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PLAYBILL 


SEX SCANDALS make big headlines. Think Anita Hill. Think 
Gennifer Flowers, Paula Jones and Monica Lewinsky. In 
Playboy's History of the Sexual Revolution, Part X, James В. Petersen 
highlights the encounters that rocked the world—and nearly 
toppled a president—in the Nineties. Even if we didn't re- 
spect Bill Clinton in the morning, his bad judgment got us 
talking—about penises, oral sex, cigars and orgasms. With 
this installment Petersen brings his chronicle of American sex- 
uality to a close. If you want to know how we got here, Grove 
Press just published Petersen's The Century of Sex: Playboy's His- 
tory of the Sexual Revolution, with an introduction by Mr. Sexu- 
al Revolution himself, Hugh M. Hefner. 

Those of you who think Jesse Ventura is just a moron on a 
lucky streak may be surprised by the Body's mind after read- 
ing November's Playboy Interview by Conuibuting Editor Low- 
rence Grobel. Unlike most elected officials, the ncsota gov- 
ernor and ex-Navy Seal holds nothing back. Ventura's views 
on guns, drugs, prostitution, taxes and organized religion 
make for a fascinating read. Jesse for President in 2000? It 
wouldn't be the first time he slammed expectations. What 
Jesse Ventura is to politics, David Duval is to golf—an anomaly. 
One of the finest players in the game's history, Duval has 
the perfect demeanor for his sport. He's cavalier about his tal- 
ent and his growing celebrity. In our Playboy Profile, Carl Vige- 
lend lifts Duval's dark shades to reveal some of the young pro's 
Zen secrets. 

Speaking of secrets, there are plenty of stories circulating 
about the relationships that inspired Sheryl Crow’s bluesy pop 
tunes. But Mark Ribowsky gets the truth out of the girl most 
likely to rock hard in tight leather. His quickie Q. and A. with 
the former elementary school teacher is a perfect prelude to 
her forthcoming hipster flick, The Minus Man. 

Country music legend George Jones should be dead. He's 
waged a decades-long battle with booze and drugs, endured 
numerous health problems and is currently on the mend 
from a headline-grabbing car wreck, No Show Jones talks 
straight about his roller-coaster life and plays possum when it 
comes to his singing in a 20 Questions by Julie Bain. 

If you're into tough chicks, you'll be floored by Mia st. John. 
The undefeated boxer went several rounds with photograph- 
ег Amy Freytag in a rabbit- punching pictorial. Audiences didn't 
flinch at big screen steam іп 1999. Remember Cruise and Kid. 
man's coupling in Eyes Wide Shut? How about Hugh Grant's 
divine turn with Julia Roberts in Notting Hill or Shannon Eliz- 
abeth à la mode in American Pie? Jamie Malanowski does, and he 
proves it by running down this year’s most erotic moments in 
moviedom in Sex in Cinema. 

You don't need to be a Dune devotee to get sucked into the 
plotofour excerpt of Dune: House Atreides (Bantam). Brian Her- 
bert (son of Dune creator Frank Herbert) and Kevin J. Anderson 
collaborated on this prequel to the science fiction classic, 
which tracks the boyhood adventures of weapons master 
Duncan Idaho. In our sneak read, eight-year-old Duncan із 
being hunted for sport by the same heavies who murdered his 
parents, The illustration is by Kent Williams. We also excerpt 
best-selling author Scott Turow's latest page-turner, Personal 
Injuries (Farrar, Straus & Giroux). Turow relates the story 
of Robbie Feaver, a charismatic ambulance chaser who learns 
the not-so-subile meaning of quid pro quo. Its illustrated by 
Daniel Torres. 
ng to the finish, fashion director Hollis Wayne takes 
dirt bike gear to the streets in Moto, Ken Gross, our automotive 
expert, reports on the return of gas-guzzling in American Mus 
cle. And staffers Barbera Nellis and Alison Lundgren compiled 
The Campus Buzz, а ch sheet to what's cool at colleges. It 
tells you which schools have the hottest women and the best 
watering holes. 


PETERSEN 


GROBEL. 


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FREYTAG MALANOWSKI 


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Enjoy Finlandia responsibly. 


JUP LTO, То sena û әй of Finlandia оска, сй 100 SPIRITED 


PLAYBOY 


vol. 46, no. 11—november 1999 CONTENTS FOR THE MEN'S ENTERTAINMENT MAGAZINE 
PLAYBILL..... E: ACE 7 
THE WORLD OF PLAYBOY 7 Be 15 
PLAYBOY EXPO... « .. . m 16 
DEAR PLAYBOY ea 21 
PLAYBOY AFTER HOURS А 3 25 
MUSIC... a A В 28 
MOVIES LEONARD MALTIN 32 
VIDEO ч 36 
LIVING ONLINE MARK FRAUENFELDER 37 She's a TKO 
BOOKS 38 
MEN ЖТТ ASA BABER 40 
MANTRACK A E E 
THE PLAYBOY ADVISOR............. OU 5: 45 
THE PLAYBOY FORUM 45 
PLAYBOY INTERVIEW: JESSE VENTURA—candid canversatian 55 
PLAYBOY'S HISTORY OF THE SEXUAL REVOLUTION 
PART X (1990-1999): REAL SEX—article А .. JAMES R. PETERSEN 68 
TIME CAPSULE Re 150 
FUCK AND RUN 5 3 5 166 
THE KNOCKOUT—pictorial 76 
DUNE: HOUSE ATREIDES—fiction BRIAN HERBERT ond KEVIN J. ANDERSON 84 
MOTO—fashion HOLLIS WAYNE 88 
CATCH OF THE DAY—playbay’s playmate oft the manth 94 
PARTY JOKES—humor 106 
PERSONAL INJURIES—fiction Š . SCOTT TUROW 108 
AMERICAN MUSCLE—cars . . 5 КЕМ GROSS 110 Miss November 
SHERYL CROW-— person: MARKRIBOWSKY 115 
THE CAMPUS BUZZ 116 
DAVID DUVAL—profile қ CARLVIGELAND 118 
20 QUESTIONS: GEORGE JONES х 122 
SEX IN CINEMA 1999—pictorial +... text by JAMIE MALANOWSKI 126 
LITTLE ANNIE FANNY —humor RAY LAGO ond BILL SCHORR 135 
PLAYMATE NEWS Я " s 187 
PLAYBOY ON THE SCENE... uite 191 Cor Muscle 


COVER STORY 

They call her the Knockout—and she has worked hard to earn that nickname. 
Mia St. John looks more like a supermodel than an undefeated 126-pound 
featherweight boxing champ. "Female athletes don't have to look like men,” 
says Mia. Rest assured, we won't make that misiake. Our cover was produced 
by Photo Editor Marilyn Grabowski, shot by Arny Freytag and styled by Lane 
W., with hair and makeup by Alexis Vogel. Our Robbit is a master red bell. 


PRINTED IN U.S.A. 


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for whom? You are Secret Service agent Johnay "— 
Slater, and you're абое, challenged by over i 4 [ 
thirty of the,tougbest hybrid monsters you 3 F * 
ever seen. And if they succeed, an alien-created Ф < 

clone of the U.S President will take over the 4 ; E ae A 


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HYBRID HEAVEN Ais-ass 


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PLAYBOY 


HUGH M. HEFNER 
editor-in-chief 


ARTHUR KRETCHMER editorial director 


JONATHAN BLAC 


managing editor 
TOM STAEBLER art director 
GARY COLE photography director 
KEVIN BUCKLEY, STEPHEN RANDALL executive editors 
JOHN REZEK assistant managing editor 


EDITORIAL 


FICTION: ALICE к. TURNER editor; FORUM: JAMES R. PETERSEN senior staff writer; CHIP ROWE 
associate editor; josnua GREEN editorial assistant; MODERN LIVING: DAVID STEVENS edilor; веты 
TOMKIW associate editor; DAN HENLEY assistant; STAFF: CHRISTOPHER NAPOLITANO senior editor; 


BARBARA NELLIS associate editor; ALISON LUNDGREN assistant edilor; ROBERT В. DESALVO, TIMOTHY 
мони junior editors; CAROL ACKERBERG. LINDA FEIDELSON. HELEN FRANGOULIS, CAROL KUBALER. 


HARRIET PEASE, JOYCE WIECAND-RAVAS editorial assistants; FASHION: HOLIS WAVNE director; 


CARTOONS: MICHELLE URRY edifor; KERRY MALONEY assistant; COPY: LEOPOLD FROEHLICH editor; 


BRETT HUSTON, ANNE SHERMAN assistant editors; REMA SMITH senior researcher; 


EE BRAUER, GEORGE 


HODAK, KRISTEN SWANN researchers; MARK DURAN research librarian; ANAHEED ALANI. ТІМ GALVIN, 


JOSEPH HIGAREDA. JOAN MC 
CONTRIBUTING EDITORS: ASA BABER, JOE DOLCE, GRETCHEN EDGREN. LAWRENCE GROBEL KEN 


AUGHLIN. BETH WARRELL proofreaders; JOE CANE assistant; 


GROSS, WARREN KALBACKER. D. KEITH MANO, JOE MORGENSTERN. DAVID RENSIN, DAVID SHEFF 


ART 
KERIG rore managing director; BRUCE HANSEN, CHET SUSKI, LEN WILLIS senior directors; 
SCOTT ANDERSON. STEFANIE GEHRIG assistant art directors; ANN SEIDL supervisor, keyline/pasleup; 
PAUL CHAN Senior art assistant; 
CORTEZ WELLS art services coordinator; LORI PAIGE SEIDEN art department assistant 


JASON SIMONS art assistant; 


PHOTOGRAPHY 
MARILYN GRABOWSKI west coasl editor; уум LARSON managing editor—chicago; MICHAEL. ANN SULLIVAN 
senior editor; STEPHANIE BARNETT. PATTY REAUDET-FRANCÉS. KEVIN KUSTER associate editors: DAVID 
CHAN, RICHARD FECLEY, ARNY FREYTAG, RICHARD 1201, DAVID МЕСЕ, POMPEO POSAR, STEPHEN WAYDA 
contributing photographers; GEORGE crorciou studio manager—chicago; mi. wire studio 


manager—los angeles; SHELLEL wELuS stylist; ELIZABETH GEORGIOU manager, photo library 


RICHARD KINSLER 
publisher 


PRODUCTION 
MARIA MANDIS director; RITA JOHNSON manager; KATE CAMPION, JODY JURGETO, CINDY PONTARELLE, 
RICHARD QUARTAROLI, TOM SIMONEK associate managers; BARB TEKIELA, DEBBIE TILLOU Dpesetters; 


BILL BENWAY. 


SA COOK, SIMMIE WILLIAMS prepress; CHAR KKOWCZYK, ELAINE PERRY, assistants 


CIRCULATION 


LARRY A. DJEKE newsstand sales director; rivus Rorunso subscription circulation director; 


CINDY RAKOWITZ communications director 


ADVERTISING 
JAMES DIMONEKAS. advertising director; Jer kiwi. пеш york sales manager; Jot. HOFFER midwest 
sales manager; HELEN BIANCULAA, direct response manager; TERRI CARROLL research director 


READER 


RVI 


cE 


MIKE OSTROWSKI, LINDA STROM correspondents 


ADMINISTRATIVE 
MARCIA TERKONES rights c permissions director 


PLAYBOY ENTERPRISES INTERNATIONAL, INC. 
cumisri nener chairman, chief executive officer 


ALEX MIRONOVICH president, publishing division 


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tommy 


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7 - 


THERE WAS AN OLD LADY WHO 
LIVED FOR A SHOE. 


For Chairman Mother Gert Boyle, that 
fairy tale wasn't a nursery rhyme, it was 
a primer on making the Bugabootoo™ 
Its waterproof full grain leather upper, 
double latex seam-sealed construction 
and injection molded waterproof shell 
keep you dry, while its Thermolite” 
insulation keeps your toes from freezing 
(all the way down to —25° F). Add to 
that a removable EVA footbed and 
carbon rubber lug outsole, and you have 
the kind of shoe you could live in. Fora 


dealer near you call 1-800-MA BOYLE. 
$ Columbia 
Sportswear Company. 


www.columbia.com 


THE WORLD ОҒ PLAYBOY 


hef sightings, mansion frolics and nightlife notes 


FOX OR SABLE? 

The wrestler formerly known as Sable flexed more than a 
smile in her second PLAYBOY pictorial this past year. At the 
Mansion to promote Playboy Expo, she proved you don't 
have to do push-ups to get everyone's attention. 


ha m 


HEF AND WARREN HOOK UP ^ врео 
Warren Beatty stopped by Hef's table at Trader Vic's to say hello to his old friend 

as well as to meet Mandy, Sandy and Brande. Look for Warren in Town and Coun- 
try, a comedy co-starring another old friend, Diane Keaton 


BIRTHDAY BASH 

Pals, including Hef and Playmate of the 
Year 1999 Heather Kozar, had a blast help- 
ing Tony Curtis blow out his birthday can- 
dles at La Dome. 


NIGHTLIFE 
Не! ran into Jason Biggs 
(above)—he's one of the 
stars of American Pie—at 
а party for singer Britney 
Spears at Hollywood's 
hippest hangout, the 
Standard Hotel on Sun- 
set Strip. Stepping out for 
another evening at one of 
Hef's favorite clubs, the 
Garden of Eden, our Adam 
and seven Eves (left) pre- 
pare to eat the apple. 


DR. EVIL'S CLONE | 
Verne Troyer plays Mini-Me in Austin 
Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me. 
Here, he plays around with Playmate 
Ava Fabian at a Blockbuster Home 
Video reception at the Mansion. Aus- 
tin should be so lucky. 


15 


> 
| (1) Fans from 
EY all around the 


world made * 


the pilgrimage to West Hollywood's Pacific 
Design Center for the first-ever Playboy Ex- 
po, held in July. (2) Live jazz, and catering 
by Wolfgang Puck, brightened up the patio, 


= with a hint of things to come. (3) Hef’s high 


on the hog with the Bentley twins. (4) Artist 
LeRoy Neiman with an autograph seeker. (5) 
Hef and two Jet Bunnies in front of a mod- 
el of his airplane, the Big Bunny. (6) Kimber- 
ley Conrad Hefner and Hef. (7) Hef is in- 
terviewed as he autographs a braille copy 
of PLAYBOY. (8) When they weren’t hanging 
out with Playmates, fans admired Playboy’s 
famed art collection. (9) The Bunnies are all 
ears. (10) A Bunny toots her own horn. (11) 
Hef responds to questions about his leg- 
endary life. (12) A sign of the times. 


GRAND MARNIER' STRAIGHT UP 
IN A SNIFTER, ON THE ROCKS, 
HOWEVER IT TEMPTS YOU. 


SPEAKING YOUR MIND, BARING YOUR SOUL, DRINKING i lÎ А, STRAIGHT UP. 


Grand Marnier 


IT CHANGES EVERYTHING. 


(1) Тһе two-day Expo featured Playmate 
meet-and-greets, jazz, a cigar bar and a casi- 
no where gamblers bet with play money. (2) 
Playboy TV stars in the flesh. (3) Bunny 
see, Bunny do. (4) Blackjack and Bunny 
Dips. (5) Included in the memorabilia were 
vintage PLAYBOYS and classic Bunny figu- 
rines. (6) More than 150 Playmates were on 
hand. (7) Gene Simmons flaunts his trade- 
mark tongue. (8) Heather Kozar, Hef and 
Brande Roderick warm up his round bed. 
(9) Jessica Hahn doesn’t let an injury ruin 
her PLAYBOY spirit. (10) Rena Mero, former- 
ly known as Sable, promotes her September 
cover. (11) Fantasy meets reality as Play- 
mates greet fans. (12) Fans view vintage 
PLAYBOY covers. 

(13) The popular 

Playboy Store. 


THEKGDL 
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KQDL“Discover What Comes Naturally Sweepstakes” 


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Norwood, MN 55583-5739. 


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NATURAL MENTHOL FROM BRAND КІ, 55; 


DEAR PLAYBOY 


680 NORTH LAKE SHORE DRIVE 
CHICAGO, ILLINOIS 60611 
FAX 312 649.9534. 
E-MAIL DEARPEGOPLAYBOY COM 
PLEASE INCLUDE YOUR DAYTIME PHONE NUNBER 


MAN, OH MAN 
Congratulations to Adam Carolla and 

Jimmy Kimmel (The Man Show, August) 
for taking on the juggernaut that charac- 
terizes men as bumbling idiots. When 
NBC weatherman Al Roker was asked 
how he succeeds in his marriage, he not- 
ed that learning two words early on is vi 
tal. Those two words are "Yes, dear. 
Thercare many good reasons for men to 
celebrate manhood, and Carolla and Kim- 
mel are definitely on track. 

Denny Huffman 

Grand Junction, Colorado 


It is screwed-up attitudes such 
as the ones perpetuated by Carolla and 
Kimmel on The Man Show that give re- 
spectable men a bad name 
Chad Myers 
Altus, Oklahoma 


ILOVE LUCY 
Lucy Liu (20 Questions, August) i 
wrong to think that no one will be curi- 
ous about her statement concerning her 
vagina. Perhaps eaveoy should consider 
а pictorial to prove the point. 
Brian Stanley 
Shorewood, Illinois 


You can't imagine how delighted 1 
when I saw Lucy Liu in PLAYBOY and how 
disappointed I was when I turned the 
page expecting to find a pictorial of the 
Asian beauty. That was quite a teaser. 1 
look forward to seeing much more of 
Lucy in future issues 

Alan Cozens 
Santa Fe, New Mexico 


RULES FOR SURVIVAL 

As a school emergency management 
and planning professional, I appreciate 
Asa Baber’s August Men column, “Un- 
der Fire: The Rules,” on what students 
should do in situations like the one that 
occurred at Columbine High. Sadly, 
countless schools in the U.S. have no 
effective emergency management pro- 


gram in place. Everyone with a child i 
school should demand to see the school's 
emergency plan and a log of when and 
how the drills are conducted. They are 
likely to be dismayed at what they find 
And they should demand effective plan- 
ning. That doesn't require a lot of mon- 
ey, just dedication from school officials 
Broeck Oder 
Monterey, California 


I've already taught my children rules 
one through three, but I would like to 
thank Asa Baber for bringing the other 
six rules to my attention. I have repeat- 
edly told my children that it’s hard to 
look cool when you're dead. This moth- 
er of three wants to thank Baber for his 
great insight. 


Patty Smith 
Beloit, Wisconsin 


School is a frightening place nowa- 
days, and I'm afraid for my daughter. 
who's just three and a half months old. 
Baber's advice is invaluable. I know it 
will help me prepare and protect her 
when she reaches school age. 

Carrie Ruth Lennox 

Albuquerque, New Mexico 


BABELING BROOKS 
Despite what Ross Perot would have 

you believe, that giant sucking sound 
you hear is actually Bill Zehme planting 
a prolonged smooch on Albert Brooks’ 
tokhes in the August Playboy Interview. 
For God's sake, man, show some digni 
ty. The only thing more embarrassing is 
Zehme's assertion that Brooks’ loss of 
the Best Supporting Actor award to Sean 
Connery constitutes “one of history's 
most cr ial Oscar upsets." Connery 
gave a great. performance in The Un- 
touchables. On the other hand, Brooks" 
performance in Broadcast News was the 
same neurotic, narcissistic nebbish act 
that he delivers in all his films. 

Trevor Gordon-Smythe 

Lauderdale es, Florida 


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21 


PLAYBOY 


22 


SINGING FOR SOPRANOS 
Thank you for shedding a little more 

light on the guiltiest form of television 
pleasure in 1999, HBO's The Sopranos 
Joe Morgenstern's review (Television, Au- 
gust) eloquently describes why this show 
is like catnip to the 
viewer who has turned ai from the 
networks. James Gandolfini's portrayal 
of Tony Soprano knocks me on my ass. If 
my circle of friends is any barometer, he 
has sent more than a few women's heart 
rates rocketing while giving new hope to 
every guy over 35 who struggles with 
thinning hair and a few extra pounds. A 
huge grazie to Morgenstern. 

Susan Rudner 

Schaumburg, Illinois 


Your August review of The Sopranos is 
interesting but not accurate. Tony isn't a 
hit man, he’s a Mob boss. Morgenstern 
describes Tony as a remorseless enforcer, 
but I think he's a thinking man's boss— 
always looking for ways to move from 
the traditional Mob business to a more 
profitable one. 


Chuck Sever 
Enfield, Connecticut 


HELLO, MISS AMERICAN PIE 
Shannon Elizabeth is a divine gift in 
your photo layout (August) and in Amer- 
ican Pie. My girlfriend and I were rolling 
in the aisle of the movie theater while the 
guy three rows behind us was escorted 
out for trying to spank himself during 
Shannon's big scene. Compliments to 
photographer Davis Factor for the i 
pressive photos. 
Jim Brighton 
Havelock, North Carolina 


I would like my slice of American Pie à 
la mode. 
Kevin Russo 
Naugatuck, Connecticut 


The Shannon Elizabeth pictorial is a 
masterpiece. This young woman is going 
places. 

Brian Quillia 
New Haven, Connecticut 


I've been a subscriber for 27 years, 
and Гус never before been compelled to 
wsoy. Davis Factor has done 
ing job on Shannon Elizabeth's 
he has me spellbound 

Dan Rivard 
Pontiac, Illinois 


Shannon is so hot, the pictorial pages 
melted in my hands. 

Shane Detert 

South Bend, Indiana 


GREAT SCOTT 

Thank you, PLAYBOY, for showing the 
world that a woman doesn't have to be 
tall and thin and have a tiny waist to be 
a Playmate. Miss August 1999, Rebecca 


Scott (Scott. Free), is drop-dead gorgeous 
at 58”, 140 pounds and with a 28” waist. 
The icing on the cake is that she's 27 
years old. 


Mary Picard 
Hollywood, Maryland 


My wife and I subscribe to and are 
avid readers of PLAYBOY. Sadly, we've по- 
ticed that many of the pictorial subjects 
are much too thin. How refreshing to 
see Rebecca Scott, a classic beauty with 
a beautiful face, rounded curves and a 
well-proportioned figure. We hope to 
see more average-sized women like Re- 
becca in future issues. Thanks for ргоу- 
ing that you don't have to be a size three 
to be sexy. 


Mike Caldwell 
Coquille, Oregon 


I haven't se 
becca Scott's 


a heavenly body like Re- 
nce the Hubble Space 


Telescope brought us images of 
planetary clouds and formations. A con- 
stellation should be named after he 


Katy, Texas 


Miss August is voluptuous. It's a nice 
change to see a true representation of 
the girl next door. 
Jaime Bower 
Albuquerque, New Mexico 


Rebecca Scott is a knockout. It's about 
time the world discovered that there's 
than beer and cheese. 

Rick Richmond 

Wausau, Wisconsin 


BEACH BLANKET BINGO 

I'm a 42-year-old mother of two who 
has subscribed to PLAYBOY for 24 years. 
Like suntan lotion and a beach ball, your 
magazine is an absolute necessity at the 
beach. I took along a couple of your 
summer issues so [ could catch up оп 


my reading while basking in the sun. Be- 
fore long, a group of good-looking men 
walked past me and one of them stopped 
dead in his tracks when he saw 
ing material, Now that's what 1 call an 
breaker 


Laura Hodgkins 
Medford, Massachusetts 


ACTION FIGURE 
I love the Nell McAndrew cover and 
pictorial (Action Figure, August). 1 have 
played the Tomb Raider video game and 
purchased the Lara Croft action figures. 
1 have a question: Is it as easy to push 
ме buttons as it 
Jay Highfield 
Johnson City, New York 


Nell McAndrew is the quintessential 
beautiful Englis 
she likes boxing. I'll happily share 
roast beef and Yorkshire pudding with 
her and go a few rounds any day: 
Edward Hallett 
Sacramento, California 


STAR WARS 
PLAYBOY movie critic Leonard Maltin 

is a man with a level head. Instead of 
jumping on the Star Wars: Episode I—The 
Phantom Menace bandwagon, he didn't 
follow the critical pack. 

Ryan Bladzik 

East Lansing, Michigan 


WE'VE COME FULL CIRCLE 

Here's how I would follow-up Carl 
Sherman's Root Rage (July) with a brief 
history of medicine: 


2000 кс —Here, eat this root 


1000 A.p.— That root is bad. 
Here, say this prayer. 


1850 a.0.—That prayer is superstition. 


Here, drink this potion. 


1940 an — That potion is snake oil. 
Here, swallow this 


1985 an. —That 
Here, take this a 


2000 an— That antibiotic doesn't 
work anymore. 
Here, eat this root. 
Scou M. 
Irving, 


WHAT SORT OF MAN READS PLAYBOY 

Nell McAndrew and Stanley Kubrick. 
Shannon Elizabeth and Albert Brook: 
Hubba-hubba for the loins and three 
cheers for the intellect. I vill seal a spare 
copy in a time capsule and call it my fa- 
vorite issue. 

Panos C 

oria, British Columbia 


Available At 


SATURDAY TE (6%, Fs 


MAME = DORUM e "MI A 


Also available on DVD 


Ihcut notice TM. & Copyright С) 1990 by Paramount 
www.paramount.com/homevideo 


PLAYBOY 


24 


How do you make cranberries Scarlett? 


SOUTHERY 
CRANBERRY 


Pour 17 02. Southern Comfort over 
ice and fill with cranberry juice. 
Add a wedge of lime, and enjoy 
the unique taste of the South. 


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Southern Comfort Company: Liqueur, 21-5095 Ale, By Volume, Louisville, KY 1000 


The unique charm of Southern Comfort is best experienced responsibly. 
www.southerncomfort.com 


PLAYBOY AFTER HOURS 


G.I. FEEL USED 


After all the flak that Mattell's Barbie 
has received for popularizing a body im- 
age no female can live up to, Harvard 
psychiatrist Harrison Pope decided to 
take a similar look at G.I. Joe's pecs and 
specs. While the original Joe doll in the 
Sixties had biceps measuring, in human 
scale, a reasonable 12 inches round, the 
1997 G.1. Joe Extreme packs 26-inch bi- 
ceps. That's a good six inches bigger than 
even the most driven arm pumper. Guess 
that's what happens when you spend 
night after night alone in the toy box. 


DICKTIONARY 


Attention Maxim readers. If you still 
want to talk about the things you already 
talk about but use words that sound 
more elevated than their subject matter, 
refer to Depraved English (St. Martin's 
Press). The book collects terms that are 
lascivious, derogatory and revolting—so 
you can leer, insult or disgust with words 
most Ph.D.s are too square to use. For 
example, you'll learn that cyesolagnia is 
a lust for pregnant women. The entries 
offer historical notes, too: “Feague has 
had a wide variety of meanings over the 
century. The only definition that inter- 
ests us, however, concerns the anus of a 
horse.” And if the image of pony buns 
strikes you as oddly scintillating, you 
may have a touch of zooerastia. 


BEAM МЕ UP FATIMA 


Putting a tech spin on the red-light 
district, Brazilian hookers who work the 
beach in Rio now grab the attention of 
potential customers by tagging them 
with laser pointers. 


MOUNTAIN OYSTER SAUCE 


Although fast food chains are flourish- 
ing in Beijing, there are still restaurants 
whose biggie fries aren’t necessarily po- 
tatoes. At the Scorpion King, crowds go 
wild for fried scorpions garnished with 
mounds of ants. When shoppers finish at 
the Playboy boutique they can head for 
the chain Baked Pig Face, which serves 
just that—a whole head of a pig baked 


for 12 hours with 30 herbs and spices. 
Like Kentucky Fried Chicken, the owner 
has patented the baked pig recipe along 
with another that may soon yield а res- 
taurant chain with an unusual specialty: 
roast ox penis. That's what we call a Mr. 
Happy Meal. 


DOWN-TO-BUSINESS CLASS 


Finally someone has gone the extra 
mile to add some glamour to transat- 
lantic flights. Virgin Atlantic will be the 
first airline to install double beds on its 
jets for business-class passengers who 
make the run between New York and 
London. We understand that Air France 
plans to counter the move by installing. 
single beds—but with the added feature 
of headrests at both ends 


PSSST.COM 


Your boss stinks. No, really—and now 
there's a way to tell him without losing 
your job. Several Internet companies 
will anonymously inform someone about 
body odor, dandruff or bad breath for 
you. The put-downs come in plain en- 
velopes and have phony return address- 


ILLUSTRATION BY GARY KELLEY 


es. As a rule, we prefer gentlehints.com 
for its standardized letters that deal with 
bathroom habits and flatulence. We 
turn to tellthemforme.com, another no- 
table service, for admonitions regarding 
strange hairstyles and bad fashion taste. 


GO BARES 


The University of California’s team 
name, the Golden Bears, is synonymous- 
ly apt. The campus’ student swimming 
pools now post schedules that include 
times when toplessness is permitted. 


WHY YOU CAN PROCEED WITH THAT 
MOVE TO NEW MEXICO 


‘The Native American Church has an 
nounced a deal with the Pentagon per- 
mitting military employees who belong 
to the church to use the sacramental hal- 
lucinogen peyote. However, the agree- 
ment prohibits the use of peyote by those 
who work with nuclear weapons. 


SOW WHAT? 

Ме knew they were angry. We never 
thought they would be funny. A bumper 
sticker spotted by a reader in Scottsdale, 
Arizona bears the lines GROW YOUR OWN 
DOPE. PLANT A MAN. 


THE FULL BODY SHOP 


From Тае-Во to tie one on. We һауе 
finally found a health regimen that 
sounds appealing: vinotherapy. The first 
vinotherapy spa recently opened in Bor- 
deaux (where else?) using products de- 
rived from vines (grape-sced oil massag 
сз), wine (barrel baths) or wine-making 
(wine yeast extract wraps). Best of all, af- 
ter a strenuous day of swimming in wine, 
you can have some at the spa's world- 
class restaurant or at a wine seminar. 
Even if you miss a few workouts, you'll 
probably head home with a case of long 
legs and a nice finish 


DEMIGLOBAL POSITIONING 


A British inventor is taking women's 
safety concerns to heart. Now in the test- 
ing stage, the Techno Bra prototype is 
stuffed with a pulse-rate monitor and a 


25 


26 


RAW DATA 


QUOTE 
“Now that I'm in 
this business, I un- 
derstand the allure 
of market share and 
killing the opposi- 
tion." —PAUL NEWMAN 
ABOUT HIS FOOD LINE 


HEIDI HO 

Annual amount 
that businesses spend 
per capita pitching 
goods and services to 
consumers in Swit- 
zerland: $415; in the 
U.S.: $362; in Japan: 
$347; in China: $3. 


FACT OF THE MONTH 
According to Useless Sexu- 
al Trivia (Simon & Schuster), 
the speed of an initial burst 
of semen: 28 mph. Specd of 
world-record-holding 100- 
yard-dash runner: 27 mph. 


BUSINESS 
BOOLA-BOOLA 
Among chief ex- 

ecutives of the 100 
largest corporations 
and financial firms 
in the country, the 
number who hold undergraduate de- 
grees from Ivy League schools: 11. 


HELLO, BABY 
Percentage of women in the U.S. 
who have had at least one unplanned 
pregnancy during their lifetime: 48. 


THE DIAMOND MARKET 

Amount a man from Florida paid 
for the Yankees uniform Lou Gehrig 
wore when he retired in 1939 (mak- 
ing it the third most expensive piece 
of sports memorabilia): $451,541 
Amount paid for a Honus Wagner 
tobacco card (the second most ех- 
pensive piece): $640,500. The price 
paid for Mark McGwire's 70th home 
run ball (the most expensive piece): 
$3 million. 


COLLATERAL IN THE WIND 
Amount that Elton John reportedly 
charges on his credit cards each week: 
$400,000. Size of loan he is seeking to 
pay off his bills: $40 million. 


WRECKLESS 
Amount paid by a Tennessee doc- 
tor for the wrecked SUV in which 
country singer George Jones was near- 


ly killed: $22,000. 


DEREK AND THE 
DINEROS 
Record price paid 
for a 1956 sunburst 
Stratocaster used by 
Eric Clapton to re- 
cord Layla: $497,500. 
The previous record 
price for a guitar, 
owned by Jimi Hen- 
drix: $320,000. 


NECKING BY 
NUMBERS 

In a recent Glam- 
cur magazine poll of 
10,166 Americans, 
percentage of men 
who say they enjoy 
nuzzling a woman's 
neck: 10. Percentage 
of women who say 
they find being nuz- 
zled arousing: 97. 
Percentage of both 
sexes who find kiss- 
ing in public erotic: 95. 


NET GAINS 

According to American Sports Da- 
tà, percentage increase since 1987 in 
the number of Americans playing 
basketball: 26. Percentage increase in 
number of Americans playing soccer: 
18. Percentage decrease in Am 
playing baseball: 12; softball: 29. 


DRAIN DOUGH 
Average annual number of kids 
who visit emergency rooms because 
they've swallowed coins: 21.000. 


POETRY IN MOTION 
In a nationwide survey by Progres- 
sive Insurance, percentage of male 
motorcyclists who are emotionally 
moved by poetry: 62; percentage of 
nonmotorcyclists so moved: 23. 


BELOW THE BELT 
Number of women by whom Evan- 
der Holyfield has fathered his 9 chil- 
dren: б. 
BOND RATING 
On a scale of one to ten, rating 
Catherine Zeta-Jones gives Sean Con- 
пету for his kisses: “11 plus." 
— BETTY SCHAAL 


global positioning satellite locator. The 
device, designed by Kursty Groves, picks 
up jumps in heartbeats that indicate the 
wearer has been frightened or is in trou 
ble. It then notifies police of the where- 
abouts of the imperiled hooters. 


WISE CRACK 


In 1996 Vincent Marino, a.k.a. Gigi 
Portalla, took a bullet in the butt at a 
shootout in a New England nightclub 
Alter Gigi underwent surgery to remove 
it, a federal drug agent whispered in his 
ear that he now had a bug in his butt in- 
stead of the bullet. For years Gigi fretted 
about the tracking device supposedly 
implanted in his ass and looked to have 
it removed. Recently, a U.S. district 
judge ordered authorities to reveal once 
and for all whether Gigi was on their 
radar screen. According to U.S. Attorney 
Donald Stern, “the Drug Enforcement 
Administration did not implant a track- 
ing device in defendant Vincent ‘Gi- 
gi Portalla’ Marino's buttocks." But he 
added, “We cannot speak for extrater- 
restrial beings.” Gigi is sitting comfort- 
ably in prison awaiting trial on racke- 
teering charges. 


POLITICAL BASE 


According to MSNBC, Dan Quayl 
ез МАС cosmetics when making public 
appearances. According to МАС presi- 
dent John Demsey, so does RuPaul. Did 
somebody say Dream Ticket? 


CITY OF ANGLES 


We understand there is a new position 
called the California Stretch—a smoking 
ban contortion performed by bar pa 
trons in Los Angeles, With legs spread, 
one hand holds а cigarette outside the 
door while the other reaches to keep a 
drink on the inside. 


AUSTRALIAN FOR POLICE SWEEP 


How do you keep hordes of maraud- 
ing teens away from the mall? The War- 
rawong Westfield mall in Wollongong 
(south of Sydney) came up with thi 
pellent: playing Bing Crosby records 
over the public address system. Loud- 
ly. And it worked. “All the people from 
Warrawong High used to hang here af- 
ter school. Now you don't see them,” one 
student told the BBC, The local constab- 
ulary is looking at ways to use this suc- 
cessful method in public squares and 
railway stations. However, il der Bingle's 
success at taming the teen population 
wanes, Wollongong officials have an al 
ternate plan. They say they will install 
pink lights in the mall to heighten the 
appearance of unsightly pimples 


son- 


WORD PLAY OF THE MONTH 


A posting on altanagrams had this 
listing for The Playboy Centerfold: Tall 
honey, perfect body 


== Tur HANS ls Lege 


COUNTRY 


NEVER COUNT out the great ones. Cold 
Hord Truth (Asylum), George Jones ump- 
teenth album, proves this conclusively. 
Jones, the greatest living country sing- 
er, has never made a bad album in his 
40-year career. But he hasn't made one 
this good since working with producer 
Billy Sherrill ten years ago. At times, this 
album's producer, Keith Stegall, veers 
close to just remaking those old discs, 
with their beautifully understated suring 
arrangements. The title track is pretty 
much He Stopped Loving Her Today with 
new lyrics, and Our Bed of Roses reprises 
A Good Year for the Roses. But those are 
two of the greatest records Jones ever 
made, and are well worth replicating. 
Ain't Love а Lot Like That is the most ef- 
fective up-tempo honky-tonk Jones has 
done since the late Sixties. Sinners and 
Sainis somehow manages to combine 
honky-tonk music with a gospel message 
of tolerance and an assault on small- 
town gossip. But the real brilliance of the 
album is in the way Choices, Cold Hard 
Truth, You Never Know Just How Good 
You've Got It and When the Last Curtain 
Falls convey a boozer's confessions. This 
is autobiographical music Jones has nev- 
er before even hinted at making. He can 
break your heart just singing the word 
fool. When he sings it with a finger 
pointed at himself, it doubles the plea- 
sure and pain. [for more George, see 20 
Questions, page 122.) 

When's the last time anybody made а 
good jug band album? The J-Band, a 
group led by John Sebastian, has done it 
with Chasin” Gus’ Ghost (Hollywood). The 
title is a tribute to Gus Cannon of Can- 
non’s Jug Stompers, one of the greatest 
jug bands of the Twenties and Thirties. 
Jimmy Vivino's production makes the 
music feel contemporary, but the added 
touch of authentic jug band originator 
Yank Rachell adds authenticity to this 
joyous music. —DAVE MARSH 


BLUES 


Albert King With Stevie Ray Vaughan: In 
Session (Stax) documents an extraordi- 
nary 1983 jam session featuring two 
great blues stylists. Vaughan had just 
released his debut album and gained 
worldwide exposure playing on David 
Bowie's comeback hit Let's Dance. He'd 
been invited to jam with King, his hero, 
on the Canadian TV show Jn Session. 
White bluesmen always sang the praises 
of Muddy Waters and В.В. King, but it 
was Albert King's style they mimicked. 
Eric Clapton made Robert Johnson 
Crossroads a hit, but he played it like 
King, with the screaming bends and 


28 stinging high notes that were Albert's 


Jones returns tougher than ever, 
Philip Glass records Dracula, 
and the blues masters jam. 


trademark. King felt honored, but also 
ripped ott, by the admiration. So һе 
wasted no time in letting his latest pro- 
tégé know how he felt about Stevie's 
work with Bowie: “I heard you doing 
all my shit on there.” Stevie kept his 
head down and followed Albert's lead 
through a smoldering version of Storm) 
Monday and four other blues standards. 
King is clearly moved by the intensity 
of Vaughan's playing as they trade leads 
as though they've been on the road to- 
gether for years. After incendiary romps 
through Vaughan's Pride and Joy and a 
challenge from King to “play like Hen- 
drix"—which Stevie pulls off—King 
beams like a proud father. He even ad- 
mits he’s ready to turn over his legacy to 
Vaughan. It’s the emotional climax of 
the most impressive cross-generational 
blues summit. For a full dose of Albert's 
seminal genius, pick up Blues Masters: The 
Very Best of Albert King (Rhino). This ret- 
rospective contains his classic Crosscul 
Saw, Born Under a Bad Sign and Blues Pow- 
er, with King's searing leads backed by 
Booker Т. and the MGs. —vic GARBAKINI 


ROCK 


The nine bands that appear on Help Us 
Get High (Shanachie) have seen the fu- 
ture of rock, and they think it's kind of 
Phishy. That's as in Phish, the Vermont 
improvisers who've become the current 
answer to the Grateful Dead. The Dead 
drew on blues, folk and other traditional 


forms of American music. Phish acolytes 
Hosemobile and Jiggle the Handle rely 
on jam-friendly modern Afro-beat, reg- 
gae and James Brown funk for their 
grooves. Mixed with a little Miles and a 
touch of Zappa, these songs float you in- 
to the zone. —VIC GARBARINI 


POP 


Kim Richey writes catchy songs, but. 
her introspectiveness takes her out of 
country and into the realm of Lilith Fair. 
Successful at writing for others (most 
notably Radney Foster and Trisha Year- 
wood) but unsuccessful with her own 
first two albums, Richey scores as a pop 
diva with her third, Glimmer (Mercury). 
These 14 tunes have so many hooks that 
you'll be hitting replay all day while 
wondering, With a voice like that, why 
did she ever write for anybody else? She 
hits all the notes with a bell-like reso- 
nance and startling accuracy, projecting 
a vulnerability that allows her meanings 
to work at different levels. Even when 
she's professing optimism (Can't Lose 
Them All), she has a quaver of sadness 
that betrays a darker reality. Bleak isn't 
the point, though. Emotional truth is the 
point, and that's what this music offers. 

— CHARLES M. YOUNG 


R&B 


Jack Knight is a New York-based sing- 
er-songwriter whose debut, Gypsy Blues 
(Universal), successfully melds R. Kelly's 
ballad style with more traditional and 
progressive aspects of R&B. That sounds 
like a hodgepodge, but Knight brings it 
off with a soulful vocal style and well- 
arranged tracks. In particular, the bass 
and guitar throughout Gypsy Blues аге 
funky and tasteful. Who Do You Love, the 
tale of a woman torn between love and 
addiction, has a strong Seventies flavor. 
Blueberry Winter echoes early Prince. Ooh 
I Love It has a great vibrant bass line that 
recalls disco without being clichéd. The 
title cut is a down-tempo track on which 
Knight delivers a sweet Michael Jack- 
son-like vocal. My favorite is The Cross, 
with its dirty drum sound, bluesy guitar 
and evocative vocal. 1 could have done 
without the cover of the Time's Gigolos 
Get Lonely Too; Knight sings it a little too 
seriously. Still, Gypsy Blues is one of the 
most impressive debuts of 1999. 

Though Curtis Mayfield is justifiably 
celebrated for Superfly, his soundtrack 
work is more extensive than one master- 
piece. Claudine (Right Stuff), which ac- 
companied the 1974 film starring James 
Earl Jones and Diahann Carroll, fca- 
tures the voices of Gladys Knight and 
the Pips. It's full of juicy cuts such as On 


Reception. 


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Panasonic 


just slightly ahead of our time? 


апа On and Make Yours a Happy Home. 
This marriage of Knight's full vocals 
and Mayfield's compositions, while not 
so celebrated as his collaboration with 
Aretha Franklin on Sparkle, is pretty 
damn good — NELSON GEORGE 


RAP 


Only hip-hop obsessives can track the 
comings and goings of the Wu Tang 
Clan, whose members have generated 
over a dozen albums since Enter the Wu- 
Tang (36 Chambers) laid out the Staten 
Island street agenda іп 1993. In 1999 
alone the Wu has thrown up the all-new 
Wu-Chronicles hodgepodge on its own 
Wu-Tang label, as well as the second so- 
lo project by GZA/Genius, Beneath the 
Surface (MCA). This obscure and entic- 
ing manifesto adds the balm of some fe- 
male voices—a welcome touch. But that 
doesn't mean outsiders are liable to 
brave its imaginative surface. The RZA Hits 
(Epic) is a welcome solution to this prob- 
lem. RZA is Wu-Tang's master producer, 
inventor of the signature sound that 
added kung fu dialogue, piano and or- 
chestral washes to the funk. On this com- 
ion, RZA cherry- ісі the most ac- 
cessible creations from both Enter the 
Wu-Tang and the solo work of Method 
Man, Raekwon, Ol’ Dirty Bastard and— 
orite—Ghostface Killah. Mu 
ly simple by Wu standards, but long on 
jokes, boasts, come-ons and stories, these 
street anthems rationalize the collective's 
survivalist, postgangsta, Black Muslim- 
derived ethos with poetry and moral 
dignity. Ghostface Killah sums it up thus: 
“The truth in the song be the pro-black 
teaching.” — ROBERT CHRISTGAU 


CABARET 


What a concept: a gorgeous voice and 
a gorgeous melody. That's what you'll 
get from Patricia O'Callaghar's Stow Fox 
(Marquis Classics), an exploration of 
cabaret singing. Even if you're not yet 

aret fan, O'Callaghan will break 
) your heart in those late-night 
moments. — CHARLES м. YOUNG 


CLASSICAL 

A lot of Philip Glass’ recent recorded 
music has been disappointing. But two 
new CDs remind us what he is capa- 
ble of. Dracula (Nonesuch), а «соғ 
composed for the rerelease of the Bela 
іс, features bi ntly 
work by the Kronos Quartet. 
Aguas da Amazonia (Point) comes per- 
ilously close to New Age, but this perfor- 
mance by the Brazilian group Uakti is 
magically inspired. While Dracula evokes 
тапвуіу; and Aguas conjures up the 
in forest, both show us how wonder- 
fully expansive and universal Glass’ mu- 
sic can be. — LEOPOLD FROEHLICH 


FAST TRACKS 


Christgau 


George Jones 
Cold Hard Truth 


6 


Albert King With 
Stevie Ray 
Vaughan: 

In Session 


Jock Knight 
Gypsy Blues 


Kim Richey 
Glimmer 


so [ju jo |o 


ain IN |0 
о |o |o |с 
о |o IS IN 


10 


DIAMONDS ON THE SOLES OF HER SHOES 
DEPARTMENT: New York's Metropolitan 
Museum of Art will feature an exbibit 
exploring the links between rock and. 
fashion. It begins December 9 and 
runs until March, when it will move to 
the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in 
Cleveland until September 2000. 

REELING AND ROCKING: Look for the 
four-hour CBS miniseries Shake, Rat- 
tle and Roll, starring the Mighty Mighty 
Bosstones' Dickey Barrett as Bill Haley and 
Terence Trent D'Arby as Jackie Wilson. 
Shake boasts a previously unrecorded 
Dylan song, a new Carole King track and 
contributions from B.B. King and song- 
writers Lament Dozier, Leiber and Stol- 
ler and Graham Nash. , . . A comedy 
called Woodstuck is in the works. It fol- 
lows a family that gets stuck in traffic 
en route to the 1969 festival. A family- 
friendly Woodstock film? What would 
Janis say? 

NEWSBREAKS: T-Boz OÍ TLC will soon 
have a book of inspirational poctry 
and personal essays in stores, pub- 
lished by Harper Collins. It will in 
clude her own photos and an audio 
version on CD. Twisted Sisters Dee 
Snider has been using the airwaves to 
host a radio show on Connecticut's 
WMRQ 104 FM. . ... Cypress Hill's re- 
lease of their fifth studio album will 
be followed by a U.S. tour. . . . Hours, 
the new David Bowie CD, lude 
What's Really Happening, the song he 
wrote with cyberspace collaborator Al- 
ex Grant. . . . Another cybercollabora- 
поп: Pat DiNizie of the Smithereens has 
launched psycholaborations.com, 
where lyricists can submit prose for 
DiNizio to set to music, record and 
deliver back to the writer on cassette, 
DAT, CD or MP3. DiNizio got the idea 
from old matchbook covers and ads 
on the backs of comic boo! . Vio- 


linist Nigel Kennedy has given 
drix the classical treatment in The Ken- 
nedy Experience, an extended instru- 
mental work in six movements. Each 
movement was inspired by one of 
Jimi’s songs. Kennedy performs with 
an eight piece chamber group on Pur- 
ple Haze, Third Stone From the Sun, Fire 
and Little Wing, among others. Of 
Hendrix, Kennedy says, “He was a 
great composer.” Jimi was known to 
have loved classical music. . .. Think 
of them as part of PLAYBOY'S adopted 
family: М, Bobby, Billy D. and Bryce Hef- 
ner make up the Lawrence, Kansas- 
based combo known as the Hefners. 
The band’s goal: to play the Playboy 
Mansion. While they await the call, 
the Hefners specialize in punk pacans 
to the Playmates on Lay Off: This Is the 
Old Man's Private Poison. You can catch 
up with them at pilgrimpage.com/mi 
cromag/hefners.html. . . . Bush's new 
album, The Science of Things, will be 
out any day. . . . Metallica’s El Cerrito, 
California home, the launch site for 
Ride the Lightning amd Masters of Pup- 
pets, went on sale for an asking price 
of $950,000. Tommy Hilfiger is u: 
Jewel in his women's sportswe 
company sponsored her tour thi 
past summer. . . . The National Por- 
trait Gallery in London has mount- 
ed a show displaying sign 
people of the century. The group іп- 
cludes Winston Churchill and Virginio 
Woolf, of course, but right next to 
them will be the Rolling Stones and Sid 
Vicious. Let's hear it for Busta's 
shoes: Rapper Busta Rhymes has added 
a shoe line to Bushi, which already 
hirts and hats at bushide 
gns.com. “These shoes are me, what 
hip-hop culture asks for,” says Busta, 
whose next big move is to expand the 
line into retail stores.—BARBARA NELLIS 


Think light. 


© Philip Morris Inc. 1998 
4 mg "tar; 0.4 mg nicotine ev. par cigarette by FTC method. 


SURGEON GENERAL'S WARNING: Smoking 


Causes Lung Cancer, Heart Disease, 
Emphysema, And May Complicate Pregnancy. 


32 


MOVIES 


By LEONARD MALTIN 


STEVEN SODERBERGH is incapable of mak- 
ing an uninteresting film. His latest, The 
Limey (Artisan), is a modest effort about 
a British criminal who goes to Los Ange- 
les seeking revenge for the death of his 
daughter. Casting is one of the movie's 
strong suits: Terence Stamp stars as a 
gutsy loner who will not be deterred and 
even appears in his own flashbacks (foot- 
age from the 1967 Kenneth Loach film 
Poor Cow). Peter Fonda plays the high- 
living sleaze who was involved with the 
daughter, and Barry Newman is his 
strong-arm sidekick. Soderbergh makes 
excellent use of offbeat LA locations and 
employs a showy, nonlinear editing tech- 
nique. Still, at the core, the story isn't all 
that compelling. ¥¥/2 


AG-rated film from David Lynch? Not 
only that, buta film about old-fashioned, 
decent Americans who live in the heart- 
land? That's The Straight Story (Buena 
Vista), and it's a treat. Central to its suc- 
cess is the casting of veteran actor and 
stuntman Richard Farnsworth as Alvin 
Straight, who decides to ride his lawn 
mower (his driver's license has been re- 
voked) some 900 miles in videi to visit 
his ailing and estranged brother in Wis- 
consin. The story, incidentally, is true. 
Sissy Spacek plays his daughter, and Har- 
ry Dean Stanton appears briefly as his 
brother, but most of the faces on the 
screen are unknown, and deftly chosen 
The deliberate pace and episodic nature 
of The Straight Story may not suit hyper- 


While some toy manufacturers are 
licking their wounds over unrealized 
profits for Star Wars tie-in merchan- 
dise, there is a bullish market for mov- 
ie tie-ins of the past. 

The Universal Pictures movie mon- 


Farnsworth: Ageless charisma. 


Revenge at any cost, 
redemption for sale, 
revisiting the heartland. 


active viewers, but I defy anyone to resist 
Farnsworth's rugged charm or the good 
feeling the film engenders. ¥¥¥ 


Lawrence Kasdan is the second direc- 
tor to hang an important film on the 
yet-unproven screen charisma of Lor- 
en Dean (the first was Robert Benton, 
who introduced him in Billy Bathgate). 


ed with a variety of companies to is- 
sue candy containers, Halloween cos- 
tumes, ornaments and candles featur- 
ing Hitchcock's familiar visage. 

To accompany its comprehensive 
film exhibition, the Museum of Mod- 
ern Art in New 


CONS FOR SALE—OLD AND NEW York City has 


sters (Frankenstein, Dracula, et al.) 
have never been more visible, appear- 
ing on everything from postage stamps 
to a clever line of figurines called Big 
Heads, designed by Sideshow. I'm 
particularly fond of the 3%” figure of 
the Invisible Man that sits on my com- 
puter. Its dark glasses cover a head 
swathed in bandages, and it wears a 
gentleman's dressing gown—just as 
Claude Rains did in the 1933 movie. 
Alfred Hitchcock is being celebrated 
in his centennial year with retrospec- 
tives and video reissues of his films. 
What's morc, Universal has contract- 


made a first-ever 
foray into CD production with а сойес- 
tion called Alfred Hitchcock: Music From 
His Films (museummusic.com). 

Walt Disney continues to be a com- 
pelling figure in American popular cul- 
ture. Howard Green and Amy Boothe 
Green have captured a personal side 
of the original imagineer that's rare- 
ly been explored in Remembering Walt 
(Hyperion), a beautifully illustrated 
compendium of anecdotes and obser- 
vations. And veteran Hollywood biog- 
rapher Bob Thomas provides a reve- 
latory look at Walt's brother Roy іп 
Building a Company: Roy O. Disney and 


Dean has the title role in Mumford (Touch- 
stone), Kasdan's Capraesque fable about 
a psychiatrist who has made himself in- 
dispensable to the residents of an idyllic 
California town. In fact, he’s too good to 
be true: He simply uses common sense 
to identify his patients’ problems. De- 
spite an attractive cast that includes Al- 
fre Woodard, Hope Davis, Mary McDon- 
nell, Ted Danson, Jason Lee and Martin 
Short, Mumford never hits the bull's-cyc. 
Some of this is because of Kasdan's 
much-too-tidy plot turns, and some can 
be attributed to Dean, a capable actor 
who's too bland to give this film the mag- 
ic it needs. ¥¥/2 


If you're a fan of Robin Williams, as I 
am, his mere presence can make a film 
worth watching; such is the case with 
Jakob the Liar (Columbia), on which Wil- 
liams also served as executive produc- 
er. Based on a novel by Jurek Becker 
and set in a Polish ghetto in 1944, Jakob 
means to show how humor and hope can 
fuel a downtrodden people. Williams 
plays a widowed café owner who acci- 
dentally hears a radio broadcast that of- 
fers a morsel of good news, which his 
friends blow all out of proporti 
mvvic’ guod intentions aic ub 
but in the wake of Roberto Benigni's Life 
Is Beautiful they seem disappointingly 
slight. (In fairness, it should be noted 
that Jakob went into production before 
Benigni's film.) The star is surrounded 
by a strong cast, including Bob Balaban, 
Armin Mueller-Stahl, Alan Arkin and 
Liev Schrieber. ¥¥/2 


the Creation of an Entertainment Empire 
(also from Hyperion). 

The Man of Steel is celebrated in 
Chronicle Books Superman Masterpiece 
Collection, a boxed set with a facsimile 
of the first Superman comic, a hard- 
cover book on the character's prime 
and—best of all—a terrific resin figure 
of Superman as he looked in 1938. No 
desktop should be without one. 

1 discovered the King of the Cow- 
boys, Roy Rogers, on television, but 
Rhino Records’ sensational three-CD 
boxed set Happy Trails: The Roy Rogers 
Collection 1937-1990 is derived chiefly 
from the star's radio show of the For- 
ties. There are dozens of delightful 
songs by Roy, Dale Evans and the Sons 
of the Pioneers, many that haven't 
been heard in decades. This is a wel- 
come visit to a time that was simpler— 
in music and in pop culture. Perhaps 
that’s why, for these icons, the force is 
sull with them. м 


OFF 
CAMERA 


It's not every ac- 
tor who chooses to 
walk away from a 
secure job on a hit 
TV series. But Jen- 
nifer Esposito lcft 
Spin City after a two- 
year run as New 
York mayor Barry 


with the Brooklyn 
j accent. “My parents 
Esposito: said. ‘Why, Jenni- 
Anew spin. fer? You're getting a 
ise this year’ I've never worked 
with such a nice group of people, 
but it was time to move on. They 
were kind enough io let me leave, 
which 1 thank them for, because 
they could have said no. But they 
knew I wanted to experience dif- 
ferent roles, and maybe do a play 
again, and on a sitcom you don't 
have the time. 

Having worked onstage in New 
York, and in such films as No Look- 
ing Back, Kiss Me Guido and I Still 
Know What You Did Last Summer, 
Fsposito has plenty of experience. 
In Spike Tee's Summer of Sam (she 
portrays the Bronx girl who's at- 
tached to Adrien Brody) the dy- 
namic, New York-based perform- 
er is a knockout. Did the sexual 
nature of the role—including the 
simulated production of a porno 
film—give her any pause? 

"When you're a struggling actor 
in New York and you get a role in 
a Spike movie that has some meat, 
and it's not just ‘the girl,’ you jump 


at the chance,” says. 
“I don't think it was the wrong 
decision to leave Spin City,” she 


continues. "Maybe one day ГІ go, 
"What ап idiot! But I'm ri 
take the chance. I've just fir 
my 14th film. Гуе always wi 
I have been very fortunate. And 1 
hope that doesn't change.” 

She has also been ina handful of 
indie films, such as Just One Time 
and Beyond Cily Limits (with Nas- 
tassja Kinski), and she had a small 
role with Chris O'Donnell in The 
Bachelor. 

