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APRIL 1997 • $4.95 


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PLAYBILL 


JAMES BOND can't be stopped, and neither can the resurgence 
of intere: the most famous secret agent. This month, we of- 
fer a sneak peek at the newest Bond novel, by Raymond Benson. 
In the first of two installments from Zero Minus Ten (Putnam), 
007 confronts a deadly Hong Kong triad and is given an or- 
der he can't rcfusc. To celebrate the tradition of pairing Bond 
with a beautiful woman, we put a stunner, Joey Heatherton, on 
our cover. For years she’s been famous for being fabulous. 
This month, the saucy stage performer bares all in a grand 
pictorial. Guess all we had to do was ask. 

Vincent Bugliosi is a franchise player. At various times, we 
have recruited the former Los Angeles prosecutor to write 
about the LAPD, O.J. Simpson and Faye Resnick. Now he's 
the subject of a forceful Playboy Interview by Lewrence Grobel. 
Bugliosi talks about Charles Manson and being a defense at- 
torney—and how he turned his experiences into best-sellers 
Nothing gets him more outraged than the subject of Simpson. 
It’s a Q. and A. you won't find anywhere else. With the 
botched Atlanta bombing case and the mystery of TWA flight 
800, the vaunted FBI crime lab has taken some hits. So why 
was one of its best bomb experts demoted to analyzing paint 
chips? In Bad Blood al the FBI, Jeff Stein reveals that Frederic 
Whitehurst, who was praised for his work on the World Trade 
Genter bombing case, blew the whistle on sloppy procedures 
and jeopardized his career in the process. 

Howard Stern may be called the king of all media, but he 
has yet to make it in the movies. We sent Jamie Malanowski to 
\d-the-scenes look at Stern's 
first flick. Brace Yourself for Howiewood, illustrated by Charles 
Burns, is an unexpectedly considered take on his life by the for- 
mer Fartman. Vanessa Williams is our kind of gun-toting, cigar- 
smoking, doppelganging gal. From her brief reign as Miss 
America to her intamous nude pictures to her recording ca- 
reer, she has held our libido in sway. Richard Lalich sat with the 
star of the film Soul Food for 20 Questions about such things as 
Lava lamps and her big first night with Arnold. 

Speaking of previews, consider this issue your operating 
manual for the near future. The Spring and Summer Fashion 
Forecast by Fashion Editor Hollis Wayne will help you weather 
the mercurial shifis of designers. To keep up appearances 
above the neckline, Donald Charles Richardson explains in Power 
Grooming why this year's aloe vera—centella asiatica—works. 
His review of gels and lotions will keep you from being a goo- 
goo doll. (The slick artwork is by Jasen Schneider.) For home- 
bodies, the word is convergence. TVs, computers and com- 
munication devices link up for a mother-ship connection. 
Gadgeteer Jonathan Takiff guides us through the power grid 
and test-drivesa monster 40-foot projection television. And as 
premillennium tension builds for the ultimate party, drinking 
is back. So are swanky nightclubs and lounges. In A Toast to 
Tasle, Gary Regan and Mardee Haidin Regan uncork the latest, in- 
cluding hard cider, the new gentleman's C on campus. 

Hooch. Copacetic. Making whoopee. Not only did the Jazz 
Age leave its mark on the language, it also set the tone for the 
rest of the century. In the third installment of Playboy's History 
of the Sexual Revolution (the opening illustration is by Steve 
Boswick), James R. Petersen explores the impact of talkies, the 
Scopes trial, cars and the rubber diaphragm. To follow the 
evolutionary curve to a modern incarnation, turn to Playmate 
Kelly Monaco. For sweets that won't cause cavities, try our inci- 
sive pictorial of dental dames by Contributing Photographer 
Ату Freytag. Two out of three dentists recommend it—and the 
rest are too blown away to say anything but “Ahh.” 


BENSON 


LALICH 


КЫ! 


RICHARDSON TAKIFF SCHNEIDER 


PETERSEN BOSWICK 


Playboy (ISSN 0032-1478), April 1997, volume 44, number 4. Published monthly by Playboy in national and regional editioi 
680 North Lake Shore Drive, Chicago, Illinois 60611. Periodicals postage paid at Chicago, Illinois and at additional mai 
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ter: Send address change to Playboy, PO. Box 2007, Harlan, Iowa 51537-4007. E-mail: edit? playboy.com. 


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PLAYBOY 


vol. 44, no. 4—april 1997 CONTENTS FOR THE MEN'S ENTERTAINMENT MAGAZINE 
PLAY BIL E СҮ ООС MC o 9 
DEAR PLAYBOY 1 
PLAYBOY AFTER HOURS. 15 
MUSIC . 17 
WIRED ...... 20 
MOVIES .. 2 BRUCE WILLIAMSON 22 
МЕС... scs y С deepest PNEU es Ал 26 
BOOKS коса p c T 0128030 
HEALTH & FITNESS .... 3 а € 
MEN " ASABABER 34 
THE PLAYBOY ADVISOR UA ERE DA NAE RA con fa) EST, 
THE PLAYBOY FORUM 41 
PLAYBOY INTERVIEW: VINCENT BUGLIOSI—condid conversction. 51 
ZERO MINUS TEN, PART I—fiction ..... ....RAYMOND BENSON 64 
TALK ABOUT TOOTHSOME!—pictoriol ze Я 68 


BRACE YOURSELF FOR HOWIEWOOD—playboy profile. .. .. JAMIE MALANOWSKI 76 


PLAYBOY’S HISTORY OF THE SEXUAL REVOLUTION 


Howard in Hollywood 


PART Ш: THE JAZZ АСЕ (1920-1929)—article JAMES R. PETERSEN 80 
ELECTRONICS FIX '97—spring preview... ss JONAIHAN IAKIFE — 88 
KELLY GIRL—ployboy's playmate of the month 94 
PARTY JOKES—humor Ete IEEE ЛОВ 
A TOAST TO TASTE—spring preview __ GARY REGAN & MARDEE HAIDIN REGAN 108 
PLAYMATE REVISITED: DOLLY READ |... sse aaa 115 
POWER GROOMING—spring preview. ....... DONALD CHARLES RICHARDSON 118 AEH 
PLAYBOY GALLERY: MARIEL HEMINGWAY ИА тт 
FASHION FORECAST spring preview. А HOLLIS WAYNE 122 
BAD BLOOD AT THE FBl—oriicle су) ia 3 йоу E JEFF STEIN 129 
PAL JOEY—pictorial........ er TORTIE eee HOE ENEA 30 
20 QUESTIONS: VANESSA WILLIAMS ...................... à 140 
WHERE & HOW TO BUY . 160 
PLAYMATE NEWS оз Less AT 5 5 л . 179 
PLAYBOY ONTHESCENE.......... ES) FE Зое " S 183 Bottoms Up. 


COVER STORY 

Leggy Joey Heatherton hos been a sex symbol for decades. Her sizzling pictorial 
makes time (and our hearts) stand still. Our cover wos produced by West Coast 
Photo Editor Marilyn Grabowski and shot by Contributing Photographer Stephen 
Woydo. Jennifer Tutor was the stylist and Joey's hair and makeup were done by 
Alexis Vogel. In the midst of the chiffon, our trusty Rabbit shows he's handy with tulle. 


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PLAYBOY 


HUGH M. HEFNER 
editor-in-chief 


ARTHUR KRETCHMER editorial director 
JONATHAN BLACK managing editor 
TOM STAEBLER art director 
GARY COLE photography director 
KEVIN BUCKLEY executive editor 


JOHN REZEK assistant managing editor 


EDITORIAL 

ARTICLES: STEPHEN RANDALL editor; FICTION: 
ALICE к. TURNER editor; FORUM: JAMES В PE 
TERSEN senior staff writer; CHIP ROWE assistant 
editor; MODERN LIVING: DAVID stevens edi- 
tor; BETH TOMKIW associate editor; STAFF: BRUCE 
KLUGER senior editor; CHRISTOPHER NAPOLITANO. 
BARBARA NELLIS associate editors; FASHION: 
HOLLIS WAYNE director; JENNIFER RYAN JONES 
assistant editor; CARTOONS: MICHELLE URRY 
editor; COPY: LEOPOLD FROEHLICH editor; ARLAN 
BUSHMAN 

REMA SMITH Senior researcher; LEE BRAUER, 
GEORGE HODAK, SARALYN WILSON researchers; 
MARK DURAN research librarian; CONTRIBUT- 
ING EDITORS: asa RARER. KEVIN COOK, 
GRETCHEN EDGREN, LAWRENCE GROREL. REN GROSS. 
(automotive). CYNTHIA HEIMEL 
BACKER. D. KEITH MANO, JOE MORGENSTERN, REG 
POTTERTON, DAVID RENSIN. DAVID SHEFF. DAVID 
STANDISH, BRUCE WILLIAMSON (movies) 


ANNE SHERMAN assistant editors; 


WARREN KAL- 


ART 
KERIG POPE managing director; BRUCE HANSEN, 
CHET SUSKI, LEN WILLIS senior directors; KRISTIN 
KORJENEK associate director; ANN SEIDL supervi- 
sor, keyline/pasteup, PAUL CHAN senior art assis- 
lant; JASON SINONS art assistant 


PHOTOGRAPHY 

MARILYN GRAHOWSKI west coast editor; им LAR 
SON, MICHAEL ANN SULLIVAN senior editors; PATTY 
BEAUDET associate editor; STEPHANIE BARNETT. 
BETH MULLINS assistant editors; DAVID CHAN. 
RICHARD FEGLEY, ARNY FREYTAG, RICHARD 1201 
DAVID MECEY, BYRON NEWMAN. POMPEO POSAR, 
STEPHEN WAYDA contributing photographers; 
SHELLEE WELLS stylist; TIM HAWKINS manager, 
photo Services; ELIZABETH GEORGIOU photo ar- 
chivist; GERALD SENN correspondent— paris 


RICHARD KINSLER publisher 


PRODUCTION 
MARIA manpis director; RITA JOHNSON manager; 
KATHERINE CAMPION. JODY JURGETO. RICHARD 
QUARTAROLI, TOM SIMONEK associate managers 


CIRCULATION 
LARRY A. DJERF newsstand sales director; PHYLLIS 
ROTUNNO subscription circulation director; CINDY 
RAKOWITZ Communications director 


ADVERTISING 
ERNIE RENZULLI advertising director; JAMES pi 
MONEKAS, new york manager; JEFF KIMMEL, sales 
development manager; JOE norrer midwest ad 
sales manager; IRV KORNBLAU marketing director; 
LISA NATALE research director 


READER SERVICI 
LINDA STROM, MIKE OSTROWSKI correspondents 


DMINISTRATIVE 
EILEEN KENT new media director; MARCIA TER 
rones rights € permissions manager 


PLAYBOY ENTERPRISES, INC. 
CHRISTIE HEFNER chairman, chief executive officer 


Mother Gert Boyle - Chairman - Columbia Sportswear 


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EN 
DEAR PLAYBOY = 


680 NORTH LAKE SHORE DRIVE 
CHICAGO, ILLINOIS 60611 
FAX 312-649-9534 
E-MAIL DEARPB@PLAYBOYCON 
PLEASE INCLUDE YOUR DAYTIME PHONE NUMBER 


DRUGS 
It's tragic that the enlightened truth 
about drugs so eloquently stated by your 
panel (Save Money, Cut Crime, Get Real, 
January) cannot be recognized by our 
government. 
Vaughn Fuller 
Dover-Foxcroft, Maine 


Another cost of the drug war, not 
mentioned in your symposium, is the ap- 
propriation of U.S. military funds to for- 
eign governments. Amnesty Interna- 
tional USA has demonstrated that in 
Colombia, the drug war puts the U.S. 
government in league with the bad guys. 
Amnesty International does not take a 
position on legalization or counterdrug 
operations, but it is calling for a com- 
plete cutoff of U.S. milita y assistance to 
Colombia. Fighting drugs in this way 
contributes to human rights violations. 

Paul Paz y Mino 
Amnesty International USA 
Arlington, Virginia 


"Thank you for writing about some- 
thing that's tearing apart the fabric of 
our country—the war on drugs. It’s 
been estimated that up to 60 percent of 
the more than 1 million people incarcer- 
ated in the U.S. are in prison for drugs. 
When are we going to say cnough is 
enough? 

Mark Walker 

Burlington, Kentucky 


I've always considered William F. 
Buckley Jr. a sane, rational conservative 
voice in the drug debate—until now. It's 
beyond me how he could tout Nicholas 
von Hoffman's scheme as “relief for the 
innocent.” Denying all tax-based bene- 
fits and governmental licenses to drug 
users will certainly not provide relief for 
those “cloistered in the big cities” who 
have been “stolen from and terrorized.” 
We can't hope to reduce crime by deny- 
ing jobs, entitlements, insurance and 
driver's licenses to such a sector of the 


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population. Who are the “innocent” 
here, anyway? It's a damn shame to see 
Buckley siding with the yahoos. 
Paul Farr 
pefarr@parallel.park.uga.edu 
Athens, Georgia 


HIS NAME IS BOND, JAMES BOND 
Raymond Benson's Blast From the Past 

(January) continucs the 007 tradition. 
One can only imagine Ian Fleming’s re- 
асйоп to an American author writing the 
further adventures of his creation. 

Gary Petzel 

Grand Rapids, Michigan 


I'm a longtime Bond aficionado who i 
thrilled to have 007 back in rLaveows 
pages. Kudos to artist Gregory Manchess 
for his spectacular illustrations. 

Paul Baack 
Hoffman Estates, Illinois 


“There's hope for the free world. Blast 
From the Past is a welcome throwback, 
and I'm happy to say that the future of 
the literary James Bond is in good hands 
with Raymond Benson as he takes over 
the mantle from John Gardner. His out- 
standing knowledge of the Fleming 
oeuvre has stood him in good stead in 
this warm-up to Zero Minus Ten. 

Mike Vincitore 
Woodbridge, New Jersey 


"The return of James Bond is the final 
ingredient in an outstanding January is- 
sue. Don't make us wait too long for a 
pictorial of new Bond women. 

Charles Roach 
Dayton, Ohio 


MAKING WHOOPI 
I'm impressed that Whoopi Goldberg. 
(Playboy Interview, January) is an Ameri- 
can who doesn't want to be stereotyped 
by racc. This is what being an American 
is all about. 
Edward Gomez 
Phoenix, Arizona 


‘Omen, Sm von BOULEVARDS ЭШҮЕ A BANTA MONICA, CA B0403 


Y PLAYBOY 
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While in Africa recently, I heard many 
black Africans express resentment to- 
ward black Americans. Africans have 
trouble understanding why black Amer- 
icans who have not traveled to Africa 
and wouldn't trade their lives in America 
for ten minutes in an African village 
want to embrace African nationality. 
"Thank you. Whoopi, for owning up to 
being an American woman who happens 
to be black-skinned. 

‘Tony Leisner 
Тагроп Springs, Florida 


PEAY BOY 


Predictably, Goldberg spouts all the 
leftist clichés and platitudes that most 
showbiz people have used for decades. 
I'm a conservative African American 
woman who would like to see PLAYBOY in- 
terview a prominent black conserva- 
tive—such as Thomas Sowell—to show 
readers that not all blacks are lame- 
brained liberal kooks incapable of think- 
ing for themselves. 

Vernetta Wilkerson 
San Francisco, California 


Whoopi is a fearless and enlightened 
woman who isn’t trapped by her color. 
Chris White 
Sandpoint, Idaho 


I'm a successful black businessman 
who rose from poverty without the help 
of government entitlements. Goldberg 
says we need more of the same old pro- 
grams that have been costly failures for 
more than 30 years. I say bullshit. People 
should get off their lazy asses and take 
command of their own lives. 

Orville Shumpsters 
Elmira, New York 


Goldberg claims Hollywood is not 
racist. If she’s right, then, as the song 
goes, “Grits ain't groceries, eggs ain't 
poultry and Mona Lisa was a man.” 
Whoopi, snap out of it. 

D. Kinan 
Boston, Massachusetts 


Whoopi isn't just a sister act, she's a 


class act. 

Stephen Miles 

Fayetteville, North Carolina 
GOING МЕТИС 


Way to go, рглүвоү. Thanks for print- 
ing Playmate measurements in centime- 
ters (Victor Victoria, December). If this 
isn't a great incentive to get people to do 
the conversions, I don’t know what is. 

Ethan Larson 
ewl@astro.physics.uiowa.edu 
Iowa City, Iowa 


SELLING SEX 
Deepak Chopra should be ashamed of 
himself for using religious historical doc- 
uments to make his points about sex 
(Does God Have Orgasms?, January). Why 

12 would a well-respected, world-renowned 


doctor stoop to this level to promote 
himself? 
Timak Hollings 
bogie@pop.ioce.com 
Little Rock, Arkansas 


Chopra's assertions that sex is spiritu- 
al. that God is in every orgasm and that. 
the creative energy of the universe is sex- 
ual are aspects of an ancient view that. 
has been abandoned by most of the 
Western world. Sex for the sake of sex 
has for too long been demonized. I'm 
glad to see it’s making a comeback in the 
popular consciousness. 


Karen Oliver 
Boise, Idaho 


CELEBRATING MARILYN 
The word timeless comes to mind 
when describing Marilyn Monroe (The 
Nude Marilyn, January). She was the sex- 
¡est woman to walk the carth. Thanks. 
Brian Johnson 
Jacksonville, Florida 


I'm a 23-year-old man who admires 
women such as Jenny McCarthy and 
Pamela Anderson. I never understood 
the hype over Marilyn Monroe until I 
saw the January issue. 1 understand it 
completely now. 

Brent-David Bly 
speedball@ix.netcom.com 
Toledo, Ohio 


MOB MOLE 

In 1977 I wrote a book, Brick Agent, 
with Tony Villano. I think Bob Drury 
has some of his facts wrong (Mafia Mole, 
January). It isn't possible that Villano 
turned in Scarpa in the carly Sixties and 
then recruited him to play the role de- 
scribed in the murders of the Mi: pi 
civil rights workers. In those years, Vil- 
lano was chasing down draft evaders in 
New York and by 1964 was an agent in 
upstate New York, chasing the Mafia. In 
fact, Villano told me that he thought oth- 


er agents had recruited Scarpa for the 
Medgar Evers case. Scarpa may have 
been involved in the Mississippi mur- 
ders, but Villano was not. 
Gerald Astor 
Scarsdale, New York 


PLAYMATE REVISITED 
1 was so pleased to see Lisa Winters 
featured in January (especially since you 
used my photos). She was probably the 
most beautiful girl I ever photographed. 
Bunny Yeager 

Miami, Florida 


HISTORY OF SEX 
What a treat the first installment of 
Playboy's History of the Sexual Revolution 
(December) is to see. The old photos and 
illustrations are wonderful. The contem- 
porary illustrations, especially Kinuko V. 
Craft's, fit right in. 
David Johnson 
Washington, D.C. 


I'm thinking of collecting the whole 
Sexual. Revolution series and sending 
copies to all the right-of-center legisla- 
tors in my state who think the world 
went to hell only after the Sixties. 

Ellen Green 
Indianapolis, Indiana 


What did I learn from the first install- 
ment of the Sexual Revolution series? 
That since the dawn of the century, men 
have been telling women what to do with 
their bodies. Enough, already. 

Mary Moore 
Chicago, Illinois 


Sexual Revolution isn't the first time 
PLAYBOY has shined as a historian. You 
did it with the History of Organized Crime. 

John Small 
Los Angeles, California 


AFTER HOURS 
I just read your “Hogging the Net” 

item (January). rravBoy owes Harley- 
Davidson an apology for not printing 
the complete Web-site greeting. HD's 
pitch invites riders to “go away to the na- 
tional parks and to the scenic roadway. 
Get off the information highway and get 
on the real one. where the world is made 
of rivers and redwoods, not bits and 
bytes. Go away on a Harley-Davidson.” 
Don't make Harley's rep worse. 

Michael Francis 

mif318@linknet.net 

Shrevepert, Louisiana 


HOOSIER GAL 
January Playmate Jami Ferrell (Tuck 
Us In) is the best thing to come out of 
Muncie, Indiana since David Letterman 
graduated from Ball State 27 years ago. 
David Hanson 
Roanoke, Virginia 


A few insights into the dreams of men. 


Yes, The average male Every man 


ts 
men dream only remembers 62% i aroused at Bast 
in color. of his dreams. і à once per night. 


CAMEL LIGHTS 


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© 1997 R.J. REYNOLDS TOBACCO CO. 


PLAYBOY AFTER 


HAM ON THE RANGE 


What are we to make of Jack Palauce's 
first published work, a book of poems ti- 
tled The Forest of Love (Summerhouse)? 
In it, he describes various love affairs 
and his touching relationship with a 
bunch of trees. There's no doubt Palance 
is a passionate man—how else could he 
summon the emotion he so generously 
expresses in his films? But consider this 
passage: “Almost every moment of my 
waking day/is filled with thoughts of 
you/I don't know where this path is 
leading me/but you're there, you're 
there and everywhere/ Madness, maybe, 
for me at least/Sinking helplessly into 
the vortex of an awesome volcano/I 
found myself erupted onto Elysian fields 
that do not exist/in search of someone in 
whom I do not believe." What the hell 
is this all about? Beats us. But it goes 
to show it takes a tough man to write a 
silly poem 


HOG FEMINISM 


Run by two up-and-coming women, 
Amazon Advertising of San Francisco is 
tying to build a female market for 
Harley-Davidson motorcycles. The com- 
pany's pitch: “It vibrates.” 


MOUSE CALLS 


Computers can't make people smarter, 
as we learned from a recent e-mail com- 
muniqué detailing goofy real-life service 
questions. Among the problems fielded 
by technical support people was that ofa 
customer who called the hotline to won- 
der why, after she had unpacked and set 
up her computer, it didn’t work. The 
techie asked if she had checked the pow- 
er switch, to which the woman replied, 
“What power switch?” For similar rea- 
sons, Compaq is considering changing 
the command “Press any key” to “Press 
the RETURN key.” Apparently, ће compa- 
ny was flooded with queries as to where 
the any key was. Our favorite is from 
Novell Netwire. A customer called to 
complain that the cup holder on his PC 
had broken and stated that the machine 
was still under warranty. When the 
techie asked if the cup holder was some 


sort of promotional item, the customer 
replied no, it had come with the comput- 
er and had a 4X on it. Apparently, the 
customer had been using the load draw- 
er of his CD-ROM drive as a tray for his 
coffee, and it had snapped off. 


HURLING INSULTS 


Taking a stand against paintings that 
he considers “stale, obedient, lifeless 
crusts,” a Canadian art student has em- 
barked on a crusade to vomit publicly on 
selected works of art. Each spew has a 
different hue. For example, he blew blue 
on Mondriar's Composition in White, Black 
and Red at New York's MOMA, retched 
red on Dufy’s Harbor at Le Havre at the 
Art Gallery of Outario aud plans to yawn 
yellow next. Our favorite type of art is 
coincidental—such as the resonance of 
the art student's name: Brown. 


THE WOLF'S LURE 


It turns out the Third Reich's highly 
evolved record-keeping even included 
love letters written to Adolf Hitler by or- 
dinary German women. The letters were 
among the thousands of documents— 


ILLUSTRATION BY GARY KELLEY 


many of them pleas for help, or advice 
on the conduct of the war—found in the 
bombed Reich Chancellery at the end 
of the war. They were discovered by 
William Emker, an OSS officer, and were 
published in 1994 in Germany by Vas 
Verlag. Apparently, detailed files were 
kept about the women who wrote the 
mash notes, and some of the writers 
were arrested and even institutionalized. 
A shining example of these letters comes 
from Eva K., 1940: “Beloved, Hotly De- 
sired Man, Best of my Heart! Wolfy! 
Beloved, may I come to you soon? Or do 
you doubt my love for you? Sleep calmly, 
my love is true. Today 1 had strong long- 
ing for you. Having these constant de- 
sires and still not being able to fulfill 
them is not an easy thing to live with. 
Adolfi, you will fetch me to you soon, will 
you not? . . . I will kiss you on your three 
letters, your ass, and I will bare my 
breast for you, all of it, free, so that you 
could feel how much I love you. More 
patriotism than that you cannot demand 
[oom 


THE GLASS HALF EMPTY 


Sometimes the voice of the people 
sounds like Butt-head's. In a recent elec- 
tion, no one qualified to be listed for a 
certain elective position in Volusia Coun- 
ty, Florida. Instead, the ballot simply 
read, “Soil & Water Conservation Dis- 
trict (vote for one).” The people did and 
the overwhelming winner was: water. 


DUFFIN” AND BLUFFIN’ 


When President Clinton visited Aus- 
tralia on his postelection vacation, he 
made time to play a round of golf with 
Greg Norman. At the sixth hole, Nor- 
man was asked by reporters who was 
winning. He replied, “He [Clinton] is 
beating me.” Ло which Clinton replied, 
“If you believe that, I've got some land I 
want to sell you.” Yes, we believe it's 
called Whitewater, Mr. President. 


BUSINESS TRIP-UPS 


Corporate travel departments often 
see strange reimbursement requests. 
Runzheimer International, a corporate 


16 


RAW DATA 


SIGNIFICA, INSIGNIFICA, STATS AND FACTS | 


QUOTE 

“Keep your head 
up. Everything in 
the world with its 
head down gets eat- 
en. Chickens, hogs, 
cows, Every time you 
see a leopard, its 
head is up, isn't it? 
You don’t see any 
leopards getting eat- 
en, do you?”—coLF 
GREAT JACKIE BURKE IR. 


WHAT A CARD 

Price paid for a 
postcard sent by 
President Clinton to 
his grandmother 
when he was a 
Georgetown fresh- 
man 30 years ago, 
showing a black boy 
posing with a water- 
melon but contain- 
ing no racist com- 
ments in the message: $4125. 


G.I. JANE 
Percentage of female soldiers in the 
U.S. Army who have become preg- 
nant in the Nineties (whether serving. 
in the Gulf war or Bosnia, or peaceful 
tours of duty): 5. 


MONEY BELTWAY 
According to Edward Roeder, edi- 
tor of a campaign-finance news ser- 
vice, percentage of the 3480 election 
contests for the House of Representa- 
tives since 1980 won by the candidate 
who raised the most money: 91. 


FLY GIRLS. 

According to a recent poll of busi- 
ness travelers, percentage of men 
who said they would take their spouse 
with them when flying on a business 
trip: 27. Percentage of men who said 
they would take their computer: 5. 
Percentage of women who said they 
would take their husband on a busi- 
ness trip: 5. Percentage of women 
who would take their computer: 11. 


WEIGHTY NUMBERS 
From 1987 to 1995, percentage in- 
crease in the number of men who 


FACT OF THE MONTH 
The IRS consumes 293,000 
trees to send out 8 billion 
pages of forms each year. (It 
has 480 types of tax forms and 
an additional 280 forms ex- uol. 


plaining the first 480.) 


were exercising with 
free weights: 50. Per- 
centage increase in 
number of women 
working out with 
free weights: 227. 


А MERE 100 
Number of cente- 
narians in the U.S. in 
1960: 3000. Number 
in 1996: 54,000. 


TUBE TOPS 

According to a 
1996 study of cou- 
ples conducted by 
Dr. Alexis Walker of 
Oregon State Uni- 
versity, the percent- 
age of men who 
monopolize the tele- 
vision remotc con- 
60. The per- 
centage of women 
who take charge: 15. 
The percentage who share or don't 
use a remote control much: 19. 


FATHERS’ WRONGS 
Year that Mother's Day was first cel- 
ebrated in the U.S.: 1908. Inaugural 
year for Father's Day: 1910. Year that 
Congress declared Mother's Day 
a national holiday: 1914; Father's 
Day: 1972. 


GROWTH CHARTS 

Height of tallest players in the first 
season of the NBA: 7'1” (Ralph Sic- 
wert and Elmo Morgenthaler). Cur- 
rently: 777” (Gheorghe Muresan). 
Shortest player 50 years ago: 56” 
(Mel Hirsch). Currently: 5'3” (Muggsy 
Bogues). 


go water department who are delin- 
quent in paying their water bills: 102. 
Amount they owe: $48,280. 


WIN SOME, LOSE SOME 
Percentage of waitstaff jobs in 1985. 
that were held by men: 16. In 1995: 
22. Percentage of bartenders in the 
USS. in 1985 who were men: 52. In 
1995: 30. —BETTY SCHAAL 


travel consultant, has compiled a list of 
the most bizarre; One employee trav- 
eling on business wanted his company 
to pay for a cow he killed with his car, 
Another employee who had attended 
a company outing wanted to be reim- 
bursed for a ski outfit. He argued that he 
didn’t know the site of the outing would 
be so cold. Our favorite accidental tour- 
ist is a guy who asked for a bus ticket to 
Hawaii—he was afraid to fly. 


BANANA'S REPUBLIC 


Ecuadoran president Abdala Bucaram 
is letting power go to his headphones. 
While the country is saddled with an 
economic malaise rivaling that of sub-Sa- 
haran Africa, the president has released 
his own rock CD, as well as a video com- 
plete with babes and smoke effects. He 
also hosted an elaborate lunch for fellow 
Ecuadoran Lorena Gallo, better known 
by her married name, Lorena Bobbitt. 
We guess he admired her ability to cut to 
the root of problems. 


BARDOT'S A BUST 


The French have always had a use for 
Brigitte Bardot’s bust—until recently. 
Several busts modeled after the famous 
actress and symbolizing the French Re- 
public have been removed from their 
places of honor in a French city hall. 
Jean-Jacques Urvoas, director of the 
mayor's office in Quimper, a socialist 
stronghold in Brittany, says, “Bri; 
Bardot once incarnated the liberated 
woman—carefree, young and beautiful. 
"Today she has come to symbolize rejec- 
tion, exclusion.” Bardot, it sccms, has 
lost considerable favor with some of her 
countrymen by expressing support for 
the far-right National Front Party. The 
Bardot busts have been replaced by a se- 
ries modeled on Catherine Deneuve. 


LONDON FOG 


It's a rather odd marketing ploy, but 
then, it's a rather odd product. A com- 
pany called Ultratech is promoting its 
Flatulence Filter Seat Cushion with the 
pitch that “British university research 
shows an increase in cancer from breath- 
ing secondhand flatulence gas.” Actual- 
ly, we're not surprised at the findings. 
We've eaten the food in England. 


UNWASHED BODY POLITIC 


The city council in Independence, 
Missouri, perhaps after a meal of bang- 
ers and mash, passed a law authorizing 
police to remove anyone who disrupts а 
council meeting by “creating a noxious 
or offensive odor.” Officials say the law is 
directed at pepper spray, mace and stink 
bombs, not bodily odors. Also, nobody 
gets removed if the council passes an or- 
dinance that smells fishy. 


ROCK 


FOR A NUMBER ОЁ years now, girls have 
been playing punk rock better than 
boys. One of the foremost reasons is L7, 
which hasn't had much commercial suc- 
cess—despite disgusting behavior, bad 
attitude and vital rock and roll. Now that 
grunge has been officially declared ka- 
put, L7 probably won't have commercial 
success with The Beauty Process: Triple Plat- 
inum (Slash/Reprise), either. But the 
band sure sounds good. With its crunchy 
riffs and raspy vocals, L7 hits a few of the 
right notes and all of the right emotions. 
And it has a fine drummer in Dee Plakas, 
who knows how to give this music the re- 
lentless driveit needs. Nobody is allowed 
to argue ever again that babes lack up- 
per-body strength. —cHARLES M. YOUNG 


For the past decade Madonna has 
been shrewd, vulgar, outrageous, sensu- 
al, shrewd, vulnerable, imperious and 
shrewd. But with Evita (Warner Bros.) 
she's something new: stupid. And not. 
because she made the portrayal of a fas- 
cist dictator's concubine the most pre- 
cious ambition of her career. Rather, be- 
cause as part of the bargain, she agreed. 
to record a two-disc soundtrack by the 
world’s worst composer, Andrew Lloyd 
Webber. —DAVE MARSH 


FOLK 


In Jerusalem, the opening track on his 
self-titled debut Dan Bern (Sony/Work), 
Bern comes up with a hook as unforget- 
table as it is cutting ("Maybe I don't love 
you all that much”). And he tells a story 
in which he turns out to be the Messiah, 
though in a peculiarly self-deprecating 
incarnation. At this point in his career, 
Bern is still digesting his influences (Dyl- 
an, Guthrie, Springsteen, Costello, Wain- 
wright). What is unusual is his ability to 
sustain his audacity. His best songs (Es- 
telle, Queen, King of the World, Too Late to 
Die Young) refuse to lie still; they're as 
funny as they are serious. If you can sep- 
arate the tragic romances from the shag- 
gy-dog stories, you're doing better than 
I am, but you're not having nearly as 
much fun as Bern. — DAVE MARSH 


With the Byrds, Roger McGuinn's 
chiming, 12-string guitar proved you 
could make Appalachian folk music 
rock, The band influenced Dylan and 
the Beatles. Later, artists such as Patti 
Smith, Tom Petty, R.E.M. and Live car- 
ried on the Byrds’ folk-rock tradition. 
McGuinn's latest solo release, Live From 
Mors (Hollywood) is a brilliant one-man 
retrospective and musical autobiogra- 
phy. With songs gathered from live per- 
formances over a two-year period, this 


LT's Beauty Process. 


Folk music, 
tango, hip-hop and 
a slap for Evita. 


album takes the audience on an engag- 
ing journey from McGuinr's folkie days 
with Judy Collins through the Byrds. He 
plays Mr. Tambourine Man first in the 
pure folk style he learned from Dylan. 
‘Then he adds the “Beatle beat” that 
transformed the tune, and finishes with 
the final version that became the Byrds’ 
first folk-rock hit. Тит! Tern! Turn!, Eight 
Miles High and other Byrds’ classics get 
similar treatments. And the spoken bits 
and musical demos are tracked separate- 
ly from the songs, so you can go directly 
to the music. — VIC GARBARINI 


R&B 


Erykah Badu, a resident of the black 
boho scene in Brooklyn's Fort Greene, is 
the latest and the most unusual entry in 
the growing stable of alternative R&B 
acts. At times, she sounds like Billie Hol- 
iday. That's a neat trick that many 
wannabe jazz divas have attempted. But 
Badu isn't covering Strange Fruit; she's 
singing over jazzy, hip-hop tracks that 
emphasize the sultry contours of her 
voice. On Baduism (Kedar/Universal), 
this young singer performs original ma- 
terial that taps jazz. The opening and 
closing track, Rimshot, uses the metaphor 
of a drummer hitting his snare rim to 
build a sassy groove. Next Lifetime, about 
a woman falling in love with a friend 
while still seeing her boyfriend, has an 
emotional hook that should make it 
Badu's standard, A laid-back cover ofthe 


Atlantic Starr evergreen Four Leof Clover 
is surprisingly effective. Badu's debut 
puts a nice spin on softly sexy vocals. 
Hey, isn't this how Sade started? 

— NELSON GEORGE 


To my ear, the Boxing Gandhis al- 
ready stand out as the best of funk's 
eclectic bands, even though Howard (At- 
antic) is only the group's second album. 
"They seamlessly use poetry, rock, R&B 
harmony, hip-hop beats and a variety of 
Latin accents. Funky Little Princess starts 
off like Alanis Morissette, but quickly 
adds the stronger groove necessary to 
convey the story of a teenage prostitute. 
Far From Over fuses Santana, P-Funk and 
iving Colour into a statement of Amer- 


© ican-immigrant facts of life. —DAVE MARSH 


SPOKEN WORD 


The Ballad of the Skeleton (Mouth Mu- 
sic/Mercury) is the best record Allen 
Ginsberg, the Beat generation’s most 
well-known poet, has made. The music 
is somewhere between Dylan’s Blonde on 
Blonde and Patti Smith's Horses, thanks to 
superb backing by Lenny Kaye, Paul 
McCartney and David Mansfield. It de- 
mands to be played loud. That judg- 
ment applies to both of the song poems 
here, but the main event is the title track. 
Skeleton also is the closest Ginsberg has 
ever come to writing an actual song. 

— DAVE MARSH 


HIP-HOP 


Is Michael Franti's music really Food 
for tha Masses, as the song title from 
Spearhead’s Chocolate Supa Highway (Cap- 
itol) puts it? This has been a problem for 
Franti since 1992, when his excellent and 
well-reviewed rap duo, Disposable He- 
roes of the Hipoprisy, failed to gain a 
large enough audience. But it’s not a 
problem for funk fans, especially those 
who prefer their grooves with brains. 
Musically, Spearhead’s second album is 
an impressive improvement on the 
band's debut. Its sound is thick and in- 
toxicating, especially the remake of Bob 
Marley's Rebel Music that features the Ja- 
maican's son Stephen. Franti's deep 
grunt gives off both resonance and 
rhythmic savvy. And there's no denying 
the man's gift for laying out the travails 
of those he's trying to talk to, especially 
on a painful song with the innocent title 
Gas Gauge. — ROBERT CHRISTGAU 


JAZZ 


For the 25 years he's recorded on 
Milestone, tenor saxophonist Sonny 


18 


FAST TRACKS 


Gorbarini 
plies 7 7 8 sl z 
8 6 6 в | y 
8 8 7 БУЕ, 
3 7 6 a [я 
8 7 6 в] 2 


DEAD OF THE MONTH DEPARTMENT: 
We've heard that a Grateful Dead Disc 
of the Month Club is being со! 
by the band's organizati 
would register with their credit card 
numbers and then automatically re- 
ceive new CD releases of live record- 
ings drawn from a collection spanning 
30 years. A Dead zine estimates there 
are at least 25,000 people who would 
join up. It sounds as if Elvis’ merchan- 
dising elves are branching out. 

REELING AND ROCKING: The Chicago 
music scene is going to be document- 
ed in Chicago, Illinois 60622, which w 
include Veruca Salt, the Jesus Lizard, 
Triple Fast Action and Red Red Meat... . 
Director Penelope Spheeris is leaving 
punk music to make Flashbacks, a film 
about acid guru Timothy Leary. . - - Baby- 
face will make his movie debut in Soul 
Food. . . . Gabriel Byrne and Mick Jag- 
ger's film production company will co- 
produce a movie about actress and 
photographer Tina Modotti, who was a 
revolutionary in the Thirties. . . . Ta- 
kashi Bufford, the writer of Set It Off, 
will direct a hip-hop comedy with 
plenty of music, called Harlem Ex- 
press. . . . Chuck D and Coolio play film- 
making brothers in a comedy about 
Hollywood written by Joe Eszterhas 
with cameos by Syl r Stallone, 
Richard Gere, Whoopi Goldberg and Jack- 
ie Chan. . . . Bret Michaels of Poison is 
making Jn God’s Hands in Bali. He'll 
play a self-proclaimed guru. 

NEWSEREAKS: Grace Slick's autobiog- 
raphy will be titled Go Ask Alice (I 
Think She'll Know). .. . On Slush's debut 
CD, North Hollywood, one track was 
recorded by band members in the 
nude. Only the Lord knows why. . . . 
Keep an eye out for Lounge-a-Palooza, 
the cocktail nation’s strangest CD yet. 
Steve Lawrence and Eydie Gorme 
sing Soundgarden and Pirzicato Five do 


the honors on The Girl From Ipanema. 
Dino and Sammy would be proud 

Another lounge item: You'll probably 
want to have a copy of Instrumental 
Gems of the Sixties, on which you not 
only will get Alley Cat by Bent Fabric, 
but also the Arthur Fiedler and Boston 
Pops rendition of / Want to Hold Your 
Hand. Call Collectors’ Choice Music at 
800-923-1122. . . . Says Bono about 
U2's upcoming CD: "Success is one 
thing in pop music, but staying rele- 
vant is the bigger challenge.” . .. The 
final Velvet Underground studio album, 
Loaded, has just been remastered and 
reissued. . . . Although the Beatles an- 
thology series has more to offer, in- 
cluding the original Get Back album, 
the project is on hold to give McCartney 
and Harrison a chance to work on solo 
projects. Even Paul and George don't 
want to compete with the Beatles. . . . 
Aretha Franklin gave a gospel concert at 
her late father’s church, New Bethel 
Baptist in Detroit, for a live album to 
be released on her own label, World 
Class Records. .. . There will be an al- 
bum of Roger Waters’ all-star concert 
The Wall: Live in Berlin, recorded in 
July 1990 as the Berlin Wall came 
down. . . . The Afghan Whigs will start 
working on their new album this 
spring. Peter Gabriel is in the stu- 
dio. . .. In October, the Doors four-disc 
boxed set will appear with alternate 
takes, unreleased material and rari- 
ties. . . . Cash, Johnny Cash's autobiog- 
raphy (co-written with an editor of 
Country Music magazine), will be out in 
July. ... № Doubs North Ameri- 
‘can tour begins the middle of this 
month. . . . The paper-versus-plastics 
debate over CD packaging continues 
and, while the recording industry 
hasn't taken a position, most ob- 
servers say any changes will likely be 
artist-driven. — BARBARA NELLIS 


Rollins has frustrated many who consid- 
er him our premicre living jazz musi- 
cian. He's been accused of seuling for in- 
consistent albums. Personally, 1 have 
enjoyed many of them. But I’m grateful 
for Milestone's two-CD retrospective Sil- 
ver City, in which Rollins—with some ad- 
vice from a frustrated admirer (Gary 
Giddins)—picks two-and-a-half hours of 
great performances to celebrate his si 
ver anniversary at the label. Rollins is ob- 
viously a treasure. —ROBERTCHRISTGAU 


WORLD 


Maybe it's just that the rhythms are 
more familiar than his usual Latin bal- 
ladry, but Tange (Columbia) strikes these 
Yanqui ears as the most graceful Julio 
Iglesias album. It probably helps that 
Iglesias sings in Spanish, and that the 
music takes sex as both text and subtext. 
Or maybe I'm just a sucker for great ac- 
cordion riffs. —DAVE MARSH 


The deluge of holiday releases is long 
over, but there is a Christmas album you 
can listen to 365 days a усаг Ethan 
James is a master of the hurdy-gurdy, an 
ancient folk instrument that's part key- 
board, part guitar and part bagpipe. On 
The Ancient Music of Christmas (Hannibal/ 
Rykodisc), he adds guitars, dulcimers 
and other exotic instruments to perform 
songs that are moody and modal yet 
have a celebratory feel Think of it as 
trance music from the Middle Ages—or 
Enya unplugged. And unless you walk 
around the house humming Quem Pas- 
tores Laudavere, there's nary a Christmas 
chestnut in sight. — ис GARBARINT 


1f you're curious about why Tibetan 
Buddhism has made such inroads in the 
West, check out Tibet: The Heart of Dharma 
(Ellipsis Arts), a combination CD and 
booklet that is considerably cheaper 
than going to Tibet. The CD records 
chants ranging in time from six to 17 
minutes and is guaranteed to alter your 
brain waves more profoundly than any- 
thing in the current vogue for ambient 
or trance music. — CHARLES M. YOUNG 


CLASSICAL 


Conductors nowadays rarely stay with 
one orchestra for long. With his 16 years 
as musical director of England's City of 
Birmingham Symphony Orchestra, Sir 
Simon Rattle is a remarkable exception. 
Hc has made the CBSO one of Europe's 
best orchestras. Two new releases show 
Каше at his finest. His first recording 
with period instruments, Mozart's Cosi 
fan tutte (EMI), is supple and sponta- 
neous. Rattle also demonstrates an af- 
hnity for Benjamin Britten's Young Per- 
son's Guide to the Orchestra (EMI). Start 
here if you want to learn about classical 
music. — LEOPOLD FROEHLICH 


Pour two ounces of Skyy vodka over ice. Alto known as Skyy lee, Skyy Over; Skyy Rocku 
For exceptionally clean, clear vodka produced by four-column distillation and triple filtration, always rea 
40% alelval (80 Proof) 100% grain neutral spirits. O1997 Skyy Spirits, Ine, San Francisco, California. 


WIRED 


MAN: THE MACHINE 


Imagine exchanging electronic résumés 
via handshake or unlocking a car door 
by simply touching the handle. If IBM 
has its way, you'll be doing that and a 
whole lot more with its new Personal 
Area Network technology. In essence, 
the body is used as а "wet wire" to trans- 
mit information from a device you wear 
to a device or person you touch. A small 
electronic unit, kept close to the body, 
transmits personal data by way of an im- 
perceptible electric current that passes 
through the skin into the bloodstream 
to any electronic receptor or PAN user 
you contact. Real-life applications might 
include routing phone numbers from 
pager to cell phone across your body or 
submitting all the account information 
necessary to rent a video or make a pur- 


chase by picking up the product—no 
checkout lines involved. IBM's PAN is 
still in the development phases, and 
IBM has no immediate plans to bring 
the product to market. However, we test- 
ed PAN at the most recent consumer 
electronics show in Las Vegas. We were 
impressed: The technology really works. 


ALL TALK AND ACTION 


Modems are great at getting computers 
to talk with one another. But sometimes 
users need to get a word in, too—partic- 
ularly when playing networkable games 
such as Descent, Quake and multimedia 
Monopoly. Recognizing this, modem 
manufacturers are giving people their 
voices back with devices that let you talk 
and send data at the same time, over the 
same line. The Diamond Multimedia 
Supra Express 336 Sp (about $150) is 
one of the best. It uses analog simultane- 
ous voice and data, ог ASVD, technolo- 
gy, which means conversation is trans- 
mitted as clearly as it would be over a 
standard telephone. Supra Express 336 
20 Sp comes with War Craft II, the popular 


fantasy-action game, and also serves as a 
fax, speakerphone and voicc-mail sys- 
tem, One drawback; The person you in- 
tend to talk with needs 
an ASVD modem, too, 
and so far the Supra 
Express is one of the 
few available. A more 
common standard is 
digital simultaneous 
voice and data, or 
DSVD. Voice quality 
suffers some, so gamers 
may want to scream 
when they go in for the 
kill. Hayes includes its 
top-notch DSVD Accu- 
ra 56K modem in its 
“Total Gaming Solution 
package ($180) and throws in the rip- 
roaring NASCAR racing game to keep 
you entertained. So while you may be 
too distracted to collaborate with your 
boss on that sales report, you can force. 
him into a spinout at Daytona. 


GAMERS U 


Ifthe thought of earning a living playing 
video games strikes a chord, you may. 
want to look into Digipen Applicd Com- 
puter Graphics School in. Vancouvcr, 
B.C., the only North American institu- 
tion with a formal curriculum in video 
game programming and design. But 
don't expect nonstop playtime. Students 


who enroll in Digipen commit to a two- 
year program with grucling 70-hour 
weeks, during which they learn the en- 


tire gaming process, from storyboard 
presentation and the elements of com- 
puter mathematics to programming, an- 
imation, modeling and networking. 
Members of the class of 1996—the first 
graduating class—were courted by ma- 
Jor game companies, including Ninten- 
do, аз well as computer animation firms 
and Hollywood studios. And all of the 19 
graduates landed jobs paying between 
$35,000 and $50,000. Digipen will also 
offer a four-year bachelor of science de- 
gree beginning in September at its new 
Digipen Institute of Technology in Seat- 
Че. Applications for the first 100 places 
are being accepted through the middle 
of June. Annual tuition is $10,000. 


ЛОТИ a 


Aside from looking seriously cool, Altec Lonsing's 
ACS55 multimedio speakers enhonce the realism of 
computer gaming with Dolby Surround Sound au- 
dio technology. The ACS55 system (shown here) 
combines two 12-watts-per-channel front speak- 
ers and а 40-watt subwoofer, oll priced under 
$200. ® The Perfect Connection, o unique product 
designed to improve the performance of audio ond 
video components and computers, also extends bat- 


tery life, according to its creotor, XLO Electric Co. TPC is 
a chemically treated wipe [slightly lorger than the kind you 
use to clean your honds after eating ribs) that reportedly 
penetrates base metol, removing and preventing cor- 
rosion-inducing oxidation. Wipe both mating contact 
surfoces—soy, a cellular phone БоНегу and its con- 
nectors—and your gear will be protected for several 
months. The price: about $1 per wipe. * Thanks to 
Pitney Bowes’ Personal Post Office, home office pro- 
fessionols will never run out of postoge again. 
Smaller than a typical ink-jet printer, this electronic 
postoge metering system weighs your mail and holds 
up to $1000 in postage. When the meter runs out, 
you use the system's modem to call for refills, which 
оге tronsferred online 24 hours a day. The price: 
$19.95 per month for the hardware plus a $50 stort- 
up fee that's credited toward your first round 
of postoge. Postage is billed immedi- 

ately following phone orders. 


WHERE 4 HOW TO BUY ON PAGE 16). 


MAN'S GUIDE ying DIAMONDS 


ARE YOU one of the TWO MILLION 
victims of ENGAGEMENT RING anxiety? 


1. Relax. Guys simply are not supposed to know 
this stuff. Dads rarely say, “Son, let's talk diamonds” 


2. But its still your с 
3. Spend wisely. It’s tricky because no two diamonds 
are alike. Formed in the earth millions of years ago, 
diamonds are found in the most remote corners of 
the world, De Beers, the world’s largest diamond 
company, has over 100 years’ experience in mining 
and valuing. They sort rough diamonds into over 
5,000 grades before they go on to be cut and pol- 
ished. So be sure you know what you're buying. 
"Two diamonds of the same size may vary widely 

in quality. And if a price looks too good to be true, 

it probably is. 
4. Leam the jargon. Your guide to quality and 

value is a combination of four characteristics called 
The 4 C's. They are: Cut, not the same as shape, 

but refers to the way the facets, or flat surfaces, are 
angled. A better cut offers more brilliance; Color, 
actually, close to no color is rarest; Clarity, the fewer 
natural marks, or “inclusions,” the beter; Caral 
ight, the larger the diamond, usually the more rare. 
5. Determine your price range. What do you spend on the one woman in the world who is smart enough to marry you? 
Many people use the Zo months salary guideline. Spend less and the relatives will talk. Spend more and they'll rave. 

6. Watch her as you browse. Go by how she reacts, not by what she says. She may be reluctant to tell you what she 
really wants. Then once you have an idea of her taste, dont involve her in the actual purchase. You both will cherish 

the memory of your surprise. 

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MOVIES 


By BRUCE WILLIAMSON 


Crash (Fine Line) is the movie that either 
wowed or worried audiences at last 
year's Cannes Film Festival. Director 
David Cronenberg, a filmmaker wired 
for weirdness (Dead Ringers, Naked 
Lunch), strikes again with this startling 
adaptation of J.G. Ballard's 1973 novel 
about people sexually excited by car ac- 
cidents, prosthetic devices and scar tis- 
sue. The erotic power of pain and vio- 
lence is not something every viewer will 
respond to, despite some provocative 
performances. Deborah Unger and 
James Spader coolly portray Catherine 
and James, a married pair whom Cro- 
nenberg describes as “the archetypal 
postnuclear, post-technology couple." 
James gets it on with a widowed doctor 
(Holly Hunter) after a head-on collision 
that kills her husband. A badly bruised 
scientist named Vaughan (Elias Koteas) 
is the high priest of a cult that flocks to 
re-creations of famous car crashes—such 
as those that killed James Dean and 
Jayne Mansfield. Among his followers is 
Gabrielle (Rosanna Arquette), a badly 
damaged fetishist in leg braces and a 
full-body support suit. All the characters 
in this eerily stylized psychodrama seem 
to speak in a whisper, while their obses- 
sive sexual acts speak louder than 
words. ¥¥/2 


Even crazier than Crash is Lost Highway 
(October Films), directed and co-au- 
thored by David Lynch (with Barry Cif- 
ford) and so far out that it makes Twin 
Peaks look tepid. Dubbed a “21st century 
noir horror film” by its creators, the 
movie is as incoherent as a bad dream 
but not nearly as much fun. Patricia Ar- 
quette plays two characters—the faith- 
less wife of a jazz musician (Bill Pullman) 
and a blonde bimbo who cheats on her 
gangster beau (Robert Loggia) with a 
young auto mechanic (Balthazar Getty). 
Don't even try to figure it all out. Ar- 
quette can't sustain a bad-girl dual role 
that would have challenged Barbara 
Stanwyck or Bette Davis at their best. 
Most of it is abstract nonsense, which has 
Fred (Pullman) and Pete (Getty) swap- 
ping identities for no reason except that 
it's more surrealistic than letting log- 
ic spoil a trip to cuckooland. Fess up, 
Lynch: Does Lost Highway head in any 
direction worth going? ¥ 

. 


Movies directed by Sidney Lumet 
tend to have a moral center, and virtual- 
ly every character in Night Falls on Manhat- 
tan (Paramount) faces a crisis of con- 
science. Andy Garcia finds himself in 

22 an ethical bind as an idealistic lawyer 


Arquette: Braced for Crash. 


Erotica erupting everywhere, 
hanky-panky between rehearsals 
and slapstick at the zoo. 


catapulted into the spotlight when he 
is elected New York's district attorney. 
First, he becomes romantically involved 
with a defense lawyer's assistant (Lena 
Olin), then he stumbles into a narcotics 
case that compels him either to suppress 
evidence of police corruption or in- 
criminate his own father (Ian Holm). 
With Richard Dreyfuss rounding out 
a sharp cast as the feisty defense attor- 
ney, Night Falls has pace. big-city grit and 
intelligence. ¥¥¥ 


An over-the-top performance by An- 
thony Hopkins both helps and hurts a 
Chorus of Disapproval (Theafilm), a cheeky 
British trifle based on Alan Ayckbourn's 
prize-winning play. Made several years 
ago and held up by legal hassles, the 
movie features Hopkins as the bluster- 
ing, imperious director of a theatrical 
troupe in the seaside town of Scarbor- 
ough. While Hopkins hams and pre- 
pares a production of A Beggar's Opera, 
Jeremy Irons joins the company and 
manages to seduce, or be seduced by, the 
director’s wife (Prunella Scales) and a 
fellow player (Jenny Seagrove) who's in- 
to sexual adventures offstage. It’s pure 
fluff, but agreeable enough, directed by 
Michael Winner, with a gifted cast of 
farceurs. ¥¥/2 

е 


As a buddy film, Good шек (Fast West 
Film Partners) goes for the gold and 


scores at least a silver. Vincent D'Onofrio 
and Gregory Hines co-star as disabled 
men who enter a white-water raft race 
on Oregon's Rogue River. Although they 
don't win the race, they win cheers for 
sheer guts zs good guys on an odyssey— 
arguing, screving up and finding them- 
selves along the way. D'Onofrio plays 
"Ole" Olezniak, a Seattle Scahawks foot- 
ball star who has an accident on the field 
that leaves him blind and bitter. Hines is 
Bern Lemley, a paraplegic dental techni- 
cian. Both strive to reclaim their man- 
hood—particularly Ole, who shacks up 
with a girl he meets at a roadside 
gin mill. The rest is as inspirational as 
Rocky—with music to match—but much 
breezier and not as self-consciously 
macho. УУУ: 
. 


One main character in Female Perver- 
sions (October Films) succinctly states the 
movie's attitude: “Men take up too much 
fuckin’ time." For that reason, among 
others, a sexy attorney named Eve 
(Britain's Tilda Swinton) dares a 
reer move by dumping her boyfriend, 
John (Clancy Brown), an “carthquake 
engineer,” for a love affair with a psychi- 
atrist named Renee (Karen Sillas). Amy 
Madigan, Frances Fisher and Paulina 
Porizkova add what they can to the 
film—directed routinely by Susan Streit- 
feld, who co-adapted the screenplay 
from a book we won't bother to read. 
Don't let the provocative title fool you— 
this movie is intrinsically dull. Y 


Indian director Mira Nair made 
1988's Oscar-nominated Salaam Bombay! 
and, in English, Mississippi Masala and 
The Perez Family before returning to her 
roots with Kama Sutra (Irimark). Subti- 
tled "A Tale of Love,” the movie may dis- 
appoint anyone expecting a re-creation 
of that Indian classic's famous index of 
sexual positions. Nonetheless, Nair's 
take on the book is erotic, exotic and ex- 
quisitely photographed. The film is a 
16th century romantic tragedy about 
queen Tara (Sarita Choudhury), lusty 
libertine king Raj Singh (played by 
Naveen Andrews of The English Patient), 
servant girl Maya (drop-dead beautiful 
Indira Varma), who sleeps with the king 
on his wedding night, and love-smitien 
sculptor Jai (Ramon Tikaram). Though 
Maya falls for Jai, he rejects her, seem- 
ingly preferring her sculpted stone im- 
age to the real thing. Maya ultimately re- 
turns to rule the harem as Raj Singh’s 
courtesan and sets off a chain reaction of 
emotions between her penitent Jai, 
the possessive king and the madly jeal- 
ous Tara. It's a rhythmic, sensual film, 
amazingly nude and sexy considering 


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Ralph and Kristin: Embodying English, 
Before Oscar has his say, we cast 
our own ballot for the hits and 
misses of 1996, 


BRUCE’S TEN BEST 


The Celluloid Closet: Vibrant history 
of gays in cinema. Tomlin narrates. 
The Crucible: Day-Lewis, Joan Allen 
and company fire up Arthur Mik 
ler's Salem witch tri; 
The English Potient: Soaring roman- 
tic drama of the old school. 

Fargo: The Coen brothers’ brilliant 
black comedy involves kidnap- 
pers, murder and some Midwest 
accents to die for. 

Hamlet: Compleat, courtesy of 
Branagh— altogether spectacular. 
Lone Star: Compelling look at mur- 
der in a small Texas town. 

Looking for Richard: Shakespeare 
celebrated by Al Pacino and 
friends. 

The People vs. Larry Flynt: Director 
Forman's zingy valentine to free- 
dom of speech. 

Secrets and Lies: Catch Brenda 
Blethyn, an Englishwoman who 
is shaken up by her long-lost 
daughter. 

Shine: Inspired real-life drama 
about a tortured pianist. 


AND THE TEN WORST 


The Cable Guy: Jim Carrey plays it 
sick and scary, not at alll funny. 
Diabolique: How not to remake а 
classic thriller, even with Sharon 
Stone. 

Faithful: Palminteri and Cher face 
off, and the overall impact is tepid. 
The Island of Dr. Moreav: Brando is 
ludicrous in the title role. 

Lorger Than Life: Bill Murray, with 
an elephant on his back. 

Mary Reilly: Dr. Jekyll, Mr. Hyde 
and Julia Roberts in a misbegotten 
romance. 

Multiplicity: Michael Keaton gets 
cloned, while the gags congeal. 
Romeo and Juliet: Baz Luhrmann 
does the Bard for teenyboppers. 
Space Jom: Is it a movie or another 
Jordan product endorsement? 
Striptease: One more nosedive for 
hapless, topless Demi. 


that passionate, prolonged mouth-to- 
mouth contact is forbidden by India’s 
film censors. ¥¥¥ 

. 


