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ENTERTAINMENT ' JULY 1997 • 


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INTERVIEW WITH ER'S ј 

ANTHONY EDWARDS EP 

A FEMINIST GOES FOR f Y 

BIG GAZONGAS Ж 

SEX IN THE THIRTIES 

THE RETURN GE A NEW LOOK AT 
GEORGE LUCAS PLAYMATE FAVORITE 
CLASSY COOL BRANDI BRANDT 
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INTERVIEW WITH ER'S & A NEW LOOK AT 
ANTHONY EDWARDS f PLAYMATE FAVORITE 
A FEMINIST GOES FOR г. BRANDIBRANDT 
BIG GAZONGAS 4 20 WITH 
SEX IN THE THIRTIES JON LOVITZ 
CLASSY COOL 
THE RETURN OF f 
GEORGE LUCAS 2 CONVERTIBLES 


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SURGEON GENERAL'S WARNING: Cigarette 
Smoke Contains Carbon Monoxide. 


61997 BAWT Ca 


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From Hollywood to Main Street, it’s being heralded as the beginning of a home 
entertainment revolution. It’s called DVD Video. With a digital picture that’s better than laser disc, 
and state-of-the-art digital audio, DVD is destined to change your home into a, well, you get the picture. 

DVD Now movies meet the digital age. And Philips Magnavox is there to help make the introductions. 


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PLAYBILL 


OUR EVERY encounter with Farrah Fawcett has left us amazed. 
Her first photo shoot not only made our December 1995 issue 
one of the biggest sellers in recent memory, it redefined our 
concept of glamour as art. It was as if her triumphs—that tan- 
talizing poster, her gritty performance in The Burning Bed— 
had only hinted at her talent. Now she has done it again. A 
trained artist, these days Farrah is using the ultimate paint- 
brush: herself. She is an action painter (think nude body, gal- 
lons of paint, yards of receptive canvas). When we captured 
this mind-bending process on film, we were amazed at the re- 
sults. Check out Farrah: All of Me. The photographs are by 
William Hawkes. The art is all Farrah 

Speaking of perfect bodies, Jan Breslauer, who once taught 
feminist theory at Yale, expanded her credentials by several 
cup sizes: She had her breasts enlarged. “Boob jobs aren't in- 
compatible with feminist goals," Breslauer says in Stacked Like 
Me (illustrated by Marco Ventura of Milan). After all, Breslauer 
points out, a woman has a right to do whatever she wants with 
her body. A few wards down, the doctor is in. On ER, 911 is no 
joke, thanks in large part to Anthony Edwards. As Dr. Mark 
Greene, Edwards plays the most compelling television medic 
since Alan Alda's Hawkeye Pierce. Thing is, the real-life Ed- 
wards is quite a contrast to his uptight M.D. It's all made clear 
in a laid-back interview with Kevin Cook. Edwards talks about 
his hippie tendencies and peeing in the ocean. You'll also 
learn just how well lubed George Clooney likes to keep things 
on the set 

"The return of the Star Wars trilogy is an apt herald of the 
millenium. Jt represents our childhood in the stars, a familiar 
future that reminds us of an idyllic, popcorn-flavored past. By 
weaving together such universal myths as the vision quest, the 
battle between good and evil and the rescuc of the beautiful 
princess, George Lucas established himself as a high priest 
(read: Jedi knight) of blockbuster movies. Then he dropped 
out and built an astronomical fortune with special effects. 
Bernard Weinraub, entertainment reporter for The New York 
Times, went to the source for Luke Skyualker Goes Home. 

Hard Times, the fourth installment of Playbe 
Sexual Revolution, takes us back to the Thirti 
tersen, our resident social scientist, who works directly with Hef 
on the series, recounts an era that witnessed a divergence be- 
tween contemporary morals and their representation on film. 
Less than a third of women and a seventh of men born after 
1910 were virgins when they married. But in movies, thanks 
to the Legion of Decency, married couples slept in separate 
beds. Fortunately there was Mae West to remind us, "When 
women go wrong, men go right after them." 

Early in his career, Jon Lovitz was tagged with the well- 
earned sobriquet of the Liar. So you can believe everything he 
tells David Rensin in this month's 20 Questions about loaning 
Gwyneth Paltrow to Brad Pitt, fending off randy groupies and 
getting off online. Lovitz not only sat for 20Q, he wrote the 
Party Jokes. And he photographed the Playmate. In fact, he is 
the Playmate. (He just wore a disguise.) Yeah, that's the ticket. 
Lying and cheating don't come easy for Weldon in the short 
story J Could've Told You If You Hadn't Asked, by George Singleton, 
However, Weldon's attitude changes when he meets a neigh- 
bor's spacey, beautiful wife (sexily rendered by artist Charles 
Burns in the illustration). 

Our athletic Playmate, Daphnee Lynn Duploix, is quite versa- 
tile. With nine movie credits under her belt, Miss July can 
also sing, dance and kickbox. She and Contributing Photog- 
rapher Richord Fegley headed to the Bahamas for a sand-comb- 
ing pictorial that will leave you shell-shocked. Speaking of go- 
ing topless, don't miss our sexy tribute to the hot new class of 
convertibles, Drop Your Top. Can you feel the wind in your 
face? Are you ready for summer? Vroom. 


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PLAYBOY 


vol. 44, no. 7—july 1997 CONTENTS FOR THE MEN'S ENTERTAINMENT MAGAZINE 
PLAYBILL АН 7; 
DEAR PLAYBOY! У.У +С; су ОШ т ee a A E АА 18 
PLAYBOY AFTER HOURS! РЕ 19 
MOVIES .. 22 
VIDEO... 25 
MUSIC... 28 
WIRED . 32 
BOOKS .. 34 AES 
HEALTH & FITNESS ... 36 
MEN SEEN A TE у UE 38 
THE PLAYBOY ADVISOR 41 
THE PLAYBOY FORUM 45 
PLAYBOY INTERVIEW: ANTHONY EDWARDS—candid conversation ............. 55 
STACKED LIKE ME—article |... JAN BRESLAUER 64 
PLAYMATE REVISITED: BRANDI BRANDT ........ 69 
1 COULD'VE TOLD YOU IF YOU HADN'T ASKED—fiction...GEORGE SINGLETON 74 
TOBACCO ROAD smokes ee e Ree 76 
PERFECT FIT—fashion -HOLLIS WAYNE во 
PLAYBOY GALLERY: A GUIDO ARGENTINI NUDE 87 
DAPHNEE'S FREE SPIRIT—playboy's playmate of the month 90 
PARTY JOKES—humor .. 102 
PLAYBOY'S HISTORY OF THE SEXUAL REVOLUTION 
PART IV: HARD TIMES (1930-1939)....................... JAMES R. PETERSEN 104 
DROP YOUR TOP—cors . КЕМ GROSS 112 
LUKE SKYWALKER GOES HOME— playboy profile......... BERNARD WEINRAUB 118 
FARRAH: ALL OF ME—pictorial |... 122 
20 QUESTIONS: JON LOVITZ. .. 138 
WHERE & HOW TO BUY... 152 
PLAYMATE NEWS ... 179 
PLAYBOY ON THE SCENE. . IE EN 183 Wife Stecler — 


COVER STORY 


“Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who's the Farrah of them all?" There's only one, of 
course, and we have her—in a dazzling new pictorial that features Farrah as you've 
never seen her—as o work of art. Our sotiny-smooth cover was shot by William 
Hawkes, with styling by Tanya Gill, hair by Serenella Radoelli/Cloutier Agency and 
mokeup by Mela Murphy. Our Rabbit knows that it’s enough to be a wallflower. 


GENERAL orrices. PLAYBOY seo nomm LAKE SHORE сук. CHICAGO. имота асани i Ayan ASSUMES мо RESPONSIBILITY TO RETURN UNSOLICITED EDITORIAL on GRAPHIC OM OTHER 


(CONDITIONALLY ASSIGNED, 


е; FICADO DE LICITUS DE TÍTULO NO. 7570 DE FECHA 29 OE JULIO DE 1993. Y CERTIFICADO OE LIC 
GE 1893. EXPEDIDOS PON LA COMISION CALIFICADORA DE PUBLICACIONES Y REVISTAS ILUSTRADAS DEFEHDIENTE DE LA SECRETARIA OE GOBERNACIÓN. MÉXICO. RESERVA DE TÍTULO Eni TRÁMITE 


PRINTED IN U.S.A 


PLAYBOY 


10 


Ue Е of Auen Fiction 
разоу, 


KURT. 


VONNEGUT Jr. 


WELCOME TO THE MONKEY HOUSE 


PLUS STORIES BY TOM ROBBINS, ROALD DAHL, 
T. CORAGHESSAN BOYLE, AND JANE SMILEY 


Call Bookcassette Sales to order 
Short Stories: 


1-616-846-5256 


Or visit your loca! bookstore 


Volumes 1-5 available 


2 cassettes 
each volume 


Playboy, Playboy Audio and Rabon нава Das 
ara marks of Playboy and usod wth permission. 


Cig 14K and 
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ike the bands on tbe new Playboy 
4 wh Cigars by Don Diego, tbis special 


Ring shown ol approx 
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edition ring carries with it an unmistakable 
cachet. It’s made of 14K gold and features the 
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who founded Playboy... and knows the value 
of a good cigar Unisex ring. Sizes 7, 8, 9, 10. 
Ring# NN5595 $175.00 


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Use your credit cord and bo sure to ladido your count 
number and expiratioa date. Or enclose a check or 
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BO. Box 809, Dept. 78077, акса, Illinois 60143-0809. 


ORDER TOLL-FREE 800-423-9494 
Charge to yoar Visa, MasterCard, American Express 
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please indude an аё ооо $2.00 per em. боту по otber 
бтп orden or cren опер! CIM? Pitoy 


PLAYBOY 


HUGH M. HEFNER 
editor-in-chief 


ARTHUR KRETCHMER editorial director 
JONATHAN BLACK managing editor 
TOM STAEBLER art director 
GARY COLE photography director 
KEVIN BUCKLEY executive editor 
JOHN REZEK assistant managing editor. 


EDITORIAL 
ARTICLES: STEPHEN RANDALL editor; FICTION: 
ALICE к. TURNER editor; FORUM: JAMES R. PE- 
TERSEN senior staff writer; CHIP ROWE associate 
editor; MODERN LIVING: DAVID STEVENS edi- 
tor; BETH TOMKIW associate editor; STAFF: ERUCE 
KLUGER senior editor; CHRISTOPHER NAPOLITANO, 
BARBARA NELLIS associate editors; ALISON LUND- 
Gren junior editor; FASHION: HOLLIS WAYNE 
director; JENNIFER RYAN JONES assistant editor; 
CARTOONS: MICHELLE URRY editor; COPY: 
LEOPOLD FROEHLICH editor; ARLAN BUSHMAN, 
ANNE SHERMAN assistant editors; REMA SMITH 
senior researcher; LEE BRAUER, GEORGE HODAK. 
SARALYN WILSON researchers; MARK DURAN 
research librarian; CONTRIBUTING EDI- 
TORS: ASA BABER. KEVIN COOK, GRETCHEN 
EDGREN, LAWRENCE GROBEL. KEN GROSS (aulomo- 
tive), CYNTHIA HEIMEL, WARREN KALBACKER, 
D. KEITH MANO, JOE MORGENSTERN, REG POTTER- 
TON, DAVID RENSIN, DAVID SHEFF, DAVID STANDISH, 
BRUCE WILLIAMSON (movies) 

ART 
KERIG POPE managing director; BRUCE HANSEN. 
CHET SUSKI, LEN WILLIS senior directors; KRISTIN 
KORJENEK associate director; ANN SEIDL supervi- 
sor, keyline/pasteup; PAUL CHAN senior art assis- 
tant; JASON SIMONS art assistant 


PHOTOGRAPHY 
MARILYN GRABOWSKI west coast editor; JIM LAR- 
SON, MICHAEL ANN SULLIVAN senior editors; PATTY 
BEAUDET associate edilor; STEPHANIE BARNETT, 
BETH MULLINS assistant edilors; DAVID CHAN, 
RICHARD FEGLEY. ARNY FREYTAG. RICHARD IZUI 
DAVID MECEY, BYRON NEWMAN, POMPEO POSAR. 
STEPHEN WAYDA contributing photographers; 
SHELLEE WELLS stylist; TIM HAWKINS manager, 
‚photo services; ELIZABETH GEORGIOU photo ar- 
chivist; GERALD SENN correspondent—paris 


RICHARD KINSLER publisher 


PRODUCTION 
MARIA MANDIS director; RITA JOHNSON manager; 
KATHERINE CAMPION, JODY JURGETO, RICHARD 
QUARTAROLI, TOM SIMONEK associate managers 


CIRCULATION 
LARRY A. DJERF newsstand sales director; PHYLLIS 
ROTUNNO subscription circulation director; CINDY 
RAKOWITZ communications director 


ADVERTISING 
ERNIE RENZULLI advertising director; james oi- 
MONEKAS, new york manager; JEFF KIMMEL, sales 
development manager; JOE HOFFER midwest ad 
sales manager; wv KORNBLAU marketing director; 
LISA NATALE research director 


READER SERVICE 
LINDA STROM, MIKE OSTROWSKI correspondents 


ADMINISTRATIVE 
EILEEN KENT new media director; MARCIA TER 
Rones rights & permissions manager 


PLAYBOY ENTERPRISES, INC. 
cunistie HEFNER chairman, chief executive officer 


A Lamborshini 


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more efficiently, so you can feel better longer: The lasting energy of GI15? is real. 
It's natural. It's also what makes GINSANA different from everything else on the shelf. 


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Pharmaton Natural Health Products affirms that the statements presented on this package are supported by well-controlled clinical studies. Available in the vitamin aisle. 

Read and follow label instructions. © 1997 Boehringer Ingelheim Pharmaceuticals 


THREE MOVIE 
MASTERPIECES 
As YOU'VE NEVER 
SEEN THEM BEFORE. 


DIGITALLY MASTERED 
UNDER THX SUPERVISION FOR 
SUPERIOR SOUND AND PICTURE QUALITY. 


RELEASED WITH 
COMMEMORATIVE INTERVIEWS 
WITH THE DIRECTOR, AUTHOR AND STARS. 


THE GODFATHER, THE GODFATHER PART II AND 
THE GODFATHER PART III INDIVIDUAL CASSETTES ARE ALSO 
AVAILABLE TOGETHER IN A COLLECTOR'S EDITION SET. 
EACH FILM IS ALSO AVAILABLE FOR THE FIRST TIME IN WIDESCREEN. 
AVAILABLE NOW WHEREVER VIDEOS ARE SOLD. 


MARLON BRANDO IN THE GODFATHER. 
MARLON BRANDO 15 FEATURED ONLY IN THE GODFATHER. 


DEAR PLAYBOY 


680 NORTH LAKE SHORE DRIVE 
CHICAGO, ILLINOIS 60611 
FAX 312-649-9534 
E-MAIL OEARPE@PLAYBOY.CON 
PLEASE INCLUDE YOUR DAYTINE PHONE NUMBER 


A CASE OF VERTIGO 
I'm delighted with the presentation of 
3001: The Final Odyssey (March). Please 
congratulate the illustrator on a dra- 
matic job of instant vertigo—Hitchcock 
would have been proud of Donato Gian 
cola. I hope his work doesn't make read- 
ers so giddy that they can't find their way 
to the local bookstore. And I'm happy to 
see that PLAYBOY is still trying to decon- 
taminate the U.S. from the poisonous 
fallout of the puritan perversion. You 
might like to quote the reply I now give 
to latter-day Comstocks: "Keep your 
filthy hands off my filthy min 
Arthur C. Clarke 
Colombo, Sri Lanka 


OUTRAGED 
First Vincent Bugliosi writes an artide 
for you about how he'd like to string up 
O.J. Simpson. Then he interviews Faye 
Resnick, and now he’s your Playboy Inter- 
view (April) subject. He's been so ex- 
posed in your magazine you may as well 
make him next month's Playmate 
Douglas Levy 
Aurora, Illinois 


My reaction after reading the April 
Playboy Interview is: Vincent Bugliosi for 
president. 

Jim Deen 

Cholame, California 


Having been a Bugliosi fan for more 
than 20 years, I find it incredible that he 
would take such an idiotic position on 
the issue of drugs. His suggestion that 
we grab Colombian drug lords by the 
scruffs of their necks and bring them to 
the U.S. to face the death penalty is ab- 
surd. Bugliosi seems to think that if we 
executed a couple ofthese guys, the rest 
would shake so hard in their boots that 
they'd immediately cease their cocaine 
production. He's talking about some of 
the greediest and most fearless people 
on earth, and there's an inexhaustible 
supply of them. Please tell Vince to leave 


this topic alone. He was doing fine with- 
out it. 
Kent Ashcraft 
Bowie, Maryland 


At the age of 14, 1 wrote to Vincent 
Bugliosi after reading Helter Skelter. Ever 
since then, I have followed his work. His 
summation at the Manson trial was bril- 
liant. I can still remember his closing 
words, when he called off the names of 
the victims like a drumroll. Bugliosi is an 
articulate man, and while it’s true he's 
outspoken, we can always count on him 
to say the things so many of us can't. 

Lisa Shrestha 
Juneau. Alaska 


MONACO ROYALTY 
Sports Illustrated went all the way to 
Monaco to photograph one of its swim- 
suit-issue models. rravsox found Kelly 
Monaco (Kelly Girl, April) in our own 
backyard. Miss April can fish me out of 
the pool any time 
Hung P Tsai 
hptsai@sprintmail.com 
Arcata, California 


March may come in like a lion and go 
out like a lamb, but April will roar all 
month over Kelly Monaco. 
Charles Smith 
Athens, Ohio 


Once again there's proof of the adage 
that beauty is only skin deep. Kelly 
Monaco is a stunning woman, but she 
lacks sensitivity. According to her Data 
Sheet, she's turned off by “a man with 
morc hair on his back than his head." 1 
don't think Miss April would like to be 
judged by a physical flaw over which she 
has no control. 

Dave Macey 

Norristown, Pennsylvania 


It’s a fact that pLavnoy features beauti- 
ful women, but every month in Dear 
Playboy, I read letters from guys who 


Proclaim yourself “property” of 


the world's most popular men's 


magazine with our "Property 
of Playboy" T-shirt. Heather grey 
with black screen print. 
100% cotton. USA. Sizes L, XL. 
T-Shirt NM4863 $17.00 


Charge to your. 
Visa, MasterCard, American Express or Discover. Mast 
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Use your credit card and be sure 
to include your account number and expiration date. 
Or enclese a check or money order payable to Playboy. 
Mail to Playboy, PO. Вох 809, Dept. 70076, 
Itasca, Illinois 60143-0809. 

‘There ls $4.00 shipping-and-handling charge per total order. 
Ilinois esent include 675% sales tax. Canadian residents 


please include an additional $3.00 per liem. 
Sorry no other foreign orders or currency accepted. 


13 


PLAYBOY 


14 


claim that the absolute prettiest woman 
has been discovered. Surely, I thought, 
there isnt one woman who stands out. 
among so much physical beauty. Well, I 
was wrong. I now know that there is 
such a thing as "the most beautiful 
woman ever." Her name is Kelly Mona- 
co. Having lived 18 of my 20 years a 
mere one hour south of the Pocono 
Mountains, I feel lucky to have had such 
a neighbor. 

Matt Kushinka 

State College, Pennsylvania 


BAD BLOOD 
Bad Blood at the FBI (April) portrays 
Frederic Whitehurst as a patriotic, whis- 
tle-blowing hero. I see him as a backstab- 
bing, unhappy man. While some of his 
claims may be true, he seems to be ob- 
sessed with screwing over his fellow 
agents. Federal agencies could stand 
some policing, but Whitehurst went 
about it all wrong. 
James Braswell 
Mannford, Oklahoma 


What happened to Special Agent 
Whitehurst was wrong, and I'll be root- 
ing for him to win his suit against the 
FBI. Judging by how it has handled in- 
vestigations lately, I think the bureau 
should change its name to Fucking Bum- 
bling Idiots. 

Daniel Statkowski 
Cherry Tree, Pennsylvania 


20 QUESTIONS 
The Vanessa Williams interview 
(April) proves that she's uninformed 
about handguns, like most Hollywood 
residents. According to the National 
Safety Council, more children drown in 
swimming pools or choke on food every 
year than die in firearms accidents. 
Americans successfully defend them- 
selves with firearms more than 2 million 
times each year. 
Tim Lau 
Lake Forest, California 


I have been a fan of Vanessa Wil- 
liams since she won the Miss America ti- 
tle in 1983. Her sexy voice is perfectly 
matched to her exotic looks. 

Troy Goodwin 
Houston, Texas 


The fact that Richard Lalich assumes a 
high school band has a place for people 
who are tone-deaf makes me question 
his journalistic acumen. I'm now an ad- 
junc professor of music for Columbia 
University and a percussionist for Miss 
Saigon, and my high school orchestra 
was the best in five Western states—with 
keen competition. If Lalich cares to see 
an orchestra in action, I'll gladly show 
him how to tune a timpani. 

Michael Hinton 
New York, New York 


PRIVATE PARTS 
Jamie Malanowski's profile on How- 
ard Stern (Brace Yourself for Howiewood, 
April) can be summed up by saying, 
“You can fool all of the people all of the 
time." I think Stern is trying to screw the 
public for money, I'll admit I was sucked 
in fora while, but I won't be conned now. 
Larry Parola 
Newport Beach, California 


THE JOY OF JOEY 
It's great to see Joey Heatherton in 
the April issue (Pal Joey). A generation of 
young men have missed out on her, but 
those of us who seryed in Nam will nev- 
er forget her, She was there to remind us 
of American girls waiting for us back 
home. The thousands who were enter- 
tained by Joey will always hold her in 
their hearts. 
George Dorman 
Hillsborough, North Carolina 


What a tribute to one of the most 
beautiful dancers ever. Joey was always a 
must-see whenever she appeared on The 
Dean Martin Show. Y hope she'll attract a 
new group of admirers who were born 
long after the variety shows on which she 
appeared faded away. 

Ron Spigenere 
TexanCajun(Waol.com 
Lewisville, Texas 


Thanks for making my dream come 
true with your Joey Heatherton pictori- 
al. I've had a crush on her since I was 
a teenager watching her in Serta Sleep- 
er commercials. Joey is Serta Perfect. 
Would you please give us one more pho- 
to of her? 

Daniel Rufkahr 

DRufkahr@aol.com 

Jonesboro, Arkansas 


1£ my calculations are correct, Joey is 
in her carly to mid-50s now. She has de- 
fied the insidious ravages of middle age, 


as eye-poppingly proven by Stephen 
Wayda's sensational photos. 

Sidd Finch 

Beaver Dams, New York 


Joey Heatherton has the most beauti- 
ful legs I've ever seen—more beautiful 
than Betty Grable's, Angie Dickinson's 
or Mitzi Gaynor's—and PLAYBOY didn’t 
publish a single photo to prove it. Next 
time you feature a sexy dancer in a pic- 
torial, don't forget to show us her gams. 

Charles Nettles 
Johnston, lowa 


A TOOTH FOR A TOOTH 
After seeing your pictorial of women 
in dentistry (Talk About Toothsome!, April), 
I'm throwing away my toothbrush and 
praying for cavities so that I may visit Dr. 
Tammy Lynn Brewer. I won't even need 
Novocain or laughing gas; I'm anes- 
thetized by her beauty. 
M. Perry Roberts 
Sandy Hook Township, New Jersey 


I'm a 24-year-old predental major 
praying that the dental assistants will be 
as beautiful as these women when I 
graduate. 

Robby Mayes 
Amarillo, Texas 


BIRD GUARDIAN 
Thanks for sharing five decades of 
Playmates with us in The Playmate Book. Y 
read about September 1965 Playmate 
Patti Reynolds’ business, Audubon Enti- 
ties, and her product, Bird Guardian. I 
found it at my local hardware store and 
bought a few. This spring, even my ba- 
by birds will be thanking PLAYBOY. 
John O'Neill 
johnb@pin-ups.com 
Madison, Wisconsin 


1 DO READ IT FOR THE ARTICLES 
Га like to thank pravEov for keeping 
me current on the U.S. I’ve been living 
in Germany for the past nine years and 
haven't missed a single issue of the mag- 
azine. With such limited access to Amer- 
ican culture, I can honestly say 1 buy 
PLAYBOY for the articles—after checking 
out the pictures, of course. 
Donald Draut 
Geretsried, Germany 


MEN 
I read “Why Men Love Taxes" (April) 
with the humor it was intended to evoke, 
but it made me wonder how serious the 
state of our tax affairs really is. We be- 
have as though we're helpless while 
Congress spends our money. Perhaps it's 
time for us to stage a tax revolt to let 
Washington know we're mad as hell and 
we're not going to take it anymore. 
Ronald Serafin 
Houston, Texas 


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PLAYBOY AFTER HOURS 


PATRIOT EPISTLE 


If only Timothy McVeigh had gotten 
laid more often. In Colorado, Marilyn 
Gardner has founded the Patriot Match- 
maker dating service, which introduces 
lovelorn paramilitarists and survivalists 
to potential partners. The former actress 
counts 260 militia enthusiasts on her 
books after one year of business. For $69 
(women get a hefty discount), members 
receive a personal ad in and a year’s sub- 
scription to her monthly Patriot Match- 
maker bulletin. The dating service's 
slogan? “The ultimate in prepared- 
ness—having a like-minded mate.” It al- 
so helps if she has a taste for possum. 


DEATH ROGUE RECORDS 


Think of it as dinner music for your 
last meal. Resist Records has released a 
CD of jazz compositions by suicide doc- 
tor Jack Kevorkian, who plays flute and 
is backed by the Morpheus Quintet. A 
mixture of acid jazz and bop, the CD has 
the ycar's most apt title: A Very Still Life. 


WRYFECTA 


If ever there were an ideal candidate 
for the stud farm, it's the horse that ran 
a world record 1:32 mile at Santa Anita 
(later broken by Atticus). He's worthy 
not just for his speed but also for his 
name: Isitingood. We imagine the first 
generation of foals he sires will be 
named Yesitwas, Andhow, Ringading- 
ding and Yesyesathousandtimesyes. 


POSTNASAL TRIP 


Children can now develop a nose for 
history thanks to a series of books from 
Oxford University Press titled Smelly Old 
History. Mary Dobson, a professor of his- 
tory at Oxford, wrote Roman Aromas, Ти 
dor Odors and Victorian Vapors in an at- 
tempt to expose children to social 
transformations, the development of 
modern science and the fact that the 
world has always been a powerfully 
odorous place. The books have scratch- 
and-sniff panels that emit both familiar 
and unfamiliar odors. Among the smells: 
a Caesar salad of bath unguents and 


sweat (Roman aromas), an English gar- 
den of dung and lavender (Tudor odors) 
and thc factory-fresh combo of machine 
oil and urine (Victorian vapors). The 
idea came to Dobson when she was lec- 
turing undergrads on medicine and con- 
tagion. She wanted to reinforce the 
thought that until recently the world was 
a cauldron of smells from open sewers, 
heaping piles of horse manure and poor 
drainage. Before the discovery of germs, 
people believed that, miasmas—the 
stench from putrefying debris, for exam- 
ple—caused disease. In fact, much of the 
history of medicine, she contends, is a 
history of cleanliness. Romans washed 
their linen in urine because they be- 
lieved it to be medicinal; the 17th centu- 
ry Dutch brushed their teeth with it. Our 
obsession with deodorants and air-fresh- 
enersis a modern turn of events, accord- 
ing to Dobson. We're just thankful she's 
preserved a whiff of history for our kids. 


HOUSING COMPLEX 
In the town of Príbor in the Czech Re- 
public is the house that Sigmund Freud 
was born in. Local officials want to turn 
itintoa museum or almost anything oth- 


ILLUSTRATION BY GARY KELLEY 


er than what it currently is: a massage 
parlor. What vexes them, says one civic 
leader, is the idea of “sexual services be- 
ing offered in the home of our most fa- 
mous son.” True, but at least now they 
clean the couch after each customer. 


SCRUM AGAIN 


Fans of rugby apparently know how to 
tailgate. This year the doubleheader of 
St. Valentine’s Day followed by a Satur- 
day rugby match between England and 
Ireland created a huge demand for the 
morning-aficr contraceptive pill in Dub- 
lin. Local clinics reported that sales of 
the pill shot up 50 percent after the 
weekend. Rugby isa game that is similar 
to American football, only there are 
more ways to score. 


JAW BREAKER 


Under pressure from Washington, the 
GIA has revised its Latin American train- 
ing manual so that it no longer encour- 
ages the use of torture in interrogations. 
An excerpt from the new manual read 
“No violence! If they break the subje 
jaw, he will not be able to answer quc: 
tions.” Yeah, but he won't give you any 
lip, either. 


LIVING COLORS 


As we all know, Martha Stewart's lin- 
ens, towels and latex paints ($15 a gal- 
lon) are going to be sold through Kmart. 
The 256 new paint colors are being pr 
duced by Sherwin-Williams. A mere 
mortal may have had some trouble com- 
ing up with that many shades, but not 
Martha. She sees color everywhere and 
even gets ideas from her pets. “We sat 
with my five cats and three dogs and 
looked through their fur for inspira- 
tion,” she told The Washington Post. “One 
cat alone gave us 13 colors.” Furball 
gray? Ringworm red? Distemper teal? 
Tabby Tootsie Roll? Those who can't get 
enough of Martha should go to a depart- 
ment store to get a glimpse of her pro- 
motional video on how to make a bed 
with hospital corners. We have a feeling 
that it may become a classic contribution 
to obsessive-compulsive literature. 


RAW DATA 


QUOTE 

“I have to go back 
to work. I can't live 
off federal match- 
ing funds forever. ”— 
FORMER PRESIDENTIAL. 
BIDDER PAT BUCHANAN 
ON His RETURN TO 
CNN'S Crossfire AFTER A 
"TWO YEAR ABSENCE. 


FARE PLAY 
Cost of processing 
and delivering a 
standard airline tick- 


et: $8. Cost of рг 


cessing electronic— 
or ticketless—tick- 
eting: 50 cents. 


CHECK'S IN THE JAIL 

In a recent sam- 
pling by the GAO, 
percentage of in- 
mates in county and 
city jails who contin- 
ue to receive SSI checks even though 
they are ineligible to do so: 4. 


OPERATING THEATER 
In a study of 97 episodes of ER, 
Chicago Hope and Rescue 911, percent- 
age of TV patients who received CPR 
and survived: 66. Percentage of CPR 
recipients who survive in real life: 15. 


BACK TO SCHOOL 
Percentage of students in four-year 
colleges who take five years to obtain 
their diplomas: 53. Percentage of un- 

dergrads older than 24: 50. 


A TEST OF FAITH 
According to the research group 
Empty Tomb, Inc., projected number 
of members in ten major U.S. Protes- 
tant churches by the year 2036 if the 
current rate of decline continues: 0. 


WATER WORID 
Percentage of Americans who live 
in counties bordering the Pacific or 
Atlantic oceans, the Gulf of Mexico or 
the Great Lakes: 55. 


SLOW AROUSAL 
In a study of 274 surgery patients, 
the average number of minutes it 


FACT OF THE MONTH 
A car thief or chop shop can 
rack up $45,000 by stripping 
a $15,000 car and selling the 
parts (60 percent of all stolen 
cars are stripped or used in 
another crime). 


took for men to 
awaken from anes- 
thesia: 13. Average. 
number of minutes it 
took for women to 
open their eyes: 7. 


HEARTTHROB 
According to Dr. 
James Muller, lead 
author ofa Journal of 
the American Medical 
Association study, per- 
centage of patients 
whose heart attacks 
are triggered by 
climbing out of bed 
in the morning: 10. 
Percentage of heart 
attacks caused by 

sexual activity: 1. 


TOUR BUSTS 

"The percentage of 
Americans who said 
they are afraid to va- 
cation in the Middle East: 30. Per- 
centage of Americans who would 
avoid Iraq: 18. Percentage who would 
avoid New York City: 18. Percentage 
who are afraid to visit Los Angeles: 
12. Percentage who are afraid to trav- 
el to Russia: 8. Percentage who fear 
Miami: 8. 


HONEY GRAMS 
Approximate value of the six grams 
of gold in an Olympic gold med- 
al: $68. Price fetched last year for a 
gold medal from the 1936 games in 
Berlin: $6500. 


MACRO MANSION 

Number of square feet in the 
dream house being constructed for 
Bill Gates: 35,000. Approximate cost. 
per square foot of Gates' one-bed- 
room guest house: $412. Typical cost 
per square foot of a top-of-the-line 
custom home: $120. 


CELL BRAKE 
In a study of 699 car accidents, per- 
centage of drivers who had been us- 
ing their cellular phones just before 
the crash: 25. Percentage of crashers 
who used their phones to call for 
help: 39. — BETTY SCHAAL 


RUMP ROAST 


How not to make goulash. In a lawsuit 
filed in Budapest, a bus driver claims he 
lost a month's wages after his doctor pre- 
scribed a paprika enema. The driver 
says the burning was so bad he couldn't 
sit down to do his job for weeks. The 
doctor says the man suffered from 
chronic constipation and that he used 
twice as much spice as was prescribed in 
a misguided attempt to speed the cure. 


FIRST-TIME AUTHOR 


If all goes according to plan, this 
month Warner Books will publish Been 
There, Haven't Done That: A Virgin's Mem- 
virs by 96-year-old Tara McCarthy. The 
publisher made certain that McCarthy 
signed a no-sex clause, which reads, 
“The author hereby agrees to remain 
virginal in mind, body and spirit until 
first publication of the work.” We hope 
the book transcends the genre and keeps 
the author from getting fingered by the 
critics. 


GIVING UNTIL IT HURTS 


Goodwill Industries of San Francisco is 
running several new television spots so- 
liciting donations of unwanted items. 
One ad is aired only in select markets: 
Two male hands are shown packing 
away typical man stuff as a voice-over 
intones, "You've packed up your beer 
mugs and hung up your high-tops. Now 
you've got a ring on your finger, floral 
sheets on your bed. You're not one ofthe 
guys anymore." Then the camera pans 
down two muscular legs in high heels as 
the voice says, "In fact, you're not a guy 
anymore." 


JACK, OK. SWISS, NO WAY 


The Sport a Legend condom, which 
this year honors the Green Bay Packers, 
is just a harmless risqué novelty item for 
the die-hard fan. Even so, we'd have sec- 
ond thoughts about slipping into any- 
thing that is made by an outfit called the 
Cheese Head Condom Co. 


THE BUS STOPS HERE 


The remarkable thing about the Bus 
Plunge Web site (www.users.interport. 
net/—tcs/index.html) is not its lengthy 
list of bus accidents but the number of 
wire reports that ran with the words bus 
plunge in the headlines. We also learned 
that although most plunges take place in 
the Third World (recently, 30 people 
were injured when a minivan plunged 
off a precipice in Peru), Norway is the 
global leader for buses that plunge off 
ferries. Helpful tip: If you ride on the 
bumper or on top of a bus, you're likely 
to survive. Which may answer the page's 
editorial query, “How do you fit 30 folks 


in a minivan, anyway?" 


m 


ge” 


MOVIES 


By BRUCE WILLIAMSON 


BASED ON Terrence McNally's Tony 
Award-winning play, Love! Valour! Com- 
passion! (Fine Line) follows a group of 
middle-class gay men through several 
holiday weekends at a country house. 
Joe Mantello directs again, with most of 
the stage cast intact, though Jason Alex- 
ander (of TV's Seinfeld) replaces Nathan 
Lane as Buzz, the avid musical-comedy 
buff who has AIDS. The movie is more 
wordy than cinematic but still works as a 
witty, tragicomic slice of the lives of a 
choreographer (Stephen Bogardus) and 
his friends. Among a slew of flawless per- 
formances, Alexander is a scene-stealer, 
and John Glover retains the glow of his 
"Tony-awarded dual role as the diametri- 
cally opposite Jeckyll twins. While it all 
seemed funnier onstage, it is somehow 
more poignant and intimate in filmed 
close-ups. There’s more male nudity 
here than moviegoers usually see, none 
of it exploited for shock value. In addi- 
tion to being top-of-the-line entertain- 
ment, Love! Valour! Compassion! makes a 
brilliant case against homophobia. ¥¥¥/2 


Dazzling visual effects push The Pillow 
Book (Cinepix) to the limits of English 
writer-director Peter Greenaway's fever- 
ish imagination. A former painter whose 
controversial films include The Draughts- 
man's Contract, Drowning by Numbers and 
The Cook, the Thief, His Wife and Her 
Lover, Greenaway goes overboard with 
this tale of Nagiko (Vivian Wu), a mod- 
ern woman obsessed by an erotic tenth 
century literary classic. Nagiko's fetish- 
ism and kinky proclivities begin in child- 
hood when her father (an eccentric 
calligrapher who annually inscribes 
birthday greetings on her face) consents 
to a homosexual relationship with his 
publisher. By the time she is an adult, 
Nagiko prefers lovers who will write 
things on her body—until a decadent 
English translator named Jerome (Evan. 
McGregor) urges her to turn the tables 
and adorn male flesh, to become the 
painter instead of the painted. Subse- 
quently, Jerome becomes a sort of manu- 
script of erotic poetry, submitting his 
naked torso to the same publisher's 
scrutiny. It all culminates in lots of bare 
flesh, a suicide and several grisly se- 
quences about a male corpse being 
flayed, filleted and reassembled in book 
form. Pillow Book is an eyeful, though 
hardly required reading. YY 

О 


The easy, improvised charms of When 
the Cat's Away (Sony Classics) concern 


22 a single young Frenchwoman named 


Wu and calligrapher: By the Pillow Book. 


Gay guys take a holiday, 
a French girl tracks her cat and 
a beekeeper feels the sting. 


Chloé (Garance Clavel) who finds new 
friends and a new life while searching 
for her lost pet. Because her roommate 
refused to cat-sit during her seaside hol- 
iday, Chloé had left Gris-Gris with Ma- 
dame Renée, a crusty old neighbor lady 
played by Renée Le Calm, one of many 
nonactors who add Gallic zing to writer- 
director Cédric Klapisch's saucy French 
comedy. Much of it is improvised with 
earthy humor, moving from local cafés 
to working-class apartments. When the 
Cat's Away makes the City of Light look 
run-down but grittily romantic. УУУ 


"The last movie in Irish author Roddy 
Doyle's engaging trilogy about life in a 
Dublin neighborhood is The Van (Fox 
Searchlight), a perfect follow-up to The 
Commitments and The Snapper. Colm Mca- 
ney is back in the game, this time as an 
unemployed baker named Larry, who 
joins his pal Bimbo (Donal O’Kelly) to 
operate a fast-food van. The year is 1980 
and Ireland is in the World Cup compe- 
tition, so Larry and Bimbo mostly do 
business outside rowdy soccer matches. 
Peddling fish-and-chips and burgers 
from the back of a ramshackle vehicle. 
the two chums face doubting families 
and their own personality clashes. In 
fact, they scrap so much that Bimbo de- 
stroys the van to save their friendship. 
Stephen Frears, director of The Snapper 
and Dangerous Liaisons, once more catch- 
es the rhythm of Irish working-class soci- 


ety, helped along by fine performers 

who make their day-to-day drudgery 

look droll, convincing and universal. ¥¥¥ 
е 


A head trip in every sense of the word, 
Timothy Leary's Dead (Strand Releasing) 
ends with startling scenes of the LSD gu- 
ru's after-death decapitation—part of 
his plan to have his brain cryogenically 
frozen for the benefit of future genera- 
tions. Otherwise, director Paul Davids’ 
respectful documentary sums up the 
career of the counterculture hero and 
Harvard professor who became a Six- 
ties celebrity by endorsing psychedelic 
drugs. Leary managed to treat his im- 
minent death (from cancer, in 1996) as 
another great adventure. The movie, 
largely a collage of old film clips, is at 
once routine and remarkable. The man's 
life and times merit attention, if you can 
get through that macabre, unsettling cli- 
max without reaching for a barf bag. YY 

e 


The humdrum routine of a beekeeper 
in backwater Florida is interrupted by a 
phone call from his wayward son (Tom 
Wood), who is serving a prison term for 
armed robbery. From that moment on, 
Ulee’s Gold (Orion Classics) gathers steam 
as an intelligent adult suspense drama, 
with an authoritative low-key perfor- 
mance by Peter Fonda as Ulee (short for 
Ulysses). Laconic and more than ever 
like his father, Fonda as Ulee is a quiet 
man who is struggling to make a home 
for his two young granddaughters when 
he is suddenly compelled to bring home 
his unmotherly, drug-addicted daugh- 
ter-in-law (Christine Dunford). Unfortu- 
nately, she has let slip to a pair of crimi- 
nal cohorts that her husband has hidden 
$100,000 on Ulee’s property. The 
amoral duo—played with cold afore- 
thought malice by Steven Flynn and 
Dewey Weber—creates new havoc in an 
already turbulent domestic scene. Only a 
nurse named Connie (a nice turn by Pa- 
tricia Richardson of TV's Home Improve- 
ment) helps Ulee through his ordeal 
Writer-producer-director Victor Nuñez, 
an un-Hollywood moviemaker who pro- 
ceeds at his own confident pace, resolves 
it all without the usual action-film 
clichés. He is a true original rooted in 
down-home American reality. УУУУ. 


This must be what we used to call a 
woman's movie: lots of girl talk woven 
into a plot as light as a feather boa. Wed- 
ding Bell Blues (BMG/Legacy Releasing) 
provides a showcase for Illeana Douglas, 
Julie Warner and Paulina Porizkova as 
three singles who are pushing 30 and 
determined to find husbands during 


A NEW SERIES FROM THE CREATORS OF "TALES FROM THE GRYPT"— 


Perversions oF 


SCIENCE 


REALITY. REDEFINED. 


Special Trilogy Premiere! Saturday, June 7, 10:30 PM ET/PT 
New Episodes to Follow Every Wednesday at 11:00 PM ET/PT 


н IT'S NOT TY ITS HBO 


тр rora hb eom OY Mo 


24 


Chinlund: Self-starter. 


OFF CAMERA 


Some years ago, Nick Chinlund 
commissioned Seth Zvi Rosenfeld 
to write a play for him. When 4 
Brothers Kiss opened in a small 
Manhattan theater, critics raved. 
Now 35, Chinlund is earning acco- 
lades in the movie version, direct- 
ed by Rosenfeld after Nick helped 
raise the financing. "I went to 
some Wall Street friends I knew 
from Brown University, carrying 
Clive Barnes’ New York Post review 
in my pocket,” he recalls. His 
Brothers Kiss role as a needy, hope- 
less drug addict showcased some 
of his ability, but Chinlund does 
more in the action drama Con Air, 
with Nicolas Cage. "I have a fight 
to the death with Cage—you can 
figure out how that ends, since 
he's the star and probably paid un- 
told millions." 

"The actor was raised in East 
Harlem, where his father was an 
Episcopal priest. "My dad knew 
everybody, and he's very hand- 
some—the movie-star version of a 
priest.” Chinlund went to college 
intending to be a lawyer, “but I 
didn't want to study law, so 1 be- 
came an actor.” Years of summer 
theater followed, and he stayed 
away from series television despite 
great reviews for his “skin-crawl- 
ing” stint on an episode of The X- 
Files. “I played a fetishist, a Jeffrey 
Dahmer knock-off.” He also por- 
trays artist Frederic Remington in 
anew TV special called Rough Rid- 
ers and is off to Canada to shoot 
Mr. Magoo, a Disney comedy with 
Leslie Nielsen in the title role. 
“Kelly Lynch and I are a pair of 
jewel thieves pursuing Magoo.” Is 
Chinlund worried about being 
typecast? “No, but when you're on 
your way up, you're either the 
leading man's sidekick or the bad 
guy. I’m not really the sidekick 
type, so I've been bad a lot, but 
I don't think I have an evil face. 
And Magoo vill be the first movie 
I've made that my seven-year-old 
nephew can see." 


2 24-hour junket to Las Vegas. Even if di- 
vorce swiftly follows, at least they'll have 
tied the knot before hitting the big 3-0. 
Stuck with a fairly old-fashioned con- 
cept, director Dana Lustig gives it her 
best shot. The trio of actresses is appeal- 
ing—Porizkova surprisingly vital as a 
pregnant beauty queen—and the men 
they meet are likable foils (John Corbett, 
Charles Martin Smith and Jonathan 
Penner fill the bill). Take it with a grain 
of schmaltz. YY 


A standard domestic drama is worked 
out with fresh, realistic twists in Grind 
(Castle Hill), director Chris Kentis' fea- 
ture debut. It's the inevitable infidelity 
crisis that occurs when a restless guy 
named Eddie (Billy Crudup), after serv- 
ing time in prison, moves in with his 
married brother Terry (Paul Schulze) 
and Terry's sexy wife (Adrienne Shelley). 
Eddie prefers car racing to the daily 
grind in a New Jersey treadmill factory 
where his dad and brother work, so he 
gets on the night shift, which leaves his 
days free to tinker with his hot car and 
his sister-in-law. Grind goes where you'd 
expect, but keeps its sibling rivalry up to 
speed. The best reason to stay with it 
may be Billy Crudup. His charisma con- 
quered Broadway several seasons ago in 
Tom Stoppard's Arcadia, and he's now 
making his mark in movies. ¥¥/2 


Clare Peploe (director Bernardo Ber- 
tolucci's wife) takes on considerably 
more than she can handle as co-author 
and director of Rough Magic (Goldwyn). 
In the course of this bizarre misadven- 
ture, Bridget Fonda plays a magician's 
assistant running around Mexico with a 
roll of film that depicts her fiancé (D.W. 
Moffett) murdering her mentor. She is 
pursued en route by an American re- 
porter played by Russell Crowe, who 
seems to be a good actor in the wrong 
movie. Fonda is way out of her depth as 
the mysterious wonder-working blonde 
who, at one point, transforms a rude 
Mexican lout into a sausage. A small dog 
eats him. Later, Fonda lays a large green 
egg, and the dog talks. To tell more 
might spoil the movie's mind-numbing 
surprises. If this is magic realism, make 
mine vanilla. Y 


A good hour longer, more intense and 
still perhaps the best undersea epic ev- 
er made, director Wolfgang Petersen's 
1982 Das Boot (Columbia) is back in a di- 
rector's cut. Curiously, rapt audiences 
find themselves rooting for a Nazi sub- 
marine crew in Petersen's antiwar tri- 
umph, which launched his Hollywood 
career. Like the reconstituted Star Wars 
trilogy, Das Boot is even better some 15 
years later. УУУУ 


MOVIE SCORE CARD 


capsule close-ups of current films 
by bruce williamson 


Bliss (Reviewed 5/97) Sex therapy for 
a couple of troubled newlyweds. УУУ 
Brassed Off (5/97) British coal miners 
blow their own horns. vvv 
A Brother’s Kiss (6/97) A drugged-up 
petty criminal's sibling is a law-abid- 
ing man in blue. ууу; 
Chasing Ату (6/97) Boy meets lesbian 
but is unable to handle her hetero- 
sexual past. wy 
Children of the Revolution (6/97) Was 
Stalin this Aussie rebel's dad? vv 
Das Boot (See rereview) A German 
submarine epic—harrowing. УУУУ 
Grind (See review) Sharp showcase for 
Billy Crudup, who seduces his broth- 
er's wife. LUA 
Intimate Relations (6/97) A three-way 
with mom, teenager and sexy British 
lodger. wy 
Inventing the Abbotts (5/97) Crudup 
again, this time wooing a rich man’s 


daughters. Wy 
Kissed (6/97) Weird woman digs dead 
guys with erections. ¥ 


Love! Valour! Compassion! (See review) 
Gay like the play, and a winner. ¥¥¥/2 
Nightwatch (6/97) Serial sex maniac 
does his creepy dirty work in a city 
morgue. yyy 
Paradise Road (6/97) In a prison camp, 
women organize a chorus. EDDA 
The Pillow Book (See review) Green- 
away's kinky tale of body art. YY 
Rough Magic (See review) A flounder- 
ing Bridget Fonda weaves no spell. Y 
Shall We Dance (6/97) Japanese man 
finds joie de vivre in a ballroom. YYY 
Temptress Moon (6/97) Gong Li heads a 
dynasty hooked on opium. ууу; 
Timothy Leary's Dead (Sce review) Ab- 
sorbing—but, oh, that head trip. YY 
Traveller (6/97) Scamming with two 
Irish American con men. LUZ 
Twin Town (6/97) A pair of incorrigible 
brothers raise hell in Wales. yy 
Ulee's Gold (See review) Peter Fonda is 
all abuzz as a beekeeper in domestic 
jeopardy. vun 
The Van (See review) Fast-food wagon 
has Irish buddies hopping. Wy 
Wedding Bell Blues (See review) Hus- 
band hunting in Las Vegas. yy 
When the Cat's Away (See review) Fresh 
French comedy about a woman's re- 
warding search for her lost pet. ¥¥¥ 


УУУУ Don't miss 
YYY Good show 


¥¥ Worth a look 
¥ Forget it 


VIDEO 


When it comes to 

choosing his favorite 

videos, Rip Torn is of 

two minds. The vet- 

eran stage, screen 

and TV thespian's 

taste ranges from 

[ Marcel Carné's epic 

Parisian love story, 

Children of Paradise, to the complete Hon- 
eymooners collection (“I love the whole 
gang," he says, "especially Audrey Mead- 
ows"). But Torn says his vid viewing is al- 
so subject to the whims of his alter ego, 
Artie, the cranky producer on The Larry 
Sanders Show. "| have my own favorites," 
insists Artie, “like all of Sinatra's concert 
videos. | also like Hume Cronyn's sadistic 
captain in Brute Force, not to mention Ster- 
ling Hayden's country thug and Sam 
Jaffe's lecher in The Asphalt Jungle. Oh, 
and one last thing," Artie adds. "Though I 
don't like him much as a person, | love the 
work of Rip Torn." — SUSAN PICKIN 


VIDBITS 


Fighting Nazis on skis? First Run Fea- 
tures’ compelling documentary Fire on 
the Mountain ($29.95) tells the story of the 
U.S. Army's Tenth Mountain Division, 
the elite corps of climbers and skiers who 
constituted America's only winter war- 
fare unit to fight in World War Two. Pro- 
gram includes interviews with surviving 
members, archival clips and a dramatic 
1995 reunion between Yanks and Nazis 
atop Italy's Riva Ridge. . . . Flashback of 
the month: Fleetwood Mac: The Early Years 
(Rhino, $19.98) tracks the first family’s 
house band back to its 1967 formation 
under the steady beat of drummer Mick 
Fleetwood. The tuneful scrapbook in- 
cludes rare concert footage, replays of 
classic hits (including Black Magic Woman 
and Oh, Well) and a 1969 performance of 
Rattlesnake Shake on TV's Playboy After 
Dark—complete with an intro by Hef. 
Looking good, boss. 


VID NOIR 


A lot of movies with bad lighting call 
themselves film noir. But genuine noir 
has femmes fatales, hard-boiled heroes 
and atmosphere thick with mystery and 
murder. Here’s the real stuff: 

The Maltese Falcon (1941): The prototype. 
Private eye Sam Spade (Humphrey Bo- 
gart) uncovers swindle in which double- 
crossers hunt for titular bird statue. John 
Huston’s first directorial effort was nom- 
inated for three Academy Awards 

Double indemnity (1944): Ball of fire Bar- 
bara Stanwyck uses sex appeal to get 


goody-two-shoes insurance salesman 
Fred MacMurray to throw her oilman 
hubby from a train. Inspired the 1981 
Hurt-Turner sweatfest Body Heat. 

Lady in the Lake (1946): The characters 
talk to the lens, as unseen gumshoe 
Philip Marlowe gets punched and 
kissed, smokes cigarettes, shoots guns 
and tears ass in a high-speed chase. 

The Big Clock (1948); Time is running out 
on crime reporter Ray Milland, who is 
investigating the murder of his publish- 
er's (Charles Laughton's) mistress. The 
bummer: All clues point to Milland. 
Out of the Past (1947): Private dick Robert. 
Mitchum can't keep his dick private 
when moll Jane Greer comes near. Too 
bad, because she's the embezzling 
squeeze of gangster Kirk Douglas. 

The Postman Always Rings Twice (1946): 
Lovers Lana Turner and John Garfield 
bump off Turner's husband—then all 
hell breaks loose. Despite the censored 
script, it still outsizzles the explicit 1981 
remake with Lange and Nicholson. 
Blood Simple (1984): Sleaze hires slimeball 
to kill his wife and her boyfriend. The 
Coen brothers' first feature adds quirk 
to noir, then throws in a knotty plot and 
plenty of gore. Stars M. Emmet Walsh 
and Frances McDormand. 

The Last Seduction (1994): Tough-talking 
Linda Fiorentino injects the Forties noir 
heroine with Nineties hormones, as she 
uses sex to sucker a small-town denizen 
into helping her dodge vengeful hus- 
band Bill Pullman. 

Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid (1982): Play it 
again, Sam. Bogey's Spade returns— via 


X-RATED 
VIDEO OF 
THE MONTH: 


Director Michael 
Zen seems to have 
а knack for squeez- 
ing searing adult 
action into classic 


literary forms. This 

time it’s mytholo- 

gy. In Satyr (Wick- 

ed Pictures), half- 

animals and whole 

babes romp around 

a mystical nether- 

world, humping their furry hides off. A wild 
ride for both the horny and horned. Jenna 
Jameson stars. 


comically juxtaposed clips—as Steve 
Martin’s assistant in clever noir send-up. 
Directed by Carl Reiner. —8Uzz MCCLAIN 


LASER FARE 


Independent filmmaker Frank LaLog- 
gia's spine-tingler Lady in White (1988) 
has been decked out in a remastered di- 
rector's cut from Elite Entertainment 
($60). All about a schoolboy who witness- 
es an apparition, the film delivers top- 
notch willies despite its tame PG-13 
label. Other pluses include: six min- 
utes of previously deleted footage, a new 
Dolby Digital 5.1 audio track, behind- 
the-scenes scenes and commentary by 
LaLoggia. — GREGORY P FAGAN 


Jerry Maguire (smarmy sports agent Cruise needs pugno- 
cious jock to survive; Cubo Gooding earns his Oscar), The 
People vs. Larry Flynt (diapered Harrelson and stoned Love 
hove day in court; Milos Forman's ode to free speech). 


idie MacDov 


Scream (slasher movie fans duel knife-wielding psycho in 
Wes Craven's sharp self-parody), Bastard Out of Carolina 
(poor Southern sisters endure stepdad's abuse; Anjelico 
Huston's brutal directorial debut). 


SLEEPER 


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MUSIC 


ROCK 


LIVES FRONT MAN, Edward Kowalczyk, 
has an amazing instinct for keeping a 
balance between mystery and accessibili- 
ty, humor and drama, all while kicking 
out the jams. Often compared (favorably 
and unfavorably) with U2 and R.E.M., 
Live appears to be moving more toward. 
the Doors. The band's third album, Se- 
cret Samadhi (Radioactive), has all the 
trappings of rock-and-roll mysticism. Its 
imagery is drawn from the stars and 
from the human body in starting, Jim 
Morrison-like juxtapositions. I rank 
them up there among the heavyweight 
contenders. —CHARLES M. YOUNG. 


In 1972, a few years before the advent 
of punk, Iggy and the Stooges were con- 
vulsive, explosive and gut-wrenching. 
Their Bowie-produced album, Raw Pow- 
er, bewildered almost everybody at the 
time. It was too primal to be artsy, too 
apolitical and vulgar to be accepted by 
hippies or progressive rockers. Now Ig- 
gy Pop has remixed Raw Power (Colum- 
bia/Legacy) to reflect how the band real- 
ly sounded. James Williamson's guitars 
come slamming out of your speakers, 
vividly highlighting the sophisticated 
songwriting of Search and Destroy and 
Gimme Danger. W's a tribute to the time- 
lessness of great rock that the most po- 
tent album of the decade, since Nir- 
vana’s Nevermind, is a gem resurrected 
from 25 years ago. —VIC GARBARINI 


England's Chemical Brothers have 
moved into next-big-thing territory. 
"Their new Dig Your Own Hole (Astral- 
werks) is unrelentingly up-tempo in a 
humorous rather than punishing way. 
They abjure guitars but not guitar 
sounds, which they unite with hectic 
dance beats. They are also capable of de- 
tached lyricism and the occasional laugh. 
Nonvocal music rarely goes pop, but 
give the Chemical Brothers credit for 
trying. — ROBERT CHRISTGAU 


JAZZ 


A perfectionist, a master of the record- 
ing studio and an all-around control 
freak, Frank Sinatra hasn't authorized 
many live albums. So the release of Live in 
Australia, 1959 (Blue Note) isn't one of 
those times when a label exploits a musi- 
cian past his prime. In fact, this hour 
with the Red Norvo Quintet is regarded 
by connoisseurs as one of Sinatra's finest 
club sets ever, far superior to the Paris 
performance Reprise put out in 1994. 
Its characteristic tempo is a confident, 
medium-fast swing. It breathes unforced 
optimism into such signature standards 


28 as All of Me, Night and Day and Гое Got 


Secret Samadhi: Live. 


