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STEVE FRANCIS WATCHES THE 6 PM SPORTSCENTER.

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One lucky winner will win a trip for two with two tall

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blondes, Miller High Life and Miss April 1999, Natalia

Sokolova to the college bowl game of your choice. -

Prize package includes round-trip airfare to the city

Sweepstakes.

hosting the game, two tickets to the game and dinner

with the Playmate.

PLAYBOYMILLER HGH LIFE COLLEGE FOOTBALL SWEEPSTAKES OFFICIAL RULES
1. HOWTO ENTER. NO PURCHASE NECESSARYTOENTER. Sweepstakes begins on August 16,2001 and ends on October 2, 2001, 11:89 p.m. midnight NY time. Complete and submit the entry
{orm on мем playboy com/milrhighli ог prim ful legal namo, parmanant address, date of bith, daytime talephono number and e-mai address И available] on a piece of papar and mall in an
anvelope о LaVerne Wiliama c'o Playboy com, 730 Fihi Avenuo, ath Floor, NY, NY 10019. All amail entries must bo псов Dy Tuesday, Octobar 2, 2001 at 1:53 pm, (NY ima) ond U.S. postal
Sires must be postmarked by October 2 2001 and received no tor thon October $, 2001 a 200 pum. (NY timo}. Enter as ofen as you ко, ul only ono entry por day, par envelope will ba
Recapte. Only hose entrants with completed entry orm, or containing the completo information described above wil be entered for a chance to win, No photocopies or reproductions ot the
nines will be eligible and each елігу most be mailed separately. Enis that ara incomplete cr legible win bo disqualified. Playboy com Inc (PCI, Miler Brewing Company and their parent
Sompenes, subsidies, les and agent (colectiva te "Group" ara not responsible for incómec inaccurate lost Li, misdirected, undeliverable or damaged mel or e maior mature
йога, imarupülons or isconraedone in pane lines or network harder or schwere whether caused by web a ог tapering or hosing, or by amy of the equipment ar programming
Associated wih or ййшө In the swoopeinken. Dy entering, entrants өрте 10 abide by and be bound by леза Offical Rules Al pote! winners release PC Mitar Brewing Company and their
Parent companies and tho Group and heir respective dia
Promotional agencies) frm any and ай а wil respect to acceptancs, receipt use o misuse of any pres or panicipalion In ths swoepalakes cluding damage lo computer)
2 GENERAL CONDTIONS. PCI reserves tho righi. it sola incre, 1o diequalil any individual it inde, nite sole discretion, о ba tapering with the entry process ar tho operation ofthis
Svopttakes or web sita; to be i violation of the terms of записа of tho mob ale, to bs acting n violation of those Olical Rule: orta be acting Wr a non aportamanie or disruptive manner. ог
Wih Intent 1o annoy, abuse, realen or harass any olhor person, Any us: of robotic, automatic, macro, programmed or like елігу methods will vod al such entries by such methods. Inthe
{vont of disputa 1 to entis submited by multiple users having the some omallaccoum, the authorised subzerbe of the ema account used to entr the sweepstakes at he actual ume of
huy wit be deemed o be Ihe participent and тын comply wih these Oficial Rules. Authorized account subscribe а deemed 10 be the natural person who i assigned an ema address by an
intemet recess provider, on lng service provider or Other organization wie responeble for ausıgrung email address or the domain cssociated wih the submitied erai address
UL Jor ory resson, he sweeps гой cpato ol unning 24 planned ороп of nection by computar vs worm, bug tampering, authored intere, Каша ec ars, o
‘thor cousas which in ho sole opinion of PC, could corrupt os affect tv adminisraion, sauray, aimws, integrity ar propar conduc offs svoopetakes, PC resarves tho right at lia sole dieco
fion to сап, termina, modi or suspand the Intanet poran of ihia aveepetakes for any swings) and sect Ihe winner ram regular mail un and Internal entries rocoived for that drawing
prior to те action taken:
2. ELIGIBILITY Each contestan must ba 21 yoars old or odor at the ime of entry and a U.S. resident. Employees fand relatives ol such employes) o PCI, Miler Brewing Company and the Group,
and relatos and judging organizations are nat eligble. Sweepstakes vol in Calloria, Utah and Rhode hand and wherever еге prohibited by law. This sweepstakes shali bo govemed by and
interpreted undar the taws OF he State ol nota, USA. without regard 1 it conti of ave provisione. AN entran lo Ns sweopstakes өрге thei any and all disputes опао out of or relating
in amy way to the eweeprtaker shall be Мире oniy in court eio in Cook County, Minois, USA
4, DRAWING ANO NOTIFICATION. Tha odde of wincing are based on tho number of eligible eniries received. Judges decisions in ll maners relating 10 or a
There wil bo ono winner who wil be chosen at random from ће eligible entis lor the pras at tha end ofthe aweapalakes, Winner will be notified by phone within two weeks of tha
completion on October 16, 2001 In the event the winner cannot be reached by phone by October 18, 2001 by 6:30 PM (NY т, an eltemata winner will be
‘chosen who will be notified by phone on Octeber 19. 2001. In tha event the sitornata winner cannot be reached hy phone by October 22. 2001 BY 5:30 PM (NY tima), tha
prize will be forfeited. Prizowinner wil bo rogulrad to sign and return an ов of оооу and Habla расту rloase within 10 days of smempled hatitcaton (which wil be provided va
Everight mall with return pro paid overnight mall materiala iretudod.} Trave! companion (who must be 21 ar older must al sign and ratur atit publicity release (which wil be included ln
grand prize winners package) not ater then within 10 days of aempted notifications. In the event prie winner snd travel compansons affidavit of eligibility end Hablitypuhlichy miensen are
fiot received by Ocobor 25, 201, tho prico package will be ford
5, PRIZE Prize la nontransforal, and no cash or оог substitutions wil be offered AI federal, sale and оса! taxes are the sole responsibility of the winner. PC has the right to substitute а prize
ol squalor grestar value if listed prizo Is unavailable. PRIZE PACKAGE: (1) Grand Pres: p for two to tha colega bow game of the winner's choice [within tha continental U.S. and which occurs
boiwoen December 1, 2001 and January 30, 2002) Including round wip couch al transportation fr two departing Irom narest airport 10 tho city hosing the bowi game; two nighta hotel accom.
тподацова (double occupency аз selected by РС. wo ісігі lo ualected bow game; opportunity to escon one Playmate o he bow game, drinks, anode ond souvenir st Ine game (not lo
ceed $500 for the two желде and dinor ser he game withthe Playboy Payinate (oll setmated rela valer А БОО ФО Any Vane gra
incidentata ro европы c winner, Win "vel companion must ba ov амо sometime between December 1, 2001 and January 30, 2002
6. WINNER'S LIST To obtain ће names ofthe winner send your name and e-mail address о adeales Ir playboy com or send a sel-ddressed stamped envelope to Playboy Miller High Lite
College Bow Sweepstakes, cja Playboy аот, 730 Fh Avanue 4h For, NY, NY. 10019. Residents of WA or VÍ may omit retum postage. Requests must ba received by November 0, 2001

PLAYBOY Y

Imago ol Natalia Sokolova 2001 Playboy
2001 Millar Brewing Company, Milwaukee, WI
Playboy, Rabbit Head Design, Playmate and Mise Apri

Medorarks of Playboy Enterprises Intomationat, Inc and used with permission.

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SURGEON GENERAL'S WARNING: Cigarette

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Mioaybill

WE KICK OFF our college issue with a civics lesson, courtesy of
a remarkable TV show. Before President Josiah Bartlet began
trouncing Bush and Gore in the polls, The West Wing had a few
things going against it. It was—and is—smart. Critics took to
it like a DC intern takes to lip gloss. This month we asked its
cast (only the fifth ensemble in our history) to sit for a Playboy
Interview with Contributing Editor David Sheff. Keeping things
progressive, we also include a liberal helping of skin. Get
ready to pass the baton to Leilani Rios, our favorite cause céle-
bre. She was thrown off her college track team for moonlight-
ing аза stripper. Now she paces her way through a pictorial by
Mark Edward Harris. Does she do a fast lap? Only if you don't
tip. Here's our tip. Check out the swamp foxes of South Car-
olina and rocky top teases from Tennessee in their particu-
larly humid pictorial. We gave you a hint—just a hint—with
our cover Playmates, composed by digital artist Mark Frazier.
Speaking of Lady Vols, when UT alum Erin Zammett interned
for PLAYBOY two years ago, she regaled us with stories of the
sweet and sexy lives of college jocks. Her perspective trig-
gered a debate among us regarding the costs and privileges of
top-tier programs. It serves as the basis for her report College
Sports in Crisis. Running counter to the mantra that young
stars are spoiled, in-house football analyst Gary Cole comple-
ments Zammett's piece with an essay on intense, focused ath-
letes. He should know. He's been putting together our Pigskin
Preview for years, with uncanny results. This year he predicts
the apotheosis of the Miami Hurricanes. Unfortunately, the
hero in the winner of our College Fiction Contest is a charm-
ing but chronic loser. Fishboy by Matt Mdntosh will leave you
gasping for air.

