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JUNE 1998 • $4.95 


COLLECTOR'S SPECIAL 


The Babes 


Speed Thrills! Nascar Rules 
The Funny Girls of Saturday Night Live 
Mad About Paul Keiser Interview 

20 Questions With Yasir Arafat 

The Torrid History of Sex in 


the Sixties—Everybody Was Doing 2 2 


Great Ideas for Summer 
The Minidise Takeover 


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A war of lies. 
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PLAYBILL 


FAITHFUL SORTS will notice that June 1998 is not our Playmate 
of the Year issue, making it both a collectible and the answer 
to a future trivia question. The PMOY is headed your way in 
July, and we're making up for the big tease with a beachload 
of super Playmates in our best Baywatch pictorial ever. When 
we realized the show was about to air its 200th episode—that's 
almost 200 nights of PLAYBOY models on T V—we decided it 
was high tide for a celebration. Join our global cabana in Babes 
of Baywatch, as Pamela Anderson Lee, Marliece Andrada, Carmen 
Electra and other tanning beauties take to the shoreline and 
leave our hearts—and their swimsuits—in knots. 

For six years Mad About You has lived up to its title by 
capturing the joy and frustration of love. And for six years 
the series’ creator and star, Paul Reiser, has had to deal with 
comparisons to his show's juvenile big brother, Seinfeld. No 
more maybe. With Jerry and Co.'s departure, NBC is set to 
make Mad the undisputed champ of literate prime-time com- 
edy. In a Playboy Interview with David һен, Reiser is tough on 
himself for getting gooey with Kathie Lee over diapers, feels 
proud to hang with Bill and Hillary and says he would rather 
marry Helen Hunt than wrestle an alligator. Meanwhile, over 
at the Saturday Night Live snake pit, a trio of female comics 
grapple their way onto not-so-prime time. They are the fun- 
niest SNL women since Gilda Radner, Laraine Newman and 
Jane Curtin. In Funny Girls writer Lu Hanessian gets personal 
with Ana Gasteyer, Molly Shannon and Cheri Oteri, the wild and 
crazy gals whose impersonations include an erotic-cake-eating 
Martha Stewart, an armpit-sniffing schoolgirl and a bird- 
brained cheerleader. (Edie Boskin took the photo.) 

We can change the world. In fact, Palestine National Au- 
thority leader Yasir Arafat believes PLAYBOY played a part in the 
Middle East peace process. Arafat’s aides say his 1988 Pluybuy 
Interview with Morgan Strong attracted the goodwill of the Rea- 
gan administration and the Isracli public. Now, at another 
critical juncture for Palestine, Arafat chooses again to speak 
with Strong, the only guy who can bring pLaysoy magazines 
and videos through Arab customs. This month's 20 Questions 
with Arafat is an open letter from the world's hot spot. 

PLAYBOY has been a force in social politics, but never was its 
presence felt more than in the Sixties. It was then that the 
magazine fostered the flowering of sexual liberation. The new 
installment of The History of the Sexual Revolution by James R. Pe- 
tersen deals with the Pill, topless bars, the killer Bs (Bond, Bea- 
tles and Bunnies), feminism, acid, Vietnam, Masters and 
Johnson, gay rights, rock and roll and The Playboy Philosophy. 

Shifting gears, Nascar is racing through its 50th year with 
two asphalt cowboys vying for glory. The man in the black hat, 
Dale Earnhardt, is the old intimidator, and Jeff Gordon is the 
clean-cut kid in white. Grit versus chamois, kerosene versus 
milk. In Nascar Rules Geoffrey Norman tracks Earnhardt as he 
wins his first Daytona 500. The story is not about machines— 
it's about the men who drive them. The art is by Arnold Roth. 

Sharing fantasies with a lover isa fact of life and the subject 
of a new piece of fiction by the Peruvian master Mario Vargas 
Llosa. The Notebooks of Don Rigoberto is an excerpt from the 
book of the same title published by Farrar, Straus & Giroux. 
(It’s illustrated by Kent Williams.) June is the month to fantasize 
about gifts, and our Dads & Grads feature is full of ideas. (The 
photos are by James Imbrogno.) The real treats, as always, are 
in our pictorials. Frederica Spilman, a Navy air jock, spreads her 
wings in Fly Girl, and Playmate Maria Luisa Gil bids farewell to 
her homeland in Cuba Libre! 


STRONG, ARAFAT 


WILLIAMS IMBROGNO 


Playboy (ISSN 0032-1478), June 1998, volume 45, number 6. Published monthly by Playboy in national and regional editions, Playboy, 680 North 
Lake Shore Drive, Chicago, Illinois 60611. Periodicals postage paid at Chicago, Illinois and at additional mailing offices. Canada Post Canadian 


Publications Mail Sales Product Agreement No. 56162. Subscriptions: in the U. 


$29.97 for 12 issues. Postmaster: Send address change to 


Playboy, PO. Box 2007, Harlan, Iowa 51537-4007. For subscription-related questions, e-mail circ@ny.playboy.com. Editorial: edit@playboy.com. 5 


LL-NATURAL AROMATIC JUICES OF FRESH STRAWBERRIES. Ё 


ж 


PLAYBOY 


vol. 45, no. 6—june 1998 CONTENTS FOR THE MEN'S ENTERTAINMENT MAGAZINE 
IPLAYBILL о АН ans eee ЫТА ы УЫ DET СЕМ 5 
DEAR PLAYBOY 13 
PLAYBOY AFTER HOURS. 17 
MUSIC 7 20 
MOVIES .. BRUCE WILLIAMSON 22 
VIDEO 25 
TRAVEL 26 
WIRED 28 
BOOKS 30 
MONEY MATTERS CHRISTOPHER BYRON 32 
MEN ASA BABER 36 
THE PLAYBOY ADVISOR... 39 
THE PLAYBOY FORUM . a 
PLAYBOY INTERVIEW: PAUL REISER—condid conversotion . 51 
NASCAR RULES—orticle . GEOFFREY NORMAN — 66 
FLY GlRL—pictoriol ......................... 70 Sixties Party 
DADS & GRADS—gifts 78 
FUNNY GIRLS—persanclities .... ..AUHANESSIAN 82 
PLAYBOY'S HISTORY OF THE SEXUAL REVOLUTION 
PART VII (1960-1969): MAKE LOVE NOT WAR—article..... JAMES R. PETERSEN — 86 
THE UNDERGROUND COMICS... ees 152 
THE PEOPLE BEHIND THE PILL 168 
CUBA LIBRE!—playboy's playmate of the manth 94 
PARTY JOKES—humor ale pavers НЫЧ, 
SHAQ’S TRACKS—electronics BETH TOMKIW 108 
PLAYMATE REVISITED: ANNE RANDALL "ES 
THE NOTEBOOKS OF DON RIGOBERTO- fiction .. MARIO VARGAS LLOSA 116 
20 QUESTIONS: YASIR ARAFAT 118 
THE BABES OF BAYWATCH—pictorial 122 
PLAYMATE NEWS 179 
PLAYBOY ON THE SCENE 183 Racing's Rudest 


COVER STORY 


Help—we're drowning in a bevy of beautiful lifeguards. There's olways been о 
strong connection between Рілүвоү and Baywatch. This month we celebrate 
that magical link in a pictorial thot will send you overboard. Our cover god- 
desses are (clackwise from left) Danna D'Errico, Traci Bingham, Pam Anderson 
Lee, Yasmine Bleeth, Carmen Electra, Marliece Andrada, Erika Eleniok and 
Gena lee Nolin. Our Rabbit stands at the ready. Mouth-to-mouth, anyone? 


PRINTED IN USA. 


SURGEON GENERALS WARNING: Quitting Smoking 


Now Greatly Reduces Serious Risks to Your Health. 


16 mg “tar; 1.1 mg nicotine av. per cigarette by FTC method. 
© Philip Morris Inc. 1998. 


Come to where the flavor is. 
Come to Marlboro Country. 


PSLERZYZRIOTN 


10 


What do feminist 
leader Gloria Steinem, 
octress Lauren Hutton 
end author Kathryn 
Leigh Scott hove in common? They ell 
started as Playboy Bunries, those intre- 
pid, satin-eared pioneers of the sexual 
revolution. You'll be swept back into 25 
magiccl years of Playboy Clubs os you 
view provocative photos and read the 
intimate confessions ond backstage 
adventures af mare than 150 former 
Bunnies. 300 color and black-and- 
white photos. No nudity. Hardcover. 
6%" x 9%". 320 pages. 


ORDER TOLL-FREE 800-423-9494 
Mos! major credit cords occepied. 

ORDER BY MAIL Include credit card 
account number ard expiration date or send 
о check ar morey order to Playboy, PO, Box 
809, ері. B0159, Itasca, Illinois 60143- 
0809. 56.95 shipping-ond-handling charge 
per joto! order Ilinois residents include 
6.75% soles tox. 

¡Canadian orders accepted (no oher foreign 
orders). 61998 Ploybey 


VISIT THE PLAYBOY STORE AT WWW.PLAYBOY.COM/CATALOG 


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PLAYBOY 


HUGH M. HEFNER 
editor-in-chief 


ARTHUR KRETCHMER editorial director 
JONATHAN BLACK managing editor 
ТОМ STAEBLER art director 
GARY COLE photography director 
KEVIN BUCKLEY, STEPHEN RANDALL 
executive editors 
JOHN REZEK assistant managing editor 


EDITORIAL 

FICTION: ALICE K. TURNER editor, FORUM: 
JAMES R. PETERSEN senior staff writer; CHIP ROWE 
associale editor; MODERN LIVING: DAVID 
STEVENS editor; BETH TOMKIW associale editor; 
DAN HENLEY assistant; STAFF: BRUCE KLUGER, 
CHRISTOPHER NAPOLITANO senior editors; BAR. 
BARA NELLIS associate editor; ALISON LUNDGREN 
Junior editor; CAROL ACKERBERG, LINDA FEIDEL- 
SON. HELEN FRANGOULIS. TERRY GLOVER. CAROL 
KUBALEK, KATIE NORRIS, HARRIET PEASE, KELLI 
PHOX, JOYCE WIEGAND-BAVAS editorial assistants; 
FASHION: HOLLIS WAYNE director; JENNIFER 
KYAN JONES asst. editor; CARTOONS: MICHELLE 
urry editor; COPY: LEOPOLD FROEHLICH editor; 
ARLAN BUSHMAN, ANNE SHERMAN asst. editors; 
REMA SMITH Senior researcher; LEE BRAUER. 
GEORGE HODAK, LISA ROBBINS researchers; MARK 
DURAN research librarian; ANAHEED ALANI, TIM 
GALVIN. BRETT HUSTON, JOAN MCLAUGHLIN proof- 
readers; JOE CANE assistant; CONTRIBUTING 
EDITORS: ASA BABER, CHRISTOPHER BYRON, JOE 
DOLCE, CRETCHEN EDCREN, LAWRENCE CROBEL 
KEN GROSS (automotive), CYNTHIA HEIMEL, WARREN 
KALBACKER, D. KEITH MANO, JOE MORGENSTERN, 
REG POTTERTON, DAVID RENSIN, DAVID SHEFF 


ART 
KERIG POPE managing director; BRUCE HANSEN, 
(rt SUKI LEN WILLIS senior directors; SOLI 
ANDERSON asst. art director; ANN SEIDL supervisor, 
heyline/pasteup; FAUL CHAN Senior art assistant; 
JASON SINONS art assistant 


PHOTOGRAPHY 

MARILYN GRABOWSKI west coast editor; JIM LAR- 
SON, MICHAEL ANN SULLIVAN Senior editors; 
STEPHANIE, BARNETT, PATTY BEAUDET-FRAN 
KEVIN KUSTER associale edilors; DAVID CHAN. 
RICHARD FEGLEY, ARNY FREYTAG. RICHARD IZUL 
DAVID NECEY, BYRON NEWMAN, POMPEO POSAR, 
STEPHEN мау contributing photographers; 
GEORGE GEORGION studio manager—chicago; 
BILL WHITE studio manager—los angeles; 
SHELLEE WELLS stylist; ELIZABETH GEORGIOU photo 
archivist; GERALD SERN correspondent—paris 


RICHARD KINSLER publisher 


PRODUCTION 
MARIA MANDIS director: RITA JOHNSON manager; 
KATHERINE CAMPION, JODY JURGETO, RICHARD 
QUARTAROLI, TOM SINONEK associate managers; 
DARB TEKIELA, DEBBIE тилоо (урезейетз; BILL 
BENWAY. LISA COOK. SINNIE WILLIAMS prepress 


CIRCULATION 
LARRY A. DJERF newsstand sales director; PHYLLIS 
ROTUNNO subscription circulation director; CINDY 
RAKOWITZ Communications director 


ADVERTISING 
JAMES DIMONEKAS, eastern ad sales manager: JEFF 
KIMMEL, sales development manager; JOE HOFFER 
midwest ad sales manager; IRV KORNBLAU market- 
ing director; LISA NATALE research director 


READER SERVICE 
DA STROM, MIKE OSTROWSKI Correspondents 


ADMINISTRATIVE 
MARCIA TERRONES rights & permissions director 


PLAYBOY ENTERPRISES, INC. 
CHRISTIE HEFNER chairman, chief executive officer 


WE HATE OLD 


AND WE'VE BE 


http://www. budweiser.com 


BEERS, 


(©1908 ANHEUSER-BUSCH, INC., BREWERS OF BUDWEISER? BEER, ST. LOUIS, MD 


DSINCE 1876. 


D> Budweiser's been 
around long enough 
to learn a few things 
about what makes 
a great tasting beer. 
Like the basic truth 
that fresh beer 
tastes better. Which 
is why Budweiser 
developed the 
Born On” dating system, 
so you know your 
beer is fresh. 


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x dil FRESHNESS OF GINSENG 2 | 
CAPTURED IN A NEW ENERGIZING FRAGRANCE FOR MEN. 4 


DEAR PLAYBOY 


680 NORTH LAKE SHORE DRIVE 
CHICAGO, ILLINOIS 60611 
FAX 312-649-9534 
E-MAIL DEARPE@PLAYBOY.COM 
PLEASE INCLUDE YOUR DAYTIME PHONE NUMBER 


ACTING UP 
Kevin Kline (Playboy Interview, March) 
is a legend in his own mind and a 
blowhard. He whines about the bad 
breeding and crude manners of audi- 
ence members who dare eat Tic Tacs 
while he emotes onstage. Yet he doesn't 
care about filling the air with cigarette 
smoke in а nonsmoking hotel room: 
Jackie Ellering 
Cleveland, Ohio 


Kline comments on the general popu- 
lace's obsession with seeing celebrities 
become “real,” which translates into 
learning about their alcoholism, failed 
marriages and other woes. How delight- 
ful to discover that Kevin is a down-to- 
earth, normal guy. 


Gina Johnson 
Madison, Wisconsin 


Kline comes across as a fine, intelli- 
gent man who has little need to fill every 
sentence with four-letter words, unlike 
some of your recent Playboy Interview 
subjects. Although I applaud George 
Carlin's breakthrough in the use of pro- 
hibited words in the media, I'm tired of 
his trying to pass it off as hip humor. 
Thanks, Kevin, for not subjecting us 
to that. 


Richard Miller 
Ridgefield, Washington 


YOU CAN'T GO HOLMES AGAIN 
Congratulations to Craig Vetter for his 

insightful profile of John Holmes (The 
Real Dirk Diggler, March). One item that 
warrants correction, however, is the 
statement that Holmes made a single 
“gay movie,” 1983's The Private Pleasures 
of John C. Holmes. Over his career, he 
made others, 

Mike Larsen 

Palm Springs, California 


I want to thank Craig Vetter for the in- 
spiring article. The Eighties weren't kind 
to John Holmes, but a decade after his 


death, at least people know he wasn't 
a demon. 
Rocky Hanrahan 
Wilmington, Massachusetts 


PETERED OUT 
In his interview (20 Questions, March), 
John Peterman says that “about 70 per- 
cent of Seinfeld viewers don't know we're 
a real company.” 1 don't buy that figure. 
More people recognize him than he real- 
izes. The problem is that nobody cares 
what this catalog cowboy has to say. 
Sara Cunningham 
Los Angeles, California 


1 enjoyed 20 Questions with John Peter- 
man. Recently, my wife and I stumbled 
across the Auburn Cord Duesenburg 
Museum in Auburn, Indiana. From ıhe 
glow of the showroom chandeliers on 
waxed panels to the subdued neon aura 
of the vintage gas pumps, the muscum 
captures the romance of America's fasci- 
nation with the automobile. My congrat- 
ulations to Peterman on his choice of car, 
and a big thank-you to rı avaov for fea- 
turing the man and the car (in the ac- 
companying photograph). 

Kevin Tessner 
Kitchener, Ontario 


I nearly died laughing when | read 
Peterman’s quote “Every guy should 
have a winter coat with a cape on it.” A 
cape, for God's sake. It's even funnier 
when you say it out loud. 

Andrew Rapoport 
Washington, D.C. 


FINE DINING 

I've been a reader since 1985, when 1 
started college, and have been tempted 
to write to PLAYBOY many times. What 
compelled me to finally do it was your 
listing of the Herb Farm under “Region- 
al Favorites” in Critics’ Choice: The 25 Best 
Restaurants in America (March). You 
should know that the Herb Farm burned 
to the ground in a tragic fire last winter, 


PLAYBOY 


but 1 have heard that the owners have 
vowed to reopen it. 
Dan Schwartz 
Marysville, Washington 


I have dined at the Inn at Little Wash- 
ington, and while I was impressed, I 
compare that experience with one I had 
at Virginia’s only other five-star restau- 
rant—the Dining Room at Ford's Col- 
ony in Williamsburg. While the Dining 
Room doesn't have the Inn's history, the 
food is delicious, the portions are large 
and two people can dine for under $150 
(compared with $315 for dinner at the 
Inn). Those of us who are in the know 
will continue to enjoy this fabulous din- 
ing experience. 

Steve Guzizza 
Alexandria, Virginia 


You listed Coyote Café but forgot to 
include Santa Café in Santa Fe, New 
Mexico. I’ve been traveling to the South- 
west for more than ten years, and I can 
tell you that though the menus at these 
two restaurants are entirely different, 
Santa Café's food is superb, the crowd is 
always interesting and the decor is out of 
this world. The best part is that you can 
dine outside, which is a real treat for a 
New Englander. 

Dave Millstein 
Boxford, Massachusetts 


THE DATING GAME 
Brendan Baber and Eric Spitznagel 
miss the mark on two counts in A Guys 
Guide to Dating (March). First of all, wom- 
en detest listening to a man we've just 
met ramble on and on about himself. 
Every woman 1 know has dropped a guy 
for doing this. Second, nothing is a big- 
ger turn-on than debating with a guy 
on the first date. Controversial subjects 
make the juices flow. 
Buck Johnston 
Dallas, Texas 


LOVE AND HAPPINESS 
I have been a subscriber for more than 
25 years, and this is my first letter. Cyn- 
thia Heimel's “Fear and Loathing in the 
Bedroom” (Women, March) made me 
sad. I would like her to know that there 
are millions of men in the world who 
love and respect women and don't phys- 
ically or mentally abuse them. I'd also 
like to remind Cynthia that there are 
women who break the hearts of decent, 
caring men and fall for dangerous guys 
with dubious backgrounds. Love, pain 
and happiness are always present in life, 
but every day should be an adventure. I 
wish Cynthia the best. 
Dr. А.С. Laguerre 
East Lansing, Michigan 


Heimel needs a real-life cure-all: com- 
munication. She is an example of paraly- 


sis by analysis. It's no wonder she's es- 
tranged from her husband. 
Nick Sabatini 
Feasterville, Pennsylvania 


DREAM WEAVER 
Thank you for the photo of Sigourney 
Weaver in the March Grapevine. I also 
like your caption about designers en- 
couraging beautiful women to wear see- 
through fabrics. Sigourney gets better 
looking every year. Grapevine is the first 
place Tlook when I receive each issue, so 
please keep those sexy shots coming. 
Glenn Porter 
San Antonio, Texas 


IT'S IN THE STARS 
Under the heading “Playmate 101: 
Birthday Bashes" in Playmate News 
(March), you note that six Playmates 
share a birthday on May 28 and another 
six on December 13. I simulated the 
Playmate sample on my computer by 
running 64,800 trials and found a 70.3 
percent probability that six Playmates 
would share a common birthday. That 
corresponds to a probability of 49.4 per- 
cent that another six Playmates would 
share a different birthday. My conclu- 
sion is that we don't need astrology to 
explain this coincidence. The answer is 
based on statistics. 
Harry Murphy 
Albuquerque, New Mexico 


[RST GO SKY 


IVING. 


THEN JUMP ON YOUR 


PRESSING ON 
Jaime Pressly (March) can hitchhike 
on my street anytime. I was happy to 
read that she has a three-picture deal 
with New Line Cinema. Even if all she 
does in movies is hitchhike in the nude, 
hey, I'm there. 
Scout Forbes 
Reisterstown, Maryland 


WORTH THE WAIT 
I'm a 22-year-old student. I had al- 
ways wanted to subscribe to PLAYBOY but 
was never able to because I lived with my 
parents. I have moved out and now sub- 
scribe. I thought 1 wanted it only for the 
beautiful women, but I've realized that 
the articles are an attraction, too. My on- 
ly problem is that 1 finish reading the 
magazine in two days and can't wait for 
the next issue. 
Mark Jones 
Jackson, Mississippi 


LISSOME LIFEGUARD 
I'm a freshman at Creighton Universi- 
ty in Nebraska, but I wish I were drown- 
ing in the Baywatch waters so that Mar- 
liece Andrada (Baywatch Rookie, March) 
could rescue me. This is the first issue of 
my subscription. If every issue is this 
good, I'd like to know the cost of a life- 
time subscription. 
Dion Adanich 
Omaha, Nebraska 


How do you top the March cover of 
Marliece Andrada, unless you plan to 
publish new photos of her indefinitely? 

Ted Webb 
Fanning Springs, Florida 


When I read in the February issue that 
Marliece Andrada would appear in 
March, I knew I was in for a long month. 


"Thanks for making it worthwhile. 


Brian Lombard 
Gaithersburg, Maryland 


Marliece is the hottest lifeguard on 
any beach. 
Phillip Williams 
Charlotte, North Carolina 


SEX IN THE FIFTIES 
James R. Fetersen's History of the Sexu- 
al Revolution Part VI: Something Cool (1950— 
1959) in the February issuc describes 
perfectly the silliness and the repressive- 
ness of that era, as well as how Jack Ker- 
ouac's prose and Elvis’ music set the 
stage for the explosion of the Sixties. He 
is also right about how important PL AYROY 
isin the cultural history of that time. 
Michael Carson 
Sacramento, California 


Beats, blues clubs, bobby-soxers and 
baby boomers—it almost makes you for- 
get the ugly stuff. But not quite, thanks 
to PLAYBOY. 

Marilyn Ward 
Buffalo, New York 


SCHOOL DAZE 
We thought you should know that the 
male students at the University of East 
Carolina are huge гілүвоу fans. After 
the long, cold walks to our dorms, your 
pictorials keep us warm. 
TJ. Nelson 
Greenville, North Carolina 


men Dr 


If you're agonizing over 
how to get your adrenaline 
fix, weekends can seem pain- 
fully limiting. Оп the other soup THINKING FOR A LIQUID WORD 
hand, weekends seem remarkably liberating, if 
you choose to spend them skimming across the 
open water atop a machine with as much horse- 
power as a small sports car. 

It's also a nice added bonus when the people 
bringing you the fun have been building marine 
engines over three times longer than any of the 
competition. And build engines reliable enough 
to run at wide-open throttle for hundreds of 
hours nonstop. Which is probably why Yamaha is 
chosen almost exclusively by rental companies 
and search and rescue units for dependability. 7 

Yeah, it’s okay that your playtime is reserved 
for just one sport. As long as that sport involves 
racing across a nice, long stretch of the liquid 
world. For a brochure or a dealer near you, call 
1-800-88-YAMAHA. If you're near a computer visit 
yamaha-motor.com. 
©1598 Yamaha Motor Corporation, USA. Smart boats deserve smart riders. Follow al instructional materials ard local and federal laws. Always 


wear recommended protective apparel. Ride within your capabilites allowing extra tima and distance for maneuvering. Always ride in а responsible 
manner, respecting the environment and others around уди. Don't drink and ride. 


VAMAHA 


Full instrumentation with 
PADLOG Programmable 
Digital Locking Ignition. 


GP™ 1200 


Padded mounting platform 
makes it easier to get aboard. 


1898 CAMEL ROADHOUSE 


75TH LACONIA RALLY & RACE WEEK JUNE 12-21 
ROUTE 3 - WEIRS SEACH (NEXT TO THE LOSSTER POUND) 


1998 CAMEL CUSTOM SIKES А BIKER ART EXHIBIT 
LIVE SANDS CAMEL CASH & SOUVENIR SALES 


© 1998 R.J. REYNOLDS TOBACCO CO. 


SURGEON GENERAL'S WARNING: Cigarette 
Smoke Contains Carbon Monoxide. 


PARTICIPATION RESTRICTED TO 
PERSONS 21 YEARS OF AGE OR OLDER. 


PLAYBOY AFTER HOURS 


VAULT OF THE LIVING DEAD 


Now more a corporation than a band, 
the Grateful Dead has announced plans 
for a Deadhead theme park in San Fran- 
cisco, complete with amusement rides, 
concert hall and museum. Bob Gre 
weiner, senior editor of the concert in- 
dustry magazine Performance, speculates 
that the Terrapin Station complex will 
outdraw the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. 
“Hopefully they'll have smoke alarms 
in the bathrooms and the staircases,” 
Grossweiner told The New York Times. Ap- 
parently, mere smoke alarms are inade- 
quate for the band's needs. The Dead 
has a tape archive (2300 concerts plus 
studio sessions) protected in a ware- 
house. In the event of a fire, air will be 
sucked out of the vault. Anyone inside 
will suffocate, but the music will go on— 
sort of like a typical Dead show. 


COLOMBIAN BLEND 


Thanks to new legislation from the 
Colombian senate, jailed drug kingpins 
and corrupt cops in stir are eligible for 
up to 60 days of vacation a year. In a not- 
so-unrelated story, it was reported that 
Colombia's president Ernesto Samper 
has been accused of accepting around 
$6 million in campaign contributions 
from jailed Cali cartel bosses. 


SUPER SOAKER 


According to New Scientist magazine, 
he long search for a fire-fighting chem- 
ical that does not damage the ozone lay- 
er has finally led to water.” After more 
than 100 tests at the Norwegian Fire Re- 
search Laboratory in 1996, good old 
H,O was found to be a "suitable substi- 
tute for ozone-destroying halons.” How- 
ever, the findings haven't deterred 
chemical companies in their search for 
new artificial extinguishers. Water, it 
seems, has one small problem: It's hard 
to sell. 


THE ARGOTNAUTS 


Coming to a dictionary near you: 
Booklist, a publication of the American 
Library Association, collected phrases 


that have entered the vernacular of of- 
fice workers. Among them: Blemestorm- 
ing—when a group gathers to discuss 
why a project failed and who was at fault. 
Ego surfing—when you scan the Net or 
Nexis for references to your name. 
Mouse potato—a wired couch potato. Кеу- 
board plaque—the gunk, crumbs and dust 
that build up on and in your computer's 
keyboard. Gray matter—older managers 
hired by start-up companies that need to 
establish responsible business practices. 
Workers of all ages can relate to the best 
new entry: Salmon day when you spend 
a long, hard day swimming upstream 
only to get screwed in the end 


MALPRACTICE MALAPROPISMS 


Our friend Richard Lederer, a linguist 
with an ear for tangled language, is at it 
again. This time he’s selected statements 
‘om the testimony of doctors and pub- 
lished them in the Journal of Court Re- 
porting. We quote: “By the time he was 
admitted, his rapid heart had stopped 
and he was feeling better.” “Patient states 
there is a burning pain in his penis, 
which goes to his feet.” “On the second 
day the knee was better and on the third 


ILLUSTRATION BY GARY KELLEY 


day it had completely disappeared.” 
tient has been depressed ever since she 
began seeing me in 1983.” “Patient re- 
fused an autopsy.” “Patient has left his 
white blood cells at another hospital.” 
‘The kicker: “She slipped on the ice and 
apparently her legs went in separate di- 
rections in early December.” 


ER? 


During her rotation at a clinic for sex- 
ually transmitted diseases, New Jersey 
medical student Samantha Leib noticed 
something unusual in the waiting room. 
“There were five good-looking guys sit- 
ting together,” writes Leib in the British 
journal Sexual and Marital Therapy. Curi- 
‘ous, she asked the clinic receptionist for 
details. Turns out the five had been at a 
bachelor party a few nights earlier and 
all had contracted oral gonorrhea after 
performing cunnilingus on a stripper. 
(The lucky groom had abstained.) “It 
was at this moment that I was reminded 
of the cardinal rule,” observed Leib. “An 
STD clinic is not the ideal location to 


meet men. 


THE PEN 1S MIGHTIER 
THAN STATE JAIL 


Although it is by definition a narrow- 
market publication, we expect healthy 
sales for the new book by convicted em- 
bezzler Ronald TerMeer, Doing Feder 
al Time: A Handbook for Businessmen Who 
Are Facing Federal White Collar Criminal 
Charges. After all, its target audience is 


literate, affluent and has no intention of 


becoming a trophy wife. 


BANANAGRAM 


At the height of the Tailgate scandal, a 
loyal reader of the San Francisco Chronicle 
came up with the following anagram for 
Monica Lewinsky: 1 lick man: News! Oy! 


WINDOWS FOR DUMMIES 


The trustees of Amherst, Ohio want 
Matthew Bailey to do something about 
the naked mannequins in his store win- 
dow. Never mind that the mannequins, 
which are department store castofls, are 


17 


RAW 


DATA 


SIGNIFICA, INSIGNIFICA, STATS AND FACTS 


| QUOTE 

“I am the most 
qualified person to 
hosta talk show. Гуе 
got five kids by three 
men. I came from a 
trailer park where I 
was a Jew passing as 
a Mormon in Salt 
Lake City. My broth- 
er and sister are ho- 
mosexuals and my 
younger sister is a 
recovering anorexic. 
I was reunited with 
my long-lost daugh- 
ter, whom I gave up 
for adoption and 
who was found by 
The National En- 
quirer. 1 ат a woman 
who has multiple 
personalities, several 
ot whom don't even 
know they're famous!"—ROSEANNE 


CALLING MARCIA CLARK 

| According to a study at Georgia 
State University, percentage by which 
testosterone levels among trial 
lawyers exceed levels in nont 
| lawyers: 30. 


SLASH AND EARN 

Number of permanent staff cuts 
announced by U.S. companies in 
1996: 477,147. Number of people 
laid off in 1989: 111,285. Total num- 
ber of employees laid off at three 
companies by Al “Chainsaw” Dunlap, 
chief executive of Sunbeam: 22,000. 


TOKEN SUPPORT 
Percentage of college freshmen 
who supported the legalization of 
marijuana in 1989: 17. Percentage in 
1997: 35. 


RINGING UP BABY 
According to the Department of 
Agriculture, the cost of raising a child 
until the age of 17: $149,820. 


BANK ON IT 
Number of bank robberies in the 
U.S. in 1996: 7562. Percentage of 
bank robbers arrested: 75. Of those 
arrested, percentage who were con- 


FACT OF THE MONTH 
At any given time during 
the day, there are an average 
of 150,000 people airborne 
over the U.S. 


victed: 99. Percent- 
age of bank robbers 
who are women: 4. 


ALL BETS 
ARE ONLINE 

Number of gam- 
bling companies on 
the Internet: 100. 
Number of people 
who use Internet 
gambling sites: 56 
million. 


FAIR GAME 
Number of deer in 
Ohio: 500,000. Num- 
ber of hunting li- 
censes issued in 
Ohio: 500,000. 


FAIR GAME, PART II 
Total number of 
votes cast in balloting 
for the National Basketball Associa- 
tion All-Star game: 3.3 million. Num- 
ber of votes cast for Ken Griffey Jr. in 
balloting for Major League Bascball's 
All-Star game last year: 3.5 million. 


POUND FOR POUND 

Pounds of beef consumed per 
American in 1976: 89. Pounds of beef 
consumed per person in 1996: 64. 
Per capita consumption of chicken in 
1976, in pounds: 29. In 1996: 51. 
Pounds of pork consumed by average 
American in 1976: 40. In 1996: 46. 


GENERAL PATENT 

Number of patents received in 
1997 by IBM, the company with the 
most patents granted last year: 1742. 
Number of consecutive years IBM 
has held the title: 5. Number of 
patents received by runner-up 
Canon: 1381. Number received by 
NEC: 1101. By Motorola: 1065. 


CAR WARS 

Proportion of U.S. car sales ac- 
counted for by Big Three carmakers: 
7 of 10. Proportion accounted for by 
Japanese carmakers: | in 4. By Euro- 
pean carmakers: 1 in 25. Percentage 
of new car transactions that were leas- 
es in 1984: 3. Percentage leased in 
1997: 33. — PAUL ENGLEMAN 


what the store sells. “One trustee asked 
me to dress them,” Bailey says. “People 
will think this is a clothing store.” The 
mannequins are anatomically sanitized 
and have no genitalia. Same goes for 
Amherst trustees. 


HOOSEGOW HOPS 


The first new beer to be produced 
by Big House Brewing in Walla Walla, 
Washington in 50 years will pay homage 
to the city’s leading industry, the state 
prison. The label on Penitentiary Porter 
will depict prison walls, a guard tower 
and guard and the motto THE ESCAPE 
YOU'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR. 


ANIMAL HUSBANDRY 


Used to be that an unfaithful guy 
could take refuge in the polygamous an- 
imal kingdom. No more, if prudish ani- 
mal rights protesters in Thailand have 
their way, The Sa Kae Zoo recently an- 
nounced that an orangutan who has 
been sexually neglected by the mother 
of his first offspring will not be permitted 
to impregnate another female on the 
grounds that it would be adultery. 


THE ART OF THE HEEL 


Artist Vanessa Beecroft kept a diary 
for eight years of everything she ate. 
However, it’s her work with live models 
that has the English art scene buzzing 
and which led to commissions for prc 
jects this year in the States, Dazed, a U.K. 
art magazine, warns that Vanessa “hates 
being associated with performance art 
because of its demonstrative and exhibi- 
tionist tendencies.” Oh, so that's why, at 
a recent event, she had a group of bare- 
assed women walk around clad only in 
short gray sweaters, extralong false nails 
and gray Prada heels. Be that as it may, 
we think it's always an event when you 
take your sweater puppies out for 
a walk. 


LOGROLLING, THAMES STYLE 


According to Outside magazine, a Lon- 
don canoeing club has defied authorities 
who recently banned the group from 
paddling a portion of the Thames. In 
protest, the 30 members of Canoeists 
With Attitude have taken to cruising sec- 
tions of the city's 19th century sewer sys- 
tem at night. Apparently that's when 
Londoners who are flushing the remains 
of the day are done. 


SNOW FLAKES 


An Englewood, Colorado sportsman 
was recently charged with beating a fel- 
low mountain climber over the head 
with an ice ax. He even bit the other 
man. The assault occurred at the top ofa 
frozen waterfall the duo had just sum- 
mited. What was the fight about? Climb- 
ing etiquette, of course. 


WHEN YOU'VE GUT A FINE CIGAR IN DNE HAND, YOU DON'T WANT AN ORDINARY BEER IN THE OTHER. 
You deserve the smooth, rich taste of MICHELOB. 


20 


ROCK 


INDIE ROCKER Mary Lou Lord has moved 
from an alterna-rock label to a major 
and made a folk-rock album with tunes 
primarily written by other writers. 
That's a long reach for someone who 
started out singing in the Boston subway. 
But Got No Shadow (Work) is an artistic 
coup. Lord sings sweet but thinks tough, 
and this album is a personal statement 
even though she wrote only half the 
songs. She sounds fragile and reedy, but 
her producers treat her like a funky Ce- 
line Dion. 

What is it about heavy metal's trans- 
gressions against good taste that delight 
me so? The 16 tracks on The Best of Judas 
Priest: Living After Midnight (Columbia/ 
Legacy) make plain why this is one of the 
most revered metal bands. The bottom 
line is K.K. Downing's and Glenn Tip- 
ton's twin guitar leads and the shrieking 
lead vocals of Rob Halford, but there's 
more. The songs have unusual melodic 
structures and powerful rhythmic pro- 
pulsion. Priest explores the boundaries 
where metal meets punk and thrash, 
and even the murky alley where it en- 
gages the blues. 

I can't think of two young writer-per- 
formers I admire more than Alejandro 
Escovedo and Dan Bern. Bern seems 
like a complete jokester. His second al- 
bum, Fifty Eggs (Work), opens with Tiger 
Woods. The lyrics to that song declare, 
“Гуе got balls, big balls,” which is fun- 
ny—especially when you realize his pro- 
ducer is Ani DiFranco. The title track of 
Escovedo's More Miles Than Money: Live 
1994-96 (Bloodshot) features his voice 
and a cello, which set the mournful tone. 
But Escovedo is capable of being musi- 
cally mercurial, and does a razor-wire 
version of the Stooges’ I Wanna Be Your 
Dog. Similarly, Bern, on Oh Sister, can't 
stop himself from mentioning his sister's 
tits. Still, it's a heartfelt tribute to sibling 
fidelity. —DAVE MARSH 


Acoustic versus electric, electric versus 
techno, analog versus digital, guitar ver- 
sus synthesizer—you can debate them 
all. But the musicians who make good 
music are the ones who stick forks in 
their eyes, And that’s how members of 
Rammstein depict themselves on the 
cover of Sehnsucht (Slash). On the album 
itself, singer Till Lindemann reveals the 
lowest voice in rock and roll since that 
guy who sang bass in the Goasters. Lin- 
demann also sings in German, and he 
sounds so incredibly sinister, you might 
assume he's singing about invading 
Poland. Based on the two songs that Lin- 
demann sings in English, 1 can say such 
an assumption would be wrong. He 
sings about death and metaphysical dis- 
tress. If you think that sounds like Amer- 


Lord's Got No Shadow. 


Sweet Lord, Izzy swaggers 
and swings and the Queen 
of Soul still reigns. 


ican metal bands, 1 say nein! Rammstein 
makes Metallica look like pussies. With 
its insane unison riffing, relentless 
rhythm-section drive and spare but 
bizarre sampling, Rammstein is also a lot 
more musical and imaginative than 
Metallica. Just hide the forks. 

— CHARLES M. YOUNG 


Axl Rose and Slash were the flashy 
front men of Guns n' Roses, but rhythm 
guitarist Izzy Stradlin was the heart- 
beat. His second solo album, 117? (Gef- 
fen), with ex-Georgia Satellites guitarist 
Rick Richards, is the closest you'll get to 
the Gunners' original ragged, punk- 
metal glory. Both Izzy and Kick are disci- 
ples of the Keith Richards school of 
swagger and swing. Ain' It a Bitch is the 
song you desperately wanted to hear on 
the latest Stones album. But like Keith, 
Izzy's weakness is his vocals. His weath- 
ered voice lacks force. If he can beef it 
up, he could turn a damned good band 
into a great one. —VIC GARBARINI 


In these days of novelty one-shots, the 
many casual fans who grew to love Tub- 
thumping and Walkin’ on the Sun might 
not expect much from Chumbawam- 
ba's Tubthumper (Republic/Universal) and 
Smash Mouth's Fush Yu Mang (Inter- 
scope). But they'd be wrong. In their 
dissimilar ways, both albums are brash 
and busy, tuneful and verbal with sur- 
prises as much fun as the singles but less 
addictive. — ROBERT CHRISTGAU 


R&B 


Aretha Franklin's A Rose fs Still a Rose 
(Arista) shows that the Queen of Soul's 
voice still soars. A crew of current hit- 
makers (including Puffy Combs and the 
Fugees' Lauryn Hill) take turns working 
with her majestic voice. For the most 
part, Aretha 1998 works. My favorites 
are the midtempo love song In Case You 
Forgot, on which she gives a wonderful 
performance, and the slick dance track 
Here We Go Again. —NELSON GEORGE 


POP 
The most exciting new producer in 
black pop is Timbaland, who in the last 
two years has crafted innovative hits for 


^ Ginuwine, Aaliyah and Total. Missy El- 


liott is his Virginia neighbor and collab- 
orator who adds her humor to a pro- 
duction sound heavily influenced by 
Britain's drum-and-bass music. By fus- 
ing fresh rhythms onto a hip-hop sensi- 
bility, Timbaland has made a distinctive 
contribution to Nineties music. His Wel- 
come to Our World (Atlantic), recorded 
with rapper Magoo, is vibrant, playful 
and surprisingly complex. Voices, key- 
boards and, of course, beats are cleverly 
arranged throughout the album's 18 
cuts. I highly recommend Up Jumps Da’ 
Boogie, 15 After Da’ Hour and both ver- 
sions of Luv 2 Luv U. —NELSON GEORGE 


In 1993, when a bunch of famous 
artists underwrote Victoria ams” 
medical treatments with the tribute al- 
bum Sweet Relief, the results of their sup- 
port transformed an eccentric singer- 
songwriter into a full-service musician. 
Оп 1994's Loose and the new Musings of a 
Creekdipper (Atlantic), Williams’ quavery 
voice and song structures are as fragile 
as ever. While Loose has the more forth- 
right tunes, the melodies on Creekdipper 
are quieter, and the subtlety of the latter 
project renders its pleasures deeper in 
the end. — ROBERT CHRISTGAU 


COUNTRY 


The music of Johnny Dowd comes 
from a dark corner of the heart. At the 
age of 49, the singer-songwriter has re- 
leased his first record, Wrong Side of Mem- 
phis (Checkered Past Records, 3940 N. 
Francisco, Chicago, IL 60618). It's a 
chilling, get-right-with-God collection of. 
15 songs about murder, sin and salva- 
tion. He mixes a rural blues drawl with 
stark Hank Williams idioms and doesn't 
mince words. Dowd also has a deep ap- 
preciation of the absurd, as in First There 
Was, a song about an unemployed man 
who wears a ski mask and Beatle boots, 
then blows away everyone in a feed 


КЕМШ 


Іуіп Klein 


au de toilette 


ETERNITY 


formen 


ETERNITY 


Especially for Father's Day, 
a $92.00 value 
is yours for only $60.00 
from the ETERNITY for men 


fragrance collection. 


> while quantities lost 


store. This is superb stuff, but not for the 
squeamish. --ВАУЕ HOEKSTRA 


JAZZ 


Giant Steps shows the most influential 
tenor player of all time—John Col- 
trane—at the height of his power. The 
new deluxe edition by Rhino includes 
fascinating outtakes and pristine remas- 
tering. Coltrane plays ferociously and 
tenderly on the seven original tracks. On 
Naima he constructs the most transcen- 
dent ballad of his career over a series of 
pedal tones. This is the album on which 
Coltrane combines Thelonious Monk’s 
sense of harmonic adventure with Char- 
lie Parker's quicksilver runs, adding his 
own incredibly sweet, otherworldly tone. 
Giant Steps contains eight full outtakes: 
from these sessions, including three dy- 
namic extra versions of the title tune and 
two additional renditions of Naima that 
are in the same ballpark as the originals. 

— VIC GARBARINI 


With the addition of sax player Wayne 
Shorter in 1964, Miles Davis finished as- 
sembling the greatest jazz band of the 
Sixties. On such classic albums as Miles 
Smiles and Nefertiti, the band epitomized 
the leading edge of progressive jazz. Af- 
ter that, Davis began experimenting 
with electric instruments, looser song 
structures and contemporary rhythms in 
what would suun erupt as fusion. The 
Miles Davis Quintet's Complete Columbia Stu- 
dio Recordings (Columbia/Legacy), a six- 
CD set, pulls together all the music from 
seven LPs made between 1965 and 1968, 
plus 13 newly released tracks. These 
CDs present a detailed picture of jazz’ 
radical tr: ion and a glowing testa- 
ment to Miles genius. — —NEILTESSER 


CLASSICAL 


One of the great tenors of this century 
didn't come from the Mediterranean. 
Born to a musical family in Sweden in 
1911, Jussi Bjórling achieved extraordi- 
nary acclaim for his remarkably pure but 
expressive voice. Jussi Bjérling Edition: Stu- 
dio Recordings 1930-1959 (EMI Classics) is 
a flawlessly remastered four-CD set of 
arias, songs and lieder. In this age of 
overblown tenors, Bjórling's intelligence 
and control remind us that vocal power 
isn't incompatible with style or taste. 

Ruth Crawford Seeger (1901-1953) 
was a ruthless modernist. One of the first 
female composers to influence American 
music, she was decades ahead of her 
time. With Portrait (Deutsche Gram- 
mophon), we finally have a compelling 
collection of this original composer's 
oeuvre. During the Thirties, Crawford 
Seeger (who was Pete Seeger's stepmoth- 
er) compiled folk songs. But her earlier, 
atonal work still sounds brilliantly taut 
and vibrant today. —LEOPOLD FROEHLICH 


FAST TRACKS 


Garbarini 
John Coltrane 
Giant Steps y 10 9 10 9 
8 Th 8 7 

Rommstein 
Sehnsucht 3 4 5 4 9 
Timbolond 
Welcome to Our 

World 9 4 8 6 4 
Victorio Williams 
Creekdipper 9 7] 5 7 


IT'S SEPTEMBER IN GERMANY DEPART- 
MENT: Far better than Flvis soap-on-a- 
rope is the King's Germany. Septem- 
ber 25-27, for $1989 a person, fans 
will get a guided tour ofthe two towns 
where Elvis was stationed, plus a 
cruise and visits to his barracks and 
the location for his movie G.I. Blues. 
Load up on some fried banana-and- 
peanut butter box lunches. 

REELING AND ROCKING: Sou/ Food di- 
rector George Tillman is trying to get 
the rights to the Marvin Gaye story, 
which he plans to direct. . . . Garth 
Brooks and Babyface are talking about 
doing a movie and soundtrack togeth- 


ег... . Lisa Stansfield plays a singer in a 
swing band in Swing, her first mov- 
ie. . _, Madonna reportedly has anoth- 


er film lined up. In The Red Door, 
she'll play a woman who reconciles 
with her estranged brother after he is 
told he has AIDS. . . . The West Coast 
punk scene is examined in another 
documentary, Rage 78:98, which will 
feature archival and new footage of X, 
the Circle Jerks, Black Flag and the Dead 
Kennedys, among others. ... Do You 
Wanna Funk?, a documentary about 
disco singer Sylvester, is in the works. 
NEWSBREAKS: The Guinness Fleadh 
was so successful last summer at New 
York’s Randalls Island that the two- 
day festival with an Trish twist will re- 
peat in New York Junc 13 and 14, 
then go on the road to Chicago and 
the Bay Area later in the month. Some 
of the acts expected to perform at one 
site or another include Van Morrison, 
Sinead O'Connor, Nanci Griffith, John Lee 
Hooker, Los Lobos and Richard Thomp- 
son. . . . Ray Dovies has overseen the re- 
mastering and reissue of 15 Kinks al- 
bums and released the first two in 
April. Preservation Act I and Act II will 
be out in June, with bonus tracks, ex- 
panded liner notes and archival pho- 


tos, on your choice of vinyl, cassette or 
CD.... Right about now Las Vegas’ 
first international music conference, 
Eat 'M. is taking place. Aside from the 
usual conference fare—panels, lec- 
tures, mentoring sessions—there will 
be 150 showcase performances. Gladys 
Knight will receive a lifetime achieve- 
ment award. . . . The CD from last 
summer's Lilith Fair was just released. 
It features performances by the Indigo 
Girls, Suzanne Vega, Paula Cole, Tracy 
Chapman and Sarah Mclachlan. . . . Cher 
will host a CBS TV special about her 
career and life with Sonny Bono. . . . 
"The largest free-admission blues fest 
in the world, the Chicago Blues Festi- 
val, will take place June 4-7 along 
Lake Michigan in Grant Park... .. The 
20th Annual Playboy Jazz Festival 
dates are June 13 and 14, at the Hol- 
lywood Bowl. Performers include 
Wynton Marsalis, Dee Dee Bridgewater, 
King Sunny Ade and Arturo Sandoval, 
with Bill Cosby as MC again. . . . Ray 
Charles received the Polar Music Prize 
and $125,000 from Swedish ki 
Gustaf XVI. The prize was establi: 
by Abba's manager Stig Anderson. 
David Bowie is working on two new ar 
bums in New York. He plans to throw 
himself another big birthday bash 
outdoors this summer to benefit Save 
the Children. . . . Jonny Long is record- 
ing a follow-up to Lie to Me that will 
include more original tunes. . . . A 
Lou Harris poll asked the first college 
class of the millennium who will be 
around, like the Stones are now, in 30 
years. The Deve Matthews Band and 
Boyz Il Men tied for first place. .. . Last- 
ly, what would Jerry say? Grateful Dead 
plates with certificates of authenticity 
are now available from the Hamilton 
Collection. Everyone knows that hip- 
pies used paper plates. 

—BARBARA NELLIS 


21 


MOVIES 


By BRUCE WILLIAMSON 


ENGLAND'S Stephen Fry brings a kind of 
defensive bravura to his title role in Wilde 
(Sony Classics). Already a hit in London, 
the movie depicts the decline and fall of 
the 19th century playwright accused of 
homosexual conduct. An unsuccessful li- 
bel suit against the Marquess of Queens- 
berry (Tom Wilkinson) starts the wheels 
of justice grinding when Queensberry 
publicly insults Oscar Wilde to thwart his 
son Alfred Douglas’ relationship with the 
author. Jude Law all but steals the movie 
as young Douglas, a handsome, Oxford- 
educated homosexual whose hatred for 
his father turns out to be Wilde's undo- 
ing. Vanessa Redgrave, as Wilde's doting 
mother, and Jennifer Ehle as his inordi- 
nately patient wife (also the mother of 
his two children) are the distaff side of a 
splendid supporting cast. Michacl Sheen 
also scores as Ross, the houseguest who 
first seduces Wilde and makes him 
aware of his sexual orientation. ector 
Brian Gilbert spells it all out, using Ju- 
lian Mitchell's compassionate screen- 
play adapted from the Wilde biography 
by Richard Ellmann. The movie cov- 
ers events leading up to the trial that ex- 
posed Wilde and Douglas’ encounters 
with “rent boys” hired for their illicit 
pleasure. The movie is a telling portrait 
ofa flamboyant, unapologetic genius de- 
stroyed by social hypocrisy. ¥¥¥ 


The troubled heroine of A Price Above 
Rubies (Miramax) is an Orthodox Jewish 
girl named Sonia (Renée Zellweger) who 
is married to Mendel (Glenn Fitzgerald), 
a devout religious scholar and teacher. 
Sonia has no outlet for her sexuality or 
individuality and can't play the part of 
anacceptable Jewish wife (the gem of or- 
thodoxy to which the title refers). Her 
rebellion drives her into a clandestine af- 
fair with her brother-in-law (Christo- 
pher Eccleston). She ultimately loses her 
child and control of her future before 
she drifts into another sexual escapade 
in a desperate effort to figure out who 
she is. After director Boaz Yakin (whose 
first film was а 1994 sleeper called Fresh) 
lets Sonia's struggle veer into schmaltz, 
he pulls the movie back on track as a 
poignant portrait of a woman's soul- 
searching journcy. ¥¥¥ 


Loyal fans of Woody Allen should rel- 
ish Wild Mon Blues (Fine Line) by Barbara 
Kopple, who directed two Oscar-win- 
ning documentaries (Harlan County, 
U.S.A. in 1976 and American Dream in 
1990). Here, Kopple's camera crew ac- 
companies Allen on an 18-city European 


22 tour with his New Orleans jazz band. In 


Zellweger: un-Orthodox. 


Rebels defying social codes, 
politicians squashing scandals 
and Woody making music. 


Paris, Rome, Venice, Madrid and Lon- 
don, Allen is applauded for his music 
and wry humor. He introduces Italian 
well-wishers to “the notorious Soon-Yi," 
who is a constant fixture between gigs— 
at breakfast, at press conferences or tak- 
ing five in a swimming pool. The movie 
might have seemed shorter with less mu- 
sic and more wit, but under Kopple's 
discerning eye, Wild Man Blues becomes 
a different kind of star watch—with 
Allen both basking in and resisting his 
celebrity. Only back in New York do we 
see him as a world-class prodigal son. In 
a hilarious sequence, his aged parents 
suggest he might have done more with 
his talents and should have married a 
nice Jewish girl. ¥¥/2 


Hats off to Land Girls (Gramercy Pic- 
tures), an engaging period piece about 
three young women who take up farm 
chores in the English countryside while 
the lads in uniform are fighting in 
World War Two. Catherine McCormack, 
Rachel Weisz and Anna Fricl are inexpe- 
rienced field hands, who sooner or later 
have intimate relations with the farmer's 
strapping son Joe (Steven Mackintosh) 
While Joe hankers to be a fighter pilot, 
his heart condition dooms him to stay 
home and keep the land girls happy. 
Among them, Prue (Friel) is a man-chas- 
er, Ag (Weisz) is a virgin ready for love 
and Stella (McCormack) is a beauty en- 
gaged to a naval officer. Director David 


Leland accurately captures the look and 
feel of wartime England. His fond por- 
trait of women on the home front is ro- 
mantic and as heady as a pint of good 
British lager. ¥¥¥ 


Well into filmmaker Henry Jaglom's 
Déja Vu (Rainbow Film), someone asks, 
“Darling, is this the male menopause or 
something?" That might be an appropri- 
ate question for Jaglom himself, whose 
movies often star the woman in his life 
(in this case it's Victoria Foyt, Mrs. Jag- 
lom off screen) and smack of home- 
movie self-indulgence. The aptly titled 
Déjà Vu is a soppy romantic drama 
"about love and destiny," if you believe 
ity blurbs. Actually the heroine 
married woman who picks up 
a mysterious ruby pin in Isracl, meets an 
artist named Sean (Stephen Dillane) in 
and again in England and ulti- 
mately finds that all the puzzling pieces 
of her life just fit. Well, that’s pushing 
things. Jaglom also stretches his plot to 
include lots of prestigious players who 
manage to do their idiosyncratic bits 
without visible embarrassment. Besides 
Dillane, a hot young actor in London, 
there are Vanessa Redgrave, her mother 
Rachel Kempson, Noel Harrison (son of 
Rex), Michael Brandon and Anna 
Massey (daughter of Raymond). The en- 
tire picture plays like a party hosted by 
Jaglom, who persuades the most inter- 
esting people in town to drop by and act 
a little. YY 


As an Anglo-American team of con 
artists who yearn to own one of Eng- 
land's stately homes, Stuart Townsend 
and Dan Futterman scheme to rob the 
rich in Shooting Fish (Fox Searchlight). Di- 
rector Stefan Schwartz works some droll 
shenanigans about a bogus supercom- 
puter into this likable comic romp. 
Brightening up the lads’ misadventures 
is Kate Beckinsale, who was a sunny 
presence in Much Ado About Nothing and 
Cold Comfort Farm. Cast as the crafty as- 
sistant hired to abet all the mischief 
afoot, Beckinsale has a smile that Julia 
Roberts might envy. Even in its least 
buoyant moments, she keeps Shooting 
Fish afloat. ¥¥¥ 


Director Mike Nichols and screen- 
writer Elaine May may be the ideal com- 
ic team to bring Primary Colors (Universal) 
to the big screen. This sharp adaptation 
of the novel by Anonymous (later identi- 
fied as Joe Klein) is handicapped only by 
the fact that the Clintonesque roman а 
clef about the presidential hopes of a 
womanizing Southern governor might 


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24 


McCormack: Gibson airl 
makes good. 


OFF CAMERA 


You may remember Catherine 
McCormack, 25, as Mel Gibson's 
doomed mate in Braveheart. That 
role was “fantastic for me,” Mc- 
Cormack recalls, “but kind of 
scary. There's always a buzz about 
a new girl in a big film. Of course, 
it's nice when you have a good 
part and get killed early. Then 
people miss you.” After her recent 
stint as a madly desirable Italian 
courtesan in Dangerous Beauty, she 
will light up movie screens again 
in Land Girls (see review). 

McCormack attended the Ox- 
ford School of Drama before ac- 
quiring an agent and the TV and 
movie parts that got her where she 
is today. Already shot is a featured 
role with Meryl Streep in Dancing 
at Lughnasa. “Meryl is an inspira- 
tion to me. She is amazing.” 