Frank Sinatra, Woody 
Guthrie, early Aretha Franklin 
and a bucket of blues. 


You Under My Skin. Those who thrill to 
every detail of Sinatra’s voice may be 
slightly disappointed by the audio quali- 
ty, but the rest of us will find it superb. 
For the jazz-inclined, and for anyone 
else who finds Sinatra's studio arrange- 
ments too ornately pop, the easy, eco- 
nomical freedom of these renditions 
should prove perfect. —ROBERT CHRISTGAU 


R&B 


Why would an artist brag that she had 
rejected tracks Babyface produced for 
her? Maybe because she wants us to see 
her asa rebel. 

‘To some degree, Laurnea's Betta Listen 
(Yab Yum/Epic) is off the beaten track. 
Like Maxwell and Erykah Badu, she 
tries to work outside the sample-heavy 
hip-hop of so many hit acts. Omar Lye- 
Fook handles the production on two 
cuts, providing a sheen that is reminis- 
cent of the Brand New Heavies. Speech, 
late of Arrested Development, also pro- 
duced two cuts, Have You Ever and Days 
of Youth, that have the smart and sensitive 
feel of his best work. DJ Kemit, another 
Arrested Development alumnus, created 
the title track as well as the moody Sun 
Don't Rain. Laurnea has carved out a 
strong direction for herself, but this 12- 
song collection isn't as successful as it 
should be. 

Aretha Franklin: The Eorly Yeors (Colum- 
bia/Legacy) collects 14 songs from her 
first nongospel recordings. These per- 


formances precede her glorious soul 
years at Atlantic, so they're not as confi- 
dent or focused as her classic recordings. 
The material wanders from show tunes 
to jazz, but the linchpin is still her re- 
markable voice. —NELSON GEORGE 


Imagine Johnny Mathis if he'd been 
an R&B singer with pop touches, rath- 
er than a pop singer, and you have Wal- 
ter Jackson: Welcome Home (Epic/Legacy). 
Jackson, a balladeer, had one of the 
‘sweetest voices in soul. —DAVE MARSH 


FOLK 


This Land Is Your Land (Smithsonian 
Folkways) is a title that sounds like a folk 
music cliché, which is unfortunate. This 
is truly classic folk music by Woody 
Guthrie, and an important historical re- 
lease as well. It contains three versions of 
This Land, one of which is the previously 
unissued demo, on which Woody sings 
its most radical verse (about “private 
property”). There are also traditional 
songs (Gypsy Davy, Picture From Life's Oth- 
er Side), topical songs, versions of many 
of Guthrie's classics (Pastures of Plenty, 
Do-Re-Mi, Jesus Christ, Hobo's Lullaby) and 
all manner of comedy (including Phila- 
delphia Lawyer and a great Talking Fishing 
Blues). For those who have half-forgotten 
Bob Dylan, let alone his role model, This 
Land is a wake-up call. —DAVE MARSH. 


COUNTRY 


The light shining down Bob Wood- 
ruff's Desire Road (Imprint) comes most- 
ly from soul singer Arthur Alexander. 
Woodruff covers two Alexander ballads, 
Everyday I Have to Cry and If It's Really Got 
to Be This Way. A product of Greenwich 
Village, Woodruff dips back into his ur- 
ban roots for Out of the Blue. Adding to 
the country pathos is Woodruff’s gui- 
tarist, James Burton (of Elvis Presley and 
Gram Parsons fame), playing his first 
Sessions since a near-fatal illness. 

It's one for the money, two for the 
show, three to get ready and where did 
all the radio stations go? Rockabilly leg- 
end Carl Perkins is hurt that radio ig- 
nored his 17-track compilation Go Cat Go! 
(Dinosaur Entertainment, 825 Girod St., 
New Orleans, LA 70113). It’s a passion- 
ate effort that includes new material pro- 
duced by Paul McCartney, George Har- 
rison and Tom Petty as well as archival 
tracks of Blue Suede Shoes performed by 
John Lennon and Jimi Hendrix. The 
most evocative new song is Rockabilly Mu- 
sic, a swampy account of Perkins’ early 
years on the road. And there are no out- 
of-work guest stars on Give Me Back My. 
Job. Petty, Johnny Cash, Bono and Willie 


Nelson trade off on lead vocals. The par- 
ticipation of so many admirers on Go Cat 
Go! reconfirms the country-blues legend 
of Carl Perkins. — DAVE HOEKSTRA 


Sally Timms, who doubles as Cowboy 
Sally on a Turner Network kiddie show, 
has issued a best-of disc from her peri- 
odic EPs: five country songs, every one 
played for soul. The title? Cowboy Sal- 
ly, natch. (Bloodshot, 912 W. Addison, 
Chicago, IL 60613). —ROBERT CHRISTGAU 


BLUES 


In 1991 a label dedicated to chron- 
icling the spirit of Southern blues sprang 
up in Oxford, Mississippi, just a chicken- 
neck's throw from where Robert John- 
son and Muddy Waters honed their 
chops. In Mississippi roadhouses and 
juke joints, the label discovered an aston- 
ishing array of talented musicians, many 
in their 60s and early 70s. The Best of Fot 
Possum (Fat Possum/Capricorn) is a 
thrilling, vital document of the living 
blues. Septuagenarian R.L. Burnside's 
relentless, hypnotic riffs are positively 
orgasmic (also see review below). The 
other five artists here, all of whom have 
complete records available, are equally 
mesmerizing. —VIC GARBARINI 


If you like your blues messy and ener- 
getic, check out R.L. Burnside's Mr. Wiz- 
ard (Fat Possum/Epitaph). Burnside be- 
lieves in finding three chords on his 
distorted guitar and then beating the 
crap out of them until he feels like doing 
something else. B.B. King fans will won- 
der what thc hell is going on, but garage 
rock fans will hear the Second Coming. 

— CHARLES M. YOUNG 


There's a country blues revival going 
on again—but this one's different: Corey 
Harris, Keb' Mo' and Alvin Youngblood 
Hart represent the first generation of 
young black men to reinvent Delta styles. 
On Harris’ second album, Fish Ain't Bitin” 
(Alligator), those terms include refresh- 
ing takes on the likes of Preaching Blues 
and Frankie and Johnnie. — —DAVE MARSH 


CLASSICAL 


Erik Satie's music can sometimes 
sound mawkish or trite. But the French 
composer was actually quite unsenti- 
mental. Gnossiennes (Philips) and Danses 
gothiques (Philips), two current Satie re- 
leases by pianist Reinbert de Lecuw, are 
starkly modern and precise. 

Bei uns um die Gedächtniskirche rum (Lis- 
tening Room) is clearly the best CD of 
Berlin cabaret music ever released. With 
surprising sound fidelity, these original 
recordings from the Twenties are deca- 
dent, fatalistic and wonderful. Marlene 
Dietrich and Lotte Lenya never sound- 
ed so good. —LEOPOLD FROEHLICH 


FAST TRACKS 


OCKMETER 


Garbarini 


George | Marsh | Young 


9 8 


10 10 


Y 7 7 7 


8 8 y 8 


Iggy and the 
Stooges 
Row Power 


Frank Sinatra 
Live in Austrolio, 
1959 


BANANA-AND-PEANUT BUTTER SAND- 
WICH DEPARTMENT: Early this summer, 
Elvis became a theme restaurant in 
Memphis. Situated on Beale Street in 
a building where the King shopped 
for clothes, the Elvis Restaurant seats 
300. Naturally, there is a retail shop. 
According to Priscilla Presley, it is Elvis’ 
kind of place, but there is no word yet 
if his food favorites will grace the menu. 

REELING AND ROCKING: Ice-T is shoot- 
ing a pilot for NBC that he wrote 
called Players. . . - Stairway to Heaven: 
Led Zeppelin Uncensored, a $40 million 
Cinematic tell-all by the band's former 
manager, is in the works. . . . Quincy 
Jones plans to turn his CD Q.’s Jook 
Joint into a movie, a period piece 
about a romance that takes place in a 
Southern juke joint. . . . Poul McCartney 
is teaming up again with the director 
of The Beatles Anthology to make a doc- 
umentary about his post-Beatles ca- 
reer that will mix music and inter- 
views. . . . Movie director Jim Jarmusch 
is editing a Neil Young and Crazy Horse 
documentary that includes footage 
from the band's 1996 tour and his- 
toric clips. . . . Former Twisted Sister Dee 
Snider is shooting Helltown, which he 
also wrote. . . . Ace producer Don Was, 
who is working with both the Stones 
and Richie Sambora, is set to direct a 
feature film based on Harry Crews’ nov- 
el The Knockout Artist. 

NEWSBREAKS: If you're in New York 
on June 14 and 15, get out to Ran- 
dall’s Island for the first American 
Fleadh festival. What's that, you ask? 
It refers to an Irish fest that goes on 
every summer on the old sod. The 
New York weekend includes Van Morri- 
son, Sinéad O'Connor, Natalie Merchant, 
the Chieftains and our current favorite 
unknown (in America, that is) band, 
the Big Geraniums. . . . Blockbuster is 


planning a big concert on June 21 at 
the Texas International Raceway star- 
ring Bush, No Doubt, the Wollflowers, 
Jewel, Counting Crows and Collective Soul. 
The best part? It's free. ... One other 
festival note: The third annual Rock- 
port Rhythm and Blues fest will be 
held this year at Fort Adams State 
Park in Newport, Rhode Island be- 
ginning on July 25. Aretha Franklin, 
Patti LaBelle, the Neville Brothers, Ben E. 
King, Ruth Brewn and Jerry Butler are 
among the artists appearing. . . . Sha- 
nia Twain is planning a fall tour in con- 
junction with the release of her third 
album. ... ~ "The Art of War is the title of 
the next Bone-Thugs-N-Harmony album. 
Look for it this month. . .. The Hard 
Rock Cafe is branching out into 
records, TV and concerts. The rec- 
ords are a joint venture with Rhino. 
Hard Rock Live will debut on VHI, and 
a concert tour will feature guitar phe- 
nom Jonny Lang, who has been playing 
at the clubs. . . . Attorney Leon Round- 
tree has opened the first R&B Hall of 
Fame, at his Berkeley, California club. 
Roundtree has been collecting memo- 
rabilia since 1981 and would be hap- 
py to include contributions from the 
public. . . . Speaking of R&B, Aretha 
Franklin is working on her autobiog- 
raphy with David Ritz, who has written 
fine books with B.B. King, Ray Charles 
and Etta James. . . . The day after the 
Grammys, R. Kelly brought together 
20 celebrities to sing a song he wrote 
for the AIDS benefit album Red, Hot & 
R&B. . . . Boyz Il Men's Nate Morris has 
opened a unisex hair salon in Phila- 
delphia. The band's next CD is sched- 
uled for September. . . . Check out 
Rock & Rap Confidential's Web site at 
www.rockrap.com/rockrap for the Hid- 
den History of Rock and Rap 1983-1997 
and be in the know. —BARBARA NELLIS 


Advertisement, 


ven on days when the clouds didn't hang low and grey 

and pour rain so fast and hard it fell sideways, the old 

two lane road from Chalmers to Lake Larsen was dan- 
gerous. Liz had read the stories in the Chalmers Trib; cars 
pulling boats on trailers narrowly missing collisions with 
trucks and motorcyclists going too fast around the switch 
back curves. One poor soul or another always running into 
trouble on the old road. The local experts complained the 
road was just too narrow, but the state officials who came 
down in their fancy suits and hard hats to inspect the situa- 
tion seemed to think the road didn't get enough traffic to 
warrant spending state funds to widen the lanes. Only 
boaters hauling their speedboats up to the lake and back, 
and secret lovers on their way to a rendezvous at the Larsen 
Lodge used the road, they said. It was classic big city arro- 
gance if you asked anybody who knew something about any- 
thing in Chalmers. And now, here she was, behind the wheel 
of her little hatchback on the little two-laner those fancy city 
engineers didn't think needed improving. And it was raining 
Hard. “Hah,” Liz said to herself as she set the wipers to high, 
"those hard hats ought to take a look at the road today! If 
they could even see it" 


he wipers didn't help matters much. The blades were 
Т: and just pushed the sheets of rain back and forth, 

keeping time with the music on the radio. It was Bill's 
fault, of course, the wipers not working. Husbands are sup- 
posed to take care of things like clogged drains and light 
switches that don't work and windshield wiper blades too 
dull to do anything. But all Bill ever did when she brought 
these things to his attention was get a puzzled look on his 
face and make some vague promise about getting to it later. 
It was always later with Bill. Liz had told him about the wipers, 
a thousand times if it was once, and now there she was still 
10 miles from the lake and the lodge, the rain falling so hard 
and thick she could barely make out the red taillights of the 


© Philip Morris Inc. 1996 


Ultima: 1 mg "tar; 0.1 mg nicotine Ultra Lights: § mg "tar; 0.4 mg 
nicotine—Kings: В mg "tar; 0.6 mg nicotine av. per cigarette by FIC method, 


car ahead. Or was it a truck? Liz couldn't tell. it would serve 
Bill right if something happened to her, Liz thought. But that 
would mean disappointing Johnny, who was probably 
already half-crazed with worry as he waited in the room for 
her at the Lodge. And Liz didn't want to do that. 


iz met Johnny Buehler at the boating supply store she 
| 55 at Tuesdays and Thursdays. Usually, she just did 

the book keeping for old man Bruch, and didn't have 
much contact with the store's customers. But sometimes old 
Bruch would excuse himself for an errand, most likely to 
Sansone's Bar on the corner, and leave the store to Liz. 
Johnny was new in town, having just rented the old 
Thurstone place on the north end of Lake Larsen. But he had 
already caused quite a stir among the locals. True, Johnny 
was not like most folks in Chalmers. He was worldly. 
Sophisticated. Liz thought he was the most handsome man 
she had ever seen; he was like a movie star, right there in 
Chalmers, driving around in his silver-blue convertible. 


t was about a month after Johnny had arrived in Chalmers 

that Liz finally had a chance to meet the man with the 

blinding smile and dark good looks. He had come in look- 
ing for new deck cleats for his boat —a 36-foot speed demon 
that had only increased the townspeople's jealous curiosity. 
Liz's best friend, Gretchen, said the boat was too flashy and 
made too much noise on the lake. "Doug says it scares all 
the snapper and perch right out of the lake," said Cretchen 
relaying her husband's grumblings. Liz thought it was exciting, 
the kind of boat to enjoy the wind blowing through your hair 
and a martini or two. Not that Liz had ever had a martini. But 
what else does one sip while on a huge speedboat with the 
most beautiful man in the world at the helm? Liz rang up the 
cleats on the new computerized cash register, as Johnny 
offered up a few casual pleasantries with her. He commented 
on the weather (glorious), the town (quaint), and Liz's 
hair (beautiful). 


SURGEON GENERAL'S WARNING: Cigarette 


Smoke Contains Carbon Monoxide. 


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ERIT 


WIRED 


ALL WORK—AND SOME PLAY 


If you're looking for a decaf way to stay 
awake while crunching numbers on your 
PC, check out Movie CD. This CD-ROM 
software is the first to take advantage of 
Motion Pixels, a technology that delivers 
full-screen video on an ordinary com- 
puter without the need for a special 
video board. All that's required is a 486 
or faster PC equipped with at least a 
double-speed CD-ROM drive. Image 
quality falls slightly short of VHS stan- 
dards, but the range of titles and the low 
cost per disc ($10 to $20 each) make 
Movie CDs a smart choice for those who 


might use them in place ofan extra VCR 
in the bedroom, or to run entertainment 
on a small screen while working on a 
computer. Another great use? To kill 
time during air travel. Just pop a Movie 
CD into a multimedia notebook, put on 
headphones and enjoy private screen- 
ings of such Hollywood hits as The Mask, 
Seven and The Player. Sirius Publishing, 
the creator of Movie CD, promises 500 
titles before the end of the year. Look for 
TV compilations, rock concerts, docu- 
mentaries and special-interest subjects. 


TV HANG-UPS 


If you're planning to move your Picasso 
to make room for one of the new plasma 
TVs, do your homework. At least half 
a dozen manufacturers, including Mit- 
subishi, Philips, Panasonic and Pioneer, 
have shown variations of this flat-screen, 
wall-hanging television. Starting at 21 
inches, the futuristic sets measure three 
to four inches thick, weigh less than 70 
pounds and are expected to cost about 
$10,000 when introduced for consumers 
within the next two years. (Modified 21- 
and 42-inch professional sets by San 


32 Francisco-based ОЕТУ are already avail- 


able in limited editions in the Hammach- 
er Schlemmer catalog for $15,000 and 
$25,000.) We were able to see plasma 
televisions at the 1997 
Consumer Electronics 
Show in Las Vegas. Al- 
though the trim designs 
were impressive, we were 
disappointed with the pic- 
ture quality, which seemed 
hazy compared with what 
you get from today's di- 
rect-view and rear-projec- 
tion TVs. We are also told 
first-generation plasma 
sets won't be compatible 
with HDTV, which is re- 
portedly just a year away. 
Something to think about. 


CAR TUNES 


Some cool new features are showing up 
in car stereos. Pioneer has introduced a 
51-disc CD changer that uses voice rec- 
ognition to switch discs. Just say "Wall- 
flowers," and this $850 trunk-based ma- 
chine will find the selection and play it 
Blaupunkt’s Las Vegas CD receiver has a 
function called Tuner Timer, which au- 
tomatically tunes in to your favorite ra- 
dio programs from a CD or cassette 


player, from another radio station or 
from оғғ. The price: $400. Alpine's $400 
3DE-7985 three-disc CD changer is an 


in-dash model that has a nine-second ac- 
cess time—the fastest of any changer to 
date. And for the security-conscious, 
Kenwood has introduced a line of car 
CD and cassette players with self-vanish- 
ing faceplates. Unlike the removable 
kind, which typically get stashed in a 
pocket or a briefcase, these faceplates 
never leave the dashboard. Instead, you 
press a button on the control panel and 
two motorized arms lift and turn the 
faceplate, leaving a blank panel exposed. 
Prices range from $330 to $550. 


— —— WILD THINGS  — 


Looks aren't everything, but we have to admit the slick LCD panel on Rotel's RR990 uni- 
versal learning remote control (pictured below) cought our eye. The $200 gadget con- 
trols up to eight home-enterioinment components, clearly marked on the backlit dis- 
ploy. It tokes obout 15 minutes for basic programming, 

but couch spuds might want to take advantage of the 
RR990's “learning” function, which lets you pro- 
grom a single button to execute a string of up to 
ten commands, i.e., to turn on the TV, DSS receiv- 
er, audio tuner and VCR simultaneously. To safe- 
guard your efforts, Rotel has included a backup 
battery in the remote that kicks in when the AAs 
run out. ~ Attention Webheads: If you're think- 
ing about setting up your own live camera site 
on the Net, check out the Earth Cam Internet 
Camera. This $700 digital color shooter 
[with a 28.8-kbps modem) connects to a 
phone line for transmission of live video 
images to any PC or server on the Net. No 
computer hookup is needed, just a 110V 
power source and a standard phone 
line. € The new multimedia keyboard 
on Hewlett Packard’s 7330Z, 7350P 
and 7370V Pavilion computers fea- 
tures a one-touch button that lounch- 
es you directly onto the Net. Buy one 
of these powerful mochines ond 
you also gel five free hours of on- 
line time per month, for six 
months. Prices start ot $2000 for 
PCs featuring 166-megohertz Pen- 
tium MMX chips ond 32 megs of. 
RAM. Fast and convenient. 


WHERE & HOW TO BUY ON PAGE 152. 


1957 
~ STUDEBAKER 
GOLDEN HAWK 
- 4 | 


‘Shown slightly larger than actual size 
4; 8 / In length). 
or not: All photos depict = 
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Studebaker is one of the great names in replica of this striking luxury-touring car, 


the history of the American automobile an American classic...the 1957 Studebaker 
industry. Ever since the first car rolled off Golden Hawk. = 
the assembly line in 1902, Studebakers N — eren ee 
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their engineering excellence and stun- You can acquire the 1957 Studebaker 2 
ning good looks. Golden Hawk from the Danbury Mint for 
In 1957, the factory released the master- just $105, payable in four convenient 
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supercharged V-8, lavish interior appoint- your replica, return your Reservation 
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The dials and gauges are 
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The Danbury Mint RESERVATION APPLICATION Send no money now. 
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SUMMER CHILLERS 


What is it about summer that brings out the thriller instinct? 
"Those long, lazy days? Sunshine-zonked testosterone? Here 
are half a dozen novels filled with dangerous adventures and 
exotic scenery: In Meg (Doubleday), Steve Al- 
ten dares us to go back into the water with 
60-foot prehistoric megalodon 
sharks that could eat 
Jaws for lunch. Stephen 
Cannell updates The 
Sting with masterful 
scams and complex plot 
twists to make King Con 
(Morrow) one of the best 
grifter stories in years. The 
sinister brotherhood of 
Mafia drug smuggling in 
Palermo is infiltrated by Ger- 
ald Seymour in Killing Ground 
(Harper Collins). In Dark 
Homecoming (Pocket), Eric Li 
bader travels through the erotic 
underworld of Miami Beach, 
where a retired New York cop 

meets a new breed of psychopath. Gary Jennings offers an- 
other meticulously researched epic of Mexican history, Aztec 
Autumn (Forge), which is a sequel to his best-selling Aztec. And, 
finally, Philip Kerr, who has been dubbed “Michael Crichton's 
smarter brother,” brings us Esau (Henry Holt), the think- 
ing man's technothriller that swirls around the discovery 
of a missing link in the Himalayas. These things that go 
bump in the night are like eating peanuts. Once you start, 
you can't stop. —DIGBY DIEHL 


Sharks run amok. 


MAGNIFICENT 
OBSESSIONS 


Take these out to the ball game: 
The Glory of Their Times (Quill), by Lawrence Ritter: The 
1927 Yankees of baseball books. The Great American Novel 
(Random House), by Philip Roth: Forgo Ahab. The woeful 
tale of the Ruppert Mundys is our real epic. The Bill James 
Historical Baseball Abstract (Villard): Proves empirically that 
Mickey Manile was better than Willie Mays. Eight Men Out 
(Henry Holt), by Eliot Asinof: How the Black Sox tanked the 
1919 World Series. Ty 
Cobb (Oxford), by Charles 
Alexander: The authorita- 
five bio, in which the 
Georgia Peach pistol- 
whips a man who sold his 
wife a bad piece of fish. 
American Baseball (Penn 
State), by David Voigt: 
The three-volume defini. 
five histary af the nation- 
al pastime. A true mas- 
terpiece. Some Champions 
(Collier), by Ring Lardner: 
Exiraordirary writing 
fram the dead-ball ero. 
—LEOPOLD FROEHLICH 


IIS SHO EN A 
Barnes & Noble, the nation's largest bookseller, is 
throwing down the gauntlet to Amazon.com, the most 
successful bookstore on the Internet. Barnes & Noble 
hopes to jump-start its late entrance into cyberspace 
by marketing directly to 8 million AOL subscribers, us- 
ing the clout of its 433 superstores. The Seattle-based 
Amazon.com began selling books on the Web in 
1995 and presently boasts swift delivery of 2.5 million 
titles, including out of print and hard to find books. 
Amazon.com has also launched Match/Maker, the first 
personalized recommendation service on the Web. 
Readers will benefit from competing features on the two 
Web sites, including easy database browsing, multiple 
reviews and e-mail updates on new books. While the gi- 
ants battle it out, Book Stacks Unlimited continues to of- 
fer a modest 425,000 titles, and Borders, the Avis of the 
bookstore world, has revitalized its sleepy Web site to 
compete in the 21st century. 


BEACH-BLANKET READING 


How many summers have you dragged War and Peace to the 
beach? This time you should actually read it. Why? The new 
Anna Karenina movie is out and chances are good that, like Jane 
Austen and Shakespeare, Tolstoy 
will be hot. Anna Dunnigan's 
Signet translation is a 1455-page 
paperback that will keep you go- 
ing past Labor Day. Then there 
are the books you can put 
down—and pick up again: Gore 
Vidal's Myra Breckinridge and My- 
ron (Vintage), Henry Miller's 
Tropic of Cancer (Grove) and 
Mario Puzo's The Godfather 
(Signet). Harold Robbins' best, A 
Stone for Danny Fisher (Pocket), will 
keep you riveted. Two contemporary mysteries are worth 
some sand in the binding: The Ax (Mysterious) by Donald E. 
Westlake, about a man so desperate to get a job that he'll do 
anything, and John Lescroart's Guilt (Dela- 

corte), which centers on a 
San Francisco attorney 
who thinks he's smart 
enough to get away with 
murder. —DIGBY DIEHL 


ON SAFARL 


THE CALL OF THE WILD: 
Renowned for his ability 10 cop- 
ture motion in his sketches, 
LeRoy Neimon sets off for equa- 
torial Africa in his newest book, 
On Safari (Abrams). The artist 
travels acrass the savanna and 
sets up camp along the pic- 
turesque Mara River, where the 
African Queen was filmed in 1951. 
He dedicates this painting safari to 
the big five: lion, elephant, cape 
buffala, rhinoceros and leopord. “Drawing animals must be an 
honest undertaking,” says Neiman. “Their freedom is contagious. It 
gets to you and maintains its hald.” We could say the same thing 
abaut this collection. —HELEN FRANGOULIS 


“Mr. Jenkins knows from personal experience 
that properly warmed up, the diva is indeed capable 
of hitting some very high notes." 


rst Co. Now York. NY 


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36 


HEALTH & FITNESS 


SUCK IT UP 


You sidle up to the bar, but in- 
stead of ordering a cold mari 
ni you ask for a tangerinc-fla- 
vored oxygen. Thar's the main 
item on the menu at the new 
O, Spa Bar in New York's City's 
Soho neighborhood. For $16 
at the bar or $20 in a private 
room, you can enjoy a 20- 
minute "hit" of pure Os 
straight up or flavored with 
shots of lemon, lime, guava or 
other fruits. Co-owner Lissa 
Charron, who opened the first 
О» Spa Bar in Toronto last year, is careful not to make any 
medical claims. She does, however, say that the typical session 
can “increase stamina, relieve stress and make you feel as 
though you had a really great run.” Dr. John Parks Trow- 
bridge, a Houston physician who's been conducting rescarch 
into the benefits of oxygen, says, "It's the most natural nutri- 
ent in the world, so there's rarely any harm breathing it in 
pure form." But he does warn that if you feel too good after a 
session, it may be a sign that something is amiss. "Most people 
will feel morc alert or less stressed. It can even help your body 
detoxify faster after a night of hard drinking. But people who 
notice dramatic changes in their well-being would benefit 
from a nightlong oxygen-saturation test to rule out any seri- 
ous illness." Adjusting to the nasal apparatus, or “nose hose,” 
takes all of five seconds, according to Charron. The setting is 
serene—lots of fish tanks and low-key jazz—and the clientele 
includes models, doctors, lawyers and plenty of night crawlers 
who drop by to rev up or to recover. Later this year, New York 
will get two more O; Bars, and two will open in Los Angeles. 
There's even talk of a nationwide franchise, which means that 
soon we can all breathe easier. 


ROW, ROW, ROW YOUR BIKE 


"The Rowbike is a lean, mean biking machine created by Scott 
"Rollerblade" Olson, the inventor of the in-line skate. Has Ol- 
son hit pay dirt again? Judge for yourself this summer. The 
Rowbike is a cross between a low-slung recumbent bike and a 
Concept II kind of rowing 
machine. Your feet rest on 
supports in front of you, and 
as you pull back on the han- 
dlebar the bike rolls forward, 
typically at speeds of ten to 
17 miles per hour. The flow- 
ing, rowing motion can give 
you a great aerobic workout, 
with the added advantage of 
toning and strengthening 
your arms, shoulders, torso, 
back and legs (regular bikes 
work just the lower body). 
You can use the Rowbike out- 
doors or set it up for indoor 
training with a resistance de- 
vice. The manufacturer in- 
sists that most people can 
learn to Rowbike in 15 minutes. (Of course, that was said 
about Rollerblading, too, so make sure you wear a helmet and 
practice out of traffic.) The Row is available only as a one- 
speed and retails for $599. For more info, call 800-950-5040. 


SPEAKING OF PEDALING... 


Iowa is not flat. Discover this by biking across the nearly 500- 
mile-wide state July 20-96. Every ycar The Des Moines Register 
sponsors a seven-day tour called the Register's Annual Great 
Bicycle Ride Across Iowa, attracting 7500 cyclists of all ages on 
every type of bike, who pedal their way down 50 to 100 miles 
of country roads by day and camp on designated fairgrounds 
or church lawns by night. There are lots of festivities along the 
way: polka-band dance parties, bake-offs, barns converted in- 
to pancake houses, pork-chop hus- 
tlers. It's down-home lowa 
hospitality at its best— and 

a great muscle-builder. 
The $90 fee includes the 
daily transport of your 
gear to that nighr's destina- 
tion. This summer is the 
ride's 25th anniversary. For 
info, call 800-474-3342. 


TAKE IT OFF 


It's summer, and that shoul- 
der tattoo you got impulsive- 
ly a year ago is looking a little 
tired, especially since BRIDGET 
split last fall. Do your reputa- 
tion a favor and take a hike of 
your own—to the Candela Laser Spa in Scottsdale, Arizona. 
The world's first fully integrated spa, salon and cosmetic laser 
center is a luxurious and safe place to have a tattoo removed, 
or for any other cosmctic dermatologic procedurc. Aside from 
being zapped, you can pamper yourself with wraps, massages 
and other body treatments. Remember: Cosmetic indul- 
gences are for guys, too. A second Candela spa opened 
in April in Boston. Call 602-949-0100 (Scottsdale) or 617- 
426-6999 (Boston). 


Loser luxury: Zopped at the spa. 


DR. PLAYBOY 


О: I'm a casual runner, but I'd like to tackle a race. Any 
chance 1 can train this summer for a fall marathon? 

A: If you run regularly, you've conditioned your mus- 
cles and skeletal system to the rigors of the sport. Big 
milcage increases are close at hand. Jim Galloway, the 
author of Marathon!, claims a 98 per- 

cent success rate with students who 

adopt his “walk/run” strategy. If you 

presently can run five miles, training 

should take you 16 weeks or so. His se- 

cret: a one- to two-minute walking break 

after every mile—it lowers the heart rate 

and keeps the runner from going anaero- 

bic. For purists who believe a race should 

be run, not walked, there's still good news. 

In as little as 15 wecks, runner-writer Hal 

Higdon trains five-mile runners to finish a 

marathon. He ups the distance one mile a 

weck until you reach 20. "The excitement of 

the spectators and other runners will carry 

you the last six," he promises. His tip: Run 

about half an hour slower than you're capable 

of. Then you'll clock a good time and your 

next marathon will be a personal best. 


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38 


MEN 


y buddy Dufo is showing me his 

new putter, an Arnold Palmer Ti- 
Roll, made out of titanium. "It lists at 
$270, but I got a deal," Dufo says. 

Dufo has many golfing superstitions. 
He takes four practice swings when he 
tees up, never hits out of a sand trap 
without spitting in it and allows no one 
else to touch hisclubs when they are new. 

One of Dufo's rituals involves sub- 
mitting his latest golfing purchases to my 
examination. He knows I used to be ad- 
dicted to the sport, so he figures that if 
he can get my approval, it will somehow 
help his game. 

"What happened to your putter?" I 
ask. "It looked like a rifle barrel and cost 
you $200.” 

“It rusted every time I got water on 
it,” Dufo says, "so while I was lining up 
my putts, I'd be looking for rust spots. 
"That made me nervous." 

"Golf makes you nervous, Dufo," I say. 
"That's why you spend so much money 
on it. You think you can buy your way to 
golfing perfection." 

"That's not true," Dufo says. 

“What about your drivers? You had a 
titanium Ram for about $1000, as I re- 
member. And then you switched to a Big 
Bertha. Am I right?" 

* moved up from that," Dufo says. 

“To what?" 

“To the Great Big Bertha." 

“How did that one work out?" 

"Pretty good, so 1 moved up again to 
the Biggest Big Bertha," he says. It runs 
about $600 list, but the head is 15 per- 
cent bigger than the Great Big Bertha 
and it's still titanium, with a 46-inch 
shaft. Want to see my new irons?" he 
asks, smiling as he pulls the cover off his 
golf bag. "I'm gonna break 80 with these 
beauties for sure." 

Dufo tells women that he shoots in the 
low 70s. He tells guys who might wager 
with him that he rarely breaks 100. But 
the truth is that, on a good day, he shoots 
about 90. “You were using Big Bertha 
irons last year,” I say. "About $1200 
worth. What happened?" 

"Forget them. These are my new 
sweethearts, my Daiwa G-3 Brougham 
irons weighing only 43 grams each." 

“How much did they cost?" I ask. 

"About $4000 list, but I got a deal." 

"One of these days, Dufo,” I say, “you 
are going to learn that a deal is not al- 
ways a deal—especially in golf." 

Dufo is trying to keep me away from 


By ASA BABER 


his golf bag, but I get there anyway. 
"What have we here?" I ask. "A $500 
gold-plated Odyssey putter?" 

I open the pockets. "Here we have 
some Ram Tour Balata DC golf balls at 
$48 per dozen. That's four bucks a ball.” 

"Get out of my bag," Dufo says, sulk- 
ing. "At least I invest in the sport. I put 
my money into it. You were a tightwad 
who never paid to play." 

“That is true,” I say. 

"And then you quit. Why?" he asks. 

"Because I learned the secret to good 
golf, and I couldr't handle it." 

"And the secret is?" Dufo asks. 

1 put a finger to my lips and hold it 
there for a long time. “This isthe secret,” 
I say. "It is very Zen." 

"Zen this, Baber,” Dufo says. “Just tell 
me the goddamn secret." 

"Silence is the secret, Dufo,” I whisper. 
“Silence and emptiness.” 

“You're full of crap,” he says. 

“Silence and emptiness, a state of 
mind you particularly need at one spe- 
cial moment of the game.” 

“And what special moment is that?” 

“The top of the backswing," I say. 

Dufo stares at me. “Thanks a lot, 
Kung Fu,” he laughs. 

“Think about it, Dufo. The top of the 
backswing—that is when you fall apart. 
Right?" 

Dufo thinks about it. “Yeah, you could 


be right," he finally admits. 

“Golf is the ultimate Zen sport, but 
most of us are not Zen guys," I say. "Tell 
me what would happen if we could 
somehow get inside the male brain and 
videotape the sounds and images at the 
top of every man's backswing. What 
would we see and hear?" 

Dufo smiles. “If it was me, you'd see a 
war movie, or a porn flick, or a boxing 
match or a football game." 

“You got it. The top of every man's 
backswing—what a moment that is. 
"Time freezes, winds howl, women moan, 
guns shoot, bombs explode. As you raise 
your club and look down at that little 
white ball, what do you see?" 

“I see every asshole boss I ever had to 
work for,” Dufo laughs. 

*Every woman who ever dumped 
you,” I add. 

"Every guy who ever screwed me in 
business." 

“All your credit card debts.” 

“All my margin calls and my alimony 
payments.” 

“And with all those things bouncing 
around in your head right then, what do 
you really want to do?" I ask. 

“I want to kill the fucking ball," Ошо 
whoops. "I want to crush that little fuck- 
er.” He starts to wave a three-iron in the 
air. "Kill, crush, kill, crush!" he chants. 

"Yes, you want to smash that ball into 
smithereens. For a nanosecond, you go 
crazy. The club head is poised, it starts to 
descend—and you slice or hook or miss. 
Why? Because there has been no silence 
in you, no emptiness during your back- 
swing. Mentally, you are still at war." 

Dufo looks at me with tears in his eyes. 
Slowly, he puts his hand on my shoulder 
as if we were long-lost brothers. I step 
away from him, thinking he may even 
try to hug me. 

"Ace, thanks for the advice," he says. 
*I know you've helped me improve my 
game, so now let me help you." 

Dufo pulls out some yellow capsules 
from his shirt pocket and holds them 
carefully in the palm of his hand. “These 
are designer tranquilizers with an opi- 
um base and 20 mikes of speed added," 
he explains. "They run $80 a pop in 
Bangkok, and just one of them will keep. 
you cool for a full 18 holes. Speaking of 
Zen—you want a hit?" 


Copenhagen Fas satisfied 
the toughest customers. 
That tradition continues. 


New Copenhagen® Long Cut. 

The same premium tobacco, 

Same original flavor. == 

In a whole new cut. 5 > 


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PLAYBOY 


40 


Technology Update 


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What You Read Here 
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THE PLAYBOY ADVISOR 


War a single, average-looking business- 
man in my mid-40s. During the past 
three years, I have slept with every mar- 
ried woman I have desired. I meet them 
in supermarkets, bookstores and record 
shops. I invite them for coffee and the 
rest is casy. From these encounters I 
have observed the following: (1) I have 
not met a woman whose husband has 
made love to her properly in the past six 
months. (2) Many of these women had 
never had a multiple orgasm. Two had 
never had orgasms until we went to bed. 
(3) None of these women experience any 
major guilt from these encounters. Most 
feel they are neglected and view our 
time as luxurious sin. In the meantime, 
I have collected a casual harem. I am 
never pushy—they call me. Can you ex- 
plain why so many married men are 
such neglectful lovers? —T.C., Los Ange- 
les, California 

Because they don't read the Advisor. Your 
letter sounds like a challenge, and we've just 
Become your worst enemy by publishing it. 


During our honeymoon, my fiancé 
and I plan to spend a weck at a resort in 
Cap d'Agde, France. We're told nudity is 
encouraged throughout the village. Can 
you confirm this? Also, can you explain 
the etiquette for going topless or nude? 
We don't want to break any laws or of- 
fend anyone.— C.O., Chicago, Illinois 

Cap d'Agde is a clothing-oftional coastal 
town 50 miles southwest of Montpellier that 
began as a campground in 1956 and has 
since grown to about 20,000 residents. Ac- 
cording to local lore, police ensure that cloth- 
ing is not worn except in cases of severe sun- 
burn. Here are some guidelines for any nude 
resort: Always sit on a towel. Don’t leer. 
Don't be leud. Don't shoot a lot of photos or 
video. And don't show off your erection (in- 
stead, one veteran nudist advises, hide it in 
the sand, under a towel or in the water “un- 
til your steamy imagination adjusts to the re- 
ality that sex, as you know it, is not the rea- 
son these people are unclothed”). If you enjoy 
the experience, the American Association for 
Nude Recreation (800-879-6833) can sug- 
gest nudist clubs in the U.S. that are close lo 
where you live or vacation. 


Ive heard that putting a drop of water 
in your glass of scotch makes it taste bet- 
ter. True?—A.R., Fort Wayne, Indiana 
A drop or two of water disturbs the molec- 
ular composition of the scotch and helps 
bring out its aroma and flavor. "Don't be 
afraid to add water to even the finest malts,” 
says Michael Jackson, author of "The Com- 
plete Guide to Single Malt Scotch,” "though 
there will be a slight loss of texture in a full- 
bodied, rich example such as Macallan. 
Some Scots even dilute 50-50." In an ideal 
situation, you'd have access to the same wa- 


ter used to make the scotch. Otherwise, use 
spring water. 


We need you to settle an argument. 
Let's say you have a dozen women hid- 
den beneath sheets. My friend says that 
if he had intercourse with each one with 
minimal touching, he would not be able 
to pick out his wife. I say he would be 
able to because every vagina feels differ- 
ent. What do you think?—R.W., Mont- 
gomery, Alabama 

He'd know it was his wife when she lifted 
up the sheet and said, "What the hell are you 
doing here?" 


M 105: my $75,000-a-year job several 
months ago, and last week, my wife left 
me (she said she could not adapt to 
our new lifestyle). To unwind, I go to a 
health club. Last night I saw a female 
friend I've known for about five years. 
‘As I was leaving, she ran over, her hair 
still wet from the shower, and asked me if 
Thad plans. When I said no, she invited 
mc to sec her new condo. A few minutes 
after we arrived and I had found a seat 
in the living room, she walked in wear- 
ing a kimono. She gave me a quick tour, 
and we sat down to chat. She asked why 
I seemed down, and I told her that my 
wife had left me. Then she bent over to 
hug me. As she straightened up, I 
slipped a throw pillow on my lap to hide 
my erection (smooth, I know). She 
kissed me, then let her robe fall open. 
She was nude. She reached into my 
sweatpants and began to stroke me. I 
hesitated, but she said it was all right, 
that we are both lonely. We had sex on 
the couch. It was heaven. I spent the 
night with her, and she woke me for in- 


ILLUSTRATION BY ISTVAN BANYAI 


tercourse four times. Now I'm home 
alone in my apartment, writing this let- 
ter and nursing a sore dick. I feel con- 
fused. Did I do wrong?—R.T, Sacra- 
mento, California 

No way. Think of it this way: You lost your 
job and your wife, but at least something is 
going right for you. And talk about stress re- 
duction. If you didn't feel confused by it all, 
we'd be worried about you. Hang in there. 


Thank you for the letters you've print- 
ed about erotic spanking. I have a ques- 
tion about etiquette. Is there a subtle 
way to ask how a new lover feels about 
spanking? Also, are there any signs that 
someone enjoys this type of sex play?— 
PR., Trenton, New Jersey 

Besides the fact that they never sit down? 
It's hit or miss. In general, the better the sex, 
the more likely your partner will experiment. 
One spanking fan hints to new lovers that he 
enjoys "a little more slap than tickle"; anoth- 
er lays it on the line as soon as the relation- 
ship gets intimate. To test the waters, initiate 
a discussion about erotic likes and dislikes, 
or share an adult video that includes a 
spanking scene and study your partner's re- 
action. Naturally, the simplest way to find 
a spanker or spankee is to hang with 
them. You'll find many like-minded folks on- 
line (start with the Usenet group alt.sex. 
spanking) and through organizations such 
as Shadow Lane (RO. Box 1910, Studio 
City, CA 91614 or on the Web at www. 
shadowlane.com), which sells spanking erot- 
ica, publishes a magazine of lonely-butts ads 
($16) and hosts frequent parties. 


When you wear dress shoes and 
trousers, should your socks match the 
shoes or the pants?—R.H., Ormond 
Beach, Florida 

Your socks should match your trousers. For 
example, if you choose a dark gray suit and 
brown shoes, wear charcoal gray socks. And 
make sure your socks extend well above your. 
ankles. The most sericus hosiery faux pas is 
allowing a patch of skin to show when you 
sit down. 


About a year ago, a couple moved in 
across the street. The woman is gor- 
geous, and her husband is away a lot 
on business. I started to hang out with 
her, and now we have sex. She loves sto- 
ries about me and my partners getting 
caught in the act, as well as those about. 
all the exotic places I have had inter- 
course. I also tell her stories of when Гуе 
watched other people have sex—both 
friends and strangers—and she gets very. 
turned on. She has said she would nev- 
er let others watch, but thinking about 
someone watching gets her off. Now I 
am running out of material except for 


41 


stories that involve her. When she first 
moved in, I would cross the street and 
peek into her bedroom as she and her 
husband had incredible sex. I'd love to 
describe what I saw, but I'm not sure 
how she'd react. I am tempted to think 
she would take it well if I described her 
and her husband, and that it might even 
arouse her. Or maybe not. After all, she 
didn’t exactly leave her blinds open—I 
had to work to get into position. I don't 
want her to quit having sex with me be- 
cause my stories are stale. What should I 
do?—R.T., St. Louis, Missouri 

You're a voyeur and your neighbor is a 
budding exhibitionist, and you can’t work 
something out? We don't see this as a high- 
risk situation. The next time you say good- 
bye, suggest that you have a peephole into 
her bedroom. If she later asks, “Did you see 
us?” you'll know you have a green light to 
describe what you've seen. By the way, are 
you sure her husband is out of town? You 
never know who might be watching. 


PLAYBOY 


M; wife and I tried the Reality con- 
dom for women but gave up after two 
tempts because it was so difficult to 
sert. Is there some trick to it?—D.F. 
Toledo, Ohio 

No trich, just practice. The first few times 
you use the Reality may be awkward and 
even humorous. The condom has to be posi- 
tioned far up inside the vagina and can twist 
if not inserted properly. Before you have in- 
tercourse, the ring that hangs outside the 
vagina might need to be held in place so the 
condom doesn't slip and you don't acciden- 
tally slide your erection between the poly- 
urethane and her vaginal uall. After ejacu- 
lation the Reality must be removed carefully 
so ihe semen doesn't leak. Finally, without 
enough lubricant, the condom can squeak, 
which only enhances sex if you and your wife 
are role-playing and yow're the cat. Still, 
many couples report that once they get the 
hang of it, the female condom works wonder- 
fully. It's not tight on the penis like a male 
condom, allowing for more heat transfer. 
When positioned properly, the open end can 
also provide clitoral stimulation. 


Have you heard of “the turning posi- 
tion”? 1 read about it in a sex manual. 
You start in the missionary position. For 
the second position, the man rotates un- 
til he is lying across the woman at a right. 
angle (all the while keeping his erection 
inside her). To complete the sequence, 
the man turns one more quarter, so he's 
positioned with his chest between her 
calves, his head near her feet and his 
ankles at either side of her shoulders. 
When I read the passage to my boy- 
friend, he insisted the third position was 
impossible. He says his erection would 
have to bend down too far. What do you 
think?—W.R., Chatranooga, Tennessee 
After twisting the night away, we'd say the 
move is difficult but not impossible. If your 
42 boyfriend has а foot fetish, that third turn of 


the screw will probably leave him too hard to 
bend. If he finds the position more acrobatic 
than arousing, he may lose enough of his 
erection to maintain coitus. For variety, re- 
verse positions and you play the spoke. 


This may sound ridiculous, but none of 
my physician friends can help me with 
this predicament. After I climax, I al- 
ways sneeze four to six times. Why?— 
B.D., Miami, Florida 

Arousal causes the mucous membranes in 
the nose to expand, which has been known to 
induce sneezing in people whose nasal pas- 
sages are chronically swollen. A decade ago, 
the “Journal of the American Medical Asso- 
ciation" examined the case of a 60-year-old 
man who said he sneezed four or five times 
about a minute after orgasm. He found relief 
with a prescription nasal spray. There may 
be other factors involved. Research has 
shown that the vagus nerve, which controls 
involuntary actions such as breathing and 
swallowing, may also carry signals for sneez- 
ing, yawning and orgasm. As one scientist 
has noted, a sneeze could be described as a 
respiratory orgasm. 


Are Cuban cigars all they are said to 
be? I have found a place that sells 
Cubans and wonder if I should switch 
from my current brand.—G.G., Atlanta, 
Georgia 

You'll be disappointed. The quality of 
Cubans has declined in recent years, and 
some smokers say they were never that great. 
Joel Sherman, author of “Nat Sherman's 
Passion for Cigars,” notes that Cuban cigars 
are usually rushed to market because they're 
in such demand. “When you take a puff on 
most Cubans, you feel a burning sensation in 
your chest—testimony to the high ammonia 
content due to lack of proper aging,” he 
writes. "Back in the Fifties, like a lot of 
smokers, I clenched my teeth and grinned 
through the experience of smoking a Ha- 
vana. They had to be good, right? It took an 
almost macho disregard for comfort to smoke 
one all the way down.” Like many U.S. pres- 
idents before him, Bill Clinton has a differ- 
ent opinion—in what may become known as 
Cigargate, a photo has surfaced showing 
him on the links with his hand inside a box of 
illegal Cuban Montecristos. (He didn’t in- 
hale.) Expect to pay $25 to $50 each for 
handrolled Cubans, which have been contra- 
band in the U.S. since a trade embargo was 
enacted in 1963. Cohibas are the Cubans of 
choice, but it’s often difficult to tell if you're 
holding the real thing. A third to a fourth of 
so-called Cubans are phonies. How can you 
spot a fake? Sherman suggests checking each 
cigar—"Boxes of Cubans are notoriously in- 
consistent in color." And if you don't feel that 
burn, you're probably not smoking what you 
paid for. 


Everyone knows the saying that your 
foot is as big as your arm from the elbow 
to the wrist. But I was told that the 
length ofa man's penis is the same as the 


distance from his wrist to the tip of his 
middle finger. Any truth to this?—].M., 
Santa Fe, New Mexico 

None. But next time you measure, use 
her hand. 


Hn the past you have mentioned The 
Encyclopedia of Unusual Sex Practices, by 
Brenda Love. I bought a copy and 
found it fascinating. But are there any 
books that have more specific listings, 
such as a geographic index of sex 
clubs?—B.Y., Cincinnati, Ohio 

"Alternate Sources” should do the trick. It 
contains 12,000 listings for worldwide sex 
organizations, books, magazines, conven- 
tions, therapists, competitions, online sites, 
bars, stores, video stores, catalogs and other 
kinky resources. The guide is also published 
in a searchable CD-ROM version that in- 
cludes the holdings catalog of Chicago's 
Leather Archives & Museum. Sample the 
listings and order online at alternate.com, or 
send $30 for the book ($65 for the CD- 
ROM) to PO. Box 19591-569, 55 Bloor St. 
West, Toronto, Canada M4W 3T9. Buy an 
extra for your favorite library. 


М, lover and I will be married in Au- 
gust, the second time for both of us. We 
have an active sex life, and I'm more 
than happy to do anything that turns 
him on. We've tried every position possi- 
ble and sometimes play for hours with 
vibrators, dildos and even nipple and 
y-clamps. He loves to give me at least 
four orgasms before letting me catch my 
breath (this from a woman who once 
thought sex should be "nice" and that 
multiple orgasm was a fantasy). There 
have been a few times I've nearly passed 
out from feeling so good. So tell me, how 
can I make our wedding night truly 
memorable? Is there one thing a man 
dreams of but wouldn't dare ask his wife 
хо do?—S.T., Oakland, California 

We can think of a few. One involves your 
bridesmaids, a camcorder, two gallons of 
olive oil and a pastry chef But that’s messy. 
If you want to make your wedding night re- 
ally stand out, don't have sex with your fi- 
ancé for two weeks prior, but tease him mer- 
cilessly. Hell, make it a month. 


All reasonable questions—from fashion, food 
and drink, stereo and sports cars to dat- 
ing problems, taste and etiquette—uill be 
personally answered if the writer includes a 
self-addressed, stamped envelope. The most 
provocative, pertinent queries will be pre- 
sented in these pages each month. Send all 
letters to the Playboy Advisor, PLAYBOY, 680 
North Lake Shore Drive, Chicago, Illinois 
60611. Look for responses to our most fre- 
quently asked questions on the World Wide 
Web at http://www.playboy.com/faq, or check 
out the Advisor's latest book, “365 Ways to 
Improve Your Sex Life” (Plume), available 
in bookstores or by phoning 800-423-9494. 


Pour two ounces of Skyy vodka over ice and add five ounces of grapefruit juice. Also known as a Greyhound, Skyyhound, Skyy 
Grapefruit. For exceptionally clean, clear vodka produced by four-column distillation and triple filtration, always reach for the Skyy. 


DISTILLED IN AMERICA FROM AMERICAN GRAIN. 40% ALC/VOL [30 PROOF) 109% GRAIN NEUTRAL SPIRITS. #1997 SKYY SPIRITS, INC., SAN FRANCISCO, CALIFORNIA, 


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THE PLAYBOY FORUM 


PORN | 


The California Men’s Gath- 
ering is an eclectic get-togeth- 
er of people affiliated with the 
national men's movement. Par- 
ticipants are sometimes called 
feminist, antisexist or "chang- 
ing" men. CMGs, as insiders call the 
meetings, are held two times a year, in 
late spring and early fall. The spring 
CMG is a men-only event, but the fall 
conference is also host to a few wom- 
en. I was there to give a pro-pornog- 
raphy session with my friend David 
Steinberg, editor of Erotic by Nature. 
As a sex educator, sex-industry insid- 
er and unrepentant porn aficionada, 
I was prepared to discuss it all with a 
group of men who are encouraged, 
by the men's movement and by 
their feminist allies, to feel 
conflicted and guilty if they en- 
joy pornography at all. The 
conference gave us a view of 
this country's schizophrenic 
view of sexuality. 

John Stoltenberg, longtime 
associate of Andrea Dworkin 
and one of the founders of 
Men Against Pornography, 
was the keynote speaker. His 
recent book, Refusing to Be a 
Man, inspires some feminist 
men and alarms others with 
what they perceive as his ha- 
tred of maleness. Take, for 
example, his analysis of male 
supremacy and sexual objecti- 
fication: “Sometimes the mere 
regarding of another person's 
body as an object isn't enough; 
it does not satisfy a man's ha- 
bituated need to experience 
physical and emotional agita- 
tion sufficient to set off sensory 
feedback about his sexedness. 

At times like these, a man 
learns, he can reproduce erectile re- 
sults .. . by being threatening, terrify- 
ing and dangerous to his chosen sex 
object. He can do this in his imagina- 
tion, then in his life, then in his mem- 
ory, then again in his life. The more 
dread he produces, the more desire 
he can feel.” 

“Nonjudgmental” is not a descrip- 
tion that fits Stoltenberg, especially 
regarding his views on pornography. 
I felt strongly that his perspective, 
presented unchallenged to a group of 
men whose ideological base gives 
them no support for a positive view of 


——and the — 


NEW AGE GUY 


real men don't pose. 
real women do 


sex work, would result in a lot of well- 
meaning converts to the antiporn 
cause. I also felt it would increase the 
feelings of conflict in those who do 
get an occasional hard-on from dirty 
books or movies. 

Stoltenberg also led a workshop 
called "What Makes Pornography 


Sexy?" (a.k.a. “The Pose Workshop"). 
His formula was simple: He random- 
ly picked several men (no women) 
and gave each of them a picture of 
a provocatively posed nude woman. 
He had chosen images from Hustler, 
Penthouse and PLAYBOY, and the sub- 
jects were contorted in ways only the 
young, lithe, supple and incidentally 
photogenic can be. The bodies of his 
male "volunteers" were not all so 


By Carol Queen 


toned. Stoltenberg told the 
men to assume the positions of 
the women in the pictures. The 
resultant attempts lacked the 
eroticism of the originals, I'm 
afraid. As each man struggled 
to give the rest of the group a pussy 
shot, we directed him in how to place 
his body so he'd most resemble the 
model: "Chin up. Close your eyes 
a little. Arch your back. Come on, 
spread 'em!" Essentially, each was 
asked to present himself sexually to a 
male crowd—and as a woman, yet! 
Discomfort in the room was thick as 
the men struggled with their bodies, 
their body image, their homophobia 
and their shame at presenting them- 
selves as female. 

Then Stoltenberg turned 
grand inquisitor. He asked 
each of our centerfolds to tell 
the group how it had felt to as- 
sume a porn pose. Predictably, 
most of them responded that it 
had been humiliating. A cou- 
ple of men wailed, like violated 
ingenues, that they had felt 
like pieces of meat. And this, 
of course, was to be the deep 
message of the workshop— 
that posing for porn is humili- 
ating and dehumanizing. 

Stoltenberg then asked each 
audience member to describe 
how it had felt to witness the 
transformation of our fellows 
from sensitive New Age guys 
to split beavers. Again, pre- 
dictably, nobody had felt good 
about it, except for one bril- 
liantly ingenuous gay man 
who thought we were all being 
much too serious. For him it 
had been kind of fun, like 
dress-up. Of course, the play- 

fulness of gender bending was not a 
point Stoltenberg was trying to make. 

When it was my turn to speak, I 
was buzzing with adrenaline. I said 
that, first, I felt angry that only men 
had been allowed to participate in the 
exercise. Then I pointed out that it's 
always painful and infuriating when 
people are nonconsensually manipu- 
lated into humiliating themselves to 
make someone else's point—especial- 
ly when they're being asked to as- 
sume the trappings of a sexual orien- 
tation or behavior that's not their 
own. Posing for porn and acting in 


45 


dirty movies, I argued, are primarily 
sexually exhibitionist behaviors that 
are not for everyone. Asking a nonex- 
hibitionist to strip or pose might cer- 
tainly leave him or her feeling humili- 
ated, but the exhibitionist would 
probably be turned on. 