Working-class society in New Zealand 
appears to be a hotbed of racial tension 
in Broken English (Sony Classics), by co-au- 
thor and director Gregor Nicholas. The 
clash between family unity and free love 
heats up with exciting newcomer Alek- 
sandra Vujcic. In real life she's an earthy 
Croatian immigrant who was partying in 
a bar when Nicholas discovered her. Vi- 
brant on camera, Vujcic turns out to bea 
natural as the spirited, sexy waitress, Ni- 
na, whose stern father locks her up to 
keep her away from Eddie (Julian Ara- 
hanga), the native restaurant cook she 
can't resist. 

Broken English exudes atmosphere—as 
a blue-collar Romeo and Juliet drama 
that has a wry but reasonably happy 
ending. УУУ 


Fierce Creatures (Universal) is more a 
follow-up than a sequel to the 1988 hit 
A Fish Called Wanda. Again starring the 
formidable foursome of John Cleese, 
Michael Palin, Jamie Lee Curtis and 
Kevin Kline—with directorial credit 
shared by Robert Young and Fred 
Schepisi—Creatures is full-out slapstick 
about some zanies scrambling to operate 
an English zoo. Only man-eating preda- 
tors will be displayed, decrees the new 
owner, an international tycoon in the 
Murdoch mold who doesn’t consider 
cuddly animals enough of a draw for a 
bloodthirsty public. The father-and-son 
dual role (as Rod and Vince McCain) is 
played with unstoppable gusto by Kline. 
In one sequence, Palin dresses as a bum- 
blebee—your clue that this comedy is re- 
lentless in its quest for belly laughs. For- 
tunately, the movie delivers more often 
igs who can't abide sick 
ide or making out with 
sheep are warned to steer clear. УУУ 


He's a corporate New York type over 
seeing construction of a new casino in 
Las Vegas. She's a fiery Mexican-Ameri- 
can camera girl at Caesars Palace. When 
she gets pregnant following a one-night 
stand, the two virtual strangers marry on 
short notice, then begin to get acquaint- 
ed. That pretty well sums up Fools Rush In 
(Columbia), a sassy romantic comedy 
made sassier by its two top players: spec- 
tacular Salma Hayek and Friends’ Мас 
thew Perry. Her beauty and personality 
combined with his easy offhand charm 
make fools a clash between Mexican- 
American Catholic family values and go- 
getting Americanism. Featherweight, 
yes, but everyone manages to keep it 
airborne. ¥¥/2 


MOVIE SCORE CARD 
capsule close-ups of current films 
by bruce williamson 


Blood and Wine (Reviewed 2/97) 
Nicholson and A-1 cast in a class-B 
thriller, LUZ 
Broken English (See review) Star- 
crossed lovers in New Zealand. УУУ 
A Chorus of Disapproval (See review) 
Brits up to lots of hanky-panky. УУУ; 
Crash (See review) Autoerotic.  YY/2 
The Daytrippers (3/97) A philanderer 
has his family tracking him down. ¥¥ 
The Evening Star (3/97) Shirley Mac- 
Laine stars in а soapy sequel to Terms 
of Endearment. yy 
Everyone Soys I Love You (1/97) Woody's 
all-star funny valentine to movie 


musicals. УУУ 
Evita (3/97) Madonna's big moment— 
grandiose but gripping. yyy 


Female Perversions (See review) It’s a 
woman thing—all right, already. У 
Fierce Creatures (See review) The Han- 
da group, whooping it up in an Eng- 
lish zoo. yyy 
Fools Rush In (See review) Love and 
marriage after a one-night stand. ¥¥/2 
Ghosts of Mississippi (3/97) Revisiting 
the Medgar Evers murdercase, ¥¥¥ 
Good Luck (See review) White-water 
raft race with two disabled guys. ¥¥J2 
Gridlock'd (3/97) A pair of likable, 
dopcd-up musicians do the town, 
sort of. Wh 
Jerry Maguire (Listed only) Cruise in 
control as a sports agent with princi- 
ples—plus a winning cast. УУУ 
Ката Sutra (See review) Not the acro- 
batic sex manual, but deftly erotic 
and exotic. УУУ 
Kolya (3/97) The love Ше of a swing- 
ing Czech cellist is rearranged by ап 
irresistible Russian tot. УУУ); 
Lost Highway (See review) Lynch loses 
iton an aimless side trip. Y 
Marvin's Room (3/97) The big C light- 
ened up by Streep and Keaton. УУУ 
Night Falls on Manhattan (See review) 
Garcia confronts an ethics test as a 
beleaguered New York D.A. УУУ 
Nothing Personal (3/97) Back to Belfast. 
for more of the Irish troubles. УУУ 
Scream (3/97) Wes Craven's tongue- 
in-cheek ode to grisly shockers. УУУ» 
SubUrbie (3/97) Downbeat drama, 
based on Bogosian's play, about dis- 
enchanted youth at the mall. УУУ 
Troublesome Creek (3/97) The demise 
of an American farm. Wh 
Waiting for Guffman (3/97) Musical 
spoof of a small-town celebration. YY 
When We Were Kings (3/97) Nonfiction 
study of the Foreman fight that made 
Ali a boxing legend. WA 


YYYY Don't miss 
УУУ Good show 


YY Worth a look 
Y Forget it 


Thursday 10:14pm 


You have no idea what's on tv. 


VIDEO 


GUEST SHOT 


"When my career's 
over,” says Tom Ar- 
nold, "I'll sit down 
and watch all the 
videos in my collec- 
tion.” That may take 
some time—the ac- 
tor claims to have 
more than 1000 
tapes in his personal stash. His favorite? 
"Гуе always loved Houseboat [1958] with 
Sophia Loren. She was such a great mom 
in that movie; | wanted her to be my moth- 
er so badly because mine wasn't with us.” 
Arnold also likes anything by Peter Sell- 
ers—especially Being There—and a 
drinker's double feature: “One is Withnail & 
1, an English comedy about drunks; the 
other is Arthur, the American comedy 
about an English drunk. People criticize the 
subject matter, but I'm an alcoholic —sev- 
en years sober—and | think they put an 
honest spin on it." Cheers. —DINNACDE 


VIDBITS 


Home Vision has finally released Walk- 
about, Nicolas Roeg's 1971 solo directo- 
rial debut about two lost British children. 
rescued in the Australian desert by an 
aboriginal boy. The special director's cut. 
has been digitally remastered and letter- 
boxed and includes footage omitted 
from the movie house release ($79.95). . 
It may not have the rare tintypes of The 
Civil War, or Baseball's cool grainy clips of 
the Babe, but Ken Burns’ Thomas Jeffer- 
son ( T.H.E.; $29.98) is another com- 
pelling history lesson from the master of 
the pan-scan-and-200m documentary. 
The two-tape chronicle of the natio) 
third president tracks Jefferson's poli 
cal career and the impact he had on 18th 
century America—and beyond. 


OSCAR'S BRIDESMAIDS 


Some years Academy Award voters have 
it tough. Consider 1939: Among the 
nominees for best picture were Slage- 
coach; Wuthering Heights; Goodbye, Mr. 
Chips; Mr. Smith Goes to Washington; 
Ninotchka and The Wizard of Oz. But the 
winner was Gone With the Wind. Other 
Oscar horse races: 

1941: It may be called the best flick of all 
time, but Citizen Kane won only a screen- 
play trophy, having been scooped for top 
honors by How Green Was My Valley. 
1946: Apparently, Frank Capra's holiday 
homily, H's a Wonderful Life, wasn't as 
wonderful as William Wyler's homecom- 
ing tearjerker, The Best Years of Our Lives. 
1960: Billy Wilder's Lemmon-MacLaine 


26 comedy The Apartment locked up the Os- 


car, fending off John Wayne's expensive 
and expansive The Alamo. 

1967: Oscar pondered a Sidney Poitier 
double bill—Guess Who's Coming to Dinner 
and Jn the Heat of the Night—and gave the 
prize to the latter. But Poitier's acting 
wasn't nominated for either. 

1969: Voight and Hoffman's hustling 
Midnight Cowboy knocked the hats off 
Redford and Newman's gunslinging 
Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid. Still, 
the Hole in the Wall Gang managed 
to rustle up four trophies (screenplay, 
song, score and cinematography). 

1971: A Clockwork Orange was shut out 
and Fiddler on the Roof took three lesser 
awards, as The French Connection drove 
off with the night's big prize. 

1975: Spielberg's Jaws could almost taste 
victory but was straitjacketed by One Flew 
Over the Cuckoo’s Nest. It wouldn't be 
Spiclberg’s last Oscar snub. 

1976: OK, you guess: All the President's 
Men, Network or Taxi Driver? None of the 
above. Stallone's Rocky scored a last- 
minute KO. 

1981: Vangelis’ infectious, Oscar-win- 
ning score helped Chariots of Fire cross 
the finish line ahead of Raiders of the Lest 
Ark. Another Spielberg dis. 

1982: E.T: The Extra-Terrestrial, a movie 
about a small bald being from another 
planet, lust to Gurulhi, a movie about a 
small bald being from another plane. 
Hey, Steve—what's the deal? 

1993: The Piano certainly had the critics, 
and The Fugilive had the box office. But 
Spielberg had Schindler's List—and, at 
last, his Oscar. —BUZZ MCCLAIN 


OF THE MONTH: 


If your hoops team isn't in the 
finals, check out NBA at 50 
($19.98), CBS/Fox golden amni- 
versary scrap- 
book of bas- 
ketball. In- 
cluded in the 


fast-breaking 

flashback: the 

building of Red 

Auerbach's 

Celtics dynasty; the Sixties face-off be- 
tween Bill Russell and Wilt the Stilt; the ar- 
rival of Magic, Bird and Michael; and Spike 
Lee’s spin on the playground choose-up 
game. Denzel Washington hosts. 


LASER FARE 


Heaven's Gate (1980) came to stand for 
everything that was wrong with the mov- 
ic industry. Over budget, overlong and 
overdone, the film sent director Michael 
Cimino (The Deer Hunter) spiraling off 
the A-list. But laser's another matter. 
The new disc version (MGM/UA/Image, 
$50) of the sprawling tale of Wyoming's 
Johnson County Wars restores the pic- 
turc to its original 220-minute length, 
and it’s a beaut. The transfer shows off 
Vilmos Zsigmond's breathtaking 
Panavision photography, and the cast— 
especially Jeff Bridges, Christopher 
Walken and Isabelle Huppert—holds up 
just fine. —GREGORY P FAGAN 


Maximum Risk (Van Damme gets Russian mobsters who 


killed 
Standing | 


bro; Natasha Hen: 
ired gun Bruce Willis struts through Walter Hill's 


ige gets naked), Lost Man 


Thirties shoct-'em-up; good and moody). 


Bound (grrlfriends fleece megabucks from mobster dons; 
Gershon and J. Tilly do bed scenes—a must for rewinders], 
Switchblade Sisters (cheesy femole gang-wor romp; 1975 
kitsch reissued by Torontino's new vid label). 


Extreme Measures (conscientious doc Hugh Grant goes ofter 
evil hospital honcho Gene Hockman), Trigger Effect (yuppie 
trio gets caught up in porcnoid lunocy of major blackout; 
OK, but the payoff's a letdown). 


Europe’ classic sportssedans— BMW Together they form the Subaru All- quite a punch, thanks to its powerful 


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Now iS our turn. 


Вох 100's, 16 mg. "tar, 1- 
av. per cigarette by FTC method. 


SURGEON GENERAL'S WARNING: Smoking 
By Pregnant Women May Result in Fetal 
Injury, Premature Birth, And Low Birth Weight. 


By DIGBY DIEHL 


ROBERT STONE is a heavyweight cham- 
pion of contemporary American fiction 
Squarely in the Hemingway tradition, he 
embraces big themes and commands an 
array of prose styles that modulate from 
elegiac to electrifying. His new book of 
stories, Bear and His Daughter (Houghton 
Mifflin), reads more like a collection of 
fragments from novels-in-progress. But 
what marvelous fragments. 

In “Absence of Mercy,” Mackay, a 
working-class Irishman, instinctively 
comes to the aid of an elderly woman ac- 
costed іп a subway station. He finds him- 
self surrounded by an angry crowd, and 
we experience the rush of emotions that 
washes over him. Mackay is a fully de- 
veloped character, and the reader is 
hooked. I wish a novel had followed. 

A story that will encourage compar- 
isons with Malcolm Lowry or Graham 
Greene, "Porque No Tiene, Porque le 
Falta" introduces the dissolute poet 
Fletch, who lives inexplicably trapped 
just outside a small Mexican village near 
a volcano. The story chronicles one phan- 
tasmagoric night as he is tormented by 
eccentric locals. Fletch begs to be ex- 
plored in a longer form. 

The title story—the revelations of a fa- 
ther and his grown daughter cntangled 
in a dark psychological dance—comes to 
a grimly satisfying finale. The book is a 
fulfilling novella, an artistic whole. Yet 
even this carefully crafted narrative 
hints about the earlier lives of the char- 
acters. It isa sign of Stone's literary pow- 
er that all of the stories in this collection 
spark the imagination and leave the 
reader hungry for more. 

Bottom Line Personal Book of Bests (St. 
Martin's), edited by the Bottom Line 
newsletter staff: Although the primary 
focus is financial, this collection of tips 
covers everything from learning lan- 
guages to training a puppy. Some of the 
most cyc-opening suggestions deal with 
IRS loopholes, career strategies and 
everyday hassles with credit cards. 

In Dick for a Day (Villard), edited by 
Fiona Giles, Camille Paglia says, “I 
would go find Catherine Deneuve in a 
hurry.” Germaine Greer would make a 
sizable donation to a sperm bank. Syd- 
ney Biddle Barrows wants to be on the 
receiving end of fellatio. Terry McMillan 
would have "the ultimate sexual experi- 
ence with a woman." Intriguingly, Patri- 
cia Cornwell says, "I'd do exactly what I 
do now.” These and 47 other women of 
fer their fantasies about what they would 
do ifthey had a penis for 24 hours. It's a 
clever idea. 

Killing Floor (Putnam), by Lee Child: 
This is such a brilliantly written first 


30 novel that the guy must be channel- 


Stone's Bear ard His Daughter. 


Short stories, 
Dick for a Day, divorced guys 
and a new Rogue Warrior. 


ing Dashiell Hammett. A former Army 
homicide investigator named Jack Rea- 
cher is passing through the little town of 
Margrave, Georgia when he is hauled in- 
to the local jail as a suspected killer. As 
the bodies continue to pile up, the cops 
realize their mistake and call on his ex- 
pertise. Reacher handles the mazc of 
clues and the criminal unfortunates with 
a flair that would make Sam Spade proud. 

The Devil’s Red Nickel (Mysterious), by 
Robert O. Greer: C.J. Floyd works as a 
bail bondsman and a bounty hunter in 
Denver, but in this story he travels to 
Chicago to check out the rhythm-and- 
blues record empire of Daddy Doo-Wop 
Polk, a former disc jockey who has been 
murdered. Greer's second book is sprin- 
kled with music-business lore and filled 
with scenes of African American night- 
life, both in Denver and on Chicago's 
South Side. This is an intriguing, tightly 
plotted murder mystery. 

Men оп Divorce: The Other Side of the Story 
(Harcourt Brace), edited by Penny Ka- 
ganoff and Susan Spano: As a follow-up. 
to their earlier anthology, Women on Di- 
vorce, the editors asked 15 male writers 
to meditate on the death of marriage. 
The results are thoughtful, well written 
and oddly civilized. This group includes 
Edward Hoagland, Ted SolotarolT, John 
А. Williams, Michael Ventura and Ben- 
jamin Cheever. They sce divorce from 
both sides and, for the most part, em- 
pathize with their ex-wives. No stories ОЁ 
ferocious custody battles, grotesque 


fidelities or fistfights in front of the 
neighbors (though Luis Rodriguez con- 
fesses to his moments of rage). There are 
no denunciations of the slut-who-ru- 
ined-my-life. These reasoned essays are 
the dispassionate aftermath of divorce. 
You have to read fiction to get the real 
thing. 

Rogue Warrior: Designation Gold (Pocket), 
by Richard Marcinko and John Weis- 
man: The most colorful, hcll-raising, 
bomb-throwing, ex-Seal commander of 
them all is back in another fast-moving, 
fictional adventure. This time, Marcinko 
begins with a 25-page soliloquy on Spec 
warfare—delivered in the dark as he is 
sneaking up on a dacha outside Moscow 
that is owned by a Russian Mafia chief. 
Soon, he is flying off to Washington, 
Paris and the Middle East to break up a 
terrorist conspiracy involving nuclear 
weapons. Rogue novels always contain 
more explosions and gunfights than do. 
Joel Silver movies, but half the fun is 
Marcinko’s erudite commentary on the 
incompetence of U.S. military services, 
the complex and ultimately frustrating 
mechanics of international politics and 
the manly art of protecting your ass. In- 
stead of letting the formula for these sto- 
ries get stale, Marcinko and Weisman 
add new plot ingredients and push them 
to the limits of military technology. 

Dr. Fulford's Touch of Life (Pocket), by Dr. 
Robert Fulford with Gene Stone: Here's 
2 prescription for health through osteo- 
pathic manipulation, illustrated with 
spiring storics of how holistic techniques 
have succeeded where conventional 
medicine has failed. Dr. Fulford is now in 
his 90s, and he claims his hands are so 
sensitive he can feel a human hair un- 
derneath 18 layers of paper. He uses 
those hands on his patients to stimulate 
the life force, which induces healing. Be- 
fore you pop another aspirin, read this 
book and consider that what you may re- 
ally need is a realignment of your elec- 
tromagnetic field. 

Bad Memory (Pocket), by Duane Frank- 
let: The corporate thriller is becoming a 
genre of its own, and this latest entry has 
the unusual enticement of explaining 
how computer security works in a large 
company. An international manufactur- 
er of computers called Simtec is pene- 
trated by a cunning criminal hacker who 
demands millions to prevent the collapse 
of the corporate computer network. 
There's lots of heavy breathing over the 
keyboards, moaning about plunging 
profits and talk about viruses, passwords 
and computer codes. It’s the kind of sto- 
ry that makes you yearn for a Louis 
LAmour Western. 


DRINK TECHNICIAN? COCKTAIL, COORDINATOR? 
BEVERAGE ADMINISTRATOR? 


(THANKFULLY, A BARTENDER IS STILL A BARTENDER.) 


1$ 1= 
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Enjoy Red Label Responsibly 
Jede Waiters Red Labels, Blended Sch Why, 
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HEALTH & FITNESS 


SPRING TUNE-UP 


Just in case you're one of the 
laggards who took the winter 
off: It's time to suck it in, in- 
spect for damage and get back 
on the fitness track. Here are 
the rules. 

* Easy Docs It. Resist the urge 
to jump back into your fitness 
routine at the level you left it 
months ago. Go slow. Exercise 
patience. You'll condition just as 
fast and avoid injury. 

* Renew Your Shoes. Working 
out in worn shoes is asking for trouble. If your soles are thin, 
your treads are gone or your heels are toppling, you defi- 
nitely need a new pair. And don't buy brand or advertising 
hype. The best shoe is one that fits your foot and gives you 
support. 

* Make Muscle. Aerobic sports—running, biking, swimming, 
etc.—are important, but be sure your spring tune-up includes 
strength training, too, at least twice a week. Machines or free 
weights—it's up to you. For maximum results and minimal 
risk, learn how to lift and breathe properly. 

* Hire a Trainer. Even for one session, macho man. You'll 
learn to do your routine right. 


MEDICINE IN A BOTTLE 


A kidney stone won't kill you, but the pain could make you 
wish it would. Fifteen percent of all men will develop one or 
more during their lifetime, and doctors recommend drinking 
lots of liquids to reduce the risk. But here’s the good news: 
Beer beats water. In fact, it's five times more effective in pre- 
venting stones, according to a Harvard study. 
The alcohol in beer keeps the kidney from 
concentrating the body salts in urine, which is 
how stones develop. Drinking an equivalent 
amount of red wine—eight ounces—re- 
duces the risk by 39 percent, reports 
the study. 

Red wine may also hold major 
promise in the battle against cancer. 
A substance called resveratrol, 
whose leading food source is the 
skin of grapes, works several ways, 
according to University of Illinois 
researchers: It inhibits the develop- 
ment of skin and colorectal cancer. 
It may also stimulate enzymes that 
detoxify cancer agents and block 
leukemia cells from proliferating. 
"These results were based on studies 
with mice; whether resveratrol can be used in a sufficient con- 
centration outside the lab is a concern. 

White wine, by the way, holds no such promise, because the 
skins of the grapes are removed. 


GOOD NEWS 


* Thinking about sex can cut pain in half, according to a 
Johns Hopkins study. Two groups held their hands in ice wa- 
ter for as long as they could tolerate the cold. Those told to 
think about sex kept their hands in twice as long as those told 
to think about abstinence. 

©The latest possible cancer preventive is selenium. A major 


32 Arizona study found a daily 200-microgram dose reduced the 


incidence of prostate cancer by 69 percent (and other cancers 
by 50 percent). So eat selenium-rich garlic, whole grains, 
Brazil nuts, meat, swordfish, tuna and oysters. Or buy se- 
lenomethionine-labeled pills at health food stores. 

e NASA is pumped up about space. The likeliest solution to 
bone and muscle loss on interplanetary voyages could be vig- 
orous resistance workouts. The space agency is already devel- 
oping new high-tech gear: Look for NASA-approved ma- 
chines in your health club soon. 

e Here's a dietary prescription we 
can live with: Eat more Italian 
food. An ingredient in toma- 
toes, lycopene, may reduce 
the risk of cancer for males. 
Researchers at the Dana-Far- 
ber Cancer Institute in Boston 
made the link, which supports 
other scientists who say toma- 
toes may protect against pros- 
tate cancer. One of the best 
ways to get lycopene is in to- 
mato sauce, since (unlike most 
vitamins) it stays potent when 
cooked. 


REAL MEN DRINK SKIM 


Jocks and stars sport the milk 
mustache, but is it whole, low-fat 
or nonfat? Under a new federal law, two percent milk can no 
longer be designated as low-fat, meaning more shoppers will 
likely turn to skim milk. But the dairy industry is concerned 
that "skin" sounds unappetizing, su the hunt is on for more 
descriptive terms. Here’s the lowdown: Skim milk will be 
rechristened as either fat-free or nonfat milk. Two percent 
milk, once called low: vill be changed to reduced fat. Only 
one percent milk will carry the low-fat label. One piece of 
good news: Plain old skim milk—however you refer to it—has 
lost its watery texture and bluish tinge. A new thickener de- 
rived from oat flour helps the milk look and taste creamier. 


Calcium champ: Oscar de lo 
Hoya likes strong bones. 


DR. PLAYBOY 


Q I've been seeing ads for liquid diet supplements such 
as Boost and Ensure. I thought these were for people in 
hospitals. Should I be drinking them? 
A. You may as well drink a milk shake. Yes, hospi- 
tals serve these drinks in place of 
meals to people who can't stagger to 
the cafeteria or swallow pudding. But 
a recent comparison by Tufts University 
found that many of the drinks contained 
about the same amount of fat and calo- 
ries—and as little fiber—as an eight-ounce 
chocolate shake. Sure, the supplements have 
additional vitamins and minerals. But if you 
insist on getting your nutrients in pill form, 
why not pop a supplement pill and wash it 
down with your beverage of choice? 

Speaking of supplements, we suggest taking 
a multivitamin rather than single doses of any 
one nutrient. Vitamins work more effectively 
together, Huge quantities of any one vitamin 
(even C) yield flat results in clinical studies. And 
scientists now believe too much of one min. 
can actually displace stores of other vitamins. 


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MEN 


A; a shrewd observer of this cul- 
ture, you have probably noticed 
that American men have an extra 
bounce in their step as the month of 
April arrives. And why not? After all, 
April 15 is every man's favorite day be- 
cause during that magical 24 hours, he 
gets to send approximately 40 percent of 
his yearly income to the Internal Rev- 
enuc Service. 

If you studied the 1996 presidential 
election, you noticed the gender gap be- 
tween male and female voters. Accord- 
ing to the experts, one major difference 
between the sexes is that women tend to 
trust the government with their money 
more than men do. Women are thus 
more willing to pay taxes to support gov- 
ernment programs. Men, the pollsters 
claim, are stingier, grouchier and more 
discontented when it comes to paying in- 
come taxes. 

But the polls are dead wrong, as 1 will 
soon show you. Contrary to the popular 
perception, | can prove that American 
men trust the government completely at 
all its complex levels. Better yet, they 
dearly love paying taxes, which is why 
April 15 is such a happy day for them. 
Watch them skip to the post office with a 
smile. Aren't they good sports? 

It is true, of course, that some isolated 
men, a few misfits, have criticized the 
government's methods of tax collection. 
“The income tax has made more liars 
out of the American people than golf 
has,” Will Rogers said in 1923. But 
Rogers has been dead for decades, and 
he certainly no longer reflects the mod- 
ern man’s view of taxes (or of our golf 
scores, for that matter, about which we 
are painstakingly honest). 

Recently, I conducted my own poll of 
American men and what they think 
about taxes, and the results are astonish- 
ing. Here are the five major things that 
men are saying about taxes. And trust 
me on this one: What 1 am telling you is 
as accurate as an IRS audit: 

(1) Some 99.5 percent of American men 
want to pay more taxes. “What I liked about 
the recent presidential campaign was 
that Bill Clinton and Bob Dole were peo- 
ple I instinctively trusted and wanted to 
please,” says Ralph Wiggenstock, a 
trucker from Gassville, Arkansas. “1 
guess I'd call myself thie typical Ameri- 
can male who is in touch with his femi- 
nine side. Whenever I saw those two 


34 guys on ТУ, I got all gooey inside, sort of 


By ASA BABER 


the way women feel when they see Mel 
Gibson, I guess. So I sent the govern- 
ment all my money, because I know 
those politicians would never waste a 
dime of my hard-earned cash. And I 
want trial lawyers and corporate hon- 
chos to get the tax breaks instead of un- 
deserving people like me.” 

(2) A full 98.9 percent of American men 
believe the current tax structure is historically 
justified. Listen to Mario Benson-Buns of 
Birdseye, Indiana; “There is a myth that 
the American Revolution was fought be- 
cause of insidious and unfair taxation by 
Britain over America, and that the 
founding fathers wanted to abolish op- 
pressive tax procedures in any govern- 
ment they formed. But nothing could be 
further from the truth. George Washing- 
ton was actually a lobbyist trying to get 
special tax breaks for Archer Daniels 
Midland, and everybody knows that 
Thomas Jefferson was hoping for a job 
with Health and Human Services or the 
National Transportation Safety Board.” 

(3) More than 99 percent of American men 
see government as a kind and selfless under- 
taker. "Every night, wherever I am," says 
Colonel Mick O'Reilly of “Iwentynine 
Palms, California, "I lead my Marine re- 
con battalion in a little prayer that goes 
like this: 'Now I lay me down to sleep, I 
pray Uncle Sam my soul to keep, and 
should I die before I wake, I pray Uncle 


Sam my estate to take.” You see, after my 
troopers and I get snuffed in Somalia or 
Bosnia or some other place vital to our 
national interest, it is only right that my 
government should be able to tax my es- 
tate when I’m in my grave. 1 mean, I 
didn't work that hard for it. So I want 
Uncle Sam to take his share of it instead 
of leaving it for my family. That's what 
America is all about, isn’t it?” 

(4) An amazing 106.7 percent of American 
men see government as a loving parental 
figure, wise and beneficent, that will protect 
them from the cradle to the grave. So says 
Vinnie “The Moose” Sostanza of Brook- 
lyn, New York: “I've been working for a 
living since I was 11 years old, and there 


1 is one thing 1 know for sure. The gov- 


ernment makes a great godfather. Any 
problem you got, you go to the govern- 
ment and it gets fixed—boom—like that. 
Somebody says you gotto sign up for the 
Selective Service when you're 18? Hey, 
no big deal. Talk to your draft board. 
They'll tell you not to worry about it. You 
got cash flow problems? Go to Uncle 
Sam and explain yourself. He'll let you 
off the hook completely. You got a bad 
tooth in your mouth? Call the Depart- 
ment of Agriculture. They got the best 
dentists in the world. You need a band 
for a party? Call Tipper Gore. She's the 
hottest booker in town. The feds: Don't 
leave home without them." 

(5) А shocking 220 percent of American 
men prefer to overpay their taxes and refuse 
all legal refunds. “Refunds make me ner- 
vous,” says Lawrence Dufowski of Poor- 
man, Alaska. "I don't want the money 
back. What would I do with it, pay for 
my kids' braces? Listen, better they stay 
bucktoothed so America can stay solvent. 
You might think we are self-reliant up. 
here in the boonies between the Kaiyuh 
and Kuskokwim mountains, but that's 
not the case. Just last winter my snow- 
mobile blew a gasket. You think I had to 
fix it? Hell no. I called Washington, D.C. 
and President Clinton was out here in 
one day to do the dirty work. He didn't 
even stay for dinner. Said he didn't want 
to intrude. Thanked me for all the tax 
refunds I've turned down, too. He 
hugged me and kissed my wife and 
damned if she didn't leave me and follow 
him back to Washington. Now that's 
good government, fella, and I say it's 
worth paying a pretty penny for." 


It's a guys' thing. 


игү! 


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Made to fit yóux'life. 


PLAYBOY 


36 


МАМУ PEOPLE ASK ME: “How 
DID YOU COME UP WITH THE 
GRAPHIC DESIGN IDEA FOR THE 
MILLER TIME LOGO?” MY 
ANSWER IS ALWAYS THE SAMI 
“ DID IT LIKE THIS," I SAY. 
THEN | SHOW THEM: 


STEP 1. | FIGURED THE GAN 
DUGHT TO BE SOMEWHERE IN 
THE MIDDLE OF THE 1060. 


WHAT | NEED TO CREATE: 


aig 
98% 


A &-PACK ОҒ MILLER LITE. 


є 


o 


ing Company. Mi 


A PENCIL. 


1 MAKE MY 
ADS IT'S 
MILLER TIME 
FDR ME." 


THIS 15 WHAT THREE “CLOSE” FRIENDS SAY ABOUT MY MILLER TIME LOGO; 


Tommy: "It looks great. Jeff: “It's very good. 


THIS LOGO IS MADE AND APPROVED BY ME. 
(MY SIGNATURE) 


WATCH OUT FOR DICK AND 


Step 2. THEN 1 REALIZED THE 


WORDS OUGHT то SE SOME- 
WHERE IN THE MIDDLE, тоо. 


Mike: ^ like it very much 


THis їз now 
ит TURNED 
OUT (rr sure 
Looks O.K. 
TO MED. 


HIS MILLER LITE CAMPAIGN, В оғмчкі. 


STEP 3. BACKGROUND COLOR 
WAS THE HARDEST PART. FIRST 
1 WANTED THE SACKGROUND ТО 
BE RED. THEN KIND OF YELLOW. 
BUT LATER | FOUND THAT A MIX 
DF RED AND YELLOW WOULD SE 
О.К. WHY? BECAUSE THAT 
LOOKS LIKE THE COLOR OF A 
GOOD-TASTING SEER! 


“WHEN YOU SEE MY ADS IT's 
MILLER TIME FOR You." 


www.millerlite com 


THE PLAYBOY ADVISOR 


I produce copious amounts of precome, 
which used to be a source of great em- 
barrassment. If I get the least bit 
aroused, the fluid gets all over my wife, 
all over me and all over whatever we're 
making love on. One evening we were 
having sex and my wife was begging me 
to touch her, but she wasn't very wet. To 
make matters worse, we had run out of. 
lube. There, dripping down my leg, was 
the answer. I gathered some of my pre- 
come with my fingers and rubbed it on 
her clitoris. She loved it, and I have since 
tried several variations. For instance, 1 
kneel high above her so she can get a 
good view of my cock, and with deliber- 
ate motions massage it until enough 
fluid has fallen on her breasts for me to 
massage her. By the time I reach for her 
clitoris she is arching her hips to meet 
me. She has even started masturbating 
after “milking” my erection. She also 
likes to lick the fluid off my fingers and 
penis. It is difficult to describe how excit- 
ing this all is, and the more excited I get 
the more fluid I produce. I have read а 
lot of sex books but have never seen any- 
thing about using precome in this man- 
ner. I pass this on to you and your read- 
ers with the hope that it will enhance. 
someone else's sex life as welL—A.J., 
Columbus, Ohio 

Have you ever heard Led Zeppelin's ver- 
sion of "Traveling Riverside Blues"? It 
could be your theme song. "Squeeze my lem- 
on, till the juice runs down my leg/Squeeze it 
so hard, PU fall right out of bed.” The tech- 
nique has other hazards. Foremost is that 
precome contains sperm, which in many cas- 
es isn't something you want to rub too close to 
a woman's reproductive organs. The ure- 
thral glands in most men produce only a few 
drops of precome, so your case is unusual. 
But we're happy to hear you're making the 
most of your natural resources. 


My, girlfriend has hinted that if I ever 
ask her to marry me, she wants the “ask- 
ing of the question" to be particularly 
memorable. I'm ready to ask but can't 
come up with anything that sounds 
great. Do you have any suggestions? — 
С.Т, St. Paul, Minnesota 

We do. What makes a proposal memorable 
is care and attention to detail. The message 
you're trying to send is: “This is important to 
me, so I spent a lot of time working it out." A 
common strategy is to make an inventory of 
places, objects, songs, activities and other 
markers of your relationship, then incorpo- 
rate them into the proposal. Think “thought- 
ful.” The Casanova who wooed Cynthia 
Muchnick, author of "101 Ways to Pop the 
Question," knew she loved Scrabble, so he 
proposed by spelling out WILL YOU MARRY ME 
as they played the game in a sculpture gar- 
den in Paris. Muchnick's book includes oih- 


er sentimental seiups, includiug the guy who 
had himself videotaped bungee jumping 
(taking the plunge”), then holding up cue 
cards to pop the question; the cop who pro- 
posed to a dispatcher by running a license 
check and phonetically spelling out the name 
of the supposed driver: “William Ida Lin- 


сот Lincoln . . .”; and, in a sign of the 
times, the geek who crafted his proposal on a 
World Wide Web page and sent his girl- 
friend the address. She e-mailed back a yes, 
and then they had computer sex. 


WM introduced X-rated videos to our sex 
life about a year ago, and my wife loves 
them. I once asked her what she thinks 
about while I go down on her, and she 
said she recalls fucking scenes from the 
movies. I asked if she fantasizes about 
watching the fucking or about being 
fucked. She said she imagines that the 
guy is fucking her. The problem is that 
the only thing that seems to get her off is 
thinking about fucking someone else. 
My fragile male ego is bruised and I'm 
not certain what to do. Any suggestions? 
My wife was a virgin when we were mar- 
ried. Do you think she wishes she had 
experimented before we met?—G.T., 
‘Trenton, New Jersey 

Perhaps. But don’t overreact. Your wife’s 
fantasies are normal, as is her curiosity. 
Rather than fret that she'll leave you for a 
porn stud, ask her what turns her on about 
the scenes, then re-create them. Naturally, 
you play the guy who fucks her. If she's will- 
ing, take it a step further: Set up a video 
camera and create your own fantasy flick. 


Knowing that something artificial lies 
under the soft skin of a woman's breasts 
turns me off. Yet these days, it seems that 


ILLUSTRATION BY ISTVAN BANYAI 


even the most unsightly, fake-looking sil- 
icone hack jobs get the testosterone boil- 
ing in every guy around. I feel complete- 
ly alone. Are there other men who feel 
the way I do?—V.A., Manchester, New 
Hampshire 

Millions of them. We live in a nation 
where bigger is seen as better, but you aren't 
alone in remembering simpler times. One 
proponent of "natural beauty" is photogra- 
pher Frank Wallis, who rails against bionic 
boobs in his newsletter “The Genuine Arti- 
cle” ($2 cash from PO. Box 641741, San 
Francisco, California 94109). Another re- 
source is а new men’s magazine called 
“Small Tops” ($6 from PO. Box 801434, 
Santa Clarita, California 91380). As for 
PLAYBOY, many of our models have had en- 
hancements—and many haven't. Photogra- 
phy Director Gary Cole notes that breast im- 
plants can work against a woman who 
wants to pose as often as they can help her, 
simply because so many look so fake. 


М, girlfriend and I had dinner at a 
restaurant known for its extra-spicy 
chicken wings. They're so hot the restau- 
rant requires you to sign a waiver when 
you order them. We saved one wing 
for an experiment at home on—you 

uessed it—atomic sex! My girlfriend 
licked at the wing, then went down on 
my thing. How it began to sting! I ran to 
the shower to douse the extreme burn- 
ing but got no relief. Thankfully my girl- 
friend suggested we apply some ice 
cream and chocolate syrup. Should the 
restaurant have included a sexual-use 
warning on its waiver?—M.S., Youngs- 
town, Ohio 

We'd hate to see where you stick your 
jalapenos. The restaurant doesn’t include a 
sexual-use warning because it’s a lawsuit 
we'd all like to see. 


When I'm checking out stereos, 
should I take along jazz and classical mu- 
sic? Га feel kind of silly doing this, since 
I mostly listen to alternative rock. What 
do I care if Miles Davis sounds good on 
the system? I'd rather know that Rancid 
makes my chest vibrate. But my friend 
insists that punk may not be a good test 
for a system. What do you say?—B.B., 
Brooklyn, New York 

Because many people become anxious 
when shopping for stereos (it’s an important 
decision), they take along nuisic they think 
will impress the salesperson. But using jazz 
or classical music to test a system won't help 
much if you don't listen to jazz or classical 
music. On the other hand, you shouldn't de- 
pend on music that all sounds the same, es- 
pecially hard rock, which tends to include ar- 
tificially enhanced bass. Take five familiar 
albums that give you an emotional kick, in- 
cluding one that features male and female 


37 


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There Is a $5.95 shipping and handling charge per total 
order, Illinois residents add 6.75% sales tox. Canadian 
residents please add $3.00 additional per item. Sorry, no 
other foreign orders or currency accepted. 

© 1997 Playboy 


PLAYBOY 


speaking voices. Art Dudley of “Listener” 
magazine suggests playing one selection that 
makes you drive faster and one that makes 
you feel weepy. “Your emotional reaction to 
music as it’s played on a particular system is 
as important as the sonics,” he says. “Good 
music will get you through times of lesser 
sound beiter than good sound will get you 
through times of bad music.” 


Toast weekend my boyfriend and I went 
оп an overnight trip during which we 
weren't able to have sex. We slept in the 
same bed but lacked privacy. On the 
drive home, we discussed our mutual 
frustration and planned all sorts of hot 
encounters. This led to the suggestion 
that I masturbate in the car. It eventual- 
ly became too much and we found the 
nearest rest stop and parked in an isolat- 
ed spot. He leaned over and finished me 
off with his tongue. I returned the favor 
and within five minutes we were back on 
the road, feeling relieved. We're won- 
dering, though, if we violated any 
laws.—S.A., Denver, Colorado 

You'd probably be charged with the petty 
offense of public indecency, defined in Col- 
orado as sexual intercourse (“deviate” or 
otherwise), “a lewd exposure of the body done 
with intent to arouse or to satisfy the sexual 
desire of any person,” or a “lewd fondling or 
caressing of another person.” It was certain- 
ly one or more of the above. Unlike some 
states, Colorado doesn't have statutes ош- 
lawing sex between unmarried people or 
against sodomy (variously defined to include 
oral and/or anal sex), so you're OK there. As 
much fun as your encounter sounds, we 
can't recommend anything that might dis- 
tract the driver of a moving vehicle—and if 
the driver isn’t distracted by a woman mas- 
turbating in the passenger seat, he has big- 
ger problems than the law. 


Wl purchased a dildo for my wife in hopes 
I could add a little spice to our love life. 
We had a great time with it. Our only 
concern is that it has an unpleasant plas- 
tic odor, much like a new shower cur- 
tain. What can we do to neutralize the 
odor?—M.D., Louisville, Kentucky 

The odor should dissipate ajter a few uses. 
One PLAYBOY test subject said she stopped 
noticing it after three immensely pleasurable 
sessions. That they occurred within an hour 
may have dulled her senses, however, so your 
mileage may vary. To help the process along, 
clean the dildo after each erotic adventure 
with a cloth moistened with antiseptic soap, 
alcohol or a product such as For Play Adult 
Toy Cleanser (800-289-8423). Exposing the 
toy to fresh air for a few days will also help. 
If the dildo is made of silicone, run it 
through a cycle in the dishwasher or boil it 
for a few minutes (ask your guests to stay out 
of the kitchen). 


Wehen my wife and I go to ра 
constantly fiddles with my tie. 


40 tioned this to a colleague to see if he'd 


had the same experience (with his wife, 
not mine). He said not to worry about it 
because my tie represents my penis, and 
therefore my wife must adore it. He was 
joking, but it made me wonder if there's 
any truth to his theory.—R.T., Atlanta, 
Georgia 

We like everything about the analogy ex- 
cept the knotting and tugging part. Believe 
it or not, the Guild of British Tie Makers has 
studied the interaction between women and 
men’s ties. “The tie is a very psychological 
garment,” a guild spokesman told a London 
newspaper. "Very simply, it protects the jugu- 
lar. It’s a man's warrior shield. So a woman 
touching a man’s tie in public is a clear sign 
that she is laying claim to him.” According to 
the guild, women employ a variety of neck- 
ware nuances, including the simple touch (to 
gauge a man’s response), the brush (to show 
she is interested), straightening (a sign of her 
desire for intimacy), adjusting (a power 
move), loosening (to lower a man’s defenses, 
possibly to say she's ready for sex), untying 
(staking her claim) and tying (possession, es. 
pecially if she bought the tie). Let's be careful 
out there. 


Ih November you gave excellent advice 
on what to do if you are pulled over by a 
police officer. However, certain peace 
officers in my state enjoy the privilege of 
carrying a firearm while off duty and out 
of uniform. Other states allow private 
citizens to carry concealed weapons. It 
would be in one's best interest to advise 
the officer, up front, that you are armed, 
and provide him proof that you are al- 
lowed to carry a weapon. It is always bet- 
ter, for you and the officer, if the cop 
learns about your weapon from your lips 
rather than by frisking you.—PS., New 
York, N.Y. 

That's a bit of driving etiquette we hadn't 
considered. 


М, wife and I have decided that a 
good incentive to avoid putting on win- 
ter pounds is to plan an end-of-winter 
vacation to an island or resort where lit- 
tle clothing is needed. Can you provide 
any üps on exotic locations where nudity. 
on beaches and in other public areas is 
considered matter of course? —M.H., 
Portland, Oregon 

Chasing that all-over tan? Some resorts in 
the Caribbean (most are on Jamaica and St. 
Martin) cater to vacationers who pach light- 
ly. Generally they allow nudity on their pri- 
vate beaches but expect you to put on your 
pants for dinner. If you'd like to go every- 
where naked, Lee Baxandall, author of the 
“World Guide to Nude Beaches and Re- 
sorts,” recommends Hotel Club Oriënt on St. 
Martin, which was the Caribbean's first ful- 
ly “clothes optional" resort when it opened in 
1978. You can book through specialty travel 
agencies such as Bare Necessities (800-743- 
0405), which also arranges two to three 
clothes-oplional cruises а year. Baxandall's 
guide is $32 postpaid [rom the Naturist Sc- 


ciety, PO. Box 132, Oshkosh, Wisconsin 
54902. It’s not pocket-size—but who cares? 


My boyfriend lost his two front teeth 
during a touch football game. Though 
initially disheartened, we were pleased. 
to discover that his accident made him. 
better at oral sex. He positions his gap 
directly on top of my ditoris, then uses 
his tongue to flick my clit between his 
teeth. My orgasms have been intense. 
But something concerns me: I've heard 
that the nerve endings in the gums are 
among the most sensitive in the body. Is 
my boyfriend at risk when his exposed 
gums make contact with me?—H.R., Bos- 
ton, Massachusetts 

The gums toughen after the loss of a 
tooth—if your boyfriend would like to keep 
the gap in the bedroom but lose it in his 
smile, have him ask his dentist about falsies 
(known in the biz as a “flipper”). You should 
also be aware that HIV can be transmitted 
through contact between vaginal fluid and 
damaged gums. But assuming you're both 
monogamous and haven't been exposed to 
the virus, there isn’t any rish. 


Why do so many women in adult films 
wear high heels? (I'm not complaining.) 
Also, when were they invented?—C.]., 
Sacramento, California 

A porn actress wears high heels for the 
same reason as any woman who's trying to 
catch a man’s altention—heels lengthen the 
legs and, as one observer notes, “turn a 
woman's hips and bottom into an erotic mo- 
bile as she walks.” Heels also create a frail 
gait that makes a woman appear vulnerable. 
In the same vein, William Rossi writes in his 
1976 book “The Sex Life of the Foot and 
Shoe” that some men find it arousing to 
learn that a woman is wearing painful shoes. 
Hints of light bondage? The stiletto heel you 
often see in erotica was introduced around 
1955, but sexy heels have been around for 
centuries. In the 17th century, the British 
Parliament decreed that “any woman who, 
through the use of high-heeled shoes or other 
devices, leads a subject of Her Majesty into 
marriage shall be punished with the penal- 
ties of witchery.” We're spellbound. 


All reasonable questions—from fashion, food 
and drink, stereo and sports cars to dat- 
ing dilemmas, taste and etiquetie—will be 
personally answered if the writer includes a 
self-addressed, stamped envelope. The most 
provocative, pertinent questions will be pre- 
sented in these pages each month. Send all 
letters to the Playboy Advisor, PLAYBOY, 680 
North Lake Shore Drive, Chicago, Illinois 
60611. Look for responses to our most fre- 
quently asked questions on the World Wide 
Web at www.playboy.com/fag, or check out 
the Advisor’s new book, “365 Ways to Im- 
prove Your Sex Life” (Plume), available in 
bookstores or by phoning 800-423-9494. 


THE PLAYBOY FORUM 


TESTING THE RULES 


is the popular how-to-catch-a-man book really the secret to 
everlasting love? we checked it against some classic romances 


“Do the rules and you'll live happily 
ever after!” (Rule 33) 
CINDERELLA 

"Men like women who wear fash- 
ionable, sexy clothes in bright colors," 
and despite great obstacles, Cinderel- 
la arrives at the prince’s ball in gold 
and silver. Per rule 20, Cindy doesn't 
“give away any information that is not 
absolutely necessary —including her 
name. She waits for Charming to ask 
her to dance (rule 2), though she 
bends rule 1 by dancing with him all 
night instead of saying, “I think I'll 
walk around now.” Most important, 
Cinderella obeys rule 11, “Always end 
the date first,” even though she does 
so by dramatically fleeing rather than 
exiting casually. Her biggest misstep 
is attending the ball two nights in a 
row, thus breaking rule 13—“Don't 
see him more than 
once or twice a 
week for the first 
month.” 


ROMEO AND JULIET 


Forget the star- 
cross’d love. Ro- 
meo's and Juliet's 
tragic ends can be 
traced directly to 
her flouting of The 
Rules. Julict starts 
off on the right 
foot, playing hard 
to get. Lacking the 
technology that 
would allow her to 
“turn off your an- 
swering machine 
on a Sunday afternoon and see if he 
doesn't go crazy trying to pin you 
down" (rule 6), she instead positions 
herself behind an angry father and 
treacherous orchard walls. It's down- 
hill from there. She egregiously de- 
votes “too much feeling, investment 
or heart” on the first three dates, vio- 
lating rule 9. Calling Romeo “the god 
of my idolatry” to his face isn't exactly 
nonchalant. And rather than letting 
her young lover take the lead (rule 
17), she almost immediately brings 
up marriage. No, no, no! Even af- 
ter Romeo—God knows why—agrees 
to marriage, Juliet scoffs at rule 15: 


"Don't cling to him if he has to leave 
that night or the following morn- 
ing.” How many times can she whine 
"Stay but a little”—especially if he 
risks death by sticking around? 


CASABLANCA 


Ilsa is in trouble from the moment 
she badgers Sam into playing a song 
that Rick would rather not hear. “Let 
him pick most of the movies, the 
restaurants and the concerts,” intones 
rule 17. Later, Ша pleads with Rick to 
give her two letters of transit, violat- 
ing rule 16, "Don't tell him what to 
do." To get her way she calls him "a 
coward and a weakling" and draws a 
gun. She is, in other words, "too seri- 
ous, controlling or wifely.” How did 
Ilsa ever get Rick's attention in the 
first place? She did it, as we learn 


from their earlier affair in Paris, by 
starting out as the consummate Rules 
Girl. “Who are you really, and what 
were you before?” Rick had asked. 
“We said no questions,” Ilsa replied, 
being “honest but mysterious” (rule 
20). Leaving Rick stranded at the 
train station is the ultimate “men love 
a challenge” trick. Unfortunately, Ilsa 
blows it by returning Rick's gaze as 
she leaves Casablanca. “It is never 
necessary to make eye contact,” ac- 


By DANIEL RADOSH 


cording to rule 3. Here’s looking at 
you, indeed. 


GONE WITH THE WIND 


Poor Scarlett O'Hara. Breezy and 
flirtatious when there’s nothing at 
stake, she’s a natural Rules Girl with 
every man except the one she wants 
to marry. "It's easy to do The Rules 
with men you're not that interested. 
in," confirms The Rules. "Sometimes 
your indifierence makes men so crazy 
about you that you end up marrying 
one of them." Scarlett's many suitors 
and husbands would agree that her 
indifference drove them wild. When 
it comes to Ashley Wilkes, the man 
she really desires, Scarlett is too ag- 
gressive, cornering him repeatedly 
to bring up marriage. She contin- 
ues to pursue him despite rule 23 
“Don't date a mar- 
ned man,” which 
points out, fairly 
accurately in this 
case, that “by the 
end, you are wish- 
ing his wife would 
die.” Meanwhile, 
Scarlett follows 
Extreme Rules 
with Rhett Butler, 
displaying not just 
indifference but 
active loathing. 
The Rules suggests 
being “a little dis- 
tant and difficult,” 
and Rhett seems to 
eat that up until 
Scarlett admits her 


love and he bolts. 
DREAM OF JEANNIE 


Ever wonder why it took Jeannie 
five seasons to marry Major Nelson? 
Should she have let him see her 
navel? No, she should have done a 
better job of following The Rules. “The 
biggest mistake a woman can make 
when she meets a man she wants to 
marry is to make him the center of 
her life." Rule 2 states: “Don't talk to a 
man first. Not even “Let's have cof- 
fce." Presumably, saying "Your wi: 
is my command" and calling him 
"Master" are both serious fouls. 


4l 


JAILBAIT 
True, many teenage girls 
equate physical intimacy with 
emotional commitment (“Jail- 
bait,” The Playboy Forum, Janu- 
ary). But that doesn't mean 
they've turned their vaginas in- 
to mantraps. Rather, they enter 
into such relationships in hopes 
of winning the devotion of a 
boyfriend whose primary focus 
is to satisfy a sexual itch. What 
usually comes out of these 
unions is rejection, remorse 
and unwanted pregnancies, As 
for the gender issue, while most 
of the partners who qualify as 
jailbait are girls, boys can be 
victims of older women looking 
to boost their egos. The results 
can be equally devastating, as in 
the case of a 15-year-old Cali- 
fornia boy who had an affair 
with his 34-year-old neighbor. 
Asa result, she had a baby and 
the 15-year-old was hauled in- 
to court for child support at 
the same time the woman was 
found guilty of statutory rape. 
Before we can address the issue 
of age of consent, we must be 
dear on what we're permitting 
teens to consent to. 
Stacey Burt 
Chicago, Illinois 


А new study from the Population 
Council in New York took a look at 
childbearing trends in this country and 
discovered that even though American 
teens begin having sex at ages similar 
to teens in other countries, the rate of 
contraceptive use here is lower. The 
reason? Our social environment, which 
romanticizes sexual activity to a point 
that makes responsible sexual behavior 
difficult. The study considered other 
factors, such as race and disparities in 
skills and education, but the impact of 
insufficient sexual education cannot be 
emphasized enough. 

‘June Copie 
Alameda, California 


Stephanie Goldberg’s “Jailbait” raises 
an important question: What can law- 
makers do to combat teen pregnancy? I 
agree that sorne teenage girls use sex as 
a bartering tool with older men. But 
what about the financial rewards of 
sleeping with an older man? And what. 
about the thousands of girls who get 


themselves as 


EX WORKER VERONICA MONET, WRITING IN THE 


Na 
fs 


SEX ZINE Black Sheets 


> 


pregnant to gain status among their 
peers? Some want a baby so they will 
qualify for welfare and other financial 
assistance. No wonder there are so 
many unwed teen mothers perpetuat- 
ing the cycle of poverty in America. 

Hunt Wiley 

San Diego, California 


It's interesting that nobody seems to 
want to point the finger where it needs 
to be pointed. The flower power Sixties 
generation, with its sex, drugsand rock 
and roll, decided that children needed 
to be emancipated from the tyranny of 
parental control and allowed to make 
decisions for themselves. So, as mem- 
bers of the Sixties generation gained 
political power, they instituted their lib- 
eral social visions. What we end up 
with is a society that makes it damn 
near impossible to curb hedonistic be- 
havior in our children. Adults should 
realize that a driver's license doesn't 
qualify a child to make adult choices. 
It's time to start treating our children 


es as being in a position to grant 
е their seal of approval or forgiveness. What 
= E 


like children again. Empower- 
ing them only allows them to 
screw up their lives with child- 
ish mistakes. 

Scan Davis 

Selah, Washington 


Тат of the mind that there 
is neither rhyme nor reason to 
our arbitrary age-of-consent 
laws. Some 17- and 18-year- 
olds are more immature than 
any 14-year-old could ever be 
There are many societies in 
which arranged marriages be- 
tween older men and young 
girls take place with the bless- 
ing of all concerned. The issue 
of matrimony in cases like that 
| should be decided by the fam- 
ilies involved, not some ex- 
ternal, outdated law that has 
nothing to do with the specific 
circumstances. 

John Cole 
Houston, Texas 

Where such marriages routinely 
take place, the law supports the cus- 
tom tut not elsewhere. An Islamic 
man in Nebraska arranged mar- 
riages for his 13- and 14-year-old 
daughters lo two Iraqi men (ages 
34 and 28). The father claimed 
that the marriages were legitimate 
according to Islamic law. Nebraska 
officials didn’t agree. Neither did 
one of the daughters, who ran away to join 
her boyfriend. In accordance with Nebraska 
law, the parents were charged with con- 
tributing lo the delinquency of a minor. The 
grooms were charged with first-degree sexual 
assault of a child and face possible sentences 


of 50 years. 


“Jailbait” offers а lot of reasons why 
young girls have relationships (and of- 
ten babies) with older partners. But I 
am convinced that the biggest influ- 
ence on such behavior is television. A 
tremendous amount of innuendo and 
countless sexual scenarios have crept 
into prime time—specifically the hour 
between seven and eight rM, suppos- 
edly reserved for family viewing. Chil- 
dren as young as eight have no trouble 
deciphering jokes about whipped 
cream and losing one’s virginity, not to 
mention the many instances of passion- 
ate kissing and suggestive pillow-talk. 
If children are exposed to these refer- 
ences at such a tender age, is it any 
wonder they start to explore their own 


sexuality earlier than the preceding 
generation? 

Mack Jackson. 

San Jose, California 


In “Jailbait” you criticize George Will 
for detailing serious societal problems, 
and in doing so you appear to condone 
teenage sex. We conservatives really 
like sex but believe there need to be re- 
sponsible limits on behavior. How do 
you decide on an age of consent? It is 
not easy—the article is right, not every- 
one matures at the same rate. But it’s 
dangerous to think that a 25-year-old 
getting a 15-year-old pregnant is no 
big deal. To characterize as discrimina- 
tory the attempts to curb sexuality be- 
cause those targeted are poor or young 
is idiotic. Society should try to stop the 
actions of those who lack the maturity 
to see the long-range consequences of 
their bad choices. Does anyone fully 
understand the world at 15? This atti- 
tude of unconditional freedom is folly 
for an already declining society. It's OK 
to have standards! 

Rich Krissel 
Detroit, Michigan 


FROGS AND SUDS 
I want to do it froggy style! 
Where can 1 get some of that Bad 
Frog beer (“Froggy Style," The 
Playboy Forum, January)? 
Jesse Johnson 
Atlanta, Georgia 
For more information on the brew and 
related items (T-shirts, glassware, hats, 
banners and buttons), check out the Bad 
Frog Brewery Web site at wurw.thewild.com/ 
badfrog/ or phone 888-223-3764. 


SAME-SEX SUPPORT 
Who is Nancy Roberts to say that ho- 
mosexuality is not acceptable as a part 
of the American way of life (“Weider's 
World,” Reader Response, January)? If 
people can find love in a world made 
hateful by the rigid beliefs of some, 
who do they harm? The pursuit of hap- 
piness—homosexual or otherwise—is 
part of our constitutional rights. 
Crystal Kimball 
Greenville, South Carolina 


SOLO SEX 
Thad just finished masturbating and 
was getting on with my day when I 
received “The Joy of (Solo) Sex” (The 
Playboy Forum, January) in the mail 


from a friend. T found it really inspir- - 


ing. If children were taught early on 
that masturbation is a wonderful tool 
with which to have fun, love yourself, 
fight boredom and manage stress, they 
would grow up to be balanced adults 
with no problems of low self-esteem. 
"Thanks again for Chip Rowe's wonder- 
ful article—I'll look up the reference 
books for good bedtime reading. 
Diane Quesnel 
Montreal, Quebec 


"Thanks so very much for the fantas- 
tic article about masturbation. and, of 


as ours. Yet, when we go to trade 
shows, the individuals buying for those 
same stores and wholesalers personally 
admire our books. They effectively act 
as censors for their customers. Our 
Web page (www.goodvibes.com/dtp/ 
dtp.html) has more information about 
First Person Sexual. The book can be or- 
dered by calling 800-289-8423. 

Leigh Davidson 

Managing Editor 

Down There Press 

San Francisco, California 


course, your extensive inclusion of First 
Person Sexual. Thanks, too, for refer- 
ring readers to us. Although our books 
are certainly available to bookstores, 
we've found that stores and whole- 
salers are often reluctant to order or 
stock books with sexual content as di- 
rect and—yes, good word—unabashed 


We would like to hear your point of view. 
Send questions, opinions and quirky stuff 
to: The Playboy Forum Reader Response, 
PLAYBOY, 680 North Lake Shore Drive, 
Chicago, Illinois 60611. Please include 
а daytime phone number. Fax number: 
312-951-2939. E-mail: forum@playboy. 
com (please include your city and state). 


FORUM 


n female Experie 


/ of pornography 


edited 


Cherie Matrix 


nce 


“l like to make a differenti- 
ation between what 1 call 
pornographic sex and inti- 
mate sex. Porno sex is high- 
ly visual, picturesque: beau- 
tiful blow jobs, him coming 
over my face, me squatting 
over him, doing it on a fire 
escape. Part of the thrill is 
the scene you are project- 
ing. Flexing your muscles 
or stretching your neck, 
or getting squirted on, 
creates incredible im- 
ages that make you feel 
wonderful. 

