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WHY 
WOMEN 
SAY YES 


THE BABE 
ШНО PROVE 


о "30095510 


Come to where the flavor is. 


16 mg “tary 1.1 mgnicatine av. per cigarette by FTC method. 


SURGEON GENERAL'S WARNING: Smoking 
Causes Lung Cancer, Heart Disease, 


Emphysema, And May Complicate Pregnancy. 


© Philip Morris Inc. 1997 


ІТ you’re too tired to go 
out tonight, just think how 
you'll feel at seventy three. 


| | - : 2 A 
BEEFEATER. 


Live a little 


PLAYBILL 


THIS VALENTINE'S DAY, a Dutch treat: cover model Daphne Deck- 
ers, the latest Bond girl to pack heat in a steely PLAYBOY picto- 
rial. Вам Von Leeuwen photographed the beauty who, thanks to 
a TV gig in Holland, is more famous than Queen Beatrix. 
With a role in the 18th Bond flick, Tomorrow Never Dies, the 
pouty blonde promises to be hotter than tulips. When it comes 
to Bond, nobody does it better than Lee Pfeiffer, co-author of 
The Incredible World of 007. Here, in Bond's Little Black Book, 
Pfeitter delivers a white paper on our favorite facts (Dom 
Pérignon must be chilled below 38 degrees Fahrenheit), fig- 
ures (Pussy Galore and Plenty O'Toole) and Q tips (Bond had 
a submarine іп the shape of an alligator). Then it’s from Ger- 
many with love. Tomorrow's psychotic enforcer, Götz Оно, weaves 
his way through Out of Bondage а sexy, spy-crazy fashion 
spread. It will help you look dangerous in tuxedos or trousers. 

New cinematic sensation Paul Themes Anderson has an over- 
size hit on his hands with Boogie Nights, his ode to the golden 
age of adult films. It’s a pants’-eye view of the impressive rise, 
rise, rise and fall of endowed porn star Dirk Diggler (Mark 
Wahlberg). Contributing Editor David Rensin met with Ander- 
son for 20 Questions in which the director sends a Valentine's 
Day kiss to porn star Veronica Hart but is less kind when it 
comes to his mother. He also says Warren Beatty wanted 
Wahlberg's part. (And maybe one day he'll get it—it's actually 
a 13-inch prosthesis.) Speaking of funny bones, Conan O'Brien 
has been tickling ours since he took over David Letterman's 
old Late Night slot. Now that the rest of the world has caught 
оп to his humor and his ratings are soaring, we asked him to 
sit for a hilarious Playboy Interview with Contributing Editor 
Kevin Cook. You can tell Conan's from Harvard—he's as funny 
in print as he is in person. 

In the Fifties a comedian like O'Brien would have been 
clapped into jail. It was a time of extreme conformity and ге- 
pression. On TV no one had sex; in real life the country 
coped with Red Menace hysteria, Senate witch-hunts and gov- 
ernment studies on “sexual deviants.” Thankfully, there was a 
man named Hefner who, in his new magazine, celebrated sex 
and a lot of other manly urges. The tale is in James В. Petersen's 
Something Cool—the sixth installment of Playboy's History of the 
Sexual Revolution (illustrated by Tim O'Brien). Forty-plus years 
later, 175 OK for a woman to accept a man's advances—and to 
initiate a few moves of her own. The tough part is trying to 
figure out when she'll do what we're praying for. We asked 
Alison Lundgren and Trocey Pepper Lo poll the distaff side for the 
article Why Women Say Yes (Guy Billout did the artwork). As their 
results make plain, if you aren't a musician or a bartender, 
you'd better enter the sensitivity sweepstakes. Then join the 
millions of fans of Playboy TV's Night Calls and pick up some 
sex tips from Doria and Juli Ashton. (It airs on the first and third 
Wednesday of the month at 11 гм. Eastern time.) During the 
day, you can turn to Couch Tomatoes, our pictorial of the cable- 
ready ladies. 

Jimmy Buffett is a franchise player. As Contributing Editor 
David Standish relates in The CEO of Margaritaville, Buffett has 
a fan base of Parrotheads who fill his Margaritaville bars and 
buy his best-selling books. His music has become a lifestyle. 
Read the piece and learn how to sign on. For another escape 
try the short story Down in the Bahamas by Paul Brodeur. Join his 
protagonist, Faustman, for tan women, white beaches and a 
lot of bonefishing. (Gary Kelley did the illustration.) Then 
zoom into the sunset with Playmate Julia Schultz in a pictorial 
by Contributing Photographer Arny Freytag. Miss February's 
dad was a Hell's Angel. Vroom! 


VAN LEEUWEN 


RENSIN 


PETERSEN 


LUNDGREN BILLOUT 


г \ 


ч 


FREYTAG BRODEUR 


KELLEY 


Playboy (ISSN 0032-1478), February 1998, volume 45, number 2. Published monthly by Playboy in national and regional editions, Playb 


North Lake Shore Dri 


hicago, Ilinois 60611. Periodicals postage paid at Chicago, 


mal mailing offices, Canada Post С: 


dian Publications Mail Sales Product Agreement No. 56169. Subscriptions: in the U.S., $29.97 for 12 issues. Postmaster: Send address change to 
Playboy, PO. Box 2007, Harlan, Iowa 51537-4007. For subscription-related questions, e-mail circ@ny.playboy.com. Editorial: edit@playboy.com. 3 


In a world of fleeting diversions, 
there's always Bass Ale. 


PLAYBOY 


vol. 45, no. 2—february 1998 CONTENTS FOR THE MEN'S ENTERTAINMENT MAGAZINE 
PLAYBILL 3 
DEAR PLAYBOY. 9 
PLAYBOY AFTER HOURS. Ы із 
MOVIES . a Ке BRUCE WILLIAMSON 15 
VIDEO 5 17 
MUSICE е е 18 
WIRED 22 
TRAVEL 24 
BOOKS . —— 26 
HEALTH'SFITNESS И 28 
ММ 2252754. > асас ASABABER 29 
МОМЕҮ MATTERS ...-CHRISTOPHER BYRON 30 
MANTRACK И эз 
THE PLAYBOY ADVISOR.. 39 
THE PLAYBOY FORUM . 5 41 
PLAYBOY INTERVIEW: CONAN FERIEN cendid conversation 51 
WHY WOMEN SAY YES—article .. . .. . .. ALISON LUNDGREN and TRACEY PEPPER 60 
COUCH TOMATOES—pictorial . 64 


PLAYBOY’S HISTORY OF THE SEXUAL REVOLUTION 
PART VI: SOMETHING COOL (1950-1959) —artide ..... JAMES R. PETERSEN 


THE СЕО OF MARGARITAVILLE— ploybay profile ....... .......DAVID STANDISH 
GIFTS FOR AN ANGEL-gifts .. 

OUR HEARTS BELONG TO JULIA playboy" 5 playmate of the month. 

PARTY JOKES—humer ............. 
DOWN IN THE BAHAMAS fiction . 
PLAYBOY GALLERY: PETE TURNER 
BOND'S LITTLE BLACK BOOK—orticle 


$8883 


.PAULBRODEUR 100 


52200 ПӘ Miss Julia. 
LEE PFEIFFER 105 


PLAYMATE REVISITED: VICTORIA VALENTINO ... 82525 Acc а Tt 
OUT OF BONDAGE—fashion ._.. HOLLIS WAYNE 114 
20 QUESTIONS: PAUL THOMAS ANDERSON. . 118 
BONDING WITH DAPHNE—pictorial.............. eee 122 
WHERE & HOW TO BUY.. a ЕЕ Т 143 
PLAYMATE NEWS ............. аа: 163 
PLAYBOY ON THE SCENE N sen SR PA ОА 167 
COVER STORY 


Dutch supermodel-actress-author Dophne Deckers is quite busy these doys 
“The face” of Veronica TV (o wild Dutch television stotion) and author of two 
books, Dophne plays а sexy PR agent in the Bond film Tomorrow Never Dies. 
Bort von Leeuwen shot the cover, Basticon Von Schaik styled it and Allord 
Honigh styled Daphne's hair and makeup. Miss Deckers’ outfit ond vinyl boots 
ore by Korl Logerfeld. This month, our Robbit has taken up shodowboxing. Pow! 


GENERAL OFFICES. PLAYEOY. 680 NORTH LAKE SHORE DRIVE. CHICAGO, ILLINOIS 00911, PLAYBOY ASSUMES NO RESPONSIBILITY TO RETURN UNSOLICITED EDITORIAL OR GR; 


PRINTED IN U.S.A. 


PLAYBOY 


The Playboy 
Cyber Club. 
It Stacks Up! 


If you're a Playboy fan, your num- 
ber one site on the World Wide 
Web is cyber.playboy.com. 


Get exclusive access to thou- 
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many previously unpub- 

lished. Browse personal- 
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pages. Take part in live. 
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There's also the complete 
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Interviews, special photo. 
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ETBE, movie previews, 

PLAYBOY the Sex Trick of the 

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Ша your credit card and be sure to include your account 
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oder payable te Playboy, Mailto Playboy, PO. Box 809, 
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ORDER TOLL-FREE 800-423-9494 
Charge to your Viso, MasterCard, Amarican Egress ог 
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PLAYBOY 


HUGH M. HEFNER 
editor-in-chief 


ARTHUR KRETCHMER editorial director 
JONATHAN BLACK managing editor 
TOM STAEBLER art director 
GARY COLE photography director 
KEVIN BUCKLEY executive editor 
JOHN REZEK assistant managing editor 


EDITORIAL 

ARTICLES: STEPHEN RANDALL edilor; FICTION: 
ALICE к. TURNER editor; FORUM: JAMES в. PE 
TERSEN senior staff writer; CHIP ROWE associate 
editor; MODERN LIVING: DAVID STEVENS edi- 
for; BETH TOMKIW associate editor; STAFF: BRUCE 
KLUGER, CHRISTOPHER NAPOLITANO senior editors; 
BARBARA NELLIS associate editor; ALISON LUND 
GREN junior editor; FASHION: HOLLIS WAYNE 
director; JENNIFER RYAN JONES assistant editor; 
CARTOONS: MICHELLE URRY editor; COPY: 
LEOPOLD FROEHLICH editor; ARLAN BUSHMAN, 
ANNE SHERMAN assistant editors; REMA SMITH 
senior researcher; LEE BRAUER, GEORGE HODAK, 
LISA ROBBINS, researchers; MARK DURAN research 
librarian; CONTRIBUTING EDITORS: Asa 
BABER, CHRISTOPHER BYRON, KEVIN COOK, 
GRETCHEN EDCREN, LAWRENCE GROBEL. KEN CROSS 
(automotive), CYNTHIA HEIMEL, WARREN KAL- 
BACKER, D. KEITH MANO, JOE MORGENSTERN, REG 
POTTERTON, DAVID RENSIN, DAVID SHEFF, DAVID. 
STANDISH, BRUCE WILLIAMSON (movies) 


ART 
КЕМІС POPE managing director; BRUCE HANSEN, 
CHET SUSKI, LEN WILLIS senior directors; SCOTT 
ANDERSON assistant art director; ANN SEIDL зирет- 
micnr, keyline/pasteupi; vavi. CHAN senior art assis- 
lant; JASON simons ат! assistant 


PHOTOGRAPHY 

MARILYN GRABOWSKI west coast editor; JIM LAR- 
SON. NICHAEL ANN SULLIVAN senior editors; PATTY 
BEAUDET-FRANCES associate editor; STEPHANIE BAR- 
NETT assistant editor; DAVID CHAN, RICHARD Fl 
LEY. ARNY FREYTAG. RICHARD РАЛ, DAVID. MECEY, 
BYRON NEWNAN, POMPEO POSAR, STEPHEN WAYDA 
contributing photographers; GEORGE GIORGIO 
studio manager—chicago; вил. WHITE studio 
manager—los angeles; SHELLEE WELLS stylist; 
ELIZABETH GEORGIOU photo archivist; GERALD 
SENN correspondent —paris 


RICHARD KINSLER publisher 


PRODUCTION 
MARIA MANDIS director; RITA JOHNSON manager; 
KATHERINE CAMPION, JODY JURGETO, RICHARD 
QUARTAROLI, TOM SIMONEK associate managers 


CIRCULATION 
LARRY A. DJERF newsstand sales director; PHYLLIS 
ROTUNNO Subscription circulation director; CINDY 
RAKOWITZ communications director 


ADVERTISING 
ERNIE RENZULLI advertising director; JAMES Dı 
MONEKAS, eastern advertising sales manager; JEFF 
KINMEL, sales development manager; JOE HOFFER 
midwest ad sales manager; 1RV KORNBLAU market- 
ing director; LISA NATALE research director 


READER SERVICE 

LINDA STROM. MIKE OSTROWSKI correspondents 
ADMINISTRATIVE 

EILEEN KENT пеш media director; MARCIA TER- 

RONES Tights € permissions manager 


PLAYBOY ENTERPRISES, INC. 
CHRISTIE HEFNER chairman, chief executive officer 


PLAYBOYY 


PRESENTING THE PLAYMATE Book є THE PLAYBOY Book: 
Forty Yeans-Bork Sienen By Huch М. HEFNER 


HE PLAYMATE BOOK IS A UNIQUE TRIBUTE 
еле коман 
THE PLAYBOY PLAYMATES. PLAYBOY OPENED 
THE PLAYBOY ARCHIVES TO ASSEMBLE THIS 
BEAUTIFUL BOOK, FEATURING INCREDIBLE 
PHOTOGRAPHY OF EVERY PLAYMATE 
FROM THE FIRST ISSUE THROUGH 
DECEMBER 1996. 

* 9" x 12" OVERSIZED HARDCOVER 
воок wiTH 384 PAGES 

* COLOR AND BLACK-AND-WHITE 
PHOTOS OF MORE THAN 500 
PLAYMATES, NUDE PICTORIALS, Ti Pun 
NEVER-BEFORE-PUBLISHED PICTURES 
AND SNAPSHOTS FROM HUGH HEFNER'S 
PERSONAL PHOTO ALBUM 

* RECENT PHOTOS AND FACTS ABOUT 
MANY OF YOUR FAVORITE PLAYMATES 

+ INTRODUCTION BY HUGH M. HEFNER 

* PERSONALLY SIGNED BY 
HUGH M. HEFNER 


FROM ITS HUMBLE BEGINNINGS IN THE 

APARTMENT OF 27-YEAR-OLD HUGH HEFNER 

IN 1953 TO ITS REMARKABLE INFLUENCE ON MOD- 

ERN SOCIETY, IS CAPTURED IN ONE. 

BEAUTIFUL COFFEE-TABLE BOOK. 

* 9" x 12" OVERSIZED HARDCOVER 
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* MORE THAN 1000 PICTURES 
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* RARE BEHIND-THE-SCENES 
IMAGES ALONG WITH THE MOST 
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* GATEFOLD FEATURING ALL 480 PLAYMATES 
) * PERSONALLY SIGNED BY HUGH М. HEFNER 


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Order Toll-Free 800-423-9494 


CHARGE TO YOUR VISA, MASTERCARD, AMERICAN EXPRESS OR DISCOVER/ 
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EXPIRATION DATE. OR ENCLOSE A CHECK OR MONEY ORDER PAYABLE TO PLAYBOY. > 
MAIL TO PLAYBOY, РО. Box 8ОЭ, DEFT. 70378, ITASCA, ILLINOIS 60143-0809. Visit the Playboy Store at wwwl.playboycom/cotalog/ 


Стени PLAYBOY 


Ұ PLAYBOY's 


BR NEXT DOOR 


NAUGHTY amd МІСЕ 


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These seductive young women aren't those ul 
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follow two young lovers as they sneak away for a 
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gives him an intimate photo session he'll never forget. 
In seven sexy scenes, these naughty next-door neigh- 
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There is a $4.00 shipping-ond-handling charge per total order. ioi residents include 675% sales іш. 
Canadian residents please indude ал aditional $3.00 per йет, Sorry, no eher foreign ors or c 

Visit the Playboy Store at wwwl.playboy.com/catalog/ 


ТОШЕВ 


Also available at wm. and other video and music stores 


DEAR PLAYBOY 


680 NORTH LAKE SHORE DRIVE 
CHICAGO. ILLINOIS 60611 
FAX 312-689-9534 
E-MAIL ÜEARPBGOPLAYBDY COM 
PLEASE INCLUDE YOUR DAYTIME PHONE NUMBER 


SIZZLIN' SUZEN 
I've always enjoyed PLavboy’s intelli- 
gent articles, the fabulous ladies and, 
most of all, the class that your magazine 
brings to men’s entertainment, Having 
said that, I feel that featuring an obvious 
tabloid pawn on your November cover is 
uncharacteristic of rLaypoy. Suzen John- 
son is a beautiful woman, but there are 
better ways to increase your readership 
and maintain a classy image 
Bryan Reiley 
Knoxville, Tennessee 


What do you have scheduled for the 
next cover? Marv Albert's victim point- 
ing to the tooth marks? 

Curtis Allen Bany 
Los Angeles, California 


While it's true that Frank and Kathie 
Lee Gifford live a public life, aren't some 
things better left private? Spouses some- 
times stray, but to feature the other wom- 
an on your cover is distasteful. 

Patty Breeden 
Baltimore, Maryland 


Kudos to pravbov for the magnificent 
Suzen Johnson pictorial. She's the sexi- 
est, most voluptuous 47-year-old who 
has ever appeared on your magazine 
cover. It's no wonder Frank Gifford suc- 
cumbed to her charms. 

Paul Mehler 

Alexandria, Virginia 


PLAYBOY took Suzen Johnson off the 
tabloids and made her a real human be- 
ing. Ihe text was well written, and the 
photography was up to PrAYBOY's high 
standards. Thanks for proving that 
glamour is not confined to youth. 

Gordon Reigle 
Midland, Texas 


I've always considered myself open- 
minded about sex and relationships. As 
а newlywed, I considered FLAYROY to 
be the competition, but. my husband 


showed me that your magazine was 
tasteful and informative. Геуеп gave 
him a gift subscription for Christmas. 
But when you featured Suzen Johnson 
in November, it went against everything 
I thought you stood for. РгАҮВОҮ has glo- 
rified a woman whose fame carne from a 
liaison with a famous married man. I'm 
offended and surprised. I won't be re- 
newing our subscription. 

Jennifer Poe Umphress 

Arlington, Texas 


The November issue, with pictures of 
Suzen Johnson, is why I subscribe to 
PLAYBOY. It's the one magazine where all 
the hot topics are discussed. 

Mike Cantrell 
"Tampa, Florida 


HISTORY REPEATS ITSELF 
I have lived through a great deal of 
what is described in the latest chapter of 
Playboy's History of the Sexual Revolution, 
Part V, 1940-1949 (November). James 
В. Petersen has done a terrific job of 
putting it all together. I hope PLAYBOY 
plans to issue the entire series as a book 
I would buy it to leave to my children 
and grandchildren so they might under- 
stand the changes that have taken place 
from my youth to the present. Every 
generation seems doomed to reinvent 
the wheel and to rediscover its sexuality. 
Peter Roberts 
Pasadena, California 
Peler, you're т luck. When the series is 
completed, there will be a book, published by 
Dutton. 


As teenagers of the Forties, my wife 
and I have enjoyed remembering and 
singing almost every song in your Praise 
the Lord (and Pass the Ammunition) sidebar 
to Male Call. While you came close to list- 
ing the best and worst World War Two 
songs (Sentimental Journey and Remember 
Pearl Harbor, respectively), you missed 
two of the best: ГИ Walk Alone and You're 
a Sap, Mr. Jap, which was given a lot of 


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Playboy, BO. Box 809, Dept. 70373, Itasca, Illinois 
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Minois residents include: 


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5% sales ып. Canadian residents 
please include an additional $3.00 per ltem. Sorry, no other 


foreign orders or currency accepted. 


отаға 


PLAYBOY 


radio play in December 1941 because it 
was one of the first post-Pearl Harbor 
ditties. It's easy to see why ГИ Walk Alone 
won our hearts. 
Karl Sterne 
Alameda, California 


1 just finished reading Petersen's great 
article. At the bottom of page 88 is a 
reprint of a War Department poster of 
Rosie the Riveter, one of two versions 
Гуе seen (the other shows her working 
on the wing of a Grumman). She was an 
aircraft worker during the war who, with 
the help of a co-worker, once riveted 
3345 rivets in six hours on an Aven- 
ger bomber. She was portrayed in a 
1944 musical of the same name by 
Jane Frazee. Rosina Bonavita—known as 
Rosie the Riveter—was a real person, 
and my cousin. Most of our family (many 
were first-generation Italian immi- 
grants) are now deceased. My sister and 
l have been searching for years for 
copies of these two posters, but our ef- 
forts have been futile. I work for the gov- 
ernment and have tried to get them 
from the archives of the Government 
Printing Office. But thus far, I've been 
unsuccessful. 
Jimmi Bonavita 
Chesapeake, Virginia 
Our visual of Rosie came from Ande 
Rooney's Porcelain Enameled Advertising 
Signs at PO. Box 758HN, Port Ewen, New 
York 12466. 


THE MONEY GAME 

Men columnist Asa Baber is always 
entertaining and informative, and his 
column is one of the best features in 
PLAYBOY. But November's “Real Men 
Hedge Their Bets” is off the mark. 
Baber is not a financial expert. Fi 
not all financial markets are zero-sum 
games. Then he confuses hedging with 
reducing exposure to risky assets such as 
stocks. Lastly, he alludes to market crash- 
es as predictors of economies headed for 
a depression. Throughout this century, 
market crashes have been poor predic- 
tors of both depressions and recessions. 
The point of Baber's column—that in- 
vestors should be aware of the risks they 
are taking and avoid complacency with 
the stock market’s stellar performance 
over the past couple of years—is lost in 
inaccuracies and misstatements. 

Brad Miller 
Overland Park, Kansas 

Baber responds: Hedging (shorting stocks, 
for example) is actually a way to reduce expo- 
sure if you think the market might go down. 1 
called this economy a predepression economy, 
but I never suggested a market crash would be 
a predictor of a depression. And while I'm not 
а financial expert, my point was that so-called 
experts sometimes gel il wrong. 


GOING TOO FAVRE? 
Grow up, Brett Favre (Playboy Inter- 


10 view, November). You have a wife and 


daughter. Farts and dirty jokes? I felt like 
I was reading an interview with my nine- 
year-old son. 

Jean Pieper 

North Haven, Connecticut 


Brett Favre may be one bad football 
player, but there's no way he’s a Cajun. 1 
say Cajuns come from the bayous of 
Louisiana, not small towns іп Mississip- 
pi. One Bad Redneck would have been a 
more appropriate title. 

Jimmy Tidwell 
Lafayette, Louisiana 


I wish Brett Favre the best, but 1 hope 
he realizes that for someone with a sub- 
stance abuse problem, all mind-altering 
substances are off-limits. Beer too. 

Fred Laitinen 
Green Bay, Wisconsin 


RUSSIAN PASTRY 

A Playmate whose turn-ons include 
Pushkin? Wow! Inga Drozdova (From 
Moscow With Love, November) 


more reason to salute the end of the 
Cold War. 
John Harper 
Cleveland, Ohio 


What [ like about Inga, aside from her 
obvious beauty, is that she’s smart and 
competent and she speaks English. 

Len Walter 

New York, New York 


EXTREMELY TAME 

Riding an outsized roller skate down 
the street is extreme (Inside the Extreme 
Machine, November)? If doing semi- 
artistic “look, Ma, no hands” stunts on 
the kind of bike I stopped riding when 
Iwas 12 qualifies as extreme, how would 
slackers describe being strapped into a 
fiberglass rolling coffin full of fuel and 
howling around Michigan International 
Speedway at 200-plus miles per hour? 


For a genuinely extreme sport, PLAYBOY 
should check out Denver's National 
Western Stock Show Rodeo. 

Richard Lawler 

Idaho Springs, Colorado 


ROBERT'S RULES OF ORDER 
"Though I've never seen an episode of 
Arliss, 1 agree with Robert Wuhl's (20 
Questions, November) comments about 
what's wrong with television. 1 grew up 
with six sisters who tried to model their 
personalities on TV characters, and for 
30 years, Гуе paid for it. So much for 
those wholesome shows from the early 
days of TV. 
David Allen Kelly 
Sartell, Minnesota 


GOT MILK? 

You blew it regarding lactose intoler- 
ance (Health & Fitness, November). Only 
one Swede in 20 can't digest an entire 
quart of milk. But Dr. Michael Levitt's 
Minnesota population is not typical of 
the rest of the world. Except for north- 
em Europeans and a few African goat 
herders, 70 to 95 percent of most popu- 
lations begin to lose their ability to digest 
lactose at the age of weaning. 

Don Matteson 

Professor of Chemistry 
Washington State University 
Pullman, Washington 


Гуе seen estimates that as much as half 
of the world population is allergic to 
dairy products. There are so many other 
sources of calcium that you never have 
to drink another glass of milk. 

Jim Russell 
Dallas, Texas 


BABY, IT’S COLD OUTSIDE 
The only thing missing from Charles 
Plucddeman’s wrap-up on winter (Win- 
ter: Deal With It!, November) is advice 
on where to go skiing. I would like 
PLAYBOY's take on the best powder and 
the best snow bunnies. 
Mark Gates 
Denver, Colorado 


MURDER WITH A SMILE 
I've always been a fan of Lawrence 
Block's fiction, especially his thief and 
antiquarian book dealer Bernie Rhoden- 
barr. In Keller on the Spot (November), he 
brings us a hit man with a conscience. 
Marianne Burns 
Los Angeles, California 


BAKED ALASKA 
The male students at the University 
of Alaska in Fairbanks are really big 
PLAYBOY. fans. During the long. bleak 
winters here, we count on your hot pic- 
torials to keep us warm. 
Anthony Kanouse 
Fairbanks, Alaska 


* LI 


1998 CROWN ROYALe IMPORTED IN THE BOTTLE BLENDED CANADIAN WHISKY =» AD^ ALCOHOL BY VOLUME (80 PROOF) JOSEPH E. SEAGRAM & SONS, NEW YORK, NY 


Those who appreciate quality enjoy it responsibly, 


5 Heaven on earth. 


e | gs 3 
4 Box Kings, 18mg. “tar 12 mg. nicotine av. per cigarette bY TT 


SURGEON GENERAL'S WARNING: Quitting Smoking 
Now Greatly Reduces Serious Risks to Your Health. 


PLAYBOY AFTER HOURS. 


ANYBODY GOT A COMPASS? 


The latest vaginal hot spot to be tout- 
ed in the mcdia is thc antcrior fornix 
crogenous zone. Discovered by Malay 
sian gynecologist Chua Chee Ann, the 
AFE zone is said to produce erotic sen- 
sations when rubbed the right way. In 
Secrets of Better Sex, therapist Joel Block 
offers these enticing suggestions: "Stim- 
ulate the AFE zone by sliding a finger up 
and down the area. Then move from the 
АЕЕ to the С spot and back again. Stroke 
the AFE area in a dockvise, then coun- 
terclockwise, motion.” The zone is sup- 
posedly on the front vaginal wall—south 
of the cervix, north of the G spot and 
somewhere east of Shangri-la. 


JOCK HITCH 


Мете not sure he has found his core 
audience, but John Tesh has a new CD 
coming out. Victory: The Sports Collection 
is a disc of his TV sports compositions, 
including Roundball Rock, which NBC 
plays for the NBA. If that’s not tempting 
enough, there's more. Included in every 
CD is a collection of six—count ‘em, 
six—trading cards on which Tesh is cari- 
catured engaging in sports such as cy- 
cling, diving and basketball. The swish 
you heard was the sound of our CD hit- 
ting the wastebasket 


SCIENTIFIC BOOBS 


The Uplift and Separate Department: 
A recent study by Seattle's Fred Hutchin- 
son Cancer Research Center revealed 
that women who have their breasts en- 
larged are more promiscuous, drink 
more alcohol and are more likely to dye 
their hair than the unenhanced babe. 
Next: a study that shows how ponytails 
on balding men lead to celibacy. 


GETTING THE BUG 


University of Florida researcher Mark 
Hostetler went to extreme lengths to re- 
search his book on the collision of insects 
and automobiles, That Gunk on Your Car. 
According to the Los Angeles Times, he 
did what it took to gather the most evi 
dence—including scraping the wind- 


shields of Greyhound buses and taking a 
12,000-mile road trip. He even equip- 
ped his car's roof with a net to catch the 
bugs that bounced off his windshield. So 
what's the last thing that went through 
his mind as he wrote this book? We think 
everyone knows the answer. . . 


INFECTIOUS CHARM. 


As part of the cause-awareness mar- 
keting wave, Carpediem International 
is producing boxer shorts and neckties 
imprinted with enlarged reproductions 
of major disease organisms, including 
cholera, measles, gonorrhea, chlamydia, 
AIDS and syphilis. Bear in mind these 
may become garments you have trouble 
getting rid of. 


SCUD DUDS 

We all remember (if only vaguely) Ar- 
thur Kent, the CNN reporter who te 
vised his dispatches from the Gulf war 
while Iraqi Scud missiles flew overhead 
His war-distressed leather jacket has 
gone on display at the Freedom Forum's 
Newseum in Rosslyn, Virginia. It shares 
space with Paul Revere's glasses, Freder- 


ILLUSTRATION BY GARY KELLEY 


ick Douglass’ pocket watch and Ernie 
Pyle’s typewriter. Cara Sutherland, the 
museum's curator, asked Kent for the 
jacket because it had such a visual impact 
during that news event. In The Wash- 
ington Post, Freedom Forum chairman 
Charles Overby put it in perspective: 
"It's not a gown of Princess Diana's, but 
it's pretty good for journalism." 


URBAN POUR 


The New York Times reported that sev- 
eral cities, including Houston and North 
Miami Beach, want to bottle and market 
their own drinking water. And why not? 
The deputy director of Houston's pub- 
lic-works department says, “The fact is, 
we sell a quality product at a ridiculously 
low price.” Corpus Christi already sells 
tap water. Perfect for baptisms. 


BURNT OFFERINGS 


Cooking Rock, a food zine for slackers, 
addresses the issue of food preparation 
for the crowd that cats take-out. While 
we enjoyed its black-and-white pin-up of 
a nude chick named Cookie, we were 
particularly taken with two of its food 
haiku. The Meat Fater's Haiku, by Brian 
Robinson, expresses a sentiment dear to 
our stomachs: "Didn't claw my way/To 
the top of the food chain/ Just to eat veg- 
gies.” Another Helping Haiku, by Jeff Mey- 
ers, arrives just in time for the holidays: 
“Bacon and cheesecake/T'll eat as much 
as 1 like/Coronary soon.” 


HASTA LA VISA 


If you think you might be kidnapped 
and held for ransom while traveling 
abroad on business, you should consider 
holding a fake passport. Because it is 
illegal to sell a fake passport from a 
real country, Scope International issues 
them from countries that have ceased to 
exist, such as British Honduras, Burma, 
Rhodesia and New Granada. The 
thought is that a kidnapper is le: 
ested in a tourist from a small, pol 
unimportant country than he 
business traveler from a large, political- 
ly active one. The passports cost about 
$400 and have embossed covers, entry 


RAW DATA 


SIGNIFICA, INSIGNIFICA, STATS AND FACTS ] 


QUOTE 

“TIl get a chain 
and tie you to the 
front bumper of my 
pickup, and you try 
to pull и while I’m in 
reverse. Then you'll 
know."—GREG OS- 
TERTAG OF THE UTAH 
JAZZ ON THE STRENGTH 
OF SHAQUILLE O'NEAL 


ER BY THE 

NUMBERS 
Average loan debt 
ofa medical student: 
$64,000. Average 
debt of a dental stu- 
dent: $68,000. Aver- 


FACT OF THE MONTH 


GS-15s (those in the 
$76,000-to-$99,000 
salary range): 19. 


JUMBO JOCK 

Weight of Aaron 
Gibson, a tackle at 
the University of 
Wisconsin and the 
heaviest player in 
college football: 385 
pounds. 


ARACHNOPHOBIA 

The number of spi- 
der bites that were 
reported to poison- 
control centers in the 
U.S. in 1994: 9418. 


age debt of a law stu- The lock that was picked by Тһе number of bites 
dent: $40,000. the Watergate burglars in the that were from ta- 
1972 break-in that doomed rantulas: 82. 
HOT TYPE Nixon was recently auctioned 
Percentage in- off for $13,000—$2000 less EXEC SET 


crease in number 
of books published 
between 1991 and 
1996: 83. During the 
same period, percentage increase in 
number of books of crotica: 324. 


same auction. 


GUN SHOW 
According to a national study fund- 
ed by the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Ser- 
vice, percentage of Americans who 
support legal hunting: 81. Percentage 
of Americans who hunt: 6. 


THE THREE-CAR GARAGE 
Number of American households 
in 1960 that had three or more cars: 1 
million; in 1990: 16 million. 


HARDENING OF THE ARTERIES 
Average amount of time per year 
drivers in America’s 50 most congest- 
ed cities and suburbs spend stuck in 
traffic: 33 hours (20 percent of their 
total commuting time). 


CHECKBOOKS AND BALANCES 

According to Wastewatcher, pub- 
lished by Citizens Against Govern- 
ment Waste, percentage decrease 
between 1989 and 1995 of govern- 
ment employees with the rank of 
GS-1 (who earn $13,000 to $16,000 
a year): 76. Percentage increase in 


than the price Yul Brynner's 
cowboy hat fetched at the 


Percentage of the 
FAA’s national air 
traffic control system 
Tesources needed to 
track flights of corporate jets: 20. Per- 
centage of air traffic control revenue 
that comes from business jets: 2. 


THIS IS WHERE WE GET OUR NEWS? 
In а survey of 780 newspaper 
tors, publishers and advertising di- 
rectors, percentage who felt their re- 
porters were informed enough to 
cover education reform: 24. Percent- 
age who said reporters understood 
complex changes in welfare: 10. 


CAMPAIGN DOLLARS: NO CHANGE 
According to Paul Taylor, director 
of the Free TV for Straight Talk 
Coalition, number of votes taken in 
Congress on the issue of campaign fi- 
nance reform during the past decade: 
113. Number of speeches delivered 
on the subject: 3361. Pages of con- 
gressional testimony: 6742. 


DISINGENUOUS GENDER 
According to a Lutheran Brother- 
hood survey, percentage of respon- 
dents who feel men are more ethical 
than women: 10. Percentage who feel 
women are more ethical: 51. 
—BETTY SCHAAL 


and exit stamps and a security holo- 
gram. Scope also provides corroborating 
documents, such as a federal insurance 
card and club memberships. The com- 
pany says that government officials use 
its passports and that petroleum engi- 
neers used them to get out of Kuwait 
during the Gulf war. Of course, the suc- 
cess of these passports is predicated on 
the sad state of geopolitical knowledge in 
certain parts of the world. And that may 
be a good thing, even if we may not be 
able to locate where. 


NEW WORD ORDER 


Say you have a sexual relationship 
that isn't out in the open. Or maybe you 
have a relationship that you're hoping 
will become sexual but hasn't yet. In 
these cases, you have an umfriend, as in 
“This is Cindy, my... um . . . friend.” 
Other new terms for modern conditions 
include beepilepsy—the back-twisting, 
eye-squinting maneuver you make when 
your beeper goes off. The Brits came up 
with something called clubber's burn— 
for the poxlike spots you get in a night- 
club from careless dancers waving ciga- 
rettes. And warn your girlfriend about 
PVC bottom. It's when she wears a rub- 
ber miniskirt without panties and gets a 
rash—and when you get out the baby oil. 


DO THE MATH, TOVARICH 


Even in Russia's newly expanding and 
stabilizing economy, there is still a place 
for a bribe. To wit, this report: A wine 
importer who was trying to bring in a 
shipment of Bordeaux was told by a cus- 
toms official to pony up $10,000 or for- 
get it. The importer pointed out that ten 
grand was awfully steep, considering 
that for $2000 he could simply have the 
official killed. The wine sailed through. 


IGNORANCE IS MARITAL BLISS 


A study by the University of Canter- 
bury in Nev Zealand asked 74 married 
couples to imagine what their mates 
were thinking in various situations. The 
researchers found that the longer the 
husbands and wives had bcen together, 
the less each understood what the other 
was thinking. The results help explain 
why long-term marriages endurc. 


SCENTS AND SENSIBILITIES. 


Beautiful women smell better than 
other women. Scientists at the Institute 
of Urban Ethology in Vienna asked one 
group of men to rate a sample of women 
according to physical beauty, while an- 
other group was asked to rate the smell 
of each woman's T-shirt (worn several 
nights in a row). The most attractive 
women had the best-smelling shirts, but 
the opposite was found among men who 
were rated by looks and smell. The bet- 
ter a man looked, the worse he smelled. 
Guess that’s why he's called Brad Pitt. 


MOVIES 


By BRUCE WILLIAMSON 


WOODY ALLEN'S Deconstructing Harry (Fine 
Linc), his most personal film to date, is 
patently drawn from his own experience 
as a first-rate comic artist with a screwed- 
up private life. It is ostensibly the bio of a 
successful novelist named Harry Block 
(Woody’s role) who wrings best-sellers 
from his marriages, frequent affairs and 
flings with prostitutes but concedes he 
can't function in real life. In Allen's in- 
ventive mélange of fact and fancy, Block 
imagines actors playing scenes from his 
books, then contrasts those moments 
with a real world that often spins out 
of control. As a film, Harry alternates 
between self-absorption and outright 
hilarity—particularly in achingly funny 
scenes with Judy Davis and Kirstie Alley 
as two of the angry ex-wives he has of- 
fended in print and in private. Enlisting 
the usual cast of names—all of whom 
seem eager to play any part for Allen— 
he has Robin Williams in a juicy role as 
a man who is out of focus, plus Julia 
Louis-Dreyfus, Demi Moore, Eric Bo- 
gosian, Billy Crystal, Elisabeth Shue and 
Richard Benjamin as various characters, 
real or imagined. At times it’s edited in a 
disconcertingly jumpy style and is also 
suspiciously misogynistic. But any movie 
by Allen nowadays turns out to be a cor- 
nucopia of egocentric analyses and un- 
buckled laughter. ¥¥¥/2 


The main reason to see Afterglow (Sony 
Classics) is the captivating performance 
by Julie Christic, who dominates this 
otherwise frail romantic comedy from 
writer-director Alan Rudolph (produced 
by Robert Altman). Christie plays а one- 
time B-movie actress who spends most 
nights watching her old films on televi- 
sion and waiting for her errant husband 
(Nick Nolte) to come home. Не’з а build- 
ing contractor named Lucky, actually 2 
sort of repairman who lucks out with 
most of his female clients—particularly 
Lara Flynn Boyle, who plays a bored 
housewife with a career-obsessed hus- 
band (Jonny Lee Miller). By coinci- 
dence, Julie and Jonny Lee strike up an 
acquaintance while tracking their mates 
10 а hotel bar. The foursome's transgres- 
sions run a predictable course, but 
Christie's dazzling stint as a wry has- 
been makes it all worthwhile. ¥¥/2 


Rock singer Jon Bon Jovi bids for 
movie-star status in The Leading Man 
(BMG Independents). Under director 
John Duigan (whose credits include 
Sirens and Wide Sargasso Sea), Bon Jovi 
convincingly portrays a cool superstud 
from Hollywood who makes his London 


McCormack: Beauty in training. 


Fictional folk get real, 
performers play false and 
politicians risk scandal. 


stage debut in a new production by Eng- 
land's most prolific playwright (Lambert 
Wilson). Since the playwright is married 
and enjoying a torrid affair with the 
show's promising ingenue (Thandie 
Newton), the actor agrees to some sexu- 
al moonlighting—he'll seduce the au- 
thor's angry, lovely, neglected wife (Anna 
Galiena) to take her mind off her hus- 
band's infidelity. Turns out the husband 
gets jealous when his wife enjoys getting 
laid by the boy toy. Leading Man’s best of 
show are the women— Newton as the im- 
patient, wounded starlet in the wings, 
and Galiena as a wife so warm and sexy 
that no guy in his right mind would opt 
for a substitute, ¥¥¥ 


A slice of life in 16th century Venice їз 
played with gusto by Catherine McCor- 
mack, Rufus Sewell and Jacqueline Bis- 
set in Dangerous Beauty (Warner Bros.). 
McCormack, the beauty who was Mel 
Gibson's woman in Braveheart, gives a 
strong, spirited performance as Veronica 
Franco, a lady so famous in her time for 
using sex as a weapon that she had the 
most powerful Venetian males compet- 
ing for her favors. Well-born but not rich 
enough to marry the nobleman she loves 
(Sewell as the dashing Marco), she is in- 
structed by her mother (Bisset), once a 
courtesan herself, in the ways of the 
world. Veronica blossoms as the city's 
most coveted whore and even retains 
her hold on Marco after he finds a suit- 


able wife. She also winds up charged 
with witchcraft in the Inquisition, at 
which point Dangerous Beauly pauses for 
pure melodrama prior to a happy end- 
ing. All in all, producer-director Mar- 
shall Herskovitz delivers an intriguing 
vintage romance about a woman em- 
powered by her gender. ¥¥¥ 


A compelling clash of cultures in the 
wild Australian hinterlands fuels Dead 
Heort (Fox Lorber). Bryan Brown, co- 
producer and star, is a forceful presence 
in a tight spot as Ray Lorkin, the belea- 
guered, hard-drinking lawman who 
struggles to maintain order in a remote 
outpost called Wala Wala. Ray’s troubles 
pile up when a native prisoner is myste- 
riously hanged in his cell. Aboriginal 
justice demands revenge, and all hell 
breaks loose thereafter. The local pastor 
(Ernie Dingo) knows secrets he won't 
tell. Another native named Tony (Aaron 
Pedersen) is a handsome devil who ille- 
gally smuggles liquor to his fellow tribes- 
men and has nude romps in a sacred 
place with the bored wife (Angie Mil- 
liken) of the community's Australian 
teacher. When Tony shows up dead in 
what seems to be tribal retribution, Dead 
Heart becomes a cauldron of sex, mur- 
der and black-white enmity. Don't let the 
sometimes impenetrable accents deter 
you. A prize-winning play before it was 
brought to the screen, Dead Heart is a 
thoughtful, exotic sizzler. УУУУ: 


Satire, according to the playwright 
George S. Kaufman, is what closes on 
Saturday night. That may be a problem 
for Wag the Dog (New Line), director Bar- 
ry Levinson's timely political spoof about 
a U.S. president facing sex charges amid 
the public perception that he likes to fool 
around. In this pointed essay on the fick- 
le misuses of power, written by David 
Mamet and Hilary Henkin, the presi- 
dent is pretty much an offscreen charac- 
ter, away on a foreign mission. His han- 
dlers scheme to keep him away until the 
scandal can be defused. With an illustri- 
ous cast headed by Robert De Niro as 
the emergency spin doctor and Dustin 
Hoffman as a Hollywood movie produc- 
er and one of the president's pals, the 
backstage conniving takes on a topical 
glow. Anne Heche plays a presidential 
aide, with Woody Harrelson, Willie Nel- 
son, Kirsten Dunst and Denis Leary 
keeping everything lively. Finally, the 
damage-control group is inspired to in- 
vent a minor war and a top-secret air- 
plane to protect the Oval Office. These 
guys will stop at nothing, including mur- 
der, to keep the chief executive out of 
hot water. While Wag the Dog inevitably 


16 


Nucci: Wet and working. 
OFF CAMERA 


The career of Danny Nucci, 29, 
has gone swimmingly since his 
stint as a submarine oflicer in 
Crimson Tide, which in turn won 
him a role as a Navy Seal in The 
Rock. He's at sea again as a roman- 
tic immigrant in the new, epic Ti- 
tanic. "It was a long, tough shoot, 
and I was wet a lot," Nucci recalls. 
"But I play Leonardo DiCaprio's 
buddy, and he's a master mimic. 
He had me on the floor laughing." 
Last year Nucci scored as а scene- 
stealing Lothario wooing Bette Mid- 
ler's daughter in That Old Feeling. 
Speaking to us on the phone 
"from a bed and breakfast in the 
middle of fucking nowhere," he 
was actually somewhere in New 
Mexico filming a comic Western 
called The Outfitters. Among other 
forthcoming credits are The Un- 
knoum Cyclist, about four friends оп 
а grueling bicycle ride for an AIDS 
charity, He also has the lead in 
Sugar, “playing a sexually addicted 
man whose family and girlfriend 
have him sent to a rehab clinic. I 
frequent brothels, have a mastur- 
bation room and spend thousands 
оп phone sex.” 

Nucci refers to himself as a quiet 
type, “a boring Hollywoodite who 
likes to sit home in front of the TV 
with my wife and kid and watch 
the Dallas Cowboys win.” Born in 
Austria (his parents were Italian, 
French, Spanish and Moroccan), 
he grew up in Queens and the San 
Fernando valley and wanted to 
be a pro athlete. “I liked football, 
but I was too small and not very 
good." At 14, he was doing volun- 
teer work at a telethon when the 
man who is still his manager hand 
ed him a business card, in case he 
wanted to give acting a try. Nucci 
is confident he made the right de- 
cision. “On Falcon Crest, for a year 
all I did was go up and down the 
stairs saying, ‘Hi, Dad.’ Now my 
о be the kind of actor peo- 
ple want to see—I mean, they'll go 
to a film because I’m in it.” 


holds your interest, the movie wobbles 
somewhere between dark inside jokes 
and calculated overstatement. ¥¥¥ 


Brazilian director Bruno Barreto's co- 
gent and provocative Four Days in Septem- 
ber (Miramax) re-creates a brief, blood- 
curdling episode in 1969 when some 
would-be terrorists decided to shake up 
the military regime by kidnapping the 
American ambassador to Brazil. As the 
victim, Ambassador Charles Burke El 
brick (Alan Arkin) brings a resigned 
philosophical dignity to his role as a 
hostage who knows he may take a bullet 
in the head at any moment. Point man 
among the rebel group is a journalist 
named Fernando (Pedro Cardoso) who 
considers himself an idealist and shud- 
ders at the thought that he may be cho- 
sen to exterminate Elbrick. The strength 
of Leopoldo Serran’s screenplay is its 
balanced view of all sides: the amateur- 
ish kidnappers, the cruel military pow- 
ers they oppose, the ambassador himself 
and the Secret Service agents closing in 
on the villa where the gang is holed up. 
Filmed in Rio with the sting of docu 
mentary truth, Four Days is a taut story 
about a band of naive revolutionaries 
who betray their ideals. ¥¥¥ 


Robert Duvall’s electric performance 
in The Apostle (October Films) cannot be 
denied. Duvall wrote, directed and co- 
produced this labor of love, casting him- 
selfasa renegade philandering preacher 
from Texas who flees to Louisiana after 
he kills his estranged wife's boyfriend in 
a fit of jealousy. Once away, he starts a 
fire-and-brimstone church, mostly for 
tural blacks, then waits for the law to 
catch up with him while he stomps and 
shouts to praise the Lord. Duvall fre- 
quently acts up a storm and is obvious 
ly unwilling to trim any excess footage. 
Despite a nice uncharacteristic stint Бу 
Farrah Fawcett as the harried wife 
and a cameo by Billy Bob "Thornton as 
a convert, Apostle is atmospheric but 
overworked—an ego trip that lasts too 
long. ¥¥ 


Director Barbet Schroeder's Desperate 
Measures (TriStar) is a standard but solid 
suspense thriller in which Michael 
Keaton is cast against type as a criminal 
psychopath whose bone marrow is com- 
patible with that of a dying boy. The 
boy's father (Andy Garcia) is a San Fran- 
cisco cop who must keep the homicidal 
madman zlive, even after he escapes 
from the hospital as the life-saving oper- 
ation is about to begin. Such stuff makes 
for a far-fetched action drama. With 
Marcia Gay Harden up-to-speed in this 
fast company as the sick boy's intrepid 
doctor, Schroeder's film makes a big-city 
hospital look like a firing range. ¥¥/2 


MOVIE SCORE CARD 


capsule close-ups of current films 
by Bruce williamson 


Afterglow (See review) OK, but most 
of the glimmer is from the luminous 
Julie Christie. Wh 
The Apostle (See review) Duvall has the 
spirit but needs a tougher editor. ¥¥ 
Boogie Nights (11/97) The Los Angeles 
scene back when porno was chic. УУУ 
Dangerous Beauty (Sce review) Whores 
d'oeuvres in Venice several centuries 
ago. wy 
Dead Heart (See review) Cultures min- 
gle and clash on a sunbaked Aus- 
tralian outpost. WI) 
Deceiver (1/98) A lie detector tests the 
mettle of two cops and a suspect. ¥¥¥ 
Deconstructing Harry (See review) 
Woody as a writer haunted by his 
best-sellers and angry women. УУУУ: 
Desperote Measures (See review) 
Michael Keaton looking good as the 
bad guy. Wh 
Four Days in September (See review) 
The 0.5. ambassador to Brazil held 
hostage. УУУ 
Goad Will Hunting (1/98) А streetwise 
Boston tough is also a genius. ҰҰУУ 
Hugo Pool (12/97) Not quite in the 
swim with Downeys Jr. and Sr. УМУ, 
The Leading Man (See review) Yikes! 
That's Bon Jovi center stage as the 
womanizer. yyy 
Live Flesh (1/98) Cops’ wives seduced 
by the ex-con the wives sent to jail in 
a fanciful Spanish love story by 
Almodóvar. Wh 
Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil 
(Listed only) Eastwood directs this 
deft take on the book about murder 
and mores in Savannah. ww 
Oscar and Lucinda (1/98) A church 
made of glass symbolizes their fine 
romance. Wh 
The Sweet Hereafter (1/98) Local 
tragedies in the wake of a school-bus 
accident ww 
Swept From the Sea (12/97) A helping of 
love and loss ashore for a ship- 
wrecked sailor. yyy 
Titantic (Listed only) Romance at sea 
with Winslet and DiCaprio in a 
lengthy cinematic spectacular УУУ 
Wag the Dog (See review) Ап over- 
sexed U.S. president in serious need 
of damage control. ET 
Welcome fo Sorajevo (12/97) Wartime 
chaos in the ruins of the onetime 
Olympic paradise. Wa) 
The Wings of the Dove (12/97) Vintage 
Jamesian tale done to a turn. УУУ 
The Winter Guest (1/98) Emma Thomp- 
son and her actress mother heat up 
the dialogue on а witheringly cold 
day in Scotland. » 


YYYY Don't miss 
УУУ Good show 


YY Worth a look 
¥ Forget it 


VIDEO 


"| like porno and I'm not 

ashamed to say it." So con- 

fesses Drew Carey, 

whose hit ABC 

sitcom remains 

a family-hour 

hit. When nam- 

ing his favor- 

ite not-quite- 

ready-for-prime- 

time picks, 

Carey 

sounds more 

like an oenophile discussing vin- 

tages. ^1 like the gonzo genre—or what 

I call porno verité—in which the actors ac- 
knowledge the camera while they're hav- 
ing sex. Also the films of John Leslie, like 
The Voyeur2, which are carefully edited 
and always interesting." Carey also appre- 
ciates high-end smut, such as the arty 
рот of Michael Ninn (Sex, Parts I and I). 
“They re stylized and saturated in colors,” 
he says, “with virtually no dialogue. Not 
qood masturbation films, but beautiful to 
look at." Spoken like a pro. DONNA COE 


VIDBITS 


If Titanic and the Jurassic Parks have you 
itching to learn more about the be- 
hemoths of land and sea, A&E is your 
best bet. Dinosaur (four volumes, $59.95) 
tracks Barney s ancestors from the 1824 
discovery ofa giant fossilized tooth to to- 
day's Spielberg-inspired rediscoveries. 
Walter Cronkite hosts. Titanic (four vol- 
umes, $59.95) logs in a meticulous, mo- 
ment-by-moment replay of the century's 
most notorious sea disaster. To order, call 
800-625-9000. . . . Eat your heart out, 
Nick at Nite. From New Video comes The 
Very Best of the Bob Newhart Show (six tapes, 
$79.95) and The Very Best of the Mary Tyler 
Moore Show (seven tapes, $99.95). Bob's 
set features 12 episodes, including the 
tear-jerking finale, and Mary’s boasts 14 
shows, among them “Chuckles Bites the 
Dust,” which was recently named by 71 
Guide as the greatest sitcom episade of all 
time. Call 800-3 14-8822. 


COMEBACK KIDS 


When you go from the top of the Holly- 
wood heap to the bottom, it’s a long haul 
back up. Only a few have made that tri- 
umphant star trek: 

John Travolta: The comeback poster boy. 
Reduced to TV flicks and the occasional 
Look Who's Talking, Travolta rose from 
the ashes with his Oscar-nominated hit 
man in Pulp Fiction (1994). 

Тот Hanks: After Big (1988) he went small 


(The burbs, Joe Versus the Volcano, The 
Bonfire of the Vanities). But then he went 
two for two—an Oscar for each—with 
Philadelphia (1993) and Forrest Gump 
(1994). 

Eddie Murphy: From 1989 to 1995 he 
tanked with dud after dud after dud 
(Harlem Nights, Another 48 Hrs., Vampire 
in Brooklyn). Only a bull’s-eye such as The 
Nutty Professor (1996) could bring him 
back. It did. 

Marlon Brando: Overweight and over- 
bearing, he couldn't live down his gig as 
Vito Corleone in The Godfather (1972). So 
he lived it up, spoofing the Don in the 
mob satire The Freshman (1990). 

Julia Roberts: Her post-Pretty Woman 
bomb run (Hook, Prét-d-Porter, Mary Reil- 
ly) was ended by last summer's double 
whammy, My Best Friend's Wedding and 
Conspiracy Theory. Welcome back. 

Peter Fonda: He was limited to goofy, 
drug-addled cameos—surfer dude in Es- 
cape From L.A. (1996), stoned grandpa in 
Love and a .45 (1994)—but 19975 Ulee's 
Gold proved that the uneasy rider inher- 
ited the family chops after all. 

Jon Voight: An Oscar for Coming Home 
(1978) and then . . . not much. Bi 
since playing Tom Cruise's du 
boss in Mission: Impossible (1996), Voight 
and his silver ponytail are everywhere. 
Jack Palance: Back-to-back Academy 
Award nominations—Sudden Fear (1952) 
and Shane (1953)—led to B movies and 
woeful Westerns. Then Old Jack played 
the crusty Curly in Billy Crystal's City 
Slickers (1991). At 72, he finally lassoed 
his Oscar. — BUZZ MCCLAIN 


VIDEO CLAY FEET 


Nick Park's Wallace and Gromit are fast. 
gaining on the Ab Fab girls as England's 
favorite video duo. Now Fox has leashed 
together a video gift set ($25) of the Clay- 
mation man- 
and-dog act 
that features. 


three of their. 

top romps— 

A Grand Day 

Ouf, A Close. 

Shove and 

The Wrong 

Trousers. Watch them alone and show 
them to your kids—then try to figure out 
who enjoyed them more. 


LASER FARE 


Perfect for Valentine's Day: Image has 
bundled together four musicals (The 
Love Parade, Monte Carlo, One Hour With 
You and The Smiling Lieutenant) and two 
comedies (Trouble in Paradise and Design 
for Living) directed by Ernst Lubitsch, 
who helped define the sophisticated, 
stylish romantic comedies of the late 
Twenties and early Thirties. Featuring 
trademark performances by, among oth- 
ers, Jeanette MacDonald and Maurice 
Chevalier, The Lubitsch Touch (five platters, 
$190) shows off the director's mastery 
over pre-Production Code sexuality 
with the generous use of suggestive sym- 
bolism and provocative imagery. 

— GREGORY P. FAGAN 


BLOCKBUSTER 


COMEDY 


Air Force One (Russki nutjob Gory Oldmon hijacks prez Hor- 
rison Ford—who kicks ass chief-exec style), Contact (space 
calls, Jodie Foster answers yes to interstellar invite; muddled 
but engaging spin on Sagan's swan song). 


Nothing to Lose (cuckold Tim Robbins tokes carjacker Mortin 
Lawrence on joyride; lots of loughs, then gas runs ош), 
George of the Jungle [ope-man Brendon Froser rescues sofori 
bobe from lion and dorky fioncé; harmless) 


Picture Perfect (ad exec Jennifer Aniston stumbles into loopy 
love triangle; friendly fun for movie dates), In the Company of 
Men (two white-collar cads target a десі womon for sport- 
boffing; riveting, unflinching trip to the dork side). 


SLEEPER 


Brossed Off (Yorkshire cool-town denizens find hope in locol 
horn blowers; uplifting Commitments-meets-Sousa offair), 
187 (shell-shocked schoolteocher Samuel L. Jockson vs. psy- 
chotic gongbangers; coll it To Sir With Uzis). 


Shall We Dance? (Joponese number cruncher finds joyful re- 
leose in doncing; light, chorming gavotte), When the Car's 
Away (waifish Gorance Clovel searches neighborhood for 
lost kitty in breezy tour of Parision eccentricity). 


18 


ROCK 


TO UNDERSTAND the greatness of Bob Dyl- 
an's Time Out of Mind (Columbia), you 
should know his early albums. It's been 
said that this is the first album by an 
ovcr-50 rocker that dwells on death. But 
Dylan was obsessed with death on his 
first album, released 36 years ago. The 
difference is that he now takes death 
more personally, as do his core listeners. 
Similarly, it's plausible to admire the new 
songs (especially the beautiful Make You 
Feel My Love and the harrowing Loue 
Sick) for their emotional clarity. But Dyl- 
an's first three albums had plenty such 
songs. In tone and structure, Time Ош of. 
Mind draws heavily on the folk and blues 
sir Dylan learned in his youth. This 
reflects, for perhaps the first time 
in in his career, a tremendous continuity. 
Bob Dylan's best records are the antith- 
eses of record production. They sus- 
tain our interest because they're made 
crudcly yet thcir spirit is overwhelming. 
Time Out of Mind is the first timc in 20 
years that Dylan has sustained that fecl- 
ing for an entire album. 

Mike Watt's Contemplating the Engine 
Room (Columbia) presents a rock opera 
in the tradition of Tommy and The Wall 
(including World War Two plot elements 
and psychedelic guitars). Even when not 
slashing away like vintage Minutemen 
(as it does on The Bluejackels’ Manual), 
this is powerful and emotionally con- 
nected music about fathers, sons, friends 
and neighbors. — DAVE MARSH 


In the two decades since Joan Jett 
started her career as a teenager playing 
guitar for the Runaways, she has played 
rock and roll with a vision rivaled in its 
single-mindedness only by AC/DC. She 
does one thing perfectly, and she’s never 
seen any reason to try anything else. 
That one thing is making music with two 
guitars, bass, drums and big-time atti- 
tude. No experiments, no obscure mes- 
sages, no syrup in her sentiment, no is- 
sues beyond the personal. What she and 
her backup band, the Blackhearts, do 
have on Fitto Be Tied (Mercury), a greatest 
hits collection, are 15 terrific singles 
varying in length from 1:01 to 4:20 
Joan’s concerns range from loud dec- 
larations of her own badass existence 
(Cherry Bomb, Bad Reputation) to bitter 
criticism of you for your badass existence 
U Hate Myself for Loving You, Fake Friends) 
Beyond that, she really loves rock and 
roll. And she really wants you to touch 
her there—that's a command, not а re- 
quest, on Do You Wanna Touch Me? (Oh 
Yeah!). Oh yeah! 

After an unusual amount of turmoil, 
the Verve returns with Urban Hymns (Vir- 
gin), an album that falls somewhere be- 
tween Crowded House and Live. Sensi- 


Bob is back. So 
are Jackson, Janet 
and Joan Jett. 


tive, hypnotic, frosted with electronic 
weirdness, the hymns manage to inspire 
and lull simultaneously. And they have 
enough drive to satisfy the noodle danc- 
ers at your next rave. 

— CHARLES M. YOUNG 


Maybe if I knew more about the tech- 
no flavors of the month, I wouldn't think 
Spring Heel Jack was so special. But I 
know enough to recognize a good band. 
Ashley Wales is the raving electro wiz 
who attends every UK new-music pre- 
miere. John Coxon is the pop pro who 
makes sure things don't get too forbid- 
ding. There are по vocalists in Spring 
Heel Jack, and despite a fondness for 
string sounds, there isn't much fluff. 
What you hear are rock synth noises 
over superfast drumbeats, augmented 
by rumbling subbasses and electronic 
carillon. They sure sound like composi- 
tions to me. I'm not betting the college 
fund, but I doubt you'll find much like it 
out there. The U.S. debut was 68 Million 
Shades. Визу Curious Thirsty (Island) is less 
danceable, but just as good. 

—ROBERT CHRISTGAU 


If Bob Dylan reminded male pop mu- 
sicians to use their intellects, Jackson 
Browne showed them they could ex- 
plore their emotions and not seem like 
wimps. The Next Voice You Hear: The Best 
of Jackson Browne (Elektra) is light-years 
ahead of what passes as confessional 
songwriting today. Browne took on spir- 


itual blindness in Doctor My Eyes and 
drew intimate portraits in Fountain of 
Sorrow. His music always mirrors his 
emotional revelations, and he can write a 
political song with heart. 