Psst! Want more inside dope? Our sense of privacy is being
usurped by technology and by outdated laws. It's not just
Big Brother who is watching, cither—it could be a wired neigh-
bor or a telemarketing con. For the back story on our chang-
ing mores, turn to the chat in Forwm with Robert Ellis Smith,
founder of the Privacy Journal. For stupid legal tricks, see our
excerpt of Smith's forthcoming book, War Stories III (Privacy
Journal).

Mama, don't let your babies grow up to be Nadas. But they
may anyway, particularly after they read The Four-Year Road
Trip by Associate Editor Alison Lundgren. The Nadas are rock-
and-roll barnstormers. The most recent of their four inde-
pendent CDs has sold 15,000 copies and they've played at
nearly every campus and concert hall in Iowa. Lundgren rode
shotgun in their fiery RV, Fox Smolder, and witnessed enough
wool-pulling and beer-and-cheer euphoria to fill a notebook's
worth of songs. Experience—and looks that could jump-start
an old pickup—makes Marg Helgenberger a woman who has
our eternal devotion. She boxed our hearts in The Tommy-
knockers, drove us to unearthly lust with a sex scene in Species,
and now has us yearning fora flashback (she plays an ex-strip-
per) on the hit show CS7. Read 20 Questions with Robert Crane. DE BERARDINIS

You have music, posters for the wall and a magazine loaded
with conversation starters. Now you have to dress like a guy
who knows the difference between Bauhaus and Li'l Bow
Wow. That's where Joseph De Acetis comes in. He's the Con-
tributing Editor for Fashion, and his Back to Campus feature
gives you a wide range of looks—sports jackets that blow
doors off blue blazers, and hoodies for a cute dorm-warmer to
steal. You have to pick your own Halloween costume, but
we're sure a vamped-out coed will emulate our legendary
screamstress Elvira. As a seasonal treat, Lady E posed nude for
pin-up artist Olivia De Berardinis. Take a look and let your
imagination run with the wolves. Then enjoy a sugar break
with a candy apple—Playmate Stephanie Heinrich. She's a fan of
the WWE Pet move? We bet it's the Heinrich maneuver. DE ACETIS

SMITH

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PLAYS

vol. 48, no. 10—october 2001

contents

features
84 COLLEGE SPORTS IN CRISIS
School competition has become a cutthroat business in which the victims are often the
star players, who graduate without an education. Now athletes are teaming with
unions and outraged teachers to demand reform. BY ERIN ZAMMETT
98 CLASS ACTION
Nobody said being an undergraduate was easy. We offer key tools for
survival, including your own D] kit and a 21st century hangover
helper. BY JASON BUHRMESTER
101 PLAYBOY’S PIGSKIN PREVIEW
It's been 45 years since we started picking winners—college teams and
Playboy's All-Americas. Once again we dare to compare. Our football insight
is legendary. BY GARY COLE
120 THE FOUR-YEAR ROAD TRIP
You've probably never heard of the Nadas, bui they're huge on the college circuit.
Our reporter hung out in their girl-packed RV. BY AUSON LUNDGREN
124 BACK TO CAMPUS FASHION
Ah, the challenge of looking sharp and being comfortable. Have we gol great news
for you. Plus, these clothes don't require your dad's credit card. BY JOSEPH DE ACETIS
131 CENTERFOLDS ON SEX: ULRIKA ERICSSON
She likes older men, risky places and lights on. Line forms this way, gentlemen.
134 200 MARG HELGENBERGER
As the star of TV's CSI, Marg lights our Bunsen burner every week. In
an investigative 20Q, she talks about knockers, Julia Roberts and sex
scenes. BY ROBERT CRANE
150 BUZZ FROM ABROAD
There are 5000 foreign study programs. None tell you where to drink absinthe, find
underground raves or meet topless babes. We do.
fiction
94 FISHBOY
In our annual College Fiction Contest’s winning story, a teenage crush on the cute
girl in class sends this dude to the bottom of the tank. It's a love story more twisted
than an eel in a blender. BY MATT MCINTOSH
interview
71 THE WEST WING

Rarely does a TV show create such intense buzz—or influence the nation's politics.
West Wing did that and more, grabbing 17 million viewers and a record number of
Emmys. To get the dirt on their White House, PLAYBOY sat down with the show's very
smart creator and eight cast members, including Martin Sheen, Rob Lowe and
Allison Janney. BY DAVID SHEFF

cover stor y
THREE CHEERS FOR THE GIRLS OF THE SEC:
Playmates Julia Schultz (right) ond Nicole Lenz
(left) join Miss October, Stephonie Heinrich
(center), os she leads o cheer for ruBov's Girls
of the Southeostern Conference. Photogropher
‘ond digitol artist Mork Frozier worked his mag-
ic for our special college cover. Our Rabbit gets
о kick hanging out with the girls.

AN AIA

B. p warren,

ADVERTISEMEN'

STATS AND FACTS ON THE MARRIED MAN

QUOTE

“Why did I wait
so long to get mar-
ried? It wasn't that 1
was afraid of com-
ment. It was that
Tjust didn’t want to
go into Williams-
Sonoma.”—JERRY
SEINFELD

BUMMER SOONER
Percentage Бу
which the divorce
rate in Oklahoma
exceeds the national
average: 75.

GOING DOWN
THE AISLE
Percentage of men
who say they receive
more oral sex

MONEY SHOT

Percentage оГ
women who would
prefer to wed some-
one attractive rather
than wealthy: 34.
Percentage of men
who would: 55.

GENIUS ENVY

In a 1997 survey,
percentage of poten-
tial parents who said
they would use gen-
etic engineering to
upgrade the intel-
ligence of their future
offspring: 42.

EATING OUT
According to a
report published im
the Times of London,
percentage of adulter-

getting married: 26.
Percentage of women
who say they receive
more oral sex afier |
getting marricd:18. N

ir of five
having,

LITTLE GREEN LIES

According to a
Reader's Digest poll, percentage of married
Americans who admit to keeping secrets
from their spouses: 40. Percentage of
those secrets that concern hiding the real
price of something they bought, the most
commonly kept secret: 48.

HOUSE OF THE RISON DONE
Value of the mansion that football star
Andre Rison's then-girlfriend and now
fiancée, TLC singer Lisa "Left-Eye"
Lopes, torched in 1994: $1.3 million.

HAVING YOUR CAKE AND EATING IT

Average cost of a wedding: $20,000.
Total amount of money earned by the
wedding industry annually: $70 billion.

OPPORTUNITY KNOCKS

According to a study in Psychology Today,
percentage of men who have had extra-
marital affairs and also describe their mar-
rages as happy: 56. Percentage of women
who have had affairs and describe their
marriages as happy: 34. Percentage of
men who have had extramarital affairs
who say they had little or no emotional
involvement with their flings: 44.
Percentage of women who say they had
little or no emotional involvement: 11.

TO HAVE AND TO FOLD
According to Arlene Dubin, author of
for Lovers, percentage of second
es that involve a prenuptial
agreement: 20.

FACT OF THE MONTH
men who die

A A!

ers who not only said
their mistresses were
better cooks than their
wives but also said that
the quality of their
food wasa big factor in.
deciding to. hee 36.

NECK BONE
In a Glamour magazine poll, percent-
age of men who say they enjoy nuzzling
a woman's neck: 10. Percentage of
women who say they find being nuzzled
arousing: 97. Percentage of both sexes
who find kissing in public erotic: 95.

THANK GOD THE THOUGHT COUNTS

In a survey by Bruskin Audits and
Surveys Worldwide, percentage of
women aged 25 to 49 who said they
commonly pretend to like а gifi they
actually don't like: 80. Percentage who
had faked enthusiasm for clothing: 53.
For chocolates: 15.

NATURE, NURTURE, SUTURE
In a survey of 300 parents, percent-
age who say they want their child to
become a doctor: 52. Percentage who
want him or her to become a best-selling.
novelist: 19. A pro athlete: 13. A movie
star: 4. President:

ANCHORS, BALLS AND CHAINS
According to Boating magazine, per-
centage of boat owners who would not
jump overboard to save their spouses:
13. Percentage who would dive off their
boat to save a hat: 95.

PAIN IN THE ASSETS
Average percentage growth in a
man's wealth following a divorce: 23.
Average drop іп a woman's wealth after
a divorce: 10.

ITS NOT TV ITS HBO!

OKAY
ANY MAN'S,
DREAM TRIP

A trip to the world-renowned Playboy Mansion.

Playboy and HBO will fly one winner and his
guest fo Los Angeles, CA for an exciting two-
day fiip that includes lunch at the Playboy
Mansion hosted by a Playboy Playmate, a pri-
vate tour of the Mansion Grounds by a
Playmate and five-hundred dollars In spend-
ing money. To enter follow the directions
below:

PLAYBOY/THE MIND OF THE MARRIED MAN
SWEEPSTAKES

1. HOW TO ENTER. NO.

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IN MARRIAGE,
NO ONE CAN HEAR YOU SCREAM.

a new comedy series

THE MIND OF Tre
MARRIED MAN

PREMIERES SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 16, 10PM/9C
NEW EPISODES EVERY SUNDAY AT 10Pw/9c AFTER "BAND OF BROTHERS”

Encore plays Wednesdays at 9:30ғм/8

iro ОЦЕ online al HBO com... AD KAD

arm Company, LP IT'S NOT TV. IT'S HBO”

No purchase necessary. Sweepstakes eligibility limited to smokers 21 years of age and older who are legal U. 5, residents. Void in FL, MA, MI, VA and wherever prohibited by law. Expires 11/15/01.

