Skip to main content

Full text of "PLAYBOY"

See other formats 


ENTERTAINMENT FOR MEN I 


JUNE 19950 $4.95 


TED TURNER: THE 
SUCKER DEAL THAT 
MADE HIM A TITAN 


FEAR AND SELF- Å 
LOATHING ON CAMPUS | 


20 QUESTIONS 
TOM ARNOLD 
FREE AT LAST 


DR. JOYCELYN ELDERS IN 
A TWO-FISTED INTERVIEW 


BEAUTIFUL SCREAMERS 
HOT CARS OF 1995 


о "800955 


06 


o 


MOA маң од SANS 7 инаја цо GBIC ыр [LAN ug 400) (986) 


“Mr. Jenkins has decided there aren't enough 
Tanqueray cocktails on the planet to inspire him to 
purchase any of these creations here tonight.” 


SURGEON GENERAL'S WARNING: Quitting Smoking 
Now Greatly Reduces Serious Risks to Your Health. 


10 mg "tar; 0.8 mg nicotine av. per cigarette by FTC method. 


“Come to Marlboro Country. 


* While scuba diving Hor lobsters one mi h my wife 
used har Гайд УА 
H wos beutiful thy oumenm izid by The хое 
light So wegrabbed Them, boiled them and ate Hem” 


~Kurt Winzelmann ) Dania, Hf. 


Indi le 
by Tix 


ightalory TIMEX PR., Bos 310, Middlebery. СТ 05762. For retolen U.S. сой 180.367.8463 or Canada 1800-263 0981 


igo is о rogatered нодетоњ of Indigo Сър. 


nex: I tokes o licking ond keeps 


Tim 


PLAYBILL 


ALTHOUGH SOME conservatives disapproved of Bill Clinton's 
appointment of Dr. Joycelyn Elders as surgeon general, many 
Democrats had trouble with the president's reason for her dis- 
missal. Apparently, there is no room for a Cabinet member 
who defends abortion, speaks frankly about drugs and—the 
reason she was fired—speculates about explaining masturba- 
tion to schoolkids. Consider this month's Interview, in which 
Dr. Elders tells David Nimmons that Jesse Helms is a bigot and 
guesses that Newt Gingrich never plays Onan the Barbarian, 
to be the closest look yet at the candid opinions of a former 
Clinton insider. Sadly, free speech is losing ground beyond 
the Beltway, too. We sent teams of pollsters and young re- 
porters to colleges to find out why campuses are in the grip of 
PC. In The Safe Generation (illustrated by Mike Benny), Assistant 
Editor Chip Rowe provides the disturbing report 

Call him the King Kong of comebacks. Once, media mogul 
Ted Turner almost lost CNN and his other cable channels be- 
cause he paid too much to fulfill his dream of owning MGM. 
Now Mr. Jane Fonda, having escaped the lion pit by reselling 
the studio, is back in the chase—and in the papers—for his 
own major TV network. In an excerpt from Citizen Turner 
(Harcourt Brace), Robert Goldberg and Gerald Jay Goldberg ex- 
plain how Turner lost his fight but retained MGM's lucrative 
video library. Also in the bruised-but-unbowed file: a profile 
of Mike tyson by New York Daily News cornerman Vic Ziegel. As 
Iron Bars Mike comes out of forced retirement, Ziegel reac- 
quaints us with an ex-champ who's come out of prison liter- 
ate, Muslim and hungering to turn George Foreman into 
cheeseburger. (Artist Greg Spalenka put Tyson on the canvas.) 
From boxing to mud-wrestling: Heavyweight Tom Arnold was 
close to becoming a doorman at McDonald's after his divorce 
from Roseanne. But the Terminator saved Tom Arnold's ter- 
minal career and now he is in the film Nine Months. Our bud- 
dy to the stars, David Rensin, talks true lies with Arnold in a 20 
Questions on the secrets of pigging out and Schwarzenegger's 
undies. 

The bull—papal bull, that is—continues to fly in a bogus, er, ^ THE GOLDBERGS RENSIN 
bonus Q&A. Holy smoker Denis Leary, whose last public debate > 
was in The Ref, goes mano a mano with the straightest man ever 
to wear a dress in a satirical Interview With Pope John Paul И. 
‘Turns out the Pope likes pastrami, beer, nice hats and—alas, 
poor Leary—Jim Carrey. Then we get naked with Russ Mey- 
er—or, pictorially speaking, with the ultra-super-buxom-vix- 
ens who act out his fantasies. Movie critic Roger Ebert co-wrote 
the screenplay for Meyer's Beyond the Valley of the Dolls. Ebert 
here catches his friend enjoying a DDD-sized box-office re- 
vival of Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill! Ebert has Meyer down toa T: 
Meyer is high on strong women, long on loyalty and big on 
breasts. 

"The phone votes are in and Miss February 1994, Julie Cioli- 
ni, is our new Playmate of the Year. But you knew that from 
the cover. What you don't know is that Julie is set to appear in 
the movie Beach Academy. Until then, enjoy her rousing picto- 
rial reprise shot by Stephen Wayda. Now to push the envelope. 
Ir's your call; either turn to Playmate Rhonda Adams, a high- 
flying adventure freak, or drool over Beautiful Screamers, the 
top five performance cars we could find. Legendary lensman 
Mario Casilli, equally comfortable with babes or automobiles, 
shot the feature. Before reality bites, check out Skeeks, fiction 
by mystery man Donald E. Westlake (Daniel Torres did the art- 
work). It's about a Hollywood murder and the trashy tabloid 
reporters who make a killing after the star is buried. Remem- 
ber: Keep an eye on the bodies—and enjoy the hunt. к 

CASILLA WESTLAKE TORRES 
Playboy (ISSN 0032-1478), June 1995, volume 42, number 6. Published monthly by Playboy in national and regional editions, Playboy, 
680 North Lake Shore Drive, Chicago, Illinois 60611. Second-class postage paid at Chicago, Illinois and at additional mailing offices. 
Canada Post Canadian Publications Mail Sales Product Agreement No. 56162. Subscriptions: in the U.S., $29.97 for 12 issues. Postmaster: 
Send address change to Playboy, PO. Box 2007, Harlan, Iowa 51537-4007. E-mail: edit@playhoy.com 5 


E b 


FL MP сна Wing By 


OK. Е 
oe SMOOTHER side of success. 


PLAYBOY. 


vol. 42, no. B—june 1995 CONTENTS FOR THE MEN’S ENTERTAINMENT MAGAZINE 
PLAYA E EEN SE 5 
DEAR PLAYBOY ........ 11 
PLAYBOY AFTER HOURS 8 Кожа во ыл: e E 
MOVIES вати да ds „BRUCE WILLIAMSON 17 
VIDEO 21 
ТУА 22 
WIRED . 24 
MUSIC... 30 
TRAVEL ПЕ ЕЈ 
BOOKS . DIGBY DIEHL 34 
FITNESS . -JON KRAKAUER 36 
MEN. С КО С, Bo reer ОЛОК ne fer ASA BABER 38 
THE PLAYBOY ADVISOR... 41 
THE PLAYBOY FORUM 45 
REPORTER'S NOTEBOOK—op; = . ROBERT SCHEER 53 
PLAYBOY INTERVIEW: JOYCELYN ELDERS candid conversation 55 
THE SAFE GENERATION —playboy report text by Cur ROWE 74 
BEAUTIFUL SCREAMERS—cars ..... SEE KEN GROSS 79 
COME OUT SWINGING—arlicle .VICZIEGEL 84 
THE IMMORAL MR. MEYER—pictorial. ...........- - text by ROGER EBERT ва 
SKEEKS—fiction Fee se DONALD E. WESTLAKE 94 
PLAYBOY GALLERY: SHANNON TWEED—piclorial .......................... 97 
TACTILE TIES-fashion HOLLIS WAYNE өв 
CITIZEN TURNER—playboy profile... .. .. ROBERT ond GERALD JAY GOLDBERG 100 
HELP US, RHONDA—playboy’s playmate of the month. 104 
PARTY JOKES—humor ија GR 114 Help Us, Rhonda 
IN THE SWIM—fashion ........ Dec. HOLLIS WAYNE 116 
CLASSIC COVER AND CENTERFOLD: JULY Y 1955- pictoril.. cC 123 
GIFTS FOR DADS & GRADS—modern living 126 
AN INTERVIEW WITH POPE JOHN PAUL Il—salire................ DENIS LEARY 131 
PLAYMATE OF THE YEAR—pictorial 132 
20 QUESTIONS: TOM ARNOLD 144 
WHERE & HOW TO BUY........ 164 
PLAYBOY ON THE SCENE 169 Snazzy Swimwear 


COVER STORY 


She was Miss February 1994 before she followed another PLaysoy favorite, 
Dian Parkinson, on The Price Is Right. Now, Julie Cialini makes her third 
appearance in PLAYBOY, this time as Playmate of the Year. Our cover was 
produced by West Coast Photo Editor Marilyn Grabowski, styled by Jen- 
nifer Tutor and photographed by Stephen Wayda. Thanks to Alexis Vogel 
for styling Julie’s hair and makeup. Our hip Rabbit welcomes Julie back. 


GENERAL OFFICES, PLAYBOY 880 NORTH LAKE SHORE CRIVE, CHICAGO, ILLINOIS 80811 PLAYBOY ASSUMES NO RESPONSIBILITY то RETURN UNSOLICITED EDITORIAL OR GRAPHIC OR OTHER NA 


STANG COMES. DAVE S INSERT BETWEEN PAGES 182-163 IN SELECTED COMESTIC SUBSCRIPTION AND NEWSSTAND COPIES. CERTIFICA 7 


ADORA DE PUBLICACIONES Y REVISTAS ILUSTRADAS DEPENOIENTE DE LA SECRETAMIA DE GOBERNACIÓN. MÉXICO. RESERVA OE TITULO EN TRÁMITE 


PRINTED IN U.S.A 


PLAYBOY 


Tom? 


Well, he’s a 


good listener... 


he genuinely 
cares about 
world peace... 


he shares the 
remote control.. 


ENGLISH LEATHER 


Cologne and After Shave 


PLAYBOY 


HUGH M. HEFNER 
editor-in-chief 


ARTHUR KRETCHMER editorial director 
JONATHAN BLACK managing editor 
TOM STAEBLER ort director 
GARY COLE photography director 
KEVIN BUCKLEY executive editor 
JOHN REZEK assistant managing editor 


EDITORIAL 

ARTICLI PETER MOORE. STEPHEN RANDALL ed 
tors; FICTION: ALICE к. TURNER editor; FORUM 
JAMES R PETERSEN senior staff uriter; CHIP ROWE 
assistant editor; MODERN LIVING: DAVID 
STEVENS editor; BETH TOMKIW associate editor; 
STAFF: BRUCE KLUGER, CHRISTOPHER NAPOLITANO, 
BARBARA NELLIS associate editors; FASHION: HOL- 
LIS WAYNE director; JENNIFER RYAN JONES assis- 
tant editor; CARTOONS: MICHELLE URRY editor; 
COPY: LEOPOLD FROEHLICH edilor; ARLAN BUSH 
MAN assistant editor; ANNE SHERMAN copy associ- 
ale; CAROLYN BROWNE senior researcher; LEE 
BRAUER, REMA SMITH, SARI WILSON researchers; 
CONTRIBUTING EDITORS: ASA BABER 
KEVIN COOK. GRETCHEN EDGREN. LAWRENCE GRO- 
BEL. KEN GROSS (aulomolive). CYNTHIA HEIMEL. 
WILLIAM J. HELMER, WARREN KALBACKER, D. KEITH 
MANO, JOE MORGENSTERN, REG POTTERTON. DAVID 
RENSIN, DAVID SHEFF, DAVID STANDISH, MORGAN 
STRONG, BRUCE WILLIAMSON (movies) 


ART 
KERIC rore managing director; BRUCE HANSEN. 
CHET SUSKI. LEN WILLIS senior directors; KRISTIN 
KORJENEK. KELLY KORJENEK associate directors; ANN 
SEIDL supervisor. heylins/pasteup: vun ruan. 
RICKIE THOMAS art assistants 


PHOTOGRAPHY 

MARILYN GRABOWSKI west coast editor; JIM LARSON 
MICHAEL ANN SULLIVAN senior editors; PATTY 
BEAUDET associate editor; STEFHANIE BARNETT 
BETH MULLINS assistant editors; DAVID CHAN, 
RICHARD FEGLEY, ARNY FREVTAG. RICHARD IZUI, 
DAVID NECEX. BYRON NEWMAN. POMPEO POSAR. 
STEPHEN WAYDA contributing photographers: 
SHELLEE WELLS Stylist; TIM HAWKINS manager, pho- 
to archive 


RICHARD KINSLER publisher 


PRODUCTION 
MARIA MANDIS director; RITA JOHNSON manager; 
KATHERINE CAMPION, JODY JURGETO, RICHARD 
QUARTAROLI, TOM SIMONEK associate managers 


CIRCULATION 
LARRY A. DJERF newsstand sales director; CINDY 
RAKOWITZ communications director 


ADVERTISING 
ERNIE RENZULL advertising director; JUDY BER- 
KOWITZ national projects director; SALES DIREC- 
TORS: КІМ L. PINTO easlern region; JODI VEVODA 
GOSHGARIAN midwestern region; IRV KORNBLAU 
marketing director; Lisa NATALE research director 


READER SERVICE 
LINDA STROM, MIKE OSTROWSKI correspondents 


ADMINISTRATIVE 
EILEEN KENT new media director; MARCIA TER- 
RONES rights & permissions administrator 


PLAYBOY ENTERPRISES, INC. 
CHRISTIE HEFNER chairman, chief executive officer 


make a believer 

Е | 0 
Ee There's NFL SUNDAY e å 
br LEAGUE рас and NHL ] 
E ICE; hundreds of games 
YOu probably Couldn't ger before. 
Plus DIRECTV Sports Choice™ 
With tong of college games* 

Good answer, l 
OK, YOU PICKED "DIGITAL = 
Seeing 
DIRECTY is 
believing. The 18. 


a inch RCA-brand Dsse 
sh is totally digital, 1! 
Å . The bet 
аш h ET the tons of Movies, His © | 
d audio and Your favorit > 
€ channels, And, oh у Å | 
) eah— Playboy TV. = 


PLAYBOY TV & 


DIRECT V. 
IT’S PERSONALIZED TV 


le Lynn Clalini ts the 1995 Playboy Playmate of the Year. But did you alco know that she a DIRECTV subscriber? «Blackout restrictions apply. Sports packages and 
wing only. NFL SUNDAY TICKET available In commercial locations with an appropriate agreement. Commercial signal theft ls subject lo civil and criminal 
es are non-transferable and 15 days Sports package and Playboy TY are available with a DIRECTY subscription for an additional 

ice mark of the National Hockey League. NFL SUNDAY TICKET Is å trademark of the National 
'lce, and “DIRECT its Personalized ТУ are oficial trademarks of DIRECTA. Inc.. a unit of GM Hughes Elecironics. 


Obviously you know that Julle 
y prh 


CAROD 


SARA AAA 


CATA 


Mjoy the ultimate in late night 


entertainment 24 hours a day with 
all of the sensuality, passion and 
excitement you've come to expect 
from Playboy. Playboy Television 
brings you an incomparable line 
up of provocative, made-for- 
Playboy world premiere movies, 
spectacular special events, 
uncensored music videos, sizzling 
series and, of course, Playmates. 
Playboy's got it all, and you can 
have it all — anytime, day or night! 


PLAYBOY 


DEAR PLAYBOY 


680 NORTH LAKE SHORE DRIVE 
CHICAGO, ILLINOIS 60611 
FAX 312-649-9534 
E-MAIL DEARPB@PLAYBOYCOM 
PLEASE INCLUDE YOUR DAYTIME PHONE NUMBER 


VLADIMIR ZHIRINOVSKY 
Jennifer Gould's interview with Vla- 
dimir Zhirinovsky (March) is compelling 
stuff. It helps me to understand how 
Alex Haley must have felt in 1966 sitting 
їп а room with George Lincoln Rockwell. 
Bravo to Gould for her fortitude and to 
PLAYBOY for delivering your best inter- 
view in years. 
David Waldon 
Chicago, Illinois 


Jennifer Gould ought to receive a 
medal for what she went through with 
Zhirinovsky. I couldn't believe what he 
was asking her to do, yet she handled 
him with excellent composure. If I had 
been in her shoes, I think I would have 
slugged him. 

Joe Baylot 

jmbaylot@whale.st.usm.edu 

Hattiesburg, Mississippi 


The Zhirinovsky interview is one of 
the more interesting you've published in 
some time. I would love to see this man 
at a state dinner confronting First Lady 
Hillary Clinton, Rather than leading 
Russia into the future, maybe he should 
come to America and go into the movies. 
Chip Elliott 
Columbus, Ohio 


REPORTER'S NOTEBOOK 

Robert Scheer's “Do the Rope-a-Dope, 
Bill” (March) is so full of venom and lies 
that it fails to do its job. Scheer wants to 
know how the Republicans are going to 
cut taxes and balance the budget. Easily. 
Federal tax decreases have resulted in 
revenue increases. Scheer goes to great 
lengths to say the capital gains tax cut is 
a program that will help “the richest ten 
percent in the country.” This statement 
is a lie. The vast majority of people who 
file capital gains taxes make less than 
$50,000. 


August Elliott 
Marietta, Georgia 


STUNTWOMEN 
Wow, sensuous stuntwomen (March)! 
They are all pretty, but I'm most inter- 
ested in Dana Hee. She's a beautiful, 
dangerous martial arts champion who 
speaks four languages. She's one hell of 
a woman. 
Sal Oliveri 
Gilroy, California 


Trisha Lane is beautiful. She deserves 
a leading role. Can you give her a picto- 
rial of her own? 
J.R. Longoria 
josephlærunnerjplutsa.edu 
San Antonio, Texas 


I was really proud and pleased to see 
my daughter Jean Alison Malahni so 
beautifully photographed by Arny Frey- 
tag in the Stuntwomen pictorial. I am now 
а PLAYBOY subscriber. 


ie Malahni 
Kernville, California 


THE GURU AND THE GADFLY 
Bob Sipchen’s exposé on the pop 

shaman John-Roger (March) is a person- 
al vindication for me. Three months af- 
ter attending his Insight I “shame-ins,” 
my wife asked me for a divorce. She had 
wanted me to participate, but I refused 
and warned her that the seminars placed 
an unnecded strain on our already 
frayed relationship. Granted, there was 
ample blame to go around, but Insight I 
dealt the fatal blow to our ten-year mar- 
riage. My ex-wife isa lovely person and I 
know she is scarching. We all are. I can 
only hope that someday she'll travel a 
different road to enlightenment. 

Ed Ballinger 

Santa Fe, New Mexico 


Being spiritual is not about magic and 
hocus-pocus, The Movement of Spiritual 
Inner Awareness is not a secret organi- 
zation, nor does it resemble a cult. In 
the 26 years that I have been a student 
of MSIA and John-Roger, I have never 


FOR 200 YEARS 
WE'VE MADE 
JIM BEAM WITH 
PRIDE. NOW YOU 
CAN WEAR IT 
THAT WAY, TOO. 


‘These Jim Beam 200th Anniversary items are 
available this year only. Call 1-800-821-6581 to 
place order. Or complete and return coupon below. 


Cream cotton twill baseball 
hat embroidered with 200th 
logo. Visor is red with 
adjustable back. $1() 00“ 


== 


mat |17 


100% cotton 
T-shirts, made in 
USA. Available in 
white or black with 
200th logo silk-seræned. 


LorXL 810.00" 


100% cotton pique golf 
shirt, Grey with black 
trim, embroidered with 
200th logo. 


Lor XL.897 50° 


Qty. 


Bu & DM Subtotal 
85 up to $11.00 [ar 
sass 81101-53000 Shipping 
$595 83001 and up Total 
State — Zip 


DCheck/Morey Order Discover Card OVisa DMastercerd 
Account No. 

Expiration Date 

Signature 

Make check payable to: Jim Beam 200th Offer. 
Mail to: Jim Beam Offer, PO. Box 768, 


n 


PLAYBOY 


12 


heard him hint at being greater than Je- 
sus. John-Roger always tells us to check 
things out for ourselves—including what 
he teaches. 
Louise Wyatt 
Garland, Texas 


I, along with most of the other people 
who have studied with John-Roger. did 
not check my mind at the seminar door 
only to pick it up several years later. I am 
successful in business and personal rela- 
tionships, and what I have learned in the 
past 15 years since meeting John-Roger 
has helped me to achieve these things. 

Caryn Kanzer 
New York, New York 


AMBER SMITH 
Hot on Hot (March) is an understate- 

ment. Its rare when any woman fea- 
tured in your magazine can be com- 
pared to Marilyn Monroc and not make 
the writer look like a fool. Amber Smith 
makes the writer look extremely smart, 
indeed, 

Edward Shad 

Baldwin Place, New York 


The Amber Smith pictorial reminds 
me of classic Sixties pinups. I am very 
impressed. 

Jai Jeffers 
Townsend, Tennessee 


Before your March pictorial, I didn't 
know who Amber Smith was. Now I'll 
never forget her. 

T.J. Leverette III 
College Park, Georgia 


WOMEN 
Cynthia Heimel hits the nail on the 

head in “I Am Woman” (March). Women 
are acting less and less like women, and 
I'm not stereotyping them. Before you 
label me a male chauvinist, listen up. Po- 
lice forces have found female officers to 
be better at defusing potentially violent 
domestic situations than male officers. 
The problem is that too many women 
feel pressured to conform to male be- 
havior. Please compete with us based on 
your own unique qualities. 

John Martinez 

stdjxm01 @pip.shsu.edu 

Huntsville, Texas 


May I suggest that there are many 
modern men who do not find giggling a 
turn-on and who in fact value intelli- 
gence in a woman? I'm sure I'm not the 
only soul who doesn't see femininity and 
being a capable person as mutually 
exclusive. 

Ed Tracey 
Claremont, New Hampshire 


Every time I read Cynthia Heimel's 
column I want to scream, Women put 
too much emphasis on having a man, 


and it's competition among women that 
creates this mentality. Men have hang- 
ups and imperfections, but we don't 
blame society for our problems. Why 
aren't people willing to accept responsi- 
bility for their actions? If you are not 
who or what you want to be, don’t attach 
yourself to someone else like a parasite. 
Just get off your ass and make some 
changes. 

Jim Glaekin 

Fort Lauderdale, Florida 


Poor Cynthia Heimel: You can't quite 
make it as a woman but you wouldn't be 
caught dead trying to be a man. 

Derek Smith 
Denver, Colorado 


THE HEART OF TEXAS 

Playmate Stacy Sanches (March) truly 
proves to the world what we in the Lone 
Star state have always known: Texas 


ladies are the prettiest on both sides of 
the Pecos. 


Jeffrey Caffey 
San Antonio, Texas 


In my 26 years, I've seen two wonders 
of the world—Niagara Falls and Geor- 
gia's Stone Mountain. And now I've seen 
another. 
Kevin Baker 
Jackson, Ohio 


My only question is: What do we have 
to do to see more of Stacy Sanches’ won- 
derful sister, Kim? 

Chris Berry 

Fort Meade, Maryland 


God bless Texas. Never have I bought 
an extra issue to go with my subscription 
copy until now. I believe I have seen the 
1996 Playmate of the Year. 

Michael Scott 
Phoenix, Arizona 


Stacy Sanches is the hottest woman I 
have ever seen. I was compelled to steal 
the March PLAYBOY from my roommate. 
Tell Stacy there's a 22-year-old student 
in Bowling Green who will take her two- 
stepping any time. 

William Kashner 
Bowling Green, Ohio 


UNFOUNDED RUMORS 
I must say I am extremely disappoint- 
ed at pLaysoy and Hef for taking away 
Traci Adell's PMOY title for her involve- 
ment with O.J. Simpson. Traci Adell was 
originally chosen to be Playmate of the 
Year, but when she said something like, 
“OJ. sounded guilty,” Hef decided to 
take the title away from her. I am upset 
about PLAYBOY's policy to let such politics 
enter into the issue. Can Hef single- 
handedly decide the PMOY without tak- 
ing the public voting into account? 
Joon Byun 
aepub.duke.edu 
Durham, North Carolina 
This story was circulated by a few gossip 
columnists, and is nearing the status of an ur- 
ban legend on the Net. But there’s no truth to 
it. The editors of the magazine, including 
Hef, take many fadors, including the reader 
preference poll, into consideration when se- 
lecting the Playmate of the Year. Phone calls 
from O.J. are not among them. 


PLAYBOY ON THE INTERNET 
I support your effort to bring PLAYBOY 
to the wire. It is important to establish 
freedom from censorship on the Inter- 
net before regulators destroy it. When a 
powerful force such as PLAYBOY gets in- 
volved, it encourages others. Having 
said that, why do you publish electronic 
addresses when you don’t publish mail- 
ing addresses? 
Jerry Howard 
Houston, Texas 
We'll repeat what we said in the letters col- 
umn last November: We are sensitive to issues 
of privacy. If you don’t want us to publish 
your e-mail address, let us know. 


AN UNEXPECTED GIFT 
This letter is to thank Hugh Hefner 
and the Playboy organization for the 
many contributions they have made to 
my life through the magazine, the clubs 
and Playboy TV. Asa token of my appre- 
ciation, I’m leaving $100,000 to his foun- 
dation in my will. 
Richard Burke 
Rochester, Michigan 
Thank you for your generosity. We hope it 
will be a Tong time before your will needs to 
be read. The Hugh M. Hefner Foundation is 
а tax-exempt entity set up to fight the good 
fight. Like People for the American Way 
and the ACLU, the HMH Foundation dis- 
tributes funds to other charitable foundations 
whose interests and philosophies are similar 


to ours. 
El 


Cuervo Gold rh 
formal и 


DE Me . Paty Ми 
MH instructions: [ 
я: CE Lick mesar, 2 
mE Shoot ne cia, б 
4 Z2 n Bite т. ET 
å MA SIP the beer. 
& Y - Practice males perfect. 


PRIMO TEQUILA. 


PLAYBOY AFTER HOURS 


GROUPER THERAPY 


There has always been a thin line be- 
tween life and art in Los Angeles, and 
the latest example of this is an evening of 
group therapy at a cabaret that's styled 
as a dinner theater. At Dr. Stella Res- 
nick’s weekly Talk Theater, sex is the fa- 
vorite topic. The psychotherapist's “in- 
teractive theatrical experience” allows 
audience members to dine on elegant 
Mediterranean cuisine before she serves 
up such spicy issues as “Sex Without 
Sex: The New Eroticism,” “Flirting, 
Teasing and Seduction: The Joys and 
Hazards” and “Breaking Through Plea- 
sure Barriers: How Good Can It Get?” 
After a short monolog, Dr. Resnick 
throws a few questions to the crowd, and 
the free-for-all begins. For example, a 
woman sits on the lighted stage as she 
answers questions from her husband in 
the darkened audience. “My purpose in 
having people get up there is to make 
them think,” says Resnick. “Most people 
haven't reached anywhere near their 
sexual potential. We need to experiment 
more.” Lobster tail, anyone? 


ELECTRONIC GRAPEVINE 


It was bound to happen: There is a 
wine page on the World Wide Web that 
includes a tasting archive, where you can 
rate—and disagree with—the opinions 
of wine expert Robert Parker, and some- 
thing called a virtual tasting group. 
Hmm, sort of dry—but with amusing 
pretensions. 


THE ROYAL STROKE 


The golf pro at the Pyongyang golf 
club where North Korean leader Kim 
Jong Il plays swears that the dictator 
shot a 34 ona recent round of 18 holes. 
This feat included five holes in one. We 
understand the littlest dictator is also a 
skilled fisherman and regularly lands 
very big fish. 


NEVER NETHERLANDS 


America’s views on sex are quite prud- 
ish when compared with Europe's, as 
film director Jonathan Blank discovered 


when he released Sex, Drugs and Democ- 
racy, his documentary on morality in the 
Netherlands. Problems arose with the 
Landmark Theaters chain, which was 
planning to run the film on several of its 
screens. Apparently, Landmark has a 
policy of not allowing anyone under the 
age of 18 to work ina theater that shows 
a film with explicit material. As part of a 
compromise, the theater chain forced 
a 17-year-old female employee to take a 
leave of absence. That she was pregnant 
at the time made no difference. 


STIFF JUDGMENT 


A practical nurse in Gary, Indiana 
wants to avoid the agony that she has 
seen others suffer un life support aud. 
has stipulated in a living will that no such 
measures should be used to prolong her 
life. To make certain that the appropri- 
ate people get the message when the 
time comes, she had the living will tat- 
tooed on her stomach. In the meantime, 
we can't shake the mental image of her 
lover pausing suddenly in the middle of 
sex and blurting out, “You mean I don't 
even get the car?” 


ILLUSTRATION BY GARY KELLEY 


ANOTHER RUNAWAY BRONCO 


Aaron Miller, a teenager, tried to out- 
run sheriff's deputies in Leon, New 
York. Problem was, Miller is Amish and 
he was making his escape in a horse- 
drawn buggy. The deputies followed in 
their squad car for four miles before 
stopping Miller and charging him with 
traffic violations. 


THE NUTTY PROFESSOR 


An issue of Lingua Franca reported 
that Barry Dank, a sociologist at Califor- 
nia State University-Long Beach, has 
come up with a response to people out- 
raged by male professors who hit on 
their female students. He argues that 
ош the professors and the students are 
victims and that they're “oppressed by 
feminists who work to make their rela 
tionships illegal.” To rectify the situation, 
Dank is organizing Consenting Academ- 
ics for Sexual Equity, a consortium of 
sexual freedom fighters who meet on 
the Internet. 


Speaking of the Net, the following 
message is as interesting for its path of 
origin as for its information. It had trav- 
eled from the National Institutes of 
Health to Columbia University to Har- 
vard University to, finally, the University 
of Chicago Law School, where it was 
picked up on e-mail: “In 1977 there 
were 37 Elvis impersonators in the 
world. In 1993, there were 48,000. At 
this rate, by the year 2010 one out of 
every three people will be an Elvis im- 
personator.” Who says tenure isn't a 
beautiful thing? 


REACH OUT AND 
HIGH-FIVE SOMEONE 


These days, it seems that we do every- 
thing over phone lines. Now, to recap- 
ture the cool elation of high-fiving some- 
опе, members of the jacked-in crowd say 
“phone five” during a call and then 
press the “5” key. Others send and re- 
ceive e-mail messages that simply read 
“Five!” We expect that as time becomes 


16 


RAW 


DATA 


FACT OF THE 

MONTH 
Since May 6, 1954, 
when British runner 
Roger Bannister 
shattered the four- 
minute barrier for 
the mile, more than 
700 people have run 
a mile in less than 

four minutes. 


QUOTE 

“It is not neces- 
sary to imagine the 
world ending in fire 
or ice. There are 
two other possibili- 
ties: One is paperwork, and the other 
is nostalgia." —FRANK ZAPPA 


MOMMIES DEAREST 

Percentage of American women 
who believe they are better mothers. 
than their mothers: 33; percentage 
who believe they are just zs good: 54; 
percentage who believe they are not. 
so good: 10. Percentage of American. 
mothers who talk with. their own 
mothers every day: 25; percentage 
who never talk with their mothers: 0.6. 


GRADE AAA 
According to recent advertisements 
in student newspapers, the going rate 
offered by infertile couples to Welles- 
ley students and faculty to serve 
as egg donors: $5000; rate for 
egg donors who attend Yale: $2500; 
rate for egg donors who attend 
Columbia: $2000. Average rate for 

Ivy League sperm: $50. 


ROLL ON, COLOMBIA 

Number of Colombian peasant 
families that make their living grow- 
ing illegal drugs: 300,000. Number 
who make their living growing coffee: 
300,000. Of the 700 tons of cocaine 
that were produced in or shipped 
through Colombia in 1993, number 
of tons confiscated in government 
seizures: 27. 


DOES NOT COMPUTE 
Price of an Apple I computer in 
1976: $666; its value in 1978: $100; 
current value: $5000 to $12,000. 


‘CELEBRITY WASH 

Of 110 publicly 
owned companies 
that used celebrities 
in their advertising 
from 1980 to 1992, 
number whose stock 
increased in price: 
64. Average percent- 
age of increase: 0.44. 


THE WINLESS CITY 

Professional sports 
franchise that has 
gone the longest 
time without win- 
ning a champion- 
ship: Chicago Cubs, 
86 years. Runner-up: Chicago White 
Sox, 77 years. 


SORRY STATES 
Number of states that require li- 
censes for pleasure-boat operators: 1; 
number that require criminal back- 
ground checks for schoolteachers: 8; 
number that have laws prohibiting 
gay sex: 22. 


GOLD CRUSH 

Amount of gold mined in the U.S. 
during 1853, the peak year of the 
gold rush: 3.5 million ounces. 
Amount of gold mined in U.S. last 
year: 10.6 million ounces. Percentage 
of gold mined on public land: 43. Of 
mining companies that use public 
land, percentage that are foreign 
owned: 58. Price that the federal gov- 
ernment charged mining companies 
for public land in 1872: $2.50 to $5 
per acre. Price charged today: $2.50 
to $5 per acre. 


TEEN SCORECARD 

Percentage of teenagers who have 
sex on a first date when neither per- 
son is drinking alcohol: 8; percentage 
who have sex when only the girl 
drinks: 6; percentage who have sex 
when only the boy drinks: 24; per- 
centage when both drink: 19. 


WIDENING INTERNET 
The projected number of Internet 
hosts in 1999, according to the Inter- 
net Socicty: 100 million. 
— PAUL ENGLEMAN 


even more scarce, phone sex will be re- 
placed by “phone pound.” 


EVEN STEVEN 


It's not the size of the ship, it's the 
arrangement of your deck chairs. Ac- 
cording to Randy Thornhill, an evolu- 
tionary biologist at the University of 
New Mexico, the best predictor of a 
woman's orgasm is how symmetrical her 
partner's body is. In Thornhill’s study of 
105 undergraduate couples, he found 
that women with attractive mates—men 
whose features were measured and 
deemed highly symmetrical—tend to 
reach orgasm more easily. The idea is 
that symmetry in facial and body struc- 
tures is an indicator of healthy genes. 
Since it's belicved that a woman intrinsi- 
cally desires the best genes for her off- 
spring and that she retains more sperm 
when she dimaxes, mating based on 
looks is a recipe for bearing strong, vi- 
tal children. It’s also the evolutionary 
equivalent of great sex. 


DEAD HEADBOARD 


Now you can sleep like the dead: Just 
check into the new Jerry Garcia Suite 
in Los Angeles’ Beverly Prescott Hotel. 
The former room 807 features decor 
and artwork inspired by Garcia's draw- 
ings. There's an embossed fish motif 
on the lampshades, upholstery patterns 
based on Garcia prints and framed de- 
signer neckties from the official Garcia 
line. The problem is the room rate: 
$300. To your average Deadhead, that’s 
two months’ worth of gas for the van and 
a tank of nitrous oxide. 


SAFE FAX, HOT FAX 


Its been a few years since the faxual 
revolution, and each day it seems we 
give or receive some fax. There's fax at 
home, fax at the office and, of course, fax 
at the Playboy Mansion—which recently 
received a widely traveled daisy-chain 
fax about faxing. Here it is: 

Q. Do I have to be married to have 
safe fax? 

A. Although married people fax quite 
often, there are many single people who 
fax complete strangers every day. 

Q. My parents say they never faxed 
when they were young and had to write 
memos to each other until they were 21. 
How old should you be before you fax? 

A. Faxing can be performed at any 
age, once you learn how. 

Q. Isa cover necessary for faxing? 

A. Unless you are positive about whom 
you are faxing, a cover should be used to 
ensure safe fax. 

Q. I have a personal fax and a business 
fax. What if I mix up my transmissions? 

A. Bi-faxuality can be confusing, but as 
long as you use a cover each time, you 
won't transmit anything you're not sup- 
posed to. 


ES CA 


Аг men 


` 
м. 


Calvin Klem e 


eau de toilette 


ESCAPE 


for men 


| 


Open fold for 
ESCAPE for men 


MOVIES 


By BRUCE WILLIAMSON 


A SELF-HELP GURU with a cable TV show 
is portrayed by Dennis Hopper in direc- 
tor David Salle's Search and Destroy (Octo- 
ber Films). Hopper’s Dr. Luthor Waxling 
has also written an inspirational book, 
which a nerd named Martin Merkheim 
(Griffin Dunne) is determined to make 
into a movie. First, Merkheim makes off 
with Dr. Waxling's ditzy receptionist (Il- 
leana Douglas), who has ideas of her 
own for a grisly slasher film. Together 
they envision the heroine as “a fully real- 
ized, multidimensional character—with 
large breasts.” It should be clear by now 
that everyone is up to some mischief 
in this eccentric black comedy. Some of 
the peripheral characters are played 
by Rosanna Arquette, Ethan Hawke, 
Christopher Walken and John Turtur- 
ro—the latter in a showstopping stint as 
а miscreant from hell. Decidedly not for 
the squeamish, Salle's odd, arresting 
film was produced by Martin Scorsese, a 
man with a history for being ever on the 
lookout for fresh talent. YY 


Impeccable good taste is almost a 
detriment to Jefferson in Paris (Touch- 
stone), the latest in the Merchant-Ivory 
canon of literate first-class cinema. The 
usual troika—producer Ismail Mer- 
chant, director James Ivory and author 
Ruth Prawer Jhabvala—joined forces to 
dramatize Thomas Jefferson's tour as 
U.S. ambassador to France (1784-1789). 
Those were the years when Jefferson, 
played stolidly by Nick Nolte, dallied 
with a married Anglo-Italian (Greta 
Scacchi). He also brought to Paris his 
daughter Patsy (Gwyneth Paltrow) and 
Sally Hemings (Thandie Newton), the 
beautiful black slave who bore a number 
of his children. Gorgeously costumed 
and photographed, the movie unfolds at 
a languid pace—long on narration and 
much too cautious about Jefferson's pec- 
cadilloes. Meanwhile, the French Revo- 
lution comes across as a minor distrac- 
tion; Sally's pregnancy and Patsy's desire 
to enter a French convent seem to car- 
ry greater weight. Jefferson in Paris has 
stately style to spare but lacks cohesion 
and momentum. ¥¥¥ 


The heroine of Picture Bride (Miramax) 
Riyo (Youki Kudoh), the mail-order 
wife of a Japanese sugarcane worker in 
early 20th century Hawaii. Since her 
middle-aged husband (Akira Takayama) 
has lured her with a photograph taken 
in his youth, Riyo wants to leave before 
the shock wears off. Instead, she stays 
and struggles with plantation life, finds 


Nolte and Scacchi in Jefferson's Paris. 


Foreign affairs flounder, 
weirdos make waves and family 
matters loom large. 


comfort with a kindred soul (Tamlyn 
‘Tomita as Kana) and ultimately accepts 
her lot. Writer-director Kayo Hatta, with 
her sister Mari as co-author, drew on her 
own ancestry and careful research to 
shape a delicate, touching tribute to the 
men and women who settled Hawaii. 
Winner of the Audience Award for best 
dramatic feature at this year’s Sundance 
Film Festival, the eloquent. bilingual Pic 
ture Bride has visual panache to match its 
poetic sensibility. ¥¥¥ 


Win or lose this year's Oscar race for 
Best Foreign Language Film, Nikita Mi- 
khalkov's Russian-made Burnt by the Sun 
(Sony Classics) is another extraordinary 
drama by the director whose 1992 Close 
to Eden was also an Oscar nominee. 
Mikhalkov dons other hats as writer and 
star of this lyrical political saga, which 
takes place during a single sunny day at 
a country house in 1936. A charismatic 
actor, Mikhalkov plays Kotov, a former 
Red Army hero whose record as a loyal 
revolutionary does not exempt him from 
Stalin's wrath. In a dacha bustling with 
friends and family, he is enjoying the 
good life with his wife, Maroussia (Inge- 
borga Dapkounaite), and his six-year-old 
daughter (winsomely played by Mikhal- 
kov's own daughter, Nadia) when an un- 
expected guest interrupts their Chek- 
hovian idyll. The visitor is handsome 
Dimitri (Oleg Menchikov), Maroussia's 


lover years earlier and now a secret-po- 
lice agent assigned to arrest Kotov for 
unspecified offenses. Dimitri's seductive 
warmth masks his true mission, and 
Burnt by the Sun exposes the horrors of 
Stalinism with unnerving gentility. Mi- 
khalkov mounts scene after scene of 
stunning contrasts—first, army tanks 
lined up on bivouac around a wheat field 
full of jolly peasants; later, a hot-air bal- 
loon lifting an image of Comrade Stalin 
over the peaceful countryside. In an un- 
abashed message film about “the betray- 
ing sun” of revolution, Mikhalkov makes 
his message shimmer and sting, ¥¥¥¥ 


А flagrantly sentimental slice of Amer- 
icana can be found in writer-director 
Gregory Nava’s My Family (New Line). 
Spanning several generations of a Mexi- 
can immigrant family settled in Los An- 
geles since the Twenties, the movie's pri- 
mary focus is on three brothers played 
with Latin passion and macho assurance 
by Esai Morales, Edward James Olmos 
and Jimmy Smits. Other family mem- 
bers include the boys’ devout, loving 
parents and their sister Toni (Constance 
Marie), who first becomes a nun, then a 
social activist married to a former priest 
(Scott Bakula). Olmos as Paco is an aspir- 
ing writer whosc narration knits togeth- 
er a story that is top-heavy with violence, 
sex appeal and pure schmaltz made 
palatable by the efforts of a superior cast. 
In short, there's everything here to sus- 
tain a long-run, heartrending Hispanic 
soap opera. ҰУ/: 


He is hostile to women, abhors the 
movie made from his own Fritz the Cat 
and admits to a childhood sexual fixa- 
tion on Bugs Bunny. So it goes with- 
Crumb (Sony Classics), director Terry 
Zwigoff's compelling close-up of rene- 
gade artist Robert Crumb, whose icono- 
clastic Zap Comix and subsequent work 
have made him a cult hero. Also singled 
out by Time's art critic Robert Hughes as 
“the Bruegel of the 20th century, 
Crumb is privately an outrageous, nerdy 
misanthrope. Interviews with him, his 
current wife, his ex-wife, relatives and 
former girlfriends create the impression 
that a dysfunctional family background 
is no hindrance to major success. Not if 
you have enough talent. Is Crumb sym- 
pathetic? Rarely, but it is enormously en- 
tertaining. It is also a sad, darkly comic 
portrait of the artist as an egocentric odd 
man out. ¥¥¥/2 


Swords, stones and wooden spears are 
Mel Gibson's weapons in Braveheort 


18 


Sara: At home in the Macidlening crowd. 


FF CAMERA 


She has been a clue in the New 
York Times crossword puzzle, listed 
as: Actress Mia. But Mia Sora, 27, is 
better known for her screen roles, 
recently as Jean-Claude Van 
Damme’s mistreated missus in 
Time Cop. “That was me hanging 
from a rooftop in ice-cold Vancou- 
ver. Then they put a rain machine 
on me. I nearly passed out.” 

Phoning in from Arizona, where 
she's about to co-star in a new 
movie with Gil Bellows, Mia had 
just wrapped a guest shot on the 
ТУ series Chicago Hope (“playing a 
transsexual”). She also appears in 
The Maddening, in which she’s kid- 
napped by Angie Dickinson and 
Burt Reynolds. "It's sort of a vic- 
tim role. They chain me to a bed 
and take my kid away.” Even so, 
she relished working with Burt 
and Angie. “It was a thrill. Burt is 
an icon to me. I have a huge soft 
spot for him, and he knows it.” 
She also waxes ecstatic about 
working with Michael Caine in 
Bullet to Beijing, a Showtime espi- 
onage saga shot in St. Petersburg. 
“Michael is wonderful and funny. 
He and Burt are my two favo: 
leading men.” 

Mia, born in Brooklyn, did 
some TV commercials while in 
high school and lucked into her 
ovie carcer opposite Tom Cruise 
in Legend. Her college plans were 
deferred for a role in Ferris 
Bueller's Day Off, and the rest is his- 
tory. A flying buff, she acknowl- 
edges being in a minor tailspin at 
the end of a two-year relationship: 
“I could sing you some scrious 
blues right now.” More domestic 
than driven, Mia likes to stay at 
home in Los Angeles, devouring 
inystery novels or spoiling her 
dog, Oscar, a grouchy Wheaten 
terrier, gold-coated but not named 
for the Academy's trophy. "It was 
the only name he'd answer to. And 
if he’s the only golden Oscar I ever 
get, that's OK.” 


(Paramount). Doubling as director and 
star, sporting a knee-length kilt and 
shoulder-length hair, Gibson portrays 
the kind of big-budget swashbuckler sel- 
dom seen on movie screens today. It’s 
m Wallace, the 13th 
century Scottish liberator who leads a 
revolution against English rule after his 
beautiful wife (Catherine McCormack) is 
brutally murdered. Far less credible is a 
romance between Wallace and the ene- 
my English princess played by Sophie 
Marceau, who is sent by the malevolent 
King Edward I (Patrick McGoohan) to 
placate the rebellious Scots. Otherwise, 
Braveheart’s action is nonstop, its scenery 
awesome. Gibson can add another feath- 
er to his cap for this vivid re-creation of a 
bloody, turbulent era full of passion, pol- 
itics, patriotism and extravagant head- 
long heroics. УУУУ; 


The unlikely friendship between an 
exiled Chilean poet and the uneducated 
Italian dreamer who delivers his mail is 
the subject of The Postman (Miramax), 
English director Michael Radford’s poi- 
gnant tragicomedy set in Italy in the ear- 
ly Fifties. France's Philippe Noiret por- 
trays the poet Pablo Neruda, with Italy’s 
Massimo Troisi as the mailman who 
learns about life, love and poetry from 
his newfound friend. The movie may 
well be remembered for the wrong rea- 
son as Troisi’s last performance. A major 
star in his homeland, the actor suffered 
from a heart ailment and died at the age 
of 41 within hours after his work on the 
film was finished. To know that sad fact 
merely heightens The Postman’s impact as 
an otherwise leisurely minor gem. УУУУ? 


Exquisite cinematography is hardly 
new in movies from China. But even by 
that standard, director He Ping's Red 
Firecracker, Green Firecracker (October 
Films) is a stunner. Set in the early 20th 
century, the story dramatizes the plight 
of Chun Zhi (played by lovely Ning 
Jing), an only child raised as a boy be- 
cause a girl would not be permitted to 
inherit her family’s fireworks factory. So 
it is that Chun Zhi, called master by her 
colleagues, grows up wearing men's 
dothing ina man’s world until her sexu- 
ality is aroused by a lusty young artist 
(Wu Gang). Their passion leads to out- 
rage, ridicule, ostracism and a climax 
that lights up the sky. Once Chun Zhi is 
acknowledged as a woman, two suitors 
compete for her hand in marriage. They 
perform perilous dances with fireworks, 
one of which involves her lover setting 
off rockets lodged in his crotch, Thus, 
Red Firecracker becomes a ball buster, in- 
deed, verging on foolish overkill but 
far too exotic and spectacular to be 
dismissed. ¥¥¥ 


MOVIE SCORE CARD 


capsule close-ups of current films 
by bruce williamson 


Amateur (Reviewed 5/95) Amnesiac 
smut peddler and a sexually obsessed 


nun. Wh 
The Bosketball Diaries (5/95) He drib- 
bles his life away on drugs. vv 


Broveheort (Sce review) Gibson stars, 
directs and goes the distance. ¥¥¥/2 
Burnt by the Sun (Sce review) Red Rus- 
sia revisited in high style. wur 
Circle of Friends (4/95) Young Irish folk 
relish the mating game. Wy 
Crumb (See review) Meet the kinky 
man who is behind that subversive 


comic art. Well 
Forinelli (5/95) Elegant look at Italy's 
last castrato. УУУУ 


Jefferson іп Paris (See review) Tom cats 
around rather sedately. Wy 
Kiss of Death (5/95) Far from NYPD 
Blue, Caruso still scores big. wy 
The Lost Good Time (5/95) Young waif 
restores old guy's joie de vivre. УУ 
Love and Human Remains (Listed only) 
In director Denys Arcand’s stark ur- 
ban cauldron, everyone stews. ¥¥¥ 
The Madness of King George (3/95) One 
more royal, rutting English rout. YYY 
Martha & Ethel (4/95) Two memorable 
old nannies and how they grew. ¥¥¥/2 
Mina Tannenbaum (5/95) A French jeune 
fille and her lifelong friend. Wr 
Muriel's Wedding (4/95) She's big, bold 
and recklessly altar-bound. ww 
My Family (See review) Keeping track 
of a Chicano clan in L.A. Wr 
Once Were Warriors (4/95) In New 
Zealand, a battered wife rebels. ¥¥¥ 
Outbreak (Listed only) Dustin Hoff- 
man and cast pursue love, justice and 
a deadly virus in a standard-issue but 
nonstop biological thriller. Wh 
Ponther (Listed only) Some militant 
Sixties cats make the fur fly. yyy 
Picture Bride (See review) A sad, rueful 
Hawaiian love song. wy 
The Postmen (Sec review) Italian hu- 
man comedy with a tragic twist. YYY/2 
Priest (5/95) Gay Liverpool church- 
man hasa lot of angst to confess. ¥¥¥¥ 
Red Firecracker, Green Firecracker (See 
review) Rocket romance. m 
Roommates (4/95) Falk fills all the 
space asa grand old grandpa. УУЗУ 
Search and Destroy (Sce review) For 
damned sure, something special. ¥¥ 
The Sum of Us (4/95) Down under with 
a permissive father and his homosex- 
ual son. Wa 
Swimming With Sharks (5/95) Spacey as 
а man-eating Hollywood mogul. ¥¥/2 
The Underneath (5/95) Habitual gam- 
bler takes a long, last chance. ¥¥¥ 


¥¥ Worth a look 
Y Forgetit 


YYYY Don't miss 
¥¥¥ Good show 


Canada to the extreme | 


cementing Canada’s тери 


ing С Y ion as 
the ultimate location for extreme 
sports. 
Each year thousands of thrillseck- 
ers assault the rugged mountainsides 
that fill Canada like ice cubes in „Ка 


cup. Whether they are heli- en Ва 
snowboarders, ice climbers or any 
other form of adrenaline junkie, 


Canada satisfies their rst for the 
Y 
Wever, their apple _ 


extreme, How. 

to push the 

insatiable, Envelope) № yy 
Or nce 


= 
Key SS 


(019% imparted by Narlet nporing Co. vc. Reston, VA 


SNE 


STEN NT Mey TER, 


SIDE © ш да 


Experience the colder, bolder, smoother taste of Molson Ice. Ice-brewed and ice-filtered 
by North America’s oldest brewery. Molson of Canada. 


MOLSON ICE 


By this time, you've probably figured 
out that we're having a little fun with 
this ad. But for extreme fun, be on the 
look out for information on the 
Molson Ice Polar Beach Party. An 
intimate concert with high profile 
bands in the most extreme 

‘ronment - Tuktoyaktuk, Canada. 
ЕЕ on the Arctic Ocean, 
ated about 25 far north as 
Tuktoyaktuk 5 Fete sleeping in an 

you can £9 wit 
igloo- the 
bars across åg of 
Beach h ети теш 


country will be 


å 74 Promos #7 jj detail how 
OE er zx gls W OP eople to 
о 


year. 


Visit Molson Ice on the Interret at htip/www.molsanice.com 


THIS PRODUCT 
MAY CAUSE GUM 


DISEASE AND 
TOOTH LOSS 


SKOAL- 


А N 2, NG CL 


x — Your time deserves the best. ` SKOAL 


VIDEO 


GUEST SHOT 


Candice Bergen is a 
take-charge woman 
as Murphy Brown, 
but when it comes 
to home viewing, her 
nine-year-old daugh- 
ter calls the shots. 
"I watch whatever 
videos Chloe is inter- 
ested in,” concedes Bergen. "We used 
to screen Bambi, Fantasia and Snow 
White—my own favorite as a kid—but 
now she's past the Disney stage.” Dwarfs 
and deer have been ditched for Hitch: Rear 
Window, To Catch a Thief and Notorious. 
“She loves mysteries and knows all the 
stars of the Thirties and Forties,” brags 
Mom. Other mother-daughter picks are 
The Treasure of the Sierra Madre, It's a 
Wonderful Life and a few films by Dad 
(Louis Malle). Any of Mom's films on the 
shelf? “I tried showing Chloe The Wind and 
the Lion once," reports Bergen, “but she 
doesn't like to watch her mother in the 
movies.” 


SUSAN MARUN 


VIDBITS 


This months head trip back in time will 
reawaken the teenybopper in you. From 
MPI comes Hullabaloo (1965-66), NBC's 
weekly rock-and-roll showcase (and an- 
swer to ABC's hit Shindig). The four-tape 
set features the era's big names (from 
Chuck Berry to the Byrds) and, from 
London, Beatles manager Brian Epstein 
introducing new British acts. Rhino, 
meanwhile, has released Head, the Mon- 
kees' 1969 psychedelic musical. The film 
was co-produced by director Bob Rafel- 
son and Jack Nicholson, just about the 
time they were putting together Five 
Easy Pieces. (If you think that’s odd per- 
sonnel, check out Head's supporting 
cast: Victor Mature, Annette Funicello, 
Frank Zappa, Teri Garr and Sonny Lis- 
ton.) Finally, Columbia House (800-638- 
2922) is offering a collector's edition of 
Lost in Space, the Sixties saga chronicling 
the space family Robinson's attempts to 
find its way to Alpha Centauri—this de- 
spite aliens, space pirates and Dr. Smith, 
the most duplicitous wuss in the uni- 
verse. Remember the accordion-armed 
robot screaming, “Danger, Will Robin- 
son”? Has time flown or what? 


LASER FARE 


You can always bank on filmmaker Tim 
Burton to give you an eyeful. Touch- 
stone's deluxe, three-disc (CAV) boxed 
set of Burton's brilliantly spooky puppet 
show, The Nightmare Before Christmas, in- 


cludes the full-length feature, a behind- 
the-scenes documentary (including inter- 
views with Burton and director Henry 
Selick), background art, storyboards, se- 
quences never animated, trailers, pro- 
duction photos, a still-frame archive and 
a hardcover book that includes the com- 
plete lyrics from the movie. The real 
gold mine? Frankenweenie and Vincent, 
two early shorts by Burton. The real 
nightmare? It'll set you back a hundred 
bucks. —GREGORY P FAGAN 


LITTLE BIG HOUSE 


With Shawshank Redemption, Hollywood 
renewed its devotion to prison movies. 
Up the river and into the VCR, your vid 
tour of the small-screen cooler includes: 
Escape From Alcatraz (1979): Clint in the 
clink. Eastwood and pals portray the 
only real-life cons ever to check out of 
the fabled offshore lockup prematurely. 
Look for newcomer Danny Glover. 
Birdman of Alcatraz (1962): Another true 
tale of jailbirds on the Rock, as caged- 
criminal-turned-ornithologist Burt Lan- 
caster makes nice with the canaries. 
Papillon (1973): Unlikely duo Steve Mc- 
Queen and Dustin Hoffman take a flying 
leap off Devil's Island, but not before be- 
coming buds for life. 

I Am a Fugitive From a Chain Gang (1932): 
Granddaddy of the fact-based prison 
dramas: Paul Muni beats the chains, the 
guards and the bloodhounds—twice. 
Cool Hand tuke (1967): Paul Newman is 
too hip to let hard time get him down. 
One of the actor’s greatest antihero 


X-RATED ODDITY 
OF THE MONTH 


50 much for the new 
pretty trend in adult 
video. Patrick Collins’ 
rugged Sodomania se- 
ries is as close to porn 
verité as you can get. 
Starting unknown tal- 


ent (you'd swear the Ё 

women were right off the street) in un- 
glamorous settings, this rough-edged col- 
lection features vignettes that begin at 
the sexual edge and keep going—unleash- 
ing a rarely normal, sometimes brutal, al- 
ways powerful erotic energy. Shell we 
mention the toe-sex scene in Volume Nine: 
Doin’ Time? That's all we have to say. Now 
you're on your own. — JAMES R. PETERSEN 


roles. Best scene: the hard-boiled eggs. 
Bad Boys (1983): The brat pack goes to 
the small houst as moody Sean Penn 
does time in the juvenile joint. Ally 
Sheedy's dubious debut. 

The Longest Yard (1974): Pigskin in the pen 
as ex-gridiron star Burt Reynolds leads 
pack to beat warden's dream team. A 
Sunday afternoon favorite. 

Chained Heat (1983): Linda Blair and 
busty bad-babe cell mates get nasty in 
this paradigm of prison-chick flicks. 
Weeds (1987): Nick Nolte pens himself a 
pardon from San Quentin via play des- 
tined for Broadway. Fame for the slam- 
mer set. — ELIZABETH TIPPENS 


Interview With the Vampire (undead dandies Pitt and Cruise 
bring Rice to medium boil; chills, frills and buckets of blood), 
Blue Sky (1962: Army scientist Tammy Lee Jones con't tame 
wild wife Jessica Lange; splendid acting). 


The Professional (hit man adopts nymph orphaned by cor- 
rupt DEA agents; call it Paper Maan meets Taxi Driver), A 
Low Down Dirty Shame (Keenen Ivory Wayens is o Pl. in way - 
‘ever his heed; gal Friday Jada Pinkett steals the show). 


21 


STYLE 


SUNSATIONAL SPORT SPECS 


You don't have to be a jock to appreciate the sharp looks and 
high-performance features of the newest sport sunglasses. 
What makes them so cool? Offbeat colored lenses that filter 
extreme glare and ultraviolet rays, super-secure fits and 
feather-light materials such as nylon or aluminum that won't 
weigh you down. Adi- 


das uses a special wrap- 
around lens, neoprene 
brow cushions and oth- 
er jazzy features to 


HOT SHOPPING: DENVER 


Shopping in this boomtown is a year-round Rocky Mountain 
high, and if you happen to visit the first weekend in June it'll 


be hard to miss the 
CLOTHES LINE 


Capitol Hill People’s 

Fair, featuring 550 

booths and six stages Actor B.D. Wong, co-star of ABC's 
hit sitcom All-American Girl and Dis- 

ney’s forthcoming film Father of the 


for entertainment. 
Check out Imi Jimi 

Bride 2, is making 
a fashion transition 


(609 E. 13th Ave.): A 
shop exploding with 


make its new U.S. Ath- 
letic Eyewear collection 
ultracomfortable. Those 
who are partial to small- 
er frames should check 


unique clothes, back- 
packs and suny 

. е Fashionation 
(613 E. 13th Ave. 
Hipster casualwear 


from flashy to func- 
tional. Wong used to 
arrange his closet by 
colors “from red to 
violet,” but he now 


out Revo's Sierra sun- 
glasses, designed with 
rugged nylon frames 
and UY-blocking lenses 
in blue, violet and gray. 
Bausch & Lomb gives 


22 


its Killer Loop Activ 
sunglasses (pictured center) aerodynamic optics that sleckly 
curve into the frame, while its Ray-Ban Sports Series Collec- 
tion includes an amethyst golf lens (near left) that makes it 
easier to track the ball on the green and in flight. The mir- 
rored look is back, and few styles are hipper than Oakley's Eye 
Jackets, olive-colored wraps (pictured top) that feature strik- 
ing gold lenses and 100-percent ultraviolet protection. 


