. You smiled, too, 
though your smile was different from 
hers. You felt misunderstood. Granted, 
the woman was stunning. Her straight 
black hair framed a face as flawless as a 
Qing monochrome. But the reason you 
were staring had less to do with the 
woman's allure than with how she was 
dressed. In fact, you had wanted to tell 
your wife, whose back was to the wom- 
an, to turn around and look at that— 
the celadon-green slip-dress the wom- 
an was wearing. The dress was elegant 
and understated and really quite short, 
but more to the point, it was identical 
to your wife's dress, That's right, the 
same dress, indistinguishable from the 
one you gave your wife as an anniver- 
sary present, the one you bought on 
impulse and that cost more than a 
month's rent. 

Anyway, your staring had a purpose. 

Your wife, meanwhile, had moved 
оп to another topic of conversation. 
You did not mention the dress. The 
moment had passed. You listened po- 
litely, but as you listened, your gaze im- 
perceptibly shifted. It was quite easy to 
look at your wife and at the same time 
to look past her shoulder. You waited 
for the other woman, the celadon lady, 
to see you. Contact, even if misunder- 
stood, had already been made, and 
when her eyes found your own, you 
smiled. So did she. There, now you 
had a little game going. You sipped 
your drink, which had finally arrived, 
and could not help observing the 
celadon lady's legs beneath the table. 
She may not have realized that from 
your vantage, you could see her dress 
riding high on her thighs. 

“Anyone home?” your wife asked. 

“Sorry,” you said. “I was thinking 
about work. Please, go on.” 

Apparently, there had been an arti- 
de in the morning paper about the 
Tesurgence of necromancy in rural 
China. This was a subject your wife 
was familiar with, having lectured on 
necromancers and their place in the 
hierarchy of the Han dynasty. Necro- 
mancy, she reminded you, for China 
was your province, too, was an ancient 
method of forecasting the future. You 
nodded and meant to pay closer atten- 
tion, but as fate would have it, the 
celadon lady crossed her legs and her 
dress drifted higher. This may not have 
been the most comfortable position, for 
almost immediately, she uncrossed her 
legs and the dress shot higher still and 
your eyes widened. 

You were delighted with the view, yet 
at the same time felt unsettled. The 
celadon lady seemed to be exposing 
herself to you. Might this have been 
accidental? You thought not. She was 
showing too much in too calculated a 


ILLUSTRATION BY JOHN RUSH 


way. You did not know whether to look 
into her eyes or to peek at her long 
legs. In either case, she had you. 

But you did not have her. The no- 
tion came to you that you were being 
challenged. You might possess the 
celadon lady if only you could figure 
cut how to get her. When you were cer- 
tain you had her cye, you gestured, 
ever so slightly, with your head. Your 
gesture said, Meet me over there. 

You told your wife you would be 
right back, that you had to use the 
bathroom. You walked toward the bar, 
turned left and headed down the corri- 
dor to the lavatory. Any second now, 
you would hear the celadon ladys 
heels clicking on the hardwood floor. 
"This is crazy, you thought, but you 
were grinning. 

Five minutes later, your buoyant 
mood had taken on ballast. The wom- 
an had not materialized and your 
hopes were fading fast. Would your 
hands never touch what your eyes had 
seen? Would your lips never kiss the 
delicate fold between the celadon la- 
dy's legs? Something had gone wrong. 
Why, you wondered, would she display 
herself in such a provocative fashion, 
only to leave you stranded in a dark 
corridor beside a bathroom door? 
Maybe she had been annoyed that your 
wife wore a dress that was identical to 
her own. Or mayhe there had been a 
misunderstanding. 

Minutes passed and you remem- 
bered with sudden panic that your wife 
was waiting. It was then that a wave of 
shame passed through you. Here you 
had been perfectly content with the 
woman you married on this date seven 
years ago, an accomplished woman 
who also happened to be attractive and 
stylish in her own right. A stranger ap- 
peared from out of nowhere, an Asian 
beauty who may or may not have delib- 
erately hiked her dress, and your brain 
got an erection, you lost your head. 

So you returned to your table, chas- 
tened by your bad behavior The 
celadon lady could have stood on top 
of her chair and pulled up her dress to 
her throat and you would not have 
risen to the occasion. You felt dead 
down below. You felt dead all over. 

It is your wife who brings you back to 
life, an hour later, in the seclusion of 
your apartment. Perfumed and eager, 
she leads you to bed and slips the knot 
from your tie with a practiced hand. 
You unzip her dress and gather her 
your fice muzsled in the soft: Bashy 
pocket between her neck and shoulder. 
You are already forgetting the celadon 
lady. Here in the bedroom you begin 
again, and by caressing the familiar, 
you find what you had never lost. 


> 
A 


HIT MEN! 


fashion 
By HOLLIS WAYNE 


OLYMPIC GOLD 
MEDALISTS 
SCORE BIG 

FASHION POINTS 

ON THE BEACH 


OU wowr FIND any cheeky 

"check me out" thongs in this 

collection of swimwear—these 
suits are built to perform. To prove just 
how tough and practical they are, we 
brought 1988 gold-medal winners 
Scott Fortune, Doug Partie and Eric 
Sato, plus three members of the U.S 
national men’s volleyball team, to the 
net in Mission Beach, California. Here 
and on the next four pages, these 1992 
gold-medal hopefuls bump, set and 
spike their way into peak fashion form. 
The trunks they're wearing are the lat- 
est look: mid-thigh length with a gath- 
ered waist, pleated front and extra- 
wide legs for better moyement. Most 
are made of a sturdy fabric called Sup- 
plex, which feels as soft as cotton yet 
dries more quickly. Colors are bright 
but not as jazzy as last year's neon. And 
prints have a cool retro appeal. Wear a 


pair with a loose tank top. Your serve. 


Left: Toking on two of his teammates is 
Scott Fortune (center) of Laguna Beach, 
California, wearing Supplex swim trunks 
with a retro fish print, by Club Sportswear, 
$35; a cotton tank top, by Russell, about 
$10; and a cotton twill baseball cop, by 
Lids, $26. His opponents (far and near left) 
Gre sporting turquoise Supplex swim 
trunks, by Jantzen, 527; and Supplex swim 
trunks, by Jimmy'Z, $32; with a cotton 
jersey, by Jackey International, about $7. 
Right: Carlos Briceno, from California's 
Fountain Valley area, guards the net in 
nylon Tactel swim trunks, by Body Glove, 
$26; and a cotton tank top, by Speedo 
America, $18; plus sunglasses, by Oakley, 
$125; and a diving watch, by Swatch, $50. 


Left: Bryan Ivie of Manhattan Beach, California, goes high for 
the spike in a pair of nylon taffeta volley-cut swim trunks with 
multicolored abstract print, nylon mesh liner and elastic draw- 
string waist, $36, and a cotton jersey tank top, $15, both by 
Nike; plus antiglare mirrored sunglasses, by Oakley, about 
$130. Right: Lone Star State volleyball star Uvalde Acosta, an 
El Paso native, is in gold-medal form wearing nylon Supplex 
swim trunks with black-and-white racing stripes and elastic 
drawstring waist, by O'Neill, about $30; and a cotton tank top 
with double-stitched neck, armholes and bottom, by Russell, $9. 


Below: Nothing gets by Santo Berbera, Colifornio, superstar 
Doug Partie, who blocks the point in a color-blocked sleeveless 
cotton jersey boseball vest, by Cross Colours, $36; and nylon 
volley-cut swim trunks with inside drawstring waist, on-seom 
pockets and nylon mesh liner, by Russell, $17. Right: Diving for 
the ball is all in a doy's work for Eric Sato of бота Monica, 
Californic. His beach gorb includes nylon Supplex volley-cut 
swim trunks with elostic drowstring woist, on-seam pockets and 
logo on front and back panels, by Mossimo, about $35; and 
а cotton tonk top with sundial logo, by Club Sportswear, $13. 


Where & How to Buy on page 167. 


112 


BOY PROFILE 


THE 
MAN 
WHO 
WOULD 
NOT 
RUN 


HE WAS, perfectly, himself. The chartered planes were fueled 
and ready to take the governor of Nev York to New Hamp- 
shire when, bruised and weary, citing his obligation to solve 
his state's fiscal crisis, the man many regarded as the last best 
hope of the Democratic Party said no. “I wish I could see it 
another way,” he said. “This is not a comfortable analysis for 
me, to be honest with you—and I can make a case for about 
anything. I tried to make myself come out better on this. I 
just didr't succeed." 

There it was—I can make a case for about anything. I just 
didn't succeed —the hint of self-mockery, the self-effacement 
so closely braided with self-assertiveness that it is sometimes 
hard to tell them apart. He spoke, in his hour of renuncia- 
tion, with eloquence for “the big steelworker with the thick 
fingers,” for the “disoriented, disadvantaged, disaffected, 
the poor,” whom he has always seemed to understand, hav- 
ing come from their ranks, better than other men in public 
life. He spoke with the vivid wit, the passion and parrying 
that have been for him a double-edged sword. His elo- 
quence had purchased the love of idealists and the admira- 
tion of pragmatists. It had brought him to this place of 
eminence from which he spoke, with frankness uncharacter- 
istic of a politician, of his failure to solve New York’s prob- 
lems and of his stern decision not to run away to seek “a still 
higher perch. You fail at that level—OK, you failed.” 

"IE I had stayed . . . I keep thinking that if 1 had stayed in 
baseball. . . . I wonder if I'd have made money.” It was an 
odd moment. He was musing aloud, almost as if he were in 
an empty room. “What you need,” he said, “is a message. 
‘There are plenty of messages out there to deliver. What you 
need is someone who can deliver the good message. They 
have at least six good potential . . . messengers.” 

Between the word potential and the word messengers 
there was a long pause—I counted 
eight seconds—as he appeared to be 


he could have 


been a contender, 


but the 


remarkable 


mario cuomo has 


something else on his mind 


gazing inwardly, perhaps regarding the qualities of the 
“messengers,” disregarding the audience whose pulse he 
usually takes so expertly. I was reminded of the time he told 
a reporter that life would be much easier if one could, like 
Saint Paul, who brought the Gospel to the gentiles, be visit- 
ed blindingly by God and set on his path. 

A reporter asked him a question unlikely to be put to a 
politician of another stripe: What did you read last night to 
help you make your decision? A little bit of Saint Francis de 
Sales, he said, and Teilhard de Chardin, and a book of 
quotes and Groliers Encyclopedia—" which I recommend to 
you if you're tired of the Britannica, if you don't like the 
British spelling, if you don't like small print, if you don't 
like exouc birds, and you want to get closer to the heart 
of the matter.” 

The greatest fear of Saint Francis de Sales was that he 
would be misunderstood. “Do not wish to be anything but 
what you are—but be that perfectly,” he wrote. 

I wondered what, in particular, Cuomo had read from 
Teilhard de Chardin, his spiritual mentor, a Jesuit who was 
also a scientist, a paleontologist who loved the world. I set- 
Цей on this passage from The Divine Milieu: 


The task assigned to us is to climb toward the light. . . . 
That which is good, sanctifying and spiritual for my 
brother below or beside me on the mountainside can be 
material, misleading or bad for me. What I rightly al- 
lowed myself yesterday, I must perhaps deny myself to- 
day. . . . In other words, the soul can only rejoin God 
after having traversed a specific path through matter. . .. 
Each one of us has his Jacob's ladder. 


Among members of the press, the search for meaning be- 
yond the apparent and evident meaning of the governor's 
words goes on and on. I believe what he 


By Barbara Grizzuti Harrison says, and I believe he felt that Friday 


ILLUSTRATION BY DAM LEVINE. 


PLAYBO!Y 


114 


that he was on the rung of the ladder 
where duty and responsibility had 
obliged him to stop. 

All in all, on a day that brought me 
no joy, he exercised what Teilhard calls 
“that precise concentrated particularity 
which makes up so much of the warm 
charm of human persons.” 

. 

That charm was much in evidence 
when 1 met him several months before 
his announcement on Black Friday. 

He was thinking aloud about Sophia 
Loren. The governor of New York—in 
whom asceticism and love of the sensi- 
ble world, ceremoniousness and sar- 
casm, are nicely wedded—is sitting be- 
hind his desk in the state capitol. The 
spatulate fingers of his enormous, well- 
groomed baseball player's hands are 
splayed out оп the desk that used to be- 
long to Franklin Delano Roosevelt. He 
is putting a problem to a visiting pho- 
tographer. Why is it, Mario Cuomo 
wants to know, that a woman whose 
features are almost disfiguringly large— 
“her nose is too big, her mouth is too 
big, she База man’s hands"—looks per- 
fect in photographs, and is in fact so 
beautiful. Taken separately, her fea- 
tures don’t work. Together they add up 
to something remarkable. He might 
almost have been holding the mirror 
to himself. 

Cuomo's own gestures are large. His 
nose is large and his mouth is large and 
his deep-set, large, dark, baggy eyes 
are dramatically hooded. The defining 
lines of his fleshy 60-year-old face are 
so deeply etched one feels one could 
read him like braille. He owns a whole 
lot of oversized character and person- 
ality traits that ought to cancel one an- 
other out, but that alchemized together 
in him are something remarkable. 

He is the most formidable and the 
most glamourous man I have ever met. 

It would almost certainly surprise 
him to be described іп this way. He says 
women like his face "because I'm safe. I 
was the perfect guy to marry. Yes sir. 1 
look like somebody's uncle. Maybe ev- 
erybody has a good face but me. I have 
a good hook shot. Forget about it." 

It surprises me to be describing an 
elected official in this way. I am not 
alone in finding it impossible to be in 
Mario Cuomo's company without ac- 
tively desiring his approval. He in- 
spires a desire to know him and to be 
known by him, which may be one of 
the reasons members of the press act 
personally aggrieved when they think 
the governor is less than forthcoming. 
“The single best rule for the intelligent 
conduct of life and society is love,” he 
once wrote, The conviction that this 
politician actually lives by this dictum is 
irresistible—you can't help wanting а 
piece of it. 


° 

Da-da-da-da-da-da-dum-dum. Cuomo 
is humming a jingle. “What's that?” he 
says. “Mary Noble, Backstage Wife or 
Helen Trent? Dida-ling-ding-ding-ding. 
Who was that? Just Plain Bill or Lorenzo 
Jones and His Wife Belle? ‘Who knows 
what evil lurks in the hearts of men? 
The Shadow knows.’ Who drove the 
car for the Shadow? Who was his girl- 
friend? Margot. Lamont Cranston and 
Margot. I'm an expert on the radio 
soaps. Jack Armstrong. The a-a-a-ll- 
American boy. 'Have you tried Wheat- 
ies?” A kid in Queens, he was listen- 
ing to The Shadow when Pearl Harbor 
was bombed. 

. 

I grew up in Bensonhurst, Brooklyn. 
The governor grew up in Jamaica, 
Queens. I am Italian. He is Italian. I 
read his gestures with enormous plea- 
sure. They are the language of my 
childhood, the language my father 
spoke, the language my brother 
speaks. Cuomo's appetite for religious 
meaning and tradition speak to me, 
too: God doesn't appear in dinner con- 
versations very often. Later it will be 
suggested that he manipulated me, 
making much of my Italianness, his 
Italianness. I don’t think so (in any case, 
it takes two to play this game). I think 
his charm is intuitive, not calculated. I 
don't feel manipulated After all, it's a 
nice human instinct to meet a person 
on grounds where you think you stand 
the greatest chance of connecting. He 
touches you at that point where you 
will feel individually acknowledged 
and enriched. He addresses himself to 
what is unique in you. 

. 

Аз a writer, he is admirably precise. 
His speeches, at once lofty and collo- 
quial, are models of lucidity and imme- 
diacy that speak to the heart and to the 
viscera as well as to the cultivated 
mind. His published diaries are used as 
textbooks in urban-affairs classes. He 
wrote his own television commercials 
during the gubernatorial campaign. 
But he is singularly easy to misquote 
because his words owe everything to 
context. Cuomo often talks in semantic 
arabesques—if you don’t actually see 
the commas and the quotation marks 
that indicate he has set up a dialog with 
an imaginary Other for your edifi- 
cation, it's easy to distort his meaning 
or to hang him with his own words. His 
voice, a beautiful, expressive instru- 
ment, often contradicts his words, as 
an actor’s will, to make a point. This 
can be confounding if you're not pay- 
ing dose attention. His razzle-dazzle 
speaking style and his verbal ellipses 
are jam for the press. But he retreats, 
when you least expect it, into sudden 


reticence. An iron curtain of introver- 
sion shuts over his personality; like 
many people who talk a lot, he is less 
accessible than his manner suggests. A 
very private public man, he is contem- 
plative and meditative, as often high on 
silence as he is on gab. 

He prides himself on being prudent 
in action, judicious. He is also combat- 
ive and—his detractors say—prickly 
and impatient. He is clothed in power, 
yet he says he has always been an out- 
sider, a man who "takes power too seri- 
ously to be totally comfortable with 
it . . . always feels out of place . . . just a 
little incongruous: a baseball player, 
professor, campaigner, politician, fa- 
ther, husband—always a little too 
round for a square opening, or a little 
too square.” 

He once said, “I don’t enjoy waving 
at strangers—I feel as though I’m pre- 
suming on them.” Try to imagine an- 
other politician saying that. 


° 
"Madonna? What do I think of 
Madonna? She's nice if you like 
Madonna. Me, I like Merle Oberon. 
Robert Mapplethorpe, who's Map- 
plethorpe, what am I supposed to 
think of him? That's what I think." He 
shrugs and scratches the underside of 
his chin and extends his palm in an 
Italian gesture both economic and 
symphonic, usually accompanied by a 
HARE exin Езра: “bo 
me a favor. People think I'm cursing 
when I do that. ‘I saw you on televi- 
sion. You did that to curse someone.” 

“Tell them"—his press aide, Tom 
Conroy, and a photographer, Harry 
Benson—"what it means." Untranslat- 
able, it means (roughly) So what? Do 
Icare? 

"What does this mean?" He makes a 
gesture with his forefinger and little 
finger extended. I think it signifies 
the evil eye. "No. No. Cornuto. Now 
you're gonna learn something, now 
you're gonna thank me; after all this is 
over, you're gonna say, 'One thing this 
guy did for me, he taught me some- 
thing I never knew and 1 should have 
known because I was from Benson- 
hurst. This is cornuto, horns. You are 
the horned one, you are the goat, you 
are the cuckolded one, you have been 
made a fool of." 

"The men's movement, what's that? 
There's a men's movement? As in 
male/female? Hey, Tom, did you know 
there was a men's movement? What 
the hell is a men's movement? Ask me 
another question. How the hell did I 
miss the men's movement?" He looks 
pleased as punch to have missed it. 

What century would 1 like to have 
lived in? The Nineteenth. Why? Be- 
cause it's the only опе I know. You 

(continued on poge 132) 


“The most incredible piece of luck, Karen—Ms. Bixby is a marriage counselor!" 


ns 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY RICHARD FEGLEY 


HERES NO mistaking July, the zenith of summer. Baseball 

takes its All-Star break. Heat waves penetrate the sand, 

turning beachgoers into Club MTV dancers. And you fre- 

quently fill your tall collins glass with an ice-cold mixed 
drink. But whether you choose vodka, gin, light rum or tequila— 
or even bourbon or dark rum—as your base, keep one mixing rule 
of thumb in mind: the 


better the spirit, the better 
the result. For a few extra 
dollars, the top-of-the-line 
brands will intensify the 


flavor of such summer sips 


as gin and tonic, rum and б А 
ES when things heat up, cool down with a 


i SEO arisen classic summer thirst quencher 
iris, = 
garitas. For example, two drink by F. PAUL PACULT 


ounces of a superpremium 


tequila, such as Cuervo 1800 or Sauza Conmemorativo, mixed 
with one and a half ounces of lime juice and a half ounce of triple 
sec and served in a glass liberally rimmed with coarse salt will result 
in a margarita legendaria. 

"Iropical drinks are as eye-catching as they are refreshing. One 
can only imagine how some of their names; such as Trader Vic's 
famous Suffering Bastard, came about. For example, Swimming 
Ashore for the Songs of Sunrise is made by blending three ounces 
of grapefruit juice, half-ounce portions each of orange juice and 
triple sec, one and a half ounces of dark rum and two teaspoons of 
grenadine. Another drink, created at the Grand Hyatt Wailea Re- 
sortand Spa's Humuhumunukunukuapua'a restaurant (try saying 
that after two), is the Beach Bummin', which combines three quar- 
ters of an ounce each of vodka and Chambord with three to four 
ounces of passion-fruit juice and lots of ice. 

The venerable gin and tonic has been a warm-weather choice 
since the days when the sun never set on the Union Jack. C & Ts 
are dramatically improved by the herbal flavors of top London dry 
gins such as Beefeater's, Tanqueray or Bombay Sapphire. The 
original Singapore sling, a gin-based long drink appreciated 
around the globe, contains one ounce each of gin, cherry brandy 
and Benedictine and four ounces of club soda over ice. It's perfect 
for that slow boat to Catalina on a sunny day. 

Vodka, eastern Europe's crystalline calling card, has gained 
deserved fame as the foundation of such summertime standards 
as screwdrivers and bloody marys. But an adventurous new 
generation of vodka aficionados has given rise to this bone-dry 
crowd pleaser: Mix a premium or (concluded on page 146) 


18 


video and computer 
action is back with 
a vengeance. this 
time the big boys are 
playing, too 


IDEO GAMES have made more 

comebacks than the Terminator. 

They soared in 1980 and came 

crashing down like a dud Scud 
three years later because of a glut of 
boring choices. Now they're back, in a 
multibillion-dollar-a-year way, and the 
new generation of titles is anything but 
kid stuff In fact, the 16-bit game sys- 
tems (more powerful than the original 
eight-bit versions), as well as many com- 
puter games, bring you as close to arcade 
action as possible without the need for a 
bucketful of quarters. Thanks to expand- 
ed computing power, game programmers 
can now choose more colors, design amaz- 
ingly intricate obstacles, add increased 
levels of difficulty and create screen im- 
ages that look almost three-dimensional. 
The sound quality is better, too. Voices, 


crashes and crowd roars are much more 


modern living by DAVID ELRICH 


ILLUSTRATION BY JOHN KURTZ 


PLAYBOY 


realistically rendered. 

Currently, there are three 16-bit 
video-game systems available for hook- 
up to TV sets: Super Nintendo (SNES), 
Sega Genesis and NEC TurboGrafx. 
Also available is SNK’s Neo-Geo. This 
24-bit system has the most overwhelm- 
ing graphics, but at $600 (compared 
with less than $200 for the competi- 
tion), it’s also the most expensive. Neo- 
Geo game titles are priced higher as 
well, at about $180 versus $30 to $70. 

In terms of computer games, prices 
range from $50 to $95 for CD-ROM 
entries. For the best experience, get 
at least a $86 central-processing unit 
equipped with one megabyte of RAM, 
VGA graphics, a mouse (or joystick) 
and a sound board (such as the Sound 
Blaster included in Winning Gear on 
page 140). 

In general, video games today tend 
to be faster-paced and more engaging. 
You start playing Joe Montana II and, 
three hours later, you're still tossing 
touchdown passes. They're also less in- 
timidating. You don’t have to be a com- 
puter whiz to play video games. Just 
pop the cartridge into the console and 
you're of. Controllers are casier to 
master, too. With computers, you either 
buy an optional joystick, use the key- 
board (and move at a snail's pace) or 
maneuver the mouse—a challenge in 
itself. On the other hand, the large 
memory capacity of computers allows 
for incredibly complex, lifelike games. 
Flight simulators, for example, are re- 
markably realisic—you actually feel 
like you're in the cockpit of a Stealth 
bomber. And while computer games 
tend to slow down the system, you have 
the option of installing them and then 
deleting them after you've finished 
playing. 