SURGEON GENERAL'S WARNING: Quitting Smoking

Now Greatly Reduces Serious Risks to Your Health.

YOU CAN WIN
ONE OF 250 TRIPS
TO THE ULTIMATE PARTY
WEEKEND AT

MFRS COUPON EXP. 11/15/01

2 ; OFFICIAL SWEEPSTAKES ENTRY FORM

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50 sweepstakes winners and their guests/200 local dance contest winners and their guests. For details, prizes, odds ol winning and Official Rules. call toll rea 1-877-744-1234 by 11/15/01.

contents continued

E
Es

vol. 48, no. 10—october 2001

T CI,

pictorials

132

138

RAPID RIOS

Leilani Rios was kicked off her col-
lege track team for stripping. We're
happy to train with her—nude.

PLAYMATE: STEPHANIE
HEINRICH

Miss October dreams of becoming a
detective. Hef, meanwhile, is the
sleuth when it comes to beauty

ELVIRA'S NIGHT MOVES
The Mistiess of the Dark is
our idea of a Halloween pin-
up. This trick’s a treat.

ART BY OLIVIA DE BERARDINIS

GIRLS OF THE SEC
Nobody struts their stuff like
these spirited coeds from the
sultry South.

notes and news

179

WORLD OF PLAYBOY

A Cannes cake, Hef and Liz, our
big book party.

HEF'S EUROPEAN
ADVENTURE

Cannes, Milan and London—and,
of course, seven girlfriends.

HEF IN EUROPE: PART TWO

The party continues with Ger-
many's PMOY and British MTV.

THE PLAYBOY FORUM

A nation of snoops, invasions

of privacy.

PLAYMATE NEWS

Little E's favorite Playmate, MM's
birthday tribute.

departments
PLAYBILL

27 DEAR PLAYBOY

31 AFTER HOURS

46 WIRED

48 LIVING ONLINE

52 MEN

55 MANTRACK

59 THE PLAYBOY ADVISOR

118 PARTY JOKES

164 WHERE AND HOW TO BUY

183 ON THE SCENE

184 GRAPEVINE

186 POTPOURRI
reviews е

38 MOVIES
A teen Othello, Swedish peace
and love, Barbet Schroeder
in Colombia.

42 VIDEO
Fuel adventure, the greatest
American movie on DVD, director
John Sayles

44 MUSIC
Yardbirds boxed, Nick Lowe,
Keb’ Mo”.

50 BOOKS

Life and Def, Kinky Friedman on
Texas etiquette.

PRINTED IN U.S.A.

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Real friends.
Real bourbon.

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mes B. Beam D

HUGH M. HEFNER
editor-in-chief

ARTHUR KRETCHMER editorial director
JONATHAN BLACK managing editor
TOM STAEBLER art director

GARY
JOHN REZEK associate managing editor

OLE photography director

KEVIN BUCKLEY, STEPHEN RANDALL executive editors
LEOPOLD FROEHLICH assistant managing editor

EDITORIAL
FORUM: JAMES R. PETERSEN senior staff writer; CHI ROWE associate editor; PATTY LAMBERTI editorial
assistant; MODERN LIVING: DAVID STEVENS edilor; JASON BUHRMESTER assistant editor; DAN HENLEY
administrative assistant; STAFF: CHRISTOPHER NAPOLITANO Senior editor; ALISON LUNDGREN. BARBARA
NELLIS associate editors; ROBERT Б. DESALVO assistant editor; TIMOTHY MOHR junior editor; REAGAN
BROOKS, LINDA FEIDELSON, HELEN FRANGOULIS, HEATHER HAEBE. CAROL KUBALEK, HARRIET PEASE, OLGA
STAVROPOULOS editorial assistants; CARTOONS: MICHELLE URRY editor; COPY: BRETT HUSTON

associate editor; ANAHEED ALANI, ANNE SHERMAN assistant edilors; REMA SMITH senior researcher;

GEORGE HODAK. BARI NASH, KRISTEN SWANN researchers; MARK DURAN research librarian; ТИМ GALVIN
JOSEPH HIGAREDA, JOAN MCLAUGHLIN proofreaders; BEYAN BRAUER assistant; CONTRIBUTING
EDITORS: ASA BABER, JOSEPH DE ACETIS (FASHION), JOE DOLCE, GRETCHEN EDGREN, LAWRENCE GROBEL

KEN GROSS, WARREN KALBACKER, D. KEITH MANO, JOE MORGENSTERN, DAVID RENSIN, DAVID SHEFF

ART
KERIG POPE managing art director; SCOTT ANDERSON, BRUCE HANSEN, CHET SUSKI, LEN WILLIS senior
art directors; ROB WILSON assistant art director; PAUL CHAN senior art assistant; JOANNA METZGER art

assistant; CORTEZ WELLS art services coordinator; LORI PAIGE SEIDEN senior arl administrator

PHOTOGRAPHY
MARILYN GRABOWSKI west coast editor; JIM LARSON managing editor; KEVIN KUSTER STEPHANIE MORRIS
senior editors; PATTY BEAUDET-FRANCES associale editor; RENAY LARSON assistant editor; RICHARD
FEGLEY, ARNY FREYTAG, RICHARD 1201, DAVID MECEY, BYRON NEWMAN. POMPEO POSAR, STEPHEN WAYDA
contributing photographers; GEORGE GEORGIOU staff photographer; вил. wurre studio manager—
los angeles; ELIZABETH GEORGIOU manager, photo library; ANDREA BRICKNAN.
PENNY EKKERT, GISELA ROSE production coordinators

PRODUCTION
MARIA MANDIS director; RITA JOHNSON manager; JODY JURGETO, CINDY PONTARELLI, RICHARD
QUARTAROLL, DEBBIE TILLOU associate managers; JOE CANE, BARB TERIELA Dypesellers; ВИЛ. BENWAY,

SIMMIE WILLIAMS prepress; CHAR KROWCZVK, ELAINE PERRY assistants

CIRCULATION
LARRY А. DJERF newsstand sales director; PHYLLIS ROTUNNO subscription circulation director

JAMES N. DINONEKAS publisher

ADVERTISING
PHYLLIS KESSLER new york advertising manager; jor HOFFER midwest sales manager; HELEN
BIANCULLI, direct response manager; TERRI BUNOFSKY marketing director; DONNA TAVOSO creative
services director; CAROL STUCKHARDT research director; NEW YORK: ELISABETH AULEPR SUE JAFFE
MIKE TRIUNFO; CALIFORNIA: DENISE SCHIPPER; CHICAGO: WADE BAXTER, BILL ROUSE;
ATLANTA: BILL BENTZ, SARAH HUEY, GREG NADDOCK; MARIE FIRNENO advertising business
manager; KARA SARISKY advertising coordinator

READER SERVICE

MIKE OSTROWSKI. LINDA STROM correspondents

ADMINISTRATIVE
MARCIA TERRONES rights & permissions director

PLAYBOY ENTERPRISES INTERNATIONAL, INC.
CHRISTIE HEFNER chairman, chief executive officer
MICHAEL T. CARR president, publishing division

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ҮНІ PLAYBOY

HEF SIGHTINGS, MANSION FROLICS AND NIGHTLIFE NOTES

A PIECE OF CAKE AT CANNES

Hef and his girls greeted the paparazzi at a press conference in the American Pavilion
at the Cannes Film Festival, where he accepted another cake for his 75th birthday. The
European tour also took Hef and his posse to Milan, Munich and London, where their
arrival made headlines, and the girls got in some serious shopping.

THERE IS NOTHING LIKE A DAME
Welcomed warmly by our own Lord of the Manor,
Dame Elizabeth Taylor ventured up the hill for a visit
to the Mansion on Movie Night. But no jousting at the
buffet was permitted.
MARILYN

REMEMBERED
Directors George Lu-
cas and Sydney Pol-
lack joined Нет, 20th
Century Fox and Amer-
ican Movie Classics in
the Mansion Diamond
Celebration tribute to
Marilyn Monroe on her
75th birthday. On the
other coast, Jason Cer-
bone (The Sopranos’
Jackie Jr.) and a bevy
of Playmate Bunnies
partied at the brand-
new Hugo Boss store
in Manhattan.

BOOKENDS

Book Expo, held in Chicago this past sum-
mer, is always an excuse for a party. Ours,
at Transit, was co-hosted by Chief Execu-
tive Christie Hefner and the editors of
PLAYBOY. Writers, including novelist Scott
Turow (seen here with Christie), Dr. Ruth,
John Edgar Wideman and Patricia Schroe-
der, stopped by fora drink.