"Intimate sex, on the 
other hand, can be just 
as hot, or more so, but 
provides none of the 
above. All the tension 

is going on between 

you, enclosed by your 
passion. Similarly, re- 
lationships can be 


pornographic, when you share 


your wildest fantasies and plan sexual escapades. They 
can also be intimate, when you share your lust dreamily, and only 
want to hold hands, cuddle and smooch." 
—Author Tuppy Owens, from Tales From the Clit: A Female Experi- 
ence of Pornography, edited by Cherie Matrix 


43 


44 


Certain members of Congress and 
the religious right have been com- 
plaining loudly about the offen- 
siue, disgusting, morally corrupt 
sites on the Internet. We found 


some too. 


American Family 

Association Inc. 

Attp://wurw.afa.net 
For years, the American Fam- 
ily Association’s monthly 
newsletter, the AFA Journal, 
has been the sex addict’s guide to 
prime-time television. Besides its rich 
headlines (SUSPICIOUS MINDS SAY NO TO 
LESBIAN ELVIS, DR. DEATH WANTS ORGAN 
AUCTIONS), the Reverend Donald E. 
Wildmon's mouthpiece offers a regular 
rundown of the juiciest parts of TV's 
most popular shows (“Roseanne hires 
male strippers for a homosexual wed- 
ding," "Jerry and his friends use words 
bas—-d 15 times and son of a bi--h 12 
Чтез”). The organization also con- 
ducts exhaustive research, tallying 
16,822 sex acts on prime time over the 
course ofa year. A click away, the AFA's 
Outreach area includes a checklist of. 
behavior pointing to pornography ad- 
diction (“He stays up late to watch tele- 
vision”) and intervention techniques 
(‘Joe, the fact that our long-distance 
service has been canceled because of 
outstanding 900 bills makes me feel ex- 
tremely angry and upset"). And while 
the Reyerend Wildmon reserves most 
of his moral indignation for the enter- 
tainment industry, he also isn't fond of 
gay people. Among other perversions 
at the site, “Homosexuality in America: 
Exposing the Myths” claims that 17 
percent of gay men eat or rub them- 
selves with feces, 29 percent urinate on 
their partners and 15 percent have sex 
with animals. For obvious reasons, this 
site is not appropriate for children. 


The Andrea Dworkin Web Site 
hitp://unuw.ige ape orghwomensnet/dworkin 
In real life, Andrea Dworkin is a male- 
basher who haphazardly links sexual 
images to rape. Like every nerd with 
an overwrought virtual identity, the 
digital Dworkin is presented as an elo- 
quent visionary and anticensorship 
crusader. But the soft pink back- 
grounds can't disguise her core belief 
that men are oppressors and women 
are victims. The site includes lowlights 


WEB SITES 


OF THE 
WEIRD 


the vilest sites on the web 


from Dworkin’s many rambling, non- 
sensical books, interviews and speech- 
es, including classic hyperbole such as 
“violence is male, the male is the penis, 
violence is the penis,” “men use sex to 
hurt us” and “pornography is sex dis- 
crimination.” The tone of the site is de- 
fensive: Dworkin chastises PLAYBOY and 
others for misquoting her. She never 
said “all sex is rape,” for example. In- 
stead, intercourse is merely “а viola- 
tion.” Especially if you're married: “It 
is impossible to view sexual intercourse 
in marriage as the free act of a free 
woman,” writes Dworkin. We're as con- 
fused as yon are. 


Antipas’ Home Page 
http:/ururw-personal ksu.edu/~antipas 
This surreal, hate-filled site is main- 
tained by college student Ben Phelps, 
grandson of homophobic pastor Fred 
Phelps of the Westboro Baptist Church 
in Topeka, Kansas. It includes Ben's 
photos of granddad brandishing cop 
HATES FAGS and THANK GOD FOR AIDS plac- 
ards, "two of my sisters picketing," "a 
picture of me at a Chicago fag parade 
picket" and the classic "picket on top of 

a fag's grave." Lovely. 


Christian Coalition 
husp://cc.org 
Afraid your congressman might be Sa- 
tan? Visit the coalition's helpful politi- 
cal scorecard and separate the righ- 
teous from the wicked by their votes on 
such vital issues as school prayer and 
“promoting homosexuality to school- 
children." Before it was redesigned, 
you could also read coalition president 


— — By CHIP ROWE—— 


Г HNAXXE] —— | 


Pat Robertson's responses to 
made-up questions about his 
views on the issues ("Pat, 
what do you think of recent 
proposals to increase defense 
spending?") or a scathing cri- 
tique of an Anti-Defamation 
League report that conclud- 
ed the religious right is intol- 
erant (the coalition's 
sponse: "We are not!") 
There's also a nifty voice-of- 
God audio file in which 
Ralph Reed welcomes you to 
the site—though there's no 
mention of his recent claim 
on Nightline that “a quarter of all im- 
ages on the Internet involve the tor- 
ture of women." Maybe he forgot 


le Forum 
http:/fuuru.basenei.net/—eagle 

Phyllis Schlafly, who was pushing “tra- 
ditional family values" before it was 
hip, lays down the law at her digital 
hearth. She opposes schools that teach 
about "explicit sex or alternate life- 
styles, profane or immoral fiction or 
videos, New Age practices, antibiblical 
materials or politically correct liberal 
attitudes about social or economic 
sues.” She opposes “weakening the mil- 
itary by putting women and open ho- 
mosexuals in combat assignments.” 
She opposes the Equal Rights Amend- 
ment and “radical feminists” who use 
“Anita Hill-style tactics against men.” 
But don't think Schlafly is too negative: 
The famous hawk does support Ameri- 
ca's need for a “strong ballistic missile 
defense” and sex education that em- 
phasizes “character” instead of con- 
doms. Schlafly also takes the coura- 
geous position that every child should 
be taught to read (especially if mom 
and dad order Schlafly's $80 learn-to- 
read system). What they're allowed to 
read is another matter. 


Family Research Council 
hith://uurw.fre.org 
Devoted to defending and promoting 
“the traditional family unit and the 
n principles upon which 
y” the Family Research Council 
lobbies Congress and the media to take 
up its right-wing agenda and “promote 
biblical principles." The site includes 
a stock photo of a woman looking 


through a microscope, next to the 
headline wHo ts FRC? She's apparently 
searching for arguments so narrow 
they can't be seen by the naked eye. 
The FRC wants to defund PBS because 
it broadcasts programs that “attack 
family, religion, sexual morality and 
free enterprise”; put a stop to sex edu- 
cation which teaches that “any sexual 
behavior between consenting people is 
a human right"; prevent homosexual 
marriage so the door isn't opened for 
pedophiles to wed children; and cen- 
sor pornography because it typically 
depicts “bondage, mutilation, torture, 
bestiality and others.” Others? 


Institute for Media Education 

hitp:/fuww.iglou.comifirst-principles 
She's back! The IME site, 
launched by “sexologist” Ju- a 
dith Reisman, includes an 
abstract from Reisman's dis- 
credited and incredibly | 
hokey 1989 study, Images of 
Children, Crime and Violence in| 
PLAYBOY, Penthouse and Hus- | 
tler, which was funded by the | 
Justice Department After 
flipping through several 
hundred issues of these mag- 
azines, Reisman claimed she 
had seen nearly 1000 “sexual 
scenarios including children 
with adults,” 14,854 “images 
of crime and violence” and 
6004 “child images,” primar- | 
ily of girls ages 3 to 11. Did 
We miss something? This site 
also archives classic Reisman 
rants, such as her disgust 
with public service ads about 
condoms because they “pro- 
mote sexual intercourse to 
children” (defined by Reis- 
man as those between 18 
and 95 years old). She be- 
moans the fact that the 
condom ads do not men- 
tion "the sober and pro- 
found words upon which Western civi- 
lization was built: ‘Will you marry 
те?” That's funny—we thought those 
words were, “Get off our land." 


National Right to Life Committee 
hutp://www.nrle.org 
Programmers can create amazing 
things with animated online graphics, 
including images of envelopes flying 


into mailboxes and cartoon characters 
doing jigs. The NRLC hops on the 
bandwagon with a tiny animation of — 
you guessed it!—a partial-birth abor- 
tion. And don't forget to look over the 
fact sheets, including one stating that 
since 1973 200 women have died while 
undergoing abortions. There's no esti- 
mate, of course, of how many would be 
dead if abortions were illegal. Nor is 
there a lick of information about the 
easiest way yet to prevent abortions— 
effective and accessible birth control. 
How about an animated condom? 


Struggling With Pornography 
Attp://wurw.rsts.net/topics/porn.html 
In 1994 the author of this site posted to 
a Christian newsgroup, asking for help 


overcoming “sex sins.” Among the sug- 
gestions that poured in: Do more char- 
ity work; acknowledge that porn causes 
rape, sodomy, adultery and pedophil- 
ia; confess everything to your wife; 
vandalize hotel televisions so you won't 
order dirty movies; join Sex and Love 
Addicts Anonymous; and purge your 
life of all forms of erotica. "Even maga- 
zines like ғілувоу lead people into 
more violent forms of pornography," 
warns one confused surfer who "start- 
ed off looking at PLAYBOY but pro- 


gressed to Penthouse and XXX videos." 
"The suggestions are all appreciated, 
but the humble creator of the site hasa 
better solution: Send cash! For just 
$12.95 (plus shipping and handling) 
you can own a copy of Sixty Days to Free- 
dom, a quick fix for the “discasc, un- 
wanted pregnancy and severe psycho- 
logical damage" caused when you 
watch people have sex. Each day's testi- 
monial includes Bible verses and study 
questions such as "How do you refute 
the pornographers' claim to be pro- 
tecting our freedoms?" You're also 
asked to "put your initials in the box if 
you made it through the day without 
partaking in sexual sin. If you fell to- 
day, return to day one." That's what we 
call tough self-love. 


Traditional Values Coalition 
tpzlfwwutraditionalvalues.org 
Led by Wildmon wannabe 
Lou Sheldon, the Traditional 
Values Coalition 15 а “grass- 
roots lobby organization” es- 
tablished to “preserve the 
Judeo-Christian ethics upon 
which America was founded" 
(sound familiar?). According 
to the Reverend Sheldon, the 
separation of church and state 
espoused by Thomas Jefferson 
has been “perverted” to isolate 
churches from their prophetic 
roles as political action com- 
mittees. The IRS might be 
terested in the group’s in- 
formative FAQ about how 
churches can jump into the 
political arena without threat- 
ening their tax-exempt status. 
Sheldon suggests that pastors 
should organize candidate 
forums ("it's not the church's 
fault if all candidates do 
not show up"), introduce 
anointed candidates at 
services and let them 
read from the Bible or 
present a sermon, share church mem- 
bership rolls for candidate mailings, 
publish voting guides with money from 
the offering plate and, of course, pray 
hard. Naturally, churches are more 
than welcome to contribute five per- 
cent of their income to Sheldon so he 
can lobby on their behalf—a bargain, 
since God asks for ten. 


45 


46 


| МН e  — 


PRISON SENTENCES OF THE 


od bless the war on drugs. 
It has given us rhetorical 
overkill: politicians calling 
for drug users to be taken 
out and shot. Who can forget 
when former drug czar William Ben- 
nett endorsed the beheading of drug 
dealers? 

It has also given us a new scheme of 
family values and tough love: Uncle 
Sam—not father —knows best. If you 
can't kcep your kids off drugs, the gov- 
ernment will. Washington has churned 
out law after law mandating harsher 
penalties and longer prison terms for 
anyone involved with illicit substances. 
‘The war on drugs has resulted in the 
imprisonment of more than 300,000 
people during the past decade. In 
1995 the average federal sentence for 
“low-level” drug-trafficking offenders, 
according to the Department of Jus- 
tice, was 70.5 months (of which a pris- 
oner will typically serve nearly five 
years). The war on drugs has destroyed 
families across the nation or, should we 
say, it has destroyed some families. 

For all the tough talk and tough love, 
what happens when the wayward sons, 
daughters and spouses of politicians 
run afoul of the law? As many well-con- 
nected Washingtonians suddenly re- 
member, sometimes the highest ele- 
ment of justice is mercy. 

© In June 1993 Richard Riley Jr., son 
of Education Secretary Richard Riley, 
received a sentence of six months’ 
house arrest for conspiring to sell up to 
25 grams of cocaine and 100 grams of 
marijuana. Seven months earlier Riley 
had been indicted by a federal grand 
jury in Greenville, South Carolina and 
charged, along with 18 others, with dis- 
tributing cocaine and marijuana, con- 
spiring to possess cocaine and marijua- 
na and conspiring to possess those 
drugs with the intent to distribute 
them. The initial charges carried a 
penalty of ten years to life in prison. Ri- 
ley's light sentence allowed him to con- 
tinue his work at an environmental 
consulting firm, helping to do good 
deeds and save the world. Riley Sr. has 
since become one of the most promi- 
nent antidrug spokesmen of the Clin- 
ton administration. 

*In June 1990 Gayle Rosten, the 
daughter of then-House Ways and 


justice has o double standord 


Means Committee chairman Dan Ros- 
tenkowski (D-Ill.), was busted and 
charged with possession of 29 grams of 
cocaine with intent to deliver. Rosten 
could have been sentenced to up to 15 
years in prison, but she pleaded guilty 
to a lesser charge and instead was sen- 
tenced to three years' probation and 20 
hours of public service. She paid a fine 
of $2800 and forfeited the car in which 
the cocaine was found when she was 
arrested. 

"Three years later Rosten was busted 
again after police found a gram of co- 
caine in her possession; her car had 
been searched after she allegedly ran a 
stop sign. Since Rosten was still on pro- 


The war on 
drugs has 
imprisoned more 
than 300,000 
people. 


bation from the earlier conviction, she 
could have been sentenced to up to 
three years in prison. Chicago Nar- 
cotics Court Judge Oliver Spurlock dis- 
missed the charge against Rosten, giv- 
ing no reason for his decision to set her 
free. The charge was reinstated after 
Rosten was indicted by a county grand 
jury. On April 12, 1994 Cook County 
Circuit Judge Michael Toomin ruled 
that the search of Rosten had been ille- 
gal, yet ruled that packets containing 
cocaine supposedly “dropped” by two 
passengers in her car was admissible 
evidence—against the passengers. Ros- 
ten walked again. 

* Cindy McCain, the wife of Senator 
John McCain (R-Ariz.), admitted steal- 
ing Percocet and Vicodin from the 
American Voluntary Medical Team, an 


organization that aids Third World 
countries. Percocet and Vicodin are 
schedule 2 drugs, in the same legal cat- 
egory as opium. Each pill theft carries a 
penalty of one year in prison and a 
monetary fine. McCain stole the pills 
over several years. She became addict- 
ed to the drugs after undergoing back 
surgery. 

But rather than face prosecution, 
McCain was allowed to enter a pretrial 
diversion program and escaped with 
no blemish on her record. McCain did 
suffer from the incident, though: 
Shortly after the scandal broke, a Vari- 
ety Club of Arizona ceremony at which 
she was to receive a humanitarian of 
the year award for her work with the 
medical team was canceled because of 
poor ticket sales. 

As one editorial writer in The Arizona 
Republic noted: “Conservative Republi- 
cans seemed to achieve some sort of 
drug-rchab cpiphany when Ms. Mc- 
Cain made her announcement. Politi- 
cians who had never uttered a single 
positive sentence about drug-preven- 
tion, -rehabilitation or -diversion pro- 
grams suddenly thought they were just 
fine. Newspapers that often used 
words such as drug addict and thug as 
describing the same person suddenly 
had a new sensitivity to the problem. It 
seems that when Bill Clinton proposes 
significant drug rehabilitation and di- 
version, it is called a failed social pro- 
gram of the Sixties. When Cindy 
McCain needs one of those programs, 
they suddenly became an essential in- 
gredient in fighting drug use.” 

*Dan Burton II, the 18-year-old 
son of Representative Dan Burton 
(R-Ind.), was busted in January 1994 
in Louisiana on charges of possession 
of marijuana with intent to distribute 
while allegedly transporting seven 
pounds of pot in a car from Texas to 
Indiana. According to the Baton 
Rouge Advocate, Burton and a friend 
[allegedly] told agents that they heard 
marijuana was cheap in Houston, 
where they allegedly purchased the 
pot. The pair were coming from Hous- 
ton, where they paid $6000 for the 
drugs." Even though Burton was in- 
volved in an interstate crime, his case 
was handled solely by officials in 
Louisiana. He pleaded guilty to felony 


POLITICALLY CONNECTED 


charges of possession of marijuana with 
intent to distribute, and, instead of fac- 
ing ten to 16 months in federal prison, 
Burton was sentenced to only five 
years' probation, 2000 hours of com- 
munity service, three years of house ar- 
rest and random drug screening. After 
the arrest was made public, Congress- 
man Burton declared: "Any time one of 
your children gets into this kind of 
trouble, it's horrible for the parents 
and for the whole family." 

Five months later young Burton was 
busted again afier police found 30 
marijuana plants in his apartment in 
Indianapolis. They also found a shot- 
gun. Under federal mandatory-mini- 
mum rules, that should have 
guaranteed him at least five years 
in federal prison, as well as a year 
or more for his arrest while on 
probation for a previous drug 
charge. However, the case was 
again processed in the state sys- 
tem, where the penalties are sig- 
nificantly lighter. In a federal 
case, 30 pot plants are the equiva- 
lent of three kilograms of dope. 
State prosecutors decided that the 
total weight of the marijuana 
from the 30 plants was 25 grams. 
thus reducing the charge to a 
misdemeanor. 

Under an agreement whereby 
Burton pleaded guilty to the 
charges in Louisiana, an Indiana 
prosecutor threw out all charges 
against him, saying, "I didn't see 
any sense in putting him on pro- 
bation a second time.” Once 
again, Dan IJ walked—unlike the 
roughly 37,000 other Americans in 
prison for marijuana crimes. 

e In 1993 John Murtha, the 35-year- 
old son of Representative John Murtha 
(D-Pa.), received a sentence of 11 to 23 
months in jail after pleading guilty to 
selling a gram of cocaine to a narc. 
Murtha had been busted for two bur- 
glaries in 1980 and for armed robbery 
in 1985. He had served four years in 
prison and was on parole at the time of 
his arrest. He could have faced more 
than ten years in prison if he'd been 
prosecuted under federal guidelines. 
Had the crime occurred in a "three- 
strikes-and-you're-out" state, he would 
have faced life imprisonment. 


By JAMES BOVARD 


According to the Pittsburgh Post- 
Gazette, the judge allowed Murtha to 
temporarily withdraw a plea bargain 
and resubmit it at a later date so he 
could enter the jail's school-release 
program and continue his education. 
The judge felt that a college degree 
would offer Murtha a better chance at 
rehabilitation. 

* Оп August 16, 1991 Susan Gallo, 
the 38-year-old daughter of Represen- 
tative Dean Gallo (R-N.].), was busted 
for her supposed role in a drug ring 
that sold $16,000 worth of cocaine to 
narcotics agents. Gallo was charged 
with five counts of cocaine possession, 
five counts of intent to distribute, five 


counts of distribution and five counts 
of conspiracy. Each charge could have 
carried a sentence of five to ten years in 
prison. In December 1991 she pleaded 
guilty to one count of distribution and 
one count of conspiracy to distribute 
cocaine. At thc same timc, her father 
announced she had just completed a 
drug-rehab program and was living in 
a halfway house. The congressman an- 
nounced, "I'm very proud of her effort 
to rehabilitate and her acknowledg- 
ment of the seriousness of her prob- 
lem.” She was sentenced to five years’ 
probation in September 1992. 

* Warren Bachus, the 19-year-old 
son of Congressman Spencer Bachus 
(R-Ala.), was busted on June 19, 1993 


for second-degree possession of mari- 
juana and possession of drug para- 
phernalia. Rather than being convicted 
and sentenced to jail, he was set free in 
a “pretrial diversion remedy.” Bachus 
had to pay $56 in court expenses and 
was required to submit twice to drug 
testing in the following six months. 

*In 1993 Josef Hinchey, the 26- 
year-old son of Congressman Maurice 
Hinchey (D-N.Y.), was busted along 
with more than a score of accomplices 
for allegedly running a drug ring in 
upstate New York. Hinchey was ac- 
cused of possession with intent to dis- 
tribute individual cocaine doses, a 
crime punishable by up to 20 years in 
prison. Hinchey pleaded guilty to 
one count of conspiracy to distrib- 
ute cocaine and was sentenced to 
13 months in prison, with the 
term suspended until he complet- 
ed a drug-treatment program. 

*Pcrhaps the most spccial 
treatment was granted to the son 
of Vice President Al Gore. It was 
reported in the foreign press that 
13-year-old Al Gore III was 
caught smoking what appeared to 
be marijuana by school authori- 
ties at the exclusive St. Alban's 
School. Al IIT was suspended as a 
result of the offense while his fa- 
ther managed to suppress the sto- 
ry. The Daily Telegraph of London 
noted: “The crusading American 
media and Washington's political 
elite have closed ranks to protect 
Vice President Gore from embar- 
rassment over his teenage son's 
indiscretion." If what young Gore was 
smoking was indeed marijuana and he 
had been busted for possession. that 
could have resulted in fingerprinting, 
mug shots and a drug-possession con- 
viction on his juvenile record. 

If we are going to fight a war on 
drugs, we should at least demand fair- 
ness. Let the children of the poor be 
judged by the same standard as the 


children of the rich and powerful. In- - 


stead of sending regular citizens to jail 
under harsh mandatory-minimum 
sentencing guidelines, let every citizen 
qualify for house arrest, pretrial diver- 
sion, work-study programs, communi- 
ty service and probation. Or hang all of 
them. All politicians, that is. 


^7 


N E W 


S Е В 


Or INA 


what's happening in the sexual and social arenas 


= WOODY PROBLEM 


REGINA, SASKATCHEWAN—When the 
provincial government tried to return 
nearly 1000 five-inch-long “wooden 
demonstrators” designed for sex-education 


classes after school and health officials re- 
fused to use them, the supplier said no. 
“We will seek to dispose of them in an or- 
derly fashion,” said a spokesman for the 
department of education. One critic sug- 
gested a “weenie roast.” 


Ee | 


MOSCOW—Á group of scholars and 
feminists sued “Playboy Russia” for dam- 
ages after it published nude paintings of 
historic Russian women. The Academy of 
Sciences and the St. Petersburg Center for 
Gender Issues objected to the depictions of 
mathematician Sofia Korvalevskaya mas- 
turbating, Catherine the Great topless and 
religious dissident Feodosiva Morozova 
"in sexual heat.” The controversy puzzled 
the artist who created the portraits. "If Id. 
drawn them as ugly, I could understand,” 
he told “The Moscow Times.” “But I made 
them more beautiful than they were in life. 
Catherine the Great was ugly! I made her 
beautiful.” “Playboy Russia" has post- 
poned plans to publish more of the por- 
traits, including one of Lenin’s wife. 


© AIDED WITNESS © 


DOWAGIAC, MICHIGAN—A prosecutor 
charged four members of a junior college 


basketball team with rape after an eight- 
minute videotape surfaced that allegedly 
shows them assaulting a woman who had 
passed out after drinking. Although the 
‘woman suffered injuries, and the prosecu- 
tor says the tape clearly shows her being 
raped, an attorney defending the players 
argued the sex was consensual. “The fact 
that there were injuries does not mean 
it was a criminal act,” he told a reporter. 
"Injuries sometimes happen during sex." 
Right, counselor. 


— SINAND DIE — 5 


TEGUCIGALPA, HONDURAS—Govern- 
ment officials scrapped a plan to distribute 
more than a million condoms to voters dur- 
ing recent elections, citing opposition by 
the Catholic Church. Although just 8000 
cases of AIDS have been documented in 
Honduras, officials fear that as many as 
800,000 of its 5.5 million citizens are in- 
fected with HIV. An angry government 
health minister told reporters that “the 
Honduran population continues to have 
sexual relations outside marriage, and the 
institutions that supposedly have been pro- 
moting fidelity for centuries have not had 
any impact. Continuing with this attitude 
of wanting to block out the sun with a 
finger doesn’t help at all in the fight 
‘against this evil.” 


GONG MY WAVE — 


PORTLAND, OREGON—When a driver 
requested a vanity plate that read 69 for his 
1969 Ford, Oregon’s Driver and Motor 
Vehicle Services obliged. But when he 
transferred the plates to his 1976 Ford, the 
state revoked the plates. A spokesman ex- 
plained: “When the plates were on the 
1969 vehicle, it was in a completely differ- 
ent context,” 

SAN FRANCISCO—An HIV-positive ac- 
tivist sued the California DMV afier it de- 
nied his request for a plate for his Harley- 
Davidson that read нү ros. The DMV 
said some drivers might find the message 
offensive, to which the applicant respond- 
ed: “Who? Bigots?” In its defense, the 
DMV noted that it also disallowed нау 
NEG, though it permitted нту рос and HIV 
км. License plates have long been a free- 
speech battleground. California has also 
denied applications for 4NIC8, DUIT2ME, 
KILMALL, AWPHAQand HITLER. Maryland 
has nixed SUL рув and Virginia has said 
no to ATH-EST and GOVT SUX. 


SUGAR DADDIES — 


TOKYO—Forget about sexual predators 
meeting kids on the Internet. Parents and 
government authorities are concerned 
about the growing practice of “enjo ko- 
sai”—"compensated dates" —among teen- 
age girls and older men. The men wait in 
clubs for young women to call toll-free 
numbers they find in phone booths or are 
handed on the street. The teens talk with 
the men, then decide if they'd like io meet 
them for dates or sex. According to the 
“Los Angeles Times,” Japan now has more 
than 2200 telephone clubs, and as many 
аз 25 percent of high school girls say 
they've called at least once. A sociologist 
told the “Times” that girls phone and 
sometimes meet with patrons as a way to 
fight boredom or earn spending money. 


mas Aa [A a 


SAN FRANCISCO—A computer program- 
mer inserted rogue code into a popular ac- 
tion game so that a group of buff studs in 
swimsuits occasionally appears in the final 
scene. Maxis Inc. fired the programmer af- 
ter it discovered the code, but more than 
78,000 copies of the PC version of Sim- 
copter had already been shipped to stores. 
‘The programmer, who is gay, told reporters 


that there were already scantily clad figures 
in the game—i's just that none were men. 


On the programmer's birthday (September 
30) and Friday the 13th, some of the men 
hiss. Elvis impersonators and additional 
bimbos also appear. 


YOUR BASIC COFFEE SHOP 


FILTERS. 


KEEP IT BASIC 


© Phiip Morris Inc. 1996 
16 mg "tar; 1.0 mg nicotine av. per cigarette by ЕТС method. 


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PLAYBOY INTERVIEW: VI NCENT BUGLIOSI 


a candid conversation with the famed prosecutor about charles manson, immoral 
lawyers, solving the drug crisis and—oh, yeah—a few final thoughts about that o.j. case 


Vincent Bugliosi's phone doesn’t stop 
ringing. “Hard Copy,” “Geraldo” and 
“Dateline” want him to speak about the O.J. 
Simpson civil trial. A national magazine 
wants him to write about it. Dozens of talk- 
radio hosts from around the country want 
his comments. His publisher needs updates 
Jor the paperback edition of “Outrage,” his 
best-selling book about the Simpson criminal 
trial, in which he details how a guilty man 
walked free. The president of Fox Television, 
as well as executives from CBS and Show- 
time, want to discuss show ideas with him. 
There are invitations from law firms and bar 
associations all over the country ashing him 
10 speak. His editor for the book he's writing 
about the assassination of President John Е 
Kennedy needs to know if he's still on sched- 
ule. His doctor and his dentist call, wonder- 
ing if he’s going to keep his appointments. 
His wife checks in to see if they're still on for 
dinner and a movie. 

Bugliosi probably has Charles Manson to 
thank for making him famous. Bugliosi was 
an anonymous deputy district altorney in 
Los Angeles when Roman Polanshi’s wife. 
actress Sharon Tate, was found murdered 
along with four other people in a home in 
Bel Air on August 9, 1969. The murders 
were bloody and vicious—and there seemed 
to be no motive. The next day two more bod- 
ies were found in a house in the Los Feliz 


“We're not talking about forgery or theft. 
We're talhing about a guy with a knife 
hilling two precious human beings, leaving 
them їп а pool of blood. The verdict caused a 
psychic trauma to the American people.” 


arca of Los Angeles. The crimes were strik- 
ingly similar—and Manson was the master- 
mind behind both. 

Manson became America's most infamous 
mass murderer, and Bugliosi was the prose- 
сшог who pul. Manson and his "family" 
members away for life. Less than three years 
later Bugliosi decided to challenge his bass, 
District Attorney Joe Busch, and run for 
public office. Bugliosi was outspent by about 
seven to one and lost in a very tight, brutal 
election. In 1974 he made another foray in- 
to politics, running this time for California 
attorney general. Again he lost, but by then 
he had discovered a second career. He and 
co-writer Curt Geniry published “Helter 
Skelter: The True Story of the Manson Mur- 
ders,” which became the top-selling true- 
crime book of all time (with more than 7 mil- 
lion-copies sold). 

Bugliosi now divides his time between in- 
frequent court cases (in his prosecutorial ca- 
reer he won 105 of 106 felony jury trials, in- 
cluding 21 consecutive murder convictions) 
and writing true-crime books, most based оп 
cases he tried. Among his books, most written 
with collaborators, are “Till Death Us Do 
Part” as well as “And the Sea Will Tell.” He 
also wrote “The Phoenix Solution,” a pro- 
posal on how America can win its war 
on drugs. 

Born on August 18, 1934 in Hibbing, 


“I believe in equality between men and 
women in every area except marriage. The 
woman has to take the subordinate role, be- 
cause euery unit has to have a leader, and the 
man is the more natural leader." 


Minnesota, Bugliosi had what he describes 
as a normal childhood. He played sports, 
worked odd jobs, attended a Catholic school 
and respected his mother and father. Both his 
parents came from Italy, and his father 
worked in the mines, owned a grocery store 
and was a railroad conductor in Hibbing. 
Bugliosi's childhood passion was tennis, а 
game he taught himself. He eventually be- 
came Minnesota's state high school champi- 
on and the Northwest junior champion, win- 
ning a partial tennis scholarship to the 
University of Miami in Florida, where he 
eventually met his future wife, Gail. They 
went to California, where he graduated from 
UCLA Law School in 1964 (he was presi- 
dent of his graduating class). He joined the 
Los Angeles District Attorney's Office soon 
after passing the bar: 

His fame from prosecuting Manson made 
Bugliosi a public figure, and when a British 
TV network came up with the idea in 1986 
of putting Lee Harvey Oswald on trial for 
the assassination of President Kennedy, the 
producers asked Gerry Spence to defend Os- 
wald and Bugliosi 10 prosecute. When il was 
over the jury came back with a guilty verdict: 
Oswald, in this mock trial, was the lone 
killer. There was no conspiracy. Spence said, 
“Мо other lawyer in America could have 
done what Vince did.” The preparation 
Bugliosi did for this trial led him to decide 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY NIZUNO. 


“I view drugs as the most serious internal 
crisis this nation has faced since the Civil 
War. We have to go to the source. Send expe- 
ditionary forces to Colombia, grab these peo- 
ple and bring them back here.” 


51 


PLAYBOY 


that a book taking on various conspiracy 
theories was in order, and he has been dili- 
geutly working on опе ever since. 

His Kennedy book had to be put aside, 
however, when O.J. Simpson was charged 
with murder. There was never any doubt in 
Bugliosi's mind that Simpson was guilty. 
But he saw mistakes throughout the proceed- 
ings, among them that Judge Lance Ito 
wrongly allowed race to become an issue 
when he permitted the defense to show that 
detective Mark Fuhrman had used a racial 
slur within the past ten years. The prosecu- 
tion team of Marcia Clark and Chris Dar- 
den was, according to Bugliosi, startingly 
inept and incompetent in its prosecution of 
the case. Too much evidence was left out of 
the trial—such as Simpson’s statement to the 
police that he didn’t know how his hand got 
cul; Simpson's suicide letter; and the Bronco 
chase on which Simpson carried a disguise, 
a gun and $8750 in cash. Bugliosi, con- 
vinced that a sure win for the prosecution 
was bungled, decided to write a book show- 
ing what went wrong and how he would 
have handled the case had he been in charge. 
“Outrage” hit a nerve with the public when 
it appeared, reaching number one on the 
“New York Times” best-seller list. Dominick 
Dunne pronounced, “If you only have time 
to read one book on the criminal trial of OJ. 
Simpson, I would recommend, without hesi- 
lation, Vincent Bugliosi’s 'Outrage. " (The 
updated paperback edition of “Outrage” is 
coming out March 15.) 

To find out if the book's success has calmed 
his outrage and to get his opinions on Simp- 
son's subsequent civil trial as well as his 
reflections on some past cases and future 
works, we sent Contributing Editor Lawrence 
Grobel (whose most recent interview was with 
actor Harvey Keitel) to talk with Bugliosi at 
his home in the San Fernando Valley, Gro- 
bel’s report: 

“The first time I spoke with Bugliosi he 
told me that he was about to be on Charles 
Grodin’s show and thought I might want to 
watch. 1 flipped a channel and there he was, 
charging that O.J.'s defense team ‘possessed 
the gonads of 10,000 elephants.” Bugliosi 
does not mince words. 

"I soon realized that his outspokenness on 
‘Grodin’ was quintessential Bugliosi. The 
man is a bulldog. When he believes in some- 
thing—whether it’s O.].'s guilt or solutions 
to the drug problem—he bears doum on lis- 
teners with formidable intensity. So I wasn't 
surprised that we often didn’t wrap our ses- 
sions until after five or six hours of nonstop 
talking. Nor was I surprised when he'd fol- 
low up our sessions with phonc calls to clab- 
orate on points we had discussed. Vince has 
а meticulous intellect, which is what made 
him a great prosecutor, and he loves a good 
argument. Even more important, he loves to 
win those arguments, which is another sign 
of a good lawyer.” 


PLAYBOY: In the past five years we've seen 
two Menendez trials and the cases of 
Heidi Fleiss, Reginald Denny, Michael 


52 Jackson, Snoop Doggy Dogg and O.]. 


Simpson. How much faith can people 
have in the criminal justice system? 

BUGLIOSI: Oh boy. These are high- 
bility cases, most of which went the 
wrong way. But we can't judge our sys- 
tem just because of them. 

PLAYBOY: Still, should we really have been 
surprised with the Simpson verdict in 
the criminal trial? 

BUGLIOSI: Yeah, we should be surprised 
by the Simpson verdict, because every- 
thing points to this guy's guilt. Nothing 
points in the direction of anything else. 
We're talking about murder here. Juries 
are much more apt to overlook a slight 
transgression of the law than the ulti- 
mate crime of murder. We can't have 
people commit murder in our society 
and get away with it. We're not talking 
here about forgery or about theft. We're. 
talking about a guy with a sharp knife, 
not only stabbing but killing two pre- 
cious human beings, chopping them up, 
leaving them in a pool of blood. And he's 
out there playing golf, smiling. I'm con- 
vinced that the verdict in this case 
caused a psychic trauma to the American 
people. Гуе had people tell me they 


Simpson has a quizzical 
look on his face, like, 
“What? You’re actually 
going to let me walk 
out of here?” 


vomited when the verdict came in. They 
couldn't go to work the next day. 
PLAYBOY: Not everybody was sickened by 
the not-guilty verdict. His defense team 
was pretty happy. 

BUGLIOSt: Look at the photo of the mo- 
ment of the verdict—Robert Shapiro’s 
not happy. He looks as if he just heard 
his child was run over. Shapiro’s prob- 
lem is, he has to live with this verdict for 
the rest of his life, knowing that he put 
together this team. Simpson has a quizzi- 
cal look on his face, like, “What? You're 
actually going to let me walk out of 
here?” 

PLAYBOY: Were you surprised by the ini- 
tial groundswell of support for Simpson? 
BUGLIOSI: It was shocking. I know we 
look up to celebrities, but to this extent? 
Where within a month and a half he re- 
portedly received 350,000 letters of sup- 
port? Where the chaplain of the U.S. 
Senate said a prayer for him? Where 
people called in to talk shows suggesting, 
“Нез O.J. He's suffered enough. You 
should let him go"? Even deputy sheriffs 
at the Los Angeles County Jail were re- 
portedly asking him for autographs. 
PLAYBOY: What has the reaction been to 


your book among colleagues, law stu- 
dents and laypeople? 

BUGLIOSI: Phenomenal. It's already re- 
quired reading at several law schools 
and D.A. offices around the country. In 
fact, just yesterday I was on Syracuse ra- 
dio and a D.A. called in and said Outrage 
is now required reading for all prose- 
cutors in his office. Г get letters from 
lawyers all over the country. More letters 
for this book than for Helter Skelter. I got 
mail for all my books, but no one’s ever 
thanked me for writing а book before. 
With this one, letter after letter, “Thank 
you, Mr. Bugliosi, for writing this book.” 
‘They use words like therapeutic, cathar- 
tic and closure, They want to know how 
it's possible that this guy walked out of 
court. Many even said that my book re- 
stored their faith in the judicial system, 
because after this trial people said, 
“We've got to abolish it. Why have ju- 
ries if this guy is so obviously guilty?” 
My book helped them understand what 
happened. 

PLAYBOY: And yet you still prefer that a 
jury decide unanimously for a murder 
conviction, rather than allow a two- 
thirds majority to convict. 

BUGLIOSI: There haye been all types of 
arguments about changing the jury sys- 
tem, and I reject most of them. If you're. 
taking away a person's life or liberty you 
should have to convince all 12 people. 
Second, if you knock it down to ten to 
two, or nine to three, you're eliminating 
the Henry Fonda type of juror in 12 An- 
gry Men, the one man who turns around 
the other 11. You're not going to have 
that if you don't have a verdict. Why 
should the majority even bother to listen 
to the minority? You're also dissuading 
law enforcement from working as hard 
as it should if you say you need only ten 
to two. 

PLAYBOY: Your book certainly makes a lot 
of sense—in hindsight. Chris Darden 
pointed out that you weren't there. 
BUGLIOSI: Cochran has said that, Darden 
has said that. It’s a stupid observation. If 
you buy that argument, Truman Capote 
shouldn't have written /n Cold Blood, 
‘Tommy Thompson shouldn't have writ- 
ten Blood and Money or Joe Wambaugh 
The Onion Field. What do you tell a histo- 
rian who writes a three-volume history 
of the Civil War—"You weren't there"? 
This trial was televised, there's a tran- 
script. Obviously, you don’t have to be 
there. The question always comes down 
to: Is what you're saying valid? So what 
if I wasn’t present? If I wasn't even a 
lawyer, if I was in a coffee shop on the 
Left Bank in Paris during the trial and a 
carrier pigeon brought me the informa- 
tion each night? It’s a point of monu- 
mental irrelevance. The issue still is, is 
what I am saying right or wrong? This 
wasn't Monday-morning quarterback- 
ing. There is no viable alternative to the 
things I’m talking about here. When 
Simpson's main defense is that he was 


a twist of lime? 
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PLAYBOY 


54 cer, Ron Shipp? He said, 


framed, there's only one thing you have 
to do: Knock that down. If you don't, 
he walks out of court. When you have 
Simpson admitting dripping blood on 
the night of the murders and he has no 
idea how he got cut, you introduce that 
evidence. There is no alternative there. 
A two-year-old should see this stuff. Yet. 
no one saw it. Jeffrey Toobin [of The New 
Yorker] sat there for nine and a half 
months and wrote that the prosecution 
was brilliant. That there was nothing the 
prosecutors could have done—the ver- 
dict was preordained. 

PLAYBOY: Toobin may have been report- 
ing it that way in The New Yorker, but in 
his book The Run of His Life he wasn't so 
full of praise for the prosecution. What 
did you think of his book? 

BUGLIOSI: It's well-written but a big dis- 
appointment, a very superficial book. 
For example, trial summation is an ex- 
tremely important part of this case. It 
could have turned it around if the pros- 
ecution had argued it properly. I have 
75 pages in my book about final summa- 
tion, with 15 pages of endnotes. Toobin 
wrote four or five pages, with no legal 
analysis. Also, some of the jurors wrote a 
book telling why they came back with 
a not-guilty verdict. If you're writing a 
book about the Simpson case and you 
have a book written by the jury, includ- 
ing the foreperson, what could be more 
important? And yet there’s nothing in 
his book except a reference that they 
wrote 4 book. Contamination and cross- 
examination were very big issues at the 
criminal trial. Yet unbelievably, he de- 
votes only two brief sentences to them. 
PLAYBOY: Another prominent O.J. book 
was Lawrence Schiller and James Will- 
werth's American Tragedy. What did you 
think of that one? 

BUGLIOSI: If you're going to ask me 
about all these other books, then let me 
preface my remarks by asking: What do 
you want me to do? Do you want me to 
lie or to tell the truth? IF I tell the wuth I 
come off as boastful, even though I'm 
Just being factual. 1 never make a charge 
without supporting it. But since you're 
asking me, here are my views: The only 
book, other than mine, that I would 
highly recommend is O.J. Unmasked by 
M.L. Rantala. It's a very good analysis 
of the physical evidence in the case. 
There's a lot of good information in 
Schiller's book, ten times more so than in 
"Toobin's book, about what was going on 
bchind the scenes in the defense camp- 
PLAYBOY: Schiller's book couldn't have 
been written without Robert Kardas! 
an's cooperation. Time said Kardas] 
betrayed a friend and also a client. Dit 
surprise you that he has talked? 
BUGLIOSI: No, I think he just wants to live 
with himself. He obviously knows Simp- 
son's guilty. He has many years ahead 
and he doesn't want to be a part of a 
lie anymore. Remember the black offi- 
“I don't want 


Nicole’s blood on my hands.” He told 
Simpson outside the presence of the jury 
to tell the truth. He wanted to be able to 
live with himself. That's what's happen- 
ing with Kardashian. 

PLAYBOY: What do you make of Simpson's 
attempt to discredit the pictures that 
surfaced of him wearing the Bruno 
Magli shoes? 

BUGLIOSI: He argued that they're fake 
photos. Simpson said it’s his legs, his 
body, his head, but not his feet and 
shoes, He reprised Lee Harvey Oswald. 
The day after the JFK assassination Os- 
wald was asked if he had owned a ri- 
fle and he said no, whereupon he was 
shown a photograph taken by his wife, 
Marina, of him holding the rifle used in 
the assassination. He said his head was 
superimposed on someone else's body. 
PLAYBOY: In the criminal trial you felt 
Judge Lance Ito's erroneous rulings 
hurt the state's case. 

BUGLIOSI: By allowing the defense to 
play the race card, Ito was largely re- 
sponsible for this verdict, along with the 
unbelievable incompetence of the prose- 
cution in handling Ito's improper rul- 
ings. I always had an uneasy feeling 
about Ito, like, What is this guy going to 
start doing? Is he going to start walking 
around on his hands in front of the jury 
to show them that not only is he fair- 
minded but he’s also physically agile? At 
a time when they were losing jurors and 
there was а fear they would get below 12, 
probably causing a mistrial, he sent them 
up ina blimp! Yes, you heard me right— 
a blimp. And then he wanted to take a 
minivacation in the middle of the closing 
arguments. 

PLAYBOY: As we speak, the civil trial is in 
its final days. You've now had a chance to 
compare Judge Hiroshi Fujisaki with 
Judge Ito. Who's the better judge? 
BUGLIOSI: Fujisaki is kind of languorous 
on the bench—one of the lawyers will 
object and he won't even rule. Not like 
Ito, though I think Fujisaki's doing a 
better job with the exception of some se- 
rious mistakes that have given the de- 
fense an opportunity on appeal. For in- 
stance, allowing Simpson to be asked 
about taking a lie-detector test, permit- 
ting the gal from the shelter hotline to 
testify that a woman named Nicole was 
being threatened by her famous hus- 
band—that's inadmissible hearsay. But 
they probably will not constitute re- 
versible error, because of all the other in- 
criminating evidence. 

PLAYBOY: What do you think of the so- 
called dream team's books: Johnnie 
Cochran's Journey to Justice, Alan Der- 
showitz’ Reasonable Doubts, Sha| 
Search for Justice, Gerald Uelmen's Les- 
sons From the Trial? 

BUGLIOSI: From a legal standpoint, the 
best of the defense books is Dershowitz’, 
At least Alan had the decency not to say 
that Simpson is innocent. He makes an 
effort to analyze the legal issues in a 


scholarly way. The deficiencies are that 
it’s a very short book and he has serious 
misstatements of fact in it. Here’s a guy 
who was number one in his class at Yale, 
he was the youngest law professor ever 
at Harvard, and he’s probably the top 
criminal appellate lawyer in the country. 
He'd do a lot better if he didn’t rely so 
much on sophistry to get by. Uelmen's 
book is unbelievably bad. For a person of 
his erudition and scholarship to write 
a book like that is really surprising. 
Shapiro's and Cochran's books are 
worthless—they're just personal mem- 
oirs and full of legal errors. The authors 
know a murderer walked out the court- 
room door, and they talk about а search 
for justice? I don’t like the audacity of 
that. They deceived the jury, we all know 
that. Now they're trying to deceive the 
American public. 

PLAYBOY: What's your take on Chris Dar- 
den's In Contempt? 

BUGLIOSI: Almost worthless. Another 
memoir. A third of it actually deals with 
his life in Oakland. Its very superficial. 
No detailed analysis of the legal issues. 
And the scholarship is terrible. I'm upset 
with Darden, and ГИ tell you why: My 
book has 356 pages of why this case was 
lost. Darden's has one paragraph! He 
says he walked into that courtroom and 
he saw this need in the jurors’ eyes to set- 
tle a score. He saw a need to settle a 
score in the eyes of a 22-year-old white 
girl who works for an insurance com- 
pany? He told Barbara Walters that he 
didn't have a snowball's chance in hell. 
“As soon as I looked at the jury, I knew 
the case was over.” One of the prosecu- 
tors asked me, “How could Chris write 
that? When he joined the prosecution 
team he was just as confident as we all 
were.” And when the verdict came in he 
quotes himself as saying, “My God, my 
God, my God!” Which proves that he 
doesn't believe a word he’s saying in his 
book. Otherwise, why was he so shocked 
and surprised? According to him, he al- 
ready knew nine and a half months ear- 
lier, when he walked into court that the 
case was lost. In his book he says that af- 
ter the Fuhrman tapes surfaced, “I had 
no more energy for this circus and I 
had nothing more to sacrifice.” He “sac- 
rificed” instead of feeling honored to 
represent the people of California. He 
had a whole year to work on it and he 
talks about sacrifice? You have two peo- 
ple decomposing in their graves, you 
know the guy is guilty, you have a ton of 
evidence against him, and this guy is 
quitting? Prosecutors don't talk that way. 
They fight to the very end with every 
ounce of energy they have in them. The 
defense attorneys deceived this jury and 
now Darden deceives the American pub- 
lic. He's using this black jury as а scape- 
goat for his and Marcia's incompetence. 
PLAYBOY: Marcia Clark obviously would 
not agree with that assessment. 
BUGLIOSI: I see a lot of potential in 


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Marcia. She's very bright, articulate, 
knowledgeable. She can think on her 
feet and I like the way she makes her 
points. But her persona in front of the 
jury was different. I don't know what 
happened to her. One possible explana- 
tion might be that she knew the jury 
didn't like her so she changed her per- 
sonality. She wasn't dynamic or forceful 
Her opening statement was terrible. She 
didn’t present the suicide note, the 
chase, none of that evidence. And then 
she argued that there was only one glove 
at the murder scene. That doesn’t mean 
anything to anyone. You have to go on to 
say, “So there was no second glove there 
for Mark Fuhrman to pick up and de- 
posit at Rockingham.” You really have 
to spoon-feed a jury. 

Can you imagine 
Marcia Clark telling 
the jurors during jury 
selection, “This is not 
a fun place for me 
to be”? As if she was 
apologizing for prose- 
cuting Simpson. And 
Darden, in his sum- 
mation, telling the 
jury, “Nobody wants 
to hurt this guy. We 
don't. But the law is 
the law.” They also 
didn't know how to 
preempt the defense. 
‘They were constantly 
creating the impres- 
sion in front of the 
jury that they were 
trying to suppress rel- 
evant evidence. Their 
preparation of their 
witnesses was poor, 
and their waiting un- 
til the last moment to 
prepare their final 
argument, as if they 
were college students 


PLAYBOY 


of-rind. 


cramming for an ex- 
am, was inexcusable, 
PLAYBOY: What do you 


Clark's 


BUGLIOSI: I just don't 
know how she’s going to address the fact 
that her incompetence was staggering. 
How do you argue why you didn't talk 
about detective Philip Vannatter bring- 
ing the vial of blood back to Rocking- 
ham? How do you justify arguing for. 
one minute out of eight hours on the key 
issue of the trial? If your blood's at the 
murder scene, you're guilty. Say good- 
night, Gracie, there’s nothing more to 
say. Unless it's a frame-up, right? So how 
do you argue for one minute out of eight 
hours when you know that if the jury 
buys the frame-up argument this guy 
walks out of court? What's she going to 
say to that? People looked at the prose- 
cutors—who seemed to be intelligent, 
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sumption they were taking care of busi- 
ness. They weren't! They conceded the 
conspiracy issue by default. 

PLAYBOY: Ihe defense's assertions that 
the police tampered with Simpson's 
blood and planted the glove on his prop- 
erty gave the jury the reasonable doubt 
it needed to declare Simpson not guilty. 
Many of the black jurors probably knew 
someone who had been mistreated by 
the police. Yet the distinction you make 
between police brutality and frame-ups 
wasn't made at Simpson's criminal trial, 
BUGLIOSI: That's right, and it's probably 
one of my most important observations 
about this case. Police brutality, and lies 
by the police to cover it up, is common, 
not percentagewise, but numerically. 


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But police frame-ups of blacks—for rob- 
bery, rape, murder—are virtually un- 
heard of. There's no history of police 
framing blacks in Los Angeles or any- 
where that I know of. That is not part of 
the black experience. It's nonsense. Thi 
just went right over the heads of that ju- 
ry, of Darden, of Time magazine. Time 
said it was casy for the jury to buy the 
police frame-up theory, because all the 
jurors had to do was play back in their 
minds the tape of the Los Angeles police 


beating Rodney King. As if beating up’ 


King and framing Simpson were one 
and the same thing. The cops don't do 
frame-ups. Cochran sold this jury the 
police frame-up theory from its experi- 
ence of police brutality. 


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PLAYBOY: How do we know police don't 
frame? If someone with a camera hadn't 
captured the King beating, many white 
Americans would have never become so 
graphically aware of police brutality. Just 
because there aren't recorded examples 
doesn’t mean it doesn't happen. 
BUGLIOSI: Then how come there wasn't a 
parade of black people taking the wit- 
ness stand at the trial to say that they 
were framed by Fuhrman? Not one 
black took the witness stand to testify 
Fuhrman framed him. You know why? 
Because it's moonshine. Look, I'm not 
saying it hasn't happened. I'm saying it’s 
virtually unheard of. 

PLAYBOY: The crux of the defense's argu- 
ment was that Fuhrman did something 
wrong, and he only 
made it worse for 
himself by lying on 
the witness stand. 
BUGLIOSI: I'm not 
condoning what he 
> did, but Fuhrman is 
= not a criminal. 
PLAYBOY: Ihe man 
was caught in a dra- 
matic lie, and to the 
layperson, a lie un- 
der oath is perjury. 
BuGLIOSI: There's a 
serious question as to 
whether Fuhrman 
even committed per- 
jury. Laypeople erro- 
neously believe that 
all lies under oath are 
perjury. Granted, it’s 
the most important 
element of the cor- 
pus delicti of perjury. 
But there is a second 
element: The lie has 
то concern some ma- 
terial matter. It must 
be relevant to an is- 
sue in the case. For 
instance, unless a wit- 
ness’ age or weight is 
somehow relevant to 
an issue in the case, 
their lying under 
oath about their age 
or weight is not perjury. Fuhrman's lie 
about not using a racial slur in the past 
ten years was not, in my judgment, per- 
jury because it had nothing to do with 
whether Simpson was guilty or not guilty 
of these murders. 

PLAYBOY: The executive vice president of 
the National Lawyers Guild, James Laf- 
ferty, called Fuhrman's sentence of three 
years probation and a $200 fine “a scan- 
dalous miscarriage of justice.” He said 
Fuhrman received less than the amount 
imposed on people guilty of littering 
highways. “Not only did Fuhrman lie 
under oath, he also contributed to one of 
this country’s biggest and most expen- 
sive judicial debacles.” 

BUGLIOSI: Formal punishment is just one 


nce at 


of the ways that you bring about justice. 
But it’s not the only way. When Richard 
Nixon was guilty of obstruction of justice 
he didn't get any sentence at all. But he 
suffered. He left the presidency in dis- 
grace. He lost the most powerful office in 
the world. You don't call that punish- 
ment? That's part of justice. Lafferty ар- 
parently isn't happy about the fact that 
Fuhrman, who did nothing wrong, woke 
up in the middle of the night, went to 
the crime scene, found evidence against 
Simpson and had his life ruined. He's a 
convicted felon who can't vote, can't 
even own a rifle. He has to go to a pro- 
bation officer. That's not punishment. 
enough for this guy, he wants more, 
right? 

PLAYBOY. Why are you so sympathetic to 
the man who may have cost the prosecu- 
tion its case? 

BUGLIOSI: Why shouldn't I be sympathet- 
ic to him? He didn't frame O.J. Simpson. 
And the prosecution joined in the vilifi- 
cation of him. Marcia Clark said to the 
jury, "Do we wish this man had not exist- 
ed on the face of this planet? Answer, 
yes." What she should have done was 
mitigate the damage. You point out that 
the last time Fuhrman used the N word 
was in 1988, seven years before he 
fied. You point out that he had black 
ends, that he got up three mornings a 
week to play basketball with them. That 
he worked hard to free a black man 
charged with the murder of a white man. 
His mother called me a tew months ago 
and was crying over the phone. She said, 
“You're the only one who stuck up for 
my son.” And she sent me a beautiful lit- 
tle painting of hers to show her appreci- 
ation. But it was easy to stick up for him, 
the guy did nothing wrong! He couldn't 
have framed Simpson if he wanted to. 
Now he's going to his probation officer 
and Simpson is playing golf. 

PLAYBOY: And you've agrecd to write an 
introduction to Fuhrman’s book. 
BUGLIOSI: Because he's one of the biggest 
victims in this entire case. I'm trying to 
bring out the truth. 

PLAYBOY: In the criminal trial, race came 
to matter more than the evidence. Was 
this inevitable? 

BUGLIOSI: This was not a racial case. It 
was simply a case of a man who hap- 
pened to be black being tried for mur- 
dering his former wife and her male 
companion. Nothing more, nothing less 
Cochran, showing no respect, no con- 
cern for the black community, blatantly 
and cynically exploited the black com- 
munity to its long-term detriment, just 
to help his client, who is black in color 
only. Cochran is viewed as a hero when 
the black community should view Coch- 
ran for what he is. 

PLAYBOY: Which is? 

BUGLIOSI: Johnnie Cochran, as opposed 
to Simpson, hadn't turned his back on 
the black community through the years. 
Cochran's law firm is almost all black. He 


contributes heavily to black causes. But 
when it came to crunch time, he told the 
black community to take a walk. Because 
he was inciting them, working them up 
into an emotional lather. And he didn't 
give a damn. There's a tremendous 
amount of antiblack sentiment in this 
country as a result of this verdict, anger 
stemming from Cochran's actions. This 
has already manifested itself at the ballot 
boxes in the form of resistance to affir- 
mative action, welfare and other social 
programs important to blacks. 

PLAYBOY: Cochran said about Jeffrey 
Toobin that his opinions really are racist 
in their implications: that the jurors 
weren't very smart. The same comment 
can apply to you as well, Does Cochran 
have a point—or is he still manipulating 
race issues? 

BUGLIOSI: He's playing the race card. I'm 
not denigrating blacks at all. Remember, 
there were three whites on the jury, too. 
What docs their color have to do with it? 
They were stupid people, for Christ's 
sake! How do we know they're stupid? 
Well, one juror said, "What difference 
does it make if he used to beat Nicole? If 
you want to try him for wife beating, try 
him down the hall. It's not relevant." I 
mean, come on! Nicole was saying, "He's 
going to kill me." She told the police 

And this juror said it wasn't relevant? 
How about the gal on Nightline who said 
Dr. Henry Lee—the top forensic sleuth 
who testified to the possibility of a sec- 
ond shoe print at the crime scene, which 
turned out to be a permanent indenta- 
tion left in the concrete by one of the 
workers who laid the cement years earli- 
er—was the most impressive witness be- 
cause when he took the stand he gave 
them a nice smile? How about the one 
who said the DNA was valueless? She 
didn't pay any attention to it at all. Of 
course they're stupid people! It has 
nothing to do with their being black. Lis- 
ten, no one is less racist than I am. In 
fact, show me another white public per- 
sonality who within the past five years 
has spoken out in depth about how to 
substantially reduce the problem of po- 
lice brutality against blacks in America. 
In an article (No Justice, No Peace) in the 
February 1993 edition of this magazine 
prompted by the Rodney King case and 
subsequent riot, I pointed out, with ir- 
refutable statistics, that district attorneys 
around the country rarely ever prose- 
cute the police for engaging in brutality 
and excessive force against members of 
minority communities. I denounced this 
practice and strongly urged district at- 
torneys to commence criminal prosecu- 
tions against the very small percentage 
of offending officers who, by this con- 
duct, stain the blue uniform of the restof 
the force. 

PLAYBOY. What about the civil trial? Did 
Fred Goldman ever contact you to be in- 
volved with that? 

BUGLIOSI: Mr. Goldman called me two 


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weeks before June 12, 1995. He said the 
statute on the wrongful death suit was 
about to run out—it's a one-year stat- 
ute—and he wanted to know if I could 
handle it. At the time I thought there 
would be a guilty verdict, or at least a 
hung jury, so I told him I don’t handle 
civil trials. First, the motions and the 
rules are different; second, I'm not prac- 
ticing now; and third, I was working on 
book deadlines. Now we jump ahead: 
The trial's over, with a not-guilty verdict. 
I get another call from Goldman: “Did 
you change your mind?" I was busy try- 
ing to get my Kennedy book out, and 
civil work doesn’t appeal to me. There's 
a blizzard of pretrial motions and I don't. 
even have a secretary. My sister called 
me from Florida and put a guilt trip on 
me: “Why aren't you helping Mr. Gold- 
man?” I started thinking that 1 was aban. 
doning this guy. So 1 called him back 
about four days later and said, “Mr. 
Goldman, 1 still can't handle this case all 
by myself. You're going to have to hirea 
law firm on this thing. I'm working out 
of my house, I don't even have a com- 
puter, I work with my pencil. But I'll tell 
you what I'll do; ГИ do the cross-exami- 
nation of Simpson and the final summa- 
tion. All the pretrial stuff I can't handle.” 
Whereupon he told me that he had 
hired this big West Side law firm, and I 
haven't heard from him since, 

PLAYBOY: Should the civil trial have been 
televised? 