McCormack calls home a small 
flat in London and describes her- 
self as “single, without child or fa- 
mous boyfriends.” Among the few 
movie credits she'd rather forget is 
a clinker called North Star with 
James Caan and Christopher Lam- 
bert. “I played the screaming 
girl—one reason I don't do any 
Hollywood action movies” Mc- 
Cormack insists she yearns to do a 
comedy such as The Philadelphia 
Story and would like to work with 
John Turturro, a performer she 
“absolutely adores.” She'd give up 
sexier roles in a second to be 
thought of as a character actress. 
“I feel more comfortable doing the 
quirky things I did in drama 
school. My aim is to portray a 90- 
year-old woman with huge warts. 
But so far, nobody has let me.” 


be overshadowed by headlines about our 
current leader’s troubles. The film still 
works as a timely political comedy, with 
John Travolta and Emma Thompson on 
the money as the would-be president 
and first lady. As Jack and Susan Stan- 
ton, they capture the essence of the 
shrewd, loyal wife and her lustful mate, 
whose tragic flaw is that his compassion 
for people secms to be out of sync with 
his sex drive. Matching the fictional char- 
acters with the real ones is fun, but there 
are some surprises. Billy Bob Thornton 
is dearly a stand-in for James Carville, 
while Adrian Lester (as the idealistic 
young black on the team) and Kathy 
Bates (as a raucous lesbian troubleshoot- 
er) are scene-stealers in a grand compa- 
ny of untamed political animals. ¥¥¥)2 


A famous painting of Judith behead- 
ing Holofernes is the centerpiece of 
Artemisia (Miramax Zoe), directed by Ag- 
nés Merlet. The movie dramatizes the 
story behind that classic work by Arte- 
misia Gentileschi, who became one of 
the first women to paint male nudes and 
win a place ina profession dominated by 
men. Few lessons in art history are more 
loaded with sex and nudity. ҰҰУ; 


The flood of lively new movies from 
Ireland hits a crest with 1 Went Down 
(Shooting Gallery). Fresh from this 
year’s Sundance Film Festival, director 
Paddy Breathnach's deft, darkly comic 
thriller takes full advantage of play- 
wright Conor McPherson's bright 
screenplay about two ex-cons on a mis- 
guided car trip into real trouble. Git 
(wry newcomer Peter McDonald) is the 
younger of the pair, just out of jail and 
straight into the net of a Dublin crime 
boss who insists he accompany Bunny 
(Brendan Gleeson) to pick up a hostage 
in Cork. The hostage is Frank Grogan 
(Peter Caffrey), a nonstop talker marked 
for death and spewing anecdotes to save 
his skin. Tied to a bed while his captors 
are boozing and womanizing, Grogan 
manages to escape, gets caught again 
and eventually leads the lads to a coun- 
terfeiting scheme and a pot of cash. The 
Irish gift of gab, along with a coolly in- 
ventive plot, keeps I Went Down funny 
and impudent. ¥¥¥ 


Jobless in Kiev and his marriage a fail- 
ure, a depressed Ukrainian named Ana- 
toli (Alexandre Lazarev) decides to com- 
mit suicide by hiring a killer to do the 
deed. After consoling himself with a 
breezy prostitute (Tatiana Krivitska), 
Anatoli changes d. А Friend of the 
Deceased (Sony СІ ), directed by Vy- 
acheslav Krishtofovic » is a quirky dead- 
pan comedy and precisely the kind of 
offbeat movie that Hollywood may want 
to remake with an all-American cast. ҰҰ/; 


MOVIE SCORE CARD 


capsule close-ups of current films 
by bruce williamson 


Artemisia (See review) The first Italian 
woman to invade the macho art 
world. Wh 
The Big Lebowski (Reviewed 4/98) Low 
jinx courtesy of the perplexing Coen 
brothers. УУУУ 
The Big One (5/98) More corporate 
monkey business from Michael 
Moore. wu 
The Butcher Boy (5/98) He's incorrigi- 
ble, dangerous and then some. ¥¥¥ 
Clockwaichers (Listed only) Trauma of 
temps is largely a waste oftime. У 
Déjà Vu (Scc review) Director Henry 
Jaglom mounts a self-indulgent 
moonstruck romance. уу 
A Friend of the Deceased (Sec review) A 
hit man misses his mark. Wr 
Insomnia (5/98) Sleepless Norwegian 
detective on a murder case. Ya 
I Think 1 Do (5/98) Former college room- 
mates finally admit they're gay. YY 
1 Went Down (See review) Droll crime 
duo's misadventures in Ireland. УУУ 
Land Girls (See review) While the lads 
fight in World War Two, three Eng- 
lish lasses pitch hay and woo. wy 
Love and Death on Long Island (4/98) 
John Hurt as a widowed writer in 
love with a male movie star. Wh 
Nil by Mouth (4/98) Actor Gary Old- 
man directs a movie about England's 
seamy side. yy 
Post Coitum (5/98) Young lover un- 
hinges a mature French wife. Wr 
A Price Above Rubies (See review) How 
a woman outgrows her Orthodox 
Jewish roots. ETT 
Primary Colors (See review) Nichols 
and May take on that thinly disguised 
tale of a sex-driven presidential 
hopeful. Wh 
The Proposition (5/98) Murder of a mis- 
guided sperm donor. WwW 
Shooting Fish (See review) English 
shenanigans to help finance a stately 
home. wy 
Sliding Doors (4/98) Gwyneth Paltrow 
experiences parallel lives. ЕА 
The Spanish Prisoner (5/98) Mamet's 
able, intricate suspense drama. УУУУ: 
The Truce (5/98) Turturro plays an Ital- 
ian Jew freed from Auschwitz. УУ 
Welcome to Woop Woop (5/98) You can 
skip this visit to the Australian out- 
back. Wh 
Wilde (See review) Wilde's trials and 
conviction as a homosexual. Wy 
Wild Man Blues (See review) Jazz and 
one-liners from Woody Allen, with 
Soon-Yion his European tour. YY/: 


¥¥ Worth a look 
¥ Forget it 


¥¥¥¥ Don't miss. 
YYY Good show 


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VIDEO 


Р НП 


"It's all a matter of 
g mood,” says TV dar- 
ling and ргдувоу veter- 
an Jenny McCarthy. 
“For example, if Im 
feeling in need of 
something sensitive, 
1 will put on Forrest 
Gump. which I could 
watch a million times. If I'm feeling low, | 
definitely have to watch a comedy. | espe- 
cially love Goldie Hawn movies—Privata 
Benjamin, Protocol and my favorite, The 
Duchess and the Dirtwater Fox. And The 
Jerk has the mostamazing physical come- 
dy.” But for Miss October 1993, vid view- 
ing is also about making up for lost time. 
“Growing up, we couldn't afford to go to 
the movies and we didn't have a VCR, so 
I never got to see a lot of films. In fact, | 
just saw The Godfather for the very first 
time last week. | mean, hello? Am I a little 
behind or what?” SUSAN KARLIN 


VIDBITS 


First Run Features has released two erot- 
ic classics from the Audubon Film Col- 
lection. 1, a Woman (1966) stars Кня Коце 
Essy Persson as an amorous nurse who 
specializes in her own torrid brand of 
TLC. The Libertine (1969) tells the tale ofa 
young widow (Catherine Spaak) who 
discovers her late hubby's secret sex 
hideaway and, feeling cheated, moves in 
herself. Initially banned in the U.S., The 
Libertine went on to spark—and then 
win—a Supreme Court censorship case. 
Each tape is $29.95. 


THE BRUCE-DEMI FACE-OFF 


Bruce Willis and Demi Moore, married 
since November 1987, duke it out for 
box-office supremacy a couple of times 
each year. But who has the edge on 
video? Let's go to the tapes (Bruce's ti- 
tles appear first). 

1982: The Verdict vs. Young Doctors in Love. 
Both newcomers were uncredited in 
walk-ons, with Bruce as a courtroom 
spectator and Demi as a medical intern. 
With four Oscar noms (to none) and a 
Mamet script, the verdict is: The Verdict. 

1985: Moonlighting vs. St. Elmo's Fire. 
Smarmily smiling at Cybill in a TV 
movie will get you only so far; mean- 
while, Demi's drama-junkie Brat Packer 
launched her career (despite problems 
on the set). Demi's round 

1986 and 1987: Blind Date vs. About Last 
Night. He dates tipsy Kim Basinger; she 
mates with Rob Lowe. For nudity and 
sex scenes alone, Demi scores. 

1988: Die Hard vs. The Seventh Sign. Bruce 


saves a high-rise from a gang of terror- 
ists, while Demi saves the world from the 
devil. Big bangs beat brimstone—and it’s 
all Brucie's. 

1990: The Bonfire of the Vanities vs. Ghost. 
Demi easily wins this bout as a widow 
with her hands in clay, while Bruce has 
feet of clay in the landmark bomb based 
on Tom Wolfe's novel. 

1992: Death Becomes Her vs. A Few Good 
Men. Bruce copes with decaying Goldie 
and Meryl in a creepy black comedy; 
itary lawyer Demi keeps up with the likes 
of Cruise and Nicholson. Salute Demi. 
1993: striking Distance vs. Indecent Proposal. 
Bruce sinks quick as a cop with a fast 
boat, while Demi beds Redford after 
hubby Harrelson loses her in Vegas. An- 
other critical dud, another Demi win. 
1994: Nobody’s Fool vs. Disclosure. Bruce 
clashes with Paul Newman in a small- 
town slice-of-lifer, while randy exec De- 
mi harasses Michael Douglas on the job. 
Her blow job scene seals the deal. 

1995: Twelve Monkeys VS. The Scarlet Letter. 
He's a futuristic prisoner surfing on a 
time warp; she's Hawthorne's Puritan 
adulteress scorned for being horny. Take 
it, Bruce. 

1996: Last Man Standing VS. Striptease. He 
dons a fedora and an attitude in Walter 
Hill's brutal spin on Hammett; she gets 
delightfully naked as a bumping-and- 
grinding mom. Bruce who? 

1997: The Fifth Element vs. С.І. Jane. Bruce 
battles vagina-like aliens in expensive 
French flick; Demi dives deep into muck 
to become a Navy Seal. It's Demi, by a 
mudslide. — BUZZ MCCLAIN 


Covi 


the Month 


Any era that can 

boast the arrival 

of Sputnik, the 

Hula Hoop, Willie 

Mays and the fe- 

male orgasm 

cannot be all 

bad. The Fifties 

(5100), the His- 

tory Channels 

six-volume 

flashback based on David Halberstam's 
book, tracks the decade from the postwar 
baby boom through the Beat movement, 
the Cold War, Elvismania and the first 
bursts of Sixties fervor. The program fea- 
tures interviews, newsreel footage, print 
ads and loads of treasured TV clips. Our fa- 
vorite segment: part four—all about Kin- 
sey, the pill, a guy named Hef and his dar- 
ing new magazine. 


LASER FARE 


Lumivision's DVD release of Africa: The 
Serengeti ($29.95) features narration in 
eight languages. The breathtaking trav- 
clog trails 2 million wildebeests, zebras 
and antelope across the plains, and in- 
cludes spoken French, Japanese, Ko- 
rean, Bavarian, Spanish, Catalan and 
Mandarin. James Far] Jones booms out 
the English track. GREGORY P FAGAN 


Good Will Hunting (shrink Robin Williams uncorks genius jan- 
itor Май Damon; sharp script, sharper acting), Alien Resur- 
rection (dopey science guys dig inta Sigaurney's death-bug 
DNA; c rore worthy sequel]. 


The Sweet Hereofter (Russell Banks’ navel becomes a savory 
meditation on death by тооду Atom Egayan), Midnight in 
the Garden of Good and Evil (Eastwoad’s spin an Jahn 
Berendt's true -crimer feels flat but still holds you). 


FROM THE BOOK 


26 cuits and grits. 


TRAVEL 


THE COURIER CONNECTION 


Air courier travel is one way for you to see the world cheap- 
ly, providing you're adventurous and have time to spare. In 
exchange for accompanying time-sensitive business cargo 
(which usually takes the place of your checked luggage), you 
fly overseas in coach class for 50 percent to 80 percent less 
than the lowest book-in-advance fares, depending on the sea- 
son. You may even fly free ifa courier company hires you on- 
ly a day or so before departure. And so long as the company 
hasn't booked you to return immediately with other cargo, 
you're free to stay at your destination for up toa month. Each 
year, about 40,000 courier-carrying flights leave major gate- 
way cities (New York, Los Angeles, Chicago, Miami, Detroit 
and San Francisco) for Europe, Asia, South America and the 
Pacific. And 30,000 more outbound flights leave from over- 
seas airports, so you can hop 
connecting flights to Africa, Is- 
rael or the Gulf. (You may even. 
get to log frequent-flier miles.) 
Air couriers usually must be at 
least 21 years old (with a valid 
passport) and be willing to trav- 
el alone with minimal luggage. 
(Neatness also counts. Most 
companies have a dress code 
that stresses no torn or dirty 
jeans.) For a $64 sign-up fee 
(membership dues are $39 an- 
nually after that), the Air Cou- 
rier Association (www.aircouri 
er.org or 800-693-8333) will 
give you useful information, including flight schedules, travel 
ups and discount hotel and rental car benefits. The Interna- 
tional Association of Air Travel Couriers has a Web site at 
www.courier.org. You can also read Air Courier Bargains: How 
to Travel Worldwide for Next to Nothing by Kelly Monaghan, 
which is available in bookstores. — NADINE EKREK 


NIGHT MOVES: SAVANNAH 


Savannah, Georgia's easygoing pace affords plenty of time for 
sipping mint juleps—and for exploring the region's bustling 
nightlife. Begin your evening with waterside drinks and ap- 
petizers at the Chart House (202 West Bay Street) in the pop- 
ular riverfront area (where River Street meets the Savannah 
River). Then head over to Elizabeth on 37th (105 East 37th 
Street) where chef Elizabeth Terry offers an ever-changing 
menu that has featured roasted quail with mustard-and-pep- 
per sauce and a sensational sesame-crusted grouper. If you 
are unable to find what you're looking for on the restaurants 
impressive wine list, ask about the cellar's more extensive 
selection. Johnny Harris (1651 East Victory Drive), which has 
been in business since 1924, is where locals congregate for se- 
rious barbecue. Or try the Crystal Beer Parlor (301 West 
Jones Street) for mugs of draft and fried-oyster sandwiches. 
For some of the best jazz in the city, Hannah’s East (20 East 
Broad Street) features Emma Kelly, the “Lady of 6000 Songs” 
made famous in John Berendt’s Midnight in the Garden of Good 
and Evil. Kevin Barry's Irish Pub (117 West River Street) is a 
great place to hear traditional Irish music. After midnight, the 
Zoo (121 West Congress Street), a four-level dance club, offers 
live music, industrial and Top 40 hits in a video-charged at- 
mosphere. If you're in a retro sort of mood, Hip Huggers (9 
West Bay Street) will take you back with the disco sounds of 
the Seventies and Eighties. Then give your feet a rest. In the 
morning you'll be standing in line to refuel at Mrs. Wilkes’ 
Dining Room (107 West Jones Street) with down-home bis- 
NE 


GREAT ESCAPE 


HELI-HIKING IN BRITISH COLUMBIA 


If you're a mountain man by day but like your creature 
comforts at night, heli-hiking is the way to go. Sign on to 
Canadian Mountain Holiday's six-night wilderness adven- 
ture and a chopper will transport you, fellow trekkers and 
guides high onto British Columbia's Selkirk range for 
hours of wandering over some of the world's most beau- 
tiful terrain. Then it's back to the remote Adamant Lodge 


(pictured here) for wonderful 
food and wine—or more rack 
hugging on an indoor climbing 
wall. The six-night package goes 
for about $1780 per person, 

double occupancy, and includes 

round-trip transportation from 

Calgary to the lodge (about 300 
miles), food, wine and equipment (boots, day pack, 
insulated jacket, etc.). Call 800-661-0252 to book or for 
additional information. Three- and four-night trips are 
also ofiered. — DAVID STEVENS 


ROAD STUFF 


Whether tossed into the back of your Porsche or carried 
aboard a 747, the Bounty Hunter's “ultimate satchel-brief- 
case-wine bag” isa great tote. Two bottles of wine fit perfectly 
intothe padded saddle leather Courier ($360) pictured below, 
rear. In front of it is the six-bottle Freighter ($400), made of 
saddle leather and canvas. Not shown is a four-bottle Satchel 
model that's also saddle leather and canvas and features two 
gusseted pockets ($370). (The 
padding can be removed 

from all three items.) Call 

800-943-wINE to order ог 
to obtain a free cat- 
alog. * Jao is an 
antibacterial 

hand refresher 

that combines es- 

sential oils (laven- 
der, geranium, 
eucalyptus, cedar 
leaf and tea tree) 
with ethyl alco- 
hol. The result is 
a hand sanitizer 

that smells like 

fine French soap. 
A four-ounce bottle costs $8. Call 
888-296-8685. DS 


۵ 


M ЫХ 
RTMENT STORES ( 


WIRED 


COMING TO A CAR 
POOL NEAR YOU 


We thought Pioneer's announcement of 
a 50-disc CD changer for the car was big 
news. But Alpine, Audiovox, Jensen and 
Kenwood are just a few of the companies 
that plan to turn automobiles into verita- 
ble theaters on wheels. (The industry 
term for the trend is “car multimedia.”) 
TV monitors are installed on the backs 
of seats or suspended airline-style from 
overhead consoles. Video sources such 
as VCRs and DVD players are also built 
in. Plus there are connections for video 
game machines and sound systems (such 
as Alpine's DDDrive speakers and sub- 
woofer) that pump theater-quality Dolby 


Digital audio throughout the car. Obvi- 
ously, this video entertainment is de- 
signed to keep passengers occupied. For 
the driver, Clarion offers AutoPC. This 
stereo-sized computer uses voice recog- 
nition to tune the radio, dial the cellular 
phone, give directions and read e-mail. 
Saying “Startradio,” for example, brings 
the tuner to life. And a navigation fea- 
ture will guide you through unfamiliar 
territory turn by turn in a calm comput- 
er voice. Prices start at about $1000. 
—DAWN CHMIELEWSKI 


THE WORD ON 
DO-IT-YOURSELF CDS 


Before you replace your tape deck with a 
compact disc recorder, consider the fol- 
lowing. Rewritable CDs (the kind that 
you can record over multiple times) 
combine the crisp sound quality of digi- 
tal audio with the recording properties 
of cassette, but there's one major limita- 
tion: The finished product can be played 
only on the machine that recorded it. In 
other words, you can't pop your dance 
mix into your car stereo or take it to the 
gym. At least not yet. Pioneer and 
Philips, both of which make rewritable 
CD recorders for home stereo, say the 
problem is myopia. Today's CD players 
can't read the discs because they're not 


28 as reflective as standard, silver-plated 


CDs. The player's laser just can't see the 
grooves burned onto the rewritable disc 
Ditto for the next generation of optical 
technology, the DVD player. If you want 
to be able to play your disc anywhere, 
you'll have to resort to the old write- 
once method of recording. The Philips 
CDR870 and the Pioneer PDR-555RW 
offer dual recording capabilities. One 
last caveat for those who love to share 
music mixes with friends: An antipiracy 
feature called the serial-copy manage- 
ment system prevents you from making 
a duplicate disc of a duplicate. So you 
can make one compilation of your fa- 
vorite Sublime cuts—but only one.—p.c. 


FRIGGED NEWTON 


Apple didn't have much faith in the 
Newton Messagepad. It pulled the 
plug on the handheld computer 
earlier this year. However, Newton 
seems to have at least one support- 
er—the U.S. military. A spokesper- 
son for Apple confirmed that all 
four branches of the armed ser- 
vices have purchased Newtons, ap- 
parently for use in combat simula- 
tions. As Wired magazine reports, 
the devices have proved their 


WILD THINGS | — 


Talk about maximizing juice. You could jog for almost two days straight without hoving 
to replace the single AA battery that powers Panasonic’s Shock Wove RQ-SW45V 
(about $100, pictured). Other cool features of this sports-model personol cassette 
stereo include an AM/FM tuner with 20 station presets and a five-mode lap function 
that allows yau to keep track of the distance you're running 
(or walking) by way of footprints that travel around the 
unit's LCD. For those who like their bass on the heavy 
side, the RQ-SW45V also offers Panasonic's exclusive 
Brainshaker Virtual Motion Sound System. With 
VMSS, you actually feel the music vibroting through 
the headphones as you listen. A switch allows you 
to turn off the VMSS—our preferred position. e If 
you want to jump on the e-mail 
bandwagon but have zero 
PC knowledge, check aut 
Ultradata’s Easy Mail. 
This na-brainer gad- 
get plugs into any 
phone line and has 
a small keyboard for 
punching in quick 
messages. Н alsa func- 
tions as a calculator, 
calendar and address 
book—all for $180. 
For $20 more you con 
apt for Ultradota's 
PalmNet, a more so- 
phisticoted device 
thot accepts e-mail 
farwarded from oth- 
er accounts (such 
as AOL). —вт 


worth. In an exercise called Hunter 
Warrior, 1500 marines equipped with 
land-mobile radios and Newtons were 
able to overcome their opponents (a low- 
tech force of 4500) repeatedly. Accord- 
ing to Navy commander Ron Hender- 
son, using technology with new orga- 
nizational strategies enabled his tech 
troops to better coordinate their attack 
efforts. Newton as lethal weapon? A spin 
on General Douglas MacArthur's World 
War Two prophecy: It shall not return. 
— BETH TOMKIW 


MULTIMEDIA 
REVIEWS € NEWS 


Webcasting, the broadcasting of live per- 
formances on the Internet one of the 
houest things going on in cyberspace 
There arc at least half a dozen sites de- 
voted exclusively to webcast airing free 
concerts. Aside from showcasing a vari- 
ety of musical styles—from smooth jazz 
and symphonic arrangements to rau- 
cous neopunk and hip-hop—many of 
these concerts provide a peek into the 
country's hippest venues. Webcast sites 
also give fans an opportunity to interact 
by running chats simultaneously with 
the shows. 

So far, most big-name bands (c.g., U2, 
the Smashing Pumpkins, Aerosmith) 


CYBER SCOOP 


12 Jurassic racker turned Net-entre- 

A preneur Mick Jagger hos created 
a company called Jagged Inter- 
networks ta broadcast major 
cricket tournaments on the Web. 
If you're in need of a cricket fix, 
check out www-uk cricket ога/ 
link_to_database/SUPPORT/ 
JAGGED. 


Next time you're shopping on- 
е, you may want ta see if the 
le liu» curried о CPA WebTrust 

seal. Issued by the American In- 
stitute of Certified Public Accoun- 
tants, this commercial seal of op- 
proval indicates that the online 
vendor has passed a strict set of 
business guidelines—including 
the pratection of your privacy 
and credit card numbers. 


* 


have shied away from webcasts (they 
would rather have you pay at the stadi- 
um, thank you). 
But some impres- 
sive acıs have 
been making a 
splash on the Net, 
including Cheap 
Trick, Beck, Los 
Lobos, Porno for 
Pyros, Jewel and 
Primus. 

Be forewarned: 
Webcasting is still 
in its infancy, 
which means that 
many of the per- 
formances may 
seem more like 
AM radio with 
crackling, freeze- 
frame video. Undoubtedly that will 
change as Net influencers (including Mi- 
crosofi) continue to devote major cash to 
improving the quality of online audio 


Jamming on Jam TV. 


and video. In the mean- 
time, keep your expecta- 
tions in check and be sure 
your computer is up to the 
challenge. We would rather 
lock lips with Marilyn Man- 
son than view a webcast 
with anything less than a 
Power Mac or Pentium PC. 
You need a fast system and 
an equally fast modem to 
enjoy this technology. You 
also need audio and video 
plug-ins such as RealPlayer 
or Microsoft's NetShow, as 
well as iChat for dishing 
during the concerts. Each 
of the music sites that fol- 
low includes links to free 
downloads. 


WHERE TO GO 
Jam TV (www.jamtv.com) is a flashy site 
and its Virtual Venue hosts a daily lineup 
of live acts. Look for a mix of alternative 
music—such as Chumbawamba or 
Bush—webcast from the Metro or Park 
West in Chicago, Jam TV's hometown. 
The site also serves as a great music ref- 
erence spot, with band profiles and 
discographics. Therc's a scarch engine 
that lets you plug in band names to sce 
when and where they'll be playing next, 
as well as a link to Ticketmaster. 
LiveConcorts (www.liveconcerts.com) has 
tie-ins with the House of Blues and cov- 
ers a broad range of musical genres, 
from the guitar rock of the Black Crowes 
to the synth pop of Erasure. The site al- 
so hosts special events (a Jackie Brown 
soundtrack listening party was happen- 
ing when we tuned in). Video interviews 
with Cheap Trick, Depeche Mode and 
others are great time-wasters. And to en- 
sure you don't miss a beat, the creators 
of LiveConcerts vill send you e-mail to 
remind you of upcoming events 
For webcasts of 
music, as well as 
sports, business 
and news from 
around the world, 
point your brows- 
er to AudioNet 
(www.audionet 
com). Porno for 
Pyros, Travis Tritt 
and Beck are a 
few of the artists 
whose concerts 
have aired here. 
If you miss a live 
event, AudioNet 
offers plenty of 
archived materi- 
als. Particularly 
cool are the site's audio-only shows from 
New York's Blue Note Club and the Art 
Institute of Houston. Jazz performances 
at the former sound great, thanks to 


No Doubt rocks the Web, 


the club's “quiet policy.” 
Herbie Hancock and Ray 
Barretto have played stir- 
ring sets at the Blue Note, 
which we listened to in the 
background while surfing 
to other sites. 

LA Live (www.lalive 
com) offers more than just 
a look at the Los Angeles 
rock scene. The site has a 
burgeoning archive of big- 
name acts (including Sarah 
McLachlan and No Doubt) 
performing at clubs such 
as the Viper Room and 
Whisky A-Go-Go. But inti- 
mate dives aren't the only 
spots from which LA Live 
webcasts. Concerts that are 
held at the 35,000-capaci- 
ty Blockbuster Pavillion 
and the 15,400-capacity Irvine Mead- 
ows are aired here, along with perfor- 
mances at the Joint, a 1400-seat theater 
at the Hard Rock Hotel in Las Vegas. 

To keep up with the world of online 
music, check out Live Online (www.live-on 
line.com), which has a huge archive of 
webcasts categorized by genre and 
searchable by artist. It also includes re- 
views of various regional and local sit 
MTV and Yahoo teamed up to create Un- 
fURLed (www.unfurled.com), an online- 
music reference site. You can search for 
your favorite band or scan listings of the 
week's concert webcasts, interviews and 
celeb chat appearances. There also are 
links to music news and gossip, as well as 
to an amusing section called Totally 
Wack, which features goofy games titled 
Sugar Ray Pinball, Electric Clay Drum. Solo 
and Madonna Slugfest. MARK GLASER 


DIGITAL DUDS 


Waterworld: This PC CD-ROM 
sinks, with pitiful action and 
graphics that are as dated as the 
Kevin Costner movie. 


Clay Fighter 63%: The poar con- 
trols and slow gameplay of this 
Nintendo 64 title are bad 
enough. But a fighting game 
without blood, guts and vio- 
lence? What's the point? 


Fantastic Four: The Boring Four 
would be а better for this 
PlayStation game. Stick with the 
comic boak. 


Meat Puppet: Another adult CD- 
ROM that attempts fo stir the li- 
bida yet leaves it limp. 


28 @ Q 


See what's happening on Playboy's 
Hame Page at hitp://www.playboy.com 


29 


BOOKS 


GIRL POWER 


Elizabeth Wurtzel wants you to see she has nice tits. So she ap- 

pears topless on the cover of her latest offering, Bitch (Double- 

day), a book “in praise of difficult women.” She also wants you 

to see she's manipulating her 

own marketing, so she's flip- Boyt CH] 
| 
| 


ias die el. mie ins | 
me-fuck you dust-jacket dic | m 


chotomy gets to the point. Praise of 
Wurtzel's mission is to make Difficult 
the world accept female mis- | women 


behavior. She's a talented styl- 
ist with an aggravating per- 
sonality. This stuff is cloaked 
in a litany of pop-culture case 
studies about women who've 
been screwed for acting out: 
Amy Fisher, Courtney Love, 
Hillary Clinton, Nicole Brown 
Simpson and herself. But 
Wurtzel is still young. You get 
the sense that with time her 
prose will lose its melodrama 
and distinguish itself. Or maybe she'll write an unexpectedly 
humble book such as Lisa Palac’s Edge of the Bed (Little, 
Brown), a sexual autobiography that addresses many of Eliza- 
beth Wurtzel's themes, yet manages to come off without ag- 
grandizing the author's evolution from Catholic schoolgirl to 
boundary-breaking cybersex queen. SHANE DUBOW 


ELIZABETH WURTZEL 


MAGNIFICENT 
OBSESSIONS 


Postwar American culture expressed itself in strange ways, 
many of them centered on cars. What other epoch cauld 
bring us the Edsel and the drive-in church? The American 
Drive-in Movie Theater (Motorbooks Internatianal), by Dan 
and Susan Sanders, follows drive-ins fram their invention in 
1933 to their baby-boam glary days. Through great photos 
of jukes from 1937 to 1948, Vincent Lynch's American Juke- 
box: The Classic Years (Chronicle) details the machine that de- 
fined the course of papular music. Car Hops and Curb Service: 
A History of American Drive-in Restaurants 1920-1969 (Chroni- 
cle), by Jim Heimann, explares oddball eateries, carhops and 
drive-in taverns. Quentin Willsan's Classic American Cars (DK 
Publishing] offers a gallery of 60 great autos, from the 1943 
Willys Jeep to the 1978 Cadillac Seville. Patio Daddy-O: 
Fifties Recipes With a Nineties Twist (Chronicle), by Gidean 
Bosker and Karen Braoks, presents time-warp classics such 
as barbecued meat loaf and hot-iran grilled cheese sand- 
wiches (white bread and American cheese, of course). Hi-Fi^s 
& Hi-Balls: The Golden Age of the American Bachelor (Chrani- 
cle], by Steven Guarnaccia and 8ob Sloan, laoks at swinging 
bachelor pads, clathes, tunes and jakes. If all this modernity 
makes yau weary, check aut Out on the Porch (Alganquin), 
which beautifully evakes a genteel American tradition laid 
law by air-conditianing and TV. —1EOPOLD FROEHLICH 


BOOK BAG 


Roger Simon's Show Time: The American Political Circus and the 
Race for the White House (Times Books) goes behind the scenes 
for an intriguing look at the pols and pundits who steered 
1996's presidential election. Bill Clinton's h-pressin, 
Harold Ickes’ tirades, Larry King's belching—it's all here. Si 
mon’s humorous take isa catalog of Bob Dole's political shor 
comings. While Bob plays the fool and falls on his face, Bill's 
cool spin clinches the race, Those who resort to watching Mel- 
rose Place for their regular dose of postadolescent psychodra- 
ma need suffer no more. Daniel Lyons’ Dog Days (Simon & 
Schuster), which grew out of his short story that won our Col- 
lege Fiction Award in 1992, will fit the bill. Set in Boston's 
North End, it’s a well-crafted tale rife with all the requisite in- 
gredients: lost love, deception, Mafiosi, 
purloined pets. OK, so it's really 
notan ordinary tale ofad- 

dled youth, but 

it’s one of 
self-discov- 
ery. This i 
an unpreten- 
tious, engaging \ 
story. J.G. Bak 
lard, whose novel 
Crash added new 
meaning to the term auto- 
erotica, has written Cocaine 
Nights (Counterpoint), an untraditional murder mystery with 
a darkly philosophical soul. The book's epicenter is Estrella de 
Mar, a secluded Spanish resort of “Arab princes, retired gang- 
sters and Eurotrash.” Estrella appears to be a model of tran- 
quility, but the drone of cicadas and the scent of honeysuck 
le mask an underworld of illicit sex, drugs and death. The 
Muhammad Ali Reader (Ecco Press), edited by Gerald Early, 
contains four decades of the best-known writings on Ali by 
A.]. Liebling, Norman Mailer, Murray Kempton, Ishmael 
Reed, Gay Talese and George Plimpton, among others. These 
pieces poignantly and poetically capture the exquisite essence 
of the Greatest. —MIKE THOMAS 


POP-UP 
WAS A ROLLING STONE 
Pop racks—at least it does in the interac- 

tive pop-up books Rock Pack (Universe Publishing) and 
Elvis Remembered (Pop-Up Press). James Henke, chief curator at the 
Rock and Rall Hall af Fame and Museum, and designer Ron van der 
Meer create a rock-from-its-raots visual salute in Rack Pack, with 3D 
images of Jimi jamming, Alice Caaper's guillotine, Bootsy Collins 
funked up and Elvis recording in Memphis. The King is alsa hip- 
swinging in Elvis Remembered, with rare photos from the Graceland 
archives. He shakes, rattles and jailhouse racks fram Tupelo to 
Memphis to Hallywood — HELEN FRANGOULIS 


Glove wom by first 
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31 


MONEY MATTERS 


By CHRISTOPHER BYRON 


fier 16 years of a bull market, are 

there any underpriced stocks left? 
This month I'll tell you how to find 
stocks that have fallen out of favor with 
institutional investors but that still pos- 
sess strong financials and good growth 
prospects. Our strategy will make use of 
a statistical concept that will accomplish 
the scemingly impossible: buying un- 
loved stocks in a bull market and still 
getting a good night's sleep. 

Regression to the mean sounds like a 
room-emptying topic if ever there was 
one. Actually the concept is quite sim- 
ple—and instructive. It is based on the 
notion that in any given population— 
from people to goats to the price-to- 
earnings ratios of common stocks—most 
of the group tend to cluster around an 
average, with fewer nonaverage mem- 
bers of the population sloping toward 
the sides. In other words, far more peo- 
ple are 510” than are 105”. Far more 
women wear a В cup than a D cup. 

The implication for investors is signif- 
icant because it holds that, given enough 
time, overpriced and underpriced stocks 
will return to the mean, or average, 
price in the market. It doesn’t matter 
whether you measure price by the dollar 
value of stocks or by price-to-earnings 
ratios—the classic measure of invest- 
ment value for common stocks. 

This concept already underpins an 
impressively profitable strategy that in- 
volves buying the bottom ten stocks of 
the Dow Jones industrial average at the 
start of each calendar year. You can find 
the strategy spelled out in detail at 
www.dogsofthedow.com. The concept 
can also be applied to all common stocks, 
not just the Dow 30. Lucky for us, the 
very dominance of institutional investors. 
on Wall Street gives the little guys (that's 
you and me) plenty of room to do so. 
The reason? Institutional investors and 
money managers tend to move in packs. 

This herd instinct among institutional 
investors creates some real distortions 
in the market. By investing in groups of 
stocks that are institutional favorites, 
fund managers almost guarantee that 
their darlings will become overpriced. 

Our first rule of thumb to finding un- 
dervalued stocks is to stay away from in- 
stitutional favorites (let's say, arbitrarily, 
those stocks that have half or more of 
their shares held by institutions). Though 
it is not always the case, the chances are 


32 good that such stocks are overpriced. 


STALKING THE 
UNLOVED STOCK 


Nearly any broker's investment report 
on a company will include information 
regarding the percentage of that com- 
pany's shares that are held by institu- 
tional investors. But for $9.95 per 
month you can get that, plus a whole lot 
more of such information—on any num- 
ber of companies you want—from the 
Microsoft Investor Web site (www.in 
vestor.msn.com). It’s easily one of the 
best investment buys to be found 
anywhere. 

Next step: Within the universe of 
stocks that institutions don’t dominate, 
we need to zero in on those selling for 
less than the average of their industries 
as a whole. We do that by focusing on a 
measurement known as the forward P/E 
ratio—the company’s price per share di- 
vided by Wall Street’s consensus forecast 
of its likely earnings per share in the 
year ahead. If a stock is so obscure that 
few analysts follow it (and no forecasts 
are available), we'll use the most recent 
full year's earnings as a fallback, creating 
a so-called trailing P/E. 

For $675 per year, Morningstar re- 
search house in Chicago will sell you a 
software package, updated monthly, that 
lets you screen more than 7000 stocks in 
72 different industries for such ratios. 
On the other hand, for $9.95 per month 
you can get the same information via the 
Microsoft Investor Web site. 


Over the past five years the five stocks 
in the obscure technology niche known 
as precision measurement devices have 
been selling, on average, for about 17.4 
times earnings. That's just about 30 per- 
cent cheaper than the average annual 
P/E ratio of the Standard & Poor's 500 
index—a Wall Street benchmark for 
stock valuations—during the same peri- 
od. In other words, the entire sector is 
unloved and selling for cheap. It’s a 
good place to search for an investment. 

In that sector, one company stands 
out: Irvine, California-based Newport 
Corp., which designs, produces and 
markets instruments and electronic de- 
vices used by scientists. At a recent price 
of around $18, Newport sold at 23 times 
earnings. That's more expensive than 
others in its field, as measured by the Mi- 
crosoft Investor research service, but no 
more expensive than the S&P 500 as a 
whole. What's more, the company is lit- 
tle known on Wall Street, so only a hand- 
ful of mutual funds owu апу ofits shares, 
and few analysts follow its fortunes. As a 
result, investors don't seem to have по- 
ticed that the company’s financials not 
only are strong but are dramatically im- 
proving. Sales have climbed by nearly 55 
Percent since 1994 to $133 million and 
earnings have more than doubled to 
$7.1 million. Its growth rates are more 
than twice those of its rivals. The compa- 
ny’s balance sheet is strong. The dou- 
bling in price that occurred in 1997 
could well repeat itself, especially if mu- 
tual funds and other institutions become 
interested in the stock. 

Obviously, one stock cannot build a 
portfolio. Newport Corp. is a small oper- 
ation with only 750 employees and bare- 
ly 9 million shares of stock outstanding. 
On some days fewer than 25,000 of 
those shares are traded, suggesting that 
the price could jump around quite a bit 
ifa lot of buy (or sell) pressure develops. 
In other words, a whiff of bad news 
could wipe out the gains from months 
(or even more) of good news. So there's 
risk here, to be sure. But according to 
regression to the mean theory, Newport 
Corp. hasa much better chance of going 
up in value during the year ahead than it 
does of going down. 


You can reach Christopher Byron by e-mail 
at cbscoop@aol.com. 


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©1998 Playboy Magazine used with 
the permission of Playboy Magazine. 


MEN 


hat would I have done in Presi- 

dent Clinton’s place and how 
would I have behaved if I had his job?” 
That is the kind of question that has not 
been asked a lot since the Sex Scandal of 
1998 engulfed us. But before we judge 
others, should we not examine our- 
selves? Last week, by sheer coincidence, 
I received an important call from the 
National Commission on Presidential 
Lust (in De Queen, Arkansas). I am 
proud to report that the commission has 
chosen me to prepare a mandatory quiz 
for future presidential candidates, and I 
have humbly accepted the assignment. 
(Please note: This quiz is intended only 
for male candidates, since women run- 
ning for political office in the U.S. are 
seen as being above reproach sexually.) 

What follows is the quiz I have pre- 
pared for the commission. Read the hy- 
pothetical scenarios carefully and an- 
swer the question at the end of each case. 

Scenario I: You are president of the 
U.S. and are sitting alone in the Oval Of- 
fice late one night when Veronica Vamp, 
a gorgeous, long-limbed, big-busted, 
red-haired Secret Service agent quietly 
opens the door and slips into the room. 
“Mr. President," Veronica says breathily 
through her lip gloss, "I just want you to 
know that I'd take a bullet for you any 
time, you big hunk. So why don't you 
slip me some lead from your pencil right 
now?" You can't help but notice E 
Veronica is putting on knee pads and a 
lobster bib as she says this. Her green 
eyes gaze at you with adoration. 

Question: Do you cover your hog or 
pull out that log? 

Scenario 2: As president, you make 
many important trips to foreign capitals. 
Paris is one of your favorite places, so 
you try to visit with the French as often 
as you can. On this particular trip (your 
third this month) you are napping in 
your hotel room after the long flight 
from Washington, when you hear a tap- 
ping on your window overlooking the 
courtyard. You open the drapes to find 
two lovely Frenchwomen posing as win- 
dow-washers on a scaffold. They look 
like twins with their long blonde hair 
and cute faces and well-shaped bodies in 
tight Levi's shorts and bikini tops. Flexi- 
ble as ballerinas, they glide through the 
open French doors and settle themselves 
on their knees around you, giggling and 
begging you in broken English to ex- 


36 pose yourself. You find four hands—OK, 


By ASA BABER 


HEADSTRONG 
PRESIDENT 


make it six—fumbling for your schlong. 

Question: Do you wag your dog or re- 
ject the Frogs? 

Scenario 3: To assuage the Brits on this 
same trip, you are forced to make a 
stopover in London to celebrate the 
queen's birthday. At a formal dinner in 
Buckingham Palace, the infamous Cla- 
rissa Fortitude, duchess of Sodom (and 
former high-fashion model), is seated to 
your immediate right. She looks great in 
her diamond tiara with her peachy skin, 
and during the interminable speech- 
es, you feel the duchess stroking your 
woody through your tuxedo trousers. 
Without a word, she takes your hand 
and places it on her tender, mossy love 
tunnel. Then, as the lights go out and 
the birthday cake is carried in and God 
Save the Queen is sung, the duchess grabs 
you by the nape of your neck and push- 
es your face toward her quivering hips 
and sweet nether lips. 

Question: Do you kiss her bog or go 
hide in the fog? 

Scenario 4: You've scheduled an hour's 
massage by the White House pool every 
Friday with Rocco Petrone, your physical 
therapist, so imagine your surprise this 
Friday when you climb onto the massage 
table and out walks a brown-skinned 
beauty ina nurse's outfit. She is lean and 
tall and classically shaped. She says her 
name is Frannie Fellatio and that she will 


be your masseuse. Before you can say 
anything, she is spreading warm oil on 
your chest, shoulders and stomach. As 
her hands move south, you are trying to 
make a presidential decision under difit- 
cult conditions. Yes, it feels wonderful, 
but who is this woman, and why do her 
lips interest you so much? “Oh, Mr. Pres- 
ident,” she says with a smile, “you may 
speak softly, but you certainly carry a big 
stick!” 

Question: Do you run from the room 
or let your tool bloom? 

Scenario 5: Although it’s unknown to 
the rest of the world (outside ofa few 
special leaders), you 
quently in an Interg: 


tic Space Con- 


1 ference. Meeting in a shaft 6000 feet un- 


der the Mojave Desert, seated with some 
discomfort around a huge conference 
table, you and your advisors confer with 
strange-looking aliens from distant plan- 
ets who are here to take over earth as 
peacefully as possible. Yours is an awe- 
some task that unsettles you psychologi- 
cally, especially since one of the aliens, 
Rhonda X-49, seems to have your num- 
ber. Aside from two small horns growing 
out of her skull, Rhonda X-49 is the spit- 
ting image of Sigourney Weaver. Like 
Weaver, she knows without your saying 
it that you yearn to be disciplined for all 
your transgressions. ^You've been a bad 
boy and you want me to spank you, don't 
you?" Rhonda X-49 asks you telepathi- 
cally. You feel a burning sensation all 
over your butt. This is incredible! Sex 
and pain, discipline and bondage, and 
all applied silently from a distance. 

Question: Do you get your kicks or ex- 
pose her tricks? 

Scenario 6: A dark-haired young intern 
at the White House responds with fa- 
vor to your general flirtatiousness, She 
hangs around the West Wing and makes 
herself available to you when you have 
the time. The two of you share humor, 
warmth, small gifis and a love of sexual- 
ity. She makes you feel young and hand- 
some and you make her feel powerful 
and loved. It is an intergenerational, 
high-risk affair with all the excitement 
such a venture implies. You are using 
her and she is using you, but it doesn’t 
seem to matter as long as things are kept 
private, between two consenting adults. 

Question: Can you pop your knob and 
still keep your job? 


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THE PLAYBOY ADVISOR 


Û love to perform oral sex on my wife, 
but she seems to be losing enthusiasm 
for it. I have a feeling she's bored with 
my technique. Do you have any sugges- 
tions? Also, how do I know when she's 
ready for penetration?—R.T., Philadel- 
phia, Pennsylvania 

There's no harm in ashing questions— 
that's the quickest way to learn and an easy 
method to turn up the heal with some dirty 
banter. As porn star Nina Hartley 
“Good pussy eating is a team effor 
man is born an expert, so it’s crucial that 
women participate and instruct. That said, 
there are basic techniques that men can 
use lo get things started. First, prepare your 
wife for pleasure. Caress the insides of her 
thighs, talk io her softly, massage the mus- 
cles around her vulva. Demonstrating on 
her video “Nina Hartley's Guide to Better 
Cunnilingus” (800-765-2326), Nina gently 
squeezes and kneads the muscles around her 
partner's vulva like а baker, These muscles 
are stronger and more pliant than most peo- 
ple realize—and who thinks to massage 
them? She reminds guys that the clitoris is 
not a doorbell. Don't attack it. Instead, be 
indirect. The clit is extremely sensitive, so 
when you caress, kiss, lick, suck and tug on 
her labia and other parts of her vulva, the 
clitoris feels the tremors and responds, (Nina 
claims she once produced un orgasm by tug- 
ging on her lover's pubic hairs.) As for pene- 
tration, wait for your wife to invite you in- 
side. Nina's husband, Dave, makes a cameo 
on her video to offer this rule of thumb: “If 
her hips rise, she’s ready. The hips never lie.” 
If your lover asks for your fingers, don't 
shove them in deep. Most nerve endings are 
within two inches of the vaginal opening, so 
gently but firmly caress that area. If she 
wants more than your fingers, well, you 
don't need us for that. 


ІМ, girlfriend cheated on me with a 
friend of mine. She says she did it to 
make sure I'm the only one she could 
ever love. I want to believe she just made 
a mistake, but I play the event over and 
over in my head, and then I want to hit 
something. When I'm with her I insist 
she stick by my side. I don't like living 
like this—I want to trust her again. She 
Knows that without this control 1 won't 
be part of a relationship with anyone. 
That's not going to change, so please 
don't tell me it's a problem I need to re- 
solve. I'm writing for advice on how to 
trust her agaín and to find out if you 
think that I should give her another 
chance —T.W., Peoria, Illinois 

Let her go, for her own sake. Your girl- 
friend went out for air because you have her 
in a chokehold. Do you read her mail too? 
You can’t build trust if you don't contribute, 
and you can't do that unless you relinquish 
control. Since you're not prepared to do that, 


we declare this relationship doomed. You 
trust our advice enough to write, so take it 
and get help before you hurt someone. 


IM, employer is sending me to work in 
Europe for a year or so. I'm hoping to 
get lucky. but none of the phrase books 
Гуе seen offer translations that have to 
do with meeting women, or taking them 
to bed. Any suggestions?—R.T., New 
York, New York 

We can't imagine many situations in 
which you would need an interpreter during 
sex—body language is universal, But a well- 
placed “You're unld in bed!” spoken in your 
lover's native language could score points. 
“Hot! International,” a seven-language 
phrase book published by Babelcom (800- 
468-9673), provides help with hundreds of 
unorthodox but useful questions and phras- 
es. Try your hand mangling translations for 
“Got a light?” “Is he your boyfriend?” 
“Want to go for a walk?” "Let's go to 
my place,” “You have beautiful breasts," 
“Watch your nails!" “Doggy style?” “That 
was the best sex Гое ever had,” “Can we try 
again?” and finally, “Are you sure Гт the 
father?” Don't forget to spend some of your 
time with the German, French, Spanish, 
Italian, Portuguese and Czech negotiations 
for safer sex. 


Р, ъс is my husband's favorite mag- 
azine. That's not a problem—I have my 
own collection of reading pleasures. The 
problem is that he hides them all over 
the house. For example, I was painting 
the basement and found some in the 
ductwork, When I say something he gets 
upset and says he won't buy them any- 
more. I tell him, "Keep buying them, but 
how about sharing?” I keep all my 


ILLUSTRATION EYISTVAN BANYAL 


books, videos and toys on my night- 
stand, within easy reach, so there's no 
need for him to feel ashamed about what 
he reads. This has been going on for ten 
years. Should I give up or fight for him 
to open up? He's so anal he doesn't even 
talk or moan during sex. What can I do? 
I want a full, open sex Ше with my hus- 
band.—D.S., lowa City, lowa 

Many men read PLAYBOY as an escape. It 
represents their “space.” If a guys wife 
shares all his interests—sports, vintage cars, 
naked women—how can he ever sneak 
? We don't condone hoarding the mag- 
azine—we love women who love PLAYBOY— 
but we understand it, Your husband's stash 
has little to do with your real problem, which 
is that you want him to be more expressive. 
We assume you've told him this. Have you 
shared your toys? Many men are pleasautly 
surprised to learn that vibrators are unisex 
Perhaps you could persuade him to read erot- 
ic stories aloud with you, or simply describe 
what you're doing, or what he likes. But 
don’t take it personally if your husband 
doesn't become a talker or moaner overnight. 
That's fine. Not everyone enjoys chatter dur- 
ing sex, and there are other ways to express 
yourself in bed. 


ашн 


Hn 1993 you said the original ben-wa 
balls contained a dollop of mercury, 
which kept them in motion in the vagi- 
na. I read somewhere that the original 
balls were made of di: r metals. 
When inserted into the moist environ- 
ment of the vagina, these metals set up 
an electrochemical reaction (as occurs 
when you touch a tinfoil gum wrapper to 
a silver amalgam tooth filling). The re- 
sulting reaction kept the vagina lubricat- 
ed and left the woman feeling aroused. 
The original ben-wa balls certainly 
sound more inspiring than the ones of 
fered today. What do you think?— 
Omaha, Nebraska 

The history of ben-wa balls is murky. Leg- 
end has it that they began as hollow balis 
made of ivory that were Alk in the vagina 
for pleasure or to provide a sense of fullness. 
Some say they contained mercury; others dis- 
agree. One source places them in Japan as 
long аз 2500 years ago. Another, Fischer's 
Erotic Encyclopedia (on CD-ROM, 888- 
611-9999), claims the Dutch introduced 
"rinno-tama" to the Japanese in the 17th 
century. “The balls were paired, one gold 
and hollow, the other silver and solid,” the 
encyclopedia explains. “Tiny blades were fit- 
ted inside the hollow ball, which produced a 
musical chime with movement.” Whatever 
their origin, ben-wa balls are no sexual mar- 
vels. For starters, nothing is going Lo move 
around much in the unaroused vagina (it's 
not a cavern), so the sensations are subtle at 
best. However, the folks at Good Vibrations 
say that some female motorcyclists and bus 


PLAYBOY 


40 


drivers who wear ben-wa balls on the road 
report satisfying results. 


Is there such a thing as male meno- 
pause? If so, what can I do about it?— 
TL., Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania 

While women’s hormone levels drop dra- 
matically, usually in their early 505, теп ex- 
perience a more gradual shifi. One study 
found that men’s testosterone levels drop 
about one percent annually from age 39 to 
70. As men age, their bodies sag. They take 
longer to heal from illnesses or injuries. They 
have less physical endurance. They may feel 
depressed, anxious, irritable or indecisive. 
They have less interest in sex, less forceful 
ejaculations and difficulty achieving and 
maintaining erections. What role testos- 
terone or other hormones play in this re- 
mains unclear. That's one reason to be cau- 
tious about testosterone therapy, which can 
increase your rish of prostate cancer and. 
may not cure erectile dysfunction if the prob- 
lem is high blood pressure, arteriosclerosis, 
diabeles, depression or another illness. Sci- 
entists are studying the effects of various hor- 
mones on the symptoms of middle age. In the 
meantime, exercise, good nutrition and reg- 
ular medical exams are always a good idea. 


During the past seven years my wife 
has never made a spontaneous sexual 
gesture, I ask and she gives, but I'm 
tired of asking. It isn’t the same if you 
have to ask. What can I do?—A.B., Mid- 
dictown, Connecticut 

This is a common complaint, and it stems 
from the fact that men and women view sex 
‘from different perspectives. The man often 
takes a “let's get it on” approach. The wom- 
an usually sees sex as part of a larger experi- 
ence. Help your wife set up a sensual situa- 
tion that leads to sex, rather than asking her 
lo shove you onto the bed. Suggest that she 
initiate a romantic evening—she plans it, 
and you take care of the logistics. If you pay 
attention to what she does to set the mood, 
you'll learn a lot about how she approaches 
sex. For most people, sex is more than ac- 
tion—it’s interaction. If you need a gentle 
push in the right direction, pick up a copy of 
“101 Great Quickies” or “101 Nights of 
Great Sex” (800-611-2665) by Laura Corn. 
Each book contains sealed pages perforated 
at the spine, You and your wife cach remove 
pages, which offer instructions for quickies 
or seductions. “The recipes are kept secret, so 
your bedmate will never know which ideas 
came from the book and which you invent- 
ed,” Com says. “The sense of expectancy is 
what elevates sex from mundane to magnifi- 
cent.” The value of these books, besides the 
creative sex, is that they require couples to 
take turns taking charge. 


Does the gene for penis size come from 
the father’s side or the mother's side?— 
Е.Т., Morristown, New Jersey 

You can thank or blame both parents, 
though your father probably had more influ- 
ence. As Charles Panati writes in "Sexy Ori- 


gins & Intimate Things”: “Penile size, as 
wilh many male characteristics, is largely a 
matter of heredity. If Dad is hung, there's a 
good probability his sons will be too." While 
we're on the topic, the length of a man’s pe- 
nis has nothing to do with his height or the 
size of his nose, feet or hands. There is an in- 
verse correlation, however, to the price of his 
automobile. 


Um getting married this fall. We're won- 
dering if we should get separate or joint 
bank accounts. What does the Advisor 
recommend?—B.D., Omaha, Nebraska 

We recommend a joint account with some- 
опе who's rich. If you can’t work that out, 
slick with separate accounts. They offer more 
independence, belter protection from credi- 
tors and an easier break if the relationship 
sours. Since many couples say their fights 
center on money, separate accounts may help 
ease tensions about who's paying his or her 
fair share. A joint account has some advan- 
tages, such as lower fees and easier account- 
ing, but not enough for our tastes. Consider 
your personalities. Is one of you a spend- 
thrift and the other frugal? Go with separate 
accounts. Are you both CPAs? You may be 
able to manage his, hers and ours accounts. 
Is great that you're thinking about this 
now, before you get married. As Ken Kurson 
writes in “Green Magazine's Guide to Per- 
sonal Finance,” his new money book for peo- 
ple in their 20s and 30s: “Finances have a 
way of bringing cut the worst in a couple. 
Rul remember: No matter hom antragenns 
your mate’s spending patterns, you haven't 
glimpsed expensive until you've been 
divorced.” 


About a month ago, right before ex- 
ams, my girlfriend dumped me. After a 
weck of calling her, I learned what was 
wrong. She left because of my religious 
beliefs, or lack ofthem. She decided that 
any guy she dates has to be a Christian, 
and that qualities such as loyalty and 
honesty come second. I was shocked. I 
treated her well and never judged her. 
She believes she settled for someone in- 
ferior to what her church has set as a 
standard. I feel totally rejected. She now 
says she’s a sinner for having gone out 
with me because we had sex a few times 
and aren't getting married. What is the 
best way to deal with people who allow 
religion to dictate their lives’—P.R., 
Cedar Falls, lowa 

We try nal to. Don't feel too bad —it's hard 
for anyone to compele with the son of God. 
Better you find a doubting Thomasine who 
doesn't have all the answers. 


Cana person daim membership in the 
mile high club if there is an orgasm in- 
volved but no penetration? In other 
words, does a hand job count?—M.G., 
Denver, Colorado 

A hand job counts, barely. A hand job from 
the flight attendant definitely counis. A wet 
dream about the flight attendant does not 


count. If you're after penetration, book a 
redeye, grab a blanket and an empty row and 
wait for the movie to start. The lavatory 
might work too, but you should skip the ciga- 
reltes afterward. 


АЛ, buddies and I are wondering: Has 
anyone figured out how to cure a hang- 
over?—T.R., East Lansing, Michigan 

The party animals at “New Scientist” 
magazine recently surveyed toxicologists for 
their advice, and they found that traditional 
remedies often work best. That means drink- 
ing plenty of water before you hit ihe sack (to 
keep your brain from shrinking), eating be- 
fore and while you drink (to slow the absorp- 
tion of alcohol), consuming sweetened tea in 
the morning (to replace depleted blood sug- 
ars) and drinking more booze when you get 
up. Some researchers say the last method— 
“the hair of the dog”—works only because 
ethanol (i.e., the intoxicating agent in li- 
quor) doesn’t cause hangovers. Instead, it's 
another substance present in booze— 
methanol—that packs the punch. (Cheap red 
wine, cognac, fruit brandy and whiskey have 
the most methanol.) A morning nip keeps the 
liver busy processing ethanol, so methanol is 
broken down more gradually. That, in turn, 
eases hangover symptoms. You might also 
find relief with N-acetyl-cysteine, sold in 
health food stores. It helps cleanse the body of 
booze's toxic debris. The best advice, of 
course, is to know your limit. 


Oe of the things I love to do with my 
girlfriend is to use paintbrushes on her 
back, neck, legs and genitals. I use a va- 
riety of sizes—small for delicate areas 
and larger ones on her back. Last spring 
I bought a vibrator. I was doing my rou- 
tine with the brushes and decided to 
hold them against the vibrator, using 
both to massage her. The result was a 
long night with a very aroused girl- 
friend. Have you heard of this combina- 
tion?—].W., Auburn, Alabama 

It’s new to us, but we're never surprised by 
the ingenuity of our readers. You couldn't 
have chosen a better canvas. 


All reasonable questions —from fashion, food 
and drink, stereo and sports cars to dat- 
ing dilemmas, taste and etiquette—will be 
personally answered if the writer includes a 
self-addressed, slamped envelope. The most 
provocative, pertinent questions will be pre- 
sented in these pages each month. Write the 
Playboy Advisor, pLavnoy, 680 North Lake 
Shore Drive, Chicago, Illinois 60611, or ad 
visor@playbay.com (because of volume, ше 
cannot respond to all e-mail inquiries). Look 
for responses lo our most frequently asked 
questions al www.playboy.com/fag, and 
check out the Advisor's latest collection of sex 
tricks, “365 Ways to Improve Your Sex Life” 
(Plume), available in bookstores or by phon- 
ing 800-423-9494. 


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THE PLAYBOY FORUM 


his year marks the 25th an- 
\ niversary of Roe us. Wade, the 
U.S. Supreme Court decision 
that legalized abortion. It is an appro- 
priate time to remember the late Dr. 
Robert Spencer. 

When Spencer was in high school, 
his father, a district attorney, had a 
case brought to him by a renowned 
minister whose daughter had been 
receiving bizarre, threatening letters. 
An investigation brought out the fact 
that the girl was pregnant and didn't 
want to be, and that she had written 
the letters to herself. The minister 
blew his brains out. Spencer 
eventually went to medical school 
and, decades later, recalled his 
reaction to that case: 

“I thought, Good gracious, to 
think a person could feel that 
way, and look what a few little 
cells removed at a time like that 
could have saved. I could have 
saved, certainly, the life of the fa- 
ther. Whatever became of the girl 
after that, 1 don't know.” 

And so it came to pass that Dr. 
Spencer began performing Ше- 
gal abortions. His reputation 
spread, and he became known 
as the Saint. He had originally 
served as an Army doctor during 
World War One, then as a pathol- 
ogist at a hospital in Ashland, 
Pennsylvania. 

At a time when 5000 women 
were killed each year by criminal 
abortionists who charged as 
much as $1500, Dr. Spencer per- 
formed safe operations for as lit- 
tle as $5 and never more than $100. 
He built living facilities at his clinic 
for black patients, who were not al- 
lowed to obtain overnight lodgings 
elsewhere in Ashland. Although Ash- 
land was a small, Catholic town, Dr. 
Spencer's work was tolerated. 

The walls of his office were decorat- 
ed with those wooden signs tourists 
like to buy. One, on the ceiling over 
his operating table, read KEEP CALM. 
He was the cheerful personification 
of an old-fashioned physician. He 
used folksy expressions such as “by 
golly,” and rarely said the word preg- 


nant. Rather, he would say, “She was 
that way.” 

In 1962 I interviewed him for The 
Realist, promising that 1 would go to 
prison rather than reveal his identity. 

After the interview was published, I 
began to get phone calls from women 
in desperate search of a safe abortion- 
ist. It was preposterous that they 
should have to seek help from the ed- 
itor of an offbeat satirical magazine, 
but they simply didn’t know where 
else to turn. 

With Dr. Spencer's permission, I 
referred those callers to him, several 


every day. I had never intended to 
become an underground abortion re- 
ferral service, but the alternative was 
to turn away those asking for help. 


