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ENTERTAINMENT FOR MEN 


INTERVIEW WITH s A RED-HOT 
ROCK GIANT à 4 
PETE TOWNSHEND | \ e VALENTINE 
RAP'S ORIGINAL 3 FROM 
GANGSTA, ICE-T, ANNA 
ON PRISON, 77 NICOLE 
BLOODS AND i 
THEHOOD è # SMITH 
HEIDI, OUCH! 
MADONNA, THE FIRST 
AMY AND JOEY: WORD IN 
WHAT MORE BODY PIERCING 
RED You SPORTS MANIAC 
WANT FROM A 
YEAR IN T CHRIS BERMAN, 
WORLD-CLASS 
SCOUNDREL 
MARC RICH 


AND PLAYBOY'S 
CAR OF THE YEAR 


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PLAYBILL 


LAST MONTH, to begin our 40th-anniversary year, we showed 
you where we've been and where we're going. This month it's 
time to look at where we are. Call this our social studies issue, 
complete with fieldwork. King of the World is an exposé of fugi- 
billionaire Marc Rich by sleuthing reporter Jim Heugan. Rich 
is a scary fiction come to life (not unlike the renegade arms 
dealer in John le Carré's thriller The Night Manager)—a shad- 
owy comme ies broker based in Switzerland who sneaks oil 
past UN sanctions for huge profits. His latest plot is to exploit. 
the free-for-all markets of eastern. Europe before Interpol 
spots him. From that Alpine redoubt we descend to the 
confines of the inner city. To Live €? Die in L-A., by ke-1, chron- 
icles the hard life of gangsters, straight up. Taken from The Ice 
Opinion (as told to Heidi Siegmund, St. Martin's Press), it’s an 
uncensored look at desperate black teens one fight away from 
going loc and losing their lives (Mike Benny did the artwork). 
Gang culture, fringe cultur 
recent college 
of a piercing parlor to find out just who's parti 

the current craze of body, ah, art. Ouch! (Envisioned by 
artist David Hodges.) 

Pete Townshend may be a rock legend—but he's the first to 
point out that he's no role model. In this month's interview, 
Townshend reveals to rock-steady David Sheff how his pent-up 
rage surfaced in his early music, why he feels guilty about the 2 
death of the Who's drummer Keith Moon and what kind of at 5 HODGES 
tuneful serenity he finds in musicals now that Tommy is a 
smash on Broadway. ESPN commentator Chris Berman is a 
sportscaster with a rock-and-roll attitude. Using such wade- 
mark puns on players’ names as Von "Purple" Hayes, Berman 
goes back, back, back, back to field 20 Questions on nailing 
highlights and treating jocks gently from Contributing Editor 
Warren "You Make 1 he” Kalbacker. 

Our regular features are also rocking this month, as our 
voice of cool, Dean Kuipers, continues the new Nightlife column 
with a look at the revitalized world of the spoken word on the 
West Coast. In his Mantrack essay, Joe Bob Briggs—a writer not 
given to pretense— does his own slam: on the recent cinemat- 
1c goring of men. In past issues, author Jack Kammer has con- 
tributed to Mantrack on the subject of feminism. Now, for The 
Playboy Forum, he talks to positive-minded female activists in 
an excerpt from his St. Martin's book, Good Will Toward Men 
Our cultural sweep winds up in Alaska, where the social evils 
of deception invade the wilderness in She Was Good—She Was 
Funny, by new fiction contributor David Marusek. The icy land- 
scape is by Roger Brown. 

Ón the fun side, prepare yourself for a big, wet Valentine 
Day kiss from the Playmate of the Year, bombshell Anna Nicole 
Smith, here looking like a soap star in My Sudsy Valentine (pho- 
tographed by Stephen Wayda). How does one win such a valen- 
tine in real life? It all starts with grooming and vrooming: 
Check out our kicking fashion report, Getting Ihe Boot, and our 
Car of the Year (photographed by Richard Izui), chosen by a 
team led by the hard-driving Ken Gross in Playboy's Automotive 
Report. We also wrap up The Year in Sex, a spicy review of Fish- 
er and Fleiss, scandal and vice. 

As part of our 40th year, we continue to celebrate past 
achievements with a grace note of retrospection, A Treasure of 
Cole, by our first major cartoonist, Jack Cole. Another portfolio, 
by celebrated photographer Byron Newman, also touches a 
timeless theme: pictures of women as art—but foremost as 
women. It's an approach that agrees with Playmate Julie Lynn. 
Cialini, whose time is right now. Ciao, bella. 


BENNY 


BRIGGS 


WAYDA 
Playboy (ISSN 0032-1478), February 1994, volume 41, number 2. Published monthly by Playboy in national and regional editions, Playboy, 
680 North Lake Shore Drive, Chicago, Illinois 60611. Second-class postage paid at Chicago, Illinois and at additional mailing offices. 
Canada Post Canadian Publications Mail Sales Product Agreement No. 56162. Subscriptions: in the U.S., $29.97 for 12 issues. Postmaster: 
Send address change to Playboy, RO. Box 2007, Harlan, Iowa 51537-4007. 3 


LIKE THEY SAY, 
AMAN DONT 
ALWAYS DO 
| WHATS BEST 
FOR HIM. 


IT WITH A COP, JACK? YOU GOT TWO GUNS. 


YOU CAN DIG 
— ONE GRAVE OR 
YOU CAN DIG 


TWISH I HAD A MILLION DOLLARS. 
FD BUY MYSELF SOME HAPPINESS. 


POLYGRAM FILMED ENTERTAINMENT sors a WORKING TITLE/HILARY HENKIN roe CARY OLDMAN LENA OLIN ANNABELLA SCIORRA vo JULIETTE LEWIS «PETER MEDAK nu ROMEO IS BLEEDING 
se ROY SCHEER so BONNIE TIBERI use HARK SHAH cor WALTER MURCH verso STUART WURTZEL ccce DARIUSZ WOLSKI [42] 
pocas TIM EVAN vo ERIC FELLNER ve HILARY EN rcs HILARY A oo PAUL WEBSTER ec PETER MED e O 


PLAYBOY 


vol. 41, no. 2—february 1994 CONTENTS FOR THE MEN'S ENTERTAINMENT MAGAZINE 
PLAYBILL 3 
DEAR PLAYBOY 9 
PLAYBOY AFTER HOURS 13 
NIGHTLIFE: ROCK AND THE SPOKEN WORD... DEAN KUIPERS — 21 
MANTRACK 33 
THE OFFSPRING OF THELMA AND LOUISE—guest opinion .. JOE BOB BRIGGS — 35 
MEN : LEERE LEITER PE plea go HSS ASABABER 36 au volente 
WOMEN a CINTA HEIMEL. :87; 
THE PLAYBOY ADVISOR 39 
THE PLAYBOY FORUM a 
REPORTER'S NOTEBOOK: 
THE DRUG WAR'S A BUST—opinion $3 sess. ROBERT SCHEER 49 
PLAYBOY INTERVIEW: PETE TOWNSHEND—condid conversation 51 \ 
TO LIVE & DIE IN L.A.—orticle ....... eat CEN 162 Aloha Wilds 
MY SUDSY VALENTINE pictorial . . text by CHRISTOPHER NAPOLITANO 66 
SHE WAS GOOD, SHE WAS FUNNY—fiction.................. DAVID MARUSEK — 76 
PLAYBOY'S AUTOMOTIVE REPORT—orticle A KEN GROSS 79 
A RING IN HER NAVEL—orticle M ees VICKI GLEMBOCKI 82 
A TREASURY OF COLE—portfolio. 84 
PRECIOUS JULES—ployboy’s ploymote of the month 90 Be 
PLAYBOY'S PARTY JOKES—humor 102 
KING OF THE WORLD—ployboy profile JIMHOUGAN 104 
GETTING THE BOOT—foshion . . HOLLIS WAYNE — 106 
THE YEAR IN SEX—pictoriol 110 
20 QUESTIONS: CHRIS BERMAN 120 
LORD BYRON—pictorial 122 
PLAYBOY ON THE SCENE 157 


COVER STORY 


This year, give yourself o gift und celebrate Cupid’s holiday with a red-hot 
valentine—Playmate of the Year and movie star Anna Nicole Smith in her 
steamiest pictorial yet. Our cover was produced by West Coast Photo Editor 
Marilyn Grobowski, styled by Lone Coyle-Dunn and shot by Contributing Pho 
tographer Stephen Woydo. Annc's hoir and makeup stylist wos Alexis Vogel. 
We overheord our Robbit hum the Rolling Stones tune Under My Thumb. 


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PLAYBOY 


HUGH M. HEFNER 
editor-in-chief 


ARTHUR KRETCHMER editorial director 
JONATHAN BLACK managing editor 
TOM STAEBLER art director 
GARY COLE photography director 
KEVIN BUCKLEY executive editor 


EDITORIAL 
ARTICLES: JOHN REZEK editor; PETER MOORE 
senior editor; FICTION: ALICE «TURNER editor; 
FORUM: JAMES R. PETERSEN senior staff writer; 
MATTHEW CHILDS associate editor; MODERN LIV- 
ING: DAVID STEVENS senior editor; BETH TOMKIW 
associate editor; WEST COAST: STEPHEN RANDALI 
editor; STAFF: BRUCE KLUGER, BARBARA NELLIS 25- 
sociale edilors; CHRISTOPHER NAPOLITANO assistant 
editor; DOROTHY ATCHESON publishing liaison; 
FASHION: HOLLIS WAYNE director; VIVIAN COLON 
assistant editor; CARTOONS: MICHELLE URRY eddi- 
tor; COPY: LEOPOLD FROEHLICH editor; ARLAN 
BUSHMAN assistant editor; ANNE SHERMAN copy as- 
sociale; mary zon lead researcher: CAROU 
BROWNE senior researcher; LEE BRAUER, REMA 
SMITH researchers; CONTRIBUTING EDITORS: 
ASA BABER. DENIS BOYLES. KEVIN COOK, GRETCHEN 
EDCREN, LAWRENCE CROMEL, KEN CROSS (automo: 
die), CYNTHIA HEIMEL. WILLIAM J. HELMER. WARREN 
RALIACKER, WALTER LOWE, JR. D. KEITH MANO. JOE 
MORGENSTERN, REG POTTERTON, DAVID RENSIN 
DAVID SHEFF, DAVID STANDISH, MORGAN STRONG 
BRUCE WILLIAMSON movies) 


ART 
RERIG POPE managing direclor; BRUCE HANSEN, 
CHEF SUSKI LEN WILLIS senior directors; KRISTIN 
KORJENES associate director; RELLY RORJENEK assis- 
tant director; SN seia supervisor heyline/ 
paste-up; PAUL T. CHAN, RICKIE GUY THONAS art 
assistants. 


PHOTOGRAPHY 
MARILYN GRABOWSKI west coast editor: JEFF COMEN 
managing editor; yım LARSON. MICHAEL ANN SULLL 
VAN senior editors; PATTY BEAUDET associate editor; 
DAVID CHAN. RICHARD FEGLEY. ARNY FREYTAG 
RICHARD IZUL DAVID MECEY. BYRON NEWMAN 
POMPEO posar STEPHEN wav nx contributing pho- 
tographers; SHELLEE WELLS stylist; TIM HAWKINS 
librarian 


MICHAEL PERLIS publisher 
IRWIN KORNFELD associate publisher 


PRODUCTION 
MARIA NANDIS director; RITA JOHNSON manager; 
JODY JURGETO. RICHARD QUARTAROLI, CARRIE LARUE 
HOCENEY. TOM SIMONEK associate managers 


CIRCULATION 
BARBARA GUTMAN subscription circulation director: 
LARRY A. DJERF newsstand sales dire 

RMKOWITZ communications director 


ADVERTISING 
JAY BECKLEY, national projects manager; SALES 
RECTORS. KIM 1. PINTO, eastern region, JODI GOS) 
cartas. midwestern region, STEVE THOMPSON 
western region 


READER SERVICE 
LINDA STROM. MIKE OSTROWSKI correspondents 


ADMINISTRATI 
ERIC SHROISHIKE computer graphics systems direc- 
tor; titten RENT editorial services director; MARCIA 
tennones rights & permissions administrator 


Pi 
CHRISTIE 


AYBOY ENTERPRISES, INC. 
EFNER chairman, chief executive officer 


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OR FAX 312-649-9534 


JOYCE CAROL OATES 

Although I have read only two of 
Joyce Carol Oates’ novels, Them and Sol- 
stice, 1 found both moving and absorbing 
and, until now, considered myself one of 
her fans. But after reading your Novem- 
ber Playboy Interview with her, 1 have to 
amend that: I still like her writing, but 
I'm no fan of her personal opi 

She tells Contributing Editor Law- 
rence Grobel that she found the fact that. 
Mike Tyson came into the Buster Doug- 
las fight out of shape “much more pro- 
foundly disturbing and bizarre than the 
things he did in his private life," then 
goes on to say, "I don't condone raping a 
woman but I can understand that a lot 
more than I can a heavyweight champi- 
on coming in at a young age and not be- 
ing trained." 

That she could in any way compare 
the misery, pain and suffering of a rape 
victim or, for that matter, the deep emo- 
tional and psychological problems of a 
rapist with the conditioning of a boxer is 
appalling. 

Of course, it somehow makes sense 
that this same woman tells of being sexu- 
ally molested as a child, and yet emerg- 
ing from those incidents not "damaged 
or scarred." I suspect that for all her fa- 
cility in “sympathizing” with other pev- 
ple's feelings (especially those of women) 
in her writing, she's horribly out of 
touch with her own feelings 

Ellen Smith 
Spokane, 


ington 


Your interview with Joyce Carol Oates 
reveals a woman completely out of touch 
with herself. She says she doesn't identi- 
fy with her physical self that much, that 
her spiritual, inner self is her deepest 
self, and that it expresses itself in lan- 
guage. She then exclaims later in the in- 
terview that verbal abuse is “nothing.” 
This comes from someone who would, 
presumably, have some idea of the con- 
scious and unconscious power of words. 


Besides the fact that verbal abuse can be 
equally as damaging and enduring as 
physical abuse, it often precedes it as a 
warning sign. 

Finally, as she chose to comment on 
her marriage, may I ask whether itis any 
wonder she has no children? She has an 
older husband who provides calming 
stability, never critiques her work (as he 
never reads it), takes care of the finances 
and the outside work and, essentially, 
doesn't inconvenience her. I agree with 
Oates that she doesn't have maternal in- 
stincts (at least she never nauseated us 
with some Manilowian cliché about how 
her books are her children). Her hus- 
band, however, definitely doesn’t lack 
paternal instincts. Regarding children, 
the reason they “never really thought 
about it much" may be that both accept- 
ed their current father-daughter roles 
from the get-go. Oates probably doesn't 
have time for sex anyway. 

David Frank 
Draper, Utah 


Joyce Carol Oates may be a great 
writer, but after reading her interview, | 
can't help but suspect that she writes so 
prolifically to avoid herself. She's proba- 
bly avare, at some level, that if she ever 
stopped writing and just immersed her- 
self in the flow of life for a while, she 
might discover herself, or else go nuts. If 
there were ever a writer too busy writing 
about life to actually live it, it's Joyce Car- 
ol Oates. 


If Joyce Carol Oates is a spokesperson 
for the common people in America, I'm 
Mother Goose. Oates speaking about 
the lower class: “They can't write about 
themselves" (because they haven't done 
graduate work at Rice?), "They dont 
have any language" (who is she ki 
ding?) "Sometimes they're illiterate” 
(wouldn't read an Oates novel even if it 
were written on shithouse walls?), “If 


THE PLAYMATE 
AS FINE ART 


BY 


SALVADOR DALI 


The painting reproduced in this 


ioned from 


poster was commi 


Dali 


1966. The original hangs in the 


Salvador 


Playboy in 


Playboy Mansion in Los Angeles. 


It is one of several commissions 


given to major international 
artists to create artwork entitled 


“The Playmate as Fine Art.” 


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anybody's going to write about them, it 
has to be someone who can feel sympa- 
thy for thern" (but they can't write about 
themselves, for Christ's sake! The stupid 
fuckers can't even tie their own shoes). 
Ms. Oates, we're real sorry you had to 
suffer through some rather humble cir- 
cumstances before you made it to the big 
time. You must be tormented to have so 
much, when others have so little. But 
please keep your condescending, sympa- 
thetic attitude to yourself. There are 
many, many good storytellers out here 
among us lower classes who are perfect- 
ly capable of expressing our way of life 
If you really are sincere about finding 
and encouraging good, realistic writers, 
get away from your ivory tower for a 
while. Get out here and dip your feet in- 
to real life. You might be surprised what 
you'll find in the mainstream. 
Peter K. Boyer 
Applegate, Oregon 


PLAYBOY 


BRIAN DENNEHY 

Brian Dennehy understands women 
(his reflections to Contributing Editor 
David Rensin on Sharon Stone, Ma- 
donna and Demi Moore range from tru- 
ly enlightened to brilliant), and he's 
earthy as well. His only blind spot is that 
he can't understand that a big, talented, 
over-50-year-old man with a bit of belly 
can seem very attractive to a younger 
woman. I'd like to educate him, but he's 
in either Santa Fe, Ireland or Vancouver 
while I'm in Brooklyn. 

Anyway, thanks for the 20 Questions 
(rLavBov, November) with my favorite 
actor. 


Maria Garcia 
Brooklyn, New York 


Question 16 of the 20 questions I con- 
fronted in the November pLavgoy needs 
clarification. While 1 served five years in 
the Marines, my tour in Vietnam lasted 
only eight months (not five years). I 
wouldn't want to mislead the Nam vets 
or any of your readers. Thanks for set- 
ting the record straight. 

Brian Dennehy 
Santa Fe, New Mexico 


A 20 Questions with Brian Dennehy, my 
own personal sex object! May the wind 
always be where you want it to be, Bri 
Just don't lose that evil gri 

Catharine Honeyman 
Honolulu, Hawaii 


‘SEXISM, MY SWEET 
Cynthia Heimel's November pLayeoy 
column, Sexism, My Sweet, focuses on a 
few genre writers. Now Heimel knows 
how men feel when we watch television, 
where we are bombarded by negative 
ages: We can't cook, take care of chil- 
dren, fix appliances or outdo women at 
anything. We're too dumb to know what 
food is good for us, what credit card 
10 saves us money, what insurance to buy or 


what clothes to wear. Luckily, though, 
the know-it-all Nineties woman is always 
right there to straighten out our porcine 
buus. When is the last time the charac- 
ter in a sitcom or drama who learned a 
valuable lesson wasn't a child or a man? 
On TV men and children are treated 
the same. 

A sociology professor once told me 
that for any stereotype to flourish there 
has to be some element of truth to it. 
Let'sall admit we're imperfect and try to 
see things from the other gender's point 
of view. 

I can no more avoid Heimel's column 
than I can avoid onions, though neither 
usually sets well. But I do read and try to 
understand. I hope she does the same. 

Russ Cardwell 
Anderson, South Carolina 


THREE OF A KIND 
Thank you for the best pictorial I've 
ever seen: Three of a Kind (mavnov, No- 


vember), photographed by Richard Feg- 
ley and Pedro Martinelli. I fell in love 
with Marilise, Lilian and Renata imme- 
diately. The dark hair, blue eyes and 
tanned skin multiplied by three is a near 
sensory overload. 

Jeffrey Marsh 

Rochester, New York 


The triplets from Rio are simply the 
find ofthe century! 

Gene S. Wolinski 

Sunrise, Florida 


LINDA & HARRY & BILL & HILLARY 
Michael Leahy's article, Linda & Harry 
& Bill & Hillary (rLaysoy, November), got 
the first half of its title right, as it is far 
more about the influence of TV produc- 
er Linda Bloodworth-Thomason on Bill 
Clinton's career than it is about Harry 
Ihomason. But that is probably as it 
should be, since the Clinton presidency 
is more about Hillary's political aspira- 


tons and prejudices than it is about 
Bill's. 1 suppose it was out of deference 
to the office of the president that you re- 
frained from tting the article Linda & 
© Hillary € Bill. By the way, I love 
Kunz illustration. 

Benjamin Johnson 

Phoenix, Arizona 


NEIMAN'S PASSION FOR PARIS 
I just finished reading your November 
issue and have to comment on the works 
of art that grace its pages. I'm not speak- 
ing of the Porto sisters, who are amaz- 
ingly beautiful, but of LeRoy Neiman's 
sketches of Paris (4 Passion for Paris). 1 
am especially entranced by the fountains 
at Rond-Point. 
Andy Bowden 
North York, Ontario 


The City of Light as interpreted by the 
quintessential chronicler of joie de vivre! 
What a wonderful marriage—and long 
overdue. 
Joseph F. Barletta 
Radnor, Pennsylvania 


1 was delighted to see LeRoy Neiman’s 
portfolio, A Passion for Paris. His wonder- 
ful paintings evoke the spirit and color 
of that remarkable city. Although my 
knowledge of France doesn't go back as 
far as Neiman's, I have the same love 
and passion for Paris. 

Conscquenily, we are going to publish 
later this ycar, on the 50th anniversary of 
the American liberation of Paris, a spec- 
tacular book including many of Neiman's 
paintings. Thank you for bringing this 
early pleasure to your publi 

Paul Gottlieb 

President 

Henry N. Abrams Books 
New York, New York 


JULIANNA YOUNG 
I'm still reeling after opening my No- 
vember issue to find the most beautiful 
Playmate ever. Julianna Young (Handle 
with Care) is not only the best-looking 
Playmate, she also has a body that makes 
others pale in comparison. And she's 
not 19! 
Chuck Keathley 
Omaha, Nebraska 


Julianna Young is the best PLAYBOY 
centerfold I've seen in my 25-year radio 
broadcasting career. I've been on the air 
in cities such as Los Angeles, Chicago, 
D Houston, St. Louis and Min- 
neapolis, and I've never had such enthu- 
siastic response from my listeners to a 
rLAYBOY centerfold, I just wanted you to 
know that you've outdone yourselves 

Andy Barber 
K-Hits Morning Club 
Tulsa, Oklahoma 


You can switch 
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THE ROMANS INVENTED LAWYERS. IN THEIR 


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SAMBVCA | 


ROMANA SAMBUCA + LXXXIV PROOF 


PLAYBOY AFTER HOURS 


SLING SHIFTS 


We stopped by to support the exhibit 
“A Brief History: The Jockey Underwear 
Story" at Chicago's Historical Society, 
which surveys more than 100 fact-filled 
years of undergarment development 
The exhibit was made possible, we not- 
ed, through "the generosity of Jockey 
International, Inc." We learned that un- 
til around 1870 (with the introduction of 
central heating, indoor plumbing and 
the practice of regular bathing), men 
wore bulky woolen undergarments—all 
the time. We also learned that several 
advances—the development of elastic, 
the refinement of textile manufacturing, 
the availability of laundry facilities, the 
diminution of the Chester A. Arthur 
physique, the introduction of cotton— 
conspired to transform that itchy, inti- 
mate arrangement into the sleek, com- 
fortable, silhouette-enhancing brief we 
know today. It’s nice to have the entire 
pageantry of underpants played out in 
one place. And lest the flocks of newly in- 
formed might want to get too close to the 
exhibit, the curators have put up a barri- 
er. But instead of using the usual cords 
and stanchions, designer Michae! Biddle 
uses lengths of Jockey elastic bands— 
which hold the entire show comfortably 
and without binding. 


A GREEN FINISH 


The Washington Post ran the following 
classified: “Environmentally Friendly 
Casket: Swiss engineered, recycled card- 
board, no trees must die when you do 
Mahog.-type fin. No tool assembly. Use 
for storage or Halloween while alive. 
$199, while supplies lasi 


PERSONAL TESTAMENT 


William Safire, language maven and 
proto-political columnist, collects—not 
surprisingly—books. At the top of his list 
are William Blake, Herman Melville and 
material about the Book of Job. As a col- 
lector, he thinks authors should sign 
their books when they pass them out to 
fricnds—which, presumably, enhances 
their valuc when thc books hit the sec- 


ondary market. Hence, Safıre, when dis- 
tributing his own books, does not use 
those “with compliments of the author" 
cards that publishers provide. Rather, he 
saves them, and when he gocs to the sec- 
ondhand stores, inserts them into Bibles. 


WASTE NOT, WANT NOT 


Southern California inventor Nelson 
Camus claims to have developed a bat- 
tery that uses urine instead of battery 
acid. The battery derives its power from 
chemicals in the urine that interact with 
a compound Camus concocted and 
named Nithium. If the invention is suc- 
cessful, we can imagine a scenario that 
involves a stalled car in the boonies, a 
stranded family and a father scolding 
the kids: “Damn it, you shouldn't ha: 
gone before we lefi home.” 


UNBEARABLE WHITENESS OF BEING 


For Chelsea Clinton and other stu- 
dents at Washington, D.C/s elite Sidwell 
Friends private school, it's not always 
easy to maintain a properly liberal frame 
of mind when your parents are able to 
shell out $11,000 a year in tuition. 


ILLUSTRATION BY PATER SATO 


Thankfully, Sidwell is dedicated to teach- 
ing the virtues of egalitarianism. An as- 
signment for an eighth grade class on 
multiculturalism required students to 
write a paper on "Why I Feel Guilty Be- 
ing White." 


CHILD'S PLAY 


In Massachusetts, street signs reading 
SLOW CHILDREN were deemed demeaning 
andare being replaced by ones that read 
WATCH CHILDREN—which cost $100 each. 
And to think that they could have just 
added a comma. 


Forbidden French and Forbidden. Italian 
have been out in paperback for some 
time. While we're amused by their writ- 
ten efforts to school us in the use of for- 
eign phrases, we prefer listening to their 
new taped series so we can appreciate 
the intonations of each idiom as it's spo- 
ken aloud. One of our favorites is a re- 
tort to silence an obnoxious Roman cab 
bie: “Tit parla quando pisciano le gallin 
or, "Speak only when the chicken pees." 
And to feel out that beautiful Parisian, 
see if she likes to "marcher a la voiles et a la 
vapeur." Literally, "to navigate by sail and 
steam,” it’s also a hip way of asking if 
she’s bisexual. 


CAT, A TONIC 


What's the latest in the wacky world 
of substance abuse? Methcathinone—or 
cat, as it is affectionately known. The 
stuff is made from industrial chemicals 
including battery acid and Drano, The 
high is characterized by sweating, quiv- 
cring, shaking and long periods of stu 
por—as well as paranoid musings. To 
top it off, one sheriff's deputy in Wau- 
sau, Wisconsin remarked that “the peo- 
ple who use it stink.” 


HOMEOPATHOLOGY 
In his new book, The Family Health 
Guide to Homeopathy, Dr. Barry Rese, the 
executive dean of Britain's Royal Home- 
opathic Hospital, has amassed cures to 


RAW DATA 


FACT OF THE 
MONTH 

Contrary to popu- 
lar opinion, men 
don't peak sexually 
at age 18—only their 
sexual daydreaming 
does. According to 
the Kinsey Insti- 
tute’s New Report 
on Sex, sexual activ- 
ity apparently does 
not slow down much 
with age. 


QUOTE 

“Some men know 
that a light touch of 
the tongue, running from a womar's 
toes to her ears, lingering in the soft- 
est way possible in various places in 
between, given often cnough and si 
cerely enough, would add immeasur- 
ably to world peace.” —New AGE GURU 
MARIANNE WILLIAMSON 


PAINFUL CURES 
Estimated number of Americans 
each year who suffer what doctors call 
an "adverse event"—an injury or ac- 
cident that occurs after they've been 
admitted to a hospital: 1.3 million. 


BEHIND CLOSED DOORS 
According to a survey by the mak- 
ers of Northern bathroom tissue, per- 
centage of Americans who wrap their 
toilet paper round their hand in the 
prepping stage: 30; percentage who 
fold it: 30; who crumple: 40. 


Percentage who tear the sheets ei- 
ther from the right or from the left: 
77; who yank it straight down: 22; 
who are two-fisted tearers: 7. 


TELEPESTS 
Number of people in the U.S. em- 
ployed by telemarketers to make calls 
to customers: 2.6 million. Percentage 
increase in the volume of calls in the 
past two years: 40. 


TO HELL WITH ‘EM 
Number of people in the state of 
Alabama who Southern Baptists say 


risk eternal damna- 
tion: 1.86 million. 


THROWAWAY ZONE 

Reported amount 
owed to the District 
of Columbia by the 
former Soviet Union 
for parking fines: 
$3.0 million. 


SOUND SLEEP. 

In a recent survey, 
percentage of women 
who complain about 
their husbands or 
boyfriends’ snoring: 
33. Of those who 
complain, percentage who say they 
would sleep better without the snor- 
er: 14. Percentage who would sleep 
worse if they slept alone: 23. 


POSTING PROFITS 

Amount the U.S. Postal Service re- 
ceived from the 36 companies repro- 
ducing the Elvis stamp image on 
T-shirts, coffee mugs, clocks and puz- 
zles: $1 million. Amount paid to 
the artist who did the stamp illustra- 
tion: $3000. 


HOLLYWOOD DOGS 
Cost of Shutzhund-trained Ger- 
man shepherd guard dogs owned by 
such celebs as Shannen Doherty, 
Jason Alexander and Bo Derek: 
$25,000. 


GREASY SPOONS 

In the average public school lunch, 
percentage of calories that come from 
fat: 39; percentage of fat calories in 
daily diet that the surgeon general 
says may lead to fatal degenerative 
diseases: 30. In a recent 17-year peri- 
od, percentage increase of obesity in 
children aged to 11: 54. 


SHOP TALK 

According to a survey by the Fami- 
lies and Work Institute, percentage 
of U.S. workers in the past year who 
are employed by companies that cut 
back their work force: 49; percentage 
of workers who feel burnt out at the. 
end of the day: 42. —BETTY SCHAAL 


ailments we hardly knew existed, from 
arrogance to what seems to be a male 
version of nymphomania—the lauer 
characterized by a “pleasant itching of 
the genitalia and greatly increased de- 
sire and pa s interested 
in an antidote to this condition, Rose 
suggests the obscure pharmaceutical 
Anacardium 30. He has also prescribed 
remedies based on personality types he 
has encountered and wished he could 
change: "peevish, forgetful women,” 
"talkative, foolish women who laugh at 
everything,” "nervous, lively and affec- 
tionate women" and “immoral, moody, 
busy women who are sensitive to music. 
Since we haven't known many women 
like this since we last read Wuthering 
Heights, we'll keep the Anacardium 30— 
and The Family Health Guide to Homeopa- 
thy—on the bookshelf. 


How can it lose? The Treasury Depart- 
ment's Historical Association is raising 
money by offering ornaments that cele- 
brate the 80th anniversary of the 16th 
Amendment—the one that authorized 
the income tax. The ornaments, which 
sell for $11, are gold-finished, three-di- 
mensional reproductions of the 1913 in- 
come tax form. 


THE RIGHT-TO-PARTY CANDIDATE 


Bob Benz, a city councilman in Her- 
mosa Beach, Cahtornia, is taking some 
heat for helping to organize last year's 
local ironman competition. Contestants 
were encouraged to run a mile, paddle a 
surfboard a mile and then chug a six- 
pack of beer without hurling. Benz also 
co-produced a video of the event, a por- 
tion of which aired on local T V —includ 
ing a segment on the "most picturesque 
vomiting" award. The councilman held 
the contest on a beach where drinking is 
illegal, and the event provoked protests 
from residents who complained that 
contestants were urinating in public 
Benz, summoning the sort of contrition 
we've come to expect from public of- 
ficials, said, "I had a great time." 


PANTIE-LINE FEVER 


In their never-en search for 
freshness and availability, used-pantie 
enthusiasts in Japan have pushed the de- 
mand for undergarments imbued with 
the dewy transpirations of eager young 

out of sleazy shops and into 
tous vending machines that 
line suburban streets. Rather than dis- 
couraging the business-suited, main- 
stream fetish freaks, the authorities have 
attacked the trend at the source: During 
a punitive sweep through an alley in the 
middle of the city, Tokyo police recently 
arrested more than 100 high school girls 
who were looking to sell their used 
panties to vendors. 


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16 


NELSON GEORGE 


DURING THE YEARS of funk’s creative 
peak—1969 to 1976—the music never 
got the mainstream acceptance of its 
predecessors, soul and R&B, or its com- 
petitor, disco. That is not to suggest that 
funk generated no crossover hits. Sly & 
the Family Stone had many big singles. 
Kool and the Gang, the Ohio Players 
and Earth, Wind and Fire also enjoyed 
top-ten hits, though much of the best 
funk was consumed only within the 
black community. Now, with a full-scale 
Seventies revival underway and with 
funk samples underpinning current hip- 
hop, funk CD collections are starting to 
surface. 

Mercury's Funk Essentials set is a must. 
The early Seventies are represented 
here with a double CD on Parliament, 
single sets on the Bar-Kays, Kool and the 
Gang, Con Funk Shun and Cameo, and 
a compilation titled Funky Stuff. (They can 
all be purchased individually.) There are 
plenty of mainstream hits in each pack- 
age, though the real joy is catching up 
to great underground classics such as 
Cameosis and Leon Haywood's / Want to 
Do Something Freaky to You, which is sam- 
pled on Dr. Dre's mulüplatinum album. 

Less coherent but still fun is In Yo” Facet: 
The History of Funk (Rhino), a fivc-volumc 
set that contains selections from a variety 
of labels and artists. The set isn't 
arranged by artist or chronology, which 
sometimes makes it hard to figure out 
the criteria for inclusion. Just be ready to 
scan quickly to Bootsy's The Pinocchio 
Theo id Slave's Slide, as well as to such 
obscurities as Bernie Worrell's Insurance 
Man for the Funk. 


Fast cuts: De La Soul's third album, 
Buhloone Mind State (Tommy Boy), is 
clever, creative and fun. This Long Is- 
land rap trio's lyrics can be as willfully 
oblique as Steely Dan's, but its musical 
reach is wide. Buhloone's first single, 
Breakadawn, and Stone Age (with a contri- 
bution from Biz Markie), as well as the 
jazzy instrumental featuring saxophonist 
Maceo Parker, are among the many 
highlights. You have to enter into De La 
Soul's "buhloone mind state" to truly en- 
joy this collection. 


VIC GARBARINI 


Where have all the sensitive singer- 
songwriters gone? Gone to Nashville, 
every onc. Well, almost. What was con- 
sidered sensitive and lyrical 20 years ago 
now sounds wistful or wimpy. So the best 
of the crop have found surrogate voices 
in rock or country to give their songwrit- 
ing some fresh energy and backbone. 


De La Soul's Buhloone Mind State. 


New sounds from De La Soul 
and Rickie Lee Jones, and 
Bob Dylan walks it like he talks it. 


Janis Ian moved to Music City a few 
years ago and has been collaborating 
with the likes of John Mellencamp on his 
recent Human Wheels. Linda Ronstadt 
muse Karla Bonoff and Band buddy 
Jesse Winchester contributed top-rate 
material to Wynonna Judd's marvelous 
Tell Me Why (Curb/MCA), in which Judd's 
velvet-covered voice makes the writers’ 
work resonate again. Rickie Lee Jones, 
however, is too much of a bohemian to 
wind up on Music Row. At her best, she 
blends Bonnie Raitt’s bluesy ballsiness 
with Joni Mitchell's jazzy insouciance. 
Traffic from Paradise (Geffen) is her most 
focused and vibrant work since her late- 
Seventies debut. Leo Kottke's guitar 
weaves a delicate latticework on which 
Jones hangs her tales of romantic real- 
ism, seasoned by her jazz sensibilities. 
There's a pungently self-referential re- 
make of Bowie's Rebel Rebel, and she 
genuinely revels in the joys of momhood 
on Jolie Jolie. But Jones hasn't entirely es- 
caped clichés. Her tendency to sing in a 
warped whimper, as if someone had pis- 
tol-whipped her inner child, can be irri- 
tating. But her bracing duets with Lyle 
Lovett on Running from Mercy and David 
Baerwald on The Albatross prove she can 
bring her pipes, as well as her songwrit- 
ing, into the Nineties style. 


Fast CUTS: Andy Summers and John 
Etheridge, Invisible Threads (Mesa/Blue- 
moon): The thread that runs through 
Summer's guitar work with the Police, 


and through his solo albums, is his un- 
canny ability to merge jazz, folk, classical 
and avant-garde influences into a kind 
of postmodern World Music mix. The 
acoustic duets with guitarist John Eth- 
eridge show that he can work just as ex- 
otically without electricity. 


ROBERT CHRISTGAU 


‘Techno is music created by producers 
and DJs remixing at will. None of the 
“groups” who've made it—Utah Saints, 
the Prodigy, Ultramarine, Orbital, the 
Orb—have registered the kind of per- 
sonal impact that means stardom as we 
know it. So maybe producer-D] Moby 
will never be a star, either. An alterna- 
tive-rock veteran whose lush, propulsive 
Go is the most universally admired of all 
techno anthems, he does perform live. 
But his stage presence is rigorously self- 
effacing. As a mild-mannered ascetic 
equipped with computerized keyboards 
and a three-legged stool, Moby seems to 
conjure the music out of the void. 

From the quietly trance-like to the ec- 
statically hyper, his best records share a 
recognizable feel—they are simultane- 
ously modest and luxuriant. And he has 
a pop sense—he knows melodies, he 
knows hooks and he knows they're not 
always the same. 

Moby's six-cut, 30-minute Move (Elek- 
tra) is a high-energy showcase. Every- 
thing is unique except one remix, and it 
never quits. Ambient (Instinct) is more 
unified, the kind of aural wallpaper Bri- 
an Eno can't put up anymore. Go is on 
the somewhat spottier Meby (Instinct). 
Start with Move and hear what I mean. 


FAST CUTS: And now, three traditional 
techno compilations: Aural Ecstasy: The 
Best of Techno (Relativity) is loud, obvi- 
ous—hell, almost rocklike. 1 prefer the 
smoother Futurhythms (Medicine), which I 
guarantee won't put you to sleep. While 
Welcome to the Future (Epic) is up and 
s ups include Out of the Ordinary's 
visionary techno-pre-techno pairing, 
and the Hammond B3 trip Da Da Da. 


CHARLES M. YOUNG 


Whar's alternative now that alterna- 
tive has become mainstream? 
songwriters. Folkies. Songs in which the 
lyrics aren't fighting to be heard above 
overdriven guitars. Acoustic, in varying 
degrees, is the new underground 
Michelle Malone has one of the new al- 
ternative voices that deserves to be 
heard. After a failed try at a major label, 
she returns to her proper indie roots 
with New Experience (Sky). Malone is first 


A 


EAU DE TOILETTE 
NATURAL SPRAY 


of all a skilled actress who convincingly 
conveys a remarkable variety of moods 
in the course of an hour of music. But 
the moods always service the eerie songs, 
which are also remarkably good. Malone 
has a gift for riff and melody, and lyrics 
with just enough indirection that you're 
not quite sure what all the emotion is 
about, but you believe it anyway. 


FAST CUTS: African Acoustic: Guitar Songs 
from Tanzania, Zambia and Zaire (Original 
n the Fifties the acoustic guitar 
became widely available in Africa for the 
first time, and it became a genre unto it- 
self until the introduction of the electric 
in the early Sixties. To Western ears the 
music is astonishingly different but full 
of wonderful ideas. If you seek to under- 
stand current African pop, this will help. 

Nicky Skopelitis, Ekstasis (Axiom): Hyp- 
notic weirdness by a terrific guitarist who 
wants you to go into a trance, not to be 
impressed with how fast his fingers move. 


DAVE MARSH 


Like last year's vastly underrated Good 
As I Been to You, Bob Dylan’s World Gone 
Wrong (Columbia) features Dylan solo— 
just his voice and acoustic guitar—per- 
forming folk and blues standards. World 
Gone Wrong is the better record. Its songs 
are stronger, the singing is more assured 
and the pace is less agitated. The still 
center of Delia and Lone Pilgrim and the 
wry humor of Blood in My Eyes and Jack- 
A-Roe link directly to Good As I Been to You 
as well as to his debut album, made 30 
years ago. World Gone Wrong is about Dyl- 
an the artist, a consummate American 
musician, In the end, what might really 
measurc his genius arc the links between 
these traditional songs and his own. On 
cuts he wrote, Every Grain of Sand, 
Caribbean Wind, Broumsville Girl and Blind 
Willie McTell, Dylan walks it like he talks 
it: The traditional cuts on World Gone 
Wiong derive their power from McTell. 
Bob Dylan stirred up in me a love for 
folk and blues music traditions three 
decades ago. It's still going strong. 


FAST CUTS: Dave Alvin, Museum of Heart 
(Hightone): One of Dylan's true heirs 
with a set of sharply observed, tartly 
sung, tightly played story-songs as good. 
as his days in the Blasters. 

William S. Burroughs, Spare Ass Annie 
& Other Toles (Island): Not exactly what 
would have been predicted for the Dis- 
posable Heroes of Hiphoprisy. A brilliant 
musical contextualization of the world's 
most distinctive spoken-word artist, its 
theme makes it as close as hip-hop has 
come to slipping out of the closet. 

Seattle . . . the Dark Side (American Re- 
cordings): Sir Mix-a-Lot’s hip-hop posse 
romps through tunes that make Seattle's 
grunge-bearing honky homeboys sound 
tame and conventional. 


FAST TRACKS 


OCKMETER 


Christgou | Gorbarini 

De La Soul 

Buhloone Mind State. 9 6 7 8 
6 8 6 10 9 

Rickie Lee Jones 

Traffic from Paradise 6 7 U 8 
4 6 8 9 
9 5 6 6 6 


le GIRLS- JUST-WANT-TO-HAVE-FUN DEPART- 
MENT: RuPaul wanted to enter both the 
male and female categories for his 
Grammy nomination, but the Nation- 
al Academy of Recording Arts and 
Sciences said no. Look for gender to 
win out. 

REELING AND ROCKING: Clint Black 
makes his movie debut in Maverick, 
starring J Foster, Mel Gibson and 
James Gorner. Who directed Cotor 
Me Badd's video Time and Chance? Ice 
Cube. . . . Paula Abdul is slated for her 
first starring movie role, a musical, 12 
Bar Blues. . . . The House Party and 
Boomerang Hudlin Brothers are working 
on a new movie, PFunk, and develop- 
ing TV pilots for next season. . . . 
David Bowie's latest film gig was Show- 
time’s Reunion, co-starring Gena Row- 
lands, Ben Gozzera and Liza Minnelli, 
among others. 

newssreaks: The all-new cable jazz 
channel ought to be up and running 
late this year. Launched by Black En- 
tertainment TV, it will encourage 
record companies to invest in jazz 
videos. Besides videos, look for festi- 
vals, concerts and documentaries. 

Tori Amos’ follow-up to her gold debut 
LP is due any day now. .. . MCA is re- 
leasing a slew of Jimi Hendrix material 
on CD, to indude a previously unre- 
leased studio blues LP and the com- 
plete Hendrix Woodstock recordings, 
in honor of Woodstock's 25th an- 
niversary. ... The follow-up to the 
Peppers’ Blood Sugar Sex Magik is 
coming, with Rick Rubin producing 
again. Speaking of Rubin, he’s also 
producing Johnny Cash, John Hiatt is 
among those asked to contribute 
songs. . . . Stewart Copeland has turned 
his attention from film scores, opera 
and ballet to percussion and African 
music. He's touring now with vinx 
and the Rhythmetists (artists from 
Brazil and Africa). The old King 


Biscuit Flour Hour radio shows may be 
released on disc, if the producers can 
get artists’ clearances. . . . Although a 
double LP to benefit Greenpeace was 
a flop in America when it was released 
a few ycars ago, another one is in the 
works. Contributing live studio tracks 
or concert performances are Annie 
Lennox, R.E.M., U2, James, PM. Down, 
Soundgerden and 17, among others. 
The LP is called Alternative NRG. . 
The Chieftains’ session, called Chieftains 
and Friends, will include cuts with the 
Stones, Mark Knopfler, Bono, Jerry Garcia, 
Tom Jones and Eric Clapton... . Last fall 
the Mighty Mighty Bosstones were playing 
Rochester, New York when the floor 
began to sink. The Bosstones realized 
alter they got to the stage that their 
fans were getting shorter and farther 
away thanks to the weight of 1000 
fans pogoing through the opening 
act... . Ax Rose reported last summer 
that label stickering hurt the sales of 
Guns n' Roses’ LPs because many stores 
refuse to carry stickered albums. . . . 
Forty years of rock and roll will air on 
TV in five nights late this year, as An- 
drew Solt, owner of The Ed Sullivan 
Show library, and Quincy Jones co-pro- 
duce The Rock 'n Roll Era. . . . Look for 
the Ramones’ new LP, Acid Eaters, with 
a guest appearance by Pete Town- 
shend. . . . Poul McCartney's live album 
cover spoofs the Abbey Road cover that 
caused all the Paul-is-dead rumors in 
the Sixties. The same photographer 
was hired and the picture was grafted 
via computer with the original back- 
ground. .. . Finally, according to our 
friends at Rock & Rap Confidential, doc- 
tors at the Naval Medical Center re- 
port that patients who listen to music 
over headphones during rectal exams 
experience less anxiety and discom- 
fort. How do you spell relief? Disco? 
Death metal? Techno? 

— BARBARA NELLIS 


17 


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STYLE 


TIED TO A CAUSE 


Fashion can change the world, at least according to several tie 
manufacturers who regularly contribute between five and ten 
percent of their wholesale costs to charitable organizations. 
One of our favorites, Salant Menswear, is working with Save 
the Children and the Design Industries Founda- 
tion for AIDS. Ties benefiting Save the Children 
were drawn by children and picked from a na- 
tionwide contest ($30), while the Diffa ties 
feature abstract artwork donated by the 
design community ($30). Also helping 
Difía is Lorenzo Vega, whose "de- 
signer ties" display the labels of 
68 clothing designers ($28). 
Steven Krauss Menswear 
Co. has a collection of silk 
ties with celebrity auto- 
graphs, spotlights 
tied red rib- 
bons and comedy- 
and-tragedy masks, 
all of which help 
fund Broadway Carey 
Equity Fights AIDS. Everything 
from dinosaurs to zebras is illus- 
tated on Wemco's Endangered 
z es. Donations from this collection go to 
the American Association of Zoological Parks and 
Aquariums. Finally, Randa's CARE ties ($25), which benefit 
CARE's work worldwide, feature designs based on interna- 
tional books and fabrics. Each one has an explanation of the 
design's origin as well as a "Made with CARE" label. 


UNDERWEAR GOES OUTERWEAR 


The standard cotton waffle-weave fabric used in 
thermal underwear has come out into the open 
in the form of practical sportswear for winter. 
For example, everything by Fitigues, from hats 
to pants, is made of thermal cotton. We espe- 
cially like the long pants with an elastic waist- 
band and contrast stitching ($58). Cotton Stuff 
also offers thermal pants ($52), but its ultracom- 
fortable versions have thick rope drawstring 
waists with grommets placed to keep the pants 
flat in back and gathered only in front. If you're 
into eco-fashions, O wear's hooded long-sleeve 
thermal button-front shirts ($77) are made from 
organically grown cotton and Earth-friendly dyes. 
(rhe buttons are shaped like rain forest nuts.) 
Other designers have upgraded thermal fabric 
with silk. French Connection offers a silk-and- 
cotton thermal Henley in six colors ($65). Per 
Lui Per Lei has a luxurious silk sport shirt 
with a thermal-like waffle weave ($190). 


S T Y L 


JEWELRY 


Leather neck and wrist cords with pendants; 


HOT SHOPPING: PARK CITY, UTAH 


High-altitude shopping without the attitude can be found in 
Park City, an old mining town turned ski village with less glit- 


ter than Aspen but 
CLOTHES LINE 


just as much glam- 

our Here's a sam- 

E ME For 1994, postmodern alchemists 
Penn & Teller turned to Canali, one 
of President Clinton's favorite la- 

bels, for some new 


place for hand-knit 
alpaca sweaters and 

gray suits. Why? “Be- 
cause Billy’s a schlub- 


handwoven blankets 
and tapestries. * 
Cole Sport (1615 
Park Avenue): Fash- 
ionable skiwear by 


by middle-aged man 
like us, and Canali 
makes him look pretty 
good," explains Teller, 
who adds that he 


partial to Allen-Ed- 

monds spectator shoes 

and orders five dozen 

identical ties at a time, 

since "they tend to get 
blood-soaked." Off- 

stage, Penn favors 
Harley-Davidson T-shirts and Air 
Nikes with Velcro because "laces 
waste time.” Beneath his "stupid- 
fat-guy-size-40-waist jeans," he 
sports glow-in-the-dark-firefly box- 
ers—comfortable attire for playing 
the new Penn & Teller video game. 


Charlie (541 


Main 
Street): Distinctive 
Western gear along- 
side custom-fitted 
cowboy hats and 
boots. € The Factory 
Stores (6699 N 
Landmark Drive): 
Forty-eight manufac- 
turer outlets includ- 
ing Guess, Geoff- 
rey Beene, Brooks 
Brothers and Bugle 
Boy. * La Niche 
Gourmet & Gitts (401 
Main Street): Espresso experts who also offer antique 
pine furniture and quilts and English and Italian 
home accessories. * The Barking Frog Grill (968 
Main Street): Mesquite-grilled Southwestern 
cuisine as original as the restaurant's name. 


STASHING YOUR CASH 


Believe it or not, wallet styles change. too. This 
season you can go classic with a traditional 
leather billfold by Ghurka ($98), or a slightly 

oversized one by Donna Karan ($185). Polo/ 

Ralph Lauren's Italian leather billfold ($100) has 

a window that's perfect for your gym ID or driv- 

ers license, and Salvatore Ferragamo's black 

goatskin double money clip has a secuon for 

storing coins ($95). From Harley-Davidson, 
there's a black leather, logo-embossed, tri- 
fold wallet ($32). Or if you're rolling in 
dough and need more room, De Vecch 
alligator breast-pocket secretary holds 
checks, credit cards and money ($465). 


E T E R 


our 


Gold neck chains; bolo ties; turquoise any- 
thing; crystal pendants; multiple earrings 


Tie tacks and bars; callar bars; lapel pins; 
clunky cuff links; status-watch knockoffs 


CASUAL thin metal bracelets; small gold ear hoops 

Matte metals; simple cuff links; chain or ID 
AR) bracelets; signet pinkie rings; watch fobs 
FORMAL Subtle studs and cuff links in onyx, gold or 


enamel; a stud in place of a bow tie 


Beaded bow ties; thick gold bracelets; 
brightly enameled studs 


Where & How to Buy on page 145. 


NIGHTLIFE 


By DEAN KUIPERS 


THE CROWD at Slim’sin San Francisco 
never been my I's mostly a 
sports-coat-and-scotch gang, and no one 
really thrashes there anymore. But this 
past June I saw the place sold out and 
coming apart, people reaching out to 
take the performers for a ride on a wave 
of empathy and shouts and surpassed 
expectations. No, it wasn't an evening of 
bitter blues or screaming death metal or 
hip-hop—it was two nights of spoken 
word performance called Howls, Raps 
and Roars. 

A woman named Avoicje wanted 10 
perform a poem about the blues, but she 
could barely hold back her magic voice, 
as if she really wanted to sing the blues 

ather than read it. So she asked the 
crowd for help. "Listen up, y'all. I need 
you to sing this blues riff." Then she led 
the audience through a George Thoro- 
good grind. People were tearing it up 
like they were born to the blues. 

Don Bajema, an actor and writer, 
stepped to the mike and delivered a 
scathing rendition of Blacktop, in which 
he tries to sell a chunk of highway be- 
cause "that is where America's history 
happens.” The pitch includes the bla 
phemous idea that "President Ken- 
nedy s occipital bone got slapped out on 
Main Street like a slung piece of can- 
The room moaned. 
primed for Michael 
Franti, a handsome, commanding rap- 
per . For 
merly with the Beatnigs and now with 
the popular Disposable Heroes of Hip- 
hoprisy, Franti worked the stage hard as 
he launched into the lyrics from one of 
the Heroes’ hit singles. a rhyme about at 
tacks from inside and outside the black 
community. When he reached the last 
chorus—"For death is the silence/In this cy- 
cle of violence/For death is the silence’ —a 
woman in the corner yelled “Teach!” 
and everyone in the dub leapt to their 
feet for a long ovation 

Just when F thought it couldn't get any 
better, John Sinclair walks onstage. He's 
musicologist and poet from Detroit, 
probably best remembered for his asso- 
ciation with the White Panther Party. 
nied by local blue: 
dobro, the first 
contribute all 


favor 


stage w 


vith a stunning baritone voice 


Sinclair is accomp 
man Mike Hendes 
musical instrument. to 
ight. Sinclair lays into a long piece 
about the death of delta blues ace Robert 
‚Johnson. His whole paunchy body seems 
like it wants to fly right up to the ceiling. 
he's straining so hard against the words. 
The place falls apart. People are laugh 
ing, clapping, coyote-whooping, shout- 
ing out "Go on” and “Yeah!” Still his 
voice strains on, leaving perfect breaks 
for Henderson's soul grind. The combi- 


son o 


Sinclair: Poetry goes ballistic 


Rock and roll 
meets 
the spoken word. 


nation is so intense that it threatens to 
break the building down. 

Welcome to the decade of the word: 
California in the Nineties. The sedate, 
classic prose-and-poctry reading has 
been transformed. Word is a revitalized 
forum for writers of any genre: rap, 
monolog, poetry, the novel, journalism, 
performance art, even stand-up comedy 
The scene is drawing out those writers 
who feel called to perlorm. and the audi- 
ence has come to expect nor just great 
writing but also great delivery. 
face it, people want rock and r 
that's where the word revival got its 
energy: from punk and rap. A lot of 
the biggest names in spoken word are 
punk stars such as Lydia Lunch, Henry 
Rollins, Exene Cervenka, John Doe and 
Jello Biafra. But that’s not where word 
started, 

Harvey Kubernik, 
from Ls 


a producer-per- 
fe s Angeles, coined the 
term in 1971. He wanted to yank spoken 
performance out of academic lectu 


me 


ecir- 
cuits and invade the music clubs. He 
imagined a new literary tradition that 
was more about living words for hungry 
throngs. than the 
rarefied study and recitation of verse. 