1 see London, | see France. Hef char-
tered a luxury jet for a two-week jaunt
overseas, where he and his seven girl-
friends partied with international stars and
kept the paparazzi up all night. (1) Departing
from LAX. (2) Fasten your seat belts—it's going
to be a bumpy ride. (3) Kimberley Stanficld
and Tina Jordan sightseeing in Milan. (4) A
toast at Ristorante al Garibaldi. (5) Meeting the
press in designer Elio Fiorucci's Playboy show-
room. (6) Hef with Fiorucci and Domenico
Dolce of Dolce and Gabbana. (7) Kimberley,
iffany Holliday, Tina and Hef caught in the
rain in Milan. (8) Hef with Dalene Kurtis,
Stephanie Heinrich, Tiffany, Kimberley and
Regina Lauren aboard their private yacht in
Cannes. (9) Hef and his girls get frisky at the
Cat Corner Club on their first night in Cannes.
(10) Hef and Stephanie enjoy a black-tie mo-
ment on the yacht. (11) The gang is ready to
depart for a formal evening at the Eden Roc
on the French Riviera. (12) Stephanie and
na hoisting a brew on board the Esmeralda.

Ne ENNIFER
WAHLBERG

кыр Bere

va STE Aa LL Ba ШЕШ | ШІ
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(42!

continued

(1) Hef in high spirits at the yacht party he
hosted on the last night in Cannes. (2) Sandy
and Mandy Bentley (remember them?) madea
surprise appearance at the party and danced
with the host. (3) Roger Ebert and Hef give the
Cannes Film Festival and the yacht party two
thumbs up. (4) At the Munich airport, Hef
chats with British MTV and the German me-
dia. (5) Regina and Kimberley wow the locals
during a sight-seeing stint in Munich. (6) Tear-
ing up the dance floor at Munich's Playmate of
the Year celebration, (7) Hef stands tall with
the German Playmate of the Year and the two
runners-up. (8) In England, Hef, the guest of
honor at the Union Club at Oxford University,
is interviewed by popular talk show host Ruby
Wax. (9) Tina, Tiffany, Stephanie and Dalene
at Buckingham Palace. (10) Hef and his girls
are properly impressed by British supermodel
Jordan's notorious ever-expanding bustline at
a PLAYBOY party at London's China White.
(11) Not to be outdone, Tiffany flashes the
Union Jack.

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1 Part Night Vision
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CHICAGO, ILLINOIS 6061)
E-MAIL DEARPB@PLAYBOYCOM

HARDBALL PLAYER
It's no surprise to me that Chris Mat-

thews talked incessantly throughout his
Playboy Interview (July). Viewers of Hard-
ball know he enjoys nothing more than
the sound of his voice. His boorish, bul-
lying and egotistical demeanor are hall-
marks of a show that would be more at
home in the WWF than on a news chan-
nel. 176 great that Matthews is no longer
a Democrat, because with people like
him in my party, there would be no need
for Republicans.

Stephen Harris

Buena Park, California

Chris Matthews says that President
George W. Bush is unable to compete
minutes into an intellectual discus-
sion. I think he is overestimating the
Sprout's intellectual acumen by about 42
minutes.

ЈЕ. Laredo
West Peoria, Illinois

PAM ETERNAL
Pam Anderson (The Adventures of Pam,
July) is fabulous, and I'm

Pam's new nudes.

so thankful that PLavboy has recognized
her star potential from the start.

Christy Lee

Lenoir City, Tennessee

Pam made headlines when she an-
nounced that she'd had her breast im-
plants removed. I missed the coverage
when she had them put bac

John Byrne
Fairfield, Connecticut

Enough already. Please give Pamela a
rest and send her home to take care of
the kids. If I want to see a naked mother
of two, I'll look in the bedroom.

Mark Linkiewicz
White River Junction, Vermont

Enough for you, perhaps, but other readers
obviously don't agree. Pamela’s issue is the
biggest seller of the year.

THE SCHOOL OF HARD KNOXVILLE
Why waste a 20Q on Johnny Knoxville

(July)? I'm the first to admit that
tics can be somewhat amusing in a juve-
nile way, but he isn't interesting enough
to justify star treatment.

Jason Timmons

Fort Campbell, Kentucky

Johnny Knoxville is unique. He’s the
only living person without a brain.
Nina Wise
Copper Flats, California

My husband and I have watched Jack-
ass since its premiere and own several
homemade videotapes featuring other
cast members. Your interview portrays
Johnny as a reckless, immature punk
looking for his 15 minutes of fame. We
think he lives life to the fullest, and he
knows how to laugh while doing it.

Lenny and Brandy Shrecengost
Mayport, Pennsylvania

DOJO MOJO
Nice job on your article / Can Kiss
Your What? A Guy's Guide to Martial Arts

Kinetic Auto Relay
is powered by human movement.
There is no battery to change,
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how slight, charges it.

If it senses three days of inactivity,
it puts itself into a sort of sus-
pended animation. A few shakes
of your wrist wakes it up. It then
automatically resets itself to the
exact time, even if it's been asleep

for up to four years.

There is nothing else like it

in the world.

SALT LAKE 2002

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OFFICIALTIMER

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Named Official Timer at Six Olympic Games

(2 2001 Saito Corporlion of America

PLAYBOY

(July). Your advice on finding a school is
top-notch, and you score lots of points
for telling your readers that no martial
art is better than another.
Derek Paradis
Southbridge, Massachusetts

Your martial arts article is interesting,
but it doesn't teach your readers how to
defend themselves in a street fight. A
martial art called Contemporary Fight-
ing Arts provides the most effective meth-
ods to avoid, defuse, confront and neu-
tralize armed and unarmed opponents

Bruce Zagnit
Silver Spring, Maryland

KERISSA’S CRUNCHES:

I loved Kerissa Ғаге 8 Centerfolds on Sex
(July). E almost fell to the floor when I
read about her special sit-up talent. I'm
thrilled to know that I'm not the only
one who can come while doing stomach
crunches. It happened to me at the gym.
The harder 1 crunched, the better it felt,
until I reached one of the best orgasms
I've ever had. I've used this technique
during sex and it makes climaxing in-
credibly intense.

Terri Stork
Charlotte, North Carolina

HEAD OF THE CLASS

1 gave а weary sigh as I read Asa Ba-
ber's July Men column (“Swept Away").
1 usually like his point of view, but as
a fair-minded woman, I just couldn't get
behind this one. To complain that white

Hord knocks for Knoxville.

men are on the outs is like a bully in
the schoolyard crying like a baby when
he's struck back. Come on, boys, excuse
us if we don't sce your oppression as the
emergency you do.
‘Tamara Moxham
Ann Arbor, Michigan

It’s obvious that Asa Baber has never
been in a women’s studies class. Men

shouldn't let their fears and stereotypes
get in the way of learning.
Jean-Paul Yovanoft
‘Toronto, Ontario

Baber's column on women's studies
a little melodramatic. I'm a male a:
tant lecturer in a gender and society
course. Rest assured that all points of
view are taken into account, although
some are promoted more than others.
Asa, I suggest you take the courses and
read the books before you criticize.
(Name withheld by request)
Greenville, North Carolina
Baber responds: OK, I can handle it when
a woman disagrees with one of my brilliant
and incisive columns; but when men join her,
I take it as further proof of a worldwide femi-
nist conspiracy and 1 can’t fight it anymore.
America’s gender studies programs are shin-
ing examples of fairness and balance. God
herself approves of them.

THE BUSINESS OF BASEBALL
Allen Barra did a great job of digging
up a bunch of statistics to try to prove
that today's game is the Golden Age of
Baseball (July). But it's hard to convince
me. What's missing from today's game is
pride. The golden age ended when base-
ball became a business and not a sport.
Dave Banning
Minneapolis, Minnesota

THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm a 30-something confirmed bache-
lor who just read Timothy Mohr's arti-
cle Marriage Is in the Air (Here's How to
Avoid It) (July). 1 laughed and adamant-
ly agreed all the way through.
Chris Jones

TIPS FOR YANKS

John Mariani says tipping is consid-
ered poor form in a British pub (Going
Abroad?, July). As a bartender 1 can tell
you that although it isn't the norm, the
bar staff always appreciates a tip—even if
it's a drink. Of course, you should leave
a gratuity only if the service was espe-
cially good. Remember Steve Buscemi's
rant in Reservoir Dogs?

Nick Shove
Leicester, UK

VANCOUVER BEAUTY
I'm gaga for Kimberley Stanfield (Wel-
come, Kimberley, July). My vote for PMOY
goes to the fresh and sexy 19-year-old
Vancouver native.
Josh Friesen
Vancouver, British Columbia

One look at Miss July and I ran to my
garage to remove all the 1996-2001 Cen-
terfolds hanging on the walls. Now Kim-
berley is the only Playmate up there.

Troy Reahard
LaFontaine, Indiana

Kimberley uncovered.

Close down the polls, folks. Kimberley
is the next PMOY.
Jim Krout
Baltimore, Maryland

WHO CAME FIRST?