In January 1966, I flew to San 
Francisco for a conference on abor- 
tion and human rights, sponsored by 
the Society for Humane Abortion. 
‘There had never been such an event, 
except for an unofficial convention 
a few years earlier in Atlantic City 


By PAUL KRASSNER 


attended by three retired doctors. 
While I was in San Francisco, Penn- 
sylvania state police raided Dr. 
Spencer's clinic and arrested him. 

Political pressure kept him out of 
jail, but he was finally forced to retire 
from his practice. I continued, how- 
ever, referring women to physicians 
Dr. Spencer had recommended. Oc- 
casionally a patient would offer me 
money, but I never accepted. When- 
ever a doctor offered me a kickback, I 
refused, but I also insisted that he 
give a discount for the same amount 
to those patients referred by me- 

Dr. Spencer died in January 
1969. He would have been 80 that 
March. In September of that year 
I was subpoenaed to appear before 
a grand jury investigating criminal 
charges against abortionists. 1 
refused to testify. Bronx District 
Attorney (now Judge) Burton 
Roberts threatened me with prison 
if I didn't reveal the names of doc- 
tors who performed abortions. I 
still refused. 

Then Roberts promised me im- 
munity from prosecution if | coop- 
erated. He warned me that inves- 
tigators had uncovered one 
abortionist's financial records, 
which revealed that I had re- 
ceived money, thus proving that I 
had been engaged in a criminal 
conspiracy for profit. “That's not 
true,” I said with confidence. 

At that point my attorney Gerald 
Lefcourt filed suit on my behalf, 
challenging the constitutionality of 
the abortion laws. He pointed out 
that the D.A. had no power to investi- 
gate the violation of an unconstitu- 
tional Jaw and therefore could not 
force me to testify. I became the only 
plaintiff in the first lawsuit to declare 
the abortion laws unconstitutional in 
New York. 

Later, various women’s groups 
joined the suit, and ultimately the 
New York legislature repealed the 
criminal sanctions against abortion, 
prior to the Supreme Court decision 
in Roe vs. Wade. Had Dr. Spencer lived 
to see that day, he would have been 
extremely gratified. 


41 


42 


WEM hc 25th anniversary of Roe из. 

Wade, the 1973 Supreme Court 
r decision that legalized abortion, 
prompted a torrent of editorials on the 
history of the pro-choice movement. 
Many cast the battle for abortion rights 
as one between the sexes: A harsh pa- 
triarchal society insists on keeping 
women barefoot and pregnant while 
fundamentalists trumpet the message 
“Be fruitful and multiply.” Opposing 
that view are women who used Roe vs. 
Wade to establish the right to choose 
when or if they will reproduce. 

A New York Times/CBS poll released 
on the anniversary of Roe vs. Wade re- 
vealed that 32 percent of wom- 
en wanted abortion to remain 
generally available, 44 percent 
thought it should be placed 
under stricter limits and 21 
percent said it should be pro- 
hibited. The figures for men 
were almost identical: Thir- 
ty-one percent wanted abor- 
tion to be generally available, 
45 percent thought there 
should be stricter limits and 23 
percent wanted it outlawed. 

Reporting on the poll, Chi- 
cago Tribune columnist Stephen 
Chapman thought he knew 
why some men had joined 
the pro-choice movement over 
the years: “rLAysoy has always 
vocally endorsed abortion 
rights,” he wrote. “You don't 
have to be a genius to under- 
stand why.” 

A cheap shot. 

Chapman implies that PLAYBOY'S po- 
sition on abortion derives from self-in- 
terest—that we defend a man's desire 
not to "be held hostage by anyone he 
happens to impregnate.” Of course we 
are motivated by self-interest. But not 
the kind that Chapman blithely offers. 

The Tribune columnist needs to do 
his homework. In the Sixties both men 
and women welcomed technological 
advances (the pill, the IUD) that sepa- 
rated sex from procreation, that al- 
lowed adults to explore pleasure and 
intimacy before marriage, within mar- 
riage or after marriage without the fear 
of pregnancy. 


AAA playboy's position on abortion SONGS 


Still, none of these methods is fool- 
proof. Men and women demanded the 
right “not to be held hostage” to fail- 
ures of contraception. No one wanted 
to play reproductive roulette. The mo- 
rality that Americans created in the 
Sixties was simple: All children should 
be wanted. Shotgun weddings do not 
benefit women, children or men. 

PLAYBOY opposed those who thought 
the wages of sin should be disease, dis- 
grace and death. Even today there are 
those who want a girl who “gets into 
trouble” to endure pregnancy as pun- 
ishment, or redemption. 

When PLAYBOY first mentioned abor- 


tion rights, it was estimated that 5000 
women a year died from botched abor- 
tions. We did not want any woman— 
girlfriend, sister, daughter, friend or 
wife—to fall victim to butchery. 

PLAYBOY reached its position from a 
level of discourse that defined freedom 
for both sexes as “the right to be let 
alone.” Years before the Supreme 
Court carved out the right to privacy, 
in Griswold vs. Connecticut, Stanley vs. 
Georgia, Eisenstadt vs. Baird and Roe ws. 
Wade, Hugh Hefner was arguing for 
just that in The Playboy Philosophy. 

“No human act between two people 
is more intimate, more private, more 


› 


personal than sex,” wrote Hefner, “and 
one would assume that a democratic 
society that prided itself on freedom of 
the individual would be deeply con- 
cerned with any attempted infringe- 
ment of liberty in this most private act.” 

He was outraged that “our demo- 
cratic government, dedicated to the 
doctrine of individual freedom and the 
establishment of a permissive society, 
nevertheless invades our most private 
domain and dictates the details of our 
most personal behavior. The govern- 
ment asserts that our very bodies do 
not belong to us—that we cannot use 
them in our own way, and at our own 
discretion, but only when and 
how the state permits.” 

In December 1965 rtavBov 
became the first national mag- 
azine to advocate legal abor- 
tion—on the grounds that wom- 
en have the same rights as men 
to control their own bodies, 
and should be able to choose 
whether or not to bear chil- 
dren. The magazine’s support 
for the right of privacy was 
more than vocal: The Playboy 
Foundation funded early test 
cases in both abortion rights 
and gay rights. The Foun- 
dation funded the National 
Association for Repeal of Abor- 
tion Laws and other organiza- 
tions that to this day fight ef- 
forts to restrict reproductive 
rights. 

Why gay rights? (See if Chap- 
man can weave a conspiracy of 
self-interest out of that position.) Hef- 
ner saw that the right of privacy ex- 
tends to all adults, regardless of gender 
or sexual orientation, An essential lib- 
erty cannot apply to one segment of 
the country’s citizens and not another. 

PLAYBOY became increasingly vocal in 
the late Eighties, when the religious 
right launched a major assault. When 
one side of this debate resorts to bomb- 
ings, abortion ceases to be solely a wom- 
an’s issue. Just ask the policeman who 
took his slain partner's place outside 
the Birmingham clinic. We want to pro- 
tect rights. It doesn’t take a genius to 
understand why. 


In March 1997 we covered the story 
of Adam Lack, the Brown University 
undergraduate who had the misfor- 
tune of having sex with Sara Klein. It 
seems that she, having gotten soused at 
a fraternity party. urged him on, first 
with kisses and then by taking off her 
clothes. He took that as a sign of sex- 
ual interest and obliged. Klein later 
charged that Lack sexually assaulted 
her because he yielded to her advances 
while she was drunk. Her complaint 
argued, in essence, that a responsible 
man would have waited to 
see if her randiness persist- 
ed once she sobered up. 
Lack said the woman nev- 
er struck him as being out 
of her senses. 

In a long succession of 
disciplinary hearings— 
accompanied by press 
coverage and protests 
against Lack on cam- 
pus—Lack was put on pro- 
bation, forced into counseling 
and eventually suspended 
from the university. One fe- 
male student at Brown reflect- 
ed, “In ten years I won't re- 
member the names of a lot of 
people 1 know now. But I'll al- 
ways remember Adam Lack’s 
name.” So will others. Seeking 
redress, Lack sued Brown U 
versity for gender discrimina- 
tion and negligence. He sued 
Klein for libel. In December 
Lack finally earned some jus- 
tice. He settled his suits with 
the university and Klein, and 
Lack's campus status was restored to 
“good standing.” Officially, that re- 
versed all actions against him. Yet he 
still lives with the stigma of the charge. 

In a less enlightened time, female 
victims of sexual assault feared that 
word of their plight would leave them 
branded as wanton, slutty or immoral. 
‘Today, any suggestion on campus or in 
the workplace that a woman is a sexual 
being is verboten. Absurd sexual ha- 
rassment charges against men do at 
least as much damage, labeling them 
miscreant and predatory. It is interest- 
ing to note that Brown's muddled зех- 


THE BACKLASH BEGINS 


what happens when men accused of date rape or 
sexual harassment fight back? 


TED 6. FISHMAN 


ual harassment policy was forged after 
a campaign by campus feminists to out 
men on campus who, through gossip 
and innuendo, had been branded 
rapists. The feminists’ modus operandi 
was to post lists of men’s names in bath- 
rooms—the men would be tried and 
convicted from the impartial distance 
of the crapper. Some accusers might 
see this haphazard branding as a form 
of payback, or justice for collective 
guilt. Pure spite puts it better. Brown 
administrators had been brainwashed; 
almost all campus codes say “believe 


the victim.” The Adam Lack case was a 
step toward restoring balance, if not to- 
ward restoring justice. 

In the world of business, sexual ha- 
rassment policies have forced cautious 
executives to “believe the victim.” Law- 
suits have punished companies that did 
not react to charges, or reacted too 
slowly. But now, a jury in Milwaukee 
has told the world that things have 
gone too far. Last summer it awarded 
Jerold Mackenzie $26.6 million after 
finding, among other things, that a fe- 
male co-worker's charges against him 
were groundless and that company ex- 


ecutives overreacted in firing him. Re- 
cently, a Wisconsin judge upheld all 
but $1.9 million of the award. 

‘The charges against Mackenzie were 
filed in 1993, after he recapped part of 
a Seinfeld episode to a colleague, Patri- 
cia Best. In the show Jerry forgets the 
name of the woman he is dating but 
knows it rhymes with a female body 
part. The girlfriend's name is Dolores. 
When Mackenzie mentioned that he 
was surprised NBC censors had al- 
lowed the show to air, Best wondered 
what he was talking about. He asked 
her several times if she had fig- 

urcd out the rhyming word. 
She said that she hadn't. Even- 
tually, Mackenzie showed Best 
the entry for “clitoris” in a dic- 
tionary. Best complained to 
company administrators about 
the incident. saying that Mac- 
kenzie had leered at her crotch 
when he brought her the dic- 
tionary. After a series of meet- 
ings, Mackenzie was fired from 
his $95,000-a-year job. After 
two years and 71 attempts to 
find a new job, Mackenzie con- 
cluded that Best's charges had 
made him unemployable. “This 
case was not about sexual! ha- 
rassment,” he told The Wash- 
ington Post. “This case was 
about their actions costing me 
my job, my good name and my 
future.” Following a three- 
week trial, the jury sided with 
Mackenzie in a big way. 

Although he sought $9.2 
million as compensation for lost 
wages and benefits, the panel of ten 
women and two men came back with 
the $26.6 million award, most of it for 
punitive damages. It was the largest 
dollar judgment by a jury in Wiscon- 
sin history. One factor weighing in 
Mackenzie's favor was that Best herself 
had been the subject of complaints at 
work, where she often used salty lan- 
guage. In a deposition Best admit- 
ted that she said “fuck” a lot around 
the office. Was she a victim? The jury 
thought not, 

We're heartened to see the return of 


some common sense. 


44 


R E 


RATINGS AND FILTERS 

Some of the solutions pro- 
posed for problems with adult 
content on the Internet in pub- 
lic settings are a bit simplistic 
in Chip Rowe's article “How Do 
You Rate?” (The Playboy Forum, 
March). People who suggest 
that parents should always su- 
pervise their children's com- 
puter use aren't familiar with 
the realities of single parenting. 
Those who suggest that there 
isn't much raw stuff on the Net 
haven't spent much time on Ya- 
hoo or using a basic search en- 
gine (where once, while look- 
ing for the definition of the 
phrase Erin go bragh, | found a 
link to a Web site called Erin Go 
Braghlass—funny to me but 
probably not to caregivers who 
feel this is inappropriate for 
children). 

With respect to Rowe's arti- 
cle concerning Internet con- 
tent filters (“Filtering Out ‘Bad’ 
Ideas,” The Playhoy Forum, 
March), you will probably hear 
from people who tell you that 
all you need to do is “tweak” fil- 
tering software to make it work 
better. Thisis like saying it's OK 
to drive a Pinto if you wear an 
asbestos suit. We know from ex- 
perience that filters never work 
perfectly, and to many informa- 
tion professionals, that’s not 
OK. Tweaked so they don't 
block a lot of other informa- 
tion—which in some filters in- 
dudes categories such as “ac- 


SAGE WISDOM 


“Pot is easy то grow, hut if the cops find your 
crop, they'll seize your house and land and 
throw your behind in the slammer for decades, 
so you'll want to plan accordingly. One solution 
is to grow your pot on land that i: 
they can’t seize it. [f you plant it in the guy next 
door's yard and the cops get it, they'll seize his 
house instead of yours, even if he didn't know 
anything about it. That's not fair, of course, but 
don’t feel bad; you didn't make that asinine law, 
did you?” 

—Grandpa's Marijuana Handbook: A User Guide 

for Ages 50 & Up ву EVAN KELIHER (PEDACOGUE 


PRESS, www. grand paspotbook.com) 


't yours so 


E R 


to provide the winning answer. 
In short, you let us do our job— 
providing reading and infor- 
mation services to the public. 
But with content filters, we're 
letting some third-party com- 
pany with who knows what 
agenda make these choices for 
us. I'm uncomfortable with 
that, and I hope you are, too. 
Increasingly, you will see fil- 
ters in libraries because the 
conservative right is so well or- 
ganized and focused on this is- 
sue. However, many library sys- 
tems have chosen to filter 
selectively by providing some 
filtered and some unfiltered ac- 
cess to the Internet. My book, A 
Practical Guide to Internet Fil- 
ters, talks about how filters 
work, how to select them and 
alternatives to their use. In 
your community, encourage 
librarians to go slowly and to 
consider alternatives, and 
support them as they make 
their decisions. The religious 
right would love to make deci- 
sions for librarians, because 
they know we almost always 
side with the First Amendment. 
Find out more at http://www. 
ala.org. 
Karen Schneider 
Councilor-at-Large 
American Library Association 
Brunswick, New York 


I was puzzled by your attack 
on the rating system of the 
Recreational Software Adviso- 


tivist groups,” “homosexuality” 
and "sports"—they will always let 
through some pornography. Give an 
enterprising kid half an hour, and he 
or she will show you what the filters let 
through. More disturbing is that re- 
gardless of how carefully they are 
tweaked, filters always block material 
you wouldn't block yourself. These are 
mechanical tools wrapped around sub- 
jective judgment— what's little for thee 
may be much for me. 

Consider the message sent to a gay 
teenager when all information about 
homosexuality is blocked. We started 
the Internet Filter Assessment Project 
Not, as you suggest, because the Boston 
Public Library was filtering computers, 
but because I had become curious 
about the impact of filters after doing a 


search on the effect of estrogenic dis- 
rupters on the genitalia of aquatic ani- 
mals. Sure enough, many filters block 
resources related to genitalia, as if 
there were no other than a salacious 
use for this information. 

As for the question of public good, 
let's look at the nature of filters. Since 
their lists of targeted sites are not avail- 
able to the public, you never know 
what's being blocked. In a library that 
means librarians aren't in charge of 
making those decisions. You place a 
Jot of trust in our hands under other 
circumstances: We put books on the 
shelves and decide when to take them 
off; you trust us with your kids for 
hours on end; you call us from the local 
bar with $20 riding on a bet and ask us 


ry Council. The last time I 
checked, РгАҮВОҮ rated its Web site with 
the RSAC and even included a link to 
the RSAC's home page. So you are 
against ratings but you use them. How 
does that work? 
David Green 
Dallas, Texas 
We rate to help parents who don't want 
their children to access the adult material on 
our site. That's far different from being com- 
pelled by government officials or industry 
leaders to rate or risk having our site shut 
doum. The RSAC's system has the same 
flaws as any censorship tool, but those flaws 
become dangerous only if ratings become 
mandatory. 


The Anti-Defamation League has 
joined with Cyber Patrol to develop a 


с E o E y e ëO 
Pay O TEN 


К ЧЕ 5 


filter that blocks sites the organization 
considers hateful. Last spring, the ADL 
made an unsuccessful attempt to pres- 
sure America Online to eliminate a 
Web page endorsing the Ku Klux Klan, 
so its collaboration with Cyber Patrol 
comes as no surprise. 

But the ADL took filtering a step fur- 
ther: If a surfer attempts to reach a site 
on thc filter's hit list, he or she is auto- 
matically sent to the ADL home page. 
"That's one way to increase your Web 
site's visitor count. 

Roger Brown 
New York, New York 


“Filtering Out ‘Bad’ Ideas” is both 
misleading and inaccurate in its char- 
acterization of the use of Internet 
pornography-filtering software in li- 
braries. The author spends much of his 
time retelling the hoary tale that filters 
used in libraries rely on word blocking, 
and thereby prevent innocent users 
from accessing Web sites that contain a 
certain word, such as breast or penis 
Despite the author's claim, this type of 
Net blocking is rarely used in public 
libraries. 

Those libraries, like nearly all that 
filter, rely exclusively on address block- 
ing, which targets a select list of Web 
site addresses. Admittedly, these black- 
lists are not without problems. Many 
companies do not want to give away 
their trade secrets, but those with the 
better filters spell out the criteria they 
use to censor pornographic sites. Many 
of these companies have strict editorial 
policies, appeals processes and adviso- 
ry boards. 

It is also true that these companies 
make mistakes, There are many color- 
ful anecdotes about sites maintained 
by the Quakers and the White House 
that have been mistakenly blocked by 
filters. But the number of such bad 
blocks is small. 

Recently I surveyed 24 library ad- 
ministrators to determine how often 
they receive complaints about Web 
sites that have been inappropriately 
blocked. The average number of com- 
plaints received per month was 1.6, 
with 71 percent receiving one or no 
complaints per month. Seven of the li- 
braries reported that they have never 
received a complaint. 

Rowe uses an unfortunate statistic 
quoted from The Internet Filter As- 
sessment Project “study” conducted by 
a group of antifiltering librarians 


whose leader compared librarians who 
use filters to “the firemen in Fahrenheit 
451. Over 35 percent of the time, the 
filters blocked some information librar- 
ians needed to answer a question.” 
This statement seems to imply that 
during normal use by a librarian, the 
filter will interfere with Web site access 
35 percent of the time. In fact, this fig- 
ure refers to situations in which words 
were entered deliberately to trip word- 
blocking filters. 

While pLaynoy can be found in many 
public libraries, Hustler, Deep Throat 
and Debbie Does Dallas cannot. Yet the 
free-speech absolutists who oppose fil- 
tering insist that all libraries be com- 
pelled to carry this type of material in 
online form, and even be forced to of 


= E 


fer it to children. Proponents of filter- 
ing software ask that libraries be al- 
lowed to make the content of their on- 
line offerings consistent with the books 
on their shelves. What's so unreason- 
able about that? 

David Burt 

President 

Filtering Facts 

Lake Oswego, Oregon 
We would like to hear your point of view. 
Send questions, opinions and quirky stuff 
to: The Playboy Forum Reader Response, 
PLAYBOY, 680 North Lake Shore Drive, 
Chicago, Illinois 60611. Please include a 
daytime phone number. Fax number: 312- 
951-2939. E-mail: forum@playboy.com 
(please include your city and state). 


FORUM F.Y. 1. 


In 1987 Congress enacted 
federal sentencing guidelines 
as a remedy for escalating 
crime rates nationwide. In the 
ten years since, the guidelines 
have been criticized for being 
too rigid, complex and unwieldy, 
with federal judges voicing the 
most-strenuous objections. The 
Coalition for Federal Sentencing 
Reform keeps tabs on whether 
or not the guidelines meet their 
original goals (they do not) and 
recommend modifications. The 
coalition's findings: 


Number of prisoners in 1987: 


Number of prisoners in 1997: 


Number of pages in the 1987 
Federal Sentencing Guidelines 
Manual: 325 

Number of pages in the 1997 
Federal Sentencing Guidelines 
Manual: 7 


Number of sentencing ap- 
peals in 1988: 
Number of sentencing ap- 


peals in 1995: 


Percentage of federal trial 
judges who say guidelines 
should be modified so they can 
impose fair sentences: 


Number of prisons built from 
1900 to 1980: 

Number of prisons built from 
1980 to 1995: 3 


Capacity at which the prisons 
are currently operating: 


Percentage of prisoners in 
1994 who were sentenced for 
nonviolent crimes: 


Number of prisoners in 1992 
with nonviolent records, no in- 
volvement in sophisticated crim- 
inal activity and no prior jail 
time: 1 6 

Average length of time those 
prisoners serve: 


(Contact the Coalition at 703- 
684-0373, hcia@igc.apc.org or 
www.sentencing.org.) 


45 


Tug UNNATURAL DISASTER 


The Federal Emergency Manage- 
ment Agency wants you to believe it isa 
noble public-service organization. The 
motto “People helping people” is plas- 
tered on its publications and on the 
walls of its headquarters. A more ac- 
curate slogan would be “People help- 
ing people to other people's mon- 
ey.” Yours, to be exact. 

FEMA's popularity is one more sign 
of the decline of individual responsibil- 
ity in American political culture. 

FEMA shovels out cash when bad 
things happen—be they floods, earth- 
quakes or fires. In the early years of 
this century, the federal government 
offered aid only for disasters of monu- 
mental scale, such as the Mississippi 
floods of 1927. But after President Jim- 
my Carter created FEMA in 1979, the 
number of disasters increased dramati- 
cally—on paper, if not in reality. From 
1983 to 1988, the number of declared 
disasters averaged 25 а yea. Fium 
1989 through 1993, the average rose to 
41 disasters a year. In Clinton's first 
year of office, the actual number of 
disasters was 58. In 1996 the total 
reached 75. Last year the nation was 
less scathed, with a mere 43 cash-in- 
voking calamities. Prior to the Monica 
Lewinsky incident, which so far has 
claimed no FEMA money, Clinton was 
averaging one "major" disaster a week. 

The Clinton administration has de- 
livered more than $25 billion in disas- 
ter aid, $7 billion of it from FEMA 
alone. That's a lot of money for a pho- 
to op: President comes to the rescue. 

Alter the earthquake in Northridge, 
California in January 1994 FEMA sent 
thousands of unsolicited checks for up 
to $3450 to homcowners simply be- 
cause they lived in zip codes that had 
been hit hard. FEMA issued more than 
47,000 checks—totaling $142 million— 
to individuals under a "fast-track" pro- 
cedure that requires no preliminary 
inspection. 

After FEMA's generosity was ex- 
posed by the Los Angeles Times, the 
agency's chief spokesman, Morrie 
Goodman, denied any mistakes had 
been made in the big giveaway: "Any- 
one who says an error was made 
doesn't know what he is talking about. 
We received very few calls from people 
who felt they didn't need the aid." An 


how windfalls weaken america | 


By JAMES BOVARD 


audit later found that FEMA made no 
attempt to recover payments to indi- 
viduals that exceeded what it cost them 
to rent alternative housing or repair 
their homes. 

Like ambulance-chasing lawyers, 
FEMA officials often recruit victims, 
convincing people that their aches and 
pains qualify them for financial relief. 
After a one-day flood in the Milwaukee 
area, a FEMA regional director “urged 
residents who had damage to call the 
FEMA number, even if they thought 
they didn’t qualify for help.” A few 
months after floods in North Dakota 
subsided last spring, the state coordi- 
nating officer for flood relief moaned, 
“We are particularly concerned that se- 
nior citizens whose homes were flood- 
ed may not register for assistance be- 


“IF A CEILING TILE 
FELL FROM A CLAS 
ROOM, THE ENTIRE 
CAMPUS COULD QUALI- 
FY FOR MORE- QUAKE- 

PROOF ANE 2 


cause they do not feel the damage is 
serious." Maybe they're simply honest 
or have been through this before. 

Disaster relief isn't just about helping 
victims, as FEMA director James Witt 
acknowledged to a Senate Appropri- 
ations Committee in 1996. “As we all 
are aware, disasters are very political 
events,” he testified. Accordingly, the 
Clinton administration has stretched 
the definition of major disaster to in- 
clude routine events almost never cov- 
ered before, such as snowfall. 

Last winter's ice storm that toppled 
powerlines and left parts of the North- 
east without electricity might qualify as 
a major disaster. But what about ordi- 
nary snowfalls? Prior to Clinton's tak- 
ing office few blizzards earned disaster 
ratings. Snow accounts for a large por- 
tion of the skyrocketing number of 
federal emergencies. In 1996 Clinton 
shoveled federal aid to 16 states hit by 


old man winter, empowering FEMA to 
reimburse local governments for the 
cost of plowing. FEMA implicitly as- 
sumes that any local or state govern- 
ment is incapable of plowing the snow 
ona main highway after a big storm. 

FEMA's snow bonuses can under- 
mine sound government policies at the 
local level. Consider what happened in 
Vernon, Connecticut. In 1996 this 
town of 30,000 received a FEMA emer- 
gency relief grant of $40,023 to help 
the city cope with damage caused by 
the preceding winter's storms. Yet a 
cursory examination of the town's bud- 
get makes a mockery of the pretenses 
of federal intervention. The total cost 
for snow removal in the winter of 
1995-1996 was $258,000, or $8.60 per 
person. That's probably less than the 
average homeowner would pay a 12- 
year-old to shovel his driveway. The 
town had budgeted $104,516 for snow 
removal, aud thus clainied to be uver- 
whelmed by the heavy costs. What did 
the town managers learn from FEMA's 
generosity? As The Hartford Courant те- 
ported, an “optimistic town council has 
already set the proposed 1996-1997 
snow-removal budget at $69,383, the 
lowest level in 15 years.” Some local of- 
ficials may believe that setting a low 
budget for snow removal—which is 
then exceeded—will make it easier for 
them to shake their tin cup at FEMA. 

Almost any local government ex- 
pense is now considered by some bu- 
reaucrat to be worthy of federal disas- 
ter assistance. After violent storms hit 
Chicago last summer, the Chicago Tri- 
bune reported that the city was seek- 
ing federal aid to cover, among other 
emergency burdens, “the expense of 
such things as extra garbage pickup. 
City Streets and Sanitation Depart- 
ment crews worked 12-hour days for 
most of last week as they picked up ru- 
ined furniture and other debris from 
flood-stricken neighborhoods.” 

Flash floods now count as national 
major disasters. Last July 15 the river 
town of Montgomery Center, Vermont 
was hit by a flash flood. Only a few peo- 
ple in town had flood insurance, and 
damage for a handful of families was 
substantial (though no one was injured 
and no pets were washed away). The 
scant impact did not deter the White 


с БЕКЕ 


House from declaring that “a major 
disaster exists in the state of Vermont.” 
John McClaughry, a former state 
senator from Concord, Vermont, ob- 
served that some FEMA officials “made 
the flood sound like Pearl Harbor.” Mc- 
Claughry claimed Clinton's labeling 
the local flood a major disaster was an 
example of “defining disaster down.” 
President Clinton evidently likes to 
“feel your pain” even when you do not. 
Federal law authorizes FEMA to 
make grants for home repairs (from 
$10,000 to $20,000) to individuals in 
residentially designated disaster areas 
whose homes are damaged severely 
enough to be uninhabitable. With the 
proliferation of disasters—and the 
habit of labeling every outburst by 
mother nature a major disas- 
ter—FEMA faces a problem: 
There often is not enough 
home damage at disaster 
sites for the agency to maxi- 
mize the gifts that it bestows 
upon would-be voters. So 
FEMA liberalized that stan- 
dard by allowing anyone 
whose home has suffered 
more than $100 in damage 
and is deemed eligible to ap- 
ply for a federal handout. 

A report by the inspector 
general found that 89 per- 
cent of the recipients of fed- 
eral home repair allotments 
said their homes were habi 
able. But with FEMA, where 
there’s a handout, there’s 
a way. 

While the original pro- 
gram limited the use of fed- 
eral grants to making homes 
habitable, FEMA now gives 
money to people to buy new 
carpets, cabinets and other 
accoutrements of a comfort- 
able life—all at other peo- 
ple's expense. 

The inspector general 
concluded that more than a 


geles, many schools fit that bill 

FEMA also donated $5.6 million to 
fix the scoreboard at Anaheim Stadium 
(home of the Disney-owned Anaheim 
Angels) and $88 million for repairs and 
upgrades to the Los Angeles Coliseum, 
former home of the NFL Raiders. After 
flash floods in the Palms Springs area 
in 1993 (in what is perhaps an exam- 
ple of Clinton’s compassion for his big 
Democratic donors out West), FEMA 
paid "$871,977 to repair erosion, cart 
paths and sprinklers at the Indian 
Wells Golf Resort in California and 
$246,102 to fix the fairways, greens 
and cart paths at the Palm Springs Golf 
Course.” 

FEMA apparently sees itself as na- 
tional therapist. Lest you think the 


natural disaster, suicide rates go up 
and stay up for several months. Does 
that represent a pressing need? The 
heightened rate boils down to about 
two additional suicides for every 
100,000 survivors. 

Now the agency routinely funds cri- 
sis counseling after a disaster. After 
North Dakota was hit by floods in early 
1997, FEMA awarded a $712,000 cri- 
sis-counseling grant, which paid 200 
“paraprofessionals” to counsel trauma 
victims. A writer for a FEMA tabloid 
bragged that the crisis counselors vis- 
ited elderly women at a nursing hospi- 
tal and “let the women reminisce for 
hours about earlier, more peaceful 
years in Grand Forks.” 

While crisis counseling is a popular 
way to shed money, the Na- 
tional Flood Insurance Pro- 
gram is FEMA's crown jewel. 
Unfortunately, the heavily 
subsidized flood insurance 
bribes people to ignore com- 
mon sense. 

A March 19, 1997 report 
in The Idaho Statesman on the 
recent deluge by the Boise 
River concluded that the 
NFIP “has backfired, putting 
more people in harm's way” 
and has made risky dcvclop- 
ment “look not only possible 
but attractive.” Doug Hard- 
man, coordinator for Boise- 
Ada County Emergency Ser- 
vices, says subsidized flood 
insurance “has done the oppo- 
site of what it was designed 
to do. It has encouraged peo- 
ple to move here and devel- 
opers to develop here.” Scott 
Faber of American Rivers, a 
conservation organization, 
observes, “Prior to the Six- 
ties, you didn’t have much 
development in flood- 
prone areas because you 
couldn't find an insurer crazy 
enough to underwrite it. But 


third of the home repair 
money FEMA doled out in recent di- 
Sasters went to pay for items that 
should not have been covered under 
federal law. 

FEMA now routinely bankrolls lavish 
new buildings to replace those build- 
ings that have received a trivial amount 
of damage. After the Northridge earth- 
the Los Angeles Times report- 
If a single ceiling tile fell from a 
classroom, or a single light fixture was 
jarred loose, the entire [school or col- 
lege] campus could qualify for more- 
quakeproof ceilings or lights, courtesy 
of FEMA's mitigation fund. In Los An- 


agency only pampers the well-to-do, 
consider this: After one earthquake, 
FEMA gave $152,137 to the Los Ange- 
les Alliance for a Drug Free Communi- 
ty, $152,137 to the Community Coali- 
tion for Substance Abuse Prevention 
and Treatment and $365,354 to the 
Asian American Drug Abuse Program. 
Were drug addicts unduly shaken by 
the quake's bad vibes? The money was 
intended for crisis counseling. In fact, 
FEMA doused southern California 
with a total of $36 million for crisis 
counseling in 1994. 

One recent study showed that after a 


the federal government came 
along and said it would cover any dam- 
age, making it financially possible for 
people to live in a floodplain.” 

Now when floods occur, far more 
property is damaged. That's one way 
to create clients. In some cases private 
insurance companies would charge a 
$10,000 annual premium for an insur- 
ance policy that FEMA gives away for a 
few hundred dollars a year. Should we 
have 40 days of rain (or even fewer), 
American taxpayers face more than 
$400 billion in liability. 

When disaster strikes, FEMA makes 
sure everyone gets soaked. 


47 


N E W 


SFR 


) у Ж 


what's happening in the sexual and social arenas 


FINAL SHOW 


MICHIGAN CITY, INDIANA—A month be- 
fore his death, Robert Allen Smith said he 
wanted to sell tickets to his execution for 
$1000 each and donate the money to char- 


ity. (Indiana allows death-row inmates to 
invile up to ten witnesses.) Allen, who 
murdered a fellow prisoner, said the money 
could memorialize the two-year-old girl 
murdered by his victim. But officials were 
sour on the idea, citing a state law that 
prohibits inmates from soliciting money. 


JUDGMENT CALL 


OCALA, FLORIDA—A jury acquitted a 
record store clerk accused of wearing an 
“obscene” T-shirt. The shirt depicted a top- 
less num masturbating and bore the legend 
JESUS is ACUNT. The clerk said he realized 
the shirt, designed to promote the band 
Cradle of Filth, might offend people. But 
he asked, “Since when is it against the law 
to be offensive?” 


EARNING POINTS 


WASHINGTON, D.C—The NOW Legal 
Defense and Education Fund asked 13 
airlines to transfer frequent-flier miles 
earned by Randall Terry to its staff and 
clients. Terry, the former head of Opera- 
tion Rescue, owes the fund more than 
$500,000 in court-ordered fines. “These 
NOW are child killers,” he ranted 
to “The New York Times.” “Let them use 
my frequent-flier miles for their train ride 


to Hades.” Terry appears to be on a quick- 
er path to hell—he's running for Congress 
in New York State. 


SPOOKS AMONG US 


WASHINGTON, D.C—The CIA has al- 
ways insisted that it spies only on foreign- 
ers. So il came as a surprise to the founder 
of “Gay Insurgent” magazine when he dis- 
covered that the agency had kept track of 
his activities. He sued, and the CIA agreed 
10 pay his legal costs and expunge his file. 
The agency has also updated its Web site. 
Hi now acknowledges that the agency spies 
on Americans, but only if there is “an au- 
thorized intelligence purpose.” 


HARASSMENT BEEF 


BISHOP, CALIFORNIA—A supermarket 
butcher sued for slander after a female 
stock clerk accused him of cutting lamb 
shoulders to resemble vulvae. She said she 
felt sexually harassed. The butcher said he 
had made the same cut for at least two 
decades without complaints and that it was 
not meant to resemble anything. Neverthe- 
less, managers transferred him to another 
store in the chain, 


DOUBLE TROUBLE 


OLYMPIA, WASHINGTON—The state sen- 
ate passed a bill that would require doctors 
to notify parents if their underage son gets 
a minor pregnant and she seeks an abor- 
tion. The bill would also require doctors to 
notify the girls parents, which is less un- 
usual. According to the National Abortion 
and Reproductive Rights Action League, 
17 states require minor girls to notify at 
least one parent or guardian before getting 
an abortion, and another 22 states require 
parental consent. 


REAL SEX, REAL PAY 


LOS ANGELES—The Screen Actors Guild 
rejected an application from an adult-film 
performer, saying her work is too far out- 
side the mainstream. Dalny Marga says 
the only thing that distinguishes her from 
other actors is that her sex scenes aren't 


simulated. 
HIV ALERT 


ORLANDO—A judge ordered a 20-year- 
old man to have potential sex partners sign 


а consent form acknowledging he's HIV- 
positive. Jerrime Day slept with a 16-year- 
old girl in 1996 but didn't tell her he was 
infected. When the girl tested positive, she 
went lo authorities. Days lawyer said his 
client's current girlfriend will be the first to 
sign the form. 


WARNING SHOT 


FARMINGTON HILLS, MICHIGAN—To 
play it safe, professor Joel Cohen of Oak- 
land Community College hands out a dis- 
daimer at the beginning of his introducto- 
ту psychology course. It informs students 
that some lectures contain explicit lan- 
guage. Nursing student Anita Lee read 
the disclaimer, then walked cut of class. 
Soon after, she filed a sexual harassment 
complaint with the U.S. Department of 
Education. The professor said only ten 
percent of his class deals with sexuality, but 
that it’s hard to avoid when you're dis- 
cussing Freud. 


NAKED BUST 


PORT ST. LUCIE, FLORIDA—The televi- 
sion show “America's Most Wanted” cap- 
tured its 500th fugitive after being tipped 
Off by people who knew she'd been staying 
at a nudist camp. Police suspect that the 


fugitive helped kill a wealthy gambler in 
1996. She had been eluding authorities 
Since then, most recently by staying at the 
Sunnier Palms Nudist Park. When the 
popular program broadcast her photo- 


graph, the phones started ringing. 


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www.brother.com. Humidor and cigars courtesy of Grand Havana Room, New York, Beverly Hills and Washington DC. © Grand Havana Enterprises 


amor wis PAUL REISER 


a candid conversation with “mad about you's 


” star on life with helen hunt, hat- 


ing his fuzzy-wuzzy image and wheeling and dealing in the post- “seinfeld” era 


Paul Reiser, in his office on the lot where 
“Mad About You” is created, is preparing to 
sil for a “Playboy Interview” when an assis- 
tant inlerrupts to tell him that “Helen” is 
calling from Hawaii. “Oh,” he says, picking 
up the phone. “Is this Helen Hunt from the 
Jack Nicholson movie?” 

It is indeed that Helen, Reiser's TV wife, 
who stars with Nicholson in “As Good as It 
Gets." “How are you, ma'am?” he asks. 
“Me? Гое got Playboy Bunnies all over 
the place. And you? Are you tanned and 
relaxed?” 

Eventually, Reiser comes clean. “Listen,” 
he tells Hunt. “Seriously. PLAYBOY is here, 
and the truth is, there are no naked girls.” 
Hunt apparently advises him to hold out for 
а bevy of Playmates, but Reiser says, "I al- 
ready tried that. What I need now from you 
is some advice. What do I tell PLAYBOY?” 

Holding the phone away from his ear, he 
“She says to tell you Гое got no chest. A 
ig ass. Good hips." He speaks to Hunt some 
more and continues. “Likes and dislikes? 
She told me to tell you that I don't like two- 
faced people and women who smoke.” 

He listens some more and says, “She also 
has advice for the pictures: ‘When shooting 
the leg, always remember to bend the lower 


сар” 


says, 


“This fuzzy edge got attached to my image— 
and it’s a little annoying. If I saw a guy 
telling 12 stories about changing a diaper, 
Га think, Go play hockey, for God's sake. Go 
slaughter an animal, 


Reiser says goodbye to Hunt, promising to 
call her back later. They have a lot to talk 
about, This is the last season the two are con- 
tractually obligated to continue “Mad About 
You,” one of NBC's highest-rated series, and 
at this moment they are in tense negotiations 
about the future of the show. Reiser and 
Hunt have publicly announced they are un- 
decided about whether or not to continue. 
NEC, which is plagued by its own problems, 
clearly wants them to stay. 

Reiser's longtime buddy Jerry Seinfeld 
caused panic in the executive suites when he 
anuounced that this will be his show's final 
season. That news made headlines and put 
“Mad About You” in an extraordinary posi- 
tion. Without “Seinfeld,” NBC has more of a 
stake in keeping its other hit shows, The net- 
work forked over $13 million an episode— 
an unprecedented amount—to keep “E 
To complicate matters further, Hunt is an 
Oscar nominee, and could walk away from 
the show and dive further into a film career: 
Rumors have flooded the press Hunt wants 
$600,000 an episode, says one paper; an- 
other claims it's a cool million. Reiser, whose 
compensation is linked to Hunt's (his con- 
tract states he'll get whatever she gets), is let- 
ting his co-star lead the fight. 

A few weeks later the mystery will be 


“Jerry and I talked about it for years. It's hard 
lo put on shows like ours. Al the same time, 
we're definitely aware that this is the greatest 
gig in the world. You always wonder, When ік 
the right time to stop?” 


solved. On the day of the Academy Awards, 
NBC will basically give in—and the two 
stars will sign up for another season in ex- 
change for a reported $1 million each per 
episode. That night, Hunt wins a Best Ac- 
tress Oscar for “As Good As It Gets.” making 
her the first winner who will return to a sit- 
com. It's hard to tell who got the better deal: the 
suddenly richer Reiser and Hunt, or NBC. 
Though Hunt is a major draw, Reiser 
s “Mad About You's" soul—he produces, 
writes and stars in the show, which is loosely 
based on his life. Tt chronicles the ups and 
doums of the relationship between Paul 
Buchman, Кеіѕег'х character, а likable if 
slightly neurotic guy, and his wife, Jamie, 
played by Hunt. “Mad About You’ is the 
show that tells the big jokes, and the lit- 
tle ones, too, about marriage,” wrote Lisa 
Schwarzbaum in “Entertainment Weekly 
"It has emerged as the sitcom that men and 
women, and especially couples, love.” 
Reiser, 41, wrote the “Mad About You” pi- 
lot in 1901 and pitched it to network execu- 
tives as “‘thirtysomething,’ only shorter and 
funnier.” The network bought the show but 
bounced it around to almost every day of the 
week before it found its current slot as the 
cornerstone of NBC's Tuesday-night line- 
тсе Reiser and Hunt have agreed to 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY MIZUNO 
“As a kid, I always thought that if you did a 
"Playboy Interview,’ there would be naked girls 
around. I mean, they're only three or four 
pages ашау in the magazine. Tn real life, they 
should at least be in the next room.” 


51 


PLAYBOY 


Jobs, 


continue the show, there are rumors of an- 
other switch, to the coveted Thursday-night 
spot now occupied by "Seinfeld.") Despite “ll 
the shuffling, “Mad About You” has a loyal 
audience that makes it a perennial ratings 
champ. 

Along with Reiser and Hunt, the show 
features a talented group of regulars and 
semiregulars, including Carroll O'Connor, 
Carol Burnett, Lisa Kudrow, Hunt’s boy- 
friend, Hank Azaria (as a hilarious dog- 
walker), and Robin Bartlett, who has been 
playing Paul's out-of the-closet lesbian sis- 
ter for years—long before Ellen DeGeneres” 
character came out on “Ellen.” There азе of- 
ten featured guest stars, including Sid Ce 
sar, Mel Brooks, Yoko Ono and Bruce Ий 

“Mad About You” is set in Reiser's home- 
town, New York City, where he and his three 
older sisters were raised. He attended He- 
brew school, not because his parents were re- 
ligious but because it offered a better educa- 
tion than the local public school, and then 
moved on lo Stuyvesant High School. He 
skateboarded and played in a rock band that 
practiced at his family's apartment and the 
YMCA. 

Reiser's father, a health food distributor, 
and mother, a homemaker, expected Paul to 
enter the family business. But while study- 
ing business at the State University of New 
York at Binghamton, Reiser started hanging 
out al comedy clubs, tentatively testing out 
his act. 

A livable salary eluded him, so Reiser ac- 
quiesced to his parents’ wishes and joined the 
family company to learn about the health 
food business. He never lost the desire to per- 
form, and after a year he told his father he 
was leaving the business lo give comedy one 
more chance. The second time was a charm, 
and Reiser found steady work at such clubs 
as Catch a Rising Star, the Comic Strip and 
the Improv. He played the club circuit for 
two years before breaking into movies, almost 
by accident. 

Reiser was tagging along with a friend 
who was visiting a casting director’s office. 
Reiser began goofing around with the office 
secretary, who was so taken with the comic 
that she called her boss. He cast Reiser in 
Barry Levinson's “Din 

Reiser's memorable performance in that 
movie helped him secure more bookings at 
clubs and his first appearance on “The 
Tonight Show.” In 1983 he moved to Los 
Angeles, where he landed a succession of 
roles in movies, including “Aliens,” “Beverly 
Hills Cop," “Beverly Hills Cop П," “Odd 
“Cross My Heart,” “Crazy People,” 
“The Marrying Man,” “Family Prayers,” 
“Мк Write” and “Bye Bye Love.” On TV, he 
acted in a pilot for a series based on "Diner" 
and appeared on HBO and Showtime come- 
dy specials. In 1987 he was cast as one of the 
leads on “My Two Dads,” a second-rate sit- 
com thal ran for three seasons. When that 
series ended, he was given the chance to cre- 
ate his own show. “Mad About You” was the 
result. 

Reiser has written two best-selling humor 


52 books—"Couplehood" in 1994 and “Baby- 


hood” in 1997. The books and TV show were 
inspired by his real-life relationship with his 
wife, Paula, whom he met in Pittsburgh 
while on the stand-up circuit. She moved to 
Los Angeles to live with Reiser and complet- 
ed her Ph.D. in psychology before they were 
married. His later book and the show's cur- 
rent plotline—the Buchmans now have a ba- 
Iy—were inspired by the birth of the Reisers’ 
son, Exra, “the boy of my dreams,” as Paul 
wrote in the dedication of “Babyhood.” 

We sent Contributing Editor David Sheff 
to track down the ubiquitous Reiser (besides 
“Mad About You,” on NBC and in syndica- 
tion, he appears in commercials for ATST 
and IBM) during a brief hiatus from pro- 
duction. Sheff reports: 

“Reiser’s bungalow near the ‘Mad About 
Yow’ set is decorated with mementos of his 
idol John Lennon, including one of Lennon’s 
lithographs presented to him by Yoko Ono. 
When Reiser, in Paul Buchman’s trademark 
jeans and a casual knit shirt, learned that 
I had conducted the “Playboy Interview” 
with John and Yoko, he nearly prostrated 
himself. Both Lennon’s and Reiser's mock 
disappointment that I fail to travel with 
Playmates in low became running themes 


If a man is running 
the country great and 
going out at night dressed 
as a woman, is it really 


our business? 


throughout both interview 

“After a couple of sessions in his office, we 
met at a Beverly Hills restaurant, where 
Reiser was busy reading the ‘Los Angeles 
Times.’ When he finally looked up he shook 
his head, pointing to an article. ‘Listen to 
this,’ he said. The article was about proposed 
legislation sponsored by the Screen Actors 
Guild to protect the privacy of famous peo- 
ple. Reiser ranted: ‘Listen to this guy—an 
unnamed paparazzo is complaining that the 
legislation isn't fair: "When you choose to 
become famous, you give up your rights." 
Reiser was incensed. ‘Fucking unbelievable! 
You risk sounding like Celebrity Asshole 
when you talk about this stuff, but this is 

hey chase Arnold Schwarzenegger 
miles an hour, photograph Madonna 
in her shower and kill Princess Diana and 
then dare say that famous people ask for 
il,’ The harangue lasted for three quarters 
of an hour: 

"When a waiter asked if Reiser wanted his 
bottled water at room temperature, he re- 
sponded, ‘Depends what room.’ Finally, he 
settled back in his chair and said, All right, 
all right. Ask another question. Hit me with 
il. Take me where you want to go. I trust you. 
Twill ride on your wings.'” 


PLAYBOY: After all the speculation about 
whether or not Mad About You would 
continue, you've obviously decided. Was 
it the million bucks? 

REISER: First, any word on the naked 
Playmates? 

PLAYBOY: You were expecting Playmates? 
REISER: I’m thinking, I'm going to do the 
Playboy Interview—yeah, I'm expecting 
naked girls. Where are they? As a kid, I 
always thought that if you did a Playboy 
Interview, there would be naked girls 
around. I mean, they're only three or 
four pages away in the magazine. In real 
life, they should at least be in the next 
room. Here we are, and there are no 
naked girls. What happened? It’s just 
a guy with a microphone—and bare- 
ly. [He points to the small microphone. 
PLAYBOY: Shall we begin? 

REISER: I bet Norman Mailer, when he 
did his interview, got girls. With big 
breasts. At least there should be a girl 
holding the microphone, and she should 
be naked. Come to think of it, I should 
be in pajamas. OK. I got it off my chest. 
What was it you wanted to know? 
PLAYBOY: It was reported that you and 
Helen Hunt cach received $1 million an 
episode to continue. 

REISER: First of all, you shouldn't believe 
everything you read. It makes me laugh 
that everyone believes that the figures 
that have been reported are accurate 
But no, it wasn't primarily the money. It 
was never the money. 

PLAYBOY: Then what was it? 

REISER: We were no longer committed to 
doing it. We had to decide. There were a 
lot of good reasons to continue, good 
reasons not to. 

PLAYBOY: Then what was it that finally 
convinced you? 

REISER: There were many factors. One 
was that the show didn't feel over. We 
didn’t have a natural finale. 

PLAYBOY: Did you play around with dra- 
matic endings—death, divorce? 

REISER: No. The truth is, the people who 
follow the show care about the charac- 
ters. We wouldn't do that to them. You 
couldn't have Paul wake up and sudden- 
ly he's married to Sanford's other son. 
PLAYBOY: Jamie could have run off with 
the dog-walker, played by Helen Hunt's 
real boyfriend. 

REISER: There you go. Man, they're walk- 
in' that dog a long time! About eight 
months. That dog really had to go. No, 
we decided that there are a lot of good 
shows to do, and we're having a lot of 
fun. It would have been pretty sad to say 
goodbye. 

PLAYBOY: NBC reportedly offered Jerry 
Seinfeld $5 million per episode to con- 
tinue his series. Did knowing that influ- 
ence your decision? 

REISER: They did have the money, that we 
knew; they weren't using it for ferry. But 
there you go again, believing everything 
you read. I'd be surprised if that were 
true, just as the reports about our deal 


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53 


PLAYBOY 


aren't true. 

PLAYBOY: It was also reported that Helen 
Hunt held out for $600,000 and then 
$1 million per episode. Well? 

REISER: If it was reported, it must be true, 
right? The truth is, we finally decided, 
and the figures bandied about in the 
press are no one's business. With sports 
stars and people in show business every- 
one thinks there's a different rule. Most 
people would rather tell you what kind 
of sex they have with their wives than 
how much they make. 

PLAYBOY: But the figures arc often leaked 
by the people in the negotiations, using 
the press. 

REISER: That's true, but the bottom line is 
it's no one's business how much we get. 
Whether it's the public's business or not, 
these salaries are often published. So are 
the costs of movies. So are photographs 
of movie stars. So are rumors, which are 
treated as if they're true. The legislation 
designed to stop paparazzi is only the be- 
ginning of what's needed. 

PLAYBOY: Was Princess Diana’s death be- 
hind this legislation? 

REISER: That and suits that have been 
won by Alec Baldwin and Arnold Schwarz- 
enegger. Some of the sensationalist pa- 
pers are now reporting there was a mur- 
der attempt on Princess Diana. They 
don't want to look at the fact that it was 
indeed the paparazzi who killed her. 
PLAYBOY: Let's not forget that her driver 
was legally drunk. 

REISER: But if she hadn't been hounded 
by paparazzi, she would not be dead. 
She wouldn't have even used that driver. 
She was forced to play games to try to 
have some privacy. It appalls me to hear 
the reaction to this legislation: that peo- 
ple in the public eye have fewer rights 
than other people. There's so much hid- 
ing behind freedom of the press. They 
always say, “But you chose to be fa- 
mous.” Monica Lewinsky, Richard Jewell 
and many others didn't choose to be fa~ 
mous, and they're victimized too. There 
should be one standard of decency. If 
you're a regular guy and someone push- 
ез himself in your face, you are within 
your rights to shove him and say, “Get 
the fuck outof my way." If you're famous 
you can't do that. The paparazzi, at least 
some of them, want you to fight back. 
PLAYBOY: Have you been hassled? 

REISER: Yeah, and I’m not on the big, fan- 
cy level of famous people, You've heard 
of me, but I haven't been in a scandal, 
haven't had it so bad. But the reality is 
that anybody who's been famous for a 
second is subjected to this harassment. 
I'm nonpolitical and don't talk about is- 
sues, but after Princess Diana’s death I 
went on MSNBC to talk about this op- 
posite a guy from New York magazine. 
To me, it's so simple. Of course you 
shouldn't be allowed to take someone's 
picture who doesn't want you to—unless 
they're committing a crime. The guy re- 


54 sponded to me, "Madonna craves pub- 


licity and flaunts herself and then says 
we're not allowed to take a picture of her 
and her baby." That's a rapist's mentali- 
ty: She asked for it, she deserves it. 1£ 
Madonna goes to a premiere or appears 
on a talk show, she's inviting people to 
see her. Does that mean she's also invit- 
ing you into her home? John Lennon 
made a powerful statement about it on 
the Two Virgins cover, with him and Yoko 
naked: "Here. Is this what you want? 
Here is everything." 

PLAYBOY: What about politicians? 

REISER: That's a little different because 
they're public servants. But are we, or 
should we be, entitled to see pictures of 
the president on vacation? You know, ifa 
man is running the country great and 
going out at night dressed as a woman, is 
it really our business? I don't know. I 
don't know if 1 care. Would you want 
someone to take photos of you in your 
bedroom? How about the Golden Rule? 
Do unto others. 

PLAYBOY: Are you concerned that Clinton 
may have lied? 

REISER: If the only thing he did was lie to 
his wife—well, that's an issue berween 
them. I'm not condoning it, but it's none 
of my business. If he lied to the Amer- 
ican people, maybe it's what Jackie 
Mason said: Do we want a schmuck for 
a president who says, "Yeah, I had an 
affair"? 

PLAYBOY: Let's get back to the decision to 
continue Mad About You. How did the 
negotiations work? Did executives deal 
with your agents or did they try to se- 
duce you personally? 

REISER: 1 got calls from NBC brass who 
had never called before. That's certainly 
true. 

PLAYBOY: Saying what? 

REISER: "Obviously, we want you back. Is 
there anything we can do?” The answer 
was, I'll let you know if there is. 
PLAYBOY: Do you acknowledge that Mad 
About You was probably worth more to 
them because Seinfeld is ending? 

REISER: NBC had one less sure thing, so 
the few sure things became proportion- 
ately more significant, yeah. But they al- 
ready knew this could be our final year. 
It was no secret. If we had stopped, peo- 
ple would have said, “They quit because 
Seinfeld quit.” No, we were possibly go- 
ing to quit anyway, There’s something to 
be said for leaving when it's time, while 
you're still on top. Johnny Carson was 
brilliant and wise to leave when he did. 
PLAYBOY: What's the right time for Mad 
About You? Is your new deal open-ended? 
REISER: It's for the year. 1 can tell you that 
this will be it. This is the final season. 
PLAYBOY: So you're following Seinfeld, just 
а year later? 

REISER: Jerry and I talked about it for 
years. It's hard to put on shows like ours. 
At the same time, we're definitely aware 
that this is the greatest gig in the world. 
You always wonder, When is the right 
time to stop? I have some of the same 


qualms Jerry had. It’s not easy when 
there are so many people involved. It's 
hard to say no when you consider the 
hundreds of people in the production, 
never mind the millions of people who 
watch the show. 

PLAYBOY: Then what did it finally come 
down to? 

REISER: Frankly, it came down to Helen 
and me deciding together. We discussed 
where we would take the show. We dis- 
cussed the pros and cons of continuing. 
PLAYBOY: What would have happened 
had you decided you wanted to continue 
the show but Helen didn't? 

REISER: We both knew that wasn’t possi- 
ble, that if we didn't come up with the 
same answer after we did our soul- 
searching, it wouldn’t go forward. 
PLAYBOY: Did her winning an Oscar make 
a difference? 

REISER: Only in that we wanted to decide 
beforehand. We didn't want it to bea fac- 
tor either way. 

PLAYBOY: Were you with her on Oscar 
night? 

REISER: I called her. When you win an Os- 
car, your phone is busy for a long time. 1 
didn’t get through until well after Bar- 
bara Walters’ show ended. It was all sort 
of perfect. We made the decision and 
then she won the Oscar. When we all re- 
turned to the set the next day, there was 
a mariachi band playing. The cast and 
crew were relieved they had jobs. And 
our buddy Helen had an Oscar. 

PLAYBOY: Did she bring it with her? 
REISER: You don't just leave those hang- 
ing around the house. 

PLAYBOY: After her last couple of movies 
that were such big hits, was it harder for 
her to continue? 

REISER: No. It's the knee-jerk reaction of 
so many people that once you get a big 
movie, you want to get off TV. But the 
show was not something she was anxious. 
to shed, It’s not like it was slowing her 
down. I know I will miss it when we stop. 
I imagine Helen will too. We root for 
each other completely. It’s the way we 
work together. Guest stars often tell us 
what a nice place to work our show is. I 
think we've created a safe, supportive 
family. There is no room for assholes— 
they just don't penetrate. [Shaking his 
head] Did I just use the words penetrate 
and asshole in the same sentence? I 
doubt they've ever been in the same sen- 
tence in that context before. We're mak- 
ing history here. 

PLAYBOY: How autobiographical is the 
show? 

REISER: I never went home with David 
Copperfield's pants. The fact is, it's not 
and never has been autobiographical. 
At the same time, the impetus for the 
show was my relationship with my wife. 
Things that happen in my life may wind 
up being on the show, though stories of- 
ten originate with other writers. There 
are certain things in there that I didn’t 
write that are biographically correct; it's 


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PLAYBOY: How has the show's audience 
grown and changed? 

REISER: The audience is loyal because 
people relate to this show in a different 
way than they relate to other shows. 
They are invested at a different level. Its 
not necessarily the stories, but the little. 
es of behavior that are the meat of 
the show. 

PLAYBOY: Pieces of behavior like- 
REISER: Hey, in the interview with John 
and Yoko, you asked them about ev- 
ery song they ever wrote. I want to do 
that with every joke I ever did. ГІ tell 
you what inspired it, how many people 
laughed. Sorry. An example is the show 
in which I tried virtual reality. I got to 
choose a virtual reality, and I opted for a 
massage from Christie Brinkley. People 
related to it not because they have tried 
virtual reality or had a back rub from 
Christie. It was the scene afterward, 
when Paul and Jamie are in bed and the 
schmuck husband explains the fantasy 
he chose. He could have chosen any- 
thing—climbing a mountain, flying into 
space—and he chose a massage from 
Christie Brinkley. The wife's look of dis- 
belief—Jamie's slow cock of the head— 
is what people related to. And the line 
she finally uttered: “You are a little, 
tle man. 
PLAYBOY: To be fair, she got her fantasy, 
too, and it was in the same yein: Andre 


Agassi 
REISER: That was really a joke. 1 mean, 
Andre Agassi is cute and all, but Jamie, 
like many real women I know, wanted 
Paul to admit he was wrong. That's the 
fantasy people related to, 

PLAYBOY: If you could choose a virtual re- 
ality, what would it be? 