BUGLIOSI: I'm against cameras in the 
courtroom, because common sense tells 
you they’re going to affect the testimony 
of some witnesses. How do you avoid the 
fact that you have witnesses up there 
knowing that they're talking to millions 
of people? People don't like to speak in 
public—cither they're going to be a little 
more hesitant to speak up or they may 
embroider their testimony, in which case 
you're compromising the whole purpose 
of a trial. There’s only one reason for 
a trial that 1 know of: to determine 
whether the defendant is guilty or not 
guilty of the crime. 1 know of no sec- 
ondary purpose to educate the public. 
PLAYBOY: Alan Dershowitz believes, “The 
tragedy is that the world will not be able 
to judge for itself whether justice was 
done because of the ban on TV cameras. 
And for justice to be done fully, it must 
also be seen to be done.” 

BUGLIOSI: Dershowitz may have a point. 
There's an argument to be made that in 
this case perhaps cameras should have 
been allowed, only because they were 
permitted in the first trial. If there is a 
judgment against Simpson it may give 
blacks the appearance of impropriety, 
and the appearance is the equivalent of 
reality. So there’s a problem there. 
PLAYBOY: Dershowitz says that “both ju- 
ries could be absolutely right even if one 
acquits and the other finds liability on 
precisely the same evidence." 

BUGLIOSI: I agree with that. But I don't 


agree that the first jury was right 
PLAYBOY: Will Simpson be allowed back 
into society if the verdict goes his way 
again? 

BUGLIOSI: No, I don't think so. He will 
get back into society to a certain degree, 
but there are just too many people who 
are absolutely convinced of his guilt 
PLAYBOY: [s it possible that Simpson has 
effectively blocked out what happened 
the night of the murders? 

BUGLIOSI: I find that completely far- 
fetched. I think he’s a psychopath. He 
has no conscience. In his mind he's O.J. 
Simpson, she was a bitch and had it com- 
ing. During the slow-speed chase he sup- 
posedly told his mother on the cellular 
phone, "Ma, it was all her fault." Well, 
the defense would have obviously ar- 
gued that what he meant was, she was 
hanging around with the wrong group 
of people and that's why the murders 
happened. But I think you and I know 
what he meant. I was asked on a talk 
show—it was his birthday—what would 
1 give Simpson as a gift? I said a con- 
science, so he can suffer. 

PLAYBOY: What did you think of the 
judge who ruled that Simpson could 
have his children back? 

BUGLIOSI: The judge was off base; there 
was no excuse for her to do what she did. 
All she had to do was wait until the avil 
tial was over. By not waiting it can only 
be helpful to Simpson for the jury to 
know that he got custody, particularly in 
the area of damages, because the jury 
might think whatever damages they 
award would not only be punishing him 
but also his innocent children. Simpson 
has gotten every conceivable break in 
the world. 

PLAYBOY: You've said that you've seen 
many murderers in your life, but none 
approached Simpson for audacity. Not 
even Charlie Manson? 

BUGLIOSI: No, no. Manson would not do 
this. Manson certainly was more evil 
than Simpson. Manson wanted to mur- 
der as many people as he could, but 
there was an element of honesty to him. 
Normally a defendant never talks to the 
prosecutor until he's on the stand, but 
Manson was always wanting to talk to 
me, trying to get control over my mind. 
And when we talked I'd say, "Charlie, 
you're not fooling me, I know you're re- 
sponsible for these murders.” He'd say, 
“Yeah, I'm responsible for these mur 
ders the way violence on TV is, the way 
thc. Beatles are.” Instead of saying, 
“Vince, you know I had nothing to do 
with these murders.” He wouldn't do 
that, there was a slight element of hon- 
esty about him. But I've never seen any- 
one with the guts of Simpson. Can you 
imagine, a couple of days after nearly 
decapitating Nicole to refer to himself as 
а battered husband? 

PLAYBOY: One last Simpson question: 
What if he really didn't do it? 

BUGLIOSI: [Laughs] What if I had wings 


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Cuervo Gold Margarita. ү Е 
tf you dort ask for it, it's Just some funky al 
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and could fly? What if he didn't do it? Je- 
sus, then all the people like me owe him 
a big apology. The question isnt, Did he 
or didn't he do it. The question is, Is it 
possible for him to be innocent? And the 
answer is, He can't be innocent. Not in 
the world in which we live. Only in a fan- 
tasy world can you have the Hi 
mountain of evidence against him like 
this and have him be innocent. If he's in- 
nocent then these two poor people are 
sull alive. 
PLAYBOY: Your outspokenness has defi- 
nitely made you a media darling. How 
has it affected your life? 
BUGLIOS!: People see me on TV or hear 
me on radio and think I want this. I 
cringe every time I hear from rhe media. 
I turn everyone down. I even turned 
down David Brinkley and they kept call- 
ing back until I went on. But I got more 
than 500 requests during the trial and 
turned down 95 percent. I had no desire 
to see my mug on TV and I don't view 
myself as a celebrity. 
PLAYBOY: Because you're not afraid to say 
what's on your mind, you're labeled by 
some as opinionated and arrogant. 
BUGLIOSI: People say I'm an extreme- 
ly opinionated person. If opinionated 
means that when I think I'm right I try 
to shove it down everyone's throat, they 
are correct. But if opinionated means 
that I have opinions on a lot of things, 
you'd have to search far and wide to find 
jee of fewer opinions than 1 have. As 
for arrogant, I am arrogant and I'm 
kind of caustic. I'm a little more arrogant 
and abrasive vis-à-vis the Simpson case 
than I normally am because I'm an- 
gry here. The great majority of people I 
deal with are hopelessly incompetent, so 
there's an air of superiority about me. 
PLAYBOY: You were pretty angry when 
you prosecuted Manson. Which case was 
bigger: Manson's or Simpson's? 
BUGLIOSI; The Simpson case is ten times 
bigger than the Manson case. Manson 
was a lot bigger in Europe than Simpson 
was because Roman Polanski is from 
there, as was one of the victims. 
PLAYBOY: The Manson case put you in the 
spotlight and really changed your life. 
How did you see it differently from your 
co-prosecutors? 
BUGLIOSI: When I first got on the case my 
co-prosecutor, the LAPD, was talking 
about robbery and about conventional 
motives. As soon as I saw the writing on 
the wall and HELTER SKELTER and the fact 
that there was very little taken—if any- 
thing at all—from the murder scene, 1 
immediately started thinking that these 
murderers are trained, their motive is 
going to be bizarre. It turned out to be 
even more bizarre than I expected. 
PLAYBOY: Even though we've seen mur- 
derers such as John Wayne Gacy, Ted 
Bundy, Jeffrey Dahmer, Richard Ra- 
mirez, you still believe that Manson is 
the most frightening murderer of them 
62 all Why? 


PLAYROY 


BUGLIOSI: Manson is more dangerous 
than the other Killers we've had in Amer- 
ica because he possesses two characteris- 
tics that don't normally coexist in the 
same human being. The first is that he 
wanted to kill everyone. The other is his 
phenomenal ability to dominate and 
control. I probably couldn't persuade 
someone to go to the local Dairy Queen 
to get a milk shake for me. Here's this 
guy getting people to Kill for him and 
having no remorse for the murders they 
commit. Normally, if someone wants to 
murder everyone he's not going to have 
this trait of control and domination. 

When you have both of these character- 
ics in one person then you have a 
Hitler type. A Manson type. 

PLAYBOY: Had somebody bought some of 
Manson's songs early on, would Manson 
have become a pop idol rather than a 
cult figure of such evil? 

BUGLIOSI: Could be. That's what he 
wanted more than anything else. If 
someone had bought Hitler's paintings 
in Vienna in 1918 maybe we wouldn't 
have had World War Two. People зау 
that Manson didn't have a good child- 
hood. His mother was always taking off. 
She'd turn him over to friends for a cou- 
ple hours and then would disappear for 
weeks or months. But there are thou- 
sands of people who have similar back- 
grounds, and they don't end up mass 
murderers. 

PLAYBOY: Manson receives more mail 
than any other inmate in the history of 
the U.S. prison system. His case has con- 
tinued to intrigue millions of people the 
world over. Do you think you might have 
had anything to do with thar? 

BUGLIOSI: To a limited degree. 

PLAYBOY: Well, Alex Ross wrote in The 
New Yorker that your book Helter Skelter is 
too strong for its own good. "Bugliosi ag- 
grandized a savage con man into the 
archconspirator of the age. The author 
deserves thanks for insuring that Man- 
son will undoubtedly never leave jail, but 
the book that maintains his infamy also 
maintains his fame.” 

BUGLIOSI: It's a valid point. But are you 
suggesting I shouldn't have written the 
book? When the trial was over I kept ex- 
pecting someone of Truman Capote's 
stature to write a book about the case. 

But there was no one, and that's when I 
decided to do it. 

PLAYBOY: What's harder, being a trial 
lawyer or a writer? 

BUGLIOSI: Writing. I don't care to write. 
I don't even view myself as а writer, 
though it's what I do for a living. I view. 
myself as a lawyer who happens to have 
gotten into writing. My wife doesn't want 
me to denigrate my writing ability. She 
says a lot of people like the way I write. 
But to me a real writer is someone who 
sits down and creates stuff. 1 don't create 
anything, 1 just work with documents, 
transcripts and police reports, and 1 in- 
terpret. I don't have any aspiration to be 


a great writer. That's why most of my 
books have co-authors. 
PLAYBOY: In Helter Skelter you wrote that 
Manson became the high priest of anti- 
establishment hatred. Do societies need 
dark figures to balance things somehow? 
BUGLIOSI: People have said to me that 
you must have evil because without it 
people wouldn't appreciate goodness. 
Well, I'd rather climinate all the atroci- 
ties, the Holocaust and all that shit and 
not appreciate good. Just have it where 
people don't kill one another. I would be 
willing to sacrifice this beautiful revela- 
tion of good if we didn't have all this oth- 
er stuff. 
PLAYBOY: Should any of the Manson peo- 
ple—Susan Atkins, Patricia Krenwinkel, 
Leslie Van Houten, Robert Beausoleil, 
Charles Watson—ever be paroled? 
BUGLIOSI: Nope. Rehabilitation is the 
least important reason we put people be- 
hind bars. There are two other reasons: 
deterrence and retribution. That’s why 
we have laws, to deter prospective crimi- 
nals from violating the laws. And retri- 
bution is another name for justice. How 
can you have justice without retribution? 
s was convicted of eight murders. 
26 years later—that’s less than 
three and a half years a murder. Not. 
enough. 
PLAYBOY: You've written a controversial 
book about how to end the drug crisis in 
America. How serious is the drug prob- 
lem in relation to other social and eco- 
nomic issues? 
BUGLIOSI: I view it as the most serious in- 
ternal crisis this nation has faced since 
the Civil War. And that’s why we have 
to take drastic, revolutionary measures. 
The Gulf war showed what this nation 
does when it’s serious about something 
as colossally insignificant in the scheme 
of things as the price of oil. Within a 
couple of months we mobilized 500,000 
troops and got the support of 28 nations. 
We're not serious about solving this drug 
problem. Carter, Bush and Clinton are 
all good people, but they're not going to 
Cross the street in the rain without an 
umbrella to solve the problem because 
it's erroneously perceived to be insolu- 
ble. But if you start throwing presidents 
out of office because they're not solving 
the drug problem, a cure will be found 
very quickly. 
PLAYBOY: What would you do if you were 
president? 
BUGLIOSI: The easiest thing to do would 
be to use the muscular approach. Send 
down a mission to seize and apprehend 
the architects and authors of this cocaine 
blitz into America. Cocaine is the source 
of crack, which is at the root of the orgy 
of despair and bloodshed in our inner 
cities. We have to go to the source of the 
problem. We know we can't eradicate co- 
ca because it grows all over the world at 
elevations between 1500 and 6000 feet. 
Education doesn't work. Virtually every 
(continued on page 174) 


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PLAYBOY—month in and month out—it's at the top of its game. (Source: Fall 1996 MRI.) 


64 


Fiction By Raymond Benson 


NEW JAMES BOND ENTURE 


PART ONE 


ro 
minus Теп 


bond is the first westerner in hong kong 


ever to witness the triad's secret initiation 


ritual-if they find him they will kill him 


he Rolls-Royce drove 
south to Boundary 
Street and then east 
across the peninsula. 
The road soon merged 
with Prince Edward Road West and 
the Rolls turned off into the area 
known as Kowloon, not far from Kai 
Tak Airport. It pulled into a narrow, 
dingy alley and stopped. James 
Bond told the taxi driver to let him 
off at the corner, and he managed to 
get out without being seen. 

It was not a well-lit or inviting 
neighborhood. In fact, if Bond's 
memory served him correctly, he 
was near where the infamous 
Walled City used to be. This notori- 
ous pocket of vice and squalor had 
always been an embarrassment. A 
park was now being developed on 
the site. But to Bond, the absence of 
the Walled City didnt make the 
neighborhood seem any friendlier. 
The side streets south of the pro- 
posed park were just as sinister. It 
was a good place for Triads to op- 
erate, and it was precisely where 
James Bond now found himself. 


Bond watched the men get out of 
the Rolls. They entered a shabby 
building, and the Rolls drove away. 
He waited a minute, then stealthily 
crept toward the middle of the al- 
ley. Li Xu Nan and Scarface had 
entered what appeared to be an 
abandoned building. The door was 
loose on its hinges, and the windows 
were either broken or completely 
missing. 

Bond decided to climb up to the 
second floor and slip through one 
of the windows. It wasn't difficult 
to get a foothold. Once inside, he 
found himself in a dark room with a 
wooden floor. The slats in the floor 
were loose, allowing light from the 
level below to seep through. If 
he wasn't careful, the floor would 
creak. He got down on his stomach 
and snaked along the floor, distrib- 
uting his weight so the noise would 
be minimal. Through the slats, he 
could see several men milling. 
around, preparing for some kind of 
meeting. They were dressed in 
black robes resembling those worn 
by Buddhist monks, with white 


PAINTING BY RENT WILUANS. 


PLAYBOY 


66 


sashes serving as belts. They also wore 
strange headbands made of red cloth, 
with the free ends hanging over the 
front of their bodies. There were a 
number of large loops, or knots, in the 
headbands. Bond searched his memo- 
ry for what he knew about Triads and 
their initiation ceremonies. If they 
were about to perform a rite, he could 
very possibly be the only Westerner 
ever to witness it. He had to make sure 
he was silent, as they would surely kill 
him if they found him. 

An altar stood at the west end of the 
room, illuminated solely by candle- 
light. A large red wooden bucket filled 
with rice was in front of the altar. Four 
Chinese characters adorned the out- 
side of the bucket; Bond translated 
them as “pine,” “cedar” (both of which 
signify longevity to the Chinese), 
“peach” and "plum" (both of which de- 
note loyalty). 

He remembered that the bucket was 
called the Tau and that it contained 
various precious objects of the society, 
including five sets of four triangular 
flags, or pennants, which represented 
the names of legendary ancestors of 
the five Lodges of Triad societies. 

The altar had a number of peculiar 
items on and around it. Above the Tau 
hung a sheet of red paper. It bore char- 
acters indicating the hope that the so- 
ciety would flourish throughout the 
country. Among the other items were 
brass lamps, a pot of wine and five wine 
bowls, an incense pot for holding joss 
sticks, dishes of fresh fruit and flowers 
anda large mixing bowl. A sheet of yel- 
low paper Benue the names of the 
Triad’s recruits hung above the altar. 
Written on five small triangular flags 
were characters meaning wood, fire, 
metal, earth and water, 

Bond heard a drumbeat and the 
room became silent. Li Xu Nan, 
dressed in a red robe, entered the 
room and sat to the left of the altar. As 
he was Cho Kun, the Dragon Head, his 
was the only robe decorated with char- 
acters. On his left arm was a white 
circle containing the Chinese charac- 
ter meaning heaven. On his right arm 
was the character meaning earth. On 
his back were two distinct characters 
meaning sun and moon. When com- 
bined they meant Ming. On the front 
of the robe was an octagonal symbol 
of the Pat Kwa, or Eight Diagrams. In 
the center of the octagon was the yin 
and yang symbol of opposing yet com- 
plementary forces, upon which a ma- 
jor portion of Chinese philosophical 
thought was based. Magical powers 
were ascribed to this venerated em- 
blem, and for this reason the symbol 
was frequently employed by priests, 
necromancers, geomancers and ordi- 
nary people as а good-luck or pro- 


tective charm 

The man Bond referred to as Scar- 
face entered the room and sat to the 
right of the altar. He was wearing a 
white robe and was the only man with a 
string of prayer beads around his neck. 
Bond knew Triad ceremonies were 
usually led by an official known as the 
Heung Chu, or Incense Master, who 
acted as a spiritual leader and was 
sometimes second-in-command of the 
society. Scarface was obviously the In- 
cense Master: 

Two men in black robes stood at the 
extreme east end of the room, holding 
swords to block the entrance to the 
Lodge. Four Chinese teenagers stood 
outside the swords. They were dressed 
in simple white shirts and trousers 
These were the recruits. Another offi- 
cial in a black robe, the recruiting of- 
ficer, moved from the altar down to the 
east end and began the ceremony. 

The recruiting officer turned his 
right shoulder to the guards and called 
out in Cantonese, "Lower the net!" He 
made a sign with his left hand, denot- 
ing his rank within the organization. 
The guards then performed the secret 
handshake of the society. 

The officer addressed the recruits in 
Cantonese, “Why do you come here?” 

The recruits replied in unison, “We 
come to enlist and obtain rations.” 

“There are no rations for our army.” 

“We bring our own." 

“The red rice of our army 
sand and stones. Can you cat it 

“If our brothers can eat 
we.” 
“When you see the beauty of our 
sworn sisters and sisters-in-law, will you 
have adulterous ideas?" 

"No," the recruits replied emphati- 
cally. "We would not dare to." 

“If offered a reward by the govern- 
ment, even as much as 10,000 taels of 
gold, to arrest your brothers, would 
you do so?" 

“Мо. We would not dare to." 

“If you have spoken truly, you are 
loyal and righteous and may enter the 
city to swear allegiance and protect the 
country with your concerted efforts.” 

The recruits each handed the officer 
some money and in return received a 
Joss stick, which they held in both 
hands. The recruits then crawled un- 
der the raised swords, symbolizing that 
they were passing through a mountain 
of knives. 

Scarface, the Incense Master, took 
the warrant flag of the leader from the 
Tau and displayed it to everyone in 
the room. 

“The Five Founders bestow on me 
the banner of authority,” he said. “With 
it I will bring fresh troops into the city. 

We will pledge fraternity according to 
the will of heaven. None must reveal 


the secrets that may be disclosed to 
him. The brethren have elected me to 
take charge of the Lodge, and have 
entrusted the seal of authority to my 
care. I am determined to exercise my 
authority.” 

The Incense Master turned to three 
minor officials near the altar, who were 
next in the chain of command. They 
were known as the White Paper Fan, 
who acted as an advisor or counselor; 
the Red Pole, who was a fighter and 
trainer; and the Straw Sandal, who act- 
ed as a messenger and as communica- 
tions officer. 

"The Incense Master said to tlie Straw 
Sandal, “Ап order has been issued 
from the Five Ancestors’ Altar. Inves- 
ugation must be made around the 
Lodge. If police are present to spy on 
us, they must be relentlessly washed.” 
With that, he handed the Straw Sandal 
a warrant Rag and a sword. 

Bond knew that “washed” meant 
killed. The Straw Sandal went around 
the room, checking the identities and 
hand signs of everyone present. When 
he was finished, he handed back the 
flag and sword, saying, “I now return 
the warrant flag in front of the Five An- 
cestors’ Altar. Thorough search has 
been made of the Lodge. Everywhere 
was searched. All are surnamed Hung.” 

This confused Bond until he remem- 
bered that Hung Mun was a universal 
surname meaning Triad Society. 

The Incense Master lit the two tall 
brass lamps on the altar, saying, “Two 
old trees, onc on either side, will bring 
stability to the nation. Heroes are re- 
cruited from all parts of the country. 
Tonight we pledge fraternity in the 
Red Flower Pavilion.” Next he lit five 
joss sticks, then held them in both 
hands. He began to recite a lengthy 
poem. 

“We worship heaven and earth by 
the three lights. Our ancestors arose to 
support the Ming. The Hung door is 
open wide and our brothers are many. 
Hung children are taught to remem- 
ber the oaths and rules. Politeness, 
righteousness, wisdom, faithfulness 
and virtue are our fundamental rules. 
The three talents—heaven, earth and 
man—combine to establish the nation. 
We dedicate ourselves by the drawing 
of blood. Our ancestors showed their 
loyalty by sacrificing themselves for the 
emperor." 

Scarface placed the five joss sticks in 
the main incense pot on the altar at 
the five cardinal points—north, east, 
south, west and center. As he did this, 
he said, "The smoke of the incense 
sticks reaches the Heavenly Court, 
penetrates the earth, rises to the cen- 
ter, rises to the Flower Pavilion and 
reaches the City of Willows. We pledge 

(continued on page 128) 


ieu ALLELE OTT 


“1 just bring groceries, ma’am. I don't have time for phone sex.” 


67 


E he dentist's office 
| takes some pretty 

bad knocks. After all, 
Й itis that creepy, anti- 
septic cell where, facing a 
gleaming array of pointy 
appliances, you're forced 
to endure procedures that 
may be better suited to the 
extraction of national se- 
curity information. Ah, 
but that daunting recliner 
next to the small, bubbling 
sink also puts you front 
row-center for one of life's 
great underrated plea- 
sures—the species known 
as the dental assistant. 

She is a vision in white, 
and every bit the woman: 
often alluring, frequently 
intrusive, always intense. 
Her job is to probe, pinch 
and tweak—yet what is it 
about her that can turn a 
potentially punishing 45 
minutes into something 
more like an afternoon at a 
spa? Maybe it's the way she 
presses up against you, her 
fingers gently trailing over 
your lips, then slipping in- 
to your mouth. Maybe it's 
the way she sees through 
you, even as she's X-raying 
your bicuspids. Maybe it's 
simply the way she softly 
commands you to "open." 

And, of course, she does 
it all within kissing range. 

So put on your bib, gar- 
gle and relax. This won't 
hurt a bit. 


meet the women who make dentistry a gas 


Check out the latest in dental uniforms. Kim Holliday (opposite) is a hygienist fram Alabama. When 
she's not doing the pick-flass-and-palish grind, she spends her time cross-stitching, cooking ond (erit 
those teeth, gentlemen) hanging out with her husband. Our focthcare teom doesn’t end with Kim. 
Meet Tammi Slater (top lefi), c dental office manager fram Arlington, Texas; Oklahoma's Tammy Lynn 
Brewer (top right), o full-fledged D.D.S. who savors French literature; ond Cindy Lancaster (abave), a 
surgical assistant from Rockville, Maryland. For more of this tacthsame threesome, tum the page. 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY ARNY FREYTAG 


69 


OK, ladies, time to grin and bare it. Althaugh Tammi Slater (tailgating, opposite) spends her days among 
X rays, drill bits and spit bawls, she also enjays life's toothless pleasures, such as in-line skating, mountain 
biking and soaking up spring thundershowers. Dr. Tammy Lynn Brewer (below) began daing volunteer 
work while in dental schoal. Since then she has taken her skills to homeless shelters and missions, as well 
as to Mexico and the Amazon. And thaugh Cindy Lancaster (bottom) has a decent pair of hands when it 
comes ta assisting in oral surgery, her dexterity doesn't stop there. She's also а wicked flower arranger. 


Things could be worse thon moking o living in sunny Florido, soys Shary Gouthro (risk- 
ing covities, below left), Her dentol office digs are close enough to the water to keep. 
her water-skiing and beoch volleyball tolents in top form. For Californio notive 
Stephonie McDonold (below righi), being a dentol ossistont is just o stop before her 
reol ombition. The U. of Phoenix business student plons to become o big-shot CEO. 


Having trouble remembering to brush? Post this picture over the sink and you will be 
a leon, meon gleam machine. Dentol ossistont Evo Kweitel (opposite) wos born in 
Poland, attended high school in Queens ond now studies medicine ot o community 
college in Miomi. Evo olso ploys tennis, proctices dance ond studies nutrition. "I love to 
educote myself,” she soys. "1 want to ochieve the ultimote in heolth and hoppiness.” 


Billie Jean Aldrich (chilling out, above) is a dental hygienist from Tor- 
rance, California who loves hockey (ice and roller), music (rock, not 
rap) ond the sparkling beaches of Hawaii. Although Sarah Shecht- 
man (right) works for a Florida arthodontist, her true calling is to be 
“the best mommy ever.” [Her one-year-old son is on angel, she 
brags; we say Mom's heavenly, too.) Lounging on the lips below is 
Stefanie Coldwell, a water-skier and rafter who assists o dentist in 
her native Oregon. And San Francisco’s Briana Acheson (posing оз 
the prettiest plaque in the West, opposite) stayed on in California to 
assist a Sonoma County dentist. “I love fast cars, camping and bar- 
becuing," she says. That's fine, Briana—just remember to floss. 


76 


HOWARD STER 


PRIVATIE PARTS 


N I$ TAKING HIS 


SNTS THE BIG 


AT, YOU'RE SHOCKED? 


jomienooD) 


or 13 years you've listened to Howard 
Stern. You've heard him mock, gripe, 
ridicule and sneer. You've found him 
gross, you've found him boring, 
you've even found ийи juvenile. But 
mostly he's made you laugh. You've 
heard him obsess about his penis and 
who he'd like to fuck. You've heard 
him rate the size of his colleague's breasts, and the gener- 
al level of mendacity of everyone from the coffee boy to 
Kathie Lee Gifford. You've heard him spar with his wife, 
haggle with his father and throw himself into a Butt Bon- 
go Нема. All this makes you think you know him, or at 
least know him well enough to be on edge. You're about 
to meet him. 

You're driving to the train station and you turn on the 
radio. Today Howard's guest is Norm MacDonald, the 
guy who does the wicked Bob Dole impersonation on Sat- 
urday Night Live. Norm is talking about his dad—respect- 
fully, with affection even. However, Norm does allow that 
his father was a bit strict. “He'd beat you, Norm?” asks 
Howard. Norm hesitates before he replies. In 
tion he betrays fear or perhaps guilt. Maybe 
quisite comic timing. Most likely, it's a uny lump of indig- 
nation that he must swallow before he goes along with the 
joke. Because he does go along, and soon Norm is 
yakking about how he saw his dad and mom getting it on, 
and how his dad spanked him, and Howard’s gang goes 
“Ooh!” and Howard asks Norm if he was bare-bottomed 
when he got it, and if his father was 
bare-bottomed when he gave it. 

Then he asks Norm about strip clubs. 
Norm is not much into them. He 
doesn't like girls pretending to like him. 
Howard, on the other hand, does: 
“Throw her $20, see her act like a pi- 


PROFILE 


BY JAMIE MALANOWSKI 


geon.” Norm discloses that he’s an ass man, so much so 
that one day in the can at NBC he grew so captivated by 
the thought of a certain ass that he began, well- 

“Pleasuring yourself?” submits Howard. 

“Yealı,” says Nuri, who adınis that it was, in fact, such 
a distracting interlude of pleasure that he left the bath- 
room without wiping. So there you are—leaving your car, 
about to board the train—remembering something that 
Len Blum said about Howard. Len 1s the writer of 
Howard’s new film, and he's been thinking about 
Howard for the past two years. “Howard,” he says, “is the 
voice of the unconscious.” Which explains how he gets 
normally tongue-tied dental technicians to call in and talk 
about their experiments in lesbianism, and how once he 
inspired a perfectly levelheaded woman you worked with 
to phone up and share the intimate details of her date 
with Jerry Seinfeld. It's how he got Libby Pataki, wife of 
the governor of New York State—a Republican, for God's 
sake!—to allow that there might be something special in 
the area of marital relations waiting for her hubby the 
night after his election victory. In the space of ten min- 
utes he gets Norm MacDonald to go from a discussion of 
his father, a paragon of Canadian rectitude, to confes- 
sions of masturbation and ass-wiping neglect. 


In some societies, when people want to open them- 
selves to the voice of the unconscious, they build a bonfire 
and carve a model of a gigantic erect penis, and then they 
dance around it until they loosen up. In 
our society, the voice is on the radio, 
writes best-selling books and is now 
starring in a movie about its life. 

Quite clearly 1997 isa watershed year 
for Howard Stern. He's at the top of 
one game and about to start in another. 


ILLUSTRATION BY CHARLES BURNS. 


PLAYROY 


78 


His record on radio is unprecedented, 
and he's written two bestsellers. It's 
true that he hasn't exactly conquered 
television: His weekly late-night show 
never quite found itself, but he did do 
а $15 million pay-per-view special and 
the videotaped version of the radio 
show is going strong on the E! net- 
work. All this success has, of course, 
made him rich and famous. 

His successes will be dwarfed if the 
movie hits. Private Farts, starring How- 
ard Stern, based on the book Private 
Parts by Howard Stern, recounting the 
life of Howard Stern (how he con- 
quered radio and won the love of a 
good woman), opened in March. The 
smart money says it is likely to be a hit. 
Smart people made it. Talented people 
are behind it. The script is funny and 
well conceived. It features radio bits to 
please hard-core fans and a strong per- 
sonal story that should interest inci- 
dental listeners. And, from the few 
pieces we've seen, Howard is a persua- 
Sive actor. Sure, things could happen. 
The picture could get botched in post- 
production, or Ebola virus could break 
out on Long Island and eradicate 
Stern's most dedicated fans. But take it 
from us: We've seen the map, we've 
seen the car, we've seen the highway. 
You can get there from here. Howard 
Stern, the King of All Media, will final- 
ly add the cinema to his domain. 

Although he may not. And there's a 
risk in that. We know what sometimes 
happens when people get what they 
want. Al Davis wanted the Raiders in 
Los Angeles so much he sued the NFL. 
Now he's back in Oakland. Deion 
Sanders wanted to play both ways. He 
hasn't made anybody forget Jerry Rice, 
David Letterman was going great until 
he hosted the Oscars. A couple “Uma, 
Oprah” jokes later, he had laid an egg 
he still hasn't completely cleaned up. 
Bob Dole really wanted that Republi- 
can nomination. 

We won't even touch David Caruso. 

So there is a risk here, but it’s a risk 
Stern has courted for a long time. The 
notion of Howard in a movie has been 
knocking around for five or six years, 
and in an industry where two seasons 
on Saturday Night Live can make you a 
leading man, the first question has to 
be: What took him so long? 

. 


“The problem was that I could never 
find a movie I wanted to make," 
Howard says. "I had meetings with 
every damn studio—Paramount, Uni- 
versal, whatever. I was wined and 
dined by them all. They asked me, 
"What movie do you want to таке?” I 
said, `1 don't know, do you guys have а 
good script?” Everything they sent me 
sucked. They were like Coneheads III: 


Howard's a garbageman and he be- 
comes a rock star. Then the Mafia's af- 
ter him, so he hides in the Catskills. 
Shit like that. I mean, what the fuck?” 

Howard is recalling his odyssey in his 
office at the studio on Madison Avenue. 
It combines a small shrine to Private 
Parts (the book) with promotional para- 
phernalia and amateur drawings of his 
producer Gary Dell'Abate, the famous 
Baba Booey. On the radio or on EI, sit- 
ting behind his desk, behind his glass- 
es, under his headphones, under his 
hair, muttering, wisecracking, mouth- 
ing off, Howard comes across as the 
goof-off you knew (or were) in high 
School. Stern isn't like that in person. 
He leans forward, he makes eye con- 
tact, he plays to you. He is a voluble, 
energetic storyteller. He is confident 
and smart and surefooted. He is lik- 
able. He has presence. Which is odd, 
for his career has been built in radio, 
where physical presence is irrelevant. 

“People said, Jesus, what's the differ- 
ence what the movie is? We'll make 
tons of money.’ I said, “Yeah, but my ca- 
reer will be over. It’s not just about 
making money at this point—it's about 
doing something decent, 100.” 

The project Stern put into develop- 
ment with New Line was The Adventures 
of Fartman. This was decided when 
Howard guested on The Tonight Show. 
When Jay Leno asked him what movie 
he was doing, he blurted out “Fartman.” 
As it turned out, a screenwriter named 
Д.Е. Lawton, who had written Pretty 
Woman and Under Siege, saw the show 
and called New Line to say he'd like to 
write the screenplay. "New Line was 
floored,” says Stern. "They didn't want 
to do Fartman—I didn't even want to do 
Fartman—but now there's this guy call- 
ing who they would give their left nut. 
to work with." 

Even though Lawton turned in a 
script that Stern liked—the opening of 
it appears in comic-book form in 
Stern's second book, Miss America—the 
deal with New Line collapsed in an ar- 
gument over merchandising. “I've al- 
ways avoided that kind of shit,” Stern 
says. “I don’t want to put outa Howard 
Stern T-shirt or a Fartman doll. It 
smacks of desperation. It's like Rush 
Limbaugh. He always reminds me of a 
guy who thinks his career is going to 
end any minute, because he’s selling 
his audience neckties! And tape re- 
corders to record the show! At some 
point, your audience gets fed up.” 

Stern says they kicked around some 
terms, but, as we all know, Farman nev- 
er flew. So he hid himself in his base- 
ment and wrote Private Parts. The book 
is, in part, his account of how a nerdy 
kid from Long Island grew up to 
achieve astounding success, and how 
he found true love along the way. The 


story recounts how he honed his style, 
conquered the tough New York market. 
at WNEC, bauled with station execu- 
tives and became a national celebrity. 
The book, of course, became a huge 
hit, and brought Hollywood back to his 
door. This time he signed with Rysher 
(‘a new company with shitloads of 
money”), and two weeks later he had a 
screenplay. 

Stern, who had script approval, hat- 
ed it. “They had Richard Simmons 
running through my house, babysit- 
ting my kids—there was nothing to do 
with my life.” He turned them down, 
and Rysher sent new screenplays, none 
of which pleased him. 

The juggling of scripts lasted almost 
two years. Rysher finally told him that 
the company thought he was afraid to 
make the movie, and it was thinking of 
getting Jeff Goldblum to portray Stern 
in the film. “I said, ‘Contractually, I 
don’t know if you have that right— 
maybe you do—but I'm telling you, the 
only draw here is that people are going 
to see me playing те!” At this point, 
some behind-the-scenes negotiations 
took place. and Ivan Reitman, who 
produced and directed Ghostbusters, 
Twins and Dave, became the producer 
of Private Parts. 

"To adapt Private Parts, Reitman en- 
listed Len Blum, who had written or 
co-written Meatballs, Stripes and Bee- 
thoven’s 2nd for Reitman. Blum imme- 
diately plotted to secure a broad audi- 
ence—namely women. If the movie 
was going to take off, figured Blum, he 
had to pack the house with more than 
just mail clerks. Some guys had to get 
their dates to go. And Stern suffered 
from a gender gap as wide as Newt 
Gingrich's. "I had to attack them 
through Alison." 

Ah yes, Alison: Stern's wife of more 
than 20 years, the mother of their chil- 
dren, his tie to normalcy, the Beauty 
who does not exactly transform the 
Beast, but at least makes everyone 
think that maybe he’s not so bad. Get- 
ting Alison right became a major goal 
of the whole creative team (which now 
included director Betty Thomas). 
Eventually they gave the part to Mary 
McCormack, who plays the pretty, 
smart and ever-so-slightly bad Justine 
on Murder One. “Му best work has been 
done with women,” says Stern, point- 
ing to Thomas, his sidekick Robin 
Quivers, his book editor Judith Regan 
and the producer of his TV show, Fran 
Shea. “I enjoy working with women. 1 
think most of the women in my life en- 
јоу being around me. The idea that I'm 
a misogynist or a male chauvinist pig— 
1 get that rap because I talk about sex- 
uality from a guy's point of view. 1 say 
I'd like to have sex with a lot of young 

(continued on page 164) 


"Shall I come in, my sweet? Are you ready for me yet?” 


80 


Playboy's History of the Sexual Revolution 
PART Ш (1920—1929) 


AT A SMALL church in 
Muncie, Indiana, а 
well-meaning Sunday 
school teacher talks 
of the temptation, the 
spiritual dangers posed 
by physical comfort, 
wealth and fame. 

"Can you think of 
any temptation we 
have today that Jesus 
didn't have?" he asks. 

"Speed!" one boy 
shouts out. 

Speed. Nor just the 
urge to step on the gas 
in the family Ford, but 
an entirely new feeling 
of acceleration and ex- 
cirement. Thomas Edi- 
son tells the readers of 
The Saturday Evening 
Post that “the automo- 
bile has accustomed 
everyone to speed, to 
quickness of action and 
to control, as well as re- 
moving the mystery 
from machinery. The 
motion picture has in- 
creased the quickness 
of perception to a real- 
ly remarkable degree. 
Ihe motion picture— 
no matter what one 
may think of the pic- 


ZZ 


ARTICLE BY JAMES R. PETERSEN 


tures presented—is the 
greatest quickener of 
brain action we have 
ever had." An ad in the 
same magazine pro- 
claims: "Go to a motion 
picture and let yourself 

ee brilliant men, 
beautiful jazz babies, 
champagne baths, mid- 
night revels, petting 
parties in the purple 
dawn, all ending in one 
terrific smashing cli- 

hat makes you 
gasp.” 

A Muncie judge in- 
terviewed for the 1929 
study Middletown tells 
Robert and Helen 
Lynd, two sociologists 
studying small-town 
America, that a weekly 
diet of movies is cor- 
rupting youth. The 
habitual “linking of the 
taking of long chances 


Rolf Armstrong created 
fimeless images of the 
American Girl (lefi) for a 
calendar сотропу. But it 
was the fully clothed flop- 
per ond her friend (right) 
who danced and petted 
their way inta history. 


ILLUSTRATION BY STEVE ВОЗИСК 


AAC, 


The movies held us 
spellbound. Clara Bow 
(left) was the “Н” girl, 
possessor of the "strange 
magnetism which ot- 
tracts both sexes." Per- 
haps it wos her bee- 
stung lips, or her 
dimpled knees (there is а 
rumor that а publicity 
shot gave rise to the 
phrase the bee's knees). 
She was the ultimate 
122 baby. Movies were a 
universal art form: The 
world fell in love with 
Charlie Chaplin's Litile 
Tramp (right). Actors and 
actresses became o new 
royalty, but celebrity did 
not protect them fram 
romantic ficscos. One of 
Bow's beoux slashed his 
wrists; unplanned preg- 
noncies prompted Chop- 
lin’s first two morriodes— 
both to underage girls. 


In the Twenties everyone wos sophisticated, or imagined they were. НІ. Mencken, archcurmudgean 
ond arbiter of toste, railed agains! the booboisie in the pages af Smor! Set (below left). Tabloids and the 
telephane created o world governed by gossip. We were c culture swept by singular events: The Paul 
Whiteman band (below, upper right) had ane of the first millian-sellers with Whispering. Prohibi- 
tion brought us boatleggers, portable stills ond police raids (below right), bathtub gin and speckeosies. 


and the happy ending,” he 
says, is one of the main 
causes of delinquency. It is 
also, one suspects, the very 
soul of America. 

A young writer named 
F Scott Fitzgerald captures 
the spirit of the age in sto- 
ries about petting parties 
and daring debutantes, 
one of whom briefly pon- 
ders the nature of her rep- 
utation and the series of es- 
capades that led to her 
nickname “Speed.” Fitz- 
gerald’s fiction reveals a 
flickering world of silk hats 
and fur, jeweled throats, 
women with tight coiffures 
and men with slick hair, 
a kaleidoscope of young 
people made beautiful by 
the bright lights of a carni- 
val city. His Tales of the Jazz 
Age names this era of flam- 
ing youth, of flappers in 
short skirts and cloche 
hats, of college boys in bell- 
bottoms and raccoon coats, 
of hip flasks and frivolity, 
of decadence and debunk- 
ing, of flagpole sitters and 
mah-jongg, of sheiks and 
shebas. Jazz—the music 
that left behind the score, 
that wrought sounds from 


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The Twenties gove us F. Scott 
Fitzgerald (ор left), flagpole sitter 
Shipwreck Kelly (top right) ond 
sheiks ond shebas (actress Evelyn 
Brent in publicity still, far right). Pin-up 
greot Alberto Vargas learned trade 
while working with the Ziegfeld Follies 
(sheet music, above). Less glarifying was 
the trinket (right)—turn it upside down 
and cover her foce. The Cadillac (below) 
epitomized the pre-Crosh American dream. 


SAA Y IE IE IN) (CW IL IN DER S 


Life 


FRESHMAN NUMBER 


September 301926 Price 15 cents 


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25% 


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instruments in ways that were never 
dreamt of by Johann Sebastian Bach. 
Jazz—a slang word for sex—now con- 
notes all that is new and modern 

The nation seems to be intoxicated by 
youth, John Held captures the life of the 
campus crowd in drawings for Life and 
College Humor. Joe College and Betty Co- 
ed set the standard for the decade. Co- 
eds flatten their breasts with the newfan- 
gled brassieres; they not only show a 
little leg, they draw additional attention 
to themselves by rolling down their 
stockings and powdering their knees. 
They smoke and, if not exactly indulging 
in sexual escapades themselves, admit 


Fitzgerald gave the Jazz Age its name, but artist John Held's cartoons gave the flapper 
(above left reading Sigmund Freud) lasting immortality. Girls shed their inhibitions and 
occasionally their clothes (above right—a Ziegfeld girl wonders if she has "It"). We were 
captivated by flaming youth—be it in magazines (below left) or in movies such cs Joan 
Crawford's Our Dancing Daughters (below right). The radio brought us love songs and 
syncopated jazz rhythms, while Hollywaod dream palaces gave us Rudolph Valentino. 


ILLUSTRATION BY ALAN REINGOLD 


C TIO 
Ku i 


PLAYBOY 


enough knowledge to enjoy a double 
entendre. 

Dorothy Parker, a formidable mem- 
ber of the Algonquin Round Table, 
opines that brevity is the soul of lin- 
кепе and that if all the girls in the Yale 
prom were laid end to end, she 
wouldn't be surprised. 

America's precious daughters leave 
home wearing corsets but check them 
at the door to dance the shimmy. The 
dance craze that swirled through the 
previous decade continues unabated 
with the Charleston. Despite the efforts 
of Ladies’ Home Journal to launch a cru- 
sade against “unspeakable jazz,” flam- 
ing youth sings, dances and falls in love 
to the music of George Gershwin. 
Down the same streets that suffragettes 
marched, flappers conduct Charleston 
marathons. 

The philosophy forged in World War 
One—"Live for the moment, for to- 
morrow we dic"—flies its banner long 
after Armistice Day. Scott and Zelda 
Fitzgerald embody the new spirit, rid- 
ing down Fifth Avenue on the tops of 
taxicabs, diving into the fountain out- 
side the Plaza Hotel, displaying what 
their friend Edmund Wilson describes 
as a remarkable “capacity for carrying 
things offand carrying people away by 
their spontaneity, charm and good 
looks. They have a genius for imagina- 
tive improvisations.” 

Scout Fitzgerald survives by writing 
articles such as “How to Live on 
$36,000 a Year" at a time when the av- 
erage salary in America is less than 
$1500 a year. The prosperity that gives 
the Roaring Twenties its name seems to 
fuel extravagant gestures. 

. 


Life is a joyride, an adventure. What 
used to take years to unfold happens in 
ап evening. And, it seems, the whole 
world is watching. Americans turn to 
magazines such as True Story and True 
Confessions, magazines that offer "sex 
adventure" stories told in the first per- 
son which contain glamorous settings, 
frantic action, high emotion and heavy 
sentiment. "A moral conclusion," says 
one editor, "is essential." 

Where Ladies’ Home Journal offers а 
vision of middle-class America as it 
wants to be, True Story presents life in 
titillating, tawdry detail. Its circulation 
grows from 300,000 in 1923 to almost 
2 million by 1996. 

What the pulps miss, the daily news- 
papers supply with all the tabloid bally- 
hoo the press barons can muster. Jour- 
nalists try to capture the energy and 
enthusiasm of the age with a whole new 
language. Everything is keen, copa- 
cetic, screwy or the ritz. Walter Win- 
chell gives us: to middle aisle (to marry), 
on the merge (engaged) and uh-huh 


(in love), as well as popularizes phooey, 
giggle water and making whoopee. 

When someone draws a crowd—be it 
a wingwalker or a flagpole sitter—the 
crowd extends to every breakfast table 
in the nation. We celebrate the frivo- 
lous and the fantastic. Local heroes be- 
come legends in their own time: Babe 
Ruth becomes the Sultan of Swat, Red 
Grange the Galloping Ghost, and the 
whole world cheers when Lucky Lindy 
flies across the Atlantic alone. 

The tabloids dispense fame and in- 
famy in equal measure. А sordid lover's 
triangle in Queens Village, New 
York—in which Ruth Snyder per- 
suades lover Judd Gray to bash in her 
husband’s head with a sash weight— 
generates more press coverage, ac- 
cording to one historian, than the sink- 
ing of the Titanic, Lindbergh's flight, 
the Armistice and the overthrow of the 
German Empire. None dare call it 
journalism: The press has elevated 
scandal to a national sport. Millions fol- 
low the disappearance of evangelist 
Aimee Semple McPherson, who con- 
cocts a tale of a seaside kidnapping to 
cover a 36-day dalliance with a lover. 
When fans of the gospel radio star 
claim to have seen her cavorting in 
Carmel, she appears in public with sev- 
en look-alikes. 

Dorothy Dix, a “sob sister” whose 
column reaches more than a million 
Leaders, compares gossip to а moral 
force: 


A young woman writes me that 
she considers she hasa right to live 
her own life in her own way and 
do exactly as she pleases. So she 
has broken most of the Ten Com- 
mandments and snapped her 
fingers in the face of Mrs. Grundy. 
And now that she finds her repu- 
tation being torn to tatters, she 
thinks that she is being most un- 
fairly treated. Not at all. Gossip 
is one of the most powerful influ- 
ences in the world for good. We 
can stifle the voice of conscience, 
but we can't silence the voice of 
our neighbors. We can dupe our- 
selves into believing that we 
have a right to make our own 
code of conduct, but we cannot 
force the community in which we 
live to take our point of view on 
the matter. 


A young agent at the Department of 
Justice also knows the power of gossip. 
John Edgar Hoover, the new chief of 
the Ceneral Intelligence Division, takes 
his experience as a clerk at the Library, 
of Congress and begins an index of 
radical elements in America. The raw 
files—which expand to include 
Hoover's political enemies—contain 
rumors of sexual impropriety, episodes 


of adultery and promiscuity, allega- 
tions of homosexuality. In 1924 he is 
appointed head of the Bureau of In- 
vestigation, which will soon be known 
as the FBI. 


The radio—still an experiment at 
the beginning of the decade—will be- 
come a member of the family. A mere 
curiosity a few years before, the Victro- 
la becomes a necessity. For the first 
time in history, the average man makes 
love to music. Mark Sullivan, author of 
a six-volume history of the era, devotes 
67 pages to music: “Many popular 
songs,” he suggests, “are for humans 
the equivalents of the love calls of birds 
and animals.” Romantic love songs 
cram years of courtship into a few vers- 
es. “Your lips may say no, no, but 
there's yes, yes in your eyes.” Songs ask 
and answer the question that is on 
everyone's mind. 

Sullivan valiantly tries to determine 
the best love song of the age. Is it 
Gimme a Little Kiss, Will Ya, Huh? or the 
cosmic urge crooned by the featherless 
biped, / Gotta Have You? 

A writer suggests that the appeal of 
women is the same as it has always 
been, only now there’s more showing. 
The hemlines of skirts rise like the cur- 
tain at the Ziegfeld Follies. Lawmakers 
in Utah try to pass a law to punish 
women whose skirts are higher than 
three inches above the ankle. At the 
other end of the candle, the Virginia 
legislature tries to prohibit evening 
gowns that show more than three inch- 
es of throat. On Wall Street, statisti- 
cians chart the rise and fall of the stock 
market in terms of skirt hemlines. An- 
other journal charts freedom in terms 
of the yards of doth required to clothe 
a woman: From 1913 to 1928 the fig- 
ure went from 19% yards to 7. 

It is feared that more women read 
Women’s Wear Daily than read the Bible. 
The Old Testament has given way to 
testimonials. 

Ads warn that a woman who doesn’t 
use Listerine will always be a brides- 
maid, never a bride. But ads also foster 
an atmosphere of romance: A copy- 
writer for a Jordan motor car called the 
Playboy celebrates a mythical “lass 
whose face is brown with the sun when 
the day is done of revel and romp and 
race.” 

The word-magic of advertising is in- 
fectious: America suffers an epidemic 
of selfimprovement. Millions of 97- 
pound weaklings turn to Charles Atlas, 
and become new men after ten weeks 
of “dynamic tension.” Emile Coué, au- 
thor of Self-Mastery Through Conscious 
Auto-Suggestion, dispenses optimism to 
millions of disciples who are advised to 

(continued on page 112) 


"Roger, please don't sit up all night again worrying 
about your IRS audit!” 


"X 


modern living se 


Takiff ' 
2 ж. 


== 


Above, top tō bottom: This trio-of home-theater-components includes Hitachi's HDS-120S Digital Satellite System receiv- 
er and dish (about $500); Pioriser*s-DVL-700, a dual-sided;combiiration laser-siise, CD and digital versatile dise player 
about $1000); and Onkyo's Integra TX-DS838, thefirsi home theater abdio-video receiver with Motorola 24-bit proces- 
sors for decoding beth Dolby Pro Logic and Dolby Digital (AC-3) Surround tracks on prerecorded movies (about3 1500). 
(€ 


he buzzword in consumer electronics these 
days is "convergence"—a marriage of televi- 
sion, computer and communication devices. 
le the ambitions are lofty, the action in the 
elook-ugly-Computer and television 

the 
tive 


Intel. And studies back,him up: Increased time spent in 
front of the computer means less'time watching TV. Tele- 
vision makers have responded with new products that de- 
liver some of the most appealing attributes of PCs. And 
computer makers have built in more of the entertainment 
value and ease of use that traditionally made television 
the со potato's best spud. Playing to both sides is the 


аў 


THEATE 


r looked so good 


Above: For couch spuds who prefer their picture big—and bright—we like Toshiba's model TW40F80 40-inch projection 
television, which is perfect for both DVD viewing and Internet surfing. In addition to its wide-screen (16x9) format, this 
jumbo television has twin tuners that ollow you to split the picture down the middle so you can, say, watch a basketball 
game on the left and use your TV-based Web browser to pull up stats from nba.com on the right. The price: about $3300. 


digital versatile disc, a new entertainment and informa- 
tion format that looks like a compact disc but does much 
more. Boasting at least seven (to 26) times the storage ca- 
pacity of a CD or CD-ROM, the DVD uses its resources 
wisely. Movie discs have twice the clarity of VHS tape. 
Dolby Digital sound attacks you from all directions, im- 
proving analog Dolby Pro Logic Surround sound. (DVDs. 


ВА 


contain both Dolby Digital and Dolby Pro Logic tracks 
for those who have yet to upgrade.) With a DVD, you can 
switch picture formats with ihe push of a button, from 
pan-and-scan to widescreen to letterbox. You can also 
change the language spoken (or Subtitled), or rig the ma- _ 
chine so your visiting grandmother will see only 
parts of an R-ratedídisc. АП DVD players (pric 


Top left: With Sony's CCD-TRV62 Hi-8mm Hggdycam 
camcorder, you can beam your home video foofage to the 
Tube via infrared signals from up to 15 feet away ($1300). 
Middle left: The charcoal gray amplifier, tuner, CD ployer 
and cassette player in Revox’ madular Evolution system 
are arranged vertically and etched with decorative musi- 
cal notes on the sides. You command the stylish gear with 
an infrared remote control or a touch-screen LCD panel 
that rests atap the equipment. The price: about $8900 
as shown, with an optional surround module to be intro- 
duced later this year. Bottom left: LG Electronics’ 12- 
ounce GP40M handheld personal communicator runs 
Windows CE, an operating system that allows you to eas- 
ily transfer files from an HPC to a PC running Windows 
95. Features include a touch-sensitive LED gid @28.8- 
kbps fax modem. The price: about $500. T's pictured with 
Cross‘ Metropolis Digital Writer PDA Pen ($30). Oppasite: 
IBM's sleek Aptiva S line af home computers is powered 
by Intel’s Pentium MMX (multimedia extensian) chips. 
These muscular machines also boast а 16-speed)CD- 
ROM drive, a 56-kbps modem and a tow; be 
stashed up to six feet from the console ani nitor. The 
price: $3000 to $3800, depending on the configuration. 


and up from Panasonic, Philips, RCA, Sony, Toshiba and 
others) spin conventional = CDs too. And Pioneer’s 
DVL-700 and DVL-90 combination units ($1000 and 
$1800, respectively) play both DVDs and audio discs plus 
the 12-inch laser video discs that have been the connois- 
seur’s viewing choice for the past decade. Only a few 
dozen movie titles will be available this spring for the 


/ 
DVD's launch, while вте are more than 8000 laser discs 
to choose from. So Pioneer's new bridge products will see 
you through until DVD becomes the dominant disc for- 
mat. A second version of this high-density format, DVD- 
ROM for computers, should penetrate homes much 
faster. This spring, Diamond Multimedia Systems and 
Creative Labs will introduce DVD-ROM upgrade kits 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY RICHARD IZUI. 


priced between $500 and $1000. Built-in DVD-ROM 
drives (which also read current CD-ROMs at quad 
speeds) will be a $500 option in most computer lines by 
fall. To take advantage of DVD-ROM's upgraded audio 
and video, software developers Activision, Multicom and 
‘Tsunami have already reprogrammed such hits as Spy- 
craft: The Great Game, Warren Miller's Ski World '97 and 


WHERE & НОМ TO BUY ON PAGE 160 


PLAYBOY 


92 


the submarine thriller Silent Steel. 
You'll also be able to play DVD movies 
and music software through your PC 
monitor, or feed the audio-video signal 
to your home-theater system. 


UNTANGLED WEB 


With the advent of TV-based Inter- 
net-access boxes, you no longer need a 
$2500 computer to send e-mail or tap 
into Web sites such as GNN Interactive, 
Espnet or Playboy. 

Web TV hit big late last fall, support- 
ed by Sony and Philips. Both manufac- 
turers offer similar 33.6 modem brows- 
er boxes priced at less than $350 (plus 
about $100 for an infrared keyboard). 

Newer and more sophisticated are 
Thomson RCA's network computer 
and Proton’s Xavier network comput- 
er, both developed in partnership with 
Oracle’s NCI subsidiary. The machines, 
expected to be priced at $350, will 
come with a smart card that allows you 
to activate your account from any NCI 
computer to check mail, transfer funds 
from bank accounts or securely pur- 
chase merchandise online. Proton will 
also offer 27-inch, 32-inch and 35-inch 
TVs with dedicated NCI technology. 
No prices yet. 


ТУ TRENDSETTERS 


Aperfect mate for DVD and Internet 
boxes is Toshiba’s 40-inch wide screen 
projection TV ($3300). The clongated 
(16x 9) image ratio matches the wide- 
screen mode on DVD movies. The clar- 
ity is extraordinary when you connect 
the set with Toshiba's 50-3006 DVD 
player ($700). To surf Web sites while 
watching TV, you can split Toshiba's 
twin-tuner wide screen down the mid- 
dle. You can watch an ESPN game on 
the left side of the screen while you use 
a Web browser to pull up stats from 
Espnet on the right. 

For a really big DVD view—up to 
40 feet on the diagonal—look no fur- 
ther than the Sharp Vision XV-S55U 
LCD projector ($7000). Already prom- 
ising compatibility with high-definition 
ТУ broadcasts (coming as soon as mid- 
1998) are Vidikron's VPF 40 HD and 
VPF 50 HD video projectors, which are 
priced between $16,000 and $23,000. 

This summer should bring us the 
first TV sets with built-in Internet ca- 
pability. Mitsubishi's Diamond Web 
models in 32- to 40-inch sizes (prices 
are yet to be announced) treat the In- 
ternet as just another channel, with 
one-button access. Zenith's 27-inch Net 
Vision ($1095) uses a trackball on the 
infrared remote or an optional wireless 
keyboard to control the cursor. 

Flat panel televisions could finally 
materialize. Mitsubishi's professional 
plasma display monitor, available this 


spring for $10,000 to $12,000 (sans 
tuner), offers an impressive 40-inch 
picture with a wide (160-degree) view- 
ing angle. The device is four inches 
deep and weighs less than 66 pounds 
You should soon be able to purchase a 
consumer version to hang on your wall 
for $8000 to $10,000. Fujitsu, Hitachi, 
NEC, Panasonic, Pioneer and Philips 
are also gearing up plasma panel pro- 
duction. And Sony is taking special or- 
ders in Japan for its $10,000 plasma 
and liquid crystal Plasmatron TVs. 


SOUND ADVICE 


Decorative stereo gear makes its 
mark with the Evolution system by 
Revox. Designed by the Frogs Group 
with vertical components, this sculp- 
tural system plugs together without vis- 
ible wiring. All controls for amplifier, 
tuner, CD player and cassette sections 
are focused around a backlighted dis- 
play. The Evolution is available in gray 
or white for $6800; the cassette module 
adds $2100. 

If you prefer slick styling, there's 
JVC's Quantum microstereo system 
($450). The bronze-toned core with 
CD, radio, amp and clock is small 
cnough to fit on a nightstand. Its 
speakers are wrapped in cherry wood. 

Sony offers another novel solution 
for tight quarters. Its SLV-AV100 
($700) combines a surround-sound re- 
ceiverand VCR in a single cabinet. Just 
add speakers, TV and tape, and serve. 

Onkyo's Integra receiver ($1500) 
may look conventional, but it stands 
out on technical merit: It's the first 
home-theater control center to offer 
high-resolution, 24-bit Motorola 
processors for decoding Dolby Pro 
Logic and Dolby Digital Surround 
tracks. Too steep for your budget? 
Technics’ SA-AX910 and SA-AX710 
Dolby Pro Logic receivers ($500 and 
$400) can be upgraded to Dolby Digital 
later with the SH-AC300 companion 
decoder ($300). 


VIDEO FREEZE-FRAME. 


Sony's new line of 8mm camcorders 
offers Laser Link, an infrared transmit- 
ter that can zap your home videos to an 
optional infrared receiver and TV up 
to 15 feet away. The top Hi-8 CCD- 
TRV62 ($1300) and conventional 8mm 
CCD-TRV52 ($1100) also loom large, 
with their 3.5-inch füp-out liquid-crys- 
tal screens, five-head tracking, 30x 
digital zoom and five-hour tapes. 