For two decades, Midnight Oil has 
been Australia’s answer to the Clash and 
U2. Like the Clash, Oil's stance on native 
rights, the environment and the abuse of 
power ranges from heartfelt to strident. 
And like U2, Midnight Oil seems des- 
perate to make every song an anthem. 
20,000 Watt RSL (Columbia) is an 18-track 
retrospective that shows the band at 
its best. —VICGARBARINI 


Janet Jackson's The Velvet Rope (Virgin) 
is the work of a pop star trying to stay 
hip. Despite her calculation, she suc- 
ceeds. Like all pop divas, Jackson is chal- 
lenged to project a larger-than-life per- 
sona while staying on top of trends. 
Aided by the versatile Jimmy Jam and 
Terry Lewis, Velvet Rope has a slick ve- 
neer that uses hip-hop sampling, retro 
dance beats, trip-hop ambience and a 
touch of Alanis Morissette. As interludes 
between the songs, monologs and skits 
pull the listener out of the music. The al- 
bum standout is What About, which be- 
gins as a romantic walk on the beach and 
then becomes an angry, explicit rant. 
The only real clunker here is Jackson's 
version of Rod Stewart's Tonight’s the 
Night. Her wispy voice simply doesn't do 
it justice. —NELSON GEORGE 


R&B 


La-La Means I Love You (Arista) by the 
Delfonics is a perfect anthology of sweet 
late-Sixties soul. It offers romance in a 
falsetto swoon while making 20 argu- 
ments in favor of the production genius 
of Thom Bell and the smooth singing 
prowess of William Hart. —DAvE MARSH 


WORLD 


More than 700 years ago, Persian mu- 
sic found its way into the Indian royal 
courts, contributing to the development 
of vocal styles such as gawwali and instru- 
ments such as the sitar and tabla. That 
is why Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan’s voice 
echoed both Middle Eastern and Indian 
sounds. The music of these Indo-Euro- 
pean cousins comes together on Ghazal: 
Lost Songs of the Silk Road (Shanachie). An 
expert spike fiddle player joins with sitar 
and tabla masters to create mesmerizing 
improvisational music. — vic GARBARINI 


Bally Sagoo's Rising From the East (Tri- 
Star) is a product of the UK's fascinating 
melting pot. The DJ meshes his E: 
Asian sensibility with hip-hop and jungle 


to create a fresh, idiosyncratic approach 
to dance music. —NELSON GEORGE 


COUNTRY 


*My mother's husband is a pretty 
good guy /They were lovers since before 
my daddy died." begins one ditty on 
Lonesome Bob's Things Fall Apart (Check- 
ered Past, 3940 North Francisco, Chica- 
go, IL 60618), which ends up being 
about compromise, not revenge. A New 
Jersey native buried hip-deep in the 
Nashville underground, Bob mines 
country music for its darkest truths. Al- 
50, he rocks. —ROBERT CHRISTGAU 


Dean Miller is the son of songwril 
er Roger Miller. Dean, who arrived in 
Nashville in 1990, has written morc than 
300 original songs. The sincere, straight- 
ahead results are celebrated on his de- 
but, Deen Miller (Capitol). Nowhere, USA 
features guest vocalist Raul Malo of the 
Mavericks. It's а jangly anthem that 
salutes the values of Roger Miller's 
hometown, Erick, Oklahoma. Wake Up 
and Smell the Whiskey is a more traditional 
fiddle-laced honky-tonker. But the stun- 
пег is Dreams, a tender ballad about love 
in the rearview mirror. Dean Miller does 
the King of the Road proud. 

At 92, Mindy McCready sings with sass 
and seasoning. She cuts through adult 
themes, as on the title track of If 1 Don't 
Stay the night (BINA), and she puts her 
gospel roots to use on Cross Against the 
‘Moon. But the album’s biggest winner їз 
the sexy Oh Romeo, replete with Phil 
Spector=style background singers. 

— DAVE HOEKSTRA 


JAZZ 


Though no longer a major jazz capi- 
tal, Kansas City is still home to notewor- 
thy singers. Karrin Allyson’s Daydream 
(Concord) seems at first to be headed for 
the soft-focus indolence of the title track. 
Then she redeems things with a touch of 
Brazil, a medley of Thelonious Monk 
tunes and guest solos by Gary Burton 
Still, Daydream lacks creative variety. Al- 
lyson's capable of more. | —NEILTESSER 


CLASSICAL 


Grandiosity can have its place. Hector 
Berlioz is regarded as a grandiose (per- 
haps even excessive) composer. There 
are overblown moments in his oratorio 
Enfance du Christ (Harmonia Mundi), but 
Philippe Herreweghe’s expert direction 
reveals Berlioz’ luminous Romanticism: 
Richard Wagner wrote Siegfried in Paris 
about the same time Berlioz was there. 
London Records remastering of Sir Georg 
Solti's reading of the opera takes bom- 
bast to а magical level. Birgit Nilsson is a 
great Brünnhilde. —LEOPOLD FROEHLICH 


FAST TRACKS 


OC K 


Christgau 


METER 


George | March 


Jackson Browne 
The Next Voice. 
You Hear. 


o 


Bob Dylon 
Time Out of Mind 


Janet Jackson 
The Velvet 


Joan Jett 
Fit to Be Tied 


Spring Heel Jack 
Curious Thi 


хо joo Io |o jn 


о |9 јо IN 

Nx [a jo о 
чс |o л О |o 
о [о [о |с [о 


KISS AND TELL DEPARTMENT: Kiss has set 
its sights on Tinseltown and hopes to 
have a docudrama out this ycar to 
complement another album and tour. 
"The idea is to have actors act and Kiss 
do its own music. We thought Kiss al- 
ready vas acting. 

REELING AND ROCKING: After many fits 
and starts, the Janis Joplin bio starring 
Melissa Etheridge has started filming. . . . 
Babyface and his wife, Tracey Edmonds 
(hot off of Soul Food), are producing a 
IV series for Fox called Schoolin’. 

NEWSBREAKS: A musical based on Jim 
Morrisor's Celebration of the Lizard and 
some of the Doors’ classic songs is being 
developed by the San Diego Reperto- 
ry Theater for a premiere in late 1998 
or carly 1999. A live performance of 
Celebration is on the four-CD boxed 
Doors set released last fall. . . . Check 
out the rock supersite Rocktropolis 
(www.rocktropolis.com), an Internet 
music channel with re; 
and live concert cybercasts, and its on- 
line music magazine, Allstar. 
tal Domain, which made videos for 
the Stones, has signed on to create a 
staged, ride-like exhibit for Paul Allen's 
Experience Music Project in Seattle, 
called The Artist's Journey. It will 
merse the audience in a multimedia 
experience. Look for it in 1999. . 
The Dead plan to perform without Jer- 
ry Garcia for the first time on New 
Year's Eve 1999. The show will mark 
the opening of the interactive Ter- 
rapin Station, described by the editor 
of the band’s official newsletter as 
“equal parts interactive museum, sen- 
sory playground and social-cultural 
laboratory.” It will house a holograph- 
ically enhanced dancehall, a live-per- 
formance room, a recording archive 
(which will allow fans to create custom 
CDs), a fan art exhibit and a research 


center for music scholars. To help pay 
for this ambitious project, the Dead 
released a limited-edition three-CD 
set of their songs. . . - Etta James’ music 
joins that of Prince, Elvis and the Beach 
Boys as sources for ballets. Suite Etta 
opened in San Francisco to good re- 
views. Tell Mama. . . . Percussionists 
Don Alias and Jack DeJohnette, both 
Miles Davis alums, һаус teamed up оп 
Talking Drummers, a videofest of play- 
ing and reminiscing on Homespun 
Tapes. It's the first in a series. Call 
800-338-2737 for more info. . . . Look 
for new albums any second from: Егіс 
Clapton, Bonnie Raitt, Seal, Madonna, Don 
Henley and the Beastie Boys. . . . Paula 
Abdul plans to resume recording this 
year on Mercury. . . . Sinéad O'Connor 
joined composer Jeseph Vitarelli to 
score a play about two families in 
Northern Ireland. She appears with 
the Chieftains on the soundtrack for a 
four-part PBS documentary, The Irish 
in America. Elvis Costello and Van Morri- 
son are also heard. . .. Check your 
copy of Bob Dylan's album Biograph. 
You may have a collector's item on 
your hands. About 5000 copies of the. 
reissued disc were shipped with er- 
гог. They have the wrong versions of 
ГИ Be Your Baby Tonight and I Don't Be- 
lieve You - Billy Joel wants to 
follow Pau! Simon to Broadway with a 
musical based on his hits. Jimmy Buffett, 
Randy Newman, Pete Townshend and, 
yes, Barry Manilow also have produc- 
tions opening or in various stages 
of development. . . . Last, The Practi- 
cal Guide to Practically Everything 1998 
has a generational jukebox to help 
Boomers figure out the Nineties, mu- 
sically. Here are some examples: If 
you like Joni Mitchell, try Paula Cole; Pat- 
sy Cline, Deana Carter; Blondie, the Cardi- 
gans. You get the picturc. 
—BARBARANELLIS | 


The way we play, winner 


takes all 


Loser gets jack. 


22 


WIRED 


TOONS 2000 


Fans of The Simpsons know satirist Harry 
Shearer as the voices of Mr. Burns and 
Principal Skinner, among others. Re- 
cently Shearer donned a motion-sensi- 
tive suit (like the one pictured below) 
that fed his body and facial movements 
to a computer. Instantly, the computer 
used the motion data to animate a cast of 


wacky characters, including cartoons of 


President Clinton and Vice President 
Gore. The technology is called Real 
Time Animation, and it was used to cre- 
ate an HBO pilot produced with the 
help of Modern Cartoons, an animation 
studio in Venice, California. According 
to Modern Cartoons’ president, Chris 
Walker, RTA has the potential to trans- 
form the entertainment industry. Aside 


from being economical (“RTA could cut 
in half the budgets of movies like Who 


Framed Roger Rabbit,” says Walker), the 
technology offers a spontaneity you 
can’t get with traditional animation. 
“The actors who are wired respond to 
direction and can improvise,” he says. 
“They laugh, and the cartoon characters 
they're playing laugh too." Walker envi- 
sions a future in which RTA is used to 
put popular animated characters "on the 
talk-show circuit or in programs similar 
to Alf, which combined live action and 
nonhuman characters." 


DIVX: JUST SAY “OH NO!” 


We are generally enthusiastic about 
emerging technology, but the constant 
introduction of new—and incompati- 
ble—formats ticks us off. Witness DiVX, 
Digital Video Express System, a CD- 
sized digital video disc format backed 
largely by Circuit City. DiVX was an- 
nounced m fall 1997 as an alternative to 
DVD. If you've never seen a DVD movie, 
be assured that the picture and sound 
quality contained on the five-inch discs 
are exceptional. So why do we need 


something new? We don't, 
but movie studios stand to 
benefit considerably from the 
odd rental structure of DiVX 
technology. Instead of buying 
a five-inch DiVX movie, 
you'll pay a $5 fee, which al- 
lows you to watch the film as 
often as you like within 48 
hours. After that, you can ac- 
cess the disc again only if you 
pay another rental fce or buy 
the movie outright (the addi- 
tional cost has not been estab- 
lished). You register your 
choices on the DiVX player, 
which is connected by mo- 
dem to a phone line. As with 
pay-per-view movies, you're 
billed every month for extra 
DiVX viewings or purchases. 
What's more, DiVX machines 

will play DVDs, but the reverse is 

not true. If you're one of the 
100,000 or so consumers who've 
bought a DVD player, you're out of 
luck. DiVX is expected to be intro- 
duced later this ycar. We can wait. 


the Playboy Interview Collection), you can 
click your way through thousands of 
photographs of Playmates. Looking for 
interaction? Check out the Playboy Cy- 
ber Club's newsgroup exchanges or log 
on to chats, where you can trade wit and 
wisdom with a rLAYBOY editor, or ask 
your favorite Playmate that all-impor- 
tant question: "Do you prefer men 
bearded or clean shaven?" (It comes up 


WE VIEW IT FOR THE ARTICLES 


Call ita shameless plug, but membership 
in the Playboy Cyber Club (cyber. 
playboy.com) definitely has privileges. In 
addition to having access to vast 
amounts of archival material (including 


а 101.) There's even a virtual Playboy 
Mansion (pictured), where you can chat 
with other members in cartoon-charac- 
ter form. The price: $6.95 per month or 
$60 per year. 


ee WILD THINGS - 


Looking for an electronic organizer that can fit just about anywhere—including your 
wallet? Check out REX PC Companion. Pictured below in actual size, REX is a PC card 
that stores phone numbers, addresses, schedules and even spreadsheets downloaded 
from your computer. You can connect REX directly to a PC card slot or buy the top-of- 
the-line model, which comes with a docking station (also sold separately) that plugs in- 
to your PC’s serial port. The price: $130 to $180, depending on features. ® We love 
receiving updates on Manticore Products’ latest Gallery MousePads. Some of 

this year's include Cézanne's Nudes in Landscape, Monet's The Boat 

Studio and Colored Campbell’s Soup by Andy Warhol. Also new 

from Manticore cre Gallery Computer Fonts inspired by 

the signatures of the masters. Salvador Dali and 

Frank Lloyd Wright are two of the first in 

this series. There's even matching 

Gallery Laser Stationery, 
so you can write a letter 
in, say, the Dali font and 
Print it out on paper fea- Y 
turing the artist's melting 
docks from Disintegration of \ 
the Persistence of Memory. 
Other cool stationery: The | 
Scream (Edvard Munch), The 
Thinker (Auguste Rodin) and | 
gargoyles from Notre Dame \ 
Cathedral. The mousepads cost \ 
$16 each, the fonts are $25 and | 
the stationery is $16 for 40 printed \ 
sheets and 20 matching envelopes. 


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SURGEON GENERAL'S WARNING: Quitting Smoking 
Now Greatly Reduces Serious Risks to Your Health. 


16 mg. “tar”, 1.1 mg. nicotine av. 
per cigarette by FTC methed. 


5 Drivers. 
5 Races. 


5 Million 
up for grabs. 


Daytona, Charlotte, Indy, Darlington, Talladega. 
You could win a million too. See stores to enter. 


(©1998 RJ. REYNOLDS TOBACCO СО. 


TRAVEL 


GET PAMPERED AT 35,000 FEET 


If you have a monster travel budget, a bazillion frequent-flier 
miles or really want to impress a date, several airlines now of- 
fer superluxe accommodations on their international flights. 
"The best choice? British Airways, which eases the pain of 
ten-hour Los Angeles-to-London treks ($9900) with private 
minicabins (there are two for couples) and seats that recline 
into 66” beds (pajamas are included). Plus, you can order 
“room service"— presented on pull-up tables with linen and 
china—any time. Air France's L'Espace 180 (Los Angeles to 
Paris, 10 hours, $9872) boasts roomy, fully reclining seats 
and a separate smokers’ bar. Air New Zealand serves fine 
wines in a cabin turned fine dining room on routes such 
as Los Angeles to Sydney (15 hours, $8000). South African 
Airways, the only carrier offering daily nonstop flights from 
Miami and New York to Johannesburg and Cape Town (15 
hours, $8254), features “stratosleepers” with adjustable back 
supports and 62- 
inch seat pitches. 
Swissair (Los An- 
geles to Zurich, 11 
hours, $8456) is 
the first to include 
the Interactive 
Flight Technologies 
entertainment sys- 
tem, which gives 
passengers access 
to 20 movies, 60 
hours of music and 
several computer 
games. Japan Air- 
lines first-class section on flights from New York to Tokyo (14 
hours, $9670) has a $95,000 lavatory (nearly twice the size of 
a standard airplane loo) that features a window and gold-plat- 
ed fixtures. United Airlines’ Chicago-to-Hong Kong flight is 
one of the longest nonstops (16 hours, $8109). Upon landing 
you'll be whisked by a concierge to the Red Carpet Club, 
where you can shower and have your suit pressed and shoes 
shined. And Virgin Atlantic Airways recently opened the Vir- 
gin Touch airport salon (for massages, aromatherapy and 
manicures) in Boston’s Logan Airport. 


NIGHT MOVES: SYDNEY, AUSTRALIA 


Sydney, which boasts the most beautiful harbor and the best 
beaches in the world, has nightlife to match. As the sun sets 
over the water, enjoy the view with cocktails and jazz at the 
Harbourside Brasserie (Hickson Road, Walsh Bay) or at the 
Basement (99 Reiby Place). A five-minute walk brings you to 
the Rocks, where pubs such as the Lord Nelson Brewery Ho- 
tel (19 Kent Street) and the Australian Hotel (100 Cumber- 
land) brew their own beers. Hungry? Ride a ferry to Doyle's 
(11 Marine Parade) for fresh fish or to Watermark (2A, the Es- 
planade, Balmoral Beach), which combines fantastic views 
with Australian-Asian cuisine. If it's Friday night, and you 
want to see sophisticated, professional Sydney wind down, 
head to Bar Luca (52 Phillip Street) to mingle vith the futures 
traders. Or try Sydney's classy new restaurant Banc (53 Mar- 
tin Place) for fabulous French fare. A more relaxed—but still 
trendy—spot is the Edge (60 Riley Street, East Sydney), fa- 
mous for its pizza. In Surrey Hills there's Bills 2 (355 Crown 
Street), a great joint that has patrons lined up each night for 
its East-meets-Aussie delights. You can dance later at the chic 
Goodbar (11A Oxford Street), or try Kinsela's (883 Bourke 
Street), a raucous, multilevel party place. Cap the night with 
a stroll on the balmy beach—without thinking of the nasty 


24 winter you left behind. 


— — GREAT ESCAPE 
GOLFING ON MAUI AND KAUAI 
The Hyatt folks take golf seriously, and nowhere with as 
much style as in Hawaii. On Maui, the luxurious Hyatt Re- 
gency sits adjacent to the Ka'anapali course, where the 
PGA Seniors play the Ka'anapali Classic. Before your 
round, it pays to visit the golf fitness center, which offers a 
regimen based on the body-straightening theories of Pete 
Egoscue. The exercises help promote a golf swing that 


ота” = 


puts less stress on your body and provides. 

a smoother action, too. On Kauai, the 

Poipu Bay Resort is a sprawling, low-rise 

wonder of captured streams, tropical gar- 

dens, seductive terraces and first-class res- 

taurants. Hiding amid the tropical flora is a spa, 

where workouts can be followed by therapeutic mas- 
sages and a rinse-off in showers set outdoors in black lava 
rocks. The guest rooms are outstanding—even the com- 
plimentary bathroom stuff is great. You'll want to play the 
challenging Rohert Trent Jones Jr course (pictured here) 
early in the day. That way, if your swing lets you down, 
you Can return to the luxuries of a hotel that definitely 
lives up to its promise. 


ROAD STUFF 


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26 


THE LORDS 
OF THE BOARDS 


Are you hungry for col- 
lege hoops even after 
watching 900 televised 
games back-to-back? Do 
you relish knowing that 
Clemson finally beat Duke 
only after Tiger coach 
Rick Barnes told his team 
to “be motherfuckers”? Do 
you worship former Car- 
olina coach and now leg- 
end Dean Smith and that 
special hue called Caroli- 
na blue? Need to know 
if Coach К eats Special К 
for breakfast? If you an- 
swered yes even once, pick 
up John Feinstein's A March 10 Madness (Little, Brown), every- 
thing you need to know about the teams and coaches of the 
АСС. Soul of the Game (Workman/Melcher) is a tribute to street 
basketball. In it, John Huet's black-and-white portraits glorify 
the muscle, sweat, grace, beauty and defiance of Bedford- 
Stuyvesant's Jumpin’ Jack, Los Angeles’ Free and Arkansas 
Red, as well as the broken pavement and netless iron of Ruck- 
er Park and Soul in the Hole. The book includes street poet- 
ry, but nothing beats the in-your-face images of these superbly 
skilled men taking the rock to the hole. —GARY COLE 


MAGNIFICENT 
OBSESSIONS 


The 1998 calendars have something for you, including cigars 
and great-looking women. The itinerary for a cruise of road- 
side America and Route 66 in Car Culture Calender (Machine 
Age Inc.) includes vintage diners, cofés and sleek cars. The 
Secret Art of Seduction (Imagine Mogozine) fectures 12 
months of sexy women, five of whom ore PLAYBOY Playmates. 
If you've enjoyed Helmut Newtan's offbeat sensuality an our 
pages, Taschen has a diary and a calendar that feature his 
work. For something more prosaic, there ore 365 online ad- 
ventures in The Whole Internet page-o-doy calendar from 
Workmon. The editors of Smoke magazine affer 365 greot 
‘ones in Cigar (Warkmon). The Cigar Aficionado’s Appointment 
Diary (Running Press) provides a place to record your tastings 
and develop an index of your favorite brands. Befare you tee 
aff, check Golf Di- 
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How powerful has the $1.6 billion, 65,000-title audiobook 
business become? So powerful that Tom Wolfe surprised the 
book world by releasing his new novella, Ambush at Fort Bragg 
(BDD Audio), on tape before publishing it traditionally. To- 
day, most best-sellers are accompanied by the release of au- 
diotape versions. They range from John Berendt's Midnight in 
the Garden of Good and Evil (Random House Audiobooks) to Yeu 

ink: The Motley Foo! Guide to Investment (Si- 
. read by the authors, Thomas and 
David Gardner. Much of the audiobook market is made up of 
captive commuters, and God knows they need a laugh. Drew 
Cerey's Dirty Jokes and Beer (Simon & Schuster Audio) is culled 
from his bawdy stand-up routine. Or check out Dave Barry Is 
From Mars and Venus (Dove Audio), a collection of his columns. 
Paul Reiser is happy to tell you how to improve your relation- 
ship in Couplehood, or how to raise your children in Babyhood 
(BDD Audio). If you 
aren't getting enough 
you can listen to 
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Schuster Audio) by 
Keith Olberman and 
ESPN’s Dan Patrick on 
Monday morning. In- 
stead of scanning the 
radio for something 
worth listening to, try 
NPR's Star Wars series, 
Star Wars, The Empire 
Strikes Back and Return of 
the Jedi (Highbridge), 
with the original movie 
sound effects and Mark 
Hamill as Luke. The 
sketches from A Prairie 
Home Companion crackle with wit in Garrison Keillor's Comedy 
Theater (Highbridge). Distinctive voices make a difference, 
particularly in mystery audiotapes. You'll recognize the grav- 
elly voice of Darren McCavin on any of the tapes in John D. 
MacDonald's Travis McGee series, such as Bright Orange for the 
Shroud (Random House Audiobooks). Judy Kaye has been the 
voice of Sue Grafton's PI Kinsey Millhone for so long that it’s 
hard not to think of her as the character in Grafton's latest, “М” 
15 for Molice (Random House Audiobooks). For more informa- 
tion about audiobook publishers, dealers, rentals or clubs, 
contact Terry's World of Audiobooks on the Internet at http:// 
www.idsonline.com/terraflora/audio. — DIGBY DIEHL 


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28 


HEALTH & FITNESS 


TO STRETCH OR NOT TO STRETCH? 


That is the question. Once considered the best way to pre- 
vent injury, streiching may be out of vogue among elite 
athletes. Six-time Ironman Triathlon champ Mark 
Allen doesn't bother. Nor does distance trainer Stu 
Mittleman, who has jogged 
about 750,000 miles in his 
46 years without a serious 
injury. “Stretching a cold 
muscle is one of the best 
ways I know to hurt your- 
self,” he says. Exactly. You 

must warm up your mus- 

cles before you stretch. 


Ride the exercise bike, 
then take a hot shower. 


Not cool А =. 
" Ihe time to get maximum 
Don't confuse 5 
benefit from stretching— 
stretching with " > 
and avoid popped muscles 
© worm-up 


and tendons—is after you 
have exercised. Still, there 
сап be some benefit to pre- 
workout stretching. David 
Pearson, associate professor 
of physical education at Ball 
State University in Muncie, In- 
diana, points out that, done correct- 
ly, the right warm-up can increase blood 
circulation, lengthen muscles and allow a better 
range of motion. 


TREAD ON ME 


1f you can have just one cardiovascular machine in your 
home, make it a treadmill. According to a 1996 study pub- 
lished in the Journal of the American Medical Associa- 
tion, "the treadmill is the optimal indoor exercise 
machine for enhancing energy expenditure." 
The study compared the heart rates of people 
who exercised on six different ma- 
chines: treadmill, stair-stepper, 
rower, cycle ergometer, Airdyne 
cycle and cross-country skier. 
Unfortunately, too many 
people buy inexpensive 
models that are under- 
powered, uncomfortable 
and flimsy. According to 
Richard Miller, the own- 
er of the Gym Source 
1 (which sells equipment 
ЕЕ © health clubs), “There 
= \ are two kinds of tread- 
5) 


mills—quality and gar- 
bage. You can't buy a 
ү decent one for much 

under $1500." Miller recom- 
mends using a machine that weighs at 
least as much as you do, with a large deck, steel frame and а 
good warranty. If your deterrent to exercise is boredom, in- 
vest in the Widcstride Duo 48 (scc photo above). You can run 
with a pal or your dog. 


WHY DIE OF EMBARRASSMENT? 


Colorectal cancer is the nation's number two cancer killer— 
1000 people die from it every week. Early detection raises the 


DR. PLAYBOY 


Q: Host weight and kept it off with the fen-phen combi- 
nation. Now that thc FDA has banned the drugs I'm 
having a tough time. How do I lose weight? 

А: First, do you need to lose weight? Compare your 
height and weight against doctors’ tables, not 
models in magazines. Then re- 

member that while fad diets come 
and go, one truth remains: To lose 
weight you must eat right and exercise. 
You can still have the occasional T-bone 
and pint of Häagen-Dazs—the trick is to 
eat them less often. Don't go from bacon to 
carrot sticks overnight. Give your senses 
and арреше time to reorient. Gradually 
introduce healthful low-fat foods. Switch 
from daily ice cream to low-fat frozen yo- 
gurt and then taper to a pint a weck. Avoid 
prepared foods, often high in fat and salt. 
Cook for yourself and start paying attention 
to labels. Check your liquor consumption, a 
big source of calories. Set realistic weight-loss 
goals, as little asa pound a week. And don't 
sneak up to Canada for your fen-phen. 'The 
stuff isn't safe. 


survival rate to 85 percent, but symptoms often go undetect- 
ed because testing can be invasive, inconvenient or embar- 
rassing. Now there's a clean, fast home test called Colocare. 
You simply drop a test pad into the toilet bowl and see if it 
turns blue (indicating blood in the stool). The product is FDA- 
cleared, inexpensive (about $7) and accurate. Buy it at lead- 
ing drugstores, or call 800-927-7776. 


NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTION 


If you're going to imbibe, the best way to avoid a hangover is 
to drink premium liquors. This from New Age medic Dr. An- 
drew Weil. "Whenever possible, choose quality brands," ex- 
horts Dr. Weil in Your Top Health Concerns. As we've 

always said, quality counts. 


DON'T BET ON IT 


Why talk about your problems when a 
pill can take care of them just as nice- 
ly? Psychiatrists now have a pill to 
cure compulsive gambling—they 
say. An eight-weck study took 19 re- 
lapsed Gamblers Anonymous mem- 
bers, gave them a drug used to 
treat obsessive-compulsive disor- 
der and monitored their behavior. 
Half dropped out of the study 
but seven ofthe remaining ten 
managed to stop gambling— 
at least temporarily. One “suc- 
cess story" who used to gamble all night in At- 

lantic City and shunned the entertainment is 
apparently reformed: "Now," he admits, "I would be inter- 
ested in going to watch a show." Uh, maybe longer-term stud- 
ies are needed. 


WHERE & HOW TO BUY CN PAGE 143. 


МЕМ 


he Beaver is sexy, spunky, smart 

and industrious. She is also ob- 
sessed with professional football, as are 
most of her girlfricnds. While I consider 
myself a fan of the game, I know I can't 
match the Beaver and her Beaverettes, 
the National Football League’s most com- 
mitted groupies. 

FYI, the Beav (as I call her) happens 
to be my significant other—for part of 
the year, anyway. From March to July, we 
do fairly well as a couple and I seem to 
be ai ¡portant person in her life. But 
starting with the opening of training 
camp in July and continuing through 
the Super Bowl in January and the Pro 
Bowl in February, my status as a man di- 
minishes in my own home as the Beav 
focuses her attention on her favorite 
football players. 

My dictionary says fanatic comes from 
the Latin fanaticus ("inspired by a deity, 
frenzied") and means "marked by exces- 
sive enthusiasm and often intense un- 
critical devotion." That would hold true 
for the Beav and her buddies. For seven 
monthsa year, they are totally captivated 
by burly guys in helmets and shoulder 
pads. (For example, the safest bet you 
can make about the 1998 Super Bowl is 
that the Beav will be watching it with en- 
thusiasm, along with millions of other 
women.) 

Consider these numbers, my fellow 
football widowers: According to the 
NFL, 50 million women watched the 
1997 Super Bowl and more than 40 mil- 
lion women watch professional football 
оп an average weekend. The NFL calcu- 
lates it has 23 million avid female fans 
(compared with a relatively puny 6.5 
million serious female fans for pro- 
fessional baseball). And the NFL's “Foot- 
ball 101" classes for women are drawing 
hordes of cager beavers, anxious to 
learn more about this sport that speaks 
to them unlike any other. Clearly, what 
we used to call football should now be 
called beaverball. 

What is happening here? I have in- 
terviewed the Beav and her Beaverettes 
extensively (during the off-season, of 
course) about this subject, and the fol- 
lowing truths have emerged: 

(1) Sex sells. In a masterpiece of politi- 
cally correct understatement, the NFL. 
lists 50 basic themes you can use in mar- 
keting football to women. Placed 49th on 
that list is the idea that women like to 
see professional football players in tight 


By ASA BABER 


SOME CALL IT 
BEAVERBALL 


pants. However, І can tell you with great 
authority that the pants (and the accom- 
panying butt shots on T V) should be list- 
ed first. All the women I talked with ad- 
mitted that watching football makes 
them horny, and stimulus number one is 
the sight of muscular butts in tight pants. 
Most beavers are here for the rears. 

(2) Interest in football starts early. Then it 
grows and changes. “Watching football is a 
great way to meet guys,” says the Beav. 
First, you play innocent and let them ex- 
plain the game to you. Men love to do 
that. ‘Why did the referee throw his 
handkerchief?’ and questions like that 
make them want to help you. But if that 
approach doesn’t work, you get serious 
and start yelling things like ‘Throw the 
goddamn ball’ and “That was zone cov- 
erage, you idiot.’ You become a buddy, i 
other words. Believe me, every man 
vulnerable to one of those two tactics. 
Early on, we use football as part of the 
dating game. But then something hap- 
pens and the sport grows on us and sud- 
denly we don't really care what men 
think about the game because we have 
our own opinions. Today, my winning 
percentage on football picks is better 
than that of any of the guys I know. Гат 
woman, hear me win.” 

(8) Coaches are love objects. My sources 
tell me that they fall in love with certain 
NFL coaches because they are older and 


supposedly wiser than their players. “I 
love Marv Levy,” says one Beavereue, 
“because he’s a father figure to me. I 
trust him and wish he'd take me home 
and adopt me. 1 love Dave Wannstedt 
because I feel sorry for him and want to 
case his pain. It also helps that I find him 
good-looking. I love Mike Ditka and I 
know I could have calmed him down 
when he was coaching the Bears. I also 
love Mike Holmgren because he’s cute 
and huggable and smart. We eyeball the 
coaches more than you'll ever know.” 

(4) NEL quarterbacks are major sex objects. 
I never met a Beaverette who didn't 
have a crush on one or more NFL quar- 
terbacks—crushes that they hold for 
years, even after the guys retire. “Per- 
sonally, I'm hot for Jim Kelly,” says a 
perky Beaverette who watches most of 
her football from a treadmill or Stair 
Master. “Win or lose, you have to love 
the guy. But I'm easy, and I'd sleep with 
almost any of them: Steve Young, Brett 
Favre, Jim Harbaugh—they’re all cute. I 
keep their pictures by my desk. They in- 
spire me.” 

(5) Aggression is the name of the game. 
Women admit that the naked aggression 
and legalized violence of football fasci- 
nate them. “It's like they get to do on the 
field what I want to do in the office,” says 
a friend of the Beav's. “There are times 
when I want to knock somebody down, 
but I can't in real life. So І watch the tube 
and pretend it's me. If I were a guy, ГА 
be a linebacker. Hitting things and get- 
ting paid for it sounds good to me.” 

(6) No female cheerleaders are ever to be al- 
lowed in beaverball. Having admitted to a 
sensual enjoyment of the game and an 
appreciation of pretty boys and stimulat- 
ing butt shots, all of the Beaverettes I 
interviewed were adamant in protest- 
ing the use of female cheerleaders in 
the NFL. “Remember when you griped 
about Mike McCaskey banning the Hon- 
ey Bears?" asked the Beav. “I say he did 
exactly the right thing. It's not called the 
National Cheerleader League, is it? You 
guys should be concentrating on the 
game and not watching a lot of babes 
with plastic boobs bouncing up and 
down, So shut up or we'll sue you for 
sexual harassment or something.” 

Beaverball. Don't you love it? 


29 


MONEY MATTERS 


By CHRISTOPHER BYRON 


f you had to guess which companies 

would do best in the age of infor- 
mation, you'd probably pick America's 
biggest and best-known media firms, 
right? Over the past 15 years, the global 
spread of personal technology—from 
laptops to satellite dishes, from cell 
phones to the World Wide Web—has ex- 
panded the market for information into 
what is rapidly becoming the biggest 
business on earth. 

Yet a careful look at the financial per- 
formance of this much-hyped sector of- 
fers some surprising cautions for any in- 
vestor looking to take a profitable ride 
down that information superhighway. 

In the media game, as elsewhere in 
business, bigger does not automatically 
mean better. In a time of rapid change, 
pursuing so-called economies of scale 
through the merger game—the abiding 
preoccupation of the media industry for 
more than a decade now—can in fact be 
downright rninons After all, what good 
will it do to own all the cable companies 
on earth if people wake up one morning 
and switch to satellite TV? 

That is one important reason that 
both Tele-Communications Inc. and 
Time Warner, the two largest cable oper- 
ators in America, have suffered weak 
stock prices. Both companies borrowed 
heavily to become giants in the cable 
game, only to discover that upstart satel- 
lite-dish companies are eating their 
lunch. Too bad, because the two compa- 
nies are stuck with the debts they took 
on to pay for that growth—growth that 
no longer produces the profit that justi- 
fied borrowing the money. 

These are not isolated problems. Me- 
dia companies as a whole have per- 
formed respectably from an investor's 
point of view over the past ten years. 
However, an analysis of the ten largest 
U.S. companies with holdings in various 
media shows that, as a group, they've 
done dreadfully. And these ten compa- 
nies control about 30 percent of the busi- 
ness. The two things that characterize 
these outfits: bloated, heavily indebted 
balance sheets and overpaid, self-enrich- 
ing bosses. 

At first blush returns look OK. Be- 
tween 1987 and 1997, during the great- 
est bull market of this century, the com- 
panies of America’s information industry, 
in the aggregate, gave investors a 14.7 
percent annual return on their money. 


80 That's pretty good by any standard, 


THE TROUBLE 
WITH BIG MEDIA 


closely tracking the 14.8 percent return 
for the companies of the S&P 500, and 
much better than the 8.2 percent annual 
return for the entire stock market. 

But if we look at just the ten largest 
multimedia companies, a completely 
different and more disturbing picture 
emerges. During the same period, these 
operations gave investors an average an- 
nual return of 6.5 percent, a figure 
sweetened by the strong performance of 
Disney, the biggest of the ten. And don't 
forget, these ten companies alone ac- 
counted for about one third of the mar- 
ket value of the entire industry. An in- 
vestor would have been better off buying 
a ten-year U.S. Treasury bond than this 
portfolio. 

In the main, the growth of the Ameri- 
can media industry has been financed 
with borrowed money—for big compa- 
nies and small companies alike. Bor- 
rowed money accounts on average for 
87 percent of the shareholder equity in 
firms ranging in size from pipsqueak 
outfits you never heard of to giants such 
as the Washington Post Co. (which falls 
just short of making it into the top ten) 

Yet the top ten outfits are much more 
heavily indebted than are the rest of the 
field, with borrowed money accounting 
for more than 92 percent of their share- 
holder equity. And the interest payments 
оп that debt load, which looks to total an 


8 
E 
E 
i 
Ё 
E 
4 


estimated $44 billion at latest tally, con- 
tinue to put a crimp on earnings and 
stock prices. 

Poor management puts another drag 
on stock prices. One good way to see that. 
is through changes in the top ten's so- 
called operating margin, i.e., how much 
pretax profit a company earns in its day- 
to-day operating business, In 1988 the 
top ten companies in the field had an zv- 
erage operating margin of 23.7 percent. 
"That means that for every $1 they col- 
lected in revenues, they wound up with 
just under 24 cents of operating profit. 
In 1997, the average operating profit 
stood at 18 cents on every dollar of rev- 
enues. A lesson? The bigger a company 
gets, the harder it becomes simply to run 
the business. 

Yet that hasn't stopped folks from 
pocketing unbelievable fortunes for 
themselves in the process. In 1988 total 
cash-and-stock compensation for the five 
top employees of each of the ten top me- 
dia companies in America were valued at. 
about $67 million. That seems rather 
generous in its own right, but it pales in 
comparison with the estimated $380 mil- 
lion figure for 1996—a sum equal to 19 
percent of their companies’ total net 
profits for that year. 

Michael Eisner, chairman of Walt Dis- 
ney Co., walked off with $8.5 million in 
cash in 1996—plus, as part of his new 
long-term contract, a stock options pack- 
age then valued at $195 million. By con- 
trast, Disney's stock rose only 14 percent 
that year even though the Dow Jones їп- 
dustrials average rose 28 percent. 

"The lesson for investors in all this? If 
you want to put your money in a media 
stock, forget about the companies that 
have dominated the media game for 
much of this century, and certainly in the 
postwar era. Look instead for a smaller, 
nimbler operation—one whose bosses 
don't spend all day arranging merger 
deals that fatten their wallets at the ех- 
pense of their shareholders. Besides, 
who knows, if you're lucky maybe that 
start-up company will get bought up by 
one of these supersize outfits, and you 
will wind up laughing all the way to 
the bank. 


You can reach Christopher Byron by e-mail 
at cbscoop@aol.com. 


SURGEON GENERAL'S WARNING: Smoking 
By Pregnant Women May Result in Fetal 
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11 mg. “tar”, 0.9 mg. nicotine av. per cigarette. hy FTC K 


| КОШТ 


7 ола 5 
Su Sp 


SOUR MASH 


b 


МАМ it's personal 


Hayman Island Getaway 


If you wont to get oway from it all and still 
have every luxury available to you, head to 
Hayman Island, с resort on Australia’s 
Great Barrier Reef. This self-contained re- 
treat features vast expanses of beaches, six 
restaurants, every conceivable water sport, 
tennis, squash and а health club and spa. 
Hayman has only 203 rooms and suites so 
the resort never feels crowded. The staff is 
superbly trained in the pampering arts. The 
weather never varies much so there is no 
peak secson for travelers, although Aus- 
tralia's summer is conveniently during the 
U.S.’ winter. This destinatian is well worth 
the flight across the Pacific. 


How to Hiss 


You must remember this: A kiss is nat just а 
kiss. We asked our panel of experts—Play- 
mates, of course—to describe the perfect 
Valentine's Day smooch. 

Janet Quist: “I love when а guy's mouth 
is wet—a dry kiss is awful. He should begin 
with his lips parted, then go into same smol- 
dering tongue thrusting. When he kisses my 
face, | see fireworks.” 

"| like soft, stiff-lipped kiss- 
es. No wussy lips. There should be some 
nontongue action before the French kiss 
comes into play. And по facial hair—it 


mokes me sneeze.” HOW ТО DECANT A BOTTLE OF WINE Wine Decanting 101 


Jennifer Lavoie: "If a guy doesn't know A red wine with more 
how to kiss, I won't even date him, | like than ten years of age 
him to hold my face in his hands and pull should be decanted to 
me in. It has to be slaw and soft—na remove natural sedi- 
tongue down my thract! | alsa love nose ment. We consulted 
and eye kisses.” Kevin Zraly's Windaws 

Maria Checa: "Kissing is best after on the World Camplete 
ycu've had wine or chocolate. My favorite Wine Course to make 
kisses happened on my honeymoon. They ‘our blueprint, Or try 
felt better than cll the ones before.” pouring the wine 

Heather Kozar: “During intimate ma- through an unbleached 
ments, | like soft kisses on my cheeks, neck coffee filter. Purists may 
and lips. Other times | like an erotic, all-out shudder, but it warks. 
tongue-lashing that energizes.” | 33 


34 


MANTRACK . | | .— 


Rumble in the Jungle 


The importation of o new, exotic rum 
from Venezuela would be news 
enough. But this one, Ocumore, has o 
secret ingredient: guarano, o seed 
from the Amazon roin forest prized for 
its ophrodisiac qualities. No wonder 
the salamander on the botile's unique 
O-shaped logo looks so frisky. (The 
solomander symbolizes wisdom and 
longevity to the locals.) Two styles of 
80-proof Ocumare оге available: the 
cleor ond crisp blanco, and the more 
flavorful añejo, which has been aged 
in ook for at least three years. Better 
liquor stores carry both, which sell for 
about $14 and $16, respectively, 


Bulletproof Sick Calls 


There are a number of good 
reasons not to show up for 
work, but most of them won't 
cut it with your boss. Absences 
attributed to ennui and mal de 
siècle ore not eligible for sick 
day stotus. That shouldn't mat- 
ter. Here are some tips on how 
to call in sick with confidence. 
First of all, be specific and stick 
to one ailment or cluster of 
symptoms. It'll be easier to re- 
member and will sound more 
convincing. Be graphic. Be so 
colorful about some symptom 
that the per- 
son on the 
other end of 
the phone 
will rush to 
get off. Try 
gastroenteri- 
tis. Symptoms 
include nau- 
sea, vomiting, cramping, dior- 
thea, fever, muscle aches and 
exhaustion. Could be food poi- 
soning, or the 12 martinis you 
hod lost night. Only you'll know. 
Try migraine headaches. There. 
оге several varieties, all nasty. 
Some involve loss of vision, 
vomiting and severe head pain. 
They come ond до, just like you. 
Develop а history of debilitating 
bock pain. Sometimes your bock 
Goes out, and nothing shows up. 
оп an X гоу. It's good for several 
days‘ absence; just remember to 
walk funny when you retum. 


Crank Gase 


The next time you pack for 

the beach, the ball game or 
the park don't worry about the 
batteries in your portable go- 
ing koput. Just crank the han- 
dle on Bay Gen's FPR2 AM/FM 
radio for obout half a minuto 
and you have on hour of oir- 
timo. If you're plonning to 
cross the Kalahari or compete 
in Aleska's Iditorod, the FPRI 
shortwave model provides а 
half hour of sound after crank- 
ing. The FPR1 is obout $110. 
The FPR2 radio costs about 
$80. In the works is а safety 
light ond a weather radio. 


Making the Classic Omelette 


You do hove to break а few eggs to make 
оп omelette. And if you do it right, you'll 
have a fast, elegant meal suitable for late 
nights or late mornings. Have a nonstick 
ten-inch skillet at high heat. Whisk two eggs 
until yolks and whites are completely inte- 
grated. Melt а litile butter in the skillet. Pour 
in the eggs and coat the skillet. In a few 
seconds the eggs will form a light custard 
(fillings, if any, go in at this point). Lift the 
hendle іс a 45-degree angle and push the 
eggs to the far lip of the pan with the back 
of a fork. Run the fork under the far edge of 
the omeletie to loosen it from the pan. Top 
the handle to loosen the omelette and 
make it curl over onto itself. Keep over the 
heat a few more seconds so the bottom will 
brown slightly. Turn the omelette over onto 
a plate and top with a little butter. 


? 


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35 


Ten Reasons to Own a Plymouth Prowler 


5,72 According to Dovid Stevens, PLAYBOY's Modern Living Editor (who drove 


the 539,000 beast for four doys), they ore: “(1) Women, (2) 
women, (3) women. . . ." You get the ideo. He fondly re- 
members the cheerleoder who hung out the window 

of a passing minivan ond screamed 

"awesome, owesomel" "Drive о 
new Rolls-Royce," says Stevens, 
"ond people rush 

to the curb to spit ot 
— you. Drive а Prowler 
and everybody rushes 
to hug you. Geeks, 
guys in high ond low places 
and the rest of the world hod 
one thing in common when I mo- 
tored by—big, shit-eoling grins.” 
Any other reason to own а 
Prowler? “Did 1 mention women?” 


©), How to Make а Toast 
Donn Dovis' Survival Skills for the Modern 
Mon reminds us that toasts can make or 
break o man. First, avoid giving the sponto- 
neous toost. Find out beforehand if it’s ap- 
propriate to honor someone with с few well- 
chosen words. Be brief, especially if yours is one of 
severol toasts. Prepare and ргосйсе. As with any public speech, 
whot you say and how you soy it will be remembered. Speok 
from the heart. Be careful with humor: If you're not о funny 
person, don't try to be one now. Avoid emborrossing topics. For 
example, ot a wedding, don't bring up ex-girlfriends, sexual 
idiosyncrasies or legol problems. In business, don't refer to in- 
teroffice squabbles, deals gone sour or money motters. Toosts 
should be kept brief—certainly never longer than о minute. 


Where Da Boys Are 


If you're into The Umbrellas of Cherbourg ond Little Women, The Guys” 
Guide to Guys’ Videos by Scott Meyer probably isn't for you. But if you 
like your steoks rore and your movies well done, keep this softcover 
reference next to your couch. Videos ranging from A Clockwork Or- 
ange ond Bad Day at Black Rock to For Your Eyes Only and Year of the 
Drogon ore rated occording to the de- 
gree of violence, bobes, cool cars, pro- 
fanity and hero worship. Brief poro- 
graphs cover Whot Hoppens, The 
Cost, Why Guys Love It, Memoroble 
Lines and tips on getting her to wotch 
the movie (“The Dirty Dozen cele- 
brotes forgiveness and the pote: 
for good in all men"). Top Gun, stor- 
ring “Tom Cruise (and his dimples),“ 
is included in о section titled 
"Posers: Almost But Not Quite^ 
("Too many scenes of guys stonding 
around in the locker room with just 
күз ON towels on"), which shows that The 
Guys’ Guide doesn't second-guess 
itself. Price: $12 ot bookstores 


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THE PLAYBOY ADVISOR 


Em an avid poker player. Several years 
ago I started to hear that casinos were 
going to experiment with a four-colored 
deck: red hearts, black spades, blue dia- 
monds and green clubs. The rationale 
was that there would be fewer misread 
cards. Has this type of deck been tried? 
If so, what were the results?—M.'E, Ar- 
royo Grande, California 

The four-colored deck has popped up here 
and there but hasn't caught оп. Now, how- 
ever, it has a prominent champion т Mike 
“the Mad Genius” Caro, considered to be 
one of the best poker players in the world, He 
loves the decks and finds them easier to play 
with. The chief advantage, he says, is that 
the colored pips are casier to distinguish 
across the table. That makes game play faster 
and helps players who overlook cards that 
might fill out a flush. Сато hasn't had much 
success persuading the poker establishment 
to brighten things up, despite а “C-Day” in 
February 1995 when 50 California casinos 
tested the decks. He also broke out the cards 
for a tournament іп 1992 but admits the col- 
ors were too dark and the experiment was a 
failure. (He has fine-tuned the colors and is 
looking for a company to manufacture the 
deck.) Caro sees hope in the next generation 
of poker players. “We tested the four-colored 
deck with novices, and none of the 50 play- 
ers said they wanted to go back to two col- 
ors,” he says. For more information about the 
Jour-colored deck, write Caro at 4535 West 
Sahara, Las Vegas, Nevada 89102, or e- 
mail him at caro@caro.com. 


Ри me in the tub with a trickle of wa- 
ter from the faucet and I can masturbate 
to climax every time. But I never have 
orgasms with my sweet, gorgeous boy- 
friend. Now I'm trapped in this evil litle 
box of faking them all the time because 
I don’t want him to think he sucks. I 
know, I know—this is wrong and won't 
help anything. But I can't seem to stop. I 
love sex; it's just that the stimulation 
never seems to be as easy or sensational 
as what I get in the tub. Am Га freak?— 
С.А., Phoenix, Arizona 

Many women have difficulty reaching di- 
max when they're put under pressure to do 
50, just as many men have trouble getting or 
maintaining erections. The lying and lack of 
communication with your lover is the larger 
problem because it gets in the way of your 
pleasure. If you tell your boyfriend now that 
you fake every time, he won't take it well. 
And if you confess that you sometimes fake, 
he will always wonder. So you need to tell a 
half-truth. Begin to leach your body other 
ways to get off, There are various products 
that can help. Phone Good Vibrations (800- 
289-8423), Xaudria (800-242-2823) and 
Blowfish (800-325-2569) and request their 
catalogs. Purchase a multispeed vibrator, a 
love mitt and a Venus Butterfly. When they 


arrive, tell your boyfriend you are in pursuit. 
of more intense orgasms, which is the truth. 
But don't continue to fake them—if some- 
thing isn’t working, say so. Use the toys to 
open a dialogue about what gets you off Be 
explicit. Describe the sensations you enjoy the 
most, including the trickle of the faucet (are 
you listening, guys?). Don't climb toward or- 
gasm—let yourself fall into it. The point of 
all this is to get around your lie and give 
yourself the sex life you deserve. Does that 
help? Let us knou. 


Why do guys’ balls hang so low? You'd 
think that with their important cargo 
they'd be tucked up inside the body.— 
W.S., New York, New York 

If they were higher, how could your lover 
fondle them? Testicles are nature's way of 
saying, “Place your other hand here.” Scien- 
tists, of course, have other theories. Writing 
in the “Journal of Zoology,” а British re- 
searcher observes that the most active mam- 
mals have external testes, while the more 
sedentary have an internal set. Monkeys, 
horses, kangaroos and deer have outies, 
while hedgehogs, moles, elephants, sloths 
and manatees have innies. Why? External 
testes prevent sperm from being forced out 
when pressure is applied to the abdomen, 
which occurs more often in active mammals. 
The prevailing theory, however, has been 
that sperm thrive in cooler temperatures, so 
evolution moved the production line away 
from the furnace. 


M purchased a used car only to discover 
that 1 paid too much because I used the 
blue book as a guide. Then a friend told 
me that there are also red, gray and 
black books. When did they come into 
play? And why have a blue book if it's 


ILLUSTRATION BYISTVAN BANYAL 


not accurate?—PP, Chicago, Illinois 

The “Kelley Blue Book” is meant to be a 
guide to a car's value, not gospel. Its prices 
are based on reports from ашо auctions, 
dealers, wholesalers, banks and, most recent- 
ly, input from visitors to Kelley's Web site 
(www.kbb.com). The actual value of any 
particular car varies according to mileage, 
condition, color, geographic location, options 
and, most important, its worth to the buyer: 
(Offer a Yugo to a Caddy dealer and the blue 
book goes out the window.) On the West 
Coast the “Kelley Blue Book” is used almost 
exclusively, but elsewhere the industry relies 
on multiple guides, including National 
Markets Reports’ “Red Book” (an insurance 
company favorite), Hearst Media’s “Black 
Book” (wholesale prices from dealer auc- 
tions), the “National Automotive Dealers As- 
sociation's Used Car Guide” and, on the 
East Coast, the Galves dealer guide. Keep in 
mind that a seller will cite whatever book 
works to his or her advantage. 


For several years my husband and I 
have fantasized about a threesome. After 
reading the letter in October from the 
woman who was surprised by a stranger 
her husband brought home, our interest 
rose sharply. One night about a week af- 
ter we read the Advisor together in bed, 1 
was shocked when my husband pro- 
duced a blindfold. The letter flashed 
through my mind, but I thought, Surely 
not. Before I knew it, he had blindfolded 
me, and another man was in the room 
with us. I could not tell whose mouth 
was biting my nipple or whose fingers 
and penis were where. When I had come 
a few times and my husband removed 
my blindfold, we were alone. My hus- 
band said it was unbelievable seeing me 
respond to another man. But he says he 
will never tell me who the stranger was, 
because he wants to make sure that I, 
unlike the woman who wrote to you, 
don't request a private performance. It 
drives me crazy when we are with his 
friends, because I wonder ifit was one of 
them. My husband was wise to blindfold 
me. It was the most erotic, sensual expe- 
rience I've ever had. —T.C., Oklahoma 
City, Oklahoma 

Glad to hear it. Your husband must be 
confident that other guy won't come back on 
his own—unless he blindfolded him too. 


V wear dress shirts with removable collar 
stays. Should [ take them out before the 
shirts go to the cleaners?—M.B., Long 
Beach, California 

Yes. Otherwise they may create ugly im- 
pressions in the collars. 


Ih your column in the October issue, 
you state that one should “never use 


PLAYBOY 


petroleum-based products with condoms 
or inside the vagina." I know that petro- 
leum-based lubes can erode condoms 
but had never heard the warning against 
using them inside the vagina. My wife 
and I often use baby oil as a lubricant. 
What's the worry?—C.D., Toledo, Ohio 
The primary concern is that the vagina 
has trouble cleansing itself of petroleum- 
based lubes. Petroleum-based products can 
also cause allergic reactions in some women. 


МІ, husband and I have been married 
for two years. We've tried new sexual 
things, from sharing our bed with anoth- 
er woman to using hot wax and ice 
cubes. We've made love at the park at 
one AM, in our garage in the backseat of 
the car and in every room of the house. 
I'm out of ideas. We are in our early 30s 
and I know I will be with this man until 
the day I die. What can we do to keep it 
sexy?—R.D., Las Vegas, Nevada 

Gel back to basics. We receive a lot of let- 
ters asking how to spice up sex lives. Often 
couples become so focused on gadgets, novel- 
ty and fantasy, they overlook two important 
elements of memorable sex: anticipation and 
connection. Practice abstinence for a week 
but tease each other as often as you can. 
Whisper into his ear what you're going to do 
when you get him into bed. Wear knockout 
lingerie under your clothes, and make sure 
he knows it. Touch and hiss, but don’t let it 
go further than a few slips of the tongue. Af- 
ter you shower, clumsily drop your towel, re- 
peatedly. Watch an erotic movie together but 
sit apart. Gently brush his cock with your 
hand when you pass by (be sure to apolo- 
gize). Read dirty bedtime stories to each oth- 
er. Tell him that if you catch him masturbat- 
ing, you will punish him severely. Once you 
lose conirol (even if you fail, you succeed), 
proceed slowly in the same way you've been 
teasing each other. Lie facing each other and 
let your hands explore. Avoid the genitals, 
for now. Kiss softly. Put your hands on each 
other's hips and rub against each other like 
nervous teenagers. When you can’t stand it 
any longer, begin petting. From that point, 
we promise great sex. 


Every once in a while, the Advisor 
seems to get in over his head. Your an- 
swer in October regarding heavier ca- 
bles for speakers was a bit off. The read- 
er needs to determine if his old wires 
were less than 16 gauge. If so, switching 
to thicker cables might help. The bene- 
fits of pricey monster cables have never 
been shown experimentally, though 
anecdotal evidence exists. The Advisor 
seems to have bought into the hype with 
the ludicrous suggestion that cable with 
“individually insulated” strands would 
“reduce cross talk between the strands.” 
Come on! I've been a reader for de- 
cades. Don't blow your credibility now.— 
C.N., Buffalo, New York 

We did play the description of Litzendraht 


40 cables a bit loose, but that's not to dismiss 


their benefits. Litz wires have been around 
for decades and make a difference to anyone 
with a good enough ear to care. They work 
by reducing skin effect. In the simplest terms, 
higher frequencies migrate toward the skin 
of a conductor. Smaller conductors counter 
thai, but they need to be insulated from cach 
other. What else can we say? Yours was the 
most succinct of the letters we received on 
this topic. The rest explained, in excruciat- 
ing detail, Ohm's law and resistance and 
electrical circuits, or dismissed all wire ex- 
сері that found at a hardware store. We're 
not inclined to experiment with music; we 
listen to it. 


There have been times when I will be 
talking to a girl and three or four other 
girls will say hello and start talking to me 
while I'm in the middle of a conversa- 
tion. I don't want to be rude because 
God knows I want to talk to all of them. 
But I can't very well say, "Pardon me, 
but I'm trying to hook up here." How 
can I handle something like that without 
later being told I ignored one or the oth- 
ег?—РА., Tallahassee, Florida 

Too many women want your attention? 
What kind of a problem is that? You could 
read this two ways: The object of your affec 
tion may be signaling her friends to "save" 
her, which doesn't indicate much interest оп 
her part. Or her friends may just be daft. If 
you play the situation right, their interrup- 
tions can work to your advantage. The girl 
you're after will study how you interact with 
these other women, which could help your 
cause. She'll also like that you always return 
to the conversation you're having with her If 
you want to talk to a woman outside the 
crowd, ask her out. In the meantime, you're 
surrounded by women. It can't be that bad. 


м, sister says I have по judgment 
when it comes to women, and that if I'd 
listen to my family (really, her) I might 
do better. I argue that my taste in women 
is fine, and that it would help if my fam- 
ily respected my choices. Is there any 
truth to my sister's contention that rela- 
tives can tell where a relationship will 
end up?—K.C., Cleveland, Ohio 

Two Canadian researchers studied who 
Апош» best about how long a relationship 
will last: college students involved with 
someone, their roommates or their parents. 
Predictably, the students were the most opti- 
mistic (lovers like to think things will work 
oul, whatever that means). Some of this can 
be attributed to hormone goggles—new part- 
ners have no significant faults, and they 
kindly overlook yours. Nietzsche, always the 
realist, once observed that “love is the state 
in which man sees things most widely differ- 
ent from what they are.” The researchers 
found that roommates were generally more 
‘accurate than parents and much more accu- 
rate than the students in predicting how long 
the flame would burn. When they asked stu- 
denis in relationships to predict the success of 
other students’ relationships, however, they 


turned out to be no more optimistic than 
parents or roommates. Your family and your 
roommate may have their own ideas about 
your romantic future, but who cares? You 
can't manage your love life according to 
their whims. 


Wan a 21-year-old college student. This 
past fall I was introduced to golf. I love 
it, but I have a longstanding argument 
with a guy I play with. He says that the 
numbers on the ball ate how far it 
will fly. I say that they are merely for dis- 
tinction in the event two people play the 
same brand. Who's righ?—C.B., Oma- 
ha, Nebraska 

You are. The numbers ате for identifica- 
tion. For example, Jack Nicklaus plays balls 
with the number five. The second number on 
the ball indicates its compression, typically 
90 or 100. In theory, a lower-compression 
ball flies farther for a player with a slower 
swing speed. Golf only looks that simple. 


White snooping in the bedroom that 
our teenage daughters (ages 16 and 17) 
share, my wife found a package of con- 
doms. Five of the 12 were missing. It is 
obvious that at least one of our daugh- 
ters is sexually active. My wife is shocked 
and furious. I'm willing to accept reality 
and am glad they are at least having safe 
sex. My wife wants to confront them and 
ground the culprit for a long time. She 
says that if they both deny it she will be 
able to tell who is lying. I think she 
shouldn't say anything. First of all, they 
will lose trust in her and maybe both of 
us. Second. if they are going to be sexu- 
ally active, they will find a way. Con- 
fronting them may make them afraid to 
practice safe sex and use birth control 
for fear that the evidence will be discov- 
ered. I would like to know what the Ad- 
visor thinks.—D.L., Dallas, Texas 

We're with you. Your wife has violated 
your daughters’ privacy and now wants to 
send the girls a message: no sex. That won't 
work, and it’s too late anyway. If nothing 
else, the condoms are an indication that 
you've raised two responsible young women. 


All reasonable questions—from fashion, food 
and drink, stereo and sports cars to dat- 
ing dilemmas, taste and etiquette—will be 
personally answered if the writer includes a 
self-addressed, stamped envelope. The most 
provocative, pertinent questions will be pre- 
sented in these pages each month, Write the 
Playboy Advisor, PLAYBOY, 680 North Lake 
Shore Drive, Chicago, Illinois 60611, or 
adoisor@playboy.com (because of volume, we 
cannot respond to all e-mail inquiries). Look 
for responses to our most frequently asked 
questions at www.playboy.com/faq, and 
check out the Advisor's latest collection of 
sex tricks, “365 Ways to Improve Your Sex 
Life” (Plume), available in bookstores or by 
phoning 800-423-9494. 


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Meet Bill, a high school student. 
Bill used to take his studies seriously 
but says, "I'd heard a lot from the 
guys who were dating, and I decided 
maybe less work and more play was 
what I needed, too." He soon met 
Sherry, and after a few dates, they 
"started having sex." Distracted, Bill 
fell behind in his studies, and in the 
middle of finals Sherry told him she 
was pregnant. “It turned out to be a 
false alarm, but for four weeks we 
went through hell.” After that "we 
were finished with each other,” says 
Bill. "I almost lost my whole future, 
just for the ‘fun’ of having sex.” 

Is Bill for real? Not quite. He's a 
cautionary figure from the pages of 
Sex Respect, an abstinence education 
curriculum used in schools around 
the nation. Traditional 
sex education stresses 
that those who decide to 
have sex, whatever their 
age, should at least know 
what they're doing. Ab- 
stinence education, on 
the other hand, declares 
simply and emphatically 
that people who are not 
married should not have 
sex. No exceptions. As a 
result, the curricula of 
popular abstinence ed 
courses is so over- 
wrought with misinfor- 
mation and fearmonger- 
ing, it's almost amusing. 

What's not funny is 
that abstinence educa- 
tion has the weight of the federal gov- 
ernment behind it. Hidden in the 
1996 welfare reform law was a provi- 
sion to grant $50 million per year 
from 1998 through 2002 to support 
programs which teach that “sexual 
activity outside marriage is likely to 
have harmful psychological and phys- 
ical effects,” and that “a monogamous 
relationship in the context of mar- 
riage is the expected standard of hu- 
man sexual activity.” Any program 
falling short of this absolute stan- 
dard—or supplementing it with in- 
formation about contraceptives—will 
lose its funding. 

The specifics of abstinence educa- 


WHAT ? YOU WANT 
CONTROL 


| N | N ( 
tion vary from curriculum to curricu- 
lum. Some courses are merely naive 
in their faith that all teenagers can be 
persuaded to say no. But many are 
far more pernicious, telling teenagers 
that premarital sexual activity is al- 
ways hazardous. 

The fear-based ethos is evident on 
page two of the Sex Respect student 
workbook, where an illustration de- 
picts teen sex as a gleaming butcher's 
knife in the hands of a toddler, Later 
there's a premarital-sex “wheel of fu- 
tures” whose stops go from pregnan- 
cy to various STDs to “ruined reputa- 
tion,” “emptiness” and “welfare.” The 
best possible outcome is “survival.” 
Couldn't they at least have included 
“orgasm”? 

When Sex Respect states, “There’s 


N SEX 


no way to have premarital sex with- 
out hurting someone,” it reflects the 
quasi-official guidelines of the Med- 
ical Institute for Sexual Health. 
MISH is a conglomerate of people 
from Sex Respect and similar pro- 
grams who want to see their agenda 
adopted nationwide. That agenda 
doesn't merely forbid intercourse 
outside marriage. MISH would like 
to tell teenagers that “any activity in- 
yolving genital stimulation,” includ- 
ing oral sex and “outercourse” (fon- 


AREYOUMAVING ARENT VOUA LITTLE 
VANTO YOUNG FOR THAT, 
You Hussy? 


dling), will bring disaster. 

Sex Respect recognizes that absti- 
nence isn't always easy for teenagers. 
Extreme measures are required to 
counteract their powerful hormonal 
urges. To that end, Sex Respect pep- 
pers its pages with upbeat motivation- 
al slogans (“Pet your dog, not your 
date!”) and grim tales of ruined lives. 
In a supplemental classroom video, 
one student asks, "What if I want to 
have sex before I get married?" 
The instructor's response: "Well, I 
guess that you'll just have to be pre- 
pared to die. And you'll probably take 
with you your spouse and one or 
more of your children." 