He had to wait a decade, but now the 
question is: Where is there not a word 
show happening tonight? We're drown- 
ing in it in California. Word is in eve 
crappy bar, in the parks at lunchtime, in 
theaters, all over college radio, even at 
the president's Inauguration 


more about shows 


But what I love most about the word 
revival is that it’s not always pretty. Its 
infected with the punk, do-it-yourself, 
instant-cynic ethic that demands perfor- 
mance or else. That's the way it should 
be. Even if it hurts 

One Saturday night in July a crowd 
gathered for the Poetry Slam team finals 
at the Brainwash Café. The place was 
packed with 70 people, and 30 more 
waited to get in. One by one, six local po- 
ets did their best short pieces, competing 
for a $10 prize and a trip to the Na- 
tional Poetry Slam, held this past Octo- 
ber in San Francisco. 

The audience members were not actu- 
ally booing people off the stage as they 
have on many other nights, but they 
were yelling comments and alternative 
lines. A few years ago you would have 
led that heckling, but now it's part of 
the game. The grand prize went to Nan- 
cy Depper for a poem called “Sex with 
God,” which nailed the crowd with a 
great first line: “It was pretty hot. . . 
Alterward, she assured me that this is the 
“worst poem | ever wrote in my life. 1 
hate it. But it works the room." 


Ar least some of word's raging new 
popularity derives from the fact that 
some of the big dogs are packing large 
venues and making a buck. In May I was 
at the Warfield Theater to see Henry 
Rollins, formerly with the punk band 
Black Flag, perform along with Don Ba- 
jema, Hubert Selby, Jr, author of Last 
Exit ta Brooklyn, and Exene Cervenka 
from X, probably Los Angeles’ favorite 
punk band. 

The Warfield is where big acts such as 
Sonic Youth and Nirvana play, and there 
were about 700 people on hand. Rollins 
paced the stage in his cutoff. Army-fa- 
tigue pants and boots, his many tattoos 
somehow filling the auditorium, telling 
stories from his nonstop gig schedule 
and reading a funny poem called Ode 
to MTV Unplugged in a snotty English 
accent, Everyone was strangely polite. 
They were back in the ivory tower: It 
was a big, expensive ticket, and the fans 
wed to hear every golden fart. 

Which, as far as Ecan tell, is 
spoke br 
Over the past few years the genre has 
emerged asa forum in which writers and 
poeis—ıhose who prefer performing to 
chasing Guggenheims or teaching fresh- 
man English—can get a roaring audi- 
ence with a good ear. But, far more im- 
portant, it has become a fresh hunting 
ground for children of rock and roll still 
looking for bursts of identification with 
one another, for liberation and for wild 
nights of crazy art and words that live in 
your head until the next morning. 


wa 


not where 


word 


king new ground. 


21 


22 


MOVIES 


By BRUCE WILLIAMSON 


A RICH, challenging cinematic treat, play- 
wright John Guare's spry screen adapta- 
n of Six Degrees of Separation (MGM) in- 
s new zest into his international stage 


je 


J 
hit. Decidedly not for audiences seeking 


escape, the movie, directed by Fred 
Schepisi, opens up Guare's provocative 
one-set play based on an actual incident, 
Will Smith, better known as TV's Fresh 
Prince of Bel Air, dissembles royally as the 
young hustler who passes himself off to 
wealthy New Yorkers as the son of 
ney Poitier. He also pretends to be on 
timate terms with their offspring in the 
best Ivy League schools. Stockard Chan- 
ning and Donald Sutherland perform 
brilliantly as his gullible victims, a Fifth 
Avenue couple whose double-dealing in 
the art world may be as big a scam as any 
perpetrated by their fast-talking night 
visitor. “Let's not be star-fuckers,” says 
Channing coyly, a seriocomic wonder 
who believes she just might be cast by 
Poitier to be an extra in his new movie 
based on Cals. Only the kids home from 
college see the truth in Guare's biting 
satire about parents and children, haves 
and have-nots, right and wrong and the 
thin line separating everybody on the 
planet “by only six degrees.” This witty 
brainteaser offers no simple answers but 
cleverly weaves its questions into a guilt- 
edged parlor game. ¥¥¥¥ 


Johnny Depp's title role in What’s Eot- 
ing Gilbert Grape (Paramount) has touches 
of the on-camera magic that made Ed- 
ward Scissorhands so enjoyable. Depp 
plays a mild grocery clerk in a small 
lowa town where he makes out with a 
married customer (Mary Steenburgen) 
while making deliveries, then goes home 
to keep his dysfunctional family from 
falling apart. Although Gilbert's sisters 
seem normal, his obese mother (Darlene 
Cates), whom he calls “a beached whale,” 
never leaves the house, and his brother 
Arnie (Leonardo DiCaprio) is a mentally 
deficient kid with a dangerous penchant 
for climbing to the top of the town’s wa 
ter tower. Only his budding relationship 
with a stranded tourist named Becky 
(Juliette Lewis) gives Gilbert a new out- 
look, and Lewis’ affected manner looks 
precisely right this time. Adapted by 
Peter Hedges and based on his nov- 
el, Gilbert Grape might have seemed a 
us in the wrong hands. Luck- 
ily, Swedish director Lasse Hallström 
(whose My Life as a Dog won him a 1987 
Oscar nomination) knows how to lighten 
an unabashedly heartwarming movie 
with wry humor. And DiCaprio (last seen 
in This Boys Life) as the retarded teen- 


Quinn and Stowe: Blink's eye-filling duo. 


Mavericks on tap include a 
Poitier impersonator, a doomed 
Romeo and a serial killer at large. 


ager gives a performance to remember 
when they start doling out acting honors 
for 1993. vvv/; 


Saigon as a balmy demiparadise in the 
decade between 1951 and 1961 is the ro- 
mantic setting for The Scent of Green Pa- 
paya (First Look). Writer-director "Iran 
Anh Hung, born in Vietnam, actually 
had to shoot this sentimental journey in 
France—waxing nostalgic about a deli- 
cate ritual of courtship between Mui 
(Iran Nu Yén-Khé), a graceful servant 
girl, and Khuyen (Vuong Hoa Hoi), the 
successful young composer who employs 
her. Domestic arts such as peeling and 
preparing papaya made women's work 
seem as eloquent as poetry during hap- 
pier days in Vietnam. How Mui's quiet 
presence finally wins Khuyen away from 
his giddy, sophisticated fiancée is the 
whole story. Tran spells it out with very 
little dialogue—as leisurely erotica in 
flawless good taste. ¥¥¥ 


Don't expect to have a wonderful time 
watching Savage Nights (Gramercy), a 
grim but fascinating French movie that 
as showered with 1993 awards there 
Sadly, Cyril Collard, who wrote, directed 
and stars in Savage Nights, died of AIDS 
at the age of 35 only s before his 
autobiogra 
France's Cesar. Collard play: 
handsome filmmaker who pi 


hical magnum opus won 
Jean, a 


rough trade for anonymous sex under 
bridges and sleeps with a male hustler 
named Samy (Carlos Lopez) and with 
devoted Laura (Romane Bohringer, cat- 
apulted to stardom by her volatile per- 
formance here). Jean seldom bothers to 
inform his partners that he is HIV-posi- 
tive. Even so, he is a perversely attrac- 
ive character who drives at breakneck 
speed, defies his stunned parents and re- 
fuses to be cowed by AIDS. The knowl- 
edge that Collard has no future to follow 
up his lurid past undoubtedly adds im- 
pact to Savage Nights, a macabre, unnerv- 
ing blend of fact and fiction. ¥¥'/: 


A lovely blind violinist (Madeleine 
Stowe) regains much of her sight after 
corneal-transplant surgery. One of the 
first things she sees is a serial killer leav- 
ing a neighbor's apartment. Enter the 
sympathetic Chicago detective (Aidan 
Quinn) who believes and befriends her, 
to put it mildly, in the suspenseful, en- 
tertaining Blink (New Line). The title 
hints at the heroine's peculiar tendency 
to hallucinate—not a highly desirable 
trait for an eyewitness. À provocative 
screenplay by Dana Stevens, a fillip of 
special effects and able direction by 
Michael Apted (Coal Miner's Daughter) 
propels Blink into the mainstream as a 
romantic thriller. The movie's chief as- 
sets are Stowe and Quinn—a mercurial 
screen team with a touch of chemistry, 
they all but glow in the dark. ¥¥¥ 


Mikhail Gorbachev appears as himself 
with an angel (played by Otto Sander) 
looking over his shoulder in Faraway, So 
Close (Sony Classics) by German director 
Wim Wenders. Peter Falk also drops in 
periodically as the star of TV's Columbo, 
singer Lou Reed appears in concert, and 
Willem Dafoe plays a devilish symbolic 
character who pretty much sums up the 
film's philosophical pretensions. A kind 
of sequel to the director's Wings of Desire, 
made in 1987, Faraway, So Close has the 
air of a high-concept project seen by 
Wenders as a way to bring some of his fa- 
vorite characters together under an op- 
pressively dull, dark cloud. Y 


Lest they be separated by child-wel 
fare officials, four orphaned children en- 
tomb their dead mother in the base- 
ment. T is the gist of The Cement 
Garden (October), which ends with the 
teenage brother and sister (Andrew 
Robertson and Charlotte Gainsbourg) 
having an incestuous fling. Sinead Cu- 
sack portrays their late mother, trundled 
around as a corpse in a role that couldn't 


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24 


Binoche: America’s favorite Eurobabe. 
OFF CAMERA 


In the U.S. from France for the 
New York Film Festival preview of 
y 's Three Colors: 
Blue, opening here soon, Juliene 
Binoche sips Pcrricr and wonders 
aloud why she usually gets the sex- 
pot roles in her English-language 
movies. "I am always surprised 
to be offered them," she notes, 
smiling seductively. Binoche first 
caused heat rash wowing Daniel 
Day-Lewis in The Unbearable Light- 
ness of Being, then played the 
temptress who destroys Jeremy 
Irons’ career and marriage in last 
year's Damage. “In any case,” she 
adds, “you don't play eroticism as 
such, you just deal with the story 
and situation.” For her “harsh, fu- 
rious performance” as the young 
widow of a famous composer in 
Three Colors: Blue, she won the Ven- 
ice Festival's Best Actress award. 

After this trip, she plans to take 
some time off with her new baby. 
“While E was pregnant, I paint 
ed a lot—mostly abstracts, which 
seemed more about feeling some- 
thing you can't see.” She is 29, not 
married to her child's father, and 
she prefers to leave him out of the 
conversation. “You wouldn't know 
him, anyway. He's not an actor." 

From a theatrical family, Bi- 
noche has performed Chekhov on 
the stage in Paris, though her elo- 
quent eyes seem to focus most ra- 
diantly on cinema. "Acting is most- 
ly instinctive, all in the cyes—the 
doorway to your soul.” In her 
French films she has had to water- 
ski and do two risky parachute 
jumps ("1 thought I was going to 
die"). But so far she has resisted 
Hollywood's overtures to do chal- 
lenging outdoor action films. 
Among the parts dangled before 
her was the female lead in Jurassic 
Park, which she had to decline. 
"Great chance if you want to run 
and jump, Spielberg told me. I'd 
like to work with him. Maybe I'd 
have been more tempted if he had 
asked me to play a dinosaur." 


have been much fun. Of course, having 
fun is hardly the point of Cement Gar- 
den, based on lan McEwan's novel, but 
director Andrew Birkin stages it effec- 
tively as a surreal and amoral cinematic 
dreamscape. ¥¥ 


After an instantaneous physical attrac- 
tion propels them into a montage of car 
nal bliss, the male and female stars of 
Twogether (C.S. Entertainment) get mar- 
ried in haste. Then they rashly decide to 
divorce. Afier celebrating their freedom 
with another session in the sack, she gets 
pregnant. He is a footloose California 
artist (Nick Cassavetes, the tall, hand- 
some son of John Cassavetes and Gena 
Rowlands) who avoids commitments. 
She is a poor little rich girl (beautiful, 
soulful Brenda Bakke). Sometimes the 
picture is too pretty for words. Twogether 
plays like an unexpectedly sober take on 
life and love, filtered through the per- 
ceptions of a California surfer. ¥¥ 


An action-oriented caper comedy, 
Gunmen (Dimension) co-stars Mario Van 
Peebles and Christopher Lambert as a 
pair of tough guys with little in common 
except their desire to find $400 million 
worth of tainted drug money. Van Pee- 
bles isa New Yorker motivated in part by 
revenge. and Lambert is am illiterate, 
bumbling smuggler who just wants his 
dead brother's share of the loot. Their 
archenemies are played with panache by 
Patrick Stewart and Denis Leary, who 
keep things lively while miles of Mexican 
seacoast get shot to hell. Because we've 
traveled this route so many times be- 
fore, Gunmen dilutes derring-do with a 
sense of déjà vu. YY 


A buddy film with a strong geriatric 
twist is Wrestling Ernest Hemingway (Warn- 
er), the wry, rueful tale of two lonely old 
men who cheer each other up during 
their dotage in a small Florida town. 
With Robert Duvall showing off his ac- 
cent as a reüred Cuban barber and 
Richard Harris as a lewd, hard-drinking 
former sea captain, you can bet the per- 
formances are first-rate. The title relates 
to Harris’ oft-repeated boast of a bar 
brawl cons ago with Hemingway. Piper 
Laurie plays an aged coquette addicted 
to movies, Shirley MacLaine is Harris’ 
landlady at the Lone Palm Apartments, 
and Sandra Bullock does a nice turn as a 
friendly young vaitress at the Swectwa- 
ter Café. Fledgling author Steve Conrad 
was 21 when he wrote the screenplay, di- 
rected by Randa Haines (Children of a 
Lesser God). Clearly, everyone concerned 
meant well—and does well. A rueful ode 
to old age. YY 


MOVIE SCORE CARD 


capsule close-ups of current films 
by bruce williamson 


The Accompanist (Reviewed 1/94) Music 


for lovers under Nazi rulc. yyy 
Blink (See review) A nearly blind eye- 
witness sees too much. yyy 


Carlito's Woy (Listed only) Pacino is 
OK, as usual, playing a reformed 
crook, but Sean Penn is smashing as 
his treacherous, sleazy lawyer. ¥¥¥ 
The Cement Gorden (See review) Kids 
remember Mama, who is buried 
downstairs. yy 
Dangerous Game (Listed only) It’s 
blonde ambition played to the hilt by 
Madonna, doing fine in a dark, drea- 
ry movie within a movie. Y 
Faraway, So Close (Scc review) Wenders 
on the world at large. Y 
Farewell My Concubine (12/93) Male 
couple in the Peking Opera deal with 
Chinese sexual history. way 
Fearless (1/94) After surviving an air 
crash, Jeff Bridges takes wing. Ya 
Flesh and Bone (1/94) Texas scams with 
Ryan, Quaid and Caan ET 
Gettysburg (12/93) You had to be 
there—and almost are, in this long 


but awesome Civil War epic. ¥W¥ 
Gunmen (See review) Another quest 
for cash spills lots of blood. vv 


Naked (1/94) Director Mike Leigh 
holds Britain's feet to the coals. ¥¥¥/2 
The Piano (12/93) Holly Hunter and 
Harvey Keitel hit the right keys in the 
most crotic movic of 1993. way 
The Remains of the Day (12/93) Acting 
seldom gets better than this. Another 


win for Merchant-lvory. way 
Savage Nights (See review) Fiction with 
an HIV-positive kicker. Wh 


The Scent of Green Papaya (See revi 
Vietnam in the good old days. 

Schindler's List (Listed only) Too long 
but harrowing Spielberg epic stars 
Liam Neeson, superb as a Nazi ty- 
coon saving Polish Jews ww 
Six Degrees of Separation (Sec review) 
New York socialites sabotaged. vy 
The Summer House (1/94) A wedding 
sidetracked by British ladies. Wh 
Three Colors: Blue (1/94) Binoche takes 
her bow in widow's weeds. vv 
Twenty Bucks (1/94) Everyone gets the 
bill in a hand-to-hand comedy. — Yvv 
Twogether (See review) The title's your 
clue that it’s amorous froth wy 
The War Room (1/94) On the campaign 
trail with Clinton and company. YYY 
What's Eating Gilbert Grape (See review) 
Depp and DiCaprio make a dysfunc- 
tional family look fine. Wr 
Wrestling Ernest Hemingway (See review) 
Old folks at large. xv 


¥¥¥¥ Don't miss 
WW Good show 


YY Worth a look 
% Forget it 


VIDEO 


USE SEIT 


sy "lm a Bonnie and 
Clyde fan" drawls 
country singer and ur- 
ban cowboy Billy Ray 
Cyrus, who has seen 
the movie—the only 
video he owns—more 
than 20 times. "I like it 
because it's real, end 
I'm into reality." The Nashville star is also 
inspired by home reruns of tearjerkers 
such as The Prince of Tides, Stealing 
Home and Brian's Song. Musician bios in- 
cluding The Buddy Holly Story and the 
fictional Eddie and the Cruisers strike a fa- 
miliar chord. "Another | like real well is 
Field of Dreams," Cyrus says, "but then, | 
always wanted to be a baseball player— 
and Tommy Lasorda is a good friend." 
Alas, the 32-year-old singing sensation 
ain't so sensational when it comes to re- 
membering movie titles. Trying to recall 
the name of a favorite recent rental— My 
Girl, with Macaulay Culkin—Cyrus went 
blank: "You know, the one where the kid 
gets stung by a bunch of bees, then dies. 
The Goodbye Girl, right?" — DONNA COE 


VIDEO SLEEPERS 
good movies that crept out of town 

Close to Eden: Highly scenic comedy set in 
Inner Mongolia, where a farmer goes to 
town to buy condoms. Surprisingly fun- 
ny, subtitles and all. 
Lovers and Other Strangers: Hilarious wed- 
ding marred by infidelity, panic and 
family dysfunction. Bonnie Bedelia’s the 
bride and Gig Young is her philandering 
dad in this 1970 all-star outing that 
marked Diane Keaton's movie debut. 
The Public Eye: Hustling New York tabloid 
photojournalist is smitten by nightclub 
owner's widow. Joe Pesci is the shutter- 
bug, Barbara Hershey is his focus. 
Reservoir Dogs: Violence in extremis with 
Tim Roth, Harvey Keitel and Michael 
Madsen among the thieves on the run 
after a misbegotten caper. 
The Rounders: Henry Fonda and Glenn 
Ford co-star in an agreeable 1964 West- 
ern tracking two veteran cowpokes as 
they gallop into middle age. 

— BRUCE WILLIAMSON 


GOLDEN GLOBE 


Haiti. Russia. Somalia. As the world gets 
smaller, it gets more complicated. Long 
before CNN's World Report, filmmakers 
weighed in on government ills and social 
injustice. From International Historic 
Films, some classic flashbacks: 

Lond Without Bread (1932) and Housing 


Problems (1935): Both are documen- 
taries—Luis Buñuel's tale of hungry 
Spanish villagers, and an exposé on Brit 
slum dwellers. Decent double bill. 

The Battle of Algiers (1966): Honored por- 
trait of the 1954-1957 Algerian revolt. 
The Italian director Gillo Pontecorvo 
achieved doculike realism in a tale of a 
conflict that eerily paralleled Vietnam. 
Two Men and a Wardrobe (1958) and The Fat 
ond the Lean (1961): Early absurdist para- 
bles, both silent, by Roman Polanski— 
one concerning the elusiveness of priva- 
cy, the other an attack on arbitrary 
authority. (The first was a student film.) 
Royal Tour of South Africa (1947): Self- 
congratulatory Brit travelogue of the 
royals’ visit to South Africa—featuring 
dancing Zulus, grand speeches (in syn- 
chronous sound) and a majestic home- 
coming. Talk about being in denial. 

Why Vietnam (1965): Speeches by McNa- 
mara, Rusk and President Johnson high- 
light this crash course on U.S. policy in 
Southeast Asia. Check out the year. If. 
they had only known. — —JAMES HARRIS 


LASER FARE 


A must-have for action fans: Voyager's 
Criterion. Collection Edition of Hong 
Kong director John Woo's The Killer. Let- 
terhoxing restores the gangster fick to 
i nal 1.85-to-1 aspect ratio, and 
the trio of discs includes audio commen- 
tary restored scenes, loads of back- 
ground material and 11 trailers for Woo 
films. . .. MGM/UA has added Lucasfilm 


ROMANCE 


COMEDY 


VIDEO VALENTINES 
OF THE MONTH 


From Playboy's For 
Couples Only collec- 
tion, a pair worthy 
of replay on Cupid's 
VCR: Love, Sex & Inti- 
macy for New Rela- 


tionships provides a 

peek into getting to 

know (and getting na- 

ked with) a brand-new love, and How to 
Reawaken Your Sexual Powers is a sexy 
how-to on jump-starting an old one. The 
perfect his-and-hers valentines. (Both pro- 
grams produced in association with—and 
also available from—the Sharper Image.) 


THX sound capability and a 53-minute 
documentary to its newest “definitive” 
edition of The Wizard of Oz. Dubbed “The 
Ultimate Oz," the package boasts a new 
Technicolor version of the 1939 classic, 
restored from the original nitrate nega- 
tive. .. . And you thought he'd left the 
building for good. BMG has released 
Elvis in Hollywood, a memorabilia-packed, 
65-minute documentary of the King's 
early days in Tinseltown. Focusing on 
those pre-Army first flicks—Jailhouse 
Rock, Love Me Tender, Loving You and King 
Creole—the disc also includes (you 
guessed it) previously unreleased home 
movies and photos. $99.98. 

— GREGORY P. FAGAN 


coll-in, then starts cross-country courtship; the ideol date 
flick), An Affair to Remember (Cary Gront-Deborch Kerr ship- 
board romance thot inspires Ryon in Sleepless; old gold). 


American Heart (ex-con Jeff Bridges und son struggle to sur- 
vive below poverty line; sod, grungy, becutifully acted), 
Wide Sargasso Sea (erotic predecessor to Jone Eyre, set in 
Jamaica; British oristocrat can't take the heat). 


Robin Hood: Men in Tights (Borscht Belt Sherwood silliness 
vio Mel Brooks; expect less, you'll enjoy more), The Meteor 
Man (Robert Townsend's Africon-Americon, big-city super- 
hero; not strictly comedy—but fun). 


Rising Sun (cops Connery and Snipes crack corporote killing 
that's tied to rough sex; Crichton's updote softens the Jopon 
boshing), Carnesaur (shlockmeister Roger Cormon's cheesy- 
but-charming Jurassic Park—with shorper teeth). 


WIRED 


LOST AND FOUND 
IN AMERICA 


The military technology that kept Desert 
Storm soldiers from getting lost in the 
sand dunes is now available to skiers, 
rs, hikers and other enthu of 
the outdoors. Called global-positioning 
systems, these extremely accurate palm- 
size gadgets receive latitude, longitude 
and altitude data from about 24 Penta- 
gon-launched satellites. They also track 
travel speed and estimate the time it will 
take you to reach your destination—in- 
formation that, when used in conjunc- 
tion with your personal maps and charts, 
will keep you on time and on course. 
Several companies, includ- 

ing Sony, 


Motorola / 


- 
e 


and Micrologic, 
offer consumer global-positioning sys 
tems priced between $600 and $1600. 
Panasonic's new KX-G5700 ($1900) es- 
pecially caught our attention, because 
it’s the first GPS to feature a liquid-crys- 
tal display for viewing maps and nautical 
charts (most competitors supply just nu- 
merical data). Panasonic tells us it plans 
to offer map-based systems as an auto- 
mobile option as early as 1996. 


NAME THAT TUNE 


Smart new media kiosks in some of the 
nation’s top record shops are making it 
easier for music lovers to spend their 
money. With just one title word from a 
sought-after song, for example, a Muze 
computer terminal will tell you the name 
of the album on which the track appears 
Muze also uses its data base of more than 
100,000 albums to search for recordings 
by artist or by musical genre. Anoth- 
er electronic shopping assistant, called 
i Station, uses personal identification 
cards that let you look for music that 
suits your tastes. When it finds some- 
thing, it plays five 30-second song hooks 
while showing album cover graphics, 
record reviews and companion music 
videos on a bui monitor. There's also 


26 a music station on the way from IBM 


that will create custom compact discs in 
six minutes. Tell it whether you want a 
complete prerecorded CD or a selection 
of individual tracks and it downloads the 
tunes (via fiber-optic cable) from a cen- 
tral music depository. Think of it as a 
vending machine of the future—one 
that could be as well-stocked as the near- 
est Tower Records. 


GET THE MESSAGE 


With tape-free operation, exceptional 
sound quality and instant random access 
to messages, digital telephonc-answer- 
ing devices will be the wave of the fu- 
ture. To underscore that, several 
manufacturers have intro- 
duced digital TADs that in- 
corporate new and impres- 
sive features. Toshiba, 
Panasonic and Phonemate 
have combined a digital 
answering machine with a 
cordless telephone. Toshi- 
ba's entry, the FT-9003BK, 
illustrated here ($250), 
stores up to 40 messages 
and has a feature called Si- 
lence Detection that shrinks 
the pauses in messages to in- 
crease recording time. Panasonic's 


n. 

the KX-T4600 
(about $300), has 
four mailboxes that can be used to sepa- 
rate time-and-date-stamped messages 
for different members of your house- 
hold. Friday is the name of a digital TAD 
by Bogen Communication with eight 
mailboxes. Dubbed "the personal office 
receptionist," the $500 machine can be 
programmed to screen calls, announce 
callers and. play music from a radio or 
CD when you put someone on hold. 


Panasonic hos unveiled a new color television called Flat Vision (pictured below), which 
features a 14-inch screen that's less than four inches deep. Although it will initially be 


available only in Japan, Flat Vision is expected to arrive Stateside sometime in 1994 
(priced ot about $2500). We're told future versions of this su- 


perslim TY will come with larger screens that can be mount- 
ed on the wall like pictures. e Also headed our way some 
time next year will be Somsung's Digital Video Disc Re- 
carder, the first home-enlerlainment component that can 
record up to 110 minutes of TV programming on a five- 
inch erasable CD-type disc. The recarding-playback qu. 
ty, Samsung claims, is comparable to that of laser discs. 
The price of the machine hasn't yet been determined. 


Where & How Io Buy on poge 145. 


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L=--=----------- --- 22. oem 


30 


By DIGBY DIEHL 


THIS MAY BE the era when mainstream 
publishing rediscovers sex. The recent 
flood of volumes embracing the subject 
includes anthologies of erotic classics, 
first-person reports from the field, ex- 
plorations of spiritual sexuality, the ever- 
popular instructional guides and a sur- 
vey of the new technology of eroti 

Most significant for contemporary 
readers, however, is the return of fiction 
in which sexual expe is not treated 
as simply an obligatory titillation. In- 
stead, our most intimate. relationships 
are explored with refreshing candor and 
humor in two new novels: The Fermata 
(Random House), by Nicholson Baker, 
id They Whisper (Henry Holt), by Robert 
Olen Butler 

Baker's previous novel, Vax—written 
in the form of phone-sex dialogue—was 
con dered shocking stuff by some crit- 
he Fermata, with its long sections of 
ateur pornography, is conside 
more explicit. It is the autobiography of 
Arnold Strine, a 35-year-old temporary 
secretary in Boston who has discovered 
the secret of stopping time. Unlike the 
rest of us, who might want to use the se- 
cret to make money or work for world 
peace, Strine uses it to freeze moments 
for his erotic entertainment 

His first experiment in stopping time 
is prompted by a desire to sce his fourth- 
grade teacher, Miss Dobzhansky, un- 
dressed. Following this thrilling success, 
his life is guided by his power to enter 
the Fold (or “hit the clutch" or "find the 
clef” or "take a personal day" or “inves- 
tigate an estoppel”) and remove clothes 
from thousands of tüng women, 
fondle them, dress them and restart 
time. At one point he straps a butterfly 
vibrator on a woman in the subway and 
watches her melt with pleasure. In an- 
other impulsive moment he puts “nipple 
nooses” on author Anne Rice while she ts 
signing a book for him. 

When he tentatively discusses the con- 
cept of "time perversion” with his girl- 
friend, Rhody, she is so repubed by the 
she leaves him. Meanwhi 
ly obsesses over var- 


he has written on the sand near her. Af- 
terward, he hides in a laundry hamper 
in the woman's bathroom to watch her 


neurotic, comically. self-ab- 
sorbed confessions will remind you of 
Woody Allen and Philip Roth at their hi- 
h the sf sexual com- 
Baker toys with serious 


edy, howeve 


John. 


SEX SEX 
SEN SEX 
EE € SEX 


Erotica makes a big comeback. 


The new erotica: 
from tantric sex 
to cybersex. 


ideas. You will undoubtedly have more 
fun with the sardonic humo and dic 
sexual high-jinks than you will with the 
philosophical inquirie 

In They Whisper, Butler, who last year 
won the Pulitzer Prize for fiction for 4 
Good Scent from a Strange Mountain, has 
written an intensely sexual, emotionally 
powerful story of a love aflair gone crazy. 
It is also a stream-of-consciousness mem- 
oir (full of run-on sentences) that con- 
nects the women in the narrator's lile 
and in his fantasies as one ceaseless flow 
of voices and memories and bodies. 

Ira Holloway is a Vietnam vet who 
meets Fiona Price on the street and falls 
passionately in love with her. They mar- 
ry. They have a vigorous, adventurous 
se: which his memories 
of earlier lovers and other women, Ira's 
phantoms ostly sweet. But Fion: 
is haunted by s of sexual abuse 
nds of her father—and by jeal- 
. She flies into uncontrollable 
rages night ght when Ira is not 
able to produce an erection on demand 
Out of his love for the won Fior 
used to be and hislove for his young son. 
Ira suffers her irrational anger 
and endures her increasingly fanatic de- 
votion to Catholicism. He survives on his 
memories and infidelity 

One of the many remarkable aspects 
of this novel is Butler's ability to re 
ate the strikingly individua 
women as they whisper to Ira. Butler has 
written movingly of Vietnam in his earli- 


er books d the me 
Ira’s life in that cou 
most unforgettable in this novel. They 
Whisper is as authentic and as heart- 
breaking a portrait of the inner life of 
a contemporary man as you are likely 
10 read this yc: 

Two new anthologics offer similar 
lecuons of “the good parts” from litera- 
ture throughout history: Erofic Literature: 
Twenty-four Centuries of Sensual Writing 
(HarperCollins). edited by Jane Mills 
and The Literary Companion to Sex (Random 
House), collected by Fiona Pit-Kethley. 
sual stimulation is provided by Erotica 
roll & Graf), by Charlotte Hill and 
iam Wallace (the raunchy version 
i old French postcards), and The Art of 
Arousol (Abbeville). with text by Dr. Ruth 
Westheimer (the classy version with a 
full-page close-up of the scrotum on 
Michelangelo's David). 

Want to know what everybody else is 
doing in private? Try Mark Baker's Sex 
lives: A Sexual Self-Portrait of America (Si- 
mon & Schuster). It provides a cross-sec- 
tion of unattributed quotes from a hun- 
dred people whose memories, opinions 
and sexual adventures are grouped into 
categories. But if you want a detailed, 
eye-opening account of the real sexual 
unde und in America, read Different 
Loving. An Exploration of the World of Sexual 
Dominance and Submission (Villard), a 
thorough and serious study by Gloria 
Brame. William Brame and Jon Jacobs. 
strong interest in the spiritual di- 
mensions of sexuality is reflected in Sa- 
cred Sexuality: Living the Vision of the Erotic 
Spirit (Tarcher), by org Feuerstein, 
nd in The Art of Sexual Ecstasy: The Poth 
of Sacred Sexuality for Western Lovers 
(Tarcher), by Margo Anand. The latter is 
an older book, which focuses on tantric 
sexual practices; Feuerstein surveys the 
links between spirituality and sexuality 
in all major religions. including a fasci- 
nating chapter on "The New Exotic 
Christia) 

Brenda Venus learned froni the old 
master of sex himself, Henry Miller, and 
she passes on the techniques to us in Se- 
crets of Seduction: How to Be the Bes! Lover 
Your Woman Ever Had (Dutton), M ve 
thinking ol a valentine for that special 
woman, you couldn't do yourself a big: 
ger favor than giving her a copy of 203 
Wer Ea e Ma Mio a armony). 
along with 203 con- 
ose, of course. 
lly, for to how sex in the 
future will be transformed by comput- 
ers, CD-ROM and virtual reality, there is 
The Joy of Cybersex: An Underground Guide to 
Electronic Erotica (Brady), by Phillip Rob- 
inson and Nancy Tamosaitis. Are you 
ly for teledildon: 


pry sequences of 


try are among the 


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MANTRACK 


a guy's guide to changing times 


IRON JOHN GETS FIXED 


The drumbeats of Iron John and his campfire boys faded 
fast, but Robert Bly has a successor in the male-bonding biz. 
Wealthy businessman A. Justin Sterling is selling a fashionably 
retro message: back to such good old family values as sexual 
inequality. Today's relationships don't work because certain 
feminists tried to "turn men from pit bulls into poodles," says 
Sterling, who has offices in Oakland, Vancouver, Toronto and 
Boston, and has watched attendance at his serninars double in 
the past ycar. For $500 per head, Sterling's programs will 
wash both genders’ brains clean of antimale propaganda, 
which includes sensitivity, sharing and domesticity. Men are 
taught to hang out in wolf packs, pump up their "masculine 
energy" and revive long-lost male-chauvinist rituals such as 
bragging. belching and babe-bashing. Like some hybrid of 
Werner Erhard and David Koresh, Sterling preaches his mes- 
sage ex cathedra: Stay away from women whenever possible 
and never, never 
confide your feel- 
ings to them be- 
cause they will 
only use them 
against you. Stick 
close to your fel- 
low Sterlingites, 
who will keep you 
in line. 

Women need 
reprogramming 
ton, says Sterling. 
In his female 
weekend work- 
shops, the women 
learn that their 
only hope for a 
good relationship 
with a man is to respect him. Treat your male like a "guest in 
the relationship,” he instructs, never nagging about such 
habits as shedding smelly socks or watching sports during sex. 


only women possess innate talent for intimacy and nurturing. 
For all their blustering, men don’t care to talk about these 
things. A Sterling-sanctioned union includes a formal com- 
mitment that the woman will be “the emotional manager.” 


NOW CLOSE YOUR EYES AND 
IMAGINE MOUNT EVEREST 


Think about a problem long enough and it 
is sure to grow on you—at least that's the 
plan behind Rick Brown's breast-en- 
hancement therapy. 

“Creative visualization can stimu- 
late breast growth,” asserts Brown, a“ 
southern California-based hypnother- 
apist. “Many women have used the sim- 
ple and effective visualization programs to 
achieve measurements they desire. The av- 
erage increase is two inches and one full 
cup size. 

To facilitate this process, Brown offers a 
set of six audiocassettes called, appropriate- 
ly, Think and Grow Breasts, for a mere $70. 
The program works best in cases of arrested 
breast development, Brown says, by trans- 
porting the patient's mind back to puberty, 
when her breasts were (or were not) develop- 
ing in the first place. 

"Researchers discovered that if, while in 
hypnosis, women recalled puberty, then the or- 
ganic conditions of puberty may be reestab- 
lished, leading to the completion of their breast 
development, Brown says with a remarkably 
straight face. 

"The magnitude and type of change varies with 
each woman. While une woman may want to in- 
crease her breast size, another woman may want |) 
only an incrcasc in firmness." ) 

What would happen if teenage boys were to get 
hold of this technology? 


PERIOD PIECE 


Research papers presented at the British Psychological So- 
ciery's annual meeting declared premenstrual syndrome a 
myth. Although a small percentage of women have genuine 
hormone imbalances, the papers argued, difficulties blamed 
on PMS are attributable to other factors and life events. 
Which proves, we guess, that Fergie’s behavior is more com- 
plicated than we thought 


AND THE WINNER IS. . . . 


What are the ten best buddy films of all time? Mantrack asked that question 
recently, naming our own choices for the top seven buddy movies and urging 
readers to nominate three more to round out the list. Susan Joe of Bayside, 
New York submitted The Odd Couple, Some Like It Hot and Thelma & Louise (yes. 
Thelma & Louise—hundreds of respondents, mostly men, named this male- 
bashing classic as one of their favorite buddy 


movies. Those of you who are outraged will 
find some solace in this month's Manirack 
“Guest Opinion" by Joe Bob Briggs). Add these 
three to our list of Butch Cassidy and the Sundance 
Kid, The Frisco Kid, Grand Illusion, Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein, Midnight Run, The Man 
Who Would Be King and Lethal Weapon, and you have PtAvnov's top ten buddy films. Susan will 
receive all ten movies on videocassette, courtesy of our friends at Critics’ Choice Video. 


33 


MERIT BADGES FOR MAN SCOUTS 


Life was easier when we were younger. We knew where we 
stood. If we were good at something—archery, bugling, row- 
ing, that sort of thing—we earned a merit badge. But for 
grown-ups. even those who consider themselves to be good 
scouts, proving a proficiency in areas that really count is not 
easy. Herewith, our modest proposal: merit 
badges for Man Scouts: 

BBQ cuisine: A true Man Scout must be 
able to start a fire, either by rubbing sticks 
or by using Match-Light briquettes. He 
must then burn all burgers, dogs and 
marshmallows and convince his guests that 
ketchup and mayo constitute a secret sauce. 

Wine tasting: The Man Scout must properly 

master such words as nutty, daring, assertive, minc- 
ing and perspicacious and apply them con- 
vincingly to a beverage. A Man Scout never 
exclaims, "That sucker really hit the spot," 
and he must be able to explain the differ- 
ence between an oenophile and an onanist. 
Urban survival: The scout must catch a 
cabdriver trying to take the long 
way, be able to discern which 
of three panhandlers deserves a 
handout, know which parts of town to 
avoid at night and be able to keep a car 
stereo from being stolen for six consecutive 
months (entire car being stolen counts the 
same as stolen stereo). 


LIP SERVICE 


“I never characterized myself as a feminist. Who needed 
feminism when your mom wrestled alligators?” 
TORNEY GENERAL JANET RENO 


“There isn't a leading man who 
there isn't a leading lady who won’ 


ll do frontal nudity and 


— PRODUCER ROBERT EVANS 


“For me as an actress, it's a very easy victory to get people's 
attention by uncrossing your legs in a movie. 1 don't have 


: ù much respect for it.” —MEG RYAN 
Jock talk: To win a jock-talk badge, Man pies 

Scouts prove their mastery of the virile art of E : 
sports conversation. In drunken scout troops gathered near 1 feel about booze and cocaine the way I feel about success, 
wide-screen televisions, they take turns evaluating pro-jocks’ about sex. Success can be as much of a trap as cocaine or alco- 
performances, citing their statistics and placing them in hol or sex.” — HARVEY REITEL 

historical perspective 

Home repair: Man Scouts engage in the mod- “You're born with a brain, you're born with a big nose, a 


ern version of a barn raising by rehabbing a 
suburban home in one day. Their provisions 
include tool belts, saws, lathes, sanders, 


small nose, you are born with whatever you are born with. But 
I know for a fact that people from Belgium are all born with 


shingles, a cement truck and 50 six-packs. — P'E dicks: EN CADE VN CAME: 
While whistling the theme song to This Old J 

House, they must rehab the home and add a “Yeah, there were a lot of Beavises and Butt-Heads in Seat- 

rec room before sunset, or run a lathe for one ue. The only difference is they weren't as clever as the guys 

hour without amputating any scout appendages. on TV. —NIRVANA'S KURT COBAIN 


MANTRACK SURVEY LINE RESULTS: FEMINISTS WIN, DAN RATHER LOSES 


‘WOULD YOU DATE A FEMINIST? 
Absolutely, said callers who took part in a recent Mantrack Phone Survey. Of those responding, 60 percent said they'd be more likely 
to date a woman who is a feminist, and 56 percent said that feminism had affected their lives in a positive way. 


WHO'S THE BEST TV NEWS ANCHOR? 

We asked the callers that question and the result was good news—for one famous retiree. According to 43 percent of those responding, 
Walter Cronkite—who went off the air 12 years ago—is still the ideal anchor. ABC's Peter Jennings came in second with 27 percent, NBC's 
‘Tom Brokaw third with 18 percent and CBS's Dan Rather last with 12 percent. But don't worry about Dan. Many of the respondents took. 
the survey before he teamed with Connie Chung, and they named Chung their overwhelming choice for first full-time woman anchor. 


‘There was bad news for Sam Donaldson of ABC, however. Callers tackled the all-important hair issue and 31 percent suggested he 
would be well advised to wear a hat on the air. ABC colleague Ted Koppel was a close second in the bad-hair derby (27 percent), with Gene 
Shalit breathing down his neck (26 percent) and Irving R. Levine—who has little hair— getting a hat recommendation from 16 percent. 

"The breakdown was even closer when we asked, "Who asks the silliest questions on the air?" The results: Barbara Walters (32 percent), 
Larry King (26 percent), Maria Shriver (23 percent) and John McLaughlin (19 percent). 


ARE YOU FAITHFUL? 

Affairs happen—or so our callers told us. Fifty-six percent admitted they'd had an affair when they were involved in a supposedly 
monogamous relationship. Usually, the culprit was lust (according to 52 percent of the callers), though only 16 percent of those who had 
affairs blamed their extracurricular activities for the breakup of their primary relationship. Forty-four percent claim they're still together 
and 40 percent said they broke up for other reasons. 


34 


MANTRACK 


Try this experiment. Say the following to any 
woman: 

"You know that movie Thelma & Louise? Kind of 
silly, wasn't it?" And then, of course, prepare to run for your life. 

When I'm feeling especially brave, | like to say, “The real 
theme of Thelma & Louise is ‘Look what happens when you let 
a woman drive.” 

Of course, I have to change cities every time I do this 

In case you haven't noticed, this is one movie women do not 
have a sense of humor about. If you hate this mo or 
if you're simply bored by it, you aren't just commenting on 
the movie. Your opinion reveals what a disgusting creep you 
probably are, and no one knew it. 
until now. Because this movie 
has become more than à mov- 
ie. It's an article of faith. Women 
in their 30s and 40s speeding 
down highways in a "bird, 
smoking, drinking, singing and 
blowing away men, remains a 
symbol of m, such as it is, 
in this country. 

Sull, when the movie came 
out, I had no idea that we were 
dealing with anything more than 
a flash in the panties. But it was 
a full-fledged cultural trend, or 
maybe the culmination of some- 
thing that had been building for 
30 years. It started on network 
TV shows, when "Dad" became a 
synonym lor “the weenie who 
sits in the back room rattling the 
papers while Mom runs the 
world." Feminists say we have all 
these male role models on televi- 
sion. What role models? Ever 
since Ward Cleaver we've been 
going downhill. When a kid says, 
“Hey, Dad, I need some advice,” 
it's a setup for a joke. 

But 1 really thought Thelma & 
Louise was as bad as it could get. 
After a whole movie of males’ be- 
ing bashed around by sensitive, courageous sisters, surely this 
was the last we'd hear of that particular cartoon image. 

El wrong-o. Along comes Fried Green Tomatoes, full of male 
demons so brutal that an honest gal's only practical choice is to 
go lesbo. Then, in quick succession, came A League of Their Own 
(feminist solidarity), Sister Act (celibate feminist solidarity) and, 
of course, Basic Instinct (lesbian women in secret societies who 
can murder men at will). Even Northern Exposure got in on the 
act. The town of Cicely, Alaska is so wonderful it could only 
have been founded by lesbians. 

But the ultimate expression of the form is the TV movie, in 
which there are no longer any male leads—unless you count 
actors playing wackos like David Koresh—and in which the on- 
ly purpose seems to be showing how many times a woman can 
get kicked in the teeth by the male she's married to, males she 
works for, burcaucracies run by males and court systems run 
by males until she bucks up, plants her feet firmly on the 
ground like Annie Oakley and belts out the disco version of / 
Will Survive. Put on your hockey masks, guys. 

But in the meanume, know thy enemy. Let's take a closer 


Joe Bob Briggs is the dean of drive-in movie critics, publisher of 
“The [oe Bob Report” and a regular fixture on the Movie Channel. 


GUEST OPINION 
BY JOE BOB BRIGGS Loi. 1 feel especially qualified to review this phe- 


THE MUTANT OFFSPRING OF THELMA AND LOUISE 


look at that male-bashing prototype, Thelma & 


nomenon, For ten years now I've been getting flak 
from feminists because of my championing of movies like Death 
Wish and Friday the 13th and 1 Spit on Your Grave, which, accord- 
ing to the feminist bible, (a) glorify male violence and (b) en- 
courage men to abuse women by portraying them as airheads 
who deserve to die every time they think about sex. 

Hmmm. You see where this is going, don't you? 

Let's take a look at the men in Thelma & Louise. 

First we have Darryl, Thelma’s husband. What a fine speci- 
men he is. He's the domineering, miserly weasel who works 
at a car dealership, stays out 
all night, controls Thelma's life, 
can't take his eyes off the football 
game when his wife calls from out. 
of town to tell him she's in trou- 
ble and has his most sensitive mo- 
ment when the cops ask him if 
he's close to Thelma. "Yeah, I 
guess. I mcan, Im about as close 
as can be toa nutcase like that." 

Thank God they didn't do a 
cardboard stereotype 

But let's move on. How about 
Jimmy, the boyfriend of Louise? 
Jimmy is the good-looking guy 
who won't commit. Jimmy has 
WON'T COMMIT written all over his 
face, his manner and his 12- 
string guitar. Every catch in his 
voice, every pause on the phone, 
says, "Don't make me commit." 
In other words, he looks like a 
great hunk of a boyfriend, but 
when you search down into the 
heart ofthe matter, he's bad news 
for a woman. Even though he 
agrees to borrow $6700 and send 
it to Louise without knowing why 
she wants it, even though he 
drives several hundred miles to 
see if he can help her out of her 
problem, even though he brings 
an engagement ring, he makes one fatal mistake. He's doing 
all these things because it's what she wants. It's not necessarily 
what he wants. It's what she wants. And so she kisses him of — 
but forever—because he's doing what she wants. (I 
not logical, but trust me.) "I wanted the ring," she 
"but not like this." 
ig from the two-dimensional to the one-dimensional, 
we have the cops. While waiting around in Darryl's living 
room for our heroines to call, one of them looks at the pictures 
in Boudoir magazine (no doubt a cuphemism for pLayBoy). Be- 
fore they finally get Thelma on the line, Darryl is coached by 
them: “Be gentle, like you miss her. Women really love that 
shit.” And they all go yuk-yuk, hardy-har-har. 

Please. 

Then there's J.D. the hitchhiker, the man who seems to be 
the answer to all of Thelma's frustrations when he introduces 
her to wild, passionate sex. (In fact, this scene is a copy of 
the standard male initiation scene used in spring break and 
summer vacation movies since the beginning of time. It even 
includes Thelma's proud display of her neck hickey.) But, of 
course, J.D., who is just like the hooker who lifts your wallet 
when you're not looking, steals the $6700 and later betrays the 
women to the cops. (concluded on page 147) 35 


36 


MEN 


Mz generations acquire a label 
that sticks. The Files. were 
named the Silent Generation for the 


cautious young people living through 
the political correctness of McCarthyism. 
The Sixties saw the flowering of the 
Woodstock Generation, an era of sex 
and drugs and Vietnam war protests, 
The Seventies were the Me Decade and 
the Eighties brought us yuppies and ba- 
by boomers from hell who believed that 
greed is good 

Today, we have Gen: 

X is the label we have pasted on the 
older youths of the Nineties. How ap- 
propriate. N is a mathematical variable, 
nota word. 

[took one of my favorite Xers to lunch 
the other day. His name is Brendan 
Patrick Baber. He was born in Iowa City, 
Towa, on March 17. 1968, and he is my 
younger son. | wanted him to talk abou 
his generation 

Iris not with total pride that | nomi- 
nate Brendan as a typical Ner. Like so 
many people in his age group, he has 
been through difficult times, including 
family breakups, and I am responsible 
for some of the chaos of his carly life. 
But whatever our history, we are still 
good friends. 

"As Xers, we have been hearing one 
basic message from the older genera- 
tions all our lives,” Brendan says, “You 
think of something.’ That's the line. "The 
system is broken, but you guys will think 
of somethin; 

“We yowll-think-of-some- 
thing treatment everywhere. The Social 
Security sys bankrupt and 
we'll never see the money we put into it 
Most of my generation works part-time 
with no health insurance and no chance 
of advancement. There is an enormous 
drop in wealth between people in their 
30s and those of us in our 20s. A lot of 
my friends have had to move back in 
with their parents, which is insulting to 
all concerned. The generation ahead of 
us, the boomers, is like a swarm of lo- 
custs, chewing up everything and leav- 
ing nothing. But what about usz We'll 
think of something. 

“So who do you blame?" I ask 

Brendan laughs. “As we see it, things 
are not ne ily going to ger beucr [or 
us, but most of us can’t find a specific 
thing or person to blame. Is like that 
scene in a movie I saw where a land 


em is goin; 


By ASA BABER 


GENERATION 
X 


agent goes to repossess a farm. The 
farmer meets bim at the door with a 
shotgun, and the agent says, "Why do 
you want to shoot me, farmer? Em just 
an employee of the bank" The farmer 
asks, "Well, then, who owns the bank? 
The agent says, ‘It’s owned by thousands 
of shareholders.’ The far 
his head for à minute and asks, ‘S 
do 1 shoot" 
“That's us,” Bre 
we shoot? Who can we blame 
this to us? What's the solution 
blame an entire genera 
"Wh 
“There is good news and bad news. 
We do some fairly self-destructive things, 
which is bad. We smoke too much and 
drink a lot of collee and work (wo or 
three jobs and refuse to take care of our- 
selves. You will not find a lot of Xers in 
health clubs. And no matter how hard 
we work, most of us feel like slackers, like 
we're screwing up somehow. But we 
don't know how. We don't ask yuppie ca- 
reer questions like, "Where will I be ten 
years from now? We ask Ner questions 
, Where will I be next week?’ 
Bur there is good news, too. We're 
doing a lot on our own, We're staking 
out the litle things in our lives w 
control. Most of u: 
ments or corporat 


iches 


Cr scr 


who 


dan says. "Who do 
Who did. 
? We can't 


n 
do you do about it 


can 
don't think govern- 
ons or gods will take 


care of us. We simply want to take car 
ol ourselves. 

"We create our own work. We thrive 
on founding small businesses. For exam- 
ple, Um editing a new arts magazine 
called The Third Word. | have friends who 
work in coffeehouses, designer shops, 
delivery services, theater troupes, com- 
puter consulting offices. We go to poetry 
slams and plays and concerts, and we are 
developing our own way of doing things. 

“There's not a lot of money in what 
we're doing, but we work hard. Is noth- 
ing earthshaking or grandiose. But we 
talk with one another while we ride out 
the poverty cycle 

“Xers try to take care of one anothe: 
We trade information about jobs. We 
know who our allies are. And we have 
one advantage over every other genera- 
tion in history: We feel at ease with tech- 
nology. We can sit at a computer and 
have our way with it. We believe in our 
ls with technology, and that thing 
might work out for us 

“We are not naive, and that is healthy 
We know sex can kill, We know that the 
idea of a lifetime job has evaporated. We 
know it’s a global economy now, and 
we're competing for work with Mexico 
and Taiwan and Singapore. And we are 
really smart about marketing and ma 
nipulauon. It is impossible to sell us 
things we dont need. We're not for God 
and country as much as we're for fr 
and neighbors. Our motto: Be good to 
the people you know. Take care of them 
and they'll take care of you 

"My generation is not radical. We are 
moderate people. But the generation 
that follows us, the kids in grade school 
and high school now, I call voiders. They 
are growing up in even more violence 
than we did, and they live in a void 
They could become truly 
seeds are there. They 
fascist, intolerant, against free speech 
searching for any kind of order they can 
find, good or bad. These are kids who 
get killed on their way to school 

“So Xers fall between the boomers and 
the voiders. We have stayed decent. But 
watch out for what's coming up next 
The voiders might be your worst night- 
mare. And you created them. They did 
not arrive from another planet.” 


radical: the 


can be bigoted, 


WOMEN 


ots of you know me as a lone, 


hard-bitten columnist, prone to 
lurking on deserted rocky promontories 
while searching for my muse. 


But did you know that I also have an- 
other life as a matchmaker? I swear 
Every day 1 go to work and become a 
yenta, trying to bring together lonely 
souls desperate for love. 

OK, it's true that half of these souls are 
orphaned dogs in a rescue kennel, which 
is somewhat different from a person you 
want to have sex with. But not that dit- 
nt. There arc still the love and com- 
factors, the boundary prob. 
lems, the weeding out of abusive or 
withholding or just generally lousy hu- 
mans who want dogs for all the wrong 
Like for target practice, or lab 


reasons. 


research. 
good at it. I can tell 
softhearted, sappy human who will let 
his dog sleep under the covers from the 
md fuckheads in approximately 
ten minutes. And now Um going to ap- 
ply the same principles to my love life. 

1 used to sit up and beg, roll over, 
fetch and play dead for any guy who 
showed the vaguest interest in me. I 
would trot right along home with him 
and try not to notice that we were eating 
Brand X kibble and that he kept trying 
10 get me to play in trallic 

But now ] have a new leash on life. 
Now 1 will withhold judg ~ L will ask 
many questions. 

These questions will be deceptively ca- 
sual and nonleading. You dont ask a 
prospective owner, “Will you let your 
dog sleep on the bed if she wants to? 
cause he'll say, “Why, of course!” just to 
k, “Where will 
ospective 
‚be in the gai 


e 


shut you up. No, you 
the dog sleep?” If the p 
"Out in the yard, or m 
if she’s lucky,” instead of, “Whereve 
wants," this is a person who has no inter- 
est in the comfort or feelings of a long- 
time companion. This person does not 
get a dog. 

1 guess the “Where will I sleep?” th 
won't work with a lover, 
ways to gauge compassion 
a mate, At some pe 
ly part of a relationship, the guy doesn't 
call when he says he will. [Us a guy r 
just as is a woman rule to say she'll be 
home when he calls and then purposely 
ist. These are courtship rituals to see 
how much we ean get away with 


By CYNTHIA HEIMEL 


HOW TO FIND THE 
PERFECT MATE 


When the guy didn't call, I used to 
pretend. nothing had happened. Such 
behavior sets the relationship back to 
square one, with everyone pretending to 
be madly casual. Other people will tear- 
fully cry, “Where the hell were you 
which is leading and demanding and 
pushes the relationship too far forward. 