But experience hasn't turned Es- 
posito into a hypocrite. When I 
asked her if she would choose play- 
ing ‘the girl in a big-budget movie 
over a role in an off-Broadway show, 
she said yes, because she knows it 
means exposure and more clout to 
choose good parts. Esposito has can- 
dor equal to her ambition. —ıu 


Іп Eyes Wide Shut, a distraught Tom 
Cruise goes in search of sexual adven- 
ture. In Catherine Breillav's notorious 
French import Romance (Trimark) 
woman (Catherine Ducey) who embarks 
on a sometimes dangero 
sey, having been pushed a 


me of the driver's education films I w; 
forced to sit through in high school, 
filled with vivid and upsetting shots of 
car crashes. In this case the subject is sex, 
but the film (despite the most astonish- 
ing images this side of a porno tape) is 
not sexy; instead, the graphic depiction 
of sexual organs, and one woman's dlini- 
cal view of their use, produces discom- 
fort, not arousal. The film is provocative, 
and has the novelty of a woman's point 
of view, but it's not especially edifying. 
One bondage scene seems to go on for- 
ever. Who knew tying knots could take 
so long? YY 


Get Bruce (Miramax) isn't so much a 
documentary as itis a diversion, dipping 
into the showbiz world of comedy wr 
er Bruce Vilanch. We get backstage gos- 
sip about the Oscars, but we also get to 
spend time with Bette Midler, Billy Crys- 
tal, Whoopi Goldberg and Robin Wil- 
liams. An interview with Bruce's mother 
provides some background, and youth- 
ful photos prove he was not always hir- 
sute. A tribute from one of the many 
AIDS-related charities he supports еп- 
ables Vilanch (in а thank-you speech) to 
provide a moment of poignancy and self- 
revelation in an otherwise lighthearted 
film. There is a certain disingenuou 
ness about the project, which was cle: 
made with its subject's cooperation. But 
the entertainment quotient is so high, it 
doesn't much matter. ¥¥¥ 


Is there a perfect antonym for pro- 
found? Thats what I kept searching for 
as 1 watched Last Night (Lions Gate), a 
е drama about the 


ple deal with the prospect of their im- 
minent demise. Somehow these story 
elements really don't add up to very 
much in Don McKellar's film, which he 
wrote, directed and stars in. McKellar's 
mother and father want the fai to be 
together, but he prefers to go it alone. 
When he does, he encounters a woman 
(Sandra Oh, in a juicy part) who is des- 
perately trying to get home to her hu: 
band, and tries to help her. This leads 
him to the apartment of a randy friend 
whose only thoughts in the final hours 
of life are of sex. With a cast of Canadi- 
an luminaries, including Genevieve Bu- 
014, David Cronenberg, Sarah Polley 
and Robin Gammell, Last Night arrives 
here with an impeccable pedigree, but 
little else. vv 


MOVIE SCORE CARD 


capsule close-ups of current films 
by leonard maltin 


The Blair Witch Project (8/99) More suc 
cessful as experiment than as enter- 
tainment, this story of would-be film- 
makers who get lost in the woods still 
has some chills. ұу: 
Get Bruce (See review) А diverting 
documentary about comedy writer 
Bruce Vilanch and his all-star col- 
leagues, including Billy Crystal, Bette. 
Midler and Robin W УУУ 
Happy, Texas (Listed only) Two es- 
caped cons have to pass themselves 
off as kiddie-pageant impresarios in 
this likable comedy. Jeremy North- 
am, Steve Zahn, William H. Macy and 
Ally Walker star in Mark Illsey's de- 
but film. yyy 
Jakob the Шаг (See review) Robin Wil- 
liams stars in this well-intentioned 
story of a Polish ghetto fueled by hu- 
mor and hope during WWII. ¥¥¥2 
Last Night (See review) The end of the 
world is coming, and no two people 
face it the same way. EM 
The Limey (See review) Terence Stamp 
goes to LA seeking revenge for his 
daughter's death, іп this stylish but 
slight Steven Soderbergh film. Ya 
Mumford (See review) A psychiatrist 
solves an entire town's problems— 
but т as something of an enigma 
himself. Loren Dean, Alfre Woodard, 
Martin Short and Mary McDonnell 
head the cast. уу); 
My Life So Far (Listed only) А delightful 
look at growing up in an eccentric 
Scottish family in the Twenties: Hugh 
Hudson directs Colin Firth, Mary 
Elizabeth Mastrantonio, Malcolm Мс- 
Dowell and Rosemary Harris. ¥¥¥ 
Romance (See review) An arrestingly 
explicit French import about a wom- 
an's sexual odyssey—but, curiously, 
not a sexy film. УУ 
Runaway Bride (Listed only) Julia Rob- 
erts and Richard Gere team again 
with their Pretty Woman director Gar- 
ry Marshall for a delightful romantic 
comedy. wy 
The Sixth Sense (Listed only) An intcl- 
ligent, original thriller with Bruce 
ashrink trying to help a boy 
who sees ghosts—all the time. УУУУ; 
The Stroight Story (See review) The 
weathered fac се and ible screen 


see. You'd never guess it’s a David 
Lynch film. ww 
The Thomas Crown Affair (Listed only) 
Pierce Brosnan and Renee Rı 
make a sexy pair in this overlong but 
entertaining remake Wh 


YY Worth a look 
Y Forget it 


УУУУ Don't miss 
¥¥¥ Good show 


= Е SONY 


А Man ілсе пее 


ттт ттт 


Disc EXPLORER 200 


“SONY 200 DISC DVD/CD CHANGE 


The Sony Universe: DVD - WEGA TV‘ DIGITAL CINEMA SOUND" - DIRECTV* SYSTEM - WEBTV ° INTERNET TERMINAL 
To begin your journey, call 1-888-766-9057. 


VIDEO 


"If it isn't a killer 
movie right off the 
bat, | just can't stay 
glued to the tele- 
vision," says World 
Wrestling Federa- 
tion champion Stone 
Cold Steve Austin. 
So what kind of 
flicks stun the cre- 
ator of the neck- 
wrangling “stunner” 
maneuver? “I'm a 
big fan of Westems," 
reveals the south 
Texas native. “Cool Hand Luke, any of the 
old Clint Eastwood spaghetti Westerns 
and all John Wayne films. I also like old 
horror movies, the ones with Boris Karloff 
and Bela Lugosi.” Austin also goes for big 
laughs. “I like slapstick and broad comedy, 
like I'm Gonna Git You Sucka and Blazing 
Saddles,” says Austin. “That one gets bet- 
ter each time | see it." ЕСЕ LERMAN 


CINEMA SCIONS 


It seems as if some sons and daughters 
sired by directors have celluloid in their 
s how a few offspring of mov- 
iemakers have found their way behind 
the camera 

Rob Reiner, son of Carl: Dad created The 
Jerk (1979) and cult fave Where's Poppa? 
(1970), paving the way for Rob's This Is 
Spinal Tap (1984). Rob matured quickly, 
with Stand by Me (1986), When Harry Met 
Sally (1989), A Few Good Men (1992) and 
Ghosts of Mississippi (1996). 

Mario Van Peebles, son of Melvin: Dad's 
blaxploitative anger—sce Sweet Sweet- 
back's Badass Song (1971)-із apparent in 
his son's urban action epics New Jack City 
(1991) and Panther (1995), and even 
Western, Passe (1993). 

Nicholas Kazan, son of Elia: The son could 
have been a contender with Dream Lover 
(1994), but his strong suit is writin, 
Frances (1982), At Close Range (1986) and 
Reversal of Fortune (1990). As a direc- 
tor, Nicholas has got some catching up to 
do: His dad won three Oscars—Gentle- 
man's Agreement (1947), On де Waterfront 
(1954) and an honorar 
Jennifer Lynch, daughter of er 
the youngest woman (at 25) to 
own script—Boxing Helena (1993). Jen- 
nifer's debut apparently was her swan 
song. Helena wasn't any worse than Lost 
Highway (1997), was it? 

Marcel Ophüls, son of Max: Ophüls fils won 
ап Oscar—for Hotel Terminus (1988)— 
while pere (best known for 19487 Letter 


36 From an Unknown Woman) made only the 


nomination round for La Ronde (1950)— 
and that was for screenwriting. 

Nick Cassavetes, son of John: Father practi- 
cally invented indie auteurism with Faces 
(1968), Husbands (1970), Woman Under 
the Influence (1974), etc. It looks as if Nick 
has his father's penchant for familial 
dysfunction, as seen in Unhook the Stars 
(1996) and She's So Lovely (1997; based 
on Dad's script) 

Anjelica and Danny Huston, daughter and son 
of John (and grandkids of Walter): Danny 
seems to have gone the B-movie route, 
though we liked The Maddening (1995, 
with Burt Reynolds as a redneck nut- 
case). Anjelica does chick flicks such as 
Bastard Out of Carolina (1996) and this 
year's Agnes Browne. — —BUZZNCCLAIN 


DISC ALERT 


Graven imagery: We enjoy a good scare, 
but New Line's Platinum Series boxed 
set of the seven Nightmare on Elm Street 
films ($130) may be too much ofa good 
thing. Director Wes Craven offers com- 
mentaries on the opening and closing 
chapters in the series—A Nightmare on 
Elm Street (1984) and Wes Craven's New 
Nightmare (1994), arguably the two b 
and all of the films benefit from 
remastering and wide-screen presenta- 
tion. Vlad tidings: Watch out for the trio 
of vampire flicks from Image by French 
director Jean Rollin. In The Shiver of the 
Vampires (Le Frisson des Vampires, 1970), 
The Demoniacs (Les Démoniaques, 1973) 
and Fascination (1979), Rollin brings Gal- 


We all like West- 
erns, especially if 
they'ra mado by 
Europeans. Out- 
tows (Sin City) is 
an extravagant 
adult movie filmed in 


Madrid and Marbella, Spain 

that features beautiful women and the al- 
ways forthcoming Rocco Siffredi. If we re- 
member the plot right, this Joe D'Amato 
film tells the tale of a town under siege by 
а band of sex-crazed renegades. When the 
town cries out for help, Rocco saves the 
day and savors the town's appreciation— 
sometimes two citizens at once. But this 
film isn’t about justice; it's about lusty, sil- 
ly, epic sex, and it takes care of that busi- 
Ness very well. 


lic elegance to his low-budget endeavors. 
That, and lots of sensual lesbian love- 
making. The best news is that Image 
will be releasing Louis Feuillade's ten- 
episode silent serial Les Vampires (1915) 
next year. Already available on video- 
tape from Water Bearer Films (water 
bearer.com, 800-551-8304), the seven- 
hour epic features the vampy villainess 


Irma Vep—a serenely sexy femme fatale 
who would even have us rooting against 
Bully. 


— GREGORY Р FAGAN 


SCHOOL DAYS 


The Mummy (roused by Brendon Froser, the Mummy tries lo 
take over the world; cheap thrills), Entrapment (thief Sean 
Connery hos o license to rob jewels but not cradles; so-so 
caper leoves Cotherine Zeta-Jones smoldering). 


The Matrix (bullet-dodging messiah Keanu Reeves, like, 
soves the world to a techno beat; dazzling fur), Existenz 
(anti-tech jihod torgets gome girl Jennifer Jason Leigh; less 
flash, more messoge, from director David Cronenberg). 


ы, * [Ez п (oir-traffic-control king John Cusock meets his 

4 | cooler match in Billy Bob Tho! just shy of the runwoy) 
Үз cows * en > Mus phy and Mari Led ATE 
ue а АСАР [scc oret CX 


Election (closs-prez wannabe Reese Witherspoon is fco perky 
for one cranky teacher; sovory sabotage ensues), Ten Things 
1 Hate About You (Julio Stiles’ hauteur makes teen toke on 
The Taming of the Shrew surprisingly polotable). 


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LIVING ONLINE 


By MARK FRAUENFELDER 


PLAN A PARTY 


Usually, the problem with inviting 
more than a few people to an event is, if 
one person can't make it, you have to 
contact everybody else to reschedule. Of 
course, that starts a new round of voice- 
mail tag. Evite.com promises to elimi- 
nate the hassle of planning activities for 
groups. I was suspicious, but I tried it 
and it really does help. You start by de- 
scribing the event you are planning—a 
party, a skiing trip, whatever. Then you 
enter the e-mail addresses or fax num- 
bers of the people you want to “evite.” 
Evite creates a custom web page for your 
friends to visit, in order to RSVP or leave 
comments. They can also see who else 
has accepted or declined the invitation. 
Of course, there are lots of little extras, 
such as the Ор-тіме-ігег. For example, 
you want to invite eight pals for dinner 
ata restaurant. If you know there vill be 
time conflicts, you can use the Ор-тіме- 
izer to offer different starting times for 
the meal. Your friends can vote for the 
most convenient time. Whichever time 
gets the most votes wins. 


NAVIGATING THE MATERIAL WORLD 


It's a buyer's heaven at Productopia. 
com, with hundreds of product reviews 
of everything from boom boxes to barbe- 
cues. Each review includes online and lo- 
cal retail availability, as well as links to 
comparable products. When I saw the 
T-Fal Avante Deluxe chrome toaster re- 
view, it was love at first sight. But when I 
clicked on a picture of designer Michael 
Graves’ playful pop-art toaster (which 
you can buy at Target), І dropped the 
Avante like a radioactive fuel rod. The 
coolest item 1 found was the Black & 
Decker Partymate, a slick, battery-po 
ered blender that transforms margarita 
making into an outdoor sport. Tailgating 
will never be the same. 


SIFTING FOR SPACEMEN 


For the past couple of decades, scien- 
tists at the University of California have 
recorded radio signals from space, hop- 
ing to find a message from an intelligent 
being beyond the stars, But if ET had 
been trying to call us, al would be 
buried in a storm of astronomical noise 
thrown off by quasars and other һсауеп- 
ly bodies. It takes a rip-roaring super- 
computer to process radio astronomy 
data, and lately the funding for the pro- 
gram called SETI (Search for Extrater- 
restrial Intelligence) has all but fizzled 
out. That's where you come in. Head 


over to setiathome.ssl.berkeley.edu, 
download the seti@home program and 
your computer will be put to work ana- 
lyzing the data. After I launched the pro- 
gram, it began processing a minute-and- 
a-half chunk of radio telescope data 
collected in March at the Arecibo Radio 
Observatory in Puerto Rico. (The other 
500,000 people who have downloaded. 
seti@home so far have received other 
snippets of radio data.) The program an- 
alyzes data whenever I stop working on 
my PC for more than a few minutes, and 
you get to see the progress in the form of 
a colorful screen saver. The best part is, 
if your computer finds a message from a 
civilization on an- 

other plan- 


et, you will be listed as a co-discoverer. 
(You'll probably be invited to appear on 
Letterman, too.) 


FASTER FILA, BUY! BUY! 


Imagine if brick-and-mortar stores 
operated like most online retailers do. 
You'd walk through the front door and 
enter a large room with nothing in it but 
a big sign that read: “Welcome to Clothes- 
a-Rama! Please wait two minutes for the 
door leading to the merchandise to un- 
lock.” Then a door would slide open to 
reveal another room with nothing in it 
but more doors, each with a sign that 
read: “This way to the Men's Depart- 
ment,” or "This way to the Women's." By 
that time, you would have left. That's 
what happens online. People don't like 
waiting around for useless web pages full 
of blinking lights and theme songs to 
load. But Fila.com gets it. They under- 


stand the importance of a clean, сазу- 
to-use web interface. It has small, clear 
photographs of their merchandise, so 
you can get in, pick what you want and 
get out in surprisingly few clicks. Free 
shipping, too. Smart. 


VOICE MAIL FOR CHEAPSKATES 


Last year, every major website offered 

free e-mail. This year, they're offering 
free voice mail and fax, too. The best of 
the bunch is onebox.com. I signed on, 
selected an area code (they didn't have а 
Los Angeles area code when I signed up, 
but they promise to have most of the 
country covered by the end of the year), 
and was issued a number. People can call 
the number to leave voice mail or send a 
fax. I retrieve the messages by calling 
the number or by logging on to the 
onebox.com site. Two outstanding 
things about onebox: You can set it 
up to flash a message to your ICQ 
account (ICQ is an Internet chat 
program you can download from 
icq.com) whenever onebox receives 
се mail or fax for you, and 
there's no limit to the number of mes- 
sages you can receive. 
The worst voice-mail service I found 
is Excite's. I signed up at www.excite. 
com/Info/mail/vmail_welcome.html 
and was given the toll-free number (888- 
exciTe2) and a ten-digit personal exten- 
sion number. The toll-free part is nice, 
but making callers punch in 20 digits to 
leave a message is off-putting, especial- 
ly now that long-distance rates top ten 
cents a minute. Worse, messages longer 
than 90 seconds are truncated. To re- 
trieve a message, the only choice is to log 
on to Excite and play the message on a 
Real Audio player (onebox uses a speed. 
ier player, or you can call in for your 
messages). The nail in the Excite coffin is 
the maximum of 60 messages a month— 
enough for misanthropic hermits, but 
hardly sufficient for anyone with a nor- 
mal social life. This is one free lunch 
that'll give you an ulcer. 


TOY SHOPPING WITHOUT TEARS 


The holidays are upon us. This year, 
Fl buy my niece and nephew the Barb 
Adventure Riding Club set and the Poke 
mon Ball Blaster Game through etoys. 
com. This toy is a joy to use. I got 
sucked into the “Classic Toys” section, 
drooling over the gewgaws that turned 
my crank as a kid: Spirograph, Color- 
forms, Lite-Brite, Hot Wheels and Uncle 
Milton's Giant Ant Farm. I can't wait un- 
til the big box arrives 


You may contact Mark Frauenfelder by 
e-mail at livingonline@playboy.com. 


37 


BOOKS 


CRIME PAYS 


After a five-year break, Sara Paretsky's great gumshoe, V.I 
Warshawski, is back on the prowl, in Hard Time (Delacorte), 
Known for sticking her nose into interesting places (from 
deep tunnels to € Lakes locks), 

ҮЛ. finds herself in a privately run 
women's prison outside Chicago. 

The plot involves movie stars, mer- 

chandising rights and, of course, 
murder. In Walkin’ the 
Dog (Little Brown), Wal- 
ter Mosley brings back 
one of the most fascinat- 
ing character ne 
fictior 


c 
Socrates Fortlow. 
He is an aging ex-con- 


vict who lives in a two- 
room shack in an alley 
in Watts, unloads gro- 
ceries at a local marker 
and tries 10 navigate a 
lawless world. He's an 
outsider, not unlike Andrew Vachss’ Burke in New York City. 
But where Burke, who recently reappeared іп Choice of Evil 
(Knopf), is a tightly wound sociopath, Socrates is a philoso- 
pher. Walkin’ the Dog explores his rage and hope, and what 
one man can accomplish. Knopf has also published Nightmore 
Town, 20 previously uncollected stories by Dashiell Hammett. 
Hammett perfected his craft in the pages of Black Mash, and 
then set the mark with his novels The Maltese Falcon, Red Har- 
тезі, The Dain Curse and The Glass Key. Hammett's Continental 
Op and the Thin Man first appear in these stories. They still 
fascinate us. Evil doesn't age. — JAMES R, PETERSEN 


MAGNIFICENT 
OBSESSIONS 


Macmillan Publishing soys, “It's OK to do it the lazy way,” 
with a series of Lazy Woy guides that stand out fram other 
how-to books. The idea is ta help you get stuff dane without 
expending tao much energy. If уау dan't know the difference 
between calipers and a crankshaft, Take Care of Your Car 
the Lazy Way offers tips ta eliminate breakdowns—both the 
car's and yours—and ta free you from spending quality time 
with yaur mechanic. Moving from the garage to the hame, 
Organize Your Stuff includes а raam-by-room plan ta con- 
quer clutter and turn piles of paper into efficient files. The 
recipes in Coak Your Meals are sa easy уау won't break a 
sweat. If you're lazy enough ta use instant mashed patatoes, 
here are three things ta remember: Make them with milk in- 
stead of water, disguise them with other 
foad groups, and if yau keep the 
flakes more than 18 months, 
know you're living on the edge. 
If your idea of saving money is 
collecting coins fram under the 
cauch cushions, it's time to make 
sense of your dallars with Handle 
Your Money and Build Your Financial 
Future. No matter how complex the 
jab, it can be done the lazy 
way—unless you're taa lazy 
to read the boak. 
— HELEN FRANGOULIS 


TALKING BOOKS 


To fit more books into your busy life, just press play, advises 
the Audio Publishers Association. But how to separate the 
good stuff from the earaches? Look to the reader. Some au- 
thors are their own best interpreters. There couldn't be a bet- 
ter narrator than Frank McCourt for (Simon & Schuster 
Audio), the sequel to his Pulitzer Prize-winning autobiogra- 
phy, Angela's Ashes. Eddie Fisher hits the high and low notes of 
his own off-key life on Been There, Done That (Dove Books Au- 
dio). And could anyone match Harlan Ellison’s furious yet 
mesmerizing rendition of I Have No Mouth and I Must Scream 
(Dove Books Audio), the first in a best-of Ellison series? Not 
that performers don't know their way around a mike. Brian 
Dennehy lends considerable vocal presence to Ernest Hem: 
ingway's True at First Light (Simon & Schuster Audio), a semific- 
tional tale about Ernest and his wife Mary on a lion hunt in 
Kenya. They argue, shoot, drink and argue some more in a 
rambling first draft that's short on structure and long on at- 
mosphere, punchy dialogue and, surprisingly, humor. Dick 
Hill gives voice to a variety of middle-class Floridians and the 
two Jersey hit men who disrupt their ennui in humorist Daye 
Barry's first novel, Big Trouble (Brilliance Audio). The rei 
this month of Ambush at Fort Bragg (BDD Audio), Tom Wolfe 
satiric novelette 
(now available on- 
ly in audio format), 
depends heavily on 
Edward Norton's 
nuanced narration. 
It's a vicious study 
of devious, self- 
deluded television 
news types as they 
try to coax three 
soldiers into con- 
fessing on camera 
to gay-bashing and 
murder. Norton's splendid delineation of the warriors forms a 
sort of prequel to his Oscar-nominated turn in American Histo- 
ry X. Eric Idle’s droll delivery adds a Monty Python-like bite 
to his own comic science fiction adventure, The Road to Mars 
(Soundelux Audio). As the master of the wink-wink-nudge- 
nudge would have it, by the 22nd century, the red planet has 
become the showbiz capital of the universe. Idle's tale follows 
two comics and a robot as they travel through space, per- 
forming at outposts on their way to the big time. When Dou- 
glas Adams’ Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy debuted, it was 
called Pythonesque. Now the circle is complete шск LOCHTE 


LITERARY FREAK SHOW: 
You know Jerry Stahl from his dark confessional Permanent Mid- 
night, a memoir abaut his strung-out life as a drug user, which later 
become a Ben Stiller mavie. Now, his navel 
Perv—A Love Story (Morrow) delivers 
characters that Stahl also seems ta 
know intimately. He returns ta the 
Seventies, when 15-year-old Babby 
Stark's life (like Stahl's in Midnight) is 
plagued by demons. The boy's jour- 
ney ta self-discavery includes can- 
frontatians with o ane-ormed tattoa 
artist ond his nymphomaniacol dough- 
ter, sex-crazed hippies ond a grammar 
school crush (who has become а Hare 
Krishna convert) with whom he finds 
true love. Just like a mad dog, Perv sinks 
its teeth into you ond does nat let go. 
а powerful stary. HE 


Disaronno Originale. 


DLSARONNO |а 


Italian. Sensual. Warm. 


МЕМ 


Ithough American Pie may not be 

the greatest film in the world, it 
tells the ultimate truth about male sexu- 
ality, To put it bluntly, we are crazy for 
self-service sex, especially in our youn- 
ger years. 

When we discover the joys of mastur- 
bation, we feel as if we have found heav- 
еп on earth (and many of us would ar- 
gue that we have). Squeezing the tube 
steak is thereby placed first on our list 
of priorities, sometimes never to be re- 
moved. As all honorable pud-thumpers 
do at first, we whack off once or twice for 
starters every morning before we get out 
of bed. We continue flogging that snake 
many times a day for decades, lost in fan- 
tasy and reverie, thinking about fucking 
anything that might feel good. And, as 
American Pie demonstrates, there are a 
lot of feel-good options out there. 

Just about every man you see on the 
street or at your office has tried to get it 
on with inert physical objects at some 
point in his life. Want to embarrass him? 
Ask him about it. He may not admit it, 
but he’s been there. As I like to say about 
my own horny history, there was a time 
when I would fuck a fence if it had a 
knothole in it. (I'm not into fences any- 
more. 1 didn't like splinters in my dick, 
and the nurses in the emergency room 
always laughed when I told them I had 
tripped in a lumberyard.) 

Most guys are truly ashamed of some 
of the sexual partners they chose in their 
early years—those partners that couldn't 
talk back, that is. (Please note: This qual- 
ification leaves animals out of it. I con- 
sider sheep bleating, dogs howling, mon- 
keys chattering and chickens clucking аз 
some kind of interspecies communica- 
tion. We are talking inanimate objects 
here, so if you are presently screwing 
your favorite warthog, | do not want to 
know about it—unless, of course, you 
think I should try it, too.) 

In the spirit of discovery and revela- 
tion, let me quote some of the men I 
have talked to about this subject that has 
no blame: 

“I was 14 years old,” Keith says, “and 
totally randy. I would beat off any time, 
anywhere. I had to be careful, because I 
came close to doing it in public many 
times. I could just see me having to call 
my dad from jail. ‘Were you speeding 
again, son?’ "Ко, Dad.’ ‘Did you steal 
something?’ “Мо, Dad.’ ‘Did you hit 

40 somebody? ‘No, Dad.’ “Then what hap- 


By ASA BABER 


NOT THE 
TURKEY! 


pened?" "Well, I was jerking off at high 
noon on the corner of State and Lake be- 
cause a beautiful woman was strolling by, 
and the cops caught me." 

"Anyway, I walked into the dining 
room one Thanksgiving Day while my 
family was at church, and the turkey was 
on the sideboard. It was golden brown 
and glistening like a hula girl on a beach 
in Hawaii—and that did it. I absolutely 
had to try it. It was stuffed with dress- 
ing—pine nuts and pearl onions and 
moist bread crumbs—and I humped it 
right there on the platter. I remember 
my mother walking through the front 
door almost immediately afterward and 
finding me breathing hard. 'Is anything 
wrong, Keith? she asked. ‘No, Мот, I 
said. And I wasn't lying.” 

Roger, on the other hand, made one 
of the most exciting discoveries of his life 
on his 13th birthday. "I guess I have a 
limited imagination," he says. “I'd been 
beating off for a couple years, and 1 had 
this problem that I couldn't solve. You've 
heard of razor burn? Well, I had penis 
burn, and I had it bad. It was cramping 
my style, too. In those days, if I couldn't 
have an orgasm every other hour, I got 
depressed. But when my palms felt like 
sandpaper and my dick turned as red 
as a chili pepper, 1 had to stop choking 
my chicken, sometimes for days—which 
seemed like years. 


"Then it happened. 1 was at my best 
friend's house one evening. His sister 
was 17 and abig tease. She knew I wasa 
walking hard-on, and she also knew that 
she could make me blush in a second. So 
when I sat down at the kitchen table 
while she was making dinner, I tried not 
to look at her. Then she took this cucum- 
ber out of the refrigerator and did a 
weird thing with it. "Watch this, Roger," 
she said. She started coating the cucum- 
ber with olive oil. 'Are you going to eat 
that?” I asked her. ‘No,’ she said, ‘I just 
like doing this to it.’ And she proceed- 
ed to give that cucumber a world-class 
hand job while she watched me turn red 
and die. She had her hands twisting and 
turning and squeezing and stroking, 
and I wanted to be that cucumber in the 
worst way. God bless that girl. She 
turned me on to sexual lubricants, and 
my life changed. No more penis burn, 
lots of experimenting with lard and but- 
ter and egg whites. 

“Did І ever get to make it with my best 
friend's sister? No. But she knew, and I 
knew, that she'd taught me something 
more valuable than anything I would 
ever learn in a classroom." 

Ken was into pillows, mattresses and 
couches. "It started when І was 11—I 
found out 1 could hump my pillow and 
get off on it. At first, I simply changed 
pillowcases every day, but my mother got 
suspicious when she did the laundry. So 
I wrapped my dick in a tube sock filled 
with hand lotion and put it between two 
pillows. Then I found the perfect foam 
rubber pillow. I carved an artificial vagi- 
na in it and violated it for about six 
months, Then I grew fond of our living 
room sofa, which was more like a futon 
than a sofa, but it was hard to explain to 
my parents why holes kept appearing in 
it. T think it must be a rat or a mouse,’ I 
told them. But my dad knew. He threw 
out the old sofa and brought in a leath- 
er one that was no fun at all. Leather 
burts.” 

I want you to remember that these are 
stories from other men’s lives, not mine. 
Anybody who says that I am the source 
for these sinful tales is a foreskin-chew- 
ing prevaricator and penny-ante mas- 
turbator who probably beats off like a 
billy goat every time he finds himself 
alone in an elevator. 

Just a regular guy, in other words. 


hey... it'S personal 


including ocean, 
tree and coast. Each | 


own charm. But whethei 
you opt for an aerie by the 
sea or in the forest, 


your day k 

own private hot tub or in 
the communal basking pool 
that overlooks the Pacific. 
Rates range from $365 to 
$645 per night, double oc- 
cupancy. Call 800-527-2200. 


HOW TO EAT SUSHI / 
le mA 


SAUCE TO TASTE. 
— START SMALL. 


<= SÓ EATING 
MAKI, DIP 
ONE SIDE 
IN WASABI. 


| WHEN EATING NIGIRI, 
| USE FINGERS. ПІР 
FISH-SIDE DOWN 


| IN WASABI. caviar 


NIGIRI 
2 
[4] WHEN | 


EATING EY 
ELABORATE | ect 
NIGIRI MUELA 
(WITH ROE, I 

| RAW QUAIL 


EGG, ETC.), — 

DIP THE BOTTOM Û 

IN WASABI, WASABI 
MIXTURE 


== 


EATITIN 
ONE BITE. 


Using the blueprint 
at left, you con get 
the basics of eating 
sushi. But there are 
other things you 
should know: First, 
never order a drink 
from the sushi chef. 
That's whot your 
waiter is for. It's per- 
fectly fine—o good 
ideo, even—to buy 
your chef o drink. 
Have the waiter ask 
him what he wonts. 
H's improper, by the 
woy, to return o half- 
eaten nigiri to your 
plate. Hold it until 
you finish it. If you're 
feeling odventurous, 
let the chef serve 
you. He will pick out 
what fish is best and 
lead you through a 
succession of pieces 
in their proper order. 


Nikon's New 
Shooter 


No bigger than о 

pack of smokes, the 
ultracool Nikon Nuvis 
S, with its stainless steel 
shell ond now-you-see- 
it-now-you-don't lens hous- — 
ing, looks like a prop from In- 
spector Gadget or the next James 
Bond film. This advanced photo system 
camera offers three different 
print sizes and allows 
you to switch film 
midroll. You also 
get a 22.5mm 
to 66mm zoom 
lens, outomatic 
film speed 
settings 
that range 
from ISO 
50 to 
1600, 30 
different title 
selections in 12 
languages ond 
mony other feotures. 
Price: obout $300, in 
comera stores nationwide. A 
miniature shutter remote is an 
additional $20. 


Неге. 


Always. 


Somewhere else. 


THE NEW FRAGRANCE FOR MEN 


THE PLAYBOY ADVISOR 


Eve been with my boyfriend for eight 
months. The relationship is wonderful 
and the sex is awesome. The other night 
we engaged in anal sex, which we have 
both done before, but this time 1 had a 
total emotional breakdown. My orgasm 
was accompanied by a crying episode so 
intense it took us both by surprise. Ev- 
erything was great and I didn’t experi- 
ence pain, but the tears came in buckets. 
Can you tell me if this is a normal reac- 
tion or why it happened?—T.G., Mem- 
phis, Tennessee 

It's nothing to worry about. Many people 
experience an emotional release with the 
physical release of climax. Annie Sprinkle 
calls it a crygasm. “Pue talked to so many 
women who tell me that when making love 
or having an orgasm they have a little cry at 
the same time,” she says. “H feels so good.” 
las а time when lovers were expected 
hteenth century novels are full of 
scenes that suggest or. in a few cases, repre- 
sent orgasm with tears as the most sublime 
experience possible,” notes historian Tom 
Lutz, author of Crying: A Natural and Cul- 
tural History of Tears. “Weeping in love was 
considered the norm, and a lover who 
couldn't weep wasn't worth having.” In your 
situation, the intensity of anal sex may have 
played a role. The anus and rectum are more 
delicate than the vagina, and anal inter- 
course requires a great deal of patience, 
preparation and trust. We also carry more 
stress than we realize in our sphincters. Реп- 
etration requires the muscles to relax, aud. 
the tension can dissipate in ways thal sur- 
prise us. 


Frequently, when my girlfriend and I 
get out of the car, we generate a charge, 
causing a shock when we touch metal 
or each other. І һауе tried to note when 
this happens, but it doesn’t seem to mat- 
ter what the weather is or even what 
shoes we're wearing. What causes these 
shocks, and is there any way to prevent 
them?—L.F, Seattle, Washington 

The shock is caused by static electricity 
generated when your clothes rub against the 
seat as you climb out of the car. If you're 
charged with more than about 3300 volts, 
you'll typically get zapped as you make con- 
tact with the body of the car or the ground. 
The phenomenon occurs most often in cold, 
dry weather in vehicles with vinyl seats. If 
driving naked isn't an option, spray your 
seals with an antistatic guard, invest in 
lambskin seat covers or hang rubber ground 
straps from the back bumper. Or try this 
trick: As you step out of the car, keep a hand 
in constant contact with the door while clos- 
ing it. If you're usually shocked while locking 
or unlocking the car, touch your key to the 
door first to disperse the charge. Better yet, 
install a remote entry system. 


Here's a situation described to me by 
a friend, and we'd like your opinion. А 
marr ied man whose wife is out of town 
its a bar with friends. He strikes up a 
conversation with an attractive woman. 
She too is married and her husband is 
away. They decide to have a nightcap at 
her place. Although the conversation is 
somewhat sexual, there is no physical 
contact. As the evening is winding down, 
the woman tells the man that she plans 
10 masturbate after he leaves, and that 
she assumes he will do the same when he 
arrives home. She suggests they mastur- 
bate together. They disrobe and mastur- 
bate within sight of each other, but they 
never touch beyond a chaste kiss as 
he gathers his clothes to leave. Is this 
considered cheating?—E.A., The Wood. 
lands, Texas 

You bet. The couple shaved sexual intima- 
ey, and that meets the definition of adultery 
even if the participants can't see each other, 
such as during phone sex or while online. If 
the guy had returned home to masturbate, he 
might have escaped on a technicality. Bul his 
judgment would still be suspect—married 
guys generally don't have nightcaps with 
women they meet in bars, 


What constitutes “real” balsamic vin- 
egar? І saw a chef on TV who said that 
you should use a traditional balsamic to 
finish a dish, but 1 tuned in late and 
he didn't offer more explanation —J.C., 
Providence, Rhode Island 

Traditional balsamic vinegar originates 
in the Italian provinces of Modena and Reg- 
gio Emilia, its home by law and tradition. 
Two consortia maintain strict quality con- 
trols. To aficionados, the vinegar is so com- 
plex and flavorful that using more than a 


аштай RU алын оқалы. 


few drops is considered wasteful. Consider- 
ing that a three-and-a-half-ounce bottle runs 
$65 to $150, it's also cost-efficient. Typical- 
by, the vinegar is drizzled over pasta or oth- 
er dishes; it's also delicious over vanilla ice 
cream or strawberries, Toss hulled berries to 
create a sauce, then add balsamic and toss 
again, Traditional balsamic is aged for at 
least 12 years in different wooden casks as it 
becomes more concentrated. (To get the real 
thing, make sure that the word tradizionale 
appears on the label.) Commercial balsamics 
available in supermarkets are more suitable 
for salads or marinades. 


The beautiful women in pLaveoy moti- 
vate me to stay in shape. I only have to 
picture Karen McDougal's butt when 
I'm jogging and suddenly I'm inspired 
to run a little farther. I would love to 
have a few sexy photos taken as a holiday 
surprise for my husband, but I’m not 
sure where to begin. Can you help?— 
D.B., Los Angeles, California 

Funny thing—we think of Karen McDou- 
gal’s butt and have to stop running. Many 
portrait photographers specialize in nude 
or bikini and lingerie shots. You can find 
reputable “glamour” pros through Interna- 
tional Glamour (uww.models-link.com) or 
the Professional Photographers of America 
(404-522-8600 or ppa-world.org). Before 
you pose, meet with the photographer to get 
references and view his or her portfolio. Ex- 
pect to pay at least $500 for a day's shoot, 
plus the costs of a makeup artist and hair- 
stylist (you supply any clothing). Be cautious 
about signing anything you haven't read 
carefully. You don't want to unwittingly re- 
lease your nude self for promotional mate- 
rial, the photographer's portfolio, or—God 
forbid—the online world. (Most likely the 
photographer will keep the negatives, but 
only for the purpose of selling you more 
prints. Like anything, however, this is nego- 
tiable.) During the shoot, you may be more 
comfortable with a friend present, and an ex- 
perienced photographer will have techniques 
to help you relax and seduce the camera. 


Last week 1 had a hot date. I cooked 
her dinner at my apartment, but the 
evening took a sour turn when she in- 
sisted on helping me make the salad and 
cut her finger badly. I checked my medi- 
cine cabinet and found only a few old 
bandages. I had to take her to the emer- 
gency room for a cut that I probably 
could have treated with the right materi- 
alsanda little know-how. What basic first 
aid supplies should 1 have on hand for 
future emergencies?—M.C., Watertown, 
New York 

Unless you're dating women who are ac- 
cident prone or you're a klutz yourself, you 
can gel by with ibuprofen and aspirin, a 
few disposable, instant-activating ice bags, 


43 


PLAYBOY 


44 


bandages and gauze pads of various 
antibiotic ointment and tweezers. To avoid 
other potential disasters, we'd add antacids, 
an antihistamine, contact lens solution, an 
extra toothbrush, lubricant and condoms. 


МІ, favorite pictorial in July featured 
Karen Finley covered in chocolate. Was 
it real chocolate? How long did it take to 
shoot? Why is something like that such a 
turn-on?—K.R., Portsmouth, Virginia 
Because she was naked, and covered in 
chocolate. The shool took about eight hours. 
Afier experimenting with melted Godivas for 
body paint, our stylists settled on cake frost- 
ing. They used chocolate syrup to create a 
puddle for Karen to play in. By the time we 
got our act together and arrived with the 
whipped cream, they had already cleaned up. 


Recently a reader asked how he could 
increase the amount of semen when he 
comes. You told him to not to ejaculate 
for a few days. There is a better way. 
Since my early 205, | have masturbated 
an average of five times a day but always 
stop short of orgasm. I save that for my 
wife. When I was in my 20s 1 could ejac- 
ulate about two tablespoons of semen. 
I'm now 69 and can still produce about 
one-and-a-half tablespoons. Now, if 1 
may indulge you with a few words about 
something more important than sex: 
When I am ready to leave the house, I 
give my wife of 45 years a deep kiss and 
tell her how beautiful she is and thank 
her for marrying me. When I return 
home, | give her another kiss and tell 
her how happy I am to be home. Often, 
she falls into my arms. Love, to remain 
viable, must be renewed at every oppor- 
tunity. I hope this letter will be of benefit 
to others.—D.G., Concord, California 

Any man who can keep а romance alive 
for 45 years deserves space in this column. 
Thanks for writing. 


You should have told the reader who 
asked about increasing the amount of 
his semen about a well-known extract 
made from the bark of the African ev- 
ergreen tree Pygeum africanum. The ex- 
tract can increase prostatic secretion, 
which makes up the bulk of seminal flu- 
id. 115 been used to treat male infertility 
because of its apparent ability to im- 
prove the composition of seminal fluid. 
Taking a soft gel capsule (50 to 100 mil- 
ligrams) twice a day should result in in- 
creased volume in three to four weeks.— 
R.H., Washington, North Carolina 
Although a few studies have suggested 
that Pygeum africanum can improve the 
quality of semen for fertility purposes, we 
will say again there is no reliable method to 
increase volume besides ejaculatory depriva- 
tion. Add extended foreplay and you should 
produce enough semen to populate a village. 
On the other end of the scale, if your output 
is consistently less than about a fifth of a tea- 
spoon, see а doctor. He'll probably tell you to 


cut down on the smokes and/or alcohol, or 
he'll check for infection, a blocked ejaculato- 
ry duct or other complications. 


ДА woman I met online wants to intro- 
duce me to underarm fucking. She says 
the underarm is very sensitive and that 
she can tighten down as much as it takes 
to increase a man’s pleasure. Ever hear 
of this?—R.C., Los Angeles, California 

Of course. We're not enthusiasts, but we 
are all-knowing. According to one of our fa- 
vorite bedside books, the Encyclopedia of Un- 
usual Sex Practices, the technique is more 
common in Europe, where women typically 
allow their armpit hair to grow. Some men 
enjoy axillism more after the woman has 
shaved, but before stubble forms, which can 
irrilate the penis. 


1 was in a relationship last fall, and the 
sex was terrible. She lay there and did 
nothing. The second and last time we 
had sex, I wanted to get it over with. So, 
after a respectable amount of time, 1 
increased the pace, threw in some ap- 
propriate facial expressions and moans 
and pretended to come. I rolled off, re- 
moved the condom, threw it in the gar- 
bage and slipped into cuddle mode. 1 
have told some friends this story and 
they think it’s funny, though a bit sad. 
Have you ever heard of a man faking it? 
I know I can't be the first guy to try 
this—C€ D , Fort Bragg, North Carolina 

You and your friends are right on both 
counts: You're not the first guy to try it, and 
it is rather sad. You'd be surprised how many 
men fake climaxes. They do it for the same 
reasons women do: They aren't aroused by 
their partner or the intercourse and they 
want to get the situation over with. Others 
may have trouble coming because of exhaus- 
tion, intoxication or for medical reasons and 
fear how their partner will react, Faking an 
orgasm wasn't the best way to handle the sit- 
uation, and the deception seems like too 
much work to prolong a dud of a relation- 
ship. You should have withdrawn and asked 
your partner (gently) why she wasn't respon- 
sive. She may have been as bared аз you 
were, or inexperienced and unsure how to 
tell you what turns her on. 


Va like to make an important point re- 
garding the mile high club discussed in 
your column. The only people who can 
join are the pilot and his or her partner. 
Passengers, a.k.a. self-loading freight, do 
not qualify. A purist like myself also says 
the autopilot should not be used. Am La 
member of the club? No, I am simply а 
pilot who hates to see what began as an 
exclusive club watered down for ground- 
lings. ГЇ earn my wings one day, and I 
will do so in а way I can be proud of — 
PJ., San Leandro, California 

Now, now—we're all in this together. Your 
standard is much too strict, and making love 
in the cockpit of an airborne plane is fool- 
hardy. In our view, a pilot who's having in- 


tercourse is freight on a pilotless plane. You 
Лу and let passengers take care of the sex. 


There can't be a better place to greet 
the new century than the Playboy Man- 
sion. Can the Advisor get me into the 
New Year's Eve bash? Maybe you know 
of a secret entrance. If there is one, and 
you can reveal it, please don’t print my 
letter.—K.S., Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania 

We thought we'd found a secret entrance 
once but ended up in the monkey cage. As 
you suspect, New Year's is a tough ticket. 
As much as Hef would like to invite every 
reader (especially the cute, female, single 
ones), the Mansion is short a few million rest 
rooms. However, there is a way in, and we'll 
do our best to keep this from getting out: 
Each year, a reader attends with a guest be- 
cause he or she won a sweepstakes sponsored 
by our circulation department. Entry forms 
are sent to readers who gave gift subscrip- 
tions the previous year. The 1999 forms have 
been distributed, but you can always shoot 
for December 31, 2000. That’s the eve of the 
actual turn of the century, anyway, and cer- 
tain to be just as memorable. 


МІ, wife poses nude at art schools. 1 
asked her if it turns her on, and she 
replied, “Don't be silly. It's for the mon- 
еу” However, I visited her while she was 
working and noticed that her nipples 
were erect. To me, that's a sign of arousal. 
Also, I arrived a few times during her 
breaks and found her talking to the stu- 
dents without a robe. She said they had 
seen her naked anyway, so what's the dif- 
ference? I know she isn't cheating on 
me, but I have a feeling she might be an 
exhibitionist. What do you think?—T.H., 
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania 

Erect nipples don't necessarily indicate 
sexual arousal. Room temperature is set with 
the assumption that everyone will be wear- 
ing clothes, so your wife may just be cold. A 
woman who poses nude must be confident 
and comfortable with her body, which likely 
means she’s confident and comfortable in 
bed. You want to stifle those instincts? Light- 
en up and let her do her job. If she’s an exh 
bitionist, then you're married to an ex] 
tionist. That's not all bad. 


All reasonable questions—from fashion, food 
and drink, stereo and sports cars to dat- 
ing dilemmas, taste and etiquette—will be 
personally answered if the writer includes а 
self-addressed, stamped envelope. The most 
provocative, pertinent questions will be pre- 
sented in these pages each month. Write the 
Playboy Advisor, PLAYBOY, 680 North Lake 
Shore Drive, Chicago, Illinois 60611, or ad 
visor@playboy.com. Look for responses to 
our most frequently asked questions at 
playboy.com/faq, and check out the Advisor's 
latest collection of sex tricks, 365 Ways to 
Improve Your Sex Life, available in book- 
stores or by phoning 800-423-9494. 


THE PLAYBOY FORUM 


or the past three years I have ex- 
perienced time travel, surround- 
ing myself with words, photo- 
graphs and film. When I told friends 
I was writing a history of the sexu- 
al revolution that would appear 
ten parts in this magazine and later 
as a book, 1 always confessed that I 
couldn't wait to see how it 
would turn out. 
Оп one of my 
first days of re- 
search I visited 
the Planned Par- 
enthood offices 
New York City 
то look at docu- 


PART II 
1910-1919 


ments in its Mar- 
garet Sanger col- 
lection. Before 1 
entered, a security 
guard checked my 
bag for weapons and explosive de- 
vices. When I had finished copying 
pages from Sanger's Woman Rebel and 
birth control tracts from the first quar- 
ter of the century, the same guard es- 
corted me to the street. Sanger's fight 
for a woman's right to control her 
own body had polarized the country. 
The abortion debate, for years con- 
ducted at rallies and teach-ins, is now 
the province of terrorists. 

When I stopped a woman on the 
Indiana University campus to ask di- 
rections to the Kinsey Institute, she 
expressed envy that I was being al- 
lowed into the “innermost sanctum.” 
I was puzzled by her response until I 
found myself going through rings of 
security before gaining access to the 
te's library. The books them- 
selves are kept behind a green door. 1 
sorted through three card catalogs— 
from Alfred Kinsey's original guide to 
a modern though not yet complete 
computer index. 

When a Kinsey intern brought out 
the books and papers I requested, the 
discovery began. Kinsey's meticulous, 
notes in margins and on fronti 


hi 
study of sex looks like, I thought. 


By JAMES R. PETERSEN 


My research took me to the Nation- 
al Archives, to book and film collec- 
tors, to academic libraries and also to 
PLAYBOY's own considerable holdings. 
1 read journals. novels. biographies, 

textbooks, leaflets, maga- 
zines and letters, looking 
for signposts of the sexual 
revolution. 

The change that began 
at the turn of the centu- 
ту got its name іп 1946, 
when psychologist Wil- 

helm Reich translated 
| Die Sexualität im Kultur- 

kampf. He called the 
culture war The Sexual 
Revolution. Contrast- 
| ing that tumultuous 
upheaval with the in- 
dustrial revolution 
and the workers’ rev- 
olution, Reich pro- 
posed a more subtle соп- 
frontation. “The word revolutionary 
in this book does not mean the use of 
dynamite, but the use of truth. It does 
not mean secret meetings 
and the distribution of il- 
legal literature, but open 
and public appeal to 
human conscience, with- 
out reservations, circum- 
locutions and а п 
does not mean politi- 
cal gangsterism, execu- 
s, appointmen 
making and breaking 
of pacts; it means revo- 
lutionary in the sense 
of being radical—that 
is, of going to the roots 
of things.” 

The sexual revolu- 
tion ignited conflict 
‘on two fronts: the public 
image of sex (the writen word oi 
ages flickering on nickelodeons, silver 
screens, television sets or computer 
monitors) and the private behavior 
of adults. What was to be allowed? 
Who would control sex—the church 
(through the bully pulpit and the con- 
cepts of sin and damnation), the state 
(through the lawbook and prison), 
the individual (through courage, cu- 


im- 


riosity, freedom and choice) or com- 
munities of peers (through rumor, 
gossip and scandal)? Who would have 
guessed the importance of the latter? 
We cannot even feed ourselves with- 
out running a gantlet of gossip at the 
grocery store. 

Consider how far we've come. In 
1871 Victoria Woodhull addressed 
Congress (the first woman to do so) 
ie of women’s suffrage. In 
ss the country, she advo- 
cated free love. To the modern ear 
that term invokes images of hippies 
cavorting in hot tubs, of couples tan- 
gling in satin sheets on water beds, of 
naked bodies slithering through Wes- 
son oil orgies. Woodhull's intent was 
more noble. She challenged the au- 
thority of church and state to dictate 
affairs of the heart: “I have ап in- 
alienable, constitutional and a natural 
right to love whom I may, to love for 
as long or as short a period as I can, 
to change that love every day I please, 
and with that right neither you nor 
any law you can frame have any right 
to interfere." 

Woodhull was outraged at the divi- 

sion between the pub- 
lic image of sex 
and private be- 
havior, what she 
called "the com- 
pulsory nee 
гізу and system- 
atic falsehood" 
that permeated 
society. When she 
exposed a 
terous li 


PART I 
1920-1929 


tween Henry Ward 
Beecher (а leadiny 
advocate of family 
values and a pillar of New York's Ply- 
mouth Church) and Elizabeth Tilte 

shioner and the wife of Вес- 
best friend), Woodhull, not 
Beecher, was ostracized. When her 
newspaper tried to expose а respect- 
ed Wall Street gentleman wh 
seducing a young woman, ^ 
for days on his finger, exbibi 


45 


46 


triumph, the red trophy of her virgini- 
ty" Woodhull was arrested by Anthony 
Comstock for obscenity. 

Ours is not a culture that commemo- 
rates the battles of the sexual revolu- 
tion. At several points during the proj- 
ect, I conducted tours of New York, 

ington, San Francisco 
and Los 


Angeles, 
lonking for sites that а 
sexually literate culture would mark 
with bronze plaques or statues. Ameri- 
са” sexual history is embedded in its 
urban landscapes. In New York I could 
stand on a street corner near Union 
Square and look from a building that 
once housed the office of the ACLU 
(where lawyer Morris Ernst fought the 
battles that allowed Americans to im- 
port both James Joyce's Ulysses and the 
latest in Japanese pessaries) to the stu- 
dio where Irving Klaw took photo- 
graphs of Bettie Page. In Greenwich 
Village I could walk from the home of 
Edna St. Vincent Millay (“Lust was 
there and nights not spent alone”), past 
the labor halls where Emma Goldman 
preached free love and anarchy, to the 
courthouse where America watched 
the first “trial of the century” (mil- 
lionare Harry Thaw was accused of 
murdering architect Stanford White 
because White had “defiled” Thaw's 
wife іп her youth). In Times Square 1 
saw a billboard promoting Ragtime, a 
musical based on the White-Nesbit- 
[haw triangle. The murder story sull 
fascinates America, I also savored ап 
exhibit that showed the evolution of a 
single building. The New Amsterdam 
Theater had been home to the Ziegfeld 
Follies, a temple devoted to the glorifi- 
cation of the American woman. The 
Depression bankrupted the great show- 
man Florenz Ziegfeld, and the New Am- 


19351538) 


sterdam had been reduced to a bur- 
lesque house. It followed the decline of 
42nd Street into a row of grind houses, 
then X-rated triple-bill porn parlors. 
Now, the building is the den of Disney's 
Lion King. 

At the time, Mayor Rudolph Giuliani 
had launched a major cleanup of New 
York City with an ordinance that for- 

bade the opcration of adult enter- 

prises within 500 feet of a church 
or school. As I walked past Cooper 
Union, 1 passed a street vendor sell- 
ing pornography out of a pushcart. 

In Washington, our tour started at 
Union Station, built at the turn of the 

century, when Americans traveled to 
the capital by rail. The building is 
guarded by statues of Roman centu- 
rions standing behind shields. The 
sculptor had originally created naked 
warriors, but city leaders demanded 
modesty panels. 
The public had 
to be protected 
The city had 
crushed sexuali- 
ty under massive marble buildings 
The Ronald Reagan Building stands 
where a red-light district once flour- 
ished and where, during the Seventies, 
you could get a burger and a massage 
on your lunch hour. 

San Francisco is one city that does 
commemorate a few landmarks of 
the sexual revolution. The nightclub 
where Sally Rand danced naked in the 

Thirties has been lovingly restored as 
the Great American Music Hall, and 
just down the street is the Mitchell 
Brothers’ O'Farrell Theater, where 
crowds flock to see X-rated 
movies and to 
watch porn 
stars perform 
in its private 
booths. Out- 
side the Condor 
in North Beach, 
there's a bronze 
plaque telling 
passersby that this 


PART IV 


is where it all start- 


ed, where the world 
watched Carol Doda's 
bosom swell from a 36- 
to a 44-inch monument. Once again, 
I could stand on a corner and glance 
from the City Lights bookstore, where 
Beats laid the seeds of the countercul- 
ture, to a block of nightclubs such as 


the hungry i, where hip subversives 
mocked the conformity of the Fifties 
The Condor is now a sports bar, which 
may say more about the outcome of the 
sexual revolution than any of the other 
landmarks. 

In Los Angeles, the Pussycat The- 
ater, where Deep Throat played 13 times 
a day for ten years, is now the Tom- 
kat, and is devoted to gay fare. On the 
sidewalk outside, the footprints and 
handprints of John Holmes, Linda 
Lovelace, Marilyn Chambers and Har- 
ry Reems are immortalized in concrete, 
though those are the parts of a porn 
star's anatomy the public is 
ested in. The Pleasure Ch 
across the street. Both survivors of the 
Seventies are in decline, replaced by 
the world of adult videos and catalog 
erotica. Ciro's, where Paulette God- 
dard and Anatole Litvak grappled un- 
der a table during World War IT, where 
Lili St. Cyr was paid $7500 a week to 
bathe naked in a see-through bathtub 
filled with soap bubbles, is now the 
Comedy Store, a breeding ground for 
stand-up sex historians. 

Someone still places fresh flowers on 
the grave of Virginia Rappé, the actress 
who died after partying with Fatty Ar- 
buckle in San Francisco in 1921. Near 
the tomb of Cecil B. De Mille, the film- 
maker who made all those biblical orgy 
grave reserved for two men 
imply COMPANIONS. 

We are no closer to understanding 
sex now than we were a century ago. 
Walter Lippmann suggested that lust 
has a thousand avenues. It is woven in- 

to our lives, in ways that slide 
and slither or rub us raw 
Еусгу new technology, from 
the telephone to the Inter 
net, adds a thread to the 
weave. We will never go 
back. We have, in one way. 
become a single sexual cul- 
ture—nothing is hidden 
Nearly everyone reacts to 
a Madonna video, some 
with arousal, some with 
loathing. 

We have expanded 
forever the repertoire 
of private acts between 
consenting adults 

There is no single 

ay to be a man, no single 


__ A wena. Sex has suveived 


attempts to shackle it with adjectives 
like degrading or dehumanizing. The 
sexual revolution was a war of words, 
fought on newsstands and in produc- 
tion studios across the country. In 
its own way, the American Society of 


O УУ | 


Magazine Editors recognized this when 
itinducted Hugh Hefner and Gloria 
Steinem into its Hall of Fame. 

“The battle to control sexuality is ci 
reering into the next century. The reli- 
gious right opposes research in birth 
control and abortion drugs. Right-to- 
life groups call RU-486 “the French 
death pill." The Vatican refers to it 
as “the pill of Cain: the monster that 
eynically kills its brother.” That de- 
bate has 


PART МІ moved 
1950-1959 beyond 
words. 

Zealots 

have fired 


shots into the 
homes of 
abortion 
providers 
and set off 
bombs out- 
side сї s 
They have 
resisted ex- 
tending com- 
mon rights to 
sexual m 

norities, try- 
ing to protect. 
the institu- 

n of marriage by eliminating the al 
ternatives. They have beaten, burned 
and hanged from fences those who dis- 
agree. As they have for more than 100 
years, different factions seize the tools 
of government and try to create a can- 
on of sex in their own likeness. Blue 
laws against sodomy nestle next to 
codes that criminalize flirtation as sex- 
ual harassment; laws that prohibit in- 
decency stand next to the First Amend- 
ment. “Abstinence-only” sex education 
becomes the law of the land. 

For more than a century, special in- 
terest groups—from the Society for the 
Suppression of Vice to Charles Keat- 
ing's Citizens for Decent Literature to 
Jerry Falwell's Moral Majority—have 
targeted individuals. They have used 
panic and the blunt instrument of fear 
to shape public ideas of sexual propri- 
ety. Sexual scandal, the freeze-frame of 
the information age, nearly toppled a 
president. 
ere have been those who have 
moralized about sex and those who've 
treated it as a medical problem. There 
are those who would let disease run 
rampant as the wages of sin, and those 
who fight to find cures, to keep sex free 
of crippling consequences. 

Pinned to my bulletin board is this 


headline from the August 15, 1998 Bay 
Area Reporter: NO OBITS. 


For the first time in 17 years, the gay 
weekly, based in San Francisco, carried 
no death notices for AIDS victims. At 
the height of the epidemic the paper 
was running a dozen obituaries a week. 

The news was repeated in official 
form in October 1998 when the Cen- 
ters for Discase Control reported that 
AIDS deaths in America had declined 
by 47 percent. While no cure for the 
disease is in sight, doctors have found 
that a cocktail of protease inhibitors 
can block reproduction of HIV. The 
epidemic is slowing: In the mid-Eight- 
ies San Francisco doctors recorded some 
8000 infections a year; the figure is 
down to 600. This is good news to car- 
ry into the next century, though hope 
is tempered by reports that in the rest 
of the world, AIDS is obliterating en- 
ire generations. 

In 1998, Pfizer introduced Viagra, a 
pill initially offered as а cure for impo- 
tence and crection culties. The pill 
affects the tide of blood that accompa- 
nies arousal: It makes for firmer, lon- 
ger-lasting erections. It was immedi- 
ately perceived as a recreational drug, 
D.H. Lawrence in a bottle. 