REISER: I'd choose a virtual life very much 
like my real life but without the doubt. 
PLAYBOY: Do people think they know you 
because they have come to know your 
character? 

REISER: They do. 

PLAYBOY: Do they know you? 

REISER: No. They don't get the difference 
between Paul Buchman and me. 
PLAYBOY: What is the difference? 

REISER: Leila Kenzle, who plays Fran on 
the show, once said that we're exactly the 
same, but I'ma lot dirtier. That's fair. 
PLAYBOY: Is that the only difference? 
REISER: I hope I'm a little smarter. 
PLAYBOY: So in writing the show, you 
dumb yourself down? 

REISER: Yeah. Which is pretty stupid. Giv- 
en a chance to rewrite yourself, you'd 
think you would make yourself smarter. 
PLAYBOY: When you play a character for 
so long, does his personality seep into 
yours and vice versa? 

REISER: They do. I used to dress better 
than he did, but now we dress exactly 
the same. He's come up and Гуе come 
down and basically I just walk out of 


here in the same clothes. Sometimes Tl 
take a jacket home and be on the street 
and reach into my pocket and find a 
note. It’s a list of errands, but it's not 
mine. It's the characters. I'll have to 
think about it. Is this real milk or TV 
milk I have to buy? If it says, “Pick up 
milk for Jamie,” I know it's fake. Fake 
wife. Fake milk. 

PLAYBOY: In what ways is your relation- 
ship with Hunt like a real marriage? 
REISER: It’s not like a marriage in that 
we're not married, but like a marriage in 
that you learn about someone as you 
spend time together. I see Helen more 
than I see my wife. Helen and I are to- 
gether 15 hours a day. When you are 
with someone that much, you learn their 
vulnerabilities, what they care about, 
how to communicate on subtle levels. 
PLAYBOY: How important is the chemistry 
between you and Hunt? Is it an act or is 
it real? 

REISER: Both. Its like marrying well. You 
hope you marry well and then you work 
on it really hard. 

PLAYBOY: Actors say it's just work when 
they have to kiss their co-stars. But you 
have been kissing the same co-star weck- 
ly for years. 

REISER: It’s not an issue. Yeah, people 
speculate about it, but it is just what all 
the other actors have told you: It’s part 
of the job. 

PLAYBOY: But presumably less onerous 


than, say, laying bricks or changing the 
oil in a car. 

REISER: If someone gives you a choice 
between pretending you're married to 
Helen Hunt and wrestling alligators, 
you probably would go with Helen. 
PLAYBOY: She'll appreciate that. 

REISER: Yeah. It’s not an unpleasant 
thing. But it's so notan issue. Sometimes 
I notice as the weeks go by that Jamie 
hasn't kissed Раш in a while. They've 
been too busy. But that's what happens 
in real life, too. In real life, your affection 
for your wife may not come through 
with a kiss, but rather in the way you 
grab her ass as she’s going to get the milk 
from the refrigerator. That’s what cou- 
ples do. 

PLAYBOY: Your fake wife didn't like it 
when you fantasized about Christie 
Brinkley. Does your real wife mind that 
you spend so much time and are so close 
with Hunt? 

REISER: In fact, they are good friends. I 
met Helen through my wife. They knew 
each other. So Paula doesn't mind the 
kisses with Helen. It's when I tell her I 
have to go out so I can practice with oth- 
er actresses that she gets upset 

PLAYBOY: Docs it become intrusive when 
you're writing about the situations in 
your life? In the middle of an argument, 
do you pause to write down good lines? 
REISER: As annoying as that sounds, yes, 
especially during the first season. There 


was a camera on our life: “Ah, wait, hon- 
ey. I can use that. Let me write it down 
and then we can continue to argue.” 
During the second season, I made a 
concerted effort never to do that. If I was 
talking to my wife, I was talking to my 
wife. By that point, though, she'd see the 
glimmer in my eye and say, “All right. Go 
write it down.” By now it's sort of a low 
hum that's always on. When I was work- 
ing on my book about being a father, it 
was worse. I was watching my son and 
thinking, That's so funny! It's great for 
the book. I was so happy when the book 
was over so I could play with my son and 
just be with him. 
PLAYBOY: Did you ever find yourself sit- 
ting and typing an homage to your son 
instead of playing with him? 
REISER: Yeah: “You want to play, Dad?” 
“Can't you see I'm busy? I'm busy writ- 
ing about what a great dad I am. Get 
out!” 
PLAYBOY: Besides capturing the real mo- 
ments of relationships, what else has 
Mad About You contributed to TV? 
REISER: We changed the sound of dia- 
logue, made it more intimate. We show 
when life isn’t so easy. We didn’t make it 
casy for Paul and Jamie to conceive a ba- 
by. It was very painful and very real. 
Helen said that it wouldn't be realistic 
for Jamie to be a superwoman when she 
was giving birth. Jamie had decided she 
wasn't going to take drugs, but then 


changed her mind, because giving birth 
is hell. It was too late for her to get drugs 
by the time she wanted them, which is a 
real experience. We made the couple 
perpetually exhausted after the baby was 
born, because that’s the way it is in life. 
We deal with issues in an understated 
way; we don’t put a spotlight on them 
but made quieter statements. You once 
see Jamie take a birth control pill, but it 
isn't mentioned. Another show might 
have done the Birth Control Episode. 
We put a gay couple on the show without 
doing the Gay Episode. 

PLAYBOY: Indeed, you had a lesbian cou- 
ple on the show before Ellen came out of 
the closet. 

REISER: I am really proud of that. We've 
gotten a lot of letters from gay couples 
who appreciate it 

PLAYBOY: Were you surprised that it was 
such a big deal when Ellen came out? 
REISER: No, since it was a big deal for the 
main character of a show to be openly 
gay. In our show, the lesbian couple isn't 
the primary couple on the show, so may- 
be that's why it's not so noticeable. 
PLAYBOY: Has there ever been an attempt 
to censor the show? How about the times 
you have shown the lesbian couple 
in bed? 

REISER: I expected complaints from the 
network, but no one said a word. We 
have intentionally shown people's dis- 
comfort. We thought it would be really 


"т 


м vith laced whe op 


59 


PELA IBID ES 


fun to see how it would affect the charac- 
ters' parents. 

PLAYBOY: Jamie's dad and mom are 
played by Carroll O'Connor and Carol 
Burnett. How did you manage to get 
such big stars? 

REISER: At the beginning of the fourth 
season, for the 100th episode, we want- 
ed to cast Helen's mom. We fantasized 
about Carol Burnett and thought, Yeah, 
right. But it never hurts to ask. She said 
yes. When we had her, we thought, We 
can't get just anybody to play opposite 
Carol Burnett, so we called up Carroll 
O'Connor, We'd be sitting there at a 
table working with them and Helen and 
I would look at each other and shake our 
heads: Carol Burnett and Carroll frig- 
ging O'Connor. 

PLAYBOY: Another occasional character is 
played by Lisa Kudrow. How did her 
role, which connects to her role on 
Friends, develop? 

REISER: First she was my blind date in a 
flashback scene during the first season. 
She was perfect: incredibly dopey. We 
loved working with her so much that we 
cast her again, this time as the waitress. 
Then she went and got that other show. 
Some small show. People love her. She 
does related characters on the two 
shows, though she’s a little dopier here 
and funkier there. 

PLAYBOY: Did Helen meet her real-life 
boyfriend, Hank Azaria, on the show? 
REISER: They were friends already. We 
wanted to use him for something. We 
came up with the idea of a dog-walker, 
and he created the character. He knew 
someone who talked like that. John Pan- 
kow, who plays Ira, developed his char- 
acter like that too. That's one of the fun 
things about the series. You can start 
with a small idea and a character takes 
ona life of his own. 

PLAYBOY: Who among the show's guest 
stars are your favorites? 

REISER: Jerry Lewis, Carl Reiner, Yoko, 
Sid Caesar, Lyle Lovett, Mel Brooks, 
Bruce Willis. We had this thin idea and 
said we wanted to get someone like Jerry 
Lewis. Well, we decided to ask. It's like 
how the prettiest girl at the party doesn't 
get asked to dance because everyone as- 
sumes she'll say no. He said yes. Mel 
Brooks is my comedy idol, my comedy 
god. To be in a scene with him was my 
dream. Doing a show with Yoko, saying 
“Give peace a chance” in bed, was surre- 
al. Helen and I looked at each other and 
whispered, “We're in bed with Yoko. 
What universe is this?” 

PLAYBOY: Before the baby episode, Paul 
and Jamie almost split up. Why did you 
take the show there? 

REISER: Two ycars ago they were drifting 
apart because of the stress they felt in 
trying to conceive a baby. Paul was drifi- 
ing toward another woman. Well, it's just 
absurd to have two people who aren't 
exactly the same locked up together for- 


60 ever. You can't avoid having some 


bumps. During the series of shows when 
they were in trouble, I wanted the audi- 
ence to go, “Holy cow! Even they're hav- 
ing problems!" People need to be re- 
minded that it’s not so terrible to have 
problems—to be jealous and petty and 
cranky. It's about what you have to go 
through. And you hope you come to- 
gether again stronger. It can be power- 
ful when two people who are distanced 
from each other connect again. 
PLAYBOY: What's the difference between 
the Buchmans—and you and your wife, 
for that matter—and couples who end 
up divorced? 
REISER: After a moment of clarity or re- 
consideration, Paul and Jamie would 
rather make it work than give up. 
"They're in it for the long haul 
PLAYBOY: Were your parents good at 
weathering their stormy times? 
REISER: They were, but they didn't talk 
about it. It's probably why I want to 
work so hard on my relationship. At the 
same time, I don't know what happened 
behind closed doors. There was a di- 
vision between their world and the 
ids’. We really didn't know what was 
going on. 
PLAYBOY: Your father was in the health 
food business. Was he a health food nut? 
REISER: No. To him it was just something 
to do. At the time, the people who were 
referred to as health food nuts were the 
most sickly people, 90 years old, who 
couldn’t eat salt. who could have only 
the broth of a papaya. 
PLAYBOY: Did he bring home samples? 
REISER: The stuff he brought home, like 
health food versions of canned apple- 
sauce or fruits, tasted like cardboard, as 
a matter of fact. There was all this stuff 
around the house like raisins and vita- 
min C and rosehips before anybody 
knew about them. We would take dolo- 
mite and lecithin. Lecithin was to coun- 
teract the fat in the huge amounts of 
brisket we were cating. We ate big, fat, 
kill-you foods—chunks of beef the size of 
your chest—and lecithin. 
PLAYBOY: When did you first become 
aware of comedy? 
REISER: Ed Sullivan and Red Skelton on 
TV. Johnny Carson. But I thought they 
were born comedians. I didn’t know you 
could choose to do that. 
PLAYBOY: Did you try comedy in school? 
REISER: If there was a school play, I'd try 
to be in it, but that wasn't comedy. All the 
comedy clubs were opening around that 
time. A real turning point was when my 
sister’s boyfriend turned me on to Mel 
Brooks’ 2000-year-old man. It was like 
staring into the sun. I would listen to 
that hour after hour after hour. Later 1 
went to the Village to see Carlin, Klein, 
Brenner. It wasn't that I thought I might 
or could do it. I went to rock concerts 
too, but never thought I would join 
Grand Funk Railroad. 
PLAYBOY: But you had a band, right? 
REISER: Yeah, and we were exceedingly 


bad. We played Gloria for 17 minutes. 
Sometimes we would branch out and do 
In a Gadda Da Vida for 27 minutes. We 
did Walk Away Renee, which I sang. To 
this day 1 can't tell you the words. I 
would enunciate the mumbles that I 
heard in the song. [Singing] “Don't walk 
away, Renee. . . . Sowsahara feda seda 
home. . . . The empty sidewalk some- 
thing something. . . Fahe he ho ha 
сызса; 
dos ica ai you first perform 
comedy? 
REISER: I was 17 or 18, the summer be- 
tween my freshman and sophomore 
years in college. I went onstage for five 
minutes at Catch a Rising Star. I was 
very. very bad. When I went back to 
school in the fall, my friends asked, 
“What did you do this summer?” I said I 
was a comic, as if I did it day in and day 
out with my sleeves rolled up. It made 
me feel so good to say it. The next sum- 
mer, I did it maybe three times. The 
third summer, five times. In my head I 
was the coolest guy on earth. 
PLAYBOY: Can you give us a sample of 
your early act? 
REISER: Oooh. Bad stuff. My friend Billy 
and 1 used to do impressions of vegeta- 
bles. Here's asparagus [he demonstrates). 
You'd wrap your hands above your head 
until they looked like a little aspara- 
gus tip. Broccoli was blowing out your 
cheeks [he demonstrates]. 
PLAYBOY: When you began appearing 
regularly in clubs, did you have a sense 
of which comics would become the big- 
gest hits? Did you know Seinfeld would 
become a star? 
REISER: Jerry, yeah. 1 don't remember 
looking this far into the future or imag- 
ining these kinds of heights, but Jerry 
was One. We'd all go, “Man, Jerry is 
good.” He'd get onstage and pull out a 
little piece of paper with tiny words writ- 
ten on it. There would be five ideas that 
had occurred to him that day. They 
would always be interesting, the begin- 
ning of something extremely funny. 
PLAYBOY: How did the annual New Year's 
Day lunch with you, Seinfeld, Larry Mil- 
ler and Mark Schiff begin? 
REISER: It happened because we had all 
done shows together at the clubs in New 
York on New Year's Eve, which was a 
good gig at the time. Instead of $20 you 
got $100 on New Year's Eve, but it was 
the worst night of the year in every oth- 
er respect. I he crowds were unruly and 
drunk and antzgonistic. 

One year we just woke up the next 
morning going, "Anybody want to go get 
something to eat?" We went out to lunch 
and it was good fun, so we decided to do 
it again the next year. The next year 
Michael Kane, an actor and comic who 
was part of the group until he died, said, 
“Let's get a limo.” He didn't have a dol- 
lar to his name, but he put it on a credit 
card. We drove around drinking cham- 
pagne. “This is fun. Let's do it again 


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PLAYBOY 


next year.” It became a regular thing. 
We all know to be in New York by New 
Year's because the pinheads are going to 
get together. It’s always been in New 
York except the year 1 was in London 
doing Aliens—everybody flew to Lon- 
don. Instead of hanging out for a day, it 
became 48 hours of hanging out. In- 
stead of “Should we go for pizza?” it was 
"Let's go to Paris.” So there were four 
knuckleheads with no luggage in Paris. 
PLAYBOY: Who picks up the check? 
REISER: It rotates. It’s bccome pretty 
spiffy. The year after Michael died, we 
realized the five of us represented the 
different phases of manhood: Jerry was 
unmarried, Larry was about to be mar- 
ried, I was married, Mark was married 
with kids and Michael was dead. We re- 
alized, We've got somebody on each 
team now. It was just sort of this realiza- 
tion: This is life. Now I have a kid, too. I 
have a kid and Mark has a kid and Larry 
has a son and Jerry has a show. 

PLAYBOY: Do you all crack a lot of jokes? 
REISER: We get in the guy rhythm. We 
brutalize one another. We are woeful- 
ly cruel. 

PLAYBOY: That sounds like a great HBO 
special. 

REISER: I'm sure HBO would like that. 
The truth is, I usually don't talk about it 
because it's such a private, sweet thing. 
I don't know how it first got out, but 
everybody started asking about it. My 
wife says she and her friends always talk 
about the kids. We don't always talk 
about our kids. Men have different kinds 
of friendships. 

PLAYBOY: Do you look back fondly on 
your early years together on the comedy 
circuit? 

REISER: It was mostly good. We were 
young enough that we didn’t have to 
worry about anything. We didn’t have 
families to feed. Our life was hanging 
out at clubs. There was a taste of success 
because people we knew werc making it. 
"So-and-so got a TV show.” “So-and-so 
got The Tonight Show." Scouts from the 
shows came in looking for talent. There 
was a great camaraderie. I miss that. 
PLAYBOY: Were there comedy groupies? 
REISER: There were girls, and the scene 
provided such an easy way to meet them. 
The pressure was off because you didn't 
have to introduce yourself. When you're 
trying to meet a girl, the first thing you 
want to do is distinguish yourself from 
every other asshole in the world—to say, 
I'm not an asshole. If you've been on- 
stage for 20 minutes, they ve already de- 
cided if they like you or not. If they ap- 
proach you, your job is done. 

PLAYBOY: In fact, you mct your wifc in 
а dub. 

REISER: That was later. She was a waitress 
ata club. After we began going out, I was 
off performing on the road and I think it 
was Bill Maher who went up to her and 
said hello. She introduced herself as 


64 Paul Reiser’s girlfriend. He apparently 


said something like, "Ah, yeah, OK. Sure 
you are, sweetheart." It wasn't like I 
was a big star or anything, but simply, 
“Here's another deluded waitress, poor 
girl, who thinks the comic from the big 
city is going to come back.” 

PLAYBOY: How did you and Paula meet? 
REISER: She was in college in Pittsburgh, 
supporting herself waitressing. The club 
owner told me there was a girl 1 should 
meet—"“a really cute waitress.” I go, OK, 
I know what that means. I have a certain 
kind of woman in mind. But then I met 
her and went, “My God!” She was lovely. 
PLAYBOY: What did you expect? 

REISER: You know. It just sounded like a 
sleazy kind of setup, a perk of working 
there: The salary isn't great, but you've 
got a decent hotel room and we'll fix 
you up with a girl, so it shouldn't be a to- 
tal wash. 

PLAYBOY: To which you responded — 
REISER: When I met her, she was beautiful 
and smart and funny and, the truth is, I 
couldn't speak. I actually couldn't say 
my name out loud. I knew I was either 
in love or nauseated. It was totally un- 
expected. Later, either Jerry or Larry 
Miller said, “The fact that you married 
a waitress in a comedy club will kecp 
comics on the road getting laid for 50 
years.” 

PLAYBOY: When did you decide to get 
married? 

REISER: Т just came home one day and it 
felt like we should be married. You sud- 
denly feel like you're procrastinating by 
not doing it. 

PLAYBOY: Paula is a therapist. Should we 
draw any conclusions from the fact that 
the therapist on Mad About You is such 
a loon? 

REISER: I have never even thought about 
the connection. ГЇЇ have to ask her what 
it means. 

PLAYBOY: Did she give you advice about 
whether to continue with the show? 
REISER: I wish shc had. But she's a shrink. 
She just said, “What do you really want 
to do?” 

PLAYBOY: What brought you both from 
New York to California? 

REISER: I'll answer that when the Play- 
mates arrive. Are they coming? 

PLAYBOY: Maybe you'd be happy with a 
Fans of “Mad About You” pictorial 

REISER: Great. It would be a bunch of 
women from around the country wear- 
ing flannel pajamas. 

PLAYBOY: Let's go back to California. 
What brought you out here? 

REISER: California was the end of a laun- 
dry chute. Everybody came here. In 
New York you would get onstage be- 
cause the guys who were there last ycar 
had gonc to California. Instcad of going 
on at one in the morning, you got to go 
on at ten. I thought, What happens 
when you get to California? Everybody's 
there. They're standing at the end of the 
laundry chute dusting themselves off. It 
must be very crowded. 


PLAYBOY: What led to your first movie, 
Diner? 
REISER: Am I still talking about Diner? It 
was such a long time ago. If I'm reading 
this I'm thinking, This asshole is still 
talking about Diner. OK. ГІІ talk about 
Diner. lt was a real movie that had cam- 
eras and everything. When I heard I got 
the part and was sent a script, I was all 
excited—it had the MGM lion on itand 
everything. I asked a friend, who is a 
lawyer, to read it. Afterward he said, 
“You play Modell, right? You ain'tin it.” 
I had one line. The part grew, though. 
PLAYBOY: Because of Mad About You, you 
have become a poster boy for married 
guys. Do you like the role? 
REISER: Not really. People ask me if they 
should get married. How should I 
know? Somehow I've become a spokes- 
man for the solid life. Some guy says, 
“Talk to my wife, would you?" The wife 
says, "Will you talk to my husband?" 
Now, after Babyhood and the baby's ar- 
rival on the show, I get "Should we have 
a baby?" I don't know. I only know what 
it’s like having my kid, and I like it. But 
he's taken. I don't know that I necessari- 
ly purport that marriage is the answer 
for anything. People ask me if it's good 
to be married. I have been marricd to 
only one person and it's been great. But 
the chance of finding someone like her is. 
very small. And you can't be married to 
her, she's already spoken for. 
PLAYBOY: Amid the jokes, you seem to 
have a very pro-family, pro-marriage 
message. 
REISER: Well, God, I need to be married. 
I just know that whatever funk I've gone 
through, whatever period my wife and 
I—and every couple—go through, it 
never seems bad enough to say “I’m 
clearing out." I don't doubt for a second 
that when the smoke clears, ГЇЇ want to 
get back into bed with this woman 
tonight. When it’s hard being а dad, I 
don't go, “Jesus, I've got to get out of 
this." I just go, "I need a break. Maybe 
ГІ take a walk.” When the first book 
came out, I was so coupled out that I was 
dying to go out with some guys and play 
ball and drive around and be an asshole. 
PLAYBOY: And do exactly what? 
REISER: I can't tell you. That would take 
all the fun away. In fact, I just OD'd my- 
self on the discussion and feeling re- 
sponsible and having to defend mar- 
riage and be the nice guy. I mean, Jesus 
Christ, / wanted to slap me. When my 
books about marriage and being a father 
came out, I was on every TV talk show, 
discussing this stuff. I became this flag- 
waver. It's not that I didn't believe it, but 
the sheer volume got to me. This fuzzy 
edge got attached to my image. I stand 
by everything I have written and done. 
But the fuzzy edge is a little annoying. 
PLAYBOY: Fuzzy edge? 
REISER: All this lovey-dovey talk about 
kids and love. When I was promoting 
(concluded on page 176) 


WHAT SORT OF MAN READS PLAYBOY? 


He's a man who knows the value of talk. When his company needed to nail that Mexico land deal, 
it picked ¡ts top negotiator—the executive with experience. It happens he reads PLAYBOY, and it 
shows. PLAYBOY men took nearly 4 million business trips last year. On business apparel alone, 
PLAYBOY men spent more than $340 million. Month after month, PLAYBOY is the magazine El 
that directs men on the move. PLAYBOY—it's a lifestyle. (Source: Autumn 1997 MRI.) BS 


66 


Nascar 
Rules 


stock car 
racing is 

the loudest, 
fastest, 
sexiest sport 
in america. 
you gota 
problem 
with that? 


HEOLD CARS ran part of the race on the beach and the race was cut 

short when the tide came in. Nowadays, they race on the big, 

oval superspeedway, but there is still a moist, fetid mood. Lots of 

sunshine with plenty of bare skin among the nearly 200,000 fans 

who come to watch and, just as important, party hard. You see 

flags flying at Daytona that say things like To HELL WITH THE 
MOUNTAINS, SHOW US YOUR BUSCH. The women who follow Nascar get right 
with the program. Speed, after all, is an aphrodisiac and car racing is about 
speed and danger and money. But the racing is the thing and some of the 
best racing in Nascar history has been done in the Daytona 500. Fans still 
remember the 1976 race when David Pearson and Richard Petty got to- 
gether at 180 mph, running down to the finish. Both drivers lost it, hit che 
wall and spun down into the infield. Pearson got on the clutch and kept his 
engine running, so he managed to limp to the checkered flag. Petty had to 
get pushed across the finish line. CBS had it on tape and millions of people 
who had thought of stock car racing as the sport of redneck primitives 
watched and became interested. Three years later CBS was live at Daytona 
when Donnie Allison and Cale Yarborough tangled near the finish and, af- 
ter the wreck, started arguing and then throwing punches, with Donnie's 
brother, Bobby, parking his car so he could join the fight. 

Daytona is to stock car racing what Wimbledon is to tennis, the Masters is 
to golf and the Kentucky Derby is to Thoroughbred racing. Daytona is 
where Nascar started—50 years ago, as it happened. So 1998 is stock car 
racing's golden jubilee and this race its greatest festival and celebration. For 
racing fans, this is about as good as it gets. 

And today, by God, in this particular race, it got better than that. The 
people here, in the stands, the luxury boxes and the infield—a lot of whom 
have been camped for two weeks, living off charcoaled meat and cold 
beer—would have cheered just about any finish to this race. But this is 
cheering ofa different order. These people are cheering their brains out for 
a race close enough that a paint job is just about all that separates the first 
five cars—this baby is going down to the wire—because of who is in front 
now. If Dale Earnhardt, the man they call the Intimidator, can hang on and. 
win, it will be just about the most sublime finish to this race any of them 
could imagine. Earnhardt, after all, is the custodian of all that the fans love 
about stock car racing. 

But nobody is counting on Earnhardt's winning. Not with five laps to go 


article By GEOFFREY NORMAN 


Wa 


N © 
ANS 


PLAYBOY 


68 


and not with four. Nor three. Because 
Dale Earnhardt has never won this 
thing in 19 years of trying. If it had 
been the Daytona 499, he'd have won 
two or three of them. He's lost it just 
about every way there is to lose, includ- 
ing having a head-on collision with a 
seagull. Right now fans are most wor- 
тісі about the Chevy Monte Carlo with 
the number 24 painted on its side. Jeff 
Gordon's car. 

Gordon is the blazing new star on 
the Nascar scene. He is 26 years old 
and looks like Tom Cruise. He was 
rookie of the year in 1993. In his daz- 
zling career he has already won 30 
Taces and two season championships— 
Winston Cups—to Earnhardt's rec- 
ord-tying seven. Gordon is clean and 
wholesome, a good Christian lad who 
gives thanks to Jesus for his victories. 
To the fans, it seems plain that Gordon 
1s the inevitable future of stock car rac- 
ing. Traditionalists couldn't hate him 
any more if he were a girl or an Arab. 
They know, to the bottoms of their 
souls, that Gordon is wrong for racing 
and every time he wins it is just more 
proof that something is going bad in 
their universe. 


The first stock car racers, as every- 
one knows, were bootleggers. They 
outran the revenue agents at night and 
raced one another for sport on week- 
ends. Americans have always had a 
weak spot for outlaws. Americans also 
love cars. Put an outlaw in a car—espe- 
cially an American, or stock, car—rac- 
ing against other outlaws in similar 
cars, and you have a nearly unbeatable 
combination. This is how stock car rac- 
ing started out; with renegade drivers 
racing big American iron around little 
dirt tracks for the thrill of it and the 
money they could make on side bets. 
They ran fast, they collided and some- 
times racers were killed 

At first, it was pretty much exclusive- 
ly a Southern passion. Kids in the 
South worshiped drivers and grew up 
wanting to be Fireball Roberts and run 
at Daytona the same way kids up north 
idolized Duke Snider or Stan Musial 
and dreamed of playing for the Dodg- 
ers or the Cardinals. 

Snider and Musial, of course, retired 
in good health. Roberts died because of 
a fiery car crash. Danger was an unde- 
niable clement in the appeal of stock 
car racing. And because it was a South- 
ern thing, there was something exu- 
berant, irrational and a little violent 
about the stock car racing in those ear- 
ly days. The racers would intentional- 
ly knock one another around on the 
track, which was close to attempted 
murder at those speeds. But everybody 
accepted it as just part of racing. 


They were a hell-raising bunch, the 
drivers and the fans. And they didn't 
care. The rest of the country were Yan- 
kees and such trash as that and fuck 
‘em. And, eventually, the rest of the 
country came around, the same way it 
did to country music. Of course, both 
stock car racing and country music 
cleaned up their acts and smoothed 
down a few rough edges on their way 
to the mainstream. But you still see a 
lot of Confederate flags flying in the in- 
field when you go to the track at, say, 
Darlington, South Carolina. It was 
there they lustily booed Bill Clinton 
Even though he’s from Arkansas he 
isn't one of them. 


Back in late 1947 no one could have 
imagined the president attending a 
stock car race, especially in the South. 
Stock car racing was such a marginal 
sport (if it could be dignified with that 
word) that it practically did not exist. 

There was plenty of racing, some of 
it ad hoc and some of it sanctioned by 
rival bodies with different rules and 
rankings. But there was no coherence 
to the sport. So а 65” dynamo named 
Bill France, who had been a garage 
mechanic, race driver and business- 
man, called a meeting in a Daytona 
Beach hotel and became the czar of the 
National Association of Stock Car Auto 
Racing. He ruled his empire for 25 
years, then turned it over to Bill Jr., 
who rules it today. Nascar was an ob- 
scure little outfit in the early days, but 
it has never suffered from lack of lead- 
ership or vision. Both the senior 
France and his son understood intu- 
itively, with a kind of good-old-boy 
cunning, things the rest of American 
business and sports took years to get 
around to. What looked like county- 
fair hucksterism when they did it is 
now standard practice at Disney and 
the National Football League. Corpo- 
rations will spend almost half a billion 
on Nascar this year. Ad images will be 
worth almost a billion. Nascar and its 
cousin, the International Speedway 
Corp. are $2 billion-a-year businesses. 

One of Bill France's strengths—aside 
from the sheer force of his person- 
ality—was a sense of what his audi- 
ence wanted. From the very beginning 
Nascar was run for the entertainment 
of che fans. "France saw that this was 
the entertainment business,” says Par- 
nelli Jones, one of America’s greatest 
drivers. “It wasn't the engineering 
business and it wasn't pure sport. It 
was about getting, and keeping, the 
fans.” 

Which meant creating (and sustain- 
ing) the fiction that what the fans saw 
their favorite drivers pushing around 
the track at Charlotte was the same 


Kind of car they could go out and drive 
themselves. Richard Petty says he can 
remember that when he was a boy, his 
father, Lee, was one of the early stars of 
Nascar. The family would get into the 
car and go to some track, where Rich- 
ard would watch his father race the 
family car. Later, they would all pile 
back in and drive home. It was a hap- 
pier ride if Dad had won. 

The cars still look like production- 
built American cars, even if it is only 
sheet metal-and-decal deep. The Nas- 
car mantra has been “Win on Sunday, 
sell on Monday,” so the powers that be 
have made sure, through careful ma- 
nipulation of the rules, that Chevy re- 
mains competitive with Ford and that 
Pontiac has a place at the table. Given 
the number of fans who show up at the 
track flying Chevy flags or wearing 
sweatshirts that read ГО RATHER PUSH А 
FORD THAN DRIVE A CHEVY, it is vital to 
keep the companies happy and in rac- 
ing. If it were professional football, 
they would call this parity. 

Nascar got the jump on its rivals in 
that department. You can't go out and 
buy Emerson Fittipaldi’s Indy car. You 
can admire his work but you can't em- 
pathize with him the way you can with 
Rusty Wallace in his Ford Taurus. 
Which is just one reason Nascar has left 
Indy car racing behind and why there 
is no Formula One race in the U.S. 
Nascar rules. 

Nascar also tumbled early to the val- 
ue of sponsorship. It was just too ex- 
pensive to run a team on prize money 
and those cars were like billboards with 
100,000 pairs of eyes locked on them 
for two or three hours every weekend. 
Ever since Andy Granatelli paid to put 
the STP logo on Richard Peuy’s car 
in 1972, Nascar has been marketing 
products on those 200-mph billboards. 
They carry the colors and logos of 
everything from snuff to laundry de- 
tergent, cable networks to breakfast ce- 
reals, hamburgers to beer. Half the 
players in the NFL and the NBA may 
wear the Nike swoosh, but the red- 
necks from Nascar were there first 

But most of all, Nascar understood 
that the deepest longing of its most 
hard-core fans was not for speed, not 
for beer-soaked afternoons, not for 
crashes. It was for stars. Idols. Heroes. 
Nascar was onto the celebrity culture of 
the late 20th century early and big. 
And in this regard the sport was lucky. 
Ever since the days when they still ran 
part of the Daytona race on the beach, 
there have been charismatic drivers. 
Curtis Turner, Fireball Roberts, Junior 
Johnson and Lee Petty in the 
and Sixties. Cale Yarborough, Richard 
Petty, Donnie and Bobby Allison, David 
Pearson in the Sixties and Seventies. 

(continued on page 76) 


“Should we come out as a group or singly?” 


Ti | HEnavys top brass might object to my posing,” U 

“| Navy Lieutenant Frederica Spilman said recently, 
| “but many people will support my decision. There 
are two sides to every story." The bright 28-year-old 
Florida resident (dubbed “the Terminator” by her Navy 
pals because of the time she “harshly” confronted a col- 
league) has never shied from breaking new ground 
Adding to an accomplished résumé that indudes gradu- 
ating as class valedictorian of California's Sunny Hills 
High Schocl, competing on the U.S. fencing team at the 
World University Games and graduating with merit from 


this aviator is why we're so fond of naval gazing 


"| don't see myself as ambitious—t 
just dan like limits. 1 find something 
I want to da, then do it to the best of 
my ability,” soys Frederica (clockwise 
from top left: graduating from An- 
nopolis, Navy planes in tight formo- 
tion, sporting Novy dress blues, suit- 
ed up. off duty). And if top Navy 
officers object to her PLAYBOY ap- 
pearance, Lieutenant Spilman de. 

fends herself by soying, "It's my right." 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY ARNY FREYTAG 


Annapolis, Frederica became the 
first female naval flight officer as- 
signed to fly in an ES-3A Shadow. 
She is also the first to shed her 
uniform for PLAYBOY. А contro- 
versial move, sure. But Frederica 
has ideological reasons for p: 
ing. “In the Navy, freedom is lim- 
ited. You can't do whatever you 
want. It's contradictory for a mi 
itary that fights for constitutional 
rights to put restrictions on its 
members.” Being assertive has 
been Frederica's way since she 
was five, the age she first remem- 
bers flying in an airplane. “I told. 
my grandma I loved flying, and 
she said, “Do you w ea 
flight attendant when you grow 
up?’ I said, ‘No, I'd rather be a 
pilot.” The road to becoming a 
naval flight officer was a formida 
ble one (“Many guys didn’t think 
women should be there. They 
didn't accept me at first. I really 
had to prove myself”), but Fred- 
erica uiumphed and is ready to 
tackle her next mission. “When I 
leave the Navy, I'm going to vet- 
erinary school,’ “I love 
ant to take care of 
them.” Nothing can stop her now 


"I've always believed women con do the some things that men can,” says Frederico, whose family includes her identical twin, o brother, 
a Hungorion mother and a Belgian father. “In aur house, it wasn't like my sister and 1 had to do the dishes and my brother had to mow 
the lawn.” Below, left ta right: On the Navy's fencing teom; preparing for flight school in 1991; freshman year at the Naval Academy 


М 


viation is a great adventure,” says Frederica. Her job as a flight officer invalves sitting in the cockpil's right seat and handling naviga- 
tion, communications and the weapons system. Above, from left: an EA-6A in flight, writing a letter in the squadran's "ready roam.” 


"I've flown up to 550 miles an hour,” Frederica explains. “I get a rush every time." Above, left to right: Novy aircraft on deck, the Termi- 
nator in full uniform. “Most guys think women in the military aren't attractive,” Frederica says. "I wanted to show my feminine side." 


PIL A YEB OLY 


76 


Nascar Rules «a from page 68) 


In Nascar, the rule is that if everybody does what he 
is supposed to do, everybody will make money. 


Rusty Wallace, Darrell Waltrip, Dale 
Earnhardt in the Seventies and Eight- 
ies. Earnhardt, Jeff Gordon, Dale Ja- 
rett in the Nineties. Drivers with ice 
water for blood and piano wire for 
nerves. Drivers who would walk away 
from a crash that looked like a certain 
bone crusher and say to reporters with 
a shrug, “Rear end got a little loose on 
me out there in turn three and before I 
knew it, I'd got myself upside down.” 
Nascar fans are loyal to their heroes 
and buy millions of objects that bear 
their images. Dale Earnhardt sells more 
T-shirts than the Rolling Stones do. 

In Nascar, the rule is that if every- 
body does what he is supposed to do, 
everybody will make moncy. Anybody 
who doesn’t want to play ball can take a 
hike. This applies to the drivers—who 
always knew their place or, if they 
didn't, learned quick. When Curtis 
Turner, one ofthe great stars of Nascar, 
tried in 1961 to organize the drivers 
and affiliate them with the Teamsters, 
Bill France kicked him out of Nascar 
and kept him out for five years. Nascar 
made sure that the drivers gave it back 
to the fans, that they signed auto- 
graphs, did interviews, made appear- 
ances and conducted themselves like 
sporting stars should. What the NBA 
has learned about stars—that Larry 
Bird and Magic Johnson could carry 
the sport into orbit and Michael Jordan 
could keep it there—Nascar learned 40 
years ago. Which is why no one thinks 
of it as a pastime for dumb rednecks 
anymore. And why there are no Barry 
Bonds in Nascar. 


Only two drivers have ever won the 
Winston Cup (the seasonal champi- 
onship) seven times. The first was 
Richard Petty, who was merely the 
King. Nobody ever won more Nascar 
races than Petty, who finished with an 
even 200 victories. He took his last vic- 
tory on July 4, 1984 at Daytona, with 
President Ronald Reagan in atten- 
dance. Reagan had a fine, almost 
preternatural feel for the American 
character and so it was appropriate for 
him to give the command “Gentlemen, 
start your engines” from Air Force 
One, on his way down from Washing- 
ton for the race. 

Richard Petty was the great driver 
and great personality of stock car rac- 
ing, the charismatic country boy from 
Level Cross, North Carolina, the man 


with the piercing eyes and the dazzling 
smile who brought racing into the 
American mainstream. 

Like Petty, Dale Earnhardt has won 
the Winston Cup seven times. In a poll 
of Nascar drivers, he was voted, hands 
down, the toughest man on the track. 
Earnhardt is Clint Eastwood to Petty's 
John Wayne. Where Richard Petty was 
the cheerful extrovert, always talking 
and smiling, Dale Earnhardt is the oth- 
er side of the Southern male personali- 
ty: stoic and laconic. He has a worn, 
pitted face. It is striking, especially 
around the hard-set eyes, but nobody 
is going to call him handsome. When 
he is asked, after a race, what hap- 
pened when somebody tried to pass 
him and wound up bouncing off the 
wall and down into the infield, Earn- 
hardt will say, “That's just racing.” 

End of interview. 

Earnhardt won tough. Some fans— 
millions, in fact—may even say he won 
dirty. Plenty of people come out to the 
track just for the pleasure of booing 
him. All over the South you see front li- 
cense plates with an image of a boy 
gleefully peeing on a race car that bears 
the number three: Earnhardt's car. 

But while there were millions of fans 
who hated Dale Earnhardt, there were 
also plenty who loved to hate him. He 
was one of them, a high school dropout 
from Kannapolis, North Carolina, the 
son of the 1956 Nascar Sportsman 
champion. Young Dale grew up hard, 
if not exactly poor. In the early days, he 
drove dirt tracks for groceries. These 
days he is a one-man conglomerate. He 
owns a farm and lots of land and when 
he isn't racing he is hunting deer or 
fishing for bass. He is just about the 
perfect champion for Nascar. As long 
as Earnhardt was winning, and Nascar 
was growing, everything seemed to be 
just like it was supposed to. The way 
God had meant for it to be when 
he called that meeting in Daytona and 
put Bill France in charge of stock car 
racing. 

Then things started changing. Lots 
of things, actually, but the one that fans 
noticed, that summed up all the other 
changes, was that Earnhardt vas losing 
his iron grip. The man stomping on his 
fingers was a choirboy from either Cal- 
ifornia or Indiana (depending on how 
charitable you wanted to be). A kid who 
spent his time away from the track 
playing computer games instead of sit- 
ting up in a tree stand, waiting for a 


shot at a buck. 

At 26, Jeff Gordon has shaken up his 
sport like Tiger Woods rattled the 
foundations of the PGA tour. Gordon is 
nothing like the legendary Nascar driv- 
ers. They were rough, Gordon is 
smooth. He doesn't drink and couldn't 
say shit if he had a mouthful of ir. 
There are no bootleggers or jail terms 
in Gordon's past; his father bought him 
a go-cart when he was five and he has 
been racing, and winning, ever since. 
Jeff Gordon is as clean and wholesome 
as a Boy Scout. In 1995, in only his 
third year of driving for Winston Cup. 
Gordon beat out Earnhardt for the 
championship. Earnhardt, 47, who 
called Gordon the Kid, suggested that 
when the awards banquet was held at 
the Waldorf-Astoria in New York they 
would have to serve milk instead of 
champagne for Gordon. Gordon made 
sure they did and toasted Earnhardt 
with a glass of the white stuff. 

In 1996 Terry Labonte won the cup. 
with Gordon coming in second and 
Earnhardt fourth. Then, in 1997, the 
stars fell out of orbit. Gordon won 
everything, starting with Daytona. He 
won the second race too. And he won 
eight others, including Darlington and 
Charlotte, which gave him three of the 
four prestige races (the other is the 
Winston 500 at Talladega). That 
earned him a bonus Winston Million, 
which only one other driver has ever 
won. The fans booed him passionately, 
and he said, with customary cheerful- 
ness, "They always boo you when you're. 
winning. Right now, I’m winning.” 

Gordon is the new face of stock car 
racing. The fans who loved the old 
days, when racing was as raw as young 
whiskey, took to it like Merle Haggard 
fans ata Shania Twain concert. 

But Gordon wasn't the only sign of 
how racing might be losing its soul. 
More of the drivers were coming from 
places like California. Worse, more of 
the races were being run in some of 
those places. They have racing in New 
Hampshire, at Loudon. And they had 
built big new tracks Тај Mahals, they 
were—in Texas and California. The 
California track was a Roger Penske 
Operation and, like everything he did, 
it was first-class. But Penske was a 
name from Indy cars. 

Racing at those new, elegant tracks 
meant canceling races at the old short 
tracks in Tennessee, North Carolina 
and Virginia, where the sport had its 
roots. The new tracks came with sky- 
boxes, condominiums, jet strips and 
helicopter pads. There still were 
grandstands and there still were in- 
fields where old, reconfigured school 
buses and RVs parked wheel-to-wheel 
and the people who drove them set 

(concluded on page 84) 


77 


"Don't get your hopes up, Melvin. I’m looking for my contact lens.” 


DADS & GRADS 


THE PERFECT GIFTS FOR POMP AND POP 


Technics” SC-HD55 micro stereo system with AM/FM tuner, CD player and cassette deck gets its sleek, retro 

it and oak speaker cabinets (about $700). Atop the stereo 

is Uniden's 900-MHz VoiceDial cordless phone, which uses voice-recognition technology to dial up to 30 phone numbers 
(about $150). Pictured on the table from right to left are: Alfred Dunhill's crocodile-covered Sports lighter (about $300), and 
bubbly at its best—a magnum of Cuvée Dom Pérignon Rosé 1985 (about $400). Sony’s Hi8 TRV85 camcorder features 
NightShot infrared technology that lets you shoot in total darkness ($1100). RCA's RP6198 Scantrak is a 200-channel rac- 
ing scanner that can access multiple car frequencies with a single button (about $200, including headset). The grained calf- 
skin calendar and memo organizer with compartments is by Alfred Dunhill ($275). Two tickets to paradise: Radisson Sev- 
en Seas” newest cruise ship, the luxurious M/S Paul Gauguin, sails weekly out of Tahiti to Bora Bora, Mooréa and other 
exotic ports of call, carrying just 320 passengers. The price: between $2800 and $6800 for seven nights (call 800-285-1835). 
In the background: Roadmaster gets nostalgic with its limited edition (of 5000) single-speed Luxury Liner pedia ($2000). 


ml bottles ($350). A pair of Kenwood's 14-сһаппе! Fi 
ter you spend a week roughing it as a participant in 11 
der Outdoor Survival School, the corporate 


ASSEMUCI ИР BL E 


RESTS ON SOME VERY 


PRETTY SHOULDERS 


ne-minute-20 
to the ‘French 
Whore,” an- 
nounces a Sat- 
urday Night Live 
stage manager. 
Cheri Oteri, in 
black lace, her 
left arm in a 
sling, prepares 
for a game-show sketch in which she 
plays Babette, a 58-year-old Parisian 
prostitute. Next to the coffee machine 
Molly Shannon rehearses her send-up 
of Monica Lewinsky peddling her 
forthcoming tell-all book, How to Give 
the President a Hummer, (She prefers to 
call it Mouth Love.) Nearby, Ana Gast- 
еуег massages a joke with a writer for 
her portrayal of Cinder Calhoun on 
“Weekend Update.” 

They are a triumvirate of feral. fun- 


U HANES SIAN 


ny and fearless women—comic dare- 
devils, chameleons and, sometimes, 
gymnasts. They play sex goddesses, 
punks, junkies, warriors and politi- 
cians with equal conviction. They sniff 
like police dogs for every morsel of 
information that will make a charac- 
ter rich, funny, complicated and real. 
They may be the best female cast SNL 
has ever had. 

“What is interesting about these 
three women is that in addition to be- 
ing as talented as they are, they're in- 
credibly confident,” says Lorne Mi- 
chaels, executive producer of the show 
for 18 of its 23 seasons. “They're really 
powerful. Onstage they have to win 
over the audience, assert the comedy 
and not compromise what they really 
believe in.” 

‘Ana Gasteyer's fascination with what 
she calls “phony personalities” suffuses 
her parodies with the kind of nuance 
and physical detail that can’t be script- 
ed. Gasteyer grew up in Washington, 
D.C. and did brief tours of duty as a 
hospital switchboard operator, office 
temp and restaurant hostess before 
joining the Groundlings, the Los An- 
geles-based improv-sketch comedy 
group. “I spent my childhood watch- 
ing the women on Saturday Night Live, 
thinking I could be a woman doing 
funny stuff on television,” she says. 
From her fictional National Public Ra- 
dio host, Margaret Joe, to Gokie Rob- 
erts, she's fiercely intent on creating “a 
total ambience” around her characters. 
Her takeoff on Martha Stewart is 
matchless: “A terrific way to combat 
Valentine's Day depression is to treat 
yourself to an erotic cake.” 

A two-year (concluded on page 175) 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY EDIE BASKIN 


83 


FIL ASY 84077. 


84 


Nascar Rules «us pon page 76) 


Passing was tougher than usual. Most fans were 
thinking that conditions were good for a wreck. 


up grills and tents with coolers of beer, 
but racing was more about the people 
with the moncy. It was slicker and slick- 
er, just like the music coming out of 
Nashville. 

As if all that weren’t bad enough, 
Dale Earnhardt was looking as though 
he might be washed up. The 1997 sea- 
son started with the wreck at Daytona. 
At Darlington, he had actually passed 
out in his car, wrecking it. Some people 
wondered if it might be all over for the 
man in black. He didn't win a single 
race in 1997, extending his winless 
streak to an unimaginable 59 races. 

After the last race of the season, 
at Atlanta, while the man he used to 
call the Kid and now referred to as 
Gordon danced on the roof of his car 
and sprayed champagne to celebrate 
his second Winston Cup, Earnhardt 
brought his beat-up Monte Carlo back 
to the garage area and parked it in 
front of the transporter. He took off his 
helmet and eased nimbly out of the 
window of the car. There were about 
five reporters there to ask questions. 
He looked not just tired, but depleted. 

“Tires,” Earnhardt answered when 
one reporter asked him what had hap- 
pened when he lost it and hit the wall. 
After a few more routine questions and 
nonresponsive answers, someone asked 
him, “Whats next?” 

“Go back home,” he said. “Work on 
the car and get back to winning.” 


. 


Racing people believe in the cold 
logic of numbers —they measure every- 
thing from tire wear to the surface area 
on the spoiler—but they also believe in 
omens. And. hey, hadn't John Elway 
just gone and won a Super Bowl after 
all those years of coming in second? El- 
way was due, you know, and if anybody 
was ever due, Dale Earnhardt was due 
to win the Daytona 500. 

He seemed to think so himself, and 
told reporters, “You saw that look in 
Elway's eyes? Well, look in my eyes." 

Earnhardt's eyes looked focused and 
hard. But, then, they always did. 

His car ran well. He took one of the 
125-mile qualifiers and said winning 
felt good after a long dry time, even if 
there weren't any points in it. He'd 
start the race up front, in the second 
row. The Labonte brothers and Ster- 
ling Martin were in the first row. Gor- 
don was back in the pack, at 29th, be- 
cause ofa bad pit stop in the qualifier, 


but nobody thought he'd brought a 
slow car to Daytona. 

It was dark Sunday, February 15, 
with a threat of rain, when the flag was 
dropped. The wind was blowing hard 
enough to push the cars around and 
that made passing tougher than usual. 
Most fans were thinking that condi- 
tions were good for a wreck, one of 
those multicar collisions that can ruin a 
good run, even when a driver is due. 

Earnhardt ran fast and mostly out 
front in the early part of the race. He 
was leading when he went in for his 
first pit stop and running fifth when he 
came back out on the track. He had a 
good crew and they made a clean, effi- 
cient stop. But Gordon's crew, called 
the Rainbow Warriors because of their 
team colors, did better and Gordon 
was in the lead. A little shiver of dread 
passed among the thousands of fans 
pulling for Earnhardt when the scan- 
ner picked up a transmission of Gor- 
don's. He told his crew that the car was 
perfect and that he didn't think anyone 
on the track could beat him. 

Things did not look good for the le- 
gion of Anybody But Gordon fans. 
Jeff Gordon was out front, pulling a 
four-car or five-car draft. The famous 
draft can be an equalizer at Daytona. 
The lead car breaks up the air, which 
makes it smoother for the following 
cars. But the lead car also gets a push 
from the vacuurn. Everybody gets help. 
Two or three cars in a row, running 
nose to tail, can outrun a car hanging, 
out on its own. But you have to know 
how to work it and when to leave the 
draft to make your move and how to 
get help from others to gang up on the 
leader. Using the draft, along with his 
aggressive instincts, craftily, Earnhardt 
blew by Gordon on lap 123 of a race 
that looked like it might go the whole 
500 miles without a wreck (on the 
track, anyway; there were some prob- 
lems in the pit). 

Then, on lap 174, when it was time 
to go in for the final pit stop, Richard 
Petty’s new driver, John Andretti, got 
into it with another car and the yellow 
caution flag went up. The lead cars 
dove into the pits and the fans, who 
were beginning to believe it might be 
the Intimidator’s time, held their breath 
for the time it took to change all four 
tires and pour in a few gallons of gas. 

Earnhardt kept driving low, shutting 
off the passing lane. As each lap went 
by, the cheering grew louder. With 


three laps to go, Gordon was in third, 
lined up to make his move. But he lost 
power, fell out of the draft and finished 
16th. Bobby Labonte and Jeremy May- 
field now had the last shot at Ear 
hardt. They banged away at each oth- 
er through the straight as Earnhardt 
passed a lapped car and shut the door 
with help from the third caution of the 
race. He won it by being too tough 
to pass. 

The cheering went on through the 
victory lap and as Earnhardt took his 
car through the pit, where all the crews 
from other cars lined up to congratu- 
late him and to slap the hand he ex- 
tended through his car window. No- 
body could remember seeing anything 
like it before. 

No one left the track, except for a 
few of the people in the skyboxes who 
had private jets waiting and big deals to 
attend to. This was for the hard-core. 
At his press conference Earnhardt 
threw a stuffed animal into the crowd 
of reporters. It was, he said, the 
“damned monkey” he had finally got- 
ten off his back. He said all the things 
about how this was the best moment of 
his career. And then he made it plain 
that this wasn't some isolated, senti- 
mental victory. He was back for the 
whole package. “We're looking for that 
eighth championship,” he said. 

‘One week after Daytona, while some 
fans were still celebrating Daytona, 
they raced at Rockingham, North Car- 
olina. It was a tough race, with lots of 
crashes and lots of yellows, and, after 
fighting with a car that wasn’t set up 
right and coming back from way be- 
hind, the winner was Jeff Gordon. 

There is a phrase they use in racing 
When you take a car off the transporter 
and put it out on the track and every- 
thing is just right and you don't need to 
adjust the carburetor or the chassis or 
anything, when the car is running per- 
fect, blowing the doors off the competi- 
tion, then that car is dialed in. This 
year's season is looking like it is dialed 
in. They'll move on to Darlington, the 
toughest and oldest of the big tracks. 
To Bristol, the best of the short tracks. 
‘Talladega, the fastest of them all. Rich- 
mond. Michigan. Indy. Charlotte for 
600 miles on the same day they run the 
Indy 500. Phoenix. Adanta. Thirty- 
three races, with razor-close finishes, 
multicar crashes, gallons of sunscreen, 
tons of charcoaled meat, oceans of ice- 
cold beer and hundreds of thousands 
of fans who just can't get enough. 

Fifty years in and this has to be the 
kind of year Bill France had in mind 
when he got the whole thing going and 
gave the world racing, American style 


/ 


| | 


“Maybe we should go to my place after all!” 


86 


ТАТТЫ HISTORY 


worry beads. The dispenser is the badge of the 
new liberated woman. 
Stick out your tongue. In the summer of 
1960 a Harvard lecturer named Timothy 


tick out your tongue. Your world is 
about to change. 

In 1960 a bureaucrat at the Food 
and Drug Administration gives ap- 
proval to Enovid, an oral contra- 

ceptive based on a hormone made from Mex- 
ican yams. The Pill, as it will be called, will free 
women from centuries of fear and will give 
them control of their bodies. By the end of the 
decade more than six million women will be on 
the Pill, performing a daily ritual once occupied by 


At the start of the Sixties the party was in full swing 
ond Hef was the perfect host. Taking the Center- 
fold from the pages af his magazine, he created the 
Playboy Bunny—a living, breathing fantasy, the 
decade’s first real sex symbol. A piece of Americana, 
her costume wos put on display at the Smithsonian. 


ILLUSTRATION BY STUDIO MARTIN HOFFMAN, 


The sexual revalution had heroes, po 
ets, martyrs and caurt jesters. The Pill 
offered better living thraugh chemistry 
Naked was beautiful, be it а Russ Mey- 
er star (above) ar the cost af Hair ca- 
vorting in the Playbay Mansion poal 


mg 
а taste of mortality. PLAYBOY ге- 
placed The Stars and Stripes on the 
front. Back home, heads turned ta 
underground papers far a new 
worldview. The youth of the natian 
embraced a gentler visian. Pop 
culture became counterculture. 
Alienation became Woadstack Na- 
tion. Sexuality came out into the 
open, whether at topless bars in 
San Francisco (above) or music 
festivals at Woodstock, New York 
The Playboy Rabbit Head cropped 
up everywhere. Still, the film Lolito 
created controversy, as did adver- 
tisements for the magazine Eros. 


It was a time of riot and contradiction. Cities 
bumed, while we flipped far Raquel, Nancy, 
Bob, Coral, Ted and Alice. Neil Armstrong 
walked on the moan. Jahn and Yoko posed 


nude for Two Virgins. Rudi Gernreich intra- | 
duced the topless bathing suit; others used | 
the body os a canvas. Peter Fanda encoun- 
tered the dark side af America in Eosy Rider. — 


POLTAPYORODIY 


92 


is change—sudden, unexpected reve- 
lation. For 60 years we have charted 
the rise and fall of hemlines and found 
meaning. In England, designer Mary 
Quant creates something Called the 
miniskirt. “Am 1 the only woman,” she 
asks, “who has ever wanted to go to bed 
with a man in the afternoon? Any law- 
abiding female, it used to be thought, 
waits until dark. Well, there are lots of 
girls who don't want to wait, Mini- 
clothes are symbolic of them.” 

The world rediscovers women's legs, 
flashing scissors of energetic skin cut- 
ting through crowded city streets. After 
a decade of girdles and bullet bras, the 
female body is free. 

Designer Rudi Gernreich introduces 
a topless bathing suit and within days 
Carol Doda wears her own version in 
the first modern topless bar, in San 
Francisco's North Beach. In subse- 
quent weeks customers watch Doda's 
breasts grow from 34D to a monumen- 
tal 44DD, augmented by silicone injec- 
tions. Like volcanves, they seem to 
symbolize a force of nature, something 
that evokes awe and wonder. 

Marshall McLuhan, a professor of 
culture and technology at the Universi- 
ty of Toronto who seems to have an ex- 
planation for almost everything, has 
lunch with writer Tom Wolfe in a top- 
less restaurant. “Don't you see?" McLı 
han remarks. “They're wearing us.” 
What does it portend? 

McLuhan looks at the waitresses’ 
breasts and comments, “The topless 
waitress is the opening wedge of the 
trial balloon.” 

The body politic rediscovers the 
body. America goes from a country tit- 
illated by a young girl wearing an tsy 
Bitsy Teenie Weenie Yellow Polka Dot Bikini 
to one watching a bare-breasied wom- 
an playing the cello. By the end of 
the decade, actors will romp naked on 
Broadway in Hair and Oh! Calcutta! 
The cast of Dionysus in '69 pulls a wom- 
an from the audience each night and 
makes love to her onstage. In Peter 
Weiss’ Marat/Sade, the inmates in the 
asylum of Charenton will ask, “What's 
the point of a revolution without gen- 
eral copulation?” 

‘Taboos disappear overnight. An arti- 
cle in Time comments on a new Ameri- 
can passion called “Spectator Sex. 

McLuhan tries to make sense of the 
revolution. In The Medium Is the Message 
and other books he propounds a theo- 
ry of social change. We live, he says, in 
a global village connected by clectron- 
ic media. Type, he says, is linear and 
trained man to adopt a single point of 
view. Television, on the other hand, isa 
cool medium—a mosaic, a field of tiny 
moving dots, an incomplete image that 
“commands immediate participation in 
depth and admits of no delays.” Televi- 


sion creates an urge for involvement. 
We yearn, he says, to complete the pic- 
ture. He calls this new force of energy 
“participation mystique.” 

Seventy-three million people watch 
the Beatles on The Ed Sullivan Show. An 
adolescent sexual response that bi 
with bobby-soxers going wild in the 
streets over Sinatra in the Forties 
gained momentum in the Fifties with 
female fans who fainted at the sight of. 
Elvis. In Re-Making Love, Barbara Eh- 
renreich credits Beatlemania with un- 
leashing the teenage sexual revolution 
of the Sixties: 

“For the girls who participated in 
Beatlemania, sex was an obvious part 
of the excitement. One of the most 
common responses to reporters’ quer- 
ies on the sources of Beatlemania was, 
“Because they're sexy.’ And this expla- 
nation was in itself a small act of defi- 
ance. It was rebellious (especially for 
young fans) to lay claim to sexual feel- 
ings. It was even more rebellious to lay 
claim to the active, daring side of sexu- 
al attraction. The Beatles were the ob- 
jects, the girls were their pursuers. The 
Beatles were sexy; the girls were the 
ones who perceived them as sexy and 
acknowledged the force of an un- 
governable, if somewhat disembodied, 
lust. To assert an active, powerful sexu- 
ality by the tens of thousands and to do 
so in a way calculated to attract maxi- 
mum attention was more than rebel- 
lious. It was in its own unformulated, 
dizzy way, revolutionary.” 