Here's what lll do: Vll ask blandly, 
"How come you didn't call on Thurs- 
day?" If 1 get, “Oh, was I supposed to 
He" E won't mind. Nobody likes to ad- 
mit he's playing games. Although, now 
that the guy has been warned, if he does 
it again he doesn't get the dog. 

But if he has a hissy fit about how you 
can't tie him down and he wa 
busy and whats the big deal anyway, 1 
will run away. This guy is way too defen- 
sive, his ego is too fragile, he has too 
much fear of getting clos 

1 always ask a prospective ow 
“Have you had dogs belore?” If she an- 
swers, “Hey, yeah, lots and lots,” E keep 
up the questions. If Scruffy got hit by a 
and Fido just ran olf one day, and 
gave Rover to a friend because 
chewed up the sofa, there is no 
way in hell Pll even finish the conversa- 
tion. I want people who stick with their 
dogs through anything, people whose 
dogs live to be 15. 

Again, I can't expect a guy to keep all 


just too 


his girlfriends until they die. In fact, if 
he did Pd be mega-concerned. But hi: 
tory is important. If Madge was a rei 
bitch who took him for all he worth, 
nd Heather w total basket 
just used him and abused him, 
ona, well, she was one crazy lady—he 
wouldn't be surprised if she were a drug 
addict or worse—then TI hide under 
the house until this guy leaves. 

Because we know it takes two to tango. 
One person is never insane and the oth- 
er lovely and sweet. A man is allowed 
one harridan in his early 20s, but then 
he must admit to equal responsibilit 
There is nothing more dangerous than 
neone who thinks of himself as a vic- 
tim. Victims feel it's within their rights to 
fuck over everyone. 

Sometimes people call. hysterically, 
saying they want a dog right away be- 

«e their dog died yesterday. No dog I 
show them fits their requirements, since 
they are looking far the dog they just 
lost. Dog-bereaved people have to wait a 
few months. The relationship-bereaved 
must wait even longer: Shrinks say it 
takes half as long as the relationship last- 
ed to get over it. I will not go for a guy 
who is awash with feelings, negative or 
positive, for another wom: 

Then there are the people who des- 
perately want a dog, but they're unem- 
ployed and rent a furnished room in a 
house with no fenced yard. If they can 
hardly take care of themselves, they 
should know beuer than to think they 
can spring for dog food and vet bills. 

Likewise, plenty of guys tell you all 
over the place how desperate they are 
for a woman, and then you visit them 
and there's a mountain of unpaid bills 
on the table and penicillin growing i 
the refrigerator. I already am a mothe 

And then there are the weird ones. 
People who say all the right things, but 
somehow I get a bad feeling in the pit of 
my stomach. Or people who seem so 
lovely that when they say something like, 
“We already have two cats, but we 
wouldn't mind if they got lost,” I try to 
pretend I didn’t hear that. glaring cal- 
lousness, because I'm so desperate to get 
the dog out of a kennel and into a home. 

But then I realize the kennel's fine for 
now. Nobody should be so desperate 
that they ignore big red flags thrown 
right in their faces. 


37 


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WI; wife and 1 like our sex hot—and 
cold. We turn off the air-conditioning, 
which heats things up, then she slides ice 
cubes all over my hot body, and 1 do the 
same to her. Trouble is, the ice melts and 
makes a mess. Do you know a way to get 
iced without gewing we?—E T., Key 
West, Florida. 

We've had fun with the chemical ice packs 
athletic trainers use on sports injuries. They re 
less messy than plain ice. They also stay cold 
longer, and they can be molded around inter- 
esting parts of the body. Cel one at a phar- 
macy or sporting goods store. If Ihe food-sex 
scene in "9% Weeks" turned you on, try a 
bag of frozen raspberries. Leave them in the 
bag, or feed them to each other. As for Ihe 
messiness of ice, we like lo break out the oils, 
lotions and ice cubes the night before we 
do laundry. That way the mess gets cleaned 
up quickly, and the sight of a full hamper 
fuels the imagination with wonderfully sen- 
sual ideas. 


Afer months of discussion with my 
girlfriend, I've accepted a promotion 
that means two years of living about 250 
miles away from where we live now. She 
has a good job that she doesn’t want to 
leave. We can see each other three or 
four weekends a month and, with holi- 
days and vacation days, turn many of 
them into three- or four-day affairs. 
Friends say we're out of our minds, that 
long-distance relationships are doomed. 
We don't think so, but naturally we're 
nervous. Any tips for maintaining long- 
distance love?—W. $., Austin, Texas. 
Several. You have two major assels—a 
well-established relationship and an end date. 
Long-distance romance is never easy, but it's 
more manageable when the lovers know each 
other well and know their time apart won't last 
forever. As for suggestions, invest in improved 
telecommunications. Add an unlisted phone 
number and answering machine at her end 
and yours, Reserve it exclusively for each oth- 
er. It’s a challenge lo stay in touch over a long 
distance. In our experience, these relationships 
work best when lovers chat several times a day. 
There's no need for extended conversations. 
Brief check-ins are fine. The idea is simply to 
maintain a steady presence in cach others’ 
lives. When you get together, for the first few 
hours keep your expectations low. Whoever 
does the traveling arrives tired. Whoever do 
the waiting gets exciled. This is a setup for 
strained reunions. When a long-distance cou- 
ple we know get together, they greet each other 
with a kiss, then don't have much contact for a 
few hours while the traveler unwinds. Then 
they fuck. We also recommend establishing ri 
uals at each end. Find a restaurant, bar or 
health club in each city that can be your place, 
and go there together often. A cozy, familiar 
spot helps maintain continuity. Finally, let go 


of peripheral friends. Long-distance couples 
don't socialize much. They invest most of their 
time in each other—and the investment pays 
off in a relationship that goes the distance. 


F atend an all-male college. Sometimes 
I get an erection during a class, even 
though I'm not fantasizing about one of 
my classmates. It usually happens when 
I don't get enough sleep the night be- 
fore. Besides going to bed early, how can 
1 prevent this from happening?—Y. L., 
Honolulu, Hawaii. 

Have you tried masturbating before class? 
A healthy session should not only relieve your 
sexual tension (no more surprise erections) but 
should also relax you and help you pay closer. 
attention to your studies. 


AA friend says you should never carry 
house keys on the sarne ring as your car 
keys. Is he paranoid? It's bad enough 
having one key chain destroy the line of 
your pants.— J. R., Detroit, Michigan. 

Security experts recommend thal you carry 
in a clip, separate from your wal- 
let, If you're robbed, you can just hand it lo 
the thief and hope that will suffice. Now, in 
the era of carjackings, they apply the same 
principle to car keys. Don't put your house 
keys on your car-key ring. If you insist on on- 
ly one ring, buy one with a detachable loop 
for the car keys. Consider concealing your 
car registration and insurance papers, espe- 
cially if they contain your home address. You 
don't want to make it any easier for a thief. 
who may now have your house keys to rob 
your home. 


En previous relationships, the women 
broke up with me. This time I want to do 


ILLUSTRATION BY PATER SATO 


the breaking up, but I can't bring myself 
to cut the cord. | don't want to hurt my 
girlfriend's feelings, but the relationship 
isn't working for me anymore. I could 
act like a jerk so she breaks up with me, 
but that would be dishonest. How would 
you advise me to make a clean break?— 
D. D., Metairic, Louisiana. 

Be certain you really want to break up and 
not just change a few things. If it's changes 
you want, negotiate them. But if the relation- 
ship is over for you and you want out, break it 
off in person, clearly and firmly. Say some- 
thing like, “I'm sorry, but this relationship 
doesn't work for me, and 1 know it never will. 
Tve decided not to see you anymore.” Firmness 
and finality are important because they leave 
no room for your fidure ex to grasp at the 
possibility of repairing things. Be prepared to 
answer the question "Why?" It's enough to say 
that you no longer love her and that you 
have decided to end it. Finally, give her some 
credit for resilience. It's never easy when a 
lover says goodbye, but after your previous 
relationships, you got over the hurt. She 
will, too. 


WI, girlfriend's breasts seem to be in- 
credibly erogenous. She can have an 
orgasm just from foreplay, but it has 
w be faitly vigurvus. Can you suggest 
some techniques?—D. E., New Orleans, 
Louisiana. 

How weird do you want it? Aficionados 
will use anything that causes an unusual sen- 
sation—ice cubes, sheepskin, toothbrushes, 
hairbrushes, gardening gloves or chopsticks 
drawn across the nipple. We recently read a 
hilarious catalog of accessories in “On the 
Safe Edge,” by Trevor Jacques: “You'd be sur- 
prised how many household objects can be 
used for tit play. The most common are clothes- 
pins.” And all we ever use them for is laundry. 
Now, about that spin cycle. . 


Be noticed the increased popularity of 
passive and active safety features on 
new-model cars. Can I add an air bag 
and/or antilock brakes to my old cai 
didn't originally come so equipped?— 
B. B., Miami, Florida. 

Because of their complex sensing systems 
and the need for extensive testing on every car 
model before they can be certified, air bags 
cannot be retrofitted practically to older cars. 
But there are several aftermarket antilock- 
brake tems that can be installed on 
most cars. One of the best known systems is 
ans/rmax. (516-777-7070). Installation of 
ansırrax does nol void manufacturer war- 
ranties. Unlike conventional ABS, which 
electronically modulates brakes in nanosec- 
onds after a skidding problem is detected, 
ABSITRAX is a self-contained, all-mechanical 
system that continuously modulates and con- 
trols pressure feedback from individual wheel 


39 


PLAYBOY 


40 


cylinders. By maintaining the brake-system 
pressure in relative balance, the unit's damp- 
ening effect forestalls premature wheel lock- 
up. Cost of a system, including installation, 
runs between $400 and $600. Here's the 
good neus: Besides possibly saving your life 
in a panic stop, installing a federally ap- 
proved aftermarket ABS could save you as 
much as ten percent annually in insurance 
premiuns. 


Bitter a few beers too many, a fraternity 
brother became obsessed with this ques- 
tion: Why is gonorrhea called the clap? 
Nobody knew. Do you?—J. J., Durham, 
North Carolina. 

Clap comes from an old French word, 
elapoix meaning bubo or swelling of a lymph 
gland, especially in the groin. 


Wehen my girlfriend brings me off with 
a hand job, I swear I produce more 
come than I do when I masturbate my- 
self. Am I seeing things?—E. P, Warmin- 
ster, Pennsylvania. 

No, you're just witnessing one of the many 
wonders of extended nooky. Partner sex usual- 
ly lasts longer than the solo variety, and as 
the duration of sexual excitement increases, so 
does the volume of semen, by about 20 percent, 
according to Dr. Kenneth Purvis, author of 
"The Male Sexual Machine." 


My social life has been rather dull late- 
ly, and 1 find myself thinking about an 
ex-girlfriend. I've run into her a few 
times, once on a bike ride, which is sig- 
nificant because it used to bother me 
d she wasn't athletic. Now she is. 1 
think I've changed, too, which makes me 
wonder if things might work better the 
second time around. But I've never dat- 
ed an ex. Should 1?—V. F, Springfield, 
Massachusetts. 

We're all for improving dull love lives, but 
ask yourself this: Why are you suddenly inter- 
ested in your former girlfriend? Perhaps you 
can't get her stellar qualities out of your mind. 
Or perhaps you're just lonely and her card 
popped up while you were twirling your 
Rolodex. If it’s the latter, we urge caution. 
Dating an ex is the easy way out. It means you 
don't have to take the emotional risks involved 
in meeting someone new. In our experience, 
dating ex-lovers means dispensing with most 
of the preliminaries and getting to the good 
parts faster, But you get to the bad parts faster, 
too. After a few pleasant bike rides, is she like- 
ly to be your new true love or the same old 
flame whose embers went cold? Think about it 
before you call her 


MA fier a heavenly interlude of oral sex 
that involved my girlfriend taking my 
balls into her mouth, she came up for air 
saying that one of my nuts seemed small- 
er than the other. I felt around, and I 
think she's right. Is this a problem?— 
V. N., Niles, Illinois. 

Nope, its normal. [n most men, the left tes- 
licle isa little smaller than the right one, and 


it hangs a little lower. Scientists speculate that 
nature arranged things this way to keep the 
family jewels from pressing painfully against 
each other during daily activities. 


V want to buy my girlfriend a nice fra- 
grance for her birthday, but I'm con- 
fused about the terminology. What is the 
difference between eau de toileite and 
cologne?—T. G., Annapolis, Maryland 

Perfume is the strongest, or most concen- 
trated, form of scent, followed by eau de par- 
fum and eau de toilette, also called toilet wa- 
ter. Cologne is usually the lightest form of 
fragrance. But concentration varies among 
brands, so ask before you buy. 


What are those plastic things that hold 
the shape of a baseball cap when it’s 
washed, and where can I get one?— 
B. K., Chicago, Illinois. 

You're describing the Ball-Cap Buddy, a 
plastic device you put a baseball hat into to 
hold its shape during washing in either the 
dishwasher or washing machine. The item is 
available from Wild Injun Products, Laguna 
Niguel. California 92677, or for $5 at Ven- 
ture stores nationwide, The way guys treat 
baseball caps, we fully expect to see someone 
wearing the Ball-Cap Buddy backward as a 
protective measure during head banging. 


V recently discovered something during 
sex with my wife. She was lying on her 
back with her legs slightly apart while I 
gently touched her vulva. Then I spread 
her labia with my fingers. She moaned 
and spread her legs wider. I let the 
labia dose, then parted them again. 
She moaned even more. I continued to 
spread her labia, doing nothing else, and 
she went wild. I did have to touch her 
clitoris for her to come, but not much. 
Just gently touching was what really did 
it for her. What gives?—B. S., Fort My- 
ers, Florida. 

There are many nerve endings in and 
around the labia that enable a woman to reach 
orgasm by gentle touching. Spreading the 
labia provides indirect clitoral stimulation, as 
well as stimulating the nerves of the labia. 
Your actions also direct her attention to the 
area. Work your wife up to her orgasm slou- 
ly by lightly running your hand over her 
thighs and pubic arca first. In the words of 
Monty Python, don’t stampede the clitoris. 
Just being in the area is very pleasurable, and 
‘she'll thank you later: 


Whavs this I've been reading about 
penises getting fractured during inter- 
course? Fucking can't be hazardous, can 
—A. A., Londontowne, Maryland. 

No, sex needn't be hazardous, but accidents 
happen, which is why safe sex means more 
than just using condoms. The erect penis be- 
comes quite firm, bul only Superman’s is made 
of steel. Bend an erection too far, and it can 
fracture, but not the way bones break. The typ- 
ical penile fracture involves a tear in the lay- 
er of fibrous tissue that surrounds the organ's 


spongy erectile tissues. The result is what some 
urologists call bent-nail syndrome. Penile 
fractures usually occur during sex when the 
woman is on top. The man slips out, and 
the woman drops down on him to recouple, but 
his penis misses her vagina and gets bent a lit- 
ile too far. Be careful in this position and you 
won't have to worry. But if exuberance gets 
the belter of your protuberance and you feel 
sharp pain there, see a urologist without de- 
lay. Penile fractures may require surgery. 
Not too long after treatment, most fractured 
penises work fine again. 


Hn the morning 1 like to wake my 
boyfriend with a blow job. My problem is 
that a night's sleep coats his penis with a 
salty sweat. Would it be in bad taste (sor- 
ry) to crawl into bed with a warm, wet 
washdoth and wipe his penis and balls 
before taking him into my mouth?—P J., 
Atlanta, Georgia. 

We don't know anyone who would object to 
being awakened by something warm and soft 
on his penis before fellatio. Just make sure it's 
not a cold washcloth. And don't even think 
about breaking out the Dustbuster. 


IM, husband has become very curious 
about the men I slept with prior to our 
marriage. I have never been comfortable 
discussing them because he knows there 
were quite a few. But during a recent 
lovemaking session he kept asking me 
the same nagging questions. I told him a 
detailed story about a past lover and me. 
The result was the most exciting sex that 
we've ever had. Now once a weck I recall 
a past experience and we do it all over 
again. Will these recollections backfire 
on me ata later date?—N. A., Pittsburgh, 
Pennsylvania. 

We doubt it. We're not sure what's going 
on, but aural sex is a growth industry in 
America. Talking dirty fuels phone sex, com- 
puter sex, books on tape sex, confessional sex 
(if you're Catholic; sex therapy if you're secu- 
lar) and now this. You don't have to describe 
your past lovers to turn on your husband. 
You'll probably get the same result if you de- 
scribe your own fantasies or even by pretend- 
ing to be Sishel or Ebert recounting the plots 
of favorite porn flicks. Why is this so excit- 
ing? To paraphrase Sherlock Holmes, sex is 
not what happens, it’s what you notice. By 
recounting a story you tell your lover what 
was memorable, what you liked to do, what 
you liked done to you. It turns your body in- 
to a library of lusty stories. 


All reasonable questions—from fashion, 
food and drink, stereo and sports cars to dat- 
ing problems, taste and etiquette— will be 
personally answered if the writer includes a 
stamped, self-addressed envelope. Send all 
letters to The Playboy Advisor, PLAYBOY, 680 
North Lake Shore Drive, Chicago, Illinois 
60611. The most provocative, pertinent 
queries will be presented on these pages 


each month. 


TH E P L A Y B O Y 


FORUM 


IN YOUR FACE. 


a double take on sexual harassment + 


By MICHAEL KIEFER 


‘Two years ago Sanford Braver, a 
psychology professor at Arizona State 
University, realized that the scholarly 
articles on sexual harassment he'd 
been reading didn't seem scientific or 
enlightening. 

The articles Braver read claimed 
that anywhere from 20 percent to 100 
percent of working women had been 
sexually harassed on the job. The 
broad range inspired him to find out. 
more about the issues involved. 

First, Braver found that "most of 
the studies don't define sexual ha- 
rassment. They just ask if you have 
ever been sexually harassed on the 
job.” Some studies considered it sexu- 
al harassment to tell dirty jokes in the 
workplace. 

Second, the articles tended to theo- 
rize that this epidemic of 
workplace chauvinism is 
seldom challenged in 
Court because "the griev- 
ance system is male- 
dominated" or because 
filing the attendant 
paperwork is a “male 
activity" 

Braver was not willing 
to accept such unscien- 
tific speculation. In- 
stead, he hypothesized 
that the confusion came 
out of the “hostile work- 
place" definition of ha- 
rassment. The problem 


mace masking a silent prayer for 
spontaneous human combustion, 
namely his? 

Braver and graduate student Vir- 
gil Sheets theorized that different 
women would perceive a come-on 
differently. 

"Sometimes sexual come-ons are 
welcome and desirable," Braver pos- 
its. But how to tell? The two re- 
searchers wanted to know how much 
the decision to accept or reject a 
proposition would be infuenced by 
the man's appearance, marital status 
and vocation—even though women 
have claimed for decades that they 
have evolved beyond being influ- 
enced by such things. 

To construct a test, Braver and 
Sheets bought a singles magazine 


tant. Sometimes he was married, 
sometimes single, sometimes hand- 
some and sometimes unattractive. 

Braver and Sheets presented the 
scenario and the photos of Alaska's 
finest to 215 female students, ranging 
in age from 18 to 40. As might be 
expected of a university population, 
most of the respondents were in their 
20s and single. The researchers justi- 
fy their sample age with a bit of sex- 
ist logic: Young, lower-level female 
workers would morc often be targets 
for office Lotharios than middle-aged 
female corporate executives with 
firing power. 

Then the women were asked ques- 
tions such as "Assuming you were 
free, how likely is it that you would 
meet John for drinks?" to determine 
just how harassing each 
of these individuals 
would be. 

“I've been told that if 
you feel you've been ha- 
rassed, then you've been 
harassed,” Braver says. 
With this in mind, he 
and Sheets had expect- 
ed that propositions 
from bosses would be 
most threatening. They 
were not. 

“If someone has high 
status in an organiza- 
tion, they have higher 
desirability,” Braver ex- 


seemed to be thatno one 
had a clue as to what was and was not 
offensive to the opposite sex. Braver 
wondered, Exactly what are the rules 
of attraction in the workplace? 
Certainly, he acceded, demanding 
sexual favors in return for employ- 
ment or advancement is beyond the 
bounds of decency. Just as certainly, 
some women can sling the innuendo 
as glibly as the slimiest traveling sales- 
man. Braver was curious about those 
gray areas in which acceptable joking 
or fraternizing among colleagues 
turns into unwanted courting. What 
isin the man's mind when he suggests 
that drink after work? And how often 
is the woman in the same frame of 
mind? Does that Mona Lisa smile in- 
dicate that she appreciates the double 
entendre, or is it a tight-lipped gri- 


called Alaska Men, which essentially 
consists of pictures of lonely men in 
the frigid north, and asked female 
university students to rate the photos 
according to desirability. Ultimately, 
Braver and Shects uscd photos of 
three handsome guys and three 
dorks. They then created a scenario 
that went something like this: 

You have a great part-time job at a 
law firm. John, who has asked you 
out a number of times, corners you in 
the company library, tells you he finds 
you attractive and asks if you'll meet 
him in a bar after work for drinks. 
Would you feel John was harassing 
you or acting in a socially acceptable 
manner? In the survey, John was 
sometimes a lawyer, sometimes a 
courier, sometimes a research assis- 


plains. If a male boss 
asks a woman out, he’s more likely to 
be deemed a good catch than an in- 
sensitive sexist. 

Although job tile did not seem to 
strongly affect the survey results, ap- 
pearance did. Fifty-seven percent of 
the women found the unattractive 
married man to be somewhat harass- 
ing and 24 percent found him very 
harassing, while only 1l percent 
found the attractive married man to 
be very harassing. 

‘The greater sin, therefore, was be- 
ing ugly: Attractive married men who 
hit on young women were considered 
less offensive than ugly single men 
who asked for dates. 

So much for the high ground that 
some women claim—they're as ap- 
pearance-conscious as the rest of us. 


41 


42 


R E 


A 


E R 


CRIME TOLL 

I'm happy to see The Playboy 
Forum taking on issues such as 
gun control, mandatory sen- 
tencing and the war on drugs. 
With the ever-rising rate of vio- 
lent crime in America, some of 
our city streeis are more dan- 
gerous than those in Bcirut and 
Sarajevo. The methods used to 
combat crime over the past two 
decades have failed. Billions of 
tax dollars and human misery 
are the costs. We need a new 
agenda now more than ever. 
and the strategies proposed by 
my organization, the National 
Council on Crime and Delin- 
quency, can assist greatly to that. 
end. The NCCD is a private 
agency devoted to criminal jus- 
tice and correctional research, 
reform and advocacy. We were 
asked to provide input to the 
Clinton administration, we 
have good rapport with Attor 
ney General Janet Reno and 
one of our former board mem- 
bers, Lee Brown, is the first 
law-enforcement professional 
named as the nation's drug 
czar. We have hard answers and 
a commonsense plan that will 
reduce crime and violence in 
the U.S. and save tax dollars. 
Our goal is to turn around the 
country's thinking—to demon- 
strate, for example, that drug 
treatment makes more sense at 
less cost than locking up for six 
or seven years a kid nailed with 
a small bag of marijuana. Or 
that there is merit in establish- 
ing boot camps for first-time of- 
fenders to give them a second 
chance at becoming productive citi- 
zens. We must get our message to those 
who can help us change the way we at- 
tack crime: We need the support and 
financial contributions of any and all 
Americans interested in furthering 
these objectives. For more information 
on our organization or to make a tax- 
deductible contribution, contact: Na- 
tional Council on Crime and Deli 
quency, 685 Market Street, Suite 620, 
San Francisco, California 94105, 415- 
896-6223. 


Barry K 

President 

National Council on Crime 
and Delinquency 


STR 


FOR THE RECORD 


; IHE SEN POLICE... 


AA 


“From Catharine MacKinnon to the protest- 
ers against the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue to 
more mainstream theorists of sexual harass- 
ment, feminists are on the front lines of sexual 
regulation. Much of today's feminism in its most 
popular forms provides yet another source of 
repression, in the Freudian sense; feminism in- 
creasingly sides with ‘civilization,’ not its wild, 
edgy ‘discontents.’ Which is to say that femi- 
nism has come more and more to represent 
sexual thoughts and images censored, behavior 
checked, fantasy regulated. In my late-adoles- 
cent idiom, feminism was not about rebellion, 
was not about setting loose, as it 


—KATIE ROIPHE IN The Morning After: Sex, 


Fear and Feminism on Campus 


Last summer, Congress finally held 
hearings on mandatory minimum sen- 
tences, supposedly to determine if they 
are necessary. Unfortunately, the hear- 
ings were a farce because the members 
of the House Subcommittee on Crime 
and Criminal Justice who held the 
hearings had their minds made up be- 
fore they arrived. It was a no-brainer 
for them: “TV cameras will be there, so 
we had better say things that will make 
us look tough on drugs.” The chair- 
man of the subcommittee, Represen- 
tative Charles Schumer (D-N.Y.), 
claimed that it isn’t a big problem be- 
cause only 3189 nonviolent first-time 
offenders were sentenced to mandato- 


ry minimum sentences in 1992. 
Excuse me, but if that’s a typical 
year, then we've locked up 
nearly 20,000 nonviolent first- 
time offenders in the six years 
that we've had these laws. That 
translates into more than $400 
million, at taxpayers’ expense, 
not to mention the toll it takes 
on the individuals and their 
families. Doesn't that bother 
anybody? The lesson from the 
hearings is that members of 
Congress are still stuck in the 
tougher-than-thou spiral that 
created the laws in the first 
place. Attorney General Janet 
Reno may be the only hope for 
a brighter future for thousands 
of inmates already serving 
mandatory minimum sentences 
and the thousands more who 
will go into the system until the 
laws are changed. Reno man- 
aged to keep new mandatory 
minimums out of the Dem- 
ocrats' crime bill, and she per- 
suaded them not to 
death penalty prov 
drug kingpins. Let's elect poli- 
ticians who have Reno's guts 
and common sense. 
Julie Stewart 
Families Against 
Mandatory Minimums 
Washington, D.C. 


WEIGHT LOSS 
I am writing with reference 
o "Paper Weights" from 
Richard White of California 
about LSD sentencing in the 
federal justice system (“Reader 
Response,” The Playboy Forum, 
September). White was not jok- 
ing when he said, "Drug offenders get 
no mercy.” I know because I am serv- 
ing a 97-month sentence for possession 
and ribution of LSD. Currently, 
acidheads (as we are called here in 
prison) are waiting to see if an amend- 
ment to existing law will become effec- 
tive. That amendment would drop 
weighing the carrier medium (blotter 
paper, sugar cube, etc.) and set an av- 
erage dose weight of 0.4 milligrams. 
The justice system is in no hurry to do 
away with harsh sentencing guidelines. 
But if Congress does not act against us, 
we can all get a break. 
Andrew J. Marini 
Carville, Louisiana 


GE 


R E S 


P © 


N S E 


MERCK WORK 

1 vould like to praise The Playboy Fo- 
rum for printing the excerpt from Peter 
McWilliams’ book, Aint Nobody's Busi- 
ness If You Do (PLAYBOY, September), 
and for your commentaries on the 
long-ago-lost drug war. To point out 
the hypocrisy of our government's ap- 
proach to marijuana, here's a summary 
from The Merck Manual of Diagnosis and 
Therapy: Heavy marijuana use pro- 
duces some psychic dependency but no 
physical dependency. Marijuana used 
in the U.S. has a higher THC content 
than in the past. The emerging litera- 
ture may answer questions as to toxici- 
ty, but the politics of marijuana use will 
remain controversial. As Thomas Jef- 
ferson stated so eloquendy: "A society 
that will trade a little liberty for a little 
order will deserve neither and lose 
both." We have had enough. Stop the 
madness. 


Rick L. Meredith 
"Tampa, Florida 


SIN TAX 
The Playboy Forum "Newsfront" (Scp- 
tember) mentioned a proposed Ore- 
gon sin tax on sales and rentals of 
Xrated videotapes. The tax money 
would be earmarked for counseling 
programs for victims of rape and sex 
al abuse. You editorialized that this 
“yet another attempt to tie sexually ex- 
plicit material to violence—with no s 
entific proof of a connection." I, too, 
oppose making such a connection, but 
in this case l'd be willing to make an 
exception. | do not oppose taxing 
rentals of any kind of videos, be they 
Bob Vila Does Kitchens or Debbie Does Du- 
rango. In the greater scheme of things, 
1 feel that Oregon's proposal is a sinless 
way to spend that moncy. 
Andrew Bourne 
Portland, Maine 
There is a simple First Amendment issue. 
here: Oregon wants to turn à personal, per- 
fectly legal choice into a moral and financial 
penalty. If it taxed all tapes, regardless of 
content, the First Amendment issue recedes, 
but only slighily. Why tax Bob Vila's home- 
renovation tapes and not the wood sold at a 
lumberyard? 


PENN STATE NORML 
Late last year, the Penn State admin- 
istration notified Penn State NORML 
that marijuana disciplinary policies 
would be reformed on campus. For two 
and a half years Penn State NORML 


fought for a marijuana policy that 
would be consistent for all students 
who are arrested with small quantities 
of marijuana, that would be on a par 
with the university's sanctions for un- 
derage-drinking violations and that 
would distinguish marijuana from 
hard drugs. After extensive. negotia- 
tions, Penn State NORML was granted 
all three requests. The victory indicates 
that, in the middle of the war on drugs, 
university students are fighting back 
for more equitable drug guidelines. In 
1992 the student body of the Universi- 
ty of Massachusetts voted to legalize 
the use of marijuana, as did the stu- 


p------------ CUT ALONG DOTTED LINE ============ 


EM S 


ES 
mn, 
pa 


All sexual contact and conduct on 
the Antioch College campus and/or 
occurring with an Antioch commu- 
nity member must be consensual. 

(1) For the purpose of the policy, 
“consent” shall be defined as fol- 
lows: The act of willingly and ver- 
bally agreeing to engage in specific 
sexual contact or conduct. 

(2) If sexual contact and/or con- 
duct is not mutually and simultane- 
ously initiated, then the person who 
initiates sexual contact/conduct is 
responsible for getting verbal con- 
sent of the other individual(s) 
involved. 

(3) Obtaining consent is an ongo- 
ing process in amy sexual interac- 
tion. Verbal consent should be ob- 
tained with each new level of 
physical and/or sexual contact/con- 
duct in any given interaction, re- 
gardless of who initiates it. Asking 
"Do you want to have sex with me?" 
is not enough. The request for con- 
sent must be specific to each act. 

(4) The person with whom sexual 
contac/conduct is initiated is re- 
sponsible to express verbally and/or 
physically her/his willingness or lack 
of willingness when reasonably 
possible. 


(5) If someone has initially con- 


p-------------------3NUdauiod 9NOWA1n2----2-2------------- 


“== CUT ALONG DOTTED LINE ------------ 


dents at the University of Michigan. If 
the current trends are any indication, 
soon the citizenry at large will succeed 
in pushing back the intrusiveness of 
our governments antiquated drug 
policies. Government. working for us, 
not against us? Yeah. 

Gene Hampton 

Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania 


We want to hear your point af view. Send 
questions, information, opinions and quirky 
stuff to: The Playboy Forum Reader Re- 
sponse, PLAYBOY, 680 North Lake Shore 
Drive, Chicago. Illinois 60611. Fax num- 
ber: 312-951-2939. 


sented but then stops consenting 
during sexual interaction. she/he 
should communicate withdrawal 
verbally and/or through physical re- 
sistance. The other individual(s) 
must stop immediately. 

(6) Te knowingly take advantage 


of someone who is under the 
influence of alcohol, drugs and/or 
prescribed medication is not ac- 
ceptable behavior in the Antioch 
community. 

(7) If someone verbally agrees to 
engage in specific contact or con- 
duct, but it is not of her/his free will 
due to any circumstances stated (a) 
through (d) below, then the person 
initiating shall be considered in vio- 
lation of this policy: 

(a) the person submitting is under 
the influence of alcohol or other 
substances supplied to her/him by 
the person initiating; 

(b) the person submitting is inca- 
pacitated by alcohol, drugs and/or 
prescribed medicatioi 

(c) the person submitting is asleep 
or unconscious; 

(d) the person initiating has 
forced, threatened, coerced or in- 
timidated the other individual(s) 
into engaging in sexual contact 
and/or sexual conduct. 


e == == CUT ALONG DOTTED LINE = 


43 


44 


FORU MN 


THE Surcu QDVEN 


E 


a new perspective on drugs and aids 


We first heard the descriptive 
phrase of our title in a profile of nov- 
elist Richard Price. Price was dis- 
cussing his book about drug dealers 
in the South Bronx. Writer Ron 
Rosenbaum captured the moment: 
"Crack, needle drugs, AIDS and 
crime are killing off so many victims 
in the ghettos, both predator and 
prey, that the plagues are beginning 
to burn themselves out for lack of 
new souls and bodies to consume. 
"You know what the cops call that?" 
Price asks. “The self-cleaning oven." 

The phrase took on substance 
when we read Peter Gould's new 
book, The Slow Plague: A Gecgraphy 
of the AIDS Pandemic. We have come 
to view AIDS as either a person- 
al threat—a specter hovering over 
every act of sex—or as a scientific 
challenge. a sinister particle cap- 
tured under an electron microscope. 


Gould simply created maps of the 
epidemic. 

One set of Could's maps is telling. 
He charts the neglect of the Bronx, 
which began long before HIV made 
its appearance. The south-central 
section of the Bronx—home to the 
poor and the addicted—was allowed 
to burn. (The city cut the number of 
fire stations, and landlords let fires 
"clean" their properties.) The sur- 
vivors moved to adjacent blocks 
“When stable backcloths of human 
relations in families, neighborhoods 
and communities fall apart,” Gould 
writes, “then new transient and 
deadly connections reweave the fab- 
ric of daily life. They are the relations 
of shared needles and unprotected 
‘sex for a penny’ forming the struc- 
tures for HIV to exist and spread. If 
you burn out whole areas. displacing 
people without hope, you shotgun 


HIV all over the city.” 

Almost a year ago, The New York 
Times ran a similar map of AIDS cas- 
es in New York City. A study showed 
that the virus had devastated a hand- 
ful of neighborhoods. Comparable 
maps exist for San Francisco and Los 
Angeles. The story is the same: A few 
zip codes suffer, but most of the na- 
tion goes unscathed. Some experts 
think that concentrating prevention 
efforts in the 25 to 30 besieged zip 
codes would stop the epidemic. For- 
get finding a cure or a treatment, just 
hand out clean needles and condoms 
to those most at risk. 

Dr. James Curran at the Centers 
for Disease Control suggests why this 
hasn't been done: "We don't yet have 
the political will." 

No, we don't. The nation is content. 
to let the self-cleaning ovens cure 
America's ills. 


Drug-related deaths in the South 
Bronx betore (top) and after (bot- 
tom) the burnouL The darker 
tones indicate higher death rates. 


The rise in AIDS deaths in the south-central Bronx. The sirnilarity of patterns in 
these maps compared with the map of drug-related deaths after the burnout high- 
lights how AIDS followed the use of IV drugs. The burnout occurred between 
1978 and 1982, and by 1984 the core already bears witness to the drug migration, 


Cumulative AIDS Cases 
1-5 EE 

>5-36 E 

> 36-267 (7 

> 267-2,000 E] 

> 2,000 [E] 


1986 


45 


CI E 


GOOD WILL TOWARD MEN 


elen Fisher is an anthropologist and author of 
Anatomy of Love: The Natural History of Monogamy, 
Adultery and Divorce. 


co What do you think about this constant harangue 
over the issue of patriarchy? 

The question of patriarchy has gouen out of hand. Nao- 
mi Wolf came out with that ridiculous book, The Beauty Myth, 
in which she basically blames men and the entire advert 
ing industry for the fact that women have to remain beauti- 
ful and thin all their lives. But for millions of years, men 
have been attracted to women who look youthful. That was 
an evolutionary adaptive response on men’s part, because 
clear eyes, white teeth, smooth skin and a youthful appear- 
ance indicated that the woman was more likely to have 
fresher eggs and more likely to bear viable young. As a re- 
sult, men have always been attracted to women who look 
healthy and young. If the New York City advertising, cos- 
metic and clothing industries fell into the Hudson River to- 
morrow, women would re-create them, because the human 
female instinctively seeks to look youthful, healthy and at- 
tractive. That has nothing to 
do with patriarchy. 

Would it be good for women to 
acknowledge that their appear- 
ance is a useful resource? 

Yes, I think women should 
recognize the incredible pow- 
er of their sexuality. In fact, 
this is one of the problems 
with sexual harassment. I 
feel sorry for men. Women 
say, for example, “I have the 
right to wear anything I 
want to the office." 

But they do have that right. 

They do have the right, 
there's no question about it. 
But in the mating game they 
should know that there are consequences to wearing a 
blouse scooped down to your nipples and a skirt up to your 
fanny. Men respond to this. They respond naturally. We 
have men absolutely terrified in the office. They don't know 
how to behave anymore. And they don't know how to be- 
have because the sexes see sexual harassment so different- 
ly. Both men and women need to be educated about what 
the other considers sexual harassment. We have to show 
women how not to smile. How not to touch. You can't casu- 
ally graze a man on the elbow and ask him what he thinks of 
the memo you wrote. You can't touch him like that. You 
can't walk in and start sucking on the tip of your pencil. Ac- 
tually, you can. Our society certainly permits women to do 
that. But as an anthropologist I know there's something 
much more primitive going on—it's called the human mat- 
ing game. In fact, we probably weren't meant to work to- 
gether at all. Women were designed to gather and men 
were designed to hunt. We were probably primarily de- 
signed to pick each other up and to flirt with each other. So 
men respond to all kinds of subtle cues that women give 


off—with their makeup, their cosmetic smells, the way their 
dresses swish, their high-heeled shoes. Then women won- 
der why men aren't respecting the rules. Basically, the rules 
have not been defined. Neither men nor women under- 
stand whar's going on. 

It’s not going to go away. And if we don't define the rules, 
we're going to continue to misunderstand each other. 


athy Young is a free-lance writer and a co- 
founder of the Women's Freedom Network. 


Is there a belief that women should exercise power over 
coo men’s lives because women are better or are more 
moral than men? 

I think that is the case for some feminists. It amazes me, 
for instance, that a major female newspaper columnist, An- 
na Quindlen, has repeatedly expressed her view that 
women are morally superior to men. She gets a Pulitzer 
Prize. She is a hot item. Now just imagine a male columnist 
explicitly writing his belief that men are superior to wom- 
en and should therefore be 
in command. He certainly 
wouldn't be writing a col- 
umn for The New York Times, 
much less getting a Pulitzer. 

In what ways does she say that 
women are superior to men? 

During the 1992 election 
campaign she said, “If we re- 
ally believe . . . that there's 
not a male politidan in 
America who hasnt slept 
around, I have a solution for 
the future. Look for a 
woman." Then she said, "If 
we really believe . .. that our 
political leaders don't have a 
clue about real life, look for a 
woman." And she said, “I've rarely meta woman who didn't 
know more about the supermarket, the bus stop and the 
prevailing winds than her male counterparts. Not to men- 
tion child care, human rights, abortion, the minimum wage 
and sexual harassment." 

What is the best refutation of that line of thinking? 

It's amazing how this is really a return to the Victorian 
view of women, that women don't sleep around. even 
though a lot of surveys now suggest that female rates of 
adultery are almost as high as the rates for men. But Anna 
Quindlen tells us that women don't sleep around. 

Carol Gilligan's book, /n a Different Voice, sums up the ar- 
gument that there are distinctly male and female ways of 
making moral judgments. Women make moral judgments 
based on caring for other people, caring for their needs, 
caring for intimacy and relationships. Men's moral judg- 
ments are based on abstract notions of people's rights as op- 
posed to their needs. 

That's just spin control, isn't it? Couldn't we put a positive spin 
on what she says about the way men make moral judgments? 


INTERVIEWS WITH FEMINISTS ON 
THE WAR BETWEEN THE SEXES, BY JACK KAMMER 


Certainly: Men have principles and women are so eager 
to please others that it's the only thing they care about. This 
is something feminists used to complain about—that 
women were socialized to please other people rather than to 
think of their own integrity and their own personal goals. 
The only problem, which is highly ironic, is that the femi- 
nine traits that Carol Gilligan puts a positive spin on were 
also viewed positively by the Victorians. They were seen as 
feminine virtues. And it was carly feminists who defined 
these things as flaws, not male chauvinists, as the new femi- 
nists, the followers of Carol Gilligan, are claiming. 


ikki Klieman is a trial lawyer who specializes in 
defending against sex-crime allegations. Time 
magazine named her one of the nation's top five 
female trial lawyers. 
PATI 
What do you see happening in the criminal justice sys- 
tem with allegations of rape? 

1 look at what's happening on college campuses in the 
sexual-assault arena today, 
and I'm very frightened for 
young men. In the Nineties, 
a young man can be involved 
with a young woman in the 
slightest ambiguous act, and 
if she thinks about it the next 
day, two weeks later, five 
weeks later, whenever, and 
decides to say it was against 
her will, then that young 
man is in big trouble—a 
suspension, perhaps an ex- 
pulsion and perhaps a crim- 
inal record. It has become 
outrageous. 

What is the motivation of the 
people who wish to scrutinize 
every ambiguous sexual encounter for criminal conduct? 

I'm what I would call an old feminist. 1 think the new 
feminists have some important issues, but when I was a 
young woman in the Sixties, when I started in the feminist 
movement, the idea was to “own” your personal identity as 
a woman. I do not think young women involved in new 
feminism own their personal identity. They're owning the 
collective identity, and they see themselves as victims of 
men. Instead of being empowered, what they say is, "As a 
woman, I should be able to go anywhere, do anything, at 
any time and place I want, and no one should bother me.” 
Well, that's a rather naive way of looking at the world. Life 
is not so simple. Women ought to be responsible for them- 
selves. Young women are saying that they have no responsi- 
bility and that men must have all responsibility, that in any 
situation the man must take 100 percent responsibility not 
to do something that would offend them. 

My thought is that men and women must each take 100 
percent responsibility, and both must control their own sit- 
uations in a potential sexual encounter. 


arbara Dority is co-founder and co-chair of the 
Northwest Feminist Anticensorship Task Force. 


How much of a feminist are you? 

1 am totally and completely a feminist. 1 
worked for the passage of the ERA for more than 
four years. But recently it's been a real temptation to stop 
using the word to describe myself, because meanings have 
been attached to it by people with whom I do not agree. 
The dictionary says a feminist is a person who advocates or 
demands for women the same rights granted to men. I add 
"responsibilities" to those rights because this is a problem 
many women are having today in the so-called feminist 
movement. They want the same rights, but they don't want 
the same responsibilities. 

Why do you disagree with the idea that men rule the world? 

Because women have equal, if not somewhat greater, 
types of power than men do; it's simply in different areas 
that women are very powerful. In our society, rigid gender 
roles still dictate to mothers that they be the primary parent. 
Raising babies is a powerful role. I'm not saying that we 
don't still have work to do on 
basic fairness and equality is- 
sues, but it's a mistake to 
make the blanket statement 
that the entire world is a pa- 
triarchy and that women 
have no power. An immense 
kingdom was granted to 
woman in the form of ab- 
solute control over the body 
and soul of her child. 

How have you seen that pow- 
er misused? 

The system encourages 
women who are going 
through divorce to be vin- 
dictive. The basic assump- 
tion of the family court is 
that the man is a jerk. He's deserting his wife—never mind 
if she left him; that doesn’t make any 
trying to walk away from his responsibilities, including his 
children. That's the way he's treated. It's a sad situation. 

Some feminists and conservatives share the idea that men 
are jerks. 

Yes. And the courts will go after a man for child support 
and throw him in jail if necessary, but they will not enforce 
his visitation rights with his own children. We must reform 
the law and give it teeth. Sometimes fathers just fall apart. 
Sometimes, in despair and hopelessness, they leave the 
state, or even leave the country. All fathers who leave are not 
deadbeat dads. I ask women, “How would you feel if well 
over half your salary were forcibly taken from you with no 
accountability for its use, if your ex-husband had total con- 
trol of your children and wouldn't honor your visitation 
rights and the courts wouldn't, either, and the father of your 
children were filling their heads with vindictive lies about 
you? How long could you deal with that sort of abuse 
and heartbreak?” 


wen 


N E W 


SFR 


O N I 


what's happening in the sexual and social arenas 


BUICH TREAT 


BERLIN—Club Rosa is like many exclu- 
siue escort services: When you call for a 
companion, a sexy female voice answers 


the phone. The similarity ends there. "Ex- 
clusive” in this case means only women 
need call—it's a service for lesbians, and 
it's causing some feminists to fume. "I was 
shocked. Women are not objects,” said a 
woman who works at a Berlin lesbian sup- 
port center. Club Rosa’s owner counters, 
“This is a feminist project. Sex with women 
is less degrading than sex with men be- 
cause women see you as a whole person.” 


MOLOTOV COCK TALE 


Moscow—Russia may have repealed its 
sodomy laws, but you wouldn't know it 
from the number of people still imprisoned 
‘fo? that act. Masha Gessen, an American 
gay-rights activist, says, “Since the repeal, 
not one person to our knowledge has been 
released.” Some sources say that at least 35 
gay men are still in prison for sodomy 
throughout Russia. 


VIP TREATMENT 


RENO, NEVADA—The feds use RICO 
Statutes to seize the assets of convicted drug 
dealers. Now they're going after the assets 
of some lawyers who defend drug dealers: 
The government recently seized the prac- 
tices of two attorneys, Patrick Hallinan of 
San Francisco and Jack Grellman of Reno. 


They stand accused of helping a former 
client launder money and smuggle drugs. 
The client pleaded guilty in 1990 and is 
now apparently helping the feds. Critics of 
the government action say it's simply an at- 
tempt to discourage attorneys from taking 
drug cases. The assistant U.S. attorney in 
charge of the prosecution denied this, say- 
ing, “No one gets treated differently just 
because their name ends in "Esquire." 


A WOMAN PORNED 


SAN FRANCISCO—Actress Holly Ryder 
made more than 200 porn films before a 
mid-life career move. Now she’s an an- 
tiporn activist. Rydez going under her 
given name, Lisa Abato, wants to collect 
1 million signatures to place an antiporn 
initiative on a November 1994 ballot. 
Abato and a Los Angeles entrepreneur 
have formed the Holly Ryder Commission 
and another organization, the nonprofit 
Holly Ryder Foundation, to pursue her 
new goal. Hmm, an acior turned politi- 
cian—sounds familiar. 


PENIS ENVY 


LOS ANGELES—A judge dismissed porn 
star Jeff Stryker's suit against two compa- 
nies for illegally using a model of his pri- 
vate parts. Stryker contended that, while 
he received payment for the use of his penis 
as a model, he received no royalties when 
dildos were mass-produced from his mem- 
ber. The court dismissed the suit but left 
open the possibility of appeal, saying, "It is 
entirely possible that an appellate court. 
could decide this [ judgment] inappropri- 
ate. It certainly is weird." 


MAS. ROBINSON RL. 


SACRAMENTO—A bill that makes it ille- 
gal for adult females to have sex with un- 
deroge males looks as if it will become law. 
A 1992 case in which a woman had sex 
with ten teenage boys inspired the bill. 
Authorities could convict the woman only 
of oral copulation and lewd conduct, not 
statutory rape, because California's statu- 
tory rape law applies only to female vic- 
tims. The sponsors of the bill hope to close 
this loophole. The woman got off with 
probation. 


UNCIVIL WARS 


SOMERS, NEW YORK—A seventh grade 
teacher who showed an anti-abortion film 
rather than lead a discussion of the Civil 
War has been barred from the classroom 
pending a state disciplinary hearing. 
Without warning, William Wienecke, a 
social studies teacher, required his students 
to watch the film "Ultrasound: A Window 
to the Womb.” The anti-abortion documen- 
tary includes a scene that shows dismem- 
bered fetuses 


THE NEXT GENERATION 


LONDON—A British manufacturer 
plans to test market a new condom made 
from a polyurethane instead of the usual 
latex. London International Group, al- 
ready the world's largest producer of 
brand-name condoms, said the new mate- 
rial is thinner, stronger and clearer than 
conventional latex. It is also hypoaller- 
genic, effectively blocks the AIDS virus 
and offers improved sensitivity. 


KISS AND TELL 


CHICAGO—A survey by "Complete Wom- 
an” magazine of about 1000 women 
found that 74 percent of the respondents 


discuss details of their love life with 
friends. The survey also found that 56 
percent of these women are likely to com- 
plain about their partner's performance or 
{fantasize about someone else during sex. 


Reporter's Notebook 


THE DRUG WAR'S A BUST 


just as in vietnam, the bod count hides a terrible 
lie. isn’t it time to hali the mad crusade? 


The war on drugs is over, but no one 
has told the frontline combatants. The 
shooting goes on because this country's 
top brass, from the president on down, 
are afraid to go public with the truth. 
Like Vietnam, this war is no longer 
fought with a strategic expectation of 
victory. Instead, it has degenerated in- 
to ritualistic mayhem with no useful end 
in sight. 

‘After more than ten years and the ar- 
rests of millions of citizens at a cost of 
more than $100 billion, not inclu 
the large expense of incarceration, there 
are actually more drugs on the streets. 
Drug-related crime is now the nation's 
number-one problem, inner cities are 
free-fire zones, distressing numbers of 
minority youths have been killed or have 
turned criminal, and there is no more 
room in the prisons. 

Kapusts, bank robbers and child moles- 
ters are having their sentences short- 
ened to make room for people who re- 
ceive draconian mandatory sentences 
for drug-related offenses, which in some 
cases are three times the length of those 
meted out to murderers. 

That's why senior judges across the 
country are refusing to try drug cases 
and are speaking out for decri za- 
tion. They are joined by a broad coz 
tion that includes former Secretary of 
State George Shultz, Nobel laureate Mil- 
ton Friedman, conservative columnist 
William F. Buckley, Jr., and big-city po- 
lice chiefs and mayors. Decriminahza- 
tion does not connote approval, nor 
does it condone selling t0 youngsters. 
Rather, it means intelligendy regulating 
drugs the way we do alcohol. 

Lee Brown, the current drug czar and 
former police chief of New York, Hous- 
ton and Atlanta, knows the extent of the 
failure of the program all too well. Re- 
cently, we both attended an ACLU pro- 
gram during which he admitted, "We 
cannot succeed in this effort [to control 
drug use] by declaring war on our own 
citizens." 

He acknowledged that the decade- 
long emphasis on interdicting supplies 
rather than treating addicts has failed 
miserably. But then, his voice suddenly 
faltering and weary, he retreated to the 
expected noise about continuing to en- 
force the law, which, he concedes, can- 


Opinion By ROBERT SCHEER 


not be enforced. I don't blame him; I 
blame his boss, President Clinton, who, 
maybe because he was attacked during 
the election campaign for once coming 
close to inhaling marijuana, refuses to 
provide leadership on this issue. 

Instead, we have confusion. Clinton 
has quietly cut Brown's office staff from 
146 to a paltry 25. As a result, Brown is 
a drug czar without troops. With his 
shrunken staff, he probably has trouble 
making lunch appointments, let alone 
catching drug kingpins. 

Meanwhile, over at the DEA, the 
agency proceeds as if the war is still 
winnable because Congress continues to 
provide massive funding. The DEA is 
part of a national bureaucracy that ex- 
tends down through local police depart- 
ments, which have a stake in defining 
drugs as a criminal, rather than a health, 
problem. After all, they are cops, and re- 
habilitation is not their business. 

We know why they want this mad cru- 
sade to go on as usual. But why docs the 
public, which has to foot the enormous 
bill, put up with it? 

"The answer is that the public has been 
brainwashed by one of the most intense 
and effective government. propaganda 
efforts ever pulled off in a free society. 
"The resulting anomaly is that the war on 
drugs has been one of the most unsuc- 
cessful yet popular wars in this nation's 
history Thats because this particular 


war has been fought largely on the turf 


of ghetto communities. 

Indeed, this war has become unpopu- 
lar only in those rare instances when the 
targets have been shifted from ghetto 
street-corner dealers to middle- and up- 
per-class assets such as yachts seized un- 
der the Coast Guard's zero tolerance 
program. In other words, the war on 
drugs has turned into a race war. Al- 
though 80 percent of the people who use 
illegal drugs are white, the overwhelm- 
ing majority of those arrested are black 
and Latino. 

"Iroy Duster, one of the top academic 
experts on the problem, points out that 
when you're in a war, your commanders 
try to raise the body count, and they ac- 
complish that by smashing into crowded 
inner-city neighborhoods. "Ninety per- 
cent of today's arrests," says Duster, “in- 
volve black teenagers buying and selling 


drugs worth less than $75." 

The effects of drug-law enforcement 
have been far worse than those of the 
drugs themselves, which have genocid- 
ally decimated a generation of black 
youths. This represents a social upheaval 
in America of unprecedented. propor- 
tions, leaving one in four black males in 
the hands of what is cuphemistically 
called the criminal justice system. 

No one in his right mind can favor 
continuing on a course with such disas- 
trous consequences, but we long ago sur- 
rendered our ability to think clearly 
about this issue. Logic has never been a 
mainstay of a program that demonized 
all drugs equally. The government tells 
us that 67 million Americans report hav- 
ing used marijuana, and most of those 
people can attest that it did not destroy 
their lives. Last year, only 17 million 
people used marijuana, so it cannot be 
that addictive. Indeed, the government's 
cracking down on hemp in the late Six- 
ties, which dried up the marijuana sup- 
ply, may well have led to the increased 
use of cocaine in the early Seventies. 
Subsequently, targeting the supply of co- 
caine powder gave rise to more easily 
transported, but far more destructive, 
crack cocaine. 

We have focused on a drug epidemic 
among young people, yet the most reli- 
able government statistics say that while 
only two percent of kids have tried co- 
caine by the eighth grade, 70 percent 
have used alcohol. Figures from the Na- 
tional Genter for Health Statistics show 
that two thirds of homicides and serious 
assaults involve alcohol, and that 25 per- 
cent to 40 percent of all patients adm 
ted to hospitals are there because of al- 
cohol abuse. 