"The penis is back," proclaimed an 
editorial in PLAYBOY. “The Sixties put 
the clitoris stage center. The penis 
had been symbolic of male 
oppression. After 30 years of 
clitoral tyran- 
ny, millions 
of hours of 
cunnilingus 
апа battery- 
assisted orgasms, Viagra offered 
a return to phallic-centered sex, 
the great god Cock.” 

There was surprisingly little 
controversy surrounding Viagra. 
Bob Dole. the Republican Party's 
most recent presidential nominee, 
became a spokesman for erectile dy 
function. Viagra is the first of a series 
of quality-of-life drugs. In the pipe- 
line are laboratory concoctions that 
purportedly increase female response, 
gels that aid arousal. There are scien- 
tists who think increased pleasure is a 
worthy goal, not an ethical failure. This 
too is good new: 

When insurers agreed to cover Viag- 
ra, women who pay for birth control 
pills pointed out the irony. Now at least 
30 states have passed laws extending 
coverage to the pill. 

America will forever be divided into 
two warring camps. There are those 
who say, "If you do not control sex. sex 
controls you.” They see in the glimpse 
of an ankle or an exposed breast the 
entire universe of sex, the chaos, the 


PART IX 
1980-1989 


enthusiasm, the loss of self. They look 
at the world through a keyhole, and 
what lies beyond terrifies. It is adult. 
It is demonic. It is not the safety of 
the untempted, the unaware. For more 
than 100 years censors have tried to 
eliminate the sexual from the environ- 
ment in the name of protecting women 
and children. Anthony Comstock, who 
plucked Paul Chabas' September Morn 
from a store window, was a moral an- 
cestor of the person who condemned a 
Where's Waldo? book because you could 
see part of a woman's breast in a beach 
scene. Wrath has a way of being under- 
mined by the ridiculous. 
Conservatives despise the sexual rev- 
olution, viewing it as the assault on 
a single, sacred model of sex: that of 
intercourse within marriage, an act 
bound by consequence and responsi- 
bility. An act done, as with the animals 
on the ark, by couples. We have wit- 
nessed a century of alternatives—from 
commercial sex to premarital sex, from 
solo sex to sex with multiple partners, 
from sex in private to sex shared with 


others through technology. Sex exists 
in a thousand different 
forms, almost all 


of them fascinating. 

There are those who embrace sex, 
who play with the danger, who pass 
through the keyhole into a universe of 
pleasure. They swim laps in the “sea 
of provocation” and consider “genital 
commotion” to be the most human vi- 
tal sign. For them, sex is a form of en- 
thusiasm, a playground, a wellspring of 
intimacy, chuckles and ecstasy. They 
are the victors іп the sexual revolution. 


47 


48 


R E 


E R 


BUZZ CUTS 

Susie Bright counts off four 
states with vibrators on the hit 
list: Georgia, Louisiana, Texas, 
and—momentarily—Alabama 
("Buzz of the Century,” The 
Playboy Forum, August). A few 
other states, such as Ohio, Vir- 
ginia and Mississippi, also have 
laws that could be read to ban 
sex toys. Mississippi specifies 
that the devices must be “three- 
dimensional.” Virginia bans 
any obscene instrument or nov- 
elty device used to create “ob- 
scene sounds.” However, there 
is good news to report. In July, 
Louisiana's First Circuit Court 
of Appeals overturned that 
state's law. Perhaps soon we will 
live in a nation where you can | 


sell a dildo from sea to shining ||| 


sea without legal interference. 
According to data released 
by the National Sexual Health 
Survey, at least 10 percent of 
sexually active American adults 
use toys in solo or partnered 
sex. That translates to more 
than 13 million people. 

Sex toys are not some evil 
that needs to be eradicated, nor 
is masturbation a mass social 
problem that needs to be addressed 
Unfortunately, more than one group 
of prudes still consider masturbation 
taboo. That doesn't mean they don't 
do it, just that they don't want to talk 
about it. I know—whenever I've told 
people that I'm writing a book about 
masturbation for Down There Press, 
there's silence, followed by a change of 
subject. It's a real conversation derail- 
ег. Fortunately, a number of people 
with brilliant, dirty minds, such as Ra- 
chel Maines and Susie Bright, help ev- 
eryone see the light. 

Martha Cornog 
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania 

In its opinion, Louisiana's First Circuit 
Court of Appeals ruled that the overly broad 
statute against sex toys “exceeds the limits of 
the state's legitimate interest and authority.” 
But Chief Justice Burrell Carter was careful 
to note that he and another judge “personal- 
by find the items seized to be shameful, repre- 
hensible and disgusting.” He suggested stale 
legislators rewrile the statute more narrowly 
50 that it could pass constitutional muster 
and “protect children and nonconsenting 
adults by regulating the sale, promotion, ad- 
vertising and display of these devices." All 


FOR THE RECORD 


mm 


"BED! 


"Big breasts are the cheapest special effects in 
the business.” 
—B-movie director Jim Wynorski in the documen- 
tary Some Nudity Required, which examines the 
multimillion-dollar direct-to-video industry. Wy- 
norski directed Sorority House Massacre II, Sor- 


ceress and Scream Queen Hot Tub Party. 


that bluster over a vibrator? 

While awaiting the Louisiana appeals 
court ruling, the plaintiff in the case, Chris- 
tine Brenan, restocked her store shelves with 
sex toys. She also finalized plans to open 
three new stores in the state. 

We asked several San Francisco stores 
that sell sex toys by mail order or through 
catalogs on the Internet if they fulfilled or- 
ders from states such as Georgia and Texas, 
and they assured us they ship vibrators and 
dildos anywhere in the country. They said 
they interpret restrictive laws against sex toys 
10 apply only to stores that are located within 
those states. 


1 was surprised to read in Bright's 
article that no one knows why ordinary 
s does not give the most efficient 
means of stimulation to women 

In my book, The X-Rated Bible: An Ir- 
reverent Survey of Sex in the Scriptures, 1 
share the story of how Hawaiians and 
members of other Polynesian island 
cultures surreptitiously observed mis- 
sionaries having sex with the man on 
top. They dubbed it the “missionary 
position,” believing it was ordained by 
God for their spiritual mentors. How- 


ever, they knew intuitively that 
it was not a satisfying position 
to gratify women, and they al- 
most never had intercourse in 
that manner. 

Half a century ago. Wilhelm 
Reich turned our topsy-turvy, 
sexophobic world right side up 
by stating that in sexual inter- 
course, the procreative aspect is 
incidental to the pleasure as- 
pect, not the other way around. 

Ben Akerley 
Los Angeles, California 


GUN RIGHTS 

As James R. Petersen re- 
veals in “Guns 'R' Us" (The 
Playboy Forum, July), gun con- 
trol does not reduce crime. 
Attacks on the rights of gun 
owners need to stop. The gov- 
ernment should use existing 
laws to keep criminals off the 
street, and not penalize the rest 
of us for exercising our Second 
Amendment rights 

Those who favor gun control 
aren't truly concerned about 
child safety, as two New York 
state senators have demonstrat- 
ed. A current proposal would 
allow the National Rifle Associ- 
ation to teach the “Eddie Eagle” gun 
safety program in New York schools. 
Eddie, a cartoon eagle, has a simple 
message to deliver to children: “If you 
see a gun, stop, don't touch it, leave 
the area, tell an adult.” This program 
aims to eliminate accidental shootings 
caused by children playing with guns. 
But the senators maligned Eddie Fagle 
by calling him "Joe Camel with feath- 
ers." That these politicians would try to 
block a program that could save young 
lives is indicative of their true agenda: 
to thwart the NRA. 

Gun owners enjoy exercising their 
Second Amendment rights just as 
much as journalists enjoy exercising 
their First Amendme: hts. The me- 
dia should stop blindly accepting anti- 
gun messages. 


Todd Su 
Genev 


low 
, New York 


SCHOOL DRUG TESTING 
‘This year, the school system in Vilon- 
ia, Arkansas began drug-testing stu- 
dents involved in extracurricular activ- 
ities. Didn't the Supreme Court rul 
you mention in the August Newsfront 


| BELI 


R E S 


р oO 


N. 3 E 


item “Say No to Searches” make this 
practice illegal? 1 don't have children, 
but 1 live with a family that does, and 
I will endorse home schooling if the 
school system doesn’t change its ways. 
It concerns me that we may have to re- 
move children from society to protect 
their rights. If this is happening to our 
children, I can imagine what's in store 
for the adults. 

Joshua Hethcoat 

Conway, Arkansas 


My sister recently graduated from 
the same high school I attended. Since 
my school days, the administration has 
implemented a random drug-testing 
policy. The catch is this: If a student r 
fuses to take a yoluntary urine test, his 
privilege of using the school parking 
lot is rescinded. Presumably, those who 
value their personal privacy can no 
longer park their cars at school. 1 have 
two questions: If it’s a public school 
and, by extension, a public parking lot, 
how can the school refuse a student 
driver the right to park? This is a pub- 
lic facility where anyone can usually 
park for an after-school event like a 
football game. Is this a common prob- 
lem or is it unique to our uppity subur- 
ban school? 


Ben Roe 
Indianapolis, Indiana 


In August you reported that the Su- 
preme Court had ruled public schools 
could not conduct broad-based drug 
tests on students. At about the same 
time, in Holcomb, Kansas, the school 
board announced there would be ran- 
dom drug testing required for student 
athletes. Isn't this illegal, according to 
the Court ruling you cited? 
Scott Swann 
Fort Bragg, North Carolina 
Аз ue reported, the U.S. Supreme Court 
has indicated it will not allow broad-based 
testing of an entire student body. In 1995, 
however, the Court permitted a school district 
in Oregon to continue а drug-testing policy 
limited to student athletes. И ruled that be- 
cause the athletes are minors and typically 
dress and shower together, they have a re- 
duced expectation for privacy. Last fall, the 
Court upheld an Indiana high school's poli- 
су that requires drug tests for students т any 
extracurricular activity. This past summer, in 
Oklahoma City, the ACLU filed suit against 
а district that demands drug tests for ex- 
tracurricular activities. The organization ob- 
jected to the policy because some courses re- 


quire students to take part in related after- 
school clubs to receive credit. Whether school 
parking lols are fair game remains to be seen; 
that too may have to be resolved in court. 


POINTLESS PROSECUTION 

In regard to “Pointless Prosecution” 
(For the Record, August), the problem 
isn’t law enforcement officials who have 
stopped Diane McCague from distrib- 
uting needles to addicts. It’s the intra- 
venous drug users who kill themselves 
and possibly others stupid enough to 
share needles or engage in sexual rela- 
tions with them. The unfortunate chil- 
dren of these irresponsible fools proba- 
bly would suffer with or without HIV. 
Do people who gly stick them- 
selves with needles just to get high de- 
serve our consideration and tax dol- 
lars? Let's stop the flow of needles. 
More “safe” heroin use won't accom- 
plish anything 


Doug James 
Springfield, Missouri 
You're wrong. Needle exchanges are an 


effective way to stop the spread of disease, 
and that saves far more people than just 
addicts. Many studies have concluded that 
needle exchange programs significantly de- 
crease the spread of HIV without increasing 
drug use. This is especially important in 
New Jersey, where McCague was arrested: 
It has the nation’s third-highest rate of in- 
travenous HIV infection. You also overlook 
the nature of addiction: Addicts don't stick 
themselves “just to get high,” but rather be- 
cause they've developed a painful physical 
need for the drug. The difference between a 
heroin addict and someone addicted to pre- 
scription drugs is that one of them can ob- 
tain his or her fix through sterile pills with 
the assistance of a doctor. 


We would like to hear your point of view. 
Send questions, opinions and quirky stuff 
to: The Playboy Forum Reader Response, 
PLAYBOY, 680 North Lake Shore Drive, 
Chicago, Illinois 60611, Please include a 
daytime phone number. Fax number: 312- 
951-2939. E-mail: forum@playboy.com 
(please include your city and state). 


FORUM Ғ.Ү.1. 


The grassroots American Drivars Association wants you to know 
your rights. lts members are fed up with unwarranted police 
searches of big rigs and automobiles, so they're posting billboards 
like the one below, situated on Interstate 20 at the Louisiana-Texas 
line. The association says it wants to make drivers aware of their 
right to. refuse a search requast without being detained. It hopes 
eventually to place billboards along every interstate in the country. 


48 


50 


D avid Ziskind married Sybil Hart 
in 1980 in Miami. After a year, 
they had their first child, and then a 
second, both of them girls. Ziskind, a 
psychologist, worked in Philadelphia 
for most of 1987. When Sybil joined 
him there in January 1988, she was 
pregnant with a third girl. 

Their marriage grew rocky. In 1990 
Ziskind moved out and Sybil returned 
to Miami. Some months later, Ziskind 
moved there too, so he could be dose 
to his daughters. In 1994 the couple 
divorced. 

The court limited Ziskind's visiting 
rights to every other Sunday and two 
hours on Wednesday nights 

Together, his ex-wife and the court 
had denied him the chance to act as 
father to the girls. But he was still re- 
quired to provide a steady flow of child 
support payments. In other words, his 
fatherhood began and ended with his 
wallet. 

When work cluded Ziskind in Mi- 
ami, he began to explore the business 
opportunities presented by DNA test- 
ing. Ziskind thought he could tap the 
growing demand for paternity tests 
(one of every three American children 
is born out of wedlock). The test is easy, 
requiring a little blood or saliva from 
both the man and the child. Each year 
about 250,000 men pay from $450 to 
$600 for a DNA test to learn if they are 
the fathers of the children the mothers 
claim they are. About one in seven is 
not. If the results are positive, courts 
regularly order the natural father to 
pay child support. 

But what happens when the results 
are negative, and a man who thought 
he was the natural father discovers һе 
is not? 

Ziskind says he had a DNA test per- 
formed on his youngest daughter to 
gauge the accuracy ofthe procedure ас 
a lab with which he hoped to do busi- 
ness. When the results returned from 
the lab, the report read: "The putative 
father named in this case was not 
found to possess the appropriate ge- 
netic type(s) necessary for him to be the 
biological father.” 

Tests on his older children revealed 
that they, at least, were his; only the 
youngest was not. Someone else, Zi: 
kind now knew, had knocked up his 


when is a dad not a dad? 


By TED C. FISHMAN 


wife while he was working out of town 
She never hinted that the child was not 
his, and he had had no reason to sus- 
реа otherwise. 

With these test results, Ziskind asked 
the court to reduce his child support 
payments. If that sounds coldhearted, 
consider the fact that Ziskind lived with 
the youngest child tor only 18 months, 
and, thanks to the court, had been able 
to sce the girl only 20 times since the 
divorce. 

The court refused Ziskind's request. 
“To add insult to injury, Hart asked the 


court to stop him from calling or seeing 
any of the girls. Further, she moved 
with the girls to Texas, where she had 
accepted a job. Ziskind tracked them 
down near Lubbock and left a phone 
message for his ex-wife: “Yes, I'm call- 
ing about the Ziskind children. This 
is David Ziskind, the putative father. 
Please call me and let me know where 
they are. Goodbye.” Ziskind's new wife, 
Nadine, then took the phone: “Hey, 
Syb, this is Nadine, David's wife. We're 
trying to find the kids, and I'm won- 
dering if you're enjoying your sleep 
and who you're sleeping with.” The 
Florida judge found these messages, 
which Sybil Hart saved, to be inappro- 
priate and demanded that Ziskind “not 
go beyond the scope of normal paren- 
tal conversations and not discuss with 
the children any matter relating to the 


issues regarding the children's biologi- 
cal parentage.” The judge said he was 
“seeking to encourage healthy commu- 
nication between the parties and their 
children.” 

Ziskind had other plans. He began 
representing himself in court, saying 
he could no longer afford an attorney. 
He argued that no restrictions should 
be placed on his conversations with his 
ex-wife's youngest daughter, saying “it 
is in the best interests of the children to 
know their biological heritage, and hid- 
ing it for so many years has had a high- 
ly detrimental impact.” 

On December 10, 1998 Ziskind tele- 
phoned his ex-wife's home. Her youn- 
gest daughter came on the line and 
started to talk about school. Ziskind 
changed the subject, saying he had 
some upsetting news: He wasn't her fa- 
ther. Understandably, the girl took it 
badly. She stayed home from school 
and cried for three days. The girl's 
mother tried to comfort her, but all the 
girl could say was that she wished she 
hadn't found out. 

When details of the phone call were 
published in the alternative newspaper 
Miami New Times, which ran a story de- 
tailing the family saga, the response 
from some members of the public was 
vicious. A letter to the editor railed: “It 
should be a crime when adults set out 
to ruin the lives of innocent children. 
What kind of man is David Ziskind? 
How can he single-handedly destroy 
the formative and impressionable years 
of the youngest c his family? And 
all for what? СІ support payments? 
How shameful it must be knowing 
you've destroyed the beautiful years of 
a child." 

Ziskind believed the girl would find 
out eventually; he thought he owed it 
to her to tell her first. The truth, it 
turned out, earned him a contempt of 
court charge. He served two nights in 
jail before he could raise bail. 

How, you might ask, can a court force 
a man to live a lie? How can it punish а 
man for telling the truth? 

The legal principle is centuries old: 
The man who acts as a father must 
continue to act as a father. The court 
will not willingly create an illegitimate 
child. It is not in the business of bas- 
tardy. The interests of the child always 


come first, whatever hardship they 
may bring to the legal, though not nec- 
essarily biological, father. 

The common law precepts that in- 
form paternity suits draw on the 16th 
century English tradition that pre- 
sumes fathers are those married to the 
women who have birthed the children, 
whether or not there із evidence to the 
contrary. Of course, back then, evi- 
dence th: man was not the father 
was more limited. To prove his case, 
a man had to prove he was sterile, im- 
potent or had been across the ocean at 
the time of conception. The law em- 
bodies the principle that families, or 
the appearance of a family, ought to be 
preserved at all costs. Italso reflects the 
traditional notion that women ought to 
be protected from having their infideli- 
ties exposed in a courtroom. The fic- 
tion of the virtuous wife and saintly 
mother would be preserved at the cost 
of justice. It is an odd alliance of law 
and love, one that protects the inno- 
cent child, plunders the pocket of a de- 
ceived husband and rewards 
the errant wife with a court- 
ordered subsidy. 

Some men have decided 
to fight the law. When Ger- 
ald Miscovich and his wile 
had a son in 1987, Miscovich 
never doubted his pat 
nity, although the child 
unplanned (at least in Mi 
covich's mind). He and his 
wife had agreed to put off 
starting а family and used 
birth control. He initially 
questioned the pregnancy, 
but took his wife's word that 
it had been an “accident.” 

Then, one day in October 
1989, Miscovich came home 
to find his wife had moved 
out with the boy and taken virtually 
everything from their townhouse, ‘That 
night, he had to borrow a pillow to 
sleep on. Fourteen months later, the di- 
vorce settlement obliged him to pay 
child support. He could visit the boy on 
the weekends, 

Two years later, Мізсохіс 5 new fi- 
ancée, а nurse, pointed out that the 
child could not be his biological son. 
The reason: The boy had brown eyes. 
Both Miscovich and the boy's mother 
d, a matching of recessive 
that makes siring a brown-eyed 
y between them virtually impossi- 
e. DNA tests confirmed that Misco- 
vich wasn't the Гаи 

“I felt betrayed,” Miscovich told a lo- 
cal paper, relating how he could not 
sleep and lost 30 pounds after learning 
the facts. He broke the news to the boy 


in 1992, when the child was fou 
had a puzzled look on his face,” 
covich recalled. “He asked, "Who's 

ing to be my daddy?" I said, "Well, we'll 
have to talk to your mom about that." 

Miscovich hasn't seen the boy since 
that day. He knew if he acted in any 
way that showed the court he was at all 
attached to the boy, the court would 
deem him the legal father. But, legal 
strategy aside, for Miscovich the be- 
trayal by his ex-wife ran too deep. 
“Once I had the knowledge that I was 
not his father, I knew I couldn't act as 
his father." 

In 1992 Miscovich stopped paying 
child support. Two years later, his ex- 
wife sued another man, whom she pre- 
sumably believed was the real father, in 
hopes he would pick up the child sup- 
port bills. Tests proved he wasn't the 
dad either. 

"That effort botched, Miscovich's ex- 
wife turned her attention back to him. 
In May 1995, she sued Miscovich for 
child support. Remarkably, the judge 


s- 


refused to allow evidence that he was 
not the boy's father and reinstated Mis- 
covich's child support obligation of 
$537 a month. His wages were gar- 
nished to enforce the ruling. 

The Pennsylvania Supreme Court 
and the U.S. Supreme Court both af- 
firmed the judge's decision without is- 
suing opinions. 

In the age of biotechnology, cuck- 
oldry does not always entail an extra- 
marital affair. Consider the odd case 
of Michael and Debbie Turczyn, who 
were married in 1991 in Allentown, 
Pennsylvania. Over the seven years 
that their marriage lasted, there were 
repeated threats of divorce, and each 
of the parties sought protection orders 
against the other for alleged abuse. 
Nevertheless, the couple tried to have 
children, unsuccessfully. In 1994, Deb- 


bie began seeing a fertility specialist, 
hoping that treatment would lead to vi- 
able eggs. Michael donated the sperm. 

By 1996 their marriage had wors- 
ened, and on November 15 Debbie an- 
nounced she planned on filing for di- 
vorce. Two days later, her doctor called 
to report that several of her eggs were 
ready to be fertilized. Debbie went 
ahead with the procedure but chose 
not to use her husband's sperm. On 
November 18 she had her doctor place 
an order with a sperm bank; a few days 
later the fertilized eggs were implanted 
with sperm from a 5'10”, blond, blue- 
eyed donor. The bill came to $294. 

On November 21 Debbic filed for 
divorce. When she found out she was 
pregnant with quadruplets, Michael 
Turczyn objected on religious grounds 
to selective abortions that would have 
reduced the number of fetuses. As 
the date of the delivery approached, he 
helped get their home ready, hesitant 
to abandon Debbie with four babies 
on the way. 


Although Debbie says she 
told him about the sperm do- 
nor at the time, Michael Tur- 
czyn says he did not learn 
he wasn't the actual father un- 
til he discovered the charge 
from the sperm bank on his 
credit card bill. 

Where paternity is con- 
cerned, no good deed goes 
unpunished. Turczyn's ef- 
forts on the quadruplets' be- 
half proved to the courts he 
was willing to assume a pa- 
rental role. In Pennsylvania, 
if a man acts like a father, he 
is legally the father forever. 

Debbie refiled for divorce 
in March 1998, this time ask- 

C ing for 65 percent of Tur- 
czyn's annual $200,000 income. The 
court decided that Turczyn had to pay 
child support. 

The judge ignored the issue of the 
anonymous sperm donor, and whether 
Turczyn's wife had deceived him. Even 
if she had defrauded him, the state ar- 
gued, he still had to pay what might 
amount to $2.5 million in lifetime child 
support. That's not to mention the 
eventual bills for the quadruplets' col- 
lege education, which could easily add 
another million. 

Go figure: Laws mcant to preserve 
American families end up rewarding 
those who cheat and lie to their own. 

DNA tests have freed wrongly con- 
victed criminals from prison; it appears 
they do not have the power to free un- 
fortunate males from the prison of pre- 
sumed paternity. 


51 


52 


N E W 


S E R 


O N T 


what's happening in the sexual and social arenas 


ADULT TOYS 


EL SEGUNDO, CALIFORNIA—Raise the 
right hand of the 12-inch-high Rad Re- 
eatin’ Tarzan from its loincloth to iis chest 
and the doll emits a jungle yell. Repeat the 


motion rapidly and it looks and sounds like 
Tarzan is having a grand old time. That 
prompted Mattel to restrain Tarzan's arm 
so thal it cant be moved below Ihe waist 
while the doll is in the package, preventing 
curious kids from trying it out in the store 
“We manufacture family products,” а 
spokesperson said. “We want to be care- 
ful.” Mattel also abandoned its plans for a 
line of Barbies with tattoos and nose pierc- 
ings because of complaints from parents 
about Butterfly Art Barbie, who has а liny 
tattoo on her stomach. Meanwhile, in At- 
lanta, Georgia a woman filed criminal 
charges against a local Toys R Us after her 
11-year-old son read the box for an Austin 
Powers action figure and asked her what 
horny meant. 


JUDGMENT DAY 


LOS ANGELES—A local real estate agent 
doesn't believe an angry spouse or broken 
home is punishment enough for adultery 
She would like courts to force cheaters to 
apologize, pay damages for emotional dis- 
tress and serve jail sentences. Laura Oñate 
Palacios also would like to see the other 
тап or woman kick in some cash. "I have 
seen so much anguish and so many ordeals 
that began with infidelity that 1 asked 
myself, Why hasn't anyone done anything 


about il?" Oñate says. She paid $200 to 
file the initiative with the state but must 
gather 419,250 signatures from Califor- 
nia voters to qualify it for the November 
2000 ballet. 


RAIN OF ERROR 


LORTON. VIRGINIA—A “training mis- 
hap” at a firing range used by the Wash- 
ington, D.C. police department sent gun- 
fire into a nearby neighborhood, where 
bullets struck a dozen residences and three 
vehicles and narrowly missed at least one 
child. Eight members of a SWAT team had 
fired submachine guns into the air while 
lying on their backs during a defensive 
“fallen officer” exercise. The D.C. police 
chief closed the facility, pointing out that 
“open-air live-fire ranges and populated 


residential areas simply do mot mix.” 


CARD FROM HELL 


RICHMOND, VIRGINIA—A man acquit- 
ted of indecent expovure filed а 85 million 
lawsuit against the police chief and three 
officers because the vice squad mailed him 
a postcard recommending he be tested for 
sexually transmitted diseases. The man 
had been accused of exposing himself in a 
cily park known as a gay cruising area, 
but trial evidence showed it to be a case of 
mistaken identity. The postcard, which the 
police mailed to about 50 men arrested 
during Operation Clean Park, suggested 
im large letters that the recipients be test- 
ed for AIDS and other STDs. “Have your 
family tested, also, as your behavior may 
put then at risk,” it read. “We care about 
the health of our city.” The man said the 
postcard libeled him by implying he was a 
felon and had a contagious disease. 


CLUB PEN 


WASHINGTON. D.C—A federal jury has 
awarded 835,250 to a former stripper who 
said female guards made her and other in- 
mates perform while she was imprisoned 
four years ago. The woman, who had been 
arrested for shoplifting, said she had per- 
formed three times, including a hot July 
night when she and other inmates danced 
atop a table after covering themselves with 
baby oil. “It was pretty much out of con- 
trol." she said, adding that the experience 
made her feel “humiliated, embarrassed 
and stupid.” Another former stripper who 
said she was forced lo lake part in the baby 


cil performance won а $5.3 million judg- 
ment last year, which the city has appealed. 


HARDER TIME 


WASHINGTON, D.C—The U.S. Supreme 

Court upheld a 1996 law that requires 
federal prisons to prohibit inmates from re- 
ceiving magazines that are sexually explic- 
il or feature nudity (see “Hard Time,” The 
Playbay Forum, February). Three prison- 
ers challenged the law, and р лувох, Pent- 
house and the Periodical and Book Associ- 
ation of America joined the suit. A federal 
judge initially ruled that the law violated 
prisoners’ First Amendment rights. But an 
appeals court overruled him and the high 
court upheld that ruling. Previously, pris- 
оп regulations allowed wardens to ban a 
publication only if it threatened security or 
caused unrest. 


LIFE SAVERS 


LONDON—A chain of stores began at- 
taching labels that explain how to check for 
testicular cancer to pairs of men's under- 
wear. A hospital prepared the message, 
which instructs men to check their testicles 
once a month after a warm bath or shower 
for a lump or swelling of the testes with or 
without pain. Heaviness от aching also 


can be symptoms. Most cases of testicular 
cancer occur in men under 35, but if de- 
tected early, the survival rate tops 90 per- 
cent. Last year the chain added labels that 
explain how to check for breast cancer to its 
stock of bras. 


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SURGEON GENERAL'S WARNING: Quitting Smoking 
Now Greatly Reduces Serious Risks to Your Health. 
IT'S A SMOOTHER PLACE ТО ВЕ. 


Now getting 15 different artists оп one CD 


doesn't require a natural disaster. 


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PLAYBOY INTERVIEW: JESSE VENTURA 


a candid conversation with the mind behind “the body" about life in the ring, 
why pot and prostitution hurt no one and how he could trounce bush and gore 


IPs 11 o'clock Friday morning and Jesse 
Ventura is al the microphone, headphones 
on, at Minneapolis radio station WCCO. 
Неу preparing to spend an hour over the 
airwaves with his constituents. ICs Lunch 
With the Governor, and the press and TV 
reporters are also there—they follow his ev- 
егу public move becau 
states, “You never know what Jesse is going 
to say." He begins with a tirade about lawn 
darts and how the federal government has 
banned them. “You can go down to your lo- 
cal gun dealer and buy а 44 magnum. but 
you can't buy a lawn dart,” he says. “That's 
not my law, that’s the federal law.” He then 
takes on the movement to tear down the 17- 
year-old Metrodome, which could be re- 
placed with a new stadium. After the show he 
talks to a journalist who asks him again 
about the stadium issue. He realizes that a 
new stadium will become а huge issue 71 
cause you run the risk of losing your profes- 
sional teams to this blackmail.” And he knows 
if that happens the governor will get blamed. 
“Bul you know what? this governor don t 
care. This governor will stand by his princi- 
ples. T could understand building a new sta- 
dium if this stadium was 35 years old: but 
you didn't hear one complaint when we won 
the World Series in 1987 and 1991. Then 
they called it the Dome-field advantage. Now 


, as one cameraman 


тама 


= 


“What do we value more today, our children 
or our money? We put money in banks. Banks 
ате guarded by armed guards to make sure 
our money isn’t touched. We put our children 
in schools and protect them with nothing.” 


all of a sudden: "We can't compete here." 
They've got businesses thal are out of whack 
like baseball, and then they think building а 
stadium is going to put them back in compe- 
tition? If stadiums were a good deal, the pri- 
vate sector would be building them.” 

On the drive back to his office he takes a 
call from a Newsweek reporter who has the 
presidency and the control of the Reform 
Party on his mind. nol trying to wrest 
control over anything,” the governor—cur- 
rently the ¡partes most powerful member— 
tells him. “I have the state of Minnesota to 
run. My priority is not to control the Reform 
Party. 1 just feel it’s time for some new lead- 
ership. We have to move beyond Mr. Perot.” 
A few weeks later, Ventura's handpicked can- 
didate, Jack Gargan, took over as the pari 
new chairman. That gives Ventura a big 
voice on who the Reform Party will run for 
president. “I's important for us to have a vi- 
able, fairly well-known candidate. I think а 
candidate like myself could come in through 
the back door and take the election. I never 
led the polls in Minnesota at all, and at the 
primary six weeks before the general election 
1 was polling only ten percent. They have 
polls right now that have me in the 20s, and 
Um not even a candidate. That's one out of 
five people saying they'd vote for me—and 
Гт not running. But 1 will finish my job as 


[m 


“You want to know my definition of gun con- 
trol? Being able to stand there at 25 meters 
and put two rounds in the same hole. That's 
guu control. Gun control people don't know 
what they're talking about.” 


governor because ГА be а hypocrite if I 
turned around and ran for president.” 

This election year, Jesse Ventura is not 
running for president. Not yet, anyway. But 
his opinion is sought by the national press 
He's a frequent guest or subject of conversa- 
tion on all the major political talk shows, 
from Rivera Live lo Meet the Press, as well 
as a late-night talk show favorite. What Gov- 
ernor Jesse Ventura, formerly knoun as the 
wrestler Jesse “the Body” Ventura (and be- 
рге that as Jim Janos), former Navy Seal, 
nightclub bouncer, bodyguard, biker, ring 
announcer, actor and mayor has to say about 
gun control or the legalization of marijuana 
or prostitution or his opinion of the Democ- 
ratic and Republican parties has become 
newsworthy. He ran for governor last year 
as a Reform Party candidate against two 
professional politicians, Democralic State 
Attorney General Hubert “Skip” Humphrey 
111 (son of former vice president Hubert 
Humphrey) and the Republican mayor of St. 
Paul, Norm Coleman. Ventura's surprising 
victory “shocked the world,” a phrase he bor- 
rowed from his idol Muhammad Ali. And his 
performance during his first year in office 
has continued to surprise many who predict- 
ed he would fall flat on his face once he had 
to actually govern 

His approval rating has remained high, 


PS 
В Р p "Una 
PHOTOGRAPHY BY ANDY KING 
“Organized religion is a sham and a crutch 
for weak-minded people who need strength 
in numbers. It tells people to go stick their 
noses in other people's business. The reli- 
gious right wants lo tell people how to live." 


55 


add ісе 


2 ог. Hennessy 
1 о2.5ош тіх 


savor the complexity of 
the Hennessy Sour 


especially as he secured a permanent income- 
tax cul and made good on his promise of а 
sales-lax rebate to taxpayers. But his critics 
complain that he is capitalizing on his name 
and fame while serving as governor: The ad- 
vance for his book I Ain't Got Time to Bleed 
was in the mid six figures. His return to the 
World Wrestling Federation as a referee for 
а pay-per-view event last August may have 
paid him even more. (Although he donated 
his up-front fee of $100,000 to charity, he 
received a percentage of videotape sales and 
compensation for the use of his name.) At the 
American Century Celebrity Golf Champi- 
ouship, Ventura declared himself а profes- 
sional and was paid just over $1000 for 
his last-place finish. The Minneapolis Star 
Tribune estimates that Ventura may have 
earned as much as $2 million to $3 million 
in outside income during the first eight 
months of his term. “Is one thing to promote 
your own book,” observes Steven Schier, 
chairman of the political science department 
а! Carleton College. "It's another thing to 
hire yourself out to a private corporation to 
promote ils event while you're the full-time 
salaried governor of Minnesota. This is an 
ethical line that should not be crossed.” The 
governor defends himself by saying he does 
not earn outside money on government time, 
that he does so on weekends and in the 
evenings, and that what he does should be 
taken “with a grain of salt and a gleam in 
the eye. 

His defenders believe that Ventura has in- 
jected a new spirit into politics. Ohio Repub- 
lican Governor Bob Taft believes Ventura is 
“bringing more national attention to gover- 
nors than we've ever had before.” Arizona 
Senator John McCain says he admires Ventu- 
ra “enormously for telling the truth and hav- 
ing some rational ideas.” Former Minnesota 
congressman Tim Penny has said, “The rea- 
son serious-minded, aliruistic people agreed 
to work for Ventura is that he has made pol- 
itics meaningful again.” And the legions of 
young people who logged onto various Ven- 
tura websites greatly contributed to getting 
others involved in his election. 

Growing up in а middle-class family in 
south Minneapolis, Jim Janos had strict par- 
ents, George and Bernice, who both served 
in World War 11. George Janos had been 
in a tank-destroyer battalion under General 
George Patton; Bernice served as an Army 
nurse in North Africa. Of the two boys (Jim 
and older brother Jan), Jim was the extro- 
vert. Jim and his friends liked to make trou- 
ble in school, started drinking beer in junior 
high and favored sports over academics (Jim 
was a star swimmer). When Jan joined the 
Navy Seals, Jim followed in 1969. By the 
time he was 19 he was sent overseas and 
spent a lot of time drinking, whoring and 
misbehaving in Olongapo in the Philippines. 
During four years as a Seal he learned to 
make explosives, rappel from helicopters and 
Јес! as comfortable as a dolphin underwater: 
Then he left the Navy and rode with a С 
fornia biker gang, the Mongols, for nine 
months. In 1974 he returned to Minnesota, 
where he enrolled in North Hennepin Com- 


munity College and took some acting class- 
es. He married Terry Masters, a teenager 
he met while he was checking IDs at a bar, 
the Rusty Nail, While working as a bouncer, 
he attended his first professional wrestling 
event. Impressed with the way a good 
wrestler could control the crowd, he joined a 
gym where wrestlers worked out. He soon be- 
came a pro wrestler and for long months 
traveled the circuit, making $35 to $65 a 
match while building a name for himself as 
Jesse “the Body" Ventura. Eventually he be- 
came a headliner with long bleached hair, 
wearing feather boas, earrings and glitter- 
ing sunglasses. The more people booed him, 
the more popular he became. But in 1984, 
just before he was slated to wrestle the sport's 
biggest star, Hulk Hogan, blood clots were 
discovered in his lungs, and he was forced to 
quit wrestling. The WWE not wanting to 
lose his outrageous mouth, hired him as a 
ringside announcer. (His relationship with 
the WWF has been stormy. Ventura sued in 
1991, claiming the WWF was marketing his 
image without his permission. Despite the 
bad blood, he returned to the WWF in Au- 
gust to referee Summer Slam.) 

When Hollywood needed a strong body to 
help hunt down an evil alien, Veutura was 
cast in Predator (1987), which was followed 
by parts іп The Running Man (1987), Ке- 
possessed (1990), Abraxas (1991), Demoli- 
tion Man (1993), Major League II (1994) 
and Batman and Robin (1997). When a TV 
series he was to star in didn't pan out and he 
lost his job as a WWF announcer, he decided 
to run for mayor of Brooklyn Park, а Min- 
neapolis suburb, over a personal issue—he 
was angry about а proposed sewer and hous- 
ing project that threatened the wetlands near 
his home. He shocked everyone, including 
himself, by winning 63 percent of the vote 
in 1990. 

We sent Contributing Editor Lawrence Gro- 
bel (whose last interview was with Nich Nol- 
te) to the Minnesota state capitol lo spend а 
week with the governor. Grobel’s report: 

“What I found most refreshing about Gov- 
ernor Ventura was his willingness to defend 
his positions and attack his interrogators, 
During our first session, he was sizing me 
up. By the second day he had invited me to 
attend the Juneral of his high school coach. 
During our third session he began challeng- 
ing my positions on subjects I was asking 
him about. When we discussed handgun 
control, the governor called me a ‘liberal 
weenie’ for not believing every house should 
be equipped with weapons of destruction. 
He's an imposing man who's not easily in- 
timidated, and he's convinced he has the au- 
ra that will take him to higher places. He al- 
so believes he has yet to reach whatever 
destiny has in store for him. It wouldn't sur- 
prise me at all if we'll be knocking at Ventu- 
ғау door to interview him again, say, three 
years from now.” 


PLAYBOY: Did you ever think that one day 
you would be the center of all this media 
attention? 

VENTURA: No, because I worked in the 


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59 


PLAYBOY 


world of wrestling, which 15 ridiculed 

Nobody ever looks at wrestlers for the 
talent they have. Most people consider 
wrestling fans ignorant, and if they re in- 
telligent they've had to live their lives 
like gay people—they've had to stay in 
the closet. They are fans of wrestling, but 
they wouldn't dare tell anyone. 

PLAYBOY: You're certainly being taken se- 
riously now. How comfortable are you 
exchanging your feather boas and ear- 
rings for a tie and jacket? 

VENTURA: Getting used to it. ] wear a suit 
four days a week. Friday is my casual 
day—I come in wearing blue jeans, cow- 
boy boots and a T-shirt. I dress up to 
bring dignity to the office. What I do 
here is an honor that's been given to me 
by the state. 1 don't know if I'll ever feel 
comfortable here, because it’s the first 
office I've had. It's the first desk, really. 

PLAYBOY: How has becoming governor 
changed you? 

VENTURA: I try to control my temper 
more. I try not to react as quickly as I did 
in my other careers, where it was accept- 
able. In this job anything you say will be 
used against you by the press and in the 
court of public opinion. You're not al- 
lowed to joke, or laugh. I do it anyway 
and I get in trouble for it all the time. 
1 do my radio show every Friday, and 
when I go into my radio mode it's balls 
to the walls, no holds barred. When peo- 


fling feathers, because generally a gover- 
nor has to take it but can't dish it out. 
Гуе put myself in a position with my ra- 
dio show to be able to dish it back, and 
they don't like that. 

PLAYBOY: What are the perks that can 
spoil a governor? 

VENTURA: My chefs. I've got two of the 
best in the business. 

PLAYBOY: Do you ever cook? 

VENTURA: No. 1 will make something in a 
blender and drink it. It's easy. No dishes. 
About the only thing ГЇ cook is soup— 
you cut it out of a can and stick it in the 
microwave. 

PLAYBOY: What's the best thing about be- 
ing governor? 

VENTURA: It's good to be the king. The 
best thing is that there's no one in this 
state who can tell me what to do. 
PLAYBOY: And the worst? 

VENTURA: You become a slave. I can't go 
anywhere without guards. You become a 
prisoner of your own success. 

PLAYBOY: In the hierarchy of elected ofli- 
cials, which comes first, governor or U.S. 
senator? 

ventura: The executive branch is high- 
er. You can set your own rules, per se. As 
a senator you're just one of 100. As gov- 
ernor you're one of 50, and you're num- 
ber one within the boundaries of your 
domain. 

PLAYBOY: What is most important for you 
to accomplish as governor? 


VENTURA: To prove that I can govern 
now. The day after we won the election 
we all met in my kitchen and looked at 
each other and said, “What the hell do 
we do now?” No Reform Party candidate 
had ever won ata major level. There was 
no one there who knew what to do. My 
wife's best friend recommended Steven 
Bosacker to help me out. He had worked 
hard on [Independent Party candidate] 
John Anderson's campaign for president 
in 1980, and I voted for John Anderson 
Bosacker came onboard to be my transi- 
tion chief of staff and stayed on. It’s one 
of the best decisions Гуе ever made. 
PLAYBOY: What's his job? 

VENTURA: He's responsible for running 
and handling my entire administration. 
My job is somewhat of an oxymoron: I 
do everything and yet I do nothing. 
Steven is like the Ех-О in the military. 
I'm the commanding officer, but the ex- 
ecutive officer in many ways runs the 
day-to-day op 
PLAYBOY: That sounds like the way Ron- 
ald Reagan governed, by being a good 
delegator. 

VENTURA: I've been compared a lot to 
Reagan. 1 appoint experts in their fields 
as my commissioners and then I get out 
of the way. I have only a high school ed- 
ucation, but I'm street smart, which can 
be more effective than college degrees. I 
operate under a rule I learned during 
my Seals training: Keep it simple and 


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stupid. That's common sense. 
PLAYBOY: During your book tour you 
drew a larger crowd at the Nixon Li- 
brary than Henry Kissinger or Newt 
Gingrich. Do you find that ironic? 
VENTURA: Flattered that I've had that 
type of impact. The thing people need 
wo ask is: Why is Jesse Ventura outdraw- 
ing Newt Gingrich or Henry Kissinger? 
PLAYBOY: Do you have an answer? 
VENTURA: The answer is that people are 
searching for the truth, for someone 
they can truly believe in. The truth may 
not be what they want to hear, but they 
at least know they're getting it 

PLAYBOY: How do you distinguish һе- 
tween the Republican, Democratic and 
Reform parties? 

VENTURA: It's simple: I'm fiscally conser- 
vative, but I'm socially liberal. If you're а 
Republican you have to be fiscally and 
socially conservative. If you're a Demo- 
crat you have to be fiscally and socially 
liberal. I'm half of each, and that's the 
Reform Party. 

PLAYBOY: Governor George W. Bush and 
Vice President Al Gore are the front- 
runners for their parties’ nominations. 
What's your take on them? 

VENTURA: I met both George and the vice 
president and found them to be very 
nice. But all we're hearing about is Bush 
and Gore. The campaign started a year 
and half before the election. I'll be so 
sick of it by the time the election gets 


here, I'll want to throw up. 
PLAYBOY: Your opinion of Bill Bradley? 
VENTURA: Pretty good basketball player. 
PLAYBOY: Pat Buchanan? 

VENTURA: | respect him. He makes peo- 
ple think. He and I differ drastically on 
social issues, and that would hold him 
back from being the Reform Party nom- 
ince. Mr. Buchanan puts certain social is- 
sues like abortion on the front burner. 
We in the Reform Party do not. We don't 
even have abortion on our platform. It's 
not a political issue. It's been decided hy 
the courts, and it should be challenged 
in the courts. 

PLAYBOY: Steve Forbes claims, like you, 
that he's a political outsider. 

VENTURA: Steve Forbes has been wealthy 
his whole life. I don't like his flat tax—we 
already have that; it’s called Social Se- 
curity and look what a mess that's in. 1 
like a national sales tax. It would put 
the government on a direct budget with 
the economy, so it would be imperative 
for the government to work to keep the 
economy good. Right now the govern- 
ment couldn't care less, because they get 
your money first. 

PLAYBOY: You're a big supporter of Colin 
Powell, once saying that if he ran for 
president you'd run for vice president 
with him. What's so great about Powell? 
VENTURA: General Powell and 1 are alike. 
We have differences: He supports affir- 
mative action, I don't. But he's fiscally 


conservative and socially liberal. 1 find 
him to be a powerful leader. One doesn't 
get to be chairman of the Joint Chiefs of 
Stalf not knowing how to lead. It would 
be hard for me to accept orders from 
anyone today, but I could accept orders 
from him. Гуе only met him once, but 
I'm preuy good on first impressions. 
PLAYBOY: If you decided to run for pre: 
dent, what would be your game plan? 
VENTURA: My plan would be to stay out of 
it until next July. 1 would let Gore and 
Bush hang each other with all the rope 
they have, to the point where the public 
cant stand either of them. Their di 
proval ratings would skyrocket. Then 
you enter the race three months before 
the election and take the whole thing. All 
it is is gaining that momentum at the 
right time, like 1 did here in Minnesota. 
We peaked perfectly and they couldn't 
stop us when it happened. The other 
two candidates didn't even see it coming. 
PLAYBOY: Let's talk about issues. Can we 
dear up what you said and what you 
meant after the shootings at Columbine 
High School in Littleton? You suggested 
that more guns—specifically, concealed 
weapons —would have enabled students 
and faculty to defend themselves and 
prevent the massacre. 

VENTURA: That is not what I said. My 
simple statement was: Had there been a 
licensed conceal-and-carry in the build- 
ing, lives would likely have been saved. 


m sm 


PLAYBOY 


PLAYBOY: Wasn't there already an armed 
guard in the school? 

VENTURA: Where was he? What do we 
more today, our children or our 
Most people would say the chil- 
dren, but that's not true. We put money 
in banks. Banks are guarded by armed 
guards to make sure our money isn't 
touched, stolen or misused. We put our 
children іп schools and protect them 
with nothing. 

PLAYBOY: So we should put armed guards 
in all our schools? 

VENTURA: Maybe. It’s something we need 
to look at. The two terrorists went into 
that school and assassinated all those 
children and there was no one there to 
stop them. You can't negotiate with peo- 
ple like that. You take them out 
PLAYBOY. Is there anything that could 
change your mind about the right to 
bear arms? 

ventura: Nope. Our forefathers put it in 
there so the general citizenry has the 
ability to combat an oppressive govern 
ment. It's notin there to make sure I can 
go hunting on weekends. I don’t deer 
hunt, by the way. That's not really hunt- 
ing. I prefer when the opposition can 
shoot back—then you're hunting, 
PLAYBOY: Do you carry a gun? 

VENTURA: Hardly ever. I'm licensed to, 
but I only carry one when I'm by myself. 
PLAYBOY: Why do so many people kill 
other people with guns? 


VENTURA: Because it's an easy tool to use. 
If that tool were eliminated they would 
use something else. There weren't guns 
when Cain killed Abel. You want to know 
my definition of gun control? Being able 
to stand there at 25 meters and put two 
rounds in the same hole. That's gun con- 
trol. The gun control people don't know 
what they're talking about. 
PLAYBOY: When you were a wrestling an- 
nouncer, you called Koko B. Ware, a 
black wrestler, “Buckwheat,” referred to 
Tito Santana as “Chico” and described 
the moves of another black wrestler, the 
Junk Yard Dog, as “a lot of shuckin’ and 
кіш.” Have these phrases come back to 
haunt you? 
VENTURA: No. It's wrestling. When 1 par- 
ticipated in it, it was built on stereotypes. 
Every Japanese wrestler threw salt and 
; every German wrestler was a 
Nazi, every Russian a communist. How 
could anyone possibly look at wrestling 
and say, “This is what he believes i It’s 
entertainment. My job was to irritate 
people. Another of my infamous wres- 
tling quotes was, “Win if you can, lose if 
you must, but always cheat.” And some 
people drum that up today like it's some 
policy. All of a sudden wresding's real to 
them? C'mon 
PLAYBOY: Something else you've said is 
that college athletes should be exempt 
from taking classes so they can concen- 
tate on games. How much flak did you 


take for making that statement? 
VENTURA: My point is, the way the system 
is set up now invites cheating. You've got 
college athletes in Minnesota playing 
one level below professional. They have 
to bust their butts, and when someone 
offers to write a term paper for them, do 
you think they're not going to take it? 
PLAYBOY: So you're saying that we should 
redefine the college experience? That 
athletes don't have to take classes, they 
just have to play ball? 

VENTURA: You're doggone right! If you 
go to college to play football, why dont 
they teach you how to deal with agents? 
Schools should prepare these kids for 
what they're going to do. 

PLAYBOY: How do you feel about protest- 
ers who burn the American flag? 
VENTURA: If you buy the flag it’s yours 
to burn. 

PLAYBOY: Many people believe it was a 
mistake to eliminate the draft. Do уо 
VENTURA: The draft was utterly 
lous. It was the most unfair, bogus piece 
of crap ever put together. Because who 
got drafted? If you're going to have a 
draft there should be no deferments. 
Тһе way the draft was in the Sixties and 
early Seventies, if you went to college 
you got out of it. Why was that a deter- 
mining factor? 

PLAYBOY: Wasn't the idea that the country 
needs to develop young minds? 
VENTURA: Oh really? And the country 


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doesn't need auto mechanics? Mainte- 
nance people? Laborers have to face the 
drafi, but others can go hide in college? 
See, 1 got bitter toward that. If you 
didn’t have money, you couldn't hide іп 
college. The only people getting drafted 
were the poor. 

PLAYBOY: What do you think of gays in 
the military? 

VENTURA: Who am I to tell someone they 
сап or cannot serve their country? I 
couldn't care less if the person next to 
me is gay as long as he gets the job done. 
PLAYBOY: Would you support or oppose 
recognizing gay marriage in Minnesota? 
VENTURA: I would oppose it. Look up the 
word marriage in the dictionary. It says 
it's between a man and a woman. Now, I 
don't oppose gay people forming some 
type of legal bonding, but you can't use 
Ше word marriage. 

PLAYBOY: Why aren't you concerned with 
crime? 

VENTURA: Because that's a local issue and 
I don't believe in micromanagement. 
Sure I'm concerned about it, but it's not 
the governor's job to handle it. That's 
for mayors, city councils. I'm not going 
to sit here and be a typical politician 
[bangs his desk] and say, “I'm going to 
fight crime.” Half these guys wouldn't 
know crime if it bit them on the ass. 
PLAYBOY: How about the death penalty? 
VENTURA: I don't support the death pen- 
alty. In the private sector I did, but not 


as governor. 1 wouldn't want the respon- 
sibility of sending someone to his death. 
Minnesota doesn't have a death penal- 
ty, so it doesn't matter to me. But on the 
flip side, what bothers me is that life in 
prison isn't life in prison. Why are you 
eligible for parole after seven years? Life 
should be life. And there should be no 
three strikes. Should be one strike. 
PLAYBOY: Thar's a little rough. 
VENTURA: No it isn’t. If you commit mur- 
der, rape or any other crime, why do you 
get to do it three times before you go? 
PLAYBOY: What about drug crimes? 
VENTURA: That's consensual crime. Peo- 
ple who commit consensual crimes 
shouldn't go to jail. We shouldn't even 
prosecute them. That's crime against 
yourself. Drugs and prostitution, those 
should not be imprisoning crimes. The 
government has much more important 
things to do. 
PLAYBOY: Would you legalize those types 
of activities? 
VENTURA: Nevada has. Nevada has legal- 
ized prostitution like the old West and 
they don't seem to have any big prob- 
lems. It doesn't seem to create a hostile 
atmosphere. My wife and I were in the 
heart of Amsterdam's red-light district, 
where there are drugs, open prostitu- 
tion and pornography. Yet amazingly, at 
ten at night, we saw a busload of senior 
itizens out for а walking tour. If it’s not 
illegal, chances are there's no violence. 


See, we call our country home of the 
brave and land of the free, but it's not 
We give a false portrayal of freedom 
We're not frec—if we were, we'd allow 
people their freedom. Prohibiting some- 
thing doesn't make it go away. Prostitu- 
tion is criminal, and bad things happen 
because it's run illegally by dirtbags who 
are criminals. If it's legal, then the girls 
could have health checks, unions, bene- 
fits, anything any other worker gets, and 
it would be far better. 

PLAYBOY: This isn't a very popular posi- 
tion in America, is it? 

VENTURA: No, and it's because of reli- 
gion. Organized religion is a sham and 
a crutch for weak-minded people who 
need strength in numbers. It tells people 
10 go out and stick their noses in other 
people's business. I live by the golden 
rule: Treat others as you d want them to 
treat you. The religious right wants to 
tell people how to live. 

PLAYBOY: What's the solution to the war 
on drugs: 
VENTURA: Stop the demand. In a free so- 
ciety you can't have martial lav, you can't 
have people battering down doors. In 
the end it's the individual's decision to 
make. The prohibition of drugs causes 
crime. You don't have to legalize it, just 
decriminalize it. Regulate it. Create plac- 
es where the addict can go get it. When 
you prohibit something, it doesn't mean 
it'll go away. The same with abortion. If 


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64 


you prohibit it, it won't stop. It will just 
go to the back all and then two lives 
will be in danger. 

PLAYBOY: When was the last time you 
chewed a peyote button, smoked a joint 
or dropped acid? 
VENTURA: A while à 


go. And most of those 
things I haven't done. I have smoked a 
joint, and there's nothing wrong with 
that. That's one of the biggest atrocities 
going on right now: marijuana. I have 
done far stupider things on alcohol. Give 
someone a Hendrix tape and a joint and 
suck him in the corner and he's happy. 
PLAYBOY: If you had smoked a joint since 
becoming governor, would you admit it? 
VENTURA: No. It's my personal life. That 
would be like asking me which sex acts 
Tlike. 

PLAYBOY: But you've said you would nev- 
er lie to the people of Minnesota 
VENTURA: Right, but that doesn't mean 1 
have to answer everyone's questions. If 
it’s relevant to my job, ГЇЇ answer it. You 
have no business ything about 
my private 
PLAYBOY: You've said that nowhere in the 
Constitution does it say government's 
business is to create jobs. That's the pri- 
vate sector's responsibility. 

VENTURA: Am I right? Have you read the 
Constitution? Does it say anything about 
government's ability to create jobs? 
PLAYBOY: Doesn't that give the impres- 
sion that you don't care? 

ventura: The point is, I'm breaking 
away from this reliance on government, 
which was not founded to create jobs. 
Create your own job! Be an individual. 
PLAYBOY: Are there any welfare programs 
that you endorse? 

VENTURA: I endorse all welfare. There 
should be a safety net, but it should not 
be a lifestyle. What I oppose is when peo- 
ple talk about welfare rights. You don't 
have a right to welfare—it's charity. 
PLAYBOY: Has your opinion of the media 
changed since you became governor? 
ventura: They're dangerous. The me- 
dia have an agenda. They try to make 
the public think they're just reporters 
who report facts. Not true. They carry 
their personal beliefs and attitudes into 
the articles they write. I'm a firm believ- 
er in free speech, but with any freedom 
comes responsibility, and the media are 
abusing their position. It happened to 
my wife, when someone wrote about her 
taking over my radio show when I was 
out of town. At the end of the article the 
person stated that I was off at this celeb- 
rity golf tournament with my security 
guards, who were being paid by the pub- 
lic. That's an example of the media put- 
ting a little twist at the end to incite peo- 
ple to get angry at me. But it's the law: 
Anywhere I go, n to be protected. It 
doesn't matter if I'm on a book tour or 
play in a celebrity golf tournament or if I 
take a vacation, 

PLAYBOY: Are you still looked upon as a 
guy who doesn't need protection? As the 


bumper stickers boast: OUR GOVERNOR 18 
STRONGER THAN YOUR GOVERNOR. 
VENTURA: People don't realize that I get 
at least one death threat a week. We've 
had two bomb threats where the build- 
ings had to be evacuated. 

PLAYBOY: You were asked оп one radio 
station to name your state's song, bird, 
mufiin and drink. You missed two of the 
four. Do you know them all now? 
VENTURA: Nope, because they're all irrel- 
evant and unimportant. They asked me 
the state drink—to me, it's 
PLAYBOY: But now you know 75-2 
VENTURA: Milk. Which threw me off be- 
sconsin is the dairy land. 

PLAYBOY: And the state song? 

VENTURA: Га say now it would be some- 
thing by Jonny Lang or Bob Dylan. [Ed- 
itor's note: It's Най! Minnesota.] 1 know 
th te bird is a loon and the muffin is 
blueber: 
PLAYBOY: The press may piss you off, but 
you seem to thrive on attacking them. 
VENTURA: They need it. Nobody holds 
them accountable. No one holds their 
feet to the fire. 

PLAYBOY: What insults have gotten under 
your sl 
VENTURA: Only the personal ones. They 
can criticize my policies all they want, 
but they go beyond that. And when I 
criticize them everyone gets upset with 
me. | love how people can dish it out but 
can't take it. 

PLAYBOY: Which is just what Barbara 
Carlson, the former governor's ex-wife, 
told Mirabella about you: “He can dish it 
ош but can't take it, and that's going to 
be his downfall.” 