The abstinence education pro- 
gram Choosing the Best reports that 
teenage girls who have sex are “six 
times more likely to have 
tried suicide.” A col- 
lege senior testifies that 
one night of sex when he 
І was 15 (по опе ро! preg- 


›/ nant or infected) ended 


his career as a star foot- 
ball player, hurt his 
grades and made him 
fecl "like a failure." АП 
these years later, he says, 
"I'm afraid of falling 


О in love.” Interestingly, 
COUNSELING there are as many female 
TEENAGERS sexual predators in ab- 
A stinence lessons as there 


are male. As Sex Respect 
acknowledges, “The lib- 
eration movement has 
produced some aggres- 
sive girls.” First they wanted equal 
pay for equal work; now they want 
hot, steamy sex. What next? 
Abstinence educators are prepared 
for tough questions. If a child asks 
why some people appear to be happy 
with their sex lives, Sex Respect an- 
swers: “Sometimes the consequences 
or guilt feelings are hidden or cov- 
eredup.” Presented with the observa- 
tion that millions of teenagers do it, 
Sex, Lies & the Truth—another absti- 
nence education textbook—re- 
sponds: “At one point in time, thou- 
sands of people thought slavery and 
Hitler's plans were beneficial. But 
owning slaves and killing Jews caused 


41 


42 


great suffering." 

According to Sex Respect, the ac- 
ceptable limit of affection is a simple 
goodnight kiss. Beyond that, "passion 
becomes like a car with worn-down 
brakes speeding downhill.” And even 
if you can stop in time, don't think it's 
OK. “The pattern of petting and 
stopping, petting and stopping, can 
cause an association in our minds be- 
tween petting and frustration. In 
marriage, when it's OK not to stop, 
the negative memories can prevent 
us from fully enjoying the physical 
side of marriage." 

Abstinence curricula overflow with 
dubious lessons about marriage. 
“Most men and women prefer to 
marry individuals with little or no 
sexual experience," says MISH, 
adding that "individuals who lack 
sexual self-control prior to marriage 
may have difficulty remaining faithful 
during marriage." Also, "premarital 
sex can cloud a person's judgment so 
much that they may marry someone 
whom they would not otherwise have 
married." One could also argue the 
opposite case: that some- 
one who vows premari- 
tal abstinence is more 
likely to marry rashly 
just to get laid. 

There's little science 
in abstinence education. 
Instead, anecdotes stand 
in for evidence. “1 had 
sex before marriage," а 
49-year-old woman con- 
fesses in Sex Respect. 
ven though I knew 
that it was wrong, I tried 
to make myself think и 
was right because we 
were engaged. That 
didn't help. The guilt 
still haunts me every 
time I have sex now, and 
Гуе been married over 20 years." 
And your husband is a lucky man, 
ma'am. 

‘This zero-tolerance approach goes 
from silly to dangerous when it sup- 
presses information about contracep- 
tion and preyenting sexually trans- 
mitted diseases. The abstinence ed 
line is that advocating chastity while 
discussing the benefits of condoms 
sends mixed messages, that teaching 
safer sex encourages promiscuity. 
Rigorous studies, however, have 
found that traditional sex education 
does not cause students to have sex 
sooner or more frequently. 

Rigorous, however, is not a word 
that applies to abstinence programs. 
In their view, condoms are useless 


and even dangerous. (A Sex Respect 
section on contraception is titled 
“Birth Control: Friend or Enemy to 
Teens?") The value of condoms in 
preventing discasc and pregnancy is 
beyond debate, but the only informa- 
tion teenagers glean from their absti- 
nence textbooks is the failure rate. 
The range is given variously as ten 
percent to 15 percent, ten percent to 
20 percent and ten percent to 30 per- 
cent—sometimes within a few pages. 
The actual range is two percent to 12 
percent, and experts attribute much 
of that to human error. 

The inaccurate statistics are spun 
for maximum impact. “When you use 
a condom, it is like playing Russian 
roulette,” says Choosing the Best. 
“There is a greater risk of a condom 
failure than the bullet being in the 
chamber.” The claim that “a 15-year- 
old student who uses a condom con- 
sistently has an 89 percent chance of 
infection by age 25” is a classic exam- 
ple of lying with statistics. (Besides 
being bad math, this assumes that 
whenever a condom breaks, someone 


gets HIV.) When Choosing the Best tells 
students that “people tend not to use 
condoms properly,” it is a justification 
for dismissing the subject, not a pre- 
lude toa lesson on proper use. 
Instead, Choosing the Best makes 
putting on a condom sound like re- 
pairing the Mir. “For condoms to be 
used properly, over ten specific steps 
must be followed every time.” The 
first is “inspecting the condom for 
holes and leaks.” The last is “immedi- 
ate washing of the genital areas with 
both soap and water and either rub- 
bing alcohol or diluted solutions of 
Lysol.” (Ouch.) Choosing the Best 
points out that these steps can “mini- 
mize the romance and spontaneity of 
the sex act.” This is an admirable but 


unexpected show of concern for the 
romance of premarital sex. 

The specter of AIDS is raised not 
only in conjunction with risky behav- 
ior but also as a way to thwart safe be- 
havior that happens to exceed good- 
night kisses. According to Sex, Lies & 
the Truth, French kissing can be 
chancy if you've been flossing or “eat- 
ing crunchy foods.” Sex Respect adds 
that compromising injuries “may 
even be caused by overly enthusiastic 
open-mouth kissing.” In fact, there 
has been one confirmed case of HIV 
transmission through kissing. Each 
partner had advanced gum disease. 

Why teach blatant falsehoods? Be- 
cause abstinence education has an 
agenda beyond encouraging teen- 
agers to remain virgins. This is obvi- 
ous in issues these curricula cover 
that are tangential to abstinence. 
MISH warns teachers that if they 
must mention homosexuality, they 
should stress that people who are 
antigay should not he labeled “preju- 
diced.” Sex Respect encourages kids to 
join "organizations that are trying to 
curb the sexual tone of 
advertisements as well as 
explicit sexual activity 
on TV and in movies.” 
Several programs stress 
the risks of abortion, 
claiming ludicrously that 
“after one has aborted a 
child, she loses instinctu- 
al control over rage.” 
For younger children, 
the program Me, My 
World, My Future in- 
structs teachers to refer 
to a fetus as “a person, 
child or patient” who 
“engages in playful activ- 
ities,” and to have stu- 
dents draw pictures of 
themselves in the womb. 
“The assignment should be fun and 
provide interesting artwork for en- 
livening the classroom.” 

In other words, abstinence educa- 
tion is largely, as MISH admits, about 
“the nation’s moral character.” Ig- 
norance is never bliss. By keeping 
kids in the dark, abstinence education 
doesn't make them chaste. Every reli- 
able study has shown that the sexual 
behavior of students who receive ab- 
stinence education is about the same 
as that of students who do not. More 
important, eight out of ten parents 
say they want their kids to have com- 
prehensive sex education. They rec- 
ognize that sex ed should teach deci- 
sion-making skills. But it shouldn't 
dictate the decisions. 


"The woman was distraught. Her 
husband had just committed suicide 
by hanging. She wanted to preserve 
his sperm. Was it possible? The doc- 
tor agreed to perform the operation, 
reasoning that the woman wanted 
her husband's child and that she her- 
self was of sound mind. 

He stood over the corpse, cut the 
vas deferens (the conduit for sperm) 
and, to echo an old blues song, made 
a dead man come. 

A recent story in The New York Times 
detailed this and similar requests. 
Seeking to aid a woman who wanted 
to take one last dip into the family 
gene pool, a 
doctor recov- 
ered sperm 
from her 32- 
year-old hus- 
band, who was 
brain-dead after 
being struck by 
atruck. 

In another 
case, a gunshot 
claimed the life 
of a 15-year-old 
boy. Тне victim 
was the family's 
only male heir, 
and his sister 
asked doctors to 
preserve his 
sperm. After 
much debate, 
one doctor com- 
plied. When the 
sperm proved 
viable, the moth- 
er cried, kissed the doctor and hand- 
ed him $20. 

This procedure isn't common yet. 
A recent survey of 273 infertility clin- 
ics in North America found only 14 
centers where it has been practiced. 
But reproductive technologies have a 
way of, well, reproducing. 

We should have seen this coming. 

Science has separated the seed of 
life from paternal responsibility. Men 
are viewed not as fathers but as mere 
participants who contribute missing 
chromosomes. Thanks to a few 


By TED C. FISHMAN 


decades of feminism and male-bash- 
ing, a woman's desire to reproduce 
is held in higher regard than pater- 
nal responsibility. By some estimates, 
business at sperm banks has grown 
more than tenfold in the past decade, 
and the centers now perform hun- 
dreds of thousands of artificial insem- 
inations a year. 

The technology has given rise to 
some romantic notions. Before ship- 
ping off to the Gulf war in 1991, 
dozens of American soldiers made de- 


posits at sperm banks. Some clinics, 
doing their part in the war effort, of- 
fered special Desert Storm discounts. 
Whether all of the soldiers had a 
mother-to-be in mind is undear, but 
plan-ahead donors differ from their 
dead peers in one important way: 
They have made a conscious choice. 
In matters concerning reproduc- 
ton and sex, consent has always 
played a major role. Sex without a 
partner's consent is rape; forcing 
women to have children they don't 
want violates the law of the land. Can 


MIEAD MAN S PERM 


now scientists can turn corpses into fathers 


you imagine the outrage were men to 
use the corpses of women to incubate 
their own manufactured offspring? 
We recently told you about the co- 
matose woman who was raped in her 
hospital bed and impregnated. Her 
parents knew that their daughter was 
against abortion and speculated that 
she would have wanted a child. They 
decided that she should carry the 
pregnancy to term and went to ex- 
traordinary lengths to see the birth 
through. That case and those of the 
dead sperm donors make us queasy 
for the same reason: They reduce hu- 
man beings to petri dishes that hold 
living souvenirs. 
Even medical 
professionals 
cannot agree on 
the ethical im- 
plications, espe- 
cially when the 
request veers far 
from the inter- 
ests of the do- 
nor. One doctor 
recounted the 
case of a woman 
whose husband 
had stated re- 
peatedly that he 
did not want 
to have chil- 
dren. The wid- 
ow claimed he 
had changed his 
mind the week 
before he died. 
Like all rights, 
procreative lib- 
erty implies its opposite—the right 
not to reproduce. In his book Children 
of Choice, John Robertson writes that 
procreative liberty is valuable because 
“whether one reproduces or not is 
central to personal identity, to dignity 
and to the meaning of one's life.” 
The harvesters may protest that 
they chose to preserve their loved 
ones’ genetic destiny as an act of love, 
as a memorial to a loving partner. 
How absurd. 
"The vows say till death do us part. 
Let men rest in peace. 


43 


MARIJUANA MYTHS 

In his crusade against med- 
ical marijuana, Dr. Eric Voth 
(“Puff and Stuff,” Reader Re- 
sponse, September) grossly mis- 
represents the scientific evi- 
dence. Every study he cites 
showing marijuana-related 
harm is contradicted by dozens 
of other studies. 

In our recent book Marijuana 
Myths, Marijuana Facts (Linde- 
smith Center), we review 30 
years of scientific evidence 
based on marijuana research. 
We condude that marijuana 
does not adversely affect sex 
hormones in humans; does not 
cause birth defects, lasting 
memory impairment or cancer; 
does not impair immune func- 
tion and is not highly addictive. 

Тһе only clear health risk as- 
sociated with marijuana use is 
lung damage from smoking, 
and this risk appears primarily 
among long-term, high-dose 
smokers, particularly those who 
also smoke tobacco cigarettes. 
Daily marijuana smokers expe- 
rience slightly more respiratory 
symptoms than do nonsmok- 
ers. However, two recent stud- 
ies, one conducted in the U.S. 
and the other in Australia, 
indicate no evidence of the 
lung disease emphysema 
among those who smoke only 
marijuana. 

All effective medications pro- 
duce unwanted side effects. 
Marijuana is no exception. 
Some people find marijuana's 
psychoactivity to be extremely 


= 
FOR THE RECO! 


Voth's assertion that the 
availability of other “safe and 
effective medications precludes 
the need for marijuana or pure 
“THC” is contrary to the prind- 
ples of good medical practice. 
His own survey of oncologists 
indicates that 12 percent have 
recommended marijuana to 
patients undergoing chemo- 
therapy. Other surveys of on- 
cologists show even greater 
support for marijuana’s use as 
an antinauseant. Physicians 
and patients need the maxi- 
mum number of effective med- 
ications—not just those that 
work best in the majority of pa- 
Gents. The fact that marijuana 
is effective in some patients for 
whom other medications have 
failed makes it a valuable addi- 
tion to the pharmacopocia. 

In a 1982 letter to the Journal 
of the American Medical Associa- 
tion, Congressman Newt Gin- 
grich wrote that "the outdated 
federal prohibition" of medical 
marijuana was "corrupting the 
intent of state laws and depriv- 
ing thousands of glaucoma and 
cancer patients of the medical 
care promised them by their 
state legislatures." According to 
Gingrich, "the hysteria over 
marijuana's social abuse" has 
prevented a "factual and bal- 
anced assessment of marijua- 
na’s use as а medicant.” Voth 
seems committed to perpetuat- 
ing the hysteria, regardless of 
the suffering it causes. 

Lynn Zimmer 
Associate Professor 


unpleasant. But contrary to Dr. of Sociology 
Voth's assertion, this adverse Queens College 
effect is less common with New York, New York 
smoked marijuana than with 

the oral THC capsule, which John Morgan 

has been approved by the FDA Professor of 

and is available by prescription. True, partment of Transportation, shows that Pharmacology 
crude marijuana is sometimes contam- impairment from marijuana is less sub- CUNY Medical School 
inated with fungal spores, which is а stantial than that caused by many wide- New York, New York 
problem for people with suppressed ly used medications. Even if driving 

immune systems. However, this prob- impairment from marijuana were GOD SQUAD 


lem could be eliminated with proper more substantial, that would hardly Бе Asa parent and lifelong resident of 
quality control, under a system of legal а reason to forbid marijuana's use asa Alabama, I am appalled that the par- 
distribution. medicine—unless we are also prepared ents of those Little League players did 

Both smoked marijuana and oral to forbid, on similar grounds, the use пос first investigate the sponsorship of 
THC have the potential to produce of many painkillers, antihistamines, their teams (“Irrational Pastime,” The 
psychomotor impairment. But a recent tranquilizers, sleeping pills and over- Playboy Forum, November). Until our 
driving study, funded by the US. De- — the-counter cough syrups. daughter is an adult, my wife and I will 


always investigate the particulars of her that he couldn't imagine a personal much of Europe, I hope that it comes 
activities. It is not only our right butal- God or a hereafter, “although feeble to America. 

so our duty as parents. Raising objec- souls harbor such thoughts through Jim Haught, Editor 
tions to immoral influences a season fear or ridiculous egotism.” Thomas The Charleston Gazetie 


later? Come on, guys! If we had been Jefferson wrote in a letter to John Charleston, West Virginia 

talking drugs, your kids would belong Adams: “The day will come when — — -- -—— 

gone by now. the mystical generation of Jesus, by the Send questions and opinions: The Playboy 
Fennigan Spencer supreme being as his father in the Forum Reader Response, PLAYBOY, 680 


Birmingham, Alabama womb of a virgin, will be classed with North Lake Shore Drive, Chicago, Illinois 
the fable of the generation of Minerva 60611. Please include daytime phone num- 
Robert Wieder's “Irrational Pas- іп the brain of Jupiter." ber. Fax: 312-951-2939. E-mail: forum@ 
time" is not just an example of what That day has obviously arrived for — playboy.com (please include city and state). 
happens when God takes the field; it al- 
so gives us more reason to doubt the 
existence of a supreme being. Surely if 
there were one, he wouldn't operate on 
such a mundane level. 
A recent Yankelovich poll found that 
90 percent of Americans believe in the 
existence of God, compared with just 
48 percent of Britons; 76 percent of 
Americans think hell is a real place, 
compared with just 16 percent of Ger- 
mans. More than 100 million Ameri- 
cans attend church each Sunday, which 
is a vastly higher number than in Eu- 
rope. Radio and television teem with 
evangelists. while Americans donate an 
astounding $70 billion annually to 
churches and ministries—more than 
the national budgets of most coun- 
tries. That's a colossal commitment to 
the supernatural. 
But if 90 percent of the population 
believes in God, the other ten percent 
must be skeptics like me. Since America 
has 200 million adults, there must be 
about 20 million of us doubters. The 
agnostic viewpoint rarely gets media 
coverage, but we deserve a chance to 
toss our beliefs into the national stew. 
Free speech includes the right to 
raise doubts. 
Agnostics operate from the 


point of view that no reliable evi- 1 POSTAL DAZE 
dence can be found of a spiritual \ Hackers rule! And not just in cyberspace, as evidenced by 
realm. Among university faculties artists Michael Thompson and Michael Hernandez de Luna. 
and means E staffs and the like, Their designs ol fake postage stamps depict images not 
religious believers have become likely to receive approval from the postmaster general, yet 
oddities. several ol the stamps passed postal scrutiny and were de- 
Not long ago, Yale professor Ste- livered. Though Thompson and Hernandez de Luna feared 
ee Be cum А arrest at the opening of their gallery exhibit, celebrity status 
en atthei local post office appears to be worth taking the risk. 
зецегз. Carter called it a symptom of 
moral decay. I call it a sign of rising 
integrity. 
Over the years, bold nonconformists 
have dared to doubt. Thomas Edison 
said, "Religion is all bunk." Sigmund 
Freud compared religion to a child- 
hood neurosis. Albert Einstein wrote 


45 


46 


ат going to keep my images and 
there's nothing you can do! So 
please wipe your ass it's getting 
smelly butthead. Stop breathing or 
farting is what I should say! Do you 
read PLAYBOY much? 1 don't 1 just look 
at the pictures that I get free from the 
Internet. So let me have my freedom of 
speach you little cock because you are 
what you eat (you cock). PS. When you 
fuck your pillow does it fuck back like 
your wife did to me!!!” 


© "Fuck rarsoy! I am going to ask 
everyone that used to love this site 
to visit often to boycott PLAYBOY 
Magazine, the reason most of the 
good Jenny McCarthy sites are 
down. ask that you never give any 
of your hard-earned cash to this 
piece-of-shit company.” 


® “Is it not enough that you are 
making millions from the average 
person, shame on you for restricting 
the posting of Playmates over the 
Internet. I had a subscription, but 
considering PLAYBOY's greedy na- 
ture I will not renew.” 


* "I long ago quit my subscrip- 
tion to PLAYBOY and never visit the 
site. However, as an American tax- 
payer I am compelled to comment 
on your policics regarding copy- 
right infringement. The copyright 
laws of this nation are enforced for 
your benefit. We should not be 
doing it in the first place. If you 
don't want it copied don't publish it, 
simply go out of business. I as a tax- 
payer don't want to protect your 
business." 


* "] wanna know what your fucking 
problem is you damn dolt. Why in the 
hell are you taking all these wonderful 
sites dedicated to jenny mccarthy off. 
Hell your probably gay and don't give 
а damn jackass. Good-Bye You son ofa 
bitch.” 


We're used to being attacked by anti- 
sex zealots and religious nuts. Now 
there's a new breed of moron sending 
us hate mail. 

If you've surfed Usenet or any of 
hundreds of sites on the World Wide 


те. СЕ. 


BIG BUNNY 


let's clear up a few questions about 


Web, you've spotted ргАувоу images. 
"They stand above the rest. Misguided 
"fans" scan photos from the magazine 
or our newsstand specials, or they 
download image files from our Web 
site. Then they play publisher and post 
them on Usenet, personal home pages 
or commercial sites. From there, the 
files are duplicated en masse with the 
click of a mouse. College students cre- 
ate shrines to Jenny McCarthy, Pam 
Anderson and other Playmates and re- 
publish every photo we've ever printed 
of the women. Several Scanmaster col- 


lections include more than 1000 pic- 
tures. Entrepreneurs create huge оп- 
line archives of PLAYBOY images, then 
charge visitors $5 to $20 a month for 
access. Some earn hundreds of thou- 
sands of dollars. A few overseas opera- 
tors have even mirrored the entire 
PLAYBOY Web site, and porn-site barkers 
love to use PLAYBOY images to tell visi- 
tors, “This is what you'll find inside!" 
lt isn't. 

All this thievery keeps our lawyers 
busy. Many Web masters post the im- 
ages until we contact them, then they 
apologize and take them down. (For 
the record, PLAYBOY does not grant per- 


mission for our articles, interviews, il- 
lustrations, photographs, cartoons or 
any other material to be posted online.) 
Other pirates send the sort of ignorant 
mail mentioned previously. 

Some surfers have written to ask how 
a magazine devoted to free speech can 
stifle students who want to decorate 
their online hangouts with beautiful 
women. Others remind us that the 
thousands of illegal PLAYBOY images 
floating around the Net are “free ad- 
verüsing" that has made the magazine 
what it is today (as if we were born yes- 

terday). Still others accuse us of per- 
secuting Scanmasters who routinely 
steal and distribute our photos as a 
“public service” (and who, frankly, 
need to get lives). They all want to 
know why we are being such bas- 
tards about a few digital images 
posted for surfers to download and 
admire, especially if no one’s charg- 
ing money. They want to know what 
gives us the right. 

Let's begin with the Constitution, 
specifically Article I, Section 8, 
which serves as the basis for U.S. 
copyright law. Even as our nation 
was being formed, Congress saw the 
need for artists, writers, photogra- 
phers and inventors to be able to 
benefit from their work. That provi- 
sion doesn't include a qualification 
that ап artist, writer, photographer 
or inventor who makes a profit, 
large or small, forfeits any protec- 
tion. It simply says that if you create 
something unique, it belongs to 
you, and you have the right to con- 
trol its use and presentation. 

Some confused souls have asked 
why we are "censoring" their use of our 
work. But this is not about free speech. 
It's about capitalism and, more impor- 
tant, ethics. 

Feople have always stolen from us. 
How many times have you seen the fa- 
mous nude of Marilyn Monroe that ap- 
peared in our first issue in 1953? More 
times than we've given permission for 
it to be reprinted, no doubt. Technolo- 
gy has made it possible to create per- 
fect digital copies in seconds, and 
to distribute them worldwide. That 
capability has led to a general ero- 
sion of ethics. People copy software for 
friends. People keep shareware with- 


АСИЛ 


copyright in the digital world 


out licensing it. Pcople "borrow" words 
and illustrations for home pages. Peo- 
ple digitize songs and albums and boot- 
leg them online. Soon people may be 
able to do the same with rental videos, 
or DVD. It's easy, but that doesn't make 
it right. 

PLAYBOY isn't the only publisher ad- 
dressing the issue of copyright online 
To educate surfers, Brad Templeton 
of Clari Net has written an excellent 
primer, "Ten Big Myths About Copy- 
right Explained," posted at www.clari 
net/brad/copymyths.html. A common 
fallacy, according to Templeton, is that 
any material not displaying a copyright 
notice is not copyrighted. IF that were 
true, all you'd have to do is remove the 
copyright notice from an image or arti- 
cle to gain control of it. U.S. and inter- 
national copyright law holds that a 
work is protected the moment it is cre- 
ated. Notice only warns others and 
helps owners win “тоге and different 
damages,” Templeton writes. “This ap- 
plies to pictures, too. You may not scan 
photos from magazines and post them, 
and if you come upon something un- 
known, you shouldn't post that either.” 
It's a common courtesy to assume that 
other people's work is protected, wheth- 
ег or not it bears a copyright notice. 

Many Internet users believe that if 
you don't charge for access 10 copy- 
righted material, it's not а violation. 
"Whether you charge can affect the 
damages awarded in court, but that’s 
essentially the only difference,” Tem- 
pleton explains. "It's still a violation if 
you give it away—and there can be 
heavy damages if you hurt the value of 
the property.” 

Another tricky copyright area is 
Usenet. Some people reason that any- 
thing posted to Usenet groups, includ- 
ing images, must be copyright-free 
But as Templeton points out, the per- 
son posting an article or image must 
obtain the right to share it—otherwise 
the post and any copies of it are illegal. 
(There is a provision of copyright law 
known as fair use that allows for com- 
mentary, parody, news reporting, re- 
search and education. But that almost 
always involves a short, attributed ex- 
cerpt that does not damage the value of 


the work, An example would be a few 
paragraphs of a novel quoted in a re- 
view. Fair use does not mean that a per- 
son can use an image or article freely as 
long as they give credit.) For an article 
or photograph to become part of the 
public domain, the copyright holder 
must explicitly abandon all legal claims 
to it. PLAYBOY has never done that, and 
you would be hard-pressed to find a 
publisher, writer, photographer or art- 
ist who has. 

Images aren't the only medium pirat- 
ed online. Witness the column stolen 
from Mary Schmich of the Chicago Tri- 
bune. An unknown Net user credited 
her work to Kurt Vonnegut and distrib- 
uted it widely. PLAYBOY articles often get 


the same treatment, though we haven't 
found any attributed to Vonnegut ex- 
cept those he’s written. A more com- 
mon technique is to scan or rekey text 
and credit the work to the talented, 
widely read “Anonymous.” [п one in- 
stance, we published a humorous ex- 
change in The Playboy Forum called “Re- 
al Life Cybersex.” Almost immediately 
after the article appeared, we found it 
posted anonymously on dozens of Web 
sites (including one gay site at which 
the female character had been changed 
to a man). In another example, a col- 
lege student posted a PLAYBOY article 
called Wit and Wisdom of the Supermodel 
on his site. The article, which had been 


renamed, made no mention of its au- 
thors or origin. The student accepted 
awards for his witty compilation from 
Yahoo! Internet Life, Lycos, Internet Under- 
ground and Magellan. We're honored. 

So what's the big deal? It's a big deal 
to us because those images and words 
represent our livelihood. We invest 
millions of dollars in our articles, pho- 
tography and artwork—we've built a 
reputation on them—and a site that in- 
cludes PLAYBOY material creates compe- 
tition we don't need. Our photogra- 
phers and writers have the right to 
control their creative work, like anyone 
else. If a surfer sees one of our photos 
опа site and it looks lousy, that reflects 
badly on us. Even at free sites, Web 
masters usc our photographs to entice 
and impress visitors, and visitors are 
valuable. And pirated material be- 
comes diluted, which affects its worth. 
Everyone sees it everywhere, and no 
опе wants to see it again. A more im- 
portant consideration might be this: If 
someone is willing to steal from 
PLAYBOY, which can afford big-time 
lawyers, what keeps him from stealing 
from you? Maybe they already are. The 
Net is a big place. 

“That's our piece. We realize that 
none of this will stop the flow of hate 
mail invoking Big Brother or calling us 
greedy. Some people on the Net have 
established their own ethical fiefdoms. 
But here'sa suggestion for anyone who 
feels tempted to claim our work as 
their own: Start a magazine from prac- 
tically nothing, sustain it over 44 years, 
build studios staffed with talented pho- 
tographers and technicians, recruit the 
world’s most beautiful women, conduct 
tens of thousands of photo shoots, de- 
velop and process the images, hire edi- 
tors and artistic directors, pay top dol- 
lar for the best ficion and journalism 
and pay the printers’ bills. Fly your 
photographers, writers, scouts and 
models around the world. Discover 
and popularize superstars like Jenny 
McCarthy and Pam Anderson. Develop 
a reputation for quality. To maintain 
that reputation, spend millions more 
taking photos of women who don't 
make the cut. Take that risk. Then 
you'll have plenty of articles and erotic 
images to post on your Web site. In the 
meantime, don't use ours. 


47 


Ме ЖЕМ Wi 


5% ЕАК 


0*5N- D 


what's happening in the sexual and social arenas 


ШШЕ 


LONDON—The Automobile Association 
has cautioned drivers not to look up when 
passing a sexy new billboard. The adver- 
tisement, erected in London and six other 


cities in the UK, features a model wearing 
а tight black dress. The motorized board 
whirs every few seconds and the model 
"strips" to reveal her Pretty Polly tights. 
“Drivers have to be disciplined and keep 
their eyes on the road,” an AA spokesman 
warned. 


AWAY WITH WORDS 7 

DELAND, FLORIDA— The attorney for a 
man facing the death penalty asked the 
judge to declare the punishment a viola- 
tion of the First Amendment. "If someone 
is ри to death, it restricts his right to free- 
dom of speech,” said assistant public de- 
fender Larry Henderson. A jury convicted 
Henderson's 21-year-old client of killing a 
tavern worker by sticking two screwdrivers 
into has neck. 


MINOR INDISCRETION — 


MADISON. WISCONSIN—The state as- 
sembly unanimously endorsed a bill that 
would make it a felony for adults to talk 
dirty to children. The proposed law forbids 
anyone 17 years old or older from giving a 
child a detailed description or narrative of 
sexual excitement, sexually explicit con- 
duct, sadomasochistic abuse or physical 
torture or brutality. The bill stems from a 


case in which a bus driver befriended ele- 
mentary schoolgirls, encouraged them to 
phone him, then talked about explicit sex. 
The proposal, which was sent to the state 
senate, was amended to allow for dirty talk 
between minors. Without the change, one 
legislator said, it would be a crime “for two 
15-year-old schoolboys to talk about what 
15-year-old schoolboys talk about.” 


г PUNCHING OUT 


SALEM, OREGON—The Oregon Supreme 
Court ruled that the state must pay work- 
ers’ compensation to a man who made 
racist comments on the job and was 
punched in the face by a black co-worker. 
Though the exchange had nothing to do 
with the man’s duties, the court ruled that 
his injuries suere work related. Workplace 
hazards, it concluded, include “the risk 
that a co-worker тау lose control of his or 
her emotions and assault the employee.” 


NAKED AGGRESSION: = 


DALLAS—Police arrested four protesters 
who entered a bookstore and destroyed sev- 
eral copies of a collection of art photogra- 
phy by Jock Sturges that includes pictures 
of nude children. Protesters also vandal- 
ized books by Sturges in New York City, 
Denver, Omaha, Kansas City, Indepen- 
dence, Missouri and other cities. James 
Dobson, of the religious right group Focus 
on the Family, and Randall Terry, former 
head of Operation Rescue, organized the 
campaign, which targets Barnes & Noble 
stores that sell Sturges’ шотЁ. The men in- 
sist the photos are child porn. The publici- 
ty created such a demand for the photogra- 
pher's books that the publisher couldn't 
keep up with orders. 


ROME—The Italian Supreme Court has 
broadened the definition. of adultery to in- 
clude “spiritual” betrayal. When a man 
caught his wife cheating, she accused him 
of driving her away with his “intolerable 
behavior.” In an odd twist, the court said 
the husband had been unfaithful. It ruled 
that infidelity includes mental mistreat- 
ment, emotional intimacy with another 
person or excessive indulgence in personal 
interests. By that definition, the husband 
had betrayed the couple's “spiritual and 
physical dedication to each other,” sending 
his wife into the arms of another. 


tees PLO TERROR = 

NEWARK, NEW JERSEY—A female pilot 
won $875,000 from Continental Airlines 
after she sued for sexual harassment. She 
said male pilots left pin-ups and porn hid- 
den in the cockpit. The pilots glued the 
photos to the bottoms of drawers and the 
backs of clipboards, and hid them behind 
panels marked with Xs and in flight man- 
uals. The female pilot said that when she 
complained, male pilots wrote her name on 
some photos in retaliation. Some pilots told 
the Associated Press that hiding porn for 
incoming crews is a traditional “male- 
bonding” prank that has become less com- 
топ as more women become pilots. 


2 CHEEKTO CHEEK — 


KNOXVILLE, TENNESSEE—The Univer- 
sity of Tennessee agreed to pay $300,000 
to a female trainer who saw a football 
player moon another athlete, According to 
a report compiled by the university, the 28- 
year-old trainer was examining quarter- 
back Peyton Manning's foot when he ex- 
posed his buttocks to a male member of the 
track team. Hearing laughter, the woman 
glanced up and found herself 18 to 30 
inches from bare butt. The distressed train- 
er took three months of medical leave, then 


alleged the mooning was part of a pattern 
of harassment in the athletic department. 
Her boss told the university the woman 
had witnessed other moonings, but “the 
difference in this situation must be her 


close proximity.” 


MUSTANG. 


ONTHS SALARY 


VG WW 


— 


TAKE IT EASY. 


ТІМ 


WITH OUR 
SATISFYING 
TASTE. 


PLAYBOY INTERVIEW: CONAN O’BRIEN 


a candid conversation with the preppie prince of "late night” about his rochy start, 
his show's secret one-day оа and how david UTR saved the day 


He vas polite. He was funny. He gave us 
a communicable disease. 

At 34, Conan O'Brien is hotter than the 
fever he was running when we met in his 
‚private domain above the “Late Night” 
soundstage. A gangly, fieckle-faced ex-high 
school geek, he is “one of T hottest ртор- 
erties,” according to “People” magazine. Th 
host of “Late Night With Conan O'Brien 
has become his generation's king of comedy. 

Uneasy lies the head that wears а crown. 
Congested, too, but O'Brien has far more to 
worry about than this head cold. A perfec- 
tionist who broods over one bad minute in an 
otherwise perfect hour of ТИ he worries he 
might be anhedonic. *I have trouble with 
“F was raised to believe 
that if something good happens, something 
bad is coming.” Sure, things look good now. 
"Rolling Stone” calls “Late Night" "ihe 
hottest comedy show on ТИ" Ratings are bet- 
ter than ever, particularly among 18- to 34- 
year-olds, the viewers advertisers crave. 

But O'Brien only works harder. Despite 
his illness, he taped two shows in 26 hours 
on three hours’ sleep. He smoothly inter- 
viewed Elton John, then burst into coughing 
fits during commercials. Later, in his 
cramped corner office overlooking Manhat- 
tan traffic, Conan the Cool gulped DayQuil 
gel caps. He coughed, spewing microbes. 


“How little you understand. Jay, Dave and I 
pal around all the time. We often ride a bicy- 
cle built for three up to the country. We sleep 
in triple-decher bunk beds and snore in uni- 
son like the Three Stooges.” 


“Sorry, sorry,” he said. Of course, O’Brien 
can't complain. He came seriously close 10 
failing, to being banished behind the scenes 
аз just another failed talk show host. 

At his first “Late Night” press conference 
he corrected a reporter who called him a rel- 
ative unknown. "Sir, I am a complete un- 
known,” he said. That line got a laugh, but 
soon O'Brien look doomed. His September 
13, 1993 debut began with O'Brien in his 
dressing room preparing to hang himself, on- 
ly to be interrupted by the stari of the show. 
Before long his career was hanging by a 
thread. Ratings were terrible. Critics hated 
the show. Tom Shales of “The Washington 
Post” called it as “lifeless and messy as road- 
kill.” Shales said O'Brien should quit. 

Network officials held urgent meetings, 
discussing the Conan O'Brien debacle. 
Should they fire hin? How should they ex- 
plain their mistake? 

En the end, of course, he turned it around. 
The network hung with him long enough for 
the ratings to improve, and the host of the 
cooler-than-ever “Late Night” now defines 
comedy's cutting edge, just as Letterman did 
ten years ago. 

Even Shales loves “Late Night" these 
days. He calls O'Brien's turnaround “опе of 
the most amazing transformations in televi- 
sion history.” 


“If Fabio sues me it'll be the best thing that 
ever happened. A publicity bonanza, Court- 
room sketches of Fabio with his man-boobs 
quivering. Me shouting across the court- 
room: "Fabio, let's get it оп!" 


O'Brien was born on April 18, 1963 in 
Brookline, Massachusetts. His father, a doc- 
tor, is a professor al Harvard Medical 
School. His mother, а lawyer, is a partner al 
ап elite Boston law firm. Conan, the third of 
six O'Brien children, became a lector at 
church and a misfit at school. Tall and goofy, 
bedeviled with acne, he tried to impress girls 
with jokes. That plan usually bombed, but 
O'Brien eventually found his niche at Har- 
таға, where he won the presidency of the 
“Harvard Lampoon” in 1983 and again in 
1984—the first two-time “Lampoon” presi- 
dent since humorist Robert Benchley held the 
honor 85 years ago. 

After graduating magna cum laude with 
a double major in literature and American 
history, he turned pro. Writing for HBO's 
“Not Necessarily the News,” O'Brien was 
earning $100,000 a year before his 24th 
birthday. But writing was never enough. 

Не honed his performance skills with the 
Groundlings, а Los Angeles improv group. 
There he worked with his onetime girlfriend 
Lisa Kudrow, now starring on "Friends." 
But Conan was not such а standout. т 1988 
he landed a job at “Saturday Night Liv 
but as a writer, not as on-air talent. In al- 
most four years on the show O'Brien made 
only fleeting appearances, usually as а crowd 
member or security guard. His writing was 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY ОЛИО ROSE 
“The show is my escape valve. When E tear 
off ту shirt and gyrate my pelvis like Robert 
Plant, that just shows you how repressed 1 
ат--а guy who wants to push his sex at the 
lens but can only do it as a joke.” 


51 


т ду IBTOINT 


52 


more memorable. He wrote (or co-wrote) Tom 
Hanks’ “Mr. Short-Term Memory” skits as 
well as the "pump you up" infosatire of. 
Hanz and Franz and the nude beach sketch 
in which Matthew Broderick and “МІ” 
members played nudists admiring one anoth- 
er’s penises. With dozens of mentions of the 
word, that bit was the most penis-heavy mo- 
ment in TV history. It helped O'Brien win 
an Emmy for comedy writing. 

In 1991 he quit “SNE” and moved on to 
“The Simpsons,” where he worked for two 
years. His urge to perform came out in wall- 
bouncing antics in writers’ meetings. “Co- 
nan males you fall out of your chair,” said 
"Simpsons" creator Matt Groening. O'Bri- 
en's yen to act out was so strong that he 
spurned Fox’s reported seven-figure offer to 
continue as a writer, He was dying for the 
spotlight. 

By then David Letterman had announced 
he was jumping ship—leaving NBC, taking 
his top-rated act to CBS. Suddenly NBC was 
up a creek without a host. The network 
turned to Lorne Michaels, O'Brien's "Satur- 
day Night Live” boss. Michaels enlisted Co- 
пап help in the host search, planning to use 
him in a behind-the-scenes job. But when 
Garry Shandling, Dana Carvey and almost 
every other star turned down the chore of fol- 
lowing Letterman, Michaels finally listened 
10 Conan's crazy suggestion: "Let me do it.” 
Michaels persuaded the network to entrust 
its 12:30 slot, which Letterman had turned 
into a gold mine, to an untested wiscass from 
Harvard. 

O'Brien was working on one of his last 
“Simpsons” episodes when he got the news. 
He turned “paler than usual,” Groening re- 
called. Then Conan moseyed back to where 
the other writers were working. “ГИ come 
back with the Homer Simpson joke later. 1 
have to go replace Letterman,” he said. 

NBC execulives now get credit for their 
foresight during those dark days of 1993 
and 1994. They spared the ax and now reap 
the multimillion-dollar spoils of that deci- 
sion. In fact, the story is not so simple. We 
sent Contributing Editor Kevin Cook to un- 
ravel the tale of O'Brien's survival, which he 
tells here for the first time. Cook reports: 

“His office is chock-full of significa. 
There's a three-foot plastic pickle the Letter- 
man staff left behind т 1993—perhaps to 
suggest what a predicament he was in 
There's a copy of Jack Раат ‘I Kid You Nol’ 
and а coffee-table book called ‘Saturday 
Night Live: The First 20 Years.’ His bulletin 
board features letters from fans such as John 
Waters and Bob Dole, and an 8"x10" gl 
of Andy Richter with the inscription: “ 
nan—Your bitter jealousy warms my black 
heart. Love and Kisses, Andy." 

"Of course it’s all for show. From the pho- 
los of kitsch icons Adam West and Robert 
Stack to the framed Stan Laurel autograph, 
from the deathbed painting of Abraham Lin- 
colu to the ironic star taped to Conan’s office 
door—they're all clever signals that tell a 
visitor how to view the star. Lincoln was his 
collegiate preoccupation; stardom is his oc- 
cupation. Somewhere between the two I 


hoped lo find the real O'Brien. 

“As a PLAYBOY reader, he wanted to give 
me а better-than-average interview. I want- 
ed something more—a definitive look at the 
guy who may end up being the Johnny Car- 
son of his generation. 

“Here's hoping we succeeded. If not, I 
carried his germs 3000 miles and infected. 
dozens of Californians for no good reason." 


O'BRIEN: Yes, this is how to do the Playboy 
Interview —completely tanked on cold 
medicine. РИ pick it up and read, “Yes, 
I'm gay." 

PLAYBOY: Wc could talk another timc. 
O'BRIEN: (Coughing) No, it's ОК. I memo- 
rized Dennis Rodman's answers. Can I 
use them? 

PLAYBOY: You sound really sick. Do you 
ever take a day off? 

O'BRIEN: No. The age of talk show hosts’ 
taking days off is over. Johnny Carson 
could go to Africa when he was the only 
game in town—‘See you in two weeks!” 
But nobody docs that now. I will give 
you a million dollars on the first day Jay 
takes off for illness. 

PLAYBOY: Do you ever slow down and en- 


Then NBC picks a guy with 
crazy hair and а weird 
name. From Harvard. And 
the world says, "Harvard? 


Those guys are assholes." 


joy your success? 
O'BRIEN: If anything, the pace is picking 
up. Restaurateurs insist on giving me a 
table even if Im only passing by, so I'm 
eating nine meals a night. Women stop 
me on the street and hand me their 
phone numbers 

PLAYBOY: So you have groupies? 

O'BRIEN: Oh yes. And other fans. Drift- 
ers. Prisoners. Insomniacs. Cab drivers, 
who must watch a lot of late-night TV, 
seem to love me lately. They keep saying, 
ill not pay, you 


PLAYBOY: How a did your new con- 
tract make you? 

O'BRIEN: ‘Terrified. The network said, 
“We're all set for five years.” I said, “Shut 
up, shut up! I can't think that far ahead." 
Tonight, for instance, 1 do my jokes, 
then interview Elton John and Tim 
Meadows. We finished taping about 
6:30. By 6:45 my memory was erased 
and my only thought was, Tomorrow: 
John Tesh. And 1 started to obsess about 
John Tesh. Sad, don't you think? 
PLAYBOY: Not too sad. You got off to a 
rocky start, but now you're so hot that 
Feople magazine recently said, “That was 


then, this is wow." 

O'BRIEN: I try not to pay much attention. 
Since I ignored the critics who said I 
should shoot myself in the head with a 
German Luger, it would be cheating to 
tear out nice reviews now and rub them 
over my body, giggling. Though I have 
thought about it. 

PLAYBOY: Tell us about your trademark 
gag. You interview a photo of Bill Clin- 
ton or some other celeb, and a pair of su- 
perimposed lips provides outrageous 
answers. 

O'BRIEN: We call it the Clutch Cargo bit, 
after that terrible old cartoon series. 
They saved money on animation by su- 
perimposing real lips on the cartoons. Г 
wanted to do topical jokes in a cartoony 
way—not just Conan doing quips at a 
desk. TV is visual; I want things to look 
funny. But we're not Saturday Night Live; 
we couldn't spend $100,000 on it. Hence 
the cheap, cheesy lips. You'd be sur- 
prised how many people we fool. 
PLAYBOY: Viewers believe that's really the 
president yelling, “Yee-ha! Who's got a 
joint?” 

O'BRIEN: It's strange. You may know in- 
tellectually that Clinton doesn’t talk like 
Foghorn Leghorn. Ninety-eight percent 
of your brain knows the president 
wouldn't say, “Whoa, Conan, get a load 
of that girl!” But there are a few brain 
cells that aren't sure. When Bob Dole 
was running for president we had him 
doing a past-life regression: “My соус, 
get away.” And then back further: “Must 
form flippers to dimb onto rocky soil,” 
he says. There may be people out there 
who believe that Bob Dole was the first 
amphibian. 

PLAYBOY: Do you ever go too far? 
O'BRIEN: The fun is in going too far. It'sa 
nice device because you get Bill Clinton 
to do the nastiest Bill Clinton jokes. We'll 
have Clinton make fart noises while I say, 
"Sir! Please!" 

PLAYBOY: Are you enjoying your job now, 
with your new success? 

O'BRIEN: Well, there arc surprises. I hate 
surprises. Like most comedians, I'm a 
control freak. But I’m learning that the 
show works best when it’s out of control. 
"Tonight I ask Elton John if he likes being 
neighbors with Joan Collins. He says he 
isn’t neighbors with Joan Collins. He 
lives next door to Tina Turner. So I pan- 
ic—huge mistake! But Elton saves the 
day. "Joan Collins, Tina Turner, it 
doesn't matter. Either way I could bor- 
row a wig," he says. Huge laugh, all be- 
cause I fucked up. Later he surprised me 
by blurting out that he’s hung like a 
horse. The camera cuts to me shaking 
my head: That crazy Elton. What сап 1 do? 
Of course I'm delighted that he went 
too far. 

PLAYBOY: That “What can I do?" look re- 
sembles a classic take of Jack Benny's. 
O'BRIEN: There's an old saying in litera- 
ture: "Good poets borrow, great poets 
steal.” I think TS. Eliot stole it from Ezra 


Pound. Comics steal, too. Constantly. 
When I watched Johnny Carson I no- 
ticed that he got a few takes from Benny 
and Bob Hope. When a comedy writer 
told me how much Woody Allen had 
borrowed from Hope, I thought, What? 
"They're nothing alike. Then I went back 
and watched Son of Paleface, and there's 
Hope the nervous city guy backing up 
on his heels, wringing his hands and say- 
ing, “Sorry, ГИ just be moving along.” 
Now look at early Woody Allen. You see 
big authority figures and Woody ner- 
vously saying, “Look, I'll just be on my 
way.” Of course Woody made it his own, 
but he must have watched and loved 
Bob Hopc. 

PLAYBOY: Who are your role models? 
O'BRIEN: Carson. 
Woody Allen. SCTV. 
Peter Sellers. When 
Peter Sellers died I 
felt such a loss, think- 
ing, There won't be 
any more of that. 
There's some Steve 
Martin in my false 
bravado with female 
guests: “Why, hel-lo 
there!” And I won't 
deny having some 
Letterman in my 


cloud; his fans and the media were an- 
gry with NBC. Then NBC picks a guy 
with crazy hair and a weird name. From 
Harvard. And the world says, "Harvard? 
"Those guys are assholes." I sincerely 
hope that the winter of December 1993, 
our first winter, was the worst time I will 
ever have. I'd go out to do the warm-up 
and the back two rows of seats would be 
empty. That's hard to look at. I would 
tell a joke and then hear someone whis- 
per, "Who's he? Where's Dave?" 

PLAYBOY: You had trouble getting guests. 
O'BRIEN: Bob Denver canceled on us. Ме 
shot a test show featuring Al Lewis of The 
Munsters. We did the Clutch Cargo thing 
with a photo of Herman Munster. Un- 
fortunately Fred Gwynne, who played 


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tactical. The network gets very specific 
data. Say there was a drop in the ratings 
between 12:44 and 12:48 when I was 
talking to Jon Bon Jovi. ГИ be told, 
“Don't ever talk to him again." Or they'll 
want me to tease viewers into staying 
with us: "You should tease that—say, 
‘We'll have nudity coming up next! " 
PLAYBOY: You did come close to being 
canceled. 

O'BRIEN: We were canceled. 

PLAYBOY: Really? You have never admit- 
ted that. 

O'BRIEN; This is the first time Гус talked 
about it. When I had been on about а 
year, there was a meeting at the network. 
They decided to cancel my show. They 
said, “It’s canceled." 
Next day they real- 
ized they had noth- 
ing else to put in the 
12:30 slot, so we got a 
reprieve. 

PLAYBOY Were you 
worried sick? 
O'BRIEN: I went into 
denial. I tried hard 
not to think, Yes, I'm 
bad on the air and 
my show has none of 
the things a TV show 


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O'BRIEN: I didn't 
get ratings. That 
doesn't mean I didn't 
get laughs. Yes, 1 had 
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host. Late Night With 
Conan is supposed to be a work in 
progress, and now that we've had some 
success there's a danger of our getting 
too polished and morphing into some- 
thing smoothly professional. Which 
would suck. 

Do you know why I wanted this show? 
Because Late Night With David Letterman 
played with the rules and it looked like 
fun. Here was a place where people did 
risky comedy every night for millions of 
people. We had to keep this thing alive. 
There should be a place on а big neı- 
work where people are still messing 
around. 

PLAYBOY: How bad were your early days 
on the show? 
O'BRIEN: Bad. Dave left here under а 


Herman, had recently died, and Al 
Lewis kept pointing at the screen, say- 
ing, "You're dead! I was at your funeral!” 
PLAYBOY: For months you got worried 
notes from network executives. What 
did they say? 

O'BRIEN: They were worried. The fact 
that Lorne Michaels was involved 
bought me some time. But Lorne had 
turned to me at the start and said, "OK, 
Conan. What do you want to do?" Now 
television critics were after ше and thc 
network was starting to realize what а 
risk I was. Suggestions came fast and fu- 
rious. I kept the note that said, "Why 
don't you die?” 

PLAYBOY: Did they suggest ways to be 
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Sometimes I'd meet 
a programming di- 
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station where we 
had no rating at all. 
The guy would show 
me @ printout with 
no number for Late 
Night's rating, just a 
hash mark or pound 
sign. I didn't dare 
think about that 
when I went out to 
do the show. 
PLAYBOY: Are you de- 
fending denial? 
O'BRIEN: How else does anyone get 
through a terrible experience? The odds 
were against me. Rationally, I didn't 
have much chance. Denial was my only 
friend. When I look back on the first 
year, it's like a scene from an old war 
movie: Ordinary guy gets thrown into 
combat, somehow beats impossible odds, 
staggers to safety. His buddy says, “You 
could have been killed!” The guy stops 
and thinks. “Could һауе been killed?" he 
says. His cyes cross and he faints. 
PLAYBOY: low did you dodge the bullet? 
O'BRIEN: There were people at NBC who 
stood up for me. I will always be indebt- 
ed to [NBC West Coast president] Don 
Ohlmeyer, who stuck to his guns. Don 


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with him unless we get a better plan." He 
was brutally honest. He came to me and 
said, “Give me about а 15 percent bump 
in the ratings and you'll stay on the ай: If 
not, we're going to move on.” 

PLAYBOY: Ohlmeyer started his career in 
the sports division. 

actly. His take was, “You're on 
our team.” Of course it wasn't exactly ra- 
tional of Don to hope Ud be 15 percent 
funnier. It was like telling a farmer, *It 
better rain this week or we'll take your 
farm." 

PLAYBOY: What did you say to Ohlmeyer? 
O'BRIEN: There wasn't time. I had to go 
out and do a monolog. But I will always 
be indebted to Don because he told me 
the truth. Wait a minute—you have 
somehow tricked me into talking loving- 
ly about an NBC executive. Let me say 
that there were others who were beneath 
contempt—executives who wouldn't 
know a good show if it кмат up their 
asses and lit a campfire. 

PLAYBOY: Finally the ratings went your 
way. Hard work rewarded? 

O'BRIEN: Well, I also paid off the Nielsen 
people. That was $140,000 well spent 
PLAYBOY: Ohlmeyer plus bribery saved 
you? 

O'BRIEN: There was something else. Just 
when everyone was kicking the crap out 
of the show, Letterman defended me. 
PLAYBOY: Letterman had signed off on 
NBC saying, “I don't really know Conan 
O'Brien, but I hear he killed someune.” 
O'BRIEN: Then I pick up the paper and 
he's saying he thinks I'm going to make 
it. "They do some interesting, innovative 
stuff over there," he says. “I think Conan 
will prevail." And then he came on ту 
show as a guest. Remember, this was 
when we were at our nadir. There was 
no Machiavellian reason for David Let- 
terman, who at the time was the biggest 
thing in show business, to be on my 
show. 

PLAYBOY: Why did he do it? 

O'BRIEN: I'm sull not sure. Maybe out of a 
sense of honor. Fair play. And it woke me 
up. Itmade me think, Hey, we have a те- 
al fucking television show here. 

Of six or seven pivotal points in my 
short history here, that was the first and 
maybe the biggest. I wouldn't be sitting 
here—I probably wouldn't exist today— 
ifhe hadn't done our show 
PLAYBOY: The Late Night wars were hard- 
ly noted for friendly gestures. 

O'BRIEN: How little you understand. Jay. 
Dave and I pal around all the time. We 
often ride a bicyde built for three up to 
Nice job with Fran Dresch- 
er!” “Thanks, pal. You weren't so bad 
with John Tesh.” We sleep in triple-deck- 
er bunk beds and snore in unison like 
the Three Stooges. 

PLAYBOY: You talk more about Letterman 
than about your NBC teammate Leno 
O'BRIEN: I hate the “Leno or Letterman, 
who's better?” question. I can tell you 
that Jay has been great to me. He calls 


me occasionally. 
PLAYBOY: To say what? 

O'BRIEN: (Doing Leno's voice) “Hey, liked 
that bit you did last night.” Or he’ 1 
he saw we got a good rating. I call him at 
work, too. It can be a strange conversa- 
tion because we're so different. Jay, for 
instance, really loves cars. He's got an- 
tique cars with kerosene lanterns, cars 
that run on peat moss. He'll be telling 
me about some classic car he has, made 
entirely of brass and leather, and ГИ say, 
“Yeah man, I got the Taurus with the 
vinyl.” One thing we have in common is 
bad guests. There are certain actors, 
celebrities with nothing to say, who move 
through the talk show world wreaking 
havoc. They lay waste to Dave’s town 
and Jay's town, then head my way 
PLAYBOY: You must be getting some good 
guests. Your ratings have shown a 
marked improvement 

O'BRIEN: Remember, when you're on at 
12:30 the Nielsens are based on 80 peo- 
ple. My ratings drop if one person Ваза 
head cold and goes to bed early. 
PLAYBOY: Actually you're seen by about 3 
million people a night. Your ratings 
would be even higher if college dorms 
weren't excluded from the Nielsens. 
How many points does that costs you? 
O'BRIEN: I told you I'm an idiot. Now I 
have to do math, too? 

PLAYBOY: Do you still get suggestions 
from NBC executives? 

O'bRIEN: Not as шапу. The number of 
notes you getis inversely proportional to 
your ratings. 

PLAYBOY: What keeps you motivated? 
O'BRIEN: Superstition. We have а stage- 
hand, Bobby Bowman, who holds up the 
curtain when I run out for the monolog. 
He is the last person I see before the 
show starts, and I have to make him 
laugh before I go out. 

It started with mild jabs: "Bobby, 
you're drunk again." Bobby laughs, hee- 
hee. Then it was, "Still having trouble 
with the wife, Bobby?" But after hun- 
dreds of shows you find yourself run- 
ning out of lines. It's gotten to where 1 
do crass things at the last second. I'll put 
his hand on my ass and yell, “You fuck- 
ing pervert!” Or drop to my knees and 
say, “Come on, Bobby, I'll give you a 
blow job!” 

“Ha-ha. Conan, you're crazy,” he says. 
But even that stuff wears off. Soon I'll be 
making the writers work late to give me 
new jokes for Bobby. 

PLAYBOY: Did you plan to be a talk show 
host or did you fall into the job? 
O'BRIEN: I y Irish Catholic kid from 
St. Ignatius parish in Brookline, outside 
Boston. And that meant: Don’t call atten- 
lion to yourself. Don't ask for too much when 
the pie comes around. Don't get a girl preg- 
nant and fuck up your life. 

PLAYBOY: Were you an altar boy? 
O'BRIEN: I wanted to be an altar boy, but 
the priest at St. Ignatius said, "No, no. 
You're good on your feet, kid,” and 


made me а lecıor. А scripture reader at 
Mass. He was the one who spotted my 
talent. 

PLAYBOY. What did you think of sex in 
those days? 

O'BRIEN: I was sexually repressed. At 161 
still thought human reproduction was by 
mitosis. 

PLAYBOY: How did you get over your sex- 
ual repression? 

O'BRIEN: Who says I got over it? My leg 
has been jiggling this whole time. 
PLAYBOY. What were you like in high 
school? 

O'BRIEN: Like a crane galumphing down 
the hall. A crane with weird hair, bad 
skin and Clearasil. Big enough for bas- 
ketball but lousy at it. My older brothers 
were better. 1 would compensate by run- 
ning around the court doing comedy, 
saying, “Look out, this player has a drug 
addiction. He's incredibly egotistical.” 

I was an asshole at home, too. My little 
brother Justin loved playing cops and 
robbers, but I kept tying him up with bu- 
reaucratic bullshit. When he'd catch me 
I'd say, “I get to call my lawyer.” Then it 
was, "OK, Justin, we're at trial and 
you've been charged with illegal arrest. 
Fill out these forms in triplicate." Justin 
was eight; he hated all the lawsuits and 
countersuits. He just cried. 

PLAYBOY: Were you a class clown? 
O'BRIEN: Never. 1 was never someone 
who walked into a room full of strangers 
and started ielling jokes. You had to get 
to know me before I could make you 
laugh. The same thing happened with 
Late Night. 1 needed time to get the right 
rhythm with Andy and Max and the 
audience. 

PLAYBOY: So how did you finally learn 
about sex? 

O'BRIEN: My parents gave me a book, but 
it was useless. At the crucial moment, all 
it showed was a man and a woman with 
the bedcovers pulled up to their chins. I 
tried to find out more from friends, but 
it didn't help. One childhood friend told 
mc it was like parking a car in a garage. 1 
kept worrying about poisonous fumes. 
What if fumes build up? Should you shut 
off the engine? 

PLAYBOY: For all your talk of being re- 
pressed, you can be rowdy on the air. 
O'BRIEN: The show is my escape valve. 
When I tear off my shirt and gyrate my 
pelvis like Robert Plant, feigning an or- 
gasm into the microphone, that shows 
how repressed I am—a guy who wants to 
push his sex at the lens but can only do it 
аза joke, 

PLAYBOY: Aren't you tempted to live 
it up? 

O'BRIEN: 1 always imagined that if I were 
a TV star I would live the way I pictured 
Johnny Carson living. Carousing, step- 
ping out of a limo wearing a velvet ascot 
with a model on my arm. Now that I 
have the TV show, I drive up to Con- 
necticut on weekends and tool around in 
my car. 1 could probably join a free-sex 


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cult, smoke crack between orgies and 
drive sports cars into swimming pools, 
and my Catholic guilt would still be 
there, throbbing like a toothache. Be 
careful. If something good happens, some- 
thing bad is on the шау. 
PLAYBOY: Yet you don't mind licking 
supermodels. 
O'BRIEN: At one point a fev of them lived 
in my building, women who are so beau- 
tiful they almost look weird, like aliens. 
Io me, a woman who has a certain unap- 
proachable amount of beauty becomes 
almost funny. It’s the same with male 
models. They look like big puppets. So 
while I admire their beauty I probably 
won't be *romantically linked" with a 
model. I'd catch my reflection in a ball- 
room mirror and break up laughing. 
PLAYBOY: The horny Roy Orbison growl 
you use on gorgeous guests sounds real 
enough 
O'BRIEN: Oh, I've been doing that shit 
since high school. It just never worked 
before. 
PLAYBOY: Your father is a doctor, your 
mother an attorney. What do they think 
of their son the comedian? 
O'BRIEN: My dad was the one who told 
me denial was a virtue. "Denial is how 
people get through horrible things," he 
said. He also cut out a newspaper article 
in which I said I was making money off 
something for which I should probably 
be treated. So true, he thought. But 
when I got an Emmy for helping w 
Saturday Night Live, my parents put it on 
the mantel next to a crucifix. Here's Je- 
sus looking over, saying. “Wow, I saved 
mankind from sin, but I wish I had an 
Emmy.” 
PLAYBOY: Ever been in therapy? 
O'BRIEN: Yes. I don't trust it. I have told 
therapists that I don't particularly want 
to feel good. "Repression and fear, that's 
my fuel.” But the therapists said that I 
had nothing to worry about. “Don't wor- 
ry, Conan, you will always be plenty 
fucked up.” 
PLAYBOY: When a female guest comes 
out, how do you know whether to shake 
her hand or kiss her? Is that rehearsed? 
O'BRIEN: No, and it's awkward. If you go 
to shake her hand and her head starts 
coming right at you, you have to change 
strategy fast. I have thought about using 
the show to make women kiss me, but 
that would probably creep out the peo- 
ple at home. 

I decided not to kiss Elton. 
PLAYBOY: Do you get all fired up if Cin- 
dy Crawford or Rebecca Romijn does 
the show? 
O'BRIEN: I like making women laugh. Al- 
ways have, ever since I discovered you 
can get girls’ attention by acting like ап 
ass. "That's one of the joys of the show— 
I'm working my eyebrows and going 
grrr and she's laughing, the audience is 
laughing. It's all a big put-on and I'm 
thinking, This is great. Here is a beauti- 


56 ful woman who has no choice but to put 


up with this shit. 

But it’s not always put on. Sometimes 
they flirt back. Occasionally there's a bit 
of chemistry. That happened with Jen- 
nifer Connelly of The Rockeleer. 

PLAYBOY: One guest, Jill Hennessy, took 
off her pants for you. Then you removed 
yours. Even Penn and Teller took off 
their pants. 

O'BRIEN: Something comes over me. It 
happened with Rebecca Romijn—I was 
practically climbing her. Those are the 
times when Andy and the audience seem 
to disappear and it's just me and this 
lovely woman sitting there flirting. I 
keep expecting a waiter to say, “More 
wine, Monsieur?” 

PLAYBOY: Would you lick the wine bottle? 
O'BRIEN: It's true, there is a lot of licking 
on the show. I have licked guests. I have 
licked Andy. Comedy professionals will 
read this and say, “Great work, Conan 
Impressive.” But I have learned that 
if you lick a guest, people laugh. If I 
pick this shoe off the floor, examine it, 
Hmmm, and then lick it, people laugh. 1 
learned this lesson on The Simpsons, 
where 1 was the writer who was forever 
trying to entertain the other writers. 1 
still try desperately to make our writers 
laugh, which is probably a sign of sick- 
ness since they work for me now. Licking 
is опе of those things that looks funny. 
PLAYBOY: Johnny Carson never licked Ed 
McMahon. 

O'BRIEN: We are much more physical and 
stupid than the old Tonight Show. Even in 
our offices before the show there's al- 
ways some writer acting out a scene, 
crashing his head through my door. A 
behind-the-scenes look at our show 
might frighten people. 

PLAYBOY: One night you showed a doc- 
tored photo of Craig T. Nelson having 
sex with Jerry Van Dyke. Did they com- 
plain about it? 