Still, selecting a system is the easy 
part. The tricky part is sorting through 
all the games. Since the packaging is 
often much more exciting than the 
games themselves, the following guide 
to video-PC action should help you 
separate the men from the toys. 


SPORTS 


Of the dozens of games introduced 
every month, sports titles are by far 
the biggest sellers. Among the best 
is Sega's Joe Montana II: Sports Talk 
Football for Genesis. Although it's 
graphically similar to other 16-bit foot- 
ball titles, Montana II stands helmets 
above the competition thanks to an 
announcer who reviews all the action. 
When the quarterback drops back to 
pass, for example, the digitized voice 
describes the play you've called and 
the outcome (completion, interception 
and so on). The game lets you choose 
teams, weather, turf and strategy, as 
well as the length of each quarter. It 


even shows close-ups during instant re- 
plays. John Madden Football for SNES 
and John Madden Football '92 for 
Genesis (both from Electronic Arts) al- 
so offer great action. And Accolade's 
Mike Ditka Power Football for Genesis 
and Mike Ditka Ultimate Football for 
IBM compatibles have terrific sound 
tracks filled with crunching tackles. 

In a league all its own is 2020 Super 
Baseball. Available for Neo-Geo, it's à 
futuristic game played by men, women 
and robots. The characters are huge 
(like armor-clad Jose Cansecos). Real- 
istic crowd noises add to the fun. 
There's no competition here—the rest 
of the baseball games are strictly little 
league. 

Hockey fans can gear up for the 
Stanley Cup with NHL Hockey from 
Electronic Arts for Genesis. This one- 
or two-player game offers a choice of 
21 NHL teams and two All-Star squads. 
Scouting reports and instant replays 
are available, and sound effects include 
body checks, pucks sliding over the ice 
and players smashing into the boards. 

Two new golf games, Electronic Arts’ 
PGA Tour Golf and Nintendo's Waialac 
Country Club Golf, both for SNES, are 
worth a couple of rounds. Up to four 
can play PGA and two can tee up in 
Waialae. While birds chirp in the back- 
grounds of both, players choose clubs 
and hack away. PGA Tour Golf has a 
choice of four courses and less you 
compete against any of 60 PGA Tour 
pros, induding Fuzzy Zoeller and Paul 
Azinger. Pressing the controller deter- 
mines the power of the stroke in both 
games. There are different lies and a 
chance to look at a 3-D grid of the 
green to determine the best way to 
putt. Sink a birdie and the crowd 
cheers; miss and groans fill the air. An 
older version for Genesis is just as 
much fun. A new game from Tradewest 
for SNES, Jack Nicklaus Golf, is also a 
smart pick. 

For the PCs, there are two stand- 
out programs—Links: The Challenge 
of Golf from Access and Accolade's Jack 
Nicklaus’ Golf & Course Design: Signa- 
ture Edition. Both are realistic (thanks 
to additional computer memory) and 
use digitized photos for the players and 
backgrounds. The Nicklaus game even 
allows weekend duffers to design their 
own courses and to match their play 
against the Bear himself. 

Instead of tennis elbow, tennis finger 
may be the new ache of the Nineties. 
Top games here include Nintendo's 
Super Tennis for SNES and Davis Cup 
Tennis for TurboGrafx. Super Tennis 
has wonderful sound effects and offers 
a choice of three surfaces, tournament- 
level play and а chance to team up with 
the computer against a pair of rivals or 
with another human against the ma- 


chine. Davis Cup has an imaginative 
horizontal split screen showing the 
perspectives of opposing players. 

Neo-Geo's Soccer Brawl is a kick— 
literally. One or two players compete in 
a futuristic, magnetically enclosed sta- 
dium where wall shots are possible and 
there are no penalties for fouls. Not 
only does anything go, but players on 
the seven-man teams can also save for 
killer power shots. 

Surprisingly, basketball has not 
reached the tech levels of other sports 
titles. The best game is Bulls vs. Lakers 
and the NBA Playoffs (Electronic Arts 
for Genesis). And, yes, Magic Johnson 
is on the roster. A computer game due 
out this summer from Electronic Arts, 
tentatively titled Michael Jordan Flight, 
is likely to score big with B-ball fanatics. 
Using digitized footage of the Bulls su- 
perstar, this game goes a technological 
step further with its use of full-motion 
video animation. 

Lastly, boxing games have been tem- 
porarily down for the count, but Sega 
is set to revive the category with its new 
game, Evander Holyfield Real Deal 
Boxing, coming this summer for Genc- 
sis. In the meantime, try to find Nin- 
tendo's cight-bit title, Mike Tyson's 
Punch Out. It's likely to become a col- 
lector’s edition. 


ACTION/FIGHTING 


Sega's Sureets of Rage for Genesis 
and Capcom's Final Fight for SNES 
are martial-arts mayhem at its best. 
Both are similar in structure. There'sa 
choice of fighters and difficulty levels; 
there's a boss who controls a drug 
fested city and who has to be beaten 
along with his henchmen. In Streets of 
Rage, one of the good-guy fighters, 
Blaze Fielding, likes to lambada while 
chopping her way through a number 
of particularly cruel baddies, including 
leather-clad dominatrices with whips. 
The sound track, created by the well- 
known Japanese composer Yuzo Ko- 
shiro, is the best on the market. Final 
Fight, a one-player kick-'em-up, weaves 
the hero through streets that look sus- 
piciously like New York City. Surviving 
the walk requires a four-foot length of 
pipe; knives and swords help, too. Oth- 
er knockout choices include Capcom's 
Street Fighter II for SNES, a faithful 
adaptation of the arcade hit of the 
same name, and Fatal Fury and Burn- 
ing Fight, two hard-hitting and -kick- 
ing Neo-Geo titles. 


HORIZONTAL SHOOTERS 


With this type of game, the action 
moves from left to right on the 
screen—that is, a plane or rocket ship 
has to maneuver around hundreds of 
obstacles coming from the right of the 

(continued on page 138) 


‘All my life, baby, Гое been looking for a girl like you.” 
7 Y 5 8 de 


121 


fl HEART- 
STOPPING 
SALUTE TO 
THE NEW 
GENERATION 
Of WOMEN 
IN WHITE 


15 THE COST of keeping up your health insurance 
getung you down? Paying too much for too little 
coverage? Think our health-care system is going to 
hell? Is that what's ailing you, Bunky? Well, take 
heart. There are hidden benefits if you happen to 
receive medical care from one of the women on 
these and the following pages. It has been nearly a decade since ve scoured the 
halls of medicine to find America's most lovely angels of mercy (Women in White, 
Playboy, November 1983), and one similarity between then and now is that we 
have found more gorgeous women than we have room to picture. We also discov- 
ered some changes іп nursing. Back then, more nurses talked about stress and 
burnout than the women we interviewed this year, many of whom intend to pur- 
sue advanced degrees and open their own clinics or home-care services. Oh, yes, 
and this time we have not only nurses but a doctor. Say ahh. Take your medicine. 


On the opposite poge ore four Golden 
Stote heolth-core professionols who could 
spark a collector's market in outographed 
tongue depressors. Clockwise from top: 
Michelle Bowen, Liso Nicole, Carole Clorke 
ond Amy Hastings. You saw Carole (cbove 
lefi), o former LA. Raiderete, on TV in 
1984 when Ihe Roiders won the Super 
Bowl. Today she's at o southern California 
hospitol. Liso (above right) olso works 
at a California hospital and wants to open 
her own home health-care agency. Amy 
(below) speciolizes in home care for the 
terminally ill in the Santa Barbara area. 


5 à — 


Medicol assistont Mary Ann Smolock (left), 21, 
works in o physician's office in southeastern Fenn- 


sylvania. In the photo above she prepares о po- 
tient for an X ray. Nicole Howkins (below), 25, а 
respiratory technician ot on Ohio hospital, spends 
most of her shift in the emergency room. "The pa- 
Жог | see have life-threatening conditions like 
heart attacks, so work's stressful, but it can also 
be rewarding to help save а life.” Why pose for 
Playboy? “It's been a fantasy since | was a teen.” 


Michelle Bowen (above), 26, is o nuclear medicine technalogist. "I work with cancer patients,” she soys. “We use radioactive tracers 
ond o computerized gomma camera to make images of the affected target organs.” Off duty, she reloxes by roller-blading. 125 


Arizona licensed practical nurse Kathleen Lee (top 
and above) gives home care to patients an life- 
suppart equipment. “Most are quadriplegic, sa 


it's a very physical job requiring a lot of lifting.” |=. a 
Kathy, whose father and brother are both named 1 \ 
Robert E. Lee, says she's a direct descendant F | 


of the Civil War general. Amy Green (righi), an 
X-ray technician in California, devates her spare y 


time to fund-raising for the fight against child 4 Nal p 


126 abuse. To keep herself fü, she pumps iron. —— 


NI 


Cynthia Scott (left), RN, is associate director 
of a north Texas medical conter spe 

ing in hair restoration. "Men are just as vain 
as women when it comes to hair," she says, 
"so we cater to them and pamper thom.” 
Joanna Demas, M.D. (bottom), an Ohio in- 
ternist, “fantasized about being in Playboy, 
but never seriously. Then | heard Dav 
Chan wes in town and called him for fun. 
Obviously, Chan liked what he saw. Inset, 
Dr. Demas checks a patient in her affice. 


The James twins, Renée and Regina 
(above), 28, provide double health 
coverage for the dollar. Renée (left), 
оп RN at с Kentucky hospital, and 
Regina, an RN in southern Indiana, 
show off their work scrubs, steth- 
oscopes ond winning bedside man- 
ners. Regina works with о group 
called Cancel Alcahal-Related Inju- 
ries, showing lacal students graph- 
ic films of alcohal-related auto acci- 
dents. “It makes them think twice 
about drinking and driving.” The 
twins say they "alwoys wanted ta be 
nurses when we grew up.” Mare re- 
loxed (apposite, top), Renée (left) 
and Regina, in search of pizzo, 
phone first. Detroit-area RN Lynn 
Hall (opposite, battom, and below), 
29, is an expert floral arranger who 
would someday like to own her 
own shop. Oklahomo LPN Carman 
Johnson (right) soys thot a perfect 
doy off would include water-skiing, 
country music ond Cajun food. 


An X-ray technician for a Flor- 
ida chiroproctor, Krista Henry 
(below and, at right, on the 
jab), 25, soys she's partial ta 
tall, lean, dark-haired men 
with light eyes. She doesn't 
like dishonest men, sa don't 
lie to her. (Remember: She 
con see right through уау.) 


Julie Leager (above), 26, on RN in Delo- 
ware, is 5'11", and ane of her pet peeves is 
being called "o big girl.” She considers her- 
self ^о basic, dawn-ta-earth person, kind 
af shy if 1 don't know yau well.” We think 
Julie's beauty specks far itself. On the ap- 
posite page, Kentucky emergency medical 
technician Cheri Stuart, 20, gives new 
meaning to the term “scrubbing up." Cheri, 
wha works for on ombulonce service (be- 
low), is a serious bacybuilding enthusiast. 


SS 2 
> Га 


PLAYBOY 


132 


MARIO CUOMO iua fom page 114) 


“Volatile is Sicilian. Volatile is Calabrese. Me, I'm 


Neapolitan. Where the music comes from. 


2» 


want to hang around and play nice 
games, ГИ play games, I'll talk about 
the Eighteenth Century: "That seemed 
great to me, I'll go back there.’ Forget 
about it. How would you brush your 
teeth? "The Renaissance seemed perfect. 
to me You kidding? No bathrooms. 
I'm not a great historian, but I’ve lived 
halfa hundred years now and I've read 
a whole lot. I don't think times are ter- 
ribly different. I think the basic things 
in life don’t change a lot. The insecuri- 
ty is always there, Ше Іше bits of joy 
are always there, the confusion is al- 
ways there, the tendency to despair is 
always there and always will be there. 
When we grow ailerons and superintel- 
ligence, we may diminish some of these 
aspects. But until we leave the category 
human—which is what Teilhard says is 
what is meant to happen when we all 
become perfect and the whole universe 
grows up into heaven—until then, 
we're going to be what we are, what 
we've always been. People are always 
the same. What's an aileron? 1 don't 
know.” The governor pus a fist on ei- 
ther side of his forehead and wriggles 
both forefingers to suggest the flying 
green creatures that have ailerons. 

“My son Christopher likes the Fifties. 
The Fifües were great, the suits, the 
music, nice, a gentler ume. I liked it. 
But I like this ume, too. What do you 
like more about the Fifties? That you 
were young? That's different. You have 
to give some things up, too, you know. 
"Too soon old and too late smart. What. 
did you know when you were young? 
You wasted all those years." 

Well, he doesn't seem prickly to me. 
But I am suddenly aware of the fac 
that the man with whom I am joshing, 
this volatile man who indulges me 
when I play games, may someday 
change the course of human affairs. 
(“Volatile? Me? No. Mercurial. Volatile 
could explode. Not me. I'm easy. Mer- 
curial, you move all the time, you're 
tough to pick up, fast, you go through 
changes and phases. Volatile is Sicil- 
ian—like Matilda [his wife]. Volatile is 
Calabrese—like your people. Me, I'm 
Neapolitan. That's where the music 
comes from. All those songs you hear 
in all the cantinas of the world— 
Neapolitan.” He sings: “Oi Mari, Oi 
Mari, quanta suonne agge perso pé te . . . 
Vicino о’ Mare.” In dialect, he sings.) 

1 apologize for playing games: "You 
don't really like playing games, do 
you?" I say. 


But he is expansive: "Not necessari- 
ly. Remember spin the bottle? Do you 
remember spin the bottle, Tom? Did 
they have that game when you were a 
kid? The Irish, they'll lie to you, you 
know. They're not like us.” 

Us. Tom is Irish. The governor and 
he grin at each other. 


. 

The governor's values were honed in 
the bosom of his family. So were his 
anecdotes: 

“Talking like this is your idea of 
working? Forget it. This is an Italian's 
idea. The Milanese comes down from 
the north—hardworking, sixty, sixty- 
five years old—comes down to Napoli. 
And there, middle of the afternoon, isa 
guy sitting by the water—a young man, 
maybe twenty-one, twenty-two—and 
he's fishing. The Milanese says, ‘Hey, 
what're you doing there?” 

“Tm fishing? 

“The Milanese says, 'You gotta work, 
you gota work hard, you gotta get 
yourself a job and then you gotta get 
the money and save the money, then 
you retire, nice, you move around, 
maybe then you go fishing.’ 

“The man says, ‘Nice, but that’s what 
I'm doin’ now.” 

His father, Andrea, came to America 
from the Provincia di Salerno. His moth- 
er, Immaculata (Macula) lived in a 
400-year-old mountain building that 
was once a monastery, a house with a 
dirt floor, no electricity and no indoor 
plumbing. 

When Andrea and Macula came to 
America, they had no skills, no money, 
no English. Andrea couldn't read or 
write. One of the reasons the governor 
believes New York City will make it— 
AIDS, crime and drugs notwithstand- 
ing—is that it remains the city where 
people come to find their lives and 
their success. New immigrants, unlike 
those who came during the grand im- 
migration from southern Europe, 
come with skills and money. “They can 
buy brownstones in Brooklyn immedi- 
ately, Korean fruit stores immediately,” 
he says. Whereas his father labored as a 
ditchdigger in Jersey City (one сап 
imagine the iron necessity that drove 
people from beautiful Naples to grimy 
Jersey City); he dug trenches for sewer 
pipes. 

The Cuomos moved to South Ja- 
maica and opened a grocery store. 
Mario Cuomo's belief in the durability 
of the American dream, as well as his 


feeling that he is a permanent outsider, 
can be traced to this time. "We had no 
bilingual education in South Jamaica. I 
didn't speak English well when I was 
young. In speech class, I refused to 
give speeches. And it wasn't an Italian 
community. At Saint Monica's Church, 
we didn’t even have an Italian priest. 

“You were born in South Jamaica? 
You probably owed my father money. 
Everybody owed us money. I still have 
the book. You'd come to the grocery 
store and we'd put your name in the 
book. If they got up to forty dollars and 
you didn’t see them for a few days, that 
meant they had moved to Newark.” 

Jamaica is part of the Borough of 
Queens. “You never saw a movie about 
Queens, In all the movies, they lived in 
Brooklyn. Brooklyn was the only place 
with ethnics, Brooklyn was the only 
place with neighborhoods. Brooklyn 
made it into the movies, Queens got 
nothing but disrespect. When you 
landed at LaGuardia Airport—which is 
in Queens, in the city of New York—all 
the signs said TO THE CITY, like Queens 
didn’t belong to the city. I never left 
Queens.” He says this good-naturedly, 
self-mockingly. Success doesn't alto- 
gether obliterate past hurts. And those 
past hurts, the wounds of an ethnic 
outsider, guarantee his identification 
with Americans who have not managed 
to grab their share of the spoils—his 
larger “family.” 

. 

We are talking about middle-class 
discontent. “I know middle-class dis- 
content, irritation, anger, better than 
ou do,” he says. 

“Why?” 

“Because I’m older than you, I've 
been middle-class longer than you.” 

“Not bya lot.” 

“Hey. Am I older than you? I'm old- 
er than you. I'm older than you 
chronologically. I'm older than you 
physically. I look older than you and I 
feel older than you.” 

While I am trying to absorb this, he 
segues into a story: 

“My father and my godfather, Ro- 
sario, worked together. When my god- 
father quit the fish store and my father 
quit the grocery store because he had a 
heart attack, there was nothing they 
could do with themselves and they 
were irritated. So they came to me and 
said, "We'd like to build a house; we 
want to go in the housebuilding busi- 
ness.’ My father can’t read or write, 
but never mind about reading plans. 
Rosario, my godfather, was a bricklay- 
er, he had a real skill. I was a young 
lawyer, so we got together. I bought a 
piece of land for two thousand dollars. 
We went to the old contractors that my 

(continued on page 151) 


Its a mellow song, a good friend, 


alaid back night. 
Its Southern Comfort. 


2 "0 ОЕ 


Si TIONS 


NICOLE KIDMAN 


icole Kidman is equal parts wild red 

бай; long legs. beguiling smile and 
spontaneous. combustion—nice stuff on its 
own, devastating when combined with her 
acting talents. Working on TV and in film 
since the age of 14, she was chosen as best 
actress in a poll of the Australian public 
when she was 17. Kidman first wowed 
American audiences as a seagoing survivor 
in “Dead Calm.” She followed that as a 
brainy babe in “Days of Thunder,” then 
played Dutch Schultz’s moll in “Billy Bath- 
gate.” Next up: "Far and Away," ап 1800s 
репой drama directed by Ron Howard т 
which Kidman plays an upper-class Irish 
immigrant finding her way in America and 
falling in love. Contributing Editor David 
Reusin spoke with Kidman in Los Angeles. 
Her husband, Tom Cruise, sat for a “20 
Questions” interview іп 1986, which she 
had read only the night before. "It was fasci- 
nating to read about a Tom ГА never 
known,” she said. 


т. лувоу: What do tall women know that 
women of average height never will? 
KIDMAN: Tall women know that it takes 
guts to wear heels, It says ^I have no 
inhibitions about being tall” even 
though you've spent your whole life 
being told how big you are. Most tall 
women stoop to look smaller. I learned 
early on to be totally self-assured about 
my height. My father’s six foot ten, my 
mother's five foot ten, my sister's five 
foot ten and I'm five foot ten. 
When I see a guy going out with 
а taller girl. 1 immediately like him. 


It shows that he's 
far and away confident. Look 
the best Tee RENE 
redheaded cut Princess Di: 
gift from lan 
down under 2. 


ana's heels down. 


PLAYBOY: Do the 
speaks out jt 
on prisons, Cruise is a major 


Hollywood star 
and your husband 
hinder 


pouches and 


help or 
your ge Е 
KIDMAN: Lots of 


potato 
cuisine people think 1 
got Days of Thun- 


ШЕ = | der and Far and 
Away because of 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY ALBERTO TOLOT 


Tom. Irs not true. The huge studios 
aren't going to put me in a movie just 
to please Tom. Besides, whenever 
Тот” in a movie, it's really his movie. 
The best of situations occurred. when 
we worked on Far and Away, Director 
Ron Howard always dealt with us sepa- 
rately. "OK, I want Nicole to call me at 
four rv. and Tom to call me at seven- 
thirty вм” He didn't пу to reach me 
through Tom. He gave us equal power. 
Obviously, though, when the movie 
comes out, lots of people are going to 
go because Tom's in it. 


3. 


PLAYBOY: What сап Тот do that will 
make you laugh instantly, and whar can 
you do that will make him laugh 
instantly? 

KIDMAN: He does these funny Іше 
dances. He's a really good dancer, but 
he sends himself up. He can do Elvis 
really well. Also, his laugh. His nose 
crinkles up and his teeth sort of come 
forward. He opens his whole mouth 
and throws his head back. As soon as 
he does that, I'm in hysterics because 
it's so infectious. [Smiles] But then, I'm 
in love with him. 

1 do lots of different accents and 
stuff. He likes that. He always says, 
“Oh, God. you're a character, Nicole." 
Hmmm. That's really personal. That 
answer was more personal than any- 
thing. 15 funny how I just got embar- 
rassed. But yeah. See, I smile even 
when I'm thinking about him. 


4. 


piavuoy: In Far and Away you're Irish. 
How many ways can you cook potatoes? 
KIDMAN: Scalloped potatoes, boiled po- 
tatoes, baked potatoes, German-style 
potato salad and, my favorite, mashed 
potatoes. You boil the potatoes, add a 
hule garlic and salt, mmm. And then 
the butter, And milk. But, they are 
very, very bad for you. Im sure I even 
love instant mashed potatoes 


5. 


™AYHOY: While working on far and 
Away, what special communication did 
you and Ron Howard share as fellow 
redheads 

кома: Funny. Ron says he has по 
preference for redheads, but it’s the 
first thing I talked about with his wife, 
Cheryl, who's also a redhead, as are all 
four of their kids. Ron makes every 
person feel that they're special. You 


would do anything for the guy. Ron is 
loyal. He keeps his promises. He has a 
great sense of humor. And 1 love it 
when à director can suggest something 
to me that wasn't anything I'd have ev- 
er come up with mysell. For example, 
there's a scene in the film where Tom 
has a pot over his genitals and I have to 
look under the pot and react. I did ita 
couple times and it was going well. Ev- 
eryone was laughing and it was very 
funny. But I did it from the viewpoint 


of, “Oh, my God. this is the most shock- 
ing thing Гуе ever seen.” And then 
Ron came up and said, “Enjoy it.” 


s all he said. 
6. 


PLAYBOY: Your dad is a biochemist 
you believe in person. 
KIDMAN: Something hits you like а 
thunderbolt when you meet the person 
you want to be with. You never forget 
и. If it happens to both of you, that’s it. 
Chemistry is if you still get ай warm 
and tingly when the person you love 
compliments you. Hugs and kisses still 
make you blush. I still blush. I still want 
10 impress Tom. | still do all those 
things to nurture our relationship— 
which is particularly important to ac- 
tors who are separated a lot. If that 
means talking on the phone for two 
hours when you're extremely tired, 
then do it. If that means flying on the 
weekend when you've had two hours’ 
sleep, you do it. And it doesn't mean 
giving up your goals and your 
all it means is pushing you 
little harder 


Do 


chemistry? 


T 


PLAYBOY: What one thing can men do 
that would make women so much hap- 
pier? And why do you suppose men 
refuse to do it? 