Sony and JVC have introduced spy- 
sized digital video camcorders with col- 
or LCD monitors and $3000 price tags. 

Sharp combines the pleasures of dig- 
ital still and sound recordings in the. 
novel MD Data Camera MD-PS1 (price 
tobe announced). Use it to preserve up. 
to 2000 images on a single disc, or as 


a conventional minidisc audio player 
and recorder. You can blend still im- 
ages with sound bites too. 

Hitachi recently unveiled a proto- 
type camcorder that will store video on 
2 PC card rather than on tape. Record- 
ings up to 20 minutes long can be boot- 
ed easily to a computer drive for edit- 
ing to your Web page. This product 
could be real by year’s end. 


HIGHAWATER MARKS 


Newly fired up for fun are PCs with 
Intel’s Pentium MMX (short for multi- 
media extension) chips. The modular 
Aptiva S, the most stylish of IBM per- 
sonal computers, improves its graphics 
and sound skills with MMX chips run- 
ning at 166 or 200 MHz and 16-speed 
CD-ROM drives, Aptivas are now en- 
abled for videophone and voice. A 
wireless remote control offers one-but- 
ton access to the Internet. The price: 
$3000 to $3800, including monitor. 
The MMX chip is also in new models 
from Compaq, Packard Bell NEC, 
Sony and others. 

For the first time, portable comput- 
ers are keeping pace with desktops in 
speed and performance. Hitachi's best 
MX 166TX notebook ($3600 to $5600) 
runs the show with a 166 MHz Pen- 
tium MMX, a high-resolution I2.1- 
inch active matrix screen, a ten-speed 
CD-ROM drive, a 33.6 modem and an 
Altec Lansing sound system. 

Two Web pages or applications can 
be viewed side by side on Sharp's inno- 
vative wide-screen-format notebook 
PCs, which offer а theater-proportion 
16x9 liquid crystal display. The $3500 
W-100T is an active matrix model; the 
W-100D ($3000) is an LCD version. 


PALMTOP COMPUTERS REVISITED 


For those who swore off personal 
digital assistants after a bout with a 
Newton or Magic Link, take a look 
at the handheld personal computer. 
Co-developed by Microsoft with seven 
other companies, this computer is less 
intimidating and more affordable 
(starting at $500) than the old digital 
assistants. 

HPCs offer both a keyboard and a 
touch-sensitive screen, and are the first 
product to use the Windows CE oper- 
ating system—a compact edition of 
Windows 95. Info can be swapped be- 
tween HPC and PC—you can even do 
it wirelessly on some handhelds with 
infrared transmitters. Plug in a modem 
or a wireless two-way pager card, and 
an HPC will send and receive e-mail, 
stock quotes, sports updates and more, 
directly over the Internet. Delivery 
partners include Sky Tel Messenger 
and the GTE pager network. 


"ак! 
pi fate 


ie 


“I wish he'd spend as much time on me as 
he does on the Internet!” 


Kelly E 


she has grace and a famous name, 
but ms. monaco is very much her own person 


ENNSYLVANIAS Pocono Mountains, with their resort hotels, have the reputation of being a honeymoon paradise. 


Growing up there, Kelly Monaco knew another part of paradise—the great outdoors. With a home on the bound- 

ary of a state game preserve, Kelly and her four sisters put in plenty of time hiking, climbing trees, fishing, camp- 

ing and swimming. They were taught to skate by their mother, a former Olympic hopeful and figure-skating in- 

structor. They even helped their father, an avid hunter, build tree stands. As a result, Miss April developed into tip-top 
shape. And when Kelly did resort to working at a resort, she obtained a job as a lifeguard. 

Her duties involved more than merely working on her tan, though she also did an excellent job of that. "One night, 1 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY RICHARD FEGLEY 


95 


"There's this adrenaline rush that I 
can't explain." One of her rescues was 
a boy who had lost consciousness. "It's 
an amazing feeling to know that if you 


hadn't been there, this person may 


have died," she says. And what an 
amazing feeling it must have been for 
the kid to wake up and find Kelly re- 
viving him. Perhaps he thought he had 
died and gone to heaven. 

A middle child, Kelly says she enjoys 
being the center of attention. "I've al- 
ways wanted to be a star. Growing up, 1 
wanted to be an actress." With four 
years of high school drama classes and 
five ycars of lifeguarding under her 
bikini, might Kelly be destined to fol- 
low the path of Playmate predecessors 
Pamela Anderson and Donna D'Errico 
to the set of Baywatch? Kelly would like 
that very much. But if it doesn’t hap- 
pen, we're sure she'll find a way to 


make waves on her own. 


Kelly believes that she was destined to become a Playmate, and her family has been extremely supportive. "When I told my mother I had 
sent in pictures, she surprised me by saying, ‘Excellent! It’s about time.” Her 89-year-old great-grandmother said: “Kelly, if this hap- 
pened 40 years ago | might have felt different. But today, I'm so proud of you, I огу wish my friends were still alive so I could tell them.” 


PLAYMATE DATA SHEET 


NAME: 
pust: 134 D warst: 2/'2 mres: А 
HEIGHT: 4.2” wert: 99 ws. 0. 


BIRTH DATE: 1-52.]- 76 BIRTHPLACE: ОЮУ 


AMBITIONS: 


MY SISTERS: о А uch L р, 
ПЛАС 
ta аа 


PEOPLE DON'T KNOW I'M: 


My studievs sida. WER and mild. Mugsty, “my dads amy 
Son.* 


PLAYBOY'S PAHTY JOKES 


А country girl moved to the city and soon fell 
in love vith а man she metata party. After one 
late night out, they checked into a hotel. As she 
was about to climb into bed, she spotted a used 
condom on the floor. “Oh, yuck,” she said. 

"Don't they use those things where you're 
from?" he asked. 

"Of course they do,” she replied, “but we 
don't skin 'em!" 


Why do men like women in leather pants? Be- 
cause they smell like a new car. 


When the concerned wife called about her ail- 
ing husband for the third time, the doctor lost 
his patience. “There isn't a damn thing wrong 
with your husband,” he said. “I checked him 
out thoroughly. He only thinks he's sick." 

A week later the physician ran into the wom- 
an on the street. “So how's your husband?" 
he asked. 

"Terrible. Now he thinks he's dead." 


PLavsov crassic: Paddy had just arrived in 
New York from Ireland and was invited by 
one of his American cousins to go to his first 
baseball game. Seated in the Yankee Stadi- 
um bleachers, he watched as a man swung a 
sück, hit a ball and started toward a white bag 
down the line. Everyone stood up and yelled, 
"Run, run!" 

‘Then a second guy came up to the plate, 
whacked the ball and started down toward the 
white bag. Everyone stood again and yelled, 
“Run, run!” 

A third batter came up, but this one didn't 
hit the ball. He didn’t even swing. Four times 
the pitcher pitched, four times the catcher 
caught. Paddy was completely confused when 
the batter dropped the stick and started 
strolling toward the white bag. “Run, run!” 
Paddy shouted. 

“No, he doesn’t have to run,” his cousin in- 
formed him. “He's got four balls." 

Paddy's eyes widened as he stood. “Walk 
with pride, man!” he shouted. “Walk with 
pride!” 


While testing a newly installed computer, an 
Army officer asked the machine to predict the 
probability of World War Three and promptly 
received a one-word answer: “Yes.” 

Annoyed at the lack of detail, the officer 
barked, “Yes, what?” Instantly the machine 
replied, “Yes, sir!” 


The last five things a man would say: 


(1) While I'm up, can I get you a beer? 

(2) Her tits are just too big. 

(3) Sometimes 1 just want to be held. 

(4) Sure, I'd love to wear a condom. 

(5) Fuck the Stanley Cup, let's watch 
Murphy Brown. 


The last five things a woman would say: 


(1) Could our relationship be more physi- 
cal? Гт tired of being just friends. 

(2) This diamond is way too big! 

(3) I won't even put my lips on that thing 
unless I get to swallow. 

(4) Sure, let's watch Bayuatch! 

(5) My mistake. You must be right again. 


Why did the blonde snort Nutraswect? She 
thought it was dict coke. 


Foster, a compulsive gambler, was hangin; 
around the practice green looking for a mar! 
when a man in golf gear, carrying a white cane 
and led by a guide dog, walked by. Practically 
drooling with anticipation, Foster stopped 
him. “I hear you're a damn good golfer,” he 
said. “Could Г interest you in playing a round 
for a small wager? Say, a thousand dollars?” 

“Yes, that would be fine,” the blind man 
replied. “Pick a day.” 

“Tomorrow,” Foster answered with a smirk. 
“What time?” 

“Midnight.” 


Tus MONTH'S MOST FREQUENT SUBMISSION: After 
a night of heavy drinking, Gary was scared sil- 
ly to see two rings around his penis—one red, 
the other brown. He rushed to his doctor. 
"There's good news and bad news,” the medic 
said after completing his examination. "The 
good news is that the red ring is lipstick." 

"And the bad news?" 

"The brown ring is Skoal." 


Но» do you know you've been kidnapped by 
a redneck? He's demanding $2 million in un- 
marked million-dollar bills. 


Send your jokes on postcards to Party Jokes Editor, 
PLAYBOY, 680 North Lake Shore Drive, Chicago, 
Illinois 60611, or by e-mail to jokes@playboy.com 
$100 will be paid to the contributor whose submis- 
sion is selected. Sorry, jokes cannot be returned. 


"Pull my finger!" 


107 


MNS MH ren Шеге г ее? егуге 


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19) 


Petia iaa ao 


SPRING PREVIEW 


| TOAST 
BE 
TASTE 


Sharp Ciders, 
Boutique Brews, 


aa 


Funky Lounges— 
Who Could Ask 
For Anything 
More? 


a 


BY GARY REGAN AND 
MARDEE HAIDIN REGAN 


ТЕТЕ ГЕТЕ ГЕ ЕЕ ЗЕЕ ГЕ 


NE imply put, history 
not only repeats itself 
| (¢ (Д but also seems to do 
so at exactly the right 
| moment. Here we 
are, rushing toward 


the millennium, and— 
just in time—a new 
age of sophisticated 


| nightclubs, swank 
lounges and fine cocktails is in full 
swing. The drinking scene hasn't 
been this much fun since the Roar- 
ing Twenties. And now it’s legal! In 
the Nineties, drinking establish- 
ments have opened faster than you 
can say “shaken, not stirred.” There 
are more and more connoisseurs of 
single-malt scotches, small-batch 
bourbons, pure vodkas, well-aged 
rums, handcrafted cognacs and fine 
tequilas. If you prefer something 
tall and frosty, there are exceptional 
full-bodied brews to try. Or sample 
the latest campus craze—hard cider. 
At night, everybody's stepping out 
to funky lounges where the decor is 
decadent and the drinking is fun. 
Or if you would rather belly up to 
your own home bar, start with some 
of the must-have accoutrements pic- 
tured at right and the great new 
liquors pictured on the overleaf. 
We've sampled all six of the liquors 
and give them a big thumbs-up. 
Stocking the cheapest liquors in 
your home bar is tantamount to of- 
fering your guests a lukewarm man- 
hattan in a jelly jar. In other words, 
go first-class in what you sip and 
serve. Furthermore, half the fun of 
playing host is displaying your 
mixological expertise. (For exam- 
ple, don’t store your martini gin or 
vodka in the freezer. A martini tastes 
best when it has about 25 percent 
melted ice in it.) So grab a jigger 
and perfect your pour—the good 
times are back in style 


Here are some elegant accessories far 
the perfect home bar. Right, tap to bot- 
tom: Crystal and sterling-silver de- 
conter ($355), and a sterling-silver de- 
conter label ($95) that’s ready for 
‘engraving, both from Asprey. Cut crys- 
tal old fashianed glass from Cartier 
($80). Three-piece sterling-silver bor 
set with horse-head handles, fram For- 
tunaff ($275). Roaring Twenties silver- 
plated cacktail shaker featuring etched 
golf scenes and three matching shot 
glasses, from Faces af Time ($2860). 
Sterling-silver Victorion-style ice tongs 
from Asprey ($625). An antique silver- 
plated ice bucket made of English oak 
with an engraved shield, from Faces of 
Time ($475). Nestled inside the ice 
bucket is o split of Toittinger Brut 
champagne (about $20). 


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JUST SAY CHEERS Here's c drink 
cart of new liquors that are perfect far 
spring sipping. Far left to right: Appleton 
Estate's new 21-year-ald Jamaican rum 
($50) is particularly smooth. Serve it in 


Cognac ($100) from A. de Fussigny is a 
blend af 15- to 40-year-old cognocs that 
perfectly complements the flavor of a fine 
cigar. Teton Glacier vadka ($20) is an 
80-proof, ultrasmooth product that is 
distilled from Idaho potatoes and Rocky 
Mountain well water. Tangle Ridge ($20) 
is a ten-year-ald Canadian whiskey 
that’s "double-casked"—i.e., returned 

ta oak barrels after initial aging and 
blending to further develap its flavor. Jack 
Daniel's Single Barrel Tennessee whiskey 
($35) is a new 94-praof liquor from 

the boys in Lynchburg. Each bottle 

is hand-labeled with its rick, borrel num- 
ber and individual bottling date. Jose 
Cuervo's delicious Reserva de la Familia 
100 percent blue agave tequila ($75) 

is back in stores after selling out 

two years ago. 


TRENDSETTING TIPPLES For 
left: Downing a half-ounce shooter of 
Green Chartreuse VER Germain-Robin 
Pinot Noir brandy, Grand Marnier 
Centcinquontenaire ar Patron Añejo tequi- 
la is a new way to enjay expensive spirits. 
In Taiwan, for example, Johnnie Walker 
Blue Label is the favored firewater to take 
in diminutive doses. At $165 a bottle, it 
shauld be. Near left: Hard cider is current- 
ly the hottest drink on campuses. Fer- 
mented, just like beer, it's nowhere near 
os sweet as the stuff hat's sold at farm 
stands. Try it straight or mixed with cle ar 
staut. Waodpecker leads the pecking or- 
der, followed by Woodchuck, Harnsby’s, 
Ace and Dry Blackthorne. 


WHATEVER ALES YOU six imported brews you must try. Below, left to right: Rodenbach Grand Cru, a classic red ale from Bel- 
gium, hos a fruity taste ond a tart, acidic body with hints of chacalate. Although there's a trace of sweet fruits in Newcastle Brown Ale, 
it's the brew's dry nuttiness and clean, crisp finish that make it a standaut. A classic strong ale from Belgium, Duvel is fermented three 
times, the lost taking place in the bottle. The result: a beer that's surprisingly light-bodied with a long, ultradry finish. Thomas Hardy's 
Vintage Ale is currently available for the years 1994 through 1996. It’s strong (12 percent alcohol) and has a sherry taste. You can en- 
¡oy it at room temperature naw or store it in your wine cellor io age. Boddingtons Pub Ale is a British brew with a creamy head and a 
light, bitter body. It’s perfect for summer. Blanche de Bruges is a white Belgion beer that's soft and spicy with а honey-and-nut finish 


DRAUGHI 


I 


Wea 


WHERE & HOW TO BUY ON PAGE 16). 


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| THE MARTINI HOUR 

ad With its stuffed-olive 
barstools and stiletto-heel 

chairs, Lola's Club Roulette 

on North Wells Street in 

ГА Chicago is the quintessential 
i martini lounge—swank and 

y sexy. Later, after dinner, you 
€an dance the night away. 

On Saturdays, Lola's swings 

until three in the morning. In 

San Francisco, Harry Den- 

ton's Starlight Room in the 

! Sir Francis Drake Hotel is а 
sophisticated art deco night- 

club with spectacular views— 

and great silver bullets. 


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PLAYBOY 


112 


THE daz AGE сла from page 86) 


The telephone became love’s ally. Advice columns 
replaced pulpits as the arbiters of courtship. 


recite: “Every day, in every way, Рт 
getting better and better.” 

Fitzgerald, whose This Side of Paradise 
launched the decade, creates another 
character, Jay Gatsby, who reinvents 
himself by following a simple blue- 
print: “Rise from bed. Dumbbell exer- 
cise and wall scaling. Study electricity. 
Practice elocution, poise and how to at- 
tain it. Study needed inventions. Bathe 
every other day. Read one improving. 
book or magazine per week.” In one 
such magazine, Physical Culture, an ad 
asks: "Are you shackled by repressed 
desires? Psychoanalysis, the new mira- 
cle science, proves that most people 
live only halfpower lives because of re- 
pressed sex instincts.” 

Novelist Elinor Glyn celebrates a cer- 
tain quality: “It.” “To have “It,” she 
writes, “the fortunate possessor must 
have that strange magnetism which at- 
tracts both sexes. There must be physi- 
cal attraction, but beauty is unneces- 
sary.” Americans start looking for that 
magical trait in one another. 

It is an atmosphere saturated with 
romance. it 15 a world, says Fitzgerald, 
where “the biography of every woman 
begins with the first kiss that counts,” 
where a man finds that “after half a 
dozen kisses a proposal is expected.” 

The YMCA issues a warning: “Pet 
and die young." 

Words to live by. 


DATING 


“Question: Do you think your son 
will soon forget all he learned at col- 
lege? Answer: I hope so. He can't make 
a living necking.” 

—JOKE IN Columbia Jester 

The change in courtship rituals that 
began with the turn of the century was 
almost complete. Instead of suitors and 
proper daughters, America had creat- 
ed two new creatures: boyfriends and 
girlfriends. No longer would men sit in 
parlors, under the scrutiny of parents, 
while the object of their affection 
played the piano. Now, hats in hands, 
they were met at the door by girls who 
expected to be taken out—a Harper's 
article in 1924 bemoaned the fate of 
one boy caught in such an expectation, 
who ended up spending a month's 
salary on his date. The word date en- 
tered the vocabulary, having changed 
from its original meaning. No longer 
only the assignation of a prostitute and 
client, it denoted а day spent behind a 
six-cylinder engine, driving to parties 


halfway across the state, or an evening 
in a half-lit dancehall, knocking bare 
knees to the beat of a local band. 

A poster from a dancchall of the 
Twenties suggests some of the thrills 
available to attendees. These were the 
sort of activities the chief of police of 
Lansing, Michigan tried to prevent: 
“No shadow or spotlight dances al- 
lowed. Moonlight dances not allowed 
where a single light is used to illumi- 
nate the hall. All unnecessary shoulder 
or body movement or gratusque [sic] 
dances positively prohibited. All un- 
necessary hesitation, rocking from one 
foot to the other and seesawing back 
and forth of the dancers will be prohib- 
ited. No beating of drum to produce 
Jazz effect will be allowed." 

A survey of boys and girls in Middle- 
town revealed that the new forms of 
dating caused disagreement with par- 
ents. Almost half cited the number of 
times they went out on school nights as 
a source of friction. Almost as many 
mentioned fighting over the family car 
and the hour they got in at night. The 
telephone became love's ally. Advice 
columns, replacing pulpits as the ar- 
biters of courtship, answered queries 
about the new technology. “Ought a 
girl to give a man her telephone num- 
ber after only brief acquaintance?" The 
answer was a firm no. But millions of 
girls did. 

The telephone created instant inti- 
macy: "As it was, a girl lying in bed 
could hear the voice of her boyfriend 
on her pillow, a voluptuous thrill which 
would have been regarded as wildly 
improper in days of prudery," wrote 
Е.5. Turner in A History of Courting. 
"The man might be standing in a 
drafty telephone box, but in fancy he 
was right there on the pillow with his 
voice." 

The new forms of courtship were 
perplexing. One teenager wrote to 
American. Magazine in September 1994 
to complain that he had spent about 
$5000 over the past five years on dat- 
ing, an average of nearly $20 a week. “I 
must say that the conversation, enter- 
tainment and mental companionship 
that I have received in return for this 
$1000 a year seem to me to be priced 
beyond their real value.” His father 
had managed a three-year courtship 
on a mere $60. 

Turner elaborates: “The entire cost 
of wooing, marriage license, preacher's 
fee and honeymoon was less than $200. 


One disillusioned writer complained 
that girls appeared to think it sufficient 
Just to be girls, in return for which the 
world owed them a living: ‘A whole lot 
of girls are making the mistake of giv- 
ing too little and asking too much. 
They have a very good business and 
they are killing it.’ The writer called for 
a buyers’ strike, but he clearly did not 
expect to enlist any recruits.” 

Women who played the courtship 
game for high stakes were called gold 
diggers—a label that covered both 
stage girls who married millionaires 
and young girls who made boys spend 
money while giving nothing in return. 
Feminists said that since nothing was 
fair in the workplace (men made more 
moncy), then all was fair in love. 

The cover of Life piaured the flap- 
per as a butterfly. Beauty—a creation 
of the gods—had returned to the 
world, wrote Fitzgerald, as “a ragtime 
kid, a flapper, a jazz baby and a baby 
vamp.” And when women change, 
everything changes. 


THE NEW RULES 


The Twenties saw the abandonment 
of the ideal Victorian woman, that an- 
gelic being free from the taint of sexual 
desire. Theodore Dreiser had com- 
plained in an essay published in 1920 
that “women are now so good, the sex 
relationship so vile a thing, that to 
think of the two at once is not to be 
thought of.” But one looked at the flap- 
per and thought of all sorts of things. 
“The emancipated flapper is just plain 
female under her paint and outside 
her cocktails,” wrote Gertrude Ather- 
ton in her novel Black Oxen. “More so 
for she’s more stimulated. Where girls 
used to be merely romantic, she's ro- 
mantic, plus sex instinct rampant.” 

Historian Frederick Lewis Allen de- 
scribed the flapper this way: “In effect 
the woman of the postwar decade said 
to man, ‘You are tired and disillu- 
sioned, you do not want the cares of a 
family or the companionship of mature 
wisdom, you want exciting play, you 
want the thrills of sex without their 
fruition, and I will give them to you.” 
And to herself she added, ‘But I will 
be free." 

Women developed a code. Accord- 
ing to Peter Ling, author of a treatise 
on sex and the automobile in the 
‘Twenties, “each of the phases of petting 
came to be associated with a corre- 
sponding emotional stage in a couple's 
relationship. Kissing, while not auto- 
matic, was all right if the two merely 
liked each other: deep or French kiss- 
ing indicated romantic attachment: 
breast-touching through the clothing 
heralded that things were becoming se- 
rious, and continued under the bras- 
siere if the feelings intensified. Finally, 


qu ALLE AC 


Wie A ANE 


PLAYBOY 


114 


explorations below the waist were re- 
served only for couples who consid- 
ered themselves truly in love. The cul- 
mination of this logic was intercourse 
with one's fiancé.” 

The youth of the Twenties were the 
first American generation to embrace 
sex as the central adventure in life. As 
one writer noted: “One is tempted to 
picture investigators hunting for that 
special morning between 1919 and 
1929 when 51 percent ofthe young un- 
married in America awoke to find that 
they were no longer virgins.” 

It's not that this generation discov- 
ered premarital intercourse—it discov- 
ered erotic play. Characters in Fitzger- 
ald's stories endlessly discussed the 
politics of the kiss. Gloria, the heroine 
of The Beautiful and Damned, could tell a 
suitor: “A woman should be able to kiss 
a man beautifully and romantically 
without any desire to be either his wife 
or his mistress.” She had kissed dozens 
of men and expected to kiss dozens 
more. Zelda Fitzgerald would tell a 
friend: “I only like men who kiss as a 
means to an end. I never know how to 
treat the other kind.” Americans read 
her husband's descriptions of petting 
parties and diligently sought out dark- 
€ned rooms or country club greens to 
savor the new freedom. Fitzgerald 
even wrote about kissing for the New 
York American: “Why Blame It on the 
Poor Kiss It the Girl Veteran of Many 
Petting Parties Is Prone to Affairs After 
Marriage?” (On the other hand, an 
Englishman writing about the Twenties 
asked bluntly, “What did Scott Fitzger- 
ald precisely mean by "kissing?" Was it 
code for intercourse, or was the whole 
nation in high school?) 

"The "Twenties saw the loss of the vo- 
cabulary of sin, of the scarlet letter that 
said any woman who sampled sex out- 
side marriage was doomed to a life 
of prostitution and white slavery. Sex 
was no longer absolutely equated with 
ruination. 

"Ihe chaperone, that Victorian relic, 
became extinct, to be replaced by a 
new moral guardian, Mrs. Manners. In 
1925 Anna Steese Richardson's Stan- 
dard Etiquette addressed the modern 
woman. “The bachelor girl is a new 
figure in the social world. She is not 
even mentioned in etiquette books 
written as recently as two years ago. 
The girl who drove an ambulance in 
France is apt to think she can live her 
own life in America.” Emily Post wrote 
Etiquette: The Blue Book of Social Usage 
for an upwardly mobile America. The 
book went through 17 printings before 
the author discovered that the world 
had changed. Nor all of her readers 
were interested in proper conduct at 
the opera. In 1927 Post would add a 
chapter that warned girls against the 


temptations of the Jazz Age: “Continu- 
ous pursuit of thrill and consequent 
craving for greater and greater excite- 
ment gradually produce the same re- 
sult as that which a drug produces in 
an addict; or to change the metaphor, 
promiscuous crowding and shoving, 
petting and cuddling, have the same 
cheapening effect as that produced on 
merchandise which has through con- 
stant handling become faded and rum- 
pled, smudged or frayed and thrown 
out on the bargain counter in a 
marked-down lot.” 

"Ihe advice givers accepted that dat- 
ing was an exchange. The new stan- 
dard for moral decline, articulated 
by Post, was economic: “The typical 
meaning of the word cheapness is ex- 
emplified in the girl or woman who 
puts no value on herself; who shows no 
reserves mentally, morally or physical- 
ly, who does not mind being nudged or 
pushed or shoved, is willing to be 
kissed and petted—in other words, to 
put herself in a class with the food on a 
free lunch counter.” 

Clearly a change was sweeping 
across America, if not the whole world. 
Overseeing his own cultural revolution 
in Russia, no less a personage than 
Lenin dealt with the problems posed 
by free love. “Of course thirst must be 
satisfied,” he wrote, “but will the nor- 
mal man lie down in the gutter and 
drink out of a puddle or out of a glass 
with a rim greasy from many lips?” 

Gloria of The Beautiful and Damned 
recounts that one of her many suitors, 
aman she had kissed, had the audacity 
to compare her to “a public drinking 
glass.” 


SCIENCE AND SEDUCTION 


In the ‘Twenties, psychoanalysis was 
as popular a phenomenon as cross- 
word puzzles or mah-jongg. Not that 
anyone bothered to read Freud. (In- 
deed, by 1927 there were only nine 
practicing psychoanalysts in New York 
City.) But even if few Americans fully 
understood Freud's theories of the un- 
conscious, everyone vas familiar with 
them. Interpreting dreams was a par- 
lor game based on a simple princip 
Fverything could be traced to sex. Sci- 
ence—an authority challenging that of 
the church—had given its stamp of ap- 
proval to lust, proclaiming that desire 
wasa drive equal to hunger or thirst. 

It is hard to conceive of the level of 
sexual ignorance at the beginning of 
the century, but one example will 
suffice. An Englishwoman, Marie Car- 
michael Stopes, obtained a doctor of 
science degree in London and a doctor 
of philosophy degree in Munich. Yet 
she remained a virgin for the first six 
months of her marriage without realiz- 
ing that the union had not been con- 


summated. (Her husband was impo- 
tent.) One of the most highly educated 
women of her time did not know the 
first thing about sexual intercourse. 

She resolved to correct the oversight. 
She wrote Married Love: A New Contri- 
bution to the Solution of Sex Difficulties. 
Unable to find a publisher in England, 
she had the work printed in America. 
By 1924 the book was in its 16th edi- 
tion, having sold almost half a million 
copies in the U.S. and abroad. 

‘The decade witnessed the birth of a 
pro-sex crusade. Magazines published 
the essays of Havelock Ellis, who intro- 
duced most of Freud's sexual theory to 
America. (One observer called Freud's 
work "foreign propaganda" as though 
linking sex with Marxism and commu- 
nism.) A few American physicians took 
over the task of spreading the word, 
writing "doctor's books," sex manuals 
that were supposedly restricted to 
members of the medical profession. 

Young swells took to reading the 
works of one Dr. Robie to impression- 
able young women. This pioneer 
guidebook, wrote Edmund Wilson, 
"aimed to remove inhibitions by giving 
you permission to do anything you 
liked." 

WE Robie, a doctor in Baldwinville, 
Massachusetts and a "sometime fellow 
at Clark University (where Freud deliv- 
ered his only American lectures), ar- 
gued for Ralional Sex Ethics and cele- 
brated The Art of Love. Sex might be 
perfectly natural, but it was almost nev- 
er naturally perfect. Robie not only 
gave permission but also brought a 
can-do attitude to the nuts and bolts of 
lovemaking. 

Dr. Robie told the man to stimulate 
the clitoris, the woman to “follow her 
inclinations as to the force, distance or 
rapidity of the in-and-out motion.” He 
recommended positions other than th 
customary "husband above and astride 
He counseled both partners to pause 
before orgasm to allow the other part- 
ner to catch up. He claimed that sex 
was “invigorating, stimulating and 
tending to a concentration of the best 
energy before an intellectual or physi- 
cal effort.” 

If reading Robie aloud would not do 
the job, there was always the work of 
Samuel Schmalhausen. 

Schmalhausen, another popularizer 
of Freud, wrote an enthusiastic treatise 
in 1928 called Why We Misbehave, (Re- 
viewers thought the title should be Why 
We Should Misbehave.) In this work, he 
notes the transformation in American 
mores: “Static morality has been repu- 
diated in favor of dynamic experience. 
Fear yields its sovereignty reluctantly 
to fun. Passion’s coming of age heralds 
the dawn of a new orientation in the 

(continued on page 144) 


wee DOLLY READ 


the british bunny who made a splash in america 


Where have the yeors gone? "The other 
day someone asked obout my centerfold,” 
Dolly soys. "I'd been soying the photo was 
token 25 years ago, then suddenly I real- 
ized it's been 30 years!“ Here's to 30 more. 


hen a млувоу photographer 
W asked Dolly Read if she'd like to 
pose for the May 1966 issue, she 
thought it was "a smashing good idea." 
A Bunny-in-training who was living at 
the Chicago Mansion, Dolly had been 
one of six British beauties flown to the 
U.S. in preparation for the opening of 
the London Playboy Club. The Bristol 
native was at the door when the first 
English keyholders arrived, but some- 
thing about the States had caught her 
spirit and she jetted back across the At- 
lantic at the first opportunity. She's 
lived in Los Angeles ever since, where 
she has acted in movies (Beyond the Val- 
ley of the Dolls) and on TV. She also mar- 
ried comedian Dick Martin. Now it's 
mostly golf and looking after her poo 
dle and three cats. “I'm happy,” she 
says. "I'd love to go on exactly like this." 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY POMPEO POSAR 


Dolly has been married for 25 funny years to Dick Martin 
(above). "When we met, he asked for my phone number, then 
went on tour for eight weeks. When he finally called, he scid, 
‘Dolly, | think I love you.’ It mode me laugh, so I forgove him.” 


118 


воомичс used to be 
simpler. You just 
shaved, slapped on 
some Old Spice or 
Aqua Velva, ran а 
comb through your 
hair and that was it. 
Ten minutes at the 
most. But things 
have changed. Now 
there are hundreds 
of men's grooming products to consider, and 
the whole process can be confusing. Is it neces- 
sary to dry your hair before adding gel? What's 
centella asiatica? Is Michael Jordan's new line of 
men's cosmetics a three-pointer or an air ball? 
To make your time in front of the mirror and 
under the shower count, we've combed through 
everything from extrabody hair goo to a mus- 
tache trimmer with one-handed speed shifting. 
And, of course, we've included advice on how to 
use the products you buy. 


GETTING GREAT FACE 


The basics of facial skin care are simple: If 
your skin feels dry, you need a moisturizer. If it's 
oily, use an astringent. However, it’s important 
to remember that skin changes along with the 
weather, the environment, your diet and your 
stress level. What you need one day might not 
work the next. So be aware of your skin's imme- 
diate condition and feed it only what’s required. 
Aramis offers A+ Foaming Face Wash, a three- 
in-one formula that cleans, exfoliates and helps 
prevent ingrown hairs while setting up your 
beard for shaving. If oily skin is a problem, 
Aramis’ Lab Series includes Stop Shine Oil Con- 
trol Formula, which helps normalize the surface 
of your skin. 


THE CUTTING EDGE 


Shaving tools keep getting slicker. The new 
Norelco Reflex Action Men's Electric Razor, for 
example, has a suspension system that adapts to 
the contours of the face and an adjustable shave 
band for greater sensitivity. Panasonic has in- 
troduced the first wet-and- -dry linear electric 
shaver, which features an electromagnetic sys- 
tem that moves the blade in a linear motion 
across lathered or dry skin. If you're traveling 
light, slip a Bic in your pocket. These disposable 
razors can now be used by men with tough 
beards or sensitive skin. 

Phyto has a product that will make your safe- 
ty razor glide more easily over your face: Phy- 
tomen Softening Shaving Gel for Sensitive Skin. 
Just out on the market, it contains centella asiat- 
ica, an Asian plant extract that helps soften and 
repair your skin. Phyto also markets an oil-free 


MHN 


so many goos and 
gels, so little time. here's a 
guide to the latest potions 
and lotions 


By DONALD CHARLES RICHARDSON 


ILLUSTRATION EY JASON SCHNEIOER 


PLAYBOY 


120 


Soothing Aftershave Balm. Guerlain 
will introduce citrus-scented Habit 
Rouge Aftershave Balm. The Polo 
Sport Skin Fitness Collection's Shave 
Fitness Skin Protecting Foam protects 
against nicks and cuts by providing a 
layer of lubrication that reduces razor 
drag. Dermalogica’s Perfect Shave of- 
fers the same protection, using organ- 
ic silicon and antiseptic essential h 
Floris of London will reintroduce its 
classic Gentlemen's Shaving Cream to 
the American market. American Crew, 
the hair-care company, has entered the 
shaving game with two new products: 
Herbal Shave Cream, made with nat- 
ural oils and moisturizers, and Essen- 
tial Shave Oil, a vitamin-infused fatty 
acid preparation that’s applied as a 
beard softener before shaving cream. 

Keep facial hair trimmed with Sun- 
beam’s Oster Powerplay Mustache and 
Beard Trimmer, which features a speed 
switch that allows you to change set- 
tings with one hand while you're shav- 
ing. And Braun has just introduced 
Shave & Shape, a combination shaver 
and facial-hair trimmer, 


THE BODY BEAUTIFUL 


“The process of becoming clean 
should be a relaxing and stimulating 
experience. Products that feel good, 
smell good and last long are what I had 
in mind when we developed the Active 
Body Collection," says basketball su- 
perstar Michael Jordan. His new line of 
grooming aids, based on his cologne, 
includes body soap, shower gel, after- 
shower dry oil spray and deodorant. 
Another athlete heading for the show- 
ers is Scott Azgarino. The former pro 
triathlete and Ironman competitor has 
created Pro for Athletes, a skin-care 
collection that includes bath-and-show- 
er gel enriched with herbal extracts 
and vitamins. Nautica by David Chu 
sails into stores with its Competition 
Collection, which includes deodorant, 
body wash, moisturizer and talc-free 
body powder. Tommy body wash is a 
fresh gel from Tommy Hilfiger. And 
Guerlain has just introduced Habit 
Rouge All-Over Shampoo, for the body 
and the hair. 

After your shower, apply a clear de- 
odorant, such as one from Gillette or 
Right Guard. These products offer 
great protection without flaking. Men- 
nen's dear antiperspirant and deodor- 
ant gel drys fast. Tommy Hilfiger has a 
new deodorant stick scented with the 
popular Tommy fragrance. Davidoff 
Cool Water offers a sharp-scented de- 
odorant stick and talc. 


THE SMELL OF SUCCESS 


Today's fragrances reflect casual atti- 
tudes and athletic lifestyles. Davidoff 
Cool Water is a spicy scent, while Paco 


Rabanne is more mysterious and sexy. 
The unisex Paco from Paco Rabanne 
has a younger appeal, as does Geoffrey 
Beene's Eau de Grey Flannel. Also di- 
rected toward a young crowd are 
Faconnable for Men's Face a Face, 
made from juniper and angelica, and 
Liz Claiborne’s Curve, a warm, sensu- 
ous fragrance. The scent that’s launch- 
ing the Nautica Competition body-care 
collection is a combination of musk and 
oak moss with touches of green apple, 
nutmeg and seaweed. Clarins Fra- 
grance Group's Chrome is a fresh, 
sharp scent designed by Loris Azzaro. 
And due on the market this fall is Gior- 
gio Armani's second fragrance, a woody 
scent called Acqua di Gió for Men. 


HAIR SUITABLE 


Тә get shiny, great-looking hair, try 
Cat Polishing Shine from Redken. Use 
Paul Mitchell's Extra-Body Sculpting 
Gel for maximum volume and brilliant 
shine, and Extra-Body Sculpting Foam 
if you want every hair to stay in place. 

Clairol's Frizz Control is a new line of 
products for dry hair, Dryness can also 
be helped by Calvin Klein Escape Col- 
lection's conditioning shampoo. Ma- 
trix’ new line, Icon for Men, smells 
masculine and includes two shampoos, 
a light conditioner, hair spray, gel and a 
grooming cream for manageability and 
shine. Desert Essence offers a chemical- 
free, sulfate-free Moisture Manage- 
ment System, a collection of cleansing 
and conditioning products for dry or 
oily hair. And from Australia comes 
Fudge, a line for the young at heart. А 
product called Licorice delivers tex- 
ture and shine to hair; one called Putty 
locks hair in place. Gum provides firm 
hold, and Varnish creates a slick look. 

New York stylist Stephen Knoll bas 
just presented his own line of hair 
products, including Obedient, a sculpt- 
ing gel that provides excellent control. 
Knoll, whose clients include Arnold 
Schwarzenegger, gave us the basics of 
using gel: “Aiter shampooing, blot the 
excess water off your head. Take a 
small amount of gel—dime-sized if 
you don't have much hair, nickel-sized 
if you do—and rub it between your 
palms and fingers. Beginning at the 
hairline, work the gel through the hair 
from the roots up, moving the product 
evenly along each strand,” 

Going gray? No sweat. These days a 
lot of men color their hair. Just for Men 
has recently added lighter shades to its 
hair-color collection. These products 
consist of an easy-to-use brush-in gel. 
Clairol Men's Choice colors the hair оп 
your head and face in one easy step. 

To help prevent hair loss, use Ro- 
gaine with two percent minoxidil 
which is now available over the coun 
er. A five percent solution may be avail- 


in the near future. 
Nioxin is a hair-enhancement treat- 
ment that combines cleansers, condi- 
tioners, stimulants and nutrients to im- 
prove the quality and health of hair. 
After great success with mature men, 
the company developed Nioxin Fit, a 
treatment to help younger guys keep. 
their hair healthy and looking sharp. 


WHEN THE SUN COMES OUT 


While winning a third of the 300 
triathlons he’s entered, Scott Tinley 
exposed his skin to virtually every cli- 
mate. These days he doesn't leave the 
house without applying a lotion with a 
sun protection factor of at least 15. Pro- 
tecting your skin from the sun is the 
best way to keep it looking young. Lab 
Series from Aramis has a waterproof, 
sweatproof Sun Protection Spray with 
15 SPF. Aubrey Organics offers shelter 
with a range of products, including Ti- 
tania Herbal Sunblock, SPF 25. Beach 
volleyball champion Karch Kiraly and 
former water polo Olympian Terry 
Schroeder are among the athletes who 
use Aloe Up Pro Sport products, which 
protect for eight hours with either 15 
or 30 SPFs. The Body Shop gets in- 
to summer with the Watermelon Sun 
Care collection. Its products have SPFs 
ranging from 6 to 20 and protect 
against UVA and UVB rays. Zirh Skin 
Nutrition, a new men’s grooming col- 
lection, will introduce a 25 SPF Sport 
Sunscreen, a waterproof product with 
vitamins A, C, E and Bs. Kiehl's has 
a complete sun-protection collection 
with lotions for individual skin types. 
Its water-based sunscreen with 16 or 
24 SPF is excellent if you have oily skin, 
and Sunshield Sunblock with SPF 15 is 
for people who are sensitive to sun- 
screens. Heliotherapy Sport SPF 20 by 
California Tan contains vitatan, which 
supplies the skin with nutrients, and 
melanin to increase bronzing. 

Self-tanning products give you а 
glow without the burn. The Body Shop 
offers Watermelon Self-Tan Lotion. 
Neutrogena has Glow Sunless Tanning 
Lotion and Spray, which dry in five 
minutes without streaking. Aloe Up of- 
fers Sunless Tanning Lotion. Aramis 
Lab Series has several tanning prod- 
ucts—Tan on Demand and Sunless 
Tanning Spray. All are fragrance-free. 
Acapulco Sun offers Immediate Self- 
Tanning Lotion and Spray and a gel 
for the face only. 

Getting groomed may have been 
simpler years ago, but with all the 
products and procedures, it's actually a 
lot easier today to achieve the look you 
want. And once you get the hang of it, 
chances are you can still get it together 
and be out in ten minutes. 


РЕА BIO Y TGA CDEIRIY 


Casting for the tragic tale of 1980 Playmate of the Year unique sensuality—and to Hemingway's acting. In cri- 
Dorothy Stratten, director Bob Fosse picked Mariel Hem- tiquing the film we noted, the killer’s “evil does not seem 

ingway, who had campaigned vigorously for the part. The interesting to us as Dorothy's light.” This shot, by PLAYBOY 
resultant Star 80 proved another testament to Stratten’s veteran Mario Casilli, is from our January 1984 pictorial. 121 


A SLEEK 
PREVIEW 
OF CLOTHES 
THAT MAKE 
THE MAN 


Fashion By HOLLIS WAYNE 


HERE ARE new rules to this 
game,” she said, sauntering 
into the studio. “Show me 
what you got.” We reached 
for this year's model, one 
with wide shoulders, a ta- 
pered waist and smooth 
lines. “You like?" we asked 
in our strongest editorial voice. 
“I suppose he'll do," she said 
“He looks pretty enough in those 
Calvins. But what else can he 
wear besides boxers?" She was a. 
long tall glass of Evian, this one. 
A bit chilly, too—as if she had 
jumped out of Vogue and onto 
our pages. So we brought out 
some clothes that count: light- 
weight suits that move well on 
the street, on the job and on the 
man. And the kind of jacket that. 
makes a fashionable girl sit up 
and say, "Excuse me, Jean-Paul, 
there's a guy over there I'd like 
to meet.” We had military sup- 
port, too—a field jacket with a 
classic feel. As they say, all's fair 
in love and fashion, and noth- 
ing's as seriously casual as this 
year's khaki. “Hey, Brad Pitt,” we 
shouted. “Try this on for size.” 
Done. He glanced in the mirror. 
“Thanks, guys,” he said. “I can 
take it from here.” He turned to 
the fox on the runway. “You were 
wondering what I got? How 
about this?" he asked her. "It 
speaks for itself,” she replied. “I 
think I'm falling in love,” he said. 
“Really? Me too. Your change of 
clothes has given me a change of 
heart,” she confessed. “No!” he 
said, a bit dense. “I meant my 
outfit. How did I ever get along 
without this jacket?” The cam- 
era’s shutter was clicking, the 
film drive whirring. OK, we 
thought, this one’s a wrap. 


Overheard, left: “Slow down,” she 
soid, “the first photo is never the 
best.” “But it shows us what we con 
look forward to.” “You think?” 
“Sure,” he said and leaned in to 
give her a feel of his wool three- 
piece suit by Vestimento ($1195). 
(Silk tie by Vestimento [$ВО], shirt 
by Boss Hugo Boss [$95].) Contin- 
ved, right: "Мой. | need to know 
what your priorities cre.” "Com- 
fort—my Calvin Klein khaki suit is 
stretch cotion, which gives it a slim 
fit. Eose—the jacket [$650] ond 
pants [$315] can be worn seporate- 
ly. Style—odd o shirt from Joop 
{about $145] and o tie from Vesti- 
mento [$80], and here | am." “Mmm,” 
she agreed, "you got me prepped." 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY ROGER NEVE 


Clockwise from top left, the wallet with 

chain is by Donna Karan (5210). The 

Donne Karan shirt is canvas suede 

($1125). Nikon made the aviator 

shades ($110), For $265 you can get a 

pair of moccasins from J.P. Tod's. The 

А leather safari shoulder bag is by Don- 
DX : na Karan ($1295). Industria's knit 
pullover ($145) goes nicely with the 

chamois field jacket by Salvatore Fer- 

ragamo ($1500). The wraparounds 

are Ray-Ban by Bausch & Lomb ($99), 

N the leather datebook is from Emporio 
Armani ($260) and the fountain pen is 
a Montblanc ($650). The chronograph 
is by Bulgari ($5300). Try the saddle- 
leather belt by Polo Jeans ($30) or the 
belt with gold buckle by Donna Karan 
(5140). The carry-on bag by Granello 
($1050) is leather. And the calfskin 
keycase is by Donna Karan ($115). 


4 


Her, above: "Talk dirty to me." Him: 
"Seersucker." Her: "Ooh. You're so 
earth-toned." Him: "Hey, I’m trying 
to keep cool here. This three-button 
jacket [about $695] puts а spin on 
the predictable blue-and-white suit. 
You know who made the jacket and 
pants [about $185]2" “Who?” 
“Joop.” “Grrr. | love it when you 
speak German. Tell me more.” 
“This camp shirt [$125] by Gene 
Meyer with the collar worn outside 
the jacket lapel? It's a herring- 
bone." "Naughty boy.” "These 
glasses [$198] ore by Christian Roth 
for Optical Affairs." "Cute." "The 
leather belt is by Donna Karan.” 
"Don't get too obscene." "I'm not— 
it's only $210." "Talk about coming 
on strong," she whispered. "Who, 
me?" he said. “No, this style— 
[think Ill see с lot of it." 


125 


There's nothing like fabric with an 
elegant low luster to set a girl's 
heort racing. Particularly when it's а 
single-breasted suit by Boss Hugo 
Boss ($895). “I think I like you more 
in this suit and tie [silk and linen, by 
4 Calvin Klein ($85)] than in your un- 
` derwear,” she confessed. "But 

№ maybe that iridescent shirt [by 
Gene Meyer ($135]] is getting to 

me. Perhaps 1 just need а second 

' "Well, | like what I'm seeing 
„МА, through. Who's it by” She paused: 
ve № "Donna Karan, | believe.” "Let me 

help you find the label,” he 

“Ahem, love?” she said qui 

"That's not my lobel—that's. 

my navel.” He looked up 

> 4 dreamily. "Who cares?” 


WOMAN'S STYLING BY ANTONIO BRANCO FORTRILISE INC. 
HAIR BY MATTHEW WILLIAMS FOR TRILISE INC. 


Military maneuvers, left: "Don't say 
it,” he warned. “I love a man in 
uniform,” she said on cue, giggling. 
"Really? This works?" he asked, 
pointing to his coated-cotton field 
jacket by Katharine Hamnett Derim 
($775). (Note the bellows pockets.) 
"Oh yeah," she replied. * want to 
make like a wild WAC on V-E Day. 
But first you better show me your 
papers.” He reached past his tie by 
Vestimenta ($80) into the pocket of 
his matching shirt (Holland & Hol- 
land, $130). “I have only 50 min- 
utes before I'm AWOL,” he said. 
"You know how they get about long 
lunch breoks." "You packing heat 
under that jacket?" she asked. 
"Nah," he said. "Just my Nicole 
Farhi flat-front pants [$135]." 


WHERE & HOW TO BUY ON PAGE 160. 


PLAYBOY 


128 


zero minus ten 


(continued from page 66) 


The Vanguard took the head and dipped it into the 
bowl, mixing the blood with the other ingredients. 


fraternity in a union to overthrow 
Ching—to bring an end to the deca- 
dent Ching Dynasty and restore the 
rivers and mountains to Ming.” 

Next, the Incense Master placed the 
dishes of fruit and flowers and a cup of 
wine in front of the memorial tablet 
on the wall. He recited a similar po- 
em, then poured the cup of wine onto 
the floor. 

The recruits knelt before the Incense 
Master and rolled up their trouser legs. 
The left trouser leg was rolled three 
times outward to signify the resurgence 
of Ming, and the г 
times inward to signify the disappear- 
ance of Ching. Then each removed his 
shoes and put a straw sandal on his left 
foot. The Incense Master said, “Straw 
sandals were originally of five strands. 
In a battle at Wu Lung River they were 
lost. Only one was saved and retrieved 
at Chung Chau.” 

He poured more wine into cups and 
emptied these onto the floor. “Wine is 
offered to the souls of our ancestors 
and to those who died for our causc. 
Our fraternal spirit will last forever. 
The heroes in heaven will protect us. 
We swear we will kill all traitors so that 
Hung brothers can enjoy happiness 
and peace.” 

At this point, two officials in black 
robes brought in three life-size paper 
figures, which were in a kneeling posi- 
tion. They were placed on the floor, 
and a label bearing one of the names 
of three historical Triad traitors was 
attached to each figure. An official 
known as the Sin Fung, or Vanguard, 
took a long sword from the Tau and 
approached the figures. He placed the 
five elemental flags around them and 
said, “A big flag is erected in the Lodge. 
All heroes come here to worship. When 
our troops move out onto the plain, 
this sword will first stab Ma Ning Yee.” 
With that, he swiftly cut off the head of 
the first figure. 

“when the sword is turned back. it is 
used to stab Chan Man Yiu.” He then 
cut off the head of the second figure. 

“On the third occasion, it stabs the 
bad emperor of Ching.” He then cut 
off the head of the third figure and 
called out, “Brothers assembled here, 
will you give help when the need arises?” 

Everyone in the room shouted “We 
will!” so loudly that it startled Bond. 

At this point, the Incense Master 
took each item in the Tau and recited a 
short poem about it. Following this was 


a long question-and-answer session be- 
tween the Incense Master and the Van- 
guard, to "prove" the identity and va- 
апу of the Vanguard and his role in 
the ceremony. 

It was time for the initiation of the 
recruits. The Vanguard asked, “Which 
is harder, the sword or your neck?” 

The recruits answered, “My neck.” 
Bond deduced that this was an indica- 
tion that even the threat of death 
would not cause them to reveal society 
secrets. Then the Vanguard began to 
read the 36 Oaths of the Society. As 
each oath was proclaimed, a new joss 
stick was snuffed out on the ground in 
front of the recruits, symbolizing that 
they would be similarly extinguished if 
they broke the oath. 

“When Hung brothers visit my 
house, I shall provide them with board 
and lodging. I shall be killed by myri- 
ads of swords if I treat them as 
strangers. 

“I will always acknowledge my Hung 

brothers when they idenüfy them- 
selves. If I ignore them 1 will be killed 
by myriads of swords. 
I shall never betray my sworn 
brothers. If, through a misunderstand- 
ing, I have caused the arrest of one of 
my brothers, I must release him imme- 
diately. If I break this oath I will be 
killed by five thunderbolts.” 

The caths continued in this fashion, 
most dealing with honor, betrayal, loy- 
alty and defending fellow members. 
Several of the oaths were promises not 
to commit adultery or harm the broth- 
ers’ family members. Finally, the Van- 
guard reached the last two oaths. 

“I must never reveal Hung secrets or 
signs when speaking to outsiders. If I 
do so, 1 will be killed by myriads of 
swords. 

“After entering the Hung gates 1 
shall be loyal and faithful and shall en- 
deavor to overthrow Ching and restore 
Ming by coordinating my efforts with 
those of my sworn brethren. even 
though my brethren and 1 may not be 
in the same profession. Our common 
aim is to avenge our Five Ancestors.” 

The Vanguard called out, “Will you 
swear to obey the oath?” 

“We swear to obey!” the recruits 
replied. 

“Those who obey will be prosperous 
to the end. Those who do not will die 
as laid down in the oaths.” 

During this recitation, the large 
piece of yellow paper above the altar 


was set on fire. The ashes were placed 
in the large bowl, to which was added 
rice wine, sugar and cinnabar. 

An official entered the room carry- 
ing a live chicken and a china bowl. He 
passed in front of each recruit, allow- 
ing them to touch the chicken's head 
and the bowl. The Vanguard, who was 
holding the long sword from the Tau, 
said, "The lotus flower signifies wealth 
and nobility. Loyally and faithfully we 
perpetuate the Hung family. The wick- 
ed and treacherous will be broken into 
pieces, in the same manner as this lotus 
flower.” That said, the Vanguard tossed 
the china bowl into the air and deftly 
smashed it to pieces with the sword. 
The official handed the chicken to the 
Vanguard and helped him tie its legs 
together. They placed the chicken on a 
chopping block, and the bow! of ashes, 
wine, sugar and cinnabar on the floor, 
next to the block. 

“The chicken's head sheds fresh 
blood. Here there is loyalty and righ- 
teousness. We will all live long lives.” 

With great show, the Vanguard cut 
off the chicken's head with one swift 
blow of the sword. There was an im- 
mense amount of blood, and the head- 
less body jerked grotesquely, as if it 
were struggling to get away. The Van- 
guard took the head and dipped it into 
the bowl, mixing the blood with thc 
other ingredients. The carcass was tak- 
en away, and the recruits held up their 
left hands, palms out. The Incense 
Master approached them, holding a 
needle and red thread. 

He said, “The silver needle brings 
blood from the finger. Do not reveal 
our secrets to others. If any secrets are 
disclosed, blood will be shed from the 
five holes of your body.” 

The Incense Master pricked the 
middle finger of each recruit's left 
hand and added their blood to the 
bowl's mixti Each recruit touched 
the mixture with the pricked finger, 
then placed the finger in his mouth to 
taste the substance. “It is sweet,” they 
said, one by one. Next, the Incense 
Master poured the mixture into cups 
and handed one to each recruit. 

“After drinking the Red Flower wine, 
you will live for 99 years.” 

Bond's stomach turned as the re- 
cruits drank from their cups. 

The Incense Master formed a signal 
with his left hand, designating the 
cruits’ rank in the society. The recruits 
stood and bowed to the Incense Mas- 
ter, to the Dragon Head, to the Van- 
guard and to one another. 

The entire assembly stood and recit- 
ed, “Old and new brothers gather here 
tonight. Loyalty and faithfulness will 
ensure us longevity. The wicked and 
the treacherous will perish like joss 

(continued on page 168) 


has the fbi found new ways to make the crime fit the punishment? an agent turns whistle-blower 


y the time TWA flight 800 
exploded off the coast of 
Long Island this past sum- 
mer, the travel office of the 
Federal Bureau of Inves- 
tigation headquarters in 
Washington, D.C. had begun to 
look like a ticket counter at La 
Guardia Airport. A two-year wave 
of bombings and terrorist attacks 
had kept the FBI's explosives ex- 
perts circling the globe, hopping 
from one pile of smoking rubble to 
the next. One day they were rum- 
maging through the charred ga- 
rage of Manhattan's World Trade 
Center, the next they were flying 
off to the Philippines to pick 
through clues left by a terrorist 
who plotted to blow up U.S.-owned 
airlines. 
hen, in nearly staccato fashion, 
came the monstrous blast in Okla- 
homa City, the 1996 car-bombing 
attack on a U.S. Army base in Saudi 
Arabia, the torching of churches in 
the South, the bombing of abortion 
clinics and a ragtag onslaught of 
domestic militias that seemed to 
compete with one another to attack 
federal installations. When an un- 
attended bag exploded in Atlanta's 
Centennial Park during the Olym- 
pic Games, it indeed seemed that 
America was “under attack,” as FBI 
Director Louis Freeh had put it. 
Another kind of bomb, though, 
was ticking away beneath Freeh’s 
office on Pennsylvania Avenue: Su- 
pervisory Special Agent Frederic 
Whitehurst, once the FBI’s top 
bomb expert, had raised charges 
that agents in the bureau’s vaunted 
crime lab routinely slanted evi- 
dence and even committed perjury 
in the pursuit of various cases. If 
Whitehurst’s claims were true— 
and there were those who believed 
that they (continued on page 138) 


FB B evidence 


ILLUSTRATION BY TIM O'BRIEN 


JU 


TE 
| 


article By Jeff Stein 


[ ties sex kitten, television tigress, Las Vegas head- 
1 iner—when you're Joey Heatherton, the music nev- 
3 er stops. Davenie Johanna Heatherton grew up with 
# her name in lights. As a teen she was a sassy, gum- 
chewing star on Broadway and in Hollywood, and she 
hasn't slowed down since. Stop having fun? As Joey her- 
self would say, fahgeddaboutit. Flash back a few moons 


ms. heatherton is 
a perfect example of 
why dancing is the 
best revenge 


h 
TRA 
PINTA 
prat 
NN 


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P 


NN 
V 


" 
УНУН 
deis 


4, 
ү? 
PHOTOGRAPHY BY STEPHEN WAYDA 2 7 D > 
4 
as 


to Vegas in its heyday: sexy, a little sinful, with no flume rides. Frank's at the Sands, Dino's at the Riviera, Joey's head- 
lining at Caesars. “The place was jumping. Electric. We'd do our shows, give our all to knock out an audience, then get 
together after,” she says. Dinner was at midnight. Joey was the brassiest dame at Sinatra's table, the one crooning and 
clowning as Frank, Dino and Sammy cheered. “I never laughed harder. Every night was new. I met great artists, great 
writers and great thieves.” In a “dangerously exciting" life she worked and played with Richard Burton, Perry Como, 
Bob Fosse and other masters. As a favorite guest on Dean Martin's TV show she often sang in bed. “It worked so well they 
wanted me to do it every time. Га be out there singing when a bed would roll up behind me. I don’t mind being a sexpot, 
but please!” When Joey laughs she sounds like the Long Island girl she was not long ago. Today, still high-kicking, 


she splits her time between New York and Los Angeles. “This is my legacy,” says Joey of her first PLAYBOY appearance. “I 
wanted to look pretty—for the men in my life and for me.” She was as bold as usual the day she auditioned for this star- 
ring role. “1 was nervous, of course, going to see a PLAYBOY photographer. But I walked up to Steve Wayda and pulled up 
my shirt: Ta-daa!" The rest is this story: Joey in “a new kind of performance.” That very day she went with Wayda into 
what Joey cails “the magic room,” a private space at Playboy Studio West. She insisted on bringing her ovn music. Sina- 
tra, of course. The tune was For Once in My Life. And Joey gave her all, as she does for every performance—this time for 
fans, friends and “my men,” a select group of swains who keep her datebook full. Who are they? She’s not naming names, 


n 


only occupations. “Writers, actors and 
dangerous men," says Joey with a sly 
smile. “1 hope they like seeing this, 
because I want to make my men proud 
of me." After half a lifetime in the 
spotlight, what's a girl to do for an en- 
core? Joey is finishing an autobiogra- 
phy. There may soon be a movie. She 
has a CD in the works. The best news 
of all may be plans for a new stage 
show, for if you want the Joey 
Heatherton experience, her full Joey 
de vivre, you have to see her in per- 
son. "I always try to knock 'em out, 
every time out," Joey says. Hers is the 
old-fashioned kick-out-all-the-stops- 
and-leave-them-gasping-for-more sort 
of talent. See for yourself. 