Stoltenberg had led his audience to 
believe that erotic models feel the same 
uncomfortable emotions his shang- 
haied assistants felt. This is like show- 
ing a straight man what it's like to be 
gay by asking him to imagine a prison 
rape. That, of course, is the kind of tac- 
tic Bible thumpers and conservative 
politicians use all the time. Because it's 
a less common ploy outside fundamen- 
talist Christian churches, Stoltenberg's 
audiences don't always understand 
that he is using shit to describe roses, 
and that they are being manipulated. 
Further, this logic leads them to believe 
that the voyeur—the natural partner of 
the exhibitionist—is participating in 
the humiliation, not the appreciation, 
of the model. Most of us have a touch 
of the voyeur in our erotic makeup. 
Since our sex-negative culture shames 
this impulse (though it is encouraged 
everywhere, from MTV to billboards 
for Hanes stockings), Stoltenberg's 
workshop ultimately makes most of the 
participants feel just as bad about 
themselves as they now do about 
pornography. 

While many in the circle tried to ad- 
dress the way in which they knew their 
sexuality was under attack (“I enjoy 
erotica," "I think nudity is beautiful 
and natural"), they struggled to phrase 
things in a politically correct way so 
that others in the group wouldn't sus- 
pect they enjoyed looking at a PLAYBOY 
centerfold. I figured that with all the 
stories antiporn activists tell about Lin- 
da Lovelace making her movies at gun- 
point, it would help folks to hear that 
some models and porn stars actually 
like their work. 

But Stoltenberg's next questions il- 
lustrated our schizophrenia: "What did 
you see in those pictures? What did I 
show you pictures of?" 

I still don't know whether I heard 
the participants political correctness 
or if I got the real feelings of the sensi- 
tive New Age men and women assem- 
bled there. Their answers suggested 
that they hadn't been looking at wom- 
en but at things. "Body parts," said one 
man, even though the pictures had 
been of whole bodies. "Slaves!" said 
one woman in a voice that said she 
thought a sexual slave was a con- 
temptible thing to be. “Shells without 
souls.” "No heart. No personality.” 
“Roadkill!” (This from the guy who'd 


found the exercise most upsetting and 
humiliating.) 

1 know porn is a stretch for some 
people, but roadkill? No wonder an- 
tipornography folks try to convince us 
we're dehumanizing the people in the 
pictures. They've dehumanized them 
already. What do porn actresses have 
to do to win back their personhood 
from these critics? Don pink gingham 
dresses with Peter Pan collars and 
teach Sunday school? Put on Birken- 
stocks and teach radical lesbian sepa- 
ratism? Only the ones who embrace the 
victim role, including Linda "He Had 
to Put a Gun to My Head to Get Me to 
Fuck That Dog" Lovelace, are allowed 
to become human again in the eyes of 
the antiporn crusaders and, apparent- 
ly, to the masses who are ambivalent 
about the way explicit sexual images 
make them feel. Га much rather put 
naked pictures of myself into the hands 
of guys who'll jack off on my paper tits 


Che women's 


movement 9 was 


than give them to people who'll say, 
"She is an exploited victim with no soul 
of her own." I mean, who's throwing 
around demeaning concepts here? 
Better to have completely anonymous 
sex with a person I'll never meet than 
be dehumanized and lobotomized at 
the service of someone else's politics. 
So it was time for me to come out, to 
try to get through to that roomful of 
nice people whose good sense had 
been tied in knots by everything from 
their upbringings to the manipulations 
of John Stoltenberg. I told them that I 
didn't feel safe in that room because I 


had in fact done modeling and a sexu- 
ally explicit movie or two, and I was 
hearing assumptions about erotic en- 
tertainers that were hard not to take 
personally. Please, I said, don't assume 
you know what someone else's experi- 
ence has been just because you can't 
imagine enjoying it yourself. Please 
don't require that all people be one 
certain, correct way. Please don't as- 
sume I can't make my own decisions, 
that my exhibitionism somehow makes 
me a victim (or, I might have added, 
that it makes me want to be exhibition- 
istic all the time, with everyone). Don't 
tell me I don't have a soul. 

Stoltenberg remained impassive 
throughout, and it was impossible to 
guess what was going through his 
mind. Some people seemed affected. 
Others had already determined which 
side they were on and looked through 
me as if my disclosure had made me 
seem printed on the magazine pages 
they'd taken as their enemy. 


After seeing a roomful of people 
driven through Stoltenberg's hoops, it 
seemed even more important that our 
pro-pornography workshop be per- 
missive and honest, devoid of bullshit. 
We had no fancy tricks, no exercises, no 
pictures to pass around. We were sim- 
ply going to facilitate a discussion in 
which men and women could feel sate 
telling their truths about pornography 
and the sex industry. 

Twenty people gathered in a circle 
with us. David and I began by intro- 
ducing ourselves and talking about our 
relationships to pornography. In the 
past, I, too, was antipornography. But 
that was a long time ago. 

Feminists are not across-the-board 
antiporn; indeed, neither is feminism. 
The women's movement that I was at- 
tracted to as a rebellious teen got my 
attention as much for its promises that 
it would support my right to do what I 
liked vith my body (and that definitely 
included my clit, cunt and brain, thank 
you very much) as for championing my 
right to equal pay for equal work. I say 
if porn gets me hot and wet and frisky, 
what's antifeminist about that? 

I no longer expect perfection from a 
harassed and obviously imperfect art 
form. I've gotten in touch with how 
porn pushed my buttons and made me 
defensive about my own sexuality. I 
studied sexology, I watched a lot of 
porn and my judgments about my own 
erotic impulses and those of other peo- 
ple began to melt away. And an amaz- 
ing thing happened to my uptight- 
ness—it turned into wet panties and 


multiple orgasms. I discovered the pur- 
pose of porn: to produce and enhance 
sexual feeling. 

The next discovery—that porn 
wasn't only sexy to watch or read, it was 
also sexy to produce—couldn't have 
been made without the first. Whether 
writing, modeling or having sex in 
front of a camera, making porn put me 
in touch with my exhibitionistic self 
much more clearly than theater or 
public speaking ever did. Seeing my 
sexuality captured on videotape was 
the kind of leap in sexual development. 
that having my first orgasm had been. 
It gave me a new sense of myself as a 
sexually powerful being. 

Porn does not document sex as it 
should be had, or even the way porn 
stars have it on their days off. People 
who complain that porn doesn't por- 
tray people who look like them, having 
sex the way they do, are right. But such 
complaints miss the point. Using 
pornography, whether as enter- 
tainment, enhancement or sub- 
stitute, is above all a way of ac- 
knowledging desire. It's a way of 
thinking about sex, a means of 
asserting to oneself that sex is 
good or, if that's going too far, 
that one wants it, anyway. People 
read or watch porn for the same 
reasons they read poetry or phi- 
losophy—to enhance a way of 
looking at the world. For some 
feminists, porn is an emblem of 
liberation, a tool for self-discov- 
ery and entertainment. Listen- 
ing to the men in our workshop, 
I realized that pro-sex feminism 
lets women explore porn as a 
form of sexual discovery or re- 
bellion that most men never ex- 
perience. The notion that boys 
will be boys, or even that men 
will be men, is a formula for 
stercotypes, not growth. These 
men had come of age without 
guidance. 

‘The men who formed a circle 
for our workshop had a lot to 
say. Many of them associated pornog- 
raphy with emotional pain precisely 
because they had used it as a substitute, 
and what it brought up for them was 
what was lacking in their lives. 

"They had used porn as adolescents 
to assuage curiosity about sex and to 
dream about the day when they would 
have a partner. They had used it be- 
tween relationships to tide them over. 
"They had used porn during relation- 
ships, often with feelings of guilt, usu- 
ally hiding it from their partners. Us- 
ing pornography was for them a way of 
wanüng things more often than a way 


of avoiding things. 

Using porn may be about wanting it, 
but porn itself is about getting it—to 
paraphrase the phone sex ads, "what 
you want, the way you want it, when 
you want it.” Who really gets enough of 
either pleasure or love? Who ever ful- 
ly outgrows the fantasy that someday 
they'll have everything they ever want- 
ed? It's not really so surprising that a 
common rcaction to porn is anger or 
sadness that the real people in one's 
life don't behave that way—the under- 
side of desire. The men in our group 
seemed to feel that porn left them 
stranded behind enemy lines. 

The problem is not porn but repres- 
sion. Men's fear of their partners' re- 
sponses often makes them hide their 
interest, and the secrecy feeds their 
guilt and their partners' paranoia. Af- 
ter the second or third man in the 
workshop talked about feeling bad 
about using porn while he had a lover, 


I explained what my lover and I do. 
We share it. We watch it together and 
masturbate or make love; we watch it 
while apart and share stuff we like with 
each other. We learn more about each 
other's turn-ons, get new ideas, get 
sparked into really hot sex. We use it to 
strengthen our bond. That's a far cry 
from hiding it or sneaking away to en- 
joy it. One of the most important gifts 
of feminism has been to expose all the 
lies we're told about how the sexes feel 
and behave. Why perpetuate this sex 
difference by naming pornography a 


male evil? The least we can do is turn it 


into an evil that both sexes can share. 

One man's confession reminded me 
ofan irony of the feminist revolution— 
our different attitudes toward mastur- 
bation. Betty Dodson teaches women 
how to pleasure themselves; men have 
never received the sare inspired les- 
son. For men, masturbation is just an- 
other symptom, another sin. 

Society hands out gold stars for mo- 
nogamous relationships and labels ev- 
erything else "dysfunctional." Worse, 
these folks tend to see masturbation as 
pathological rather than everyone's in- 
alienable route to sexual satisfaction, 
self-nurturance or, hell, just plain fun. 
Many of these feelings of conflict ex- 
pressed by the group about pornogra- 
phy boiled down to strong feelings of 
conflict about masturbation. Was it 
OK? Did they do it too much? Wasn't it 
second best? Until everyone honors 
masturbation the way the powers that 
be honor monogamy, the arguments 
of antiporn activists will have a 
toehold even in the psyches of 
many confirmed pornography 
consumers. 

"The bottom line is the need to 
honor desire. Why else take dick 
or pussy in hand? Whether it's 
a thought-out fantasy of the 
perfect partner or a hormone 
surge, we have to shed our cul- 
tural inhibitions about the 
healthy uses of desire. Anything 
less is thought control of the 
worst order, and as the assump- 
tions and tactics of the antiporn 
crowd show, thought control is 
with us right here, right now. It 
was present at the California 
Men's Gathering, masquerading 
as concern for the oppressed. It 
is rampant and organized on the 
left and on the right. As long as 
antipornography partisans want 
us to see fewer, not more—and 
more realistic—explicit images, 
as long as they want to deny the 
heat of sexy pictures and dirty 
words to all who can appreciate 
them, as long as they insist on calling 
consensual work (and play) a form of 
abuse, the rest of us are going to have 
to be partisans of desire. 

I don't know about you, but I am 
proud to take up the flag. These peo- 
ple are lying to—and about—us; they 
are hurting us. It's up to us, with our 
wet panties and hard dicks, to tell the 
truth. There's nothing wrong with sex- 
ual joy. If it comes illustrated, so much 
the better. 


Carol Queen is the author of "Real Live 
Nude Girl" (Cleis Press). 


47 


48 


SENTENCES 

The real irony in James 
Bovard's article “Prison 
Sentences of the Politically 
Connected” (The Playboy 
Forum, April) is the reha- 
bilitation of people who 
are politically connected. 
It's funny how the Megen- 
eration can't remember 
the principles that they 
marched for in the Sixties, 
when drug laws were dra- 
conian. Our lawmakers 
who were part of the Six- 
ties revolution should get 
out their back issues of 
PLAYBOY and reread the Fo- 
rum. They need a re- 
minder of the injustice 
that they were marching 
against instead of reinstating 
the failed principles of their fa- 
thers' generation. 

Randy Mahl 


Easton, Pennsylvania 


President Clinton has talked 
about overcoming párental 
guilt to talk to Chelsea about 
drugs. What about political 
guilt for imprisoning unlucky 
dope smokers? Chances are 
that he can overcome that, too, 
and continue to excuse the un- 
just and wayward enforcement 
of federal drug policies. 

"Theo Reynolds 
St. Ann, Missouri 


FOR THE RECORD 


SOMEBODY SAY AMEN 


“If you believe in the power of prayer, you 
don't want to see it discredited in a public way. 
We responded to our community.” 

—MARY HERRING, FORT WORTH TRANSPORTATION 

AUTHORITY MARKETING DIRECTOR, COMMENT- 


E R 


leave something to the 
imagination get me hotter 
than those old sewing-ma- 
chine blow jobs with the 
dubbed moaning and 
groaning. After all, as Tup- 
py Owens points out, "Inti- 
mate sex can be just as 
hot." 

Jody Volner 

Murphysboro, Illinois 


BROWN UPDATE 

I was struck by the ab- 
surdity of Adam Lack's si 
uation at Brown Unive 
ty ("Cry Rape,” The Playboy 
Forum, March). He was 
caught like a fly in a spi- 
derweb. I can't help but 
wonder what punishment 
the young lady might have in- 
flicted on Lack had he rejected 
her advances. Thanks to thc 
Moral Majority's influence on 
our legal system, the dance of 
human courtship seems similar 
to that of the black widow. Men, 
hold your penises! Something 
ain't right. 
Herb Vickers 


ING ON THE SD-WORD BILLBOARD COPY SHOWN 
ABOVE. WHICH WAS REMOVED FROM HUNDREDS 
OF BUSES IN 19 CITIES AFTER PROTESTS FROM 
"TEXAS-AREA CONSERVATIVES, DESIGNER KENNETH 
COLE CREATED THE ADS AS PART OF A PUBLIC-SER- 
VICE SERIES FOR THE AMERICAN FOUNDATION 


Oak Ridge, Tennessee 


After reading Ted Fishman's 
artide about Brown University, 
I have come to the bitter con- 
clusion that academe is no 


FOR AIDS RESEARCH 


longer fulfilling its role. Once 
upon a time colleges and uni- 


I have a question for James Bovard: 
What can I do about Beltway injustice? 
Should I sharpen my sword, don my 
armor, mount a battle steed and charge 
into Washington, cutting down all the 
unfairness, racism, bigotry, hatred, pol- 
lution, avarice and anger? Sorry, I 
don't have the time. I’m too busy work- 
ing myselfinto the ground to survive in 
this world and to pay the taxes that pay 
the salaries of the corrupt politicians 
and judges you speak out against so 
angrily. But surely you knew that the 
legal system is nothing more than a big 
business that preys on the defenseless 
to keep itself alive and living well. 

Richard Barringer 
Wellington, Nevada 


WEB SITES 
I enjoyed “Web Sites of the Weird” 
(The Playboy Forum, April). They are in- 


deed weird. Now, in the interest of fair 
play, you need to give us Web sites of 
the normal, the beautiful and the 
heterosexual. 
TK. Foster 
Dallas, Texas 
That, of course, would be www. 


playboy.com. 


HOT OR NOT 

I just read your “Forum EY.L" on 
the book Tales From the Clit (The Playboy 
Forum, April) and had to fire off a re- 
sponse. For years now I have been try- 
ing to tell men that X-rated films may 
not be the best way to arouse women. 
When I was married, my husband 
would rent adult movies and ask me to 
watch with him, hoping they would get 
me as hot as they got him. Sorry to say, 
they usually had the opposite effect. 1 
tried to tell him that love scenes which 


versities had a responsibility not 


just to nurture young adults for a few 


years after high school but also to pre- 
pare them for life outside of academe 
Part of that real world is how men and 
women interact beyond the confines of 
the classroom—something Brown has 
handled as deftly as a drunken dart 
thrower. As a result of its bungling of 
the Lack case, not only does no mean 
no and not saying yes mean no, but 
now yes means no if the woman has 
had a few drinks and changes her mind 
later, even if she can't recall the events. 
The sad thing is that Brown University 
will continue to crank out young adults 
who are clueless about the opposite sex. 
David Matthews 
Gainesville, Georgia 


I am appalled by the decision of the 
overeducated idiots on the disciplinary 
panel at Brown. The woman, who is 


not named (unlike Adam Lack), is a 
perfect example of a whining feminist 
who is demanding equality and the 
power to control her own destiny, yet is 
unwilling to accept the responsibility 
which goes along with that. I wonder 
who would have been found responsi- 
ble if the “rapist” had been another 
woman? Most likely the guy who gave 
the party? 

Michael Fitzgerald 

Coeur d'Alene, Idaho 


Apparently, women are unable to 
make decisions while drinking alcohol, 
and men are not only able but obligat- 


This is the age of pay- 
as-you-go government, 
and- its grounding 
premise is: If you don't 
want to pay, you'll just 
have to solve the crime yourself. 

You've probably always assumed 
that the substantial sums you pay in 
taxés were purchasing the on-de- 
mand services of law-enforcement 
personnel. How naively un-Nineties 
of you. Their salaries are justa way 
for us to get their attention. 

Consider, for example, the follow- 
ing instances of civic pickpocketry: 

ITEM: Denver police announced 
they will no longer re- 
spond to home-security 
alarms unless the resi- 
dents have ponied up a 
yearly $25 fee. Moreover, 
residents get just five false 
alarms per year. After 
that, the cops will show up 
only if they have no more- 
pressing engagements. 

ITEM: In South Dakota, 
the governor declared 
that motorists who cir- 
cumvent closed-highway 
barricades and later re- 
quire rescuing will be 
charged for the service, 
and "if they're alive when we get to 
them, will be arrested." 

ITEM: So many unfortunate mo- 
torists have had to be pried from 
mangled wreckage after collisions on 
the roads of Lawrence County, Indi- 
ana that local officials, either fed up 
with or financially inspired by the sit- 
uation, have begun charging acci- 
dent victims for their own extrica- 


ed to make these decisions for them. 
What happened to equality of the sexes 
and women's lib? 

Donald Phillips 

Point Arena, California 


The case of Adam Lack shows that 
the feminazis will find a rapist under 
every stone if you allow them to look. 
The lesson seems to be, Kiss and keep 
quiet, or face the consequences. 

Lance Martz 
Ketchikan, Alaska 

Lack elected to do neither. He sued Sara. 
Klein, Ihe woman who accused him of rape, 
and Brown, which punished him for a crime 


By ROBERT S. WIEDER 


tions. There's even a fee schedule 
of sorts: basic removal from car— 
$400 per person; rescue equipment 
charge--$50 per piece used; air-bag 
deflations—$50 each. 

The fact is, our public-safety pro- 
fessionals are working from an in- 
credible advantage: a de facto mo- 
nopoly. To put it in slice-of-life terms: 
“Look, schmuck, if you don't like our 
rates, go get your accident report or 


burglary investigation or drive-by 
patrol from JCPenney.” 

Ultimately, the quaintly traditional 
police slogan “To Serve and Protect” 
could morph into the far more ap- 
propriate and pragmatic “Hey, We're 
Not Running a Fucking Charity 
Here." 

"The scenario looks something like 
this: Upon arriving at the scene of a. 


he says he didn't commit. Lack's lawsuit 
seeks unspecified damages from Klein for li- 
bel and from Brown for gender bias, breach 
of contract and negligence. Lack's attorney 
says his client will not seek remuneration if 
Klein and Brown apologize for the harm to 
his reputation. 


We would like to hear your point of view. 
Send questions, opinions and quirky stuff. 
lo: The Playboy Forum Reader Response, 
PLAYBOY, 680 North Lake Shore Drive, 
Chicago, Illinois 60611. Please include a 
daytime phone number. Fox number: 312- 
951-2939. E-mail: forum@playboy.com 
(please include your city and state). 


homicide, the lead de- 
tective will seal off the 
area and immediately 
present the survivors 
with a rate sheet— 
“Murder investigations: $1000. Deal- 
ing with the body: simple gunshot, 
$50..Stab wounds, $75. Hacked to 
death with an ax, $200. Body more 
than four days old, $300, plus $50 a 
day thereafter. Free estimates. Ask 
about our celebrity discount." 

We will wring our hands over 
headlines such as POTLUCK FÜND-RAIS- 
ER COMES UP SHORT- TODDLER RE 
TURNED TO WELL but accept them as 
by-products of the free- 

market system. 

Millions of Americans 
will feel a surge of pride 
when the FBI, as a matter 
of professionalism and 
principle, adopts a strict 
no-tipping rule. 

In New York, Mayor 
Rudy Giuliani will declare 
July to be “half-price 
month" for muggings. 
And who can wait for the 
day the local firefighters 
declare a fire sale? 

These vignettes may 
seem far-fetched, but so, at. 
one time, did deposits on plastic bot- 
tles and vending machines for water. 
Given that we live in a society in 
which today's excess is tomorrow's 
entrepreneurial wave, it's best that 
we prepare ourselves for a world in 
which Clint Eastwood squints into 
the camera as Dirty Harry Callahan 
and rasps, "You want fries with those 
fingerprints? Well, do you?" 


49 


FORUM —  — 8 


WRONGFUL DEATH 


a new strategy in the war against abortion 


Could a tainted chicken help end the 
constitutional right to abortion? Ask 
Beth Wiersma of South Dakota. In 
1990 she ate a packaged chicken din- 
ner, got salmonella poisoning and mis- 
carried her seven-week-old embryo. 
Wiersma filed suit against the dinner's 
manufacturer, Maple Leaf Farms, 
claiming the company had caused the 
wrongful death of her child. On its 
face, the suit looks frivolous; the causes 
of miscarriages are notoriously hard to 
pin down. It is not clear that the chick- 
en was the source of the salmonella, or 
that the salmonella caused the loss of 
the embryo. But cause and effect mat- 
ter little when the case serves a cause. 

For groups on both sides of the abor- 
tion debate the stakes couldn't have 
been higher. When the South Dakota 
Supreme Court gave Wiersma's suit its 
blessing to proceed, pro-lifers cheered. 
The reason: The court shunned South 
Dakota's law declaring that a fetus is 
considered part of the mother until the 
24th week of pregnancy. It ruled that 
“the concept of viability [the point at 
which a fetus can survive outside the 
womb] is outmoded in tort law," in ef- 
fect declaring the embryo to be its own 
person. The Wiersma case, regardless of 
its outcome, is an important victory in 
the anti-abortion movement's nation- 
wide strategy to build a wall around the 
unborn that will leave them untouch- 
able in the womb. 

As many as 40 states now allow resi- 
dents to sue for the wrongful death of 
fetuses. In Missouri, a civil statute de- 
clares that "the life of each human be- 
ing begins at conception" and that par- 
ents "have protectable interests in the 
life, health and well-being of their un- 
born child." The law also says that from 
conception on, “unborn children" have 
all the rights and privileges of any oth- 
er person. 

In 1995 the Missouri Supreme Court 
allowed Jason Connor, an unmarried 
male, to sue over the "wrongful death" 
of the four-month-old fetus he helped 
conceive. The fetus was delivered still- 
born from its dead mother after her 
car was hit by a truck. 

Similarly, after a fatal collision in 
West Virginia, an appeals court allowed 
aman to sue a trucking firm and driver 
for the wrongful deaths of his wife and 
the 18-week-old fetus she was carrying. 


By TED C. FISHMAN 


Anti-abortion forces tap the outrage 
and sense of loss that surround these 
incidents, then try to create precedents 
that will abolish a woman's right to 
choose when to reproduce. A runaway 
truck is a better object of outrage than 
a surgical intervention, but court cases 
stemming from one should not be used 
to ban the other. 

For those who frame fetal rights 
laws, the parents seldom matter. Janet 
Crepps of the Center for Reproductive 


Law and Folicy notes that while wrong- 
ful death suits proceed, "numerous 
states have adopted laws prohibiting 
civil tort actions for wrongful birth and 
wrongful life." That means parents 
can't sue doctors who lie to them about 
fetal defects, or who sabotage their at- 
tempts to abort. The fetuses and doc- 
tors are protected, but women's rights 
to make informed choices are trashed. 
Fetal rights advocates have also suc- 


cessfully pushed for laws in at least 23 
states that make living wills invalid for 
pregnant women, thus, Crepps points 
out, "overriding [a woman's] express 
wishes in order to protect fetal life." 

Last year, when Ohio legislators 
drafted a bill to punish the killers of 
“unborn humans," they wanted to 
make the penalties harsher than those 
for killing children or adults. Shooting 
a woman point-blank, they presumably 
reasoned, isn't as bad as assaulting her 
when she is pregnant. The insult to 
women wasso grave that eventually the 
Ohio legislature worked out a compro- 
mise. Now killing the unborn is a homi- 
cide like any other. Ohio isn't alone. 
Criminal laws based on fetal rights al- 
ready exist in some states, many of 
them having been drafted and lobbied 
for in the past five years by anti-abor- 
tion activists. The laws vary widely. 
Many put acts that end the viability of a 
fetus in the same category as murder. 
Others add a "sentence enhancement” 
to crimes against the mother that also 
injure her unborn. 

In 1994 a California court stretched 
the state's homicide statute to include 
embryos just seven weeks old, two 
weeks away from the start of the fetal 
phase. A dissenting judge complained 
that his state now policed the realm of 
“a tiny alien creature the size of a 
peanut.” Iowa declared as feticide any 
intentional termination of a pregnancy 
after the second trimester, with some 
exceptions for women whose health is 
threatened. 

Pro-lifers trumpet the protection 
that fetal rights laws offer mother and 
child. But they cheer just as loudly 
when the laws are used to prosecute 
mothers, which they often are. Accord- 
ing to a tally by the Center for Repro- 
ductive Law and Policy, prosecutors in 
30 states have filed criminal charges 
against nearly 200 women accused of 
endangering their unborn children. 
Most of those charged have been drug 
users with habits that either ended 
their pregnancies or contributed to the 
addictions or birth defects of their chil- 
dren. Higher courts have consistently 
thrown out cases against mothers, but 
anti-abortion prosecutors are not de- 
terred. Blanket the courts with fetal 
rights cases, and eventually one will 
survive. In July 1996 the South Caroli- 


na Supreme Court let stand a convic- 
tion against a cocaine-using mother 
whose newborn showed traces of the 
drug. 

A harder case still is that of Deborah 
Zimmerman from Racine, Wisconsin. 
On the afternoon of March 12, 1996, 
Zimmerman, according to published 
reports a longtime alcoholic and the 
victim of three rapes, sat in a bar, 
pounding back white russians. Already 
stoned, she confided to the bartender 
that she was pregnant. The bartender 
quickly substituted 7Up for her cock- 
tail. Zimmerman's mother fetched her 
and checked her into the hospital, 
ready to deliver. In a drunken rage, 
Zimmerman yanked the fetal monitors 
off her body. She told one of her atten- 
dants, “If you don’t keep me here, I'm 
going to go home and drink myself to 
death. And I'm going to kill this thing 
because I don’t want it anyways.” That 
night Zimmerman underwent a cesare- 
an section. Doctors removed a baby girl 
with a blood alcohol level double the le- 
gal standard for intoxication. The baby 
had the flat face and wide-set eyes typ- 
ical of fetal alcohol syndrome. Wiscon- 
sin charged Zimmerman with reckless 
injury and attempted murder of her 
child. She could spend up to 40 years 
in prison. 

"It's time,” the local prosecutor de- 
clared, “to start holding women ac- 
countable for the harm they do their 
unborn children.” 

The tragedy Zimmerman wrought 
on herself and her daughter is unset- 
ding, to say the least. If ever a case ar- 
gued for making birth control and 
abortion more accessible, rather than 
letting an unwanted or unattended 
pregnancy result in a deformed baby, 
this was it, The case also cries out for 
better prenatal health care, and for 
more education on the effects of alco- 
hol. Instead, the case encouraged the 
state to pit the interests of an unborn 
child against those of its mother. Sure- 
ly, some argue, the state should be al- 
lowed to stand between substance 
abusers and their fetuses. But if we give 
the state that right, where do we draw 
the line? A host of activities can cause 
miscarriages. Ride a horse or motorcy- 
cle, take medicine for a cold, cat unripe 
pineapple or stay on a stressful job and 
you may endanger your fetus. Must 
pregnant women who neglect their 
prenatal care face jail time or civil suits 
from anguished fathers-to-be? When 
pregnant women's actions are crimi- 
nalized, and mothers-to-be face prose- 
cution for their habits, legal or other- 
wise, abortion becomes more—not 
less—attractive. 


PARTIAL TRUTH 


anatomy of a spin crisis 


Hadn't we been through all 
this? A year ago the nation wit- 
nessed a grotesque battle over 
partial-birth abortion. Senators 
and representatives took to their 
podiums with posters show- 
ing babies' skulls pierced by 
Scissors. 

Congress passed a bill ban- 
ning late-term abortions. Presi- 
dent Clinton vetoed the bill. Anti- 
abortion forces did not give up. 

In February one of the periph- 
eral players in the debate resur- 
faced. Ron Fitzsimmons, execu- 
tive director of the National 
Coalition of Abortion Providers, 
confessed that he had deliber- 
ately misinformed the nation (or 
at least Nightline's Ted Koppel). 
Here's a short recap of the media 
coverage. 

February 26, 1997: A repentant 
Fitzsimmons tells re- 
Porters, “I lied through 
my teeth." He states 
that not only is the pro- 
cedure performed more 
often than he previous- 
ly claimed but also that 
the endangered health 
ofthe mother or a dam- 
aged fetus are not the 
overriding criteria. The 
procedure, Fitzsimmons claims, 
is usually performed on a healthy 
mother with a healthy fetus that is 
20 weeks or more along. “It is 
a form of killing," he declares. 
"You're ending a life." 

The majority of partial-birth 
abortions might involve healthy 
fetuses, conceded writer Nell 
Bernstein in Newsday, but how 
widespread is the practice? 
“Whether it affects less than 500 
women or 5000," Bernstein 
wrote, "the incidence of partial- 
birth abortion is negligible when 
measured against the nearly 1.5 
million abortions performed in 
this country each year—not to 
mention the nearly 4 million live 
births. So why has national poli- 
cy debate become fixated on the 
gruesome details of what is, by 
either count, an exceptional pro- 
cedure? Some credit is due the 


‘If it bleeds, it leads’ mentality 
that permeates contemporary 
politics as much as it does news 
coverage." 

The Chicago Tribune's Eric 
Zorn revealed the ethical issue: 
"Abortion rights opponents have 
attempted to leave the impres- 
sion that women routinely slog 
into clinics as they approach full 
term and have doctors employ 
what I'll call the Technique for 
some trivial reason, like they've 
decided they want to put a pool 
table in the baby's room instead. 
Supporters of abortion rights 
have in turn tried to leave the im- 
pression that the Technique is 
employed only rarely and only in 
the most tragic circumstances, 
when maternal health is pro- 
foundly threatened or the fetus is 
as good as dead anyway. Both 
impressions are false. 

"The Technique is 
gruesome and chilling. 
Yet any technique that 
would substitute for the 
Technique were it to 
be outlawed would 
also be gruesome and 
chilling." 

Other reporters have 
noted that women do 
not delay getting an abortion for 
trivial reasons. Most are poor 
women who, denied Medicaid 
benefits, have to work to save the 
money for the procedure. Con- 
gress and state legislatures, in 
creating obstacles to abortion, 
had by default created the cases 
that must utilize the technique. 

Anti-abortion forces rammed 
legislation through Congress that 
would abolish partial-birth proce- 
dures. Only a few commentators 
saw that the initiative was part of 
a larger plan. Zorn: "Because 
eliminating abortion all at once 
has proved politically impossible, 
they will try to get rid of it tech- 
nique by technique. A public de- 
bate that focuses attention on the 
appalling aesthetics takes the 
focus off what sort of rights wom- 
en have to control their own 
bodies." 


51 


52 


N E W 


SU FoR 


O TEN. "T 


what's happening in the sexual and social arenas 


-  SENFTREATMENT ~ 


SAN FRANCISCO—A federal appeals 
court ruled that a strolling mime who was 
fired after striking a gambler at a Las Ve- 
gas casino cannot sue for wrongful termi- 


nation. The woman performed as a me- 
chanical windup doll shadowed by a clown 
bodyguard and equipped with a sign that 
read, STOP. DO NOT TOUCH. Nevertheless, 
a patron who wanted to determine if the 
woman was “real” approached her from 
behind as if to hug her. Staying in charac- 
ter, the woman raised her arm and bloodied 
his lip. In her suit, the performer claimed 
she was exercising her right to resist sexual 
harassment. 


HANGING OFFENSES 

WASHINGTON, D.C.—Until recently, frat 
brothers at George Washington University 
tossed shoes into a tree each time two mem- 
bers had sex with the same woman. That 
rankled a member of a campus feminist 
group called Womyn's Issues Now, who re- 
minded city officials that it's illegal to hang 
anything from trees on public property. 
"It's offensive," Charlotte Hernandez told 
“The Chronicle of Higher Education.” "It 
says women are body parts rather than peo- 
ple.” The D.C. government billed Delta 
Tau Delta $400 for shoe removal. 

VAIL. COLORADO—A vandal apparently 
used a bow saw to cut down a ski resort as- 
pen known as the “Panty Tree.” For years, 
Vail skiers tossed lingerie into the tree’s 
branches as they rode past on a chairlift to 
the back bowls. In a gesture of goodwill, 


Vail officials recovered the panties from the 
fallen aspen and rehung them on a near- 
by tree. 


BACK TOBASIES — — 
SINGAPORE—An appeals court ruled 
that oral sex is illegal unless it is part of 
foreplay. The case involved a 47-year-old 
technician who twice duped a 19-year-old 
receptionist into giving him a blow job. He 
told the woman she had been poisoned by 
cunnilingus, but that fellatio could cure 
her. The man was charged with committing 
“unnatural” acts (the oral sex, not the 
pickup line), but a judge threw out the 
case. The appeals court reinstated it, en- 
dorsing the prosecution's contention that 
the mouth and anus, “unlike the vagina,” 
were not created for sex. The decision puz- 
zled some lawyers. Asked one, "What if the 
man has premature ejaculation?” 


SS ANNOYANCE SUT = 
SAN FRANCISCO—As part of a legal 
challenge to the Communications Decency 
Act, which bans “indecent” material on- 
line, a multimedia company has created 
annoy.com, a Web site that allows users to 
send rude messages to politicians. Apollo- 
media says it hopes to preserve the right "to 
freely criticize public officials and public. 
figures by using whatever language or im- 
agery seems appropriate." In Maryland, 
meanwhile, legislators are pushing a bill 
that would make it illegal to annoy or em- 
barrass anyone via e-mail. 
-—  -QoMICBATIE = 
HUNTINGTON BEACH, CALIFORNIA— 
The city's library director asked municipal 
officials to stop a comic-book store from 
renting space adjacent to a branch library 
because there isn't enough parking, a 
shared restroom wouldn't be large enough 
and—oh, jeah—the shop sells some adult 
titles. Director Ron Hayden claims that 
HB Comics & Cards isn’t “appropriate 
next to our library, which caters to chil- 
dren's story hours and seniors.” The shop 
owner says adult titles account for less 
than one percent of her sales and would 
not be on display. 


- RATS FOILED AGAIN 
MADISON, WISCONSIN—Afler a handful 


of complaints, a high school principal re- 


moved a small painting from an exhibit 
against cruelty to animals that depicts the 
Madonna suckling a rat. The protestors 
evidently missed the point of the work. 
"Rats have their place, but not in art,” one 
member of the Madison Catholic Women's 
Club told “The Capital Times.” "And to do 
something with the Madonna is offensive 
to the Madonna and to all women.” The 
artist insisted her work had been misunder- 
stood. "It's part of a series of 14 paintings 
about rats and how they should not be den- 
igrated.” She noted that students had writ- 
ten many crude comments in the exhibit 
guest book about “Madonna and Rat,” but 
that most of them were inspired by her ex- 
posed breast, not the rodent. 


МСР 


OXFORD, ENGLAND— Students at Exeter 
College voted to outlaw “snogging,” better 
known on this side of the Atlantic asa pub- 
lic display of affection. They say it alien- 
ates single students and nauseates every- 
one else. The third-year classics scholar 
who introduced the motion now patrols the 
campus and scolds persistent offenders 
(one student suggested he carry a bucket of 
cold water). The motion also divided the 
common room into an area for heavy pet- 
ting and another for light petting, banned 
heavy petting altogether in the dining hall 


and outlawed intercourse in the library be- 
tween three A.M. and eight a.m. When 
asked if much sex occurs in the stacks, 
a droll underclassman told Reuters, 
“It hasn't happened to me, but you live 
and hope.” 


Friday 7:42pm 
Youre having a conversation. 
(Without a modem.) 


THLE 


"Love must be what you 
fel when you like something 
as much as you like your 
Harley-Davidson: 7 

—Qrerheard among bikers. 
There's devotion, and 

then there's whatever you 
call what ¿ets inside the 


BOOK OF 
their relatives can only 
shake their heads and sigh. 
Bricklayers, secretaries, 
truck drivers, doctors, bar- 
bers, machinists, you name 
it. It happens to all kinds. 
o what is it about Harley- 
Davidson that a single, 


HARLEYS 


And as with every 
Harley-Davidson, you'll 
notice the carefully crafted 
detail is centered around 
the brawny lines ofa 
Harley-Davidson V-twin — 
a motor that embodies the 
spiritof motorcycling, 


DAG EDS: 


ON: 


EERE 
thecountry's highways. 
Maybe yourhead would 
fill with troupes of chroma: 
Maybe you'd throw a pair 
of jeans and a clean shirt 
ortwo into your saddle- 
bags and never come back. 


Chpero: THE HOPELESSLY ADDICTED. 


heart of the Harley-Davidson 
rider. Mom should beso 
ciclo osa 
Harley-Davidson motor- 
cycle. The United States 
Marine Corps should 
inspire such loyalty. 

You will see them out 
there in the wind. 

The preacher who roams 
the country on a Sportster” 
with an angel painted on 
the fuel tank, 

The man who spent 13 
years tracking, down every 
single partto build a 1958 
Panhead because he came 
across onein a photo. 

The retired couple 
who've shown up at the 
Black Hills Motorcycle 
Rally in Sturgis, South 
Dakota every August for 
the past 43 years. 

There are thousands 
out there. Some so far ¿one 


One rider commemarated 
every Harley he owned with a tattoo. 
8 bikes. Only 2 minor infections, 


We care about you. Si 
wear a helmet, prope: 


momentary encounter can 
make people just drop 
everything, else for riding? 
Itstarts with the 
machine. When you'reon 
a Harley, you're connected 
to something far bigger 
than this year's model, 
Check out the Fat Boy* 
above. Thereis history here. 
Inthechrome horseshoe oil 
tank, wide handlebar 
and floorboards and leather 
detailing, In the winged 
emblem on the tank. 


up for a Motorcycle Safety Foundation rider coursa (for info call 1:800-447-4 
гемевг and appropriate clothing, Insist your passenger does too. Protect your p 


better than any otherengine 
ever built. 

It's understandablewhy 
arider would lose large 
chunks of lifetime just eye 
balling, his Harley's lines. 

Owning sucha machine 
isa feeling like nothing, 
else. The only better 
one wecan think of comes 
from riding it. 

М“ you, too, would 
test H-D positiveif 

you ever gota taste ofa 

Harley-Davidson thunder- 


ith your headli 


on and watch out for the other 
joining the American Motorcycle Association. 


Maybe you'd end up 
commemorating, your own 
Harley Davidson motor- 
cycle with a fresh tattoo. 

Maybe. But if you 
never ğo, how will you 
ever find out? Call 
1-800-443-2153 or visit 
www.harley-davidson.com 
for your local dealer. 


THE LEGEND ROLLS OND 


MOTOR 
{HARLEY-DANDSOH) 


LY 


нато inrenview: ANTHONY EDWARDS 


a candid conversation with tu's favorite doctor about life in the ER with 
batman, the zen of surfing and the importance of hairlines in hollywood 


His knife makes a clean, bloodless inci- 
sion. “Mmm. Yummy," says Anthony Ed- 
wards, slicing off a chunk of meat. “Want 
a bite?" America's most famous surgeon is 
as generous with kind words as he is with 
his lunchtime lamb chop. While discussing 
“ER,” on which he stars as chief resident 
Dr. Mark Greene, Edwards can't stop prais- 
ing his buddy George. Clooney, one of 
the show's other stars. He credits creator 
Michael Crichton, executive producer John 
Wells, the writers and his co-stars for mak- 
ing "ER" number one in the ratings. Of. 
course, they'll tell you it’s Edwards who de- 
serves the lion's share of the credit. “The 
captain of the ship,” Clooney calls him. It all 
sounds too good to be true. 

It was almost refreshing when “News- 
week" magazine called Edwards "chinless, 
almost nondescript.” Predictably, the tight- 
knit “ER” cast immediately put forth a col- 
lective howl of protest. 

Fortunately, Edwards is an actor with an 
edge. Lounging in a Hollywood restaurant 
in a T-shirt and leather jackel, with granny 
glasses and a two-day beard, he looks more 
JD than M.D.—sill a nice guy, but with a 
prickly, snarly side, too. Plenty of things piss 
him off, and when he's pissed, Edwards looks 
less like the prime-time hero he plays on TV 
and more like the driven, occasionally fierce 
Hollywood pro heis. > 


“My problem with ‘Top Gun’ is that it's real- 
ly about rationalizing bad behavior. It’s dis- 
turbing to think I may have encouraged peo- 
ple to join the Navy. What if onc of them 
got killed?” 


His ambition has paid off. Last year he 
won the Screen Actors Guild award for best 
dramatic actor, and his newer work includes 
his scary portrayal of a killer in the CBS re- 
make of “In Cold Blood." He recently signed 
a three-year film and TV production deal 
with Warner Bros. 

Edwards grew up in Santa Barbara, Cal- 
ifornia. His father was a commercial archi- 
tect, his mother was a painter. Nighttime 
television was a no-no in their home. Antho- 
ny sang and danced in school plays but sel- 
dom got the lead. After a summer at Lon- 
don's Royal Academy of Dramatic Arts, he 
made an ignoble professional debut. Young 
Tony Edwards, all ultrabright teeth and 
shaggy blond hair, was a TV pitchkid for 
breakfast cereals. He was the grinning soccer 
sprite singing, “I get Ihe eaties for my 
Wheaties.” 

Since directors kept calling, Edwards 
dropped out of acting school at the Universi- 
ty of Southern California. In 1982 he played 
Sean Penn's sidekick in “Fast Times at 
Ridgemont High.” He won praise for his 
1983 performance as Bonnie Bedelia's son 
in "Heart Like a Wheel.” Next came a star- 
ring role in the surprise 1984 hit “Revenge 
of the Nerds” (the ever political Edwards 
liked the movie's tolerant pro-nerd message). 
Before long he was the boyish romantic lead 


in forgettable flicks: “Mr. North” with Anjel- 


“Fame is like being a pretty girl: People turn 
and look at you. But that’s about all I've got- 
ten out of it. I have found that it doesn’t get 
you laid, and you don't get as much free stuff 
as you'd think.” 


ica Huston, “Miracle Mile” opposite Mare 
Winningham, “Gotcha!” with Linda Fioren- 
tino, who called her co-star “superintelli- 
gent, funny, the warmest, most compassion- 
ate person ever. Why didn't I marry him?" 

Also in the late Eighties came his only 
blockbuster. In 1986s "Top Gun” he played 
Goose, Tom Cruise's martyred buddy. Prox- 
imity to Cruises star power made Edwards 
bankable. He was tabloid fodder, too: They 
couldn't get enough of his affair with Meg 
Ryan, who played his wife in the movie. But 
soon he split with her. Edwards also failed to 
capitalize on the opportunity. All the atten- 
tion followed his fellow Top Gunners Cruise 
and Val Kilmer, while his own fortune 
flagged. 

Edwards was never sure he wanted to be a 
movie star. He never employed a publicist, 
never spent much time on party-going, 
schmoozing and other forms of fame mainte- 
nance. By 1992 he was reduced to playing a 
veterinarian munched by an undead dog. 
The film was “Pet Sematary IL" and he 
didn't even get top billing. That went to Ed- 
ward Furlong, a teen actor whose prospects. 
were hotter. At 29 Edwards was still busy, 
but if his career wasn’t headed for the 
morgue it was surely in intensive care. 

Finally he wowed TV viewers—and exec- 
utives—as the multiphobic “bubble man” 
on “Northern Exposure." Then he landed 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY MIZUNO. 
“George Clooney loves keeping things at a 
sixth-grade level, and he takes advantage of 
shooting in a hospital full of lubricants. 1 
never pick up a phone on the set without 
‚checking the earpiece first.” 


55 


PLAYBOY 


the role he will forever be known for: the 
worried, harried, romance-impaired Dr. 
Greene, captain of the good ship “ER.” Each 
week almost 40 million viewers tune in to 
root for him. 

As fans know, Greene suffered cardio- 
breakia when Dr. Susan Lewis dumped him 
last year. Co-star Sherry Stringfield's fare- 
well episode was the top-rated TV show of 
1996. After that, the shell-shocked chief resi- 
dent needed “to get his balls back,” as Ed- 
wards puts it. “He needed some good healthy 
sex.” Indeed, Greene has spent much of this 
year fending off nurses and other potential 
sexual healers. 

Edwards himself found love in a grave- 
yard. He and Jeanine Lobell, a movie make- 
up artist, met on the sel of “Pet Sematary II” 
and married. They recently had a daughter, 
Esme, who joins their three-year-old son, 
Bailey. “I could use more time at home,” says 
Eduards, an amateur chef. 

We had Contributing Editor Kevin Cook 
make an appointment with the doctor. His 
report: 

"When I told friends I was interviewing 
the star of ‘ER,’ more than a few said, ‘Wow, 
George Clooney" Edwards is more of an ac- 
quired taste than is his bat pal. He's less dy- 
namic than Clooney, though perhaps deeper, 
more a ‘hmm’ actor than а “wow guy. 

“With the success of ‘ER’ and his recent 
star turn in ‘In Cold Blood,’ Edwards gets a 
peculiar reaction on the streets of Los Ange- 
les. People notice him but take a moment to 
place him. Rather than being hounded for 
autographs, he leaves a trail of momentarily 
puzzled faces. By the time they place him, 
Edwards has ducked into the local health 
food store. 

“We met three times, for lunch, coffee and 
a couple beers. He is a suburban guy in a 
pricey, sort of bohemian suburb, Los Feliz, 
where Madonna and other stars raise fami- 
lies. One afternoon our talk was interrupled 
by a howling child at the next table. I might 
have complained, but it was Tim Roth’s kid. 
Edwards was gracious as usual, praising 
Roth so much as he introduced us that I was 
tempted to interview Roth instead. 

“The offscreen Edwards is as thoughtful 
and as intense as Dr. Greene, bul far less 
nervous. We're not much alike but we're ex- 
actly the same height,’ Edwards likes to say. 
That should be good news to ‘ER’ watchers 
who suspect that Greene is often only one 
messy GSW short of going berserk on the job. 
1 found him to be opinionated, tastily pro- 
fane, almost comically devoted to wife and 
‘family—everything a guy should be 

“After our last talk, before driving home in 
his Chevy Suburban, he leaned out the win- 
dow and shot me the peace sign.” 


PLAYBOY: Were you surprised that ER was 
an instant hit? 

EDWARDS: A little. 1 remember the first 
time the cast saw a 20-minute teaser for 
the show. I locked at George Clooney, 
and we had a "Wow" moment. How, this 
is good. But you can't gauge public reac- 


56 tion very well when you're working 12 


hours a day on stage 11 at Warner Bros. 
We knew things were going well when 
one day the network president came to 
our set. "Champagne for everybody," he 
said. "Not since Charlie's Angels has there 
been such a start in the ratings!" We 
thought, Great, but did he have to men- 
tion Charlie's Angels? 

PLAYBOY: Do you enjoy being one of the 
most watched actors in America? 
EDWARDS: It makes me feel like hiding 
under a rock. It helps that I like the 
show—1 truly think we're famous be- 
cause we arc doing the best hour on telc- 
vision. But I'm not comfortable with 
fame. 105 like having a hump: People 
smile and shake your hand and pretend 
it doesn't affect them, but it's all they can 
think about. 

PLAYBOY: Fame reminds you of a hump? 
EDWARDS: [Laughs] I'll try again. Fame is 
like being a pretty girl: People turn and 
look at you. But that's about all I've got- 
ten out of it. 1 have found that it doesn't 
get you laid, and you don't get as much 
free stuff as you'd think. 

PLAYBOY: How free is ER with its famous 
medical detail? Do you take dramatic li- 


We don't always succeed. 
on “ER.” In fact I'd say 
we usually fail. Most 
of the time the show 


doesn't resonate. 


cense with all your videopathies? 
EDWARDS: We try to keep it realistic. 
Sometimes we goto extremes. We'll even 
expand the terminology. For example, 
real doctors and nurses say "V-tack" for 
ventricular tachyrhythmia, but we say 
the whole thing. It sounds so cool. 
PLAYBOY: What makes ER special? 
EDWARDS: We try not to condescend. 
"There is a myth that TV audiences want 
everything tied up neatly with a bow 
every week. Childish fairy tales. But peo- 
ple know "happily ever after" doesn't 
happen in the real world. Death works. 
Birth, death and pain—things rcal pco- 
ple deal with and talk about. I think ER 
proves that while audiences might ex- 
pect and even desire a steady diet of 
lemon meringue, they're happier in the 
long run if you surprise them. 

We don't always succeed on ER. In fact 
I'd say we usually fail. Most of the time 
the show doesn't resonate the way it 
should, like a real drama instead of a 
soap opera. But once in a while we get to 
that higher place, and I’m proud of that. 
PLAYBOY: Countless women drcam of 
some "Wow" moments with your co-star 
Clooney. yet ER's Julianna Margulies 


says you are "the sexy one" in the cast. 
EDWARDS: Actually, George and I pass 
that title back and forth. We have a jack- 
et, the official Sexy Jacket. I'll let George 
wear it for a week or two, then he gives it 
back to me. 

PLAYBOY: What's Clooney like off camera? 
EDWARDS: George is a prankster. He is an 
elf who loves keeping things at a sixth- 
grade level. I'll put my hand in my pock- 
et while we're filming a scene. Suddenly 
I have a handful of petroleum jelly. 
George did it. He loves playing pranks 
on us, and he takes advantage of shoot- 
ing in a hospital full of lubricants. I nev- 
er pick up a phone on the set without 
checking the earpiece first. 

PLAYBOY: Who wins your one-on-one bas- 
ketball games? 

EDWARDS: George is a great athlete. He 
has a good outside shot, the works. So 
my approach is to go to the writers, ask 
them to write that I win. If not, big baby 
Edwards doesn't wanna play. 

PLAYBOY. On the show, Clooney's Dr. 
Doug Ross coaches you on your love life. 
You're friends offscreen too, aren't you? 
EDWARDS: We talk about everything, by 
phone if we're not on the set. It was 
George who told me I had to make the 
most of ER's popularity. We were flying 
to Chicago last winter, and I was com- 
plaining as usual about not getting of- 
fered better movie roles: "How come I’m 
not working for Bertolucci?" George 
said, “Tony, you've been scared." Scared 
to make the most of ER's success. 
PLAYBOY: What were you afraid of? 
EDWARDS: I was cynical. I didn't like 
many of the movies 1 had made, and for 
years I envied the brat packers. But 
maybe I knew I wasn't ready. I knew I 
wasn't the leading-man type, just a skin- 
ny character actor who happened to star 
in a few movies. Not in the Tom Cruise 
category, certainly. And uncomfortable 
with the whole idea of "success" if it 
meant 1 had to promote myself. But fi- 
nally I got tired of hearing myself com- 
plain about how fucked show business 
is—that snobbish excuse—and listened 
to George. Maybe I needed at least a de- 
gree of Tom Cruisery. 

PLAYBOY: You worked with Cruise in Top 
Gun. Tell us about him. 

EDWARDS: When 1 met him he was 18, 
fresh from Kentucky, driving his first 
used Mercedes and driven. Tom was 
charming, kind and incredibly adept at 
the politics of making movies. It's no ac- 
cident he's a big movie star. He has cer- 
tain stuff that can't be acted, something 
movie starry that a few people have that 
makes you stop and look at them. 
PLAYBOY: Today 40 million people look 
at you every week. Some critics attrib- 
ute ER's success to its gritty real-world 
Style 

EDWARDS: Survival style. It's a "How the 
fuck can we get through this?" style. 
Fourteen-hour days with technical med- 
ical dialogue and long oners [the show's 


YOUR BASIC HANGOUT 


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| FILTERS 


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© Philip Morris Inc 1997 
16 mg “tar,” 1.0 mg nicotine av. per cigarette by FTC method. 


PLAYBOY 


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trademark one-shot takes]. Blow one of 
those and it takes forever to reset and try 
again. That pressure keeps the anxiety 
level high. That’s probably what bonded 
the cast in the first place and makes ER 
the happiest set I know of. We don’t have 
time to freak about which actor's chair is 
closer to the camera, who has the most 
lines—all that actorly pettiness that 
comes from boredom and idle minds. 
PLAYBOY: Yet Sherry Stringfield fled the 
show. Why? 

EDWARDS: Sherry was burned out. lt 
wasn't that she wanted a big movie ca- 
reer. She didn't want more money. Most 
people would have stayed on just for the 
money, and they would be miserable 
and make everyone around them miser- 
able. That happens all the time in televi- 
sion. Sherry is a shocking exception, re- 
ally—she's someone who left for the 
right reason. 

PLAYBOY: Her decision was the subplot of 
the year. 

EDWARDS: It was news in the same way 
"who shot J.R." was news. The day I flew 
to Chicago to shoot Sherry's last episode, 
every 20 steps at O'Hare Airport some- 
body said, "Are you getting married? Are 
you two breaking up?" At least it was bet- 
ter than what we usually heard. Some- 
times we would be shooting outdoors in 
Chicago when a carload of guys would 
drive by and ruin the take by yelling, 
"ER sucks!" 


PLAYBOY: Do viewers confuse ER with 
reality? 

EDWARDS: The classic was last year when 
Dr. Mark Greene wouldn't go to Hawaii 
with Dr. Susan Lewis. Women kept com- 
ing up to me in the supermarket, saying, 
“You pussy. What's wrong with you?" 
Like it was my fault. I'd say, "Hey, I just 
want to buy somc avocados." 

PLAYBOY: How did you keep the secret of 
Stringfield's decision? 

EDWARDS: For six months I knew she was 
leaving, but I was the only one. We 
couldn't let the story leak. Sherry and I 
had the only scripts with our last scene in 
them. The rest of the scripts on the set 
were dummies, with a fake ending: 
We're at the train station when Dr. 
Greene says, "I love you." She says, "I 
love you, too. I'm coming back." And we 
get her stuff off the train. I still miss 
working with Sherry. It was fun last year, 
keeping our secret from the world. 
PLAYBOY: Dr. Lewis got a farewell party. 
Did the cast throw one for Sherry? 
EDWARDS: No. It was a sad moment. But 
we are retiring her number. I'm listed 
as number one on the daily call sheet, 
George is number two, Eriq LaSalle's 
number three and Sherry was number 
four. We're going to make a big number 
four and hang it on the soundstage, and 
nobody can ever be number four on the 
call sheet again. 

PLAYBOY: What about the family atmo- 


sphere on the set? Did that affect her 
decision? 

EDWARDS: Absolutely. Sherry and I talked 
about that. She didn't want to be the 
one who complained all the time. We all 
feel that sort of behavior is inexcusable. 
What's worse than some wealthy actor 
whining and throwing hissy fits? That 
kind of actor sucks all the energy to him- 
self and insults others, including the 
crew, and the crew works harder than 
anybody. Sherry didn’t want to do that. 
But she was scared to leave, too, because 
in a sense her decision was against every- 
thing we're all there for. It was like say- 
ing, "You're all part of something I don't 
want to be in." She struggled with that. 
PLAYBOY: How did you resolve it? 
EDWARDS: We understood. Sherry didn't 
have to worry. We just wanted her to be 
happy and to get on with her life. 
PLAYBOY: How will the show evolve? 
EDWARDS: Every television series has a 
beginning, a middle and an end. You 
want to keep the beginning going as 
long as you can. Then stretch the middle 
and hope for a very quick end, because 
in TV that end phase gets awful. ER isn't 
a cheap imitation of its former self yet. 
But one day it will be, because that hap- 
pens to even the best television. Eventu- 
ally it gets stupid. I just hope I'm gone 
before it happens to us. 

PLAYBOY: Is Lewis' departure the end of 
ER's beginning? 


EDWARDS: No, I think we're still hanging 
around the beginning stage. We're 
telling good stories. People still love the 
show. But I think the middle vill start 
sometime this year. After that we might 
be in trouble. 

PLAYBOY: How much of Greene is real- 
ly you? 

EDWARDS: І hope I'm not as socially inad- 
equate as he is. Greene is jammed up— 
incredibly bottled up emotionally. I'm 
happily marricd. Hc is lost in his world 
of medicine and the ER, addicted to it. 
PLAYBOY: Would you say that he's clinical- 
ly addicted? 