KIDMAN: They can be honest. Ме 
people—aren't honest because they're 
scared. To be have to 
be willing to accept what you're told 
and not punish the person for be 
honest, or lose your temper. Certainly, 
you'll react to what you hear, but you 
shouldn't hold on to it for years and 
always br 


honest 


you 


wine surveys about what 
women want in men indicate that a 
se of humor tops the list. Does th 


PLA YE Ot 


136 


mean there's hope for funny guys who 

don't look like matinee idols? 

kiosa: Yeah, the secrets out. [Laughs] 

How are you going to get through the 

next fiy years if you cami laugh about 

things? The belly laugh—when tears are 
ican unrivaled 


coming out of your eyes 


sensation. 


9. 


моу: А lot of people didt see Bills 
Bathgate. What did you do in that movi 
that you think people should see—and 
why should they pick up the vide 

кармах: 1 like my American acc 
never slipped out of it. It was very par 
ticular: a blue blood, 1935. 1 worked 
with a coach, but basically all you have 
to do is listen to the voice you want to 
copy and get the rhythm. And then, be- 
fore you know it, you get the accent. 1 
even stayed in my accent between takes, 
except when 1 was on the phone to my 
mother in Australi 


10. 


rLAv boy: What movies should Ame: 
see if they want to learn about Austral 
taps: The Fringe Dwellers, directed by 
Bruce Beresford. I's about the abor 
ines. Suvetie, a Jane Campion film. It's a 
very avant-garde study of parents. The 
Man from Snowy River shows the beauty 
of Australia. Ud still like to see more con- 
temporary Australian movies, but there's 
a shortage of directors, Now they're all 
working over here, They did somethin 
ing the Seventies and сапу 
Eighties because look how many the 
are: Peter Weir, Bruce Beresford, Fred 
Schepisi, Phil Noyce. We haven't seen 


ans 


alian direc- 
during the 


that next g 
tors yet, but I think we 
next five ye 


wı who: What's your routine on the al- 
most fifteen-hour flight from Los Ange- 
les 10 Sydney? 
кармах: Tes all carefully planned. Em an 
expert. 1 board. I change into sweats in 
the bathroom. Pull my hair back. Put on 
heaps of moisturizer. Drink about thre 
glasses of water, if I can manage th 
much. And then 1 start to drink herba 
tea—rose hip tea because it has a lot of 
amin C. Then I саг dinner, but I don't 
ed meat, just salads and the light 
food. Meanwhile, Fm still spraying 
Evian on my face and drinking wate 
Then I watch some of the movie. But it's 
always good to go to sleep during the 
movie because all the lights are turned 
off and everyone's quiet. | put a mask 
over my eyes, put in earplugs. 1 don't 
ake any pills because they make me 
groggy. | wake up just to drink water or 
chamomile tea. And 1 time myself to 
sleep lor only cight hours. I wake up. 1 
go into the bathroom, wash my face, 
clean my teeth. Then 1 cat breakfast, 
watch the newsreel on what's happening 
in Australia and read for an hour or two, 
ind we're about to land. Then it’s back 
into the bathroom, ger changed and de- 
plane, And everyone always says, “God, 
you look so fresh!” Oh, and I always take 
a Walkmar 


12. 


PLAYBOY: Australia is a land of pouches— 
koalas, kangaroos and other marsupials. 


Then theres the 
theil\ of the chase 


How has the pouch infiltrated the com- 
mercial sector as a consumer product 
kiwi: The pouch. Are you kidding 
me? Em going to go back and say that an 
American interviewer s 

Land of Pouches 
pouch products Г ca 


d we were the 
Jo. there are no 
hink of. [Laughs] 1 
might go back and stam а company 
called the Pouch Company. Talk about 
Pouch Theory С 
think of that? 


se, how the hell did you 


лувоу: You first came to America's at- 
tention in Dead Calm, a film about ре 
sonal terror on the high seas. In it, your 
husband uses a fare gun as a weapon. 
What methods of self-defense do you 
know? 

KIDMAN: You want me to get brutal? 
school we had self-defense lessons. WI 
you do is you push the guy's eveballs in 
with your thumbs so that it blinds him, 
and then you kick him. You know where. 
Blind him, kick him and run. Is that not 
good self-defense? 


At 


14. 


rravsor: Did the fil 
ruin sailing for you? 
KIDMAN: It didn't. I love it. We lived out 
at sea. I learned to sail an eighty 
yacht single-handed. I had а 
skipper who trained me for six weeks 
prior to the film, He was extremely 
tough and would yell at me all the time, 
but he was an excellent teacher. The bes 
thing is sailing at night. You feel, Gosh, 
there are no worries. This is what [life's] 
about. 


ing of Dead Calm 


15. 
PLAYBOY: You also sky-dive. What were 
you thinking the first time you stepped 
ош of an airplane? 
KIDMAN: “No, no, no, по. по! My helme 
My gloves!” I kept coming up with ex- 
cuses, Then Tom jumped out and he was 
gone im one second. When somebody 
jumps out, you expect it to look as if he's 
floating away. But he's gone and that is 
terrifying. Then you stand there and 
feel the cold air. My teeth still chatter ev 
ery time—before I think. Just do it! You 
feel like you're suspended in the air. 1 
just love it. E tried to convince my par 
ents to let me jump when I was fourteen, 
ind they wouldn't. You can live lile ter- 
ified of doing everything. or you can 
choose some things that you really want 
and do them so that, when you're eighty 
s old. you won't regret having missed 
out. I don't want to have any regrets. 

16. 
PLAYBOY: When you t 
always on the sightse 
KIDMAN: Û will always visit some sort of 
jail In Ireland, while filming Far and 
Away, 1 visited a jail where people 
the different uprisings have been held 


abroad. what's 
ing i 


петагу? 


rom 


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137 


PLAYBOY 


138 


since 1917. You can feel the ghosts. Men 
were killed there, hanged, shot for wh. 
they believed in. And the place was so 
cold. You can imagine Ireland in the 
middle of winter. There's the cell and 
corridors with open windows where the 
snow would come in. Men lived in these 
conditions for years. 

1 also like to go to cemeteries. In Di 
gle, T went to the old cemetery where 
they shot Ryans Daughter. 1 went in the 
moonlight. In Australia, 1 went to a place 
where all the convicts were held—U 
wrote a song about it. It's important for 
people to visit these places where history 
resides, even if it’s upsetting. 


17. 


илувох: Many actors claim they act to 
overcome shyness. 15 acting just а form 
of self-exploration 
KIDMAN: No. That's indulgent. I unde: 
stand shyness. But you have to grow out 
of it because it's distracting. I did it by 
working on an Australian series where 1 
was before the camera six days a week, 
all day, for seven months. Prior to that, 
Га always been ed and shy and 
thought the crew was whispering about 
me, "Oh, God, she's terrible.” But in 
spite of my worries. I still found acting 
fascinating. One reason was that I got to 
meet boys. E got my first kiss on stage. 1 
always had а crush on someone in my 
acting class. That's the only thing that 
kept me going back on the weckends, 
which is so ridiculous to admit, but it's 
true. Thats what really pulls you at that 
age. Dustin Hollman says the same 
thing: He did it to meet girls. You get to 
dress up, you get to pretend you're sexy, 
you get to be all these things that you're 
actually not. 1 did a play, Spring Awaken- 
ing, a very dark period drama. It was all 
about sexual repression. Ihe boys in it 


had to appear naked, and it was rhe first 
time ГА seen a young boy naked 


18. 


PLAYBOY: Your bio says that as a teenager, 
you thought you were the ugliest girl in 
the world. Should we believe that 
KIDMAN: You hear every actress say that. 
vs terrible. I looked very different. In 
Australia, you worship the sun and go to 
the beach all the time. The beautiful look 
i aight blonde hair, blue eyes and 
kin. Being a fair-skinned redhead, 
I didn't go out in the sun much. When I 
swam, I'd have to put zinc oxide—totally 
humiliating—on my nose, wear sun hats, 
cover up. Any time I tried to tan, Га get 
beet red and peel, Га also spend ages 
tying to blow-dry my hair straight be- 
cause curly hair embarrassed me. That's 
how 1 was. Anything that 
takes you away from the norm in your 
youth is not something you re 


19. 


PLAYBOY: What's the best advice about 
marriage you have heard and who told it 
to you? 

KIDMAN: Tom gave it to me. He said, 
“This marriage is going to last because 
we're going to do whatever it takes. 
There's absolutely no limit to make it 
work." 


conformi: 


20. 

PLAYBOY: What item т your he 
quires the most explanation when guests 
mention it? 

KIDMAN: Our puppy: We had people over 
the other night. He came out, jumped 
on one person. He bit another. He drew 
blood. He goes crazy and runs around 
the house. It’s very embarrassing. 


re- 


MANKOFF 


"And while we have no explicitly stated dress code, we 
expect our employees lo use discretion, Tom.” 


LET THE GAMES BEGIN 


(continued from page 120) 
making it to the finish line 
Each stage ends with a boss that has to 
be destroyed in order to advance. The 
two top-ranked horizontal shooters are 
Capcom's UN Squadron for SNES and 
Gaiares, designed for Genesis by Reno- 
vation Products. With the end of the Cold 
War, the Russians are no longer the bad 
guys—now it's drug dealers. The goal of 
the UN Squadron is to wipe them out us- 
ing a variety of pilots, aircralt and Осе 
Storm-type weaponry. V 
rocket ship flies through bi 
while encountering monsters and mete- 
ors. The similarly themed Super R-Type. 
developed by IREM America for SNES. 
isa fun alter 

Some horizontal-action game 
difficult to categorize. One is Sega's Son 
ic the Hedgehog for Genesis. The game 
is filled with gorgeous primary-colored 
backgrounds and extremely tough rotat- 
ng obstacles. It features multiple levels 
and, to get through them faster. Sonic 
tries to uncover bonuses that increase his 
speed to the point where he is literally a 
flash across the screen. It's great fun. 


screen befor 


native. 


are 


VERTICAL SHOOTERS 


Unlike horizontal shooters—in which 
waves of bad guys attack from the 
right vertical shooters have the enemy 
challenging f 


om the top. Blazing Laze 
for TurboGralx is the perfect example 
One look at this g h its multicol- 
ored, wildly shaped killer laser b 
and derstand the popul 
ty of 16-bit systems. Neo-Geo gets an 
honorable mention for Alpha Mission П. 
a game similar to Blazing Lazers. Sega's 
Twin Cobra f also rates high. 


ims 


s easy to ui 


Genesi 


IGHT SIMULATORS 


This is where computer games soar 
bove their video counterparts. Lots of 
memory is required for litelike action. 
and home computers have it to spare. 
Flight simulators put players in the cock- 
pits of a variety of aircraft —from Apache 
helicopters to Stealth fighters. The top. 
guns in this category include Wing 
Commander П: Vengeance of the Kil- 
rathi (Origin), Falcon 3.0 (Spectrum 


HoloByte), Gunship 2000 and Е-ИТА 
Nighthawk Stealth Fighter 20 (both 
from MicroProse). All require some 


practice to get the feel of the stick and 
avoid enemy fire. Plus. the game manu- 
als resemble briefing books from the 
Pentagon. But when you're in syne, the 
game-play pavolFis worth the effort 


ROLE PLAVING/FANTASY ADVENTURE 


Fantasy adventure video games are 
similar to board games such as Dungeons, 
which is heavy on strategy and light on 


2% 
of condoms to choose from. So make the ight choice. 


› 


And stay in control with TROJAN. 


(©1992 Carter-Wallace, Inc. TROJAN isa registered trademark of Carter Wallace, Inc. 


140 


WINNING GEAR 


stuff to make your playing better 


An entire industry has developed 
to enhance the video-game experi- 
ence. While some products are nov- 
elties (driver's gloves to prevent cal- 
luses, for example), others heighten 
the fun. Here are our top pick: 

The controllers that come with 
the basic video-game systems are 
adequate for most players, but hard- 
core gamers opt for afiermarket, a 
cadc-like joysticks with handles and 
rapid-fire control buttons. There's a 
wide variety of choices, but the joy- 
stick designed by Sega for consoles 
is excellent ($50). Many enthusiasts 
go for Freedom Sticks ($40), wire- 
less units that use infrared technolo- 
gy just like a ГУ remote and let 
players roam the room to take video 
passes during Joe Montana И: 
Sports Talk Football 


‘Toys, Game Genie is par 
beneficial for owners of the 
tendo Entertainment System. 
who are stuck with a pile ol dust- 
gathering games that they mastered. 
long ago. Priced between $50 and 
$65, Game Genie electronically cus- 
tomizes the original game so that it 
plays differently. If Mario used to 
jump left, for example, he would 
now go right. It also lets you cheat 
by jumping to different levels with- 
out having to fight 16 bosses along 
the way. Levels of difficulty can be 
increased as well. There's also € 
Action Replay from STD Entertai 
ment ($50), which enables you to go 
back to the point where you were 
"killed" or knocked out. We're w 
ing for the realli 

А final note on the 16-bit systems. 
To ensure an optimum picture and 
sound quality, stick with direct 
dio/video inputs. Newer TVs and 
receivers have these jacks on the 
front faceplate of the equipment. If 
there are no other jacks available, 
do not use the antenna (RF) connec- 
tion on the back of the set, since 
quality will drop precipitously. In- 
stead, use a separate box called an 
A/V switcher. This device will serve 
as a relay station for all compo- 
nents—not just the game console— 
and will straighten out the snarl of 
wires found behind most media sys- 


tems. A good example is Sony's SB- 
V665 ($129), which has four sets of 
МУ jacks. What makes this switcher 
stand out are its S-video connectors, 
which accept top-quality video 
sources such as laser disc players 
and Super-VHS player/recorders. 
The new Super Nintendo system can 
use 
every pixel will pop off the scree 
loving on to hand-held games, 
one of the best accessories for the 
Sega Game Gear and TurboEx press 
systems is à TV tuner. Priced at 
about $100 cach. the optional 
tuner sform the small LCD. 
game screens into tiny television 
sets. The pictures aren't perfect, but 
the next lime you're stuck in the 
bleachers at the ballpark watching a 
blowout game, you can remove the 
tuner from the unit and play a few 
rounds of David Robinson Supreme 
Court Basketball or Bonk И. 
Nintendo's Game Boy has almost 
as many enhancements as Mario has 
obstacles. Two of the better one: 
clude a detachable magnilying glass 
to enlarge the screen and detach- 
able lights that brighten the screen 
under poorly lighted conditions. 
The Illuminator from Forma Pre 
tics ($15), Nuby's me 
ght ($10) and Lightboy from Vic 
Tokai ($20) are the top names hi 
Finally, when it comes to comput- 
nes, better gi ards and 
faster processing units in 
more impressive action. Unfortu- 
nately, such upgrades can be expe 
sive, One relatively inexpensive way 
to enhance computer gaming is 10 
add a quality sound board. Here, 
the top names are Sound Blaster 
($169) and Ad Lib Gold 1000 
($299). Install one of these boards 
in your computer and the audio 
moves from beeps and bl 
stereo sound. With more advanced 
boards such as Sound Blaster. Pro 
($299), you can use your keyboard 
10 compose music via MIDI (mus 
cal-instrument digital interface). AL 
ter the board is installed, you с 
pump up the volume with quality 
external such as Bose's 
$339) or Pow- 
ered Partner 420s from Acoustic Re- 
search ($275). The prices are for a 
pair. Power up! — DAVID ELRICH 


connection, which means 


s to real 


action. The goal usually involves saving a 
princess, finding the Holy Grail. ete. In 
stead of kicking or blastin; 
the finish line, cucs and hints have to be 
read and digested before making deci- 
sions on the course of action. The games 
have become so complex that hint books 
are available to help gamers solve the 
mysteries. 

Since more memory allows designers 
to increase the complexity of games, 
computers have the edge here, too. Our 
PC picks include Might and Magic Ш 
Isles of Terra (New World Computing). 
Ultima ҮН: The Black Gate (Origin). 
Monkey Island 9: LeChuck's Revenge 
(Lucasfilm Games) and Eye of the Be- 
holder |: The Legend of Darkmoon 
(Strategic Simulations). All these new ad- 
ventures feat з. quality 
sound tracks and enough complexity to 
satisfy members of Mensa. 

Mac enthusiasts have two superior 
role-playing stars, Virtual Valerie and 
Spaceship Warlock, both from Reactor 
Both are on CD-ROM discs and require 
a special drive. егіс is billed as “mter- 
acuve erotica” but, while she's cute, the 
game definitely isn't X-rated. Warlock 
has outstanding MTV-style graphics. 

When il comes to 16-bit systems, 
Sega's Phantasy Star series for 
the hands-down winner. Phantasy Star 
MI: Generations of Doom is the latest 
on. In it, there are seven worlds to 
travel, the characters live for three gen 
erations and numerous beasts must be 
conquered. Other popular role-playing 
games include Might and Magic for 
Genesis and Final Fantasy П for SNES 
(both from Electronic Arts). 

There are a few popular role-playing 
games that take place in the present and 
deal with modern problems rather than 
with ancient riddles. Again, computer 
games shine here. Leisure Suit Larry 5: 
Passionate Patti Does a Little Undercov- 
er Work (Sierra) is one of the best. 
must audition three attractive women lor 
а job as hostess of America’s Sexiest Home 
Videos. While he's doing his job. Patti goes 
undercover to expose bad guys in the 
entertainment business. Accolade's Les 
Manley: Lost in L.A. is a noir-style detec- 
tive tale featuring a digitized version of a 
Playboy model. 


your way to 


re lush sere 


nesis is 


PUZZLES. 


Puzzle games require quick wits and 
fingers. Shapes (usually rectangula 
ter the screen and have to be aligned by 
color or by geometric shapes. With Spec- 
vum HoloByte's new ten-level Super 
Tetris for IBM compatibles, you have to 
move the falling shapes into complete 
rows of a specific color, rotating the 
pieces as they fall. Sega's Columns for 
Genesis is a variation of this same theme 
Marble 


en- 


ladness, another Genesis game 


(The American Tobacco Co. 1992. 


toe, Surprising 
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PLAYBOY 


142 


from Electronic Arts, is equally challeng- 
ing. With Marble Madness, a single ball 
has to Бе maneuvered across a terrain 
that resembles a city skyline. One slip 
and it’s over the side. 


PINBALL 


There are two great pinball titles cur- 
rently available, Alien Crush and Devil's 
Crush, both for TurboGralx. Two but- 
tons on the controller act as flippers and 
another puts the ball in play. With both 
games, a ball careens around the screen 
bouncing off creatures that look like re- 
jects from Alien. Scores can run into the 
millions once the feel of the flippers is 
mastered. 


RACING. 


п has become so fast and 


Racing acti 
lifelike that vertigo can hit the unwary 
beginner. SNES's F-Zero features fut 
 hovercraft that take g 


ity-defying 


curves at terrific speeds. Naturally, the 
object is to beat other racers or the clock 
There's a choice of cars with different 
engines and eight courses, and the 
sound electo and crash sequences are 
Road Rash from El nic Arts 
for Genesis is another winner. This mo- 
torcycle race has the tagline “No speed 
mit? No rules? No problem!” You get 
your choice of bikes and drivers. Since 
there are no rules, vou can even knock 
opponents off their bikes with a club. An- 
other of Electronic Arts’ Genesis title: 
Out Run, features a driver who takes a 
blonde and a Ferrari E-40 out for a high- 
speed cruise. Our kind of fun. 


GROWN-L 


AMES 


Although gorgeous models Passion: 
Patti, Virtual Valerie and other attractive 
women have made their way into video 
games. the adult action is mostly G-rat- 
ed. Enter the computer 


games Strip 


"Want to try something I heard about on ‘Donahue’?” 


Poker И (Art Work, Inc) and Strip 
Blackjack HE (LO. Research). With both 
mes, you play cards against a woman 
n the screen. If you lose, you have to 
get undressed—-one article of clothing 
at a time. If she loses, she does the same. 
Image quality is fair at best and the re 
sulis are far from erotic. But then, how 
exciting can it be to get naked with a 
comput 


HAND-HELD GAMES 


The black-and-white Game Boy from 
Nintendo fueled the hand-held video- 
game market. and it’s rumored that 

color version will be introduced Іші 


r), Mari (Lynx) and T 
boGrafs (TurboExpress). The last is the 
nost expensive ($999. compared with 
$79 lor Game Boy, $129 for G 
and 599 for Lynx), but it uses the sai 
cartridges as the TurboGralx-16 home 
system. Game Gear and Lynx use exclu 
sive idges that are priced from 520 
to 


Sega (Game ( 


me Gear 


50. 

Our recommendations: Iradewests 
new Jack Nicklaus Golf for Game Boy is 
challenging, as is Sega's Joe Montana 
Football and Leaderboard Golf. (Game 
Gear) and War Birds (Lynx). 


CD GAMES, 


Since the complexity of a game is de- 
pendent on the amount of memory in 
the system, it's no surprise that. video- 
game technology is moving toward CD- 
ROM. NEC was the first company to 
offer an opti atach- 
its TurboGralx console. One of 
its newest releases, lt Came from the 
Desert, hints of g 
Instead of using c 
graphics, this campy Fifties-style 
bugs-run 


nal compact-disc 
ment for 


things to come. 
red 
giant- 
mok game incorporates mov- 
ing digital vidco and digital sound. 
TurboGralx is so confident of this tech- 
nology that it will be; selling 
contained combination cartridge/CD 
unit sometime this fall for about 5150. 

To keep in step. many consumer elec- 
tronics giants have been furiously work- 
ing on their own dise-based game sys- 
tems. The new Philips CD-I (compact 
discanteractive) players (5800) are out 
now, with full-motion video capability 
promised in late 1992. Sega will be 
ducing a CD option for the Genesis sys- 
tem this year priced at about $450. N 
tendo has been working on a sin 
project with Philips, and Sony is pl 
ning to introduce a disc-based game sys- 
tem called Play Station. 

What this means is that video games 
are here to stay. They ll get bette эге 
complex and тоге exciting as technolo- 
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144 


A 1 E Jt y i 3 9 (continued from page 77) 


“I see two employees hanging up sample condoms on a 
miniature clothesline. Il looks like mouse laundry.” 


an office where I can obtain information 
on sale sex 

The people who answer the phone re- 
act as though nobody has ever asked 
them this before. I'm referred to num- 
ber alter number within the New York 
City Health Department: AIDS hotlines 
and HIV hotlines and so on. No one can 
help me. 1 call yet another number. А 
woman asks what I want. 

“Can vou give me some infor 
fe sex? 
7 she says. “Do you want to be 


ation 


Thats not why 1 am calling," Г say, 
"but Um willing to take another blood 
test, sure." 

“Well, Im sorry. 
ment only.” she says. 
of at least two months 
Look," 1 say, “in the meantime isn't 
there anyone who can just give me some 
informati k 

She gives me another number. A wom- 
an answers. 
`d like 
sex,” зау. 
“who are you with?” she asks. 

“I'm not with anybody,” 1 say. “I'm just 
looking for information on safe sex 

“Hang on a minute,” she says 

Along pause. A man picks up. 
^m looking for information on safe 
sex,” I say. 

“Well.” he says. “this is a food store, | 
can tell you whatever you want to know 
about food, but il you want information 


but it’s by appoint 
And there's а wai 


n on sale se: 


some information on sale 


on sale sex, you will have to call some- 
body else. 

Hugely embarrassed, 1 hang up. 
Th. questions to be Why 


did the woman ask who I was with and 
neglect 10 mention ГА called a food 
store? Would she have given me advice 
on safe sex if I'd said I was with someone 
impressive? Why did she refer me to the 
man? Did she think he might give me ad- 
vice on sale sex? Why did the Depart- 
ment of Health refer me to a food store? 
Was it a simple error or a desperate at- 
tempt to get rid of someone who wa 
rapidly discovering that the department 
has no advice to give about safe sex? 