O'BRIEN: 1 haven't heard trom them. ОГ 
course I am blessed not to be part of the 
celebrity pond. 1 have a television show 
in New York, an NBC outpost. I don't 
run with or even run into many Holly- 
wood people. 

PLAYBOY: You also announced that Tori 
Spelling has a penis. 

O'BRIEN: I did not. Polly the Peacock said 
that. 

PLAYBOY: Another character you use to 
say the outrageous stuff. 

O'BRIEN: Polly is not popular with the 
network. 

PLAYBOY: You mock Fabio, too. 

O'BRIEN: If he sues me, it'll be the best 
thing that ever happened. A publicity 
bonanza. Courtroom sketches of Fabio 
vith his man-boobs quivering, shaking 
his fist, and me shouting at him across 
the courtroom. I'm not afraid of Fabio. 
He knows where to find me. I'm saying 
it right here for the record: Fabio, lets 
get it on, 

PLAYBOY: Ever have a run-in with an an- 
gry celeb? 


O'BRIEN: I did a Kelsey Grammer joke a 
few years ago, something about his inter- 
esting lifestyle, then heard through the 
network that he was upset. He had ap- 
peared on my show and expected some 
support. At this point my intellect says, 
“Kelsey Grammer is a public figure. I 
was in the right.” Then I saw him in an 
airport. Kelsey didn't see me at first; 
I could have kept walking. But there 
he was, eating a cruller in the airport 
lounge. I thought I should go over. 

I said hello and then said, “Kelsey, I'm 
sorry if I upset you." And he was glad. 
Не looked relieved. He said, “Oh, that's 
OK." We both felt better. 

PLAYBOY: Now that you're doing so well, 
do you worry about losing your edge? 
O'BRIEN: I fear being a victim of success. 
It's seductive. You have new choices. 
"Conan, Sylvester Stallone wants to be 
on, but we're already booked." My feel- 
ing is that I must say no to Stallone. 
"Sorry, Sly. Bob Denver's on that night." 
PLAYBOY: How's your relationship with 
NBC executives now that the show is a 
Success? 

O'BRIEN: Better, But I have not forgotten 
the bad old days. Let me tell you about 
one executive. He's no longer with the 
company. I had him killed. But in our 
darker days he came to the set one night 
when we did a great show. I come off af- 
ter the show and this guy says, “Wow, 
that was terrible." He thought the show 
should look like M'TV. *Run into the au- 
dience and tell jokes. Run up to a guy, 
have him shout his name, get everybody 
cheering.” 

PLAYBOY: You didn’t agree, apparently. 
O'BRIEN: Too much of television is energy 
with no purpose. People going 
“Whooo!” But that’s just empty energy. 
"That's American Gladiators. Y often try to 
lower the energy, especially when school 
is out and college kids are here. They're 
huge fans, they're psyched, but we're a 
quirky weird comedy show, not MTV 
Spring Break. 

PLAYBOY: Were you thrilled when the 
Marv Albert sex case hit the news? 
O'BRIEN: Oh man, was I into Магу. I 
would love to trick you into thinking I'm 
high-minded, but that story made me 
think, My God, yes, ГИ use this, and 
this.. 


thered me the way he was 
ed. People were getting off 
on the kinky stuff; they condemned 
Marv for wearing women’s clothes, 
which isn't a crime. 

PLAYBOY: Yet tonight you did a Marv Al- 
bert joke. You said Marv had a new job as 
a mannequin at Victoria's Secret. 
O'BRIEN: You can be uncomfortable with 
it and still use it. Isn't that what guilt is 
all about? 

PLAYBOY: What comedy bits do you re- 
gret doing? 

O'BRIEN: We did one with a character 
called Randy the Pyloric Sphincter. Now, 
the point of the joke is that this is not. 


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the sphincter that excrement passes 
through. The pyloric sphincter is at 
the top of the digestive tract. It basic- 
ally keeps acid from going up into the 
esophagus. 

We had a guy in a sphincter costume 
and a cowboy hat. He says, “Hi kids, I'm 
Randy the Pyloric Sphincter. No, not 
that bad sphincter! When food passes 
through me, it isn’t digested yet.” He 
then proceeds to squeeze foods that look 
like shit whether they're digested or not. 
Chocolate. Picture а sphincter exuding a 
huge chocolate bar. We were grossing 
people out 
PLAYBOY: So why put Randy on the air? 
O'BRIEN: I just loved the fact that he wore 
a cowboy hat. 

PLAYBOY: What sorts of bits do you refuse 
to do? 

O'BRIEN: Arbitrary humor. A writer says, 
“Here’s the sketch: Conan jumps into a 
barrel of wheat germ." ГИ ask him 
where the joke is. 

“Ius crazy, that's all.” 

Look, I was a comedy writer. I've been 
through this before. If the joke is that 
there is no joke, the writer gets no check. 
PLAYBOY: Jumping into wheat germ 
sounds like Letterman. 

O'BRIEN: My show began with me and 
everyone involved with the show doing 
all we could to avoid being anything like 
Letterman. Which is difficult. He invent- 
ed a lot of the form. He carved out a big 
territory. He's the Viking who discov- 
ered America, and now I have my little 
piece of northwestern Canada that I'm 
trying to claim аз my own. 

PLAYBOY: So how do you avoid being 
Dave-like? 

O'BRIEN: We have always scrupulously 
avoided found comedy. You never see 
me going up and talking to normal Joe 
on the street. The real world of people, 
dogs, cabbies—Letterman is great at 
that. His genius, I think, is playing with 
the real world around him. Which is not 
my forte at all. My idea is more about 
creatinga fake, cartoony world and play- 
ing with that 

PLAYBOY: Are you goofy in real life? 
O'BRIEN: My private life is boring. I have 
been with the same woman, Lynn Kap- 
lan, for four years, and there ain't noth- 
ing crazy going on. Lynn isa talent book- 
er on our show. We go to my house in 
Connecticut on weekends. I sit around 
playing guitar. 

PLAYBOY: Gossip columns have placed 
you in Manhattan with other women. 
O'BRIEN: One of them had me with 
Courteney Cox. Lisa Kudrow and I did 
improv together years ago and we went 
ош for a while. Maybe that’s why I can 
now be romantically linked to the entire 
cast of Friends. 1 may be thrilled with 
that, but my girlfriend is one of those 
people who believe everything they 
read in the tabloids. She's sitting at the 
table in Connecticut when she opens 


58 a tabloid and says, "What the hell?" 


There's a big photo of me with Courte- 
ney Cox. The story says, "Courteney's 
moving in with Conan.” 

PLAYBOY: Did Lynn believe it? 

O'BRIEN: No, because the story went on 
to say, "Conan and Courteney were seen 
at the Fashion Café munching veggie 
burgers." That sentence ended her faith 
in tabloids. Lynn knows that I would 
never (a) go to the Fashion Café and (b) 
eat a veggie burger. I'm an Irish Catholic 
kid from Boston; I'll eat red meat until 
my heart explodes out of my chest. 
PLAYBOY: Do you still drive an old Ford 
Taurus? 

O'BRIEN: When I got my five-year con- 
tract [ moved up. Bought a Range 
Rover. Now I drive the Range Rover to 
Connecticut for the weekend, parl 
and tool around in the Taurus all week- 
end. I can't let go of that Taurus. It's an 
extension of my penis. 

PLAYBOY: Can you forget about the show 
all weekend? 

O'BRIEN: I drive around playing Jerry 
Reed tapes, fantasizing that I'm some 
backwoods character. But even then— 
you know, it’s probably not an accident 
that people who do these shows tend to 
be depressive. You want so badly for it to 
be right every night, but mounting an 
hour-long show four times a week ће 
расе will kill you. One night I put my fist 
through a tile wall. Another night I 
walked off the stage, pulled an air-condi- 
tioning unit out of the wall and kicked it. 
‘This is stuff I can't explain. Nor can I ех- 
сизе it. But there may be something 
maddening about these shows. The pace 
is... I forget shows we did last week. 
That's why I can't imagine doing this for 
30 years. I bet you could show Johnny 
Carson footage of how he shrieked as his 
body was lowered into acid and he'd say, 
“Hmm, don’t remember that one.” 

I saw Jerry Seinfeld at the Emmy 
Awards. He said he liked the show, then 
he paused and said, “How do you do it?” 

“Do what?" 

“Do what you do every night for an 
hour?” 

That shocked me. This is Jerry Sein- 
feld, the master. A man everyone can 
agree is funny. And I really have no 
answer. 

PLAYBOY: Praise from Seinfeld must 
cheer you up. 

O'BRIEN: (Shaking his head) I worry that 
we have hit our stride and must be head- 
ed for a fall. Because every show has ап 
arc. The Honeymooners had an arc. People 
forget, but at the beginning The Honey- 
mooners was mean and depressing. Art 
Carney wasn't fun and cuddly yet. Even 
successful shows take time to find their 
rhythm. Then they get self-indulgent 
and fuck it up. Look at late Happy Days 
episodes. They quit shooting on loca- 
tion, Mork keeps visiting, and it's an ex- 
cuse to spin off new shows. 

PLAYBOY: Will you fuck it up, too? 
O'BRIEN: Eventually my only consolation 


may be that I get paid a lot. I'll say, “I 
know it sucks, but I'm getting $65 mil- 
lion a year!” 
PLAYBOY: Letterman said almost exactly 
that not long ago. When a joke died he 
admitted it sucked. "But Гіп making a 
fortune!" he said. Do vou really worry 
about losing your edge? 
O'BRIEN: 1 want a living will for my ca- 
reer. I want the people around me to 
pull the plug when I become а self-paro- 
dy, an old blowhard like Alan Brady. Re- 
member him, the television star Rob 
Petrie worked for on the Dick Van Dyke 
Show? Pompous, over-the-top, over-the- 
hill. I don't want to be Alan Brady. 
PLAYBOY: Letterman paid you an odd 
compliment. "When I see that show it 
withers me with exhaustion," he said. 
O'BRIEN: That's our new slogan. “Watch 
Late Night—We'll Wither You." But I 
think Dave was saying that he knows 
how hard it is to make a show like this 
every night. 
PLAYBOY. Suppose Leno left The Tonight 
Show. Would you like to duel Dave at 
11:307 
O'BRIEN: Our best slot would be eight a.m. 
We have puppets, cartoons, lots of child- 
ishness. I think I'm doing an OK late- 
night show but a great kids’ show. 
PLAYEOY: This from Mr. Hip? 
O'BRIEN: No. When someone says this or 
that sort of comedy is hip and alterna- 
tive—"Yes, these are the cool people"—I 
hate that. Because at the end of the day. 
funny is funny. People get fooled about 
me because I went to Harvard. "He's 
cerebral." But I love Green Acres. I love 
how Green Aces bends reality. 
PLAYBOY: Sounds cerebral. 
O'BRIEN: It isn't. In one episode Oliver 
Douglas has to go to Washington, D.C. 
His wife says, "Darling, take a picture of 
the Eiffel Tower." He says, "Lisa, the 
fel Tower " Then Eb comes in. “Mr. 
Douglas, git me an Eiffel Tower post- 
card!” Now Oliver is terribly frustrated. 
He keeps sputtering about Washington, 
D.C., but nobody listens. At the end, he 
goesto Washington, looks up and there's 
the Eiffel Tower. That isthe kind of thing 
that made me love TV. 
PLAYBOY: As a T V-mad college kid you 
cooked up scams to meet celebs. 
O'BRIEN: I wanted to meet Bill Cosby, so 
my friends and I offered him some fake 
award. We took a bowling trophy and 
called it the Harvard Comedy Award, 
something like that, and Cosby, thinking 
it was the Hasty Pudding Award, accept- 
ed. So 1 drive out to meet his private 
plane. "Over here, Mr. Cosby!" And I 
chauffeur him in my dad's secondhand 
station wagon. Cosby sits in the backseat, 
picking old McDonald's wrappers off the 
floor, and says, “This is about the Hasty 
Pudding Award?" 

“Oh no, nothing like that.” 
PLAYBOY: You tricked Bill Cosby into let- 
ting you drive him around? 

(continued on page 161) 


WHAT SORT OF MAN READS PLAYBOY? 


He's а man who knows how to celebrate romance. His credo: Take your time and be lavish. For 
Valentine's Day he booked the executive suite and ordered roses and vintage champagne before 
he proposed—that they do a bubbly encore next year. PLAYBOY men drank 1.6 million glasses сї 
champagne last month, more than the readers of Esquire, Vanity Fair and Success com- 
bined. PLAYBOY—month after month, it's the class in a glass. (Source: Spring 1997 MRI.) 


59 


why 
women 
say 


yes 


REAL STORIES 
ABOUT FINDING 
THE KEY TO 


THE BEDROOM DOOR 


Е ВЕС, we plead. We cajole, 
| we woo. We lavish them with. 
compliments, we lavish them 
with presents. We show up 
at their doors with flowers 
and candy. We take them to concerts, 
movies and sporting events featuring. 
the highly paid spokesmen of sporting- 
goods manufacturers. We take them to 
restaurants that feature the cuisine of. 
countries we used to be at war with. 
And yes, we even meet the parents. 

Sometimes, a beautiful and mean- 
ingful thing comes of all this. Some- 
times, they let down their guard—as 
well as their skirts, their blouses, their 
wispy undergarments—and consent to 
have sex with us. And even when we 
are so blessed and rewarded, we still 
have a nagging sense of unknowing. At 
our core, we are uncertain of why they 
said yes. Was it something we said? 
Something we did? If it was, would it 
have the same glorious effect if we were 
то say it or do it again? Or is it all just 
whim? Or fatigue? Or the invigorating 
thought that every once in a while they 
just want to tear off a piece too? 

We recruited Alison Lundgren and 
Tracey Pepper to help us out. They 
asked some women to think back to 
those moments when the sexual scale 
could have tipped either way, and then 
clue us in on why it tipped in our favor. 
Here's what they found out. 

Claudia, 24: Intensity turns me on. I 
once dated an artist who asked me to 
model for him. I told him I wouldn't. 
model nude, so he agreed to draw just. 
my face. We went to his apartment and 


ILLUSTRATION BY GUY BILLOUT. 


PLAYBOY 


62 


1 sat there while he stared at me, 
sketching every hair and freckle. He 
examined the texture of my skin and 
the lines of my face. It was strange, yet 
intimate and sensual because he was to- 
tally focused on me, peering into my 
eyes for hours. After that I felt attached 
to him, like he knew every inch of me 
by heart. I figured if he was that fo- 
cused he would be great in bed. 

Kelly, 28: Recklessness gets me 
aroused. I'll definitely respond to a guy 
with a certain mischievous gleam in his 
eye. A guy who's macho, who will fight 
for me if need be, makes me feel very 
feminine. Once, a guy I liked and I 
broke up with our significant others on 
the same night. To commiserate, we 
drank some beer and drove around for 
hours. The fact that he kept driving 
and promising that everything would 
be OK made me feel close to him. 

Carolyn, 25: I will likely say yes to a 
guy who doesn’t expect me to have sex 
with him. When I'm hooking up with 
someone and he whispers that he has 
а condom or—my favorite—that he 
“wants to be inside me,” it makes 
me want to laugh and/or cringe. It's 
like an after-school special or a bad 
soap opera. The guys who don't seem 
so eager intrigue me. But those guys 
are few and far between. 

Gwynnie, 35: Sex should be fun, ro- 
mantic, intense and bonding. I like to 
experience a range of emotions, so ГИ 
say yes to a guy who will provide any or 
all of those things. I watch guys to see 
how they act on a date. If a man is ani- 
mated out of bed, for example, he is 
probably great in bed. If he's lame dur- 
ing dinner, he'll be a lousy lover. 

Lisa, 30: lf a guy catches me off 
guard, it will move me to say yes. Re- 
cently, I was out with a group of people 
at a bar that was about to close. I'd met 
the sexy bar owner before but he 
hadn't seemed interested. That night, 
he was exceptionally nice to me. He 
said he had just broken up with his 
girlfriend, and J realized he had poten- 
tial—not just for one night but also to 
hang with. When the bar closed, he 
asked me to stay Юг a drink and I fig- 
ured, Why not? I liked him and want- 
ed him to like me. He turned off all 
the lights and cranked up the Dave 
Matthews Band. We sat at the bar and 
kissed, with the streetlights coming in 
the window, then we decided to move 
back to the velvet couch by the pool 
table. He said he hadn't had sex in a 
while, and I felt I had an overwhelm- 
ing power to make him feel good. He 
joked about bad things that were going 
on in his life. His great sense of humor 
took the edge off the fact that we didn't 
know each other very well. And he 
wanted to know about me—what 1 did 
and where I was from. It was refresh- 


ing to be with someone who was real, 
who wasn't talking about how great һе 
was the whole time. When he found 
out I had no underwear on, it was a 
done deal. 

Nicole, 26: I like men who are con- 
servative but have a wild side. I went 
out a few times with this guy who had 
the khaki pants-loafers-buttondown 
shirt thing going on. He was well man- 
nered, well dressed, well read and 
didn't seem funky or offbeat at all. Bor- 
ing! One night we went out for a drive 
and he played me a tape of this great 
band. Turns out that it was his writing, 
singing and guitar playing we were lis- 
tening to. From then on, I saw him as 
an artistic, creative, complete person. I 
couldn't wait to find out what was un- 
der his buttondown. 

Hannah, 28: Sweet men get my vote. 
On my third date with one guy, we 
took a bike ride up and down the lake. 
We'd stop and make out, then keep. 
riding. When it started to get dark out, 
he said he wanted ice cream. Most guys 
would want to go to a bar and try to get 
me drunk and into bed. But he wanted 
ice cream, which showed me he was 
caring and sensual. 

Emma, 27: My first impression of my 
current boyfriend was that he was а 
complete dork I wouldn't sleep with in 
a million years. But he engaged me ina 
very comical conversation about all the 
women he had slept with. At first 1 
thought, This guy? What do other wom- 
en see in him that I don't? As we talked, 
I realized how sexually confident he 
was. He was sarcastic and annoying, yet 
flirty. I was intrigued. He came on to 
me even though I wied to blow him off. 
The more outrageous the stories he 
told, the more I wanted him. It was like 
verbal foreplay. Then he started brag- 
ging about his huge penis. That should 
have been a red flag, but it was funny. 
In fact, he offered to show it to me. I 
wanted to see if he was telling the 
truth, and we ended up having the 
wildest sex I've ever had. 

Teri, 51: The most important thing 
15 that the man makes me feel like I'm. 
the sexiest, most sensual woman he's 
ever been with. Irs what he does for 
my ego, how mentally good he makes 
me feel, that draws me in. I'm flat- 
chested—a 34B—but one of the best 
men I've ever been with made me feel 
like the most voluptuous woman in the 
world. The things that I felt vulnerable 
about were the things he said attracted 
him to me. He made me feel so wanted, 
which made me want him. 

Betsy, 23: I met my current boy- 
friend at a party my roommates and I 
threw. Га seen him before and thought 
he was cute. We put on disco music and 
I tried to get my boyfriend at the time 
to dance, but he wouldn't. So I was 


out there alone, making a fool of my- 
self, until the cute guy rescued me. We 
danced, cheesy couples style, and real- 
ly got into it. He was very physical and 
aware of my body, putting his hands on 
my back and hips. I wanted to sleep 
with him because he was game for any- 
thing and not so uptight as the person 
I was seeing. After my boyfriend and I 
broke up, I saw the guy in a bar and 
asked him out. 

Micha, 25: I'll eventually give in to a 
guy who is persistent in his attempts to 
get me to go out with him. But some- 
one hitting on you needs to recognize 
when persistence becomes annoying. 
Guys, ifa woman walks away from you 
while you're talking to her, that's а 
good sign 10 give up. 

Sadie, 35: When a man touches me 
at just the right time during a date, it 
can really heat things up. It tells me 
that he can read a woman, that he has 
a good sense of timing. Say I'm walking 
down the street with а man I like. 
We've just finished dinner at a cozy 
restaurant, we're on the way to the 
car, and he slips his arm around my 
waist. There's something about that 
particular gesture that’s so nice, so un- 
threatening. It’s not an overtly sexual 
move—like grabbing my butt—it's a 
subtle signal that he wants to get close 
to me. Few men know this trick, but 
it works. 

Amy, 29: I'm totally into music, so 
naturally 1 fall for guys who are also. 
music lovers. One guy 1 slept with was 
a DJ, and his CD collection spanned 
from Ella Fitzgerald to Aerosmith to 
Prodigy. Every time he played a song 
I'd say, “Yes—I love this song!” We 
talked for hours about music, movies, 
TV, whatever. Connecting with him on 
this pop culture-type level made me 
feel comfortable enough to take the re- 
lationship further. 

Lola, 34: Women are suckers for 
funny guys. My boyfriend is hilarious, 
and it’s so attractive. Say I have PMS, I 
feel fat and sex is the last thing on my 
mind, АЙ he has to do is say something 
to make me laugh and I want to jump 
his bones. Cracking a joke makes me 
care less about how I look and reminds 
me why I started dating him in the first 
place—he's fun. Next thing you know, 
we're cracking up in bed. 

Marcelle, 25: It takes a lot for me to 
even want to smooch a guy, much less 
have sex with him. Before I go out with 
a guy, I ask around to find out his rep- 
utation. This is basically to alleviate my 
fears that he’s a shady character with 
skeletons in the closet, like a weird 
drug habit or fucked-up past relation- 
ships. After two or three dates, when 
we've established that there’s chemistry 
between us and he's shown he's willing 

(concluded on page 70) 


COUCH TOMATOES 


juli and doria of playboy tv's night calls take phone sex to new heights 


Calls, you were a charter member of its now very popular fan club. The interactive sex fantasy program is so hot in 

both ratings and content, it makes 900 numbers scem limp. At the show's helm are Juli Ashton and Doria—bisexuals 
who are as uninhibited as the show itself—sharing sex tips (“I'm an expert. Only happy men leave my bed,” Doria says) and 
exploring their fantasies. Night Calls is Playboy TV's highest-rated program, receiving more than 150,000 calls per show 
(only a fraction get on). What's the secret of its success? With to-die-for hosts clad in headsets and little else, topics such as 
“fun with dildos” and visits from Fax Girl and Helmetcam Man, Night Calls was а no-brainer. "It's an erotic comedy,” Juli 
says. The show has inspired Night Calls: The Movie and a sequel that teams Juli and Doria with the hosts of Night Calls UK. 
“We have a huge cult following. We're like The Rocky Horror Picture Show,” Doria says. Call it prime time, Playboy style. 


W HERE WERE you on the night of August 25, 1995? If you were glued to the tube for the debut of Playboy TV's Night 


For o good time (ond better sex tolk) diol up Juli Ashton (left) ond Dorio (right). Since the show debuted three yeers ogo, it hos become 
Playboy TV's top-rated program. How do they field colls, crack jokes ond keep things running smoothly in o live setting? "Sure we mess 
up.” Juli soys, “but it’s the realness thot people like.” "We're not intimidoting,” Doria odds. "We're normol girls tolking about sex." 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY ARNY FREYTAG 


There are three rules on Night Calls: no lest names, no brand names and, as Juli and Doria demonstrate above, na underwear. “Н makes 
for interesting wet spots on the couch at show's end," Daria says. The show also has a nc-rehearsal policy, which means anything can 
happen. Doria's most memorable call involves a challenge to a viewer: "We dared a guy wha was masturbating іс apen his window and 
scream, ‘I'm watching Juli and Doria right now and I'm so horny | can't stand it!’ Of caurse, he did it. We've never been refused." 


\ 


Juli, a former Spanish teacher from Colorado who is now famous in the adult film industry, says she has always been sex- 
val. “When I was younger I'd read sex books. I learned early that sex is healthy, fun and happy—all the good things in life.” 


PLAYBOY 


70 


why women say yes 


(continued from page 62) 


I feel like a powerful, sexy voyeur. After 20 minutes 
of the flick I want 10 get crazy in bed. 


to wait for a goodnight kiss, I'll let him 
kiss me. If he’s а good kisser, it doesn’t 
take long for sex to follow. I also have 
an open-door policy Юг ex-boyfriends. 
They've already passed the tests, so 
they can come back whenever. 

Dawn, 19: During my college's holi- 
day vacation, a good friend of mine 
who had AIDS killed himself. I was to- 
tally freaked out when I returned to 
campus. The first day back I ran into 
a guy friend who found me sitting on 
the library roof staring into space. He 
knew my friend had been sick and 
asked if I wanted to get coffee. We sat 
in a coffeehouse for hours. He let me 
talk about my friend the entire time. 
We left and went to sit on the Harvard 
Bridge. It was cold, so he gave me his 
jacket. Next thing I knew, we were 
making outon the bridge. The fact that 
he let me spill my guts and was my best 
friend for the night made me curious 
about him as a lover. Turns out he was 
just as generous in bed. 

Gretchen, 26: Back rubs do it for me 
every time. If a guy proves he has a 
nice touch and takes the time to plea- 
sure me with a massage, he'll probably 
be a good lover. And most guys don't. 
realize that little things mean a lot, like 
holding hands at the movies or helping 
me put on my Coat. 

Hillary, 36: Food is sensual, and ГИ 
usually hop in the sack with aman who 
cooks for me. Once a guy cooked me 
this amazing seafood pasta dinner. No 
recipe, he just knew which ingredients 
would be the most flavorful. It was de- 
licious. I jumped him before he had 
time to clear the table. 

Lee Ann, 34: A guy who is willing to 
spend the whole day with me, doing 
the things I like to do, deserves sex 
The fact that he's there to be with me 
no matter what we're doing means he's 
generous, that he'll make sacrifices for 
me. Just last week, I took the guy I like 
shopping, to a movie, then to dinner at 
my favorite restaurant. I figured he 
was bored all day, so I gave hım a blow 
job in the car on the way home. 

Kirsty, 29: I know some women 
think watching X-rated movies is a 
weird, perverted activity that men do 
alone or at bachelor parties. I disagree. 
If a guy brings over a decent X-rated 
movie, I find it highly erotic. By decent 
I mean one in which the guys look as 
good as the girls (meaning no appear- 
ances from Ron Jeremy), there are no 
freaks (such as shemales) and there are 


no nasty rape scenes. There’s some- 
thing about being with a man, watch- 
ing other people have sex, that makes 
me feel like a powerful, sexy voyeur. 
After 20 minutes of the flick I want to 
get crazy in bed. 

Jennifer, 23: I'm a big fan of tough 
guys with hidden sensitive sides. You 
know, the fearless rebel who's difficult 
to get close to but who will take his lit- 
Че sister out to dinner on her birthday. 
Musicians and pool players also do it 
for me. As far as appearances go, long- 
haired guys always hook me fast. But 
ГИ never say yes to a guy who actually 
puts effort into fixing his hair. It usual- 
ly means he's self-centered. 

Maya, 30: Creativity is a total turn- 
on. The best lovers I've had have been 
painters, sculptors, musicians and writ- 
ers. Not only arc these guys in touch 
with their emotions (meaning they're 
more in touch with women), they're al- 
so more apt to hang around and cud- 
dle after sex instead of jumping up to 
get to the office for an early meeting. 
But I do have my standards. A few 
rhymed words from a coffeehouse poet 
doesn't mean the guy’s a true artist. 
The words or images have to speak to 
me to get my hormones revved. 

Jeanne, 25: A guy who lets me take 
the lead is one ГИ spend the night with. 
I have a strong nurturing side, which 
makes me responsive to vulnerable 
men. One night in college, the virgin I 
was dating said he wanted to have sex. 
He was nervous, and I wasn't sure how 
good it would be, but I finally said yes. 
1 had to show him how to do every- 
thing, which was a complete turn-on. 
As I led him around the curves of my 
body, I knew he was relying on me to 
teach him how to make me feel good. 

Joyce, 33: Common consideration is 
the first step. A man who listens to me 
goes from my "no" to my "maybe" list. 
He has to show interest in me by asking 
questions and has to open up himself. I 
want to know what he likes and dis- 
likes, and vice versa, before we get it 
on. After several conversations, when 
we've bonded, ГИ bump him up to 
“yes” status. If he’s willing to stick it out 
for a few months without sex until I'm 
ready, he won't regret it. 

Sally, 22: I'm embarrassed to say 
this, but I have a weakness for bad 
boys. They're so cool. I once had a 
crazy fling with a lecherous older man. 
He was hooked on heroin and fre- 
quently lost his erection but loved to 


entertain pretty young women. He was 
nothing but sex, sex, sex. It was excit- 
ing. He had a way of looking me up 
and down, calling me “darling” as if he 
were surveying merchandise. It made 
me angry, butit also aroused me. 

Kim, 21: This sounds shallow, but a 
man who makes me feel like I'm the 
only woman in the world is a man ГИ 
take off my clothes for. Women are 
insecure. The way to our hearts is 
through making us feel good about 
ourselves. I want my guy to tell me Im. 
gorgeous, pamper ше with gifts and 
shower me with attention. Am I 
spoiled? Sure, but girls who say they 
don't want this are kidding themselves. 

Marie, 36: I don’t like men who try 
to impress me with material items. I 
don’t want things bought for me, I 
want things done for me. If my beau 
goes away with his buddies for a “male 
bonding weekend” and calls to say hi, 
ТИ melt. It can also be e-mail or flowers 
for no reason. My boyfriend once sur- 
prised me with a treasure hunt. I got 
home to find a note pinned to our 
door. It gave me directions for finding 
the next note. He hid clues all over the 
apartment, each leading to the next. At 
the end of the line, I found my birth- 
day present. I don't remember the gift, 
but I'll never forget the hunt and what 
came after it. 

Suzanne, 18: It's not what a guy says, 
it's how he says it. A man could be talk- 
ing about changing a йге for all I care, 
but if he looks deep into my eyes and 
sounds sincere, I'm his. 

Amy, 23: I have a thing for romantic 
guys. That means moonlit walks, can- 
dlelit baths and rose petals оп my pil- 
low. I don't care if he's a big tough 
guy around his friends. If he can do 
romantic things around me without 
cringing, I know I've seen behind the 
facade and found а softy at heart. 

Francesca, 40: It’s all about taking 
ks. I never say no to sex in the office. 
My boyfriend works in my building, so 
when he comes to visit, he has this “I 
don't care if your boss is next door, I 
want you now” demeanor. It’s so sex 
like he'd risk anything—even embar- 
rassment—for me. We lock the door 
and get it on. 

Ellen, 41: A man with a great mind, 
who's smart and can talk about lois of 
different subjects, is a requirement. I 
once dated a professor who could hold 
his own about everything from Nietz- 
sche to the Green Bay Packers to the 
Rolling Stones. He was never boring, 
in or out of bed. 

‘Tricia, 23: Let's be honest. If I've 
had enough martinis, I'll say yes to 
anyone. 


72 


HESE WERE the good old days, 
the happy days, what would 
become for many of us the 
source of cur earliest, fond- 
est memories. They still de- 

fine the American character—on televi- 

sion reruns. At every hour of the day 
someone somewhere is reliving the 
golden age of the American family. 

For two decades Americans had 
lived in the grip of poverty and war. 
Now we were ready for some giddy, 
goofy fun. The country was swept by 
frivolous fads—baton twirling, Hula 
Hoops, paint-by-number art kits, Davy 
Crockett hats, 3-D movies. But who 
needed 3-D? The whole world seemed 
like a wide-screen, stereophonic spe- 
cial effect. 

The pop culture of the Fifties be- 
came a parody of the American dream. 
Ме lived on Madison Avenue, in an un- 
likely world of perfect appliances and 
perfect families, of highballs and hi- 
fis, of Bermuda shorts and backyard 
barbecues. 

Teenagers went to sock hops and 


SCS TA 0707 


Women's magazines tauted togetherness 


as the new image far middle-class Ameri- 
cans, a visian echoed by the family fare ап 
television. But the censored Elvis and а new 
men's magazine with Marilyn Monrae as its 
centerfold signaled that something mare 
was going on—the seeds af revolution. 


drive-in movies, where they practiced 
unhooking bras. College boys staged 
panty raids, marching across campuses 
chanting, “We want girls! We want 
sex!” But they settled for cotton un- 
derwear as a sorry substitute for the 
real thing. 

When motivational researchers 
claimed that advertising contained sub- 
liminal sexual messages, no one was 
surprised. Automobiles were obvious 
sex symbols. Cars looked like phallic 
rocket ships and everyone knew the 
grill of the Edsel was a Ford engineer's 
hymn to female genitalia. It didn’t sell. 

Conformity became a national pas- 
sion—part of a return to sexual and 
political conservausm. Male executives 
wore the same gray flannel suits and 
drank the same cocktails at mandato- 
ry two-martini lunches. Women wore 
Dior dresses that hid their legs and 
lived in tract houses that hid their very 
existence. 

Television moved in, a new and wel- 
come member of the nuclear family. 
We liked Ike and loved Lucy. Fred and 


ILLUSTRATION BY TIM O'BRIEN 


For many people, the stroll 
down memory lone $1015 
here. The Fifties offered 
something cool os an anti- 
dote for Cold War conformi- 
ty. We had Marilyn Monroe 


Centerfolds ond 
censorship 

% Drive-in the- 
) М cters and TV 
Tegether- 
|| ness. Mick- 
4 | еу Spillone 
/* and The В 

(34 Mickey Mouse Club. Elvis 
опа Alfred E. Neuman. Ann 
Londers and Lenny Bruce 
Edsels ond Ed Sullivon. Hi-fi 
and highballs. Gray flannel 
I suits ond Bermuda shorts. Bullet 

bras and Brigitte Bordot. Brando 

ond Borbie. Howdy Doody ond 

Hulo Hoops. Fronk Sinotro ond 

Father Knows Best. Christian Dior 

and James Deon. Confidentiol ond 

/ Tales From the Crypt. Cool jozz and hot 
rods. Drag strips опа 
strippers. Vespos and 
Volkswogens. Spike heels 
ond blue suede shoes 
Coonskin cops ond black 
berets. Spy plones and 
m Sputniks. Golden Arches 
ond Golden Dreoms 
Pogo ond PLAYBOY. Fly- 
ing saucers ond The Twi- 
light Zone. The Beat Gen- 
eration ond rock 

‘n’ roll. It wos cool, 

man! Reol cool 


Î dreamed I was 


Ethel became everyone's 
next-door neighbors. In 
1950 only 3.1 million 
American homes had 
television sets. By 1955 
the number would be 32 
million. Television relo- 
cated the family table 
Henceforth, food would 
be served on trays. 

Television offered a 
portrait of the American 
family as viewed in a 
fun-house mirror. We 
watched other families 
on Father Knows Best, The Adventures of 
Ozzie & Harriet, Leave И to Beaver and 
Life With Father and identified with 
them, not even noticing that the one 
thing TV families never did was watch 
television. 

Critics called it the boob tube, but 
they weren't referring to female anato- 
my. Television, from the very start, re- 
flected mainstream middle-class moral- 
ity, and the Federal Communications 
Commission made sure that TV was as 
sanitized as radio had been before it. 
о one had sex on TV; parents slept in 
separate beds in offscreen bedrooms. 
Still, there was Dagmar on Broadway 
Open House. And a whole generation 
of youngsters grew up watching An- 
nette Funicello blossom on The Mickey 
Mouse Club. 

When Senator Estes Kefauver grilled 
reputed members of organized crime 
on television, the primary attraction 
was Virginia Hill. As one writer ob- 
served, even the Senator had trouble 
keeping his сусз off the “extraordinar- 
ily long, silk-clad legs" of Bugsy Siegel's 
mistress. 

Lucille Ball’s pregnancy was played 
for laughs on / Love Lucy (they called it 
her “expectancy”). Millions of women 
followed her to term, spawning fami- 
lies of their own. In 1950 birth control 
pioneer Margaret Sanger had orga- 
nized funding for research into an oral 
contraceptive that would make family 
planning as easy as taking aspirin. She 
was now the head of International 
Planned Parenthood, but no one on 
the home front seemed interested. We 
were in the midst ofa baby boom, with 
women turning out children as though 
on assembly lines. The Depression had 


forced the birthrate to а low of 18.4 per 1000 
women; now it rose to per 1000. The 
birthrate for third children would double; for 
fourth children triple. 

We were living in a Norman Rockwell 
world, but some fault lines were visible. Two of 
the best-selling books of the time were Dr 
Benjamin Spock's on how to raise children 

and Mickey Spillane's on how to deal with 
= them when they grew up and became 

( » Commie, pinko, pansy punks 
m DERE EUG ECT RES 
abroad, only to have new ones 
surface. When Russia exploded its first 
nuclear device, we entered a world of 
== deadly threat. Kids prac- 
> ticed duck-and-cover 
drills under school 
desks. Newspapers ran 
maps showing circles 
of destruction around ma- 
jor cities. They called it the Cold 

War, but it didn’t stay cold 

We sent our boys to Korea to be 


Saturday night at the drive-in movies 
(right). Fevered fumbling in the dark 
and making up the 
rules as you went 
along. Teenogers 
enjoyed their own 
music, movies, 
fads and fashions. 


PLAYBOY 


78 


slaughtered in a police action—what- 
ever that was. 

We were no longer the world's only 
superpower—and confidence gave way 
го suspicion. We began a demonic 
quest for the enemy vithin. We became 
a surveillance society, with citizen spy- 
ing on citizen. Self-proclaimed protec- 
tors of the American way destroyed ca- 
reers and ruined lives—all in the name 
of security. 

For every frivolous fad there was a 
dark tic in the American psyche. There 
was an epidemic of UFO sightings. The 
government insisted that flying saucers 
did not exist. but it said that about 
U-2 spy planes as well. The nation, 
feeling that it was being watched, 
sought divine surveillance. Recon- 
firming that we were one nation 
"under God," we inserted that phrase 
into the pledge of allegiance. We 
had more money than our parents 
dreamed of, but added the comfort of 
"In God We Trust" to our country's pa- 
per currency. 

Wilhelm Reich, a former disciple of 
Sigmund Freud, had concocted a the- 
ory of sex that suggested orgasm re- 
leased а kind of energy into the air. 
The energy could be collected by o 
gone boxes, he said—six-sided, zinc- 
lined, coffin-sized containers—and 
used to restore orgiastic potency. Reich 
worried that atomic tests were poison 
ing this free-ranging sexual energy, 
that repression was crippling man- 
kind's genital character. Instead of 
laughing off these pseudoscientific 
rantings, the Food and Drug Adminis- 
tration sent agents with axes to destroy 
all the orgone boxes, and to burn every 
published work by Reich that men- 
tioned the dreaded orgone. Reich was 
charged with contempt of court, for 
which he was undeniably guilty. The 
doctor, diagnosed as a paranoid, died 
in prison їп 1957. 

America had saved the world and be- 
come the first superpower—and yet, 
instead of pride came paranoia. Wil- 
helm Reich may have been right. 
Something was contaminating the air 
we breathed, Suspicion and fear spread 
across the land—from small towns to 
the very seat of government. 


THE POISON PEN 


The letters began to arrive in the 
spring. A family with two teenage 
daughters received mail that accused 
one daughter of sordid sexual behav- 
ior. A businessman read detailed ас- 
counts of his wife servicing other men. 
Those who read the letters believed the 
charges. Husbands and wives quar- 
reled. The quarrels led to divorce and 
to abandonment. 

And still the letters came. The poison 


pen touched the lives of families in Col- 
lege Park and East Point, Georgia. Ас- 
cording to John Makris, author of The 
Silent Investigators, the rumormonger 
“alleged perverse sexual activities” and 
“disgusting and filthy sexual miscon- 
duct.” Many parents refused to discuss 
the letters with authorities. 

Makris tried to explain the bizarre 
impulse that caused such scandal: 
“This type of poison-pen letter is the 
outgrowth of sexual frustration. Beau- 
ty- and popularity-contest winners, 
pretty models, movie and television ac- 
tresses and girls whose pictures—along 
with their addresses—appear under 
engagement or wedding notices in the 
newspapers are among those who most 
frequently receive these letters. Nor 
are these letters confined only to the 
opposite sex. A high school football 
star, for instance, who gets his name 
and his picture in the newspapers, be- 
comes the target of homosexuals.” 

A newlywed received a letter accus- 
ing her husband of bigamy. She com- 
mitted suicide. Investigation revealed 
that the charge was unfounded. 

Sexual frustration? That might ex- 
plain the perverts who wrote such let- 
ters, but not why so many people be- 
lieved what was written. In the Fifties 
we lived in a world of lies, of deception 
and deceit—and the lies wrecked hu- 
man lives. America was a schizophrenic 
nation, trying to hold to a pretense of 
virtue while never acknowledging the 
other America, the one of human lust 
and frailty. 

Scandal was infectious. It became 
the lens through which we viewed life. 
An artide in the March 1952 Coronet 
described one apocalypse: “Mark and 
Eva were discreet. They never risked 
idle gossip. They always met by а 
prearranged plan in a neighborhood 
where neither one was known. Some- 
times they would park Eva's car and 
take Mark's for their few hours togeth- 
er. Sometimes it would be Eva’s car. 
Their absence from their respective 
homes was always well covered, Not a 
soul who knew either even speculated 
about clandestine meetings. 

“This very fact is why the sudden 
knowledge of their double living came 
as such a shock to all who knew them 
"It just pulls the props right out from 
under you. If a guy like Mark can be 
that two-faced, who on earth can be 
trusted?’ gasped Mark's closest friends 
when they read the lurid headline Gas 
TRUCK CRASHES LOVETRYST CAR! 

“Its unbelievable,’ said Eva's friends. 
"It makes you feel there isn't anything 
decent or fine that you can have faith 
in anymore.'” The lovers were dead. 
Instead of grief, the only emotion th: 


friends could summon was stunned 
indignation. 


COLD WAR CONFIDENTIAL 


The scandal magazine Confidential 
appeared on newsstands in 1952, 
promising that it "Tells the Facts and 
Names the Names." It was simply a 
commercial version of the poison-pen 
letter, one with a mass audience. Rob- 
ert Harrison, publisher of such titles as 
Beauty Parade and Eyeful, got the idea 
for the bimonthly after watching rhe. 
widely televised Kefauver hearings on 
organized crime, prostitution and vice. 
Harrison's insight was simple: “Ameri- 
cans like to read about things that they 
are afraid to do themselves.” 

Harrison exploited human weak- 
ness. He sent spies into the house of 
love. Would-be models and aspiring 
actresses, eager to earn a $1000 fee, 
would haunt the bars along Sunset 
Suip, making themselves available to 
the rich and famous. And like govern- 
ment agents, they kept miniature tape 
recorders in their purses, the better to 
catch the boasts and bedroom confi- 
dences of their victims. In the Fifties 
informing on your neighbor was a na- 
tional pastime. While Herbert Phil- 
brick might write the best-seller J Led 
Three Lives or another recruit might 
confess “I Was a Communist for the 
FBI,” anonymous agents penned arti- 
cles that could have been titled “I Was a 
Slut for Confidential.” 

We learned that Frank Sinatra con- 
sumed a bow] of Wheaties between sex- 
ual encounters, Errol Flynn had a two- 
way mirror installed in his bedroom, 
Dan Dailey liked to dress in drag, Kim 
Novak and Sammy Davis Jr. were an 
item, Lana Turner shared a lover with 
Ava Gardner and Liberace liked boys. 

Infrared film. Telephoto lenses. 
There were photos of alleged love 
nests, if not the offending parties in ас- 
tion. Harrison used the technology of 
the time to invade the privacy of Amer- 
ica's aristocracy. Kenneth Anger, au- 
thor of Hollywood Babylon, claims that 
Confidential was not above blackmail. 
Harrison allegedly opened an agency 
called Hollywood Research Inc. Inves- 
tigators would take copies of "compro- 
mising materials" to the victims and 
suggest that their stories would be 
quashed in exchange for certain fees. 

The rag rezched a circulation of four 
million before it began to self-destruct 
A story on Robert Mitchum said the 
star had stripped naked at a party 
thrown by Charles Laughton, covered 
himself with ketchup and bellowed, 
"I'm a hamburger." Mitchum filed suit. 

Maureen O'Hara took issue with a 
published story that had her grappling 
with a Latin lover in the balcony of 

(continued on page 104) 


DEAL P ETSI 


“Have you ever enjoyed anything as succulent as that 


pit-barbecued pig at the luau?” 


80 


PLAYBOY PROFILE 


WHEN JIMMY BUFFETT SHOWED UP ON FORBES’ LIST OF TOP-MONEY ENTERTAINERS, 


THE WORLD WOKE UP TO THE PROFIT POTENTIAL OF MARGARITAVILLE 


THE CEO 


(9 


MARGARITAVILLE 


1 HAD MOVED for a while to Key West, 
bailing out of a marriage gone sour 
and an affair gone sad. I had rented a 
room in a little white-frame conch 
house, borrowed a bike, bought some 
flip-flops and a cheap used blender, 
and worked on feeling sorry for my- 
self—wasting away in Margaritaville, 
even before it was incorporated. 

That was spring 1972 and it was a 
scene. Everyone went out and ap- 
plauded the sunset every night. Bales 
of marijuana washed up on the shore 
There were great cheap Cuban restau- 
rants. I had nowhere better to go. Key 
West seemed like the End: East Coast 
Division—a common reason people 
wind up there, especially writers, art- 
ists, musicians and other interesting 
derelicts, drawn by the idea that Key 
West is the final stroke of a great com- 
ma in the map of North America, sug- 
gesting more to come but maybe not. 

I met Jimmy Buffett my first night 
there at a party ас Tom McGuane's 
house. 

Buffett sat outside on the porch, 
practically in the dark, cross-legged on 
the wooden floor with a honey-colored 
Martin in his lap, singing old Coasters’ 
hits. He was singing more for his own 


BY DAVID STANDISH 


pleasure than anything else, though a 
few of us were enjoying it along with 
him, while the main part of the party 
went on inside: 


“I been searchin" 

“Oh, Lord, I been searchin’ 

“Searchin” every whi-i-i-chee way, 

90) 2 

Buffett was living in spare cheese- 
burger rooms like mine. To male a liv- 
ing he played for beer and tips at a bar 
on Duval Street. He had landed in Key 
West a few months earlier, bailing out 
of a few things himself, including a 
busted early marriage to his high 
school sweetheart and a semiunsuc- 
cessful assault on Nashville that led to a 
couple of obscure albums that had sold 
about nine copies each 

In Nashville he had met country 
singer Jerry Jeff Walker, who said he 
should come down to Coconut Grove, 
where he was hanging out for a while. 
And onc day they decided to take а 
spin in a Forties Packard that Walker 
had just gotten. The next thing they 
knew, they were driving to Key West— 
and Buffett had decided to stay. 

“He became sort of an instant mini- 
celebrity,” someone who was there at 


ILLUSTRATION BY DAVID LEVINE 


the time told me, “because he was fun 
to be around. Some people can get 
mean when they are drunk, but Jimmy 
would just have more and more fun 
until he passed ош. Plus the girls 
thought he was cute, and he sang some 
funny songs. He was sort of magnetic 
that way. Shortly after he arrived, he 
was writing songs about Key West, and 
everybody got a big charge out of that.” 

A couple of days after the party at 
McGuane's, I went to see Buffett play 
at Howie's Lounge. Normally I wasn't 
crazy about guys sitting on stools 
strumming acoustic guitars and telling 
their life stories—otherwise known as 
folk music—but Buffett had major- 
league charm. His songs were smarter 
than most and were not about the 
usual stuff. 

‘Though he didn't quite know it him- 
self at the time, Buffett was in the 
process of inventing his unique amal- 
gam, Gulf and Western music—a little 
folk, a little country, some rock and ca- 
lypso too, with themes such as He Went 
to Paris and A Pirate Looks at 40 that 
showed a deeper, poetic side. The mu- 
sic would become essential listening on 
yachts around the world—and for every- 
one dreaming (continued on puge 84) 


all) 7 


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3 


EXTRAVAGANCES 


THAT WOULDLEAVE 


HER ЕС5ТАТІС ОМ 


VALENTINE’S DAY 


aying “I love you” with 
Chicago Bulls tickets or 
the key to a new Jaguar 
would have turned Mar- 
lene Dietrich's head 
faster than flowers and 
7 candy. Admission to 
witness the flights of Air Jordan is 
priced from $20 for standing room 
(not a cool move if you're looking to 
make an impression) to $425 for a 
courtside seat. Air France offers a dif- 
ferent ticket—to ride aboard the Con- 
corde. A New York-to-Paris round- 
trip is $8398, and you can tag along 
for about $4200. Around Marlene's 
neck is an 18-kt. yellow-and-white- 
gold necklace containing 232 round 
diamonds, from Sidney Garber Jewel- 
ers ($23,525). On her arm: TAG 
Heuer's ladies' Sports Elegance 
quartz wristwatch, from Lester Lam- 
pert ($1095). Dangling from her fin- 
ger is a key to the Jaguar XK8 con- 
vertible that was the Robb Report's 
1997 Car of the Year ($74,280). Who 
could ask for anything more? 


MARLENE DIETRICH PHOTO BY GEORGEHURRELL 
TWO 1997 MARLENE, INC. BY CMG WORLDWIDE, INC. INDPLS, IN, cmgwvecom 


WHERE & HOW TO BUY ON PAGE 143. 


РЕАУВОУ 


JIMMY BUFFETT 


(continued from page 80) 


I expected he had seven girls in his hotel room or a 


bale of grass or something. 


of being on a yacht instead of where 
they were. In the years since, Buffett's 
many albums have created their own 
of legendary geography, an elu- 
sive mythical place whose capital is 
Margaritaville. 

It is a measure of his faithful follow- 
ing that he fills arenas night after 
night, without having had a hit single 
in years. He's really only had two, Come 
Monday and Margaritaville. Despite not 
being played much at all on the ra- 
dio—a peeve of his—Buffett sells about 
a million records a year. These sales 
plus the paychecks from the big sum- 
mer concerts—sometimes as much as 
$80,000 a night for him after expens- 
es—add up to what a mere regular per- 
son might consider noticeable cash. 

Today, along with his current sail- 
boat, the Savannah Jane, and his two 
seaplanes—the flying boat is his latest 
passion—Buffett owns a bar on Duval 
Street, just down the street from where 
he used to play for beers years ago. 
This proves not only that what goes 
around comes around, but that some- 
times you're able to buy it. The Mar- 
garitaville Store adjoins the Margari- 
taville Bar. (There are Margaritavilles 
in Key West and New Orleans.) He also 
ownsa house in Key West (although his 
old waterfront place is accorded the 
same tour-bus status as are the homes 
of Ernest Hemingway and Tennessee 
Williams). He also lives in a splendid 
500-acre wooded plantation in south- 
ern Georgia. These days he is mostly 
unicoastal, spending most of his time in 
a summer house in Sag Harbor, New 
York and at a newly acquired $4 mil- 
lion winter beach shack in Palm Beach. 

All this comes from the fact that this 
wasn't just music, it was a lifestyle. Pop 
music has always been about style, of 
course. Buffett's style touched our 
beachy dreams and found a following 
whose loyalty may have been beaten 
only by the sweetly fanatic Deadheads. 
But the Dead's tie-dyed legions didn't 
buy so many clothes and accessories as 
Buffett fans do. 

He calls them Parrotheads. 

For these devoted fans there is The 
Coconut Telegraph, a free occasional Buf- 
fett newsletter and catalog of Buffett 
stuff—would you call it Parrotalia? 
available for sale. Margaritaville mar- 
garita glasses, naturally. Your own Lost 
Shaker of Salt. Hats, T-shirts, beer 
steins. Banana Republic for Buffett- 


heads. There is 1-800-сосотеь, which 
accepts credit-card orders and pro- 
vides information on his performance 
whereabouts. 

There's a down-home quality to it 
all, along with capitalism in action. 

Part of the reason Buffett has such 
an extensive loyal following is that he's 
toured his brains out. In the early days 
he hit every dinky club that would have 
him. He has earned the big toys he 
has today. 

I visited him a while back at his south 
Georgia plantation, his then-favorite 
hideout. It was off some side road in 
the middle of nowhere, a genteel place, 
his 500 acres adjoining another 6000. 
acres of manicured woods with an oc- 
casional token cornfield and pond to 
lure in birds for hunting. The house, 
built in 1928 by the Orvis sporting- 
goods family, had the look of a big log 
cabin. Built in an H shape, it looks 
more like a 19th century Adirondack 
great lodge than the Southern Gothic 
houses more common around here. 

The house inside was natural wood, 
like some unpainted rustic cabin raised 
to a state of simple elegance. A small 
fleet of maids in green uniforms bus- 
tled around cleaning—an enviable 
perk in itself. I was led through a study 
with a nice big fireplace—passing a 
family room dominated by a Mitsubishi 
television set with a screen the size of a 
garage door. 

Buffett was in a small room with a 
window that overlooked a tree and 
bushes hung with bird feeders. We sat 
there looking out over the lovely tran- 
quil land. 

In the years since he used to crash on 
my couch while playing Chicago's Qui- 
et Knight to about 100 people per set, 
tops—when the whole Coral Reefer 
Band consisted of him and guitar play- 
er Roger Bartlen—Buffeu had become 
a megabucks mogul. In 1994, a partic- 
ularly good year, he was listed in Forbes 
as the 35th top moneymaking enter- 
tainen, and in that year alone he made 
$14 million. 

Maybe his business sense should 
come as no surprise. After all, he is a 
cousin of Warren Buffett's, of the Berk- 
shire Hathaway fortune. 

“It never was about the money,” he 
told me. “It was never about that. They 
had to tell me that I was rich.” 

It's hard to imagine Bob Dylan, say, 
with his own Visions of Johanna T-shirt 


company, or owning Blood on the 
Tracks bars, or putting outa catalog for 
Bobheads selling Bobphernalia (in- 
cluding Highway 61 road signs, leop- 
ard-skin pillbox hats and Bob weather 
vanes to tell which way the wind blows). 

Why else would Buffett do all this 
stuff if not for the money? But Га 
known him a long time and kept my 
mouth shut, asking instead how he 
came up with the idea for the Tshirt 
company, which I knew was the begin- 
ning of his empire. For a while the T- 
shirts were earning him more money 
per year than his live shows and CDs 
combined. 

He was on tour, a Southern boy in 
cold Northern cities. "It was February. 
Freezing ass. You know what Pitts- 
burgh is like in the wintertime. We had 
sold out some big auditorium. Snow 
and ice outside. And they all showed 
up wearing Hawaiian shirts. 

"That afternoon I had been walking 
around killing time. For lack of any- 
thing else to do on the road, I always 
go find a good hardware store, Army 
Navy store or bookstore to browse in. 
So I was on this boring browsing run 
and went into this Army Navy store 
and the guy recognized me. He said, 
"Man, I love it when you come to town. 
I sell every goddamn tacky tropical 
shirt I can get my hands on for people 
to wear to your shows.” 

“When I saw all those Hawaiian 
shirts out there that night, 1 started 
thinking, Well, why don't I do that? 
Why should somebody else make these 
shirts for me? Why don't I own and 
control this? And I guess I was one of 
the first artists to own his own T-shirt 
concession, which now consists of mul- 
timillion-dollar corporations.” 

So began the diversification of Mar- 
garitaville, Inc. 

Even during what he now refers to as 
his long “party регіов”-“Гуе been up 
longer than most people have been 
alive"—he made sure to take care of 
business. He never missed a show, and 
usually managed to put on a good one. 
One friend on tour with him during 
this time remembers catching him in а 
motel room. 

“It was the middle of the afternoon, 
and 1 knocked on Jimmy's door to see 
if he wanted to go have a beer or some- 
thing. No answer, so I knocked again. 
The door opened a crack, the chain 
still on, Jimmy peering furtively out to 
see who it was. When he recognized 
me, he unchained the door and said, 
"Get in, quick.” He let me in and closed 
the door fast behind me. I expected he 
had seven girls in there or a bale of 
grass or something. But what he had 
were receipts, chits, accounting lists, 

(concluded on page 166) 


“Be а dear т” hand me my dick-on-a-rope.” 


MT 


DUR HEARTS BELONG TO | UJ iA 


we have а 
valentine's crush 
on miss february 


"When I was younger | told 
my boyfriend I wos going to be 
in PLAYBOY when | turned 21. 1 
wonted to be naked, riding o 
horse,” Miss February сус. 
Three yeors early and minus 
86 the pony, here's Julia. 


WEET JULIA SCHULTZ has a wild side. On one hand, the 18-year-old San 
Diego native is an animal lover who frequents the humane society. (“I want a kit- 
ten, but my three rottweilers would eat it," she says.) On the other, she's a model 
who built а portfolio in Milan at the age of 15 and has been riding motorcycles 
since she was two. "What do you expect?" the multifaceted Julia asks. “Dad was in 
the Hell's Angels, and those guys are softies at heart.” We met Miss February for 


an intimate chat. 

Q: What does an 18-year-old know that a 25-year-old has forgotten? 

A: That you shouldnt take life so seriously. The older people get, the more 
stressed-out and money-hungry they are. They do things they don't enjoy. 

Q: Is there a hierarchy of sleepwear? 

A: If I want to look sexy, I wear а see-through tank top and undies. Next in line 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY ARNY FREYTAG 


is a guy's buttondown shirt and socks. Or 
maybe my boyfriend's T-shirt. 1 wear trashy 
lingerie for fun. 

Q: Your dad rode with the Hell's Angels 
in San Diego. What's the best advice he has 
given you? 

A: He always tells me not to let other peo- 
ple bring me down. If people are nasty, he's 
like, "So what? If they're not friends or fam- 
ily, who cares what they think?” 


Q: What's the surest sign of sexual inter- 
esta girl can give 

A: На guy asks, “Do you have a boy- 
friend?” and she says, “No, but 1 could,” 
that's а good sign 

Q: If a woman carries condoms in her 
purse, is she asking for trouble? 

A: Of course not. If she doesn't have con- 
doms, she's stupid. 1 know so many girls 
who have had diseases or abortions. They 


think if they have unprotected sex just once, they'll be 
fine. Duh! 
О: Whar' the best Valentine's gift you've received? 
A: My boyfriend gave me this soft red shirt. Sounds 
simple, but a gift from someone you love is the best. 
О: Were you self-conscious about your body while 
shooting these pictures? 
A: When you pose nude, you can't hide your flaws. 
It was weird at first, but by the end of the weck I was 


walking around buck naked, going, “I don't need a 
robe!" I felt completely comfortable. 

О: Сапа Playmate have close girlfriends? 

A: Absolutely. 1 have friends who aren't fazed at 
all that I'm a Playmate. There's no reason to be 
jealous. I'm a normal girl who got lucky. 


79 get closer to Julia Schultz, you can call the Playboy 
Super Holline. See page 161 for details. 


< 


PLAYMATE DATA SHEET 


NAME: 

ШЫН er DS HIPS ED 

тесе e Se m 

BIRTH eg OS E И i> 1 EG D 

анытов lO HOVE A SUCCESS MODELING _ 
САСЕЕР $ A BIG чк киты TEN DOGS 
Turn-ows ЕЙ lea en 
INTELLIGENCE AND PREITY EVES. 

TURNOFFS: : HAIRY PACKS, ONIONS, NEGATIV TY, 
PERVERTED GUNS ET гразы. 

PERFECT DATE: / xOrI FT oe FeO 
HOME WITH TONS OF PASTA = HN FON S 

т FEEL sexy WHEN: КГИ (Әу СІ Гу COHPRUMNENTS 


ME=HIS WOLDS MEAN MORE THAN ANYTHING 
/ 


WHAT SHAKES ME UP; C E iv Noh 

TEN YEARS FROM NOW DLL BE: ЕБ MOTHER , LIVING 

ZO MINUTES AWAY FROM EVERYTHING, 
EIN G HAPPY USE CULOMM 


YES, ! WAS A j LOOKING TOUGH SENIOR PROM WITH 
А 
Ener 


PLAYBOY’S PARTY JOKES 


I'm really sorry, but I'm going to have to let 
one of you go,” the supervisor told four of his 
employees. 

“Hey, I'm a protected minority,” the African 
American man said. 
“Fire me, buster, and I'll hit you with an age 
discrimination suit so fast it'll make your head 
spin,” the senior worker blurted. 

“And Гм a woman,” the third worker 
protested 

They all turned to look at the young white 
male. “Uh, well, I think I might be gay.” 


Р, лувоу crassic: The young man nervously 
approached the counter at the local drugstore. 
"Excuse me, ma'am,” he stammered, “may 1 
speak to the pharmacist?” 

“Son,” the woman said, “Гат the pharma- 
cist. It's just my sister and me here. What can I 
do for you?" 

"Ah, well, it's rather embarrassing." 

"Young man, we've heard everything," she 
assured him. "Don't be nervous." 

"Well, I've had this erection for three days 
and can't get rid of it. Wbat can you give me 
for it?” 

"Wait here. I'll be right back," she said, walk- 
ing into the office. A few minutes later, she 
stepped back to the counter. “Му sister and 1 
can give you ten percent of the business and 
$2000 cash." 


I had the strangest dream last night," a man 
told his psychiatrist. “I saw my mother, but 
when she turned around to look at me, she 
had your face, your body. It was suddenly 
you! It shook me up so badly I woke up and 
couldn't get back to sleep. 1 just lay there 
waiting for morning to come, and then I got 
up, drank a Coke and came right over here 
for my appointment." 

“A Coke?" the psychiatrist exclaimed. “You 
call that breakfast?” 


An atheist wanted to take a different sort of 
fishing trip, so he decided to go to Scotland to 
fish in Loch Ness. As he was lazily casting, the 
Loch Ness monster emerged, let out a terrible 
hiss and seemed ready to attack. “ОБ God, 
save me!” the angler cried out 

A voice from above boomed, “I thought you 
didn't believe in me!” 

“Hey, God, give me a break,” the fellow 
pleaded. “1 didn't believe in the Loch Ness 
monster a minute ago either!" 


Thirty minutes before the plane landed, its 
cabin lights came on so the flight attendants 
could serve breakfast. One of the passengers, 
upset because he was awakened, growled, 
"Who turned on the fucking lights?" 

"Oh, no, sir," the nearest flight attendant 
replied. "Those are the breakfast lights. You 
missed the fucking lights." 


Oxymorons OF THE MONTH: 
Army intelligence 
Postal Service 
Civil servants 
Advanced BASIC 
Airline food 
Soft rock 
Passive aggression 
Rap music 
Microsoft Works 


‚After the first mate was found tipsy, the cap- 
tain wrote in the ship's log: “Тһе first mate was 
drunk today.” The sailor begged to have the 
entry removed, but the captain insisted that 
once an entry was made in the log, it couldn’t 
be deleted. 

The furious sailor was determined to exact 
revenge. The next time it was his turn to write 
in the log, he entered: “The captain was sober 
today.” 