EDWARDS: Yes. He is an ER junkie. Some 
emergency-room doctors live for the 
rush they get at work. They want that 
adrenaline rush so much they'll let it de- 
stroy the rest of their lives. 

PLAYBOY: For all his professional skills, 
Greene is one of the schmuckier TV he- 
roes ever. Do you feel sorry for him? 
EDWARDS: Greene has his worries. I sort 
of like them. Before you feel sorry for 
him, remember that he is happy in his 
work. He's good at it. He is doing what 
he wants. If he had really wanted to save 
his marriage he probably could have 
done it, but he let it go. That tells you 
something. Of course, that was before he 
knew Sherry Stringfield would leave! 
PLAYBOY: How did you research the role? 
EDWARDS: I hung around an ER. It's 
an alien world. One thing you notice is 


that when doctors and nurses reach for 
things, they do it without looking. They 
know exactly where everything is; that's 
how comfortable they are in their space. 
And every doctor is different. Surgeons 
want their own music when they work. 
Some of them want to have physical con- 
tact with patients, but some have an 
aversion to touching people. 

It's tough to be around pain and nasty 
stuff all the time. Sick homeless people 
don't go to the nice wing at Cedars-Sinai, 
you know. They're all at the ER. For me, 
though, the worst surprise was the 
sound of the place. You can separate 
yourself from visual things; I saw a guy 
with his arm lying open, all the bones 
showing, and felt technical about it. Cu- 
rious. But sounds are more like music. 
They go straight to the emotions. To 
hear groaning, people who've been shot, 
children in pain—that stays with you. 
PLAYBOY: You've called ER a soap opera. 
What's coming up for Greene? 

EDWARDS: I've complained about his sex 
life. That's why I was pleased this year 
that I got a good sexual relationship with 
one of the nurses, a beautiful nurse 
played by Laura Cerón. There had been 
enough of Greene doing his virgin act, 
“God, I wonder what sex is like.” 

PLAYBOY: There has been a sexual charge 
in your work at least as far back as 
Top Gun. You and Cruise played banter- 
ing buddies, macho fighter pilots who 


called each other "dear" and "darling" 
in the locker room. 

EDWARDS: The usual coarse machismo 
never appealed to me. Maybe it's be- 
cause I grew up doing high school plays 
and taking dance classes, but my sensi- 
bility has always been closer to homosex- 
ual than macho male eroticism. Even to- 
day, if I go into a room and there's one 
bunch of guys talking about pussy and 
another group discussing music, I'll go 
stand with the gay guys. 

My best friend is gay. He came out to 
me—trusted me with that—and it may 
have been the finest moment of friend- 
ship I've ever had. I used to be a pretty 
boy and was always getting hit on by gay 
men. If anything, those experiences 
made me stronger in my identity as a 
straight man. 1 never had that common 
insecure fear—sitting in the locker room 
thinking, Oh God, what if I'm attracted 
to a football player? 

PLAYBOY: Were you flattered to be hit on? 
EDWARDS: It was annoying. It made me 
think, This is what women have to put 
up with all the fucking time. 

PLAYBOY: You're strong enough to block 
unwanted advances, though. 

EDWARDS: I'm 6/1" now, but I didn't start 
growing until I was 17. At 16 I looked 
12. My first driver's license read 5/8", 125 
pounds because that was my goal. I was 
really 55”, 105. 

PLAYBOY: What were you like during your 


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high school days? 

EDWARDS: I drove around playing show 
tunes and fames Taylor tapes in my 
Honda Civic. I had a terribly elevated 
Broadway sort of vision of what love 
might be. I would go out with a girl, 
we'd make out for hours and then final- 
ly I would say, “We can't have sex. I'm 
not sure that I'm in love with you." This 
went on until I was 18 and finally did 
have sex, and I wondered why I had 
waited so long. 

She was 24 or 25. She worked with my 
manager and flirted with a group of 
young actors, Eric Stoltz and me and a 
few others. In our eyes she was a sexy 
older woman. I was going to Europe for 
the summer to study and see plays. She 
cooked me a bon voyage dinner. We 
went to a Clint Eastwood movie and end- 
ed up at her house, having a beer. She 
kept leaving the room and coming back 
with less and less clothing on. I was terri- 
fied. We had sex and it was very quick, as 
a lot of us probably remember. I sneaked 
out at five in the morning. 

PLAYBOY: Did you go on your summer 
voyage? 

EDWARDS: Hitchhiked around Europe, 
saw plays in Greece and London. Here I 
was, straight out of high school, seeing 
Paul Scofield in Amadeus in the West 
End. And Kenneth Branagh and Emma 
Thompson doing Twelfth Night and As 
You Like It. They were my age. It got me 
fired up as an actor. 

PLAYBOY: You studied at the Royal Acade- 
my in London, then came home to your 
first acting jobs. 

EDWARDS: Commercials. I would drive 
down from Santa Barbara to Los Ange- 
les to audition. I got to do commer- 
cials—McDonald's, Wheaties and Coun- 
try Time lemonade. 

PLAYBOY: You knew Shakespeare but de- 
livered lines such as “I get the eaties for 
my Wheaties." 

EDWARDS: But if a national commercial 
plays a lot, the checks keep hitting your. 
mailbox. I made $20,000 that year. It 
paid for college. 

PLAYBOY: You studied acting at USC. 
EDWARDS: I did all the acting school exer- 
cises. The animal squawk—taking the 
rhythms and images of animals for your 
characters. Somebody like Dick Hickock, 
the character I play in In Cold Blood, 
might be a fox or a snake. 

PLAYBOY: How about Greene? 

An owl. He thinks too much. 
's also capable of attack. He could 
lash out like a bird of prey. 

PLAYBOY: You were a teenager when you 
made Fast Times at Ridgemont High, the 
film that launched the careers of Sean 
Penn, Jennifer Jason Leigh and other 
young actors. 

EDWARDS: I was lost. Jennifer and Sean 
had worked before and were known 
within our young-actor world. Sean's fa- 
ther was a director, so Scan obviously 
knew what he was doing. Even at that 


age he was a film actor. Part of his prepa- 
ration for the Spicoli character, as a lot of 
people know, was that he took his own 
apartment and stayed in character al- 
most all the time. What flattered me is 
that he took me along. He let me see him 
out of character. We went to the desert 
and target-shot and got lost there, wan- 
dering the desert. I wound up following 
Sean wherever he went. 
PLAYBOY: Did he give you advice? 
EDWARDS: He told me something I use to 
this day: "Your best friend is the camera 
operator." Because in film, if you're try- 
ing to express something, a detail about 
your character, you need feedback. Un- 
less you're going to be bad and obvious 
about it, you need someone watching 
closely to see if your effort is getting 
across. Somebody to double-check your. 
work. The director probably can't do it. 
He's 30 feet away looking at a monitor. 
The other actors have their own work to 
think about. The one guy who really sees 
you is the cameraman. So develop an 
honest relationship with him. As long as 
he isn't afraid to criticize Mr. Big Actor, 
he'll tell you if you're coming across 

Sean told me that on Fast Times. Twen- 
ty movies later I still think it’s important. 
PLAYBOY: How many of your 20 films 
are good? 
EDWARDS: Three or four. Miracle Mile, Mr. 
North, Gotcha! Most of the others didn't 
turn out the way I had hoped. 
PLAYBOY: Even Top Gun? 
EDWARDS: Especially Top Gun. People love 
that big, romantic, wonderful movie 
about planes and flying and all that crap. 
I thought it was jingoistic. I have noth- 
ing against fighter pilots. They fly beau- 
tifully. 1 guess I'm just an old peacenik, 
but I don't believe in killing people. I'm 
wary of simple black-and-white answers 
because that's the way to fascism, and I 
don't believe in war. Everything I do cre- 
atively these days should be a shot at 
what the military stands for. 
PLAYBOY: Yet you wanted the part. 
EDWARDS: Look, Top Gun was everything 
everyone wanted. It was obvious Tony 
Scott was making a huge movie. The stu- 
dio was going to produce and promote 
the shit out of it. Tom Cruise was going 
to be Tom Cruise: huge. 
PLAYBOY: Did you have any worries about 
being outshone by his star power? 
EDWARDS: I knew it was possible. But my 
role was important—the sidekick every- 
one likes. It helps if the lead in a movie 
has friends who represent good things. 
My character was married with a kid, 
and his friendship made Cruise's charac- 
ter seem OK—this driven guy who had 
to be number one at any cost. My prob- 
lem with Yop Gun is that it's really about 
rationalizing bad behavior. Macho one- 
upmanship. And the movie uses my 
nice-guy stuff to help sell it. 

Top Gun was everything I was terrified 
it would be, and everything I wanted. It 
gave me the chance to make Miracle Mile, 


E 
E 
3 
3 
E 
E 
E 
E 
E 


PLAYBOY 


62 


a film that I love. 
PLAYBOY: With Top Gun your career was 
heating up. 
EDWARDS: You know what broke my 
heart? People came up to me and said, 
"Our son joined the Navy because he 
saw you in that movie." I wanted to say, 
“Tell him to get out!” But that wouldn't 
have changed their minds. Still, it's dis- 
turbing to think I may have encouraged 
people to join the Navy. What if one of 
them signed up because he wanted to be 
Goose, and got killed in the Persian 
Gulf? It’s possible that happened. That's 
a scary way to intersect with the culture. 
PLAYBOY: Your affair with Meg Ryan, who 
played your wife in Top Gun, became 
pop-culture news. 
EDWARDS: The only interesting thing was 
that we were both actors. 
PLAYBOY: Why are actors always jumping. 
into bed with their co-stars? 
EDWARDS: You should see what happens 
with the crew. Movie locations are like 
corporate retreats to Hawaii. Every- 
body's away from home. You get tunnel 
vision. Before I met my wife I experi- 
enced that road-show aspect of the job. 
It's easy for actors to become obsessed 
with the movie and the characters, and 
everyone's fighting one enemy, time. It 
all makes a location an easy place for se- 
duction. Actors always look for intimacy 
anyway. When acting works, isn't the 
communication between two people just 
as sensitive and passionate as making 
love? It should be. If not, you're fak- 
ing it. 
PLAYBOY: You directed a recent ER, fight- 
ing time from the other side of the cam- 
era. What did you get out of that? 
EDWARDS: Cappuccino. The camera de- 
partment on ER is very exclusive with its 
cappuccino machine. No actors allowed. 
As director I had cappuccino privileges. 
PLAYBOY: Which actors were difficult? 
EDWARDS: Day players. They have small 
rolesand they're trying to win an Emmy 
in 15 seconds. The director has to calm 
them down. 
PLAYBOY: Quentin Tarantino directed an 
ER episode last year. How calm was that? 
EDWARDS: He's been described as Barney 
Rubble on speed. One thing about acting 
for Quentin: You don't have to rehearse 
much. He acts it out for everyone. He 
does all the characters at once. “OK, 
you’re on the gurney going Aaagh! in 
pain, and you are the doctor over here: 
"Oh, what do I do?'" Another fun thing 
about that week was the way Quentin 
makes everything physical. Bam! He's 
shooting scenes as fast as you can act 
them. And he's visual. That show has a 
bigger-than-life Tarantino look to it. 
"There's a basketball scene with George 
and me—Quentin captured the motion 
of it. There is something endearing 
about Tarantino. The guy has no hid- 
den agendas, and he's passionate about 
everything. 

Т like that episode, but his style isn't. 


mine. I usually try to be smaller than life. 
PLAYBOY: Beyond cappuccino, have you 
raked in any celebrity perks? 

EDWARDS: There was a big perk last year. 
George and I got to take our dads to the 
Super Bowl. NBC flew us in on a private 
jet. We choppered to the stadium and 
had a blast. My dad's eyes were as big as 
saucers. 

PLAYBOY: Are you comfortable as a celeb? 
EDWARDS: It still surprises me the way 
people intrude. They'll say, "I don't want 
to intrude, but. . . .” I want to hold up 
my hands and say, "Wait. You could stop 
right there." But why piss people off? 
Anyway, it’s whiny—complaining about 
having your dinner interrupted when 
there are people being shot in South 
Central Los Angeles, four miles from. 
where you're sitting. When there are 
kids growing up in a horrific reality of 
guns, gangs, drugs and broken families, 
my life is not worth whining about. 
PLAYBOY: You're a frequent talk show 
guest. Who's less intimidating, Leno or 
Letterman? 

EDWARDS: Jay's a little easier. There's less 
tension, it’s more like hanging out. The 
Letterman show can be a cold, tense place, 
literally cold. He figures comedy works 
better cold. So you know it's going to be 
58, maybe 60 degrees. Take a sweater. 
I'm doing Letterman again soon. I'm ner- 
vous already. A few years ago I quit 
smoking on his show. My next time on, 
when he asked how it was going, I said, 
"Nobody likes a quitter." That got a 
laugh. We did a birth on ER and substi- 
tuted an alien baby—I showed the clip 
on Letterman. Got a big laugh. I must be 
doing all right, since they keep asking 
me back. Still, there's something about 
being an actor who does talk shows that 
makes me want to be a carpenter in- 
stead. Trying to capsulize funny anec- 
dotes—career stuff, things I've been do- 
ing with my wife—makes my brain 
freeze up. Now, George is a natural at 
that. He's funny, a great storyteller, a guy: 
people crowd around. I’m more of a 
watcher. So for me, talk shows are an act- 
ing job: Go play the role of comfortable 
actor. And I don't feel great about my 
performances. I worry for weeks before- 
hand. Doing The Tonight Show or Letter- 
man is really the only thing in my career 
that gives me performance anxiety. 
PLAYBOY: Do they compete for your time? 
EDWARDS: There's a story I could tell, but 
1 probably shouldn't. 

PLAYBOY: Aw, go ahead. 

EDWARDS: I wish my wife were here. 
She'd know what I should say. OK... I 
was in the middle of a fight between The 
Tonight Show and Letternan. | had com- 
mitted to Tonight, but suddenly there I 
was in Chicago shooting Sherry's last 
episode. Letterman was there that week, 
so I had to do his show, because I had 
a CBS film to promote, /n Cold Blood. 
So I pulled out of The Tonight Show, caus- 
ing a huge rift. 


PLAYBOY: Maybe Leno's people expected 
fealty because ER and Tonight are on 
NEC. You're still steamed, aren't you? 
EDWARDS: Because they made it person- 
al, dragging me into their war and talk- 
ing about my ethics. I mean, please. 1 
apologized for pulling out. I gave them 
two weeks' notice. And I've shown up 
every other time—been very faithful 
to The Tonight Show. If I were Arnold 
Schwarzenegger they would be asking, 
"When would you like to appear?" But 
they bring up my ethics, treat me like 
I'm fucking them over because I have 
some alliance with Letterman! My re- 
sponse to that is, "Guys, you'd better 
stop hassling me." 

PLAYBOY: What can you do? Would the 
star of ER boycott Tonight? 

EDWARDS: I could stop showing up. 
PLAYBOY: Tonight's late producer, Helen 
Kushnick, was notorious for strong-arm- 
ing guests, but those tactics supposed- 
ly ended years ago. When did all this 
happen? 

EDWARDS: This month. 

PLAYBOY: Leno's people shouted at you? 
EDWARDS: Yes, and it made me really an- 
gry. I'm busting my ass for NBC—ER is 
the number one show for three years 
running, making hundreds of millions 
of dollars for the network and helping 
The Tonight Show do great every Thurs- 
day—and they turn a talk show appear- 
ance into something personal, like I 
want to screw them over. And you know 
what? I think they did it because I seem 
to bea nice guy. “Oh, he’s responsible, so 
lets go after him on responsibility." It 
made me wonder: Am I really perceived 
as that much of a wimp? 

PLAYBOY: You could tell them you're not 
really a nice guy, that you only play one 
on TV. 


EDWARDS: Pissed me off. 
PLAYBOY: Let's move to other irritants. 
You quit smoking on Letterman, then 
started again. Are you still lighting up? 
EDWARDS: No. I used patches and quit. 
But not until after /n Cold Blood. Y 
smoked during that movie because the 
character smoked. That was a great rea- 
son to do the movie: I got to smoke at 
work. There was another bonus on /n 
Cold Blood: Y got to wear a little wig. 
PLAYBOY: Tell us about your famously 
thinning hair. Does balding bother you? 
EDWARDS; Why is there such vanity about 
hair? People talk about my hair as if I'd 
just gotten my chemo report. But does 
my head get cold in the winter? Will I be 
ostracized, banned from outdoor activi- 
ties? Probably not. Here's my view on all 
that: I worry if I shit myself. I am vain to 
that degree. I make a point to bathe. I 
worry about boogers in my nose and I 
ask the makeup artist to cover up my 
pimples, but beyond that I try not to be 
too vain. 
PLAYBOY: The hair topics not taboo. 
"There was a subplot on ER in which a 
(continued on page 171) 


AN 


WHAT SORT OF MAN READS PLAYBOY? 


He's a man who likes his action close up, whether it's photographing runway models or an Ever- 
glades gator. Naturally, he consults his favorite magazine to find the latest equipment. Last year, 
PLAYBOY men spent more than $82.6 million on camera purchases. PLAYBOY reaches nearly 70 
percent more 35mm camera owners than Men's Health and almost twice as many as GQ. 
Month in and month out, nobody captures the action like PLAYBOY. (Source: 1996 MRI.) 


64 


A 
«like Me: 


why can't a feminist have a boob job? jane fonda 


knew what she was doing, and so do i 


article By Jan Breslauer 


“О, reason not the need: Our lasest leggars/Are in the poorest thing superfluous.” 


O ONE needs larger breasts, 

it’s true, and neither do I. Yet 

here I am, in the office of a 

Beverly Hills plastic surgeon: 
Mecca for the mammarily challenged. 
It's the middle of a fall weekday after- 
noon and I'm anything but alone in 
this girlish waiting room, with its faux- 
antique furnishings, flower motifs and 
art prints in cheery colors. There's 
a heavily made-up matron with a 
bleached blonde bouffant, her hang- 
dog husband in tow. A stylish, large 
black woman is talking with somebody 
named Sherman on her cell phone. 
And then there's me—a short, sweats- 
clad journalist in her 305, filling out the 
forms I've just been given. 

As I wade through four pages of 
medical-history questions, I overhear 
the office manager fielding calls. 
“That's right. Her breasts are two total- 
ly different sizes. 1 always order an ex- 
tra one in case something's wrong. 
"That's why I need this one too, for 
"Thursday. OK, thanks." Click. “Hello, 
Plastic and Reconstructive Surgery. 
Hey there, woman! How are you do- 


ing? How are your breasts?" 

After a while, I'm called in. I'm not 
used to discussing my breasts, let alone 
displaying them in all their minimalist 
splendor, so I'm a little nervous. I 
think, Maybe I shouldn't have worn a 
Wonderbra. Fortunately, visions of dé- 
colletage keep me motivated, and soon 
the doctor arrives. "Hi. Sorry to keep 
you waiting, I'm Dr.” Wait a 
minute, hold it. What's a nice girl like 
me doing in a place like this? I'm not 
centerfold material, not by a long shot. 
Rather than a 36-26-36 with a Data 
Sheet, I'm a В.А.-М.А.-М.ЕА. with a 
curriculum vitae. My turn-ons are well- 
articulated arguments, not limbs, and 
my turnoffs run more toward mis- 
placed modifiers and boilerplate prose 
than, say, “mean people” and “bullies.” 
Nor am I an actress, model or strip- 
per—the kind of woman who needs 
nice tits the way I need a modem and a 
fax machine. As a print journalist, I 
don't get extra points for looks. 

I should also mention that I consider 
myself a feminist. Sure, I know the par- 
ty line on breast augmentation—that 


PAINTING BY MARCO VENTURA 


—KING LEAR 


women who have the surgery are the 
oppressed victims of a patriarchal cul- 
ture. In a word, boobs. In fact, I used 
to teach feminist theory at Yale and the 
University of California. But the moldy 
notion that boob jobs are a sign, or 
even a part, of women's oppression has 
seen its day. It's an insult to female in- 
telligence. Jane Fonda knew what she 
was doing, and so do I. 

So do many women today—almost 
50,000 a year, according to the Ameri- 
can Society of Plastic and Reconstruc- 
tive Surgeons. The bosom business is 
booming. Like jet travel, the surgical 
fix has gone middle class. More than 
half of the plastic surgery procedures 
today are performed on people who 
make less than $50,000 a year. Yet our 
thinking on the topic lags way behind. 

Why are so many women having 
their tits fixed? It's not because we're 
regressing, despite what the return of 
polyester pantsuits suggests. On the 
Contrary it's because women have 
more power today. Once, the boob job 
symbolized the way that women were 
treated as objects, locked out of the 


PLAYBOY 


mainstream, kept beneath the glass 
ceiling. But today it stands more as 
а sign that women have gained pow- 
er, that they've become subjects rath- 
er than objects of history. Some men 
pride themselves on being self-made. 
Now women are free to become self- 
made. The boob job has become the 
latest expression of the American love 
of self-creation. 

Now, I'm not saying that boob jobs 
aren't the invention of testosterone cul- 
ture. Of course they are. Of course our 
society is still sexist. But that’s not go- 
ing to change any time soon. Here's 
the choice: You can rail at an imperfect 
world, or go get yourself a great pair of 
bazongas. Which I did. 


CALIFORNIA OR BUST 


My mother has large, lovely breasts. 
When I was a girl, we used to call them 
her pookies (rhymes with cookies), 
though I'm not sure why. She and my 
father raised me to be a feminist. Гуе 
always found these two family facts 
complementary, not contradictory. 
Naturally, I picked up the ideology. I 
also inherited my dad's chest. 

As an adolescent growing up in Cali- 
fornia during the Seventies, 1 didn't 
give much thought to breasts, mine or 
anyone else's. I had decent ones for my 
age. Besides, the Brady girls weren't 
exactly stacked either, as I recall. I was 
horse crazy and spent most of my TV 
time with Mr. Ed, so maybe I didn't 
pay enough attention. 1 wasn't think- 
ing about a boob job for myself back 
then—plastic surgery wasn't yet a com- 
mon practice. It was something only 
movie stars did, largely because only 
they could afford it. 

Many years later, following a teach- 
ing stint in New Haven, I moved back 
to California, where 1 taught at UCSD 
and UCLA. This was in the late Eight- 
ies, and I was lecturing to students who 
didn't know much about the women's 
lib movement. Frequenily, I'd include 
feminist criticism in my courses, and 
that would prompt discussions of such 
matters as the case against "beauty" 
practices. For those of you who cut 
class or slept through the Seventies, 
here's a quick review. 

Basically, the classic feminist objec- 
tion to boob jobs and the like is that 
women shouldn't conform to male-cre- 
ated ideals of beauty. Although Barbie 
was created by a woman, the sisters 
have a point. It's that unnatural, ulıra- 
skinny-yer-stacked standard, after all, 
that prompts so many girls to starve, 
loathe and otherwise abuse themselves. 
Yes, women are judged by their jugs. If 
you don't buy that, flip forward a few 
pages and tell me what you see. 

"The question for a woman is how to 
deal with this, and that's where I part 


ways with the bra-burners. For today's 
female, maintaining self-esteem is part- 
ly about damage control. You have to 
recognize the point at which battling 
an oppression (or an oppressor) takes 
more energy than it's worth. If you 
spend too much effort fighting some- 
thing or someone, that thing still has 
power over you. It's sometimes better 
to acknowledge that the injustice exists 
and get on with your life. 

Let's consider an example: If a teen- 
ager is so self-conscious about his acne 
that he won't leave the house, the zits, 
you might say, have won. But if a lit- 
tle dermatology clears things up and 
makes the kid more comfortable going 
out, the zits have been neutralized. Or 
let's take it even closer to home, into 
the gender-specific zone. Men have 
hair transplants and penis enlarge- 
ments, but people don't presume they 
do it to conform to a female-created 
ideal, or to please women. So why are 
women who have their tits done 
thought to be oppressed by male stan- 
dards, or seen as trying to please men? 
Sure, it would be great if we lived in a 
world where all body shapes and sizes 
were equally valued, and neither men 
nor women felt the need to "correct" 
something that’s not wrong in the first 
place. But we don't. Fortunately, anato- 
my isn't destiny. At least not anymore. 


OFFTHE RACK 


It had been a slow year. I was in a ca- 
reer rut that was nothing to titer 
about. My morale was in need of a 
boost—something more than a haircut. 
and less than a life overhaul. I'm lousy 
at vacations and don't really like them. 
So I was having trouble thinking of 
what I could do to give myself a lift, as 
it were. Finally, a lightbulb went on 
above my head. Or maybe it was a 
glowing teat. 

Once I'd decided to look into a boob. 
job—an idea I'd toyed with for years— 
1 put my journalistic skills to work. My 
research began with the aesthetics of 
breast size. If anything were possible— 
and I didn’t know how much could be 
made of what little I had—did I want to 
be bodacious or merely buxom? There 
is such a thing as too big. 

The more important question was 
about health. 1 have friends who've 
found lumps, so I wanted to know what. 
effect, if any, saline implants might 
have on my mammograms. As it 
turned out, the answer is probably 
none. (A word here about silicone im- 
plants. Despite the Dow Corning prod- 
uct-liability settlement in 1994, the sci- 
entific evidence that has emerged since 
then has failed to prove a correlation 
between the implants and the autoim- 
munc diseases reported by some wom- 
en. Studies at both Harvard and the 


Mayo Clinic have found that women 
who have implants aren't any more 
likely to contract immune-system dis- 
orders than women who don't have 
them. Siding with the scientists, the 
courts have also rejected women's com- 
plaints. But it doesn't matter anyway, 
since the Food and Drug Administra- 
tion took silicone implants off the mar- 
ket in 1992.) 

During this reconnaissance mission, 
I became boob-obsessed. I amassed a 
stack of publications. My in-depth 
reading ranged from D-Cup maga- 
zine ("Bra-bustin' Lesbos in Heat," 
*Please Squeeze My Big Ones") to the 
FDA-Department of Health and Hu- 
man Services’ bulletin Information for 
Women Considering Saline-filled Breast 
Implants. 

I also began making note of beauty 
molls in the culture, from the Roseanne 
show to the Queen Nefertiti exhibit at 
the Metropolitan Museum of Art. The 
redone Roseanne, who had struck a 
postop pose on the cover of Vanity Fair, 
was now paying weekly tribute to her 
surgical transformation with a series of 
stills in the opening credits of her TV 
show. And when she and her fictional 
hubby struck it rich in the show's plot, 
Roseanne Conner announced that she 
was going to “get me a ton of plastic 
surgery.” I admire her candor—Cher's, 
too. Both are also outspoken feminists. 

There are plenty of feminists who 
have had plastic surgery. Most of them 
just don't talk about it. (And I’m not 
going to out them.) What needs to be 
acknowledged, by these women and 
others, is that boob jobs aren't incom- 
patible with feminist goals. If implants 
make a woman feel better about her- 
self, why not? Even old-school femi- 
nistas, after all, would go to the mat for 
à woman's right to do what she wants 
with her body. 

For many women, the boob job is a 
career move, though not because of the 
change it makes in their appearance. 
Just as a sports car can make a man feel 
Successful, a great pair of maracas can 
make a woman feel, well, uplifted—or, 
more to the point, confident. 

We all create ourselves—whether it's 
how we look or what we choose to say, 
do and believe. To be the author of 
one's own fate, and by extension one's 
self, is part of the Western notion of the 
heroic. When Shakespeare's Cori- 
olanus announces that he's not going 
to be a wimp anymore, he says he'll 
“stand, /Аѕ if a man were author of 
himself, /And knew no other kin.” If 
Coriolanus were alive today, he'd at 
least have an ab-cruncher. 


IN WHICH LOIS SHOWS ME HER BOOB. 


Once I had the skinny on augmenta- 
tion mammaplasty—not to mention a 


“Га like to know what the hell it is that you doctors pump 


through these life-support systems! 


PLAYBOY 


fierce desire to fill the white beaded 
bustier that waited in my bedroom—I 
began the doctor hunt. I'd already 
weeded out the schlockmeisters, the 
ones who really aren't specialists but 
are just dabbling in a lucrative field. 
Then, working from a list of AsPRs-cer- 
tified doctors I'd compiled, I started 
making the rounds. 

The first couple of doctors patron- 
ized me to the point of distraction, 
telling me what to do with my breasts, 
as well as what other body parts I 
ought to consider remodeling. Then I 
happened upon Dr. Harry Marshak. 
An L.A.-raised prodigy who graduated. 
from medical school at 22, he's as cre- 
dentialed as they come and up on all 
the latest techniques. He's also a conge- 
nial workaholic with a touch of shyness 
around the edges, a clean-cut guy's guy 
who fits the occasional Lakers game in- 
to his six-day workweek. 

What I liked best about Dr. Marshak, 
though, was that he listened well and 
gave direct answers to my questions. I 
wasn't thrilled that he was young and 
attractive. Somehow, having my less- 
than-best feature scrutinized, poked 
and pondered would have been easier. 
if the doctor were a sexless codger, or 
at least legally blind. But you can't have 
everything. 

Dr. Marshak is quite a busy man. 
Lately, he tells me during one early vis- 
it, he has been turning out tits like trib- 
bles. "I'm doing at least three or four 
breast surgeries a week, sometimes 
more,” he says. “It’s the most popular.” 
He explains the procedure. When we 
turn to the matter of just how gener- 
ously endowed 1 would like my own 
foundations to be, Dr. Marshak pro- 
duces a copy of a well-known magazine 
to help define the terms. “That's Karen 
[not her real name], one of our clients,” 
he says. “Now these,” he says, point- 
ing to another pair, “are probably large 
Cs. Hers are maybe small Cs. Those 
are definitely Ds." Given that I'm 
short and not looking to put Heather 
Hooters out of work any time soon, we 
agree that 1 want large Cs or possibly 
small Ds. 

Lois, Dr. Marshak's office adminis- 
trator, is a petite, vivacious woman of 
about 30. It's her job to go over the 
specifics and answer whatever further 
questions the patients may have. When 
we're alone, she produces a mug book 
of before-and-after shots. I learn that 
the procedure, including follow-up vis- 
its, will cost $5600 (plus $176 in lab 
fees, not to mention parking), and that 
I probably won't lose any time from 
work. Lois then mentions that the doc- 
tor recently did her boobs and even 
pulls up her shirt to show me one, so 
that I can sce what the finished prod- 
uct looks like. I'm no connoisseur, but 


it looks great to me. Lois says she did it 
for herself. 

That rings a bell. This is about my 
selfimage, certainly not my husband's 
image of me (the idea of a boob job, un- 
like, say, voting trends from various 
L.A. precincts, has never crossed his 
mind). Lois and I may be pretty far 
apart on a number of demographic in- 
dicators, but on this (and a penchant 
for purple nail polish) we are in sync. 
Some feminists (and a lot of other ists, 
for that matter) tend to dismiss what 
Jane Doe has to say about why she does 
what she does: Poor Jane labors under 
false consciousness, of course. But I 
know it’s not just me, Lois and Jane 
who feel this way. 

Still, the boob job is a magnet for 
some of the most retro feminist myths, 
such as: Only bimbos want larger 
breasts. Or that women do it to gratify 
their men. Oh please. I am woman, 
hear me snore. By and large, guys, this 
bud's not for you. But you do get to en- 
joy the view. 


STACKED LIKE ME. 


The early morning fog has yet to rise 
when I do, around four А.М. on an Oc- 
tober morning. An hour later, a town 
car arrives to drive me to the surgery 
center. It is driven by a mustachioed 
Armenian émigré who calls himself. 
Jack, though his real name is Yacob. I 
get in the backseat and we head west. 
After a mile or so, the silence hangs 
heavy. I try to be conversational, which 
is a stretch at this hour. I ask if he has 
children—it turns out that he has a 14- 
year-old daughter—and this triggers a 
sad story that lasts most of the rest of 
the crosstown drive. 

Yacob married young, but his wife 
was "sick in the head" from an early 
age, as he explains in his not-quite-flu- 
ent English. Pm not sure what he 
means, but it sounds like some kind of 
intermittent mental illness. Her par- 
ents, it seems, believed that once their 
daughter was married, her ailment 
would disappear. Needless to say, it 
didn’t. A downward spiral of violent 
episodes and what sounds like severe 
depression ensued. Finally, Yacob pre- 
vailed upon a doctor to explain his 
wife's illness to him and then became 
furious at her parents for having done 
nothing for so long. Treatment was be- 
gun, probably too late, and the young 
wife died while awaiting an operation 
of some kind. 

This is one hell of a story to hear on 
the way to a boob job, but it puts things 
in perspective. The wife's tale—partic- 
ularly her parents' reluctance to admit 
their daughter's problem, perhaps be- 
cause they feared not being able to 
marry her off or some other social stig- 
ma—strikes me as a good example of 


the oppression millions of women still 
suffer. A voluntary breast augmenta- 
tion, by contrast, does not. 

We arrive at the Beverly Hills Ambu- 
latory Surgery Center, on the fourth 
floor of a Sunset Strip high-rise, and I 
part ways with Yacob. Inside the office, 
I sign the consent forms and then re- 
pair to a dressing room, where 1 trade 
my clothes for a paper gown and show- 
er cap. Soon, I'm on the table with an 
IV in my arm, trying to convince the 
nurscs that they don't necd to remove 
my nose ring. Dr. Marshak arrives and 
we go into the bathroom, where he 
takes some "before" photos. He then 
brandishes a felt-tip pen and proceeds 
to draw his battle plan on my body. 
Back on the bed, I start floating off in- 
to drugland. The last thing I remem- 
ber is a parting glance at the anesthe 
ologist's chest hair (quite nice), which is 
peeking out over the V-neck of his 
scrubs. 

When I wake up, there's a small gag- 
gle of nurses hovering over me, cooing 
about how happy I'm going to be with 
my new breasts. I glance down and—lo 
and behold, yes!—there’s a bundle of 
joy on my chest, and it’s not a baby. 
"The bandaged arca above my rib cage 
is protruding. Noticeably. Wow. The 
miracle of modern science. 


POSTOPSCRIFT 


Гуе had bigger bazooms for four 
months now. My erstwhile barely Bs 
are now borderline Ds. Formal dress 
events have become cleavage-display 
opportunities. And lingerie shopping 
isn't just a job, it's an adventure. 

My career is still not where I would 
like it to be, but I do feel better about it 
for having increased my bra size. The 
boob job, you see, made me focus on 
how far I've come: At the very least, I 
have arrived at a point where I can go 
out and buy myself a new pair of head- 
lights if I want to. As Dr. Marshak sug- 
gested ar the end of one of my postop 
visits, "If somebody asks if they're 
yours, tell them, ‘Yes, I bought them 
myself.” 

What's most satisfying is that these 
home improvements—are you with 
me, Martha S.?—were my own doing. 
OK, mine and Dr. Marshak's. Instead 
of conünuing to feel self-conscious 
about a feature that had bothered me 
for years, I changed it. Despite what 
our current victim culture tells us, it's 
as simple as that. It was time and mon- 
ey well spent. If I had another pair, 1 
would do it again. And I got an article 
out of it to boot. What more could a 
girl ask for? 

My cups runneth over. 

As journalists sign off, 30 (well, 34D). 


ww BRANDI BRAND] 


ten years later, our favorite rock baby has come of age 


Brandi's 1987 centerfold (top left] was the first of many PLAYBOY appearances, including a cover stint as an almost-buttoned-up Wall 
Streeter for our August 1989 issue (above lef). One decade later (above) she remains a market winner. Did time stand still, or what? 


charm of someone poised to take on the world. To be sure, the Filipino-German-Irish-Cherokee Californian was des- 
tined from the beginning to favor life's express lane: Her mom is veteran Los Angeles rocker Brie Howard, and 
Brandi's earliest memories include attending an Alice Cooper concert when she was two. So it was no surprise that after 
spending her teen years in her dad's quieter Sacramento digs, Brandi headed back to Los Angeles—and the spotlight. “I want 
serious success,” she told pLaysoy in her smashing debut pictorial in October 1987. “I think I have a lot of thrills ahead of me.” 


S HE WAS JUST 18 when we made her acquaintance and already Brandi was brimming with the energy, passion and 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY ARNY FREYTAG 


These days, being Brandi Brandt is a full-time, whirl- 
wind job. Formerly married to Nikki Sixx of Motley 
Crue (above), she is the busy mother of three and 
olso a famous personality in her own right. Daugh- 
ter of LA. rocker Brie Howard, she hangs out with 
a string of lucky escorts such os Jon Lovitz (inset). 


“It’s interesting, but | found it easier to pose for these pictures than for my centerfold,” says Brandi, letting her hair down one more time 
for PLAYBOY's comeras. "Bock then | wos a kid fresh out of 


74 


FICTION BY G 


EORGE SINGLETON 


Could ve 


d You 
If You 
Кайл ї 
Asked 


ESMOND wanted to make a 

movie called Chickens. He 

wasn't sure if he had the 

imagination to pull it off, 

and he had no hope of 
grants or investors. The one thing he 
did possess was a beautiful but crazy 
wife, though I didn't know about her 
right off. 

I had no money either, of course, but 
was getting some notoriety as a vision- 
ary, what with the patch of gray hair on 
the back of my head that looked just 
like the CBS eyeball logo. Also, I'd pre- 
dicted three Kentucky Derby winners 
ina row, the date of Black Monday and 
Hurricane Hugo's strength, time and 
place of landing. 

I could see, understand. 

Desmond said, "I know what I want 
to do. I just want you to give me the 
green light, guy. I call it Chickens for 
two reasons. First off there will be 
chickens in every scene—somewhere 
strutting in the background, maybe. 
Second, I want to train the camera on 
people and ask them about what they 


DESMOND'S WIFE MADE 


WELDON FORGET THE 


FIRST LAW OF THE SOUTH: 


DON'T COON DOG WHAT'S 


ALREADY BEEN TREED 


fear more than anything else. I want 
a man to look into the camera and 
say, "The gang violence around here is 
scaring me more than cornered rats.’ 
Meanwhile he'll be eating a piece of 
fried chicken. That's subtext, man. I 
want to see a kid riding a go-cart in cir- 
cles around his parents’ shack, going 
through a herd of chickens." 

I said, “I don't think it’s a herd. I 
think it's a clutch or a brood. You 
might want to get that down before try- 
ing to approach investors. It's a bed of 
clams and a cloud of gnats and a 
sounder of boars. It's a troop of mon- 
keys and a knot of toads—that's my fa- 
vorite, a knol of toads.” I'd memorized. 
The World Almanac ‘cause it had this 
kind of information. 

Desmond stood there in the small 
kitchen of my small cabin. I drank Old 
Crow mixed with ginger ale and milk 
thistle to help replenish my liver. I'd 
been sitting there almost nonstop—not 
always drinking, obviously—since get- 
ting fired from my job a year earlier at 
Coca-Cola in (continued on page 78) 


ILLUSTRATION BY CHARLES BURNS 


0 EN Y) 
SS SI 
N N 
IM 


TOBACCO Road 


who says 
you shouldn’t 
play with fire? 


Premium cigars demand premium accessories, a standard that also pertains to 
pipes. Far left to right: LeRoy Neiman Selection for Playboy by Don Diego cigars 
in a limited edition of 5000 numbered boxes ($500 for a box of 25). English-made 
pewter cigar flosk that holds a favorite corona and severa! ounces of liquor, from 
Baekgaard, Ltd. ($60). The Peterson Antique Collection consists of the four walnut 
briar pipes with sterling silver bands shown here ($225 each or $900 for the set 
in a fitted leather cose). Sterling silver Cigar Savor with gold-plated trim snuffs 
out a lit smoke and keeps it fresh for relighting ($240). Other styles are avail- 
able. This limited-edition gold-plated Garman Joma cigar cutter is shaped like a 
stogie ($130). A solid brass version is $45. S.T. Dupont's double-flamed Maduro 
cigar lighter is made of Chinese lacquer with 18-kt. gold trim ($930). Silver-plot- 
ed ashtray from Pavillon Christofle ($135). French-made natural sycamore Med- 
als humidor by Elie Bleu ($1695) holds a selection of Diana Silvius 2000 cigors 
(about $190 for a box of 25), both from the Up Down Tobacco Shop in Chicago. 


WHERE & HOW TO BUY ON PAGE 152. 


PLAYBOY 


78 


ICould ve Told YOU coninuea fron page zo 


Her T-shirt read VOTE YOUR UTERUS. It gave me the 
creeps. I couldn't keep my eyes off it. 


Atlanta. I had worked in an advisory 
and public relations capacity, but I'd 
been on a downward run with the 
higher-ups ever since I said publicly 
that the new Coke they wanted to mar- 
ket wouldn't work whatsoever. 

Desmond said, “You know I'm not as 
smart as some people think I am. I'll 
admit that. You know my wife wants to 
leave me because she has fulfillment is- 
sues. She says I'm not performing to 
what she saw as my capacity when we 
married.” 

I said, "You're going to have to give 
me a minute to think this one out. It 
might take me some time to puzzle out 
what Hollywood wants and what the 
people want.” 

Desmond said, "I need some time to 
write the script anyway." 

He wore a pair of khakis that didn't 
quite fit anymore. They hung down 
low, and his stomach stuck out like a sil- 
houette of Stone Mountain down in 
Georgia. Desmond and his nutty wife 
moved from New York down to Christ 
Almighty, North Carolina about the 
same time I made enough money to 
move up and buy a summer cabin, long 
before I understood that 1 might have 
to move there for good. Desmond 
thought he'd absorb some of the South 
for the best-selling novel he planned to 
write, but the South absorbed him. 

Desmond pulled out the chair across 
from me and sat down. I said, "There's 
а job down in Tryon with First Realty. 
They're looking for someone to put up 
FOR SALE signs. I think they pay ten 
bucks to put up a sign and five for 
pulling it down once the house is sold. 
Here's what you do— get the job. Put 
vp thesigns. At night drive around and 
knock the signs down. They'll ask you 
to put the signs back up and you'll get 
paid twice. Let's say you only do ten 
signs a week. Thar's only $100 a week. 
But if you keep knocking them down, 
you could make fifty bucks morc. Plus 
you get the $5 for what sells." I men- 
tion this conversation to show that, 
contrary to his subsequent claims, I 
told him all these scams before I ever 
laid eyes on his wife. 

Desmond said, “1 want to make 
movies. Films, dude. I've given up 
writing novels about upper-middle- 
dass people trying to find out about 
themselves in new and exciting ways." 

I got up and made another drink 
without as much milk thistle because I 
felt dangerous. 1 said, "After you make 


the money by peckering around with 
real estate agents, go put down money 
on a lush apartment. You put down 
one month's rent and the security de- 
posit. Pay in cash. Lie about your 
name. Then place a want ad in the pa- 
pers for the apartment for about half 
what you pay." 

Desmond said, 
want to go to jail." 

“You ain't going to jail, man," I said. 
“You're a filmmaker. How many film- 
makers are in jail, outside of that guy 
who can't come back to America for 
what he did with an underage female?" 

Desmond held his head funny. I told 
him to get some nice furniture, tell 
prospective renters that he'd gotten a 
one-year job somewhere and wanted to 
keep the apartment. 1 told him to get a 
post office box and a telephone his wife 
wouldn't know about. 

Desmond said, "Five people a day 
come in for one month. I show them 
the apartment, say it's furnished and 
take their money?" 

I said, "Ask for cash. Say you don't 
believe in checks. Give them receipts. 
In no time you got enough money to 
make your movie.” Before Desmond 
could think about it I said, "Three 
hundred dollars for the first month, 
$300 for the security—thar's $600. Six 
hundred times 150 people. That's 
$90,000. Hell, rent out three or four 
apartments and you can go beyond 
documentary-style black-and-whites. 
Goddamn, boy, I see a major motion 
picture in your future.” 

Desmond said, “My wife's not a pa- 
tient woman, Weldon. This has to hap- 
pen fast.” 

I said, “Go rob a bank. Rob a bank, 
then make your movie. I wouldn't, but 
you might." 

Desmond shook his head. He pulled 
his khakis up, then combed his hand 
through where he wanted more hair. 
Outside, a hawk circled above Lake 
Christ Almighty. I tried to think about 
people in a theater watching a movie 
with chickens in every frame but 
couldn't. 


"Weldon. I don't 


I found Desmond's wife dumping ice 
deliberately, a ritual I'd heard about 
but taken for myth. Desmond's wife 
went in the back door to their added- 
on house and brought back one of 
those styrofoam chests for transporting 
good meat or vital organs. She stepped 


softly. She was wearing padded bed- 
room slippers. 1 didn't speak because 
what she was doing looked a lot like 
what I imagined ancient Asian reli- 
gious folks did during their somber 
ceremonies, or how a talented seer 
might act in times of rare planetary 
alignments. Desmond's wife sprayed 
Num-Zit first-aid medicine between 
her ice mounds. 

"Are your soles soft rubber?" she 
asked with her back turned. 1 swear. 
to God this is true. What I’m saying 
is, this woman was both cosmologi- 
cal and ontological somehow. She may 
have been teleological, too, but I don’t 
remember all my metaphysics from 
college. 

I said, “I just wanted to come and see 
if Desmond was doing OK. 1 wanted to 
see what he's working on these days.” I 
wasn't sure if he'd told his wife about 
Chickens. 1 didn’t want to give any se- 
crets away in case he kept plans to him- 
self. It's a male code. 

Desmond's wife stood there holding 
the styrofoam. She wore a thin cotton 
print skirt that let light flow through— 
her upper thighs could've been used as 
sturdy, solid thin masts, is what I’m say- 
ing—and a T-shirt that read VOTE YOUR 
UTERUS. It kind of gave me the creeps, 
but 1 swear I couldn't keep my eyes off 
it. She had big knockers. Desmond's 
wife said, "The earth is our mother. 
Walk softly. I'm about to plant a gar- 
den, and 1 don't want my mother to 
hurt whatsoever. I'm numbing her skin 
before I dig. I'm numbing the dirt be- 
fore I dig or hoe or scrape.” 

I couldn't say anything except, 
“Shew—I don't want to hurt the earth 
none. I wouldn't also want to disturb a 
grist of bees or a down of hares." What 
the hell. 

Desmond's wife said, "You didn't 
major in geology, did you? 1 hope you 
didn't major in geology." 

I about told her I never went to col- 
lege. I said, “No. I majored in philoso- 
phy in undergraduate school. Then I 
went on to law school and quit before 
the year was over. 1 never was good at 
the sciences, really." 

“Geologists become miners. Miners 
end up drilling holes in the earth. You 
wouldn't go to a dentist and havc him 
drill into your teeth without any kind 
of painkiller, would you?" 

I said, "Tell Desmond I came by and 
T'll try to get in touch with him later.” I 
started to walk away, back around the 
cold shallow lake to my little cabin. I 
kept thinking how men down here 
pride themselves on not coon dogging 
what's already been treed. We don't ac- 
tively pursue a married man's wife, is 
what I'm saying. We kill the husband 
more often than not, or at least get him 

(continued on page 86) 


PULISE Ure. 


"OK, so you werent selling it. How much 
zent were you charging?" 


78 


IN AN IMPERFECT 
WORLD, THE ONLY 
SURE THING IS 
A CUSTOM SUIT 


FASHION BY. 
HOLLIS WAYNE 


THERE'S NOTHING sweeter than a made-to- 
order suit working in harmony with fitted 
wing tips. At its most elemental, the allure 
of custom clothes is all about fit and com- 
fort. A suit built to your body's specs will 
be the best fitting and most comfortable 
you will own. Also, a custom suit doesn't. 
have to cost a fortune—it can be competi- 
tive with its designer counterparts—so 
there’s no excuse for not seeking out a 
personal tailor. Speak with the best 
dressed man you know and we're sure 
you'll get worthwhile referrals. Of course, 
we chose the expensive guys. We button- 
holed custom experts at Bruce Cameron 
Clark Bespoke Clothier, William Fioravan- 
tiand Alan Flusser for info on suits, gave 
the full press to Alexander S. Kabbaz and 
Geneva for inside stuff on shirts, walked 
over to J.M. Weston and Vincent & Edgar 
for shoes and ogled jewelry at Verdura. 
Follow their advice and you'll see the dif- 
ference in the mirror, not in your wallet. 


This shoe fits. Manufacturer 
J.M. Weston will custom-de- 
tail shoes for you in 12 
weeks. The best reason to 
buy made-to-order shoes: 
Most of us have one foot 
that is slightly larger than 
the other. J.M. Weston uses 
a variety of standard lasts 
to fit each foot and offers 
seven widths at a time 
when most brand-name 
shoes come in one. You can 
order your choice of skin or 
ic in a variety of styles 
d here is a calfskin 
wing tip). Also, the soles are 
harder and tougher than 
those on ordinary shoes. 


4 1 
LEY С 


This shirt looks special 

and feels even better. It’s 
an Egyptian cotton, French- 
cuffed custom job by 
Alexander S. Kabbaz/Joelle 
M. Kelly & Sons. (The silk 
jacquard tie is by Chavet, 
$120.) It has several distinct 
advantages over mass-pro- 
duced garments. Aside 
from the rare quality of the 
cotton, the French cuffs 
can be sewn with fewer 
folds to accommodate 
different cuff links. The 
careful placement of 
seams can also hide such 
physical quirks as a dip in 
one shoulder. 


u. 


A custom suit will take 
eight to ten weeks to 
produce and requires 
two major fittings. Every 
possible measurement is 
taken during an initial 
appointment. After the 
pattern is made and 
fabric is cut into a basted 
shell, you'll return for a 
try-on fitting. That's 
when the tailor adjusts 
the shape of your jacket 
(pictured here). The next 
fitting is called a slip-on. 
This determines the po- 
sition of the buttonholes 
end the length of the 
pants. Why are most tai- 
lors men? Because large 
hands are needed to 
shape the shoulders. 


GROOMING BY GARETH GREEN FOR ZOLI ILLUSIONS 


WHERE & HOW TO BUY ON PAGE 152. 


m 


—— 
ight. On this 

pack ished prod- 

uct: 


ble-breasted suit with 
side vents and double- 
pleated trousers was 
custom-made by Alan 
Flusser, as were the cot- 
ton broadcloth shirt 
($195), handmade silk 
tie ($125) and pocket 
square ($25). The canvas 
in tl k 


Softly to avoid 
ion. It conforms to 
the body and eases 
móyement in the shoul- 
‚ders, chest and arms. 
The collar of the jacket 
hugs the neck for the 
quintessential fit. 


PLAYBOY 


86 


I Could ve Told You (continued from page 78) 


Maybe I'd gotten too caught up in my own ways to 
realize Desmond's wife was sending me a signal. 


in a situation that involves a long 
prison sentence. Thinking about it al- 
most made me have a Pentecostal fit, all 
thick-tongued and spastic. 

“You ever been to a proctologist?” 
Desmond's wife asked me. When I 
turned around, she didn't seem to 
squint as much as she seemed to want 
to cry. or pass two kidney stones the 
size of a bad carpenter's thumbs. 

I said, "I just sit in my room and 
think, ma'am. I work as a freelance 
consultant these days for admen who 
can't come up with ideas and don't 
want to lose their jobs. Please don't 
judge me or anything, please." 

Desmond's wife said, "My husband 
went down the mountain to do some 
work. He won't be back until way past 
ten or eleven tonight." 

This was a Sunday. Realty offices 
were closed. I knew what Desmond was 
doing. I laughed and said, “Hey, do 
you cover your land in sheets of plastic 
when it hails?” 

Desmond's wife took out a little 
memo pad from the elastic band in her 
skirt and wrote down something. She 
smiled and raised her eyebrows. She 
looked like God had let her down on a 
handmade sunbeam. 

I didn't understand until later that 
maybe women from up north kept 
track of when their husbands returned. 
Maybe I'd gotten too caught up in my 
own ways to realize Desmond's wife 
was sending me a signal. 

б 


I left Desmond's wife and went home 
until the sun went down. Then I made 
my way backward toward every sign 
Fd seen lately from First Realty, know- 
ing he'd be nearby in stocking cap and 
black gloves, sweating from the humid- 
ity. I found him hidden in a carport ad- 
jacent to the sort of solid cedar-shake 
shingle house admired and purchased 
by people who have a thing for ar- 
madillos and alluvial outcroppings. 

1 said, “Desmond! Get out of there, 
man, it's me!" 

Desmond shimmied goofily, holding 
his hand up against my pickup’s beam. 
He said, “Weldon, you scared the shit 
out of me." 

I said, "I meant to. Your wife said 
you wouldn't be back until late, so I 
guessed that you got a job doing what I 
said." 

"Well," Desmond said. “1 got to do 
what I got to do in order to do what I 


want to do, you kno! 

I said, “Uh-huh.” 

We shook hands. He'd already 
thrown down the For SALE sign a good 
20 feet from where he had planted it 
earlier. 

Desmond said, “You didn't tell me to 
wear different-sized shoes when I did 
this. But I’m wearing different-sized 
shoes. I went down toa Salvation Army 
place in Spartanburg and bought three 
pairs of boots ranging two to four sizes 
bigger than what I wear. I wear a nor- 
mal ten. I figure no one would be able 
to trace it back to me—unless they 
open the woodbin where I keep them 
during the day." 

I said, "There are no cops in Christ 
Almighty, Desmond. I think you're 
pretty safe." 

He said, "You didn't tell Fiona where 
you thought I might be, did you?" 

1 thought, Fiona. 1 had never met a 
woman named Fiona, but it seemed 
like a Fiona would be either the kind of 
woman who'd numb the earth before 
digging into it or the kind who wel- 
comed strays. 1 said, “When she told 
me you wouldn't be back until ten or 
eleven tonight 1 told her you probably 
drove all the way to Charlotte looking. 
for a strip joint. Now don't go commit- 
ting suicide with that posthole digger." 

Desmond said, “OK.” 

“It’s a joke,” I said. “I didn't tell her 
anything, you idiot." 

“You don't know my wife, Weldon," 
he said. “I'm not real proud of it, but I 
have a girlfriend back in New York. I 
tell my wife I'm going back to deal with 
an agent or editor. Actually I lost both 
my agent and my editor. It's a long sto- 
ry that involvesa favorite uncle and his 
cousin's wife's daughter.” 

Desmond laughed. I tried not to 
make eye contact and found myself 
staring at his chin more than anything 
else. 1 sai har's OK," though 1 
didn’t think it was. Listen, I took mar- 
riage vows seriously—even my ex-wife 
would have to back me up on that one. 

We stood while two jets flew over- 
head, almost side by side. In the brush 
beside the house a doe rambled, bed- 
ding down. I thought about my ex-wife 
in my ex-city, living not so far from my 
ex-job. I handed Desmond a beer out 
of the bed of my truck and said, "There 
are no chickens living nearby. What're 
you going to do about that?" 

"When I wrote novels I didn't care 
about truth," he said. "I published a 


novel about Vietnam and the women's 
lingerie industry. To be honest, I didn't 
know squat about either. I'm from 
Brooklyn. All you need to know applies 
to both subjects—camouflage only 
works for so long." 

I did not say how it was the same 
thing in advertising. I didn't say any- 
thing because it felt like we were bond- 
ing in the dark and that scared me. I 
said, "Chickens." 

He said, "I put ads in some maga- 
zines up north for the apartment. Peo- 
ple come down here in the winter, you 
know. I even said it was a condo.” 

It would've been a good time to tell 
Desmond that I had been joking, that 
I made everything up about how he 
could make money. But his wife wor- 
ried that the earth hurt, and I worried 
that she hurt, too. Thar's all I could 
think about there in the dark with one 
FOR SALE sign down and another 50 or 
so scattered around the mountain. No 
comet or shooting star or UFO showed 
itself. No Dodge Dart skidded around 
the curve carrying a trunkload of 
moonshine. I did not smell marijuana 
burning anywhere, though 1 felt hun- 
gry and responsible, as always. 

“Desmond,” I said. "Desmond, Des- 
mond, Desmond. I may have made a 
mistake telling you how to make mon- 
ey to support a movie. Don't you have 
any family that believes in you?” 

1 turned the lights off in my truck 
and left the engine running. Desmond 
said, “My dad's dead and my mother 
thinks I'm still going to write the great 
fucking American novel. I can't let her 
down." He shuffled a foot in sparse 
gravel and said, "I don't have any 
brothers or sisters and 1 wasn't that 
popular growing up." 

1 didn't ask if Fiona had anyone. I 
kind of knew. I said, “Fiona numbed 
the earth so she wouldn't hurt it when 
she planted a garden or something. 
Have you thought about keeping a cam- 
era turned on her? I don't want to make 
any judgment about you and yours, 
but I bet a documentary about your 
wife would be interesting. Hell, all 
you'd have to do is buy some security 
cameras and set them up.” 