PLAYBOY 


138 


DAD ШЇ AT THE Ш (continued from page 129) 


"Who's going to police us if we don't police our- 
selves?” Whitehurst would routinely ask. 


were—the verdicts in thousands of cas- 
es, spanning a decade, could possibly 
be at stake. 

Inthe wake of his allegations, White- 
hurst, a mustachioed Vietnam veteran 
with a Ph.D. in chemistry from Duke 
University, had been reassigned to a 
trainee slot in the bureau's paint analy- 
sis division in May 1994. It was clear to 
Whitehurst that he'd been demoted as 
a result of his criticism of the FBI's in- 
ternal affairs. This was nothing new to 
him. For years he'd been dismissed as 
too much of a perfectionist—even а 
crank—by many of his FBI colleagues. 

Then again, his performance re- 
views had been consistently outstand- 
ing. In fact, one report, written on the 
eve of the Oklahoma City bombing in 
April 1995, described his explosives 
analysis as “rivaled by no one else in 
the laboratory.” 

Still, Whitehurst had stayed put 
when other agents rushed to the 
wreckage of the Alfred P. Murrah Fed- 
eral Building in Oklahoma City. He 
wasn't even permitted to work on the 
case. Instead, he was assigned to ana- 
lyze paint and hazardous materials 
When he criticized lab procedures 
there, he was transferred to the lab that 
evaluates bomb-removal robots. 

“Fred, you can’t work on high-pro- 
file incidents,” a colleague once joked. 
“You are a high-profile incident.” 

Whitehurst had earned his reputa- 
tion. Late at night, tapping away on 
a laptop in his suburban Maryland 
home, he had churned out stacks of 
numbingly detailed and often emo- 
tional complaints—to his bosses, to FB1 
lawyers, to congressmen and to officials 
at the Justice Department—more than 
100 memos in all. Although White- 
hurst’s grievances addressed a variety 
of cases, employees and procedures, 
they all had the same subtext: Some- 
thing was scriously wrong in the labo- 
ratories of the FBI building. 

In the aftermath of the World Trade 
Center bombing, Whitehurst leveled 
his most serious charge: A senior lab 
official, he claimed in an internal 
memo, had fabricated evidence in pur- 
suit of the case. So meticulous was 
Whitehurst's paper trail that when O.J. 
Simpson criminal trial attorney John- 
nie Cochran learned of it, he enlisted 
Whitehurst as the defense's "mystery 
witness,” the agent who would suppos- 
edly destroy the FBI's blood analysis of 
the prosecution’s evidence. 


Judge Lance Ito, however, ruled that 
Whitehurst had no “direct or specific 
knowledge relating to” the FBI's testi- 
mony and kept him from the stand. 
Whitehurst’s moment seemed over. He 
returned to the lab and his dead-end 
job. But a funny thing happened on 
the way to Whitehurst’s oblivion: An 
outside panel, assembled by Attorney 
General Janet Reno, began to examine 
Whitehurst's charges more closely. And 
slowly, people began wondering if the 
scientist had something to say after all. 

e 


When Fred Whitehurst joined the 
FBI in 1982 he took its motto seriously. 

“Fidelity, bravery, integrity” carried 
a lot of weight with the ex-Army ser- 
geant, a torpedo-like man with intense 
black eyes. During three combat tours 
in Vietnam, virtues such as “fighting 
for freedom” evaporated with every 
burning hamlet, From the Gulf of 
‘Tonkin to Watergate, Whitehurst be- 
lieved, all the big crises of his genera- 
tion had begun with little lies. 

So when the circulars appeared with 
regularity from the directors of the 
FBI ("report all instances of waste, 
fraud and abuse"), Whitehurst, then a 
rookie agent with the bureau, followed 
them to the letter. He refused to toler- 
ate even casual cheating—agents' pho- 
ny time cards, inflated expense re- 
ports, the personal use of bureau cars. 

He also stopped tolerating office hu- 
mor about blacks and women. “Who's 
going to police us if we don't police 
ourselves?" Whitehurst would routine- 
ly ask colleagues. 

Naturally, most agents didn't under- 
stand Whitehurst’s fastidiousness. 
Many thought he was a jerk. But 
Whitehurst hoped—indeed, he expect- 
ed—that things would be different in 
1986, when he was promoted to the 
crime lab. Assigned to a unit that ana- 
lyzed bomb-blast residues, Whitehurst 
looked forward to being able to con- 
centrate on pure science. 

"That wasn't to be. Whitehurst found 
himself apprenticed to Terry Rudolph, 
a lab agent he considered dangerously 
sloppy. Hazardous chemicals were left 
out in the open, and work areas were 
contaminated, he charged in an inter- 
nal memo. In fact, he said, a piece of 

issing evidence had turned up one 
a trash can. And to add to the 
confusion, agent Rudolph's case notes 
and data were chaotic and downright 


incomprehensible. 

Whitehurst speculated that Ru- 
dolph's documentation was untidy for 
a reason. According to another White- 
hurst memo, Rudolph supposedly 
once told him, “The more cryptic the 
[lab] notes, the less chance the defense 
counsel has to question the results.” Ac- 
cording toa statement Whitehurst later 
gave to FBI investigators, Rudolph al- 
so commented that “all the examiners 
in the FBI laboratory perjured them- 
selves and he himself had.” 

The way Whitehurst went after Ru- 
dolph—relentlessly—would set a pat- 
tern of conflict that would continue 
through numerous cases over the next 
ten years. 

His first concentrated assault con- 
cerned the 1989 trial in San Francisco 
of Steve Psinakis, a man charged with 
participating in a terrorist plot against 
Philippine president Ferdinand Mar- 
cos in 1981. At first blush, the FBI 
seemed to have a strong case against 
Psinakis, based partly on detonation 
cord that agents said they found in 
Psinakis' trash, and partly on tools 
agents had found in his house. 

But that wasn't good enough for 
Whitehurst, who concluded that agent 
Rudolph had contaminated the evi- 
dence and poorly documented his case 
data. Whitehurst outlined his charges 
to supervisors: then. convinced that 
the warning was falling on deaf ears, he 
flew to San Francisco to present his 
opinions directly to Psinakis' attorneys. 
As a result, Psinakis was acquitted. 

Whitehurst felt vindicated. The fed- 
eral prosecutor in the case, Charles 
Burch, blasted Rudolph's “fundamen- 
tally unsound procedure" in a leuer to 
William Sessions, who was then direc- 
tor of the FBI. "I believe," said the let- 
ter, "that sufficiently serious questions 
were raised in this prosecution about 
the FB] laboratory's procedures." 

Whitehurst's superiors were not 
pleased—and he was censured, fined a 
week’s pay and placed on probation for 
six months for having gone outside of 
proper channels. Nevertheless, the 
mercurial agent’s career resumed, pro- 
motions came regularly and his job 
performance reviews were glowing. In 
fact, one internal report filed after the 
World Trade Center bombing praised 
Whitehurst's “exceptional dedication, 
perseverance and analytical abilities.” 

“No other matter than the World 
‘Trade Center investigation," said the 
report, “offers a better example of 
Whitehurst’s exceptional ability to get 
the job done under the most extreme, 
stressful, high-visibility circumstances." 

Despite such praise, the agent could 
not get Rudolph out of his teeth. He 
wanted every case that Rudolph had 

(continued on page 170) 


ETS 
“You see why it’s called head? Because you're on your way 
to becoming a headliner!” 


139 


VANESSA WILLIAMS 


hen Vanessa Williams won the Miss 

America title in 1983, the nation ex- 
pected her to glide through the following 
year on parade floats, Bob Hope specials 
and her best behavior. But she was forced 
to resign (єп months laler amid a scandal 
involving nude photos that had been 
taken when she worked as a photographer's 
assistant, 

Rather than fade away, Williams, now 
34, has engineered a remarkable career as a 
gifted singer, dancer and actress—which is 
what she intended to do in the first place. 
Raised in Millwood, New York by parents 
who taught music, she trained for several 
‘years en piano, French horn and mellophone 
while studying acting, voice and dance. She 
took classes in musical theater for two years 
at Syracuse University before entering a lo- 
cal beauty pageant at the urging of talent 
scouts. That led to her coronation as the first 
black Miss America four months later. 

Her recording career has produced three 
albums—"The Right Stuff,” “The Comfort 
Zone" and “The Sweetest Days” —with com- 
bined sales of 4 million copies, as well as 
nine Grammy nominations. Her fourth al- 
Фит will be released next month. On Broad- 
way, she was a showstopper in “Kiss of the 
Spider Woman.” Williams landed her first 
‘major film vole last year, as a corporate whis- 
tle-blówer who is protected by a federal 
agent, pl ed by Arnold Schwarzenegger, in 

"Eraser." Since then, she has completed voles 
їп [шо films that will open this year: as a 
gangster's girlfriend in. "Hoodlum" with 
Laurence Fishburne, Andy Garcia and Tim 
Roth; and in the family drama “Soul Food.” 

Writer Rich- 
ard Lalich man- 
aged to catch up 
with Williams on 
the set of “Soul 


this drop- 
dead beauty 


Ji Food." He re- 
explains the e aT 
lion to Vanessa's 
appeal of Sus) cus (ae 
Cigars, the ents, she does a 
startlingly accu- 
thrill of Tate impression of 
Schwarzenegger.” 

handguns М 
and which PLAYBOY: 
е Schwarzeneg- 
grammatical ger lieb cad 
Я Hie es 
errors drive pressed with 
your acting be- 
her crazy cause your part 


in Eraser was 
originally writ- 
ten for a white 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY BOB FRAME 


woman. Because there are so few good 
parts written with black women in 
mind, did his comment touch a nerve? 
wiLLIANS: No, I was there when he said 
it, and Arnold was just being honest, 
the way Arnold is. I was happy that the 
two other actresses they were consider- 
ing are white, I thought it was great 
that I got a chance to do the role suc- 
cessfully, especially when 1 found out 
that the script was co-written by a black 
person, So J certainly am not offended 
by what Arnold said. It's fantastic, the 
amount of work that’s been happening 
for black actresses. Also, being only 
a damsel in distress, or playing the 
whore, or the maid—those days are 
gone. People—and it's more than just 
black people—are coming to see black 
stars. And it's just going to get better. 


2. 


PLAYBOY: When you arrived at the Eras- 
er premiere, you were smoking a cigar. 
Was it a gift from Schwarzenegger? 
WILLIAMS: Мо, I requested it from my 
agent, as homage to Arnold. He was 
surprised, very happy. By the time I 
got to where he was, it had gone out, so 
he said, “Ah, vat are you doing, smok- 
ing a cigar that’s not even lit? Give me 
that.” He lit it and gave it back to me. 
That was one of those great nights. I 
felt like I was on fire. 1 have a big movie 
with Arnold, and, sure, there'll be oth- 
er premieres, but they'll never be as big 
as the first onc. I felt great. 


3. 


PLAYBOY: Did thecigar have anything to 
do with that feeling? 

WILLIAMS: I think so. You feel tremen- 
dous power when you're holding a ci- 
gar, smoking it and enjoying it. It's one 
thing to be trendy and do something 
because you want people to think, Oh, 
she's cool. But it's something else when 
you can really enjoy the taste of a cigar 
and notice the different tastes of vari- 
ous cigars, when you find a taste you 
really like and look forward to it. My fa- 
vorites are Monte Cristo Torpedoes 
Number Two. I got a box of those from 
somebody who had seen me smoking 
at the premiere. They're smooth, they 
have a lot of body, they give you a little 
buzz and they're great after a meal. My 
girlfriends and I smoke once a month 
when I'm home. We have dinner, and 
we have cigars after dinner, have some 
great after-dinner drinks and just talk. 
Now we know what all the guys were 
doing and enjoying for so long. 


PLAYBOY: The term Ea soul is of- 
ten a pejorative. You have fabulous 
blue-green eyes. Are you responsible 
for giving blue-eyed soul a good name? 
WILLIANS: I don’t think I’m real soulful. 
I'm more ofa storyteller. [ don't have a 
gospel background, so when I express 
myself and share my heart, it's more in 
telling a story. I think that’s been my 
appeal. If that’s what people perccive 
as soul, hey, that's great. 


Б. 


PLAYBOY: You played French horn and 
piano in your high school orchestra. Is 
there an instrument that is the musical 
equivalent of right field, where the 
tone deaf are hidden? 

wiLLiams: [Laughs] Percussion. Trian- 
gle. There are always a few guys back 
in the corner—you never know quite 
what they're doing. Е was in the back, 
in the brass section, with mostly guys. 
We would tell jokes and try to disturb 
what was going on with the orchestra. 


6. 


pLavnoy: Would Arnold make a good 
bodyguard in real life? 

wiLLIAMS: Absolutely. His body is as sol- 
id asa rock. And he's always very aware. 


А 


PLAYBOY: Imagine that when you check 
your voice mail you've received calls 
from Bill Clinton, the Pope, Spike Lee, 
Michael Eisner and Oprah Winfrey. 
Whose call do you return first? Is there 
anyone whose call you wouldn't return? 
WILLIAMS: I'd return the Pope's call 
first. Pm Catholic. I would call Oprah 
next, because she's a friend of mine, 
and I'd be curious to hear what she 
wanted. I'd call Bill Clinton next, since 
I don't know him as well as I know 
Oprah. [Laughs] Then I'd need üme to 
seule my nerves, because that would 
certainly get me frazzled. Spike was at 
my wedding, so Га call him next, and 
I'd hope we would talk about a new 
project. I've never met Michael Eisner, 
but I'm sure it would be something 
Disney-related. The only time I've 
worked with Disney was on Pocahontas. 
Someone whose call I would never 
return? For a while it was Joan Rivers, 
because she had it in for me. I don’t 
know what her vendetta was, but she 
had it going for a good ten years. Obvi- 
ously, the last person would be Bob 
Guccione. He's lower than Rivers is. 


141 


PLAYBOY 


142 


8. 


PLAYBOY: Critics have sometimes con- 
fused you with the other actress named 
Vanessa Williams, who has had roles in 
New Jack City and on Melrose Place. Ts 
this the equivalent of having an evil 
twin who is out there getting you re- 
views for work you haven't done? 

WILLIAMS: Гуе never met her, though 
I have known about her since high 
school, when we both got accepted to 
NYU. When I called to see if I had 
been accepted, the admissions office 
said, "Which Vanessa Williams are 
you?" I said, "Vanessa L. Williams." 
They said they had a Vanessa Williams 
from Brooklyn. I was from West- 
chester. So I knew there was somebody 
of the same age, who was an actress. 
And then when I did a Macy's parade 
as Miss America in 1983, she got my 
check—but she returned it. Is it like 
having an evil twin? Well, she made a 
catty remark in her bio when she was 
on Broadway in Sarafina! It was basical- 
ly, “I'm not the beauty queen. I’m the 
real, legitimate actress on Broadway.” 
My mom went to see it and was not 
pleased. 1 said, "Mom, it's just a matter 
of time before I'm on Broadway." 


9. 


PLAYBOY: You practiced shooting a gun 
for Fraser and said that you found it 
thrilling. What was the appeal? 

wiLLIAMS: The power of the kick, plus 
squeezing off а round and hearing it 
fire, and hitting a target and being 
good at it. As I finished the first take, 1 
had to squeeze off three rounds and 
jump out of the way, and the guy said, 
“You look kind of good doing that. 1 
see a career in action-adventure movies 
for you." It was tremendously empow- 
ering, which is kind of scary. Now 1 
know why people love having guns, be- 
cause you feel like you're the mack, the 
king, the ruler of your destiny. 


10. 


pLavnoy: Ifit were legal, would you car- 
гу a handgun? 

wiLLIAMS: No, never. I know people 
who have guns in their houses, and 1 
think it's ridiculous. These people have 
kids. The Kids are going to find the 
guns. If someone's going to break in, 
he is going to break in. There's a 
phone—call 911. You can get out of the 
house, Having a gun in the home is a 
mistake; it's a time bomb waiting to ex- 
plode. You can keep it unloaded, but 
what's the point of that if something 
happens? 


rr 


PLAYBOY: With the Miss America title, 
you received a $25,000 scholarship. 
How did you use the money? 


WILLIAMS: I was going to buy a condo in 
New York. That was after I had re- 
signed and was moving into the city. It 
was on the West Side, and I got turned 
down by the board. After they reject- 
ed me, J think J used the money for 
lawyers’ fees and some other stuff. The 
board thought I wouldn't have a fu- 
ture, that I wouldn't be able to pay for 
rhe condo, and they probably didn't 
want the press hanging out at the 
building. Every time I drive by it, I say, 
“That's the building they wouldn't let 
me into in 1984." It's on 64th, right. 
across from Lincoln Center, between 
Broadway and Amsterdam. 


12. 


PLAYBOY: If you had used the money to 
further your education, what would 
you have studied? 

WILLIAMS: More English literature. I 
read a lot. I definitely coasted through 
high school and college, because I was 
experiencing so many other things. 
That's what you do when you're a 
teenager. 1 would have loved to take 
French. I took Latin for three years, 
and I took Spanish for two. ГА love to 
study Italian and political science. 


13. 


илувоу: People use hyphens when 
they describe someone's versatility. You 
arc а singer-dancer-actress-for mei 
Miss America. What hyphenate will 
never appear along with your name? 
WILLIAMS: There's one title I'd like to 
getrid of: "former Miss America." That 
beauty stigma negates talent and intel- 
lect, especially in this business, where 
yov're trying to get legitimate roles 
and be known for your talent. They'll 
never say "politician" after my name. I 
have no desire to run for anything. But 
I'm interested in politics, and I'm pas- 
sionate about certain issues that affect 
my life. For instance, my grandmother 
used to run a Head Start program. She 
lived in the projects in Buffalo. So 
when I hear people say, “Poor people 
want to stay poor. They don’t want to 
work and they don’t want to get them- 
selves out of their situation,” 1 know 
that’s bullshit. My grandmother had a 
master’s degree, lived in the projects 
because she chose to, taught inner-city 
kids and gave them a head start. She 
was loved by the community because 
she stayed there and she gave back to 
it. And she raised great kids. My mom 
is a teacher with a master’s. When 
something strikes a chord, I want to 
move into action. That includes any- 
thing to do with children, or day care 
situations, or abuse. Why do we give 
child molesters preferential treatment 
in prison so they don't get their asses 
kicked? Throw them in with the big 
boys and let them see how it hurts! 


14. 


PLAYBOY: Considering your experience, 
should there be a statute of limitations 
on the things people do when they're 
under the age of 21? 

wittiams: [Laughs] Oh, wouldn't that be 
lovely. That's a dreamworld. That 
would be nice, but those arc also the 
things that give you character. 


15. 


PLAYBOY: You've said that James Caan 
confessed to fulfilling his fantasy of 
"backhanding a Miss America" during 
the filming of a scene in Eraser. What. 
fantasy of yours remains unrealized? 
And does it involve James Caan? 
WILLIAMS: No, it docs not involve James 
Саап, in any manner. I've done almost 
everything Гуе wanted to do. I sang at 
the Academy Awards, I sang the na- 
tional anthem at the Super Bowl, I'm 
starring in films. 1 just rode in a na- 
tional horse show in Madison Square 
Garden. I've always wanted a horse, 
and I've always loved riding. That was 
one of those great situations that just 
came up and was kind ofa dream come 
true. In terms of fantasies, I'd like to do 
а Western. Acting and riding a horse. 
Maybe I'd do a dance number in a sa- 
loon and sing a song. It doesn't have to 
be a Western, but it would be great if it 
were shot in Spain or Morocco, with an 
exotic spin on it. My character's name 
could be Salonge, which is provocative 
and mysterious and alluring. It's got. 
bite to it. Salonge Rides Again. 


16. 


rLAvBOY: Your friends describe you as 
an incredible cook. What does a man 
have to do to be worthy of your talents? 
wiLLiams: He has to be a good friend. I 
love a sense of humor: So someone who 
can make me laugh has me immediate- 
ly. Im definitely a pushover for some- 
body who's funny. 


17. 


rLAYBOY: If your children didn't like 
someone you were thinking of dating, 
would he be automatically disqualified? 
WILLIAMS: It would be a consideration. 
Kids are perceptive, and if there’s 
something they don't like in a person, 
then I should pick up on the same cue. 
So I'd probably blow him off. 


18. 


плувоу: Which malapropisms drive 
you nuts? 

WiLLIAMS: Someone will say, "There's 
an Irish settler.” No, the dog is an Irish 
setter. I know one person who puts “to” 
in front of every verb. Like, "I'll have 
Isaac to drive you to the airport.” No, 
just have Isaac drive me to the airport, 
OK? My parents were always on us 


“There's nothing in the script about a headache!” 


PLAYBOY 


144 


about speaking correctly; if it's some- 
thing you grow up with, you just assume 
that everyone had the same experience. 
Which is also interesting, because when 
you're black and you speak correctly, it's 
almost like, “Oh, you think you're 
white,” or you're a sellout. What does 
that have to do with anything? I was 
blessed with parents who made sure I 
spoke right, so I could be in any situation 
and be considered intelligent, which 
helps you achieve more in life. But 
grammatical errors, man, they bug me. 
Double negatives—“ain't nobody gonna," 
"can't do по" —1 can't even do them. 


19. 


тлувоу: To create the right mood, you 
recorded your Sweetest Days album in a 


room lit by Lava lamps. Please explain 
their appeal. 

WILLIAMS: I like them because they're 
sensual. They make you focus on some- 
thing that's ever-changing, something 
that’s kind of cosmic and cool. It's also 
great to sce two different forces, the col- 
or and the water, flowing through the 
light and dark. 


20. 


PLAYBOY: Give those of us who are not 
multitalented some consolation: Name 
one discipline in which you are below. 
average. 

WiLLIAMS: Accounting. I cannot stand 


numbers. 


‘As a matter of fact, I do mind paying more taxes, whether 
the burden is distributed fairly or not.” 


THE Jazz AGE 


(continued from page 114) 
life of the sexes. We may sum up the 
quintessence of the sexual revolution by 
saying that the center of gravity has 
shifted from procreation to recreation.” 
Schmalhausen extolled the virtue of 
playful sex: “Sexual love as happy recre- 
ation is the clean new ideal of a younger 
generation sick of duplicity and moral 
sham and marital insincerity and gener- 
al erotic emptiness. Sex as recreation is 
the most exquisite conception of lovers 
who have learned to look with frank de- 
lighted eyes upon the wonder in their 
own stirred bodies.” 

Down boy. 

1n 1929 James Thurber and E.B. 
White would look at the literature and 
ask, rhetorically, Is Sex Necessary?: 


During the past year, two factors 
in our civilization have been greatly 
overemphasized. One is aviation, 
the other is sex. Looked at calmly, 
neither diversion is entitled to the 
space it has been accorded. Fach has 
been deliberately promoted. In the 
case of aviation, persons interested 
in the sport saw that the problem 
was to simplify it and make it хет 
safer. With sex, the opposite was 
true. Everybody was fitted for it, but 
there was a lack of general interest. 
The problem in this case was to 
make sex seem more complex and 
dangerous. This task was taken up 
by sociologists, analysts, gynecolo- 
gists, psychologists and authors; 
they approached it with a good deal 
of scientific knowledge and an im- 
mense zeal. They joined forces and 
made the whole matter of sex com- 
plicated beyond the wildest dreams 
of our fathers. The country became 
flooded with books. Sex, which had 
hitherto been a physical expression, 
became largely mental. The whole 
order of things changed. To pre- 
pare for marriage, young girls no 
longer assembled a hope chest— 
they read books on abnormal psy- 
chology. If they finally did marry 
they found themselves with a large 
number of sex books on hand, but 
almost no pretty underwear. 


THE LOST GENERATION 


The generation that came of age in ће 
decade after World War One was the 
first of the moderns. Born and raised in 
the era of mass culture, with movies, 
magazines and advertising—new ideas 
could reach millions overnight—they 
had little or no sense of the values that 
had shaped America. Theirs was the first 
generation, the first peer group since 
the founding fathers, that had to come 
up with its own rules. 

Writing in 1951, Frederick Lewis Allen 
explained the transformation: 


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The NATURE Oj MAN 


uring the Twenties, America 
debated the nature of man 
and woman—in drugstores, speak- 
easies, classrooms and courtrooms. 

Were we descended from apes, as 
Charles Darwin maintained? Did 
the animal instinct—lust—govern 
all aspects of our life, as Sigmund 
Freud suggested? Science chal- 
lenged the fundamentalist vision of 
a higher order. 

Wasn't man created by God, in 
God's image? To teach that he was 
descended from apes was nothing 
short of blasphemy. In 1925 Ten- 
nessee passed a law forbidding the 
teaching of evolution in public 
schools. 

The newly emergent American 
Civil Liberties Union decided to 
test this statute. John Scopes, a high 
school science teacher in Dayton, 
‘Tennessee, volunteered. He read 
from Civic Biology, a textbook ap- 
proved by the state board of educa- 
tion: “We have now learned that 
animal forms may be arranged so 
as to begin with the simple one- 
celled forms and culminate with a 
group which includes man him- 


self.” Scopes was arrested. 

Clarence Darrow, one of the na- 
tion's leading defense lawyers (he 
had earned the title the Great De- 
fender for his work on the trial of 
thrill killers Nathan Leopold and 
Richard Loeb), represented the 


schoolteacher; William Jennings 
Bryan, thrice a candidate for presi- 
dent and a popular speaker at 
revival meetings, was the chosen 
champion of fundamentalists. The 
two had debated the issue of evolu- 
tion in the Chicago Tribune. Now 
they rolled up their shirtsleeves 
and went for the kill. 

The small town of Dayton found 
itself host to a media circus. Funda- 
mentalists of every denomination 
arrived to hand out pamphlets on 
the courthouse lawn: Evolution a 
Menace, Hell and the High Schools, 
God or Gorilla. Sideshow barkers 
displayed apes in cages on Main 
Street. Holy rollers spoke in 
tongues on the fringe of the 
crowds; men claiming to represent 
armies of true believers held forth 
on the dangers of education. The 
police kept atheists under surveil- 
lance for their own protection. 

The trial was indicative of the cri- 
sis facing America. For years church 


The great orator William Jennings 
Bryan ponders his ancestors in a 
political cartoon from the Twenties. 


and state had rejected the animal 
nature of man; laws equated desire 
with sin and bestial behavior. If we 
embraced Darwin, we would have 
to embrace our sexual nature. 

Bryan rose to argue incredulous- 
ly that man was nota mammal, that 
evolution would destroy morality 
and promote infidelity (both in the 
heretical and sexual sense, though 
he seemed more concerned with 
the latter). H.L. Mencken, covering 
the trial for The Baltimore Evening 
Sun, described Bryan as a “tinpot 
pope in the Coca-Cola belt” who 
ranted that “learning is dangerous, 
that nothing is true that is not in the 
Bible, that a yokel who goes to 
church regularly knows more than 
any scientist ever heard of.” 

Darrow demolished Bryan in a 
cross-examination that was held in 
the sweltering heat on the court- 
house lawn. It was a Pyrrhic victory: 
Scopes was found guilty and fined 
$100. The law remained on the 
books in Tennessee until 1967. But 
for once the media circus served 
the forces of logic and reason: 
America paused and considered 
the consequences of handing the 
nation over to fundamentalists. 

At the same time, society pon- 
dered Freud's message that civiliza- 
tion, in sceking to control man’s 
sexual instinct, had created an en- 
veloping web of repression. 

If culture had destroyed the nat- 
ural, was it still possible to find 
a primitive culture, a Garden of 
Eden, where we could glimpse sex- 
ual paradise? 

By 1929 two works attempted to 
answer these questions. Bronislaw 


Malinowski returned from the Tro- 
briand Islands to give us The Sexual 
Life of Savages, and Margaret Mead 
wrote Coming of Age in Samoa. 

Their messages were simple: 
Primitive cultures were permis- 
sive—and because they were per- 
missive, the people were free of 
neuroses. 

Mead described a culture in 
which children grew up completely 
at ease with both nakedness and the 
details of sex. They masturbated 
(sometimes in groups) and experi- 
mented with members of their own 
sex without penalty. 

Mead summarized the difference 
between the cultures: “Our chil- 
dren are faced with half a dozen 
standards of morality: a double sex 
standard for men and women, a 
single standard for men and wom- 
en, and groups which advocate that 
the single standard should be free- 
dom while others argue that the 
single standard should be absolute 
monogamy. Trial marriage, com- 
panionate marriage, contract mar- 
riage—all these possible solutions 
of a social impasse are paraded be- 
fore growing children while the ac- 
tual conditions in th 
munities and the moving pictures 
and magazines inform them of 
mass violations of every code, viola- 
tions which march under no ban- 
ners of social reform.” 

In contrast, she wrote, “The 
Samoan child faces no such dilem- 

a natural, pleasurable 
From the Samoans’ com- 
plete knowledge of sex, its possibil- 
ities and its rewards, they are able 
to count it at its true value. And if 
they have no preference for reserv- 
ing sex activity for important rela- 
tionships, neither do they regard 
relationships as important because 
they are productive of sex satisfac- 
tion. The Samoan girl who shrugs 
her shoulder over the excellent 
technique of some young lothario is 
nearer to the recognition of scx as 
al force without any in- 
than is the sheltered 
American girl who falls in love with 
the first man who kisses her. From 
their familiarity with the reverbera- 
tions which accompany sex excite- 
ment comes this recognition of the 
essential impersonality of sex at- 
traction which we may well envy 
them.” We still do. 


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PLAYBOY 


148 


An upheaval in values was taking 
place. Modesty, reticence and chiv- 
alry were going out of style; women 
no longer wanted to be ladylike or 
could appeal to their daughters to 
be wholesome; it was not too wide- 
ly suspected that the old-fashioned 
lady had been a sham and that the 
wholesome girl was merely inhibit- 
ing а nasty mind and would come to 
no good end. Victorian and puritan 
were becoming terms of opprobri- 
um: Up-to-date people thought of 
Victorians as old ladies with bustles 
and inhibitions and of puritans as 
bluenosed, ranting spoilsports. It 
was better to be modern. Everybody 
wanted to be modern—and sophis- 
ticated, and smart, to smash the 
conventions and to be devastating- 
ly frank. And with a cocktail glass 
in one’s hand it was easy at least to 
be frank. 


Writers in Greenwich Village supplied 
the credo for the new generation. Ac- 
cording to the critic Malcolm Gowley, 
self-expression was all. In Exile's Return 
he spelled out the new values. Each man 
should “realize his full individuality 
through creative work and beautiful liv- 
ing in beautiful surroundings.” The 
Greenwich Village man and woman 
were pagans who believed that “the body 
is a temple in which there is nothing 
unclean, a shrine to be adorned for 
the ritual of love." Above all else was the 
idea of living for the moment. “Bet- 
ter to seize the moment as it comes, to 
dwell in it intensely, even at the cost of 


future suffering.” 

Villagers and their kindred spirits 
across America believed in “the idea of 
liberty—every law, convention or rule of 
art that prevents self-expression or the 
full enjoyment of the moment should be 
shattered and abolished.” 

Edmund Wilson would describe meet- 
ing and falling in love with poet Edna St. 
Vincent Millay—she would go to his 
apartment to take hot baths (perfectly 
understandable in an era of cold-water 
flats). Millay was a disciple of sex. One of 
her poems describes her years in the Vil- 
lage simply: “Lust was there/and nights 
not spent alone.” She became the apex 
of a ménage à trois—Wilson writes 
obliquely of an evening spent on the 
daybed. Millay told John Peale Bishop to. 
attend to her upper half, Wilson to the 
lower half, then wondered aloud who 
had the better share. 

Millay was a modern Sappho, famous 
for having had 18 affairs within years of 
moving to the Village. Her friends read 
a great deal into another Millay poem: 


My candle burns at both ends; 

It will not last the night; 

But ah, my foes, and oh, my 
friends—, 

It gives a lovely light! 


Allen saw the limits of the revolution- 
ary zeal. The youth of the Jazz Age "be- 
lieved ina greater degree of sex freedom 
than had been permitted by the strict 
American code; and as for discussion of 
sex, not only did they believe it should 
be free but some of them appeared to 
believe it should be continuous. They 


"It's a penis, lady . . . it's supposed to get hard.” 


read about sex, talked about sex, 
thought about sex and defied anybody 
to say no.” 

To a large part, the values of the Lost 
Generation were shaped by the great 
American fiasco, Prohibition. 


PROHIBITION 


On January 16, 1920 the country went 
dry. John E. Kramer, the first Prohibition 
Commi ner, described the Volstead 
Act: “This law will be obeyed in cities, 
large and small; and where it is not 
obeyed, it will be enforced. ‘The law says 
that liquor to be used as a beverage must 
not be manufactured. We shall see that it 
is not manufactured. Nor sold, nor given 
away, nor hauled in anything on the sur- 
face of the earth or under the earth or in 
the air.” 

Prohibition was the noble experiment. 
Since its origins following the Civil War, 
the dry crusade had sought to mandate 
"dear thinking and clean living” by leg- 
islation. “The movement subsequently 
exploited the war effort in World War 
One. The military had embraced prohi- 
bition. (The country's survival depended 
on straight-thinking soldiers and sober 
workers back home.) Now the whole 
country would. The Anti-Saloon League 
and the Womer's Christian Temperance 
Union waltzed the 18th Amendment 
through the Senate and House and 
through the necessary state legislatures 
with surprising ease. (A few observers 
noted that the Amendment passed while 
some 3 million men were out of the 
country, having fought a war to make the 
world safe for democracy.) President 
Woodrow Wilson vetoed the insanity, but 
Congress overrode the veto with more 
than enough votes. 

Prohibition was unenforceable. A 
handful of agents set about policing the 
drinking habits of millions. The great 
experiment created almost immediately 
a generation of lawlessness. The Jazz 
Age, with its speakeasies and hip flasks, 
bathtub gin and home stills, was nothing 
short of a counterculture. 

Gangsters were local heroes. Small- 
time hoodlums who had previously 
trafficked in prostitution, extortion and 
gambling became big-time mobsters 
Prohibition marked the ascension of or- 
ganized crime in America. Where the 
original robber barons made their for- 
tunes by controlling a single resource 
such as coal or steel, the new clite con- 
trolled alcohol. Lucrative? A Chicago 
gangster went into business with a for- 
merly legit brewer and raked in more 
than $50 million in the first four years of 
Prohibition. Just like the robber barons, 
gangsters built mansions and bought 
governments. At the height of his power 
Al Capone made $105 million a year. His 
lifestyle was somewhat more ostentatious 
than that of a Boston blue-blood. Greed 
begat gun battles. Newspapers covered 
gangland politics in more detail than 


Time CAPSULE 


RAW DATA FROM THE TWENTIES 


FIRST APPEARANCES 

Trojan condoms. The tommy 
gun. Legal abortion (in the 
U.S.S.R.). American Civil Liberties 
Union. Plastic surgery. Rorschach 
inkblot test. Miss America. Rubber 
diaphragms. Maidenform bras. 
The Charleston. Art deco. Peni- 
cillin. Motels. The electric jukebox. 
Ford's Model A. Academy Awards. 
Nudist colonies, Wheaties, Klee- 
nex. The gas chamber. Miniature 
golf. Talkies. Broadcast radio. Read- 
er's Digest. Time. The New Yorker. 
Mickey Mouse. Bubblegum. 


PROHIBITION 

Number of people who die in 
one year from bad booze: 1565. 
Number of people arrested per 
year for violating the Volstead Act: 
75,000. Name of popular cocktail: 
between the sheets. 

Number of alcohol stills seized їп 
1921: 96,000. In 1925: 173,000. 
Cost of a portable still: $6. Average 
amount of beer prescribed in 1926 
by doctors for a variety of ailments: 
2.5 gallons. Amount of whiskey that 
could be medically prescribed, ac- 
cording to the Supreme Court: one 
pint every ten days. 

Number of speakeasies in Chica- 
go controlled by Al Capone in 
1929: 10,000. 


THERE SHE IS 

Number of entrants in the first 
Miss America contest, in 1921: 8. 
Number of entrants in 1924: 83. 
Number of contestants in 1924 who 
were blonde: 7. Most telling review: 
“These contests lack the whole- 
someness of almost any kind of ath- 
letic contest, as victory is given for 
something which has no relation to 
achievement or skill." 


MOVIE MADNESS 
Weekly movie attendance 
1920: 35 million. In 1930: 90 mil- 
lion. For every $10 spent on 
movies, the amount spent on cos- 
metics: $7. Amount spent on the 
Protestant church: nine cents. 


BIRTH CONTROL 
Number of condoms produced 
in one year by Youngs Rubber 
Corp.: 20 million. Number of the 
2200 women in a Bureau of Social 


Hygiene study who approved of 
birth control: 734. Number who 
used birth control: 730. 


BY THE NUMBERS 
Percentage of women who have 
sexual intercourse before mar- 
riage: 7. Percentage of wives who 
have sex once or twice a week: 40. 
Percentage who believe a man is 
justified in having sex with a wom- 


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an other than his wife: 24. Percent- 
age who think a woman is justified 
in slecping with a man other than 
her husband: 21. 

Number of divorces per 100 mar- 
riages in 1920: 13.4. In 1928: 16.5. 


SEX AND THE LAW 

Number of alleged Mann Act vio- 
lations investigated by the FBI be- 
tween June 30, 1922 and June 30, 
1937: 50,500. Number of written 
complaints received by the bureau 
in 1921: 9949. Number of convic- 
tions from 1920 to 1928: 3756. 

Of the 515 persons convicted in 
1924, percentage involved in pros- 
titution: 10. In seduction or false 
promise of marriage: 7. In inter- 
state adultery or fornication: 70. 


MONEY MATTERS 
Gross national product in 1920: 
$91.5 billion. Gross national prod- 
uctin 1929: $103.9 billion. 
“Total amount spent on advertis- 
ing in 1919: $1.4 billion. In 1929: 
$2.9 billion. 


Average yearly salary їп 1920: 
$1236. In 1930: $1368. 


WE THE PEOPLE 

Population in 1920: 106 million. 
In 1930: 123 million. Average life 
expectancy of males in years: 53.6. 
Of females: 54.6. In 1920, percent- 
age of males over the age of 15 who 
are single: 35. Percentage of fe- 
males over the age of 15 who are 
single: 27. 


DEFINING DEVIANCE 

Percentage of The Doctor Looks at 
Love and Life (a 1926 best-seller) de- 
voted to homosexuality: 33. How 
the book defined a gay man: “A 
man of broad hips and mincing 
gait, who vocalizes like a lady and 
articulates like a chatterbox, who 
likes to sew and knit, to ornament 
his clothing and decorate his face.” 


ON THE ROAD 

Cars sold in 1920: 1.9 million. In 
1930: 2.7 million. In 1919, percent- 
age of cars fully enclosed: 10. In 
1924: 43. By 1927: 83. Date of first 
car radio: May 1922. Of first com- 
mercially available car radio: 1927. 
Of 96 families surveyed in 1925, 
number of car owners who live in 
homes without a bathtub: 21. 


WHO'S HOT 

Charles Lindbergh, Louis Arm- 
strong, Cole Porter, George Gersh- 
win, Mary Pickford, Douglas Fair- 
banks, Rudolph Valentino, Clara 
Bow, Lon Chaney, Gloria Swanson, 
Charlie Chaplin, Greta Garbo, Pola 
Negri, Florenz Ziegfeld, Al Jolson, 
Paul Whiteman (“The King of 
Jazz"), Jack Dempsey, Babe Ruth, 
Red Grange, Bill Tilden, Bobby 
Jones, Man O' War, Mae West, Scott 
and Zelda Fitzgerald. 


FINAL APPEARANCES 

1921: Virginia Rappe. Sunbon- 
net Girl dics after party thrown by 
Fatty Arbuckle. 

1925: William Jennings Bryan. 
Dies after defending fundamental- 
ist beliefs at Scopes Monkey Trial. 

1926: Rudolph Valentino. Sex 
symbol's death launches cult. 

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Washington politics. Every week there 
were stories of frame-ups and fall guys, 
gun molls and torpedoes, diamond stick- 
pins and stickup artists. 

The crime lords created a new and ex- 
citing underworld. Limousines and taxis 
lined up outside nightclubs and speak- 
easies. Elegantly dressed men and wom- 
en whispered passwords through реер- 
holes. Men and women drank side by 
side at the bar, or in candlelit booths or 
alcoves. Privacy plus intimacy, the thrill 
of rebellion, the sauce of secrecy—a 
heady recipe. 

Prohibition was the creation of well-in- 
tentioned women whose lips had never 
touched lips that touched liquor. But 
now the flappers' lips were touching al- 
cohol. On a regular basis, American 
women were getting "spifflicated." Col- 
legians crashed parties and automobiles, 
in roughly that order. The culture broke 
through other barriers as well: White 
customers drove to the Cotton Club in 
Harlem to see Duke Ellington and drink 
the night away. Drinking was sophisticat- 
ed and sexy. 

People began to drink at home as well, 
with not-unexpected results. It seemed 
that everybody had a favorite bootleg- 
ger. Malcolm Cowley wrote: “The party 
conceived as a gathering together of 
men and women to drink gin cocktails, 
flirt, dance to the phonograph or radio 
and gossip about their absent friends 
had in fact become one of the most pop- 
ular American institutions; nobody 
stopped to think how short its history 
had been in this country.” 

Fitzgerald described the role of alco- 
hol this way: “It became less and less an 
affair of youth. The sequel was like a 
children’s party taken over by the elders. 
By 1923 their elders, tired of watching 
the carnival with ill-concealed envy, had 
discovered that young liquor will take 
the place of young blood, and with a 
whoop the orgy began. A whole race go- 
ing hedonistic, deciding on pleasure, the 
whole upper tenth of a nation living with 
the insouciance of grand ducs and the 
casualness of chorus girls." 

Frederick Lewis Allen also notes the 
spread of petting parties from young- 
sters in their teens and 20s to older men 
and women: “When the gin flask was 
passed about the hotel bedroom during: 
a dance, or the musicians stilled their 
saxophones during the Saturday night 
party at the country club, men of affairs 
and women with half-grown children 
had their little taste of raw sex. One be- 
gan to hear of young girls, intelligent 
and wellborn, who had spent weekends 
with men before marriage and had told 
their prospective husbands everything 
and had been not merely forgiven, but 
told that there was nothing to forgive; a 
little experience, these men felt, was all 
to the good for any girl. Millions of peo- 
ple were moving toward acceptance of 
what a bon vivant of earlier days had 


said was his idea of the proper state of 
morality—A single standard, and that a 
low one." 

In combination with the automobile, 
the hip flask made seduction a certainty. 
Judge Ben Lindsey, a liberal from Den- 
ver, would say of the delinquents 
brought before him: “No petting party, 
no roadhouse toot, no joyride far from 
the prying eye of Main Street is complete 
unless the boys carry flasks. There are 
no actual statistics to be had on these 
matters, but it is very clear in my mind 
that practically all of the cases where 
these girls and boys lose their judgment 
in Folly Lane involve the use of drink.” 


LITERATURE AND LUST 


Into this world came authors who be- 
lieved that Victorian repression had 
crippled mankind. Writers such as The- 
odore Dreiser, Sherwood Anderson, Eu- 
gene O'Neill and Ernest Hemingway re- 
fused to accept or spread what one 
literary historian called “the lying gospel 
that sexuality is somehow degrading.” 

Sherwood Anderson said simply: "We 
wanted the flesh back in our literature, 
wanted directly in our literature the fact 
of men and women in bed together, ba- 
bies being born. We wanted the terrible 
importance of the flesh in human rela- 
tions also revealed again.” 

The call to lust would not go unno- 
ticed. Leaders of the dry crusade turned 
their energies to sex and literature. 
Kobert Woods, a Boston social worker 
with his own grasp of Freud, believed 
that Prohibition would “profoundly 
stimulate a vast process of national 
purification” by hastening “the sublima- 
tion of the sex instinct upon which the 
next stage of progress for the human 
race so largely depends.” 

The Christian Century asserted: “Prohi- 
bition is the censorship of beverages, 
and censorship is the prohibition of 
harmful literature and spectacles. In 
general principle, the two problems are 
one. Both undertake to protect individu- 
als against their own unwise or vicious 
choices.” Harlan Fiske Stone, dean of 
the Columbia University School of Law, 
saw the impending clash. “The whole 
country is in danger of being ruined bya 
smug puritanism,” he wrote a young 
lawyer, “and intelligent people with lib- 
eral ideas, especially lawyers, ought to 
fight this tendency.” 

And fight they did. Freedom and the 
future of America went on the block in 
numerous courtrooms. 

The censors targeted Broadway plays, 
dosing Mae West's Sex after 375 perfor- 
mances. They seized the printing plates 
for The President's Daughter—a memoir 
written by Warren Harding's mistress 
(she alleged that the president had had 
sex with her in a closet at the White 
House). They ignored steamy best-sell- 
ers such as Warner Fabian's Flaming 
Youth and Unforbidden Fruit and instead 


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went after the best and the brightest. 

In New York John Sumner—Anthony 
Comstock's successor at the Society for 
the Suppression of Vice—swore out a 
complaint against Margaret Anderson 
and Jane Heap, editors of The Little Re- 
view. The magazine had published ex- 
cerpts of James Joyce's Ulysses. 

Lawyers for the defendants tried to 
have the offending passages read into 
the record. The three-judge panel re- 
fused “out of consideration for the ladies 
present”—the same ladies who had pub- 
lished the erotic musings. The work was 
Judged obscene. 

In 1928 D.H. Lawrence had 1000 
copies of Lady Chatterleys Lover, his final 
novel, privately printed in Italy. He sold 
the unexpurgated text by subscription 
to readers in England and America. Al- 
most immediately, pirated editions be- 
gan to circulate, making the story of an 
English aristocrat and her gamekeeper 
the world's most famous dirty book. 

In Boston an agent of the Watch and 
Ward Society had James DeLacey, pro- 
prietor of the Dunster House Bookshop, 
arrested for selling one of the unexpur- 
gated first-edition copies. He was sen- 
tenced to four months in jail and fned 
$800. The scciety also targeted Donald 
Friede, publisher of Theodore Dreiser's 
An American Tragedy. Dreiser himself was 
no stranger to controversy. His first nov- 
el, Sister Carrie, had been suppressed and 
bowdlerized by Doubleday, its publish- 
er; another novel, The Genius, outraged 
moralists with its suggestion that a man 
could not be tied to a single woman. 

At Friede’s obscenity trial, the district 
attorney read offending passages of An 
American Tragedy to the jury. One con- 
cerned the visit of the book's protagonist 
to a brothel: 


And now, seated here, she had 
drawn very close to him and 
touched his hands and finally link- 
ing an arm in his and pressing close 
то him, inquired if he didn't want to 
see how pretty some of the rooms 
on the second floor were furnished. 
‘And he allowed himself to be led up 
that curtained back stair and into a 
small pink and blue furnished 
room. This interestingly well- 
rounded and graceful Venus turned 
the moment they were within and 
held him to her, then calmly and be- 
fore a tall mirror which revealed 
her fully to herself and him, began 
to disrobe. 


In his closing arguments, the district 
attorney defended community stan- 
dards, and then tried to impose them on 
the entire nation: “Perhaps where the 
gentleman who published this book 
comes from it is not considered obscene, 
indecent and impure for a woman to 
start disrobing before a man, but it 
happens to be out in Roxbury, where I 
come from.” 


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JAZZ AGE Glossary 


ALL WET—Describes 

an erroneous idea or 
individual, as in, 

“Не” all wet.” 

APPLESAUCE—A term 

of derision for non- 

sense, lies; same as 

baloney, banana oil, 

bullshit, buncombe, 

bunk, hokum and 
horsefeathers. 

BALL AND CHAIN— 

One's wife, especial- 

ly if she is domi- 

neering, 

BEES KNEES—An extraordinary 
person, thing, idea; the ultimate. 
BERRIES— That which is attractive 
or pleasing; similar to bee’s knees, 
As in, “It's the berries.” 

BIBLE BELT—Area in the South and 
Midwest where Fundamentalism 
flourishes. 

BIG CHEFSE—The most important 
or influential person; boss. Same 
as big shot. 

BLUENOSE—An excessively puri- 
tanical person, a prude. Creator of 
“the Blue Nozzle Curse.” 

BRONX CHEER—A loud spluttering 
noise, used to indicate disap- 
proval. Same as raspberry. 

BULL SESSION—Male talkfest, gos- 
sip, stories of sexual exploits. 
BUMP OFF—To murder. 
CAKE-EATER—An effete ladies" 
man, or Someone who attends tea 
parties. 

CARRY A TORCH—To suffer from 
unrequited love. 

CATS MEOW—Something splendid 
or stylish; similar to bee's knees. 
CAT'S PAJAMAS—Same as cat's 
meow. 

CHEATERS—Eyeglasses. 
COPACETIC— Wonderful, fine, all 
right. 

CRUSH—An infatuation. 

DARB—An excellent person or 
thing (as in “the Darb"—a person 
with money who can be relied on 
to pay the che 

DRUGSTORE COWBOY—A fashion- 
able idler who hangs around pub- 
lic places trying to pick up women. 
FALL GUY— Victim of a frame. 
FLAPPER—A stylish, brash, hedo- 
nistic young woman with short 
skirts and shorter hair. 

FLAT TIRE—A dull-witted, insi 
disappointing date. Same as pill, 
pickle, drag, rag, oilcan. 


FRAME—To give false 
evidence, to set up 
someone. 

GAMS—A woman's 


WATER—An 
intoxicating bever- 
age. 

GIN MILL—An estab- 
ishment where hard 
uor is sold. 
GOLD DIGGER—A 
woman who associ- 
ates with or marries a 
man for his wealth. 
HEEBIE-JEEBIES— The jitters. 
HIGH-HAT—To snub. 
HOOCH— Bootleg liquor. 
HOOFER— Dancer. 
HOTSYTOTSY—Pleasing. 
їт—5ех appeal. 
JAKE—OR, as in, “Everything is 
jake.” 
JALOPY—Old car. 
KEEN—Attractive or appealing. 
KISSER—Mouth, 
LINE—Insincere flattery, 
LOUNGE LIZARD—A ladies! man; a 
social parasite; a ne'er-do-well. 
MIDDLE AISLE— To marry. 
мош. —А gangster’s girl. 
MRS. GRUNDY—A priggish or ex- 
tremely tight-laced person. 
NECK—Kissing with passion. 
NOBODY HOME—Describes some- 
one who is dumb. 
PET—Same as neck, but more so. 
PINCH— To arrest, 
PUSHOVER—A person easily con- 
vinced or seduced. 
REAL MCCOY—The genuine article. 
RITZY—Elegant (from the hotel). 
5НЕВА—А woman with sex appeal 
(from the movie Queen of Sheba). 
SHEIK—A man with sex appeal 
(from the Valentino movie), 
SPEAKEASY—An illicit bar that sells 
bootleg liquor. 
SPIFFLICATED—Drunk, The same as 
canned, corked, tanked, primed. 
scrooched, jazzed, zozzled, plas- 
tered, owled, embalmed. lit, pot- 
ted, ossified or fried to the hat. 
SPIFFY—An elegant appearance. 
STRUGGLE-BUGGY—A car in which 
men try to seduce women. 
STUCK ON—Having a crush on. 
SWANKY—Ritzy. 
SwELL—Wonderful. Also: a rich 
man. 
TORPEDO—A hired gun. 
WHOOPEE—To have a good time. 
especially with sex included (as in. 
“making whoopec"). 


The jury found the publisher guilty 
The phrase banned in Boston thus en- 
tered the American language. 

H.L. Mencken, a columnist for The 
Baltimore Sun and editor of Smart Set and 
the American Mercury, was the most vocal 
opponent of the old order. Vowing to 
“combat, chiefly by ridicule, American 
piety, stupidity, tin-pot morality and 
cheap chauvinism in all their forms,” he 
attacked reformers, moralists, the KKK, 
preachers, fundamentalists, patriots, pol- 
iticians, poltroons and censors. 

Ina brilliant essay published just after 
World War One, Mencken tracked the 
impact of puritanism as a literary force. 
What began on the mourner's bench in 
New England churches—the spectacle of 
an individual solemnly confronting his 
own sinfulness—had become a sport of 
tormenting “the happy rascal across the 
street.” Mencken noted that prosperity 
created the purge; that following the 
Civil War, newly minted “Christian mil- 
lionaires" bankrolled everything from 
vice crusades to Prohibition: "Wealth, 
discovering its power, has reached out its 
long arms to grab the distant and innu- 
merable sinner; it has gone down into its 
deep pockets to pay for his costly pursuit 
and flaying; it has created the puritan 
entrepreneur, the daring and imagina- 
tive organizer of puritanism, the baron 
of moral endeavor.” 

The American puritan, noted the sage 
of Baltimore, “was not content with the 
rescue of his own soul. He felt an irre- 
sistible impulse to hand salvation on, to 
disperse and multiply it, to ram it down 
reluctant throats, to make it free, univer- 
sal and compulsory.” Puritans had insti- 
tuted “a campaign of repression and 
punishment perhaps unequaled in the 
history of the world.” 

Elsewhere, he ridiculed the “intolera- 
ble prudishness and dirty-mindedness of 
puritanism” and its “theory that the en- 
forcement of chastity by a huge force of 
spies, stool pigeons and police would 
convert the republic into a nation of 
moral esthetes. All this, of course, is sim- 
ply pious fudge. If the notion were actu- 
ally sound, then all the great artists of 
the world would come from the ranks of 
the hermetically repressed, i.e.. from the 
ranks of old maids, male and female. But 
the truth is, as everyone knows, that the 
great artists of the world are never pur- 
itans and seldom even ordinarily re 
spectable. No moral man—that is moral 
in the YMCA sense—has ever painted a 
picture worth looking at, or written a 
symphony worth hearing, or a book 
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154 


When the man paid 50 cents, Menck- 
en—deliberately and in full view of the 
gathered crowd—bit the coin to see if it 
was genuine. 


THE FACTS OF LIFE 


The times had changed since Mar- 
r opened the first U.S. birth 
in 1916—ап act for which 
she had gone to jail. Her lawyer had 
challenged the law and won. А New York 
court declared it legal to dispense birth 
control information to women whose 
health demanded it. But obtaining the 
devices was a problem. 

Sanger opened a two-room office on 
Fifth Avenue. In the first two months of. 
operation, 2700 women came to the 
office for advice. The clinic dispensed at 
least 900 diaphragms. 

The diaphragms came from Holland. 
An Italian neighbor smuggled in the 
birth control devices in liquor boules— 
along with Dutch gin—from ships an- 
chored beyond the 12-mile limit. Sang- 
er's second husband, J. Noah Slee, later 
brought in contraband items on train- 
loads of 3-in-1 Oil from Canada. Late in 
the decade an American company, Hol- 
land Rantos, would begin to produce 
rubber diaphragms, but one doubts the 
American product had the novelty of 
those brought in by smugglers. 


INTERNAL RE 


E 


Condoms were more available. The 
health lectures from World War One had 
introduced an enüre generation to their 
usefulness. Trojan, the first brand of la- 
tex condoms, debuted in 1920. The con- 
doms were sold in gas stations, tobacco 
shops, barbershops and drugstores—for 
the prevention of disease only. Propo- 
nents of birth control still faced legal ob- 
stacles. In 1918, 18 states had laws that 
prohibited the dissemination of contra- 
cepüve information. Another 23 had 
laws stating that "contraceptive infor- 
mation is immoral or obscene and there- 
fore criminal.” Only five states—Geor- 
gia, New Hampshire, New Mexico, 
North Carolina and Washington—did 
not restrict birth control information 

"The church still controlled the debate: 
At the beginning of the decade the arch- 
bishop of New York personally dis- 
patched city police to prevent Sanger 
from delivering a lecture on birth con- 
trol at Town Hall. 

‘Two separate organizations—Sanger's 
American Birth Control League and 
Mary Ware Dennett's Voluntary Parent- 
hood League—turned their attentions 
to Washington. If family limitation was 
to be a reality, the law drafted by Antho- 
ny Comstock in 1873 that forbade “mail- 
ing obscene or crime-inciting matter” 
would have to be changed. The two 


“But you're talking about money I obtained 
through fraud and deception. Surely that can’t be considered 
taxable income.” 


groups began to work their way through 
the Congressional Directory, trying to find 
sponsors for a law that would remove 
the words equating “prevention of con- 
ception” with “obscenity.” Then, the in- 
dividual states would fall in line. Doctors 
would have no fear of meddlesome vice 
agents; women returning from Europe 
with the latest contraceptive technology 
would not fall prey to Customs agents. 

The two groups differed on one vital 
point: Sanger wanted doctors to dis- 
pense birth control information to fe- 
male patients (viewing it as a woman's 
issue), while Dennett wanted the infor- 
mation available to all (viewing birth 
control as a concern for both sexes—and 
none of the doctor's business). 

Doctors were not comfortable with 
family limitation or birth control: For 
years, the profession had battled to dis- 
tinguish itself from the quacks, dis- 
pensers of patent medicine and herbal- 
ists who dealt with “women’s problems.” 
Birth control supposedly threatened 
their respectability. Robert Latou Dick- 
inson, a New York obstetrician, headed a 
committee to look into the matter The 
group tried to work with Sanger and 
Dennett, but the alliance failed. 

The birth control crusade was met 
with ambivalence among politicians as 
well. Few congressmen committed to a 
revision of the Comstock Act. Dr. Hubert 
Work, assistant postmaster general and 
former president of the AMA, told Den- 
nett that the purpose of the Voluntary 
Parenthood League was to “instruct ev- 
erybody how to have illicit intercourse 
without the danger of pregnancy.” 

Dr. Work was promoted to postmaster 
general in 1922 when his predecessor, 
Will Hays, left to monitor the morals of 
Hollywood. Work posted a bulletin in all 
post offices stating that it was a criminal 
offense to send or receive matter relating 
to the prevention of conception. 

When Dennett ridiculed the decision 
in an editorial, she received notice: “My 
Dear Madam: According to advice from 
the solicitor for the Post Office, the pam- 
phlet entitled The Sex Side of Life: An Ex- 
planation for Young People, by Mary Ware 
Dennett, is unmailable under Section 
211 of the Penal Code. As copies of this 
pamphlet bearing your name as the 
sender have been found in the mails, the 
decision is communicated for your infor- 
mation and guidance.” 

It was intimidation, pure and simple. 
In 1915 Dennett had written a pamphlet 
on the facts of life for her two sons. Far 
from being obscene, it had been en- 
dorsed by the YMCA (the same organi- 
zation that had funded Comstock). 