POLO, ANYONE? 


When French tennis star Rene Lacoste attached a 
crocodile—his emblem—to a short-sleeved knit shirt 
back in 1933, he made sartorial history. Now, а 
ter going out with the fashion tide in the late 
Eighties, Lacoste's crocodile-embellished cotton 
pique polos are back—a perfect item for the ca- 
sual-Friday option. There are 40 colors in 
this season’s Lacoste lineup, and you can 
choose from other designer polos as well. 
Robert Stock offers classically cut steel- 
blue, aqua, yellow and heather cotton po- 
Jo shirts with ribbed navy and natural 
collars, while Derek Andrew's off- 
white, sage, slate and light brown vari- 
ations are full cut and finished with a 
chest pocket and bone buttons. Bobby 
Jones makes a luxurious two-ply cotton 
Piqué polo using Italian yarn in shades 
ranging from white to Tabasco. And Pivot 
Rules’ piqué polo features three golfers 
embroidered on the chest who are swing- 
ing toward the tee on the sleeve. 


CASUAL SHIRTS 


and off-the-wall jack- 
cts, * American Aces 
(78 S. Broadway) 
Styles from the disco © 
cra, including flight 
Jackets, vintage den- 
and funky bell- 
bottoms. е Groova- 
listic (1444 Larimer 
Square): Shoes and 
streetwear by Fumes 
and Tart, two cool lo- 
cal labels. е Wax Trax 
(638 E. 13th Ave): 
Five music stores in 
one, each grooving 

toa different beat. 


fills it with earth 
tones such as sage 
еп (the color of 
is double-breasted 
Armani suit). In 
keeping with the 
tum "form follows 
function,” Wong favors baggy Gir- 
baud blue jeans and Kenneth Cole 
shoes “because of Cole's social 
conscience.” He even opts for uti 
tarian work specs. For example, 
small silver wire frames by L.A. Eye- 


works have no nose-bridge support, 
making them fashionable, functi 
al and comfortable. 


LET THERE BE DARK 


Dark summer tans may still be in fashion, but today's 
bronzed gods are getting their color the safe way—from a 
bottle or a tube. To get a realistic golden glow from the 
latest self-tanners, you need to apply the spray or lo- 
tion evenly over clean, exfoliated skin. A favorite 
is Bain de Soleil's Sunless Tanning Creme in 
light, dark and deep-dark formulas. Guys with 
dry skin should try Hawaiian Tropic's Self 
‘Tanning Moisturizing Cream with skin-sooth- 
ing aloe vera. Neutrogena makes a great 
nonaerosol Glow Sunless Tanning Spray 
for the body (it's easy to apply) and a Glow 
Sunless Tanning Lotion for the face with a 
sun protection factor of eight. Nautica 
SelFTanner comes with SPF 6 and Polo 
Sport's SPF 8 Oil-Free Self-Tanning 
Spray is water- and sweat-resistant. Jan 3 
Tana's Golden Sunless Tan is a favorite? 
/ among bodybuilders and models. H 


OUT 


camp shirts worn with shorts and suits 


FABRICS AND COLORS. 


Washed cotton and linen; seersucker; 
gingham checks; Hawaiian prints 


Straight-point collars; anything ee 


DETAILS 


Short (to-the-elbow) sleeves; chest pockets; 
side vents; worn tucked in or out 


Starched collars; epaulets; rolled-up sleeves; 
warn wide open with gold chains 


Where & How fo Buy on page 164. 


sound, he realized 
sthing about this 
at this hour that 

ly quicksilver, 
‘looking, in 
boite filled 
dies could 


A 
\ \ \ zestful 
\utiful 


Vg from more 
NN Micr hair, a 
UN around 

3 hs the 


SN 


рт 


A 


24 basic cable or a standard antenna for 


WIRED 


I-WAY ROBBERY 


Afraid to shop on the Net for fear of 
credit card-scamming hackers? You'll be 
interested to know that several of the 
computer industry's major players have 
developed technology to make comput- 
er commerce safe. Public-key cryptogra- 
phy, the basis for Terisa Systems’ Secure 
HTTP, is one such method. Built into 
several World Wide Web brows 

protects credit card number: 
codes—one public code (included on 


electronic order forms) that turns trans- 
mitted credit card numbers into gibber- 
ish, and one private code that vendors 
use to restore the number once it ar- 
rives. Netscape Communications offers 
another encryption standard with its 
Web browser. Microsoft is working (with 
Visa) on a more complex system that in- 
volves digital signatures. And the ulu- 
mate safeguard, under development at 
Massachusetts-based Open Market, is an 
interface with the Smartcard: a plastic 
credit card that has a chip no one can 
hack or imitate. 


DSS UPDATE 


Channel surfers, ready your remotes: 
The next batch of digital satellite system 
receivers is about to hit home. When 
DSS debuted last June, RCA had the sole 
rights to sell hardware for the high-reso- 
lution television system, which offers 150 
channels of digital programming. But 
once ВСА5 18-month licensing agree- 
ment expires, or 1 million of the receiy- 
er and 18-inch dish units are sold, 
other companies can enter the 
market. Sony is readying its 
wares, Like RCA, it will offer 
DSS receivers and satellite 
dishes priced between $700 
and $900, with programming 
supplied by DirecTV and 
USSB. Local broadcasts aren't in- 
cluded in DSS packages—you need 


that. But DSS does offer movie channels 
such as Showtime and HBO, as well as 
pay-per-view films and events at prices 
comparable to cable. To maintain its 
edge, RCA, in alliance with Sun Mi- 
crosystems, has developed 
Open ТУ, interactive tele- 
vision that operates 
through a decoder box. 
With Open TV, you'll be 
able to buy concert tickets, 
video-on-demand services 
and much more 


LET THE 
GAMES BEGIN 
If Visioneering Interna- 
tional has its way, the best 
place to view the 1996 
Olympic games will be 
midtown Atlanta. That's where the com- 
pany plans to build Geo Nova, a sphere- 
shaped cultural center that's actually a 
giant fiber-optic projection screen. The 
building will be capable of broadcasting 
360-degree moving images from satellite 
feeds and an internal video system. In- 
side, visitors will be treated to a range 
of entertainment. A 70mm film and 


motion ride titled Geo, for example, will 
take you on a helicopter tour over At- 
lanta and then face-to-face with alli- 
gators in the Okefenokee swamp. In 

Stadia, an 


interactive sports arena, you'll be able to 
step up to the plate against athletes such 
as Whitey Ford and Greg Maddux. Us- 
ing a wooden bat, you'll swing at their 
pitches and check out a nearby comput- 
er to determine whether you hit a single, 
a double, a homer—or struck out. Geo 
Nova is expected to open just prior to 
the 1996 summer games. 


о" Б 


The best woy to manage that growing stack о business cards is to scan them into Pana- 
sonic’s CF-CR100 Neo File ($400, pictured below). This clever device stores up to 500 
cards in memory, which con be retrieved by name, title or company and then viewed 
on the four-inch LCD screen. To create о file, 

slip о business card into the unit's high-res- 
olution sensor. An optical character reader 
ensures 96 percent accuracy ond a key- 
board built into the bose cllows you to 
type in additional information. The Neo 
File also functions as с calendar ond 
comes with an optional PC link for 
downloading information to any Win- 
dows-compatible computer. е Home- 
video buffs should check out the new 
Videonics Edit Suite multiformat edit 
controller. It promises production са- 
pobilities that rival those of profes- 
sional editing studios—for o mere 
$699. © Portable-PC users can 
now work in the dark with the 
NCL 480 Notebook Com- 
puter Light. The $40 de- 
vice clips to the top of 
о flipped-up monitor, 
illuminating the 
keyboord, dis- 
play and work 
areo. Adding 
less than eight 
ounces to your 
trovel weight, 
the NCL 480 con run 

for two hours on the supplied 
AA NiCad rechargeable batteries. 


THE NEXT GENERO" 


It's the game of the future. The definitive 
intergalactic chess set. First of its kind 
ever to officially honor STAR TREK:“ THE 
NEXT GENERATION.” Authorized and au- 
thenticated by Paramount Pictures. 

The ultimate controntation in space. Pit- 
ting Picard, Riker and the U.S.S ENTER- 
PRISE" against their greatest foes. "Q." 
Ardra the She-Devil. Romulan Commander 
Sella. The Borg. Even Data's “twin brother,” 


The Franklin Mint 
Franklin Center, PA 19091-0001 
Please enter my order for The Official STAR TREK: 
XT G 0 lect 

author d authenticated by Paramou 
Pictures 

I need SEND ND MONEY NDW. I will receive 
2 imported playing pieces every other month but 
will be billed for only one at a time—837.50* per 
month—prior to shipment. 

n S Spar p 


SIGNATURE 


"AI OFDERS ARE SUUECI EFE 


COUNSELOR DEANNA TROI 
N 


CAPTAIN JEAN-LUC PICARD 
KING 


Playing board shown 
much smaller than 


actual size of 17% _ 
Sel 


Medals ol solid 
sterling silver accent ine | 
handsome chessboard. 


the evil android Lore. 

Thirty-two hand-painted pewter figures, 
each on its own crystal-clear base. Just 
$37.50 each. The golden-toned playing 
board, set with two solid sterling silver 
metals, at no additional charge. 


SATISFACTION GUARANTEED 
If you wish to return any Franklin Mint purchase 
you may do so within 30 days of your receipt of 


| that purchase for replacement, credit or refund. 


lease mail by June 


ved RENE PT EN 


ADDRESS — APL», 
cm — 
STATE _ 


TELEPHONE # ( 


Crystal. Sterling Silver. 24 Karat Gold. 


MULTIMEDIA 
REVIEWS & NEWS 


ON CD-ROM 
When your boss is getting on your 
nerves, load Take Your Best Sher into your 
CD-ROM drive and vent. Thumb candy 
for warped minds, this title features the 
inimitable animation of Bill Plympton, 
an artist whose work appears regularly 
on MTV. Plympton also has garnered 
numerous awards, including an Oscar 
nomination and the prestigious Jury 
Prize at Cannes. Take Your Best Shot is 
his first foray into multimedia, and it's 


addictive. Besides offering a selection of 


screen savers, wallpaper and sound 
clips, the disc includes arcade-style 
games in which you get to obliterate “the 
boss” in wacky ways. In a game titled 
Best Shot, for example, you rack up 


CYBER SCOOP 


|. You can now wear your emoticons 
оп your sleeve—und your head. A 
New Jersey-bosed company colled 
netwe@r has creoted a line of 
T-shirts (516) ond baseball cops 
(517) feoturing the keyboord chor- 
acters thot online junkies use to 
convey feelings. We like the wink ;) 
and angst —:o symbols best. Don't 
get it? Just give the magozine a 
turn clockwise. 


Some people spoil oll the fun. A 
California company hos created o 
software program that blows the 
whistle on employees who ploy 
computer gomes on company 
time. Colled Game Cop, the prod- 
ud con be progrommed to recog- 
nize more thon 100 popular fitles. 


points by pummeling his pliable puss 
with your fist (pictured above right), by 
blowing his head off or by twisting his 
nose, snipping off his head with scissors 
and then watching the head spin—and 
spray—in the breeze. Don't worry, the 
game isn't as sick as it sounds. Plympton 


goes for laughs—and 
he gets plenty. Other 
games include Hot 
Shot, a tribute to 
Atari's Pong; Head 
Shot, a game in 
which you blast your 
way through a wall 
of big, ugly heads 
(guess whose); and 
Line Shot, a baseball- 
type game that’s 
more fun than any 
simulation we've 
seen. (By 7th Level, for Windows, $20.) 


If you operate a business from your 
26 home or are simply interested in track- 


Heretic: Doom with wizards 


ing lost family members, friends or that 
guy who skipped town with the cash he 
Owes you, Select Phone isa must-have CD- 
ROM. Updated annually, the five-dis 

tle contains more than 80 million re: 
dential and commercial listings obtained 
from the nation’s phone directories 
Searches are easy: Simply plug in a per- 
sonal or company name, hit the return 
key and scroll through the listed pos: 
ilities to find your target. The more ii 
formation you have (region of the cow 
try, state, city, etc.), the more precise 
your searches will be. Select Phone also 
has a tag function that allows you to 
mark names and use them to create per- 
sonal and professional lists. And, by reg- 
istering the software, you will receive the 
next quarter's updated CD-ROM direc- 
tory for free. (By Pro Phone, for DOS, 
Windows and Mac, $159.) 


Fans of England's loudest band, the leg- 
endary Spinal Tap, should definitely 
take Voyager's two-disc CD-ROM, This Is 
Spinal Top, for a spin. Based on the 1984 
tour film of the same name by Rob 
Reineresque director Marty DiBergi, 
this CD-ROM provides heaps of insider 
dope on the musicians known affection- 
ately to followers as “them guys.” In ad- 
dition to featuring a digitized version of 
DiBergi's tour de farce, the set offers 
commentary from band members David 
St. Hubbins, Nigel Tufnel and Derek 
Smalls, as well as trom DiBergi and his 
crew. The director provides a cautionary 
note: He isn’t happy that his rockumen- 
tary is being dissected, fearing that its 
subtleties will fall limp under hot lights. 
And he's right. The more you know 
about Tap, the less you want to know. 
But what headbanger can resist a CD- 
ROM that cranks the volume to I | —one 
notch higher than any other comput- 
er CD? The discs provide the option 
of viewing favorite scenes by choosing 
memorable dialogue or gigs, and they al- 
so include footage deleted from the doc- 
umentary, a 16mm short DiBergi used to 
pitch his concept to Hollyweird, assorted 
notes and a trailer about a dangerous 
but merry Scandinavian giantcheese 
festival. (By Voyager, 
for Mac, $40.) 


ON DISK 
Doom demons are 
going to love the lat- 
est entry from id 
Software in collabo- 
ration with Raven 
Software. Titled Her- 
etic, its a 27-level 
supernatural blast- 
fest based on the re- 
alistic 3-D engine 
that has made Doom and Doom И two 
of the hottest PC games ever. Instead of 
battling hellspawn, however, Heretic pits 
you against a host of medieval creatures 


in deceptively beautiful surroundings 
There are gargoyles that toss fireballs, 
skeletal warriors that hurl magical axes, 
missile-toting wizards and more. Al- 
though you possess weaponry of your 
own, including a skull-topped staff that 
launches exploding energy balls, taking 


Best Shot to the head 


on the bad guys is tough. For that rea- 
son—and for the sheer fun of it—we rec- 
ommend teaming up with a friend. Like 
Doom, Heretic is a network game, so 
you and a buddy can play together via 
modem. Or, better yet, you can load the 
game onto your office PC network and 
join forces with up to four of your co- 
workers. Pick up Heretic at stores or 
download the first three levels either 
from the Net (at ftp.idsoftware.com) or 
from the game forums of America On- 
line and Compuserve. (By Shareware, 
for DOS, $10.) 


ONLINE 

For some irreverent Web humor, log on 
to Spatula City at http://www.wam.umd. 
edu/—twoflower/index.html There you 
can have your fortune told, partake in a 
cyberstare contest and push “the really 
big button that doesn’t do anything.” е 
Sony is on the Web. The address is 
http://www.sony.com and the site offers 
music by Sony artists, info on movie and 
TV projects, computer-game samples 
and an electronics catalog. 


DIGITAL DUDS 


The Essential Frankenstein: This 
nol-so-essenticl reference CD- 
ROM for Windows was created cs 
haphazordly os the monster. The 
grophics and animation ore dull, 
the oudio limited. Even the monu- 
script of Mary Shelley's Franken- 


stein—the highlight of the disc—is 
poorly presented. 


Poker Party—The Interactive Strip 
Poker Game: With choppy video, 
out-of-sync audio ond women who 
toke far too long to get naked, this 
Windows CD-ROM is a bust. No 
pun intended. 


WHERE & HOW TO BUY ON PAGE 164. 


DISCOVE 


AMERICA 
FREE 


WHEN YOU... 


GRAND CANYON mos! GREAT SMOKY - 
NATIONAL PARK MOUNTAINS « 


ina! DISCOVER THE 


WIN 1 Or 100 
TRIPSFORTWO! 


WIN 4 DAYS/3 NiGHTS TO YOUR CHOICE Or: 


ЧО NIAGARA FALLS SD YELLOWSTONE NATIONAL PARK 
ЧО GRAND CANYON NATIONAL PARK СО GREAT SMOKY MOUNTAINS 


۱ 10,000 Second Prize Winners 
Get A Free Doral Lighter. 


SURGEON GENERAL'S WARNING: Quitting Smoking 


Now Greatly Reduces Serious Risks to Your Health. 


DORAL DIFFERENCE 


A d 


 — CLASS Å 


CIGARETTES 


01995 R.J. REYNOLDS TOBACCO CO. 


DORAL 


FULL FLAVOR 


LIGHTS:8 mg. “tar”, 06 mg, nicotine, 

3 FULL FLAVOR, FULL FLAVOR MENTHOL: 

N 14 mg. "tar", 09 mg. nicotine, av. per 
\\ cigarette by FTC method. 


PREMIUM TASTE 


30 


ROCK 


WHEN was the last time you heard the 
Who or Jimi Hendrix on an adult-ori- 
ented rock station? Two recent reissues 
that once launched rock into uncharted 
territory transcend current radio for- 
mats. The Who's Live ot Leeds (MCA) of- 
fers an expanded, remixed and remas- 
tered version of one of rock's most 
incendiary performances. Keith Moon's 
manic drumming, John Entwistle’s 
meaty bass and Pete Townshend's slash- 
ing guitar lines fight with one another, 
creating a delirium that established 
much of modern rock's musical vocabu- 
lary. The cight previously unreleased 
tracks highlight the band’s dated, quirky 
pre-Tommy material. But it's the nearly 
15-minute version of My Generation that 
continues to bend the minds of boomers 
and busters alike. 

Jimi Hendrix’ Band of Gypsys (Capitol), 
the master’s live rif-and-groove experi- 
ment, finally debuts on СР. Hendrix, 
Billy Cox and Buddy Miles were more 
interested in improvising than in writing 
tunes. But if 13 minutes of Machine Gun 
doesn’t twirl your beanie, check your 
batteries. — VIC GARBARINI 


After a long layoff, Stone Roses, one of 
the few English groups that even re- 
motely matter anymore, resurfaces with 
a sensuous blast of psychedelia on Second 
Coming (Geffen). Patience pays off as you 
find hooks in all that atmosphere. 

—CHARLES M. YOUNG 


On Elastico (DGC), three London wom- 
en collaborate with a male drummer to 
re-create a late-Seventies avant-pop 
style. They aren't virtuosos, but they are 
unfailingly fast, catchy and saucy. 

Grant McLennan, who fronted the 
Go-Betweens with Robert Forster, was 
the facile one in a band that created are- 
ligion for song lovers. His first three solo 
albums were melodic but without ten- 
sion. On Horsebreaker Stor (Beggars Ban- 
quet), the tunes take over. The 19 tracks 
vindicate him. The songs roll out so ef- 
fortlessly that you're taken even more 
with McLennan’s eloquent lyrics than 
with his pithy melodies. 

—ROBERT CHRISTGAU 


BLUES 


With a voice that’s still as dark as a 
Mississippi midnight and with guitar 
picking th: tas deep blue, John Lee 
Hooker keeps rolling on at the age of 75. 
Chill Out (Pointblank/Virgin) shows that 
Hooker still has the fire in his belly 
While guest stars abound on these 19 
tracks (Carlos Santana, Van Morrison, 
R&B great Charles Brown), Hooker's 


The Who remastered, the 
blues reinvented and even a little 
medieval mood music. 


grainy bass voice and rattlesnake guitar 
runs keep him in the lead role. Telkin’ the 
Blues, a meditation on a musician's life 
on the road, and the beautiful little bal- 
lad Too Young, a tune about teenage love, 
are poignant. — NELSON GEORGE 


One cliché of rock interviewing is the 
musician who “hates labels,” as if there 
were a Way to describe music without 
saying what itis. Faced with tens of thou- 
sands of selections at the CD store, how 
would you know what to buy if there 
weren't categories? Then again, a few— 
very few—artists actually defy catego- 
rization by sheer force of originality. 
Chris Whitley is one of them. In 1991 
Whitley's first album, Living With the 
Law, set а new standard for updating the 
blues. Playing different guitars through 
different amps with varying effects, 
Whitley opened up slide playing to a new 
realm of possibilities. On Din of Ecstasy 
(Work/Columbia) he opens another door 
by playing mostly within the context ofa 
power trio. If he used to be Lou Reed 
crossed with Bukka White, he has now 
added John Coltrane and Cream to the 
mix. Whitley's naturally bent brain adds 
so many twists to slide guitar that your 
own neurotransmitters will be broad- 
casting from other continents. His slack 
vocals and his dark lyrics about “wild pa- 
gan love” will leave you happy you've lis- 
tened—and just as happy you aren't 
Chris Whitley. We'll call it the blues. 

—CHARLESM. YOUNG 


In the hands of a master like Sonny 
Landreth on South of 1-10 (Zoo/Praxis), 
the slide guitar can evoke Irish reels 
(Creole Angel), rural blues (J.B. Lenoir's 
Mojo Boogie), modern Cajun two-steps 
(Cajun Waltz) or a southern version of 
heartland rock and roll (Turning Wheel). 

If Landreth were just a great instru- 
mentalist, South of I-10 would still be 
worth hearing. What makes it extraordi- 
nary—worth a few dozen spins—is that 
1-10 also has strong songs. Landreth un- 
derstands that blues and rock are vocal 
song forms, and even though he isn't a 
gifted singer, he uses his background as 
a journeyman rock-and-roller (he led 
John Hiat's band, the Goners) and the 
specifics of his Southern upbringing to 
craft lyric narratives. Turning Wheel and 
Great Gulf Wind are excellent examples. 
Turning Wheel encapsulates his philo- 
sophical vision: “Listen as we brave the 
edge/Where truth and myth share a 
common thread,” Landreth sings. It's a 
privilege to share the discovery of South 
of 1-10 with readers. — DAVE MARSH 


JAZZ 


You won't find many debut albums 
more vibrant and stylish than Kurt 
Elling’s Close Your Eyes (Blue Note). This 
modern hipster may be the perfect jazz 
singer for the Nineties: In a decade hell- 
bent on recasting the century’s popular 
culture, Elling can invest his hunky bari- 
tone with either a Sinatra swagger or a 
beat poet's sincerity. Take Dolores, a high- 
octane Wayne Shorter tune from the 
Sixties, for which Elling has written 
lyrics full of local color you would expect 
from Tom Waits or Joni Mitchell. (But 
Elling's lyrics—the words themselves— 
swing like Basie.) For all this energy, El- 
ling also has a remarkable feel for the 
slow stuff. His composition (Hide the) Sa- 
lome is a pulsing blues about sexual pre- 
dation. Elling has yet to gain complete 
control over his style; too often, his en- 
thusiasm all but floods the tack. But for 
every such misstep, you can count three 
or four triumphs. — NEIL TESSER 


On Above & Below (Epicure), New York 
percussionist Leon Parker applies de- 
ceptively simple polyrhythms to a fetch- 
ing batch of original tunes as well as 
to Thelonious Monk and Duke Ellington 
chestnuts. Call it jazz from a world-beat 
perspective. It’s hard to resist. 

—ROBERT CHRISTGAU 


RAP 


Massive Attack is one of the more pop- 
ular British bands of the Nineties. An- 
chored by three musicians from Bristol 


THE BUMPIER, THE SMOOTHER. 


FAST TRACKS 


Christgau | Garbarini 
Elastica 8 8 5 5 7 
Soi dreih 
porri 6 8 " lo | 2 
ih k 
Me Attac 7 6 8 7 8 
hris Whitl 
pinot Fess 6 7 9 | 8L. 
The Who 
Live at Leeds if 10 8 9 10 


GETTING DOWN ON A FIRST DOWN DE- 
PARTMENT: Be on the lookout for Grid- 
iron Records. Niners and Dolphins 
are already involved. Will Neon Deion 
have a Shaq attack? 

REELING AND ROCKING: Bono has writ- 
ten a screenplay, The Million Dollar 
Hotel, which Wim Wenders is expected 
to direct. . . . Courtney Love has a part 
in Feeling Minnesota, and she is also 
working on the soundtrack for Tank 
Girl. ... With all the publicity sur- 
rounding the Paul Verhoeven movie 
Showgirls’ NC-17 rating. Dave Stewart's 
music for the movie ought to get a lot 
of attention, too. . . . The new Keanu 
Reeves cyberthriller, Johnny Mnemonic, 
features U2, the Rollins Bond and Nine 
Inch Nails on the soundtrack. . . . Don 
Was’ documentary about Brian Wilson, 
I Just Wasn't Made for These Times, got 
such good press at Sundance that it 
will first be shown in theaters, then 
move to PBS and cable. . . . Morrissey is 
filming some U.K. concerts for a TV 
special and home video. 

NEWSBREAKS: There will be a Paul 
Westerberg album this year. . . . Gerald 
Levert is recording an album of duets 
with father Eddie, lead singer of the 
O'Jays, . . . PJ. Harvey is just starting ап 
American tour to support her latest 
disc, To Bring You My Love. . . . Jerry 
Garcia wrote а playlet that was staged 
in San Francisco in February and di- 
e by his new wife. Neckties, 

tings, bedspreads, plays—where 
will it end? . . . Nirvane's Dave Grohl has 
finished a solo album and has plans to 
tour with members of another Seattle 
band, Sunny Day Real Estate. . . . Two 
„John Lennon tribute albums are in the 
"works, but only one has Yoko's bless- 
ing. She has asked Paul McCartney, Elton 
John, David Bowie and Pearl Jam to 
record songs for a charity LP. The 
other one (also for charity), compiled 
by Candlebox’ manager, will include 


Peppers, Stone Temple Pilots, 
live, George Clinton, White Zombie, Нат- 
ing Lips and Candlebox. Its proceeds 
will go to animal neutering organiza- 
tions. . . . Neil Young's manager says 
Neil will not headline Lollapalooza. 
Instead, he will make a record with 
Pearl Jam, which will be in the stores 
this summer. . . . The Bonnie Raitt sig- 
nature guitar marks the first time 
Fender has so honored a female artist. 
Raitt is donating her earnings from 
the sale of the guitars to a charity 
she's created to encourage inner-city 
girls to learn to play the instru- 
ment. . . . James is in the studio, work- 
ing with Brian Eno on a new record for 
the end of the year. . . . Isaac Hayes will 
have two albums coming out at the 
same time: Branded has vocals and 
Raw and Refined is all instrumental. . . . 
The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, 
scheduled to open in September, has 
received a major donation from the 
Byrds. Roger McGuinn and Chris Hillman 
donated guitars, handwritten music 
and lyrics, a synthesizer, costumes 
and various other artifacts—includ- 
ing McGuinn's granny glasses. The 
museum also has memorabilia from 
James Brown, Buddy Holly, Jimi Hendrix, 
John Lennon, Grace Slick, Janis Joplin, 
Pete Townshend and Jim Morrison. . . . 
Speaking of Hendrix, plans were re- 
cently unveiled in Seattle for the Ex- 
perience Music Project, scheduled to 
open in 1997. More than 6000 pieces 
of Jimi's stuff, plus mementos from 
other famous musicians from the 
Pacific Northwest, will be on display. 
The museum will also haye a record- 
ing studio, computer library and 500- 
seat concert hall. . . . Jamaica minted a 
coin in honor of Bob Marley's 50th 
birthday. . . . The Nineties aren't the 
Sixties: You can wear the new Led Zep 
phone card like a necklace. 

— BARBARA NELLIS 


(3-D, Mushroom, Daddy G) and produc- 
er Nellee Hooper (best known in the 
US. for co-producing Soul II Soul), this 
multiracial aggregation mixes elements 
of soul, hip-hop, reggae and dance mu- 
sic into a smart, slick, glossy blend. 

Its latest recording, Protection (Virgin), 
quite pleasing. Everything But the 
Girl's Tracey Thorn sings with a cool, 
soulful feel on Protection and Beiter 
Things, two midtempo ballads with airy, 
atmospheric arrangements. Karmacoma 
is a playful talk-rap that has а reggae 
pulse and a Middle Eastern melody. 
Rapped in a similar style by 3-D and 
Tricky is Zurochild, a droll production. 

Another vocalist, Nigerian-born Nico- 
lette, appears on two tracks that reveal 
the band’s limitations. Both Three and Sly 
sound like tunes from a bad Broadway 
musical about exotic lands. The End 
falls short when its efforts to be hip fall 
into cuteness. — NELSON GEORGE 


Urban Dance Squad, Persona Non Grata 
(Virgin): In aggression and guitar pow- 
er, this Dutch group's third album picks 
up where Run D.M.C.'s Rock Box left off. 
In vocal grit, they are the successors to 
the Beastie Boys. I don’t know whether 
this is a rock group that raps or a hip- 
hop band with metal density. But I sus- 
pect the answer is that Urban Dance 
Squad is both. — DAVE MARSH 


GOSPEL 


The Best of Nashboro Gospel (Nash- 
boro/AVI) is a brilliantly selected compi- 
lation that includes selections by 
Madame Edna Gallman Cooke (Stop 
Gambler), Brother Joe May (Wake Me 
Shake Me) and Professor Harold Boggs 
(Гое Fixed Н With Jesus). There is also 
some great group harmony, including 
the Famous Skylarks on Roll Jordan Roll. 

—-DAVE MARSH 


CLASSICAL 


Ever since Gregorian chants hit the 
charts, medieval vocals have been a bo- 
nanza. Much of the recent product is 
gimmicky, but some of it is captivating. 
Love’s Illusion (Harmonia Mundi) is a fine 
recording of 13th century French motets 
sung by the female quartet Anonymous 
4. Less droning (and more complex) 
than chants, these ethereal songs reveal 
why romantic longing became a themat- 
ic mainstay in Western secular music. 

Steve Martland's eclecticism has gar- 
nered mixed reviews. Some think his 
compositions are derivative. But Patrol 
(Catalyst), the British composer's newest 
recording, shows he has promise. Care- 
ful listeners will be reminded of Can or 
Steve Reich. Whether loud and aggres- 
sive with an electric band or postmini- 
malist. a string quartet, Martland is 
— LEOPOLD FROEHLICH 


i 
worth hearing. 


MIG HTFLIGN 
-EAU DETOILETTE 


NIGHTFLIGHT 
JOOP! 


TRAVEL 


THE MYTH OF DUTY-FREE 


Shopping has come a long way since 1947 when a clerk at the 
airport in Shannon, Ireland came up with the idea of selling 
Irish whiskey to departing passengers without levying addi- 
tional taxes. Today, there are more than 800 duty-free stores 
around the world. But don't let the phrase duty-free seduce 
you. Despite what many people think, such shops are private 
enterprises, not government-run discount shops. In Hong 
Kong and Singapore, duty-free stores should be avoided be- 
cause the cities themselves are duty-free. Furthermore, many 
of the in-cty stores welcome haggling and none of them pays 
high airport rent. What's the best duty-free shopping com- 
plex in the world? Probably Dubai in the United Arab Emi- 
rates. Few people vacation there, but many airplanes stop for 
refueling. The last time we shopped in its 22,000 square feeta 
few years ago, we could have bought a liter of Johnnie Walker 
Red for about $4, a carton of Marlboro cigarettes for about $7, 
a real Rolex watch for less than $1000 and a half kilo 
of beluga caviar for about 
$90. (The prices change fre- 
quently.) Perfume is a good 
deal at duty-free stores in 
Paris and Bermuda. In 
other locations, such as the 
airports in Amsterdam, 
Copenhagen and Shan- 
non, stores have expanded 
to include such upscale 
names as Harrods, Bally 
and others, and bargains 
are available. (Do some 
comparison shopping be- 
fore you leave the States.) 
Just remember that the 
U.S. isn't duty-free. When 
your purchases total 
more than $400, be pre- 
pared to pay Uncle Sam 
a tax. And you get to 
bring in only one liter of 
liquor duty-free 


NIGHT MOVES: MADRID 


In Spain's biggest city, Madrileños begin partying long after the 
sun sets in a frenzy they call la marcha. The key to enjoying 
(and, some say, surviving) a night on the town is to never stay 
in one place too long. Start the evening about nine o'clock. 
That's the time for tapas: Sample gambas (Mediterranean 
shrimp), jamön (ham), boquerones (anchovies) and other bite- 
sized delicacies in some of the city's thousands of tapas bars. 
Around midnight, move on to the more fashionable bar scene. 
Stop by Archy (Marques de Riscal 11), but don’t let the grunge 
look fool you: Archy is expensive and exclusive. Then try 
Norton (Calle Hortaleza 64). It attracts another Pearl Jam 
crowd. Follow that with Xenon (Plaza de Callao 3), Candala 
(Calle Dimo 2) or Bocaccio (Marques de la Ensenada 16). Live 
blues, reggae, salsa, swing and, of course, jazz attract a hip 
crowd to Café Jazz Populart (Huertas 22). Drink prices double 
when the band is on. At Bocaccio, be sure to check out the 
downstairs room, which comes about as close to Dante’s In- 
ferno as you can get. Agapo (Calle Madera 22) is a hard-driv- 
ing rock-and-roll bar that's worth a look. The evening contin- 
ues at Capote on Plaza Alonso Martinez, where the dance 
action Thursday through Saturday heats up about 5:30 A.M. 
One important reminder: Watch out for the five A.M. traffic 
jam caused by locals trying to drive home in time to catch 40 
winks before going to work. 


—— GREAT ESCAPE —— 
UGANDA 


Winston Churchill called it the pearl of Africa, with good 
reason. Lush scenery, spectacular falls, lakes and rivers 
(the storied source of the Nile) and plenty of wildlife— 
hippos, elephants, crocs, lions, birds and monkeys— 
make Uganda a terrific trek in East Africa. The country is 


exceptionally safe (Idi Amin has been gone for 15 years) 
and tourism’s creeping back. Accommodations are still 
primitive (from OK hotels to terrific tents), but that’s the 
fun—you rough it along with the wildlife. Thisis a piece of 
Africa that's blissfully free of minivans. If you're fit, don't 
miss the gorilla trek. Best bet is to sign up with a high-end 
tour company such as Abercrombie & Kent (800-323- 
7308). Bring binacs, lots of film and SPF 30 sunscreen 


DON’T LEAVE HOME WITHOUT IT 


Ifyou want to bust the 90-plus decibel level inside a jet aircraft 
cabin, get a Noisebuster. This "personal active noise reduction 
headphone” (pictured below) resembles a portable cassette 
player, but its battery-powered technology is space-age smart. 
Because a Noisebuster features a stereo jack, you can still hear 
your favorite tunes (or listen to an in-flight movie) while wear- 
ing it. Price: $99. е Beach bound? Check out Hot 

Head, a new FDA-approved sunscreen (SPF 20) 
that's great for guys with thinning (or no) hair, 
as it creates a “kool kap” that dries clear. Hot 
Head (which comes in a pump bottle) works 
well on a hot body, too. Price: $9 at Sport- 
mart. е The Thymes Limited’s Herbal 
Metaphors collection includes travel-sized 
bottles of shampoo, conditioner, shower gel 
and body lotion housed in a reusable water- 
proof tote. For $17 a set, it 
beats what most ho- 
tels provide. 


WHERE & HOW TO BUY ON PAGE 164, 


33 


By DIGBY DIEHL 


THE SPIRIT OF Adam Smith lives on in the 
underground economy of illegal drugs, 
where thousands of impoverished 
youths pursue the American dream each 
year by pushing crack cocaine. In Lond of 
Opportunity (Atlantic Monthly Press) Wil- 
liam Adler chronicles the astonishing 
success of a family from Arkansas that 
came to Detroit and became crack mil- 
lionaires. Adler points out that although 
the Chambers brothers were the chil- 
dren of sharecroppers in a family of 16, 
they applied the principles of capitalism 
to the distribution and sale of marijuana 
and crack. The enterprise, at its height, 
grossed more than $55 million a year— 
far more successful than many legal pri- 
vately held businesses in Detroit. 

Billy Joe Chambers was 16 years old 
when he left the cotton fields of Arkansas 
to try his luck on Detroit's streets. He be- 
gan by running a “party store,” a conve- 
nience shop with beer, chips, candy and 
video games. He soon supplemented his 
income with sales of marijuana. Billy's il- 
legal business flourished and he moved 
to a house in an abandoned neighbor- 
hood where there was space and sccuri- 
ty for his growing operation. 

A year later, on the Fourth of July, 
1984, Billy made au experi (tal in- 
vestment in a single ounce of cocaine, 
cooked it into crack and netted $10,000 
from word-of-mouth customers, who 
soon wanted morc. Billy's onc-housc 
business mushroomed into an empire 
with laboratories, distribution units, real 
estate investments, security forces and 
accounting operations. His brother Lar- 
ry's prison-bred sense of discipline was 
used to control the workforce. Larry and 
Billy became the crack kings of Detroit. 

The entrepreneurial details of the 
business are impressive. One young wom- 
an's job was to read the Free Press and the 
News every day for reports about drug- 
related incidents. Female spies were on 
the payroll to infiltrate rival drug deal- 
ers’ operations. Two courtroom watchers 
attended drug trials to report on the tes- 
timony of government informants. The 
paymaster had photo albums containing 
shots of employees, which were checked 
weekly before an employee was paid— 
in cash. 

There was so much cash Rowing into 
the network of crack houses that the 
Chamberses wasted no time counting it. 
They gave bags of money to their co- 
caine wholesalers and trusted them to 
deal with shortages or overages. Whole- 
saler Art Derrick estimates that he and 
his partner netted $100,000 a day by 
supplying cocaine from Miami to the De- 
troit crack dealers: “We were counting 


за their money for them. Mostly small bills. 


2 4 c 
ERE 


Adler's Land of Opportunity. 


A chronicle of crack 
millionaires, Coney Island 
hoop dreams and Moo U. 


Did you ever sec $80,000 in singles?" 

An intensive three-year cflort by a 
joint DEA-Detroit Police Department 
task force put the Chambers brothers in- 
to prison. U.S. District Judge Richard F. 
Suhrheinrich imposed the stiffest sen- 
tences allowed by law and gave an im- 
passioned speech about the way crack 
damages our society. But he failed to 
suggest how important the Chamberses' 
achievements would have been if they 
had chosen to pour their energies and 
ingenuity into enterprises that con- 
tributed to the revitalization of society. 
He might also have pointed out that 
their choices were severely limited. 

“The same limited choices face black 
teenagers on the playgrounds in Brook- 
lyn's Coney Island. They, too, are sur- 
rounded by urban squalor, collapsing 
schools, drug dealers іп flashy cars and 
gangs with guns. However, a small, ath- 
letically gifted group of them sees а dif- 
ferent, legal, way out of the ghetto: bas- 
ketball. In The Last Shot: City Streets, 
Basketball Dreams (Houghton Mifflin), 
which was published last year, author 
Darcy Frey chronicles eight months in 
the lives of four of the best players on the 
Abraham Lincoln High School Railsplit- 
ters, a team that consistently ranks high 
in national competition and attracts the 
interest of top college basketball coaches. 
The students reveal their aspirations to 
Frey with touching candor. 

Frey doesn't romanticize. He portrays 
the kids’ desperation, ignorance, ego- 


tism and self-destructiveness alongside 
the discipline, focus and dedication they 
bring to their games. In gracefully de- 
scribed scenes from their lives, Frey em- 
pathizes so completely with his subjects 
that the reader begins to root for them. 
Tchaka Shipp. a 67” 17-year-old center, 
is wooed by Division I coaches, invited to 
Nike's summer basketball camp and can 
practically taste that “serious loot in the 
NBA.” Russell Thomas is a hardworking 
student who practices his three-pointers 
every night and carries vocabulary flash 
cards everywhere. Corey Johnson writes 
poetry, dresses with panache and clowns 
around—flirting with academic disqual- 
ification—to hide his intellect. Stephon 
Marbury, who comes from a family of 
talented basketball players, is acknowl- 
edged as the most gifted freshman poi 
guard in the country. 

Frey effectively evokes the dreams that 
drive the kids, the school and the com- 
munity. There is no triumph for most of 
them with their eyes on a Division 1 
school, because their homes and their 
public schools fail them so badly that 
they cannot meet the NCAA academic 
minimum of a combined 700 SAT score. 
Frey implies that the NCAA rule is un- 
fair. If basketball is the only way out, he 
asks, why put it out of reach because kids 
can't pass questionable tests? 

As comic relief from these grim reali- 
ties, it would be difficult to improve on 
Jane Smiley's send-up of bucolic life at 
a large Midwestern agricultural college, 
Moo (Knopf). The antics of students, fac- 
ulty and administration exist amid pigs 
and horses and agribiz research scan- 
dals. Smiley has a hilariously wicked way 
of incorporating her parodies of mini- 
malist academic novels into scenarios 
about ecological disaster and frolics in 
the women's dormitory. The couplings 
and uncouplings among her diverse cast 
are Smiley's plot engine, and in one mas- 
terful chapter, "Who's in Bed With 
Whom," she orchestrates a bawdy series 
of sex scenes. This is a big, funny novel 
that keeps you laughing. Besides, how 
can you go wrong with a central charac- 
ter that is a 700-pound hog named 
Earl Butz? 


BOOK BAG 


The Priest (Knopf), by Thomas Disch: A 
brilliantly perverse and comic tale of 
priestly pedophilia, the shroud of Turin 
and nightmares of 13th century torture 
mingling with 20th century corruption. 

Listen to the Stories (HarperCollins), by 
Nat Hentoff: The veteran critic writes 
lovingly about Billie Holiday's last days, 
Duke, Dizzy and the Count—and Merle 
Haggard, of all people. 


It Tastes Good, ^^ 
It Costs Less. 


Kings: 16 mg “tar,” 1.1 mg nicotine av. per cigarette by FTC method. 


FITNESS 


g on the examining table with 

my shirt off, I wait nervously for the 
X rays to arrive. A dull ache pulses from 
my right shoulder. The ache blossoms 
into sharp, searing pain if I raise my 
arm. When I pantomime tossing a base- 
ball, the shoulder feels like it's packed 
with shards of glass. I wonder if ГИ ever 
again be able to throw a pass, serve a ten- 
nis ball or paddle a surfboard. 

Dr. James Rogers, a Seattle sports 
medicine specialist, slaps four X rays on- 
to a screen. As the light blinks on, the ar- 
chitecture of my right shoulder material- 
izes in ghostly black and white. The 
doctor mutters to himself as he studies 
the images. His scalpel hand appears to 
be twitching in anticipation of the sur- 
gery to come. 

“Looks like your shoulder is in excel- 
lent shape,” he declares after a few min- 
utes. “I don't think there's anything se- 
rious to worry about.” But what about 
the red hot poker that skewers my shoul- 
der whenever I so much as reach across 
the dinner table? “For 80 percent of the 
people who come to me complaining of 
shoulder pain,” Dr. Rogers says, “the 
culprit turns out to be a part of the 
shoulder called the rotator cuff.” 

Any activity that involves repetitive 
overhead arm motion puts you at risk of 
straining the rotator muscles and suffer- 
ing pain like mine. Mercifully, the major- 
ity of such injuries can be cured—or bet- 
ter yet, prevented —by a simple program 
of stretching and exercise. 

The shoulder's susceptibility to injury 
is rooted in its basic design, “The shoul- 
der is an incredible joint,” Rogers offers, 
“considering the range of motion it al- 
lows. But that freedom to rotate through 
many planes is achieved at the expense 
of stability.” Most people think of the 
shoulder asa ball-and-socket joint. In re- 
ality, says Rogers, it "more closely resem- 
blesa golf ball on a tee.” And it’s held to- 
gether not Бу cable-like ligaments, as 
most other joints are, but by a thin 
sheath of muscles and tendons (the 
aforementioned rotator cuff). Anyone 
who follows professional baseball appre- 
ciates how vulnerable the rotator mus- 
cles are to injury. 

The four muscles of the rotator cuff 
wrap around the front and back of the 
shoulder, stabilizing the muscles that 
tether the upper arm to the torso as it 


зв helps keep the ball at the end of the arm 


By JON KRAKAUER 


ARMS AND 
THE MAN 


from popping out of the shallow glenoid 
cavity in the shoulder blade. The rota- 
tors are overlaid by the beefier muscles 
of the deltoid group, which sit atop the 
whole arrangement like shoulder pads. 
Working in opposition to the rotators, 
the deltoids are responsible for lifting 
the arms up and out. The deltoids are 
considerably stronger than the rotators, 
and therein lies the problem. 

In the course of such activities as 
throwing, swimming or swinging a ham- 
mer, the deltoid muscles try, in effect, to 
jerk the arm out of its socket. It is left to 
the relatively wimpy rotator cuff to hold 
everything together. Any repetitive arm 
motion can strain the rotator muscles, 
thereby decreasing shoulder stability. 
When the joint becomes loose and slop- 
py because of a weak or strained rota- 
tor cuff, part of the cuff (a muscle called 
the supraspinatus) gets pinched between 
the bones of the shoulder every time the 
arm is lifted or lowered. 

One of the reasons so many of us suf- 
fer from this affliction is that we fail to 
give our rotator muscles their due when 
we visit the gym. Sure, we do plenty of 
shoulder exercises, but vanity drives 
most people to lavish attention on the 
infinitely more glamorous deltoids. We 
pay little or no heed to the inconspicu- 
ous rotators, thereby increasing the im- 


balance between the two muscle groups 
and increasing the likelihood of injuring 
a shoulder. 

Systematic strengthening of the rota- 
tor cuff muscles, which enables them to 
hold their own against the wrenching ac- 
tion of the pectorals and deltoids, is the 
surest way to cure impingement. It's also 
the best way to prevent injury. If you're 
already hurting, reduce the inflamma- 
tion with ice, rest and anti-inflammatory 
drugs such as aspirin, naproxen or 
ibuprofen. Then start a regimen of up- 
per-body stretching followed by prophy- 
lactic, rotator-specific exercise, per- 
formed two or three times a week. 

Although the rotators can be exercised 
with light dumbbells or an elastic band, 
it’s a good idea to begin sometric 
work, which doesn't involve movement 
and therefore won't aggravate the 
inflamed tissue, To strengthen the exter- 
nal rotators, stand just inside an open 
doorway and place the back ot one hand 
against the jamb. Keeping your elbow 
tucked against your side and bent at a 
90-degree angle, press outward against 
the jamb as hard as you can for ten sec- 
onds. Repeat ten times, then do the 
same thing with the other arm. 

‘To exercise the internal rotators, stand 
to one side of the doorway, place the 
palm of your hand, across your body, 
against the jamb and—again with your 
elbow tucked into your side—press vig- 
orously inward for ten seconds. Repeat 
ten times, then switch arms. 

It is also important to strengthen the 
muscles of the shoulder blades, which 
help anchor and stabilize the rotator 
cuffs. To do so, press both elbows firmly 
against your sides and bend your arms 
forward at a 90-degree angle. Now 
swing your hands outward and back- 
ward—keeping your forearms parallel 
to the floor—by rotating your shoulders 
and squeezing your shoulder blades to- 
ward each other. Squeeze tightly for ten 
seconds; repeat ten times. 

After a few weeks, when your shoulder 
pain is a distant memory, you might be 
tempted to let the rotator work slide to 
devote more time to pumping up the 
deltoids. Big mistake. Avoiding injury is 
more important than looking buff. Trust 
me on this—l know the consequences of 
neglect firsthand. 


BUILT TO 
SEE ACTION 


ve 
Å 


MESI ys ; 
И. 5150 


Every detail of the Swiss 
Army? Brand Cavalry" 
Watch reflects an integrity 
of design that sets itin a 
class all its own. Inspired 
by field watches of two 
World Wars, its all-steel 
body is strapped down with 
а mugged, riveted leather 
band. Bold easy-to-read 
numerals shout out loud and 
clear. Luminous hands and 
markers light up in the dark. 
Engineered to provide 
Swiss quartz precision 
accuracy at all times. Water- 
resistant to 330 feet. With 
a clean-cut date calendar. 
It's tooled for efficiency, 
not for effect. So it can до 
through hell and high water. 


And bac 
MACY'S/BULLOCK'S ARMY 
CET 


38 


MEN 


ou don't want to look like а jerk, 

barging into that place with weird 
art on the walls and ordering a cup of 
plain coffee. It just isn’t done. You want 
to show that you are a 21st century man. 
So you make it fancy. 

You order items like caffé mocha or 
latte or espresso or cappuccino or mista 
grande. You remember to ask the waiter 
for a glass of water, too. And no, you 
don't break the rules and ask for an All- 
American trucker's meal of steak, eggs 
and hash browns with ketchup and A.1. 
sauce. That's too crude. Instead, you or- 
der a croissant, or а few slices of dry toast 
and tea, and cat slowly, as if you were 
a sensitive man of controlled appetites 
who is on the verge ofan cating disorder. 

It takes a lot of training to become a 
fashionable male these days. Much is de- 
manded of us. Coffechouse etiquette is 
one of the things we need to learn if 
modern life is not to pass us by. In case 
you think I'm mocking the whole idea of 
coffeehouses, think again. I love them— 
because the contemporary coffeehouse is 
where the girls are. 

Yes, indeed, macho man, think twice 
before you turn your nose up at things 
like café au lait and rabbit food and small 
tables that never quite sit Hat on the 
floor. To put it bluntly, the coffeehouse 
is a female house. Women congregate 
in coffeehouses like bees in a hive. Just 
ask them. 

“I don't go to parties or dances,” says 
my friend Diana. “I go to coffeehouses. 
They are the new singles bars. Its a 
good way to meet men without being 
rushed, 1 like to drink a little coffee and 
read books and talk about ideas, so cof- 
feehouses are ideal. They are relatively 
inexpensive, too.” 

If you haven't been to a coffeehouse 
yet, go. The waiters are ofien slackers so 
the service is usually awful and the food 
will probably be fit for only gerbils and 
rats. But so what? The coffeehouse is 
now the social center of the universe. 
And if you want to meet eligible women, 
it is a great place to be. 

There is, however, an unspoken cof- 
feehouse code of conduct. Most men 
have to learn it on their own, but I can 
help you avoid the usual gaffes. You 
want to know how to meet women in a 
highly refined environment? Let me 
give you five basic rules: 

(1) Never ask for service. You will not be 


By ASA BABER 


COFFEEHOUSE 
ETIQUETTE 


served until at least half an hour after 
you have seated yourself. Do not worry. 
You are being tested by the staff and se- 
cretly watched by women at other tables. 
It is your job to be patient and stay occu- 
pied until the room decides you are laid- 
back and an acceptable and genteel 
member of humanity. Remember: Pas- 
sivity wins, but overtly aggressive behav- 
ior loses every time. 

(2) Never speak to a woman before your 
third encounter. This is an important rule. 
‘The central hypocrisy of the coffeehouse 
is that no one is there to get laid. You 
must maintain that pose. You are there 
to drink coffce, smoke, read, stare into 
space, write in your journal, smile, gos- 
sip and accommodate the waiters so they 
don't pour hot coffee in your lap. Nei- 
ther you nor any of the women in the 
place ever admits that a coffechouse is 
just another meat market with caffeine 
as the stimulant and chatter as the cover. 

(3) Never criticize the artwork until you 
know who created it. Let us say, for exam- 
ple, that you have made your move after 
an appropriate time and you are in your 
first conversation with an attractive fe- 
male. You have seen her in the place sev- 
eral times before, you have made eye 
contact and she has smiled demurely at 
you on occasion. You do not begin your 
relationship by asking something like, 


“What do you think of those shitty paint- 
ings on the walls?” Think about it: She 
might be the artist. Instead, scope her 
out, ask harmless questions, try not to 
stare at her breasts and keep theconver- 
sation asexual. I call it the Zen approach 
to sexuality: If you neuter yourself, she 
might come. 

(4) Never speak lo a woman wearing com- 
bat boots. This is obvious, but you'd Бе 
surprised how many guys forget it and 
end up in emergency rooms. 

(5) In a coffechouse, a woman's choice of 
reading material is symbolic and significant. 
A woman sitting alone will probably be 
reading a book. She is consciously send- 
ing certain signals by her choice of tilde 


t Call и coffeehouse shorthand. The 


take advantage of it. There are four stan- 
dard coffeehouse texts. Here are the ti- 
tles and what the books reveal about the 
women who read them: 

(a) One Hundred Years of Solitude (a nov- 
el by Gabriel Garcia Marquez): This wom- 
an is lusty, perverse and in love with 
tropical climates. Speak Spanish to her 
and she will melt. Tell her you were born 
and raised in a village in Honduras and 
she is yours. Watch out for her temper, 
though. She bites and scratches. 

(b) Sexus (a novel by Henry Miller) 
This woman is a nymphomaniac. Look 
closely and you will see that she is mas- 
turbating while she reads. At no time are 
both of her hands visible above the table. 
Feel free to introduce yourself to her, but 
take a lot of vitamin pills first. 

(с) Vamps & Tramps (a book about gen- 
der by Camille Paglia): Get ready for 
handcuffs and whips, leather pants, con- 
tinual arguments, blow jobs with teeth, 
and a pretense at obedience that will 
soon turn into a rage for domination. 
Not for the faint of heart, but good for 
cross-dressers. 

(d) Love Story (a novel by Erich Segal): 
This coffeehouse standard speaks vol- 
umes about its reader. This woman is 
sentimental, depressed, in love with 
death and dying, and waiting for her 
prince to come and take her away from 
all her grief. Speak gently to her. Tell her 
you have a fatal illness. Ask her if she has 
the courage to see you through it. Shed 
a tear or two. Because love means never 
having to buy the coffee 


You could have the World’s largest 
car show in your home every month! 


A 


The duPont REGISTRY is the magazine for those who have a driving passion for fine automobiles. 
Whether you're interested in the timeless lines of a European classic, or the raw torque of a big block V-8, 
the duPont REGISTRY is the fastest way to drive your passion home. The duPont REGISTRY is a full 
color showcase of fine automobiles. With hundreds and hundreds of automobiles depicted in full color, 
the duPont REGISTRY is certifiably the largest car show in the world, featuring classic, luxury, and 
exotic cars. This is the magazine that will bring it all into your living room. At $39.95 ($20.00 off of the 
newsstand price) for twelve monthly issues, the duPont REGISTRY is guaranteed to have any car enthu- 
siast racing to the mailbox. It's the automobile magazine preferred by true car enthusiast. Before you head 
out to the next car show, bring one right into your home! The duPont REGISTRY... Subscribe today! 


© For a limited time, be 
€ receive a free 100% cotton, во 
et duPont REGISTRY T-SHIRT X 


`S, 

vi (a $20.00 value) ^, 

9 When you subscribe to the Ry, 
duPont REGISTRY. 


Don't delay... Call our toll free line now! Ask for Lisa. 


1-800-233-1731 


Or mail your check for $39.95 to: duPont REGISTRY + P.O. Box 25237 • Tampa, FL 33622 • 813-573-9339 


THE PLAYBOY ADVISOR 


IM), new girlfriend and I have never 
been able to climax at the same time. I 
come after a few minutes, and then it 
takes another 15 minutes to bring her to 
orgasm. Is this normal, and what can we 
do to get our arousal into sync?—Y.T, 
New York, New York. 

Simultaneous orgasm is crazy fun when it 
happens, but it’s overrated as a sexual goal. 
(If God had wanted men and women to come 
at the same time, he wouldn't have created 
foreplay.) For one thing, nature is working 
‘against you. Researchers have found that 
the sexual cycle of a woman (from initial 
arousal to climax) can be three or four times 
longer than а man’s. That's not to say you 
can't attempt to close the orgasm gap once in 
a while. Change positions often, slow your 
thrusts to a crawl if you feel like the world is 
about to stop, or just lie still and enjoy the 
erotic energy. You should also spend more 
quality time with your lover’s body before you 
have intercourse. When she can’t stand it 
anymore and starts begging for your cock, 
tease her for another five minutes before slid- 
ing inside her. Whether your lovemaking is 
a series of two-minute vignettes or a long- 
er feature hardly matters when the perfor- 
mances let out at the same time. 


White my girlfriend and I enjoy 
watching adult films together, they often 
raise more questions about sex than they 
answer. For instance, some of the guys 
shoot what seems like a quart of semen. 
How can they do this? And because few 
performers wear condoms, how do they 
protect themselves from diseases?—].T., 
“Tampa, Florida. 

All is not as it appears in the world of 
porn. Adult-film performers have the benefit 
of lighting, creative editing and extreme 
close-ups, making penises loom larger and 
ejaculate seem more copious. Because they're 
asked to come on cue, successful porn actors 
are better known behind the scenes for their 
ability to jerk off to orgasm than for their 
knowledge of female sexual response. As for 
sexually transmitted diseases, the adult-film 
industry is largely a closed shop. Most stars 
are choosy about whom they work with and 
are tested for diseases regularly. Since the 
AIDS-related death of John Holmes in 1988, 
there has been more safe sex in films. But 
don’t expect too much: The selling point of 
porn is fantasy, and nowadays the fantasy is 
sex without risk. 


[<< read about foods that supposedly 
can get you sexed up. Do you know of 
any I could serve my boyfriend?—S.S., 
Vacaville, California. 

We salivate over anything served by a 
woman in spike heels and sexy lingerie. Eat- 
ing, much like sex, is a multifaceted plea- 
sure, so it's difficult to know whether it's the 


taste, texture or smell of certain foods that 
gets people horny. There has been research 
involving aromas that may shed light on the 
matter. Neurologist Alan Hirsch, director of 
the Smell & Taste Treatment and Research 
Foundation, monitored the reactions of 25 
mate medical students and 31 other men as 
they were exposed to various combinations of 
24 aromas. While the students had a marked 
increase of penile blood flow only when ex- 
posed to the scent of warm cinuamon buns, 
the other group perked up over combinations 
of lavender and pumpkin pie, doughnut and 
Black licorice, and pumpkin pie and dough- 
nut. Other findings: Vanilla got the most no- 
ticeable response from older men, the most 
sexually satisfied men liked strawberry, and 
the most sexually active responded most to 
lavender, cola and oriental spice. All 24 
odors tested, from mush to cranberry to but- 
tered popcorn, increased penile blood flow to 
some degree, supporting the notion that some 
men will get an erection if the wind blows— 
especially if it has some flavor. 


Fox my birthday my wife gave me a cel- 
lular phone, but I’m concerned about 
how secure it is. A co-worker said he got 
hit with a $500 bill after someone pirat- 
ed his cellular account and made a 
bunch of overseas calls. How does this 
happen? Is there any way to prevent get- 
ting ripped off when using a cellular?— 
B.5., Los Angeles, California. 