The point is not to ban alcohol. For 
most people, myself included, alcohol 
adds to the enjoyment of life in ways that 
are not at all destructive. Furthermore, 
recent evidence points to the positive 
health effects from moderate drinking of 
red wine. Marijuana, too, in moderation, 
has no grim effect. Other drugs, includ- 
ing PCP and crack, are an obvious men- 
ace and need to be more tightly con- 
trolled. The indiscriminate approach to 
substance abuse is medically irrespon: 
ble in denying that people have id- 
ual responses, (concluded on page 153) 


49 


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PLAYBOY INTERVIEW: PETE TOWNSHEND 


a candid conversation with Ihe wizard of rock about life with the who, bisex- 
uality in music, “tommy” on broadway and, of course, how lo smash a guitar 


In a raw house in a working-class London 
neighborhood 40 years ago, a young boy was 
given a clarinet by his father. The boy failed 
miserably on the instrument. Had he suc- 
ceeded, he might never have tried the guitar 
a few years later, and we might still be listen- 
ing to Paul Anka, wearing butch wax hair- 
dos and believing everything our parents 
and politicians told us. The boy was Pete 
Townshend, and he has had as much to do 
with hard, pure, angry, irreverent, loud rock 
and roll—and all that it wrought—as any- 
one else. 

Townshend became the leader of the Who, 
the baud rock historian Greil Marcus claims 
“represented the very spirit of rock and roll.” 
A quick list of the Who's best songs is lesta- 
ment: "My Generation.” Can See for 
Miles," “I Cant Explain," “Magic Bus,” 
“Won't Get Fooled Again,” “Behind Blue 
Eyes," “Baba O'Reilly,” “Who Are You.” 
And fiom “Tommy,” the classic rack opera, 
“Pinball: Wizard," "Pm Free” and the 
haunting "See Me, Feel Me." 

If the Who was rock and rolls spirit, the 
spirit of the Who was Townshend, who has 
remained a vital [arce since the group dis- 
banded in 1982. Indeed, this has been a re- 
markable decade for Townshend, He co-pro- 
duced “The Who's Tommy.” which opened 
on Broadway in 1993 and won five Tonys. 
including one for Townshend's musical 


“AH rock and voll is toothless. Nirvana. Guns 
a" Roses, Bon Jovi, Pearl Jam, Public Ene- 
my—however big, strong and powerful they 
are, and no matter the megabucks they get. 
they're still toothless.” 


score, and the Drama Desk award for best 
musical. The production looks as if it will 
run, sold out, for the foreseeable future. 
Frank Rich, in “The New York Times,” 
wrote, "Tommy is at long last the authentic 
rock musical that has eluded Broadway for 
two generations.” The original cast record- 
ing— produced by George Martin, who also 
produced the Beatles’ albums—was released, 
and the original version of “Tommy” by the 
Who was re-released. And Townshend wasn't 
only repackaging his classic Who material, 
either; he debuted “Psycho Derelict,” an in- 
Jectious collection of songs built around a 
play. With a new band and a cast of actors, 
he took “Psycho Derelict” on a sold-out tour 
through the U.S., and it aired as a pay-per- 
view lelevision broadcast. 

Townshend was born in London just as 
World War Twa ended. Both of his parents 
were musiciaus—his father played sax and 
clarinet with the Squadranaires, a Royal Air 
Farce band, and his mother was a singer. To 
make ends meet between gigs, they rau an 
antique shop. 

Afler being inspired by the music he heard 
in church as a boy, Townshend joined the 
school Dixieland band and played banjo. 
When he switched to guitar he teamed up 
with schoolmates John Entwistle, wha played 
bass, and Roger Daltrey, who sang, in a 
band. Drummer Keith Moon joined up later, 


“I used to turn off the TV set with a glass 
ashtray. H was in the days before remote con 
trol, and I never bothered to get out of bed. 
Fd just hurl an asht d smash the tele- 
vision, which did the job.” 


and by 1964 the group, named the Who, was 
packing clubs in London. The band’s first 
record was released the next year, and 
Ihe Who took the U.K. and then America 
by storm. 

Keith Moon's debauched antics got the 
most press attention, and Roger Daltreys 
yellow curls and golden voice helped the 
group win pop appeal. But it was Town- 
shend who defined the Who, He wrote the 
songs aud his live performances we 
He leapt into the aix, his right hand s 
ing in a full windmill and crashing into the 
strings of his guitar until his fingers were 
bloody. Before a Who concert would end, 
Townshend would be likely to destroy his gui- 
lar, amplifiers and anything else in his path. 

The Who released a series of now-classic 
albums and toured constantly. The band 
played Woodstock and the Monterey Pop Fes- 
tival, and “Tommy” was performed by the 
London Symphony. There was a “Tommy” 
film, which featured Elton John, Tina Tur- 
ner and Jack Nicholson, and two Who films 
that remain cult favorites: “Quadrophenia,” 
starring Sting, and the band’s rockumen- 
tary, “The Kids Are Alright.” But, perhaps 
as an incvilable result of all the anger and 
Jury that the band represented, there was al- 
so Iragedy. 

In 1978, Keith Moon 
and drug use were the stuff of legends, 


whose. drinking 


died 


PHOTOGRAPHY EY BENNO FRIEDMAN, 
“Rock and roll needed to be brought to 
Broadway. I always felt that Tim Rice and 
Andrew Loyd Webber, with Jesus Christ Su 
perstas; rode off with part of my inheritance. 
I wanted to claim it back." 


EH 


PLAYBOY 


sg auctioned for chari 


of an overdose at 31. The band had barely 
recovered when it sel out on a tour with a 
new drummer, Kenney Jones, and. pianist, 
John “Rabbit” Bundrick. When the tour 
reached Cincinnati in December 1979, there 
was a stampede of fans in Riverfront Colise- 
um that left 11 dead. The band was devas- 
tated and dispirited, as evidenced by the al- 
bums for the next couple years—though they 
did contain a few memorable last gasps (in- 
cluding “You Better You Bet" aud “Who Are 
You"). In 1982 the Who embarked on its 
final tour (there was also a 25th-anniver- 
sary reunion tour in 1989). 

Townshend was married in 1966 and had 
two children, but he had his own troubles 
with alcohol and he moved out on his family. 
He got hooked on Ativan, a prescription 
drug, and admits that he barely survived the 
experience. With the help of a treatment pro- 
gram, he kiched the addiction and also 
stopped drinking. At the time, he claimed 
that his longtime devotion to Indian guru 
Meher Baba provided the inspiration that 
helped him through the period. He recon- 
ciled with his wife, Karen, and theirs is one 
of the longest-lasting marriages in rock and 
roll. They had another child in 1990. 

Townshend began releasing solo albums in 
1980 with “Empty Glass” (there was also a 
collaboration with Ronnie Lane in 1977, 
"Rough Mix"). "Empty Glass" is a stunning 
record, as are follow-up albums, including 
"AIL the Best Cowboys Have Chinese Eyes.” 
He created a musical theatrical production 
of British poet laureate Ted Hughes’ novella 
“Iron Man," and he pursued nonmusic in 
terests, founding a small book-publishing 
house and working as a part-time associate 
editor at another publisher, the prestigious 
Faber and Faber. He also showed up at 
benefits for all kinds of charities. (He has 
joked that "when it comes to charity in the 
music business, it’s me, Sting, Peter Gabriel, 
Phil Collins and a few others calling up and 
saying, "Yon owe me a favor") 

Townshend is often teased for having 
penned one of the most famous lyrics in rock 
and roll: “People try to put us down / Just 
because we get around / The things they do 
look awful cold / Hope I die before I get old." 

Now that Townshend is 48 years old, we 
decided it was time to check in with one of the 
most polen! forces in music, Contributing 
Editor David Sheff, who last interviewed 
Conehead Dan Aykroyd, was tapped for the 
assignment. Here is Sheff's report: 

“I met Toumshend during Ihe Psycho 
Derelict’ tour in Los Angeles and San Fran- 
cisco, and also in New York, where he was 
scheduled lo appear on one of the final 
“Late Night with David Letterman’ shows 
on NBC. 

“Before he arrived, the shows producers 
were all atwitter. Apparently, one of them 
had asked Townshend if he would, afier per- 
forming, destroy his guitar. Townshend had 
for the most part given up smashing guitars, 
and he hadn't committed, bul the show pro- 
vided an expensive guitar just in case 
(Townshend had insisted that the guitar be 
if he did it). A camera- 


man was flustered. "If he’s going to smash the 
guitar, we must rehearse it? he said. But one 
of Townshend's entourage rolled her e 
"He's not going to break a guitar,’ she said. 
And he's certainly not going to rehearse 
breaking a guitar. 

“Townshend arrived dressed in black, his 
hair cut short, Steve McQueen style, eyes 
sparkling, First was a rehearsal. U was 
something to watch up close, as Townshend 
played the powerful opening riff of Pinball 
Wizard.’ Bandleader Paul Shaffer inter- 
rupted. "On the record there's a D in there 
somewhere,’ he said, and Pete politely nod- 
ded. "Right. Thanks." 

"Finally, it was showtime. After an open- 
ing monolog, Letterman introduced Town- 
shend, who played a fiery Wizard, D in- 
cluded. When he sang ‘How do you think he 
does it?” the Letterman band chimed in, “Y 
don't know.’ Meanwhile, the producers, in 
the audience, were concerned about one 
thing: ‘Will he do it?" they asked one anoth- 
er The cameraman waited nervously. 

“A couple months later, on the MTV Music 
Awards show, Kurt Cobain, lead singer and 
guitarist for Nirvana, appeared to feign 
fury when he destroyed his guitar. H seemed 


“The string gets 
under the fingernail 
and rips it off. It’s 
part of the job. It 


actually energizes me.” 


silly. But when Townshend, on Letterman, as 
‘Wizard’ ended, lifted his guitar into the air 
and brought it crashing down into an am- 
plifier, annihilating it, il was absolutely 
thrilling.” 


PLAYBOY: When did you smash your first 
guitar? 

TOWNSHEND: | was 13. John Entwistle 
and I were rehearsing together in the 
front room of my house. My grandmoth- 
er came in shouting, “Turn that bloody 
racket down!" I said, “I'll do better than 
that," and I got my guitar—this was a 
good guitar that I had paid for myself 
with money I earned from a paper 
route—and smashed it to smithereens. I 
said, “Now will you fucking get out of my 
life?” and she stomped out. 

I looked at John and said, “What 
now?” And he said, “Another paper 
route, I think.” Once I had done it, it 
was always there as a possibility. If ever I 
wanted to deal with any kind of hidden 
rage, I could always take it out on the 
guitar. I could always trigger the same 
little bit of psychotherapy 
PLAYBOY: So it's therapy, not theater? 


TOWNSHEND: Well, you have to remem- 
ber I'm not angry all the time. Even now 
I occasionally get frustrated on the stage 
with guitars and want to smash them. I 
tend not to do it, but the opportunity's 
always there. I smashed a guitar on the 
Psycho Derelict tour and it was great fun 
also cathartic? 

It's also embarrassing, is 
what it is. It’s like comedians’ being 
forced to use their catchphrase after 
they've become serious actors. 

PLAYBOY: Are you annoyed when you're 
asked to do it? 

TOWNSHEND: Yeah. I smashed the one on 
the Letterman show even though I 
didn't really want to. They asked me to 
do itand I told them I would if they sold 
the guitar for charity. They gave mc a 
fabulous guitar—a Gibson ]-900 blond, 
an Elvis Presley-type guitar. 

PLAYBOY: Do you feel at all guilty in 
smashing such a great and expensive 
instrument? 

TOWNSHEND: 1 do at my age. I didn’t 
when I was 25 and out of my brain. But 
that’s why it had to be auctioned for 
charity. And believe it or not, worth 
morc broken than it is in one piece. 
PLAYBOY: Like the comedians and their 
catchphrases, is it frustrating when peo- 
ple want to hear your old songs, such as 
My Generation and Won't Get Fooled Again? 
Are you tired of performing them? 
TOWNSHEND: Somctimcs I try to avoid 
obvious hits, but then my confidence 
gives out. When I was on the Letterman 
show, I wanted to do a song by the Eng- 
lish Beat, Save It for Later, but at the last 
minute I thought, What the fuck. Who 
wants to hear Save It for Later? Don't be a 
grouch, Pete. They want to hear Pinball 
Wizard. Give them what they want. And 
it's OK. I don't want to disown the old 
songs or what I did with the Who. 
PLAYBOY: Do you look back at the Who 
and remember it as the good old day: 
or do you think, I can't believe that we 
survived? 

TOWNSHEND: Under the so-called de- 
mocracy of the Who I felt very fettered 
by Roger, but at the same time it was 
wonderful to share the weight of a con- 
cert with him. I was somewhat held back 
by John Entwistle's tendency to play too 
loud, but equally miss his backstage wit 
and the fact that we have been friends 
since we were 11 years old. So it's mixed. 
PLAYBOY: Is there a way for you to quan- 
tify the magic of the Who? 

TOWNSHEND: We were driven by this 
showbiz technique of constantly shoot- 
ing for the people who are least involved 
with you, the least convinced by you. I 
once read an interview 1 had done in 
which | said, "When I'm performing I 
ofien find the most beautiful girl in the 
audience and play the whole concert to 
her." I thought, What a crock of shit! I 
don't do anything like that. Why did I 
say it? Then | remembered. Often, when 
the Who vas onstage, the most beautiful 


girl in the audience was looking at 
Roger. When I saw that, 1 began to fight 
for her attention. By the end of the show 
I wanted her to be looking at me. 
PLAYBOY: So it was competition with 
Roger Daltre 
TOWNSHEND: Yeah, youthful rivalry. The 
mechanics of the Who were very much 
built on that. That rivalry gave us a great, 
competitive, dangerous edge. That, plus 
everything else about us at that time 
in our lives. It all culminated in those 
performances. 

PLAYBOY: Which included your ferocious 
guitar playing and your trademark 
windmills. Does it hurt to hit guitar 
strings with such force? 

TOWNSHEND: It is terribly painful. But 
I'm used to the fact 
that there will be 


ing there by the piece of metal through 
my hand. 

PLAYBOY: Did you finish the show? 
TOWNSHEND: | slipped it off and it bled a 
lot, but, yeah, And there was a brilliant 
surgeon nearby and I was lucky enough 
not to have hit anything vital. Then it 
happened again on the bike. Everything 
has happened to the same hand. ] have 
some heavy right-hand karma. I’ve had 
126 stitches in this hand. 

PLAYBOY: You had qui 
pecially in the early days. How do you 
feel about the Who's ler antics? 
TOWNSHEND: I didnt like them very 
much, 1 have to say. It's not just me be- 
ing a bad sport. I kind of went along 
with it, but I didn't like it. And I don't 


a reputation, es- 


pain. I know that I 
will take my nail off 
at the beginning of 
every tour. Still. The 
string gets under the 
fingernail and rips 
it off. Is part of 
the job. I am play- 
ing sometimes and I 
go [does a windmill), 
"Wang, wang, wang, 
blood" and then I 
think, This is it. I've 
arrived. It is the place 
where I should be, 
like a boxer in the 
middle of a fight. 
PLAYBOY: How do you 
keep playing when 
you're bleeding like 
that? 

TOWNSHEND: It’s dif- 
ficult to hold the pick 
because it gets slip- 
pery. But that doesn't 
matter, It actually en- 
ergizes me. 

PLAYBOY: You hurt 
your hand in an acci- 
dent a couple years 
ago. Mas it affected 
your playing? 
TOWNSHEND: No. It 
seems that I hurt the 
same hand all the time. 

PLAYBOY: What happened? 

TOWNSHEND: I was on a bike, completely 
exhilarated, going down this hill, and I 
hit a pothole and went over the handle- 
bars. I had to have physical therapy 
every day for six months. 

PLAYBOY: Which hand did you hurt? 
TOWNSHEND: The right 

PLAYBOY: Was that the same hand you in- 
jured during the 1989 Who tour? 
TOWNSHEND: Yeah. That time I speared 
myself. 1 was using a guitar that was cre- 
ated for E apton. It had one of 
those whammy bars for vibrato, basically 
a sharp piece of metal. It went in one 
side of my hand and out the other side. I 
lified my arm and the guitar was hang- 


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think Roger did, either, and maybe not 
even John 

PLAYBOY: But you took part, didn’t you? 
TOWNSHEND: Keith set the precedent, 
and once it was set, I fell into it, too. 
Like, I used to turn off the TV set with a 
glass ashtray. It was in the days before 
remote control, and 1 never bothered to 
get out of bed. I'd just hurl an ashtray 
and smash the television, which did the 
job. Occasionally, at a party I would turn 
over a table or something, but Keith was 
an artist when it came to that. He was 
a hotel-room-wrecking artist. It wasn't 
about violence or hedonism. It was art. 
Quite seriously. It was part of the statc- 
ment against materialism, against neat- 
ness, against order, values, role models, 


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against all that shit. He'd come into a 
freshly made-up room and look at it in- 
tently and study it. Then he'd rearrange 
it. Afterward, he would always go to 
warn the maid. "A slight problem in 
room 1308," he'd say. 

PLAYBOY: Would he at least leave a 
big tip? 

TOWNSHEND: We used to have to pay for 
it. We got some enormous bills. 
PLAYBOY: Are times such as that what you 
remember most about Keith? 
TOWNSHEND: Keith was a very powerful, 
driving person. He was also unbelievably 
funny He was witty the way Groucho 
Marx and Dorothy Parker were witty. He 
was a fucking fast-thinking guy. Joe 
Walsh used to come see us and he'd 
play us 
cvenings with Kcith. 
You listen to them, 
and Keith, with two 
bottles of brandy in 


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PLAYBOY: How did 
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death? 

To order, call toll-free: TOWNSHEND: It was 


hard. The other day 
I was thinking we 
could have hired 
doctors to follow him 
around. Then, when 
he started to inhale 
his own vomit, they 
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one providing the drugs. I think Keith is 
a brilliant example of the tragedy be- 
hind the clown. If he thought it would 
make you laugh. he would pour petrol 
on himself and set himself on fire. 
PLAYBOY: How far would he go? 
TOWNSHEND: He did things as dangerous 
as that. Once, he was walking along with 
me on the second floor of a Holiday Inn, 
and he climbed up on the railing and 
said, "Bye, Pete!" and leapt off. There 
was a swimming pool down there, but it 
was at least five yards away. By some mir- 
ade he contorted himself and managed 
to barely squeeze into the pool. Then he 
got up and shouted “Voila!” 
1 was the only person there, so who 
was he doing it for? It's ironic, since he 


tapes of 


53 


PLAYROSTY 


54 


and | had had several conversations 
about how we should behave—what was 
our responsibility and what was good 
publicity. In some ways he saw himself as 
the Who's publicity machine. If he could 
get a front-page story, he'd do it. And it 
was quite difficult for us because we 
didn't want to turn down the easy noto- 
riety he gave us 

pLavsoY: Was his death expected? 
TOWNSHEND: It shouldn't have been a 
surprise, but it always is when that hap- 
pens. It was the logical conclusion to ni- 
d violence. 

PLAYBOY: There was more violence when 
11 kids were killed in a stampede at a 
Who concert in Cincinnati. Was violence 
inevitable, given the band's image? 
TOWNSHEND: The stampede could have 
happened at any rock concert. It was 
much more a symptom of the kids 
who go to rock-and-roll concerts—being 
young, getting drunk, doing whatever 
shitty drugs are available. It can happen 
at a football game or high school re- 
union—and it does. But that doesn't 
mean you don't feel guilty, not that it 
happened but that it was a symbolic mo- 
ment and we could have handled it 
right, but we didn't. 

PLAYBOY: What did you do wrong? 
TOWNSHEND: I was drinking so hard at 
the time I wasn't conscious of what I was 
saying. And I said some dumb things. I 
said some things that hurt the victims’ 


families. I remember saying, “It seems 
that everybody wants us to shed the the- 
atrical tear and to say "sorry; Whereas 
what we have to do is go on." The fact is 
that we didn’t have to go on. We could 
have stopped, and I think we should 
have stopped. We should have stopped 
the tour. 

PLAYBOY: Why didn't you? 

TOWNSHEND: I don't quite know why we 
didn't. I suppose we didn't, to put it 
bluntly, because there was too much 
money at stake. It would have been a big 
legal mess to cancel tour dates, but we 
should have. It’s obvious that we should 
have stopped. The idea that "We're go- 
ing on to Buffalo and we're doing this 
for those kids” was rubbish. The kids 
were gone. We then should have attend- 
ed to the families. We should have stayed 
in Cincinnati. It looked as if we had gone 
in like commandos, created this havoc, 
then fucked off to do the same things 
somewhere else. Our advisors, our 
lawyers and everybody else were just 
completely wrong, inhuman and stupid. 
Everybody was stupid—the record com- 
pany, the manager, my lawyer, the fans— 
they were all stupid, completely stupid. 
Never, ever have I come across a chunk 
of humanity as stupid as the people with 
whom I interrelated. And I sat on top of 
all those stupid people as Mr. King Stu- 
pid. 1 mean, we had to go on for roc 
and roll? What shit! Its like Wayne's 


World, “Rock and roll!” That's what we 
did after Cincinnati. "Rock and roll!” 


Eleven kids dead, but what the fuck? 
you 


Were overwhelmed at 


self to be ov med 
everyone else for it And | never felt 
right until 1 stopped blaming the other 
stupid people. That is no defense, no de- 
fense in court, | lone before God 
1 thought, What could I do? I had to 
do what the rest of the lads wanted 
me to do. 

PLAYBOY: Do you mind that questions 
such as these—about the Who—never 
seem to stop? 

TOWNSHEND: Someumes I do, but it was 
an important part of my life, and 1 don't 
disown any of it. It follows me always, es- 
pecially now with Tommy on Broadway. 
PLAYBOY: Is it gratifying to see Tommy on 
Broadway and back on record charts af- 
ter all these ycars? 

TOWNSHEND: It’s difficult to talk about 
this without sounding unbelievably con- 
ceited, but in my life I've had great 
difficulty riding the serpent. We made 
big mistakes with the Who in the Seven- 
ties, and I had my personal collapse. But 
after finishing the 1982 tour and being 
confronted with going to the studio yet 
again with this band, which I thought 
was really bereft, I had the courage 
to say, "Fuck it, it’s over.” From that 


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moment on I've been in complete con- 
trol of my life. I've had time to sit and 
look at which part of my life 1 want to 
into a continuum and which part of 
it I want to leave behind. It has been 
done by choice, with a plan, and Tommy 
on Broadway is part of it. 

PLAYBOY: Why Broadway? 

TOWNSHEND: At first, when I was ap- 
proached about doing 
ested. But I became intrigued with the 
form. The shows that work on Broadway 
come down to one magic moment. In 
Guys and Dolls, for me, it's [singing] “If 
he says the horse can do, can do, can 
do. . . ." There are those moments in 
Tommy, iconic moments. The Tommy story 
and album attained that very quickly. It 
briefly overshadowed 
the Who. So it has 
been good fun to find 
those moments and 
re-create them for a 
new audience. And 
1 am extremely en- 
thused about Broad- 
way 1 think that 
Broadway has many 
qualities that make it 
an interesting place 
in which to work. 
PLAYBOY: More so 
than the rock world? 
TOWNSHEND: 1 like 
the fact that when 
rock and roll comes 
to Broadway there 
are no heroes. No 
Keith Moons to go 
up in smoke. It's a 
group effort, a true 
ensemble. And for 
me, it is a new place 
in which I can exper- 
iment. 1 have long 
felt that | have a 
place in musical the- 
ater; I feel 1 have 
a function there, 
a duty. 

PLAYBOY: A duty? 
TOWNSHEND: To give 
Andrew Lloyd We 
ber some competi- 
tion. Rock and roll needed to be brought 
to Broadway, and in doing that I always 
felt ıhat Tim Rice and Andrew Lloyd 
Webber, with Jesus Chris! Superstar, rode 
off with part of my inheritance. I wanted 
to claim it back. Now I've done so. And 
Tommy is my I plan to become 
more involved in musical theater. 
PLAYBOY: Does it strike you as odd that 
the show's audience now includes blue- 
haired old ladies, children and every 
body in between? 

TOWNSHEND: But there always was a wide 
nonrock audience that was interested in 
Tommy, even at the beginning. They 
didn't know anything about the Who 
and would confuse the two nes— 
which was the name of the group and 


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which was name of the the album. 
PLAYBOY: But for some fans, the Who 
and Broadway are almost a contradic- 
tion in terms. 

TOWNSHEND: There are these so-called 
purists who think, Fuck this. This isn't 
Tommy. This isn't the fucking Who. Be- 
nk they own the Who. 
to be their experience 
and no one else's. They know what rock 
and roll is: the Who, Pete Townshend, 
1968, 15 joints—"I was there.” But the 
people in this production also know 
what rock and roll is about. They've 
been brought up on it. And Tommy works 
'oadway on its own, not only as nos- 
talgia. A lot of the audience has never 
heard it before. 


Ibsolutely. 


pLarsoY: Why did you take out most of 


ship and religion? Were you afr 
fending a mainstream audience? 
TOWNSHEND: It works better as a play 
now. When Tommy first appeared, there 
were 30 or 40 human-potential groups 
who were sincere seekers of spiritual 
truth. There were all the traditional 
pathways that we know about. There 
were a dozen Indian masters. There 
were Chinese traditions, Tibetan tradi- 
tions, holistic leaders. They all turned to 
shit, most of them. That was part of an: 
other time, though I still quietly follow 
Meher Baba. 

PLAYBOY: How is that different? 
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because I don't want to bring him into 
the loop of people who machine-gun 
other people in South America, the 
David Koreshes and the Rajneesh leader 
who spent most of his üme fucking his 
disciples. 1 don't know if it is important 
to me whether Mcher Baba is a onc or 
the one or what. But if 1 focus on him 1 
actually feel a kind of—I’m trying to 
think of a word that personalizes the 
idea of pilgrimage, because that is what 1 
feel: that I'm attending to my inner pil- 
grimage. It's the idea that one's time on 
earth is about more than just getting 
through the time allotted. It is the idea 
that the main purpose of the human an- 
imal is to try to rise, to stand taller. It is 
the energy to aspire to more, to create, 
to discover or to in- 
vent. Meher Baba 
gives me an idea of 
what the target is 
It is very simple: 
"Thinking of him 


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the reason for the 
success of the Cath- 
olic Church. 
PLAYBOY: Were you 
raised Catholic? 
TOWNSHEND: No. My 
parents didn't go to 
church at all, but I 
did. It was Congrega- 
tional church. 
PLAYBOY: Did you go because you be- 
lieved or because you enjoyed the social 
aspects? 

TOWNSHEND: Both. At the time, I had 
this Sunday school image of Jesus Christ 
as a pathetic character who needed my 
support. But later that crystal into 
an image I still have, of Jesus Christ as a 
angerous guy—much more of a 
ior or a thug, prepared to use the 
tools of the time to drive home the mes- 
sage. Christ is very powerful and actual- 
ly quite a sexual being. Like a rock s 
suppose. 

PLAYBOY: So, thanks to church you got 
your first glimpse of what it might be like 
to be a rock star? 

TOWNSHEND: What church really did was 


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55 


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inspire me about singing. The gospel 
singing in church was what brought 
me there. 

PLAYBOY: Was that before you heard rock 
and roll? 

TOWNSHEND: Yeah. I started in the choir 
when I was eight. My first big musical 
moments were ecclesiastical, though at 
home my dad played music, too. He 
played saxophone and sang, and my 
mom sang. 

PLAYBOY: What happened to your reli- 
gion when you discovered rock and roll? 
TOWNSHEND: Actually, it was the church 
that led me to rock and roll. I used to vis- 
it what was called the Congo Club—the 
Congregational Church Youth Club— 
which was very much like the bit in Tom- 
my: The minister comes in to the club- 
house where all the kids are going wild. 
He looks around and asks, "What's hap- 
pening here, boys and girls? Good. Car- 
ry on.” What was actually going on was 
that lots of 15-year-old girls were getting 
their brains fucked out on the pool table 
in the back room. And in a dark room we 
were playing the pop records of the day, 
pre-rock-and-roll Bobby Darin, Paul An- 
ka, Neil Sedaka. Then suddenly it wasn't 
Bobby Darin anymore, it was Elvis Pres- 
ley. I went cold. I remember hearing 
Heartbreak Hotel and thinking, What the 
fuck is that? Then my father took me to 
a Bill Haley concert. I was hooked. 
PLAYBOY: It seems unusual that your fa- 
ther took you to your first rock concert. 
TOWNSHEND: My family used to play mu- 
sic without boundaries. They would play 
Ichaikovsky, bebop, Stan Kenton, str 
quartets, Scottish folk music, anything. 
There was never any snobbery. 
PLAYBOY: Did you have brothers or 
sisters? 

TOWNSHEND: Not until I was a bit older. 
My parents split up briefly, and I went to 
live with my grandmother. Then they 
got back together and 1 was back with 
them, and it was a very pleasant time. Fi- 
nally, when I was 12 they had my first 
brother, Paul, then soon after that, Si- 
mon. I loved them and doted on them, 
but I always looked for older boys to 
hang around. If not older boys, certain- 
ly boys who were more emotionally 
equipped than I was. 

PLAYBOY: Do you think you were looking 
for an older brother? 

TOWNSHEND: Probably Because these 
boys would be more grown up than I 
was, more mature, and I would attach 
myself to them. Maybe there was some of 
that in my relationship with Roger Dal 
trey. We always try to fill in the missing 
pieces, don't we? Roger was the abusive 
thug of an older brother I never had 
PLAYBOY: Was Cousin Kevin, the abusive 
bully in Tommy, modeled after him? 
TOWNSHEND: Not specifically, but I was 
driven, and by a ven- 
geance that u ind of abuse 
kids suffer at the hands of one another. 
Kids are terrible. When I was 16, a 


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mere ec re sen wäh iger doses 

Because vy small ancuris ol manor reach the icd wien the recommended Gos of ROGAINE s apple to Ie scalp you shouid tnow about cert. 
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Are there: ons for women? 

Pregnant waren and nursing melhers shou rol use ROGAINE. Ao. is eects on women during Gator and delivery are not known. Eticacy in 

Posimengpasal nomer bas not been suse. Studies show hne se o ROGAINE wl ni act mens cycle length, amour o lo, cation 

mensinal period. Discontinue using ROGAINE and consult yer doctor as soon as passie il your mensual period does not occur t expected time. 

Can ROGAINE be ueed by children? 

No. Mesaley and eectveness OI ROGANE has rot ben tested in people under ape 18. 

auton: Fecer tw phi dispensing wahou a prescription You must see adoctr to ecev a escrplion. 

| Upjohn eee ©1993 The Upjohn Company. Kalamazoo, Mi 49001, USA 
DIVISION 15994800 December 1663 CB-4-S 


friend of mine sent me to Coventry and 
managed to persuade several of my close 
friends to send me to Coventry after we 
had a fight and I hit him. 

PLAYBOY: What is Coventry? 

TOWNSHEND: It is when nobody talks to 
you. I don't know what they call it in the 
States. He got everybody to not talk to 
me, and it was absolutely awful. I was 
happy to get out of school and move on 
to art school, which was this radical place 
full of ideas and wonderful music and 
wonderful women. But before that was 
torture, and it took a toll. I probably 
shouldn't talk about this, but I'm on 
good enough ground now with Roger to 
address it. He used to be the worst bully, 
terrorizing other kids. He was a tough 
guy at school, pushy, always using it to 
get his way. It wasn't only in school. In 
the band he used it to get what he want- 
ed. If you didn't agree he would threat- 
en you with violence, look you in the eye 
like a street fighter, and you'd cave in 
and say, "OK, we'll do it your way." But 
one day we all got together and said, 
"Roger, you have to stop. You have to 
lcarn to talk." It was likc a couple who 
fight and the husband always wins by 
smacking his wife. And to Roger's credit, 
he did stop, and it gave the band a fu- 
ture, because if he hadn't we wouldn't 
have lasted. But in the early days, we 
were very much affected by his bullying. 
PLAYBOY: Were you already playing gui- 
tar when you met him? 

TOWNSHEND: Oh, yeah. My grandmother 
gave me my first guitar long before 1 
knew him. 

PLAYBOY: Your grandmother, not your 
musician father? 

TOWNSHEND: She did, which I didn't like 
at all. I wanted it to be my father. 1 
thought, Why did they have her buy it? 
My father also played clarinet. When I 
was about cight he let me try it, but I 
couldn't make a sound. He suggested 
the guitar, which he had started on. My 
father was a good musi 
pected him to buy me a fine 
My grandmother was—let me put it po- 
litely, because she is my beloved, beloved 
grandmother—dinically insane. Some- 
how she was elected to buy me my first 
guitar, and the one she chose was one of 
those you hang on the wall of an Italian 
restaurant. A cheap Italian restaurant. 
When 1 complained, my father said, 
“When you can get a tune out of this I'll 
buy you a good one.” 

PLAYBOY: Did he? 

TOWNSHEND: My mother and father ran 
an antique shop between gigs, and one 
day quite a good guitar came in and they 
gave it to me. I had to pay for it with 
money | earned from my newspaper 
route. It was the one I smashed because 
of my grandmother. 

PLAYBOY: What led to your first band? 
TOWNSHEND: | met John Entwistle the 
first ycar of high school. We formed a 
traditional jazz band, which grew out of 


a marching band. We used to take it 
around the pubs during holidays to 
make money. At the same time we also 
had a kind of Shadows or Ventures type 
of band with another guy from school, 
with John on bass, me on rhythm guitar, 
a lead guitar player and a drummer. 
Then, when we were 13, I met Roger. 
He was threatening me with a belt buck- 
le because he'd beaten up a friend of 
mine on the playground and I shouted 
that he was a dirty fighter because he 
kicked the guy when he was on the 
ground. Roger came over to me and 
said, "Who called me a dirty fighter?" 
. "I didn’t.” And he said, “Yes, 
" And he got his belt off and 
went to whip it across my face. 

PLAYBOY: What an auspicious way to start. 
a friendship. 

TOWNSHEND: I should have taken it as a 
sign. About six months later he came up 
to me in the corridor at school and I 
thought, Oh, my God, what is he going 
to do to me this time? He was a horrible, 
horrible boy. A real kind of spiff, you 
know? But he said, “I hear you play the 
guitar" I nodded, and he said, "My 
house. Tonight. 7:30." 1 was secretly 
quite delighted. 

PLAYBOY: Did he want to form a band? 
TOWNSHEND: I didn't know. All I knew 
was that I went to Roger's house and, on 
the way, I passed this stunning girl who 
was sobbing. I asked her if she was OK, 


and she looked at me and said, through 
these sobs, "Is that a guitar?” When I 
said, "Yeah," she asked, "You going to 
Roger's house?" and I said, "Yeah, I am, 
actually," and she screamed, "Well, fuck 
you! Tell him for me it’s either that gui- 
tar or me!” 

1 staggered the rest of the way to the 
house. Roger showed up at the door 
with his guitar in hand and he said, 
"Come I said, “Listen, I've just seen 
your girlfriend and she's given you an 
ultimatum. If you rehearse tonight she's 
never going to talk to you. So, I'll see 
you tomorrow maybe?" But he said, 
“Get in here! Let's play. 

1 don't know whether I've apocryphal- 
ized this weeping, stunning girl, but I re- 
member her as one of the most beautiful 
girls I had ever seen in my life. And he’s 
just going to dump her because he wants to 
play guiar 1 was awestruck. 1 think 
Roger had his priorities in order, unlike 
me at 48 years old. [Laughs] 

PLAYBOY: In your song English Boy, you 
sing "Hold me down, and 1 will bite.” 
Was that you then? 

TOWNSHEND: I feel that postwar boys, 
postsubscription boys, boys who weren't 
auracted to fighting in the army, were 
left without any function or purpose 
I've always hooked that into one of the 
reasons why rock and roll was so impor- 
tant to us, The others before us had 
gone off to fight, but there was no war 


for us. It is why rock and roll is so mili- 
taristic in many ways. 

PLAYBOY: Militaristic? 

TOWNSHEND: So much is about touring 
and conquering and destruction. This 
was our version of military service. Now 
you see so many young men with no fu- 
ture who tend to kick and fight and rape 
and pillage and amuse themselves by 
blowing people away. There scems to be 
a connection between that and my life 
and Roger's. We've talked about it. We 
had a choice when we were kids. You be- 
came either a boxer, a criminal or a rock 
star That's the kind of community I 
grew up in, though it’s not the back- 
ground of my family. 

PLAYBOY: When did Keith Moon join 
the group? 

TOWNSHEND: We met a while later. We 
were struggling to get a record deal. We 
had a very good drummer, but he was 
much older, about 36. We were about to 
get a record deal with Philips, and the 
record-company guy told us, “Listen, 
we'll give you a deal, but you have to get 
rid of the drummer.” We said we weren't 
sure, and the guy goes, " Listen, you have 
to get rid of him now. You have to tell 
him now." So John, Roger and I had a 
meeting. It was a big question of loyalty 
because this guy was somebody we loved 
very much. And at that moment my 
heart turned to stone and I said, “I'll go 
tell him." And I went out and said, "He 


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PLAYBOY 


60 


said he would give us a record deal but 
not if you're in the group, so you're out." 
And this guy Doug didn't talk to me for 
30 years. Quite rightly. 

PLAYBOY: How did you find Keith? 
TOWNSHEND: At first we used a couple of 
session drummers, and during one of 
our usual dates Keith showed up. He 
was in a competing band and heard that 
we were looking for a drummer, and he 
came to audition. You know the rest. 
PLAYBOY: At what point in the band's ca- 
reer did you begin your solo work? 
TOWNSHEND: I did an album with Ronnie 
Lane, Rough Mix, in 1977, but that was 
just on the side, not really competition 
with the Who. In 1980, when I was nev- 
er sober, I was writing songs that were 
not right for the Who. Some people said 
that my solo albums should have been 
Who albums, though Roger never said 
those words out loud. The songs were 
personal, and they reflected what I was 
going through. 

PLAYBOY: What inspired your first solo 
album, Empty Glass? 

TOWNSHEND: It was wanting to not be a 
drunk. Alcoholism produced my most 
morally bereft period—1978 through 
1980 —and Empty Glass, which most peo- 
ple think is my best solo work. That al- 
bum is, in a sense, a cry for stability, a cry 
for an empty glass, for sobriety and for a 
return to values that I held above every- 
thing else. But the reason the cry wasau- 
thentic was that I was in real trouble. 
The album is like a war medal. I went 
through hell and I don’t undervalue it, 
but 1 don't aspire to do it again. The 14 
years since then, being sober, are far 
preferable, though a few months ago I 
decided to go on a bender. 

PLAYBOY: That sounds dangerous. , 
TOWNSHEND: I thought I should try 
drinking again. Just to see what would 
happen. 

PLAYBOY: For a self-admitted alcoholic, 
isn't that a bit like Russian roulette? 
TOWNSHEND: Yeah, because | didn't 
know for certain if I was going to be able 
to stop. I was pretty sure, because I'd 
done it before. I've not treated myself as 
a clinical alcoholic even though I think I 
am one. I have the symptoms: If I have 
three glasses of wine at dinner, | just feel 
depressed. But if 1 go to six, I'm kind of 
[singing] “vroom, do do, do do, do do, 
do” and I've reached that place. So 
maybe I am one of those "My 
name is Pete and I'm an alcoholic.” Be- 
cause at that point I have no control at 
all. I can drink an enormous amount 
without too many aftereffects. 

PLAYBOY: What happened with your 
bender? 

TOWNSHEND: 1 stopped after a couple 
months and it produced some interest- 
ing stuff. I don't think I would have tak- 
en on the most recent tour if I had not 
been drinking—I was more free signing 
contracts. And I also think it allowed 
some important conversations with my 


wife about the future. And I had some 
good times and made some friends I'll 
probably have for the rest of my life. 
People I met in bars. 

PLAYBOY: Were you worried that when 
you started drinking again you might 
not have been able to stop? 

TOWNSHEND: Yes, but even during the 
years I wasn't drinking there were times 
when I would try it. I would sit alone in 
the middle of the night and drink a glass 
of brandy and wait and watch. “Do I 
turn into a monster? Do I need to drink 
the rest of the bottle? No? Good.” I did 
that enough times to know that I can 
control my superficial will. Of course, as 
my daughter said, “Don't get cocky, be- 
cause tomorrow Mom might leave you, 
your mother might die, something 
might happen to you. Tommy might close. 
Psycho Derelict might be a disaster and 
you might then find that you actually 
need to drink.” This time I started 
drinking from the position of strength. 
PLAYBOY: Those midnight brandies 
sound like a test of your will—that you 
didn't want to accept that a force was 
more powerful than it. 

TOWNSHEND: I think that's right. I don't 
accept it. Because if you accept that, then 
what you actually accept is that you're so 
clinically alcoholic that nothing is ever 
going to save you. I don’t accept that 
about myself. At the same time, this is 
not the kind of experiment I would rec- 
ommend to anybody else. I'm in a privi- 
leged Ere If I got in trouble and 
needed treatment, I could get it. 
PLAYBOY: Isn't that need to test your 
willpower risky? 

TOWNSHEND: Sure, and maybe that's part 
of the point. “Look at me, I can nearly 
die of alcoholism and drug abuse, come 
back, have a family, produce a young 
son, bring Tommy to Broadway, be a 
drunk again and stop.” And drinkin 
sort of an impetuous thing, like: I’m still 
young, a teenager; at least I'm still my 
own man. 

PLAYBOY: Have you felt as if you weren't 
your own man? 

TOWNSHEND: Well, there is something 
encumbering about being a father again, 
realizing that I shall be a father for an- 
other 15 years, having to be responsible. 
But I don't think that is exactly what 
made me drink again. It was under- 
standing that I had become very hard on 
myself and that I had earned the right 
to relax. 

PLAYBOY: In what way had you become 
too hard on yourself? 

TOWNSHEND: | was sober, responsible, 
making a living, and perhaps 1 wasn't 
enjoying things enough. I was shoulder- 
ing so much guilt. It was enough; I 
shouldn't keep punishing myself for 
having fucked up in the late Seventies. 
And that’s what I was doing. 

PLAYBOY: Guilt over what? 

TOWNSHEND: I felt guilty for fucking up 
rock and roll toward the end of the Who, 


when I wasn't delivering the kind of ma- 
terial the band needed, guilty for fuck- 
ing up by not keeping Keith alive, guilty 
for fucking up by being so drunk all the 
time that I was regularly unfaithful to 
my wife and I neglected my children. 
"Then I had this long period of sobriety 
that was about penance. So | did my 
penance and I wanted to give myself a 
break. I wanted to pat myself on the 
head and say, "You're OK. You've done 
good.” I don't know whether I chose the 
right way to reward myself, but that's 
what it was. I allowed myself to fly a bit, 
to enjoy a period of life in which it would 
seem to be bountiful in an unexpected 
way. To have some fun. I wanted to 
loosen up my heart because I felt kind of 
hard-hearted. So I drank again because 
1 thought maybe my son would be better 
off having a father with a soul rather 
than a father with a bank full of money 
to put him through college. So I went on 
a bender and then I stopped. 
PLAYBOY: So, did your son's father regain 
his soul? 
TOWNSHEND: He did, and I think it came 
with another lesson. That's why I'm now 
trying to write about the subtleties and 
intensities of the daily domestic grind 
and the simple pleasures and difficulties 
of domestic life. Things we all under- 
stand. Not the extreme and excessive. 
We all understand passion. We all un- 
derstand danger and risk. We all under- 
stand futility. We all understand desola- 
tion, desperation. Everybody writes 
about "I can't live without you." It would 
be interesting to write about "Honey, we 
can't go to the party yet because I have 
to change a wheel on the car." Or, "Help 
me, I've forgotten how to tie a fucking 
bow tie.” Or, “Yes, I would love to make 
love to you, darling, but it's my period 
and you know you hate blood." The stuff 
of real life. 
PLAYBOY: Your real life? 
TOWNSHEND: Yeah. And that's the trick. 
Because I get all this stimulation from 
the work I do. Flying from London to 
New York for the Tommy opening, or to 
La Jolla, where I worked on Tommy, or 
touring Psycho Derelict. It's great to be 
able to straddle the world. I find that 
apart from sleeping on airplanes, 1 do a 
lot of writing and thinking and decision 
making and planning. There's some- 
thing about being up in an airplane in 
the middle of two countries that gives 
me a good objective overview of which 
foot should be planted in which place. 
Yet that life is quite perverse compared 
with the fulfillment I get from interac- 
tion with family and friends. It's of a 
completely different nature. It chal- 
lenges normal life. 
PLAYBOY: Can normal life compete? 
TOWNSHEND: lt's the life most people 
lead, and it's perfectly satisfying. I want 
to explore it, the subtle and the real. It's 
ultimately where I'm going, and it is the 
(continued on page 148) 


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ANGS WERE BORN out of chaos—the inner 

city. When you grow up in South Central 

and you've never had anything in your 

life that you control, you seek control. 
Gangs offer ultimate control to do what you want. Just 
getting it for a minute is intoxicating. Gang members 
are out there trying to control their own little world 
It’s only a tiny place. It may not look like much to 
you—an alley, a street—but it's like a country to them. 
It's easy for outsiders to say it’s just a block, but many 
of those kids won't leave that block for years—and in 
some cases, their entire lives. It's theirs. It becomes 
their whole world. Everybody wants to have power 
over their world. 

The gang scene in Los Angeles is extremely compli- 
cated and deep-rooted. The Hispanic gangs have been 
banging for more ycars than any of the black gangs. 
The black gangs began to form after the Watts riots 
in 1965. 

1 first came in contact with gangs in 1974, when I 
started going to Crenshaw High School. I saw one 
group of guys hanging out together and 1 wanted to 


article by ICE-T 


PLAYBOY 


know what was going on. They were fhe 
unit. At that point I unknowingly got 
connected with the Crips. When you 
go to school and you start hanging out. 
with friends from one neighborhood, 
they immediately become your gang. 
The guys I met had come from Horace 
Mann junior High School, and they 
were part of the first generation of 
black gangs. Across town was a gang 
called the Brims, which is now called 
the Bloods. I then began to learn 
about the different groups and their 
idiosyncras 

Gang divisions are called sets. A gang 
member will ask you, “What set are you 
from?" Meaning, Are you a Crip? Are 
you a Westside Crip? A Rollin' 60s 
Crip? Eight-Tray Gangsters? Avalon 
Gardens? Project Watts? 

The Crips wear blue, the Brims wear 
red. The Crips call you cuz. The Brims 
call you blood. The Crip has his left ear 
pierced; the Brim, his right. 

Gangbanger clothes are based on the 
cheapest shit in the stores. Bandannas. 
Shoelaces. The Mexican kids wear 
pressed Tshirts; they even iron a 
crease in them. They wear khakis and 
corduroy house shoes that cost hve or 
ten dollars. They wear Pendleton shirts 
that last forever. The entire dress code 
consists of inexpensive items, but they 
press them and turn their dress into 
something that's honorable because it's 
all they have. 

In black gangs, anything that wasn't 
a Crip was a Blood. But the Blood 
gangs weren't all connected. You had 
the Bounty Hunters, Pirus, Denver 
Lanes, Villains, Swans. But they didn't 
get along, and the lack of unity made 
them less potent than the Crip gangs. 

As the gangs evolved, the Crip gangs 
became so wild that they started to 
prey on themselves and divide among 
their own sets. The Grape Street Crips 
in Watts would be at war with the 
Rollin’ 60s—the numbers correspond 
to the street blocks. From slightly west 
of Crenshaw Boulevard, all the way 
east to Long Beach Boulevard and 
back into Watts, was the area for gang 
activity. So when you hear people talk 
about the 20s, they're referring to 20th 
through 29th streets. The 30s go all the 
way across town, but the actual gang 
lived right around Western and the 
South Central police station. The 40s 
were the hustlers. They were the clos- 
est thing to non-gang members of all 
the blocks. They were out there gam- 
bling. They thought they were a little 
slicker than gang members. 

Of ten blocks, one street would be 
popping and a gang would be named 
after it. You had Five-Deuce Crips 
(52nd and Hoover) and Eight Tray 
Crips (83rd and Hoover). Before there 


were Rollin’ 60s and 74 Hoover—that's 
the hot spot for the Crip gang—there 
was a gang called 7459 Hoover Crips, 
which meant everything from 74th to 
59th streets. And each set would have 
an east or a west side, like the 74 
Hoover Westside and the 74 Hoover 
Eastside 

All these gangs have their own hand 
signals. A Hoover Crip throws two of 
his fingers down and puts another 
finger across, to look like an H. The 
Crips hold up a C. A Blood will make 
his fingers look like a B. The hand sig- 
nals are intricate. One set can tell an- 
other to fuck off by throwing up their 
signals. 

When a gang member gets ready for 
battle or goes hard-core gangbanging, 
it’s called locing. Going loc. Locing up. 
All of a sudden the beanies will get 
down crazy, their pants will sag, their 
sunglasses will go on. It’s the equiva- 
lent of Native Americans going on the 
warpath. 

"ve been to parties where my 
homies are chillin, and even though 
they're in a gang, they're low-key. A 
fight will break out and immediately 
my guys go on loc. ‘Their hats flip up 
and they re ready to pop. They spread 
ihe gang energy and start vibing off 
one another. 

A gang member reading this will au- 
tomatically know I was in a Crip sct, bc- 
cause a Blood will never use the word 
loc. When it became public that I was 
involved in a Crip gang, interviewers 
asked me which set | was affiliated 
with. I dor't think it's to anybody's ad- 
vantage for me to represent a set pub- 
licly. I don't want to be responsible for 
somebody targeting that set for any 
reason. You have to remember, this is 
no joke on the street. People live and 
die over their colors. 

I also run into problems when I talk 
to Brims about the gang truce that 
started in April 1992. They don't nec- 
essarily want to listen to me because 
I'm not in their set. Bangers feel me 
out first by asking what set I was with. I 
tell them it’s irrelevant because now 
Im trying to work for everybody. 

“Oh, so you was a Blood?” they ask. 

“Fuck a Blood,” I'll snap. It's an au- 
tomatic response because a lot of my 
friends got killed by Bloods. A lot of my 
friends. The last time we were on the 
road, the brother of one of my buddies 
got killed in gang violence. We had to 
do everything we could to keep my 
buddy in, because his brother made a 
911 call and named the murderer. 

I felt bad for him because I used to 
be so emotional. I would go on autopi- 
lot and no one could talk to me. That's 
exactly what happens to these kids. 
They just go crazy—and when you 


dor't retaliate, you just sit around wait- 
ing, waiting for justice to be served. 

The question is, Will he get justice? 
Will the killer go to jail? Or will he have 
to issue his own form of justice? 

“Iry to put yourself in the position of 
losing your sister or brother. You'd be 
crazy with revenge, driving around the 
streets asking people, "Do you know 
who Killed my brother?" Once you find 
out, your response is, "Fuck them. And 
their whole set.” That's how you get a 
gang situation. 


There are three levels of gang mem- 
bership: the hard-core, the members 
and the affiliates. The hard-core gang- 
ster is the straight-up warrior. He's al- 
ways looking for the enem 
ways in attack mode. He lives the 
violent side of gang life and that'sall he 
focuses on. He's the equivalent of the 
Army soldier who enlisted in order to 
go to war: "Fuck the GED. I'm here to 
kill some motherfuckers.” He's the guy 
reading Soldier of Fortune and living for 
the confrontation. 

The members are in gangs primarily 
for the camaraderie. They'll represent 
their set, but they're not sitting there 
nutty, just ready to go at it all the time. 
The members usually run the gangs 
because they are more levelheaded 
than the hard-core members. These 
are the guys who understand that gang 
membership has its privileges. The 
Geto Boys have a record out, Damn, It 
Feels Good to Be a Gangsta. Members 
have fun with it. They gain brother- 
hood and confidence that they aren't 
getting anywhere else. 

The affiliates know all the gang- 
bangers and they wear the colors. But 
they are not out there putting in the 
drive-bys. Usually, they just live on the 
same street as a set and they abide by 
the rules. Sometimes, the affiliate gang 
members might be calling the shots be- 
cause they may be a bit more intelligent 
and less violent than other members. I 
was an affiliate member, and if one of 
my homies from Hoover needed ad- 
vice, we'd hook up and discuss tactical 
maneuvers. Before you know it, you're 
setting up a drive-by. 

Sce, when you live on a certain 
street, you will always be held account- 
able for your hood if something goes 
down. In other words, a totally square 
kid living on 83rd Street knows his 
street is a Crip street and knows he 
can't avoid the politics of his hood. 

I once went with my daughter to buy 
some sneakers. I picked out a pair for 
her, but she pointed to a red pair. 
“Let's get these,” she said. I looked at 
her and asked, “Red—what are you 
talking about?” She was living near the 

(continued on page 139) 


“You're fun, Spider-Man—but you tickle!” 


Muy Sudsy Valentine 


anna nicole smith celebrates cupid's holiday 
by coming clean with a friend 


text by Christopher Mapolitano 


Cb OBODY FILLS a dress, charms a camera or takes a bath 
like Anna Nicole Smith. The first two qualities are why she’s a 
Playmate of the Year and a soon-to-be movie star (look for her in 
the upcoming Naked Gun 334 and The Hudsucker Proxy); the last 
trait is why, to mark Valentine Day, we've asked her back for her 
steamiest pictorial yet. But you don't have to take our word for 
it. We suggest you put yourself in Tom Johnson's flip-flops. 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY STEPHEN WAYDA 


Johnson, Anna Nicole's 
rubber ducky in these 
photos, was new to us. 
At 38, the native Cali- 
fornian and former 
model was making a 
* fresh start as a photo as- 
sistant and interviewing 
at Playboy Studio West, 
which is how he met An- 
na Nicole. "After my in- 
terview I was given a 
tour,” he recalls. "We 
went by the makeup 
room, and there was 
Anna Nicole. We said 
hello. I was trying to act 
cool—like it's every day 
that I see a Playmate of 
the Year" Incredibly, 
Anna told Contributing 
Photographer Stephen 
Wayda that she wanted 
Tom in the shoot. “I 
couldn't believe this was 
happening,” says Tom. 
“I thought, No way!” 
Sure enough, he was 
asked to get ready to 
pose. “I was in the 
makeup room. All of a 
sudden, Anna Nicole 
walked in—naked, ex- 
cept for this feather boa. 
I was, like, aaaahhh! I 
was so nervous. I tried 
small talk. I remem- 
bered that she's from 
Texas, like my father, so 
I asked her ‘Where in 
Texas?' She said, 'Hous- 
ton. Now take off your 
clothes." And so began 
for Tom the ultimate 
male fantasy. “I thought, 
This is the best. I have 
died and gone to heav- 
en,” he says. And Anna 
Nicole proved to be a 
real water sport. "It was 
great. She was so nice," 
continues Tom. "She 
was friendly, she was 
fun, she was playful. In 
Los Angeles you find 
a lot of women with 
attitude. But she was 
genuine. Im just a 


struggling photographer and she treated me straight. I appreciated that. When she gets in front 
of the camera she lights up. She just pulled me along." It worked—it looks like the water in the 
bubble bath was boiling. “She insisted that they keep the water warm," says Tom, laughing. “We 
got into it. It wasn't sexual, it was more romantic, glamourous. When we did the Marilyn Mon- 
roe pictures, I felt like Fred Astaire. I think she knew it was a fantasy for me." She topped it off 
by inviting him to drive her home in her Playmate of the Year Jaguar. "I drove down Sunset 
Boulevard in a Jaguar with a beautiful blonde," says Tom. "You can't get better than that." 