Desmond took a draw from his beer 
and threw it back into the bed of my 
truck. He said, “That might be an idea, 
paisan.” 

I said, “When's the last time you saw 
a movie about a person who did things 
a whole lot differently than anyone 
else?” 

"I don’t remember offhand,” Des- 
mond said. “1 could've told you if you 
hadn't asked.” 

With that response I knew that Des- 
mond needed to go back up north. No 
one in his or her right mind below the 

(continued on page 88) 


PLAYBOY 
مر‎ 


Maybe he was inspired by the anatomy books. Born and came a master of offbeat naked portraiture. Although his 
raised in Florence, Italy, photographer Guido Argentini work appears frequently in Playboy Germany, this shot—of a 
studied medicine before junking his human body studies in Los Angeles actress named Gina Mari—marks his U.S. 
favor of the real thing. He arrived Stateside in 1992 and be- PLavBoY debut. Look for a book of nudes from Guido soon. 


PLAYBOY 


I Could've Told You continues from page 86) 


I'd. already considered throwing him off my porch 
headfirst, taking the fire poker to his temple. 


Mason-Dixon line answered questions 
with “I could've told you if you hadn't 
asked.” It didn't even make sense. If it 
did, people would just walk around 
aimlessly, spouting out answers like 
"Carson City is the capital, not Las Ve- 
gas or Reno!” or “Robert Duvall played 
Boo Radley!” or “Jupiter's equatorial 
diameter is 88,000 miles!” or “Tonga's 
chief crops are coconuts, bananas and 
vanilla!” 

I said, “Goddamn, if you got such a 
hard-on for chickens, maybe you can 
buy a couple roosters and keep them 
on your property so they'll show up in 
some scenes with Fiona." 

e 


I do not know the cost of spy gad- 
getry, and I didn't ask Desmond how 
many signs he had set up, knocked 
down and reset over a two-month peri- 
od. He bought his chickens first, over 
the complaints of the home association, 
and later set up cameras one at a time 
when Fiona drove down the mountain 
for ice, Bactine, gauze, Neosporin and 
whatever else she used to help heal the 
mother on which we live. 

Iknow I found myself looking across 
a quadrant of lake water too often. I 
used binoculars, hoping to see Fiona 
bent over in a less-than-modest dress. I 
thought about how my wife was long 
gone. 

"The first time I met Fiona she knew 
I was watching her numb the soil, so I 
should have known she could feel me 
watching her 200 yards away. One 
morning she knocked on my door and 
I answered. When she said, “You want 
a telescope?" I could only hope that I'd 
heard wrong. 

"Hey, Fiona. Come on in for some 
coffee," I said. 

She said, "Is it one of those flavored 
coffees? You know those flavored cof- 
fees have chemicals in them that they 
don't advertise on the box." 

I said, "It's regular coffee. I have 
some bread, too. I was just about to 
have breakfast. Come on in." 

She stood there wearing the only 
skirt I'd ever seen her wear, the one 
that sunlight ravished without much 
effort. Fiona said, “Weldon, right?" 

I said, “Uh-huh.” 

She said, "I know when you're 
watching me, Weldon. You aren't do- 
ing anything weird up here, are you?" 

I said, “I'll confess that I watch you. 
I have never seen anyone care about 


blemishes so much. I apologize, and I'll 
quit, but I promise I'm not doing any- 
thing perverted. I've had a wife and 
Гуе had girlfriends. Not at the same 
time, cither—I took a course in ethics 
one time in college.” 

That wasn't true. I mean, I had not 
taken a course in ethics, which I fig- 
ured gave me the right to tell a lie. 
Fiona said, “Did you use any preserva- 
tives in your bread?” 

I told her I washed my hands be- 
tween each knead. 

e 


When we fucked daily for the next 
six weeks we did so slowly. Fiona wasn’t 
sure about my cabin's pilings—whether 
or not they were planted loosely—or 
whether our rhythm might tamp down 
into her mother like the misstroke of a 
blunt-ended toothbrush that jabs your 
gums. I did not tell her about her hus- 
band's uncle's cousin's wife's daughter. 
I did not break male code in that way. 
And there was no love between Fiona 
and me, at least that first week: We 
only whispered about the earth mov- 
ing, often. 

But I said more than once in her ear, 
"Where were you when I thought I 
should get married?" 

"Probably getting married. Or in 
Santa Fe learning massage therapy," 
Fiona said to me more often than not. 

LI 


Desmond finally came over in mid- 
summer. I felt uncomfortable, of 
course. We hadn't spoken since I told 
him to scrap Chickens. Desmond said, 
“Weld-on, I've been thinking. I don't 
want to be nosy, but how do you live? 
You don't work in advertising any- 
more, do you, Weld-on? You don't 
have a home office upstairs so you can 
just fax what you're thinking, do you, 
Weld-on?" 

Desmond scemed to have something 
to say. 

I said, “I saved money well and in- 
vested OK. I work as a consultant 
sometimes but don't seek it. I don't like 
to brag or anything, but people in the 
industry know me, and when they’re 
out of ideas they get in touch and offer 
me money. An adman without an idea 
is an ex-adman in about a 30-second 

LT 

Desmond said, "Huh." 

Isaid, “I thought you'd be wearing a 
beret by now. How'sit going?" 


"Oh I'm set, amigo," he said. I 
poured bourbon. "I ain't got a story 
line or anything but figure I can do it 
through editing. Are you sure this'll 
work out?" Desmond didn't sit down 
when I shoved the chair out for him. 

I couldn't lie. I said, “Well. Maybe 
your wife's not as quirky as I thought." 

"So you're saying Fiona's not odd 
enough to star in my film, is that what 
you're saying? You saying my wife's too 
average to care about? I don't think you 
know what you mean, Weld-on." 

Desmond had an edge to him. He 
bowed up on me good. People in the 
South sometimes think Northerners 
display a certain curtness, a certain 
broad and blatant cruelty toward other 
human beings. It's a misconception 
that thrives with others—such as how 
dead black snakes on fence posts end 
droughts or how crossing a downhill 
stream will stop a specter. People from 
the Northeast are kind, really. Unlike 
me—and the people I know—they 
don't constantly scheme at ways to kill 
friends, acquaintances and relatives. 

I said, "I'm saying I don't know what 
I'm saying." 

Desmond held his fists at his sides. In. 
this short time I'd already considered 
throwing him off my porch headfirst, 
taking the fire poker to his temple or. 
even rigging a clipped and frayed elec- 
trical wire from an outlet to my toilet so 
when he peed out his bourbon it'd 
shock him hard. 

When I stuck up one index finger 
and shook it like a scolding mother 
from a Fifties movie, Desmond evi- 
dently thought I foreplayed a shot to 
his nose. He decked me quick, then. 
He said, "I know about you fucking 
Fiona, Weld-on. I got movies and I got. 
a lawyer." 

e 


T've realized that the more isolated a 
person tries to be, the more people 
know about him. I'm sure everyone on 
Mount Christ Almighty and the valley 
towns of Tryon and Columbus, even 
smaller Lynn and Greens Creek, knew 
I had a scalp condition that required 
dandruff shampoo. Or that I had the 
occasional bout with athlete's foot 
when 1 worked in scawmy conditions 
or that I had hemorrhoids from worry- 
ing too much about my goddamn feet. 
People knew these things because I 
could do my grocery shopping at one 
place only—a family-owned store 
down the mountain called Powell's. 

When this buzz-cut kid handed mea 
subpoena to show up at Fiona and 
Desmond's divorce proceedings he 
held a handkerchief to his mouth. I 
said, "Have you got a bad cold or some- 
thing? 1 took a bath this morning." 

(concluded on page 178) 


"Don't toy with me, Adam. I can read you like the good book." 


88 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY RICHARD FEGLEY 


DADHNEL'S 
FREE SPIRIT 


miss july will not be denied 


s Daphnee Lynn Du- 

plaix, dressed in 

jeans and a brown 

leather jacket, strolls 

to her table at Avan- 
zare in Chicago, patrons 
glance up from their piaiti 
and then stare. It could be 
Miss July's vivid green eyes 
or wonderful Haitian-Ital- 
ian features that attract 
their attention. But more 
likely it has to do with an 
intangible quality: pres- 
ence. Along with her tal- 
ents as an actress, model, 
dancer and singer, 20- 
year-old Daphnee has a 
knack for being noticed 
Not bad for a girl who says 
thar at 16, she was *a skin- 
ny little tomboy." 

What happened? "1 just 
blossomed,” she says with a 
smile and a shrug. 

One person who noticed 
Daphnee was Sylvester 
Stallone, whom she met 
while playing an extra in 
The Specialist, which was 
filmed near her home in 
North Miami Beach. He 
told her she should audi- 
tion for roles rather than 
take part in cattle calls for 
extras. Sly's advice turned 
out to be sly advice. With- 
out heading for Holly- 
wood, Daphnee has al- 
ready been in nine movies. 
You can catch a glimpse of 
her in Striptease, Girl Talk, 
The Substitute and Donnie 
Brasco, and she appears 
alongside Matthew Mo- 
dine and Dennis Hopper 


in The Blackout. Her ambition is to play "kick-butt action roles," and her biggest 
part so far, in the forthcoming Kickboxing Academy, seems to fit the bill. 

“I play a 16-year-old who is in a good kickboxing school," Daphnee says. “But 
a bad school wants to take over our space. The owner of the building suggests a 
competition between the two schools to see who gets the spacı 

Daphnee credits her mother, a former professional dancer who appeared on- 
stage in New York and Paris, as the source of the qualities she hopes will make her 


Daphnee's Playmate photo shoot took her 
to the Bohomas, where she played in the 
sun, sand and seo. She olso dropped by 
Compass Point Studios (above lef), where 
the Rolling Stones have recorded. Bocked 
by producer Terry Manning on guitar, 
Daphnee showed off her vocal talents. 


96 


successful—beauty, athleticism and ambition. Daphnee's fa- 
ther died when she was six, leaving her mother to raise her, 
a brother and two sisters. They moved from Manhattan, 
where Daphnee was born, to New Jersey to Florida. When 
Daphnee was 11, her mother adopted six cousins from 
Haiti. By that time, Daphnee had her first job—delivering 
newspapers. When she was 16, she worked at Liquid, a club 


in South Beach, and she paid her tuition at the Internation- 
al College of Fine Arts by working at Hooters. 

"Growing up, 1 was always in the spotlight," Daphnee 
says. "I've been singing since I was little, and I've always 
wanted to be an actress." She'll probably move to Los Ange- 
les, she says, because that's where the action is. Count on 
Miss July to be at the center of it. 


PLAYMATE DATA SHEET 


wes. L2 honte hyna Dopa 

pust: sr AL res: (O 

тїп AUR NO 

BIRTH DATE: 95:15: llo sirtuptace: Manhatan , NX. 


ТЕЙДЕ: (b one of me 
Nest ee 2 = = Nchresses ok all time! 


TURN-ONS:. 1 


TURNOFFS: 


dont RS 25 OWA TUNE d 


FAVORITE QUOTE: L 
0 Im ) 


MY FAMILY: 15 Mentally аа 
(ll Seem 4D Quen ala Diver fart | 


PERSON I'D MOST LIKE TO MEET: \ Mo 


MY BEST QUALITY: 


WORDS TO LIVE BY: 


Tre Scholar Loria 


\ 
my afro puffs : Br я 


PLAYBOY'S PARTY JOKES 


The history teacher outlined an important as- 
signment to the class. In ponderous tones, he 
stressed that absolutely no excuses for lateness 
would be accepted, save those for a medically 
certified illness or a death in the immediate 
family. A smartass student waved his hand and 
spoke up. "What about extreme sexual ex- 
haustion, sir?" 

"The class broke up laughing. When the stu- 
dents settled down, the teach d the dis- 
ruptive pupil with a stare. “Well,” he said, “I 
guess you'll have to learn to write with your 
other hand." 


One of Microsoft's finest technicians was invit- 
ed by a colleague to join him at a local firing 
range. As a first-timer, he was given instruc- 
tions, a rifle and bullets. He fired several shots 
at the target, but all attempts missed. 

"The techie looked at his rifle, then at the tar- 
get. He put his finger over the end of the bar- 
rel and squeezed the trigger with his other 
hand. The weapon fired, taking most of the 
techie's finger with it. Hopping up and down 
in pain, the wounded fellow yelled toward the 
target area, "It's leaving here just fine! The 
trouble must be at your end." 


The FCC has recently approved standards for 
high-definition TV. The picture is so clear that 
you can actually figure out the plots of The 
X-Files. 


A patron of a Parisian restaurant studied the 
menu for a few moments before the waiter 
came to take his order. "What do you recom- 
mend?" the customer asked. 

"Oh, the catch of the day, monsieur," the 
waiter replied. “C'est magnifique!" 

"The diner accepted the suggestion, then 
quietly read the newspaper until the waiter set 
his entrée down in front of him with a flourish. 
"Bon appétit!" 

A few minutes later, the waiter passed the 
man's table and thought he saw him speak- 
ing to the fish on his plate. He checked again 
and, sure enough, the fellow was talking to his 
main course. “Excusez-moi, monsieur," the wait- 
er said, "but I couldr't help noticing that you 
appear to be talking to the fish." 

"Yes, as a matter of fact, I am,” the man ad- 
mitted. "You see, my poor papa jumped oft the 
Pont-Neuf three weeks ago and 1 was asking 
the fish if he happened to have seen him." 

“Uh-huh,” the perplexed waiter said. "And 
what did the fish say, if I may ask?” 

“He said that was not possible,” the diner 
replied, poking his dinner with his fork, *be- 
cause he has been out of the water longer than 
my poor papa has been in it!" 


Р. лувоу ctassic: A woman complained to her 
doctor of an embarrassing rash. After she dis- 
robed, the physician was surprised to find a 
red H on her chest. She explained that her 
boyfriend, a Harvard grad, liked to put on his 
letter sweater when they made love. The doc- 
tor chalked it up to contact dermatitis and pre- 
scribed an ointment. 

The next day a woman showed up with a Y 
on her chest. She explained that her boyfriend 
went to Yale and liked to put on his letter 
sweater when they made love. 

On the third day a woman appeared with an 
Mon her chest. The doctor, confident of his di- 
agnosis, said, "Let me guess. Your lover went 
to Michigan." 

"Close," she said. “She went to Wellesley.” 


The lovers were engaging in foreplay when 
the man suddenly excused himself. He headed 
for the bathroom, saying, “Keep your motor 
running, baby. I'll be right back.” 

“TIl do better than that, sweetheart,” she 
purred. “I'll hold my finger on the starter.” 


The businessman dimbed the steps of his front 
porch and noticed a snail. He didn't think 
much ofitand went inside the house. The next 
day he came home and the snail was still there. 
The man was peeved but went inside again. 
The third day. the snail was still on the porch. 
“That's it,” the guy thundered, picking it up 
and throwing it over the roof. 

"Ten years later the businessman came home 
to find the same snail back on his porch. The 
tiny creature looked up at himand said, “What 
did you do that for?” 


p E 


THIS MONTH'S MOST FREQUENT SUBMISSION: Did 
you hear that Michael Jackson and Tonya 
Harding are going to buy Churchill Downs? 
She's going to do the handicapping, and he's 
going to ride the three-year-olds. 


A husband came home and told his wife his 
wallet had been stolen. She reminded him to can- 
cel his credit card. A few months later she no- 
ticed some recent charges on their bill. *Hon- 
ey, why didn't you cancel the card?" she asked. 

"Because, Gloria, he doesn't spend as much 
as you do." 


Send your jokes on postcards to Party Jokes Editor, 
PLAYBOY, 680 North Lake Shore Drive, Chicago, 
Illinois 60611, or by e-mail to jokes@playboy.com. 
$100 will be paid to the contributor whose submis- 
sion is selected. Sorry, jokes cannot be returned. 


“We can definitely rule out a shark attack. These are 
human teeth marks.” 


Playboy s History of [he ema [Каю Л 


TIMES 


ou could spend 
the rest of your 
life in front of 
this newsstand. 
Rack after rack 
of magazines 
held in place by long pieces of wire 
offer fantastic visions of the future, 
of the past, of the next few hours. 
The covers are windows on the 
world of the beautiful and the bold. 
Screenland shows a couple locked in 
a passionate embrace. Film Fun fea- 
tures a sexy starlet on its cover. You 
stare at a photo of Jean Harlow, the 
blonde bombshell. Her shimmer- 
ing nightgown seems to move like a 
river in moonlight. You think there 
is nothing on earth as alluring as 
the sight of nipples under silk. 
Erect nipples. "Would you be 
shocked," Harlow had asked in 
Hell's Angels, “if 1 put on something 
more comfortable?” Yes, but go 
right ahead. 
God bless lingerie. Models pose 
provocatively on the covers of Spicy 


ries, Spicy Mystery, Spicy Detective 
Stories. If they could figure out how 
to get lingerie on a horse, no doubt 
there would be something similar 
on the cover of Spicy Western. The 
editors have to settle for a girl in a 
revealing peasant blouse. Women 
with torn dresses and imperiled 
breasts plead for help on the covers 
of Dime Detective, Private Detective 
Stories and True Gangster Stories. 
There’s no doubt about it: Dames 
spell trouble. 

You glance at the woman perus- 
ing True Confession, True Story, True 
Romances, Modern. Romance. Ber- 
narr Macfadden's pulp empire 
reaches 7.4 million readers, mostly 
women, and he's thinking of run- 
ning for president. Candid Confes- 
sions suggests a possible platform: 
"As long as the sex urge is one of 
the most powerful urges in cre- 
ation, just so long will we have 
men and women searching for the 
love-happiness which is every per- 
son's birthright. Some of us find it 


Dart |\/ 1930-1930 


through experiences which almost 
wreck our lives, others by an easier 
path. All of us are entitled to find 
our mate.” 

If only she would look your way. 
There's a guy at the other end of 
the rack studying Apparel Arts and 


ште. 
Yeah, a tuxedo's going to look 


Prosperity was just around the corner, 
but which corner? FDR promised re- 
covery (pin above). The Depression 
would change sex and put the Ameri- 
con dream on hold for millions (right). 


ILLUSTRATION BY STLOIO MARTIN HOFFMAN 


Titillation was the antidote 
to hard times. The news- 
stand (left) gove us women 
in peril, risqué ice-skaters, 
movie stars, Gold 
Diggers and Sugar 
Daddies—even 
Betty Boop had sex 
appeal. On film 
Ecstosy’s Hedy 
Lamarr (right) 
broke oll borriers. 


great in the breadline. Still, Esquire 
has that Petty Girl, wearing a 
swimsuit that is as skintight and 
transparent as a suntan. 

If it weren't so crowded you 
might spend a few moments with 
the nudes in Artists and Models, 
Body Beautiful or Spotlight: Photo 
Studies of the Female Form. The art 
books present models “selected on 
account of their supple lines, their 
artistic naturalness and their beau- 
tiful development. They reflect 
the artistic spirit of feminine beau- 
ty in our time." 

Two bits can buy a world of 
beauty. Perhaps you should save 
your money for a movie. The town 


The Depression wreaked havoc on relations between men and women. Wamen tumed to sex, while men turned to crime—at least in 
Hollywood. Jean Harlow (above left) was a wisecracking, hip-swinging sex symbol who ployed prostitutes and tough girls willing to do 
anything to survive. Directars churned aut gangster epics such as Scarface and Little Caesar. The battle between the sexes escalated 
when Jimmy Cagney, fed up with Mae Clarke's nagging, twisted a gropefruit into her face in The Public Enemy (above right). When Pro- 
hibition ended, speakeasies became swank nightclubs (table decoration from the Stark Club, above) and organized crime moved from 
bootlegging to other activities. One morol crusade had failed, but reformers still looked oskonce at sex. J. Edgor Hoover (above center) 
106 ^ become the nation’s number one vice cop. When not going after bank robbers, he archestrated arrests for violations of the Mann Act. 


Busby Berkeley's styl- 
ish musicals featured 
men in top hots and 
tails and women in 
sconty attire (left). To 
hell with the Hays Of- 
fice, he seemed to say, 
sex is whot the public 
wants. Berkeley avoid- 
ed the censors' wrath, 
but others weren't sa 
fortunate. Production 
Code prudes clomped 
down on Mae West's 
earthy, innuendo-filled 
sexual persona. Her 
tough, independent 
spirit inspired Americo. 
Salvodor Dali captured 
West in c surreal por- 
trait (left). Sally Rand 
(below) danced nude 
at the 1933 World's 
Foir in Chicago. Some 
22 million visitors cele- 
broted с Century of 
Progress. In 1939 she 
hosted Sally Rand's 
Nude Ranch at the 
Golden Gate Exposi- 
tion in San Francisco. 
Explicit eight-pagers, 
called Tijuona bibles, 
presented the sexuol 
explaits of movie stars, 
comic strip characters, 
gongsters ond soles- 
men (obove right]. 


A COLUMBIA PICTURE 


Hollywood did its port: In ane film Shirley Temple held o Cabinet post os sec- 
retary of entertoinment. The golden age of cinema shaped romentic fantasies 
for the rest of the century. Fred Astaire ond Ginger Rogers (above middle) took 
dance to a new height, combining grace with sex appeal. Screwball comedies 
such as My Mon Godfrey ond It Happened One Night (above) followed the ex- 
ploits of ditzy socialites. When Clark Goble took off his shirt to reveal o bore 
chest, it was said that soles of men's undershirts plummeted. The truth of the 
matter? In the Depression, soles of everything fell, including tickets ta movies. 


107 


Sexuality 
was every- 
where. Let's 
Make Mary 
(left) taok 
a satirical 
look at se- 
duction. By 
offering а 
more light- 

се handed ap- 

== praach to 
lave, Bing Crosby (battam) be- 
come the nation's most popular 
crooner. King Kong (right) cham- 
pioned a more direct form of 
caurtship. (The film ran into trou- 
ble with censars, who cut scenes of 
Kong peeling aff Foy Wray's cloth- 
ing.) Even the Sunday funnies 
could be risque, os o panel from 
Flash Gordon (below) shows. The 
New York World's Fair of 1939 
promised that technology would 
create the Warld of Tomorrow (far 
right). A special amusement area 
featured tapless models cavorting 
and posing in underwater sets. 


"s Make Mary 


theaters offer Cagney and Har- 
low, Powell and Lombard, Fred 
and Ginger, Gable and Garbo, 
Gable and Crawford, Gable and 
Harlow. Or maybe the latest 
from Mae West 

You go to the movies to escape, 
to learn good moves, to memorize 
good lines. Because now the 


movies talk, and sing and dance 
as well. You watch elegant couples 
swirl across beautiful room 
rooms that never seem to have 
furniture, only huge sweeping 
staircases, and servants, dozens of 
servants. 

You enter a movie palace, 
where the air you breathe is 


If Superman (belaw) 


"fei mot pora for that acount any Longer coms tea 
USE ip ing sa EIE 


wos every man's alter 
ego, then the Petty Girl 
(left) was the feminine 
equivalent. She was ol- 


most always an the 
phone, almast always 
unclothed and gener- 
ally in a state of 
heightened desire. She 
graduated from car- 
toon ta gotefold in 
1939. Cab Calloway 
{right) and other big 
band leaders brought 
c new energy called 


swing to raise spirits. 


ILLUSTRATION BY GARY KELLEY 


PLAYBOY 


110 


ccoled by refrigeration, where the the- 
ater owner stages grand giveaways, 
where your date's heart races to the 
same dreams of wild love, elegant par- 
ties, reckless adventures and happy 
endings. 

When you leave the theater, there's 
dust in the air and someone is selling 
apples on the street. 

In 1933, Nathanael West will capture 
asimilar moment in his book Miss Lone- 
hearts: "He saw a man who appeared 
to be on the verge of death stagger in- 
to a movie theater that was showing a 
picture called Blonde Beauty. He saw a 
ragged woman pick a love story maga- 
zine out of a garbage can and seem 
very excited by her find." 

We were living on dreams. 


THE GREAT DEPRESSION 


The bottom had dropped out of the 
stock market in October 1929. In the 
space of a few weeks $30 billion had 
disappeared, $30 billion worth of gid- 
dy optimism, irrational speculation 
and greed. At first, some people tried 
to explain the crash as some kind of 
Darwinian justice, or as God's wrath in 
response to avarice. The Crash was 
simply a correction. Those who were 
going to jump had already jumped. 

The flapper disappeared. Hemlines 
dropped and the nation adopted a new 
sobriety. College girls wore conserva- 
tive clothes, men gave up raccoon coats 
and rah-rah gestures for traditional Ivy 
League attire. Economics and politics 
replaced sex as the topics of late-night 
bull sessions. 

The country and its government 
seemed to be paralyzed, watching help- 
lessly as banks failed and businesses 
disappeared. Mortgage lenders fore- 
closed on farms, houses and dreams. 
For want of a single payment, the fu- 
ture vanished. 

The joyous dance craze of the Twen- 
ties turned into a grueling sideshow in- 
dustry, where couples held cach other 
in monthlong marathons, trying to 
keep moving in return for free food 
and the chance to win a prize. In Hor- 
ace McCoy's dark novel They Shoot 
Horses, Don't They? the dancehall be- 
comes a purgatory of exhausted souls, 
and one dancer helps his partner com- 
mit suicide. 

Americans stood in line for food, for 
the chance of work, for a place to sleep. 
By 1932, eight million Americans were 
unemployed—one out of every fivc 
persons in the labor force, one out of 
every seven adults. Sure, there were 
people whistling Happy Days Are Here 
Again, but the real anthems were Broth- 
er, Can You Spare a Dime? and Love for 
Sale. Scarcity turned sex into a com- 
modity; it destroyed both dignity and 
desire. Yet even here there was a dou- 


ble standard. We could forgive Gold 
Diggers, but not beggars. 

In the Twenties, couples did not con- 
sider marriage until the breadwinner 
was making $40 per week. In 1933 the 
average salary was about half that. If 
Statistics can convey the death of ro- 
mance, consider these: The marriage 
rate fell from 10.1 per 1000 members 
of the population in 1929 to 7.9 in 
1932. The birthrate fell from 18.9 in 
1929 to 16.5 in 1933. 

Those who had been America’s he- 
roes in 1918 were now the country’s 
outcasts—forgotten men. A ragtag ar- 
my of World War One veterans gath- 
ered in Washington to ask for early 
payment of a promised war bonus. 
They erected their own shantytown 
and called it Hooverville. The presi- 
dent and Congress ignored them until 
July 28, 1932, when President Herbert 
Hoover ordered General Douglas Mac- 
Arthur to send in troops. Saber-wield- 
ing cavalry cleared the capital. Yester- 
day’s manhood was not worth the 
blood in which it had been written. 

America became a nation of tran- 
sients: Almost a million hoboes and 
hitchhikers roamed the counuy by 
1933, some 200,000 of them adoles- 
cents. The women dressed in men’s 
clothing to avoid the kind of trouble 
their older sisters once sought with 
reckless abandon. 

Poverty laid bare the ugly, brutal 
demons that lurked at the edge of the 
American dream. Two observers not- 
ed a rebirth of prejudice, a wariness 
toward outsiders. “Nerves too long 
frayed by unemployment and the hu- 
miliation of relief may again be finding 
a way to punish one's neighbor for the 
wrongs one’s institutional world has 
done to one.” In desperate times, peo- 
ple took comfort in conformity, an al- 
most superstitious need to huddle to- 
gether with “people like us"—and to 
hunt for and persecute scapegoats. 

Near Scottsboro, Alabama police ar- 
rested nine black youths riding on a 
freight train after an altercation with 
white youths. The blacks had thrown 
the whites off the train. 

Searching a boxcar, the police found 
two white girls. A doctor examined the 
girls and found traces of semen, but no 
signs of rape. The prosecution didn't 
care. As one historian noted, "Rape 
and rumors of rape became a kind of 
acceptable folk pornography in the 
Bible Belt." The girls, perhaps afraid of 
being arrested for vagrancy or prosti- 
оп, cooperated with the prosecu- 
Outside the courtroom, 10,000 
whites gathered to ensure justice. The 
prosecutor asked the examining physi- 
cian if the semen he had found be- 
longed to a white man or a black man. 
In the first trial a state's attorney held 


up cotton panties and demanded the 
protection of Southern womanhood. 
By the fourth trial, the panties had, 
miraculously, turned to silk. 

Eight of the nine defendants were 
sentenced to death, igniting a national 
scandal. Although the Supreme Court 
eventually overturned the convictions, 
the Scottsboro boys would spend an ag- 
gregate of 130 years in jail. 

° 


The signs of crisis were everywhere, 
but it was not easy to derail a great na- 
tion. Those with faith in America—or 
with enough wealth to live beyond the 
grasp of the Depression—were suill 
building. A group of investors includ- 
ing Pierre Du Pont and Al Smith raised 
$52 million to construct the Empire 
State Building, then the tallest in the 
world. The project took less than a year 
to complete; 48 workers died in the 
process, but the finished spire loomed 
over the city. They called it Al Smith's 
last erection. An enterprising business- 
man painted an ad on the roof of a 
nearby building: BUY YOUR FURS FROM 
rox. The ad would not reach many 
eyes. Only a quarter of the office space 
had been rented. 

A reporter attending the opening 
found a crude mural drawn in penal 
by one of the workers in an empty loft 
on the 55th floor: “A towering mascu- 
line figure is seen fornicating, Venere 
aversa, with a stooping female figure 
who has no arms but pendulous 
breasts. The man is exclaiming, ‘O 
Man!" Further along is a gigantic vagi- 
na with its name in four large letters 
under it.” 

At the pinnacle of man's endeavor— 
pornography, the great equalizer. 


THENEW DEAL 


In November 1932 the people of 
America elected Franklin Delano Roo- 
sevelt in a landslide. FDR promised a 
New Deal and the end of Prohil 5 
On taking office, the new president 
told the nation: “This great nation will 
endure as it has endured, will revive 
and will prosper. The only thing we 
have to fear is fear itself” 

FDR gave his blessing to the 1933 
Chicago World's Fair, an event dedicat- 
ed to a Century of Progress. A ray of 
light from the star Arcturus actuated a 
switch that turned on the lights of the 
glittering pavilions along the shore of 
Lake Michigan. More than 22 million 
visitors came to the fair in its first year, 
crowding the Hall of Science. the re- 
creation of a Mayan temple and 
a midget village. But by far the 
most popular attraction was a blonde 
fan dancer named Sally Rand. The 
young woman, who admitted to being 

(continued on page 136) 


“What are the chances of that warm front of yours 
moving over to my apartment later?" 


111 


the roadster has returned in varied shapes and shades—welcome back to the fold 


Modern Living By KEN GROSS 


ACK IN 1976, Cadillac built what it pro- 
claimed would be the last American rag- 
top—a two-and-one-half-ton Bicenten- 
nial Eldorado. At the time, poor sales, 
stringent safety regulations, changing 
tastes and the lingering effects of a fuel 
crisis were forcing automakers to down- 
size most of their offerings, and the “El- 
vis Is King" dreamboats were the first to 
go. Today, two dozen carmakers offer 
convertibles, with prices ranging from 
about $20,000 for the Ford Mustang to about $250,000 
for the Lamborghini Diablo VT. A loı happened in those 
intervening years to regenerate interest (e.g., the 
Chrysler LeBaron and the Mazda Miata), but the bottom 
line is this: People love converübles, and now they have 
more reasons than ever. A top-down drive is no longer 
the bugs-in-your-teeth, shake, rattle and roll adventure it 


Left: Under the hood of the new Jaguar XK8 is a 32-valve, 4- 
liter V8 that will have you at 60 miles per hour in secands. No 
wonder our model gat last. Although Ford owns Jaguar, it was 
devoted Jag stylists, engineers and planners wha created this 
roadster—the most exciting topless big tom since the XK-E wos 
introduced in the early Sixties—and they succeeded in preserv- 
ing the morque's heritage. The only transmission available is a 
five-speed automatic, and the interior is British-men's-club 
retro with Connolly leather, burled walnut and thick carpeting 
in abundance. Price: about 570,000. A coupe versian is also 
available. Abave: Just as the sales of its $80,000-and-up SL 
roodsters leveled off, Mercedes-Benz created a baby brother, 
the SLK 230, at half the price. The bank-vault solidity af big- 
ger Benzes is preserved and there are also side air bogs ond 
twin rollover bors. The power plant is а 185-horsepower 
supercharged twin-cam faur coupled ta a five-speed automatic. 
Your roadster becomes a hardtap at the simple push of a button, 
making Mercedes ideal for Duluth and San Diego alike. 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY RICHARD FEGLEY 


113 


Below: The lotest Lamborghini Diablo YT will exceed 55 mph in 
first gear, so you can imagine the land speed record you'll set if 
you wind out its 5.7-lifer VI2 engine all the woy. And for a 
quorter of a million bucks, you clso get a Diablo that's "new 
and improved." Its once-formidable steering is now nicely os; 
sisted, the formerly Nautilus-inspired clutch is proctically deli 

cote ond the broke pedal no longer feels like you're stepping 
on a stone. With these changes in ergonomics, the Diablo is as 
controllable as o much smaller sports cor. When it’s not a blur, 
it's a big street attraction for lookers and onlookers. Far right: 
Starting around $20,000; Ford's restyled Muslong GT convert- 
ible is o terrific bargain. The 150-hp V6 is OK for mom, but 
you'll want the 215-hp V8 or, even better, the 4.6-liter Cobra 
version with 305 ponies under the hood. If you drive to work 
doily, and don't mind supporting OPEC, this is your kind of cor. 


once was. Fold-up wind blockers and electric windows 
keep wind and rain out cf your hair, pop-up roll bars re- 
duce the chance of rollover injuries and folding rigid tops 
improve cold-weather comfort. Some cloth tops can even 
be raised and lowered with one hand. Try that maneuver 
ina vintage Austin Healey or MC-TC. On these pages are 
six models that look great topless. (The cars, guys.) In 
fact, we thought so highly of the Porsche Boxster at right 
that we gave one to our Playmate of the Year, Victoria 
Silvstedt. A coupe version of the Volvo C70, below, is Val 
Kilmer's choice of wheels in the spy thriller The Saznt. 
We're also giving a thumbs-up to ragtops not pictured on 
these pages, including the BMW Z3 2.8, Saab's new slick- 
bodied 900, the now-classic Mazda Miata (due for a 
restyling soon) and Chrysler's Sebring JXi. Priced 
around $24,000, the Sebring is arguably the best-looking 
softtop in its price class. Rest easy, Elvis. There are more 
convertibles available today than you ever imagined 
would be on the road. But not one of them is a Caddy. 


Above: “This time we kept the toy and threw away the box" is 
how one Volvo engineer described the new C70 convertible. 
Although the car won't be in showrooms until next spring, our 
sneak preview revealed a roadster that's as long on creature 
comforts (think leather and a Dolby Pro-Logic 14-specker 
stereo) as it is on safety features. Volvo's patented rollover pro- 
tection system activates a pair of pop-up roll bars if a sensor 
registers that the car is about to flip. And for about $45,000, 
you also get side-impact air bags. Right: It'll take more than 
a spritz to cool down anyone who test-drives the new mid- 
engined Porsche Boxster. The five-speed manual version sees 
60 in about seven seconds and 150 moments later. (Five-speed 
Tiptronic S automatic with shifting controls located on either 
side of the steering wheel is also available). Because it's mid- 
engined, there's ample storage space front and rear. Forget 
about even looking at the motor; you have to disassemble a 
panel to access it. Water and oil are replenished through out- 
lets in the rear trunk. Price: about $40,000. Now try to find one. 


118 


UST BEYOND the fog-shrouded wooden gates, a 
guard whose arm patch says SKYWALKER FIRE 
BRIGADE waves the visitor inside. Within mo- 
ments, the road opens to Skywalker Ranch— 
3000 mostly pristine acres of rolling hills in 
the appropriately named Lucas Valley. There 
are mountain lions and bobcats in the hills. 
Cattle roam the meadows. Down a silent 
winding road, the visitor sees, in the distance, 
a grandiose Victorian mansion that was designed by George 
Lucas to serve not only as his haven but as the nerve center 
of an empire that has grown immense. lt is deep in Marin 
County, in the town of Nicasio, 425 miles north of Holly- 
wood. But in its psychological distance from the movie capi- 
tal, theranch that Star Wars built could be, to borrow Lucas’ 
own words, "in a galaxy far, far away." 

“I opted for quality of life," the 53-year-old Lucas told a 
visitor several months ago. “It's a different world. Most of 
my friends are college professors." He loathes the Holly- 
wood-Beverly Hills-Malibu social whirl. Years ago, he sat 
with a visitor and pointed south. "Down there"—as he is in- 
clined to say of Hollywood—"for every honest filmmaker try- 
ing to get his film off the ground, there are a hundred sleazy 
used-car dealers trying to con you out of your money.” 

Following a difficult period in which the normally reclu- 
sive filmmaker seemed to retreat even deeper into Skywalk- 
er Ranch (he suffered through a divorce, produced a 
big-budget flop and consumed himself with the lucrative 


merchandising and special effects businesses that have made 
him a billionaire), Lucas has abruptly returned once again to 
Hollywood. 

"The 20th anniversary rerelease of the newly enhanced 
Star Wars took in $36.2 million on its first weekend, and Lu- 
cas has, for the first time in years, turned to writing a trilogy 
of films that will most certainly outrival, in their technologi- 
cal wizardry, the intergalactic saga that forever changed the 
movie business. After all, Star Wars opened the way for Alien, 
Ghostbusters, Batman, Raiders of the Lost Ark and Back to the Fu- 
ture, and dozens of such terrible concept movies as Last Ac- 
tion Hero and Judge Dredd. 

“I'm not saying it’s George's fault, but he and Steven 
Spielberg changed every studio's idea of what a movie 
should do in terms of investment versus return," says Law- 
rence Kasdan, who co-wrote The Empire Strikes Bach and Re- 
turn of the Jedi. "Yt ruined the modest expectations of the 
movie business. Now every studio film is designed to be a 
blockbuster." 

Spielberg put a more positive spin on the impact of the 
film. "Star Wars was a seminal moment when the entire in- 
dustry instantly changed,” he said. “For me, it’s when the 
world recognized the value of childhood.” 

Even before the rerelease earlier this year of Star Wars, The 
Empire Strikes Back and Return of the Jedi, Lucas was deeply 
immersed in writing (he often writes his scripts and ideas 
longhand in notebooks) and planning the three Star Wars 
prequels. The first will start shooting in the fall, with Lucas 


lu ke 


it’s been 20 years since george lucas directed his last movie. 


sS hy wu a lI Bh er 


now, having weathered a midlife crisis and masterminded the stor wors 


J] oes 


renaissance, the billionaire businessman is returning to his filmmaking roots 


home 


PLAYBOY PROFILE 


о ath I 


і 


ILLUSTRATION EY OAVID LEVINE 


PLAYBOY 


120 


himself set to direct for the first time in 
two decades. 

Lucas is as much a businessman as a 
filmmaker. He's responsible for four of 
the top 20 highest grossing films in his- 
tory—he was the hands-on visionary 
for the Star Wars and Indiana Jones wil- 
ogies. "George at his heart has a mod- 
est vision," said Rick McCallum, pro- 
ducer of the Star Wars Trilogy Special 
Edition and the prequels. “I think he's 
kind of embarrassed by the huge suc- 
cess of both Indiana Jones and Star Wars." 

Embarrassed? Forbes has estimated 
that his personal worth may be as high 
as $2 billion. And his umbrella of com- 
panies, valued at $5 billion, have virtu- 
ally reinvented the way audiences view 
and hear movies. All this was possible 
because Lucas made a daring—and 
brilliant—dedision in 1975. 

With the success of his second film, 
American Graffiti, which cost $780,000 
and grossed $120 million, Lucas nego- 
tiated with Twentieth Century Fox for 
his next film, Star Wars. He gave up a 
large salary and, instead, asked Fox to 
give him ownership of the merchan- 
dising, music and publishing—and all 
sequels. The studio, viewing these as 
nearly worthless, happily agreed. 

Since 1977, Lucas has sold more 
than $4 billion in Star Wars merchan- 
dise. There have also been 2] Star 
Wars-related novels published by Ban- 
tam Books, all but one making the New 
York Times best-seller list. “The biggest 
change over the past 20 years is that 
initially it was only kids buying the 
products. Not anymore," said Howard 
Roffman, vice president of licensing at 
Lucasfilm. "The kids have become 
adults. They're interested in literary 
works, and in more sophisticated video 
games. There's a significant collector 
market out there." 

And, of course, it will not end. 

Lucas poured his fortune into digital 
experiments that, he sensed correctly, 
would transform the movie business. 
He created the premiere special effects 
research and development lab, Indus- 
trial Light & Magic, which charges 
studios as much as $25 million a mov- 
ie and has worked on Hollywood's 
splashiest special effects films, includ- 
ing Jurassic Park and Twister. The sound 
heard in movie theaters worldwide has 
been enhanced by Lucas’ THX Sound 
System, And many of the entertain- 
ment industry's most popular video 
games were created by Lucas Arts En- 
tertainment, which used the Star Wars 
franchise to create such games as 
Rebel Assault, X-Wing and Dark Forces. 

Seated atop this empire is a man as 
complicated as he is private. Lucas 
gives interviews only in his sprawling 
office at Skywalker Ranch. His home 
several miles away, where he lives with 


his three children, is off-limits to jour- 
nalists. Although inward and a bit dis- 
tant, Lucas seems without pretension 
and enormously sel£confident. He in- 
variably wears sneakers, jeans, a plaid 
shirt and Swatch watch, and his beard 
and thick black hair are flecked with 
gray. Lucas seems, in his elaborate of- 
fice, not unlike any other northern Cal- 
ifornia mullet-millionaire whose soft- 
spoken style masks his determination. 
Like his friend Spielberg, Lucas is ac- 
customed to getting his way. 

The success of the rereleased trilogy 
has energized him. Star Wars, the high- 
est grossing film of all time, has now 
taken in overall more than $460 mil- 
lion in box office receipts in the U.S., 
and at least $200 million overseas. 
(Pretty good for a movie that was re- 
jected by Universal and, when made by 
“Twentieth Century Fox, cost $10 mil- 
lion.) With the rerelease, the three 
films have grossed over $1.5 billion 
around the world. 

“Star Wars has always struck a chord 
with people. There are issues of loyalty, 
of friendship, of good and evil," said 
Lucas. “The themes came from stories 
and ideas that have been around for 
thousands of years.” 

Actually, the themes of Star Wars 
seem to have come from a variety of 
sources: mythologist Joseph Campbell, 
classic films such as The Wizard of Oz 
and Stanley Kubrick's 2001, the Flash 
Gordon and Buck Rogers movie serials, 
plus Lucas' own tortured relations with 
his father. According to Dale Pollock, 
author of Skywalking: The Life and Films 
of George Lucas, one of the most signifi- 
cant sources is Carlos Castaneda's Tales 
of Power, an account of a Mexican sor- 
cerer who uses the phrase life force. 

“The major theme in Star Wars, as in 
every Lucas film, is the acceptance of 
personal responsibility," says Pollock. 
"What Lucas seems to be saying is that. 
we can't run away from our calling or 
mission in life but have a duty to do 
whatis expected of us. Hard work, self- 
sacrifice, friendship, loyalty and a com- 
mitment to a higher purpose: These 
are tenets of Lucas’ faith." 

Lucas himself says, "I mean, there's a 
reason this film is so popular. It's not 
that I'm giving out propaganda no- 
body wants to hear." 

By all accounts, the broad details of 
the prequels have been in Lucas' mind 
since the trilogy was completed with 
Return of the Jedi in 1983. Lucas says 
he's aiming for an epic, David Lean 
look, which will make unprecedented 
use of digital filmmaking technology. 

The prequels, which Lucas will fi- 
nance with his own money, will explain 
how young Anakin Skywalker suc- 
cumbs to the dark side and becomes 
Darth Vader. “It's bleak, but if you 


know the other three movies, you 
know everything turns out all right in 
the end—that his son comes back and 
redeems him,” Lucas told the Los Ange- 
les Times. "That's the real story. It's al- 
ways about the redemption of Anakin 
Skywalker. It's just that it’s always been 
told from his son's point of view. 

"When the story of the six films is 
put together," he added, "it hasa more 
interesting arc because you're actually 
rooting more for Darth Vader than you 
are for Luke. Until now, you didn't 
know what the problem really was, be- 
cause Darth Vader is just this bad guy. 
You didn't realize he's actually got a 
problem, too." 

People who know Lucas have always 
insisted that the tortured relationship 
between Darth and Luke springs, in 
many ways, from Lucas' relationship 
with his own father. George Sr. was a 
domineering, ultraright-wing business- 
man who owned a stationery shop in 
Modesto, California. He died in 1991. 

“Did you ever meet George's fa- 
ther?" asked Tom Pollock, George Jr.'s 
attorney in the Seventies and Eighties. 
“I did not understand him until 1 met 
his father and spent some time talking 
with him about his son. That's when 
you realize George is his father." Cer- 
tainly some of Lucas’ hostility toward 
Hollywood, big-city hustlers, bankers 
and lawyers stems from his father's 
conservatism. The elder Lucas re- 
ferred to Hollywood as "Sin City.” Lu- 
cas also inherited his father's fiscal 
moderation, "the common sense I use 
to get me through the business world." 

"I'm the son of a small-town busi- 
nessman," said Lucas. "He was conser- 
vative, and I'm very conservative, al- 
ways have been." 

Yet the filmmaker has also recalled 
being "incredibly angry" at his father. 
Each summer George Sr. would shave 
off his son's hair, giving the boy the 
nickname Butch. They had raging ar- 
guments over young George's decision 
not to take over the family stationery 
business. Even after his son became ex- 
traordinarily wealthy, the elder Lucas, 
while proud, seemed surprised. He 
never believed his son would amount 
to much. "George never listened to 
me,” his father told Time in 1983. “He 
was his mother's pet.” 

. 


George Walton Lucas Jr. was born on 
May 14, 1944 in Modesto, a northern 
California city distinguished mostly by 
its withering heat in the summer, the 
Gallo winery on its outskirts and its 
wide, flat roads perfect for car racing. 
Lucas was a terrible student ("I was 
bored silly"), and as he grew older, he 
immersed himself in music (he kept an 


(continued on page 174) 


4 
f By GLENN O'BRIEN 
ction painting? Well, there was Jackson Pol- Farrah’s artistic influence is the infinitely hip French 


lock and Willem de Kooning and Franz Kline and, 
um, Farrah Fawcett. Actually, Miss Fawcett, the foxi- 
est action painter in art history, came onto the scene 
considerably later, but there's no question her paint- 
ings involve an enormous amount of action. So much 
action, in fact, that in this case the creative process is 
at least as picturesque as the pictures themselves. 


artist Yves Klein (1928-1962), the painter who used 
the unclothed female body to apply paint to canvas. 
In 1960 Klein created his Anthropometrie series using 
nude models as brushes, swathing them in his signa- 
ture pigment, International Klein Blue, and dragging 
them across canvases to the accompaniment of his 
own musical composition, the Monotone Symphony. 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY WILLIAM HAWKES 


ILFORD HP5 PLUS 


ILFORD HPS PLUS 


4A 


3A 


ILFORD HP5| 


) HP5 PLUS 


ПА 


9А 


8A 


ILFORD HP5PLUS 


[ he results were а remark- 


able combination of sophisticat- 
ed abstract gesture, primitive 
eroticism and urbane wit. At 
the time, many people derided 
Klein as a publicity seeker. But 
he was the first artist to realize 
that the creative act could be a 
successful and witty publicity 
stunt, without losing any of its 
validity or power. 


On these pages, Farrah embod- 
ies Rosalind Russell's line about 
the soul of acting (quoted on the 
opposite page) that she brings to 
life in the video Farrah Fawcett: 
All of Me. She lets her cape drop 
in a dramatic cascade and starts 
to turn around but collapses, 
folding into herself. Acting, it 
turns out, is also a combination 
of courage and vulnerability. 


"Acting 
is standing 
up naked 
and 
turning 
around 
very slowly.” 


arrah Fawcett seems to be an- 
other artist who has realized that 
sex and painting and publicity are 
a heady mixture, as you'll notice 
here. Fawcett is a trained artist. 
She studied sculpture and paint- 
ingas an art major at the Universi- 
ty of Texas before she embarked 
on her acting career. Over the 
years she has been busy, as an ac- 
tress and a mother, but she has al- 
ways kept her hand in art and has 
never lost her touch. 

Her home in Bel Air, a two- 
house compound high in the hills, 
is filled with art, much of it her 
own creations. There's an interest- 
ing selection from other artists, 
too, including a portrait of Farrah 
by Andy Warhol. (There's also a 
framed dinner napkin, doodled 
and signed by Warhol, in the pow- 
der room.) The compound has 
two studio spaces filled with her 
modeled-in-day busts and recent 
body paintings. Her studio doesn't 
look like that of a Sunday painter. 
It's a real work space, with brushes 
lying around, stretchers stacked 
against walls, and notes, photos 
and drawings taped everywhere. 
It's obvious that if she had taken 
another career path, that of fine 
artist, she has the talent and the 
skill to have made it. Her early fig- 
urative paintings show a classical 
proficiency and her sculptures— 
heads and torsos—show a genuine 
feeling for the human form. And 
though Farrah hasn't worked at 
her art steadily, you can tell it has 
been much on her mind through- 
out her life. 

"I've wanted to do body paint- 
ing ever since I was at the Univer- 
sity of Texas in 1968," says the 
very fine artist (who looks more 
like she was born in 1968). "I 
played around with a little body 
painting then. I wasn't interested 
in painting my body, in being a 
living canvas. I wanted to use my 
body as a brush, to actually paint 
with parts of my body. 


^ 


+ 
T 


didn't do any canvases, but I 
made some interesting designs that 
looked abstract, yet you knew what 
they were. I did this incredible 
butt. I didn't really pursue it then. 
But it's something I've thought a 
lot about over the years, and I 
knew I would do it eventually. 

“It’s something 1 wanted to do 
for my first PLAYBOY shoot, for 
the December 1995 issue. But it's 
probably better that it happened 
now. If you look at those pictures 
and these pictures, you see two 
different people. I've grown and 
I've developed the courage and 
the conviction to get this donc. I'm 
basically a shy person. When 1 was 
approached by млувоу I knew 
that I wanted to do something 
artistic. Historically, Americans 
have been known to have a prob- 
lem with both art and nudity. In 
Europe people seem to be much 
more open toward art and the 
body. I studied Renaissance art 
and have always admired the rela- 
tionship between art and the nude 
body. For example, I saw a piece 
at auction I wanted—it was of a 
beautiful woman whose body was 
completely covered by a deep-bur- 
gundy cloak. 

"It turned out to be a John Opie, 
a priceless piece, that was export- 
ed from Europe to America at the 
turn of the century. The man who 
was bidding against me for it was 
a restorer. Afterward I had him 
work on the piece. The paint was 
crackly and I wanted to see what 
was underneath. As the layers 
were slowly removed, the figure 
turned out to be covered by only a 
transparent piece of fabric—and 
she was holding a wineglass. The 
piece had been altered to be more 
palatable to American sensibilities 

“There is a sensuality in art, and 
T wanted to use nudity to create an 
art of sensuality. When I posed for 
PLAYBOY the first time, I was disap- 
pointed that I was unable to ex- 
press my emotions and energy and 
sexuality through my art 


he 


photos were artistic and 1 proved 
that (text concluded on page 170) 


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PLAYBOY 


HARD TIMES (continued from page 110) 


America was discovering that poverty had the same 
power to change sex as prosperity. 


destitute until "she took off her pants," 
danced naked behind ostrich plumes 
and a giant opaque balloon. 

Nudity, it seems, was the symbol of 
progress. Titillation, the power to di- 
vert public attention away from the un- 
thinkable, would become a national 
resource. (Indeed, FDR's National Re- 
covery Administration went so far as to 
dictate how many striptease acts could 
be performed in an evening of bur- 
lesque in New York. The figure: four.) 

As dust gathered in the wind, as the 
floodwaters rose, we looked for escape. 

America was discovering that pover- 
ty had the same power to change sex as 
prosperity. Where one gave permis- 
sion, the other created a desperate in- 
difference, or a fear that change might 
lead to chaos. The battle between the 
sexes, once fought for equality and re- 
spect, now was a struggle for survival. 


THE END OF PROHIBITION 


What had been perceived as a moral 
crusade and called the Noble Experi- 
ment had become a national joke. With 
FDR came the repeal of Prohibition. 
The transition from dry to wet was a 
time of celebration. What had been 
naughty now bordered on the re- 
spectable. The gangsters who had 
peered through peepholes and lis- 
tened for passwords now took reserva- 
tions. Speakeasies became fashionable 
nightclubs such as the 21, El Morocco, 
the Cotton Club and the Stork Club. 
Rumrunners and respectable business- 
men built art deco bars and restaurants 
and Café Society was born. At the Stork 
Club, a haunt frequented by gangsters 
and G-men alike, J. Edgar Hoover 
hung out with Walter Winchell, whose 
syndicated gossip column and radio 
broadcasts reached 30 million Ameri- 
cans a week. 

Alcohol was no longer government 
business. If you had a problem with 
booze, you could join the newly created 
Alcoholics Anonymous. Former liquor 
control agents such as Harry Anslinger 
would have to create a new threat, 
reefer madness, to stay employed. 

The end of Prohibition didn't mean 
the end of organized crime. The gang- 
sters simply turned to other endeavors, 
among them extortion, gambling and 
prostitution. Al “Scarface” Capone 
took the fall in Chicago on an income 
tax rap, but Charles "Lucky" Luciano 
made the Mob in New York into a na- 
tional syndicate—with himself as the 


boss of bosses. He seemed beyond the 
reach of the law, until an enterprising 
assistant D.A. noticed that all the pros- 
titutes who came through court had 
the same lawyer, same bail bondsman 
and same sad story. Investigation re- 
vealed an organized sex trade that net- 
ted $12 million a year. Luciano alleged- 
ly ran more than 200 houses of ill 
repute, an affront that could not be 
overlooked. Where the Mafia might 
adhere to a code of silence, the women 
they hired did not. One prostitute tes- 
tified that she had been Luciano's per- 
sonal property, that she had sat in his 
bedroom while he organized the pros- 
titution ring, listening to incriminating 
phone calls between sex acts. Prosecu- 
tor Thomas Dewey sent the father 
of organized crime up the river on a 
sex charge. 


BOOK BURNING. 


By the Thirties the entire culture 
had become sexual. Àn editorial in the 
November 25, 1931 Nation advised 
"permitting grown-ups to decide for 
themselves what books they shall buy, 
what plays they shall see and even what 
pictures of undressed females they 
shall look upon." 

It was not to be. In times of econom- 
ic chaos, the need for control focused 
on the erotic. 

Other nations, facing the same up- 
heaval, viewed sex and sexual expres- 
sion as the roots of disorder. Hitler's 
thugs ransacked the Berlin Institute of 
Sexual Science and destroyed the 
works of Magnus Hirschfeld. Hitler 
suppressed Theodoor van De Velde's 
pioneering sex manual Ideal Mar- 
riage—a book that had gone through 
42 printings in Germany between 1996 
and 1933. On May 10, 1933, 5000 
Nazis started a bonfire that would con- 
sume a culture. Building a pyre in 
front of the University of Berlin, stu- 
dents put to the torch volumes by Al- 
bert Einstein, Thomas Mann, Karl 
Marx, H.G. Wells, Ernest Hemingway, 
Havelock Ellis, Margaret Sanger and 
Sigmund Freud. (Freud dwelt on "the 
animal qualities of human nature," 
cried one of the book burners.) 

In Purity in Print, Paul Boyer tells 
how a Nazi historian justified the 
purge: "The fire is to us the sign and 
symbol of an inflexible will to purity. 
"The nests of corruption shall be de- 
stroyed and the haunts of degenera- 
tion purified. Youth, prizing its human 


dignity, presses forward to the light, to 
the sun. O thou eternal longing of the 
soul to be free from degrading smut 
and trash!" 

America looked at those flames and 
recoiled. More than 100,000 people in 
New York City and 50,000 in Chicago 
marched in protest of the Nazi book 
burnings. 

John Sumner, who had inherited 
Anthony Comstock's New York Society. 
for the Suppression of Vice, quietly re- 
moved the group's symbol—a top-hat- 
ted gentleman tossing a pile of books 
onto a bonfire—from the annual re- 
port. Sumner began to withdraw from 
the censorship crusade, noting that 
perhaps Comstock had been "some- 
what of a religious fanatic who also 
loved notoriety.” 