You're right to be concerned. Cellular 
phone fraud is a big business, and the thieves 
are brash enough that they recently victim- 
ized New York City's mayor and police chief: 
Whenever your phone is on, whether or not 
you're making a call, it sends out two codes 
to the cellular tracking system every ten sec- 
onds. Hackers assemble electronic devices to 


ILLUSTRATION Br PATER SATO 


steal those codes, clone your phone and make 
calls on your account. Although most cel- 
lular companies won't hold you responsible 
for unauthorized charges, you pay indirect- 
ly for the $400 million annual fraud in 
the form of higher rates. To combat thieves, 
ask your service to cut off international ser- 
vice, and use a beeper to screen incoming 
calls, That way, you can keep your phone 
turned off except when you need it. Keep 
a close eye on your bill, as well, and let 
your phone company know if you have prob- 
lems placing calls. 


Recently, I awoke to find my wife hold- 
ing my erection. After some early-morn- 
ing foreplay I remembered it was her 
time of the month. She was willing to 
have intercourse, but I was hesitant. She 
brought me to orgasm with a blow job, 
but I felt selfish for not doing more for 
her. Is there any danger in having vagi- 
nal intercourse during menstruation? — 
K.A., Raleigh, North Carolina. 

There's no danger, though many people 
aren't comfortable with it. Part of that atti- 
tude stems from the antiquated idea that 
women are unclean during menstruation. 
Some women experience discomfort during 
their periods, and that causes vaginal inter- 
course to lose its appeal for a few days. But 
the discharge is nothing to worry about. 
Don't forget: Men with multiple partners 
should use condoms any time of the month. 


Simple question: How can a woman 
handle the penetration of an eight- or 
nine-inch penis when the distance from 
the opening of the vagina to the cervix is 
about three inches? What the hell hap- 
pens? The question has never been an- 
swered to my satisfaction, even though 
I've asked friends, my doctor and vari- 
ous lovers —Т.Н., Toronto, Ontario. 

You didn't ask us first? Hmmph. The 
vagina’s middle name is potential, but it 
does get help from the cervix and uterus. Ac- 
cording to sex researchers Masters and John- 
son, “During the plateau phase, the inner 
two thirds of the vagina expands slightly 
more in size as the uterus becomes more ele- 
vated in a process known as tenting.” If 
youre worried about tight spaces, bear in 
‘mind that many women have had an infant 
march the same path; your penis, by compar- 
ison, is easily parked. 


П had a girlfriend a few years ago who 
introduced me to what she called the hat 
game. She would put on a hat from my 
closet and slip into character. The first 
time she did it, we were watching The 
Wizard of Oz. She put on this plastic tiara 
and asked me for my wish. Another 
time, she put on a gangster's fedora, tied 


41 


PAL TA УКВ 


42 


Because lingerie ts tbe gi 
Seen 


Ў 


Enroll for 3, 6 or 12 
months and she will receive 
‚one designer panty each 
month on her doorstep— 
perfumed, gift-wrapped, and 
enclosed with а personal note. 
Mey is our Flower Blossom 
Edition and arrives with a 
Packet of scented bubble bath 
that you can both enjoy! 
This delighful gift of romance has 
been by CNN, MTV, USA 
Today and the Wall Street Journal. 
24-br. information botline 


1-515-469-6800 | 


THE BEST 
HOME GYM 
EVER BUILT 


Physiologists, personal trainers, and indus- 
try experts have long recognized Vectra 
Fitness as the design and performance 
leader in multi-station gyms. To find out why, 
visit your Specialty Fitness Retailer and com- 
pare the Vectra with any other home gym. 


Getthe BEST RESULTS 
from the BEST HOME GYM. 


CALL FOR OETAILS: 1-800-2 VECTRA 
15135 NE 90th Street / Redmond, WA 98052 
206-867-1500 / Fax 206-861-0506 


me to а chair and stroked my cock until 
I was ready to tell her anything. She put 
on a safari hat and became a big-game 
hunter; I got on all fours and growled. 
She donned a baseball cap and said she 
wanted to score. It all sounds corny as I 
write it down, but it made for incredible 
sex. I'd like to introduce this energetic 
exercise into my current relationshij 
but I'm not sure how to do it. Any sug- 
gestions? -G.R., Detroit, Michigan. 

Do you, by chance, get turned on by hat- 
chech girls? Your games were examples of the 
fantasies many couples use to spice up their 
sex lives—and to heep warm if the room is 
chilly, Rather than leap from a closet wear- 
ing a deerstalker cap and yelling, “Come 
back here, you wascally wabbit,” you could 
introduce the concept more cautiously. Offer 
to act out your lover’s fantasies—hat or no 
hat—and take it from there. Make love out- 
side on а cold day, or in the rain. Or simply 
bowl her over: Wear а tux to bed, complete 
with top hat. If the hat ends up on her head 
before you're done making love, you're well 
оп your way. 


Since we became lovers four years ago, 
my wife has complained of pain during 
intercourse. We use lubricants by the 
quart. I am always gentle, but lately 
things have gotten worse, limiting us to 
oral sex. We have a loving marriage, but 
the problem upsets us both. Have you 
ever heard of this?—B.B., Atwood, 
Kansas. 

Doctors are at a loss to explain why eight 
percent to 15 percent of women suffer from 
genital pain (vestibular dyspareunia) dur- 
ing intercourse. Until recently, women whose 
pain couldn't be traced to vaginal infections, 
latex allergies, vaginal muscle spasms or oth- 
er problems were often dismissed as head 
cases. But now some researchers believe that 
oxalates, a class of chemicals in many foods, 
contribute to the problem by making urine 
irritating. One study found that after two 
months on a low-oxalate diet that included 
calcium citrate supplements to inhibit ox- 
alate formation, 46 of 60 women with unex- 
plained pain during sex reported relief 
Foods high in oxalates include chocolate, 
chard, rhubarb, peanuts, leeks, squash and 
Spinach. Contact the Vulvar Pain Founda- 
tion (PO. Drawer 177, Graham, North Car- 
olina 27253) for more information. 


П have been dating a 22-year-old woman 
for a few months. Occasionally, she and I 
have sex with her two female room- 
mates. Needless to say, I've learned a lot 
about women’s bodies while watching 
them explore one another, and I've in- 
creased my stamina as they take turns 
fucking me. Boohoo, right? Well, be- 
cause my girlfriend shares her friends 
with me, she says I should share my male 
friends with her. She's given me an ulti- 
matum: Either bring in one of my guy 
friends or I will not be allowed to partic- 
ipate in any more reindeer games. 


Although she isn't asking me to have 
sex with my buddies, I couldn't stand 
watching her get fucked by them. I 
never thought being a heterosexual 
would cause such а mess.—].R., Atlanta, 
Georgia 

We suggest you examine your relationship 
with this woman—and more important, how 
she views it. What you have seems more like 
an orgy than a relationship, and it's not 
clear whether she wants to recruit new faces 
for her friends or for herself. Find out, then 
decide if that's what you want. Realize, 
though, that you may never have a sex-ed 
class like this again. 


М, husband has found that blow-dry- 
ing his balls helps cure jock itch. Lately 
he seems almost happy in the morning 
after he gets out of the shower and uses 
the drier. Is this really a cure for jock 
itch, or is he turned on by it?—M.K., 
Cambridge, Massachusetts. 

Although keeping the genitals clean and 
dry isa good idea when battling jock itch, it 
sounds like your husband has been clean and 
sly for a long time. Indulge him. The next 
time you make love, slowly and softly tease 
has cock and balls with your breath. Moan a 
little. Don't touch him otherwise. The reac- 
tion you receive will provide insight into 
your husband's morning blow-dry jobs. 


What is the origin of dinking glasses 
at the end of a toast?—T.D., Maywood, 
New Jersey. 

Drinking to health was everywhere in the 
ancient world, and it’s hard to pinpoint 
when clinking glasses became part of the cus- 
tom. According to Paul Dickson, author of 
the book “Toasts,” one theory is that it began 
among early Christians who likened the 
sound of the clinking glasses to a bell, the 
traditional bane of Satan. Another is that 
clinking glasses gets all five senses involved 
in the toast: The drink is tasted, touched, 
smelled, seen and heard. 


One friend of mine recently talked 
about how her boyfriend liked to be 
snowballed. Ever since, I've wondered 
what she was referring to. Was she 
pulling my leg, or is this some sort of 
new sexual technique?—P].. New York, 
New York. 

We most recently heard a reference to 
snowballing in one of our favorite movies, 
“Clerks.” Two characters are discussing 
blow jobs when one explains that after she 
fellated her boyfriend, he asked her to spit the 
ejaculate into his mouth. What comes 
around, goes around. 


AA friend who is a doctor says there is a 
new wonder drug on the horizon to treat 
male baldness. He couldn't remember 
the details. Could it be true? Please tell 
me this is the real thing —T.M., Wash- 
ington, D.C. 

When you're offered horsehair condition- 
er, herbal ointments and dozens of other 


ridiculous treatments for baldness, any hint 
that a simple pill will do the trick is sure 
to inspire enthusiasm among the beaming 
masses. Merck & Co. has sold the prescrip- 
tion drug Proscar since 1992 as a treatment 
for benign prostate enlargement. The drug 
may have an effect on the male hairline too. 
Last year the company conducted a pilot 
study of 100 balding men under the age of 
35, giving them five-milligram doses of 
Proscar daily for a year. The results were 
promising: More than half grew new hair. 
(Specifically, the men had a mean increase of 
95 hairs in an inch-wide circle at the crown 
of the head; another 100 men who took 
placebos had a mean decrease of ten hairs). 
A second six-week study of 150 men under 
the age of 50 also showed positive results. 
Known generically as finasteride, Proscar 
inhibits an enzyme that converts testosterone 
to dihydrotestosterone, the hormone that con- 
tributes to prostate enlargement and, ap- 
parently, male pattern baldness. Although 
Merck is conducting more extensive tests 
with lower doses, don’t expect any miracle 
pill—if one even results—for several years. 


Bs there any value in storing my alcohol 
in the freezer, besides what I perceive as 
stronger taste? And are there any liquors 
that shouldn't be stored there?—PB., 
Garden Grove, California. 

It’s doubtful that turning your freezer into 
a bar has any effect on the liquors other than 
making them colder. (Some, such as vodka, 
may become slightly thicker) Avoid putting 


E [t n IL) See 


The Playmates... Pictorials.. Artwork. Cartoons... Cubs... TV Shows... Ја... Mansions... Portes... Controversies. The fade Stones 
IF YOU LIKE THE MAGAZINE, YOU'LL LOVE THE BOOK! 


GATEFOLD FEATURING 
ALL 480 PLAYMATES! 
ORDER TOLL-FREE 
1-800-423-9494 
Ask for item number ZE4004, Charge to your Vio, NoslerCrd Optima, 
‘American Express or Discover. Most orders shipped within 48 hours 
{Source Code: 59072) 


ORDER BY MAIL 
Use your credit cord and be sure lo include your cxcount number ord expi- 
тойоп dote. Or enclose o check or money order payable to ruso. Мой to 
"подвох PO. Box ВО, Deportment 59072, шэш, Ilinois 60143-0809. 


There so $5.50 spring ond handing charge per ot order Minois res- 
idens indude 6.75% ses юк. Conadi residents pense indude $300 
cational per took Say, n oher foreign orders or currency eee 


$ ШИ «9 X12 
368 PAGES = COLOR AND BEN THROUGHOUT 
MORE THAN 1000 PHOTOS. 


EACH COPY PERSONALLY 
SIGNED BY HUGH M. HEFNER 


ALSO AVAILABLE AT A BOOKSTORE NEAR YOU! 


the chill on lower proof alcoliols —such. as 
beer—or you'll be cleaning up а mess. 


Wy is it that whenever I look into my 
wife's eyes during intercourse, I get an 
incredible rush of erotic energy? Have 
you heard of anything like this?—N.B., 
New Orleans, Louisiana. 

You've discovered one of the best-hept se- 
crets of great sex: Go into it with your eyes 
open. Anything you can do to involve senses 
that aren't centered ai your groin will make 
your lovemaking more, well, sensuous. Hold 
your wife’s hand. Stroke her face and hair. 
Whisper to her. Tickle her toes. Intercourse is 
logistically simple—even teenagers have 
figured out that peg A connects to slot A, B or 
C—so it’s easy to get distracted. By staring 
into your wife's eyes you're telling her that 
there's nothing else on your mind—includ- 
ing the baseball strike, your checkbook, your 
job, your Internet connection—nothing but 
the fact that you're inside her. 


All reasonable questions—from fashion, 
food and drink, stereo and sports cars to dat- 
ing problems, taste and etiquette—will be 
personally answered if the writer includes a 
stamped, self-addressed envelope. Send all 
letters to The Playboy Advisor, PLAYBOY, 680 
North Lake Shore Drive, Chicago, Illinois 
60611. (E-mail: advisor@playboy.com.) 
The most provocative, pertinent queries will 
be presented in these pages each month. 


Playboy Attitude! 


Confident, open-minded 
and progressive: 
You'll find it in 
THE PLAYBOY 
CATALOG 

along with Playboy 
Sportswear by 
New York designer 
Laura Whitcomb, sensuous 
products for couples, 
sexy videos, Romantics 
by Playboy lingerie, 
collectibles, gifts 
and more. 


Fora FREE 
catalog, send your 

name and address to: 

_| Playboy, Р. O, Box 809, 
Oept. 59264, Itasca, 

IL 60143-0809 


©1995 Pleytoy 


43 


These days, people who smoke 
could use a little more room. 
For a great smoke, find a new hangout. 


THE LENGTH YOU GO TO FOR PLEASURE 


SURGEON GENERAL'S WARNING: Cigarette Final) a welcome sign for people who smoke. 


Coll 1-800-494-5444 for more information. 


Smoke Contains Carbon Monoxide. 


© Philp Moris inc. 1895 
16 mg "tar; 11 mg nicotine av. per cigarette by FTC method 


? 


Unlike most Americans, I grew up 
with daily assembly in a public school, 
where a hymn was sung and a prayer 
recited. It was unashamedly Christian 
in form; we addressed God as "He" 
and didn't say diddly about Muslims, 
Jews, Buddhists or anyone else. We 
had readings from the King James 
Bible, and then the retributions of a 
vengeful God were meted out, by way 
of a primly vigilant schoolmaster, on 
some hapless window-breaker or tru- 
ant. There was a mournful rendition 
of All Things Bright & Beautiful, and 
then we got in line either for free 
school lunches or beatings 


THE PLAYBOY FORUM 


SCHOOL PRAYER 
| оп englishman crosses the great divide | 


an englishman crosses the great divide 


By ROBERT DUXBURY 


In England, damp schoolchildren 
would steam off their drab uniforms 
for half an hour in a musty hall. 
Everyone was made to stand, and 
those who didn’t pay attention to the 
schoolmaster passing out the hymn- 
books soon felt one thwacked smartly 
against the forehead. The service was 
led by a headmaster draped in a black 
academic gown and already apoplec- 
tic about one or another of his flock's 
recent sins. He spent most of the 
hymn scouring the rows of preteen 


S 


rendition of the pledge of allegiance. 
I would like to report that such duti- 
ful chanting offered a daily uplift, or 
some intense communion—but as the 
TV commercials advise us, Get real. 
Keeping the kids quiet during the 
pledge was hard enough. Some pre- 
tended they'd never heard the thing 
before and asked for the words. Oth- 
ers declared they felt political alle- 
giance to other countries, and for a 
whole year one black child snorted at 

every mention of liberty and justice. 
The speed of the recitations in- 
creased through the year, and the fact 
that we were supposed to align 


The lucky ones got beat. No, 
I am not some Newtonian 
throwback from the distant 
South, nor a hair-shirted con- 
servative from the Bible Belt. 
I'm British. 

The Brits have always had 
prayer in school. Read Tom 
Brown’s School Days and you'll 
see that rugby results were 
blessed in morning assembly. 
Not having prayer in school 
would be as unthinkable as 
not having a cricket team or 
a school song. In American 
terms, it would be like having 
no state bird, no natty slogan 
on the state license plate. 

But now Americans scem 
poised to undo more than 200 
years of experience to recstab- 
lish state-sponsored prayer. Do 
you know what you're getting 
into? I'm treading carefully 
here because, presumably, the 
issue of an individual's relationship to 
his or her God is more important 
than the school basketball team’s vic- 
tory in the state championships. I 
make what you might think is an ob- 
vious point based on experience— 
from the odd juxtaposition of having 
taught high school in England, fol- 
lowed by junior high in California. In 
both systems I was supervising a gov- 
ernment-sponsored assembly meant 
to instill assorted “values” into my 
young charges. Neither endeavor was 
what you would call successful. 


boys for possible signs of guilt. We 
then bowed our hcads for praycr— 
except for the teachers, who used this 
time to frisk suspected offenders for 
chewing gum or slingshots, or to sig- 
nal students to leave the hall as pun- 
ishment. The fact that we were sup- 
posed to be using this time to have a 
talk with our creator was not ignored 
so much as forgotten. 

In the U.S., by contrast, there was 
no full school gathering, but at sec- 
ond period the school loudspeaker 
forced us all through an Orwellian 


ourselves with our forefathers, 
and with the republic for which 
we were all ostensibly stand- 
ing, passed us by with compa- 
rable speed. It struck me as an 
irony that the British are an in- 
tensely political nation, and yet 
not a particularly religious 
one—a possible result of their 
assemblies—while Americans 
are far more religious (check 
out church or synagogue at- 
tendance in the two countries), 
yet not politically astute, in- 
formed or, frankly, interested. 
Is there a pattern here? 

As the school-prayer issue 
reheats and furious citizens 
line up to curse one another 
across the ideological divide, I 
think we should ask the kids to 
decide. Let religion be supply- 
side, too. If I were a deeply re- 
ligious person who wanted to 
spend quality time with my 
God, the second period in an average 
inner-city high school classroom 
would not be my venue of choice. If 
anything, when you consider the 
state of most inner-city schools, it 
might lead to some hard questions 
concerning God's priorities. 

Let's show kids how to pray, then 
show them the nightly news. If prayer 
has a future, let them choose where 
and when to apply it. 


Robert Duxbury is a playwright who 
lives in San Francisco. 


45 


46 


FATHERHOOD: 

Тед Fishman's piece on fa- 
therhood (“Redefining Father- 
hood,” The Playboy Forum, 
March) is spectacular. While we 
must be concerned about run- 
away mothers and fathers, Fish- 
man demonstrates that our le- 
gal system creates fathers who 
are driven—and thrown—away. 
Children are born with (and 
they want and need) two par- 
ents. Regardless of the social 
pathology under consideration, 
be it teenage pregnancy, drug 
abuse, juvenile delinquency or 
any of our other social ills, re- 
search consistently points to the 
absence of fathers as a primary 
cause. Laws that treat fathers as 
mere nuisances or as faceless 
cash donors do a disservice to 
their children. Ask any child or 
young adult whether it is worse 
to grow up poor or to grow up 
without a father. Everyone who 
loves children must join the 
fight to restore each child’s 
right to two parents. 

David Levy 
Children’s Rights Council 
Washington, D.C. 


If unwed fathers who seek 
custody face an uphill battle 
against strangers, imagine how 

ult it is for them to prevail 
against the mothers of their 
children, By trumpeting femi- 
nist-fabricated statistics on do- 
mestic violence, the media have creat- 
ed an environment in which mothers 
can bypass the legislative gains of fa- 
thers by alleging abuse. The result is 
that more fathers than ever become ex- 
iled from their children’s lives, mean- 
ing more children than ever don't re- 
ceive enough fathering, which means 
social problems galore. When it was re- 
ported that women already control 
more than 86 percent of the personal 
wealth in America, no one mentioned 
women’s control over the most valu- 
able things we have: our children. We 
have not abandoned the young—they 
have been taken from us. It is time for 
men to recognize that we, like women, 
have a tremendous stake in ending 
sexism. Parental equality will not be 
handed to us ona silver platter. 
Fredric Hayward 
Men's Rights, Inc. 
Sacramento, California 


FOR THE RECORD 


McPORN 


“We think fast food is equivalent to pornogra- 
phy, nutritionally speaking.” 
— STEVE ELBERT. ONE OF A GROUP OF BEXLEY, OHIO 
RESIDENTS FIGHTING A PROPOSAL TO TEAR DOWN 

AN ADULT VIDEO STORE AND REPLACE IT WITH A 
MCDONALD'S. A WEALTHY SUBURB OF COLUMBUS, 
BEXLEY WAS ONCE HOME TO Hustler PUBLISHER 


LARRY FLYNT 


The Forum article on the adoptive 
rights of fathers has some validity, but 
itis also misleading. Ted Fishman indi- 
cates that when unwed mothers place 
newborns for adoption, few fathers file 
to request custody within the mandat- 
ed 30 days. He cites two cases of fraud 
by mothers, which certainly deserve 
our protest. That is the sum of his evi- 
dence, which implies that this is repre- 
sentative. In his effort at chest-beating, 
Fishman ignores the primary fact: 
Most unwed parents are young, often 
not even out of school, let alone ready 
to assume parenting roles. Young men 
who do not contest the adoptions do so 
not because of fraud, societal antifather 
attitudes or even because they're dead- 
beat dads, but because they are wise 
enough to avoid shotgun marriages 
and premature parenthood. If Fish- 
man is upset about men being left out 


of the decision to give birth, he 
would be wise to recommend 
condom use to prevent this. 

Ed Tracey 

Claremont, New Hampshire 


Ted Fishman’s article is right 
on target. Fathers are being 
driven out of their children’s 
lives even before those children 
are born. If political figures 
such as Illinois governor Jim 
Edgar are really concerned 
about justice, they should rue 
the day that Baby Richard’s 
birth was hidden from his fa- 
ther, the day that an adoption 
agency placed Baby Richard 
with an unsuspecting family 
and the day that same family 
negligently decided not to re- 
turn Baby Richard once they 
found out that he had a loving 
father waiting for him. If these 
same politicians are concerned 
about human decency, they 
should think of the price society 
pays by separating fathers from 
their children. To quote syndi- 
cated columnist William Rasp- 
berry: “We pay little attention 
to fathers as fathers, even less to 
the fact that many of the men 
absent from their children’s 
lives have been shoved aside, 
not just by the mothers of these 
children but by the courts and 
the social agencies buttressed 
by the growing cultural notion 
of the superfluous father.” 
Many men have sacrificed their lives 
and well-being to protect their rights 
and provide for their families. Itis time 
to ensure that these rights are recipro- 
cally enforced. The Illinois Supreme 
Court has taken a brave first step in 
that direction. PLAYBOY is also to be con- 
gratulated for following suit and hav- 
ing the courage to print Fishman’s arti- 
cle, which, while unlikely to be popular, 
tells it like it is. 

Stuart Miller 
American Fathers’ Coalition 
Washington, D.C. 


The legislative crusade against nat- 
ural fathers is a lot more than an attack 
on men. The effort to change cen- 
turies-old laws and substitute the “best 
interest” standard as grounds for 
courts taking children away from their 
natural parents is an attack on the fam- 
ily itself. Nationwide, that standard — 


a familiar criterion for deciding а cus- 
tody contest between divorcing natural 
parents—is not and has never been the 
rule when the contest is between a nat- 
ural parent and some other person. 
The state does not have the authority 
to substitute its judgment for that of 
nature by removing the child and plac- 
ing the child with another family. The 
effort to make best interest the rule for 
contested adoptions and other third- 
party custody cases is driven by a tiny 
minority of publicity-hungry law pro- 
fessors, social workers, homosexual 
rights advocates, radical feminists and 
baby brokers who want to see the fami- 
ly abolished as an enslaving institution. 
These people still think the govern- 
ment always knows what's best for us, 
and that anything that sounds like best 
interest of the child must be good for 
children. They should think about 
what will happen when the govern- 
ment turns its infallible wisdom against 
them, looks into their homes or the 
homes of people they love and decides 
that the children would do better 
sumewhere else. 

Richard Crouch 

Arlington, Virginia 


CYBERCOPS 
Online entrapment frightens me in 
a way no criminal can (“Uncle Scam 
Wants You,” The Playboy Forum, March). 
The thought that there might be cyber- 
cops lurking in the shadows waiting to 
misinterpret a statement sends chills 
down my spine. When will the FCC de- 
cide that things said online should be 
recognized as personal and private— 
much like thoughts? Conspiracy online 
could be real, or it could be a fantasy 
generated by some fun-loving people 
with overactive imaginations. Yet the 
simple act of fantasizing over the wire 
could send you to jail for ten years. 
Think about that the next time you tell 
your wife, “I wish my boss were dead!” 
Big Brother may be watching. 
Mike Lynch 
Alamogordo, New Mexico 
snicker@nmsua.nmsu.edu 


We would like to hear your point of 
view, Send questions, information, opinions 
and quirky stuff to: The Playboy Forum 
Reader Response, PLAYBOY, 680 North 
Lake Shore Drive, Chicago, Illinois 60611. 
Please include a daytime phone number. 
Fax number: 312-951-2939. E-mail: 


forum @plasboy.com. 


In January, judges at the Sun- 
dance Film Festival awarded the 
Playboy Foundation’s Freedom of 
Expression Award to When Billy 
Broke His Head and Other Tales of 
Wonder. (The foundation sponsors 
the $5000 award for the documen- 
tary that “best investigates, edu- 
cates and enlightens the public 
on issues of social concern.”) 

Co-produced and co-directed 
by David Simpson and Billy 
Golfus, Billy is a moving, often 
cuttingly funny documentary 
about disabled Americans and 
their fight for civil rights. "This 
ain't exactly your average inspi- 
rational cripple story,” says Gol- 
fus, a former disc jockey and ra- 
dio journalist who is the feisty 
Billy of the title. 

More than a decade ago, a 
drunk driver smashed into his 
motor scooter. Golfus came out 
of a coma brain-damaged, 
hemiplegic and suddenly de- 
pendent on society's largesse. 
Although he "couldn't count 
change,” he went on to study 
Japanese and earn a master’s 
degree in communications at 
the University of Minnesota. At 
school, Golfus took a video class 
taught by Simpson, an independent 
filmmaker. Thus began their long, 
rocky road of feuding and fund- 
raising that led to Billy. 

The film presents a passionate 
demonstration by disabled conven- 
tioneers in Chicago, and a com- 
pelling episode about Denver's mili- 
tant Gang of 19, whose human 
blockade forced the city to provide 
wheelchair-accessible public buses. 

Other powerful profiles include 
Billy's chats with his father, who is 
ical of his son's aspirations and 
remarks that he would rather be 
dead than disabled. There is a 
provocative interview with Joy 
Mincy-Powell, a beautiful, articulate 
paraplegic and graduate student 
who now performs in her wheel- 
chair with a dance group. Even 


more dramatic was the case of Ed 
Roberts, paralyzed and largely con- 
fined to an iron lung. Fourteen 
years ago, Roberts' chances of find- 
ing a job were called "infeasible" by 
California's Department of Rehabil- 
itation Services. Before his death 


this March, he had become head of 
that agency and a renowned lectur- 
er who took karate lessons and 
learned how to use his wheelchair as 
a weapon. 

Of these characters, Golfus (pic- 
tured above) notes: “Like everyone. 
I thought disabled people were sup- 
posed to act tragic and brave, or else 
cute and inspirational. These peo- 
ple weren't sticking to the script.” 

Indeed not. When Billy Broke His 
Head is thought-provoking but nev- 
er pitying. The movie will premiere 
over PBS stations on May 23. 

Also of note: The Playboy Foun- 
dation is proud to have contributed 
partial funding to two other films 
shown at the Sundance festival: 
Jupiter's Wife by Michel Negroponte 
and Trevor by Peggy Rajski. 


47 


48 


OVERKILL 


when government abuses power, is it an accident or murder? 


he story has been told in The 

New York Times, The Washington 

Post and Soldier of Fortune maga- 
zine. Somewhere you've read or heard 
about the 11-day stakeout that resulted 
in the death of a 14-year-old boy, a 42- 
year-old mother, a federal marshal and 
one yellow Labrador retriever. It is an 
American tragedy, one that must be re- 
told until some sense of truth or justice 
emerges. 

Randy Weaver lived with his wife 
and four children in a cabin in the 
rugged Idaho mountains 40 miles 
south of the Canadian border. The cab- 
in had no electricity or running water, 
but the family survived, as had genera- 
tions of pioneers. According to his 
lawyer, Weaver was "a little man who 
wanted to be left alone." 

According to the government, he 
was a heavily armed white supremacist, 
a former Green Beret, a member of a 
cult that believed a Jewish-led conspir- 
acy controlled the government. He 
stood convinced that God had created 
separate races for a reason, and that 
the races should remain separate. 
Weaver was, said one agent, “extreme- 
ly irritable, and saw people plotting 
against him.” 

‘Weaver had every reason to be para- 
noid. People were plotting against him. 
No fewer than three government agen- 
cies targeted Randy Weaver. 


ENTRAPMENT? 


Agents of the Bureau of Alcohol, To- 
bacco and Firearms were the first to 
turn their attention on Weaver. In 
1989 Kenneth Fadley, a BATF infor- 
mant, persuaded Weaver to sell him 
two sawed-off shotguns, carefully 
pointing out where he wanted the bar- 
rels cut—one-quarter of an inch below 
the legal length. 

Prior to the sting operation, Weaver 
had no criminal record. The agents 
had noticed Weaver and members of 
his family at a meeting of the Aryan 
Nation, a white supremacist movement 
based in the panhandle of Idaho. Ac- 
cording to Weaver the BATF then 
threatened him, saying that unless he 
promised to infiltrate the Aryan Nation 
and turn informer, they would prose- 
cute. He refused; charges were filed in 


By JAMES BOVARD 


December 1990. 

A court date was set, then changed. 
A probation officer sent a letter to 
Weaver with yet another date. When 
Weaver failed to appear, a warrant was 
issued. 


WYATT EARP MEETS RAMBO 


orate 18-month surveillance of 

Weaver's cabin and land. The 
agency this time was the U.S. Marshal 
Service (headed by former Meese 
Commission star Henry Hudson), 
which is responsible for serving high- 
risk warrants. The service seems to 
take its cue not from the Constitution 
but from Hollywood. (As described in 
*On-Line Pedo- 
philes" in the 
March Playboy Fo- 
rum, Henry Hud- 
son spent a small 
fortune trying to 
entrap two men to 
make snuff mov- 
les.) David Nevin, 
a lawyer involved 
in the subsequent 
court case, noted: 
“The marshals 
called in military 
aerial reconnais- 
sance and had 
photos studied by 
the Defense Map- 
ping Agency. They 
prowled the woods 
around Weaver's 
cabin with night- 
vision equipment. They had psycho- 
logical profiles performed and in- 
stalled $130,000 worth of long-range 
solar-powered spy cameras. They in- 
tercepted the Weavers’ mail. They 
even knew the menstrual cycle of 
Weaver's teenage daughter, and 
planned an arrest scenario around it. 
They actually bought a tract of land 
next to Weaver's where an undercover 
marshal was to pose as a neighbor and 
build a cabin in hopes of befriending 
Weaver and luring him away.” All this 
despite the fact that the BATF had ini- 
tially served Weaver a warrant without 
encountering violence (agents faked a 
car breakdown; when he stopped to 


F ederal agents launched an elab- 


help, they arrested him). According to 
several reports, Hudson's Special Op- 
erations Group thought it was up 
against Rambo. Had the government 
bothered to look carefully at service 
records, it would have known better. 
According to Soldier of Fortune, Weaver 
never completed Special Forces train- 
ing. He was an engineer in support 
personnel for the Green Berets. 
“Although the marshals knew Wea- 
ver's precise location,” reports Nevin, 
“throughout this elaborate investiga- 
tion, not a single marshal ever met 
face-to-face with Weaver. Even so, 
Weaver offered to surrender if condi- 
tions were met to guarantee his safety. 
"The marshals drafted a letter of accep- 


tance, but the U.S, attorney for Idaho 
abruptly ordered the negotiations to 
cease.” 
n August 21, 1992 six U.S. mar- 
0 shals outfitted in full camou- 
flage and painted faces entered 
Weaver's property. They carried auto- 
matic weapons. They had been told to 
avoid contact with the Weavers, but 
had visited a shooting range the night 
before to sight in their weapons. The 


group leader was familiar with the ter- 
rain: [t was deputy marshal Arthur 
Roderick's 24th visit to the cabin. One 
of the Weaver family's dogs, Striker, 
caught scent of the agents and ran 
barking down the hill. Weaver's 


14-year-old son, Sammy, and Kevin 
Harris, a 25-year-old family friend who 
lived with the Weavers in the cabin, 
followed. 

hat happened next is a horri- 

ble vision of law enforcement 

agents out of control. Law- 
yers for the defendants say that Roder- 
ick shot the dog, shattering its haunch- 
es. Sammy Weaver fired two shots at 
the man who had just killed his dog. 
Randy Weaver called out to his son. 
Sammy yelled, “I'm coming, Dad,” 
then turned to run to safety. A bullet 
from a U.S. marshal nearly tore off his 
arm; a second bullet entered his back, 
killing him. 

At some point during the exchange 
deputy marshal William Degan stood 
up and yelled “Freeze.” Harris fired, 
killing the marshal. Federal agents 
testified in court that Degan had been 
killed by the first shot of the exchange, 
but were unable to explain how it was 
that the marshal had fired seven shots 
from his gun before he was shot. 

Who was writing this script? 


FBI MUTANT NINJAS 


The surviving marshals trooped 
down the mountain and called for 
help. As Weaver retrieved his son's 
body, the FBI's elite paramilitary Hos- 
tage Rescue Team boarded a plane in 
Washington, D.C. Almost 400 state and 
federal agents surrounded the site of 
the standoff. Although no shots came 
from the cabin, FBI team commander 
Richard Rogers changed the standard 
rules of engagement. The HRT sharp- 
shooters were told to shoot any armed 
adult male on sight, whether he posed 
an immediate threat or not. 

The next day, August 22, Randy 
Weaver—with daughter Sara and 


Kevin Harris—walked from his cabin 
to the little shack where his son’s body 
lay. As he lifted the latch on the shack's 
door, Weaver was shot from behind 
by FBI sniper Lon Horiuchi, Weaver 
struggled back to the cabin while his 
wife, Vicki, stood in the doorway, hold- 
ing their ten-month-old infant in her 
arms and calling for her husband 
to hurry. 

Horiuchi testified that after shooting 
Weaver in the back, he followed Kevin 
Harris through his telescopic sight, 
leading slightly. He fired as the man 
rushed through the door of the саБи 
According to The New York Times, Ho 
uchi, who claimed he could hit a target 
at a distance of 200 meters within a 
quarter of an inch, said he had “decid- 
ed to neutralize that male and his 
rifle.” Instead, he hit Vicki Weaver in 
the temple, killing her. The bullet that 
passed through Vicki Weaver's skull 
wounded Harris. 

‘The paramilitary team then switched 
to psychological warfare. As The Wash- 
ington Times’ Jerry Seper reported, 
“Court records 
show that while 
the woman's body 
lay in the cabin for 
cight days, the 
FBI used mega- 
phones to taunt 
the family. ‘Good 
morning, Mrs. 
Weaver. We had 
pancakes for break- 
fast. What did you 
have?” 

Weaver surren- 
dered after 11 
days. 

At the subse- 
quent trial, the 
government 
sought to prove 
that Weaver had 
conspired for nine 
years to have an armed confrontation 
with the government. An Idaho jury 
found Weaver innocent of almost all 
charges and ruled that Kevin Harris' 
shooting of the U.S. marshal had been 
in self-defense. 

ederal Bureau of Investigation 

Director Louis Freeh justified 

the FBI shooting of Randy 
Weaver because sniper Horiuchi saw 
one of the suspects raise a weapon in 
the direction of a helicopter carrying 
other FBI personnel. But other federal 
officials testified at Weaver’s trial that 
there were no helicopters in the vicini- 
ty of the Weavers’ cabin at the time of 
the shooting. 


Freeh also said the FBI's next shot— 
the one that killed Vicki Weaver—was 
justified and that the killing was acci- 
dental. Freeh declared, “The question 
is whether someone running into a for- 
tified position who is going to shoot at 
you is as much a threat to you as some- 
body turning in an open space and 
pointing a gun at you. I don't distin- 
guish between those.” Not even when 
the fortified position is a cabin filled 
with children? 

reeh found 12 FBI officials 
Е =ч of “inadequate perfor- 
mance, improper judgment, 
neglect of duty and failure to exert 
proper managerial oversight.” Howev- 
er, the heaviest penalty that Freeh im- 
posed was 15 days unpaid leave, and 
that for only four agents. As The New 
York Times reported, Freeh has imposed 
heavier penalties for FBI agents who 
used their official cars to drive their 
children to school. 

One of the most disturbing aspects of 
Freeh's actions has been his treatment 
of Larry Potts, Freeh's pick as acting 
deputy FBI director. Potts was the se- 
nior official in charge of the Idaho op- 
eration and defended the shoot-to-kill 
orders. Despite the finding of a Justice 
Department confidential report that 
the orders had violated constitutional 
rights, Frech recommended that Potts 
face only the penalty of a letter of cen- 
sure. That is the same penalty that 
Frech received when he lost an FBI 
cellular telephone. 

In a letter to Attorney General Janet 
Reno, Idaho Senator Larry Craig 
asked: “When does the Department of 
Justice consider it acceptable to fire on 
an armed citizen first—even if he or 
she is not threatening the life of any 
other person—and ask questions lat- 
er? I am not alone in believing that 
firearms restrictions do not prevent vi- 
olent crime; it is appalling that in this 
case, the enforcement of such restric- 
tions actually led to the sacrifice of 
three lives. In this sense comparisons 
drawn between the north Idaho action 
and the Waco case are inevitable and 
deeply troubling.” 

Тһе Weaver case presents a great 
challenge to the competency and 
courage of the congressional leader- 
ship now in Washington. If Congress is 
not willing to look into such miscon- 
duct, who will protect the Constitu- 
tion? Will Congress let the Justice De- 
partment and the FBI get away with 
murder? 

James Bovard is author of “Lost Rights: 
The Destruction of American Liberty.” 


49 


ABORTION 


August 1993 

Rachelle Shannon shot 
abortion doctor George Tiller in 
Kansas. 

е In September 1993 Life Advocate 
al how Fi Hill and 
others identified Gunn's replacement 
at the Ladies Center of Pensacola as 
John Bayard Britton. “As suspected,” 
said the Reverend John Burt, militant 
anti-abortion leader, “the new killer in 
Pensacola is another one of those bot- 
tom feeders on the food chain.” 

© On July 29, 1994 Paul Hill walked 
up to the driver's side of a pickup truck 
at the Ladies Center and opened fire 
with a shotgun, killing abortion 
provider John Britton and his body- 
guard, James Barrett. 

е In September 1994 Life Advocate 
put Paul Hill on the cover with the 
headline: HILL SHOOTS!“NOW IS THE TIME.” 


In the accompanying story, the De- 
fenders of Defenders of Life an- 
nounced that it would collect money 
for the support of Paul Hill's family. 

© On December 30, 1994 John Salvi 
allegedly shot and killed two reception- 
ists and wounded five other workers in 
two abortion clinics in Brookline, 
Massachusetts. 

е On December 31, 1994 police ar- 
rested Salvi after he sprayed a clinic 
with bullets in Norfolk, Virginia. 

The National Abortion Federation 
has reports of 38 bombings, 91 arson 
cases and 66 attempted attacks on 
abortion clinics in the U.S. since 1977. 


GOD'S OWN CHEERLEADER 


“Joshua and Caleb were instructed 
by the Lord to enter Jericho and ‘де- 
stroy all that was in the city, both man 
and woman, young and old, the oxen, 
sheep and donkey with the edge of the 
sword’ (Judges 6:21). The Lord could 
have rained fire from heaven, opened 
up the earth and swallowed up the in- 
habitants or sent a plague to destroy 
Jericho. Yet he required physical inter- 
vention from his 2 

“Only Michael Griffin and Paul Hill 
know for certain whether they heard a 
voice from heaven directing them to 
take the lives of Gunn, Britton and 
Barrett. We who are Christians must 


WHAT RAVE You GOT IN 
A RIGHT-To-LIFE MODEL? 


how pro-life extremists turn 


stay open to the whole counsel of God. 
And as we sce God's judgments being 
poured out on this nation, just don’t be 
surprised if God has man execute his 
judgments for him.” 
— FULL-TIME HOMEMAKER STEPHANIE 
HUNLEY'S EDITORIAL RATIONALE FOR 
MURDER, FROM Life Advocate. HUN- 


LEY HAS “BEEN INVOLVED IN RESCUE 
AND PROPHETIC WITNESSING SINCE 
19897 


WHATEVER HAPPENED TO "IN GOD 
WE TRUST"? 


“If you believe abortion is murder, 
act like it's murder!” 
— OPERATION RESCUE SLOGAN 
THE ARMY OF GOD MANUAL 


The following are excerpts from the 
third edition of a manual published by 
anti-abortion militants calling them- 
selves the Army of God. The book pro- 
vides recipes for explosives “that will 
make baby killers tremble in their 
boots” and describes other forms of ob- 
struction, including injecting super- 
glue into locks, using bike locks to keep 
office doors closed, spreading one-inch 
roofing nails on a doctor's driveway 
and shooting out windows. 

“This is a manual for those who have 
come to understand that the battle 
against abortion is a battle not against. 
flesh and blood but against the devil 
and all the evil he can muster among 
flesh and blood to fight at his side. It's 
a how-to manual of means to disrupt 
and ultimately destroy Satan's power to 
kill our children, God's children. 
“Passive resistance is woefully inade- 


SCRAPBOOK 


quate against mass murder. The use of 
force is also woefully inadequate 
against mass murder, unless that force 
is directed against the perpetrator of 
the crime.” 


‘THE ARMY OF GOD INTERVIEW 


A supposed dialogue between the 
Mad Gluer, an underground leader 
of the American Holocaust Resistance 
Movement, and the Army of God itself: 

MG: Why an interview, and why 
now? 

AOG: You asked for one, I know I 
can trust you, and I can’t do it alone. 

MG: Can't do what alone? 

AOG: Drive the abortion industry 
underground with or without the sanc- 
tion of government law. 

MG: By what method? 

AOG: Explosives, predominantly. 

MG: Would you care to elaborate? 

AOG: Certainly. First by disarming 
the murder weapons. That is, by de- 
stroying the structures where the actu- 
al crimes are being committed. Second, 
by disarming the persons perpetrating 
the crimes by removing their hands, 
or at least their thumbs below the 
second digit. 


2: WHAT. WOULD You DO IF 
YOL FOUND YOURSELF IN 
A ROOM WITH HITLER, 
MUSSOLINI AND AN 
ABORTIONIST, AND You 
HAD A GUN WITH ONLY 
Two BULLETS? 


|: SHOOT THE RS SS 


MG: What do you recommend that 
concerned citizens do at this time? 

АОС: Every pro-life person should 
commit to destroying at least one death 
camp or disarming at least one baby 
killer. 


THE DECLARATION OF THE ARMY OF GOD 


"We, the remnant of God-fearing 
men and women of the United States 
of Amerika, do officially declare war on 
the entire child-killing industry. . . . We 
quietly accepted the imprisonment and 


america into a killing field 


suffering of our passive resistance. Yet, 
you mocked God and continued the 
holocaust. No longer. All of the options 
have expired. Our Most Dread Sover- 
eign Lord God requires that whosoev- 
er sheds man's blood, by man shall his 
blood be shed. Not out of hatred of you 
but out of love for the persons you ex- 
terminate, we are forced to take arms 
against you. 
Our life for 
yours—a sim- 
ple equation. 
You sl not 
be tortured at 
our hands. 
Vengeance be- 
longs to God 
only. However, 
execution is 
rarely gentle.” 


THE FIFTH 
COMMANDMENT 


“Thou shalt 
not kill’ refers 
to taking inno- 
cent human 
life. An abor- 
tionist is not innocent; he knows very 
well that he is killing human beings be- 
cause he sees the body parts. In our 
culture of death, the abortionist is the 
high priest of human sacrifice. God did 
not send any of his prophets to defend 
with their lives, the lives of the Canaan- 
ite high priests to whom the Israelites 
came when they wanted to sacrifice 
their children to Moloch. Instead, he 
sent Elijah . . . to cut the throats of 450 
prophets of Baal, a Canaanite god of 
human sacrifice. An abortionist in our 
culture of death is a hired serial killer 
protected by the state.” 

— TERENCE HUGHES. PROFESSOR OF GEO- 

LOGICAL SCIENCES AT THE UNIVERSITY 
OF MAINE, IN Life Advocate 


WETHE UNDERSIGNED 


“We the undersigned declare the jus- 
tice of taking all godly action necessary 
to defend innocent human life, includ- 
ing the use of force. We proclaim that 
whatever force is legitimate to defend 
the life of a born child is legitimate to 
defend the life of an unborn child. We 
assert that if Michael Griffin did in fact 
kill David Gunn, his use of lethal force 
was justifiable provided it was carried 


out for the purpose of defending the 
lives of unborn children. Therefore he 
ought to be acquitted of the charges 
against him.” 

‘Among those named in the petition 
were Paul Hill, later found guilty of 
killing James Britton; the Reverend 
Donald Spitz, assistant director of Res- 
cue Virginia, a Norfolk-based group; 


TM NOT REALLY 
BUT I N 
ON 


David Crane, director of Rescue Vir- 
ginia; and Michael Bray, author of A 
Time to Kill. who was convicted in 1984 
for bombing the same Norfolk clinic 
Salvi allegedly attacked. 

When John Salvi was arrested, he 
had Spitz’ name in his possession. 
Crane led a demonstration in support 
of Salvi outside the jail. Spitz and 
Crane deny a connection. Coincidence 

or conspiracy? 


51 


52 


N E W 


Si BER 


O N T 


what’s happening in the sexual and social arenas 


SAN ANTONIO—Denied the privilege of 
exercising, inmates are now replacing bar- 
bells with large law books from the prison 


library, then hefting them to get a good 
workout. The books are provided to help 
inmates with their appeals. In the interest 
of fostering weaker, gentler prisoners, of- 
fiials are considering photocopying the 
Sections relevant to a person’s case. 


BOSTON—Unable to prohibit homosexu- 
als from joining their St. Patrick's Day pa- 
rade, the South Boston Allied War Veter- 
ans Council canceled the event in 1994. 
This year, using First Amendment argu- 
ments, the veterans came up with a wily so- 
lution: Instead of calling the parade a pa- 
triotic event or a religious celebration, they 
billed it as a protest march against the gay 
lifestyle. 


DETROIT— The human immunodefici- 
enc) virus may be most e during 
the first two months of infection, before 
tests are able to detect it, according to Uni- 
versity of Michigan researchers. Their 
study, published in "The Journal of Ac- 
quired Immune Deficiency Syndromes,” 
suggests that infected victims may spread 
the disease before they test positive for the 
virus. Other studies support this finding, 


but the UM research indicates that in its 
early undetected form, the virus may be 
1000 times more contagious than it would 
be later, when antibodies indirectly reveal 
its presence. 


сҥслсо—Мап meets woman, falls in 
love, proposes. Man has second thoughts, 
breaks off engagement. Woman sues. We 

d on this case last August in 
the “Playboy Forum” article “The Law & 
Love.” The jilted woman originally won 
$178,000 in a breach-of-promise suit. 
Her award was whittled to $118,000 by a 
U.S. district judge. Now the case has been 
tossed out altogether by an appellate court 
on a legal technicality: The plaintiff s lau- 
suit failed to specify the date the couple be- 
came engaged. 


PITTSBURGH—A 39-year-old McDon- 
айз 


, described as an antiporn 
crusader, filed suit against the fast-food 
chain. for violating his civil rights with 
"pornographic music,” including selec- 
tions from 2 Live Crews "Nasty as They 
Wanna Be" and Madonna's "Erotica." 
He also claimed he was fired for filing dis- 
crimination charges with the Equal Em- 
ployment Opportunity Commission. A fed- 
eral judge dismissed the case because of 
insufficient legal merit. 


LONDON, ONTARIO—Fivo Canadian re- 
searchers have discovered that homosexual 
men tend to have more ridges in the finger- 
prints of their left hands than heterosexual 
men. (Gays are also more likely to be lefi- 
handed.) The report in the journal "Ве- 
havioral Neurascience” noted differences» 
in hearing and brain structure as well. 
Scientists regard the finding as further ev- 
idence that sexual orientation is deter- 
mined before birth, probably by some com- 
bination of biological factors rather than 
any one gene, hormonal condition or pre- 
natal experience. 


CHICAGO—A circuit court ruled that 
antidiscrimination statutes prohibit a 
landlord's refusal to rent to unmarried 


couples. The judge found that since the 
law does not require the landlord to con- 
done fornication and cohabitation, he can- 
mot make his beliefs a condition for renting 
his property. 


-— SEPARATE BUT EQUAL — 

LEXINGTON, VIRGINIA—A federal ap- 
pellate court revived the Supreme Court's 
pre-1954 "separate but equal” doctrine to 
permit publicly funded single-sex schools. 
The ruling requires institutions to establish 
equivalent facilities for the other sex, 
though not necessarily on the same cam- 
pus. The decision clears the way for the all- 
male Virginia Military Institute to set up a 
sister school, the Virginia Women's Insti- 
tule for Leadership, at the privately fund- 
ed Mary Baldwin College, 30 miles away. 
Presumably, South Carolina's The Citadel 
can use a similar strategy to purge its 
ranks of Shannon Faulkner the female 
“civilian” day student who has sued for 
full academic status. 


DEEP DISH TO GO — 
TEHRAN—Iran's Islamic government is 

pulling the plug on the country's satellite 

dishes. The capital city's 11 million resi- 


dents installed some 250,000 of these 
rooftop antennas before parliament issued 
а total ban. The response has been to 
camouflage the dishes, and authorities are 
threatening helicopter reconnaissance 


fights to spot the contraband equipment. 


Reporter's Notebook 


DEATH TRAP 


capital punishment is reserved for poor southern blacks— 
and for states stupid enough to foot the huge bill 


Everybody loves the death penalty. Pol- 
itidans fall all over themselves in at- 
tempts to apply it to an evergrowing list 
of crimes. Even Bill Clinton pushed 
through a crime bill last year that added 
more than 50 new federal crimes carry- 
ing the death sentence. 

Despite this enthusiasm, few murder- 
ers die. Since the Supreme Court de- 
clared the death penalty constitutional 
in 1976, 37 states have applied it to a 
host of crimes. Yet 13 of those states have 
failed to execute anyone, and seven oth- 
ers have killed only one or two people. 
Out of 18,000 arrests for homicide a 
year, only 300 result in the death sen- 
tence, and fewer than 60 of those end in 
execution. 

The truth is that we are serious about 
imposing the death penalty only when 
the victim is white, the perpetrator poor 
and the crime takes place in the South. 

We need an equal-opportunity execu- 
tion program that is open to all, irre- 
spective of race, region or wealth. Right 
now, 40 percent of the people on death 
row are black, and most are there for 
killing white people. Blacks who kill 
blacks usually face lesser sentences. Al- 
though half of the homicide victims in 
this country are black, 85 percent of the 
death penalty convictions occur when 
the victim is white. In the past 18 years, 
only two white defendants have died for 
killing nonwhite victims. We have to get 
over this double standard if the execu- 
tion numbers are to be increased. 

Currently, capital punishment flour- 
ishes only ın the South, with its noted 
history of interracial harmony. Of the 
266 people executed since 1976, 226 of 
these deaths occurred in nine Southern 
states. In the South, liberal politicians 
are as enthusiastic for the hangman's 
noose as are their conservative oppo- 
nents. Remember when Clinton 
rushed home from campaigning in the 
New Hampshire primary to preside over 
the execution of Rickey Ray Rector? 

Ann Richards, the former Democratic 
governor of Texas and the darling of lib- 
erals, campaigned as being even more 
thrilled than her Republican opponent 
by the prospect of ordering executions. 
If O.J. Simpson were being tried in 
Texas instead of California, he probably 
would have faced a capital charge in- 


opinion By ROBERT SCHEER 


stead of namby-pamby life in prison. 

Not necessarily, though, because even 
in the death belt of the South, the people 
executed are mostly indigent. Prosecu- 
tors don't go after people who have the 
money for an expensive defense. 

The death sentence, as Yale law pro- 
fessor Stephen Bright explains, is “not 
for the worst crime but for the worst 
lawyer.” Ina recent Yale Law Journal arti- 
cle, Bright documents many capital cases 
in which the lawyers were so drunk that 
they could barely remember the names 
of their clients, let alone the facts of the 
cases. No problem. In many of those cas- 
es, the clients’ mental capacities were so 
diminished that they were unlikely to 
complain about poor representation. 

‘As opposed to the voluminous records 
compiled in the Simpson and Menendez 
cases, the records in most death penalty 
cases are often less than two inches thick. 
There are no private investigators to 
challenge the claims of the police, and 
psychiatrists are not readily available to 
develop theories of prior abuse. There is 
little of the brilliant courtroom cross-ex- 
amination that viewers of Court TV have 
come to expect from American jurispru- 
dence. Picture instead a desultory ru- 
ral courthouse in which an intemperate 
judge and a politically ambitious prose- 
cutor are virtually unchallenged in rail- 
roading a prisoner to death row. 

But you can't blame the often hapless 
court-assigned lawyers for shoddy work. 
In most of the death belt states, less 
money is allocated for an indigent's de- 
fense in a capital case than Simpson's 
lawyers spend on dinner. In some rural 
areas in Texas, court-appointed lawyers 
with capital cases receive no more than 
$800 to prepare their entire defense. As 
Bright notes, “In some jurisdictions, the 
hourly rates in capital cases may be be- 
low the minimum wage.” 

Naturally, the states with the poorest- 
paid lawyers have the highest execution 
rates. Texas, for example, leads the na- 
tion in executions, Another big execu- 
tioner is Alabama, where lawyers are 
paid $20 an hour for out-of-court time 
with a limit of $2000 for a case. 

In Mississippi, lawyers appointed to 
handle death penalty cases are paid an 
average of $11.75 an hour. In Kentucky, 
the cap is $2500 of public funds for a 


capital crime defense. But even in 
Philadelphia, the cradle of our democra- 
cy, the average is $6399 in public funds. 
In the Simpson trial the defense is 
spending upwards of $30,000 a day. 
Even an indigent prisoner in Los Ange- 
les can be allotted a maximum of 
$200,000 for his defense. 

"That's just the beginning of the ex- 
pense calculation, which has to include. 
the costs of the prosecutor, security, the 
appeals process and the extra cost of in- 
carceration on death row. A Duke Uni- 
versity study concluded that in North 
Carolina, imposing a capital conviction 
ends up costing twice as much as impos- 
ing a sentence of 20 years to life. The ex- 
tra cost per prisoner executed was more 
than $2 million. 

Not only is the imposition of the death 
penalty costly, itis also slow. The average 
time between sentencing and execution 
is almost eight years. Those convicted of 
capital offenses have a constitutional 
right to appeal the judgment and to 
question the competency of their legal 
defense. Almost half of these petitions 
result in overturned convictions or re- 
versals of the death sentence. 

But to hell with the cost and the time. 
If the murder rate goes down, who 
cares? The problem is, it doesn't go 
down. According to the FBI, the states 
that permit executions have twice the 
murder rates of those without the death 
penalty. Countries throughout the world 
that shun the death penalty have far low- 
er murder rates than we do. 

That's because capital punishment is 
not about cutting crime—it's about re- 
venge. As opposed to every other West- 
ern country, we impose this penalty, for 
the pure joy of retribution. So let's have 
a national code that matches the penal- 
ty to the crime—no matter the color of 
the victim—and that provides an equal 
amount of money for the defense. 

It is incumbent upon those who be- 
lieve in and enforce the death penalty to 
ensure that it is administered fairly. A ju- 
dicial system that reserves the death 
penalty for poor Southern blacks sends 
the message that if you are wealthy or 
white, you can get away with murder. 


53 


SAVE 


IT FOR THAT SPECIAL OCCASION CALLED NOW. 


TONIGHT 
LET IT BE 
LOWENBRAU 


PLAYBOY INTERVIEW: JOYCELYN ELDERS 


a candid conversation with the outspoken former surgeon general about sex, 
drugs, race, the religious right and what she really said about masturbation 


To conservatives she’s “warped,” “dan- 
gerous” and “lunatic.” To her supporters 
she’s “noble,” “heroic” and “gutsy.” And to 
several thousand grateful parents in Little 
Rock she’s simply “Doc.” But there’s one 
thing M. Joycelyn Elders, M D. is not: the 
surgeon general of the U.S. Not anymore, at 
least. Not since she had the nerve to suggest 
that schools teach about masturbation as 
part of their sex education programs. And 
she said it out loud at the UN, no less. 

As it turns out, the actual words were less 
dramatic than the hysteria they ultimately 
wrought: "[Masturbation] is a part of hu- 
man sexuality, and it’s a part of something 
that perhaps should be taught,” she told a 
gathering at the World AIDS Day confer- 
ence at the United Nations last December. 
“But we have not even taught our children 
the basics. And I feel that we have tried ig- 
norance for a long time and it’s time we try 
education.” 

That's all it took: Eight days later, and 
amid extensive media coverage, Elders hand- 
ed in her resignation—the latest casualty of 
a faltering Clinton administration, another 
professional who had unknowingly stepped 
over the blurry line of political propriety to 
find herself out of a job. 

But in Elders’ case, if the final straw 
hadn't been a remark on masturbation, it 


“Uf the religious right were really serious, it 
would be fighting for contraceptives, right? 
If these people really cared, they would be 
fighting for health education to prevent un- 
planned pregnancies. But they aren't." 


might easily have been something else. In 
more than a decade in public life, Elders has 
earned her reputation as a walking, talking, 
blunt instrument. She has tweaked abortion 
opponents who “love little babies as long as 
they're in somebody else's uterus,” telling 
them to “get over your love affair with the fe- 
tus.” She has chided a “celibate and male- 
dominated” Catholic church for opposing 
women’s reproductive rights. She habitually 
makes reference to a “religious non-Chris- 
tian right.” And she has urged gay men and 
women to take on the people “selling out our 
children in the name of religion.” 

And, of course, in her brief but controver- 
sial stint as surgeon general, she ignited a 
firestorm by proposing that America study 
the effects of decriminalizing drugs. If, by 
conservatives’ standards, that wasn't outra- 
geous enough, barely two weeks later her 28- 
year-old son, Kevin, was arrested for selling 
an eighth of an ounce of cocaine five months 
earlier, embarrassing the administration 
and undermining any serious consideration 
of Elders’ drug plan 

With the masturbation incident, the White 
House called it a day. 

In the wake of her forced exit (“If she had 
not resigned, she would have been terminat- 
ed,” White House Chief of Staff Leon Panet- 
ta told reporters), media commentary ran to 


“We weren't talking about teaching the how- 
to. We were just talking about teaching 
against the lies—that self-stimulation won't 
cause you harm. We grow up with these 
taboos. I say: Teach children the facts.” 


the predictable extremes: Some claimed the 
former surgeon general was a troublemaking 
loudmouth and that it was about time she got 
the ax; others praised her for her honesty and 
vilified the administration for its cowardice, 
concluding that the good doctor was better 
off back home in Arkansas, far from the 
hypocrisy of Washington 

Yet many voices weighed in with a more 
balanced opinion. In its editorial verdict on 
the matter, “The New York Times” agreed 
that Elders was а fearless and honest profes- 
sional with forward-thinking ideas. Yet, 
these were rocky times for the Clinton admin- 
istration, the editorial noted, and despite El- 
ders’ good intentions, she had torpedoed her- 
self with her inability 


“[the masturbation comment] might be de- 
fended. As politics, it was a reckless act of in- 
difference to Mr. Clinton's fortunes. . . . This 
ıs not a White House that can be passing out 
ammunition to ils critics.” 