VENTURA: Consider the source. This is a 
woman who struck the former governor 
with a frying pan, who had a name for 
his private parts. So you have to take 
that with a grain of salt. She's also a 
woman who's had her stomach cut out so 
she don't eat as much. What happened 
to willpower? I love fat people. Every fat 
person says it’s not their fault, that they 
have gland trouble. You know which 
gland? The saliva gland. They can't push 
away from the table. 

PLAYBOY: Some have said you're a vindi 
tive person. Do you believe in an eye for 
an eye? 

VENTURA: No, but I believe in the Seal 
team code: We don't get mad, we get 
even [laughs]. Vindictive? Nah, not when 
it comes to business, As long as no one 
makes a personal attack оп me. If they 
go personal, ГЇЇ go personal 

PLAYBOY: What's the most important 
thing you got out of the Seals? 

VENTUI he will to never quit; that any- 
thing can be accomplished ifit's planned 
right and you have the desire and cre- 
ativity to execute it. 
PLAYBOY: Did you ev [4 
was ridiculous, or did you always feel 
there was method to the madness? 
VENTURA: It's done for two reasons. First, 
to weed out the bananas, the ones who 


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PLAYBOY 


don't belong. It's also done so you will 
develop the attitude I have, and all frog- 
men have, which is the measuring stick 
of my life: No matter what I come up 
against, I always think back and remem- 
ber that that was harder. 

PLAYBOY: Why do the Seals pride them- 
selves on not wearing underwear? 
VENTURA: It's for sanitation purposes. It 
came about because during our era of 
the Seals it was jungle warfare. If you're 
lying out on ambush for 12 hours and 
you have to go to the bathroom, in many 
cases you have to go right in your pants. 
It stands to reason that if you're going to 
do a few river crossings, it would get 
away from you a lot easier if it's not con- 
stricted by underwear. Also, the regular 
Navy wears boxer shorts and we don't 
consider ourselves part of the regular 
Navy. We're unto ourselves—we're the 
brown water Navy—so we do it to be dif- 
ferent. If you're ever caught wearing un- 
derwear, they'll rip them off you and 
throw you in either the dip tank or the 
shit river over in Olongapo. Once you've 
been in there, you'd rather not wear un- 
derwear. It's a macho thing. 

PLAYBOY: Іп the Philippines, how much 
did you indulge in the decadent night- 
life of Olongapo? 

VENTURA: Plenty. Just as any 19-year-old 
would. 

PLAYBOY: In your book you describe your 
dealings with prostitutes before shipping 
out overseas. 

VENTURA: That was just a cutting-loose 
period. I was getting sent to Asia on а 
Monday morning, and a friend told me 
that prostitution was legal in Nevada. I 
didn't believe him, so we took off to Lake 
Tahoe for the weekend. 

PLAYBOY: You actually made money from 
one prostitute, didn't you? 

VENTURA: I'm probably one of the few 
people in the world who got paid. The 
particular girl 1 chose saw the belt 1 was 
wearing—made of spent Stoner machine 
gun rounds, linked—and she said she 
wanted іг. I smiled and said, "Make me 
an offer." She ‚ "How about a k 
and ten dollars?" I pulled it off and said, 
“Sold!” Then we corresponded when I 
was overseas. It was nice to get a letter 
from someone. It didn’t matter to me 
that she made a living as a prostitute. 
She still took the time to write to me. She 
wasn't out there like the protesters, spit- 
ting on the soldiers and blaming us for a 
political war. 

PLAYBOY: What do you think of the sex- 
ual harassment charges that are brought 
against the Navy, as in Tailhook? 
VENTURA: I don't condone what hap- 
pened, but I understand it. These are 
people who live on the razor's edge and 
defy death and do things where people 
dic. They're not going to consider grab- 
bing a woman's breast or buttock a ma- 
jor situation. That's much ado about 
nothing. 


66 PLAYBOY: It’s not trivial for the woman 


who is being grabbed. 

VENTURA: So? You have to create these 
people for your own protection. You 
need to listen to Jack Nicholson in 4 
Few Good Men when he does his famous 
speech: “You can't handle the truth." 
What he's saying is: You create me, you 
live by the very freedom that I provide 
for you, then you question the manner 
in which I provide it? You're incapable 
of providing it for yourself. You created 
this Frankenstein, then all of a sudden 
you're appalled. 

PLAYBOY: You've never talked about what 
you did as a Seal overseas. Did you do 
anything you're ashamed of? 

VENTURA: No. 

PLAYBOY: Would you like to talk about it? 
VENTURA: No. 

PLAYBOY: Does your family know what 
you did there? 

VENTURA: No. 
PLAYBOY: Have you ever killed anyone? 
VENTURA: You don't ask a question like 
that—it's inappropriate. That's no one's 
business. It's between the person and his 
beliefs. You're asked to do your job, and 
ight of the job you do it's a great pos- 
sibility that you could, and it will never 
go away if you did. 

PLAYBOY: You became a biker for nine 
months after you left the Seals. Whats 
the diflerence between a Harley, a BMW, 
a Yamaha and a Honda? 

VENTURA: Harley's the only bike, all the 
rest are motorcycles. 1 sold my Harley 
when Sonny Barger, president of the 
Hell's Angels, said it was time to buy a 
Honda. It’s no longer the bike of the 
one-percenters. Every stockbroker, ac- 
countant and lawyer now owns a Harley. 
PLAYBOY: Why have you opposed helmet 
laws? 

VENTURA: Freedom. 

PLAYBOY: Do you ever wear a helmet? 
VENTURA: No. 

PLAYBOY: Isn't it a safety issue? 

VENTURA: No, then people in convert- 
ibles would have to wear them too. See 
how far that will fly. 

PLAYBOY: Your wife Terry was 19 when 
she agreed to marry you. What did her 
parents think of you? 

VENTURA: That I was a bit eccentric and 
off the wall because I had bleached blond 
hair down to my shoulders, I chewed 
tobacco and I wasn't quite what they 
thought their daughter should marry. 
Her mom tried to talk her out of it. 
PLAYBOY: You seem to have mastered the 
art of getting under people's skin, which 
began when you were wrestling. Did you 
spend a lot of time then thinking up 
ways to piss off a crowd? 

VENTURA: You drew people with your in- 
terviews. I always tried to stay on top of 
the local issues wherever I wrestled, and 
then took the most outrageous position I 
could. In Denver all you have to do is in- 
sult the Broncos. If you go to a Western 
town where they're all cowboys, you in- 
sult the male ego. You call them drug- 


store cowboys and goat ropers. 
PLAYBOY: Did you find “Jesse sucks” to be 
music to your ears? 
VENTURA: Completely. That meant I'd 
done my job. That's like Nureyev getting 
a standing ovation and roses thrown on 
the stage. 
PLAYBOY: Were you told who would win 
before each match? 
VENTURA: Sure. But you were told that if 
you revealed the business, something 
bad would befall you. In my early days if 
someone called me a fake, Га punch him 
in the face and say, “Is that fake?” 
PLAYBOY: You would go on steroids for a 
month, then get off them for six months. 
How did you discipline yourself not to 
abuse them? 
VENTURA: My mom was a nurse, so I 
knew that for every upside to a drug 
there's a downside. The main one I took 
was testosterone, which gives you noth- 
ing but an overabundance of male hor- 
mones. The downside was when you 
came off it. If your body is getting an ar- 
tificial amount of testosterone, its own 
production will cut back. Then there's 
this guadatropic, or whatever they call it, 
which you take a shot of when you're 
done. That causes your body to produce 
more testosterone again. I never abused 
testosterone, and I always got it from 
doctors. 
PLAYBOY: Did most wrestlers you know 
abuse it? 
VENTURA: Oh yeah. 
PLAYBOY: How do you rate yourself as a 
wrestler? 
VENTURA: Phenomenal. The name of the 
game is, How well do you draw? I drew 
sellouts just about every time. I sold out 
Madison Square Garden three times. I 
was the Pacific heavyweight champion 
after nine months in the business. 
PLAYBOY: During your wrestling days, 
weren't the real bad guys the promoters, 
who took advantage of the wrestlers? 
VENTURA: Sure, and they still do today. 
It's still a backward business. There's 
no union, no benefits. The biggest fraud 
is chat they call wrestlers independent 
contractors, and the government allows 
them to get away with it. They're not in- 
dependent contractors. You can't wres- 
Че for Ted Turner and then wrestle for 
Vince McMahon the next week. 
PLAYBOY: You've written that Hulk Ho- 
gan sabotaged your attempts to union- 
ize. Has he responded? 
VENTURA: I heard him on Larry King, and 
he said he didn't do it. But I got my in- 
formation in a sworn deposition, under 
oath. Hulk Hogan's credibility needs to 
be questioned anyway, because he also 
went on national TV and said he never 
took a steroid. He took many steroids in 
large doses. 
PLAYBOY: You've returned to wrestling as 
a referee, but there's talk of promoters 
wanting to pay you $3 million to wrestle 
again. Would you consider it? 

(continued on page 184) 


WHAT SORT OF MAN READS PLAYBOY? 


Sometimes, he whispered, a good cigar is just a smoke. She blushed and clasped his hand. How 
did you get so smart? she asked. Simple, he replied, | read PLAYBOY. Did you know that more 
than 1 million PLAYBOY men smoke cigars? That PLAYBOY men smoke more cigars than the re 
ers of GQ and Esquire combined? | knew you were my kind of guy, she said, when | saw you 
reading my favorite magazine. PLAYBOY—the stuff of romance. (Source: Fall 1998 MRI.) 


68 


Bun anu a DoT ORE ТД Dan UA BEV BTA 
PART Х: 1990-1999 


Zi EVE 


ARTICLE BY JAMES В, PETERSEN 


re we having вех now оғ 
what? The question seems 
to float on the tongue. 
Greta Christina, a colum- 
nistfor On Our Backs, first 
raises it in an essay in a 
volume called The Erotic Impulse: Hon- 
oring the Sensual Self. “What,” she asks, 
“counts as having sex with someone? 

When she slept only with men the 
criterion was simple. Sex begins when 
the man enters a woman’s body. You 
could keep count. 

“Len was number one,” she writes. 
“Chris was number two, that slimy aw- 
ful little heavy-metal barbitu- 
rate addict whose name I can’t 
remember was number three.” 

But what about the fondlii 
the groping, rubbing, graba 
bing, smooching, pushing and 
pressing with other men? Sex? 
Not sex? 

And since the author has a 
classic. San Francisco résumé, 
what about the women? “With 
women, well, first of all there’s 
no penis, so.right from the 
start the tracking system is de- 
fective,” she writes. “And then. 
there are so many ways wom- 
еп can have sex with each oth- 
er, touching and licking and 
grinding and fingering and 
fisting—with dildos or vibra- 
tors or vegetables or whatever 


happens to be lying around the house 
or with nothing at all except human 
bodies. Between women, no one meth- 
od has a centuries-old tradition of be- 
ing the one that counts." 

Christina struggles with definitions, 
trying to find/the line. Is sex what 
happens when you feel sexual? 

“1 know when I'm feeling sexual,” 
she writes. “I’m feeling sexual if my 
pussy’s wet, my nipples are hard, my. 
palms are clammy, my brain is fogged, 
my skin is tingly and superseñsitive, 
my butt muscles clench, my heartbeat 
speeds up, I have an orgasm (that's the 


10M OF SEXY 
LOCO КІМ) 


н 
SIX кімге: 


real giveaway) and ко on.” 

A friend suggests a simple rule: “If 
you thought of it as sex when you were 
doing it, then it wa: 

Christina confronts the array of sex- 
ual options open.to a resident of San 
Francisco. She hosts an all-girl orgy 
with 12 other women. “The experi- 
ence, which was hot and sweet and sil- 
ly and very, very special, had been 
created by all of us, and although I re- 
ally. got dowmonly with a few, I felt 1 
had beenSexuabwith all of the women 
Шеге. Now when I meet one of the 
women from that party, I always’ask 
myself: Have we had sex?” 

She worked as a nude danc- 
er in a peep show. Wbén a 
‘customer watches her and mas- 
turbates, and she masturbates 
right back, is that sex? 

Nicholson Baker, another 
West Coast explorer, writes 
Vox, a 165-page.novel about 
phone sex. Two.strangers, опе 
lying on a:chenille bedspread, 
the other ina darkened room, 
tease each other's imaginations, 
finding things in common. Both 


Technológy has changed the sex 
ual lándscape. On the Internet 
(left) erotic play is onlya click 
суусу but ДЕЙ sex? Viagra. re- 
Stored potency to millions and 
Sent the revolutión into overtime. 


ILLUSTRATION JOHN FHOMPSOM 


OY 
| The barrier between public and SS 
private wavered, then disap 7 ^ å 
peared completely as sex be- / 
came part of the news. Madon- ~~ 
na rocked the world with erotic 
fantasies. Dennis Rodman lived 
his, as did Ellen DeGeneres, Ma 
йуп Manson and Marv Alber 
- U.S. Surgeon General Joycely: 
Elders contemplated teaching 
kids masturbation Woody Allen 
and schoolteacher Mery Kay Le- 
_Journeay offered other lessans. 


Fashion ads grew increasingly 
explicit, while elsewhere scan- 
dals became the notional obses- 


greed e Ln Bas 


The culture wars continued as censors went 
after rap groups in Florida and a museum 
director in Cincinnati. A banner by artist 
Mike McNeilly urged NO GLOVE, NO LOVE from. 
one giant wall of Playboy's Sunset Strip of- 
fices. Some suggested that cybersex would 
replace the real kind—you just clicked on 
the virtual babes. Videohounds watched 
Pamela and Tommy Lee cavort. Television 
heated up with Sex and the City, as well as 
the Clinton thing. Bob Dole became the 
spakesperson for erectile dysfunction. Our 

appetite for sex would brook no obstacles. 


PLAYBOY 


74 


share a voyeur's delight in a lingerie 
catalog called Deliques Intimates. The 
woman tells of becoming so aroused she 
stains a silk chemise. But a private act 
can have more participants than intend- 
ed (in this case, an employee of a dry 
cleaning service). When the chemise 
came back from the cleaners “there 
were these five dot stains on it,” she says, 
“Іше ovals, not down where I'd been 
wet, but higher up, on the front.” 

Excitement is a shared experience. 
Тһе phone lovers fantasize about ship- 
ping boys at Deliques wrapping a pair 
of tights around flagstaff-size erections, 
indulging themselves before putting 
the apparel into a mailing carton 

Phone sex is as seductive as the con- 
fessional. She shares sexual details with 
her unseen lover, telling him that when 
she masturbates she pulls her bra down 
so that it catches under her nipples. 

He tells her about strumming orgasms, 
of watching X-rated videos, “fast-for- 
warding through the numbing parts, 
trying to find some image that was 
good or at least good enough to come 
to.” There are times, he says, when you 
just want a fixed image. “I felt at that 
moment that I wanted to talk to a real 
woman, no more images of any kind, 
no fast-forward, no pause, no maga- 
zine pictures.” After a night of shared 
sexual history, they describe in detail 
what they would do in person. They 
climax. But is it real sex? 

Sexual energy leaks across bounda- 
ries. Dean Kuipers, writing for PLAYBOY, 
recalls watching two people having sex 
from the Chelsea Hotel: “I sat in the 
dark, a short but uncrossable distance 
from the couple working on each other 
in their own well-lit erotic theater. It 
was clear they wished to be watched: 
The entire back of the hotel was their 
grandstand. And yet, they didn't ac- 
knowledge the lights or look out the 
window. Their reward was my re- 
sponse. I did what they wanted me to 
do: have sex with them, without ever 
meeting them, without touching them, 
without intruding into their lives in 
any messy way and without being able 
to recapture the moment except in 
memory.” 

Would he count them on his list of 
lovers? Is it real sex? 

Kuipers’ anecdote sets up an article 
оп amateur pornography. The journal- 
ist finds that sex can exist beyond the 
moment. Lovers record and play back 
their own sexual encounters to pro- 
long arousal, or to create layers of ec- 
stasy. They time-shifi orgasms. Are they 
having sex with themselves? 

Some trade videos in a new sexual 
black market. How many Americans 
share the wedding night of Olympic 
skater Tonya Harding and Jeff Gilloo- 


ly? To whom does she offer that open 
palm? 

An artist named Sunshine exp 
to Kuipers the role of the camera: “It's 
like an interesting sort of robotic voy- 
eur. You are aware of its presence. It's 
Just this gentle statue of excitement, 
right over there. This weird kind of 
eye. It's sort of like your own eye. It's 
wonderful.” 

In cyberspace there are no bound- 
aries, You log on to an Internet relay 
chat or a multiuser dungeon for what 
some call “speed writing interactive 
erotica.” 

You describe a scene in a hot tub toa 
crowd of silent watchers whose names 
appear across the bottom of the screen: 
“Furry Clam, Babyface, Madcap and 
Falc are here.” 

Who is Furry Clam? She says she is 
21, is built like Venus and wants your 
body. She creates a character who 
climbs into the hot tub and performs 
outrageous acts on your noncorporeal 
body. Is she real? Does it matter? On 
the Internet everyone is beautiful. But 
it is also as likely that your correspon- 
dent is a 14-year-old guy. 

Is it sex? How can it be if you don't 
exchange bodily fluids? If you can't 
taste the sweat or feel the slippery sen- 
sations of arousal? 

The desire to create a border be- 
tween sex and not-sex, to contain the 
great god Lust in a cage without conse- 
quences, sweeps the country. We seem to 
look for loopholes. Where once young 
girls looked at promiscuity as “building a 
police blotter” against themselves, now 
girls find permission in making distinc- 
tions. The teenagers in the 1994 film 
Clerks discuss past lovers. The boy is re- 
lieved to hear that his girlfriend has had 
only three lovers. But she destroys his 
equanimity when she admits she has giv 
en blow jobs to 37 guys. Her defense: 
Oral sex isn’t real sex. 

The confusion swirls through the 
world of consensual sex. When the de- 
bate moves to the question of unwant- 
ed sex, the whole nation will change. 


THE MORALITY PLAY 


On October 11, 1991 the nation at- 
tended a national teach-in on sexual 
harassment. Anita Hill, a quiet-spoken, 
conservatively dressed woman, faced 
the Senate Judiciary Committee. 

"Mr. Chairman, Senator Thurmond, 
members of the committee, my name is 
Anita F. Hill, and 1 am a professor of 
law at the University of Oklahoma." 

She told of being born on a farm, the 
youngest of 13 children, of going from 
Oklahoma State University to Yale Law 
School, to a job with Clarence Thom- 
as, first when he was an Assistant Secre- 
tary of Education for Civil Rights, 
then when he served as chairman of 


the Equal Employment Opportunity 
Commission. She wrote an article for 
Thomas, she said, that went out under 
his signature. They had a positive work- 
ing relationship. 

"After approximately three months 
of working there, he asked me to go 
out socially with him. What happened 
next and telling the world about it are 
the two most difficult experiences of 
my life. It is only after a great deal of 
agonizing consideration and a number 
of sleepless nights that I am able to talk 
of these unpleasant matters to anyone 
but my close friends.” 

She told the Senators she had de- 
clined Thomas’ invitation, saying it 
would jeopardize a good working rela- 
tionship, that it was ill-advised to date 
one's supervisor. 

He continued to ask her out, press- 
ing her to justify her refusal. Then, she 
said, the talk turned sexual. 

“He spoke about acts he had seen 
in pornographic films involving such 
matters as women having sex with ani- 
mals, and films showing group sex or 
rape scenes, He talked about porno- 
graphic materials depicting individuals 
with large penises, or large breasts, in 
dividuals in various sex acts. On sever- 
al occasions Thomas told me graphical- 
ly of his own sexual prowess. Because 1 
was extremely uncomfortable talking 
about sex with him at all. and particu- 
larly in such a graphic way, 1 told him 
that I did not want to talk about these 
subjects.” 

She offered an example of their dis- 
cussions. “One of the oddest episodes 
1 remember was an occasion in which 
Thomas was drinking a Coke in his of- 
fice. He got up from the table at which 
we were working, went over to his desk 
to get the Coke, looked at the can and 
asked, ‘Who has put a pubic hair on 
my Coke?” 

“On other occasions he referred to 
the size of his own penis as being larg- 
er than normal and he also spoke on 
some occasions of the pleasures he had 
given to women with oral sex.” 

She had suffered harm, she said. In 
late 1982, she “began to feel severe 
stress on the job. I began to be con- 
cerned that Clarence Thomas might 
take out his anger with me by degrading 
me or by not giving me important as- 
signments, I also thought that he might 
find an excuse for dismissing me.” 

She said that when she finally left, 
Thomas asked her to dinner one last 
time. She accepted. He admitted that 
what he had done could ruin his career. 

The circus was under way. When 
President Bush nominated Clarence 
Thomas to replace Thurgood Marshall 
on the Supreme Court, liberals had 
been alarmed. Thomas, like Hill, a 

(continued on page 92) 


“Isn't it great that after all these years together, we still 
have the same interests?” 


75 


KNOCKOUT 


mia st. john lives up to her nickname 


Е he is known as the 
Knockout, and for 

Еб good reason. Since 
blasting into women’s 
boxing in 1997, Mia St. 
John has earned a repu- 
tation as a formidable 
fighter, with one distinc- 
tion: She looks more 
like а movie star than 
like an undefeated (12 
wins, including sev- 
en knockouts) feather- 
weight. “Female ath- 
letes don't have to look 
like men,” St. John says. 
At the age of six, Mia 
took up tae kwon do. 
She competed as an am- 
ateur and considered 
training for the 2000 
Olympics before decid- 
ing she was too old. 
“The only thing left to 
do was go pro, but I 
traded martial arts for 


boxing, the sport that, 
thanks to [superstar 
boxing pioneer] Christy 
Martin, is the most rec- 
ognized women's com- 
bat sport.” After watch- 
ing St. John in the ring, 
it’s clear she has found 
her niche. “Ever since 1 
was 12, I wanted to be 
Rocky Balboa. I live, eat 
and breathe boxing." 
Considering St. John's 
success thus far, it's nat- 
ural that she has her de- 
tractors. “Most female 
boxers hate me. People 
say Pm successful be- 
cause of my looks. They 
say the same thing about 
Oscar De La Hoya. 
They're jealous. But I 
don't care. My posing 
can only help give wom- 
en's boxing the recogni- 
tion it deserves,” 


"Everyone says my straight right is my best punch,” says St. John (pictured here during a recent victorious bout with Mary 


Ann Haik), "but I 


it's my left hook. The key is to sit down on your punches.” With her flawless record, St. John is one 


of boxing's most valuable assets. "I've been told I'm the highest-paid female boxer, but money was never ап incentive.” 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY ARNY FREYTAG 


Think your workout is tough? A typical 
training session for St. John includes two 
hours of boxing, 90 minutes of weight 
lifting and five mites of running. "I'm a 
marathon runner, so I run ten to 13 miles 
when I'm not training. People think it's 
crazy, but I look forward to it," she says. 
^A day without training is incomplete." 


of 


After four rounds, St. John wins 
against Нсік by decision. “I think 


you have to be a little off to getin 
the ring and risk your life. Fight- 
ers are a special breed.” Next up 
for the Knockout? A line of athlet- 
іс wear and an appearance, as 
herself, on Pacific Blue. 


84 


DUNE 


HOUSE ATREIDES 


THE PREQUEL TO DUNE, THE GREAT SCIENCE FICTION NOVEL 


duncan idaho was eight years old, 
alone an an unknown world and just paces 
ahead of the hunting party 


BRIAN HERBERT AND KEVIN J. ANDERSON 


HE LIGHT CRUISER soared out over a night wasteland unmarked 
by Giedi Prime's city lights or industrial smoke. Alone іп a 
holding pen in the belly of the aircraft, eight-year-old Dun- 
can Idaho watched through a plaz port as the expanse of 
Barony prison dropped behind them like a geometrical 
bubo, festering with trapped and tortured humanity. 

The bare metal walls of the cruiser's lower hold were etched with a 
verdigris of frost. Duncan was numb, his heart leaden, his nerves shocked 
into silence, his skin an unfeeling blanket around him. Glossu Rabban— 
nephew of the Baron Harkonnen—had murdered the boy's enslaved 
parents, just to make him angry and willing to fight in the grotesque 
"hunt" to come- 

The engines throbbed through the floor plates. On the decks above, 
he could hear the restive hunting party shuffling about in their padded 
armor. The men carried guns with tracking scopes. They laughed and 
chatted, ready for that night's game. 

Rabban was up there, too. 

In order to give young Duncan what they called a sporting chance, 
the hunting party had armed him with a dull knife (saying they didn't 
want him to hurt himself), a hand light and a small length of rope— 
everything a child should need to elude a squadron of professional 
Harkonnen hunters on their own well-scouted ground. 

"The cruiser flew far from the prison city, away from the oil-soaked in- 
dustrial areas, to a wilderness preserve on high ground, a place with dark 
pines and sandstone bluff faces, caves and rocks and streams. The tai- 
lored wilderness even hosted a few examples of genetically enhanced 
wildlife, vicious predators as eager for a boy's tender flesh as the Harkon- 
nen sportsmen themselves. 

The cruiser alighted in a boulder-strewn meadow; the deck canted at 
а steep angle, then shifted to norm as stabilizers leveled the craft. Rabban 


PLAYBOY 


86 


sent a signal from the control band at 
his waist. The hydraulic door in front 
of the boy hissed open, freeing him 
from his cage. The chilly night air 
stung his cheeks. Duncan considered 
dashing out into the open. He could 
run fast and take refuge in the thick 
pines. Once there, he would burrow 
beneath the dry, brown needles and 
drift into self-protective slumber. 

Rabban, too, wanted the boy to run 
and hide, and he knew he wouldn't get 
very far. For now, Duncan’s instinct 
had to be tempered with cleverness. It 
wasn't the time for an unexpected, reck- 
less action. Not yet. 

The upper hatch slid open behind 
him to reveal two light-haloed forms: a 
person he recognized as the hunt cap- 
tain, and Rabban, the broad-shoul- 
dered man who had killed Duncan's 
mother and father. Turning away from 
the sudden light, the boy kept his dark- 
adapted eyes focused on the open mead- 
ow and the thick shadows of black-nee- 
died trees. It was a starlit night. Pain 
shot through Duncan's ribs from earli- 
er rough handling, but he tried to put 
it out of his mind. 

“Forest Guard Station,” the hunt cap- 
tain said to him. “Like a vacation in the 
wilderness. Enjoy it! This is a game, 
boy—we leave you here, give you a 
head start and then we come hunting.” 
His eyes narrowed. “Маке no mistake. 
If you lose, you'll be killed, and your 
stuffed head will join Lord Rabbar's 
other trophies on a wall.” 

Beside him, the Baron's nephew gave 
Duncan a thick-lipped smile. Rabban 
was trembling with excitement and an- 
ticipation, his sunburned face flushed. 

“What if I get away?" Duncan said. 

"You won't,” Rabban answered. 

Duncan didn't press the issue. If he 
forced an answer, the man would lie to 
him. If he did manage to escape, һе 
would just have to make up his own 
rules. 

They dumped him out onto the frost- 
smeared meadow. He had on thin 
clothes, worn shoes. The cold of the 
night hit him like a hammer. 

“Stay alive as long as you can, boy,” 
Rabban called from the door of the 
cruiser, ducking back inside as the 
throb of the engines increased in tem- 
po. "Give me a good hunt. My last one 
was disappointing." 

Duncan stood immobile as the craft 
lifted into the air and roared off toward 
a guarded lodge and outpost. From 
there, after a few drinks, the hunting 
party would march out and track down 
their prey. 

Maybe the Harkonnens would toy 
with him awhile, enjoying their sport. 
Or maybe by the time they caught 
him they would be chilled to the bone, 
longing for a hot beverage, and they'd 


simply cut him to pieces at the first 
opportunity. 

Duncan sprinted toward the shelter 
of trees. 

Even when he departed the meadow, 
his feet left an obvious trail of bent 
grass blades in the frost. He brushed 
against thick evergreen boughs, disturb- 
ing the chaff of dead needles as he 
scrambled upslope toward some rug- 
ged sandstone outcroppings. 

In the hand-light beam, Duncan saw 
breath steam bursting like heartbeats 
from his nostrils and mouth. He toiled 
up a talus, tending toward the steepest 
bluff faces. When he struck the rocks, 
he grasped with his hands, digging in- 
to crumbling sedimentary material 
Неге, at least, he wouldn't leave many 
footprints, though pockets of old. crystal- 
line snow had drifted like small dunes 
on the ledges. 

The outcroppings protruded from 
the side of the ridge, sentinels above 
the carpet of forest. Wind and rain had 
eaten holes and notches out of the 
cliffs, some barely large enough for ro- 
dents’ nests, some sufficient to hide a 
grown man. Driven by desperation, 
Duncan climbed until he could barely 
breathe from the exertion 

When he reached the top of an ex- 
posed sandwich of rock, rust and tan in 
his light beam, he squatted on his heels 
and looked around, assessing his wil- 
derness surroundings. He wondered 
if the hunters were coming. They 
wouldn't be far behind him. 

Animals howled in the distance. He 
flipped off the light to conceal himself. 
His ribs and back burned with pain, 
and his upper arm throbbed where the 
pulsing locator beacon vas implanted. 

Behind him, more shadowy bluffs 
rose tall and steep, honeycombed with 
notches and ledges, adorned with 
scraggly trees like unsightly whiskers 
sprouting from a facial blemish. It was 
a long, long way to the nearest city, the 
nearest spaceport. 

The young boy had spent most of 
the nearly nine years of his life inside 
giant buildings, smelling recycled air 
laden with lubricants, solvents and ex- 
haust chemicals. He had never known 
how cold this planet could get, or how 
clear the stars. 

Overhead, the sky was a vault of im- 
mense blackness, filled with tiny light- 
splashes, a rainstorm of pinpricks 
piercing the distances of the galaxy. Far 
out there, Guild Navigators used their 
minds to guide city-sized Heighliners 
between stars. 

Duncan had never seen a Guild ship, 
had never been away from Giedi Prime— 
and now doubted he ever would. Liv- 
ing inside an industrial city, he'd nev- 
er had reason to learn the patterns of 
stars. But even if he had known his 


compass points or recognized the con- 
stellations, he still would have no place 
Lo go. 

Sitting atop the outcropping, look- 
ing out into the sharp coldness, Dun- 
can studied his world. He drew his 
knees up to his chest to conserve body 
heat, though he still shivered. Off in 
the distance, where the high ground 
dipped into a wooded valley toward 
the stark silhouette of the guarded 
lodge building, he saw a train of lights, 
bobbing glowglobes like a fairy proces- 
sion, The hunting party itself, warm 
and well armed, was sniffing him out, 
taking its time. Enjoying itself. 

From his vantage point, Duncan 
watched and waited, cold and forlorn. 
He had to decide if he wanted to live at 
all. What would he do? Where would 
he go? Who would care for him? He 
was just a boy with a dull knife, a hand 
light and a rope. The hunters had 
Richesian beacon trackers, body armor 
and powerful weapons. They outnum- 
bered him ten to one. He had no 
chance. 

It might be easier if he just sat and 
waited for them to come. Eventual- 
ly the trackers would find him, inex- 
orably following his implanted signal, 
but he could deny them their sport, 
spoil their fun. By surrendering, by 
showing his contempt for their barbar- 
ic amusements, he could gain a small 
victory at least—the only one he was 
likely to have 

Or he could fight back, try to hurt 
the Harkonnens even as they hunt- 
ed him down. His mother and father 
hadn't had an opportunity to fight for 
their lives, but Rabban was giving him 
that chance. 

He stood up on stiff legs, brushed his 
clothes and stopped shivering. I won't 
£o down like that, he decided, just to show 
them. Yes, he would fight—for all he 
was worth. 

He doubted the hunters would be 
wearing personal shields. They wouldn't 
think they'd need such protection, not 
against a helpless boy. The knife han- 
dle felt hard and rough in his pocket, 
useless against armor. But he could do 
something else with the blade, some- 
thing painfully necessary. 

Crawling up the slope, climbing 
from rock to fallen tree, maintaining 
his balance on the scree, Duncan made 
his way to a small hollowed-out hole in 
the lumpy sandstone. He avoided the 
patches of remaining snow, keeping to 
the iron-frozen dirt so as to leave no 
obvious tracks. 

The tracer implant would bring 
them directly to him, no matter where 
he ran. 

Above the cave hollow an overhang 
in the near-vertical bluff wall provided 

(continued on page 142) 


“Egad, Clarissa, how exquisitely nouvelle—a lap gavotte!” 


~~ ww 
= AYUD-BUSTING 
RACEWEAR 


г” IS FINALLY 
— ” 


STREET LEGAL 


mentory for ESPN2's supercross ond motocross 
coveroge. Weoring o nylon ond leother Hawk 
jocket by Tommy Hilfiger (5295), Coombs soys, 
"MX rocing is where surfing wos in the eorly 
И Seventies. It’s obout to breok out.” 


Ву HOLLIS WAYNE Successful dirt bike racers used to pitch motor ой and monkey wrenches. 
These days they star in music videos, fae games and ТУ ads. They're up to tlieirventilators in 
endorsements, and their next jump ¿ould land them on high-fashion runways. Diff biking—mo- 
tocross (the outdoor circuit) and supereross (the winter, indoor circuit)—has roundeda corner. Grit- 
ty and glamorous riding gear has heen spotted on such hipsters as LL Cool J, Lyle Lovett and Sheryl 
Crow. This is no black leather jacket erowd—the motocross-inspired clothing on these pages is urban 
and street-friendly. Don't be surprised iflyou spot racing stripes and padding in emerging fashions 
by top designers. It's a phenomenon Davey Coombs, publisher OE Racór X чым. ч and a former pro 
racer, calls “а mainstream milestone for the sport.” 


SEBASTIEN TORTELLI 


After Sepkovic quit pro racing, he designed со- 
sualwear. Now he warks far Spy Optic. His mack 
turtleneck by DKNY ($50) hos stripes down the 
orms—the lack is straight off the track. Sepko- 
vic thinks dirt biking is the gronddaddy of ex 
treme sports: "Flying 30 or 40 feet thraugh the 
air is pretty extreme to me." 


PLAYBOY 


92 


RERL SEX 


(continued from page 74) 
bootstrap-raised product of the Yale 
Law School, was a conservative black 
who was opposed to affirmative action 
and a cipher on the issue of abortion 
rights. Republican supporters had ush- 
ered him through the confirmation 
hearings. They were ill-prepared for 
the media frenzy that followed the dis- 
closure that their candidate had, ten 
years earlier, sexually harassed a subor- 
dinate. The same subordinate had fol- 
lowed her alleged harasser when he 
changed jobs and had said nothing 
when Thomas was appointed to a cir- 
cuit court judgeship. Now she was will- 
ing to come forward to challenge the 
character of the nominee. 


SEXUAL HARASSMENT 


For three days, Americans watched 
the events in the Senate Caucus room 
on television. Apparently outraged pol- 
iticians pushed for details. Hill said 
that during one exchange Thomas had 
alluded to a well-endowed porn actor, 
calling him by name. “Long Dong Sil- 
ver" became part of the Congressional 
Record and penis size part of dinner 
conversation across America. 

Senators made asses of themselves, 
first posturing about the monstrous na- 
ture of Thomas’ remarks. Said Utah Re 
publican Senator Orrin Hatch: These 
are “gross, awful, sexually harassing 
things which, if you take them in combi- 
nation. would have to gag anyone.” 

He continued: “That anybody could 
be that perverted—I'm sure there are 
people like that, but they're generally 
іп insane asylums.” 

Other Republicans saw a different 
kind of monster. Senator Arlen Specter 
(R-Pa.) sensed a liberal conspiracy. “It 
is my legal judgment that the testimony 
of Professor Hill was flat-out perjury.” 

Hatch accused Hill of concocting her 
story, borrowing the detail of the pubic 
hair from a scene in The Exorcist, the 
comment about Long Dong Silver from 
a 1988 Wichita, Kansas federal district 
court case in which a woman charged 
her employer with flashing a picture of 
the man with a 19-inch penis. They 
brought forward a former co-worker 
who suggested Hill suffered from ero- 
tomania, that she built elaborate fan- 
tasies around people she barely knew. 

“Thomas claimed the charges against 
him were untrue. He had never “at- 
tempted to date” Hill. He called the 
hearing a “high-tech lynching.” He was 
confirmed by a 52-48 vote of the full 
Senate. 

Polls showed that almost twice as 
many people believed Thomas (40 per- 
cent) as Hill (24 percent). One year lat- 
er, the credibility of the participants 


had changed, with 34 percent believing 
Thomas and 44 percent believing Hill. 
Americans seemed to believe that some- 
thing had happened, but not the way 
either had described it. 

What was this thing called sexual ha- 
rassment? Lin Farley, a professor at Cor- 
nell University, invented the term sexual 
harassment in 1975. She was teaching 
a course called Women and Work and, 
as an activist, was looking for a univer- 
sal issue. At a speak-out, women com- 
plained about male co-wi 
wouldn't leave them alone. 
have a name for it,” Farley told Peter 
Wyden, a reporter for Good Housekeep- 
ing. The group considered “sexual co- 
ercion” and “sexual blackmail” before 
settling on the more elusive "sexual ha- 
rassment.” It would take decades to 
fully define the term. 

Catharine MacKinnon wrote the de- 
finitive text, Sexual Harassment of Work- 
ing Women, in 1979. In it she argued 
that sexual harassment was a form of 
intimate violation that included co- 
erced sex, unwanted sexual advances 
and retaliation. She claimed the behav- 
ior extended along a continuum of se- 
verity and unwantedness, from “verbal 
sexual suggestions or jokes, constant 
leering or ogling, brushing against 
your body ‘accidentally,’ a friendly pat, 
squceze, pinch or arm against you, 
catching you alone for a quick kiss, an 
indecent proposition backed by the 
threat of losing your job and forced 
sexual relations.” 

A study by the Center for Women 
Policy Studies reported that as many 
as 18 million American females were 
harassed sexually while at work dur- 
ing 1979 and 1980. Antifeminist Phyllis 
Schlafly told a Senate committee that 
those 18 million were asking for it: 
“Sexual harassment on the job is not 
a problem for virtuous women,” she 
said, “except in the rarest of cases. Men 
hardly ever ask sexual favors of women 
from whom the certain answer is no. 
Virtuous women are seldom accosted.” 

Throughout the Eighties the crusade 
had languished, as MacKinnon spent 
her energy trying to turn pornography 
into a civil rights action, In 1980 the 
EEOC issued guidelines on sexual ha- 
rassment, making it part of Title VII of 
the Civil Rights Act of 1964. It forbade 
outright coercion—the quid pro quo of 
a supervisor's saying, "Sleep with me or 
you lose your job.” 

In 1986 the Supreme Court ruled 
that sexual harassment is a form of dis- 
crimination. Mechelle Vinson, a teller 
at the Meritor Savings Bank in Wash- 
ington, D.C., had filed suit against her 
employer, charging that her manager 
had made sexual demands. She had 
submitted to him 40 or 50 times, in the 
bank vault, in the ladies’ room, at mo- 


tels. Lower courts had looked at the 
case and declared that Vinson's actions 
were voluntary. The Supreme Court 
agreed with the appeals court ruling, 
which held that her boss’ sexual de- 
mands created a hostile environment, 
that the workplace should be free from 
“discrimination, ridicule and insult.” 

In 1988 the EEOC adjusted its guide- 
lines, saying that harassment could oc- 
cur when “unwelcome sexual conduct 
unreasonably interferes with an indi- 
vidual's job performance or creates an 
inúmidaung, hostile or offensive work- 
ing environment” 

In the Eighties, magazines still ran 
articles on how to run an office affair. 
Michael Korda told PLayeoy readers: 
“Two things will happen as more wom- 
en join the executive ranks—the poli- 
tics will get tougher and the sex will get 
terrific.” 

The EEOC granted that sex was 
alive and well in the workplace, care- 
fully crafting the following: “Because 
sexual attraction may often play a role 
in the day-to-day social exchange be- 
tween employees, the distinction be- 
tween invited, uninvited but welcome, 
offensive but tolerated and flatly reject- 
ed sexual advances may well be diffi- 
cult to discern. But this distinction is 
essential because sexual conduct be- 
comes unlawful only when it is unwel- 
come in the sense that the employee 
did not solicit or incite it, and in the 
sense that the employee regarded the 
conduct as undesirable or offensive.” 

Perhaps sensing the danger of allow- 
ing Mrs. Grundy or an equivalent blue- 
nose to dictate what was offensive, the 
EEOC advised that harassment should 
be judged from the standpoint of a 
reasonable person: “Title VII does 
not serve as a vehicle for vindicating 
the petty slights suffered by the hyper- 
sensitive." 

From 1980 to 1990, 38,500 sexual 
harassment cases were filed with the 
EEOC. Some were clear-cut examples 
of coercion, women fired because they 
would not submit to their bosses’ ad. 
vances. Some were examples of hostili- 
ty, bosses who would say women had 
"shit for brains" and belonged not in 
the workplace but at home, "barefoot 
and pregnant." 

But other cases were not so clear. 
Lois Robinson, a welder at Jacksonville 
Shipyards, filed suit along with other 
women welders in 1986, claiming that 
her workplace was a virtual obstacle 
course of pornography, sexually de- 
meaning cartoons and graffiu. (After 
conferring with the New York-based 
Women Against Pornography, she had 
kept a list of every pin-up and lewd 
remark she encountered. When her 
co-workers became aware of her cru 

(continued on page 147) 


1 
. 
® 


“Не seemed very interested. He examined me from head to 
loe, with a long pause halfway.” 


93 


AJCH ОҒТНЕ L 


саға wakelin is the one who aimes gor away 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY RICHARD FEGLEY 


¿ 


ara Wakelin's moth- 
er made her do it. It was a 
cold day in October 1998, and 
when Cara's mom read that 
the Playboy 2000 Playmate 
search bus was coming to 
their hometown of Toronto 
looking for new Playmates. 
she urged her hesitant daugh- 
ter to go for a photo test 
Thank goodness she did 
Q: This is your first model- 
ing gig. How did your moth- 
er persuade you to try out for 
PLAYBOY? 
A: When she saw the newspa- 
per article about the Playmate 
2000 search, she started jump- 
ing up and down, saying, 
“You have to do this. You can 
do it.” I've never been very 
confident about my appear- 
ance. As we pulled into the 
parking lot, I saw ten beautiful 
blondes waiting in line. I said, 
“Mom, take me home. What 
am I doing here?” She said, 
“Cara, if you don't get out of 
this car right now, I'm drag- 
ging you in there.” After the 
test shoot, I thought, It would 
have been tragic if 1 had 
bailed out at the last minute. 
Q: Your family was homeless 
for a year. Has that influenced 
your views on money? 
A: For various reasons, we 
were financially in the hole. 
We would rent places and 
move from house to house. 
During my childhood, we 
moved 15 times. 1 remember 
some days eating nothing but 
soup. 1 lost weight because 
there wasn't enough food. Be- 
ing poor seems like such a 
negative thing, but my moth- 
er taught me to turn it into 
a positive experience. There 


DAY 


Anyone who went to school with Coro Wokelin 
will be surprised by this pictoriol. "I used to be ex- 
tremely shy oround boys,” she soys. "1 wos o flot- 
chested tomboy skoteboorder with o poper route. 
Some girls hod mossive jugs, ond I thought, When 
will | get mine? Am | going to live with grapes my 
whole life? Then, in grode 12, they grew. 


Coro's art portfolio shows her possion for noture. “Н would be cool to work of a zoo or at on onimal shelter,” she soys. "In terms of a co- 
reer, Ill try olmost onything respectable thet comes my woy. If someone offers me an acting job, I'll try it. Studying sociology and philos 


ophy hos broadened my horizons and opened ту mind. In a way, I'm sure my degrees have helped prepore me for doing this pictorial 


are so many rich kids who don't know 
how it feels to work for their money. 
But I'm not one of those women who 
care ahout having rons of money 

Q: Is it true that your nickname in 
school was Skippy 

A: Yes, because I skipped so many days 
of class. For a while, І hated school. My 
mom was open-minded and under- 
stood if I didn't want to go. Eventually, 
1 realized that if you don't have an ed- 
ucation, you're not going to go very far. 
I pushed myself to go all the way. 


Q: What's your favorite waste of time? 
A: I love to get in my car and drive. I 
also love to draw. I went to art school 
for five years My artwork depicts wild- 
life and other forms of nature. I love 
animals. Гуе had so many fun, strange 
pets: anoles, iguanas, boa constrictors. 
At one point 1 had 13 rabbits, 40 ger- 
bils, mice, guinea pigs, four cats, a dog, 
frogs and fish. 

: What three things should a visitor 
from the U.S. know about Canadian 
culture? 


A: First, we love hockey. Second, there 
is a difference between university and 
college. University is more theoretical 
and a hit more prestigions College is 
hands-on. I graduated from university 
with degrees in philosophy and soci- 
y. And finally, yes, Canadians say 
all the time. 
Q: Do you plan to move to the States? 
A: Probably. Even though I was born in 
Australia, I've lived a geographically 
sheltered life. I can't wait to experience 
different cultures. 


PLAYMATE DATA SHEET 


wu Cara Wakelin 
шет ЭЧЕ C wars. 24 нге. 39 
(nature's oun) 


mrm: S'S“ wo: UD o \ 
BIRTH рате: 02/08/17 вїктнрїлсє: Melbourne, Australia 


А 
AMBITIONS ‚Anything thot leads to success ¥» _ 
А y А 1 


= iliti 
TURN-ONS : i i x i Y 
c ai : i . 
TURNOFFS : AA H i Venes 
i * \anocanee . In life : insults. 


MY FAVORITE QUOTE: _ £ We wouldn't y rece So much 
kanen how Seldom They did ee (anders) 


E WISH т нар: İS as long as ropes D 


SEX ADVICE: We Minutes Just doesn't cut it. 
MY PHILOSOPHY: \ ass of the, 


Low thot feeds TE 
WHY 1 COULD NEVER BE PRESIDENT: honest. 


born ro be 


Wier! 


muy Mom — best Sittin proud: 
Lena, mentor + as a denr 
my biggest tan. University grad. 


PLAYBOY’S PARTY JOKES 


A middle-aged couple had two beautiful teen- 
age daughters. They decided to try one last 
time for the son that they had always wanted. 
Alier several months, the wife became preg- 
nant and later delivered a healthy boy. The 
joyful father rushed to the nursery and маз 
ified to see the ugliest child he had ever 
imagined. “We have two beautiful daughters. 
How could this boy turn out to be so ugly?” he 
moaned. Then turning suspicious, he glared 
at his wife. “Have you been fooling around 
on me?” 
“No, darling,” she replied sweetly. “Not this 
time.” 


e 


An African village was troubled by a man-cat- 
ing lion. So its leaders sent a message to Mar- 
riott-Smalley, the great white hunter, to come 
and kill the beast. 

For several nights the hunter lay in wait for 
the lion, but it never showed up. Finally, he 
told the tribal chicf to kill a cow and give him 
its hide. Draping the skin over his shoulders, 
Marriott-Smalley went to the pasture to wait 


ht, the villagers 
woke to the sound of blood-curdling shricks 
coming from the pasture. As they carefully 
approached, they saw Marriott-Smalley lying 
there, groaning in pain. There was no sign of 
the lion. 

“What happened, bwana? Where is the li- 
on?” asked the chief. 

"Forget the damn lion!” the hunter howled. 
“Which of you morons let the bull loose?” 


Bumper stickers of the month: 

© 100,000 SPERM AND YOU WERE THE FASTEST? 

Ф YOU ARE DEPRIVING SOME POOR VILLAGE OF 
irs IDIOT. 


Thus MONTH'S MOST FREQUENT SUBMISSION: Dan 
got a frantic call from his girlfriend. “I've got a 
problem,” she said. 

“What's the matter?” he asked. 

“Well, I bought this jigsaw puzzle, but it's too 
hard. None of the pieces fit together and 1 
can't find any edges. 

“What's the picture of?” 

“A big rooster.” 

“All right,” Dan said 
have a look.” 

The woman led Dan into her kitchen and 
showed him the puzzle on the table. “For 
Pete's sake, Buffy," he exclaimed after he saw 
it. “Put the cornflakes back in the box.” 


“ГІ come over and 


What do you call a boule blonde who belongs 
to Mensa? A peroxymoron. 


During World War IL, an American warship 
was under attack by the Japanese. A torpe- 
do was headed toward the ship and a strike 
seemed inevitable. The captain told the first 
officer to go down to the crew quarters and tell 
а joke, so at least the men would dic laughing. 
sathering the men around him, the first of- 
ficer said, “What would you think if I could 
split the whole ship in two by hitting my dick 
against the table?” 

When the crew burst out laughing the offi- 
cer pulled out his penis and whacked it on the 
table. Just then, a huge explosion tore the ship 
apart. The only survivors were the captain and 
the first officer. As they floated around in a 
lifeboat the captain remarked, “You sure got 
the crew laughing. What did you do?” The 
first officer told him. “Well, you'd better be 
careful with that dick of yours,” the captain 
said. “The torpedo missed!” 


What's the first thing Dan Quayle wants to 
do if he becomes president? Put the E back 
in NATO. 


Р. лувоу cuassic: A woman бездің her physi- 
cian's office when she suddenly asked him to 
kiss her. “N Mary, that тош be against my 
code of ethics.” 

Twenty minutes went by and the woman 
again pleaded for him to kiss her. Once more 
he refused, explaining that as a doctor he sim- 
ply could not. Alter another 15 minutes passed, 
the woman begged him again. “Look, I'm se 
ry. I just can't kiss you. In fact," he sighed. 
probably shouldn't even be fucking you." 


Al by еее 


Alex was a sports fan whose face was always ei- 
ther buried in the sports pages or transfixed by 
the television screen. One night as he lay in 
bed next to his wife watching a football game, 
she got up, walked across the room and un- 
plugged the TV. “Hey” Alex shouted, “what 
do ; you think you're d 
“Um of sports, I'm sick of TV,” she 
replied, “You haven't touched me in months. 
We're going to talk about sex right now!” 
“OK, OK. So,” he asked after a moment, 
“how often do you think Brett Favre gets laid?” 


Send your jokes on postcards to Party Jokes Editor, 
PLAYBOY, 680 North Lake Shore Drive, Chicago, 
Illinois 60611, or by e-mail to jokes@playboy.com. 
$100 will be paid 10 the contributor whose submis- 
sion is selected. Sorry, jokes cannol be returned. 


“But Jennifer—your postcard said, ‘Wish you were һете!” 


107 


OW THIS STARTED,” Robbie Feaver said, “is not 

what you think. Morty and I didn’t go to Bren- 

dan and say, “Take care of us.’ We didn't have 

anything to take care of, not to start with. Mort 

and I had been bumping along on workmen's 

comp and slip-and-fall cases. Then about ten 
years ago, even before Brendan was appointed Presiding 
Judge over there, we got our first real chance to score. It 
was a bad-baby case. Doc with a forceps treated the kid's 
head like a walnut. And it's the usual warfare. I got a de- 
mand of 2.2 million, which brings in the umbrella insur- 
er, so they're underwriting the defense. They're making 
us spend money like there's a tree in the backyard. Гуе 
got to get medical experts. Not one. Four. OB. Anesthe- 
sia. Pedes. Neurology. And courtroom blowups. We've 
got $125,000 in expenses, way more than we can afford. 
We're into the bank for the money, Mort and me, with 
seconds on both our house: 

“The judge we're assigned is Homer Guerfoyle. Now, 
Homer—I don't know if you remember Homer. He's 
long gone. But he was a plain, old-fashioned Kindle 
County alley cat, a ward-heeling son of a bootlegger, so 
crooked that when they buried him they had to screw 
him in the ground. But when he finally maneuvers his 
way onto the bench, all the sudden he thinks he's a peer 
of the realm. I'm not kidding. It always felt like he'd pre- 
fer Your Lordship to Your Honor. His wife had died and 
he hooked up with some socialite a few years older than 
him. He grew a fussy little mustache and started going to 
the opera and walking down the street in the summer in 
a straw boater. 

“Now, on the other side of my case is Carter Franch, a 
real white-shoe number, Groton and Yale, and Guerfoyle 
treats him like an icon. y the man Homer would 
like to be. He just about sits and begs whenever he hears 
Franch's malarkey. (concluded on page 138) 


ILLUSTRATION BY DANIEL TORRES 


«y 


orsepower. Tire-shredding, rubber-burning horsepower is what 

launched the American muscle-car era in the early Sixties. CTOs, 

442s, Z28s, Boss 429s and other lean and hungry coupes with big- 
block engines were on the prowl, just itching for a fight. “She's real fine, my 409” and 
Little GTO played on the radio, but who could hear the lyrics over the rumble of a Hemi- 
Charger exhaust? Soon, real hot rods were mothballed because you could buy brand-new 
cars with at least 350 horsepower. But the golden age of horsepower didn’t last long. Al- 
most overnight, owning a gas-guzzler became the eighth deadly sin and the gloriously in- 
dulgent muscle car gave way to the fuel-efficient, front-wheel-drive snoozemobiles of the 
Eighties. But as the century ends, the American manufacturers who created the original 


Cars are reawakening the raw thrill of pedal-to-the-metal. Ford, Pontiac and Chevrolet 
have introduced Mustang Cobra, Trans Am Firehawk and Camaro SS models that do 
everything but ease on down the road. You can’t buy a 600-hp Nascar coupe that’s street 
legal from your local dealer, but these rear-wheel-drive babies are the next best thing. 


N 


Right: Scoops and flares are 
just part of the Pontiac SLP 
Trans Am Firehawk's retro 

charm. The 327-horsepower 
V8 under the hood, coupled 
with a fun-to-shift six-speed 
gearbox, make the most of 
the car’s meaty torque. For- 
get the marque's Grand Prix 
models with their sissy V6 
engines and pantywaist 
front wheel drives. This іс 
one Hawk that really files. 
Price: about $32,500. 


AMERICAN 


fits specs are similar to those 
of the Pontiac Firehawk, but the Chevy’s sleek front en grill and hood scoop eclipses Из cousin, the Trans 
Am. Inside, two snug bucket seats are hunkered next to a short-throw six-speed gearbox. The 13-second quarter-mile 
reading of 106 mph will give you the edge in most stoplight duels. Price: about 528,000. 


Above and below: Ford's raucous, restyled SVT Mustang Cobra packs a 4.6-liter, 320-hp VB paired with a crisp five-speed; 
it’s no wonder the zero-to-60 spec is a neck-snapping 5.4 seconds. Independent rear suspension, new to the machine, vir- 
tually eliminates axle hop-on-twisty-roads. ABS brakes are standards are-wide-17-inch-tires-on slick alloy wheels. The! 


interior includes leather seats and a drop-dead sound system. Price: about $28,200. 


A_ 


5 


5 there 


Of course, if you don't want to buy the vacuum cleane 


option. 


always the other 


114 


HOW SHE TURNS ROCKY 
ROMANCES INTO 
REVENGE ROCK 


here's something about Sheryl 
Т 5, 

innocent men—feel guilty. For 
those who are guilty, namely the men 
who have done Crow dirt in past re- 
lationships, the “something” is clear 
whenever she launches into one of her 
impeccably crafted songs about male 
shortcomings: This song is about you, 
loser. What's more, exacting payback 
has been sweet for the 37-year-old 
Crow. Two of her three albums have 
gone multiplatinum, and she's nabbed 
six Grammys along the way, includ- 
ing Best New Artist and Record of 
the Year. Even Hollywood has taken 
notice—Crow contributed the theme 
song for the Bond flick Tomorrow Never 
Dies and a cover of the Guns n' Roses 
song Sweet Child o’ Mine for Adam San- 
dler's Big Daddy. And she's not just 
singing in Tinseltown—she plays a 
junkie opposite boyfriend Owen Wil- 
son in The Minus Man. 

Few predicted such noteworthiness 
for the stringy-haired former music 
teacher from Missouri who broke out 
in 1994 with (continued on page 180) 


Dojo, New York 
University | 
Papa Del's Pizza, 
University of Illinois 
Lamonica's NY Pizza, UCLA 
Cooter Brown's, Tulane 


University of Arizona 
University of Texas 
University of California— 
Santa Barbara 
University of California— TET: ag | 


Los Angeles 
Southern Methodist 
University 


Green Elephant, Dallas 
Washington Street Tavern, 
Athens, Ga. 

City Grocery, Oxford, Miss. 
Bullwinkles, Tallahassee, Fla. 
Clarence Foster's, Raleigh, N.C. 
Newby's, Memphis, Тепп. 
Club DeVille, Austin, Тех. 


Frisbee golf 
Lacrosse golf 
Dirtboarding 
Wake-and-bake 
Fantasy leagues 


Gambling 
[| вот COMMODITIES ( 
| Bootlegged concert tapes 


Mad 4 Mex, University of Pennsylvania 
El Arroyo, University of Texas 


Virgins 
Palm Pilots 
Fat Tire beer 


i “TRENDS / 


Laxing 

Coed fraternity backlash 

Sorority hazing 

Girls who don't drink or 
smoke but do X 

Buying term papers online 

Bisexual experimenting 

= Millennial anxiety 
disorder 

Day trading 


Uyeecone 


+ 


Hideaway, Duke 
Mango's, Hawaii Pacific 
Бе: Grotto, University of 
a Missouri-Rolla 
Monty's, San Diego State 
Third Edition, Georgetown 
Tally Ho, Lehigh 
Dill Street Bar and Grill, 


Ball State = 
TBE YEAR 


Playboy on Campus, Dalhousie 
University, Halifax 
Reggae Sunsplash, San Diego State 


Escape From Alcatraz, 
Kent State 
Jell-0 Party, Stanford 
Pike Studio 54 Party, USC 
Signa Chi Italian Wedding, 
University of California— 
Santa Barbara 


In your absent roommate's bed 
(then sleep in your own) 


Introduction to Wines, Cornell 


Golf, Duke 
Alfred Hitchcock, 
Georgetown 
Magic, Witch- 

craft and 
Science in 
the Early 
Modern World; 
Ball State 
Waterskiing, 
Rollins College 


READING LITE | 


Champagne Cocktails 

Baked Potatoes: The Pot Smoker's. 
Guide to Film and Video 

The Rules of Attraction 


The Cheater's Handbook: The 


Naughty Student's Bible 


Pete Moss and the Fertilizers, 
Marist College 

Geraniums, NYU 

Loraxx, University of Illinois- 
Chicago 

Dominant Seven, Cornell 

Colonel Catastrophe and His 
Loaded Shotgun, Kenyon College 


Vinyl, NYU 

Lounge Ax, De Paul 

Cat's Cradle, University of 
North Carolina-Chapel Hill 

The 9:30 Club, Georgetown 


VAN 


1 


Caffe Reggio, New York City 
Spillway, Carbondale, 111. 
The Tombs, Washington, D.C. 
The rock quarry, Athens, Ga. 