I don't complain when Big-Titted XXX
Anal Whores (my second-favorite maga-
zine) gets stuff wrong, but 1 hold you to
a higher standard. Chip Rowe's True Sex
Tales of the 21st Century (July) says Jamie

llis and Ed Powers are “credited as the
о make gonzo porn. For the rec-
ord, my On the Prowl preceded Ed's Bus
Stop Tales. Ed himself graciously makes
mention of this at the end of the first vol-
ume of his series. He thanks me for be-
ing his "inspiration" and for establishing
“anew genre in video." Rowe also should
have acknowledged Ugly George, who
in the Seventies roamed the streets of
New York and persuaded a good num
ber of women to disrobe on camera for
his cable-access TV program. To the best
of my knowledge, every gonzo producer
with the exception of myself and George
used plants. There's nothing wrong with
that, but to me, gonzo means finding to-
tal strangers and win; .

San Francisco, California

Technically, Gillis was the first. But we
think of these two pioneers as we do Neil Arm-
strong and Buzz Aldrin. Ed Powers has a dif-
ferent lake: “When you talk about gonzo, you
think of Hunter S. Thompson, who lived the
part and then wrote about it. I don't think a
paid actress riding around in a limo, looking
for guys to have sex with, is gonzo." We'll
have lo let Clarence Thomas rule on this one.

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after

urs

A GUY'S GUIDE TO WHAT'S HIP AND WHAT'S HAPPENING

SPUNK AND WHITE

By the time you get to college, you're
supposed to know the distinction be-
tween words that seem to be inter-
changeable, but aren't. Fact is, you
don't. As a reader-friendly service—and
to help the legions of graduates in the
business world who need to bone up—
we compiled a handy grammar helper to
take the bite out of freshman composi-
tion courses. Here are the correct uses of
some common pairs that cause confu-
sion. Study them. Memorize them. Just
don't let your girlfriend find them.

Accept and except: "Because she had
blown everyone in the dorm except me,
I was happy to accept her offer.”

Appraise and apprise: “When 1 ap-
praised the blow job at $25, the 'ћооке
apprised me that I was under arres

Causal and casual: “1 believe her casual
morals had a causal relationship to her
willingness to blow me."

Chronic and acute: “1 had a chronic case
of blue balls until I met acute girl."

Complement and compliment: “Y compli-
mented her on her lips, which comple-
mented my erection nicely."

Farther and further: "1 asked her to kiss

PICASSO'S BLUEST PERIOD

me farther down, but she said she wasn't
going any further."

Imply and infer: “When she implied
that she had an oral fixation, I inferred
that I was gonna get lucky.”

NO HOLES BARED

In Exquisite Mayhern: The Spectacular
and Erotic Photography of Theo Ehret
(Taschen), ortists Cameron Jamie ond
Mike Kelley assembled Ehret's imag-
es of famous wrestlers—along with
his specialty: shots of struggling, vo-
luptuous women in bikinis, a genre
known as “apartment wrestling."

FISSION TRIP

Anybody can careen down whitewater
rapids or slog through snake-infested
swamps on trendy adventure jaunts, but
for ncon-grcen ecotourism you may con-
sider the Nevada Test Site. It's a once
in a lifetime chance to wander among
the enormous craters (up to 1300 feet
across) and assorted debris created by
the 900-plus nuclear explosions set off in
the desert north of Las Vegas from 1951
to 1992. Since the last test the area has
been used for such comparatively in-
nocuous activities as hazardous chemical
treatment and conventional weapons
testing. Justifiably proud, the Depart-
ment of Energy offers tours. They are, 31

ANTS IN HER PANTIES

understandably, free, and last all day
With any luck you will, too, and emerge
to give the place a glowing review.

HEADLINES WE'D LOVE TO USE
(IF WE COULD ONLY FIND
THE STORIES)

Pretty Jung Things
Sacher Moms
Totem and Taboo
Hoosier Daddy
Das Boot, Dis Shirt

THE COLOSSUS OF
HOLMBY HILLS

We work with the guy every day and
he still impresses us. To the Edge has an-
nounced its updated version of the Sev-
en Wonders of the World, and Hef is
listed as number four. He beats out the
remote control, video games and Pamela
Anderson (sort of a double endorsement
of our man), but falls shy of breasts (no
32 argument here) and football (hmm). “Not

only is Hef a wonder of the
world, he is a godlike creature
to most mortal men,” the mag-
azine exclaims. (Relax, guys,
you still can't have our jobs.)
Coming in at number one is
ménage à trois. Trois? Haven't

that bad, just make sure you're
not seen with her in public.

Her cooking: You'll be picking
up restaurant tabs for months
to come

Her inability to hold her liquor
2 You like drinking alone? Or

222

Ay husband Mark

they been counting heads on 3 sleeping alone?
the Hangin’ With Hef page? > ) Basically, anything: She's not
your sister, she’s your girl-
NINE THINGS BESIDES A friend.

HER WEIGHT NEVER TO
TEASE HER ABOUT

Her mother’s weight: Think
about the implications here.

ON OUR BACK PAGES

In 1972 researchers began
the Boston Couples Study, in
Don't reveal that your fear of which they surveyed 462 dat-
the future is greater than hers. T к ing college students and have

Her new haircut: Yeah, we all " followed them since. According

know it grows back. You just to preliminary analysis of their
won't be the guy to touch it 95-year roundup. college wom-
when it does. BEEN: en are more satisfied with life

Her dancing: In fact, you | ТЕТІ in their 40s if they were eager

should never criticize anyone's Ш to have sex with their college

dancing—it's one of the See partner. College men, on the

freest forms of expres- other hand, are more satisfied

sion. You might as well snick- if they waited until they were in a

er at a smile. committed relationship before having

Her cal(s): Girls and sex in college. We don't quite under-

their senile, loose-blad- stand that last part, and we're not about
dered 16-year-old tabbies to try to figure it out, either.

have a bond you can't break.
Maybe that's why they
call it pussy.

The sounds she makes during
sex: Doesn't matter if she howls like
a Pekinese getting wormed. This is
something you keep to yourself.
And your buddies.

Her expensive new outfit: V it’s

FUNNY CRACKS

Audiences in New York have
been blown away by the sassy
and smutty female sketch come-
dy troupe the Shirley Chicken
pants Players. ‘They put the scat
in sketch comedy. Now the West
Coast is about to get a taste of
this deeply fried chicken: This

DISH OF THE MONTH

grooming on the go.

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WHO GETS THE $18 YOU SPEND ON A CD

saler

snare

month the raunchy quintet performs at
HBO's LA workshop. One of our fa-
vorite skits is set in an imagined rival to
Hooters called Cheeks. The uniform?
Backless pants. The outfits prove that fe-
male comics can be both sexy and capa-
ble of delivering a well-timed barb. Noth-
ing is sacred to them. What a Glorious Day
s а mock talk show focused on the joy of
irthing the brown butt baby.” Robo Ho
is setin the Smithsonian House of Presi-
dential Mistresses and goes way beyond
the staples of Monica and Marilyn to in-
clude Martin Van Buren's Butt Bitch.
‘The Chickenpants are always up for asi-
nine humor, and that's something we
can all get behind.

B.A. TO THE FUTURE

If you're too broke to invest in tomor-
row, myrichuncle.com will do it for you.
Rather than providing loans or grants,
the company issues Education Invest-
ments. Undergrads and graduate stu-
denis take the money and fund their
education on one condition: Upon re-
ceiving their degree, they must pay an
agreed-upon percentage of their gross
income over the next 10 years. (The
percentage is determined through es
of future nings based on the
student's field of study and choice of
school.) Myrichuncle that their
program is designed to make payback
less painful for students since monthly
increase only in response to a
rise in income. Initial comparisons have
shown the program takes in slightly less
than the total payments of similar stu-
dent loans. The only participants hurt
are those who score a high-paying job af-

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plan for liberal arts majors who are plan-
ning on a future at Starbucks.

THE TIP SHEET

Return of the Killer Tomatoes: The an-
swer to next year's trivia question “What
movie featured George Clooney, Who
Wants to Marry a Multimillionaire? bride-
groom Rick Rockwell and, as an extra,

Congressman and Chandra Levy-in-
trigue figure Gary Condit?” We couldn't
have made this up.

The Meatlover's Special: It was, accord-
ing to a Washington, D.C. Domino's, the
invariable pizza-of-choice ordered by
Monica Lewinsky, who once called from
the White House to gripe about insuffi-
cient meat on her pie.

Listerine Pocketpaks: Forget the mints—
these dissolving oral-care strips are like

WHY GIRLS SAY YES—REASON #17

Because we could have been caught.
"When | went to visit an ex in New
York, we went barhopping with his
buddy Tony. All night long Tony ond
1 ogled each other. We brushed up
against each other constantly. He
was intriguing, secretive, alluring
ond not single. However, ihe im-
mediate question wos how to ditch
my ex. Later that night, we all went
bock to Tony's girlfriend's minus-
cule one bedroom. She wos out of
town. The three of us got in bed to-
gether to wotch TV. My ex possed
out, Tony ond | started subtly ca-
ressing body ports under the cov-
ers. Would my ex wake up? Would
he be upset? When was Tony’s girl-
friend coming home? We got so
tense we left the bedroom ond I
gave him head on his girlfriend's
kitchen floor. | felt bod not wonting
Jo be with my ex, but | was excited
by the danger. Naughty, noughtyl
Does that moke me o slut?"