The hot seat in the nation's capital is a 
long way from the dirt-poor town of Schaal, 
Arkansas, where Elders entered the world 61 
years ago as Minnie Jones. Barely a wide 
spot on a dusty Arkansas road (“population 
99, 98 when I'm away"), Schaal was home 
to sharecroppers such as the Jones family, a 
place where such conveniences as indoor 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY ICHOORE 
“Pm concerned about what's happening to 
young black men. They're either in jail or in 
the graveyards. They're into drugs or they're 
being Killed by guns. If I knew what to do, 
I'd be out there trying to make it happen.” 


55 


PEAY BOY 


56 


plumbing were rare. The eldest of eight chil- 
dren, Minnie spent her childhood helping 
her mother raise seven siblings. She also 
picked and chopped cotton, baled hay, 
stripped corn and stretched raccoon skins 
with her father, who would then sell them to 
Sears for grocery money. 

Along the way, she chose a new name for 
herself: Joycelyn, taken from the wrapper of 
a favorite peppermint candy. At 15, she won 
a church scholarship to Philander Smith 
College in Little Rock, and for the first time, 
the future surgeon general visited a doctor. 

While in college, Joycelyn worked as a 
maid (“Scrubbing floors is a whole lot easi- 
er than picking cotton”), and eventually 
crossed paths with a black woman who was 
attending medical school. Inspired, she de- 
cided she could do the same. She graduated 
and enlisted in the Army, where she became a 
first lieutenant and trained to be a physical 
therapist. She enrolled at the University of 
Arkansas Medical School on the GI Bill as 
one of three black students—and the only 
black woman—in her class. It was there that 
she met and married Oliver Elders, now her 
husband of 35 years. 

For Joycelyn Elders, medical school began 
a dizzying rise through the ranks of academ- 
ic medicine: an internship and residency in 
pediatrics, a postdoctoral fellowship, a mas- 
ter's degree in biochemistry and a series of 
increasingly lofty educational positions. Ul- 
timately, Elders became a full professor of 
medicine, teaching pediatric endocrinology. 
She was also recognized as a national au- 
thority on juvenile diabetes and author of 
some 150 scientific articles, 

It was in 1987 that Eiders’ talent drew the 
attention of an ambitious young governor 
who hailed from a place 30 miles from 
Schaal, a place, as he would often remind us 
later, called Hope. But no sooner had Bill 
Clinton named Elders as director of health 
for the state of Arkansas than she began rais- 
ing eyebrows: As the governor announced 
her appointment to the press—Elders stand- 
ing by his side—a reporter asked her if she 
planned to provide condoms to Arkansas stu- 
dents. “Well, we won't be putting them on 
their lunch trays,” the new director of health 
piped up, “but yes.” The governor cringed, 
turned red, gulped several times—then 
gamely stood by his choice. The public Dr. 
Elders—corrupier of youth, scourge of the 
right—was born. 

In her new post, Elders was impressively 
effective. She fought for and won a national- 
ly renowned network of school-based clinics 
and improved prenatal care and childhood 
immunization programs in Arkansas. She 
barnstormed across the state, touting such 
commonsense public health initiatives as 
AIDS education, condom availability and 
age-appropriate sex education, Not surpris- 
ingly, abortion foes branded her a “mass 
murderer” and the “director of the Arkansas 
holocaust.” But they soon learned that ЕЕ 
ders (a) does not respond well to being bul- 
lied and (b) gives as good as she gels. 

In 1993, when Bill Clinton moved to the 
White House, he brought his favorite health 


specialist with him. His appointment of El- 
ders as surgeon general prompled a bruis- 
ing confirmation fight, but once again, the 
plainspolen Elders prevailed: The Senate 
confirmed her by a vote of 65 to 34. 

Then came her turbulent 15-month run as 
surgeon general, the ill-fated day at the UN 
and her one-way ticket back to Little Rock, 
where she resides today with Oliver (now a 
retired basketball coach), working as profes- 
sor of pediatric endocrinology at Arkansas 
Children’s Hospital. 

Behind the public storms, the years have 
brought a more private adversity to the El- 
ders family, She lost a brother and a foster 
daughter in separate murders. But through 
it all, Elders has kept her focus on her one 
true obsession: the children. Her own, her 
patients’, her nation’s. Perhaps it’s her more 
than three decades spent in the company of 
small children and elected officials that have 
taught her to reduce big ideas to simple 
words. Take her logical view of sex educa- 
tion: "If we teach kids what to do in the front 
seat,” she says, “we should teach them what 
to do in the backseat, as well.” 

Such homespun homilies are a bracing 
antidote to the hard-core policyspeak in the 


Face it: If I had been 
saying everything they 
wanted to hear, nobody 

would know who the 


surgeon general was. 


nation’s capital. To capture more of that, we 
sent New York journalist David Nimmons, 
whose most recent “Playboy Interview" was 
with outspoken AIDS activist Larry Kramer, 
to Arkansas. Here’s Nimmons’ report: 

“I arrived at an utterly humble clapboard 
house off a freeway in a black neighborhood 
of Little Rock shortly after daum. I knocked 
at the door, curious as to what a fire-breath- 
ing, destroyer-of-family-values radical actu- 
ally looks like. I was met by a short woman 
wearing a friendly smile and reminding you 
for all the world of your favorite grandmoth- 
er. That is, if your grandmother were Harri- 
et Tubman and held a half-dozen advanced 
medical degrees. 

“It took about 30 seconds to figure out 
that Joycelyn Elders is titanium wrapped in 
layers of easy Arkansas charm. She manages 
to be at once funny, warm, unpretentious 
and totally in command. In one breath, she 
offers me honey buns (‘I like mine heated just 
а minute in the microwave’) and lets те 
know that I'd better get started, or ‘our chat 
may not last as long as you think it will." 

“Our interview began at her dining room 
table at 7:00 а.м. and continued in the car 
on the way to her midday speech at the local 


Kiwanis Club. Then she headed to the Chil- 
dren’s Hospital, where she spent the rest of 
the day reviewing charts, seeing patients and 
teaching. Everywhere we went, people recog- 
nized her and smiled, welcoming her bach to 
Arkansas. She knew many of the well-wish- 
ers by name, and an amazing number of 
them thanked her for having helped their 
children. 

“Throughout our talks, Elders was enor- 
mously likable and disarmingly open. Her 
words, by turus scalding and introspective, 
came laced with a razor-sharp sense of hu- 
mor. Beneath it all, she radiates a supreme 
self-confidence. I am reminded of the best de- 
scription of—and highest compliment paid 
to—Dr, Elders, unwittingly made by arch- 
conservative congressman Robert Dornan 
on the House floor: ‘It seems she tells the 
truth on anything and everything. No matter 
what it is, she lets out her feelings 10 the 
detriment of the White House.’ 

“Well, Dornan got it half right. In a polit- 
ical climate that values mendacity over au- 
dacity, it seems the oulspoken Dr. Elders sim- 
ply may have had too much of the right stuff. 


Judge for yourself.” 


PLAYBOY: Last year you were reading the 
medical chart for 250 million Americans. 
Now you're making the rounds in a Lit- 
tle Rock hospital. How does that feel? 
ELDERS: Wonderful. I've enjoyed going to 
the clinic and seeing patients. I've re- 
ceived boxes of letters, and 99 percent of 
them are warm and positive and sup- 
portive. You know, in Washington we 
tracked letters to my office, and they 
were more than 90-to-one positive. 
PLAYBOY: So Americans supported the is- 
sues you were talking about? 

ELDERS: Absolutely. Every study that has 
been done really supports comprehen- 
sive health education programs in our 
schools, from kindergarten through 
twelfth grade. So Гуе not felt in any way 
that I was talking about things we 
shouldn't talk about. Nor do I feel that I 
was not on the same level as the Ameri- 
can people. 

PLAYBOY: If people liked the message and 
the messenger, how did you wind up 
back here? 

ELDERS: Well, just because the American 
people liked the message and the mes- 
senger doesn't necessarily say that our 
politicians were listening to the people. 
There is a strong, solid 30 percent of the 
population to the far right. They're very 
organized and vocal. They write lots and 
lots of letters, and they never stop. 
PLAYBOY: How can you be so sure of your 
opposition? Maybe people simply didn't 
like what you had to say. 

ELDERS: You have to organize to get peo- 
ple to respond. [My opponents] would 
advertise—with big advertisements—in 
their churches. I saw their bulle 
They would send negative advertise- 
ments about me to schools and groups, 
telling people that ifthey wanted to stop 
this they had to send money. There were 


Ordinary Couples, 
tour int е 


and bedi real couples vi 

Dr Sandra Stn rara rom rocio 

apply what these couples have leamed to your own relationship. 
CE. Recapture The Thrill. Hear each lovi pues son 


in their own words. Watch them explicitly SEI TAL. 
ES SE their sexuality to new heights. 


Order today and sex will never be 
ordinary again. 


| (C VOLUME 1: OISCOVERING EXTRAORDINARY SEX (#1050) 73 MIN. 528-85 NOW $19.95 { 
4 ГП VOLUME 2: GETTING CREATIVE WITH SEX (41051) 55 MINUTES 529-05 NOW $19.95 
i (СП VOLUME 3: KEEPING SEX EXTRAORDINARY (41052) 72 MINUTES 28-05 NOW $19.95 


CÎ ORAL sex vinto (21057) FREE! 
Å (O BUY ALL THREE TAPES AND SAVE S10 (71053) $49.85 
(ALLTAPESVHSONLY NCORDIRSRLEASE POSTAGE & HANDLING $ 3.00 


DD fer SALES tax EAMON ORDERS AOD 
SSR SAPANG) 
$ 1 TOTAL $ 


CERTIFY THAT IAM OVR AGEZ _ 


STATE, ТР. 
EAE Оск YOUR PAYNE WT 
s Fi BEE Vineo! СТ CHECK OR MONEY ORDER ENCLOSED FOR з 
R 


CI visa C mASTERCARO exp. DATE. 


j CARO NO. 


— Regularly $29.95. each, 
NOW ONLY $19.95! | RR RENE gra umen > 
EOM 


a it LM RUM 3 
"Dur plain packaging protects your privacy. HE y 


PLAYBOY’S 
1995 PLAYMATE OF THE YEAR 


Video Centerfold 


First, she dazzled readers as Playboy’s February 


1994 centerfold. Then, she became TV’s newest 
knockout on “The Price Is Right!” And this irre- 


sistible Playmate appeared in Playboy’s February 
1995 issue for her second Playboy pictorial. Now, 
as the 1995 Playmate of the Year, Julie Cialini 
stars in a sizzling new video that shows you 


exactly why she received this year’s top honor. 


Join Julie for a series of provocative vignettes 
that makes the most of her leggy good looks 

and sultry sex appeal. Through erotic fantasy 
sequences, you'll be treated to а revealing 


199 


Item #ZD1731V 


look at this rising star who shines whenever 
she’s in front of the camera. 
Approx. 50 min. Item #ZD1731V. 


Also available... 
Playboy Video Centerfold 
Jenny McCarthy 
Join 1994 Playmate of the Year Jenny 
McCarthy for a blistering encounter in the 
- desert heat, as the sexiest student body in 
d much more. Approx. 50 min. 
$19.95 
28LD Laser $34.99 


Use your credit card and be sure to include your account number and 

expiration date. Or enclose a check or money order payable to Playboy. 
Mail to PI PO. Box 509. Dept. 59073, Itasca, Illinois 60143-0809. 

"These is a $4.00 shipping and handling change per total order. Mis 


include 675% sales tax. Canadian residents please include an ade 
per item: Sorex. no other foreign orders or currency accept 


LSO AVAILABLE AT YOUR LOCAL VIDEO AND MUSIC STORES. ста 


money-raising gimmicks. 

PLAYBOY: You were raised a Methodist, 
went to a Methodist school and your 
brother is a minister. Yet you were 
hounded out of office by conservative 
Christian attacks. How do you make 
sense of that? 

ELDERS: Well, see, I never call those peo- 
ple Christians. I call them the very reli- 
gious non-Christian right. They are not 
the Christians I know about. They are 
the Jerry Falwell-Pat Robertson Chris- 
tians. They pay homage to religious 
economists. 

PLAYBOY; To religious—— 

ELDERS: Economists. People who use reli- 
gion to get money from people who 
don't know better. [Laughs] 

PLAYBOY: Who are 
you talking about 
specifically? 

ELDERS: The funda- 
mentalist, exclusive 
people who want to 
make choices for 
everybody else, who 
want everybody to be 
like them, who put 
themselves on God's 
judgment seat. Well, 
first of all, I don't feel 
they know enough. 
I dont feel they're 
good enough. And I 
don’t feel they love 
enough. 

PLAYBOY: They'd re- 
spond to that by say- 
ing they are just 
God-fearing Chris- 
tians who exercise 
their constitutional 
rights. 

ELDERS: It’s nice to 
say that, but where 
was the church dur- 
ing the Holocaust? 
Where was the 
church when the In- 
dians were sent off to 
reservations? Where 
was the church when 
black men were held 


ESCORT 


all of us with all of our faults. They try to 
make the church, if you will, a hospital 
for the sinners rather than a haven for 
the people who feel they're saints. 
PLAYBOY: What is the so-called non- 
Christian right's vision for America? 
ELDERS: To be a dittohead. They're ditto- 
heads. Their parents tell them what they 
should think, what they should believe, 
whom they should exclude, whom they 
should attack. They write one letter and 
reproduce it a million times so the presi- 
dent gets a million letters against me. 
They're very well organized and a pow- 
erful force. I now understand a lot better 
how Hitler became so powerful. 
PLAYBOY: Do you see parallels between 
the religious right and the fascist right? 


ine a group organized well enough to 
have somebody picketing everywhere I 
spoke, all over this country? Even when 
I gave two or three speeches a day? The 
only way they got media attention was to 
carry signs and protest against me. 
PLAYBOY: But why were you their target 
in the first place? 

ELDERS: I was only a part of their target. 
They're really after the presidency, OK? 
It just happened that I was a target they 
could use to raise money for their reli- 
gious economists. Face it: If had been 
up there saying everything they wanted 
to hear, nobody would know who the 
surgeon general was. So, obviously, the 
things I was saying must have gotten to 
them. Otherwise, there would have been 
no reason to target 


‚soon so don't delay! 

SoLo 4 

* World's first battery-powered 
radar/laser detector offers 
superior travel convenience. 

+ Complete portability makes Solo 4 


PASSPORT 4500 SUPERWIDE 


* Patented anti-falsing circuitry 
maximizes true alert ratio. 

* Has the same patented anti. 
falsing system as our more 
expensive models. 


For a limited time, you can buy the best radar/laser 
deteciors made today at unbeatable prices. Offer ends 


perfect for trips or when using rental cars. 


» DSP technology provides long range detection 
of every type of radar plus full Laser coverage. 


Regular Price:-$ Sale Price: $229 


* DSP technology provides long range detection of every 
type of traffic radar plus full laser coverage 


Regular Price: SH Sale Price: $149 


me. I'm a nobody. 
PLAYBOY: You bring to 
mind another contro- 
versial surgeon gen- 
eral. You and Dr. C. 
Everett Koop both 
have a bluntness peo- 
ple admire. Where 
did your outspoken 
streak come from? 
ELDERS: Probably my 
grandma Minnie, 
who I was named for. 
She always said 
you're supposed to be 
honest and tell the 
truth. And if you see 
something that’s not 
right, you’re sup- 
posed to say some- 
thing about it. 
PLAYBOY: Some might 
suppose that the 
daughter of an 
African American 
sharecropper grow- 
ing up in rural 
Arkansas in the For- 


P Department 500765 
5200 Fields-Ertel Road 
Cincinnati, Ohio 45249 


1-800-433-3487 
Open 24 bours a day. 7 days a week 
Shipping & handling is extra. Ohio residents add 6% sales tax. 
(No other discounts apply; offer good on new orders only.) 
SATISFACTION GUARANTEED 
If you're not 100% satisfied, return your purchase within 


ties would have been 
told to clam up and 
keep her head low 
just to get by. Obvi- 


ESCORT. 


30 days for a refund - no questions asked. 


ously, you weren't. 
ELDERS: Our black 


in slavery for 200 
years? You know, those God-fearing 
Christians we're talking about were of- 
ten the leaders of those kinds of efforts 
ard initiatives. 

I am very involved with the church 
and I support it. But there's an awful lot 
of difference between being religious 
and being Christian. 

PLAYBOY: Explain the difference. 

ELDERS: To me, Christianity is the way we 
act, what we do. Religion is something 
we kind of belong to, like a frat. Yet there 
are religions that are so exclusive—they 
exclude gays and lesbians, minorities, 
single mothers. They exclude people if 
they don't do certain things and act a 
certain way. Real Christianity—real, true 
churches—are inclusive. They include 


ELDERS: Yes, I do. If you get large groups 
of people—and they almost have 
enough—you really take control. 
PLAYBOY: In what ways did the religious 
right target you? 

ELDERS: ‘They put out letters. They held 
seminars. They educated people on how 
to think, what to say, how to disrupt 
meetings. It got to the point where I 
knew who they were at the meetings just 
by the way they asked me questions. 
They all asked the same question in the 
same way. They had no idea what they 
were asking, and if you followed it up, 
they didn’t know what the next question 
should be. They were everywhere I 
went—and I made 308 speeches the first 
year as surgeon general. Can you imag- 


teachers instilled in 
us that we were somebody and we could 
make it. We may not have gotten as 
much reading, writing and arithmetic, 
but we were taught a lot about how to be 
decent human beings. They taught me 
that I had to have an education—and I 
had to be better than you—to get even 
near the same level as you. They taught 
me not to become upset if an opportuni- 
ty came up and I didn't get it because I 
was black, even if I knew I was the best 
person. They told us, "Don't be upset” 
doesn't mean ‘don't keep trying.’ Be the 
best you can be.” It was almost a ritual. 

I was always taught to be honest and 
truthful. I believed Dr. Martin Luther 
King Jr. when he said, “The day we see 
the truth and refuse to speak itis the day 


59 


PLAYBOY 


RUSS MEYER ON CD!..? 


Order By Mail 
Use your credit card and be sure to include your 
account number and expiration date. Or enclose a 
check or money order payable to Playboy. Mail to: 


Collectors’ Choice Music, 
РО. Box 809, Dept. 50076, 
Itasca, Illinois 60143-0809. 


Collectors’ cheite 
MUSIC 


Each of these rare German imports boasts three 
soundtracks from filmmaking icon (and icono- 
cast) Russ Meyer, complete with music, mirth 
and mayhem taken from the original scores! 
And the "measurements" of these beauties are 
equally enticing. Each CD comes with a 28- 
page booklet containing complete credits 
for each film, publicity stills and candid 
shots from film shoots, many of them 
photographed with Russ’ unique eye for, 
er, protuberance! Nobody makes films 
like Russ Meyer...nobody puts out 
soundtracks like these, either! 


Russ Meyer’s Original Motion Picture 
Soundtracks: 
Lorna/Vixen/Faster Pussycat! Kill! Kill! 
APRMF00082 CD $24.95 
Russ Meyer's Original Motion Ficture 
Soundtracks: 
Up! Megavixens/Beneath the Valley of the 
Ultravixens/Super Vixens 
АРКМЕ00092 CD $24.95 


Order Toll-Free 
1-800-923-1122 


Charge to your Visa, MasterCard, Optima, American 
Express or Discover. Most orders shipped within 48 
hours. (Source ende: 50076) 


‘There is a 54.50 shipping and handling charge per total 


order. Mincis residents include 6.75% sales lax. Canadian 


residents please include an additional 55.00 per CD. Sorry, 
no other foreign orders or currency accepted. 


we begin to die.” 
PLAYBOY: As surgeon general, you cer- 
tainly spoke out. Why do you think Pres- 
ident Clinton chose you? 
ELDERS: He wanted the message that I 
was putting out. He thought the country 
wanted that change. He thought Ameri- 
ca was ready to move forward with edu- 
cating its children, educating its рео- 
plc—to really talk openly and honestly 
about sex. To stop the spread of AIDS. 
то reduce teenage pregnancy. The pres- 
ident thought the country was ready for 
that message. 
PLAYBOY: Was he right? 
ELDERS: I think the country is ready. But 
what we hadn't planned on was the Rush 
Limbaughs and the dittoheads. 

Listen, he’s probably the best commu- 
nicator in America. 
PLAYBOY: Rush Limbaugh? 
ELDERS: Yeah. I may not like what he says, 
but he sells. He uses technology in a way 
that's believable. And that's an art form. 
PLAYBOY: When you took the job, did you 
think your political role might conflict 
with your outspokenness? 
ELDERS: No. I'd never had a problem 
when the president was governor, so I 
didn’t really foresee it being a problem 
in Washington. 
PLAYBOY: Some suggest that your role 
was to say things the president couldn't— 
or wouldn't—say. Do you agree? 
ELDERS: That wasn’t my role at all. The 
president wanted and expected me to 
speak out about the things we needed to 
do to improve the health of America. He 
is very committed to that. But when he 
began to feel that America wasn't ready 
for that—and he knew that I was proba- 
bly not going to change—well, then he 
needed to change surgeon generals. 
PLAYBOY: But if President Clinton wasn't 
comfortable with your message, why did 
he appoint you? And if he was comfort- 
able with it, why did he fire you? 


123-9494 ELDERS: He was comfortable with my 
ER TOLL-FREE 1800 a, message when he appointed me. But a 
op ORDER TOLLE, Mud. :1 ETE ne 
Charge to YOU NIS Discover. Most order lot of things were changing in Washing: 
american EXDTESS Å e Ask for item ton after the November election. When 
shipped EEE: bo you see something going in a certain di- 
TE BOO U tse you ое сий a8 e rection, you'd be a fool not to respond. 
ORDER å PLAYBOY: The president has known you 
to include. money 


for more than 15 years. In a relative- 
ly short 15 months, what could have 
changed so Кш, 
ELDERS: Being the president, he may not 
have eset to do things the way I was 
out there talking about doing them. And 
there's nothing wrong with that. 
PLAYBOY. You dor't think that reflected 
his belief—or lack of belief—in your 
stands or principles? 

ELDERS: It doesn’t necessarily matter 
what somebody believes inside. What 
matters is that you make the correct de- 
cision based on good, sound principles 
and do what's right for the country. 
PLAYBOY: Was letting you go right for the 
country? 

ELDERS: It was his version of what was 


tingere. P. 


P5000) 
bra ge special oode REFS 


© 1995 Playboy 


right for the country. Again, he has that 
right. That's why he's president, so he 
can say and do what he feels is right for 
the country. 

PLAYBOY: Even if that means killing the 
messenger? 

ELDERS: If that means Joycelyn Elders has 
to leave, that’s what he has to do. To me, 
that's a good leader. I've always felt that 
business is business. 

PLAYBOY: At this moment, President Clin- 
ton's choice to replace you, Dr. Henry 
Foster, is having a pretty rough precon- 
firmation fight of his own. What do you 
make of that? 

ELDERS: Well, he's going through holy 
hell right now. But he's been a wonder- 
ful physician—a real beacon for the poor 
and powerless—and 1 think he’s an ex- 
cellent choice for surgeon general. 
PLAYBOY: By the time this interview is 
published, his confirmation could be un- 
der way. If you were a betting woman— 
are you a betting woman? 

ELDERS: [Laughs] Oh, I've bet on some 
things in my life. 

PLAYBOY: What kind of odds would you 
give Dr. Foster on his confirmation? 
ELDERS: I feel that he will be confirmed. 
And if he isn’t, the women of this coun- 
try should stand up and make politicians 
pay in the worst way: by sending them 
back home. 

PLAYBOY: What do you make of the alle- 
gations that the issue isn't about Foster 
performing abortions in his career; it's 
the fact that the number of those abor- 
tions keeps growing, implying that the 
administration is once again dealing in 
half-truths? 

ELDERS: But it is about the abortions. It's 
about the politicizing of women’s health. 
And we can no longer allow politicians to 
use our uteruses that way. 

PLAYBOY: And what of the charges that 
Foster was aware of the Tuskegee exper- 
iment in which black patients were per- 
mitted to suffer untreated from syphilis 
as part of medical research? 

ELDERS: Impossible. The Tuskegee ex- 
periment started in 1932, before Dr. Fos- 
ter was even born. He had nothing to do 
with those experiments. We all know 
they were unacceptable and horrible, 
but to lay the blame on Dr. Foster is the 
most ridiculous thing Гуе ever heard. 
PLAYBOY: But, hypothetically, what if it 
turns up that he did know about —— 
ELDERS: Then that information would be 
wrong, you know. He just couldn't be a 
part of it. 

PLAYBOY: OK, then let's not put this on 
Foster specifically. Do you think anybody 
who was involved in the Tuskegee ex- 
periment should be allowed to be sur- 
geon general? 

ELDERS: Listen, I’ve always said that you 
can never use a single-issue position to 
make global policy. Anytime you start 
doing that, you're going to make bad 
mistakes. 

PLAYBOY: Do you talk with Dr. Foster? 


Just surfaced. 


A fresh new vodka is emerging every- 

where. SKYY Vodka has a unique four-column 
distillation & three-step filtration process which 
ensures exceptional qui 
clean taste. So next time you visit your local dive, 
submerge yourself in the smooth taste of SKYY; 
the Ultra Premium choice, 


SKYY VODKA 


The Intelligent Drink. 


and an unmistakably 


Try а BlueSKYY Martini, made with SKYY Vodka, a splash of Blue Curacao and a twist of orange. 
DISTILLED IN AMERICA FROM AMERICAN GRAIN 


лок СУП. (80 PROOF) 1004 GRAM NEUTRAL SPIM 


©1998 бит SPIRITS, NC. SAN FRANUSCO, CA. М RESPONSIBLE DONT DIN AND OLIVE 


PLAYBOY 


62 


ELDERS: Sure. I spoke with him just last 
week. 

PLAYBOY: You're friends? 

ELDERS: Yes. We went to medical school 
together. He was ahead of me. He and 
my husband played together on the foot- 
ball team. 

PLAYBOY: If you could give him one piece 
of advice right now, what would it be? 
ELDERS: I'd tell him to be himself. That's 
more than good enough to become the 
surgeon general. 

PLAYBOY: Let's return to you. What was 
your proudest accomplishment as sur- 
geon general? 

ELDERS: Increasing Americans' awareness 
of what is going on with adolescents. I 
was very pleased with being able to ac- 
tively and openly talk about AIDS and 
condoms. I increased the focus on the 
problem of teen pregnancy. And, yes, 
Americans probably talked more about 
masturbation than they ever did in the 
history of the county. 

PLAYBOY: OK, here's your chance to turn 
history back and tell America exactly 
what you meant last December at the 
United Nations. Do you think encourag- 
ing masturbation — 

ELDERS: Listen, I don't think that any- 
body is really talking about encouraging 
masturbation. 

PLAYBOY: OK then, what were you think- 
ing when you suggested that masturba- 
tion be taught? 


ELDERS: We weren't talking about teach- 
ing the how-to. We were just talking 
about teaching against the lies—that if 
you are doing self-stimulation, it should 
be done in private and it won't cause you 
harm. This was at the UN, with a lot of 
African countries whose HIV rates are, 
in some places, 50 percent and who 
are talking about alternative methods of 
sexual release to prevent the spread 
of AIDS. 

PLAYBOY: ‘Then since you're not surgeon 
general anymore, tell us: What's the one 
thing every American male knows about 
masturbation and isn't saying? 

ELDERS: Studies have shown, | think, that 
90 percent of the people know mastur- 
bation happens and they do it. But they 
will never admit it—in private, maybe, 
but not in public. 

PLAYBOY: So you're saying, basically, ev- 
erybody masturbates. 

ELDERS: Well, that’s what the studies say: 
70-plus percent of females and 90 per- 
cent of males. 

PLAYBOY: Even Newt Gingrich? 

ELDERS: Well, they do say 90 percent—he 
might be in the other ten percent. 
[Laughs] 

PLAYBOY: Do some people actually believe 
that if they don’t talk about masturba- 
tion, teenagers won't do it? 

ELDERS: I don't think people are that 
naive. We've been taught for a long time 
that you'll go blind, you'll go crazy. Or 


hair will grow on your hands. We've 
been taught all these things. We grow up 
with these taboos and they're hard to get 
rid of. I say: Teach children the facts and 
not the lies we've been espousing. Teach 
them openly and honestly. 

PLAYBOY: Dr. Spock recommended that 
parents openly discuss masturbation 
with their kids, and during the Reagan 
years, Surgeon General Koop advocated 
using condoms. Why can they talk about 
these things, and you can't? 

ELDERS: I think this was about far more 
than masturbation. This was just anoth- 
er tool that the religious right put in its 
arsenal to help destroy Joycelyn Elders. 
You know, it probably would have gotten 
down to this sooner or later. 

PLAYBOY: So the issue here is something 
bigger than masturbation? 

ELDERS: Yes. Yes. I hope so. Please. Let's 
get real. 

PLAYBOY: The media reported that you 
had been given at least three warnings at 
various times, including one by White 
House Chief of Staff Leon Panetta. 
ELDERS: I never talked with Mr. Panetta 
but once in my life: when he called and 
asked me to resign. There was this idea 
that I had been taken to the woodshed 
and been warned. But he never talked 
with me. 

PLAYBOY: Had others? 

ELDERS: Donna Shalala talked with me 
the December before, when I said we 


We Get a Goo 


d Return on Our Investment. 


The Nature Conservancy takes a business 
approach го protecting our natural world. 
Through creative techniques like debt-for- 
nature swaps, we are saving millions of acres 
of Latin American rainforest. Each day in 
the U.S. we invest in over 1,000 additional 
acres of habitat for rare plants and animals. 


NT i 


Consérvancy 


On these protected acres big horn sheep 
return to breed. Trout and salmon return to 
unpolluted streams to spawn. Waterfowl re- 
turn from their migrations to nest and fledge 
their young. Join us, and make an invest- 
ment in our natural heritage. Future return: 
isn’t that what investment is all about? 


Conservation Through Private Action 


For more information, call toll-free 1-800-628-6860. 
(or write The Nature Conservancy, Box PSA, 1815 N. Lynn Street, Arlington, VA 22209) 


Offices 


Coast to Coast 


by William R. Rassman, M.D. 


The old "pluggy" look associated with hair 
transplantation is a thing of the past. But you wouldn't 
know it from what some doctors are still doing these days. 
They seem to be stuck in a time warp with “old” techniques 
that have not changed since the invention of hair 
transplantation in 1960. 

But progress is inevitable... hair 
transplantation has improved despite the 
practices of the “old guard.” In the Fall of 1994, 
I had the opportunity to speak before 850 
specialists from all over the world at the second 
annual conference for The International Society 
of Hair Restoration Surgery. The focus of my 
presentation was how, at the New Hair Institute, we can now 
move large amounts of one, two, and three hair grafts, often 
enough to complete a hair restoration in a single session. 

The results are so natural that even 
a hair stylist may not be able to detect 
that a hair restoration was performed 
Men and women who do their research 
will see that they don’t have to settle 
for the “pluggy” look any longer. 

At the fall meeting I presented two 
patients, first through their pictures, 
and then in person. Doctors have learned that photographs 
often show what the photographer wants. The “after” 
photographs were criticized from a qualitative point of view 
by a prominent photographer and critic in the audience. 
When I offered him the opportunity to view the patients in 
person, the audience rolled out with a round of applause. 
My purpose was to show that such results are real and not a 
trick of the camera. 

The patient in the photographs above received our 
Fast-Track*" technique and had all of his work done in just 
one session of 1745 grafts. 
The larger picture was taken 7 
months after his procedure. 
What a dramatic difference one 
session can make! The Fast- 
Tracks" is clearly a common 
sense approach whose time has 
come. 

Hair transplants with one, 
two, or three hair grafts are 
natural-looking because this is 
the way your hair naturally 
grows. The Fast-Tracksm, 
pioneered by our medical 


William Rassman, M.D. 
Founder, New Hair Institute 
using his patented 
Hair Densitometer 


Making 
Informed 
AMS Choices About 


Hair Transplants 


“A person may start 
and complete a hair 
restoration in just ONE асе grafts are used. Transplanting 
Session.” 


Patient PH before and 7 months after 1 
session of 1745 grafts 


group, addresses not only the visual aesthetics but also 
the time commitment of each patient. The old concept 
of moving 60-80 grafts at a time, where patients will 
be а “work in process” for years, should be put behind 
us. Today, we do as many as 3900 grafts in a single 
session. A hair restoration of this size 
would involve up to 40 surgeries using 
the old techniques. 

Quality must not be compromised 
when transplanting hair, so only small, 


such small grafts is a meticulous, 
exacting, and time consuming process. 
It requires an enormous number of highly trained and 
dedicated people. We standardize every step from 
physician training to internally developed instrumentation. 
Our singular focus is that quality must not be compromised. 

Today, we're at the threshold of major change. While 
there are still plenty of old-fashioned practitioners caught 
in the quagmire of "pluggy" hair transplantation 
techniques, there are definite signs that permanent 
advances are on the way, all for the better. Hair 
transplantation has finally become as reliable as other 
forms of plastic surgery. 


The New Hair Institute (NHI) has offices coast to 
coast. We conduct free seminars across the country where 
interested people can meet our patients and judge our 
quality for themselves. 


Call 1-800-NEW-HAIR for more 


free information. All callers will 


receive three instructive books and 
our informative video. 


PLAYBOY 


men like being in control. They like the 
power, and as long as they keep every- 
body submerged, they will be in power. 
PLAYBOY: Are white men different from 
anybody else in that way? 

ELDERS: Probably not, except that they 
have the power, and the rest of us are 
trying to get a piece of it. 

PLAYBOY: Over the past few years we've 
learned some sobering lessons about 
black women and power. Do you see any 
similarities among you, Lani Guinier 
and Anita Hill? 

ELDERS: Again, it's that need for power. 
The white male structure will fight and 
oppose any female it sees rising in pow- 
er. We're easier targets to knock off. We 
don't have a strong power base. 

PLAYBOY: As women? 

ELDERS: As African Americans first, as 
women second. Maybe some of both. Go 
back through the civil rights movement. 
Every black man—or anybody, for that 
matter—who was trying to speak out 
and move forward, something hap- 
pened to them. All these scare tactics 
were used against them. 

In the old days, many of these people 
rode around and hid behind sheets. We 
called them the Ku Klux Klan. Then, all 
of a sudden, you couldn't really do that 
anymore—it wasn't fashionable. So they 
became the right-to-life movement and 
they hid behind women’s uteruses. Now, 
all of a sudden, they're the Christian 
Coalition. And they're trying to hide 
behind God. You know, it's repulsive 


should study drugs. 

PLAYBOY: So you received one warning? 
ELDERS: Yes. - 
PLAYBOY: Period? That's all? چ‎ 
ELDERS: Donna Shalala and her chief of 
staff talked with me, saying, "We all have 
to be on the same team and be careful 
about what we say.” They said they were 
talking to everybody—but to me first. 
This was after the November election. 
PLAYBOY: So there wasn't a history of 
“Curb your tongue, don't go so far out”? 
ELDERS: No. Maybe they talked, but they 
didn’t talk to те. 

PLAYBOY: Let's talk about Washington. 
What's the one thing you saw there that 
would appall ordinary Americans? 
ELDERS: The way elected officials be- 
have—the bickering and infighting and 
partisan politics. They really aren't con- 
cerned about what's right and good and 
best for the people of America. Their 
concerns are "Get my bill passed” or 
“Get my amendment passed.” It's politi- 
cal posturing. They behave like adoles- 
cent boys. Mostly, our politicians exist 
because people are ignorant and don't 
know what's going on. I'm amazed at 
what we put up with. You can't have a 
democracy and an illiterate society at the 
same time. 

PLAYBOY: Having spent most of your life 
as one of a few black females in a white 
male system, what have you learned? 
ELDERS: It’s all about power. Its not 
about people. It's not about blacks or 
whites. It's not about women. White | 


SURGEON GENERAL'S WARNING: Cigarette 
Smoke Contains Carbon Monoxide. 


to me, because I’ve seen them before. 
"They're the same people. They haven't 
changed. They simply changed what 
they're about. 

PLAYBOY: Are you their worst nightmare? 
ELDERS: Probably. You know, they can't 
stand that I'm not afraid; fear is a pow- 
erful weapon, But that sends a message 
to the rest of us: We've got to organize 
our coalitions and become just as power- 
ful as they arc. 

PLAYBOY: Would things be different if we 
had a Senate full of women? 

ELDERS: Women, for the most part, use 
their power, prestige and position to try 
to make a difference in the lives of peo- 
ple, to make the world a better place. 
Men, on the other hand, look at power 
more in terms of money and control. 
PLAYBOY: So if the scales were tipped in 
the other direction and women were in 
charge, what difference would we see? 
ELDERS: We'd see a great shift in how we 
treat our children. We wouldn't have 
one in four children being poor. We 
would have more early childhood educa- 
tion centers, more good day care, better 
schools. We'd have universal health care, 
Women would consider it most impor- 
tant that we have healthy, educated, mo- 
tivated children with hope. They would 
know that that's the best way to prevent 
violence in our streets, to prevent crime 
and teenage pregnancies. And we would 
get off this big fight over sexuality. 
PLAYBOY: Thousands of Republican wom- 
en might not agree. ‘they would argue 
for a radically different vision of society. 
ELDERS: True, but many of those women 
have learned from Republican men that 
you get in power by making people 
think you're going to get crime off the 
streets and put welfare mothers to work. 
But down through the years in Washing- 
ton, people have said these things and 
nothing has changed. 

PLAYBOY: Let's get your quick opinion on 
a few of the players in Washington, start- 
ing with the most visible woman in the 
cabinet, Attorney General Janet Reno. 
ELDERS: I have an awful lot of respect and 
admiration for Attorney General Reno. 
PLAYBOY: Based on what? 

ELDERS: Based on her outspokenness and 
her programs. She's concerned about 
children, and she's fighting to get the 
right things in place to make a differ- 
ence. She's being fought hard, but she's 
still there, still fighting. 

PLAYBOY: What about Hillary Clinton? 
ELDERS: Hillary is the best facilitator I’ve 
ever known. She can get a group to 
come into a room, really work together 
and arrive at a major decision. I have a 
lot of admiration and respect for Hillary. 
PLAYBOY: Newt Gingrich. 

ELDERS: I think. . . . [Long pause] 

PLAYBOY: Now, don't get political on us. 
ELDERS: No, no, I'm not going to get po- 
litical on you. I'm just trying to decide 
how to say what I want to say. I think 
Newt Gingrich is a very smooth politi- 


cian. His interest is with himself. He's 
not concerned about children or Ameri- 
ca or the people. He's only concerned 
about building him. And he will use any 
means possible to do it. 

PLAYBOY: What is your professional opin- 
ion of his Contract With America? Mira- 
cle cure, placebo or snake oil? 

ELDERS: Snake oil. 

PLAYBOY: What about the specific ideas 
embodied in the contract? 

ELDERS; Most are ideas they are trying to 
sell to Rush Limbaugh and to other men. 
PLAYBOY: Will they succeed? 

ELDERS; There is that possibility. But 
sometimes you can succeed only to dis- 
cover that what you get may not be what 
you want. The only way you can haye 
people who arc big and at the top is by 
having people at the bottom. If you de- 
stroy all of middle America, then you've 
really destroyed the top, too. 

PLAYBOY: And the Contract With America 
will destroy middle America? 


ELDERS: I think the Contract With Amer- 
ica very much hurts all of America. 
PLAYBOY: Moving on: What is your opin- 
ion of Secretary of Health and Human 
Services Donna Shalala? 


PLAYBOY: No comment? 
ELDERS: I think Donna Shalala is — 
well, she has a Ph.D. in political science. 


I think she used her political science. 
PLAYBOY. What about Supreme Court 
Justice Clarence Thomas? 
ELDERS: I think Clarence Thomas is an 
Uncle Tom. 

[Silence] 
PLAYBOY: No more on that for us? 

[Elders remains silent.] 
PLAYBOY: OK. Last on the list: Senator 
Jesse Helms. 
ELDERS: Mr. Helms is the typical white, 
Southern, male bigot, who uses his pow- 
er and his bigotry to try to destroy peo- 
ple. I've never known anything he has 
done that's positive. 
PLAYBOY: So who in Washington do you 
find most worthy of respect? 
ELDERS: Other than the president, the 
person I probably have the most respect 
for is Ted Kennedy. He's the Washington 
person I would most want to be like. 
PLAYBOY: Why? 
ELDERS: He knows where he is and his 
values are in the right place. He hasa su- 
per style. And he goes all out to sell a 
proposition. He cares about kids, and 
he’s willing to stand up and say it. 
PLAYBOY: Let’s back up: You praise the 
president, whom you have known for 
years. Right now, a lot of Americans feel 
that they don't know him. Fair? 
ELDERS: I think that’s fair, yes. 
PLAYBOY: So tell us: Who is this guy? 
ELDERS: He's a brilliant, well-motivated 
man who cares deeply about this country 
and wants to do something that's really 
outstanding as a leader. He wants to 


SURGEON GENERAL'S WARNING: Cigarette 
Smoke Contains Carbon Monoxide. 


65 


PLAYBOY 


66 


make a difference for all Americans. 
PLAYBOY: So why do voters have such a 
hard time understanding what he actu- 
ally stands for? 

ELDERS: Sometimes we want to do some- 
thing that’s right and good—to do 
everything, for everybody. And some- 
times. . . . It's painful for him to hurt 
anybody, you know. Very painful 
PLAYBOY: You're describing a man with 
the best intentions, but one who finds it 
difficult to make hard choices. Isn't lead- 
ership all about making tough calls? 
ELDERS: But we want people to find it 
difficult to make the hard choices. We 
want those kinds of people as our lead- 
ers, people who have compassion and 
who feel. I think it was harder for Presi- 
dent Clinton to let 
me go than it was 
for We don't 
want people who 
have no feeling, 
who don't care, who 
just brush people 
aside. Because if we 
have those kinds of 
people, then we 
have a callous, non- 
caring society. 1 
don't think that’s 
what we want. 
PLAYBOY: So help 
us understand Bill 
Clinton’s core val- 
ues. What does he 
really stand for? 
ELDERS: He absolute- 
ly believes in what is 
good and right, and 


he wants to do 


me. 


December '94 


what's best for this 
country. 
PLAYBOY: But what 


specifically will he 
go to the mat for? 
ELDERS: He'll go to 
the mat for any 
thing he feels мо 
lates the basic prin 
ciples of American 
society. 

PLAYBOY: You are 
painting a picture at 

odds with what a lot of America sees. 
ELDERS: If we didn’t have all these people 
throwing darts at him all the time. 
You know, I thought darts were thrown 
at me, but never the kinds of darts 
they're throwing at the president. We 
should be thinking that he is the most 
wonderful president we've ever had. In- 
stead, the religious non-Christian right 
and the Republicans are working their 
way into office, and we are standing on 
the sidelines allowing a good, honest, 
bright, hardworking man to be beat up. 
Somehow, the American people won't 
stand up to the dittoheads. 

PLAYBOY: What do you see as the admin- 
istration's key accomplishments so far? 
ELDERS: I think this president has gotten. 


“The best 
protection 
you can buy 
against radar 
and laser” 


Automobile Magazine, 


far more done than many we've had in 
the past. Certainly he’s turned the coun- 
try around in terms of the sliding unem- 
ployment—that's much less. Our econo- 
my is really doing better. Part of that is 
NAFTA and the other agreements that 
came about. Family leave was important 
and made a difference. ‘The president 
fought to get rid of the gag rule, which 
said we can’t tell poor women about 
pregnancy options. Now you can get all 
the information you want and do what 
you want. That's important. He has al- 
most doubled the funding for early 
childhood education in the Head Start 
program. We never hear about those 
things. All we hear about is the junk that 
nobody cares about. ‘The other side only 


Automobile Magazine rated BEL 645: 

тог number on 
And the next generation is even better. 
Introducing BEL 745STi Plus—the latest in 
undetectable Radar! Laser detection from 
the technology leader. 
Shadow Technology” means undetectability 
Automobile Magazines findings confirm it: 
Shadow Technology” “...proved totally 

nmune to the stealthy VG-2.” 


Plus Radar! Laser det: 


BEL-TRONIC 


Dual Tracking Laser™ 


and rear Laser detection, 


pack in laser detection range, delivering on 
average 25 percent more range than the 
second-place finisher and up to 150 per- 

" Quite an 


cent that of the also-rans 
achievement. 


dealer near you, call toll- 
1-800-341-1401 usa 


1-800-268-3994 CANADA 


BEL 


BEL-TRONICS LIMITED 
Leadership through Innovation and Technology 
——— 


s am, 


uses it to beat up the president. 

PLAYBOY: So even after what happened to 
you, you have great faith in the man? 
ELDERS: Yes, I do. It's much more impor- 
tant for hirn to be president for another 
four years—to carry out his plan—than 
for me to be the surgeon general. 
PLAYBOY: When you took the job, did you 
anticipate that so much of it would be 
spent talking about sex? 

ELDERS: No. We have this society in which 
you can't talk about sex—this puritan, 
Victorian kind of society. Sex has been 
taboo forever. Still, we have the highest 
teenage pregnancy rate in the industrial- 
ized world, AIDS is rising rapidly among 
our teenagers, more than 3 million teens 
contract syphilis or gonorrhea every 


Dual Tracking Laser™ provides both front 


„an engineering feat of considerable note.” 
BEL 745STi Plus is the best protection you 
can buy against Radar and Laser. And its 
just $349.95. To order or for the name of a 


year. Yet we deny that our children have 
sex—even though 75 percent of them 
tell us that they do. 

PLAYBOY: Let's explore that further: 
What are the big lies America tells itself 
about sex? 

ELDERS: The big lies? That we should ab- 
stain until marriage. I think that's a big 
lie. We have proof that it's a lie 

PLAYBOY: With all due respect, as surgeon 
general you preached that doctrine 
ELDERS: That's true. But when you talk 
about it to five- to 15-year-olds, every- 
body promotes that. Past the age of 15, 
we know that children are likely to be 
sexually active, so we want them to have 
the information to make decisions. The 
time to teach abstinence is when they 
aren't dealing with 
those problems. If 
we wait until their 
hormones are rag- 
ing, we’re doing 
too little, too late. 
PLAYBOY: Was absti- 
nence the message 
you got when you 
were growing up? 
ELDERS: We were 
taught abstinence 
in our town, in our 
school, in our 
church. We got the 
idea that you 
shouldn't engage in 
sex until you are 
married. If some- 
body got pregnant, 
it was a big hushed- 
up thing, or they 
moved out of the 
community. They 
did teach us: “Good 
girls don’t do it 
until they get mar- 
ried.” Anybody 
who did it was no 
longer good. 
PLAYBOY: So there 
was a lot of shame 
attached? 

ELDERS: Yes. A lot 
of shame. A lot of 
shame. 

You know, people talk about going 
back to the good old days. T hat's just a 
lie. Teenage pregnancy was higher then 
than it is now. There were fewer unmar 
ried pregnant teens back then, but more 
shotgun weddings. There were more 
“eight month” babies that weighed eight 
pounds. The sex and the hormones and 
the people have not changed. 
PLAYBOY: Is there any evidence that 
counseling abstinence works? 

ELDERS: Lots of studies show that chil- 
dren who have comprehensive sex edu- 
cation are more likely to delay sex for 
nine months. That may not seem like a 
long time, but it’s longer than for those 
who've not had any education. We need 
to teach responsibility so kids can make 


2. 


It also led the 


ec today: 


responsible decisions. Some will choose 
to abstain; we should support that 
choice. Some will not, and we need to 
support that choice, too. 

PLAYBOY: How? 

ELDERS: By educating them, making sure 
they know about condoms and other 
contraceptives, and how to protect 
themselves. We can't make that happen 
by trying to legislate morals. 

PLAYBOY: How do you respond to those 
who say that encouraging condom use 
ostensibly encourages kids to have sex? 
ELDERS: I say to those people: You have 
insurance on your house and car, but 
you don’t go out and burn down your 
house and wreck your car just because 
you have the insurance, do you? 
PLAYBOY: So abstinence is big lie number 
опе. Any others? 

ELDERS: That our children know nothing 
about sex—that we need to have this 
conference the day they get married. 

We don't give them the facts. We seem 
to want our children to be ignorant. We 
don't want them to have the knowledge 
to make decisions. They see pictures all 
day on TV, and hear very sexually ex- 
plicit songs. Yet we feel that when we tell 
them “no,” we've done our job. 

PLAYBOY: After 30 years of studying the 
development of children, what can you 
conclude about childhood sexuality? 

ELDERS: That our children—that we—are 
human beings. Sexual beings. And that 


we all need this love. The more our 
young people know and understand 
about sexuality, the less they'll feel the 
need to experiment. The how-tos of 
sex—nobody needs to teach anybody 
how to. God taught us how to. 

PLAYBOY: So God was really the first sex 
educator? 

ELDERS: Thats right. He endowed us 
with all the things we need to know. We 
don't need any lessons. 

PLAYBOY: What would Dr. Elders’ sex ed- 
ucation program look like? 

ELDERS: I'm not a sex educator, but I 
know you have to teach children to feel 
good about themselves. You have to 
teach them that there are certain places 
no [other person] should touch. If that 
happens, they need to tell somebody. 
Twenty-plus percent of young women 
and 13 percent of young men have been 
sexually abused before the age of 18. 
More children are abused in our country 
than in almost any other country. 
PLAYBOY: What else would you teach? 
ELDERS: We need to teach our young peo- 
ple that sexuality is normal. It's wonder- 
ful. It should be between consenting 
adults, and you have to take on certain 
responsibilities. Protect yourself and 
your significant other. If you aren't 
ready to have children and you don't 
want to risk AIDS, you should know 
about contraceptives and condoms so 
you can protect yourself. 


PLAYBOY: You talk about sex being some- 
thing wonderful, something to celebrate, 
something God-given. So why would 
people want to delay that? 

ELDERS: There's a heavy responsibility 
that goes with it. Sometimes our chil- 
dren don't understand and appreciate 
the consequences—of sexually transmit- 
ted diseases, of AIDS, of unplanned, un- 
wanted pregnancies. 

PLAYBOY: Is there a big lie we tell about 
women's sexuality? 

ELDERS: Yes—that women are not sup- 
posed to enjoy sex and that they're here 
to serve men. And that the way for men 
to have power is to keep women bare- 
foot, pregnant and in the kitchen. 
PLAYBOY: What do men need to know 
about women’s sexuality? 

ELDERS: That women don't really want to 
be sexual objects. They want to be hu- 
man beings. Women get a lot of sexual 
pleasure out of things that aren't just the 
physical act of sex. Women enjoy a lot of 
the other things that are part of the 
buildup, not just the act. 

PLAYBOY: Explain something to us. You 
grew up in an era and in a part of the 
country that did not celebrate sexuali- 
ty—in a traditional home and church. 
ELDERS: That's right. 

PLAYBOY: So how did you get so comfort- 
able with sex? 

ELDERS: Well, I'm not sure. I don't re- 
member getting many messages at 


Now blend away 


y with the 


sure thing for a natural look. 


You just can't miss with 
the 5-minute haircoloring 
called JUST FOR MEN... 


proven over 35 million times. 


Before 


Free booklet: A Man's Grooming Guide for tre ‘0s. 
Plus valuable coupons. Send to: Just For Men, P.O. 
Вох 328-4, White Plains, N.Y. 10602-0328 


JUST FOR MEN? 


the leader in men’s haircoloring 


It looks too natural to be haircoloring. Even you won't be 
able to tell what was gray and what wasn't. So you look 
naturally younger. It's easy to see why men who try Just For 
Men* keep using it again and again. Just For Men has been 
successfully used over 35 million times. No wonder it's the 
leader in men's haircoloring. 


Fast and easy. You simply apply Just For Men and in 5 
minutes, rinse. Its scientifically-timed action blends away 
gray... assures you of a totally natural look. 


Effective yet gentle. This remarkable formula is perfectly 
balanced: So effective, it brings back 


the look of your own natural color and 


won't fade or wash out. So gentle, 
rich conditioning action leaves your hair 
looking healthier and fuller. 


Unique formula. Just For Men is 
revolutionary, backed by 34 years of 
specialized research in men's haircolor- 
ing. That's experience no one else 

can match. 


So why settle for less than the sure thing 
for a natural look? You just can’t miss 
with Just For Men. 


Natural 
Medium Brown 


In 7 natural shades 


67 


FILA E BIOS 


68 


home, either positive or negative. We 
had lots of dogs and cats and cows and 
Pigs, so I learned some of this related to 
animal sexuality. 

PLAYBOY: But what made this girl from 
rural Arkansas grow up to so easily say 
things that make Republicans blush? 
ELDERS: Because our teachers taught sex- 
uality in school, I never felt uncomfort- 
able with it. Later, as an endocrinologist, 
1 saw children with ambiguous genitalia 
and abnormalities of sexual differenti 
tion. I saw little girls who went into pu- 
berty early—at three or four. The great 
risk was that they would be abused, so 1 
had to talk to moms about protecting 
their daughters. With mom and dad sit- 
ting right there, we'd talk hard and 
heavy about it. 

I also talked to young men. It got so 
that whenever they came in, they ex- 
pected me to ask them to pull down their 
pants so I could see how they were de- 
veloping. What upsets dad most is think- 
ing his son is not developing into a 
young man. Dealing with these things 
for 20-plus years, you had to get com- 
fortable with yourself so you could get 
comfortable with the parents. 

PLAYBOY: At this point, does anything 
about sex make Joycelyn Elders blush? 

ELDERS: There are probably lots of things 
that make me blush. I used to give lec- 
tures about sex to the high schoolers at 
my husband's school. Well, they knew 


more about sex than I did. [Laughs] 
They had a lot of misinformation, too. 
PLAYBOY: What misinformation do you 
think America has about AIDS? 

ELDERS: That “it doesn’t affect me, my 
family, my neighborhood or my school.” 
Well, it affects all of us. We're all vulner- 
able. It can touch each and every one of 
our families, any time. 

PLAYBOY: How do we fight that? 

ELDERS: Education, education, education. 
It's all we've got. Its amazing that we 
don't use all our available resources for 
that. We could use our churches, our 
schools, our communities. We could use 
the most powerful medium we have— 
television. But we don't. 

PLAYBOY: Since you brought up church: 
You're a 61-year-old, churchgomg wom- 
an. You've been happily married for 35 
years, you've raised your family. How do 
you answer those people who say that 
you lack Christian family values? 

ELDERS: I say: Whose family values are 
they talking about? Family values, to me, 
is caring about others. Family values, to 
me, is having a supportive, extended, 
nuclear family. I don't feel that every- 
body’s family has to be like my family. 
We can have single-parent families, we 
can have same-sex-parent families. Who 
are we to decide? God decides what real 
family values are. 

PLAYBOY: You talk about same-sex-parent 
families. In the past, you have blamed 


much of this country's antigay bigotry on 
what you've called an irrational fear of 
sexuality. Can you explain? 

ELDERS: | think our churches sometimes 
promote these irrational feelings and be- 
haviors. Like the idea that gay or lesbian 
people can't take good care of children. 
Or that they'll like anybody of the same 
sex—that gay men will go after any man 
walking down the street. Well, those are 
lies, Their feelings are related to emo- 
tional bonding. I dont feel like going 
out with any man who walks down the 
street. Well, gay relationships are just 
like heterosexual relationships. Some- 
times they may be even more warm and 
loving and caring than these so-called 
great families who talk about it. 

PLAYBOY: You said earlier if women were 
in control, there would be fewer fights 
about sexuality. Can you explain? 
ELDERS: Men are far more uptight about 
sex than women are—unless it involves 
them. Women are far more likely to be 
rational and open and to discuss things. 
Most rape, really, and child abuse is com- 
mitted by men; most abnormal sexual 
behaviors involve men. Yet men are the 
ones who appear to be most bent out of 
shape about sex. Just take the abortion 
issue. Look who's always out there pon- 
tificating. But when you ask them about 
things we can do to make a difference, 
they spin out onto these crazy issues. 
PLAYBOY: Crazy issues? 


1995 Playmate of the Year 


Jenny McCarthy 


“Join me, Julie Lynn Cialini, as my guest at a wild and private Playmate of the Year 
pool party. Jenny and Anna Nicole will be there too — so watch out! As a special party favor, 


Only $3 a minute. 
18 years or older. 


NN 


a Playmate will call back with a personal message just for you." 


PLAYBOY'S SUPER HOTLINE 


Anna Nicole Smith 


Twa calls required tor Playmate 


© 1995 Playboy. A Product of Playboy. 680 North Lake Shore Drive, Chicago IL 60611. Not available in OR. 


PLAYMATE OF THE YEAR PARTY! 
CALL AND BE OUR GUEST 


1-900-740-5588 | or can 1-800-949-6000 


MasterCard and Visa only 


Miss June 


“Come aboard with me, 
Rhonda Adams, and we'll take 
a private cruise fortwo." 


ice-mallbox 


A whole new way 
to enjoy the 


world’s most 
exciting women 


Imagine having, 12 of rhe world’s most 
exquisite women all to yourself for ten 
days FREE! 

Only PLAYBOY could create a video 
collection this exciting! 

Now you can, with the 1995 VIDEO 
PLAYMATE CALENDAR, your 
remarkable introduction to the 
PLAYBOY VIDEO COLLECTION. 
It’s your opportunity to experience 

a whole new dimension in video 
enjoyment that includes a ten-day 

FREE preview of every video! 

The 1995 VIDEO PLAYMATE 
CALENDAR. includes some of the 
most electrifying, performances ever 
captured on film. Twelve spectacular 
Playboy Playmates—including, breath 
taking Playmate of the Year Jenny 
MeCarthy—reveal their talents, 
model sexy lingerie, enact bold 
fantasies, romp au naturel in 
spectacular settings and share their 


101995 Playboy 


to enjoy the world’s most 
erotic video collection: 


e 


Keep only those you want, 
cancel any time 

No minimum number 

to buy; no club to join; 
no commitment 


å 


. 


Special introductory price: 
just $9.95 plus shipping 
and handling 


mail w: Playboy Video Collection 
PO Box 5037 


most intimate secrets with the camera М e Clifton, NJ 07015-5037 Lhe 
It's an unforgettable tour de force YES, send me the 1995 VIDEO PLAYMATE CALENDAR for ten days FREE as my 


VoU NOT UO RETO TS introduction to the PLAYBOY VIDEO COLLECTION. IFT decide to keep it, РИ E the 


Б low introductory price of just $9.95 plus shipping and handling. ЇЇ then receive other vol 
Sensuous Playmates, Celebrity Centerfolds and the PLAYBOY VIDEO COLLECTION approximately every other month, for the 
Erotic Fantasies Revealed as Never Before regular prc of $19.95 plus $2.95 shipping and handling I understand there is no mini- 
tienes Ao mum number to buy and 1 may cancel at any time. IFI decide not to keep the 1995 
ar m you'll join Playboy's COLL VIDEO FLAYMATE CALENDAR, ГИ return it to you within ten days and owe nothing, 


activitic: T & WILD 
and more. It all adds up to a convenient new way to 


Name, 


enjoy the world’s most erotic videos. Order now! Address Е 
City, = State. Zip 
Signature, м 
1 Phone number (___) 
мы ee НА BYRO0S 


PLAYBOY 


ELDERS: Let's say I was talking about 
comprehensive health education, grades 
K through 12. They're out there saying 
I'm teaching five-year-olds how to use 
condoms. Only a man with a warped 
sense of his own sexuality would even 
think that. 