After 14 calls to Department of Health 
numbers, 1 finally locate a man who ad- 
mits to knowing something about safe 
sex. I ask him if there's an office where 1 
a and talk to somebody. He 
seems curiously reluctant to have me 
He asks if 1 know how HIV is 
transmitted, Fearing it might be a trick 
question, I play dumb. 


can come 


come in 


“Tell me,” I say 

“Blood from a person who is HI V-pos- 

ive has to enter your bloodstream,” he 

replies in а patronizing tone. "Is ther 
anything else you want to know? 
Well, lets see,” I say. “Гуе heard that 
you сап be exposed to HIV, test negative 
and then years later, even ten years later, 
even if you've had no further sexual con 
tacts, you can test positive.” 

“It takes the body six weeks to three 
months to produce antibodies," he says. 
“We recommend that you take a second 
test six months after the first. IF you test 
negative twice in six months, then t 
what you are.” 

“Is cunnilingus safe?” I ask 
How is HIV transmitted? 
rhetorically. 

“Blood from а person who is HI V-po: 
itive has to enter your bloodstream,” 1 
say. “You already told me that.” 

Then how could it not be safe?” he 
asks smugly 

"And wha 
of menst 
ing gum? 

“Oh, sure, then you're at risk,” he 
says. "ГА recommend using a dental 
dam, which is re of rubber 
used for root e it over the 
woman and have oral sex through it.” 

Yum. | decide I need to find out more 
about dams and 
I've tes of the city's 
Department of Health. Гус heard about 

store called Condomania that special- 
izes i cx devices. 

There's no listing in the Manhattan di- 
reciory for Condomania, but there is one 
for Condom Sense. I dial. What I get is 
recording of a suspiciously excited wom- 
an who's about to have an orgasm. A G- 
rated orgasm, Г might add, because the 
n, though breathing hard, aroused 
and astonishingly chatty, never says any- 
thing sexual. The only shock comes at 
the end of the tape when she reveals that 
the call has cost me five dollars. 

I call Information to find ош the num- 
ber for Condomania, a small, perky store 
at Bleecker and West Tenth. It opened in 
June of last year and is one of the few 
businesses to thrive during the reces- 
sion. Store manager Kyrsha Wildasin 
shows me around. 

Kyrsha tells me that her customers are 
140 percent men, 
t most are in the 18-30 age range and 
ight customers 


if the woman has a trace 
паї blood and I have a bleed- 


sale- 


is about even. 


“Most people want to know what's the 
safest condom,” says Kyrsha, “I tell them 

ny of the Japanese brands— Kimono. 
Sagami or Oki re the best. 
They're ultrathin but tested morc rigor- 
ously, so they're really safe. 

A man asks Kyrsha about a Japanese 
condom with Mickey Mouse's face and 
's at the end. She tells him she's never 
seen it and touts a brand called Rubber 
Ducky instead. | ask about other. gim- 
ky condoms 
This is the Peter Meter,” she says. 
the rubber with the ruler, As you roll it 
down. two inches is Teeny Weeny. four 
inches is Average Joe, six inches is Stud. 
ht inches is Hero and ten inches is 
n Animal. These are Dick and Ja 
See Dick with an erection. 
See Dick with no protection. See Dick 
with an infection.” 

“Here are Stealth Condoms in a pack- 
age that looks like a stealth bomber— 

They'll never see you coming.” Here are 
Saddam Condoms and Desert Shields. 
Then we have all the other ones, like the 
glow-in-the-dark ones and the colored 
Ones—red, green, blue, yellow and 
black. Our novelty items are just a way to 
make it easier for people who are sh 

1 consider myself to be a shy person 
and I'm not sure Га find it easier to buy 
or use a colored, glow-in-the-dark con- 
dom that has Mickey Mouse ears on the 
end of it, 

We have these,” she says, “Safe Sox— 
socks with a little pouch with a condom 
in it. We have Valentine bouquets with a 
dozen condom roses. We have edible 
These are flave 
doms—banana, passion fruit 
They're called Licks.” 

Task her about the new 
male condom, 

“Yeah, it's not available in the United 

States yet,” she says. “Its kind of biza 
looking. I's just an insert that actually 
goes inside. Г have a friend who wore it 
and found it very comfortable. She said 
she forgot she had it in.” 
How could you lorget you had it 
Yeah,” she says. "And if people think 
condoms are unromantic. . . . In Europe 
they've also developed a condom that 
comes down the shaft and goes over the 
oum. It covers. everything. 
ing to get them." 

Female condoms? Male condoms that 
cover everything? The ultimate exten- 
sion of these would seem to be the often. 
joked-about full-body condom. 

“Tell me, do you sell the dam: 
Yeah, we do. You use it to cover wh: 
you're performing oral sex on 
also make belts that hold them on. 
They come k, purple, blue, cle 
forest green and yellow. They have 
on them. I don't know if you can 
—it's kind of cocoa-scented." 


n0to— 


e 


condoms: 


ed con- 
ind cherry. 


condoms. 


uropean fe- 


ехе 


n pi 


She holds it up for me to smell. | don't 
smell cocoa. This device will appeal to 
folks who lick ice-cream cc 
balloons. I сап! see myself 
square of industrial-strength rubbeı 
not sure Га even be able to tell that there 
was a woman on the other side. This is 
the only way to have safe oral sex? 
Frankly, my dear, I don't give a dam 

Is this a popular item? 1 ask. 

“Yeah. At first it was more directed to- 
ward lesbians, but now heterosexuals are 
buying 

Do you think iw: 

"Well, we know 
STDs in the 
would scem impor 
It takes some getting used to. Its thicker 
than a condom. We're in the process 
of putting together some saler-sex kits 
that include a dam, a condom, a finger 
condom- 

“A finger condom?” 

She holds up a tiny white condom. 

“If you have cuts or sores on your 
fingers and do insertion of any kind, you 
need to cover them.” 

I see that two Condomania employees 
nrolling and hanging up sample 
condoms of different brands оп а minia- 
ture clothesline, It looks like mouse 
laundry. 

“We're doing this to show people how 
different brands vary in size,” says Kyr- 
sha. "Like if they want to buy а в 
flavored condom and don't know which 
one is going to fit them? The Ramses i 
much much smaller than the Sheik, 
which people don't know and which we 
didn’t know until we started doing this. 
There used to be one general size, but 
within that there's a good inch to an 
inch-and-a-half variation. 

“We're going to start demonstrations 
soon. We'll show how to put a condom 
on. People complain that the failure rate 
of condoms is twenty-five to thirty per- 
cent, but that’s if they don't know how to 
use them correctly. There was a man 
here the other night. He was putting air 


100." 


ally necessary?" 
that HIV and other 
vaginal fluids, so 


are 
ant to have a bar 


ar 


ш- 


WHAT 
арек PeorLe 
LOOK FOR iN 

A NeW CAR... 


in it before he put it on. He thought the 
receptacle end was supposed to be infla 
ed so the sperm could go into it. But 
you're supposed to squeeze the air out of 
it, and that's why his were breaking.” 

“I've heard of allerg 
I say. 

“Yeah. We've had more and more peo- 
ple come into the store complaining of 
rashes and itching. Depending on which 
partner is allergic to latex, we suggest us- 
ing a lambskin condom cither inside or 
outside the latex. We don't recommend 
using the natural lambskin by itself be- 
cause it's a weave and the strain of the 
virus in some sexually transmitted. dis- 
eases is actually smaller than the weave, 
\ lot of people are also allergie 10 the 
spermicides.” 

"Hold оп T say. 
ommend wearing fwo condoms? 

“Well” she reasonably, “that 
would be the only way to know that vou 
are really sale." 


es to condom: 


cond, You rec- 


says 


. 

I have Ik ed more about the con- 
dom allergy. It will not make vou happy. 
Its a rash on the genitals that produces 
redness, itching and burning. It affects 
both women and men, takes 24 to 48 
hours to develop and causes many peo- 
ple to fear they have herpes or AIDS. Dr 
Bruce Katz of the Columbia Presbyteri- 
an Medical Center lergy is 
wiggered by a protein in latex condoms 
or by condom Ішін 
severe allergic reaction can occur 
erupt within 30 minutes of contact, ana- 
phylactic shock sets in and, if nor treated 
quickly. the allergic person dies 

So, 10 practice truly safe sex, you 
should use both a lambskin condom and 
a latex one and be sure you have the 
right one on the inside. But since both 
partners might be allergic to latex, you 
should really wear three condoms—a la- 
tex one in the middle and lambskin ones 
on both the inside and the outside—a 
sort of latex sandwich. IF you won't do 
that, then be on the lookout for hives 


says the 


cases, а 
hives 


that break out within half an hour of 
d have Dr. Katz standing by 
with a gurney at Columbia Presbyterian 

My research in safe sex has thorough- 
ly exhausted me. 1 
least, given up intercourse. | find myself 
turning on channel 35 after midnight. 
with its continual commercials for phone 
sex and hookers, which are so graphic 
1 had previously assumed them to be 
of interest solely to gynecologists. One 
wants to watch this with a condom over 
one’s head. 

The other night I did something 1 
haven't done in many years. I lay on a 
bed for three hours, fully clothed, while 
kissing and fondling a similarly clothed 
woman, with no expectation of consum- 
mation in the foreseeable future. 

Necking. For three hours. Neither of 
us is a virgin. I'm in my 50s and have a 
son in the first grade. My partner is in 
her 40s and has two sons in college. And 
Г am here to tell you that lying fully 
dothed on a bed for three hours with 
her, just necking, was the hottest, sweet- 
est, most erotic three hours I've spent in 
the vicinity of a bed in I don't know how 
many decades. 

There were no anxicties about AIDS, 
about latex allergies, about perfor- 
mance, about intimacy. I was free to con- 
centrate on the feel and the smell and 
the sounds and the taste of my partner 
It was totally all right with me that con- 
summation was not in the foreseeable fu- 
ture. It might be all right with me if con- 
summation did not occur until we make 
a soli landing on Venus. 

1 told this to my partner: I said, of 
course ГИ keep trying and you keep re- 
sisting, because thar is part of the fi 
but please don't construe my actions as 

ny sort of pressure to submit. I couldn't 
believe I was actually saying this. 

What on earth has happened to me? 1 
think, finally, that what has happened to 
me is safe sex. 


ve, temporarily at 


LiL’ BABYS TURN SIGNAL. 
1S GUARANTEED To STAY 
ON FOR THE LiFe OF 


PLAYBOY 


CHILL OUT (continued from page 116) 


"Summer wouldn't be summer in Great Britain with- 
out amber-colored Pimm's No. 1 Cup." 


superpremium brand, such as Absolut, 
Finlandia, Stolichnaya Cristall, Wybo- 
rowa or Tanqueray Sterling, with tonic 
water and a twist of lemon. 

There's also the Long Island iced tea, 
considered by many to be the ultimate 
antidote for a hot day. lt is composed of 
onc teaspoon of superfine sugar blend- 
cd with an ounce cach of vodka, gin. 
light rum, tequila and lemon juice, plus 
four ounces of cola, Sip this drink slowly: 
it packs a powerful punch. 

The mint julep is a long drink closely 
associated with Kentucky Derby Day. To 
make it, muddle four mint sprigs, one 
teaspoon of sugar and a few drops of wa 
ter in the bottom of your collins glass. Af- 
ter the inside of the glass is liberally 
rubbed with the mint, toss the sprigs 
aside and fill the glass three quarters full 
with crushed ice. Add three ounces of 
top-grade bourbon, such as Booker 
Noes True Barrel Bourbon, Wild Tur- 
key Rare Breed or Makers Mark, and 
place fresh mint sprigs on the top. Then 
drink it with a short straw. 


Many of the most popular summer- 
time mixed drinks are concocted with 
liquors lower in alcohol content (17 to 25 
percent), such as aromatized wines and 
aperitifs. The former, including dry and 
sweet vermouth (Cinzano, Noilly Prat, 
Martini & Rossi). Lillet, Dubonnet, St 
Raphaél and Punt é Mes, b 
mal wines but are flavored with natural 
ingredients such as herbs, fruit liqueurs 
or brandy, Aromatized. wines are rela- 
tively low in calories. Martini & Rossi Ex- 
wa Dry vermouth, for example, contains 
a measly 38,6 calories per ounce, making 
it ideal lor the weight-conscious crowd. 

Some exotic concoctions combine a 
matized wines, To mix a Lady Madonna, 
for example, blend one and a half ounces 
of Dubonnet Rouge with one ounce of a 
dry vermouth such as Noilly Prat White. 
Then garnish with a lemon twist 

On the stylish end of the scale is the 
Lillet champagne royale, which mixes 
two ounces of Lillet Blanc with two 
ounces of chilled champagne plus a dash 
of cassis. Serve it in a fluted champagne 


n as nor- 


glass with a twist of lemon, 

Also look for pineau des charentes. 
an aromatized wine that’s produced in 
the Charente region of southwestern 
le. What 
ntes so sublime 


France, where cognac is m. 
makes pincau des char 
is its subtle enhancement with fine co- 
nac. It's best chilled to about 50 d. 
Fahrenheit and served neat in a wine 
glass. Try the light and smoky Pierre 
Ferrand Pineau des Charentes Reserve. 

Campari, a binersweet Italian aperitil. 
tastes best when mixed with orar 
grapefruit juice, club soda or even iced 
tea. It’s also a key ingredient in the ne- 
шош. a drink named after a Florentine 
aristocrat, Legend has it that Count Ne- 
groni regularly stopped by his local café 
to enjoy a mixed drink named the ame 
icano, made Irom equal parts of Cam- 
pari and sweet vermouth served chilled 
and garnished with a twist of lemon. 
When the americano became the neigh- 
borhood rage, the count insisted. that 
the bartender add another element to 
make a diflerent drink just for him. The 
obliging bartender added one part of 
gin and an orange slice instead of a lem- 
on twist. The new drink was dubbed the 
negroni. Much to the counts chagrin. 
the negroni soon became the height of 
fashion. Of course. the americano. has 
remained a popular drink on both sides 
of the Atlantic, despite the fact that it was 
temporarily down for the count. 
mer wonlda 
without Pimm's Nc 
olored ere 
taurateur James Pimm is the main ingre- 
dient in one of the most satisfying cold 
mixed drinks, the Pimm's Original. Start 
by rubbing the inside of your collins 
then put in ice and 
add two ounces of Pimm's Cup. six 
le, a cucumber rind 
and a slice of lemon. 

Gary Regan. author of The Bartender's 
Bible likes to 


mer staple. ice-cold beer 


ces 


he summer in € Т 
1 Cup. This 
ion of English ve: 


glass with cucumbe 


ounces of lemon. 


nelude the American sum- 
in his warm- 


weather mixed-drink repertoire He 
suggests that beer enthusiasts ту mak- 
ng a lager and lime by pouring one and 


ounces of a prem 


If ounces af Rose's lime juice into 12 


y lager such as Sam- 


uel Adams. Harp or Samuel Smith's 
The g shandy involves mixing 
four ounces of ginger beer with 12 


ounces of lager. Hf you're spending lots 
of time in the sun, mix а nonalcoholic 
beer, such as Sharp's or O'Dout’s, with 
the lime juice or ginger beer 

In this era of moderation, nonalcahol- 
ic cold mixed drinks have adv 
past the rudimentary virgin mary 
Brooke Shields. for example. is a Nine- 
ties version of the Shirley Temple that 
ncludes four ounces of lemon-lime soda 
two ounces ol gi 
of grenadine and 

Ahh. summerti 


ager ale, one teaspoon 


е slice of oran 


. "2 Making bourbon 
is like being a father. 
ou nurture, protect 


and know just when 
tolet go. 


WILD 


101 proof, real Kentucky 


PLAYBOY 


148 


ınvası 


0 П continued from page 88) 


“Cyberpunks are hip to Ihe wonders of cerebral treats, 
from edible acetylcholine to nasal mist vasopressin. 


archetype of that new northern Califor- 
nia species, the New Age capitalist, 71 
was the first to market Mylar balloons 
Um always out front. I'm a trend surfer." 

Riding the frothy tide of tomorrow. 


Smart Products. honcho carves out his 
piece of the Mensa marketplace by sell- 
ing nutrients, often through health-food 


stores, where a variety of products from 
several companies can be found. "This is 
the oat bran of the Nineties.” c 


aims 


Amie Cole, holding up a jar of some 
called Brain Pep. Cole owns 
Amic's Health Food in Phoenix and now 


stocks а full line of bi enhancers with 
h names as Rise "n Shine and Brain 
Fuel. “They have pills to wake up your 
brain, nutrients to make you more cre 
ive and drops to improve your memo- 
ry,” says Cole 

You're looking at upper middle class, 
probably thirty-to-orty-vear-olds, pro- 
fessional-type people,” says Renni 
ten dollars a day, it's three hundred 
month. At twenty dollars, its six hun- 
sc itching to make the 
harsa 
professionals, if 
10 help them in their businesses, 
them sharper, it's worth it. 

Did someone say disposable income? 
Did someone say yuppie? By best esti 
m 100.000. carnest 
qualify as regula sup 
ers, and the number is growing 


dred. If you 


s going 
make 


е, some 


citizens 
chi 


cerebi 


. 

One of the oddest aspects of the whole 
smart d brace both 
the slavers and what we'll call the ravers 
Instead of the cosmic chamber of com 
the ravers are the neo- 
enlightened 20-year-olds 
th Girl and General 


al is its ability to ei 


merce clones, 
love children. 
with names like Ea 


Elektra. 


These fulltime funsters, all sporting 
reiro-Hower-child. dishabille, comprise 
the party wing of the Earth Girl, 
a.k.a. Neysa Griffith, and Barbara Liu 
both run their own roving smart bars. At 
assorted venues—ranging from private 
parties to wide-open Happenings with 
such names as Toon Town and Mister 
Floppy—Earth Girl and Liu set up their 
high-concept lemonade stands to aug- 
ment the usual batch of two-fisted pota- 
bles. In addition to being a partner in 
и Products, General Elektra. 1. 
Michelle Barnett, functions as the PR 
person lor the entire scene. In this way, 
she serves as a perky liaison between the 
wor sand hard-core ravers. 

A typical smart-bar party es a 
liver shaking sound system, black lights, 
mind-melting rear projections and flash- 
strobes. And there's the guest list: 
technofreaks who are so enlightened 
that even their drinks are sm; 

“We arc the kids who weren't consid- 
ered cool when we were growing up,” 
says Earth Girl. “1 was a total lone 
al troubled pup, with an 


aday sl 


a 


ing disord 


“Oh, sure you could. All it takes is a little practice.” 


the whole thir 


St too smart. 

“The first a y time I did ecstasy, 
T had a vision that I wanted то make this 
world better for kids 
lame, E guess, if you don't ge 
that’s what Ги doing with my life, wi 
my products, my line of smart drinks: 

Earth Girl now wears only purple and 
green (they're on the right wavelength) 
and boasts red dreadlocks. With. her 
partners, the Foxy Seven, she manufac- 
tures her own smart drinks called Ener- 
gy Elickshure and Psuper Psonic Psyber 
Tonic. She complements, in demeanor 
and personal history, the new brced of 
iniacs obsessed with computer net- 
working, virtual reality, industrial music 
and, most important, nontoxic cerebral 
enhancement. 

In San Francisco. thanks to a happy 
accident of cultu geography, the 
smart movement is fused with the com- 
puter hackers. Cyberpunks are hip to 
the wonders of cerebral treats, from edi- 
ble acetylcholine to nasal 
pr And Mondo 2000 is the maga- 
zine that caters to the smart crowd. What 
Guns п" Roses is 10 Julio Iglesias, Mondo 
2000 is vo Omni, Science and PC World. 1s- 
sues of Mondo offer articles ranging from 
"Guerrilla Semiotics” t0 the ever-popu- 
lar ^Fringe Science: Does She Do the 
Vulcan Mindmeld on the First Date?” 
Not surprisingly, the magazine's San 
Francisco-based staff. аге sell-declared 
smarties, “Are You,” asks another fe 
ture, "as Smart as Your Dru, 

R. U. Sirius, the long-haired cherub 
who serves as Mondo's editor in chief. 
once inhaled a blast of vasopressin for 

BBC camera crew. "This stuf” he 
opined on camera, “is a real kick. Not 
something for building a better brain in 
the future. It’s something for feeling 
very stimulated and interested at à very 
high bandwidth in the here and now.” 

This said, Sirius scooped up a plastic 
ray gun and fired away 

"Steroids for stockbrokers.” says Sir- 
"That's a phrase we use 10 indicate 
we are moving from psychedelic, 
hedonistic drugs into perfor 
ented drags. We have steroids for the 
body and intelligence-incre gs 
for the mind. If you're climbing the cor- 
porate ladder: really afford not 
10 have » 


It sounds 
it but 


c me 


mist vaso 


чуна 


ince-ori- 


sing dr 


can you 


his advantage? 


OF course, for young and reckless 
ravers, shimmying up the corporate lad 
der is not exactly a top priority. Some- 


times being smart isn't a priority, either. 
Is much more fun to at nmoth 
blissed-out dance fests fueled by ecstasy 
d LSD, The conflict ad 
benders and mind enhancers stands out 
as the proverbial b 


dl n 


between 


€ noire of sn 


drug promoters. One young 
his voice just loud enough over the in- 

isir jan Francisco's Club 
DVS to explain things: "You go all night 


1 music 


doing ecs or acid. it can r 
down. That's why smart d 
They keep you from goi 
They keep your br 
ished.” 
Aro Psychedelic Apocalypse, Toon 
h-ballyhooed New Year's 


йу run you 


g vam- 
xd body 


lowns m 


Nutrient Cale—the on-site si 
the Apocalypse—is mobbed. “We 
coolest thing happening,” says Beau- 
mont, smiling in his jester’s hat. Asked 
about the use of LSD and ecstasy among 
nkers, he waxes philosophic. 
ve evolved beyond drugs. 
not so interested іп blowing 
minds. Smart nutrients make peo- 
ple feel clear—unlike drugs.” Beau- 
monts biggest concern is getting the 
word out. "It's sad that there are big- 
money interests who want to suppress 
this infor ion, but inevitably the truth 
will come out. Even the skeptics admit 
that smart drugs will inevitably exist. We 

in the vanguard of a technological 


е 
revolution." 

Call it smart chic. The real thrill of the 
movement lies not just in the possession 
of some exotic pills and powders but in 
the knowledgr of them. As one wild-cyed 
technobohe 
the authorities tried to tell us we cant 
possess and develop these things any- 


jan likes to point out: “IF 


more, we're so wired into international 
computer user networks, we could relay 
any information they want to suppress 
before Big Brother could do anything 
about it.” 

Jack in! Boot up! Rave on! The trend- 
generating aspect of marrying computer 
hacking and all-night dancing is clearly 
here now, in a real-life revenge of the 
nerds. Smart drinks are tailor-made for 
cruising both the dance floor and the 
discount sofiware outlet. "I take this 
ми” says General Elektra, “and I only 
have io sleep two or three hours a night. 
I can work, communicate, dance hard 
until eight in the morning, then bas 
go straight to work.” 

Which isn't bad, so lor y 
in surgeon. (More specifically, my 
n surgeon.) But General Elektra 
boasts no such esoteric post. "My parents 
were hippies,” she says. "Mom was in est, 
Dad did Gestalt. It’s not like drugs hold 
some big thrill 


drug takers 
may make, for some smart barhoppers. 
the whole point of brain beverages is 
that they keep you going. (Kind of like cof- 
fee, but fruitier, without that bowel- 
dutching edge.) General Elektra looks 
down her nose at those who use phar- 
maceuticals. "Everybody 1 know who 
takes the pills is, like, completely humor- 
less. They may be Іше Einsteins, but 
they're dull as dishwater.” 