—Lola H., Chicago.

SIGNIFICA,

QUOTE

“If you set aside
Three Mile Island
and Chernobyl, the
safety record of nu-
clear is really very
good."—U.S. TREA-
SURY SECRETARY PAUL.
O'NEILL

HOWL-A-WEEN

According to a
study in the British
Medical Journal,
the percentage in-
crease in dog bites
on or around a full
moon: 100.

1000 POINTS OF
LIGHT
Number of Gen-
eral Electric em-
ployees with the ti-
de chief executive
officer: 51.

ALMA MATER
Of women aged
35 to 44, percentage who are married
to younger men: 40.

SEX TIPS
Amount bid at auction on Erot
icbid.com for labia clippings from
porn star Houston’s vaginal reduc-
tion surgery: $4510. Amount paid for
one of her previous breast implants:
$2800.

DEADBEAT MOMS
Percentage rise in the last decade of
single-father households: 62.

COCA PUFF

According to satellite images com-
missioned by the Colombian govern-
mentand the UN, number of acres of
Colombian land planted with coca:
400,000. Number previously thought
by the U.S. government to be plant-
ed: 300,000.

GREASE THE HOLE

Number of illegal sewage spills
caused by blocked sewers nationwide:
40,000. In an audit of LA sewers, per-
centage of 2000 overflows blamed (by
the EPA) on clots of fat: 41. Number of
annual sewer backups caused by fat in
New York City: 5000. Number of city

grease inspectors
for the city’s 21,000
restaurants: 6.

CARPET CLEANUP

New record paid
at auction for a car-
pet commissioned
in 1740 by Louis
XV: $4 million.

TAIL SPIN

In 568 airline ac-
cidents since 1983,
the percentage of
passengers who
survived: 96. At
current rates of ac-
cident and project-
ed flight increase,
number of serious
airline disasters
that will occur per
year by 2015: 6.

THE BIG EMPTY

The percentage
change in popula-
tion in the city of
New Orleans between 1969 and
1999: -25.

PLUCK OF THE IRISH
Number of years William McMul-
len, a high school football coach, suc-
cessfully posed as Detroit Lions half-
back Nick Eddy before being busted
in 1999: 20.

DILATED PUPILS
Percentage of college undergradu-
ates with credit cards: 78. Average
credit card debt carried by under-
graduates in 1998: $1879. Average
carried in 2000: $2748.

MAIDEN USA

According to a study of the quality
of reproductive health by Population
Action International and CARE, rank
of U.S. among 133 nations: 15. In the
same study, rank of U.S. among in-
dustrialized countries in number of
teenage mothers: 1.

SNOWBLIND
The night speed limit imposed on
snowmobilcs last winter in Wisconsin:
50 mph. Top speed of "muscle sleds,"
the fastest snowmobiles for sale:

115 mph.

scaling your tongue in icy plastic wrap.
Try them in your mouth first. Then you
can get creative.

Operation Chicken Snatch: The name
that Key West, Florida gave to a mu-
nicipal program to round up wild roost
ers and hens—and no, we don't know
how many shirtless guys in overalls
volunteered under some sort of kinky
misunderstanding.

The Mind of the Married Man: HBO's
dour new shot at the relationship mar-
ket. Think: “Guys in the City.” Although
the writing is often very good, Carrie
and company see more action

Custer and the Little Bighorn: Title of a
comprehensive, illustrated history of the
boy general's last bad-hair day by Jim
Donovan (Voyageur Press). Features
more images of Plains Indians than at a
nickel convention.

Jumptheshark.com: The site got its name
from the Happy Days episode where
Fonzie jumps over a shark on water skis
and refers to that time when a trend or
TV show loses its juice. Go on and de-
bate tipping points—was it when Big

GLASS LIGHTS

Cocktail shaker? Check, Swizzle
sticks? Check. Glowing ice cubes?
Huh? Now you can impress friends
at your bachelor pad by putting
these plastic ice cubes from lite
cubes.com in their cocktails. Freeze
them first, then turn on the small
interior bulb by tapping the ice
firmly on a hard surface. Each will
last 12 hours. By that time, it's a
guarantee your guests will be feel-
ing light-headed

Pussy got offed?

Light My Fire: Scientists have discov-
ered that bursts of a gas called nitric ox-
ide cause a firelly's tail to light. We have
a strong suspicion that it's the same
chemical signal that makes Viagra work.

DOG SHOW

We loved the mov-

ie, even those parts

we couldn't watch.
And now, in honor of Reservoir
Dogs' imminent release on DVD,
come action figures of the principol
choracters. Have your own Mr.
Pink, for example. Collect them,
swap them, cut off their ears and
set them on fire.

The End of New York: After a two-year
hiatus, the final two episodes of Ric
Burns’ New York: A Documentary Film will
be aired this fall on PBS.

The Discovery of Lake Vostok: A huge
lake exists two miles under glaciers near
the South Pole—it's about the size of
Lake Ontario and hasn't been disturbed
for thousands, perhaps even millions, of
years. Our question: Who the hell is Mr.
Vostok?

Journeys by DJ: A cool, sexy new music
series. First disc is by Nicolas Matar.

Wataru Tsurumi: Japanese author of
Complete Manual of Suicide. Search for it
on Amazon.com and the top match it re-
turns is A Bride's Guide to Wedding Music.
Coincidence? We think not

SUNSET STRIP

Crunch LA has a new aerobics class
where exercise buffs shed more than
pounds. Cardio Strip Tease is a new class
inspired by exotic dance routines and in-
vites participants to "explore their sexu-
al energy through movement." Natural-
ly, we had to check it out and arrived
armed with our usual strip club acces-
sories—a pack of smokes and enough
singles to pay the bills. Pro: As expect-
ed, the class attracted aspiring strippers
equipped with stilettos, cowboy hats and
tear-away pants. Con: Feel the pole
burn. Instructor Jeff Costa was serious
about all attendants using the stripping
poles. Pro: Acrobic body thrusting and
floor-humping soon gave way to some
choreographed stripteases. Con: We just
couldn't get our groove on to Madonna's
Erolica and Lady Marmalade from Moulin

36 Rouge. We weren't the only ones to have

to adjust our expecta-
tions. "I wish I came
dressed for the part,"
said one attractive fe-
male first-timer. "If the
music was sleazier and I
dressed the part in a hat,
boa and spiked heels, then
I could really get down and

dirty.”

SIMPSONOLOGY

Don't waste any of your time with
the Jliad and the Odyssey. The latest edi-
tion of the Oxford English Dictionary now
includes the epic Homer Simpsonism
hich is defined as a term “ex-
ing frustration at the realization
that things have turned out badly or not
as planned or that one has just said or
done something foolish.” Its inclusion,
incidentally, was approved by chief OED
editor John Simpson. And in the groves

BABE OF THE MONTH

of academe, Open Court Press just pub
lished The Simpsons and Philosophy. Yt fea-
tures chapter titles by various authors
that not even Matt Groening could make
up. “Thus Spake Bart: On Nietzsche and
the Virtues of Being Bad,” “Why Maggie
Matters: Sounds of Silence, East and
West” and, one of our favorites, “Hey-
diddily-ho Neighboreenos: Ned Flan-
ders and Neighborly Love.” The bright-
est flash of wit comes in the book's
subtitle: “The Doh! of Homer.”

Playing saucy moll Adriana La Cerva on
The Sopranos doesn't require too much

preparation for actress Drea De Mat-
teo. The 29-year-old chain-smoking
Italian American grew up in Queens
with her family and a godmother
called Monkey. She has more tat-
toos than she can count (in-
cluding AC/DC on her stom-

ach). She also runs

a hip East Village

boutique called

Filthmort, where

she ond her boy-

friend, Michael

Sportes, sell vin-

tage rock tees and

their own den-

im line. Dreo

has taken

a lot of heat
for her bad-girl
~ lifestyle, but she
hasn't had trouble
finding work. Lost sum-
mer she showed up in
Swordfish, Jon Favreau's
mob movie Made and
the Martin Scorsese-pro-
duced thriller Deuces
Wild. When she's not busy
playing house with Chris-
topher on The Sopra-
nos, the real Drea gets
domestic in her Man-
hatton walk-up with
Sportes ond two cats
named Treble and Bass.

When you know"

Drink responsibly. (But:
(Chivas Regal 12 Year Old World
ime (Bo Proof) Chivas Bros. imp
F

SCOTCH

by Josh Hartnett,

By LEONARD MALTIN

WHILE WE'VE all been assaulted by idiotic
teen comedies, O (Lions Gate) has sat on
the shelf for two years. Its release was
postponed once, after the Columbine
High School shoot-
ing, and again, after
another such inci-
dent. Having now
seen the film, I can
ess righteous in-
ation that a mov-
ie with serious intent
has been suppressed
while brain pollution
like Dude, Where's My
Car? has infiltrated
the atmosphere. O is
a retelling of Shake-
speare's Othello, with
Mekhi Phifer as a
black basketball star
at an otherwise all-
white prep school in
South Carolina. Mar
tin Sheen is his coach,
who considers him-
self the boy's sur-
rogate father, while
Sheen's son, played

feels usurped and ne-
glected. Hartnett seeks revenge by sour-
ing his teammate's relationship with the

dean's daughter, Julia Stiles. By layer-

ing the issues of teen angst and modern
racism onto Shakespeare's already-
potent story, screenwriter Brad Kaaya

105 no secret that men dominate the
movies nowadays. You can count on

the fingers of one hand the number of

women who have box-office clout, and
it's even harder to think of a mz
stream movie in which a woman actu-

ally carries the story.