PLAYBOY: Is there anything you know 
about abortion that you couldn't say as 
surgeon general? 

ELDERS: No. I said the things I wanted to 
say: Abortion should be safe and avail- 
able and legal. We should hope to get to 
the point that it would be unnecessary; if 
we had planned, wanted pregnancies, 
abortion would be totally unnecessary. 
I've never known a woman to need an 
abortion who was not already pregnant. 
Also, people use the abortion issue. 
PLAYBOY: How? 

ELDERS: Many politicians run on just the 
abortion issue. The people fighting 
abortions are primarily men. They've 
never been pregnant, certainly not had 
an abortion. They go out and fight 
against abortion, but they don't think 
they need to fight for the health and wel- 
fare of children. That makes no sense to 
me. These people fight contraceptives. 
They're outside abortion clinics, fight- 
ing. But if the religious right were really 
serious, it would be out fighting for con- 
traceptives, right? If these people really 
cared, they would be fighting for health 
education to prevent unplanned preg- 
nancies. And to make sure that we had 
early childhood education and tood 
stamps and all of that. 

But they aren't. 

You never see these people carrying 
signs supporting the health and welfare 
of children. 

PLAYBOY: What are you saying? 

ELDERS: That I don't see any of this love 
being demonstrated. That's why I call it 
a love affair with the fetus. See, 2 mar- 
riage, or a child—thar's for a lifetime. 
But a fetus is a term-limited affair. 
PLAYBOY: So you don't think these people 
are sincere? 

ELDERS: No. I don't think they have as 
many feelings about the unborn as they 
say they do. You can’t be that much in 
love with the fetus and not love children. 
There is no demonstration of their love 
for children, except with their own chil- 
dren. They're carrying banners to save a 
child who is unwanted, but they aren't 
willing to take that child into their home. 
They're fighting Medicaid and other 
things that support children. 

PLAYBOY: What is the greatest threat to 
reproductive freedom? 

ELDERS: For American women to ај 
men to take control of their uteruses. I 
time for women to stand up. 

PLAYBOY: How? 

ELDERS: Any politicians who vote against 
abortion—well, vote them out. I mean, 
just line up and vote them out. They 
aren't good enough, they don't know 


7 enough and they don't love enough to 


make those kinds of decisions for wom- 
en. We've let male physicians and cel- 
ibate churches dictate our reproductive 
choices. It's time we make the decisions 
about those choices so we can have 
planned, wanted children. That's what 
America is about to me. 

PLAYBOY: You have said that politicians 
should stay out of women's uteruses. But 
in Arkansas, you also spearheaded ef- 
forts to increase men's accountability for 
the children they father, correct? 

ELDERS: To increase male responsibility, 
yes. We enacted some early laws to make 
men put their Social Security numbers 
on the birth certificates to make sure 
they pay for their children. 

PLAYBOY: So you believe the state should 
stay out of women's sexuality but regu- 
late men's sexuality? 

ELDERS: If you have a child whom you 
both created, shouldn't you both be re- 
sponsible? Why should it be just the 
woman's responsibility? Don't you feel 
that the man has a responsibility? 
PLAYBOY: You're comfortable compelling 
that responsibility through the state? 
ELDERS: Yes, I am. I feel if more men 
were responsible, then obviously far 
more contraceptives would be used. 
PLAYBOY: Halfway through the second 
decade of AIDS, how would you grade 
America's response to the epidemic? 
ELDERS: Well, the only thing we've got 
against this disease is education—we do 
not have a drug or a vaccine. AIDS is 
making us talk about sex more than we 
might have. But we've not really educat- 
ed our young people about that yet. 
PLAYBOY: Are you basically saying Ameri- 
ca’s been asleep at the switch? 

ELDERS: We've been asleep at the switch 
as well as behind many European coun- 
tries on sexuality and health education 
issues. They really started in the Seven- 
ties, when we were still feeling that igno- 
rance was bliss. 

PLAYBOY: What do you see as the top pub- 
lic health concerns in the U.S.? 

ELDERS: AIDS and family planning are 
two things that we could help to solve if 
we just worked at them. We preach all 
these morals that our children know we 
don't follow. We try to legislate morals 
rather than teach responsibility. The Eu- 
ropcan countries don't do that. 

PLAYBOY: We seem to have a Congress full 
of folks who think it’s their job to legis- 
late morals, Why is that? 

ELDERS: When people over the age of 60 
or 65 start making decisions for the rest 
of us, they've forgotten that they've al- 
rcady done everything under the sun, 
and all of a sudden they're totally re- 
formed. They tell us all these things we 
shouldn't do, and legislate all these 
things that shouldn't go on. Well, I feel 
we should have a mandatory retirement 
age of 65 for all political offices, Just like 
in schools, we need mandatory retire- 
ment for our elected officials. I don't feel 
we should allow anybody to be elected to 


a public office who’s more than 65. 
PLAYBOY: Those are preity strong words 
coming from a 61-year-old woman. 
ELDERS: That's right, absolutely. 

PLAYBOY: You don't see any value to accu- 
mulated wisdom? 

ELDERS: That depends on whether they 
accumulated wisdom or not. If they did, 
we could still use their wisdom. But they 
don't have to be in power to give it to us. 
PLAYBOY. The clderly are the fastest 
growing group in America. Don't they 
deserve politicians who represent them? 
ELDERS: If you've had the opportunity to 
make laws and decisions for the country 
until you're 65, then it’s time to move 
over and let somebody else do that. We 
need some new blood, new thinking, 
new ideas. 

PLAYBOY: Where do you see this new 
thinking coming from? 

ELDERS: We have to adi Newt Gin- 
grich. We may not like his ideas, but at 
least he has put something out there. 
He's willing to stir things up and make 
people think. That's not bad—you can't 
be too mad about that. You still don't 
have to agree with him. 

PLAYBOY: Let's move closer to home. 
Your son, Kevin, was sentenced to ten 
years for selling an eighth of an ounce of 
cocaine. Would that have happened if 
his last name weren't Elders? 

ELDERS: Of course not. Nobody would 
have known that it had happened. He 
probably wouldn't even have been 
picked up. The person who was really 
turned in was never even locked up. I 
feel that my son was entrapped because 
of me. But if he hadn't been involved in 
drugs, it wouldn't have happened. 
PLAYBOY: This occurred shortly after 
your statement about legalizing drugs? 
ELDERS: Yes. 

PLAYBOY: That's a pretty hard thing for a 
mother to carry around. 

ELDERS: Well, because of that, my son got 
into treatment, and he's much better off 
now. If it had not happened, he mightbe 
dead today. 

PLAYBOY: So what would a rational drug 
policy look like? 

ELDERS: Our current drug policy doesn't 
appear (0 be working very well. We have 
100 many young people being locked up 
and not getting treatment. We are not 
doing encugh to prevent the problem 
in the first place. Were just filling up 
our prison cells and wasting our bright 
young people. 

PLAYBOY: So what are our options? 
ELDERS: If we're willing to put people in 
prison for drugs, we should at least pro- 
vide treatment. We don't. Instead, we 
waste all our money making other pco- 
ple rich off the drug trade. The greatest 
growth industry in our country has been 
prisons: prison cells, the people building 
prisons, staffing prisons, lawyers. We're 
talking about money now, and money is 
power in our society. To me, those are 
real issues. We're not talking about how 


isvile, KY © 1995 


Take it easy. 


— = 
BEAN 


AA 
s 


(lb 
ca 
Ка 


Å 


PLAYBOY 


72 


to help people. 
PLAYBOY: In the past you've called for le- 
galizing marijuana. 

ELDERS: No, I never called for legaliza- 
tion. I called for studying the legaliza- 
tion of drugs—looking at what would 
make sense. 

PLAYBOY: Any specifics? 

ELDERS: I don't know enough. If I knew 
enough of what would make sense, 1 
wouldn't be asking for a study, I'd be out 
there saying: “Now this is what we 
should do, you idiots.” But I haven't 
studied that enough. 

I know we certainly need to get coun- 
selors involved, even if we decriminalize 
drugs. When I say I would make drugs 
available for the drug users, I'm not talk- 
ing about putting them on the shelf. The 
users would go to a hospital or a clinic, 
sign their name and pick up the drugs. 
This way we would get rid of all the sell- 
ers and dealers—and 60 percent of 
crime in the U.S. is, in some way, drug 
related. Then the counselors could get 
these people into treatment programs, 
reduce their doses and get them off the 
drugs. Most important, we could edu- 
cate our young people in school about 
drugs, which we don't. 

PLAYBOY: OK, we've covered sex and 
drugs. Any thoughts on rock and roll? 
ELDERS: Well, some of our gangsta raps 
have just gone too far out. 

PLAYBOY: Any in particular? 

ELDERS: You know, calling women 
whores? It makes many young people 
totally disrespect women. It puts women 
down, portrays them as sex objects just 
to be used and abused. 

PLAYBOY: Yet rap is an indigenous voice 
coming from a disenfranchised commu- 
nity. Does that give it any legitimacy? 
ELDERS: I don't know. But I'm really 
concerned about what's happening to 
young black men. They're disappearing. 
They're either in jail or dead in the 
graveyards. They're on probation or in- 
to drugs or they're being killed by guns. 
Very few go to college. That, to me, is a 
real problem. If I knew what to do, Pd 
be out there trying to make it happen. 
PLAYBOY: You sound as if you think the 
young black male is endangered. 
ELDERS: Yes, I do. We have to start early. 
We've got to find mentors to keep them 
on track. Locking them up and throwing 
away the key or letting them revolve in 
and out of jail is not the way to go. 
PLAYBOY: What is the way to go? 

ELDERS: First, move them out of poverty. 
Second, educate them—start with early 
childhood education. Eighty-five per- 
cent of middle-income children have 
early childhood education. Yet only I 
percent of children on Medicaid—the 
poorest of the poor—have any early ed- 
ucation. So they start behind, they stay 
behind and they never catch up. Then 
we complain because they don't do well. 
We're teaching our young black kids: 
“You're nobody, you're a second-class 


citizen, you can't make it. You're just go- 
ing to get pregnant or kill somebody or 
be an addict.” We've programmed these 
kids to be what we see. 

I don't know any way you can get 
these kids out of poverty—and keep 
them out—without an education. 
PLAYBOY: That's a pretty sobering vision 
for the future of African Americans. 
ELDERS: Yes, we’ve got to do more. Our 
black churches have to do more. We 
were so busy—when I say we, I'm а part 
of that—surviving and trying to get up 
out of the barrel, so glad to have made it 
ourselves, that we weren't really that 
concerned about those we left behind. 
PLAYBOY: If you were to distill these issues 
into a list like the Contract With Ameri- 
ca, what would a prescription for a 
healthier country include? 

ELDERS: That we provide universal health 
care for all Americans. 

That we make a heavy investment in 
children, 

That we do whatever is needed to 
make sure that every child born in 
America is a planned and wanted child. 

That we have early childhood educa- 
tion for all children, and health educa- 
tion programs in our schools. 

That. our young men begin to feel 
male responsibility. 

That we provide primary preventive 
health services in schools. 

‘And that all bright young people who 
want to go to college—who are decent 
human beings and have a B or above av- 
erage—should have that opportunity. 
PLAYBOY: As you look back over the past 
two years, how do you feel you were 
treated by the press? 

ELDERS: The good press—the best, most. 
respectable press—was really very fair to 
me. And the people who wanted to get 
things wrong and twist things and dis- 
tort things did. 

PLAYBOY: What was the biggest example 
of twisting things? 

ELDERS: When I supposedly said I want- 
ed to legalize drugs. Thank God for 
videotape. What if it hadn't been оп 
video? Then I never could have proved 
what I said. 

PLAYBOY: Was that calculated, or just 
sloppiness by the press? 

ELDERS: It was very calculated in some 
parts of the press. When I made the 
comment on masturbation, all the media 
were there at the UN. All the major TV 
stations. We even had a press conference 
afterward. But not one blip about it. It 
was only when people decided to distort 
it that it got to be such big news. 
PLAYBOY: Do you believe that what hap- 
pened to you was part of a plan? 

ELDERS: Right. If you read all of their lit- 
erature, you'll see that the religious non- 
Christian right has a very orchestrated 
plan. They plan to be in 60,000 church- 
es on the Tuesday before the next elec- 
tion, handing out information on who to 
vote for. It's powerful. They were out 


there at the midterm elections. 
PLAYBOY: Does America realize that? 
ELDERS: No. I didn't realize it until about 
а year or two ago. Then I started seeing 
their literature, seeing their organiza- 
tion, and knowing they were holding all 
these meetings on how to win school 
board elections and that sort of thing. 

What's scary about all this is that 
they're doing it; it's getting done. They 
said: "We'll start where there's low voter 
turnout and take over the school boards. 
We will send our children to private 
Christian schools. We will control what 
the children are taught, and we will fight 
against public schools and destroy them, 
and we'll take away all their power"—be- 
cause if you keep people poor and igno- 
rant, they have no power. And they're 
doing all that very effectively, all across 
this country. I thought it was just hap- 
pening in Arkansas, but that's not true. 
We are putting our heads in the sand, 
ignoring the problem, pretending it 
doesn't exist and hoping that it will go 
away. We've allowed political satire to be- 
come our reality. I hope the American 
people begin to wise up. 
PLAYBOY: And if we don't? 
ELDERS: Sooner or later, a nation that 
does not take care of its youngest, eldest 
and weakest will truly self-destruct. We 
are always working in this country to 
prevent things from happening to us 
from the outside. But I don’t think we 
have to woity about anything happen- 
ing to the US. from the outside. We're 
going to self-destruct from the inside. 
Look at Russia. Nobody dropped a 
bomb on Russia. But it would have been 
better off, probably, if somebody had. 
What I mean by that is that the Russian 
people are suffering from the inside by 
self-destruction. I feel that if a country 
allows this to happen, its citizens are say- 
ing that this is what they really want. 
PLAYBOY: Is that what America wants? 
ELDERS: Well, it’s not what the people I'm 
out there seeing and meeting on the 
street want. It bothers me that we're sit- 
ting back and allowing this group to take 
over. Yet it is happening and I'm not 
even sure that people are noticing. 
PLAYBOY: Any advice? 
ELDERS: It’s time that we wake up and de- 
cide if we want to keep control and keep 
America inclusive—with room for all of 
us, the kind of country that we want it to 
be, the land of the free and home of the 
brave. Or do we want to turn it over to 
these self-righteous, self-appointed peo- 
ple who have so little room for anybody 
different? They go out and get the whole 
world to fight, and we're sitting here 
swallowing it, not saying anything. 
PLAYBOY: Any parting words for them? 
ELDERS: [Laughs] Yes. I would suggest 
that they really pray for themselves. And 
make sure that they don't try to sit in 
God's place. 

El 


WHAT SORT OF MAN READS PLAYBOY? 


A man who loves the open sea, he knows that with the right crew, a Sunday sail can be more ro- 
mantic than a luxury cruise. For him, PLAYBOY is a compass pointing to a life filled with style and pas- 
sion. Fact: PLAYBOY is the most efficient magazine for reaching recreational boaters. Three quarters 
of a million PLAYBOY readers own their own boats, and one of every seven boaters is a PLAYBOY 
reader. Their favorite magazine charts the course to the good life. (Source: Spring 1994 MRI.) 


Vir ie (kis (Ve GID RO WEE 


PLAYBOY CONDUCTED A WIDE-RANGING CAMPUS 
SURVEY THAT EXPOSES A FEARFUL STUDENT BODY 
BLINDLY MARCHING UNDER THE BANNER OF PC 


HORTLY BEFORE 7:30 A.M. on a chilly April morning in 1993, drivers began 

delivering bundles of student newspapers around the campus of the Uni- 

versity of Pennsylvania in Philadelphia. When The Daily Pennsylvanian hit 

the pavement, six dozen members of the Black Student League were 

waiting. The paper had carried columns by a white student who ques- 

tioned, among other things, the heroism of Martin Luther King Jr., and 
labeled Malcolm X a hatemonger. Before classes began that day, angry BSL 
members had dumped nearly ail 14,000 copies of the paper in the trash. The 
empty racks carried a sign: “Sometimes inconvenience is worth the price. 
Think about it.” 

Fortunately, people on campus did just that. Another group of students dug 
through the garbage to save as many copies of the paper as they could and dis- 
tributed 6000 freshly printed copies. The black students, who were scolded 
but not disciplined, daimed their rogue action was justified by—are you lis- 
tening, George Orwell?—the First Amendment 

Penn is not the only university where the sometimes uncomfortable princi- 
ple of free speech has been trampled by campus groups. Student newspapers 
that contained controversial material have been stolen at Penn State, Clemson, 
Duke, Maryland, Rochester and at least 50 other schools during the past two 
years. It’s the latest campus craze. 

The larceny of “dangerous thoughts” and the publications that carry them 
is part ofa decade-long retreat on campus from the principle of free speech 
Propelled by the desire to protect vulnerable groups, elements of the political 
left have launched an assault on the open expression of unpopular ideas 
through hate-speech codes, peer pressure and censorship. 

To understand the significance of political correctness and its effects on col- 
lege students, the editors of PLAYBOY commissioned a wide-ranging opinion 
poll directed at the heart of the academic community. We sent representatives 
from a major national polling organization—Maritz Research—to 50 campus- 
es across the U.S. The schools we chose were a mix of public and private, ur- 
ban and rural, two-year and four-year. By the time the researchers had fin- 
ished their survey, they had visited schools as small and varied as Avila College 
in Kansas City, Missouri and the University of St. Thomas in St. Paul, Min- 
nesota, as large as the University of Arizona and Florida State University, and 


ILLUSTRATION BY MIKE BENNY 


75 


PLAYBOY 


76 


as venerable as Princeton and Stanford. 

At each campus, the researchers ran- 
domly recruited 15 students to provide 
an even mix of class year and gender. 
The racial split was 75 percent white 
and 25 percent minority. Half of the to- 
tal of 749 students surveyed described 
themselves as moderates, a quarter as 
conservatives and a quarter as liberals. 
The students were not told that 
PLAYBOY was Sponsoring the survey, 
which touched on everything from 
hate speech to censorship to date rape 
and sexual etiquette. 

To add perspective to the numbers, 
PLAYBOY later sent reporters to speak 
with dozens more college students in 
New York, Chicago and Los Angeles 
With the raw data in hand and pages of 
field notes and observations, we sat 
down to look over the results. What we 
found startled and disturbed us. 


SAY THE RIGHT THING 


Political correctness—or, as writer 
Saul Bellow calls it, “free speech with- 
out debate”—seems to have infringed 
on one of the fundamental dynamics of 
college learning: Students arrive un- 
worldly, dissect as many ideas as they 
can, shoot off their mouths a bit, then 
leave four years later embracing the 
theories, lessons and arguments that 
best fit their experiences. 

But according to our poll results, as 
the diversity of the student body in- 
creases, so does the pressure to limit 
discussion of controversial subjects. 
Hundreds of students that PLAYBOY sur- 
veyed and interviewed accepted the 
idea that they are obliged to keep ev- 
eryone happy, even if this means sac- 
rificing free speech. Nearly half sup- 
ported banning the expression of racist 
ideas—an attitude that justifies actions 
such as those taken by the Black Stu- 
dent League at Penn. Two thirds of stu- 
dents said that words such as ugly, 
black, Miss or Oriental should not be 
uttered in groups because of the risk 
that someone might be offended. A 
quarter favored restrictions on slurs 
against homosexuals, and 18 percent 
would support rules to ban hurting 
anyone's feelings. And in a finding that 
would make Jerry Rubin and Abbie 
Hoffman spin in their graves, ten per- 
cent said they would censor anything 
that contradicted the school's stated 
political positions and five percent said 
they would censor anything that con- 
tradicted professors’ beliefs. (The latter 
group, no doubt, gets really good 
grades.) 

Perhaps emboldened by such an 
obedient student body, the fear of law- 
suits and a belief that certain groups 
must be sheltered from abuse, many 
schools have attempted to regulate 


what is said on campus. For all their 
good intentions, it’s not clear that hate- 
speech codes are even needed: Stu- 
dents appear to be self-regulating. 
While seven in ten of those we sur- 
veyed weren't sure if their schools even 
had rules against hate speech, almost 
the same number—six in ten—said 
they adjusted their behavior or cen- 
sored their speech anyway. 

“I analyze who I’m talking to and 
make an attempt, in effect, to stereo- 
type them so that I don't offend them,” 
admits Lawrence David Parker, a 
sophomore at Columbia College in 
Chicago. “For instance, we have a 
dance group coming in that features 
people in wheelchairs. How do you 
portray that without saying, “This is 
unique’? It’s confusing sometimes, be- 
cause I don’t come from a very politi- 
cally correct environment. People 
didn't nitpick what I said.” 

Students aren't the only members of 
the campus community whose work 
and lives have been affected. Professors 
and others whose insensitivity once on- 
ly sparked debate are now also accused 
of violating rights. Because our nation 
and our college campuses have become 
so diverse, and because nearly every- 
one—including white males—has 
shown an eagerness to stand and fight 
(and hire lawyers) over perceived in- 
sults, how can anyone guess what will 
offend someone pulled out of a crowd? 

“I have eliminated some material 
from my courses. 1 tape all my lectures 
so there can be no question of what I 
actually said. I never tell jokes in class 
and I try to restrain my sense of hu- 
mor,” Charles Crawford, a psychology 
professor at a small Canadian universi- 
ty, wrote recently. “I encourage my 
women graduate students to give the 
lectures on the more controversial ma- 
terial on rape, incest and wa 

Students find themselves on similar 
tightropes, struggling for a balance 
between expressing their frustrations 
about the society they've inherited and 
stifling any outbursts that might get 
them labeled as bigots. “Almost every 
student has an opinion about every- 
thing,” says Arpana Gupta, a senior at 
UCLA. “It’s just a matter of how willing 
you are to voice them openly, given 
that things probably aren't going to 
change and you're going to wind up 
getting a lot of criticism.” Add another 
plank to the Bill of Rights: the right not 
to be offended. 

(Apparently even being asked for an 
opinion is offensive to some people 
Fourteen percent of the surveyed stu- 
dents said our anonymous written 
questionnaire was irrelevant, nine per- 
cent said it was too personal and four 
percent were outright offended—al- 


though no one was indignant enough 
to refuse the five bucks they were of- 
fered for their trouble after they com- 
pleted the survey.) 

Attempts to curtail hate speech, and 
to talk around ethnic, racial, sexual 
and gender differences, are bundled 
under the concept of political correct- 
ness. But even with all of the bashing 
that PC has received in recent years, 
73 percent of students identified them- 
selves as being politically correct. And 
ifanyone thinks the trend is passing, it 
is interesting to note that more fresh- 
men than seniors adhere to the PC 
doctrine. Sixty-two percent of the stu- 
dents polled agreed that they some- 
times censored their language or ad- 
justed their behavior because of 
political correctness, and slightly less 
than half think it has been a construc- 
tive force on their campuses. 

At the same time, almost two thirds 
say it is all right to laugh at gender, 
racial or ethnic jokes. Given the high 
number of PC students, we can only as- 
sume they're laughing up their sleeves. 
The numbers of politically incorrect 
jokers reflect how difficult it is to live 
the PC lifestyle without 
very conflicts PC tries to 
Liberals feel the brunt of this paradox, 
since they invented PC and certainly 
face great pressure to make it work. 
‘The Maritz researchers summed it up 
nicely: Left-leaning students “are torn 
because their liberal attitude leads 
them to allow anything, but by being 
politically correct, they do not want to. 
hurt anyone." 

College students—liberal, moderate 
and conservative alike—probably want 
more than anything to be accepted, 
and liked, and part of the crowd, and 
many were changing their behavior to 
achieve that end. So PC may simply be 
a facade to avoid criticism. Seventy- 
four percent of respondents said that 
being popular was more important 
than being politically correct. And they 
were suspicious of the PC doctrine and 
what it has done to their campuses. Al- 
most four in ten students said fear of 
appearing politically incorrect makes 
college life less spontaneous and fun. 


MARCHING TO 
AN INDIFFERENT DRUMMER 


Whether because of the lack of mobi- 
lizing issues or a lack of spirit or from 
fear of offending someone who dis- 
agrees, three of every four students we 
asked had not attended a march or ral- 
ly for any cause during the past year. 
Our finding was matched in an annual 
survey by UCLA's Higher Education 
Research Institute, which found this 
year's entering class the least politically 
involved since the institute began its 


"It's amazing how you anticipated my every move.” 


7 


PLAYBOY 


78 


surveys 29 years ago. Only 32 percent 
of 240,000 respondents thought that 
“keeping up with political affairs” was 
an important goal in life, and a mere 
16 percent frequently discussed poli- 
tics; both figures were all-time lows, All 
is quiet on the Western campus front. 

Many of those who spoke with our 
interviewers suggested their seeming 
passivity should be seen as tolerance. 
Others questioned that explanation. 
“So often people are more concerned 
with using the right PC label rather 
than with doing anything to address 
larger problems,” such as racial and 
gender tensions, suggests USC senior 
Michelle Baker. 

Few issues seem to incite much pas- 
sion among many students. Only civil 
rights, the pro-choice movement and 
environmental causes managed to 
scrape together the support of half the 
surveyed students, with women more 
likely to be involved than men. The re- 
maining issues we brought up, includ- 
ing gay rights, animal rights and femi- 
nist and religious issues, were of less 
concern. 

“The political climate has changed 
for people in their early 20s,” says Tim 
Beasley, a graduate student at UCLA. 
“Where it used to be OK for everyone 
to speak out, now it's OK for only cer- 
tain people. More of the 18- to 22-year- 
alds tend to he sensitized antomatically 
It's not that they're afraid to speak out. 
It's just that they don't want to." 

There are activists on any campus, of 
course. A few students insist that many 
young people are politically aware, but 
just don't take to the streets as their 
parents did. "I'm not indifferent,” says 
Jana Kalensky, a sophomore at Hunter 
College in New York. “But I'm not into 
the whole political-rally, mob-mentality 
scene.” Instead, students say they or 
others organize performances, print 
zines, send e-mail or write letters. “I’m 
not all that confrontational,” adds Greg 
Wegweiser, a senior drama major at 
New York University. “I deal with 
things through the plays I write and di- 
rect and what I put on the stage for 
people to see. That's my way of making 
people aware of the issues and how I 
feel about them. Feople are a little 
more receptive that way.” Unless, of 
course, someone takes offense at a per- 
formance, protests his choice of topics 
or confiscates his writings. 

For that reason, it was perplexing to 
find that such a large number of stu- 
dents—four in ten—support the ban- 
ning of controversial material from 
their campus bookstore. We provided 
each student with a list of material that 
has caused public debate: compact discs 
or tapes with violent or sexist lyrics, 
magazines with male or female nudity 
and videos with violence or nudity, and 


asked which, if any, they would ban 
from the campus bookstore. Music 
fared relatively well, with only 20 per- 
cent of the students saying they would 
restrict access among students to vio- 
lent or sexist lyrics. But almost a third 
of the students were willing to ban any 
or all of the other controversial items, 
with women notably more willing to do 
so than men. 

Again, students seemed conflicted. 
The music performed by bands such as 
Guns n' Roses may be sexist and vio- 
lent—but what if their roommate lis- 
tens to it? It becomes a battle of prefer- 
ences: Do you prefer to let others make 
decisions about what they hear and see, 
or do you force them to make the 
“right” decisions, in order to keep 
everyone happy? This conflict was 
reflected in other survey findings. 
Nearly a third of the students who said 
they opposed any campus restrictions 
on free speech also said they would 
support banning at least one of the 
items from the bookstore. 

In a similar example of the difficulty 
students have with the awkward princi- 
ples of free speech, 62 percent of those 
same respondents who earlier said they 
opposed any restrictions on free speech 
were unwilling to allow extremist groups 
to meet on campus. (To add to the con- 
fusion, the ?5 percent who would allow 
such groups were split equally among 
liberals and conservatives.) 

Consider what happened to David 
Irving, a British historian who has 
been accused of being a Nazi sympa- 
thizer. Early this year he was invited 
by a student group, the Free Speech 
Coalition, to present his views at the 
University of California at Berkeley, 
the same school where the Free Speech 
Movement began three decades ago. 
Protesters forced Irving to flee before 
he could utter a word, and they beat 
and spit on people who tried to enter 
the building. A college staff member 
who had to be rescued by campus po- 
lice said that although he considered 
Irving a “scumbag,” he still felt com- 
pelled to “confront those who would 
deny others free speech. 

The beliefs of a majority of college 
students seem to run counter to that 
philosophy. About half the students 
polled thought that universities should 
have rules against hate speech, and on- 
ly 27 percent were against such rules. A 
full 67 percent were ready to limit free 
speech in certain situations, such as if 
the words were used to incite violence 
or express homophobic ideas, or if the 
words ridiculed a specific member of 
the student body. “I don’t think free 
speech is an issue on campus,” con- 
dudes Randall Lynch, a freshman at 


the University of Chicago. "If it were, I 
probably would have heard of it.” 


DONT TOUCH, DONT TELL 


Not surprisingly, the college students 
we surveyed appeared even more cau- 
uous about saying or doing the wrong 
thing in their sexual relations than 
they were among their peers on cam- 
pus. Students seemed eager to have 
someone in authority spell out accept- 
able rules of engagement. Four in ten 
students felt that universities should 
have sexual conduct rules or guide- 
lines beyond city and state laws, and 
this was one of the few responses 
agreed on across demographic and po- 
litical lines. Among the students who 
said that their schools had a policy on 
sexual encounters, almost seven out of 
ten said they were comfortable with 
this. Again, the freshmen (78 percent) 
were the most accepting of such rules. 

Since January 1993, when Antioch 
University implemented its sexual con- 
duct code requiring students to get 
verbal consent from their partners at 
each level of intimacy, enrollment ap- 
plications and inquiries have increased 
at the Yellow Springs, Ohio campus. 
“We've talked to students who have ap- 
plied and said, "We've heard about it 
and think it's neat," the dean of stu- 
dents has said. 

Tinless colleges ga ta the extreme 
that Antioch did, where every sexual 
encounter is subject to school policy, 
students are on their own trying to 
figure out whar's OK. Nearly half the 
male students we surveyed (and almost 
40 percent of the female students) ex- 
pressed concern that something they 
might say or do would be misinterpret- 
ed. Nearly 40 percent felt that sexual 
behavior has become more of a politi- 
cal than a personal issue on campus. 
This is true especially among men. 
Says Michael Meiners, a junior at 
Northwestern University, “There is a 
feeling of powerlessness on campus” 
when it comes to relationships and sex. 

Many students have eliminated casu- 
al sex from their lives. Forty-five per- 
cent (notably women and those under 
age 21) insisted they do not have inter- 
course without an emotional commit- 
ment. “Everybody seems to be into 
having very serious relationships,” says 
Marjorie Jones, a freshman at North- 
western. "The guys don't want to date 
around. Maybe it’s because the people 
I know want a long-term commitment 
that they're not having casual sex.” 

"That's probably a matter of age. Ju- 
nior and senior men and women still 
have ashot at getting lucky ata party: A 
lusty 61 percent of those 21 and older 
were ready to take a tumble without 
commitment. And great numbers of 

(concluded on page 153) 


BEAUTIFUL SCREAMER 


five fast-lane fliers for those with the guts and the bucks 


MODERN LIVING 
BY KEN GROSS 


PICTURED ON these pages are five coupes that defy the social order, thumb their FERRARI 456GT 2+2 
alloy noses at environmental concerns and exist solely to thrill a few lucky own- 

ers. The BMW 850CSi, slowest of our picks, tops out at 155 miles per hour, and Ferrari's 456GT 2+2 is a grand tour- 
that’s only because it has a rey limiter. The fastest of the wild bunch, the 186- er that offers the kind of blinding 
mph Ferrari 456GT 2+2 and the 202-mph Lamborghini Diablo УТ, can blur the performance sports car manufactur- 
scenery in split seconds when you drop the hammer—and the Ferrari can doit ers only dreamed about a decade 
with four adults aboard. The Acura NSX-T and the Lotus Esprit 545 get 17 to 19 ago. Subtle but classic styling, а 
miles per gallon around town, but the remaining three are lucky to see ten to 12 comfortable leather-trimmed interi- 
miles per gallon, and that's only if they're driven on tiptoes. АП but the Diablo or and room for four adults set new 
offer dual air bags. The Lamborghini has none (their next model will) but Ferrari standards. Zero-to-60 time 
counters with a sophisticated all-wheel-drive system. On the street, our selec- is about five seconds. Top speed is 
tions range from tractable to mind-boggling. The (text concluded on page 156) а mere 186 mph. Price: $207,000. 


РА LOTUS ESPRIT 545 


Far left: Although Lotus has restyled 
its latest 545 inside and out, the 
car’s $71,840 price isn’t stratospher- 
ic. For the money, you get a sexy- 
looking machine that is extraordi- 
narily quick, powered by a 264-hp 
four-cylinder engine midmounted 
for superb handling. Sixty comes up 
in about five seconds; 165 mph is the 
top end. That's fast enough for us. 


ACURA NSX-T 


Left: Acura’s $81,000 NSX-T is a tar- 
ga-topped version of the two-seater 
that shook up European car manu- 
facturers when it burst onto the au- 
tomotive scene five years ago. The 
NSX-T also features а new transmis- 
sion that can be operated in auto- 
matic or shifted with the flip of a 
lever. Zero-to-60 time and top 
speed are similar to the Esprit’s. 


, BMW 850CSi 


The flagship of BMW’s 8-Series, the 
850CSi sports coupe is the only pro- 
duction car to combine a six-speed 
manual transmission with a 5.6-liter 
V12 engine. Punch it ond pray. You'll 
hit 60 mph in 5.3 seconds and top 
out at 155 mph about 35 seconds 
later. Think of it as a high-speed 
men’s club, all napa leather and rich 
burnished wood. Price: $100,950. 


LAMBORGHINI DIABLO VT 


Low, fast and intimidating, the 
$239,000 12-cylinder Lamborghini 
Diablo has been every man’s auto- 
motive Holy Grail since the model 
was introduced in 1990. With all- 
wheel drive, traction has been im- 
proved and the car's intimidation 
factor is up another notch. The Dia- 
blo's stats are impressive. Zero to 60: 
four seconds. Top speed: 202 mph. 


84 


NOW THAT THE EX-CHAMP IS AN EX-CON, 
CAN HE SAVE BOXING—AND HIMSELF? 


ARTICLE BY VIC ZIEGEL 


FOR THREE YEARS, Mike Tyson stayed in the same Indiana zip 
code, behind the same walls, while we followed the bounc- 
ing heavyweight crown from the man with the heart prob- 
lem to the man who wanted to puta kitchen in his bedroom 
tothe man who couldn't decide if he wanted to beat up cops 
or become one, and finally to the old cheeseburger-eater 
who could make Mike Tyson rich enough to buy his own 
prison. 

They weren't a terrific three years for the heavyweight di- 
vision, but at least they're over. Now Tyson, the former 
champ, the former 929835, is finally back in a gym, punch- 
ing and being punched. Ready to do for boxing what his 
stay in the Indiana Youth Center was supposed to do for his 
life: Make it better. 

He was a few months away from his 26th birthday, con- 
victed of raping an 18-year-old contestant in the Miss Black 
America pageant, when an Indianapolis judge gave the 
boxer a chance to address the court. The judge would listen 
and pass sentence and maybe if Tyson said all the right 
things, and apologized, and sounded as if he meant it, 
and—forget it. He spoke for 11 minutes, rambled mostly, 
but there was nothing dose to an apology. “I don't come 
here begging for mercy,” he said. "I've been crucified, 
humiliated worldwide,” he said. “My conduct was kind of 
crass. I have not raped anyone. I'm sure she knows that,” 
he said. 

It was a walkover for the judge. She sentenced him to ten 


COME 


OUT 
SWINGING 


ILLUSTRATION EY GREG SPALENKA 


a 


> 


LG 


PLAY ВОТ 


86 


years and suspended the last four. With 
time off for good behavior, which 
seemed like a long shot, he would be 
free in three years. He handed his 
watch and беріп to an attorney and 
hugged Camille Ewald, the woman 
who helped raise him after he came out 
of reform school at the age of 13. The 
next day's headline was: WHICH TYSON 
WILL EMERGE FROM BEHIND BARS? 

Tyson the fighter, they meant. And 
that's still a question worth asking. The 
Indiana Youth Center is a no-boxing 
prison. No gloves, no ring, no ring an- 
nouncer telling the crowd to drive 
home safely. Nobody for Tyson to box 
but his own shadow. He went in angry, 
and it cost him. Three weeks after his 
arrival, he exchanged words with a 
guard. Words, it turns out, are con- 
doned; words that come across as 
threats are rule breakers. And these 
were threats from Mike Tyson, who 
once said he would punch an oppo- 
nent's nosebone back into his brain. 
The new kid on the cell block was ban- 
ished toa lockdown unit and six weeks 
were added to his sentence. He had 
learned a lesson every bit as useful as 
“Tuck in your chin.” 

The people who made the 15- 
minute drive on U.S. 40 from the In 
anapolis airport to visit Tyson 
ing at the signs for company 
and hayridee came back with uni- 
formly cheerful descriptions. “He was 
at peace with himself mentally,” says 
Stan Hoffman, a fight manager whose 
niece once dated Tyson. He says Tyson 
calls him Uncle Stan. ^Mike's had plen- 
ty of time to heal. He wasn't running. 
with women, wasn't drinking, wasn't 
doing drugs. I think he'll be murder- 
ous. A destruction machine. A mon- 
ster,” says Uncle Stan. 

The prison is a medium-security fa- 
cility, and Tyson lived behind a steel 
door, in a room that he shared with 
another inmate. Several times a day, 
Tyson used the phone in the hall, but 
not to make collect calls, as other pris- 
oners did. Tyson preferred dialing Jay 
Bright, one of his cornermen, and 
Bright would then conference in the 
caller Tyson wanted. 

“He would ask after Camille and the 
birds,” Bright says. The birds are 200 
pigeons, homers, tumblers, fancies, 
highfiers, who live in a two-story coop, 
complete with balcony, not far from 
Ewald's house in Catskill, New York. 
“He loves the leaders, the birds who 
make the others work,” Bright says. 
“The leaders take the other birds so 
high in the sky you almost can't see 
them.” 

It’s hard to tell how much money 
Tyson has left—Don King's ledgers are 
said to be kept on the head of a 


match—but there’s certainly enough to 

handle the bird-talk phone bills that 
were charged and sent to Ewald’s Vic- 
torian home. Fourteen years ago 
Camille's brother-in-law, Cus D'Amato, 
the brilliant and iconoclastic trainer 
who guided Floyd Patterson to the 
heavyweight title, became Tyson's legal 
guardian. He was convinced that the 
kid from Brooklyn would be his last 
champion. The old man was right. 
When the 20-year-old Tyson won the 
title, becoming the youngest heavy- 
weight champ in history, he returned 
to Catskill and poured champagne 
over Cus’ grave. 

Last fall, not too many minutes af- 
ter Oliver McCall's shocking second- 
round knockout of WBG champion 
Lennox Lewis, the phone rang in my 
home. Bright was on the line, saying, 
“Somebody wants to talk with you.” It 
was Tyson, eager to hear about his old 
sparring partner's success. It didn't 
bother him a bit that if Lewis had kept 
his share of the title, he and Tyson 
might have been an important match. 
“Не never struck me as a guy who real- 
ly wanted to fight,” Tyson said. “He 
wasn't good for the division, wasn't ex- 
citing. McCall will talk some trash. 
There's a chance to bring some excite- 
ment into the division.” 

The truth is, Tyson himselfis the best 
chance for excitement, not the parade 
ot champions who tripped over шет- 
selves while Tyson was in storage. “The 
champs and the contenders, they 
should thank God I'm in here," Tyson 
said that night. “They wouldn't have a 
career otherwise. I'm not saying that to 
be arrogant. It's the truth. It's a bless- 
ing for them that I came to this place." 

He was talking about Evander Holy- 
field, who later discovered he had a 
hole in his heart; Riddick Bowe, a gen- 
Че champ from Tyson's old neighbor- 
hood, Brownsville, who announced he 
was building a mansion with a kitchen 
in the master bedroom; Michael Moor- 
er, once arrested for breaking a cop's 
jaw and more excited about a career in 
law enforcement than keeping his title; 
and 46-year-old George Foreman, who 
withstood a beating into the tenth 
round of his bout last year, losing every 
minute, before knocking out Moorer 
with one perfect prayer ofa punch. 

Where was Mr. Excitement? Sitting 
in a prison library, reading Cyrano de 
Bergerac. “The guy with the big nose,” 
Tyson told mc. “He was a soldier, and 
they said to him, ‘If you're such a great 
soldier, where are your medals?” And 
Cyrano said to them, ‘I don't need 
medals. I wear my adornments on my 
soul.’ I read that and 1 went, ‘Wow! 
That's те." 

He told Pete Hamill, another visitor, 
that he had read Machiavelli. “He 


wrote about the world we live in. The 
way it really is, without all the bullshit. 
Not just in The Prince butalso in The Art 
of War, Discourses. He saw how impor- 
tant it is to find out what someone's 
motivation is. What do they want? 
What do they want, man?” 

Tyson went to class and learned 
about decimals. The next time he 
fights for millions will be the first ime 
he'll be able to figure out his share. 
He read Shakespeare and Hemingway, 
and about how Hemingway said he 
didn't ever want to go ten rounds with 
Tolstoy. So Tyson took on this Tol- 
stoy guy. 

He had a prison artist tattoo a like- 
ness of Arthur Ashe on one bicep, Mao 
on the other, He becamea Muslim. For 
the first time in years, nobody was 
pushing him or pulling him. In years 
past, pushing and pulling were his life. 
Once, he threw punches at a heavy- 
weight named Mitch "Blood" Green on 
a Harlem street at four a.m. Tyson was 
in the neighborhood to pick up a white 
leather jacket at an after-hours cloth- 
ing store called Dapper Dan's. The 
words on the jacket were DON'T BELIEVE 
THE HYPE. 

He was the champ, 22 years old, 
knocking everybody out, running wild. 
‘Two weeks later, he drove his BMW in- 
to а tree and knocked himself out. The 
New York Daily News called it a suicide 
attempt caused by a chemical imbal- 
ance. Another three weeks passed and 
his wife, actress Robin Givens, told 
Barbara Walters on camera that their 
marriage was “torture, pure hell.” She 
called him a manic-depressive. Tyson 
sat at her feet, losing every round. 
Tyson's response came 72 hours later; 
he threw furniture through their man- 
sion windows. 

Prison cuts down on those kinds of 
headline opportunities. At the Indiana 
Youth Center, he ran many miles and 
counted thousands of sit-ups and push- 
ups and leg lifts. He went in weighing 
close to 250 pounds and lost about 30. 
He lifted some weights, because they 
were there, but that isn't what boxers 
should be doing to their bodies. And 
there was no doubt in his mind that he 
would box again. (“What else am I go- 
ing to do, man, be a nuclear scientist?") 
More important, he said, “I'm rested. 
I'm getting the best rest of my life.” 

Eddie Mustafa Muhammad, a for- 
mer light heavyweight champion, now 
a trainer, was another visitor who came 
away impressed. “He embraced Islam 
and he’s changed,” Muhammad said. 
“We spoke the Arabic prayer, in Arabic, 
and he led it. He’s been taught well. 
He'll be different.” 

Different? 


(continued on page 154) 


“Toe just experienced real state-of-the-art dexterity.” 


The recent revival af Faster, Pussycat! 
Kill! Kill! has put Russ Meyer in the spot- 
light once again, with legions of movie- 
goers—including some feminist critics— 
reevaluating his work. One writer 
opined, “He's ап editing genius with a 
gift for surrealistic narrative.” And that 
doesn't even touch his unconny ability 


to cast pravocatively named women 
wha hove large breasts. The filmmak- 
er's oeuvre has never been far from the 
public eye, with film festivals and even 
scholarly treatises devoted to his work. 
Here he poses with Pandora Peaks (also 
seen below and at right), stor of Mey- 
ег5 forthcoming Her Life and Times. 


88 


BY ROGER EBERT 


very YEAR at Christmas, Russ Meyer visits his 
mother's grave. On trips around the country, he 
often visits the gravesides of old Army buddies, 
and those who are still living can count on tickets from him 
if they can't afford the fare to the Signal Corps reunion he 
hosts every year. Meyer, whose popular image as king of the 
skin flicks suggests a leering bra-chaser, is in private intense- 
ly loyal to friends and family, and he would as soon have din- 
ner with his ancient ex-sergeant as with a buxom starlet. 

Search through the credits of his 
23 films, from 1959's The Immoral 
Mr. Teas through 1979's Beneath the 
Valley of the Ultravixens, and you will 
find the same crew names over and 
over: Ryan, Owens and the rest. He 
met some of them when they were 
in the Signal Corps, carrying 16mm. 
newsreel cameras into battle. While 
some X-rated filmmakers might 
consider their productions to be in- 
vitations to an orgy, a Meyer shoot is 
conducted more like an Army long 
march, and the last activity you will 
find on his locations is sex. 

Haji, an exotic dancer who has 
worked on many Meyer films both 
in front of and behind the cameras, 
remembers the director's invariable 
warning to cast members on the first 
day of shooting: No sex! “He didn't 
want us looking tired and depleted 
in the morning,” she says. When 
Meyer was making Faster, Pussycat! 
Kill! Kill!, he heard that Tura Satana 


ce 


might have slipped out of her motel for a midnight ren- 
dezvous, so he nailed her room windows shut. He told me: 
“The picture would be destroyed if the star went out into the 
desert one night and got bitten on the ass by a rattlesnake.” 

Meyer uses his productions, I believe, to recapture the joy 
he felt during the formative and most enjoyable period of 
his life—the war. It was then that he formed lifelong friend- 
ships, discovered his skill as a cameraman and experienced, 
in a French bordello, his sexual awakening with a buxom 
partner who became the archetype 
of the R.M. woman. 

Meyer is, of course, the most fa- 
mous breast man of his generation, 
maybe of any generation. When I 

hi 1968, he was casting for 
Harry & Raquel, and his ad in 
Daily Variety mentioned only one 
prerequisite for female applicants: 
BUILT! Asked once where he finds 
the amazingly contoured women in 
his movies, he replied, “After they 
get above a certain cup size, they 
find me.” 

In an unexpected way, Meyers 
love of breasts has been his fortune. 
His films have never expressed 
much interest in what goes on below 
the belt, and when hard-core porno 
came along, he included himself 
out. Like all artists who idealize the 
human body, he is more interested 
in form than in function 

Although Meyer was for many 
years the target of feminists, in 


The 1965 Meyer movie Motorpsycho! (starring 
Holle К. Winters, above), about wor vets who 
oct out their angst on motorcycles, is credited 
with launching the Sixties wave of outlow bik- 
er movies. Three years later, Meyer releosed 
Finders Keepers, Lovers Weepers! in which 
cdulterous lovers Anne Chapman ond Gordon 
Wescourt (below) have an aquatic ossignation. 


The Immoral Mr. Teas, Meyer's 1959 
breakthrough movie, features W. Ellis 
Teas in the title role as a man who sees 


all women without their clothes. Below, 
he discusses the problem with his psy- 
chiatrist, played by Michele Roberts. 


Babette Bardot (above), Russ Meyer's girl- 
friend in the late Sixties, took a lead role 
in Common-Law Cabin, released in 1967. 
Below, Darlene Grey cavorts with her tran- 
sistor radio in Mondo Topless, Meyer's 
1966 quasidocumentary homage to go- 
go-girl culture and, according to the film's 
ad copy, “unrestrained female anatomy.” 


Director John Waters once referred 
to Meyer's 1966 film Faster, Pussycat! 
Kill! Kill! os the greatest movie ever 
mode. Lori Willioms, Ной ond Tura 
Satona (right) ploy с trio of domi- 
nont women who love lo hurt men. 


recent times revisionist critics 
have argued that his films are, in 
fact, pro-woman. Even such a 
committed feminist as B. Ruby 
Rich, writing recently in the Vil- 
lage Voice, devoted a full page to a 
reevaluation of Pussycat, a film 
she once despised but now values 
because of its images of strong 
women who exercise their wills. 

If there are mindless sex ob- 
jects in an R.M. film, they are in- 
variably his male leads, who are 
tantalized, tempted, dominated, 
thrown around, tortured, used, 
abused, cast aside or simply 
smothered by powerful women. 
Consider the insecure rock- 
group manager in Beyond the Val- 
ley of the Dolls and the husbands 
in Lorna and Ultravixens who fail 
to respond to the hungry invita- 
tions of their oversexed wives. 
The hero of Uliravixens is so wit- 
less he doesn’t even recognize 
his own wife when he encounters 
her working as a nightclub 
stripper. 

So consistent is this pattern of 
powerful—if half-naked—wom- 
en that in Beyond the Valley of the 
Dolls, the male villain, before he 


Eve Meyer (above) was the director's 
second wife and the lead in Eve and 
the Handyman. Her husband, work- 
ing os a photographer, introduced 
her in PLAYBOY os Miss June 1955. 


Kitten Netividod (below left) wos on exatic dancer wham Russ Meyer elevoted ta star status in 
1979 through her appearance in the dual rales af Lavania ond Lola Langusta in Beneath the Val- 
ley of the Ultravixens. Lorna, made in 1964, told the tale of a sexuclly repressed country girl. Its 
stor, Lorna Maitland [below right), was pregnant during the filming, which enhanced her bustline. 


Edy Williams (above), Meyer's third wife, was pregnant during the filming af Beyand the 
Valley af the Dolls. Roger Ebert co-scripted the mavie, which was released in 1970. (Mey- 
er says that his Motorpsycho! star Holle K. Winters was also with child during filming, os was 
Darlene Grey in Manda Tapless. No one needed ta tell Russ Meyer that pregnant women. 
ere sexy.) Below, Uschi Digard is one of the man-dominating femmes іп 19755 Supervixens. 


Cynthia Myers (above), the December 
1968 PLAYBOY Ploymate, appeared in Be- 
yond the Valley af the Dolls. Russ Meyer's 
work continues with the forthcoming The 
Bra of God, featuring Staa Keith (below) as 
the deity's well-endowed wife. Roger Ebert 
claims credit for inventing the catchy title 


Another example of Meyer's early 
genre busting was the 1961 movie 
Wild Gals of the Naked West! with 
Julie Williams (right) cost in the role 
of “the Bosom.” Miss May 1966, 
Dolly Read (far right), oppeared in 
Beyond the Valley of the Dolls, olong 
with fellow Ploymote Cynthia Myers. 


goes on a killing rampage, re- 
veals himself to have been a 
woman all along. Meyer is almost 
unique in the world of popular 
eroticism in seeing women not as 
passive victims but as aggressive 
sexual beings who demand that 
their needs be met. 

One of the reasons Faster, Pus- 
sycat! Kill! Kill! is having such a 
surprising box office revival 
around the world is that it argues 
for those images in such a dra- 
matic way. Audiences cheer as 
the heroine attempts to crush the 
hapless hero against a wall with 
her Porsche, her stiletto heel 
jamming down on the accelera- 
tor as the hero’s muscles bulge 
in an attempt to save himself. 
Meyer builds the climax with 
quick cuts between the gas pedal, 
the muscles, the car wheels spin- 
ning, the hero's desperate face 
and Satana’s fierce, dark eyes. 

Meyer holds all rights to his 
films, and they have made him 
very rich. He does not offer dis- 
counts to video stores, nor docs 
he (text concluded on page 150) 


The 1963 movie Heavenly Bodies 
(above) hit close to PLAYBOY'S home: 
how glomour photographers work 
with gorgeous nude models. The 
poster’s lower-right-hond corner 
corries o rendering of Meyer's sec- 
ond wife, Eve. He photographed his 
latest discovery, Pandoro Peoks (right), 
for the Germon edition of PLAYBOY. 


94 


SKEEKS 


as a nation mourns its favorite TV 
stor, boy cartwright, ace reporter for the 
world's trashiest tabloid, gets the 


real story behind a mysterious death 


fiction by DONALD E. WESTLAKE 


® НЕ JANGLE of the telephone 
eventually dragged the miserable Boy Cartwright up to the 
surface of the planet earth from his drug-induced sleep—the 
only kind of sleep he ever got—to find himselfin his own rum- 
pled bed in his own unspeakable room, with Florida sunlight 
like radiation poisoning at the edges of the thick, dark window 
shades. To one side of him sprawled in wanton stupor a re- 
porter named Trixie, or so she claimed, while on the other side 
stood a half-empty—nothing in Boy's life was half-full—bottle 
of flat champagne and the squawking telephone. The phone 
could wait. First, Boy finished the champagne. 

This must be a Saturday or a Sunday. Otherwise, he would 
have awakened at work with the sudden twitch-jump that told 
his co-workers at the world’s most successful (and therefore 
most reprehensible) supermarket tabloid that the decayed Boy 
Cartwright brain had yet again chosen to rejoin the decaying 
Boy Cartwright body. So if this was a weekend, and if the tele- 
phone would not stop that noise, the Weekly Galaxy itself must 
be calling with news of the world. A task. Another opportunity 
for Boy Cartwright, maggot-infested Englishman, to prove 
himself the star on the Galaxy staff. 

Champagne ingested, Boy at last picked up the phone: “Are 


ILLUSTRATION BY DANIEL TORRES 


PIL АСИЛИ Oey. 


you there?” 

“Are you awake?” 

“Ah, Mr. Scarpnafe,” Boy said. "De- 
lightful to hear your voice.” 

“Skeeks is dead,” Scarpnafe an- 
nounced. He had, in fact, a voice like a 
ferret with a hernia. 

“Ah,” said Boy, knowing that sooner 
or later someone would tell him what 
that sentence meant. 

“In Los Angeles.” 

That was no help. “Ah,” Boy said. 

“We'll want the whole thing. Get 
there before the cremation.” 

“Yes, of course.” 

“And we'll definitely want the body 
in the box.” 

“Consider the matter done,” Boy 
said and reached out to tug at Trixie's 
nether hair. "I'm assembling my team 
already.” 

“Good Boy,” Scarpnafe said, and 
p the phone. 


|, "Are you 
ever going to do anything pleasant 
with that hand?” 

“Of course. Who is Skeeks?” 

“A dog. A German shepherd. With a 
great big tongue, like yours.” 


The Galaxy stringer who met Boy 
and his team of four reporters at LAX 
was a personal trainer named Jim Jem- 
my, who would have been much more 
successful at his chosen career were it 
not for his insuppressible body odor, a 
personal tragedy that forced him to 
supplement his income with other less 
savory tasks, such as working for the 
Galaxy. “I got us a house in Venice," he 
announced as Boy and the team ap- 
proached him and then stepped back. 
“Less than two miles from Skeeks' 
place in Santa Monic: 

“Wonderful,” said Boy. “Lead on.” 

On the plane coming out, Boy had 
been brought up to speed on the late 
Skeeks, who had been, it seemed, a lov- 
able German shepherd, as if there 
could be such a thing. For three years 
Skeeks had portrayed the adorable 
pooch on an extremely successful sit- 
com, and when the human male lead of 
that show decided to throw it all in for 
the glories of failure as a motion ри 
ture star, the mail bemoaning the di 
appearance of Skeeks from the nation's 
screens (they're that stupid, and yet 
they can read and write, marveled Boy) 
was so overwhelming (the word av- 
alanche was used in all press releases 
on the subject) that the network 
brought Skeeks back the next season 
with his very own sitcom, called Skeeks, 
in which he portrayed the dog in a 
man-and-dog vaudeville act. The idea 
at the heart of this series—that there 
at this moment, in the secondary ci 


of America, a thriving circuit of vaude- 
ville theaters—was not the most out- 
landish suggestion ever made on televi- 
sion, and it was accepted without a 
murmur, as was Skeeks’ partner on 
Skeeks, a comedian named Bill Terry, 
who when sober could juggle, sing, 
ride a unicycle and remember jokes. 

Sleeks was now in its fifth year, its 
popularity through the roof and still 
climbing. Just this year a third regular 
had been added, little Tommy Little, 
winsome child, already another audi 
ence darling. Skeeks himself was a ro- 
bust nine-year-old with his own pro- 
duction company to handle the details 
of endorsements and other residual in- 
come. Away from the set, he lived qui- 
etly on an estate in Santa Monica just a 
few blocks from the sea. He was said to 
be the cast favorite among the writers. 

And now Skecks was dead, unex- 
pectedly, calamitously. A stunned na- 
tion mourned the dog it had taken to 
its heart. The president had been quot- 
ed on the morning news shows as say- 
ing, “Thank God my mom passed away 
before this happened. It would have 
killed he: 

Celebrity deaths, along with celebrity 
weddings, celebrity hanky-panky, im- 
probable diets, visits from outer space 
and dubious arthritis cures, were the 
bread and butter of the Galaxy. When a 
celeb went down, the entire career 
could be rehashed just one more time. 
Earlier sins and scandals could be 
evoked in order to express forgiveness 
at this time of grief, and a final photo of 
the departed, lying in a casket, would 
be featured on the front page of the 
next issue: seven days of waxy dead 
flesh, in color, next to the cough drops 
at the cash register. 

Frequently, the selfish and narrow- 
minded friends and relatives of the de- 
ceased didn't want that particular pic- 
ture taken and might even take steps to 
prevent it. The pic of the body in the 
box was thus often a difficult and ex- 
pensive proposition, with bribes to pay, 
bones to set, reporters to be bailed out 
of the slammer. Of all the Galaxy’s tal- 
ented and unscrupulous staff, Boy 
Cartwright was the most consistently 
successful in getting the body in the 
box. This time would be no exception. 

A dog would be different. There 
would be no list of marriages to go 
through, no extramarital affairs or his- 
tory of support for wimpy environ- 
mental causes, no statements on record 
to demonstrate the decedent's nobility 
or earthiness or Americanism. No stock 
photos of this celeb playing golf with 
Glen Campbell. 

Nevertheless, Boy now understood 
that Skeeks was (a) beloved and (b) a 
star. The funeral, in Forest Lawn's Wee 
Kirk o' the Heather, would be the 


largest send-off there since that tramp 
what's-her-name. There would be a 
full day of viewing the body—what a 
challenge for the hairdresser that 
would be!—and then the flames. This 
was a major celebrity death, no matter 
the species of the celebrity, and Boy in- 
tended to give it the full treatment. 

Beginning with the house. Whenev- 
er there was a top-of-the-line story like 
this, the Galaxy's first move was to send 
a local stringer out to rent a house, a 
modest, plain, ordinary house in a 
modest, plain, ordinary neighborhood. 
Eight to 12 phone lines would be put 
in, most of the furniture taken out, the 
local authorities reassured that this was 
not a bookie's office, and then the reg- 
ular Galaxy staffers would fly in from 
Florida, ready to do battle: The mo- 
rons of the world deserve the facts! 