Hey, | don't want to be dull. So I de- 


cide 10 slurp a few. Liu, proprietor of Go 
Girl Concessions, offers me her own par- 
ticular potion. “Drink a couple of these, 
buster, and your motor stays revved,” 
she says. “Keeps vou hı ng, know 
what I mean. 
And it does. They all do. Irs been 
weeks, months, I d 
ll awake. Maybe I'm sm 
Um not. After as little as two weeks of 
what Morganthaler calls an “attack dose’ 
of piracetam and hydergine, supple- 
mented by alternating doses of. Beau- 
monts Renew-U and Earth Girl's Psu- 
per Psonic Psyber Tonic, I notice that I 
hardly sleep at all. There are moments 
when | might be а teensy-weensy bit 
sharper, quicker or bramier. But what 1 
really notice is the energy, I have a lot of 
t. Too much, perhaps. But energy aint 
brains. Duracell batteries have energy. 
So when I stop taking things afier a 
month, I feel, in my ignorance, no stu- 
pider. I just sleep more. 1 also don't talk 
as much. And | remember that dumb 
drugs can make you feel somewhere be- 
tween enhanced and om Lent, toc 
So what happened to me, and why 
peck at the ingredients in these supple- 
ments proves 
Beaumont Renew-U label c 
its a “renewing and alerting b 
rotransmitter mix created to rev 
ize an overstimulated body and mind. 
The key word, I think, is 
laed.” One of die key ir 


rt know, and Um 


‚ter, maybe 


lumina 


ms that 


overstimu- 
rediens. is 


м 


PLAYBO 


150 


L-phenylalanine, an amino acid favored 
by veteran health-food shoppers as a po- 
tent up. Hs the chemical in chocolate and 
arame that accounts for that rush 
get from candy ba 

And speaking of overstimulation, 
feine—usually held in worse repute than 
bacon among health-food lovers—is ac- 
tually an important ingredient in at least 
three popular smart drinks. Blast, Fast 
Blast and Energy Elickshure all pack 80 
milligrams of caffeine, slightly less than 
your standard cup of coffee. 

Earth Girl's Psuper Psonic Psyber Ton- 
ic features another amino acid, choline. 
The label defines the concoction as ^a 
neurotech tonic and imaginative сі 
hancer of cognitive consciousness. Ir illu- 
ates your mind with the magical 
workings of Ginkgo Biloba, the oldest 
species of tree known to WoMankind, 
and the mind-massaging properties of 
choline, an amino acid which ша ns 
and repairs mind fabric.” 

Earth Girl's concoction offers Cracker 


sor diet soda. 


Jacks-style prizes inside. (| plucked а 
pink plastic lotus-flower ring.) Beau- 
mont's consciousness juice is heavy on 
the amino acid precursor t n 
item about which he's amassed a stack 
and a half of scientific papers proving its 
effectiveness in curbing cocaine addic- 
tion. Choose your antipoison! 
P 

Either way—drinks or drugs—if you 
are the type who wants to hear what 
hard-core science has to say, you may be 
less than encouraged. Scientists on both 
sides of the Atlantic have applied them- 
selves to the fundamental question of 
whether we can actually gulp something 
10 make us smarter. The answer from 
the no-nonsense world of academia is a 
resounding “not likely.” 

Dr. James McGaugh, director of Uni- 
versity of California-Irvine's Depart- 
ment of Psychobiology, stands out as a 
leading, highly visible detractor of cog- 
nitive enhancers. Known among pr 
smarties as “the rat guy,” Dr. MeGaugh 


rosine, 


get 


Feeling heady? Ready to step up to cerebral supercharging? Then prepare 
10 face a bewildering new terminology. The following glos 
nados or trying to deci 


when discussing smart drugs with ah 
on packages of 


Smart drugs 


Pisacelam: A popular noouopi 
learning and memory s 
improvi 

the br 


n. 


Hylergine: Big-time mnemonic miracle is the claim by those who experience 
a flood of memories from decades gone by as if they had just happened. 
и nasal spray and a pituitary 
drug devotees, a few whifls can replenish your pituitary defi 
Rumored to be a genuine hangover helpe 


Vasopressin: 
the sma 


Smart nutrients 

Dimelhylaminoethanol: Touted for its brain-expanding properties when ingest- 
ed over several weeks, Present in sardines and anchovie: 
of acetylcholine, which is the neurotransmitter that 
supposedly plays an important role in memory. 
choline, the more acetylcholine, and the more 


Choline: The precurso 


teeth-grinding and an: 
drinks can contain large amounts 


is popularly known as 


neurotransr 
aggression. 

Thiamine and pyridoxine: V 
of smart drinks. Thiamine is an an 
tissues from alcohol, drugs and oth 


ter t 


who cat high-protei 


smart 


THE NEW BRAIN BOOSTERS AND WHAT THEY DO 


g the flow of information between the right a 


ient Chinese herb, ephedra тісі 
est speed. Sometimes sold as ma huang, a dos 
1y-provoking as a dose of a real 
in 
ephedra is a standard ingredient in nasal decongestants 

L-phenylalanine: А ubiquitous amino acid that 


Irenaline for your brain. Professional 


crucial to alertness, concentration, motivation and 


xidant that can reportedly protect nerve 
г neuropollutants, Ру 
to optimal mental functioning. It's said to be pa 
diets, which result in an elevated need for Bg. 


should help 
pher the labels 


arma-talk for drugs that i 
it is supposedly a brain waker-upper, 
nd left hemispheres of 


hormone. If you believe 
ncy. 


. A low-key stimulant. 


fo oversimplify, the more 
:etylcholine, the better the 


so be called nature's old- 
stuff can be every bit as 
iphetamine. Smart 
ts more mundane manifestation. 


of thi 


produces epinephrine, which 
also 
айса excitatory 


idoxine is essential 
ble for people 


ti 


has spent much time studying the effects 
of neu on rodents. 
Bur, alas, his findings are decidedly dif- 
ferent from General Elektra's or Earth 
Girl's. "Nothing is dumber than the 
ject of smart drugs.” he says 
these drugs have been around for 
There have been a few pub- 
lished studies showing they may have 
some mildly enhancing eflecis in ani- 
mals. But there's no known mechanism 
of action, and the effects on lab animals 
are, at best. weak. The effects on humans 
border on nonexistent. Of course, the 
field of investigation is legitimate, but 
the book Smart Drags and Nutrients is not 
a legitimate science book. It's not a bal- 
anced view of the literature in the field. 

"Their whole approach is about as se- 
rious as astrology. Some of the drugs be- 
ng promoted as cognitive enhancers are 
just the opposite—they are cognitive 
pairers,” explains MeGaugh. “That's why 
so many of my colleagues are bitter and 
angry. It cheapens our held.” 

Scientists suggest that whatever. en- 
hancement smart-drug enthusiasts claim, 
it is less a product of brain chemistry 
than of wishful thinking. Steven Rose, of 
the Brain and Behavior Research Group 
at England's Open University, offered a 
withering assessment of nootropics and 
any claims made for them. hese 
drugs," Rose said during a television in- 
terview, in a voice that dripped with a ra- 
nal man's contempt for those ninni 
who think wishing makes it so. “are sup- 
posed to work by speeding up synapses 
Ifa normal person takes drugs for this 
purpose. the best that can happen is the 
placebo effect. Nearly all drugs, howev- 
er, work under those circumstances." 

Worse, according 10 Rose, if the de- 
e imaginary, the unde: 
re all too real. 
agents have a whole range of side е 
fects,” Rose insisted. Take vasopressi 
Mondo man К. U. Sirius. favor 
mone. Try this stuff, we learned. and 
you're in for “pallor, nausea, belching 
cramps, desire to defecate, etc.” 

Smaredrug and nutrient. believers 
nevertheless с they feel great. no 
mauer what the pesky men of science 
say. After all, as General Elektra 
remind us, certain results ar 
able. "People ask me, alter 
dancing all night and geting wild and 
drinking smart drinks, if I think Em ac- 
tually smarter, and | have to laugh. 1 
mean, what the hell? I see people gulp- 
ing down dumb drinks, snorting dumb 
drugs, smashing their cars and acing 
like complete idiots. Meanwhile, I don't 
smash my car, feel great the next day 
nd do more with my life than I eve 
imagined in my wildest dreams. You tell 
me, who's the smart one?” 


El 


Some of 


decade: 


m- 


sired results a r- 


able ones | these 


e hoi 


Гуе been 


MARIO CUOMO 


(continued from page 132) 
father used to make sandwiches for in 
the grocery store. We made а house, We 
lost twenty-eight hundred dollars. Then 
we made another house. We broke even 
Then they made three houses. They 
made a four-thousand-dollar profit, and 
now they're going crazy. Then they 
made six houses and they really made 
money, and they wanted to build an 
apartment house and 1 stopped them 
So they went back to the houses that 
they'd built and hired themselves out as 
patio builders 

"But they had these terrific arguments 
all the time—red brick, gray brick, what 
Kind of design—they fought all the time. 
And in the end they always resolved the 
problem the same way, with my father 
conceding. And he always conceded in 
the same language: "Im gonna do it 
vour way. Rosario, because you're older 
than ] am. I do this out of respect.” 
Rosario was two years older. / do this out 
of respect because you're older. Perfect. It 
saved face for my father and it got the 
thing resolved. without anybody admit- 
ting he was wrong." 

М 

One of three children, Cuomo was the 
only one to go to college, where, he says, 
he would have been "an odds-on favorite 
to be voted least likely 
lic person. Asocial, 1 was not a natural 
for public life. 1 was a good lawyer and 
reasonably had a 
client in the house in twenty years. I nev- 
er brought anyone home. Are you kid- 
ding? In my house? Forget it. My house 
ny family. Friends sometimes. But 
client or a partner. 

“Matilda is perfect at the public life. 
She goes to Italy, Spain, Japan, you put 
nywhere, anytime—with the Rock- 
h the Whitneys—she goes to 
k at Saratoga and takes the gov- 
ernor's box; I went once and I didn't like 
it. They took my picture and put it with 
a horse. 

“L don't like gi 
Ope 
easy thing to do. 
io Cuomo and Matilda Кай 
in the cafeteria of St. John's University in 
Queens. She was studying to be a teach- 
er and he was thinking law school. He 
signed up to play baseball with the Pitts- 
burgh Pirates. And she said, "Oh, Га 
never marry a baseball player.” 

Matilda Cuomo never refers to her 
husband by name or honorific; he is al- 
ways “my husband.” She still wears the 
modest. di; 
gave her when he received his bonus 
from the Pirates. For a combination of 
reasons—including, one supposes, М 
tilda’s disapproval and his f 
Cuomo's baseball ca 
especially after he was hit in the head 


ю become a pub- 


successful. 1 never 


ng up my pr 
yourself to the world is not an 


асу 


met 


mond engagement ring he 


hers— 


and crashed into what Matilda calls the 
back fence of the ballpark 

Her family was comfortably well-off 
But she earned the money that saw him 
through his first year of law school. And 
if he applied for help, it was to his family, 
not to hers. He kept the conventional 
contract. 

When first married, 
furnished apartment. The only new 
thing they had, the governor says, was a 
newly upholstered green sofa, given to 
them because “the landlady fell in love 
with Matilda. And the only thing we had 
in the place that was our own was a mat- 
tress, because my mother wouldn't let 
me sleep on someone else's mattress. 

“We moved to a third-floor walk-up. I 
hadn't finished school Matilda was 
pregnant with our second child. 1 said, 
Pop. Matilda can't work anymore'—she 
— you қопа put me in your 


they lived in a 


house.” 

"Pop didn't even have a bedroom. So 
we slept for about a year on a sofa in the 
living room—we hung a blanket on an 
arch for privacy. When we walked in car- 
rying our few possessions, my father said 
(presumably because the Cuomos took 
seriously the Church's command against 
artificial contraception], "You and th: 
Pope—I knew you were going to get me 
into trouble” Не wasn't the world's most 
religious man. And then the walk-up. 
You had to carry a baby carriage up 
three Hights of stairs; and every time you 
had а baby, you had to wor bout how 
you were gonna make it, how you were 
gonna pay for this kid. We had a good 
life. But it was hard in those years. Espe- 
cially for Matilda.” Finally, they moved 
to а $24,000 Cape Cod house. Mario 
finished the basement and the attic and 
added rooms—and they raised five kids 
there. with no outside help. It wasn’t, by 
anyone's account, easy 

Cuomo came to prominence in New 
York City chiefly on the strength of his 
pro bono intervention on behalf of peo- 
ple in Corona who were fighting the city 
bureaucracy to keep their schools and 
homes from the bulldozer, Thereafter, 
Mayor John Lindsay asked him to medi- 
between the prosperous Jews of For- 
est Hills, Queens, and the city, which was 
planning to build housing for low-in- 
come and welfare families in Forest 
Hills. He achieved à successful compro- 
mise. And he was paid, in Corona, with 
jars of tomato sauce. 

In his diaries, Cuomo writes of Matil- 
da's being “understandably unhappy 
with the fact that I haven't been able to 


provide her with the things her friends 
have.” 
The Cuomos have two sons, Andrew 


and Christophe 
Ma 
treprencur; Madeline, a lawyer. 
also have three grandchildren. 
Maria is married to shoe desi 
Kenneth Cole. When the governor told 


and three daughu 
aret, а radio) 


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his mother that Maria was going to mar 
th some trepidation, 
the first thing is, he's Jewish.” 

His mother said. “Jewish? 
they'll work that out 
a shoemaker?’ 
thel Kennedy, whose d: 
ied to Cuom 


ry Cole, he said, w 


That's noth- 
But why did 


she have to marr 


ter Kerry is ma 
son, Andrew, met the gove 
she said, “What 
п, so poised." 
“No, not pc 
said. "What yoi 


or's mother, 


PLAYBOY 


ordinary wom- 


7 the governor 
mean is that she didn't 


fall down when she met a Kennedy.” 


putting up 
ing down the other 
couple of real big fist 
was terrible." By most accounts 
Andrew's is the pol 
most closely heeds. His son was run- 
ng the Bronx mayoralty headquarters 
in 1977 when he was only 19. The gov- 
ernor likes to tell stories about him. 
"When he was thirteen, fourteen, he 
cutting people's 


guys. He had 


e the gover- 


grass. He's tremendous with his hands— 
automobiles, engines of any kind. Took 
old lawnmowers, rebuilt’ them, used 
them. He went into business with 
rankie Vitale, Pete-the-cop’s son from 
next door. Their slogan was “We Clip 
You Good.” He never took a penny from 
me to go to school, Went to Fordham— 
al science—and never took a pen- 
He worked AAA eme 
trucks all night every night. He'd sleep 
on the Ноог in the den next to the 
phone, with his grease-monkey outfit 
on, and if it rang, he'd get up, jump into 
a truck, go out on a call, come back. If he 
needed four hundred or five hundred 
dollars more, he'd go out, buy an old car 
and work on it for a week or two, and 
sell it and make a couple hundred. 
Never came to us fora penny.” 

Andrew builds transitional, affordable 
housing lor the homeless and the work- 
ing poor, with construction grants from 
public sources. His nonprofit organiza 
tion, HELP, also provides what he calls 
а continuum of care” —day care, recre- 
ation, counseling. health care and other 


on ncy 


the 


"Oh . . . you want vanilla. .. . I'm sorry, 1 could 
swear you ordered gorilla... .” 


on-site services. The program has been 
called a model of its kind. 

Christopher, the Cuomos younger 
son, was only four years old when his 
father entered public life: “We went 
through all these experiences as a family, 
and that was beautiful. But Chris was 
locked out—he was too young.” 

Christopher greets his mother in the 
gubernatorial mansion she has had re- 
furbished with money from the p 
sector: (It is difficult to imagine the re 
less governor sitting in designer Mark 
Hampton's tame, chintzy dining room, 
and equally difficult to imagine him den- 
ating Matilda’s taste.) The good-look- 
s as sweet and loving 
nd respectful as any parent could wish. 
He's just finished reading his father's di 
aries: "Man," he told. father, “you had 
a lot of guilt, always worrying about not 
doing enough for us." It’s guilt that the 
69% 211-pound Yale senior doesn't 
think his lather carned. Christopher is 
captain of the rugby team. He's thinking 
about law school and alrcady struggles 
with the inequities of the legal system. 
His fair brow is creased with concern. 

In the renovated, bluc-and-white-tiled 
iichen of the mansion, Matilda keeps 
neat books labeled “Summer Recipes,” 
"Winter Recipes.” She cooks her hus- 
band’s favorite foods on the weekends— 
lamb shanks baked till the meat falls off 
the bone, crisp potatoes 

The governor uses the family as a 
model for governing. This image ignite: 
passions; it antagonizes some people 
who are in unconventional living ar- 
rangements. “I'm not talking about a pa 
terfamilias, a mother figure, a father 
figure,” he says. “I use the analogy in a 
slightly different way. The essence of the 
family is to share blessings and burdens. 
Families were organized in primitive 
times to protect against the beast, against 
alien forces. That notion of community, 
that notion. of serving one another's 
needs, as simple as it is, is the essential 
notion. Irs what we've been missing in 
ment the past ten 
years, when we've had the period of the 
individual instead of the period of the 
community: ‘God helps these whom 
God has helped. If He left you out, don't 
ask us to make the adjustment. If you're 
ing it, it must be that you did 
something wrong. All that the govern- 
ment will do for you is not get in you 
way and protect you against foreign em 
mies. For the rest, you're on your own 
And if you're homeless, you probably 
need to be. And if you're poor 


our national gov 


not mal 


"s prob- 
к 
to knock ourselves out helping you 
you're supposed to help yourself. It's 
government for the fit and the f 

nate, and those not fit and less fort 
aren't our concern. That kind of indi- 
vidualism they dressed up—you know, 
the pioneer heroes and frontier macho, 
the whole image was the individual who 


ably because you're lazy, We're not g 


did it by himself. 1 don't need you and 
I dont need government.” Well, that's 
nice. Except the world isn't like that 

“Г have these five beautiful kids, five 
great kids. Now if 1 had taken Andrew 
when he was two years old and emptied 
him out into South Jamaica 
Ме fornicating on th 
took the state police to visit there—three 


it is now, 


with streels—1 


o'clock in the afternoon, on the damn 
street in th 
Now, you put a kid out there where he 
learns to become familiar with the sound 


middle of the afternoon 


of gunfire before he ever hears an or 
chestra, and you tell me he's going to 
grow up to be Andrew who houses the 
homeless, who's charming, who marries 
Kerry Kennedy? If Margaret's mother 
had men over every night and was living 


on welfare, do you think Margaret was 
going to get to be a doctor? What is the 
chance that they're going to wind up 
that way? The difference between my 
kids and their kids is the accident of the 
environment. That kid you empty out 
into the street, he’s going to need some- 
thing, he can't do it on his own, And 
that's my emotional family, sharing my 
blessings and my burdens.” 

The man who might have been Presi- 
dent says his private life “would proba- 
bly be regarded as so drab, so boring, so 
one-dimensional, it would surprise peo- 
ple. Public life is a strain. Mayor David 
Dinkins is naturally public, He enjoys it 
so much, hell make three, four, five 
stops а night, go to parties and stull ev- 
erywhere, At gunpoint, I might go to a 
party in Manhattan. Not because 1 don’t 
like the people. But to put on a tuxedo 
and sit for an hour and a half ata table 
you want me to make small talk? No.” 

This naturally brings us to a question 
he couches in somewhat different terms 
than I would: Should you judge an indi- 
vidual by his or her private life? “E think 
this is an easy question. I don't think it's 
a question of should. 1 think it's а ques- 
tion of, Do people judge that way? The 
answer is yes. So many do that it be- 


comes a reality and must be dealt with by 
the public figure 

“If your private life proves to be an 
embarrassment to you in your public 
life, then that’s it—you ve asked for it. 
Gary Hart, Ted Kennedy, Barney Frank. 
Can I make the argument that it should 
be irrelevant? Sure Lean. I can make the 
argument that whatever the priest says 
from the pulpit, if it is beautiful and 
soaring and inspirational, that’s what's 
important—not the fact that the priest is 
a good person. But if you discover that 


the priest is not 


good person. it's going 


to alfect the way you judge the sermon, 
whether it should or it shouldn't. There- 
fore. that becomes an operative fact. All 
th 


rest is academic talk.” 


He has been talking in a lawyerly way. 


But his dryness yields to vexation: “Now 


that you mention it, is something of 
а pet peeve of mine. | don't want to 


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153 


PLAYBOY 


154 


hear that Abraham Lincoln had const 
pation, that he drank purple fluid— 
some stuff that they gave him, who 
knows what. Maybe his form of grappa. 1 
don't care what it was. Abraham Lincoln 
is larger to me than Abraham Lincoln 
the grubby individual with dirt und 
his nails. Abraham Lincoln is an ide: 
political poetry, heroism, courage. | 
don't want to hear that Sir Thomas More 
was not a great man, that he ha 
tating faults. E have plenty of 
my life. What I want is the symbolism оГ 
him, the inspiration. Don’t tell me about 
Joe DiM: nd his personal life. Joe 
DiMaggio is the ultimate in grace and 
skill and beauty in a ballpark, and th 
nt to hear that he 
which he might have 


s 
what counts. I don't w 
was a cheapskate 


been. So don’t bother me with that. 


ow, all this is anti-intellectual. Well, 
so what? Who said the intellect is every- 
thing? Doesn't emotion count? Do you 
have to be purely intellectual? What a 
terrible way that would be. Imagine. 
Would you cry? Would you laugh?” 

His face is the face of a man who's 
laughed and cried a lot. 

Not long ago, he was asked whether 
he would ke revelations about К 
personal life if he ran for office, Неа 
swered that he would—as soon as Bush 
did and to the extent that Bush d 

Bush? Oh, Bush is a good man. He's 
American. He's honorable. He's sac- 
rificing now to be President. I think hi 
intent ıs good. I think hes probably а 
very civil kind of person, a man of ci- 
vility. You say I'm describing a WASP? 
Could be. Its a definition that conforms 
10 lots of things. He has to take abuse, he 
has to make terribly difficult judgments, 
he has to sacrifice his peace of mind, his 
family, he has to make his children vul- 
nerable. If his son had been the son ofan 
oil dealer, its one thing. It's another 
thing if the son of the President is in- 
volved in the S&L scandal. He has to live 
with his conscience. He has to give in- 
structions to Kill hundreds of thousands 
of people. Why should I assume that 
wouldn't bother him as much as it would 
e it would.” This is qui 
tial Cuomo: the compassion. and 
the irony like a gleaming dagger. 


His offi 
governor and 


taking the 
meeting of com- 
ty leaders in Westchester, has been 
forced down 16 times because of mc- 
chanical problems. This is not reassur- 


ing. “The helicopt * he says. 
hat would В if the plane 
crashed sight?” the gover- 
nor Splat. Listen—the 


worst you can do is get killed. The ulti- 
mate vindication comes after the pl 
goes down. Am 1 scared? I used to be 
concerned that God forbid—any- 
thing should happen, it would be bad for 
my "They would still miss me a lit- 
de bit, but it wouldn't be as bad as when 


they were very young. Couldn't hurt, r 
ally. It happens to so many people.” 
Death, he means. "You're going to live 
See, in my case, I have the 
iming problem. If I wait too 
Matilda won't be able to marry 
nd that’s not fair, either 
chat on a stuttering plane 

“Would I read my kid's diary if he left 
ound? My answer to you ts по.” he 
ing no room for doubt that the 
eal answer is y How could you resist 
и? What, are you crazy? HE he's still in the 
If he's eighteen, nineteen, even 
twenty? What would drive you to 
would be sick curiosity. Or he: 
iosity. What you would provide as a ra- 
ti le is: 1 have to know whether this 
kid is on drugs. Is he in trouble? I have 
an obligation to read it. What happens 
when you find out he's got a girlfriend? 