"This wasn't always the case. In the
Thirties, Forties and Fifties, women
not only held their own in Hollywood,
but they ruled the roost, too. Strong
women such as Bette Davis, Joan Craw-
ford, Katharine Hepburn and Barbara
Stanwyck left such “utility” leading
men as the ubiquitous George Brent
at the starting gate. Comediennes like
Carole Lombard and Rosalind Russell
won the hearts of men and women, on-
screen and off.

Why the turnabout? One theory sug-
gests that in past decades, women chose
which movies their spouses or dates

touches a raw nerve. By casting and stag-
ing the film so well, director Tim Blake
Nelson has wrung every drop of drama
out of it. If O strikes some people as
melodramatic, they need only recall the
heightened emotions of their teenage

Mekhi Phifer and
Julia Stiles go for
the jugular in O.

—

years, or consult daily newspapers for a
reality check. ¥¥¥/

British director Stephen Frears is usu-
ally at his best when he’s observing Brit-

ish life, and Liam (Lions Gate) gives him
that opportunity once again. The milieu
is working-class England in the Thirties,
and the film takes the point of view of
its title character, a sweet, wide-eyed boy
who stammers, played by a remarkable
eight-year-old named
Anthony Borrows.
When times are good,
everyone sings, dances
and drinks together,
but when things turn
bad during the De-
pression, it doesn't
take long for various
ailments to surface.
Liam's dad (Jan Hart,
in a fine perfor-
mance) comes to re-
sent the Irishmen
who are taking jobs
from Englishmen, and
the Jews who run
so many of the busi-
nesses. His pride is
equaled only by that
of his wife (Claire
Hackett), who snubs
charity and sends
her daughter to find
а job—admonishing
her not to clean any-
one's toilets. Mean-
while, little Liam has the fear of God
bludgeoned into him by his school-
teacher and his Catholic parish priest,
who try to teach their young charges
about good, evil and the fires of hell.
Liam is not a cheerful film, but it is well

were going to see, so Hollywood catered
to them. (This went further than sim-
ply featuring females in the leading
roles; those women played assertive,
independent characters, and even if
they melted into a man's arms in the
final scene, the impres-
sion that audiences took
away was one ofstrength
and individuality.) Today, most movies
are geared to what marketing profes-
sionals call “young males.”

One genre from the Forties and Fif-
ties that holds particular appeal for mov-
ie buffs today is filin noir, and Eddie
Muller pays eloquent tribute to a hand-
ful of actresses who flourished in those
hard-boiled movies in his book Dork
City Dames: The Wicked Women of Film
Noir (Harper Collins), reviewed in
PLAYBOY'S June 2001 Books column. Au-
drey Totter, Ann Savage, Jane Greer,
Evelyn Keyes, Coleen Gray and Marie
/indsor are interviewed as the enthu-
siastic Muller chronicles their often

part as juicy as Windsor’

colorful lives and careers.

Any actress today would die for a
Stanley

Kubrick's The Killing, or Savage's in
the B-movie classic Detour. Those wom-
en all but cat their men alive. Топег
was selected by actor-director Robert
Montgomery to monopolize the screen
in The Lady in the Lake, in which the
leading character is "played" by the
camera itself.

Enthusiastic crowds of mostly young
moviegoers cheered these and other
performances at the American Cine-
matheque's third annual Film Noir se-
Ties this past summer in Hollywood,
making me wonder why movie pro-
ducers are so wary of building up
women's roles in contemporary films,
It’s been left to the indies to pick up
the slack, but there is an obvious void

idea-poor Hollywood could easily
did, it might find a lot more
women (and enlightened men) com-
ing back to the movies. —~

You won’t find a chat room like this online.

When you know"

А} lbs RE
REMIUM N

|| zi SCOTCH
Drink responsibly. (But you know that.) a |

WHO
(©2001 Chivas Regal 1 Year Od Worldwide Blended Scotch Whisk 40%% Alcohol by Volume (во roof Chivas Bros. mort Co. New York, NY. www.chivas.góm | HIS

PLAYBOY

observed and solidly acted. Too bad it
takes a wrong turn at the end, leaving us
unfulfilled. ¥¥/2

A film doesn't have to be an event to
Kill Me Later (Lions Gate) is an
ing, darkly comic tale that suc-
ceeds in its modest goals. The beautiful
Selma Blair plays a woman who is ready
to jump off the roof of the bank where
she works—until she’s taken hostage by
the co-perpetrator of a botched robbery
(Max Beesley). He can't believe she won't
succumb to his threats; she can't believe
he’s actually interested in her. Film-
maker Dana Lustig balances elements of
crime caper, black comedy and romance
quite well, no small feat given the mov-
ie's far-fetched premise. The key is that
the two lead characters are likable de-
spite their considerable problems. ¥¥¥

For an instant time trip to the era of
peace and love, try the Swedish import
Together (IFC Films). Set in the mid-Sev-
enties, it’s a gently humorous look at

a collective where a handful of young
people share living quarters and, sup-
posedly, a philosophy of life. For the soft-
spoken, unofficial leader of the group
(Gustaf Hammarsten), maintaining har-
mony on a day-to-day basis proves to be
much more diflicult than he imagined—
especially after he invites his sister and
her children to move in to escape her abu-
sive husband. For anyone who remem-
bers the hippie movement—its hopes

bring a smile of recognition. For those
who didn't live through the period, it's a
vivid evocation of that time. ¥¥¥

Director Baz Luhrmann has been
praised for his visual flamboyance in
Moulin Rouge. 1 prefer the equally fantas-
tic (but less cluttered) imagery of Ger-
many's Veit Helmer in the oddly endear-
ing near-silent film Tuvalu (Indican
res). A dreamlike fable about a di-
lapidated bathhouse and its denizens,
this quaint little film is strong on a com-
modity one scarcely finds in movies, big
or small: whimsy. ¥¥¥

CHECKING IN

O ALTERNATE BETWEEN SMALL,
“That's what I like, that's how
[the upcoming Murder by

OSE TO USE DIGITAL MOVIE-

2 “For me, it made the ad-
citing. Not only was I doing
shooting in Medellin, but I
the cinema of the future, so
es. 1 wanted the city to be

have the city present in
WHY DO PEOPLE THINK A DIG-
DE FILM IS JUST A GLORIFIED
OVIE? “Because people have
the new Star Wars, and

ı totally different ball game. Our
te Assassins is а directed mov-
written movie and it was

a movie. It's a movie movie.”

DES HE BRING TO THE TABLE AS A

© MOVIE LOVER? “I don't know
serious artist who doesn't think
iat was done before and try to
ething new, try to honor the
reinventing. Knowing film
me in the same way know-

ig is for a painter or know-

e is for a writer.” HAVING

HE FINALLY STEPPED BE-
ooo THE CAMERA? "That
you're alone." — м.

MOVIE SCORE CARD

capsule close-ups of current films
by leonard maltin

Jurossic Park MI (Listed only) Here is
proof positive that a popcorn movie
can be short, smart and fun: Good
scares, good dialogue and a good cast
make the difference.

comes a hostage for bumbling bank
robber Max Beesley. This likable
black comedy benefits from two char- |

ismatic lead performances. vvv
Legally Blonde (Listed only) Reese
Witherspoon is delightful as a Barbie
type who goes to Harvard Law School
and discovers smarts she didn't know
she had. yyy
Liom (See review) Life is hard for
working-class people in England—
even a wide-eyed little boy—during
the Great Depression of the Thirties.
Director Stephen Frears covers famil-
iar bleak territory with a keen eye,
but this story makes a serious wrong
turn near the end. Wh
O (See review) Josh Hartnett is im-
pressive as a modern-day lago who
leads prep-school basketball star Mek-
hi Phifer and girlfriend Julia Stiles
into a trap of Shakespearean jealou-
sy and deceit. Tim Blake Nelson di-
rected this long-delayed variation on
Othello. ww
Our Lady of the Assassins (Listed only)
Barbet Schroeder's unblinking look
at gay relationships amid terror and
anarchy in Colombia. A daring and
vivid piece of moviemaking. ¥¥¥
The Score (Listed only) Robert De Ni-
ro, Edward Norton, Angela Bassett
and Marlon Brando would make
movie worth seeing; this slow-but-
steady caper film gives them all a
chance to shine and piles on twists till
the final frame. yyy
Sexy Beost (Listed only) Ben Kingsley
gives a ferocious and command-
ing performance as an underworld
go-between who rousts Ray Win-
stone out of his comfortable retire-
ment to do the inevitable “one more
job.” The story isn't nearly as good—
or cohesive—as the performances,
but those performances make this a
must-see, Wh
Together (See review) A wry look at a
Swedish collective, circa 1975, where
peace and love don’t quite pan out on
a day-to-day basis. vvv
Tuvalu (Sce review) Life, love, drama
and suspense converge at a crum

bling European bathhouse. This odd

little film has virtually no dialogue |

but lots of charm. yyy

YYYY Don't miss
YYY Good show

YY Worth a look
Y Forget it

USO Smokeless

TOBACCO’ CO

LESE on

“My favorite hard-
to-find American
movie is Billy Wil-
der's Big Carni-

val (Aca in the.
Hole,” says director
John Sayles. "It's one

of the first to recognize
how the media can not

only distort but actual-

ly alter events in their

quest for a juicy story. y

Wilder is at his most У
pessimistic, and Kirk /

Douglas is brilliant as

the charming, op- м. Ё
portunistic newshound. Dark, relentless
and beautifully framed, it has one of the
greatest last shots in cinema. One of
the best films never to make a dime at the
box office.” —SUSAN KARLIN

||
\

SLICK CINEMA

Although gas prices have moderated, oil
barons will never win any popularity
contests. In fact, Hollywood has always
greased the greedy gas moguls.