Not everyone in America was op- 
posed to censorship. There were those 
who heard the phrase "banned in 
Boston" and felt civic pride. Bluenoses 
in New England blacklisted Boccaccio's 
Decameron, Erskine Caldwell's God's Lit- 
Ше Acre and Hemingway's The Sun Also 
Rises, while Detroit censors protected 
citizens from Casanova's Mémoires and 
Hemingway's Tò Have and Have Not. 

In 1930 Congress had passed the 
Smoot-Hawley Tariff. A last-minute 
amendment gave U.S. Customs the 
power to ban obscene books or items. 
Senator Reed Smoot, like Comstock 
before him, had thrown a "senatorial 
stag party" Legislators leered over 
contraband copies of Lady Chatterley's 
Lover, the Kama Sutra and Frank Har- 
ris’ My Life and Loves. Lust was a for- 
eign product, a foreign idea that 
should be kept from American shores. 
Apparently, there's nothing like sex to 
obscure a lawmaker’s memory of the 
Bill of Rights. (The nonsexual parts of 
the Smoot-Hawley bill, intended to 
ease the effects of the Depression, actu- 
ally cost the nation nearly $2 billion a 
month in lost trade opportunities, and 
was generally credited with contribut- 
ing to the economic chaos that led to 
World War Two.) 

In the same year that the Nazis 
burned books, Morris Ernst, the gener- 
al counsel ofthe American Civil Liber- 
ties Union, defied U.S. Customs by try- 
ing to bring a copy of James Joyce's 
Ulysses into the country. In December 
1933 Judge John Munro Woolsey 
ruled that the book did not "stir the sex 
impulses." Nowhere could he find "the 
leer of the sensualist." Within weeks, 
33,000 Americans bought—and were 
baffled by— Joyce's literary lust. 

U.S. Customs did not readily relin- 
quish its role as guardian of American 
morals, however. In 1934 it would ban 
Miller's Tropic of Cancer, a ribald 
tion of the writer's life in Paris. 


(continued on page 142) 


"Odd how things work, isn't it? 


ТОЛА 


All I did was answer yes to the company’s medical questionnaire, 


Are you sexually active? —now here I am, 
having dinner with the CEO!” 


137 


joven. e Y 


М’ we started this interview with 

Wi: Lovitz almost seven years ago, he 
was best known as the Master Thespian on 
"Saturday Night Live.” His impersonations 
included former Democratic presidential 
candidate Michael Dukakis and the presi- 
dent of Pathological Liars Anonymous, 
Tommy Flanagan. When Lovitz exited 
“SNL” (with great regret) in 1990 to pursue 
a movie career, he left this interview unfin- 
ished because of his intensely demanding 
schedule. Only now, on the heels of such 
widely respected achievements as being the 
voice of cartoon movie reviewer Jay Sher- 
man on “The Critic” on TV, plus roles in “A 
League of Their Own,” “City Slickers II,” 
“Big,” “Three Amigos,” “North” and “High 
School High,” could Lovitz finally take a 
break to complete this “20 Questions.” Con- 
tributing Editor David Rensin had patient- 
ly sat by the phone, forsaking all other work, 
waiting for Lovitz to reschedule. Rensin re- 
ports: “As befits his stature, Jon wanted to 
talk poolside at the Beverly Hills Hotel. For 
security purposes, the staff had cleared the 
area of bathers. As the wind swept past the 
empty cabanas, I took a seat on an adjacent 
deck chair and flipped on the tape recorder. 
Lovitz turned to me and, as if the passing 
years had simply been a feverish dream, 
said, ‘So, as I was saying. . . .”” 


1. 


PLAYBOY: You're on the verge of leading 
man-hood. If you were a casting direc- 
tor looking for a Lovitz type, how 
would you describe what you vanted? 
Lovitz: A good character actor who 
will bring some 


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Pittand George 


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seem to define 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY DANA FINEMAN 2 


today’s leading man. Whose body 
would you choose to inhabit for a day 
and why? 

LOVITZ: 1 know them both, but I know 
George better than Brad, so I think I'd 
like to be in Brad. That doesn't make 
me sound gay, does it? Anyway, he was 
named the World's Sexiest Man, and I 
wouldn't mind that for a day. I could 
just look around a room, point at the 
girls and say, "Hey, you. You." Now 
when I go into a room, it's, “Me? Me? 
How about me? What about zie?" Actu- 
ally, they're both great guys, nice and 
down-to-earth. Both have been around 
for years, working hard. They don't 
have fat heads. They're real smart. And 
after I've said all this they should both 
think I'm such a great guy that they'd 
want to be in my body for a day. No— 
again, that makes me sound gay. For 
the record, I like women. 


3. 


PLAYBOY: Does that mean you can't dis- 
cuss rhe hidden homoerotic appeal of 
submarine movies? 

LOVITZ: No. I did see Crimson Tide, with 
Denzel Washington and Gene Hack- 
man, and I thought the acting was 
great. I took my friend Jennifer, and 
after the film I said, "So, what did you 
think?" She said, "It's just a big old pe- 
nis movie." I said, "What do you 
mean?" She said, “The submarine is 
shaped like a penis, the missile is 
shaped like a penis." T said, "What, do 
you want the missile to be shaped | 
vagina, so when they say 'Fire missile 
one' it travels three feet, fills up with 
water and sinks? That'd be a great 
movie." Fortunately, she laughed. 


аз 


PLAYBOY: Under what circumstances 
will you do a nude scene? 

Lovitz: 1 did one—in My Stepmother Is 
an Alien, with Kim Basinger. But she in- 
sisted it be cut because, as she said, 
"He's so beautiful in the nude that no 
one will look at me." I said, *I under- 
stand, dear." Of course, I will always be 
nude emotionally. I'm nude now, as we 
speak. Whenever I'm wearing clothes, 
I guarantee you, underneath it all I am 
nude. Nude as a bee. Tell you what: If 
I were to play Harvey Fierstein, then 
and only then would I do it. But I 
would have a body double. 


5. 


PLAYBOY: How do women manage to 
control our self-esteem? 


DZ 


Lovitz: When you're in bed with a 
woman, right after you've finished 
making love, whatever she does or says 
can build you up or crush you. If she's 
looking at you in ecstasy and smiling, 
then you're like, Yeah. You feel good. 
Everyone wants to be thought of as a 
great lover. But if, when you finish, she 
says, "Oh, get off” that can pretty 
much destroy you. When a guy finish- 
es, all he wants to hear is, "You know, 
you're amazing. You're incredible. You 
make me feel like a complete woman." 
So it might be better for a woman to say 
nothing at all and leave it to the guy's 
imagination. But they don't. Women 
always want to talk. You're tired, it's 
late and you vant to go to sleep. But 
they want to talk. And about what? "So, 
what did you do today?" "What are you 
thinking?" What I’m thinking is, Hey, 
that was great. Now shut up so I can go 
to sleep. I think what they want to hear 
is, “I love you. Will you marry me?” 
I think that's what they're getting at. 
So the answer should be, "I'm think- 
ing that you're so beautiful. And, you 
know, that was so great, it just makes 
me want to relax. I want to fall asleep 
and dream about you." Right. 


6. 


PLAYBOY: Share a love secret. What can 
you do to drive a woman wild? 

Lovrrz: Does the phrase "hood up" 
mean anything to you? 


7. 


PLAYBOY: How can the Liar tell when 
others are lying? 

Lovitz: He can't. He believes every- 
thing. And then he'll just capitalize on 
it and do you one better. If you said 
[points to artwork on a wall], “1 painted 
that," the Liar would say, "Oh yeah, 
that's right. I saw your name at the bot- 
tom. Yeah. I posed for it. Remember?” 
“No, I don't remember that.” “Well, I 
was wearing a mask. You didn't recog- 
nize me." This is something you can do 
with real pathological liars. They will 
believe anything you tell them, because 
they think they're putting one over on 
you. So if you know they're lying and 
you act like you believe them, you can 
lie right back. They don't have a clue, 
because they think that they're the on- 
ly one lying. 


8. 


PLAYBOY: Since you do so many charac- 


ters, howdo you handle getting bugged 


139 


PLAYBOY 


140 


to do messages for people's answering. 
machines? 

Lovirz: I don't care, really. It's usually 
for my friends. I do it [grimaces] and then 
they make me do it over and over for 
half an hour. They go, "No! That's not 
right! Make it funny, like this." They 
start directing me. They say, "No, 
wrong! Too long! Do this!” I'm always 
saying stuff they don't want on their ma- 
chines. 1 usually do it as the Master 
Thespian. [Booming theatrical voice] " Hel- 
lo, І can't come to the phone right now. 
I'm in the bathroom. So please leave a 


message and T'Il— Oops! Sorry!" 
9. 


PLAYBOY: What's the most demeaning job 
you've ever had? 

Lovirz: I was an orderly in a hospital for 
six months. I had to wipe people's butts 
after they took a shit. I wouldn't say it 
was demeaning, but I wouldn't want to 
do it again. I couldn't believe it. You're 
standing there wiping somebody's butt, 
going, "Gee, I wish I were onstage." 
"Then I'd remember my father saying, 
“You want to act?” But Pd think, Why, 
when I can do this? 


10. 


PLAYBOY: Now that you're a big star, how 
do you manage to resist taking advan- 
tage of women who throw themselves 
at you? 

Lovitz: And indeed they do. And they're 
all stunningly beautiful. So I think it's 
my duty to take advantage. Actually, I 
usually hear, "I love your work. I think. 
you're funny. You bring joy into the 
world." I'd rather hear a beautiful wom- 
an say, "You're so funny. Let's go some- 
where." The idea that women, when 
asked what's most important in a man, 
say "a sense of humor"—thats the 
biggest bunch of horseshit. OK: Here's 


my friend Joe; he's really funny. And 
here's the Sheik of Arabia. Who do you 
want to go out with? “Well, is the sheik 
funny?” No. “All right, I'll go out with 
the sheik.” I mean, come on! Who are 


we kidding? 
и. 


PLAYBOY: You like to go online. Do you 
tell people who you are? How often do 
you log on as a woman? 

Lovitz: I get online and Pm dying to tell 
people it's me. I go, "What do you think. 
of Jon Lovitz?” They'll say “He's funny" 
or “He sucks" or something. Then ГЇЇ 
say, "Hey, I am Jon Lovitz" and they'll 
say, “Yeah, right. Yeah, that’s the ticket.” 
They don't believe it. Eventually one 
person will send me a private message 
asking, “You're really Jon Lovitz?” “Yes. 
Ask me anything." So he or she starts 
asking me stuff and then goes, "Oh my 
God." 

I logged on as a lesbian once. The les- 
bian chat rooms are pretty fun—until 
you realize that every lesbian there is re- 
ally a man trying to find a lesbian. 


12. 


PLAYBOY: You've known Lisa Kudrow 
since she was a little girl. Did you ever 
have a crush on her? Are you still 
friends? 

Lovitz: Her brother, David Kudrow— 
he's now a neurologist—and I became 
best friends in about sixth grade. I was 
always at their house. Her parents are 
like my parents. When I was in college 
and she was about 14 we would always 
talk about acting. I got her a book about 
auditioning and wrote in it: “To My Fel- 
low Thespian." When I was on Saturday 
Night Live I encouraged her to take class- 
es at the Groundlings Theater, and she 
did. Now she tells me I inspired her. 
"That makes me feel pretty good. 


"I know it's your beeper! Where the hell is it?” 


Inever hada crush on her, but I've al- 
ways liked her. She's like my sister. My 
mom and her mom once tried to set us 
up, but I said, "Jesus, it'd be like seeing 
David's face coming at me for a kiss.” 


13. 


PLAYBOY: What is the most amazing thing 
you've ever found in a woman's purse? 
Lovitz: Well, it was kind of weird. She 
was crazy. A friend of mine set me up 
with her, and I said, "Are you seeing any- 
one now?" She said, "No. I was, but we 
just broke up." I said, "What was he 
like?” And she said, “Here, judge for 
yourself,” and she pulled out a little box 
and opened it. In it was his dick. It had 
the initials pc, and it was very little. And 
then she rubbed it, and you could kind 
Of see DAN . . . CAR. . . . And then she 
rubbed it a little more, and it said DANA 
CARVEY. 


14. 


PLAYBOY: If the Liar were on television to- 
day, who would be his Morgan Fairchild 
and why? 

Lovitz: Gwyneth Paltrow. It would be 
funny because everyone knows she's 
with Brad Pitt. [As the Liar] "She's actual- 
ly with me. I lent her to Brad. I didn't. 
tell him. Or her. I might spring it on 
them someday. I secretly married her— 
without her knowledge." 


155 


PLAYBOY: How do you go about building 
self-confidence? 

Lovrrz: When you look in the mirror, 
know that the handsome fellow staring 
back at you is indeed you. But however 
good you look, know that he’s two-di- 
mensional and you're three-dimension- 
al, and so you look even better. 


16. 


PLAYBOY: What doesn't look good on 
you? 

Lovrrz: Thank you. What doesn't look 
good on me! 


17. 


PLAYBOY: You share a beach house with 
another guy. What do you do when he's 
entertaining someone? 

Lovitz: When he has a date over, and 
he's sitting on the couch with her, I like 
to plop down next to her and say, “Hi. 
Want to be alone?" I do everything I can 
to embarrass him. He always says, “I'll 
get you later." It's a lot of fun. 


18. 


PLAYBOY: Many actors experience anxiety 
after they finish a project and fear they'll 
never get another job. How do you han- 
dle the pressure? 

Lovitz: After 1 left Saturday Night Live I 
kept thinking, Should I have left? 
Should I have left? I did that for about. 
two years. Then I got a job and I was 
OK. The best lesson I learned about this 


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142 


was from William Shatner, when he host- 
ed Saturday Night Live. Every week I'd be 
all anxiety-ridden and tense, and theyd 
say, "You've got to work on your scene." 
But when Shatner hosted the show, he 
seemed so relaxed. I said, "How do you 
do it?" He said, “Just . . . doit." The next 
week I tried to relax. I realized that all 
anyone was asking was whether I could 
walk from the door to the couch and 
then speak. I knew how to walk. I knew 
how to speak. So 1 just did it, and I 
found it worked. Instead of worrying 
about being funny, I was fine—perhaps 
not more funny, but not less funny than 
when I was all tied up inside. 


19. 


PLAYBOY: What's the appeal of the hooker 
in Hollywood? 

Lovirz: Well, they're really pretty, and 
they're really good in bed—so I’ve 
heard. 1 think die appeal to any man is 
that there's nothing involved but pure 
sex and lust. In Japan and France men 
have mistresses. It's not natural for a 
man to be in a monogamous relation- 
ship. Your testosterone is going all the 
time. For women to say that men are 


pigs because they want to sleep with a lot 
of women is like saying women are 
ridiculous because they want to be with 
one man, have kids and nest. It's our in- 
stinct. It's just the way itis. Ifa man were 
able to impregnate a woman only once a 
month, he'd have to hook up with a per- 
son on the right cycle. The species would 
probably die. It would be hell if both sex- 
es had to check their temperatures with 
those basal thermometers all the time. 
One of us always has to be ready to go, 
and it just so happens it's the man. 


20. 


PLAYBOY: During City Slickers II you inter- 
viewed Jack Palance for Movieline. 
What's the question that you didn't get 
to ask? 

LOVITZ: I asked it, only they left it out. I 
said: "Now, Jack, you were a profession- 
al heavyweight boxer, then you went on 
to make movies. You're known as a real 
tough guy. But what I vant to know is: If 
you had bcen born a woman, what 
would you want to look like?" He said, “I 
wouldn't change a thing." 


"May I remind you, Georgie Porgie, that you not only kissed 
the girls—you made them cry." 


HARD TIMES 


(continued from page 136) 

While Customs seemed obsessed with 
controlling foreign ideas about sex, it let 
foreign ideas about censorship pass. The 
increasing influx of immigrants had in- 
troduced a Roman Catholic model into 
moral intervention. While Puritans re- 
lied on government and vigilante vice 
groups for repression, the Catholics 
looked to the Vatican. For centuries, the 
Catholic Church had published the Index 
Librorum Prohibitorum—a list of banned 
publications. The Church not only 
burned books. It had, on occasion, 
burned authors. Churchgoers who sam- 
pled prohibited literature faced a differ- 
ent kind of fire. 

Catholics believed in a single infallible 
authority, while among Protestants "ev- 
ery man was his own priest." The Cath- 
olics were not only better organized than 
the Protestants, they also ran the poli- 
tical machines and law enforcement in 
many of the nation's major cities. When 
"the agents of gang religion" tried to 
dictate the tastes of Americans, the re- 
sults would be felt for decades. 


THECODE 


From the outset, Hollywood had been 
plagued by freelance censors. It seemed 
that every city and township had a scis- 
sors-wielding crusader. Following the 
Fatty Arbuckle scandal in 1921, studios 
confronted almost 40 separate state bills 
calling for film censorship. They had re- 
sponded by forming the Hays Oflice. 
The industry would regulate itself ac- 
cording to a set of guidelines known as 
"the Don'ts and the Be Carefuls." 

The Hays Office may have placated 
the Protestants; the Catholics had other 
ideas. George Cardinal Mundelein of 
Chicago, Martin Quigley (publisher of 
the Motion Picture Herald), Joseph Breen 
(a Catholic reporter and PR flack) and 
two Jesuits, Fathers Daniel Lord and 
Fitzgeorge Dinneen—all connected to 
the Archdiocese of Chicago—felt that 
the Hays Office guidelines had become a 
travesty and that Will Hays himself had 
become a studio stooge. Quigley and 
company drafted a model of the "Cardi- 
nal's Code"—what became the Motion 
Picture Production Code in March 1930. 

Under the rubric of General Princi- 
ples, the Code declared: “No picture 
shall be produced which will lower the 
moral standards of those who see it. 
Hence the sympathy of the audience 
shall never be thrown to the side of 
crime, wrongdoing, evil or sin. 

“Law, natural or human, shall not be 
ridiculed, nor shall sympathy be created 
for its violation.” 

The Production Code prohibited 
scenes that made adultery or illicit sex 
seem attractive. (One critic wondered 
how the studios hoped to accomplish 
this goal. Did it mean that one had to 


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show ugly mistresses?) 

Directors could not indulge in scenes 
of gratuitous passion: Ardor could ap- 
pear only when essential to the plot. (But 
the very nature of passion is that it is un- 
expected, that it leads only to romance 
and not to, say, the discovery of radio 
waves or a new planet.) 

The Code was against "excessive and 
lustful kissing, lustful embraces and sug- 
gestive postures or gestures." As Gene 
Fowler, a Hollywood humorist, wrote, 
“Will Hays is my shepherd, I shall not 
want. He maketh me to lie down in clean 
postures." 

If a plot demanded passion, then di 
rectors were to show it so as "not to stim- 
ulate the lower and baser emotions." Or 
as Fowler noted: “Thou shalt not photo- 
graph the wiggling belly, the gleaming 
thigh or the winkling navel, especially to. 
music, as goings-on of this ilk sorely 
troubleth the litle boys of our land and 
so crammeth the theater with adoles- 
cence that papa cannot find a scat." 

The Code prohibited treatment of 
rape, seduction, sexual perversion, 
white slavery, sex relationships between 
whites and blacks, scenes of childbirth 
and the filming of a child's sex organs. 
Nudity was out of the question. 

Hays and the Hollywood moguls saw 
the Code as a means of fending off real 
censorship. What did they know? 


LIGHTS, CAMERA, ACTION 


During the first years of the Depres- 
sion moviegoers vanished. Almost 90 
million viewers had flocked to dream 
palaces weekly in 1930: By the end of 
1931 the figure was 60 million. Father 
Danicl Lord, trying to justify the Pro- 
duction Code, blamed the downturn on 
"too much sex" in the movies. 

Hollywood looked at the figures and 
came to the opposite conclusion. As the 
Depression deepened, directors by and 
large ignored the Code. Studios on the 
edge of bankruptcy released increas- 
ingly explicit films. Marlene Dietrich, 
dressed in a man’s tuxedo, kisses a 
woman to get Gary Cooper’s attention in 
Morocco (1930). Joan Crawford plays a 
prostitute led astray by a preacher in 
Rain (1932). Jean Harlow uses sex as a 
passport to success in Red Headed Woman 
(1932). Barbara Stanwyck does the same 
in Baby Face (1933), sleeping her way to 
the top of the corporate ladder. With ti- 
tles such as Illicit, Sinners Holiday, Confes- 
sions of a Coed, Forbidden and Skyscraper 
Souls, the movie studios pushed the lim- 
its of propriety. There was even a version 
of William Faulkner's controversial nov- 
el Sanctuary—a story that featured thc 
raping of a woman with a corncob. 

Even musicals ignored the Code. In 
42nd Street, Gold Diggers of 1933 and 
Footlight Parade, Busby Berkeley trans- 
formed near-naked chorines into kalei- 
doscopic erotic fantasies and Freudian 
fountains. In one scene, he turned 


women into musical instruments, 
prompting a mother to protest: "I did 
not raise my daughter to be a human 
harp.” 


SIGN OF THE CROSS 


Frank Walsh, author of Sin and Censor- 
ship, believes that one movie “played a 
significant role” in triggering the subse- 
quent Catholic crusade. In 1932 director 
Cecil B. De Mille, flouting the Code, re- 
leased a film that combined “sex, nudity, 
arson, homosexuality, lesbianism, mass 
murder and orgies." 

The Sign of the Cross was spectacular. It 
followed Hollywood's old trademark for- 
mula of six reels of sin, one reel of con- 
demnation, opening with the burning of 
Rome, followed by Claudette Colbert, 
playing the Empress Poppaea, breast 
deep in a milk bath. A beautiful body, 
glistening, always on the edge of expo- 
sure—it held the nation's attention. 

The film pitted the Christian virgin 
Mercia, a model of purity, against all the 
vices of pagan Rome. It culminates in an 
afternoon of Roman programming: See 
a naked slave tethered to a stake as a love 
morsel for a crazed gorilla. Witness a 
woman clad in only a garland of flowers 
be suspended between two stakes while 
crocodiles advance. Watch elephants 
crush the skulls of true believers, Ama- 
zons spike Pygmies on spears, gladiators 
slaughter slaves. See lions feast on 
Christians! 

In one powerful scene a Christian 
martyr carries a child into the arena, 
hiding the girl's face beneath his cloak so 
she will not see the slaughter. Father 
Lord and the others wanted to draw a 
cloak over the eyes of all Americans. 

Realizing that the Code would not be 
enforced unless there was pressure from 
outside the industry, supporters began 
to organize, reaching out to other influ- 
ential Catholics. In October 1933 the 
group persuaded Monsignor Amleto 
Giovanni Cicognani, the newly appoint- 
ed apostolic delegate from Rome, to en- 
dorse a crusade: "Catholics are called 
by God, the Pope, the bishops and the 
pricsts to a unitcd and vigorous cam- 
paign for the purification of the cinema, 
which has become a deadly menace to 
morals." 

In response, the American bishops ap- 
pointed a committee to organize what 
would become known as the Legion of. 
Decency. 

Between seven million and nine mil- 
lion Catholics took a pledge: “I condemn 
indecent and immoral pictures and 
those which glorify crime or criminals. I 
promise to do all that I can to strengthen 
public opinion against the production of 
indecent and immoral films and to unite 
with all those who protest them. I ac- 
knowledge my obligation to form a right 
conscience about pictures that are dan- 
gerous to my moral life. As a member of 
the Legion of Decency I pledge myself to 


JH LUIS WINN TOD ood 


PLAYBOY 


146 


remain away from them. I promise, fur- 
ther, to stay away altogether from places 
of amusement which show them as a 
matter of policy." 

"Purify Hollywood or destroy Holly- 
wood" became the anthem of the new 
crusade. A Buffalo priest came up with 
a new catechism: M=moral menace, 
O=obscenity, V=vulgarity, I=immorali- 
ty, E=exposure, S=sex. Bishops and 
priests produced lists of blacklisted films, 
often in conflict with one another. 

Film historian Gregory Black says: 
“The Catholic periodical Extension Maga- 
zine told readers that movies were ‘an oc- 
casion of sin.’ If Catholics knowingly 
went to a movie that the church had de- 
clared ‘immoral,’ they had committed a 
mortal sin. 

"A mortal sin was considered a major 
breach of Catholic dogma, and if not for- 
given through confession and serious 
penance, would result in eternal dam- 
nation. Suddenly, Catholics faced the 
prospect of eternal damnation for going 
to the wrong movie!" 

In September 1934 some 70,000 stu- 
dents took to the streets of Chicago not 
to protest book burning in Germany, but. 
to declare a new war. They carried plac- 
ards that read: AN ADMISSION TO AN IN- 
DECENT MOVIE IS AN ADMISSION TICKET 
TO HELL. 

Pass the popcorn. 


THE HOLLYWOOD HITLER 


It was not enough to pledge fidelity to 
a Catholic approved Production Code. 
The Code required an enforcer. 

In 1932 Joe Breen, who had joined 


the Hays Office as a special assistant to 
the president, wrote to Father Wilfrid 
Parsons, an influential Jesuit, complain- 
ing that Hollywood Jews would never 
honor the Code: 

“They are simply a rotten bunch of 
vile people with no respect for anything 
beyond the making of money. Here in 
Hollywood we have paganism rampant 
and in its most virulent form. Drunken- 
ness and debauchery are commonplace. 
Sexual perversion is rampant. Any num- 
ber of our directors and stars are per- 
verts. These Jews seem to think of noth- 
ing but moneymaking and sexual 
indulgence. The vilest kind of sin is a 
common indulgence hereabouts and the 
men and women who engage in this sort 
of business are the men and women who 
decide what the film fare of the nation is 
to be. They and they alone make the de- 
cision. Ninety-five percent of these folks 
are Jews ofan eastern European lineage. 
They are, probably, the scum of the 
earth.” 

In a meeting with studio heads, 
Joseph Scott, a Catholic lawyer invit- 
ed by Breen and Los Angeles’ Bishop 
Cantwell, called the Jews “disloyal” 
Americans, engaged in “a conspiracy to 
debauch the youth of the land.” Scott re- 
minded the producers that there were 
groups in America “sympathetic with the 
Nazi assaults on Jews in Germany and 
were even now organizing further to at- 
tack the Jew in America.” 

Catholics represented one third of the 
movie audience in major cities. A boycott 
would have killed the industry. Holly- 
wood capitulated: Hays hired Breen to 


“Well, we've sure come a long way from ‘Drink Coca-Cola.’” 


enforce the Production Code. Between 
1936 and 1939 Breen's office handed 
down 26,808 opinions interpreting 
the Code. 

In the gospel according to Breen, the 
sophisticated married couple Nick and 
Nora Charles slept in twin beds through- 
out the half a dozen Thin Man films. No 
women appeared pregnant on-screen. 
No bathroom had a toilet. And Betty 
Boop gave up her garter. 

Under the Production Code the aver- 
age length ofa screen kiss dropped from 
72 inches of film (about four seconds) to 
18 inches (or 1.5 seconds). Nudity disap- 
peared. Troubled by the trailer for Tàr- 
zan and His Mate that showed Jane swim- 
ming naked with Johnny Weissmuller, 
Breen demanded that the scene be cut 
from the finished movie. He also insisted 
on less revealing attire for the jungle 
couple. In a scene where Tarzan drags 
Jane into their treetop abode, Breen or- 
dered cut the sound of Jane's contented 
laughter. 

In another film, he objected to the 
look of expectation on a bride's face as 
she climbed into bed with her husband 
on a Pullman train. You could not show 
sexual pleasure, and you could not show 
the anticipation of sexual pleasure ei- 
ther. The Code insisted that great care 
be taken when filming in bedrooms be- 
cause "certain places are so closely and 
thoroughly associated with sexual life. 
and with sexual sin that their use must 
be carefully limited." According to some 
scholars, the Code changed the nature 
of lovemaking, creating an unlikely Ka- 
ma Sutra where couples on a couch or 
bed had to keep one foot on the floor. 

Breen censored references to abor- 
tion, breast-feeding, pregnancy and 
childbirth. Children fell from the sky (lit- 
erally, when Boy was added to the cast of 
Tarzan). A highly acclaimed education- 
al film titled The Birth of a Baby, which 
showed scenes of childbirth, was denied 
approval. The subject was "sacred." 

Breen inflicted the standards of the 
Victorian era on movie dialogue. One 
could not utter the words nerts, nuts, 
cripes, fanny, Gawd, hell or hold your 
hat. You could not call a woman an alley 
cat, a bat, a broad, a chippie, a tart, a slut. 
or a madam. Go figure. 

According to Frank Walsh, Joe Breen 
seemed obsessed with "the intimate be- 
havior of barnyard animals." "At no 
time,” opined a member of Breen's staff, 
"should there be any shots of actual 
milking, and there cannot be any show- 
ing of the udders of the cow.” The Code 
could not tolerate King Kong’s lust for 
Fay Wray—cutting scenes that showed 
Kong peeling off the dress from the 
writhing sacrificial victim. (It was Breen, 
not Beauty, who killed the Beast.) If 
he did nor get a film on its debut, he 
cut it on its rerelease. By the next de- 
cade, such sexually aggressive monsters 
as Frankenstein and Dracula had been 


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reduced to straight men for Abbott and 
Costello. 

As for relations between humans, the 
battles over the filming of Gone With the 
Wind were impressive. Breen's office 
shortened a shot of Scarlett O'Hara lick- 
ing her chops after the night Rhett But- 
ler carried her up the stairs. The censors 
requested that Rhett's parting shot be 
changed to "Frankly, my dear, I just 
don't care." More than two million peo- 
ple had read the novel without Western 
civilization being plunged into depravi- 
ty. Producer David O. Selznick refused 
to change the line. 

The censor's control reached beyond 
the cutting room. Hollywood studio 
heads went out of their way to police the 
private lives of actors and actresses. The 


Body and Soul * A Cottage for S. 
Blue, Turning Gray Over You * 
braceable You * Love for Sale * On 
Sunny Side of the Street * Puttin’ on the 
‚Ritz * Sophisticated Lady * Mood Indi- 
go * Dancing in the Dark * Goodnight 
Sweetheart * The Thrill Is Gone 

T 

Learn to Croon * All of Me * I Found 
a Million Dollar Baby (In the Five and 
Ten Cent Store) * Just a Gigolo * Min- 
mie the Moocher 

T 

Wrap Your Troubles in 
Dreams * Star Dust * 
Brother, Can You Spare a 
Dime? * I Gotta Right to 
Sing the Blues * In a 
Shanty in Old Shanty 
Town * It's Only a Paper 
‚Moon * Smoke Gets in Your 
Eyes * Stormy Weather * 
Street of Dreams * Tempta- 
tion * Try a Little Tenderness 

T 


Who's Afraid of the Big Bad Wolf? * 
s * Anything Goes * Boulevard 
of Broken Dreams * I Get a Kick Out of 
You * I Only Have Eyes for You * You 
Oughta Be in Pictures * You're the Top * 
Blue Moon * Begin the Beguine * Check 
to Cheek * I'm in the Mood for Love * 
Just One of Those Things * Top Hat, 
White Tie and Tails 
T 
Let's Face the Music and Dance * The 
Music Goes "Round and Around * Pen- 
nies From Heaven * You Turned the Ta- 
bles on. Me * A Foggy Day * Harbor 
Lights * Tve Got My Love to Keep 
Me Warm 


fan magazines and gossip columnists 
played along. The public never learned 
that Loretta Young had Clark Gable's 
baby after co-starring in The Call of the 
Wild. Or that Marlene Dietrich was a 
switch-hitter. Or that Cary Grant and 
Randolph Scott shared a beach house 
until the studio objected. The dateline 
on stories about the industry no longer 
read Hollywood Babylon—it was Any- 
town, U.S.A. 


MAE W 


Into this nest of repression waltzed 
Mae West. She arrived in Hollywood in 
1932, a 39-year-old veteran of Broad- 
way, a woman in complete control of her 
public persona. West had already done 
what no Hollywood actor, actress, writer 


Lady Is a Tramp * Let's Call the 
Thing Off * Let's Have Another. 
igarette * The Moon Got in My Eyes * 
‘My Funny Valentine * Nice Work If You 
Can Get It * Once in Auhile * One 
O'Clock Jump * Somebody Else Is Tak- 
ing My Place * That Old Feeling * They 
All Laughed * Too Marvelous for Words 
* Where or When * With Pleniy of Mon- 
ey and You 
T 
You're Laughing at Me * 
A-Tishet A-Tasket * By Myself 
* Falling in Love With 
Love * Flat Foot Floogie * 
T Get Out of Town * Hooray 
for Hollywood * I Wanna 
Be in Winchell’s Column 
* ГЇЇ Be Seeing You * Pue 
Got a Pocketful of Dreams 
* Jeepers Creepers * My 
Heart Belongs to Daddy * 
Please Be Kind 
T 
Someday My Prince Will Come * 
Thanks for ihe Memory * This Can't Be 
Love * This Is My Night to Dream * 
Whistle While You Work * You Go to My 
Head * You Must Have Been a Beauti- 
ful Baby * All the Things You Are * Beer 
Barrel Polka. 


T 
Deep Purple * Don't Worry ‘Bout Me 
* I Didn't Know What Time It Was * I 
Get Along Without You Very Well * If 
1 Didn't Care * In the Mood * Moon- 
light Serenade * Stairway to the Stars 
* What's New * Wishing * Careless * If 
I Knew Then * You're a Sweet Little 
Heartache * Over the Rainbow 


or producer had done before. She had 
gone to jail for what she had to say about 
sex. West was arrested in 1927 during a 
crackdown ordered by Joseph McKee, 
acting mayor of New York City. West's 
raucous Sex had already played 375 per- 
formances on the Great White Way. West 
spent eight days in jail, then returned 
with an equally rowdy, even more suc- 
cessful play called Diamond Lil. 

While Paramount tried to figure out a 
way to get a script of Diamond Lil past the 
Hays Office, it gave West a small part in 
Night After Night, a George Rafi movie. 

Writing her own lines for what 
amounted to little more than a cameo 
appearance, she stole the picture. West's 
first scene is a classic moment with a 
hatcheck girl who exclaims: “Goodness, 
what beautiful diamonds.” To which 
West replies, “Goodness had nothing to 
do with it, dearie.” 

The exchange set the tone for West's 
characters in all the films that followed. 
She was constantly setting the world 
straight. 

The Hays Office might change the 
title of Diamond Lil (to She Done Him 
Wrong) and make the story incompre- 
hensible, but nothing could restrain 
Mae. She had her own view of men, 
telling a young woman who had fallen 
on hard times: "Men's all alike, married 
or single. It's their game. I happen to be 
smart enough to play it their way." 

"Who'd want me,” sobs the girl, “after 
what I've done?" 

Mae reassures her: "When women go 
wrong, men go right after them." 

In She Done Him Wrong, West, playing 
asinger in a saloon, pursues Cary Grant: 
“Why don't you come up sometime, see 
me? Come up, I'll tell your fortune." 
When Grant hesitates, she delivers the 
line that gets the laugh: “Aw, you can 
be had." 

One of West's sultriest moments came 
when she took the stage to sing A Guy 
What Takes His Time, a candid celebration 
of foreplay. Censors in New York, Ohio, 
Maryland, Massachusetts and Pennsylva- 
nia excised the song. The Hays Office, 
trying to salvage its reputation, cut the 
scene to an opening and closing verse, 
leaving a visible scar on the film. 

Paramount teamed West and Grant in 
a second film, I’m No Angel. Her slow 
shimmy during Sister Honky-Tonk, shot 
largely off or below camera, was as know- 
ing a sexual dance as was ever per- 
formed on film. 

The film is filled with classic one-lin- 
ers. After a lawyer in a breach of promi 
suit tries to establish her promiscuity, 
West purrs, “It’s not the men in your life. 
It's the life in your men." 

Representing herself, she cruises past 
the jury box with the aside, “How am I 
doing, hmm?" 

West played for the real jury—her au- 
dience. More than 46 million Americans 
saw the two films. She proved that sex 


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“Baby, you’re the key to my igni- 
tion." —CHARLOTTE GREENWOOD TO ED- 
DIE CANTOR IN Palmy Days, 1951 


“Aw, I wouldn't go for that dame if 
she was the last woman on earth— 
and І just got out of the Navy."— 
JAMES CAGNEY IN Taxi!, 1932 

"She only said no once, and then 
she didn't hear the question."— 
GEORGE E. STONE ABOUT GINGER ROGERS 


IN 42nd Street, 1933 


"Outside, Countess. As long as 
they've got sidewalks, you've got a 
jOb."—JOAN BLONDELL TO CLAIRE DODD 
IN Footlighi Parade, 1933 

“Do you know that she makes $45 a 
week and sends her mother a hun- 
dred of it?"—GINGER ROGERS IN 42nd 
Street, 1933 


"From now on you're the only man 
in the world my door is closed to."— 
NORMA SHEARER TO HUSBAND CHESTER 
MORRIS IN The Divorcée, 1930 

“Can you see through this 

"I'm afraid you can, dear." 

“TIL take it."—JEAN HARLOW TO A 
SHOFGIRL WHILE TRYING ON A DRESS IN 
Red Headed Woman, 1932 


“You're fighting for this woman's 
honor, which is probably more than 
she ever did."—GROUCHO MARX IN 
Duck Soup, 1933 


"Haven't you ever met a man that 
could make you happy?" 

"Sure, lots of times."—caRv GRANT 
AND MAE WEST IN She Done Him Wrong, 
1933 


“I was reading that machinery 
is going to take the place of every 
profession." 

"Oh, my dear, that's something you 
need never worry about." —EXCHANGE 
BETWEEN JEAN HARLOW AND MARIE 


DRESSLER IN Dinner at Eight, 1933 


“1 read you were shot five times in 
the tabloids.” 

“І not true. He didn't come any- 
where near my tabloids.” —MYRNA LOY 


AND WILLIAM POWELL IN The Thin Man, 
1934 

"A wedding is a funeral where you 
smell your own flowers."—EDDIE CAN- 
тов IN Kid Millions, 1934 

“Why didn't you take off all your 
clothes? You could have stopped 40 
cars.” —CLARK GABLE TO CLAUDETTE 
COLBERT ON HER HITCHHIKING TECH- 
NIQUE IN It Happened One Night, 1934 


"Love has got to stop someplace 
short of suicide.”— WALTER HUSTON TO 
WIFE RUTH CHATTERTON IN Dodsworth, 
1936 


“When I get back to my room, 
you're the only thing I want to find 
missing."—GINGER ROGERS TO ROON- 
MATE GAIL PATRICK IN Stage Door, 1937 

“Why didn't you starve first?”— 
HUMPHREY BOGART TO CLAIRE TREVOR 
ON DISCOVERING HIS FORMER GIRLFRIEND 
IS A PROSTITUTE, IN Dead End, 1937 


^I guess it was easier for her to 
change her name than for her whole 
family to change theirs." —iRENE 
DUNNE ABOUT JOYCE COMPTON IN The 
Awful Truth, 1937 

"If I hold you any closer, I'll be in 
back of you.” —GROUCHO MARX TO ES- 
THER MUIR IN A Day al the Races, 1937 


na 


“Do you think there's anything 
wrong with a guy that don't want a 
girl to kiss him all the time? Cynthia, 
oh, she'll let you kiss her whenever 
you want. She doesn't want to play 
tennis, go for walks. All she wants 
to do is kiss you. I'm a nervous 
Wreck. —MICKEY ROONEY TO LEWIS 
STONE IN Loue Finds Andy Hardy, 1938 


“I'm sicka hearing about men that 
do the little things. Give me a guy that 
does a big thing once like 
paying a month's rent." —MARY PHIL- 
LIPS IN Mannequin, 1938 

“Ninotchka, it's midnight. One half 
of Paris is making love to the other 
half." —MELYYN DOUGLAS ТО GRETA GAR- 
Bo IN Ninotchka, 1939 


“I know exactly how you feel, my 
dear. The morning after always docs 
look grim if you happen to be wear- 
ing last night's dress." —iNa CLAIRE TO 
GRETA GARBO IN Ninotchka, 1939 

“My mother told me never to enter 
any man's room in months ending in 
R."—IRENE DUNNE TO CHARLES BOYER IN 
Love Affair, 1939 

“Someday you'll realize that glam- 
our isn’t the only thing in the world. 
If your show’s a flop, you'll find you 
can't eat glamour for breakfast."— 
JUDY GARLAND, LOOKING AT A PHOTO OF 
MICKEY ROONEY, WHO HAS GIVEN THE 
LEAD TO ANOTHER WOMAN, IN Babes in 
Arms, 1939 


"Sir, you are no gentleman." 

"And you, miss, are no lady.”—ex 
CHANGE BETWEEN VIVIEN LEIGH AND 
CLARK GABLE ON THEIR FIRST MEETING IN 
Gone With the Wind, 1930 

"You should be kissed, and often, 
by someone who knows how."—cLARK 
GABLE TO VIVIEN LEIGH IN Gone With the 
Wind, 1959 


"Frankly, my dear, I don't give a 
damn."—CLARK GABLES LAST LINE TO 
VIVIEN LEIGH IN Gone With the Wind, 
1939 


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152 


HOW 


Below is a list of retailers and 
manufacturers you can contact 
for information on where to 
find this month's merchandise. 
To buy the apparel and equip- 
ment shown on pages 32, 
76-77, 80-85 and 183, check 
the listings below to find the 
stores nearest you. 


WIRED 

Page 32: “All Work—and 
Some Play”: Software from 
Sirius Publishing, 800-247- 
0307. “TV Hang-Ups": Flat panel televi- 
sion: Ву QFTK 415-286-0900 or from 
Hammacher Schlemmer, 800-543-3366. 
“Car Tunes”: Car stereos: By Pioneer Elec- 
tronics, BOO-PIONEER. By Blaupunkt, 800- 
950-BLAU. By Alpine Electronics of America, 
800-ALPINE-1. By Kenwood Electronics, 800- 
536-9663. “Wild Things": Universal 
remote control by Rotel, 800-370-3741. 
Camera from UN Production. 800-766- 
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РСНОМЕ-1. 


ТОВАССО ROAD 
Pages 76-77: Cigars: LeRoy Neiman Se- 
lection for Playboy by Don Diego, at Smok- 
er's Haven, Tucson, 602-747-8989; Tinder 
Box, Costa Mesa, CA, 714-540-8262; Jer- 
ri's Pipe Shop, Denver, 303-825-3522; 
ır Port, Westport, CT, 203-227-6800; 
Mike's Cigars, Bay Harbor, FL, 800-962- 
4427; Tinder Box, Atlanta, 404-231-98. 

Iwan Reis Tobacconist, Chicago, 800-621- 
1457; Kremer's Smoke Shop, Louisville, 
KY, 502-584-3332; Tinder Box, Metairie, 
LA, 504-242-2846; A. Fader & Sons, Bal- 
timore, 410-685-5511; L.J. Peretti Co., 
Boston, 617-482-0218; Fred Diebel Tobac- 
conist, Kansas City, MO, 816-931-2988; 
Holt Cigar Co., Philadelphia, 215-676- 
8778; Tobacco Lane #2, Fort Worth, 817- 
284-7251; Rowe-Manse Emporium, Clif 
ton, NJ, 201-472-8170; Mardi Gras 
Cigars, Las Vegas, 702-251-4920; De 
La Concha Tobacco, NYC, 212-757-3167; 
Curtis Draper, Washington, DC, 202-638- 
2555; Tobacco Barn, Falls Church, VA, 
703-536-5588; Route 37 West, Toms River, 
NJ. 980-914-1744; Maxim Smoke Shop, 
Syosset, NY, 516-921-4513; Smoker's 
Gallery, Fort Lauderdale, 954-561-0002; 
Straus Tobacconist, Cincinnati, 513-621- 
$388; Humidor #1, San Antonio, 210- 
824-1209; Smoker's Haven, Lubbock, TX, 
806-799-2489; Hiland Tobacco Loci 
Huntington Beach, CA, 714-897-1172; 
Beverly Hills Tobacco, 310-976-7358; 


TO 


B U Y 


Bennington Tobacconist, 
Boca Raton, FL, 561-: 
1372; Barclay Rex Pipe 
Shop, NYC, 212-962-3355; 
Famous Smoke Shop, NYC, 
212-221-1408; Arnold's To- 
bacco Shop, NYC, 212-697- 
1477; Jon's Pipe Shop, 
Clayton, MO, 314-721- 
1480. For Alfred Dunhill re- 
tailers call 800-860-8362; 
for Ј.К. Tobacco retailers 
call 800-572-4427; and fora 
complete list of authorized. 
retailers write Consolidated Cigar Corp., 
PO. Box 407166JR, Fort Lauderdale, FL. 
33340. Cigar flask from Baekgaard, Lid., 
800-323-5413. Pipe collection by Feterson. 
Collection, from Max Rohr Import, 800-24- 
SMOKE; Arnold's Tobacco Shop, NYC, 
212-697-1477; Barclay Rex, NYC, 212- 
962-3355; Cousin's Cigar Co., Cleveland, 
216-781-9390; Stag Tobacconist, Phoenix, 
602-265-2748; Tinder Box, Murray, UT. 
801-268-1321; Gus’ Smoke Shop, Sher- 
man Oaks, CA, 818-789-1401. Cigar Savor 
from Gigar Savor, 800-372-2069. Cigar 
cutter by Garman Jama LLC, from Club. 
Import, 800-916-3370. Cigar lighter from 
5.7. Dupont, 800-341-7003. Cigar ashtray 
from Pavillon Christofle, Chicago, 312- 
664-9700. Humidor by Elie Bleu and ci- 
gars by Diana Silvius 2000 from Up Down 
Tobacco Shop, Chicago, 800-5-UPDOWN. 


MISS JULY 

Accommodations provided by Radisson 
Resort Cable Beach, 242-327-6000 and Com- 
‚bass Point, 800-OUTPOST, Bahamas. Mom- 
basa Bed Canopies, 800-641-2345. Special 
thanks for locations to Stuart Cove Dive 
South Ocean Resort, 800-879-9832. 


PERFECT FIT 
Pages 80-81: Cuff links by Verdura, at Ver- 
dura, NYC, 212-265-3227. Page 82: Shoes 
by J.M. Weston, at J.M. Weston, NYC, 212- 
535-2100. Page 83: Shirt by Alexander S. 
Kabbaz/Joelle M. Kelly & Sons, at Alexander 
5. Kabbaz/Joelle M. Kelly & Sons, NYC, 
212-861-7700. Tie by Chavet, at Saks Fifth 
Avenue, NYC, 212-753-1000. Page 85: 
Suit, shirt, tie and pocket square by Alan 
Flusser, from Alan Flusser Custom at Saks 
Fifth Avenue, NYC, 212-888-7100. 


ON THE SCENE 

Page 183: "Get Organized": Organizers: 
By Rolodex Electronics and Franklin Electron- 
ics, 800-BOOKMAN, By Royal, 908-526- 
8200. By Casio, 800-vO-CAstO. 


CREDITS: PHOTOGRAPHY BY P. 7 PEGGY AUGUST, DAVID GOODMAN, GLENDA GUION, PAM MARIN. RON MESAROS (31, ROG. 


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sells, single-handedly bringing Para- 
mount back from the edge of bankrupt- 
cy. But, facing pressure from the Legion 
of Decency, Mae's carly films were re- 
moved from circulation. With the arrival 
of Joe Breen, cach successive film was 
subject to increased scrutiny. Reviewing 
the script for Klondike Annie, Breen ob- 


jected to the presence of a Bible in a 


scene with West. He ordered the book's 
title changed to Settlement Maxims. 

Controversy followed West to radio. 
She appeared on the Edgar Bergen and 
Charlie McCarthy show: 

MAE: "You're all wood and a yard 
long." 

CHAKLIE: “Yeah.” 

MAE: "You weren't so nervous and 
backward when you came up to see me 
at my apartment. In fact, you didn't 
need any encouragement to kiss me." 

CHARLIE: "Did I do that?" 

MAE: "Why, you certainly did. I got the 
marks to prove it. And splinters too." 

In June 1934 Congress created a Fed- 
eral Communications Commission to 
monitor the radio industry. Frank Mc- 
Ninch, newly appointed commissioner, 
claimed West's performance with Char- 
lie McCarthy justified government con- 
trol to ensure "against features that are 
suggestive, vulgar, immoral or of such 
character as may be offensive to the 
great mass of right thinking, clean- 
minded American citizens." 

The FCC would henceforth patrol in- 
decency on the air—and if a station 
didn't agree, it would lose its license. Af- 
ter her exchange with Charlie, the mere 
mention of Mae West's name was 
banned on 130 stations. 

Whatever else, Mae West proved the 
critics right. She confessed that the dan- 
ger lay not in what she said but in how 
she said it. Between the talkies and ra- 
dio, America had discovered bow to lis- 
ten for sexual innuendo. A single wom- 
an, narrating her own erotic script, 
inspired millions for the rest of the cen- 
tury. She was unafraid. She was funny. 
Newspapers celebrated her measure- 
ments (36-26-36) as a healthy return to. 
lush womanhood, not realizing that Mae 
wore the turn-of-the-century corset as a 
kind of defiant joke. 

When aviators donned an inflatable 
life vest in World War Two, they called it 
a Mae West. 


THE GOLDEN AGE OF CINEMA 
Breen and supporters of the Code 
claimed their efforts were responsible 
for the golden age of cinema. Even today 
proponents of censorship, rating sys- 
tems and family valucs point to thc films 
of the Thirties as proof that imposing 
controls over art can be beneficial. It's 
not that simple. Cutting a linc here, a 
scene there, could not diminish either 
the excellence of many ofthe films or the 
basic sex appeal of Hollywood stars. 
What the censors could not control 


was intangible, however. René Jordan, a 
biographer, simply notes that Clark Ga- 
ble had machismo: "There was a con- 
stant aura of sex about him, and the 
plots of his movies often suggested that a 
night with Gable was a very special expe- 
rience for the girl involved. The screen 
Gable insinuated he had a power to give 
orgasms, even to a generation of women 
who sull were not too sure whether they 
were supposed to have them." 

The Code could not repress attitude, 
beauty or pure animal magnetism. It 
could place its scal of approval on polite 
films and send the rest to the B circuit. 
Life as depicted in post-Code movies re- 
minds one of Henry James’ assessment 
of proper Americans at the turn of the 
century—all dressed up and with no- 
where to go. 


ECSTASY AND EXPLOITATION 


In 1933 Ecstasy, a distinctly non-Code 
foreign film, introduced an unknown 
teenage actress named Hedwig Kiesler 
to the world. The film presents the sexu- 
al awakening ofa young woman trapped 
in a love-starved marriage. She swims 
naked in a pond, then runs unclothed 
through the woods as her horse gallops 
off with her clothes. But the most naked 
moment of the film is the shot of her face 
as she experiences sexual fulfillment for 
the first time. 

In 1935 the Treasury Department 
confiscated the film. (Were they worried 
it was a counterfeit orgasm?) An appeals 
court judge upheld the ban, saying that 
the film was a “glorification of sexual 
intercours 

Damn right it was. 

The young actress married an Austri- 
an munitions maker who tried to buy 
and destroy all the prints of the film, but 
Ecstasy would make the rounds of “adults 
only" art houses for decades, playing at 
more than 400 theaters during the next 
20 years. Changing her name to Hedy 
Lamarr, the actress went to Hollywood 
and became a star. 

Just as Prohibition had produced a de- 
mand for bootleggers and speakcasies, 
the Code's film prohibitions created a 
market for low-budget exploitation 
films. A group of independents known 
as the Forty Thieves produced and dis- 
tributed features across the country on 
what was known as the grindhouse cir- 
cuit. Grindhouse films dealt with sub- 
jects forbidden by the Code, including 
sex, nudity, venereal disease, drugs and 
prostitution, and had titles like Fools of 
Desire, The Road to Ruin, Reefer Madness 
and The Cocaine Fiends. Theaters, trying 
to escape local censorship, advertised 
them as “adults only” films. The ads 
were a con—many of the Forty Thieves 
came out of carnival backgrounds and, 
like sideshow barkers, knew how to hawk 
their wares. 

The films they showed were tawdry lit- 
tle dramas—the natural descendants of 


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1913's Traffic in Souls (a film that showed 
the horrors of the supposed white slave 
trade). Americans could learn how co- 
caine led to prostitution in Girls of the 
Street—producing in women the mad de- 
sire to stand around in lingerie. The tit- 
illation was cloaked as cautionary moral 
tales: The Vice Rackets showed “Scarlet 
Girls Chained to the Vultures of Vice,” 
Mad Youth guided teenagers through the 
“Pitfalls of this Streamlined Age,” Secrets 
of a Model asked, “Can a beautiful model 
stay pure?” Films called Goona-Goonas 
showed naked natives in their natural 
habitats: Nonwhite races were allowed to 
display bare breasts and raw passion, the 
virtue of being pagan primitives. Even 
Hollywood had learned from National 
Geographic. 

The Forty Thieves took the sex hy- 
giene film Damaged Goods and repack- 
aged it as Forbidden Desires. The genre as- 
sociated sex with sleaze, sex with shame, 
sex with horrible consequence, sex with 
fear. Anthony Comstock could not have 
asked for more. 

Sex was relegated to specific locations 
in the city. In 1937 Fiorello La Guardia, 
the mayor of New York, closed the bur- 
lesque houses in Times Square. The the- 
aters became grindhouses, projecting 
sexploitation flicks where the Minsky 
brothers had once staged the best bawdy 
shows in town. 


STAG FILMS 


"The Depression did not deter the lone 
entrepreneur, his trunk filled with stag 
films, driving around the country to 
show A Stiff Game, Matinee Idol, Buried 
Treasure, Hycock's Dancing School, Mexican 
Dog and Unexpected Company to lodges, 
veterans' and fraternal organizations, at 
bachelor parties and smokers. Although 
forbidden by law, the films played to the 
community's most upstanding citizens, 
all male. That's why they were called 
stag films. The hard-core pornography: 
of the Thirties presented an unending 
line of traveling salesmen, icemen, re- 
pairmen, handymen, milkmen and gro- 
cery boys visiting lonely, frustrated wom- 
en in their homes. Even physicians made 
house calls to administer Dr. Hardon's 
Injections—though office visits to doc- 
tors and dentists led to the same end. 
In these male fantasies, every man had 
a job. 

Fellatio could be found in almost half 
the films, but barely one in ten showed 
cunnilingus. Lesbian action was com- 
monplace, but male homosexuality was 
virtually nonexistent. (Bestiality was ac- 
tually more common than male homo- 
sexuality.) The commercial stag film 
market reflected the predilections and 
prejudices of its all-male, middle-class, 
heterosexual audience. 

During the Thirties, New York City 
launched a major antiprostitution cru- 
sade. Polly Adler, girlfriend of gangsters 
and madam extraordinaire, was arrest- 


ed—not for running a house of prostitu- 
tion but for possessing stag films. Even 
brothels had become movie houses. Stag 
films were just another avenue of escape. 


SEX AT THE NEWSSTAND, 


The censors had cleaned up Holly- 
wood, but there was still plenty of titilla- 
tion to be found at the corner news- 
stand. Alongside the pulps, with their 
usual array of ladies in lingerie, a new 
kind of men’s magazine went on sale in 
the fall of 1933. 

Esquire featured articles on male fash- 
ion, fiction by Hemingway and F. Scott 
Fitzgerald, racy cartoons and the Petty 
Girl. George Petty created an airbrushed 
beauty who was soon famous. She was a 
sexually liberated lady who reflected the 
Sugar Daddy-Gold Digger mentality of 
the magazine. The Petty Girl was always 
talking on the telephone and was re- 
freshingly candid in her conversations, 
as reflected in this caption: “Western 
Union? Send me 2 boy—a big boy.” By 
the end of the decade she had graduated 
to gatefold status; Life magazine would 
call her the “feminine ideal of Ameri- 
can men.” 

Henry Luce launched Life in 1936, us- 
ing something he called photojournal- 
ism to open a window to the world. Life 
depicted the depth of the Depression as 
well as the high jinks of Café Society. 
“Life Goes to a Party" was one of its most 
popular features. 

Life reflected middle-class, main- 
stream sensibilities, but it wasn't above 
printing a provocative pictorial from 
time to time. It rana frivolous feature on 
"How a Wife Should Undress" in 1937, 
but it was a serious story on the film The 
Birth of a Baby the following year that 
gave Life its first censorship problems. 
"The issue was banned in more than 50 
localities, including Boston (of course), 
Brooklyn, Chicago, Memphis, New Or- 
leans, Savannah, Tucson, all of Pennsyl- 
vania and Canada. During the Depres- 
Sion, we didn't even want to know where 
babies came from. 