76 


R7 ae 
SUP uu 


alaskan winters are frigid and bloody lonely. 
who could resist a bit of neighborly comfort? 


DAVID MARUSEK 


N A BORROWED CABIN, in a northern 
wood, Walt Baffen welcomed winter. 
He had sacks and tins of food in the 
root cellar and a moose quarter in 
the cache. He had three cords of fire- 
wood. He had a bookshelf full of 
paperback classics and a propane 
lantern to read them by. He had a 
shortwave wireless and a carton of spare batteries. 

Most of all, he had his work—ten crates of obsidian 
flakes from the University of Alaska-Fairbanks archaeol- 
ogy lab, a case of excavation maps and site catalogs, 
calipers, a stereomicroscope and a 12-volt laptop com- 
puter. By spring—if all went well—he would return home 
to England with his dissertation, The Detection of Meat Pro- 
cessing in the Prehistoric Record: Microblade Analysis of Late 
Pleistocene Denali Artifacts in the Brooks Range 

In the meantime there was plenty to do. Walt hauled 
water uphill by sled from a hole he had chopped in the 
lake. He split and stacked firewood. He shoveled snow 
from his rather lengthy driveway. He taught himself to 
cross-country ski and visited his few and odd neighbors. 

In early winter, when it was still warm enough to start 
the old Subaru wagon, Walt made monthly trips down to 
Fairbanks to consult with his graduate committee chair, 
to take in a show at the Goldstream Cinemas and to get 
pissed or laid, or both. 

Soon, real winter began. The dense Arctic cold settled 
itself about his cabin and pressed against the logs. The 
sun no longer rose above the ridge across the highway. At 
night the splitting crack of freezing trees sounded like 
rifle shots. 

Walt stayed indoors. Hc fed the wood stove day and 
night. It hissed and groaned as it poured out heat. Walt 
slept in the loft, near the ceiling where the heat collected. 
During the day, no matter how warm the cabin got, the 
air near the floor was frigid. So Walt wore a silk kimono 
over heavy wool trousers and used his pac boots as house 
slippers. All in all, this log cabin—120 miles below the 
Arctic Cirde, with no plumbing and no clectricity—was 


PAINTING EY ROGER BROWN 


PLAYBOY 


78 


more comfortable than his damp and 
drafty student flat back in Oxford. 

Today the weather began to change. 
Walt checked the thermometer nailed 
to a tree outside the window. An Amer- 
ican thermometer, it had two concen- 
tric scales: the Fahrenheit large and easy 
to read, and the Celsius grudgingly 
small. The Yanks would never convert. 

It had indeed warmed up, but since 
he could make out only the Fahrenheit 
numbers, Walt wasn't sure by how 
much. The needle, these past ten days, 
had lingered near minus 40 degrees, 
cqually bitter on both scales. 

So today would be a good day to do 
firewood. There would be about four 
hours of weak daylight. But first Walt 
needed to make a quick trip to the out- 
house, and then have some breakfast. 
He opened the wood stove and tossed 
two pieces of birch into the miniature 
hellscape inside. The bark exploded 
into flames, sizzling and popping, and 
trickles of smoke leaked around the 
edges of the cast-iron plates. Walt filled 
the teakettle and placed it on the hot 
spot. He donned his stylish wolverine 
hat—which had set him back £200— 
opened the thick cabin door and 
stepped outside. 

Now he could tell with his nose it was 
warmer. And the patch of blue sky 
above the cabin was hazing over. The 
thermomcter, up close, read minus 30 
degrees Celsus, minus 99 degrees 
Fahrenheit He took the path to the 
outhouse. If he didn't walk too fast, his 
thin dothes could actually retain a lay- 
er of warm air next to his skin—a trick 
of the North. 

Walt stood behind the small wooden 
outhouse. It wasn't true what he'd been 
told: Urine at minus 22 degrees does 
not freeze before it hits the ground. It 
steams and cuts through snow like lava. 


On his way back to the cabin, Walt 
was startled to see someone standing in 
the path. At first he didn't recognize 
the man in old insulated overalls and a 
bulky brown parka. The man's wolf- 
trimmed hood was pulled into a face 
tunnel so that only his eyes and the 
bridge of his nose showed. But his 
large size, the way he filled the path, 
made Walt think of his neighbor, Gus 
Ostermann. And he recognized Gus’ 
mukluks, the ones made from caribou 
hide, knee-high and trimmed with bits 
of arctic fox, ermine and seal fur. Hell, 
thought Walt. Bloody, bloody hell. 

"Gus," he said as he approached the 
man. “Nice of you to drop by.” Walt 
cinched up his kimono, which was cold 
now wherever it touched his skin. 
“Come inside.” 

Gus slipped his hands, in bright red 


cotton gloves, out of his pockets long 
enough to unfasten and pull back his 
hood. Underneath he wore a woolen 
watch cap that covered his ears. He 
hunched his shoulders and bent his 
neck left and right to pop his verte- 
brae. But his flat expression never 
changed. He fixed his dull gray eyes on 


. “Let's pick it over 
tea—or coffee. I have water on the 
boil.” He motioned with his arm, but 
Gus didn't budge. So Walt tried to step 
around him on the narrow path, but 
Gus leaned over to block him 

“Actually,” said Cus, “here will do.” 

"Don't be absurd, man," said Walt. 
He turned and walked to the other side 
of the cabin. He would have liked to 
run, so thoroughly chilled he was by 
now, but that might be interpreted as 
fear. In any case, Gus had cut around 
front and was waiting for him next to 
the woodpile. 

Walt stepped right up to him and 
said, “Are you mad?" and tried to shove 
past him. But the big man easily 
pushed him to the snow-packed 
ground. Walt shivered, from the cold, 
from sudden anger, not from fear. He 
got up and said, "You're behaving stu- 
pidly, I hope you realize." He feigned a 
lunge to Gus' right and tried to dart 
around hisleft. but Gus crouched like a 
goalie in front of the cabin to block 
him. "That does it," said Walt. "You've 
taken your little stunt too far" He 
balled his stiff hands into fists and tried 
to hit Gus, but he connected only with 
pillow-thick clothing. Gus pushed him 
1o the ground again. 

Walt stood up, refastened his ki- 
mono and said, “I shall have you ar- 
rested.” He walked around the wood- 
pile, wading through deep snow, and 
came out on the driveway next to the 
Subaru. Meanwhile, Gus matched his 
progress via the path, and when Walt 
climbed into the driver's seat and 
slammed the car door, Gus sat down on 
the cabin porch a few yards away. 

Walt couldnt bend his fingers, 
couldn't feel them. He used them like 
screwdrivers attached to the ends of his 
arms to jab the door locks. The little 
car shook with his shivering. American 
men, he thought, are so bloody primi- 
tive over their women. 

Walt hugged himself, tucked his 
hands under his arms and shivered. 
His feet hurt. That much was true, at 
least. He hadn't even noticed his hands 
go, but his feet were freezing painfully. 

Walt glanced through the car win- 
dow at Gus, who was refastening his 
parka hood. Gus saluted him and 
buried his hands deep into his pockets. 
Dressed as he was, Gus could take a 
nap there if he liked. Still—there must 


be something Walt could do. He won- 
dered if his car keys were in his trouser 
pocket. Then he noticed them dan- 
gling from the ignition of the steering 
column. Of course! But as he grappled 
with the ignition he realized the car 
had been sitting out at minus 40 de- 
grees. The motor cil was toffee, the en- 
gine a block of ice; it would never start. 
And indeed, when he managed to turn 
the key, there were three or four metal- 
lic clicks, then nothing. Bloody hell! 

Gus, when Walt looked at him, 
shrugged his shoulders. 

There must be something, thought 
Walt. He crawled between the bucket. 
seats to the back and rummaged 
through the cargo compartment. The 
emergency kit! He pulled the nylon 
athletic bag into the backseat with him 
and, with clawlike hands, unzipped it. 
Inside were woolen hats and gloves, an 
old vinyl mackintosh and a thin tar- 
tan blanket. That'sall? He had packed 
this kit for an emergency somewhere 
warmer and damper. Still, it was some- 
thing. He wrestled himself into the 
raincoat, covered himself with the 
blanket, stuffed the woolen hats be- 
neath his kimono and draped the ny- 
lon bag over his boots. He could not 
put on the pair of gloves. His purple 
fingers kept jamming together. But he 
managed, using his teeth, to pull on a 
pair of mittens. These he held up to the 
window to show Gus, who nodded his 
compliments. 

As bundled up as possible, Walt sat in 
the backseat of the Subaru and consid- 
ered his options. The first option was 
to stay where he was until Gus got 
bored and left. There was a problem 
with this option. 

Walt marveled at the calm lucidity of 
his thought process, his lack of panic or 
desperation. Was this the stiff upper lip 
he had always suspected he possessed, 
the cool head under fire? Or was it— 
despite his expensive wolverine hat— 
the effects of a cooling brain? 

The second option was to run. If Gus 
allowed him. Running would warm 
him up, too. But run where? The near- 
est cabin was two miles away, and it be- 
longed to Gus. 

She'd be there, of course, glad he 
stopped by. We have all afiernoon, she 
would say; let's go skiing, She would 
lead the way, kick-stepping up the ski 
trail with her long legs. She'd stop and 
wait for him, laughing with rosy 
cheeks. Her black hair would smell 
of woodsmoke. I'll turn off the light. 
she would say. Care for a drink? Let's 
get cozy. 

Walt felt cozy. He noticed he'd 
stopped shivering. The blanket, thin as 
it was, must be doing the trick. And his 

(continued on page 152) 


PLAYBOY’S 


AUTOMOTIVE 
REPORT 


a quintet of auto mavens joins indycar driver willy t. ribbs to pick 
this year's hottest wheels; plus, playboy's 1994 car of the year 


article by KEN-GRO$$ 


Motors and Ford are running hot with new versions of 

old classics such as the Camaro and the Mustang, and 
Chrysler’s sporty Neon subcompact is certain to challenge 
Saturn and Honda. Undaunted, the imports are battling 
back with their best shots. There are so many new models 
to choose from, even experts are befuddled. PLAYBOY once 
again assembled a panel of automotive gurus to assess the 
best 1994 cars in a variety of categories. And for the fourth 
consecutive year, as part of our annual new-car review, we 
present Playboy's Car of the Year award. The winner is pic- 


| T'S A RENAISSANCE YEAR for American carmakers. General 


tured overleaf, Enjoy the ride. Hottest Pocket Rocket: With 
the availability of so many pint-size-yet-potent cars, our pan- 
elists tied in the voting. "Lighter weight and major steering 
and handling improvements make the Celica GT the nifti- 
est ride this side of $20,000,” said Motor Trend editor-at- 
large Don Sherman. PLAvBov Contributing Editor Ken Gross 
agreed, calling the Celica "a junior Supra for half the 
price, with the looks and nearly all the punch of its older 
brother." USA Today auto editor James R. Healey thought 
the Acura Integra GS-R was “a sweet piece of work—almost 
German—with the world's (text continued on page 154) 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY RICHARD izur 


Our fourth annual Playboy Car of the Year award and accompanying bronze statu 
stunning Camaro Z28 convertible. “Those razor-sharp body panels conceal a slight 


speed automatic, this ragtop will rumble. Nail the throttle for a five-second zero: 0 
haust system are just a few decibels short of a ticket." Priced at about $25,000, the Cai 


Chevrolet's Comoro is celebrating its 27th year. With the dramatic 
looks, V8 muscle and crisp handling of the latest edition—the Z28 con- 
vertible—Comaros will be turning heads well inta the next century. 


twice as much. (The Camaro's top end is about 150 mph. Not that you'll ever see it, of course.) Gas-charged shocks, power rack- 
and-pinion steering and o much stiffer body greatly improve handling. Big faur-wheel ventilated power disc brakes with ABS are 
standard, as are twin air bags. The Camaro's fully lined, electrically operated top has a heated-glass rear window. When the top 
is folded, a three-piece tonneau cover keeps everything neat. Motor Trend editor-at-large Don Sherman calls the Z28 convertible 
“the sweetest-looking automobile on the market.” Congratulations to Chevrolet for revitalizing this great American classic. 


ILLUSTRATIONEN DAVIO HODGES 


A Ring in Her Navel 


body piercing has gone way beyond earrings, and our 
fearless reporter goes close up to bring you the story 


article by Vicki Glembocki 


Wally Kennedy, host of AM Philadelphia, while I sat in the 

heat of the lights as a guest on his morning talk show. With- 
out a thought, I untucked my shirt and wedged down my belt to show 
viewers across the Philadelphia area the silver ring through the skin 
above my navel. Of course, 1 couldn't see those people, but 1 could see 
the three cameramen, eyes glued on my stomach as they zoomed in— 
the same men who, minutes before, had instinctively crossed their legs 
when I explained the popularity of genital piercing. I had to laugh. 
There I was, a 21-year-old Penn State English major, born and raised 
in dreary Erie, exposing my bare skin on live TV during ratings week, 
as the supposed expert on body piercing. What a long strange trip it 
had been since I first stepped into the Forbidden Fruit Body Piercing 
Salon in State College, Pennsylvania. 


W OULD YOU MIND showing us the ring in your navel?” asked 


A slew of sorority girls appeared the day I went there to watch the 
man from Philly get his penis pierced. The bell on the door jingled as 
they marched in, two by two, all wearing their Greek-lettered sweat- 
shirts inside out. Only one of them was getting tattooed—another spe- 
cialty of the salon. It was the girl in black-and-white harlequin stretch 
pants with a plastic cast on her left shin. The other six just followed in 
a pack a few steps behind her as she browsed the thousands of multi- 
colored tattoos covering every inch of the walls. They followed her 
through the display room, talking about who went to whose party 
last night and who hooked up with whom, and how the girl getting 
tattooed had partied so hard the night before that they couldn't be- 
lieve she'd actually made it to the tattoo parlor by two o'clock, much 
less at all. 

“He's a little nervous,” the assistant, Ginie Buckley, 19, whispered as 
she crossed from the piercing room to the black leather couch where 
I had been waiting. She wore a sharp felt flapper hat that I wished 
were mine. The head of the pink and green lizard tattooed on her 
chest crept over the neckline of her blouse when she leaned forward 
to light her Salem. Ginie didn't think it would be cool for me to ob- 
serve the piercing. 

“He's old,” Ginie announced while exhaling. 

“How old?” 

"Like 45, I think.” She said he had spent (continued on page 118) 


A 


84 


4 Treasury of Cole 


a gallery of drawings by jack cole, pıavsov’s definitive cartoonist of the fifties 


JACK COLE'S first cartoon for PLAYBOY appeared in our fifth is- 
suc. Cole quickly came to define rLarboy's visual humor. He 
had begun drawing features and adventure strips in the 
Thirties and Forties, the most famous of which was his witty 
parody of superheroes, Plastic Man—a begoggled, rubbery 
fighter of crime and corruption. But Cole's penchant for the 


“On second thought, Mr. Birmingham, I'll buy 
you the Cadillac!” 


outré made him a likely target of comic book censorship in 
the carly Fifties, and he turned to a young, upstart publica- 
tion that was most receptive to his humor. That change in 
venue resulted in memorable appearances in PLAYBOY, at 
least one full-page drawing per issue. The artist died pre- 
maturely in 1958, leaving us the exceptional gift of his wit. 


“Ohio casts fifty-seven—make that 


fifty-eight votes for . . .” 


“I ain't got no bod-eee . . ." 


“You mean all the way “Son, if you can stop seducing women for five minutes, 
from 23rd Street to Central Park?” Td like to tell you about the bees and flowers." 


a > 


-A - / 
x” 


“The butler did it.” 


“The D.A. had my phone tapped . . . . 
now he's up here every night.” 


“Tell Sir Herbert the rescue party should reach him 
in three days and ask him if there is anything 
else he wants immediately.” 


“Oh, I couldn't, Colonel Harwick—it might 
rum my amateur standing.” 


“Well, there’s history repeating itself.” 


“He wants to make an honest woman of me. 
He asked me to return the mink coal.” 


“Here’s one ambassador, if they want to 
recall, they'll have to come and get!” 


88 "Fake it." 


"You've got a pretty fair line-up here, Abdul, but the trouble is, you lack depth. Nou, if I were you 
Td trade off one or two of your veterans for some promising young rookies. That way you'll have plenty of reserve 
strength in case any of your first stringers give oul and have to lay off for a while.” 89 


meet julie lynn cialini, a long 
playmate for a short month 


horse she has only just met. We were valking along Michigan Av- 

enue in Chicago, and she charged right up and kissed the car- 
riage-pulling nag on the nose while Dolly's driver shivered with cold— 
or perhaps envy. Miss February is definitely a soft touch when it comes 
to animals. When modeling jobs take her away from her Rochester, 
New York home—and her five cats—she takes on surrogate pets. In 
Milan she supplied food every day for a homeless pooch; in Miami 
Beach she adopted a cat. "I get upset when I'm in Miami because 
there are so many strays,” she says. "Someday, when my career takes 


ll 1, DOLLY, hello, horsey, how's my girl?” Julie Lynn Cialini coos to a 


Precious 
Jules 


off, I want to try to make things better for animals." Miss 
February loves another canine species: the underdog. Her 
own life has been a triumph over tough times. Her parents 
divorced when she was nine, and Julie and her two sisters 
were raised by their mother. "Mom did a great job, but she 
had to work hard. She took out a second mortgage on the 
house just to raise us," she recalls. School was no joy, either. 


"My high school was clannish,” Julie says. "Either you were 
somebody or you were nobody. It brought me down, be- 
cause I was never part of the in crowd." Ah, but living well— 
and looking good—are the best revenge. "I started filling 
out after high school,” she says. "I was so skinny back then." 
Last year, when she went to her five-year reunion, "I got all 
decked out, looked just about the best I could—and all eyes 


When Miss February was a tyke she loved ta ice-skate: "But | hod to wear double-bladed skates, and kids used to make fun of me.” 
These guys from the Rochester Americans, Julie's favorite minor-league hockey team, sure aren't laughing. She shoots, she scores! 


wel c on wa like to be the center of attention," she a 


mits. "That's why I love modeling so much. It makes me feel good about myself." These days 
Julie has reason to feel good. The jobs are coming fast and furious. And now there's the pic- 
torial before you. “I'm really excited about being Miss February,” she says. “I hope I can be 

dy's Valentine Day present.” Great, Julie—just skip the wrapping. —BOB DAILY 


What's wrang with these pic- 
tures? No stuffed animals. " 
need ta sleep with same- 
thing cuddly,” she says. "I'm 
just a big baby sametimes.” 


PLAYMATE DATA SHEET 


NAME: Julie L Mm alini 


BUST: ohian, WAIST: f ed 
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BEST HEART-POUNDING EXPERIENCE: 


15 stories w e Nothing PEATE Wea. = 


othing bat m cid Kini, 


WORST HEART-POUNDING EXPERIENCE: 


a EE Ne eS e le 
-à Stingcay brushed across my ankle : 
HOW TO E maaro e e QR CC, be. romantic 


be Yourself, dont E to be a hotshot- 
mr definitely be lot 


Free. at EEJ [ The Bud Babes i pinner wM Oonglg 
foe al! 


Graduation Day 1988 My Sister i$ on mp + Marla Map 


PLAYBOY'S PAHTY JOKES 


Say, AL" one club member asked another, 
"how come Rick’s not your doubles partner 
anymore?" 

“Would you be a partner with a guy who's 
always late, never repays loans, blames you for 
every lossand tries to screw both your wife and 
your daughter?" 

‘Of course not.” 
“Well, neither would Rick.” 


A man walked into a cowboy bar and ordered 
a beer just as President Clinton came on the 
TV. Afiera few sips, he looked up at the screen 
and mumbled, "Now there's the biggest 
horse's ass I've ever seen." Immediately, a cus- 
tomer at the end of the bar got up, walked 
over, decked him and left. 

A few minutes later, the man was finishing 
his beer when Hillary Clinton appeared on the 
TV. "She's a horse's ass, too," he said. A cus- 
tomer from the other end of the bar got up, 
walked over and knocked him off his stool. 

" the man said, climbing back up 
"This must be Clinton country." 

"Nope, the bartender replied. "Horse 

country." 


After entering the offices of the local newspa- 
per, a man handed the clerk a classified ad that 
read, "$1000 cash reward for wife's brown- 
and-white tabby. No questions asked." 

“Geez,” the clerk exclaimed. “Don't you 
think that's excessive for a cat?" 

"Not for this one," the man replied. "I 
drowned the damn thing two weeks ago." 


In the days before the pill, a bride asked her 
gynecologist to recommend the best contra- 
ceptives. He suggested she try withdrawal, 
douches and condoms. 

Several years later, the woman was walking 
in the mall with three young children when 
she happened to meet her old doctor. "I see 
you didn't take my advice,” he said, eyeing the 
trio of youngsters. 

“Oh, yes I did, doctor,” she insisted. "Davey 
here was a pullout, Darcy was a washout, and 
Megan over there was a blowout.” 


We hear Pee-wee Herman finally ventured 
back to a movie theater to see— you guessed 
it— Free Willy. 


The locals suspected the unmarried town flirt, 
Bobbi Jean, of carrying on an affair with Ho- 
race, a red-haired married farmer. She swore 
the rumors were untrue, but the stories per- 
sisted, much to Horace's ress. 

When Bobbi Jean became pregnant, the 
whole town buzzed with talk that Horace was 
the father, but she vehemently denied it. 
Months later, a red-haired boy was born after 
48 hours of intense, painful labor. One of the 
town busybodies took one look at the child and 
flatly insisted that Horace must have been the 
father. 

"Don't be stupid,” Bobbi Jean retorted. “If 
that were Horace's kid, he wouldn't have taken 
so long to come.” 


Have you seen the new Heidi Fleiss doll? You 
buy the doll, she gets you another doll 


A wolf whistle stopped the two female Army 
officers in their tracks. “I'll handle this,” the 
captain said to the lieutenant, turning to face 
the offending soldier. She lectured him on 
women's rights, military protocol and his lack 
of fitness for membership in the armed ser- 
vices. “Have you anything to say for yourself?” 
she concluded 

"No. ma'am.” he stammered. “Only that 1 
wasn't whistling at you.” 


x ee 


JA 


Two old friends stopped for a drink after 
work. “I don't lerstand,” Cindy com- 
plained. “People take an instant dislike to me 
when they find out I'm a lawyer. Why would 
thcy do that?" 

"Maybe," her companion suggested, "it just 
saves time." 


Heard a funny one lately? Send it on a post- 
card, please, to Party Jokes Editor PLAYBOY, 
680 North Lake Shore Drive, Chicago, Ilinois 
60611. $100 will be paid to the contributor 
whose card is selected, Jokes cannot le returned. 


"I can't believe you girls don’t know each other.” 


104 


WHO SNEAKS OIL 


SELLS MISSILE PARTS TO 


TIVE THE JUSTICE DEPARTMENT CAN'T, OR WON'T, 


BOY PROFILE 


BY JIM HOUGAN 


IRAN? MARC RICH 


of Do 


LIGHT SNOW FALLS through the darkness 
as a gray Mercedes glides out of the 
driveway of one of the oldest and most 
spectacular mansions in Switzerland. 
As the car winds its way into the moun- 
tains above the lake, windshield wipers 
brushing at the snow, a man in a black 
cashmere coat and a dark blue suit sits 
in a cone of light in the backseat, read- 
ing. Not far behind, a chase car flirts 
with the Mercedes' rear bumper, surg- 
ing closer and closer, then falls back. 
Inside, three Israeli bodyguards scan 
the road, alert for the possibility of a 
bounty hunter's ambush or a terrorist's 
kidnapping. 

"The man in the Mercedes is at once 
honored and infamous. There is a fel- 
lowship at Oxford University in his 
name, and his foundation disburses 
millions to worthy causes. Despite this, 
indeed, despite all the good he's done, 
he remains a fugitive, wanted by the 
FBI, Customs, the IRS, U.S. Marshals 
and Interpol. Should he be caught and 
convicted, he could face more than 300 
years in prison. 

It would be helpful, then, to know 
what he is reading as he leans back in 
the leather seat, engulfed by darkness, 
luxury and paranoia. At five A.M. it i 
too early for the newspapers; they'll be 


waiting on his desk when he arrives at 
the blue glass cube that is his office 
building. But there are the late-night 
faxes, certainly, and it may well be that 
among them is a message from one of 
his lawyers—the best that money can 
buy. It could be a note from Leonard 
Garment, then, or Brad Reynolds or— 
perhaps not. 

Perhaps it's a message from his 
bustling Moscow office, or a copy of 
the most recent missive from the secret 
police of the mineral-rich republic of 
Kazakhstan. For nearly a year, rene- 
gade Kazakh spooks have been quietly 
distributing diatribes against him to 
the press, accusing him of a host of 
crimes in an effort to discredit his com- 
pany and sabotage his business. 

And in Moscow itself, ultranationalist 
newspapers have published articles al- 
leging that his commodities business is 
a front for laundering drug money. He 
denies the allegation, but it has its be- 
lievers. His companies have an annual 
turnover of more than $3 billion per 
year in what was formerly the Soviet 
Union, so the man in the Mercedes be- 
strides the disintegrating Russian econ- 
omy like a sumo wrestler on a pony. 
Considering the stakes, it is hardly sur- 
prising that business rivals would stoop 


ILLUSTRATION BY DAMO LEVINE 


INTO SERBIA? SPIRITS GOLD OUT OF RUSSIA? 


IS WHO—THE FUGI- 


BRING DOWN 


Ll C 


to slander in an cffort to knock him off. 

Then again, he may be studying the 
numbers. As in: How many tons of 
aluminum are stored in his Rotter- 
dam and Singapore warehouses? How 
many board feet of timber were taken 
from his forests in Chile last month? 
How many tons of light crude petrole- 
um are moving across the oceans in his 
tankers? 

A Belgian-born American with Span- 
ish and Israeli citizenship (and a pend- 
ing application to Switzerland), the 
man in the Mercedes is Marc Rich, a 
billionaire over and over again, and 
one of only a handful of people who 
might reasonably be called, in novelist 
‘Tom Wolfe's parlance, a “master of the 
universe.” Unlike Wall Street wheeler- 
dealers who trade in the abstractions of 
futures contracts, stocks and bonds, 
Rich is a player on the periodic table it- 
self, buying and selling strategic quan- 
tities of the world's raw materials—its 
very elements—as well as more com- 
plex compounds (sugar, soybeans, oil, 
government officials). He is a titan in 
the business of wholesaling the plan- 
ets natural resources to the highest 
bidders. 

He owns or controls oil wells in Rus- 
sia, mines in (continued on page 108) 


OwBov BOOTS have found a 
[e home off the range, and cap-toe 
dodhoppers, military lace-ups and an- 
kle-high Chelsea styles are showing up 
where only brogues, wing tips and slip- 
ons once trod. In fact, boots are being 
worn with just about everything from 
dinner jackets to baggy denim shorts. 
(Troy Aikman wore black leather cow- 
boy boots with a tuxedo in our Quarter- 
back Chic fashion feature last month.) 
But whatever the look, take time to 
find a pair of boots that really fits. For 
maximum comfort, your heel should 
move up and down slightly in the back, 
and the boot's interior should be 
smooth and scamless. And if rugged 
workman-style boots work best for you, 


make sure that they're fully waterproof. 


Our guy's well-shod wordrobe includes the 
calfskin cowboy boots, by Attitude for Pop 
Cowboy, $275, that he's weoring, plus 
{from left to right) leother military boots 
with rubber lug soles, by Georgia Boot, 
about $100; nubuck waterproof hiking 
boots with cushioned insoles, by Dexter, 
$110; mot leother, double monk-strap 
chukka boots with lug soles, by Kenneth 
Cole, $154; colfskin cap-toe boots, by Im- 
pulse for Steeplegate, $115; cily nubuck 
engineer boots with buckle straps, by Din- 
go, $125; and suede Chelsea boots with 
elastic side ponels, by Poul Smith, $235. 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY RICHARD ZU. 


By HOLLIS WAYNE GETTI NG 
THE BOOT 


rough, 
rugged and 
right—slide 
your feet 
into these 


Where & How to Buy on poge 145. 


PLAYBOY 


KING f the worl (continued from page 104) 


“The director of an intelligence network that has 


followed Rich for years says, ‘Marc owns Peru. 


2» 


Peru and electrical supplies in Eng- 
land. There are refineries in Romania, 
office buildings in Spain and smelters 
in Australia, Iran, Sardinia and West 
Virginia. He has 40 offices and 1300 
employees throughour the world and is 
simultaneously the uncontested em- 
peror ofaluminum, a prince of sugar, a 
shogun of soy, a mover and shaker of 
the world's markets in nickel, lead, 
zinc, tin, chrome, magnesium, copper 
and coal 

One could go on. The managing di- 
rector of a private intelligence network 
in the U.K., one that has followed Rich 
for more than a decade on behalf of 
a secretive Arab dient, says bluntly, 
“Marc owns Peru,” and this isn’t so hard 
to believe. With an annual turnover in 
excess of $30 billion, Marc Rich & Co. 
AG has a larger turnover than the 
GNPs of many Third World coun- 
tries—including the two dozen whose 
economies are said to be entirely with- 
in his hands. 

Perhaps he is reading /zvestia, faxed 
from the Moscow office. He would 
agree that the Russian newspaper has 
behaved responsibly in the past, de- 
fending him against the U.S. Justice 
Department in a front-page editorial. 
But now, in the new Russia, the news- 
paper has actually opened its pages to 
investigative reporters and other id- 
iot. Only recently, Zzvestia reported 
that a $750,000 reward had been of 
fered by the U.S. for Rich’s capture, 
while suggesting that he was somehow 
responsible for the export of 700,000 
tons of high-quality fuel oil, purchased 
for a fraction of its cost. His profit was 
estimated to be between $48 million 
and $400 million. 

There are other allegations, of 
course, and a blizzard of rumors. It is 
said by one of his competitors, for ex- 
ample, that Rich has corrupted execu- 
tives at the Finnish national oil compa- 
nyand that he's using them to plunder 
their country's economy. 

Trade unionists in Romania accuse 
Rich of having banked the fortune that 
Nicolae Ceausescu stole, and a free- 
lance spook in what was formerly Ollie 
North's apparat insists that Rich 
worked hand-in-glove with the Com- 
munist Party of the Soviet Union to 
loot the U.S.S.R. of its gold reserves 
during the Eighties. The Senate For- 
eign Relations Subcommittee on Ter- 
rorism, Narcotics and International 


108 X Relations has called for an investiga- 


tion of Rich's connections to the infa- 
mous and now defunct BCCI. 

And so it goes. In Amsterdam, the 
anti-apartheid Shipping Research Bu- 
reau accuses Rich of busting UN sanc- 
tions against South Africa. In New 
York, the authoritative Platt's Oilgram 
News reports that he made oil ship- 
ments into Serbia at the same time the 
UN was preparing a blockade against 
the rapacious country. In London, Pri- 
vate Eye suggests the billionaire has 
been trying to violate similar embar- 
goes imposed by the UN against Iraq. 

But what do they know? Can anyone 
really be all that bad? (Can anyone re- 
ally be all that rich?) 

The rumors fall like snow past the 
windows of the Mercedes. But Marc 
Rich isn't reading rumors. He knows 
the truth, and if he doesn't, he can pay 
to have it found. Perhaps, for instance, 
he's reading the report that he com- 
missioned on a question of some delica- 
cy—the report on the provenance of 
his blonde German girlfriend. Avner 
Azulay, an Israeli private eye. was hired 
by Rich to find out (among other 
things) if the woman's family was pro- 
Nazi during the war. The detective's 
report brought welcome news. 

And so the man in the Mercedes can 
relax. It's almost dawn in the Alps, he 
hasn't been snatched and his girlfriend 
is clean. What more could a man want? 


What, indeed? 

To understand who Marc Rich is, we 
need to know how one of the most 
powerful men in the world came to be 
a prisoner in paradise and a capitalist 
in flight. 

Born in Antwerp in 1934, Rich (née 
Reich) came to the U.S. with his par- 
ents in 1942. With the war in Europe 
behind them, they seuled in Kansas 
City, Missouri, where Rich's father 
opened the Petty Gem Shop and 
earned a modest income. Rich attend- 
cd public schools (where he seems to 
have made no impression whatsoever 
on his classmates), joined the Boy 
Scouts and went to summer camp in 
the Ozarks. (One of his tentmates was 
writer Calvin Trillin, who remembers 
Marc as "the quietest kid at Camp 
Osceola.") 

To have been a Jew in Kansas City in 
the Forties (and one, moreover, who 
spoke three languages while süll a 


child) could not have been easy. But he 
didn't live there for long. The Petty 
Gem Shop prospered and became the 
diversified Rich Merchandising Co., 
which Rich's father soon sold at a nice 
profit. In 1950 the family moved to 
New York, where the elder Rich en- 
tered into a partnership to manufac- 
ture burlap bags. With the Korean War 
shifting into overdrive, this proved to 
be a brilliant stroke: Military require- 
ments pushed the demand for burlap 
through the roof, and the family's for- 
tune was made. 

By then, Marc was enrolled at New 
York University. But as a sophomore, 
he was lured away from school by an 
acquaintance of his father's, who want- 
ed him to apprentice as a commodities 
trader at Philipp Brothers. 

In 1954 Philipp Brothers was the 
biggest raw-materials trading company 
in the world, bridging the gap between 
mining and manufacturing companies 
on five continents. Established by 
scrap-metal merchants in Hamburg 
during the 1890s, the firm had ex- 
panded to England and the U.S. in the 
years before World War One. By World 
War Two it had become a giant with 
enormous influence in the Third 
World. 

Rich began to learn the metals-han- 
dling business while working in the 
traffic department at Philipp Brothers. 
Like many of the other apprentices, he 
was the son of Jewish refugees. Unlike 
them, he'd grown up in Kansas City 
surrounded by goyim. His father was a 
millionaire who was well-connected at 
Philipp Brothers itself. Marc wore suits 
that the others couldn't afford, and he 
came to work in a red MG TD that 
seemed to instill envy in all who saw it. 

Four years aficr leaving NYU, Rich 
was given his first assignment abroad. 
Sent to Havana on the eve of the 
Cuban revolution, he found himself in 
a vortex of decadence and corruption. 
It was a place where almost nothing 
worked except the bribe, which always 
worked. Rich got the company's metal 
out of Cuba and was sent out into the 
world to make even more money for 
Philipp Brothers. He began to travel 
constantly between New York and La 
Paz, Cape Town and Santiago, taking 
time out to get married in 1966. His 
wife is the beautiful, almond-eyed 
Denise Eisenberg, a New Englander 
who, like her husband, was the child of 
Jewish refugees who'd made a fortune 
in America after the war. Unlike Marc, 
however, Denise was a rock-and-roller. 
He lived in a world of boardrooms 
dominated by patriarchal millionaires; 
she was a junk-food addict who loved 
the movies and who was as driven to 
make it as a pop star as her husband 

(continued on page 143) 


uM 


eee 
ma 


ajos 


“Gosh, thanks, but I'm not actually the lady of the house. She's in 
Toledo visiti ik 


Tab TEAR 


= HEIDI, SHOW US YOUR HO'S 
—— ES Tinseltown trembled as purported madam to the stars Heidi Fleiss, busted 
= for pandering and drug possession, hinted she might tattle on her clien- 
A tele. Victoria Sellers (right) stuck up for her pal, accompanying Heidi 
to her arraignment, but one skittish studio exec disavowed 
involvement even before the charges 
were announced. Billy Idol went on TV 
to tell Jay Leno that he has never paid 
for sex, and a spokesman for Charlie 
Sheen reportedly claimed the actor 
hadn't endorsed those 18 traveler's 
checks cops found at Heici's place— } 
once owned by Michael Douglas, who 
(you guessed it) denied 
being a patron. 


NUDE DUDE VIEWED LEWD 
Andrew "Naked Guy" Mar- 
tinez’ habit of strolling the Uni- 
versity of California's Berkeley 
campus starkers motivated 
the school to outlaw nudity 
and expel him, sparking First 
Amendment protests (below). 
Berkeley city fathers then en- 
acted a similar ban, duly chal- 
lenged by Andy (right), whose 
guilty plea got him probation. 


BAREFOOT BOY WITH CHEEKS 
Moon rhymes with June and also cartoon: Bart 
Simpson proves it, making the befuddled Homer 
and Marge endure another juvenile wise crack. 


110 


a wry salute to hollywood 


hookers, gender benders, 
randy royals and all those 


guys who can’t say no 


ONCE IN LOVE WITH AMY... . 

Talk about media overkill: The Amy 
Fisher-Joey Buttafuoco saga, in which 
Amy was jailed for trying to off Mrs. B., 


ar M spawned three TV movies, a comic 

j book, even trading cards. After more 

TODAY'S IN-FLIGHT MOVIE IS. ... q than a year of denials. Joey admitted 
Too chicken to do it on Delta? The cl he had boffed the teenager after all. 


aeronautically amorous can rent a 

discreetly piloted Cessna from Flori- 

da's Mile High Club (whose slogan 
is "We fly for love and it shows”). SO MARY GIRLS, SO LITTLE TIME 

Julio Iglesias, explaining why he hadn't provided a blood sample in a pa- 

ternity case: "I wouldn't have time to sing if | had to take a 

blood test every time a girl said | got her 


DON'T ASK, DON'T TELL 
Barbie's new beau, 
Earring Magic Ken—a 
gay blade— 
sports what ap- 
pearstobea 
cock ring on 
asilver 

thread 

around his 
neck. "Ab- 
solutely 

not," claims 

a Mattel 
spokeswoman. 
"it's a neck- 
lace." Maybe 
she's right. Al- 
though a Mattel 
survey suggest- 
ed that girls 
would like Ken 
"to look a little 
cooler," he re- 
mains anatomi- 
cally incorrect. 


THAT SMARTS! 
No pain, no train? Finding a condom in 
her husband's jacket, a Moscow wife 
decided to teach him a lesson. Dous- 


ing the rubber with pepper, she re- 
sealed it and returned it to his pocket. A 
local clinic subsequently treated the 
philanderer for a badly swollen penis. 


LET'S GET NAKED—NOT! 

The latest trend in magazines appears to be the coy cover-up. 
None of the others, however, can hold a candle to Spy's spoof of 
Tina Brown, now the editor of the new—and sexier—New Yorker. 


WANKERS AWEIGH 
Despite Navy vows to prosecute the perpetrators 
SHE ENJOYS BEING A GIRLIE . in Tailhook’s sexual harassment scandal, more 


hall hi 
Critics say she's losing it, but 72,000 fans packed Lon- Bn J 3 a ee 


don's Wembley Stadium for Madonna's Girlie Show, 
which, hype promised, would “put a lump in your 
throat and perhaps in your trousers.” Police in Toron- 
to, where she was once busted for obscenity, said 
they'd pass this time: Nothing's 

obscene there any- 


more, it seems. A 


ME | 
BEFORE I 
SCREW AGAIN | 


ZORBA GOES 

TO SEED 

At 78, Anthony 
Quinn (here prov- 
ing that he loves 
art, too) has fa- 
thered his fourtn 
child out of wed- 
lock, irking his wife J 
of 29 years. = 


BRANFORD’S 

BRIEFS 

ENCOUNTER 

After losing a Super Bowl 
wager to band member 
Kevin Eubanks, The 
Tonight Show's Branford 
Marsalis stripped to biki- 
ni bra and leopard-skin 
briefs on camera, break- 
ing up host Jay Leno. 


THE LOVE THAT 


WON'T SHUT UP OR 

GIRLS WILL BE GIRLS 

Lesbian chic was in 
AND SHE DID the headlines as 
Cable TV magazines, news- 
Stripper papers and TV pro- 


Robin Byrd grams dedicated 

baama om of space to the same- 
sex lifestyle of fe- 

Hera males. Gays and 

EE lesbians marched 

MITES on Washington, 

failed to gain marketers wooed 

enough sig- homosexuals as poten- 

natures to get tial customers, and many 

on the ballot. women, among them d 

singer k.d. lang (quoted 

in Vanity Fair, near right), y A 


came out of the closet. 


AND THE WINNER IN THE CATEGORY OF BEST ACTOR 1H A FEMALE ROLE IS. . . . 

Is she is or is he ain't? It's hard to tell in this age of gender bending. Wherever you turn, 
guys are impersonating gals. Take films: Robin Williams tries to gain access to the off- 
Spring he lost in a child-custody case by masquerading as a nanny 
in Mrs. Doubtfire (below); Quentin Crisp, self-described as "one of 
the stately homos of England," impersonates Queen Elizabeth in 
Orlando (inset); and, in one of the most controversial períormances 
of the year, Jaye Davidson, as a transvestite singer in The Crying 
Game, had millions of moviegoers gasping when "she" revealed a 
full set of male genitalia. Or consider pop, video and the MTV 
awards (towering superdive RuPaul Andre Charles conquered all 
three). Onstage, John Epperson (far right) stars in Lypsinka! A Day 
in the Life. Author Tama (The Male Cross Dresser Support Group) 
Janowitz, bottom right, asked about a published rumor that she had 
been born Tom A. Janowitz, had a spokes- 

woman reply, rather weakly: "It's very personal, 
and | don't feel that it's anybody's business." 


THE POWER AND THE PRIDE] 
Tes » > 


|. pon. san ecu scePr in. 5 
MICHAEL JACKSONS 


SCENT OF A WOMAN 

Following other designers into the fra- 
grance business, Paris couturier Jean 
Paul Gaultier dreamed up a curvaceous, 
corseted perfume botile— 


JUST A LITTLE OFF 
THE TOP, PLEASE 
Veteran stripper Pama 
Powell has opened a 
24-hour topless hair sa- 
lon in Atlanta. For $75, 
customers can get a 
` shampoo, a haircut and 
"«. aglassofwineorbubbly. 


BED AND HE TRIED 
To PET 90027 


STAY TUNED FOR AN INTERVIEW 
WITH BUBBLES THE CHIMP 


bed with young boys. Complicating the picture: a child-custody 
battle, dueling celeb lawyers and a Los Angeles private eye. 


ME 
BEFORE | 
SCREW AGAIN 


BYE-BYE, 

BASER INSTINCTS 
After treatment at the | 
Sierra Tucson Clinic, 
Michael Douglas allegedly said that, 
cured of his addiction to exciting sex, 
he would return to his wife, Diandra. 


Maybe later. For 
now, you may 
remove my 
panties. 


TSCHWING THE BODY ELECTRIC 
We've been hearing for several years that computer sex is the 
coming thing. It took a while, but with the increasing popularity of 
network bulletin boards and interactive CD-ROM discs such as the 
hot-selling Virtual Valerie (above), it may finally be happening. 


FOR SHE'S A 


THE YEAR IN PECS JOLLY STRINGFELLOW 

Something for the girls: With many No longer hangouts for Joe Six- 
apologies to Rodin, thinker Sylvester pack whiling away his lunch hour, 
Stallone became a cover boy au na- topless clubs—such as Stringfel- 
turel. Not coincidentally, Sly had a lows, above—have gone upscale 
new movie coming out at the time. from Texas to New York to London 


WILL LONI GET 
CUSTODY OF THE 
RUG? FILM AT 11 
We've heard all we 
want to about Burt 
Reynolds and Loni 
Anderson, who have 
been battling via 
tabloids and televi- 
sion. Loni claims she 
was faithful during 
their marriage. but 
Burt admits to hav- 
ing had a two-year 
affair with yet anoth- 
er blonde, Tampa 
bar manager Pamela 
Seals (inset photo). 


TALES FROM THE CRYPT 


Life after death turned sleazy for a host of famous folks who be- 
carne subjects of new biographies: Judy Garland is labeled a bi- 
sexual by writer David Shipman; Walt Disney, according to author 
Mark Eliot, had a pathological fear of sex; Marilyn Monroe was, de- 
pending on which book you read, (1) a suicide, (2) killed acciden- 
tally or (3) murdered by politically connected Mob hit men after 
aborting a Kennedy kid; FBI chief J. Edgar Hoover is dragged (in 
more ways than one) from the closet by scribe Anthony Summers; 
George Washington's biographer Thomas A. Lewis dodges ru- 
mors of adultery but brands him a fortune hunter; Marlene Die- 
trich's daughter Maria Riva credits her mom with innumerable 
liaisons (sample: Gertrude Stein, JFK, Yul Brynner, Edith Piaf, 
Maurice Chevalier and Edward R. Murrow); and Howard 
Hughes, according to author Charles Higham, bedded Bette 
Davis, Katharine Hepburn, Rita Hayworth, Cary Grant, Ty- 
rone Power and Randolph Scott, to mention just a few. 


WHAT'S THONG WITH 

THIS PICTURE? 

Arrested as a traffic hazard, 
hot-dog vendor Annette 
Baerman is back on the 
streets of Fort Lauderdale, 
peddling a new message. 


NAKED CAME THE JUMPER 

The second annual Vancouver 
Island nude bungee jump near 
Nanaimo, British Columbia 
drew an estimated 150 male 
and female participants. 


BLUE PROVES 
TRUE BLUE 

Steamy scenes 
such as this from 
TV's NYPD Blue 
had that bluenose 
clergyman Don- 
ald Wildmon yelp- 
ing, but ratings 
went off the wall. 


TOPS OFF FOR TEE TIME 


These lovelies are caddies for Rick's Topless 

Classic, a Houston-area golf tournament that Jon S WEDDING SHAM 
changes sites every year, usually after receiv- ceremony he was 

ing complaints from some irate neighbors. p ne Canillas arms 


ROYALS FLUSHED 
If 1992 was an annus horribilis for Queen 
Elizabeth and her brood, 1993 was worse. 
Spies caught Princess Di skinny-dipping, 
eavesdropped on lovey-dovey chats be- 
tween Prince Charles and gal pal Camilla 
Parker Bowles (in which he expressed a 
desire to live in her knickers) and generally 
provided graphic gossip for the scandal- 
hungry Brit media. On this side of the At- 
lantic, Saturday Night Live's Dana Carvey 
dressed up as a tampon (right) in order to imperson- 
ate one of Chuck's more vivid recorded fantasies. 


THAT REALLY SMARTS! TRUMP 
Claiming marital abuse, The off-again 
Lorena Bobbitt sliced off and on-again ro- 
two thirds of her sleeping mance of Marla 
husband's penis and then Maples and Don- 
tossed it into a field. Res- ald Trump took an- 
cuers located the organ other turn when 
and took it to a hospital, they announced that 
where surgeons (success- she was pregnart with his baby. 
fully, they think) reattached Disputes over a prenuptial agree- 
it. We await the miniseries. mert reportedly ensued, and 
when Tiffany was born in Octo- 
ber, Donald still hadn't got Miss 
Marla to the church on time. 


LOOK, MA, NO BRA 

The folks at Cary's Creations in Bremerton, Wash- 
ington designed Suspend-Hers to help big-bo- 
somed women (cup sizes 
D to K) achieve the no- 
bra look, letting it 
all hang out while 
seemingly defying 
thelaws of 

gravity. 


| JUST KEEPING IN 
ME TOUCH WITH HIS 
BEFORE! | CONSTITUENCY 
FONDLE AGAIN, Oregon Senator and 
" ~~~ diarist Bob Pack- 
wood, formerly a staunch champion of feminist 
causes, found himself facing a Senate inquiry 
when a score of women accused him of unwanted 
sexual advances over a period of some 20 years. 


IN PRAISE OF 
BIGGER WOMEN 
Since skinny waifs 
(e.g., Kristin McMe- 
namy, near left) are 
all the rage in fash- 
ion mags, one 
publication insisted 
that womanly 
Guess model and 
Playmate of the 
Year Anna Nicole 

Smith had had her y 
bosom augment- 

ed. Nah, says 

Anna (far left), 

“it's all mine.” 


PLAYBOY 


118 


Ring in Her Navel «wa from page 82) 


“For a split second, as though I had X-ray vision, I 
swore I saw the silver barbell through his penis.” 


the morning looking at retirement 
complexes. 

“You're shitting me.” I pictured my 
father. Then I pictured a Harley- 
Davidson longhair with chains, boots, 
mirrored sunglasses and a BORN TO RIDE 
tattoo on his flabby bicep, who's into 
whips and chains and the sacrifice of. 
small animals. The second image was 
much more comforting. 

"I've never seen a 45-year-old pe- 
nis,” I whispered to Ginie- 

“I know. Neither have I.” She looked 
at me wide-eyed. "Do you think it's 
wrinkly and smushy and, I don't know, 
like, old-looking?" 

“T guess you'll find out." We started 
to giggle and covered our faces like two 
schoolgirls who'd just heard the word 
penis for the first time. Ginie put out 
her cigarette and went back into the 
piercing room. 

"Ewwwww!" One of the sorority girls 
had discovered the price list on the 
desk by the register. “Ewwwww! People 
can get their penises pierced here. And 
their labia. Look at this.” They all clus- 
tered around. The guy working be- 
hind the counter in a ponytail and 
glasses, with a faded chew-can circle 
worn into his back left pocket, caught 
my eye and nodded toward the bul- 
letin board. 


ATTENTION TATTOOED AND 
PIERCED FOLKS: 

PLEASE DO NOT TEASE THE ANNOYING 
YUPPIE SCUM WHO OCCASIONALLY 
STOP BY TO LOOK AT THE FREAKS AND 
ASK STUPID QUESTIONS AND SAY IDIOT- 
IC THINGS LIKE, "EWW, THAT'S GROSS." 
THESE PEOPLE DO NOT REALLY HAVE 
MUCH OF A LIFE OR IDENTITY AND DO 
NOT YET UNDERSTAND THE MEANING 
OF "INDIVIDUALS." 


The guy behind the counter and I lit 
cigarettes at the same time. 1 heard the 
accordion divider to the piercing room 
slide open and turned to catch a 
glimpse of the 45-ycar-old as he walked 
to the bathroom. He had a well- 
groomed mustache and dark, thick 
eyebrows, a thin layer of straight black 
hair and a bald circle on top. A rectan- 
gle of sweat covered the back of his 
short-sleeved, red-striped buttondown 
oxford. He walked slowly, rather 
leisurely given the circumstances, lean- 
ing forward slightly from the waist. He 
hadn't had it done yet. If I were he, I 
would pee first, too. 

He was preparing for the insertion 


of an ampallang, a puberty rite in 
wibes around the Indian Ocean. The 
ampallang is a tiny barbell-shaped 
piece of surgical steel jewelry that is 
placed horizontally through the center 
of the head of the penis, above the ure- 
thra. It is popular as a sexual device, 
supposedly enhancing sensual plea- 
sure for both partners. The piercing it- 
self requires a lot of physical strength 
on the part of the piercer—17 seconds, 
Ginie said, from the moment the nee- 
dle breaks the first layer of skin until it. 
pierces through the last layer on the 
opposite side. 

I waited after the man returned to 
the piercing room. I waited long 
enough for the sorority girl to pick out. 
the tattoo for her hip: a Dr. Seuss fish. 
like the one in The Cat in the Hat. 1 wait- 
ed long enough for her to get her tat- 
too and leave, her entourage of sisters 
still following behind as if she had be- 
come a kind of cult figure, someone 
who had experienced something worth 
gossiping about at next week's chapter 
meeting. I couldn't imagine her 40 
years later explaining that tattoo to her 
grandchildren. 

Ginie stepped out of the back room, 
winked at me, poured a cup of water 
from the cooler outside the door and 
went back in. Almost immediately she 
came out and lit another cigarette. 

“It bled a lor." 

“Really?” 

“There are a hell of a lot of blood 
vessels down there.” She looked pale. 

“I never thought of it that way." 

After a few minutes, the man 
emerged. He put on his peacoat, said 
thanks to the piercer, Mike Dameron, 
24, and left. He didn't limp, he didn't 
stumble, he just walked like any non- 
penis-pierced person. I was disap- 
pointed that he hadr't talked to me. I 
wanted to know why a normal, run-of- 
the-mill guy would drive from Philly 
on a Saturday to look at retirement 
complexes and get his penis pierced. 

"How's everything in here?" I said as 
I walked into the piercing room, which 
reeked of antiseptic. Mike wiped the 
blood off the old-fashioned dentist's 
chair with a special detergent that sup- 
posedly kills HIV. The lights seemed 
unusually bright for a place where a 
stranger had just exposed his genitals 
to a 24-year-old in Coke-botle glasses 
and long black dreadlocks. 

Mike had his penis pierced a few 
years ago. He got a Prince Albert, a 


ring through the urethra at the base of 
the penis head. The procedure is 
named for the real Prince Albert who, 
according to Modern Primilives, the 
definitive text on the subject, had the 
piercing done "to retract his foreskin 
and keep his member sweet-smelling 
so as not to offend the queen.” Mike's 
piercing was done in a ritualisti 

way he describes only as "primitive." 

I went back out into the display 
room to gather my things, but before I 
could leave, the bells on the door jin- 
gled and the man from Philly re- 
turned. He was carrying a plastic bag 
that, I assumed, contained the hydro- 
gen peroxide, saline solution and rub- 
bing alcohol he would need during the 
healing process. He also needed Baci- 
tracin zinc ointment, which they sell at 
the salon. 

"I heard you wanted to talk to me." 

Suddenly he was looming over me, 
his clothed crotch right in front of my 
face. Fora split second, es though I had 
momentary X-ray vision, 1 swore I saw 
the silver barbell through his penis. I 
tried to focus on his eyes, but I couldn't 
help glancing down. He told me he was 
an engineer and planned to stop on his 
way home in Strasburg to buy a $125 
book—a collection of model railroad 
catalogs—that was 25 percent off at a 
bookstore there. He didn’t want to 
spend too much time avay because he 
was worried about his wife. 