How is being at a singles bar different from 
going to the circus? At the circus, the clowns 
don't talk. 


Tus MONTH'S MOST FREQUENT SUBMISSION: A 
gynecologist who had lost interest in his med- 
ical practice decided to change careers and 
enrolled in auto mechanic school. He per- 
formed well in the course but was still shocked 
when he got an off-the-chart 200 on his fi- 
nal exam. He asked the instructor to explain 
the grade. "I gave you 50 points for taking 
the engine apart correctly,” the teacher said, 
“50 points for putting it back together correct- 
ly—and an extra 100 points for doing it all 
through the muffler.” 


Send your jokes on postcards to Party Jokes Editor, 
PLAYBOY, 680 North Lake Shore Drive, Chicago, 
Illinois 60611, or by e-mail to PESO COR 
$100 will be paid to the contributor whose submis- 
sion is selecled. Sorry, jokes cannot be returned. 


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“So much for their attempted reconciliation.” 


100 


o 

li the 
a tropical paradise. 
a beautiful woman. 
the opportunity of 
a lifetime-who 


wouldn't succumb to 
temptation? 


fiction by 


PAUL BRODEUR 


ray-bearded Colum- 

bus holds out his 

hand. palm up- 

turned, toward a pair 

of Indian chieftains 

who carry bows. Near- 

by, bare-breasted native 

women knead maize. Co- 

lumbus is wearing a breast- 

plate, breeches and a purple- 

red cape. In the crook of his 

arm, Columbus carries a vi- 

sored helmet resplendent with 

scarlet plumes. His sword is 
sheathed. 

Faustman and a woman 
wearing Armani sunglasses, a 
silky, tailored, open-collared 
blouse, skin-tight gold-lamé 
pants and high-heeled sandals 
climb a stairway that leads to a 
lounge and restaurant on the 
second floor of Nassau Inter- 
national Airport. The woman, 
who carries a Gucci bag, is in 
her mid-30s. She has a tanned 
and slightly weathered face. 
shiny black hair swept back in- 
to a chignon, and a striking 
figure that is just a tad to the 
far side of full. She has been a 
passenger on the Delta flight 
that Faustman took from La 
Guardia that morning; she will 
be on the Bahamasair flight 
he takes to Eleuthera tha 
ternoon. Like him, she's going 
on to Haven Island. He has 


ILLUSTRATION BY GARY KELLEY 


PLAYBOY 


102 


learned this by standing in line behind 
her at the ticket counter, where, jolted 
from his daydream of casting to bone- 
fish by the reality of her gorgeously 
gilded rump, he has invited her to join 
him for a drink. Like Columbus, he is a 
tall, bearded, dignified-looking man in 
his 40s. Instead of a visored helmet, 
however, he is carrying a briefcase and 
an aluminum tube containing a four- 
piece eight-weight graphite fly rod. To 
make conversation as they climb the 
stairs, he tells her that Customs officials 
sometimes require him to open the 
tube and empty its contents for scruti- 
ny when he passes through inspection 
on his way back to the States. Neither 
he nor she noüces the mural on the 
wall behind them. 

In the lounge, the woman leans for- 
ward so that Faustman can light her 
cigarette, cups his hand with fingers 
that end in sharply tapered nails and 
asks for a glass of iced tea. Faustman 
orders a beer. 

"Jack" he says. "Jack Faustman. I was 
on the Delta flight from New York. I'm 
on my мау to Haven Island too. 

The woman looks at the aluminum 
tube he has placed on the Formica 
tabletop between them. "Faustman the 
fisherman,” she observes. There's a 
touch of languor in her voice, a trace of 
weariness in her face. 

“Faustman the bonefisherman,” he 
tells her with a smile. 

The woman pushes her chair away 
from the table and crosses her legs, sus- 
pending a naked foot that twitches аг 
the edge of Faustman's peripheral vi- 
sion. Out on the tidal flats, he would 
already have cast to it, as he would 
toward the slightest movement or shad- 
ом, on the assumpuon that it signals 
the approach of quarry, 

“Known everywhere as Bonefish 
Jack,” he says. 

The woman laughs at his joke. On 
Haven Island, this appellation is re- 
served for a handful of professional 
guides, who are legendary for having 
radar instead of eyes, for poling their 
skiffs without making sound or ripple, 
and for holding still as patience on a 
monument when fish are near. "Do you 
come to the island often?” she asks. 

“Every chance I get,” he tells her. 

“Me too,” the woman says. "Its a 
wonder we haven't met before.” 

“Probably because I spend most of 
my time wading on the flats. 

“Looking for bonefish, 1 presume.” 

“Stalking them, actually” 

“Sounds ominous.” 

“You have to ambush bonefish,” 
Faustman explains. “They come at you 
out of nowhere. Spook at the blink of 
an eye." 

“It's certainly wise of them to be so 
wary," the woman says. "There are 


plenty of predators aboui 

"Well, I'm a catch-and-release man," 
Faustman tells her. “1 let my bone- 
fish go." 

The woman looks amused, twitches 
her foot. “А catch-and-release man,” 
she murmur 

"In real life, I'm a professor of 
marine biology. At Oceanic Institute 
on Long Island. My specialty’s coral 
rejuvenation." 

"Say again?" 

“Coral rejuvenation,” Faustman says, 
more slowly. 

“You mean coral as in the reefs 1 
will see when I go out to the beach 
tomorrow?’ 

“Coral as in the reefs that make the 
sand out there so pink.” 

“Tell me how they do that,” she says. 

"The reefs are made up of the lime- 
stone secretions and skeletons of 
countless polyps and other tiny organ- 
isms that have died and settled on the 
ocean floor over hundreds of millions 
of years. The sand gets its color from 
the pulverized fossils of calcareous red 
algae, which happen to be a prevalent 
organism on the windward side of the 
island.” 

“What a downer to know 
ning myself on a cemetery. 

“The real downer is that the reefs on 
Haven Island and lots of other places 
in the world are being killed by over- 
fishing, pollution and the greenhouse 
effect. In my lab we grow genetical- 
ly resistant subspecies of coral that can 
be transplanted onto dead and dying 
reefs and bring them back to life. 

The woman yawns, takes a sip of iced 
tea. “How do you go about growing 
coral in a lab?” she asks. 

“We import specimens from various 
parts of the world and hang them from 
strings in specially heated pools. We 
then wait for the polyps and algae to 
proliferate.” 

“Sounds exciting,” the woman says. 

“Tell the National Science Founda- 
tion. Thanks to government cost-cut- 
ting, we're about to lose our research 
grants, which means ГИ probably have 
to shut down the lab before the end of 
the year." 

The woman's foot stops twitching. 
“Suppose somebody wanted to ship 
coral to the States from down here in 
the Bahamas,” she says. “Could some- 
body do that?” 

“No reason why not,” Faustman re- 
plies. “Provided the Bahamian govern- 
ment gives its permission.” 

The woman sets her glass of iced tea 
on the table, places cool fingertips on 
the back of Faustman's hand. “I know 
someone on the island you should 
meet," she tells him. 

Excited by the intimacy of her touch, 
Faustman begins to describe the new 


ГЇЇ be sun- 


book he's writing, about the plight of 
coral reefs—a 400-page maze of anno- 
tation and revision that, thanks to the 
obsessive nature of scholarship, shares 
his briefcase with a box of bonefish 
lures. The woman interrupts him with 
a smile, some gentle pressure of her 
fingertips, tells him her name is Be- 
atrice. She's the Caribbean editor for a 
travel magazine in New York City, fly- 
ing down to visit friends. 

eatrice," Faustman says. “She was 
Dante's inspiration. His ideal woman." 

“Drove him divinely wild, I hear.” 

“All the way to verse.” 

"Can't you see Emma Thompson іп 
the movie?” 

“Now that you mention it,” Faust- 
тап says. 

"I'm into movies," Beatrice confides. 

On the way down to the Bahamasair 
gate, 20 minutes later, they come face- 
to-face with the staircase mural. 

"There's a travesty for you," Faust- 
man tells her. 

"I'm looking at Columbus," Beatrice 
replies. "Coming on to natives. Doing 
the National Geo thing. 

“What you're looking at is fraudu- 
lent. Columbus is going to betray those 
Indians. He's going to send them off 
in slave ships to work the mines of 
Hispaniola." 

"You're thinking history," says Be- 
atrice with a laugh. "I'm thinking 
turned on by topless." 

° 


Once the yellow-and-blue Bahamas- 
air Convair takes off, it climbs out over 
some white cruise ships berthed at 
Prince George Wharf, passes above 
Paradise Island and, gaining altitude, 
lumbers east and north over а tur- 
quoise sea. Faustman and Beatrice sit 
in the back, behind throbbing engines, 
discussing possible scenes for the script 
of a movie she's thinking of writing. “I 
want it to have a Bahamas setting," she 
tells him. 

“What's the idea?” Faustman asks. 

“The idea is to get myself out of the 
travel mag racket before I overdose on 
the beauty and rapture of the coral 
reefs you want to save. My editor in 
chief's got me churning out enough 
chummy Club Carib copy each month 
to choke a crocodile.” 

“I mean, what's the movie going to 
be about?” Faustman says 

“Something historical maybe, Got 
any ideas?" 

Faustman's idea is to open with the 
conquistadores raiding a Lucayan vil- 
lage, shackling the men, raping the 
women. This to be followed by a track- 
ing shot of suicides bobbing in the 
wake ofa slave ship. 

“Too tragic,” Beatrice tells him. “Also 

(continued on page 108) 


In December 1971 we asked nine celebrated photographers 
to define the word erotic. The result, Personal Visions of the 
Erolic, included, among other startling images, a Ben Rose 
photo of a couple making love atop a zebra and a Francesco 


PILAVE OY CAE ЕНУ 


Scavullo goddess rising nude from an animal pelt. Of his 
shot above, Pete Turner said: “While a woman pulling an- 
other woman's nipple affects some viewers emotionally, I like 
the graphically exciting design.” We're graphics fans, too 


103 


PLAYBOY 


104 


Something СОО] (continued from page 78) 


He took the basic formula: shots of models in sexy 
costumes, bikinis, loincloths and lingerie. 


Grauman’s Chinese Theatre. She sued 
for $5 million (and collected $5000) 

One of the witnesses in O'Hara's tri- 
al, Polly Gould, killed herself the night 
before she was to testify. A member of 
Confidential's editorial staff, she had 
been selling secrets to the prosecutor. 
Soon after the trial, Howard Rush- 
more, the magazine's editor, shot his 
wife in the backseat of a cab, then 
turned the gun on himself. 

Harrison's reign of terror ended 
when the State of California charged 
Confidential with conspiracy to commit 
criminal libel and distribute obscenity. 
He sold the magazine in 1958 and dis- 
appeared from view. 

Harrison had kept sex mired in the 
tawdry for decades. He was a product 
of the tabloid journalism of the first 
half of the century. As a teenager he 
had worked for a national rag, The Dai- 
ly Graphic—a kaleidoscope of scandal, 
confession and doctored photographs 
that earned the title The Daily Porno- 
graphic. He had moved from that job to 
working for Martin Quigley, publisher 
of the Motion Picture Daily and the Mo- 
lion Picture Herald. Quigley was also one 
of the straitlaced Catholics who had 
bullied Hollywood into adopting the 
Production Code. In the shadow of 
propriety and repression, Harrison 
had put together a girlie magazine 
called Beauly Parade. When Quigley 
discovered the project, Harrison was 
out of a job. He took the basic formu- 
la—shots of models in sexy costumes, 
bikinis, loincloths and lingerie—and 
arranged it in short storyboards titled 
“What the French Maid Saw" or "Con- 
fessions of a Nudist” or “If Girls Did As 
Men Do." Harrison's empire of girlie 
magazines grew through the Forties to. 
include Tiler, Wink and Fliri—simple 
fare that combined baggy-pants humor 
and pin-ups. 

A female editor who had read Krafft- 
Ebing's Psychopathia Sexualis contrib- 
uted a litle kink. As Tom Wolfe noted, 
this unsung heroine of the revolution 
brought us “the six-inch spike-heel 
shoes and the eroticism of backsides, or 
of girls all chained up and helpless, or 
of girls whipping the hides off men and 
all the rest of the esoterica of the Vien- 
nese psychologists." 

Others saw the girlie magazines as 
pure Americana. These women, said 
Gay Talese in Thy Neighbor's Wife, por- 
trayed sex as bizarre behavior. “His 
high-heeled heroines with whips and 


frowning faces were, in the best Pur 
tan tradition, offering punishment for 
pleasure." 


FROM FASHION TO FETISH 


This was supposedly a time of inno- 
cence. But there was something un- 
healthy locse in the world, a repressive 
tide that became increasingly visible in 
the postwar years. In fashion, Christian 
Dior sheathed women in the New 
Look—chastity garments that hid and 
hobbled the female form. Dior moved 
from the hourglass to the Н shape, 
a look that inspired the sack dress, 
trapeze and balloon—fashions that 
made the female figure disappear. 
Panty girdles and brassieres bound the 
woman and dehumanized her. “With- 
out foundations,” declared Dior, “there 
can be no fashion.” But foundations 
were unnatural molds that forced 
women into ideal static shapes. They 
seemed to take us back to the turn of 
the century, when a woman's place was 
in her corset—controlled and inaccessi- 
ble. It seemed that we had crossed a 
line trom fashion to teush. John Willie, 
the pseudonym of an enthusiastical- 
ly perverse mind, recorded this sense. 
in the pages of Bizarre. Willie, whose 
real name was John Alexander Scott 
Coutts, was the "Leonardo da Vinci of 
fetish." In the introduction to his first 
issue, Coutts wrote, "Bizarre is, as its 
name implies, bizarre! It has no parti 
ular sense, rhyme nor reason, but typi- 
fies that freedom for which we fought . 
the freedom to say what we like, wear 
what we like and to amuse ourselves a 
we like in our own sweet wi 

Bizarre was a bondage magazine, a 
postwar phenomenon that achieved 
considerable underground cult status. 
Covers showed women blindfolded, 
gagged, manacled. One of the earliest 
Copies showed a devil holding a fashion 
pattern while looking at a chained 
model. Another depicted a woman rid- 
ing an exercise bike. As she pedaled, 
revolving switches lashed her buttocks. 
There were articles on punishment 
techniques of the Puritans, with pic- 
tures of women held captive in pillo- 
ries, of women bound and lowered into 
cold ponds. Americans amusing them- 
selves in their own sweet way. 


THE MCCARTHY ERA 


Puritans had their witch trials, but 
Americans of the Fifties had a witch- 
hunt of their own. The House Un- 


American Activities Committee hear- 
ings launched in 1947 had run amok. 
Responding to Republican charges that 
he was soft on Communism, President 
Truman established loyalty oaths for 
government employees. Soon loyalty 
boards sprang up all across the coun- 
try, but they were star chambers play- 
ing havoc with people's lives on the b: 
sis of rumors and innuendo. 

Truman tried to rein in the anti- 
Communist hysteria by pointing out 
that after periods of great upheaval 
such as the Civil War and World War 
One there had been similar panic, with 
the excesses of the Ku Klux Кап and 
other forms of vigilantism. At a press 
conference in June 1949, Truman rid- 
iculed a HUAC proposal to screen the 
books in America's schools and colleges 
for subversion. 

On February 9, 1950 an obscure U.S. 
Senator from Wisconsin named Joseph 
McCarthy gave a speech to a Repub- 
lican Women's Club in Wheeling, 
West Virginia in which he said, “1 have 
here in my hand a list of 205 names 
known to the Secretary of State as be- 
ing members of the Communist Party 
and who, nevertheless, are still work- 
ing in and shaping the policy of the 
State Deparument." 

The charge electrified America. 
Over the next few weeks, McCarthy 
changed the accusation—the 205 Con 
munists became 205 “security visks. 
When the accusation became "57 card- 
carrying Communists,” the FBI urged 
the Senator to be less specific. The few- 
er the details, the beuer. 

The McCarthy Era had begun. 
America was trampled by what Senator 
Margaret Chase Smith called "the four 
horsemen of calumny—fear, igno- 
rance, bigotry and sme: 

Ап unsubstantiated charge by the 
Senator, or a snickering remark by one 
of his aides, could end а career, Мс- 
Carthy's investigation of the State De- 
partment and the U.S. Army never 
produced a Communist nor exposed 
any wrongdoing, But Tailgunner Joe 
held the country hostage for four 
years, finally self-destructing during a 
televised Army-McCarthy hearing in 
1954. Gensured by his fellow senators, 
McCarthy died in disgrace, an alco- 
holic, at the age of 48 in 1957. But the 
damage lasted more than a decade, 
spread by others practiced in the art of 
what came to be known as McCarthy- 
ism. For some, the damage lasted a 
lifetime. 


THE GREAT HOMOSEXUAL PANIC OF 1950 


Many historians say the witch-hunt 
was inspired by the power of television. 
While McCarthy was pursuing sub- 
versives, Senator Estes Kefauver was 

(continued on page 136) 


BONOS BLACK BOOK 


fast cars, faster women, killer gadgets and shaken martinis— 


tomorrow never dies for the ultimate material man 


па scene in GoldenEye, James 
Bond’s female boss M called her 
top agent a “sexist, misogynist 
dinosaur, a relic of the Cold 
War.” A worldwide audience 
spent $350 million proving her 
wrong and making the film the most 
successful in the series. We think M 
missed the point. Bond's appeal has 
nothing to do with being in a particu- 
lar era in political history. His endur- 
ing appeal has to do with something 
fundamental about being a man. He 
takes the time to take himself serious- 
ly a quality in opposition to being 
pompous. James Bond is a lifelong 
student of quality—in things, in peo- 
ple, in philosophy. He also remains 
the quintessential and unrepentant 
Material Man. No amount of revision- 
ist social change can disturb that. 
James Bond is a man who likes his 
toys. He also likes his clothes, his per- 
sonal accessories, his leather goods, 
his drinks and his food. If his ap- 
petites existed by themselves, he 
would be considered an insufferable 
snob. But Bond has simply decided 
what is best for him—and he gets it. 
He is, more so in the books than іп the 
movies, a complex cluster of all the 
male virtues and some of the more for- 
givable male vices. He is well 
groomed, but not vain. He demands 
quality in everything, but is not a fop. 
And that is how he became an icon in 
the Sixties—when he influenced 
everything from clothing to decorum 
to what every boy wanted to be when 
he grew up. Today, he is back leading 
the way to discerning the high life. 
Fashion designers have co-opted the 
007 look and the book Dressed to Kill: 
James Bond, the Suited Hero dissects 
his sense of style. Tomorrow Never 
Dies, the 18th official Bond epic, cost 
$100 million to make and should go 
on to set a new box office Bond rec- 
ord. What follows is a brief look at 
007% “black book”—a collection of 
the agent’s most memorable lovers, 
а 3 weapons, clothes, gadgets, gizmos, ve- 
article By Lee Pfeiffer hiclesand, of course, villains. 


With the exception of 
his flirtatious but 
chaste relationship 
with Miss Moneypenny, 
Jomes Bond's love life 
never seems to evolve 
beyond o “one-mis- 
sion stand.” Early on- 
ics renorded his lovers 
os bimbos, perhaps 
because of their sug- 
gestive names. Indeed, 
Bond's little block 
book reveals nary o 
Mildred nor a 
Gertrude. Instecd, 
there's Pussy Golore, 
Plenty O'Toole, Honey 
Ryder, Holly Good- 
heod, Kissy Suzuki 
ond Octopussy. Like 
007, eath possesses a 
lorger-thon-life per- 
sona. (t's hard to 
imogine ony of them 
shopping inthe 
frozen-food aisle ог 
"sweating with the 
oldies.") Yet, these 
women are now seen 
оз liberated females. 
They are intelligent 
ond courageous, ond 
they use Bond for their 
own sexvol pleasure 
every bit as selfishly os 
he uses them. Howes- 
er, 007 5 not immune 
To affairs of the heart. 
In "On Her Hojesty's 
Secret Service,” Bond 
married his one true 
love— Contessa Tere- 
so di Vicenzo ("Iro- 
y"}—anlyto see her 
murdered on their 
wedding doy al the 
hands of his orchrival 
Ernst Stavro Blofeld. 
Bond hes resisted 
folling in love ever 
since. His women seem 
comfortable with his 
indulgences in fost 
ors, exotic locales, 
gourmet food, fine 
wines ond steamy sex- 
vol encounters, 05 well 
as his refuscl to ex- 
plore his touchy-feely 
side. In other words, 
Alon Aldo os James 
Bond? Forget it! 


When it comes to equipping James Bond 
with state-of-the-art gadgetry, Britain's su- 
per-secret intelligence service, MI6, relies 
an its awn lethal version of the Sharper 
Image cotolag—ihe workshop of Q, the 
ill-tempered gadgets genius. Rorely re- 
ferred ta by his actual nome—Major 
Geoffrey Boothroyd—Q aften reminds 
007 that without his creations, Bond 
: would have perished long 
одо. Among his mema- 
roble inventions: а lethal 


ottaché cose containing o hidden knife, 
folding sniper's rifle and tear gos bomb; 
а one-man jet pack that allowed Band ta 
saor above his en- 
emies; o partable 
rodio containing 
а rocket launcher 
(dubbed “the 
ghetto blaster”); 
a bulletproof 
shield and re- 
А volving license 
plates on the 
fomed Aston 
Martin DBS; 
Little Nellie, о 
‘one-man auto- 
gyro equipped with a lethal 
arsenal; а cigor-sized underwater 
breather thot provided up ta four minutes 
of emergency оху- 
gen; and ап early 
| protatype of a 
mini-homing de- 
vice and receiver 
used to track tar- 
geled agents up 
ta 150 miles (ond, 
os the pragmatic 
007 paints out, 
“allows a man to 
stop off fora 
quick ane en 
route”). Band's least practical gadget wos 
a submarine in the shape of an olligctor, 
and the mast lu- 
сгойуе wos an 
electromagnetic 
RPM Controller 
that ensured a 
win on a slot 
machine every 
single time. 


In Dr. No, James Bond's weopon was a 


Beretta. The gun wos frowned upon by М 
for its lock of stopping power and wos 
dismissed Бу Q os something o lady 
might carry in her handbag. Since then, 
Band has carried а Walther PPK 7.65 mm 
(above), which has a delivery “like o brick 


È through a plate glass window.” Unlike 


many of Band's weopans, the Walther 
PPK's anly oc- 
cessory is a si- 
lencer. In Li- 
cense to Kill, 
Timothy Dol- 
ton (right) os 
007 uses a 
“signature 
gun,” which 
resembles 
а comera. 
Souped up by |) 
Q, the weap- 

an fires .220 high-velocity bullets ond 
features on optical sensor on the grip that 
recognizes Bond's palm prints ond finger 
printe.The lotest incornatian of the Walther 
is the P99 madel, o saphisticated hand- 
gun thot Band uses to devastating effect 
in Tomarrow Never Dies. 


А liberal portion af James Bond's seem- 
ingly limitless expense account is doled 
aut for his stylish wardrobe. Early Band 
fashions were created by Anthony Sinclair 
of London. For the Tomarrow Never Dies 


Ў mission, however, Bond sporis the more 


cantemporary, lightweight style of Brioni, 


} including a three-piece, single-breasted 


suit custom-tailared by Checchino Fanti- 
cali (pictured above). 007's Brioni word- 


2 rabe оба features а midnight-blue tux 

3 and а cashmere avercoat. His shirts ore 
handmade by the London firm Turnbull & 

Í Asser of Jermyn Street. 


Emilio Largo toyed with hi- 


jecked otamic bombs Dr. | 

No tried to destroy the U.S. Jomes Bond is specific 
spoce progrom. Ernst Stavro cut how his favorite 
Blofeld heated up the Cold drinks should be pre- 
Wor from his lair inside о pared and served. 


dormant Joponese volcono. 
Froncisco Scoromango was 
a million-dollor-o-shot os- 


{Dom Pérignon chom- 
pogne, for example, 
must be chilled below 


sassin armed with a golden 38 degrees Fohren- 
gun (shown below]. Bond heit; sake must be 
bod guys are equol-opportu- wormed to 98.4 de- 
nity megolomoniocs, em- grees Fahrenheit.) 


ploying dysfunctionol hench- 
men of oll roces, sexes ond 
creeds. (Where else could a 
mute Koreon musclemon 
nomed Oddjob work os an 
executioner ond golf coddy?) 


He's even more porti- 
ular chout his vesper 
martini. He prefers il 
with three measures of 
Gordon's gin, one of 
vodkc and half o mec- 
sure cf Kina Liller. It 
should be served ie- 
cold, straight up and 
with c large slice of 
lemon регі. Don't 
forget; It's shaken, 
not stirred. 


James Bond's “license to kill" and his li- © 
cense lo drive ore nearly synonymous in - 
the deodly world of internotional espi- 
cnage, with high-speed choses in such 
diverse locales as Jomaica, the Swiss 
Alps ond the streets of Tokyo. Since the 
Goldfinger mission of 1964, Bond has 
periodicolly driven his trademark Aston 
Marlin DBS (right), which sports such 
extras os machine guns, retractoble 
tire shredders, on ejector seat and 
Bond's cure for toilgoters: smoke- 


screens 
ond deadly oil slicks dis- 
charged from the back of the cor. For The Spy 
Who Loved Ме, 007's godget-laden Lotus Esprit converted to o 
minisubmarine. It combined the shell of a Lotus with a submersible body created by 
Q's laborotory, ond was equipped with underwoler radar capobility and anti-aircraft 
missiles. The Living Daylights found Bond's life depending on an Aston Martin Volante 
with guided missiles ond tire-piercing laser beoms. Although Bond occosionally drives such gadget-free vehicles os а vintoge Bentley, 
above (Never Say Never Again), and o Citroen 2CV (For Your Eyes Only), high-tech tronsportation remoins his norm. Recently, 007 
hos shown ollegionce to BMW, as evidenced by his use of o Z3 roodster 
for the GoldenEye mission. Thot cor featured Stinger mis- 
siles ond—perhops out of sentiment—an ejector seot 
(it wos never used). Bond's loyalty to BMW contin- 
ues in Tomorrow Never Dies, in which he com 
bats his foes with а 75011 (right), com- 
plete with rockets and remote- 
control copability (which, if 
nothing else, gives him o dis- 
tinct advantage in those noto- 
rious London traffic jams) 


PLAYBOY 


108 


Down in rhe DO | cone from page 102) 


What wouldn't he give to be able to toss aside his re- 
serve and whisper something sufficiently lewd. 


too far back in time." 

Faustman considers the fact that the. 
opening chapter of his book on cor- 
al reefs describes the slow accretion 
through eons of calcium carbonate de- 
posits that eventually become more 
than three miles thick. "How about 
starting with the Pirate Republic in 
Nassau 

“If you're thinking a buccaneers- 
making-captives-walk-the-plank kind 
ing—it's been done.) 
I guess I'm running dry,” Faustman 
admits. 

“Try free-associating. Did you know 
there were women buccancers as well 
as men?" 

“No,” Faustman says, “I didn't know 
that.” 

“How about lesbian pirates?” 

“Now that's something I hadn't 
thought of.” 

“Stripping Spanish grandees of their 
boots and breeches, sodomizing them 
with dirk handles.” 

“Pretty far out,” Faustman says casu- 
ally, as if he hears this kind of conversa- 
tion all the time. 

“Trying to loosen you up. What 
comes to mind when I say duke and 
duchess?" 

“Windsor and Wallis. They spent the 
war years here when he was governor 
of the Bahamas.” 

“Forget reality for the moment. Let 
yourself float.” 

“My mind's not as buoyant as yours.” 

“Think of the duke tied hand and 
foot to the bed in Government House. 
Ask yourself what he is doing all 
trussed up.” 

“What is he doing all trussed up?" 

Beatrice gives a sigh. “He's the mid- 
dle of a daisy chain! Chauffeur at one 
end, lady-in-waiting at the other, 
Duchess Busybody directing things. 
‘Telling people what to do and when to 
switch.” 

"Sounds like a porn film." 

“What we're aiming for is adult en- 
tertainment with a concept. A mix of 
sex and history.” 

“You mean sex as history,” Faustman 
says. 

“Now you're getting the picture,” 
Beatrice tells him. 

Faustman decides to take what en- 
couragement he can from this assess- 
ment for there's not much to be had 
from any review of his own sex life dur- 
ing the six years since his wife left him 
for an ichthyologist on the fast track at 


Scripps—the high points being a fren- 
zied stairwell encounter with one oF his 
graduate students, а parents’-weekend 
stand with the mother of another and 
some sporadic trysts with the unhappy 
wife of a colleague in the Littoral Drift 
Department. What wouldr't he give to 
be able to toss aside his academic re- 
serve, lean confidently toward Be- 
atrice's naked ear, whisper something 
sufficiently lewd to stir her obviously 
lustful heart. 

The plane has already begun to de- 
scend. White roofs in Spanish Wells are 
visible out the left-side window, the 
skinny shank of Current Island is on 
the right, dangerous-looking reefs lie 
below. “HF the flight were longer, we 
could put in more,” Beatrice tells him. 
“Duchess' favorite thing, for example: 
getting rogered by the chauffeur while 
she watches her lady-in-waiting go 
down on the duke.” 

Faustman gazes speechless along her 
gold-sheathed thigh, imagines all man- 
ner of scenarios that could unfold, is 
thankful he's sitting down. “What do 
you say we continue this over drinks 
and dinner?” he says. "Coveside for 
nks, Bayview for dinner, Angelina's 
if we're in the mood for fried.” 

Gleaming in sunlight beyond the 
window are the vast sand flats of 
North Eleuthera, where Faustman has 
planned to take respite from contem- 
plating the mass murder of coral by 
fishermen armed with bleach, and to 
wait breathlessly for bonefish to mate- 
rialize like ghosts in gin-clear water 
that looks as thin as the sun glare it 
reflects. However, the prospect he 
dreams of now is no longer that of tor- 
pedo-shaped shadows cruising toward 
him beneath a curtain of water rising 
оп the flats, but of him and the Botti- 
cellian Beatrice heaving in ecstasy be- 
tween the sheets in a room filled with 
the scent of pink hibiscus. 

“Love to,” Beatrice says. “Call you 
once I check in with my hosts.” 

“I'm staying in one of the cottages at 
Windsong,” Faustman tells her. 


The plane lands with a squeal of 
tires, followed by the reverse roaring of 
turboprops. As it taxis toward a peeling 
yellow adobe building that serves as the 
airport terminal, it passes the cannibal- 
ized shell of an old DC-3 that sits by the 
runway, nose tilted toward the sky, as if 
poised for takeoff. 


A policeman wearing a pair of red- 
striped navy-blue pants and an im- 
maculate white tunic stamps Beatrice's 
passport before waving her on into the 
building; he does the same for Faust- 
man, who, eyes tethered to her undu- 
lating gait, trails behind her like a pack 
animal. On the street side, they pile in- 
to the back ofa battered Buick taxi that 
bumps its way over a mile-long stretch 
of scarred macadam to a limestone 
dock, where a beat-up speedboat waits 
to take them and other travelers on 
board. Soon the boat is bouncing bow 
to the sky across the bay to Dunster- 
town, spraying a tattoo of foaming wa- 
ter, trailing a dazzling wake. The tur- 
bulence of the waves and the roar 
given off by а pair of hundred-horse- 
power Yamaha outboards make con- 
versation impossible. Faustman watch- 
es Beatrice ride the ups and downs as if 
she were sitting on a frisky horse and 
calms the turmoil in his breast by imag- 
ining Venus sea fans waving in the 
depths below. 

Ten minutes later, the boat draws up 
to a staircase landing by the pink Cus- 
toms house on Government Pier in 
Dunstertown. As usual there's a small 
crowd on hand—dockworkers, jitney 
drivers, kids on bikes, some tourists in 
shorts and sun hats. Faustman recog- 
nizes one of the jitney drivers—a 
somber-faced fellow whom everyone 
calls Sergeant—and returns his solemn 
wave. Beatrice is standing beside him 
in the stern, looking up at a Mercedes 
ра еа at the top of the steps. The 

ег of the car, a large black man 

5 wraparound sunglasses, is al- 
ready being handed her luggage. Ас 
this point, she smiles at Faustman, 
places a hand on his shoulder and de- 
livers the other into a massive paw held 
forth by the hulk on the landing, whom 
she quickly squeezes past to mount the 
staircase, one high-heeled sandal after 
another propelling her breathtaking 
buttocks to the top, where, sashaying 
past a suddenly radiant Sergeant, she 
walks to the Mercedes, and, while 
Faustman fumbles in his wallet for 
three one-dollar bills to pay the boat- 
man, slides inside. He is sull fumbling 
in his wallet, stunned by the sight of 
her golden bottom slipping away like 
a sunset, when someone taps him on 
the elbow. It's the boatman wanting 
money. 

By the time he climbs the stairs to the 
pier and asks Sergeant who owns the 
Mercedes, the car is moving slowly 
along the pier toward Front Street 

“Belong to the Greek,” Sergeant 
says. “One who's been bringing in all 
the palm trees." 

"And how about the woman in gold 
pants?" 

"That Beatrice." 


“It's always the same with you—shaken but not stirred.” 


109 


РЕАУВОУ 


110 


"Does she belong to the Greek?” 

“Comes to visit.” 

Faustman has heard of the man—an 
overweight shipping magnate and en- 
wepreneur from Piraeus with a long 
name and a fleet of rusting tankers, 
who has been buying up property on 
the island ever since Hurricane Ап- 
drew snapped its stately palms in two, 
flattened its hotels and peeled away 
half the rooís in Dunstertown. The 
usual insular gossip attends, fueled by 
maids and gardeners working at the es- 
tate he is refurbishing at the north end, 
who speculate about the possibility that 
contraband is hidden in the fronds of 
the palms he imports, about the myste- 
rious comings and goings of the twin- 
engine Grumman amphibian that flies 
him to and from Nassau and about the 
exotic looking women who can be seen 
disembarking from the motor yacht 
that plies back and forth from Miami 
and Fort Lauderdale to his private 
dock. Suddenly, Fausuman feels his day 
£o slack, like a fly line whose leader 
has been parted by a heavy fish—in 
this case, a Greek tycoon with money 
enough to import boatloads of trees 
from Central America, Beatrice's гау- 
ishing butt from Manhattan and God 
only knows what else. 

Sergeant is craning his neck and 
shielding his eyes with his hand as he 
looks up at a pair of small airplanes 
zooming back and forth above the bay. 

“What's going on up there?" Faust- 
man asks. "Why're they chasing each 
othei 

"Drug-enforcement planes," Ser- 
geant says. "They only practicing." 

“What for?" 

"Senda message maybe.” 

“To whom?" 

Sergeant rolls his eyes. "Somebody 
here below.” 

"What kind of message?" 

“That something coming down." 

Faustman recognizes the euphe- 
mism, knows better ıhan to ask more 
questions. He's seen the concrete-filled 
barrels that render the island's tiny 
airstrip unusable, watched the search- 
lights of helicopters sweeping across 
the bay on moonless nights, come 
across bullet-riddled flotsam on Sting- 
ray Island and, while fishing on the 
Eleuthera flats, melted into the man- 
groves on more than one occasion 
when he didn't like the look of an ар- 
proaching boat. 

His mood brightens as he leaves the 
pier. What greets his eyes are splashes 
of color that might have been scraped 
off Gauguin's palette. On the slope be- 
hind the waterfront rise tiers of cot- 
tages with blazing white-shingled roofs 
overhung by the foliage of giant fig 
trees. Behind every wall are fragrant 
gardens inhabited by stunning flow- 


ers—scarlet five-petaled blooms of hi- 
biscus, orange tubular blossoms of 
Spanish Cordia and purple bells of 
bougainvillea—all of them frequented 
by fork-tailed hummingbirds that fly 
sideways and backward, and thirsty ba- 
nanaquits that hang upside down on 
frail stems like tightrope walkers who 
have lost their footing. The sight of 
these tiny tropical creatures causes 
Faustman's spirits to soar, his stride to 
quicken. Five minutes later, he checks 
into his cottage at Windsong Beach. An 
hour afier that, fly rod rigged and at 
the ready, he is wading out across the 
tidal flat behind the island’s dilapidat- 
ed power station. 

This is the secret world of his 
dreams—the brilliantly illuminated 
arena into which predators of all kinds, 
he among them, come in search of 
prey. Here, with the sun at his back, the 
visor of his cap pulled down over his 
Polaroids, he scans the labyrinth of 
light and shadow that stretches before 
him, strains to detect the slightest 
movement in the carpet of turtle grass 
that covers the bottom, watches for 
gray shapes to reveal themselves 
against patches of sand, examines shal- 
low holes in the sand that indicate how 
recently his quarry has rooted for food, 
tries to keep in mind that the merest 
countercurrent on the wind-ruffled 
surface—the tiniest of ripples—can sig- 
nal its approach. 

On this day, however, his powers of 
concentration and his thoughts lie else- 
where, manacled to a mind's eye that is 
unable to focus upon anything except 
Beatrice’s sumptuous breasts and ta- 
pered haunches—a torso that would 
have inspired Michelangelo. Strug- 
gling to put her out of mind, he re- 
sumes his surveillance of the water 
stretching before him in time to see the 
flat-trajectory light of the setting sun 
glint on the silver tails of several bone- 
fish foraging heads down in the sand, 
50 yards away. The tails witch and dis- 
appear, leaving a slight bulge on the 
surface, a nervous shimmer that moves 
this way and that but steadily in his 
direction. 

Faustman waits until the tremulous 
patch comes to within 60 feet, then 
gives his rod a quick backward flip, 
plucks the Pink Charley he has been 
holding between thumb and forefinger 
into the air and, adding line by false 
casting, sends the fly out over the wa- 
ter. It lands smack in the middle of the 
imperceptible commotion to which his 
eyes are glued. There isa boil of alarm 
followed by an audible splash. The 
V-shaped wakes of frightened bonefish 
streak hellbent across the glassy surface 
of the flat—a mirror in which Faust- 
man imagines Beatrice succumbing to 


all manner of blandishments in the vil- 
la of the Greek tycoon. 


He has just stepped out of the show- 
er and is toweling himself off when the 
telephone rings. It's Beatrice calling 
from only a mile or two away, but be- 
cause of the crackle of static always 
present in the island system, sounding 
as if she were a continent removed. 

"If you could see yourself out there," 
she tells him. "You look like one of 
those stiff-necked herons. Meph and 
I've been watching you through the 
telescope on his gazebo.” 

“Meph—" Faustman says. 

“Му host. Meph's short for Mephis- 
10, which is short for his real name, 
which is too long to bother with. Гуе 
told him how you import and grow 
coral in your lab at the insutute. He's 
interested in meeting you. Says you 
could be just the person he's been look- 
ing for." 

"Why should he want to meet me?" 
Faustman asks, even as his heart leaps 
at the prospect of seeing her again. 

"Meph is planning to develop Haven 
Island, which is why he's been buying 
up property and planting palms. He. 
wants to talk to you about saving the 
reefs so he can attract the glass bot- 
tom-boat and diving crowds. Which 
reminds me, whatre you doing? I 
mean right now.” 

“Right now, I'm drying myself off,” 
Faustman replies. 

"Mmmm," Beatrice says soft! 
do some more free-associating. Give 
теа word. Any word." 

“Towel,” Faustman tells her, knowing 
it around his waist. 


"Look down, silly." 

BW A 

"Want to go fishing?" 

"Yes," says Faustman, thickly. 

“Then keep it rigged till I get over." 

"The wait is agonizing, a frenzy of an- 
ticipation accompanied by involuntary 
ups and downs. To remain calm, Faust- 
man pours himself a slug of Barbados 
rum, swallows half of it in a gulp, sinks 
limply into a sofa. Darkness has fallen. 
Тһе air pulsing through the window of 
the couage is heavy with the fragrance 
of jasmine and night-blooming cereus. 

When Beatrice comes through the 
door, 20 minutes later, she's wearing 
her high-heeled sandals, a pair of raw- 
silk pink-beige slacks, a blue cotton 
tank top and an exuberant smile. “Lis- 
ten, we play this thing right with Meph, 
it could change our lives!” she cries. 

Faustman looks at her as if she were 

(continued on page 130) 


nana Vemm VALENTINO 


the playmate turned publisher who keeps us all in touch 


HEN READERS met Victo- 

ria Valentino in Septem- 

ber 1963, she was into 

singing, painting, danc- 
ing and acting. She soon added work- 
ing as a Bunny at the Los Angeles 
Playboy Club. Most recently, she's the 
woman behind Cenierfold Sweethearts, a 
quarterly newsletter that updates fans 
on their favorite Playmates. "I let fans 
know how to get in touch with us on a 
personal basis," she says. "It's in high 
demand.” As Victoria puts it, her life 
has been "a veritable odyssey. I've been 
married a few times, had three chil- 
dren, gone back to college and become 
a registered nurse." The loss of her son 
in a drowning accident inspired her to 
become a bereavement counselor as 


well. “When you help others heal, you 
heal yourself, too,” she says. Victoria 
has certainly done that—and more 


She shined аз a Playmate in 1963 (above 
and right), but Victaria laves acting and 
writing. "I'm working оп my memoirs, and 


I'm now ready to resume acting,” she says 


Publishers ard agents, are yau listening? 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY MARIO CASILLI 


"Once а Playmate, always a Playmate" certainly holds true for Victa- 
ria (today, right). Besides promoting PLAYBOY and publishing Center- 
fold Sweethearts (above), she visite the Mansion for sperial events. 
“Hef can really throw a party” she says. Some things never change. 


p a 


А тап їп а tuxedo gets what 
he wants. On this page Otto 
Plays the part of a grandly 
dressed inquisitor. To match 
his outfit, look for а black 
wool tuxedo by Ermenegildo 
Zegna (51700). Today's Яу- 
front shirt eliminates the 
need for studs and has a 
clean, trim look. Zegna man- 
ufactures our favorite wing- 
tip tuxedo shirt ($200) in ad- 
dition to а classic silk bow tie 
апа cummerbund set ($260). 


"т 


blond (for now)—three reasons 

why co-producer Barbara Broc- 
coli cast Götz Otto as the psychopath- 
ic Stamper in Tomorrow Never Di 
We'll give you reason number for 
The man looks killer in class: 
clothes. Otto was outfitted in tra: 
tional Bond bad-guy garb: dynamite 
tuxedos, evil eyewear and trousers 
with razor-sharp creases. Like his cin- 
ematic predecessors Klaus Maria 
Brandauer, Curt Jurgens and Gott- 
fried John, Оно is а German enforcer 
who makes 007 sweat. He's also 66”, 
which means his clothes are cus- 
tomized by the fashion equivalent of 
Q. But we've given you info on compa- 
rable cuts from designers available in 
the U.S. With some cash and confi- 
dence, you too can make like a movie. 


H e’s German, he's bad and he's 


villain. Just don't forget the hair dye. ш 


RN 


On the roof of the Hotel 
Atlantic, one of Ham- 
burg's coolest hot spots, 
Otto hangs by his threads. 
When you want to be a 
man in black, try a merino 
wool sweater ($118) and a 
pair of black jeans ($48) 
by СК Calvin Klein. And to 
see well while you're look- 
ing good, try the wire- 
rimmed sunglasses by 
Porsche ($380). 


OK, so you're not the 

Strongman for a guy 

bent on world domina- 

tion. But—damn, this 

suit is hot. Look for а 

wool-and-mohair suit 

by Ozwald Boateng. 

It's single-breasted ^ 
with a fly front and NI. 
peak lapels ($3100). em |. | 
Use leftover money j 

оп a T-shirt by the Y 
Gap ($14). 


E 
к 
ТТИ 


A tall beauty will boost 
your appearance no 
matter what. Otto's 
clothes also help. Shop 
for а complete outfit by 
Boss Hugo Boss: а sin- 
gle-breasted suit 
($850), white shirt 
($95) and silk tie ($85). 
Add a pair of sunglass- 
es by Persol ($210) and 
see if the girls don't 


HERE & HON TO BUY ON PAGE t4: come running. 


PAUL THOMAS ANDERSON 


or 27-year-old director Paul Thomas 
E the thrilled critical response 
to his film “Boogie Nights"—the story of an 
innocent young man whose foot-long love 
gland transforms him into a porn star of 
the late Seventies and early Eighties—must 
make the sophomore direclor feel like he's 
similarly endowed. The film is based on a 
short Anderson made when he was 17, 
called “The Dirk Diggler Story." Ten years 
later, il's screen history. In the interim An- 
derson made another short, “Cigarettes and 
Coffee,” that got him into the Sundance In- 
stitule's Filmmaker's Workshop and that led 
lo his first feature, "Sydney." Starring 
Samuel L. Jackson and Guyneth Paltrow, it 
was retitled "Hard Eight" and quickly faded 
away, We asked Contributing Editor David 
Rensin to talk with Anderson as "Boogie 
Nights” went into wide release. Rensm says, 
“We met at a popular Valley deli, where the 
waitresses knew and adored Anderson, He 
sat down, rummaged in his huge briefcase 
for his glasses, and with a smile announced, 
‘Let me wash my hands before I begin the 
interview.’ I think that he also washed them 
afterward. 


ik, 


PLAYBOY: You wait until the end of Boo- 
gie Nighis to show Dirk Diggler's 13- 
inch cock. Did you ever think of reveal- 
ing the goods sooner? 

ANDERSON: In the earliest assembly of 
the movie, we showed it in his first sex 
scene. At the time, 1 wasn't sure ifit was 
something we should see immediately, 
to get it out of the way. But when I 
watched the film, 1 realized и had to be 
saved for the end. Metaphorically, it's 
the come shot. I's everything you 
could hope for from a movie ending. 
David Mamet once said, "The last five 
seconds separates the men from the 
boys." I took 
that quote to 
heart and ran 
with it. 


{һе auteur of 
boogie nights 
on the death z 


PLAYBOY: Do 


of porn you think your 
Е initials— 
working with ?-1.A.—had 
anything at all 

burt and why to do with Boo- 
gie Nighis' get- 

he saved the îng an R from 


the movie rat- 
ings board? 

ANDERSON: I'm 
not sure, but 1 
loved dealing 


best for last 
SEE 


with the MPAA people. When we sub- 
mitted the movie, it was NC-17. I said, 
"I can't argue with you.” What they 
said next surprised me: “Ме just want 
you to know we love this movie, and we 
want it to be NC-17." I said, "What do 
you mean?" They said, "We created 
that rating for movies like this, movies 
that deal with explicit materizl but that 
are also legitimate films. Then Show- 
girls came along and made us look like 
girls, sort of wiped the rating back to 
an X. So we need a movie like this." 
That changed my mind. 1 understood, 
but I said, “I can't be the guinea pig.” 
Ultimately, only 40 seconds had to 
come out, which was basically of Mark 
Wahlberg's ass, humping. That was 
fine, since и didn't interfere with the 
storytelling. 


3 
PLAYBOY: Did you ever consider ex- 
porn-star-gone-legit-actor Traci Lords 
fora rol 


ANNERSON: No. A little too wink-wink 
nudge-nudge. Also, Bob Shea, the pres- 
ident of New Line, suggested it, so I 
guess I rebelled. I must have 2 problem 
with authority. [Pauses] However, I did 
cast Veronica Hart. She's not only а 
great person, she's the Meryl Streep of 
porn. She plays the judge in the cus- 
тойу hearing between Amber Waves 
and her ex-husband. 


4. 


PLAYBOY: One issue Boogie Nights takes 
on is the debate over making porn on 
film or videotape. Why all the fuss 
about new technology? 

ANDERSON: In a business that can be de- 
moralizing, you really need to latch on 
to any dignity you can get. When porn 
was on film, anyone in that industry 
could have drawn a quick, straight line. 
to so-called legitimate movies. It was 94 
frames a second, through light, up ona 
screen. Video took that away. Some in- 
dustry people argued that video was 
good because it got the product into 
the home for private viewing, and con- 
sumers didn't have to bear the stigma 
of going to an adult theater. I hats 
true, but it's also a desperate justifica- 
tion by those who were shoved into a 
new technological arena—whether 
they wanted to go or not. I absolutely 
believe that video ruined the business. 
Inherent in using film is the need to 
figure out a plan of action beforehand. 
Where do we want to put this camera? 
We only have so much time, money 


and film. That translated into a more 
focused product. Video brought a new 
mentality: "We'll shoot a bunch of stuff. 
We don't really have to plan this be- 
cause we can cut it into something lat- 
er.” During my research I went to a 
porn shoot done on videotape. There 
was no time between setups. At a cer- 
tain point there was nothing romantic 
going on, nothing remotely emotional 
or sexual. It was just fucking. It was 
torture, period. No trace of human 
contact 


5. 


PLAYBOY: The adult movie theater is 
dead, but aren't we left with a genera- 
tion of moviegoers who have a Pavlov- 
ian reaction to the smell of Lysol? 
ANDERSON: [Laughs, claps hands] Wow. 
That's funny. Hey, you know what? 
Fuck my answer—just make sure that 
question is in there 


6. 


rLavuoy: Burt Reynolds has received 
raves for his role as the filmmaker Jack 
Horner. Critics write of his career be- 
ing resurrected and a possible Osca 

nomination. But he didn't promote or 
support the film, and there were ru- 
mors he had some problems with it 
What can you say to Burt to help him 
feel better about his performance 
ANDERSON: Near the end of Burt's auto- 
biography—which I listened to on 
tape—he says, and I’m paraphrasing: 
“I know I will never win an Oscar, be- 
cause no one really respects me as an 
actor. But here's the speech 1 would 
give if I did win." He gives a beautiful 
speech, sort of thanks his son, Quinton. 
I just hope he gets to give it for real so 
maybe he'll believe that people do re- 
spect him and like him. I'm proud of 
Burt's performance. 

That said. let me tell you a funny 
tle story. А friend of mie named Mike 
Stein—he played Dirk Diggler in the 
original Dirk Diggler Story—was in a su- 
permarket in Van Nuys about mid- 
night a couple months ago. He saw 
Burt's friend Dom DeLuise in the 
frozen-food section. Mike walked up 
and said, "Mr. DeLuise? My name's 
Mike Stein, and I want го tell you I 
think you're great. I've been watching 
you for years and. you're just wonder- 
ful." Dom thanked him and they start- 
ed to chat. Eventually, Mike felt it was 
appropriate to say, "I have a friend 
who just worked with Burt They made 
a movie together.” Dom said. “Oh, 


119 


PLAYBOY 


that’s great. What's the movie?" Mike 
said, “It's called Boogie Nights. It's about 
porn stars, about a hot new talent and 
the turbulent things he goes through 
in becoming the world’s biggest porn 
star." And Dom said, “Oh, that's great. 
Is Burt going to play that part?” 


7. 


PLAYBOY: Was that Burt's problem? He 
really wanted Wahlberg's рам? 
ANDERSON: No, but that's why Warren 
Beatty isn't in the movie. Warren called 
me and said, "I love this script. Let's 
talk." He's really seductive on the 
phone. 175 like being flashed with that 
Men in Black memory device: Bap! “I 
don't know how you did that or what 
just happened, but suddenly you've 
got me under your spell." After two 
weeks of going round, I finally deci- 
phered his meaning. I said, "You want 
to play Dirk Diggler, don't youz" Не 
said, "Yeah, let's go!" 1 think he was 
joking and not joking, I said, “I know, I 
know! Everybody wants to play Dirk. 
But, Warren. . 


8. 


PLAYBOY: With all the attention that 
you've received on this film, it seems 
you're experiencing a Dirk Diggler— 
like success. writing the part teach 
you how to handle it? 
ANDERSON: Absolutely, I’m him. I havea 
very large penis and a Nissan Sentra. 1 
just need to trade that in for a red 
Corvette [laughs]. As we're talking, I'm 
right in the middle of the heat. And I 
don’t want to feel bad—as is my ten- 
dency—about enjoying that people are 
loving this movie, thata million celebri- 
Чез are calling, going, “Blah blah blah, 
1 want to meet you! Oh my God!” I just 
spent two years of my life—without a 
vacation—making this. So it's OK to 
feel good instead of thinking I don't 
deserve it. And with my next movie, 1 
plan to take advantage of it all. Now 
I'm getting promised final cut. I’m be- 
ing promised Kodak prints instead of 
Fuji prints. Wonderful. A powerful, 
charismatic studio head sat me down 
yesterday and said, "Your next three 
movies are green-lit. Keep them all un- 
der $15 million. You've got final cut, 
you don't have to do a preview and 
you're set. Go. Shake my hand, yes or 
no." I said, “Well, I don't fuck on the 
first date. I’m sorry, I can't do that.” 
Why? Although he has a good record 
and is brilliant at marketing movies, 
the truth is, 1 won't have to deal with 
just him. There are 40 other people ас 
the company who will be involved in 
my movie. I have to meet and get to 
know them before I can commit to 
making a movie there. So I said, 
“That's very flattering and I don't want 
to be the jerk kid who says, ‘Go fuck 


yourself and your deal,’ but I have to 
protect myself and the actors in the 
movies I make. I've got to know more." 
So he laughed and smiled and said, 
"Thirty million!” Just kidding. He said, 
“1 understand, and I'll bet you don't 
call me." 


ар 


PLAYBOY: Who did you call? 
ANDERSON: Spielberg. He wanted to 
meet. When God calls, you show up. 
You take off the blinders, you tuck in 
your shirt and you go and see him. It 
was thrilling. I got to lunch with him 
on the day my movie opened. I said, 
"This feels very odd yet wonderful." 
My first influences were Jaws and Close 
Encounters. I saw them when I was sev- 
en, and I knew what I wanted to do. So 
sitting with him I had this weird flash- 
back. Despite all this talk about my be- 
ing a hotshot, any juice 1 might have 
had was drained right there, and 1 was 
а seven-year-old again. I asked him, 
"What do you think of the way we're 
releasing the movie?” He said he 
thought it was great and, “I think 
you're going to make a lot of money.” I 
4, “Well, you're the only human be- 
ing who knows.” 


10. 


PLAYBOY: Gwyneth Paltrow has said 
you're obsessed with the actors to the 
point of—in her case—making them 
feel supremely confident. What did she 
mean? When shooung is over and the 
actors move on, can you? What's your 
weaning process? 

ANDERSON: Sometimes I can take being 
a fan to excess. Maybe part of the геа- 
son this movie is so long is that I love 
staring at the actors with the camera. I 
can let things go on for a long time just 
because I'm getting off on it. My selfish 
love for them can get in the way of 
telling the story. It happens because I 
believe in working with actors who are 
my friends. I treat their characters with 


real people. My relationship with the 
actor is right there on-screen. I think it 
gives me an advantage. 

There is no weaning process. When 
the movie's over, I am a jilted lover 
who is jealous that the actor is making 
a movie with anyone but me. When Ju- 
lianne Moore went off to do Spielberg's 
The Lost World after she did Boogie 
Nights, 1 was jealous and hurt. Of 
course, I love that she did his movie, 
but a weird thing happens. It's like 
they're out there cheating on me. After 
Hard Eight Y told Gwyneth, “1 can't be- 
lieve you're cheating on me.” She said, 

"Oh shut up." But I can't help it. And 
it's good in the way it compels me to 
write again, so I can win them back. 
That is where my writing comes from: 


I'm concocting ways to watch my 
friends act. 


11. 


PLAYBOY: If you had to choose between 
writing and directing — 

ANDERSON: Oh fuck off. That's Sophie's 
Choice. [Smiles] 1 suppose I'd write and 
then I'd terrorize whoever was direct- 
ing. I'd stare over his shoulder. I'd tear 
off his face, like Hannibal Lecter did, 
and plaster it onto mine. I'd eat him. 


12. 


PLAYBOY: You're doing this interview at 
a deli whose slogan is “Every sandwich 
is a work of Art,” Art being the owner. 
Let's make lunch: Describe Dirk Dig- 
gler, Amber Waves, Jack Horner and 
Rollergirl as if they were on the menu. 

ANDERSON: Dirk: a sandwich with lots of 
special sauce. But I can't tell you what 
the special sauce is. Amber Waves: a 
bowl of soup, a warm, cuddly, beautiful 
chicken noodle soup. The Jack Horner 

sandwich: a lot of ham and cheese. And 
you have to take away a lot of the ham. 
Rollergirl: a sandwich you can't get a 
bite out of, no matter how hard you try. 


13. 


PLAYBOY: What's the worst part of mak- 
ing movies? 

ANDERSON: On Boogie Nights, all the time, 
effort and energy making the movie, 
and making sure it was technically OK, 
and then seeing it in theaters and real- 
izing that projectionists have the final 
cut, Here’s what goes on in the booth: 
Most movies are “plattered,” which 
means all eight reels—one reel is about 
20 minutes—are joined together on a 
big plate that turns and the film runs 
through the projector: The projection- 
ist's job is to cut the last frame of one 
reel to the first frame of the next reel 
and splice it together. It's supposed to 
be this perfect straight line with noth- 
ing missing. But projectionists will 
drop film on the floor. They'll cut and 
splice in weird moments, and skip 
frames. I was at a theater where the 
movie was down for 15 minutes. It 
broke and fell on the floor. The projec- 
uonist picked it up, put it together. 
There were frames missing, there was 
dirt all over it. And he never made 
a call to New Line saying, "This has 
happened, send me a new print.” If I 
hadn't snuck into the theater to see the 
audience reaction, that dirty print 
would still be playing. 


14. 


PLAYBOY: Your film is full of maternal is- 
sues. Dirk's real mom was shrewish. He 
had sex with his adoptive mom, who al- 
so turned him on to cocaine. You've 
been silent on your relationship with 

(concluded on page 165) 


“Well, Jekyll, I can't say the formula was a complete failure." 


121 


THE NAME IS DECKERS, 
DAPHNE DECKERS 


BONDING 
ФИН 
DAPHNE 


D utch model and actress Daphne Deck- 
ers is as famous in Holland as Queen 
Beatrix. It’s not surprising. With a résumé 
that includes being “the face” of Veronica TV 
(a young, wild Dutch television station), ap- 
pearing in Dutch singer Marco Borsato’s mu- 
sic videos and writing a best-seller (My Life as 
a Model) and a children's book, she has 
graced more billboards, magazine covers, 
book jackets and TV screens than all of Dutch 
royalty combined. Next up? A role as the sexy 


public relations agent to bad guy Jonathan 
Pryce in the new James Bond flick, Tomorrow 
Never Dies. “It’s a small part,” says the 29- 
year-old beauty. “I auditioned to be one ofthe 
Bond girls, but those roles went to Teri 
Наісһег and Michelle Yeoh.” Daphne, Тегі, 
Michelle—sounds like 007th heaven to us. 


Deckers shakes and stirs in Tomorrow Never 
Dies alongside Pierce Brosnan and Bond girls 
Teri Hatcher (below) and Michelle Yeoh (above 
right). As seen here, Deckers steals the show. 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY BART VAN LEEUWEN 


т | D 


A 2 1 Daphne quit modeling three years ago after eight years in the business. "I'd like to do many 
( 7 new things,” she says. "I've always tried to have as well rounded a life as possible, to make my 

U own rules. Right now I’m most proud of the books and opinion columns I’ve written. With act- 
ing, I'm dependent on screenwriters and directors, but when I write it’s 100 percent creativity.” 


"People who don't know me think my life 
goes smoothly and easily,” Daphne ex- 
ploins. "But it’s not like that at all. Every- 
thing I've ochieved hos come from work 
ing hard, setting goals and taking risks 


“Ordinary nudes cre so common,” Daphne says. That's 


= 2 3 
y why she chase а more visually aggressive pictorial 
wonted powerful pictures with the facus an composition. 


I wanted to show my interpretation of the 007 theme.” 


PLAY БУГУ. 


Dot in һе BANANAS continued from page 110) 


“This is just a preview,” she announces as she hooks 
her thumbs in her panties and peels them off. 


an apparition from one of the maga- 
zines that Бе reads when he visits the 
barbershop. “What do you mean?” 

“I mean money. Lots of it. Enough 
for me to ditch the travel rag and make 
my movie. Enough for you to keep res- 
cuing coral reefs.” 

“Sounds too good to be true. What 
do we have to do for it?” 

“Meph’ll fill you in on the details to- 
morrow night. He wants you to come 
to dinner.” 

“There's been talk about this guy. 
About what he's up to down here." 

"Whatever it is, you can bet it'll Бе 
two steps ahead of everybody else. 
When I left, he was on the telephone 
pitching coral reclamation to the minis- 
ter of marine something-or-other in 
Nassau.” 

“He moves fast, doesn't he?” 

“Like I said, two steps ahead.” 

“You sure there's not some kind of 
catch?” 

Beatrice lifis the towel on Faustman's 
lap with the toe of her sandal, takes a 
peek at his dwindling erection. “The 
catch is that you and I could get to 
spend a lot of time down here in the 
Bahamas.” 

Faustman considers the humdrum of 
his life at the institute, imagines himself 
spending ште in the Bahamas with 
Beatrice and knows how the alchemists 
must have felt when they conjured up 
the elixirs that held the promise of 
transmuting base metal into gold. 

“Think of all the fun we'll have.” 

Faustman thinks of the fun they'll 
have and feels himself stiffening be- 
neath the towel 

“Take my word for it,” Beatrice tells 
him, “you're going to like hanging out 
with me.” 

Faustman watches her kick off her 
high-heeled sandals, pull down her 
slacks and, lifting one foot after the 
other, step out of them. 

"This is just a preview,” she an- 
nounces as she hooks her thumbs in 
the elastic of her panties, peels them off 
her splendid bottom, slides them down 
past her knees and lets them drop 
around her ankles. 

Fausuman leans his head back, drinks 
the rest of his rum as if he were swal- 
lowing a potion. Tossing the panties 
aside with her toe, Beatrice kneels be- 
fore him, reaches under the towel and 
takes him in her hand. Faustman closes 
his eyes, wonders if this can really be 
happening. 


“Movietime,” she murmurs, burrow- 
ing deeper. 
. 


By the time he wakes up the next 
morning, Faustman's passion for ex- 
ploring shallow tidal flats has been re- 
placed by a desire for further pelagic 
adventures with Beatrice, which re- 
sume at once, continue through the af- 
ternoon and reach (for him at least) 
uncharted depths that night, when һе 
goes to Mephisto's house for dinner. 
He arrives at eight, is delivered by 
Sergeant over a driveway lined with 
yellow allamandas and blue Bengal 
trumpets. He raps for entry at an oak- 
en portal flanked by sculpted nymphs 
cavorting amid the flaming vulvae of 
flamingo flowers. The door is opened 
by Mephisto's mannequin-slender 
wife, Margot, who has recently arrived 
from Paris. She is accompanied by Ве- 
atrice, who offers Faustman a cheek to 
kiss. Both women are wearing see- 
through cover-ups, which reveal them 
to be topless. 