Why a house? Why not rooms in 
some hotel or motel? The Galaxy needs 
privacy, and the Galaxy well knows how 
easy hotel staffers are to bribe. Galaxy 
phone calls should not go through a 
hotel switchboard, the people the Gal- 
axy interviews should not be seen in a 
hotel lobby. Believing in privacy for no 
one else, the Galaxy absolutely requires 
it for itself. 

The house for the Skeeks offensive 
was å flea-bitten one-story stucco cot- 
tage near one of the nonexistent canals 
that give Venice, California its name. 
Occupied by an ever-shifting bevy of 
flight attendants, the house was al- 
ways available for profitable short-term 
rental, since these young women never 
lacked entirely for alternate accommo- 
dations. Normally, the house looked 
exactly like a den of iniquity, but with 
its beds replaced by phones, fax ma- 
chines and long tables bearing rows of 
telephones and notebook computers, 
with its largest bathroom converted to 
a darkroom, the place looked like no 
fun at all. 

Here Boy assembled his team: Trixie 
and three other staffers, Jim Jemmy, 
three local photographers who often 
did piecework for the Galaxy, plus two 
more longtime stringers, one a bar- 
tender and the other a famous limou- 
sine driver. “At ease, ladies and gentle- 
men,” Boy said unnecessarily. Gazing 
around with the slow insolent smile of 
command he said, “You are in good 
hands now. Boy will lead you. Trixie, 
did Skeeks ever father a child?” 

“No idea.” She appeared to be a bit 
hungover, 

“Learn, dear,” Boy said and went on 
to give the other peons their initial as- 
signments: cause of death, disposition 
of the estate, friends and enemies, ri- 
vals (if any), ownership of the animal 
(even millionaire dogs, like senators, 
belong to somebody), future of the 

(continued on page 122) 


PLAY BOY GALLERY 


raphing celebrities and pictorials. In our January 
amorous portraits of the stars 1983 issue the Hurrell treatment was lavished on Shannon 

5 golden era, from Jean Harlow to Humphrey Tweed, the 1982 Playmate of the Year. Her appearances in 

Bogart. He brought his magic to rLavvov during the Eight- PLAYBOY have led to a thriving career in television and films 


$ 60605866 
o ees 


OUR TIES won't start a con- manocHromE 


versation this season, ‚but 

they may inspire an occa- 

sional caress. That's be. ПЕСИШЕНН IS THE 

cause texture is the key 
characteristic of summer neckwear. Ties FEEL-GOOD WAY 
made of solid colors and feel-good fab- 
rics, such as raw and woven silk, bring a 
rich, tactile quality to lightweight mals TO BE COOL 
and sports jackets. Pictured here are six 
of the best. Tie one on. Left to right: Raw THIS SUMMER 
silk tie from Loosen Up by Superba, 
$27.50. Silk satin tie from Polo by Ralph 
Lauren, $78. Silk-woven pin-dot tic by 
Audrey Buckner, about $75. Striped 
jacquard silk tie by Tino Cosma, $85. 
Jacquard box-checked silk tie by Villa 
Bugatti, $42.50. Parquet-patterned silk 
knit tie by Nick Hilton Collection, about 
$60. (The rimless specs with an etched 
nose bridge and temples, about $230, and 
the amber frame retro-look style, about 
$150, are both by Calvin Klein Eyewear.) 


ca wer 


= u ? 
PHOTOGRAPHY BY JAMES IMBROGNO — 


Fashion by HOLLIS WAYNE 


ee 


Г 
UTE С, 


rr / 


PLAYBOY PROFILE 


BY ROBERT GOLDBERG 
AND 
GERALD JAY GOLDBERG 


TED TURNERS fist slammed down on the lectern, 
startling the noontime crowd that had gathered 
to hear him late last year at Washington's Nation- 
al Press Club. “They're holding me back!" he 
exclaimed. Turner looked out over the audience, 
his blue eyes narrowing. “I'll tell you one thing: 
We ran a story on clitorectomies. Most people 
don't know about it, but millions of women have 
their clitorises cut off before they are ten or 12 
years old, so they can't have fun in sex. Between 
50 percent and 80 percent of Egyptian girls have 
had their clits cut off. You talk about barbaric 
mutilation. . . .” He leaned toward his audience 
as if sharing a confidence. “Well, Гт angry. I'm 
being dlitorized by Time Warner.” 

The crowd laughed in disbelief, 

“1hat's exactly right,” turner plunged on, 
“and I don’t like it any more than those women 
do. If Egyptians think it’s bad for women to want 
sex, then why don't they cut off the heads of the 


CITIZEN 


little whackers of the ten-year-old boys over 
there, too, and make it an even-steven deal? . . . I 
want to play in the big game. I don’t want to be 
pushed around anymore.” 

You'd think that Ted Turner—who already has 
seven networks, three movie companies, a dozen 
homes, a huge chunk of Montana, a warehouse 
full of sailing trophies and an aerobically toned 
cinema goddess for a wife—has just about every- 
thinga man might want to make him happy. But 
here he is at 56, his hair now silver, his face crag- 
gy, ready to embark on yet another battle. It's the 
latest in a war Ted Turner has been waging for 
more than a decade—a war to gain control of a 
major Hollywood studio and a major broadcast 
network. And make no mistake about it, Ted 
"Lurner is never happier than when he is at war. 

Half visionary, half crackpot, Turner is an 
all-American character. Entrepreneur, risk-taker, 
thrill-sceker, hard-charging winner, lover of fast 


TURNER 


HOW CAPTAIN TED 


SNATCHED VICTORY—AND 


UNTOLD MILLIONS—FROM 


THE WORST DEAL 


OF HIS LIFE 


ILLUSTRATION BY DAVIOLEVINE 


PLAYBOY 


boats, fast deals and even faster 
women—tabloid Ted Turner is all of 
these. He's the wild man of American 
business. But he is also something 
more. 

Like Carnegie and Rockefeller, the 
robber barons of the 19th century, or 
Ford and the other assembly-line 
princes of the early 20th century, Tur- 
ner is a magnate for his time—a media 
tycoon for a media age. He has been 
called one of the three most important 
men in the history of television. 
Muscling his way into our living rooms 
with his Cable News Network, he has 
changed the way we look at the world. 
From the war in Iraq to the O.J. Simp- 
son trial, people everywhere—secre- 
taries and secretaries of state—are 
watching history as it unfolds through 
the eyes of CNN. And Ted Turner 
owns those eyes. 

His story, filled with ups and downs, 
is a tale of sailing triumphs and marital 
failures, of bold and outrageous deals, 
each one riskier than the last. It’s the 
story of a man who took a small UHF 
station in Georgia and—using the busi- 
ness precepts his father had instilled in 
him at the end of a coat hanger—built 
it into an $8 billion global media 
conglomerate. 

Behind the rise of this American ty- 
coon is a simple motto, a business goal 
he can state in six words: “I would like 
10 own everything.” What he needs to- 
day are the same things he has needed 
since the early Eighties—a bigger sup- 
ply of shows to put on the air and a big- 
ger audience for those shows. In other 
words, a major studio and a broadcast. 
network. That's why he's been talking 
mergers and acquisitions for almost 15 
years. Thar's why he tried to buy out 
CBS in his famous hostile takeover bid 
in 1985. And that's why, after the spec- 
tacular failure of the CBS attempt, 
MGM/UA owner Kirk Kerkorian knew 
the time was ripe to give him a call. He 
knew that Ted Turner wasn't about to 
pass up another opportunity to ex- 
pand his empire. 

The MGM deal, as it unfolded, was a 
classic example of the Ted Turner way 
of doing business, the style that has 
marked his career from the earliest 
days—a style of high-profile mega- 
deals, of quick-draw decisions and in- 
tense battles, big wagers and big mis- 
takes that, more often than not, 
somehow turn out OK in the end. In its 
successes and in its failures, Turner’s 
purchase of MGM would lay the foun- 
dation for the shape of Ted Turner’s 
empire today. 

Only a few days after the CBS deal 
collapsed, Kerkorian was on the phone 
with Turner. A quiet, low-key financier, 


Kerkorian had made a fortune in the 
irplane business, and he understood 
timing. Turner was still smarting from 
his CBS 1055, so much that he wouldn't 
even admit that he had lost. He was still 
talking about proxy fights 

"Ted," Kerkorian said, “I admire 
what you've tried to accomplish with 
CBS. Let's see what we can do with 
MGM.” Kerkorian had owned the old 
Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer film studio 
since the late Sixties. Through the ear- 
ly Eighties, he and Turner had been 
meeting about four times a year, trying 
to form а strategic partnership or а 
united company. On one September 
evening in 1982, Kerkorian and three 
of his senior executives went to Man- 
hattan for an early dinner with Turner 
at the New York Yacht Club. In fine 
form, Ted—a successful defender of 
the America’s Cup in 1977—showed 
the group around the club (the same 
dub that had once blackballed him), 
regaling them with stories of the great 
regattas. 

When the group finally settled down 
ata table in the darkened dining room, 
Turner, as always, was full of ideas: 
“Could we carve out two hours each 
night at TBS and just run MGM films? 
Could we carve out the weekends for 
MGM?” 

While no immediate plan came out 
of this dinner. Turner was clearly capti- 
vated by the notion of teaming up with 
MGM. His father had taught him that, 
in America, certain names stood for 
ity: in magazines, National Geo- 
in TV, CBS; in movies, MGM. 

So in July 1985, when Kerkorian 
spoke again with Turner on the phone, 
he knew he had an interested buyer, 
even if, on paper, MGM was no winner, 
In fact, the company had just posted a 
$66 million loss. As wily a deal maker as 
Kerkorian was, his movie track record 
had been poor. Through the early 
Eighties, the studio had run offa string 
of box-office Hops. On July 25, Kerko- 
rian told Turner that if he acted quick- 
ly, he could have MGM/UA for $1.5 bil- 
lion. “But,” he added, “I don’t want to 
sit here forever and not know whether 
I have a deal or not.” In fact, he didn't 
even want to wait two weeks. Putting 
the screws on, Kerkorian declared he 
would give Turner until August 6 to 
decide. After that, he was selling MGM 
at auction. 

With only two weeks to make a deci- 
sion on the biggest deal of his life, Ted 
sent Tumer Broadcasting into a mael- 
strom of activity. Forty lawyers and ac- 
countants, under chief financial officer 
Bill Bevins, were dispatched to MGM 
headquarters in Hollywood to examine 
the company's financial records. 

At the same time, Turner called a di- 


rectors' meeting to sell the MGM deal 
to his board. Bur even this essentially 
rubber-stamp group of Turner’s 
friends and employees had serious 
reservations. They wondered if their 
chairman was overreaching, and 
feared he was being led astray. “The di- 
rectors’ meeting at which MGM came 
up was like a baited trap,” one director 
recalls. It was a question of ego. After 
losing CBS, there was no way Turner 
could turn down the challenge. “He 
couldn't avoid it. He had to go for that 
goddamn deal.” 

‘Turner had plenty to say that day in 
Atlanta, and he spoke with passion. He 
didn't like TBS’ strategic position. To 
be a long-term player in this business, 
he said, you either had to grow in view- 
ership (the CBS deal) or in the pro- 
grams you owned (the MGM deal). 
And TBS wasn't strong enough in ei- 
ther: "It's essential to have this addi- 
tional programming to make TBS 
competitive," he said. “We gotta do this 
to survive." 

He described just how valuable the 
MGM movie library would be to super- 
station WTBS, his core business. “Mov- 
ie fees are rising,” he said. “Every time 
we sign a new contract to air films, it's 
more, more, more.” Profits would keep 
shrinking. But imagine owning all of 
those classic films. “How can you go 
broke buying the Rembrandts of the 
programming business when you are а 
programmer?” he asked. 

‘Turner was determined to step up to 
the big league. "It's a business where 
the big are getting bigger and the small 
are disappearing," he would say later. 
“I want to be one of the survivors. We 
need to do this," he said. "Let's get 
on it." And the board anxiously 
went along. 

On August 7, 1985 Turner signed a 
purchase agreement with Kerkorian to. 
buy MGM/UA for the asking price of 
$1.5 billion, or $29 a share. The deal 
would include the MGM studio, the fa- 
bled MGM lot in Culver City, Califor- 
nia and, most important, a library of 
more than 3500 MGM films, including 
1450 films from the old Warner and 
RKO studios—such classics as Gone 
With the Wind, The Maltese Falcon and 
Citizen Kane. Turner called the package 
a tremendous business opportunity 
and an “exceptional fit with the 
group’s long-term business plan.” 

Others were less generous. On both 
coasts, in Hollywood and on Wall 
Street, at Ma Maison and at the Four 
Seasons, guffaws could be heard. The 
way show-business executives figured 
it, Turner, the overly eager naif, was 
going to have his pockets emptied on 

(continued on page 130) 


"I am a time traveler. I come from the future. I have much 
to tell you regarding earth and the fate of mankind. But first, where can I 
buy a lottery ticket?” 


103 


west palm beach girl 
rhonda adams could help you get 
anyone outta your heart 


HELP UG, 


HEN THE kids in Rhonda Adams’ West Palm 


Beach neighborhood went looking for style, 

they found it on her front porch. That's where 

an eight-year-old Rhonda was giving free 
haircuts to anyone willing to sit for one. All comers got the same 
treatment—tong in back, short on the sides. “My mother re- 
marked how strange it was that everybody had the same hair- 
cut,” Rhonda says with a mischievous grin. 

Rhonda still loves making herself and others look good, (Her 
work here proves that point.) And although her mother has re- 
claimed her sewing scissors, Rhonda has kept her adventurous 
streak. “I'm willing to try anything once,” she says, a result of 
her mother's habit of volunteering her daughter for almost 
every activity. Accordingly, Rhonda has dabbled in flute, base- 
ball, dance, ballet, baton and cheerleading. 

She tells me this as she sips a soda at a restaurant on the 95th 


Rhonda tells us that her cocker spaniel, Chelsec, is good compony. 
“On rainy doys, I wotch movies with her," she soys. (Lucky dog.) The 
weother cooperated when Rhonda took a biplone ride. "I liked the 
open cir, ond you could see everything," she says. " But it was bumpy.” 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY RICHARD FEGLEY 


floor of the John Hancock Building in Chicago. The view up here has never been better, and I'm not even looking out the 
window. Rhonda continues chatting, oblivious to the attention she has been receiving from busboys and waiters and bar- 
tenders, Born in Georgia, Rhonda moved south with her mother when she was two. As soon as she was able, she began to 
master all things Floridian: bike riding, aerobics, jet skiing, Rollerblading and wearing a swimsuit. And she has made her 


mother proud. “Someone I've never met will come up to me and say, ‘Your mom showed me your modeling pictures,” 


Rhonda says. “That happens all the time.” 

Despite her reckless streak—days after getting her RX7, she struck а car driven by a teacher at her high school—Rhonda 
insists she’s now more safety conscious, at least some of the time. “I used to do front flips on the trampoline, but not any- 
more,” she says. She'll leave the flips to the rest of us. —CHIP ROWE 


PLAYMATE DATA SHEET 


BIRTH DATE: E 


AMBITIONS: 


(Ца 
And та ШЙ Susy Cot 
mons: COON DOS - (ЧК rAd- Koma 
ФО EUS MØ wo Non И Шү 


TURNOFFS: (AVC pod Sp lan MOL 


MU ah 004 


HOW TO IMPRESS ME: a 
1 [Yl X Ш% 
Pen 

O V 


MY PHOBIAS ARE: "|| CTs 


I JUDGE A MAN BY HIS: Д. any 2 


abot Nuf Ta: 


My ding Smell Good ASW ent I5" 


PLAYBOY’S PARTY JOKES 


Hello?” Hearing only heavy breathing on the 
the woman repeated, “Hello?” 

ТИ bet you want me to come into your bed- 
room,” a male voice whispered, “undress you, 
lick you from head to toe and make love to you 
until morning.” 

“Geez,” the woman replied, “you can tell all 
that from two hellos?” 


What do you call a clairvoyant's lover? A seer- 
sucker. 


The departments new boss was a beautiful, 
Harvard-educated young woman. Well into 
the festivities celebrating her promotion, 
McPherson strutted over to her with bloodshot 
eyes. “Boss or no boss,” he slurred, raising his 
glass, “I want to get into your pants.” 

She glared into his bleary eyes. “If you do, 
McPherson, and 1 ever hear about it, you're 
fired.” 


Å man wanted to determine if both his wife 
and mistress were loyal to him. He decided to 
send them on the same cruise, then question 
each about the other's behavior. 

When his wife returned, he asked her about 
the people on the trip in general, then casual- 
ly asked about the specific behavior of the pas- 
senger he knew to be his mistress. “She slept 
with every man on the ship,” his wife reported. 

The disheartened fellow then rendezvoused 
with his cheating mistress to ask her the same 
questions about his wife. “She was a real lady,” 
the mistress said 

* How so?” the encouraged man asked. 

“She came on board with her husband and 
never left his side.” 


The old Jewish man stopped before a blind fel- 
low begging for handouts. “I won't give you 
money, but I'll give you this," he said, handing 
the sightless man a piece of matzoh. 

‘The beggar ran his hands over the surface 
and frowned. “Who,” he exclaimed, “wrote this 
shit?” 


Wanna buy a ticket for the warden's ball?” 
one prisoner asked another. 


Р, avrov crassic: Two nuns were riding their 
bicycles down an old Paris street when one re- 
marked, "I've never come this way befor 

“Maybe,” the other nun suggested, “i 
cobblestones.” 


s the 


Swimming to the surface after a spectacular 
dive, Roger realized he had lost his trunks. De- 
spite a determined search, he was unable to 

ind them. He huddled in a corner of the pool 
trying to figure out how to exit with dignity. Fi- 
nally, shivering with cold, he cupped his hands 
over his privates, hopped out of the water and 
headed for the locker room, shouting, “Mad 
dog, mad dog!” 

Just as his escape was almost complete, a 
beautiful blonde jumped in front of him and 
blocked his way. “Why don't you come back to 
my place,” she whispered, tugging playfully at 
the bottom of her bikini, “and we'll muzzle the 
son of a bitch.” 


On a beautiful, sunny Saturday afternoon, 
Kurt stood on the first tee at his country club. 
He had just pulled out his driver when a 
young woman in a wedding gown came run- 
ning up to him. “You bastard!” she screamed. 
“You stinking, no-good bastard!” 

"What's the problem?" he asked. “I told you, 
only if it rains.” 


Tus MONTH'S MOST FREQUENT SUBMISSION: 
Heard about the new blonde paint color? It's 
cheap, not too bright and spreads easy. 


Billy Bob needed help on the farm, so he 
hired a big, strapping local boy to tend to the 
chores. John Roy wasn't much of a talker, but 
he was strong and reliable. 

Several weeks into the job, Billy Bob found 
his farmhand lazing about the barn at ten 
o'clock in the morning. “What the hell are you 
doin’ on your ass this early, boy?" he asked. 

“Cows milked. Chickens fed. Hogs slopped. 
Alfalfa gathered Daughter fucked,” John Roy 


drawled. "Nothin' else to do.” 


Heard a funny one lately? Send it on a post- 
card, please, to Party Jokes Editor, PLAYBOY, 
680 North Lake Shore Drive, Chicago, Illinois 
60611. $100 will be paid to the contributor 
whose card is selected. Jokes cannot be returned. 


Тү 
A wp ЦИ 


И 


D 1 
Å rh //. TUR 
д (ufo, ЧИ 
21/7 q 


77] 
y 
Y 


к 
A 


SS 
<) 


SS 
E 
« 

ven 


SS 
S 
Y 


= 
SS 


SSS 


ESS 


‘And now, if you wouldn't mind, I'd like to fulfill a little dream which has been growing in me 
since I first came to work for this corporation.” 


IN THE 


BRIGHT COLORS 

AND COMFY FITS 
MAKE A SPLASH 
AT THE BEACH 


FASHION 
BY HOLLIS WAYNE 


7 ЕЛ 


Opposite: You'll need о buff bod to carry this weight on your 
shoulders—ond to corry off these square-cut nylon-and-Lyera 
swim trunks with bock flap pocket, by Giorgio Armani Le 
Collezioni, $85. (Her string bikini by J. Crew. Above: Two sun- 
sational suits: His yellow Toctel nylon boxer-style swim trunks 
by Tommy Hilfiger, $42, are trimmed with metollic reflective 
Strips. The thong neckloce with sterling silver bead is by Alissa 
Neglia, $50. (Her suit and mesh shirt are by Mossimo Swim.) 


== 


| 


m 


РІЇ 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY ARNY FREYTAG 


HANGES IN men's swimsuit styles are never dramatic, but that doesn't stop us from jetting off to ex- 
otic locales to bring you the best and brightest of the new season. This year, we headed to the Ho- 
tel Twin Dolphins in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico. Situated at the tip of Baja California, this laid-back 
vacation spot provided the perfect backdrop for the nautical colors and comfortable cuts that 
characterize 1995 swimwear. Here’s the scoop: If you worked out all winter, you might want to 


flaunt your physique in this summer’s hottest look—sexy, square-cut boxer trunks as pictured on page 116 and 
below. Body-hugging with a short leg length, this style is equally flattering in solids or bold-colored prints. Oth- 
erwise, go for traditional boxer cuts or surfer-type trunks featuring just-above-the-knee lengths, quick-drying 
fabrics such as Supplex nylon, and Velcro and zipper details. You may want to wear a shorter pair of trunks un- 
der the surfers for serious swimming. As for beach accessories, don’t leave home without sunglasses (100 per- 
cent ultraviolet protection is a must), sunscreen and rubber thongs to keep the hot sand from toasting your feet. 


Right: It’s siesta time an the Sea of Cartés and this 
twosame catches rays in the warm Cabo sun. He 
sports Tactel nylon boxer-style trunks with a con- 
trasting drawstring waist and a single back pock- 
et with a button closure, by Nautica (538), plus 
sunglasses with plastic frames and ultraviolet- 
shielding lenses, from Paul Smith Spectacles by 
Oliver Peaples, $220. (Her silver bikini is by Anne 
Cole.) We're nat sure whot's hatter, the sun or the 
couple below. His floral-printed cotton square-cut 
swim trunks with nylon mesh lining, button fly and 
drawstring waist are by Gianni Versace, $220. 
(Her sexy velvet bikini is by Emporio Armani.) 


Above: For land or sea, these Supplex nylon surfer trunks with 
racing stripes, by GM Surf, $45, are worn over a cotton-and- 
lycra suit by Paul Smith Accessories, $45, with e-Wire sport 
sunglasses by Ookley, $130, a leather bracelet by Alissa 
Neglic, $50, and rubber thongs by J. Crew, $12. (Her bikini is 
by Keiko.) Opposite: His nylon trunks by Ocean Pacific, $20, 
have a Velcro back pocket. (Her suit is by Malic and her sun- 
glasses are from Paul Smith Spectacles by Oliver Peoples, $260.) 


PLAYBOY 


SKE 


K S (continued from page 96) 


Boy, with a cap pulled over his brow, remembered 
what it was he hated about Los Angeles: everything. 


program, future of Bill Terry. 

When the reporters had scattered, 
leaving Boy with Jim Jemmy and the 
photographers, Boy rubbed his hands 
together in expectant satisfaction and 

"And now, the body in the box.” 
Jim came closer, lowering his voice. 
“There's a fellow at the vet, he's” 

“Tell you what, dear. Ler's chat on 
the porch.” 

“Oh. OK.” 

Out on the tiny sagging porch, with 
its unimpeded view of the canal, Boy 
sat on the untrustworthy railing, some 
distance from Jim, and said, “Tell me 
about it, dear.” 

“I have a contact at the vet, but he’s 
being a litte funny. He wants money.” 

“They all do, dear, and that's why 
we're here. To provide money. 

“I think he's got something else. 
He wants more, he wouldn't talk to me. 
He seems to want, you know, more 
money.” 

The body in the box was always a 
delicate task. Boy had sent photogra- 
phers into funeral homes disguised as 
priests, as nuns, as firemen, as long-lost 
offspring of the deceased and, on one 
memorable occasion, as a process serv- 
er determined to press divorce papers 
on the corpse. Each case was different, 
and to each case Boy responded with 
his usual grimy savoir faire. 

The simplest way, in the present in- 
stance, would be to insert a photogra- 
pher into the veterinary hospital after 
the late Skeeks had been arranged in 
his coffin, but before the dog and coffin 
had been transported to Forest Lawn. 
That would require no more than the 
suborning of one employee. Jim Jem- 
my had clearly done the first part of 
the job in finding a bribable employee, 
but now there was going to be some 
sort of problem. 

Sighing, Boy saw he would have to 
deal with this veterinary lowlife him- 
self. “How do I make contact?” 

“I can call his home and leave him a 
message.” 

“Do, dear boy. And don't look 
so worried. Boy is here, and joy shall 
prevail.” 


They met at a small outdoor restau- 
rant on the Malibu coast. Driftwood 
had been imported from as far away as 
Tierra del Fuego to construct this 
restaurant in which you were guaran- 


teed to get splinters. Boy, with clip-on 
sunglasses clipped on his sunglasses 
and a dark blue Moon Mission cap 
pulled low over his pasty brow, remem- 
bered again just what it was he hated 
about Los Angeles: everything. 

The outdoorness of the restaurant 
was necessary, given the redolence of 
both his companions. Jim Jemmy con- 
tinued to smell like Jim Jemmy, and 
Carlo, the squat Incan from the vet, 
smelled like the vet. He was a janitor, а 
man who knew every scrubbed inch of 
the place as well as he knew his own toi- 
let, and his news was not good. “Sports 
department,” he announced, hunched 
over the hamburger with sprouts the 
Galaxy was buying him. 

“Ah,” said Boy, squi 
his dark glass. 

“Dey got dese jackets, you know 
what I mean? Color like a raspberry. 
On da pocket, by da heart, dey got dis 
networ! k sign” 

“Logo,” Boy edited. 
Carlo crumpled his face like a fend- 
r. “Huh? No, man, а logo's a wolf. 
Dis on da jacket, dis what you see on 
da TV.” 

“Understood,” Boy assured him. 

“Dey all useta be football players, 
now dey work da sports department at 
da network. Dey on guard, man.” 

“Guarding Skeeks?” 

“For da pikchas, man. Dey know 
about you guys and your papers, dat 
you do da pikchas. Dey say, ‘No way?” 

“You could slip past —" 

But Carlo was shaking his woolly 
head, sending clouds of formaldehyde 
to compete across the table with 
essence of Jemmy. “Dey search те, 
man. Dey find da camera, dey drop- 
kick my ass back to Peru.” 

Boy sighed. While he loved a chal- 
lenge, of course, he preferred his chal- 
lenges to be easier than they looked. 
He said, “Carlo, one understood you 
had something to sell, something more 
than the picture, not something less.” 

“Dis is more. But you gotta pay, 
man.” 

“We'll pay what it's worth," Boy as- 
sured him. 

Carlo thought about that, then de- 
cided to risk it. Whispering so low that 
Boy could barely hear him, he said, 
“Somebody offed da dog." 

More gibberish. But then Jim Jem- 
my, utterly shocked, cried, "Skeeks was 
murdered?” and all became clear. 

To the entire restaurant. Bouncing 


ig behind all 


in his chair, Carlo cried, “Cool it, man! 
Jesucristo!" 

“Oh, I beg your pardon!” Jim cov- 
ered his mouth with both hands. 

Boy said, “Class. Students. Let us 
have order here. Carlo, what do you 
mean? Do you have proof?” 

“I done da cleanup, man, I know 
what I'm deanin'. Dat dog got poi- 
soned. I heard da doctors, dey don't 
wanna tell nobody.” 

“Why not" 

“Couple scandals last year, man. Dat 
place, movie stars keep deir dogs and 
cats and gerbils and all deir pets dere 
while dey go away, makea movie, come 
back, it’s dead, man, wrong food, 
wrong medicine. Dey afraid dey gonna 
get blamed." 

“So no one knows this interesting 
news," Boy concluded, "except the vet- 
erinarians, and you, and us." 

Carlo looked sullen. “And all dose 
people at d’udder tables.” 

“Lam sorry,” Jim said. 

"I think we can ignore that,” Boy de- 
cided. “This is a restaurant in Los An- 
geles, after all.” Reaching into a side 
pocket, he brought out a wad of bills 
folded in half and held with a red rub- 
ber band. Removing the rubber band, 
he peeled off five $100 bills and hand- 
ed them to Carlo. “This is for our ex- 
clusive use of your information.” 

“That's OK,” Carlo agreed. The 
money disappeared. 

Boy took a tiny camera that looked 
like a igarette lighter from his other 
pocket. "If by chance you do happen to 
get Skeeks' final photo, there'll be an- 
other $1000 in it for you.” 

But Carlo wouldn’t touch the cam- 
era. “Dem ‚sports guys from da net- 
work, man,” he said, “in dem raspber- 
ry coats, man, dey big. Big and mean.” 

Sneering, Boy said, “You're afraid of 
men in raspberry coats?” 

“You look at "ет, man,” Carlo said. 
“You'll never eat a raspberry again.” 


Back at the Galaxy nest in Venice, 
Boy debriefed his team, standing to 
demonstrate the quality of command 
and also because he had a long splinter 
in his bum. Trixie’s news was that 
Skeeks had been rendered unfit for fa- 
therhood as a youth, before his fame 
could protect him from such indigni- 
ties; ergo, no progeny. The others had 
also been busy gleaning data, and this 
is what Boy learned: 

Skeeks did have an owner, a holding 
company in Houston called Shunbec 
International. Several of the Shunbec 
principals were deeply involved in the 
S&L mess, and Skeeks had been just 
about their last viable asset. On the 

(continued on page 162) 


124 


Reader response to Janet was overwhelming, and she was 
photographed as a Playmate two more times, in December 
1955 and October 1956. The date in formal attire visible 
in the background of the photograph is Hugh M. Hefner. 


MISS JULY 1955, the first girl-next-door Playmate, was 
PLAYBOY Subscription Manager Janet Pilgrim. She agreed to 
pose if the boss would buy a new Addressograph machine 
needed by PLAYBOY's overworked Circulation Department. 


‘All right already, we're consummated. Now can we hit the surf?” 


PLAYBOY’S 


GIFT 
DADS 


FOR 
GRADS 


PERFECT PRESENTS FOR POMP AND POP 


Goodies Dad will dig. Far left to 
right: Crystal decanter with a sil- 
ver-plated stopper, from Christofle, 
about $320. A retro-look Olympus 
LT-1 35mm automatic camera with 
a burnished-silver finish and a 
faux leather lens cover, about 
$270. Marantz model LCD-410 TV, 
featuring the same type of four- 
inch screen used on notebook com- 
puters, about $800. The Data Link 
watch receives and stores appoint- 
ments, phone numbers and ad- 
dresses from Windows-compatible 
PCs simply by having its face held 
up to the computer screen, by 
Timex, $130. The Simon, Bellsouth 
Cellular's pint-size personal com- 
municator, can send and receive 
calls, e-mail, faxes, pager mes- 
sages and more, $900. Style 02 tor- 
toise-frame sunglasses, by Porsche 
Design, $310. (Dad’s silver-plated 
picture frame from Christofle, $160.) 


Great stuff for grads. Below, left 
to right: Canon’s waterproof Sure 
Shot A-1 Panorama Data camera 
can take photos on a standard or 
extra-wide scale, $345. Rectangu- 
lar pewter flask from Motif, $75. 
IBM's Thinkpad 755CD color note- 
book computer weighs about sev- 
еп pounds and comes with a built- 
in double-speed CD-ROM drive, 
about 57000. (That's the Women of 
Playboy multimedia screen saver 
on the display, about $40.) Metal 
frame e-Wire sunglasses fitted 
with Plutonite lenses that block 
100 percent of UV rays, by Oakley, 
5130. Navitimer 92 chronograph 
with a circular slide rule and vari- 
able tachymeter, by Breitling, 
$2925. Casio’s AV-100 portable 
audio-video system with a TV, an 
AM/FM radio and an on-screen cal- 
endar, about $300. (Grad’s wood- 
en picture frame from Gucci, $230.) 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY JAMES IMBROGNO 


WHERE & HOW TO BUY ON PAGE 164, 


g 
= 


Si 


И 


Hmm 


= 


PLAY BOS 


130 


TED TURNER „нло 


Two days after the MGM deal was put in motion, 
Turner suddenly took off with his family to fly-fish. 


this one by the shrewd Kerkorian. The 
price of $1.5 billion was $200 million 
to $300 million too high. Newsweek re- 
ported that in Hollywood, “Turner is 
almost universally regarded as ‘a рЕ 
geon.” One film-business analyst de- 
clared that the movie studio was only 
worth that much if "Turner has found 
oil on the MGM back lot.” 

After the signing, some members of 
the TBS board started to worry. Mike 
Gearon says, “I felt that all of a sudden 
Ted had gotten in over his head. We 
weren't being properly informed. We 
had inadvertendy given Ted too much 
authority—we had said he had the 
right to negotiate with a lot of latitude. 
But we were responsible for whatever 
the hell he did. And the price seemed 
to exceed the representations that had 
been made to us on the board. I 
thought there was a lot of directors’ la- 
bility at that point—the company could 
be destroyed.” 

According to Gearon, Turner was 
concerned too. “I just think that he was 
prepared to take the risk, and I proba- 
bly wouldn't have been prepared. It 
was a lot to lose.” 

If the board was anxious, and if Hol- 
lywood was amused, that Ted was pay- 
ing the asking price without even hag- 
gling, it was not an unusual move for 
him. An optimist, he always seems to 
imagine that what he’s purchasing may 
actually be worth the price he pays. 
“Because he believes he sees hidden 
values, he pays more,” former CNN 
president Reese Schonfeld says. 

“Ted used to say his father had told 
him that ifhe really wanted something, 
if he had to have it, it didn't matter 
what he had to pay,” recalls former 
TBS entertainment president Gerry 
Hogan. "In that context, Ted would 
spend huge amounts of money, more 
than was necessary. But on a day-to- 
day basis, he was very cost conscious.” 
That was Turner’s pattern—pay what- 
ever the cost, then wring every nickel 
out of the purchase. 

Two days after the MGM deal was 
put in motion, as his board fretted and 
his aides tried to hammer out the de- 
tails, Turner suddenly took off with his 
family to fly-fish on a north-country 
river in Alaska. It was standard operat- 
ing procedure for Ted: As soon as a 
plan was laid out, he would lose inter- 
estand move on to the next thing. The 
currents surging past his legs, the line 


singing through the morning sky, the 
fish rising to the lure, Turner concen- 
trated on rainbow trout and Alaskan 
sockeye and let others worry about tak- 
ing care of his business. 

At the core of the MGM deal was the 
king of junk bonds, Michael Milken of 
Drexel Burnham Lambert. If Drexel 
executives were “highly confident” that 
they could arrange the billion and a 
half dollars in financing for Turner's 
purchase, theirs was nota totally disin- 
terested opinion. They had a huge 
stake in the proceedings. Because of 
the speed of the deal, Turner had been 
forced to retain Milken, Kerkorian's 
own moneyman. Milken was working 
both sides of the street—getting paid as 
MGM's banker and as TBS’ financier. 
It was a highly unusual setup, and it 
raised conflict-of-interest questions. 
Ironically, though, if it hadn't been for 
Milken's stake in the sale, the buyout 
probably would never have happened, 
for Drexel Burnham was one of the few 
firms able to raise money for such a 
speculative transaction. In retrospect, 
the MGM/TBS deal—from the players 
to the financing—would come to be 
emblematic of the high-risk, high- 
flying Eighties. 

But first the buyout had to happen, 
and as Variety would later say, “The deal 
began unraveling before the ink was 
even dry.” Between mid-August and 
late November, four new MGM films 
bombed. In fact, two of the four lost al- 
most $29 million of a $30 million in- 
vestment. Bevins returned to Atlanta 
shaking his head and, face-to-face with 
his boss, declared, “Look, we've got a 
problem here.” It came to be a recur- 
ring refrain. Later he said, “When you 
suffer the kinds of losses we suffered at 
the studio, the financing becomesa vir- 
tual nightmare.” 

On October 31, 1985 The Wall Street 
Journal reported that “there seems to 
be an atmosphere of urgency, if not 
panic" at TBS. Turner, never a recluse, 
began to talk with anyone who could 
give him a desperately needed infusion 
of cash. Time Warner, ABC, Gannett, 
Viacom and others met with him over 
the next year, all trying to bite off 
pieces of TBS and MGM. Italian media 
tycoon Silvio Berlusconi, Time War- 
ners Nick Nicholas Jr. and HBO's 
Michael Fuchs also talked with Turner. 

Rupert Murdoch was among the 
most eager to cut a deal. If there was 


anyone on the media scene whose am- 
bitions paralleled Ted Turner's, it was 
probably the Australian magnate. In 
the same year that Turner had gone af- 
ter CBS and MGM, Murdoch and part- 
ner Martin Davis had acquired 20th 
Century Fox and a mininetwork of six 
Metromedia stations. However, unlike 
Turner, Murdoch impressed investors 
with how efficiently and cheaply he did 
it. Murdoch and Turner met early in 
1986, when Murdoch tried to hire Ger- 
ry Hogan. Hogan decided not to leave 
Ted, but he introduced the two men, 
and they met again three or four times 
over the following months. 

On one of these occasions, Murdoch 
traveled to Turner's office in Atlanta. 
Adjourning downstairs for dinner at 
Bugatti, Turner, Murdoch, Turner ex- 
ecutive Robert Wussler, Bevins and 
Barry Diller (then head of Fox) tried to 
find a sensible way to blend Fox and 
MGM/TBS. Quiet and understated, 
Murdoch kept his focus on the num- 
bers: “What if we sell off this piece of 
MGM?" he'd ask. Turner, meanwhile, 
was talking about the big picture, the 
big ideas: “We could be the biggest 
thing in Hollywood,” he would say. 
“We could build more networks. If 
we put your library and our library 
together...” 

Cordial and intensely deal-oriented, 
Turner and Murdoch nonetheless at- 
tacked the same problem from very 
different angles. “Ted was this wild 
idea guy,” Gerry Hogan recalls. “Ru- 
pert is a tremendous financial guy. He 
understood numbers and the ways to 
get things done financially far better 
than Ted. Ted doesn't have many 
strengths in that area. He relied on 
Bevins to make those things happen. 
What Ted had was vision—how power- 
ful the combination could be, how 
important.” 

But on this particular evening the 
conversation fell apart because of Bar- 
ry Diller, According to Hogan, the 
chemistry between Diller and Turner 
was terrible. “1 don't think Diller want- 
ed any part of Turner,” says Hogan. 
think the merger would have been a di- 
rect assault on Diller's position. If. 
Turner and Murdoch had merged, it 
would have cut into Diller's area." 

"That night after the meeting. Hogan 
flew back to New York with Murdoch, 
who was still trying to sort out the 
finances. According to Hogan: "Mur- 
doch was intently serious in trying to 
make the numbers work, but he was 
havinga tough time because both com- 
panies had so much debt that it was as 
two punch-drunk fighters were try- 
ing to hold each other up. In the end, 
it just couldn't be done." 

(continued on page 156) 


AN INTERVIEW 
WITH POPE JOHN PAUL II 


comedy’s infamous fallen catholic goes one-on-one 
with the cat in the vatican Satire by Denis Leary 


A FTER A HIP operation caused him 
to cancel his trip to the U.S. last 


fall—a global jaunt that would have co- 
incided with the publication of his 
book, Crossing the Threshold of Hope, 
thereby christening the first-ever papal 
press tour—his high holiness Pope 
John Paul II decided to let the book 
speak for itself. Amid the resulting 
clamor for satellite press conferences, 
e-mail interviews and other such mod- 
ern-day encounters, the pontiff settled 
оп doing a single Q and A session— 
face-to-face with a lone journalist, and 
for only 15 minutes. 

Speculation immediately settled on 
such journalistic luminaries 2s Barbara 
Walters, Connie Chung and Walter 
Cronkite. But on the afternoon of De- 
cember 15, 1994 my telephone rang. It 
was Ray Flynn, ambassador to the Vati- 
can, informing me that a plane was 
waiting to fly me to Rome to meet his 
high holiness. (Ray Flynn used to be 
the mayor of Boston, where I grew up. 
One night a few years back I talked Ray 
out of lambasting a Boston University 
sophomore who had called Larry Bird 
“an overrated, overweight mick” in 
McSweeney's pub. I suppose this anec- 
dote—combined with my credentials as 
an ex-altar boy and spokesman for the 
MTV generation—had now led toa lit- 
tle payback.) 

1 arrived in Rome on December 16 
and the next morning was given a tour 
of the Vatican. Then the guidelines of 
my interview with the Pope were 
spelled out to me in detail: The entire 
conversation had to be printed verba- 
tim, and the Pope would have ultimate 


approval ofits contents. I agreed to the 
terms, and at noon I was ushered into 
the papal suite, where his high holiness 


his white satin robes. I kissed his ring 
and we began. 


POPE: Sit, my son. Sit. 

ME: Here, sir? 

POPE: Yes. Yes. 

ME: I, uh. ... How's your leg, your high 
holiness? 

POPE: It's sore. But in view of the trou- 
bles on the planet, alas, it is nothing. 
МЕ: Um, yeah. Well, uh, your, uh, high 
holiness—— 

rare: Call me Jack. 

МЕ: Oh, no. No, I couldn't. 

pore: I'm kidding. Your holiness is fine. 
Have you read my book? 

МЕ: Yes. Yes, your holiness. 

горе: Good. Good. Ray Flynn tells me 
you're in the movies. 

МЕ: Well, I—— 

POPE: I see a lot of movies. 

ME: Really? 

pore; What would I have seen you in? 
ME: Well, uh, lemme sec. Did you see 
The Ref? 

pore: The Ref? No, no, no, no. I heard 
it was very vulgar. 

ME: You heard? 

pore: Yeah. My staff sees everything. As 
does my boss, if you know what I mean. 
I saw The Mask. 

ME: You did? 

POPE: Yes. And Ace Ventura: Pet Detective. 
Very funny. Very, very funny. Do you 
know Jim Carrey? 


ILLUSTRATION BY BLAIR DRAWSDN 


ME: Well, we've met. We're not, like— 
rore: He is a terribly talented young 
man. 

ME: Yes. Well— 

pore: Is he Catholic, do you know? 

МЕ: I, uh, I think so. You know, we 
should 

POPE: Those are the kinds of movies we 
need more of. Good, clean fun. For the 
whole family. 
МЕ: Right. So. . 
pore: I mean, I'm not against a good 
laugh every once in a while. 

ME: No? 

POPE: No. For instance, how many 
Polacks does it take to screw in a 
lightbulb? 

МЕ: I wouldn't know. 

POPE: Twelve. 

ME: Twelve? 

POPE: Eleven to hold the ladder and 
one to stand off to the side and say, 
“You know what? I think we need an- 
other guy.” Ha, ha! 

[The pontif] convulses in (аи Ме), almost 
falling out of his chair twice. I takes sever- 
al minutes for him to catch his breath. ] 
pore: [Drying his eyes] You don’t like that 
one? 

ME: No, I do. It's—funny. 

РОРЕ: Hoo, boy. Hey, would you like 
something to eat? 

ME: Uh, well, I 
РОРЕ: Angelo! 

[A rotund man wearing а black tuxedo 

enters the room.) 

ANGELO: Yes, your holiness? 

POPE: Two pastramis on rye. Very hot. 
You like pastrami? 

ME: Uh, yes 
POPE: Good! 


(continued on page 142) 


аа 
= 


Pau 
OF nit V4 AD 


julie cialini, dream come true 


“Black is exhilarating,” soys Julie, who chose that color 
far her Eagle Talon TSi All-Wheel Drive. PLAYBOY present- 
ed that tap-of-the-line Eagle, and $100,000, to Julie 
with her PMOY crown. “I lave fast cars. I'm o goad driv- 
er, but I'll admit there have been times when my love 
for speed has scared the wits out af my possengers." 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY 
STEPHEN WAYDA 


high-energy 
day in the life of the Playmate 
of the Year: A nightclub in 
Julie Cialini's hometown of 
Rochester, New York was 
sponsoring а bungee-jumping 
event, and with no rocky 
gorges available to plummet 
into, the club's owners 
strapped the big rubber band 
to a 150-foor-tall crane. But 
the event needed something 
special, something irresistible, 
something . . . someone like 
julie Cialini. So they invited 
Miss February 1994 to take 
the plunge, and she did so 
with her impeccable sense of 
style and athleticism. She se- 
lected a string bikini to wear 
during her fall from the heav- 
ens, and she leapt not once 
but three times. 

"I was a little scared," she 
recalls, "bur not as scared as I 
thought I'd be. It felt like 1 
was flying.” 

Although Julie kept her 
cool, not everyone present 
that day did: “The guys were 
all screaming.” It’s not too 
surprising, really. A lot of 
people might react that way 
if they saw a heavenly body 
falling from the sky. 

This wasn't a typical event 
in Julic’s life, of course. She 
is more used to surprisingly 
rapid ascents. The first one 
came with her adolescent 
growth spurt. “Ever since I 
was a teenager I've dreamed 
of being a Playmate,” says 
Julie. “But I was 511“ and 


e shot with the stotues all doy,” says Julie, “and it was o real 
warkout. | had the ideo to hang upside down between them, 
and I definitely used my gymnastic ability in that shot. | used 
muscles that I haven't in a long time.” As for her statuesque 
136 partners, Julie soys, "When we kissed, they were o little stiff.” 


gawky, so I couldn't imag- 
ine that it would ever re- 
ally happen.” 

Back then, Julie's nat- 
ural gifts made her a 
coach’s dream in gym- 
nastics, basketball and 
volleyball. Then, as her 
lanky frame filled out, 
she found that all her 
gifts combined to make 
hera natural in the world 
of modeling. 

"I've always loved the 
camera,” she says, flash- 
ing the wide smile that is 
among the many reasons 
the camera loves her 
right back. “I've always 
felt free and easy having 
my picture taken. It's not 
like 1 have to do any 
prepping or psyching up 
for a shoot. I just take 
a shower and show up 
clean, and then I let it all 
happen.” 

What's happened for 
Julie since her first mod- 
eling job—for a depart- 
ment store catalog when 
she was 18 years old—has 
transported her to Eu- 
rope as a runway model, 
into her teenage dream 
of becoming a Playmate, 
onto television as a pre- 
senter on the nighttime 
Price Is Right and now— 
“something that [ never 
could have dreamed"— 
to Playmate of the Year. 

julie makes her movie 
debut in the recently 
completed Beach Acade- 
my. "Ive always ad- 
mired SharonStone and 
Jamie Lee Curtis, and if I 
work hard enough, I 
hope I can take my ca- 
reer to the same heights 
they have reached." 

То which we say: Don't 
worry, Julie. You're al- 
ready flying. 


sked to describe the winding path that has led her fram 
her first modeling jab far a department stare to European fashion shoots to 
Miss February 1994 to а stint an The Price Is Right ta Ploymate of the Year to 
Hallywood, Julie calls it a learning experience. "You have ta survive the low 
moments ta get ta the highs.” she says. “And you have ta work hard. But 
it's all worth it. I still lave it when people tell me I'm naturally beautiful.” 


POL АКТАН О. 


142 


JOHN PAUL II 


(continued from page 131) 


The entire Catholic church is built on the impor- 
tance of hats. The bigger the guy, the bigger the hat. 


Angelo, don’t skimp on the mustard. 
ANGELO: Yes, your holiness. 
pore: And two Heinekens. 
ANGELO: Yes, your holiness. 

[Angelo exits.] 
pore: You look surprised. 
МЕ: No, no. I, uh. 
POPE: I hate Italian food. Give me a 
good kielbasa or a roast beef sub. Ah, 
that's what I like. Now, where were we? 
ME: Do you listen to Sinéad O'Connor? 
pore: No, no, no. I'm not abig rock fan. 
Ilike Loggins and Messina, Seals and 
Croft, Bread. I don't see the point in 
shaving your skull unless you're old 
and bald like me. I like the Chant album 
by those monks. 
ME: Yeah? 
тоге: Oh, boy. I get in the Popemobile, 
put on the monks, crank it up to ten. 
Oh, my God! I could wave at the 
crowds all day. Great sound system in 
the Popemobile. Japanese, I think. 
Lovely people. 
ME: Let's move on. In an era of se- 
quels—Batman 3, Sister Act 2—was John 
Paul I a tough act to follow? 
POPE: Now, see? That's what I'm talking 
about. Jim Carrey would never ask that 
question. 
NE: OK, OK, I'm sorry. 
горе: OK, then. 
Me: What's the story with the hats? 
vore: The hats? 
МЕ: You know, to me it seems that the 
entire Catholic church is built on the 
importance of hats. The bigger the guy, 
the bigger the hat. 
rore: Well, my son, they're for show 
more than anything. People love to see 
them. Its all part of the pomp and cir- 
cumstance, if you will. 
МЕ: I understand, your holiness, but 
with so many poor and hungry Third 
World nations embracing Catholicism, 
doesn't it seem a little 
тоге: Look, my son, we know what 
we're doing. We send a lot of money to 
the poor and downtrodden. But to 
raise money, we have to go to the places 
that have good cash flow—like the 
U.S.—and put on a show. So to speak. 
ME: A show? 
ГОРЕ; Well, like when I said Mass in 
Yankee Stadium a few years back. We 
drew 75,632 people. Still a record in 
that park. Babe Ruth, Jolting Joe, Reg- 
gic—no way They never pulled in 
those numbers. Now, do you think 
75,000 people came because they want- 
ed to go to Mass? No! They came be- 
cause they got to see me—the Pope— 


dressed in green-and-gold vestments 
and wearing the biggest darn hat you 
ever saw! Without the hat, I’m just an- 
other Polish putz behind an altar. Ah, 
but with the hat—forget about it! They 
tell their neighbors, “You shoulda seen 
the size of the hat on this guy!” 
МЕ: So, what you're saying is — 
pore: Hey, it’s just а hat. Don't get 
crazy. Look, do you know how much 
money I could make on pay-per-view? 
Forget about Howard Stern! Are you 
nuts? Or I could do an exercise video. 
Or | could do fake miracles, raise-the- 
dead stuff, the whole nine yards. But I 
don't. All of that is too gauche. So give 
me a break on the hats. I don't even 
have an agent. But believe me, if I 
called Mike Ovitz right now, he'd be sit- 
ting in your chair in less than 14 hours. 
МЕ: OK, OK, your highness—I mean, 
your holiness. It’s just that in your 
book you espouse the old, hard-line 
Catholic dogma regarding sexual be- 
havior and the involvement of women 
in the day-to-day functions of — 
pore: Yes. I do. But I also make it clear 
we must listen to the arguments ofcon- 
temporary voices and absorb their con- 
cerns into the body of the church. 
ME: But you still will not recognize—— 
pore: Recognition is пос а simple issue, 
my son. Sexual behavior is. Angelo! 
[Angelo reenters.] 
ANGELO: Yes, your holiness? 
rore: Where are the sandwiches? 
ANGELO: On their way, your holiness. 
[Angelo exits.] 
РОРЕ: No birth control. Love is a sacred 
bond. “Be fruitful and multiply.” 
Me: Yes, your holiness, I know. But in 
view of the pressures of modern society 
and the fact that millions of Catholics 
are leaving the church every — 
РОРЕ: You didn't read my book. 
МЕ: Yes, I did. 
rore: No. I can tell you didn't. You read 
the breakdown. 
ME: I read the book. The whole book. 
pore: [Narrowing his eyes] You know that 
lying to me is a mortal sin. 
МЕ: No, it's not. 
pore: It certainly is. 
МЕ: Look, your majesty, your... what- 
ever. I know the rules of the Catholic 
church and- 
POPE: All the rules? 
Me: Yes! All the main big ones about sin 
and stuff, and I know they haven't 
changed lying to a mortal sin. 
rore: How do you know we haven't? 
МЕ: Because it wasn't announced. You 


always have to announce it. You tell the. 
cardinals and they tell the bishops and 
they tell the priests and the priests tell 
my mother and my mother tells me. 
Pore: [Smiling] Sometimes we don't an- 
nounce changes. 
МЕ: Why no? 
pore: Because God the Father doesn't 
want them announced. 
: Well, then, that brings up another 
issue. Do you actually speak with God? 
POPE: Yes. 
ME: How often? 
rore: Every day. 

: Every day? 
ГОРЕ: I have a red phone in my office, 
and every morning around nine it 
lights up. [Silence] Tm kidding. 
ME: Very funny. 
rore: No, truthfully, when you're 
named Pope they surgically implant a 
computer chip into your brain stem 
and— 
ME: Very funny. 
POPE: Heh, heh. All kidding aside, he 
speaks to me. He speaks through me. 
ME: Really? 


ME: 

POPE: You don't believe me? 

Well, I dunno. I, uh.... 

‘ou don't believe me. 

ME: No, no—1 do. Kind of. I mean, I be- 

lieve you believe that. That is to say—— 

Sk, tsk, tsk. 

K, then what does he tell you? 

pore: Everything. 

ME: What do you mean? 

POPE: He tells me everything he wants 

to talk about on that particular day. 

ME: Like? 

POPE: Well, I'm not really allowed to di- 

vulge all of it — 

ME: Just a little. Like, how about today? 

What did he tell you today? 

POPE: Well... OK. Let me get my list. 

ME: By all means. 

pore: [Fumbles in pocket] Uh, let's see. . . . 
[The pope produces а linen napkin with 

his initials embroidered on it. Several notes 

are scribbled along the edges in ballpoint 

pen. He puts on his reading glasses.) 

pore: OK. Today, he wanted to give me 

a few notes about recent events sur- 

rounding the abortion issue. 

ME: Uh-huh. 

pore: And a directive on a priest in 

Chile who has been very involved in 

some political turmoil down there. 

МЕ: Uh-huh. Anything else? 

pore: And what else. Oh, yes. He want- 

ed to tell me that last night you mastur- 

bated to a pornographic movie on 

Spectravision in your hotel room. 
[Silence] 

ME: I'm sorry. What did you say? 

РОРЕ: Channel eight, I believe. 

fou've lost me here. I 

fou climaxed after three minutes 

(concluded on page 161) 


“I hope you didn't get me out here to do something filthy and 
disgusting—like catch fish!” 


143 


TOM ARNOLD 


e is more than the most famous ex-hus- 
band in showbiz today. He's a comedi- 

an, a TV producer and most recently a bud- 
ding movie star who was critically praised 
for playing Arnold Schwarzenegger's side- 
kick in “True Lies.” Currently, Tom Arnold 
is co-starring with Hugh Grant in “Nine 
Months.” He plays a guy with three kids and 
another on the way who tries to get Grant to 
embrace fatherhood when Grant's girlfriend 
gels pregnant. Yes, folks, this is the same Tom 
Arnold who, during his well-publicized 
marriage to Roseanne, was dismissed as just 
another no-talent chump, a Svengali who 
mesmerized his Ihen-wife into sharing her 
clout and her coattails. Arnold denies hav- 
ing devious motives. He freely admits that 
Roseanne gave hima leg up. And what а leg 
it was. Together they dominated the tabloids 
and each other. Side by side they pushed her 
hit show “Roseanne” to higher ratings. 
Arnold also tried two sitcoms on his own, 
“The Jackie Thomas Show” and “Tom,” but 
both died young, as did his marriage. 
Amold, however, lives on. We sent Con- 
tributing Editor David Rensin, who con- 
ducted the June 1993 “Playboy Interview" 
with fom and Roseanne, to check im on the 
hyperenergetic entertainer at his rambling, 
rented Beverly Hills home. Says Rensin, 
“Tom bounded down a long statrcase and, 
with a smile from 


i ear to ear, shouted 
our favorite m 
meatpacker- have felt like a 
long-lost pal, except 
turned-actor at ле calls every- 

one buddy.” 

on having a " 
famous ex- PLAYBOY: Audi- 
а E ences loved you 
wife, the joys in Tue Lus. You 
fh d " have sine done 
ead-chis- Vine Months, and 
"i a : В the buzz has been 
ood. Two more 
am au films are pend- 
whatitwas ing. after being 
x dumped by Rose- 
like to hang anne and char- 
А а acterized asa 
out in his chump, is respect 
the best revenge? 
underwear ARNOLD: Whatev- 
ч er it is, it's pretty 
with the nice. Before True 
Lies, I was per- 
other arnold ceived as being so 


far down and out 
that people were 
saying my career 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY MICHAEL GRECCO 


was over and that I'd have to go back to 
the meatpacking plant in lowa. That 
would be bad—because they won't hire 
me back. [Laughs] 1 knew things would 
be bad for a while, so I just waited it 
out. Now it’s pretty sweet. 


2 


PLAYBOY: When you were married to 
Roseanne, you tried hard to have a kid. 
Now she's pregnant, and the father is 
her new husband. Has your manhood 
suffered? 

ARNOLD: I'm just grateful we didn't 
have any kids. I see my buddies who 
have kids and are going through di- 
vorces, and it’s a killer. An absolute 
killer. And it stays with you. When you 
have kids with somebody, you're with 
them. Divorced or not, they're in your 
life. 1 feel very grateful. You know 
what? I'm happy she’s pregnant. I 
hope it's a healthy pregnancy and that 
they have a beautiful baby, and that 
they're both happy and content. Seri- 
ously. Maybe then they'll leave me the 
fuck alone! 


3. 


PLAYBOY: Look back at the marriage 
and rate your performance. 

ARNOLD: I was 30 years old. I'd just got- 
ten sober. Suddenly, I've got a wife, 
and four stepkids who need good par- 
enting, as all kids do. And Roseanne is 
telling me, “Listen, I can't do it I'm go- 
ing through tough times and I can't do 
it alone. There are a lot of things I can't 
do.” As the relationship developed, 
everything—from her show on—was 
put in my lap. I didn't necessarily do a 
perfect job. I had no idea what I was 
doing a lot of times. But I did a lot of 
good things, and I did my best. You 
might say we were two co-dependent 
personalities. For a long time one of us 
was out front and the other ran things. 
Then it shifted. I'm not saying that's 
why we divorced. But I will say that if I 
wanted to stay married, I was going to 
have to give up being in the movies. 
That was made very clear. 


4. 


PLAYBOY: You mean you weren't willing 
to give up work for love? 

ARNOLD: For a good marriage you can 
give up anything, but you also have to 
wonder what's behind that, When I 
made Тие Lies | was out of California a 
lot and it was hard. I realized some- 
thing important: The only way I was 


going to be able to have a career was to 
work. Imagine that. I'm not knocking 
what I had. Running the Roseanne show 
was great. I even loved having my own 
shows every year on different net- 
works. [Laughs] But the truth is that I 
had to take a risk. I did not choose my 
career over my family in any way, but it 
seemed to me that to make things bet- 
ter, | had to make myself even more in- 
dependent. 1 thought the marriage 
and the family would be a lot better. I 
still wanted to help out, but not to do 
everything. 