Cinema 21, Reed College 
WE ALL SCREAM FOR | 


Ben & Jerry's National Free 
Ice Cream Day 


Cheese steaks at Billybobs, 
Penn State 
A bagel from the street vendor, 
Southern Illinois University 
Burritos at La Bamba, 
0. of Illinois 
Pizza from Mama Teresa's, Cornell 
Cajun burger at Igor's, Tulane 


Ecstasy 

Ritalin 

ЗаТарейов (for the 
endorphin buzz) 

Coke 

Liquid acid 

Viagra stolen from your dad 

Xanax 

Percocet 

Ibuprofen (6DD mg) 


Pill runs to Mexico 
Graceland for Elvis' birthday 
Burning Man Festival, 

Nevada 


Red Bull energy drink 


COOL TV] 


The Simpsons 
Tom Green Show 
Real World (Hawaii) 
That Seventies Show 
Lcte Late Show With 
Craig Kilborn 
Monday Night Football 
Fox reality specials 
Jerry Springer 
Futurama 
Family Guy 


Duke: "Ivy League academics 
with better weather." 
Lehigh: "Binge drinking." 
Dalhousie: "Cars stop for you 
when you cross the street." 
Davidson: "Everyone has too 
much money." 

Ball State: "David Letterman 
went to school here." 


3 en 50] Хот 


Duke: Magnolia Grill 

University of Texas: Chez Nous 

San Diego State: George's at 
the Cove 

Cornell: John Thomas Restaurant 

University of Washington: 
Golden Gardens for a barbecue 
on the beach 


(QU 


by саг? vigeland 


Quiet, please. He's on the first tee. After an obsequious official in shirt and 
tie introduces him and his opponent, another official whispers to the first fel- 
low, “You forgot to introduce the marshals.” Something to do with TV or the 
sponsors. The first guy looks puzzled, then nods his head. “I'll do it again,” 
he says. The golfer on the first tee has been getting set to hit his drive. In his 
Tommy Hilfiger clothes, the shirt buttoned to the collar, and wraparound 
Oakley sunglasses, he doesn’t look quite like most of the other men on the 
professional golf tour. His posture is comfortable; he seems so relaxed he 
could be waiting for a bus. He lets the strap on his Titleist hat hang loose 
from its buckle. Sometimes, too, a shirttail will appear from his waist, over 
his belt. But anyone mistaking this cool for casualness ought to be with him 


PLAYBOY 


120 


on the first tee, inside the ropes that 
keep the crowd from getting too close. 
Its silent except for the whispers of 
the officials. Waving his driver back and 
forth in short half-swings to dispel ten- 
sion, he seems ready to take his stance. 
The only sounds are a traffic hum from 
beyond the course and birds singing in 
the fairway trees—and the whispering 
of the officials, which has been going on 
while the golfer completes the ritual 
that precedes his first shot. Suddenly 
the golfer stops the movements with his 
driver, and glares at the man who con- 
templates a repetition of his introduc- 
tion, the addition of the marshals. 
“No, sir,” the golfer says to the of 
ficial, with a severity that belies his 
relaxed demeanor and briefly reveals 
the chasm separating the difficulty of 
what he does for a living from the ease 
with which he appears to go about it 
“You're done. You did your job.” 


The golfer's name is David Duval. In 
the opinion of many people, including 
a large number of his own peers, he is 
at 27 years old one of the two finest 
golfers in the world and a kind of stan- 
dard-bearer in golf for a new genera- 
tion. Duval is dismissive about rankings 
and dislikes labels, especially that of 
celebrity. “I can't understand this fas- 
cination with me," he maintains, in a 
voice that can be a cross between coun- 
try singer and icy blackjack dealer. 
"Celebrity is strange. I personally do 
not have that fascination." During this 
year's AT&T Pebble Beach National 
Pro-Am, when Tiger Woods was part- 
nered with Kevin Costner and Mark 
O'Meara was joined by Ken Griffey Jr., 
Duval chose to play with his hometown 
friend Scott Regner. 

Whatever you call him, Duval is the 
real thing, often the most talented and 
certainly the most curious golfer of the 
game’s new age. In late 1997 he won 
his first tournament on the PGA Tour. 
He followed that victory with another 
in his next tournament, and then an- 
other for three in a row. He added four 
more wins in 1998 and four in the first 
four months of 1999, including one in 
which Duval became only the third 
PGA pro ever—and the first in a final 
round—to shoot a total score of 59 
Last season he won more money play- 
ing professional golf than anyone else 
on the PGA Tour. Today, in only his 
fifth full year on the tour, he is already 
among golf's career money leaders, 
having earned $9 million and counting. 
The money and victories have invoked 
comparisons between Duval and the 
greatest players in golf's history, de- 
spite his admission that his play in this 
year's majors was not "much above 
mediocre.” Duval places the blame for 


that on a putting slump. although by 
late summer he was feeling “very good 
about what's going on in my golf 
game.” But with his rapidly growing 
fame, Duval is coming under new and 
not always comfortable scrutiny. Ever 
since a stellar college career at Georgia 
‘Tech, Duval has contended with the 
false perception that he ıs aloof and un- 
feeling, an automaton making birdies. 
In fact, he plays the game with passion, 
but it is hidden behind the quirks that 
have gained attention—the ever-pres- 
ent dark glasses, the intimidating stare, 
the fuck-it shoulder shrug whether a 
shot doesn’t work out right or it comes 
off dead solid perfect. 

Duval's steely-eyed presence can un- 
nerve opponents and interlopers alike 
He never raises his voice, doesn't re- 
peat himself and laughs at himself easi- 
ly (except on the golf course). With a 
shade of impatience, he listens careful- 
ly to questions, each of which he an- 
swers direcily. On the golf course, Du- 
val prepares for each shot by looking 
at the next target and asking himself, 
How am I going to get there? But don't 
ask him about technique. “Don't take 
те wrong," he explains, speaking in а 
slight drawl, "but I don't analyze. I шу 
to get the ball on the green. In the 
hole. I play what's in front of me." 

I play what's in front of me. “The big- 
gest thing is, you cannot be afraid of 
shooting low scores," he says. "It might. 
sound silly but it's not. I think a lot of 
players in the game get six, seven un- 
der par and instead of picking up two 
or three more they start thinking about. 
holding on to where they are. You just 
can't be scared of making more birdies 
and keeping going lower. 

^] know what it is to get lower. The 
reason I'm not afraid is that I grew up 
around my dad and I saw it with him. 
He was never scared of shooting those 
scores. And so that’s how I got.” 

With a disarmingly uncomplicated 
perspective on a complicated game, 
Duval doesn't try to remember a long 
list of things. “I just try to make sure 
my feet, knees, hips and shoulders are 
aiming at the same place,” he says, as if 
that were all there was to it. A fitness 
nut since he began a weight-loss pro- 
gram in 1996, he believes he has be- 
come “more balanced in strength from 
my right side to my left side, and from 
my front to my back.” This improves 
his posture, he says, and “just gives me 
a better feel every day when I get up.” 
There are no secrets to his workouts— 
regular sessions on the VersaClimber 
and a mix of arm curls, bench presses 
and pull-downs. Duval plays Titleist 
DCI irons, but he's not an equipment 
geek. “I could make your clubs work 
for me,” he says to an inquisitive strang- 
er. "I could adjust.” 


Duval strives to keep things simple 
off the course, too. He's not supersti- 
tious. He has no rules about sex the 
night before a big match. “Never really 
thought about that,” he says, smiling. 
He carries his cash—$100 bills—in a 
money clip. At home, when he plays 
skins with his father and teacher, Bob 
Duval, $200 might change hands in a 
match. He listens to talk shows on the 
radio, and music—R.E.M. and Pearl 
Jam—"but not too loud." He enjoyed 
Saving Private Ryan. He is a voracious 
reader, with tastes that vary from Rich- 
ard Rhodes’ Making of the Atomic Bomb 
to Elmore Leonard's Be Cool. 

In a game that tests patience and ге- 
solve, Duval plays as if he understands 
something about golf that no one else 
does. “I'm not going to criticize my 
peers and say I know more about their 
game than they do,” he murmurs. But 
it's clear from his recent record that he 
must. “I know how best to play for me” 
is all he will admit. “That's the most im- 
portant thing. That's what I focus on. I 
don't focus on what other players focus 
оп. I focus on what I think is best for me 
and the way that's best for me to play.” 

Figuring it out has not been easy. 
What Duval knows about golf and life 
he has paid for with personal pain. А 
native of Jacksonville, Florida, where 
he still lives, Duval grew up around 
golf. His paternal grandfather was a 
teaching pro in Schenectady, New York 
and his father was a club pro near Jack- 
sonville. All through his childhood, Du- 
val hung out at the golf course. 

In 1980, David's brother Brent, who 
was three years older, was diagnosed 
with a rare disease called aplastic ane- 
mia. David volunteered to be a bone 
marrow donor to save his brother's Ше. 
The procedure was successful, but his 
brother died afterward of complica- 
tions. David was only nine. 

The Duval family was devastated 
The strain was especially hard on Da- 
vid's mother, Diane. His parents even- 
tually divorced, and that event affect- 
ed David's relationship with his father, 
though they reconciled after a difficult 
period. “David went through a hell ofa 
lot." his father says. Suddenly, atan age 
when most kids are learning to ride a 
two-wheeler, David had to deal with 
questions of human mortali 
sponse, he focused on golf. Somehow, 
his father asserts, “David turned what 
happened into a positive.” Forced when 
he was young to make decisions about 
what was important in life, he began to 
develop an ambition and dedication 
that drive a fierce competitiveness. 

Duval rejects the repetitive hitting of 
hundreds of practice balls as "boring," 
so he’s not the kind of player that you 
find on the driving range under the 

(concluded on page 178) 


“Want something you can really be thankful for?” 


121 


George Jones 


PLAYBOY'S 


200 


the king of country on goofy hairdos, glittery out- 
fits and the women who make him want to sing 


( eorge Jones shouldn't be alive today. 
He should have used up all his 


luck. Yet here he is at 68 years old, 40 years 
after his first number one record. He's 
healthy and happy, with a splendidly land- 
scaped 150-acre spread south of Nashville, 
а beautiful wife who is the love of his life, 
and an album climbing the charts and wow- 
ing a new generation of country music fans. 

He's had more chari singles than any art- 
ist in any kind of music. But the man who, 
according to The New York Times, is “the 
finest, most riveting singer in country mu- 
sic” nearly blew it on numerous occasions. 
During decades of alcohol and drug abuse, 
he endured four failed marriages, hundreds 
of lawsuits from missed bookings, bankrupt- 
су, car accidents, bus accidents, voices in his 
head, gunfire, bar fights, overdoses and 
near-fatal heart trouble. 

After growing up poor in Beaumont, Tex- 
as, Jones got his start singing on the Texas 
honky-tonk circuit. Soon he was recording, 
and he had his first number-one hit in 1959 
with White Lightning. He married Tammy 
Wynette in 1969, and—although their six- 
year marriage was stormy—their musical 
collaborations were wildly successful. 

After their divorce in 1975, Jones began 
a bender that lasted years and almost killed 
him. In 1979 he was committed to Hill Crest 
Hospital in Birmingham, Alabama. The 
doctors there measured his 10 at 74 and said 
his capacity to reason was gone. Yet the hits 
continued. Jones' 1980 epic sad song He 
Stopped Loving Her Today шоп a Grammy 
and stayed number one for 18 weeks. 

Then, in 1981, he met Nancy, who would 
become his fourth wife. Although she would 
ultimately help him recover from his addic- 
tions, й took years to begin that process. In 
1992 he was inducted into the Country Ми- 
sic Hall of Fame. Two years later, he nearly 
died of heart disease because he refused to go 
to the doctor. In 1996 he told the amazing 
story of his life in the book I Lived to Tell It 
All, which reached number six on the New 
York Times best-seller list. 

Last spring everything seemed to be going 
great for Jones. He had signed with Asylum 


Records and had just recorded a new album 
(сайға Cold Hard Truth) that was the best 
he had done in years. But, in March, while 
driving near his home, he hit a bridge. The 
injuries almost killed him. Police found an 
open battle of vodka under the seat. “That 
wreck put the fear of God in me,” he said. 
And it motivated him lo get well for good. 

Julie Bain met with Jones at his home 
near Nashville. She reports: “I wasn't sure 
what to expect of this bad-boy legend. I knew 
he doesn't like doing interviews. But he was 
funny and thoughtful and straightforward. 
‘And when he sang for me to demonstrate the 
Lefty Frizzell style that used to drive women 
wild, I got goose bumps.” 


1 


PLAYBOY: Your life is one of the most 
amazing stories of survival in show- 
business history. Who could top your 
exploits? 

JONES: 1 don't believe anybody could. 
My favorite singer in the whole world 
is Hank Williams. Bless his heart, he 
wasn't even in the business that long. 
In a period of just three years he had 
all those tremendous hits, but he also 
drank and got into trouble with the 
law. He had something wrong with his 
spine from falling off a horse, so һе 
was in pain all the time. And 1 think he 
hada quack doctor who overdosed him. 
Of course, there were others. Lefty 
Frizzell was a big drinker. Just about all 
the old-timers were pretty wild. But 
none of them ever hit the headlines 
with the types of things that I got in 
trouble for. 


2 


PLAYBOY: A psychologist might say that 
your troubles began during your poor 
childhood in Texas. How do you re- 
member those years? 

JONES: Well, we didn't have nothing, 
and not the best food in the world to 
eat. But my daddy worked hard and he 
was never mean to us. He drank on the 


weekends, and sometimes he would 
come home late and get my sister Doris 
and me up to sing. He loved music, 
and he wanted to hear us sing in har- 
mony. So we'd get up at one or two 
o'clock in the morning and say, "All 
right, Daddy, one song and then can 
we go back to bed?" He never beat his 
kids. But he was always fussing at my 
mother. She wasn’t a pushover. She was 
strong. That was her biggest problem 
If she wouldn't have to get the last 
word in, he probably would have shut 
up. had another drink and passed out. 
1 didn't have a lot when I was a kid. 
The only thing my seven brothers and 
sisters and I ever had under our Christ 
mas tree was fruit. There were hard 
times, naturally, sad times. But we had 
a lot of love in our family. 


3 


PLAYBOY: When you were 11 years old 
you took your Gene Autry guitar and 
headed, barefoot, to downtown Beau- 
mont, Texas where you sang. When 
people started throwing money at you, 
what was your reaction? 

Jones: 1 had never seen so much mon- 
ey in my life. I couldn't believe it. It 
was nearly $25. A Sunday-school teach- 
er had taught me the basic chords, 
and I picked up the rest real fast. I 
was down there sitting on a shoeshine 
stand on a Sunday, and a few people 
were coming out of the big downtown 
churches. They walked by while I was 
singing a Roy Acuff song. Pretty soon 1 
had a crowd. But did I take that money 
home with me? No. I went inside the 
penny arcade, and I blew every bit of it 


4 


PLAYBOY: You started your singing ca- 
reer when you were very young. When 
did the drinking start? 

JONES: Гуе always gotten nervous be 
fore shows. It's something that's been 
with me my whole career. I started off 


123 


PLAYBOY 


124 


in honky-tonks, and in those days you 
had to go out and mingle with the 
crowd. They're blowing their breath 
on your face and slobbering all over 
themselves wanting to buy you a drink 
I was drinking Coca-Colas at the time, 
but pretty soon J started having a beer 
backstage. That would calm me down a 
little bit. But it’s right there in your 
face, you know, and being offered to 
you every few minutes, and the next 
thing you know, you're drinking. 


5 


PLAYBOY: You earned the nickname No 
Show Jones for being too drunk to 
show up at your bookings. One time in 
Ohio you ditched your crew and went 
and sang for two old ladies on their 
front porch while the fans were start- 
ing to riot nearby. Why go to such 
lengths to avoid your shows? 

jones: Well, I couldn't get off the 
booze, and I knew I was in bad shape. I 
didn't want the people to see me that 
way. I'd hope the booking agents would 
cancel my shows. But they didn't, and 
that made it worse for me. I got so 
bad asa no-show that a manager 1 had 
would book me in two or three differ- 
ent places at once to get the front mon- 
ey in, and then all the blame would 
come to me. It got to the point that the 
no-show thing was really only about 50 
percent шу fault. Sometimes I Jidat 
even know where I was supposed to go. 


6 


PLAYBOY: When you added pills and co- 
caine to the drinking, things got much 
worse. Most of the anecdotes in your 
book from that time are heartbreaking, 
but some are also funny. Like the time 
you incorrectly decided Porter Wag- 
oner was after Tammy Wynette, then 
your wife. So you grabbed him by the 
penis at a urinal in the Grand Ole Opry 
and said, "I want to see what Tammy's 
so proud of!” You caused him to pee 
on himself in his sequin suit. But the 
most amazing thing is, he forgave you. 
Why did so many people forgive you 
for the terrible ways you treated them 
during those years? 

JONES: It is amazing to me, because 1 
did treat people in some pretty bad 
ways. I said a lot of harsh words to peo- 
ple. I'm really and truly thankful 1 still 
have the friends and fans I have. Coun- 
try fans are the most forgiving fans in 
the world. They're great people. They 
say, “Well, he's just a human being.” 


Т, 


PLAYBOY: What's your stance on span- 
gles on men's suits? 

JONES: Porter, now, he just wouldn't be 
Porter without his look. He's a legend 
Maybe it's too much today, but back in 


the Sixties and Seventies, just about all 
of us wore those rhinestone suits. But 
in the Eighties, some singers went too 
far with the slouchy look. It looked like 
they d slept in their clothes for a week 
in the car and hadn't washed their hair 
or beards in a month. I've always had 
to be neatly dressed. I've gone to jeans 
and a nice shirt now because you ve got 
to join them a little bit. I still like the 
rancher type of suits. 


8 


PLAYBOY: If Porter Wagoner has the 
most distinctive clothes in country mu- 
sic, who has the most distinctive hair? 
JONES: I guess I do [laughs]. Back when 
1 һай that flattop, oh boy, I looked like 
a possum then! That's where J got 
my nickname “Possum.” But now, Mel 
Tillis’ daughter Pam says you can al- 
ways see George Jones coming. There's 
not a hair out of place. 


9 


PLAYBOY: You and Tammy Мупепе had 
such magic together onstage. Why 
didn't it work in your marriage? 

JONES: We fell in love with cach other's 
talent. When we were singing, we were 
happy as can be. Maybe we were more 
fascinated with each other than we 
were in love. It doesn’t take long for 
that part to wear off, thongh Rut T was 
glad that we did become friends again 
before Tammy died. And we got to do 
one last album and a short tour togeth- 


сег. 1 was really happy about that. We 


did have a sweet little girl out of the 
marriage—Georgette—and she’s sing- 
ing now and trying to get a record deal. 
She sang with me in Andalusia, Alaba- 
ma, the first night 1 came back after the 
accident. That helped me a lot, because 
J was really weak. Of course, she was 
raised apart from me, and they were 
telling her all this stuff about me. 1 al- 
ways hoped that someday she would 
sce through all the smoke and come 
over to my way. She did. So every- 
thing's fine now. 


10 


PLAYBOY: Alcohol is often an enemy of 
love. Is it possible to drink that much 
and still get the bus rocking? 

Jones: Oh, no problem whatsoever! 
1 was active, believe me. ‘That was in 
my younger days, in my 20s, 30s, 40s. 

There's a difference in the later years. 
About 60 is when the sex starts slowing 
down. It finally catches up with you 


11 


PLaveov: What do you think all those 
female fans found most appealing 
about you? 

Jones: I don't know, I suppose it was 


the heart and soul I put into my bal- 
lads. I live the song at the moment I'm 
singing it. 1 just feel it, and I’m all into 
it. I've got my voice, but I got a lot of 
my style from three different artists: 
Lefty Frizzell, Hank Williams and Roy 
Acuff. They were my favorite singers 
all during my young years. Every time 
Id sing I'd think of these people. In 
certain songs you'll hear a little Roy 
Acuff and in certain songs you'll hear a 
little Hank Williams. But in just about 
all of them you'll hear Lefty because I 
love to do all them wiggles and what 
have you. He would make five syllables 
out of one. The women would go crazy 
when һе did that. So I did it, too. T re- 
ally admired Lefty because he was the 
Elvis Presley of country music. That's 
when they wore a lot of fringe. And the 
women would tear the fringe right off 
of Lefty's clothes, just like they did with 
Elvis. And I've never seen them do that 
to any other country artist. They'll try 
to get around you and you'll be pushed 
and shoved, but tearing your clothes 
off—that's wanting a piece of you. 


12 


PLAYBOY: In your book you say, “Money 
has just never been that important to 
me, but I always suspected that love 
was.” Were your troubles really be- 
cause of a search for love? 

JONES: Probably. 1 had a lot of luck Ппа- 
ing the right woman, the one who 
could endure me long enough to get 
me straight. When Nancy and I met in 
1981, we had $20 between us. I was ca- 
pable of making more money, but not 
in the shape I was in. She didn't mar- 
ry me for the money, because there 
was none. But we've come a long way. 
She has been a jewel. She stuck with 
me through thick and thin when most 
women wouldn't hang around. It was 
her being so strong that really made 
this work out. And it’s paid off for her, 
thank God—finally. 


13 


PLAYBOY: As you were getting ready to 
release Choices as the first single on 
your new album, you made a choice on 
March 6 that almost cost you your life. 
Any idea what possessed you? 
jones: When I bought that bottle of 
vodka before | had my wreck, that was 
the first strong thing | had to drink in 
about 13 years. 1 felt like having adrink. 
It was my choice, and I guess 1 made 
the wrong choice. A lot of people say, 
“Well, he just don't want to admit it,” 
but honestly, I hadn't drunk that much 
out of the bottle. But it didn't really 
take a lot, since I'd been off of it. But 
really and truly, 1 was very alert. It hap- 
pened on the bridge only about a mile 
(concluded on page 140) 


. You know how jumpy I've been 
since seeing that remake of Psycho. . . ." 


. You gave me quite a start! . . 


“Sweetheart! . . 


125 


this year's sizzle came from unexpected places 
3% H- : 3 
- A > ~ 


» А 


text by 
JAMIE MALANOWSKI 


Last March, we saw the Academy Award 
for Best Picture go to Shakespeare in Love 
(1998 release, 1999 phenomenon), a spar- 
kling romantic comedy that sets forth the 
proposition that love, desire, creativity, wit 
and nudity all spring from the same animat- 
ing spirits. 

Inasmuch as Shakespeare in Love was sim- 
ply the sexiest Best Picture ever, we might 
have expected to see an abundance of films 
seeking to reproduce its formula for suc- 
cess. Instead, we watched the usual parade 
of special effects-laden extravaganzas, only 
a few of which managed to work up some 
wows. Meanwhile, Eyes Wide Shut, which 
was expected to be an intelligent and grip- 
ping exploration of sexuality, turned out 
to be wrongheaded and dreary. American 
Pie, on the other hand, which was expected 
to be just another gross adolescent sex 
comedy, in fact was surprisingly intelligent 
and tender. Notting Hill was expected to be 
the year’s sexy romantic; it was, however, 
about fame. 

And whatever anyone thought the cine- 
matic sex trend of the year was going to be, 
nobody had his money on coitus interrup- 
tus. To analysts of the American psyche this 
might suggest an ambivalent attitude toward 
sex. But, hey, this is Hollywood, where it's all 
entertainment. (text concluded on page 134) 


THE EYES HAVE IT For the first 
time in decades, a major-studio 
release is actually about sex: 
Stanley Kubrick's final film, 
Eyes Wide Shut (top and bot- 
tom left), takes Tom Cruise and 
Nicole Kidman on a wild, jeal- 


ousy-fueled ride. Also exploring 
kinky carnality: Inside Club Wild 
Side (top right), featuring per- 
formers іп a sex show, and / Like 
to Play Games, Too (right), in 
which a strip club is unmasked 
as a front for a prostitution ring. 


WATER SPORTING When moviemakers need an excuse to get performers out of their clothes, they dunk them. 
Above, Scott Carson and Maria Ford in a sudsy interlude from The Key to Sex. Below left, Anna Kaminskaia indoctri- 


nates pupil Susan Featherly in The Awakening of Gabriella. Below right, husband and wife Christian Bale and Emily 
Watson share a bathtub in Metroland. And, bottom right, Jeannie Pepper and Lexington Steele heat up while cooling 
off in an adult film for couples, Candida Royalle's Eyes of Desire: Part 2. 


= 


COMING OF AGE Unaware there’s a computer camera 
aimed at her, Shannon Elizabeth, star of an August PLAYBOY 
Pictorial, strips (above left) in the bedroom of horny Jason 
Biggs, who famously finds sexual release in American Pie 
(above right). Nina Hoss issues an irresistible invitation in 
A Girl Called Rosemarie (left), while in Edge of 17 (below), 
just-learning-he's-gay teen Eric (Chris Stafford) strikes out 
sexually with his friend Maggie (Tina Holmes). 


LUST WEEKEND Friends % Lovers (above) features а sextet of young Californians finding and changing partners on a 
skiing holiday. From left are Claudia Schiffer dallying with a ski instructor (a peroxided Robert Downey Jr.), Alison East- 
wood up against the wall with Neill Barry, and Suzanne Cryer with George Newbern, whose dad plays host. 


STAR STUDDING Among 19995 cinematically coupled celebrities: Julia Roberts and Hugh Grant in the romantic 
comedy Notting Hill (below left); devious heiress Elektra King (Sophie Marceau) and a captive Agent 007 Pierce Bros- 
nan in the latest James Bond flick, The World Is Not Enough (bottom left); and Diane Lane and Viggo Mortensen cre- 
ating extramarital sparks in a revisit to the original Woodstock summer, A Walk on the Moon (below right). 


PLAYBOY 


134 


THE NEW CLASSIC 


Director Paul Weitz American Pie, the 
story of four likable high school se- 
niors, virgins all, who pledge to have 
sex before the end of prom night, was 
the biggest surprise of the year. The 
film deftly combines good humor and 
an appreciation of people's vulnerabili- 
ties with a willingness to mine laughter 
from situations that both astonish and 
disgust. 

American Pie delivers the news not 
only that the sexual revolution is over 
and the revolutionaries have won, but 
that sex itself is no longer revolution- 
ary. Sex in this movie is a part of every- 
day life—a special part, an important 
part, an often consuming and confus- 
ing part, but not a shameful part. The 
boys and girls in the film are eager and 
open and curious about it. 


THE BIG ANTICLIMAX 


The most anticipated movie of the 
year was Eyes Wide Shut. Stanley Ku- 
brick's return to the screen after а 12- 
year absence, with Nicole Kidman and 
Tom Cruise in a film about sex, guar- 
anteed that this film would generate a 
buzz. Add to the buzz the stories about 
the prolonged shooting schedule, Ku- 
brick's perfectionism and his death, 
and Eyes Wide Shul, it seemed, had the 
ingredients to be not just a movie but а 
legend. Although it turned out to be a 
serious and intelligent film, it unfortu- 
nately didn't have a lot of spark. 

Based on Arthur Schnitzler's 1926 
novella Dream Story, Eyes Wide Shut is 
the tale of a respectable physician who 
grapples with the unsettling emotions 
brought on by his repressed sexual 
dreams and the sexual fantasies of his 
wife. The centerpiece of the movie, and 
unfortunately its phoniest moment, is 
a ritual masked orgy in an opulent 
Long Island mansion. There Cruise 
and about a hundred other masked 
and caped guests watch a dozen or 
so tall, lithe, slim-hipped, splendidly 
breasted women—did I mention that 
they're wearing big, stupid masks?— 
move sinuously though a ceremony of 
sorts, then select a guest and slink off 
for action (at least all the action that 
wasn't digitally obscured to avoid an 
NC-17 rating from the MPAA). 

Never was a film so desperately in 
need of Mel Brooks. 


LIFE OR DEATH? 


Sex in Eyes Wide Shut is never far 
from death. The daughter of a patient 
who has died comes on to Dr. Harford 
(Cruise) while the corpse is still in the 
room. The prostitute learns she has 
HIV. The party girl dies. Connecting 
sex and death isn't a brainstorm for 
Hollywood; as every fan of teen slasher 
movies knows, after first base comes 


second, after second base comes third, 
and after third base comes decapita- 
tion. That axiom got other workouts 
this year. In Elizabeth. Cate Blanchett 
returns to celibacy to become the virgin 
queen after learning that her lover had 
been part of a plot to kill her. In Sum- 
mer of Sam, Spike Lee uses the 1977 
Son of Sam murders, most of which 
claimed women who were parked in 
cars with their boyfriends, as the back- 
drop to a hairdresser's struggles over 
sex. The city's fears and his anxieties 
get twisted into a big knot, and the con- 
flict gets taken out on a friend who 
dances at a gay strip club—a sexual 
other, in other words. Unlike Kubrick, 
Lee seems to lament the connection be- 
tween sex and death. 

That connection is also established 
in Cruel Intentions, a smart update of 
Les Liaisons Dangereuses. Here. rich, de- 
praved superbrats enjoy destroying the 
reputations of their classmates and aim 
to ruin a new girl in school who is 
proud of her virginity. For a movie that 
doesn’t expose a great deal of flesh, 
Cruel Intentions is hot. The scene in 
which a primly dressed Sarah Michele 
Gellar tutors the nubile Selma Blair on 
the art of French kissing, and the one 
in which she arouses Ryan Phillippe by 
grinding against him are among the 
sexiest of the year. 


NAP TIME FOR CENSORS 


Unless Kevin Smith's latest film, Dog- 
ma—wherein a descendant of Jesus 
works in an abortion clinic and Alanis 
Morissette plays God—gets a distribu- 
tor (and at this writing it hasn't), the 
nation’s bluenoses will have had a fair- 
ly calm year. 

South Park: Bigger, Longer and Uncut 
came across as one long, witless effort 
to provoke a fight with the MPAA. It 
must have come as a terrible disap- 
pointment when the ratings board al- 
lowed even the іше to pass by without 
a peep. Meanwhile, in Georgia, a wom- 
an filed a criminal complaint against a 
local Toys R Us after her 11-year-old 
son read the box for an Austin Powers 
action figure and asked her what horny 
means. 

A more vivid response no doubt 
awaits French director Catherine Breil- 
lat's Romance, which caused a storm of 
publicity when it opened in Paris (the 
controversy should continue when the 
picture opens here next year). Romance 
has been called the most sexually auda- 
cious movie since Last Tango in Paris, 
though it far outstrips that film in what 
it reveals. In the first five minutes, the 
heroine, a teacher named Marie, per- 
forms oral sex on her boyfriend, who 
not only declines to reciprocate but re- 
fuses to touch her at all. Marie decides 
she had better shop around, and she 


begins picking up men, one of whom 
is played by Italian porno king Rocco 
Siffredi. Her graphic odyssey includes 
scenes of ejaculation and bondage. lead- 
ing a number of critics to label the film 
as pornography. 


BEFORE, DURING AND AFTER 


The movies this past year provided 
a cinematic gallery of horrible pickup 
lines. In American Pie, one of the teen- 
agers, parked in a lovers’ lane with a 
girl, starts off asking her questions 
about herself, then abruptly points to 
his crotch and tells her, “Suck the big 
one, beautiful!” In Go, one supermar- 
ket clerk (male) pays another clerk (fe- 
male) to take his shift. "I'll throw in 
$20 for a blow job,” he offers. She de- 
murs. In Election, a frustrated teacher 
befriends a divorcée. “What do you 
think?” he blurts out following an af- 
ternoon of friendliness. “Should we get 
a room?" “That’s not funny,” is the 
woman's reply. In 200 Cigarettes, Court- 
ney Love propositions Paul Rudd in a 
coffee shop with the line “Do you want 
to fuck? "Cause if you really want to 
fuck, we'll fuck.” 

Rudd accepts, but he and Love, sad 
to say, are interrupted by Rudd's ex- 
girlfriend, played by Janeane Garofalo. 
This moment calls to mind the scene in 
Ed TV where Jenna Elfman and Mat- 
thew McConaughey arc interrupted 
during sex by a ТУ crew, and the later 
scene in which Elizabeth Hurley and 
Matthew McConaughey are interrupt- 
ed during sex when he falls off the 
table onto a cat. Then there's the scene 
in Varsity Blues when a couple going at 
it atop a clothes drier are interrupted 
by a big drunken football player who 
barfs into the washing machine, and 
the scene in The Red Violin when a By- 
ronic violinist and a gypsy lass are 
terrupted midfornicauon by Greta Scac- 
chi, the violinist's mistress, who threatens 
them with a pistol. 

What happens afterward? Well, in 
Notting Hill, Julia Roberts discovers 
that someone has put naked pictures of 
her on the Internet. In Cruel Intentions, 
Ryan Phillippe, seeking to embarrass 
his psychiatrist, seduces her daughter 
and puts pictures of her on the Inter- 
net. Іп Ed TV, Jenna Elfman is embar- 
rassed to find that she has attained 
enough celebrity as Ed's girlfriend that 
someone has posted nude pictures of 
her on the Internet. And, of course, in 
American Pie, an entire sexual en- 
counter, albeit a prematurely conclud- 
ed one, is broadcast over the Internet. 

Bad pickup lines, coitus interruptus, 
nude pictures on the Internet. Ameri- 
can screenwriters: In the coming year, 
please try to get out more. 


HURRY, ANNIE ...LEOS SHOW 
STARTS IN TEN MINUTES! ¿ 


IM SORRY...BUT І JUST 
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(OU: 
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PLAYBOY 


138 


PERSONAL INJURIES 


(continued from page 108) 

“So one day Mort and 1, we have 
breakfast with Brendan, and we start 
drying our eyes on his sleeve, about this 
trial coming up, what a great case it is 
and how we're gonna get manhandled 
and end up homeless. We're just young 
pups sharing our troubles with Morty's 
wise old uncle. "Well, I know Homer for 
years,” says Brendan. ‘He used to run 
precincts for us in the Boylan organiza- 
tion. Homer's all right. I'm sure he'll 
give you boys a fair trial.” 
“Nice that he thinks so,” said Robbie. 
Feaver looked up and we all offered the 
homage of humoring smiles to induce 
him to continue. “Our case goes in pret- 
ty good, No bumps. Before we put on 
our final expert, who'll testify about 
what constitutes reasonable care in а for- 
ceps delivery, I call the doc, the defen- 
dant, as an adverse witness, to establish a 
couple things about the procedure. Last 
thing, I ask the usual jackpot question, 
"Would you do it again? "Not given the 
result, he says. Fair enough. We finish, 
and before the defense begins, both 
sides make the standard motions for a 
directed verdict, and, strike me dead, 
Guerfoyle grants mine. Robbie wins lia- 
bility by ТКО! The doc's to blame, Ho- 


mer says. He admitted he didn't employ 
reasonable care when he said he wouldn't 
use forceps again. Even 1 hadn't suggest- 
ed anything like that. Franch just about 
pulls his heart ош of his chest, but since 
the only issue now is damages, he has no 
choice but to settle—1.4 mil. So it's near- 
ly 500,000 for Morty and me. 

“Two days later, I'm before Guerfoyle 
on a motion in another case, and he 
takes me back to his chambers for a sec- 
ond. ‘Say, that’s a wonderful result, Mr. 
Feaver.' Yaddie, yaddie, yaddie. And I've 
got no more brains than a ucc stump. 
I don't get it. I really don't. I'm like, 
Thanks, Judge, thanks so much, I really 
appreciate it, we worked that file hard. 
"Well, I'll be seeing you, Mr. Feaver” 

“Next weekend, Brendan's guy, Kosic, 
gets Morty in the corner at some family 
shindig and it’s like, ‘What'd you boys do 
to piss off Homer Guerfoyle? We have a 
lot of respect for Homer. I made sure he 
knows you're Brendan's nephew. It em- 
barrasses us when you guys don’t show 
respect.” Monday, Mort and І are back in 
the office staring at each other. No com- 
prende. Piss off? Respect? 

“Guess what happens next? I come in 
with the dismissal order on the settle- 
ment and Guerfoyle won't sign. He says 
he's been pondering the case. On his 
own again. He's been thinking maybe 


“So what if they're pirated —I paid him in counterfeits.” 


he should have let the jury decide wheth- 
er the doc had admitted liability. Even 
Franch is astonished, because at trial the 
judge was acting like he was deaf when 
Franch had argued exactly the same 
point. So we set the case over for more 
briefing. And as I'm leaving, the bailiff, 
a pretty good sod of the name of Ray 
Zahn, is just shaking his head at me. 

“So like two goofs from East Bumble- 
fuck, Mort and I put all the pieces to- 
gether. Gee, Mort, do you think he wants 
money? Yeah, Rob, I think he wants 
some money. Somebody had to finance 
Homer's new lifestyle, right? 

“We sit on that for about a day. Final- 
ly, Morty comes back to me and says no. 
That's it: No. No way. No how. He didn't 
sleep. He hurled three times. He broke 
out in a rash. Prison would be a relief 
compared to this. That's Morty. Nerves 
of spaghetti. The guy fainted dead away 
the first time he went to court. Which 
puts the load on Robbie. But you tell me, 
what was I supposed to do? And don't 
quote the sayings of Confucius. Tell me 
real-world. Was I supposed to walk away 
from a fee of 490-and-some-thousand 
dollars and just go home and start pack- 
ing? Was I supposed to tell this fami- 
ly that's got this gorked-out kid, ‘Sorry 
for these false hopes, that million bucks 
we said you got, we must have been on 
18? How many hours do you think it 
would be before they got themselves a 
lawyer whose word they could trust? You 
think I should have called the FBI, right 
then? What's that mean for Morty's un- 
cle? And what about us? In this town no- 
body likes a beefer. 

“So Morty or not, there's only one ап- 
swer. And it's like tipping in Europe. 
How much is enough? And where do 
you get it? It’s comical, really. Where's 
that college course in bribery when you 
really need it? So I go to the bank and 
cash a check for 9000, because over 
10,000 they report it to the feds. And I 
put it in an envelope with our new brief 
and I take it over to the bailiff, Ray. And 
man, my mouth's so dry I couldn't lick a 
stamp. What the hell do I say if I've read 
this wrong? ‘Oops, that was my bank de- 
posit’? I've put so much tape on this en- 
velope, he'll have to open it with a hand 
grenade, and I say, ‘Please be sure Judge 
Guerfoyle gets this. Tell him I'm sorry 
for the miscommunication.” 

“I go to a status call in another court- 
room and as I'm coming out, the bailiff, 
Ray Zahn, is waiting for me in the corri- 
dor, and there's one damn serious look 
in his eye. He strolls me a hundred feet, 
and honest to God you can hear my 
socks squish. Finally, he throws his arm 
over my shoulder and whispers, “Next 
time, don't forget something for me.” 
And then he hands me an order Ho- 
mer's signed, accepting the settlement 
and dismissing the case.” 


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PLAYBOY 


140 


George Jones 
(continued from page 124) 
from home. My biggest problem was 
that 1 was leaning over toward the mid- 
dle ofthe vehicle trying to rewind a tape. 
Td just picked up the rough mix copy of 
our new album. We had picked Choices 
the day before to be the first single. 1 had 
my stepdaughter, Adina, on the speaker- 
phone, so I was trying to run the thing 
back to find Choices to play it for her. I 
took my eyes off the road just that one 
second, and you can't do that when 
уоште driving a vehicle. You have to 
watch every minute. I was in a Lexus 
470 SUV, up real high, you know, and 
they said if I'd been in a car, lower, I'd be 
dead. It's a miracle that I survived. 


14 


PLAYBOY: You suffered a punctured lung, 
a ruptured liver and internal bleeding. 
You were unconscious and in critical 
condition. What was the toughest thing 
about your recovery? 

JONES: My biggest problem was that for 
about two months I couldn't eat. Noth- 
ing sounded good, and I was so weak. 
The main thing, they said, is just to get 
back to singing. 175 going to be rough 
for a while. It was nerve-racking when I 
tried to sing at first. I couldn't hit a high 
note, I couldn't hit a low note. It really 


had me scared to death, even though 1 
should be happy because my life was 
saved. But my voice came back. In June 
I worked two days in Texas and one day 
in Louisiana. We beat the record for tick- 
et sales at all three places. We beat Merle 
Haggard and a bunch of other artists. 
And I wish you could have heard the 
young people there screaming. 1 felt like 
Elvis Presley. 1 said, “I love what's goin’ 
оп out there!” 


15 


PLAYBOY: Has the publicity from your ac- 
cident helped your comeback? 

Jones: At 68 years old, I've got a hit. If 
you had told me before my car wreck 
that I'd ever have a record on the Bill- 
board charts again, I would have said 
you're crazy. Maybe they can give me an 
award for being the oldest artist ever on 
the charts. This is the best album I’ve 
had in ten or 15 years. Before then there 
меге a lot of mediocre songs and “let's 
get in there and just get an album done.” 
That's the way you feel about it when 
you know you're not going to get radio 
play. So you get to thinking, Oh what the 
hell. This gives me new hope. If we keep 
this kind of good material out there, 
maybe they'll stick with it. 1 don't think 
you're ever too old to sing. I don't know 
what they've got against age. All it's ever 
been is age discrimination. 


"Don't tell me I don't understand —I was having sex 
when condoms were rubbers!" 


16 


PLAYBOY: If you could summarize your 
life in a song title, what would it be? 
JONES: My life in a song title? The song 
Choices tells the story. We picked it to be 
the first single off the album before the 
car crash. But the truth is, Choices fits 
everybody. I don't think there's anybody 
walking around on two feet who hasn't 
done something they would change if 
they could. It's just the type of song that 
fits people in general 


17 


PLAYBOY: Country fans say there will nev- 
er be another voice like yours. 15 there 
anybody who can carry on your style? 

JONES: I can't see where my voice is that 
good. I'm not trying to be modest; Pm 
serious. But a lot of my voice probably 
comes from the way I was raised and the 
way I've lived. When I'm singing, wheth- 
er I'm in a recording studio, onstage or 
at home, I'm in another world. I forget 
everything going on and 1 just feel it. 


18 


rLAYBOY: Which country artists do you 
listen to these days? 

JONES: I was a real fan of LeeAnn Rimes 
when she first came out, before they put 
her in that pop vein. I'm a fan of Kenny 
Chesney and Alan Jackson. I liked Mark 
Chestnut until he cor those last two pop- 
rock things. But if that’s what they want 
to do, well, that’s good. He was probably 
told he'd have a huge crossover hit. No 
telling what they've been told. Often 
they don’t have any control over what 
they do. Back in my day nobody told us 
what music we had to record. We found 
our own songs and we recorded them. 


19 


PLAYBOY: With whom would you like to 
work that you haven't? 

JONES: Can't think of anybody. They'd 
probably be hard to get along with. But 
put me with Keith Richards and I'm all 
right. He can play! When he did a ses- 
sion with me [The Bradley Barn Sessions), 
we really enjoyed being together. He's 
quite a character. I'll bet he thought I 
was, 100. It takes one to know one. 


20 


PLAYBOY: On your A&E Biography show, 
Wynonna Judd said your 1980 hit He 
Stopped Loving Her Today is “stone butt 
country. It’s so sad I go into a trance 
when I listen to it." Educate the city folk: 
What is “stone butt country”? 

JONES: Some call it hard-core. They've 
called me hard-core country all my life. 
E call it traditional. You may call it old- 
timey, but there are still people out there 
who love it. It's American music. 


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PLAYBOY 


DUNE 
(continued from page 86) 


his second opportunity: loose, lichen- 
covered sandstone chunks, heavy boul- 
ders. Perhaps he could move them. 

Duncan crawled inside the shelter of 
the cave hollow, where he found it no 
warmer. Just darker. The opening was so 
low that a grown man would have to bel- 
Iy-crawl inside; there was no other way 
out. This cave wouldn't offer him much 
protection. He'd have to hurry. 

Squatting, he switched on the small 
hand light, pulled off his stained shirt 
and brought out the knife. He felt the 
lump ofthe tracer implant in the meat of 
his upper left arm, the back of the tri- 
ceps at his shoulder. 

His skin was already numb from the 
cold, his mind dulled by the shock of his 
circumstances. But when he jabbed with 
the knife, he felt the point dig into his 
muscle, lighting the nerves on fire. Clos- 
ing his eyes against reflexive resistance, 
he cut deeply, prodding and poking with 
the tip of the blade. 

He stared at the dark wall of the cave, 
saw skeletal shadows cast by the wan 
light. His right hand moved mechanical- 
ly, like a probe, excavating the tiny trac- 
er. The pain shrank to a dim corner of 
his awareness. 

At last the beacon fell out, a bloody 
piece of microconstructed metal clinking 
to the dirty floor of the cave Sophisticat- 
ed technology from Richese. Reeling 
with pain, Duncan picked up a rock to 
smash the tracer. Then, thinking better 
of it, he set the rock down again and 
moved the tiny device deep into the shad- 
ows where no one could see it. 

Better to leave the tracer here. As bait. 

Crawling outside, Duncan scooped up 
a handful of grainy snow. Red droplets 
spattered on the pale sandstone ledge. 
He packed the snow against the blood 
streaming from his shoulder, and the 
sharp cold deadened the pain of his self- 
inflicted cut. He pressed the ice hard 
against the wound until pink-tinged 
snow melted between his fingers. He 
grabbed another handful, no longer car- 
ing about the obvious marks he left in 
the drift. The Harkonnens would come 
to this place anyway. 

At least the snow had stanched the 
flow of blood. 

Duncan scrambled up and away from 
the cave, being careful to leave no sign 
of where he was going. He saw the bob- 
bing lights down in the valley split up; 
members of the hunting party had cho- 
sen different routes as they climbed the 
bluff. A darkened ornithopter whirred 
overhead. 

Duncan moved as quickly as he could 
but took care not to splash fresh blood 
again. He tore strips from his shirt to 
dab the oozing wound, leaving his chest 
naked and cold, then he pulled the rag- 


142 ged garment back over his shoulders. Per- 


haps the forest predators would smell 
the iron blood scent and hunt him down 
for food rather than for sport. That was 
a problem he didn't want to consider 
right now. 

With loose pebbles pattering around 
him, he circled back until he reached the 
overhang above his former shelter. His 
instinct was to run blindly, as far as he 
could go, but he made himself stop. This 
would be better. He squatted behind the 
loose, heavy chunks of rock, tested them 
to be sure of his strength, and dropped 
back to wait. 

Before long, the first hunter came up 
the slope to the cave hollow. Clad in 
suspensor-augmented armor, the hunt- 
er slung a lasgun in front of him. He 
glanced down at a handheld device, 
counterpart to the Richesian tracer. 

Duncan held his breath, making no 
move, disturbing no pebbles or debris. 
Blood sketched a hot red line down his 
left arm. 

“The hunter paused in front ofthe hol- 
low, noting the disturbed snow, the 
bloodstains, the targeting blip on his 
tracer. Though Duncan couldn't see the 
man's face, he knew the hunter wore a 
grin of scornful triumph. 

Thrustng the lasgun into the hollow 
ahead of him, the hunter ducked low, 
bending stiffly in his protective chest 
padding. On his belly, he crawled part- 
way into the darkness. “Found you, lit- 
tle boy!” 

Using his feet and the strength of his 
leg muscles, Duncan shoved a lichen- 
smeared boulder over the edge. Then he 
moved to a second one and kicked it 
hard, pushing it to the abrupt drop-off. 
Both heavy stones fell, tumbling in the 
air. He heard the sounds of impact and 
a crack. A sickening crunch. Then the 
gasp and gurgle of the man below. 

Duncan scrambled to the edge, saw 
that one of the boulders had struck to 
one side, bouncing off and rolling down 
the steep slope, gathering momentum 
and taking scrce along with it. The other 
boulder had landed on the small of the 
hunter's back, crushing his spine even 
through the padding, pinning him to 
the ground like a needle through an in- 
sect specimen. 

Duncan climbed down. gasping, slip- 
ping. The hunter was still alive, рага- 
lyzed. His legs twitched, thumping the 
toes of his boots against the frost-hard 
ground. Squeezing past the man's bulky, 
armored body into the hollow, Duncan 
shone his hand light down into the 
man's glazed, astonished eyes. The dy- 
ing hunter croaked something unintelli- 
gible at him. 

Duncan did not hesitate. His eyes паг- 
rowed, no longer the eyes of a child, as 
he bent forward. The knife slipped in 
under the man's jawbone. The hunter 
squirmed, raising his chin as if in accep- 
tance rather than defiance—and the dull 
blade cut through skin and sinew. Jugu- 


lar blood spurted out with enough force 
to splash and spatter before forming a 
dark, sticky pool on the floor of the cave. 

Duncan rummaged through the items 
on the man’s belt, found a small medpak 
and a ration bar. Then he tugged the las- 
gun free from the clenching grip. Using 
its butt, he smashed the blood-smeared 
Richesian tracer, grinding it into metal 
debris. He no longer needed it as a de- 
coy. His pursuers could hunt him with 
their own wits now. They might even en- 
joy the challenge. 

Duncan crawled out of the hollow. 
The lasgun, almost as tall as he was, clat- 
tered as he dragged it behind him. Be- 
low, the hunting party's trail of glow- 
globes came closer. 

Armed. and nourished by his improb- 
able success, Duncan ran into the night. 


Hidden by the thick pines, Duncan 
Idaho knelt in the soft needles on the 
ground, feeling little warmth. The cold 
night air deadened the resinous ever- 
green scent, but at least here he was shel- 
tered from the razor breezes. He had 
gone far enough from the cave that he 
could pause and catch his breath. For 
just a moment. 

Duncan opened the medpak and 
brought out a small package of newskin 
ointment, which he slathered over the 
incision on his shoulder where it hard- 
ened to an organic bond. Then he 
wolfed down the ration bar and stuffed 
the wrappings into his pockets. 

Using the glow of his hand light, he 
turned to study the lasgun. He'd never 
fired such a weapon before, but he had 
watched the guards and the hunters op- 
erate their rifles. He cradled the weap- 
on and fiddled with its mechanisms and 
controls. Pointing the barrel upward, he 
attempted to understand what he was 
supposed to do. He would have to learn 
if he meant to fight. 

With a surge of power, a white-hot 
beam lanced out toward the upper 
boughs of the pine trees. They burst into 
flames, crackling and snapping. Smol- 
dering clumps of evergreen needles fell 
around him like red-hot snow. 

Yelping, he dropped the gun to scram- 
ble backward—then snatched it up again 
before he could forget which combina- 
tion of buttons he had pushed. The 
flames overhead flared like a bonfire 
beacon, exuding curls of sharp smoke. 
With nothing to lose now, Duncan fired 
again, aiming this time, just to make sure 
he could use the lasgun. The cumber- 
some weapon was not built for a small 
boy, especially not one with a throbbing 
shoulder and sore ribs, but he could use 

- He had to. 

Knowing the Harkonnens would run 
toward the blaze, Duncan scampered 
away from the trees, searching for an- 
other place to hide. Once again he made 
for higher ground, keeping to the ridge- 


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PLATS OF 


144 


line so he could see the scattered glow- 
globes. He knew exactly where the men 
were, exactly how close. 

But how can they be so stupid, he won- 
dered, making themselves so obvious? Over- 
confidence . . . was that their flaw? If so, 
it might help him. 

The Harkonnens expected him to 
play their game, then cower and die 
when he was supposed to. Duncan might 
just disappoint them 

Maybe this time we'll play my game instead. 


As he dashed, he avoided patches of 


snow and noisy underbrush. But then he 
heard a snap of dricd twigs ochind and 
above him, the rustle of bushes, then the 
click of claws on bare rock accompanied 
by heavy, hoarse panting. 

ling to a halt, Duncan looked up, 
searching for gleaming eyes in the shad- 
ows. But he didn't turn to the stark out- 
cropping over his head until he heard a 
wet-sounding growl. In the starlight, he 
discerned the muscular, crouching form 
of a wild gaze hound, its back fur bris- 
ding like quills, its lips curled to expose 
flesh-tearing fangs. Its huge eyes fo- 
cused on its prey: a young boy with ten- 
der skin. 

Duncan scrambled backward, firing 
offa shot with the lasgun. Poorly aimed, 
the beam came nowhere close to the 
stalking creature, but powdered rock 
spewed from the outcropping below the 
gazchound. The predator yelped and 
snarled, backing off. Duncan fired again, 
this time sizzling a blackened hole 
through its right haunch. With a brassy 
roar, the creature bounded off into the 
darkness, howling and baying. 

The gaze hound's racket, as well as the 


flashes from his lasgun fire, would draw 
the Harkonnen trackers. Duncan set off 
into the starlight, running. 


Hands on his 5, Rabban stared 
down at the body of his ambushed hunt- 
er by the cave hollow. Rage burned 
through him—as well as cruel satisfac- 
tion. The devious child had lured the 
man into a trap. Very resourceful. All of 
the tracker's armor hadn't saved him 
from a dropped boulder and the thrust 
of a dull dagger. The coup de grace. 

Rabban simmered for a few moments 
as he attempted to assess the challenge. 
Death smelled sour even in the cold 
night. This was what he wanted, wasn't 
it—a challenge? 

One of the other trackers crawled into 
the low hollow and played the beam of 
his hand light around the cave. It lighted 
the smears of blood and the smashed 
Richesian tracer. “Here is the reason, 
lord. The cub cut out his own tracking 
device.” The hunter swallowed, as if un- 
certain whether he should continue. “A 
smart one, this boy. Good prey.” 

Rabban glowered at the carnage for a 
few moments, then grinned slowly and 
finally burst out into loud guffaws. “An 
eight-year-old child with only his imagi- 
nation and a couple of clumsy weapons 
bested one of my troops!” He laughed 
again. Outside, the others in the party 
stood uncertainly, bathed in the light of 
their bobbing glowglobes. 

“Such a boy was made for the hunt,” 
Rabban declared, then he nudged the 
dead tracker's body with the toe of his 
boot. “And this clod did not deserve to be 


“People of New York, I come from a galaxy fax, far away to 
announce my candidacy for your Senate.” 


part of my crew. Leave his body here to 
rot. Let the scavengers get him." 

They looked up to see flames in the 
trees, and Rabban pointed. “There! The 
cub is probably trying to warm his 
hands.” He laughed again, and finally 
the rest of the hunting crew snickered 
along with him. “This is turning into an 
exciting night.” 


From his high vantage Duncan gazed 
into the distance, away from the guard- 
ed lodge. A bright light blinked on and 
off, paused, then 15 seconds later 
flashed on and off again. Some kind of 
signal, not from the Harkonnen hunt- 
ers, far from the lodge or the station. 
Who else is out here? 

Forest Guard Station was a preserve 
for the sole use of Harkonnen family 
members. Anyone discovered out here 
would be killed outright, or used as prey 
in a future hunt. Duncan watched the 
tantalizing light flickering on and off. It 
was dearly a message. Who's sending it? 

He took a deep breath, felt small but 
defiant in a large and hostile world. He 
had no place else to go, no other chance. 
So far, he had eluded the hunters, but 
that couldn't last forever. Soon the Наг- 
konnens would bring in additional for- 
ces, ornithopters, life-tracers, perhaps 
even hunting animals to follow the smell 
of blood on his shirt, as the wild gaze 
hound had done. 

Duncan decided to make his way to 
the signal and hope for the best. Maybe 
he could find a means of escape, perhaps 
as a stowaway on a vehicle. 

First, though, he would lay another 
trap for the hunters. He had an idea, 
something to surprise them, and it 
stemed simple enough. Ifhe could killa 
few more of the enemy, he'd have a bet- 
ter chance of getting away. 

He studied the rocks, the patches of 
snow, the trees, and selected the best 
point for an ambush. He switched on his 
hand light, directing the beam at the 
ground so that no sensitive eyes would 
spot a telltale gleam in the distance. The 
pursuers weren't far bchind him. Occa- 
sionally, he heard a muffled shout in the 
deep silence, saw the hunting party's 
firefly glowglobes illuminating their way 
through the trackless forest, as the track- 
ers tried to anticipate the path their 
quarry would take. 

Duncan wanted them to anticipate 
where he would go . . . they would never 
guess what he meant to do. Kneeling be- 
side a particularly light and fluffy snow- 
drift, he inserted the hand light into the 
snow and pushed it down through the 
cold as far as he could. Then he with- 


drew his hand. 

The glow reflected from the white 
snow like water diffusing into a sponge. 
Tiny crystals of ice refracted the light, 

ing it; the drift shone I 


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Slinging the lasgun in front of him, 
ready to fire, he trotted back to the shel- 
tering trees. He lay on a cushion of pine 
needles flat against the ground, careful 
to present no visible target, then rested 
the barrel of the lasgun on a small rock, 
propping it in position. Waiting. 