"She had an operation on her face 
"Thursday, sort of a skin thing, and 
she's not supposed to go out. I think 
they told her ten days or two weeks.” 
He had a lazy eyc and spoke in a soft, 
monotone, matter-of-fact voice. He 
didn't take off his coat. 

Istill didn't understand why he'd de- 
cided to have his penis pierced on the 
same day he checked out retirement. 
complexes and drove 20 miles out of 
his way to buy a model railroad book. 
Maybe it was his sacrifice in some eye- 
for-an-eye, tooth-for-a-tooth, pain-love 
pact he'd made with his wife. I wanted 
to explain to him that his recovery time 
would probably be much longer than 
hers and that their agreement, if there 
were one, wasn't such a fair deal. 

“I figured, since my wife's going to 
be laid up for a while, I could take 
some time off, too." 

He said he wasn't in much pain. Al- 
though it had hurt at the time—for on- 
ly 17 seconds—he didn't regret it, but 
he wasn't planning on telling anyone 
other than his wife. This was the first 
piercing he'd had—not even his ears 
were done—and I realized that his rea- 
sons were most likely more personal 
than anything he'd reveal to a college 
student who kept looking at his crotch. 

“I guess it's something I'm sharing 

(continued on page 134) 


“Every year the same old shit—they give only to the Inquisition.” 


Jn 


RECORDING 


nm N 
DO Do 
Mr 


i MN i 
l 


ÁS 


ER 


f there were a trading card for sports- 

caster Chris Berman, the stats would 
read: 6'3", 250 pounds, Brown University; 
covers several pesitions for cable sports net- 
work ESPN; hosts “NFL Gameday,” an 
Emmy-winning Sunday morning pregame 
football show, and "NFL Primetime,” a 
Sunday evening highlight show; during the 
baseball season broadcasts play-by-play and 
wraps up the week's diamond action with 
Sundays “Baseball Tonight.” 

The hulking sportscaster has emerged as 
the star of the ESPN team. He's a recogniz- 
able celebrity among the big names of major- 
league baseball and the NFL. And like every 
successful player in the sportscasting game, 
he has developed a distinctive style: hyper- 
enthusiasm punctuated by shouts of “Back! 
Back! Back! Back!" when a baseball heads 
over the fence, and “Bermanisms,” a lexicon 
of player nicknames (ofien plays on roch- 
and-roll song titles) that he sprinkles liberal- 
ly throughout highlight and play-by-play 
broadcasts. His personal favorites include 
Bert “Be Home” Blyleven, Jin “Two Sil- 
houelles On" Deshaies and Von “Pur 
ple” Hayes. 

Berman is one of the lucky ones who grew 
up to excel in the field he dreamed about as a 
Little boy. He reportedly shouted play-by- 
plays of games in his cum front yard—while 
he was part of the action. His career success 
parallels the explosive growth in America's 
appetite for televised sporis programming. 
The 15-year veleran is also a rarity in the 

sports world, a free 


t agent who's spent 
espn's sports nearly his entire ca- 
i R wer with a single 
maniac ex organization. Dur- 
i ing Berman's rook- 
plains the í ie season at ESPN, 
i he earned $16,500 
pes O ders deua) 
nickname: announcer. 
= S; Contributing 
the impor- Editor Warren Kal- 
hacker talked with 
tance ofthe ^^ Berman at his home 
field, ESPN's head- 
end-zone quarters in Bristol, 
Connecticut. The 
danceand complex is a fante- 
sy camp for sports 
why Women junkies, surround- 
P ed by satellite dishes 
don't get that beam the action 
24 hours a day. 


sports 
gw] 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY ANDREW ECCLES 


‘An evening of 
conversation about 
sports is a tough as- 
signment,” recalls 


Kalbacher in a slightly unconvincing tone. 
“But Berman made it easy. He clearly relish- 
es his favorite subject. In fact, after our two 


long sessions, he left to meet fellow ESPN 
staffers for some late-night sports talk.” 


L 


PLAYBOY: We'll have to lower the vol- 
ume in order to transcribe this inter- 
view tape. Have we stumbled on the 
reason the producers, directors and 
everyone else around here calls you 
Boomer? 

BERMAN: Oh, hell, I've boomed from 
the start. That nickname has been 
around for a long time. I was always 
loud in class. I can't help it, Mom. I'm 
loud. In high school we had a litle ra- 
dio station that could be heard just on 
the campus. I broadcast the football 
games on Saturday afiernoons. Maybe 
I thought the signal would go about a 
quarter mile farther if I yelled loud 
enough. Joe Theismann calls me the 
Boomer of You on the air—to distin- 
guish me from Boomer Esiason. 


2. 


PLAYBOY: You attended prep school and 
graduated from an Ivy League univer- 
sity. Did sportscasting offer an escape 
from the inevitable career in law, med- 
icine or finance? 

BERMAN: No. I never wanted to do any 
of that stuff. I've wanted to be a sports- 
caster ever since I was 12, once I real- 
ized I would not set an Olympic record 
in the 100 meters, wouldn't dunk a bas- 
ketball with great regularity, hit a base- 
ball 450 feet or throw 80-yard touch- 
down passes. I was very dedicated to 
this. Doing this job, I'm staving off re- 
ality for a long time. Maybe forever, if 
I'm fortunate enough. Sports and rock 
and roll both stave off reality. I was nev- 
er quite a normal-path guy. I worked at 
small radio stations—the Bee Gees 
Stayin’ Alive was the big hit the year I 
was on radio—and hoped for my 
break. ESPN gave me a job when it was 
just three weeks old and needed a cou- 
ple of young guys who could speak in 
complete sentences. It never would 
have hired me if it had already been in 
business. 


3. 


rLwBOY: Did Chris Berman, high 
school sportscaster, ever don a jock- 
strap and mix it up on the field? 

BERMAN: I'm not a natural athlete. But 
I'ma jock, so that was enough to make 


ER 


T 


DON S$ 
me all right on the field. 1 was tall. 1 
wasn't this big. I had long legs and long 
arms. I once had good reflexes. I was 
never any star, but | was not the weak 
link in a team. I played high school var- 
sity soccer and basketball. I wouldn't 
say I wasa great thinking man's player, 
but I had a decent understanding of 
team strategies. Actually, I was pretty 


good at soccer. At least [ was doing it. 
But didn't play football. 


a 


PLAYBOY: Are the liberal arts a good 
background for a sportscaster who has 
no personal claim to jock fame? 
BERMAN: 1 majored in history. It’s a 
great background for what I do. I ad- 
vise youngsters that they don't have to 
study communications. They must be 
able to communicate, Study political 
science or English or history, subjects 
in which you need to express yourself 
verbally and in writing. What you need 
to do is get into the best school you can, 
one that has an excellent radio station 
"Today I guess you'd look for both radio 
and cable TV on campus. On my 
fourth day at Brown I got involved at 
the radio station. I eventually became 
the voice of the Brown University Bru- 
ins. I was not on the dean’s list. I'm not 
going to lie about that. On a Thursday 
or Friday night before a Saturday game 
1 would probably be more up on the 
depth chart of Princeton and all the 
Dartmouth numbers than on Roman 
history dates for the big exam Monday 
morning. 


5. 


pLavnov: Player nicknames, usually 
plays on rock-and-roll song titles, have 
become your on-air signature. Discuss 
Bermanisms in the context of Ameri- 
can popular culture. 

BERMAN: Some stick out like sore 
thumbs. Some zing right by. They're 
not all necessarily brilliant. There has 
been debate as to whether any of them 
are. There are some football, hockey 
and a few golf nicknames out there, 
but, by and large, 1 limit them to base- 
ball. The reason they work in baseball 
is historical. There were newspaper 
and radio names for people who never 
saw these players. Ty Cobb was the 
Georgia Peach. The Say Hey Kid— 
Willie Mays. Always happy. There were 
rhymes: Stan "the Man" Musial. Mine 
are more plays on words. And it’s a 


game anybody (continued on page 130) 


121 


LORD BYRON 


byron newman, a modern-day 
english romantic, composes odes 
to the female form 


RITISH photographer Byron Newman 

hasa unique second sight: He can take 
pictures of his own imagination. With the 
eye of a surrealist painter and the skill of 
a technician, Newman generates startling 
fantasy compositions, with women as the 
featured players. 

Newman had a well-established reputation as one of Eu- 
rope's premiere glamour photographers when he became 
a regular contributor to pıaysoy. From his home in Lon- 
don, he has produced half a dozen pictorials and is 
PLAYBOY'S top beauty scout on the other side of the Atlantic. 
"We love Byron's work," says Photography Director Gary 
Cole, "because he's graphically inventive—but he always 
makes the model the most important aspect of his work." 
Newman has had two major influences in his life: his fa- 
ther, a preeminent lepidopterist who inspired his love of 
beauty, and his wife, the stylist Brigitte Ariel, who coordi- 
nates the meticulously planned looks and colors that dis- 
tinguish his work. In the end, though, it all comes down to 
the photographer and his subject. “It’s about more than a 
pretty picture of a girl," says Newman. "There has to be 
trust between the model and me. Then she can project her 
humor, strength and aggressiveness.” 


Newman likes photogrophs thot have an immediote impact ond olso 
work on other levels, such as the ployful keyboord shot obove. At right, 
he took hours to set up his London studio to create o snaky visuol poth 
that leods to a maid whose personol floir puts machines into overdrive. 


For our pictorial on brides (left), Newmon ochieved o passionote juxtoposition by dressing o newlywed in red. There's clossical symme- 
try ot work obove (ot eff) —the curves of o soilor girl resonote with the woves of hills, while the controst of cabbage leoves, nudity and 
violin above right forms o visual sonata. "The hoir curlers,” Newmon soys, “give the superwoman picture [overleof] on element of porodox." 


Many art photographers are ill at ease with the special challenges af 
calor photography. Not so Byran Newman, who emplays brilliant 
bursts and tawny flashes ta guide the viewer's eye thraugh the 
smoke, shadow and intrigue of the arresting images an these pages. 


PLAYBOY 


130 


CHRIS BERMAN 


(continued from page 121) 


“Every day I wore white shoes—like Joe Namath. I 
got a standing ovation in homeroom.” 


can play. Your sense of humor may be 
different from mine. You may not 
think rock and roll, you may think 
food: George "Taco" Bell. You may not 
think what I say is funny. Cur out the 
crap, Chris. But in some way, by twist- 
ing the rules, I've revived a lost art. I 
get letters from retired people saying, 
“I dont understand Von ‘Purple’ 
Hayes. What is that?" But they also say 
that when they were young, all the 
players had nicknames, and it’s fun 
and OK when I doit, even if they don't 
understand a lot of them. A young kid 
once told me that his favorite nickname 
of mine was Babe Ruth. I said, “You 
know, I can’t take credit for that.” I call 
him George H. 


6. 


PLayBoy: All inductees in the Baseball 
Hall of Fame from broadcasting started 
on radio. Do you play down television's 
visuals and strive to improve your ver- 
bal skills? 

BERMAN: I've actually thought about 
this. My generation may be the last 
brought up to read the papers and lis- 
ten to the radio for sports information. 
That's gone, but it was a big benefit for 
me. It has made me better than some- 
one a little younger who grew up a to- 
tal video slave. We enjoyed listening to 
the night games on the radio. We put 
the radio under the pillow so Mom and 
Dad would think we were sleeping 
when we were listening to the Giants 
on the West Coast or a Chicago hockey 
game running long. We all used to 
bring our transistor radios with ear- 
phones to school for the World Series. 
Mel Allen, Red Barber, Ernie Har- 
well—who did the Tigers for years— 
and Jack Brickhouse are legends. The 
first real crossover was Vin Scully. He's 
been with the Dodgers forever. TV was 
a factor there, but I associate Vin Scul- 
ly with radio. When I'm in Los Angeles 
to broadcast a Dodgers game, I visit the 
manager and players and watch about 
one inning, then go back to my hotel 
and listen to Scully on the radio for six 
or seven innings. [ get much more out 
of listening to him than I would from 
making my own observations. 


7. 


PLAYBOY: The rest of us can tune out 
when the on-field action winds down. 
What is Chris Berman's technique for 


getting through those slow innings and 
quarters? 

BERMAN: I have my nicknames and 
rock-and-roll references. Or I just 
quote songs. One game in 1990 turned 
out to be about the most memorable 
I've ever done, though at the time it 
looked like the worst. It was 11-1 after 
five innings. Dodgers over the Phillies. 
The Phillies got two in the eighth and 
nine in the ninth to win. But we 
thought the game was a throwaway, 
and I figured when it was 11-1, I could 
empty whatever the hell I had in the 
closet. I quoted every line of Hotel Cali- 
fornia by the Eagles at some point in 
that game. "The pink champagne's on 
ice." "Prisoners of our device." It was 
out of hand. What's great about this job 
is I get to combine rock and roll with it. 


8. 


PLAYBOY: You encounter fans of all de- 
scriptions. Don't you ever want to tell 
some of them to get a life? 

BERMAN: I encounter them all. I can't 
go through an airport anymore with- 
out hearing "Back! Back! Back! Back!” 
or "He could go all the way!" You en- 
counter fans who would sit on top of 
telephone poles until the Denver Bron- 
cos win a Super Bowl. I don't know 
that I would have ever done that, but I 
know where they're coming from. I got 
caught up with the San Francisco Gi- 
ants and the New York Jets when I was 
young. and I still think they're great. I 
was never a ridiculous fan. Although, 
when you're 14 it's the most important. 
thing. Every day I wore white shoes— 
like Joe Namath. I got a standing ova- 
tion in homeroom the morning after 
the Jets won the Super Bowl, because I 
was called "the Jets." Here I was in 
eighth grade and . . . well, if Im Joe 
Namath, I should be going out with 
three women at one time. And I was at 
an all-boys' school. 


9. 


PLAYBOY: You've developed a reputa- 
tion for adding drama to action that 
has already happened. Does your abili- 
ty to call a highlight come from your 
different take on the passage of time? 

BERMAN: I enjoy nailing a highlight. 
I've become decent at it. For four years 
I practiced on the air an hour every 
night on the overnight show. And we 
cut long highlight packages. The worst 
thing a sportscaster can do is to voice- 
over a play while the quarterback's go- 


ing back to pass: “Watch this, it’s going 
to be a 60-yard touchdown!” Maybe it's 
a beautiful pass, but the defender 
comes over and knocks it down. That's 
a great play. Why should I spoil it for 
you? We all enjoy watching games. 
Howard Cosell was the first to grasp 
the concept. of highlights. Back when 
there wasn't any NFL Primetime he did 
highlights during halftime on Monday 
Night Football —best thing he ever did. 
Warner Wolf was the first master ofthe 
highlight in New York: "Ler's go to 
the videotape!" Warner is a boomer. 
There's a part of him in me when I do 
highlights. 


10. 


PLAYBOY: OK, go ahead, replay a career 
highlight. 

BERMAN: 1981. The NFC championship 
game. 49ers versus Cowboys. The 
background: I picked the 49ers early in 
the year and they kept winning. No 
one would believe they were good. 
Who was this Joc Montana guy? I went 
out to the Bay Arca to report on the 
game. I met all the guys. "You're the 
swami,” they said. "You've been pick- 
ing us every week." This was a revela- 
tion. This was a love affair with them. 
Pm 26. I'm their age. I’m a big guy. It 
looks like 1 might have played football 
once. I was so into this. I was on the 
field in the second half with a producer 
and a cameraman. Cowboys 27, 49ers 
21. Four minutes to go. 49ers’ ball on 
their own 11. I tell my cameraman to 
shoot the clock, pan down to the hud- 
dle. I have a feeling. The 49ers get 
down to the 25. First down. A minute 
and 30 to go in the game. Montana 
back to pass at the 25. There's a pass. 
Down in the dirt at about the 13-yard 
line, I see Cowboys piling on. I figure it 
has to be an interception. Then | see 
one Cowboy get off the pile, then an- 
other, then a third, and at the bottom, 
clutching the ball, is Freddie Solomon 
of the 49ers. I grabbed my producer 
and shook him—he said I had Charlie 
Manson eyes, he said I was in a trance. 
“My God, they're going in! They're 
going in!” I said. They did go in. Joe 
Montana to Dwight Clark. The catch. 
Whata great moment. I'm on the field. 
I'm feeling this. San Francisco 28, Dal- 
las 27. The 49ers went on to win the 
Super Bowl two weeks later. And thus 
began the legend of Joe Montana and 
the 49ers. 


PLAYBOY: You may be a big guy, but 
aren't pro footballers a race apart? 

BERMAN: They're behemoths. It's scary. 
They keep getting bigger. But I admire 
those who play because it's the ultimate 
team sport. It's so regimented. They 
watch the game films and then have 


NE 
wa 
ate 

Bie 


“It’s been like this ever since he saw a game show on 
American TV.” 


131 


PLAYBOY 


132 


lunch and then have practice and then 
have meetings. Every play you have to 
line up over here. And if we all run over 
there to help this guy—oops, there's a 
hole and the opposition can get to it in 
two seconds. If you're the best quarter- 
back but your line doesn't block, or if 
you're the best line but you don't have 
a guy who can run the ball . . . it's such a 
bunker mentality. But that's a hell of a 
dedication they have. Players know that. 
longevity is four years. 


12. 


PLAYBOY: Who does a better end-zone 
victory dance—running backs or wide 
receivers? 

BERMAN: Wide receivers, Or kick return- 
ers. Or defensive backs. Running backs 
get in there more. Wide receivers are 
sometimes the snippets of guys with reg- 
ular builds—5'10”, 180 pounds, They 
weave their way through all of these 300- 
pound guys, and maybe it’s just such a 
sense of relief for them to get into the 
end zone. The dancing is fun. There 
aren't that many chances to be individ- 
ual in football. 


13. 


PLAYBOY: Are you going to tell us that 
sportscasting is a tough job but some- 
body has to do it? 

BERMAN: I'm telling you there's a lot of 
pressure—but it beats work. I am 
amazed at how many people tell me, 
“Boy, we watch you and you're always so 


upbeat." About a year ago Harry Caray 
said to me, "1 really enjoy your enthusi- 
asm." That a guy who's done this for 
50 years would introduce himself to a 
young guy like me. Harry is enthusiasm. 
That's the highest compliment you can 
get. It doesn't mean that it colors what 
you see. I'm doing a lot of commercials 
now, and I hope people don't think I'm 
selling out. The first check we cashed at 
ESPN was from Anheuser-Busch. So 
there's a little connection there. But Pm 
having fun doing the Bud Bowl ads. We 
had some shots in which I wore a helmet 
camera, and I took a lot of crap for it: 
"You're sitting at an anchor desk. You're 
blowing your credibility.” Really? Blow- 
ing my credibility? Lawrence Taylor isn't 
going to talk to me because I don't have 
credibility? Come on. Tell me to get a 
real job and get a grip? You get a grip. 
It’s funny. It's no big deal. 1 just did a 
rock-and-roll video, by the way. George 
Thorogood and the Destroyers’ Get a 
Haircut. 1 hope it’s a hit. 


14. 


PLAYBOY: Say it ain't so, Chris, but don't 
sportscasters let players, coaches and 
owners duck tough questions? Or they 
don't even ask them in the first place? 

BERMAN: Being an investigative sports re- 
porter is not my gig. That's the allure of 
sports to some. I have a reporter's in- 
stinct in a different way. I love getting in- 
side information on ball clubs and play- 
ers. And I have a lot of contacts. Coaches 


"When you said you liked to fool around in the 
kitchen, I thought. . . .” 


and players. They trust me and I don't 
say where confidences come from. But 
I'm not driven by the improprieties of a 
college football program or the investi- 
gations of Pete Rose. I don't need the 
thrill of saying I've uncovered stuff no 
one's uncovered. I will just say some- 
thing, and if viewers really know me, 
they can tell when I'm throwing out a 
scoop. I just don't say ir'sa scoop. I don't 
believe you should say ir's a scoop. Some 
would want to call me a Milquetoast. I 
don't think that makes me one. But I'm 
just not that interested in breaking the 
scandal at the University of Washington. 


15. 


PLAYBOY: Once and for all, should Pete 
Rose be admitted to the Hall of Fame? 
BERNAN: Pete Rose should be in the Hall 
of Fame. I don’t know that the romance 
of sports means you have to glorify those 
who play. If they booted all the guys with 
bad characters from the Hall of Fame, it 
would be pretty empty. Everyone in the 
Hall of Fame was a carouser. That's why 
theyre in the Hall of Fame—because 
they could go out and play and still be 
great. Babe Ruth was a legend off the 
field. Because it didn't nail him, he's in 
the Hall of Fame. Maybe he was even 
better because of it. Bobby Layne, quar- 
terback for the Lions, was legendary. 
The guy was out all night. He would just 
take a nap and go in and play. And they 
would still win. Hack Wilson holds the 
record for the most RBIs in a season, 
190, and thar's one record 1 dor't think 
will ever get broken. He'd put down the 
bottle and go play three hours and pick 
up the bottle again. He has the National 
League single-season record for home 
runs. He's in the Hall of Fame because 
he could keep up that pace. I haven't 
made the analogy before. It's kind of 
funny. They are true Hall of Famers. 


16. 


pLavbov: Does Chris Berman ever switch 
off a game? 

BERMAN: I'm not big at all on college foot- 
ball. Probably because I grew up here 
in the Northeast and went to an Ivy 
League school. Crowds of 90,000 didn’t 
come to Brown Stadium. I never caught 
that flavor, not growing up in the en- 
trapment of the South or the Midwest. 
Who knows? Had I grown up in Michi- 
gan or Nebraska or Ohio, college foot- 
ball might be my favorite. 


17. 


PLAYBOY: You're a connoisseur of sports 
talk and you're known to sip a brew. Can 
you recommend a congenial sports bar? 
BERMAN: Here on Sundays from one to 
four. We could sell tickets to it. We do 
NFL Gameday, and then we do what we 
do best. We watch football. Man, 1 look 
forward to it. I'm fired up. We watch the 
eight one o'clock games during the reg- 
ular season. Now you can't watch all 


eight at once. Anyone who tells you they 
watch eight games at once is lying. But 
you can watch about four at once after 
Some practice. And the other ones are 
on, so someone in the room will say, 
“Oh, look at the Tampa Bay game." All 
right. You look at that for ten seconds. 
Fine, you get it. Then you're back to 
your four games over here. That's when 
we talk sports. Those three hours. 
They're ours. No phone calls. And some- 
one usually makes a snack run in the 
third quarter. We go get plates of food, 
sodas and corn chips and pretzels. It's 
come to the point where we have a little 
seating chart, almost. Tommy Jackson is 
always next to me. 


18. 


PLAYBOY: You have worked at ESPN since 
1979. Overall, are you ahead or behind 
in the network's weekly football pool? 

BERMAN: It's a camaraderie thing. It’s not 
for the money. I still get a rush out of 
making my three swami picks on Friday 
evenings. I don't bet them. I always used 
to. I kicked that a long time ago, when I 
started writing mortgage checks. I'm in- 
to rotisserie golf. I'm serious about that. 
We have a good league here. We all gam- 
bled at college, but not for big amounts 
of money. I used to enjoy my time at the 
track. I was a trotters guy because the 
race took longer. It was twice around. 
You could yell at the guy after once 


around, you know, “Get moving, you 
asshole.” 


19. 


rLAvBOY: More than a few of us have tak- 
en grief from wives or girlfriends about 
the number of hours we spend watching 
sports on TV. Would you say that some 
women just don't get it about guys and 
sports, and other women get it wrong? 

BERMAN: Fair question. 1 want to give it 
the right answer, not the politically cor- 
rect answer. Women bond in ways that 
you and I don't understand. They prob- 
ably had high-level intellectual conversa- 
tions at younger ages than we did. But 
there is something intrinsic about sports. 
My playing catch or shooting hoops with 
my dad when I was nine doesn't neces- 
sarily make me any smarter about sports 
than a woman. But you sit around with 
the fellas and watch a ball game. There is 
a certain bonding, and maybe sports is a 
huge reason for it. Most women aren't 
going to hang around with five other 
women and watch games on a regular 
basis. There are some women who have 
the same intrinsic feeling about sports, 
but it’s a real small number who grew 
up exactly like I did. With the fer- 
vor There's a very unjust bias against 
women sportscasters because some male 
viewers won't allow themselves to think 
that the women get it. They mispro- 
nounce a name and immediately it’s— 


“They don't know what they're talking 
about.” Robin Roberts here at ESPN. 
She gets it. Gail Gardner who worked 
with me and is now at NBC. She gets it. 
Lesley Visser at CBS. She gets it. But it’s 
a tough nut for them to crack. And it's 
not fair. I play catch with both my girl 
and my boy, but she will probably lose in- 
terest in a while. If she wants to get it, 
she'll get it. I'm not going to judge. 


20. 


PLAYBOY: What kind of fashion statement 
are sportscasters trying to make with 
blazers? 

BERMAN: Nurses wear white. I wear a 
blue blazer. I need to wear it. It's my uni- 
form. I have about seven or eight. Two 
regular blazers. A lighter-weight, dou- 
ble-breasted blazer. One that's a little 
heavier weight. I have a heavier-weight, 
double-breasted blazer. And a cobalt- 
blue blazer and the champagne blazer I 
never wear except to locker rooms when 
a team might win a World Series. Be- 
cause there it’s going to get ruined. I 
don't believe a sportscaster should wear 
a suit. I own one suit. One. The only 
time I ever wore it on the air was when I 
interviewed Pete Rozelle the week before 
he retired as commissioner of the NFL. I 
wore it out of respect. It’s a dark suit. 
And I looked good in it. 


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133 


PLAYBOY 


Ring in Her Navel (continued from page 118) 


“People of all ages are sticking needles through parts 
of their bodies not even allowed to be shown on TV.” 


with my wife as a present. You could say 
it’s a Valentine Day present.” 


Some call it mutilation. Some call it 
sexy. Some say it's S&M. Some say it's 
art. Some believe it's the Nineties gen- 
eratior's angst-driven selfimmolation. 
Most say it’s a fad. The Akbar and Jeff 
“Piercing Hut” cartoon may hit a litle 
closer to the bull'seye: "Now you can 
wear your abused childhood like a 
badge," it reads. "Piercing is the act of 
perforating, puncturing, lancing or cut- 
ting through the body part of your 
choice for the purpose of dangling a 
ring, bolt, fishing weight or other metal- 
lic fetish object and thereby making 
yourself more beautiful. Where yester- 
day's psychopathology becomes today's 
middle-class youth-culture affectation." 
Whatever it is, people of all ages across 
the country are sticking needles through 
parts of their bodies not even allowed to 
be shown on TV. Why is this once clan- 
destine activity emerging into a social 
spotlight? Why is it getting so much bad 
press? There has to be something more 
to piercing than meets the eye. 

When I say piercing, I'm not talking 
about just ears and noses. Those have 
become passé. I'm talking about serious, 
intimate body piercing—eyebrows, labia, 
testicles, lips, tongues. The general rule 
is "anything that sticks out." 

Sure, when I first heard about the 
more taboo places and organs, I, like 
most people, pictured the stereotype. I 
expected skinheads and Hell's Angels, 
freaky death dreamers and nymphos. I 
expected sadomasochistic psychos who 
listen to speed metal, do hallucinogens 
and, when the moon is full, cat bat's eyes 
and lizard toes over a candle-lit altar. 

People who fit those categories may 
well have a nipple ring or a tiny barbell 
through their penis. But other people 
are doing it, too housewives, school- 
teachers, college students, profession- 
als—people with jobs and families and 
well-adjusted lives. Normal people. 

Many of the tiated” would call it 
modern primitivism, the exploration of 
ancient forms of body modification. Ac- 
cording to Fakir Musafar, a pioneer of 
the movement, a modern primitive does 
something with the body as a response to 
primal urges and understands that you 
live in your body but, in essence, you are 
not your body. Many people don't real- 
ize that they practice a form of body mo- 


134 dification. If they did, they probably 


wouldn't admit it. The ancient act of 
body modification involves everything 
from wearing high-heeled shoes to foot 
binding, from tanning to branding, from 
ear piercing to flagellation. 

According to Modern Primitives, Ro- 
man centurions wore nipple rings as a 
sign of virility and as a hook to hold their 
capes. Navel piercing was once a symbol 
of royalty to ancient Egyptians. During 
the Victorian age, the "dressing ring" 
was used by haberdashers to secure the 
penis to the right or left, since pants 
were tight and crotch-binding. As de- 
scribed in The Kama Sutra, the 
apadravya, a device that is put on or 
around the penis to supplement its 
thickness, was used in Hindu culture to 
excite women during intercourse—a 
sort of antique French tickler. 

But why today? I decided to write my 
senior thesis on the subject. To try to sift 
through the textbook explanations and 
negauve attitudes, I also decided to hang 
out with Mike and Ginie. 


The voice of Timothy Leary reading 
poetry echoed from the stereo speakers 
in Mike's jasmine-scented living room. 
Muted Indian tapestries hung from the 
walls, geometric mobiles from the ceil- 
ing. The bottom half of a mannequin in 
psychedelic rainbow-swirled pants rest- 
ed on the end table next to the futon 
where Mike sat Indian style, picking 
chips of black polish off his toenails. I sat 
on the couch and looked up to see the 
braid ofa shrunken head dangling inch- 
es from my ear. I slid a little to the right. 
Adjusting her skirt to cover her knee- 
high stockings, Ginie lay back with her 
legs stretched out on the floor in front of 
me, her asymmetrical hair covering her 
lefi eye. She petted Guacamole and Lint 
Brush, the cats. 

Because I didn't get to see the Philly 
man’s piercing, Mike had invited me 
over to watch an instructional video that 
showed the step-by-step procedure of 
the insertion of the ampallang. Ginie 
and I sipped white wine while Mike 
drank something brown. He loaded the 
cassette into the VCR, fast-forwarded 
through the introductory talks, the pre- 
cautions, the instruments and stopped at 
the ampallang. 

The pelvis of a man with a hieroglyph 
tattooed on his left hip, and the surgical- 
gloved hands of the piercer, filled the 
entire screen. We never actually heard 
anything that was happening, just the 


distorted, Kermit the Frog voice of the 
narrator over a background of inten- 
tionally soothing classical music. 

It began. "Step one: Thoroughly 
cleanse the area with Betadine. Step two: 
Using an alcohol-based marker, draw 
spots on either side of the penis indicat- 
ing the path of the needle. Step three: 
Pierce." As the piercer stuck the needle 
through the first layer of skin, the fleshy 
head of the penis folded over, engulfing 
the entire needle and the tips of the 
piercer's fingers. The tattooed man's 
legs began to quiver. We wished we 
could hear the actual piercing, the poke, 
the squish, the moaning, the screaming, 
the words of encouragement from the 
determined, muscular, glove-sheathed 
piercer. No. We heard classical music. 
“Step four: The soft skin gives to the 
pressure of the needle." Finally the nee- 
dle emerged. I looked at my watch. Sev- 
enteen seconds on the nose. 

Mike rewound the tape so we could 
watch it again, this time turning off the 
volume and filling in our own dialogue: 

“One litle pricky, and two litle 
prickies. . .." 

Mike always had a difficult time taking 
a backseat on things. Eight years ago 
he began experimenting with piercing, 
practicing on himself and on his friends. 

“T had to learn to trust myself,” he told 
me after the video. “I had to learn to 
trust my instincts and trust the way I 
feel. Once I got good at that, it was nat- 
ural. The progression was exponential.” 

Mike eventually introduced Ginie to 
body piercing. It was a thing that seemed 
right for her. 

^] wanted to know about it, to be a 
part of it. Experiencing it came later," 
Ginie explained. "It was something that. 
intrigued me." 

Mike's role as the piercer grew out of 
his desire to have control of his physical 
world. "I have no problems with being 
pierced by other people,” he said. "I'd 
just as soon do it myself.” He put a mel- 
low reggae tape into his stereo. 

“But what made you choose to pierce 
yourself?" I asked. 

“For about three and a half years, be- 
fore I got into piercing, I was coming to 
terms with my mortality. I was cutting up 
my body, piercing it, burning it, restrict- 
ing it. I was playing with my body. I 
wanted to see how close to death I could 
get. Three times I tried to commit sui- 
cide. Break bones, go without sleep, poi- 
son myself. Piercing is sort of the culmi- 
nation of all that. It's a mark on the 
outside of my body that shows everyone 
else—like a punk-rock haircut. It's a flag 
that says, 'Hey. I've come to terms with 
my mortality. I know about it.’ In a way, 
maybe, I was feeling superior. That's 
why I was adorning myself, but it was al- 
so to remind me of what I'd been 
through—kind of like the rainbow after 


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PLAYBOY 


the Noah's ark story The promise. 
Piercing represents a promise that I'm 
never going to have to go through that 
again.” 

Mike reached out his hand. I instinc- 
tively offered my open hand in return. 
He dropped nine different-sized silver 
rings into my palm. It took me a second 
before I realized what they were. Cock 
rings. We hadn't been talking about 
them or sex or anything that might have 
inspired him to share these rather per- 
sonal possessions with me. But I went 
with it and tried to remain calm. Until I 
remembered Ginie. I nervously looked 
at her and she grinned as if to say, “Oh, 
that crazy Mike.” 

“You know, the last time 1 saw a cock 
ring, I was a freshman in high school 
and acting in Mary Poppins,” | said. “I 
was at a cast party and when I was 
putting my coat away in the bedroom, I 
saw one on the dresser next to a jar of 
Vaseline. I've always wondered about 
those things. So, you use them?” 

I figured if Mike felt comfortable 
enough with me to let me fondle his cock 
rings, I should feel comfortable enough 
with him to be frank about them. 

“Yeah, | really want to get up to 12. 1 
can use only nine now." 
actly where do you put them?" 

“Let me see if I can show you." He 
took the rings out of my hand and left 
the room. 1 knew what he was doing, but 
1 had to ask anyway. 

“Is he putting diem on?" 

“I think so," Ginie answered. 

Mike came back in. His pants were un- 
done and he pulled them down. On his 
left hip he had a tattoo of a woman in 
bondage. All his pubic hair was shaved. I 
stared at the rings, four wrapping round 
the base of his penis and pushing his tes- 
tides forward, two round the shaft 
against the head, two encircling his right 
testicle and one his left. But, so up close 
and personal, I was more interested in 
his Prince Albert piercing, which, as 
weird as it may sound, really aesthetical- 
ly complemented the silver-ring motif 
working down there. 

Mike zipped up. I had just seen a 
mans penis covered in metal and 1 
hadn't turned away, or giggled or vomit- 
ed. It might have been something sexual 
for Mike. He might have wanted to 
shock me or embarrass me. 1 don't know. 
It was his body, though, and he wasn't 
afraid of it or what I might think of it. I 
envied that. 

“The process is the product," Mike ex- 
plained. “It’s not what happens in the 
end that’s important, it's the getting 
there.” 


Over the next few days I found that 
other people's reasons for piercing 
themselves were as varied as the pierc- 


136 ings. Meg, 28, came to Forbidden Fruit 


10 have her nipple pierced, to add to the 
aesthetic of her already tattooed body. 
Until she discovered that piercing 
wouldn't hinder breast-feeding, she had 
been hesitant—a factor I didn't quite un- 
derstand given that she is a lesbian. "A 
big part of my sexuality is about S&M 
and the piercing is really a part of 
for me,” she said. “The other thing is 
that 1 just think it looks really cool. It 
keeps conversations lively at the beach 
with my family in the summer.” 

Kevin, 19, had his ears pierced in sev- 
enth grade and his navel pierced two 
months ago, and he came as a walk-in 
to Forbidden Fruit to have his left nip- 
ple done. 

“I just love it," he said. “I'm not do- 
ing it for other people, I'm doing it for 
myself.” 

But he'd rather take the pain than dis- 
place it by clutching the racquetballs, 
which Mike call “anesthetic.” 

“IF I were tl ing about the pain and 
squeezing the balls, then it would hurt 
more." 

Omar, 21, doesn't go to Forbidden 
Fruit. He does his own piercings as a 
form of self-destruction. He currently 
has 11 holes in his left ear, a nipple ring, 
and a ring through the center of his 
tongue; he once had a navel ring, a safe- 
ty pin through his eyebrow, and another 
one through his cheek. "Instead of hurt- 
ing other people, I'd rather hurt my- 
self," Omar told me. 


“Im ready,” 
ready?" 


Mike said. "Are you 


, I said. “That's a 


“You're going to be OK." 

“I can't believe I'm doing this. Oh, 
Jesus." 

I asked if I could press on the wall 
with my feet. I could foresee feeling the 
urge to do that. Just casually lying back 
in that dentist's chair, my feet were al- 
ready trying to brace the wall. In spite of 
all the piercings I'd seen, all the navel 
piercings even, 1 was still afraid. I had no 
idea what to expect. 

A photographer from The Philadelphia 
Inquirer was snapping photos of my ex- 
posed gut. Part of me was more worried 
that I hadn't brushed my hair or put on 
lipstick than that Mike was about to stick 
a mammoth needle through my skin. 

“If you feel anything out of the ordi- 
nary,” Ginie said, “just say something.” 
Out of the ordinary? What could possi- 
bly be more out of the ordinary than 
my willingly having a two-inch needle 
rammed through my stomach? 


h? But 
there I was, in the very same chair where 
I'd seen so many strangers pierced. My 
shirt was rolled up and there were 
clamps on my belly button. I was doing 
it. At that moment it dawned on me that 


this body-piercing fetish I'd somehow 
fallen into might have grown a tad out of 
control. 

“I'm backing out right now." 

"Are you?” Ginie seemed to be 
disappointed. 

“Now is the time to say so." Mike tried 
not to sound disappointed, but | could 
tell he was. 

The Inguirer had seen an article on 
Mike and Ginie in the university paper 
and had decided to do a story, too. The 
girl who was supposed to have her navel 
pierced hadn't shown up and I had a 
feeling that the Inquirer wouldn't publish 
the article unless there was a photo. 
why was I doing it? To help out Mike 
and Ginie? To get my 15 minutes of 
fame? Because I had caught the bug that 
Ginie said 1 would catch after seeing 
people having it done? Because 1 just 
had to know what it felt like? 

“OK. Do it. I need the balls." I want- 
ed the two blue racquetballs to hold in 
my hands. 

“You don't need the balls," Mike said. 
"Unless you really want them." Demerol 
would have been better, of course, but 
they're not licensed to use it and it would. 
be silly to stick a needle in your body to 
keep from feeling another needle. 

"| need the balls." 

“Like I said, if you feel anything out of 
the ordinar 

“What's out of the ordinary? I'm kind 
of light-headed right now. 

hat's from the anxiety," 
sured me. “Don't get anxious." 
easier said than done. 

“I know. I wish there were something 
I could do for that," Mike said. Almost in 
the same breath, he counted to three. 

“One ... two . . . three!” He jammed 
the needle through the first layer of skin. 
I couldn't watch. I didn't want to. It took. 
a few seconds for the pain to register in 
my brain. I started humming a sustained 
high-pitched note like you do when 
somebody is telling you something you 
don't want to hear so you cover your 
ears and hum to block it out. My feet 
shot up against the wall. I squeezed the 
racquetballs. It felt like someone was 
pinching an open wound with long 
fingernails covered in jalapeno juice. 

"Are you all right?" I took Ginie's 

question as a sign it was over. It didn't 
seem to hurt as bad as I'd expected, and 
it was over quickly. 
He's going to push it a little more." I 
was wrong. It wasn't over yet. It was on- 
ly through the first layer of skin. I hon- 
estly thought 1 might die. “You do a lot 
more sit-ups than you say." Mike said. 

As he pushed, my voice went into a 
bellowing "Ohhhhbhh" I held my 
breath. I could feel the needle burrow- 
ike a tiny train through my flesh. I 
nd burning pinch cach 
time the point pi ierced a new layer. 
it in?” It was in. Ahhhhhhh. 
"Like giving birth?" Mike asked 


Mike as- 
Much 


"Or 


maybe not that bad." At that point I lost 
my fear of giving birth because I was cer- 
tain there was no way in hell birthing 
could be any worse than this. 

“I just want you to stop touching it,” 1 
said. The skin was unbelievably tender 
and he kept fiddling with it. 1 didnt 
want to look yet. 

I had a silver ring through the si 
above my navel. As if things weren't si 
real enough, the first thing I heard was 
the Inquirer reporter, with wire-rimmed 
glasses and an l-danced-at-Woodstock 
attitude, say “cool.” 

“Oh, my God." I momentarily wished 
I hadn't done it. It looked so jaundiced 
from the Betadine and so puffy and 
awkward. 

“Isnt that beautifi Ginie said 
Beautiful is not the word I would have 
used. I felt like it was a newborn and I 
was the mother lying all sweaty and tired 
on the delivery table, thinking that the 
purple slimy thing in my arms wasn't 
done yet. Put it back in. 

“Goddamn. That looks really good.” 
Paul, the tattoo artist who owns the 
ling, had watched it all. It wasn't un- 
til the Inquirer photographer left that 
Paul admitted he had considered, if no 
one else had volunteered, having his 
other nipple pierced for the occasion. I 
wanted to punch him in the nose for not 
saying that five minutes earlier. 

It doesn't hurt. Ahhhhhhh!” Pd spo- 
ken too soon. Mike doused the ring in 
alcohol. 

"Stop! That hurts worse." 

“That's really cool, I want to tell you." 
The reporter used that word again. 
"How much did it hurt?" I didn't know 
what to say. Did he want me to measure 
it with finger and thumb like, “it hurt 
this much,” or did he want it on a scale of 


“How much? 


“It hurt.” 1 finally understood why all 
the people I'd talked to had such a prob- 
lem explaining the experience to me. 
You can't describe pain. At that point, I'd 
already forgotten what it felt like. 

“I feel Kind of excited. 1 can't wait to 
show somebody." 

"Now you can get your clitoris done," 
Mike suggested. "And get a chain be- 
tween it and your navel.” He'd men- 
tioned that piercing was addictive, but at 
that instant, there was no fucking way. 


I got pretty liquored that night. Peo- 
ple seem to feel the urge to buy shots for 
someone with a ring in her navel, and 
someone who just got a ring put through 
her navel is pretty ready to do them. I 
felt like a sideshow freak. “Take that 


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out!” yelled my friend Julie, who's so 
afraid of needles she can't take a novo- 
caine shot before having a cavity filled. 
"Then she called over friends I'd never 
Look at this!" And they 
called over their friends, and they called 
over their friends, until I was surround- 
ed by people asking inane questions 
such as, "Did that hurt?” 

When I told my mother the next 
morning she said, "When you're preg- 
nant, you'll look like one of those big red 
rubber balls with a ring on top that you 
used to bounce on in gym class." A guy 
from the restaurant where I work added 
that I could double as a baby doll; when 
you pulled the string on my belly I'd say, 
“Hi! I'm Chatty Cathy. I want to be your 
friend.” 

I felt different. 1 couldn't really de- 
scribe it except that I was aware of my 
navel all the time. I could hardly concen- 
trate when people talked to me. I just 
wanted to say, "There's a ring in my bel- 
ly button.” But it was a secret, a person- 
al, private secret. I could choose whom I 
wanted to share my secret with, and I 
could keep it from all the people who 
wouldn't understand, like my grandpar- 
ents and my ex-boyfriend. 


PLAYBOY 


“IF it’s in the news, if they're on the 
news, behind the news, we try to have 
them here in the morning on this pro- 
gram. We've tracked down the woman 
we were talking about earlier, Vicki 
Glembocki of Penn State University. Vic- 
ki, good mornin 


ig.” It was seven on a 
Tuesday morning. A Philadelphia radio 
station had called because the article had 
gone to press and Paul W. Smith, the DJ, 
assumed | was a freak and wanted to talk 
with me. 

“Welcome to WWDB. You haven't 
seen it yet, apparently, but in the subur- 
ban section of The Philadelphia Inquirer, 
there is a big picture of you in pain. At 
first—you know how you glance at a 
newspaper—I thought that you'd been 
shot or that maybe you were going into 
labor. I couldn't tell—the grimace on 
your face." 

It suddenly hit me. The secret was out 
and I was the subject. I was no longer 
the voyeur, the onlooker or the reporter. 
I had joined the subculture, and things 
appeared different but clearer from 
that end 

“How does your family react when 
you tell them that you have a navel 
ring now?" 

"My mom laughed but 1 dont think 
my dad knows yet." 

"Oh, that's great.” Smith chortled 
rather heartily. “Dad doesn't know. He's 
going to find out about his little girl in 
the newspaper and on the radio. Oh, 

138 man. Oh, man. Oh, man.” 


Eventually there was the sexual inter- 
rogation. "What does your boyfriend 
think?" What does my boyfriend think? 
All he'd said was that he wanted it to heal 
so hecould touch it without me contract- 
ing my stomach, knocking his hand away 
and murmuring through gritted teeth, 
"Not yet. Not yet." 

“well, listen. It was a pleasure speak- 
ing with you, and I wish you luck. Wait 
until you see this newspaper. You're a 
star, Vicki. Although you are screaming, 
and they do show you on the second sec- 
tion with your pants down, you should 
know. But all we can see is your 
navel ring." 

. 


The same mother who had made the 
crack about the bouncing ball was a little 
less enthused when she heard about her 
daughter screaming on the front page 
of the Inquirer. "You should be careful 
about what you say. Make sure you 
sound intelligent,” she warned. 

A graduate student from the Universi- 
ty of Pennsylvania called me because he 
was interested in my research and an- 
other guy from Philly called my parents 
looking for me. He said he owned a 
small newspaper and wanted to know 
about my childhood and my family life. 
He asked my mother not to tell me that 
he called. She called me as soon as she 
hung up the phone to tell me to watch 
out. "You Know, some sicko is going to 
see that picture of you with your pants 
open and use it to turn himself on. Have 
you ever heard of a pedophile?” 

The wire services picked up the story 
and it was in the same issue of the Har- 
risburg Patriot-News as my roommate's 
brother's wedding announcement. Two 
of my father's customers, in Titusville 
and Oil City, saved him copies. "Are you 
related to this girl?" they asked him. My 
father made a special trip to my grand- 
parents! house to break the news. We 
don't think they understood, or else they 
purposely blocked it out, because they 
haven't said anything about it since. 


Mike, Ginie and I were double-billed 
on AM Philadelphia with a Delaware- 
based tattoo artist and his two scantily 
clad, tattooed friends. 

Wally Kennedy, the host, explained 
that he wanted to know the fruits of my 
research, the whys, the history. When he 
asked how it had changed my life, La 
swered, “Well, I've gotten a lot of pres: 

I honestly believe that there is no all- 
g, generational explanation 
ing has emerged from the un- 
derworld in the Nineties, except that the 
era is filled with individuals. Everyone's 
reasons for being pierced are diflerent, 
representing cach person's individuality. 

Until I had my navel pierced, I never 


really liked my body. I can't say that I'm 
too keen on each and every appendage 
right now, but at least I've stopped pos- 
ing naked in front of the mirror, stretch- 
ing the skin on my stomach as far as I 
can around my hips to see what I would 
look like with a completely flat gut. At 
least I don't contemplate throwing up 
every ume I eat. At least I don't stand in 
the shower and reluctantly look down, 
hoping I'll still be able to see my feet in 
spite of the huge waffle-cone sundae of 
the day before. I used to do these things 
all the time. 

When I got pierced, I didn't know 
why. It wasn’t until Ginie showed me her 
nipple ring that I realized exactly what it 
had done for me. 

I was at her apartment, drinking 
Chardonnay from a ceramic chalice and 
chatting about men and diets and jewel- 
ry. She lifted her blouse and her bra. 

“I love the stone I found,” she said. 

A turquoise stone dangled from the 
purple-tinted metallic ring through the 
nipple of her right breast. It looked ab- 
solutely beautiful. The jewelry didn't en- 
lighten me. It was the fact that I didn't 
notice her body. Ginie has rather boda- 
cious breasts. I always check out another 
woman's body, compare it with my own, 
judge its proportions next to my mental 
image of “the perfect body" But this 
time I saw only the ring and how effort- 
lessly she showed it to me, with no ex- 
cuses for the ten pounds she wanted to 
lose, no complaints about her bra size, 
no apology for her chalky, winter-paled 
skin. She showed me because she 
was proud of her piercing. Proud of 
her body. 

Ginie may not have been aware that 
her comfort with her body was anything 
less than normal. Not everybody feels 
trapped by body image, by 5/10” super- 
models, by bodybuilding or aerobics, by 
implants or liposuction, by tanning beds 
or Slim-Fast. Piercing is not necessarily 
the escape for everyone who does. But 
then again, Ginie has her labia pierced, 
too, and if I had asked, she probably 
would have shown me. That's unthink- 
able in a society that considers some 
body parts public and some private. 

T can’t count the number of times and 
places I've flashed my stomach in the 
months since I had my navel pierced— 
to strangers in a bar, to my father in the 
kitchen, to Philadelphia on TV. This has 
been the first time in my life I haven't 
wanted to hide under bulky sweaters 
and baggy jeans. I even bought a 
cropped T-shirt, and I can't wait to wear 
a bikini at the beach. It may sound corny, 
but by piercing my navel I've taken back 
my body. I've learned to be proud of 
something I had always dreamed of 
changing. It feels great. And I've start- 
ed thinking about having my nipples 


pierced, too. 
El 


TO LIVE & DIE IN L.A. 


(continued from page 61) 


jungle off King Boulevard and Dorsey 
High School, and that's a Blood area. 

She let me know she's not a gang 
member but she's part of that environ- 
ment, She told me, "I'd just rather blend 
in than try to fight it.” If she wants to 
wear blue and all her girlfriends are 
wearing red, she's going to create a 
problem. So why do that? 

The first three levels of gangs have to 
follow the rules completely. One of the 
main violations is associating the 
enemy. It’s like the Civil War revisited in 
South Central. If you have to visit your 
cousin in another gang's territory on 
expect to hear about it on Mon- 
, I seen you with them 
get sweated for that all the 
time because of gang spies. If you're 
seen hanging on enemy turf, it's like an 


The rules of gang warfare are not 
much different from those of the mili- 
tary. If a fight breaks out and you run, 
you can get popped. In the Army you 
can get sentenced to death. So the kids 
who are more blatant with their mem- 
bership—in military-speak, gung-ho— 
gain the rank. In many ways, gangs are 
playing the same games America plays 
against other countries. It's a game of su- 
periority played out on a smaller scale. 


The ultimate rush for any man is pow- 
er. When you're in a set, you not only 
gain power, you gain rebellious power. 
You're not answering to anybody. Once a 
kid can flick this switch in his head and 

y. "I can do what I want to do. There 
are laws, but I'm gonna handle it my 
way.” his ego is boosted. He gains identi- 
ty. Any time you join a fraternity, you im- 
mediately become somebody, even if it's 
only in your set 

In the ghetto, even the names of gang- 
sters have power. If I say I hang with 
‘Tony Bogart, everybody in the hood 
knows who he is. He's the guy who initi- 
ated the gang truce. He's as big a gang- 
ster as anyone. Why does P. J. Watts have 
juice? Because he's been shot a bunch of 
times and the kids know he's not afraid 
nyone. The buzz around town will be 
Jh, you know him? You know 
Raider from Santana block? 

Who are these guys? They are not 
professional athletes or pop stars. But 
they are big shots to ghetto kids because 
they got their names from being tough. 
They didn't have money, so they used 
the one commodity they did have— 
strength. 

Gang culture is ghetto male love 
pushed to its limit. Gang members wear 
their colors in defiance of everything— 
the cops, other sets, even the school sys- 
tem. When they wcar their colors while 


strolling through rival turf, it’s called 
bailing, and to anybody on the outside, 
they're insane. Why would you walk 
down the street like a big target? Be- 
cause in an aggr environment, it's 
your way of saying, "I'm not afraid of 
anybody. 

Gangs offer kids security in a fucked- 
up environment. It’s not the killing that 
initially draws a kid into gangs. It’s the 
brotherlike bond, because you're telling 
the kid, "Yo, I love you, and nothing's 
ever gonna happen to you. And if any- 
thing happens to you, those motherfuck- 
ers are going to be dead." 

You don't tell your girlfriend that. You 
don't tell your mother. You hold true on 
that promise. When you see these drive- 
bys and kids are hitting five or six people 
on the street, they are retaliating for the 
murder of one of their boys. I've seen 
crying men enter cars, and when the 
car door slams shut, they go out and 
murder. 

If they hit their target, most of them 
will walk. They know that if you kill an- 
other black man in Los Angeles, the 
odds are that you won't be going to jail 
Your case isn't an LAPD priority. It’s the 
old ghetto saying: "A nigger kills a white 
man, that's murder one. A white man 
kills a nigger, that's self-defense. A nig- 
ger kills a nigger, that's just another 


If your case does make it to court, the 
witnesses they'll use against you are usu- 
ally from another gang. These kids want 
to see Eddie Crook go to jail. And once 
your attorney proves this, you're not go- 
You're not going to get 
"That's what was so ironic 
about the Rodney King trials. The wit- 
nesses for the defense were police, and 
that should have been a conflict right 
there. They are in the same gang. Of 
course some of them will lie to save their 
buddies. 

Most of the gang killers are still out 
thereon the street. I meet kids every day 
introduced to me as "the shoot- 
This is the shooter" theyll say. 

This is our killer." It means this kid has 
killed and will kill again. It’s not only 
what he does, it’s what he's known for. 
Sometimes, they won't be much older 
than 15 or 16. 

Gangs have been able to get away with 
so much killing, it just continues. The ca- 
pability for violence in these kids is 
unimaginable. Last year five of my bud- 
dies died. I don't even go to funerals 
anymore. There are so many people dy- 
ing out there, it's crazy. Sometimes I sit 
with my friends and think, There will 
never be another time on earth when 
we'll all be together again. Many of my 
original crew are dead. You get hard af- 
ter a while. People on the outside say, 
“These e so stone-faced. They 
don't show any remorse or emotion." It's 
because they re conditioned to deal with 
death like soldiers in a war. You just 


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don't know what it's like unless you've 


been around it. 


In L.A., gangbanging is done under 
the supervision of the police. The cops 
watch the gangs’ activity; they don't get 
in it, but they allow it to go down. They 
don't care about people hurting one an- 
other. The gangs are not out to attack 
the police. No mafia messes with the po- 
lice because then the cops will come 
down on them. 


FLA TAO 


“This is my city, 
my world. Fuck 
the police. They are here to do what they 
got to do and I'm here to do what 1 got 
to do.” Gangs have total disrespect for 
the law. 