Be 


PLAYBOY: In Nine Monihs you co-star 
with English hearthrob Hugh Grant 
As actors and people you couldn't seem 
more different, at least on the surface. 
What's it like when worlds collide? 
ARNOLD: He went to Oxford. I never 
graduated from the University of Iowa. 
And we're certainly different in the 
movie: I'm a dad with three kids, and 
he's going nuts at the idea of giving up 
the single life when his girlfriend gets 
pregnant. I keep wying to sell him on 
fatherhood, and basically I become his 
worst nightmare. But personally, we 
have many things in common. He's 
very funny—not that I'm sa 
very funny, but I think I am. An impor- 
tant thing to notice about Hugh is his 
hair. He has great hair. Several people 
on the film were involved with it, 
the director to his hair people. I d 
we lost about three days of produ: 
just siting around between takes while 
they fluffed his hair. 


6. 


PLAYBOY: If the two of you went looking 
for babes at a bar, who would score? 
ARNOLD: He's suave and sophisticated, 
whereas I am probably more friendly. 
Ive seen him turn on that special 
charm. People enjoy it. Hugh has a lot 
of advantages over me in the charm de- 
partment. So I tried to help him with 
the friendliness-wich-the-regular-folks 
factor. He'd do well at a bar, though 
But I would probably be the one to get 
things going for him. 


rå 


PLAYBOY: You are a farm boy from 
Towa. What in the hell are you doing in 
Hollywood? 

ARNOLD: Га always wanted to come 
here and do this. I got the idea from 
watching TV and movies, and seeing 


145 


PLAYBOY 


146 


the effect actors had on people and how 
everybody liked them. I thought I could 
get everybody to like me if I became a 
movie star. I remember sitting in the 
lunchroom at the meatpacking plant one 
day, and everybody was going on and on 
about how funny this guy Robin Wil- 
liams was. Mork @ Mindy had just come 
on, so I started watching it. I actually 
had a dream that I would do a movie 
with Robin Williams and that he would 
become my best friend, and that every- 
body would love me, especially back in 
Ouumwa, which was the only place that 
mattered to me. Eventually, 1 did do a 
movie with Robin Williams. He's not my 
best friend, but we're friendly. He's a 
nice guy. He sent me a note the other 
day along with some alcohol-free wine, 
because he doesn't drink, either. Of 
course, unlike in my dream, not every- 
body loves me, but a lot of people like 
me. It almost worked out perfectly. 


8. 


PLAYBOY: What Midwest virtues must you 
suspend when you are working in your 
chosen field? 

ARNOLD: [Takes a deep breath] First, truth. 
The truth is more blurred here than 
it is in the Midwest. There's so much 
hype added to reality that you have to 
struggle to remember what's real. And 
promises are not kept. People believe 
they keep their promises, but there's a 
lot of amnesia out here, What's worse is 
that the longer you live and work here, 
the more you learn to adapt to it. You 
learn to tell the truth in a different way. 
Out here, people are so afraid of losing 
their jobs or losing you as a client that 
the most important goal is self-protec- 


| 


tion. I have also met people with incred- 
ible integrity. In fact, the more powerful 
the person, the more honest he or she 
can be. But fear is still the predominant 
emotion. Another missing virtue is loyal- 
ty. When money is involved in anything, 
most people don't care about personality 
or work—they care about the money. If 
somebody is making them money, that's 
the side they're on. Oddly enough, if 
you get screwed over, this town also has 
a lot of sympathy for you because it 
happens to everybody. It has happened 
to Arnold Schwarzenegger and all the 
biggest stars. And if it's happened to 
him, it’s probably going to happen to me 
a lot more. I take it all with a grain of salt 
because, no matter what, I’m still luckier 
than hell to be doing this. Also, out here 
you get fired a lot. In Iowa that doesn't 
happen so much. 


D 


PLAYBOY: Yet you somehow managed to 
get the hook at the meatpacking plant. 
Why? And what did you learn from carv- 
ing up raw meat that prepared you for a 
life in showbiz? 

ARNOLD: Yes, I did get fired. I was arrest- 
ed for public nudity—streaking—on a 
day I had called in sick. The next morn- 
ing, of course, I had to call in sick 
again—from jail. I said I was home, but 
the other guys in the cell were yelling, 50 
I blew my cover. They fired me. [Smiles] 
You can learn a lot about this business in 
a meatpacking plant. There’s a lot of 
death. Also, if you're the best ham-fatter 
or the best head-chiseler, everybody 
knows it and you become kind ofa star. I 
was a celebrity at my plant when I was 
18, because I would eat anything. That 


“We've got to let you go, Lester, to make room for a 
younger, more deserving hoodlum.” 


was my hook. People would bring hot 
peppers to work and I would eat them. 
They'd pay me. On the line, I'd chop a 
hunk of meat off the hog as it was going 
by and cat it—whatever piece that was— 
raw. I didn’t find anything too disgust- 
ing. They were very impressed. I would 
also moon people. And I “red-boned” 
people—that’s when you put a ham 
bone into some blood and stick it on 
someone's butt. We wore white uni- 
forms. It was very funny. I got much the 
same attention at the plant that I get 
out here. 


10. 


PLAYBOY: We need to know: What's a 
head-chiseler? 

ARNOLD: [Smiles] Thats a good job. When 
the heads come by you, on a stake, each 
one is facing you. You have something 
that looks like a knife sharpener and you 
dig that into the temples to get out the 
head meat—the temple meat—which is 
very good meat. We stripped the hog 
down to nothing. We'd use every part. I 
liked being a head-chiseler. We had a 
good view of the whole kill floor, and we 
Could throw meat at the guys who pulled 
leaf lard. I pulled leaf lard, too. That was 
a horrible job. That's when the hogs 
come by right after they've been killed. 
They’re split open and you pull the fat 
out of the inside of the ribs. It eats off 
your fingernails. 


11. 


PLAYBOY: Describe what it's like to work 
out with Schwarzenegger. How did you 
measure up when standing next to him. 
in your underwear? Did you have a self- 
esteem mantra? 

ARNOLD: With Arnold, you learn some- 
thing every time, because he's a machine. 
He knows everything about everything. 
He doesa simple workout: a half hour of 
weights and a half hour on the bike. An 
hour a day, and he looks that great! But 
standing next to him was sad. His body 
is so good. He wore little Speedo shorts. 
1 wore boxers at first, because you can 
pull them up over the first hump of your 
stomach. He didn't have a hump on his 
stomach, by the way. And I don't ei- 
ther, anymore—but they made me wear 
the Speedos because the boxers showed 
up on camera. It was humiliating. I 
thought, Well, this is the worst night- 
mare ever. It's like dreaming in grade 
school that you're in your underwear in 
front ofall the kidsand they're laughing. 
But it was also a good experience. I just 
kept saying, “It’s going to be over soon.” 


12. 


PLAYBOY: Arnold's been around. What 
was his best advice? 

ARNOLD: Arnold is really a sweet guy. He 
has it worked out. He has his family, and 
he has his career. He married a woman 
who is smart and tough. He told me, 
“Stay away from bimbos. That's not going 


SURGEON GENERAL'S WARNING: Cigarette 
Smoke Contains Carbon Monoxide. 


© Lorilard 1905 


Kings. 17 mg. "tar" 12mg. nicotine av рег cigarette by FIC Method 


PLAYBOY 


148 


to work for you. You need somebody as 
smart as you, and you need somebody 
who's not going to put up with your 
crap. That's the only way you can re- 
spect and love somebody.” That's what 
he's done. That's what I'm going to do. 


13. 


PLAYBOY: You now have a young fiancée. 
Describe the joys of loving a coed. 
ARNOLD: I’m not trying to defend myself, 
but when I met Julie she was already a 
college senior. I met her at a birthday 
party for David Spade at the Viper 
Room. She was visiting from Michigan 
and I just started talking with her. She's 
going to be a kindergarten teacher, and 
that says a lot about somebody. 1 said, 
“You want to go out on a date?” We did 
and had a great time. I've taken her to 
Australia. I took her to New York for her 
first time. 105 a whole new world out 
there for some people. 


14. 


PLAYBOY: You and Roseanne were fa- 
mous for your tattoos. Now that you're 
no longer a couple, are you having any 
removed? 

ARNOLD: [Opens shirt] Yep, this one [points 
to a tattoo of Roseanne's face]. And I'm hav- 
ing her name taken off here, her initials 
off here and her name off my butt. I 
have a new tattoo, the Chinese symbol 
for love, on my leg. I read that Rosie got 
the tattoo that said PROPERTY OF TOM 
ARNOLD covered up. It was on her butt. 
The joke was that it made me the fourth 
largest property owner in California— 
she actually laughed very hard at that. 


But she had it covered up, not removed. 
I suppose it will confuse the next owner 
if he scrapes off the new tattoo and dis- 
covers my name there. 


15. 


PLAYBOY: For years you have struggled 
with your weight. Describe your ultimate 
pig-out. 

ARNOLD: One pig-out I like is McDon- 
ald's. I eat four Big Macs and four Quar- 
ter Pounders with cheese, a large fries 
and a box of 20 Chicken McNuggets. 
And then on the way home—I dont 
want to eat like that in front of people 
because it's too embarrassing —1 eat four 
more cheeseburgers. You can just stuff 
them in. I've done it many times. It's 
sad. But it's also good. Or I'll eat a gallon 
of Ben & Jerry's ice cream. I get four 
quarts of my favorites and eat them one 
after another. The Cheesecake Factory is 
also an incredible pig-out. I eat the piz- 
za, and then I have six or seven pieces 
of cheesecake. Last summer my friend 
Chris Farley was out here staying at the 
Pritikin Clinic, trying to get in shape. He 
was doing great. I was trying, too. I 
called him up and said, "Listen, let's go 
out and talk.” He said OK, so we went 
over to Le Dome in our sweatpants and 
just went for it. We each ate ten desserts. 
We ordered everything they had. That 
was a great pig-out. I like food that 
doesn't require much cutting, is simple 
to eat and in every bite you get a lot of 
stuff. I don't like to have to pick through 
food, like searching for a bit of chicken 
in a bowl of lettuce. That's fine for eat- 
ing, but not for pigging. I like steak, but 


“I most certainly did not sleep my way to the top. I was wide 
awake every second.” 


I don't like to cut it into pieces. And you 
can't eat it fast enough. A Quarter 
Pounder with cheese melts in your 
mouth, so you can shove it down and 
have more. I also like to buy 15 candy 
bars at a time. My favorites are anything 
with chocolate and nuts: Snickers, 
Peanut M&Ms, Payday, Almond Joy, 
Salted Nut Roll, Baby Ruth. Now, we all 
know I'm concerned about my weight 
and physique, so I just do this once in a 
while and get it over with. It's another 
thing if it goes into the next day. ГИ nev- 
er have a pig-out in the morning and ГИ 
never have one during the day. It has to 
be at night when nothing is planned for 
me, I go right to bed afterward and 
watch a little TV. 


16. 


PLAYBOY: Which of the 12 steps is your 
favorite? 

ARNOLD: The first step is my favorite in 
every way. It’s admitting you have a 
problem, that there’s something wrong. 
The fourth step was hardest for me. 
You're supposed to take a look at all the 
people you've hurt and make amends to 
them. You also make a list of the people 
who've hurt you—what they did and 
how it made you feel. Then there's an- 
other column for what your responsibi 
ty was in it. That makes it a little bit easi- 
er to forgive and move on. The great 
thing is that you have to move on. You 
can't have resentments. You just have to 
say, OK, this is what happened, this is 
how it felt—and you have to get over it. 


17. 


PLAYBOY: You once met President Bush 
after having made many jokes at his ex- 
pense. Describe the encounter. 

ARNOLD: One day, at Planet Hollywood 
in Vegas, George and Barbara Bush 
showed up. Arnold Schwarzenegger 
hadn't arrived yet—he didn't even know 
they were going to be there. A Secret 
Service guy asked me if I'd sit with the 
Bushes until Arnold got there. I said Га 
be honored. They talked to me so nicely. 
And it dawned on me, as I was thinking 
of some of the jokes I'd made about him 
during his presidency, that maybe I 
should be feeling bad. When I talked 
with Maria Shriver a couple of days later 
I said, “I really felt bad sitting there— 
but they probably don't even know who 
1 am, right?" She goes, “Yeah, they do.” 
Oops. So I wrote him a letter. I said, “I 
just want to thank you for what you've 
done for the country and for Jews, and I 
want to apologize for things. You're a 
human being. We can disagree on poli 
tics, but to get personal is unacceptable.” 
In less than a week I got a handwritten 
letter back from him saying that he and 
Barbara had enjoyed meeting me He 
said, “It's not a big deal. Public figures 
have this burden. It happens. You're for- 
given.” It was just so cool. 


Sex Education For Me? 


Know-how is still the best aphrodisiac. 


There’s No Such Thing As A “Born Lover”! 

Sexual techniques must be learned. Even if you are a 
good lover, you can benefit from The Better Sex 
Video Series. It is for normal adults who want to 
enhance their sexual pleasure. Watch it with 
someone you love. 


America’s Best-Selling Sex-Ed Video 


The Better Sex Video Series visually 
demonstrates and explains how every- 
body can enjoy better sex. Dr. Judy 
Seifer, one of the country’s most 
espected experts on sexuality, guides 
pu through erotic scenes of explicit 
sexual practices including tech- 
iniques for most enjoyable foreplay 
and intercourse. Order the 
Better Sex Video today and take 
first step to more enjoyment! 
Shipped Unmarked For Your 
Privacy. All of our videos are 
shipped in plain packaging to 
assure your privacy. Each video is 
approximately 90 minutes. 


Better 


Sex. The More You Know About lt, 
The Better It Gets, 


Fastest Service With 
Irders, Call Toll-Free 


0) 888-1 


5 


1 
1 DIVISA UMasterCard OCheck 
| мака chacks payable о Tho Townsend institute. Sor. Ne cash or COD 


SPECIAL OFFER | О, | å HII ET 
Regularly $29.95 each Y rn — 


NOW ONLY 


$19.95 


Can Cron War. Pet Matches Paya US Dott 
Raster ESCO Ave Fr беру Dase usas Meta 


mads 


149 


PLAYBOY 


150 


18. 


PLAYBOY: What's more Hollywood, Hol- 
lywood or Washington, D.C.? 

ARNOLD: In both places, the lawyers are 
in control, People in Hollywood want to 
be in politics. They want to feel that 
they're important in that way. People in 
politics would rather be in show busi- 
ness, because they are in show business. 
They're always trying to come up with 
something new, something different. It's 
all about your image and the press. 
Those guys deserve whatever money 
they make because they have to kiss ass 
completely every two, four, six years, 
with people they can't stand. Then, once 
they get elected, they get a break from 
Kissing ass. Then they're like, “Fuck you 
guys. I'm elected and I'm going to be my 
asshole self.” But then they have to start 
kissing ass again. 

19. 


PLAYBOY: What's your most attractive 
quality, and your most embarrassing? 

ARNOLD: I'm a pretty caring, loving guy. 
For a guy. [Laughs] I have a sort of atten- 
tion deficit-hyperactive disorder. It’s 
been a source of amusement for a long 
time. What's embarrassing is that if I 
control one twitch, I get another. I used 
to rock my legs a lot, and then I started 
rocking back and forth. I tried to work 
on my legs and then I started pinching 
my face and licking my lips. And my eyes 
started blinking a lot. It always goes to 
something else. I'm conscious of it when 
I watch myself on television. I have one 
agent who just watches to see if I rock on 


TV. They feel, at the agency, that the 
calmer I am, the more I appear in con- 
trol. If I had my way I would rock all the 
time, back and forth. That feels comfort- 
able. ГИ need five more years of hard 
work before I can sit absolutely still. But 
Tve come along way. Now the only thing 
that makes me nervous is talking to 
lawyers. 


20. 


PLAYBOY: We have эссп your life with 
Roseanne portrayed in two TV movies. 
Your ex has said that she wishes they’d 
waited to make the films until she was 
dead. Do you feel the same way? 

ARNOLD: I didn’t watch the shows, but I 
read both scripts. They were really badly 
written, and the way I was portrayed was 
nothing like me. Many things did not 
happen. I tried not to get upset, but they 
had things about me slapping her, and I 
never hit her. Rosie said I did, once, but 
she took it back and explained that her 
lawyers made her say it. I've accepted 
that explanation. I just don’t like seeing 
something that's not true. I don't mind 
being portrayed as an idiot—thar's fine. 
I don't even mind being portrayed as a 
guy who was kind of goofy and who ma- 
nipulated his wife into firing everybody 
and causing trouble. That's not true ei- 
ther, but if that’s what people want to be- 
lieve, that’s fine. The bottom line is that 
I'm not going to obsess about it. It’s part 
vf being famous, but it won't happen to 


me again. 
El 


“We find the defendant not guilty by virtue of insanity, ethnic rage, 
sexual abuse and you name it.” 


Russ СМецех 

(continued from page 93) 
deal with wholesalers: If you want a 
Meyer film, you buy it from him. For the 
past ten years, while directing an MTV 
video and short movies starring such dis- 
coveries as the Hungarian beauty Tundi 
and the American strippers Melissa 
Mounds, Pandora Peaks and Staci Keith, 
he has been trying to get another feature 
offthe ground. His current project is The 
Bra of God, with a title (I modestly ad- 
mit) by me. 

Most of his time in the past decade has 
been devoted, however, to his massive 
autobiography, A Clean Breast. Meyer's 
life is as thoroughly documented as Win- 
ston Churchill's. Walk inside his home in 
the Hollywood Hills, and you'll be bom- 
barded with images from his films: 
Framed posters in many languages cover 
the walls and ceilings, and there are sou- 
venirs from each of his films: ice tongs, a 
steel-cup jockstrap, a room key, an old 
Rolleiflex and Tura Satana's black 
leather gloves. Shelves groan under the 
weight of dozens of scrapbooks docu- 
menting every chapter of Meyer's life. 
His autobiography is generously illus- 
tated with thousands of drawings and 
photographs—many of old Army bud- 
dies, but more, readers will be relieved 
to learn, of his buxom stars, wives and 
girlfriends. 

The book is finished, but its publica- 
tion date has been pushed back repeat- 
edly, primarily because Meyer wants it to 
stand through the ages as a classic exam- 
ple of the printer's art. It will be two or 
three slipcased leather-bound volumes, 
printed on expensive acid-free paper 
with a shelf life of a millennium. It will 
be produced in Hong Kong by one of 
the world’s finest art book publishers. It 
will cost around $350. And it will not be 
sold in bookstores. 

“But, Russ, how will people be able to 
order it?” I asked. 

“They can call me up.” 

“But your number is unlisted.” 

“That's their problem.” 


One of the remarkable things about 
Russ Meyer’s films is that they continue 
to live and play long after the other work 
of the soft-core era has been forgotten. 
"That is partly because of their craftsman- 
ship, partly because of Meyer's unique 
leading ladies and partly because of a 
spirit of paramilitary commitment that 
can be sensed as the cast and crew strug- 
gle through rugged terrain to enact 
their passionate rural melodramas. But 
the central reason, I believe, is that Mey- 
er is an auteur whose every frame of film 
reflects his own obsessions. Like all seri- 
ous artists, he doesn't allow any space be- 
tween his work and his dreams. 


INTIMATE 
[A7 


Credit Card Orders by PHONE! 
1-415-863-5002 


Monday-Friday B .m.-6 p.m. Pacll Time — Visa and MasterCard Accepted 


Order by FAX! 1-415-863-3004 


> 
\ Y 
6 4 
SUMMER HEAT 
I hour of alii, 
реа bco ideor ever produced. 


MAA Сиг 
we Gua а BLUE K STAR 
ou Wt Non INDICATES 


RUSH DELIVERY! 


ROMANTIC LINGERIE Ж 
World's hottest full color Ivemodel 


Speiaingin ба serer choros k 
in Fast xos 
een бы roda и caleg 
feature some of de hotest yours 
amateur models Approximately 
photos! Sides, photos. videos & 
more. Reascrable prices & fast 
serve are fl with us. Catalog 
78454 $3.00 
Sampler Video VHS 
#173 51995 


Sizzling Video: Gorgeous models 
pentes 
#85 $29.95 


PROMOTIONS COMPANY Ж MICHAEL SALEM ЖС 


RAISED SKIRT BOUTIQUE 
Sexy co-eds showing eff their legs, Exciting color сеје festuring 
panties & more! Beautiful, uninhibited corsets, lingerie, cnchers, dresses, 
amateur modek. Low priced quality jumpsuits, French maid cues, 
videos! Soft сезе or Very explicit — shoes and more. Stes to super large 
166% videos, Cat velo photos ‘and tall All mail sent discreetly 
‘$3.50 refind wilse via first class 
#347 $150 #1391 $3.00 
Ahr. Video Sampler (80 models) 
#78 siis 


An abundarea of beautiful and 
‘sensuous performers in their most 
Provocative exotic poses. Along 
with our 32 page teasing magazine. 
A $3535 аке. 

#114 51995 


Relive your sexual awakening, Watch 
beautdul young women expose the 
antes el your dreams. Amateur 
models wearing cleches & underwear 
from the 405 though the 80. 


Sampler Video VES 
er Ve, 
EAC 


19 AND NAKED 
young mo 
Болота beder in a 
varie of erotic modeling sessions 
nd fanasy vienes. Revealing full 
садот catalogue featuring young new 
‘lent in inimate nude photos and 
erotic video 
91013, 3256 
Sampler Video + $5 pf certficate 
uos 


debut 


“race э well 3 popular model. 
Тай co to porn er oom 
em, 
oss bottavles big & ut 
Weve gor all Catalog 
3827 $3.00 


COLLECTION 


THE XANDRIA Å 
COLLECTION 
Indulge your fantasies wich our 
chi Gog Uncover a in 
erection of adult products books, 
videos & much more! Experience the 
ference in mailorder. Guaranteed 
‘with yov in mind — 100%, 
SATISFACTION. Must be 21 yrs. 
ЗИ redeemable with order. 
#156 $4.00 
Book and Video Catalog 
#399 32.00 


Over МОЖЕ GIRLS ош 
er 40 gorgeous amateur mot 
perform sexy strip tease in hor 


lingerie, then pose in the nude for 
YOU! Over 120 den, photo set, 
"Slides Catalog 
#13 $3.00 
90 min. VHS video + FREE 
catalog. 9 models sirip and pose 
fer the fst ume. No sales in 
Missouri or Hiro. 
#914 33995 


FANTASY GIRLS 
Beautiful sexy girls who love to tease 
and pose for the camera. You geta. 
10 photo set (47 x6" color glesties) 
with exciting personal information on 
‘ach giri + color brochure for only 
#1730 $19.95 
Color brochure + sample photo orly 
21729 $300 


INTERNATIONAL H&E 
Worlds Most Popular Nudist 
Publications & Videos - feature 


траба trom around бекер, 
reat yourself to our Sampler Kit 
including Magazine, Newsletter 
Aro, Let them show you how 
to getin touch... Naturaly. 
Sampler Kit 


pose PURE PANTIES Н 
artes, partes and noting bur 
artes Baul models who ove 
to tease, wearing pretty pandes. 
"he best in TEASE VIDEOS 


Б 


1 è 8 1 
Order by Mail Send to INTIMATE TREASURES? P.O, BOX 77902, DEFT. 1PB060195 San Francisco, CA 917-0912. i 


Circ items desired. lude check, money oder cash or creditcard for total + 8/0 processing hage. 


1 156 $ аю | 347 $ 350 | 516 $ 300) 914 $3995 |1114 5 1995 | 1392$ 3495 Г 
1 183 $1000 | 399 $ 200 | 770 5 1000 | 927 $ 300 | 1173$ 1995 | 1435 500 | 
185 $ 2995 | 406 5 2495 | 781 $1995 | 10135 20 11765 450 | 1795 300 y 

I 256 $ 300| 454 5 300 | 913 $ 300 1014$ 1995 | 13915 300 |1730 $ 1995 
Medea er DJ aman alloy onek vik vienk A $- 1 
‘pring olny ov her edit or ac nes prasad altea. 30 à 

1 [rime Processing Charges s 30 M 
1 hane TOTAL ENCLOSED 5 1 

J = 

= K Vans E Е. ee lice лүш] 1 
THE LATENT IMAGE CINE RESEARCH LAB ed dtl xo e pplk کک‎ -A 

The word's largest and inest Known as бе premier кос — Cj 3 Treasures US, and Canadian des only. US, nd 
collection of videos. sides & prrts of producer in the industry. CRL has Û wy мыйк oriente н баа Сора M 

he mont beuchd grts i the weit е 75 WURDE SID CCK ей Бору es ee 
Inmate, erotic & unlike any you've chat vil make you wild with desire. low weeks lor delve, 1 
ver seen Catalog price reundable May crgores fang bedl Û py ¢ > 4 1 1 
irst order. forle er ers еле ud 

#256 $100 experts wih knockout faces, Exons | _ | ara Ot Cori Sonate 
Introductory I Hr. VHS Video ‘color brochures. 10 - Ep ш. {к Но 1 
18 modal inchei mos ата! #1413 $5.00 7 <A 5 1 

Scenes ошо. 

Жошы næ HUGIN } 


WATCH YOUR TONGUE 


I sometimes have censored 
my language or have ad- 
justed my behavior because 
of political correctness. 


Agree:62% Disagree: 38% 


GUESS WHO'S 
COMING TO DINNER 


Which of the following do 
you feel is acceptable? 


Interracial relationships: 87% 
Homosexual relationships: 55% 
Relationships between 
professors and students: 42% 


THE 67% SOLUTION 


Has political correctness on 
campus gone too far? 


Just right: 42% 


SANITIZED FOR 
YOUR PROTECTION 


Students who agree that these 
items should be banned or re- 
moved from campus bookstores: 


Albums with violent lyrics: 20% 

Albums with sexist lyrics: 22% 

Videos with gratuitous violence: 28% 

Videos with explicit nudity: 31% 

Magazines with nude photographs of 
men: 32% 

Magazines with nude photographs of 
women: 29% 


ГА 


€ 
ЫЛ НА 


FREE SPEECH 
(UNTIL YOU OFFEND ME) 

Of the students surveyed 67% 
believed universities should 
have the right to restrict speech 
occasionally—for instance, if 
words or ideas might hurt some- 
one’s feelings, incite violence or 
express homophobia or racism. 
Among racial minorities, the 
number jumped to 76%. 


I AM PLAYMATE, 
HEAR ME ROAR 


Can a student be both a feminist 
and... 

a cheerleader? 72% agreed 

a man? 70% agreed 

Miss America? 69% agreed 

a Playmate? 54% agreed 


Å 
© 
< 


1 ere is how tudents ranked 


the fol 


Fil 


q А 
| *recycling å 
*wearing an AIDS 
awareness ribbon — d 
*Jesse Jackson 1 
»attending feminist rallies 
«Bill Clinton 
тка. lang 
«keg parties 
«having an issue of 
PLAYBOY in your room 


*Hugh Hefner NV 


*cigarettes 
«Rush Limbaugh 


«marijuana 


«watching an X-rated video 
*having an issue of 
Playgirl in your room 
“watching Beavis 
and Butt-head 
«listening to Howard Stern 
swearing fur 
“Ах! Rose 
= Ice Cube 
* Andrew Dice Clay 


LEAST PC 


TWO STRAIGHT WHITE GUYS 
GO INTO A BAR 


Is it acceptable among your 
friends to laugh at gender, racial 
or ethnic jokes? 


Men who say yes: 74% 
Women who say yes: 58% 


RETURN TO GENDER 


I am concerned that my be- 
havior may sometimes be mi 
interpreted by someone of the 
opposite sex. 

Men who agree: 46% 

Women who agree: 38% 


STRANGE BEDFELLOWS 


Sexual behavior has turned in- 
to a political rather than per- 
sonal issue on campus. 


Men who agree: 43% 
Women who agree: 34% 


WHAM BAM 


Do you ever feel guilty for 
wanting to have sex without 
offering an emotional commit- 
ment in return? 


Men who said yes: 24% 

Women who said yes: 15% 

Women who don’t want sex without 
emotional commitment: 59% 

Men who don’t want sex without 
emotional commitment: 32% 


А GIRL THING? 
I consider myself to be poli 
cally correct. 
Women who agree: 80% 


Men who agree: 66% 


THE DEATH OF FUN 


Political correctness kills spon- 
taneity and fun. 


Women who agree: 27% 
Men who agree: 50% 


SAFE GENERAN S 
(continued from page 78) 


students are accepting of interracial (87 
percent approval) and homosexual 
percent) relationships. Most surprising, 
42 percent thought professor-student 
relationships were all right, harassment 
be damned. 

Students acknowledged the changing 
rules of sex. Ninety-six percent said they 
could define date rape, and six in ten 
thought date-rape statistics were under- 
reported. For all of their agreement on 
the concept of date rape, the respon- 
dents were not willing to back up their 
assertions with admissions of guilt. Only 
two percent of students say that they 
may have committed date rape, while 
more than 20 percent of women (and 
four percent of men) claim to have been 
date-rape victims. Sixty percent said 
they belicved that date-rape statistics 
were understated. Despite all that, al- 
most 90 percent of students insist they 
had never pressed for sex after a partner 
asked that they stop. These numbers 
leave us with the impression that either a 
lot of college men are in denial—or ly- 
ing—about their behavior, or that every- 
body is clueless about what constitutes 
date rape. 

No wonder that both male and female 
students are confused. Forty-four per- 
cent of the students, including more 
than half of the men, said that the focus 
on sexual harassment has made them 
fear being spontaneous with someone 
they find attractive. ^I thought I'd come 
to college and there would be this big 
dating scene,” says Nishea Clark, a ju- 
nior at Northwestern. “But people don't 
go out on dates much.” 

Don't be discouraged, Nishea, there's 
still a solid 56 percent acting on their ba- 
sic instincts. In addition, women may be 
relaxing a bit after a difficult decade: 
three percent agreed that all the 
attention paid to harassment has im- 
proved communication and made sexu- 
а! encounters more comfortable. 

Many students seem to have found a 
middle ground between enjoying their 
sexuality and expressing it aggressively 
in public. “Pretending that we never 
look at people's bodies and that we don't 
register that stuff is such bullshit, such a 
complete pose,” says Christian Fenni- 
gan, a senior at New York University. 
“On the other hand, I don’t feel that 
anyonc has the right to grab your atten- 
tion and get in your face about sex.” 

‘There seems to bea real fear of people 
who aren't abiding by the rules, howev- 
er. “When I came here my boyfriend 
gave me Mace,” says Marjorie Jones, the 
Northwestern freshman. “I felt really 
stupid, I was carrying a weapon and it 
didn’t feel right at all. Everybody else 
thought it was kind of strange, but with- 
in three weeks about 75 percent of the 
girls I knew had Mace. And then I no- 


ticed that all the sophomores and juniors 
had it, too.” 


PC OR NOT PC? 


It is not exactly a revelation that many 
college students are unsure of their 
identities and beliefs. But this genera- 
tion seems to respond to that uncertain- 
ty by seeking security, rather than by en- 
gaging society with any sense of turmoil, 
anger or passion. There were excep- 
tions, but most students sought safety in 
numbers and regulations, and side- 
stepped confrontation and hurt feelings 
Camille Paglia, the polemical author of 
Sexual Personae, derides that approach: 
“In the summer-camp mentality of 
American universities, the ferocity of 
genuine intellectual debate would just 
seem like spoiling everyone's fun.” 

Rather than being restricted by politi- 
cal correctness, some students say they 
have simply become more level-headed, 
more polite, more tactful. (Nearly one in 
five credit PC with making them more 
friendly.) To ensure that a public debate 
has any value, they argue, you have 
to listen as well as shout. But, as with 
PG, politeness can stifie debate. Charles 
Crawford, the professor cited earlier, 
points out, “We must always try to be 
well-bred ladies and gentlemen, but the 
search for truth and the transmission of 
knowledge is more important.” 

Although a quarter of the students 
surveyed said PC has not gone far 
enough, there are some signs its reign 
may be in decline. More than half the 
students (notably males) feel there has 
been a backlash against it. “People go 
out of their way to be politically correct, 
and it seems completely unnatural,” says 
Megan Torrey, a freshman at USC. And 
Eileen Hunter, a junior at UCLA, be- 
lieves that “PC has been misused by peo- 
ple who would rather dismiss ideas with- 
out addressing the arguments.” 

College has traditionally been the 
place where students learn to think for 
themselves. Consider a strong-willed 
grad student who attended Tulane Uni- 
versity in the late Sixties: This rabble- 
rouser helped organize a protest after 
the school administration decided to 
censor several photos containing nudity 
from the student newspaper. Twenty- 
five years later, he would become a polit- 
ical leader who shook up another institu- 
tion that many people felt had grown 
stagnant. Back then, however, Newt Gin- 

rich was just another campus wiseass 
who had the gall to tell university 
officials that he and his fellow free- 
thinkers wouldn't stand for censorship. 
The photos never ran, but during that 
first week in March 1968, Gingrich 
helped bring Tulane alive with debate. 
Nobody had to tell him about the value 
of free speech in our society. That spirit 
is gone today. 


153 


PLAYBOY 


154 


EXPERIENCE NEW 
AND EXOTIC CIGARS 
Every MoNTH 


The Cigar of the Month Club 
is your passport to new and exciting 
cigars from the far reaches of 
the world. Exotic Premiums you ve 
heard about but never found... 
rare brands not available to 
neral public... and intriguing 
you've always wanted to try. 


Join today and learn the secrets 
of eternal cigar bliss. 


Your satisfaction guaranteed. 


THE CIGAR OF THE MONTH CLUB" 
К OAK TRAIL, DEERFIELD, WI 53531 
0 PB65 


Color Catalog 
Se før yourself what 
ether ТЕЛ are брои 

for their Lady! 

SEND $3.00 TODAY! 
ceñida w/ purchase mention 
Panor 

BARELY NOTHINGS 

1514 GRAND AVE 
GROVER BEACH, CA 08435 


arely 
nothings” 


Bring roman into your 


1 
Wy 
j ' cul Ttg, Het, 


"E ж. бу бау 


Lingerie. 


STOP SWEAT 
6 WEEKS 


Drionic* is an incredibly more UNDERARMS 
effective way to combat excess 
sweat — without chemicals. Elec- 
tronic Drionic keeps the heavy 
sweater dry for 6 week periods 
and is reusable. Thousands of 
units have been prescribed by 
doctors. Ten medical textbooks 
recommend Drionic as a choice 
method of control for the heavy 
sweater. 


Send for free information. 


GENERAL MEDICAL CO.. Dept. PB-80 
1935 Armacost Ave., Los Angeles, CA 90025 


MIKE TYSON 


(continued from page 86) 

“Humble.” 

Humble Mike? Not much of a nick- 
name. The word doesn’t compute. 
When Tyson stepped into a ring, his 
robe was a towel, worn poncho-style. He 
came in behind a jab and a glare that 
would have brought ships home safely. 
He was scary. For defense, he kept his 
head in constant motion, left, right, no 
telling which He hooked with both 
hands. He was powerful and his fists 
were fast, hard to time. He didn’t end 
fights with one punch, but when he hurt 
an opponent it wasn’t long before the 
referee was mercifully waving his hands 
and sending the crowd back to the black- 
jack tables. 

His 28th fight, the one for the title, be- 
came his 26th knockout. His three de- 
fenses 1988 lasted a total of seven 
rounds. Nobody interesting was punch- 
ing out there. It seemed he would keep 
the title for as long as he needed a belt. 

But then he started to slip. He was 
throwing single punches, forgetting 
about combinations. His head stopped 
ticking and became a stationary target. 
The glare was winking out. He was still 
winning, but something was missing. He 
had a fight in Japan against a journey- 
man named Buster Douglas. He didn't 
want to be there. He was bored. Training 
was the biggest bore. Tyson must have 
thought che fight posters, which fea- 
tured his name but not Douglas’, would 
be the story of the fight. Halfway 
through the tenth round, Tyson was on 
the floor, trying very hard to keep his 
mouthpiece from visiting friends in the 
third row. Buster was the winner. 

‘Tyson's next huge piece of news was 
his arrest. 

Here it is, nearly four years since his 
last night in a ring, and the reformed, 
religious, rested, reading Tyson is turn- 
ing grown men into fan-club members. 
Larry Hazzard, the New Jersey boxing 
commissioner, visited Tyson during his 
last month in jail. “He understands what 
he once had,” Hazzard said. “He under- 
stands he's getting a second chance. 
You're talking about a youngster who 
has matured. I'm glad to see boxing 
come out of prison.” The suggestion that 
‘Tyson might return to his former life- 
style is out of the question. “I would be 
totally shocked,” Hazzard said, his voice 
rising. “Totally. I would feel betrayed. 
And conned 

He did the time, the time didn't do 
him. His visitors often used that tired 
line. They want to believe that his turn to 
Islam will help stabilize his life, but it's al- 
so true that aligning with the Muslim 
population is one way to protect your- 
self in prison. Even Mike Tyson needs 
protection. 

“He's matured,” said the promoter 
Butch Lewis, who knows mature when 


he sees it. Butch is famous for wearing 
wonderful ties over his bare chest. “He 
wants to be more in control of his future. 
He wants people around him he can 
trust.” Butch didn’t pay his frequent 
calls just to discuss the harsh Indiana 
winters. “It’s not going to be easy when 
he hits the street,” Butch said. “Every- 
body's coming out of the woodwork. 
Nine hundred guys are claiming to have 
the inside track. I told him he has no 
idea.” 

Neither do the 900 guys, whoever 
they are. Tyson will need several months 
of gym work and sparring to get his tim- 
ing back, his glare working. One, maybe 
two fights, the experts say, and he'll be 
ready to share, with Foreman, the largest 
pot in the history of boxing 

During our phone conversation, Tyson 
gave me a different timetable, one that 
would chill promoters and the pay-per- 
view executives. He mentioned the 
schedule that Foreman used when he 
came back to the ring in 1987 after a ten- 
year absence. Foreman fought more 
than 20 times over a three-year period 
before his title chance. "I'd like to do 
what George did,” Tyson said. “They 
might want to throw me in quicker. ГИ 
resist it.” Until it’s impossible to stop 
resisting. 

But sitting in prison, with nobody 
pushing, nobody pulling, eating three 
regular (if dreadful) meals a day, reading 
about and being fascinated by the Twen- 
ties Jewish gangsters from his Browns- 
ville neighborhood, the phone ringing 
only when he wanted it to, he sounded 
in control of his destiny. “The quickest 
way to fail is to try to please everybody,” 
he said. “In my heart and mind, I know 
I could train for a year, take two fights 
and then beat the champ. But that 
wouldn't be smart. When I enter the 
ring again, it'll be like my professional 
debut. To prepare my mind, it's critical 
that I start from scratch. That 42-1, 
43-1, whatever my record was, that’s 
over. That's irrelevant. I start from 
scratch.” 

A realistic scenario is that he starts 
with a fight in summer and another in 
early fall. Cus always wanted him to stay 
busy—Tyson fought 11 times in nine 
months with D'Amato in his corner— 
and he'll remember that. The fights 
need not be against serious opponents. 
(As if more than one or two serious 
heavyweights actually exist.) There is so 
much curiosity about Tyson—his head, 
his punch, the strength of his glare— 
that the pay-per-view audience is ex- 
ected to fork over significant dollars for 
insignificant bouts. 

But if the deck is shuffled a new way, 
it's because of the incredible payday 
available in a match with Foreman. The 
once ferocious champion of the Seven- 
ties against his Fighties counterpart, 
meeting halfway through the Nineties. 
It makes almost no sense, and there's 


certainly no suspense. Tyson should 
walk through Foreman, punching. The 
fight should be a nonfight. Foreman 
should make sure his HMO is notified. 
And yet... 

The champion Tyson most resembles 
is Smokin’ Joe Frazier, the relentless 
puncher whose plan of attack was to 
cross the ring and overwhelm. The plan 
worked just fine until he defended his ti- 
tle against the young Foreman in 1973. 
Frazier was knocked down a half-dozen 
times in two rounds. He kept getting up 
and walking right back into Foreman's 
fists. They fought a rematch three years 
later and it was the same fight. When 
Foreman came out of retirement, Tyson 
was the new champ. Tyson now, Frazier 
then, says Foreman, he sees no differ- 
ence. Until he starts talking about the 
money. 

The record gross for a fight is the 
$75 million pulled in by Holyfield and 
Foreman in 1991. Foreman—Tyson is at 
least a $100 million night. Seth Abra- 
ham, president of Time Warner Sports, 
a man who isn't known for hitting high 
notes, suggests $200 million is a possibil- 
ity. The fighters would share about 75 
percent. So we're talking big and bigger, 
and any fight that size usually comes 
with problems to match. 

For instance: Foreman insists he will 
have nothing to do with Don King, 
‘Tyson's promoter. Foreman's promoter 
of choice is Bob Arum, and here's Arum. 
on the subject of King: “Tyson's back 
with King, unless he got smart in prison. 
Tyson doesnt need a promoter. He 
doesn't need anybody. All he needs is an 
advisor. Going with King would be a stu- 
pid thing to do. What does King bring to 
the table? Nothing. I bring Foreman. 
Tyson should fight Foreman for me and 
ah be gehzunt.” Which is Yiddish for I 
won't take any options on Tyson’s future 
services if he beats Foreman. We all 
make a ton of money and everybody 
walks away happy. If I'm lying, may God 
strike me down, but not too hard. This 
better happen in a hurry, though, be- 
cause how much longer can we keep 
feeding 200-pound guppies to George 
Foreman? 

Foreman’s important fights have been 
for Time Warner. King, who calls Abra- 
ham his great enemy, jumped from that 
company to Showtime. Is there any 
chance that all this can be resolved? Well, 
of course, because there’s enough mon- 
ey involved. More than enough. And 
that's what this is all about, isn't it? Un- 
less you listen to Mike Tyson one more 
time. “Who am I to think the layoff won't 
affect me?” he said. “Look what it did to 
Muhammad Ali and Joe Louis.” 

And if the layoff has taken away too 
much? If there ain't no glare there? 
“Then I must leave boxing,” Mike Tyson 
said. “I'm not a fool.” 


FORE PLAY WAS 


the very best of playboy: 


vin 
Michelle Usry 


PAPERBACK 

6X9 

144 PAGES 

50 COLOR ILLUSTRATIONS. 


PERFECT 
FATHER'S DAY GIFT! 


classic golf humor 


NEVER SO MUCH FUN! 


or the first time ever, you 


FORE PLAY ШЕ О 


great golf humor that has 
appeared in the pages of PLAYBOY 
over the past 40 years. 


THE CLASSIC CARTOONS 

«HILARIQUS PARTY JOKES 

*SIDE-SPLITTING GOLF STORIES 

* HUMOROUS INTERVIEWS WITH 
GOLFING GREATS 

ALSO - A FEW NEW CARTOONS YOU'VE 

NEVER SEEN BEFORE! 


ORDER TOLL-FREE 
1-800-423-9494 
Ask for item #75290. Charge to your Viso, MosterCord, 
Optima, American Express or Discover. Most orders shipped 
within 48 hours. (Source Code 59071) 


ORDER BY MAIL 
Use your «redit cord ond be sure to include your eccount 
number ond expiration dole. Or enclose о check or money 
order poyoble to rumor. Мой to rusen, PO. Box 809, 
Dept. 59071, tosco, Ilinois 60143 0809. 


There is 0 $3.00 shipping ond handling chorge per tcol 
order. Illinois residents include 6.75% soles tox. Conodion 
residents pleose include $3.00 additional per book. Sorry, 
no other foreign orders or currency occepled. 


Check All Items and Quantity: 


— Jin the Playboy Running Team. 
and receive the Official PRT Hat, 
T-shirt and Race Schedule 


for only $29.95 
— Deluxe Pack T-shirt, 

Autographed PRT Posterand 

Massage Уйео.......................$54,95 


— Autographed Poster and 
Massage Video....... 


Official PRT Merchandise: 
— Autographed Poster. 
T-shirt (specify S, М, 


uE 


Gall 1-800-PRT-1171 


PAYMENT OPTIONS: Do not send cash or 
checks. Send money order or charge to: 


Total 5. 


CA residents add 8.25%: 5. 


US. Shipping: 5. 5.95 


Total: S. 


iS, 
4 
2 
04 


NGS 
PLAYBOY RUNNING TEAM = 520 WASH 


MASTERCARD Ovısa 
ACCT f. Ext, Date 
NAME (Cardholder): _ == 
BILLING ADDRESS 
Eu STATE zu -- 
mose э. 
irate 
ie SIGNATURE: 


STON BLVD., SUITE 


497 © MARINA DEL REY, CA 90292 


155 


PLAYBOY 


156 


BEAUTIFUL SCREAMERS 

(continued from page 79) 
Acura NSXT is the easiest to drive fast. 
Its controls are light, its chassis pre- 
dictable and its powerful 270-hp V6 еп- 
gine isa sweetheart at low speeds. It also 
has trunk space and even an optional au- 
tomatic transmission. But make no mis- 
take—when the NSX-T’s tachometer 
needle heads for 8000 rpm, the scream 
from its race-bred aluminum-alloy en- 
gine is the real thing. 

BMW's clever purchase of Britain's 
Rover Group means that the Bavarians 
now build more cars each year than 
archrival Mercedes-Benz. The 8-Series is 
the company's flagship, incorporating 
more horsepower and high technology 
than any other model Developed to 
compete with M-B's classy SL two- 
seaters, its $100,950 850CSi sports 
coupe is a luxurious tourer for four, 
though the rear seat is less than accom- 
modating for anything other than a 
short trip. 

Priced at $71,840, the Lotus Esprit 
SAS is the bargain of the group. Its mid- 
mounted 264-hp four-cylinder engine is 
small but powerful. Scoops, slots, ducts 
and a wing add to the car's menacing 
appearance. The only options offered 
are metallic paint ($4500) and a trans- 
parent sunroof panel ($798). 

The new Ferrari 456GT 2+2 is our all- 
around winner. Its styling reminds us of 
the legendary Ferrari 365GTB/4 Day- 
tona supercoupe of the early Seventies. 


But the 456GT handles better, is more 
tefined and is even faster. A clever aero- 
dynamic wing beneath the rear bumper 
improves handling at high speeds, 
damping the 456GT to the road and 
improving the chassis’ grip as velocity in- 
creases. The all-new V-12 engine is mat- 
ed to a crisp six-speed manual trans- 
mission. (An automatic version will soon 
be an option.) The car is so fast that Fer- 
rari had to boost horsepower in its flag- 
ship midengined 512M in 1995 so the 
512M could keep its lead in the manu- 
facturer's lineup. 

Lamborghini's Diablo VT is the suc- 
cessor to the small Italian company’s out- 
rageous Countach sports coupe. Mega- 
tech, an Indonesian consortium, bought 
the company from Chrysler in 1994. 
The new owners plan to improve the 
Diablo further and to launch other new 
Lamborghini models. 

The Lamborghini Diablo VT wouldn't 
win any practicality awards, however. 
There’s little trunk space, the huge en- 
gine hunkers right behind the seats, ver- 
tically opening doors make it a challenge 
to enter and exit and rear vision is poor. 
But who cares? Strap yourself into this 
rocket and nail the throttle. With a zero- 
to-60 time of about four seconds and a 
top speed of 202 mph, the next sound 
you hear may be the jail door closing. 

Why would anyone want cars this fast, 
this impractical and this expensive? If 
you have to ask, you shouldn't be read- 


ing this. 


"You're a shy person, Mr. White. I find that 
utterly charming in a tycoon.” 


TED TURNER 


(continued from page 130) 

The deal that came closest to happen- 
ing was with Allen Neuharth and his 
Gannett Co. (an owner of newspapers 
across the country, including USA Today). 
Neuharth was eager to merge with TBS. 
He would be able to expand into cable 
TV and film, his newspapers and CNN 
could share resources and Turner would 
get the cash he needed. “That deal was 
the road to Easy Street,” says Wussler. 
Nervous members of the board urged 
Turner to take it. “Ted,” one of them 
said, “you can walk off with $800 million 
in Gannett stock. Maybe that’s the safe 
course to take.” The merger seemed so 
likely that when Neuharth and his aides 
flew down to Adanta, Turner introduced 
them to staffers as “my bosses.” 

But then Turner started to have sec- 
ond thoughts. “He got nervous,” Wuss- 
ler remembers. "He said he wasn't sure.” 
Half of the problem came from Ted's 
philosophical objections to the Gannett 
businesses: “Ted is antiprint,” Wussler 
says. “He thought newspapers would be 
dead in ten years. Ted's ecological sense 
was against newsprint, something you 
read each day and throw away.” 

In part, then, the eco-Turner sank the 
lucrative Gannett deal. But he'd also 
been following the same methods he had 
developed over the years. He had often 
flirted with prospective partners for his 
billboard company in the mid-Sixties, 
and for CNN in the early Fighties, allow- 
ing them to think that they had bought 
the companies. Then, taking their offers 
to his bankers, he was able to demon- 
strate his firms’ value in order to borrow 
more money, Whatever the reasons, Ted 
Turner fundamentally believed that the 
companies were his, and he had no in- 
tention of sharing them with anyone. 


By late 1985 Turner's position was be- 
ginning to look more desperate. Not on- 
ly was he short of money, but NBC— 
once a CNN suitor—continued to en- 
visage a cable news service of its own, in 
direct competition with CNN. The NBC 
venture was still alive when Turner tele- 
phoned John Malone to ask him to back 
Turner Broadcasting, a cable stalwart, 
against this network interloper. Turner 
needed Malone, the head of TCI and 
perhaps the most powerful of all the ca- 
ble operators (the man Vice President Al 
Gore once labeled “the head of the cable 
Cosa Nostra”) to stay in business. “I 
wouldn't just disappear,” Turner said. “I 
would sell the company. Because there's 
no way [I can survive] with MGM hang- 
ing over my head and all that addition- 
al debt.” 

On this occasion, Malone and the ca- 
ble industry stood behind Turner. They 


recognized how important his brand 
names (CNN and TBS) were to their 
businesses. By boycotting NBC's cable 
news, Malone and his peers put the ven- 
ture out of business by February 1986. 

It was lucky for Turner that they did, 
because on the West Coast the MGM 
deal was looking worse than ever. By 
now, two more movies had been re- 
leased, 94 Weeks and Dream Lover, and 
both had failed miserably at the box 
office. Turner tried to put a brave face 
onit. “Mr. Kerkorian is no dummy,” Ted 
said. “He knew what he wanted to sell, 
and what he sold was the troubled part 
of the company. . . . But I have always 
bought troubled things. Normally, 
things aren't for sale if they're in great 
shape. Right?" Still, as Bill Bevins would 
later admit, they hadn't realized just how 
bad things were: "In 20-20 hindsight, 
the fact that the studio was in free fall 
was not all that clear at the time." 

It was not until late March 1986—af- 
ter eight months of frantic negotiations, 
eight months of fund-raising and junk- 
bond sales—that the Drexel team was 
finally able to find enough high rollers 
(or bottom feeders) to finance the MGM 
purchase. Relieved and ecstatic, Turner 
arrived in L.A. and hurried to Milken's 
office. After the congratulations, he 
asked Milken, Bevins and staffers from 
TBS and Drexel to join him at the con- 
ference table. And then, as if feeling the 
need to sanctify the moment with a New 
Age twist, he asked these hardened busi- 
nessmen, in their rolled shirtsleeves and 
loosened ties, to clasp hands around the 
table. Looking sheepish, the financiers 
complied, and as they joined hands, 
Turner led them in directing their ener- 
gies toward the outcome of the deal. 
Milken was bemused by the whole scene, 
but he wasn't about to forget the bottom 
line. According to Robert Wussler, 
Milken announced to Turner and his 
“Oh, by the way, our fee is now 
$140 million.” 

“Wait a minute,” snapped a member 
of the Turner group. “We agreed to 
$80 п.” 

To which Milken replied, “Yeah. I 
changed it to $140 million.” 

On March 25, 1986 Turner publicly 
announced that he had completed the 
purchase of MGM (selling UA back to 
Kirk Kerkorian), and once again the in- 
dustry reacted with amusement, per- 
haps more now than before. “It’s one of 
the nuttiest deals of all time,” said one 
analyst, laughing. Another joked, “Ted 
‘Turner came to town fully clothed and 
left in a barrel.” Even The Wall Street Jour- 
nal declared the new TBS-MGM “one 
of the most debt-ridden companies of 
its time.” 

The figures did look scary. Togeth- 
er, TBS and MGM had pulled in only 
$567 million for the nine months ending 
September 1985, yet they were obliged 


to pay $600 million within the next six 
months. Even worse, the way the deal 
was set up, if Turner failed to reduce his 
debt within those six months, he would 
have to start paying Kerkorian in TBS 
stock. Thus, with each payment, Tur- 
ner's control of his company would 
dwindle. “Kerkorian thought he'd end 
up owning TBS,” says board member 
Mike Gearon. “He thought he was going 
to get Turner.” Eventually, Kerkorian 
might have a chance to sell MGM all 
over again. 

The clock was ticking now, and Tur- 
ner came close to losing everything he 
had worked to build. “Drexel has put a 
gun to Turner's head,” one banker said. 
“I think he's in terrible financial difficul- 
ty,” said another. "Unless he has some 
plan that no one knows about, one that's 
so creative no one has ever thought of it, 
he can't do it. The whole empire could 
come crashing down.” 

In public, Turner put on a brave face, 
actually bragging about how much he 
now owed—nearly $2 billion, “That's 
more than [the debt of] some smaller 
Third World countries,” he boasted to a 
group of business leaders in Davos, 
Switzerland. “I'm pretty proud of that. 
Today, it's not how much you earn but 
how much you owe.” On another occa- 
sion he would declare: “I owe $2 billion. 
Actually, it's closer to $1.9 billion, but I 
like the sound of $2 billion better. That's 
а million dollars a day in interest. No in 
dividual in history has ever owed more. 
Here, look at my picture in today's news- 
paper. Do I look worried?” 

But at home, with his friends and fam- 
ily, Turner would admit that for all his 


devil-may-care pronouncements, he was 
worried. One night, with his mother Flo- 
rence and some neighbors, he stood up 
in the middle of dinner and started pac- 
ing. “Goddamn it!" he said. “I've really 
done it this time.” He shook his head at 
his predicament. “1 may have really 
done it. Maybe I shouldn’t have gone in- 
to MGM. But that library is great.” His 
mother, sitting tall in her chair, smiled 
reassuringly at her son. 

Turner paced some more. Then, stop- 
ping suddenly, he threw up his hands. 
“How the hell am I going to pay that 
$2 billion?” he asked. 

“Teddy!” his mother exclaimed, her 
smile fading. “Did you say $2 billion?” 

“Sure,” said Turner. “I told you it was 
gonna cost 52 billion to get MGM—if I 
can find the damn money.” 

“Oh my,” she whispered. “I thought 
you said $2 million.” 

As Turner traveled out to the MGM lot 
in Culver City, he clearly felt the pres- 
sure of the passing days. Walking 
through the main gate and under the 
famed entrance arch, with its roaring 
MGM lion, he had one overwhelming 
problem on his mind: How was he going 
to hang on to this place, and keep him- 
selfin the movie business? 

These next months would be pivotal. 
The strain that Turner was under caused 
him to explode from time to time. One 
afternoon he was talking with Nick 
Nicholas and other Time Inc. officials as 
they made their way through the MGM 
parking lot. As Turner walked, he 
sketched out his plans for some of the 
films in the MGM library. “Well, Ted,” 
they pointed out casually, “you know 


“Nou, all this is hush-hush, Walker, but I'm thinking about putting 
together a right-wing death squad.” 


157 


PLAYBOY 


158 


For oer 40 years Federal 

тас» catalog has dere the works ages selection 
fcandons including Trojans Lifestyles Protex. Prime. Contempo. Sagami. 
plus others at discount prices dre lo you through the pracy d mail To 


introduce you lo the finest quality condoms fom Federal, well send you 20 
FREE, or lake advantage of cur EXTRA BONUS or SUPER VALLE aen 
Cort wen green Nol ees STO Senay Tun Buss 


CHECK ONE ONLY 
320 FREE. СІ EXTRA BONUS — 2 SUPER VALLE OFFER, 
CONDONS OFFER 50 cendoms SAVE 60% 100 cordon pus 
(Gerd $2 — plusGgoninlhe — avreyolalNay« 6 Vidnght 
handing) бәй condoms ріс Desire «6 Erotica Ribbed» 3 
SN erty a Con Colors Price 
condoms pis 20. Snugge-Fi= 6 Saxon та 
ens Spil pls 2 FREE 
Send $10. tonfons, 14 condoms in all. 
Send ойу 9195 


For FREE catalog only, са! 1-800-270-1480 


Send cash, check or money ordet to: Federal Phatmacal Ine. 
42 Sherwood, #7, Dept. PBS, Lake Blut, IL 60044 


== Zip 
od ve gel Spends paces 1 ik TE 
Must be 1610 receive offer (21 In AL, MS, NE and WY). 


SIZES: 5-12 
WIDTHS: B-EEE 


FINE MEN'S 

SHOES 

Looks just like ordinary shoes except hidden 
inside is a height increasing innermold. Choose 


from a wide selection of Elevators, including dress 
shoes, boot 


log во k 
almost no time. TOLL FREE I 1800-3433810 
ELEVATORS’ 
RICHLEE SHOE COMPANY, DEPT. PB56 
P.O. Box 3566, Frederick, MD 21701 


we've leased a number of those films.” 

It turned out that HBO had already 
signed deals at low rates for several 
MGM movies. "They're locked up,” they 
said. Turner glanced wildly from one ex- 
ecutive to another, suddenly realizing 
that he hadn't even investigated these 
details. “Goddamn it!” he roared. Turn- 
ing toward the nearest car in the parking 
lot, he started kicking its tires furiously. 

In a calmer moment Turner would ad- 
mit, “Гуе never done anything like this 
before. It's like sailboat racing in a hurri- 
cane. It's like being in an airplane in a 
storm. You buckle your seat belt.” 

Once again, Turner began looking for 
ways to raise money and talking with al- 
most anyone who would listen. He tried 
unsuccessfully to persuade Steven Spiel- 
berg to come in and run MGM. He 
talked about mergers and combinations 
with a number of companies. The Mur- 
doch and Gannett conversations were 
ongoing, though nothing would come of 
them. And now two film companies, the 
Cannon Group and Lorimar-Ielepic- 
tures, were offering to take parts of 
MGM off his hands. Turner had wanted 
to hold on to the MGM studio lot and 
make his own motion pictures. In fact, 
according to aides, he was mesmerized 
by Hollywood and deeply wanted to bea 
part of it. Still, the one thing he ab- 
solutely had to haye was the MGM film 
library. 

In early June 1986, Turner invited a 
group of his business friends—John 
Malone, Nick Nicholas and Michael 
Fuchs, among others—out to the MGM 
lot. He took them on a tour of the studio 
and inyited them back to the Irving 
Thalberg building for cocktails. That's 
when the conversation turned serious. 
What did Ted intend to do? How could 
he get out of this predicament? 