“Such a gorgeous night," Beatrice 
says. "We're dining by the pool." 

The Greek, his vast bulk swathed in 
terrycloth, lies on a rattan couch at the 
shallow end. He lifts glistening fingers 
of greeting from a platter piled high 
with grilled shrimp and salsa. His face, 
which manages to be both vulpine and 
androgynous, wears an indolent smile. 
A camcorder is at his side. “Bienvenue à 
notre pécherie," he says, pointing Faust- 
man toward an ice bucket and a bottle 
of champagne. “Beatrice tells us you're 
a scholar and a sportsman.” 

“Un savant sportif," says Margot with 
a knowing smile. 

Faustman pours self a glass of 
Dom Pérignon. “Divine Beatrice,” he 
says, raising his glass. 

“Comme il est galant," Margot mur- 
murs throatily. 

“My wife salutes you for your 
charm,” Mephisto tells him. “And I for 
your efforts to preserve the coral reefs. 
1 understand you're writing a new 
book on the subject. The other one 
came today by International Express. 
Most striking is the image that you pre- 
sent of the reefs as the rain forests of 
the sea.” 

Faustman, who rarely encounters any- 
one familiar with his work, is flattered 
to the point of mumbling a few shy 
words of appreciation and gratitude. 

“But it is we who should thank you!” 


Mephisto says. “We need to know what 
we must do to save the reefs that sur- 
round our beautiful island.” 

This kind of talk is right up Faust- 
man’s alley. “To begin with, you'll have 
to contain the runoff from roadways, 
which clouds the water and interferes 
with the process of photosynthesis. Sec- 
ond, you have to find a way to discour- 
age the local fishermen from using 
Clorox to stun snapper and grouper 
and dislodge crayfish from crevices 
in the coral. And, finally, you'll have 
to find someone to grow clumps of 
healthy coral in tanks and graft them 
onto the dying ree 

“The first problem will be solved 
when I build a proper sewage system 
and treatment plant,” Mephisto re- 
plies. "The second when the fishermen 
on the island are employed by me. And 
the third can best be accomplished by 
someone like you.” 

“Such an undertaking will be com- 
plicated and expensive,” Faustman 
tells him. “Coral specimens from Ha- 
ven Island will have to be uansported 
to the States within 24 hours in sealed 
and insulated tanks in order to main- 
tain the proper temperature. The 
transplants grown from these speci 
mens will have to be brought back in 
the same manner and painstakingly af- 
fixed to rock with underwater epoxy.” 

"You don't say." Mephisto murmurs. 
"Sealed tanks. Quick delivery. Yes, of 
course. The perfect solution." 

“АЙ of which will require the ap- 
proval of both the Bahamian and 
American governments. Most coun- 
tries impose strict controls on the im- 
port and export of live coral because of 
the black market that exists in the U.S. 
and elsewhere for its use in fish ranks." 

“But the authorities of both nations 
will surely allow coral shipments to be 
sent to Professor Faustman of the pres- 
tigious Oceanic Institute.” 

“Provided the proper permissions 
are obtained, there should be no prob- 
lem,” Faustman replies. "We've been 
able to import specimens from the 
Persian Gulf and elsewhere without 
difficulty.” 

“So the project is feasible,” Mephisto 
says as he heaves himself to his feet and 
heads toward a glass-topped wrought- 
iron table. 

Chilled tomato-and-lime soup ac- 
companied by a Chassagne-Montra- 
chet is served by a pair of island women 
wearing white starched dresses. It is 
succeeded by moules and fennel in saf- 
fron cream sauce, followed by roast 
rack of lamb and thyme washed down 
with Saint-Estéphe. The Greek turns 
out to be a pr us eater—a big fork 
in every sense—dissecting his food with 
a self-absorption that precludes table 
talk, sucking each frail bone to the 


$ | 
ААА | 
тру а № wa T: 


d р 
т 


131 


“Charlie, Гт going 10 hit the slopes for a couple of weeks and Lydia 


isn't into snow, so we were wondering if. . . .” 


PLAYBOY 


point of desiccation, stacking a small os- 
suary at the side of his plate. When the 
dishes of the main course have been 
cleared away, Beatrice and Margot plead 
the heat of fullness, slip out of their see- 
throughs, sit bikini-bottom-deep on sub- 
merged steps at the shallow end of the 
pool to cool themselves. Mephisto lum- 
bers back to his rattan couch, falls upon 
it with a heavy sigh, motions Faustman 
to his side. 

“Let us now talk about the terms un- 
der which you will help me turn Haven 
Island into paradise,” he says. 

Faustman sips his Saint-Estephe, 
glances at Beatrice, who is whispering in 
Margot's ear. “That's what they call Hog 
Island now." 

“A vulgar appellation. Here there will 
be no foreign castles or imitation gar- 
dens. No high-rise hotels to spoil the 
magnificent skyline of the palm trees 1 
have planted, no beachfront restaurants 
to block the splendid ocean view. Which 
is why your participation will prove in- 
valuable. You will grow new strains of 
coral to replenish our dying reefs, ad- 
vise us on how to protect the mangrove 
swamps that surround our celebrated 
bonefish flats and act as ombudsman for 
the great gifts God has given us.” 

Faustman looks at Beatrice and Mar- 
got, who are cavorting in the pool, imag- 
ines himself joining in their frolic. He is 
distracted by a faint stirring of doubt 
from deep within. “What about the cor- 
al shipments? Who'll be in charge of 
them?” 

“Who but myself? Together with the 
Bahamian authorities who, as you ha 
pointed out, must give permission f 
the coral to be exported and be satisfied 
that all conforms to regulations.” 

"So they've agreed to go along with 
your plans for Haven Island?” 


“Let's say that I'm not without connec- 
tions in Nassau. In any case, mon cher, 
down here in the Bahamas the govern- 
ment eventually approves of everything. 
Тһе trick 15 to persuade it to do so soon- 
er rather than later. Which is why I re- 
quire someone with your credentials to 
help me launch my project.” 

“Just so long as there's no chance of 
myself or the institute becoming in- 
volved in any impropriety.” 

“Rest easy, my friend. Everything will 
be handled in such a way as to guarantee 
that you and the institute will be seen as 
having no other role than that of helping 
to heal our ailing reefs. Once our joint 
venture gets under way and the island is 
developed, other opportunities will pre- 
sent themselves. Contemplate a future in 
which the world's most advanced coral- 
growing laboratory will be built on the 
site of the old power plant that I'm now 
in the process of acquiring from the gov- 
ernment. Imagine yourself as the direc- 
tor of such a facility. At twice—no, three 
times!—the salary you now command.” 

Faustman drains his glass of wine and 
glances at Beatrice and Margot. They 
are splashing each other with handfuls 
of water. He imagines arrays of tanks 
filled with coral of every conceivable va- 
riety—purple leaf, ivory tree, orange 
tube, cavernous star, fused staghorn, 
fragile saucer, giant brain, grooved fun- 
gus. “It’s tempting,” he tells Mephisto. 

“Yet you hesitate. Do you perhaps re- 
quire additional compensation?” 

“It’s not a question of money.” 

"Of what then?" 
to say. Academic integri- 


ty, perhaps." 

"But I'm not asking you to sell your 
soul! I'm simply asking you to help us re- 
juvenate our reefs. Besides, what good 
vill academic integrity do you when you 


lose your research grants?" 

Faustman notices that Beatrice and 
Margot have shed their bikini bottoms. 
"You have a point,” he admits. 

“Regarde les femmes,” Mephisto whis- 
pers, reaching for the camcorder. "Do 
they fret about temptation?" 

Faustman looks at the two women, 
who are kissing each other, listens to the 
soft whir of the video camera as it lingers 
upon Beatrice's statuesquely gleaming 
breasts, Margot’s erect and dripping 
nipples. “ГИ need time to think about all 
this,” he says. 

“But of course, my friend. Take what- 
ever time you need. Meanwhile, follow 
the camera.” 

Eyes locked, faces close together, Be- 
atrice and Margot continue to embrace, 
until, following Mephisto’s whispered 
stage direction, Beatrice paddles to the 
side of the pool, hangs on to the tiles, 
looks wide-eyed up into the lens of the 
camcorder as Margot comes up behind 
her, begins to caress her with her fingers. 

Eye riveted to the angled viewpiece of 
the machine, Mephisto urges them on in 
an argot that Faustman cannot under- 
stand, Beatrice responds with groans of 
pleasure, Margot with a torrent of words 
in French. 

“My wife insists that a true marine bi- 
ologist would have jumped into the wa- 
ter long ago.” Mephisto says. 

“Tell her it’s not that I'm not tempt- 
ed.” Faustman replies. "It's just that 
ilo 

“Feeling reticent?” 

Faustman takes a deep breath, nods 
his head. 

“Because the woman who incites you 
is my wife?” 

“Perhaps.” 

“Un savant scrupuleux," Mephisto says 
to Margot. “И lui faut plus de temps pour 
réfléchir." 

Margot responds to this by beckoning 
to Faustman with her tongue. 

“What did you tell her?” Faustman 
inquires. 

“1 explained that you need more time 
to think," Mephisto answers. “От have 
you thought enough?" 

By now, Beatrice is responding to Mar- 
got's ministrations with gasps of satis- 
faction, cries of ecstasy, the beginnings of 
orgasmic shudder. Beside himself, Faust- 
man inhales the night air deeply, strips 
off his shirt, pants and underwear. 
“You're sure you don't mind?" 

“But I'm delighted!” Mephisto tells 
him. "And Margot more than I. Can you 
not see that the ardor she provokes іп 
Beatrice is but a mirror of her own?” 

Faustman steps to the edge of the 
pool. “Well, then, since it's all the same 
to you.” 

“C'est tout entendu," Mephisto assures 
him. "But what have you to say to my 
proposal? 

Faustman gazes at the two women who 
await him in a state of estrual frenzy, 


poises himself to make a leap. 

“АП right!" he cries. “ГЇЇ do it!” 

“Alors, dépéches-toi!" Mephisto says, 
training the camcorder on Faustman's 
bare behind. "Don't keep the ladies wait- 
ing any longer. Immerse yourself as if 
you were, how does one say, chez vous!" 


Two weeks later, at Beatrice's sugges- 
tion, she and Faustman are treating 
themselves to a celebration drink in the 
lounge at Nassau International. They're 
on their way to New York, where Faust- 
man can look forward to accepting the 
congratulations of his colleagues at the 
Oceanic Institute for having landed a 
contract that will save the coral laborato- 
ту, and Beatrice to telling her editor in 
chief that she's quitting the travel rag for 
good. Several sealed tanks that they have 
just watched being loaded into the cargo 
hold of the Delta flight to La Guardia 
will be delivered to the institute immedi- 
ately. And if things don’t go as planned? 
Or, more to the point, if the coral should 
be discovered to be sharing space in the 
tanks with something else? Well, it is 
this distressing prospect that suddenly 
perches on the doorstep of Faustman's 
mind when Beatrice, having ordered a 
piña colada, informs him out of the blue 
that she and several of Mephisto's busi- 
ness associates plan to be on hand when 
the tanks arrive. 

“On hand for what?" Faustman asks. 

“Тһе grand opening.” Beatrice raises 
her drink as if to make a toast 

“Do you mean the opening of the 
tanks?” 

“What else?” 

Faustman does not want to believe 
what he believes her to be saying. “Now 
wait a minute,” he tells her. “Wait just a 
minute.” 

“Something wrong?” Beatrice asks, 
studying him over the rim of her glass. 

"Are you suggesting there's something 
in there besides coral and seawater?" 

Beatrice gives a throaty laugh. "Isn't it 
kind of late in the game to be worrying 
about that?” 

“You haven't answered the question.” 

“How should I know whats in the 
tanks? Weren't you on hand while Me- 
phisto's boys were filling them?" 

“Not the whole time," Faustman says, 
ruefully. 

"So maybe you didn't want to know." 

Astonished at the brazen accuracy of 
this assessment, Faustman makes a time 
leap forward to the cargo storage area at 
La Guardia, imagines a German shep- 
herd sniffing at the tanks, straining at its 
leash, whining to alert its master- 

"Give me a word," Beatrice says, con- 
cerned by his pallor, wanting to distract 
him. “Any word.” 

“Dog,” Faustman tells her, absently. 

“Not to worry,” Beatrice says. “Dogs 
can't sniff anything through seawater.” 

“So there is something else in the 


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134 


tanks!” 
wild ey 
open a lid. 
“Get hold of yourself,” Beatrice advis- 
"You've got a case of nerves is all. 
ЕТО to everybody the first time.” 

"What do you mean, the first time?” 
Faustman moans, gaping openmouthed 
at this confirm: n of his worst fear. 

*Meph's going to be shipping you lots 
of coral," Beatrice tells him. 

The realization that the kind of dread- 
ful anxiety he is now experiencing will 
be repeated is enough to render Faust- 
man speechless. 

Beatrice gives him a reassuring smile. 
“Didn't I promise you we'd get to spend 
a lot of time down here in the Bahamas?” 

When Faustman and Beatrice leave 
the lounge and start downstairs to the 
departure area, some tourists just in 
from Boston turn around to look at 
them. Small wonder because at first 
glance they make a striking couple. 
Beatrice, who has once again shoe- 
horned herself into her gold-lame pants, 
descends in that inimitably provocative 
manner of hers—one high-heeled san- 
dal following the other, a hand on her 
escort's shoulder—while a tanned and 
somber-looking Faustman, who carries a 
briefcase in one hand and an aluminum 
fly-rod tube in the other, keeps step with 
the languid rhythm of her sway. On clos- 
er inspection, however, it can be seen 
that Faustman is trembling and perspir- 
ing heavily, and that Beatrice has placed 
her hand on his shoulder not so much to 
steady herself as him. 

As they pass beneath the mural, Faust- 
man looks up at Columbus, remembers. 
the harsh judgment he pronounced ир- 
on him and, realizing that he, too, has 


Faustman exclaims. In his mind's 
he sees a Customs agent pry 


embarked upon a road of no return, 
feels 2 pang of trepidation pass like an 
arrow through his bowels. All at once, һе 
duiches his throat, begins го gasp for air. 
“I don't feel well,” he says. 

“You must pull yourself together,” 
Beatrice tells him. 


“1 don't want to go through with this." 


“Тоо late now," Beatrice says. "Unless 
you're thinking of turning yourself in at 
Customs." 

"My God," Faustman groans, "what 
was I thinking of?” 

Beatrice gives a laugh. “Probably what 
you were going to do to Margot and me 
in the swimming pool.” 

Faustman stares up at Columbus, tries 
to pull himself together. Three hours 
ahead in time, the Customs agent at La 
Guardia has rolled up his sleeves. 

Following his gaze, hoping to lighten 
him up, Beatrice pokes him in the ribs. 
“You and the Great Explorer,” she says 
with a smile. “You've just discovered a 
new world. 

When they get to the Customs counter, 
Faustman allows Beatrice to go first, fol- 
lows once she's been waved on through 
by a middle-aged and uniformed inspec- 
tor whose eyes linger appreciatively up- 
on her backside until Faustman's arrival 
brings him back to business. 

“How long have you been in the Ba- 
hamas, sir?” he asks, glancing at Faust- 
man’s declaration card. 

“Two weeks,” Faustman replies. 

“Down here on business or pleasure?” 

“A little of both.” 

The inspector looks at Faustman, no- 
tices that he’s pale and short of breath. 
“Anything to declare?” 

“Nothing,” Fausunan says, close to 
fainting. 


"If you really loved me, you'd win the lottery.” 


The inspector picks up the aluminum 
tube, unscrews the cap, pulls out the fly 
rod that has remained unlimbered since 
Faustman waded out on the tidal flat the 
day he arrived on Haven Island. “Bone- 
fishing any good?” 

“Fine,” Faustman tells him, trying to 
hold in the panic that projects the word 
a touch too fast. “Just fine.” 

The inspector pushes the fly rod back 
into the tube, screws the cap back on, 
asks Faustman to open up the briefcase 
that contains the annotated manuscript 
of the book he’s been writing. “Feeling 
all right, sir? 

“Fine,” Faustman says again. “Little 
hot is is all.” 
magine what it would be like in here 
without air-conditioning,” the inspector 
says, and waves him on through. 

Faustman closes his briefcase, picks up 
the fly-rod tube and rejoins Beatrice, 
who is waiting for him by some glass 
doors that open into the departure ar- 
ea. She gives him an appraising glance, 
leads him to a molded plastic seat, fetch- 
es him a paper cup with Coke and ice. 
“You look terrible," she says. "Try to 
relax." 

“You knew it all along, didn't you? 
From the very beginning. When you 
said there was someone on the island I 
should meet." 

"Be a good boy," Beatrice tells him, 
“and ГИ take you into the lav when we're 
airborne. Do you the way you like.” 

Faustman looks at her in horror. The 
very idea of having sex with her now is 
enough to start him hyperventilating 
again. In the storage area at La Guardia, 
the Customs agent is reaching into one 
of the tanks. 

“Take it easy,” Beatrice says. “Once 
we're on the plane, I' Ш іуе you some- 
thing to make you Зее 

Faustman closes his eyes, wishes to 
God that the past two weeks were a 
dream, and that when he wakes up he'll 
find himself wading alone on the tidal 
flat like one of those stiff-necked herons. 
Instead, the Customs agent at La Сиа 
dia has pulled out the first of several wa- 
terproof packages. 

“Let's go, Bonefish Jack,” Beatrice 
tells him. "They're calling our seats.” 

In a daze, Faustman follows her 
through the departure gate and out оп- 
to the tarmac where the Delta flight 
awaits them. A suffocating blast of heat 
threatens to deprive him of what little 
breath he has left. The sulfurous stench 
of baking asphalt and aviation fuel fills 
his nostrils, stings his eyes. Stumbling, 
he reaches out to steady himself, feels 
Beatrice take him by the hand. Only it’s 
not her cool fingertips that touch him 
now, but her fingernails. They take hold 
of his flesh like talons, inflict pain that 
impels him to stay upright, prod him in- 
to the searing light of his future. 


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Som cething COO] ota rom page 104) 


J. Edgar Hoover picked on prostitutes and radicals, 


but he knew the value of a good conspiracy theory. 


holding televised hearings on organized 
crime. The spotlight took this unknown 
Tennessean and made him a national 
figure, as it would Richard Nixon two 
years later. 

The box brought sensation and scan- 
dal into the home: Within the space of 
a few years there were probes of vice 
and prostitution, organized crime, comic 
books, pornography, obscenity, the Post 
Office, the State Department, the U.S. 
Army and Congress itself. Athan Theo- 
haris, author of J. Edgar Hoaver, Sex and. 
Crime, describes how America's top cop. 
exploited the new technology. Hoover 
had steadfastly denied the existence of 
organized crime. His reputation was 
built on a few well-publicized shoot-outs 
with Depression Era desperadoes, a kid- 
napping here or there and catching 
spies during the war. He picked on pros- 


titutes and radicals, but he knew the val- 
ue of a good conspiracy theory from his 
crusade against the Red Menace. 
Kefauver paraded crime kingpins 
such as Meyer Lansky and Frank Costel- 
lo before the camera and entertained 
America with tales of the Mafia, codes of 
silence, gunsels and bag ladies. The Ke- 
fauver Committee was more than an em- 
barrassment to Hoover—it was a direct 
threat to his political turf. On the eve of 
the hearings on organized crime the 
FBI, through the Attorney General, was 
still denying the Mob's very existence. 
When McCarthy came to Hoover and 
said he had gotten an enthusiastic re- 
sponse to his speech on subversives in 
the State Department, Hoover saw a way 
to regain the limelight. The new inqui- 
sition—the world of unsubstantiated 
charges and televised confrontation, the 


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low travelers—was custom-made for 
Hoover's favorite form of blackmail. 

“The same month as McCarthy's 
charges,” writes Theoharis, “the head of 
the Washington, D.C. police vice squad 
publicly asserted that at a “quick guess’ 
3500 ‘sex perverts’ were employed in the 
federal bureaucracy, of whom 300 to 400 
were State Department employees. In 
response to this publicity, State Depart- 
ment security officers admitted that the 
department had fired 91 "sex perverts’ 
since the establishment of the Federal 
Employee Loyalty Program.” 

“Communists, deviants—they're one 
and the same,” said one senator, thus 
wedding the Red Scare with homopho- 
bia. Senator Clyde Hoey, described by 
Time magazine as a “frock-coated” North 
Carolinian, had been “quietly looking 
into a sordid matter: the problem of ho- 
mosexuals in the government.” 

Senator Hoey found a record of “sex- 
ual perversion” among workers in 36 
sectors of the government and a host 
more in the armed forces. He targeted 
4954 deviants, most in the military. 
There were 574 suspect civilian govern- 
ment employees—some 143 in the State 
Department—who had quit, were fired 
or were cleared. The Veterans Adminis- 
tration housed 101 perverts, the Atomic 
Energy Commission 8, the ECA 27, the 
Library of Congress and other agencies 
19, the White House none. 

“It follows,” Hoey warned, “that if 
blackmailers can extort money from 
a homosexual under threat of disclo- 
sure, espionage agents can use the same 
type of pressure to extort confidential 
information.” 

J. Edgar Hoover told Congress that 
FBI investigators possessed derogatory 
information on 14,414 federal employ- 
ees and applicants and had identified 
406 “sex deviates in government ser- 
vice.” He asked for and received greater 
appropriations to launch a special Sex 
Deviates program. FBI agents began to 
hang out at leather bars and other gay 
haunts, collecting names. Theoharis 
writes that in 1977, when the FBI re- 
ceived permission to destroy the files in 
the Sex Deviates program, more than 
300,000 pages had been accumulated. 

Each file contained the name of a sus- 
pected pervert, his occupation and the 
charges that had brought him to the at- 
tention of the Deviates division. Theo- 
haris reports that little is known of thc 
use of these cards, but evidence exists 
that Hoover approved letters to those 
outside of government, warning college 
heads and law-enforcement agencies of 
the "security risks" within their own 
organizations. 

Homosexuality, wrote Ralph Major in 
the September 1950 issue of Coronet 
magazine, was the "New Moral Menace 
to Our Youth." 

This panic may be traced to the Kinsey 


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Report on American males that had ap- 
peared in 1948. Kinsey had report- 
ed that “37 percent of the total male 
population has had at least some overt 
homosexual experience between adoles- 
cence and old age.” If our men weren't 
growing up to be men, there was some- 
thing hideously wrong with America 

Science was опе source of the panic, 
literature another. James Jones’ novel 
From Here to Eternity hinted at a hidden 
homosexual network within the Army. 
Тһе story begins when а gay officer in 
the Bugle Corps promotes one of his 
“angels” over the more deserving Prew- 
itt. Most Americans remember the 
movie version with Burt Lancaster and 
Deborah Kerr rolling about in the surf 
as a hymn to heterosexual passion and 
the danger of getting sand in the wrong 
places. The novel discussed queer bait- 
ing and FBI fairy hunts. 

Ironically, the same panic that Mc- 
Carthy unleashed came back to topple 
him. The Army-McCarthy hearings in 
1954 came about because of charges that 
McCarthy had pulled strings to try to get 
the Army to promote David Schine—a 
protégé of McCarthy staffer Roy Cohn. 
e three, devoted to driving out th 
ender lads" and “cookie pushe! 
from the State Department, were widely 
rumorcd to bc gay and using favoritism 
to advance their own angels. Roy Cohn 
died of AIDS in 1986, still an outspoken 
gay basher. 

The Brick Foxhole, a novel by future film 
director Richard Brooks, concerned a 
gay murder in the military in wartime 
Washington. In the movie version, called 
Crossfire, the bigotry became anti-Semi- 
tism. In postwar America, some preju- 
dice was more acceptable than others. 
We were prepared to question intoler- 
ance related to race and religion, but not 
sex. The film was a hit for RKO, but both 
the director and the producer of the film 
were called to testify about their leftist 
leanings by HUAC. 

During the war, the Pentagon tried to 
weed out gays—using profiles based on 
Stanford psychologist Lewis Terman's 
Male-Female Quotient to identify and 
turn away those of questionable sexual 
orientation. There are some who argue 
that the screening process actually alert- 
ed homosexuals to the presence of oth- 
ers of similar persuasion 

In 1951 Henry Hays founded the Mat- 
tachine Society, devoted to "the protec- 
tion and improvement of Society's An- 
drogynous Minority." (Lesbians, in 
1955, would organize the Daughters of 
Bilitis.) Of course, Hays was forced to 
testify before the House Un-American 
Activities Committee. 

Confidential warned America that the 
Mattachine Society had a war chest 
of $600,000. The idea of secret cells of 
perverts fascinated America, That so 
many were willing to believe that sexual 


preference could be betrayed or subvert- 
ed by homosexuals indicates the state of 
innocence (or ignorance) of the country 
on the subject of sex at the time. Did we 
believe that our own sexual identity was 
in danger? It appeared that the Ameri- 
can male was not even loyal to his own 
gender. In 1952 ex-GI George Jor- 
gensen underwent the first public sex- 
change operation, going to Denmark а 
man and returning as Christine Jor- 
gensen, a woman. 

"The sexual undercurrent in national 
politics surfaced in the 1956 presiden- 
tial election when Hoover crony Walter 
Winchell would declare that *a vote for 
Adlai Stevenson is a vote for Christine 
Jorgensen.” 

The homosexual panic was fucled by 
the press of the day. We had no clear pic- 
ture of this sexual minority, and the un- 
informed mind created monsters. 

“all too often,” warned Eugene Wil- 
liams, a Special Assistant Attorney Gen- 
eral for the State of California, “we lose 
sight of the fact that the homoscxual is 
an inveterate seducer of the young of 
both sexes and that he presents a social 
problem because he is not content with 
being degenerate himself: He must have 
degenerate companions and is ever 
seeking younger victims." 

In 1949 the nation had been stunned 
by brutal sex crimes on the West Coast 
and in Idaho. The local incidents had 
turned into a national obsession. News- 
week тап an article on "Queer People,” 
Time on “The Abnormal." Colliers ran a 
13-part series оп “Terror in Our Cities.” 

J. Edgar Hooyer wrote a widely re- 
printed article asking “How Safe Is Your 
Daughter?” and distributed coloring 
books that taught children to distrust 
strangers. The government produced 
statistics that claimed sex crimes oth- 
er than prostitution were escalating— 
from 46 per 100,000 in 1953 to 51 per 
100,000 in 1954, and 54 per 100,000 
in 1955. 

Historian George Chauncey, author of 
The Postwar Sex Crime Panic, shows how 
expansive the propaganda campaign be- 
came: “The press reports that shaped 
public perceptions of the problem usual- 
ly blurred the lines between different 
forms of sexual nonconformity. They did 
this in part simply by using a single term 
(sex deviate) to refer to anyone whose 
sexual behavior was different from the 
norm. Like the term abnormal, the term 
deviate made any variation from the 
supposed norm sound ominous and 
threatening, and it served to conflate the 
most benign and the most dangerous 
forms of sexual nonconformity. People 
who had sex outside of marriage, mur- 
dered little boys and girls, had sex with 
persons of the same sex, raped women, 
looked in other people's windows, mas- 
turbated in public or cast ‘lewd 
glances’ were all called sex deviates by 
the press.” 


Once you strayed from the norm, you 
were a monster. 


SEDUCTION OF THE INNOCENT 


Once again, America began to fear for 
its children. And there arose new cru- 
saders with new concerns. Anthony 
Comstock, the prototype for all Puritan 
champions, once railed against “traps 
for the young,” warning about the dan- 
gers of penny dreadfuls, dime novels 
and police gazettes. In the late Forties 
а new and most unlikely menace ар- 
peared—comic books. 

With Hollywood chafing under a Pro- 
duction Code that sanitized all forms of 
sin, comic books filled a growing ap- 
petite for more-lurid fare. The old stan- 
dards—Superman, Batman, Wonder Wom- 
an and Sheena—still entertained devoted 
fans, but they were joined by Gang- 
busters, True Crime Comics and Crime Does 
Not Pay, Americans may have left the 
city for the suburbs, but crime had fol- 
lowed—at least as far as the local news- 
stand. And a wave of more-frightening 
titles appeared, including Crypt of Terror, 
The Vault of Horror and The Haunt of Fear. 
Critics claimed that comic books were 
“sex horror serials” and “pulp paper 
nightmares” that created “ethical con- 
fusion” and moral decline. Е.С. Com- 
ics even gave its most subversive title 
the warning label Tales calculated to drive 
you Mad. 

Fearing that a diet of pulp would lead 
to juvenile delinquency, city tathers 
across the country cracked down. In 
1947 the Indianapolis police depart- 
ment labeled comic books “vicious, sala- 
cious, immoral and detrimental to the 
youth of the nation.” 

In Rumson, New Jersey; Cape Gi- 
rardeau, Missouri; Binghamton, New 
York and Chicago, Cub Scouts and other 
schoolchildren collected comic books 
and tossed them on bonfires. Boston and 
Cincinnati appointed special comic book 
censors. The National Office for Decent 
Literature, long the watchdog of mag- 
azines and books, took to rating pulp 
panels. 

Into this maelstrom walked Fredric 
Wertham, a psychiatrist who had worked 
with troubled youths in New York City. 
He began crusading against the comics 
in 1948, 

According to Wertham, 90 percent of 
the nation's children read an average of 
18 comic books a week. The average 16- 
year-old reader had “absorbed a mini- 
mum of 18,000 pictorial beatings, shoot- 
ings, stranglings, blood puddles and 
torturings to death from comic books 
alone.” 

He would recount horror stories of in- 
nocent children led astray. Kids in the 
Fifties threw rocks at trains and automo- 
biles, beat candy store owners with ham- 
mers, trampled siblings to death, poured 
kerosene over classmates and set them 
afire, led safecracking expeditions and 


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committed "lust murders." 

“There is nothing in these juvenile 
delinquencies," Wertham would write, 
"that is not described or told about 
in comic books. These are comic book 
plots." 

Some of his stories reveal parental 
overreaction. Telling about a group of 
kids who, acting out things they read in 
comic books, tormented one girl, he not- 
ed: "They handcuffed her with hand- 
cuffs bought with coupons from com- 
ic books. Once. surrounding her, they 
pulled off her panties. .. . Now her 
mother has fastened the child's panties 
with a string around her neck, so the 
boys can't pull them down." 

Wertham's crusade was a failure at 
first. When the New York Legislature 
passed an anticomics bill in 1952, Gover- 
nor Tom Dewey vetoed it. Kefauver's 
Senate Committee investigation initially 
scoffed at the role of comics in creating 
juvenile delinquents. In 1950 the head- 
lines announced its conclusion: comics 
DON'T FOSTER CRIME. 

Wertham continued his crusade in one 
magazine article after another. Comic 
books were "pollution," the source of 
"unhealthy sexual attitudes." Wertham 
warned that children copied crimes 
from crime comics, and that they devel- 
oped a taste for rape, torture, mutila- 
tion, cannibalism and worse. Plus, the 
comics would create a nation of breast 
fetishists, he said. 

“Comic books ulate children sex- 
ually,” he warned. “Attention is drawn 
то sexual characteristics and to sexual 
actions." 

He warned about headlight (a slang 
term for breast) books. "One of thestock 
mental aphrodisiacs in comic books is 


to draw girls' breasts in such a way that 
they are sexually exciting. Wherever 
possible, they protrude and obtrude. Or 
girls are shown in slacks or negligees 
with their pubic regions indicated with 
special care and suggestiveness. Many 
children miss that, but very many do 
not." 

Some books emphasized girls’ but- 
tocks. “Such preoccupations, as we know 
from psychoanalytic and Rorschach 
studies, may have a relationship to early 
homosexual attitudes." Wertham's grasp 
of the psychodynamics of homosexuality 
left a little to be desired. 

Wertham held the nation's attention 
because he drew a target around inno- 
cent youth. "The difierence between the 
surreptitious pornographic literature 
for adults and children's comic books is 
this: In one it is a question of attracting 
perverts, in the other of making them.” 

In his Book-of-the-Month-Club selec- 
tion Seduction of the Innocent he pinpoint- 
ed the villains. To the well-trained eye 
the supermasculine heroes Batman and 
Robin were gay. "They live in sumptu- 
ous quarters, with beautiful flowers in 
large vases, and have a butler, Alfred. 
Batman is sometimes shown in a dress- 
ing gown. It is like a wish dream of two 
homosexuals living together." 

Listen to his description of Robin, as a 
“handsome ephebic boy, usually shown 
in his uniform with bare legs. He is 
buoyant with energy and devoted to 
nothing on earth or in interplanetary 
space as much as to Bruce Wayne. He of- 
ten stands with his legs spread, the geni- 
tal region discreetly evident.” 

‘The stories were devoid of “decent, 
attractive, successful women.” Instead, 
there was Catwoman, “who is vicious 


“What kind of guy has instructions tattooed on his chest?” 


and uses a whip.” 

Lesbians were the by-products of 
Wonder Woman, Wertham said. “For boys, 
Wonder Woman is a frightening image. 
For girls, she is a morbid ideal. Her fol- 
lowers are the gay girls.” 

Comic books glorified “assertiveness, 
defiance, hostility, desire to destroy or 
hurt, search for risk and excitement, 
aggressiveness, destructiveness, sadism, 
suspiciousness, adventurousness, non- 
submission to authority"—the very qual- 
ities that research had shown were the 
building blocks of juvenile delinquency. 

Some 90 million comic books were 
consumed each month by American 
innocents. 

Wertham's book caused a sensation. In 
1954 Senator Kefauver—who had taken 
to wearing a Davy Crockett coonskin cap 
during political campaigns—reopened 
the comic book question. Not surprising- 
ly, he discovered a plot against America: 
“Almost without exception the comic 
books were displayed indiscriminately in 
the midst of magazines notorious for 
their emphasis on sex, nude torsos and 
exaggerated accentuation of some phys- 
ical characteristics of male and female 
alike. We have a strong feeling that this 
step-by-step development of adolescent 
curiosity is more design than coinci- 
dence." 

The comic industry responded, not 
with laughter, but by creating the Code 
of the Comics Magazine Association of 
America. Modeled on the Hollywood 
Production Code and prepared with the 
spiritual guidance of Roman Catholic, 
Protestant and Jewish leaders, the comic 
book guidelines prohibited nudity, pro- 
fanity, obscenity, smut and vulgarity, as 
well as any salacious illustration or sug- 
gestive posture. "Females shall be drawn 
realistically,” wrote the censors, "without 
exaggeration of any physical qualities." 

So much for the headlights. "Respect 
for parents, the moral code and for hon- 
orable behavior shall be fostered,” noted 
the code. “The treatment of love-ro- 
mance stories shall emphasize the value 
of the home and the sanctity of mar- 
riage. Passion or romantic interest shall 
never be treated in such a way as to stim- 
ulate the lower and baser emotions.” 

Hell, you might as well watch TV. 

The code was created by the industry 
in order to survive, for without the gov- 
ernment's seal of approval titles were es- 
sentially banished from newsstands. 
Companies went out of business and 
artists were driven underground. Wil- 
liam Gaines, publisher of such Е.С. 
Comics classics as Tales From the Crypt, was 
particularly hard hit. He had tried to de- 
fend one cover—a severed head drip- 
ping blood—as tasteful. He discontinued 
most of his titles and focused on an up- 
start magazine created by Harvey Kurtz- 
man called Mad. 

“It was as if comic books were castrat- 
ed,” said John Tebbel in an article on the 


code. "People couldn't keep their chil- 
dren from growing up, but they could 
keep the comic books from growing up.” 


PAPERBACK БЕК 


Adults had their own source of sex 
and violence. Since the mid-Forties, the 
paperback rack at the corner store had 
become a fixture. It was one of the great 
things to come out of the war, when ser- 
vicemen relied on pocket-size books for 
entertainment overseas. 

The paperbacks played with provoca- 
tive covers—one showing The Private Life 
of Helen of Troy was known to an entire 
generation as simply “the nipple cover." 
А painter grappled with models on a 
book titled Ам Colony. The covers of 
Mickey Spillane novels showed women 
in tight dresses clutching handguns, not 
handbags. A rash of novels exploited the 
juvenile-delinquent motif—from The 
Amboy Dukes and Jailbait to The Blackboard 
Jungle. 

Of course, Congress could not miss 
the opportunity for a another full-scale 
investigation, creating a Select Commit- 
tee on Current Pornographic Materials 
(not to be confused with older porno- 
graphic materials). 

Chaired by Е.С. Gathings (D-Kans.), 
the investigation would go after “the 
kind of filthy sex books sold at the cor- 
ner store which are affecting the youth 
of our country.” The publishers of pa- 
perbacks were spreading “artful appeals 
to sensuality, immorality, filth, perver- 
sion and degeneracy. The exaltation of 
passion above principle and the identifi- 
cation of lust with love are so prevalent 
that the casual reader of such literature 
might casily conclude that all married 
persons are adulterous and all teenagers 
are completely devoid of any sex inhibi- 
tions." The committee members were 
particularly upset by “lurid and daring 
illustrations of voluptuous young wom- 
en on the covers of the books” and by 
books that extolled “homosexuality, les- 
bianism and other sexual aberrations.” 

The Reverend Thomas Fitzgerald, a 
director of the National Organization for 
Decent Literature, presented a list of 
274 objectionable books, but Gathings 
had his own list. Women’s Barracks, a sexy 
story of French army women, drew par- 
ticular heat. 

The hearings did not result in new 
laws, but they ignited a series of vigi- 
lante-style crusades. Church groups and 
local police chiefs intimidated store own- 
ers who stocked books considered objec- 
tionable. In Two Bit Culture, a history of 
the paperback phenomenon, Kenneth 
Davis notes, “There were police actions 
in Detroit and vigilante-type actions in 
Minneapolis; Augusta, Maine; Chat- 
tanooga; Scranton; Akron; and Man- 
chester, New Hampshire.” Youngstown 
Police Chief Edward Allen personally 
banned more than 400 paperback books 
on the logic that “all such books are 


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obscene.” In August 1953 a Federal 
judge reminded Chief Allen that "free- 
dom of the press is not limited to free- 
dom to publish, but includes the liberty 
to circulate publications." 

The paperback of J.D. Salinger's con- 
temporary classic The Catcher in the Rye 
appeared in 1951. It would, notes Davis, 
become "number one on the hit list." 
Not a day passes, or so it seems, without 
some parents, somewhere, believing that 
Holden Caulfield's musings on alien- 
ation and sex vill be the ruin of their 
own children. 

Government already controlled radio 
and television, and had previously put 
the fear of censorship into Hollywood. 
The point was clear: If kids didn't read 
about it, and if parents didn't read about 
it, the world would be safe from sex. 


"THE SECOND KINSEY REPORT 


August 20, 1953 would be known as 
K-day, the moment that sex became 
front-page news in almost every newspa- 
per in the country. The long-awaited 
second volume ofthe Kinsey Report— 
this one on sexual behavior in the hu- 
man female—was the most important 
story of the year. It distracted us from 
the Cold War, at the same time that the 
existence of a Russian H-bomb was con- 
firmed. The stolid, red-bound book, al- 
most the twin of the male report, sold 
nearly 200,000 copies within a matter of 
weeks. A paperback special explainin, 
the а pu top the charts in In 1954 

In the volume on males, Alfred Kinsey 
and his associates at Indiana University 
set out то describe sex not as it should be 
but as it was. The reaction had been swift 
and mostly negative. Everyone from col- 
lege presidents to J. Edgar Hoover had 
condemned the depiction of American 
morality. 

Kinsey noted that one woman wrote to 
say she could not fathom the controver- 
sy over the first book. The report had 
shown only that “the male population is 
a herd of prancing, leering goats.” 

Women had known that forever and, 
indeed, the whole of Puritan morality 
was predicated on constraining the goat. 
But what of women? 

Americans were not so tolerant of the 
truth about women. Without bothering 
to read the study, Congressman Louis 
Heller from Brooklyn demanded that 
the Post Office block all shipments. Hel- 
ler condemned Kinscy for “hurling the 
insult of the century against our moth- 
ers, wives, daughters and sisters.” He 
threatened an investigation of the Insti- 
tute for Sex Research, saying Kinsey was 
“contributing to the depravity of a whole 
generation, to the loss of faith in human 
dignity and human decency, to the 
spread of juvenile delinquency and to 
the misunderstanding and the confusion 
about sex.” 

Hoover opened a file on Kinsey, but 


142 nothing came of it. 


Ernest Havemann, a prominent jour- 
nalist asked to interpret the study for 
Life, warned that the interviews of 5940 
women “constitute a sort of mass confes- 
sion that American women have not 
been behaving at all in the manner in 
which their parents, husbands and pas- 
tors would like to think, and doubtless a 
great many people will even be loath to 
believe that Dr. Kinsey has got his facts 
straight.” 

In a world swirling with rumor, scan- 
dal and gossip about sex, Kinsey offered 
facts. He had talked to women ofall ages 
and had discovered that your date of 
birth was the single most important indi- 
cator of sexual behavior. Women born 
before 1900 were morally circumspect; 
those born after—who came of age in 
the Roaring Twenties—were a different 
breed. The flaming youth of the Jazz 
Age had set sex айге. The petting parties 
described by F. Scott Fitzgerald had be- 
come a rite of passage: Nearly 99 out of 
100 women born between 1910 and 
1929 had petted by the age of 35. 

We tended to think of Victorian wom- 
en as corseted, or dressed neck to ankles, 
too ashamed to make love with the lights 
on. And Kinsey did find that a full third 
of the women born before 1900 made 
love with their clothes on, but only 8 per- 
cent of the younger women he studied 
kept their nightgowns on during sex. 
Women born in this century were riding 
a wave of experimentation that would 
have shocked their elders. They were 
doing more of everything—from petting 
to French kissing to oral sex. 

While women born before the turn of 
the century had held on to their virginity 
(86 percent of unmarried women were 
still virgins at the age of 25), the modern 
woman was more inclined to go all the 
way—a third of unmarried women were 
no longer virgins by the age of 25. 

Kinsey discovered a great continent of 
premarital sex: Of the women who were 
married, half had lost their virginity be- 
fore the wedding bells rang. Almost half 
of those had limited their lovemaking to 
their fiancés—making the sex truly pre- 
marital. But some had not: A third had 
had coitus with two to five partners, and 
13 percent had had coitus with six or 
more. (In contrast, some 85 percent of 
married men, those leering, prancing 
goats, had had premarital sex—about a 
third with two to five partners, almost 
half with more than six.) 

The Kinscy Report reflected the guilt- 
free attitude of the modern girl: Almost 
69 percent of the unmarried women 
who had had premarital sex expressed 
no regret. Of those married women who 
had been sexually active before their 
wedding night, more than 77 percent 
saw no reason to regret their earlier sex- 
ual experiences. The more partners they 
had had, the less likely they were to feel 
regret. Initial regrets disappeared with 
experience. 


Kinsey listed 20 classic arguments 
against premarital sex, then demolished 
them with 12 modern arguments in fa- 
vor of fooling around. Fear of reputa- 
tion? Fear of disease? Fear of pregnancy? 
Forget the sex panic of the past. Kin- 
sey had numbers, the force of empirical 
science. In a sample of 2094 single 
white females, who among them had 
had coitus approximately 460,000 times, 
there were only 476 pregnancies (one 
pregnancy for each 1000 acts of copula- 
tion). Only 29 women out of 2020 had 
been caught in the act. In a sample of 
1753 women who had had premarital in- 
tercourse, only 44 had ever had a vene- 
real infection. Science put fear into per- 
spective, into odds you could live with. 

Even more startling than the figures 
оп premarital sex were those for adul- 
tery. One out of five married women had 
been unfaithful by the time they were 
35. Among younger married women 
the figure was two out of five. Again, the 
figure for men was approximately 50 
percent. 

Ernest Havemann, writing for Life, 
tried to emphasize the differences Бе- 
tween men and women: “Nearly half the 
unfaithful wives (41 percent) had only 
опе partner. For nearly a third the act of 
unfaithfulness had occurred only a few 
times, often just once. The whole pattern 
of infidelity, except in rare cases, was un- 
premeditated and often accidental. The 
husband went out of town on a business 
trip, а friend happened to drop over to 
return his golf clubs, wife and friend had 
а few drinks, and Kinsey's adding ma- 
chine rang again.” 

Can you believe it? In the Fifties guys 
loaned one another their golf clubs. Kin- 
sey explained that sometimes infidelity 
was “accepted as an accommodation to a 
respected friend, even though the fe- 
male herself was not particularly inter- 
ested in the relationship." Havemann 
was not buying this. All in all, he wrote, 
“It appears the figures on woman's рго- 
miscuity are mostly a reflection of the 
баса that the male wolfis always with us, 
providing as much temptation as he can 
to as many women as һе can.” 

But Kinsey demolished the stereotype 
of the frigid woman. In the first year 
of marriage, one wife out of four could 
not reach orgasm during sex, but by 
the tenth year of marriage that figure 
was only one in seven. About half the 
wives reached climax every time they 
made love. 

One statistic jumped from the page: 
Women who had had premarital sex 
were more responsive in marriage and 
were more likely to be among the earliest 
orgasmic wives. Kinsey wrote that there 
was a marked positive correlation be- 
tween experience in orgasm obtained 
from premarital coitus and the capacity 
to reach orgasm after marriage. And 
with subtle wit he destroyed another 
stereotype. А nymphomaniac, he said, 15 


simply a woman “who has more sex than 
you do." 

Dr. lago Galdston, a New York public 
health official, found the study corrupt: 
“What magic is there in premarital coi- 
tus that is missing in the legitimized act? 
Why can't the female learn as well by one 
as the other?" 

Kinsey's answer: “The girl who has 
spent her premarital years withdrawing 
from physical contacts has acquired a set 
of nervous and muscular coordinations 
that she does not unlearn easily after 
marriage.” 

At the core of the second report is a 
comparison between male and female 
sexual sensitivity. 

Kinsey put the sexes side by side: Ina 
comparison of 33 psychological factors 
related to sex, he found that men scored 
higher on all but three. Women, it 
seemed, were more excited by reading 
romantic literature, by love scenes in 
movies and by being bitten during sex. 
Go figure. 

On the other hand, men were more 
likely to have an erotic response to ob- 
serving the opposite sex; looking at 
photographs, drawings or paintings of 
nudes; observing their own genitals or 
those of the opposite sex; watching bur- 
lesque; watching other people having 
sex; watching films of other people hav- 
ing sex; watching animals mate or turn- 
ing оп а light to watch themselves having 
sex. Men fantasized about the opposite 
sex during masturbation, during noctur- 
nal dreams, while reading pornography, 
while writing pornography. Men were 
less likely to be distracted during ицег- 
course, and were more likely to be 
turned on by erotic material, stories, 
writing and drawing. Men were more 
likely to talk about sex—as revealed by 
the odd statistic that most women 
learned about masturbation by “self- 
discovery,” men from printed or verbal 
sources. Men were more likely to be 
aroused by sadomasochistic stories 
(which probably explained the success of 
Mickey Spillane). And sure, we wanted a 
home and family, but if marriage meant 
no sex, forget it. 

This, in itself, was not news. For cen- 
turies observant guys had noticed a dif- 
ference between the way men and wom- 
en approached sex. The Victorian 
double standard was based on the per- 
ception that men were predatory ani- 
mals and women were merely the objects 
of men’s beastly desires. For the first 
half of the century, Puritans and reform- 
ers had argued that a female standard 
should apply to all of society. Men 
should dance to a woman's tune. Kinsey, 
though, said there was no physiological 
reason for the gap between the sexes. 
Women were not sexless; their natural 
responses had simply been repressed. 

In a best-selling book, Ashley Mon- 
tagu argued that such differences 
amounted to proof that women were 


HOW 


Below is a list of retailers and 
manufacturers you can con- 
tact for information on where 
to find this month's merchan- 
dise. To buy the apparel and 
equipment shown on pages 22, 
24, 28, 33-34, 36, 82-83, 
114-117 and 167, check the 
listings below to find the stores 
nearest you. 


WIRED 

Page 22: “Wild Things”: 
Electronic organizer by Franklin Electron- 
ic Publishers, 888-739-6400, www.frank 
lin.com/rex. Mousepads, fonts, sta- 
tionery and envelopes by Manticore Prod- 
ucts, 800-782-9645, www.manticore.com. 


TRAVEL 
Page 24: "Road Stuff”: Portable office by 
Neutral Posture Ergonomics, Inc., 409-778- 
0502, www.neutralposture.com. Re- 
port by Travel Companion Exchange, B00- 
392-1256. 


HEALTH & FITNESS 

Page 28: “Tread on Me": Widestride 
Duo 48 by Image, from Icon Health & Fit 
ness, 800-999-3746, www.iconfitness.com. 


MANTRACK 

Page 33: “Hayman Island Getaway”: 
Hayman, for information and reserva- 
tions call Melbourne, Australia, (61-3) 
9623 2323 or 800-366-1300, www.hay 
manisland.com.au. Page 34: “Crank 
Case”: Radio by Bay Gen, 800-597-0000, 
freeplay@pair.com. Page 36: “Blade 
Runners”: The Art of Shaving’s Gentlemen 
Barber Spa, 212-986-2905. The Art of Shav- 
ing Shop, 212-317-8436. 


GIFTS FOR AN ANGEL 

Pages 82-83: Chicago Bulls basketball 
tickets from United Center, 1800 W. Wash- 
ington, Chicago, 11. 60612, 312-455- 
4500, www.bulls.com. Airplane ticket 
from Air France. 800-237-2747. Necklace 


то 


BUY 


from Sidney Garber Jewelers, 
118 Е. Delaware РІ.. Chica- 
go, IL 60611, 312-944- 
5225. Wristwatch by TAG 
Heuer, from Lester Lam- 
pert, 57 Е. Oak St., Chica- 
go, IL 60611, 312-944- 
6888. Jaguar convertible 
from Howard Orloff Jaguar, 
1924 N. Paulina St., Chica- 
go, IL 60622, 773-227- 
3200, wwworlofl.com. 


OUT OF BONDAGE 

Page 114: Tuxedo, shirt, bow tie and 
cummerbund set by Ermenegildo Zegna, 
888-880-3462, www.zegnaermenegildo. 
com. Page 115: Sweater by CK Calvin 
Klein, at Macy's and Bloomingdale's 
stores. Jeans by CK Calvin Klein, at se- 
lect Macy's, Bloomingdale's and Lord & 
"Taylor stores. Sunglasses by Porsche, at 
Porsche Design stores, Beverly Hills, 
310-205-0095 and Las Vegas, 702-369- 
0410, www.porsche-design.com. Page 
116: Suit by Ozwald Boateng, at Saks Fifth 
Avenue, NYC, 212-753-4000, Barncys 
New York, NYC, 212-826-8900 and 
Варна, NYC, 212-095-5216. T-shirt by 
the Gap, at Gap stores, www.gap.com. 
Page 117: Suit, shirt and tie by Boss Hugo 
Boss, at Boss Hugo Boss, King of Prussia, 
PA, 610-992-1400, Beverly Hills, 310- 
859-2888 and Dallas, 972-503-4846. 
Sunglasses by Persol, call 888-589-6884 
for store locations. 


ON THE SCENE 

Page 167: “Passport to Fun”: Foreign de- 
livery programs: By Saab Cars USA, Inc., 
800-955-9007, www.saabusa.com. By 
Porsche Cars North America, Inc., at your 
local Porsche dealers, www.porsche.com. 
By BMW of North America, Inc., 800- 
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Benz of North America, Inc., 800-367- 
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superior. He regarded a lack of respon- 
siveness as a virtue. After all, the devil 
was in the flesh. But Kinsey concluded 
that women had been crippled by cul- 
ture, by religion and by silence. Repres- 
sion turned most people into "conform- 
ing machines." 

"The antisexual prejudice of our essen- 
tially Puritan society demanded confor- 
mity. Benjamin Gruenberg, a biology 
teacher and sex educator called on to 
critique Kinsey, defended repression. 

“Conformity in sex behavior,” he 
wrote, “is as necessary for the stability of 
any society as conformity in relation to 
property or in the daily intercourse of 
individuals or groups. In any given soci- 
ety there is rarely any doubt as to what is 
considered right and what is considered 
wrong. And for all practical purposes, 
the ‘right’ is absolute, as it has been in 
our traditions.” 

And inan oddly prescient moment, he 
warned against the possible rebellion 
against such unthinking conformity: 
“The polarity of good and evil, when 
both are absolutes, will make the individ- 
ual who rejects the code, or its sanctions, 
seek good at the opposite pole. Sex be- 
comes a major good for its own sake, so 
that, for example, the typical playboy 
will make his chief game a career of sex.” 

Anthropologist Margaret Mead also 
saw the Kinsey Report as an unfortu- 
nate, ill-timed attack on conformity. 
Young people, she said, had a need to 
conform. It was their only defense. To 
confront sexual diversity—the idea that 
humans could be sexual creatures— 
would be a major threat to the "previ- 
ously guaranteed reticence” of young 
people. 

The Reverend Billy Graham read the 
news of the report and concluded, “It is 
impossible to estimate the damage this 
book will do to the already deteriorating 
morals of America.” Another religious 
leader called the report “statistical filth.” 

According to Henry Pitney Van Du- 
sen, head of the Union Theological Sem- 
inary and one of Kinsey's most relentless 
critics, the studies depicted “a prevai 
ing degradation in American morality 
approximating the worst decadence of 
the Roman Empire.” Kinsey, said Van 
Dusen, viewed sex as being “strictly 
animalistic.” 

Not unexpectedly, Congress convened 
a special committee to investigate the 
funders of the Kinsey Institute. Was the 
entomologist from Indiana part of а 
Communist plot? Not likely. A fruit of 
capitalism, the Rockefeller Foundation, 
had underwritten Kinsey's research 
for years. Under pressure (and a new 
leader, Dean Rusk) the Foundation ter- 
minated Kinsey's funding. opting in- 
stead to give more than half a million 
dollars to Van Dusen's Union Theologi- 
cal Seminary. 

The local U.S. Customs agent at Indi- 
anapolis took to opening packages ad- 


dressed to the Institute and decided that 
the erotica being collected from around 
the world was "damned dirty stuff.” 
Washington, D.C. Customs officials 
agreed; in their opinion, Kinsey's status 
asa scientist did not redeem the materi- 
al. At issue was not just sexual freedom, 
but scientific freedom as well. Eventually 
judge Edmund Palmieri would rule that 
Customs officials did not have the right. 
to dictate to scientists what they should 
or should not study. 

It was too late. Kinsey died an ex- 
hausted and broken man on August 25, 
1956. His dream of a sexual revolution 
remained unfulfilled. That task would 
fall to someone else. 


"THE MALE REBELLION 


In 1953 a young Hugh Hefner sat at 
the Kitchen table of his Chicago apart- 
ment making plans for the launch of a 
new magazine for the indoor male. 

“We like our apartment,” he wrote. 
"We enjoy mixing up cocktails and an 
hors d'ocuvre or two, putting a little 
mood music on the phonograph and 
inviting in а female for a quiet discussion 
on Picasso, Nietzsche, jazz, sex." 

He would create a romantic men's mag- 
azine, the first of its kind. One had only 
to look at what passed for men's maga- 
zines in 1950 to realize the boldness of 
the idea. 

Macho men's magazines such as True, 
Argosy and Stag dominated the market 
after the war. They reflected the male ca- 
maraderie and bonding of the war years, 
with an emphasis on outdoor adventure 
and derring-do. A whole generation of 
men had returned from the war restless 
and discontent. These magazines per- 
petuated the segregation of the sexes—a 
woman's place was in the home; a man's 
place was at the poker table, in the bar- 
room or camping in the wilderness with 
the guys. Hefner wanted something 
more sophisticated. “I wanted a roman- 
tic men’s magazine,” he would write, 
“one based on a real appreciation of the 
opposite sex. It would act as a handbook 
for the young urban male.” 

Esquire had suffered a lengthy battle 
with the Post Office over second-class 
mailing privileges. Chastened by the 
skirmish, the postwar Esky had lost its 
way. Gone were the sexy cartoons and 
pin-up pictures by Petty and Vargas. By 
the end of the decade the editor of Es- 
quire would actually be calling for a New 
Puritanism. 

Esquire may have been afraid of the 
Post Office, but Hefner wasn't. “I had 
less to lose,” he said, “but I was also con- 
vinced that sex and nudity were not ob- 
scene per se. The Post Office was acting 
as if it had won the Esquire case back in 
1945—but I knew better. 

“I planned on publishing а sophisti- 
cated men's magazine and I didn't think 
the Post Office had the right to stop me. 
This was the revolutionary thought on 


which РГАҮВОҮ was based, because no 
other magazine containing nudity was 
being sent through the mail at the time. 

“I didn't have any money, but I had 
taken a loan on my apartment furniture, 
and a printer had promised me credit." 
And Hefner had something special for 
that first issue—a full-color nude of Mar- 
ilyn Monroe. She was the most promis- 
ing star on the horizon. She had posed 
for photographer Tom Kelley with 
“nothing on but the radio" when she was 
still a starlet. The calendar picture had 
caused some controversy, but few had 
seen it—the calendar company was 
afraid to send it through the mail. Like 
everyone else, it was afraid of the Post 
Office. 

Hefner wrote a letter touting the new 
magazine—and the nude photo of Mari- 
lyn—to wholesalers across the country. 
With orders for 70,000 copies, all that 
was left was to create the magazine. He 
spent the summer and fall of 1953 work- 
ing on the first issue. It went on sale in 
November with no date on the cover, 
“because I wasn’t sure there would be a 
second.” But it was a sellout, And so 
were the second and third issues as well. 

Hefner's editorial mix of fiction, sat- 
ire, sexy cartoons, lifestyle features and 
a centerfold was an unbeatable combi- 
nation in a decade that was as conserva- 
tive as this one. 

Years later, social critic Max Lerner 
would explain that in the sexual revolu- 
tion Kinsey was the researcher and Hef 
its pamphleteer. “What Kinsey did was 
give the American male permission to 
change his basic life way, his basic life- 
style. And what Hefner did was show the 
American male how to do it.” 

Comedian Dick Shawn would say that 
Hefner “introduced clean, wholesome 
sex at a time when a male and a female 
were not allowed to be shown in the 
same bed. I remember Doris Day and 
Rock Hudson. In two different beds. 
‘Two different rooms. Two different 
movies.” 

Hefner celebrated sex as a part of the 
total man. He loved women, but he also 
cared about jazz, sports cars, art, litera- 
ture, gear, gadgetry, grooming, good 
food and drink. He reinvented mas- 
culinity. In the pages of PLAYBOY, men 
cooked for women, appreciated art and 
refused to surrender to anyone else’s 
definition of what it meant to be male. 
They would not, to use Kinsey's phrase, 
become “conforming machines.” 

‘The magazine created and described a 
new male authority. Articles by Philip 
Wylie attacked The Abdicating Male and 
The Womanization of America. Mourning 
the day that the women’s movement 
broached the saloon and invaded the 
men's club, Wylie gave a glimpse at the 
heart of the magazine of a place where 
“he and his fellow men could mutual- 
ly revive that integrity which Victorian 
prissiness, superimposed on Puritanism, 


elsewhere sabotaged. He could talk and 
think of himself as a sportsman, a lover, 
an adventurer, a being of intellect, pas- 
sion, erudition, philosophical wisdom, 
valor and sensitivity. In sanctuary he 
could openly acknowledge that his true 
male feelings did not in his opinion 
make of him the beast that 19th century 
Western Society claimed he was. He 
could furthermore discuss females as 
other than the virginal, virtuous, timid, 
pure, passionless images that constituted 
the going female ideal.” 

Wylie attacked the nightmare of to- 
getherness: “The American home, in 
short, is becoming a boudoir-kitchen- 
nursery dreamed up by women, for 
women, as if males did not exist as 
males." 


Barbara Ehrenreich, author of The 
Hearts of Men: American Dreams and the 
Flight From Commitment, gave us this fem- 
inist assessment of the magazine: In. 
Hef's world, "Women would be welcome 
after men had reconquered the indoors, 
but only as guests—maybe overnight 
guests—not as wives. In 1953 the notion 
that the good life consisted of an apart- 
ment with mood music rather than a 
ranch house with a barbecue pit was al- 
most subversive. . .. A man could display 
his status or simply flaunt his earnings 
without possessing either a house or a 
wife—and this was, in its own small way, 
a revolutionary possibility.” 

She continues, "PLAYBOY's vision- 
ary contribution—visionary because it 
would still be years before a significant 
mass of men availed themselves of it— 
was to give the means of status to the sin- 


gle man; not the power lawnmower, but 
the hi-fi set in a mahogany console; not 
the sedate, four-door Buick but the racy 
little Triumph; not the well-groomed 
wife, but the classy companion who 
could be rented (for the price of drinks 
and dinner) one night at a time. So 
through its articles, its graphics and 
its advertisements, PLAYBOY presented 
something approaching a coherent pro- 
gram for the male rebellion: a critique 
of marriage, a strategy for liberation 
(reclaiming the indoors as a realm for 
masculine pleasure) and a utopian vi- 
sion (defined by its unique commodity 
ensemble).” 

“Critics,” she writes, “misunderstood 
PLAYBOY's historical role. PLAYBOY was not 
the voice of the sexual revolution, which 
began, at least overtly, in the Sixties, but 
of the male rebellion, which had begun 
in the Fifties. The real message was not 
eroticism, but escape—literal escape, 
from the bondage of breadwinning. For 
that, the breasts and bottoms were nec- 
essary not just to sell the magazine, Биг 
to protect it. When, in the first issue, 
Hefner talked about staying in his apart- 
ment, listening to music and discussing 
Picasso, there was the Marilyn Monroe 
centerfold to let you know there was 
nothing queer about these urbane and 
indoor pleasures. And when the articles 
railed against the responsibilities of mar- 
riage, there were the nude torsos to re- 
assure you that the alternative was still 
within the bounds of heterosexuality. 
Sex—or Hefner's Pepsi-clean version of 
it—was there to legitimize what was tru- 
ly subversive about PLAYBOY. In every is- 
sue, every month, there was a Playmate 
to prove that a playboy didn't have to be 


"Whenever I come here with a date, 
the conversation invariably ends up in a discussion about 
jumping my bones.” 


145 


PLAYBOY 


146 


а husband to be a тап.” 

Her tone is oddly sexist: Hefner want- 
ed to liberate males. When feminists bor- 
rowed the same blueprint a decade lat- 
er (in finding their identity outside the 
home), it was hailed as heroic. When 
a man dreamed of the same sort of 
freedom, women saw it as a flight from 
commitment. 

Not all feminists would express the 
same prejudice. Camille Paglia, defining 
today’s man, remarked, “Hugh Hefner 
has never received the credit he deserves 
for creating a sophisticated model of the 


2................... 