THE COMICS 


If the birth of a baby was a problem, 
that didn't mean there wasn't titillation 
to be found, even in the funny papers. 
There were enough buxom bcauties in 
the comics to satisfy the ycarnings of the 
most precocious adolescent: We had 
Burma and the Dragon Lady in Milton 
Caniff's Terry and the Pirates, plus Daisy 
Mae, Moonbeam McSwine and Stupe- 
fyin’ Jones in Al Capp's Lil Abner. And, 
of course, there was Alex Raymond's 
Flash Gerdon. What made Flash Gordon 
especially exciting, in addition to the 
wonderful adventures, was the fact that 
women didn't wear much clothing on 
Mongo. No wonder Ming the Merciless 
had the hots for Dale Arden. She was al- 
ways getting into some sort of trouble 
and having her clothes torn off. 


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The Depression had also sparked a 
phenomenon unprecedented in Ameri- 
can pop culture. Almost overnight, 
eight-page sexual parodies of comic 
strips appeared, depicting the secret 
lives of familiar friends. The same char- 
acters who made families laugh over the 
breakfast table ripped off their clothes 
and plunged into one another with reck- 
less abandon. Harold Teen and Lillums, 
Dagwood and Blondie, Moon Mullins, 
Maggie and Jiggs, Dick Tracy, Mickey 
Mouse—all were revealed as sexual crea- 
tures with preposterous appetites. Bet- 
ty Boop took on Barney Google, Jiggs, 
Popeye, Moon Mullins and Joe Palooka 
within one eight-page book. 

In the eight-pagers no one was too 
good for sex: Clark Gable did Joan 
Crawford, William Powell did Myrna 
Loy, Fred Astaire did Ginger Rogers and 
Mae West did everybody. In Europe 
porn lampooned the ruling class, priests 
and nuns. In America porn had fun with 
our own aristocracy: movie stars and 
outlaws such as John Dillinger and Al 
Capone. 

Also known as Tijuana bibles, ıhe 
eight-pagers depicted sex as the com- 
mon denominator, the great equalizer— 
ata time when people were anything but 
equal. The bibles appeared with the De- 
pression, then, inexplicably, began to 
disappear with the economic recovery of 
the following decade. 


THE ELECTRONIC FIRE 


Americans sat huddled around the ra- 
dio. FDR calmed the nation with fireside 
chats, eloquent appeals to basic values in 
a time of strife. People stayed at home to 
listen to Amos n’ Andy. (Only on radio 
could two white guys pass themselves off 
as enterprising Negroes.) The whole 
family gathered to listen to Jack Benny, 
Fred Allen, Fibber McGee and Molly, 
Major Bowes and His Original Amateur 
Hour, The Lux Radio Theater and One 
Man's Family. Children had Little Orphan 
Annie, Jack Armstrong the All-American Boy, 
The Lone Ranger and The Shadow. Women 
followed soap operas such as Oxydol’s 
Own Ma Perkins, Our Gal Sunday and 
Backstage Wife, with Mary Noble. Men lis- 
tened to sportscaster Bill Stern, Gang- 
busters and Arch Oboler's chilling Lights 
Out. The average family spent four and a 
half hours a day listening to thc radio. 
The glowing tubes brought comfort. In 
one sense, the radio re-created the par- 
lor and front porch of Victorian times. 

Bing Crosby was the most popular 
crooner of the decade. We listened to 
Eddie Cantor's Camel Caravan and Your 
Luchy Strike Hit Parade. And every night 
there were big band remotes from night- 
clubs, hotels and ballrooms across the 
country with Benny Goodman, Artie 
Shaw, Tommy Dorsey and Glenn Miller. 
Goodman was the "King of Swing," and 
swing was the thing. The Lindy Hop re- 
placed the Charleston, and those who 


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dug the jive and could cut a rug were 
called jitterbugs. 

Martin Bloch's Make Believe Ballroom 
played the most popular records of the 
day, but network censors wouldn't give 
Billie Holiday’s Strange Fruit airplay be- 
cause it was a powerful indictment of 
savage Southern lynchings. Radio of- 
fered a make-believe world that fostered 
innocence and isolationism. Too many 
Americans didn't want to know what was 
going on in the rest of the world. 

When Orson Welles broadcast War of 
the Worlds on the night before Halloween 
in 1938, thousands of Americans actual- 
ly believed we were being attacked by 
Martians and took to the streets in panic. 


ANDY HARDY HIGH 


Actually, America did have a new 
species of life to worry about—the 
teenager. Grace Palladino, author of 
Teenagers: An American History, notes that 
"up until the Thirties, most teenagers 
worked for a living on farms, in factories 
or at home, whatever their families re- 
quired at the time. They were not con- 
sidered teenagers then, or even adoles- 
cents. The Great Depression finally 
pushed teenage youth out of the work- 
place and into the classroom. By 1936, 
65 percent were high school students, 
the highest proportion to date." 

This would have an unusual impact 
on America: "When a teenage majority 
spent the better part of their day in high 
school, they learned to look to one an- 
other and not to adults for advice, infor- 
mation and approval. And when they 
got a glimpse of the freedom and social 
life that the high school crowd enjoyed. 
they revolutionized the concept of grow- 
ing up." 

Hollywood was the first to recognize 
teenagers. When a comedy about a small 
town judge and his family proved an un- 
expected success, Louis B. Mayer had 
one of the most successful film series in 
history on his hands. Andy Hardy came 
of age in 15 films. 

The story lines usually showed Judge 
Hardy dealing with the problems of the 
town of Carvel—telling a man that it was 
not a legal matter that he had been 
caught kissing in a parked car, it was 
more a matter of taste. Telling a woman 
that it was not her right to buy on install- 
ment if it meant that the store would 
garnishee her husband's wages. 

In "man-to-man" talks Lewis Stone 
would try to steer Mickey Rooney to- 
ward the proper choices. What makes 
you feel better, he'd ask, dating a girl 
who resists kissing or a girl who only 
wants to kiss? 

The films showed the evolution of sex- 
ual barter, the politics of popularity. 
Andy tries to raise $20 to buy a roadster 
in time for the Christmas dance. Such a 
car, he explains to Judy Garland, creates 
a standard, a pressure to perform. “The 


156 girl I take to the dance has got to be sen- 


sational.” Should she be able to dance? 
asks Garland. “Even if she dances like a 
horse," responds Andy, "it's an awful 
long ride home in the dark." 

In real life Mickey Rooney had a much 
more interesting sex life than did his on- 
screen persona. He had worked as a 
child actor before getting his big break 
playing the younger version of Clark 
Gable's gangster in Manhattan Melodra- 
ma. The highest-paid teenager in the 
land loved his celebrity. Phil Silvers, Sid- 
ney Miller, Jackie Cooper and Rooney 
used to hang out together. One day, Sil- 
vers suggested they call out for a hooker. 
Waiting for her arrival, the boys made a 
bet. Whoever lasted longest would get a 
free ride. 

The girl arrived and went into the 
bedroom. One afier another, Miller, Sil- 
vers and Cooper went in—and each 
emerged in three minutes flat. Rooney 
went in last. Twenty minutes passed; the 
three outside heard all sorts of assort- 
ed shrieks. Rooney finally emerged, ac- 
knowledged his victory and left. When 
the hooker came out, Silvers asked, “Was 
Mickey really in the saddle 20 minutes?” 

“Are you kidding? Four minutes of 
fucking and 16 minutes of i tions.” 

Rooney was famous for his imperson- 
ations of Gable, Lionel Barrymore, even 
Mae West—and like many another 
youth in America, he tried to entertain 
his bedmates with the best lines and 
moves of his Hollywood heroes. 

e 


What was life like in actual American 
high schools? Sociologists Robert and 
Helen Lynd returned to Muncie, Indi- 
ana to follow up their classic Middletown. 
The two reported: “A symptom of this 
pressure of a blank future on the very 
youngest marriageable group, children 
18 and under, is the rise in secret mar- 
riages among the high school popula- 
tion. This situation has doubtless been 
influenced by the growing restlessness of 
the younger generation and by the re- 
laxation of discipline and lessened con- 
tact with their children by harried work- 
ing-class parents. But it may also reflect 
in part the tendency of more reckless 
couples to plunge ahead in quest of the 
one thing two people can achieve togeth- 
er even in the face of a blind future— 
personal intimacy.” 

What the Lynds called secret marriage 
would later become known as “going 
steady.” Romance, not reality, gave per- 
mission for sexual experimentation. 

The Lynds noted that there was a 
sharp demarcation between Muncie's 
adolescents and its adults. The former 
displayed a “sense of sharp, free behav- 
ior between themselves (patterned on 
the movies).” 

The adult posture on the subject of 
sex was strict silence. 

“The truth of the matter,” reported 
the Lynds, “appears to be that God-fear- 


ing Middletown is afraid of sex as a force 
in its midst, afraid it might break loose 
and run wild.” 

A newspaper editorial raised the 
alarm that sex was rampant in the eighth 
grade. The writer recommended a quick 
application of old-fashioned values—the 
paddle. 

High schoolers asked teachers ques- 
tions they had never before been asked. 
“Our high school does nothing about 
sex education,” said one teacher, “be- 
cause we don't dare to.” When a local li- 
brarian was asked where people could 
learn about sex, her reply was, “Not 
here.” 


SEX EDUCATION 


Whereas a few decades earlier the sex 
manuals available to youth focused on 
the dangers of masturbation, Thirties 
manuals found a new source of self-de- 
struction: petting. 

In a twisted volume called So Youth 
May Know: New Viewpoints on Sex and 
Love, Roy Dickerson wrote a chapter on 
the value of abstinence oyer promiscuity: 
“At the very outset it must be said that it 
would be indeed ultrapuritanical and ill- 
advised to denounce altogether all the 
ordinary minor, more or less incidental 
and chiefly matter-of-fact physical con- 
tacts between the sexes.” 

Having said that, he can't resist ex- 
pressing the notion that sex is something 
so abhorrent, you should save it for 
someone you love. (Although how the 
act that was supposedly so corrupt could 
suddenly become the cement of a strong 
marriage was never explained.) 

These books enforced the double stan- 
dard and called into question a youth's 
right to act on his or her own desires: 
“The first woman a man thinks of for a 
petting party is not often the first one he 
thinks of for a wife. She may be all right 
for his good times, but ordinarily he 
does not want secondhand goods or a 
woman who has been freely pawed over 
for a sweetheart, wife and mother of his 
children.” The boy who thinks it is smart 
to mess around with girls, who, to be 
plainspoken, has intercourse first with 
one and then another girl, may very se- 
riously affect his thinking and feelings 
about girls. He may never become able 
to be genuinely and permanently inter- 
ested in any one girl. 

As for a girl being interested in you, 
beware: “If they go out with you, they go 
out with others and you are not safe.” 

Dickerson borrowed all the clichés of 
the antimasturbation books to douse 
youthful desire: Keep busy. Leave alco- 
hol strictly alone. Do not dally with your 
sex desires. Give up those pictures, 
books, plays, conversations or forms of 
dancing and the like that arouse you. 
Pray. Keep your bowels open. Dismiss 
unwelcome sexual thoughts. If you find 
yourself cursed with an erection, try 
brisk exercise. Shadowbox. Walk about 


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rapidly. Remember that kissing trans- 
mits syphilis. 

Dickerson had less to say to young 
women. Indeed, he neglected to include 
the clitoris in the diagram of the female 
sex organs that appears in the appendix, 
lest women discover for themselves that 
sex could be pleasurable. 


THE BATTLE OF THE SEXES 


When Robert and Helen Lynd re- 
turned to Indiana to study the effects of 
the Depression on Muncie, they found 
that people believed in strict sex roles. 
In the Twenties a new woman emerged, 
but no new man. Forget women’s libera- 
tion, forget the flapper. Experimentation 
was a fringe benefit of prosperity. Scarci- 
ty created an almost superstitious faith 
in “the old ways.” The people of Muncie 
believed “that men should behave like 
men, and women like women.” 

The Depression made that dream im- 
possible for millions of American men: A 
man who could not support his family 
had no claim to manhood. In contrast, 
the Depression did little to change gen- 
der roles for women, who were still ex- 
pected to care for the family at home. In 
fact, some cities passed laws that pre- 
vented married women from working. 

We were no longer certain what it 
meant to be a man. Who were the prop- 
er role models? The movies offered en- 
viable examples in the macho images 
of Clark Gable, Gary Cooper and Er- 
rol Flynn. James Cagney knew his way 
around a dame and made a great gang- 
ster, but even with Jean Harlow as incen- 
tive, crime was not considered a great ca- 
reer move. The women were as tough 
as the times required and, as one of the 
Gold Diggers of 1933 remarked, “had 
done things I wouldn’t want on my 
conscience.” 

‘The battle between the sexes made for 
great comedy in films such as One Hour 
With You, It Happened One Night. The Au- 
ful Truth and Bringing Up Baby. But the 
biggest box office star of the Thirties was 
Shirley Temple, and when Graham 
Greene referred to the “dimpled de- 
pravity” of her cozy relationships with 
the older men in her films, her studio 
sued for libel. 

The Depression precipitated new con- 
cerns over sexual identity and, in 1936, 
Lewis Terman (creator of the IQ test) 
and Catherine Miles developed a 456- 
item test that promised to determine a 
child’s masculine or feminine nature. 
Junior high school students answered 
word association tests: If “pure” made 
you think of milk, you were masculine; if 
it made you think of good, you were 
feminine. If “train” led to engine, you 
were manly; if it led to gown, you were 
womanly. If you selected lover or sin af- 
ter reading the word embrace, you were 
masculine; if you thought of your moth- 
er or arms, less so. Boys went from 
“knight” to armor or man, while the 


feminine went from “knight” to Ivanhoe. 
And, if you were masculine, the only 
correct association for “machine” was 
Ford—not engine, not ride and certainly 
not sew. 

In the Rorschach section of the test, 
men faced with two concentric circles 
were supposed to see a target, women a 
dish. That slinky thing, wider at one end 
than the other, was to the masculine eye 
a saxophone, to the feminine a snake. 

Masculinity could be measured by 
what you knew (“the Yale is a kind of 
lock") and things you did not know. One 
received points toward masculinity by 
neglecting to complete sentences such as 
“A loom is used for . . .” or “Daffodils are 
grown from . . .” or “The Madonna is a 
favorite subject for. . . .” 

Those who were measurably mascu- 
line wanted to become detectives, auto 
racers, forest rangers, soldiers, drafts- 
men and stock breeders. They did not 
want to become journalists, novelists or 
preachers. If you had to be a journalist, 
then you would like to write about acci- 
dents and sporting news, as opposed to 
musical events or theatrical news. Those 
with a feminine streak yearned to be- 
come librarians, nurses, private secre- 
taries, social workers and music teachers. 

The masculine were known by the 
books they had read and liked (Huckle- 
berry Finn, Gulliver's Travels, Biography of 
a Grizzly or The Adventures of Sherlock 
Holmes) as well as by the books they had 
not read. (You scored a manly point for 
not having an opinion about Rebecca of 
Sunnybrook Farm, Little Lord Fauntleroy, Pe- 
ter Pan or Through the Looking Glass) 

No masculine guy kept a diary. A true 
man disliked taking baths and did not 
believe there should be perfect equality 
between men and women in all things. 

Feminine types were inclined to be- 
lieve that “girls are naturally more inno- 
cent than boys.” Yet males, not females, 
believed that “love at first sight is usually 
the truest love.” 

To the modern eye it is clear that Ter- 
man and Miles had a bias the size of bi- 
ceps. And nowhere on the scale did a 
question reveal how a masculine or fem- 
inine character would behave in the bed- 
room. The test harked back to the days 
when masculine was synonymous with 
Christian gentleman (the kind of man 
who was an "athlete of continence") and 
when feminine was synonymous with 
virgin or mother, when all that was femi- 
nine was enshrined in the domestic 
world. 

Economic insecurities created new 
sexual anxieties. The liberal attitudes of 
the Twenties and early Thirties disap- 
peared. The nation was caught up in a 
panic over homosexuality. Boys who 
scored too highly on the feminine side of 
Terman’s scale were given healthy doses 
of exercise and outdoor activity. At least. 
one doctor in Georgia used electroshock 
therapy to treat those suspected of being 


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homosexual. 

Science offered a solution, finally 
identifying and describing the role of 
hormones in the development of sex dif- 
ferences. Fred Koch, a biologist at the 
University of Chicago, found that if he 
ground up bull testicles and injected 
capons with the extract, the birds grew 
an "upstanding red comb." Men started 
taking extracts of ram testicles and con- 
sidered animal gonad transplants in a 
vain effort to gain virility. 

One catches glimpses of what we now 
call sexual inadequacy and performance 
anxiety. Freud had introduced the idea 
of penis envy—declaring that women 
had it (because they didn't have one) and 
that explained everything. 

Edmund Wilson records an encounter 
between F. Scott Fitzgerald and Ernest 
Hemingway in which Fitzgerald won- 
dered if his penis was too small. Hem- 
ingway offered Fitzgerald this solace: It 
only seemed too small because he looked 
at it from above. "You have to look at it 
in a mirror," said Hemingway. 


THE PURSUIT OF SEXUAL HAPPINESS. 


People turned to sex as the one part of 
the world they could still control, that 
could still ensure happiness. It was the 
one green spot in a world of dust. The 
most popular sex manual of the day de- 
scribed simultaneous orgasm as the per- 
fect solution to the battle between the 


sexes. But there was a great gulf between 
theory and practice. 

In 1938 Terman moved from the 
study of sex differences—what it meant 
to be masculine and feminine—to the 
psychological factors of marital hap- 
piness. In a groundbreaking study, 
he delved into the intimate lives of 792 
couples. 

He found a dramatic trend away from 
virginity. Half of the men born before 
1890 had been virgins when they mar- 
ried, while only 14 percent of those born 
after 1910 had been virgins. A similar 
decline had occurred in the women: Of 
those born before 1890, 87 percent had 
been virgins when they married; ofthose 
born after 1910, less than a third were 
virgins. 

Terman was one of the first scientists 
to use his data to predict the future of 
ex: "If the drop should continue at the 
average rate shown,” he wrote, “virginity 
at marriage will be close to the vanishing 
point for males born after 1930 and for 
females born after 1940. It will be of no 
small interest to see how long the cultur- 
al ideal of virgin marriage will survive as 
a moral code after its observance has 
passed into history." 

He dismissed the notion that petting 
had any negative impact on future rela- 
tionships or that promiscuity put some- 
one at risk for marital unhappiness 

Terman looked at what happened 


during sex and seemed confused. A 
third of the women he studied were “in- 
adequate"—that is, they never or rarely 
reached orgasm. “The inability of a large 
proportion of women to achieve the cli- 
max that normally terminates sexual in- 
tercourse is one of the most puzzling 
mysteries in the psychology and physiol- 
ogy of sex.” 

Terman explored the many possible 
obstacles to pleasure. 

He found that wives who were mar- 
ried to men with strict religious upbring- 
ing were less likely to reach orgasm. He 
could not tell if too much religion 
cramped a man’s style, or if such men 
were drawn to the “inadequates.” 

He found that “inadequate” women 
avoided intercourse, most of them pre- 
ferring two or fewer copulations per 
month, while most “adequate” women 
preferred seven or more times. He won- 
dered if a man’s staying power con- 
tributed to pleasure, and concluded that 
if intercourse lasted less than seven min- 
utes it hurt a woman's chances of being 
orgasmic, but that lasting longer than 
15 minutes “would not reduce the pro- 
portion of inadequate wives by more 
than five or six percent.” 

Terman asked wives to express a like 
or dislike of certain professions and sub- 
jects. It was a quirky list, with targets that 
included stockbrokers, communists and 
people who work for the YMCA. 


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Terman found that inadequate wom- 
en were more inclined to express a lik- 
ing for YMCA types, while adequate 
women were more inclined to like musi- 
cians. Women who reached orgasm easi- 
ly had a peculiar dislike of pet canaries. 
Perhaps they knew that the caged bird 
doesn't sing. 

Considering the year in which they 
were asked, Terman posed incredib- 
ly personal questions. Husbands could 
check off a variety of complaints about 
their wives: vagina too large, vagina too 
small, vagina not moist enough, too ani- 
mal-like in her passion, likes to engage 
in unnatural practices. Wives could 
check off similar shortcomings: penis too 
large, penis too small, has difficulty in 
getüng an erection, has difficulty in 
keeping an erection, has ejaculations too 
quickly, has too little regard for my satis- 
faction, does not pet enough before be- 
ginning intercourse, likes to engage in 
unnatural practices. 

Women who reached orgasm were 
nearly twice as likely as those who did. 
not reach orgasm to have no complaints. 
The “inadequates” were more than 
three times as likely to have seven or 
more complaints. 

Terman found that we were taking 
more time with the sex act. Men born af- 
ter 1905 took 32 percent more time cop- 
ulating than men born before 1880. 
Clearly, we were looking for something 
in sex. 

Increasingly, personal happiness was 
to be found below the belt. 


DATING AND MATING 


A Peter Arno cartoon in The New York- 
er shows a collegiate couple carrying a 
car seat and reporting the theft of their 
automobile. 

Car sales declined dramatically during 
the Depression, but sex and the automo- 
bile were still linked in the minds of 
America. Police learned to patrol lovers’ 
lanes. Tourist cabins and motels sprang 
up to accommodate the practitioners of 
make-believe marriage: A sociologist 
who studied camps on the outskirts of. 
Dallas in 1936 found that "some 2000 
Dallas couples used the camps at week- 
ends. In one sample only seven out of 
109 Dallas couples gave correct names. 
Many remained only a few hours. Bona 
fide travelers were not too popular be- 
cause they stayed all night, thus decreas- 
ing the turnover." 

J. Edgar Hoover decried the "hot pil- 
low trade" of tourist camps and "the pas- 
sion pits" at newly invented drive-in 
movie theaters. 

. 


In Since Yesterday, Frederick Lewis Al- 
len wrote: “There was little sense of a 
change in the moral code being willfully 
made, little sense that stolen love was 
modern adventure. The dilemma was 
practical. One managed as best one 


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could, was continent or incontinent ac- 
cording to one’s individual need and 
one’s individual code, whether of morals 
or aesthetics or prudence or conve- 
nience. If the conventions were in abey- 
ance, it was simply because the times 
were out of joint and no longer made 
sense.” 

Willard Waller described the evolving 
social etiquette in a 1937 article for the 
American Sociological Review called “The 
Rating and Dating Complex.” Formal 
courtship, he noted, was a thing of the 
past. “The decay of this moral structure 
has made possible the emergence of 
thrill seeking and exploitative relation- 


ships. A thrill is merely a physiologi- 
cal stimulation and release of tension. 
Whether we approve or not, courtship 
practices today allow for a great deal of 
pure thrill seeking. Dancing, petting, 
necking, the automobile, the amusement 
park and a whole range of institutions 
and practices permit or facilitate thrill- 
seeking behavior.” 

Waller provides a glimpse of the val- 
ues formed in high school and college: 
“Young men are desirable dates accord- 
ing to their rating on the scale ofcampus 
values. In order to have class-A rating 
they must belong to one of the better fra- 


ternities, be prominent in activities, have 161 


PLAYBOY 


a copious supply of spending money, be 
well dressed, smooth in manners and ap- 
pearance, have a good line, dance well 
and have access to an automobile." 

Gone were any considerations of char- 
acter, or of a man's ability to provide se- 
curity in the future. Waller describes 
men who practiced a calculated seduc- 
tion: The line was a "conventional at- 
tempt on the part of the young man to 
convince the young woman that he has 
already at this early stage fallen seriously 
in love with her, a sort of exaggeration, 
sometimes a burlesque of coquetry." 

The mating dance was complicated. 
“It may be that each, by a pretense of 
great involvement, invites the other to 
rapid sentiment formation—each en- 
courages the other to fall in love by pre- 
tending that he has already done so.” 

Rapid sentiment formation? Is that a 
pistol in your pocket, or are you under- 
going rapid sentiment formation? Col- 
lege students read books such as Jack 
Hanley's Let's Make Mary: Being a Gentle- 
man's Guide to Scientific Seduction in Eight 
Easy Lessons. Beth Bailey, in From Front 
Porch to Back Seat, suggests that sex was 
not the ultimate goal of dating. Image 
making, the appearance of popularity, 
guided our social dance. The rating sys- 
tem ignored talent, looks, personality 
and importance in organizations if those 
attributes were not translatable into 
dates. “These dates,” writes Bailey, “had 
to be highly visible and with many differ- 
ent people.” 


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Women who chose to be faithful to a 
male friend at a different school (i.e., 
they did not play the dating game) were 
known as campus widows. On one cam- 
pus they wore yellow ribbons and met to 
read letters from faraway lovers. 

Everyone else played the game. 

In 1938 Dorothy Bromley and Flor- 
ence Britten published their study of 
1300 college students. Their findings 
rocked the nation. The June 6, 1938 is- 
sue of Life reported on the study. 

One girl out of four in college had had 
sexual relations. Of every two male un- 
dergraduates, one was a virgin and one 
was not. Boys began having sex in high 
school, while girls tended to wait until 
they were in college. In great contrast 
to their fathers, wrote Bromley, "three 
quarters of the men were willing to mar- 
ry nonvirgin girls—and this number in- 
cluded men who had not yet indulged in 
sex relations themselves.” 

Ifthe world was no longer divided be- 
tween women who did (fallen women 
and prostitutes) and women who didn't 
(wives or future wives), how did we de- 
scribe ourselves? Bromley created new 
subspecies of sexually active humans. 
Male virgins were divided into those who 
were continent because of "ideals and 
standards" and those who avoided sex 
because of "fears and inhibitions." Sexu- 
ally active males were “moderates” or 
“hotbloods”—the latter, the “crude, lusty 
young animals” popular on campus. 

Women received similar treatment. 


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Some 12 percent of college girls (who 
hadn't yet had sex) were “virginal”—ei- 
ther innocent or unawakened. Almost a 
quarter were "the wait for marriage" 
type, who were "awake but cautious." 
Some 37 percent were simply "inexpe- 
rienced"—the girl who had “not gone 
wrong yet, possibly because she was nev- 
er given a chance, but she believes extra- 
marital relations are all right." Among 
those who had sex were "the loving" (the 
11 percent who had had an affair with 
one man) and "the experimenter" (the 
nine percent who deliberately entered 
into sex relationships to see what they 
were like). "She pursues a trial and error 
course with different men as scientific 
subjects," reported Life. "She is intellec- 
tually serious, comes from a liberal 
home, expects to marry someday." 

And then there was “the sower of wild. 
cats" (3.5 percent), a girl who was down- 
right promiscuous. 

Bromley found a few men and women 
who had homosexual experiences. Life 
dismissed these with one sentence: "A 
small number of physiological and psy- 
chological misfits completed this study." 

Typical of the times, Life ran Brom- 
ley's findings as a box accompanying an 
article on a teenage couple who, finding 
the girl pregnant, made a suicide pact. 


The girl died, the boy didn't. 
MRS. GRUNDY'S DISEASE 


The silence that once surrounded 
syphilis disappeared by the late Thirties. 


BY BILL JOHNSON 


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In 1937 Anthony Turano complained in 
the American Mercury that decorum kept 
the Associated Press and the United 
Press from using the words syphilis, gon- 
orrhea or venereal disease in news dis- 
patches. Yet the same publications did 
“not hesitate to describe daily the ab- 
sorbent qualities of Kotex, the latest 
thing in hernia supports or the best nos- 
trum for hemorrhoids.” 

The National Broadcasting Co. had 
prevented a doctor from using the word 
syphilis on the air; the Columbia Broad- 
casting System refused to allow Dr. 
Thomas Parran, later surgeon general of 
the U.S., to discuss the topic. “The rea- 
son in both cases,” complained Turano, 
“was, of course, the indecency of men- 
tioning copulation to mixed audiences. 
Presumably a wave of sexual promiscu- 
ity would overtake the Republic ifit were 
generally known to persons of all ages 
that pathogenic germs may attack the 
genital region as well as other portions 
of the body, and that medical remedies 
are available in each case.” 

But magazines discussed the deadly 
details freely: Turano's article noted that 
683,000 cases of syphilis were under 
treatment, and that 423,000 new cases 
arose each year. Because most never 
received medical care, the total estimat- 
ed number of infected Americans was 
placed at 12 million. 

One enlightened company gave blood 
tests to 36,800 workers in 17 states, then 
referred infected workers to free clinics 
or family doctors. According to Turano, 
some physicians simply ignored the 
Wassermann results and issued “certifi- 
cates of good moral character, testifying 
that their patients were not the kind 
of persons who could have contracted 
such a reprehensible disease.” These 
doctors put the hypocritic oath before 
the Hippocratic. 

Fear of venereal disease was the most 
powerful weapon left for puritan Ameri- 
ca. In August 1937 Reader's Digest pub- 
lished The Case for Chastity by Margaret. 
Culkin Banning. The author, a mother 
of four, set for herself the task of answer: 
ing the challenge, “If there is a case for 
chastity, it should be stated.” 

After bemoaning the “parked and 
lightless cars on side roads everywhere,” 
the couples’ trade at tourist cabins, the 
hotels adjacent to colleges, Banning de- 
scribed the consequences of unchasti 
“The highest attack rate for syphilis 
curs during the early adult years, 16 to 
30. If venereal disease is ultimately 
stamped out, one risk of unchastity will 
be destroyed. But we are a long way 
from that yet. In the meantime there is a 
serious and constant danger of disease in 
premarital relations.” 

But the crusader for chastity was not 
done. Banning attacked the prevailing 
methods of birth control: 25 percent of 


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condoms, she wrote, were imperfect. 
The strongest douche successful on- 
ly ten percent of the time: "Figures show 
beyond a doubt that a tremendous num- 
ber of unmarricd young women go to 
abortionists. No doubt many of them. 
have heard the current claptrap about 
an abortion being nothing at all to en- 
dure. Let them also hear this: Ten thou- 
sand girls and women lose their lives 
each year at the hands of abortionists.” 
The editors at Reader's Digest did not 
print Banning's estimated number of 
abortions (700,000), but they did note 
her claim that there were 50,000 births 
each year to unwed mothers. No one 
kept track of these numbers. As a moral 
argument against sex, illegitimate chil- 
dren stayed at the edge of the debate 
during the Thirties. The numbers, 
though shocking, were small enough to 
be handled discreetly. Instead, Banning 
worked the fear angle. The Reader's Di- 
Gest article cited one Dr. Frederick Taus- 
sig: “Also, for every woman who dies as a 
result of abortion, several women are 
disabled, sometimes permanently, or 
rendered sterile or, at a subsequent 
pregnancy, suffer from the aftereffects of 
the abortion.” 
Unchastity kills. 


‘THE CRUSADE AGAINST VD 


An article in Ladies’ Home Journal pro- 
claimed: “In a citywide referendum of 
Chicago's 3.5 million people, 92 out of 
100 persons voted to stamp out syphilis. 
In a nationwide poll by the American In- 
stitute of Public Opinion, 87 people out 
of 100 voted likewise.” 

America was willing to tackle the prob- 
lem of venereal disease. Most Americans 
wanted to reduce the wages of sin or 
abolish them altogether. Some states 
passed laws requiring blood tests for a 
marriage license. Newspapers in Chica- 
go published the names of couples who 
went out of state to avoid the test. 

In 1936 Surgeon General Parran 
wrote an article for Reader's Digest enti- 
tled Why Don't We Stamp Out Syphilis? A 
year later, he co-authored another arti- 
cle for Ladies’ Home Journal entitled We 
Can End This Sorrow. 

“We might virtually stamp out this dis- 
ease,” Dr. Parran admonished, “were 
we not hampered by the widespread be- 
lief that nice people don't talk about 
that nice people don't have 
syphilis, and that nice people shouldn't. 
do anything about those who do have 


‘The science existed to beat the dis- 
ease. A complete cure required some 60 
weekly visits to a doctor or clinic for 
painful injections of arsenicals and heavy 
metals. Most patients, unfortunately, 
stopped treatment after symptoms dis- 
appeared. And many doctors simply cut 
off treatment for patients unable to pay. 

Parran called for doctors to take ac- 


164 tion, to overcome their own moral leth- 


argy, not only to suspect that patients 
might harbor the microbe but to seek 
out the disease with treatment. Not ev- 
eryone in government shared the sur- 
geon general's view. 

On May 17, 1937 J. Edgar Hoover or- 
dered agents to raid ten vice dens in Bal- 
timore. On August 30, 1937 he personal- 
ly led more than 100 agents in vice raids 
in Atlantic City, Wilmington and Phila- 
delphia. The New York Times noted that 
the G-men moved “by synchronized 
watches," meaning agents entered 16 
disorderly houses precisely at midnight 
to arrest 137 prostitutes, their maids, 
proprietors and a few men. 

Hoover and The New York Times billed 
the raids as a blow against the white slave 
trade. But a follow-up story a few days 
later told a more chilling tale. Hoover 
arrested two physicians who had period- 
ically examined and treated the " 
mates of the raided disorderly houses. 
They were accused of "withholding 
knowledge of a felony." They had know- 
ingly aided in the white slave traffic. 
Hoover's message was clear: Try to stop 
VD at its source and you will go to jail. 


J. EDGAR. SEX COP 


In early 1932 almost no one had 
heard of the Bureau of Investigation, let 
alone its director. The federal police 
force. which numbered only 326 in 
1932, was responsible for enforcing fed- 
eral laws on interstate commerce, an- 
titrust and vice—especially in the form 
of enforcing the Mann Act and policing 
the distribution and sale of obscene 
literature. 

Hoover instructed agents to send ob- 
scene and improper material to Wash- 
ington, where they became a permanent 
part of the Obscene File. The FBI collec- 
tion included stag movies, photographs, 
books, pamphlets, freehand drawings, 
explicit cartoons and playing cards. Like 
Comstock before him, Hoover invoked 
innocent youth to demonize "purveyors 
of obscene materials" who "disseminate 
their products among schoolchildren 
and adults with perverted minds." He 
told field agents that he wanted to see 
such material "regardless of the source 
from which they are obtained. Even 
though no federal violation exists, any 
material of this nature made available by 
local police agencies should be transmit- 
ted to the bureau in order to increase 
the effectiveness of the Obscene File." 

Athan Theoharis, author of J. Edgar 
Hoover, Sex and Crime, reports that when 
an inventory of the Obscene File was 
conducted in 1966, it was found to con- 
tain more than 13,000 films, magazines 
and the like. 

Hoover's concern with policing the 
virtue of the nation surfaced in several 
ways. He personally reviewed every hint 
of impropriety: If someone were a sus- 
pected Communist, that information 
went into the official file. If someone had 


been accused of immorality, that infor- 
mation went into Hoover's private OF 
ficial and Confidential File. Hiding 
the Obscene File and the private files 
kept Hoover's obsession hidden from 
Congress. 

In 1933 an article in Collier’s magazine 
ridiculed Hoover, claiming that he was 
an “immature” gumshoe out for publici- 
ty. “In appearance, Mr. Hoover looks ut- 
terly unlike the storybook sleuth. He 
dresses fastidiously, with Eleanor blue as 
the favored color for the matched shades 
of tie, handkerchief and socks. He is 
short, fat, businesslike and walks with a 
mincing step." 

In 1933 Hoover, 38, was unmarried 
and still living with his mother. The alle- 
gation he was less than manly prompted 
him to take action. Rumors that Hoover 
was gay would follow him to his grave. 
To be fair, Hoover would probably have 
taken equal offense at false reports link- 
ing him with a woman. He did not date, 
period. The FBI was his mistress. 

When gangsters killed an FBI agent in 
a shoot-out in Kansas City, Missouri, 
Hooyer launched a counteroffensive. He 
filled the department with hired guns 
and went after John Dillinger. Agents 
surrounded the bank robber in Little 
Bohemia (a resort in Wisconsin) but 
botched the operation, shooting three 
innocent bystanders, killing one. Work- 
ing through an Indiana policeman, the 
FBI cut a deal with Mrs. Anna Sage, the 
madam of a local Chicago brothel, who 
faced deportation. She would finger 
Dillinger in return for help with immi- 
gration authorities. 

The "lady in red" accompanied Dillin- 
ger and his girlfriend to a Chicago 
screening of Manhattan Melodrama, star- 
ring Clark Gable and William Powell. 
When they emerged from the theater, 
agents gunned down the gangster. 

Dillinger was still the better man. He 
was a local hero and a ladies’ man, and 
urban legend had it that he was uncom- 
monly well endowed and that his organ 
was on display at the Smithsonian. The 
real souvenir was a death mask of the 
outlaw kept by Hoover in his outer office 
at the FBI building. 

When the press scoffed that Hoover 
had never made an arrest, he showed up 
for the carefully orchestrated arrest of 
Alvin Karpis in New Orleans. 

The gun battles and headlines divert- 
ed criticism of Hoover's role as chief of 
the sex police, for he was responsible for 
enforcing the Mann Act. Originally in- 
tended to control the largely imaginary 
interstate traffic in white slaves, the law 
had become the pet sex law of puritans, 
a law that was used to punish any sexual 
escapade that crossed state lines. Hooyer 
wrote that noncommercial violations of 
the Mann Act were prosecuted only un- 
der “aggravated circumstances.” 

According to David Langum, author 
of the definitive history of the Mann Act, 


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AN 


TIME CAPSULE 


Raw Data From The Thirties 


Я 


FIRST APPEARANCES 

Airline stewardesses. Grant Wood's 
American Gothic. The New Deal. NRA. 
WPA. CCC. AAA. TVA. Family Circle. 
Life. Esquire. The Petty Girl. The Em- 
pire State Building. King Kong. The 
pinball machine. Beer in cans. Alka- 
Seltzer. Electric razors. Zippo light- 
ers. Monopoly. Comic books 
Blondie. Dick Tracy. Li'l Abner. Flash 
Gordon. Superman. Batman. Drive- 
in movie theaters. Bra cup sizes 
"Tampons. Blood tests for marriage li- 
censes. Dr. Seuss. Sam Spade. Tropic 
of Cancer. Gone With the Wind. Gallup 
Poll. Parking meters. Sving music 
The Jitterbug. 


WHO'S HOT 

Franklin Delano Roosevelt. Will 
Rogers. Clark Gable. Jean Harlow. 
Mae West. The Marx Brothers. Bus- 


by Berkeley. Bing Crosby. Amos "n 
Andy. John Dillinger. J. Edgar Hoo- 
ver. Walter Winchell. Joe Louis. Jim- 


my Cagney. Fred Astaire and Ginger 
Rogers. Shirley Temple. Mickey 
Rooney. Sally Rand. Benny Good- 
man. Artie Shaw. Duke Ellington. 
The Duke and Duchess of Windsor. 
Adolf Hitler. 


STRANGE FRUIT 

Number of lynchings of Southern 
blacks between 1889 and 1940: 3800. 
Percentage of lynching victims ac- 
cused of attempted rape from 1889 
to 1929: 16.7. Percentage actually 
convicted of rape: 6.7. 


BIRTH OF A NATION 
Population of the U.S. in 1930: 123 
million. Population in 1940: 132 mil- 
lion. For every person entering the 
U.S., number of people who return 
to old country: 3. 


MONEY MATTERS 

Gross national product in 1930: 
$90.4 billion. GNP in 1940: $99.7 bil- 
lion. Price of a share of U.S. Steel be- 
fore the Crash: $2617; in November 
1929: $150. Price in 1932: $21. 
Price of a share of General Electric 
before the Crash: $396/; in Novem- 
ber 1929: $168+, Price in 1932: $34. 


Year the stock market would return 
to its 1929 level: 1954. Drop in wages 
between 1929 and 1932: 60 percent. 


MOVIE MADNESS 

Percentage of films that dealt with 
crime, sex or love in 1920: 82. In 
1930: 72. Weekly movie attendance 
in 1930: 90 million. In 1931: 60 mil- 
lion. In 1936: 88 million. Box office 
earnings in 1930: $730 million. In 
1932: $527 million. Of 16,000 the- 
aters, number that closed by the end 


of 1933: 5000. Number of scripts re- 
viewed by the Production Code Ad- 
ministration in 1937: 2584. Number 
of films screened: 1489. Number of 
official opinions delivered: 6477. 


MARRIAGE 

Number of colleges offering a 
course in marriage in 1926: 1. In 
1936: more than 200. Name of zool- 
ogy professor appointed to coordi- 
nate marriage courses at Indiana 
University in the late Thirties: Alfred 
Kinscy. 
Average age of marriage for men 
in 1930: 24.3. For women: 21.3. Av- 
erage age of marriage for men in 
1939: 26.7. For women: 23.3. 

Of 792 married couples inter- 
viewed by psychologist Lewis Ter- 
man, number who slept in the same 


bed: 596. Number who slept in sepa- 
rate beds: 130. Number who slept in 
separate bedrooms: 51. Of the 792 
couples, number of wives who had 
ever wished they were men: 242. 
Number of husbands who had ever 
wished they were women: 90. 


BANNED IN BOSTON 
Books that had finally been admit- 
ted by U.S. Customs by 1933: Aris- 
tophanes’ Lysistrata, Daniel Defoe's 
Moll Flanders, James Joyce's Ulysses. 
Book published in 1934 but banned 
in U.S. until 1964: Henry Miller's 
Tropic of Cancer. Books banned in 
Boston: Boccaccio's Decameron, Hem- 
ingway's The Sun Also Rises, Cald- 
well's God's Litile Acre. Banned in 
Detroit: Casanova's Mémoires, Hem- 

ingway's To Have and Have Nol. 


MANN ACT 
Number of Mann Act convictions 
in 1930: 516. Average jail sentence in 
months: 14. Number of Mann Act 
convictions in 1939: 524. Average 
sentence in months: 37.9. 


RADIO WAVES 
Percentage of American homes 
that had a radio in 1929: 33. Percent- 
age in 1934: 60; by 193! 
ber of hours per day of lis 
1937: 44. Number of soap operas in 
1931: 3. Number in 1939: 61. 


NEWSSTAND MORALITY 

Among storics in popular maga- 
zines circa 1900, percentage of plots 
that condoned the hero or heroine's 
extramarital sex relations: 3. Per- 
centage of plots in the movies and 
magazines that condoned extramari- 
tal sex relations in 1932: 45. 


FINAL APPEARANCES 
1930: Judge Joseph Crater. 
homas Edison. 
: Florenz Ziegfeld. 
Roscoe "Fatty" Arbuckle. 


1939: Havelock Ellis. 
1939: Sigmund Freud. 


Hoover used the law selectively to pun- 
ish gangsters, black men who dared to 
travel with white girlfriends, the politi- 
cally obnoxious and undifferentiated 
riffraff (con men, brothel owners and the 
like). Even if there was no prosecution, 
Hoover used investigations to fill his ad- 
ministrative files. 

After Hoover's widely publicized vice 
raids in the late Thirties, one journalist. 
challenged the FBI, saying the Mann Act. 
was an excuse for government to collect 
dirt and control politics through black- 
mail. Under Hoover, the average num- 
ber of Mann Act prosecutions reached 
400 cases annually. The average sen- 
tence rose from a little longer than a 
year in 1930 to 38 months in 1939. 


"THE MANN ACT, THIRTIES STYLE 


“The soul of Cotton Mather marches 
on. Under the famous Mann Act, the en- 
forcement of the Seventh Command- 
ment is still the special business of the 
national constabulary and the wages of 
sexual sin are fixed at five yearsin prison 
and a $5000 fine—a penalty consider- 
ably higher than is usually paid for bank 
robbery or manslaughter." 

"Thus did Anthony Turano character- 
ize the Mann Act in the American Mer- 
cury. Noting that state laws already pro- 
vided adequate penalties for rape or 
consensual sex with a minor, he attacked 
the Feds for using the Mann Actto police 


the “voluntary indiscretions of mature 
citizens.” 

“When a biological accord has already 
been reached between man and maid,” 
wrote Turano, “a moving vehicle is more 
of a nuisance than a provocation, and 
their purpose in traveling is seldom 
more wicked than the wish to be else- 
where. The ludicrous result is that for 
the first time in the history of law and 
morals, adultery is treated as a geo- 
graphical offense: There is no crime un- 
less the gentle passion combines with 
wanderlust." 

In a 1930 case a man named C.W. 
Aplin lived with a 22-year-old woman for 
four months, then moved with her from 
Salem, Oregon to Las Vegas. As Turano 
noted, “No sane person would repeat a 
state peccadillo in order to elevate it into 
a federal felony,” but Aplin was sent to 
jail for two and a half years because a ju- 
ry thought the move was evidence of 
“debauchery.” 

“It is difficult to see,” wrote Turano, 
“what salutary social end is served by 
making the national government a smut- 
seeking referee in the private sins of the 
citizenry." 

Author David Langum grants that, 
under Hoover, most noncommercial 
Mann Act cases involved aggravated—if 
not ludicrous—circumstances: "In Unit- 
ed States vs. Grace (1934) a bishop of the 
House of Prayer for All People engaged 


in sex with a female member of his flock, 
sometimes at the unusual location of the 
floor of his chauffeured automobile 
while motoring through New Jersey. 
Whether or not this ministration was 
good for her soul is problematic, but it 
did result in her pregnancy. In King vs. 
United States (1932) a traveling salesman, 
so the prosecutor alleged, convinced a 
naive young woman of 18 that she had a 
disease which if left uncured would re- 
sult in ber inability to have children. He 
took her out in the country in the 
evening, crossing over a state line, to 
demonstrate the ‘electrode’ that would 
cure her. Whether he succeeded in alle- 
viating a nonexistent disease is unclear, 
but he did succeed in seducing the 
young woman, giving her gonorrhea.” 

Critics pointed out that the Mann Act 
was hopelessly biased: A woman who 
transported a married man across state 
lines, doing the “devil's work" at ev- 
ery stop, could not be prosecuted. The 
courts would believe that a female wit- 
ness had been “mesmerized”—and 
therefore was not responsible for repeat- 
edly violating the Mann Act on a cross- 
country train trip. 


WHO CONTROLS REPRODUCTION? 


In 1931 Francis Packard wrote the 
1266 page book History of Medicine in the 
U.S.A. The words "birth control" appear 
nowhere in the text. Five years later, Dr. 


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167 


PLAYBOY 


Norman Himes tried to correct the over- 
sight with the Medical History of Contra- 
ception. He found the desire to control 
fertility in virtually every culture and 
age. Only the methods had changed. 

By 1936 condom sales in the U.S. ap- 
proached $317 million annually. The 15 
chief manufacturers produced 1.5 mil- 
lion condoms a day. The desire to limit 
fertility was as enormous as the methods 
were inefficient. 

Dr. Hannah Stone studied 1987 case 
histories from the Newark Maternal 
Health Center and found that 956 pa- 
tients (48 percent) reported using con- 
doms, 1267 (64 percent) had relied on 
coitus interruptus and 507 had used 
Lysol as a douche. 

None of the methods of controlling 
birth seemed particularly effective: 45 
percent of those who used condoms 
found themselves facing parenthood, al- 
most 60 percent of those who relied 
on withdrawal became pregnant and 
douching failed 71 percent of the time. 

In his journal, Edmund Wilson de- 
scribed the postcoital moment, some 
version of which occurred across Ameri- 
ca every night. His wife felt, "I ought to 
have engraved on my tombstone: зоор 
BETTER GO IN AND FIX YOURSELF UP." 

At other times, he said, "she used to 
ask me why I didn't wear a condom so 
that she wouldn't be put to the trouble of 
going to take a douche." 

Personal squabbles over birth control 
were nothing compared with global de- 
bates. In 1930 the Anglican bishops had 
granted recognition of birth control. 
Pope Pius XI retaliated with Casti Connu- 
bii, an encyclical forbidding any artificial 
regulation of fertility: “Any use whatso- 
ever of matrimony exercised in such a 
way that the [sex] act is deliberately frus- 
trated in its natural power to generate 
life is an offense against the law of God 
and of nature, and those who indulge in 
such are branded with the guilt of a 
grave sin.” 

The Pope sentenced Catholics to “Vat- 
ican roulette.” By 1933 two researchers 
had looked at the birth dates of military 
families and had been able to pinpoint 
the moment of conception. (Luckily, for 
most families, it coincided with leave 
dates.) From that data, the researchers 
determined that a woman ovulated ap- 
proximately two weeks before her peri- 
od. Lab tests had discovered that an un- 
fertilized egg died after 36 hours. By 
avoiding certain days of the month, cou- 
ples could prevent conception. Dr. Leo 
Latz recommended that couples abstain 
for a week around the middle of each 
monthly cycle, and taught women how 
to chart their “rhythm calendars.” 

By 1930 there were more than 225 
birth control clinics in the U.S. Some 
were associated with hospitals, and most 
were run by followers of Margaret Sang- 
er. Birth control was not yet a medical 


168 discipline: Only 13 of the top 75 medical 


schools in the country bothered to teach 
contraception as a regular part of the 
curriculum, 

Sanger smuggled diaphragms into the 
country. Both state and federal law had 
prohibited doctors from talking about 
contraceptives. For years, Sanger had 
tried to get the laws rewritten to allow 
doctors to prescribe and fit diaphragms. 
Her crusade met fierce resistance. Fa- 
ther Charles Coughlin used his national 
radio show to spread his message: “We 
know that contraceptives are bootlegged 
in corner drugstores surrounding our 
high schools. Why are they around the 
high schools? To teach them to fornicate 
and not get caught. All this bill means is 
how to fornicate and not get caught.” 

Father Wendell Corey of Notre Dame 
was more hateful: “Continue the prac- 
tice [of birth conuol],” he said, “and the 
sons of the yellow man or the black will 
someday fill the president's chair in 
Washington." 

The terms of the argument were 
mired in hatc. Something had to give. In 
1933 lawyer Morris Ernst, the same man 
who had defended Ulysses, contacted Dr. 
Hannah Stone. She placed an order for 
120 pessarics from Japan. After Customs 
officials seized the shipment, Ernst took 
them to court. The United States vs. One 
Package of Japanese Pessaries was a brilliant 
victory. Ernst put doctors on the stand 
and solicited a list of cases in which a 
pregnancy could threaten a woman's 
life. Contraceptives thus served a med- 
ical need 

Then Ernst invoked the Depression: 
"How about a case where the mother has 
four or five children and the husband 
has been out of work or has a $6 or $8 
income? Would the health of the family 
be imperiled if there were another child, 
and if that is so, because of lack of food, 
nutrition, decent home, decent housing, 
would there not be such cases where the 
health of the family would be benefited 
by such a prescription?” 

The judge ruled that Gongress and 
Customs had no place coming between a 
doctor and his patients. The decision 
withstood an appeal. 

In March 1938 Ladies’ Home Journal 
published the results of a survey: 79 per- 
cent of American women favored birth 
control. (The figures by religion: Of 
Protestant women, 84 percent favored 
birth control; of Catholics, 51 percent.) 
More than three quarters of those sup- 
porting birth control cited family in- 
come, the notion that parents should not 
have morc children than they can prop- 
erly care for, as the moral justification for 
birth control. 

It should be noted that the papal en- 
cyclical against artificial means of birth 
control included condemnation of abor- 
tion. The main objection to birth control 
was that people who practiced family 
limitation with unreliable methods in- 
evitably became pregnant. Then they re- 


sorted to abortion, which the church 
viewed as the taking of innocent life. The 
most zealous priests even insisted that 
the embryonic remains of miscarriage 
should be baptized so that the souls 
could go to heaven. 

Although millions of women had abor- 
tions, abortionists were still held in con- 
tempt as racketeers who corrupted cor- 
oners and medical examiners to cover 
botched illegal operations. Headlines 
claimed that abortion was a $100 mil- 
lion-a-year business. Time followed the 
case of a West Coast abortarium that had 
been closed by officials. 

In the entire decade abortion stayed 
underground. A few brave doctors be- 
gan to defend the practice, arguing that 
abortion should bc legalized to take it 
out of the hands of "unskilled quacks." 
Dr. William Robinson wrote The Law 
Against Abortion, in which he argued that 
“the law has not done away with abor- 
tions—about two million of them are 
performed in the U.S. annually—but it 
has driven them into dark places." 

Dr. Robinson contended that abor- 
tion could preserve the health of the 
mother, including her mental health. It 
was an argument that would not prevail 


until another 40 years had passed. 


EUGENICS 


The most important issue of the 
decade would be who controlled repro- 
duction. It was an issue that would even- 
tually be settled by war. Eugenics—the 
theory of improving racial stock—had 
swept America. According to Garland 
Allen, a professor of biology at Washing- 
ton University in St. Louis, by 1928 
there were 376 college courses devoted 
to teaching Americans the dark side of 
birth control. By selecting proper par- 
ents, nations could breed traits such as 
leadership, humor, generosity, sympa- 
thy, loyalty, genius. By denying repro- 
ductive rights to “defectives,” one could 
eliminate hereditary blindness, deafness 
and epilepsy, as well as "alcoholism, pau- 
perism, prostitution, rebelliousness, 
criminality and fecblemindedness.” 

Leading eugenicists claimed that “so- 
cial behaviors of not only individual fam- 
ily members but also whole nations were 
genetically fixed at birth." The Irish 
were suspicious. Jewish people displayed 
a genetic trait of “obtrusiveness.” 

In America, the theory was used to 
limit immigration. Immigrants were 
considered to be the dregs of humanity. 
In the depth of the Depression, it was 
argucd that the social cost of caring for 
defectives placed a huge burden on an 
already taxed economy. (One much 
quoted study said that if the government 
had sterilized one woman—deemed de- 
fective in 1790—it would have saved an 
estimated $2 million in care for her de- 
scendants by the Twenties. For want of a 
$150 operation, went the argument, mil- 
lions were lost.) 


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In America 30 states enacted compul- 
sory sterilization laws for those consid- 
ered likely to give birth to socially defec- 
tive children. Between 1907 and 1941 
more than 60,000 forced sterilizations 
were performed in the U.S. 

Nazi Germany borrowed American 
expertise to draft its own sterilization 
law. Between 1933 and 1937, Nazis ster- 
ilized 400,000 wards of the state, most 
involuntarily. The government decided 
who was valuable and who was valueless. 

Carrying the cost-benefit analysis to its 
darkest extreme, the German state de- 
cided that euthanasia was cheaper than 
sterilization. State-controlled sexuality 
led to the Holocaust. Hitler had con- 
vinced Germans that the state held the 
ultimate solution—that Germany could 
achieve racial superiority and begin a 
1000-ycar Reich. Today, Germany, he 
declared. Tomorrow, the World. 


THE WORLD OF TOMORROW 


The 1939 New York World’s Fair of- 
fered a vision of the World of Tomorrow. 
Fairgoers saw exhibits presenting tech- 
nology’s answers for a better world. Mu- 
rals celebrated hydroelectric power, the 
great dams and power lines built during 
the Depression. A car company that had 
survived the Crash showed streamlined 
models in “Futurama.” A boy seeing a 
television broadcast for the first time 
would say he preferred radio because 
the pictures were better. 

The fair had a whole section designat- 
ed the “Amusement Area,” for which 
surrealist Salvador Dali created the 
Dream of Venus concession. Inside four 
diving tanks “living girls, nude to the 
waist,” played with giant rubber tele- 
phones and swam past melting watches. 

Another exhibitor presented living 
magazine covers, where topless women 
posed for a Romantic Life Magazine dated 
1949. We were smart enough to realize 
that no matter what the future held, sex 
would play a part in it. 

A local minister complained about the 
“menace to morals” posed by the Amuse- 
ment Area, and officials issued a “Man- 
datory Bras and Net Coverings” order. 
Mayor La Guardia, invoking a little-used 
power of office, held court outside the 
fair, sentencing three men who had tried 
to hold a Miss Nude of 1939 beauty 
pageant in the Cuban Village. 

The fair held the promise that nations 
could work together to solve their prob- 
lems. Harper's would note: “In a world 
swept by terror and hysteria, 60 nations 
have participated in the fair." One na- 
tion—Germany—was notably absent. 

War had broken out in Europe. Soon, 
women would find themselves working 
in factories, fulfilling the suffragettes’ 
dream of equality and liberation. And 
men, fighting to save the world, would 
become men again. 


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faccoak (continued from page 129) 


“This entire experience has been a renaissance for me 
in every way. I no longer feel those restrictions.” 


the mystery of a woman, the way she 
holds something back, the way she sits, is 
more interesting and in fact more arous- 
ing than something blatant. I proved it 
because it ended up being one of the 
best-selling issues ever. 

“But I still hadn't done everything I 
wanted to do. I needed some closure. 
The body painting was still on my mind 
T had taken a film crew to document the 
original shooting on St. Barts because I 
knew it would be a life-altering experi- 
ence. And when PLAYBOY contacted me 
about incorporating that footage in a 
film, which turned out to be Farrah Faw- 
ceti: All of Me, we talked about filming me 
sculpting and body painting. That was 
the reason I decided I would appear 
nude. You don't feel quite so nude wear- 
ing paint, but it's still not easy doing a 
shoot without your clothes. You're still 
naked and everyone else is dressed. 