“Here's a true story that shows you 
how silly parents can be. Andrew is 
maybe seventeen years old, maybe six- 
teen. Of course, he's a very attractive kid 
and he has a lot of friends— 
like to think about that. Гуе never h 
discussion with any of my kids about sex. 
Why? Number one: They know more 
than I do about it, it's an embarrass- 
ment. I don't like to have a discussion 
with them where they have the advaı 
tage. Secondly, parents are not the best 
place to get it from. So we don’t get into 
things like that. But 1 know he has girl- 
friends and that's fine. I get up very ear- 
ly in the morning, its sull dark. And I 
forgot to put my stuff out the night be- 
fore, so 1 have to feel around in my 
drawer for my briefs. The damn thing is 
empty, no briefs. Where could ту briefs 
be? Uh-huh! I 
bedroom. Andi 
built-in drawers where I know he keeps 
his underwear, and | reach in and I feel 
around and I pull out what I think are a 
pair of my briefs. 1 go into the hall, close 
the door to his bedroom. and turn on 
the light to see what briefs Tve come 
away with 

“Here are 
zebra stripes. 

“I go crazy. What is this? This is terri- 
ble. I open his door. Matilda! Look at 
what your son is doin 

The roar of the plane and his own 
laughter interrupt the governor's т 
niscences. But not for long. 

“Maria kept bringing home these 
boys. "Dad, she said, “I don't ask you for 
à lot, can | ask you for onc thi Will 
you stop making those faces at the guys 
when they pick me up? 

What faces: 
Those terrible 
hard and cranky a 
them 

“1 was taken aback. 
ever said anything te 

No. she said, ‘you don't have to 
Just, ГИ be here when you g 
“They make you feel so foolish. What 


forever? 
exquisite 
long. 


says, lea 


pair of bikini briefs. With 


faces. Ye 


т face gets 
as you meet 


soon 


"Have 1 
ny of them? 


1 said. 


parenthood drives you to is really 
pathetic. 

“Fm reluctant to give my own kids ad- 
vice. I always start the same way. by apol- 
ogizing. Lers face it. Who are we? Who 
are we to teach them about love when 
they heard us arguing in the bedroom? 
Who are we to teach them about making 
a better world when we gave them two 
? Who are we to teach them how to 
connect to God when we have failed so 
many times ourselves? Who are we to tell 
them not to worry about life when we're 
still scared to death about them? And ГЇЇ 
tell vou something: When they get mar- 
ried, we'll be wor . When they have 
kids, we'll be worried. Well never be 
confident that they can do it right. So 
let's abandon the notion of giving them 


wai 


any advice.” 

What he wants the kids to hear is: "We 
love you. Forgive us. We worry about 
you all the time. We make dumb mis 
takes. We're clumsy about it. But that’s 
the way we ate, and probably that's the 
ing to be. When does your 
fam 
Not when you die, Never.” 

. 

"sell you а story. My m 
hty-nine. When she was well, she 
used to take a pregnant woman and say. 
Im gonna tell you what the baby's 
gonna be, you wanna know? 

“Yes, Масша 
nd she'd put a 


her is now 


rcle of salt on the 
floor and she'd say, Now I want you to 
sit in the middle of the circle. Now 1 
want you to get up, but get up slowly.” So 
the woman would raise herself with her 
right hand or her left hand. And my 
mother would write on a card and put it 
in a jewelry box and lock the box. She 
says, "When the baby comes, we'll open 
the box. And they'd ask her “Macu, 
whars the important thing? Whether 
you used the right hand or the left 
hand? When the woman had the baby, 
at the appropriate time she'd open the 
box. She was never wrong. Twenty 
times, twenty-five as nev 
wrong. But once my older brothe 
ly my older brother would have had the 
nerve—said, "But Ma, how do we know 
that you don't go back and change the 
cards? I'm not going to accuse you of 
that, we would never do that. I want to 
hear you tell me you don't do that. She 
says, "Shut up. 

"She didn't lic. There's cleverness in 
their wonderful superstition. A lor of it 
was a high form of cuteness 


s, she м 


me people would say that a high 
t Mario 


form of cuteness is a lot of wh 
Cuomo is about. He doesn't lie 

“I never tell a Ве” а 17th Century 
monk, Sarpi, said. ^I never tell a lie, but 
the truth not to everybody. 

. 

Cuomo strikes опе as a penitential 
kind of person. Almost everyone who 
has spent any time with him remarks on 


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this. Maybe it's just a finely honed sense 
of that inner dislocation and. universal 
alienation we call original sin. Maybe 
There are clues in the Diaries of Mario M. 
Cuomo, but it would take a hound of God 
to unravel their elliptical meaning. 


Has anything ever been so useless 
as the momentary acclaim of а 
world that does not know you, no 
matter how "public? Glory? The 
fear of shame and rejection is much 
more powerful a force than the d 
sire for glory. . .. How you are trou- 
bled to think that even being tr 
bled is cause for guilt, Because 
selfish As long as you are s 
ish . .. you are doomed to frustra- 
tion. ‘Me’ is a bottomless pit which 
cannot be filled, no matter how 
much achievement, glory or acclaim 
you try shoveling into it. If only we 
were good enough to do perfectly 
what we know would work perfectly. 
But we can't. . . . Because being re- 
quired to love denies me too many 
of the delights of being loved or ap- 
ded or smiled upon. And if that 
is the case, then aren't you silly—as 
Matilda would say—because you 
know those delights don't last 
You've tried them. You've had 
them. They don't work For 
God's sake, you know the truth! The 
truth is that the only way to make 
anything of your life is to be what 
you know you're supposed to be, to 
fight the good fight. To finish the 
race, to keep the faith Ive 
not—truly enough—kept the faith 
Tve hurt people by bad example. 
even . . . my own family. . .. That is 
the truth and it is part of the pain 
in my chest. ... The desire for the 
transitory. . .. Г have never had as 
much to undo as I do now and I 
have never had as much to compen- 
sate for as I do now. 


Is guilt a form of narcissism, а per- 
verse form of sell-admiration? “No,” he 
says. “Narcissism is seeing yourself. as 
more beautiful than you are. Guilt may 
well be seeing yourself as uglier than you 
are. Excessive guilt can be as disgusting 
as narcissism) and as self-indulgent 


“What makes you happy?” 
“Thats a hard one,” he sa 
“Would you rather be 
amu 
An uncharacteristically long pause. “1 
guess I would rather be amusing so I 
could amuse those [love and make them 
h would make me happy 
answer to both ques- 


mused or be 


We have come fr 
meeting in Pleasanty 
Westchest 
nor says with a certain lack of 


m а community 
an affluent 
10 see, the. gover 

"what 


le- 


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the rich people are complaining. 
He has charmed and mollified 
And now he is a guest on a talk show. 
"The whole country's going down the 
sewer" he says. If there's one thing 

ans think they understand, it's 
the country is going down the sew- 
fellow named Chris calls in, surly, 
disaffected. The host threatens to cut 
him off. But Cuomo wants to pursue his 
line of reasoning: 


them 


CHRIS: This state used to be called 
the Empire State, What a joke. 

CUOMO: What do you do, Chris? 

CHRIS: I drive a school bus. 

CUOMO: OK, are you driving to- 
day? No? Good, because you're all 
aggravated. God forbid vou get be- 
hind a wheel. 

(Chris sounds apoplectic, increasingly 
incoherent with rage.) 

CUOMO: Nice and quiet, calma, cal- 
та. Chris. Go ahead. 

We're seeing am insane 
ve in the time that you've 
been governor. 

Cuomo: Hold it a second. Chris. 
Hold it! Where does this state stand 
compared to other states? 

curs: This s the di 
the United States. 

Cuomo: Hey, Chri: n I tell you 
something? You don't know what 
you're talking about. Мете about 
ninth on the FBI list. We have built 
prisons, we have the best cor- 
rection system in the United States. 
We don't have a single federal viola- 
n. I built twenty-seven thousand 
cells. Nobody even came close to us 
What would you suggest, Chris? 

curs: Get the chair back in S 
Sing. that’s all you have to do. It 
will cut the crime rate in half in 
months. 

сомо: Hey, relax, Chris, you 
need a doctor. Listen to me, Chris. 
What do you think the crime r 
was when we had the chair 
or lower? 

сив: The с te is ten times 
higher without the chair. 

CUOMO: Are you sure you drive а 
school bus? What do you do, take 
pills? Do you take Valium? How do 
you do it 

(Chris curses the governor and calls 
him a hypocrite. The governor asks Chris 
if he’s thin-skinned.) 

сив: You're a Judas Iscariot 
You disgrace the Catholic Church! 

сомо: This is good, this is good. 
Chris, you're for the death penalt 
The Catholic Church teaches that 
the death penalty is wrong. 

curs: No they dont. 
approve. 


ster of 


c 


mor 


They 


The gover 


ior is having a good time. 
. 
The governor is a religious man. lt 


makes Americans nervous when Шей 


als act as if their actions 
might be governed by their relationship 
with the Almighty. Presidents are sup- 
posed to go decorously to church once a 
week and invoke God's name in times of 
war or natural disasters. 

Bigotry—which Cuomo equates with 
stupidity —is far from dead. A lot of peo- 
ple are scared by the prospect of a 
Catholic in the White House, The rabid 
Know-Nothing anti-Catholicism of the 
19th Century has virtually died. "Ken. 
nedy had something to do with it,” says 
Cuomo. “But [ll tell you what had a lot 
to do with it: the abortion argument in 
recent days. Its clear now that you сап 
be а Catholic and not feel compelled to 
do everything that every bishop would 
instruct you to do. The ultimate norm of 
right conduct is living in conformity with 
a well-prepared conscience." 

The governor has evoked the ire of 
New York's Cardinal O'Connor for his 
stand on abortion, just as he has felt the 
wrath of proponents of the death penal- 
ty for his opposition to capital punish- 
ment. Some of his critics have seen an in- 
consistency in his supporting Roc vs. 
Wade while opposing the death penalty. 1 
had trouble understanding why he cited 
“lack of consensus and an absence of a 
plurality of opinion" as factors contribut- 
ing to his not opposing abortion, After 
all, there ts no evident plurality of opin- 
ion against the death penalty, either. He 
doesn’t see it that way: “I do not say that 
for a Catholic it would be wrong to Kill. 
In selt-defense—to protect Matilda—l 
probably, under exactly the tight cir- 
cumstances, would feel justihed in 
killing to protect another life. You might 
even make the case that you were m- 
quired to defend your own life, which re- 
ally belongs to God. even to the extent of 
killing someone. 

"But I believe the death penalty as a 
civic response to murder is demeaning, 
debasing, degenerate, god 
probably makes things worse instead of 
better. It does not deter, but, rather, en- 
courages further violence because it is an 
instruction in violence. 175 the whole 
government saying, “This is the best we 
can do when confronted with the ulti- 
te violence. It is unfair because, in 
our particular kind of democracy it al- 
most always will be applied to madmen 
and madwomen who volunteer for it, or 
to people who сап! allord the best 
lawyers. It is used to eclipse more intelli- 
gent responses to crime, and I am pas- 
sionately against it 

“The Catholic 


elected offic 


Church teaches that 
abortion is wrong, The Church teaches 
now that life begins at conception. 1 
pause to remind you that this has not al- 
ways been the teaching. But I accept it to 
be a Catholic tenet now, because I'm li 


we had children, we lived by 
That's fine. But that’s nobody's 
That's my business, Matilda's 


business, maybe my confessor's busi 
1 happen to share it with you now 
shared it with the public in a speech at 
re Dame to make a point. 
Now comes an entirely differes 
question: What is and should be the law 
for this pluralist democratic society? The 
democracy has created a law, through 
the Supreme Court, that says à woman 
under certain circumstances will have 
the right to an abortion. Are you permit- 
ted to live by the law if you are the gov- 
ernor? Are you permitted to say 1 will 
protect your rights under Roe ws. Wade? 
Of course you are. As a matter. of fact, 
you are obliged to do that as governor. 
The oath you take as governor is to sup- 
port the constitutional law. Does the 
Church allow you to do that? The an- 
swer is yes. The Church has always said 
that you must act prudentially, on the 
civic side, as your conscience instruc 
Take birth control, a better example 
than abortion because it’s clearer. Are 
you telling me that all the cardinals and 
bishops who vote for politicians ardently 
in favor of birth control are commiting 
sins? Are you telling me that all the ca 
dinals and bishops and monsignors who 
are ignoring their chances in the pulpit 
on Sunday to condemn birth control are 
doing something wrong? What is it that 
allows the Church to acquiesce in your 
use of birth control—notwirhstanding 
that they teach that it is a violation of 
natural law? It is called prudential judg- 
ment. Allowing people to live by their 
consciences and by the law in a demo- 
cratic society—that doesn’t violate any- 
thing I believe as a Catholic. 

“In this country there is no law that 
says abortion is wrong, If it becomes the 
law, then you have to live by that law. If 
the law says it's murder, it is murder by 
the civic law. 


. 

We are back on the airplane. He says 
he is distrutto—destroyed—operatic Ital- 
ian for tired. He hasn't eaten all day. The 
kitchen, under Matilda's supervision. 
has provided bagged turkey sandwiches. 
We all cat; he doesn't. He is sitting across 
from an aide, a good-looking woman. 
He flirts with her with no lack of propri- 
ety—just enough to satisfy the demands 
of chivalry. 

“What would you say if the plane went 

down, Governor: 
pad-bye. Depends on whether 
youre an eschatologist. If you're an es- 
chatologist, you say, ‘See you later. Ciao. 
See you in a little while. 
Mangia, Grizzuti—eat. What are you 
afraid of? W the matter with you? 
You're going to embarrass us. Come on, 
this is nice, calm.” The plane bumps 
along; he sings a Neapolitan song to dis- 
tract me. 

He a 


ticipares а questi 
nind. (He's being awfully generous, 
considering he's distrutto.) 

“How did you know? 


7 1 know you 
“How do I know you? Гуе been mar- 
ried to you. I was a son of yours. I was a 
father of yours. I was a brother of yours. 
How do I know you? Ask the question.” 
The question has entirely slipped my 
mind 


kets to a landing, and he 
“re home, we're safe—and 
you gave us credit for nothing, you 
shamed us as Italians. I'm going to start 
telling people you're Norwegian. Harri 
son, what's that? 1 don't want to know.” 
E 

It is abundantly clear that our shared 
ease is contingent in part upon my not 
asking the governor whether he will run 
for higher office. When he announced 
his decision not to run, he was asked if 
he'd change his mind if the budget prob- 
lems were resolved by mid-January: “It 
could happen that within ten days the 
legislature will come to their senses,” he 
said. And, although his answer was hard- 
ly an answer at all, one could feel the 
spirits in the room lift, He does that, he 
15 immensely seductive. As for 19962 It's 
an aeon away, an aeon and a half. Be- 
tween now and then,” he said, quoting 
an Italian proverb, “a pope will be born. 

He's irascible, people he'd make 
a fabulous President but a lousy cam- 


paigner. When he was playing minor 
league ball in Florida, he punched a 


catcher in the face—the catcher was 
wearing a mask at the time. It was youth- 
ful irascibility; he hasn't punched any- 
body lately. But he doesn’t suffer fools 
(like Senator Al D'Amato) gladly: For a 
c it looked as if he might punch him. 
One might just as easily point to his com- 
passion as to his irascibility. Ata meeting 
m a church basement, he answers the 

ambling question of a drunk who wan- 
ders in from the Bowery. Everybody else 
is trying to shut the drunk up. Cuomo 
addresses him with kindness untainted 
by condescensior 

Is he coy? It is possible that my affec- 
tion perverts my judgment; 1 didn't pe 
ceive him this way. His coyness could, 
with generosity, be read as prudence: 
You might say that he flirted with us, 
teased us with possibilities. You could al- 
so say that he weighed and balanced his 
husbandly and fatherly obligations, his 
obligation to the State of New York and 
the contribution he might make to the 
Union, and believed in conscience that 
the moment was not his to grasp. (“The 
heart of God is boundless,” Teilhard 
wrote, "and yet in all that immensity 
there is only one possible place for each 
one of us at any given moment, the onc 
we are led to by unflagging fidelity to the 
natural and supernatural duties of life.") 

Its true, but frivolous, to say that he 
hates 10 sleep in any but his own bed. 
When he made a trip to Japan, he asked 
if it all, including speeches and travel, 
could be done in three days. The idea of 
spending 50 days in Iowa docs not make 


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his heart glad. But Cuomo is also a man 
who steels himself to the course if he sees 
the path straight before him 

There is no evidence to indicate that 
Cuomo is afraid of Mafia connections be- 
ing unearthed, The governor even jokes 
about it: "I have a nightmare. lm in 
id some clown says, “Hey, 
>, let me take a picture.’ Sure, I say, 


Mar 
and there's John Gotti standing next to 


me.” It's not his bogeyman. 

To say that the scent of failure is a 
toxicant to him would not explain why 
he didn't run in 1988. To say that he's 

failure wouldn't ex- 

governor when 
no chance to win 
ew York City mayor Ed Koch 

Maybe he is good. Maybe we have for- 
gotten how (o recognize goodness. 
Maybe he is dutiful. Maybe he's a sub- 
lime pragmatist. Maybe he will “jettison 
the form which his labor or art or 
thought first took, and go in search of 
new forms.” (That's Teilhard again.) 
Maybe “over again he must go beyond 
himself, tear himself away from himself, 
leaving behind. him his most cherished 
beginnings." 

How I wish he had run! For the pure 
fun—the absolute joy of it 


morbidly afraid of 
plain why he 
pollsters 


. 

He is on the basketball court, playing 
with Christopher and with members of 
the май. Naked to the waist, stripped of 
his elegant tailored suit, he is fit and fast 
He has that strange. intense look—both 
alert and inward-looking—that men 
have only in the sports arena and in bed 
“Play the game,” he calls out. 

"Life is motion, not joy,” he says. You 
can't demand joy or be reasonably sure 
you create it or grab a piece of it: “The 
one thing you must insist on and you can 
control is motion: You move, you func- 
tion, you work, you don't run away, you 
don't despair, you don't quit, you don't 
die, you don't sit in a corner with your 
thumb in your mouth chanting your 
mantra, you don't slip into your bed and 
pull the comforter over your head so 
they can't find you. 

“How will I know that I'm justified? 
How will I know that I've done the right 
thing? There's only one rule that you 
can use with perfect assurance to mea- 
sure yourself, and that is: I have to be 
sure | tried. 

“The game is lost only when we stop 
trying.” 


“Hey, you! Read your oum damned paper!” 


AMANDA 


(continued from page 96) 
because I was in the band”) to her ulti- 
mate assignment at Fort Hood in Ril- 
leen, Texas—only 60 miles from Cameron. 

А шие than 
passed before Amanda suddenly found 
herself in the Rhineland 

“The band was supposed to be deacti- 
vated,” Amanda explains, "bur when 
Saddam Hussein invaded Kuwait, that 
was put on hold, Originally, we were told 
we were going to Saudi Arabia. But we 
shipped off for Germany, instead.” 

And if she had been given the Middle 
East assignment? “We would've played 
for soldiers and guarded prisoners." 


morc two years had 


Then Amanda smiles. “We probably 
would have played for the prisoners, too.” 
б 


Its dinnertime in London. Amanda 
Hope sits at a table in a Chinese restau- 
rant in Soho. She orders mango ісе 
cream along with her appetizer of hot- 
and-sour soup. “1 always order dessert 
first,” she tells us. "You never know when 
someone's going to throw a grenade into 
the chow hall.” 

Having spent a full day smiling and 
posing and flashing her unbelievably 
catlike eyes at the camera, Amanda is still 
going strong. "By the time my issue of 
Playboy comes out," she says, “ГИ be a 
civilian. The Army's getting cut. So they 
offered me an e 

Meanwhile, Amanda can't wait for her 
new Playboy career to take oll. “Irs a big 
step from being approached by the re- 
cruiter in the periodicals section of the li- 
brary.” she says. beaming. "Now I'm go- 
ing to be on that newsstand. 

But getting there wasn’t so easy. Short 
ly after she enlisted in the Army, Aman- 
da was stopped т a Cameron photo 
store by a man with the formidable name 
of Le-Land E. A. Chase-Meadows. “The 
first thing he said to me was, ‘How tall 
are you? Then he explained that he was 
a photographer and asked me to model.” 

A longtime fan of Playboy, C 
Meadows showed Amanda some Ё 
sues of the magazine and suggested that 
he and his protégée go for the big time 

It took more than a year for soldier 
and men's magazine to hook up (ever try 
playing phone tag with someone in Ger- 
many?), but in the summer of 1991, 
Amanda flew to the States for a photo 
test. At Christmas, she got the news. 

“I was on a military exercise,” recalls 
nda, "staying in a tent with а wood- 
en floor. and I went out to the pay phone 
to call Playboy. That's when they told me 
they wanted to shoot my centerfold 

“That night. 1 sang in my sleep." 
Amanda says softly. “The girl in the next 
cot told me that all the songs were happy 
songs. All major. no minor keys." 

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MALCOLM X 


(continued from page 66) 


street musician one night who was hud- 
dled on a side str 
battered old guitar and singing to him- 
self, Recognizing Malcolm, he leaped to 
his feet and snapped into a respectful 
mock salute. "Huh-ho" he exclaimed 
"My man!” 

Thats the way it was everywhere we 
went. The people loved Malcolm. And it 
was obvious that the feeling was mutual. 

But no one loved him more than the 
young black men of Harlem, who held 
him m awe. One of my most indelible 
memories of the time I spent with Mal- 
colm was the day 1 was riding with him 
in his car and there was a screeching of 
brakes. Malcolm өш the doo 
bounding to the curb. Before I could 
ather he was looming over 
three young men who were shooting 
craps on the steps of the city library. In- 


amming on his 


was 


пу wits. 


side that library, Malcolm told them 
sternly, people of oth nd colors 
were studying the Schomberg Collec- 


tion, the greatest archive of black lite 
ture in the world. “They are studying 
about your people,” Malcolm admon- 
ished, “and the best you can do is sit out 
here shooting craps against the door 
You should be ashamed of yourselves! 
What was so impressive to me about 


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this—knowing what | did about the 
Harlem street community—was that no 
one else could have spoken that way to 
those three young toughs without en- 
dangering his Ше. Yet they knew full 
well who was tongue-lashing them, and 
without a word they averted their eyes 
and slunk away as he stood glaring after 
them. 1 have often wished that more 
young black people would heed the mes- 
sage in that incident. 

By this time, Malcolm had begun 
meeting me at [.EK. Airport when I 
would arrive home from trips. He would 
drive me back into Manhattan, where we 
would continue our work on the book. 
Our interview sessions had reached 
level of intimacy Id never ha 
dreamed possible. There were moments 
of tenderness in many of the stories he 
told. I remember one night in particular 
when Malcolm laughingly recalled doing 
the lindy in Harlem ballrooms. He actu- 
ally grabbed a wall pipe in the corner of 
my apartment and danced around it be 
fore regaining his composure. It was 
during this period that my phone rang 
one night at two or three aM, and a fa- 
miliar v d, “I trust you seventy 
percent.” And then he hung np. 

б 


I wou 


ice s 


Icolm never breathed a word to me 
wt the intense personal stress and 
nde ng. Despite 
his passionate following hetto— 
ind perhaps because of it—Malcolm was 


ardships he was u 


n the 


making powerful enemies. Not just with 
Klansmen and neo-Nazis but with L.S. 
gove officials who feared that his 
extremism might provoke the racial Ar 
eddon he predicted. would 
But perhaps the most ominous threat of 
all came from those surrounding Elijah 
Muhammad. “Malcolm got to be a big 
Muhammad had said. “I made 
him big." Malcolm was not only begin- 
ning te eclipse his mentor but also 10 
y federal heat upon the Muslim or- 
Т would later. find out that 
d had suspended. Malcolm 
from his duties. The biuerness Malcolm 
felt over this rift. precipitated him to 
question his commitment to the white- 
baiting separatism that made him and 
the Muslims a symbol of confrontational 
racism and hatred. 
“The young whites, and blacks, 100, 
are the only hope that America h 


cur 


man, 


Malcolm said to me after an exhilarating 
evening of give-and-take before the 


white student body ofa local college. An- 
other day. in his car, we had stopped at 
traffic light beside а car with a white 
driver who recognized Malcolm and 
called to him, “I don't blame your peo- 
ple for turning to you. ИТ were a Negro, 
Га follow you, too. Keep up the fight! 