Dennett continued to lobby Congress 
to change the law, and she distributed 
more than 30,000 copies of The Sex Side 
of Life. 1n 1929 Mrs. Carl A. Miles—sup- 
posedly a member in good standing of 
the Daughters of the American Revolu- 
tion—filed a formal complaint. (Mrs. 


Miles, it turned out, was the creation of 
the Post Office.) Dennett was charged 
with mailing a “pamphlet, booklet and 
certain printed matter, which were ob- 
scene, lewd, lascivious and filthy, vile and 
indecent, against the peace and dignity 
of the U.S.” 

Dennett chose to fight. She hired Mor- 
ris Ernst, a young lawyer with the re- 
cently formed American Civil Liberties 
Union, to defend her. 

It became clear immediately that the 
law was being used to force a particular 
moral view on the women of America. 
On the day of the open hearing, Dennett 
discovered that Judge Grover Moscowitz 
had invited three Brooklyn clergymen to 
share the bench with him “to aid the 
conscience of the court.” 

Warren Booth Burrows, the eventual 
trial judge, was no improvement. The 
judge refused to hear any of the witness- 
es—including YMCA representatives 
and Dr. Dickinson—who found value in 
the pamphlet. The judge also refused to 
allow letters from supporters to be read 
into the record. 

The prosecutor selected the members 
of the jury with great care. “Have any of 
you ever read anything by Havelock El- 
lis or H.L. Mencken?” he asked. Those 
who admitted they had were dismissed. 
The prosecutor then went on the attack, 
daiming Dennett was a defiler of youth: 
“Not one word in this about chastity! Not 


one word about self-control! Not one 
word to distinguish simple lust from law- 
ful passion! It describes the act as being 
accompanied by the greatest pleasure 
and enjoyment. Why, there's nothing a 
boy could see, on reading this book, ex- 
cept a darkened room and a woman! 
Where does the institution of honor and 
family come offif we let a gospel like that 
go out to the world?" 

Dennett was found guilty and, like 
Sanger more than a decade earlier, be- 
came a heroine overnight. Senators 
promised to pass the bill to amend the 
Comstock Act (but once again found in- 
activity to be the best political course). 
On March 3, 1930 Justice Augustus 
Hand delivered a reversal: “The defen- 
dant's discussion of the phenomenon of 
sex is written with sincerity of feeling 
and with an idealization of the marriage 
relation and sex emotion. We think it 
tends to rationalize and dignify such 
emotions rather than to arouse lust. We 
hold that an accurate exposition of the 
relevant facts of the sex side of life in de- 
cent language and in manifesting serious 
and disinterested spirit cannot ordinari- 
ly be regarded as obscene.” 


HOLLYWOOD BABYLON 


‘The Twenties revolved around three 
almost mythic centers: Greenwich Vil- 
lage, Paris and Hollywood. Greenwich 
Village supplied the ideas (of underpaid 


writers and struggling artists whose free 
love and experimental styles provided 
the inspiration for the Jazz Age), Paris 
was the playground (where expatriates 
got to experience a Continental lifestyle 
away from Mrs. Grundy and enjoy a 
good drink in the cafés of Montpar- 
nasse) and Hollywood provided the fan- 
tasies (the imagination made visible). 

Hollywood was as free and unfettered 
as Greenwich Village or Paris, only ev- 
eryone was rich and beautiful. The film 
colony vied with the original colonies for 
control of the American dream. In 1920, 
35 million people attended the mov- 
ies each week. In 1920 Mary Pickford 
earned $1 million a year, more than ten 
times the salary of the president. Holly- 
wood stars were the most famous people 
on the planet. 

Douglas Fairbanks played characters 
who tumbled, boxed, fenced and played 
golf and tennis. He was a bare-chested 
swashbuckler, the thief of Baghdad, Zor- 
ro. He fairly leaped from the screen. 
When he opened a string of gyms, he 
taught men to perfect and enjoy their 
bodies, insisting that athleticism was an 
"antidote to too much civilization" and 
an alternative to the "sea of sensuous- 
ness." The proper response to tempta- 
tion, it seemed, was a quick jog around 
the park or a few rounds in the gym. 

Pickford was America's sweetheart, a 
resourceful, independent woman who in 


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PELTA Тао y 


156 


film after film tackled problems with her 
Sleeves rolled to the elbows, who danced 

ith Gypsies and workers, who gave ad- 
vice to the young women of the day. 

In 1990 these two perfect symbols of 
American manhood and womanhood di- 
vorced their respective spouses and mar- 
ried. Their home—Pickfair—became a 
gathering place for royalty, both real and 
of the sort created in Hollywood. 

If Doug and Mary represented an all- 
American kind of sex appeal, an exotic 
new matinee idol who represented a dif- 
ferent sort of sex appeal, more contro- 
versial and forbidden, soon took center 
stage. 

Rodolpho Alfonzo Raffaele Pierre Fi- 
libert Guglielmi di Valentina d’An- 
tonguolla, an Italian gardener and 
dancer by way of Long Island, a.k.a. 
Rudolph Valentino, did more to raise 
the sexual temperature of the nation 
than any other single individual. In The 
Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, he ap- 
peared painting three nudes in a studio, 
then went on to dance a smoldering tan- 
go. The Horsemen grossed $4.5 million. 
The Sheik established him as the sex sym- 
bol of the decade. 

The movie poster for The Sheik pro- 
claimed: “See: The auction of beautiful 
girls to the lords of Algerian harems. 
The barbaric gambling fete in the glitter- 
ing casino of Biskra. The heroine, dis- 
guised, invade the bedouin’s secret slave 
rites. Sheik Ahmed raid her caravan and 
carry her off to his tent. Her stampede 
his Arabian horses and dash away to 
freedom. The sheik's vengeance. The 
storm in the desert. A proud girl's heart 


surrendered.” 

At first American men were put off by 
this pomaded, smoldering Latin lover. 
But they noticed the effect he had on 
their wives and girlfriends. Valentino 
was a he-vamp. 

American men began to call them- 
selves sheiks, their girlfriends shebas. 
When Valentino kissed the palm of a 
lover, men copied the move and hoped 
for the same result. Those who couldn't 
Hare their nostrils or make their eyes 
flash with sparks were doomed to fail- 
ure. When a reporter for the Chicago 
Tribune blamed Valentino for the effemi- 
nization of American men, he chal- 
lenged the writer to a duel 

When Valentino died unexpectedly of 
a perforated ulcer in 1926, more than 
30,000 mourners visited the funeral 
home where he lay in state. For decades, 
an unidentified fan, the Lady in Black, 
visited his tomb on the anniversary of 
his death. 

Clara Bow became a sex star when she 
starred in a spunky 1927 comedy called 
It. Novelist Elinor Glyn had converted 
her novel into the definitive flapper film 
The movie begins with a man reading a 
story in Cosmopolitan (authored by Glyn) 
that describes whether or not a given 
person has sex appeal, that magical qual- 
ity called “It.” Bow portrayed а shopgirl 
who sets her sights on the owner of the 
department store in which she works. 
Finding herself with nothing to wear on 
the big date, she takes a pair of scissors to 
her work dress, cuts a neckline almost to 
her navel and whips up a perfect eve- 
ning dress. She gets the guy. 


"Aren't you carrying this safe sex thing a bit far?” 


Ofiscreen she got the guy as well, be- 
ing linked with everyone from Gary 
Co о the USC football team. She 
had “It,” and knew how to use “It"—un- 
til the advent of talkies at the end of the 
decade revealed she also had a strong 
Brooklyn accent. Her career as a sex 
symbol ended soon after. 

The culture depicted in films was sin- 
gularly sexy. America watched a young 
Joan Crawford cut loose on a tabletop in 
Our Dancing Daughters, a heart-stopping 
Gloria Swanson emerge from a luxuri- 
ous bath in a Cecil B. De Mille epic, a 
smoldering Greta Garbo seduce and 
abandon John Gilbert. 

E.S. Turner claims in A History of 
Courting that movies changed the mating 
dance forever: “The cinema taught girls 
the peculiar potency of the female eye, 
how to halt or dismiss a man with a look; 
how to search his eyes at close quarters. 
It taught girls to recognize the symp- 
toms of a kiss coming on, how to parry it, 
how to encourage it while apparently 
avoiding it, or how to return it with in- 
terest. There is evidence in more than 
one quarter that the cinema taught girls 
the trick of closing their eyes when 
Kissed, which one had always supposed 
to be a natural instinct of women, It en- 
couraged them to kick up one heel (or 
even two heels) when embraced. It also 
taught them how and when to slap.” 

On-screen, anything was possible. It 
was what happened offscreen that 
changed Hollywood. 


ROSCOE “FATTY” ARBUCKLE, 


In 1913 a self-described “funny man 
and acrobat" walked onto a movie lot in 
Los Angeles. Something about the fat 
man caught Mack Sennett’s cye: Within 
a year Roscoe “Fatty” Arbuckle was writ- 
ing, directing and acting in short come- 
dies. Teamed with Mabel Normand 
(Sennett's girlfriend), Fatty was the vic- 
tim of filmdom's first custard pie. He el- 
evated the pratfall to a multistory art. 
His output was extraordinary: at least 50 
tides the first year alone. Over the next 
three years his salary rose from $25 a 
week to more than $1 million a year. In 
1920 Arbuckle starred in a feature called 
The Life of the Party. In 1921 he made 
Breuster’s Millions, the first of six features 
he would film in seven months. He had 
recently signed a three-year contract 
worth $3 million and decided it was time 
totakea break. "I'm taking a little trip to 
the city,” he said. 

In those days, the city was San Francis- 
co. Los Angeles was a studio town, with a 
lot of open spaces, orange groves, sage- 
brush-filled back lots and a few expen- 
sive mansions. 

Arbuckle and friends drove a custom 
$25,000 Pierce Arrow up the coast to 
San Francisco and checked into three 
rooms in the St. Francis Hotel. A local 
bootlegger provided gin and whiskey. 
‘The front desk supplied setups. Another 


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“Made $15,000 In 2 Months At 22" 

* was able to earn over $15,000 with your plan—in 
just the past two months. Аз a 22 year old girl, I never 
thought that I'd ever be able to make as much money as 
fast as I've been able todo, I really do wish to thank you, 
pon a Ob at har Ms. E L. Los Angeles. CA 
“Made $126,000 In 3 Months’ 

"For years, 1 passed up all the plans that promised to 
make me rich. Probably I am lucky I did—but I am even 


‘more lucky that 1 look the time to send for your material. 
Itchanged my whole life. Thanks to you, I made $126,000 
С S. Wa, Plainfield, IN 
“Made $203,000 In 8 Months" 

"I never believed those success stories., never believed 
I would be one of them... using your techniques, in just 8 
months, I made over $203,000... made over $20,000 more 
in the last 22 days! Not just vell prepared but simple, easy, 
fast...John, thank you for your Royal Road to Riches!" 

С. M., Los Angeles, CA 
$500,000 In Six Months’ 

"I'm amazed at my success! By using your secret 1 
made $500,000 in six months. That's more than twenty 
times what I've made in any single year before! I've never 
‘made so much money in such short time with minimum 
efíor My whole life I was waiting for this amazing mir- 
acle! Thank you. John Wright. Sera 


As you can tell by now 1 have come across something 
pretty good. I believe I have discovered the sweetest lire 
money-making secret 


you could ever imagine. 


Most of the time, it takes big money to make money. This 
is an exception, With this secret you can start in your spare 
time with almost nothing But of course you don’t Fave to. 
‘start small or stay small. You can go as fast and as far as you 
wish. The size of your profits is totally up to you. I can't 
guarantee how much you will make with this secret but I can 
tell you this—so far this amazing money ing secret 
makes the profis from most ether ideas lock like peanuts! 

‘Now at last, I've completely explained this remarkable 
secret ina special money making plan I call й "The Reyal 
Road to Riches". Some call it à miracle. You'll probably 
call it "The Secret of Riches”. You will leam everything 
you need tc know step-by-step. So you too can put this 
amazing money making secret to work for you and make 
all the money you need. 

То prove this secret will solve all ycur money problems, 
don’t send me any money, instead postdate your check for а 
‘month and a half from today. I guarantee not to deposit it for. 
45 days. I won't cash your check for 45 days before 1 know 
fce sure that you are completely satisfied with my material. 


$20.00 FRE! 

There is no way you can lose. You either solve all your 
money problems with this secret (in just 30 days) or you 
Ба your money back plus $20.00 in cash FREE! 

Do you realize what this means? You can put my sim- 
ple secret into use. Be able to solve all your money prob- 
lems. And if for any reason whatscever you are not 100% 
satisfied after using the secret for 30 days, you may return 
‘my material, And then 1 will nct only return your Original 
UNCASHED CHECK, but I will also send you an extra 
$20.00 cashiers check just for giving the secret an honest 
ty according to the simple instructions. 

I GUARANTEE IT! With my unconditional guar- 
эмее, there is absolutely NO RISK ON YOUR PART. 

То order, simply write your name and address on a 
piece of paper. Enclose your postdated check or money 
‘order for $29.65 and send it to: 


JOHN WRIGHT 
Dept. 298 

3340 Ocean Park Blvd. 
Sulte 3065 

Santa Monica, CA 90405 


But the supply of my material 15 limited. So send in 
your order now while the supply lasts. 

If you wish to charge it to your Visa, MasterCard or 
Discover—be sure to include your account number and 
expiration date. That's all there is to it. I'll send you my 
material right away by return mail, along with cur uncon. 
ditional guarantee. 


SWORN STATEMENT: 


"As Mr, John Wright's accountant, I certify that his 
assets exceed one million dollars." Mark Davis 


© 1995 JOHN WRIGHT. 


157 


TUNES O 7. TIMES 


OPTIMISM 
Ain't We Got Fun? * I'm Sitting on 
Top of the World * Pm Looking Over а 
Four-Leaf Clover * Look for the Sil- 
ver Lining * Looking at the World 
Through Rose Colored Glasses * Good 
News * The Best Things in Life Are 
Free * When You're Smiling (the Whole 
World Smiles at You) * Let a Smile Be 
Убит Umbrella * Singin’ in the Rain 


NONSENSE 
Yes! We Have No Bananas * Does the 
Spearmint Lose Its Flavor on the Bed- 
post Overnight? * Bar- 
ney Google * I Scream, 
You Scream (We All 
Scream for Ice Cream) 


GUYS 
Lucky Lindy! * Clap 

Hands! Here Comes 

Charley! * Im Just 

Wild About Harry * 

The Sheik of Araby * 

My Man * The Man 1 

Love * ] Must Have 

That Мат * Can't 

Help Lovin' Dat Man * Those Wed- 
ding Bells Are Breaking Up That Old 
Gang of. Mine 


GIRLS, GIRLS, GIRLS 
Baby Face * Girl of My Dreams * Five 
Foot Tivo, Eyes of Blue * Yes Sir! That's 
Му Baby * Ain't She Sweet? * Sweet 
Georgia Brown * Sweet Sue—Just You 
* Sweet Lorraine * Sugar * Cherry * 
My Greenwich Village Sue * Rose of. 
Washington Square * Secondhand 
Rose * My Little Bimbo Down on the 
Bamboo Isle * Sleepy Time Gal * Co- 
quelle * Mandy, Make Up Your Mind 
* Somebody Stole My Gal * She's 
Everybody's Sweetheart * Hard-Heart- 
ed Hannah 


ALONE AND LONELY 
All Alone * I'm Nobody's Baby * Some- 
body Loves Me * Are You Lonesome 
‘Tonight? * Red Lips, Kiss My Blues 
Away 


LOVE, LOVE, LOVE 
You're the Cream in My Coffee * You 
Do Something to Me * You Were 
Meant for Me * My Heart Stood Still 
* In a Mist * 'S Wonderful * Thou 
Swell * It Had to Be You * Always * 
My Kinda Love * I Can't Believe That 
You're in Love With Me * My Baby 
Just Cares for Me * Angry * Mean to 
Me * Baby, Won't You Please Come 


Home * You Took Advantage of Me * I 
Cried for You (Now It's Your Turn to 
Cry Over Me) * I Guess I'll Have to 
Change My Plan * How Come You Do 
Me Like You Do? * You've Got to See 
Mama Ev'ry Night or You Can't See 
Mama at All * There'll Be Some 
Changes Made 


NAUGHTY BUT NICE 
Im a Vamp From East Broadway * 
Flamin’ Mamie Roll "Em Girls—(Roll 
"Em Down and Show Your Pretty 
Knees) * Ma—Hes Making Eyes at 
Me * (Your Lips Say 
No, No, But) There's 
Yes, Yes in Your Eyes * 
Gimme a Little Kiss, 
Will Ya, Huh? * Let's 
Misbehave * Let's Do It 
* Do It Again * How 
Long Has This Been 
Going On? * After You 
Get What You Want, 
You Don't Want It * 

Makin’ Whoopee 

^ 


= BLUES 
Jazz Me Blues * Wang Wang Blues * 
Sugar Blues * Wabash Blues * Down 
Hearted Blues * Farewell Blues * 


Lonesome Mama Blues * Weary 
Blues * Limehouse Blues * Wolverine 
Blues * Davenport Blues * Basin 
Street Blues * Big City Blues 


DANCING 
Fidgety Feet * Fascinating Rhythm * I 
Wish I Could Shimmy Like My Sister 
Kate * Crazy Rhythm * Black Bottom * 
Muskrat Ramble * The Varsity Drag 


DRINKING 
Prohibition Blues * Show Me the Way 
to Go Home 


MOVIES 
At the Moving Picture Ball * Oh Those 
Charley Chaplin Feet * Sweet Little 
Mary Pickford * If I Had a Talking 
Picture of You 


TRAVELING 
Toot, Toot, Tootsie! (Good Bye) * Cali- 
fornia, Here 1 Come * Chicago (That 
Toddling Town) * Manhattan * I'm 
Gonna Charleston. Back to Charleston 
* I'm Coming, Virginia 


THE CRASH 
1 Can't Give You Anything but Love * 
Nobody Knows You When You're Down 
aud Out 


call produced a Victrola. The party was 
under way. 

Shortly after noon on Labor Day, two 
guests arrived: Virginia Rappe, a some- 
time actress and party girl, and Bambina 
Maude Delmont, an occasional “dress 
model” and a provider of party girls. 
(She ran a badger game, putting rich vic- 
tims in compromising positions.) 

After some drinking, Rappe apparent- 
ly wandered into one of the bedrooms. 
Arbuckle followed. 

Arbuckle said he found Rappe on the 
floor of the bathroom; he gave her a 
glass of water and placed her on a bed, 
then returned to the bathroom. When 
he emerged Rappe was tearing at her 
clothes and screaming, "I'm dying, I'm 
dying.” Other partygoers flocked into 
the room and tried to calm Rappe, 
putting her in a cold bath, applying ice 
packs, finally calling the hotel manager. 
to get the distraught woman her own 
room. A house doctor treated her for ex- 
cessive drinking. 

The party wound down. Arbuckle and 
friends checked out of the hotel and re- 
turned to Los Angeles. Four days after 
the party Rappe died in a hospital of 
peritonitis, the result of a burst bladder. 

Delmont surfaced with a wild story. 
Arbuckle, she said, had dragged Rappe 
to the bedroom and ravaged her. Del- 
mont claimed she had pounded on the 
door, trying to rescue her friend, and 
had found Rappe with her clothing torn 
to shreds, moaning on the bed: “I'm dy- 
ing, I'm dying. He killed me.” 

Delmont told this story to the police, 
the press and a grand jury and Arbuckle 
was arrested for murder. William Ran- 
dolph Hearst and the tabloids exploited 
the tragedy. America's funniest fat man 
became a monster. Arbuckle, it was said, 
raped the actress with a Coke bottle, а 
champagne bottle, a jagged piece of ice. 

Rappe, whose portrait had graced the 
sheet music to Let Me Call You Sweetheart 
(earning her the title Sunbonnet Girl), 
was portrayed as purity incarnate, 
Arbuckle as everything corrupt about 
Hollywood. 

The city of San Francisco rose to de- 
fend the honor of American woman- 
hood. The Women's Vigilant Committee 
took over the courtroom: When Arbuck- 
1с arrived they stood and spat at him. An 
ambitious prosccutor played to thc 
crowd, bullying or hiding witnesses and 
ignoring evidence, turning the judicial 
process into a show trial. 

The facts? An autopsy showed that 
there had been no rape. A nurse said 
Rappe had confided in her that she suf- 
fered from syphilis. A doctor testified 
that syphilis can cause a bladder to burst. 
It appeared that Rappe had had a num- 
ber of abortions; some argued that the 
peritonitis resulted from a botched one. 

Delmont, the only person who claimed 
that Rappe had been abused by Arbuck- 
le, never took the stand. It seems the 


Official Sweepstakes Rules 
No Purchase Necessary 
This Contest Is Subject To Complete Rules. All Prizes Will Be Awarded. 


Mi). To Enter, No purchase or telephone call necessary. To eater by telephone, call 1-900-933-0334 
ОСОБ b! the call is $4.95. Charges will appear on your telephone bill. Calls will be accepted 24 
US a day om) 12:00 A.M. EST on 2-1-97 to 11:59 PM. EST on 4-30-97. To enter by mail, hand- 
ШШШ nae, address and phone number on a 3'х5" card to U.S. Adventures Sweepstakes c/o 
ШШЕ О Enterprises Corporation, PO. Box 292, 1506 Carroll Ave., Caruthersville, Missouri 
Baa Entry per stamped envelope. Sponsor not responsible for late, lost or misdirected mail. 
Mallenifics mis! be postmarked by 4-30-97 and received by 5-9-97. No mechanically reproduced 
entries will ba accepted. 

(ШЕШЕН кез begins 2-1-97. All mail-in entries must be received by 5-9-97 to be eligible. 
Nostesponisibility Is assumed for lost, late, misdirected, damaged or postage due mail, or for printing 
‘or other eror 

ШАШ prize winner will be selected by random drawing of all entries on or about 5-30-97. 
ШЕШЕН! winner must follow the directions contained in any required Affidavit of 
IEligibiliy/Release of Liability/Prize Acceptance form/skill-resting notification or any correspondence 
КОДЕШ and return all forms correctly filled out, so thal the forms are received МЫП 21 days 
ТШШ D} correspondence. Noncompliance within this time period may result in dlllilelification 
Bndanlleinale winner may be selected. 

ШЕШ! prize consists of a 1997 Chevrolet, Camaro 7-28 Convertible Vin # 
ZGIERS2PSV2303642. There is only one grand prize. The approxirygle value of this prize is 
ООО ВО substitutions of the prize will be offered. Valve of the pridüllilstated in U.S. Currency. 
ТАЕ ШШЕ licensing and registration lees are the responsibility of Weiner. General Motors 
(Corporation @hievtolet Motor Oivision does nol endorse, indicate any preference for or assume any 
‘Tesponsibiliy 10" thts promotion. Odds of winning are determined by the number of entries. Enter as 
‚often as you wish 

AG) This Sleepsiakes is only open to residents of the fifty (50) United States who are TE Years of age 
ШИШЕ possess a valid drivers license. This Sweepstakes is void in Georgia, lowa, Kansas, 
Guiana Minnesota, New Jersey, Oregon, Rhode Island, and Vermogbagd where prohibited by law. 
Employees (and their families or agents) of the following compar ро! eligible: Central U.S. 
Еле Corporation, and any fulfiliment, judging or any other со луомед in any way with 
Me Sweepstakes, AY fedgyal, state, municipal and provincial laws and Ж Нот apply. 

(О Winner veleases Terfa) US Enterpase Corporation and its affiliates, officers, agents, and 
employeesitrora any responsibility OF Mabilly in Connection with any loss or accident, or death 
poured in.conngelich wi the Use of this prize Central U.S. Enterprise Corporation and its affiliates 
Ui this Sweepstakes does nol male not Is responsible for a warranty or a guarantee with regards to this. 
prize. This шшер not ШЕ tote tines of this prize for a particular purpose. By acceptance 
"uf ihe prige, winter СОЙ ЕЕС ВОВ name and address and/or likeness for the purpose 
el advërtising ог trade without additional compensation. 

16) ena chance drawing ШШЕ prize, In the even an unclaimed prize an alter- 
male winner will Be seleclee-bytandomdawing. The grand prize will be awarded on or 
‚about 5-30-97 

w For а copy of the rules or the пате oi the Winner (available 6-30-97) send a self- 
addressed stamped iure marked US. Adventure Sweepstakes Winner to Central U.S. 
Enterprises Corporation, PO: Box 292, 1506 Carroll Ave... Caruthersville, Missouri 63630. 
indicate "Rule Request” or "Winners List’. Washington and California need nct affix 
тет postage. U.S. Adventure Sweepstakes is a division of and is sponsored by Central 
U.S. Enterprise Corp. 


900-933-0334 


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No Purchase Necessary. Touch Tone Phone Required. 
Must Be 18 Years or Over To Enter. 


VEHICLE ON DISPLAY A 


Les Marks Chevrolet Inc. 
112 S. 10th Street 
Laporte, TX 77571 


VENTURE PARTNER: 


A.C.A. Enterprises Corp. 
12227 Murphy Road 


Stafford, TX 77477 


Customer Service # (573) 333-0610 


General Motors Corporation, Chevrolet Motor Division does nol endorse, indicate any preference for or assume any responsibility for this promotion 


160 


ном 


то 


BUY 


Below is a list of retailers and 
manufacturers you can contact 
fer information on where to 
“find this month’s merchandise. 
To buy the apparel and equip- 
ment shown on pages 20, 
88-92, 108-111, 122-127 
and 183, check the listings 
below to find the stores 
nearest you. 


WIRED 


fine liquor stores. Ales and 
beer: Rodenbach Grand 
Cru, Duvel and Blanche de 
Bruges from Van Berg and 
De Wulf. 800-656-1212. 
Newcastle Brown Ale from 
Newcastle Importers, at fine 
liquor stores. Thomas Har- 
dy's Ale from Phoenix 
Importers, 800-700-4253. 
Boddingtons Pub Ale, at 
fine liquor stores. 


Page 20: "Man: The Ma- 
chine": Personal area net- 
work by 18M, wwwalmaden ibm com, “All 
Talk and Action": Modems: By Diamond 
Multimedia, 800-727-8772. By Hayes Micro- 
computer Co., 770-441-1617. “Gamers U.”: 
Video game programming and design 
from Digipen Applied Computer Graphics 
School, 604-682-0300. "Wild Things": 
Speakers by Altec Lansing, 800-648-6663. 
The Perfect Connection from XLO Electric 
Co., 800-956-8721. Personal post office by 
Pitney Bowes, 800-672-6937. 


ELECTRONICS FIX '97 

Pages 88-92: DSS receiver and dish by 
Hitachi, 800-241-6558. Laser disc, CD 
and DVD player by Pioneer Electronics, 
800-746-6337. Home-theater receiver by 
Onkyo, 800-225-1946. Projection TV by 
Toshiba, 800-631-3811. Camcorder by Sony 
Electronics Corp., 800-222-7669. Stereo sys- 
tem by Revox, from BTS, Inc., 708-343- 
1524, Handheld personal computer by 
LG Electronics, 800-243-0000. PDA pen by 
A-T. Cross, 800-510-9660. Home computer 
by IBM, 800-426-1735, ext. 4340. 


A TOAST TO TASTE 

Pages 108-111: Decanter, label and tongs 
from Asprey, 212-688-1811. Cocktail glass- 
es from Cartier, 312-266-7440. Three- 
piece bar set from Fortunoff, 212-758- 
6660. Cocktail shaker, shot glasses and 
ice bucket from Faces of Time, 212-291- 
0822. Brut champagne by Taillinger, at 
fine liquor stores. Jamaican rum from J. 
Wray and Newphew Lid., 809-923-4917. Co- 
gnac and Canadian whiskey by Jim Beam 
Brands Co., 847-948-8888, ext. 2618. Vod- 
ka from World Wide Wine and Spirits Im- 
ports, 888-707-7789. Tennessee whiskey 
by Jack Daniel's Distillery. 615-340-1033. 
Tequila from Corbin and Associates Lid., 
800-837-8452. Hard ciders: Woodpecker, 
Hornsby's, Ace and Dry Blackthorne, at 


FASHION FORECAST 
Pages 122 and 123: Suit by Vestimenta, at 
Sami Dinar, 310-275-2957. Ties by Vesti- 
menta, at fine specialty stores. Shirt by Boss 
Hugo Boss, 610-992-1400. Suit by Calvin 
Klein, 212-292-9000. Shirt by Joop, at Bar- 
neys New York, 212-826-8900. Page 124: 
Wallet, shoulder bag, belt and keycase by 
Donna Karan, at select Neiman Marcus 
stores. Shirt by Donna Катап, at Allure, 
215-561-4242. Sunglasses by Nikon, 800- 
NIKON-US. Moccasins by J.P. Tod's, 800- 
457-8637. Pullover by Industria, at Wilkes 
Bachford, 415-086-4380. Field jacket by 
Salvatore Ferragamo, 212-759-7990. Sun- 
glasses by Ray-Ban by Bausch & Lomb, 800- 
472.9296. Datebook by Emporio Armani, at 
Emporio Armani stores. Fountain pen by 
Montblanc, 800-388-4810. Chronograph 
by Bulgari, 800-285-4274. Belt by Polo 
Jeans, 800-494-7656. Carry-on bag by 
Granello, at Neiman Marcus stores. Page 
125: Jacket and pants by Joop, at Barneys 
New York, 219-826-8900. Shirt by Gene 
Meyer, at Citizen Clothing, 415-558-9429 
or 415-575-3560. Glasses by Christian Roth 
for Optical Affairs and belt by Donna Karan, 
at Bergdorf Goodman Men, 212-753- 
7300. Pages 126 and 127: Field jacket by 
Katharine Hamnett Denim, at Saks Fifth Av- 
enue, NYC, 212-753-4000 and Beverly 
Hills, 310-275-4211. Tie by Vestimenta, at 
fine specialty stores. Shirt by Holland & 
Holland, 219-759-7755. Pants by Nicole 
Farhi, at Charivari, 212-333-4040. Suit by 
Boss Hugo Boss, 610-992-1400. Tie by 
Calvin Klein, at Saks Fifth Avenue, 212- 
753-4000. Shirt by Gene Meyer, at select. 
Saks Fifth Avenue stores. 


'ON THE SCENE 

Page 183: Ashtray, flask, wine pull, mon- 
ey clip and ID bracelet from the John 
Hardy Collection, 800-254-2739. Playboy 
cigars by Den Diego, at tobacco stores. 


NOME DESIGNS. ZAP 
RESORTS. POCONO 


es ove 
MOUNTAINS. PA P 111 MAN'S FASHION COURTESY CF REALTA CHICAGO, E 149 NEW TORK HISTORICAL SOCIETY. 


prosecution realized that its star witness 
was a blackmailer, a bigamist and, in all 
probability, a panderer. 

After two inconclusive trials, a third 
jury acquitted Arbuckle, asking that the 
following be entered into the record: 
“Acquittal is not enough for Roscoe Ar- 
buckle. We feel that a great injustice has 
been done him, for there was not the 
slightest proof adduced to connect him 
in any way with the commission of a 
crime.” 

The acquittal did not help. Arbuckle 
had already been convicted in the media 
and in the minds of the American pub- 
lic. The dream factory was caught in a 
nightmare. 

On February 1, 1922, in the middle of 
Arbuckle’s second trial, William Des- 
mond Taylor, a director for Paramount, 
was found dead in his bungalow, two 
bullets through his heart. The sur- 
rounding scandal tainted the careers of 
some of Hollywood’s most beloved ac- 
tresses. Mabel Normand was the last to 
see Taylor alive (he'd given her a volume 
of Freud to read). Mary Pickford had 
to explain why her picture was hung 
prominently in the bachelor’s apart- 
ment. Investigators found a scented love 
letter written by Mary Miles Minter in 
the director's bedroom. The murder was 
never solved, but, as in the Arbuckle 
case, the Hurry of rumors showed that 
demons loomed large in America’s sexu- 
al imagination. Taylor, it was said, dab- 
bled in witchcraft, adultery and sexual 
perversion. Forme: fiends daimed that 
in the months before his death, Taylor 
had “visited the queer places in Los An- 
geles, where guests are served with mar- 
ijuana and opium and morphine, where 
the drugs are wheeled in on tea carts 
and strange things happen.” 

The nation saw Hollywood as a mod- 
ern Sodom, capable of seducing and de- 
stroying American daughters. One mi 
ister, inspired by the Arbuckle trial, 
proclaimed it time to cleanse the country 
of “movies, dancing, jazz, cvolution, 
Jews and Catholics. 

In 1921, 37 state legislatures had in- 
troduced 100 separate censorship bills 
The General Federation of Women's 
Clubs reviewed 1765 films and decreed 
that 59 percent were “not morally 
worthwhile” and another 21 percent 
were simply “bad.” 


TH 


Е ARRIVAL OF WILL H 


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Hollywood studio heads hired Will 
Hays, postmaster general and former 
head of the Republican National Com- 
mittee, to head the Motion Picture Pro- 
ducers and Distributors of America. A 
darling of the purity movements, Hays 
knew which buttons to push. "Above all 
is our duty to youth," he announced 
within months of taking office. "We must 
have toward that sacred thing, the mind 
of a child, toward that clean and virgin 


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thing, that unmarked slate—we must 
have toward that the same responsibility, 
the same care about the impression 
made upon it, that the best teacher or 
the best clergyman, the most inspired 
teacher of youth, would have." 

Within days of Arbuckle's acquittal, 
Hays announced that the actor would 
not work in Hollywood again. 

Hays demanded that morals clauses 
be put into every contract; henceforth, 
actors “would conduct themselves with 
due regard to public conventions and 
morals and will not do anything tending 
to degrade him or her in society, or 
bring him or her into public hatred, con- 
tempt, scorn or ridicule, or tending to 
shock, insult or offend the community or 
outrage public morals or decency, or 
tending to prejudice the company or the 
motion picture industry.” Private detec- 
tives ferreted out 117 Hollywood names 
considered unsafe—be it because of 
drug use, roadhouse orgies, a taste for 
members of the same sex or too-flagrant 
affairs. The list was called “the doom 
book." 

One of the first victims was Wallace 
Reid, a dashing action hero with a drug 
habit. He was spirited away to a sanitari- 
um, where he eventually died. 

Hays also created a list of dos and 
don'ts for film. The members of the 
MPPDA struck a gentlemen's agreement 
to eliminate movies that dealt with sex in 
an "improper" manner, were based on 
white slavery, made vice attractive, ex- 
ited nakedness, had prolonged pas- 
sionate love scenes, were predominantly 
concerned with the underworld, made 
gambling and drunkenness attractive, 
might instruct the weak in methods of 
committing crime, ridiculed public 
officials, offended religious beliefs, em- 
phasized violence, portrayed vulgar pos- 
tures and gestures or used salacious sub- 
titles or advertising. 

The list of forbidden topics was to be 
further refined by Hays. There would 
be—among two dozen or so potentially 
morally offensive topics—no profanity, 
nolicentious or suggestive nudity (in fact 
or in silhouette), no inference of sexual 
perversion or white slavery, no scenes of 
actual childbirth, no mention of sex hy- 
giene or venereal disease, no display of 
children’s sex organs. Producers would 
be careful when dealing with the sale of 
women, rape or attempted rape, first- 
night scenes, men and women together 
in bed, deliberate seduction of girls and 
the use of drugs. 

Hollywood adapted to the new code 
with a simple formula: six reels of sin, 
one of condemnation. 'ectors such as 
Cecil B. De Mille became famous for 
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| 14 


all of the sins of the Old Testament by 
cloaking them in the plain blue wrapper 
of religion. 

"The Hays code held out a promise to 
America—if we can control the make-be- 
lieve, we can ignore the reality. It was, at 
first, pure posturing. Studio heads hung 
signs welcoming Hays to Hollywood. 
Charlie Chaplin, it is said, placed his 
over the bathroom door. 


THE LITTLE TRAMP. 


By the Twenties, Charlie Chaplin was 
the most recognized actor in the world. 
There were songs about the Little 
Tramp, Chaplin dolls—and а partner- 
ship in United Artists (a film company 
founded in 1919 by Chaplin, director 
D.W. Griffith, Douglas Fairbanks and 
Mary Pickford). 

When it came to his personal life, 
Chaplin was the most silent of the silent- 
film stars. 

Chaplin's autobiography deals with 
one of his marriages with a single para- 
graph: “During the filming of The Gold 
Rush in 1925 I married for the second 
time. Because we have two grown sons of 
whom I am very fond, I will not go into 
any details. For two years we were mar- 
ried and tried to make a go of it, but it 
was hopeless and ended in a great deal 
of bitterness.” 

“The woman, Lita Grey, was the origi- 
nal Lolita. She frst met Chaplin when 
she was seven. By the age of 15 she was 
working as an extra. When she discov- 
cred she was pregnant, Chaplin and 
Grey were married. Her mother came 
along to run the house. 

The divorce papers, widely circulated 


COCHRAN 


at the time, still make great reading. 

Lawyers alleged: 

* That Chaplin had “solicited, urged 
and demanded that plaintiff submit to, 
perform and commit such acts and 
things for the gratification of defen- 
dant’s said abnormal, unnatural, per- 
verted and degenerate sexual desires, 
as to be too revolting, indecent and 
immoral to set forth in detail in this 
complaint.” 

* That Chaplin's demands of sex acts 
were a “shock to her refined sensibilities, 
repulsive to her moral instincts and ab- 
horrent to her conception of moral and 
personal decency." 

* That Chaplin recounted "to her in 
detail his personal experience with five 
prominent moving-picture women in- 
volving such practices." 

e That Chaplin attempted to “under- 
mine and distort plaintiff's normal sexu- 
al impulses and desires, demoralize her 
standards of decency and degrade her 
conception of morals for the gratifica- 
tion of the defendant's aforesaid unnat- 
ural desires." 

The unnatural desire was for oral sex. 

The divorce papers claimed that 
Chaplin demanded his wife "commit the 
act of sex perversion defined by Section 
288a of the Penal Code of California. 
That defendant became enraged at 
plaintiff's refusal and said to her: ‘All 
married people do those kinds of things. 
You are my wife and you have to do what 
1 want you to do. I can get a divorce 
from you for refusing to do this." 

Rather than face the kind of public 
wrath that had ended Arbuckle's career, 
Chaplin settled the divorce for 


“As a matter of fact, I do come here often. I'm your waitress.” 


$625,000. His little Lolita split the mon- 
ey with her mother. 

Years later, Grey would write her own 
account of life with Chaplin, one far 
more earthy than the legalistic descrip- 
tion of the divorce papers. 

The loss of her virginity reads like a 
four-act play. The seduction took place 
in a hotel, at a beach, in the back of a lim- 
ousine. Finally, in a steam room, she sur- 
rendered her maidenhood: 

“The foglike mist billowed, grew 
thicker and thicker, finally filled every 
inch of the room. 1 couldn't see any- 
thing. The steam, gently caressing me, 
was making me drowsy, and I lay down 
on the marble slab and closed my eyes. 
Every picture and movie I'd ever seen of 
queens and princesses bathing in royal 
tubs, with slave girls drying them and 
anointing their bodies with perfumed 
oils, danced in front of me. I draped my 
arm over my forehead and crossed my 
ankles, wondering what was to happen 
next." What happened next was Charlie. 

“Then there was a sharp piercing pain 
inside me and I cried out, but I did not 
release my grip. The pain blinded me far 
more than the encircling steam, but I 
writhed wildly, as though in ecstasy, to let 
him know I belonged to him—and then 
I received all of him. I was supposed to 
be a woman now. I was 15. 

“1 felt I had surpassed Pola Negri and 
the other human sex symbols Charlie 
had known. And winning the contest ex- 
hilarated me.” 

The sad tale contains all of the ele- 
ments of sex in the Twenties. The law 
was used to force marriage. (Lita's mom 
pointed out that sex with a minor was a 
Jailable offense.) Law was used to lever- 
age a divorce. (Oral sex was a punish- 
able offense and sex appetite itself was 
grounds for a mental-cruelty charge.) 
Sex was considered to be a competition 
against other women. And even in Hol- 
Iywood, women came to sex with images 
from the silver screen swirling through 
their heads. 


PROSPERITY AND PASSION 


Thomas Edison may have been opti- 
mistic about America's love affair with 
speed, the quickness of action and its 
control. Control was definitely hard to 
find in the Jazz Age. Prosperity—the 
roar of the Twenties—offered the fantasy 
that anything was possible. 

Dan Caswell, scion of a wealthy Cleve- 
land family, boarded a train one day and 
saw J Reed, a Titian-haired star of 
the Ziegfeld Follies. He followed her to 
the hotel where Ziegfeld's chorus was 
staying. Marjorie Farnsworth, in her 
chronicle of the Follies, write: 
night Caswell called all the Follies beau- 
ties down to the lobby and with a gesture 
that he hoped reeked of sophisticati 
opened a chamois bag of diamonds that 
belonged to his mother—diamonds 
worth $30,000—and sprinkled them 


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over the marble floor. An instant later 
the floor was covered with scrambling 
girls, pulling, pushing and grabbing. It 
was at that moment that he asked the 
Titian-haired beauty to marry him, and, 
pausing only to remove a diamond from 
her mouth where she'd put it for safe- 
keeping, she softly murmured "Yes." 

The diamonds—the family jewels— 
were to have been made into a necklace 
for his bluc-blooded Boston fiancée. 

As for the Fitzgeralds, the couple used 
heaps of cash to “add polish to their life.” 
As Zelda would later explain, in a novel 
written within the walls of an asylum, “It 
costs more to ride on the tops of taxis 
than on the inside.” 

Once, when Scott told her they were 
broke, she answered, “Well, let's go to 
the movies." 


THE CRASH 


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ized every other aspect of the decade, 
the prosperity came to an abrupt end. 
Оп October 24, 1929 the stock market 
crashed. Polly Adler, madam of an exclu- 
sive brothel in New York, told the effect. 
of the crash on her customers: 


I had thought my business would 
fall off, but it was just the opposite— 
I had almost more customers than I 
could take care of. Men wanted to 
go outand forget their troubles, blot 
out, at least temporarily, those head- 
lines which each day told of more 
bankruptcies and suicides. The easi- 
est escape, of course, was alcohol, 
and in the months immediately af- 
ter the crash I had my biggest 
profits at the bar. Some men who 
had been terrific womanizers now 
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company of a certain girl and then 
proceeded to practice the most vile, 
cruel and inhuman acts until the 
girl was a physical wreck. The fol- 
lowing morning the man went to his 
office and shot himself. 


The party was over. What would follow 
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HOWARD STERN „ане 


“I talk about sex from a guy's point of view. I say Га 
like to have sex with a lot of broads. Гт being honest. 


» 


PLAYBOY 


broads. I'm just being honest. I say 
broads because it’s"—and here, oddly, 
he hesitates—"a highly descriptive word, 
and not because 1 hate women." 

Blum worked on the first draft for six 
months. It opens with Howard's famous 
Fartman appearance on MTV. The next 
day, Howard finds himself on an air- 
plane next to a beautiful woman played 
by Garol Alt. (“Her husband, the former 
New York Ranger Ron Greschner, is a 
fucking great guy. I want to believe that 
they suck in bed.”) Alt greets Fartman 
th no small amount of revulsion. To 
explain himself he launches into the sto- 
ry of his life. 

The filming, by all accounts, was a 
lovefest. (Mary McCormack on Howard: 
“He was sweet. He couldn't have been 
more giving.” Howard on Mary: “So ter- 
rific.” Executive producer Dan Goldberg 
on Howard: "A cool guy, a smart guy, not 
demanding, just cool." Howard on Bet- 
ty: "She was great." Betty on Howard: 
didn't expect a person who'd come in 
and shake my hand and be nervous and 
vulnerable and awkward but warm and 
focused on making me feel at home." 
Iloward on Len; “Genius.” Len on Ilow- 
ard: “He has given his life to being a 
comedic artist.”) 

‘There were questions about whether 
Stern could act. “The question wasn't 
whether I could do a radio scene,” says 
Stern, “but whether I could do an acting 
scene with my wife or with my general 
managers. Initially, the pace was way off 
for me. The first day, I was like, ‘C'mon, 
c'mon, c'mon. Just set up the cameras. 
Try to stay with me.’ I had no clue. I got 

a funk. Ivan sat me down, and said, 
Listen, you're fucking carrying a $25 

million picture. Now get your shit to- 
gether!’ It was intense. But the second 
day was better. By the third day, it start- 
ed to click. And eventually I said we 
should do a sequel, and Len said, ‘Ivan 
and I have discussed it, and here’s how 
we see и” 

Blum, for one, is a believer. He thinks 
there could be a whole series of Howard 
Stern movies, as distinctive in their style 
and approach as Marx Brothers movies. 

“Nothing would please me more than 
to do a series of Howard Stern movies,” 
says Stern. “I can see it. It would be 
tremendous to have a full career like 
that. It was just a bitch to be making a 
movie while doing the radio show.” 

Oh yeah, the radio show. The corner- 
stone of the empire, the rock on which 
he founded his church. Yet, when a guy 
is 43 years old and in possession of a 

164 good-sized pile, does he look down the 


road and see himself waking up at three 
AM. in order to rag on Baba Booey? 

“1 don't,” admits Stern firmly. “I don't 
want to do it now. When I was offered 
my five-year deal with Infinity Broad- 
casting, Alison and I had a heart-to- 
heart. I said, ‘Radio is something I al- 
ways wanted to do. But I hate getting up 
at three am, and I hate the daily pres- 
sure of having to come up with some- 
thing funny to say. It’s like being in 
school. But I've worked so long to get a 
payday, how can I walk away from this?” 
Of course she agreed. What does she 
care? She's home doing her rails." 

One thing Stern doesn't worry about 
is whether he can still produce an enter- 
taining show. "Maybe this is a character 
Нау,” he says, "but in my business it 
works: I am childlike. Intellectually, I'm 
a moron. I mean, I like Beverly Hills 
90210. 1 think it's the best thing on tele- 
vision. And I read comic books. Farting 
is still funny to me. The radio show is set 
up to be fresh always. It's about opening 
up the newspaper. Гуе always main- 
tained that this show could last for as 
long as I wanted it to last. But there will 
come a time when I say, ‘Hey, Гус done 
it long enough, I've proved everything 
there is to prove in radio. 

Even if Stern one day abandons radio 
for the movies, don't expect him to go 
Hollywood. “First,” he notes, "I can't 
stand to visit Los Angeles. The limo guy 
picks you up at the airport and he starts 
in—he's writing a script, he's pitching 
you. It's like a bunch of psychotics. 'They 
are all running around announcing 
what their next projects are going to be. 
Each woman is more beautiful than the 
next, and they all think they're ugly and 
they're all anorexic. It's a sick mentality. 

“1 find the Hollywood lifestyle—which 
I can get right here in New York—so 
apart from what the rest of America is 
like. You can see how someone becomes 
a total fucking asshole on these sets and 
starts ranting and raving just because 
the fucking hot comb isn't ready." 

Stern points to an item in the newspa- 
per about Brad Pitt. “Brad Pitt is whin- 
ing that his good looks are getting in the 
way of his getting serious acting roles. 
"That fuck! I'm writing a Twilight Zone 
episode where Brad Pitt gets my fucking 
face, and I get his, and you see who gets 
laid. If he had my face, I'd like to see him 
get an acting career." 

Stern is also bugged by Hollywood's 
reluctance to take risks. I see the same 
goddamn movie being made over and 
over,” he says. “Every black female is 
Whoopi Goldberg. I see a Whoopi Gold- 


berg movie announced—and I think 
Whoopi is a tremendous talent—and I 
don't even pay attention to it, because it 
seems like the last movie. 

“Moreover, I'm sick of the guys who 
have been around for 20 years who 
haven't done one damn new thing. I 
don't care if Billy Crystal is in a movie— 
Гуе seen it already. I've seen his entire 
repertoire. And Billy Crystal is also a 
tremendous talent. But are there no oth- 
er guys besides Billy Crystal? Robin 
Williams is brilliant, but there have to be 
other people. Sharon Stone—I should 
give a shit about another Sharon Stone 
movie? Demi Moore—who gives a fuck?” 
There is one actor, Jim Carrey, whom 
Stern likes. “I also love Jean-Claude Van 
Damme and Steven Seagal movies, which 
1 consider a flaw in my personality." 

It's the last day of shooting and you're 
sitting with Len Blum in a makeshift 
office at the Silvercup Studios in 
Queens. "In show business, there are 
types that last," Blum says. “There's Fat- 
ty Arbuckle, Jackie Gleason, John Can- 
dy—the fat man who's light on his feet. 
There's the whole series of blonde 
bombshells. But there's never been any- 
body like Howard." 

Maybe not exactly, but he may be an 
original in many of the same ways that 
Groucho Marx was an original. Both are 
New York, Jewish, witty, verbal, anarchic, 
sex-crazy, disdainful of the establish- 
ment. Think of proper, put-upon Mar- 
garet Dumont and you have an image of 
the bluenoses so outraged by Stern. 

“But Groucho was always Groucho,” 
says Blum. “He was Groucho even with 
his family. Howard's not Howard with 
his family. He has this normal life." 

"You talk to my wife—it's not so nor- 
mal," says Stern several weeks later. 
“Everything we talk about ends up on 
the radio. She says, ‘It's not fair to me, 
some things should be private.’ I say, ‘I 
don't have that ability. I could promise 
you right now I won't talk about things 
on the radio, but I know I'd be lying. 
The material is too good.’” 

A subtle transformation occurs. The 
outgoing, entertaining Stern has gone 
for a walk. The Stern taking his place is 
serious. "It's not so normal,” he says. 
“Especially when you see how wonderful 
she's been to me. You have to wonder 
what I could be thinking when I say 
some things. And I don't know what I 
was thinking. There's a compulsion, as 
soon as [ hear myself say, ‘Don't talk 
about it,’ to think, Wait, this is exactly 
what everyone wants to hear about. And 
maybe it’s an insecurity on my part, be- 
cause maybe I want my career to be so 
successful that I'm placing it over some- 
one else's emotions. That's not healthy. 
That's a sick fucking thing. I recognize 
it, but I can't stop doing it because then 
the show would suck. 

"In the movie, the issue is resolved be- 
cause she accepts it. Some women will 


TASTE. 
QUALITY. 


SWISHER 
SWEETS 


20 FILTERED 


LITTLE CIGARS BY 87 
KING EDWARD t 


2 derart 
AND, IT'S: NOT. A CIG 


PLAYBOY 


166 


say she's a sap. Some will understand 
when she says, ‘Look, the guy at home is 
the guy I love. Im not married to the 
guy on the radio, and I guess I have to 
deal with it.” 

"I can tell you it's nota settled issue in 
Alison's mind. Just yesterday we were ar- 
guing. I said, “I can't believe this, this 
sounds like the movie.’ She said, “Fuck 
the movie. We're having a real argu- 
ment.' She was extremely pissed off at 
me, because I was on the air criticizing 
how she dresses. I was also saying her 
friends don't dress well. And she was 
driving in her car crying. She said, ‘I'm 
sick of being criticized by you in front of 
everybody" I said, ‘Alison, I didn't mean 
any of that.’ But maybe I did mean it. 
She's not buying it. My wife's not stu- 
pid—the woman graduated from Co- 
lumbia. She has a master's, if that's a sign 
of bright. She's an intelligent woman, 


and she was saying, "You're a great guy 
and everything, but I don't understand 
why 1 have to be ridiculed.’ I said, ‘Ali- 
son, we've had this discussion so many 
times, and I don't think there's a resolu- 
tion.’ That's a real prick thing to say, that 
it's up to her to resolve it. Then РИ catch 
myself saying, "What am I doing? Here's 
a woman who actually loves me. How 
many people with any degree of fame 
have that in their lives? How can I be 
such a scumbag?’ And I go and apolo- 
gize. But I know it will happen again. 

“We actually have a very good mar- 
riage. We talk openly and honestly about 
stuff. There's just this one character flaw, 
this radio show persona that I have. 

"I wonder sometimes—which is the 
real guy? I think the guy on the air is the 
real guy. I feel most at home when I'm 
behind that microphone, when I'm able 
to say what's on my mind. In our real 


“. . . And nou, which officer gets to spring the trap? The 
envelope, please." 


lives, we have to act all the time. We have 
to say things to our wives to calm them 
down, we have to say things to our kids 
that aren't exactly truthful. I can't walk 
into a room and say, "Hey, you fucking 
idiot!’ Fd get killed. But that's what I'm 
actually thinking. 1 think the guy off the 
air is the one who's frustrated, and he's 
the one who's playacting all the time." 
. 


Although there was still considerable 
work to do after filming was complet- 
ed—looping, writing little bits of stuff to 
connect edited bits, figuring out the 
soundtrack—Stern went home from the 
wrap party and fell into a kind of a post- 
partum depression. 

“Part of it was, ‘Could I have done 
something better?” he says. “But mostly 
it was that this thing is suddenly over. 
You've just seen your whole life go be- 
fore your eyes. I never spent time think- 
ing about it before. But one day we went 
to this tiny radio station in the suburbs. 
It was the first place 1 worked, and it was 
the only actual location we used in the 
movie. We got there, and it was ten times 
smaller than I remembered." 

"The studio was in a bedroom on the 
second floor of a small house. Tt had a lit- 
tle window in it. *I was making $96 a 
week," he says, "at a time when most of 
my friends were making $12,000 a year. 
1 would have died to make $12,000 a 
year. ] remember being in this booth, 
and I would look out at the trees, and 
think, Рат the world's shittiest disc jock- 
ey, Lam such а failure. 

“When we were finished shooting, I 
went around behind the house. I looked 
up at the window, and I swear I could 
see me staring back out. I thought. Oh 
my God, how lucky 1 am that I got out of 
there! I thought, You're incredibly lucky, 
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zero minus ten soni son page 128) 


She was blindfolded, and her hands were tied behind. 
her back. Bond's heart jumped into his throat. 


sticks." The ceremony was over. The en- 
tire rite had taken a little over two hours. 
"The recruits joined the ranks of the oth- 
er members as Li Xu Nan. the Dragon 
Head, stood and addressed the society. 

“We will gather again in three days to 
perform the final phase of the initiation 
ceremony—in which your faces shall be 
cleansed. We welcome our new brothers 
to the Dragon Wing. We have one more 
piece of business to conduct tonight. 
One of our Blue Lanterns has broken 
her oaths. We must decide her fate." He 
turned to the Vanguard. “Bring out the 
traitor.” 

The Vanguard motioned toward a 
door. Two officials brought out a girl. 
She was blindfolded, and her hands 
were tied behind her back. 

Bond’s heart jumped into his throat. 
It was Sunni! 

“Our sister here has betrayed the soci- 
ety, not only to a stranger but to a gueilo. 
She has sought refuge with the enemy. 
She has sought to leave the fraternity. 
What must we do with her?” 

The group shouted, “She must die!” 

Li stood for a moment in silence. He 
walked around Sunni, who was now on 


THANKFULLY, х sm W nor 
AANE YOU AND THE 29 
KIDS FOR SUPPORT. 


AUN 
(0 


Vi 


her knees. He inspected her as if he were 
evaluating prized livestock. 

“I agree with my younger brothers,” 
he said, “but we shall wait. The traitor 
may be useful in an enterprise valuable 
to the society. For the time being, she will 
be kept in isolation.” He nodded to the 
two guards, who pulled the girl up and 
led her out of the room. 

Li Xu Nan and Scarface stood side 
by side in front of the Triad and offered 
the hand signs for their ranks. Scarface 
said a final prayer and dismissed the 
group. The members left silently and, 
after a few minutes, Li, Scarface and 
the Vanguard were alone. They took off 
their robes. 

Scarface took a metal briefcase from 
behind the altar and handed it to the 
Vanguard, who was also the Chan So, or 
treasurer, of the organization. 

Li said, “This month's earnings. Make 
sure they are properly distributed. The 
families of our brothers who were killed 
at the girl's residence must receive spe- 
cial consideration.” 

The Vanguard bowed. “Yes, Cho 
Kun.” He took the case and left. Scarface 
extinguished the rest of the lights and 


6 Türe 


AGAIN? DOESN'T THAT MAKE 
Y, THREE LAYOFFS IN JUST 
FIVE YEARS? 


THe FAMILY AND + HAVE. 
BEEN TALKING AND WE'VE 
DECIDED TO DOWNSIZE... 


walked out of the Lodge with Li 
Bond waited a full ten minutes be- 
fore moving. He had to find Sunni. He 
crawled forward so that he was directly 
above where the altar had been. There 
he found a loose board through which 
he could drop. He pulled it up, then 
jumped down to the floor below. He 
moved toward the door and stepped 
through it. 
He was met by myriads of swords, all 
pointing at his chest. 
e 


The speed with which Bond was dis- 
armed was startling. He felt as if he were 
moving in slow motion and that every 
thing else was happening too fast. The 
Triads marched him to an adjacent office 
building that was obviously still in use. 
He was taken upstairs, down a hall and 
up another flight of stairs. They passed 
open offices containing expensive black 
and white leather furniture. 

He was finally led into a large, plush 
office and left alone. It was decorat- 
ed like the other rooms but with a dis- 
tinctive Chinese flavor. Along with the 
modern furniture, there was a bamboo 
screen against one wall, painted brightly 
with a scene of Chinese fishermen snar- 
ing a dragon. A small Buddhist altar was 
ina corner, with an idol of the god Kwan 
Ti, or Mo, on it. Bond recalled that Mo 
was the god of policemen and the fa- 
vored deity of the underworld. Nothing 


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else suggested that the office belonged to 
the Dragon Head of a Triad. It must 
have been Li Xu Nan's legitimate office. 

Before Bond could sit down, Li en- 
tered the room and shut the door be- 
hind him. They were alone. 

“Ме meet again, Mr. Bond," Li said їп 
Cantonese. “Гат sorry it is under unfor- 
tunate circumstances." 

“You can't hold me, Mr. Li,” Bond 
said. *I'm a British citizen. My newspa- 
per will be trying to find me." 

“Oh, dispense with the crap, Mr. 
Bond,” he said. “You are no journalist. I 
know who you are.” 

“I work for the Daily Gleaner" 

“Please, Mr. Bond! I am no fool!” Li 
walked to his large oak desk and took a 
cigarette from a gunmetal case not un- 
like Bond's own. He lit it without offer- 
ing one to his captive. “You are James 
Bond, an agent with the British Secret 
Service. It was not difficult to ascertain 
this. Let me make this perfectly clear, 
Mr. Bond. You are a gueilo. We don't like 
you. You are not welcome here. Our cer- 
monies are sacred and secret. You are 
a dead man, Mr. Bond. If I had not 
stopped them, my brothers would have 
killed you.” 

“Why did you stop them, then?” 

Li paused a moment, walked to a cup- 
board and removed a couple of glasses. 
“Drink, Mr Bond?” 

He wanted to refuse, but a drink 


would actually do him good. “Bourbon, 
straight.” 