The revolution in sex roles, in ap- 
pearances, in what it means to be a 
man or a woman, unfolds in the ume it 
takes to grow a beard or long hair or to 
don a shortened skirt. Early reports la- 
bel these changes youthful phenom- 
cna, something akin to the Flaming 
Youth of the Twenties. The revolution 
does seem to belong to those under 25, 
but something more is at work here. 
The Lost Generation of the Twenties 
ran headlong into the Depression. 
Youth in the Fifties had grown up in 
the parancia and conservatism of the 
Cold War, an era marked by the politics 
of fatigue. Had they opted to become 
their parents, we would still be living 
on the set of Happy Days. What was dif- 
ferent about the Sixties? 

At the start of the decade John Fitz- 
gerald Kennedy takes up residence in 
the White House. He is young, physi- 
cally attractive, a rogue, a wit, a man 
whose middle name reminds writers of 
E Scott Fitzgerald, a man who tells the 
nation that the young are better fitted 
to direct history than the old are. Came- 
lot dies abruptly, with an assassin's bul- 
let, but the prophecy will be fulfilled 
Reminded of your mortality, you will 
create a new, more personal form of 
morality. 


A generation that will be known as 
the Baby Boomers will accomplish by 
sheer numbers what no generation be- 
fore could even contemplate. In 1960 
there are 24 million people age 15 
through 24. By 1970 there were 35.3 
million. By 1966, 48 percent of the 
population was under the age of 26. 

The flood of immigrants at the turn 
of the century had created a new 
America; this time the flood came from 
within. 

The young spend $12 billion a year 
on their own subculture—clothes, mu- 
sic, movies. From folk to rock, the mu- 
sic provides a soundtrack for change 
Elvis returns from a stint in the Army 
asking, Are You Lonesome Tonight? The 
Shirelles wonder, Will You Love Me To- 
morrow? The Rolling Stones snarl, (1 
Can't Get No) Satisfaction. The music 
moves beyond moon and June, with 
artists such as Bob Dylan and John 
Lennon crafting songs that provoke 
the conscience of a nation. This is arev- 
olution with a beat you can dance to. 

‘Television, the tool of togetherness 
in the Fiftics, now tears familics apart. 
We watch police and National Guards- 
men turn firchoses on civil rights and 
antiwar demonstrators, see water pres- 
sure that Can “strip the bark off a tree” 
spin students around as though they 
were dolls. The Sixties will give us a 
generation gap as wide as the Grand 
Canyon. 

You watch the war escalate on televi- 
sion. And again the numbers spin out 
of control. In Vietnam, 700 advisors in 
1961 became 16,000 troops іп 1963— 
542,000 by 1969. We watch the birth of 
resistance. Buddhist monks set them- 
selves afire in protest. Young men burn 
their draft cards and march on the 
Pentagon, arm in arm with old radi- 
cals, chanting the new anthem of the 
decade: “Make Love, Not War.” 


THE PLAYBOY MYSTIQUE 


Amid all this chaos is one place of ur- 
ban revelry. Norman Mailer described 
the scene in The Presidential Papers: 
“The Bunnies went by in their cos- 
tumes, electric-blue silk, Kelly green, 
flame pink, pin-ups from a magazine, 
faces painted into sweetmeats, flow- 
er tops, tame lynx, piggie, poodle, a 
queen or two from a beauty contest. 
They wore Gay Nineties rig that exag- 
gerated their hips, bound their waists 
in a ceinture, and lifted them into a 
phallic brassiere—each breast looked 
like the big bullet on the front bumper 
of a Cadillac. Long black stockings—up 
almost to the waist on each side—and 
to the back, on the curve of the can, as 
if ejected tenderly from the body, was 
the puff of chastity, a little white ball of 
a Bunny’s tail that bobbled as they 

(continued on page 110) 


“T said, ‘Knock off the doodling and slap on that 
second coat of paint! " 


94 


When she's not shopping ("Thot's my favorite postime”), modeling or moonlighting as o 
cigorette girl ot Dennis Rodmon's Illusions, a Chicogo nightclub (obove), Morio solsos the 
night owoy (top). "My friends ond I love to go out, pick up boys ond donce,” she soys. 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY RICHARD FEGLEY 


our miss june 
left avane 


to become a star 


ARIA LUISA GIL is a head turner. 
When the Cuban-born 20-year-old 
glides through Wildfire, a Chicago 
eatery, in a minidress and thigh-high 
boots, necks crane, jaws drop and whis- 
pers fill the air. Everybody knows she’s 
somebody, Back in Cuba, Maria knew 
she was somebody too, which prompt 
ed her to send her modeling photos to 
our headquarters. 
Q: You lived in Cuba until December 
1996. What brought you to the States? 
A: America has so many opportuni- 
ties. It’s impossible to make money as a 


model in Guba, Everyone is poor, ex- 
cept for about five percent of the popu- 
lation. It's sad. 

Q: Was it hard being a sexy woman 
ina macho society? 

A: Oh, yes. In Cuba, if you're sexy 
you're considered a whore. Everyone 
Stares at you when you walk down the 
street. They say some terrible things 
about you 

Q: What sexual behaviors are unac- 
ceptable in Cuba? 

A: Any sexual behavior! Cuba is to- 
tally repressed. Nude pictures are not 
allowed. PLaYBOY is not allowed. When 
I saw my first PLAYBOY, on a visit to the 
U.S., it had the sexiest pictures I'd ever 
seen. 1 knew right away I wanted to be 
a part of it. 

Q: What's the difference between Cu- 
ban men and American men? 

A: Cuban guys are jealous and pos- 
sessive. I don't like that. I'm a liberal, 
independent girl. The only person I let 
tell me what to do is my mother. 

Q: Whar's your definition of a Lat- 
in lover? 

A: A guy who's romantic. The can- 
dies, fine wine and classical music type. 

Q: Besides sexual freedom, what do 
you appreciate about life here that an 


American might take for granted? 

A: Restaurants. Here, my brother 
and mom and I can go out to eat any 
time we want. In Cuba the only restau- 
rants are elite clubs that just the rich 
and beautiful are allowed into. 

Q: Tell us about Cuban cuisine. 

A: The food there is not so good 
Everything you cat in Cuba is pro- 
duced in Cuba. No one has the money 
to grow decent crops. 

Q: What are the three most impor- 
tant English phrases to know? 

How are you?”, "What time is it?" 
"s the rest room?" 
's the most romantic rum 


A: A piña colada 

Ө: Why is it that Cuban cigars are 
so revered? 

A: Good question. I'll have to ask 
Dennis Rodman next time I see him 

Q: Are you hot-blooded? 

A: No, I'm just happy. I'm proud of 
myself and what I've accomplished. It's 
been my dream to come to America, 
and this is where I’m going to stay. 


"I'm very happy ta be living and working in 
the United States. I want everyone in the 
world ta knaw my name,” explains Maria, 
who came to America from Cuba in 1996. 


is just not don: Cuba,” Moria says. “It’s such a repressive culture. Nude pictures are not allowed. When I called a 
friend there and tald her I was doing this, she said, ‘Girl, yau're crazy!’ But | live here naw. | dan't care what anyone in Cuba says." 


PLAYMATE DATA SHEET 


ware, Morio иб. Gut 

eL зае ЦИЕ реа DN 

HEIGHT: Sun WEIGHT: | 2 5 

BIRTH DATE: 12-10-12 BIRTHPLACE: 
Jerone 


AMBITIONS: 0 


LATIN GIRLS: 


FAVORITE MOVIE: 


M wars old in Copa 15 year: Hor mem 


18 years am an 
the Neningway Hot 


PLAYBOY’S PARTY JOKES 


At the height of happy hour, a man stood up 
and shouted, “All lawyers are assholes!” 

“Hey! I resent that!” a guy at the end of the 
bar hollered back. 

“Why?” the first man asked. "Are you а 
lawyer?" 

“No! Im an asshole.” 


T-shirt seen at a bar on Martha's Vineyard: “I 
blew the president and all I got was this stupid 
Tshin.” 


А businessman came home hoping to unwind 
after a rough day ar work Following a relaxin 
EIA ORE «ommend 
his wife retired to separate beds—but the hus- 
band wasn't ready to sleep. He called over to 
his wife, “My little boopey-boo, I'm lonely.” 

The woman got out of bed and started to 
cross the room but tripped on the carpet and 
fell. “Oh,” the ИКС asked with concern, 
“did my little honey-bunny fall on her little 
nosey-wosey?” 

Near apa 
to his bed where the two enjoyed a passionate 
hour of lovemaking. When they were finished, 
the woman got up to return to her bed, but 
once again caught her foot on the carpet 
and fell. 

The man raised his head from the pillow. 
“Clumsy bitch,” he muttered. 


Sign seen in a veterinarian’s waiting room: BE 
BACK IN FIVE MINUTES. SIT. STAY! 


Pravsoy classic: “Forgive me, Father, for 1 
have sinned,” the young woman said. 

“Confess your sins and be forgiven,” the 
priest murmured. 

“Last night my boyfriend made passionate 
love to me seven times.” 

‘The priest considered for a moment. “Go 
home and suck the juice from seven lemons,” 
he said. 

“Will that cleanse me of my sins?” 

"No," the cleric replied, “but it'll wipe that 
smile off your face.” 


What's the definition of dumb? A guy who 
rolls up his sleeve when a girl says she wants to 
feel his muscle. 


Three friends—a dentist, a lawyer and a 
banker—sat down in a gentlemen's club. When 
a dancer came over to their table, the dentist 
pulled out a $10 bill, licked it and stuck it on 
her behind. 

Not to be outdone, the lawyer pulled outa 
$50 bill, licked it and stuck it next to the ten. 

The banker thought for a minute, took out 
his ATM card, swiped it down her crack, 
grabbed the 60 bucks and went home. 


A man had been drinking ar the bar for hours 
when he mentioned something about his girl- 
friend being out in the car. The bartender, 
сазан aero th ues ЧЕНЕЙ, ET a 
check on her. When he looked inside the car, 
he saw the man's buddy, Pete, and his girl go- 
ing at it in the backseat. The bartender shook 
his head and walked back inside. He told the 
drunk that he thought it might be a good idea 
to check on his girlfriend. 

The fellow staggered outside to the car, saw 
his buddy and his girlfriend entwined, then 
walked back into the bar laughing, 

“What's so funny?” the bartender asked 

“That damned Pete!” the fellow chortled. 
"He's so drunk, he thinks he's me!” 


Why do they paint a yellow line down the 
middle of the corridor: federal buildings? 
So the employees coming in late don't bump 
into those leaving early. 


Ag A 


THIS MONTH'S MOST FREQUENT SUBMISSION: A lin- 
rofessor was lecturing his class. “In 
English,” he explained, “a double negative 
forms a positive. In some languages, such as 
Russian, a double negative is still a negative. 
However,” the professor continued, “there is 
no language wherein a double positive can 
form a negative.” 

A voice from the back of the room piped up. 
“Yeah, right.” 


Send your jokes on postcards to Party Jokes Editor, 
PLAYBOY, 680 North Lake Shore Drive, Chicago, 
Illinois 60611, or by e-mail lo jokes@ playboy, „сот. 
$100 will be paid to the contributor whose submis- 
sion is selected. Sorry, jokes cannot be returned. 


“Now remember, hon . . . you gotta promise this tape won't ever 
show up for sale on the Internet." 


107 


minigise: 


THE RECORDABLE PORTABLE 


ou probably know 

plenty about Sha- 

quille O'Neal. He's 

an NBA superstar, a 

rapper with threc 
CDs to his name, a big- 
screen action hero and Pep- 
si's favorite pitchman. But 
did you know that Shaq is 
also wired? We mean way 
wired—and these days he's 
especially hip to the mini- 
disc, a small recordable CD 
housed in a plastic, floppy 
disk-type casing. “MDs are 
perfect for recording your 
own music,” Shaq says. “And 
since they're so little, they're 
easy to carry around and 


WITH SLAM-DUMH 


store.” Popular in Japan and 
Europe, the five-year-old 
minidisc has yet to make its 
mark Stateside. Our theory 
on this slow progress? Most 
Americans don't have a clue 
about the MD and its slick 
features. So here's the 
straight dope: First, the 
minidisc is not a replace- 
ment for the CD. Its palm- 
size proportions, sturdy de- 
sign and recordability make 
it a successor to the analog 
cassette. As Shaq points out, 
“the MD is digital, so the 
sound quality is virtually 
identical to a CD's.” That 
means you can record a mix 
of songs by your favorite 
artists onto an MD and it will 
sound nearly perfect, with 
none of the hiss or noise 
common on tape record- 
ings. As an additional bonus, 
you can plug the names of 
the songs you're recording 


DIGITAL SOUND 


shat » Tracks 


ELECTRONICS BY 


BETH ТІШТІНІШ 


(and the artists) into the MD 
unit, and they will appear on 
the gear’s liquid crystal dis- 
play during playback. You 
can then take your compila- 
tion disc with you in the 
car (there are in-dash mini- 
disc changers), to the gym 
(portable units are small 
enough to fit into the pocket 
of your T-shirt) or to a 
friend's place to play on his 
or her home deck or MD 
compact stereo. And mi 
discs don’t scratch easi 
The format's hard plastic 
shell (pictured below with 
the Sony portable) is de- 
signed to take a Greg Os- 
tertag-style beating. Best of 
all, prices for MD gear have 
dropped big time. Portable 
units that once cost upwards 


of $500 now sell for about 
$250. Sony and Sharp also 
sell minidisc "bundles" that 
combine both home and to- 
go gear, along with a couple 
of blank minidiscs, for about 
$550. The blank discs cost 
about $7 each (for 74 min- 
utes) and can be recorded 
over with no loss in sound 
quality. Other cool MD ma- 
chine features include: mi- 
crophone jacks on portable 
units, computer connections 
(for recording tunes by ob- 
scure bands off the Internet) 
and shock memory systems 
(which let the beat go on 
even when you happen to 
hit a pothole). 


Left to right: Sharp's MD-X8 minisystem has a three-disc CD 
changer, on AM-FM tuner with 40 station presets, a minidisc ploy- 
er and recorder ond a futuristic remote control (about $750). With 
оп optional adapter kit ($250) you can also download audio off the 
Internet. Kenwood's 1050MD is a minidisc home deck with drive 


technology thot reduces digital distortion during recordings 
(5400). Fisher's slick PH-MD3100 boom box is о combinotion 
AM-FM tuner, CD ployer, cassette deck ond MD player and 
recorder ($500). Sony's top-looding MZ-EP11 pocket-size portable 
МӘ ployer gets five hours of playback with one AA battery ($250). 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY MARC HAUSER 


PLAYBOY 


110 


(continued from page 92) 


Steinem’s Bunny costume was troublesome. The 
satin had to be taken in two inches for a proper fit. 


walked. The Playboy Club was the 
place for magic.” 

Bugh Hefner was a master of partic- 
ipation mystique. In 1960 he offered a 
new diversion from the worries of the 
Atomic Age. PLAYEOY had sparked a 
male rebellion in the Fifties, redefin- 
ing bachelorhood, offering urbanity in 
place of the macho posturing of the 
postwar era. It reached a million read- 
ers a month. The magazine was a wish 
book for the urban male, as popular in 
its way as the Sears, Roebuck catalog 
had been in rural America at the turn 
of the century. Hefner had created a 
fantasy, and now he moved to make 
that fantasy real—for himself and for 
his readers. 

On February 29, 1960 he opened the 
first Playboy Club, in Chicago, and cre- 
ated what would become the first sex 
star of the Sixties. The Playboy Bunny 
was admittedly a most unlikely candi- 
date in her satin costume, ears and cot- 
ton tail, but she would become world 
famous. 

Variety called the Playboy Clubs “a 
Disneyland for adults.” Within two 
years there were 300,000 keyholders, 
by the end of the decade almost one 
million. Playboy Clubs spread across 
America and abroad. Time complained 
that the clubs were "brothels without a 
second story.” These descriptions were 
not inaccurate. The dubs recalled the 
private speakeasies of the Roaring 
‘Twenties, and even carlier versions ofa 
malc world. Like the Everleigh Club in 
Chicago, the Haymarket in New York 
or Storyville in New Orleans, Playboy 
Clubs presented an intoxicating mix of 
food and alcohol, music and other en- 
tertainment in a sophisticated, sexually 
charged atmosphere 

Hefner had re-created that world 
and rendered it squeaky clean, The 
dubs and the magazine celebrated the 
erotic without a hint of the tawdry. 
Generations of Americans may have as- 
sociated sex with sin, but the Bunnie 
like their Centerfold counterparts, 
were nice girls. As Hefner pointed out 
to the editors of Time, the “Look But 
Don't Touch” rule was strictly en- 
forced. If the editors of Time wanted 
more, that was their problem 

In a way, the Playboy Clubs marked 
the end of an era, a time of sexual 
innocence that would soon be gone. 
Hefner said that he envisioned the 
Bunny as a “waitress elevated to the 
level of a Ziegfeld Follies Girl.” Florenz 


Ziegfeld hadn't felt obliged to make the 
Ziegfeld Girls available to the custom- 
ers during intermission, he said. 

But the Bunnies were controversial 
just the same, requiring litigation in 
both Chicago and New York to acquire 
and retain licenses. Beauty, it was said, 
was in the eye of the keyholder. 

Like everything associated with 
PLAYBOY, the clubs were politically con- 
troversial as well. The Playboy Clubs 
were integrated in Miami and New Or- 
leans when Southern states were still 
opposed to integration. And the clubs 
became a launching pad for black co- 
medians who had never worked in 
white establishments before. Dick Greg- 
огу got his start making racial equality 
the topic of his humor by telling key- 
holders, “1 sat at a lunch counter nine 
months. When they finally integrated, 
they didn't have what 1 wanted." 

The Playboy Clubs also helped 
launch the career of budding journalist 
and future feminist Gloria Steinem, 
who went underground as a Playboy 
Bunny at the New York Club in 1963. 
Her first impression of the club was un- 
expectedly favorable: “The total effect 
is cheerful and startling,” she said. 

Steinem announced that the cos- 
tume was troublesome. The satin had 
to be taken in two inches for a proper 
fit. The built-in bras came in just two 
sizes: 34D and 36D. She kept a list of 
unofficial bosom stuffers: leenex, 
plastic dry cleaners' bags, absorbent 
cotton, cut-up Bunny tails, foam rub- 
ber, lamb's wool, Kotex halves, silk 
scarves and gym socks.” 

Later she would complain that two 
weeks as a Bunny had left her feet 
“permanently enlarged by a half size by 
the very high heels and long hours of 
walking with heavy trays.” If Prince 
Charming arrived with the glass slip- 
per, would it still fit? 

Steinem concluded in the end: “All 
women are Bunnies.” 


MR. PLAYBOY 


In 1960 Hugh Hefner came out 
from behind the desk and started liv- 
ing the life his magazine promoted. In 
addition to opening the first Playboy 
Club, he moved into a 70-room man- 
sion on Chicago's Gold Coast and be- 
gan hosting a syndicated television 
show titled Playboys Penthouse. It was a 
black-tie party featuring Centerfolds 
and celebrities such as Lenny Bruce, 


Ella Fitzgerald, Tony Bennett, Sammy 
Davis Jr., Ray Charles, Sarah Vaughan, 
Dizzy Gillespie, Count Basie and Duke 
Ellington. The interracial nature of 
this social gathering assured no syndi- 
cation in the South. 

The party format was a reflection of 
the real party that was going on at the 
Playboy Mansion. The brass plaque on 
the door announced: si NON OSCILLAS 
NOLI TINTINNARE (If you don't swing, 
don't ring). All America knew about the 
round-the-clock revelry, the indoor 
pool, the underwater bar, the woo grot- 
to, the Bunnies and Playmates in resi- 
dence and—at the center of it all—the 
round, rotating, vibrating bed. One 
writer described Hef in literary terms 
as a latter-day Gatsby who had assem- 
bled all the props—the never-ending 
parties, the red velvet jacket, the pipe, 
the white Mercedes 300SL convertible, 
the incredible Big Bunny jet. Hef was 
living out a bachelor's version of the 
American Dream. 

Although we didn't know it at the 
time, JFK was having similar parties in 
the pool at the White House. He swung 
can Sinatra and his Rat Pack pals in 

Vegas and had an affair with Marilyn 
Monroe. When Marilyn sang “Happy 
Birthday, Mr. President,” wearing a 
dress that hardly covered the essen- 
tials, it seemed appropriate that a Hol- 
lywood sex star pay homage to the 
Washington icon. Kennedy, it was said, 
would do for sex what Eisenhower had 
done for golf. 

Perhaps we should have suspected. 
Kennedy, after all, was a James Bond 
fan, and Agent 007 was the quintessen- 
ual bachelor. Ian Fleming's hero was 
an ongoing part of PLAYBOY in the Six- 
ties. Bond is a rLaysoy reader, Fleming 
said, and in the film version of Dia- 
monds Are Forever, he was also a member 
of the London Playboy Club. 

James Bond—and the superspy phe- 
nomenon he inspired—was clearly а 
part of the Sixties PLAYBOY mystique, 
with its emphasis on gadgetry and 
girls. (The license to kill was strictly 
Fleming's invention.) Dean Martin's 
Matt Helm actually used working for a 
fictional version of PLayBOY as his cover 
and cavorted in a rotating round bed 
with Slaymates. 

If we were going to save the world, 
we would do so stylishly, with the right 
wine and appropriate company. There 
would always be time for one last fling 
before getting back to business. Fan- 
cy fucking would win the Cold War, 
America's fascination with superspy 
spoofery was a sign the Cold War was 
no longer producing the paranoia of 
previous decades. The Red Menace 
was still there—but films such as Dr. 
Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop 
Worrying and Love the Bomb ridiculed 


“1 love my home on the range, where seldom is 
heard a discouraging word.” 


111 


PLAYBOY 


112 


the military, with its Puritan zeal to pre- 
serve precious bodily fluids. 

The last thing Hefner cared about 
was preserving precious bodily fluids. 


THE MAGAZINE 


At the start of the decade PLAYBOY 
had been a literary magazine with a 
Centerfold, devoted to satire, science 
fiction and the art of seduction. In the 
Sixties it added a social consciousness. 
The magazine took controversial and 
frequently unpopular positions on 
sex, drugs, race, religion and the war. 
PLAYBOY actively campaigned against 
involvement in Vietnam, but support- 
ed the servicemen who were sent there. 
The Washington Post reported that 
PLAYBOY played the same part in Viet- 
nam that The Stars and Stripes had 
played during World War Two. The 
men in Vietnam turned their rec 
rooms into Playboy Clubs and painted 
the Rabbit Head logo on jeeps and he- 
licopters. The troops papered the walls 
of hutches with Centerfolds. Thou- 
sands of miles away from home, they 
still had the girl next door. No one 
knew what they were fighting for, but 
the Playboy Playmate represented what 
they hoped to find on their return. 

It was said that you could tell when 
a particular battalion had arrived in 
Nam by the month of the first Center- 
fold hanging on the wall 

Hef had created PLAYBOY for the 
young urban male of his generation, 
but no one, not even Hefner, was pre- 
pared for what happened when the Ba- 
by Boomers came of age and began to 
buy the magazine. Circulation climbed 
from one million a month in 1960 to 
nearly six million at the end of the 
decade. One out of every four college 
men purchased the magazine every 
month—and the rest were presumably 
reading a classmate's copy. More than 
in any other medium, the Sixties hap- 
pened in the pages of PLAYBOY. 


‘THE PLAYBOY PHILOSOPHY 


In 1962 Hefner sar down to write 
what he immodestly referred to as “the 
Emancipation Proclamation of the sex- 
ual revolution.” He called it simply The 
Playboy Philosophy, and in it the edi- 
tor-publisher spelled out— "for friends 
and critics alike—our guiding princi- 
ples and editorial credo.” 

Having led men out of bondage in 
the Fifties, Hefner was ready to ad- 
dress some of the more serious ques- 
tions related to sexual repression. He 
returned to the topics he had dealt 
with in 1950 in a college paper on irra- 
tional sex laws. It was a personal re- 
sponse to the hurt and hypocrisy of our 
Puritan heritage. 

The Philosophy was a 25-part teach- 
in on sex, a consciousness-raising ses- 


sion that defined freedom in terms of 
the individual. Hefner believed that 
“man’s personal self-interest is natur- 
al and good,” that “morality should be 
based upon reason,” that “the purpose 
in man’s life should be found in the full 
living of life itself and the individual 
pursuit of happiness.” 

He attacked “the utter lack of justi- 
fication in the State's making unlaw- 
ful certain private acts performed by 
two consenting adults" and said flatly, 
"There can be no possible justification 
for religion's using the State to coer- 
cively control the sexual conduct of the 
members of a free society. 

“If a man has a right to find God in 
his own way,” he wrote, “he has a right 
to go to the Devil in his own way also.” 

If we were not free in our minds and 
our bodies, we were not free. 

Critics claimed that PLAYBOY had be- 
come a bible for young men and 
warned that “The Playboy Philosophy has 
become a substitute religion.” Ben- 
jamin DeMott, a professor of English at 
Amherst, charged in an article called 
"The Anatomy of PLAYBOY” that the 
magazine presented "the whole man 
reduced to his private parts.” 

Harvard theologian Harvey Cox at- 
tacked PLAYBOY for being “basically an- 
tisexual.” He declared that the maga- 
zine emphasized “recreational sex,” 
and claimed that girls are just another 
“PLAYBOY accessory.” 

But Hefner was espousing a new 
sexual ethic, one based on an accep- 
tance of the sexual nature of man. Sex 
was neither sacred nor profane, he 
said. He attempted to separate sex 
from its traditional associations with 
“sickness, sin and sensationalism.” 

He argued that society's sexual dia- 
logue had come to resemble George 
Orwell's Newspeak. Goodsex was chas- 
tity. Sexcrime was any form of sex out- 
side of marriage. Hefner argued that 
some sex outside marriage was moral, 
and that some sex inside marriage was 
clearly immoral. He railed against ear- 
ly marriage, decrying the church-state 
licensing of sex. 

More than by anything else, Hefner 
was frustrated by the h у of the 
past, by the lies and failures of an older 
generation that thought “sex is best 
hidden away somewhere, and the less 
said about it the better.” 

“The sexual activity that we pomp- 
ously preach about and protest against 
in public,” he wrote, “we enthusiasti- 
cally practice in private. We lie to one 
another about sex: we lie to our chil- 
dren about sex; and many of us un- 
doubtedly lie to ourselves about sex. 
But we cannot forever escape the reali- 
ty that a sexually hypocritical society 
is an unhealthy society that produces 
more than its share of perversion, neu- 


rosis, psychosis, unsuccessful marriage, 
divorce and suicide.” 

Sex, he wrote, “is often a profound 
emotional experience. No dearer, 
more intimate, more personal act is 
possible between two human beings. 
Sex is, at its best, an expression of love 
and adoration. But this is not to say 
that sex is or should be limited to love 
alone. Sex exists with and without 
love—and in both forms it does far 
more good than harm. The attempts at 
its suppression, however, are almost 
universally harmful.” 

Sex was sex. More often than not it 
was fun. What a concept 


THE NEW MORALITY 


The quest for a new sexual ethic ric- 
ocheted throughout the culture. A col- 
lege professor in North Carolina 
taught a course in philosophy that 
ranged from “Socrates to Hefner.” 
Presbyterian minister Gordon Clanton 
stated the challenge posed to the 
church: “The church of Jesus Christ 
stands at the threshold of total irrele- 
vance vis-à-vis one of man's most press- 
ing concerns—his sexuality and the re- 
ligious and societal demands associated 
with it. Although our people live in the 
age of Kinsey, Hefner and Enovid, the 
church and its spokesmen continue the 
futile attempt to extrapolate a full un- 
derstanding of sex from the thought of 
Moses, Augustine and Calvin.” 

Everyone tried to play catch-up. Fa- 
ther Richard McCormick, in an article 
on the new sexual morality in The Cath- 
olic World, wrote that the church's 
greatest challenge lay in “[rLaysov’s] 
ultimate formula for significance: Sex 
equals fun. Mr. Hefner is making a 
tremendous effort to be taken serious- 
ly, and it is a measure of our confusion 
that he is partially succeeding.” 

Time magazine claimed that the new 
sexual morality could be reduced to 
one sentence from Ernest Hemingway: 
“What is moral is what you feel good 
after, and what is immoral is what you 
feel bad after.” 

In an article called “The Second Sex- 
ual Revolution,” Time paraded the new 
crop of moral experts. State University 
of Iowa sociologist Ira Reiss described 
“permissiveness with affection.” Boiled 
down, his theory was: “(1) Morals are 
a private affair. (2) Being in love justi- 
fies premarital sex and, by implication, 
extramarital sex. (3) Nothing really 
is wrong as Jong as nobody else gets 
hurt.” 

Lester Kirkendall, author of Premari- 
tal Intercourse and Interpersonal Relation- 
ships, offered this: “The moral decision 
will be the one which works toward 
the creation of trust, confidence and 
integrity in relationships.” Teachers 

(continued on page 146) 


the woman 
who invented 
blonde ambition 


“It's nice to have pictures af yourself 
looking so cute,” Anne soys of her 
May 1967 Playmate photos (top and 
right) and the smoking cover she ap- 
peared on in November 1973 (above). 


today of her showbiz career, which included roles in commercials, movies and the TV shows Love, American Style and 
Hee Наш. Now retired in Arizona with her husband of 31 years, actor and singer Dick Stewart, Anne fills her days with ten- 
nis, photography and swimming. "My greatest accomplishment in life so far," she reveals, “has been learning how to weld 
furniture. No one believed I could do it. I'm so proud." She also hopes to live to be 100. We have a feeling she will. 118 


A S22VEAR-OLD Miss May 1967, California girl Anne Randall's goal was to be an actor. “Been there, done that,” Anne says 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY MARIO CASILLI 


"Hef taught me that having fun is the mast impartant thing in 
life,” says Anne (in a recent picture with Hugh Hefner and hus- 
band Dick Stewart). “Dick and | see our marriage as a date that 
never ends. We're passionate and romantic. We ga back to the 
Mansion as aften as possible. It's the center of our social life.” 


He Notebooks of Pon м 


INTHE SOLITUDE of his study, awake in the cold dawn, Don 
Rigoberto repeated from memory a phrase of Borges: 
“Adultery is usually made up of tenderness and abnega- 
tion.” The letter 10 his wife lay before him. 

Dear Lucrecia: 

Reading these lines will bring you the surprise of your life, 
and perhaps you will despise me. But it doesn’t matter. Even if 
there were only one chance that you would accept my offer 


against a million that you would reject it, I would take the 
plunge: 1 will summarize what would require hours of conversa- 


"tin; accompanied by vocal inflections and persuasive gestures. 


Thave decided that during the week between my departure 
from Boston and my arrival in Oxford, Mississippi to take up a 
new post, I will spend $100,000 on а vacation. If my plans ma- 
terialize, as I hope they do, this week will be something quite out 
of the ordinary. Not the conventional — (continued on page 120) 


= === he asked his wife to go on a 


o almost entirely selfish 


- pleasure trip to europe with another 
man. his reasons for doing so 


YASIR ARAFAT 


J ournalist Morgan Strong first went to 
speak with Yasir Arafat for a “Playboy 
Interview” in the September 1988 issue. He 
met with Arafat in Tunisia and then in 
Baghdad, after spending six months follow- 
ing the elustve leader of the Palestine Liber- 
ation Organization through various exotic 
ports of call. 

Arafat was always on the move then, with 
reason. He and his troops had been forced to 
abandon their base in Lebanon afier the Is- 
raeli invasion. 

Strong and Arafat eventually met in 
Arafat's Tunis headquarters in late 1987. 
He was perhaps the world’s most notorious 
outlaw at that time. 

Now Arafat is a Nobel Peace Prize laure- 
ate and has been a guest al the White 
House. The signing of the Peace Accords on 
the White House lawn in 1993 was a his- 
toric event. 

Strong reports: “Arafat's aides tell me that 
in some small measure PLAYBOY was respon- 
sible for the accords. They insist that the 
breakthrough ‘Playboy Interview’ with the 
‘Old Man,’ as he is referred to by his cohorts, 
caught the attention of the Reagan adminis- 
tration and led to the heginning of talks be- 
tween the PLO and the American govern- 
ment in Tunisia. 

“It caught Israel's attention as well. The 
entire interview was reprinted in ‘Ha'aretz,’ 
Israel's leading newspaper, and caused enor- 
mous—and positive—public reaction. 

“Arafat has endured and may finally tri- 
umph. After decades of terror and counter- 
terror, there appears to be a glimmer of hope, 
despite the fact that Israeli and Palestinian 
extremists have tried desperately to derail the 
peace process. 

“In many ways the current peace has be- 
come more trying than the years of war, and 
desperation is evident in Arafat's demeanor. 
Once a vigorous and tireless man, he now 

seems drained 


the leader of “ri елші. 
rafat faces 
delib is- 
the ploon rer, 
assassination ^ process and has 
an exasperating 
attempts, opponent in Ben- 
a jamin Netanya- 
keeping hu, as well as in 
Netanyahu's cab- 
peace and inet member Ariel 
H A Sharon, who tried 
life without to kill Arafat.” 


his daughter ке - 
HC] 


last time that 
we spoke at 
PHOTOGRAPHY BY JAMES M KELLY/ 1308 GLOBE PHOTOS INC. 


length was in Baghdad nearly a decade 
ago. Has a lot changed in the Middle 
East since then? 

ararar: No, not really, just that we're 
meeting in Jericho now. [Laughs] 


2 


PLAYBOY: But you've won a Nobel Prize 
and are closer to the realization of your 
dream of a Palestinian state. You once 
told us you would never see that come 
to pass. 

ARAFAT: I meant 1 personally might nev- 
er see it. 


Sh 


PLAYBOY: What do you mean? 

ARAFAT: You know they have tried to kill 
me. Thirteen times at least. Ariel Sha- 
ron tried to kill me. 


4 


ғілувот: Why would they want to as- 
sassinate you now? 

ARAFAT: To stop the peace process. 
That's why they killed my partner 
Yitzhak Rabin. 


5. 


PLAYBOY: But you sit at the same negoti- 
ating table now with Ariel Sharon. 
ARAFAT: Yes, but we are separated by a 
table. [Laughs] 1 don't talk to him. 1 
have never talked to him. 


6. 


PLAYBOY: Do you still have hope for the 
peace process? 

ARAFAT: Yes, I have hope. I think there 
will someday be a Palestinian state. But 
Netanyahu is destroying the peace 
process. I was not expecting an Israeli 
government that would destroy the 
peace process. And I am not the only 
one saying this. The Americans say it, 
the European Union says it, the Egyp- 
tians say it, the Jordanians say it. 


7. 


PLAYBOY: The Israeli government says 
that you are not living up to your end 
of the deal. 

ARAFAT: That's not true. I am not re- 
sponding to those charges. We are 
meeting our obligations, but the Is- 
raclis always demand more. Let them 
live up to their promises and to their 
obligations. 


8. 


PLAYBOY: Has Clinton been helpful in 
the process? Do you think he's sincere? 
ARAFAT: Yes. He has taken some big 


steps. He's trying. Netanyahu met with 
Clinton's opposition when we visited 
Washington. Can you imagine that? 


9. 


PLAYBOY: What are the consequences of 
failure? 

ARARAT: If we made peace, it would 
change the world. And the Israclis are 
already losing the chance. 


10. 


PLAYBOY: What, specifically, do you 
mean? 

ARAFAT: All the doors were opened for 
Israel when we signed the peace agree- 
ment. China, Indonesia, Russia, the 
former Communist countries—all 
those from which Israel had been 
barred—opened their doors. 


IL 


PLAYBOY: And now? 

ARAFAT: Ihe world is closing to Israel 
because Netanyahu opposes the peace 
process. 


12 


PLAYBOY: Arc you suggesting that you 
are doing more for Israel than it is do- 
ing for you? 

ARAFAT: No. I’m not doing it just for Is- 
rael. I'm doing it for the people of the 
Middle East. Including Israel. I want to 
make anew Middle East. 


13. 


PLAYBOY: What does Israel stand to gain 
from Netanyahu's obstinacy? Does he 
know the consequences? 

ararar: Nothing. Certainly he knows. 
The majority of the people of Israel 
Know that what he's doing is wrong. 
And the majority of the people of Israel 
understand this. 


14. 


PLAYBOY: On the positive side, you are 
now the president of the Palestinian 
National Authority and you have won 
the Nobel Prize. Years ago you were 
considered an outlaw. 

ararar: I was only thought of as an out- 
law by some. Most of the world did not 
regard me as an outlaw. 


15. 


PLAYBOY: So the world can change 
its mind? 

ARAFAT: Yes. Look ar Nelson Mandela 
of South Africa. He was imprisoned 
and called a (concluded on page 146) 


119 


PLAYBOY 


Den Rigoberto (continued from page 117) 


"I beg you to go,” he insisted, his lips on his wife's 
fingers. “Unless the idea displeases you.” 


Caribbean cruise nor beaches with palm 
trees and surfers in Hawaii. Something very 
personal, and unrepeatable: the realization 
of an old dream. This is where you come in, 
right through the front door. I know you are 
married to an honorable Limeño, an msur- 
ance executive. I am married too, а physi- 
cian from Boston, and 1 am happy to the 
modest extent that marriage allows. 1 am not 
proposing that you divorce and take up a 
new life, not at all. Only that you share with 
те this ideal week, cherished in my mind for 
so many years, which circumstances now 
permit me to turn into reality. You will not 
regret sharing these seven days of illusion 
with me, days you will remember fondly for 
the rest of your life. I promise. 

We will meet on Saturday the 17th at 
Kennedy Airport in New York, where you 
will arrive from Lima on Lufthansa, and I 
will fly in from Boston. A limousine will take 
us to a suite at the Plaza Hotel, which I have 
already reserved, along with the flowers 1 
have selected to perfume it. You will have 
time to rest, have your hair done, take a 
sauna or go shopping on Fifth Avenue, 
which is literally at your feet. That night we 
have tickets to the Metropolitan Opera to see 
Puccini's “Tosca,” with Luciano Pavarotti. 
We will dine at Le Cirque, where, with luck, 
you may rub elbows with Mick Jagger, Hen- 
ty Kissinger or Sharon Stone. We will end 
the evening at the glamorous and exciting 
Regine’s. 

The Concorde to Paris leaves at noon on 
Sunday, so there will be no need for us to rise 
too early. The flight takes less than three and 
a half hours, and after we have registered at 
the Ritz (a view of the Place Vendôme guar- 
anteed), there will be time for a stroll along 
the bridges over the Seine, to enjoy the mild 
evening of early autumn. 

The next morning we will visit the Louvre 
to pay our respects to “La Gioconda,” and 
have a light lunch at La Closerie des Lilas 
or La Coupole. In the afternoon we will dip 
into the avant-garde at the Centre Pompidou 
and make a quick visit to the Marais, fa- 
mous for its 18th century palaces. We will 
have tea at La Marquise de Sévigné before 
returning to the hotel for a refreshing show- 
er. Our program that night is completely 
frivolous: an aperitif at the Ritz, supper 
‘amid the modernist decor of Maxim's, and, 
to round off the festivities, a visit to that 
cathedral of striptease, the Crazy Horse Sa- 
loon, with its brand-new revue. 

The Orient Express to Venice leaves on 
Wednesday at noon, from the Gare de ГЕ. 
We will spend that day and night traveling 
and resting—according to those who have 
experienced this railway adventure, passing 


through the landscapes of France, Switzer- 
land, Austria and Italy in those belle еродие 
compartments is relaxing and instructive. 

Our suite at the Hotel Cipriani, on the is- 
land of Giudecca, has a view of the Grand 
Canal, the Piazza San Marco and the swell- 
ing Byzantine towers of its church. I have 
hired a gondola and the man considered by 
the agency to be the best-informed (and only 
good-natured) guide in the lacustrine city, 

On the seventh day, we will have to rise 
early. The plane to Paris leaves at ten, con- 
necting uith the Concorde to New York. As 
we fly over the Atlantic, we will sort through 
the images and sensations stored in our 
memories, selecting those that deserve to 
endure. 

We will say goodbye at Kennedy Airport 
(your flight to Lima and mine to Boston 
leave at almost the same time), no doubt nev- 
er lo sec each other again. Ido not think our 
paths will cross another time. 

Will you come? Your ticket is waiting for 
you in the offices of Lufthansa in Lima. You 
don't need to send me an answer. On Satur- 
day the 17th I will be at the appointed place. 
Your presence or absence will be your re- 
sponse. If you do not come, T will follow this 
itinerary alone, fantasizing that you are 
with me. 

Need I point out that this is an invitation 
to honor me with your company and does not 
imply any obligation other than your pres- 
ence? Lam in no way asking you, during the 
days of our travels together—I can think of 
no other euphemism for this—to share my 
bed. The suites reserved in New York, Paris 
and Venice have separate bedrooms with 
doors under lock and key, and if your seru- 
ples demand it, I can add daggers, hatchets, 
revolvers and even bodyguards. But you 
know none of that will be necessary, and for 
the entire week this virtuous Modesto, this 
genile Pluto, as they called me in the neigh- 
borhood, will be as respectful of you as 1 was 
years ago in Lima, when I tried to persuade 
you to marry me and barely had the cour- 
age to touch your hand in darkened movie 
theaters. 

Until we meet at Kennedy, or goodbye for- 
ever, Lucre, 

Modesto (Pluto) 

Don Rigoberto felt assailed by the 
high temperature and wemors of ter- 
tian fever. How would Lucrecia re- 
spond? Would she indignantly reject 
this letter from Lazarus? Or would she 
succumb to frivolous temptation? In 
the milky light of dawn, it seemed to 
him that his notebooks were waiting 
for the denouement as impatiently as 
was his tormented spirit. 


“My secretary called Lufthansa and, 
in fact, your paid passage is waiting 
there,” said Don Rigoberto. “Round- 
trip. First class. of course.” 

“Was I right to show you the letter, 
my love?” asked Doña Lucrecia in 
great alarm. "You're not angry, are 
you? We promised never to hide any- 
thing from each other, and 1 thought I 
ought to show it to you.” 

“You did just the right thing, my 
queen,” said Don Rigoberto, kissing his 
wife's hand. “I want you to go.” 

“You want me to go?” Dona Lucrecia 
smiled, looked somber, then smiled 
again. “Are you serious?” 

"I beg you to go,” he insisted, his 
lips on his wife’s fingers. “Unless the 
idea displeases you. But why should it? 
Even though the plan is that ofa rath- 
er vulgar nouveau riche, it has been 
worked out in a spirit of joy and with 
an irony not at all frequent in engi- 
neers. You will have a good time, my 
dear.” 

“Т don't know what to say, Rigober- 
to,” Doña Lucrecia stammered, mak- 
ing an effort not to blush. "It's very 
generous of you, but” 

“I'm asking you to accept for selfish 
reasons," her husband explained. "And 
you know that selfishness is a virtue in 
my philosophy. Your trip will be a great. 
experience tor me." 


And so she did take the trip, and on 
the cighth day she returned to Lima. 
At Córpac she was met by her husband. 
During the ride home Don Rigoberto, 
to help her conceal her discomfort, 
asked endless questions about the 
weather, going through customs, 
changes in schedule, jet lag and fa- 
tigue, avoiding anything approaching 
sensitive material. 

After supper, Don Rigoberto with- 
drew to the bathroom and took less 
time than usual with his ablutions. 
When he emerged, he found the bed- 
room in darkness, cut by indirect light- 
ing that illuminated only the two en- 
gravings by Utamaro depicting the 
incompatible but orthodox matings of 
the same couple, the man endowed 
with a long, corkscrew member, the 
woman with a lilliputian sex organ, the 
two of them surrounded by kimonos 
billowing like storm clouds, paper lan- 
terns, floor mats, low tables holding a 
porcelain tea service and, in the dis- 
tance, bridges spanning a sinuous riv- 
er. Dona Lucrecia lay beneath the 
sheets, not naked, he discovered when 
he slipped in beside her, but in a new 
nightgown—purchased and worn on 
her trip?—that allowed his hands the 

(continued on page 134) 


“This shot will give you. some idea of the golfing potential of 
the island of Looa-Looa.” 


121 


THEY'VE GOT 
THE WHOLE 
WORLD 
SEEING RED 


INCE IT DEBUTED in 1989, Baywatch has become the most-watched television 
show on earth, broadcast to 1 billion viewers each week in 141 countries 
and in 32 languages. In France it's dubbed Alerte à Malibu, and in China, 
Soul of the Sea. 115 shown in Yemen, Sri Lanka and the Amazon basin, 

where locals crank up gas generators to watch it on portable TVs. Click on the Bay- 

watch Web site (www.baywatchtv.com) and you'll see that Baywatch has inspired doth- 
ing merchandise, a line of women's footwear and a campus scarch for new talent. 

(“We are looking for people who embody a healthy mind and body with a love of the 

environment, a dedication to giving back to the community and the determination 

to succeed in all things.") In a section titled Baywatch (text concluded on page 144) 


Many af Boywatch's guest stars and regulars were discavered right out of the pages of PLAYBOY. 
Left to right: Traci Bingham, Danna D'Errico, Yasmine Bleeth, Gena Lee Nolin and Nancy 
Volen. After debuting in PLAYBOY as Miss February 1990, Pamela Andersan Lee (above) 
plunged into her Baywatch role as long-suffering Malibu lifeguard C.J. Parker. Ratings soared. 


123 


The original Baywatch cast (above) included Miss July 1989 
Erika Elenick. In her Playmate pictorial she spoke animat- 
edly of the pilot about lifeguards she had just finished top- 
ing. Opposite page: Julie McCullough, Miss February 1986, 
is one of many Playmates ta make o splash on Baywatch 
Playmate cf the Year 1994 Jenny McCarthy (left), whose 
ombition in 1993 was "to succeed in TV land,” got the ball 
rolling by hosting Playboy TV's Hot Rocks and guest-starring 
on Baywatch. Singer dancer Carmen Eloctra (below) fal 


lawed Jenny in co-hosting the MTV dating show Singled 
Out. She new saves lives on Baywatch as Lani McKensie. 


Rhondo Rydell (for left) ployed o ropper in the 
show's seventh seoson. Baywatch guest stor Toi 
Collins (left) wos crowned Miss Virginio-US.A. in 
1983 ond mode waves (ond o PLAYBOY pictorial) in 
1991 when she admitted to carrying on a love af- 
foir with Senotor Chorles Robb of Virginio. Above 
ore former Baywatch belles Pomelo Anderson 
Lee, Alexondra Poul and Yosmine Bleeth. Before 
she hit the beoch os lifeguord Neely Copshaw, 
Geno Lee Nolin (below) wos o showcose model 
on the doytime television classic The Price Is Right. 


Miss July 1995 Heidi Mark (left) appeared in four Baywatch episodes 
In ane, she played a woman who would go topless to distract victims 
while her boyfriend rabbed them. Above: Pamela Andersan Lee and 
Yasmine Bleeth. Miss March 1998 Marliece Andrada (below) guest- 
starred as а mermaid an Baywatch before becaming a regular cast 
member. “I dream all the time obaut being rescued,” Marliece says. 
September 1995 Playmate Donna D'Errico (right) plays Donna Marco. 


Kelly Monoco (left), Miss April 1997, was o 
lifeguord in reol life before she londed her 
regulor gig on Baywatch. "Being oiled up in 
the sun oll doy wos o sexy experience,” Kel- 
ly soys. Yosmine Bleeth (obove), otherwise 
known os lifeguard Coroline Holden, wos 
listed os one of People's 50 Most Beautiful 
People in 1995. Above right: Pomelo An- 
derson Lee, Yasmine Bleeth ond Alexondro 
Poul moke for powerful sizzle on the sond. 
Eriko Eleniok (right), Miss July 1989, hod 
her first on-screen smooch os Elliott's girl- 
friend in Steven Spielberg's E.T. The Extra- 
Terrestrial. Loter, Eriko ployed lifeguord 
Shouni McLoin on Baywatch, where she 
Perfected the fine ort of mouth-to-mouth. 


Z 


“My workdoy on Baywatch starts oround four in the morn- 
ing ond goes until sundown,” soys Troci Bingham, who con 
be seen in oction as lifeguord Jordon Tote and os the host 
of Playboy Home Video's Babes of Baywatch on tope ond 
CD-ROM. "When it's time to unwind, I light condles, pour o 
gloss of wine ond listen to clossicol music.” Before sporting 
the famous red swimsuit, Troci attended Horvord and op 
peored on such television shows os The Fresh Prince of Bel 
Air, The Cosby Show, Cheers and Morried With Children 
Her movie credits include The Nutty Professor and The Firm. 


зй? 


ўба. 


“= 


PLAYBOY 


134 


G q 
Woe Rigoberto (continued from page 120) 


“ГЇЇ tell you everything,” Doña Lucrecia mur- 
mured. “Isn't that why you sent me?” 


freedom to reach her most intimate 
corners. She turned onto her side, and 
he could slide his arm under her shoul- 
ders and feel her from head to foot. He 
did not crush her to him bnt kissed her, 
very tenderly, on the eyes and cheeks, 
taking his time to reach her mouth. 

“Don't tell me anything you don't 
want to,” he lied into her ear with a 
boyish coquetry that inflamed her im- 
patience as his lips traced the curve of 
her ear. “Whatever you have a mind to. 
Or nothing at all, if you prefer.” 

“I'll tell you everything,” Doña Lu- 
crecia murmured, searching for his 
mouth. "Isn't that why you sent me?” 

“That's one reason,” Don Rigober- 
to agreed, kissing her on her neck, her 
hair, her forchead, returning again 
and again to her nose, cheeks and chin. 
“Did you enjoy yourself? Did you have 
a good time?” 

“Whether it was good or bad will de- 
pend on what happens now between 
you and me,” said Dona Lucrecia hur- 
riedly, and Don Rigoberto felt his wife 
become tense for a moment. “Yes, I en- 
joyed myself. Yes, 1 had a good time. 
But I was afraid the whole ume.” 

“Afraid I would be angry?” Now Don 
Rigoberto was kissing her firm breasts, 
millimeter by millimeter, and the tip of 
his tongue played with her nipples, 
feeling them harden. “That I would 
make a scene and be jealous?” 

“That you would suffer,” Doña Lu- 
crecia murmured, embracing him. 

She's beginning to perspire, Don Ri- 
goberto observed to himself. He felt joy 
as he caressed her increasingly respon- 
sive body, and he had to bring his mind 
to bear to control the vertigo that was 
quickly overtaking him. He whispered 
into his wife’s ear that he loved her 
more, much more, than before she 
took her trip. 

Doña Lucrecia began to speak, paus- 
ing as she searched for the words—si- 
lences meant to conceal her awkward- 
ness—but little by little, aroused by his 
caresses and amorous interruptions, 
she gained confidence. At last, Don 
Rigoberto realized she had recovered 
her natural fluency and could tell her 
story by assuming a feigned distance 
from the account, clinging to his body, 
her head resting on his shoulder. The 
couple’s hands moved from time to 
time to take possession or verify the ex- 
istence of a member, a muscle or a 
piece of skin. 

“Seeing you arrive must have been 


like a gift from heaven for him.” 

“He turned so pale! I thought he was 
going to faint. He was waiting for me 
with a bouquet of flowers bigger than 
he was. The limousine was one of those 
silver-colored ones that gangsters have 
in movies. With a bar, a television, a ste- 
reo and—this will kill you—leopard- 
skin seat covers.” 

“Poor ecologists,” Don Rigoberto re- 
sponded with enthusiasm. 

“I know that it’s very parvenu,” 
Modesto had apologized while the 
chauffeur, an extremely tall Afghan in 
a maroon uniform, arranged their lug- 
gage in the trunk. “But it was the most 
expensive one.” 

“He's able to laugh at himself,” Don 
Rigoberto declared. “That's nice.” 

“On the ride to the Plaza he paid me 
a few compliments, blushing all the 
way to his ears,” Doña Lucrecia contin- 
ued. "He said I looked very young and 
even more beautiful than when he 
asked me to marry him.” 

“You are,” Don Rigoberto interrupt- 
ed, drinking in her breath. “More and 
more, every day, every hour.” 

“Not a single remark in bad taste, 
not a single offensive insinuation,” she 
said. "He was so grateful to me for join- 
ing him that he made me feel like the 
Good Samaritan in the Bible.” 

“Do you know what he was wonder- 
ing while he was being so gallant?" 

“What?” Dona Lucrecia slipped her 
leg between her husband's legs. 

"If he would see you naked that af- 
ternoon, in the Plaza, or if he would 
have to wait until that night, or even 
until Paris," Don Rigoberto explained. 

“He didn't see me naked that after- 
noon, nor that night. Unless he peeked 
through the keyhole while I was bath- 
ing and dressing for the Metropolitan 
Opera. What he had written about sep- 
arate rooms was true. Mine overlooked 
Central Park." 

"But he must have at least held your 
hand at the opera, in the restaurant," 
Don Rigoberto complained, feeling 
disappointed. “With the help of a lit- 
de champagne, he must have put his 
check to yours while you were dancing 
at Regine's. He must have kissed your 
neck, your ear." 

Not at all. He had not tried to take 
her hand nor kiss her during that long 
night, though he did not spare the 
compliments, always at a respectful dis- 
tance. He was very likable, in fact, 
mocking his own lack of experience 


(Tm mortified, Lucre, but in six years 
of marriage I've never cheated on my 
wife”), admitting to her that this was 
the first time in his life he had attended 
the opera or set foot in Le Cirque and 
Regine's. 

“To tell the truth, Гуе come out of 
vanity, Modesto. And curiosity too, of 
course. After ten years of our not see- 
ing each other, of our not being in 
touch at all, is it possible you're sull in 
love with me?” 

“Love isn't the right word,” he point- 
ed out. “I'm in love with Dorothy, the 
gringa I married, who's very under- 
standing and lets me sing in bed.” 

“For him you meant something 
more subtle,” Don Rigoberto declared. 
“Unreality, illusion, the woman of his 
memory and desires. I want to worship 
you the same way, the way he does. 
Wait, wait.” 

He removed her tiny nightgown and 
then positioned her so that their skins 
would touch in more places. He reined 
in his desire and asked her to continue. 

“We returned to the hotel just as I 
was beginning to yawn. He said good- 
night at a distance from my door. He 
wished me pleasant dreams. He be- 
haved so well, he was so much a gentle- 
man, that the next morning 1 flirted 
with him justa litle.” 

When she appeared for breakfast in 
the room that separated the two bed- 
rooms, she was barefoot and wearing 
a short summer wrap that left her 
legs and thighs exposed. Modesto was 
waiting for her, shaved, showered and 
dressed. His mouth fell open. 

“Did you sleep well?” he managed to 
articulate, slack-jawed, while pulling 
ош a chair for her at the breakfast table 
that held fruit juice, toast and mar- 
malade. “May I say that you look very 
attractive?” 

“Stop,” Don Rigoberto cut her off. 
“Let me kneel and kiss the legs that 
dazzled Pluto the dog.” 


On the way to the airport, and then 
as they ate lunch on the Air France 
Concorde, Modesto returned to the at- 
titude of attentive adoration he had 
displayed on the first day. He remind- 
ed Lucrecia, in an undramatic way, of 
his decision to leave the School of Engi- 
neering when he became convinced 
she would not marry him; told of going 
to Boston го seek his fortune, of his 
сапу difficulties in that city of cold win- 
ters and dark-red Victorian mansions. 
His heart had been broken, but he was 
not complaining. He had achieved the 
security he needed, he got along well 
with his wife, and now that a new phase 
of his life was about to begin he was 
making his fantasy, the grown-up game 
that had been his refuge all these years, 


“I knew we were lost, but you—you won't ask for directions!” 


135 


Pil AVETE OY 


come true: his ideal week with Lucre, 
when he would pretend to be rich in 
New York, Paris and Venice. Now he 
could die happy. 

“Are you really going to spend a quar- 
ter of your savings on this trip?" 

"I would spend everything," he af- 
firmed, looking into her eyes. "And not 
for the entire week. Just for having seen 
you at breakfast, just for seeing those 
legs, those arms, those shoulders. The 
most beautiful in the world, Lucre." 

"What would he bave said if he had 
seen your breasts and your sweet ass?" 
Don Rigoberto said, kissing her. "I love 
you. I adore you.” 

“This was when I decided that in Paris 
he would see the rest." Doña Lucre 
moved away slightly from her husband's 
kisses. "I made the decision when the pi- 
lot announced that we had broken the 
sound barrier." 

"It was the least you could have done 
for so proper a gentleman," Don Rigo- 
berto said, approvingly. 


As soon as they were settled in their 
respective bedrooms—the view from Lu- 
crecia’s windows included the dark col- 
umn on the Place Vendóme, so high she 
could not see the top, and the glittering 
display windows of the jewelry shops all 
around it—they went out for a stroll. 
Modesto had memorized the route and 
had calculated the time it would take. 
They passed through the Tuileries, 
crossed the Seine and walked toward St.- 
Germain along the quays on the Left 
Bank. They reached the abbey half an 
hour before the concert. It was a pale, 
mild afternoon—autumn had already 
turned the leaves on the chestnut trees— 
and from time to time the engineer 
would stop, guidebook and map in 
hand, to give Lucrecia a bit of historical, 
urbanistic, architectural or aesthetic in- 
formation. On the uncomfortable litde 
seats in a church filled to capacity for the 
concert, they had to sit very close togeth- 
er. Lucrecia enjoyed the lavish melan- 
choly of Mozart's Requiem. Later, when 
they were seated at a small table on the 
first floor of Lipp's, she congratulated 
Modesto: 

“I can't believe this is your first trip to 
Paris. You know streets, monuments, di- 
rections, as if you lived here.” 

"I've prepared for this trip as if it were 
the final exam for a degree, Lucre. I've 
consulted books, maps, travel agencies, 
and talked to travelers. I don't collect 
stamps, or raise dogs, or play golf. For 
years my only hobby has been preparing 
for this week.” 

“Was I always in it?” 

“Another step along the road of flirta- 
tion,” Don Rigoberto noted. 

“Always you and only you,” said Pluto, 
blushing. “New York. Paris, Venice, op- 
eras, restaurants, all the rest, were mere- 


136 ly the background. The important thing, 


the central thing, was to be alone with 
you in those settings.” 