Poverty totally instills a fuck-it atti- 
tude. What am I going to lose? they 
think. It ain't like gangbangers are com- 
ing out of nice houses in Brentwood and 
going out and taking a risk. They are 
coming out of the projects. Their homes 
might be as big as the average living 
room. My buddy will tell you, “Man, I 
got a wife. four kids and two pit bulls in 
a single apartment. So dont come tell 
me what to do. I'm just trying to live. I'm 
coming out here on the streets, and 
whatever I got to do, I got to do." 

Stories fly around town about cops 
provoking gang members to fight by go- 
ing from set to set and spreading rumors 
about who murdered who. Many cops 
find this shit funny. If you're a real po- 
liceman, you don't want to see anybody 
get hurt. But put yourself in the mind- 
set of the cop who gets up in the morn- 
ing saying, "All these fucking niggers, 
savages down there. I’m gonna go down 
and put some of them in jail and beat 
some ofthem up." That cop is causing as 
much trouble as the gangs, because he's 
stirring them up. 

The gangs act as defiantly as possible 
toward police. A gang member will see a 
cop and throw his set up to him. It's 
called "giving it up" or "hitting 'em up." 
Like Ice Cube says on his Predator album, 
"See One-Time, hit 'em up." He's illus- 
trating the defiance gang members feel 
toward One-Time (the cops who roll 
through the neighborhoods). Most gang 
members aren't afraid of getting thrown 
What do they have to lose? 

To most of them, jail is no different 
from home. They ain't going to do noth- 
ing but kick it with the homies in jail. 
Everybody's there. If you're young, you 
say to yourself, “I can do two standing 
on my head." 

Gang mentality is pounded into your 
head in prison. When you go to prison 
in any section of California, you get 
thrown into a car. A car is the group you 
hang with when you're in the joint. A 
ride. These are the guys you'll be rolling 
with in a prison riot. The first thing 

140 you'll be asked after being in prison for a 


while is, "What car you in?" In jail there 
are Muslim cars (415 up north, 213 in 
LA), a Black Guerrilla Family, a Crip 


car, a Blood car. These cars are your 
gang and your form of protection while 
you're serving time. 

Like in any gang situation, cven if you 
dont side with any of them, that be- 
comes a car—the people who ain't with 


with the Aryan Nation? You ain't with 
the Arabs?" If the answer is no, you be- 
come linked with all the other prisoners. 
in an independent car. 

Ifa convict goes to prison for ten years 
and lands in a Crip car, he's waking up 
every day putting on his bandanna, 
walking the walk. And it’s no joke when 
a guy who outranks you im your car 
comes up to you and tells you that you 
have to stick some guy. You gotta do it. 

There is drama in jail. By the time 
you come home, you're really banging. 
When the police take a gangster of the 
street and put him in jail, his criminal 
side is totally reemphasized. You'll see 
the gang tattoos. You'll see the change in 
his eyes. 

My hope is that the gang truce can 
reach into the prisons, because the pris- 
ons really run the streets. In the joint 
you get favors by seeing what you can do 
for somebody on the outside. If I were in 
jail with you and you wanted something 
done by me, or if 1 wanted something 
done by you, I'd say, “Don't worry, I can 
reach your people and handle it.” A lot 
of the guys who are getting killed on the 
streets are being reached by people in 
the joint. The joint contains the most 
hard-core gangsters. 

All these shots are being called by peo- 
ple in the joint, and if they decide the 
war is over in there, then it will be over 
outside, too. You can't stop on the out- 
side without the commitment of guys in 
the joint. They're going to be saying, 
“Yo, when I get out, blam." A wuce has 
10 happen in both places simultaneously. 


One of my buddies once told me, 
"Man, everybody wants to be special.” If 
you can'tbe special by being the smartest 
person in school, you're going to try to 
be special by being really different or re- 
ally tough. The guys in BooXa Tribe 
wear big braids and dip a blue barrette 
to the end of their hair. What they're say- 
ing is, "I'm going to look crazy. And if 
you don't know better, you might say 
something to me about it." It gives them 
distinction. 

1 went to Mann's Chinese Theater in 
Hollywood one time with 50 of my gang- 
banging buddies. Fifty dudes with sun- 
glasses and baseball hats. You should 
have seen how the streets cleared as peo- 
ple got out of the way. These are kids 
who would never have had that kind of 
power without being in a gang. 


If they only threw fists when a con- 
frontation came up, there wouldn't be a 
problem. But somewhere along the line, 
somebody got killed. Once death came 
into the equation, it became a dark, evil, 
scary thing. 


Frederick Douglass wrote more than 
140 years ago, “Everyone in the South 
wants the privilege of whipping some- 
one else.” He believed that slaves, by 
having to submit to the power of their 
masters, became aggressive toward one 
another and would whip one another 
more cruelly than their masters had. 
Frustration builds into aggressive behav- 
ior and causes people to lash out and 
hurt somebody. Anybody who 
pain is scarching to reach out. If y 
grow up in an aggressive environment, 
your threshold for pain grows higher 
and you'll do one oftwo things: become 
extremely gentle or become extremely 
violent 

I'm more or less a gentle person, but I 
can get extremely violent in stressful sit- 
uations. Because 1 have a gangbanging 
past, people always want to test me. 
"That's a dangerous thing, trying to push 
the ghetto button. People can end up 
dead in those situations. With gangs, 
you're dealing with killers or with peo- 
ple who have the potential to kill. Why 
fuck with this guy? Why would you want 
to sec if he's real? Because of his up- 
bringing, the ghetto black man has this 
builtin mechanism he's trying to con- 
trol. You shouldn't push him toward the 
edge. Sometimes you're dealing with 
people who are so frustrated, they are 
on the brink of insanity. 

The way to deal with these guys, par- 
ticularly when they're attempting to 
break out of the gangster mind-set, isn't 
by threatening them. In Orange County, 
rnia, politicians are threatening to 
crack down hard on gangs. They actual- 
ly believe if they bully these kids, they 
will be scared out of gang membership. 

They don’t have a clue that by the ime 
joins a gang, he's already lost all 
fear of what could happen to him. Noth 
ing could be scarier than Johnny's home 
life and upbringing. The killing fields 
have destroyed his spirit and the lives of 
his friends. If politicians were smart, 
they'd explore the issues that make a kid 
want to join up in the first place. Why 
id want to tag the wall? It’s so 

| for the government to say, "Let's 
go after the kid instead of figuring out 
the reason he's so full of hate. Let's at- 
tack Ice-T because he wrote Cop Killer. 
We don't want to explore the reason he 
might have written it. That's too horri- 
ble. That's too complicated." 


Because the causes are never ex- 
plored, the battles will continue. And 
with the injection of drugs into the gang 


world, you have the perfect breeding 
ground for organized crime. 

People outside the gang arena will al- 
ways have a difficult time understanding 
why these kids sell drugs. They ask, 
"How could they hurt their own peo- 
To understand, 1 always used this 
io: Take four people, put them in 
son cell and say to one of them, 
"Come to work for me. First off, none of 
yall are ever getting out. You're de: 
tined to die in this prison cell. But if you 
poison the other three, I'll let you out 
"They are going to die anyway. But you 
can live if you kill them." 

How many people could stay there for 
the rest of their lives? How many would 
take the chance to get out? These kids 
ing, “I ain't got no way out. It's 
I want to hurt anybody, but this 
s my chance. The chance of escaping out- 
weighs the harm I'm doing to others." 

When you deal dope, people come to 
you and beg for it. You don’t see it as 
hurting anyone. You're quick to say: "If 
I don't give it to them, somebody else 
will. They want the dope. I'm fulfilling 
a need. They're feeling good. Well, it's 
their own fault, you know. I got to do 
this. For the first time, my little sister got 
new sneakers. My mama's car note is 
paid. I'm able to achieve something. 1 
have things now. I ain't never had any- 
thing before." 

Dealers are intoxicated with what they 
earn and can't stop. People don't go into 
selling drugs to hurt people. If that were 
the case, they would lace the drugs with 
cyanide. They aren't trying to kill any- 
one. They're trying an occupation that 
gives them a chance to live better. Before 
the introduction of crack, you had units 
of kids fighting over a street, not money 
All of a sudden, these kids have cash flow 
and they're creating their own organiza- 
tions. Right now, crack cocaine is the 
number-one employer of minorities in 
America. That's capitalism. 

Crack and cash flow have added yet 
another angle to the complex problem 
of gangs. Now the gangs are spread out 
all over the U.S. You wonder where they 
came from. 

Gangs took the game on the road. The 
crack or dope sold in Los Angeles is four 
times as expensive out of state. Los An- 
geles is the number-one headquarters 
for cocaine in the U.S. The dope capital 
is no longer Miami. It stopped coming in 
through Florida. Now 
through Mexico and Arizona to LA. 
The gangbangers get it and they're al- 
ready organized. Everybody has a cous- 
in in St. Louis or Cleveland and they 
can get their homies involved in the 
drug trade. 

A gang member flies out to see his rel- 
ative, and since he has this strong identi- 
ty, the kid out of state will listen. Gang- 
sters are given respect. Compared with 
they have it 
ippi has nev- 


er seen anything like it. He's dirt-ass 
ying, “Hey, I want to be in this. I 


The L.A. connection will tell him, “I'm 
from the Rollin 60s and I have this 
product for you. If you have any prob- 
Jems or any drama out here, I'll have 
motherfuckers flown in from L.A. You 
scc how we're kicking up dust in Los An- 
geles?” And in no time, they'll turn out 
about ten dudes in Mississippi. They'll 
dress ‘em up, teach them the ropes, and 
now Mississippi has a gang with real 
members. 

Then, like in organized crime, they 
decide they want to take over an area 
and they need somebody to handle it. So 
they fly in another kid from Los Angeles, 
he does the job and he's out of therc. 
Straight hit. How do you bust him? This 
kid's not from Mississippi. Nobody knows 
anything. He doesn't even know any- 
thing about who he's doing. And it's on. 

The gangs grew out of control in L.A., 
so they were able to spread throughout 
the country. We're looking at the breed- 
ing grounds for a black mafia. The irony 
is that it’s the same way many immi- 
grants to America used crime to try to 
get ahead. 


With the gang truce, gangs in L.A. are 
in their final bonding stages. Prior to the 
truce, the gangs had bonded into small 
units. If they remain separate, the war 
will dehnitely continue. By bonding to- 
gether, they can step back and realize, 
“Yo, we all have the same enemy. Let's 
stop killing one another.” Then they'd 
be a devastatingly powerful—and dan- 
gerous—unit of black men 

This is a situation the LAPD does not 
want to sce happen. They do not dig this 
gang truce. They want to keep them sep- 
arate. Once 20,000 guys who used to 
fight one another in groups of five or 
500 sit down together, it's a new kind of 
phenomenon. Think about the force of 
these kids. If you ask, "How many peo- 
ple here have done a -by?" and 
2000 hands go up, you've got some shit 
on your hands. You've got some hard- 
core soldiers. And ifthey decide the cops 
are the enemy, then the LAPD is in trou- 
ble. The cops have every reason to want 
these kids to remain separate. It's bet- 
ter for the cops if they keep killing one 
another. 


I'm not worried about the gangs 
banding together. Once they reevaluate 
their lives, they'll want to move in more 
mellow directions. When 1 was out there 
hustling and looking at everybody crazy, 
I believed that was what I would always 
do. Once 1 was able to change and once 
I had hope fora different future, I didn't 
have those feelings. I didn't want to hurt 
anybody. I had no pressing reason to go 
out and do low. But when you're down 


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142 


in that hole, you feel like that's how you 
got to be all day, every day. 

You have to be brought out of the 
gang attitude slowly. Lots of brothers 
can't do it. The DJ I work with, Aladdin, 
grew up in Compton. Even after we 
started working together, he used to go 
back to Compton every night and hang 
out with his homies. I used to tell him, 
“Yo, Aladdin, you look like a gang- 
banger.” It was cool he was going out 
there to hang with his buddies, but 1 
knew that if they committed a crime or 
hurt somebody, Aladdin would be nailed 
because he was making records. The 
cops could get with him. You have to re- 
member, the brothers he’s rolling with 
have the ability to disappear—they're 
unknown. Thats why gang members 
have nicknames. The worst thing you 
can do is call a gangbanger by his last 
name. They purposely keep themselves 
incognito. 

Aladdin knew what was going on, but 
he'd tell me, “I come over here and kick 
it with you and it’s cool, but I got to go 


back to Compton, man. When I go back 
to Compton, just because I know you, 


. everybody thinks I'm a little bit better. So 


I might have to stand out on the corner 
with my boys for an hour or so—and 1 
might not even want to—just to prove 
I'm still down." 

1 told him to start protecting himself. 
‘They might have tried to make him do 
low just out of jealousy, because they 
knew he had a chance out. His true 
homies would be happy for him, but 
those other guys might have challenged 
him by daring him to go out and commit 
a crime with them. They might have 
tried to test his loyalty. Aladdin needed 
to step off and tell them he's not down 
with that. He'd found his way out and he 
was getting paid. If they couldn't under- 
stand that, then fuck 'em. 

Eventually he had to get an apartment 
and move out. But he didn't just move, 
he took his real friends with him. They 
still come over and hang out. Even when 
you're in the neighborhood, it might 
seem like you have a lot of friends, but 


"Safe sex, you know.” 


you actually have only a couple of true 


friends. 
e 


1 don't see the elimination of gangs. 1 
would like to see the elimination of gang 
violence, though. Currently. I'm putting 
time and energy into Hands Across 
Watts, the organization in L.A. that's try- 
ing to see the gang truce through. Many 
of my friends still live in South Central 
or Compton, so every other phone call I 
get is word from the street. I'm what you 
call a shorcaller, so 1 probably know 
more about what's going on in the hood 
than the people who live there. I'm pay- 
ing for funerals and counseling kids to 
quit killing over colors and streets. I'm 
their homeboy who made it, and I'm try- 
ing to sct an cxample that there arc al 
ternatives to violence. 1 hope that peace 
can be instituted 

People have to understand that gang 
warfare is not something that should be 
treated like a minor problem. It's going 
to take a big truce. It will take negotia- 
tions and money. It will require a lot of 
effort to end it. 

Thousands of people have died on 
each side of this bloody battlefield. It's 
not something you can just tell people to 
stop. When you talk to these kids, they 
arc like veterans of war. They are used to 
death. They are used to despair, 

On my record Colors, I rap 


"My color's death 

Though we all want peace 
But this war won't end 
Till all wars cease." 


This gang war is just like any other 
war. If you think it can be easily stopped, 
les go to Northern Ireland and tell 
them to stop. Let's go to Bosnia and tell 
them to quit. Don't call it anything less 
than what it is. Once we accept that, we 
can begin to deal with it. As long as the 
media define these kids as dumb gang 
members, they are undermining their 
efforts and not seeing what these kids 
are going through. 

We can say how stupi how igno- 
rant it is. But understand that you can 
say that about any war. Regard it as such. 

Whenever the U.S. goes to war, there 
is a reason for it and there is money for 
it. But in reality, I can sometimes see 
more sense in the war in these streets 
than in some of the wars overseas. Amer- 
ican soldiers are usually fighting some- 
thing we don't even understand. They 
are fighting for a belief system, while 
these kids are out fighting somebody 
who hurt their family. They're on some 
real shit. Until you've been up and 
around 250-pound dudes crying while 
loading guns, you don't know what it’s 
about. You don't know this is real. Why 
did it happen? 1 don't know. But the 
problem is—the reality is—somebody's 
dead and somebody wants revenge 


KING af Ihe worl (continued from page 108) 


“Incredibly, Rich’s flight made a U-turn at 20,000 
feet and headed back to Switzerland.” 


would one day be driven to corner the 
world’s free-aluminum market. 

Within a ycar of marrying, Rich was 
placed in charge of the Philipp Brothers’ 
office in Madrid and given a seat on the 
company's European management com- 
mittee. Always an insider, he was now 
privy to many of the company's most 
closely held secrets, overseeing virtually 
every trade that Philipp Brothers made 
on the continent, Not content with that, 
he pulled off an extraordinary feat: In 
the late Sixties he invented the spot mar- 
ket for oil. 

After World War Two, the world mar- 
ket was dominated by the Seven Sis- 
ters—companies that controlled the 
price and production of oil [rom well- 
head to gas pump. By tapping suppliers 
in countries that had more oil than scru- 
ples—Iran was such a place— Rich and 
his Philipp associate, Pincus "Pinky" 
Green, were able to buy excess crude 
and sell it to refineries operating at less 
than capacity. The Seven Sisters were by- 
passed, and a gusher had been tapped. 

In the spring of 1973, Rich and Green 
anticipated the huge price increases that 
the Organization of Petroleum Export- 
ing Countries would impose in the au- 
tumn. Acting on tips, possibly from 
sources in Israel, OPEC or the State De- 
partment, they learned that the price of 
oil on the spot market would jump (in 
fact, it would triple) So they bought 
$150 million worth of crude that spring, 
paying $5 a barrel above the spot price 
to get it. 

Not that it did them any good. The re- 
action at Philipp Brothers to such a 
plunge into a nontraditional market was 
unmitigated terror. Rich was forced to 
sell the oil before the embargo took 
place. In effect, the directors of Philipp 
Brothers cashed out before the winning 
hand was played. Belatedly, they real- 
ized their mistake and gave Rich and 
Green a freer hand. The resulting 
profits were enormous. And so were the 
bonuses owed to the two traders. 

When the company refused to pay 
up—the bonus, after all, was as unprece- 
dented as the deal—Rich and Green 
bolted, taking with them a half dozen of 
the firm's best traders. In 1974, armed 
with pledges of as much Iranian oil as 
they could handle, the unlikely pair be- 
gan trading as Marc Rich & Co. AG. 

From the beginning they waged a pri- 
vate war against Philipp Brothers, doing 
everything in their power to destroy the 
company. Secretaries and clerks were 
bribed to provide copies of the opposi- 
tion's telexes, which enabled Rich and 


his cohorts to win contracts by bidding 
only pennies more than Philipp Broth- 
ers for tons of metals and grains. There 
were even allegations that Rich's opera- 
tives had bugged the company's head- 
quarters in New York. 

By the early Eighties, Phibro-Salomon 
(Philipp's name alter a merger with Sal- 
omon Brothers) was reeling, and Marc 
Rich and Co. had an annual turnover in 
excess of $10 billion. And yet, for all of 
those dealings, the company—which was 
operating as a kind of pawnshop for the 
mineral wealth of the Third World—re- 
mained an enigma. Which was just how 
Rich wanted it. 


To many. Rich’s obsession with secrecy 
bordered on paranoia, but the rei 
was that secrecy and profits were ini 
mately linked. To pull off his deals, Rich 
often had to rely on bribery and s 
tions busting. Throughout the Sevei 
and Eighties, for instance, South Africa 
was subject to oil embargoes imposed by 
the United Nations, OPEC and the Eu- 
ropean Community in response to that 
country's apartheid policy. For a com- 

ties trader like Rich, headquar- 
tered in neutral Switzerland, the U 
embargo was made to order. The Afri- 
kaners were happy to pay more than $8 
a barrel over spot, which meant profits 
of more than $100 ¡on on each con- 
tract Rich's company brokered 

Nor was it particularly difficult to find 
a supplier. The Soviet Union needed 
hard currency to buy grain and build 
submarines, and one way to get it was by 
ignoring its own trading sanctions 
against an oil-thirsty country such as 
South Africa. With the buyer and seller 
lined up, all that was necessary was to 
launder the oil through a purposefully 
convoluted series of corporations char- 
tered in such venues as Monaco, 
tenstein and the Cayman Islands. Some- 
times, when the cargo was delivered, the 
tanker would be scuttled and the seamen 
sent home by air. Subsequent invest 
tions would reveal that the missing ship's 
owners were headquartered at a Swiss 
post-office box—on which the monthly 
fee was overdue. 

One such shipment lefi the Black Sea 
in Septemb: ng aboard the 
Dagli, a n oil tanker flying a Nor- 
wegian flag, carrying Soviet oil bought 
by a Greek firm for delivery to Italy. The 
muddled itinerary and ownership made 
tracing next to impossible. The ship 
slipped out through the Straits of Gibral- 
tar, turned south at Tangier, began com- 


municating in code and covered its 
name in tarpaulins. The oil was eventu- 
ally delivered to Cape “Town in mid- 
October. 

According to Amsterdam's Shipping 
Research Bureau, which investigated vi- 
olations of oil embargoes against South 
Africa, "the whole masquerade had been 
set up by the real buyer, Marc Rich, who 
made use of a company that soon after 
ceased operating and another company 
belonging to his empire of which no 
traces are left at all." 

Experts estimate that Marc Rich sup- 
plied at least eight percent of South 
Africa's oil needs during the Eighties, ar- 
ranging for more than 75 secret ship- 
ments from the Soviet Union, the Per- 
sian Gulf and Brunei. The value of those 
shipments was in the billions, and so 
were the profits. But that was only a part 
of Rich's payoff. When Phibro-Salomon 
stopped trading with South Africa in 
1985, responding to anti-apartheid ac- 
tivists in the U.S., Rich quickly stepped 
in to fill the gap, replacing Phibro-Sal- 
omon as the exclusive sales agent for one 
of South Africa's largest lead mines. 

"The South African trade put Rich into 
the sanctions-busting business in a big 
way. Rich must have convinced himself 
that political sanctions did not apply to 
his operations, or, if they did, that clever 
lawyers could get around them. 

It was inevitable, then, that the 1980 
U.S. embargo against Iran was viewed by 
Rich as an opportunity to make a killing. 
Laundering Iranian oil through Panama- 
nian fronts and sham transactions, Rich's 
company was able to subvert price con- 
trols, evade taxes and move hundreds of 
millions of dollars in illicit profits off 
shore. Unfortunately for Rich, however, 
the deals also brought an indictment. 

‘Two Texas oilmen, themselves under 
indictment for daisy-chaining, offered 
up Rich and Green in return for light 
sentences. Rich and his partner were 
each charged with 51 counts of conspira- 
cy, tax evasion, racketeerin, 
with the enemy. Anti 
ment, Rich locked the doors to his ten- 
room apartment on Park Avenue and 
fled New York in early June 1983. A few 
days later, he and his wife were en- 
sconced in Switzerland in a mansion 
overlooking the town of Zug. The indict- 
ment was handed down in Septemb 

Although Rich and Green each may 
face more than 300 years in prison, they 
knew they'd be safe in the Alps. The ex- 
tradition treaty between Washington 
and Bern was so old that it predated the 
income tax itself. It covered murder, 
rape and mayhem, but, the S 
tained, nothing in it applied to the mod- 
ern crimes for which Rich and Green 
had been accused. In essence, since nei- 
ther had strangled anyone, the billion- 
aires were more than welcome to remain 
in Switzerland. 


Meanwhile, at a cost of more than 143 


PLAYBOY 


144 


$10 million, a platoon of brand-name 
lawyers (Edward Bennet Williams, 
Michael Tigar, Boris Kostelanetz and 
others) was deployed to wage a rear- 
guard baule in the States. There the 
courts had blocked some $50 million in 
payments owed to the Marc Rich group 
by other companies, and the prospect of 
property seizures seemed likely. There 
was, in addition, a contempt-of-court fine 
that amounted to $50,000 each day for 
Rich's refusal to surrender subpoenaed 
documents to the U.S. Auorney's office. 

Rich paid the fine by check in twice- 
weekly installments, complaining from 
Switzerland that if he surrendered the 
documents, he would be guilty of busi- 
ness espionage under Swiss law. This 
echoed by the cantonal prose- 
cutor in Zug—though, admittedly, he sat 
on the boards of more than 30 of Rich's 
corporations and so might not have been 
entirely objective. 

Even as the legal battles continued, 
Rich knew that one could do worse than 
to be rich in Zug. With its fiscal 
pheromones of low taxes, bank secrecy 
and lax incorporation requirements, 
Zug had become a mecca for businesses 
that operate on the edge. 

And Marc Rich was in the middle of it. 
His mansion overlooking the Zugersee 
was decorated with Picassos, a Miró and 
a Braque. He skicd at St. Moritz, where 
he maintained a luxurious chalet, and 
began to host a New Year's Eve party for 
tout l'Europe. Placido Domingo was a 
guest, along with a constellation of other 
celebrities. Rich attended charity balls in 
Geneva and Lucerne, where he gave 
generously to the fight against fashion- 
able diseases, and he caused a stir at the 
World Economic Forum in Davos. 

Taking a page from the extraditables in 
Colombia, he bought the approval of the 
little guy in Zug by pouring money into 
the local sports franchise, dramatically 


vi 


wow 


CRES 


improving the fortunes of the Zug hock- 
ey team (now one of Switzerland's best), 
When the Jamaicans began to complain 
about Rich's hammerlock on their alu- 
minum indusiry, Rich responded by un- 
derwriting the costs of the country's bob- 
sled team at the 1988 Olympics. 

Denise Rich, meanwhile, was making 
it big on her own. In 1985, a Sister 
Sledge rendition of one of her songs, 
Frankie, topped the British charts for 
weeks, selling more than 750,000 co] 
Denise followed Frankie's success with 
her own album, Sweet Pain of Love, which 
may or may not have been inspired by 
her husband's pursuit of beautiful aristo- 
crats. In any cvent, the fugitive was now 
marricd to a rock star who appeared on 
European TV, 


In the shadow of the Brooklyn Bridge, 
in a washed-out office with cipher locks 
on the door and a metal detector at the 
entrance downstairs, a federal marshal 
was plotting to bust Marc Rich. Indeed, 
Rich and Pinky Green were the sum of. 
his caseload, and they occupied every 
hour of his day. The marshal spoke reg- 
ularly with Rich's rivals, with would-be 
bounty hunters, disaffected employees 
and customs officials and cops in the 
most remote corners of the world. He 
knew who Rich slept with, where he had 
dinner and how much he drank. From 
time to time he packed a valise and went 
after the fugitives, but the operations he 
mounted were never successful. 

Learning that Rich was en route by 
private jet to Helsinki, he arranged for 
the plane to be met by police. Incredibly, 
Rich's flight made a U-turn at 20,000 
feet and headed back to Switzerland. A 
more ingenious plan required the coop- 
eration of the Jeppesen Sanderson com- 
pany, which has a near monopoly on the 
sale of aeronautical charts. Knowing that 


“ITS MY HRW AuTo: THEFT-PREVENTION DEVICE. 
I CALL AT THe CLUB." 


Rich's widespread business interests re- 
quired him to fly to some of the world's 
most remote places, the marshal asked 
the company to tip him off whenever 
Rich's pilots requested new charis. 
Jeppesen Sanderson refused to help 

And so it went: The marshal couldn't 
get the cooperation he needed, and 
whenever a trap was » Rich eluded it. 
Clearly, Rich had beuer spies than the 
U.S. Marshals Service could muster 


A lesser man might have been content 
to cut his losses and enjoy his millions in 
the Alps. But not Marc Rich Although 
his companies had been indicted oi 
array of serious charges, and he hin 
was reduced to the status of fugitive 
racketeer, Rich still wanted to do busi- 
ness in America. All he needed was 
someone to front for him until 
lawyers could reach a settlement with 
the Justice Department 

The line between chutzpah and hubris 
is a thin one, and Rich crossed it when 
he sent a trader named Bob Tribbett to 
New York in May 1984, instructing him 
to arrange a soybean transaction with 
Romania. It wasn't a big deal by Rich's 
standards, only $24.5 million, but it was 
obviously important to him because, in 
the end, it cost him millions and taught 
him a dangerous lesson: Fugitives are 
fair game. 

To complete the deal Rich proposed, 
"Iribbett hired Robert Whitehead, an in- 
vesunent banker, unaware that White- 
head was hooked up with the FBI and 
the DEA, for whom he was a contract in- 
formant. Whitehead's office suite, tele- 
phones, car and private plane were 
bugged. 

None of this was known to Rich or 
Tribbett, who had other things on their 
minds, not the least of which was an un- 
usually sensitive transaction with Iran. 
Four years earlier, when the American 
government left Iran to the Ayatollah 
Khomeini and the mullahs, U.S. military 
attachés and advisors sabotaged comput- 
erized records and equipment, includ- 
ing anti-aircraft missiles, the guidance 
systems of which were removed by de- 
parting American advisors. 

Enter Mare Rich. 

According to Whitehead, and as Trib- 
bett confirms, Rich used his contacts to 
n n gas-fired gyroscopes from North 

rea, providing them to the Iranians as 
us for the missing guidance 
systems. Suddenly, at a crucial poi 
the Iran-Iraq war, Iranian missiles be- 
came a factor. It as if Marc Rich had 
delivered an entire inventory of missiles 
to the ayatollah's forces—long before 
Irangate. (It would be a year before 
Iranian, Israeli and U.S. negotiators 
would meet in Europe for the first time 
to discuss swapping Hawk missiles for 
U.S. hostages in Lebanon.) What Rich 


got in return for the gyroscopes is un- 
known—Tribbett won't say—but put 

the ayatollah in his debt could not have 
hurt his position as one of the world's 
largest independent oil brokers. 

Meanwhile, even as the gyroscope 
deal went down with Iran, Whitehead 
obtained a $24.5 million loan from the 
Marine Midland Bank for the soybean 
transaction. ‘Tribbett says that White- 
head supposed to receive about 
$35,000 from the Marc Rich organi 
tion for his part in the deal, but White- 
head ad: that he took about $5 mil- 
lion instead. 

The FBI confirms that figure as the 
amount that went missing on White- 
head's watch, though what happened to 
the money is unclear. Tribbett suggests 
that Marine Midland used the funds to 
head's other debits at the 
bank. Whitehead's FBI handler has a 
different explanation: "To tell you the 
truth, I think he just pissed it away." 

In any event, Rich found a better way 
to do business in the U.S. while still on 
the run. In the fall of 1984, lawyers for 
Rich and the U.S. Attorney's office for 
the Southern District of New York ar- 
rived at a compromise. Marc Rich & Co. 
AG, and Clarendon, Ltd. (formerly Marc 
Rich International) pleaded guilty to 
dozens of criminal charges, sustaining 
$171 million in fines (including $21 mil- 
lion for contempt of court in refusing 
to surrender subpoenaed documents). 
Rich raised the money by selling a 50 
percent interest in Twentieth Century 
Fox to oilman Marvin Davis. with whom 
he had co-owned the studio. From then 
on, the U.S. government had no further 
claim on Rich's companies, though Rich 
himself remained a wanted man. 


. 
Today. Rich's biggest play is under 
way in what was formerly the Soviet 


Union and the Eastern Bloc. Brimming 
with natural resources, "the Wild E; 
a political and economic mess. A diverse 
group of ministries holds sway over a 
mélange of ethnic mafias, born-again 
capitalists, footloose KGB agents and 
what used to be called “the masses." It is 
a world in which billions of dollars in So- 
viet gold reserves have been looted by 
Communist Party apparatchiks, at least 
three of whom are reported to have cart- 
whecled to their deaths from the 
dows of Moscow office buildings. 
The once vast reserves of Soviet gold 
have dwindled toward z while more 
than 1000 tons of gold have been smug- 
gled out of the country to Zurich and 
"Tokyo aboard military cargo planes and 
Aeroflot flights. Under-the-table trans- 
actions by the managers of mines, along 
e shipments by factory 
supervisors, are now so frequent that 
border republics such as Latvia and Es- 
tonia have become major exporters of 


PLAYBOY expands your pur- 
chasing power by providing a 
list of retailers and manufac- 
turers you can contact for in- 
formation on where io find 
this month’s merchandise. To 
buy the apparel and equip- 
ment shown on pages 20, 26, 
106-107 and 157, check the 
listings below to find the 
slores nearest you. 


STYLE 
Page 20: "Tied to a Cause": Ties: By 
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wide. By Lorenzo Véga, available at 
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212-333-4040 and select Saks Fifth Av- 
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way Cares/Equity Fights AIDS, available at 
fine department and specialty stores 
nationwide. By Wemco, available at Mer- 
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312-404-9696, 700 Vernon, Glencoe, 
IL, 708-835-1846 and 939 N. Rush, 
Chicago, 312-943-8676 or 800-235- 
9005. By Cotton Stuff, available at fine 
stores nationwide. Shirts: By O wear, 
available at Pure Evolution at Fred Se- 
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4368. By Donna Karan, available at se- 
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and select Saks Fifth Avenue stores. 
Money clip with coin purse by Salvatore 
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Honolulu, 808-971-4202. Wallets: By 
Harley-Davidson, to order call 800-cLus- 
noc. By De Vecchi, available at Bergdorf 
Goodman Men, 745 Fifth Ave., N.Y.C., 
219-753-7300. "Hot Shopping: Park 
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East, Deer Valley, 801-649-2335. Cole 
Sport, 1615 Park Ave., 801-649-4806. 
Hay Charlie, 541 Main St, 801-649- 
7767. The Factory Stores at Park City. 
6699 Landmark Dr., 801-645-7078. La 
Niche Gourmet & Gifts, 401 Main 


HOW TO BUY 


St, 801-649-2372. The 
ng Frog Grill 368 
Main St, 801-649-6222 
"Clothes Suits 


stores na- 
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by Allen-Edmonds, for in- 
formation or store loca- 
tions, 800-235-2348. T- 
shirts by Harley-Davidson, 
for information, 800-443- 
2153. Shoes by Nile, for 
store nearest you, 800-462-7363. 


WIRED 

Page 26: “Lost and Found in America": 
Global-positioning systems: By Sony, 
for information, 800-937-7669. By Mo- 
torola, for information, 800-421-2477. 
By Micrologic, for information, 818-998- 
1216. By Panasonic, for information, 
201-348-9090. “Get the Message”: Dig- 
ital telephone answering devices: By 
Toshiba, for information, 800-631-3811. 
By Panasonic, for information, 201-348- 
9090. By Phonemate, for information, 
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tions, for information, 800-456-5513. 


GETTING THE BOOT 

Pages 106-107: Cowboy boots by Aiti- 
tude, available at Pop Cowboy, 285 Am- 
sterdam Ave., N.Y.C., 212-496-6700. 
Military boots by Georgia Boot, available 
at David Z, 17 W. Eighth St, N.Y.C., 
212-475-9759; Village Cobbler, 60 W. 
Eighth St, N.Y.C., 212-673-8530 and 
738 Broadway, N.Y.C., 212-460-8532. 
Hiking boots by Dexter, available at Fa- 
mous Barr stores nationwide. Boots: By 
Kenneth Cole, available at Saks Fifth Av- 
enue, Dayton’s, Hudson's and Marshall 
Field's stores nationwide. By Impulse for 
Steeplegate, available at McCreedy & 
Schreiber, 37 W. 46th St, N.Y.C., 212- 
719-1552 and 213 W. 59th St, N.Y.C., 
212-759-9241, Giorgio Brutini, 125 
Church St., N. , 212-964-6874 and 
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Engineer boots by Dingo, for informa- 
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ON THE SCENE 

Page 157: Paging devices: By Hewlett 
Packard, for information, 800-443-1254. 
By Motorola, for information, 800-892- 
3068. By NEC, for information, 800- 
225-5664. By Swatch, for store locations, 
800-8-swirch. 


145 


PLAYBOY 


copper, nickel and aluminum—even 
though none of these metals is produced 
in either country. Meanwhile, privatiza- 
tion continues with all the deliberation 
of a national fire sale. 

n other words, just the sort of 
place in which a man like Rich can make 
ng. Who's to stop him? In 1992 the 
Russian government considered posing 
a moratorium on all business dealings 
with Marc Rich & Co. AG pending "a 
thorough investigation." Other allega- 
tions surfaced that Rich has been illegal- 
ly exporting raw materials, bribing gov- 
ernment officials and aiding capital 
flight from the country. 

Despite the official pronouncements 
against him, Rich has seen his operations 
in the former Soviet Union grow expo- 
nentially in the past year. Where ten em- 
ployees once sufficed, 150 have now 
been hired, and the company's regional 
turnover is in the billions. Rich and his 
colleagues have stepped into the void 
left by the shattered Communist infra- 
structure, taking over many of the func- 
tions once carried out by Soviet trading 
organs. 


e 


In this, the man in the Mercedes has 
been abetted almost as much by his con- 
tacts as by the vaults of currency at his 
command. And of those contacts, none 
are more colorful or well-connected in 
intelligence circles than an Orthodox 
rabbi named Ronald Greenwald. 

A Brooklyn boyhood chum of Pinky 
Green's, Greenwald is both a rabbi and a 
commodities dealer. As an agent for 
Marc Rich in New York, he is also one of 
those rare spiritual advisors who find it 
necessary to deny that he's a CIA agent 
and/or a front for the Mossad. Affable 
and wry, the Reb is himself an important 
player in war-torn Tajikistan, where con- 
voys of aluminum are escorted by pri- 
vate armies in the Reb's employ. 

Meanwhile, there are signs that 
Greenwald's persistent lobbying for Rich 
and Green's freedom from their pend- 
ing indicuments, in tandem with the ef- 
forts of Leonard Garment and former 
Justice Department official Brad Reyn- 
olds, is having an effect. When Repre- 
sentative Bob Wise (D-W. Va.) convened 
a subcommittee hearing two years ago 
on Capitol Hill, seeking to learn why the 
Justice Department has been unable to 
nab one of the most conspicuous fugi- 
tives in the world, representatives from 
Justice at first refused to appear before 
the subcommittee and then stonewalled 
it. Wise was outraged. 

‘This isnt your average miscreant 
who has fled the country for knocking 
over 15 7-Elevens and is kicking around 
the dock at seilles,” he said. 
Marc Rich operating with total impunity 
out of a tall office building in Switzer- 


146 land. Why hasn't this been made a prior- 


ity?" He noted that Rich is under ind 
ment for trading with the enemy and for 
"the biggest tax fraud in history." 

Despite the seriousness of the charges, 
Wise said, there seems to be “a lack of 
political will” to apprehend Rich and 
Green. Wise pointed out that the gov- 
ernment has yet to publish a reward for 
their arrests or, for that matter, a want- 
ed poster. Despite the severity of their 
crimes, Wise noted, neither man is 
among the 15 most-wanted fugitives cur- 
rently being sought by the U.S. Marshals 
Service—though several thugs who have 
knocked over 7-Elevens are prominent 
on the list. 

Calling the case “strange,” the sub- 
committee criticized Justice for its “lack 
of relentlessness” and cited numerous 
failures in the department's handling of 
the case. The worst of these may well 
have been its failure “to ensure that, at a 
minimum, the fugitives do not make 
money from the U.S. government." 

Until recently, Rich and his companies 
have continued to do business—big busi 
ness—with the U.S. government, despite 
Rich’s status as a fugitive. The Commod- 
dit Corporation has enabled the 

llionaire to sell American grai 
by providing more than $50 million in 
export subsidies to one of Rich's compa- 
nies. As bizarre as this may seem, an 
even greater irony rests with the U.S. 
Mints reliance on Marc Rich for the cop- 
per, nickel and zinc that it needs. Be- 
tween 1989 and 1992, the Rich organiza- 
tion sold more than $45 million in metal 
to the Mint. 

‘Through the efforts of Congressmen 
Dan Glickman and Bob Wise, Rich i 
no longer doing business with the CCC 
or the Mint But not much else has 
changed. There is no evidence that the 
Justice Department has acted on recom- 
mendations made by Congress 

On the contrary, the only change 
known to have taken place is that the 
hardworking marshal, who knew more 
about Rich and Green than perhaps any- 
one else in government, has been take 
off the case and rcassigned to Tampa. 

‘To anyone attending the Wise hear- 
ings, the conclusion was virtually in- 
escapable that Rich and Green are be- 
ing protected—and not just by the Sw; 
and the Colombians. (A well-informed 
source at a financial reporting service 
says that G ally moved to 
Bogotá, wher y suppose, he's 
joined the ranks of the extraditables.) 

One can speculate about the sources 
of Rich's protection in the federal gov- 
ernment. He is, after all, in an excellent 
position to further certain U.S. foreign 
policy objectives and to satisfy various in- 
telligence requirements in Third World 
countries. It would hardly be surprising, 
then, if the State Department, Cl 
National Security Council were to enlist 
the help of a fugitive with Rich's broad 


cess and enormous means. 

It should be remembered, too, that 
Rich has a complex and intriguing rela- 
tionship with the Justice Department. 
When Congressman Wise questioned 
Justice about its contacts with Rich's at- 
torneys and other agents, seeking to 
make a deal on his behalf, the depart- 
ment refused to discuss the matter. Why 
Justice should stonewall Congress on be- 
half ofa fugitive is uncertain, though few 
would doubt that the wall was built to 
conceal the fact that Rich is working with 
Justice (and quite possibly with other 
agencies) on what can only be called 
"special projects." 

In the past year or so, the Justice De- 
partment has quietly inserted two sealed 
envelopes into Rich's court file. While 
those envelopes are not to be opened 
unless Rich is brought before the court, 
there can be no doubt that the contents 
of at least one envelope pertain to Rich's 
efforts to help the Justice Department 
nab other fugitives. 

One such fugitive is Tom Billman. Ac- 
cused of stealing more than $100 million 
from a Washington, D.C.-area S&L, Bill- 
man was apprehended in Paris last 
spring alter leading the authorities on 
an around-the-world chase that lasted 
more than three years. At the time of his 
arrest, the globe-trotting embezzler was 
prominent on the U. Marshals’ 15 
most-wanted list and living under an as- 
sumcd name. 

Rich's contribution to Billman’s ap- 
prehension was to hire an Israeli private 
eye, the same Avner Azulay who checked 
out Rich's girlfriend, to help track down 
Billman. With a hefty budget. Azulay 
paid out more than $200 an hour to pri- 
vate intelligence agencies in London, 
New York and Washington, instructing 
them to track Billman's movements and 
money in Europe and Asia. The infor- 
mation that Azulay received was then 
provided to U.S. officials, and the rest 
(or, at least, Billman) was history. 
Whether Billman's arrest was a direct re- 
sult of Rich's efforts is unknown. The 
Justice Department won't say, and Rich 
would under no circumstances want to 
take credit for helping the U.S. track 
down its enemies, some of whom are his 
business partners. 

The contents of the second envelope 
are a mystery, but may have to do with 
rumors that Rich and Greenwald played 
a key role in arranging the 1992 expul- 
sion of East German leader ch Ho- 
necker from Moscow to Berlin, where, 
alter an abortive trial, he was permitted 
for reasons of health to leave Germany 
for residence in Chile. 

Asked about Honecker and Billman, 
Greenwald shrugs. “There are rumors,” 
he says with a smile. And then he 
shrugs again. “With Marc, there are al- 


ways rumors. 


THELMA AND LOUISE continued from page 35) 


“Do you realize how many people would die every Fri- 


day night if you shot people for saying suck 1 


cock?” 


Even Hal, the one good cop, the one 
with an ounce of humanity, the one 
who's trying to save these women’s 
lives—even he is finally disposed of as 
just another man. He gives Louise her 
last chance to give up and turn herself. 
in. “I feel like I know you,” he tells her. 

This makes her extremely angry, an- 
gry out ofall proportion to what he said. 
Because this is near the end of the 
movie, and by the end of the movie all 
men are the enemy. No man has a right 
to say, “I feel like I know you." It must be 
a manipulation. And so she answers with 
a sigh: "You don't." 

I've saved Harlan for last. You remem- 
ber Harlan. Harlan is the guy they meet 
in the dark, dingy bowels of that over- 
whelmingly male institution, the road- 
house. In fact, it's the Silver Bullet Bar. 
(Symbolism! Symbolism!) One of Har- 
lan's opening lines is something about 
"such purty ladies as yourself,” after 
which he dances with Thelma while 
holding a Miller longneck over her 
shoulder. Thelma gets sick, and so this 
sleaze sees his chance to take advantage 
of her. He takes her to the parking lot, 
grabs her, feels her, slaps her, makes her 
cry, becomes viciously violent when he 
gets slapped back, and then attempts to 
rape her. All this stops when Louise puts 
a gun to Harlan's neck, says "Let her go” 
and calls him an asshole. 

But here's the difference between 
Thelma & Louise and a Charles Bronson 
movie. Charles Bronson kills criminals 
for what they do. Louise kills Harlan 
largely for what he says. He says three 
things, and each one of them makes 
Louise just a little angrier. 

First Harlan says, "Calm down. We 
was just having a little fun, that’s all.” 

And Louise seems to be willing to let 
this guy off with a lesson. She says, "In 
the future, when a woman is crying like 
that, she isn't having any fun." 

But, as soon as the women start walk- 
ing away, the redneck from hell decides 
to taunt them: "Bitch! [ should have 
gone ahead and fucked her." 

Louise can't stand it. So she turns 
around, ready to teach him a stronger 
lesson: "What did you say?" 

“I said, ‘Suck my cock. 

And immediately the guy is dead. 
Bang. Dead. She looks at his corpse and 
says, "You watch your mouth, buddy.” 

The next question is, why doesn’t 
Louise go to the police, like Thelma asks 
her to? And the answer is, all the police 
are Boudoir-reading males, and they 


wouldn't believe the jerk was attempting 
rape. And, even if they did, the attempt- 
ed rape was over when the killing oc- 
curred. (A better reason would be that 
the police would believe her story, but, 
being good policemen, would say, “Let 
me get this straight. You killed him for 
saying ‘suck my cock? Do you realize 
how many people would die every Fri- 
day night in Arkansas if you could shoot 
people for saying suck my cock?") 

I don't even think Harlan's crime was 
that he tried to rape Thelma. Because 
Callie Khouri, the screenwriter, could 
have easily allowed him to be successful 
at raping her, and then the homicide 
would be more justifiable. And it wasn't 
that he said "suck my cock." It was that 
he paid no respect to a woman. It's like a 
Mafia code thing. He made jokes and 
smartass remarks when he should have 
been saying, "I apologize." 

Lack of respect is the theme. It's not 
really a pro-female movie. It ale. 
Louise and Thelma might bicker about 
everything else in the world, but on one 
thing they agree: Men are the cause of 
everyone's problems. And the reason is 
thar they have no respect. 

Even though Louise shoots Harlan, 
Thelma makes it clear that she supports 
the killing and thinks it was the morally 
correct thing to do. In fact, it enhanced 
her life: “At least now I'm having some 
fun. And I'm not sorry that sumbitch is 
dead. I'm just sorry it was you that did it 
and not me.” 

In fact, this movie is not much about 
Louise at all. The whole story is the edu- 


cation of Thelma, converting her from a 
lover of men to a hater of men. (Remem- 
ber how frisky toward men she is in the 
early scenes, planning Darryl’s dinner, 
jumping up to dance at the Silver Bullet, 
whimpering like a puppy so that Louise 
will let her pick up the hitchhiker? And 
remember how hard and brutal she is at 
the end? That's when we're supposed to 
say, “Well, thank God, Thelma has final- 
ly got her head screwed on straight. Of 
course, she’s about to die, and take her 
friend with her, but at least she has her 
political opinions in order.”) 

You can't blame Callie Khouri or di- 
rector Ridley Scott for what the women 
of America thought this movie was. 
They're not respons somebody 
takes a cartoon and acts like it’s a Picasso. 
In fact, Thelma & Louise is nothing more 
nor less than a great exploitation movie. 
The Great Texas Dynamite Chase, which 
came out in 1977, is basically the same 
story, and Assault of the Killer Bimbos, 
which came out in 1988, has many re- 
semblances as well. The only difference 
among the three movies is that Thelma & 
‚Louise claims to be serious in intent. 

But after hearing for the past ten 
years about the way women are treated 
in male movies, I have to say this: 

Charles Bronson never killed anybody 
for saying "suck my cock." 

Jason never killed anybody because 
they were the wrong sex. 

Even Leatherface, the original chain- 
saw killer, had his limits. And he had the 
moral advantage of being crazy. 

I've seen 40,000 exploitation movies 
in my lifetime, and I'd just like to say, 
This one is scary. 

I have seen the future, and it has a lot 
of lesbians in it. 


"When you patted me on the buit in 
the second quarter, Winslow, I sensed a tenderness seldom 
found in a linebacker.” 


147 


PETE TOWNSHEND (continue rom page 60) 


“Tt was a big scandal, which is silly. If I were bisexual, 
it would be no big deal in the music industry.” 


PLAYBOY 


difference between what I'm doing now 
and the Who. That's what threw me into 
an exploration of real life for the first 
time: when 1 left the Who. 

PLAYBOY: What was it like when you be- 
gan to perform on your own? 
TOWNSHEND: It was scary, but it was a re- 
lief, because I could do what I wanted. 
PLAYBOY: How is your audience different 
from the Who's audience? 

TOWNSHEND: I released Empty Glass and 
then went on to do the Who tour, and I 
could see the difference immediately. 
There were all these girls coming back- 
stage, asking, “Which one of you wrote 
Let My Love Open Your Door?” So there 
were all these girls, very different from 
the Who audience, the Who Rottweilers, 
I called them. Even the women were 
quite macho—they had to be to survive 
the front-row nonsense. Maybe five per- 
cent of the audience was female at Who 
concerts, whereas I seem to have a 
mixed audience. Then I started to get 
letters from young gay men who were 
delighted with Rough Boys, because they 
thought that 1 had come out, so they 
were in the audience, too. 

PLAYBOY: What was behind all the re- 
ports of your coming out? 

TOWNSHEND: It was that song, which is 
ironic because the song is actually taunt- 
ing both the homosexuals in America— 
who were, at the time, dressing them- 
selves up as Nazi generals—and the 
punks in Britain dressing the same way. 
1 thought it was great that these tough 
punks were dressing as homosexuals 
without realizing it. I did an interview 
about it, saying that Rough Boys was 
about being gay, and in the interview I 
also talked about my “gay life,” which—I 
meant—was actually about the friends 
I've had who are gay. So the interviewer 
kind of dotted the t's and crossed the i's 
and assumed that this was a coming out, 
which it wasn't at all. But I became an 
object of ridicule when it was picked up 
in England. It was a big scandal, which is 
silly. If I were bisexual, it would be no 
big deal in the music industry. If I ran 
down a list of the men who have tried to 
get me into bed, I could bring down 
quite a few big names in the music busi- 
ness. And no, | won't do it. 

PLAYBOY: In the recent unauthorized bi- 
ography of Mick Jagger, he vas said to 
have had affairs with almost every pop 
star there is. 

TOWNSHEND: Yeah, and if you ever tried 
to pin him down about it, I don't 
he would disclaim it because he's smart 
enough to know there's value in that 
148 mystery. In my roasting of the Stones at 


their induction into the Rock & Roll Hall 
of Fame, I joked about the fact that I am 
one of the few people lücky enough to 
have slept with Mick Jagger [laughs]. So 
when it all came out about me, I fought 
like hell not to comment. 
PLAYBOY: Do you like to keep people 
guessing? 
TOWNSHEND: No. But I don't want to let 
anybody down. I don't want to let it be 
known that it is in any sense an impor- 
tant part of my sell ge to be thought 
of as a breeder. I don't want to deny bi- 
sexuality as if I were being accused of 
child molestation or murder, as if it were 
some crime or something to be ashamed 
of, because that would be cruel to people 
who are gay. But I was bitter and angry 
at the way the truth had been distorted 
and decided never to do any interviews 
again. Not because I had been manipu- 
lated but because I didn't trust myself to 
be precise about what I was saying. 
PLAYBOY: When the tabloids were after 
s it difficult for your family? 
: It was. But what is interest- 
ing is that sensational journalism is far 
less damaging to us as a family than a 
deep, incistve interview like this one. 
PLAYBOY: But we're printing your words. 
TOWNSHEND: Precisely. I'm saying things 
to you that my family has never heard 
before, You don't have this kind of con- 
versation with your children or with 
your wife 
PLAYBOY: Do they feel betrayed? 
TOWNSHEND: That's right My older 
daughter is 24 and is brilliantly smart, 
well-educated and hip, but she is a little 
emotionally frail in our relationship. She 
has said that it is awful to pick up a 
newspaper and read something she 
didn't know about me. It's like some- 
thing had been kept from her, But much 
of what comes up in interviews is psy- 
chotherapy rather than fact. And 1 don't 
always manage to say what I 
say anything that means anythi 
that doesn't stop me from saying it. 
[Laughs] Every time I read an interview 
with me I think, Oh, fuck, why don't you 
shut up and play the guitar. I once got a 
great letter from Keith Richards after he 
had read an interview of mine. It just 
said, “Dear Pete, Shut up!" 
PLAYBOY: In spite of a well-publicized 
separation in the early Eighties, your 
marriage is one of rock and roll's longest 
lasting. How has it survived? 
TOWNSHEND: My vife doesn't like me to 
talk about us particularly, for obvious 
reasons, but I think she would allow me 
10 say that we work on having as normal 
a family life for our kids as we can possi- 


bly have in the world of show business. 
Sometimes that gets a bit distorted be- 
cause my childhood was not exactly nor- 
mal. My childhood was a show-business 
life, I keep saying to my wife, "This i 
normal. The crazier I am, the more nor- 
mal it gets for me.” But all the crazy stuff 
is not what I'm interested in. I'm far 
more interested in holding my family to- 
gether, being married for 27 years and 
bringing up a decent family with decent. 
principles in a decent neighborhood. 
PLAYBOY: How is being the parent of 
your young son different from when 
your daughters were young? 
TOWNSHEND: When my daughters were 
kids I was in dreamland. I wasn't at all 
conscious of when I was hurting them or 
when 1 was helping. I wasn't clear about 
the difference. I think I am now with my 
three-and-a-half-year-old boy, which my 
daughters could well resent. 

PLAYBOY: Are they Who fans? 
TOWNSHEND: My daughters, who are 22 
and 24 and at universities, arc much less 
convinced that my work has any impor- 
tance at all, far less than their friends, be- 
cause they were on the inside. They saw 
that what I was doing was causing great 
difficulties at home. It seems that if you 
supposedly have a great vision, you have 
to step on your own people to achieve it. 
Ius kind of ridiculous. But we in rock 
and roll are slow learners. 

PLAYBOY: Do you ever think of getting 
the Who together again? 

TOWNSHEND: Well, we did it in 1989. 
PLAYBOY: There were reports that money 
was the reason for that comeback tour. 
TOWNSHEND: Not at all, though none of 
us minded the money. That tour was an 
unadulterated celebration of 25 years of 
the Who, donc exactly the way I wanted 
it to be done, with a big bang. I could 
have gone out with an acoustic guitar, 
Neil Young style, on my own, but that 
was not the way to bring out the Who. 
PLAYBOY: Are there suggestions that you 
get together again? 