а Man Around the 
House * Luck Be a 
Lady * I Wanna Be 
Loved * Autumn 
Leaves * Tennessee 
Waltz * How High the 
Moon * Too Young * 
Hello, Young Lovers ® 
Come On-a My Howe 
* In the Cool, Cool, Cool of the Eve- 
ning * I Get Ideas * If 


г 


Cry * Blue Tango * The Wheel of 
Fortune = Wish You Were Here * You 
Belong to Me = Takes Two to Tango * 
1 Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus 


г 


Secret Love * Your Cheatin’ Heart 
* No Other Love * I Love Paris * I 
Believe * Pretend = Stranger in Par- 
adise * That's Amoré * How Much Is 
That Doggie in the Window * No 
Other Love * Sh-Boom = The Man 
That Got Away + Arrivederci Roma * 
Three Coins in the Fountain * Young 
at Heart * Hey There * Misty * Lit- 
de Things Mean а Lot = Fly Me to 
the Moon 


г 
Rock Around the Clock * Ballad of 
Davy Crockett * Ain't That a Shame? 
= Teach Me Tonight * Love Isa Many 
Splendored Thing * Let Ме Go, Lov- 


KROUND THE CLOCK 


s from the fifties 


suave American gentleman in the Marl- 
boro Man years following shoot-'em-up 
World War Two. Contemporary femi- 
nism has tried to ditch male gallantry 
and chivalry as reactionary and sexist. 
Eroticism has suffered as a result. Per- 
haps it’s time to bring the gentleman 
back. He may be the only hero who can 
slay that mythical beast, the date-rape 
octopus, currently strangling American 
culture." 

By the end of the decade, PLAYBOY was 
selling a million copies a month. The 
Rabbit Head logo was recognized around 


er! * Whatever Lola 
Wants * Unchained 
Melody + Something's 
Сойа Give * Mr. 
Sandman 


г 


Don't Be Cruel * 
Hound Dog * Singing 
the Blues * Heartbreak 
Hotel * Blue Suede 
Shoes * True Love * 
Love Me Tender * Que 
Será, Será * I've 
Grown Accustomed to 
| Her Face = My Prayer 
* Tonight You Belong 
to Ме * Love and Marriage = The 
Great Pretender = Tutti Frutti = See 
You Later, Alligator * Why Do Fools 
Fall in Love? 


г 


AIL Shook Up! * Young Love = 
Love Letters in ihe Sand * April Love 
* Party Doll * Tammy * That'll Be the 
Day * Bye Bye Lave * Jailhouse Rock 
= Teddy Bear * Chances Are * Little 
Darlin’ * Blueberry Hill * Wake Up 
Little Susie * Diana * It's Not for Me 
to Say * You Send Me * All the Way * 
AL the Hop » Witchcraft * Thank 
Heaven for Little Girls * Volare * 
Lollipop * It's All in the Game * АИТ 
Have to Do Is Dream * Twilight Time 
* Fever * Great Balls of Fire * Splish 
Splash * La Ватра * Sixteen Candles. 
* Donna * Venus * Dream 14 
Mack the Knife * Come So 
Mr. Blue * Put Your 
Shoulder * The Ha: 

Song * A Teenager in 
Kookie, Lend Me Your. 


the world. Men werecutting out the logo 
and taping it to car windows. Colleges 
were holding PLAYBOY theme parties. 
And the centerfold—the idealized image 
of the girl next door—had become an 
American icon. Magazines tried to dupli- 
cate Hefner's formula of "torso, only 
more so,” making РЕАУВОУ the most imi- 
tated magazine in America. Mort Sahl 
would quip that an entire generation of 
men was growing up convinced that 
women folded in three places and had 
staples in their navels 

But to understand the appeal of 
PLAYBOY, one had only to look at the 
alternative. 


TOGETHERNESS 


The Fifties saw the start of a great ex- 
odus that changed sex as significantly as 
the Depression or war had in previous 
decades. The American dream of a city 
on the hill gave way to a nation of Cape 
Cods grouped across the land. These en- 
claves were called bedroom communi- 
ties, in an ironic twist on their actual 
effect on the libido. Every morning 
throngs of commuters in Burberry rain- 
coats would board a train, or drive off in 
the family Buick. Every night, at exactly 
the same hour, they would return. The 
American family had become as regi- 
mented as the military. 

The Fifties sugar-coated repression 
and called it conformity. The spread of 
cookie-cutter houses and mass-p 
duced dreams was as relentless as Chi- 
nese water torture. 

John Keats, one of the first journalists 
to investigate suburbia, described this 
new vision of America: “For literally 
nothing down . . . you too can find a box 
of your own in onc of the fresh-air slums 
we're building around the edges of 
American cities . . . inhabited by people 
whose age, income, number of children, 
problems, habits, conversation, dress, 
possessions and perhaps even blood type 
are also precisely like yours. . . . [They 
are] developments conceived in error, 
nurtured by greed, corroding every- 
thing they touch. They actually drive 
mad myriads of housewives shut up in 
them." 

In 1954 the editors of McCall's tried to 
puta positive name on the phenome- 
non. They called the new lifestyle to- 
getherness. The magazine noted that 
"men and women in ever increasing 
numbers аге marrying at an carlier age, 
having children at ап carlier age, гсаг- 
ing larger families. For the first time in 
our history the majority of men and 
women own their own homes, and mil- 
lions of these people gain their deepest 
ction from making them their very 


Suburbia represented a wider range 
of living that was “an expression of the 
private conscience and the common 
hopes of the greatest number of people 
in this land of ours." 


"There was a new social organism, the 
American family, in which "men, women 
and children are achieving it together . . . 
not as women alone, or men alone, isolat- 
ed from one another, but as a family, 
sharing a common experience." 

According to one profile of the Ameri- 
can male printed in McCall's, husband 
Ed likes to "putter around the house; 
make things; paint; select furniture, rugs 
and draperies; dry dishes; read to the 
children and put them to bed; work in 
the garden; feed and dress the children 
and bathe them; pick up the babysitter; 
attend PTA meetings; cook; buy clothes 
for his wife; buy groceries.” What Ed 
doesn't like, we were told, was to “dust or 
vacuum, or to finish jobs he’s started, re- 
pair furniture, fix electrical connections 
and plumbing, hang draperies, wash 
pots and pans and dishes, pick up after 
the children, shovel snow or mow the 
lawn, change diapers, take the babysitter 
home, visit school, do the laundry, iron, 
buy clothes for the children, go back for 
the groceries Carol forgot to list.” 

Ed, it seems, must have lost an es- 
sential part of his anatomy in the war. 
Doesn't Ed like to fuck? McCall's wasn't 
saying. 

Bob Hope saw the humor of "togeth- 
erness" almost immediately, joking that 
there was so much togetherness "now 
the old folks have to go out to have sex." 

Betty Friedan, a writer turned house- 
wife turned writer. began to research a 
book on the togetherness phenomenon. 
She found that a whole generation of 
women had turned their backs on 
dreams of emancipation, settling instead 
for the security of being housewives. She 
claimed that togetherness was concocted 
by male editors al women's magazines, a 
revisionist scheme foisted on receptive 
women. It had begun as early as 1949, 
when the Ladies’ Home Journal ran the 
feature "Poct's Kitchen," showing Edna 
St. Vincent Millay cooking. “Now I ex- 
pect to hear no more about housework's 
being beneath anyone,” said the maga- 
zine. “For if one of the greatest poets of 
our day, and any day, can find beauty in 
simple household tasks, this is the end of 
the old controversy.” 

Edna St. Vincent Millay, the goddess 
of Greenwich Village in the Teens and 
‘Twenties, love object of the Lost Genera- 
tion, reduced to a housewife? Anthony 
Comstock must have rejoiced in the 

ave. 

Whether it was a conspiracy of mag- 
azine editors, the seductive vision of 
Madison Avenue or the plot of prime- 
time television, we had returned Ameri- 
ca to the Victorian era, with a perverse 
twist. The world of work was man's do- 
main; the home was woman's. The sex of 
the guys wearing the aprons was unclear. 

‘Togetherness drove women crazy. 
Friedan would find that housewives sur- 
vived by wolfing down tranquilizers “like 
cough drops.” Consumption of tran- 


quilizers in 1958 was 462,000 pounds 
per year. By 1959 it reached 1.1 million 
pounds. Doctors told of women who had 
snapped, who ran naked through the 
streets of suburbia screaming. 

Invasion of the Body Snatchers captured 
the horror of suburbia, with its image of 
pod people taking over individual hu- 
mans. The cover of the paperback asked 
the question: “Was this his woman, or an 
alien life-form?” 

Americans turned their backs on the 
sensual city, the city electric, to sit hud- 
dled around the cold fire of television. 
We watched fictitious families live per- 
fect lives. The Adventures of Ozzie & Harri- 
et, Life With Father, Father Knows Best— 
these were the pod people. No one on 
those shows ever dragged a spouse into 
the master bedroom or copped a feel 
from the next-door neighbor under the 
bridge table. 

This was an America dreamed of by 
the Puritans. 

Some called this progress, The auto- 
motive industry acquired trolleys and 
train lines—those avenues of escape 
which had made the city possible—and 
put them out of business. Eisenhower 
ordered interstate highways, which De- 
troit filled with gas-guzzling cars, cars 
big enough to hold the new family. What 
had once been а vehicle for escape and 
escapades became another room of the 
house. In the space of a decade about 
4500 drive-in movies sprang up, cater- 
ing to the family trade (and subsequent- 
ly to teenage lust). It was possible to do 
almost everything as a family—except to 
get away. 

Oddly enough, this congested land- 
scape contained the seeds of the sexual 
revolution. Friedan found women who 
said the only time during the day that 
they felt alive was during sex. And when 
left alone for hours at a time, sex filled 
their time—in fantasy at least. 

David Riesman, a sociologist whose 
book The Lonely Crowd became а surprise 
best-seller in 1950, charted the shift in 
the American personality from rugged 
individualist to tradition-worshiping 
conformist. “The other-directed per- 
son,” wrote Riesman, looks to sex “for 
reassurance that he is alive.” Sex became 
part of keeping up with the Joneses. 
Riesman noted that while any person 
could assess a Cadillac parked in a drive- 
way, knowing the horsepower, the ac- 
cessories and how much it cost, sex ге- 
mained “hidden from public view.” 

“Sex,” he said, is “the last frontier.” 

‘There was pressure to find paradise in 
the bedroom. According to Riesman, 
“Though there is tremendous insecurity 
about how the game of sex should be 
played, there is little doubt as to whether 
it should be played.” And new to the 
game was the specter of the “Kinsey ath- 
letes” with their “experience” and “free- 
dom.” The Fifties guy, according to 
Riesman, was “not ambitious to break 


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THE GOOD PARTS 


sex scenes from the golden age of paperbacks 


THE CATCHER IN THE RYE 


Half the time, when I'm horsing 
around with a girl, 1 have a hell of a lot 
of trouble just finding what I'm looking 
for, for God's sake, if you know what I 
mean. Take this girl that I just missed 
having sexual intercourse with, that I 
told you about. It took me about an 
hour to just get her goddamn brassiere 
off. By the time I did get it off, she was 
about ready to spit in my eye.” 

. 


“Ya got a watch on ya?" she asked me 
again, and then she stood up and 
pulled her dress over her head. 

I certainly felt peculiar when she did 
that. I mean she did it so sudden and all. 
I know you're supposed to feel pretty 
sexy when somebody gets up and pulls 
their dress over their head, but I 
didn't. Sexy was about the last thing I 
was feeling. I felt much more de- 
pressed than sexy. 


THE BLACKBOARD JUNGLE 

Lhe boy turned suddenly, moving to 
Miss Hammond's side. It was then that 
Rick saw the torn front of her suit jack- 
et and the ripped blouse and lingerie. 
My God, he thought, wildly, that's her 
brcast, and then he was clamping his 
hand on the boy's shoulder and spin- 
ning him around. 

Miss Hammond, her mouth free 
поч, screamed. Rick probably wouldn't 
have hit the boy if Miss Hammond 
hadn't screamed, but the scream gave 
urgency to the situation. The boy 
bounced back against the radiator, and 
Miss Hammond screamed again, hold- 
ing her hand up to cover the purple 
nipple and roscate of her breast behind. 
the torn slip and brassiere. 

Rick stripped off his jacket, handing 
it to Miss Hammond. She slipped into. 
it quickly, still sobbing, her hair dis- 
arranged, her hands trembling. The 
jacket was too large for her, but she 
clutched it to her exposed breast 
thankfully, her cheeks flushed with ex- 
citement. Rick looked at her again, 
at the delicate features, the full 
body thrusting against his jacket. He 
thought of the innocent exposure of 

iss Hammond's breast as he had seen 
it, full and rounded, the torn silk of 
her underwear framing it, providing a 
cushion for it. A youthful breast it had 
been, firm, with the nipple large and 


erect. He concentrated on the embar- 
rassment he felt for her, and he con- 
centrated on his hatred for the boy, 
and he seized the boy roughly and 
shouted, "Come on, mister The princi- 
pal wants to see you." 


I, THE JURY 
Her fingers were sliding the zipper of her 
skirt. The zipper and a button. Then the 
skirt fell in а heap around her legs. Gor- 
geous legs. Legs that were all curves and 
strength and made me see pictures that I 
shouldn't see anymore. Passionate legs. All 
that was left were the transparent panties. 
Апа she was a real blonde. 


A NOVEL OF WAYWARD YOUTH IN BROOKLYN 


АМВОУ DUKES 


бу Irving Shulman 


This book * cila най edit for AV Book 

“No Charlotte, I'm the jury now, and 
the judge, and I have a promise to 
keep. Beautiful as you are, as much as 
І almost loved you, I sentence you to 
death.” 

Her thumbs hooked in the fragile silk of 
the panties and pulled them down. She 
stepped out of them as delicately as one com- 
ing from a bathtub. She was completely 
naked now. A suntanned goddess giving 
herself to her lover. With arms outstretched 
she walked toward me. Lightly, her tongue 
тап over her lips, making them glisten with 
passion. The smell of her wes like an exhila- 
raling perfume. Slowly a sigh escaped her, 
making the hemispheres of her breasts quiver. 
She leaned forward to kiss me, her arms go- 
ing out to encircle my neck. 

The roar of the .45 shook the room, 
Slowly, she looked down at the ugly 


swelling in her naked belly where the 
bullet went in. 

“How c-c-could you?" she gasped. 

1 only had a moment before talking 
to a corpse, but I got it in. 

“It was easy,” I said. 


FROM HERE TO ETERNITY 


She put one hand behind her and 
flipped the snap of her halter and 
tossed it to the floor. Staring at him 
with eyes of liquid smoke in which 
there was a curious and great disin- 
terest she unzipped her shorts and 
shucked out of them without moving 
from the chair and dropped them with 
the halter. 

“There,” she said. “That is what you 
want. That's what all the talk's about. 
"That's what all you virile men, you in- 
tellectual men, always want. Isn't it? 
You big strong male men who are virile 
and intelligent, but who are helpless as 
babies without a fragile female body to 
root around on.” 

“Come here,” he said, hoarsely, gen- 
tly. “Come here, little baby. Gome here 
to me.” 

The great gentleness that was in 
him, that he was always wanting to 
bring forward but never could, rose up 
in him now like a flood, blindingly. 

“Oh,” Karen said. “I never knew it 
could be like this,” 


PEYTON PLACE 


She had stood like a statue, one hand 
on the back of her neck where she had 
put it to fluff out her hair, when he 
spoke. He did not speak again, but 
when she did not move he stepped in 
front of her and untied the top strap of 
her bathing suit. With one motion of 
his hand, she was naked to the waist 
and he pulled her against him without 
even looking at her. He kissed her bru- 
tally, torturously, as if he hoped to 
awaken a response in her with pain 
that gentleness could not arouse. His 
hands were in her hair, but his thumbs 
were under her jawbone, at cither side 
of her face, so that she could not twist 
her head from side to side. She felt her 
knees beginning to give under her, and 
still he kissed her, holding her upright 
with his hands tangled in her hair. 
When he lifted his bruising, hurtful 
mouth at last, he picked her up, carried 
her to the car and slammed the car 
door behind her. She was still crum- 


pled, half naked on the front seat, 
when he drove up in front of her 
house. Without a word, he carried 
her out of the car and she could not 
utter a sound. He carried her into 
the living room where the lights still 
blazed in front of the open, uncur- 
tained windows and dropped her 
onto the chintz-covered couch. 

“The lights,” she gasped finally. 
“Turn off the lights.” 


LOLITA 


“You mean,” she persisted, now 
kneeling above me, “you never did 
it when you were a kid?” 

“Never,” I answered truthfully. 

“OK,” said Lolita, “here is where 
we start.” 

However, I shall not bore my 
learned readers with a detailed ac- 
count of Lolitas presumption. Suf- 
fice it to say that not a trace of mod- 
esty did I perceive in this beautiful 
hardly formed young girl whom 
modern coeducation, juvenile mo- 
res, the campfire racket and so forth 
had utterly and hopelessly de- 
praved. She saw the stark act mere- 
ly as part of a youngster's furtive 
world, unknown to adults. What 
adults did for purposes of procre- 
ation was no business of hers. I 
feigned supreme stupidity and had 
her have her way—at least while I 
could still bear it. But really these 
are irrelevant matters; I am not 
concerned with so-called "sex" at 
all. Anybody can imaginc thosc clc- 
ments of animality. 


LADY CHATTERLEY'S LOVER. 


And softly, with that marvelous 
swoon-like caress of his hand in 
pure soft desire, softly he stroked 
the silky slope of her loins, down, 
down between her soft warm but- 
tocks, coming nearer and nearer to 
the very quick of her. And she felt 
him like a flame of desire, yet ten- 
der, and she felt herself melting in 
the flame. She let herself go. She felt 
his penis risen against her with 
silent amazing force and assertion, 
and she let herself go to him. She 
yielded with a quiver that was like 
death, she went all open to him. 
And oh, if he were not tender to her 
now, how cruel, for she was all open 
to him and helpless! 


the quantitative records of the acquisi- 
tive consumers of sex like Don Juan, but 
he does not want to miss, day in, day out, 
the qualities of experience he tells him- 
self the others are having.” 

Sex had been drawn into the postwar 
phenomenon of rising expectations. The 
problem for women who lost themselves 
in sexual fantasy every day was the hus- 
bands who couldn't keep up, who came 
home tired. Magazine ads promot- 
cd stimulants such as No-Doz: “Too 
Pooped to Play, Boy?” An ad for Rybutol 
showed a distraught, sexually frustrated 
woman next to a sleeping husband 
(Lenny Bruce would lampoon this ad, 
saying the woman discovered the real 
reason for her husband s listless libido 
when she found the wig, dress and 
makeup іп his closet.) 

Friedan's women wrapped their fanta- 
sy lives in torrid novels and magazines 
that offered articles asking, "Can This 
Marriage Be Saved?" Ву 1958 some six 
million of them had bought Peyton Place, 
asalacious novel by Grace Metalious that 
“lifts the lid off a small New England 
town." Rape, incest, illegitimate chil- 
dren, spectacular affairs, teenage lust— 
bring it on. 

But by most accounts, suburbia was a 
goldfish bowl that made fooling around 
almost impossible. Herbert Gans, in his 
sociological study The Levittowners, found 
that “a woman neighbor did not visit an- 
other when her husband was home. 
partly because of the belief that a hus- 
band has first call on his wife’s compan- 
ionship, partly to prevent suspicion that 
her visit might be interpreted as a sexual 
interest in the husband.” 

Friedan also noted extramarital sex 
was frustrated by the “problems posed 
by children coming home from school, 
cars parked overtime in driveways and 
gossiping servants.” Women, she said, 
were turned into sex seekers, but not sex 
finders. If sex was the last frontier, it 
would remain unexplored—and unset- 
tled—for at least another decade. 

Gans found a disturbing side effect of 
life on the suburban frontier: “Some 
adults seem to project their own desires 
for excitement and adventures onto the 
youngsters. For them, teenagers func- 
tion locally as movie stars and beatniks 
do on the national scene—as exotic crea- 
tures reputed to live for sex and adven- 
ture. Manifestly, teenagers act as more 
prosaic entertainers: in varsity athletics, 
high school drama societies and bands, 
but the girls are also expected to provide 
glamour. One of the first activities of the 
Junior Chamber of Commerce was a 
Miss Levittown contest in which teenage 
girls competed for honors in evening- 
gown, bathing-suit and talent contests— 
the talent contest usually involving love 
songs or covertly erotic dances. At such 
contests unattainable maidens showed 
off their sexuality—often unconscious- 
ly—in order to win the nomination. Men 


in the audience commented sotto voce 
about the girls’ attractiveness, wishing 
to sleep with them and speculating 
whether that privilege is available to the 
contest judges and boyfriends. From 
here it was only a short step to the con- 
viction that girls were promiscuous with 
their teenage friends, which heightens 
adult envy, fear and the justification for 
restrictive measures.” 

The paranoia exploded in a whisper- 
ing campaign that swept the town with 

“rumors of teenage orgies in Levittown's 
school playgrounds, in shopping center 
parking lots and on the remaining rural 
roads of the township. The most fantas- 
tic rumor had 44 girls in the senior class 
pregnant. with one boy single-handedly 
responsible for six of them. Some in- 
quiry on my part turned up the facts: 
‘Two senior girls were pregnant and one 
of them was about to be married.” 

The sexual paranoia of parents 
became one of Hollywood's favorite 
themes in the Fifties. А Summer Place— 
the make-out movie of 1959—depicted 
mother as monster. After Sandra Dee is 
shipwrecked with Troy Donahue for an 
unchaperoned evening, the first thing 
her mother docs is have her virginity in- 
spected by the local doctor. 

The 1955 film classic Rebel Without a 
Cause offered the definitive portrait of 
the breakdown in family communica- 
tions. The only point ofcontact between 
teens and parents seemed to be the 
booking room at the local police station. 
Getting in trouble was a way of life for 
juveniles. Faced with an ineffective fa- 
ther and а manipulative mother who 
bombarded him with conflicting mes- 
sages, James Dean would scream in an- 
guish: "You're tearing me apart!" 

So much for togetherness. 


REBELS WITHOUT A CAUSE 


Parents and schools attempted to reg- 
ulate teenagers in ways both ludicrous 
and ineffective. The enforcement of 
dress codes (shirts and ties for boys at 
school dances, skirts for girls) led to tru- 
ly aberrant forms of social control. Prin- 
cipals would force a golf ball down a 
boy's trouser leg to make sure his pants 
weren't too tight. 

The house in Levittown might repre- 
sent the American dream for a returning 
veteran, but it was a prison cell for a 
teenager. The Depression may have cre- 
ated a separate substratum for teens— 
with high schools as holding pens—but 
the adolescent of the Fifties had more 
autonomy and ready cash than Andy 
Hardy ever did. Teenagers became a 
true subculture in this decade. 

Previously, teenagers had shared their 
parents’ world watching the same mov- 
ies, listening to the same songs on the 
radio. Now they had their own teen 
age idols, their ovn films, music, fads 
and fashions. They borrowed the family 


car, bought their own or stole one for 149 


PLAYBOY 


150 


joyrides. Any kid with a convertible was 
guaranteed a sex life. 

Wheels allowed one to cruise, to hang 
out at the drive-in, to explore sex while 
parked for a little submarine-race watch- 
ing, listening to songs coming in over 
new stations devoted to а new teenage 
music called rock 'n' roll. Teens staked 
out the balcony of the local theater, or 
their own row of cars at the drive-in, and 
feasted on movies made just for them— 
low-budget science fiction thrillers such 
as The Blob, I Was a Teen-age Werewolf and 
Teenagers From Outer Space, or sexy ex- 
ploitation flicks such as High School Con- 
fidential!, The Cool and the Crazy, Tien-age 
Rebel, Hot Rod Girl, Joy Ride, High School 
Hellcats and Eighteen and Anxious. 

Some schools instituted “health,” or 
“life science,” lectures—sermons deliv- 
ered separately to male and female stu- 
dents by members of the athletic depart- 
ment. The sight оға coach with a whistle 
around his neck giving a chalk talk about 
sperm may have temporarily reduced 
lust to the level of calisthenics, but we 
doubt it. The alternative experts—the 
biology teachers—still had the scent 
of formaldehyde and dissected frogs 
about them. 

Teenagers traditionally learned about 
sex from their peers. Patricia Campbell, 
author of Sex Education Books for Young 
Adults, reports that in 1938 only four 
percent of young people learned the 
facts of life from the printed page. But 
by the end of the Fifties, that figure had 
increased to 33 percent for girls and 25 


percent for boys. 

The available books had more to do 
with etiquette than with sex. Consider 
this detailed advice about the proper 
way to end a date from Evelyn Duvall's 
long-selling Facts of Life and Love for 
Teenagers: “Магу gets out her key, un- 
locks the door and then turns to John 
with a smile. She says, ‘It's been a lovely 
evening. Thank you, John.' Or some- 
thing similar that lets John know she has 
enjoyed the date. John replies, "1 have 
enjoyed it too. I'll be seeing you.’ Then 
she opens the door and goes in without. 
further hesitation. Since th he first 
date, neither John nor Mary expect a 
goodnight kiss. So Mary is careful not 
to linger at the door, which might 
make John wonder what she expects 
him to do.” 

Duvall warned against petting (“the 
caressing of other, more sensitive parts 
of the body in a crescendo of sexual stim- 
ulation”), stating, “These forces are often 
very strong and insistent, Once released, 
they tend to press for completion.” 

Girls were given the job of controlling 
male arousal. “Changes in his sex organs 
are obvious,” warned Duvall. Oh, yes. 
Especially if you were slow-dancing to 
Earih Angel. 

This was the decade that labeled the 
stations of lust in terms such as “first 
base,” “second base” and “all the way.” 
The focus on female anatomy turned the 
body into an erotically charged battle- 
ground. (No girl in her rıght mind 
would respond by, say, touching the 


“Thank you, kind stranger, but I was just clearing my throat." 


male genitals. Unless you begged.) 

In Heavy Petting, a documentary de- 
voted to the state of sex in the Fifties, 
David Byrne recounts the stages of mak- 
ing out: “There was kissing with your 
mouth closed. Arm around. Kissing with 
your mouth open and French kissing. 
Fecling a girl's breast with her bra on. 
Then with her bra off. Then beyond 
that, all hell kind of broke loose. If you 
want to feel somebody's genitals—if the 
girl felt yours, or you felt hers—you 
were getting beyond the bases. The steps 
didn't go in order anymore.” 

In the same film Spalding Gray re- 
members learning about masturbation 
from a friend, who told him that if he 
stroked his penis with a piece of animal 
fur, something nice would happen. "I 
didnt have any animal fur around the 
house. But 1 remember a lot of Davy 
Crockett hats. They were really popular 
then." 

Holden Caulfield, the antihero of Sal- 
inger's Catcher in the Rye, captured the 
confusion: "Sex is somcthing I rcally 
don't understand too hot. You never 
know where the hell you are. I keep mak- 
ing up these sex rules for myself, and 
then I break them right away. Last year I 
made a rule that I was going to quit 
horsing around with girls that, deep 
down, gave me a pain in the ass. 1 broke 
it, though, the same week I made it—the 
same night, as a matter of fact. I spent 
the whole night necking with a terrible 
phony named Anne Louise Sherman. 
Sex is something 1 just don't under- 
stand. I swear to God I don't.” 

Grace Palladino, author of Teenagers: 
Ап American History, says that “the real 
difference between good teenagers and 
bad was a matter of appearance. Good 
teenagers kept their private lives private, 
which meant, in effect, they remained 
"technical virgins.’” 

The ethic, if that’s what it could be 
called, was simply: Don't get in trouble. 
The sexually active lived in fear of preg- 
nancy. The Kinsey Report had revealed 
that a large number of women were hav- 
ing premarital sex. A third Kinsey Insti- 
tute report on Pregnancy, Birth and Abor- 
tion, which was published in 1958, would 
reveal that one out of every five women 
who had premarital sex became preg- 
nant. Of those, one in five would be 
forced into marriage. The other four 
women had their pregnancies terminat- 
ed by abortion. 

Scandal wagged its finger from the 
daily headlines: In 1956 girls read about 
a young fashion designer whose “body 
was cut into 50 pieces, placed in Christ- 
mas wrapping paper and dumped into 
various trash cans." She was the victim of 
an illegal abortion. On the East Coast, 
girls read this story in the Daily Mirror: 
DIG UP BODY OF GIRL, 17, ON LONG ISLAND. 
“The body of a pretty, blonde, 17-year- 
old bank clerk, missing ten days from 
her home, was dug cut ofa rubbish heap 


yesterday near the Jamaica Racetrack. 
Police said she had died after an abor- 
tion." Marvin Olasky, author of The Press 
and Abortion, tells how "the girl had put 
together $300 to pay an abortionist her 
boyfriend had found for her. He went 
with her and she died. When the boy- 
friend demanded a refund he was given 
back $160 to give the kid a decent burial, 
but he dumped her body in the rubbish 
near the racetrack.” 

"There was teenage rebellion bubbling 
right below the surface, rooted in the 
cruel hypocrisy of their parents’ world, 
but it would take another decade for the 
rebels to find a cause worth fighting for. 
For now, they identified with the inartic- 
ulate confusion of James Dean and Mar- 
lon Brando. When a town girl asked a 
biker in The Wild One, " What are you re- 
belling against, Johnny?” Brando re- 
plied, “Whaddya got?" 

In 1955 we got a look at the future: 
Richard Brooks’ Blackboard Jungle was an 
exposé of juvenile delinquency in inner- 
city high schools. The film had every- 
thing—sex, unruly students, the at- 
tempted rape of a teacher and a great 
soundtrack featuring Bill Haley and the 
Comets playing Rock Around the Clock 

‘The music went right into the veins of 
teenage America. No more togetherness, 
singing along with Mitch Miller or slow- 
ly going crazy to your parents’ mood 
music. Jazz, the music that had inspired 
the sexual dreams of earlier generations, 
had become so cerebral you could only 
sit and nod in cool appreciation. But 
rock was hot. It was physical. It had a 
beat and you could dance to it. 

When a young truck driver named 
Elvis Presley stood in Sam Phillips’ Mem- 
phis studio and told a crew of backup 
musicians, "Let's get real, real gone,” the 
nation followed. Heartbreak Hotel. Don’t 
Be Cruel. Love Me Tender. Each single sold 
more than a million copies. 

But the voice was only part of the 
show. Elvis sang with his whole body. He 
was sex personified, straddling the mi- 
crophone, then breaking into wild gyra- 
tions. His band said Elvis was “wearing 
out britches from the inside.” A critic for 
The New York Times noted that Elvis was a 
"virtuoso of the hootchy-kootchy. His 
one specialty is an accented movement 
of the body that heretofore has been pri- 
marily identified with the repertoire of 
the blonde bombshells of the burlesque 
runway. The gyration never had any- 
thing to do with the world of popular 
music." 

But it had everything to do with sex. 

Elvis had what one critic would call his 
"]'m-gonna-get-your-daughters zeit- 
geist.” Elvis, one review noted, was “а 
terrible popular twist on darkest Africa's 
fertility tom-tom displays," and his per- 
formance was "far too indecent to men- 
tion in any detail." 

Girls attacked Elvis, tore off his 
clothes, wrote their names and numbers 


in lipstick on his limousines. A judge in 
Jacksonville threatened to arrest Elvis’ 
body for obscenity. When Elvis appeared 
on The Ed Sullivan Show in 1956, the 
camera was allowed to show him only 
from the waist up—but it didn't matter. 

Years later, the lead singer for the rock 
group 02 would say that Presley did 
what years of the civil rights movement. 
had failed to do: "He jammed together 
two cultures, and in that spastic dance of 
his you could actually see that fusion and 
that energy. It has the rhythm and the 
hips of African music and the melody of 
European music." 


BLOOD SACRIFICE 


Elvis and other rock musicians may 
have jammed together two cultures to 
create a sexual frenzy, but it opened 
a Pandora’s box of racial fears and 
animosity. 

Protecting white girls from black sexu- 
ality had been the excuse for demonic 
behavior on the part of white Americans 
for centuries. As Americans struggled 
with integration in the mid-Fifties, sex 
was never far from the conversation. At a 
White House dinner in the spring of 
1954, Dwight Eisenhower told Supreme 
Court Chief Justice Farl Warren that the 
lawyers arguing in favor of segregated 
schools weren't all bad. They just didn't 
want their young daughters sitting next 
to “big, overgrown Negroes.” 

The Supreme Court's unanimous de- 
cision in favor of school integration had 
dramatic consequences. On August 24, 
1955 Emmett Till, a 14-year-old black 
boy from Chicago, walked into Bryant's 
Grocery and Meat Market in Money, 
Mississippi. Depending on which ac 
count you believe, Till was told there was 
a white woman in the store. He entered 
the store, bought some bubble gum and, 
as he left, either whistled at Carolyn 
Bryant, or said, “Bye, baby,” or grabbed 
her wrist and made a lewd suggestion, 
adding, "Don't be afraid of me, baby. I 
been with white girls before." 

"Three days later Bryant's husband, 
Roy, and his half brother, J.W. Milam, 
went hunting for the Chicagoan. They 
dragged the 14-year-old from his bed 
and drove to the banks of the Talla- 
hatchie. They stripped him naked, and 
when he refused to show fear (they said), 
they fired a .45 bullet into his head. 
They wired a propeller from a cotton gin 
to the body and dumped it into the river. 

Till’s family called the police. A few 
days later the mangled, waterlogged 
body was found. Pictures appeared in 
Jet. Life, Look—and in the nightmares of 
black families all across the country. You 
could die for being black, and for being 
fresh with the wrong people. 

Police arrested Bryant and Milam. 
The trial took five days. After an hour, 
the jury acquitted both men. 

Milam bragged, “As long as I live and 
can do anything about it, niggers are 


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PLAYBOY 


152 


going to stay in their place. Niggers ain't 
gonna vote where I live. If they did, 
they'd control the government. They 
ain't gonna go to school with my kids. 
And when a nigger even gets close to 
mentioning sex with a white woman, 
he's tired of living." 

Milam wanted to make an example of 
the Chicago boy, "just so everybody can 
know how me and my folks stand." 


THE SEARCH FOR SOPHISTICATION 


Not all Americans stood for ignorance 
or prejudice. World War ‘Iwo had tak- 
en millions of Americans overseas—and 
some of those who returned did not care 
to continue the repressive patterns of 
the past. They rejected conformity and 
its illusion of security. They wanted new 
scripts in every area of life—from per- 
sonal and political freedom to the pur- 
suit of pleasure 

While middle America was buying 
chrome-plated bulgemobiles, there were 
some who preferred the Thunderbird, 
Corvette, Jaguar or Mercedes 300SL. 
While mainstream America was watch- 


ing television, others preferred FM ra- 
dio and foreign films. They ignored rock 
'n' roll and dug the new post-Oscar 
Frank Sinatra, Ella, Chet Baker and 
Bird. Mainstream America had Martin 
and Lewis, but the more discerning col- 
lege crowd was listening to Mike Nich- 
ols and Elaine May, Mort Sahl and Len- 
ny Bruce. 

‘These young moderns were the Lost 
Generation reincarnate—people who 
came home from the war hoping to re- 
create the energy of the Roaring Twen- 
ties—and were appalled at the Cold War 
repression of what Village Voice cartoon- 
ist Jules Feiffer called “The Ike Age.” 

Leisure time, discretionary income 
and the American desire for upward mo- 
bility merged into a quest for sophisticat- 
ed entertainment—in film, literature 
and other art forms. What had heen iso- 
lated voices reached out to a growing au- 
dience, and, in doing so, expanded the 
boundaries of expression. 

In retrospect, the events that broke 
the stranglehold on the arts and enter- 
tainment in America seem inconsistent 


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with the conservative climate of the de- 
саде. In 1950 the New York screening of 
Roberto Rossellini's The Miracle, about a 
simpleminded peasant girl (Anna Ma- 
gnani) seduced by a stranger she be- 
lieved to be Saint Joseph, encountered 
fierce Catholic opposition, headed by 
Francis Cardinal Spellman and the Le- 
gion of Decency. Theaters that attempt- 
ed to show the film were picketed, and 
there were bomb threats. The state cen- 
sor board revoked the license for the 
film, calling The Miracle “sacrilegious,” 
an action that was upheld by the New 
York courts. 

In 1952 the Supreme Court ruled in 
favor of the film. For the first time in his- 
tory, the High Court held that motion 
pictures were protected by the First and 
Fourteenth Amendments. 

The Cardinal and the Legion of De- 
cency might try to tell Catholics what 
films they could see, but local govern- 
ments could not. 

Foreign films offered earthy tales of 
sex and passion, but Hollywood still had 
to contend with the Production Code. 
Howard Hughes had challenged the 
code with Jane Russell in The Outlaw, but 
a far more chaste film changed history. 
In 1952 Otto Preminger submitted the 
screenplay for The Moon Is Blue, based on 
a play he had produced on Broadway 
without causing any undue concern to 
the citizenry. It was a lighthearted tale 
of seduction, but the PGA rejected the 
script, saying the story made sex be 
tween consenting adults “a matter of 
moral indifference.” 

Preminger went ahead anyway. The 
РСА refused to grant the film а seal in 
1953, saying it had an “unacceptably 
light attitude toward seduction, illicit 
sex, chastity and virginity.” 

As the success of PLAYBOY would prove 
later that same year, the country was 
ready for just that attitude. The film was 
a major hit, grossing nearly $6 million. 
Preminger had proved that Hollywood 
could make a successful film without 
Production Code approval. He did it 
again with The Man With the Golden Arm, 
starring Frank Sinatra and Kim Novak, 
in 1955. 

Nudity was still taboo in Hollywood 
movies, but it could be found in foreign 
films and in the low-budget fare of 
the grind houses. As American audi- 
ences became more sophisticated, the 
grind houses became art houses. In 
Grindhouse, Eddie Muller and Daniel 
Faris note, “Some theaters catered to 
a sophisticated crowd: fresh-brewed 
coffee in the lobby, imported chocolates, 
the latest Dave Brubeck recording blow- 
ing cool.” 

‘Theater owners redefined the way we 
viewed sex. The former grind houses 
showed the same old imported films 
such as Devil in the Flesh and One Summer 
of Happiness, and homegrown hymns to 
nudism such as the 1954 classic Garden of 


ге------------------------ 


Г-"--"-------------------------..-. 


ГІМЕ CAPSULE 


raw data from the fifties 


FIRST APPEARANCES 


The Mickey Mouse Club. Disneyland. 
3-D movies. Cinemascope. McCarthy- 
ism. Red Channels. PLAYBOY. Center- 
folds. Rock 'n' roll. Tranquilizers. 
Transistor radios. Xerox copiers. 
Credit cards. Frozen TV dinners. TV 
Guide. Sports Illustrated. Mad. Diet soft 
drinks. Kentucky Fried Chicken. 
Corvette. Thunderbird. Edsel. The 
sack dress. Pantyhose. Stereo records. 
Videotape recording. Mercedes 
300SL. Nikon 35mm SLR. 007. Sput- 
nik. Astronauts. ICBM. Barbie. Lolita. 
risbee. Hula Hoop. Ann Landers. 
ibrating mattresses. Mattachine So- 
ciety. Daughters of Bilitis. Society for 
the Scientific Study of Sex. Citizens 
for Decent Literature. John Birch So- 
ciety. Beat Generation. 


WHO'S HOT 


Ike. Uncle Miltie. Joe McCarthy. 
Edward R. Murrow. Frank Sinatra. 
Marilyn Monroe. Marlon Brando. 
James Dean. Elvis. Annette Funicello. 
Brigitte Bardot. Liz Taylor Doris Day 
Rock Hudson. Lucille Ball. Sid Cae- 
sar. Martin and Le Mitch Miller. 
Liberace. Harry Belafonte. Mickey 
Mantle. Willie Mays. Rocky Marcia- 
no. Sugar Ray Robinson. Mort Sahl. 
Lenny Bruce. Mickey Spillane. Grace 
Metalious. Jackson Pollock. Jack Ker- 
ouac. Hef. Lady Chatterley. 


WHO'S NOT 


People blacklisted for suspected 
Communist leanings: Larry Adler, Al- 
vah Bessie, Bertolt Brecht, Charlie 
Chaplin, Norman Corwin, José Fer- 
rer, John Garfield, Jack Gilford, Lee 
Grant, Dashiell Hammett, Lillian 
Hellman, Kim Hunter, Ring Lardner 
Jr. Canada Lee, Gypsy Rose Lee, 
Arthur Miller, Zero Mostel, Larry 
Parks, Dore Schary, Pete Seeger, Ir- 
win Shaw, Lionel Stander, Dalton 
Trumbo and Josh White. 


WETHE PEOPLE 


Population of U.S. in 1950: 151 
million. Population of U.S. in 1960: 
179 million. Life expectancy ofa male. 
in 1950: 65.6 years. Life expectancy 
ofa female: 71.1 years. Life expectan- 
cy ofa male in 1960: 66.6; of a female: 
73.1. Marriages per 1000 in 1950: 
11.1. In 1960: 8.5. Births per 1000 in 


12327 


"YOURSELF = YOUR FAMLY « YOUR COMMUNITY 
IN EVENT OF ATTACK! 


1950: 24.1. In 1960: 23.7. In the 
‘Thirties, number of months after 
marriage first baby born: 24. In the 
Fifties: 13. Total number of babies 
born 1946 to 1964: 76.4 million. Рег- 
centage of population that believes in 
God: 94. 


MONEY MATTERS 


Gross national product in 1950: 
$284.8 billion. Gross national prod- 
uct in 1960: $503.7 billion. Year 
the Dow Jones Industrial Average 
reached 404, surpassing the level of 
the pre-Crash high of 1929: 1954. 
The year minimum hourly wage 
rose from 75 cents to $1: 1955. Medi- 
an income of a U.S. family in 1948: 
$3187. In 1958: $5087. The number 
of individuals earning $1 million or 
more a year in 1929: 513. Num- 
ber earning $1 million or more in 
1954: 154. 


THE TUBE 


Number of U.S. homes with televi- 
sion sets in 1948: 172,000. In 1952: 
15.3 million. In 1955: 32 million. Per- 
centage of population that owns a tele- 
vision by 1959: 86. Circulation of TV 
Guide in 1954 (after one year of publi- 
cation): 1.5 million. Number of sta- 
tions in 1950: 97. In 1960: 579. Num- 
ber of hours average person spends 
watching ТУ per week in 1959: 42. 


BACHELOR BLUES 


Percentage of people interviewed 
in 1955 who thought an unmarried 
person could be happy: 10. Typical 
adjectives used to describe bachelors, 
according to The Ийу We Never Were: 
immature, infantile, narcissistic, de- 


viant, pathological, Percentage of 


people interviewed in 1957 who 
thought bachelors were sick, neurotic 
and immoral: 80. Name of one man 
who didn't: Hugh M. Hefner. 


DRIVE-IN MOVIE TRIVIA 


Year the first dri! п movie theater 
built (by Richard Hollingshead in 
Camden, New Jersey): 1933. Number 
of drive-ins built between 1946 and 
1953: 2976. 

What teens watched when they 
weren't making out: Eighteen and Anx- 
ious, Born to Be Bad, I Was а Teenage 
Werewolf, Teenagers From Outer Space, 
Hard, Fast and Beautiful, High School 
Confidential!, Born Reckless, Teenage 
Crime Wave, Untamed Youth, The Beat 
Generation, Vice Raid, The Innocent and 
the Damned. Number of these 12 mo- 
tion pictures that starred Mamie Van 
Doren: 6. 


SLANG ME 


New terms added to the language, 
according to American Chronicle: cap- 
tive audience, integration, mambo, 
rat pack, spaceman, cool jazz, hot 
rod, panty raid, printed circuit, drag 
strip, countdown, doublethink, girl- 
ie magazine, split-level, fallout, hip, 
cool, crazy pants, greaser, isolation 
booth, cue card, blast off, atomic rain, 
fuzz, cop-out, put-on, shook up, 
funky, sex kitten, action paint- 
ing, reentry, beatniks, gung ho, joint, 
head, make the scene, a groove, 
bugged, chick. 


FINAL APPEARANCES 


1950: Edna St. Vincent Millay 
1955: Theda Bara 

1955: James Dean 

1955: Charlie Parker 

1956: Alfred Kinsey 

1956: H.L. Mencken 

1957: Humphrey Bogart 
1957: Senator Joseph MeCarthy 
1959: Errol Flynn 

1959: Billie Holiday 

1959: Buddy Holly 


lete Erêêê êêê bee ЗЕЕ ЗЕЕ ê ê r E 


a 
© 


PLAYROT 


Eden. That film prompted a New York 
judge to declare that nudity was not in- 
decent, and that Garden was neither sexy 
nor obscene. "Nudists are shown as 
wholesome, happy people in family 
groups, practicing their sincere but mis- 
guided theory that clothing, when cli- 
mate does not require it, is deleterious to 
menral health by promoting an attitude 
of shame with regard to natural attri- 
butes and functions of the body." 

Misguided theory? Nudity was art- 
house fare. We discussed the French 
New Wave, Italian neorealism and au- 
teur filmmaking, while watching Sophia 
Loren and Gina Lollobrigida fill peas- 
ant blouses, or Anita Ekberg take a spon- 
taneous dip in the Trevi Fountain of 
Rome. European films did not condemn 
the erotic—they simply presented its 
many complications. 

Foreign films showed us sin and sex 
the way continentals did it, after сеп- 
turies of practice. Indeed, Fellini's La 
Dolce Vita was a blueprint for “hedonism 
and debauchery,” sybaritic living or dec- 
adence, depending on your viewpoint. 

American film directors struggled 
with sexuality. Film versions of Tennes- 
see Williams’ Baby Doll with Carroll Bak- 
ег, А Streetcar Named Desire, Cat on a Hot 
Tin Roof and Suddenly, Last Summer with 
Marlon Brando, Elizabeth Taylor, Paul 
Newman and Montgomery Clift were 
dark testaments to the power of repres- 
sion. Tea and Sympathy portrayed Debo- 
rah Kerr's seduction of a young student 
as an act of kindness because he thought 
he might be gay, although by the time 
the PCA finished with the script he was 
merely “sensitive.” 

The major sex star of the decade— 
and the century—was Marilyn Monroe, 
though she never appeared nude on the 
screen. In contrast, her continental 
counterpart, Brigitte Bardot, could be 
counted on for some nudity in almost 
every one of her films. And God Created 
Woman, Roger Vadim's 1956 hit, opened 
with a wide-screen caress of Bardot's 
bare buttocks. BB stood for far more 
than the actress’ name. 

The Lovers, Louis Malle's classic tale 
of a repressed wife finding salvation 
through adultery, gave us the details ofa 
sophisticated affair. Jeanne Moreau and 
her lover made love in a rowboat and in 
a tub, traced the letters of each other's 
names on bare skin, performed finger- 
curling oral sex. The usual stuff, if you 
lived in France, maybe. 

The Lovers would play at more than 
100 theaters in the U.S., eventually re- 
sulting in the arrest of a theater manager 
in Ohio. The theater's owner launched a 
challenge that worked its way to the 
Supreme Court. 

The test case resulted in one of the 
most famous lines in judicial lore. When 
asked to define obscenity, Justice Potter 


154 Stewart remarked, “I know it when I see 


it.” The Lovers was judged to be not 
obscene. 

Foreign films educated the Supreme 
Court. When New York tried to ban a 
film version of Lady Chatterleys Lover be- 
cause it advocated immoral ideas, Justice 
Stewart said in 1959 that the First 
Amendment protected ideas, including 
the idea that "adultery may sometimes 
be proper." 


LOVE AMERICAN STYLE. 


American studios responded to the 
European invasion by churning out a se- 
ries of movies about seduction that the 
entire family could see, In Pillow Talk, 
Doris Day played a professional virgin 
who steadfastly resists the advances of 
Rock Hudson. His apartment is the clas- 
sic playboy pad—one switch turned out 
the lights, turned on the stereo and 
locked the front door. A critic for Time 
said of Doris and Rock: “When these two 
magnificent objects go into a clinch, 
aglow from the sunlamp, agleam with 
hair lacquer, they look less like creatures 
of flesh than a couple of Cadillacs parked 
in a suggestive position.” 

Doris Day played the chaste career girl 
in so many movies that Oscar Levant was 
prompted to observe, “I knew Doris Day 
before she was a virgin.” 

But the increasing sophistication of 
American audiences started to have an 
effect on Hollywood: By the end of the 
decade Billy Wilder would film Some 
Like It Hot, with Jack Lemon and Tony 
Curtis escaping gangsters by going 
drag. When Lemmon's cross-dressing 
prompts a proposal from Joe E. Brown, 
Lemmon is forced to confess the decep- 
tion. To which Brown simply replies, 
“Well, nobody's perfect.” The gender- 
bending signaled that perhaps the great 
homosexual panic of the Fifties was 
abating. 

For years, European directors had 
made two versions of many films—one 
for continental tastes and another more 
subdued take for America. In 1959 Hol- 
lywood reversed the trend. The Ameri- 
can director of Cry Tough, Paul Stanley, 
shot two versions of a love scene between 
Linda Cristal and John Saxon. In the 
U.S. release, Cristal wore a slip the 
export version, she did not. 

When riaynoy published stills from 
the two scenes, the police chief in San 
Mateo, California pulled the magazine 
from the stands. Hefner responded, “If 
the reading matter of the citizens of any 
community is to be preselected—a pret- 
ty abhorrent thought in itself—I can't 
think of anyone less qualified to do it 
than a local police chief." 

Congresswoman Kathryn Granahan, 
one of Washington's several sex-ob- 
sessed crusaders, flew to California to 
express her views on the subject. The 
newspaper headlines declared: SMUT 
PROBER HERE—HINTS RED PLOT. 

In the Fifties anything controversial— 


from sex to fluoridation—was consid- 
ered to be Communist inspired. 


HIP SUBVERSIVES 


Mort Sahl stood on the stage in a red 
sweater, a folded newspaper clutched in 
his hand. America’s only working phi- 
losopher launched into a free-form rap, 
touching on hi-fi, sports cars, McCarthy 
and Sahl's reaction to a sexy, oversize 
billboard. 

“Outside the theater there's this pic- 
ture ofa girl about 25 feet high and she 
has a towel around her from the Hilton 
Hotel chain. It's kind of like, you know, 
like good taste in panic. And she's got 
this kind of terror in her face, she looks 
real bugged and her face is a social in- 
dicument of the entire insensitivity of so- 
ciety, you know, and there's a synthesis 
within her expression of a rejection of 
old-world thinking and yet a kind of 
dominance of this phony puritanical 
strain, which makes our mores, you 
know. In other words, she's operating 
under the ostensible advantages of suf- 
frage and, on the other hand, this phony 
standard of morality. So, anyway, over 
her head there's an indictment of all 
of us and it says, You did it to her. Wonder- 
ful. I was standing there on the street 
digging this sign and I noticed a lot of 
young men walking by had looks of com- 
munal guilt across their faces." 

He shifts to a memory of World War 
Two sex-hygiene units that would direct 
soldiers to VD centers via іше green ar- 
rows. "The men rcacted in three differ- 
ent ways to the Army's protection. First 
of all, there were the conformists. No 
imagination. I hate those guys. The 
worst, you know. The Good Soldier. The 
Organization Man. They simply did as 
they were told—got sick, followed the 
arrows in. First aid. Thanks. And 
that was that. The second group wasa 
little sharper. They weren't actually sick, 
but they reported in anyway, you know, 
in an attempt to build reputation. The 
last were the real sophisticates. They 
were the perceptive people. What they 
did was to follow the arrows in reverse 
direction and find the action." 

Sahl had landed his first job at the 
Hungry i in San Francisco with a joke 
about a McCarthy jacket. Like the fa- 
mous Eisenhower, this onc would have 
lots of flaps and zippers—plus one that 
could be closed over the mouth. “Tell 
your children about McCarthy and Roy 
Cohn." he would say, "before they find 
out about it on the streets.” 

The hipster rebellion had begun. Defi- 
ance through humor. If we could laugh 
at repression, perhaps it would slink off 
into the night. 

Inanother part of town, Lenny Bruce 
waxed profane. Having started out as an 
emcee at strip clubs, Bruce developed ir- 
reverent and, some thought, obscene 
humor: Like Sahl he was an archetype of 
the hipster. Having grown up around 


‚jazz musicians, Bruce used routines that 
were closer to improvisation than to 
рипсһ line-pratfall shtick. Above all, he 
was a social critic: “The truth is what 
is, not what should be. What should be 
is a dirty lie.” 

And he had an eye for the underdog. 
Referring to a newspaper with the head- 
line FLOODWATERS RISE. DYKES THREATENED, 
he would deadpan, “It’s always the 
same. In times of emergency, they pick 
on minorities.” 

Bruce attacked that which he consid- 
ered to be truly obscene. “I would rather 
my child see a stag film than The Ten 
Commandments or King of Kings—because 
I don’t want my kid to kill Christ when 
he comes back. I never did see one stag 
film where anybody got killed in the 
end. Or even slapped in the mouth.” 

He articulated our fantasies: “Some- 
times when I'm on the road in a huge 
hotel, I wish there was a closed-circuit 
television camera in each room and at 
two o'clock in the morning the announc- 
er would come on: ‘In room 24B there is 
a пре, blue-eyed, pink-nippled French 
and Irish court stenographer lying in 
bed tossing and turning, fighting the 
bonds of her nightgown. All the ashtrays 
in her room are clean, her stockings and 
panty girdle have just been washed and 
are hanging on the shower curtain bar. 
This is a late model, absolutely clean, 
used only а few times by a sailor on 
leave." 

On sex: "If you put a guy on a desert. 
island, he'll do it to mud. A girl doesn't 
understand this: ‘You'd do it to mud— 
you don't love mel’ Sex is a different 
emotion for women." 

The hip subversives went from play- 
ing in basement clubs to national expo- 
sure in PLAYBOY, on television and on 
best-selling comedy albums. A Harvard 
student named Tom Lehrer built a cam- 
pus following all across the country with 
an LP of his songs spoofing sex, drugs 
and atomic annihilation: 


We will ай go together when we go, 
Every Hottentot and every Eskimo; 
When the air becomes uranious, 

We will all go simultaneous 

Yes, we will all go together when we go. 


He could take the Boy Scout motto 
and turn it into a public information 
campaign for condoms: 


If you're looking for adventure 
of a new and different kind 

And you come across a Girl Scout 
who is similarly inclined. 

Don't be nervous, don't be flustered, 

Don't be scared: Be Prepared! 


At the University of Chicago an off- 
campus group of performers called the 
Compass Players, which included Mike 
Nichols, Elaine May and Shelley Ber- 
man, was doing similar offbeat extempo- 
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Elaine and Shelley departed for the Big 
Apple, the performers who stayed in 
Chicago evolved into Second City. 
1тргоу comedy was not limited to the 
stage. Jules Feiffer did his sketches on 
paper. He tried to explain the rebellion 
of the hip humorists in Tony Hendra's 
Going Too Far; "I think everything's polit- 
ical. I think that in those years, certainly 
whoever you hit was an appropriate tar- 
get. You know, there could hardly be a 
wrong target. They all represented au- 
thority with very repressive social and 
political structures. So whether it was 
your mom or your boss or your teacher 
or your president, there was no confu- 
sion in targets. They were all the enemy. 


Because—and this is about language— 
they were all lying to us. They were all 
saying things they didn't mean. They 
were all using language as code. Certain- 
ly what my work was about in the begin- 
ning was people saying one thing and 
meaning something different. It was a 
direct reflection of the society we lived in 
where on every level, from one’s parents 
to one's teachers to one's leaders, one 
learned automatically to decode what 
was being told you. And so automatic 
had it become that it took years to find 
anything wrong with this. You know, to 
feel outraged. Hypocrisy is too mild a 
word. The blatant, mischievous disin- 
formation practiced on us from birth 


"Now don't you bother your pretty little 
head about going to some silly ball. We could both have a much 
better time here on our own.” 


seemed like such a norm that you didn't 
know you had a right to expect anything. 
different. And so, often when you did 
complain, it was turned around on you 
as if there were something abnormal in 
expecting something other than that, 
just as Huck Finn felt foolish and self- 
conscious for feeling loyal to Jim when 
he should have turned him in. The rules 
of society were so corrupt and so cynical 
that anybody poi out the obvious 
was considered the cynic instead." 

The establishment called the new art 
form Sick Humor, but it was the culture 
that was sick. The hip subversives were 
members of some kind of underground, 
a privileged social movement, said Feif- 
fer. "You did get a sense that something 
was happening. That the laughter was a 
laughter of real humor, but also of defi- 
ance, that there was anger here. That. 
these perceptions were necessary in or- 
der to breathe. It wasn't just about being 
funny. It was about being true." 

Tony Hendra, who was one of the 
founding editors of The National Lam- 
poon, noted the same thing: “People be- 
gan to draw strength from the sim- 
ple awareness that they were not alone. 
The subversives were exchanging hand- 
shakes all over the place, as night- 
clubs proliferated, comedy album sales 
soared, banned books were passed from 
hand to hand. Old Uncle Joe's worst 
fears were being realized. The things 
were coming out from under the bed, 
but instead of slipping six frames of 
Lenin into the latest Doris Day movie, 
they were doing something much 
worse—they were laughing. And what's 
more, they were laughing at him and his 
cherished vision of a rigid-with-fear, 
screwed-shut, dumbly obedient, boot-in- 
the-mouth America.” 


KEFAUVER AND KLAW 


Joe McCarthy may have been laughed 
off the scene by 1955, but Senator Estes 
Kefauver still roamed the countr: 
stomping out the forces of sin and non- 
conformity. With aspirations for higher 
office, he posed as a homespun hero. 

He needed a new target, but most of 
the obvious ones—from Communists to 
comic books—were taken. He picked 
pornography and its supposed connec- 
tion to juvenile delinquency. He com- 
pared porn to narcotics—calling it ad- 
dictive. The only problem Kefauver 
faced in this investigation was that there 
wasn't a lot of real pornography around 
in the Fifties, so he settled for the next 
best thing—Irving Klaw, “the Pin-up 
King,” and Klaw’s favorite model, Bet- 
tie Page. 

In the hinterlands, Kefauver's investi- 
gators had collected circulars advertising 
“real nudes unretouched in any way” 
and “snappy photographs. the kind men 
like.” He expressed shock and outrage at 
a “deck of 52 playing cards with different 
scenes of perverted acts shown on each 


card” and the eight-page comic books 
that showed "some popular comic strip 
character or prominent person perform- 
ing perverted sex acts." And he sent 
his political posse after the itinerant 
stag film projectionist who showed lusty 
loops at smokers. 

But Kefauver defined a pornographer 
as loosely as McCarthy defined а Com- 
munist. When he came to New York, 
he focused on Klaw, calling him “one of 
the largest distributors of obscene, lewd 
and fetish photographs throughout the 
country by mail 

Irving Klaw and his sister, Paula, ran 
Movie Star News. They sold publicity 
photos of movie stars and pin-up pic- 
tures of burlesque queens and camera 
club models—the kinds of shots that ser- 
vicemen carried through World War 
‘Two and Korea. 

When Klaw's customers wanted some- 
thing more provocative, he provided 
playful photos of girls wrestling, spank- 
ing one another or practicing the kind 
of knot tying one didn't learn in Girl 
Scouts. These were the same burlesque 
and bondage sensibilitics found in Rob- 
ert Harrison's Beauty Parade, Wink and 
Tiller. But if Kefauver was in need of a 
damsel in distress, he had a beauty in 
Веше Page 

Bettie had come to New York in 1950 
with acting aspirations—a 27-year-old 
with a trim, athletic body and a winning, 
fresh-faced, wholesome personality and 
appearance. By 1952 she was the most 
popular model on the camera club cir- 
cuit and a favorite in Harrison's girlie 
magazines. 

Irving and Paula Klaw had become 
her close friends. “We had a big sister— 
little sister relationship,” Paula said. Bet- 
tie appeared in a feature-length bur- 
lesque film titled Striporama, starring Lili 
St. Cyr, їп 1953. Its success prompted 
Irving Klaw to produce two similar films 
titled Varietease and Teaserama, starring 
St. Cyr, Tempest Storm and Bettie. 

Hef purchased a picture taken by 
Bunny Yeager, in which Bettie is trim- 
ming a Christmas tree and wearing 
naught but a Santa Claus cap and a 
smile, and made her Miss January 1955. 
By then she had become the most popu- 
lar pin-up model of the decade, арреаг- 
ing on the covers of everything from Jest 
and Breezy to John Willie's Bizarre. 

She was the living embodiment of 
the “naughty but nice” calendar art of 
the Thirties and Forties, but it was the 
bondage and fetish photos for Klaw that 
carncd Bettie the title the Dark Angel. 
She brought the same playful innocence 
to her spanking and bondage photos as 
she did to her other pin-up poses, turn- 
ing perversion into parody. 

Senator Kefauver's investigators tried 
to get Bettie to testify against Klaw, but 
she defended her friend. “I told them 
very frankly that Irving Klaw never did 
any pornography at all, not even nudes, 


and that I would say that if they put me 
on the stand,” she said. 

The committee blamed the strange 
death (possibly from autoerotic asphyxi- 
ation) of a 17-year-old Eagle Scout in 
Florida on a bondage photo of Bettie 
Page. His father had found the boy's 
body tied up in a manner similar to a 
photo іп Klaw's catalog. There was no 
actual connection between the youth's 
death and the photo, but no matter. 

Kefauver called Dr. Benjamin Karp- 
man, a Washington-based psychothera- 
, who claimed, “A normal 12- or 
13-year-old boy or girl exposed to 
pornographic literature could develop 
into a homosexual. You can take healthy 
boys or girls, and by exposing them to 
abnormalities, virtually crystallize and 
settle their habits for the rest of their 
lives.” 

Klaw pleaded the Fifth and Bettie nev- 
er testified, but the harassment contin- 
ued. In 1957, weary of the conflict and 
in ill health, Irving called Bettie and told 
her that he was getting out of the busi- 
ness. She left Manhattan and simply 
disappeared. 

Four decades later, Bettie Page had 
become a cult icon. Rock stars wrote 
songs about her, artists captured her on 
canvas, books and magazines were de- 
voted to her legend, she became the 
heroine of the comic book The Rocketeer 
and fashion models and superstars such 
as Madonna paid tribute to her Dark An- 
gel persona. 

Whatever it was that Kefauver feared 
was now being celebrated. 