They returned to the Ritz in a taxi- 
cab, tired and a little tipsy from the 
champagne, the Burgundy and the co- 
gnac with which they had anticipated, 
accompanied and bid farewell to the 
choucroute. When they said goodnight, 
standing in the small room that divided 
their bedrooms, Doña Lucrecia, without 
the slightest hesitation, announced to 
Modesto: 

“You're behaving so well that I want 
to play too. So I'm going to give you a 
present.” 

“Oh, really?” Pluto's voice broke. 
“What's that, Lucre 

“My entire body," she sang out. 
"Come in when I call you. But just to 
look." 

She did not hear Modesto's reply but 
was sure that in the darkened room, as 
he nodded, speechless, his joy knew no 
bounds. Not certain exactly what she 
would do, she undressed, hung up her 
clothes and, in the bathroom, unpinned 
her hair (*The way I like it, m 
“Exactly the same, Rigoberto. 
walked back into the room, turned out 
all the lights except the one on the night 
table, and moved the lamp so that its il- 
lumination, softened by a satin shade, 
fell on the sheets that the chambermaid 
had turned down for the night. She lay 
on herback, turned slightly to the side in 
a languid. uninhibited pose. and settled 
her head on the pillow. 

"Whenever you're ready." 

She closed her eyes so as not to see 
him come in, thought Don Rigoberto, 
moved by that touch of modesty. With 
absolute clarity he could see in the blue- 
tinged light, from the perspective of the 
hesitant, yearning engineer who had just 
crossed the threshold, the shapely body 
that, without reaching Rubenesque ex- 
cesses, emulated the virginal opulence of 
Murillo as she lay on her back, one knee 
slightly forward to hide the pubis, the 
other presented openly, the full curves 
of her hips stabilizing the volume of 
golden flesh in the center of the bed 
‘Though he had contemplated, studied, 
caressed and enjoyed that body so many 
times, through another man's eyes he 
seemed to see it for the first time. For a 
long while—his breathing agitated, his 
phallus stiff —he admired it. 

Reading his mind, not saying a word 
to break the silence, from time to time 
Lucrecia moved in slow motion with the 
abandon of one who thinks she is safe 
from indiscreet eyes, and displayed to 
the respectful Medesto, frozen two paces 
from the bed, her flanks and back, her 
buttocks and breasts, her hair-free un- 
derarms and the little forest of her pu- 
bis. At last she began to open her legs, 
revealing her inner thighs and the half- 
moon of her sex. “In the pose of the 
anonymous model of L'origine du monde, 
by Gustave Courbet, 1866." Don Rigo- 


berto sought and found the reference, 
overcome by emotion to discover that 
the exuberance of his wife's belly, the ro- 
bust solidity of her thighs and mound of 
Venus coincided millimeter by millime- 
ter with the headless woman in the oil 
painting that was the reigning prince 
of his private collection. Then, eternity 
dissolved: 

“Tm tired, and 1 think you are too, 
Pluto. It's time to sleep." 

“Goodnight,” was the immediate reply 
of a voice at the very peak of ecstasy or 
agony. Modesto stepped back, stumbled, 
and seconds later the door closed. 

“He was capable of restraining him- 
self; he did not throw himself at you 
like a ravening beast,” exclaimed an en- 
chanted Don Rigoberto. “You were con- 
trolling him with your little finger.” 

"It's hard to believe," Lucrecia said, 
laughing. “But that docility of his was al- 
so part of the game.” 


The next morning a bellboy brought a 
bouquet of roses to her bed, with a card 
that read: “Eyes that see, a heart that 
feels, a mind that remembers, and a car- 
toon dog that thanks you with all his 
heart.” 

“I want you too much,” Don Rigober- 
to apologized as he covered her mouth 
with his hand. “I must make love to 
you.” 

“Then imagine the night poor Pluto 
must have spent.” 

“Poor?” Don Rigoberto pondered af- 
ter lovemaking, as they, exhausted and 
satisfied, were recovering their strength. 
“Why poor?" 

“I'm the happiest man in the world, 
Lucre,” Modesto declared that night in 
the interval between two striptease 
shows at the Crazy Horse Saloon, which 
was packed with Japanese and Germans, 
and after they had consumed a bottle of 
champagne. “Not even the electric train 
that Father Christmas brought me 
on my tenth birthday can compare to 
your gift.” 

During the day, as they had walked 
through the Louvre, lunched at La Clo- 
serie des Lilas, visited the Centre Pompi- 
dou or lost their way in the narrow, 
reconstructed streets of the Marais, he 
had not made the slightest allusion to 
the previous night. He continued to act 
as her well-informed, devoted, obliging 
traveling companıon. 

“The more you tell me the better 1 like 
him,” remarked Don Rigoberto. 

“The same thing happened to me,” 
Doña Lucrecia acknowledged. “And so 
that day I went a step further, to reward 
him. At Maxim's he felt my knee against 
his during the entire meal. And when we 
danced, my breasts. And at the Crazy 
Horse, my legs.” 

“I envy him,” exclaimed Don Rigober- 
to. “To discover you serially, episodically, 
bit by bit. A game of cat and mouse, after 


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137 


PLAYBOY 


all. A game not without its dangers.” 
“No, not if it’s played with gentlemen 

like you,” Doña Lucrecia said coquettish- 

glad I accepted your invitation, 


They were back at the Ritz, drowsy 
and content. They were saying good- 
night in the sitting room of their suite. 

“Wait, Modesto,” she improvised, 
blinking. “Surprise, surprise, close your 
іше eyes." 

Pluto obeyed instantly, transformed by 
expectation. She approached, pressed 
against him, kissed him, lightly at first, 
noticing that he hesitated to respond to 
the lips brushing his, and then to the 
thrusts of her tongue. When he did, she 
sensed that with this kiss the engineer 
was giving her the love he had felt for so 
long, his adoration and fantasy, his well- 
being and (if he had one) his soul. When 
he caught her around the waist, cau- 
tiously, prepared to let go at the first sign 
of rejection, Doña Lucrecia allowed him 
to embrace her. 

“May I open my eyes?” 

“You may.” 

And then he looked at her, not with 
the cold eyes of the perfect libertine, De 
Sade, thought Don Rigoberto, but with 
the pure, fervent, impassioned eyes of 
the mystic at the moment of his ascent 
and vision. 

“Was he very excited?” The question 
escaped his lips, and he regretted it. 
“What a stupid question. Forgive me. 
Lucrecia.” 

“He was, but he made no attempt to 
hold me. At the first hint, he moved 
away.” 

“You should have gone to bed with 
him that night,” Don Rigoberto admon- 
ished her. “You were being abusive. Or, 
perhaps not. Perhaps you were doing 
just the right thing. Yes, yes, of course. 
The stow, the formal, the ritualized, the 
theatrical—that is eroticism. It was a wise 
delay. Rushing makes us more like ani- 
mals. Did you know that donkeys, mon- 
keys, pigs and rabbits ejaculate in 12 sec- 
onds, at the most?” 

“But the frog can copulate for 40 days 
and nights without stopping. I read it in 
a book by Jean Rostand.” 

"I'm envious.” Don Rigoberto was 
filled with admiration. “You are so wise, 
Lucrecia.” 

“Those were Modesto’s words,” his 
wife confessed to him, as she returned 
him to an Orient Express hurtling 
through the European night on its way 
to Venice, “the next day, in our belle 
epoque compartment.” 

‘And the words were reiterated by a 
bouquet of flowers waiting for her at the 
Hotel Cipriani, on sun-filled Giudecca: 


“To Lucrecia, beautiful in life and wise in 
love.” 

“Wait, wait,” Don Rigoberto brought 
her back to the rails. “Did you share the 
compartment on the train?” 

“It had two beds. I was in the upper 
berth and he was in the lower.” 

“In other words——" 

“We literally had to undress on top of 
each other,” she completed the sentence. 
“We saw each other in our underclothes, 
though it was dark because I turned out 
all the lights except the nightlight.” 

“Underclothing is a general, abstract 
term,” Don Rigoberto fumed. “Give me 
precise details.” 

Doña Lucrecia did. When it was time 
to undress—the anachronistic Orient 
Express was crossing an Austrian forest, 
passing an occasional village—Modes- 
to asked if she wanted him to leave. 
"There's no need. In this darkness we're 
no more than shadows," Dona Lucrecia 
replied. The engineer sat on the lower 
berth, taking up as little room as possible 
in order to give her more space. She 
undressed, not forcing her movements 
nor stylizing them, turning round where 
she stood as she removed cach article 
of clothing: dress, slip, bra, stockings, 
panties. The illumination from the night- 
light, a little mushroom-shaped lamp 
with lanceolate drawings, caressed her 
neck, shoulders, breasts, belly, buttocks, 
thighs, knees, feet. Raising her arms, she 
slipped a Chinese silk pajama top. deco- 
rated with dragons, over her head. 

"I'm going to sit with my legs uncov- 
ered while I brush my hair,” she said, 
and did so. “If you feel the urge to kiss 
them, you may. As far as my knees.” 

Was it the torment of Tantalus? Or the 
garden of earthly delights? Don Rigo- 
berto had moved to the foot of the bed, 
and, anticipating his wish, Doña Lucre- 
cia sat on the edge so that, like Pluto on 
the Orient Express, her husband could 
kiss her insteps, breathe in the fragrance 
of the creams and colognes that re- 
freshed her ankles, nibble at her toes 
and lick the hollows that separated 
them. 

“] love you and admire you.” said Don 
Rigoberto. 

“T love you and I admire you,” said 
Pluto. 

“And now, to sleep,” ordered Doña 
Lucrecia. 

They reached Venice on an impres- 
sionist morning, the sun strong and the 
sky a deep blue, and as the launch car- 
ried them to the Cipriani through curl- 
ing waves, Modesto, Michelin in hand, 
provided Lucrecia with brief descrip- 
tions of the palaces and churches along 
the Grand Canal. 


“Tm feeling jealous, my dear,” Don 
Rigoberto interrupted her. 

“If you're serious, we'll erase it, sweet- 
heart,” Doña Lucrecia proposed. 

“Absolutely not,” and he recanted. 
“Brave men die with their boots on, like 
John Wayne.” 

From the balcony of the Cipriani, over 
the trees in the garden, one could see 
the towers of San Marco and the pal- 
aces along the canal. They went out in 
the gondola-with-guide that was waiting 
for them. It was a whirl of canals and 
bridges, of greenish waters and flocks of 
gulls that took flight as they passed, of 
dim churches where they had to strain 
their eyes to make out the attributes of 
the gods and saints hanging there. They 
saw Titians and Veroneses, Bellinis and 
Del Piombos, the horses of San Marco 
and the mosaics in the cathedral, and 
they fed a few grains of corn to the fat pi- 
geons on the Piazza. At midday they took 
the obligatory photograph at a table at 
Florian's while they ate the requisite 
pizzetia. In the afternoon they continued 
their tour, hearing names, dates and 
anecdotes they barely listened то, lulled 
by the soothing voice of the guide from 
the agency. At 7:30, after they had 
bathed and changed, they drank their 
Bellinis in the salon with Moorish arches 
and Arabian pillows at the Danieli, and 
at precisely the right hour—at nine 
o'clock—they were seated in Harry's 
Bar. There they saw the divine Cather- 
ine Deneuve come in and sit at the next 
table (it seemed part of the program). 
Pluto said what he had to say: “I think 
you're more beautiful, Lucre.” 

“And?” Don Rigoberto pressed her. 

Before taking the vaporetto back to 
Giudecca, they went for a walk, with 
Dona Lucrecia holding Modesto's arm, 
through narrow, half-deserted streets. 
They reached the hotel after midnight. 
Doña Lucrecia was yawning. 

"And?" Don Rigoberto was impatient. 

“I'm so exhausted after our walk and 
all the nice things I've seen, I won't be 
able to close my eyes,” lamented Doña 
Lucrecia. "Fortunately, I have a remedy 
that never fails.” 

“What's that?" asked Modesto. 

“What sort of remedy?” echoed Don 
Rigoberto. 

“A Jacuzzi, alternating cool and warm 
water,” explained Doña Lucrecia, walk- 
ing toward her bedroom. Before she dis- 
appeared inside, she pointed toward the 
huge, luminous bathroom with its white 
tiled walls. “Would you fill the Jacuzzi 
for me while I put on my robe?” 

Don Rigoberto moved in his place, as 
restless as an insomniac. 

She went to her room and slowly 


IS CHICAGO. 311-387-0630. PP 82-01 MAKEUP BY МАМЕ JOSEE LAFONTAINE, STYLING By TON BROLCHER. DRESSES FROM SARS FIFTH AV 


138 enue: # (ie From “THE NOTEBOOKS OF DON RIGOBERTO © 1997 BY MARIO VARGAS LLOSA. ENGLISH TRANSLATION © 1998 BY EDITH GROSSMANN 


TOP OFF THE SWEET TIMES, 


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PEL ATE SE TOR, 


140 


undressed, folding each article of cloth- 
ing, one piece at a time, as if she had all 
of eternity at her disposal. Wearing a 
terrycloth robe and a towel as a turban, 
she came back. The round tub bubbled 
noisily with the pulsations of the Jacuzzi. 

“I put in bath salts,” Modesto said, 
then asked timidly: “Was that right?” 

“That's perfect,” she said, testing the 
water with the toes of one foot. 

She let the robe fall to her feet and, 
keeping on the towel that served as a 
turban, she stepped in and lay down in 
the Jacuzzi. She rested her head ona pil- 
low that the engineer hurriedly handed 
her. She sighed in gratitude. 

“Shall 1 do anything else?” Don Rigo- 
berto heard Modesto asking in a stran- 
gled voice. “Shall I go? Shall I stay?" 

“How delicious—this cool water mas- 
sage is so delicious.” Doña Lucrecia 
stretched her legs and arms with plea- 
sure. “Then ГЇЇ add warmer water. And 
then to bed, as good as new.” 

“You're roasting him over a slow fire,” 


Don Rigoberto said approvingly. 

“Stay if you like, Pluto,” she said at 
last, wearing the intense expression of 
one who derives infinite pleasure from 
the caress of water going back and forth 
across her body. “The tub is enormous, 
there's plenty of room. Why don't you 
bathe with me?” 

Don Rigoberto’s cars registered the 
strange hoot of an owl? howl of a wolf? 
trill of a bird? that greeted his wife's invi- 
tation. Seconds later, he saw the naked 
engineer sinking into the tub. His 50- 
year-old body, saved in the nick of time 
from obesity by his practice of aerobics 
and jogging that brought him to the 
threshold of a heart attack, lay only mil- 
limeters from his wife’s. 

“What else can I do?” Don Rigoberto 
heard Modesto ask, and he felt his admi- 
ration for him growing at the same rate 
as his jealousy. “I don't want to do any- 
thing you don't want. 1 will not take any 
initiative. At this moment I am the hap- 
piest and most unfortunate creature on 


"I'm wearing a push-up bra and crotchless panties.” 


earth, Lucre.” 

“You may touch me,” she murmured 
in the cadence of a bolero, not open- 
ing her eyes. “Caress me and kiss me, 
my body and my face. Not my hair, be- 
cause if it gets wet, tomorrow you'll be 
ashamed of my hair, Pluto. Don't you see 
that in your program you didn't leave a 
free moment for the hairdresser?” 

“] too am the happiest man in the 
world,” murmured Don Rigoberto. 
“And the most unfortunate.” 

Doña Lucrecia opened her eyes. 

“Don't be like that, so timid. We can't 
stay in the water long” 

Don Rigoberto squinted to see them 
better. He heard the monotonous bub- 
bling of the Jacuzzi and felt the tickle, 
the rush of water, the shower of drops 
spattering the tiles, and he saw Pluto, 
taking precaution to the extreme in or- 
der not to seem crude, as he eagerly ap- 
plied himself to the soft body that let him 
do, touch, caress, that moved to facilitate 
access for his hands and lips to every 
area but did not respond to his caress- 
es or kisses and remained in a state of 
passive delight. He could feel the fever 
burning the engineer's skin. 

"Aren't you going to kiss him, Lucre- 
cia? Aren't you going to embrace him, 
not even once?” 

“Not yet,” replied his wife. “I too had 
my program. I had planned it very care- 
fully. Don't you think he was happy?” 

“Гхе never been so happy.” said Mo- 
desto, his head, between Lucrecia's legs, 
rising from the bottom of the tub before 
submerging again. “I'd like to sing at the 
top of my lungs, Lucre.” 

“He's saying exactly what 1 feel,” Don 
Rigoberto interjected, then permitted 
himself a joke. "Wasn't he risking pneu- 
monia with all of that hydroerotic 
exertion?” 

He laughed and immediately regret- 
ted it, remembering that humor and 
pleasure repel each other like water and 
oil. “Please excuse the interruption,” he 
apologized. It was late. Dofia Lucrecia 
had begun to yawn in such a way that 
the diligent engineer, summoning all his 
fortitude, stopped what he was doing. 
On his knees, dripping water, his hair 
streaming down in bangs, he feigned 
resignation. 

"You're tired, Lucre." 

“Im feeling all the weariness of the 
day. I can't stay awake anymore.” 

She leaped lightly from the tub and 
wrapped herself in the robe. From the 
door of her room she said goodnight 
with words that made her husband's 
heart skip a beat: 

"Tomorrow is another day, Pluto." 

“The last one, Lucre." 

"And the last night, as well," she said 
with precision, blowing him a kiss 

. 


They began Saturday morning half an 
hour late, but they made up for it on 


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141 


PLAYBOY 


their visit to Murano, where, in hellish 
heat, artisans in T-shirts with prison 
stripes were blowing glass in the tradi- 
tional manner, turning out decorative 
and household objects. The engineer in- 
sisted that Lucrecia, who did not want to 
make further purchases, accept three 
little transparent anima! squirrel, a 
stork and a hippopotamus. On the way 
back to Venice the guide enlightened 
them about two villas by Palladio. 

Instead of lunch, they had tea and 
cakes at the Quadri, enjoying a blood- 
red twilight that set roofs, bridges, water 
and bell towers on fire, and they reached 
San Giorgio for the concert of baroque 
music with enough time to stroll around 
the little island and view the lagoon and 
the city from different perspectives. 

“The last day is always sad,” Doña Lu- 
crecia remarked. “Tomorrow this will 
end forever." 

“Were you holding hands?” Don Rigo- 
berto wanted to know. 

"We were, and during the entire con- 
cert as well," his wife confessed. 

“Did the engineer weep great tears?" 

“He was extremely pale. He squeezed 
my hand and his swect cyes glistened.” 

In gratitude and hope, thought Don 
Rigoberto. The “sweet eyes” reverberat- 
ed along his nerve endings. He decided 
that from this moment on he would be 
silent. While Doña Lucrecia and Pluto 
ate supper at Danieli's, contemplating 
the lights of Venice. he respected their 
melancholy, did not interrupt their con- 
ventional conversation and suffered sto- 
ically when he realized, in the course of 
the meal, that Modesto was not alone in 
his lavish attentions. Lucrecia presented 
him with toast that she had buttered, 
with her own fork she offered him 
mouthfuls of her rigatoni, and she will- 
ingly offered her hand when he raised it 
to his mouth to rest his lips on it, once on 
the palm, once on the back, once on the 
fingers and each one of her nails. With 
a fearful heart and an incipient erec- 
tion, he waited for what was bound 
to happen. 

And in fact, as soon as they entered 
the suite at the Cipriani, Dona Lucrecia 
grasped Modesto's arm, put it around 
her waist, brought her lips up to his and, 
mouth to mouth, tongue to tongue, she 
murmured: 

“To say goodbye, we'll spend the night 
together. With you I will be as compliant, 
as tender, as loving as I've been only with 
my husband.” 

“You said that?" Don Rigoberto swal- 
lowed strychnine and honey. 

“Did [ do wrong?” his wife asked in 
alarm. “Should I have lied to him?” 

“You did the right thing,” Don Rigo- 
berto howled. “My love.” 

In an ambiguous state in which 
arousal clashed with jealousy and each 
fed on the other retrospectively, he 
watched them undress, admired the self- 


142 confidence displayed by his wife, en- 


joyed the clumsiness of that fortunate 
mortal overwhelmed by a joy that com- 
pensated, on this last night, for his timid- 
ity and obedience. She would be his and 
he would love her: His hands fumbled at 
the buttons of his shirt, caught the zip- 
per on his trousers, stumbled when he 
took off his shoes, and when, wild-eyed, 
he was about to climb into the bed where 
that magnificent body lay waiting for 
him in the dark, in a languid pose— 
Goya’s Naked Maja, Don Rigoberto 
thought, though her thighs were wider 
apart—he banged his ankle on the edge 
of the bed and squealed “Owwowoww!” 
Don Rigoberto enjoyed listening to the 
hilarity that the mishap provoked in Lu- 
crecia. Modesto laughed too as he 
kneeled in the bed: “Emotion, Lucre, 
pure emotion.” 

The burning coals of his pleasure 
cooled when, stifling her laughter, he 
saw his wife abandon the statuelike in- 
difference with which she had received 
the caresses of the engineer on the pre- 
vious day and begin to take the initiative. 
She embraced him, she obliged him to 
lic beside her, on top of her, beneath 
her, she entwined her legs in his, she 
searched for his mouth, she thrust her 
tongue deep inside, and —“Uh-oh,” Don 
Rigoberto protested—she crouched 
down with amorous intent, fished with 
gentle fingers for his starded member 
and, after stroking the shaft and head. 
brought it to her lips and kissed it before 
taking it into her mouth. Then, at the 
top of his voice, bouncing in the soft bed, 
the engineer began to sing—to bellow 
and howl—Torna a Sorrento. 

“He began to sing Torna a Sorrento?” 
Don Rigoberto sat up violently. “At that 
very moment?” 

“At exactly that moment.” Dona Lu- 
crecia burst into laughter again, then 
controlled herself and apologized. “You 
astonish me, Pluto. Are you singing be- 
cause you like it or because you don't 
like it?” 

“I'm singing so I will like it,” he ex- 
plained, tremulous and bright red, be- 
tween false notes and arpeggios. 

“Do you want me to stop?” 

“1 want you to continue, Lucre," a eu- 
phoric Modesto implored. "Laugh, I 
don't care. I sing to make my happiness 
complete. Cover your ears if it distracts 
you or makes you laugh. But by all you 
hold most dear, don't stop." 

"And he went on singing?" Don Rigo- 
berto exclaimed, intoxicated, mad with 
satisfaction. 

“Without stopping for a second," Do- 
ña Lucrecia affirmed between giggles. 
"While I was kissing him, when I was on 
top, when he was on top, while we made 
love both orthodox and heterodox. He 
sang, he had to sing. Because if he didn't 
sing, fiasco.” 

“And always Torna a Sorrento?” Don 
Rigoberto delighted in the sweet plea- 
sure of revenge. 


“Any song of my youth,” the engineer 
sang, leaping with all the power of his 
lungs from Italy to Mexico. “Voy a cantar- 
les un corrido muy mentadooo. . . ." 

“A potpourri of cheap music from the 
Fifties.” Doña Lucrecia was very specif- 
ic. “O sole mio, Caminito, Juan Charrasquea- 
do, Allá en el rancho grande, and even 
Augustín Lara's Madrid. Oh, it was so 
funny!” 

“And without all that musical vulgari- 
ty, fiasco?” Don Rigoberto asked for con- 
firmation, a visitor to seventh heaven. 
"Its the best part of the night, my love.” 

“You haven't heard the best part yet, 
the best part came at the end. It was 
the height of absurdity.” Doña Lucrecia 
wiped away her tears. "The other guests 
began to bang on the walls, the front 
desk called saying we should turn down 
the TV, the phonograph. Nobody in the 
hotel could sleep.” 

“In other words, neither of you ever 
finished——” Don Rigoberto suggested 
with faint hope. 

“I did, twice,” said Doña Lucrecia, 
bringing him back to reality. “And he, at 
least once, I'm sure of that. When he was 
all set for the second one, that's when the 
complaints started and he lost his inspi- 
ration. Everything ended in laughter. 
What a night. Worthy of Ripley's.” 

“Now you know my secret,” said Mo- 
desto, once their neighbors and the 
front desk had been placated, and their 
laughter had subsided, and their impuls- 
es had quieted, and they were wrapped 
in the white Cipriani bathrobes and had 
begun to talk. “Do you mind if we don’t 
speak of it? As you can imagine, it em- 
barrasses me. . . . Well, let me tell you 
one more time that ГЇЇ never forget our 
week together, Lucre.” 

“Neither will I, Pluto. ГЇЇ always re- 
member it. And not only for the concert, 
I swear.” 

They slept the sleep of the just, know- 
ing they had fulfilled their obligations, 
and they were on the dock in good time 
to catch the vaporetto to the airport. Ali- 
talia was meticulous as well, and the 
plane left with no delays, allowing them 
to connect with the Concorde from Paris 
to New York, where they said goodbye, 
knowing they would never see each oth- 
er again. 

“Tell me that it was a horrible week, 
that you hated it,” Don Rigoberto sud- 
denly moaned, grasping his wife around 
her waist and pulling her down onto 
him. "Didn't you, Lucrecia, didn't you?” 

"Why don't you try singing something 
at the top of your lungs," she suggested 
in the velvety voice of their finest noctur- 
nal encounters. "Something really vul- 
gar, darling. La flor de la canela, Fumando 
espero, Brasil, terra de meu coracáo. Let's 
see what happens, Rigoberto." 

—Translated by Edith Grossman 


ux 


In a world of fleeting diversions, 
there's always Bass Ale. 


PLAYBOY 


144 


Baywatch Babes nid fom pag 123 


Soon millions of viewers were glued to their TV sets 
each Friday night, watching Erika run down the beach. 


Fun Facts, you'll learn that the stars of 
Baywatch go through a boatload of sup- 
plies each year, including 306 pounds 
of body makeup, a 50-gallon drum of 
sunscreen, 1500 cases of bottled water, 
900 sets of earplugs and nose plugs, 
575 swimsuits, 39 pairs of goggles and 
129 surfboards. It has taken more than 
trademark montage sequences, dramatic 
rescue scenes and David Hasselhoff to 
bring Baywatch to its current status. With 
those kinds of statistics, who cares about 
the plot?—which helps explain episodes 
that feature huge electric ecls, a drug 
smuggler's ring, women giving birth on 
the beach, troubled boyfriends who hold 
their lifeguard girlfriends captive on 
boats and plenty of life-threatening un- 
derwater explosions. It’s no news bul- 
letin that Baywaich is popular because of 
its babes. The CPR-doin’, lifesavin’, 
spandex-wearin’, perfect genes-havin’ 
gals have assured the red swimsuit a 
place in history. The show is also success- 
ful because of the women who have shed 


CHUCK BOWMAN 


. DAREDEVIL. 
STUNTMAN. SNAKE CHARMER, 


those suits for PLAYBOY 

The mavnoy-Bayuaich connection be- 
gan with the show's first episode. When 
we introduced Erika Eleniak as Miss Ju- 
ly 1989, she had finished taping a two- 
hour NBC pilot about Malibu lifeguards 
in which she starred as Shauni McLain. 
Who knew that the far-fetched show 
would become a hit? (“It's just another 
job,” Erika said then.) Yeah, just another 
Job filled with half-naked hard bodies in 
compromising positions. The world was 
willing to suspend disbelief. Soon mil- 
lions of viewers were glued to their tele- 
vision sets each Friday night, watching 
Erika give mouth-to-mouth and run 
down the beach. Forget the sun, sand 
and surf. We couldn't get enough of Bay- 
breasts. buttocks and slow-mo- 


tion jiggling. 

As ratings rose an inevitable decon- 
struction set in. Rolling Stone dubbed the 
show “Babe Watch.” Howard Stern reg- 
ularly goofed on the actresses. (“Look at 
our bathing suits. We could have gotten 


really radical, but those are regulation 
suits,” Erika countered.) But the easy 
target chugged on, gaining viewers in 
some high-powered living rooms. Paul 
and Linda McCartney said, “We watch 
Baywatch on the telly all the time.” 
Princess Diana once stated, “Baywatch is 
our family’s favorite television show.” 
And President Clinton asked Hasselhoff, 
“Did you ever expect Baywatch to be so 
successful?” 

When Erika decided to leave Baywatch 
to pursue a film career, the producers 
scrambled to replace her. What they 
found was that it takes a Playmate to re- 
place a Playmate. The new recruit was 
Miss February 1990, a Canadian model 
and former volleyball star named Pam- 
ela Anderson. As lifeguard C.J. Parker, 
Pam stretched the spandex like no other. 
“I think Baywatch gives people a great es- 
cape, no matter where in the world they 
live," she said. With rraveov and Bay- 
watch as her launching pads, Pamela be- 
came the hottest name on the planet. 

Baywatch continued to enlist its talent 
from the pages of pLaveoy. Playmates 
Julie McCullough (Miss February 1986), 
Jenny McCarthy (Miss October 1993), 
Heidi Mark (Miss July 1995) and Kelly 
Monaco (Miss April 1997) jumped on 
the sandwagon, all guest-starring on 
Baywatch. Playmate Donna D'Errico 
(Miss September 1995) had guest roles 
in both Baywatch and its short-lived 
spin-off, Baywatch Nights, before con- 
centrating on her television day job as 
lifeguard Donna Marco. The show's 
newest Playmate recruit, Marliece An- 
drada, found out she was chosen to be a 
Centerfold and cast for Baywatch in the 
same week. 

Who else has heated up both page and 
screen? There's Yasmine Bleeth (former 
Baywatch lifeguard Caroline Holden) 
and Gena Lee Nolin (lifeguard Neely 
Capshaw). And don't forget the rest of 
the women who qualify for the PLAY BOY— 
Baywatch double, including Carmen 
Electra (who co-hosted MTV's Singled 
Out), Tai Collins (who made a real-life 
splash in 1991 when she admitted to 
having had a love affair with Senator 
Charles Robb), Rhonda Rydell (who 
played a rapper on Baywatch) and beach 
beauty Nancy Valen (Captain Samantha 
Thomas during Baywatch's 1996-1997 
season). (Both Rydell and Valen appear 
on our pages for the first time.) And 
then there's Traci Bingham, the knock- 
out who plays lifeguard Jordan Tate. 

And so it remains a Baywatch world, 
and for good reason. In a land where the 
water's always blue, where the sun al- 
ways shines and where the girls are al- 
ways tan, healthy and happy. we'll con- 
tinue to tune in every week. 

This unique breed of bathing beauties 
is what makes the world's most-watched 
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146 


YASIR ARAFAT 


(continued from page 119) 
terrorist. Now he is the president of the 
white and the black South Africans. So 
things can change and the world will rec- 
ognize that. They recognize that I am 
president and am no longer considered 
an outlaw by any nation. 


16. 


PLAYEOY: You've also married and had a 
daughter. How has that changed you? 
ARAFAT: Well, it is my duty to give my 
daughter more of my time. 


Lis 


PLAYBOY: You don't see her often? 
ARAFAT: No. Her mother raises her. But it 
is very difficult for me. 1 miss being with 
her. I rarely see her. 


18. 


PLAYBOY: You've been devoted to your 
cause for a long time. Have you ever 
thought of stopping or taking a rest? 


ARAFAT: No. When there is a Palestinian 
state 1 will rest. Then I might go away. 
But it is my destiny to continue until 
then. It is my life. 


19. 


PLAYBOY: Is there a message you would 
like to deliver to the American people? 
ARAFAT: | want to tell them that peace 
15 not just for Palestinians but for every 
nation. 


20. 


илүвоу: Do you believe the Americans 
will help you realize your dream? 
ARAFAT: You remember Beirut. The Amer- 
icans, the French and the Italians made 
an agreement with me that if I left with 
my fighters they would protect the 
refugee camps at Sabra and Shatila. 
They did not keep that agreement and 
thousands were murdered, We must 
always remember that. 


‘As I understand it, everyone feels the groom is 
making а very big mistake. . . ." 


MARE LOLE HEF HAR 


(continued from page 112) 
would ask one simple question of stu- 
dents who came to them for counseling: 
“Will sexual intercourse strengthen or 
weaken their relationship?” Better that 
men and women explore the possibili- 
tics, discover who they were and what 
they wanted, before choosing a lifetime 
partner, Hefner expanded the universe 
of premarital sex to include experimen- 
tation that would not necessarily lead to 
marriage. 

In place of marriage, the Sixties gave 
us the meaningful relationship. Critics of 
Hefner identified him as a prophet of 
hedonism, and incorrectly reduced The 
Playboy Philosophy to: “If it feels good, do 
it.” (That phrase never appeared in the 
Philosophy, but it echoed through the 
culture.) 

Psychologist Abraham Maslow elevat- 
ed hedonism to an existential tenet in 
Toward a Psychology of Being. Pleasure, he 
wrote, was a path to growth. We should 
be like children, spontancously living 
for the moment. Livin preparing 
to live. “Growth,” he 
when the next step forward 
ly more delightful, more joyous, more 
intrinsically satisfying than the last; the 
only way we can ever know what is right 
for us is that it feels better subjectively 
than any alternative. The new experi- 
ence validates itself rather than by any 
outside criterion.” 

‘Joy, a word long missing from Ameri- 
can discourse, reentered our vocabulary. 
“The joy consideration, I think, is really 
at the heart of the thing,” Hefner told 
members of a 1963 panel discussion on 
the sexual revolution in America, hosted 
by David Susskind. "It is the joy and the 
understanding and the truth and the 
pleasure of sex that are the good parts.” 

The revolution nailed the new mo 
ty to the doors of the church. In Chris- 
tianity and Crisis, Harvey Cox continued 
to discuss the problems raised by 
PLAYBOY (noting that “Hefner's weari- 
some attack on the religious repression 
of sex has reached its 16th turgid install- 
ment”). Robert Fitch, dean of the Pacific 
School of Religion, tried to devise “A 
Common Sense Sex Code" for the read- 
ers of The Christian Century. 
control sex, or sex controls you," 
wrote. "Needed right now are bigger 
and beuer inhibitions. Surely there is 
something ludicrous in the notion that 
while liquor, cigarettes and ice cream 
must be put under the most strict and 
rational controls, sex, on the contrary, is 
something to which you may help your- 
self when, as and if you please." 
+ Joseph Fletcher, a theologian, lament- 
ed the loss of the old punishments, the 
repressive trinity of “conception, infec- 
tion and detection.” 

In early 1965 more than 900 clergy- 
men and students attended a convoca- 


tion at Harvard Divinity School to dis- 
cuss the New Morality. Delegates heard 
Paul Ramsey of Princeton declare, “ 
of cans and cannots are meaningless. 
Yale chaplain William Sloane Coffin 
argued for “guideposts” not “hitching 
posts.” 

How had we become so hung up on 
sexual morality, asked others, when the 
true obscenities were unfolding in Asia 
and in rioting U.S. ghettos? 

‘The debate on the New Morality was 
mostly men talking among themselves. 
If males were using a new vocabulary, we 
would have to change the way we labeled 
women. Madonna. Whore. Virgin. Wife. 
What did these terms mean anymore? 
We could change our moral rationale, 
but what would the women say? 

The 1963 Susskind panel discussion 
with Hefner and others was deemed too 
controversial to air. The transcript 
recorded psychologist Albert Ellis’ re 
mark about the younger generation: 
“They are behaving, while we are still 
thinking about behaving.” 


THE FEMININE MYSTIQUE 


What was the status of women in 
America? Hefner had responded to the 
charge that sexual liberation demeaned 
women by saying that women were the 
major victims of our traditional taboos 
Our Judeo-Christian heritage supports 
the double standard that makes women 
second class citizens. Ira Reiss, he noted, 
believed that: “The Christians of the Ro- 
man era opposed from the beginning 
the new changes in the family and in fe- 
male status. They fought the emancipa- 
tion of women. They demanded a re- 
turn to the older and stricter ideas and, 
beyond this, they instituted a very low 
regard for sexual relations and for mar- 
riage. Ultimately, these carly Christians 
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of American women,” she wrote. “It 
was a strange stirring, a sense of dis- 
satisfaction, a yearning. Each subur- 
ban wife struggled with it alone. As she 
made the beds, shopped for groceries, 
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147 


PLOACYOERLOSY 


chauffeured Cub Scouts and Brownies, 
lay beside her husband at night, she was 
afraid to ask even of herself the silent 
question: Is this all?" 

Friedan called this malaise "the prob- 
lem that has no name." 

Three million women bought The Fem- 
inine Mystique. Out of their dissatisfaction 
emerged a new feminist movement. The 
goals of this movement were not unlike 
those expressed by Hefner when he 
launched рглүвоү. What Friedan called 
the feminine mystique, he called the 
womanization of America. He too had 
seen the trap of suburbia. And now, it 
seemed, women wanted to be more like 
men—single men. 

Friedan claimed that the pressure 
cooker of suburbia turned women into 
insatiable sex seekers. One housewife 
had told her that "sex was the only thing 
that made her ‘feel alive.” Denied status 
in the public sphere, these women would 
turn to sex, demanding more from their 
husbands or ricocheting into affairs. But 
sex didn't remedy their lack of fulfill- 
ment in the outside world. 

Friedan was not antisexual—she re- 
called fondly her ycars as a single wom- 
an during World War Two, when every 
girl kept a diaphragm under her girdle 
and had affairs with married men at 
work. But when sex was the last frontier 
(as David Riesman called it) or the last 
green thing (as Gerald Sykes described 
it), it became stripped of its power to re- 
Juvenate. For sex to thrive, it had to oc- 
cur among equals. Friedan wondered if 
her housewives, in need of the “feeling 
of personal identity, of fulfillment, seek 
in sex something that sex alone can- 
not give." 


SEX AND THE SINGLE GIRL 


Helen Gurley Brown, author of Sex 
and the Single Girl, tackled the same ques- 
tion as Friedan did but came up with a 
different answer. When Brown looked at 
marriage and asked, "Is that all there 
is?" her answer was, “Yes. So put it off for 
as long as you can 

Brown made her great confession: 
“Theoretically, a nice single woman has 
no sex life. What nonsense! She has a 
better sex life than most of her married 
friends." 

The reasons were simple. “Why else is 
a single woman attractive? She has more 
time and often more money to spend on 
herself. She has the extra 20 minutes to 
exercise every day, an hour to make up 
her face. Besides making herself phys- 
ically more inviting, she has the free- 
dom to furnish her mind. She can read 
Proust, learn Spanish, study Time, News- 
week and The Wall Street Journal.” 

More important, wrote Brown, “a sin- 
gle woman moves in the world of men. 
She knows their language—the lan- 
guage of retailing, advertising, motion 
pictures, exporting, shipbuilding. Her 


148 world is far more colorful than the world 


of the PTA, Dr. Spock and the jammed 
clothes drier.” 

Brown was the female version of 
Hefner (even though PLAYBOY was not as 
inclined to sprinkle its philosophy with 
words like pippy-poo and mousebur- 
ger). She, too, was living proof of her 
own idea. She wrote her book having 
made the good catch, a husband who en- 
couraged her work. “He wouldn't have 
looked at me when I was 20. And I 
wouldn't have known what to do with 
him.” 

The book devoured the best-seller 
lists, was soon translated into ten lan- 
guages and was turned into a movie. net- 
ting $200,000 for the film rights. 

Just as Hefner made it safe to be a 
bachelor, Brown made being “the girl” 
into a great adventure. She wrote a fol- 
low-up called Sex and the Office, declaring 
that it was completely honorable to se- 
duce and even to marry the boss 

Hearst Corp. hired her to take over 
Cosmopolitan іп 1965 and turn it into the 
female counterpart to PLAYEOY. 

Betty Friedan founded the National 
Organization for Women. Helen Gurley 
Brown gave us the singles bar. One thing 
made women's transitions into the world 
of work and the world of play possible: 
the Pill. 


THE PILL 


"The numbers tell the story. Within a 
year and a half of Enovid's approval by 
the FDA, some 408,000 women were 
taking the drug. By 1964 the figure was 
2.5 million for Enovid, another million 
for a similar product by Ortho. By 1966 
more than half of married women under 
the age of 20 were on the Pill. Among 
non-Catholic college graduates under 
the age of 25, the figure was 81 percent. 
Even more remarkable, Catholic women 
embraced the Pill: One out of five wives 
under the age of 45 used it. (See sidebar 
on page 168.) 

Women took the Pill to postpone their 
first pregnancies, to avoid falling into 
the family trap described by Friedan in 
The Feminine Mystique. Their parents may 
have had the perfect family—four chil- 
dren one after another—but that model 
shackled a woman to one role. Wives of 
the Sixties used the Pill to space the 
births of their children, to create time to 
complete degrees or advance careers. 
The Pill granted the means to achieve 
the original feminist vision. 

Single women used the Pill to post- 
pone their first marriages. By 1969 it 
was estimated that more than half of 
unmarried college coeds were on oral 
contraceptives. 

The Pill is credited with sparking the 
sexual revolution. By separating sex 
from procreation, women were finally 
free to pursue pleasure without risk 
And pursue they did. One study con- 
ducted during the mid-Sixties showed 
that married women on the Pill had sex 


39 percent more frequently than mar- 
ried women using other, less effective 
forms of contraception. But the same 
study showed that coitus increased for 
everyone over the decade. Between 
1965 and 1970, the average frequency of 
coitus went from 6.8 times per month to 
8.2 times. People on the Pill mated an 
average of ten times per month—a fre- 
quency matched only by those couples 
who were trying to get pregnant. Sex for 
recreation and sex for procreation were 
ina dead heat. 

Loretta McLaughlin, author of The 
Pill, John Rock and the Church, lists the 
challenges posed by the new technology: 
“Far more than just unpopular, the idea 
ofa birth control pill was still widely re- 
garded as socially immoral and medi- 
cally questionable. A birth control pill 
would be the first medicine in history 
given to well people solely for a social 
purpose. 

“Sex would be set free, not only for 
the married, but for any woman, any- 
where, any time, with anyone. Not only 
would the risk of pregnancy be eliminat- 
ed, but, astonishingly, only the woman 
concemed would know. The whole con- 
trol of her sexuality as well as her fertili- 
ty would be placed in her hands. There 
would be no telltale act of preparedness 
associated with sex relations. Even more 
momentous, there would be no conse- 
quence as there was before, no after- 
math of an unwanted pregnancy or an 
abortion. It amounted to handing over 
to women, for the first time in history, 
not only total governance over their sex- 
ual behavior, but total privacy—some 
would say secrecy, Women’s sexual pre- 
Togatives would equal men’s.” 

In the pages of The New York Times 
Magazine Andrew Hacker described the 
changing etiqueue of sex: “For a long 
time there has been a certain ritual, not 
without moral overtones, connected 
with birth control as practiced by un- 
married people. The young man is 'pre- 
pared' on a date, the girl is not. If there 
is a seduction, he takes the initiative; she 
is surprised. If she succumbs, he deals 
with the prevention of conception— 
which is proper because she had no ad- 
vance warning as to how the evening 
would turn out. Vital to this ritual is the 
supposition that the girl sets off on the 
date believing that it will be platonic. Ifit 
ends up otherwise, she cannot be ac- 
cused of having planned ahead for the 
sexual culmination. But now, for a girl to 
be on the Pill wipes out entirely the ritu- 
al of feminine unpreparedness.” 

Mademoiselle responded to Hacker, 
noting that while the Pill made it difficult 
for women to be demure, “surely, nowa- 
days, it is both aesthetically and psycho- 
logically preferable for a girl who en- 
gages in sex to do so wholeheartedly, 
joyously, responsibly and responsively— 
rather than as an innocent victim.” 

The word no was banned (perhaps 


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150 


exiled is a better word). Suddenly sex 
was no longer the carrot, the reward for 
a proposal of marriage. The technical 
virgin—that elaborately entangled novi- 
tiate who had been able to achieve or- 
gasm with tongue or fingers, in cramped 
quarters—was an endangered species. 
‘A young man growing up in the Six- 
ties tells about the pre-Pill dangers of dry 
humping: “I spent an afternoon at my 
girlfriend's house, rubbing against her. 1 
must have come four times. When I left, 
my underwear was soaking wet. I walked 
out into a 20-degree winter day and sud- 
denly, my underwear froze. My penis felt 
like a tongue stuck to an ice cube tray. I 
was in public, so 1 couldn't touch my 


crotch to warm up. I waited for a bus, 
worried that 1 would never get to use it 
again.” 

He survived to grow into a world 
where sex was not a struggle, where sex 
became a way to say hello, a way to find 
out if you liked a person. 

A woman was no longer fettered to 
her purse nor by proximity to a di- 
aphragm. No more barefoot dashes 
across cold wood floors to interrupt sex 
for safety. In an odd way, the Pill was 
less premeditated than diaphragms and 
condoms. Each day a woman looked at 
the dial of pills, took one and said, “I am 
a sexual being, free to be spontaneous.” 

The press, always conservative, chart- 


ed the impact of the Pill. It told of a jeal- 
ous husband who substituted aspirin for 
his wife's pills, to see if she was sleeping 
with someone else. We learned of house- 
wives on Long Island who supplement- 
ed their incomes by Pill-protected prosti- 
tution. We heard about girls telling boys 
that they were on the Pill when they 
weren't. The Pill would become for 
many women the most important recre- 
ational drug of the century. 


OUR LADY OF THE LABORATORY 


We may never know her name. Dr. 
Leslie Farber, the first person to describe 
her, called her “the Lady of the Labo- 
ratory.” Malcolm Muggeridge, in an 


“4 


IN 
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y 


apoplectic tirade titled “Down With 
Sex,” called her “the Unknown Onanist” 
and said she deserved her own monu- 
ment, like that of the Unknown Soldier. 

She was one of 382 females who had 
had sex with an artificial penis—a clear 
plastic tube filled with cold light and a 
camera—while being observed by two 
sex researchers named Dr. William Mas- 
ters and Virginia Johnson in St. Louis. 

And what that camera saw would 
change our most basic notions of female 
sexuality. A film would show a woman's 
hand stroking her clitoris, would show 
the walls of the vagina glisten with lubri- 
cation, would show the clitoris bow and 
withdraw behind folds of flesh, would 
show the oceanic swells of orgasm ripple 
those vaginal walls. 

Never mind that the scientists had al- 
so observed 312 males in the acts of in- 
tercourse and automanipulation. Who 
cared about male sexual response? A 
woman's orgasm, a woman's anatomy, a 
woman's potential—that demanded the 
world's attention. 

The drumroll of publicity—most of it 
adverse—preceded the 1966 publication 
of Human Sexual Response by more than 
a year. Dr. Farber, a psychoanalyst in 
Washington, D.C., criticized almost 
every aspect of the research project, 
claiming that Masters and Johnson de- 
humanized sex. Not only had the scien- 
tists done away with “modesty, privacy, 
reticence, abstinence, chastity, fidelity, 
shame"—the emotional arsenal of a re- 
pressed society —they had reduced them 
to “rather arbitrary matters that in- 
terfered with the health of the sexual 

rts.” 

What seemed to bother Farber most 
was that the unidentified woman in the 
film had achieved her orgasm without 
male help. “According to the lesson of 
the laboratory,” he wrote, “there is only 
one perfect orgasm—if by perfect we 
mean one wholly subject to its owner's 
will, wholly indifferent to human contin- 
gency or context. Clearly the perfect or- 
gasm is the orgasm achieved on one's 
own. No other consummation offers 
such certainty and moreover avoids the 
messiness that attends most human af- 
fairs. Nor should we be too surprised if 
such solitary pleasure becomes the ideal 
by which all mutual sex is measured.” 

Muggeridge saw Masters and John- 
son's research as the ultimate result of 
America’s newfound belief in sex as plea- 
sure. “Thus stripped, sex becomes an or- 
gasm merely. To those self-evident rights 
in the famous Declaration there should 
be added this new, essential one: the 
Right to Orgasm.” 

Colette Dowling and Patricia Fahey al- 
so found the uppercase key on their 
typewriter. In an article in Esquire they 
wrote that “the new female status symbol 
is the orgasm.” Women were suddenly 
embarked on “the Quest for the Holy 
Wail”; all of women’s accomplishments 


paled next to “the Quality Orgasm.” The 
Lady of the Laboratory described by 
Farber had “long been the woman of the 
American Sex Daydream.” If only Mas- 
ters and Johnson would release the film, 
they argued, every woman would be able 
“to raise her Orgasm Capacity.” 

How was a woman to attain this goal? 
Dowling and Fahey invoked images of 
belly dancers lifting eggs off tables with 
their genitals and quoted a scx manu- 
al that said the sexual responsibilities of 
women included exercising that magical 
pubococcygeus muscle. 

When Human Sexual Response ap- 
peared it was an immediate best-seller, 
staying on the charts for six months. 
Masters and Johnson presented the 
physiology of arousal, breaking down 
the sex act into four phases: excitement, 
plateau, orgasmic and resolution. The 
book read like an owner's manual for the 
human body, recording myriad minute 
details: the clitoris retracting under its 
hood, the rising of the testicles as the 
male approaches orgasm, the skin rash 
sweeping across a lover's body like a 
summer squall. This is what the body did 
during sex, whether the sex was premar- 
ital, extramarital, solo or whatever. 

Dr. Masters would later explain the 
impact of defining sex purely in terms of 
physiology. In a 1968 Playboy Interview he 
id: “Sexual demand seems to be a 
unique physiological entity. Unlike other 
demands, it can be withdrawn from; it 
can be delayed or postponed indefinite- 


ly. You can't do this with bowel function 
or cardiac or respiratory function. Per- 
haps because it can be influenced in this 
unique manner, sex has been pulled out 
of context. Lawyers and legislators have 
taken a hand in telling us how to regu- 
late sexual activity. They don't, of 
course, presume to regulate heart rate.” 

In the eyes of the scientist, all orgasms 
were equal. Masters and Johnson put 
sex back into the context of the body. 
There was no sin in a vital sign, the rapid 
heartbeat or the powerful contractions 
of the penis or vagina. With one hand, 
the Lady of the Laboratory swept away 
the cobwebs and we saw sex in a new 
light. She made us aware of the clitoris. 
As someone would say (probably me), 
prior to 1966 everyone thought the clit- 
oris was a monument in Greece. Indeed, 
the word clitoris appeared in the pages 
of PLAYBOY for the first time in Masters 
and Johnson's 1968 interview. 

Forget penis envy. The clitoris—which 
researchers called the homolog, anatom- 
ically, of the penis—was the only or- 
gan in the human body whose sole pur- 
pose was pleasure. Women had one. 
Men didn't. 

It wasn't as though we hadn't known 
the clitoris existed. Freud had charming- 
ly compared it to pine kindling used ro 
ignite the whole body. Then he queered 
sex for 60 years by insisting that orgasms 
created by stroking and stoking the lit- 
tle fire were immature. Mature wom- 
en went past that sideshow barker to 


"No, son, just a little higher and to the left. Do you see it? 
Third window over, the brunette.” 


151 


152 \ 


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experience deeper, vaginal orgasms 
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Masters and Johnson showed that at 
climax the whole body was involved in 
orgasm. Nipples became erect. Nostrils 
flared. The mind set offits own electrical 
show. It was absurd to divide the body 
and create hierarchies based on some 
analyst who studied people while they 
lay fully clothed on his couch. 


Masters and Johnson were acutely 
aware of how phallocentric American 
sex had become. Only once in a 366- 
page book did they mention oral sex— 
and anal sex not at all. They knew these 
behaviors existed, but oral sex was still 
against the law in almost every state. 
They worried that even to mention such 
practices would cost them their careers. 
“We didn’t have the courage,” they told 
er. 

filled with treasures. 
Women had another ability denied men. 
The chart for male sexual response 
showed a onc-hill roller-coaster ride. 
Up. Peak. Down. 

The chart for female sexual response 
showed a single peak cycle, a multipeak 
cycle and one curve that looked like a 
stone skipping across water. Women 
were capable of multiple orgasms. 

That potential drew us into the sex 
act, to prolonging it, to playing with dif- 
ferent buttons, to lighting up the uni- 
verse and going for bonus points. Some 
women claimed that the emphasis on or- 
gasm and multiple orgasms turned them 
into objects; others simply lay back and 
collected on a debt long overdue. 

‘There is an irony here: At the very 
moment the Pill made intercourse safe 
for the unprotected penis, intercourse 
was deemed irrelevant. On the other 
hand, a woman could ride an erection, a 
tongue or a vibrator all night 

In the realm of applied science, a Cal- 
ifornia inventor named Jon Tavel sought 
a patent for a battery-powered, bullet- 
shaped vibrator. The Post Office report- 
ed that mail-order companies were del- 
uging widows and housewives with 
advertisements for “a fairly expensive 
fornication machine.” 

On your mark. Get set. Go. 


CAMPUS SEX 


‘To fully appreciate the social upheaval 
that swept through the Sixties, one must 
look at a different laboratory. The col- 
lege campus was a microcosm of the 
culture outside. What did the first war 
babies and Baby Boomers encounter as 
they came of age? 

In 1960 Leo Koch, a biology professor 
at the University of Illinois, wrote a let- 
ter to the campus newspaper describing 
a novel idea: “With modern contracep- 
tives and medical advice readily available 
at the nearest drugstore, or at least from 


a family physician, there is no valid rea- 
son that sexual intercourse should not 
be condoned among those sufficiently 
mature to engage in it without social 
consequences and without violating 
their own codes of morality and ethics.” 

A strongly worded letter from the 
Reverend Ira Latimer, an alumni dad, 
accused Koch of being part of a com- 
munist conspiracy aimed at subverting 
“the religious and moral foundations of 
America.” 

Koch was suspended, then dismissed. 
One headline stated: PROFESSOR TO BE 
FIRED FOR URGING FREE LOVE. Students 
who demonstrated for Koch's free 
speech rights were photographed by 
the school’s head of security, a former 
FBI agent. 

In 1962 S. Gibson Blanding, the 
president of Vassar, reminded students 
that “the college expects every student 
to uphold the highest standards.” She 
stated that premarital sex relations con- 
stituted “offensive and vulgar behavior” 
and that anyone who disagreed could 
simply leave campus. 

Yalies predicted “a mass exodus from 
Poughkeepsie of indignant Vassar wom- 
en wearing their diaphragms as badges 
of courage." 

Blanding was simply exercising the 
power known as in loco parentis, the no- 
tion that the college should act in place 
of parents. One National Review editorial 
noted that in the past this had meant 
keeping Joe College sober enough to 
make his classes, but in the Sixties it be- 
came one of the last barricades to fall 
in the sexual revolution. As the Baby 
Boomers came of age, the college popu- 
lation increased dramatically, with a 
record six out of ten high school grads 
going on to higher education. More im- 
portant, the percentage of women at- 
tending higher education doubled —crc- 
ating a balance between the sexes. 

College offered a room of one's own, 
no parental supervision and a jury of 
one's peers. 

Colleges traditionally relied on a sexu- 
altime clock—known as parietal hours— 
to control romance. Women's dormito- 
ries were subject to lockouts. As Marga- 
ret Mead noted in an article prompted 
by Blanding's Vassar crusade: "Any girl 
who stayed out under circumstances in 
which she might be suspected of having 
had premarital sex relations was re- 
moved from the college—sometimes 
gently, sometimes harshly.” 

‘This was an era when married college 
women were not allowed to live in dor- 
mitories for fear they might provide 
“a contaminating atmosphere.” Some 
Catholic colleges forbade students from 
going steady, saying the behavior was an 
“occasion for sin.” They worried that 
when young lovers ran out of things to 
talk about, they would turn to sex. 

Schools created bizarre and elaborate 
rules to control young lust. Handbooks. 


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POL AJYSESOIY 


156 


dictated the number of dates students 
could have each semester, the hours in 
which the sexes could intermingle. 
Males and females could visit one anoth- 
er, but lights had to be on. (Students got 
around this by leaving a doset light on.) 
A school rule that said a door had to be 
open “the width of a book” sparked cre- 
ative students to meet the letter of the 
law with a matchbook. A male student 
who wanted privacy would hang a tie 
from the doorknob of his room. (Mort 
Sahl tells of a campus Romeo who em- 
ployed the code so often his roommate 
got suspicious and discovered the sup- 
posed Romeo alone, reading.) 

The college handbooks were a Kama 
Sutra Americana—demanding that a male 
and a female in a dorm room keep at 
least three feet on the floor. 

Some schools tried to put a stopwatch 
on dating—defining the term as spend- 
ing more than 15 minutes in the compa- 
ny of a member of the opposite sex. 

Russell Kirk tried to defend in loco 
parentis in the National Review: “A great 
many students at Columbia or Har- 
vard—perhaps the majority—are decent 
people who have enrolled to learn some- 
thing or other. They aren't alcoholics or 
satyrs. They might even enjoy a little 
quiet in which to read a book or con- 
verse. Decent people too have their 
rights, particularly the right not to have 
to endure a nuisance and a stench. If 
young people prefer the atmosphere of 
a sporting house, let them go thither— 
and leave the dormitories of Columbia 


and Harvard to these horrible prigs who 
actually still believe, after their reac- 
tionary fashion, that a college is a place 
of learning and meditation.” 

Barely three years into the decade, an 
off-Broadway theater group called the 
Premise was using humor to ridicule the 
public posture of college administrators. 
Mocking a commencement speech, an 
actor intoned: 

“Ladies of Vassar and your guests 
from Harvard and Yale: I would like to 
say that premarital sex is indecent, im- 
moral and wrong—and the least that 
you could do is stop while I'm talking 
to you.” 

By 1964 seven of 19 private colleges in 
the East had abandoned in loco parentis 
and restrictive dorm rules; none of the 
18 public universities had yielded. By 
the end of the decade even Vassar had 
gone coed and created coed dorms. 

Gael Greene, author of Sex and the Col- 
lege Girl, reported that the myth of the 
virgin was ridiculed on almost every 
campus. The owl at DePauw University 
was supposed to hoot when a virgin 
walked by, a Confederate soldier at the 
University of Mississippi salute, a statue 
of Abe Lincoln at the University of Wis- 
consin rise. Of course, they never did. 

Students questioned the need for spe- 
cial protection. Many young people had 
gone away to college specifically to get 
away from parental supervision. The 
Fifties had encouraged carly marriage. 
Nearly a quarter of 18-year-olds were al- 
ready married. A student at Cornell told 


“Remember the time I blew your house down for the insurance?” 


Greene that she couldn't see what the 
fuss was all about. After all, she said, 
“We're the high school girls who didn't 
get pregnant. 

Some campus doctors actually pre- 
scribed the Pill to female students, say- 
ing they would rather see them now 
than six months later asking for an abor- 
tion. But it was done discreetly. 

As the war in Vietnam escalated, male 
students had a new argument against in 
loco parentis. If an 18-year-old could be 
drafted and sent to war, an 18-year-old 
student should have control over his 
own actions specifically the sexual. The 
concept became known as Our Bodies, 
Our Selves. Let me fuck before I die. 