Тһе hunters came, predictably, and 
Duncan felt that their roles had re- 
versed: Now he was the hunter, and they 
were his game. He aimed the weapon, 
fingers tense on the firing stud. At last 
the group entered the clearing. Startled 
by the shining snowdrifi, they milled 
about, trying to figure out what it was 
that their prey had donc. Two of them 
faced outward, suspicious of an attack 
from the forest. Others stood silhouetted 
in the ghostly light, perfect targets—ex 
actly as Duncan had hoped. 

At the rear of the party, he recognized 
one burly man with a commanding pres- 
ence. Rabban! Duncan thought of how 


his parents had fallen, remembered the 
smell of their burning flesh—and then 
squeezed the firing stud. 

Butat that moment, a scout stepped in 
front of Rabban to give a report. The 
beam scored through his armor, burning 
and smoking. Ihe man flung out his 
arms and gave a wild shriek. 

Reacting with lightning speed for so 
burly a body, Rabban hurled himself to 
one side as the beam melted all the way 
through the hunter's padded chest and 
sizzled into the snowdrift. Duncan cut 
loose another blast, shooting a second 
tracker who stood outlined against the 
glowing snow. The remaining guards be- 
gan firing wildly into the trees, into the 
darkness. 

Duncan targeted the drifting glow- 
globes. Bursting one after another, he 
left his pursuers alone in flame-haunted 
darkness. He picked off two more men, 
while the rest of the party scrambled for 
cover. 

With the charge in 


is lasgun running 


low, the boy scrabbled back behind the 
ridge where he had set up his attack, and 
headed out at top specd toward the 
blinking signal light. Whatever the bea- 
con might be, it was his best chance. 
Knowing he had one last opportunity, 
Duncan threw caution to the wind. He 
ran, slipping, down the hillside, smash- 
ing against rocks, ignoring the pain of 
scrapes and bruises. He could not cov- 
ег his tracks in time, did not attempt 
to hide. 

Somewhere behind him, as he in- 
creased the distance, he heard muflled 
growls and snarls, and shouts from the 
hunters. A pack of wild gaze hounds had 
converged on them, seeking wounded 
prey. Duncan grinned and continued to- 
ward the intermittently blinking light up 
ahead near the edge of the forest. 

He approached, treading lightly to a 
shallow clearing. He came upon a silent 
flitter thopter, a high-speed aircraft that 
could take several passengers. The flash- 
ing beacon signaled from the top of the 
craft, but Duncan saw no one. 

He waited in silence for a few mo- 
ments, then cautiously left the shadows 
of the trees and moved forward. Was the 
craft abandoned? Left here for him? 
Some kind of trap the Harkonnens had 
laid? But why would they do that? They 
were already hunting him. He was only 
eight ycars old and could never pilot this 
flitter, even if it was his only way to es- 
cape. 5ШІ, he might find supplies inside, 
morc food, another weapon. 

He leaned against the hull, surveying 
the arca, making no sound. The hatch 
stood open like an invitation, but the 
mysterious flitter was dark inside. Wish- 
ing he still had his hand light, he moved 
forward cautiously and probed the shad- 
ows ahead of him with the barrel of the 
lasgun. 

Then hands snatched out from the 
shadows of the craft to yank the gun 
from his grip before he could even 
flinch. Fingers stinging, flesh torn, Dun- 
can staggered backward, biting back an 
outcry. 

‘The person inside the flitter tossed the 
lasgun with a clatter onto the deck plates 
and lunged out to grab the boy's arms. 
Rough hands squeezed the wound in his 
shoulder and made him gasp in pain. 

Duncan kicked and struggled, then 
looked up to see a wiry, bitter-faced 
woman with chocolate-colored hair and 
dusky skin. He recognized her instantly: 
Janess Milam. 

This woman had betrayed him to the 
Harkonnens. 

She pressed a hand over his mouth be- 
fore he could cry out and clamped his 
head in a firm armlock, 

“Got you,” she said, her voice a harsh 
whisper. 

She had betrayed him again. 


RERL SEX 


(continued from page 92) 
sade, they retaliated by putting pin-ups 
on her toolbox. Whether their hostility 
was directed toward Robinson as a wom- 
an or as a prude provocateur is hard to 
say.) A judge ordered the locker rooms 
cleaned out. He fined the shipyard nom- 
inal damages. 

In another case, five women employ- 
ees sued the Stroh Cos., claiming the 
company’s television commercials (fea- 
turing the Swedish Bikini Team) соп- 
tributed to a hostile work environment 
"Тһе commercials depict manly men out 
fishing or hiking, drinking beer and 
commenting, “It doesn't get any better 
than this.” At which point a cascade of 
blondes arrives by parachute or raft. 

In January 1991 Kerry Ellison, a fe- 
male agent for the Internal Revenue 
Service, received unwanted attenuon 
and love letters from Sterling ya 
colleague (not a supervisor). The let- 
ters were not what most people would 
call hostile: "I know that you are worth 
knowing with or without sex. 1 have en- 
joyed you so much, watching you. Ex- 
periencing you. Some people seek the 
woman, I seek the child inside. With gen- 
tleness and deepest respect. Sterling." 

Ellison complained. Gray was trans- 
ferred, but he filed a union grievance 
and sent her another letter. Then Ellison 
filed suit. 

The first judge who heard the case 
dismissed it, but appeals judge Robert 
Beever had a different opinion. While 
Gray might see his own conduct as a 
"modern-day Cyrano de Bergerac" wi 
ing only to woo Ellison with his words, 
conduct that many men consider unob- 
jectionable may offend many women. 

Judge Beezer concluded that the case 
should be decided from the viewpoint of 
“a reasonable woman.” His rationale was 
right out of a radical feminist Take Back 
the Night rally: “Because women are dis- 
proportionately victims of rape and sex- 
ual assault, women have a stronger in- 
centive to be concerned with sexual 
behavior,” Beezer wrote. “Women who 
are victims of mild forms of sexual ha- 
rassment may understandably worry 
whether a harasser's conduct i 
prelude to a 

John Leo, in U.S. News & World Report, 
saw the dangerous shift toward Big Sis- 
ter sex police: “Driven by feminist ideol- 
ogy, we have constantly extended the de- 
inition of what constitutes i 
behavior,” he wrote. “Very ambiguous 
incidents are now routinely flattened out 
into male predation.” 

This mind-set, Leo went on, “is а rich 
compost of antisex messages: Males are 
predatory, sex is so dangerous that chit- 
chat about it can get you brought up on 
charges, hormone-driven gazing at girls 
will bring the adult world down on your 
neck. The most harmful message, per- 


haps, is that women are victims, іпса- 
pable of dismissing creeps with a simple 
"Buzz off, Воло" 

The feminist chorus chanted, “Men 
don't get it.” Anita Hill's story struck a 
chord. Between October 1990 and Sep- 
tember 1991 the EEOC received 6883 
complaints. In the year following the 
hearing, sexual harassment suits filed 
with the EEOC jumped to a record 9920. 

A few weeks after the Anita and Clar- 
ence show, The New York Times inter- 
viewed Michelle Paludi, a psychologist at 
Hunter College who coordinated a cam- 
pus committee on sexual harassmen 
She told about a hypothetical scenario 
that was presented to men and women 
in the college and asked the students 
when sexual harassment occurred. 

"In one scenario, a woman gets a job 
teaching at a university and her depart- 
ment chairman, a man, invites her to 
lunch to discuss her research. At lunch 
he never mentions her research, but in- 
stead delves into her personal life. After 
a few such lunches, he invites her to di 
ner and then for drinks. While they a 
having drinks, he tries to fondle her. 

“Most of the women said that sexual 
harassment started at the first lunch 
when he talked about her private life in- 
stead of her work,” said Paludi. “Most of 
the теп said that sexual harassment be- 
gan at the point he fondled her." 

A таүвоу editorial challenged the ac- 
count: “Тһеге is a gulf here, but not be- 
tween men and women. It is between the 
bold and the brainwashed. The rush to 
judgment is as suspect as it is incendiary. 
Legally, sexual harassment has not oc- 
curred. There is no quid pro quo (she 
already has her job) and no hostile sexu- 
al environment (nothing in the scenario 
indicates that the attention is unwant- 
ed). What you have here is the standard 
American mating ritual. Lunches lead to 
dinner. Dinner leads to drinks. At some 
point, the participants move from talk- 
ing to touching (or in this case, attempt- 
ed touching). The man expresses inter- 
est. In the absence of a clearly expressed 
lack of interest, he proceeds. In the ab- 
sence of a clearly stated rejection, what 
happens is not harassment. It is, quite 
simply, none of our business 

Writing in The New York Times, Lloyd 
Cohen saw sexual harassment as a final 
campaign in the Sexual Revolution: "In 
our open, dynamic and multicultural so- 
ciety, there is no discreet set of accepted 
ways in which men and women make 
known their availability, to say nothing 
of their attraction to a particular person. 
And one can no longer read people's 
sexual standards from their dress, occu- 
pation, the places they frequent or their 
activities. The prudish and the promis- 
cuous are forced to rub shoulders, but 
often fail to recognize cach other's sexu- 
al values." 

Surveys found that huge percentages 
of women had experienced sexual ha- 


e 


rassment, but a PLAYBOY writer ques- 
tioned the term. "Substitute 'sexual in- 
terest’ for ‘sexual harassment and the 
hysteria dissipates.” He asked us to con- 
sider the following rewritten statements: 

© "Anywhere from 40 to 80 percent of 
all working women will find themselves 
subjected to sexual interest at some 
point in their careers." 

"Although nearly half said they had 
been the object of sexual interest, none 
had sought legal recourse and only 99 
percent said that they had told anyone 
else about the incident." 

e "Sexual interest is the single most 
widespread occupational hazard." 

Congress tried to demonstrate a new 
sensitivity to women's issues. Lawmakers 
passed a bill that put a price on harass- 
ment. Where once an aggrieved woman 
could sue only for lost wages, now her 
lawyers could seek punitive damages. 
Peggy Kimzey, a clerk at Wal-Mart whose 
supervisor snickered when she bent over 
to pick up a package, sued. The oaf had 
muttered something to the effect that "I 
just found someplace to put my screw- 
driver.” A jury awarded Kimzey $50 mil- 
lion, which was later cut to $5 million. 

Sexual harassment suits promised big 
bucks, a huge redistribution of wealth. 
In 1997 the EEOC fielded 15,889 charg- 
es, with monetary settlements totaling 
nearly $50 million. Men were getting it, 
and getting it big. 


POLITICALLY CORRECT SEX. 


As they had in the Twenties and Six- 
ties, college campuses in the Nineties led 
the culture in sexual change, only this 
time the trend was toward repression. 

Administrators formed committees to 
review issues of harassment and sex. 
Groups with titles such as the Commit- 
tee on Women's Concerns applied pow- 
er politics to sex, drafting codes that 
proclaimed: “A faculty member may not 
make romantic or sexual overtures to, or 
engage in sexual relations with, any un- 
dergraduate student.” 

Doug Hornig, in a маушу article ti- 
ued The Big Chill on Campus Sex, reported 
that Harvard's code included а spy sys- 
tem. “Whoever witnesses an illicit liaison 
is required to report it. If you aid and 
abet one, you share liability with the 
guilty parties. If you merely fail to turn 
іп miscreants, you may be subject to 
sanctions.” 

When University of Virginia officials 
moved to consider a code, the whole 
nation watched. Student council presi- 
dent Anne Bailey told CNN, “It’s an in- 
vasion of the private lives of consenting 
adults. It reeks of paternalism. We're old 
enough to go to war and to have abor- 
tions, so | think we're old enough to de- 
cide who to go to bed with.” 

Ann Lane, the director of Virginia's 
women's studies program and one of 
the proponents of the code, had a differ- 


ent view. “We're trying to create a set of 147 


PLAYBOY 


guidelines for ethical behavior in the 
university faculty,” she explained. “We're 
nol trying to curtail students’ sexual 
freedom. Ultimately they have that au- 
thority. What we are saying is, ‘Don't 
fuck your students.” 

Lane also concluded that “free sex is 
not a right. Society is an agreement on 
the part of people to give up some of 
their privileges in exchange for commu- 
nity control. In any case, there are cer- 
tain cultural benchmarks of maturity, 
and 18 isn't one of them.” 

‘Tom Hutchinson, a professor who op- 
posed the code, had marricd a woman 
he met when she was an undergraduate 
and he was a faculty member. “A tawdry 
little affair," he told pLaysoy, “that's last- 
ed, oh, about 35 years now.” 

He pointed out that the hysteria ex- 
ceeded the problem. In 1992 the school 
had received 47 complaints: 26 from 
students, 15 from faculty and from 
nonuniversity personnel. Out of a coi 
munity of 18,000, said Hutchinson, * 
seems to me an extraordinarily small 
number” 

Ata debate on the code, a man received 
a standing ovation for remarking: “We 
cannot consider any proposal that has 
the potential to limit, restrict or preclude 
quality intercourse at th т 


DATE RA 


Where the woman's face would be, a 
blue dot hovered. One hand played with 
a string of pearls as she answered ques- 
tions from the prosecutor. 

More than three million Americans 
watched as the 30-year-old single moth- 
er accused William Kennedy Smith of 
rape. 

On Good Friday in 199], the woman 
met Smith at the Au Bar in Palm Beach. 
He accepted her offer of a ride home. 
She said he seemed like a nice man, a 
medical student she trusted because he 
could talk about the problems she had 
experienced with her prematurely born 
daughter. 

In the car they ed and fondled. 
They took a walk along the beach at 
AM. Then, she said, he threw her to the 
ground, pulled up her skirt, pulled aside 
her panties and raped her. She struggled 
and tried to protest. She said he told her, 
“Stop it, bitch.” 

“I thought he was g 
she said to the court. 

When she'd confronted him, told him 
that what had just happened was rape, 
he said, “No one will believe you.” But 
police and prosecutors did. Wrote Time, 
“Perhaps it was the bruises on her legs, 
or the instincts of the investigators who 
found her, panicked and shaking, curled 
up in the fetal position on a couch; or 
the lie-detector tests she passed.” 

J'accuse. During her last minutes on 
the stand, the woman pointed at Smith: 


g to kill me," 


148 “What he did to me was wrong.” 


She told Smith's 
ent raped me.” 

Smith did not deny that sexual inter- 
course had taken place on the lawn. 
Smith and his accuser had met, then 
kissed in her car, where she had re- 
moved her shoes and pantyhose. They 
had had sex twice. When he ejaculated, 
her mood had changed, as she suddenly 
feared pregnancy. She had asked if she 
could come in the house. Smith told ber 
it was late, explaining, "I'm tired, I'm 
going to bed.” 

Rebuffed, she confronted him in the 
house. They argued over the meaning 
of the sexual encounter that had taken 
place. 

She said, “Michael, you raped me.” 

He said, “I didn't rape you, and my 
name’s not Michael.” 

The prosecutor scoffed at Smith's de- 
scription. “Well, Mr. Smith, what are 
you? Some kind of sex machine?” 

The prosecutor lined up three of 
Smith’s female acquaintances who had 
undergone similar experiences, mo- 
ments of trust that turned into wrestling 
matches. Smith had forced himself on 
one of them, holding her down with his 
full weight, releasing her only after she 
struggled and protested. The judge 
ruled the testimony inadmissible, be- 
cause the jury would not hear about the 
victim's past (which included three abor- 
tions and childhood sexual abuse). 

The jury deliberated for 77 minutes. 
William Kennedy Smith, they said, was 
not guilty of rape. 

Harry Stein, writing in PLAYBOY, not- 
ed: “The central question was not wheth- 
er the sex on the Kennedy lawn had 
been strictly consensual, but what the 
hell was Bowman doing there at 3:30 in 
the morning if she didnt expect some- 
thing to happen.” 


lawyer, “Sir, your dli- 


THE EPIDEMIC 


The confusion about real sex was mir- 
rored in the debate about unwanted se: 
A Time story asked, “When is it rape?” 
According to Time, women consider date 
rape to be “the hidden crime; men com- 
plain it is hard to prevent a cri 
can't define. Women say it 
riously; men say it is a concept 


nvented 
by women who like to tease but not take 
the consequences. Women say the date 


rape debate is the first time the nation 
has talked frankly about sex; men say 
itis women's unconscious reaction to 
the excesses of the Sexual Revolution. 
Meanwhile, men and women argue 
among themselves about the gray area 
that surrounds the whole murky arena 
of sexual relations, and there is no con- 
sensus in sight." 

At colleges across America posters cov. 
ered walls: DATE RAPE IS VIOLENCE, NOT A 
DIFFERENCE OF OPINION 

WHEN DOES A DATE BECOME A CRIME? 
asked a poster put out by the Santa Mon- 
ica Hospital Rape Treatment Center. “It 


happens when a man forces a woman to 
have sex against her will. And even when 
it involves college students, it's still con- 
lered a criminal offense. A felony. Pun- 
ishable by prison. So if you want to keep 
a good time from turning into a bad one, 
try to keep this in mind. When does a 
date become a crime? When she says 
‘No’ and he refuses to listen. Against her 
will is against the law.” 

In 1985 Ms. magazine published the 
Project on Campus Sexual Assault. Re- 
searcher Mary Koss found that “one in 
four women had reported having been 
the victim of rape or attempted rape, 
sually by an acquaintance.” Koss ap- 
peared to have a figure for every sexual 
outrage: 

© 53.7 percent of women revealed 
some form of sexual victimization. 

е 11.9 percent had experienced sexu- 
al coercion. 

* 12.1 percent had experienced at- 
tempted rape. 

* 15.4 percent had experienced rape. 

Koss’ claim of “one in four” became 
a rallying cry for Take Back the Night 
marches. The last statistic became a post- 
er: “Think of the six women closest to 
you. Now guess which one will be raped 
this year.” 

Men were predators; wome: 
At Brown University, feminist students 
printed a list of names of students ac- 
cused of rape. Guerrilla graffiti squads 
created castration hit lists—students 
deemed too aggressive on dates. If Su- 
san Brownmiller had said in her 1975 
book, Against Our Wilt: Men, Women and 
Rape, that rape iothing more or less 
than a conscious process of intimidation, 
by which all men keep all women in a 
state of fear,” then the date rape propa- 
ganda was the reverse, the attempt to in- 
timidate all men. 

Schools created rape crisis centers and 
conducted date rape awareness seminars 
for incoming students. Stephanie Gut- 
mann, writing in Reason and in PLAVBOY, 
was one of the first journalists to ques- 
tion the wave of hysteria. Noting that 
there had been 70 mentions of date rape 
or acquaintance rape in The New York 
Times in the previous ten years, she 
charted how the most toxic word in the 
language had been stretched to cover all 
male behavior. 
ining guide for Swarthmore 
College's Acquaintance Rape Prevention 
Workshop stated: "Acquaintance rape 
spans a spectrum of incidents and be- 
haviors, ranging from crimes legally de- 
fined as rape to verbal harassment and 
nappropriate innuendo.” 

Dr. Andrea Parrot of Cornell Unive 
ty had an equally broad definition: “Any 
sexual intercourse without mutual de- 
e is a form of rape." 

The mainstream media spread the 
slander. Newsweek wrote of colleges work- 
ing “to solve—and stop—a shockingly 
frequent, often hidden outrage.” The 


victims. 


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TIME CAPSULE 


RAW 


FIRST APPEARANCES 


Norplant. NC-17. Iron John. Same- 
sex marriage. Men Are From Mars, Women 
Are From Venus. World Wide Web. Net- 
scape. Yahoo. Amazon.com. Playboy. 
com. Hubble Space Telescope. DVD. Tae- 
Bo. Harvesting sperm. Dream Team. 
First female Attorney General. First fe- 
male Secretary of State. Female condom. 
Morning-after pill. Protease inhibitor 
cocktails. Viagra. Women in combat. The 
Vagina Monologues. 

WHO'S HOT 

Bill Clinton. Monica Lewinsky. Bill 
Gates. Helen Hunt. Jack Nicholson. Har- 
rison Ford. Bruce Willis. Madonna. De- 
mi Moore. Tom Hanks. Tom Cruise. Ni- 
cole Kidman. Cindy Crawford. Katarina 
Witt. Pamela Anderson. Jenny McCar- 
thy. Neve Campbell. Jay Leno. Hef. Xe- 
na, Calista Flockhart. Jennifer Lopez. 
Liv Tyler. Steven Spielberg. George Lu- 
cas. Drew Barrymore. Cameron Diaz 
Jim Carrey. Matt Damon. Ben Affleck. 
Beastie Boys. Spice Girls. Seinfeld. Will 
Smith. Adam Sandler. Mel Gibson. Janet 
Jackson. Courtney Love. Leonardo Di- 
Caprio. George Clooney. Kevin Costner. 
Lauryn Hill. Camille Paglia. Princess Di. 
Evander Holyfield. Oscar De La Hoya. 
Michael Jordan. Dennis Rodman. Mark 
McGwire. Sammy Sosa. 


WHO'S CAUGHT 


Pee-wee Herman. Hugh Grant. Eddie 
Murphy. George Michael. Frank Gifford. 
Магу Albert. Charlie Sheen. Bob Liv- 
ingston, Bob Barr. Helen Chenoweth. 
Henry Hyde. Bill Clinton. 


CANDID CAMERA 


Rob Lowe. Pamela Anderson. Tommy 
Lee. Tonya Harding. 
WE THE PEOPLE 
U.S. population in 1990: 250 million. 
Population in 1999: 271 million. Percent 
of MBAs received by women in 1970: 4. 
Percent by 1999: almost 40. Percent of 
law degrees received by women in 1970: 
5. Percent by 1999: 40. Percent of senior 
managers at Fortune 1000 industrial 
and Fortune 500 service companies in 
1995 who were women: 5. In 1998, 
amount paid by Mitsubishi Motors to 
women on assembly line to settle sexual 
harassment suits: $34 million. 


FAMILY VALUES 
In 1970, percentage of U.S. house- 


180 holds occupied by traditional family б.е, 


married couple with kids): 40. In 1998, 
percentage of U.S. households occupied 
by traditional family: 25. In 1970, per- 
centage of U.S. households occupied by 
unrelated roommates (including gay cou- 
ples and unmarried heterosexuals living 
together): 2. In 1998, percentage of 
households occupied by roommates: 5. 


VIAGRA 


Estimated number of Viagra prescrip- 
tions filled in eight months (1998): near- 
ly 4 million. Number of men who died 
after taking Viagra during first four 
months it was on market: 69. Amount 
received by the Department of Defense 


Dolly the clone: Who needs sex? 


to provide Viagra to mili 
$50 million. 
QUEER STUDIES 

Date of first American academic con- 
ference on gay and lesbian studies: 1987. 
Number of participants: 200. Number of 
participants in 1992: 2000. Number of 
papers presented: 200. 


THE STARR REPORT 


Number of pages in the Starr report: 
445. Number of words: 119,059. Num- 
ber of times oral sex is mentioned: 92. 
Number of times breasts are mentioned: 
62. Number of times the word geni 
is used: 39. Number of references to 
phone sex: 29. Number of times cigar is 
mentioned: 27. Number of times semen 
is mentioned: 19. Number of times bra is 
mentioned: 8. Number of times thong is 
mentioned: 


ry personnel: 


DATA FROM THE NINETIES 


MONEY MATTERS. 


Gross national product in 1990: $5.6 
trillion. Gross national product in 1998: 
$8.5 trillion. National debt in 1990: $3.2 
trillion. National surplus for fiscal year 
ending Sept. 30, 1998: $69 billion. 


THAT'S ENTERTAINMENT 


Amount of money grossed in the U.S. 
by the film Titanic: $610 million. Num- 
ber of hits on Playboy's free website per 
day: 5 million. Number of hard-core vid- 
eos produced іп 1996: 8000. Number of 
new X-rated titles per week: 150. Num- 
ber of X-rated rentals in 1985: 75 mil- 
lion. In 1996: 665 million. 

Number of Americans who engage 
in commercial phone sex each night: 
250,000. Length of typical call in min- 
utcs: 6 to 8. Amount Amcricans spent 
on phone sex in 1996: $750 million to 
$1 billion. Total amount that Americans 
spent on hard-core videos, реер shows, 
live sex acts, adult cable programming, 
sexual devices, computer porn and sex 
magazines in 1996: $8 billion. 


IS IT SEX? 


How Merriam-Webster's defines "sex 
act": sexual intercourse. How it defines 
"sexual relations": coitus. How it defines 
"coitus": "physical union of male and fe- 
male genitalia accompanied by rhythmic 
movements leading to the ejaculation of 
semen from the penis into the female re- 
productive tract; also intercourse." How 
Merriam-Webster's defines "orgasm": 

"intense or paroxysmal emotional 


an 
excitement. The climax of sexual ex- 
citement typically occurring toward the 
end of coitus; specifically, the sudden ге- 
lease of tensions developed during coi- 
tus, usually accompanied in the male by 
ejaculation." 


FINAL APPEARANCES 


1990: Greta Garbo. Paulette Goddard. 
rdner. Keith Haring. Leonard 
. Sammy Davis Jr. 1991: Frank 
s Davis. Dr. Seuss. 1992: 
ich. Alex Haley. Benny 
Hill. Sam Kinison. 1993: Thurgood 
Marshall. Myrna Loy. Lillian Gish. 
Rudolf Nureyev. Federico Fellini. Arthur 
Ashe. 1994: Richard Nixon. Jackie 
Kennedy Onassis. Gab Calloway. John 
Candy. 1995; Jonas Salk. 1996: Timothy 
Fitzgerald. 1997: Allen 
berg. William Brennan. Princess Di 
1998; Frank Sinatra. Dr. Mary Galder- 
one. 1999: Stanley Kubrick. Harry A. 
Blackmun. Mel Tormé. Shel Silverstein. 


Chicago Tribune announced: “Fear makes 
women campus prisoners.” А rape coun- 
selor told Newsweek in 1986 that acquain- 
tance rape “is the single largest problem 
оп college campuses today.” 

Gutmann did some sleuthing and dis- 
covered that during the five years prior 
to 1990, Columbia University's security 
department reported zero rapes. А year 
later, Peter Hellman, a writer for New 
York magazine, rechecked the figures. At 
Barnard College, not one of the school's 
2200 students had reported a rape in 
1991. At Columbia, there were just two 
rape accusations for a student body of al- 
most 20,000. Neither of the charges held 
up under investigation. One of the vic- 
tims said her attacker had just pushed 
her onto a bed. The rape crisis centers 
stood empty. Hellman found one center 
that had treated just 79 clients, only 10 
percent of whom were the victims of re- 
cent assaults. 

And yet the rallies continued, with 
date rape martyrs recounting their sexu- 
al abuse. One victim claimed, “I counted 
the times 1 had a penis іп me that I 
haven't wanted and fad to stop at 594.” 
Say what? 

‘The date rape pamphlets painted a 
grim and absurd picture of fractured 
courtship. "Remember," warned the sex 
ed pamphlet from the Santa Monica 
Hospital's Rape Treatment Center, "that 
some men think that drinking heavily, 
dressing provocativcly and going to a 
man's room indicates a willingness to 
have sex." 

Well. yes. And the advice to men was 
equally befuddling: “Don't assume that 
just because a woman has had sex with 
you previously she is willing to have sex 
with you again. Also don't assume that 
just because a woman consents to kissing 
or other sexual intimacies she is willing 
to have sexual intercourse.” 

‘The codes seemed bent on breaking 
the momentum of courtship, on hob- 
bling desire. When Antioch University 
created а code that required students to 
have explicit verbal permission for each 
“escalating sexual act,” howls of laughter 
could be heard as far as Washington. “If 
you want to take her blouse off, you have 
to ask. If you want to touch her breasts, 
you have to ask.” Columnist George Will 
described it as the legislation of sexual 
style by committee. 

“The Antioch code sounded like a cross 
between the adolescent game Mother 
May I and the script for a dominance 
and submission fantasy: Mistress Мау 1. 
It assumed that the man always makes 
the first move, that a woman never 
reaches a hand down the front of a 
man’s jeans, or ties him to a bed and 
reads him poems by Emily Dickinson. 

Besides, there was plenty of evidence 
that the so-called victims of date rape 
didn't view themselves as victims. Some 
43 percent of the women classified as 
rape victims in the Ms. study hadn't re- 


alized they had been raped. A similar 
study by Sarah Murnen, Annette Perot 
and Donn Byrne questioned 130 women 
about “their most recent encounter with 
unwanted sexual activity.” The research- 
ers said 55.3 percent of the women felt 
that they had been subjected to unwant- 
ed sex. Although the study had a bias 
(the authors’ report of the survey called 
males “coercers,” sexual initiative an “at- 
tack" and any act of unwanted inter- 
course “таре”), the students held a dif- 
ferent view. The vast majority said they 
had had moderate to total control of the 
situation. Half had subsequent contact 
with the so-called attacker. None had re- 
ported the “attack,” said the authors, 
“due to a belief that the event was not 
important.” 

Katie Roiphe, a graduate student at 
Princeton, looked at the controversy and 
concluded, in The New York Times, “These 
pamphlets are clearly intended to pro- 
tect innocent college women from the in- 
satiable force of male desire. We have 
been hearing about this for centuries 
He is still nearly uncontrollable; she is 
still the one drawing the line. This so- 
called feminist movement peddles an 
image of gender relations that denies 
female desire and infantilizes women. 
Once again, our bodies seem to be sa- 
cred vessels. We've come a long way, and 
now, it seems, we are going back.” 

She continued, “The date rape pam- 
phiets begin to sound like Victorian 
guides to conduct. The most common 
date rape guide, published by the Amer- 
ican College Health Association, advis- 
es its delicate readers to ‘communicate 
your limits clearly. If someone starts to 


offend you, tell him firmly and early" 
“Sharing these assumptions about fe- 
male sensibilities, a manners guide from 
1853 advises young women, “Во not suf- 
fer your body to be held or squeezed 
without showing that it displeases you 
by instantly withdrawing it. These and 
many other little points of refinement 
will operate as an almost invisible 
though a very impenetrable fence, keep- 
ing off vulgar familiarity and that dese- 
cration of the person which has so often 
led to vice.’ And so ideals of female virtue 
and repression resonate through time.” 


CRY VICTIM 


Rush Limbaugh, a conservative talk 
radio host, began to call the radical sis- 
terhood ^feminazis." The antimale poli- 
tics of activists on campus and in the 
workplace drove a wedge between men 
and women, and even divided femi 
The philosophy that all men are rz 
justified increasingly bizarre p 
dramas. 

In the early hours of June 23, 1993 
Lorena Bobbitt took an eight-inch carv- 
ing knife and cut off her sleeping hus- 
band's penis. As she drove away from 
their home, she tossed the severed organ 
into а field. She told police that her hus- 
band had raped her, adding, "He always 
has an orgasm and he doesn't wait for 
me to have an orgasm. He's selfish." 

Police launched a search for the miss- 
ing organ, Found it and dropped it into 
a plastic bag. Nine hours later, John 
Wayne Bobbitt was almost whole again. 
he story made The New York Times, 
ially as a medical miracle. The article 
detailed how surgeous had successfully 


"One thing I've learned is don't make your Christmas 
card list too early." 


151 


PLAYBOY 


152 «омы mjunes 


tached a severed penis, tagging indi- 
idual blood vessels, arteries and nerves 
with sutures. 

But the real story soon became a rally- 
ing cry for radical feminists. Lorena was 
photographed waiflike in a swimming 
pool for the November 1993 Vanity Fair. 
A new heroine? A role model? Lorena 
was a woman pushed to the edge: “I re- 
member many things,” she told Vanity 
Fair. “1 was thinking many things. I was 
thinking the first time he hit me. I was 
thinking when he raped me. I just want- 
ed him to disappear. 1 just wanted him to 
leave me alone, to leave my life alone. І 
don't want to see him anymore.” 

Some women told the surgeon's wife 
they were upset that Lorena had not 
tossed the male organ down the garbage 
posal. Lorena was acquitted of the 
charge of “malicious wounding.” 

John Wayne Bobbitt took his story оп 
the road, appearing as a guest on How- 
ard Stern's 1994 New Year's Eve pay- 
per-view special and selling T-shirts de- 
picting a knife-wielding woman and the 
words LOVE HURTS. He marketed a line of 
penis protectors and starred in the porn 
film John Wayne Bobbitt: Uncut—which 
had all the morbid appeal of a driver's 
ed film showing accident victims. 


FATAL FEMMES 


Hollywood capitalized on the decade’s 
antimale theme with a series of movies 
such as Sleeping With the Enemy (1991) 
and La Femme Nikita (1990), which sug- 
gested that women would find equali 
in the Second Amendment through the 
judicious use of weaponry. Women were 
‘armed and dangerous. 

Thelma and Louise were the ultimate 
male-bashers. When Geena Davis and 
Susan Sarandon decide to take a week- 
end away from an oafish husband and 
noncommittal boyfriend, a girls’ night 
out turns into a murderous escapade. 
The pivotal scene occurs early in the 
film. A cowboy follows an intoxicated 
‘Thelma into a parking lot and forces 
himself on her. Louise pulls a gun from 
her purse. When he suggests, “Suck my 
dick,” she shoots him. 

When a redneck trucker ogles the pair, 
the assertive femmes blow up his gasoline 
tanker. Facing arrest, the two choose 
death, sending their car over the edge of 
a cliff. The movie sparked a firestorm of 
debate. Ellen Goodman called it a “PMS 
movie, plain and simple.” 

The braggadocio of the antimale fem- 
inists would surface at a University of 
Chicago Law School conference attend- 


ed by Catharine MacKinnon and Andrea 
Dworkin. Buttons declaimed: DEAD MEN 
DON'T USE PORN. THE BEST WAY TO A MAN'S 
HEART IS THROUGH HIS CHEST. Another 
button: SO MANY MEN, SO LITTLE AMMUNI- 
TION. Over a drawing of a bloodstained 
45, the words FEMININE PROTECTION. 


GRRLS 


A nervous media went looking for 
women who liked men. A February 1994 
Esquire article titled simply “Yes” pre- 
sented a lineup of young ladies who em- 
braced lust. 

Patricia Ireland, president of the Na- 
tional Organizauon for Women, sai 
"Whats going on is not your mother’s 
feminism. The young women who grew 
up in Ms. households feel the need to as- 
sert that they're not antimale, not anti 
sex, that they don't believe all sex is 
rape. But they're also nobody's victim. 
There are two parts to these young wom- 
en's view: One, they're going to enjoy 
sex; two, on their terms.” 

Esquire dubbed the new generation Do 
Me Feminists—an odd term for women 
who advocated sexual independence: 
These were women just as willing to 
strap on dildos and do you. 

Lisa Palac, the editor of Future Sex, 
a San Francisco-based magazine, ex- 
plained her politics after discovering she 
liked porn: “Even though 1 got liberat- 
ed, it’s still very complicated. I say to 
men, “ОК, pretend you're a burglar and 
you've broken in here and you throw me 
down on the bed and make me suck 
your cock" And they're horrified— 
goes against all they've recently been 
taught. "No, no, it would degrade you!" 
Exactly. Degrade me when I ask you te 

Bell Hooks, then a professor of wom- 
en's studies at Oberlin College, gave her 
guidelines for the new male. “If all we 
have to choose from is the limp dick or 
the superhard dick, we're in trouble. We 
need a versatile dick who admits that in- 
tercourse isn't all there is to sexuality, 
who can negotiate rough sex on Mon- 
day, eating pussy on Tuesday and cud- 
dling on Wednesday.” 

In the same issue, the editors of Es- 
quire threw in the towel. In an article list- 
ed under the category “Savoir Faire,” 
Susie Bright told men “How to Make 
Love to а Woman: Hands-On Advice 
From a Woman Who Dov 

As Susie Sexpert, Bright had written 
the advice column for On Our Backs. 
Now, she proposed a quickie book on 
How to Pick Up Girls Using the Real-Live 
Dyke Method. Among her suggestions 


was the Look. 

“Because, for humans, it all begins 
with secing. Look at her. All over. Linger 
anywhere you like. When she notices 
(and she will if you're really looking), 
hold her eyes with yours. Hold them 
close. Every second will feel like a min- 
ute. You'll be tempted to avert your 
gaze, but don't, This is the essence of 
cruising, the experience that all the vir- 
tual reality and phone sex in the world 
will never replace. It is also the moment 
of truth: You'll know then and there 
whether she wants you or not. 

“If she doesn't, she'll complain to her 
friends about how you objectified and 
degraded her, but ignore all that crap. 
Calling a man a sexist interloper is | 
a trendy way of expressing an old-fash- 
ioned sentiment: “He's not my type.” 

She warned men not to confuse girl 
watching (checking out every passing 
chick) with looking ("to exercise the pow- 
er of vision”). 

Bright also revealed the secret of 
the Touch: “Lesbians too have probing, 
yearning, insistent sex organs. We call 
them hands. And if you have not had 
the pleasure of taking а woman in your 
hands—your thumb parting her mouth, 
your fingers tracing her ears, your hand 
curled up inside her—you are missing 
some of the finer points of ecstasy.” At 
the turn of the century, Ida Craddock 
had insisted, in a suppressed sex manu- 
al, that the proper finger of love was the 
male organ. Now we learned that the 
proper linger of love was, well, the fin- 
ger—if not the whole hand. 

Bright edited a series of feminist porn 
stories called Herotica and Herotica II. 
Male authors such as Norman Mailer, 
Philip Roth and John Updike had liber- 
ated sexual language in the Sixties; now 
it was time for female writers to develop 
xual е. The factor that distin- 
shes feminist porn from male erotica 
"The woman 
" In male-centered stories, “we 
read about how he sees her respond- 
ing to him, but we don't see inside her 
explosion." 

Ms. feminists would have us believe 
that women needed protection from sex. 
Women authors suggested otherwise. A 

AvBoY review, Clit Lit 101, gave this 
assessment: “The heroines make love 
in oceans, lakes, rivers and swimming 
pools, in the back of pickups, on trains, 
in buses, bent over tires in gas stations, 
handcuffed to beds, on top of tables 
and desks, on beaches, in cli le tents, 
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couches and, oh yes, occasionally in bed. 
They have out-of-body sexual experi- 
ences with the ghosts of dead lovers and 
enjoy the attention of extraterrestrials 
in off-planet brothels. They mate 

beams of sunshine and with shapes of 
glowing light that rise from the depths of 
summer ponds. They use feathers and 
nightsticks, lotions and leather. They 
fuck potters, cowboys, motorcycle cops, 
young boys, ocean waves, strangers, dil- 
dos, dykes, vibrators and their own fin- 


gers.” Women in the Nineties delighted 
in transgressing boundaries, real and 
imagined. 


Women charted their own arousal. A 
character in Susanna Moore's In the Cut 
complained, “1 can remember every 
man 1 ever fucked by the way he liked to 
do it, not the way I liked to do it.” If 
reading is thinking with another man's 
brain, reading feminist porn was fecling 
with another gender's body. 

Female rebels rocked America. Girls 
who had grown up watching Madonna 
grab her crotch in concerts now listened 
to Liz Phair sing about things unpure 
and unchaste, about wanung to fuck her 
boyfriend like a dog, to fuck him till his 
dick turns blue, to be his blow job queen 
Alanis Morisseue topped the charts by 
taunting a former boyfriend about his 
new lover: "Is she perverted like me? 
Would she go down on you in a theater?” 

Madonna published her own collec- 
tion of erotica—a portfolio of nudes and 
S&M shots stitched together with short 
fantasies—bound in aluminum and 
sealed in mylar. Called Sex, it was a world 
event—mocked in monologs on late- 
night television, but a major success. Ata 
Chicago conference of radical feminists, 
antiporn activist Nikki Craft led a mob 
action, tearing to shreds the pages of Sex. 


LESBIAN CHIC 


Decades of propaganda had tarred 
and feathered male sexuality and, in- 
deed, most heterosexuality. The only 
sexual activity that was not villainous was 
lesbian love. 

Looking for something to celebrate, 
the national media focused on fabulous 
femmes. Madonna and Sandra Вегп- 
hard flaunted their relationship at the 
end of the Eighties. Singer K.D. Lang ap- 
peared on the cover of the August 1993 
Vanity Fair—geuing a close shave from 
supermodel Cindy Crawford. 

Lesbians had their own clubs, their 
own conferences. (Some 500 lesbians 
turned out for LUST [Lesbians Undoing 
Sexual Taboos] at the NYU Law School 
іп 1992. Included was a workshop titled 
“Toys R Us: Ropes, Whips and Dicks.”) 

Gay characters appeared in movies 
(Go Fish and Boys on the Side) and on tele- 
vision—Roseanne, Married With Children 
and Friends. When Ellen DeGeneres, star 


- of Ellen, told the world she was gay, 


Reverend Jerry Falwell called her “Ellen 


154 DeGenerate.” Singer Melissa Etheridge 


and Julie Cypher appeared on the cover 
of Newsweek to announce to the world: 
“We're Having a Baby.” 


BISEXUAL CHIC 


The boundaries between sexual roles 
continued to dissolve. In L995 a Har- 
vard professor released a 600-page cele- 
bration of Vice Versa: Bisexuality and the 
Eroticism of Everyday Life. Marjorie Gar- 
ber argued that most people would be 
bisexual if not for “repression, religion, 
repugnance, denial [and] premature 
specialization.” 

Heterosexuality and monogamy—re- 
duced to the “premature specialization. 
What's your sexual major? I haven't de- 
cided yet. Garber wondered if bisexu- 
ality was merely the badge of the non- 
conformist: “Is sexuality a fashion—like 
platform shoes, bell-bottom trousers or 
double-breasted suits—that appears and 
then disappears, goes underground only 
to be revived with a difference? Do we 
need to keep forgetting bisexuality i in or- 
der to remember and rediscover 

She resurrected the century's sexual 
celebrities (Jagger, Bowie, Marlene Die- 
trich, Oscar Wilde, James Dean, Madon- 
na) and concluded that sex was a perfor- 
mance art. “Celebrities do constantly 
reinvent themselves,” she wrote. “Onc of 
the ways in which they have done this is 
by renegotiating and reconfiguring not 
only their clothes, their bodi 
hair, but also their sexual 
spoke of a sex star's ability “to shock and 
give pleasure" as an art 

Newsweek described bisexuality as “the 
wild card of our erotic life” and profiled 
young couples who proclaimed, “Sexu- 
ality is fluid. There is no such thing as 
normal.” 

Michael Stipe, lead singer for R.E.M., 
contessed, “I've always been sexually 
ambiguous in terms of my proclivities. I 
think labels are for food.” 

Another said simply, "I don't desire а 
gender. I desire a person.” 

In 1998 a former porn star named An- 
піс Sprinkle toured the country with an 
evening of performance art called Annie 
Sprinkle’s Herstory of Porn: From Reel 
to Real. The veteran of 95 years of X-rat- 
ed self-expression, she played a visual 
record of her past, of her skill in the art 
of shock and pleasure. In the Seventies 
she had been a child of the countercul- 
ture, performing fellatio and group sex 
in film after film. She had become fa- 
mous as the woman who would do any- 
thing—she had sex with vegetables, sex 
with amputees, golden showers, bond- 
age, S&M, sex with postop transsexuals. 
In 1976, she was arrested for 
the infamous crime against natur 
explained Annie, “Nature didn’t mind.” 

In the Eighties she abandoned het- 
erosexual porn for films that celebrate 
sluts and goddesses. One clip shows an 
arm buried almost to the elbow, one 
woman giving another a G-spot orgasm. 


Sprinkle had moved into New Age sex. 
finding the goddess within through ex- 
tended, vibrator-assisted orgasms. In 
one era she had turned to live shows in 
which she inserted a speculum and in- 
vited audience members to look at her 
cervix. By the time of her 1998 tour, she 
had discovered the Internet. Those of 
you, she said, “who missed it, don't de- 
spair—you can still see my cervix on my 
website.’ 

Now she produced her own films, con- 
duding the show with a dip devoted to 
mermaid sex. Attired in fins, Annic and 
a young woman have a ménage à trois 
with a male. The scene, which seemed to 
suggest a return to heterosexuality, cli- 
maxed with the removal of the male's 
penis, revealing it to be a dildo. 

In the question-and-answer session 
following the performance, an audience 
member asked Annie, "Of all the faces 
we've seen, which was your true self?" 

It was a question that, as we approach 
the end of the century, many Americans 
could ask of themselves. 


STUDENT SEX 


"The generation that came of age in the 
Nineties received mixed messages about 
pleasure. For them, sex education was 
AIDS education. They Ісагпса not about 
the birds and the bees, but the stark mes- 
sage: Sex can kill you. When Magic John- 
son announced on November 7, 1991 
that he had contracted HIV, the message 
seemed to be: It can happen to anyone. 
In Last Night in Paradise, Katie Roiphe re- 
counted growing up with the object les- 
son of Alison Gertz, the girl next door 
who contracted AIDS from a one-night 
stand with a bisexual bartender from 
Studio 54. Gertz had become the post- 
er child for heterosexual transmission, 
wrote Roiphe, proof that “it takes only 
one night with the wrong man.” 

‘The Religious Right advocated absti- 
nence ed and condemned safe sex cam- 
paigns that stressed condom use. When 
the Frec Congress Foundation declared 
that condoms do not protect one from 
AIDS, Dr. Ronald Carey at the FDA 
pointed out that even the worst-quality 
condom is 10,000 times better in terms 
of reducing exposure to HIV than un- 
protected sex. Ira Reiss, co-author of An 
End to Shame: Shaping Our Next Sexual 
Revolution, put it bluntly: “We can no 
more assume that every believer in absti- 
nence invariably abstains from sex any 
more than we can assume that every 
condom user will have perfect condoms 
and be a perfect user. When one makes 
an unbiased comparison of promoting 
abstinence versus promoting condom 
use the results are obvious. Vows of ab- 
stinence break far more casily than do 
condoms.” 

When a psychologist asked Surgeon 
General Joycelyn Elders if she would 
consider promoting masturbation to dis- 
courage children from trying all-out sex, 


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she replied, "With regard to masturba- 
tion, I think that is something that is 
a part of human sexuality and a part 
of something that perbaps should be 
taught." 

An outspoken woman, Elders had fa- 
vored giving condoms to public school 
students, (^ Well, I'm not going to put 
them on their lunch trays, but yes.") In 
earlier years, asa state health official, she 
had kept condoms as a desk ornament 
labeled "Ozark Rubber Plant." 

Rush Limbaugh labeled her the con- 
dom queen. The Traditional Values Co- 
alition, claiming to represent 31,000 
churches, condemned her for her “mali- 
cious attacks on heterosexuals and Chris- 
tians" and urged her resignation. On De- 
cember 9, 1994, she stepped down. 


But a generation that watched its el- 
ders bicker about sex had also grown 
up watching Madonna. Girls bought the 
lingerie they wore under or over their 
prom dresses at Victoria's Secret. They'd 
grown up in a world where sex was not 
a mystery, but was visible, explicit and 
sophisticated. 

In 1996 PLAYBOY commissioned a sur- 
vey of a dozen colleges. Two years later, 
the magazine went back for a second 
look. The two surveys present a snap- 
shot of a generation that had grown up 
in the shadow of AIDS and in the dim 
blue light of MTV. The surveys found 
that students had incorporated both 
caution and creativity. In 1996, almost 
half the men and women had mastur- 
bated in front of one another—some- 
times because they didn’t have condoms, 
sometimes as a stand-in for intercourse, 
sometimes as a hot form of hooking up. 
More than two thirds had performed 
phone sex. 

The learning curve was immediate: 
Approximately a third of the students 
had tried bondage and spanking, one in 
five had used a blindfold during sex or 
posed nude for a lover. More than half of 
the males and four out of ten girls had 
had sex in the presence of other people 
The vast majority had watched X-rated 
videos, many with a partner. 

Students had created a new permis- 
sion, a kind of double-entry bookkeep- 
ing. Approximately half said that oral 
sex was not real sex, three rs said 
they hadn't included in their list of lov- 
ers those partners with whom they had 
had only oral sex. 

The survey uncovered a haphazard 
approach to sex: Almost half of the stu 
dents had not—on the night they lost 
their virginity—expected to have sex 
Sex, sometimes, just happened. 

The lesson they had learned was that 
intercourse was OK—as long as you 
used a condom. In the first survey more 
than a third of the students had taken an 
AIDS test. A few years later the figure 


dropped to nearly one ош of four. The 
test was a way of admitting they had 
made a sexual mistake or of assuaging 
panic. Or it was а ritual of purification 
with a new partner, one that would allow 
them to enjoy naked sex. 

The survey in 1998 also found that 15 
percent of college students chose to re- 
main virgins, Admittedly, the definition 
of virgin meant only that you had not 
had intercourse. Even technical virgins 
experimented with touching, kissing 
and extreme fondling. But sexual au- 
tonomy—defined by the right to say 
no—became a central issue. 

The cult of virginity recruited its ranks 
from high schools. True Love Waits 
asked teenagers to take a pledge: “Be- 
lieving that true love waits, I make a 
commitment to God, myself, my family, 
my friends, my future mate and my fu- 
ture children to be sexually abstinent 
from this day until the day 1 enter a bib- 
lical marriage relationship.” 

In 1996 the movement held a rally in 
Georgia during which teens took the 
chastity oath and strung 350,000 pledge 
cards from the ceiling. Virgins carried 
picket signs that declared: DO Your HOME 
WORK, NOT YOUR GIRLFRIEND. SAVE SEX, NOT 
SAFE SEX 

In an even 


organized by the Pure 
Love Alliance, some 500 virgins actually 
marched on Washington in 1994, stak- 
ing their pledges on the Mall and urg 
ing passersby to “honk for purity.” The 
media created the concept of Virginity 
Chic, rolling out such celebrity virgins as 
singer Juliana Hatfield, actresses Tori 
Spelling and Cassidy Rae and MTV vee- 
jay Kennedy. 


CENSORSHIP 


How to protect all these virgins, that 
was the question. The answer was more 
than a century old, The Religious Right 
continued its crusade against indecency 
Their first target was As Nasty as They 
Wanna Be, a rap album by 2 Live Crew 
James Dobson's Focus on the Family 
alerted followers that “there has never 
been an album recorded in our nation's 
history for sale to the public with this lev 
el of explicit sex and degradation. There 
are 87 descriptions of oral sex, 116 men- 
tions of male and female genitalia and 
other lyrical passages referring to male 
ejaculation.” 

In Florida a born-again lawyer named 
Jack Thompson copied the lyrics to As 
Nasty as They Wanna Be and sent them 
to lawmakers and sheriffs’ departments 
around the state. Parroting radical femi- 
nist rhetoric, he claimed, “These guys 
out promoting the idea that women 
there for nothing but to satisfy men's 
desires. This stuff make: 
that women will be abused. 

U.S District Judge Jose Gonzalez lis- 
tened to the album and declared the 
opus obscene. Songs like Me So Horny 
appealed “to dirty thoughts and the 


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loins, not to the intellect and the mind.” 

Sheriff's deputies in Broward Coun- 
ty tape-recorded a 2 Live Crew concert 
at a nightclub in Hollywood, Florida 
and arrested rappers Luther Campbell, 
Mark "Brother Marquis" Ross and Chris 
“Fresh Kid Ice" Wongwon for obscenity. 

Moving on a second front, police 
also arrested Charles Freeman, a record 
store owner, for selling As Nasty as They 
Wanna Be. 

The 2 Live Crew trial was a farce; the 
jury laughed out loud at the tapes of the 
performance and acquitted the rappers. 
A second jury found Freeman guilty of 
selling obscenity. Freeman was fined 
$1000 plus court costs and his lawyer 
said Freeman would appeal. The album 
sold more than two million copies. 

State legislators introduced labeling 
bills that would require record compa- 
nies to issue parental advisories for ex- 
plicit lyrics that describe or advocate 
“suicide, incest, bestiality, sadomasoch- 
ism, sexual activity in a violent context, 
murder, morbid violence or illegal use of 


drugs or alcohol." 

Fundamentalists and feminists began 
to launch attacks against shock jock 
Howard Stern. Stern was the bad boy 
of radio, whose shows included seg- 
ments called “The Adventures of Fart- 
man,” “Lesbian Dial-a-Date,” “Bestiality 
Dial-a-Date” and “Sexual Innuendo 
Wednesday.” 

Stern had a menagerie of guests, from 
a guy named Vinnie (who volunteered 
to put his penis in a mousetrap) to a guy 
who played piano with his penis (that 
last bit earned Stern a $6000 FCC fine). 
Stern talked about diminutive testicles 
and having sex with Lamb Chop. In 
1991 a series of bits that involved ger- 
bils, Pee-wee Herman's legal problems 
and Aunt Jemima resulted in a record 
$600,000 fine. A sample of the offending 
remarks: "The closest I ever came to 
making love to a black woman was mas- 
turbating to a picture of Aunt Jemima on 
a pancake box.” Stern called the FCC 
“thought police” and continued. Bits on 
television celebrity Kathie Lee Gifford, 


“Coach, Ahmed says he’s not comfortable catching 
Hail Mary passes.” 


toilet habits and church scandal hero- 
ine Jessica Hahn earned a $500,000 fine 
An on-air analysis of lubricants, but- 
tocks, sexual aids and panties brought a 
$400,000 fine. 

The Reverend Donald Wildmon, 
head of the American Family Associ- 
ation, led a crusade against Stern, and 
the National Organization for Women 
threatened a boycott when Stern moved 
to cable television. 

In 1995 Stern faced almost $2 million 
in fines. It was not ший Wildmon pres- 
sured the FCC to deny Infinity Broad- 
casting's right to acquire new stations 
that Stern's employers paid the fines, 
making a “voluntary contribution” to the 
Treasury Department of $1.7 million. It 
was simply the cost of doing business. 
Stern generated $15 million for Infinity 
іп 1993. from which he tock $7 million in 
salary. Infinity earned $8 million a year. 


The most disturbing antisex crusade 
erupted in Cincinnati, home of Charles 
Keating's Citizens for Decent Literature. 
Sheriff Simon Leis had conducted an at- 
tack on pornography, closing 11 adult 
bookstores, five adult movie houses and a 
massage parlor over six years. Leis had 
hounded not only peep shows and nude 
dancing bars, but also kept Vixen, Last 
Tango in Paris and Martin Scorsese's The 
Last Temptation of Christ from corrupting 
the citizens of | nati. 

The Religious Right saw the opportu- 
nity to lay siege to the hallowed ground 
of high culture. Al Goldstein, publish- 
er of Screw, used to defend the news- 
stands as art museums for the blue-collar 
crowd. Cleaning up newsstands was not 
enough—the Religious Right wanted to 
eliminate sex from the fine arts as well. 

In April 1990 Cincinnati's Contempo- 
rary Arts Genter put on an exhibit of 175 
photographs by Robert Mapplethorpe. 
Mapplethorpe, who died of AIDS in 
1989, had documented his sexual sub- 
culture. The exhibit included floral still 
lifes, portraits, male nudes and photos 
with sadomasochistic and homoerotic 
themes. One part of the exhibit asked 
viewers to compare the sex organs of 
flowers with those of gay males. The ex- 
hibit had toured Chicago, Berkeley and 
Hartford without incident. 

Senator Jesse Helms (R-N.C.) con- 
demned the photos on the floor of Con- 
gress. In an act of political cowardice, 
Washington's Corcoran Gallery of Art 
canceled the exhibition. 

On opening day, Cincinnati police 
shut the doors of the CAC, videotaped 
the photographs and served an indict- 
ctor Dennis Barrie 
"and for "using 
lated material. 

Гһе muscum remained open. Some 
81,000 citizens lined up to see the now 
infamous photos—including five shots 
that detailed fisting, golden showers and 


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anal insertion of different objects, as well 
as two shots that showed a nude boy ona 
chair and a little girl whose lifted skirt 
exposed her genitals. 

The prosecution brought in Judith 
Reisman, the former songwriter for Cap- 
tain Kangaroo turned antiporn expert. 
She told the jury to look at how the 
child's legs come together in a triangle, 
calling attention to the genitals in a lewd 
and lascivious manner. She invoked the 
specter of child molesters. “By placing 
images of children that are focused on 
the genitals, that have been sexualized, 
whose sex organs are clearly visible on 
the walls of our museums, what we are 
doing is legitimizing the public display of 
the photograph. And I think you are 
then putting at risk additional children.” 

Lou Sirkin, lawyer for the CAC and 
for Barrie, challenged the jury. “If you 
think those pictures are frightening or 
that they are a lewd exhibition that con- 
centrates on the genitals of those chil- 
dren, that they are anything more than 
the display of moral innocence, 1 don't 
believe the people of this city have that 
kind of evil eye. If you take things and 
try to turn them the way the state wants 
you to do, the way Judith Reisman wants 
you to do, you turn something human 
into something dirty and ugly. The hu- 
man body is not ugly. It is ugly only if 
you try to make it that way.” 

On October 5, 1990 a jury took less 
than two hours to find Barrie and the 
Contemporary Arts Center not guilty of 
all charges. On the same day, the Cin- 
cinnati Reds were playing game two of 
the National League Championship. The 
radio station broadcasting the game in- 
terrupted its coverage to announce the 
verdict. Fans gave a standing ovation. 

Conservatives thought they had found 
a political hot button. In Congress law- 
makers tried to impose sanctions on art 
grants that funded “indecent art.” The 
strategy to purify existing technolo- 
gies—radio, records and film—was noth- 
ing compared with what greeted the 
newest form of communication. 


CYBERSE: 


Boundaries disappeared via technol- 
ogy. Throughout the century, technolo- 
gy had created new avenues for lust. 
Mr. Bell's telephone let lovers create a 
sexual space in intimate conversation. A 
boyfriend's voice could enter the house 
and be heard on the pillow next to 
one's ear, without violaung community 
propriety. 

Sex drives technology. Ask the swingers 
who bought Polaroid cameras, who used 
videocassette recorders to create home 
porn theaters, who turned their own vid- 
co cams into time-shifting sex toys. And it 
was sex that sold the Internet. 