LAST OF THE OLD TIME PORNOGRAPHERS 


"The government also targeted Samuel 
Roth, an anarchist and sexual radical 
who had a long string of run-ins with 
censors and with other members of the 
literary community. When he reprinted 
excerpts of James Joyce's Ulysses without 
the author's permission, even some sup- 
porters turned against him. He went to 
jail for selling unexpurgated copies of 
Ubsses in 1930, and again for selling 
copies of The Perfumed Garden to agents 
of the New York Society for the Suppres- 
sion of Vice. A book that described 237 
sexual positions no doubt offended 
those who were comfortable with only 
one—the missionary. 

For decades, Roth was the sexual un- 
derground. He published unauthorized 
editions of Lady Chatterley's Lover, the Ka- 
ma Sutra and a book on masturbation 
called Self-Amusement. He smuggled in 
works by Henry Miller and Frank Har- 
In 1936 the Postmaster General 
charged him with sending obscenity 
through the mail. Roth served three 
yearsin prison. 

He learned to survive the harassment. 
of raids and federal indictments. He sent 


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his advertising circulars first class—mail 
that could not be opened legally by in- 
spectors. If a citizen complained about a 


A gu 


The Tube 


television from the fifties 


Howdy Doody + Captain Video + Kuk- 
la, Fran е Ollie * The Lone Ranger = 
One Man's Family * Texaco Star Theater 
(Milton Berle) * Toast of the Town (Ed 
Sullivan) © Colgate Comedy Hour (Mar- 
tin and Lewis) * Your Show of Shows 
(Sid Caesar) ® Lux Video Theater ® Stop 
the Music * You Bet 
Your Life (Groucho 
Marx) * Quiz Kids * 
Big Town * What's 
My Line * Studio 
Опе * Truth or Con- 
sequences * Studs’ 
Place * Beat the 
Clock * Roller Derby 
* Gillette Cavalcade 
of Sports ® The Ad- 
ventures of Super- 
man * The Gold- 
bergs * Arthur 
Godfrey's Talent 
Scouts = Hopalong 
Cassidy * Martin 
Kane, Private Eye * 
Your Hit Parade * 
Broadway Open House 


I Love Lucy = Red Skelton Show = 
Jack Benny Show = Amos n" Andy = 
Gangbusters * George Burns and Gracie 
Allen = Garry Moore Show * You Asked 
for It * Ken Murray Show * Fred Waring 
* Lights Out * The Adventures of Ellery 
Queen * The Aldrich Family * Break the 
Bank * We, the People * Richard Dia- 
mond, Private Detective * Suspense 


Dragnet • The Adventures of Ozzie 9 
Harriet * Jackie Gleason Show * Fireside 
Theater * Red Buttons * See It Now * 
Life With Luigi “ Robert Montgomery 
Presents * You Are There * Perry Como * 
Dinah Shore * Watch Mr. Wizard * My 
Little Margie * Voice of Firestone = Arm- 
strong Circle Theater * Our Miss Brooks 
* This Is Your Life * Pue Got a Secret * 
Twenty Questions = Mr. Peepers * Blue 
Ribbon Bouts * Tom Corbett, Space Cadet 


Omnibus • U.S. Steel Hour * Sky 
King * Gene Ашту Show = Topper * 
Garroway at Large * Life of Riley * My 
Friend Irma * Person to Person * Make 
Room for Daddy * Treasury Men in Ac- 
tion = Lassie * George Gobel * People 
Are Funny * Mickey Mouse Club * Dis- 
neyland * Halls of Ivy * Stu Erwin 
Show * Dr. IQ * Climax * Father Knows 


Best * Loretta Young Show * That's 
Му Boy 


The Honeymooners * Alfred Hitchcock 
Presents * $64,000 Question * The Mil- 
lionaire * Tony Martin * The Life and 
Legend of Wyatt Earp * The Bob Cum- 
mangs Show (їп syn- 
dication, Love That 
Bob) * Jimmy Du- 
rante Show * Today 
Show (Dave Gar- 
roway) * Tonight 
(Steve Allen) 


Playhouse 90 * 
Phil Silvers Show * 
December Bride * 
Danny Thomas 
Show * Nat "King" 
Cole * Jonathan 
Winters * Eddie 
Fisher Show * Ser- 
geant Preston of the 
Yukon » Ihe Adven- 
tures of Rin Tin Tin 
= The Adventures of Jim Bowie ® Dick 
Powell's Zane Grey Theater * Walter 
Winchell Show * $64,000 Challenge * 
Broken Arrow * Herb Shriner Show ® 
Jane Wyman Show * Ray Anthony Show 
* Do You Trust Your Wife? 


Gunsmoke + Tales of Wells Fargo = 
The Lineup * Wagon Train “ Maverick 
= Frank Sinatra Show * Leave It to 
Beaver * Trackdown * Thin Man * 
М Squad + Pal Boone-Chevy Showroom 
* Perry Mason * Mike Wallace Inter- 
views * Polly Bergen Show * Gisele 
MacKenzie Show * Laurence Welk Show 
* Have Gun Will Travel 


The Rifleman * The Real McCoys * 
Wünted: Dead or Alive = Peter Gunn = 
Ann. Sothern Show * Name That Tune 
* The Lawman * Naked City * To Tell 
the Truth The Donna Reed Show * Bat 
Masterson ® Zorro * Ed Wynn Show * 
Tennessee Ernie Ford * 77 Sunset Strip * 
American Bandstand 


Dennis the Menace * Rawhide * Mr. 
Lucky + General Electric Theater * Hall- 
mark Най of Fame = Colt .45 * The 
Rebel * Riverboat Philip Marlowe * 
The Many Loves of Dobie Gillis + Hawai- 
ian Eye * The Untouchables * Bachelor 
Father * Bonanza * Twilight Zone 


solicitation from one company, he would 
switch to a different letterhead for 
the next mailing. Roth was American 
Aphrodite, Seven Sirens Press, Gargantu- 
an Books, Falstaff Press, Paragon Press, 
Candide Press, Golden Hind Press, Ho- 
garth House or Book Gems—as the 
need arose. 

He had 400,000 customers and he 
claimed to have sent out 10 million fliers. 
John Makris, in The Silent Investigators, 
leveled the charge that “Roth used no 
discretion in compiling his lists and in- 
discriminately sent his circulars to many 
small children—even to orphanages.” 

From 1928 through 1956, no fewer 
than ten postal inspectors maintained 
open files on Roth, placing orders to a 
degree that Roth joked he was being 
supported by the Post Office. In the De- 
cember 1953 issue of Roth’s American 
Aphrodite, he wrote an open letter to 
Postmaster General Arthur Summer- 
field: “While I have no wish to offend 
persons who seem to me both prudish 
and unrealistic, neither have I any wish 
to trim my sails to their faint breezes. Г 
want freedom of speech as a publisher. 
I know that people are interested in 
sex, as they are interested in all other as- 
pects of living, and I believe that this is 
healthy, normal interest—vigorous and 
creative. Those people who think that 
sexual love is dirty may leave my books 
alone. I do not publish for such as 


those.” 

On July 30, 1955 the Feds indicted 
Roth on 26 separate violations of the 
Comstock Act—the federal statute that 
forbids sending obscenity, or advertise- 
ments for obscenity, through the mails. 
At Roth’s trial the government paraded 
a prude’s gallery of mothers, ministers, 
lawyers, plumbers and housewives will- 
ing то testify they had been shocked by 
the circulars, ads for an issue of American 
Aphrodite that contained a story and 
drawings by Aubrey Beardsley. 

The jury found Roth guilty on four 
counts. The judge sentenced him to five 
years and a $5000 fine. At the age of 62, 
Roth went to jail. His lawyers appealed. 


A NEW DEFINITION OF OBSCENITY 


In April 1957 the Supreme Court 
heard arguments in the case. At issue 
was the Comstock Act, a law that had 
been on the books for more than three 
quarters of a century. Did the federal 
government have the constitutional 
Tight to keep the mails free of “obscene 
materials”? 

The Solicitor General brought in a 
crate of hard-core porn. Edward De 
Grazia, in Girls Lean Back Everywhere, 
suggests that the idea probably came 
from Arthur Summerfield, who kept an 
exhibit of provocative photos, films, 
books and drawings at the Post Office 
building. Visitors could get a crash 
course in kink. 

The photos, booklets and comics were 


not connected to Roth, but they served 
to shock the Justices. De Grazia reports 
that Justice William Brennan sent the 
box back to the Solicitor's office after the 
hearing, only to get an irate call that half 
the stuff was missing. 

The Court voted six to three to up- 
hold the conviction, concluding that ob- 
scenity was not protected. The Comstock 
Act was, it seems, constitutional. But. 
here Brennan, speaking for the majority, 
tried to define his terms: "Sex and ob- 
scenity are not synonymous," he wrote. 
"Obscene material is material that deals 
with sex in a manner appealing to the 
prurient interest. The portrayal of sex їп 
art, literature and scientific works is not 
itself sufficient reason to deny material 
the constitutional protection of freedom 
of speech and press. Sex, a great and 
mysterious motivating force in human 
life, has indisputably been a subject of 
absorbing interest to mankind through 
the ages; it is one of the vital problems of 
human interest and public concern." 

Prior to this decision, if a work depict- 
ed sex—no matter how briefly—it could 
be considered obscene. For decades ju- 
rists had worried about the effect of iso- 
lated passages on "the most susceptible" 
persons. Brennan had greater faith in 
the citizenry and proposed a new test 

“The test is not whether it would 
arouse sexual desires or sexually impure 
thoughts in those comprising a partic- 
ular segment of the community, the 
young, the immature or the highly 
prudish, or would leave another seg- 
ment, the scientific or highly educated 
or the so-called worldly-wise and sophis- 
ticated indifferent and unmoved. 

"The test in each case is the effect of the 
book, picture or publication considered 
as a whole, not upon any particular class, 
but upon all those whom it is likely to 
reach. In other words, you determine its 
impact upon the average person in the 
community: 

Obscenity was “utterly without re- 
deeming social importance” in the 
Court's view and, in the future, the test 
would become “whether to the average 
person, applying contemporary commu- 
nity standards, the dominant theme of 
the material, taken as a whole, appeals to 
prurient interest.” 

The Supreme Court integrated sex in- 
to the context of the whole work. A book 
couldn't be banned just because it had 
what some considered to be "good 
parts." They took sex out of the ghetto. 
In a way, the decision confirmed Hef's 
view that sex was part of the complete 
man, of interest to all—and that any 
work that hoped to capture the human 
experience would have to deal with sex. 

But the decision sent Roth to prison. 
One writer noted with irony that Roth 
was put behind bars for mailing material 
far more innocent than the magazines 
and books that appeared in the wake of 
the Court's decision. 


POSTAL REPRESSION 


The Post Office celebrated the deci- 
sion and used it to tighten the screws on 
sexual expression. It hadn't read the 
small print. 

In 1958 it conducted 4000 separate in- 
vestigations relating to the mailing of ob- 
scene and pornographic matter and 
caused the arrest of 293 persons. 

‘The media reprinted the government 
claim that mail-order porn was a $500 
million-a-year business. Postal inspec- 
tors estimated that 200,000 circulars 
wentout every day, “decorated with teas- 
ing pictures and spiced with provocative 
erotica.” 

According to an article in the April 27, 
1959 Newsweek, the Post Office received 
an average of 700 letters of complaint 
each day “from parents protesting the 
corrupting of their children.” (One as- 
sumes the other 199,300 recipients of 
the circulars were not bothered.) 

J. Edgar Hoover, always vigilant and 
ready to confront a paper villain, 
warned the nation that “millions of inno- 
cent children are exposed in their for- 
mative years to reading matter and art 
depicting shocking sexual travesties” 
and that such material was “creating 
criminals faster than jails can be built.” 

The panicmongers moved for greater 
control of the mails, including the sus- 
pension of all mailing privileges to any- 
опе suspected of producing obscenity. 
But Brennan had opened a door that in- 
vited change. In the next few years the 
courts used the Roth decision to encour- 
age increasing communication on sex. 
In a case involving One—an overtly gay 
magazine—the Supreme Court ruled 
that discussions of homosexuality were 
not obscene. Ina case involving Sunshine 
& Health—a case involving those mis- 
guided sunbathers—it declared that nu- 
dity was also not obscene 

And a jury of average persons had a 
better sense of justice than the cru- 
saders. Gay Talese, in Thy Neighbor's Wife, 
reported that in 1959, “after a Chicago 
vice squad had arrested 55 independent 
news vendors for selling girlie maga- 
zines, a jury of five women and seven 
men—uninfluenced by a church group 
that sat in the courtroom holding rosary 
beads and silently praying—voted to ac- 
quit the defendants. After the verdict 
had been announced, the judge seemed 
stunned, then slumped forward from 
the bench and had to be rushed to a hos- 
pital. He had had a heart attack.” 


LADY CHATTERLEY AND BEYOND 


In the wake of the Roth decision, 
Americans discovered long-suppressed 
classics. During the war soldiers had 
filled duffel bags with the works of Frank 
Harris, Henry Miller and D.H. Law- 
rence. Throughout the Fifties it had 
been a mark of sophistication to come 
back from Paris with the green bound 


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Yesterday. Today. Tomorrow. 


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volumes published by the Olympia 
Press. One of Shel Silverstein's first trav- 
el satires in PLAYBOY showed the bearded 
artist at a book stall ordering “10 copies 
of Tropic of Cancer, 12 copies Of...” 

You went to Paris to acquire Vladimir 
Nabokov’s dark comedy about an obses- 
sive love for an underage girl. (Lolita had 
been published in France in 1955, but 
then was declared obscene. It was finally 
published in America in 1958— after be- 
ing turned down repeatedly by major 
houses.) Or you could visit Paris to de- 
vour Terry Southerr's delightful Candy. 

In 1959 Barney Roset published an 
unexpurgated edition of Lady Chatterley's 
Lover. Post Office inspectors promptly 
confiscated 24 cartons of the books. The 
legal defense was inspired: Yes, Law- 
rence's work—the whole living, breath- 
ing masterpiece—was concerned with 
sex, and might actually arouse, but 
arousal, in the hands of an artist, might 
not be obscene. And certainly not offen- 
sive to the average person with an ap- 
petite for sophistication. 

"The Court agreed. 

In an article celebrating the decision, 
critic Alfred Kazin tried to put the novel 
into perspective: “Lawrence's exultant, 
almost unbearably sensitive descriptions 
of the countryside can mean little to 
Americans, for whom the neighborhood 
of love must be the bathroom and the 
bedroom, both the last word in sophisti- 
cated privacy. Lawrence's descriptions of 
the naked lovers gamboling in the rain, 
his ability to describe a woman's sensa- 
tions and a man's body with feminine 
sureness—all this belongs to another 
world. Lady Chatterley's Lover brings back 
memories of a time when men still be- 
lieved in establishing freedom as their 
destiny on earth, when sex was the ma- 
jor symbol of the imprisoned energies of 
man, for when that castle was razed, life 
would break open and flow free.” 

Contrary to what Kazin assumed, at 
least one American couple knew exactly 
what Lady Chatterley represented 

In Princeton, New Jersey a family of 
five went into an 87х9” fallout shelter 
as part of an experiment. They would 
spend two weeks in isolation, trying to 
duplicate the response to an atomic ca- 
tastrophe. There was a panic button in 
case the isolation proved too great. (Un- 
beknownst to the couple, the scientists 
performing the experiment taped every 
sound through hidden microphones.) 

This was the ultimate test of together- 
ness. The New York Times reported that 
the couple had “tranquilizer pills for the 
children, a bottle of whiskey for them- 
selves and a library that included a copy 
of the unexpurgated Lady Chatterley’s 
Lover” 


‘THE BEAT GENERATION 


By the end of the Fifties, new role 
models were capturing America’s atten- 
tion. The hip humorists celebrated Bo- 


hemia (defined by Mort Sahl as one of 
those neighborhoods where Jews tried 
to act like Italians). A significant number 
of Americans were turning their backs 
on conformity, conservatism and the no- 
tion that money assured happiness. 
They gathered in coffechouses, digging 
the cool sounds of Bach, Bartók and 
Bird. They smoked dope, listened to 
beat poetry and folk music and spoke in 
a hipster's language derived directly 
from black musicians. Organization Men 
they were not 

Detachment, not rebellion, marked 
the Beats. In Howl, poet Allen Ginsberg 
spoke of seeing “the best minds of my 
generation destroyed by madness, starv- 
ing hysterical naked.” The poem, pub- 
ished by Lawrence Ferlinghetti's City 
hts, was seized in San Francisco in 
1957 by Customs officials and declared 
obscene. A judge ruled the work had re- 
deeming social importance. A journalist 
from Time described Ginsberg as “leader 
of the pack of oddballs who celebrate 
booze, dope, зех and despair.” 

Чо the new bohemians, mainstream 
America was Squaresville. The Beats of 
fered a crack in the conformity and an 
alternative lifestyle that simply ignored 
the rat race. 

"The movement went mainstream with 
Jack Kerouac's novel On the Road. More 
than half a million people read the pi- 
caresque account of hitchhiking, wild 
parties and casual sex. Suddenly there 
were beatniks in Venice Beach, beatniks 
in Greenwich Village and beatniks on 
Long Island, at least on weekends—all 
looking for satori, or at least the chance 
to get laid. 

In the pages of rLayboy, Kerouac ex- 
plained the origins of Beat in a long, 
rambling, mystic invocation of Ameri- 
cana—everything from King Kong, 
Clark Gable, Krazy Kat and Buddhism 
to private eyes and great baseball play- 
ers. The Beats, he said, were not against 
anything. “Why should I attack what Г 
love out of life? This is Beat. Live your 
lives out? Naw, love your lives out. When 
they come and stone you at least you 
won't have a glass house, just your glassy 
flesh.” 

They were outsiders by choice, who 
rejected traditional values and relation- 
ships, who could find love оуег a bottle 
of wine. They believed in the great goof 
and offered an escape route from the 
conformity and conservatism of the Fif- 
ties. Who could say where they were 
heading? Life was trajectory. 

The hero of Jack Kerouac’s On the 
Road sounded a new call—to move, to 
flee, to escape. “Somewhere along the 
line 1 knew there'd be girls, visions, 
everything; somewhere along the line 
the pearl would be handed to me." 

Anyone want to hitch a ride to the 


Sixties? 


CONAN O’BRIEN 


(continued from page 58) 
O'BRIEN: I didn't realize that one does 
not pick up a famous person in a 1976 
station wagon. They like to fly first-class, 
to be picked up in a Town Car and 
put up in a nice hotel. Fortunately 1 am 
not directly involved in celebrity care 
anymore. 

PLAYBOY: Did you bring other comics to 
Harvard? 

O'BRIEN: Yes. John Candy’s people 
warned me that John was on the Pritikin 
diet. They gave me strict dietary instruc- 
tions. John immediately ran into a bak- 
ery on Harvard Square to get pastries. 
He said they were Pritikin éclairs. 
PLAYBOY: You once stole a famous televi- 
sion costume. 

O'BRIEN: When Burt Ward visited Har- 
vard there were fliers all over campus: 
Burt Ward to Appear With Original Robin 
Costume (Insured by Lloyd's of London for 
$500,000). In fact, Burt Ward was said to 
keep a bunch of them in his car; he'd 
pass them out to impress girls. Natural- 
ly, I wanted to screw with him. A few 
friends and I attended his speech at the 
science center. We went dressed as secu- 
rity guards. I said, "Mr. Ward, I've been 
sent by the dean to safeguard the cos- 
tume.” As if it were the Shroud of Turin. 
But the guy is humorless. “Yes, very 
good. That costume is very valuable,” 
Le says. 

"That's when we hit the lights. Which 
works great in the movies. In the movies, 
the lights go out and suddenly the jewel 
is gone. In real life, though, what you get 
is some dimming. You hit the lights and 
people can see a little less well 
PLAYBOY: Did you grab the costume? 
O'BRIEN: We grabbed it and the chase was 
on. Some Burt Ward admirers—young 
Republicans, I guess—took off after us 
yelling, "Stop them!" But we escaped in 
a waiting car. We proceeded to torment 
Burt Ward for hours on the phone, say- 
ing, "This is the Joker, hec-hee-hee. I've 
got your costume." 

PLAYBOY: How did Burt react? 

O'BRIEN: Robinlike. He said, "Return it 
or you will feel my wrach!” 

PLAYBOY: Burt Ward used to tell re- 
porters he had an IQ of 200. 

O'BRIEN: He may be delusional. 

PLAYBOY: Were you always starstruck? 
O'BRIEN: Stars arc fascinating. When I 
was a writer for Saturday Night Live, 
Robert Wagner did the show. One day 
he was sitting offstage, talking on the 
phone. He had on a camel-hair jacket, 
silk scarf and of course his perfect- 
ly arranged Robert Wagner hair. "Very 
good, goodbye," he says, and hangs up. 
Suddenly his hand shoots up and touch- 
es the right side of his head, where the 
phone receiver may have disturbed 
a few hairs. At that point you know he 
has done this smooth move every day 


since 1948. 

PLAYBOY: You seem to prefer goofy 
celebs—Jack Lord, William Shatner, Rob- 
ert Stack. There are photos of Stack and 
Adam West, TV’s Batman, here in your 
office. Do those guys know you're mak- 
ing fun of them? 

O'BRIEN: I’m not. I have real affection for 
those men. To me, meeting Andy Grif- 
fith is just as interesting as interviewing 
Allen Ginsberg. I'm interested in Martin 
Scorsese and Gore Vidal as well as Jaleel 
White, TV's Urkel. 

PLAYBOY: How do Gore Vidal and Urkel 
compare? 

O'BRIEN: I'd say Jaleel White's prose style 
is not taken as seriously. But then the 
same is true of Vidal's nerd character. 
PLAYBOY: As one of the writers on The 
Simpsons you helped create some memo- 
rable characters. 

O'BRIEN: What 1 loved about The Simpsons 
was that it wasn't а cartoon for kids. A 
cartoon might look like the friendliest 
thing in the world, but we were subver- 
sive. I loved it when we had Lisa write a 
patriotic essay in school: "Our country 
has the strongest, best educational sys- 
tem in the world after Canada, Сег- 
many, France, Great Britain. . . .” It was 
this great sugarcoated cutting remark. I 
loved her for it. 

PLAYBOY: Tell us a Simsons secret. 
O'BRIEN: When Dan Castellaneta started 
doing Homer's voice, he was doing Wal- 
ter Matthau. Like I said, it takes time to 
find your rhythm. 

PLAYBOY: Are you satisfied with your 
work? 

O'BRIEN: Intellectually, yes. The show 
works. Advertisers like to buy time on it. 
Young people really like it. But I was а 
moody, driven, self-critical person be- 
fore I got this show, and that hasn't 
changed. It’s just that I now have some- 
thing even more frightening than a Sat- 
urday Night Live sketch or a Bart Simpson 
joke to worry about. I have an hour of 
comedy broadcast every night. My anxi- 
ety has finally met its match. 

PLAYBOY: Will you and Lynn get married? 


particularly a comic with a talk show, is 
control. Marriage is a leap of faith, a giv- 
ing up of control. I'm not sure I сап 
make that leap. 

PLAYBOY: What about kids? 

O'BRIEN: What sort of dad would 1 make? 
Maybe this job and a normal family life 
are diametrically opposed. Dave, Jay, 
Bill Maher, Arsenio—where are your 
kids? Jack Paar seems to have had a nor- 
mal life with a wife and child, but you 
don't see much of that. And I believe 
that your kid should be the most impor- 
tant thing in your life. I may not have 
room, at least not now. I have Pimpbot to 
think about. 

PLAYBOY: Another foulmouthed Late 
Night character. 

O'BRIEN: Half-robot, half-Seventies street 
pimp. He's got a feathered hat and a 


| d 
Valent 


Ж зе 


740-5588 


161 


ДНО 


162 


metallic voice: “Gotta run my bitches. 
Run my ho's. ГИ cut you.” Right now my 
life revolves around Pimpbot. 

PLAYBOY: We need you to settle a fashion 
question. You, Leno and Letterman sel- 
dom wear suits offstage. Leno likes flan- 
nel shirts, Letterman prefers jeans and 
sweatshirts, You wear T-shirts. Why wear 
a suit and tie on the air? 

O'BRIEN: There are two schools of 
thought on that. The Steve Martin ap- 
proach says you're putting on a show, so 
dress up for the people. The George 
Carlin approach says all that old showbiz 
stuff is over, this is the new way, so wear 
a Tshirt. I chose a jacket and tie because 
that’s the uniform people expect talk 
show hosts to wear. If I came out in a 
mesh T-shirt and chains it might distract 
people from the comedy. 

PLAYBOY: How would you describe your 
show? 

O'BRIEN: It's a hybrid. If Carson defined 
the talk show and Letterman was the 


AS 


anti-talk show, where do you go next? 
"That was the question we faced. What we 
did was make a show that has the vis- 
ual trappings of the classic Tonight Show— 
the desk, the band, the sidekick—but 
with everything else perverted. When it 
works well I'd say my show is one part 
Carson, one part Charlie Rose and one 
part Pee-Wee's Playhouse. 

PLAYBOY: Do you һауе any advice for fu- 
ture talk show hosts? 

O'BRIEN: You had better love the job. 
Some hosts don’t. You can see it in their 
eyes. Chevy Chase’s talk show—he did 
not want to be there. And if that’s in your 
eyes you're finished, because there's an- 
other show tomorrow and next week 
and the week after that. You can’t con- 
quer it. You can do two or three or ten 
good shows in a row and still want to 
punch а wall when you slip up. 

PLAYBOY: Can you ever conquer your re- 
pressed childhood? 

O'BRIEN: It’s always there. I still believe in 


Y 
pe 


ps 


li 


| 
| 
act y 


"That's a spider.” 


moral absolutes. Murder, for instance, is 
wrong, unless it helps the show. 
PLAYBOY: Still, talk show hosts have perks 
most guys can only dream of. 
O'BRIEN: It's great to be “played over” to 
the desk. You finish your monolog, then 
the band kicks in as you cross the set. 
Fortunately, we have a great band. Even. 
when people didn't like anything else 
about the show, they loved the Max 
Weinberg Seven. The music heightens 
everything. Now you are more than just 
a guy in a suit, you're Co-nan O'Bri-en! 1 
think every guy should have that—if a 
band played you over to your rental car 
at the airport, you'd have a cooler day. 
PLAYBOY: Is Andy Richter your Ed 
McMahon? 
O'BRIEN: He's Andy. When we were get- 
ting started and the network wasn't sure 
of me, they kept asking, “Who's that 
Andy guy?" I think we've answered that 
question. Part of the show's rhythm is 
my energy played against the quiet 
steadiness of Andy. 
PLAYBOY: Is that rhythm genuine? 
O'BRIEN: Yes. Our mentalities mesh. I'm 
always dissatisfied. He's the guy saying, 
"Hey, relax. It's good enough." My gi 
friend would be happy if I had a bit 
more of that in me. 
PLAYBOY: Who is a guest you can't get? 
O'BRIEN: Werner Klemperer. He refuses 
to revive Colonel Klink, the comman- 
dant he played in Hogan's Heroes. Which 
confuses me. Is he going to come up 
with another character at this late date— 
Werner Klemperer as the aging black 
man or kung fu fighter? No, he's Col- 
onel Klink. 
PLAYBOY: You once said that as a boy you 
wanted to be like Bob Crane in Hogan's 
Heroes, the cool guy who “wore a bomber 
jacket and wised off to Na 
O'BRIEN; I asked Werner Klemperer to 
do some bits as Colonel Klink. He re- 
fused. Then a strange thing happened. 
We're shooting a bit on the West Side 
when Werner Klemperer comes around 
the corner. Pulling his parka up to his 
chin, just like Colonel Klink, he walks 
past our film crew and says, “Hello, Co- 
nan. I must say the show is very good 
lately. Give my best to Andy. Farewell!” 
It was a cameo appearance in reality. He 
was there, he was gone. I wanted to 
shout, “Hey, Werner Klemperer just did 
a walk-on in my life.” 
PLAYBOY: Are you losing the boundaries 
between your life and your job? 
O'BRIEN: There are no boundaries. At 
any minute Werner Klemperer may step 
in here and give me 30 days in the cool- 
er. It's getting surreal. Just this morning 
I'm going through the lobby downstairs 
when two girls see me. One girl nudges 
the other and says, “Look, it's the guy 
from Conan O'Brien!" I guess she 
couldn't quite place me, but she knew 
which show 1 was on. 


Hef's Playmate for Life, Kimberley 
Conrad Heiner, practices what she 
preaches. She's an animal rights ad- 
vocate and activist who takes in aban- 


doned dogs from Los Angeles shel- 
ters and provides a 


Kimberley Conrod 
Hefner, 1989 Ploymate of the Year, enjoys o 
romp on the grounds of the Ployboy Monsion 
with two of her adopted Shiloh shepherds, 
Bunny Eors (front) ond Chorlie. 


temporary foster home. On any given 
day, there are at least a dozen dogs at 
the Mansion. That's in addition to the 
other nonhuman residents—cats, ех- 


PLAYMATE BIRTHDAYS — FEBRUARY 
Debra Jo Fondren—Miss September 
1977 will be 43 on February 5 

Susan Bernard—Miss December 1966 
will be 50 оп February 11 

Traci Adell—Miss July 1994 will be 29 
on February 17. 

Teri Weigel—Miss April 1986 will be 
36 on February 2 
Jonnie Nicely—Miss August 1956 will 
be 62 on February 25. 


otic birds, fish, rabbits, monkeys— 
that make up one of the most elabo- 
rate private zoos in America. Hef be- 
gan his collection in 1972. But for 
Kimberley Hefner, the phrase top 
dog has more than one meaning 


PLAYBOY trivia buffs know that Janet 
Pilgrim was our first girl next door. In 
fact, she appeared as a Playmate 
three times between July 1955 and 
October 1956, when she wasn't work- 


PLAYMATE SNEWS 


PLAYMATES 101: 
PLAYMATES OF THE YEAR 


Miss December 1959 Ellen Strat- 
ton—PM OY in 
1960, the year 
the title became a 


VERONICA GAMBA: 
"PLAYBOY treated me like gold the 


first time. And I'm going for it 
again, in Playmate Revisited.” 


ing in the Playboy of- 
fices. But Janet wasn't 
the only Playmate to 
make a return appear- 
ance in the magazine. 
Margic Harrison was 
featured in January 
1954 and June 1954. 
Marilyn Waltz was a 
Playmate in April 
1954 and April 
1955. (She may also 
be the 
Scott” 


tradition. 

Miss December 
1963 Donna Mi- 

chelic—the young- 

est PMOY, at 18, 
п 1964. 

Miss Мау 1985 


Kathy Shower— 
the oldest PMOY, 
then 33, in 1986. 
Miss December 
1962 June Coch- 
En Е and ran—the shortest 
June 1954.) And PMOY, at 52”, in 
Marguerite Em- : | 1963. 
pey was Miss May ; | Miss February 1994 
1955 and Miss February Julie Gialini, Miss December 
1956. In the Fifties there were fewer 1987 India Allen and Miss May 
beautiful models willing to pose nude i992 "Anna Nicole боп 


than there arc now. It gocs to show tallest PMOYS, at 511", 
that once is often not enough. 


Donno Michelle 


Fifteen Ploymotes posed for conventioneers ot the Video Software Dealers Associotion Convention in 
Los Vegas to celebrote Playboy Ноте Video's 15th anniversory. Pictured from top to bottom, [ей to 
right, ore: Miss March 1997 Jennifer Miriom, Miss November 1996 Ulriko Ericsson, Miss Jonuary 
1993 Echo Johnson, Miss June 1997 Carrie Stevens, Miss August 1994 Morio Checa, Miss July 
1996 Angel Boris, Miss November 1995 Holly Witt, Miss April 1997 Kelly Monaco, Miss Sep- 
tember 1992 Morena Corwin, Miss June 1996 Korin Toylor, Miss Jonuory 1997 Jami Ferrell, Miss 
October 1994 Victorio Zdrok, Miss Moy 1997 Lynn Thomos ond Miss August 1995 Rachel Jeón 
Morteen. Front ond center is Miss April 1995 Donelle Folto. 


Is there а guy on the planet who 
doesn't recognize Jenny McCarthy? 
We doubt it. There have been maga- 
zines, TV shows, CDs, ads and now 
Jen-X: Jenny McCarthy's Open Book 


(written Neal Karlen). Jenny's 
life story is told in detail, but we 
couldn't help flipping right to the 
PLAYBOY part. As Jenny tells it: “My 
first job in front of a camera was tak- 
ing off my clothes for pLaysoy. I knew 
my mother would probably have а 
heart attack, 
but it was a 
step that I had 
to take if I 
was ever go- 
ing to get out 
of Chicago. I 
wanted that 
Playmate of the 
Year title as badly 
as I wanted to 
make the high 
school cheerlead- 
' ing team. I would 
never pose in PLAYBOY again, but I 
still think Hef is a great guy.” Jenny 
also reveals in her book that “а man 
has to be able to make me laugh and 
give me respect, or there's no chance 
we'll make it.” Her favorite talk-show 
experience? "During Singled Ош, 1 
was on the Late Show With David Let- 
terman. I was scared, because David 
is so sarcastic. It was obvious that he 
was trying to fluster me by Нірріп 
through the pages of my last pictorial. 
"Hey, Dave,’ I barked at him, point- 
ing, ‘my eyes are right up here.’ The 
audience howled and he looked me 
straight in the eye.” Hey, Jenny, we're 
still looking at you, kid. 


I give Playmates of the Seventies on E! 
an enthusiastic thumbs-up. Carrie 


PLAYMATE NEWS 


CYNDI WOOD: 
"| am grateful ta Hef for his gen- 


erasity ta me in print. I had thaught 
I was taa ardinary far PLAYBOY. | 
give him credit far my success.” 


Stevens looked terrific as the hostess. 
The Playmates selected to represent 
the decade—l illian Müller, Carol Vi- 
tale, Cyndi Wood, Rosanne Katon, 
Bonnie Large, Martha Smith, Janet 
Quist and Patti McClain—were all 
great choices. One admirable thing 
about the show was its honesty. The 
Playmates acknowledged that being 
in the magazine opened many doors 
for them but were willing to admit 
that it also caused some problems. 
Martha Smith even said she had con- 
cealed her Playmate past from most 
of her movie and TV employers. I'm 
looking forward to Playmates of the 
Eighties, but I really hope that the 
Fifties will get similar coverage. Bring 
Yvette Vickers, Jonnie Nicely, Joyce 
Nizzari, Lari Laine, Dolores Del 
Monte and Marlene Callahan togeth- 
er with Hef, photographer Bunny 
Yeager and director Russ Meyer, and 
you'll have a fantasy-packed hour 
of television —Steve Sullivan, Wash- 
ington, D.C. 


Qui 


UNQU 


“Гуе enjoyed the notoriety ofbeing a 
Playmate and Гуе used it to my ad- 
vantage. My father found out I’d 
posed quite by acci- 
dent. Someone at 
his office asked 
him if he was relat- 
ed to the centerfold. 
He took one look 
and yelled, “That's 
my daughter!’ He 
wasn't angry, except 
that I hadn't told him. 
I didn't because I didn't want to jinx 
it." —CAROL VITALE, Miss July 1974 


“I heard about my centerfold a cou- 
ple of weeks after my 18th birthday. 
I told my mother first because she 
took my test shot. You can't 

get too excited until 
your issue reaches 
the newsstand. Then 
it really hits you. You 
get to sign auto- 
graphs and go places 
and meet people. 1 try 
to use the attention 
now to promote safe 
sex and to get my AIDS message 
out.” —REREKKA ARMSTRONG, Miss Sep- 
tember 1986 


PLAYMATE GOSSIP 


1997 PMOY Victoria Silvstedt is 
shooting a 1999 calendar, and 
her Guess ads will be out no later 
than next month. . . . Miss June 
1969 Helena Ашопассіо 

has a spot in Steve Sulli- 

van’s book Glamour Girls 

и of the Century, based on a 


survey of pin-up collec- 
tors who voted on the 
most glamorous women 

Ir the past 100 years. . . . Miss 

September 1997 

Nikki Schieler 

Ziering made a 

Dr Pepper com- 

mercial that's 

airing in Rus- 

sia. Actor 

and talk-show 

host Keenen 

Ivory Wayans 

greeted Miss 

October 

1997 Layla 

Roberts on 

his show 

this past 

fall. 

Miss October Woyons ond Roberts 

1994 Victoria 

Zdrok received her law degree 

last May and has passed the bar 

exam. ... Miss June 1997 Carrie 

Stevens is modeling the new 

Bunny costumes with Layla 

Roberts for PLAYBOY'S reentry in- 


Vaccoro, Horney, Sanches 


to the casino business, in the 
Greek islands. . . . Miss August 
1994 Maria Checa has been pro- 
moting PLAYBOY's Spanish-lan- 
guage international editions and 
shooting a swimwear catalog. 
Miss January 1995 Melissa Hol- 
liday is a country singer and is 
hosting a syndicated radio show 
called Hot Tracks... Miss Octo- 
ber 1983 Tracy Vaccaro, 1992 
PMOY Corinna Harney and 
1996 PMOY Stacy Sanches visit- 
ed Matador Tobacconist in Las 
Vegas to promote Playboy by 
Don Diego cigars. They really lit 
up the room. 


PAUL THOMAS ANDERSON 


(continued from page 120) 


Maybe all those Hitchcock movies can be done better. 
Yeah. He's overrated, that Hitch guy. 


your own mom. What are you trying to 
work out? Has she seen the movie? 
ANDERSON: Гуе been reluctant to talk 
about that because maybe I'll deal with it 
in another movie. It’s not so much about 
trying to guard privacy, it’s about trying 
to guard, їп а mysterious way, the stories 
I might tell. I don’t want to give away ће 
ending. 1 also don't want to be the guy 
who's dealing with his mother for 30 
years. However, I heard from my sister 
that my mother saw the movie. As far as 
her response, | dont really know. 


15. 


PLAYBOY: Clearly, you're a student of dys- 
functional and reinvented families. Is 
there an on-screen or TV family that re- 
flects your ideal? 

ANDERSON: There's a Max Ophuls movie 
with Joan Bennett called The Reckless Mo- 
ment. A great little noir thriller, In it, 
Bennett has two or three kids. Someone 
gets murdered and she discovers the 
body and she wants to figure out how 
to dispose of it. Turns out the mother 
thinks her daughter has killed this guy, 
but he actually died accidentally. The 
great thing is that throughout the sec- 
‘ond half of the movie, the mom manages 
to focus on taking care of her kids. She 
has a teenage daughter who's nervous 
about a date and wants to take the car, 
and whose stocking is ripped. She has a 
son who is hungry and can't find his 
schoolbooks, and he rags on his sister for 
being nervous. The movie is all this stuff 
on top of all this other stuff—and here is 
the mother, taking care of everything. 
Whenever I think of that movie I go, “I 
want to be in that family!” 


16. 


PLAYBOY: Defend remakes. 

ANDERSON: My feeling about remakes is: 
Just rip it off. Don't call it a remake. 
Don't bastardize it. Just give it another 
title. Isn't re-creating and rehashing and 
ripping off and riffing off patterns that 
have already been created part of what 
we do? So just make it your own and call 
it something else. Without trying to in- 
sult anyone, and unfortunately Gwyneth 
is in this movie, I’m not sure about the 
thinking behind remaking Dial M for 
Murder. Do they think they can do it bet- 
ter? On second thought, maybe all those 
Hitchcock movies can be done better. 
Yeah. He's overrated, that Hitch guy. 


17. 


PLAYBOY: Now that you're a hot commod- 
ity, meeting all the industry power play- 
ers, what's worse, talking to a suit old 


enough to be your parent or talking to 
one your own age? 

ANDERSON: It's weirder talking to a suit 
my аре. Staring across the desk at some- 
onc of my generation who doesn't love 
movies hurts even more than when it's 
some old fogey. I want to shake him and 
say, “How come you're in this job and 
you don't love movies? 1 could kill you 
with my bare hands." 


18. 


PLAYBOY: What can't film school teach? 

ANDERSON: Anything. I use my brief ex- 
perience with film school to bad-mouth 
it with authority. The first day I walked 
into the classroom I was faced with see- 
ing Battleship Potemkin and а professor 
who said, “Ifyou want to write Terminator 
2, get out.” Well, fuck you. Maybe there's 
some kid who wants to write Terminator 2, 
and how dare you start with Potemkin? 
Why not start with Terminator 2 and work 
backward? To me, that's the way to 
learn. That's how I learned about mov- 
ies, tracing them back from what I just 
saw. Га sce Raging Bull and ask myself, 
“What was that guy watching?” OK, I'm 
going to sce every Elia Kazan movi 
I'm going to go rent Max Ophuls' mo 
; I'm going to watch The Searchers. 


a 


pravsor: Which test-screening experi- 
ence will you never forget? 
ANDERSON: Опе of the scariest was during 


our first test for Boogie Nights, when Bill 
Macy gets the gun to kill his wife. It was 
a crowd of 18- to 24-year-old college stu- 
dents and kids in Westwood. They 
cheered when he got the gun. I sank in 
my seat and thought, What have I done? 
How did I fuck up? Then he killed her 
and they cheered again. Then he shot 
himself. That time they shut the fuck up 
real quick. 1 felt better. I thought, OK, a 
point can come through here. But it still 
didn’t wipe away the notion that Га 
somehow blown it. Plus, we'd gotten the 
audience with the usual sort of bullshit 
carnival-barker street recruitment. 
They're always amped up for something 
that doesn't accurately reflect what the 
film is. On Boogie Nights it was, “Come 
see the raucous new comedy about the 
porn industry.” Raucous comedy? Well, 
the first half is sort of wild and fun and 
outrageous. If that's raucous, OK. So I 
figured, go ahead. Have your fun, be- 
cause pretty soon someone will get hurt 
and what you have to watch will punish 
you many times over. Then the movie 
was 20 minutes longer, and those min- 
utes showed incredibly severe, violent 
stuff. At the time I felt pretty good mak- 
ing them suffer. [Laughs] 


20. 


PLAYBOY: You're just beginning your rela- 
tionship with the press. Is there a rumor 
or a factual error following you around 
that you'd like to nip in the bud? 

ANDERSON: Well, there is that fucking ger- 
bil thing people are saying about me. I 
mean, I'm tired of it. Enough is enough 
already, I'm new at this and I just wish 
people would respect my privacy. 


“Im doing OK. I’m selling sunglasses now.” 


165 


PLAYBOY 


166 


JIMMY BUFFETT continues from page 89 


"Their mouths dropped open. And that was that. No 
deal. Disney was too pristine." 


spread over both beds. He looked at me 
and said, ‘Don't tell anybody, ОК?” 

“1 think that I have a pretty good busi- 
ness sense," Buffett told me that after- 
noon at his Georgia plantation. "It goes 
back to my old days. It was a necessity 
when I was a one-man show traveling in 
astation wagon. I booked myself, ran my 
own sound, paid my taxes. I was 21, self- 
contained. The guys who become lead- 
ers of bands are the ones who can take 
care of business, hassle club owners over 
the gate, get bookings. They are the ones 
who are still around. And Гуе always 
liked working. Because it gave me inde- 
pendence. I was strongly independent as 
a kid, and I still am now. I turned down 
the Mouse!” he said grinning. 

He'd been approached in 1989 by Dis- 
ney to put a Margaritaville in Disney 
World. (Proof, perhaps, that there are 
still bizarre ideas out there in the busi- 
ness community.) The Margaritaville 
crowd with the Frontierland crowd? 
Frightening to imagine. 

"The potential numbers were such that 
Buffett turned to his dad for advice— 
something he does fairly regularly 

“He said, ‘Well. you've got enough 
money to do whatever you want to do, 
right?’ And I said, ‘Yeah,’ He said, "Then 
you decide what you want out of it. Don't 
commit to anything you feel uncomfort- 


able doing.” 

And so Buffett came up with a coun- 
teroffer he knew they could refuse, re- 
verting to his musician's instincts. 

“Т asked for a percentage of the gate 
on the nights I played. I told them I 
work on 80-20 splits most of the time do- 
ing concerts, so I want 20 percent of the 
whole gate on the nights I work. Twenty 
percent of everything you take in that 
night. 

“Their mouths dropped open. And 
that was that. No deal. Disney was too 
pristine. In Margaritaville you expect to 
see dope dealers, various riffraff—and 
Disney World is too clean. I could have 
made a jillion dollars doing it, but I 
would get the feeling 1 had sold out. And 
I think the people who look to me would 
feel that way too. So I turned down the 
Mouse.” 

When I talked to him recendy on the 
phone, he said his latest project is what 
he hopes will be a Broadway musical It's 
based on Herman Моц Don't Stop the 
Carnival, a 1965 novel about a former 
New York press agent and compulsive 
philanderer who runs a semi-rundnwn 
hotel in the Caribbean. Wouk, now 82, 
wrote the stage script himself, with Buf- 
fett doing the music. It had a fairly suc- 
cessful trial run last spring in Miami, but 
everyone agreed it needed some major 


“Now, how about that for leg room?” 


reworking before it would be ready for 
Broadway. 

"I want the character to be a flirt, not a 
philanderer,” Buffett told a Florida jour- 
nalist after the show's trial in Miami, "A 
flirt is a lot more acceptable to me as a 
hero than a philanderer.” 

Yet another project is a book that will 
be out in the spring. It's a memoir, with 
the memorable title А Pirate Locks at 50. 
“I attempted to write a novel,” Buffett 
said, "with Frank Вата in it again. But I 
had to shelve it because Carnival kind of 
consumed all my creative energy for a 
while—and writing a novel is a 100-per- 
cent full-time job. Also a biography came 
out that didn't have much in it, and that 
kind of lit a fire under my ass. I thought, 
I've got to tell some of these stories be- 
fore I forget 'e 

“Basically it’s a story of a trip I took 
last year on my 50th birthday. I, circled 
the Caribbean—4700 miles—with my 
family and my air force. I" 
tion F2 and the Albatross” 
man seaplane, a relic of a bygone era— 
“and we took both planes. I did a jour- 
nal of that trip, and wrote reflections 
inspired by the trip. Recollections of a 
survivor.” 

He paused for a second and then 
laughed. 

“It’s amazing. I've kind of reinvented 
myself about three times. But I didn’t re- 
ally do a lot of reinventing. People just 
kind of rediscovered me. For whatever 
reason we've been able not only to sus- 
tain but to expand this thing, and it’s 
been successful beyond my wildest imag- 
ination. 1 figured, Give me a five-year 
run, and I'll be fine. But now I'm lookin? 
at 27 years or something like that, and 
still rockin’. Staying one step ahead of 
the thundering hooves of the Dino- 
saur Monster, and fortunately we're not 
done yet.” 

I asked him, out of all of this, what's 
been the top kick of all? He beamed. 

“Easy. Taking off and landing on an 
aircraft carrier іп an F-14 Navy jet fight- 
ег Top of the list. I rode in the naviga- 
tor's seat. Unbelievable. There's nothing 
like it. It's beyond anything you can de- 
scribe, I fly, but this takes flying to an- 
other level. 

“Г always wanted to do it," he said. "I 
used to drive over to Pensacola from Mo- 
bile, and I'd see all the Navy officers in 
flight training. I'd see these guys tearing 
up the sky, then driving sports cars, and 
they'd have their uniforms on, and it 
looked pretty snappy. If 1 had not be- 
come a musician, I would probably have 
become a pilot. Something had to get me 
out of my dull existence in Mobile. I 
wanted to see the world, and these guys 
moved and traveled, and I wanted to go. 
That was just in my blood. I always was a 


road dog.” 
El 


| d | | м j 
WHAT'S HAPPENING, WHERE IT’S HAPPENING AND WHO'S MAKING IT HAPPEN 


PASSPORT TO FUN 


ou could push the 282-horsepower BMW 540i Sport to 

its limit on the way home from the dealership and end ир 

in traffic court. Or you could take advantage of BMW'S 

European Delivery Program, open up the car on the au- 
tobahn—and save a cool $4800 off the list price. Foreign delivery 
programs are offered by most European carmakers and are one of 
the best-kept secrets in the auto biz. You get the same vehicle you 
would buy here, with the same specs, except you pick it up where 
it's made. After driving the automobile around Europe for a while 
(racing down German highways or tooling through villages in the 
Swiss Alps), you drop it off at a preselected destination and fly 
home. Your car is shipped across the Atlantic, then trucked to your 
local dealership, where you pick it up. it's a hassle-free process that. 
can save you big bucks on the price of the vehicle—enough to cov- 
er your European vacation. 

The program offered by Mercedes-Benz is the most compre- 
hensive in the industry. You can walk into any Mercedes dealership 
in this country and pick the model and options you want. Every 
Mercedes available here is eligible, except for the M-Class, which is 
manufactured in Alabama. The program offers a five percent dis- 
count and includes leased vehicles. And although you have to or- 
der your car three to four months in advance, it’s worth the wait. 

When you arrive at the plant in Sindelfingen (outside Stuttgart), 
the carmaker pays your cab fare from the airport or train station. It 
also throws in two nights with breakfast at the Hotel Intercontinen- 
tal Stuttgart (or at one of five other hotels) as well as a meal 
at the delivery center. You tour the factory and learn how 
your car was made. Then Mercedes turns you loose with a 
full tank of gas and 15 days’ worth of free insurance. The 
company offers an optional driving itinerary called the 
Black Forest-Alps Rally Package, with a route chosen to 
showcase the car's performance, plus meals and an 
additional four nights at deluxe hotels—all for 
about $1000 per couple. To make the most 
of your time in Europe, you can drop 
off the car in one of 20 cities. Six 
to nine weeks later it's at 
your dealership. 

BMW offers larger dis- 
counts, with prices up to ten 
percent below retail. Any 
German-built Beemer that 
can be purchased in the 
States is available and can be 
picked up at the BMW dealer- 
ship in Munich. Though the pro- 


Saab's 900 SE convertible (top), 
Porsche's 911 Carrera Targa (bottom) 
and BMW's 540i Sport (right) are all 
available through foreign delivery pro- 
grams. The bonuses of buying a car this 
way? You can save up to ten percent off the 
retail price—and drive on Europe's open roads. 


p 
mn, 


gram does not cover hotel stays, you get lunch and the choice of 
nearly 20 drop-off points from Italy to London. It also includes a 
month's worth of insurance. 

Saab allows customers to choose among 11 pickup points. The 
purchase price, also about ten percent below retail, includes deliv- 
ery to the main Saab factory, in Trollhattan, Sweden. For a sur- 
charge, you can pick up the car in any of the remaining ten Euro- 
pean cities. Likewise, Saab offers three free drop-off points, and 26 
others for а nominal fee. Insurance plans are available at a cost. 

The Saab program is especially popular with people who will be 
in Europe for an extended time—for work, study or pleasure. 
While most other manufacturers require the cars to be shipped to 
the States within six or 12 months, Saab's complimentary shipping 
service is available for a full five years after purchase. The program 
includes the 900 series and the 9000, which is in its final year of 
Production for the U.S. market. This spring, the 1999 9-5 models 
will be available as well. 

Volvo's program allows free pickup at its Göteborg, Sweden 
plant, with the option of 16 other cities at various charges. The 
company offers about a ten percent discount but lacks additional 
incentives. For example, the only models available for foreign de- 
livery are the V70 and 570, and the company charges for insur- 
ance. What's more, back in the U.S. you have to pick up your car 
at the dock or pay an extra $625 for inland delivery to a dealer. For 
those who want a really hot car, discounts may not apply. Porsche 

dropped the discounts offered in previous years and tacked on 

surcharges: $1150 for the Boxster and $2250 for 911 
models delivered overseas in 1998. 

LARRY OLMSTED 


Visas 


WHERE & HOW TO BUY ON PAGE 142. 


СВАРЕУТМЕ 


А Delightful Cover-Up 

You can see MARLENE REDMAYNE dancing in Reasonable Doubt, star- 

ring Melanie Griffith. Did you catch her on Baywatch or in the current 
a issue of Lowrider magazine? Hurry. 
E 


Le Is Lovely 
KATY LE has made 
іс videos with 


Thai and Keith To, 
appeared in Phat 
Beach and has 
been a promo- 
tional model for 
boxing matches. 
She sure knocks 
us out. 


Read All About It 
How does 61 look? Like singer 
SHIRLEY BASSEY, who was in 
the States in con- 
cert this past fall in 
New York and Los 
Angeles. Best re- 
membered for her — X. 
| brush with 007, singing 4 Î, 
| the Goldfinger theme, | 
Shirley still has her 
chops—and her legs. 


Ina 
State 

Any day now, 

the cult 

followers of 
MORPHINE will 
start a stam- 

pede. The no- 
guitar, heavy- 
on-the-sax 

band has four 
albums. The 

most recent, 

Like Swimming, 

will make you 

168 а convert. 


Suited 
for the 
Sea 
Czech-born model 

MONIKA HÄIKOVÄ 

had a small part in 

the Oscar-winning i ج‎ 
foreign film Kolya 4 
and also appeared c 

in the Czech edition 

of PLAYBOY. Beach € 

bunny, indeed. 


In All Her Gloria 
As Jeanie Boulet, the HIV-positive physician's assistant, actress 
GLORIA REUBEN puts an entirely different face on the epidem- 
ic every Thursday night on £R. Now that we've had a peek un- 
der her whites, we need medical attention ourselves. 


What's Up, Tigerlily? 
INATALIE MERCHANT is back in the studio 
working on a follow-up to Tigerlily, her first 


Solo album. She played some festival dates last 
spring and summer, but now Natalie is letting 
her songs do the talking. 


JUNK BONDING 


Matthew Labul, a co-founder of the In- 
ternational Junk Food of the Month 
Club, has a tasty offer. Join his club, and a 
combined box of candy, cake, cookies and 
chips from around the world will be de- 
livered to your door each month. “The 
planet's best" goodies include macada- 
mia-and-coconut-covered popcorn from 
the U.S. and hazelnut cakes from Italy. 
The price ranges from $20 for a one- 
pound, cight-ounce box to $40 for the 
“insanely deluxe" four-pound box. One- 
time gifts are also available. Call 888. 
SNACK-U4EA to sign on. 


BOX FULL OF MOONLIGHT 


“You аге my sun, my moon, my stars . . . ,” reads the card that accom- 
panies Heart's Desire, a romantic gift set to be given by men who аге 
into valentines, passion and one-stop shopping. The package includes 
3.3 ounces of Mezzaluna perfume by Jean Philippe Paris, the Worlds 
Away jazz CD or cassette, a shiny gold star-shaped candle, a white silk 
thong adorned with red hearts and a handmade heart-shaped pillow 
with a secret wish pocket—tor the key to a new Porsche, perhaps? Price: 
879. To order, call Bright Ideas at 888-LUv-4332. 


MAY THE HELMETS 
BE WITH YOU 


Star Wars fanatics who can't wait for a 
prequel can scratch their itch with the au- 
thentic miniature helmets of Darth Vader, 
C-3PO, Boba Fett, a stormtrooper and an 
X-wing pilot. Replicas of the movie origi- 
nals (at 45 percent scale) are mounted on 
a swivel display base and come with a cer- 
tificate of authenticity from Lucasfilm 
Ltd. Price: $70 to $95. Call 800-RIDDELL. 


IT’S NOT A DRAG 


The Smoking Life, Ilene Barth's witty survey of tobacco customs past and 
present, includes personal anecdotes, the all-time best movie smoking 
scenes, quotes from famous puflers, recipes for tobacco-based products, 
a list of "ncver-cvers" (people who avoided tobacco like the plague), а 
smoking time line, an ode to cigars and more. Barth confesses in her 
introduction (called “Would You Care to Join Ме?”), “I bought my first 
pack of Newports at 15,” and goes on to admit: “Celebrating smoking 
is a hard job, but someone’s got to do it—honestly.” And Пепе Barth 
170 does. Price: $29.95. Call 888-463-4461 


LEGENDS 
OF THE MALL 


Moniblänc 


Sicherheitsfüllhalter 


When you think classic, do 
you picture Mont Blanc pens, 
Louis Vuitton luggage and 
Harry Winston jewelry? Or is 
it more like Levi's jeans, 
Heinz ketchup and Louisville 
Sluggers? All of these objects 


mit ihm keine 


make the cut in Classics: The 
Best the World Has to Offer, by 
Mon Muellerschoen. The 
book features 250 photo- 
graphs and showcases 75 
items that have “transcended 
their original purpose and 
become icons of perfection.” 
Price: $30 in bookstores. 


NOW THAT’S A DRINK 


There are only 300 bottles of 
A. Hardy’s Perfection Cognac 
available, and for good rea- 
son. The unblended, pre- 
phylloxera colombard, dating 
to the mid-1800s, was aged in 
oak kegs and “set aside by 
Antony Hardy for what even- 
tually became his fifth gener- 
ation of grandchildren.” The 
limited-edition cognac comes 
in a genuine Daum French 
crystal decanter and costs 
$5000 per unit (750 milli- 
liters). That's about $50 

a sip. We suggest you sip it 
slowly. Very slowly. To order, 
call 847-698-9860 or 

write A. Hardy/USA at 

9501 West Devon Avenue, 
Rosemont, IL 60018. 


FOR SPEED 
RACERS ONLY 


Doak Ewing has turned an 
interest in sports nostalgia in- 
to Rare Sportsfilms, a compa- 
ny that restores historical 
sports films from the Forties 
through the Seventies. Ew- 
ing's latest endeavor is a col- 
lection of vintage Nascar rac- 
ing videos (made from the 
original 16-millimeter prints 
and featuring historical nar- 
ration, soundtrack and titles) 
that range from 195175 Day- 
tona to the Southern 500 at 
Darlington, South Carolina 
in 1978. Price: $24.95 each. 
Call 630-527-8890. 


PERVERSE VERSE 


It was only a matter of time before Magnetic 
Poetry, the tiny, word-imprinted magnets, got 
kinky. Invented in 1993, Mag-Po (as devotees 
call it) has spawned a slew of spinoffs, including 
Athletica (sports words) and Epicura (food 
terms). But our favorite is Erotica, which en- 
ables lusty lyricists to add squeeze, shudder, gyrate 
and penetrate to their lexicon. Price: $9.95. To 
order, call 800-370-7697. 


AT HOME AT THE MOVIES 


We give two thumbs-up to Theo Kalomirakis’ Pri- 
vate Theaters, a book that takes you inside 11 of 
the designer's custom-made home theaters. In- 
cluded is Bubble Hill, the Thirties-style screen- 
ing room in Eddie Murphy's home, and the 
Mayfair, a lavish Italian Renaissance-style the- 
ater he created for a New Jersey businessman. 
Written by Brett Anderson and photographed 
by Phillip Ennis, the tome shows interesting as- 
pects of each theater, such as full-scale mar- 
quees, ticket booths and fully stocked snack 
bars. Price: $50 at bookstores. 


BATHING BONANZA. 


NEXT MONTH 


CRITICS’ CHOICE 


PLAYBOY'S SPECIAL SWIMSUIT ISSUE—WITH NO SWIM- 
SUITS! THAT'S RIGHT, 12 PAGES OF BATHING BEAUTIES 
WITH NO DISTRACTIONS FROM TRENDY DESIGNERS. PLUS, 
THIS YEAR'S NUMBER ONE SAND STAR AND NEW BAY- 
WATCH BABE, MARLIECE ANDRADA 


THE TOUGHEST JOB IN NEW YORK-—IT'S THE ULTIMATE 
HIGH-PRESSURE JOB FOR THE COPS WHO NEGOTIATE 
WITH HOSTAGE TAKERS. WE GO BEHIND THE SCENES 
WITH NEW YORK CITY'S COP TALK TEAM—ARTICLE BY 
ED CONLON 


JOHN HOLMES-—THE WORLD'S MOST FAMOUS PORN 
STAR WAS THE REAL DIRK DIGGLER. LONG AFTER HE DIED 
OF AIDS, HIS LEGEND LIVES ON. CRAIG VETTER GOES 
DEEP IN A PLAYBOY PROFILE 


A GUY'S GUIDE TO DATING—LONG ON ROMANTIC 1М- 
PULSE BUT SHORT ON THE RIGHT MOVES? NOT TO WORRY. 
TWO SHREWD GUYS SHOW YOU HOW TO SEAL THE DEAL 
IN THEIR NEW BOOK—ARTICLE BY BRENDAN BABER AND 
ERIC SPITZNAGEL 


25 BEST RESTAURANTS PLAYBOY'S EXCLUSIVE POLL. 
THE NATION'S PREMIERE FOOD WRITERS, CRITICS AND 
RESTAURATEURS TELL YOU WHERE TO EAT AND WHY, 


FROM NEW YORK TO LOS ANGELES, FROM FISH TO FU- 
SION. DON'T MISS IT 


KEVIN KLINE—FROM А FISH CALLED WANDA TO IN & OUT, 
HE HAS CRACKED US UP FOR YEARS. IN THIS MONTH'S ІМ- 
TERVIEW THE OSCAR HOPEFUL FOR THE ICE STORM TALKS 
ABOUT WANDA МАМА AND HOLLYWOOD'S OBSESSION 
WITH OUTING 


KELLER'S LAST REFUGE—LIFE AS A PROFESSIONAL AS- 
SASSIN IS FULL OF SURPRISES, AS KELLER FINDS OUT 
WHEN HE TAKES UP WITH THE U.S. GOVERNMENT—NON- 
STOP FICTION BY LAWRENCE BLOCK 


TREND SPOTTING—GET A SNEAK PEAK AT WHAT THE DE- 
SIGNERS HAVE IN STORE WITH OUR EXCLUSIVE TOUR OF 
THE RUNWAYS. WE WANT YOU TO BE PREPARED FOR 
SPRING. AND BE SURE TO INVEST IN PLENTY OF BLUE 
SHIRTS—THEY RE HOT. FASHION BY HOLLIS WAYNE 


PLUS: 20 QUESTIONS WITH THE ULTIMATE CATALOG MAN 
JOHN PETERMAN, A TWISTED SELECTION OF CORK- 
SCREWS, HELMUT NEWTON’S PLAYMATE, A DANGEROUS 
TAKE ON POISON IVY STAR JAIME PRESSLY, FUTURISTIC 
WATCHES AND ANOTHER FABULOUS LOOK AT PLAYMATE 
ERIKA ELENIAK 


Hew can you make 


two months’ salary last forever? 


ган ооо damé, eive her the отоло Е Т 
The two months’ salary guideline helps you find a diamond of quality, brilliance and 
breath-taking beauty. For other tips on buying, and the 4Cs — cut, color, clarity and carat 
weight—consult your jeweler. Or call 1-800-FOREVER for a free diamond buying guide. 


www.adiamondisforever.com 


A diamond is forever. 
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