Coeds examined their coyness, the 
false front of flirtation. Students at Rad- 
cliffe complained that teasing was cruel. 
A Wesleyan teacher noted the girl who 
teased was a “sexual pirate.” If you are 
going to do it, do it with affection. Stu- 
dents took courses in sexual ethics. A 
UCLA coed told Greene that Bertrand 
Russell's Marriage and Morals was “more 
or less my undoing.” Philosophy courses 
introduced them to Norman O. Brown 
and Freud's concept of polymorphous 
perversity—the notion that the entire 
body is an erogenous zone. 

Gloria Steinem would call the phe- 
nomenon “The Moral Disarmament of 
Betty Cocd." She ended that article by 
stating, “The main trouble with sexually 
liberating women is that there aren't 
enough sexually liberated men to go 
around.” 

Everything happening in the culture 
at large swept through colleges. Walls 
sprouted posters of Che Guevara, the 


lion guys bought the poster of Raquel 
Welch as a cavewoman in One Million 
Years B.C. and turned the Playmate of the 
Month into an icon. Some actually be- 
lieved if you put a poster of a naked 
woman on the wall of your room, it 
would attract real naked women. 

Cult classics such as Robert Heinlein's 
Stranger in a Strange Land encouraged 
a new kind of sexuality—a “growing 
closer.” Heinlein's science fiction novel, 
written in 1960, proved remarkably pro- 
phetic. The story of Valentine Michael 
Smith—the sole survivor of an expedi- 
tion to Mars—foresaw cults, hot tubs (or 
at lcast communal nude bathing), group 
sex, the girl next door as a vagabond 
striptease artist and sacred prostitute, 
and the government destruction of com- 
munes. The tale also foreshadowed al- 
tered states of consciousness, with a tech- 
nique called grokking. 

By 1966 Robert Rimmer’s The Harrad 
Experiment—a tale about an experimen- 
tal college program in New England in 
which students were assigned room- 
mates of the opposite sex, took phys ed 
classes together in the nude and attend- 
ed nightly seminars in sexual ethics— 


billed itself as the “Sex Manifesto of the 
Free Love Generation.” In Rimmer's 
fantasy world students were expected to 
sleep together. One of the few rules was 
to limit yourself to one partner per men- 
strual cycle. so that ifa girl became preg- 
nant there would be no question who the 
father was. 

One of the coeds in Rimmer's book 
becomes a centerfold for Cool Boy Maga- 
zine, but only after demanding that the 
photographers and the publisher take 
off their clothes as well. 

By 1969 many colleges were experi- 
menting with coed dormitories. Look re- 
ported on what happens when members 
of the opposite sex spend time in con- 
tinual close proximity: “There's more 
sex when you live like 
this, just because girls 
are here. I mean, sex 
is sort of in the air.” 

But with a new 
twist: “You think 
twice about sleeping 
with a girl when you 
know you have to 
face her the next 
morning at break- 
fast—and at lunch, 
and at dinner, and at 
breakfast.” 

Coed dormitories 
changed courtship, 
the hideous formality 
of fraternity parties, 
the desperate fum- 
bling for sex before 
lockout, the pressure 
to be pinned or spo- 
ken for. Gone were 
the makeup and rent- 
ed tuxedo. “You see 
a girl at all her mo- 
ments,” said one guy, 
“not just her dressed- 
up ones.” Gone were 
the corsages. 


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work of wife-swapping couples and 
swingers’ clubs. In loco parentis gave 
way to parents gone loco with Just. The 
freedom of the campus spread into the 
culture at large. 


THE COUNTERCULTURE 


There were those who turned their 
back on higher education. The walls 
around campus could not keep the real 
world at bay. Issues such as race and war 
made the rat race for a degree seem ob- 
scene. At Berkeley students fought for 
four months to have the right to raise 
money for political causes on campus. AL 
the height of the furor students staged a 

it-in on Sproul Plaza, holding a police 


stream newspapers ran crime news and 
arts reviews and Dick Tracy. Under- 
ground papers ran demonstration news 
and rock reviews and The Fabulous Furry 
Freak Brothers, a comic about three ami- 
able heads Tracy would have busted for 
their rampant pot smoking. The dailies 
carried ads for pots and pans and suits; 
the undergrounders sold rolling papers, 
LPs and jeans.” 

By 1967, Peck notes, there were 20 
underground papers. By 1969 there 
were at least 500. The underground 
press was rude and confrontational. Pio- 
neer Ed Sanders’ 1962 magazine was 
called simply Fuck You: A Magazine of 
the Arts. 

The new culture embodied the Mc- 
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Leo Koch, the vi- 
sionary professor who 
was tossed out of the 
University of Illinois, 
moved on to better things. With Jeffer- 
son Poland, a former civil rights activist, 
Professor Koch formed the New York 
Sexual Freedom League. The idea 
caught on. Poland moved to California, 
formed the San Francisco Sexual Free- 
dom League and got arrested for stag- 
ing a nude wade-in in the Bay. The Uni- 
versity of California Sexual Freedom 
Forum sold buttons that said гм WILLING 
IF YOU ARE. Some scoffed at the buttons— 
arguing that you didn't need to join a 
movement to practice sexual freedom. 
On the other hand, weekly orgies involv- 
ing 20 to 45 students didn’t just happen 
by themselves. 

The sexual freedom leagues moved 
off campus and blossomed into a net- 


$179" 


Increasingly, students simply dropped 
out and formed radical new communi- 
ties, along New York's St. Mark's Place, 
Berkeley's Telegraph Avenue, Los Ange- 
les' Sunset Strip, San Francisco's Haight 
Street, Chicago's Wells Street and Madi- 
son's Mifflin Street. They formed co-ops 
and collectives, or simply announced the 
existence of crash pads. These commu- 
nities had enormous drawing power for 
the young. In 1966 the FBI reported 
that 90,000 teenagers had been arrested 
as runaways. 

The counterculture re-created Amer 
ca, starting with underground news- 
papers. In Uncovering the Sixties: The 
Life and Times of the Underground Press, 
Abe Peck gives this comparison: “Main- 


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that in the global vil- 
lage people did not 
need jobs, they need- 
ed roles. The coun- 
terkids raided thrift 
shops and became 
gypsies, Elizabethan 
ladies, shamans, 
Knights, clowns, cow- 
boys, gurus and the 
like. Head shops sup- 
plied love beads, in- 
cense, cabalistic texts, 
massage oils, Indian 
fabrics and Lava 
lamps. 

The countercul- 
ture turned the en- 
tire world into an art 
school. Mime troupes 
staged guerrilla the- 
ater in the streets, 
bands played in parks 
and old union halls. 
Borrowing a page 
from The Playboy Phi- 
losophy, a group called 
the Open Theater 
read aloud from a 
19th century sermon 
on the consequences 
of masturbation. Lat- 
er, they staged a se- 
ries of happenings 
called Revelations, in 
which motion pictures were projected 
on the bodies of naked actors and ac- 
tresses. The young and the hip wore the 
movies as a second skin. 

Those in the counterculture lived the 
Beat vision, and treated as saints figures 
such as Allen Ginsberg, William Bur 
roughs, Gary Snyder and Lawrence Fer- 
linghetti. Ken Kesey's novel about in- 
mates taking over an asylum, One Flew 
Over the Cuckoo's Nest, became the bible of 
the new rebellion. Kesey then gave up 
writing for a form of living art. He and 
the Merry Pranksters threw Trips Festi- 
vals, exploring the potential of LSD, 
which was still legal at the ume. Some es- 
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TIME САР/ШЬЕ 


FIRST APPEARANCES 


The Pill. IUDs. Librium. Valium. 
Freedom Riders. Sit-ins. Be-ins. 
Love-ins. Peace Corps. Learjet. In- 
stant replay. Ford Mustang. Topless 
bathing suits. Topless bars. Jacuzzis. 
Waterbeds. Lava lamps. 
National Organization 
for Women. Cosmo Girl. 
The Sensuous Woman. 
Hair. Moog synthesiz- 
ers. Motown. Penthouse. 
Screw. The Twist. Playboy 
Clubs. The Playboy 
Mansion. Bunnies. Hip- 
pies. Yippies. Cassettes. 
Pop art. Op art. Hap- 
penings. Computer dat- 
ing. Singles’ bars. "Here's 
Johnny!” Woodstock. 
Ken. G.I. Joe. Stonewall. 


WHO'S HOT 

JFK. Jackie. The Rat Pack. 
George. Paul, John. Ringo. James 
Bond. Bob Dylan. Joan Baez. Rolling 
Stones. Arctha Franklin. Barbra 
Streisand. Supremes. Jim Morrison. 
Jimi Hendrix. [ohn Coltrane. Andy 
Warhol. Sean Connery. Paul New- 
man. Steve McQueen. Clint East- 
wood. Raquel Welch. Natalie Wood. 
Jane Fonda. Elizabeth Taylor. Rich- 
ard Burton. Peter Fonda. Dennis 
Hopper. Dustin Hoffman. John 
Glenn. Joe Namath. Martin Luther 
King Jr. Muhammad Ali. Marshall 
McLuhan. Timothy Leary. Hef. 
Henry Miller. Twiggy. 


WE THE PEOPLE 


Population of the U.S. in 1960: 
179 million. Population of the U. 
in 1970: 205 million. Percentage of 
population under the age of 26 in 
1966: 48. Life expectancy of a male 
in 1960: 66.6 years. Of a female: 
73.1. Life expectancy of a male in 
1970: 67.1 ycars. Of a female: 74.8. 
Marriages per 1000 people in 1961 
8.5. In 1970: 10.6. Number of un- 
married couples living together in 
1960: 17,000. In 1970: 143,000. In 
1967, number ofclients of Operation 
Match, a computer dating service: 5 
million. Number who found mates: 
130,000. Number of marriages per 
year circa 1966 involving teenagers: 
500,000. Percentage of those that re- 


raw data from the sixties 


sulted from pregnancy: 50. Percent- 
age of teen marriages that ended in 
divorce: 50. 


MONEY MATTERS 
No, it doesn't. 


MONEY MATTERS, TAKE TWO 


Gross national product in 1960: 
$504 billion. GNP in 1970: $1 tril- 
lion. Percentage of a white male's 
salary carned by a black male in 
1970: 70. Percentage of a white 
male's salary earned by a white fe- 
male in 1970: 58. Percentage earned 
by a black female: 50. 


COLLEGE BOUND 


Number of college students in 
2175 institutions in 1965: 5.4 mil- 
lion. Number of demonstrations be- 
tween January 1 and June 15, 1968 
al 101 colleges and universities: 221. 
Number of students involved: 
39,000. Number of universities fac- 
ing student strikes or forced to close 
in 1969: 448. 


VIETNAM 


Number of U.S. advisors in Viet- 
nam in 1961: 700. In 1963: 16,000. 
U.S. troops in Vietnam in 1969: 
542,000. Number of names on the 
Vietnam War Memorial: 58,209. 


MEDIUM COOL 


What we watched on TV when we 
weren't watching the war in Viet- 
nam: Gunsmoke, Have Gun Will Trav- 
el, Andy Griffith Show, Rauhide, Candid 
Camera, The Untouchables, Bonanza, 
Perry Mason, Dr. Kildare, Ben Casey, 
The Beverly Hillbillies, Dick Van Dyke 


Show, Bewitched, I Dream of Jeannie, 
Batman, The Fugitive, Get Smart, 
Mission: Impossible, The Man From 
U.N.C.L.E., The Avengers, Gilligan's Is- 
land, Smothers Brothers Comedy Hour, 
Rowan & Martin's Laugh-In. 


THE PILL 


Number of U.S. wom- 
en taking Enovid in 
1961: 408,000. Number 
taking birth control 
pills in 1966: 6 million. 
Amount of money spent 
on contraceptive de- 
vices in 1961: $200 mil- 
lion. Percentage of that 
figure spent on con- 
doms: 75. Number of 
malformed babies born 
to women who took 
thalidomide, “the sleep- 
ing pill of the century”: 12,000. Year 
thalidomide was withdrawn from the 
market: 1962. When Sherri Fink- 
bine. host of Romper Room, realized 
she had taken thalidomide during 
the first and second months of her 
mber of hospitals in 
g to perform an abor- 
tion: 0. Name of country where she 
obtained an abortion: Sweden. Ac- 
cording to Time in 1964, number of 
abortions performed in the U.S. that. 
year: one million. Percentage of 
those abortions decmed illegal: 99. 


SLANG ME 

New words and phrases: acid test, 
fake cut, splashdown, status report, 
put on, camp, kook, crash, crash 
pad, groovy, groupie, rap, vibe, 
straight, abort, psychedelic, mind- 
blowing, zap, go-go, mod, pop, 
flower power, hawk, miniskirt, hot- 
pants, uppers, downers, peak expe- 
rience, power to the people, sock it 
to me, don't trust anyone over 30. 


FINAL APPEARANCES 


1962: Marilyn Monroe 

1963: John E Kennedy 
1965: Malcolm X 

1966: Lenny Bruce 

1966: Margaret Sanger 
1967: Jayne Mansfield 

1968: Robert Kennedy 

1968: Martin Luther King Jr. 
1969: Sharon Tate 


„А. А A A A А. АД. er А. А. A А. А. А. А. An Дь. А. А. А. А. А. Дь. А. А. А. А. А. 9 9 А. de А. А. din А. А. din А. А. А. А. А. А. А. А. А. А. 


69999999999999979999999999999999Ф9 | 


plentiful as confetti at a parade. 

In 1966, the counterculture staged a 
Love-Pageant Rally to celebrate “the 
freedom of the body, the pursuit of joy 
and the expansion of consciousness.” 

The invitation read: “Bring children. 
Flowers. Banners. Flutes. Drums. Feath- 
ers, Bands, Beads. Flags. Incense. 
Chimes. Gongs. Cymbals. Symbols.” In 
1967 that spirit culminated in the Sum- 
mer of Love and the first be-in. 

‘The authentic counterculture was 
over almost as quickly as it began. In Oc- 
tober 1967 a group paraded a giant 
coffin through the Haight, announcing 
“the Death of the Hippie, Son of Media.” 
Acommunity of maybe 7000 gentle souls 
became a tourist attraction warding off 
75,000 hippie wannabes over a single 
summer. Concerned citizen Chester An- 
derson printed a flier warning of the 
danger of the dream: “Pretty little 16- 
year-old middle-class chick comes to the 
Haight to see what it's all about and gets 
picked up by a 17-year-old street dealer 
who spends all day shooting her full of 
speed again and again, then feeds her 
3000 mikes and raffles off her tempo- 
rarily unemployed body for the biggest 
Haight Street gang bang since the night 
before last. Rape is as common as bull- 
shit on Haight Street." 

"The idea of the Haight disturbed con- 
servatives and created new demagogues. 
Charles Perry recounts in his The Haight- 
Ashbury: A History that an actor named 
Ronald Reagan successfully campaigned 
for governor of California by promising 
to restore capital punishment, punish 
rebellious students at Berkeley and 
crack down on obscenity. 

Within a week of Reagan's election, 
police busted the Psychedelic Shop for 
selling obscene literature. ‘Iwo days later 
the City Lights Bookstore in North 
Beach was raided. 

The obscenity in question was The 
Love Book by Lenore Kandel, a small- 
press collection of four poems. The com- 
munity sponsored a protest read-in. Pro- 
fessors from local universities read aloud 
from a poem called To Fuck With Love. 

When the book was declared obscene 
by a court, the poet thanked the police 
and pledged part of her earnings to 
their retirement fund. Their action had 
taken a book that had sold "about 50" 
copies and turned it into a local best- 
seller (with more than 20,000 copies sold 
after the bust). 

Hippies took up a new address. In 
1967 Hair played at the Public Theater. 
of New York, then moved to Broadway. 
Put a flower in your hair. Must be the 
dawning of the Age of Aquarius. 


SEX, DRUGS AND КОСІ 


ROLL 


The counterculture was an idea, not 
an address, an energy, not a neighbor- 
hood. It represented the fusion of three 
forces—sex, drugs and rock 'n' roll. 
Rock heroes were phallic personalities 


who had sex with an entire nation. Jim 
Morrison of the Doors grabbed his gen- 
itals during performances and simulat- 
ed oral sex. In Miami he mimed mastur- 
bation and exposed himself, earning 
an arrest. 

When the Stones toured America in 
1965, groupies lined up to get a taste of 
rock's nastiest boys. Every tour had a 
sexual sideshow as female fans traded 
oral sex for access to the stars, working 
their way through doormen, bellhops, 
roadies and managers. 

Kathy and Mary, known as the Dy- 
namic Duo, partied with the Beatles, 
Led Zeppelin and Terry Reid. But they 
had their clits set on Mick. Indeed, he 
was the benchmark. Their morning-af- 
ter conversations went something like 


this: "Brian Jones? He's great.” Pause. 
“But he's no Mick Jagger." 
“Keith Richards? Fantastic." Pause. 


*But he's no Mick Jagger." 
When they finally bedded Mick, the 
morning-after review went: "Mick? He's 
cool.” Pause. "But he's no Mick Jagger." 
Little wonder that two groupies in 
Chicago honored their heroes by mak- 
ing plaster casts of their private parts. 

The Grateful Dead, Jefferson Airplane 
and Youngbloods were gypsy bands. 
The rock of the counterculture was mi- 
gratory. Concerts became social events— 
with audiences numbering in the tens of 
thousands, hundreds of thousands, cul- 
minating in Woodstock, with numbers 
half a million strong. This was the body 
politic gone Dionysian—we went from 
alienation to Woodstock nation. 

Abe Peck remembers rock “radiating 
what life could feel like if only people got 
together. Like a Rolling Stone, Satisfaction, 
My Generation, A Day in the Life, Purple 
Haze, Down on Me were stunning songs, 
vinyl diary entries marking a listener's 
first apartment, demonstration, orgasm, 
trip. 

Rock heroes were the journalists of 
the new culture: When the Beatles dis- 
covered LSD, it showed in their music. 
Recreational drugs had their stamp of 
approval. The leap from Lucy in the Shy 
With Diamonds (a tribute to lysergic acid) 
to Magical Mystery Tour was rapid. Mil- 
lions climbed on board the bus. 


By his own estimate, Timothy Leary 
had tripped more than 100 times before 
the thought occurred to him to try sex 
on psychedelics. So much for the value 
of a Berkeley Ph.D. 

Leary, who had first sampled magic 
mushrooms sitting around a pool in 
Cuernavaca in 1960, had been relatively 
unchanged by the drugs. "I routinely lis- 
tened to pop music, drank martinis, ate 
what was put before me,” he admitted 

Flora Lu Ferguson, wife of jazz musi- 
cian Maynard Ferguson, suggested that 
Leary learn what life was like “in the 
first-class lounge.” Leary consented and 


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found himself tripping with Malaca, a 
model from Morocco. “We rose as one 
and walked to the sunporch. She turned, 
came to me, entwined her arms around 
my neck. We were two sea creatures. 
The mating process in this universe be- 
gan with the fusion of moist lips produc- 
ing a soft-electric rapture, which irra- 
diated the entire body. We found no 
problem maneuvering the limbs, tenta- 
cles and delightful protuberances with 
which we were miraculously equipped 
the transparent honey-liquid zero-gravi- 
ty atmosphere that surrounded, bathed 
and sustained us.” 

After this experience, his hostess ex- 
plained to him the secret of the universe: 
“It's all sex, don't you see?” 

Leary brought Malaca back to Har- 
vard but “it was hard for her to adjust to 
my domestic scene. After a week 1 still 
saw Malaca as a temple-dancer divinity 
from the 33rd Dynasty. But it soon be- 
came obvious that up here in the mid- 
dle-class 20th century she was out of 
place, turning into a petulant, spoiled 
Arabian girl. The image from the drug 
session was slowly fading.” 

Leary checked with his guru. Aldous 
Husley, author of The Doors of Perception, 
told him that of course psychedclics 
were aphrodisiacs, but “we've stirred up 
enough trouble suggesting that drugs 
can stimulate aesthetic and religious ex- 
periences. I strongly urge you not to 
ler the sexual cat ant of the hag " But 
outside the ivy-covered walls of aca- 
deme people were discovering the deli- 
cious combination of sex and drugs on 
their own. 

On the West Coast Ken Kesey was 
conducting Acid Tests—winner-take-all 
mind games with light shows that dupli- 
cated atomic apocalypse, a battle of the 
bands between the Jefferson Airplane 
and the Grateful Dead, and Elys; 
romps through the woods of Big Sur. 

The press initially rhapsodized about 
the drug's potential for elaborate prob- 
lem solving, for creativity, for psycho- 
analysis. Hallucinogenic drugs let you 
hear color, smell music, touch a scent. 
It made tripping sound like kindergar- 
ten class. Who would let the cat out of 
the bag? By the time PLAYBOY caught up 
with Leary in 1966, he had tripped 311 
times. Sex was all he could talk about. 

“Sex under LSD,” he said, “becomes 
miraculously enhanced. It increases 
your sensitivity a thousand percent. 
Compared with sex under LSD, the way 
you've been making love—no matter 
how ecstatic the pleasure you think you 
get from it—is like making love to a de- 
partment store dummy. When you're 
making love under LSD, it’s as though 
every cell in your body—and you have 
trillions—is making love with every cell 
in her body.” 

Recognizing a charismatic salesman, 
we let him talk on: “An LSD session that 
does not involve an ultimate merging 


with a person of the opposite sex isn't re- 
ally complete. One of the great purposes 
of an LSD session is sexual union. 

“In a carefully prepared, loving LSD 
session,” said Leary, “a woman will in- 
evitably have several hundred orgasms.” 

The Leary interview fused sex and 
drugs, but the magazine felt a responsi- 
bility to investigate further. The editors 
asked R.E.L. Masters, a researcher in the 
field of psychedelics and religious expe- 
rience, to comment on the delights and 
hazards of Sex, Ecstasy and the Psychedelic 
Drugs in November 1967. 

Masters dismissed Leary's claim for 
the hundred-orgasm woman: “I have yet 
to hear from anyone else about a single 
instance remotely approximating this. I 
feel rather confident that if it had been 
happening with any frequency, the 
world would not have had to wait for 
Leary to announce it.” 

Masters admitted that during psyche- 
delic sex intercourse does last longer, but 
this is due to a distortion of time that 
gives the act “the flavor of eternity.” 

You could fill an erection with wonder. 
Sex was just a beginning, a stage set for 
awe-inspiring theater. You could genital- 
ize any part of your body. One subject 
had told Masters that “he became aware 
of his entire body as ‘one great, erect pe- 
nis. The world was a vagina and [ had a 
sense of moving in and out of it, wit 
tense sexual sensations.” 

Whoa 

The backlash was inevitable. All Amer- 
ica was in danger of becoming a drug 
culture. In 1967 Americans consumed 
some 800,000 pounds of barbiturates, 
some ten billion amphetamine tablets. 
But a drug that turned your whole body 
into an erection? Harry J. Anslinger, for- 
mer Prohibition agent and father of 
Reefer Madness, was quick to respond to 
the Leary interview. “If we want to take 
Leary literally,” he said, “we should call 
LSD Let's Start Degeneracy." 

1n 1970 the federal government creat- 
ed a new label for drugs for which “there 
is no legitimate use.” LSD was banned, 
along with the previously outlawed mar- 
ijuana and cocaine 


SEXUAL POLITICS 


The counterculture believed that sex 
was political. It marched into battle with 
“banners flying from erect penises.” And 
it knew how to play with the fears of the 
older generation. 

The planners of a 1967 march on the 
Pentagon—a protest against the escalat- 
ing war in Vietnam—peutioned the gov- 
ernment for a permit to levitate the Pen- 
tagon. Abbie Hoffman invited members 
of the press to his apartment for a dem- 
onstration of a new hippie weapon, a 
psychedelic bomb. Jonah Raskin, in For 
the Hell of It, recounts that Hoffman told 
reporters that a group of radicals called 
the Diggers had come up with a high- 
potency sex juice called Lace. “When 


reporters showed up at Hoffman's apart- 
ment, two couples volunteered to dem- 
onstrate the power of the chemical. They 
sprayed one another with the purple lig- 
uid, then undressed and began to make 
love while reporters watched with glee. 
Making love would triumph over mak- 
ing war.” 

Hoffman wrote in East Village Other, 
“We will fuck on the grass and beat our- 
selves against the doors. Secretaries will 
disrobe and run into the streets, news- 
boys will rip up their newspapers and sit 
оп curbstones masturbating.” 

By 1968 Hoffman and Jerry Rubin 
had founded the Youth International 
Party, the yippies. They called for a cele- 
bration of life to counteract the 1968 
Democratic Convention being held in 
Mayor Richard J. Daley's Chicago. When 
the yippies applied for a park permit, 
they wrapped their request in a PLAYBOY 
centerfold, on which was written the 
greeting: TO DICK WITH LOVE, THE YIPPIES. 

Hoffman called for like-minded indi- 
viduals to bring their “eager skin” to 
Chicago. He circulated rumors to the cf- 
fect that yippie women would seduce 
convention delegates. 

Abbie stood outside the Federal Build- 
ing with a list of demands, one of them 
being. “People should fuck all the time, 
any time, whomever they wish.” 

Jerry Rubin gave this description: “A 
kid turns on television and there is his 
choice. Does he want to be smoking pot, 
dancing, fucking, stopping traffic and 
going to jail or does he want to be in a 
blue uniform beating up people or does 
he want to be in the convention with a tie 
strangling his throat making ridiculous 
deals and nominating a murderer?” 

When “the pigs” tried to clear the 
streets the whole world was watching. 
What it saw was a police riot 

But afterward, a Harris Poll showed 
that 70 percent of Americans sided with 
the police. When the dust cleared, Rich- 
ard Nixon was our president 


THE POLITICS OF REPRESSION 


In the Fifties, the nation had learned 
to wield scandal as a weapon of social 
control. In the Sixties, the federal gov- 
ernment used sex to discredit those with 
dangerous ideas. One was the father of 
rock and roll, the other the father of the 
civil rights movement. 

In 1960 Chuck Berry faced trial on 
two charges of violating the Mann Act. 
According to prosecutors, he had trans- 
ported two women across state lines for 
immoral purposes. David Langum, au- 
thor of Crossing Over the Line, writes that 
the trial was racially motivated. “Berry 
had a longtime business associate and 
secreta white woman named Fran- 
cine Gillium. The federal prosecutor in- 
sulted her, using phrases such as, "This 
blonde claims to be a secretary,’ and de- 
manding answers to questions such as, 
“What kind of secretarial duties do you 


perform?’ and ‘Did you tell your people 
you work for a Negro?” Berry was con- 
victed and sentenced to three years in 
jail. He served 20 months. 

For half a century the Mann Act, огір- 
inally intended to curb a nonexistent 
white-slave trade, was used to punish 
controversial figures from Jack Johnson 
(the first black heavyweight champion) 
to Charlie Chaplin. In 1962 the Depart- 
ment of Justice directed U.S. Attorneys 
to refrain from prosecuting noncom- 
mercial Mann Act violations without ap- 
proval. Only those connected to kidnap- 
ping, rape or organized prostitution 
would receive government attention. 

J. Edgar Hoover didn’t need the 
Mann Act to carry out personal vendet- 
tas against those he perceived to be the 
enemies of the country. In the Sixties his 
major target was Martin Luther King Jr. 
The head of the FBI had placed King 
under surveillance in the Fifties, when 
the young minister drew national atten- 
tion as the leader of the Montgomery 
bus boycott. Hoover ordered wiretaps 
on King’s home and offices and the hotel 
and motel rooms where King stayed. 

Mark Felt, a deputy associate director 
of the Bureau, says that Hoover was 
“outraged by the drunken sexual orgies, 
including acts of perversion, often in- 
volving several persons. Hoover re- 
ferred to these episodes as ‘those sexual 
things?” Hoover thought King was а 
“tomcat with obsessive, degenerate sexu- 
al urges.” 

In 1964, after King criticized the ЕВГ 
handling of the murders and church 
bombings in the South, Hoover decided 
to use the wiretap evidence he had com- 
piled. He told associates, “It will destroy 
the burrhead.” 

The task fell to Assistant Director 
William Sullivan, who swore that King 
would be “revealed to the people of this 
country and to his Negro followers as be- 
ing what he actually is—a fraud, dema- 
gogue and moral scoundrel." 

The tapes revealed that King was а 
sexually active male who, according to 
Curt Gentry, author of J. Edgar Hoover: 
The Man and His Secrets, had enjoyed an 
“unbuttoned fling” with two female em- 
ployees of the Philadelphia Naval Yard. 
Taylor Branch, in Pillar of Fire, writes 
that on January 6, 1964 the FBI had 
bugged King’s room at the Willard Ho- 
tel near the White House. “In the midst 


of an eventual 11 reels and 14 hours of 


party babble, with jokes about scared 
Negro preachers and stiff white bosses, 
arrived sounds of courtship and sex with 
distinctive verbal accompaniment. At the 
high point of the recording, Bureau 
technicians heard King’s distinctive 
voice ring out above others with pulsat- 
ing abandon, saying, ‘I'm fucking for 
God!" and ‘I’m not a Negro tonight?” 
The Bureau offered highlights of the 
tapes to The Washington Post, Newsweek, 
The New York Times, the Los Angeles Times, 


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The Chicago Daily News, The Allanta Consti- 
tution and The Augusta Chronicle. Not one 
paper published the story. In the Sixties, 
the private lives of public figures were 
not considered appropriate subjects for 
journalism. A decade earlier the story 
would have been planted in Confidential 
or in Walter Winchell's column. 

Frustrated, the FBI sent copies of the 
tapes to the office of the Southern Chris- 
tian Leadership Conference, assuming 
that Coretta King would open the mail. 
Accompanying the tapes was a letter 
threatening: “King, there is only one 
thing left for you to do. . . . There is but 
one way out for you. You better take it 
before your filthy, abnormal, fraudulent 
self is bared to the nation.” 

The threats and the tapes were ig- 
nored. It would take an assassin's bullet 
to end the dream. 


TRUTH OR DARE 


Hoover was not the only man in Wash- 
ington obsessed with sex. The homosex- 
ual witch-hunt of the Fifties had spread 
toall branches of ће government and to 
all sexual orientations. Federal employ- 
ees were routinely questioned about 
their sex lives. In March 1965 Congress- 


— # 
buck Browne 


“This jerk I live with sometimes gets crazy jealous.” 


man Cornelius Gallagher told fellow law- 
makers that the government regularly 
outdid Kinsey, asking male and female 
federal employees to answer such true- 
or-false statements as: “My sex life is sat- 
isfactory. I enjoy reading love stories. I 
believe women ought to have as much 
sexual freedom as men do. I dream fre- 
quently about things that are best kept to 
myself. There is something wrong with 
my sex organs. I masturbated when 1 
was an adolescent. I have had a great 
deal of sexual experience.” 

Both married and unmarried employ- 
ees had to give written answers to ques- 
tions asking if they had been troubled 
by such things as “petting and necking 
Wondering how far to go with the oppo- 
site sex. Being too inhibited in sex mat- 
ters. Feeling afraid of being found out. 
Being bothered by sexual thoughts or 
dreams. Worrying about the effects of 
masturbation.” 

Tristram Coffin, author of The Sex 
Kick, devoted a whole chapter to these 
American inquisitions, noting that a sa- 
distic streak of voyeurism ran through 
the accounts. “The rationale used to jus- 
tify this peeping,” he writes, “was that a 
homosexual, an adulterer, a fornicator 


or a masturbator could, if discovered by 
communist agents, be blackmailed in- 
to turning over government or defense 
or industrial secrets. This assumed that 
communists were as thick as flies and 
were especially sensitive to erotic behav- 
ior or were leading innocent typists into 
sin. Later, when this appeared patently 
silly, the psychologists moved in and de- 
veloped a new theory. Sexually aberrant 
individuals had unstable personalities 
and might cause personnel problems. 
Sexual aberration was most loosely de- 
fined, and the secretary who had day- 
dreams of a love affair with Brando or 
the junior executive who kissed the 
comely chief of files behind the screen at 
the office party might be adjudged guilty 
of aberrance.” 

There were 512 polygraphs scattered 
through government agencies, includ- 
ing the CIA and the National Security 
Agency. Before the use of the polygraphs 
was curtailed following investigations by 

isticared developed a 
In the true or 
false, reject every statement that might 
be considered by, say, a conservative con- 
gressman as antisocial. You don't like 
young people with beards, you don’t ap- 
prove of premarital sex relations, you 
never daydream about sex.” 

A national concern for our right to 
privacy was just one of the revolutionary 
ideas that came out of the Sixties. 


SEX AND LAW 


"The idea that the state had no business 
in the bedroom was an idea whose time 
had come. In 1960 the American Law 
Institute, a group of judges, attorneys 
and professors, issued the final draft of a 
Model Penal Code that attempted to es- 
tablish which sexual acts warranted gov- 
crnment interference and which did not. 

"The new code recommended the pun- 
ishment of “public indecency, prostitu- 
tion, the public sale of obscenity (not the 
private production or noncommercial 
dissemination of obscenity, however), 
rape. sex with minors, indecent expo- 
sure, bigamy, incest and abortion." 

But “private behavior will not be pun- 
ished.” The committee drafted a code 
predicated on the "danger to society 
rather than moral indignation." 

"The committee voted overwhelming- 
ly to decriminalize adultery and forni- 
cation. When it came to the topic of 
sodomy, Judge Learned Hand said, "I 
think it is a matter of morals, a matter 
very largely of taste, and it is not a mat- 
ter that people should be put in prison 
about." 

Still, it was a close call. The members 
voted 35 to 24 to recommend that 
sodomy be “removed from the list of 
crimes against the peace and dignity of 
the state." 

The Institute stated that the Model 
Penal Code would "not attempt to use 
the power of the state to enforce purely 


moral or religious standards. We deem it 
inappropriate for the government to at- 
tempt to control behavior that has no 
substantial significance except as to the 
morality of the actor. Such matters are 
best left to religious, educational and 
other influences.” 

With the publication of the code, a 
major offensive in the sexual revolution 
began. Illinois became the first state to 
repeal its sodomy statute, while odd- 
ly leaving in place statutes against for- 
nication and adultery. Near the end 
of the decade three more states—Ore- 
gon, Montana and Connecticut—would 
adopt more-tolerant sex statutes, Others 
would follow. 

Hefner devoted two entire install- 
ments of The Playboy Philosophy (February 
and March 1964) to the absurdity of 
state sex laws. As a graduate student, he 
had first expressed his concern in aterm 
paper titled “Sex Behavior and the U.S. 
Law,” written in 1950. Now he used the 
full power of the magazine to press for 
acceptance of more-liberal legislation. 
“No human act between two people is 
more intimate, more private, more per- 
sonal than sex,” he wrote. “And one 
would assume that a democratic society 
that prides itself on freedom of the indi- 
vidual, whose Declaration of Indepen- 
dence proclaims the right of every citi- 
zen to life, liberty and the pursuit of 
happiness, and whose Constitution guar- 
antees the separation of church and 
state, would be deeply concerned with 
any attempted infringement of liberty in 
this most private act.” 

The following month he continued: 
“America is presumably the land of the 
free and the home of the brave. But our 
legislators, our judges and our officers of 
law enforcement are allowed to enter 
our most private inner sanctuaries—our 
bedrooms—and dictate the activity that 
takes place there.” 

Other media that covered the ALI ini- 
tiative downplayed the importance of re- 
form. The statutes under attack admit- 
tedly seemed a little out of date in dusty 
law books, but how many people got ar- 
rested? A Time story on the original ALI 
initiative in 1955 had pointed out that 
actual enforcement was limited. In a sin- 
gle year, the editors noted, only 267 peo- 
ple had been arrested for adultery. Bos- 
ton led the way with 242 arrests. 

When Connecticut considered the 
Model Penal Code, New Haven police 
chief James Ahern claimed, “We hardly 
ever make a morals arrest anymore.” 
‘The numbers seemed to back him up. 
Time reported that from 1965 to 1968, 
the number of prosecutions for forni- 
cation and lascivious carriage had 
dropped from 1048 to 349. 

One policeman explained what justi- 
fied an arrest: “When you see a black 
boy and a white girl together, well, you 
just know what's going on.” 

Hefner objected to state interference 


on principle. But he needed an individ- 
ual case to drive the point home. In 1965 
the magazine received a letter from 
Donn Caldwell, a radio disc jockey in 
West Virginia who was serving a ten- 
year sentence for committing “a crime 
against nature.” 

In Caldwell's case the act was fellatio 
with a teenage fan. Local authori 
threatened the girl with prosecution if 
she didn’t testify against Caldwell. Upon 
Caldwell's conviction, the judge ignored 
a psychiatric evaluation of the defen- 
dant that recommended leniency and, 
denying bail, remarked that he consid- 
ered oral sex to be as serious a crime as 
murder. 

It was this case that prompted Hefner 
to establish the Playboy Foundation as 
the activist arm of The Playboy Philosophy. 
“To put our money where our mouth 
was,” he said. 

The outpouring of sympathy for Cald- 
well from PLAYBOY readers and in the 
West Virginia press supported a success- 
ful appcal of the conviction, funded by 
the Foundation. It was the first in a sc- 
ries of such cases, including one that led 
to the release ofa husband who was serv- 
ing a two- to 14-year sentence for having 
consensual anal sex with his wife in Indi- 
ana. After a marital spat, the wife had 
been persuaded by a neighbor to accuse 
the husband of the “abominable and de- 
testable crime against nature.” After the 
couple reconciled, the wife tried to with- 
draw the charge only to be told she was 
no longer the plaintiff. “The State of In- 
diana is the plaintiff. 

The Playboy Foundation also helped 
free a young girl who was arrested, at 
her father's request, for fornication. His 
philosophy: “Га rather see her in jail 
than debauched.” 

Over the years, the Playboy Founda- 
tion supplied funding for a series of cas- 
es involving birth control, abortion and 
sexual behavior. It made significant con- 
tributions to sex research (the Kinsey In- 
stitute, Masters and Johnson), sex edu- 
cation (sIECUS) and other controversial 
causes, as well as to civil rights and anti- 
war initiatives. The Foundation also pro- 
vided the initial funding for NORML's 
campaign to decriminalize marijuana. 

Tiny skirmishes at first, the fights for 
the right to privacy would turn into a 
full-scale crusade. 


THE RIGHT TO PRIVACY 


On November 10, 1961 police arrest- 
ed Estelle Griswold, the executive direc- 
tor of the Planned Parenthood League 
of Connecticut, and Dr. Charles Lee 
Buxton, a physician at the New Ha- 
ven Planned Parenthood clinic. Their 
crimes? They had given birth control in- 
formation, instruction and advice to 
married couples. The clinic had been 
open for nine days. 

The law that they had broken might 
as well have been drafted by Anthony 


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Comstock, the Connecticut-born Puritan 
who had raised so much hell at the turn 
of the century. It read: “Any person who 
uses any drug, medicinal article or in- 
strument for the purpose of preventing 
conception shall be fined not less than 
$50 or imprisoned not less than 60 days 
nor more than one year, or be both fined 
and imprisoned.” 

The case arrived before a Supreme 
Court that had already accepted the 
ALI's concept of public and private 
res of sex. On June 7, 1965 Justices 
iam O. Douglas and Arthur Gold- 
berg, writing for the majority, declared 
that marital sex was clearly protected by 
a right to privacy. 

"Would we allow the police to search 
the sacred precincts of marital bedrooms 
for telltale signs of the use of contracep- 
tives?” wrote the Court. "Ihe very idea 
is repulsive to the notions of privacy sur- 
rounding the marriage relationship." 

Justice Douglas waxed poetic. "We 
deal with a right of privacy older than 
the Bill of Rights—older than our politi- 
cal parties, older than our school system. 
Marriage is a coming together for better 
or for worse, hopefully enduring and in- 
timate to the degree of being sacred." 

In a concurring opinion Justice Gold- 
berg invoked a definition of privacy first 
outlined by Justice Louis Brandeis in a 
1928 case: “The makers of our Coi 
tution undertook to secure conditions 
favorable to the pursuit of happiness. 
"They sought to protect Americans in 
their beliefs, their thoughts, their emo- 
tions and their sensations. They con- 
ferred as against the government, the 
right to be let alone—the most compre- 
hensive of rights and the right most val- 
ued by civilized men." 

Justice Brandeis had carlier articulat- 
ed that thought in a dissenting opinion. 
Now the voice of the majority embraced 
the right to privacy. It was the first time 
the Justices used the Ninth Amendment 
to reflect “the collective conscience of 
our people" against both federal and 
state action. 

Not everyone was overwhelmed by the 
victory. The editors of Life wondered 
“what Thomas Jefferson would have 
thought of the Supreme Court's 
gloss on his immortal handiwork, 
right of privacy "may have an interest- 
ing future if the Court should apply 
it to such issues as wiretapping and 
homosexuality. 

The Court soon found additional use 
for the newly articulated right of priva- 
cy. Federal and state agents entered 
the home of Robert Eli Stanley, a sus- 
pected bookmaker, and found three 
reels of stag movies. They arrested Stan- 
ley for “knowingly having possession of 
obscene matter.” 

The Supreme Court overturned the 
conviction: “Whatever may be the justi- 
fications for other statutes regulating 
obscenity,” wrote Justice Thurgood 


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Marshall, “we do not think they reach in- 
to the privacy of one's own home. Ifthe 
First Amendment means anything, it 
means that a state has no business telling 
a man, sitting alone in his own house, 
what books he may read or what films 
he may watch. Our whole Constitutional 
heritage rebels at the thought of giving 
government the power to control men's 
minds." 


Two years after the Griswold Planned 
Parenthood case was decided, Bill Baird 
was arrested while lecturing to a crowd 
of students in Boston about contracep- 
tion. He had handed out samples of 
spermicidal foam to a female member of 
the audience, who may have been single. 

State law prohibited the distribution 
of articles designed to prevent concep- 
tion. Massachusetts argued that it had 
the right to protect morals through "reg- 
ulating the private sexual lives of single 
persons." 

The case would make its way to the 
Supreme Court, supported in part by 
funds from the Playboy Foundation. The 
Justices scoffed at the idea that the state 
could hold over its citizens the threat of 
pregnancy and the birth ofan unwanted 
child as punishment for fornication. In 
1972 the Court would argue: "If the 
right of privacy means anything, it is the 
right of the individual, married or sin- 
gle, to be free from unwarranted gov- 
eromental intrusion into matters su lun- 
damentally affecting a person as the 
оп whether to bear or beget a 


child. 

The following year, this rationale 
would provide a basis for one of the most 
controversial decisions of the century. In 
Roe us. Wade, the Court would extend 


the right of privacy to include a woman's 
right to getan abortion. 


LIBERATING THE LANGUAGE 


Hugh Hefner was not the only Ameri- 
can to turn a term paper into a publish- 
ing empire. In 1941, as a freshman at 
Swarthmore, Barney Rosset had written 
on “Henry Miller vs. Our Way of Life.” 

Rosset sided with the iconoclastic. As 
the head of Grove Press, he published 
the first unexpurgated U.S. edition of 
D.H. Lawrence's Lady Chatterley's Lover. 
Along battle had resulted in a surprising 
victory that would free language forever 
and remove the brown-paper wrapper 
from literary sex. 

In the Lady Chatterley case, lawyer 
Charles Rembar persuaded the Court 
that an appeal to sexual interest was dif- 
ferent from an appeal to prurient inter- 
est. To be sexually stimulated by a work 
of art was no crime. “A novel, no matter 
how much devoted to the act of sex, can 
hardly add to the constant sexual prod- 
ding with which our environment assails 
us,” argued Rembar. “Apart from the ev- 
idence offered, the Court may take judi- 
cial notice of the fact that our advertis- 
ing, our motion pictures, our television 
and our journalism are in large measure 
calculated to produce sexual thoughts 
and reactions. We live in a sea of sexual 
provocation.” 

Into this sea of provocation Rosset 
tossed more than two million copies of 
Tropic of Cuncer, Millci's exuberant at- 
count of a writer fucking his way across 
Paris. Published in 1934, the book had 
become an underground classic, smug- 
gled in from France by expatriates and 
students. 

The paperback topped the charts for 
two years, despite the fact that nervous 


dealers returned 600,000 copies. The 
book was banned in more than 19 cities 
and two states, as police visited book- 
stores, physically clearing shelves and in- 
timidating shop owners. 

Rosset promised to pay the legal costs 
of any bookseller arrested for offering 
the book. Defending Tropic would cost 
his company in excess of $250,000. 

Not all judges wanted to burn Tropic. 
In Chicago a professor at Northwestern 
University brought suit, claiming the po- 
lice had bullied bookstore owners into 
dropping the work, thus denying him 
his freedom to read. 

Judge Samuel Epstein weighed the 
content of the pornographic passages 
against the overall value of the book and 
decided against censorship, writing, 
“Let the parents control the reading 
matter of their children; let the tastes of 
the readers determine what they may or 
may not read; let not the government or 
the courts dictate the reading matter of 
a free people. The Constitutional free- 
doms of speech and press should be jeal- 
ously guarded by the courts. As a corol- 
lary to the freedoms of speech and press, 
there is also the freedom to read. The 
right to free utterances becomes a use- 
less privilege when the freedom to read 
is restricted or denied.” 

Judge Epstein became the target of 
crank calls and poison-pen letters. 
Catholics demanded that he be im- 
peached. The Illinois Supreme Court 
overruled his decision on June 18, 1964, 
only to change its mind four days later. 

On June 22, 1964 the U.S. Supreme 
Court declared that Topic of Cancer was 
not obscene. 

In years to come, critics and would-be 
censors of erotica would avoid the term 
obscenity, using in its place the even less 
well defined word pornography. A Jesuit 
labeled as pornography anything that 
caused “genital commotion.” Charles 
Rembar noted that, according to the law, 
literature was that which moved one 
above the waist. Porn was in the groin of 
the beholder. 

Next to rise through the judicial gant- 
let was John Cleland's Memoirs of a Wom- 
an of Pleasure—known simply as Fanny 
Hill. Published in 1749, Fanny was, ac- 
cording to an article in Time, “the first 
deliberately dirty novel in English." Ina 
decade in which Americans devoured 
everything English—from James Bond 
to the Beatles—Fanny Hill was hard to 
swallow. The Reverend Morton Hill of 
St. Ignatius Loyola in New York City 
went on a hunger strike, which ended 
when the mayor launched an antipor- 
nography drive. 

The prosecutor who tackled Fanny at- 
tacked the book thusly: “Described in 
lurid detail are repeated meticulous re- 
citals of sex acts, including acts of sexual 
perversion, set forth in a style which is 
a blow to the sense of the reader, and 
for the evident purpose of teaching the 


reader about sins ofimpurity and arous- 
ing him to libidinousness. In its 298 
pages, the book describes in detail in- 
stances of lesbianism, female masturba- 
tion, the deflowering of a virgin, the se- 
duction of a male virgin, the flagellation 
of male by female and female by male 
and other aberrant acts, as well as more 
than 90 acts of sexual intercourse be- 
tween male and female, some of which 
are committed in the open presence of 
numerous other persons, and some of 
which are instances of voyeurism." 
Fanny Hill won the court decision, 
upheld on appeal. Attorney Rembar had 
to fight the same battle in Massachu- 
setts and New Jersey, building a trial rec- 
ord of experts testifying that Fanny Hill 
possessed literary 
merit and psycho- 
logical value. When 
Fanny reached the 
Supreme Court, 
Rembar told the 
Justices that they 
did not even have to 
read the book—that 
both the critics and 
the lower courts felt 
the book had val- 
ue, thus placing it 
outside the reach of 
the law. The Court 


that they freed Fun- 
ny Hill, ihe Jusic- 
es sent publisher 
Ralph Ginzburg to 
jail. Ginzburg's soft- 
core quarterly, Eros, 
was not sexually ex- 
plicit nor patently 
offensive—but the 
way in which he ad- 
vertised the publica- 
tion seemed to con- 
vey the “leer of the 
sensualist.” 

According to the 
Court, Ginzburg 
had requested bulk- 
mailing privileges 
from Blue Ball, Pcnn- 
sylvania and Inter- 
course, Pennsylvania. Twice rejected, he 
was successful in his effort to mail five 
million advertisements for Eros from 
Middlesex, New Jersey. Ginzburg, said 
the Court, was an expert “in the shoddy 
business of pandering.” An outside ob- 
server remarked that Ginzburg's only 
crime was being a smartass. Not a very 
good reason for sending a man to prison 

But the floodgates had opened. By the 
end ofthe decade Fanny would be joined 
by Candy, The Story of O, The Memoirs of 
the Marquis de Sade, William Burroughs’ 
Naked Lunch and My Secret Life—as well 
as Sex Life of a Cop, Sex Kitten and College 
for Sinners. 

Philip Roth gave us Portnoy, with his 


fist flying, coming in the wrapper of a 
Mounds bar in the balcony of a theater, 
coming in an old sock, using a cored ap- 
ple as a masturbation aid, coming on liv- 
er (“I fucked my own family's dinner"), 
ejaculating on lightbulbs, exercising the 
only part of his body that was his, that 
was free 

Literature used sex as a window on 
the soul: Writers took us inside the sex 
act, filling it with other meanings. The 
hero of John Updike's Couples would 
muse on oral sex: “To eat another is sa- 
cred.” The protagonist of Norman Mai- 
ler's An American Dream would murder 
his wife, then sodomize the maid, expe- 
riencing “the pure prong of desire to 
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Kate Millett would find in that three- 
page scene the seeds of her feminist 
manifesto Sexual Politics. Where some 
women found liberation in the sex act, 
others found a microcosm of oppression. 

Sexual writing revealed what Malcolm 
Cowley had called the secret language of 
men—"words that were used in the 
smoking room, in the barroom, in the 
barbershop"—words that no respectable 
woman would admit knowing. Now 
those words came to symbolize for some 
not freedom but the howls of the beast. 


KEATING AND THE CDL. 


The battle over obscenity was not lim- 
ited to courtrooms and the dry argu- 


ments of lawyers and judges. Barney 
Rosset would walk to work one day and 
find that someone had thrown a grenade 
into the Manhattan offices of Evergreen 
Review magazine, a product of Grove 
Press that combined erotica with left- 
wing politics. 

As free expression gained support in 
the courts, there were those who orga- 
nized new forms of repression. In 1958 
Charles Keating, a Catholic businessman 
in Cincinnati, created Citizens for De- 
cent Literature. By 1964 there were 200 
chapters of the CDL scattered across the 
country. By 1965 300 chapters claimed 
a combined membership of 100,000. 
Some 1000 delegates would attend a 
CDL conference in 1965. 

Keating was an 
odd bird. Charles 
Bowden and Mi- 
chael Binstein, au- 
thors of Trust Me: 
Charles Keating and 
the Missing Billions, 
report that when 
Keating met Mary 
Elaine Fette, the 
woman who would 
become his wife, 
he took her to a 
striptease joint. He 
pounded a cane on 
the floor, shouting, 
“Take it off. Take it 
off.” But he would 
“not let Mary Elaine 
lift her eyes and see 
the naked woman 
who dances before 
them.” 

In the Fifties, the 
local FBI office brief- 
ly investigated Keat- 
ing for possible 
fraud and espio- 
nage (involving a 
deal with atomic sci- 
entists) and warned 
1. Edgar Hoover to 
distance himself 
from Keating. More 
than one state 
looked at the s 
cost-to-cause ratio, 
and decided that the group was raising 
money for self-indulgence, not decency. 

Keating was a one-man crusade. Be- 
fore a speech he would cruise news- 
stands to buy Love's Lash, Sensational Step 
Daughter and Lesbian Lust. He would 
wave magazines in the faces of church 
groups, offer to read the most offensive 
passages aloud to congressmen. By 1969 
he had recruited four senators and 70 
representatives to the honorary commit- 
tee of the CDL. The authors of Trust Me 
point out that one of those, Representa- 
tive Donald Lukens, would be convicted 
20 years later of having sex with a minor. 

Delegates to conventions got to stroll 


through the CDEs private stash of smut: 187 


THE PEOPLE BEHIND THE PILL 


how one woman's dream changed sex—and the church 


Margaret Sanger, the grande 
dame of birth control, was 71 in 1950 
when she sought out an old benefac- 
tor, Katharine McCormick, 75, a true 
believer who had helped smuggle di- 
aphragms into the U.S. during the 
‘Twenties. What Sanger wanted was 
a perfect contraceptive, something 
as simple as aspirin, that women 
could take to prevent unwanted 
pregnancies. 

Sanger and McCormick went 
shopping for a scientist. Sang- 
er contacted Gregory Pincus 
at the Worcester Founda- 
tion in Massachusetts. 

Pincus had experimented 

with the effects of hor- 
mones on rabbits. A single 
dose of progesterone, he 
found, stopped ovulation in 90 
percent of the rabbits tested. 

On June 8, 1953 McCormick 
visited the Foundation, promised 
Pincus $10,000 a year and soon gave 
him $50,000 from her family fortune 
to build an animal lab. Over the 
years, McCormick's contributions 
grew to between $125,000 and 
$180,000 a year. Faced with the 
prospect of using hormones in hu- 
man research, Pincus brought in Dr. 
John Rock, who was one of the na- 
tion’s leading gynecologists. Dr. Rock 
had been using progesterone to aid 
fertility. He had noticed that women 
who took progesterone stopped ovu- 
lating. Rock wondered if, by giving 
the reproductive system a rest, he 
could cure sterility. About 16 percent 
of the women who took proges- 
terone and then stopped became 
pregnant. (The effect was called 
the Rock Rebound.) 

Progesterone works by tricking 
the body into believing it is preg- 
nant. Many of the women who took 
progesterone believed that they ac- 
tually were pregnant. Their breasts 
swelled, they experienced nausea 
and they stopped having periods. 

One of Pincus’ first suggestions 
was to interrupt the doses of proges- 
terone. Women would take the Pill 
for 20 days, stop, menstruate, then 
go back on it. All the other delightful 
side effects of being a little bit preg- 
nant would persist. 

Pincus and Rock conducted ex- 
periments in Puerto Rico in the late 
Fifties. Rock contacted women who 


had already given birth and asked if 
they wanted to test a pill that would 
prevent pregnancy. In the first test of 
221 women, not one became preg- 
nant. Sanger had her magic pill, one 
that would make birth control the re- 
sponsibility of the individual. At last, 
‘women were masters of their repro- 
ductive fates, Well, almost. 


Further trials showed one caveat: 
The Pill was effective only when used 
properly. Vern Bullough recounts in 
Science in. the Bedroom, “Twenty-five 
women had quit taking the pill ei- 
ther because they were frightened by 
the side effects or because their 
priest or personal physician advised 
them against it. Others appeared to 
have been confused about what they 
were supposed to do. One woman 
took the tablets only when her hus- 
band was not traveling. Another, 
who became pregnant, complained 
that the pills had not worked at all, 
even though she had made her hus- 
band take them every day.” 

John Rock, one of the fathers of 
the Pill, was a devout Catholic. He 
not only risked arrest in Massachu- 
setts—a state that outlawed all con- 
traceptive devices—but also was 
threatened with excommunication 
for developing a form of birth con- 
trol that appeared to violate Catholic 
doctrine. In 1930 Pope Pius XI is- 
sued an encyclical, Casti Connubii 
(on Christian Marriage), in which he 
prohibited the use of artificial con- 
traception: “Since the conjugal act is 
destined primarily by nature for the 
begetting of children, those who in 
exercising it deliberately frustrate its 
natural power and purpose sin 
against nature. Any use whatsoever 
of matrimony exercised in such a 
way that the act is deliberately frus- 
trated in its natural power to gener- 


ate life is an offense against the law of 
God and of nature, and those who 
indulge in such are branded with the 
guilt of a grave sin.” 

But the Pope left a door open. 
Married persons who had inter- 
course but who for “natural reasons 
either of time or of certain defects” 
could not bring forth new life did 
not sin. The rhythm method, timing 
intercourse to a “safe” period, was 

not an obvious sin. 

In 1963 Rock published The 
Time Has Come: A Catholic 
Doctor's Proposals to End the 
Battle Over Birth Control. He 
argued that the Pill was not 
artificial, that it duplicated 
nature in its effects on a 
woman's body and that it did 
not destroy organs nor block se- 
men artificially, Itwas a form of con- 
traception that controlled time. If 
the rhythm method was moral, then 
a pill that expanded the “safe peri- 
od” was also moral. In a world devas- 
tated by the population explosion, 
limiting conception was a moral 

choice that could not be ignored. 

Briefly, Pope John XXIII held out 
hope. He convened the Papal Com- 
mission on Population, the Family 
and Natality in June 1963. In June 
1966 the theological scholars study- 
ing the РШ moral challenge voted 
for a change in the Church's teach- 
ing—by a margin of 60 to 4. 

On July 29, 1968 Pope Paul VI is- 
sued Humanae Vitae. As deciphered 
by Loretta McLaughlin, the message 
was this: “Every sex act must remain 
open to the transmission of life. Man 
does not have total dominion over 
his sex organs, because they are 
God's instruments for new life.” 

‘The decision was a tragedy. Father 
Andrew Greeley surveyed American 
Catholics: In 1964, 45 percent ap- 
proved of artificial contraception; by 
1974 the figure would be 83 per- 
cent—a startling rejection of Hu- 
manae Vitae. “We don't speculate that 

decline was the 
" wrote Gree- 
ley, “nor do we 
prove it with the kind of certainty 
one rarely attains in historical analy- 
ses. Historians of the future will 
judge Humanae Vitae to be one of 
the worst mistake: in the history of 
Catholic Christianity.” 


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nudist magazines, paperbacks, a year- 
book showing high school students read- 
ing rLavsov and, finally, a cheap novel 
called Youth Against Obscenity. The novel 
claimed to be an exposé of a CDL-type 
movement: “In the crowded auditorium 
they preached and screamed about ob- 
scenity in magazines, but on secluded 
beaches and in private bedrooms they 
enjoyed their sex in about every imagin- 
able way.” 

Keating cloaked his crusade in ароса 
lyptic visions. On a 1963 television show 
called News Impact: Eyes of the Storm he 
said, “If the filth peddlers are allowed to 
freely infiltrate and deprave our com- 
munity, pervert an entire generation, 
they have their way, then I think our civ- 
ilization is doomed, as 16 of the 19 major 
civilizations in the history of the world 
have been doomed.” 

Hefner called attention to the CDL in 
the twelfth installment of the Philoso- 
phy, calling it a front for the National 
Organization for Decent Literature, a 
Catholic group that had tried to expand 
its power from declaring books unfit 
for Catholics to banning books for all 
denominations. 