Malcolm called back sincerely, “I wish 
1 could have а white chapter of people 
hi drove away, Mal- 
repeat that. Mr. 
Muhammad would have a fit. 

But the damage to their relationship 
already done. Although Malcolm. 
led the press ever since his sus- 
pension, rankling with the frustration ol 
enforced inactivity, his reputation had 
assumed а lile of its own. 1 began to 
hear—never from him—about reports 
of threats on Malcolm s life. 

Finally, Malcolm went to the press 
himself, telling the Amsterdam News that 
former close associates m his Harlem 
mosque had sent out “a special squad to 
try to kill me in cold blood.” But he said 
he had learned of the plot in ume and 
averted it by confronting his intended 
assassins and forcing them to back down 
When | called to express my concern, 
Malcolm said, 71 can take care of myself” 
explaining to me that he had a loaded 
rifle in his home. “Still, Pm a marked 
т, Haley. H Um alive when this book 
comes out, it will be а miracle.” Any 
money due him from the autobiography. 
he said, should go either to his wile, Bet- 
ly, or to Muslim Mosque, Incorporated 
а new organization he was form He 
told me he intended to маме no time 
drawing up a w 
lolm sent a note. informing me 
that he was leaving the country for a 
while—"on a pilgrimage to the Holy City 
of Mecca." A few weeks later, Г received 
an astonishing leiter [roi 
en from the same plate, drunk from 
the same glass, prayed to the same God, 

(continued on page 162) 


© 


N MEMORIAM: ALEX HALEY 


Had it been only 16 ycars? The 
last time I had sat in a pew at the 
New Hope Church, the entire town 
ol Hennin Tennessee, turned out 
10 honor its most celebrated citizen, 
who had just written a book called 
‚Roots. lt seemed a lifetime ago, and 
now it was over. Along with those 
who knew and loved him best, | had 
returned to bury Alex Haley. 

“He made history talk,” said Jesse 
Jackson. “He lit up the long night of 
Slavery. He gave our grandparents 
personhood. He gave Roots to the 
rootless.” Members of Alex’ own 
family spoke, too, each with his own 
personal eulogy. But the most elo- 
quent tribute came from Fred 
Montgomery, the elderly mayor 
ol Henning and one of Alex’ life- 
long friends. Leaning unsteadily 
on his cane, Fred decided to sing 
his praises and proceeded. to 
pitch himself into a rafter-ringing 
spiritual so joyous that the entire 
congregation leaped up singing 
and dapping along with him. 
Alex would have loved it. 

. 

Alex’ parents had been the first 
generation of Haleys to go to col- 
lege, and they were determined 
that their sons would amount to 
something. George had become a 
lawyer and Julius an architect, 
but young Alex was a dreamer 
and a wanderer who wound up 
serving as a cook in the Coast 
Guard. To pass the time at sea, he 
read voraciously and earned pocket 
change writing love letters—like 
Cyrano—for his shipmates. Must 
ing out after 20 years with the ro- 
mantic notion of becoming а pro- 

ional writer, he moved to 
Greenwich Village “prepared to 
starve.” And he nearly did. 
After serving his apprenticeship 
ssignments for men's adven- 
ture magazines, he soon graduated 
to Readers Digest, The Saturday 
Evening Post and then to Playboy. In 
September 1962, Alex conducted 
the first Playboy Interview, with Miles 
. with me as his editor, 
went on to interview such. contro- 
sial headline makers as Dr. Ма 

п Luther King, Jr, Cassius Clay 
and Americ Nazi leader 
George Lincoln Rockwell. But his 
best-known contribution was his in- 
cendiary 1963 interview with Mal- 
colm X, which led to their collabor 
tion on Alex first literary milestone. 
The Autobiography of Malcolm X. 


On a Playboy assignment in Lon- 
don two years later, Alex visited the 
British Museum. Amid the antiqui- 
ties, he came upon a display of the 
Roseita Stone—a key to deciphering 
ancient wes that had opened 
the door to mankind's early history. 
It started Alex thinking. 

When he was a little boy growing 
up in Henning, he sat bchind his 
grandmother Cynthia's i 
chair on her front porch every ni 
afier supper, while she and other 
old ladies told stories about the fam- 
ily. They talked about. Cynthia's 
grandfather, a gamecock trainer 
Known as Chicken George, and 
about George's son Tom Murray, 


who led his wife and children f 
slavery to a new life in Henning. For 
Alex, the most fascinating character 
of all was George's grandfather, a 
man they called “the African." 

The “furthest-back person” in the 
entire family history, the African 
had told his daughter Kizzy that he 
had been out in the forest one day, 
chopping wood to make a drum, 
when he was set upon by four men, 
beaten, chained and kidnaped into 
slavery. Не had rejected his sl 
name Toby and insisted on b 
called by his real name, which he 
pronounced is-tay. He also taught 
Kizzy bits 
language, which she passed along lo 
George, who passed them along to 
his son Tom, whose daughter Gyn- 
thia had passed them along to Alex 

Alex ultimately met with an € 
nent African-language scholar and 
hit pay dirt: The words, he was told. 
were almost certainly from the 


nd pieces of his native 


Mandinka tongue as spoken in the 
Gambia, on the west coast of Africa. 
Alex wason the next plane to Ban- 
pital of the Gambia, where he 


was stunned to learn that Kinte was 


one of that nation’s oldest family 
id that if he wanted to 

own ancestor, he would 

have to trek deep into the back 
country for an audience with the 
griot—or oral historian—of that 
clan. So Alex organized a safari to 
Juffure, a thatch-hut village of 70, 
where he sat in the equatorial sun 
and listened for six hours while the 
iot recited the 400-year history of 
the Kintes, It was when he reached 
the four sons of Omoro and Binta 

Kinte that Alex sat up and took 

notice: Kunta Kinte, the eldest of 

those sons, said the griot, had left 
the village one day to chop wood— 
and was never seen again 

On his way back to Banjul, 

Alex broke down and began sob- 
bing. 71 was weeping in grief for 
the anguish of my ancestor,” he 
said later, “but also in joy, be: 
cause I felt that through me, his 
great-great-gr 

son, Kunte Kinte had finally 

come home.” 

Back in America, Alex became 

а man possessed. He would do 

something no one had ever 

done: By tracing his family back 

10 their African origins, he would 

tell the saga of an entire people. 

Enlisting me as his editor, Alex 
immersed himself in research. 

It took типе years of digging 
through archives on three conti- 
nents—and then three more years 
to write the book. He wasn't sure if 
he'd ever finish, and neither was I 
But he finally did, and it was worth 
the wait. 

‚Roots shot to the top of the be: 
seller lists. When the 12-hour mi 
series based on the book aired for 
eight nights in January 19 
came a national phenomenon 
was ultimately published in 
guages, and Alex received a Pulitzer 
Prize and a host of honorary awards 
and academic degrees. Adored and 
besieged every time he went out in 
public, Alex basked in the warmth, 
but somewhere along the way he 
lost something more than privacy 
“I wish I could be famous one day а 
month," he told me. 

Alex would take long freighter 
cruises, the only refuge where he 
could find the (concluded overleaf) 


161 


enity to write. He would gled with the rich soil of Tennessee, 
atchels, one filled thrown into the grave, And while the 
s. the other with casket was lowered, two preachers led 
ipts he always the crowd in the singing of Amazing 
planned to finish in “four to six months.” Grace. It was Alex’ favorite hymn, and | 


But except for A Different Kind of Christ- Temembered something he once 


E when it was being played on another 
mas, a short coda to Roots published in HDB pay 

casion: “Makes you want to come home, 
1988, he never finished another book. 


H doesn't it?” 
Ironically, when he died in February of 


o And so it ended where it all began 
this year, Alex was weeks away from the some 70 years ago, ten paces from that 


end of a memoir he'd been working on front porch where he had sat behind his 
2 years: Henning, a personal remi- grandma's rocking chair listening to all 
niscence about his birthplace. A lyrical those tales about the family, At cight 
evocation of small-town America, it was o'clock the next morning, the cars and 
the best work Alex had ever done, buses started. pulling into town. There 
. were hundreds of people, and they kept 
Alter his funeral, the hearse bore Alex — 9n coming, day Ts day—not just black 
from the New Hope Church to his buri- People, but people of every race and na- 
E 4 2 tion, men and women and children 

al plot two blocks away—in the front 
5 2 whose lives had been touched їп some 
yard of his grandma Cynthia's white To кг h buried! 
frame house, now on the National Re; E DUNAY y ee eC 
О e National Regi- there and by the story he had told. 
ter of Historic Pl While six Coast Looking down at her husband in the 
Guard pallbearers carried his casket t0 — coffin, his widow, My Haley, put it best: 
the grave, a dashiki-clad musician beata “You have changed all of us forever, 
ceremonial tan-tang drum in cadence to Alex. You have made us know who we 
their steps. A bowl of Gambian dirt, min- truly are." — MURRAY FISHER 


solitude and s 


PLAYBOY 


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TIIT e, 


“If you guys are finished with your crash 
sts, wed like lo find out if there's enough room in 
162 the back seat of that sucker to get laid." 


MALCOLM X 


(continued from page 160) 
with fellow Muslims whose eves were the 
bluest of blue, whose hair was the blond- 
est of blond, whose skin was the whitest 
of white, and truly we were all the same. 

He returned from his journey a new 
man with a new name, ELHajj Malik El 
Shabazz. He h: 
and committed hims 
his nonsectarian, nonreli 
tion of Afro-American Unity. Disavowing 
the ation of Islam, Mal- 
colm embraced a deeply felt new belief 
in the possibility of mutual respect be- 
tween blacks and whites. “My trip to 
Mecca opened my eyes,” he told r 
porters at a crowded press confer 
"I have adjusted my thinking to the 
point where I believe that whites are hu- 
man beings, as long as this is borne out 
by their humane ide toward Ne- 
groes.” Could any whites join the 
OAAU? “И John Brown were 
maybe him.” But Malcolm 
hadn't been transformed into 
lent moderate. Vowing to send armed 
guerrillas to Mississippi—or to any place 
where black people's lives were геа 
ened by white bigots—he added, 
as I'm concerned, Mississippi is any- 
south of the Canadian border.” 

After a second trip to Africa, Malcolm 
returned to announce, “Em trying to in- 
ternationalize our problem, to make the 
Africans feel their kinship with their 
blood brothers in Amer 
heard that Malcolm had urged sew 


| converted to true Islam. 


If to a new cau 
ious Organiza 


U.S. in the United Nat 
an international tribun; 


ad to call for 
on human 


interests a nd dangerous 
th the old one. Indeed, Malcolm 
thought so. 

The death threats ез into actual 
attempts on Malcolm's life, а su 
of increasingly close calls that culm 
ed in a high-speed chase by followers 
of Elijah. Muhammad. Accordi 
friend who was g with him, Mal- 
colm picked up В 
stuck и out the car window 
were a rifle, and the a ants fell back 
long enough for Malcolm to r 
protect 

Soon afterward, Malcolm and his 
ily were asleep in their Long Isla 
home when, at about three лм. a Molo- 
tov cocktail was thrown through the 
front window and set fire to the house. 
He had been stalling eviction by the 
Muslims, who owned the hot but his 
pregnant wife and their three child: 
now had to refuge with family 
friends while Malcolm scrambled to 


more mi 


cession. 


соу 


а small down payment on anothe 
house. “All Гуе got is about a hundred 
and fifty dollars.” he told me on the 
phone, asking if I could persuade the 
publisher to advance him the 54000 he 
needed from the projected profits from 
the book. 

For several weeks, Malcolm had been 
pitching himsell back into the book with 
а sense of urgency, reviewing the fi 
manuscript in a race 10 ses 
they fin 
mented. but less by le: 
than by the pa : 
own people. “Ги still too militant for the 
moderates,” he said, "but now Ги 100 
moderate for the militants.” He was 
‘oping lor a positive new role for him- 
self. vet he sensed he wouldn't live long 
enough to play it. A few days later, he 
told a friend, “It's а time for martyrs 
now. But if I'm to be one, it will be in the 
cause of brotherhood.” 

A week later, Malcolm called Betty a 
home to tell her that the phone in h 
New York hotel room had just rung, a 

man he didn't know had said, 
up. brother.” and then hung up. 

"You'd beuer not bring the kids to that 
meeting today,” Malcolm told his wife 
He would be speaking that afternoon in 
the Audubon Ballroom in Harlem. Betty 
anyway, taking the children along. 
ind watched in horror while tour men 
leaped to their feet and gunned down 
her husband. 

Malcolm was reviled as а hate-mon 
gering demagogue and revered 
martyr to the cause of freedom. Ye 
death he "cast a spell eve 
flung and more disturbing. 
NAACP’s Roy Wilkins, “than any he cast 
in life.” Ac his funeral. Malcolm was eu 
logized as “our black shinir 
prince." and pictures of "Saint Malcolm 
began to appear in homes from Harlem 
to the mud-and-waule huts of Africa 

Even now. a generation later, the leg- 
end he left behind remains larger than 
p groups chant his words 


in 
h me.” Не 
of death 


shed —‘belor 


was toi 


ба 
т 
more far- 


wrote the 


cat 


like а litany, black teenagers wear 
Tshirts emblazoned with his face and 


black mothers name their children after 
him. Streets and colleges. have bee 
named in his memory. The autobiogra- 
phy I helped him write has become re- 
quired reading in many university cu 
riculums, more widely read by black 
people than any work in history other 
than Roots and the Bible. Even now 
years alter Malcolm's death, people ask 
me as many questions about Malcolm N 
as they do about Kun 
umber has ris 
Spike Lee started production on a con- 
woversial $30,000,000 motion. picture 
based in part on my story of Malcolm's 
life. Just the anno nt of Lee's 


since 


plan to shoot the film wiggered threats 
from militant black groups. Poet Imamu 
Amiri Baraka derided Lee as a “buppie” 
and vowed not to “let Malcolm X's life 
be trashed to make middle-class Negroes 
sleep easier” But 1 doubt that any 
moviemaker in the world could eithei 
script or direct a film biography of Mal- 
сөйт that would satisfy all the diverse 
groups that consider themselves rightful 
keepers of the flame. 

Providentially, Malcolm lived long 
enough to return from Mecca with a v 
sion of peaceful coexistence between the 
races—a vision he shared. ultimately, 
with his nonviolent counterpart, Martin 
Luther King. It was a vision left 
unfulfilled. But the things Malcolm X 
and Martin Luther King stood for— 


rce pride, unflinchin; 


courage, abso- 
lute determin ‘dom from 
injustice—are as potent today as they 
were when both men were alive. 

nd now, just as John Е Kennedy 
once said. the torch has been passed to a 
new generation. Malcolm's daughter At- 
tallah has joined with King's daughter 
Yolanda to [orm an organization called 
Nucleus, which travels the county 
showcasing programs of unity within the 
black community. It is a symbolic and 
sym parinership: Malcolm wa 
champion of defiance, King an apostle of 
peace. Both men were tragically struck 
down and now live on in the hearts of 
their people, intertwined, indivisible, 


immortal. 


ion to win fi 


“Pin doing very nicely, Fred. Landed some fairly major 
accounts and got me this shiny new wife.” 


163 


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RESTON’S RAT 


(continued [rom page 80) 
ecks, his money. Or maybe 
she loved him. Old people 
think. They hang on to people from 
their pasts, as ifthe past mattered 

It was fine by me that Lone | 
with us. I liked her She paid double 
overtime and gave her shop managers 
medical and dental plans because, as sl 
never tired of telling us. irs a dog-e 
doughnut world. Lotte did good by her 
boys, she said, because she wanted to 
loyalty. She wanted us to think 
т when it was time to cash out— 
when a manager could keep a twenty for 
himself if he shorted the register or hid 
the sugar and charged up a new sack 
Each of her managers was an en- 
trepreneur. Lotte said, but she hoped we 
knew the difference between ап en- 
trepreneur and a cheat 

"Entrepreneur. Thats French,” Res- 
ton said. “Entre lor poon, preneur, I think, 
means tang. Liquid pussy. Mix them up, 
snot, and you're pussy-whipped.” 

1 told Lotte she should be proud. He 
managers loved her, I said. We admired 
her. too. She was the boss, She was what 
we wanted to be, she'd made something 
of herself. 

“Lotto neve 
Reston. said. 
Пош 

ag about, 
crullers. 

I said I didn’t c she made. She 
made money. She cared about her peo- 
ple, too. A lot of managers don't. get 

nedical and dental at Dunkin’, I said. 
I think ГИ call you Afro Pinocchio." 
Reston said, “Your nose is all brown. 

“Just hit the ball, Jack." 

“Let Lotto hit next. You can step and 
fetch 

“Ilove you, too,” 1 said 

“Snot! You're a homo? Hug me 

Reston lit his 17th Lucky of the day at 
the 17th tee. By then he had Lotte down 
$40. He h 
time,” he said through blue smoke. 
“Double the bet?” 
lord it.” Lotte said 

Seventeen at Monarch Bay is a par 
three, traps in front and water in back. 
Reston hit his tee shot near the flag. 1 
matched him. Loue hit 
skipped through the gı 
outre dead, Drowned,” Reston said 
Lotte. trudging to the drop zone behind 
the green, said she could still make four. 
Reston and I could three-purt, she could 
make four and te us. 

“Either the wallpaper goes or 1 go,” he 
ма. 

"What?" 

"Famous last words, 


monthly el 


made shit out of herself." 
She makes things out of 
d we've talk- 


makes 


This i 


woman 


re wha 


nd I were still even, “Cre 


rounder that 
to the drink, 


Those were Oscar 
Wildes. Good writer, but a homo. Interi 
or decor, that’s what he loved 
ste dropped a ball. “You are 


bid. How m words do vou 
know? 

“Blub, blub,'" Rest 
“Lean do it.” 
Want to bet?” 
“Double it again,” Lowe said. 
Twenty a hole 
loo rich lor you?" 

"Nor at all. Su entierro,” Reston said. 

“Wha 

As Santa Anna said to Davy Crockett. 
The Alamo. 1836. Su entierro— Your 
funeral.” 

You made that up.” 
Yes. but it's so apropos. 

Lotte made six. She kicked her cart. It 
tottered and fell, spilling her clubs. 

“Right on, doll,” Reston said. “That 
тані hit а good shot all day.” 

The 18th hole is a par five that veers to 
the bay, You can reach the green in two 
shots by risking the rocks to the left. or 
play safe to the right. I aimed left and 
swung hard. Reston talked to my drive. 
“Hita whale." he told it. The ball hooked 
as it climbed. We watched it splash. 

This is a good experience for vou. 
One day you'll thank that driv 
Reston said. “One day you'll look back 
m your dullard youth and say. “God- 
damn. old Jack was right И really is a 
brain game. You can be a | vin, 
snot. young and strong, and still lose ev- 
ery time, every significa 
older, sadder, but far wiser 
a one iron safely to the right. 

1 called him a girl. 1 called him the 
pussy di ulli pussies. “I don't play safe. 1 
a iron, Jack 


у hast 


n said. “Houdini.” 


са 


snc 


time, to an 
"Hehit 


man. 


hit a driver. You always hit 
Why is that? 
“Blub, blub,” Reston said. 
“Meow, 
“This is no mere iron, snot 


cow.” 


This is a 
one. This is Excalibur,” he said, showing 
me the blade. “You know what Trevin 
says. don't you? "In a thunderstorm, get 
out your and hold и over 
your head because even God can't hit a 
onc-iron. ^ 

Trevino got hit by lightning. 

Docs that make him 


Einstein died 
wrong: 
“You probably know bis last words. 

Resto 
stein croaks in Princeton. New Jersey 
‘Twists on his deathbs m 
words to his nurse, the last words of the 
best mind of a century, in his native 
tongue, Nurse doesn't know Germ: 
That's awful,” Loue said 
Life sucks,” Reston said. “That's why 
we play golf.” 

Mier three perlect practice swing 
te hit a hook at the bay. She pe 
her driver al Reston. He blew her 

Loue and I spent ten minutes raking 
pampas grass with our spikes. She was 
the optimist in the group, always last to 
ve up on a bad shot and drop а new 
ball. “You never know. It could have hit 
a rock,” she said. “Tt could have hit a 


grinned. “No. True story: Ein 


whispers his 


rock and bounced to the green," 
That one didn't,” 1 said 

1 happen to believe in God.” 

Ме. too, I don't know if 
hooks, though 

She,” Lotte said. 

Dont be silly. И бой were a She, 
would She let Jack win? 

Sull, I raked the grass, my nose get- 
ting browner by the minute. Finally 
Lotte dropped a pink Lady Eagle. lt 
rolled toward the bay. Grumbling that it 
was her last pink one, she kicked it, She 
bent over the ball. took a long, smooth 
practice swing, yanked her three-wood 
pinkward and mised the ball. She 
dropped the club. *1 can't hit." 

Sometimes you had to coax her to the 
green. Alter two or three or ten bent 
shots, Lotte began to sce conspiracies at 
work: weather, water, terrain, bad luck 
and bad lies. I told her й was a hard 
game, a dippy. dumb game. You have to 
think all the ume in this game, 1 said, but 
you can think too much, too. Your brain 
can block your swing. There comes а 
time 10 wipe the slate clean, to drop a 
ball. step up, hate the ball and hit it 
Hurt it, then forget it. 

She looked at me like 1 was dense 
“No.” she said. "Thats not why I can't 
hit. You don't know, do you?” 

I pointed at her ball. Whatever the 
E said, it was still sitting there 


He fixes 


reason 


Um in the bay. Lotte. Tm wet, you'll be 


lucky to make eight and Jack's out there 
safe. We are playing for second place. 
Hit the ball 

She looked for him. Reston was 100 
yards away, watching us with his hands 
on his hips. "Jack's dead,” Lotte said 

Dead? 

He's dead. They got him. The health 
people.” 

What do you mean, dead? 


“Ask him. You ask him," she said. “Ask 
him about rats. 
"Rats? 


Rats.” Loue said, dragging her cart 
uphill. "He used rats in the meat, He 
told me. They caught him.” 

1 crossed the fairway to watch Reston 
hit his second shot. The ball climbed, 
carried a trap and rolled to the green 
“What stick?” I said. He winked, show- 
ing me his middle finger. “One-iron. 

You're lucky." I said 

Women and snots believe in luck. 1 
believe in Jack.” 

Lotte and I surrendered. After a third 
tall hook, 1 was lying five somewhere 
between here and Catalina. Finishing 
alone, Reston made his putt for an eagle 

Wallets, please,” he said 

Lotte paid up. "Don't drool, dear.” she 
said. "Ir makes you look even olde: 
Reston kissed her money, then her hand. 
Lotte waved and said she'd see me in the 
morning. She was in a hurry, she said 
She had а meeting with her ad agency 


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boys to ride. “You boys have fun. Have a 
drink on me.” Then. pauing my buu, 
she said. "Dont listen to Jack. He'll want 
you to cheat on me. I told him you're too 
smart to.” Lotte hopped into her dough- 
nut-brown Jaguar. Shooting us the bird, 
she backed out of the parking lot to 
the Pacific Coast Highway and Jagged 
north 

Reston chucked his cleats and clubs 
into the trunk of his red Lincoln, Lacing 
up his wingtips. he said. “Follow те, 
snot. Let us celebrate my win 

The bar at Monarch Bay isa redwood 
hut with golf scenes on the walls. There 
are posters of Pebble Beach, Harbour 
Town, Sawgrass, Augusta and PGA West, 
а Neiman print—Palmer. Player, Snead, 
Nicklaus and Trevino caught midswing 
in pastel blasts—and brown photos of 
old men crouched over putts at Saint 
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sound his putt made in the cup: “Plink 
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think, snot 

“About what?” 