“This entire experience has been a 
renaissance for me in every way. I no 
longer feel those restrictions emotional- 
ly, artistically, creatively or in my every- 


day life. 1 don't feel those borders any- 
more. There is pain with any growth, 
with any rebirth, but the result is pro- 
foundly fulfilling. 

"It was a struggle and it was very hard 
work both emotionally and physically. 
But it was the least self-conscious I've 
ever been in front of a camera. And I've 
been looked at my whole life, but the act. 
of painting made the camera disappear. 
1 forgot it was there. It was amazing. 1 
was totally nude and there were 75 peo- 
ple standing around, and I forgot they 
were there. I've never liked having any- 
one watch me create art, because it can 
be inhibiting, but I just blocked them 
out. I couldn't stop when the director 
yelled ‘Cut.’ I was totally into it." 

Somehow, judging from these pictures 
and the film of Farrah painting, one 
tends to believe her. She is genuinely in- 
to it. It’s not acting. That rapt quality 
makes her presence exponentially more 
erotic than a woman consciously doing, 
something overtly sexual. 

"Learning to work like that without 


really thinking about it was a gift. 1 real- 
ized that I tend to overanalyze when I 
paint or sculpt. This time I followed my 
instincts completely. Even though I let in 
those demons of fear, once I got started. 
it was automatic. Sometimes it looks 
erotically primitive, a little like Quest for 
Fire, but Y think the results are pure.” 

Maybe Farrah has finally learned to 
paint the way she acts. Her most recent 
director is Robert Duvall, who co-stars 
with her in The Apostle, an independent 
film to be released later this year. He 
considers Farrah to be a truly great ac- 
tress because she doesn't act. Meaning 
that she doesn't premeditate, she doesn't 
analyze, she just does it. Duvall isn't the 
only fan of Fawcett's acting. Word of 
mouth on the picture is great. 

“1 had never met Robert Duvall,” says 
Farrah, "but when he was doing publici- 
ty for Wrestling Hemingway, he gave an. 
interview in which he said, TIL tell you, 
one of the most underrated actresses 
is Farrah Fawcett. Watching Farrah act 
is like eating caviar.’ Then a couple of 
years ago he contacted my agent about 
this project. He sent me the script and 
said I could do either of the two main 
women's roles. 

*When we met he asked me about spe- 
cific moments in my acting, whether I 
had planned something or if it had just 
happened. He doesn't like acting that's 
visible, when you can see the machinery. 
1 couldn't remember what Га done, but 
1 knew that he was talking about being 
spontaneous, in the moment. 

“The first day we just did our scenes. I 
realized you have to be careful about. 
what you wish for—you might get it. Be- 
cause he hardly gave me any direction 
and all of a sudden 1 felt I didn't know 
what to do. So the second day I said, 
"Bobby, I just wanted to say that if there's 
anything you want to tell me, because I 
really don't think I've found my charac- 
ter, just tell me.' He just looked at me 
and, after a long pause, said, ‘Oh, I think 
you found her." 

"Sometimes after a take he would just 
look at me and say, 'God, you are good!" 
I guess it was because I'm slightly unpre- 
dictable. 1 don't consciously plan every- 
thing I'm going to do." 

Farrah may not know what she’s going 
to do until she does it, but she knows 
what she'd like to do. She would like to 
get back into her studio and create more 
art. She hasn't worked on her sculpture 
for two years. Then again, it's being a 
brilliant actress that brings home the ba- 
con. It's being in the moment in front of 
a camera that enables her to act auto- 
matically and instinctively, and it looks 
like that's the direction her art will be 
taking. Farrah Fawcett is a creature of in- 
stinct. Instinct comes from inside. Talent 
too. And they say that’s where beauty 
comes from as well. 


ANTHONY EDWARDS 


(continued from page 62) 
sexy pharmaceuticals sales rep wanted 
Greene to endorse Rogaine. 

EDWARDS: Who says I'm not using it? I 
might be. 

PLAYBOY: If so, the company might not 
want the endorsement. 

EDWARDS: I guess 1 have a reverse sort of 
vanity. My vanity is not doing anything 
about losing my hair. Cool enough with 
myself not to care. I'm sure that losing 
hair has cost me some work. But I 
haven't exactly been hurting for work, 
have I? And now there's a new, extra- 
weird development. I get compliments. 
People say, "Isn't it cool how Anthony 
Edwards doesn't worry about his hair?" 
PLAYBOY: We've always wondered about 
ER blood. It looks too real to be ketchup. 
EDWARDS: It's stage makeup. It's sticky- 
swect like imitation maple syrup. And it 
tastes minty. 

PLAYBOY: The show's creator, Michael 
Crichton, author of Jurassic Park and 
other boffo stuff, attended Harvard Med- 
ical School. How does he see ER? 
EDWARDS: In conversations I've had with 
him he has seemed happy with the show. 
He thought doctors had gotten a bad 
name as golf-playing, moncy-grubbing 
rich guys. The truth is, doctors coming 
out of med school live miserable lives. 
They make less money than garbage- 
men. That was the idea ER began with. 
And we surprised him. He told me it's 
rare when something he creates gets 
deeper and better than it was at the start. 
Most of the movies of his books have dis- 
appointed him, but we surprised him. 
PLAYBOY: What else do you like on TV? 
EDWARDS: The X-Files. And Larry Sanders. 
I'd love to be on with Larry, but they 
haven't asked me. 

PLAYBOY: Were you a TV kid? 

EDWARDS: No, my parents were antitele- 
vision. We weren't allowed to watch TV 
at night. My memories are of afternoon 
reruns: The Brady Bunch, The Partridge 
Family and The Wild Wild West. 

PLAYBOY: Movie heroes? 

EDWARDS: Peter O’Toole. To be so out- 
landishly committed to a performance— 
that was something I dreamed of. And 
Gene Kelly, I worshiped him. In high 
school I was dying to be a song-and- 
dance man. It's still my secret fantasy. 
PLAYBOY: What was your problem with 
girls back then? 

EDWARDS: I didn't want to objectify and 
power-trip over them. Although, like 
Jimmy Carter said, I feel that desire. 
Maybe it’s sexist to say so, but 1 think 
men are genetically driven to dominate. 
I'll tell you something about women, 
too. Women are strong. I saw my wife 
give birth. And I would be more terrified 
by an army of women than by an army 
of men. The women would be united, 
strong. We'd be fighting among our- 
selves over the wrong things, like who 


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PLAYBOY: You're a feminist. 

EDWARDS: After a lot of dating I figured 
something out. Most of my relationships 
were controlling. They were about fixing 
the other person. The trouble with that 
is, once you achieve control and fix the 
other person—once you solve her prob- 
lems—she resents you. That might be 
the usual sort of marriage for people in 
their 20s, neurotically compatible. One 
of them controls and fixes the other, who 
resents it, and they end up splitting or 
shooting each other. 

PLAYBOY: What saved you? 

EDWARDS: My wife. 

PLAYBOY: You met Jeanine Lobell on loca- 
tion for Pet Semalary II, in which you 
played a veterinarian bitten by zombie 
pets. She was a makeup artist. Did you 
fall in love on location? 

EDWARDS: The timing of our meeting, 
her friendship, her unbelievable ability 
to make me laugh—it was clear to me 
somehow that this was the person I was 
going to be with and have a family with. 
Maybe I was ready. I'd wanted to be 30 
since I was 22. And now I wasn't pursu- 
ing someone to fit into what / wanted. 
The feeling that we were going to be to- 
gether hit so hard it was undeniable. 
PLAYBOY: And now? 

EDWARDS: For one thing, she's audience. 
She'll corner John Wells [ER's executive 
producer] when we go to dinner and tell 
him what should happen on the show. 
Like a lot of viewers, she enjoys being 
swept up in the story. As a viewer Jean- 
ine wanted Lewis to stay, even though 
she's great friends with Sherry String- 
field and wants her to go on and have a 
happy life. 

It's not that my wife thinks the show is 
real. It's just fun to follow the stories. We 
provide diversionary fun, and I don't 
think the audience takes us nearly as se- 
riously as network executives think. Peo- 
ple in our business might be a little too 
much like Hershey executives in Her- 
shey, Pennsylvania, who think the world 
revolves around chocolate. 

PLAYBOY: Does your wife critique your 
acting? 

EDWARDS: She wants me to ham it up. 
*Maybe you didr't get the fucking Em- 
my last year because you didn't ham 
it up enough," she says. But I'm not 
sure that I know how. Even if I could 
I wouldn't want to give one of those 
movie-star performances. 

PLAYBOY: Meaning what? 

EDWARDS: Meaning . . . acting alone. The 
way I work is to feed off other people, to 
act and react with other actors. I can't do 
that big-movie-star-alone-with-the-cam- 
era thing. Can't do it as an actor or ap- 
preciate it as an audience. 

PLAYBOY: Stardom as fascism. You're a bit 
of a hippie, aren't you? 

EDWARDS: I am very liberal. I'm against 
the death penalty. I am for socialized 
health care. I want gun control. The fact 


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that we tolerate millions of handguns on 
cur streets is a childish joke. People 
blame drugs and anything else they can 
think of, but irs OK for us all to happily. 
carry handguns. That's horseshit. Show 
me one city police force that doesn't 
want gun control. 

PLAYBOY: Why do Hollywood types 
champion so many liberal causes? 
EDWARDS: Charlton Heston, Arnold 
Schwarzenegger and Kevin Costner 
don't. Anyway, I think the way we use 
definitions in this country is destructive. 
It’s divisive. We should try to agree on 
some things. We need more of some- 
thing I call the Wink. 

Now, I work for Warner Bros. and 
NBC, two huge corporations. Along with 
everyone else on ER, I help create sto- 
ries so the moneymen can sell advertis- 
ing time. We all wink back and forth as if 
to say, "We'll do our artistic thing and 
you can sell it. Just don't get in our way." 
They wink back and say, "Tell your sto- 
ries. We'll play along as long as it sells." 
And that's how things get done. 
PLAYBOY: You're not co-opting your art? 
Would any true hippie wink and shake 
hands with Warner Bros.? 

EDWARDS: Um still a hippie. If being 
a hippie means caring about other peo- 
ple as much as you care about yourself, 
sign me up. Fucking a, let's bring that 
spirit back. 

PLAYBOY: Tell us about your surfing. 
EDWARDS: Growing up in Santa Barbara I 
surfed and sailed. I loved the beach. One 
of our family traditions was walking the 
beach on Christmas Day. 

I used to bodysurf when I was a kid. 
Sometimes at night. There was a kind of 
plankton that was phosphorescent; it 
made the water glow this pale blue color, 
a faint electric blue. And if you peed in 
the water it got even better. It made the 
blue really bright. Asa kid you cannot be 
more empowered than to see your pee 
turn the ocean bright colors. 

I was never a great surfer. 1 don't do 
big waves—maybe up to eight or ten 
feet. But on something head-high 1 kind 
of know what I'm doing. Surfing is a lit- 
tle like acting: It’s persistence. You keep 
trying and finally one day a light goes 
on. You understand a little more and 
maybe surf a little better. Then there's 
the pure experience. There's something 
private and beautiful about being in the 
water at dawn when it's glassy. There's a 
big wave coming in and a school of dol- 
phins outsi "That's a good moment. 
PLAYBOY: You said that it was like acting. 
EDWARDS: Part of surfing is letting go, 
freeing up your instincts to simply react. 
to the wave. That's one of the things we 
try to create in acting. And I've discov- 
ered, in surfing and acting, that you 
don't remember it when it’s good. If you 
don't remember it afterward, you proba- 
bly did a good job because you were 
there when it happened. 

PLAYBOY: How does fatherhood suit you? 


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You and Jeanine have a three-year-old 
son, Bailey, and a new daughter, Esme. 
EDWARDS: Bailey and I dance all the time. 
I hold him and we spin until he's dizzy. I 
barbecue a lot. I'm proud of my salmon 
marinade with mustzrd, garlic and gin- 
ger. I think I'd be a good housewife. 
PLAYBOY: Were you in the delivery room 
when Bailey was born? 

EDWARDS: Absolutely. We went through 
the dasses to prepare, but they don't re- 
ally prepare you. I was in awe. It was like 
pulling up to the Grand Canyon. I basi- 
cally just held my wife's hand as she gave 
birth. I almost thought, Goddamn, why 
can't I be more a part of this? А man can 
be jealous of that pure bond between 
mother and child. It's something you 
can never quite match. But 1 wasn't 
thinking of that when my wife was giving 
birth. That's the time you learn what fo- 
cus really means. The world goes away 
until its over and even then you're 
standing there in wonder, looking 
around, thinking how amazing it is that 
we were all born. 

PLAYBOY: How has Bailey surprised you? 
EDWARDS: Things are clear-cut when 
you’re two or three. I noticed this when 
Bailey had a cold and we went to the 
doctor. He knew immediately that this 
wasn't playtime on daddy's set at work. 
He always wears my stethoscope on the 
set, but this was different. This was real. 
It occurred to me that he knew all this in 
an instinctual, almost animalistic way be- 
cause he doesn't process things the way I 
do. For him everything boils down to 
one thing: Is he safe or not safe? 
PLAYBOY: Does he know you're a TV star? 
EDWARDS: He knows daddy is on TV. 
"Those other people on TV with daddy 
are our friends. Bailey loves Big Noah, 
Noah Wyle. And he loved seeing posters 


for One Fine Day because he thought 
Michelle Pfeiffer was Sherry. To him that 
movie poster was a scene from our show: 
cousin Sherry and goofy George. 
PLAYBOY: What about daddy's star status? 
EDWARDS: When Bailey sees a balding 
guy on TV he says, "There's Daddy!" 
PLAYBOY: Has he had any celeb perks of 
his own? 

EDWARDS: Bailey thinks it's cool that dad- 
dy works with Batman. He got to go to 
the Batman set with me. But he was 
scared when Batman suddenly became 
three-dimensional and came right up to 
him. I was holding him when George 
came over to us; 1 felt Bailey tighten up. 
The message was, “Daddy, I like this, but 
don't let go of me.” He was relieved 
when George took the armor off. Of 
course it takes three men to take that 
outfit off. 

George gave Bailey a Batman doll. 
Bailey didn't really process that. He was 
still a little worried; he knew he didn't 
want to touch that scary armor. But he 
loved seeing goofy George. When he 
woke up the next morning the first thing. 
he said was, "Where's my Batman?" 
PLAYBOY: Has ER helped you as a parent? 
EDWARDS: I think it did when Bailey dis- 
located his elbow. He was just walking 
down the stairs and it popped out. It’s a 
common condition. 

PLAYBOY: What's the term for it? 
EDWARDS: Nursemaid's elbow. It hap- 
pens to one out of eight kids. Anyway, we 
took him to the local ER. There were 
dozens of people waiting, but they took 
one look at me and we had a doctor in 
about 24 seconds. Some actors get good 
seats in restaurants; I get great emer- 
gency care. 


"Thank you. You looked lovely too." 


george lucas 

(continued from page 120) 
autographed picture of Elvis in his bed- 
room), photography and drag racing. 

Weighing only 100 pounds as a teen- 
ager, Lucas loved the thrill of drag rac- 
ing for its freedom. To the horror of his 
parents, he hung out with a rough 
crowd: He greased his hair, cruised for 
girls and listened to rock and roll. "The 
only way to keep from getting the shit 
kicked out of you was to hang out with 
some really tough guys who happened 
to be your friends," he recalls. (Lucas 
used his teen experiences for American 
Graffiti, his most personal film.) 

Cruising, Lucas told biographer Dale 
Pollock, is more than a quaint adolescent 
experience. "It's a significant event in 
the maturation of American youth," he 
said. "It's a rite of passage, a mating ritu- 
al. I's so American: the cars, the ma- 
chines, the cruising for girls and the 
whole society that develops around it." 

Cruising also introduced Lucas to 
sex—a subject that is almost totally 
avoided in Star Wars. (Lucas ordered 
Carrie Fisher's breasts be taped, leading 
Fisher to remark, "No breasts bounce in 
space, there's no jiggling in the Em- 
pire.") Painfully shy, Lucas welcomed. 
the anonymity of cars. *Nobody knew 
who I was,” he recalled. "I'd say, “Hi, I'm 
George,’ but after that night I'd never 
see the girls again." 

Lucas’ life changed when he was 18 
and a senior at Thomas Downey High 
School. Speeding home in his Fiat Bian- 
china, a fast Italian import, Lucas made 
an illegal left turn onto a dirt road near 
his home and smashed into a Chevy Im- 
pala that was barreling toward him. The 
Fiat was hurled sideways, flipped over 
four or five times and wrapped around a 
walnut tree. Lucas was thrown out the 
open roof. Had his seat belt not snapped 
at its base, he would have likely died. 

His near-fatal experience—he lin- 
gered close to death for several days with 
serious internal injuries—changed Lu- 
cas. He spent three months in and out of 
the hospital. "I realized that I'd been liv. 
ing my life so close to the edge for so 
long," he said years later. “That’s when I 
decided to go straight, to become a bet- 
ter student, to try to do something with 
myself." The accident, Lucas added, 
gave him a sense of his own mortality. 

“I began to trust my instincts,” he told 
Pollock. “I had the feeling I should go to 
college, and I did. I had the same feeling 
later that I should go to film school, even 
though everyone thought I was nuts. I 
had the same feeling when I decided to 
make Síar Wars, when even my friends 
told me I was crazy. These are just things 
that had to be done, and I felt as if I had 
to do them." 

Lucas enrolled at Modesto Junior Col- 
lege, where he became fascinated with 
cinematography and experimented with 


an cight-millimeter camera owned by a 
friend. While racing sports cars—a hob- 
by that continued even after the acci- 
dent—Lucas also met cinematographer 
Haskell Wexler, who took a liking to this 
short, skinny kid who seemed obsessed 
with camera techniques. Lucas applied 
to the prestigious film school at the Uni- 
versity of Southern California in Los An- 
geles and —to George's and his father's 
amazement—got in. ^I fought him; I 
didn't want him to go into that damn 
movie business," his father recalled years 
later. Meanwhile, Wexler had phoned 
friends at the school: "For God's sake, 
keep an eye on the kid," he'd told them. 

USC was a milestone for Lucas. "Sud- 
denly my life was film—every waking 
hour,” he says. He had found his call- 
ing. He especially loved editing—partly 
because, he said later, it offered a way 
to manipulate the perceptions of audi- 
ences. He concentrated on making ab- 
stract science fiction films and mock doc- 
umentaries, which impressed Francis 
Coppola, who saw one of Lucas’ student 
films and invited him to sit in on the 
shooting of Finian's Rainbow. Later, Lu- 
cas directed a short documentary about 
Coppola's film The Rain People. 

Coppola persuaded Warner Bros. to 
sign his protégé to a contract and make a 
film based on one of Lucas' science fic- 
tion student movies. The full-length fea- 
ture, THX-1138, a bleak futuristic tale, 
was released in 1971 to modest reviews. 
It was a box office flop. (The film also 
contains the only erotic sequences in Lu- 
cas’ oeuvre, including a nude striptease 
by a buxom black woman.) 

But studio executives were impressed 
with Lucas' obvious talent. He turned his 
attention to American Graffiti, partly be- 
cause he wanted to dispel the notion that 
he was a skilled but mechanical filmmak- 
er devoid of humor and feeling. 

In the meantime, Lucas had met Mar- 
cia Griffin, a film editor. She was the first 
woman he dated seriously. "My relation- 
ships with women were not complex," 
he said. “Until I met Marcia, it was a very 
animalistic attraction." (Or, as Pollock 
put it, *His relationships usually lasted 
for a few dates and a couple of sessions 
in bed and then petered out.") Lucas 
and Griffin wed on February 22, 1969, 
in a Methodist church near Monterey. 

Even before completing American Graf- 
fiti, Lucas wanted to make a science fic- 
tion film, splashed with drama and com- 
edy, that would break the mold of the 
cheesy futuristic films churned out by 
the studios. Lucas sensed that audiences 
yearned for an empowering and bold 
adventure in the face of all the sexually 
charged and violent realism produced 
by studios in the late Sixties and early 
Seventies. 

“I was very interested in creating a 
modern myth to replace the Western,” 
he said recently. "I realized that it had to 
be somewhere outside people's realm of 


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awareness. That is where Westerns were. 
Greek mythology, or mythology from 
any country, often takes place in an un- 
known area believable to the audience. 
The only area we now have that is like 
that is outer space. So ] decided outer 
space was a good idea.” 

After researching fairy tales, mytholo- 
gy. movie serials and social psychology. 
Lucas began writing Star Wars, a bizarre. 
saga (no one in Hollywood, including 
Lucas' agents and lawyers, understood 
the concept) about intergalactic war, 
chirping robots, a rebel princess fleeing 
from an evil sovereign and an intrepid 
hero named Luke Skyvalker who pits 
himself against a dark, menacing force. 

“A lot of stuff in there is very person- 
al," he said years after Star Wars was re- 
leased. “There's more of me in Star Wars 
than I care to admit. Knowing that the 
film was made for a young audience, I 
was trying to say, in a simple way, that 
there is a God and that there is both 
a good side and a bad side. You have 
a choice between them, but the world 
works better if you're on the good side. 
(It's no coincidence that Lucas chose 
Mark Hamill, who is about his height, to 
play the last of the Jedi knights, or that 
he named the character Luke.) 

As for the recent success of Star Wars, 
Lucas says, “IFit were just an adrenaline- 
rush movie, it wouldn't be here 20 years 
later. There are other things going on 
that are complicated and psychologically 
satisfying. It's like sex and love. Sex is a 
rush for a short period of time, and then 
it goes away. An adrenaline movie is 
more like having sex. But if people are 
still interested in and fond of your movie 
20 years later, it was either the best sex 
they ever had, or it's romantic love, 
which means there is more to it than just 
the adrenaline rush." 

° 


Lucas’ profits from the Star Wars trilo- 
gy enabled him to purchase the thou- 
sands of acres in Marin County. He built. 
a seemingly utopian community (Lucas 
calls it his "psychological experiment") 
where everyone speaks in whispers, 
wears jeans and immerses themselves in 
some of the world's most advanced film 
postproduction facilities, where films are 
edited, special effects added and other 
enhancements made. "It's my biggest 
movie. I've always been a frustrated ar- 
chitect," says Lucas, who has lavished at 
least $75 million on the set of Victorian 
buildings that makes up the ranch. 

Of course, beneath the laid-back style 
of Skywalker Ranch—and Lucas spent a 
ton of money, for example, just planting 
about 2000 mature trees to encourage 
the foxes and pheasants in the rolling 
hills of Marin County—there's an ag- 
gressive and expanding multibillion-dol- 
lar business controlled by the filmmaker: 
Lucasfilm Ltd., Lucas Digital Ltd. and 
Lucas Arts Entertainment Co. 


"The guiding principle is that the 
company can sustain itself without hav- 
ing to make movies," confesses Lucas. "I 
don't want to have to make movies. Your 
bottom-line assumption has to be that 
every movie loses money. They don't, of 
course, but you go on that assumption 
Its like baseball. You don't always get 
into the World Series, but you keep 
playing." 

The Eighties and early Nineties were 
difficult for Lucas. Marcia, who shared 
an Academy Award for editing Star Wars, 
left him for an artist who worked on the 
ranch. The 1983 divorce devastated Lu- 
cas (the settlement reportedly cost him 
$50 million). He had a relationship with 
Linda Ronstadt, but that broke up. His 
associates don't know—or aren't saying— 
anything about his personal life now. 

Lucas is raising three adopted chil- 
dren on his own. His older daughter, 
Amanda, 16, was adopted while George 
was still married. Lucas also has an 
eight-year-old daughter, Katie, and a 
four-year-old son, Jett. In recent ycars, 
he has spoken of the children a bit more 
freely, although Lucas guards his own— 
and his family's privacy intensely. 

Lucas has produced some disappoint- 
ing films, including Howard the Duck, 
Willow and, more recently, Radioland 
Murders. His TV show, The Young Indiana 
Jones Chronicles, got marginal ratings. 

‘These days, Lucas drives to his Sky- 


walker Ranch office sporadically. The 
majority of the time he’s home, writing 
and planning the three films that will 
consume him past the millennium, 

Even Lucas’ critics call him a vision- 
ary—one of the few filmmakers of the 
Seventies to grasp the significance of 
marrying computers to cameras. He 
now views films (such as the Star Wars 
trilogy) as dynamic creations, forever 
showcasing the latest technological 
breakthroughs in sound and image. 

“I can take images and manipulate 
them infinitely, as opposed to taking still 
photographs and laying them one after 
the other,” he told Wired earlier this year. 
“I move things in all directions. It's such 
a liberating experience." 

The dominant figure in digital movie- 
making, Lucas speaks mystically about 
the untapped potential for computers 
and film. "Digital technology is the same 
revolution as adding sound to pictures 
and the same revolution as adding color 
to pictures," he said. “Nothing more, 
nothing I 

Surprisingly, Lucas is hardly con- 
sumed with computers on a personal 
level. He uses e-mail infrequently. “I 
don't have time to spend on the Web," 
he told Wired. He added: “For being sort 
ofa state-of-the-art guy, my personal life 
is very unstate-of-the-art. It's 
actually. I like to sit on a porch and 
to the flies buzz if I have five minutes, 


because most of my life is interacting 
with people all the time. I interact with a 
couple hundred people every day, and 
"s very intense. I have three kids, so 1 
interact with them during whatever's left 
of the day. The few brief seconds I have 
before I fall asleep are usually more 
meditative in nature.” 

Since the car accident that nearly 
killed him at the age of 18, Lucas’ credo 
has been remarkably simple: Work hard, 
believe in yourself and persevere. 

“My films have a tendency to promote 
a personal self-esteem, a you-can-do-it 
attitude,” he told writer Paul Chutkow in 
1993. "Their message is, ‘Don't listen to 
everyone else. Discover your own feel- 
ings and follow them. Then you can 
overcome anything.” It’s old-fashioned 
and very American.” 

Lucas said he often meets people who 
are drifting. “All they need is the inspira- 
tion to say, ‘Don’t let all this get you 
down. You can do it,” he said. "It's the 
one thing I discovered early on. You may 
have to overcome a lot of fear and get up 
a lot of courage, sometimes to do even 
the simplest things, sometimes to just get 
up in the morning. But you can do it. 
You can make a difference. 

"Dreams are extremely important, 
he said. “You can't do it unless you imag- 


ine it." 


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177 


PILYCALYOBIOLY 


178 


I Could've Told You. „ьа from page 88) 


I knew I loved Fiona and could work as the conductor 
on her trainload of neuroses. 


“1 don't want to get tuberculosis,” 
he said. 

"I ain't got TB.” 

“Well, you had to go down to the doc- 
tor last weck, and you haven't bought 
any cigarettes since, and you had a 
coughing fit down at the Waffle House,” 
the kid said. 

“Oh. Oh, yeah. It's not tuberculosis, 
man," I said. "It's rabies." I took two 
quick steps his way so he jumped clean 
off the porch, eight feet off the ground. 

Га gone to the doctor to get some 
shots, because I'd been hired to check 
out the chances of a Disney project in 
Kuwait. I told them to save their money, 
but they didn’t. That Gulf war thing took 
place soon thereafter. There you go. 

1 licd in front of the judge and jury, in 
front of the packed house at the Polk 
County courthouse, in front of Fiona, 
Desmond and their respective lawyers. I 
said, “No sir. I never had sex with her in 
my house, It’s true she came over as the 
films indicate.” Then I said, “On more 
than one occasion Fiona came over look- 
ing for Bactine, Neosporin and gauze.” I 


made it sound like Desmond beat her or 
something, but I didn’t care. 

Desmond had the brains to point one 
of his little cameras toward my front 
porch. The jury saw something like 42 
dips of Fiona walking in my front door, 
all but one of me hugging her there. 
When Desmond took the stand he swore 
I'd told him about my scams just so I 
could lure his wife over my way. He'd 
put his hand on the Bible and every- 
thing, and looked the jury straight. Ob- 
viously they believed him. Luckily, no 
chicken followed Fiona over or we might 
have been sentenced to the electric chair. 
This was the South. 

Of course she lost everything. Juries 
from the mountains of western North 
Carolina don't care about mental cruelty 
or impotence or abuse. It's as if Stand by 
Your Man is piped into the chambers. 

The prosecutor asked me, “Do you 
know what kind of a person you are, 
breaking up a marriage?" I sat silent. 
“You're nothing but a coward, lying like 
this. Do you know the meaning of 
coward?" 


"There's a rumor going around that he's about to be traded." 


I tried not to shake. I didn't look up or 
down or sideways back and forth like an 
animal confuscd by rain. 

I didr't mention to Desmond's lawyer 
how the mountains of North Carolina 
are filled with garnets and rubies and 
emeralds and mica. I didn't say how one 
day when Fiona came over she made me 
lie naked in the sun and placed semi- 
precious gems on what she understood 
to be pressure points on my body. 

I understood, too. I'm talking sundi- 
al—she put a rock right on the end of my 
pecker: Fiona said, "I am trying to learn 
the proper and beneficial uses of mag- 
nets, but I don't feel sure about my- 
self yet." 

In the distance we heard Desmond's 
roosters crow. Fiona put rocks on her- 
self, and we both fell asleep. I got a sun- 
burn, and when I woke up it looked like 
someone had written tiny Os on my 
body. Га never felt better in my life— 
when Fiona rolled over on me our white 
marks fit like pistons, I swear. Let me say 
right now that it was at this point that I 
knew I loved Fiona and could work as 
the conductor on her trainload of neu- 
roses. Call it luck or predilection on her 
part, but those stones made me feel dif- 
ferent about myself and the rest of the 
world and the way things would end up 
in the future. 

The prosecutor said, "Boy, I believe 
you got some Sherman in you, what with 
the way you burned down a marriage 
with a perfect foundation." He pointed 
over at Desmond and said, “What else 
could you have done to this poor man?” 


Years later on, reading about how 
Chickens won those independent-film 
competitions, I had all kinds of reac- 
tions, most of which involved duct tape, 
a simple hard-backed chair, a pistol butt 
and a smile. I read that in France the 
movie was called Les Poulets, of course, 
and audiences considered it some kind 
of classic. In Holland or Denmark the 
film went by plain Peep-Peep. Because 
Desmond won the divorce, he got the 
house and half of Fiona's worth, en- 
abling him to back himself on his own 
project. Fiona came from a wealthy fam- 
ily, too. What I'm saying is, 1 damn near 
forgot that women named Fiona either 
numbed the ground when they walked 
or took in strays or had a trust fund the. 
size of influenza. 

We live quietly these days and we com- 
promise. Sometimes Fiona circles that 
gray patch on the back of my head as if 
she were mixing a drink with her finger. 
She says I'll soon come up with a vision 
for us both. I don't make fun of her 
when she gocs outside at night and cries 
with the stars and moon. And unlike 
most people, I'm now allowed to stomp 
on this carth. 


Could we have predicted the future 
for Miss October 1993 and 1994's 
Playmate of the Year, Jenny Mc- 
Carthy? Maybe. We knew she was a 
beauty with a fiery personality even 
before MTV discovered her comedic 
capabilities and every magazine in 


Ameri- 
ca put her on its cover. It's her sense 
of humor that produced recent 
cheers and jeers because of her toilet- 
themed ad campaign for Candie's 
shoes. Vogue and Cosmo refused to run 
the ads of her sitting on the throne. 
They didn't find them funny. But 
Jenny does. So does Candie's, which 
renewed its contract with McCarthy. 
We think the shots are charmin. 


PMOY READER FAVORITES 


Victoria Silvstedt wowed our readers, 
but they also loved (1) Jennifer Allan 
(Miss September), (2) Kona Carmack 
(Miss February), (3) Angel Boris (Miss 
July), (4) Gillian Bonner (Miss April), 
(5) Shauna Sand (Miss May) and (6) 
Karin Taylor (Miss June). 


"Hef has had unique experiences, a 
rich life and a wide perspective as a 
bachelor, husband, father, publisher 
and editor. He made his dreams come 
true. However, Politically Incorrect's 
host, Bill Maher, didn't seem to take 


PLAYMATE $ NEWS 


advantage of this, judging by his re- 
cent interview with Hef. Just when 
things began to get interesting, Hef 
was cut off, leaving me disappointed." 
— Peggy Wilkins 
mozart@uchicago.edu 


PLAYMATE BIRTHDAYS — JULY 
Pamela Anderson—Miss February 
1990 will be 30 on July 1. 

Karla Conway—Miss April 1966 will 
be 51 on July 5. 


Bebe Buell—Miss November 1974 will 
be 44 on July 14. 

Gloria Walker—Miss June 1956 will be 
60 on July 16. 

Suzi Schott—Miss August 1984 will be 
36 on July 19. 


"Kudos to Jenny McCarthy for her 
new comedy show. From the campy 
tide sequence bits to the skit with the 
Muppet-like creatures who stare at 
her breasts, the show is definitely a 
hit. Jenny doesn't mind poking fun 
at herself, and I have new respect for 
her as a physical comedian." 
— Mike Cristel 
alecto@petchem].wustl.edu 


CAROL VITALE: 
"I knew what | wanted to be when 
| grew up—the boss.” 


Demi Moore did it first on the cover 
of Vanity Fair. Now Miss November 
1988 Pia Reyes (right) does it in 
a more revealing 
book. Photogra- 
pher Mary Ann 
Halpin blows the 
lid off our percep- 
tions of pregnancy 
in Pregnant Goddess- 
hood (General Pub- 
lishing). The sexy 
photographs fea- 
ture various preg- 
nant women in fan- 
lasy sellings, as 
butterflies, mer- 
maids and even a 
boxer. It turns out 
that Pia's makeup 
for this photo 
shoot was done by 
none other than 
Miss January 1990 
Peggy McIntaggart, 


PLAYMATES 101: 
POSING FOR PLAYBOY 


How docs rPLaYBoY choose a 
Playmate? 

A woman sends in her own photo or 
her friend or partner does. Some Play- 
males are discovered by photogra- 
phers. Test shols are _ 
taken of likely candi- E 
dates, and Hef makes 
the final decision. 

How much are 
Playmates paid to 
pose? 

Playmates earn 
$20,000 and the 
Playmate of the Year 
gamers an additional 
$100,000 plus prizes. 

How many Play- 
mate photos does 
PLAYBOY own? 

Millions. 
Во 5 ће girl Vorio Sikst 

That's the phrase Hef used to de- 
scribe the kind of woman he wanted 
in the magazine, and, in July 1955, 
Janet Pilgrim was the first. 

How do applicants get photos 
to PLAYBOY? 

Applicants should send us recent 
color photos, preferably nude, includ- 
ing full-figure and face shots. You 
must send proof of age and be at least 
18. Send them to the attention of the 
Playmate Editor at the magazine. 


who is expecting twins. Look for 
these goddesses in your bookstore in 
October. 


Miss September 1963 Victoria 
Valentino publishes the Centerfold 
Sweethearts newsletter. She also has a 
Web site, classiccenterfold.com, for 


fans and col- 
lectors. Check 
the Web site 
or write to 
Centerfold 
Sweethearts 
at P.O. Box 
12324 in La 
Crescenta, Califor- 
nia 91224-5324. 
The newsletter, $30 
for a year, includes 
updates on Play- 
mates (many of 
whom have their 
own e-mail and post. 
office addresses), 
photos and information about past 
Glamourcons. Valentino's newsletter 
complements the recently formed 
Centerfold Alumni Association by 
keeping track of Playmate activities 
and bringing the women together in 
a fan-friendly letter. For fans, more 
news is good news 


Victorio yesterdoy 
ond todoy 


The number ot Playmates who 


—have been Playmates more than once: 4 
—have been pictured in the bath or shower: 51 


—have posed with a bunny: 2 


—have mentioned Mom on their Data Sheet: 30 
—have said they'd like to win an Oscar: 7 
—have appeared in a pictorial with a tractor: 1 


—are “former” Playmates: 0 


ЕЛЕ DEN 


condition first issues have sold for be- 
tween $6000 and $10,000, but those 
are scarce these days. 

There is a Playboy Collector's Asso- 
ciation, founded in 1987 by longtime 
reader Tom Bonner, that shares info 
on old issues and memorabilia. For 
details, write to Bonner at PO. Box 
653, Phillipsburg, Missouri 65722- 
0653 and include a self-addressed, 
stamped envelope. 

If you want to buy back issues of 
the magazine, Playboy Products sells 
them at 800-423-9494. Availability is 
limited for magazines dated Septem- 
ber 1962 to December 1966, and we 
can't help you with anything earlier 
than that. For those, you'll need to 
find a dealer of used or rare books. 
Or you can have a heart-to-heart with 
your dad or granddad. If a picture is 
still worth a thousand words, point 
your browser to www.playboy.com 
and gaze to your heart's content. 


QUOTE UNQUOTE 


“The most fun part of being Playmate 
ofthe Year was going to col- 
leges as a spokesperson for 
PLAYBOY. We did a lot of 
traveling. It was strange to 
sign auto- 
graphs for 
students 
older than I 
was. Also, 
Hef’s par- 
ties were 
lots of 
fun. Hef- 
ner is such a 
nice person, and he treated 
all of us with respect. He 
protected us, and I will al- 
ways remember those days 
fondly."—cHRISTA SPECK, 
Miss September 1961, 
PMOY 1962 


We are frequently asked what old 
copies of PLAYBOY are worth. Much 
depends on the condition and date of 
the issue. The first two issues are gen- 
erally valued at $1000 and up. Mint- 


KATHY SHOWER: 
"Movie producers were olwoys 


teosing me about my name, say- 
ing, ‘I think of you every morning." 
Those guys never got my number." 


“I traded the car I won as 

Playmate of the Year for a Volkswa- 

gen. The prize car was lovely, with 

power brakes and 

steering, but it was 

bright. frosted pink. 

Naturally, everyone 

who saw me in it 

would point and try 

to follow me. But be- 

fore I sold the car, I 

had it painted Eng- 

lish racing green and that helped a 

little. But it still had those chrome 

wire wheels and a bright white interi- 

Or."—DONNA MICHELLE, Miss Decem- 
ber 1963, PMOY 1964 


PLAYMATE GOSSIP 


Pamela Anderson Lee's next 
movie, Dumped, co-stars Tia Car- 
rere. It's the story of two sexy 
Hollywood types who get 
dumped. Look for it in the 

( А fall. .... PLAYBOY and Red- 
ken 5th Avenue teamed 

up with eveningwear 
designer Cesar Galindo 
for his fall 1997 collec- 
tion. For the first time 
ever, eight Playmates modeled 
Galindo's clothes: Miss May 1997 
Lynn thomas; 1995 Playmate of 
the Year Julie Cialini; Miss Au- 
gust 1995 Rachel Jeán Marteen; 
Miss April 1995 Danelle Folta; 
Miss October 1994 Victoria 
Zdrok; 40th Anniversary Play- 
mate Anna-Marie Goddard; Miss 
September 1992 Morena Corwin 
and Miss November 1992 
Stephanie Adams. . . . Playmate of 


The Tenison twins' colendor 


the Year 1990 Renee Tenison and 
her twin sister, actress Rosie, have 
a 1998 calendar that's available 
next month. Call 800-365-vEar to 
order. . . . PLAYBOY's Тах Day pro- 
motion for Playboy TV was staged 
at eight city post offices with Play- 
mates at each location. . . . Look 
for Miss January 1966 Judy Tyler 
in the art and photo magazine 
Photo RX. . . . Miss June 1994 
Elan Carter has made an HBO 
movie, Divorce, and was recently 
on the cover of Black Men maga- 
zine. . . . Kimberly Donley, Mi: 
March 1998, is doing commer- 
cials, most recently for Lexus on 
the Internet and Molson beer on 
ТУ... . Because of her role in the 
Russ Meyer cult classic, Miss De- 
cember 1968 Cynthia Myers still 
receives requests to autograph 
Beyond the Valley of the Dolls movie 
memorabilia. 1f you have items 
that you'd like to have Cynthia 
personalize, write to her at PO. 
Box 901358, Palmdale, California 
93590-1358. 


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181 


Bring Jenny McCarthy Back to Your Place 


WITH ¥PLAYBOY’S JENNY MCCARTHY CD-ROM 


19 CD-ROM 
NYSS96 


[5% the poges of Playboy to the TV screen—and now, on 


your home computer—Jenny commands attention. Her girlish 
playfulness and her drop-dead beauty have made this blonde 
a favorite of millions, and with Playboy's new Jenny McCarthy 
Collectors" Edition CD-ROM, you can take her home with you. 
Hove your own private viewing of over 200 sexy nude photos, 
along with an interactive slide show ond some tantalizing 


full-motion video. Cotch this hot new star while you can. 


Windows™ PC system requirements: Micosoft Windows 3.1, Order Toll-Free 800-423-9494 Charge to your Viso, MasterCard, 

Windows 95 or Windows NT; 486 DX or better processor; 8 MB RAM; Arian Express or Dis МОТО. Most orders shipped within 48 hours. (Source ote: 7007) 

SVGA 256 color graphics; Windows-compatible sound cord; double Order by Май Use your credit cord and be sure to indude your account number ond expiration 
d . Or enclose a check or money order payable to Playboy. Mail to Playboy, PO. Box 809, Dept. 70087, 

speed CD-ROM drive; mouse. йш, nois 60143-080. 


" & N И There is a $4.00 shipping-ond-hondling charge per total order. Ilinois residents include 6.75% soles 
Mac system requirements: System 7 operating system; тох. Conodian residents pleose indude on addiionol $2.00 per item. Sorry, no other foreign orders or 
8 MB RAM; 256 color monitor; double speed CD-ROM drive; mouse. currency accepted. ©1991 Peybor 


Also available at your local music, video and software stores 


JAMES IMBROGNO 


| 


PLAYBOY 


ON: THE 


-SCENE 


GET ORGANIZED! 


Ithough there will always be a place on our desk for a 
classic leather-bound organizer, we're also a big fan of 
electronic versions. Aside from their portability, these 
smart little gizmos are a superefficient way to keep your 
life in order. Keyboards and LCD touch screens ensure that your 
schedule and contact lists remain tidy. Some of the higher-end 


Clockwise from top lel 


models are computer-friendly, with features that make it easy to 
synchronize desktop files with the info you need on the road 
There are even new handheld personal computers, such as the 
Cassiopeia, which run a variation of Windows, allowing you to 
Stay organized—and busy—with word-processing, spreadsheet, 
e-mail and fax software. Now if only they had that calfskin smell. 


The 32K Rolodex Electronics Organizer features a jog dial for scrolling through phone files ($60). Royal’s DM98nx dou- 


bles as an FM radio—complete with a belt clip so you can listen to tunes on the go (about $40). The Cassiopeia Windows CE-based handheld 
personal computer comes with two or four megs of RAM as well as word-processing, e-mail and fax capabilities, by Casio ($500 and $600). The 
Sidekick 512K Personal Organizer from Franklin has PC connectivity and slots for Bookman reference and entertainment software (about $180). 


À 


WHERE а HOW TO BUY ON 


GRAPEVINE 


Anita, Les and Slash: 
Pickin’ and Grinnin’ 
Check out ANITA COCHRAN’s debut CD, 
Back to You, for some serious electric gui- 
tar, then hope guitar master LES PAUL (be- 
low, leit) and former Guns n* — 
Roses guitar- — : 
ist SLASH 
team up 
again soon 
to put their Û 
chopsto | 
Mustang Sal- 
ly. With so 
much of music 
lite, we salute 
the guitar gods 
and goddesses 
who play that 
funky stuff. 


Joanne's — ———— 
Jolly Good 

Readers of the British tab the Sun can feast their 
eyes on JOANNE GUEST on Page Three. She's just a 


regular Jo who plays pool, drinks beer and eats fish 


and chips. But Joanne is a queen to her public. 
T 


Arms and the Man 


JOHN MELLENCAMP says he feels like he knows 
less than he ever did, which may explain why Mr. 
Happy Go Lucky is so good. Mellencamp teamed 
up with New York dance club mixer and producer 
Junior Vasquez to create his loosest groove yet. 


A Hawaiian 
Punch 


DEE OLIVAS is hanging 
out in Hawaii, acting on 
Baywatch and promoting 
Coors, Lowrider maga- 
zine and Venus 
Swimwear. Aloha. 


The Way 
She Wears 

Her Hat 
CHRISTINE 
HUENEBURG has 
been modeling 
and promoting 
beer at Miller 
events and on its 
1997 poster cal- 
endar. We'll 

drink to that. 


Lace, Grace and a Beautiful Face 

KIM DELANEY, the new Revlon spokesmodel (a.k.a. Detective Russell on 
NYPD Blue), has bewitched Bobby Simone. You will also find her in 
Temptress, a PLAYBOY-produced movie on video. We found her undressed to 
the nines at a celebrity bash. Aren't we lucky? 


POTPOURRI 


CIGAR UNDER PAR 


Smoking a fine cigar on the links is one of life's 
pleasures, but burning a hole in your slacks or 
singeing a new leather bag isn't. To prevent this 
problem, Goldsmith Resources Inc. has created 
Stogie Vise, an adjustable stainless steel and 
brass cigar holder that's built like a tank. Clamp 
the Vise on your cart and give the grass—or 
your mouth—a break next time you're swing- 
ing for par. Price: $60, including a storage 
pouch. Call 800-532-1999 to order. 


TROJAN CLOTHES 
HORSE 


| 

In this era of safe sex and 

| high couture, it was only a 
| matter of time before con- 
| doms became a fashion 

| statement. "Trojan, "Ameri- 
ca's number one condom 

| brand,” has just intro- 
[Касса alinc of heavy, 
high-quality cotton 
‘T-shirts and brushed-cot- 
ton hats that are embossed. 
with the brand’s logo and 
phrases such as RIBBED FOR 
MY PLEASURE, LARGE LUBE, 
TRIPLE TESTED, ULTRATHIN, 
SPERMICIDAL and EXTRA 
STRENGTH. The T-shirts 
are available in black, 
white or orange in sizes 
Sto XXL. Price: $16. One- 
size-fits-all hats come in 
black, blue or khaki. Price: 
$18. Both are available at 
retail stores nationwide, 
including Spencer Gifts, 
Сайгооі and Wings, 
among others, 


OLD SPEECHES NEVER DIE 


Classic political speeches are often reduced to 
sound bites (“I have a dream,” etc.), but Great 
American Speeches: 80 Years of Political Oratory, a 
two-tape series for your VCR, puts these phras- 
es into context. The four-hour collection by 
Pieri & Spring Productions features 35 speech- 
¢s—most shown in their entirety—from 
Theodore Roosevelt's 1912 Bull Moose cam- 
paign to Jesse Jackson's 1984 rally at Tendley 
Baptist Church. Price: $35. Call 800-444-1000. 


ALL THAT JAZZ 


As a jazz shutterbug in the Forties and Fifties, Herman Leonard 
went from talking his way into concerts (using his camera as a 
ticket) to befriending and photographing hundreds of jazz greats, 
including Charlie Parker, Billie Holiday and Dizzy Gillespie (pic- 
tured above). Leonard's early career is recorded in Jazz Memories, 
a scrapbook-like tome filled with candid black-and-white shots of 
musicians at work and play, handwritten anecdotes and Leonard's 
reflections on the era. As Quincy Jones said to a group of musi- 
cians, "Herman Leonard does with his camera what you guys do 
with your instruments." In other words, tliis exceptional book 
will make you feel like you're hanging out in a smoky Manhattan 
nightclub, listening to some great jazz. Published by Hachette 
Filipacchi. Price: $100. To order, call 504-286-2444. 


CONFETTI ACCOMPLI 


If you want to give your Fourth of July 
cclebration the bang that fireworks can't 
provide, try the Hot Rod Confetti 
Launcher by Wagner Services, Inc. The 
device is easy to use outdoors or in a 
high-ceilinged room: Fill the 21” tube 
with confetti, tape the cap shut, attach a 

? cartridge and pull the trigger. Pop 
goes the Launcher. The bad part? Clean- 
ing up. Price: $39. Call 888-266-7438. 


VIVA VESPA 


When Enrico and Armando Piaggio built 
a 45-pound, one-cylinder motor scooter 
named Vespa in 1945, they started a rage 
in Italy. Fifty-two years later, the trend 
has spread to Chicago, where Scooter- 
works USA sells all things Vespa, from 
parts to the miniature VMD3 shown 
here. Embossed with the Piaggio 50th an- 
niversary crest, it’s one sixth the size of 
the real thing. Price: $45. 

Call 773-271-4242 


WE'D WALK A MILE FOR 
A CAMEL BOOK 


In 1988 when Camel cigarettes 
needed a new mascot to boost. 
sales, R.J. Reynolds Tobacco in- 
troduced Joe Camel, a suave 
dromedary with dark shades 
and a slick grin. Joe was a hit, 
and he's still Camel's poster boy. 
But this isn't the cigarette. 
brand's only clever ad campaign 
in recent history, as Camel Ciga- 
rette Collectibles: 1964-1995 can 
attest. The softcover book in- 
cludes more than 500 color 
photos of Camel posters, signs 
and tobacco memorabilia as 
well as collector prices. The 
cost: $30. To order, call Schifler 
Publishing at 610-593-1777 


WAXING ROMANTIC 


In an effort to help people "rediscover the theater of candles," 
"Todd and Tyler Fenn of Colorado's Candle Opera have created 
glow columns (pictured above). Unlike wax candles that shed light 
only at the top, the columns are made of translucent paraffin that 
emits a sensual glow. The candles are six, nine or 13 inches tall in 
two- or three-inch widths. Price: from $6 to $16. Call 303-938- 
6863 or contact the store at 1200 Pearl Street, Boulder, 80302. 


AN IRISH TOAST 


Leave it to the Irish to create a. 
liqueur in honor of the 1 million 
people who emigrated during 
the Great Irish Famine 150 
years ago. Celtic Crossing is a 
rich blend of Irish whiskeys 
(aged in oak barrels) and co- 
gnac, based on a recipe from 
that period. It comes in a limit- 
ed-edition miniature model of 
a three-legged Irish cooking 
crock (pictured here, $80) as 
well as in 750-ml bottles (about. 
$20). Serve it neat like a fine 
cognac in a snifter or with a 
small amount of ice. To find out. 
where you can buy Celtic Cross- 
ing, fax Gaelic Heritage Corp. 
at 813-896-5096. 


NEXT MONTH 


WHAT WOMEN WANT 


T 


BIKER BABES—THERE'S NOTHING LIKE BEAUTIFUL WOMEN, JASON ALEXANDER—AS SEINFELD WINDS DOWN, THE AC- 
LEATHER AND SPEED TO KICK-START OUR AUGUST ISSUE. TOR WHO PLAYS GEORGE COSTANZA WINDS UP FOR A MA- 
ENJOY OUR SIZZLING PICTORIAL, BUT DON'T FORGET YOUR JOR CAREER OFFENSIVE. THE MAN HAS TALENT, AND SOME 
SUNBLOCK—IT'S A SCORCHER PECULIAR HABITS. A PLAYBOY PROFILE BY BOB DAILY 


BEYOND DOG—PACKING HEAT. WEARING DISGUISES. DEAL- NORM MACDONALD—OFF CAMERA, THE "FAKE NEWS" AN- 
ING WITH NEO-NAZI SURFER DUDES. A DANGEROUS TRIP CHOR FROM SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE IS A GENUINE GUY WHO 
THROUGH FLORIDA IS BUSINESS AS USUAL FOR BOBBY yes BOB DOLE, HATES CELEBRITY GOLF TOURNAMENTS 
SQUARED, SHEILA AND THEIR DOG, HOSHI. FICTION BY AND ig AFRAID OF STALKERS. TWENTY QUESTIONS BY WAR: 
FAT JORDAN. REN KALBACKER 

BILL MAHER—THE POLITICAL PUNDIT WHO PUT COMEDY 
CENTRAL ON THE MAP IS NOW A MAJOR-NETWORK OVER- 
LORD. ITS HIS TURN IN THE HOT SEAT. A PLAYBOY INTERVIEW 
BY DAVID SHEFF 


IN BED WITH WOMEN'S MAGAZINES -WHEN IT COMES TO 
SEX, COSMO READERS WANT MORE, GLAMOUR GIRLS CRAVE 
ACTION AND LHJ LADIES ARE GOOD TO GO. GLENN O'BRIEN 
FINDS THE KEY TO A WOMAN'S PSYCHE AT HIS NEWSSTAND. 
MORAL MEDICINE—PHYSICIANS ARE IN TROUBLE AND PA- 

TIENTS IN TERRIBLE PAIN ARE TURNING TO DR. KEVORKIAN.A COOL LONDON—IT HAS BECOME THE CAPITAL OF EVERY- 
SHOCKING STORY ABOUT DEA MEDDLING BY KATHERINE THING THAT'S HIP AND SMART, FROM FASHION TO CLUBS TO 
EBAN FINKELSTEIN MUSIC. TAKE OUR EXCLUSIVE TOUR OF THE ANGLO ELITE 


MEN'S HELP!—THE MAGAZINE THAT CRIES TO BE PUB- PLUS: MUSTHAVE TRAVEL GADGETS, A REVISIT WITH HELE- 
LISHED. COLONS OF STEEL? GYM ERECTIONS? LEARN TO МА ANTONACCIO, A MOUTHWATERING LOOK AT LOS ANGE- 
PLAY THOSE WASHBOARD ABS—JUST DON'T LET ON WHERE — LES' HOTTEST DJ AND OUR ODE TO THIS SUMMER'S TANNED 
YOU READ IT. HUMOR BY ROBERT S. WIEDER AND TONED BATHING BEAUTIES 


Playboy (ISSN 0032-1478), July 1997, volume 44, number 7. Published monthly by Playboy in national and regional editions, Playboy, 680 

North Lake Shore Drive, Chicago, Illinois 60611. Periodicals postage paid at Chicago, Illinois and at additional mailing offices. Canada 

Post Canadian Publications Mail Sales Product Agreement No. 56162. Subscriptions: in the U.S., $29.97 for 12 issues. Postmaster: Send 
188 address change to Playboy, PO. Box 2007, Harlan, Iowa 51537-4007. E-mail edit@playboy.com. 


MAN'S GUIDE DIAMONDS 


ARE YOU oze of the TWO MILLION 
victims of ENGAGEMENT RING anxiety? 


1. Relax. Guys simply are not supposed to know 
this stuff. Dads rarely say, “Son, let's talk diamonds.” 
So read on. 


2. But it's still your 
3. Spend wisely. It’s tricky because no two diamonds 
are alike. Formed in the earth millions of years ago, 
diamonds are found in the most remote corners of 
the world. De Beers, the world's largest diamond 


company, has over 100 y 


s’ experience in mining 
and valuing, They sort rough diamonds into over 
5,000 grades before they go on to be cut and pol- 
ished. So be sure you know what you're buying. 
Two diamonds of the same size may vary widely 

in quality. And if a price looks too good to be true, 
it probably is. 

4. Learn the jargon. Your guide to quality and 
value is a combination of four characteristics called 
The 4 C 
but refers to the way the facets, or flat surfaces, are 
angled. A better cut offers more brilliance; Co/or, 


. They are: Cur, not the same as shape, 


actually, close to no color is rarest; Clarity, the fewer 
natural marks, or “inclusions,” the better; Carat 


weight, the larger the diamond, usually the more rare. 
5. Determine your price range. What do you spend on the one woman in the world who is smart enough to marry you? 
Many people use the Avo months’ salary guideline. Spend less and the relatives will talk. Spend more and they'll rave. 
6. Watch her as you browse. Go by how she reacts, not by what she says. She may be reluctant to tell you what she 
really wants. Then once you have an idea of her taste, don’t involve her in the actual purchase. You both will cherish 
the memory of your surprise. 


7. Find a reputable jeweler, someone you can trust, to ensure you're getting a diamond you can be proud of. Ask 
questions. Ask friends who've gone through it. Ask the jeweler you choose why two diamonds that look the same are 
priced differently. Avoid Happy Harry’s Diamond Basement. 

8. Learn more. For the booklet “How to Puy diamonds you'll be proud to give,” call 1-800-FOREVER, Dept. 21. 

9. Finally, think romance. And don’t compromise. This is one of life’s most important occasions. You want a diamond as 
? 


unique as your love. Besides, how else can two months’ salary last forev 


Diamond Information Center 
Sponsored by De Beers Consolidated Mines, Ltd., Est. 1888 


A diamond is forever. 
De Beers 


г 11mg. "tar", 08 mg. nicotine 
SURGEON GENERAL'S WARNING: Smoking 
Causes Lung Cancer, Heart Disease, 
Emphysema, And May Complicate Pregnancy. 


| v 


v 
є 


© 1997 R.J. REYNOLDS TOBACCO CO. ә