Keating was a classic fearmonger. He 
told Congress that mail-order porn 
“causes premarital intercourse, perver- 
sion, masturbation in boys and wanton- 
ness in girls and weakens the morality of 
all it contacts.” 

He dismissed the expertise of Kinsey 
and sexologists Eberhard and Phyllis 
Kronhausen, claiming that they wanted 
only to disseminate “dirty bleatings and 
pagan ideas.” 

He embodied the 19th century atti- 
tude toward masturbation. “I take for 
granted that most people think that it is 
a very bad thing and very dangerous to 
the physical and mental health and the 
moral welfare of the people who have 
the habit,” he testified. “But we had a 
psychiatrist [a defense witness for adult 
magazines] on the stand in Cincinnati 
recently who said, ‘Sure, these maga- 
zines stimulate the average person to 
sexual activity, but it would be sexual ac- 
tivity which would have a legitimate out- 
let." The prosecutor said to him, ‘Doctor, 
what is a legitimate or socially acceptable 
outlet for an 18-year-old unmarried 
boy?’ The doctor answered, ‘Masturba- 
tion.’ When you are met with that kind 
of situation, you begin to wonder.” 

Keating traveled from city to city, en- 
couraging and inciting militant action, 
letter-writing campaigns and good old- 
fashioned political pressure. One news- 
paper gave the CDL credit for 400 ar- 
rests, among them those of Lenny Bruce 
and Hugh Hefner: 


HE DIED FOR OUR SINS 


Lenny Bruce’s bawdy, unabashed hu- 
mor had attracted the attention of police 
in San Francisco, Los Angeles, Chicago 
and New York. Yes, he used words such 


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PLAYBOY 


as cocksucker and talked about men 
fucking mud. But he raised serious is- 
sues about sexual morality, religion and 
other subjects of controversy. Hefner 
could write about the same topics in the 
privacy of his Mansion. Bruce was in 
your face, and he paid the price. 

The Chicago bust in December 1962 
at the Gate of Horn nightclub was clear- 
ly religiously motivated. Bruce took on 
organized religion with lines such as 
“Let's get out of the churches and back 
to religion.” 

Police also threatened Alan Ribback, 
the owner of the Gate of Horn. After the 
bust, one of the cops cornered Ribback 
and told him, “I want to tell you that if 
this man ever uses a four-letter word in 
this club again, I'm going to pinch you 
and everyone in here. If he ever speaks 
against religion, I'm going to pinch you 
and everyone in here. Do you under- 
stand? I’m speaking as a Catholic. I 
am here to tell you your license is in 
danger.” 

Lenny Bruce was the last victim of the 
blacklist mentality, one of the last politi- 
cal prisoners of the sexual revolution. 
The Gate of Horn bust and others that 
followed made him unemployable. The 
collusion of state and church deprived 
him of the right to work, the right to 
speak, the right to live. He died of a 
drug overdose in 1966. After his death, 
higher courts overruled his convictions, 
but it was too late. 


HEFNER IN HANDCUFFS 


Hefner became the target of behind- 
the-scenes CDL intrigue in June 1963. 
One late afternoon, police rousted him. 
out of bed and charged him with pub- 
lishing and distributing an obscene pub- 
lication. The obscenity in question? Pic- 
tures of a nude Jayne Mansfield from 
the film Promises, Promises! 

Chicago Corporate Counsel John Me- 
laniphy claimed that captions describing 
the actress as "she writhes about seduc- 
tively,” or as “gyrating,” aroused "pruri- 
ent interests and defeat any claim of art." 

Say what? The Supreme Court had 
held that nudity was nort in itself ob- 
scene. The city fathers surely knew that, 
but Melaniphy went ahead with the ar- 
rest and subsequent legal charade to ap- 
pease the CDL. At least one newspaper 
detected the ruse. An article in The New 
Crusader declared: “The Citizens for De- 
cent Literature, a group of Victorian 
housewives, still smarüng from the ef- 
fects ofa recent edition of PLAYBOY maga- 
zine's Philosophy that hailed the Supreme 
Court for liberalizing obscenity tests, 
prevailed upon the office of John Melan- 
iphy, city prosecutor, to secure a warrant 
for Hefner.” The creation of an enemies 
list was central to the CDL. 

In 1968 Chief Justice Earl Warren vol- 
unteered to step down during the cur- 
rent term so that President Lyndon 


170 Johnson could promote Jústice Abe For- 


tas to the top spot. The CDL arranged a 
counteroffensive that became known as 
the Fortas Obscene Film Festival. Collar- 
ing legislators and members of the me- 
dia, the CDL projected Target Smut, a 
35mm slide-and-film history of 26 Su- 
preme Court decisions that were, it said, 
“directly responsible for the prolifera- 
tion of obscenity in this country.” Sena- 
tors got to view films such as Flaming 
Creatures ( Jack Smith’s classic tribute to 
transvestites) and assorted porn loops. 

Senator Strom Thurmond acted as 
projectionist, feeding quarters to a coin- 
operated movie projector. Bruce Allen 
Murphy, author of Fortas: The Rise and 
Ruin of a Supreme Court Justice, tells how 
some 20 reporters and editors watched 
as “an attractive young girl was doing a 
striptease down to her garter belt and 
transparent panties. For 14 minutes the 
actress undressed and writhed erotically, 
with the camera repeatedly focusing on 
various parts of her anatomy, ensuring 
that no viewer missed the point.” 

Edward De Grazia, in Girls Lean Back 
Everywhere, credits Keating and the CDL 
for renewing a national crusade against 
obscenity. Within the course of a year, 
lawmakers introduced 23 bills targeting 
smut. Columnist James Kilpatrick would 
say: “Boil the issue down to this lip-lick- 
ing slut, writhing carnally on a sofa, 
while a close-up camera dwells lascivi- 
ously on her genitals. Free speech? Free 
press? Is this what the Constitution 
means?” 

The CDL helped to block the Fortas 
nomination. Under pressure from reli- 
gious groups, Lyndon Johnson appoint- 
ed a National Commission on Obscenity 
and Pornography. Social scientists would 
spend nearly $3 million in the first seri- 
ous study of the presumed effects of ex- 
plicit erotica. President Richard Nixon 
declared the Commission “morally 
bankrupt.” Upon election he declared, 
“So long as I am in the White House 
there will be no relaxation of the nation- 
al effort to control and eliminate smut 
from our national life.” 

In one of his first acts in office, Nix- 
on appointed Charles Keating to the 
Commission. 


1 AM CURIOUS 


‚America witnessed a changing of the 
censorial guard. As the CDL gained 
power, the old order of Catholic blue- 
noses, the Legion of Decency, disband- 
ed. Formed in the Thirties, the Legion 
had once been able to fill the streets of 
Chicago with 70,000 followers carrying 
signs that read AN ADMISSION TICKET TO 
AN INDECENT MOVIE IS AN ADMISSION TICKET. 
TO HELL. 

The Legion forced Hollywood to en- 
force the Motion Picture Production 
Code that banned sexuality from the 
screen, During the Fifties, the power of 
the Code had been challenged—first by 
artful foreign films, then by adventurous 


American directors. 

Monsignor Little, the executive secre- 
tary of the Legion, retired in late 1965, 
saying that he preferred “to die in the 
stations of the cross, not looking at Gina 
Lollobrigida.” 

In 1965 when Sidney Lumet directed 
The Pawnbroker, the film was denied Pro- 
duction Code approval, and was banned 
by the Legion of Decency (which would 
soon call itself the National Catholic Of- 
fice for Motion Pictures). The film was a 
serious study of a Jew haunted by his ex- 
periences in a Nazi prison camp. A criti- 
cal scene showed a black prostitute bar- 
ing her breasts for Rod Steiger. The 
event triggered a flashback to a concen- 
tration camp scene, where Steiger's 
character had been forced to watch his 
wife be raped by soldiers. History had 
one truth, the Production Code another. 
Since 1934 Hollywood films had includ- 
ed nota hint of nudity. What made this 
ludicrous was that nudity was now com- 
monplace in independent and foreign 
films and in mainstream magazines such 
as PLAYBOY. 

Lumet appealed. The Motion Picture 
Association of America relented. The 
MPAA scrapped the Production Code, 
replacing it with a simple formula “de- 
signed to keep in close harmony with the 
mores, the culture, the moral sense and 
the expectations of our society.” Jack 
Valenti introduced a warning for films 
that were “suggested for mature audi 
ences only.” 

To get a sense of the arc of the Sixties, 
consider the careers of individual stars. 
Natalie Wood, having grown from the 
little girl in Miracle on 34th Street, began 
the decade with the steamy Splendor in 
the Grass. She played a teenager driven 
to attempt suicide by social taboos that 
forbade an illicit affair with Warren 
Beatty. (Offscreen the two consummated 
the relationship and broke up Natalie's 
marriage to Robert Wagner) In 1969 
she played a would-be spouse-swapper 
in Paul Mazursky's hilarious look at ex- 
tramarital sex, Вор ts Carol ë Ted & Alice. 
(The film depicts middle-aged couples 
trying to pass as swingers and gave us 
the memorable line: “OK, first we'll have 
nd then we'll go see Tony 


Jane Fonda debuted in Tall Story in 
1960—a light comedy about a cheer- 
leader who goes to college to catch a hus- 
band. But she followed that with the role 
of a prostitute in Walk on the Wild Side, 
and the sci-fi fantasy Barbarella, made in 
France for Roger Vadim in 1968. The 
movie opens with a weightless striptease, 
then follows Fonda through one sexual 
misadventure after another. Strapped 
into a torture device called the Excess 
Pleasure Machine, she defeats the villain 
(and destroys the machine) with the best 
orgasm scene since Hedy Lamarr's tri- 
umphant Ecstasy. 


Hollywood filmmakers were still ner- 
vous about sex and nudity; they would 
imply oral sex and impotence in a film 
like Bonnie and Clyde, but celebrate new 
levels of explicit violence. 

Foreign films filled the art theaters 
and we saw things we had never seen be- 
fore. Oliver Reed and Alan Bates wres- 
Пед naked in Women in Love. Michel- 
angelo Antonioni’s Blow-Up provided 
a glimpse of pubic hair when David 
Hemmings wrestled with two models in 
a photo studio. / Am Curious (Yellow) 
showed an unabashedly nude Lena Ny 
man casually stroking Börje Ahlstedt's 
postcoital penis, not to mention simulat- 
ed intercourse in trees and ponds and 
on city streets. These examples are viv- 
id because they are rare. While major 
writers explored themes such as mas- 
turbation, sodomy and sadomasochism, 
filmmakers tested boundaries, then with- 
drew from the field. 

Independent filmmakers tackled nu- 
dity head-on. The phenomenon was 
most visible on the grindhouse circuit— 
the outlaw theaters that showed Adults 
Only fare. Russ Meyer created a whole 
genre of “nudie cuties,” beginning with 
196075 The Immoral Mr. Teas. The hero 
had the uncanny ability to undress wom- 
en with his eyes—a simple enough plot, 
on which Meyer hung the sort of pin-up 
nudity found in rLavboY. Indeed, Mey- 
er had worked as a photographer for 
PLAYBOY. His wife, star and co producer, 
Eve Meyer, was Miss June 1955. He 
churned out films that featured big- 
breasted women and square-jawed men, 
with titles such as Eve and the Handyman, 
Lorna, Mondo Topless, Mudhoney and Fast- 
er Pussycat, Kill! Kill! Nudity filled the- 
aters by showing what television and 
mainstream films could not—the naked 
female form. 

The nudie cutie films created stars 
such as Marsha Jordan. According to the 
authors of Grindhouse, “She had no 
qualms about doing Adults Only movies 
because at the time it meant she only had 
to show her body, not do anything par- 
ticular with it. Within a few years Jordan 
was headlining films by most of the ma- 
jor Adults Only producers: The Golden 
Box, Lady Godiva Rides, Brand of Shame, 
Office Love-In—through them all Marsha 
performed make-believe sex with nu- 
merous men and women.” 

Hollywood sex stars from the Fifties 
such as Jayne Mansfield and Mamie Van 
Doren made similar films, baring all in 
Promises, Promises! and Three Nuts in 
Search of a Bolt when their careers began 
to fade. 

And the nudie cuties provided a train- 
ing ground for filmmakers. Before 
cis Coppola completed studies at UC 
he directed Tonight for Sure—a nudie 
Western. 

But something else was going on in 
the grindhouses. When real sex is taboo, 


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172 


the impulse becomes perverted and 
crops up in bizarre, fetishistic images. A 
whole legion of films called roughies 
subjected the female form to abuse. Ed- 
die Muller and Daniel Faris, in Grind- 
house, explain the thinking behind a film 
called Blood Feast: “In 1963 the sight of 
a single pubic hair could bring out the ri- 
ot squad. A penis penetrating a vagina? 
Showing that was absolutely inconceiv- 
able. But what about a Knife? Or better 
yet, an ax?” The film starred fresh-faced 
Playmate Connie Mason and featured 
dismemberment and blood-splat- 
tered human sacrifice. Blood Feast, of 
course, made millions. 

Film fare became kinkier. White Slaves 
of Chinatown (1964) would show young 
girls manacled and whipped by Olga 
the dominatrix. Olga returned with her 
whip in Olga's House of Shame. Nazis ap- 
peared as sadistic beasts in Love Camp 7 
to torture female prisoners. 

The animosity was not directed solely 
at women. As the authors of Grindhouse 
point out, sometimes the victims were 
men. Lila, the heroine of Mantis in Lace, 
was billed as “just another psycho strip- 
per with a meat ax.” 

During the silent era, mainstream 
filmmakers had combined sex and hor- 
ror. Low-budget horror films had placed 
women at risk for decades. Alfred Hitch- 
cock traumatized a whole generation 
with the unforgettable shower scene in 
his 1960 hit Psycho. He left a great deal to 
the imagination. But by the end of the 
decade, filmmakers built slow-motion 
ballets of blood and bullets in Bonnie and 
Clyde and The Wild Bunch. 

Тот Wolfe called it pornoviolence. 


“In the new pornography,” he wrote, 
“the theme is not sex. The new pornog- 
raphy depicts practitioners acting out 
another murkier drive: people staving 
teeth in, ripping guts open, blowing 
brains out and getting even with all 
those bastards.” 

He traced the phenomenon to the af- 
tershock of the Kennedy assassination, 

cessant replay, with every recover- 
able clinical detail, of those less than five 
seconds in which a man got his head 
blown off." 

"The authors of Grindhouse make the 
same point: "Before the rifle's report 
had faded. the nation seemed hopelessly 
lost in nightmarish terrain. The jungles 
of southeast Asia consumed American 
boys, and no one could explain why. 
Robert Kennedy, Malcolm X and Martin 
Luther King Jr. were all murdered by 
gunfire. Outraged African Americans 
tore apart Watts. Paranoia struck deep. 
Conspiracy theories suggested that may- 
be we weren't the good guys anymorc. 
Charles Manson babbled and fresh- 
faced California girls slaughtered people 
for him. With all this roiling through the 
culture, is it any wonder that Adults On- 
ly movies, almost overnight, went from 
bouncy frolics to brutal rapes?” 

Jack Valenti responded to the tumult 
by creating a new rating system for Hol- 
lywood films, dividing them into four 
categories: G, PG, R and X. The last cat- 
egory proved to bea mistake. The MPAA 
wanted a rating system that would allow 
legitimate filmmakers to tackle mature 
topics without their works being con- 
fused with Adults Only exploitation 
flicks. The rating scheme backfired. 


“We appreciate your contribution, but 
to leave a more rounded depiction of our pursuits as a society, 
we want a wall of babes.” 


Midnight Cowboy, John Schlesinger's 
tale of a hustler, earned an X. The film 
proved that sex and excellence were not 
mutually exclusive. Midnight Cowboy won 
three Academy Awards. 

Russ Meyer filmed the soft-core Vixen 
for $72,000, slapped on his own X and 
took the rating all the way to the bank. 
(The film grossed $6 million in two 
years.) 

The independent filmmakers usurped 
the X rating. By the next decade, X and 
XXX would represent hard-core. The X 
floated like crosshairs on a scope—it was 
only a matter of time before a film would 
go all the way. 


GAY POWER 


If sex was the politics of the Sixties, it 
wasn't a two-party system. The chang- 
es that swept the country—the revolu- 
tions toward racial equality and gender 
equality—took longer to liberate sexu- 
al minorities. 

The numbers started small. At the 
beginning of the decade, the San Fran- 
cisco chapter of the Mattachine So- 
ciety (viewed as a gay counterpart to 
the NAACP and the Anti-Defamation 
League) could claim 200 members. Its 
monthly magazine, filled with articles 
and fiction on homosexuality, reached 
2500 readers. A Los Angeles-based mag- 
azine, One, reached 5000. 

The growing awareness of the gay 
community сап be waced iu headlines. 
A September 11, 1963 issuc of The Chris- 
tian Century asks: HOMOSEXUALITY: SIN OR 
DISEASE? 

By the end of that year, The New York 
Times would assign a reporter to cover 
“the city's most sensitive open secret" — 
that gays had become visible. In 1964 
Life published “The Gay World Takes to 
the City Streets"—Aa pictorial essay on 
modern gay life, complete with an article 
that seemed like a road map to the terri- 
tory staked out by homosexuals. John 
D'Emilio and Estelle Freedman, the au- 
thors of Intimate Matters, suggest that the 
media created beacons for gays—these 
exposés sparked migrations to Green- 
wich Village, Times Square, Chicago's 
Bughouse Square, Hollywood's Selma 
Avenue, San Francisco (which had more 
than 30 gay bars), and the warmer 
climes of New Orleans and Miami. 

Increased visibility in turn began to 
draw more gays from the closet. In 1967 
The New York Times Magazine ran an arti- 
cle that proclaimed: “A Four Million Mi- 
nority Asks for Equal Rights.” 

Drew Shafer, an officer of the North 
American Homophiles Conference, de- 
clared: “The average homosexual is a 
person who spends his entire life in hid- 
ing. He would really like to feel like a cit- 
izen, like every other person, Not ill but 
free. Areal human being.” 

According to Shafer, a gay person 
wants “to be free to pursue homosexual 


love, free to serve in the armed forces, 
free to hold a job or advance in his pro- 
fession, free to champion the cause of 
homosexuality.” 

Shafer also championed the cause of 
gay marriage, but the Times conclud- 
ed that “professional scholars of homo- 
sexual culture cannot foresee any insti 
tutional equivalent of matrimony for 
homosexuals. The average homosexual 
marriage lasts at most three or four 
years.” 

Gays picketed the White House and 
began to forge political alliances. In 1955 
the ALI had voted to decriminalize gay 
sex: “No harm to the secular interests of 
the community is involved in atypical 
sexual practice in private between con- 
senting adult partners. This area of pri- 
vate morals is the distinctive concern of 
spiritual authorities 

In 1967 the ACLU would come out for 
gay rights, saying: “The state has a legit- 
imate interest in controlling, by criminal 
sanctions, public solicitation for sexual 
acts, and particularly sexual practices 
where a minor is concerned,” but that 
“the right of privacy should extend to all 
private sexual conduct and should not 
be a matter for invoking penal statutes.” 

By the end of the decade gays had be- 
gun to take their place at the cultural 
table, The play and subsequent movie 
The Boys in the Band presented a thought- 
provoking portrait of homosexual men. 

And gays found unexpected allies. 
The National Institute of Mental Health 
formed a task force on Human Sexuali- 
ty, with a “special focus on homosexu- 
ашу” The FBI, which for years had 
hounded gays under J. Edgar Hoover's 
Sex Deviants program, broke up a 70- 
man antigay extortion ring. Gang mem- 
bers would entice victims into hotel 
rooms, then associates would break in 
posing as police officers. According to 
The New York Times the victims included 
“two deans of Eastern universities, sever- 
al professors, business executives, a mo- 
tion picture actor, a television personali- 
ty, a California physician, a general and 
an admiral, a member of Congress, a 
British theatrical producer and two well- 
known singers.” ‘To maintain silence, the 
victims (some 700 homosexuals and bi- 
sexuals scattered across the U.S.) had 
paid hundreds of thousands of dollars. 

A gay man's sexual preference came 
fully equipped with paranoia. Articles 
pointed out what gays had known 
throughout the Fifties—that every ap- 
proach might result in arrest, humilia- 
tion or worse. 

Police might claim tolerance, and 
point to declining arrest statistics. (Be- 
tween 1965 and 1969 annual arrests 
dropped from 800 a year to fewer than 
80 in New York.) Illinois may have de- 
criminalized sodomy in 1961, but Chica- 
go police still made 100 arrests in one 
year for public solicitation. Los Angeles 


police, armed with an educational pam- 
phlet that warned that homosexuals 
wanted “a fruit world,” made 3069 ar- 
rests in 1963. A “token number,” said In- 
spector James Fisk. 


On June 28, 1969 a squad of police en- 
tered a bar in Greenwich Village. The 
Stonewall Inn on Christopher Street was 
a well-known gathering place for gay 
men, lesbians and transvestites. It was 
said that the owners of the bar paid off 
the police; that in return, the police 
staged only token raids in which they 
would stop the dancing, ask for IDs and 
cart off the most vivid of the queens. But 
the raid on June 28 broke the pattern for 
all time. 

Angry patrons filed out of the bar, on- 
ly to linger in Sheridan Square. They 
picked up rocks, bottles and garbage 
and began to hurl them at the bar and 
the startled officers still inside. The cops 
barricaded the door. Projectiles shat- 
tered the window. Someone threw a fire- 
bomb through the window. Another 
squirted lighter fluid under the door. 

Chanting “gay power,” the crowd up- 
rooted a parking meter and tied to bar 
ter down the door. The effort ended 
when police reinforcements arrived. 

For nights thereafter, gays gathered at 
the site. They held meetings, formed 
committees and finally staged a Gay 
Power march up Sixth Avenue. 

Today, the annual Pride march at- 
tracts almost half a million gays, lesbians, 
bisexuals, transgenderists and their sup- 
porters. They paint the stripe down 
Christopher Street lavender. 

The sign for Gay Street—situated a 
few doors down from the Stonewall—is 
one of the most frequently stolen arti- 
facts in the city. You can see the bands 
where previous signs were attached to 
posts and streetlights rising ever higher, 
like a carnival indicator of pride. 


RADICAL SISTERS 


The sexual revolution swept through 
the culture, but by mid-decade there 
were some who felt slighted. The leaders 
of the various movements fighting for 
change were men. Civil rights workers 
and antiwar activists, yippics and rock 
stars were charismatic spokesmen who 
could dominate and inspire a rally, or 
“fuck a staff into existence,” as Marge 
Piercy confessed in an essay on women's 
experiences within the movement. “Yet 
always what was beautiful and real in the 
touching becomes contaminated by the 
fog of lies and half-truths and power 
struggles until the sex is empty and only 
another form of manipulation.” 

Women in the counterculture found 
themselves in the same old roles: Girl- 
friend. Dishwasher. Typist. When they 
demanded that the leaders acknowledge 
their many contributions, they received 


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PLAYBOY 


174 


daunting, chauvinist replies. 

In 1966 black activist Stokeley Carmi- 
chael brushed off women’s libbers with a 
remark heard round the country: “The 
only position for women in the Student 
Nonviolent Coordinating Committee is 
prone. 

Abbic Hoffman crowed, "The only al- 
liance I would make with the women's 
liberation movement is in bed." 

Eldridge Cleaver, in 1968, joked: 
“Women? I guess they ought to exercise 
pussy power." 

Women's equality was treated as a joke 
in the Sixties. Indeed, Representative 
Howard Smith of Virginia had added 
the category of sex to Title VII of the 
1964 Civil Rights Act on a political whim, 
to distract liberals and make the bill 
harder to pass. The law prohibited dis- 
crimination on the basis of an "individ- 
ual's race, color, religion, sex or national 
origin." But what exactly did that mean? 

Radical women began talking to one 
another in “bitch sessions” about con- 
sciousness raising. Sexual dissatisfaction 
was at the core of the new political 
rhetoric. Anne Koedt delivered a paper 
in Chicago on “The Myth of the Vaginal 
Orgasm” at the first National Women's 
Liberation Conference, Thanksgiving 
weekend in 1968. Taking a cue from 
Masters and Johnson, she proclaimed, 
“Although there are many areas for sex- 
ual arousal, there is only one area for 


sexual climax; that area is the clitoris. 

“All this leads to some interesting 
questions about conventional sex and 
our role in it. Men have orgasms essen- 
tially by friction with the vagina, not the 
clitoral area, which is external and not 
able to cause friction the way penetra- 
tion does. Women have thus been de- 
fined sexually in terms of what pleases 
men. Our own biology has not been 
properly analyzed. Instead we are fed 
the myth of the liberated woman and 
her vaginal orgasm, an orgasm which in 
fact does not exist.” 

She condemned men who used the 
clitoris only for foreplay, to create suffi- 
cient lubrication for penetration. A clit- 
oral sexuality would make the male ex- 
pendable. The whole Kama Sutra needed 
to be rewritten. “We must begin to de- 
mand that if certain sexual positions 
now defined as standard are not mutual- 
ly conducive to orgasm, they no longer 
be defined as standard,” said Koedt. 
“New techniques must be used or de- 
vised that transform this particular as- 
pect of our current sexual exploitation.” 

In Loose Change: Three Women of the Six- 
ties, Sara Davidson tried to re-create the 
moment: “At her women's group, they 
talked about their problems in the move- 
ment and they talked about sex. Sex, 
sex, the very word made Susie sweat and 
turn red. “Га never heard people talk 
about this stuff. I didn't even know wom- 


‘Affirmative action should be more narrowly tailored 
so as not to benefit cats.” 


en masturbated.’ The group read Mas- 
ters and Johnson—that was a mindblow- 
ег--ю see proof that all orgasms аге cen- 
tered in the clitoris and that the vaginal 
orgasm, that holier-than-holy super- 
come, was a myth. Susie had to ask where 
the clitoris was. Jeff had never touched 
her there because Freud and his father 
had informed him that mature women 
have vaginal orgasms.” 

Robin Morgan found she could no 
longer stand to fake vaginal orgasms 
(though she admitted she’d become 
“adeptat faking spiffy ones”). She feared 
confronting pornography for fear of be- 
ing labeled a “bad vibes, uptight, unhip 
chick.” She became a refugee from the 
male-dominated left, or what she called 
“the boys’ movement.” But she and oth- 
ers had learned much from the move- 
ment’s style of electric drama. 

On September 7, 1968 New York Rad- 
ical Women organized a protest against 
the Miss America Pageant. Morgan 
wrote: “The pageant was chosen as a tar- 
get for a number of reasons: It is of 
course patently degrading to women (in 
propagating the Mindless Sex Object 
Image). It has always been a lily-white, 
racist contest; the winner tours Vietnam, 
entertaining the troops as a Murder 
Mascot. The contestants epitomize the 
roles all women are forced to play in this 
society, one way or the other: apoliti- 
cal, unoflending. Passive, delicate (but 
drudgery-dclighted) things.” The pro- 
testers denounced the quest for male ap- 
proval, saying women were “enslaved by 
ludicrous beauty standards. Miss Ameri- 
са and rLAvBoY's Centerfold are sisters 
over the skin. To win approval we must 
be both sexy and wholesome, delicate 
but able to cope, demure yet titillatingly 
bitchy. Deviation of any sort brings, we 
are told, disaster: ‘You won't get a man!” 

Sex object? Degrading? In one article 
are the first drops of poisoned rhetoric 
that would reignite the battle between 
the sexes. The protesters tossed dish- 
cloths, steno pads, high-heeled shoes, 
false eyelashes, hair curlers, girdles and 
bras into a Freedom Trash Can, along 
with copies of Cosmopolitan, Ladies’ Home 
Journal and Family Circle. They did not, 
as some media claimed, burn bras. 

Make war, not love? A strange message 
with which to end the decade. 


What would women become in the 
Seventies? Joan Terry Garrity, taking 
the nom de plume J, wrote a book called 
The Sensuous Woman. In lighthearted 
prose she extolled the wonders of oral 
sex and described various techniques 
such as “the Butterfly Flick,” “the 
Hoover,” “the Whipped Cream Wriggle” 
and “the Silken Swirl 

The book sold nine million copies. 

Stick out your tongue. 


Fanny Geli (continued from page 83) 


“I went horseback riding with Saddam Hussein last 
weekend. He’s crazier than a crackhouse whore.” 


veteran of SNL, Gasteyer is clear, collect- 
ed, earthy and married. “Molly, Cheri 
and I didn't come in here with a bra- 
burning passion to change the show. We 
just want to be artists, to be onstage, and 
write stuff that’s good. I don't feel we're 
in an environment that puts a whole lot 
of status on gender. Creatively, it's in- 
credibly demanding.” 

Molly Shannon, now in her fourth sea- 
son, admits “SNL is a tough place. You 
have to be a tough person, driven, a self- 
starter.” Her father raised her alone 
from the time she was four, when her 
mother was killed in an automobile acci- 
dent. “Because of what 1 went through, 1 
had a feeling nothing could stop me. I 
couldn't stand it when people would tell 
me I couldn't do something. Га think, 
How hard can it be?" 

After college, the girl from Shaker. 
Heights, Ohio headed to Los Angeles. 
where she wrote and produced The Rob 
and Molly Show with her friend Rob Muir. 
She packed the Up Front Comedy The- 
ater, then landed a five-minute audition- 
with Michaels. “Every Saturday, when 1 


see all the people in the audience, I still 
think to myself, 1 didn't have to invite 
them and I don't have to pay for 
the band.” 

Shannon's signature creation is Mary 
Katherine Gallagher, who was born 11 
years ago as a tribute to morbidly anx- 
ious girls everywhere. "I used to get re- 
ally nervous when I would perform. As 1 
have grown, she has grown," Shannon 
says of her armpit-sniffing alter ego. “I 
think growing up is a really big deal, so 
it's about her nervousness in coming- 
ofage." That may explain the repressed 
sexual fever in her quavering voice and 
heaving chest as a gymnastic frenzy 
flings her into a wall. “When the Spice 
Girls say “girl power,’ that's not 
power. Mary Katherine Gallagher is girl 
power!” says Shannon, laughing. 

“This place ages you,” sighs Cheri 
Oteri. “We are all competing to get 
something on that show—girls, guys, 
writers, everyone. Sundays, I treat my- 
self as if I'm sick. It’s so physically ex- 
hausting." After a jeremiad about the 
rigors of her job, her lips curl into a 


warm grin. “I'm very lucky.” 

Oteri grew up in Philadelphia, ap- 
prenticed with the Groundlings and in 
1995 auditioned for SNL. "I'm telling 
you, I was like, "Someday I can tell my 
kids that I auditioned for Saturday Night 
Live?” Her gaze is gentle and curious. 
She locks into character voices. Sudden- 
ly, it's Barbara Walters: “I went horse- 
back riding with Saddam Hussein last 
weekend. He's crazier than a crack- 
house whore.” Then she is Arianna, the 
Spartan cheerleader (now the subject of 
several fan-created Web sites), then Deb- 
bie Reynolds, then Colette Reardon, the 
twitchy pill popper on the sunny edge of 
madness. 

“I always wanted to do a character 
who was barely holding it together, with 
a smile, lipstick askew,” muses Oteri. “1 
love people who triumph over adversi- 
ties. Maybe I felt like that growing up. 
Not fitting in. Not good enough. So, not 
realizing it, I'd stare at people and drink 
in their personalities. 1 used to study 
people.” The result? She can spoof the 
misfit without mockery. 

“There are lots of ways to get laughs,” 
says Michaels. “But to get laughs with 
honor is much harder. All three of these 
women are honorable.” 

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PLAYBOY 


176 


PAUL REISER (гол page 64) 


President Clinton is thinking, I can’t believe she’s let- 
ting me put my hand on her ass. 


Babyhood, going, "It's great having a ba- 
by” to Regis and Kathie Lee, I started to 
think, Get me out of here. If I saw a guy 
telling 12 stories about changing a dia- 
per, I'd think, Go play hockey, for God's 
sake. Go slaughter an animal. 

PLAYBOY: You could go out and talk about 
your extramarital affairs. 

REISER: No, I keep those quiet. The truth 
is, there is a part of me, like a part of 
most guys, that would love to wake up 
and not have anybody to be responsible 
for. You see a single guy out meeting dif- 
ferent women and traveling all over the 
world, and you think, Does that sound 
bad? No, it sounds great. But you made 
a deal with somebody. 

PLAYBOY: You've met the president. What 
was that like? 

REISER: I did a performance at Ford's 
Theater. [Showing off a photo] Here's a 
picture of Paula and me at the White 
House with Bill and Hillary. Here are 
the caption bubbles of what we're think- 
ing: My wife is thinking, 1 can't believe 
the president's hand is on my ass. Presi 
dent Clinton is thinking, I can't believe 
she's letting me put my hand on her ass. 
Hillary is going, I can't believe his hand 
is on her ass. I'm going, I've got to go on 
in 20 minutes. 

PLAYBOY. When the Lewinsky scandal 
broke it provided comedians with many 


jokes about your favorite president. 
Which was the best? 

REISER: I’m not going there. I feel like 
such a spoilsport because I don’t like 
those kinds of jokes. I laugh at them and 
think some are funny, but I don’t want to 
encourage them. They're at someone's 
expense. It’s not only jokes about the 
president. In the first season of the show, 
somebody wrote a joke about an older 
actress. It was a very funny joke. It was 
like, “Hey, you wouldn't want to be kiss- 
ing so-and-so.” It would have gotten a 
scream. I thought, I'm going to be at a 
party a year from now and this woman is 
going to say, “I saw the show.” “I'm sor- 
ry. I'm sorry we used you as an example 
of repugnant.” If somebody you know 
and love had something terrible happen 
to them, would you make fun of it? Not 
if they were in the room with you. Well. 
you've got to treat the world like we're 
all in the same room. At some point you 
have to be accountable. 

PLAYBOY: Art apparently imitated life 
again for you when the couple on the 
show had a baby. What made you decide 
to have one? 

REISER: In real life? It was never a ques- 
tion. I always knew we were going to do 
it. We both thought so. Suddenly you go, 
Well, what are we waiting for? First we 
said, Let's wait until we get money in the 


“Paper or more plastic?” 


bank, then, Let's wait until our careers 
are established, Let's wait until. . . . Fi- 
nally you say, You know what? It’s never 
going to be the right moment. Then you 
Start doing the baby math: “Hmm. I'll be 
103 when the kid is in high school.” 
PLAYBOY: Was it easier naming the show 
baby or your real baby? 

REISER: I didn't care about the name on 
the show. It was harder to come up with 
Ezra’s name. I didn’t want to do the 
thing where you buy the baby-name 
book and go through every culture and 
say, “It means ‘great warrior’ in Celtic,” 
though I was tempted by “potentially an 
accountant” in Swahili. 

PLAYBOY: Do you do half the baby raising 
in your family? 

REISER: І involve myself in every part of 
my son's life, but I don't know if I do 
half. But something amazing happened 
when I got more involved with my son. 
When I got really involved with my son, 
I found the relationship between me and 
my wife again. It wasn't deliberate, but 
it opened a door I hadn't realized was 
closing. When you have a child, your 
relationship with your wife gets put on 
pause. When I got around to under- 
standing what it takes to take care of the 
kid, one of the great benefits was finding 
my wife again. She was so involved with 
our son that I didn't find her until I en- 
tered the land of kidhood. “Hey, look 
who's here too!" It wasn't deliberate. You 
don't even realize your relationship has 
deteriorated a bit. When I stopped fight- 
ing it, though, and stopped viewi 
playing with the kid as an intrusion, it 
was pretty cool. It can be tedious and 
tiresome, but when you realize, Look 
who's in this world, it's that girl from be- 
fore, it's a nice discovery. And the kid is 
pretty cool, too. 

PLAYBOY: For all your joking about our 
Playmates, if they had arrived, the truth 
is that you would not have approved, 
would you? 

REISER: 1 would have been uncomfortable 
with it. That's not my life. I would have 
been thrown if some girl had come in 
without clothes, balancing a Fresca on 
her hip 

PLAYBOY: Your wife wouldn't have liked it 
either, and neither would have Helen. 
REISER: There you go. Even my fake wife 
would have been upset. My fake wife 
would have been fake upset. 

PLAYBOY. No wonder you can't escape 
your fuzzy-wuzzy image. 

REISER: Yeah? Well, let me tell you this 
grotesque cocksucker joke—— 

PLAYBOY: Somehow we know we're going 
to be disappointed. 

REISER: You're right, but I do have one 
question. Will there be naked girls in the 
magazine? Along with this interview? 
That I hope for, the sensitive-man stuff 
notwithstanding. 


O 


ir gi 
Deanna Brooks 
Miss May 4 


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www.playboy.com 


Miss November 1978 (and PMOY 
1979) Monique St. Pierre feels 
blessed by her Playmate experiences 


Monique St. Pierre (left) slops on о new coot 
with fellow home improver Shannan Tweed. 


over the years, and now she's return- 
ing the favor tenfold. Realizing a 
dream she has “harbored for a long 
time,” Monique has just launched 


Changes, a nonprofit facility for 
homeless, battered and recovering 
women and their children. Along 
with her boyfriend, Willie Oswald, 


Monique set up shop in a 23-room 


converted motel in Pomona, Califor- 


nia, situated on a piece of land sur- 


rounded by giant avocado trees. 
There residents will receive on-site 
medical, therapeutic, educational, fi- 


PLAYMATE BIRTHDAYS — JUNE 
June 1: Miss December 1987 
(and PMOY 1988) India Allen. 
June 4: Miss February 1992 
‘Tanya Beyer. 
June 17: Miss September 1960 
Ann Davis. 


June 21: Miss December 1972 
Mercy Rooney. 

June 26: Miss September 1983 (and 
PMOY 1984) Barbara Edwards. 
June 27: Miss May 1955 (and Miss 
February 1956) Marguerite Empey. 


nancial and job-training services. As 
a founding board member, Monique 
will participate in all activities, from 
running the show to painting the 
walls, and she has enlisted an enthu- 
siastic team of Playmate volunteers 
to help with her mission. “One day it 
hit me like a thunderbolt,” says Mo- 
nique. “What are you waiting for? 


self but the 
B cco hon 


This is what you were meant to do. 
We all have to help one another. I've 
never been happier in my life.” 
For information or to make a tax- 
deductible donation, write to Changes, 
13601 Ventura Boulevard, Suite 
103, Sherman Oaks, CA 91423. 


35 YEARS AGO THIS MONTH 


She had to share the magazine 
with Jules Feiffer's first novel, 


“What can I say? I'm a home- 
wrecker! A conniving, backstab- 
bing little bitch.” 

That's Miss Ju- 
ly 1996 Angel 
Boris describ- 
ing not her- 


Connie Mason 
Ian Fleming’s On Her Majesty's 
Secret Service and nudes of Jayne 
Mansfield. But Miss June 1963 
Connie Mason held her own with 
the stars, “Modeling is a near- 
perfect job for me,” the Chicago 


a E high-fashion model told us then. 
five episodes of ( “I love fine clothes, and wearing 


gowns I couldn't aflord gives me 
a wonderfully regal feeling.” Was 
Connie apprehensive moving 
from Oleg Cassini designs to 
PLAYBOY'S more natural apparel? 


Beverly Hills 
90210. "It was 
great to be on the 
show,” says Angel, Angel Bons 
who since her PLAYEOY debut has seen e = = 
her acting career soar. “But I doubt E 
my character will be returning any HoR oL CAT aip eae A 
time soon. She was just too mean.” £ E OU UL 
That's OK—Angel's dance card is al- trade places with anyone, 

ready generously punched, with 
three movies currently in the works. 
Look for her in the title role of Suicide 
Blonde (“1 play a kook"), as 
a down-home girl in Always 
Something Better and as an 
android in Pale Dreamer 


JUNGLE HEAT 


Inspired perhaps by the shrinking. 
global villoge—or maybe just itch- 
ing ta hit the raad—PLAYBOY Senior 
Phata Editor Jim Lorson shipped off 
to Africo last summer ta capture Miss | 
January 1997 Jami Ferrell, Miss Au- 
gust 1995 Rachel Jeón Marleen and 
Miss June 1996 Karin Toylor in the 
wilds of the giant continent. Zigzog- 
ging through Botswana, Zambia and 
Zimbabwe, Larson and Contributing 
Photographer Richard Fegley posed 
the Playmates by rivers, in jungles 


end in deserts, ot one point borely 
escaping calamity when a lion 
chased а Cope buffolo through 
their camp. “In just two weeks we 
flew more then 20,000 miles on 
16 planes, shooting aver 200 rolls 
ol film,” soys Larson. “It wos the 
experience of a lifetime.” Look for 
Ploymates on Safari an these 
poges later in the yeor. 


180 


I recently attended Glamourcon 
and overheard a great Playmate one- 
liner, uttered by Miss August 1991 
(and PMOY 1992) Corinna Harney. 
It seems Corinna didn't have all the 


particulars about a party being 


thrown that evening, so she asked a 
fellow Playmate, Miss January 1993 
Echo Johnson, what the scoop was. In 
a flash, Echo, who had been auto- 
graphing her centerfold for a fan, 
stopped, jotted down the information 
and handed it to Corinna, who 
cracked “Oh, Echo, you're so well 
equi, Tushar Mithaiwala, Han- 


ovcr Park, Illinois 


Until рілувоу began making vid- 
eos, all the pictures of Playmates were 
stills. But in the 
hands of veteran 
photographer 
Mario Casilli, a 
still photograph 
can seem to be in 
motion, reinforc- 
ing the sensual 
and erotic appeal 
of the picture. 
Consider the clas- 
sic centerfold of 
Miss March 1961 
Tonya Crews. The 
motion of the pho- 
tograph is all in 
the way in which 
Casilli has chosen 
to pose Tonya. As 
our eyes move up 
her lovely legs, we 
are then swept 
along the amaz- 
ingly graceful 
curve of her arch- 
ing back—a curve 
that evokes a dancing candle flame— 
ending on Tonya's face and eyes. Hers 
isn't a Nineties supermodel face, but 
it is beautiful, set off by thick, wavy 
hair. Tragically, Tonya (the first Play- 
mate with Native American heritage) 


\ 
Tonya Crews 


BAR NEWS 


died in an automobile accident five 
years later. We are all richer for the 
work Mario Casilli did in capturing 
and preserving her beauty.—Mark 
"Iomlonson, Kalamazoo, Michigan 


QUOTE UNQUOTE 


Her reign as 1997 
Playmate of the Year is 
almost over, but with 
two movies and a batch 
of TV gigs under her 
svelte belt, Sweden's 
Victoria Silvstedt is 
guaranteed to shine 
on. We caught her, on 
the run as usual, in 
Los Angeles. 

Q: What's your favorite 
place to be kissed? 
A: Like a guy to warm 
up on my neck and 
work his way down to my feet. I real- 
ly love to haye my feet kissed. 
О: What do you wear when you're in 
the mood to seduce? 
A: I wear a pair of little white shorts 
and a matching 
Т>  C— top that says 
pA NOLANANGIL. 
5 Q: What's the 
most unusual 
place you have 
had sex? 
A: On an air- 
plane, in the 
bathroom. 
Q: And? 
A: And it was 
damned tight! 
Q: How has be- 
coming a Play- 
mate affected 
your sex life? 
A: My sex life 
has always been 
good, but now it's great. 
Q: In what way? 
A: Well, I have a terrific boyfriend, so 
I'm sure he must have something to 
do with it. 
Q: What's your advice for the next 
Playmate of the Year? 
A: It’s important to keep your feet on 
the ground—to stay down-to-earth 
and never let it go to your head. Oh 
yeah, and have fun. 


| JULIE MCCULLOUGH: 

“It wos awkward for me to pose 
| nude because I come from o small 
| town where PLAYBOY is not even 

sold. And my mom works in a 

church. But I will look bock at this 

someday and be exceptionolly 
proud of my photos.” 


PLAYMATE GOSSIP 


An enthusiastic group of Play- 
mates showed up at Julie Mc- 
Cullough's 33rd birthday bash in 
=н Hills. But the birthday 
X "ne s favorite guest was 
- Hef himself, with whom. 
she danced to swing 
music throughout the 
night. . . . Elan Carter 
completed her first 
episode of Mike Hammer, 
whilc Nikki Schicler filmed her 
second. Seems Mike keeps some 
pretty attractive company. . . . 
Principal photography has 
wrapped on Midnight Healing, a 
feature film co-starring Elke 
Jeinsen. The 
story is all 
about a sex 
therapist who 
takes her job 
a little bit too 
personally. 
Elke plays the 
doc's able as- 
sistant. . .. In 
four episodes 
of Pictionary, 
Julia Schultz 
racked up the highest score in 
the history of the game show... - 
Marliece Andrada buddied up 
with her Baywatch cohort Traci 
Bingham at the grand opening 


of Bally's Sports Club in Manhat- 
tan. The pair smiled for cameras, 
signed autographs and pumped 


the occasional iron. .. . We previ- 
ously reported 


Bingham ond 
Andrada os Bally's belles 


that Victoria Zdrok had passed 
the New Jersey bar exam—now 
we can add the New York bar. 
Speaking of briefs, Victoria also 
appeared in a lingerie ad in Cos- 
mopolitan magazine. 


EBONY & IVORY 
BENSON & HEDGES 


TT аас: 


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15 mg "tar; 1.1 mg nicotine av. per cigarette by FTC method. 7 
ж 
SURGEON GENERAL'S WARNING: Cigarette — 
A MOMENT OF PLEASURE 
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Smoke Contains Carbon Monoxide. 


PLAYBOY 


182 


33renuptíal 


Clareement 


From the Law Offices of 
Giles, Finkelstein and Hart 


To all to WHOM this may come to affect or may concern, 
know ye that lı is understood that on the fourth day of February, 
Nineteen Hundred and Ninety-Five. that Jim Morrissey (hereafter 
known as the First Party) and Jeanne Fulton (hereafter known as 
the Second Party) arc entering the contract of wedlock. 


"The following constitutes a full legal and binding arrangement of 
said properties set before this date. This agreement shall be executed 
én multiple copies. 


Season Tickets 
Crown Royal 


It is also tobe understood that both the First Party and the 
Second Party arc in complete agreement regarding the contents of 
this document and have stated sa by signature and by witness on 
the fourth day of February, Nineteen Hundred and Ninety-Five.This 
‘agreement cannot be changed orally. 


“The following below is а full, detalled breakdown of sald agreement 
regarding all properties of consequence shared by the First Party and. 
the Second Party. 


HERS 


Everything else 


If any provision of this Agreement shall later be found void or invalid in 


whole or in part, the remainder ofthis Agreement, and the 


remainder of that part of thisAgrcement not found void or invalid, 
‘shall remain in full force and effect. 


An Witness Whereot, we the undersigned, on this dae, the fourth day ol February Nineteen Hundred and Niney:Five, are tn complete agreement with the above 
Arrangement und wil abide by the contents of the document from the day of шєєрбов t» the day the contract has been пыле by а court ol lw 


First Party 


Second Party 


N 
T Date 


Those who appreciate quality enjoy it responsibly. 


(©1995 CROWN ROYAL: IMPORTEO IN THE BOTTLES BLENDED CANADIAN WHISKY=40% ALCOHOL BY VOLUME (80 PROOF) e JOSEPH E. SEAGRAM & SONS, NEW YORK, NY 


RICHARD IZUI 


PILAY BOY 


— SOMETHING WORTH NOTING —— 


hose big ideas tend to come when you least expect them— 
in the haze of stop-and-go traffic, between double bogies, 
at four am. when you can't sleep. Instead of relying on 
memory or a scrap of paper, take verbal notes on a digital 
recorder. This ingenious gadget comes in a variety of forms, all 
small enough to stash in a breast pocket. There are bare-bones 


models, such as Sony's Voice Balloon, that offer up to ten minutes 
of recording time. Other digital recorders double as electronic or- 
ganizers—complete with calendars, telephone directories and 
Voice alarms. And for power techies, versions by Olympus, Sycom, 
Sony ard Voice It allow you to quickly download speech files to a 
computer for transcription or to jazz up e-mail or Web sites. 


Below, front to back: Sony's ICD-V21 voice Balloon ($90) stores up to ten minutes of speech and features files for storing reminders. Olympus’ 


D1000 records onto removable memory cards and comes with a PC adaptor kit and voice dictation software that autom: 


y transcribes your 


recording ($300). Voice It's VR 2000 also ofíers PC connectivity, and its 50-minute recordings can be stored on memory cards or on an onboard 
computer chip ($300). Sycom's Total Recall Touch 60 has a 58-minute recording capacity, organizer functions and PC connectivity ($150). 


Splendor in 
the Grass 
Milwaukee model LISA 
LEWIN can be found in 
the 1999 Hooters cal- 
endar and appeared on 
the Sandrine Lingerie 
Catalog Web site. An- 
other Midwestern girl 

makes good. 


Call of the Wild 


Aerosmith's Nine Lives 
has gone platinum, and 
the Pink video caused 
controversy on MTV. That 
suits STEVEN TYLER to a 
tee, but touring, “throw- 
ing parties for 20,000 
people anight,” gets him 
rewed. That's a lot of 

184 company. 


GRAPEVINE 


Chasing Joey 

We're wild about JOEY LAUREN ADAMS. If you 
missed Dazed and Confused or Chasing Amy, hurry 
to the video store. Then head to the theater for A 
Cool, Dry Place. Joey is cool, and hot. 


Breast Fest 
You'll find KARI 
DORRIS in the Bare 
Naked Amateur 
Screen Test on vid- 
ео. We thought- 
fully provide 
a preview. 


She Suits 

to Conquer 
Model GEOR- 
GIANNA ROBERT- 
SON was spotted 
at the Victori 
Secret fashion 
show dazzling the 
crowd in basic white. 


The Heart 
of Texas 
‘STEVE EARLE 
is done being 
a badass 
and is mak- 
ing the best 
music of his 
life. Fresh 
from a U.S. 
dub tour 
10 support 
his new 
album, Ef 
Corazón, 
Earle 
soars. 


Maui Wowie 
Hawaiian MELANIE CAJUDOY did a lifesaving, 
demo on Regis and Kathie Lee with David Has- 
selhoff, but her beach is Maui, not Baywatch. We 
don't think Melanie will be beached for long. 185 


POTPOURRI 


BIZARRO SEX 
Did you know that ROBBY'S RETURN 
see-through togas Leslie Nielsen and Anne Francis starred 
were not unusual in in the 1956 science fiction flick Forbidden 
ancient Greece and Planet, but it was Robby the Robot who 
Rome? Or that there stole the show and became one of Holly- 
was a brothel called wood’s most famous automatons. Now 
the Nymphia operat- anyone with $25,000 can own a seven- 
ing in San Francisco foot limited edition Robby, created by 
in the late 19th centu- Fred Barton Productions from molds and 
ry? It resembled an blueprints of the original. The remote 
army barracks and control Robby has a computer brain and 
housed as many as other electronic innards that make him 
450 girls advertised as seem almost human. Call 310-209-1136. 

“nymphomaniacs.” 

, These and 2998 

Ж ) other “strange 


99° but true tales from 
© around the world” 
are found in The Sex 
Chronicles by Lance 
Rancier, published by 
GPG. “Curious sexu- 
al occurrences,” “sex 
and money,” “sex 
and beauty” and 
“sex and the law” are 
some of the other 
erotic subjects ex- 
plored. The price for 
the 256-page paper- 
| back, in bookstores 
= nationwide, is $14.95. 


MARTINI MADNESS 


Seems there are almost as many new 
books devoted to the martini as there are 
variations of the drink. The Martini Com- 
panion is dubbed a “connoisseur’s guide” 
to the subject, while The Martini Book 
features color photos and several hun- 
dred recipes. The Elegant Martini ссіс- 
brates “seductive recipes for appetizers 
and libations,” and Shaken Not Stirred con- 
tains recipes plus “a directory of the 
world’s swankiest lounges.” 


FOR KNUCKLEHEADS ONLY 


Curly, Moe and Larry never yukked it up so much as they do in Soiten- 
ly Stooges, a 24-page catalog of Three Stooges memorabilia ranging 
from the ridiculous (trivia toilet paper) to the sublime (a framed limited 
edition lithograph). In between there are enough caps, Tshirts, watch- 
es, lighters, posters, videos, magnets, suspenders, key chains, coffee 
mugs and more to satisfy the most finicky wise guy. The most popular 
product? A set of three talking golf club covers that say, among other 
things, “Stand back, you imbecile. Let me show you how it's done.” Call 
186 800-378-6643 to place an order. 


RIDE THE RIDDLER 


Which amusement park just 
opened the world's tallest, 
fastest, most powerful stand- 
up roller coaster? Answer: Six 
Flags Magic Mountain in Va- 
lencia, California, just north 
of Los Angeles. The Riddler's 


Revenge, a 16-story, three- 
minute ride, thrusts passen- 
gers along a mile-long track, 
hurling them upside down 
six times at speeds up to 65 
miles an hour. The first drop 
is 156 feet, and you can expe- 
rience up to 4.2 gs on the 
ride. That's some revenge. 


ы“ E 
VOYAGES SHOVES OFF 


Chronicle Books' new Voyages line of accessories is for anyone 
who loves the romance of travel, whether flying in a 747, sailing 
aboard a steamer or just curled up in an armchair. There are 
four items to choose from (above, left to right): a travel journal 
($19), a triptych picture frame ($13), a writing portfolio with ten 
oversize postcards ($25) and a photo album ($30). All are crafted 
with vintage-looking buckles and bindings, and the covers are 
Mediterranean blue. Call 800-722-6657 to order. 


PICTURE-PERFECT 


Your girlfriend may not be a 
Pin-up model, but now she 
Can look like one. Liquid Im- 
age, at 390 West Broadway in 
New York, offers mere mor- 
tals the chance to “step into” 
more than 70,000 images, 
including pin-ups, movie 
Posters and more. Pose in 
person or send in a photo, 
and you'll get a beauti- 
fully composed 87 10” 
photo for $90 and up. 
Call 212-334-4443 for 
more information, or 
check things out on 
the Net at www.liquid 
image.com 


CREDIT TO BURN 


Since you're probably paying for your premi- 
um stogies with a credit card, why not have a 
fine smoke pictured on your plastic? Consoli- 
dated Cigar and First USA Visa have created 
a Platinum Visa credit card adorned with a 
Montecristo (shown), an H. Upmann or a com- 
bination of cigars. Upon using your new card, 
you'll receive free premium smokes and be- 
come cligible to purchase discounted tobacco 
accessories from such companies as Budd 
Leather and Prometheus. Call 800-451-2491 


SURVIVAL CHIC 


To learn 17 ways to start a fire without a match 
and which edible plants will keep you alive if 
you're lost in the wilderness, order a copy of 
Survival, a 60-minute video that features expert 
advice on primitive-condition lifesaving tech- 
niques. Paladin Press sells it for $24.95; call 
800-392-2400. And while you're in a Rambo 
mood, order Breath of Death, a video all about 
blowguns. It's only $29.95. 


188 


NEXT MONTH 


LUSCIOUS USA 


BOND TIME 


SEX ROCKS 


PLAYMATE OF THE YEAR—YOU'VE WAITED AN EXTRA 
MONTH THIS YEAR AND. TRUST US, YOU WON'T BE DISAP- 
POINTED. OUR NUMBER ONE LADY IS THE PERFECT KICK- 
OFF TO SUMMER 


SOUTH PARK STORY —MEET TREY PARKER AND MATT 
STONE, THE TWISTED MINDS BEHIND COMEDY CENTRAL'S 
HOT ANIMATED SERIES. BESIDES GIVING US TRASH 
MOUTH CHARACTERS KYLE, CARTMAN, STAN AND CHEF, 
THEY HAVE THE ENTIRE COUNTRY SCREAMING, “OH MY 
GOD! THEY KILLED KENNY!" ARTICLE BY STEVE POND 


KEN GRIFFEY JR.—THE MARINERS’ SLUGGER AND AMERI- 
CAN LEAGUE MVP HAS TED WILLIAMS’ SWING AND A CLAIM 
ON THE RECORD BOOKS. TAKE A WILD TRIP INTO A MAJOR 
LEAGUE LOCKER ROOM WITH TOM BOSWELL 


SEX, ROCK STYLE—PUT DOWN THE DATING GUIDES AND 
PUMP UP THE LIZ PHAIR, ALANIS MORISSETTE AND 
BLUR. GAVIN EDWARDS PROVES THAT EVERYTHING YOU 
NEED TO KNOW ABOUT GIRLS, LOVE AND SEX CAN BE 
LEARNED FROM LYRICS 


SPEED SEDUCTION—UNLIKELY LOTHARIO ROSS JEF- 
FRIES TEACHES MEN “HOW TO HAVE HER BEGGING FOR IT, 


PMOY 


DESPITE A BOYFRIEND OR HUSBAND!” COULD THIS POSSI- 
BLY WORK? WE SENT PETER ALSON TO FIND OUT 


THE DAILY SHOW—CRAIG KILBORN DISHES OUT FIVE 
QUESTIONS AND A BITING NEWSCAST THAT MAKES SNL'S 
“WEEKEND UPDATE" LOOK TAME. WARREN KALBACKER 
TURNS THE TABLES IN THIS MONTH'S 20 QUESTIONS 


THE FACTS OF DEATH—DO YOU LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND 
SHAKEN OR STIRRED? RAYMOND BENSON GIVES IT TO 
YOU ON THE ROCKS IN THIS NEW 007 ADVENTURE 


IT’S SWING TIME—TO PARAPHRASE DUKE ELLINGTON, 
"SPORTS DON'T MEAN A THING IF YOU AIN'T GOT THAT 
SWING," TO PERFECT YOUR TECHNIQUE IN GOLF, TENNIS 
AND BASEBALL, CONSULT OUR SPECIAL WORKOUT 


JERRY SPRINGER—HE'S BEEN DUBBED THE SLEAZIEST 
OF DAYTIME'S TALK SHOW RINGLEADERS. JOHN BRADY 
PUTS THE LAWYER TURNED POLITICIAN TURNED NEWS 
ANCHOR TURNED SHOCK HOST IN THE HOT SEAT IN A 
PLAYBOY INTERVIEW 


PLUS: PLAYMATE LISA DERGAN, SURFBOARDS AND 
BODYBOARDS AND LAKERS LEGEND MAGIC JOHNSON, 
WHO IS NOW STAR OF HIS OWN TALK SHOW 


FOR: Cavtious people 


1 OZ. SUPER-PREMIUM TEQUILA 
1 oz. GRAND MARNIER 


1 OZ. FRESH-SQUEEZED LIME JUICE 
SUGAR TO TASTE 


ADDING