“It remains one of the most incredible 
business meetings I ever had,” recalls 
one of the participants, “because every- 
one was sort of seeing if they could get a 
piece of the action.” Several parallel con- 
versations were going on at once, as 
these high-powered executives dis- 
cussed the different options Turner 
could pursue with TBS and MGM. 
Meanwhile, Turner furiously scribbled 
numbers on the back of an envelope, try- 
ing to see if there was any way he could 
hang on to the studio, One of the execu- 
tives remembers, “1 was thinking about 
the way our company would do it—9 
million accountants, 10,000 lawyers. 
Here was Ted, doing this deal on the 
back of an envelope.” 

As the executives quizzed him about 
MGM's financial situation, it became 
clear how much Turner didn’t know. 
“What's the future home-video value of 
those films?” they asked. “What are the 
contracts with the distribution compa- 
nies?” Wussler recalls, “It was like “Ted 
goes to film school.” After an hour or 


two, it became obvious to everyone that 
Turner didn't have the answers. So they 
told him, as gently as possible, that as of 
that moment, it was not a business for 
which he was prepared. And, says Wuss- 
ler, "they were correct. We were too shal- 
low, too overextended.” In the 53 weeks 
during which Turner would be involved 
with MGM, the studio would bring out a 
total of nine movies, all flops, and lose 
about $65 million. 

That night, when Malone, Nicholas, 
Fuchs and the others left, Turner still 
hadn't made a final decision. But by 
June 6 he had agreed to perhaps the on- 
ly decent option he had: to sell almost 
everything back to Kirk Kerkorian—the 
MGM studio, the video business, even 
the MGM lion logo—for $300 million, 
substantially less than Turner had paid 
for it just three months earlier. The stu- 
dio lot and the film laboratory went to 
Lorimar for $190 million. That left 
Turner with only the library, for which 
he still owed well over a billion dollars. 
“Kerkorian had taken him bad,” says 
one of the cable executives who had just 
visited with Ted. 

But what upset Turner the most, as he 
struggled with his decision in the main 
suite of the Thalberg building that night, 
was the fact that he would never get to 
make his own movies, never bring out 
his own Gone With the Wind or Singin’ in 
the Rain, his own Philadelphia Story or 
Ben-Hur. There he was, sitting bchind 
the executive desk in the MGM glamour 
factory—" More Stars Than There Are in 
the Hcavens"—and the glamour would 
neyer be his. He had come so close to 
running a studio, but somehow it had all 
gotten away from him. There, on the 
MGM lot where so many great movies 
had been filmed, there with the ghosts of 
Gable and Garbo and Garland looking 
over his shoulder, Ted Tumer watched a 
piece of his dream slip away. He put his 
head down on that great wooden desk 
and cried. 


Later that night, only a few hours after 
sorting through the most painful busi- 
ness reorganization of his life, Turner 
showed up in the dining room of the 
Beverly Hills Hotel. More than one cable 
kingpin who had been with Turner earli- 
er that afternoon and witnessed him dis- 
mantling the MGM movie empire 
stopped by his table to offer condo- 
lences. They came away amazed at his 
ebullient mood. Ted was, after all, about 
to suffer the worst financial sethack of his 
life, But he had no time for regrets. “You 
don't look back,” he drawled, flashing 
his gap-toothed, what-the-hell grin 
“You gotta look ahead.” 

For all Turner’s optimism, ahead 
didn’t look any better than behind. Even 
after selling off items such as the MGM 


Put The Sizzle 
ack In Your Sex Life. 


Reignite the Passions 

There's nothing more thrilling than passionate love-making! 
Unfortunately, many of us lose the passion from our relationships and 
accept its demise as “natural.” Don’t you accept that! Now you can 
rejuvenate your love life and reach new heights of sexual pleasure with 
the new “Loving Better,” a three-volume video series for adults only. 


Explicit Lovemaking 
“Loving Better" — featured on CBS This Morning — was creat- 
ed by Dr. Shelly Kule, a psychiatrist, author, and sex 
therapist. Dr. Kule guides you throughout the series, 
explaining the sexually explicit lovemaking tech- 
niques demonstrated for you by a variety of cou- 
ples. The three full-length videos provide you 
with proven methods — gleaned from Dr. 
s of research in human 
coving Better™ 
The “ Loving, Better” video series has been 
available in thirty-four countries in fourteen 
languages, helping lovers of every age and 
level of sophistication. Its easy-to-use tech- 
niques can revitalize your lovemaking, too. 


YOUR SATISFACTION IS GUARANTEED. 
"Loving Better" will absolutely help yon — and 
your partner — to become better and more excit- 
ing lovers. If not, simply return your videos for 
a refund. You risk nothing by ordering now. 
And you have so much to gain; a new and 
passionate love life! 


| Loving Better Sex Videos 


Brandon Research, 32 Henry St., РО. Box 525, Bethel, СТ 06801-0525. 


11 customers call toll-free 
7 Days a week: 


1- 800- 438-8149 


For fastest senice. eredi 


a 
SPECIAL ! NOW AVAILABLE. N 
INTRODUCTORY OFFER Шт eo Qn. mete tom | 
Î Brandon Research, Dept. PB50509 Vi. 1: Musr-Rnow The Basics- m $1495 1 
Originally $399 95. | 32 Henry Street, BO. Box 525 Wi Discovery and Fanas mr 51195 1 
51 ! Bethel, CT 06801-0525 Vol. 3: Advanced Master Techniques. — 1 $1495 i 
now 495 1 THE 5-УОШ МЕ SET — Save $5.00! — 1» 53985 1 
{Please send me the full-length ا‎ 1 
only V VIS videos indicated at right: Shipping ced el 
1 2-day Express Delivery add only 5350: 1 
Yol. 1: "Must-Know" Sexual Basics. 1 TOTAL 1 
Sexual explicit lovemaking basics demon. 1 1 
sirated, 1 Chargemy ПУА C MasterCard ГО Check/money order enclosed payable to Brandon Research I 
liscovery and Erotic Fantasy. De oes кур DATE Н 
and erotic dreams and discovering | 1 m 1 
new techniques with four couples. I CARDMIMBERS 
Yol. 3: Advanced Master Techniques. 1 
Loving and caring, self loving, loving better (| се = = == 
and sexual positions [| mrs 
Стн 60 min VIDEOS! | ! POL 
ALL FULL-LEN I an SINE. zi 
1 All videos are shipped 10 yon in a discreet, confidential package. 
“All videos contain mudir and explicit lovemaking, | 1 


brandon Research 
D 


PLAYBOY 


studio, the lion logo and the video busi- 
ness, to say nothing of the studio lot and 
the film laboratory, he still had a crush- 
ing debt of more than $1 billion and no 
way to pay it off. Plus, TBS stock would 
fall to about half its value. 

Over the next year, Turner would cast 
about for money, turning finally to the 
cable operators. In June 1987 his cus- 
tomers became his partners, giving him 
$562 million for 37 percent of TBS. 
Gå Turner played the deal as a vic 
don't consider it a rescue at all”), 
the cable CEOs who joined his board 
were much more hard-nosed. “That was 
not Ted pulling off a coup—that was Ted 
being rescued,” said one. “At the time, 
the MGM deal was a mistake. I mean, if 
you say ‘1 just made a deal that required 
me to give away half my company,’ when 
that wasn't the intent of the deal—well, it 
might work out in the future, but at the 
time it was clearly a miscalculation.” 

The price of the miscalculation was 
that the new board members from Time 
Warner, TCI and other cable companies 
had acquired veto power over any Tur- 
ner move involving more than $2 mil- 
lion—in short, any major move at all. 
"Ted's seat-of-the-pants style was going to 
have to change. He was about to be 
reined in by the cable operators, and he 
knew it. For all his jokes, Turner was 
heard to mutter as he wandered around 
his office, "I've lost control. . . . Гус lost 


control." He had broken his father's car- 
dinal rule: Never give up pieces of your 
company. 

In the past eight years, Turner has 
chafed many times under his board's 
constraints as it has blocked his expan- 
sion moves time and again. Bids for the 
Financial News Network, MGM (yet 
again), Orion and NBC have been 
squelched. And it was, of course, just this 
past year that he complained the board 
had "clitorized" him. 

But the irony is that this same board 
has contributed mightily to Ted Turner's 
success today. The directors helped pro- 
vide a structure, an organization, finan- 
cial discipline for Turner's visionary 
drive. Even more important, in 1987 he 
became inextricably tied to the future of 
the cable industry—the heads of cable's 
biggest companies now had a financial 
stake in him. And they could make sure 
Turner would succeed by helping him 
launch new networks such as TNT, then 
guarantee him millions of viewers. 

And succeed he did. By 1989, in one 
of the most dramatic turnarounds in 
American business, Ted Turner, the man 
who "left town in a barrel," was now be- 
ing called Captain Comeback. His stock 
shot up, tripling, quadrupling, quintu- 
pling in value. Turner now had three of 
the six most watched networks on basic 
cable and was earning record profits. 
His own holdings neared the $2 billion 


IT Was, Like, 50 
EMBARRASSING. MY BRACES 
GeT STUck oN HER 


Navel RING. 


mark. "He's ona roll,” said both The Wall 
Street Journal and Business Week. 

Perhaps the most startling indicator of 
Turner's extraordinary success was the 
lawsuit filed against MGM directors by 
angry MGM minority shareholders. 
Once inclined to joke about how Kerko- 
rian had fleeced him, they were now 
fuming at Turner's achievement in mar- 
keting the film library and creating new 
networks. MGM, they insisted, had been 
sold too cheaply. It was they, not Turner, 
who had been cheated in the deal. 

Yet Turner's desire for a studio and a 
network would not go away. Like an itch 
that he had to keep scratching, Turner 
returned again and again to the failures 
of the CBS and MGM deals. And each 
time he was blocked by his board of di- 
rectors. “When you have two ten-ton go- 
villas controlling him," said one execu- 
tive, “he can have all the conversations 
he wants, but nothing ever goes any- 
where.” Though Time Warner and TC1 
had a stake in Turner, they didn’t want 
him to get too big. 

It was only in August 1993, after a se- 
ries of threats, bluffs and complaints in 
the media, that Time Warner blinked 
and allowed Turner to enter the motion 
picture business with the $900 million 
purchase of New Line and Castle Rock— 
a small studio and a boutique produc- 
tion company, respectively. New Line 
had produced such youth-pleasers as 
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and the 
Nightmare on Elm Street series. Castle 
Rock had had success with In the Line of 
Fire and When Harry Met Sally. It wasn’t 
exactly the big time, but it was the fulfill- 
ment ofa dream. Finally, Turner was go- 
ing to be able to green-light movies of 
his own 

Today, Castle Rock, New Line and 
their parent Turner Pictures anticipate 
turning out about 40 movies a year, and 
‘Turner is spending money lavishly, the 
way the old movie moguls did. Turner 
Pictures has also joined the Motion Pic- 
ture Association of America, making it 
the eighth “major” studio, albeit a minor 
major. Turner continues to be interested 
in acquiring one of the other seven ma- 
jors. And he is still very much trying to 
gain control of a broadcast network, an 
NBC or a CBS, because Ted Turner sim- 
ply does not know how to quit. 

There is a story about the time some 
20 years ago when Turner was running 
down the main street of Anderson, 
South Carolina on his way to a business 
appointment and was struck by a car. 
Preoccupied with the sales pitch ahead, 
he just bounced off and kept right on 
running. 

“Iwo decades later, Ted Turner is still 
running. And despite his recent clitor- 
ization scare, there seems to be no stop- 


ping him. 
El 


JOHN PAUL П «ud from page 142) 


God sees masturbation as absolutely harmless! A ve- 
lease! By God, I even give it a yank myself sometimes. 


and 11.3 seconds—thereby beating. if 
you'll excuse the pun, the time limit on 
the free preview. 

[More silence] 
ME: Look, you could've gotten that infor- 
mation from some plant in the hotel. 
This whole country is Mafia-run, and 
they're all Catholics, so it wouldn't sur- 
prise me. 
pore: Two weeks ago in Chicago you cli- 
maxed in two minutes and 23.2 seconds 
while watching Crocodile Blondes on Spec- 
travision, channel seven, at the Embassy 
Suites, State Street. 

[Still more silence] 
ME: So—— 
pore: He sees all, my son. He sees all. He 
has told me everything. 
МЕ: Everything? 
rore: Yes. Everything. Like the time you 
broke into the rectory closet and stole a 
jar of hosts when you were 12, The oral 
sex with Eileen O'Connor behind the 
convent. That time in New York City with 
the black woman you thought was just 
big-boned when in fact she was 
МЕ: OK, OK— get the point. 


POPE: Good. Now, have you read my 
book? 
ME: Yes. [Pause] No. 
pore: Ah-ha! 
ME: I've just been so busy. 
POPE: Join the club, When was the last 
time you went to Mass? 
ме: I don't know. Five, six years ago. 

[A moment of silence] 
МЕ: OK, OK. Seventeen years ago. 
pore: That's better. Now, I want you to 
go back home to the U.S., read my book 
over and over until you know it back to 
front, start going to Mass regularly and 
then, six months from now—and only if 
you've kept up your attendance—I will 
allow you to interview me again. OK? 
МЕ: OK. 
pore: Stop downstairs on your way out 
and say ten Hail Marys and ten Our Fa- 
thers as penance. 
ME: Do I have to? 
POPE: Yes. 
ме: Can I ask one last question? 
POPE: Sure. 
ME: Does, um, does God really consid- 


Masturbation? 

ME: Yeah. Yeah. Does he really consider 

ita sin? 

pore: Hell, no! He sees it as absolutely 

harmless. A release! By God, I even give 

it a yank myself sometimes. We have 

Spectravision right here in the Vatican! 

ME: Wow! 

pore; I'm kiddi 

МЕ: Oh, man. 

pork: Like a fish on a hook, I had you. 
e 

ME: It's not funny. 

pore: I'll say it’s not! Every time you do 

it, it's two more weeks in hell. 

ME: Oh my God. 

POPE: You can say that again. You better 

start praying, pal. 

[Angelo arrives with the sanduiches and 
the beer] 
pope: Ah, Angelo! I may have to make 
you a saint. Look at this spread! Now, 
Angelo, wrap up Mr. Leary's sandwich. 
He has to leave. 

[Angelo takes my sandwich and exits.] 
rore: I hope you have found this en- 
lightening, my son. 

МЕ: Yes, your holiness. 

pore: What do you think of my ring? 
ME: It's, uh, um— 

РОРЕ: Super Bowl, my ass! Hey, Angelo! 
Where the hell's the mustard? 


Sensual 
Products 


How to order them 
without embarrassment. 


How to use them 
without disappointment. 


er, uh- 
day, people are interested in improving, 
the quality of their lives and exploring 


Jd their own sensuality with options from 


the Xandria Collection. 


The most important aspect of satisfaction. 
is trust. Trust us to make sure that thoughtful 
consideration goes into choosing each product 
in the catalogue, as to its quality, value, and 
sensual appeal. 

What is the Xandria Collection? 

It is a very special collection of sensual 
products. It includes the finest and most effec- 
tive products available from around the world, 
Products that can open new doors to pleasure 
(perhaps many you never knew existed)! 

Our products range from the 
simple to the delightfully complex. 
They are designed for the timid, the 
bold, or for anyone who has ever 
wished there could be something 
more to their sensual pleasures. 

The Xandria Collection has had 
the same unique, no-worry, three-way 
guarantee for more than 20 years. 

1. We guarantee your privacy. 

Everything we ship is plainly pack- 
aged and securely wrapped, with no 
clue as to its contents from the 
outside. All transactions are strictly 
confidential and we never sell, rent, or 
trade any customer's name. 


2, We guarantee your satisfaction. 
If a product seems unsatisfactory, return it 
within 60 days for a replacement or refund, 


3. We guarantee the quality of our products 

for one year. 

If it malfunctions, simply return it to us for å 
replacement. 


The Xandria Gold Collection is a tribute to 
closeness and communication. Celebrate the 
possibilities for pleasure we each have within us. 

If you're ready to intensify your own plea- 
sure, then send for the Xandria Gold Edition 
Catalogue. It is priced at just $400, which is 
applied in full to your first order. 

Write today. You have absolutely nothing 
to lose, and an entirely new world of enjoy- 
ment to gain! 

TII ^u 
| The Xandria Collection, Dept. PB0695 
РО. Box 31039, San Francisco, CA 94131 


Please send me, by first class mail, my copy of the 
Xandria Gold Edition Catalogue. Enclosed is my check 
«xr money order for our dollars, which will be applied 
toward my fist purchase. ($4 US, 55 CAN, ЕЗ UK) 


1 
И 1 
1 1 
| I 
4 1 
1 1 
| Ra 7 
y Address, A | 
1 1 
1 [i 
1 1 
' П 
1 1 
1 ' 
1 


State — Zip 


Taman adult over 21 years of age (sigomture required): 


Xandria, 165 Valley Drive, Brisbane, Clilornia 94005-1340 | 
id where prohibited by lav: 


PE 


161 


PLAYBOY 


162 


©) К E E K 5 (continued from page 122) 


When the fan was released from prison 17 months lat- 
er, Mayjune ran over him in a rented automobile. 


other hand, the beast had been insured 
like the Hope diamond. 

Closer to home, the comedian Bill 
Terry was known to be unhappy, in his 
sober moments, at playing second fiddle 
to a dog. Without the dog, of course, Bill 
Terry wasn't even dog meat, but actors 
have been known to have egos. Other 
news about Terry was said to be on its 
way from headquarters in Florida. 

Keeping ‘Terry comparatively calm 
and happy was his live-in girlfriend, 
Sherry Cohen, a co-producer of Sheeks 
who was credited with being most of the 
brains behind the show. She'd been a 
television professional for 15 years and 
had persuaded the network to hire Bill 
Terry despite his drinking problem. “ГИ 
take care of that,” she had reportedly 
told them, and so she had. If there was 
one reason the show had lasted five 
years, other than the pitiable state of the 
American mind, it was Sherry's control 
of Terry. 


Another human close to Skeeks was 
his housekeeper, Mayjune Kent, a for- 
mer Miss America runner-up who had a 
successful career as an auto show model, 
standing in long gowns on all those 
turntables, until a crazed fan threw acid 
in her face, reasoning that since he 
couldn't have her, no one else should. 
The fan received a very light sentence, 
since Mayjune publicly and often for- 
gave him, saying, “He only did it for 
love.” 

However, when the fan was released 
from prison 17 months later, Mayjune 
ran over him ina rented automobile, ex- 
plaining she'd been blinded by tcars of 
joy at seeing him a free man. She was put 
‘on trial, nevertheless, for manslaughter 
and given probation and assistance in 
finding employment. Several human 
employers had agreed they could over- 
look her history, but when they met her 
they realized they'd never be able to 
overlook that face. Skeeks was the only 


“I don't want to say hello to anyone or 
thank anyone. That's the kind of guy I am, and 
that’s why I win fights.” 


employer in southern California able 
and willing to give the unfortunate 
young woman housing and a decent job, 
and Mayjune was said to be devoted to 
the animal. 

“Well, children,” Boy said, “you have 
done reasonably well. Material for sever- 
al stories here, particularly if Bill Terry 
has been cheating on Sherry Cohen or 
vice versa. However, none of this matters 
if we don’t get the body in the box, and I 
am assured that any number of homici- 
dal ex-footballers stand between us and 
that goal. When the going gets tough, as 
you've heard, the tough proceed, and I 
do believe one has found the answer.” 
Then he dropped his bombshell: “One 
has learned, through an unimpeachable 
source, that Skeeks was murdered.” 

“No!” everybody cried. “Who? Why? 
Are you sure?” 

“Yes,” Boy replied. "Don't know yet. 
Don't know yet. Yes. The veterinary hos- 
pital is keeping the fact quiet for its own 
reasons. We know and no one else.” 

Jim Jemmy blushed. 

“How,” Boy asked rhetorically, “may 
we use this information? One is glad you 
asked. We shall find the murderer, in the 
next 24 hours. Anyone close enough to 
poison the beast can get close enough to 
take his picture. We shall confront the 
murderer and demand the photo 2s our 


jaw dropped. “You mean, we 
won't print the story about the murder?” 

“Of course we will. But the photo first. 
1 didn't say we wouldn't publish, I said 
we'd say we wouldn't publish.” 

“Oh, that’s all right, then,” Trixie said. 

“This is a manhunt,” Boy told his 
team, “or possibly a womanhunt. Go, 
seek, find. And, Trixie?” 

Ne 

“ГИ want you in my office. You do 
have tweezers, one hopes?” 


The voice of Don Grove, a Florida- 
based member of the team, murmured 
in Boy's ear, and Boy took notes as he 
rode along in the backseat of the limo 
steered randomly around Santa Monica 
by their driver-stringer, Portnikuff. "I'm 
going over the wall now," murmured 
Don, and someblocks away he was doing 
it, slipping into Dungowrie, half a square 
block of expensive Santa Monica real es- 
tate, residence of the late Skecks. 

As Boy rode and listened, Don pene- 
trated deeper into the place, describing 
what he saw. Within the tall tan stucco 
walls stood a modest two-story Mission- 
design house, a U-shaped swimming 
pool, a number of short specimen palm 
trees and a space Don described as look- 
ing like a miniature golf course, actually 
Skeeks' exercise area, with bouncing 
balls on strings, sticks that threw and 
returned themselves and a small sand- 
box of carrion for the star to roll in, 


replenished weekly. 

The main point here was description, 
so communication was one-way and Don 
didn't have too much to carry—just the 
microphone clipped to his turned-up 
collar and the power pack in his pocket. 
Forward he went, murmuring, to a pair 
of French doors, and on into the house. 

“Freeze!” 

Boy had written Fr before he got his 
wits about him. That was a different 
voice, female and harsh. Mayjune, the 
housekeeper? 

"Don't move! Don't turn around! You 
don't want to see me!" 

The housekeeper, check. And Don was 
caught. 

When Don spoke in a normal voice, as 
he did now—'TIl go quietly"—it about 
took Boy's head off. He scrabbled at his 
ear to remove the tiny speaker but 
stopped when he heard the woman say, 
“You won't go anywhere. Not till the po- 
lice get here. You hit an electric eye on 
top of that wall, and I'm holding a gun 
on you. So it isn’t that easy, is it?” 

“I'm just a reporter!" Don bellowed 
into Boy's quaking ear. 

"Don't lie to me! Don't you think I 
know what you're up to? You can tell 
her, you can tell all of them——” 

Yes? Yes? Boy waited, pencil poised. 
A siren sounded, separately in both 
his ears. 

The woman spoke again: "Hear that 
siren?" 

“Yes,” Boy said. "Home, James,” he 
told the driver, 

“The name's Hubert." 

Don's voice roared through Boy's 
head: "I'm turning around. I want to 
explain —" 

"Don't! You'll be sorry!" 

"I just want you to know I'm—— 
Aaakkk!” 

A police car hurtled by, siren roaring, 
but the bug-eyed Boy couldn't hear it. 
By the time his ears recovered from that 
last shriek, the limo was halfway to 
Venice, and from the speaker embedded 
in Boy's ear came only a gurgle, а grum- 
ble, a rush, a slosh. 

Mayjune. Don Grove, with one look at 
her, had swallowed the microphone. 


ARMED RESPONSE, said the hexagonal 
sign mounted on the brick wall just 
above the front doorbell. But why offer a 
doorbell if you then threaten to shoot 
anyone who uses it? “America,” Boy de- 
cided. He pressed his pale, fat thumb to 
the button and, of course, nothing hap- 
pened. All bluster, these people. 

“What?” 

Bending to speak into the grid from 
which that aggressive word had rocket- 
ed, Boy, at his most British, plummily 
answered, “Alasdair Smythe here, of 
Lloyd's." 

"Don't want any." 


“Afraid it’s not your choice, old bean. 
The insured hes passed over.” 

A brief silence and then, “What?” 

“Are we going back to square one, old 
crumpet? The animal Skeeks, insured by 
Lloyd's of London, is no more. I am the 
claims examiner.” 
A longer pause this time and then, 


Boy waited. The sleepy hills of Bel Air 
reposed around him, the curving roads 
dotted with grubby gardeners’ trucks, 
the residents presumably all within, on 
their Stair Masters. Behind this high 
brick wall, with its wide electric gate, a 
gleaming blacktop drive angled up a 
grassy slope toward a lesser Tara. And 
down the drive, in an electric cart, came 
a burly, sullen fellow in tan uniform and 
dark sunglasses, pistol in holster on hip. 
The armed response, at last. 

Dismounting from his trusty cart, this 
hollow threat approached the gate, 
gazed through it at Boy and said, “You 
got ID?" 

“Of course.” 

Of course. Boy could prove himself to 
be anybody you wanted. After brooding 
over the impressive Smythe ID, the 
armed responder wordlessly opened the 
gate, then offered Boy a lift to the house 
several feet away. 

In front, on the lawn, a man in shorts 
and Gold's Gym sweatshirt juggled Indi- 
an clubs, not very well; as Boy watched 
the man bit Limselfon the head. “Stop,” 
bade Boy, and he stepped off the cart be- 
fore it halted. Ignoring the indignant 
words from behind him, he approached 
the juggler. “William Kampledown, 1 
believe.” 

The man hit himself again with sever- 
al clubs, which then fell to the ground. 
He stared openmouthed at Boy. “What 
did you say?” 

The background information on Bill 
Terry, long known but not previously 
found useful, had arrived from Florida, 
Boy said, “Wanted for manslaughter in 
Canada. The plastic surgeon who made 
you comical instead of recognizable is 
now a well-paid consultant for a televi- 
sion network.” 

“Tt was all a mistake,” the man 
kicking the fallen clubs in his agitation. 
“I was drunk. Somebody else was 
driving. It wasn't me anyway. I never 
heard that name before." 

“And now you're Bill Terry, drinking 
to forget, a TV star beloved by millions, 
though not as beloved as Skeeks. 

“What the hell is going on out there?” 

Boy turned in the direction of that 
squawk and saw, on the rose-trellised 
porch of the pocket Tara, an appa 
Atopa slender body, a perfectly ordinary 
cheerleader's face had been given to 
South American tribesmen to shrink. 
Then it had been shellacked and had 
zircons placed in its eye sockets. Scary 
but sexy. “Ah, madam,” Boy began, 


0% ОН 


CONDOMS BY MAIL 


Imagine getting 100 condoms in a single 
package by mail! Adam & Eve, one of the 
most respected retailers in birth control 
products, offers you a large selection of 
men’s contraceptives. Including TRO- 
JANS, RAMSES, LIFESTYLES, SKINLESS 
SKINS, plus PRIME with nonoxynol9 
spermicidal lubrication and TEXTURE 
PLUS, featuring hundreds of “pleasure 
dots." We also offer your choice of the 
best Japanese brands — the most finely 
engineered condoms in the world! Our 
famous condom sampler packages let you 
try top quality brands and choose for 
yourself. Or for fantastic savings why not 
try the new “Super 100” sampler of 100 
leading condoms — 16 brands (a $50 
value). Here is our guarantee: If you do 
not agree that Adam & Eve's sampler 
packages and overall service are the best 
available anywhere, we will refund your 
money in full, no questions asked. 


Send check or money order to: 
Adam х Eve Oro mm 
Please rush in plain package under your money- 
back guarantee: 

D #1232 21 Condom Sampler 
3 #6623 38 Condom Sampler 
1 #6403 Super 100 Sampler 


Seed $300 
di $45 
„Ума $995 


Name 
Address __ 5 
Gy. Sete Zip 


VISA ог MasterCard orders 
CALL 18003345474. 


164 


HOW T 


о BUY 


PLAYBOY expands your pur- 
chasin 
list of retailers and manu- 
facturers you can contact for 
information on where to find 
this month's merchandise. To 
buy the apparel and equip- 
ment shown on pages 22, 
24-26, 33, 98-99, 116-121, 
126-127 and 169, check the 
listings below to find the stores 


nearest 
у — 


power by providing a \ 


AA 


TRAVEL 

Page 33: "Don't Leave 
Home Without It”; Head- 
phones by Magellan, 800- 
962-4943, Scalp saver by Jl- 
lume Assoc., 800-662-8768. 
Travel pack by Thymes Limit- 
ed, 800-366-4071. 


TACTILE TIES 

Pages 98-99: By Superba, 
213-688-7970. By Ralph 
Lauren, 800-775-POLO. By 


STYLE 
Page 22: “Sunsational Sport Specs": Sun- 
glasses: By Adidas, 800-426-6396. By Re- 
vo, 800-THE-REVO. From Killer Loop Activ 
by Bausch & Lomb, 800-343-5594. From 
Ray-Ban Sport Series Collection by Bausch е? 
Lomb. By Oakley, 800-733-6255. “Polo, 
Anyone?”: Shirts: By Lacoste, at Saks Fifth 
Avenue, 611 Fifth Ave, NYC, 212-753- 
5400, Barneys New York, 25 E. Oak St, 
Chicago, 312-587-1200, and Blooming- 
dale's, 1000 Third Ave., NYC, 212-705- 
2000. By Robert Stock, at Robinson's-May, 
6150 Laurel Canyon Blvd., North Holly- 
wood, 818-766-4111, and Famous-Bar, 
601 Olive St, St. Louis, 314-444-3111. By 
Derek Andrew, at Saks Fifth Avenue stores, 
und Fred Segal Melrose, 8100 Melroze 
Ave., Los Angeles, 213-651-3342. By Bobby 
Jones, at department stores. By Pivot Rules, 
at Bloomingdale's, Saks Fifth Avenue and 
Bigsby & Kruthers, 835 N. Michigan Ave., 
Chicago. “Hot Shopping: Denver”: 

Hill People's Fair, 303-830-1651. Imi Jimi, 
303-832-1823. Fashionation, 303-832-2909. 
American Aces, 303-733-2237. Groovalistic, 
303-620-9615. Wax Trax, 303-831. 7246. 
"Clothes Line": Suit by Giorgio Armani, at 
Armani stores. Jeans by Girbaud, at de- 
partment stores. Shoes by Kenneth Cole, 
800-KEN-COLE. Eyewear by L.A. Eyeworks, 
213-653-8255. “Let There Be Dark": Sun- 
less tanners: By Bain de Soleil, Hawaiian 
Tropic and Neutrogena, at drugstores. By 
Nautica and Folo Sport, at department 
stores. By Јан Tana, 800-JAN-TANA. 


WIRED 

Pages 24-26: “DSS Update”: Program- 
ming: From DirecTV, 800-347-3288. From 
USSB, 800-238-8378. “Wild Things 
Business card filer by Panasonic, 201- 
7000. Computer light by ASF Associates, 
800-771-3600. “Multimedia Reviews & 
News": CD-ROMs: By 7th Level, 800-884- 
8863. By Pro Phone, 800-992-3766. By Voj- 
ager, 800-446-2001. By id Software, 212- 
951-3158. T-shirts and caps by Netwear, 
800-006-0327. Game Cop by Analytic Con- 
cepts, 408-371-3062. 


Audrey Buckner, 212-581- 
1150. By Tino Cosma, 800-847 8437. By 
Villa Bugatti, 213-688-7970. By Nick Hilton 
Collection, 800-441-8080. Eyewear by 
Calvin Klein Eyewear, 800-544-1336. 


IN THE SWIM 
Page 116: Swimwear: By Giorgio Armani Le 
Collezioni, at Saks Filth Avenue, 611 Fifth. 
Ауе, NYC, 212-753-5400. By Tommy Hil- 
figer. Necklace by Alissa Neglia, at Alissa 
Мера, 89 E. 2nd St., NYC, 212-677-7006. 
Page 117: Swimwear by Nautica, at Nauti- 
са, 11 W. 19th St, NYC, 212-249-4432. 
Sunglasses by Oliver Peoples, at Oliver Peo- 
ples. 8642 Sunset Blvd., Los Angeles, 310- 
657-2553. Swimwear by Gianni Versace, at 
Gianni Versace, 437 N. Rodeo Dr., Bever- 
ly Hills, 310-276-6799. Page 119: Swim- 
wear: By GM Surf, at Georges Mardano 
Boutique, 323 N. Rodeo Dr, Beverly 
Hills, 310-271-1818. By Paul Smith Acces- 
sories, at Paul Smith, 108 Fifth Ave, NYC, 
212-627-9770. Sunglasses by Oakley, 800- 
733-6255. Bracelet by Alissa Neglia, at Alis- 
sa Neglia, Thongs by J. Crew, 800-562- 
0258. Page 121: Swimwear by Ocean 
Pacific, at JCPenney stores. 


GIFTS FOR DADS & GRADS 

Pages 126-127: Decanter and picture 
frame from Christofle, 800-693-9700. Cam- 
ега by Olympus, 800-622-6372. TV by 
Marantz, 800-654-6633. Watch by Timex. 
800-367-8463. Personal communicator by 
Bell South, 800-746-6672. Sunglasses by 
Porsche Design, 800-521-5121. Pages 128- 
129: Camera by Canon, 800-828-4040. 
Flask from Motif, 312-880-9900. Note- 
book computer by /BM, 800-772-2227. 
Sunglasses by Oakley, 800-733-6255. 
Watch by Breitling, 203-327-1411. Au- 
dio/video system by Casio, 800-962-9746. 
Picture frame from Gucci, 800-388-6785. 


ON THE SCENE 
Page 169: Head-mounted displays: By 
Virtual i-o, 800-646-3759. By Virtual Enter- 
tainment Systems, 914-631-9400. By Fonte 
Technologies, Inc., 716-427-8595. By Victor- 
max, 800-815-MAXX. 


Et RUBIN TOUCHÉYOME PICTURES; мо 


BERG P 184 STYLIST: XAVIER CABRERA FOR CLOUTIER Р 160 VEST BY BANANA REPUBLIC. BOOTS BY CHERNIN SHOES 


approaching her, “I am——” 

“Not selling insurance, I hope.” 

“Of course not, madam, I am- 

But she was glaring past him at the 
man on the lawn, snarling at him. “What 
are you standing around for? You have 
te be able to keep those goddamn things 
in the air by next Wednesday, when The 
Bill and Tommy Show starts to tape!” 

“Maybe we can get some with helium 
in them,” the man suggested. 

“All the helium we need,” she an- 
swered, “is in your head.” Switching her 
glare to Boy, she demanded, “What does 
Lloyd’s of London want from us?” 

“We are the insurers of —" 

“Well, we're not the owners. We're not 
putting in any claims. 

On the lawn, Bill Terry once again 
flung Indian clubs about. Boy said, “I 
take it I am addressing Ms. Sherry Co- 
hen. Ms. Cohen, Lloyd’s would like to 
extend its condolences at- 

“Save them,” she suggested. 

Something short in bib overalls that 
was either a depraved cherub or the 
Nicaraguan bantamweight champion 
now came out onto the porch and 
whined, “Well, are we playing Scrabble 
or not?” 

“Be right there, Tommy,” Sherry Co- 
hen said, her irritation at once deliquesc- 
ing. She couldn't have gazed on the tiny 
tot with more ardor if he'd been a 
T-bone steak. “We're just saying goodbye 
to the insurance man.” The zircon eyes 
swung around in the snake head. 
“Goodbye.” 

"Madam, if I could ——" 

“ГИ ride you to the gate,” offered the 
armed responder as woman and child 
swept into the house and Bill Terry con- 
tinued to bean himself. 

“I believe I can find it,” Boy said. 


Back at the Galaxy nest, Boy went over 
what had been learned. None of the 
businessmen of Shunbec International 
had been in Los Angeles at the key mo- 
ment, all being under subpoena in Texas 
for something or other to do with busi- 
ness legality. Bill Terry, Sherry Cohen 
and Mayjune Kent were all without ali- 
bis, and no one else could have been 
close enough to the animal at the appro- 
priate moment to do him in. (A trainer 
normally accompanied Skeeks between 
Dungowrie and the studio, but Skeeks 
had been on a two-month hiatus in film- 
ing, so the trainer had been gone for a 
weck on safari in Tanzania.) 

“These are our suspects,” Boy an- 
nounced to his motley crew. “We want 
to know where they were, minute by 
minute, over the past three days. We 
want to know what stores they went to, 
whom they visited, what doctors are 
their friends. We want their credit card 
receipts. We want to know which of these 


three dispatched the lovable pooch, and 
we want it by nine tomorrow morning, 
because the cadaver will be limoing 
Kirk-ward by 11.” 

‘This was a unique position in which 
the Galaxians found themselves; they 
were turning their talents to good. The 
same rapacious tenacity with which they 
tracked star adultery, UFO sightings and 
arthritis cures would now be lasered into 
solving a fiendish, not го say heinous, 
crime. Is it any wonder their sallow 
cheeks glowed with something similar to 
health, their dead eyes came to life, or 
something very like life? 

Yoicks and away; Nemesis has nothing 
on the Weekly Galaxy. 


Palindrome Productions occupied the 
upper floor of a two-story building in 
downtown Santa Monica. Here were the 
offices of all the company members ex- 
cept Skeeks, who never had much in- 
volved himself in decision making at his 
firm. And outside, at four that after- 
noon, the fellow up the telephone pole, 
with the telephone company hard hat 
and the telephone equipment dangling 
from his utility belt and the telephone 
company identification clipped to his 
work shirt, had, of course, nothing to do 
with the phone company at all but was 
Chauncey Chapperrell of the Weekly 
Galaxy. Other Calaxians, in California 
and Florida, were busily rooting into the 
suspects’ lives, records and garbage cans, 
but Chauncey hit pay dirt with this 
conversation: 

“Palindrome Productions.” 

“Sherry, please. 

“Who shall I say is calling?” 

“Mayjune.” 

“One moment, please.” 

Chauncey, whose usual assignment for 
the Galaxy was outer space, took the op- 
portunity here to survey the world from 
a second-story level and found it good. 
No wonder that UFO aliens come here 
so often; it's a fun place when seen from 
abo 

“I'm sorry, Ms. Kent, but Ms. Cohen is 
unavailable at the moment.” 

“She'd better be available. Or should I 
call the district attorney?” 

“One moment, please.” 

Chauncey was taping this conversa- 
tion but he wasn't listening to it. He was 
grooving on reality instead, as seen from 
15 feet up. It had been a while since he 
had concentrated so totally on the moth- 
er planet. 

“Mayjune? What the hell is all this 
about?” 

“I want you to come right over here, 
Sherry.” 

“I'm busy here. Do you have any idea 
what a mess we have on our hands?” 

“It's nothing next to the mess you will 
have. Be here in half an hour.” And 


Mayjune Kent hung up. 
So did Chauncey. 


After Don Grove's experience at Dun- 
gowrie—the fellow was still in jail, have 
to do something about that eventually— 
Boy knew that over the wall was not the 
way to enter the estate. Not that he was 
much of a wall-scaler anyway. He was 
lucky if he could scale a curb. 

Fortunately, money makes a fine sub- 
stitute for muscle. Having hired a bur- 
glar known as Rack, Boy now sat com- 
fortably in the rear of the limo piloted by 
Hubert Portnikuff and waited. Yonder, 
Rack, shielded from passing curious eyes 
by Chauncey and Trixie, who were en- 
gaged in long and sprightly conversation 
on the sidewalk in front of him, was dis- 
mantling the burglar alarm. Next he 
would unlock the ornamental iron front 


gate, override the call-the-police sec- 
ondary alarm system by the inner door 
and finally snick open that last barrier. 

There, done it. Having repacked his 
tools into his capaciously pocketed jack- 
et, Rack sauntered away, a tune and a 
cigarette on his lips, while Trixie and 
Chauncey strode off in the opposite di- 
rection. Boy at last dambered stiffly out 
of the limo, strolled over to the estate en- 
trance and eased on inside. 

Everything in here was familiar from 
Don Grove's description. Boy moved 
past the pool, the palms, the exercise 
area—phew, carrion—and around to the 
French doors at the right side, one pair 
of which stood open to the evening air. 
Boy inserted himself into the house. 

Voices. Female voices, some distance 
off. Were the servants at home or away? 
(None lived in, only Mayjune and Skeeks 
ever actually being in residence here.) 
Following that peremptory summons 


“Heathcliff?” 


165 


166 i 


HOW TO 
PICK UP 
GIRLS! 


Eric Weber's world fomous 
dossic. Over 2 million copies 
in print. Translated into over 
20 longuoges. Featuring 
interviews with 25 beoutiful girls. They tell you exactly 
what it takes to pick them up. Learn: = How fo moke 
shyness work for you = Best places to meet girls = 50 
great opening lines • Worlds greatest pickup tech- 
nique © How fo get women fo approach you — HOW 
TO PICK UP GIRLS is not available in bookstores. 
To order send only $16.95 plus $4.00 (1st Class 
Postage). VISA/MC/AMEX accepted. See Address below. 


How To Talk to Women 

Do you де! tongue-tied around 

attractive women? World famous 

author Eric Weber is here to help 

with an amazing 90 minute 

cassette of his highly acclaimed New 

York City Course. You will learn 

* How to "break the ice" with women L 

* How to make а woman feel loving е Why the most 

beautiful women are the easiest to meet • Conversation 
jers that don't sound corny е Places where women 

alwoys outnumber men е And so much more! To order 

“HOW TO TALK TO WOMEN” send only $19.95 

plus $4.00 (Ist Coss Postage). See Address below. 


SYMPHONY PRESS INC. Dept. PB) 

RO. Bex 7030, Brick, NJ 00723. Honey Bock Cuorentes 

Bah items only $32.95 + 400 На Cass Postage 
A/AMEX Phore 1-800-631-2560 /Fox 1-908 


SINGERS! 


REMOVE VOCALS 
FROM RECORDS AND CDs! 


ISING WITH THE WORLD'S BEST BANDS! 
‘An Unlimited supply of Backgrounds from standard 
stereo recordings! Record with your volce or perform. 
live with the backgrounds. Used in Professional 
Performance yet connects easily to а home component 
stereo. Phone for Free Brochure and Demo Record. 
LT Sound, Dept. PB56,7980 LT Parkway 
Lithonia, GA 30058 (404) 482-4724) 
Manufactured and 5014 Exclusively by LT Sound 
24 HOUR PHONE DEMO LINE: (4041482-2485 


Your Number One Source of... 


ontact Lenses for Less! 


Ip to 70% Savings and 
MORE on all Name Brand 
Contact Lenses. 


For more information and orders, 
please call TOLL FREE» 


1/800-2 VISION į 


Sees ei 


(1/800-284-7466) 


1009 E. 40th Street #301 
751 


m 


from Mayjune, Sherry Cohen had been 
in here for 20 minutes now. What could 
they be talking about? Boy needed to 
know. He filtered through the house like 
a bad case of tar and nicotine, and the 
voices gradually grew louder. 

"There. A sort of Moorish living room, 
with arches and pillars everywhere, a 
few low couches and low tables, hanging 
lamps and a big round doggy bed in the 
middle of the floor. Peering from the 
semidarkness behind a pillar, Boy be- 
held the two women seated near cach 
other, on sofas at right angles, with a low 
table between them. Boy blinked; they 
were drinking tea and eating cookies. 

Really? The tape Boy had heard of 
Mayjune's phone call hadn't sounded 
like an invitation to tea. But here they 
were, just the two of them, murmuring 
together, munching cookies, sipping tea. 
Sherry Cohen, on the lefi, looked softer 
than when Boy had last seen her, at the 
house she shared with Bill Terry—and 
‘Tommy Little?—in Bel Air. Or if not soft- 
er, at least less sure of herself. 

And then there was Mayjune. Oh my. 
The Phantom of the Opera's sister. If 
Boy Cartwright had a painting in his at- 
tic, that’s what it would look like. How 
could she be sure where to insert that 
cookie? 

Firmly watching Sherry and not 
Mayjune, Boy listened: 

“More tea?” 

“Thank you.” 

“Cookie?” 

“I shouldn't." Pause. “Mayjune?” 

Bes 

"Why?" 

“1 beg your pardon?" 

"You were pretty tough on the phone, 
but now you just want to sit and have girl 
talk. I don't get it.” 

“I didn't want to rush into things. You 
and I never really got to know each oth- 
er, Sherry.” 

“1 always felt you didn't went to know 
people.” 

“I suppose so. Because of my face.” 

An uncomfortable silence; uncomfort- 
able for Boy, anyway. 

“Mayjune? Would you come to the 
point?" 

“1 suppose, really, that Skeeks was all I 
needed, not people at all. I took this pic- 
ture of him at the vet, after they put him 
in the coffin." 

Boy started, and stood up as straight. 
as it was possible for him to stand. 
Mayjune handed а color 8x 10 to Sherry. 

“Oh, look at that. He looks, um, like 
he's asleep, doesn't he?” 

“Dreaming,” Mayjune said with her 
version of a poignant smile. “Chasing 
rabbits.” 

“Chasing Nielsen houscholds, you 
mean.” 

“When I saw he'd been poisoned” 

“What?” 

“Oh, come on, Sherry, you can't hide 
anything from me. Skecks was mur- 


dered, and you did it.” 

“That's—that's ridiculous!" 

“Of course it is. You wouldn't get what 
you wanted, anyway.” 

“What I wanted?” Guardedly: “What 
was that?” 

"For Tommy Little to take Skeeks' 
place. Then Bill would get star billing, 
and he might stop drinking himself to 
death. Of course, it would never work. 
You love Bill too much. You can't see he 
really isn’t up to carrying the show.” 

“This is crazy!” 

“Sherry, I watched you maneuver 
Tommy Little into place, and I knew you 
wanted Skeeks off the program. But I 
never thought you'd resort to murder.” 

“Mayjune, he was an animal! You can't 
say he—besides, why say it was me? I 
mean, if iteven happened.” 

“I didn’t do it, and Bill doesn’t have 
the guts, and who else is there? You did 
it for love, Sherry, I know you did, for 
the love of Bill. But I loved Skeeks, and 
that's why you're going to die now.” 

Jumping to her feet, Sherry cried, 
“What are you talking about? I'm not 
going to die!” 

“We both are, Sherry. Skeeks was the 
only one in my life. You took him away 
from me. I have no reason to live.” 

“Mayjune! For God’s sake, what have 
you done?” 

“The same poison you used,” Mayjune 
said, as calm as voice mail. "It's in the 
cookies, and the tea We both have less 
than half an hour to live.” 

“No!” Sherry turned away, stumbling, 
arms out as though to push open a lot 
of doors. 

But Mayjune said, “I waited, Sherry, 
until it was too late before I told you.” 

“Stomach pumps! Antidotes!” 

“Too late. Too late, Sherry. Sit down, 
dear, be calm. We'll wait together." 

Sherry turned back, to stare with her 
zircon eyes at the placid Mayjune. “You 
did this? You did this for a dog?” 

“My only friend, Sherry.” 

Sherry dropped into her seat, despair 
shriveling her features even more. The 
two women sat gazing at each other. 

Boy looked at his watch. Halfan hour, 
eh? Fine. He tiptoed away, found the 
kitchen and the cold chicken and white 
wine in the refrigerator. Mayjune had 
struck him as being a thrifty little gar- 
goyle. She wouldn't poison everything in 
the house, just the stuff she meant to 
feed Sherry. 

He would phone the police, of course, 
once he had collected the photo and was 
well away from the house, and after he'd 
called in his story to the Galaxy. In the 
meantime, snack on the kitchen table at 
his elbow, women expiring at the other 
end of the house, he pulled out note- 
book and pen and began the lead for this 
week's story: 

“They did it for love.” 


“Hi. Im Melanie, your neighborhood lingerie party consultant . . .” 


167 


Trve refreshment 
doesnt have fo hurt 


CN fore are the Ae at Par 


3 We propose am tapen UNG Ko fond, 
a Fu Ber L == 
P бил ice- Hund, ECE оо, | 


ТСЕНОИЌЕ i4 ice 


> 


Enan де Plank Bond ri Al Aion. othe Miller anio, 
N сы E КЭУ TUS Berge, 1 
ERAS as teg tan te string sangen” | | 


RICHARD ZUI 


El 
Е 
2 
8 
= 
g 
E 


ON-THE 


SCENE 


HEAD GAMES 


ttention joystick joc! You can now enjoy virtual real- 
ity in front of your own PC. Head-mounted displays 
(called HMDs) are hitting home in a variety of futuri 
forms. All feature some type of monitor on the inside of 
the headset as well as stereo earphones and special tracking sen 
sors that change the on-screen perspective as you mov | 


Our model sports a pair of eight-ounce Virtual БО PC-compatible 


lasses with 3-D op! 


No, the video quality isn’t as good as what you get from your PC 
But these devices truly make you feel as though you're a part of a 
game's action. This is called total immersion, the ability to interact 
with characters and objects from all directions in computer gener 
ated worlds. Interestingly, you can even hook up some model 
your TV or VER for private screenings. Imagine Baywatch 


to 
MR. 


s, stereo sound and TV/VCR connections, about $800. 


Surrounding her (clockwise from top right): Virtual-Entertainment Systems’ 28-ounce 7th Sense with a 256-color display and stereo sound, 


$399; Forte's VFX1 3-D Headgear with dual color LCD monitors, b 


microphone for player-to-player communication and stereo head- 


phones, $1000; and Victormaw's 14-ounce Cybermaxx head-mounted display with IBM, Mac, Sega, Nintendo and ЗОО compatibility, $800. 


A Great Bet in Fishnet 


CATHERINE WEBER plays an assassin in Over the 
Edge with Joey Travolta. We hear she's also a sharp- 
shooter, On TV, Catherine has been featured on Bay- 
watch and in the NBC movie Shades of Gray. She hit 
us with her best shot. 


GRAPEVINE 


Can You Separate 

the Men From the Boys? 
BOYZ И MEN have not suffered sophomore slump. They have sold more 
than 6 million copies of IH and are currently touring with Babyface. They 
won a bunch of American Music awards and they kicked ass at the Gram- 
mys. The Boyz have the smoothest harmonies and love songs. Eat your 
heart out, Whitney. 


Looking in 
at Cyn 
CYNDI LAUPER is back 
having fun, his time on 
Twelve Deadly Cyns and 
Then Some. First released 
in Europe, Twelve Deadly 
Супѕ will be accompanied 
by a video that includes 
many of the cuts on the 
disc. Cyn is in, again. 


On the Ball 


Critics have raved about DAVID ВАШ“ send- 
up and celebration of honky-tonk. Fans have 
bought enough copies of Thinkin’ Problem to 
earn him a gold record. Ball is touring with 
Brooks and Dunn. Go and have some fun. 


Uncovering Mother Russia 
Roger Corman’s Bram Stoker’s Burial of the Rats was shot in Moscow and 
cast with Russian actresses. Two of them are NATALYA YUDINA (left), who plays a 
handmaiden to Adrienne Barbeau's Rat Queen, and her sister ELENA (right), who plays a rat 
warrior. Some people take this stuff seriously, and some don't. That's glasnost. 


Blues in 

the Night 

ERIC CLAPTON's From 
the Cradle is the only 
blues album to hit 
number one on the 
charts. Quite a compli- 
ment for a man who 
has been playing the 
blues for more than 30 
years. Look for a sum- 
mer U.S. tour to hear 
Eric wail in person. 


171 


POTPOURRI 


A GOOD EGG 


The Power Egg may look 
as though it had been Jaid 
by an ostrich, but it's actu- 
ally the smallest gym in 
the world. Only six inches 
tall, the plastic egg con- 
tains springs that allow the 
upper and lower portions 
of it to be twisted, 
squeezed, turned and 
pulled, all to promote 
muscle toning and stress 
reduction. Couch potatoes 
and desk jockeys will re- 
spond to the Power 
Egg, as its compact size 
encourages such sit- 
down exercises as 
over-the-head chest, bi- 
cep and shoulder flexing 
and leg-muscle squeezing. 
Some exercises, such as 
the “push-action,” which 
strengthens the pectoral 
muscles, are even more 
fun when performed with 
a partner. The price: 
$39.95. Call IC&C in Fort 
Lauderdale at 305-565- 
3556 to order. The Power 
Egg also makes an inter- 
esting pencil holder. 


| 
| 


| 
| 
| 


SNAKES ALIVE—IT'S THE VIPER! 


Six Flags Great America’s newest roller coaster, the Viper, has opened 
at the Gurnee, Illinois amusement park. If falling ten stories at a 53-de- 
gree angle and surviving 11 untamed drops at 50 mph is your idea of 
fun, then get ready for the longest minute and 45 seconds of your life. 
Like the Cyclone, the famous Coney Island ride, the Viper is a single- 
track wooden roller coaster. No, you don't go upside down or drop into 
darkness while aboard. The terror is in the blinding speed and unex- 


172 pected switchbacks. Enter at your own risk. 


GIVING GOLF A FLING 


With about 450 nine- and 18-hole cours- 
es operating nationwide, Disc Golf is sail- 
ing high as the newest summertime 
recreation. (Players count how many 
throws it takes to get from the tee го a 
cagelike target that catches the disc.) For 
practicing your game, Innova Champion 
Disc, Inc., sells a 58”-tall Discatcher and 
two discs for $95, Additional discs are 
$8.50 each. Call 800-321-8833 to order. 


THE GENIAL JEEP 


This summer is the 50th anniversary of 
the end of World War Two. To commem- 
orate the event, Showroom Collectables 
has signed an agreement with Chrysler to 
create a 1:18 scale die-cast reproduction 
of that rough-riding symbol of World 
War Two, the Willy's Jeep. (The name is 
believed to be derived from the military 
designation GP, which stands for general 
purpose.) Price: $44.50. To order, call 
800-781-3999 and ask for item 1945. 


MAKE MINE 
A MARTINI 


According to Barnaby Con- 
rad III, “a great martini 
should be like skinny-dipping 
in a Nordic lake with Greta 
Garbo: teeth-chatteringly 
cold.” We'll drink to that—as 
did Franklin D. Roosevelt 
and other celebrity sippers. 
"They're all in Conrad's The 
Martini, “an illustrated histo- 
ry of an American classic,” 
from Chronicle Books. There 
are also martini-inspired art 
and film stills as well as lore 
and recipes. Price: $24.95. 
Call 800-722-6657. 


ROLLING WITH THE GRATEFUL DEAD 


Deadheads have a new way to get to concerts. Gary Fisher Bicycle 
Corp. in Waterloo, Wisconsin has introduced a limited-edition 
Grateful Dead bike decorated with artwork by Prairie Prince, an 
illustrator for the Dead. (The top tube of the bike features a 
spinal column; a femur goes the length of the down tube.) The 
bike's drivetrain, brakes and hub set are by Shimano. Са! 414- 
478-2191 for the nearest Fisher dealer. Price: $999. 


SALON FOR STOGIES 


In Beverly Hills, the hottest 
status symbol isn't a Cuban 
stogie; it's membership in 
Havana, a private cigar salon 
at 301 North Canon Drive, 
just above the restaurant 
named On Canon. You can 
wine and dine there in addi- 
tion to firing up smokes from 
your personal humidor. And 
there are big-screen TVs and 
plenty of high-backed arm- 
chairs. All this exclusivity, of 
course, doesn't come cheap. 
‘The one-time membership 
fee is $2000, and monthly 
dues are $150. Call 310-446- 
4925 for more information. 


SKINNY TRIP 


Want to get in shape for the beach fast? Check 
out the Six Day Biodiet, a juice-instead-of food 
approach to eliminating pounds that was devel- 
oped in Switzerland. For about $80 you get six 
bottles of special potions made from organically 
grown vegetables and fruits, Detox tea and a 
package of yeast and herb tablets. Just add 
willpower, and drink. To order, call Biolife of 
Aspen at 800-»10-DIEr, extension 111. 


BRASS ACT 


Eleganté Brass Beds in Brooklyn has created 
the Ultimate Fantasy Bed, and if you have 
$19,000 burning a hole in your pajamas pock- 
et, this king-size love nest with a mirrored 
canopy can be yours. Each piece of the bed is 
treated with a hydropoly lacquer so the brass 
never ages. Eleganté also offers a queen-size 
model for only $15,000. Call 718-256-8988 to 
place an order. Operators are standing by. 


NEXT MONTH 


POSTMODERN COMICS 


TAYLORMADE ROAD TEST 


SANDRA TAYLOR—YOU SAW HER IN EXIT TO EDEN AND 
YOU'LL SEE HER IN UNDER SIEGE И. NOW SHE MAKES HER 
AMAZING DEBUT IN PLAYBOY—A PICTORIAL TO FIGHT OVER 


ROAD TEST—|T TOOK YEARS BEFORE PRATT FOUND THE 
PERFECT TRAVELING COMPANION. TOO BAD SHE HAD 
HER OWN IDEAS ON WHAT TO DO EN ROUTE—FICTION BY 


LENNY KLEINFELD 


VOLLEYBALL GODDESSES—POUNDING THE HOT SAND 
IN KILLER BIKINIS, THESE BEACH BABES CAN DO SOME- 
THING YOU CAN'T: PLAY MAXIMUM VOLLEYBALL. A SURF- 
SIDE REPORT BY CRAIG VETTER 


MENENDEZ CONFIDENTIAL—JUST IN TIME FOR THE RE- 
TRIAL, WE GO BEHIND THE SCENES FOR NEW INFORMA- 
TION ABOUT JURY SHENANIGANS, ERIC'S CHAT WITH FEL- 
LOW INMATE O.J. AND SOME SKELETONS IN THE FAMILY 


CLOSET—ARTICLE BY ROBERT RAND 


DENNIS FRANZ’ PORTRAYAL OF DETECTIVE ANDY SIPO- 
WICZ ON NYPD BLUE HAS TURNED THE ACTOR INTO AN 
UNLIKELY STAR. MEET THE MAN WHO BARED HIS ALL 
FOR PRIME TIME IN A CHEEKY PLAYBOY PROFILE BY 


STEVE ONEY 


SHORT AND SWEET 


KURT LODER—MTV'S ANSWER TO DAN RATHER ON WHAT 
PASSES FOR NEWS IN THE AGE OF ROCK AND SOME IN- 
TERESTING SECRETS ABOUT TABITHA SOREN—20 QUES- 
TIONS BY WARREN KALBACKER 


POSTMODERN COMICS—THE LATEST IN UNDER- 
GROUND HUMOR: ARE THEY FUNNY OR TRULY TWISTED? 
A PRIMER ON THE REQUIRED READING FOR THE POST- 
LITERATE GENERATION EY JOHN TOMKIW 


SHORT AND SWEET: JULY'S LITTLE WOMEN PICTORIAL IS 
PROOF THAT GOOD THINGS REALLY DO COME IN SMALL 
PACKAGES 


MEL GIBSON HAS PLAYED IT ALL, FROM MAD MAX TO DIS- 
FIGURED TEACHER TO SCOTTISH WARRIOR. THE HUNKY 
AUSSIE ATTACKS PC, CHAMPIONS FAMILY VALUES AND 
REVEALS HOW HE GROSSES OUT HIS CO-STARS IN THIS 
MONTH'S INTERVIEW BY LAWRENCE GROBEL 


PLUS: HAWAIIAN SHIRTS, LINEN TO LIVE IN, TOTALLY TER- 
RIFIC WATER TOYS, SNEAK PEEKS AT CARMEN MIRANDA 
AND SHARON STONE, FIRST-CLASS CARRY-ON LUGGAGE. 
DIGITAL CAMERAS AND WHO'S TALKING DIRTY ON SEX- 
TALK RADIO 


SURGEON GENERAL'S WARNING: Smoking 
By Pregnant Women May Result in Fetal 
Injury, Premature Birth, And Low Birth Weight. 


WA 


# call 1-800-787-7945, ext.