Cyberspace was an invisible, intimate 
realm that allowed free expression— 
and, even more important, the right to 
tion. Netheads flocked to 


chat rooms and newsgroups devoted to 
every aspect of sex. Like blondes? Try 
alt sex.blonde. Reading literary lust? Try 
altsex.erotica. Do you have a taste for 
whips and chains? Try alt.sex.bondage. 
The list was endless, from basics such as 
alt.sex.backrubs and alt.sex.masturba- 
tion to fringe activities on alt.sex fetish. 
diapers and alt.sex.hello-kitty. 

Matthew Childs investigated Lust On- 
line for PLAYBOY in 1994 and found the 
Nineties version of the zipless fuck, post- 
ed by a woman who called herself Sara: 
“Just as the train is about to pull out of 
the station, a young woman boards the 
car you're on. The train moves along the 
tracks and you can feel the vibrations of 
the rails. As you begin to feel hot, you 
feel your cock getting harder and you 
squirm in your seat trying to get com- 
fortable. You imagine yourself touching 
the silly fabric of her dress, realizing 
that it has fallen apart at your touch and 
that you are touching bare skin—every- 
where. Your fingers move down her 
body, absorbing the wonderful sensa- 
tions. You hear a slight moan in your ear 
as you near that part of her that is get- 
ting hot and wet." 


Was sharing fantasies а sex act? Chat 
groups debated the question. Were peo- 
ple online exchanging virtual bodily flu- 
ids? Childs concluded that modem sex 
"allows users to test-drive their fantasies 
with other people while still preserving 
their anonymity. With that facelessness 
comes the freedom to try different sexu- 
al personas." 

Putting your fantasies on public di 
play was never safer. Imaginary whips 
don't leave marks. Two individuals half a 
continent apart meet in cyberspace: 

PRIAPUS: My tongue lashes out at your 
clit, licking furiously. 

NIKKE Lick me! Hard, long, from front 
to back. 

PRIAPUS: I taste your mingled juices 
and my hand runs up and down my 
cock. Long swipes of my tongue from 
your clit back over the lips of your pussy. 

NIKKI: My lips graze your cock, lick its 
tip, taste the salt 

PRIAPUS: I thrust up my hips seeking to 
enter your mouth 

And so forth. A few rounds of this, and 
maybe, just maybe, the woman who 
typed, “Goddess, give me more” will 
give you a telephone number. 

Chat groups debated whether a par- 
ticipant in one of these fantasies was 
male or female, as though the imagined 
male or the imagined female was a Pla- 
tonic ideal of masculine or feminine. 
Without physical clues, what determines 
sexuality? There were по gender-specif- 
ic characteristics in cyberspace, no five 
o'clock shadow or high-pitched voice to 
give one away. The vision of too much 
freedom, of sex without limits, sum- 
moned the monsters. 


There was no topic too obscene or 
too boring that a million geeks couldn't 
find time to discuss it. The Internet pro- 
vided support groups for the weird. 
Stephen Bates, in an editorial for The 
Wall Street Journal, worried that the cyber 
right of free association might empower 
pedophiles 

Instead, the anonymity of the Internet 
proved a boon to police. The tactics em- 
ployed by the government were as old as 
the postal stings conducted by Anthony 
Comstock. Agents posed as young gi 
When potential pedophiles sent pornog- 
raphy to their new friends, they were ar- 
rested. When they made dates and flew 
halfway across the country to do the 
things they had talked about in e-mail, 
they, too, were arrested 

Newspapers ran accounts of teens 
lured to S&M sessions by online stalkers. 
Henry Hudson, the former Meese Com- 
mission star, oversaw a huge investiga- 
tion that netted two men who were into 
S&M fantasies and pedophilia. Agents, 
posing as mobsters interested in making 
snuff films (the very existence of which 
has never been documented), met with 
two men in a motel. The group specu- 
lated about kidnapping, torturing and 
killing someone. An army of agents then 
placed the two under surveillance. Al- 
though no victim was targetcd and no 
kidnapping attempt made, the two men 
were sentenced to more than 30 years in 
prison. 

The stories were lurid—and rare. The 
media made the most of ten or so high- 
profile cases. Those with access to com- 
puters went directly for the sexual. The 
Harvard Crimson looked at activity on the 
school’s computer network and report- 
ed that 28 students had downloaded 
some 500 pornographic pictures in one 
week. Patrick Groeneveld, the sys. op. 
who ran the Digital Picture Archive at 
the University of Delft in the Nether- 
lands, Кері а record of the 50 top con- 
sumers of erotica. The list included 
AT&T, Citicorp and Ford. 

Every new technology creates its own 
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PLAYBOY 


psychiatric interview, then suspended 
Baker. The feds arrested the student and 
had him held without bond “to prevent 
rape and murder.” 

‘Target: Cyberspace, an editorial in the 
July 1995 pLaveoy, revealed the irony of 
the charge. “Jake Baker is author of a 
grubby little chronicle in which he and a 
friend hold a woman captive (tying her 
by her hair to a ceiling fan), then abuse 
her with clamps, glue, a big spiky hair- 
brush, a hot curling iron, a spreader bar, 
a knife and finally fire. He lands in jail. 
Bret Easton Ellis comes up with a novel, 
American Pyscho, in which the protagonist 
holds a woman captive, sprays her with 
Mace, decapitates her to have sex with 
her severed head, nails a dildo to her 
genitals and drills holes in various parts 
of her body, all while capturing the 
events on film. Ellis has a table at Elaine’s 
[a fashionable New York watering hole 
frequented by writers]." 

‘The Internet had its own way of pun- 
ishing bad behavior: flaming and scorn. 
“Within days of Baker's arrest, stories 
began to appear on the Net with charac- 
ters named Jake Baker. Drag queens in 
prison rape the fantasy Jake and cut out 
his tongue. A woman meets the fantasy 
Jake on the street, tortures and shoots 
him. The devil asks the fantasy Jake to 
torture a woman, then masturbate, and 
when the fantasy Jake is unable to obtain 
an erection, the devil shoves a curling 
iron up fantasy Jake's ass.” 

Senator Exon held a stag party on the 
floor of Congress, wielding a little blue 
book with images he said were available 
“at the click of a button.” The Commu- 
cations Decency Act passed 84 to 16 
ts original voyage through the Sen- 
ate in 1995. 

Time devoted a cover story to “Cyber- 
porn,” illustrating the article with the 
face of a terrified child. On the inside 
was a picture of a man having sex with 
his computer. The story presented the 
findings of a study conducted by а Car- 
negie Mellon research team, which had 
appeared in a Georgetown Law Journal ar- 
ticle with the daunting title “Marketing 
Pornography on the Information Super- 
highway: A Study of 917,410 Images, 
Descriptions, Short Stories and Anima- 
tions Downloaded 8.5 Million Times by 
Consumers in Over 2000 Cities in 40 
Countries, Provinces and Territories.” 

It was pure propaganda, a college 
prank, a bit of political science that re- 
called Judith Reisman's inept study of 
images of children and violence in men's 
magazines. And most magazines fell for 
the ruse. Philip Elmer-DeWitt, a report 
er for Time, boiled it down: “There's an 
awful lot of porn online.” 

Meaning 917,410 is an awfully big 
number. 

"It is not just naked women. The adult 
bulletin board system market seems to 
be driven largely by a demand for im- 


162 ages that can't be found in the average 


magazine rack . . . a grab bag of deviant 
material that includes images of bond- 
age, sadomasochism, urination, defeca- 
tion and sex acts with a barnyard full of 
animals.” 

Meaning Elmer-DeWitt's cyber ad- 

s bock is beuter than yours. 
The appearance of material like this 
on a public network accessible to men, 
women and children around the world 
raises issues too important to ignore—or 
to oversimplify.” 

But oversimplify they did. Ralph 
Reed, the executive director of the Chris- 
tian Coalition, appeared on Nightline to 
sound the clarion call: “This is bestiality, 
pedophilia, child molestation. According 
to the Carnegie Mellon survey, one quar- 
ter of all the images involve the torture 
of women.” 

Never mind that these statistics were 
not in the Carnegie Mellon report, nor 
were they on the Internet. Politicians 
were batting around a McCarthyesque 
figure: “Of the images reviewed, 83.5 
percent—all on the Internet—are 
pornographic.” 

Marty Rimm, the researcher who con- 
cocted the survey, looked at data from 68 
essentially adult-oriented bulletin board 
systems. He cataloged how images were 
described, not the images themselves. 

Carlin Meyer, a professor at New York 
University Law School who actually read 
the study, noted, “Interestingly, the Car- 
negie Mellon study never found such de- 
scriptions as snuff, kill or murder, and 
rarely found such others as pain, tor- 
ture, agony, hurts, suffocates and the 
like. The term rape appeared fewer than 
a dozen times in descriptions of more 
than 900,000 images.” 

People who didn't know how to pro- 
gram their VCR could not discern the 
difference between a Usenet group and 
a private bulletin board, yct they made 
public policy. 

Rimm had sought out the bizarre, ас- 
tually counseling operators of adult bul- 
letin boards on how to spice up the lan- 
guage in listings. Then he studied the 
world he helped create. Mike Godwin, a 
lawyer for the Electronic Frontier Foun- 
dation, saw the bias. Rimm's study was 
s if you did a study of bookstores in 
‘Times Square and used it to generalize 
about what was in Barnes & Noble stores 
nationwide.” 

Of course there were bulletin boards 
devoted to sex, but they weren't a click 
away. To get onto Pleasuredome, Throb- 
net, Swingnet, Studnet or Kinknet usu- 
ally involved access codes, passwords 
and credit cards, not exactly the tools of 
childhood. Rimm, when pressed, admit- 
ted that pornographic content repre- 
sented a mere 0.35 percent of traffic on 
the Net. 

Parents sought out so-called George 
Carlin software that would block out not 
only the original seven dirty words (shit, 
piss, cunt, fuck, cocksucker, motherfuck- 


er, tits) but also words such as genitalia, 
prick and asexual. 

The ACLU successfully challenged the 
Communications Decency Act. In 1997 
the Supreme Court voted unanimously 
to overturn the law. Justice John Paul 
Stevens noted a lower court ruling that 
Content on the Internet is as di- 
verse as human thought." Overzealous 
policing of the Net would eliminate in- 
formation on AIDS, safc scx, birth con- 
trol and homosexuality—all topics of 
vital interest in the Nineties. Justice San- 
dra Day O'Connor wrote that trying to 
restrict the Internet was “akin to a law 
that makes it a crime for a bookstore 
owner to sell pornographic magazines to 
anyone once a minor enters his store." 


SEX IN THE MILITARY 


As America struggled to impose codes 
of sexual behavior on campuses and in 
workplaces, one arena repeatedly com- 
manded attention. 

At different times in the century, the 
military had been the target of sex cru- 
saders. In World War I, progressives cre- 
ated the equivalent of an Army Corps of 
Moral Engincers, instructing recruits to 
keep fit to fight. The nation’s sex educa- 
tion came in the form of military pam- 
phlets and films warning about the dan- 
gers of venereal disease. In World War 
11, the government again took an active 
role in educating Americans about sex. 

In 1991 a group of Navy and Marine 
Corps aviators attended the Tailhook 
1991 Symposium at a Las Vegas Hilton 
Hotel. During the event, drunken offi- 
cers took over a third-floor corridor for 
a ritual "running of the gantlet.” Women 
who traversed the gantlet were fondled, 
touched, pushed and treated to conduct 
unbecoming. A drunken male forced his 
hands down a female officer's shirt, 
grabbing her breasts. She had to bite 
his hand to escape. Another reached un- 
der her skirt and tried to remoye her 
panties. Another woman told of being 
repeatedly bitten on the buttocks by a 
Navy officer. She kicked her assailant, 
who then departed. 

When women complained, they were 
told: “That's what you get when you go 
to a hotel party with a bunch of drunk 
aviators.” 

Lieutenant Paula Coughlin, one of the 
26 women who were attacked at Tail- 
hook, went public with her charges. The 
Navy launched an investigation. 

Admiral Frank Kelso declared, “It's 
not ‘Boys will be boys.’ The times have 
changed.” Acting Navy Secretary Dan 
How: ard told U.S. News & World Report, 

“There's a subculture here, the macho 
man idea, the hard drinking and skirt 
chasing that goes with the image of the 
Navy and Marines. That crap's got to go." 

The Navy ordered all units to stand 
down for a day of sensitivity training; ad- 
ministrators at the "Top Gun" school 
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In the wake of Tailhook, the Navy re- 
ceived more than 1000 sexual harass- 
ment charges and 3500 charges of inde- 
cent assault. 

The toll on this new battlefield was 
staggering. In 1996 Newsweek would 
point out that no admiral had been lost 
in combat since 1944, but within the past 
year the Navy “had lost five admirals to 
sex—to disgrace for sexual harassment 
or inappropriate sexual behavior.” 

The crisis moved through the armed 
forces. A Pentagon survey of 90,000 ac- 
tive-duty service members in 1995 found 
that between one half and two thirds of 
military women had experienced some 
form of harassment—from teasing and 
jokes (44 percent) to looks or gestures 
(37 percent) to pressure for sexual fa- 
vors (11 percent) to actual or attempted 
rape (4 percent). 

At the Aberdeen Proving Ground in 
Maryland, 19 female soldiers charged 
they had been raped or sexually assault- 
ed by drill sergeants, instructors and 
commanders. The Army set up a hotline 
to process rape and sexual harassment 
complaints: It received 4000 calls in the 
first week alone. Investigators thought 
500 were serious enough for further in- 


vestigation. The Veterans Administra- 
tion concluded that one in four women 
veterans had been raped or sexually as- 
saulted while on active duty. 

The military announced a policy of ze- 
ro tolerance and launched a series of 
courts-martial that produced mixed re- 
sults. Juries found some charges to be 
clear-cut assault, others to be instances of 
consensual sex. 

The armed forces proved to be as po- 
litically correct as college campuses. In 
January 1995, Captain Ernie Blanchard 
addressed cadets at the Coast Guard 
Academy in New London, Gonnecticut. 
He told a joke about a cadet's fiancée 
wearing a brooch featuring maritime 
signal flags. “She said the flags meant 1 
love you. They really said, Permission 
granted to lay alongside." 

When the commandant of cadets com- 
plained, Blanchard apologized. But a 
dozen Coast Guard women demanded 
officers launch a criminal probe into the 
joke. Blanchard offered to resign, but 
was turned down. On March 14, 1995, 
he committed suicide. 

Тһе crusade to reestablish moral au- 
thority in the ranks spread to other acts. 
Lieutenant Commander Kelly Flinn was 


tossed out of the Air Force for having an 
affair with the husband of an enlisted 
soldier. The hierarchy tried to explain 
that Flinn was ousted because she had 
disobeyed a direct order not to see the 
man and that she had lied about contin- 
uing the affair. 

Fhe notion that sex was something 
subject to direct orders made for water 
cooler conversations, but at the heart of 
the controversy was America’s puritani- 
cal mean streak. 

Sex would not do as it was told. In the 
wake of Flinn, some 67 officers were 
court-martialed for adultery in 1997. Air 
Force General Joseph Ralston had to 
turn down a top post when it was re- 
vealed he had had an affair more than а 
decade earlier. The blade of zero toler- 
ance reached deep into the past 


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pealed to Presidential candidate William 
Jefferson Clinton. In his 1992 campaign 
he promised to ban sexual discrimina- 
tion from the armed forces. On taking 
office, he promised, his first act as com- 
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to serve in the military. 

Gays had always served, sometimes 
with distinction. Clinton would end the 
witch-hunts, the persecutions, the cause 
for dishonorable discharge. Just as Tru- 
man had ended racial discrimination in 
the military with the stroke of a pen, so 
Clinton would end sexual discrimination. 

No single act 
would incite such 
hatred or invite so 
much retaliation 
from the Religious 
Right. Jerry Falwell 
had stepped down 
as leader of the 
Moral Majority in 
ng he was 
going back to sav- 
ing souls. But the 
of gays in the 
tary had Fal- 


funds to fight the 


“new, radical ho- 
mosexual rights 
agenda.” Viewers 
could telephone a 
900 number (at 90 
cents a minute) to 
add their names to 
a petition urgin 
Clinton not to lift 
the military ban. 
Some 24,000 view- 
ers responded, 
within hours. Fal- 
well began to 
churn out fund- 
raising letters that 
asked, “Are we 
about to become a 


ality, abor- 
tion, immorality 
and lawlessness?” 
Televangelist Pat 
Robertson asked 
viewers of the 700 
Club to telephone 
Capitol Hill. More 
than 434,000 calls 
came flooding into 


the congressional 
switchboard. 

В. James Кеп- 
nedy, of Goral 


Ridge Ministr 
Florida, beseeched 
his supporters: 
"Um writing today 
to ask your support 
in fighting this de- 
pravity. I'm deeply saddened that [C 
ton] believes it's OK to go against the 
laws of God." 

The Reverend Lou Sheldon labeled 
Clinton "the homosexual President with 
his homosexual initiatives." 

Americans were split on the issue. A 
poll in the February 8, 1993 Newsweek 


found that 53 percent of Americans fa- 
vored allowing gays to serve, 42 percent 
opposed it. 

The arguments reflected the depth of 
the bias. Senator Sam Nunn (D-Ga.) 
thought allowing gays to remain in the 
military could violate the privacy rights 
of heterosexual soldiers. Being the ob- 


A oe 


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ject of another man’s gaze would ип- 
nerve America’s finest and incite vio- 
lence. Gays scoffed that they already 
shared showers with heterosexuals—in 
college dorms, in steam rooms at health 
clubs—without chaos. 

Nunn and the Joint Chiefs of Staff 
hammered out a policy of “Don't ask, 


don't tell, don't pursue." Recruits did 
not have to testify to their heterosext 
ty or homosexuality on en ent. The 
military would no longer conduct queer 
hunts. But the line wavered. Open ho- 
mosexuality would still be grounds for 
discharge. Gays who went public—say, 
by marching in a gay rights parade 
or making public 
statements—would 
face discharge. 
What constituted 
going public? Was 
cyberspace the 
same as a parade 
ground? In one 
widely publicized 
case, sailor Timo- 
thy McVeigh was 
discharged after he 
described himself 
as gay on Ameri- 
ca Online. Naval 
investigators de- 
manded and re- 
ceived the identity 
of the man calling 
himself Tim and 
discharged him. 
The policy, de- 
signed to shield 
gays, actually in- 
creased the num- 
ber of discharges, 
from 597 in 1994 
to 997 in 1997. 


THE PLAYBOY 
PRESIDENT 


A right to privacy 
was central to the 
Sexual Revolution. 
Conservatives casti- 
gated the notion, 
saying that the Su- 
preme Court had 
concocted it out of 
thin air, that the 
word appeared 


lied in 1890 ina 
Harvard Law Re- 
view article by Lou- 
is Brandeis and 
Samuel Warren. 
‘The two were con- 
cerned about the 
> of yellow jour- 

nalism, in which 

reporters paraded 

personal go: 
ide, accidents, engagements, 
d divorces. According to 
uthor of The 


tales of su 
elopemer 
scholar Rochelle 
Repeal of Reticence, Brandeis and Warren 
were alarmed by the scandal-hungry 
mob and papers that served them: “The 
unprecedented reporting of subjects 


previously believed to fall beneath public 165 


166 


Justify My Love * Groove Is in the 
Heart * Nothing Compares 2 U * Suicide 
Blonde = The Humpty Dance + Friends 
in Low Places * Down at the Twist and 
Shout * It Only Hurts When I Cry * Been 
Caught Stealing * Crazy * She Talks 
to Angels * Kool Thing * Whip Appeal 
* Hold On * Free Fallin’ * Feels Good 
* Two to Make It Right * Around the 
Way Gil 

л 


One * Is So Hard to Say Goodbye to 
Yesterday + All the Man That I Need = I 
Wanna Sex You Up = Jeremy = Crucify = 
Right Here Right Now = Let's 
Sex • In Too Sexy = 
That's What I Like 
About You * Finally © 
1 Touch Myself * 
Head Like a Hole * 
Into the Fire * More 
Than Words Can Say 
* OPP + Unbeliev- 
able * Gett Off * 
Cream * Girl Trouble 
* Emoüons * My 
Next Broken Heart =. 
Smells Like Teen Spir- 
it + We Die Young = 
Enter Sandman * 
November Rain “ Something to Talk About 
* Losing My Religion * Two Princes 


D 
Fever * Tennessee * A Bad Goodbye * 
Under the Bridge * Sometimes Love Just 
Ain't Enough * Real Love * Runaway 
Train “ Girl, You'll Be a Woman Soon * 
Jump Around “ These Are Days * So 
What'cha Want * Even Better Than 
the Real Thing * Erotica * Nearly Lost 
You * My Lovin’ (Never Gonna Get It) * 
Tears in Heaven * She's Got the Rhythm. 
(And I Got the Blues) * Little Earthquakes 
= Bed of Roses + Human Touch * Giv- 
ing Him Something Не Can Feel * Save 
the Best for Last * Damn, 1 Wish I Was. 
Your Lover * End of ihe Road * Every- 
body Hurts 
D 


I Will Always Love You * Laid * Fuck 
and Run * All I Wanna Do * If * No 
Rain * Today * LAm Free * Are You Gonna 
Go My Way? “ The Crying Game * Shoop 
= That’s the Way Love Goes * Right Now 
* Breathe Арат * Rebirth of Slick (Cool 
Like Dat) = Mama Said Knock You Out * 
Gentlemen * Debonair * Sister Havana * 
Cryin’ > Blame It on Your Heart * АП 
Apologies * Heart-Shaped Box * Love 
Shoulda Brought You Home * Dream- 


lover * Another Sad Love Song * I'd Do 
Anything for Love (But I Won't Do That) 


dr 


I Wanna Be Doun * Juicy * Take а 
Bow * Where It's At = I'll Make Love to 
You * Loser * Doll Parts * Waterfalls * 
Love Is Strong * Unity * Lightning 
Crashes * Ants Marching * Sabotage = 
Basket Case = You Don't Know How It 
Feels * Run Around * Good Enough * 
Bang and Blame 

JP 


Hold My Hand * Here I Come * One 
of Us * Wonderwall = Constant Craving 
* I Only Want to Be 
With You * Gangsta's 
Paradise * Dear Ma- 
ma * Don't Lel Our 
Love Start Slippin” 
Away * You Oughta 
Know * Forever Fail- 
ure * Queer * Brown 
Sugar * Somebody's 
Crying 

D 


I Believe I Can 
Fly * Crash Into 
Me = Silling Up in 
Му Room * Did I Shave My Legs for 
This? * Killing Me Softly * Rockin’ inthe 
Arms of Your Memory * Who Will Save 
Your Soul? * Just a Girl * Blue * One 
Headlight 


+ 


Оп and On * You're Still the One * You 
Make Me Wanna * Bitch * Everytime I 
Close My Eyes * Wannabe * Tubllumping 
* My Heart Will Go On * Where Have 
All the Cowboys Gone? * A Rose Is Still a 
Rose * Brick * Impression That I Get 


dy 


Gettin’ Jiggy Wit It = The Boy Is Mine 
* One Weck * My Way * Ray of Light = 
The Time of Your Life * Thank U * My 
One True Friend * Torn * Jump, Jive and. 
Wail * Doo Wop (That Thing) * I Don't 
Want to Miss a Thing * Building a Mys- 
tery = My Favorite Mistake * Miami * 
The Power of Goodbye 


y 

Livin’ La Vida Loca * If You Had My 
Love * I Want It That Way * Believe * 
Nookie * Every Morning * No Scrubs * 
Why Don't You Get a Job? = Kiss Me * Fly 
Away * Save Tonight + Heartbreak Hotel 
* American Woman * Someday * That 
Don't Impress Me Much 


notice led to a rancorous debate con- 
cerning the proper role of the press in a 
democracy.” 

Brandeis and Warren invented the 
concept of a right to privacy, “the right 
to be let alone.” Although men who be- 
came public figures “renounced their 
right to live their lives screened from 
public observation, [there are] some 
things all men alike are entitled to keep 
from popular curiosity, whether in pub- 
lic life or not.” 

In the Sixties and Seventies, the Court 
used Brandeis’ formulation to support 
the Sexual Revolution—finding in the 
right of privacy the right to birth con- 
trol, to read erotica, to possess pornog 
raphy, to choose when and whether to 
have a child. It stopped short of kicking 
the state out of the bedroom in a 1986 
ruling that upheld a Georgia sodomy 
statute. 

With a few notable exceptions, the 
press had previously respected the pri- 
vacy of public figures. And public figures 
had practiced reticence. In 1976, when a 
PLAYBOY reporter asked Jimmy Carter 
his views on sex, the candidate respond- 
ed that he was human, that he had lust 
ed in his heart lor women other than his 
wife. That disclosure made Carter the 
first politician to talk openly about his 
sex life. It almost derailed his campaign. 

In 1987 the press questioned Gary 
Hart about his private life. He chal- 
lenged reporters to "follow me around." 
They did and produced a photograph of 
young Donna Rice sitting on Hart's lap 
aboard a boat called Monkey Business 

Sex became a character issue. Hart's 
blatant escapades—as well as his cavalier 
taunüng of the press—was proof, it was 
said, that he lacked the discretion and 
judgment needed for high office. 

The confrontation between Clarence 
"Thomas and Anita Hill scorched the 
boundary between public and private 
behavior. Hill's backers, from whatever 
motive, charged that Thomas' sexual 
character disqualified him for the na- 
tion's highest court. 

If there were skeletons in a candidate's 
closet, they had better not be wearing 
lingerie. 

On October 3, 1991, William Jefferson 
Clinton, governor of Arkansas, declared 
his intention to run for the Presidency of 
the U.S. He was the first candidate to 
have come of age with the Sexual Revo- 
lution of the Sixties, and the first to put 
his sex life to a vote. The rumors start- 
ed early. 

According to a lawsuit filed by a dis- 
gruntled state employee, Clinton had 
had an affair with a lounge singer 
named Gennifer Flowers. She denied 
the story. Others whispered that Clinton 
had a black love child, that he had slept 
with Miss America, that he hit on any- 
thing wearing a skirt. 

Bill Clinton admitted that his mar- 
riage had not been perfect and took his 


campaign to New Hampshire. New York 
called it the Bimbo Prima 
it Clinton's 

Gennifer Flowers lat 
story and sold it to a supermarket tabloid 
for a reported $100,000. мү 12-YEAR AF- 
FAIR WITH BILL CLINTON, screamed the 
headline in the Star, PLUS THE SECRET 
LOVE TAPES THAT PROVE IT! 

On the evening of the 1992 Super 

Bowl, the Clintons went on 60 Minutes. 
Clinton admitted knowing Flowers, say- 
ing that she was “a friendly acquain- 
tance.” He said the allegation of a 12- 
year affair was false. 
BS correspondent Steve Kroft asked, 
"You've said that your marriage has had 
problems, that you've had difficulties. 
Does that mean you were separated? 
Does that mean you contemplated di- 
vorce? Does it mean adultery?” 

Clinton replied, “I'm not prepared, 
tonight, to say that any married couple 
should ever discuss that with anyone but 
themselves. I have acknowledged wrong- 
doing. I have acknowledged causing pam 
in my marriage. 1 think most Americans 
who are watching tonight—they'll know 
what we're saying, they'll get it and they'll 
feel we've been more than candid." 

It was up to the nation and the press, 
said Clinton, "to agree that this guy has 
told us about all we need to know." 

Mrs. Clinton, after denying that she 
was doing a Tammy Wynette Stand by 
Your Man routine, put it this way: "I'm 
sitting here because I love him and I re- 
spect him and I honor what he's been 
through and what we've been through 
together. And, you know, if that's not 
enough for people, then heck, don't vote 
for him." 

Time spoke of Clinton's "zipper con- 
trol” problem and the threat posed by 
the “bimbo du jour” (at least three oth- 
er women he had explicitly denied sleep- 
ing with were making Gennifer-like 
charges). Clinton's own stal worked to 
contain "bimbo eruptions.” 

"Тһе story was huge in New York and 
Washington. Both Neusday and the Daily 
News ran the same headline: LIES AND 
AUDIOTAPE 

"The mainstream press recoiled from 
the tabloid ste: But the ci seemed 
to provoke a dick-measuring contest 
The New York Times, for example, buried 
its coverage in an unsigned story eight 
inches in length in the back pages, while 
The Washington Post devoted 43 inches. 

In an eerie moment of voyeuristic self- 
loathing or delusions of grandeur, the 
rted itself into the story. Edwin 
1 a New York article called 
ourse: Campaign Journalism 
101,” confessed that the press had dozed 
through the Kennedy years, “missing 
three y calls, round-the- 


and an org; 
that “eight President 
the sex lives of Presi 


are a more open field of inquir 

"The press,” he lamented. "is thor- 
oughly confused. and at times both con- 
fused and sanctimonious, about its role 
in such matters. Currently, the media 
are drowning in a sea of self-recrimina- 
tions about their coverage of Clinton 
and Flowers." 

“Pornographers are trying to hijack 
democracy,” wrote a Boston Globe colum- 
nist. Time titled a story on the New Hamp- 
shire primary “The Vulture Watch.” 

Robert Scheer, the PLAYBOY reporter 
who had been present when Jimmy Car- 
ter brought up lust, suggested that Clin- 
ton should have said, “I’ve lived a full- 
blooded life. So far as I know, no one got 
hurt and 1 was always careful to use a 
condom and 1 urge others, when the 
need calls, to do the same.” 

It would not be the last time America 
played the game of “What he should 
have said.” 


THE QUAYLE MOMENT 


The Religious Right had pitted fan 
values against the excesses of the Sexual 


Revolution. The Clinton moment was 
soon overshadowed by what jou 
Lance Morrow called “one of those vi: 
id, strange electronic moral pageants." 

Vice President Dan Quayle, who had 
himself survived a charge he had dallied 
with a lobbyist when his wife came to his 
defense (saying, “Dan would rather play 
golf than have sex any day"), crossed the 
boundary between the real world and 
fantasy. 

In a speech before the Common- 
wealth Club in Los Angeles, Quayle in- 
voked the traditional law-and-order 
theme of the Republican Р; He casti- 
gated “indulgence and self-gratification” 
and an entertainment industry that 
“glamorized casual sex and drug use.” 

Quayle launched into familiar territo- 
ry. “The failure of our families is hurting 
America deeply. Children need love and 
discipline. They need mothers and fa- 
thers. A welfare check is not a husband. 
The state is not a father. Bearing babies 
irresponsibly is, simply, wrong. 

“It doesn't help matters,” said Quayle, 
“when prime-time TV has Murphy 


“We don't saw them off here, sir—but we'd be happy 
to recommend someone.” 


167 


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Brown—a character who supposedly 
epitomizes today's intelligent, highly 
paid professional woman—mocking the 
importance of fathers by bearing a child 
alone and calling it just another lifestyle 
choice.” 

Quayle shot himself in the remote 
The nation did not want a TV critic one 
heartbeat from the Presidency. Single 
mothers and women who wanted to pro- 
tect their reproductive rights voted Bill 
inton into office. 


Kennedy Smith trial, Congresswoman 
Susan Molinari (R-N.Y.) proposed the 
Sexual Assault Prevention Act. The bill 
was a feminist wish list, а catalog of vic- 
tims’ rights that sought to change the 
rules of justice. 

Тһе bill established а new double stan- 
dard. Women had won protection in 
rape trials—shield laws kept their names 
(but not those of the accused rapists) out 
of the press. A woman's past sexual hi: 
tory could not be introduced by the de- 
fense to establish promiscuity. 

"The ЗАРА embedded into law feminist 
theories about men as sexual predators. 
Not only were men rapists and abusers, 
they were rapists and abusers all the 
time. Sexual harassers, it was said, ex- 
ited a pattern and practice of abuse. 

Senate investigators had turned up a 
second woman who claimed that Clar- 
ence Thomas had harassed her. In the 
William Kennedy Smith trial, women 
came forward to say that they too had 
experienced rough sex at the hands of 
the defendant. The stories were not 
heard by the jury. 

Molinari's bill gave victims of sexual 
crime the right of “discovery.” А man's 
past was prologue; prior misconduct 
would be admissible in court. In 1994 
President Clinton signed the bill into 
law. In doing so, he laid the foundation 
of his own ordcal. 

Long before it affected courts of law, 
the new double standard made itself felt 
in the court of public opinion. The press 
took the character issue as a permit to 
probe public figures. A woman who had 
once worked for Senator Bob Packwood 
(but had turned up in his opponent's 
campaign) charged that years earlier he 
had made an unwanted sexual advance. 
The press subsequently uncovered more 
than 20 women who the same thing, 
that the Senator was a serial fondler. 
Packwood resigned from oflice. 

The American public had forgiven 
Clinton's past by voting him into office. 
His political enemies, knowing that scan- 
dal has no statute of I 
confessions can and 
the unwary, saw an opportunity. Co: 
vative Richard Mellon Scaife 
a fund for anti-Clinton journalism. It 
ly bore poisonous fruit. 

The American Spectator hit the stands in 


late December 1993. David Brock re- 
ported that several Arkansas state troop- 
ers claimed to have provided then-Gov- 
ernor Clinton with women on various 
occasions. At the Excelsior Hotel, on 
May 8, 1991—five months before an- 
nouncing his Presidential candidacy 
Clinton had entertained а woman 
named Paula in his room. She had left 
smiling and had reportedly told the 
trooper she was willing to be Clinton's 
regular girlfriend if he wanted 
On February 11, 1994, the Conserva- 
tive Po al Action Conference intro- 
duced Paula Corbin Jones at a press con- 
ference. The Paula in Brock's story said 
a trooper had escorted her to Clinton's 
hotel room. After several minutes of 
small talk, Clinton suggested “a type of 
sex" that would not require her to re- 
move her clothes. 
The New York Times mentioned the 
press conference in a 250-word story 
buried on page eight. 
Jones began to supply details. She told 
a reporter for The Washington Post that 
Clinton had dropped his trousers and 
underwear and asked her to perform 
oral sex. She had headed for the door. 
She then told two women about the en- 
counter. The Spectator story, she said, 
had humiliated her. 
Although it was too late to file a sexual 
harassment claim with the EEOC, her 
lawyers drafted a "tort of outrage" and 
filed suit on May 6, 1004. She sought 
$700,000 from Clinton (she also sued the 
state trooper for defaming her by sug- 
gesting she had sex with Clinton). Her 
new lawyers added to the story. Their 
client could identify "distinguishing char- 
acteristics [in Clinton's] genital area. 
Clinton's lawyer called the charge 
“tabloid trash with a legal caption." James 
Carville, his campaign advisor, said sim- 
ply, "Drag $100 through a trailer р; 
and there's no telling what you'll fin 
Jones’ own sister and brother-in-law 
depicted her as something of a slut. Her 
sister told the press that Paula had told 
her, “Whichever way it went, it smelled 
of money.” 
Jerry Falwell began hawking a pair of 
i-Clinton tapes for $40 a pop. 
The case of Jones us. Clinton moved 
through the courts. Initially, the press 
continued its reticence, or rather, its 
bend-over-backward practice of report- 
ing the story about the story. Thomas 
Plate of the Los Angeles Times said, “Wha 
п press is asking is whether 

nton is a serial bonker and, if he is, 
whether that is related to some basic cle- 
ment of character.” 

William Henry HI pondered in the 
pages of Time “How to Report the Lewd 
and Unproven.” 


ewsweek reporter who 
had covered the Clinton campaign, real- 
ized the way to cover Presidential sex 
was through fiction. Primary Colors (by 
Anonymous) was a brilliant depiction of 


the Stantons—a womanizing politici 
and his wife—that was so thinly veiled. it 
could have been the ed truth. The 
novel ends with the narrator facing a 
moral choice: Can he separate the public 
man from the private and work for а 
sexually compulsive candidate out “to 


make history"? 


THE LUST LOOPHOLE 


The stories were there for those who 
were looking. 

In 1995 Anne Manning confessed in a 
Vanily Fair article that as a young cam- 
paign worker almost 20 years earlier, she 
had performed oral sex on Newt Ging- 
rich when they were both married to 
other people. According to Manning, 
Gingrich insisted on oral sex so that 
questioned, he could say, "I never slept 
with her. 

The Washington Post explored "the new 
lust loophole" in an article that revealed 
how Senator Charles Robb of Vi 
had defended himself against charges of 
adultery. In a memo to his staff, then- 
Governor Robb explained, "I've always 
drawn the line on certain conduct. I 
haven't done anything that 1 regard as 
being unfaithful to my wife, and she is 
the only woman Гус loved, slept with or 
had coital relations with in the 20 years 
we've been married—I'm still crazy 
about her.” He too could answer a re- 
porter's question with the coy denial, "I 
haven't slept with anyone, haven't had 
an affair.” But Robb had reportedly ac- 
cepted nude massages and oral sex from 
young beauties. 

Are we having sex now, or what? 

The oral sex loophole was shared by 
Clinton. One of the troopers involved 
in the Paula Jones case came forward to 
say that Clinton had found proof in the 
Bible that oral sex is not adultery. 

Politics made fellatio a national top- 
ic, On Nightline Ted Koppel wondered 
whether “oral sex does or does not con- 
stitute adultery.” Experts on the Bible 
апа Talmudic texts opined that the an- 
swer wasn't clear. 

In May 1997 the Supreme Court voted 
9-0 that the President was not above the 
laws of the land, that Paula Corbin Jones 
could pursue her lawsuit against Clinton 
е he was still in of "he Justices 
believed that his lawyers could handle a 
sexual harassment suit in such a that 
it would not diminish or im 
from his duties as the President 

Never had the Court been so wrong, 


THE FEEDING FRENZY 


The Jones team, now supplemented 
by private investigators, pro bono hair- 
dressers, plastic surgeons and fashion 
consultants, moved forward. They exer- 
cised their rights of discovery, tracking 
down women (an estimated 100 victims) 
alleged to have been propositioned by 
the President. And they set 2 date on 
which to grill Clinton about past indis- 


cretions that might fit the pattern of a 
sexual predator. 

Journalists began to look at the legal 
merits of Jones’ case, Trying to explain 
why feminists were not outraged by the 
charges of sexual harassment, as they 
had been over Anita Hill, Gloria Steinem 
pointed out that, unlike Thomas, Clin- 
ton took no for an answer. 

PLAYBOY noted that even if you be- 
lieved Paula Jones’ account, no sexual 
harassment had occurred. There was no 
quid quo pro. Even if the invitation was 
unwanted (about which there was some 
doubt), it was not repeated. Jones was 
free to leave, as she did. You can't out- 
law sexual interest. If you love a person 
who doesn't love you, that is unrequited 
love—the basis of all of country-and- 
western music. 

Jones recruited a new legal team, 
funded by the conservative Rutherford 
Institute. Interrogatories filed in Octo- 
ber 1997 asked Clinton whether he had 
or had proposed having sexual relations 
with any woman other than his wife dur- 
ing the time he was Attorney General of 
Arkansas, Governor of Arkansas or Pres- 
ident of the U.S. 

Clinton refused to answer 

In December, the lawyers amended 
their lawsuit to charge that Clinton had 
discriminated against Paula Jones by 
treating favorably women who had ac- 
cepted his sexual advances. On the list of 
possible witnesses was a White House in- 
tern named Monica Lewinsky. On Janu- 
ary 17, 1998 lawyers interrogated Clin- 
ton for six hours. 


MONICAGATE 


Judge Susan Webber Wright placed a 
gag order on the deposition, but within 
days the nation knew the details of the 
inquiry. The President had been asked 
about Kathleen Willey, a former flight 
attendant and Clinton fund-raiser, who 
claimed he had fondled her when she 
came to him for a job. 

“The President denied the charge. The 
lawyers asked if he had had sexual rela: 
tions with Monica Lewinsky. 

The most bizarre aspect of the deposi- 
tion was the definition of sexual relations 
crafted by Paula Jones’ lawyers and 
Judge Webber Wright: “For the purpos- 
es of this deposition, а person engages in 
sexual relations when the person know- 
ingly engages in or causes contact with 
the genitalia, anus, groin, breast, inner 
thigh or buttocks of any person with an 
intent to arouse or gratily the sexual de- 
sire of any person.” 

What kind of definition of sexual re- 
lations leaves out the 
‘Tossed out by the judge were definitions 
that specified “contact between any part 
of the person's body or an object and the 
genitals or anus of another person” and 
“contact between the genitals or anus of 
the person and any part of another per- 
son's body." Contact meant “intentional 


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id the sexual revolution of the Si 
come cut of nowhere? In fascinating 
ond provocative detail, Playboy 
staff writer James R. Petersen re 
how the seeds of sexua 


touching, either directly or through 
clothing.” 

Focusing on the first definition, the 
President denied having sexual relations 
with Monica Lewinsky. 

Matt Drudge, an Internet gossipmon- 
ger, challenged the President's account 
Newsweek, he said, had known of an affair 
between Clinton and Lewinsky, but had 
chosen not to run with it 

Newsweek responded on February 2, 
1998 with a cover story by Michael Is- 
ikofl and Evan Thomas. Isikoff had been 
in contact with Linda Tripp, former 
White House employee who had taped 
conversations with Monica Lewinsky in 
which the two di: ed Lewinsky's af- 
fair with “the big creep.” In one tape, the 
two discussed how many men Moni 
had slept with. “What about the big 
creep?" asked Tripp. “No.” replied Mon- 
ica here was no penetration." 

The dialogue was right ош of Clerks, 
except that one of the friends had a tape 
recorder. 

Both women were possible witnesses 
in the Jones case and had exchanged 
ideas on what, if anything, they should 
say. In her affidavit, Monica denied hav- 
ing sex with the President. 

Lewinsky told Tripp she and the Pres- 
ident had engaged in phone sex, talk- 
ing dirty at two or three am. She had 
performed oral sex. Lewinsky said she 
was keeping a navy blue dress staincd 
with Clinton's semen. “I'll never wash it 
again," she said. There were rumors 
about sex with a cigar. 

Everyone seemed willing to comment 
on the allegations. Andrea Dworkin de- 
clared that Clinton's “fixation on oral 
sex—nonreciprocal oral sex—consistent- 
ly puts women in states of submission to 
him.” Camille Paglia said that Clinton 
used oral sex “to silence women.” 

‘There was no shortage of stereotypes 
Lewinsky was the exploited intern, the 
victim—except that friends told the 
press she had gone to Washington to 
carn her “Presidential knee pads.” She 
was an innocent debauched by a power- 
ful man—except that she was a Beverly 
Hills girl who grew up in a culture where 
blow jobs were as casual as handshakes. 

The producer of Wag the Dog, a movie 
about a President who molests a “Firefly 
Scout” and tries to cover up the scandal 
by launching a war against Albania, ad- 
dressed the nation. “Hey,” wrote Barry 
Levinson, “we were just kidding.” 

On January 12, 1998, Tripp played 
her tapes for Ken Starr, the independent 
investigator who had inherited the stalled 
Whitewater probe. Starr had spent four 
years and $40 million trying to establish 
that the Clintons had been involved with 
fraud and obstruction of justice regard- 
ing an Arkansas real estate deal 

Starr asked for and received permis- 
sion to expand his investigation. The 
witch-hunt was on. It was not the sex, 
the nation was told, it was the lying, the 


perjury, the obstruction of justice. 
Tt was about the sex. 


THE STARR CHAMBER 


"The President angrily denied the af- 
fair. as he had with Gennifer Flowers 
and every other alleged sex partner. 
Wagging his finger, he declared, "I did 
not have sexual relations with that wom- 
an, Miss Lewinsky. 

Hillary Clinton said the affair reeked 
of a vast right-wing conspiracy. Linda 
Tripp had tried to sell a book on the 
White House to Lucianne Goldberg, a 
literary agent who had previously at- 
tempted to publish anti-Clinton trash. 
Alfred Regnery, whose conservative pub- 
lishing house had looked at the manu- 
script, was the Reagan-era Republican 
who had commissioned Judith Reis- 
man’s absurd study of cartoons in men's 
magazines. His political career had end- 
ed when the press disclosed that police, 
while investigating an odd situation that 
supposedly included threats to his wife 
and forced oral sex, once found a cache 
of porn. A lawyer associated with the 
Rutherford Institute, which seemed 
strangely in sync with Starr's office, had 
represented Reisman in an outlandish 
lawsuit against the Kinsey Insutute 
(Reisman had charged that Kinsey was a 
child molester with a homosexual agen- 
da, that the Sexual Revolution was a lie.) 
A group of conservative lawyers known 
as the Federalist Socicty worked in the 
shadows, drafting legal motions and ex 
changing leads 

Starr was a one-man national inquisi 
tion. He papered Washington with sub- 
poenas. America watched the parade of 
shell-shocked witnesses, and grew used 
to the leaks and abuses of power. When 
Starr seized the records of the bookstore 
where Lewinsky had bought a copy of 
Nicholson Baker's Vox—a novel about 
phone sex—only a few cried outrage. 
Starr stripped away execuuve privilege, 
lawyer-client privilege, mother-daugh- 
ter privilege, the bond between Pres 
dent and Secret Service bodyguards, be- 
tween President and friends. 

Almost unnoticed, on April 1, 1998, 
Judge Webber Wright dismissed the 
law: suit. While the then Gov 
y have been "boor- 
ad offensive,” she wrote, "the plain- 
tiff has failed to demonstrate that she has 
a case worthy of submitting to a jury.” 
There was no quid pro quo. Jones had 
not suffered setbacks at work (indeed, 
she had been given satisfactory job re- 
views, a cost-of-living increase and a 
merit raise). That she had not received 
flowers on Secretary's Day in 1992, one 
of her claims of harm, “does not give rise 
10 à federal cause of action.” 

It was too little too late. 


ish 


Through it all, the President's popu- 
larity rating remained high. Most Amer- 


icans, it seemed, thought that the Pr. 
dent's sex life was none of our bu: 
When a cartoonist drew a Presidential 
seal with the Playboy Rabbit Head, 
Hugh Hefner dubbed Bill Clinton “the 
Playboy President.” Here was a politi- 
cian who embodied lust, whose libido re- 
fused to wilt under the pressures of the 
office, who was vital, sexual and compe- 
tent. But that very insight—that Clinton 
was the first politician to have come of 
age in the Sexual Revolution, to have 
dabbled with sex, drugs and rock and 
roll—played to the passions of conserva- 
tives fighting a culture war. 

It is said that television brought the 
Vietnam war into our homes. Media re- 
sponse to Monica Lewinsky brought the 
Sexual Revolution home. According to 
the Center for Media and Public Affairs, 
the major networks had aired just 19 sto- 
ries about Gennifer Flowers’ original al- 
legations of adultery. They had run just 
опе story of Paula Jones’ first press con- 
ference, nine stories covering the filing 
of her lawsuit. In the week of January 
21, 1998, the networks devoted 124 sto- 
ries to the White House intern. By Au- 
gust 15, 596 stories had run on the net- 
work evening news shows. Oddly, it was 
a silent movie. We saw clips of Monica 
Lewinsky and Linda Tripp walking to 
their cars, of White House aides and bat- 
talions of lawyers emerging from grand 


jury interrogations, but it was almost a 


year into the scandal before we heard 
Monica's voice. 

The scandal forced America to con- 
front the often contradictory views it 
held about sex. News commentators 
found themselves using words they had 
never used on air (reporting that when 
the President played golf with Vernon 
Jordan, they discussed “puss 

An editorial in The Washington Post 
asked, “What is sex?” The author, an as- 
sociate editor of the Journal of Sex Ейиса- 
tion and Therapy, saw the Clinton scandal 
as a wonderful opportunity to define 
sex. She pointed out that most Ameri- 
cans think only of intercourse when 
asked such questions as, “Is it OK for 
teenagers to have sex?" Get rid of the 
foreplay-intercourse-orgasm model and 
“sex would become characterized not as 
a single act, but as a wide, open-ended 
and fluid range of physical intimacies.” A 
more succinct statement of the goal of 
the Sexual Revolution cannot be found. 

The real beneficiaries, according to 
the author, “would be our children: All 
sexual behaviors between people, we 
could explain, are to be considered real, 
meaningful and significant. All involve 
real feelings, real decisions and real ac- 
countability. There are no ethical free 
spaces when it comes to being sexually 
active, whether that activity happens to 
include sexual intercourse or not.” 

Jay Leno, host of The Tonight Show, had 
the most honest reaction to the scandal. 
Sex was above all ludicrous, Clinton a 


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laughingstock. Hardly a night passed 
without a shot at the President: 

“Al Gore is now just an orgasm away 
from the Presidency.” 

“I don't want to imply President Clin- 
ton is getting a lot of sex on the side, but 
today Pamela and Tommy Lee asked to 
see his movie.” 

“This was the first State of the Union 
speech that was simulcast on the Spice 
Channel.” 

“Mike McCurry said today the Presi- 
dent denies ever having an affair with 
this woman and he is going about his 
normal daily routine. Denying having 
an affair with a woman pretty much is 
Clinton's normal daily routine.” 


MM wh = 


“If President 
Joycelyn Elder 
in trouble now. 

E ағу has hired her own White 
House intern: Lorena Bobbitt.” 

“Clinton says he wants to tell the truth, 
the whole truth and nothing but the 
truth. The problem is, to Clinton, those 
are three different things.” 

Leno's monolog helped the President. 
It humanized sex and pulled the rug out 
from under the stern moralists. Humor 
is a form of tolerance, a recognition that 
love and lust regularly include ridicu- 
lous behavior. 

Compared to the official inquiry, Le- 
no's nightly monolog was lighthearted 


nton had followed 
advice, he wouldn't be 


"Nou what have you been up to? It's a 
Mr. Saddam Hussein on the phone and he's really cross with 
you about something.” 


and the laughs shared w 
viewers a night the best i 
fin de siécle sophisticati 
Clinton and America might not have 
survived. 


and interrogated President C 
four and a half hou 
That evening the Pr 
tion, "I did have a relationship with Miss 
Lewinsky that was not appropriate." 

On September 9, Starr sent his report 
to the House Judiciary Committee. Cam- 
eras showed agents hauling dozens of 
sealed boxes into the Capitol. The in- 
dependent prosecutor charged Clinton 
with perjury (claiming he had lied about 
having sexual relations with Moi 
his deposition and to the grand jury), 
obstruction of justice for conspiring with 
Lewinsky to conceal the truth of their 
relationship, further obstruction of jus- 
tice (deliberately misleading lawyers and 
asking Vernon Jordan to get Lewinsky a 
job) and abusing his power (misleading 
staffers and frustrating lawyers by claim- 
lege). The Starr re- 
port was grimly attentive to sexual de- 
tails, a Puritan document that was 
worthy of Nathaniel Hawthorne. 

For more than a century, the Sexual 
Revolution had been about the control 
of sex. Who should judge—the church, 
the state or the individual? On the morn- 
ing of September 11, С 
religion card, telling a 
meeting, “I don't think there is a fancy 
way to say that I have sinned. It is im- 
portant to me that everybody who has 
been hurt know that the sorrow 1 feel ік 
genuine—first and most important my 
family, also my friends, my staff, my cab- 
inet, Monica Lewinsky and her family 
and the American people. I have asked 
all for their forgiveness.” 

Most networks carried the extraordi- 
nary speech live. On CNBC Clinton's 
face was surrounded by the stock market 
tickers, by the Dow Jones and Nasdaq in- 
dexes, which twitched like the scrolling 
lines of a polygraph. The Dow moved 
upward more than 100 points within an 
hour of the talk. God was silent, but the 
market had forgiven Clinton. 

On that same Friday the House voted 
1o release the 445-page Starr report on 
the Internet. Newspapers and maga- 
zines reprinted the report, or carefully 
edited portions. 

The frenzy conti 
came in two waves. 
Washington discuss s 
recklessly destructive behavioi 
able offenses, the death of outrage and, 
oh yes, sex. 

‘The Starr report was about sex—oral 
sex without climas sex with climax, 
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phone sex and footnote sex. A level of 
sexual detail that once landed works by 
artists such as Theodore Dreiser, Ed- 
mund Wilson and D.H. Lawrence in 
court now was part of the Congressional 
Record. We knew the numbers: Не had 
touched her bare breasts nine times, stim- 
ulated her genitals four times, brought 
her to orgasm three times, once to multi- 
ple orgasm. Footnote 209 alleged oral- 
anal sex. The President had masturbat- 
ed during phone sex and described the 
actas the ultimate wake-up call. 

Some read the report and saw a touch- 
ing portrait of a man whose sexual world 
had been reduced to a space no larger 
than a doorway, who found erotic refuge 
in the electronic whisper of phone sex, 
who found himself in a world where it 
was impossible to consummate passion 
with rcal was the stuff of 
the adulterer discovered, not of a per- 
jurer. Whatever the feminists could say 
about the imbalance of power, this was a 
man who was captivated by the glimpse 
of thong underwear. The leader of the 
Western world was a fool for love. 

"There were some who called the re- 


port pornographic, pointing out that the 
very Congress that had voted to cleanse 
the Internet of porn had itself despoiled 
cyberspace. But pornography is meant 
to arouse. Тһе style of the Starr report 
was more conducive to loathing. The 
“explicit, but coldly clinical report is a 
furtive sex drama" was Time's appraisal. 
“Sanctimonyfest,” said columnist Molly 
Ivins. The formula was as old as Antho- 
ny Comstock's annual report to the New 
York Society for the Suppression of 
Vice; You were allowed to share the sala- 
cious details of various sexual scandals 
nd be aroused—so long as the emotion 
aroused was prudery, not passion, puni- 
tive, not pleasure-bent. 

For George Will, a Newsweek columnist 
who evidently has never masturbated, 
the question for the country was, “Should 
this man, who is seen in Starr's report 
masturbating in the West Wing after an 
episode with the intern, be seen for 28 
more months in the Presidency?” 


COTTON MATHER INC. 


And there itwas. The Starr report had 
obliterated the fences that make good 


Еу 


“We're Puritans, and we hope you can say the same for yourselves.” 


neighbors. In the classic Puritan world- 
view, the moral agenda of the commun 
ty imposed itself completely on the indi 
vidual. Every detail of lust was subject to 
scrutiny and loathing. 

For more than a hundred years, Amer- 
ica had evolved away from that invasiv 
totalitarian code, creating and protect- 
ing a space for individual pleasure, indi- 
vidual freedom. The Starr report pre- 
sumed that privacy was an illusion, or 
worse—that it was the breeding ground 
of conspiracy. The report exhumed 
e-mail, recorded private conversations 
and forced Monica Lewinsky to divulge 
the most intimate details of her life. It 
was an act of public shaming unprece- 
dented in 20th century America. 

Ken Starr was Cotton Mather reincar- 
nate, a Christian champion in the grand 
tradition of Anthony Comstock and 
Charles Keating. “Who better to bring 
Bill Clinton to justice,” The Wall Street 
Journal asked, “than a hymn-singing son 
ofa fundamentalist minister?” 

Monicagate was a culmination of 
something, the bloodletting that follows 
any revolution, the final conflict, a sexu- 
al Armageddon. Margaret Carlson, resi- 
dent scold for Time, had written monu 
We've been building to this sex- 
for decades, through scandals 
concerning bold-type names from stage, 
screen and sports, Congressmen, Sena- 
tors and Presidential candidates. And 
now, live from the capital, it's the Pr 
dent. As the ultimate celebrity trial goes 
forward, there's little hope of truth and 
every chance we'll all be diminished." 

René erature and religion 
scholar at Stanford, told [oe Klein that 
Clinton was a classic scapegoat. "In Greek 
mythology, the scapegoat is never wrong- 
fully accused. But he is always magical. 
He has the capacity to relieve the burden 
of guilt from a society. This seems a basic 
human impulse. There is a need to con- 
sume scapegoats. It is the way tension is 
relieved and change takes place." 

Clinton, wrote Klein, is *all that his 
accusers loathe most about themselves. 
the guilt about the sexual excesses of 
the past quarter century, the self hatred 
ofa generation reared in prosperity and 
never tested by adversity.” 

Congressman Bob Ватт (R-Ga.), who 
had on occasion ranted about the 
“flames of hedonism, the flames of nar- 
cissism, the flames of self-centered mo- 
rality” of our permissive society, now 
called for impeachment. 

Ronald Brownstein, in the Los Angeles 
Times, declared, “With its unmistakable 
tone of disgust, Starr's manifesto is not 
only the opening bell in a battle over im- 
peachment but a resounding salvo in the 
culture wars that have raged for a quar- 
ter century about the impact of the Baby 
Boom generation on American morals.” 

The House Judiciary Committee vot- 
ed to release the tape of Clinton's depo- 
sition. The nation watched four hours of 


legal jousting. Clinton steadfastly de- 
fended his admission of inappropriate 
conduct as sufficient; the definition con- 
cocted by Paula Jones’ legal team was 
bizarre. His denial was legally true, ifab- 
surd. It was not his job to do the work 
for the opposing counsel. His anger be- 
came our anger. His approval rating 
rose to extraordinary heights. 

Salon magazine, an Internet publica- 
tion, revealed that Henry Hyde, the Re- 
publican who had spearheaded the im- 
peachment inquiry, had himself had an 
adulterous affair—and, indeed, had bro- 
ken up his lover's marriage. Hyde dis- 
missed it as a youthful indiscretion. He 
was 41 at the time. Congressman Dan 
Burton (R-Ind.) and Congresswoman 
Helen Chenoweth (R-Idaho), both Clin- 
ton opponents, confessed they had had 
extramarital affairs. Columnists began to 
question what we required of a public fig- 
ure, where the inquisition might lead. 
USA Today reported that an “air of sexual 
McCarthyism chills the nation's capital.” 

Larry Flynt offered a $1 million boun- 
ty for anyone who could prove adultery 
in high places. If Ken Starr could squan- 
der the taxpayers’ money on a sexual 
witch-hunt, why not a private citizen? 