Li filled the glasses and handed one to 
Bond. “Do you remember the other day 
when you interviewed me? I told you 
that you were in my debt.” 

“I remember 

“The time has come for you to repay 
the debt.” 

“Why should [?” 

“Hear me out, Mr. Bond. You have no 
choice.” 

Bond settled onto the couch. “All 
right, Li, I'll listen." 

“Now we come to the task I must ask 
you to do, Mr. Bond,” Li said. “If you 
perform this task successfully, I will re- 
lease you from your debt and spare your 
life.” 

“1 don't know what you want me to 
do, Li," Bond said, "but I don't work for 
criminals." 

Li nodded. "Why don't you hear me 
out first?" 

Bond sighed. "What is it you want?" 

“I want you to go to Guangzhou and 
pay a visit to General Wong.” 

"And then what?" 

"Steal a document. Wong keeps it in a 
safe in his office. Bring it back to me. If 
you have to eliminate the general in the 
process. . . .” Li shrugged his shoulders. 

Bond laughed. “You must be joking, 
Li! How do you think a gueilo like me 
could get anywhere near this general, 


much less break into his bloody safe?" 

“Hear me out, Mr. Bond. I have a 
plan." Bond gestured for Li to continue, 
but he knew the very thought was ab- 
surd. "You are skeptical, Mr. Bond, I see 
that, but listen to me. We have learned 
that a new lawyer from London will be 
arriving in Hong Kong later this morn- 
ing. He has an appointment in Guang- 
zhou tomorrow with General Wong. 1 
propose that you go to Guangzhou in his 
place. My organization has contacts at 
the airport. We can do a switch before 
the man enters immigration. You will be 
hand-delivered to General Wong by ex- 
ecutives of Eurasia Enterprises. You will 
meet with him privately. He will most 
certainly show you the document. You 
will have the perfect, and probably the 
only, chance to get it. Then my brothers 
will help you get out of Guangzhou and 
back to Hong Kong.” 

“Not on your life, Li.” 

"I'm afraid you'll have to die, then.” 

"I've heard worse threats.” 

Li said, “Very well, I will offer you an- 
other incentive—the life of that girl, the 
traitor. She can leave with you, and I will 
call off the death warrant on her head." 

Bond closed his eyes. The man had 
played the trump card. 

(To be continued in the May 1997 issue.) 


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(continued from page 138) 
touched to be reexamined. “Fred,” a su- 
pervisor counseled him, "you may be 
right about Rudolph, but if you pur- 
sue this matter you will destroy your- 
self, your career and your family. Is it 
worth it?” 
. 


Other targets soon came into White- 
hurst's sights. One was David Williams, a 
senior FBI agent; the other was Roger 
Martz, chief of the lab's chemistry and 
toxicology unit. 

On the night of February 23, 1993, 
when Whitehurst arrived on the scene of 
the World Trade Center bombing, Wil- 
liams was already struggling to gain 
command of the garage where the bomb 
had been detonated. The NYPD, the 
Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Fire- 
arms and the FBI were all jockeying for 
control of the evidence, which would be 
culled from 40 tons of rubble. At one 
point an outraged FBI agent even dis- 
covered an ATF technician ripping FBI 
labels off packets of evidence and stick- 
ing on her own bureau's labels. 

Williams’ performance at the crime 
scene was clumsy and sporadic, White- 
hurst believed, but this was nothing 
compared with Martz’ lab work, which 
Whitehurst claimed would lead investi- 
gators down a blind alley. 

Whitehurst’s objections focused on a 
piece of tire from the garage that looked 
as if it had smoky traces of the explosion 
on it. Agents in New Jersey, meanwhile, 
had raided a suspect's storage locker and 
confiscated chemicals that might have 
been used in making bombs. 

Whitehurst noted that Martz had re- 
ported a strong presence of urea and ni- 
trates—elements commonly found in 
bombs—on the tire fragment and on 
swabs taken from the New Jerscy storage 
locker. To laymen—such as FBI strect 
agents, prosecutors and judges—that 
may be enough of a match for an arrest 
warrant. To Whitehurst, it meant noth- 
ing. A public garage could be contami- 
nated by urine and road salt, both of 
which contain urea. As for nitrates, 
everyone's hands are covered with them; 
зо are walls, windows and furniture in a 
typical office. So Whitehurst lodged a 
protest—but Martz refused to budge. As 
a result, Whitehurst enlisted a lab col- 
league in an exercise: One of them uri- 
nated into a beaker, evaporated the li 
uid, then tested the dried residue with a 
mass spectrometer (the same type of 
equipment Martz used to analyze the al- 
leged bomb materials from the garage). 
The readout: urea and nitrates. 

Whitehurst and the colleague present- 
ed their findings to an assistant section 
chief. Martz backed off from his claim, 
allowing that he may have accidentally 
contaminated the test material with urea 


from his perspiring hands. 
Martz rcfused to discuss the incident 
for this article. 


Whitehurst eventually made Martz— 
like Rudolph before him—the focus of 
his zeal. He began researching other cas- 
єз Martz had been involved in. 

One was the conviction of Walter 
Leroy Moody Jr. for the 1989 mail- 
bombing murder of federal judge 
Robert Vance in Alabama. Martz, along. 
with senior bomb analyst Tom Thur- 
man, supplied critical testimony in 
Moody's trial concerning bomb residue 
found in Judge Vance's kitchen. The 
men testified that the substance was 
known as Hercules Red Dot double-base 
smokeless powder—the same powder 
used in other bombings for which 
Moody had been convicted. 

Whitehurst rescarched the case and 
was floored. “I don't know where they 
made that up from,” he claimed in a let- 
ter to the FBI's inspector general, one in 
a growing file in the inspector's office 
“The work of the FBI laboratory in no 
way, shape or form ‘identified’ that pow- 
der as Hercules Red Dot smokeless pow- 
d Worse, Whitehurst was convinced 
that ncither Martz, who holds a B.S. in 
biology from the University of Cincin- 
nati, nor Thurman was qualified to dis- 
cuss the composition of chemicals. “Mr. 
Thurman has very little, if any, idea what 
makes an explosive function,” White- 
hurst argued in a memo. “He has spent 
his time in the field as an explosives ord- 
nance technician. He is simply a man 
who blows up explosives. 

“Mr. Thurman trained to be a techni- 
cian in the U.S. Naval Explosive Ord- 
nance Disposal School. He did not train 
to be a scientist.” ("As much as I'd like to 
get my two cents’ worth in,” Thurman 
responded when reached at his FBI 
office, “I can't.) 

In the end, Whitehurst claimed that 
Moody *may have been guilty as hell, 
but he didn't get a fair trial." 


Whitehurst was closely following de- 
velopments in an alleged plot by Iraqi 
agents to assassinate George Bush dur- 
ing the former president's postwar trip 
to Kuwait in April 1993. An unexploded 
bomb had been discovered in a car near 
the former president’s. Whitehurst had 
been assigned to the case and was com- 
paring material retrieved from the un- 
detonated bomb with bomb material the 
CIA traced to Iraq. 

He couldn't find a definitive match. 
“At this time that link cannot be made,” 
Whitehurst wrote in his internal report. 
"This laboratory therefore has no infor- 
mation to support the hypothesis that 
Iraqi agents were involved with the as- 
sassination attempt." 

Whitehurst was understandably taken 


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172 


aback a few days later when he heard 
President Clinton say there was Iraqi in- 
volvement in the plot. Clinton then 
launched 23 Tomahawk missiles at 
Baghdad. When then-U.N. Ambassador 
Madeleine Albright made the adminis- 
tration’s case to the United Nations, she 
spoke of extensive FBI reports. 

Whitehurst was furious. “The truth of 
the matter,” he wrote to the inspector 
general, “is that Unit Chief Chris Ronay 
or someone reworded and/or purposely 
misinterpreted my report, despite my 
strong statements disavowing a relation- 
ship between the explosives used in the 
past by Iraqi agents and those used in 
the Bush assassination attempt.” 

Ronay, now retired, says Whitehurst 
missed the bigger picture: “There were 
more important things than the explo- 
sives—other technologies—involved in 
this,” he says. “A lot of the other intelli- 
gence doesn't even take into account the 
explosives analysis. If Whitehurst thinks 
that there was no justification for finding. 
the Iraqis guilty, he's wrong." 

Ronay won't say what the "more im- 
portant things" were. The Kuwaitis 
charged six men in the plot. Two were 
sentenced to be executed and four were 
jailed for life. 


"Im working on the biggest FBI in- 
vestigation ever—the investigation of the 
FBI laboratory,” Fred Whitehurst told a 


friend one day. It was false bravado. The 
fact was, the FBI was taking him down, 
piece by psychological piece. 

It started after the Psinakis incident, 
when the bureau sent Whitehurst to a fa- 
cility in Charlottesville, Virginia for Viet- 
nam veterans suffering from post-trau- 
matic stress disorder. ‘The place was a 
flea-infested dump, Whitehurst later 
complained to a lawyer in the FBI's gen- 
eral counsel's office. Some vets were 
even dealing, he said, and therapy 
amounted to daylong, zonked-out cry- 
ing jags. 

“1 can assure you,” he wrote to the at- 
torney, “that even today I can cry about 
my experiences in Vietnam. The taste of 
the horror of war will never leave my 
mouth. But 1 function just fine. My 
record proves it. The problem is not 
what can I do about Vietnam, but how 
can we continue to ignore the corrup- 
tion in the FBI?” 

After the Charlottesville experience, 
the FBI ordered Whitehurst to get a psy- 
chological evaluation. He saw four ther- 
apists, all of whom agreed he suffered 
from stress. However, one of them, while 
noting Whitehurst's frayed nerves, re- 
ported in November 1993: "He does not 
show, in my opinion, a full-blown post- 
traumatic stress disorder." More than 
passingly familiar with the agents work 
situation, the psychologist added: 

“It is important to note that Mr. 
Whitehurst's primary allegiance is to the 


"This is a hell of a way to treat a visitor to your planet.” 


truth, and, as such, he may not al- 
ways appear to be working in agreeable 
fashion with prosecutors or even his 
colleagues. "This, of course, does not 
make him oppositional,” the psycholo- 
gist concluded. “Rather, it simply means 
is doing his job.” 

Still, 17 months later, when a huge 
blast tore off the front of the Alfred P. 
Murrah Federal Building in Oklahoma 
City, the bomb expert remained 
benched, relegated to his bare cubby- 
hole in the FBI’s Washington office, 
studying photocopier ink and paint 
swatches. With a mixture of envy, disgust 
and curiosity, he again watched his col- 
leagues spin into action. 

As Whitehurst would learn, one piece 
of evidence in the Oklahoma City bomb- 
ing case was a knife that police allegedly 
confiscated from suspect Timothy 
McVeigh. Martz had supposedly exam- 
ined the blade and found traces of 
PETN, a chemical commonly found in 
bombs. He wrote up his report. Then 
another lab examiner, Steve Burmeister, 
conducted his own tests. 

Burmeister found traces of nitroglyc- 
erin, but no PETN. As he often did, he 
discussed his findings with Whitehurst 
and the two men conduded it was im- 
possible to determine if the knife had ar- 
rived with PETN or nitroglycerin on it, 
or if these substances had been picked 
up from other materials in the FBI lab. 
The contamination problem had long 
been a crusade of Whitehurst's. 

“We have no idea what Martz could 
have done wrong with the evidence,” 
Whitehurst reported in an April 27, 
1995 memo, this one sent to the Justice 
Department's inspector general, the FBI 
general counsel's office and the FBI's 
Office of Professional Responsibility. 

“Did Martz lean on a table possibly 
contaminated with PETN residue,” 
Whitehurst speculated, “and then trans- 
fer the residue to McVeigh's shirt, or to 
Martz’ collection of lab glassware? Did 
he use any piece of possibly contaminat- 
ed equipment? We will never know.” 

Whitehurst also claimed Martz was 
“now looking like crazy for ammonium 
trate because someone said the bomb 
was made of ammonium nitrate. He's 
trying to prove guilt. He's not following 
the üme-honored profession of looking 
for the answer. Martz doesn't know any- 
thing about explosives." 

Whitehurst then made a prediction: 
"When this comes to light in the trial of 
the fellow McVeigh, it will be extremely 
problematical for the prosecutor." 

McVeigh’s attorney, Steve Jones, de- 
posed Whitehurst on behalf of his dient. 
“Based on information Whitehurst stat- 
ed under oath in his deposition, I an- 
ticipate that a subpoena will be issued 
for him to testify for the defense in 
Mr. McVeigh's trial,” Jones told PLAYBOY, 
predicting that at least two other lab 
employees would back up Whitehurst's 


criticisms. "We will make a frontal as- 
sault" on the FBI bomb lab, Jones de- 
clared. Indeed, prosecutors in the case 
indicated to reporters that they wouldn't 
call Roger Martz or David Williams to 
the witness stand. "But I can call them," 
Jones was quick to add. 

As preparations for the Oklahoma 
bombing trials accelerated, unflattering 
stories about Whitehurst showed up in 
the press. “There is fear that Whitehurst 
is driven in part by a craving for dan- 
ger,” said an article in Time magazine last 
November that also called him a “rogue 
agent." Meanwhile, the FBI had opened 
an investigation of Whitehurst, charging 
that the agent had leaked classified in- 
formation to Congress, as well as for this 
PLAYBOY article, 

Furthermore, Whitehurst was denied 
access to some of his personnel files. In 
documents filed in court, he described 
his pursuit of his records from office to 
office, commenting: "There was no sign- 
out sheet to indicate where the records 
were." He was also told he had no au- 
thority to know who had those records, 
or to have access to them himself. 

By 1996 Whitehurst had his own 
lawyer and sued the FBI for violation of 
the Freedom of Information and Privacy 
acts. He accused the bureau of “harass- 
ment and intimidation” in retaliation for 
his whistle-blowing. He demanded his 
bomb-unit job back and a cessation of all 
investigations of him. Because the FBI 
prohibited Whitehurst from discussing 
classified matters—virtually his entire 
case—with his attorney without first 
telling his supervisors what he planned 
to talk about, Whitehurst filed an 
amended complaint, alleging, among 
other things, a violation of his right to 
full and private legal representation. At 
that point, according to Whitehurst's at- 
torney, the bureau moved to fire him 
outright. 

Frederic Whitehurst remains remark- 
ably confident when he speaks of his cur- 
rent troubles. 

“You know,” he says, “what we need to 
do is just go on about our job. If people 
need to go to jail, that’s not my problem 
Our job is law enforcement, it’s not beat- 
ing the shit out of one another.” 

Which doesn’t mean Fred Whitehurst 
has gone soft. “If you find out there's 
some criminal activity going on within 
my Department of Justice and you re- 
port it to me, then I will go forward and 
report it—that's my job. And 1 work a 
case like you wouldn't believe.” 

On January 24, 1997 the FBI placed 
Frederic Whitehurst on administrative 
leave as an “interim” step pending fur- 
ther invesügation. The agency confis- 
cated Whitehurst's badge and gun and 
barred him from entering any FBI 
building. The case is far from finished. 


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Kentucky bourbon. 


At our little distillery in the "Tennessee hills, we 
burn rícks of hard maple until they become 
charcoal. 'Then we tríckle our whiskey, drop by 
drop, through that charcoal to mellow its 
flavor. Some folks call Jack Daniel's 

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PLAYBOY 


174 


VINCENT BUGLIOSI.| rom page 2) 


Even if marijuana eliminated no pain at all but had 
a placebo effect, who gives a damn? 


adult who uses drugs is aware of the 
danger and doesn't care. We can't arrest 
our way out of this problem. There is no 
way we can stop this nation's appetite for 
drugs, and there's no way we can stop 
drugs from being brought into this 
country. The entire armed forces of this 
country could not interdict cocaine com- 
ing into the U.S. What's the real source? 
It's the minds of the people on top. The 
coca fields don't have feet of their own, 
the laboratories don’t have hands of 
their own. There are people at the top 
of the pyramid, such as the Medellin and 
Cali cartels, which are responsible for 
about 85 percent of the cocaine coming 
into this country. If these people decide 
they don't want to do it anymore, it's not 
going to happen anymore. Now, how do 
we get them to decide they don't want to 
do it? 

PLAYBOY: Good question. 

BUGLIOSE Send cxpeditionary forces, 


maybe 2000 DEA or FBI agents, down 
to Colombia, grab these people by the 
scruffs of their necks and bring them 
back here where they can be tried in a 
separate court system and be given the 
death penalty. Once one of these drug 
leaders is executed and his successor 
reads about it, the drugs are not going 
to come here. They're going to go to 
Europe. 

PLAYBOY: You make it sound simple, but 
the drug lords run empires. They have 
billions of dollars. They surely could mo- 
bilize resistance. They could сусп send 
assassins to our country to eliminate 
leaders or drop bombs on Wall Street. 
BUGLIOSI: That’s just far-fetched. They 
are not going to take on the U.S. by start- 
ing to assassinate our people. How do 
they possibly think they could survive? 
These people don’t have a nation behind 
them. They don’t have a flect of ships 
and airplanes. We're talking about gang- 


‘A near-bankruptey forces a man to redefine 
his values, Ms. Wallace. Рт going to dump my expensive mistress 
and commence an in-house affair.” 


sters who are on the run, like Pablo Es- 
cobar running from опе place to anoth- 
er in his underwear. They're small-time 
next to a nation. 

PLAYBOY: A nation or an army wasn't 
needed to blow up the federal building 
in Oklahoma or to bomb the World 
"Irade Center in New York. 

BUGLIOSI: I guess we shouldn't go after 
any country then, under that argument. 
But they're not going to do that. They 
want to live. They're not stupid people. 
These people are rational businesspeo- 
ple. We have the power to stop them and 
solve the problem within six months, if 
we have the spine to do it. 

PLAYBOY: You acknowledge that some of 
your proposals to end money launder- 
ing would infringe on personal liberties, 
but would be necessary because of the 
severity of the problem. Aren't you 
crossing a line here? 

BUGLIOSI: This is an immense problem. 
Our children are dying, the war on 
drugs has been going on for 70 years, it 
has infected the very fiber of this coun- 
try. Are you telling me that you'd rather 
have the problem? I know you're play- 
ing devil's advocate, but what you're say- 
ing is, "Let's not do it because there's 
a problem." 105 like the Los Angeles 
County prosecutor's office in the Simp- 
son case: There's a little problem—let’s 
lie down and play dead. 

PLAYBOY: Wouldn't it be a lot casicr just to 
legalize drugs and deal with them the 
same way we do alcohol and firearms? 
BUGLIOSI: I don't view legalization as a 
solution to the drug problem. 1 view it as 
a solution to drug-related problems. The 
courts would be cleaned up overnight. 
You would have 25 times fewer robberies 
and burglaries. It would substantially re- 
duce violence. On balance it seems that 
legalization would have more benefits 
than the present prohibition. However, 
using drugs is bad, and if you legalize, 
chances arc use would go up. 

PLAYBOY: What do you think about thc 
Clinton administration's decision to go 
after doctors in С: 
who prescribe marijuana for patients? 
BUGLIOSI: Marijuana use is not cven a 
true crime. It's not inherently wrong. If 
you didn't have a statute to prohil 
one would think it would be wrong to 
smoke a marijuana cigarette. Here you 
have the people of a state saying it's law- 
ful ina limited situation, where someone 
is on his or her deathbed and we're try- 
ing to alleviate some of the pain—even if 
marijuana climinated no pain at all but 
had a placebo сНесь who gives a damn? 
‘These people are dying. We give them 
morphine, which comes from the opium 
poppy. And you have the ridiculous, 
hypocritical Clinton administration— 
and Clinton is better than the Re- 
publicans—fighting this. The Republi- 
cans—who I thought were all in favor of 
states’ rights—are happy about this. I'm 
disappointed in President Clinton. It's 


inexcusable for him to say we're going to 
treat these doctors like criminals. 
PLAYBOY: Have you ever tried drugs? 
Smoked a joint? 

BUGLIOSI: No. I've never even smoked a 
cigarette. 

PLAYBOY: Where would you place your- 
self on the political spectrum? 

BUGLIOSI: I'm kind of a moderate. I’m 
not a conservative and I'm not a law- 
and-order fanatic. I’m suspicious of peo- 
ple who wear their patriotism on their 
sleeves. It's usually better left inside. 
PLAYBOY: Back in 1972 you decided to 
run for district attorney of Los Angeles 
County. Why? 

BUGLIOSI: ГИ tell you how it happened. 
Joe Busch, my boss, had a pretty serious 
drinking problem and was not running 
the office well. I had no interest in poli- 
tics. I used to teach one night a week at 
the Beverly School of Law, and one of 
my students asked why I didn't run for 
Р.А. Little by little he talked me into it. 
My state of mind was that I was running 
to be the head of a law office. I'd increase 
the conviction rate, Га have a training 
program, Ralph Nader was supporting 
me. Well, it turns out that the D.A.'s 
office is a political office, you have to 
raise money, get endorsements. I didn't 
know anything about this stuff. 

PLAYBOY: Bill Boyarsky in the Los Angeles 
Times called it the most vicious campaign 
he had ever covered. What made it so 
vicious? 

BUGLIOSI: I was going to start investigat- 
ing corruption in Г.А. I was naive and 
stupid, talking about going after people 
who were polluting the air and those 
who were defrauding the consumer, in- 
stead of lying low and getting into office 
and then getting into it. I started talking 
about what I was going to do and they 
ganged up on me. It was the entire es- 
tablishment of Los Angeles County. The 
newspapers ganged up on me, the cor- 
porations, even the union leaders. On 
my side, I had several police depart- 
ments supporting me, I had college stu- 
dents, rank-and-file union people. Joe 
won and 1 left the office after that. 
PLAYBOY: Why did you decide to run for 
attorney general two years later? 
BUGLIOSI: Why do you want to get into 
all this stuff? I don’t want to get into all 
this political mess. 

PLAYBOY: Had you won, might you have 
tried for governor? President? 

BUGLIOS!: No, I don't care for politics. I 
can't tell you the number of people who 
have come to me and said, “Run for 
county supervisor or mayor." I have no 
interest at all. Governor doesn't appeal 
to me. President is a turnoff. 

PLAYBOY: What's your take on our cur- 
rent president? 

BUGLIOSI: Clinton has been a pretty 
good, effective president. And he's prob- 
ably one of the brightest men we've ever 
had in the Oval Office. I don't view him 
asastrong leader, however, and his cred- 


ibility could definitely be better. He's as 
elusive as mercury. 

PLAYBOY. Do you think that Paula Jones 
should be allowed to press her sexual ha- 
rassment suit against the president while 
he’s in office? 

BUGLIOSI: The most prominent paper in 
the country is The New York Times, and its 
editorial board is at the top of the pinna- 
de. Several months ago it said, unbeliev- 
ably, that the Paula Jones thing should 
go to trial now, that Clinton isn't above 
the law. Here you have the most power- 
ful, most important and busiest man on 
the face of this earth, and you have this 
incredibly silly lawsuit filed a couple оЁ 
days before the statute of limitations 
would have run out, and the editorial 
board of the Times spouts the platitude 
that no one is above the law. Well, of 
course, you goddamn simpleminded 
bunch of idiots, no one is saying that 
Clinton is above the law. However, you 
do treat certain people differently under 
the law. You treat him differently while 
he's president. You have the will of mil- 
lions of people under a democratic 
process who want this man to guide and 
shepherd the destiny of this country for 
the next four years. You're going to let 
someone like Jones come in with a civil 
lawsuit and potentially tie up the office 
of the presidency? It could go on for a 
month! These simpletons at the Times 
apparently don't know the difference be- 
tween treating someone differently and 
being above the law. We treat diplomats, 
minors, elderly people differently under 
the law. We give many people immunity 
from prosecution, even though they're 
guilty as sin, so we can go after other 
people. Yet the Times comes out with this 
stupid, ignorant, simplistic analysis say- 
ing Clinton is not above the law. The 
precedent—that a civil lawsuit can tie up 
the presidency—is mind-boggling! What 
you do in a case like this is you postpone 
it until his presidency is over. We contin- 
ually balance interests in our society. 
Paula Jones’ rights as an individual have 
to yield to the rights of millions of people 
who elected the president. She could 
wait three years before filing her lawsuit, 
but now that Clinton is president she 
can’t wait a day longer to go to trial. 
PLAYBOY: President Kennedy’s death cre- 
ated a flourishing book industry. How 
far along are you on your book about his 
assassination? 

Maybe two thirds of the way. 
It's getting into two volumes, which may 
affect its marketability. There's a book 
out just about every week and they're all 
focused on conspiracy, and my view is 
that Oswald acted alone. 

PLAYBOY: That was also Gerald Posner's 
view in his widely praised book, Case 
Closed. What's going to make your book 
different from his? 

BUGLIOSI: 1 agree with all of Posner's 
conclusions—that Oswald killed Kenne- 
dy and acted alone—but I disagree with 


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PLAYBOY 


176 


his methodology. There's a credibility 
problem. When he is confronted with a 
situation antithetical to the view he’s tak- 
ing, he ignores it or distorts it. I don’t do 
that. I present the opposing side in the 
way it should be presented and try to 
knock it do So my book will have 
more credibility and much more depth 
Right now 85 percent to 90 percent of 
the American people believe in some 
conspiracy. I'm hoping after my book to 
cut that down to 65 percent or 60 per- 
cent. Then 1 will feel that I've achieved 
something. 

PLAYBOY: With your life as a lawyer, 
writer and commentator, are you a 
wealthy man? 

BUGLIOSI: People think I'm a millionaire, 
but there are lawyers in this town who've 
never been in a courtroom who can buy 
and sell me a thousand times. 

PLAYBOY: You mean you don't drive a fan- 
су car or invest in art? 

BUGLIOSI: I’m primitive in that sense. My 
wife's embarrassed that I drive a 1989 
Oldsmobile. She doesn't want to be seen 
in it and I don't blame her. She just got 
herself an Infiniti, so I usually borrow 
her car when I go to meetings in Bever- 
ly Hills because I don’t want people 
looking down on me. If someone doesn't 
know me and I show up at a meeting 
with my car, they think I've fallen on 
hard times. But there's nothing I want, 
nothing I need, except maybe a new ten- 
nis racket. 

PLAYBOY: So there's no hidden art collec- 


tion in some vault? 

BUGLIOSI: Not too many people have less 
traditional cultural taste than I do. 
Things such as opera, ballet, sculpture, 
paintings depress me. If you offered me 
a week at the Louvre or a week in a 
room with the daily newspaper I'd read 
the paper. I personally have no appreci- 
ation of art. Art is motionless, it's not 
representative of life. Life is motion and 
energy, so when I look at sculpture or 
paintings it’s depressing. I also question 
the value of art. People pay not for the 
painting but for the name of the artist. 
What could be more artificial than the 
value of a product being primarily de- 
termined not by its quality but by the 
identity of the producer? Van Gogh's 
Sunflowers went for $40 mill 

me when I see nonsense like that. You 
could have someone do a virtually iden- 
tical, maybe even better painting, and 
it's not worth anything. 

PLAYBOY: An artist usually acquires a 
name because of the quality of his or her 
work. Sometimes it takes generations to 
achieve. Van Gogh sold only one paint- 
ing in his lifetime. 

BUGLIOSI: Well, I’m out of my depth 
here. The only areas of traditional cul- 
ture that don't depress me are books and 
music, My favorite music is the Latin 
American standards that came out of 
Mexico and Cuba between the Twenties 
and Forties. 

PLAYBOY: Besides books and music, you 
must also enjoy sports, for you attended. 


"Call them something else. No one will pay much 
aitention to ten suggestions.” 


the University of Miami on a partial ten- 
nis scholarship. How good were you at 
tennis? 

BUGLIOSI: I got to the finals in the Miami 
Invitational once against Gardnar Mul- 
loy, who, four years earlier, had been 
number one in the country. After that he 
won the Wimbledon doubles. Tennis was 
an enormous challenge to me growing 
up in Hibbing, Minnesota. Not many 
people played there, but there was a wall 
and I used to hit a ball against it all day. 
1 never had a lesson and had the same 
grip for both my backhand and fore- 
hand. I won the Minnesota state high 
school tennis championship. Then I be- 
came the Northwest junior champion. 


played basketball, football, baseball. Ev- 
ery Friday night I went to the cowboy 
movies. Wild Bill Elliott, the Durango 
Kid and the Boston Blackie serials were 
my favorites. | found jobs mowing lawns, 
working as a caddie, setting pins in the 
bowling alley, picking up garbage be- 
hind markets, painting the lines on the 
main strect. My mother was at home 
cooking, my father worked in the iron- 
ore mines, then he had a grocery store, 
then he became a conductor on the rail- 
road. My mother was the most feminine 
woman I've ever known and my father 
was the most masculine man. It was cute 
to observe the two of them. She was a 
dove, he was a lion. But he was the boss, 
he ran the home. 


BUGLIOSI: I'm in charge, yes. 


Who makes the important dea- 
sions in your family? 

BUGLIOSI: I do. We're getting into an 
area here where I'm sure to get attacked, 
but it seems to me that someone has to 
be the boss. It's childish for someone not 
to be the boss—like two kids in a sand- 
pile saying, “I got my way this time, now 
it's your turn.” Marriage, the family, it's 
an organization, a unit. And like any oth- 
er unit, someone has to be in charge. 
PLAYBOY: Women are going to love read- 
ing 

BUGLIOSI: But this is not looking down 
upon a woman at all. If people don't 
agree that the man should be in charge 
then the question is, do they want the 
woman to be in charge? ГА like to see a 
feasible arrangement where you have 
two people and neither one's in charge. 
How do you succeed in anything in life if 
you have no one in charge and everyone 
is going off in different directions? 
PLAYBOY: Do you believe in equality in a 
marriage? 

BUGLIOSI: I believe in complete equality 
between men and women in every area 
except marriage. In marriage the wom- 
an has to take the subordinate role not 
because man is superior but because 


every unit has to have a leader, and the 
man is the more natural leader. 

PLAYBOY: So you see a woman as having a 
specific role to play in a marriage? 
BUGLIOSI: Unless it's not economically 
possible, I believe a woman's role is in 
the home. 1 don't view that as а subordi- 
nate role, as feminists do. Someone has 
tostay at home, take care of the children, 
cook for the family, and it's far more nat- 
ural for the woman to fill this role. I 
don't know why feminists think that 
working in the highly competitive and 
treacherous business world is somehow 
superior to being at home. But hey, if 
that's what they want and the husband 
doesn't mind, that’s fine. I just don't 
think that in the last analysis they're do- 
ing themselves any favors. 

PLAYBOY: Do you do any cooking? 
BUGLIOSI: No. Coffee is about all I can 
do. I can make toast. 

PLAYBOY: Does your wife like to go out 
more than you? 

BUGLIOSI: Yes. 

PLAYBOY: Do you find yourself going out 
more because of that? 

BUGLIOSI: Yes. 

PLAYBOY: When you go to a movie, who 
selects the film? 

BUGLIOSI: Normally, I will defer to her 
because movies are more important to 
her than they are to me. 

PLAYBOY: If she wants to go out and you 


don't, then what? 

BUGLIOSI: She goes out with girlfriends. 
PLAYBOY: What about your environ- 
ment—who has furnished and decorat- 
ed your house? 

BUGLIOSI: Oh, she has. There are people 
in and out of this house—1 don't even 
know who they are. She takes care of all 
that stuff. 

PLAYBOY: Who pays the bills? 

BUGLIOSI: She has the checkbook, and 
she pays all the bills. She takes care of 
everything. 

PLAYBOY: How did you meet Gail? 

he was only 16 and I was 20 
and working as an assistant to the tennis 
pro for the city of Miami. I strung rack- 
ets and worked at the tennis shop and 
she was a young gal who came over 
there. We got married a year later. She 
deserves a Congressional Medal of Hon- 
or for living with me. 

PLAYBOY: You've been married for more 
than 40 years. Have you noticed things 
about yourself that have changed? 
BUGLIOSI: I'm 62 and I’m secing some 
things for the first time. Eight years ago 
Г was looking in the mirror and 1 saw my 
eyelashes, which I had never noticed be- 
fore. To me, eyelashes are supposed to 
curl up and mine were these short, 
amorphous, rather hideous-looking 
hairs protruding straight down from the 
ends of my eyelids. I was amazed that 


they didn’t inhibit my vision. Then, a few 
months ago I was about to go оп nation- 
al television and the makeup person was 
putting colored stuff on my face. She 
said, “I'll give you a mouth." What was 
she talking about? I looked in the mirror 
and for the first time I noticed this slit- 
like fissure that's been masquerading as 
a mouth for years and years. I used to. 
have a mouth. But apparently when you 
get older your lips do a disappearing act 
and there's a thin seam across your face. 
I didn't know it until she said tl 
PLAYBOY: If you could have anything you 
wanted, besides a mouth, what would 
it be? 

BUGLIOSI: J just want to be left alone. 
"That's what I want more than anything 
else. I've been so busy I don't have time 
to eat during the day. I've had to post- 
pone dental and medical appointments. 
1 haven't gotten back to Johnny Carson, 
who wanted to have dinner, play tennis. 
1 had to turn down speaking at an Ital- 
ian American event that President Clin- 
ton was attending. I'm working on mul- 
tiple deadlines. I'm in negotiation with 
various networks—CBS, Showtime, Fox. 
1 keep saying to myself, It's got to slow 
down. I'm still waiting to go back to my 
youth when my greatest moments were 
moments of solitude and I could hear 


my footsteps. 


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Surf's up: Who made Playboy's swimsuit lineup? Fram left ta 
right, Tina Backrath, Carrie Yozel, Аус Fobion, Carrie WestcoH, 
Barbara Moore, Jessica Lee and Lisa Marie Scott show aff 
some af the sexiest new beach outfits in aur swimsuit line. 


PLAYBOY hosted a beach party last De- 
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guys, the suits don't come with your 
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MARILYN COLE: 
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graphed picture for their hus- 
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feel good.” 


LAYMATE SNEWS 


“I never felt so appre- 
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Collins has been visit- 
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Victoria Fuller, Veron- 
ica Gamba and Lisa 
Marie Scott visited 
erans’ hospitals in Cal 
fornia. At a Chicago 
party held at the Na- 
tional Vietnam Vet- 
erans Art Museum, 
Collins presented the 
museum a scrapbook 
of her trip 30 years 
ago. Miss December 
1964 said, “I will always remember 
what I saw.” Operation Playmate will 
visit vets throughout the year. 


GILLIAN GOES DIGITAL 


Gillian Bonner, Miss April 1996, has 
brains as well as looks. She founded a 
multimedia software company, Black 
Dragon Productions, and cast herself 
as Riana Rouge, the title char 
a CD-ROM adventure game. $ 
working on Riana Rouge П, in which 
her character embarks on 

a more spiritual 
journey. Her associ- 
ation with PLAYBOY 
has helped her to at- 
tract more than 1 
million visitors each 
month to her Web site 
(www.blackdrag 
on.com), which she 
uses to market her 
multimedia products. 
Riana Rouge II, dis- 
tributed by Konami of 
America, lets players 
use an “emotivator” to 
control its heroine's be- 
havior. Bonner hopes 
that the new game will 
appeal to both sexes— 
strictly on an emotional 
level, of course. 


PLAYMATE POP QUIZ: 
CENTERFOLD 101 


Which Playmate is Elliot's girl- 
friend in the movie E.T? 
Erika Eleniak, July 1989 


Which Playmate wrote 
her own pictorial сору? 

Vicki McCarty, Sep- 
tember 1979 


Which Playmate was 
born on Christmas? 
Missy Cleveland, 
April 1979 


Which Playmate 
posed in clown 
makeup? 

ferri Lynn Dos: 
Terri Lynn Doss Loures Eos 
Which Playmate was the 19th of 
20 children in her family? 
Lourdes Estores, June 1982 


Which two Playmates are cousins? 
Elaine Morton, June 1970 
Karen Morton, July 1978 


PLAYMATE NEWS 


Asa mI of Glamourcon and pro- 
moting The Playmate Bock, many Play- 
mates have been back in touch with 
one another and with м.лувоу. Patti 
Reynolds and Nancy Harwood have 
organized the 
Centerfold 
Alumni Associ- 
ation, a support 
group for Play- 
mates. The as- 
sociation plans 
to help the 
women hone 
their leader- 
ship skills, par- 
ticipate in char- 
itable causes, 
serve as role 
models for future centerfolds and 
stay in touch with the world of 
Playboy Enterprises. We'll keep you 
updated on the association's activities. 
Until then, catch them on the Web at 
hetp:/www.centerfold-aa.org. 


Reynolds, Horwood 


JO COLLINS: 

"| was only 19 when I went to 
Vietnam. It wos the most mind- 
boggling experience I've ever 
had. Before | arrived, every- 
thing had been painted with 
the Rabbit Head. They were 
such young kids, and | was a 
happy diversion." 


I just received my copy of Victoria 
Valentino's Centerfold Sweethearts, а 
newsletter that Miss September 1963. 
publishes to help fans keep up with 
some of their favorite Playmates. This 
issue includes a triumphant photo of 
December 1982 Playmate Charlotte 
Kemp crossing the finish line at a 
Boston Marathon, a two-page story 
about March 1957 Playmate Sandra 
Edwards and a lovely tribute to Gail 


180 


PLAYMATES’ TOP TEN TURNOFFS 


Stanton. But the coup de gráce is 
definitely the centerfold feature of 
Victoria's newsletter, in which a fan 
appears. This must be the first Fan of 
the Month. 
Dan Stiffler 
dstiffler@main.rmwc.edu 


I recently read an article about a 
neighborhood in Manhattan. It's 
north of Little Italy. One of the new 
art galleries in the neighborhood was 
running an exhibit called Stag Party, 
featuring artifacts and memorabil- 
ia from the heyday of the Playboy 
Clubs. There were Playboy match- 
books and lighters, swizzle sticks and 
shot glasses, ties and cuff links. Un- 
fortunately, the exhibit closed, but 
maybe it will pop up elsewhere. 
Quentin LaFond 
‘Topicality@worldnet.att.net 


QUOTE UNQUOTE 


“I never thought about being in 
PLAYBOY until one night in Santa Fe. I 
was out to dinner with my mother 
when I was approached by a photog- 
rapher who was shoot- 
ing for Playboy Ger- 
many. He asked me if 

I wanted to pose and 

I said по. My шош 
said, ‘Echo, you've 

got to—it's a great 
opportunity.’ It 

was, and it has 
opened a lot of doors. It 
has been a great experience.”—ecHO 
JOHNSON, Miss January 1993 


"In the old days in Hollywood, turn- 
ing 40 for a woman was the kiss of 
death. Now, thank 
God, there are wom- 
en such as Jessica 
Lange, Susan Saran- 
don and Farrah 
Fawcett who are 
making it cause for 
celebration. Beauty 
makes people sus- 
pect that you don't 
have brains. 1 don't 
care how beautiful 
you are, because if 
you don't feel beauti- 
ful inside, you won't 
have any self-con- 
fidence. You have to 
work on your spiritu- 
al side. In older ac- 
tresses and models 
who are successful, 
you can see that it 
works."—LILLIAN 
MÜLLER, Miss August 
1975; PMOY 1976 


CON Catch participating Play- 


es 


PLAYMATE GOSSIP 
Playboy's 1997 Winter Ski Fest 
Weekends began in January in 
‘Telluride, Colorado and conclude 

in April in Stowe, Vermont. 


mates in the drifts. .. . 
Heidi Mark has signed 
to do an HBO movie, 
Weapons of Mass Distrac- 
lion. . . . Bettie Page is be- 
ing represented by the Curtis 
Management Group, which also 
represents the estates of Marilyn 
Monroe and James Dean. . . . 
Shauna Sand's recurring role on 
Renegade is as Lake Bradshaw, а 
personal trainer. . . . Cyndi 
Wood's collaborator on her CD, 
Sacrifice, is Kevin Jones, former 
keyboard player for Ozzy Os- 
bourne. . .. Marianne Gaba, Miss 
September 
1959, had her 
Playmate pic- 
tures shot by 
Lawrence 
Schiller, au- 
thor of the OJ. 
Simpson book 
American 
Tragedy. . . . 
When Play- 
mate of the 
Year 1982 
Shannon 
Tweed ap- 
peared on 
Rolonda last 
fall, we caught Rolondo ond Tweed 
her and the show’s host trying out 
the new Playboy by Don Diego 
cigars. Tweed confided that she 
was rejected three times before 
getting her centerfold. “I did it 
for male admiration,” she said. ... 
Bonnie Large has written a book 
of passionate romantic poetry. 
You can order a copy by writing to 
her fan club address: PO. Box 
3827, Beverly Hills, California 
90212....In 1986 Rebekka Arm- 
strong became a Playmate. In 
1989 she tested positive for HIV. 
Armstrong has put a new face on 
AIDS and has been talking to 
high school students about the 
risks of unprotected sex. Says 
Armstrong, “I’m still a Playmate 
and I'm really glad. rtavsov gave 
me a voice, and I'm using it to 
fight AIDS." . . . Anna-Marie 
Goddard was in Croatia in Janu- 
ary 1997 to celebrate the launch 
of Playboy Croatia. . . . Although 
Jenny McCarthy has split from 
her boyfriend, Ray Manzella, 
he still manages her business af- 
fairs. .. . Danelle Folta modeled 
for an Inside Sports swimsuit issue. 


Bettie Page 


Ihe Pin-Up Legend * Signed Collectibles 


di ccs seran han! ores Signed Playboy's en 
[tesa ere lere Teo e ren ее 530 
and fetish photos that shocked fifties America. 


Limited Edition Photos, ed by Bettie Page: Bettie Page and famous 
pin-up photographer Bunny Yeager combined talents in the fifties to capture | 
these classic images. Revisit this nostalgic time with these limited-edition bleck- 
and-shite 8" x 10" photos, each hand-signed by Bettie. Each photograph is а | 
limited edition of 1000 prints. The photograph of Bettie at the amusement | 
park shows her playful side. MT5594 530.00 The studio shot of Bettie |} 
wearing a leopard print robe was from the first session Bettie and Bunny | 
shot together. MT5650 $30.00 


56009 Bettie Page: The Life of a Pin-Up 
ое Вой Legend Book—Signed by Bettie 
#75253 = t Page! This combination biography and 

pictorial history reveals the mystery 

behind Bettie's glamorous aura. Bettie 

Page contributed photos from her 

personal collection, granted exclusive 

interviews with the author and wrote 

the foreword. Each beck is hand-signed 

Бу Bettie Page. More than 900 $300 


lite and color photos and ipia 
E #MT5650 
288 pages. Very limited quantities of this signed book are available! 
Signed book: MT5253 $60.00 Unsigned book: МТ5251 $50.00 


Playhoy's Bettie Page—Li Edition Photograph Signed by Bettie Page 
and Hugh M. Hefner! Bettie Page, the famous pin-up model of the filties, and 
Hugh Hefner have collaborated to sign her classic January 1955 Playboy 3200"? 
Centerfold photograph, This rare, museum-quality image was taken from the Signed Photo 
Playboy archives and printed on Ilfochrome paper, a process that preserves the col- #MT4896 
ors of the original for up to 500 years. Each of the 750 
, numbered photographs were inspected and hand-signed 
by Hugh M. Hefner and Bettie Page. Topless nudity. 
| Unframed, 31" x 25%. MT4896 $200.00 


\ (ner Tue BI29 4M ches te veer 


i Ya MasterCard, American Express or Disove 


JS. Most orders shipped within 48 hours. 
| m cole: 70059) 


| Order hy Mall Use your credit card and he sure to 


ee omis еч сс А ie 
Or endose a check or money order payable to 
| to Playboy, PO. Box 809, 

Itasca, Illinois 60143-0809. 


There in a $5.05 shipping-and- 
handling charge per total order 
Ilinois residente include 6,75% 
sales tax. Canadian residente р 


y no other forsign orders 
ог currency accept 


-—. | 
| — Enjoy Black Label Responsibly 


Jolmnic Walkers Black Labele, Blended Scotch Whisky, Imported 12 Year Old, 
40% Ale Vol. (80 Proof) ©1996 Schieffelin & Somerset Со. New York, NY. 


ON: THE 


“SICE NE 


BALI’S SILVER HIGH 


hen silver designer John Hardy set out 20 years ago 
on a trip around the world, he never got past Bali. 
The island's beauty and traditions inspired him to 
settle and to begin training local artisans to craft raw 
silver into masculine jewelry and accessories. Today, the John 
Hardy Collection numbers more than 1000 different objects, rang- 


ing from a money clip and a gentleman's flask to a cigar ashtray 
and a corkscrew (all shown below). (You may remember Hardy's 
“раг tube and lighter from last December's Christmas Gift Guide.) 
Created almost entirely by one talented artist, each piece in the 
collection is masculine yet delicate, with its burnished silver patina 
and a variety of intricate details. The result? A powerful look and feel. 


The John Hardy Collection of Balinese silver jewelry and accessories includes his Kuno-Jawan-pattern cigar ashtray, which is 6%” in diameter 
and includes a stogie rest (610). At far right is a small flask that’s perfect for your jacket and holds about four ounces of your favorite liquor 
($495). The wine pull ($685), which comes with a palmwood base (not shown) and handle, is positioned next to Hardy's Pintusapi-pattern 
money clip ($190). At center: A silver carved-chain ID bracelet ($415) encircles some premium double corona Playboy Cigars by Don Diego. 


E 


Drink 
in 
Liquid 
Soul 
Chicago's best- 
kept secret is 
out: LIQUID 
SOUL, the ten- 
piece acid jazz 
group, has a self- 
titled debut CD on 
Ark 21 Records. 
Get Liquid, 
Get funky. 


P 


б» ЕЖЕ. 


Goldie and 


Demi Do See-Through; 
We Say "Yes!" 

Both GOLDIE HAWN (left) and 
DEMI MOORE (above) have recent 
Woody Allen movie credits. Hawn 
sings in Everyone Says 1 Love You 
and Moore doesn't in Deconstruct- 
ing Harry. They have it. They flaunt 
it, We're glad. 


T 


| 


| 


STRICKLAND is 
the host of Hit 
TV and stars 

in Choices at 
the movies. 


Sabra Is 
Beached 
Before SABRA POWELL 
appeared in Richard 
Gere's Rhapsody in Au- 
gust, she was a member 
of the University of Ha- 
waii Rainbow Dancers. 
She has performed at a 
Pro Bowl and a Lakers 
game. We'll certainly 
dance to that. 


From Top to Bottom 
Starlet CHERYL DILLARD has been modeling in Cali- 
fornia. You can see her in the Hot Body International 
video and in the Cal Exotic catalog. Cheryl is audition- 
ing for movies, but she already has а role with us. 


Drew Does Disney 

Former stand-up comic and Cleveland native DREW CAREY 
watched the pilot he co-wrote for The Drew Carey Show turn in- 
to a must-see weekly sitcom. Let's hear it for the average Drew. 


POTPOURRI 


GIRLS, GIRLS, 
GIRLS 


Pin-up magazines 
such as High Heel, 
Beauty Parade, 
Eyeful and Flirt 
p аге no longer 
on newsstands, 
but the illus- 
trations that ap- 
peared in them 
are still being 
enjoyed. The 
Great American. 
Pin-Up, a 380-page 
coffee-table book by 
Charles Martignette 
and Louis Meisel, is a 
collection of cheesecake 
by more than 70 artists, 
including Alberto Var- 
gas and Gil Elvgren. 
"The German-printed 
book features more 
than 900 illustrations 
from the Thirties 
through the Sixties and 
includes text on the 
history of pin-ups. It is 
published by Taschen 
and costs $45 Stateside, 
$55 shipped overscas. 
Call 800-732-5149. 


UNCLE JOHN'S SANDALS 


From that big stage in the sky, Jerry Garcia wants his fans to just keep 
on truckin‘. And what better way to do so than in these Dead Tread 
sandals, part of the officially licensed Grateful Dead merchandise line, 
The footwear is said to be made with “the same long-lasting quality and 
care as the music itself,” and the soles are embossed with a skeletal foot 
and the band’s logo, designed to make an imprint in soft terrain. The 
sandal shown here, in bamboo-colored leather, also comes in brown. 
Tall, fur-lined boots, slipper-like “scuffs” and canvas sandals are avail- 
able too, along with other styles. Prices range from about $50 for the 

186 canvas sandals to about $170 for the boots. To order call 800-897-DEAD. 


WHAT’S COOKING OVERSEAS 
‘Traveling abroad these days is as easy as 
opening a cookbook. In Patricia Wells ai 
Home їп Provence, the author invites you 
to her farmhouse in southern France to 
try more than 175 recipes. Price: $40. In 
Picasso, Bon Vivant, images of the artist's 
paintings are juxtaposed with the recipes 
and pictures of the types of food he en- 
joyed as he traveled through Paris, Spain 
and the Midi in the early to mid-1900s. 
Price: $35. Check your bookstore. 


JUST BEAT IT 


"It tickles the rhythm taste buds.” That's 
how John Hayden describes Jamtoun, а 
game kit he created with inspiration from 
the music of native cultures. Playcrs form 


a live band by keeping simple beats on 
primitive percussion instruments, such as 
a goat-hide drum and a shaker made 
from three seedpods on a stick. A kit in- 
cludes rhythm cards ard instructions. 
Price: $44.95 Юг five instruments, $62.95 
for eight. Call 888-JAMTOWN. 


TOY STORIES 


Remernber when a day of fun meant coloring 
with Crayolas, fighting wars with С.1. Joe and 
copying the newspaper's comics with Silly Put- 
ty? David Hoffman does. His book Kid Stuff is a 
colorful roundup of more than 40 classic play- 
things, including Play-Doh, Legos and Hot 
Wheels. Besides providing cach toy's history, 
Hoffman includes little-known facts, such as 
that Lincoln Logs were invented by Frank 
Lloyd Wright's son. Price: $15.95. To order, сай 
Chronicle Books at 800-729-6657. 


ROAD READING 


Mobilia, the only monthly 
magazine dedicated to auto- 
mobile collectibles, is а slick 
color journal with about 100 
pages and a readership near- 
ing 60,000. Why so success- 
ful? According to its editor, 
Tom Funk, Mobilia captures 
the essence of the hobby by 
focusing on “car love and 
nostalgia as well as the joy of 
stuff.” With profiles on seri- 
ous collectors and more, Mo- 
bilia is as fun to read as it is 
informative—even if you're 
not a car buff. Price: $19 Юг 
12 issues. Call 800-067-8068. 


HOOK THE STARS 


You dor't have to be a movie buff to play Star- 
crossed, but it sure helps. The object is to con- 
nec random actors (through the movies 
they've appeared in) and random movies 
(through the stars who have appeared in them) 
vsing as few links as possible. For example, 
Jamie Lee Curtis and Kevin Costner are linked 
by two movies: She was in A Fish Called Wanda 
with Kevin Klein, who was in Silverado with 
Costner. Price: $40, at game and specialty 
stores, or call 888-FILMBUF. 


IT’S SWING TIME 


To paraphrase Cab Calloway, golf don't mean a thing if you ain't 
got that swing. Which is why we recommend The L.A. Ws of Golf, a 
set of instructional videos that divides players into three types: 
leverage (medium sized, average build), arc (tall, thin chested, 
maximum flexibility) and width (thick torso, minimum flexibili- 
ty). The tapes help you determine which type you are, then show 
you your optimum swing. Price: $60. Call 800-coLr-rvr. 


007TH HEAVEN 


We've always thought of 
James Bond as the ideal 
PLAYBOY man—sophisticated, 
slick and adventurous, and 
he always gets the girl. James 
Bond Connoisseur's Collection 
are trading cards that high- 
light all things Bond, from 
Connery to Brosnan. Each 
card features photos on the 
front and back as well as 
anecdotes about the movies 
and characters. There are 
three volumes: The Sixties, The 
Seventies and The James Bond 
Legacy. A pack of seven cards 
costs $2. From Inkworks; call 
919-873-1316 to order. 


NEXT MONTH 


BASEBALL PREVIEW 


007 —OUR MAN JAMES BOND IS THRUST INTO SOUTHERN 
CHINA UNDER A FALSE IDENTITY TO STEAL A DOCUMENT 
FROM THE FORMIDABLE GENERAL WONG. WILL HE GET 
OUT ALIVE? WILL HONG KONG SURVIVE? THE CONCLUSION 
ОЕ OUR BOND DOUBLEHEADER BY RAYMOND BENSON 


SUPERMODELS- THE CATWALK HAS NEVER LOOKED SO 
GOOD. HERE'S OUR TRIBUTE TO CINDY AND CLAUDIA AND 
ELLE AND TYRA. YOU KNOW THE NAMES. BUT NOBODY 
SHOWS OFF THEIR STUFF LIKE PLAYBOY 


JOHN GRAY IN ORBIT—THE BEST-SELLING AUTHOR OF 
MEN ARE FROM MARS, WOMEN ARE FROM VENUS HAS 
SOME WILD SEX ADVICE. AN ARTICLE YOU WON'T STOP 
TALKING ABOUT—BY DAVID SHEFF 


DONALD TRUMP IS FLYING KIGH—AGAIN—THE SELF- 
PROCLAIMED “POOREST GUY IN THE WORLD" HAS 
STORMED BACK, WITH FLAMBOYANT CLAIMS AND THE 
WEALTH TO BACK THEM UP. AN OUTRAGEOUS PLAYBOY 
PROFILE BY MARK BOWDEN 


SPRING TREATS—WHAT WOULD THE MERRY MONTH OF 
MAY BE WITHOUT OUR WITTY, UNCANNY BASEBALL PRE- 
VIEW? GET ALL THE DIAMOND DISH FROM SPORTS AU- 
THORITY KEVIN COOK. PLUS, OUR MUST-SEE FASHION 


‘SUPERMODELS 


FORECAST: THIS SPRING IT'S THE MANLY SQUEEZE FROM 
HOLLIS WAYNE 


MUSIC POLL RESULTS—YOU WENT MAD FOR ALANIS, 
SMACKED KISS WITH BEST CONCERT AND HAD NO DOUBT 
ABOUT YOUR FAVORITE ROCK GROUP. TUNE IN FOR THE 
REST OF THE WINNERS IN OUR JAZZ & ROCK POLL 


THE MORRELL SISTERS—THIS SORORITY LEFT US 
SPEECHLESS AT FIRST, BUT WE FINALLY THOUGHT OF 
WHAT TO SAY: THANK YOU, MA AND PA MORRELL! SEE 
WHAT THE FUN'S ABOUT IN A PICTORIAL TOUR DE FORCE 


SAUL BELLOW MAY BE THE BEST LIVING AMERICAN NOV- 
ELIST. THE MAN WHO WROTE HERZOG AND HENDERSON 
THE RAIN KING TALKS ABOUT HIS NOBEL PRIZE, THE POV/- 
ER OF THE WRITTEN WORD AND WHY HE HATES BEING LA- 
BELED A JEWISH WRITER. ALL IN A HISTORIC PLAYBOY IN- 
TERVIEW BY LAWRENCE GROBEL 


PLUS: A TITILLATING LOOK AT ANOTHER FABULOUS CYNDI 
(THIS TIME HER LAST NAME IS WOOD), THE DISH ON DIGI- 
TAL BROADCASTING SYSTEMS, A STEAMY INTRODUCTION 
TO PLAYMATE LYNN THOMAS AND 20 QUESTIONS WITH 
TV'S KILLER KIWI, LUCY LAWLESS 


ADVERTISEMENT 


ANYPLACE, ANYWHERE, ANYTIME NOBITS any DAY, ANY MONTH, ANY YEAR 


Larry Bowdish, Publishing 
Executive, 37; Of Massive Hard 


Drive Failure 


By SIMON BOWDEN 


He wes the envy of the textbook 
publishing crowd. The bad boy of the 
scholastic set. Witty, urbane, and out- 
spoken, Larry Bowdish lit up a sleepy 
incustry with his meteoric rise to the 
top, but the ride ended suddenly late 
last night, when he suffered a devas- 
tating system collapse during final 
manuscript edits. 

Mr. Bowdish's sudden demise came 
as a shock to friends, who recalled a 
man known for his boundless energy 
and enthusiasm. 


“One minute, you've got the 
world by the tail and the 


next... you've been erased.” 


“Naturally, we're all a little stunned," 
said Information Services Director 
David B. Cohen, “after all, we do 
encourage employees to save their 
work every chance they get" Said 
another colleague, “It’s so unfair. 
І mean, one minute you've got 
the world by the tail and the next, 
you've been erased." 

Officials have since traced the sys- 
tem collapse, reconstructing Bow- 
dish's last hours and desperate 
attempts al retrieval. It now appears 
Mr. Bowdish was downloading from 
corporate archives onto his worksta- 
tion, and periodically dumping onto 
floppy disks. "People can use floppies 
as backups, but there's an obviously 
limited capacity. Besides, Bowdish 
was making changes straight onto the 
disks without keeping track of his 


Nancy Conaty, 
34, Accidentally 


Trashed by Four- 
year-old Son 


By SIMON BOWDEN 

Mrs. Nancy Conaty was sole propri- 
etor of an executive search firm run 
out of the home. The end came in a 
tragic family accident late Thursday 
afternoon. Mrs. Conaty had appar- 
ently walked into the kitchen to check 
оп à pot roast when son Joey dragged 
her unsaved document into the trash, 
then pounded unknown commands 
оп the keyboard 

The computer was rushed to a 
neighborhood computer store where 
specialists struggled frantically for 
several hours to retrieve the lost work. 
Their attempts were in vain, as the 
damage was much too widespread. 
“Had this occurred with a safe backup 
in place, no big deal,” the store man- 
ager shrugged. "But there's very little 
we can do ina case like this.” 


Lorry Boweich 


changes. So, searching for lost data be- 
comes a moot point,” explained Cohen 
Mr. Bowdish, who had no known 
history of hard drive failure, leaves 
no surviving software. In lieu of 
flowers, the family kindly requests 
all leads and reasonable job offers be 
forwarded to the home address. 


By SIMON BOWDEN 


Stephen Cunningham, known affec- 
tionately in accounting circles as the 
Bulldog of Due Diligence, was found 
not at his desk yesterday morning 

His untimely exit from Simon Co. 
coincided with the discovery of cor- 
rupted files on the largest merger and 
acquisition project in the history of 
the firm. It wasn't known whether the 
data disappearance alone caused 
Cunningham's sudden departure. 
However sources revealed that the ex- 
Senior Vice President's lengthy battle 
with a mysterious DOS virus was well 
documented within the firm. 

"The Tech Suppor! guys were down 
here all the time,” said long-time 
assistant Jane Deery "Steve was 
always getting these weird system 
bombs, it was bizarre. But he had an 
amazing memory and was usually 
able to re-creete whatever was lost." 


Mysterious DOS Virus Claims 


Famous Accountant 


Stephen Cunningham 


Since the information was so impor- 
tant, it’s a mystery why the departed 
didn't back up his hard drive. 

Ms. Deery added Mr. Cunningham 
declined a traditional going away 
party, wishing instead to “just get on 
with thin; 


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