“What else? My genius. Tell Miguel 
many threes you have seen on 
eighteen.” 

“Just the one,” I said. 

“rest my genius.” 
slid my Coke 
table and launched a new description of 
his three. "I knew you'd play dumb. You 
always play dumb at eighteen. You al- 
ways get wet. The thinking man's play is 
to the right. 

“The pussy play,” 1 said. 

“The play. The right play. A man can 
make eight on the left. He can make six, 
five, four or, assuming genius, three on 
the right.” 

This is boring, Jack. Tell me about 
rats,” 

He blinked. I liked that. Reston sel- 
dom showed surprise. He lit a smoke 
and leaned back in his chair, studying his 
drink. “Lono blabbed,” he said. 

| lied. “She told me everything." 

“Then you know." He downed his 
tequila, slapped the shot glass to the 
table. “I like you, snot,” he said. "Do you 
know that? I like you.” 

“Why? 

“You're a shit. You have the е 
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TRANSACTION? 


WARNING SIGNS THAT Your 
BANK MIGHT BE IN TROUBLE 


Sounds French,” I said. 

Not all things French are bad. Thei 
are sex things I could mention. 
Don't. Yo sgusting.” 

“You'll go far, snot. You don't drink 
You drink Cokes. You drink Cokes be- 
cause you think you've got a brain, a 
mental edge you don't want to lose 
You'll go fa 

“Right now | work in a doughnut 
shop. 

You're ten years old.” 
ty-three, 
You're a snot and a shit. Snot shits go 
" he said. “Ergo, you will either sell a 
shitload of doughnuts for the Scratcher 
or find something better to sell. 

“Tell me about rat meat.” 

He went to the bar and returned with 
iwo tequilas. No chasers; he hadn't 
touched his beer. "Why nor?” he said, sit- 
ling with a thump that rocked the table. 

Its funny, It really is funny, the way 
things 
sit 
lappen." Turning a shot glass in his 
hand, Reston said, "Pork goes up. There 
is trichinosis upstate, that’s what the man 
says. Overdressed fuck from the co-op. 
Young like you. He has on a nice Пај. 
ian suit and wingtips, white wingtips 
Trichinosis upstate,” he says. ‘We didn't 


re old. Its d 


SS 


2 


#оОдЁ BARA. 


but 


expect it, we tried 10 prevent it 
there it is^ He wants sixty more per 

“Per what?” I said. 

“So 1 say, "Fuck you. I don't pay sixty 
more.’ Wingtips says, "No, fuck you” 
This is how it starts. I look for another 
supplier and, fuck me, Wingtips was 
right, there js trichinosis. The nest guy 
wants eighty cents more and I cant go 
back to Wingtips, not without crawling, 
so I pay. But this guy is not quite, shall 
we say, kosher. There are rat parts in his 
meat. Nor a lot, not enough to taste. but 
enough to detect; the county could quib- 
ble. He admits this, tells me up front, so 
Î can say, “Fuck you, but then I would 
have four hundred pork orders and no 
pork. So I deal J&R Meats gets a 
discount.” 

“Little kids eat that,” I said. 
Viemamese, snot? Eat in Ho 
h City, what do you get? Rice, 
pea pods, water chestnuts. You get rat, 
too. They call it pork, but irs rat. Is 
good protein. Builds strong bodies 
twelve ways. So sue me. Гита butcher. I 
provide protein.” 

Lotte said you were dead." 

“Here's the funny part. Sales go up." 


“But you're dead now. 

He shrugged. “Dead, son 
tive. True, they w 
Wingtips from the co-op wonders where 
I got this new meat. Sies the health de- 
partment on me. Now 1 got another kid 
n wingtips in my office, there is a con- 


real rela 


t to shut me dow: 


federacy of wingtips.” 

gps. 
teen fucking hliy-eight. 
y stole my look. 

"Ob. 

“So Wingtips Two subjects my chori- 
zos to spectroscopy—whatever the hell 
he docs in bis lab—and he finds five 
hundred sixty rat parts. And I will tll 
you, snot, much as Г admire the 
didn’t know that he had five hu 
sixty parts. 

“So vow re dead. They gor you.” 

Reston must have heard the pleasure 
in my voice. He laughed his big laugh, 
the one he saved for the times when 
he had you down nwo holes with one 
10 play, or knew something that you 
didn't. “Yes. The baby wingtips wants 
to clip Jack's wings. He's the man who 
sold sata chorizos 10 bambinos. Which 
means what? 

“You're evil 

“Tm shut down. | can be shut 
three months unless I get help." 

“Help?” I said. 

"A partner. А pal. Someone with a 
clean record and a Social Security num- 


"You wear w I said 


“Since ni 


11 


ber. There are loopholes in the law, snot. 
Thats what makes America great. Lile, 


liberty, loopholes.” 
“Are you dead or not? 
Reston squînted at Palmer, Player, 
Snead, Nicklaus and Trevino. He sipped 
his beer. "Do you want a good job? 


“Maybe,” I said. 
You play decent golf. Not genius golf. 
Almost good enough to keep up.” 
“Do you know what G. B. Shaw said 
about golfers?" I said 
he said, playing dumb. 
at we represent a whole 
class, the rich who screw everyone else. 
“These well-groomed Algys and Bob- 
bys. to whom age brings gold instead 
of wisde m." 
mart fuck, Shaw,” Reston said, “but 
a Commie, He represented а whole 
class, too. Commie fucks who got proved 
wrong. I'm shocked you can quote him." 
“I ain't stupid. 
"You ain't rich, either. 
doughnuts.” 
“I manage doughnuts.” 
He laughed. “A loser in the lotto of 
life. That's you, snot.” 
"Maybe. For now. 
He nodded. I was thinking that I liked 
Lotte. Still. she was no Reston when it 
came to wrestling city hall. She made her 
managers work all night when the health 
man was due, and she slept in her 
Monarch Bay condo while | swept bugs 
out of her shop. She thanked the health 
man when he finished his inspe« 
batting her eyelashes like a school; 
even when he checked bad boxes on the 
pink form on his clipboard. She always 
promised to clean up her act, but | was 
the one whe kept hei pron: 
fact remained that she drove a Ja 
I rode a bicycle. Another fact t 
Lowe thought I loved her because she 
paid on time and gave medical and den- 
tal, but Гошу liked her. Love costs more. 
50,” ton said. “Do you want to 
move up?” 
“Yes. 
"What about Lotto?” 
“She'll be all right,” I said. “She can 
get the guy from the Dunkin’ on М. 
«Пу. Good.” 
There weren't any 
Jack? 
Reston grinned. “I said there were.” 
“This was a job interview.” 
‘ood for you, snot.” 
“You knew she'd tell me. You figured 
that if I could get past the rats, the...” 
“Eth 
“The ethic 
“Of my rat tak 
hen you'd wa 
Ethics. 
word of French deriva 
I finished his teq 
was a nasty thing to do to Loue," 
“Sh jed about yor 
"No. She's delighted." 
“So. When do I start?” 
Reston lit a smoke. “I like you, snot." 
“I'm a sh lack." 
“We'll get along. 


МЕСТЕ 


You make 


<>, 


Is, were there, 


"A 


I said. 


he said. 


Playboy increases your pur- 
chasing power by providing 
a list of retailers and manu- 
facturers you can contact for 
information on where to find 
this month's merchandise. To 
buy the apparel and acces- 
sories shown on pages 28, 
106-111 and 169, check 
listings below to locate the 
| store nearest you. 

STYLE 

Page 28: “Vested Inter- 
est": Vests by View, to order or for store 
locations, 213 E 2. By Мохіто, at 
Rage, 2 Bullard, Fresno, CA, 
Sn By ‘Tapp, to order or for 
store locations, 212-874-1752. By Sans 
Tambours Ni Trompettes, at all Chari 
stores, for information, 212-3: 
By West 908. at West 908, Inc 
Washington Blvd., Los Angeles, 213- 
749-0800. By Tommy Hilfiger, for infor- 
mation, 800-548-6595. “City Slickers”: 
Jeans, boots and hats, at Whiskey 


Du 526 Hudson N.Y.C., 212- 
6591-5576. Boots and jeans, at Mark 
Fox, 7326 Melrose Ave., Los Angeles, 


-036-1619. Boots and hats, at the 
Rainbow Man, 107 E. Palace Ave., San- 
ta Fe, 505-982-8706. “Hot Shopping: 
Jean Pierre Bua, Diagonal 

00. Groc, nbla de 
luna 100 bis, 915-01-80. РАСУ 
Jeanswear, El Bulevar , Diagonal 
611-615, 419-00. n 2 
Bulevard Rosa, 
419-11-00. b.d. Ediciones de Diseño, 
Carrer de Mallorca 291, 258-69-09. 


"Clothes Talk": Shirts and trousers by 


74. By Jhane Barnes, for 
formation, 575 Seventh Ave., N.Y.C., 
212-382-0961. Jacket by Hugo Boss, at 
selected stores in New York City. Shoes 
and belts by Bally of Switzerland, for 
store locations, 800-825-5030 out 
0 in New Y 
lable at Gia 
Versace boutiques nationwide. 


HIT MEN! 
Page 106: Shorts by Club Sportswe 
Champs nationwide; Dillards n; 
wide; Nordstroms nation 
top by Russell, at fine specialty 
nationwide. Cap by Lids, at С 
57, 18 М. 
4040; Remini 


Ay 


u E 
| — 


HOW TO BUY 
un 


2 912: 
Shorts by Jantzen, at 
Redix's, Wrightsville 
Beach, NC. Cap by Street 
Rag, at You Animal You, 
В St, Over- 
KS, 913-341- 
5101. Shorts by Jimmy 
at Sun Catcher, 9 94 
ond Ave. 
NJ. 60 
Beach Sunwear, 
Coast Highway 
Beach, CA, 714-49: 
Jockey International, at f 


| N. 


\ 


bia » 


Laguna 
Tank top by 


Ity and 
Shorts 
by Body Glove, al select. Sporumart 
stores, IL and СА. Tank top by Speedo. 
10 order or for information, 800-547- 
Sunglasses by Oakley, at specialty 
goods nationwide. 
Watch by Suulch, to order or for infor- 
mation, 800-8-swaten. Page 108: Tank 
top and shorts by Nike, at. Paragon 
Sports, 867 Broadway, N.Y.C., 212- 
-8036; the Complete Athlete, 455 
World Trade Center Concourse, 
NY. 9819. Sunglasses by 
goods 
stores nationwide. Watch by Lorus, for 
information write to Lorus, McArthur 
Blvd., Mahw Page 100: 
Shorts by x 
113 М 


е spec 


stores 


. Huntington Be: 
16. "flank top by Rusall, 
fine sporting goods stores nationwide 
Page 110: Vest by Cross Colours, at Mer- 
ry-Go-Round, 3300 Fashion Way, Jop- 
pa, MD, for store locations, 410- 
1000; Macy's nationwide. Shorts by 
Russell, at fme sporting goods stores 
nationwide. Page 111: Shorts by Mossi- 
mo, at Macy's nationwide; Nordstroms 
nationwide. Tank top by Club 
ationwide: Dil- 
Nordstroms nation- 


nwide; 
wide. 

You may contact the manufacturers di- 
rectly for information on where to purchase 
merchandise in your area. 


PLAYBOY ON THE SCENE 

Page 169: “The gt Connectio 
merica, Inc. 
. By АТӘТ. 
37-0504. By 
ЛЕСИ Communications or Sore jocis 
tions, 800-624-5688. By Origin Technol- 
ору, Inc., to order, 800-759-5628. 


for 


167 


DRINK RESPONSIBLY. IT’S ONE OF THE BASICS. Jim Bram’ Kentucky Straight Bourbon Whiskey, 40% Alc./ Vol. (80 Proof). ©1992 James B. Beam Distilling Co, Clermont, KY. 


ON-:THE 


S CENE 


— — THE RIGHT CONNECTLONS=— 


hen it comes to home electronics, one thing rings 
true: Telephones keep getting smarter. Surely 
Alexander Graham Bell is grinning in his grave over 
voice mail, and new technology has generally 
made phoning easier and more convenient. Cordless telephones, 
for example, now transmit digitally for improved reception over 


greater distances. Furthermore, the latest cellular models are 
Small and light enough to fit in a suit pocket. AT&T's Video 
Telephone 2500 even sends audio and color motion video 
over standard telephone lines. It also features a privacy 
mode, which is handy when you've just gotten out 
of the shower and preler to be heard—not seen 


Above: The Tropez 20-channel 900DX digital cordless 
phone operates for more than four hours at a distance up 
to ten times greater than that of standard cordless phones, 
from VIECH Communications, $299. Below: Speak some- 
one's name into the 3505C 

Voicephone and it dials 
the appropriate num- 
ber. Other features 
include caller 1D 
and ring pr 
graming, 
from Origin 
Technolo- 
Бу, $189. 


Where & How to Buy on page 167. 


Right: NEC's new P600 pocket-sized cellular phone 
weighs a mere seven ounces and features an angled 
speaker section and illuminated keypad for improved 
operation, a 42-character LCD, a 99-number speed- 
dial memory and a 60-minute battery pack, about 
$1400. Also available are an optional two-hour 
battery pack, $45, and booster kit for further re- 
ception and hands-free operation, $615. Below 
right: For the same price as a standard phone 
call, AT&T's Video Telephone 2500 lets you 
transmit voice and full-motion video. A 
33-inch color LCD screen, а built 
fixed-focus camera, 12-number опе- 
touch dialing and an improved speak- 
erphone are among its features, $1500. 


GRAPEVINE 


Water Babe 
Actress AMY ROCHELLE got a lot of exposure when she appeared as Demi 
Moore's body double in Ghost. You saw her act in The Marrying Man and 
Flatliners on screen and in featured roles on TV's Quantum 

Leap and Married . . . with Children. We found her 
at the pool, where being all wel 

is all right. 


Vagabond Rod 

ROD STEWART has legs. He has stayed 
on the charts and kept the publi 
volved for over 20 years. Now he's 
back in the studio writing a follow-up 
LP to the platinum Vagabond Heart. 
After beingon the road for over a yea 
that should be a treat. 


Drama Unfolds 
LA. rockers DRAMARAMA 
have one foot in alter- 
native music and the other 
in rock. Vinyl, their fourth 
release, came out to solid 
reviews. Songwriter John 
Easdale says, “We called 

it Vinyl because they 

don't make it anymore.” 
Catch the tour. 


The Eyes Have It 

Starlet |ZENICA is just starting out. A beauty queen, she has done some com: 
mercials and has appeared on TV's Baywatch. One oí these days, we'll be able 
to say we knew her when. 


Life After 
Life Stinks 


Do lousy reviews cause 

heartburn? Does actor- 
director-big shot MEL 
BROOKS caret Life Stinks 
is doing fine in video 
rentals and Brooks is scrib- 
bling away on his next epic. 
Let the critics eat antacid. 


Telling It 
Like 

It 15 
AARON NEVILLE 
used to be music’s 
best-kept secret. 
Anew Neville 
Brothers album, a 
hot tour in progress 
and the most beau- 
tiful voice in cre- 
ation prove the 
secret’s out. 


Danish Pastry 

Actress VALENTINA is a Dane, but her work is all- 
American, Her varied roles, from Kid 'N Play's movie 
Class Act to TV's Tequila and Bonetti to a lead in Tone- 
Löc’s video, keep Valentina hot and cool. 


GET A BUZZ ON 


“If you think you know baseball, this is a good 
way to prove it," says Stephen Stabler, the cre- 
ator of Buzzball, a game played by two people 
who each choose a team of players from an ac- 
tual baseball game. As the real game progress- 
es, your Buzzball loes, loo, only instead. 
of runs, points are attributed to different types 
of hits, stolen bases and runs batted in. The 
winner is the person whose team scores the 
most points. The cost: $5.95 sent to Buzzball, 
PO. Box acramento, 


READ IT AGAIN, SAM 


You must remember this: On the eve of its 50th 
anniversary, Casablanca is still considered by 
many to be the best American movie ever 
made. So for all you fans of Rick, Па and Sam, 
there's The Casablanca Companion, by Jel Siegel, 
а 59.95 softcover that tells “the behind-the- 
scenes story of an American classic." Also in the 
book are Casablanca quizzes, wi р, pho- 
tos and information on how to obtain the movie 
on videotape and disc, plus much more. 

To ога postpaid, call Taylor 
Publish 188 


goss 


POTPOURRI 


DANCING IN 
THE DARK 


Exotic Dancer, a national 

guide to nude, topless and 
go-go bars and gentle- 
men's clubs, has just intro- 
duced its first-ever VIP 

Card Program. According 
to Exotic Dancer, ра 
pants who visit any of 
about 250 establishme 
across the country will re- 
ceive a special discount— 


ks or even at 
dance, Membership costs 
$89 a year and for t 
you also get the latest Exot 
іс Dancer Directory and а 

subscription to "Exc 
Dancer Bulletin,” a qua 
newsletter containing 


з reviews on strip clubs 
d info on places that 
have opencd and closed 
Exotic Dancer's address is 
7 West Seventh Street, 
с 209, Fort Worth, 
76107. Or call 817- 
13 for faster action. 


WESTWARD HO! 


Did you like the movie City Slickers and w 
th similar without ha 


nt to experience some: 
ng to birth a calf? Then sign aboard the 
Bozeman Trail Wagon Train. You'll spend four days and three 
nights journeying along the historie Bozeman Trail our of Reed 
Point, Montana, returning six-hour гай trip down the Yel- 
lowstone River. By day, you'll ride in horse-drawn covered wag- 
ons driven by professional teamsters. At night. you'll bunk down 
in the wagons, in tents or under the big sky of Montana. There's 
also great chow and country music. Billy Crystal. eat your heart 
out! The cost of the trip is $480, not including airfare. For more 
information on this summer's treks, call Jim Colburn. the wagon 
train’s rough and rugged trail boss, at 800-962-7483 


STORE FOR ч zur 
STYLISH VAGABONDS 


The stock-in-trade of the 
урш Vintage 1. uggage 
Company situated in 
downtown Brewery Building 
at 600 Moulton Avenue is the 


EGGED ON! 


any Ne knows, an egg cream 
is a sofi dr le with milk, chocolate 
p and seltzer that has to be ordered 
soda fountain. Now it appcars the 
needed to bottle and shelve a 
ated milk beverage has been 
, and a product named Jelt 's 
ew York Egg Cream has hit 

s from New York to L.A. 
four-pack costs about three do 
both regular and diet egg cr 
available in vanilla and strawberry, too. 


stuff that a traveler's dreams 
arc made of. Antique leather 


to $6000. (The latte: 
Louis Vuitton steamer trunk.) 
And Vagabond will also reline 
your selection with an appro- 

you choc 
eat 913-3 


MOVE THE PENCILS. WE'RE PLAYING THROUGH 


For duffers who are weary of looking at desk pictures of the wife 
and kids, there are Fairway Replicas—cast, hand-painted render- 
ings of famous golf holes mounted on walnut. Right now, the 
18th holes at Pebble Beach and Harbour Town are available, 
along with the Ist and 18th at St. Andrews and the 13th at Au- 

à. Each comes with a ballpoint pen and a brass plaque. The 
rway Replicas, 130 West Gaviota, 
‚ or call 800-3 


BABY, IT’S COLD INSIDE 


When the dog days of summer are 
upon you, chill out with a Chilly-Club 
Cold Collar. The frozen gel cubes cool 
the blood in your neck veins and arteries, 
making you more comfortable as this 
cooled blood circulates through your 

nce the cubes are self-contained, 
егеу no dripping. To order, сай 800- 

: $12.95, postpaid. 


WHISKY TIME 
The Windy City's largest col- 


n of single- malt Scotches 


ingham' cago 
оп at 720 South Michigan 
Avenue. To celebrate, the 
Hilton has organized Buck- 
ingham's Scotch Club. Mem- 
bership is open to anyone 
who wants to develop his or 
her knowledge of the bever- 
age. And when you've tasted 
all 140 single malts, you! 
name will be inscribed on a 
wall plaque. А newsletter and 
other perks are also extend- 
ed to members. For more 
info, call Colm O'Callaghan 
at 312-922-4400. 


DOMESTIC DYNAMITE 


NEXT MONTH 


p 
ADVERTISING SEX 


“THE WAY TO SPOOK CITY”--OUR HERO TRAVELS THE 
BARREN WASTES OF ALIEN-OCCUPIED MIDDLE AMERICA 
IN SEARCH OF HIS BROTHER. HIS GUIDE IS GORGEOUS— 
BUT IS SHE HUMAN?—A NOVELLA WRITTEN FOR PLAYBOY 
BY ROBERT SILVERBERG 


“SEX IN ADVERTISING”-—THE FLAP OVER RECENT EROT- 
1С AD CAMPAIGNS SHOULD REMIND US OF THE LONG 
AND ILLUSTRIOUS HISTORY SEX HAS ENJOYED ON MADI- 
SON AVENUE. Е IT DOESN'T, THESE PICTURES WILL 
HELP—TEXT BY ED MCCABE 


“DOMESTIC BLISS”--A PICTORIAL SALUTE TO THE 
AMERICAN HOUSEWIFE. HAVE A LOOK AND YOU'LL WANT 
TO DO MORE THAN HELP WITH THE DISHES 


"GIRL TALK"—WHO SAYS LOCKER-ROOM TALK IS JUST. 
FOR GUYS? PLAYBOY EAVESDROPS ON A SESSION IN 
WHICH THE LADIES DISH THE DIRT—BY LORI WEISS 


“A REGULAR GUY'S GUIDE TO OPERA"—NO NEED TO 
WAIT TILL THE FAT LADY SINGS. HERE'S ALL YOU NEED 
TO TELL THE ARIAS FROM R.E.M.—BY JAMES MORGAN 


АН, COLUMBUS 


CATHERINE CRIER SERVED FIVE YEARS AS A TEXAS 
JUDGE BEFORE SHE BRIGHTENED CNN'S NEWSCASTS. 
SHE RENDERS HER OPINION ON THE CURRENT POLITI- 
CAL CLIMATE, THE “LIBERAL MEDIA AND WHAT SHE 
LOOKS FOR IN A GOOD MAN—AND A GOOD CHAIR—IN A 
JUDICIOUS *20 QUESTIONS" 


DEREK HUMPHRY, AUTHOR OF THE BEST-SELLING FINAL 
EXIT, TACKLES THE GREAT DEBATE OVER THE HEMLOCK 
SOCIETY, ASSISTED SUICIDES AND WHETHER OR NOT WE 
SHOULD DETERMINE WHEN WE DIE IN A PROVOCATIVE 
PLAYBOY INTERVIEW 


“PRESIDENT PEROT"—IS THE PINT-SIZED COMPUTER 
CAPITALIST AND GHANDSTANDING GADFLY READY FOR 
WASHINGTON? IS WASHINGTON READY FOR ROSS 
PEROT?—A PLAYBOY PROFILE BY ROGER SIMON 


PLUS: A JOLLY LOOK AT COLUMBUS' GREAT VOYAGE —AS 
ONLY A SAILOR WOULD VIEW IT; *PLAYBOY'S AUTOMO- 
TIVE REPORT,” THE LATEST WHEEL NEWS, BY KEN 
GROSS; LAPTOP COMPUTERS YOU CAN CARRY ANY- 
WHERE; AND MUCH, MUCH MORE 


SURGEON GENERAL'S WARNING: Smoking 
Causes Lung Cancer, Heart Disease, 
Emphysema, And May Complicate Pregnancy. 


I CORRADO SLC ҥе 
Call 1-800-374-8389