Voters in the November 1998 election 
expressed their dissatisfaction with Re- 
publican moralizers. When the GOP lost 
five House seats, Newt Gingrich stepped 
down as Speaker of the House and strat- 
egist for the party. 
would only reveal the true 
ica—the hypocrisy of sclf-ap- 
pointed moral guardians, But the Re- 
publicans still moved forward. When 
they voted, they would vote with stones. 

The House Judiciary Committee split 
21-16 along party lines to move the ar- 
ticles of impeachment to the entire 
House. It’s not the sex, the majority said, 
it’s the lying. 

The nation watched Republicans who 
had themselves cheated on wives and 
broken marital oaths make speeches 
about sacred honor, the rule of law, 
about what to tell the children, about the 
meaning of oaths, about truth and lies 
and the ability to lead. They watched 
Democrats discuss the triviality of the 
charges, the Founding Fathers’ intent 
when they first drafted the words “high 
crimes and misdemeanors.” 

It was moral karaoke, practiced indig- 
nation, the inspired reading of a Starr- 
scripted score. It was the great American 
art of hypocrisy played large. On the day 
of the vote, Robert Livingston, a Loui 
ana Republican slated to become Speak- 
er of the House, stunned his peers. Liv- 
ingston admitted to a series of marital 
infidelities. He offered his resignation as 
a model for the President. Larry Flynt's 
million-dollar bounty had claimed its 
first victim. 

Along strict party lines, the House vot- 
ed 228 to 206 to impeach Clinton for 


perjury in his 
to 212 for obstruction of justice. The air 
le the Beltway was bitter, brittle and 
bipartisan. Clinton’s response to the vote 
(and to Livingston’s resignation) was a 
simple statement: “We must stop the pol- 
itics of personal destruction.” 

On February 9, 1999, Henry Hyde, 
acting as manager of the House prosecu- 
tion team, made his closing argument 
before the Senate. “I wonder if after this 
culture war is over," he warned, “an Amer- 
ica will survive that's worth fighting to 
defend.” 

The Senate acquitted Clinton of per- 
jury (55-45) and obstruction of justice 
(50-50). That vote, more than any other 
measure, became the lasting battlefield 
statistic of the Sexual Revolution. Are we 
having sex yet? It was almost too close 
to call 


POSTSCRIPT 


The Sexual Revolution had begun as 
a clash of personalities. Self-appointed 
champions grappled to control the sex 
lives of millions. Anthony Comstock ver- 
sus Margaret Sanger. Will Hays and the 
Legion of Decency versus Hollywood. 
Charles Keating and the Citizens for De- 
cent Literature versus Lenny Bruce. Ed 
Meese and the Meese Commission on 
Pornography versus PLAYBOY. The Rev- 
erend Donald Wildmon and the Nation- 
al Federation for Decency versus televi- 
sion. Ken Starr and the Religious Right 
versus Bill Clinton. Like two actors fight- 
ing atop a speeding train, the conflict 
was fascinating. But the train moved on 
and we returned to everyday life. 

In the wake of the vote, Paul Weyrich, 
president of the conservative Free Con- 
gress Foundation, threw in the towel. “I 
no longer believe there is a Moral Majoi 
ity," Weyrich told followers. "I do not be- 
lieve that a majority of Americans actual- 
ly shares our values. The culture we are 
living in becomes ап ever wider sewer. In 
truth, I think we are caught up in a cul- 
tural collapse of historic proportions, a 
collapse so great that it simply over- 
whelms politics." 

The future of sex would arrive, pro- 
pelled by forces outside the politica 
The attempted Puritan coup was defeat- 
ed by the city electric, the technology 
that entertained and educated Ameri- 
cans, providing free and open discus- 
sions of sex. No longer could a prosecu- 
tor rise and condemn an act with the 
accusation that good citizens don't do 
such things. Ever since Edison's vita- 
scope gave us the flickering image of the 
kiss, Americans have increasingly made 
sex visible. The electric lights that had 
taken sex out of the shadows now pro- 
vided not a sewer, but a pulsing, sensu- 
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e 
(continued from page 120) 
? tutelage ofa highly paid coach. Nor does 
> he have a particular method of practic- 
< ing. “Different stuff” is a typical answer 
to a question about what he works on. 
7 Would he concentrate on one thing to 
м the exclusion of another? "It depends.” 
Does he ever resort to such practice aids 
as placing another dub on the ground to 
check alignment? "Now and then." 

Duval is equally laconic when it comes 
to describing the touring life. He has no 
set sequence of things he does when he 
gets up. His goal is to arrive at the course 
with enough time to begin warming up 
about 40 minutes before he tees off. He 
may watch TV or read the newspaper 
or talk on his cell phone, but he doesn't 
socialize. "I have very few friends who 
come to tournaments," he confesses. 

“David has some more money and a 
few new toys," his friend Scott Regner 
observes, “but he's still the same guy he 
always was." The toys include a Porsche, 
except Duval prefers to drive his truck. 
Though he doesn't regularly drink, he's 
been known to order a cognac after a 
victory, and he's been trying to quit 
chewing tobacco. But his tastes are unaf- 
fected, and if he has an extra hour on 
the road somewhere, he's apt to spend it 
at the local Barnes & Noble. He day- 
dreams about owning a bookstore-café 
someday. “When I step away from golf 
it would be something to do,” he says, 
laughing at the image of himself behind 
a retail counter. “It would be a place to 
hang out,” he continues. “And I could go 
fishing whenever I wanted to.” 

In a profession where many of the 
elite have forgotten they are playing a 
game, Duval strives to keep his approach 
basic and enjoyable. When he feels 
something in his swing going out of sync 
he simply asks his caddy, Mitch Knox, or 
his friend, Golf Pride sales rep Hank 
Friede, to look at what he's doing. 

“1 don't actually teach him anything,” 
explains Friede, a former club pro. “We 
talk about alignment or his position at 
the top. Small adjustments.” 

“David is unique,” his college coach, 
Puggy Blackmon, adds. “He's focused on 
what he wants to accomplish, And he's 
brutally honest, He was difficult to coach. 
I never questioned his motives or meth- 
od. But he was different.” In part, Black- 
mon means that Duval didn't need phys- 

struction. He already knew how to 
g a golf club and, more impressively, 
he knew that he knew. “He had this air 
about him,” recalls Blackmon. 
When Duval began playing on the 
tour, that air rankled others. With the 
sunglasses and apparel and a goatee, it 
s no pose. The goatee is gone, but the 
air, the cool attitude, has remained. In 
fact, it has deepened to the point of be- 

ing impenetrable. But so, too, has Du- 

178 val's command of his game. According to 


Blackmon, “he is secure in the fact that 
he is a great player.” 

То watch Duval play golf is to be im- 
pressed by the superiority of his driv- 
ing—almost as long as Tiger's and more 
consistent in the fairway. Equally striking 
is the general excellence of every other 
facet of his game, from accurate long 
ons to extraordinarily sensitive touch 
around the green (“soft hands” in the 
trade). If he has a weak point, it is his 
bunker play. Duval also makes quick de- 
cisions on the course about such matters 
as club selection. Unlike many golfers, 
who ponder and second-guess every 
shot, he never seems indecisive. 

But the amazing things about Duval's 
golf are invisible; what his opponents 
and fans see are only the results. The 
strong grip (right hand under the shaft), 
the fluid swing (with tremendous body 
action), the power fade (a ball flight that 
veers left to right)—these are the things 
we notice, but they are not what make 
Duval's game. Rather, they are manifes- 
tations of something going on inside his 
head. Duval simply plays a kind of golf 
unfamiliar to most people. 

“Your mind is always a little ahead of 
your hands,” sports psychologist Bob Ro- 
tella points out, referring to the phe- 
nomenon in any kind of performance of 
getting ahead of yourself, thinking about 
where you're going (if I just hit this in 
close ГЇЇ get the birdie I need). Rotel- 
la has been working with Duval since 
Blackmon introduced them when Duval 
was at Georgia Tech. “David gets his 
mind out there where he's looking for 
the target,” Rotella notes. Staying in the 
present moment, he sees the target, un- 
distracted by thoughts about what may 
happen after he hits the target or, as so 
often is the case in golf, misses it. 

Even the most stoic pro usually dis- 
plays some kind of emotion. Most, in 
fact, show a range of reactions. Duval, on 
the other hand, always acts the same. 
Before a shot, or before an opponent's 
shot, he betrays not the slightest sense of 
predicting what may happen. 

“I get on,” he says. "That's what I do.” 

And then, afterward, instead of re- 
sponding to whatever has happened, “I 
keep on.” No voices tell him if it was a 
bad shot or good. Duval's so-called atti- 
tude is in fact mental discipline; rather 
than wasting energy criticizing himself 
for a bad shot or crediting himself with 
a good one, he directs his strength to 
the task at hand. He never deviates from 
this Zen-like behavior. He neither pro- 
jects (oh по, there's a pond in front of 
the green) nor judges (I choked on that 
putt). He doesn't think about how a 
round is going. "I never put stock in it," 
Duval says, "because, yeah, so you make 
a putt on one hole. Well, you have to 
make one on the next hole, too. Obvious- 
ly, some days are better than others. I'm 
not concerned. I'm thinking more about 
making sure my score's as good as it can 


be for that day, whether I’m really hot or 
I'm not. You have to be focused on your 
score while you're playing and not on 
how you're performing. You need to do 
the best you can. You have to be con- 
cerned with the present and not with 
what could happen a few holes ahead or 
what happened at the last hole.” 


“Golf out here is very difficult,” re- 
marks Knox, his caddy. “You've got 144 
of the best players in the world coming 
after you every week.” Faced with that 
onslaught, and the inherent frustrations 
of the game itself, most golfers sooner or 
later retreat. Not Duval. “He has a great 
feel for what's going on,” continues 
Knox, who ought to know. He was by 
Duval's side when Duval hit a five-iron 
over water to a pin 226 yards away to set 
up a thrilling eagle putt on the 18th hole 
that clinched the 59 on January 24. 

Feel. Ws the most important word in 
Duval's game. Going back to the child- 
hood afternoons on the golf course with 
his dad, Duval has learned to play golf 
by feel. “We'd hit goofy shots,” recalls 
Bob Duval, who with his son's encour- 
agement now plays on the Senior PGA 
Tour, where he won a tournament—his 
firstthe same day David captured this 
year's Players Championship. "Big slic- 
ев, big hooks, hitting through branche: 
running the ball through a bunker, skip- 
ping it over the lake." 

When he was asked what was the most 
important shot in golf, Ben Hogan said, 
"The next one." Like everyone who pl. 
Duval gets in trouble—maybe not so often, 
but he makes mistakes. So many golf- 
ers, however—after getting into trouble— 
fear that next shot so badly that, in the 
words of David's father, they “are afraid to 
hit the shot that they sce will work." 

When David was a kid, his father used 
to tell him that golf has nothing to do 
with par. "A golf score is a progression 
of 18 numbers," he still reminds David. 
"You add them up at the end of your 
round." The son learned the lesson so 
well he could beat his teacher. 

“You know," David says, “it’s a simple 
game when you get down to the nuts 
and bolts of it. It's the most difficult 
game to perfect, but the game is bas 
on scoring. The game is about nothing 
else. So you can forget all technical, me- 
chanical, feel—you can eliminate every- 
thing. It's about scoring. Period. Low 
score wins. Not best swing, not best ball 
striking. So I practice and I prepare, I 
work оп my game. At times I'm mechan- 
ical when I'm practicing, at times I'm 
mechanical when putting. But when I'm 
playing, I'm out there to score. I might 
make a six on a hole. That might be the 
best score I can make. But if 1 make 
three or four twos through the course of 
the round, I sure made up for that six.” 


14 
rA 


"^ 
N 
SN 


THIS PRODUCT | 
MAY CAUSE — | 
MOUTH CANCER 


PLAYBOY 


SHERYL CROW 


(continued from page 115) 
the bluesy pop tune All I Wanna Do, in 
which Crow professes the simple desire 
to “have some fun until the sun comes 
up over Santa Monica Boulevard.” But 
her vulnerability and understated beau- 
ty have made her one of rock's most de- 
rable women, and subsequent hit sin- 
gles such as If It Makes You Happy, А 
Change (Would Do You Good), My Favorite 
Mistake and Anything but Down demon- 
strate that what's really on her mind is 
anything but fun and games. Many have 
speculated that Crow's most trenchant 
songs are directed at her ex-lovers, in- 
cluding Eric Clapton. While she doesn't 
kiss and tell, Sheryl confessed to writ- 
er Mark Ribowsky that her alternately 
scathing and plaintive songs are a mir- 
ror of her never-ending angst about life 
and love. 

MAYBOY: It seems that men to a large 
degree have inspired you to turn per- 
sonal pain into commercial success. 

crow: I have been inspired by many 
things. A lot of women have inspired 
me. A prostitute inspired me to write 
one of my favorite songs, Sweet Rosalyn 
One of my mother's friends inspired me 
to write Oh, Marie. 1 went through a 
phase when John Fante was my muse. 
He was a pulp novelist in Los Angeles 
in the Thirties who was known for wi- 
no writing, because he wrote about the 
dark underbelly of fame and celebrity. 
The characters in his novel Ask the Dust 
are beautiful derelicts, and I used his 


hero, Arturo Bandini, in the song Su- 
Е the streets like 
looking for Camilla. I'll be sat- 
in and speed. If you and I are still alive, 
welll get off these streets." After my first 
album became such a huge hit—against 
all odds and logie—I became a pariah 
among my old band, who resented me 
because I was the one being noticed. 1 
was so pissed off at them I wrote If It 
Makes You Happy, which basically told ev- 
eryone | knew to fuck off. At the same 
time, it taught me a lot about the nature 
of this business. I am completely uncom- 
fortable with the idea of superstardom. 1 
was labeled an angry woman, which I 
never have been. | have a healthy cyni- 
cism, but not anger. So I wrote the song 
Am I Gelting Through, which has the line 
“Lam sweet, 1 am ugly, 1 am mean if you 
love me.” 
rLAYBOY: You have quite a range of sub- 
ject matter in your song catalog. 
crow: I have written about people buy- 
ing guns at Wal-Mart—which cost me 
the sale of half a million units when Wal- 
Mart refused to carry my album be- 
cause of the song—the feeding frenzies 
of the media, the decadence of daytime 
television and the OJ. trial, which, by 
the way, forced me to throw away my 
television because I was so outraged. 
PLAYBOY: You toured again with Lilith 
Fair this past summer. Being a man, I 
must ask: Why is Lilith Fair necessary? 
crow: A lot of guys obviously have a 
problem with Lilith Fair—even Jerry 
well has gotten into it. He says the myth- 
ological character Lilith was a demon 


WHATS лі THEY Re мелем“ 
THe BLACK [| THE PASSING OF 
TA PAMELA ANDERSON'S 


2 


BREAST IMPLANTS, 


woman. You know we must be doing 
ething right to draw that guy's ire. 
ht from the start there have been 
jokes about Lilith Fair, and everybody 
in the industry thought it would be a 
bust. That might explain why it's be- 
come such a smashing success. | mean, 
it blew the Rockapaloozas, or Lollapa- 
loozas, or whatever they were, right off 
the map. A lot of whats on the radio 
now is onstage at Lilith Fair. I feel very 
matriarchal about it, because I'm an 
old fart now. 1 don't know who a lot of 
the artists on the charts are—I don't 
know who 702 is, 1 don't know 98 De- 
grees or the Sporty Thievz. At Lilith 
air this year, you saw Chrissie Hynde 
and the Pretenders! Is there a sane per- 
son who wouldn't rather see them than 
Limp Bizkit? 
PLAYBOY: You've written some intrigu- 
ing lyrics about the nature of celebrity, 
h as: "Wanna be Madonna but the 
price is too high/Perfect Rhythm Nazis 
in the pagan rhythm nation/Every- 
body's equal in the glow of radiation." 
crow: That's my Dylan imitation. We 
all try to write in that stream of con- 
sciousness, but only Bob Dylan got it 
right. That fixation with celebrities is 
a big thing with me. You have all these 
television shows with audiences that 
get vicarious thrills watching people beat 
up each other. It's just a queer sort of 
lime warp, searching for someting 
that has meaning amid all this shit. 
When we did the first albu 
cynical about the whole Reagan-Bush 
mind-set, which led to so much social 
unrest—the Rodney King riots and so 
on. The “pagan rhythm nation” thing 
is an homage to that whole Janet Jack- 
son sound, the military-style dancing, 
robots without souls. That's what we 
thought about everybody. And things 
haven't gotten much better since then 
1 worry now about what will happer 
George W. Bush gets elected president, 
because I think that we're on the verge 
of some serious change, and it won't be 
real good. The first thing the Republ 
cans will do is try to get abortion out- 
lawed and end all gun laws. I keep hop- 
ing that Colin Powell will get elected. It 
will take а nonpolitician to save us from 
the politicians who will eventually de- 
stroy us. 
PLAYBOY: There is another Dylanesque 
IT in 4 Change (Would Do You Good)— 
He's a platinum canary, drinkin’ Fal- 
staff beer/Mercedes rule and a rented 
Lear/ Bottom feeder insincere/ Prophet 
lo-fi pioneer." Was that a former para- 
mour of yours? 
crow: [Laughs] Again, people would be 
ised where these characters come 
id а couple of articles 
e of the Joe Meek col- 
lection. Joe Meek was a really lo-fi mu- 
sic producer in the carly Sixties. He was 


we were 


producing music in his apartment, 
recording drums in his kitchen and vo- 
cals in his bathroom. He eventually went 
crazy. He shot his landlady, then went 
and shot himself. He was really a loon, 
and that's what the song is about. 
PLAYBOY: Still, by the time of The Globe 
Sessions, the bulk of your subject matter 
was clearly romantic treachery. 

crow: That album was the result of tak 
ing some time off and kind of processing 
the last five or six years of relationships 
1 sat down to make it with all kinds of 
great intentions, and every time 1 would 
write a line about a relationship in the 
first person, I'd put the song away and 
say, I'm not going to put that on the 
record. By the end of the process, 1 had 
18 songs that I had put in the B pile and 
none in the A pile. So 1 decided that that 
was the album. 1 remember getting on 
an airplane months later and seeing in 
USA Today the release date. I just started 
bawling. I called my manager and said, 


It's not finished and I don't even know 
what it is." And then Bob Dylan called 
and said, “I have a song for you,” which 
turned out to be Mississippi, a beautiful 
piece of work that blew me away. That 
really turned it around for me, to be able 
to tack that on the album 

PLAYBOY: The rumor, of course, is that 
the "love sucks" songs on the album are 
about your past relationship with Eric 
Clapton. 

crow: 1 don't really feel it's my responsi- 
bility to go into every detail of my ro- 
mances, because at the end of the day 
the lyrics are all universal anyway. Every- 
body, whether they're heterosexual or 
gay, has relationships, and they wind up 
either for the best or in hell. I under- 
stand it’s human nature to try to figure it 
all out. Any time Im seen with another 
celebrity, it's food for fodder. I went on 
Letterman the day Matt Lauer was on, but 
1 didn't even meet him. The next day I 
was engaged to him in the newspapers 
And I can't tell you how many people 1 
know have said, "It's me, about 
my songs. I think they want to believe it's 
them. In reality, very few references are 
about anyone specifically. My Favorite 
Mistake is about several people in my life 
who weren't very good ideas—but not 
Eric, I've known Егіс for over ten years, 
and I can't look at that relationship as a 
mistake 

PLAYBOY: Did you feel guilty when Kevin 
Gilbert, your ex-boyfriend and a musician 
in your original band, was found with a 
leather noose around his neck in May 
1996, dead of autoerotic asphyxiation? 
crow: Not at all. 1 loved Kevin, but he 
was a really unhappy person. He was un- 
happy when I was with him, and noth- 
ing I did made him any happier. I've 
n anyone more at odds with the 
rse than he was—not even me. Кеу- 


ne 


T se 


un 
in's death was a colossal waste of a young 
and talented mind, but he just wasn't 


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able to help himself. I knew exactly what 
he was going through, becz 
through that myself. I w 
souri girl, raised in the Bible Belt, and all 
I wanted to do for a long while was just 
end it all. If I couldn't get a record deal, 
if the industry disillusioned me, if I felt 
unhappy, well, then I just wanted to kill 
myself. It’s not really that you want to 
kill yourself, though, and I don’t think 
Kevin wanted to kill himself when he 
died. You just want to get rid of what's 
making you so sad. It took five years of 
therapy for me to stop repeating the 
same stupid mistakes and find a strong 
identity. Kevin never got to that point. 
PLAYBOY: What's the best thing about 
your current relationship, with the actor 
Owen Wilson? 

crow: That it's still going great after 
a year. I made a movie with him called 
The Minus Man, which was directed by 
Hampton Fancher. Janeane Garofalo is 
in it, and Mercedes Ruehl and Brian 
Cox. I play a junkie, which is perfect be- 
cause I always wanted to be a junkie. I 
Just didn't want to do the drugs. 
PLAYBOY: Are you a true feminist? 

crow: Up to a point, sure. But I'm an 
old-fashioned girl. I want to settle down, 
have my babies. I love Bonnie Raitt, but 
when she gets up at Lilith Fair and says, 
“Let's synchronize periods,” I cringe. 1 
mean, do we really need to hear that? 
PLAYBOY: You're a friend of Hillary Clin- 
топ. Do you pity her? 

crow: I admire her and I pity her. I've 
met her and her husband. | thought 
they were both hung out to dry by some 
good old backwoods Arkansas swindlers. 
I know the type; I grew up only three 
miles from the Arkansas border. But I've 
been disappointed in him, like everyone 
else has been, for being so goddamn 
reckless. I think Hillary could write 
some kick-ass songs, but they wouldn't 
Бе rock songs. They'd be opera songs 
She'd be Aida, and she'd probably die 
with Bill in the crypt. 

PLAYBOY: What do you put on the stereo 
when you're about to have sex? 

crow: Barry White. He's better than апу 
aphrodisiac. Barry's been there for the 
conception of more children than any- 
one else in history. 

PLAYBOY: Is doing a great concert or sec- 
ing one of your songs go to number one 
as good as great sex? 

crow: A great concert is. Sex and great 
live music are both very transportive 
They take you out of your body, or deep 
inside it. Both can make you have an 
orgasm. Performing with the Rolling 
Stones was а complete sexual experience. 
for me. Singing Honky Tonk Woman with 
Mick Jagger is my definition of sex. But 
having a hit? Hell no! That's not sex 
That's pure, cold fear. Sex takes you 
higher. A hit means there's nowhere to 
go from there but down. 


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PLAYBOY 


JESSE VENTURA 


(continued from page 66) 
VENTURA: Pve heard that, but I've never 
received an offer. Who wouldn't consid- 
erit? 
PLAYBOY: How long would it take you to 
get into shape to wrestle? 
VENTURA: Three to four months of hard 
training. I'm in the worst physical condi- 
tion of my adult life. 
PLAYBOY: Would you grow your hair and 
wear the boa? 
VENTURA: No, Га go back as 1 am. I'd put 
. But it’s not going to 
appen. Га like to be the one who re- 
tired when he said he did. 
PLAYBOY: Any opinions about Stone Cold 
Steve Austin? Goldberg? Mankind? The 
Undertaker? 
VENTURA: 1 knew Austin in the WCW. Не 
was a phenomenal talent. Steve Austin 
was a jewel waiting to be discovered. 
Vince McMahon discovered him when 
the WCW couldn't see it. The WCW is 
just Vince's retreads. Goldberg's their 
only original, and they may lose him. I 
heard he's very unhappy there. Man- 
kind is a crazy guy By the time he gets to 
be 40 he'll be lucky if he's walking. The 
Undertaker's been around a long time 
now, a good talent. 1 don't know if he's 
the original one though. 
PLAYBOY: What about Sable? 
VENTURA: T and A will sell, but as far as 
talent goes, 1 don't know if she's got any. 
Women's wrestling can thank silicone. 


Breast implants are what make it pop- 
ular. Before that, it was right up there 
with the 


ets, an added attraction. 


football, boxing—though I went to the 
last Holyfield-Lewis fight and when it 
was over I turned to everybody and said, 
“I don't want to hear one word about 
wrestling." I watch baseball when 1 want 
to go to sleep. The only thing that would 
get me to watch soccer is if they removed 
the goalies. Hockey I'd enjoy if they'd 
stop the fighting. Charles Barkley said to 
me, “Hockey's a great game. It's the on- 
ly sport where you can beat the crap out 
of your opponent and the only penalty is 
that you spend two minutes in the box. 
PLAYBOY: We haven't talked about your 
career in Hollywood. Of the TV shows 
and films you appeared in, which role 
was the most challenging? 

VENTURA: The X-Files. | played a Man in 
Black. I've had more people say to me 
Why didn’t they spin you off into a ГУ 
series? Boy, were they stupid. That wa 
the most challenging because of the 
logue. When I first read it 1 didn't even 
know what the hell I was talking about. 
My favorite role was Blain in Predator, 
because that was going back to what I'm 
very good at. When I first got to the set 
of Predator they gave me my gear, includ- 
ing a rubber knife. I said, “What's this?” 
They said, “That's your knife." I said, 
e me a real one. 1 don't carry a rub- 
ber knife.” 

PLAYBOY: Did you ask for real bullets too? 
VENTURA: No, I was shooting blanks. But 
1 got my knife. And they were scared 
to death of me the whole time. I un- 
sheathed the knife in front of [producer] 
Joel Silver one day. He had become in- 
fatuated with my wife, Terry. He said to 
me on the set, “I'm going to make a big 
star out of Terry. What do you think of 
that?" I said, * at. I'll be happy to stay 
home with the ki So he couldn't get 


TAR: 
ES 
L SEX 


n 
ANS о 


to me. Then he said, “I'm going to make 
her take her top off. What do you think 
about that?" I calmly took out the knife 
and started filing my thumbnail with it. 
1 said, “Joel, that's cool. But just re- 
member something." He goes, "What?" 1 
said, “You've got to sleep sometime." And 
he went, "This guy's crazy. He's crazy." 
PLAYBOY: Who among the talent you 
worked with most impressed you? 
VENTURA: Arnold Schwarzenegger. He's 
a delightful man, one of the most fo- 
cused, ruthless businessmen I've ever 
seen. More ruthless than even I can be. 
Who else? I like Sly Stallone—he's per- 
sonable. A little more aloof than Arnold, 
though. Arnold will hang out with you 
more than Sly will. Oh, and John Lith- 
gow. I admire him; he's a phenomenal 
actor. In our fight scene in Ricochet we 
did it virtually by ourselves. He'll get 
down and dirty with you. 

PLAYBOY: Would you be surprised to sce 
Arnold run for office? 

VENTURA: 1 believe it intrigues him, but 
why would he? When you're getting 
paid what he gets paid to do a movie, I 
can't imagine why you would want to 
subject yourself to politics. 

PLAYBOY: Which actress turns you on the 
most? 

VENTURA: I've always been in love 
Sophia Loren. She's the most beautiful 
woman who's ever set foot on the planet. 
1 fell in love with her as a child when I 
saw her in £l Cid. Even today, closing іп 
оп 70, she doesn't have to take a backseat 
to any 20-year-old. And I'd say Sophia's 
real, if you get what I mean. I don't 
think Sophia's been enhanced. 

PLAYBOY: What other women are attrac- 
tive to you? 

VENTURA: I've always been attracted to 
brunettes more than blondes. I enjoy 
women whose bodies are real. 1 don't 
care for the ones who have had breast 
enhancements and their lips done. I've 
told my wife, "Don't ever think you need 
to do that stuff to keep me." 

PLAYBOY: You dined with Sean Penn and 
Nicholson when they came to Min- 
nesota. Any insights? 

VENTURA: Гуе got to confess to people 
"ta good actor. Jack is 
k you see on-screen is the 
Jack you get in your house! Who could 
ask for more? 

PLAYBOY: Your daughter Jade's favorite 
movie star is Leonardo DiCaprio. 

„that goddamn Titanic. 

k you can pull enough 
ngs to дег her an introduction? 

she was very little 
5 uated with Tom Pet- 
ty. When Tom came to Minneapol 
arranged for Jade to meet him before hi 
show. I don't think DiCaprio is out of the 
question. 

PLAYBOY: What's your favorite movie? 
VENTURA: Jaws. I thank God the movie 
wasn't made until 1 was done being a 
frogman. 


st as inf. 


PLAYBOY: Favorite music? 

VENTURA: I'm a big fan of Led Zeppelin, 
the Rolling Stones, Jonny Lang. Lang 
is the future of music. God works in 
strange ways, and God took Stevie Ray 
Vaughan from us and replaced him with 
Jonny Lang. He's now a friend. The mo- 
ment the guitar is in his hands he goes 
to a level none of us will know. He's a 
phenom. 

PLAYBOY: If you could 
who would it be? 
VENTURA: Robert Plant in his heyday. 
PLAYBOY: You were the first governor to 
declare an official Rolling Stones Day. 
VENTURA: Yeah, Fel 15. We met 
them before their concert and Mick pre- 
sented the first lady with a tour jack- 
et; Keith Richards 
looked at me and 
said, “You were our 
bodyguard in 1978 
and 1981 and now 
you're the governor. 
Fucking amazing!” 
PLAYBOY: Who's your 
favorite writer? 
VENTURA: It has to be 
Louis L'Amour. I 
named my son after 
one of his characters. 
Louis could write a 
book and tell you how 
the guy gets the shit 
kicked out of him and 
how tired he is, he's 
laying by this quiet 
stream with the stars 
overhead, and the 
next thing you know 
you're sound asleep. 
He could talk you 
right into sleeping 
along with the cow- 
boy character. 
PLAYBOY: Ever read 
any Hemingway? 
VENTURA: No, Hem- 
ingway lost his cre 
bility with me when 
he killed himself. Pve 
seen too many people 
fight for their lives. 1 
have no respect for 
anyone who would kill himself. 
PLAYBOY: That's a pretty h: 
say without knowing the circ 
VENTURA: No not! It's an easy thing 
to say. If you're to the point of killing 
yourself, and you're that depressed, life 
can only get better. If you're a feeble, 
weak-minded person to begin with, 1 
don't have time for you 

PLAYBOY: Let's talk about some of your 
other outspoken beliefs—such as the 
JFK conspiracy. 

VENTURA: Name me one person who can 
verify that the Warren Commission is 
factual. You're talking to an ex-Navy 
Seal here. Oswald had seven seconds to 
get three rounds off. He's got a bolt-ac- 
tion weapon, and he's going to miss the 


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and became pro-Marxist and decided to 
shoot the president—please explain why 
everything would be locked in the 
archives until 2029 and put under na- 
tional security? How could he affect na- 
tional security? 

PLAYBOY: So after all your reading and 
research, who do you think killed Presi- 
dent Kennedy? 

VENTURA: 1 believe the hired shooters 
could be from anywhere—Europeans, 
Cubans. They re just hired guns. 
PLAYBOY: Who hired the shooters? 
VENTURA: I don't know if I want to get in- 
to this on your tape. I don't want people 


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to think I'm some sort of erratic nut run- 
ning the state of Minnesota. If you truly 
want to know, I believe we did. The mil- 
itary-industrial complex. 1 believe Ken- 
nedy was going to withdraw us from Viet- 
nam and there were factions that didn't 
want that. 

PLAYBOY: But maybe the strongest case 
against a conspiracy is that we can't keep 
scerets of this magnitude for nearly 40 
years. Everything leaks. The president 
can't get a blow job without the world 
finding out about it. 

VENTURA: That's because every bit of re- 
al evidence is ridiculed. The method is 
to dismiss it by saying: “Oh, that’s just 
those conspiracy nuts.” 

PLAYBOY: How would your wife react if 


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there were a Monica Lewinsky in your 
life? 

VENTURA: I won't even answer that ques- 
tion, because there's not. And there 
won't be. She would not stay with me, 1 
guarantee you that. She wouldn't be ma 
ried to me for power, prestige or to be 
the first lady. 

PLAYBOY: Are you criticizing Hillary Clin- 
ton, who stood by her man? 

VENTURA: I'm not going to judge their 
marriage. Only they know their mar- 
riage. I can only say that Terry would 
have been gone. 

PLAYBOY: If you think you're in prison 
here as governor, would you feel like а 
caged animal at the White House? 
VENTURA: Sure. The president lives in a 
cell. He's the king 
of the jail cell [laughs]. 
He's the most power- 
ful man in the free 
world, but he’s not 
really free, is he? 
That's one of the rea- 
sons I won't do it 
See, when I'm done 
being governor, I can 
leave this and go 
back to some sem- 
blance of a private 
life. But 1 can put 
up with this because 
i's no different from 
when I obligated my- 
self to the Navy: You 
enlist and then you 
go off to boot camp 
and wonder how 
you'll make it 
through, then your 
resolve takes over 
and you do the job. 
But at the end of 
four years here, who 
knows, I may not 
seek reelection. 1 
could go back to the 
private sector just as 
ly as I came 


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PLAYBOY: Wc doubt, 
somehow, that you'll 
disappear from pub- 
lic view three years from now. 

VENTURA: 1 could do a second term. But 
probably ГЇ end up a beach bum 
That's why I'm going to shave my head 
and face the whole time 1 do this, be- 
cause when I'm done I'm going to go in- 
to seclusion for six to nine months and 
grow out my hair. Then I'll go back into 
public where I'll be unrecognizable. 
PLAYBOY: Let's say your life is over and 
‘over that you can return as any- 
ng you want. What would you come 
back as? 
VENTURA: If I could be reincarnated as 
a fabric, 1 would like to come back as a 
38 double-D br 


ver 


185 


PLAYMATE HOSTS 


Jodi Ann Paterson 
Miss October 


Cara Wakelin 
Miss November 


ORIGINAL SERIES 


E PREMIERE 


“десі 


его: ient. 


his October it's nonstop action with 
Playboy TV's lineup of pleasure-filled pro- 
gramming, Join us for the sizzling new show 
Playboy's Sexy Giris Next Door: The Premiere, 
featuring five lovely ladies all competing for 
the chance to shoot their fantasy-come- 
true video. Next, in the adult movie Jade 
Princess, a single man in search of the per- 
fect woman becomes linked to Kobé Tai, a 
royal temptress trained in the fine art of 
seduction. Then, when it comes to public 


«displays of affection, a group of curvaceous 


women take bump and grind practice to 
the max by performing for a turned-on 
crowd of jealous husbands in the Playboy 
Original Movie Stripper Wives. Also, in the 
adult movie Magic Eros, a cute young 
employee and her feisty female boss play 
for keeps in their quest to acquire a com- 
pany that produces the hottest virtual sex 
program ever created. Finally, let Playboy TV's 
Night Calis LIVE take you to a whole new 
level of awakening as the outrageous Juli 
Ashton and Tiffany activate the lines of 
communication sexually, At Playboy TV, the 
excitement never stops, 24 hours a day. 


Ж 


PLAYBOY T 


for program seodules got: 
www.playboytv.com 

Playboy TV is malti ram your local cabo television ooraor 

‘or homo satollito, DIRECTY, PRIMESTAR or DISH Network dealor. 
©1994 Playboy Enterprises International, ік. 


оп Hef's legendary round bed and 
listened to jazz on the outdoor patio 
; while indulging in pizza 
and sandwiches by Wolf- 
gang Puck. To cap off the 


If you host it, they will come. § 
Which is what happened when Hef 
and his Playboy family held the 
first Playboy Expo, at the Pacific 
Design Center in Los Angeles, on 
July 17 and 18. More than 6000 en- 
thusiastic fans flocked to West Hol- 
lywood to check out five decades of 


Left: Miss January 1996 Vic- 
toria Fuller wears the classic 
4 PLAYBOY covers comp shirt 


a Below: Miss March 1981 


Kymberly Herrin ond Miss 
Februory 1968 Noncy Hor- 
wood shore o chuckle. 


Above: Hel gives Victorio 
Silvstedt o loving hond. 
Right: Miss August 1986 
Avo Fobion shows off 
her merchondise. Below: 
Miss Morel) 1990 Debu- 
roh Driggs can't contain 


Left: PMOY 1995 
Julie Lynn Ciolini 
enbonces o toble 
of Julie merchon- 
dise. Whot’s she 
smirking obout? 
We'll never know. 


her excitement. 


successfull two-day fete, a сору of the 
first issue of pLaysoy was sold for 
$15,600. “This isn't a record, how- 
ever,” Hef says. “The most paid for 


PLAYMATE SNEW 


25 YEARS AGO THIS MONTH 


“I want to have 
my own career, my 
" Be- 


her Playmate sto- 

ry. Since then, Be- 

be has become one 

powerful rock-and- 

roll poster girl. Be- 

sides having a rela- 

tionship with Todd 

Rundgren (who 

was featured in 

Bebe's November 

1974 pictorial), Be- 

be is notorious for 

dalliances with Ё 8 
Mick Jagger, Iggy Bebe Buell. 
Pop, Elvis Costello 

and Rod Stewart. She has also 
raised a movie star (Liv Tyler, 
her daughter with Aerosmith 
singer Steven Tyler), fronted 
two bands (the B-Sides and the 
Gargoyles) and, as we reported 
in September, reemerged on the 
music circuit. “I like the sex, the 
power and the noise of rock and 
roll. I like it dirty and danger- 
ous," Bebe says. Rock on. 


a first issue to date is $16,400. That 
is twice the initial investment that 
launched the magazine in 1953." 


Jonet Pilgrim, Miss July 1955, December 1955 ond October 1956—and опе of the most 
populor Ploymotes—mode on oppeoronce at the Ployboy Expo. "The compliments I got were 
incredible,” soys Jonet. "People soid things such os, ‘PLAYBOY wouldn't be PLAYBOY without 
you.’ I've been on o high ever since.” Jonet wos plucked out of PLAYBOY's Circulotion De- 
portment by Hef to pose for the magozine. “She wos the girl next door with her clothes 


PLAYBOY legends and memorabilia. 


Оп hand were more than 140 Play- 
mates (including three-time Playmate 
Janet Pilgrim), arúst LeRoy Neiman, 
comedian Bill Maher, former PLAYBOY 


off,” Hef soys. “What a revolution 
thot notion would inspire.” Left: 
Janet ond LeRoy Neimon. Below: 
Greeting o devoted fon. 


cover girl Jessica Hahn, Kiss bassist 
Gene Simmons, photographer David 
Mecey (who dispensed advice on 
how to photograph beautiful wom- 
еп), Playboy Advisor Chip Rowe, 
PLAYBOY Senior Staff Writer James R. 
Petersen (author of The Century of Sex: 
Playboy's History of the Sexual Revolu- 
tion), Kimberley Conrad Hefner and, 
of course, Hef (the wait for his auto- 
graph was reportedly more than an 
hour and a half long). In addition to 
meeting PLAYEOY legends, fans hung 
ош at the Femlin cigar bar, gambled : 
at the faux casinos, posed for photos — = 187 


M 


» 
Favorite Playmate. 
By Howie 


Mandell 


My favorite Play- 
mate is every Miss 
November, such 
as Miss Novem- 
ber 1993 Julianna 
Young. My birth- 


day is on Novem- 
ber 29, and I like 
to think that each 
November Play- 
mate has been se- 
lected just for me. 
1 say to everyone, 
“Look at what Hef 
did for me. In lieu 
of a birthday cake, 
he gave me this 
pictorial!" 


IT'S HER PARTY 


Devin De Vasquez (Miss June 1985) 
was hoarse at her birthday party, but 
she didn't let that spoil the fun. Her 
recent bash, which 
also celebrated 
the relaunch of 
her website (dev 
indevasquez. 
net), took place 
at Barfly in Los 
Angeles and at- 
tracted such Cen- 
terfolds as Neriah 
Davis, Reneé Teni- 
son and Elke Jein- 
sen. Devin's guests 
ate sushi and danced 
while the birthday girl worked the 
room. “I had no voice,” she says with 
a laugh, “so all I could do was shake 
hands with everyone and smile.” 


Don't mess Elke Jeinsen. Mi 
Мау 1993 is a serious martial arts stu- 
dent. She trains in West Los Ange- 
les six days a week, in tradition- 
al karate jitsu, under seventh-def 

black belt Shihan Robert Cabral. “It 
started when I au- 
ditioned for an Ar- 
nold Schwarzene; 
ger action movie. 
They asked me if 
1 could do karate, 
and 1 lied and said 
yes. When I came 
back for my second 
audition, they asked 
me to perform a 
Certain karate move, 
and 1 had no idea 


PLAYMATE ПРИЕ 


what they were talking about. І was 
pretty embarrassed.” Elke started 
studying martial arts after that, and 
she has just earned her black belt. 
(Check out elkej.com for more pho- 
tos.) “Knowing self-defense is awe- 
some,” Elke says. “I’m not afraid of 
anyone anymore. Plus, I've been get- 
ting a lot more job offers.” Did you 
hear that, Arnold? 


PLAYMATE BIRTHDAYS 

November 1: Miss October 1993 and 
PMOY 1994 Jenny McCarthy 

November 4: Miss December 1989 
Petra Verkaik 

November 11: Miss January 1967 


Surrey Marshe 
November 20: Miss August 1972 
Linda Summers 
November 25: Miss September 1968 
Dru Hart 


GIRL TALK 


If you've had the chance to meet 
June 1969 Playmate Helena Antonac- 
cio, then you've heard her infectious 
giggle. We called the Garden State па- 
tive and, between laughs, she filled us 
in on her life. 

Q: What have been the highlights 
of 1999? 

А: Going to the Playboy Expo, start- 
ing my website, helenaantonaccio. 
com, and gearing up to write a book. 
Q: A novel? 

А: No, it's going to be a book about. 
maintaining 
one's health 
and beauty as 
one ages. Um 
thinking about 
calling it What's 
Your Secret? be- 
cause everyone 
comes up and 
asks me that. 
Q: All right, 
then—what's 
your secret? 

A: I work out 
every day. First on a ballet bar and 
then with weights. After that I walk 
for hours in the woods. 

Q: Who was your first adolescent pop 
crush? 

A: I used to love Ringo Starr. 1 know 
that he wasn't the most popular Beat- 
le, but he has a great sense of humor 
and, more important, a great nose. 


Heleno Antonoccio. 


Shannon Tweed, on her boy- 
friend, Gene Simmons: “| don't 


think Gene likes being up- 
staged by breasts.” 


PLAYMATE GOSSIP 


Come on down! Nikki Schie- 
ler has landed a prime gig as one 
of Barker’s Beauties, those sexy 
women who show- 
case the prizes 
^, on The Price 
E Is Right... 
PETA ac- 
5, tivist 
= Pamela 
— Anderson 
has launched a 
new line of cru- 
elty-free cosmet- 
ics. In tube news, 
Pam's hit series, 
VI.P, garnered 
an Emmy nomi- 
nation. ... Ava 
Fabian and 
Hef's gal pal Snoky girls 
Brande Roderick were sharp in 
matching snakeskin pants at a 
recent Mansion fete. . . . Duffer 
Lisa Dergan, whom we've dubbed 
the female Tiger Woods, can be 
seen in a recent 
issue of Avid Golf- 
er magazine. ... 
Deanna Brooks 
(at left) joined 
Team Playboy in 
the annual Los 
Angeles Revlon 
Run to benefit 
breast cancer re- 
search... . Julia 
Schultz recently 
became a mem- 
ber of the prestigious Aaron 
Spelling TV family. Look for her 
in a leading role on his new show 
Tahiti Royale. . . . Layla Roberts 
sizzled on-screen in the action 
flick Armageddon. Next up? A 
part in a yet-to-be-titled roman- 
tic comedy starring Jon Favreau 
and Famke Janssen. . . . Watch 
closely, that's Vanessa Gleason in 
а new Pepsi commercial... . 
When Bloomingdale's launched 
its new Playboy clothing bou- 
tique, Kelly Mona- 
co, in Bunny attire, 
made sure the party 
was hopping. 


Deanno. 


Kelly does Bloomie's. 


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ALSO AVAILABLE... 

1999 Video Playmate Calendar 
1998 Playmate of the Year Karen 
McDougal and 11 other gorgeous 
Playmates reveal their dreams, 
desires and breathtaking bodies. 
Full nudity. Approx. 55 min. 

279 Video KH1870V $19.98 


Our most exciting Video Playmate Calendar 
ever! The fabulous Dahm Triplets bring the 
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those blonde beauties join Jaime Bergman, 
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=f- Pl- ar 


(ом: 


ony's Glasstron (pictured on our model below) looks like a 
prop from the movie Matrix, but it's actually one of several 
new products designed to create a more intimate audio- 
video experience. To watch a movie in private during a 
flight from New York to Los Angeles, for example, you just connect 
the Glasstron (or the i-O Display Systems i-glasses pictured below) 
to a portable DVD player, p on the headset and shut out the 
world, Both devices have stereo sound and an LCD panel that cre- 
ates the illusion of watching a jumbo television screen from about 
six feet away. If your apartment is too small for a home theater 
speaker system, check out the Sennheiser DSP Pro ($270), which 
fits like a collar and simulates surround audio from any two-chan- 
nel source. Want to rig your PC for multimedia sound? Sennheiser 
also offers the $300 Computer Surrounder pictured below. Sony, 
Panasonic and Pioneer are just a few of the com- 
panies that make excellent CD players, cassette 
decks and AM-FM radios to go. However, if you 
want to turn heads, Aiwa makes the slickest mod- 
els. Its XP-series CD players, which come with sil- 
JAMES IMBROGNO 


HEAD GAMES 


BOYN 


ver Swoop headphones that fit around the back of the head, are 
particularly easy on the eyes (and hair). Sony offers a variation of 
the Swoop with its Sports Discman and Walkman units, as does 
Panasonic with its Shockwave personal stereos. Finally, if you have 
to juggle phone calls while doing chores, several companies, in- 
cluding Thomson and Cobra, are introducing cordless phones 
equipped with headsets. Typically, these 900-megahertz models 
come with a headphone jack and a gadget that enables you to 
clip the handset to your belt when you're going mobile. For 
something more streamlined, try the General Electric option 
below. It's no bigger than the palm of your hand and is designed 
solely for hands- 
free talk 

—BETH TOMKIW 


Left: Sony's six-ounce Glass- 
tron headset features flip-up 
goggles conta 
uid crystal displays. It functions in any lighting condition and соп- 
nects to a DVD player, VCR, camcorder or stereo system (about 
$900). Clockwise from top left: General Electric’s 40-channel 900- 
megahertz phone (model 2-9917) clips to your belt and features a 
headset with adjustable volume control ($100). The Televiz 
from i-O Display Systems соті 
sonic's P10 DVD player and a 3/-hour rechargeable battery in a 
carrying case (51500). Aiwa's XP-V70 CD player has a 40-second shock 
memory and Swoop headphones ($100), and Sennheiser's Surruund- 
er is a Dolby Pro Logic audio system for the computer ($300). 


191 


You're 
” the Тор 
Former Olympic rhyth- 

mic gymnast, Bad Boy mod- 

el and Budweiser beer promo 
girl KATJA GLADSON is falling, 
out of all her clothes, How lucky 
can we get? 


GRAPEVINE 


My Favorite Martin 

It's a laughing matter: RICKY MARTIN has 
two platinum CDs on the charts and hordes 
of screaming fans—including Madonna, who 
signed up for a song, and Luciano Pavarotti, 
who invited him onstage. Viva Latin pop. 


They Call 
the Wind 
Mariah 
Superstar diva 
MARIAH 
CAREY hits the 
high notes in 
this outfit. 


Water, 
Water 
Every- 
where 

Hot Body mod- 
el BRIDGETT 
ANN was a Ma- 
rine in Opera- 
tion Desert 
Storm. Now 
she storms in 
the 1999 Mid- 
west Exotics 
Calendar and 
the DVD The 
Summer Wet 
T-Shirt Finals. 


Strike a Pose 

KELLY MILLER went West to participate in the Hot Body Booty Contest and 
was featured on the cover of Leg Action last spring. We've examined 

the booty and the leg. They deserve the tributes. 


Summer in the City 
You remember CREE SUMMER from A Dif- 
ferent World. But now you'll know her for 
her album Street Faerie, produced by Len- 
ny Kravitz. Jazzy, grainy-voiced and sav- 
vy, Summer is always in season. 


POTPOURRI 


PENGUIN POWER 


Penguin Caffeinated Peppermints are a new 
confection that ofter fresh breath with a kick. 
Three Penguins, the company says, pack the 
same caffeine wallop as one cola beverage. 
“We've gotten e-mail from clubbers, truckers 
and Silicon Valley CEOs,” says company vice 
president Adam S "Apparently people 
were just waiting for this product." Urban Out- 
fitters and other hip stores sell the mints; 
they're about $3 for a tin containing 75. 


BE PREPARED 


“How can you get 
more cutting edge 


nt, president of 
Durex Consumer Prod- 
ucts. His company and 
fashion designer Mau- 
rice Malone have 
teamed up to create a 
line of men's boxer 
shorts featuring a 
pocket that holds a 
Durex Extra Sensitive 
condom. Five styles of 
shorts are available, 
priced from $15 to 
red, white, 

па blue. For in- 
formation on ordering, 
go to mauricemalone 
usa.com or try a spe- 
cialty store, such as 
Bernini in Los Angeles, 
or Exito or Doha Fash- 
ion in New York. 


BOARDWALK 2000 


Parker Brothers' Millennium Fdition of Mo- 
nopoly takes everybody's favorite rainy-day 
pastime into the 21st century with style. The 
gameboard has an unusual foil look, there are 
eight redesigned tokens (inline skate, comput- 
er, сей phone, globe, bike, dog, airplane and 
car) and the money and buildings have been up- 
dated. The whole shebang is packaged in an em 
bossed tin and should become a hot collectible. 
Price: about 840 in department and toy stores. 


WE'LL DRINK TO THAT 


Неге are some new wine books to savor while you si| 
Zraly's Windows on the World Complete Wine Course ($24.95) 15 a re- 
vised, millennial edition with new sections covering the wines of 
Chile and Argentina. The Wine Lover's Cookbook by Sid Goldstein 
($22.95) contains 100 recipes “specifically created to complement 
particular varietals,” along with some terrific food shots by pho- 
tographer Paul Moore. Wine Uncorked by Fiona Beckett ($24.50) 
is a “practical introduction to tasting and enjoying wine,” and fea- 
tures a flavor wheel as a visual aid. Tasting Pleasure by Jancis 
Robinson ($15.95) presents the “confessions of a wine lover" And 
if you fancy the bubbly, Champagne Cocktails by Anistatia Miller, 
Jared Brown and Don Gatterdam ($12) includes “ 
and a directory of the world’s poshest lounges.” 


ULTIMATE WHISKEY 


You'll need a pot of gold 
if you go shopping for 
Knappogue Castle vi 
tage 1951 Irish whis- 
key. Aside from being 
a single malt instead 
of a blend, Knap- 
pogue 1951 (pro- 
nounced na-P0G) has 
been aged in sherry 
casks for 36 years, 
giving it a depth of 
flavor that whiskey 
connoisseurs have 
“truly awe- 
1? The price: 
60 


HOLLYWOOD'S VELVET FOG 


Mel Tormé left a wonderful recording 
legacy of both classic and campy tunes, 
many induded in films spanning five 
decades. Now his most memorable cine- 
ma hits are collected in Mel Tormé al the 
Movies, a CD from Turner Classic Movies 
Music in conjunction with Rhino Movie 
Music. His signature song Blue Moon 
from the 1948 movie Words and Music 18 
one of the selections. The GD, which in- 
cludes previously unreleased tracks, is 
$17; look for it in record stores. 


NOW YOU'RE COOKING 


For the socially insecure there's 
Help! My Apartment Has a Dining 
Room, a cookbook created by the 
mother-son team of Nancy and 
Kevin Mills that tells “haw to 
have people over without stress- 
ing out.” The copy is amusing 
(“Barbecuing reduces cooking to 
its basics: meat, fire and swear- 
words"), the recipes are 
and the Mom Ti 
ings following dishes make your 
culinary survival easier. Sample 
Mom Tip: Don't use wine la- 
beled “cooking wine” for beef 
bourguignon since this dish will 
pick up the flavor of the wine 
Price: about $16, available in 
bookstores nationwide. 


i Т 


\ | YACHTS OF 
LUCK 


E | Yachting's Golden 

“5 Age: 1880-1905 by 
ж former naval offi- 
сег Ed Holm is a 
$65 coffee-table 
book that cele- 
brates in text and 
more than 100 pic- 
tures the romance 
ofan era when 
„ men went 
down to the 
sea in style. That 
often meant wear- 
ing a coat and tie 
while at the helm of a 90-foot schooncr. Onc yacht, thc 247-foot 
Niagara, featured a huge renaissance revival drawing room, a 
darkroom and other extravagances, all maintained by a 65-man 
crew. It cost the owner, Howard Gould, $500,000 in 1808 (equal 
to $15 million today). Another yacht, Lysistrata, included а sea- 
going dairy complete with two cows. 


I'VE GOT THE 
MUSIC IN ME 


“А real FM radio iı 
head" is how Sound 
motes Sound Bites Pop Radio, a 
device that sends sound vibra- 
tions through a lollipop into 
your teeth and upward to your 
inner ear. All you do is slip a lol- 
lipop into the Pop Radio, pop 
the candy into your mouth and 
turn on the gizmo. With all that 
music in your head just try and 
keep your toes from tapping. Or 
you can save the calories and lis- 
ten through a plastic bite bar in- 
stead of the lollipop. Weird, but 
it works. There's also a speaker 
that amplifies sound outside 
your head. Price: about $10 at 
Target, Kmart and other stores. 


NAOMI RINGS OUR BELL 


NEXT MONTH: GALA HOLIDAY ISSUE 


NAUGHTY LITTLE CHRISTMAS. 


NAOMI CAMPBELL—SHE HAS POSED FOR VICTORIA'S SE- 
CRET AND MAGAZINES AND HEATED UP MUSIC VIDEOS. 
NOW THE SUPERMODEL TOPS IT ALL WITH FUNKY PHO- 
TOGRAPHER DAVID LACHAPELLE 


BEN AFFLECK—HOLLYWOOD'S HUNKY TALENT TALKS 
ABOUT GIRLS (ESPECIALLY GWYNETH), HIS BOND WITH 
MATT DAMON AND THE PERILS OF BEING RICH, SINGLE AND 
TALENTED. PLAYBOY INTERVIEW BY BERNARD WEINRAUB 


CELEBRATING SHEL— JULES FEIFFER PAYS TRIBUTE ТО 
SHEL SILVERSTEIN, THE INCREDIBLE CREATIVE TALENT 
WHO GREW UP WITH PLAYBOY 


PLAYMATE 2000 SEARCH—MORE THAN 20,000 AMBI- 
TIOUS BEAUTIES CAME OUT FOR OUR COAST-TO-COAST 
SEARCH. HERE'S YOUR 17-PAGE BACKSTAGE PASS 


THE DUKE—IN HONOR OF ELLINGTON'S 100TH BIRTHDAY, 
A DISCIPLE EXPLAINS HOW THE DUKE REMADE JAZZ AND 
SPREAD IT AROUND THE WORLD. BY WYNTON MARSALIS 


OUR NEXT WAR WITH IRAQ—THE CONTROVERSIAL UN 
ARMS INSPECTOR SAYS SADDAM WILL STIR UP BIG TROU- 
BLE MUCH SOONER THAN ANYONE THINKS. BY SCOTT 
RITTER. 


SCREAM QUEENS—ON THE EVE OF SCREAM 3, WE TOAST 
THE BIG-LUNGED WOMEN WHO MADE SLASHER FLICKS 
FUN AGAIN. STARRING NEVE, COURTENEY, JENNIFER AND 
DREW—IT'S A KILLER 


NOW WHAT? A BUMBLING BURGLAR GETS HOLD OF A 
ROCK STAR'S JEWELRY AND CANT FIGURE OUT HOW ТО 
GET RID OF IT. FICTION BY DONALD E. WESTLAKE 


PLUS: A ROLLICKING 20Q WITH GINA GERSHON, CELEBRI- 
TY CHRISTMAS CAROLS, GUEST SHOT FROM SNL'S ROB- 
ЕНТ SMIGEL—HIS AMBIGUOUSLY GAY DUO, LEROY NEI- 
MAN RINGSIDE, NAUGHTY CHRISTMAS BY THOM JONES, 
COLLEGE BASKETBALL PREVIEW, CLINTON'S LIFE LES- 
SONS, TROY AIKMAN THROWS A SPIRAL, SMASHING GIFTS 
AND A GORGEOUS HOLIDAY PLAYMATE, BROOKE RICHARDS 


dian Publications Mai 
196 Playboy, Р.О. Box 2007, Harlan, lowa 51537-4007. For subscription 


Playboy (ISSN 0032-1478), November 1999, volume 46, number 11. Published monthly by Playboy in national and regional editions, Playboy, 680 
North Lake Shore Drive, Chicago, Illinois 60611. Periodicals postage paid at Chicago, Illinois and at additional mai 
les Product Agreement No. 56162. Subscriptions: in the U.S., $29.97 for 12 issues, Postmaster: Send address change to 
related questions, e-mail circ@ny:playboy.com. Editorial: edité? playboy.com. 


ng offices. Canada Post Cana 


ENJOY OUR QUALITY RESPONSIBLY. ©1999 


Scotch Whisky Le. 40% by Vol. 


It takes patience 
* х 


waiting for the 


WHISKY ww 


to age so it can be bottled. 


It takes patience 
waiting for the 
WIFE 
to leave so it 
can be enjoyed. 


- One whisky. 


©1989 BAWT Co, 


bl 

3 Box Kings, 16 mg: 12470. nicotine av. per ciga gite by FTC 

SURGEON GENERAL'S WARNING: Smoking metod. Actual tar and nicqîme deliveries will vary bal on how 
Causes Lung Cancer, Heart Disease, + you hold and smoke your cigarette. Far more information, contact 


Emphysema, And May Complicate Pregnancy. $ eon es T С NU 


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