TOWNSHEND: The others occasionally ap- 
proach me. Roger, in particular. But the 
truth is that if we were to do it now it 
would come from a place that is not so 
much dominated by money but rather 
by deep, deep insecurity. 

PLAYBOY: Why? 

TOWNSHEND: I have a young son. I want 
to be around him. I don't want to be out 
fucking doing a stadium gig when I 
should be taking him to school. 
PLAYBOY: Are you annoyed by the sug- 
gestion that you should get back with 
Roger and John? 

TOWNSHEND: It’s a natural thing, though 
Neil Young doesn't like all the old 
groups getting together. He goes on 
about all us dinosaurs digging out our 
old songs forever. But as John Lennon 
said, “It takes a hypocrite to know a hyp- 
ocrite.” 1 mean, Neil Young sings that 
“it's better to burn out than to fade 
away,” and you can't stay in the blue 


once you've been in the black, but what 
does he do? How does he continue to 
function as an artist? I respect what he's 
saying and 1 know that he really believes 
and means it, but we all do it. I'm proud 
of the work I've done, which doesn't 
mean that I am not even more involved 
in new work. He has this thing about 
rocks purity, which 1 admire, but I 
wouldn't try to shoot somebody out of 
the sky for trying to sell music and make 
money because in some way it under- 
mined the dream. What in the fuck is the. 
dream? Talking about how the dream 
has been ruined doesn't attend to the 
fact that Neil Young was bricfly attached 
to Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young, which in 
itself was an enormous cash-in. 

PLAYBOY: He's talking more about the 
spirit of rock and roll—that it isn’t about 
rehash, not about money. It's about what 
is new, about the spirit of youth. 
TOWNSHEND: | understand that, and I 
even agree with it partly, but that is not 
what rock and roll is about now. Maybe 
these guys now, Bon Jovi and Guns n' 
Roses, are more honest about it. They're 
not pretending to be able to change the 
world. They're just saying, "Listen, we 
can entertain you. You can have fun. 
Hang out with us. Get laid." 

PLAYBOY: Didn't the Who advocate those 
things, too? 

TOWNSHEND: Yeah, but a radical differ- 
ence between the big engines of mai 
stream rock now—making and plowing 
through loads ol money—and then is 
that we were in a time of absolute inno- 
vation. We were discovering something. 
The stone has already been turned. 
There's nothing left to discover. The 
bands now have to cope with that. 
PLAYBOY: Neil Young also criticizes 
groups for selling out their music by ad- 
vertising products. 

TOWNSHEND: Yeah. He doesn't like to see 
megabucks groups get together and pay 
for their charter plane by selling spon- 
sorships to a beer company. But the fact 
is that our music, his music, all the music 
of the bands from that era is constantly 
used to sell products through radio, and 
we have absolutely no financial involve- 
ment in that. Companies are selling 
pharmaceuticals made in India that nd 
polluing the water supply Timber 
products made of mahogany that comes 
from rain forests. Neil has this sense that 
it’s bad for me to use See Me, Feel Me or 
Pinball Wizard anymore, but I'd much 
prefer to have control of my own life and 
career and exploit my own music. And 
now, as Tommy has shown, the audience 
for rock and roll is everyone, the main- 
stream culture, which Mr. Rust may not 
like. But the mainstream is ready to re- 
ceive rock and roll with open arms pre- 
cisely because it is toothless. 


TOWNSHEND: All rock and roll is tooth- 
less. It's a toothless form. Nirvana, Guns 
n’ Roses, Bon Jovi, Pearl Jam, Public En- 


emy—however big, strong and powerful 
they are, and no matter the megabucks 
they get, they're still toothless. 

PLAYBOY: Is there anyone in rock who is 
not toothless? 

TOWNSHEND: It's not that they don't have. 
the rock-and-roll dream. I hope it’s not a 
dream frozen in the mid-Seventies. But 1 
had to movc on, which is where Broad- 
way and storytelling in music come in. 
For others, maybe there is some music 
with teeth, but I haven't heard it. They 
are all pretending. The bands out there 
don't scare me and they don't scare any- 
body else. 

PLAYBOY: Is rock about scaring people? 
TOWNSHEND: It was, but not anymore. It 
isn't my problem. I'm 48 years old. I 
don't have to scare anybody anymore. I 
have children and 1 want them to be 
happy and secure. I want them to feel 
comfortable with my work. I don't want 
to scare them. Rock and roll has been 
harnessed by enormous media and com- 
mercial conglomerates. All of it. 
PLAYBOY: Is rock and roll 
TOWNSHEND: You know, there were times 
when I would talk freely about rock and 
roll as though I were the only person in 
the universe who knew what it was 
about Now I don't give a shit. I don't 
want to talk about rock and roll. Let's 
stop talking about rock and roll. 1 don't 
know anything about rock and roll. Lre- 
ally don't. I don't know what it is. I don't 
know what it was. | certainly don't know 
where it's going. The only thing that is 
important is what it was shooting for. 
What we can still shoot for. 

PLAYBOY: Which is? 

TOWNSHEND: Rock and roll in the Sixties 
and Seventies was shooting for an idcal- 
ism, a utopianism, that is still worth 
shooting for. It is exactly what sensible, 
logical, pragmatic, well-rounded, disci- 
plined Western civilization needs. We 
need to open our hearts a bit, which was 
something we had time for in the Sixties. 
PLAYBOY: Is this Pete Townshend, noted 
cynic, pining for the Sixties? 
TOWNSHEND: | think people who were 
searching for something back then were 
disappointed that we didn't actually 
come up with concrete solutions. In frus- 
tration there is an attitude that all we did 
then was get laid and take drugs. For 
a while, the generation subsequent to 
mine, the punk generation, was saying 
that to us. They were saying, “Well, you 
fucked up. You had all the opportunities 
and you fucked up.” I think they were 
right. And I don’t see that much has 
changed. It's why, in 1982, in the middle 
of a Who recording session, I said, “This 
is it. I've had it. Goodbye. I'm out. It's 
done.” Then the lads all said, “You can't 
” and I said, “The fuck I can't." 
They said, "But we'll have to pay back 
[Warner chief] Mo Austin his $2 mil- 
lion!" and I said, "Listen, if I have to 
work for the rest of my fucking life to 
pay him back Fil do it, but I'm out. It's 


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over. I'm going." But maybe it took until 
then because to have done so earlier 
would have meant the end of my dream, 
the rock-and-roll dream. 

PLAYBOY: What rock-and-roll dream? 
TOWNSHEND: That rock and roll was big- 
ger than our lives, that it could raise us 
up. | mean, it can raise people up—I get 
letters from people who tell me that the 
music does that for them. But the dream 
was that it could accomplish more, and I 
believe that there is a longing for that 
dream again. That is what many people 
seem to respond to when they see Tommy. 
They share roots of the early rock ideol- 
ogy of communality—"If we get together 
we can change the world.” They still 
want that to be true, but they've given 
up trying. They wanted answers, but 
they've given up the search. They've ac- 
tually had to, because life is too compli- 
cated. The spoiled-brat generation of 
the early Sixties grew up. They had rela- 
tively wealthy parents who were briefly 
willing to go along with their kids’ de- 
sire to go to Woodstock, to Monterey, 
to wherever. But eventually they said, 
“Pursue this nonsense if you want, but 
pay for it yourself” When that hap- 
pened all the seekers of the truth got fed 
up with their truth seeking when they 
had to fit it into their six-days-a-week 
work program. Maybe that’s why they 
are embracing Tommy. That's what Tommy 
seems to be about now. It is about a cou- 
ple that is ravaged by war. The "See me, 


- Ren oskı — 


=> 


feel me, touch me” moment might be 
best expressed for the first time when 
the mother, whose husband is off fight- 
ing, is embraced on the stage by her 
lover. It’s like, “I need to be hugged. 1 
miss my husband. I need somebody to 
hold me." That's the resonance of that 
line. It's not a spiritual resonance: "See 
me, feel me, touch me, heal me, God," 
but “See me, feel me, touch me, heal me, 
anybody.” Tommy has become a metaphor, 
not just for me or people like me, for 
postwar children or success-driven or 
ideal-driven or dream-driven individu- 
als who came out with the rock-and-roll 
world. It's also a metaphor for the ordi- 
nary person whose life, in its simplicity, is 
crying out for something more. 

PLAYBOY: For what more? 

TOWNSHEND: It is back to the ideals we 
had and want to have again. Tommy ori; 
inally came out at a time when ideals 
seemed possible and the spiritual search 
seemed imperative. But we've seen the 
idea of life as a spiritual journey discred- 
ited, not just by the hokey religions and 
cults but also by the deeply established, 
traditional religions. Life in thc Eightics 
was about practical things. Security, 
money. If you're sitting at a bar these 
days and somebody starts to. ponder, 
“What is life?" you're going to go, “Oh, 
fuck off" But maybe it's good to ask 
questions like that. There's a kind of 
deep pragmatism in daily life now, but 
it’s time to ease up. Whether or not Tom- 


“To my valentine, Brad, with all my love, Betty.” 


mys reemergence is an echo of that, 
Clinton's presidency is. Enough with this 
orthodoxy, this pragmatism. We should 
be less pragmatic. We can afford to be a 
bit more utopian. 

PLAYBOY: How is Clinton an echo? 
TOWNSHEND: He represents the Ameri- 
can dream, which is not only about ma- 
terial gain. That's why he was elected. 
Out with the Republicans, whose prag- 
matism is soul-killing, and in with a man 
who has ideals, Remembering those 
ideals is what Psycho Derelict is about. It is 
why I made it 

PLAYBOY: So is Psycho Derelict, your latest 
record, really the son of Tommy, a rock 
opera to take over where Tommy left off? 
TOWNSHEND: | had written a bunch of 
songs, but I thought, What the fuck am I 
doing making records, anyway? What's 
the point? I don't belong here anymore. 
I'm not willing to do what is necessary. 
But sull, 1 was about to deliver the songs 
because they were done. Then I had a 
bike accident and fucked up my hand. It 
took a year to heal, so I had all that time 
to think. And I decided, Fuck it, I'm not 
going to put the record out. It doesn't 
mean anything. Before the accident I 
would have delivered the record, I think 
it would have got some interest. I would 
have carried on about what it was sup- 
posed to be about, and people would 
have thought, Fine. The guy's getting 
old. Then I would have announced to 
the record label that I really didn't want 
to deliver the last couple of albums in my 
deal. And that would be it. But 1 had 
a year to sit there, recovering, and I 
thought about why I was so bored and 
realized that it was because I forgot why 
1 do this for a living. Then I worked on 
the Tommy play and again became in- 
spired about tlie form. I went back and 
listened to the new songs and asked what 
I was rcally writing about. I remem- 
bered that when I wrote the songs I was 
thinking about my son and t 
wanted an honest vision of h 
That's what the songs were about. 
PLAYBOY: Can you summarize the vision? 
TOWNSHEND: “ , it's going to be 
difficult. There'sa lot of hard work to be 
done. We may not succeed. But we're 
clear about what we need to do. And 
we're going to start work now. And I 
promise you we will work as hard as we 
possibly can to deliver you the future." 
PLAYBOY: Is that a promise you can keep? 
TOWNSHEND: I don't sce anybody doing 
that, apart from a bunch of zoologists at 
the Bronx Zoo. You don't talk about the 
fucking rain forest anymore. If you're 
Sting and you talk about the rain forest, 
they make you sound ridiculous. But go 
down to the Bronx Zoo and ask the peo- 
ple cleaning shit out of the cages what 
they want to talk about. They want to 
talk about the rain forest, because they 
can see species dying. So what can I do 
as an artist? How do 1 get it across 
without it being pretentious, without 


becoming Sting? All 1 know about is 
telling stories. So I decided to tell a story. 
I wrote Psycho Derelict with that in mind. 
PLAYBOY; But the basic story is about a 
rock star, the media and scandal. 
TOWNSHEND: It is a slightly comic-booky 
kind of story, but it contains a lot of what 
I wanted to say. It’s what I know about. 
The effect of fame. Loss of family. Re- 
demption. Regaining ideals. But then 
the record comes out and much of the 
meaning is missed, of course. A song 
such as Outlive the Dinosaur comes out 
and people think I'm writing about how 
it feels to be a dinosaur. But the song is 
actually about outrunning history. It’s 
not a nod in the direction of Jurassic Park 
or the Rolling Stones. It's about trying to 
not become extinct, for heaven's sake. 
PLAYBOY: Is it frustraüng when people 
don't get it? 

TOWNSHEND: Well, by now I know they'll 
never get it. Using irony is a waste of 
time. Maybe two people will get it. But 
it's worth trying. When I was recovering 
from the accident, I realized that at least. 
I had to try. 

PLAYBOY: What will follow Psycho Derelict? 
TOWNSHEND: I'm not certain. It's strange 
for me at the moment. A few years ago I 
thought of stopping, but now it must be 
clear that I'm enjoying a kind of a re- 
naissance as a performer. At the same 
time, though, I'm losing interest in it 
quickly. 

PLAYBOY: Is it no longer fun to perform? 
TOWNSHEND: I's fun, but I'm getting to 
the point where I'm running out of ways 
to keep myself amused. When I per- 
form, 1 try to do it differently every 
night. I do things like Psycho Derelict and 
bring a play on a rock-and-roll tour. I 
play small halls, not stadiums, which I 
have come to loathe. I don't know what 
will happen. 1 don't have a vision of my- 
self strutting across the stage like Sid 
Caesar and then having a heart attack 
backstage, a forgotten man. I see myself 
stopping ten years ago and writing 
William Golding's biography and sailing 
on the weekends. But herc I am. 
PLAYBOY: If you were to stop, what would 
you do? 

TOWNSHEND; I'd settle down to a life as a 
songwriter, publisher and possibly an 
author. I can do that and I can still con- 
tinue to make records when I have 
something to say, and I can do theater 
and many other things. I can write rock 
and roll, perhaps write pieces for Roger 
Daltrey that use not only his voice but al- 
so his acting talent, to help him to grow 
and mature and resist the temptation to 
set Who songs to classical music. I hear 
he's booked something this spring with 
the Boston Symphony. 

PLAYBOY: Do you miss the attention when 
youre not out in public with a new 
record or play? 

TOWNSHEND: No, because there is so 
much I get from my family. But I've re- 
alized since Tommy opened that having 


an audience full of people every day, 
whether I'm there or not, is fantastic. 
Selling records is OK, having music out 
there on the radio is OK, but having an 
audience every might is even better. 
Sometimes I sit in the back of the theater 
and watch people respond to my songs. 
It has made me realize that I still need 
that very badly. It is why people like me 
never quit. If you want to stop, you have 
to be sure of yourself—centered, rooted. 
Otherwise, you're going to retire and do 
what? Some men retire and go off to find 
something else to do. I've never quite 
understood how golf provides that, but 
it seems to. Where 1 come from, a lot 
of retired men go into sailboat racing. 
They become unbelievably competitive, 
vengeful sailors. The other sailors know: 
"Don't compete with him, he's retired. 
He's an animal.” [Laughs] And someone 
who retired early? Don’t go near him. 
There's no point entering that race. 
PLAYBOY: Didn't you buy a sailboat? 
TOWNSHEND: [Laughs] I did. I sold every- 
thing I had, all my old guitars, a couple 
of nice old cars. And I bought a 60-foot 
sailboat in 1990 afier the Who tour, be- 
cause I could not have afforded it before 
the tour. It was a classic wooden boat, 
built in Genoa. I entered a couple of 
races. It was during the time when I 
wasn't sure if was going to continue to 
make records. So there was this kind of 
early-retirement thing in the air. And I 
slaughtered everybody. So when you 
consider retirement, you have to make 
damned sure it's not just your bank bal- 
ance that is in shape but also your ability 
to survive. That’s why there are the eter- 
nal Sinatra comebacks, or Who come- 
backs, though we've done only one. 
PLAYBOY: Does getting older—approach- 
ing 50—mean anything special to you? 
TOWNSHEND: What's interesting about 
getting older in this business is that you 
are conscious of the fact that, like ath- 
letes, there are people trying to grab the 
space that you occupy. After a ume you 
realize that they are not trying to occupy 
your space anymore. They're not inter- 
ested. The punk artists, for example, 
wanted the Who's stage, the Who's 
grandiosity, the Who's money, the Who's 
anarchy—all of that stuff, all of that rock- 
and-roll chaos, that tension, self-destruc- 
tion, realization and catharsis. But now I 
feel isolated in a group of artists—old 
folks like Neil Young, Paul McCartney, 
the Stones—who nobody who's young is 
really interested in. 

PLAYBOY: Do you mind? 

TOWNSHEND: Not at all. I’m happy to be 
out of the fray, doing whatever I want to 
do, considered by many, if not most, to 
be some eccentric has-been. 

PLAYBOY: This from the man who said, 
"Hope 1 die before I get old.” 
TOWNSHEND: Yeah. And I do. | still hope 
I die before 1 get old. 


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SHE was good (continued from page 78) 


“He stared in disbelief at the lock, All at once it struck 
him that Gus intended to kill him. He really did.” 


feet had stopped hurting. But trying to 
wiggle his toes informed him that his 
feet had stopped hurting because they 
were frozen numb. And he realized that 
unless he got up immediately and moved 
about vigorously, he was surely dead. 

So the third option was to get into the 
cabin at all costs, Gus or no Gus. Walt 
poked at the door lock and clawed the 
latch. The car door creaked open. Gus 
looked up but didn't move, so Walt 
climbed out. And fell on his face. Slowly, 
clutching the door, he stood up, wobbly 
on wooden feet. He draped the blanket 
over his kimono like some large plaid 
shawl. Walking was like walking on stilts; 
he couldn't feel the ground and had to 
look down to place his feet. He went to 
the outhouse side of the cabin. Gus 
didn't follow. He could break the win- 
dow on this side of the cabin, but it was 
too high to climb through. He went to 
the back. There were no windows here 
except for the tiny one at the roof peak 
that ventilated. the sleeping loft. The 
window on the woodpile side was like- 
wise too high. He would need a ladder. 

A ladder! What about the ladder he 
used for his monthly chimney sweeping? 
He lumbered back to the outhouse side, 
but the ladder was not leaning against 
the tree where he kept it. Two holes in 
the snow, like empty sockets, marked its 
absence. 

I shall have to use something else, he 
thought as he surveyed the small clear- 


ing that served as a yard. The lumps un- 
der the blanket of snow were piles of rub- 
bish. The large mound was the remains 
of a 1954 Chevrolet Bel Air. Or perhaps 
it was the stack of salvaged lumber. One 
of the smaller lumps was surely an emp- 
ty 55-gallon drum. If he could idenufy it, 
wade out to it, excavate it, break it loose 
from the ground, roll it back—— 

Walt went to the woodpile side of the 
cabin again. Perhaps he could stack fire- 
wood under the window. Then he no- 
ticed the storage shed. 

Yes! 

There were all sorts of things in the 
shed he could use: wooden crates, 
sawhorses. An ax! 

Gus was still guarding the porch. Walt 
hurried to the shed and reached up to 
unlatch the hasp. But it was padlocked 
He stared in disbelief at the lock, a lock 
he'd never seen before. 

A little brass padlock. 

All at once it struck him that Gus in- 
tended to kill him. There were no two 
ways about it, he really did. Walt flushed 
with anger. The bloody arrogance of the 
man. The churlishness. The monumen- 
tal ego. How dare he? 

Walt fumed, but little of his heat 
reached his fingers or toes. 

It came down to the fourth option, 
then. He must kill Gus. So be it. The 
problem was—with what? Even if he had 
the ax, he doubted he could grip it. He 
needed something big and heavy, like a 


‘And so you are unable 
to account for your whereabouts that 
morning because you were out making house calls. Is that 
substantially correct, doctor?” 


rock, Small chance of finding a rock un- 
der all the snow. But what about achunk 
of cordwood? He had birch logs, cut 
green, that were heavy—maybe two 
stone—and hard. They had clanked like 
bricks when he stacked them. Walt 
brushed snow off the woodpile, found a 
large piece of frozen birch and scooped 
it into his arms. There was no way to 
sneak up behind Gus, so the best attack 
would be a lightning frontal assault 
When Walt reached the corner of the 
cabin, he hoisted the piece of wood over 
his head as best he could, took a deep 
breath and rushed the porch. But he 
could hardly walk, and the birch billet 
slipped from his hands. Gus saw him but 
didn't get up, so Walt picked up the 
wood and walked over to him, raised it 
and let it fly. It bounced off the step next 
to Gus and landed in the snow beside 
the porch. 

“Nice try," said Gus, who hadn't even 
noved his hands from his pockets. 

Let his arrogance be his death, 
thought Walt as he returned to the 
woodpile for another round. This ume 
he positioned himself squarely in front 
of Gus, raised the firewood high over- 
head and brought it down with all his 
strength. This time Gus did take his 
hands out of his pockets, caught the 
wood easily and tossed it lightly back to 
him. Walt caught it and fell backward in- 
to the snow. 

"So," said Walt when he discovered he 
couldn't get up, "you had something on 
your mind?" 

“I warned you away from her—twice," 
said Gus. 

“And 1 stayed away,” said Walt. 

"Do I look blind?" said Gus. "You 
think I'm stupid?" 

"This discussion is stupid, thought 
Walt. Lying in the snow is stupid. Yet, 
Walt felt comfortable where he lay, 
warm, even drowsy. 

“Help me up." he said. 

“Soon.” 

Soon, but not soon enough, thought 
Walt as he watched the sky through the 
treetops, now completely overcast with 
cotton-batting clouds. Walt could see 
part of the cabin roof and chimney. The 
woodsmoke did not rise in a straight col- 
umn as it usually did but spilled out and 
fell before being swept away by a breeze. 
Another sign of the changing weather, 
no doubt. Walt could hear the muffled 
whistle of the teakettle inside the cabin. 
A spot of tea with honey. A biscuit from 
the round tin. 

“They'll catch you,” he whispered 

Gus’ face hovered over him, blotting 
out the roof and sky. “I wouldn't count 
on it,” he said. Walt could smell the heat 
of Gus’ breath. “You had an accident, 
Walter. You went out to the crapper in 
your kimono, just like you brag to every- 
one all up and down the road. Just like 
the dumb cheechako shit that you are. 
And you fainted or something. There 


will be no blood. No cuts. No marks on 
the body." 

"Your tracks," whispered Walt. 

Gus laughed. "What tracks? Look." 
His face moved away so that Walt could 
again see the heavy sky. "A foot of new 
snow by morning.” 


There were some nice dreams, of 
Mother finding the red disposable 
lighter and holding it up to the window. 
"Aha!" she crowed. 

Of Peter in the bath, and pennies for 
the electric fire. 

Of someone putting him on the potty 
when he didn't even have to go. His 
thighs were blue. 

“That oughta do," said Gus. 

Walt sat propped on the seat in the 
outhouse. His trousers were pulled 
down around his knees. The mackin- 
tosh, blanket and woolen hats and mit- 
tens were gone. A wad of toilet paper 
was stuffed into his frozen hand. Gus was 
closing the door, entombing him in the 
tiny slat-wood outbuilding. 

Wait, thought Walt. He struggled to 
speak but only murmured. 

“Don't fight it,” said Gus through a 
crack in the door. “Just close your eyes 
and go back to sleep.” 

Walt commanded his frozen mouth 
to move, to mold the three words, She 
was good. 

“Huh?” said Gus. 

“She was good.” 

“Oh, all right,” said Gus. He opened 
the door, removed his hood and brought 
his ear in close. 

“She was good. She was funny.” 

“Who was good?” said Gus. 

“She told me all your secrets.” 

“You're babbling, Walter. Good night, 
Walter." Gus rose to leave. 

"You can't read," said Walt. 

"What's that?" 

“You've a rash on your bum.” 

“Is that what she said?” 

Walt looked up into Gus’ eyes 
said, “She makes you wear condoms.” 

“Now you just wait a minute,” said 
Gus as he grabbed a fistful of kimono at 
Walt's throat. 

“Careful,” said Walt, “she bought me 
this.” 

“She did not,” shouted Gus. 
lying.” 

“We screwed in your pickup once." 

“Shut up!" 

“She makes you wear condoms—but 
not me.” 

"Shut your mouth, or I'll shut it 
for you.” 

“She says, "Fill me up, Walter, fill 
me up." 

Gus’ fist, big and red, came hurtling 
like a comet. 

El 


d 


“You're 


DRUG WAR 


(continued from page 49) 
and that the minority among us who 
have addictive personalities need health 
care, not incarceration. 

Countries such as the Netherlands, 
Switzerland and England have con- 
trolled both drugs and crime, whereas 
our harsh punitive program has in- 
creased the supply of both. In this coun- 
try, the antidrug varriors didn't fail for 
lack of support. Nobody tied the hands 
of prosecutors and cops. One by one, 
constitutional rights were waived in the 
name of winning this war. Those arrest- 
ed had their property seized, were pre- 
sumed guilty and were thereby denied 
theassets to hire lawyers. They were vul- 
nerable to double jeopardy—being im- 
prisoned twice for state and federal vio- 
lations on the same act. Penalties soared. 
People are serving mandatory life sen- 
tences in Michigan and elsewhere for a 
single drug possession. The Supreme 
Court merely blinked because, after all, 
this is war. 

Yet despite the search-and-destroy op- 
erations and body counts and seized 
caches of drugs, the government lost. 
Somebody should have reviewed the les- 
son of Prohibition: Suppression of taste 
defined as vice inexorably drives up 
profits and increases the supply to meet 
the demand. 

Drug-law enforcers and pushers have 
a common interest in inflating the prob- 
lem, which is the source of their liveli- 
hood. The antidrug bureaucrats need an 
enemy to justify their budgets and em- 
pire. Local police, strapped for funds, 
were co-opted into the program when 
federal antidrug grants became a major 
source for running their departments. 

Better yet, in 1986, the Justice Depart- 
ment offered to cut local police in on the 


seizure action, letting them cash in on 
the cars, boats and other seized spoils. 
No wonder confiscations jumped 17-fold 
and now amount to more than halfa bil- 
lion dollars a year in revenue. Who 
wants to end the war when it has given 
rise to such a lucrative industry? Win the 
war on drugs and you destroy the estab- 
Jishment that lives off it, much the same 
way that the defense establishment is still 
reeling from the effects of the end of the 
Cold War. 

But the rest of us, particularly the ma- 
jority who live in and around urban cen- 
ters, are hurting badly. A generation of 
outlaws armed, emboldened and driven 
mad by the drug trade has brought civil 
war to the cities. Do I exaggerate? What 
else did it mean that the mayor of the 
nation's capital appealed in desperation 
for the president to send the National 
Guard to police her city's streets? 

The president replied that he under- 
stood the problem and was considering 
the request. Insane. American cities can- 
not function under martial law. The an- 
swer is obvious—end the irrationality 
and take the profit out of the drug trade 
by treating addiction as a health prob- 
lem rather than a crimc. 

1f politically necessary the president 
could do this in stages. Clinton should, 
at the very least, convene a bipartisan 
commission to take a fresh, independent 
look at this issue. In the meantime, he 
should order the DEA to go slowly on 
forfeiture and overzealous arrests. Most 
important, Clinton. needs to find the 
guts to move us in a different direction. 

Like Vietnam, the war on drugs has 
been lost. It should never have been 
fought in the first place, and to continue 
the shooting does nothing except once 
again bankrupt the nation and leave a 
lot of boys from the ghetto dead. 


"Looks like the gloves are really off this season, Inez." 


153 


PLAYBOY 


154 


AUTOMOTIVE REPORT | (continued from page 79) 


“Gross called the Dodge Ram pickup, with its Viper- 


based VIO engine, ‘the Rush Limbaugh of pickups. 


3» 


best shifter.” Also an Integra GS-R fan, 
racer Willy T. Ribbs said, "You won't go 
bankrupt going fast in this one.” Car and 
Driver columnist Brock Yates called the 
Ford Probe GT “cheap thrills,” adding 
that it's less money than the equally 
zoomy Integra GS-R and quicker than 
the rest. PLAYBOY Senior Editor David 
Stevens is waiting for the Golf GTI V6 
(coming this spring). "It should be a hot 
little handful like the Mini Cooper was," 
he said. (Steven's vote was based on his 
driving the new six-cylinder $19,975 Jet- 
ta II] GLX late in our selection process. 
“The Jetta was about as sweet a little run- 
ner as I've ever experienced, with a ter- 
rific shifter," said Stevens. “In fact, I kept 
sneaking out to buy packs of cigarettes 
just 10 drive the car—and I don't even 
smoke-") 

Most-Improved Old Model: The Lin- 
coln Mark VIII led the voting. "You can 
make a silk purse out of a sow's ear," said 
Stevens. "Under the hood is a terrific en- 
gine, and this car gives great cockpit." 
Yates agreed: “Be thankful Commander 
Cody didn't have this hot-rod Lincoln." 
Healey felt that the Lincoln's "great en- 


gine makes up for its lukewarm styling." 
Dissenters Ribbs, Sherman and Gross 
had their own favorites. "Ross Perot's 
stern comments about GM probably 
helped the company build better cars, 
including the Corvette LT1," said Ribbs. 
Sherman liked the new Mustang, calling 
it "safer, surer and sexier, even if Ford 
did use some lefiover pieces from the old 
Fairmont. Long live American V8 rear- 
drive hot rods." Gross picked the new 
Saab 900. “Saab successfully married a 
GM Opel platform and V6 with tradi- 
tional Saab touches. Yes, the ignition 
switch is still between the seats. Drive 
this one if you're considering a 3-series 
BMW.” Gross also touted the Mercedes- 
Benz C-class, pointing out that “you get 
all the virtues of the midsize E-class 
Mercedes in a slightly smaller, less ex- 
pensive package. The baby Benz has 
grown up.” 

Best Sport Sedan: Gross liked the 
BMW 540i, saying, “Just as the Japanese 
loaded the functional luxury category 
with V6s, BMW stuffed a V8 into its top- 
of-the-line 5-series four-door and built a 
sleeper that will waltz away from all 


“Your technique is good, but the tits lack sincerity.” 


those wanna-BMWs." Healey felt the 
car's five-speed automatic shifted too of- 
ten, "but otherwise," he said, "this car is 
just right." Stevens agreed: "The 540i is 
the car for the international man who 
buys his suits in London, shirts in Paris 
and wheels in Germany. No yen for the 
Orient here." Yates praised the slightly 
smaller 5301 V8. “With a five-speed 
manual, this BMW is a ncar-perfect 
union of an engine to a chassis." Sher- 
man chose the Chrysler LHS. "Why 
spend $40,000 to $60,000 for the for- 
eign blue bloods when there's a hand- 
some homegrown sedan for about 
A 000 on the marker? It’s roomy. nice- 
ly d and tastefully appointed. An- 
Eus Chrysler home run." Ribbs liked 
the Mercedes-Benz SL600. "If you've 
got the paper," he said, "this is the one 
you want in the garage. 

Biggest Kick to Drive: Our panelists 
chose the ten-cylinder Dodge Viper 
RT/IO in this category, as they did last 
year and the year before. According to 
Yates, "If King Kong had had one of 
these, he could have driven to the top of 
the Empire State Building." Sherman 
said, “With a hot date, this is absolutel 
the best way to spend Sunday in publi 
Stevens said that he tested the Viper 
about two years ago and hasn't seen one 
since. "But if I do, I hope Rebecca De 
Mornay is driving it and gives me a ride. 
Maybe she'll even let me shift.” Healey 
and Cross ked the Ferrari 519 TR. 
Said Healey: "If you have room to stay 
on the loud pedal, there's nothing like 
the shriek of that gorgeous V12.” The 
Ferrari is still a head-turner, in Gross’ 
opinion. "When I drove one past a stun- 
ning woman in a business suit, she 
stepped off the curb right in front of me 
with her thumb extended. If that isn't 
worth $225,000, what is?" Finally, Ribbs 
chose the Corvette ZR-1. "It's not an In- 
dycar,” he said, “but you sure feel some 
gs when you drive it.” 

Sexiest Car for Your Girlfriend: Most 
of the panel voted for the new Toyota 
Supra. “Let's hope the lady in your life is 
as fast and curvy as this Supra,” said 
Stevens, praising the cars "delightful 
handling, brakes and acceleration in a 
chassis that's cuter than Kate Moss in 
Calvin Klein underwear.” Gross agreed, 
while Healey opted for BMW’s 3251 con- 
vertible. Yates countered with the Lexus 
SC 300 and SC 400 coupes (“SCs are 
very big with trendies in California") and 
Ribbs picked the Mercedes-Benz 500SL. 
"Obviously my girlfriend has good 
taste," he said. "She has me and the car." 
Sherman chose Mercedes 124 cylinder 
SL600, calling it “the world's most over- 
engineered automobile but a great way 
to toast the excessive Eighties.” 

Finest Hauler: Gross called the Dodge 
Ram pickup, with its Viper-based VIO 
engine, "the Rush Limbaugh of pickups. 
It’s brutal, bold, iconoclastic, irreverent 


and not for everyone." Yates agreed: 
“In-your-face styling and a VIO the size 
of Newark. What else do you want?" 
Stevens suggested "getting a gun rack, 
buying a big dog, burning your briefcase 
and heading for Montana. The Ram is 
the ultimate take-this-job-and-shove-it 
hauler" Sherman said the Ram is for 
"guys with Peterbilt fantasies," so he se- 
lected Chevy's S-10/GMC Sonoma. "GM 
got one right. This is the truck that may 
shake the faith of loyal Toyota owners." 
Ribbs picked the Ford Ranger Splash, 
saying, "If I were a rodeo cowboy, this is 
what l'd drive." Healey agreed: "The 
Splash is almost 100 cute for words. Its 
cramped cab is outweighed by outstand- 
ing handling." 

Best Sports Utility: “Jeep's Grand 
Cherokee is the only one of ıhe bunch 
that's genuinely fun to drive,” said Sher- 
man. “It's the Porsche of puddle 
jumpers.” Healey agreed, saying, “It's 
not as grand as the Range Rover, nor as 
handsome as the Ford Explorer, but it's 
still the best blend of size, off-road capa- 
bility, features and price.” Yates called it 
“tougher than a Range Rover, silkier 
than an Explorer, faster than an Isuzu 
Trooper and very chichi in the right 
neighborhoods.” Gross added that “the 
Grand Cherokee has muscled its way on- 
to the top-ten list of unit movers by skill- 


fully mixing off-road brawn with on- 
road grace.” Dollar for dollar, said 
Stevens, “the Jeep Grand Cherokee is 
the best sports utility out there. But I'm 
casting my vote for the Land Rover De- 
fender 90 because, excluding the Hum- 
vee, it’s the ultimate urban assault vehi- 
cle. It comes with a V8, and be sure to 
order the optional brush bars for total 
inner-city intimidation.” Ribbs praised 
the Ford Explorer: “It’s a vehicle I can 
go duck hunting in, then go to the mall 
and still look good.” 

Coolest Car to Take to Your High 
School Reunion: Ribbs would roll up in 
a Bentley Continental R Coupe with this 
message: “To the girl 1 liked who went 
for the football star, my phone number is 
unlisted now." Two years ago, Stevens se- 
lected the $285,000 Bentley Continental 
R for this category, but now "I'm down- 
sizing to the $147,000 short-wheelbased 
Bentley Brooklands. The power has 
been increased, it’s surprisingly nimble 
for a 5000-pound machine, and the 
backseat has plenty of legroom for re- 
newing acquaintances with well-pre- 
served former cheerleaders.” Yates 
would return in a Bentley, too. “Show 
some class,” he admonished, “Be social 
and then drag the townies for pink 
slips.” Healey added that “there isn't a 
classier car than the Continental R.” 


Sherman said he'd take a Viper RT/10. 
“I grew up in lowa. Vipers, among other 
trappings of civilization, are still a phe- 
nomenal novelty there. Dorothy Hoefert 
would be duly impressed." Gross, who 
drove a hot-rod Ford in his high school 
days, would return in a Bugatti EB 110. 
"Impossibly low, phenomenally expen- 
sive, with an exhaust system that would 
shatter glass, the V12 Bugatti is a 
definite dazzler. The old gang might not 
know what you paid for it—$450,000— 
but they will know that you've made it 
very, very big." 

Show Car We Want Now: Our pan- 
elists have a message for Chrysler con- 
cerning its proposed Plymouth Prowler. 
Said Sherman: “It's the freshest inter- 
pretation of sex on wheels since the 1932 
Ford." Yates: "If they build it—and they 
probably will—they'll have to install 
number-ticket machines in showrooms. 
The line will extend down the block.” 
Stevens added, “Every night I pray to 
Chrysler god Bob Lutz to build this won- 
derful roadster. Then I pray to the lot- 
tery god for at least $35,000." Gross 
liked Chrysler's razor-roofed Thunder- 
bolt V8 coupe. “It’s a throwback to 
Chrysler’s 300 letter series. If you see 
one of these in your rearview mir- 
ror, you'd better pull over. It has more 
intimidation power than a state police 


PLAYBOY’S PANEL OF JUDGES H 


GROSS 


KEN GROSS: P.ayscy’s Contributing Au- 
tomotive Editor visited Furope seven 
times ond California "at least ten" limes 


this past year to drive such dream ma- 
chines as the new all-wheel-drive Lam- 


borghini Diablo VT. His personal wheels? 
Grass is rebuilding a 1932 Ford roadster. 


JAMES R. HEALEY: A journalist whose 
beat hos included entertainment and pol- 
itics, Healey is auto editor for USA Today's 
money section, where he writes both cor 
reviews and industry-analysis stories. After 
offering his witty camments far PLAYBOY, 
Healey was off to the Tokyo Mator Shaw. 


WILLY T. RIBBS: The first African Ameri- 
can to compete in the Indy 500 (1991), 
Ribbs currently drives o Lolo Ferd Cos- 
worth XB for Service Merchandise and Bill 
Cosby Racing that's been prepored by 
Walker Rocing. In 1994, he'll be compet- 
ing in a full racing season for Walker. 


DON SHERMAN: A staff member af Car 
and Driver for 18 years, hat shoe Sher- 
man is one of the fastest and most oc- 
camplished automotive journalists in the 
industry. Currently, he's editor-at-lorge 
for Matar Trend magazine os well as a 
contributor to many other publicatians. 


STEVENS YATES 


DAVID STEVENS: Whether going black 
tie aboard the QE2 or test-driving the 
world's sexiest sports cars, our veteran 
Modern living Senior Editor travels the 
fast lanes ta bring you great electronics, 
the best food and wine, smor! grooming 
tips and terrific toys for urban males. 


BROCK YATES: A well-known print and 
broadcast journalist, Yates hasts his own 
shaw, The Great Drivers, on the Nashville 
Cable Network, in addition ta writing 
a monthly column for Cor and Driver 
magazine. He hos recently completed 
twa screenplays for John Frankenheimer. 


/€ 


NE 
AS OF 


PIC 


PLAYBOY’S 


THE PACK 


pos 


TOYOTA SUPRA 
Sexiest Car for Your Girlfriend 


DODGE-PLYMOUTH NEON 
Cleverest Commuter 


ACURA INTEGRA GS-R 


JEEP GRAND CHEROKEE 
Best Sports Utility 


LINCOLN MARK VIII 
Most-Improved Old Model 


TOYOTA CELICA GT 


Hottest Pocket Rockets 


FORD TEMPO-MERCURY TOPAZ 
Most Boring Car 


DODGE RAM | WITH VIPER V10) 
Finest Hauler 


BENTLEY CONTINENTAL R COUPE 


Coolest Car for a High School Reunion 
156 e 


BMW 540i 
Best Sport Sedan 


DODGE VIPER RT/10 
Biggest Kick to Drive 


PLYMOUTH PROWLER 
Show Car We Want Now 


cruiser.” Ribbs picked the Mercedes- 
Benz Vision A. “Mercedes has always 
been at least one step ahead in its re- 
search and development, so its Vision is 
not blurred.” 

Most Boring Car: Yates selected the 
Ford Tempo-Mercury Topaz twins and 
asked: "Does dishwater mean anything 
to you? How about watching grass grow? 
Lawrence Welk reruns?” Healey agreed, 
adding, “These cars were boring from 
day one—a decade-plus later, they're 
dangerous, sleep-inducing anticars.” 
Sherman piled it on: "The Topaz-Tem- 
pos were obsolete when they first rolled 
off the production line, and they haven't 
aged gracefully. These are the Phyllis 
Dillers of automobiles." As Stevens saw 
it, ^Even the name Topaz ends in a 
snore. And saying the word Tempo 
makes you yawn. No wonder these cars 
are about as exciting as an Ivana Trump 
novel" Ribbs picked the Saturn SLI 
"Believe me,” he said, "if you took one of 
these to a nightclub, you couldn't catch a 
bad cold, let alone a hot date." Gross 
named the Oldsmobile Ninety Eight the 
most boring vehicle. “It's Wonder Bread 
on wheels for the Geritol crowd.” 

Cleverest Commuter: Gross touted 
the Dodge-Plymouth Neon. “Chrysler 
has a platinum hit on its hands here, 
grabbing Generation X right in the 
heart and in the wallet. It has a nifty aero 
shape, a great stereo and all the safety 
feamres they could cram into a small 
package.” Stevens said, “Snappy looks, 
good handling, twin air bags and a 
$10,000 price tag. The Neon almost 
makes going to work fun.” Sherman also 
picked the Neon. "This buggy is so 
much fun to drive that you don't mind 
saving gas money." Healey took the un- 
conventional route with his choice, the 
AM General Humvee. “It goes any- 
where, any time, by any route, and it's 
pretty comfy, too." Yates would make his 
daily run i . “Half 
Rollerblade, half race car, it's casy to 
park. But forget car-pooling.” Ribbs' 
choice was the Mercedes-Benz SEL600. 
“In commuter traffic, hot tempers are all 
around you. You need something strong 
and safe." 

There you have it. Insightful, indis- 
crete and not always in unison, our pan- 
el of experts has made its choices. But 
despite the wide-ranging opinions, one 
thing is unanimous: Across the board, 
domestic cars and trucks are again lead- 
ing the pack in both quality and perfor- 
mance. That's why seven Japanese au- 
tomakers build some models in North 
America and why both BMW and Mer- 
cedes-Benz have announced plans to do 
the same. Meanwhile, at showrooms na- 
tionwide, interest rates are still low, and 
most carmakers are holding prices firm. 
1f this is your year for a new car, you 
arc in luck. 


E CONWAY 


Eu 


Iw 
Y 
N = == 2 


BEEPER BOOM 


ou'd better get used to the “beep, beep, beep” of pagers, beeper. Instead of just displaying a caller's phone number, for ex- 
because the electronics industry is predicting that the ample, some pagers receive voice mail or text messages. There are 
number of Americans who use them will go from 18 mil- — also watches, cellular phones and computers with paging technol. 
lion today to more than 53 million by 1997. No, they ogy, as well as beepers equipped to receive stock reports, sports 
won't all be doctors, lawyers and salesmen; with new wireless scores and news updates from electronic mail services. Someday 
communications technology, everyone stands to benefit from a soon, you'll even be able to tune into your TV to see who's calling 


Clockwise from left: Hewlett Packard’s HP 95LX Palmtop computer, $550, doubles as a pager when connected to the optional Sky Stream com- 
munications package, $525. Two from Motorola: The Bravo Express alphanumeric pager comes in a range of colors, $199; and the Advisor fea- 
tures four 20-character lines for displaying text messages, about $350. The NEC Business Card is a credit-card-style numeric pager with a 
built-in clock, $350. Up front: Swatch's Beep Up watch and numeric pager comes in five styles, including Speakers Corner, shown here, $189. 


Where & How to Buy on page 145. 


GRAPEVINE 


Hair 
Apparent 
TERENCE TRENT 
D'ARBY has shaken 
off his sophomore 
slump. His third LP, 
Symphony or Damn, 
has already made 
the modern-rock 
and singles charts. 
Touring now, 
D'Arby is rocking 
his locks. 


lace 

Has Its 
Place 

You've seen star- 
fet ANGELA 
BLEVINS in com- 
mercials, on 
MTV and on the 
big screen. Now 
you see her in 
Grapevine. 
Lucky you. 


There's Nothing Like a Dayne 

TAYLOR DAYNE' first album in three years, Soul Danc- 
ing, hits all the high notes, from dance tracks to rockers 
to ballads. Her outfit hits all the high notes, too, from. 
sexy to sizzling to sheer. Dayne says, 

dimensional.” Clearly. 


À W Y” 
The Doctors Are In 

You'll have to hang on until summer for the follow-up 
to the SPIN DOCTORS” triple-platinum LP Pocket Full 
of Kryptonite and the band's live jam Homebelly 
Groove. Vocalist Chris Barron calls these the “new 
good old days" now that fame has come. 


Temple 


Worship 
STONE TEMPLE PILOTS 
broke out of San Diego to 
record the double platinum 
Core. Singer Weiland ex- 
plains that it's not only loud 
music: "We don't want to 
sound just one way.” Not to 
worry. They don't. 


The Third 
Generation 
Also Rises 
(CARLENE CARTER, 
granddaughter and 
daughter of Mother 
Maybelle and June, 
sings big time on 
Little Love Letters. 


Bottom 
Up 
^ model, danc- 
er and actress, 
JAZEENA is al- 
so known as 
Spiderwoman 
in the British 
press. Ask her 
tarantula Ari- 
adne for de- 
tails. She often 
models with her. 


New Jill 
Swingers 
Female R&B groups 
are hot again, and 
JADE glows bright 
among them. Check 
out Jade to the Max 
and the breakout 
single One Woman. 
V sEmooth stuff. 


160 couple. Call 800-241- 


TALK ABOUT 
A SOFT TOUCH 


Shanie Jacobs has been 
manufacturing sexy and 
sophisticated lingerie for 
almost 20 years. But her 
latest creations, made 
from the fur of French An- 
gora rabbits—which are 
sheared, not killed—are 
the ultimate in luxurious 
undies, ‘fhe hot-pink 
cropped top (pictured at 
lefi) in sizes petite through 
extra large sells for $185, 
postpaid. Matching 
panties in the same sizes 
arc $125. (Jacobs docs 
custom orders, too, for 
about the same price.) 
Other colors include snow 
white, sky blue, burning 
red, deep purple, choco- 
late, cool aqua, lavender, 
royal blue, raspberry, sand 
and black. Jacobs' office is 
at 215 West 91st Street, 
Suite 116, New York 
10024. Better still, just call 
212-877-1909 to put your 
choice of very sexy 
skivvies on your American 
Express card. 


LIVING LIFE TO THE ULTIMATE 


For the couple who want to spend everything before Clinton takes it 
away, the Ritz-Carlton Laguna Niguel in Dana Point, California is cur- 
rently offering the Ultimate Experience. Included in the package are 
one night in the Presidential or Club Crown suite and round-trip lim- 
ousine transfer from Los Angeles, San Diego or Orange County air- 
ports. (Or free overnight parking if you drive.) Upon arrival, you con- 
fer with your concierge about breakfast, lunch and dinner selections, to 
be served in the dining room of your suite. There's also a $500 shop- 
ping spree in the hotel's gift shops, an engraved crystal decanter and 
glasses that are yours to keep, a bottle of Dom Pérignon, two mono- 
grammed bathrobes, a dozen roses and more. The price: $4500 per 
to reserve the ultimate all-nighter. 


POTPOURRI 


ON THE RIGHT TRACK 


If you live in the Midwest, there's an al 
ternative to holding your next confer- 
ence or seminar in a stuffy hotel. Great 
Lakes Western Rail Tours, Inc., in Muk- 
wonago, Wisconsin provides premium 
service aboard restored vintage railroad 
cars to major cities in Wisconsin, Michi- 
gar's Upper Peninsula, eastern Minneso- 
1a and northern Illinois. Excursions 
range from a half day to three days or 
more, and the company specializes in 
conference trips. Call 708-304-0800. 


STRAIGHT UR, 
HENNESSY STYLE 


Hennessy Cognac has shaken up the 
straight-up silver bullet with its Hennessy 
martini, a tasty tipple made as follows: 
Fill a martini pitcher or a cocktail shaker 
with ice. Add two ounces of Hennessy VS 
and squeeze in the juice from a lemon 
wedge (% teaspoon). Stir gently and let. 
settle. Strain into a martini glass (prefer- 
ably chilled) and garnish 

with a lemon peel. 


CRIME PAYS 


From its bullet-hole-riddled 
inside covers to more than 
300 color reproductions of 
evil deeds, Crime Comics: The 
Illustrated History is 184 pages 
of bad guys and the cops, de- 
tectives and secret agents 
who pursued them. It is 
number five in the Taylor 
History of Comics, which is 
published in Dallas. The 
price: $24.95, postpaid. Oth- 
er books in the hardcover se- 
ries are devoted to super- 
hero, science-fiction and 
horror comics, with more to 
come. Call 800-275-8188. — 


TOYS OF TOMORROW 


‘To arms, cyberpunks. Isher Artifacts, PO. 
Box 50484, Kalamazoo, Michigan 49005, 
manufactures "the finest energy weapons in 
the known universe," and that includes the 
aluminum-and-cast-acrylic Model H ray gun, 
pictured here, with variable light-and-sound 
effects. Its price: $569, postpaid. Other Isher 
sf toys range from a $69 illuminated magic wand to a $3000 fu- 
turistic tommy gun Trekkers would kill for. Call 616-383-4402. 


HYDE CLUB TO SEEK 


Every night is Halloween at 
Manhattan's five-story Jekyll 
and Hyde Club, a social es- 
tablishment "for eccentric ex- 
plorers and mad scientists. 
skeleton band plays sets and 
tells jokes, the elevator is in 
the shape of a zeppelin and 
the club's owners promise 
"that something wacky and 
unexpected will take place at 
least every ten minutes." The 
club is at 1409 Sixth Avenue 
at 57th Street. Drinks and 
dinner are served on all five 
levels with no reservations 
needed, and the Jekyll and 
Hyde stays open to four A.M. 


PASS LIKE A PRO 


Want to pass like Boomer Esiason even though 
you have the throwing arm of Woody Allen? 
Check out the Aerobie foam football. Specially 
engineered, aerodynamic tail fins cause it to 
spin at more than 1000 rpm in flight while pro- 
viding less wobble and terrific accuracy. Su- 
perflight, Inc., in Palo Alto, California sells the 
Aerobie in toy and sporting goods stores na- 
tionwide for $9.95. Give it a fling. 


WALLPAPER THAT POPS 


In the early Seventies, English pop artist Allen 
Jones created Right Hand Lady for the X-Art 
collection of erotica in London. Now the same 
image is available in a limited-edition metallic- 
chrome foil wallpaper that's washable, flame- 
retardant and peelable. A double roll measur- 
ing 11 yards long by 21 inches wide is $260, 
postpaid, from Venekamp & Co., "Right Hand 
Lady," PO. Box 912, New York 10024. 


161 


NEXT MONTH 


MOLLY'S WELCOME 


THE COURTING OF MOLLY SWENSON—THE WELCOME 
WAGON SKI TEAM NEEDED ONE REAL WOMAN TO LEAD 
THEM TO VICTORY. BUT COULD THEY AFFORD THE PRICE 
OF GLORY?—FICTION BY RAY DEAN MIZE 


MASTERS & JOHNSON: ADULTERY—IN AN EXCERPT 
FROM THEIR LATEST BOOK, HETEROSEXUALITY, OUR 
COUNTRY'S PREEMINENT SEX AUTHORITIES TAKE A 
CLOSE LOOK AT WHO HAS AFFAIRS AND WHY. THEIR CON- 
CLUSIONS MAY SURPRISE YOU. 


HALLE BERRY, THE GIRL NEXT DOOR WITH THE WICKED 
GLEAM, TALKS ABOUT LIFE WITH ATLANTA BRAVES SLUG- 
GER DAVID JUSTICE, ARSENIO HALL'S UNERIDLED LUST. 
AND THE ART OF SEDUCING FRED FLINTSTONE IN A TAN- 
TALIZING 20 QUESTIONS—BY MARGY ROCHLIN 


THE AGE OF STUPID IS UPON US. IN THE NOBLE TRADI- 
TION OF GOMER PYLE, BARNEY FIFE AND GILLIGAN COME 
BEAVIS, BUTT-HEAD AND HOMER. CELEBRATING THE NEW 
‘STUPIDITY, WE WONDER JUST HOW SMART YOU HAVE TO 
BE TO ENJOY IT—BY JOE QUEENAN 


NIGEL MANSELL, BRITAIN'S STAR AUTO RACER AND 1992 
FORMULA ONE CHAMP, ROARED ONTO THE INDYCAR 


GLOBAL GLAMOUR 


CIRCUIT DETERMINED TO DRIVE WILDER AND FASTER 
THAN EVER. CO-SPONSOR PAUL NEWMAN CALLED IT 
“NIGEL'S GREAT ADVENTURE." IN A PLAYBOY PROFILE 
SAM MOSES TELLS WHAT HAPPENED 


ANTHONY HOPKINS, CANNIBAL HANNIBAL IN SILENCE OF 
THE LAMBS, OSCAR WINNER AND KNIGHT OF THE BRITISH 
CROWN, RECOUNTS HIS DRUNKEN ENCOUNTER WITH PE- 
TER O'TOOLE, PONDERS THE 27 MINUTES OF SCREEN 
TIME THAT MADE HIM A STAR AND CONTEMPLATES THE 
EROTICISM OF EVIL IN THIS MONTH'S PLAYBOY INTER- 
VIEW—BY LAWRENCE GROBEL 


SAFE SEX—INTERNATIONALLY RENOWNED PHOTOGRA- 
PHER MICHEL COMTE IMMORTALIZES SOFIA COPPOLA, 
CARLA BRUNI, MIMI HOGEHS, SHANNEN DOHERTY 
AND OTHERS IN A CELEBRITY-STUDDED CELEBRATION OF 
LUST IN THE NINETIES 


PLUS: A TRIP AROUND THE WORLD WITH PLAYBOY'S FOR- 
EIGN BEAUTIES; CALVIN KLEIN AND THE LATEST LOCKS 
FOR SPRING; AND FITNESS SMARTS, A NEW COLUMN BY 
JON KRAKAUER, WHO WRITES THIS MONTH ON THE 
WORLD'S MIRACLE CURE—ICE 


Psst. Good flavor. Costs less. 


YOUR BASIC HINT 


SURGEON GENERAL'S WARNING: Quitting Smoking 
Now Greatly Reduces Serious Risks to Your Health. PEN 
Kings: 16 mg “tat,” 1.1 mg nicotine—av. per cigarette by FTC method 


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