King Kong (1976): If it weren't for the
nasty Petrox company's looking for new
oil-exploration sites in the jungles of a
remote island, the big ape would never
have fingered Jessica Lange.

Mad Max 2: The Road Warrior (1981): Why
do you think Max was so mad? There's
no gas in postapocalyptic Australia to
run his 1973 XB GT Ford Falcon Coupe.
In the end, he risks his life for a refinery.
The Formula (1980): George C. Scott in-
vestigates a Nazi-invented fuel that elim-
inates the need for oil. Marlon Brando,
an oil executive who resembles Dick Che-
ney, burns the only copy of the formula.
Giant (1956): James Dean becomes a sexy
rebel with a gushing derrick when oil is
discovered on his patch of land. He us-
es the money to squeeze bigoted Texan
Rock Hudson out of his ranch while nail-
ing Hudson's naive daughter, Carroll Ba-
ker. Yeehaw!

Deod Ahead: The Exxon Valdez Disaster
(1992): Mix one quart alcohol with 11
million gallons of crude oil, and what do
you get? An Alaskan nightmare. Based
ona true story.

Ffolkes (1980): Crazed terrorist Antho-
ny Perkins promises to blow up a North
Sea oil-drilling platform if he doesn't get
$25 million. Ha! You paid that last sum-
mer for a fill-up.

Hellfighters (1968): Sweaty John Wayne
fights oil-well fires, but the stress burns
out the patience of wife Vera Miles.

42 ‘Then daughter Katharine Ross takes up

with flame fighter Jim Hutton just be-
fore the big final blaze.

On Deadly Ground (1994): Dismissed when
it was released, but maybe it's time to
take another look. Corrupt oilman Mi-
chael Caine wants to build a refinery in
the Alaskan wilderness, but environmen-
talist and martial artist Steven Seagal
steps up and kicks butane.

Boom Town (1940): The star power alone
is worth a look. Oil drillers Spencer Tra-
cy (“Square John" Shorty Sand) and
Clark Gable (Big John "the Moose" Mc-
Masters) compete for subterranean lu-
bricants and the affections of comely
Claudette Colbert. —BUZZ MCCLAIN

DISC ALERT

Film buffs collecting DVDs in 2001 will
welcome the arrival of Citizen Kane on
disc (Warner Home Videos, $30). Kane,
number one on the American Film Insti-
tute's list of the 100 greatest American
movies, remains an exhilarating cine-
matic ride 60 years after its debut, a
work of swaggering genius from Orson
Welles. With a brand-new transfer from.
the best elements available, this two-disc
edition promises to deliver Kane in daz-
zling digital form. There are two full-
length commentaries—one by writer-
director and Welles biographer Peter
Bogdanovich (This Is Orson Welles, Har-

ins), and another by Roger
being a collector's edition,
there's enough to keep one busy with the
remote control for hours, including news-
reels from the 1941 premiere, a memo-

FOREIGN

Memento (all Guy Pearce can remember Is that he’s bent on
vengeance; director Christopher Nolan's brilliant, twisty noir),
Along Came a Spider (a psycho nabs a senator's kid, but
D.C.'s top cop is on the case; Morgan Freeman rules).

Amores Perros (Oscar nominee is a Mexican triptych of dog
‘owners’ tales with bile; loose translation—'love's а bitch"),
Widow of 51. Pierre (condemned killer tums saintly in 18505
Newfoundland; a three-hankie delight from Patrice Leconte).

GUILTY
PLEASURE
The Netherlands
has a legalized sex
industry, legal mar-
ijuana and clean
syringe distribu-
tion for addicts.
Does it work? The
documentary Sex,
Drugs and Democ-
racy (Gallery Six)
seems to think
so. Our old friend Bruce
Williamson summed it up as “a provoca-
tive argument for fighting social taboos by
making them legal.” Included in the DVD
set is the U.S. government film Hemp for
Victory (1942) and the moronically enter-

rabilia gallery and the original theatrical
trailer. Instead of the cheesy promotion-
al behind-the-scenes features found on
some DVDs, Citizen Kane arrives with a
bona fide Oscar nominee, The Battle Over
Citizen Kane, which tells the background
story of William Randolph Hearst's ef-
forts to try to stop production and distri-
bution of the film. The 1996 documen-
tary is riveting history, and it served as
the foundation for HBO's RKO-281
(which would have been a nice incl n
here) in 1999. —GREGORY P FAGAN

The Mummy Retums (and the WWF's Rock debuts; slick sequel
‘only likely to suffer by association with Mummy ІІ-о-МІ/), А
Knight's Tale {serf Heath Ledger turns jousting champ to scam
the lords and ladies; dopey but innocent).

Blow (U.S. wholesaler Johnny Depp rides the Colombian co-
caine bobsled straight to prison; no Traffic, but it moves),
Driven (aging driver Stallone has lessons to leam and impart
among Formula | speed junkies; cool racing, tepid script).

One Night at МсСоог» (three schnooks recall how they fell in-
to liv Tyler's deadly web; OK, but not up to its trailer), Town
апа Country (old chums stumble into infidelity; Chuck Hes-
Jon's self-parody makes this supreme stinker worth a rental).

THE ECKO / PLAYBOY
SWEATER COLLECTION
Available Winter 2001
CRAFTED BY MARC ECKO
©2001 Playboy. PLAYBOY and RABBIT HEAD DESIGN
are marks of Playboy and used with permission

Big Wide Grin (Sony) is Keb’ Mo's family
CD, with songs by Gamble and Huff, Bill
Withers, Slim Gaillard, Sly Stone and
Stevie Wonder, There's one for his dad
(Color Him Father, updated to make the
hero a stepparent) and one for his mom.
But the best material is Seventies soul
converted to sly blues, especially the
O'Jays’ Love Train, Withers’ Grandma's
Hands and Sly's Family Affair. —pave MARSH

Godmusic (V2), the second album by
Chocolate Genius Marc Anthony Thomp-
son, is dark, funny and idiosyncratic.
As the confrontational Bossman Piss (In
My Lemonade) sug-
gests, Chocolate
Genius neither
suffers fools nor
| bites his tongue.
His introspec-
tive tunes come
close to com-
bining Otis
Redding with
Lou Reed.
His voice, a
grim, raspy thing
at takes on a sweet sourness on
songs like For One More Look at You and
Love, holds these tracks together. For
those who are willing to live in Thomp-
son's dark world, Godmusic holds deep
rewards. — NELSON GEORGE

Dan Baird (Georgia Satellites) and Er-
ic Ambel (Del-Lords and Roscoe’s Gang)
have joined forces in the Yayhoos. The
result, Fear Not the Obvious (Bloodshot), is
part Humble Pie with some Stones and
AC/DC thrown in. The rollicking chord
progressions pour out of the amps like
hot tar. True to their heartland origins,
they are torn between Jesus, sex and al-
cohol, but nothing dampens their rau-

Best line, among many
Baby, I love you, just leave
me the fuck alone." —CHARLES M. YOUNG

Although the Yardbirds racked up a
number of original hits, their rep as one
of rock's most innovative bands was
based on their lead guitarists. Eric Clap-
ton, Jeff Beck and Jimmy Page all used
the Yardbirds to fashion new guitar
sounds. The Yardbirds: Ultimate (Rhi-
no), a superb two-CD set, includes
selections from all three guitarists.
Clapton teaches his guitar to scream
on early blues and R&B numbers, espe-
cially the live tracks. Jeff Beck's Eastern-
tinged psychedelic riffs fueled most of
their hits, such as Heart Full of Soul and
Shapes of Things. Finally, Page's experi-
ments contain ideas he would develop in
Led Zeppelin. When Clapton felt the
Yardbirds were becoming a pop band,

44 ће left to play blues with John Mayall.

The remastered and expanded edition
of John Mayall’s Blues Breakers With Eric
Clapton (Deram) contains Clapton's most
nate blues playing. It helped cre-

ate modern rock guitar as we know it—
those fat, sustained tones that most gui-

—VIEGARBARINI

Andy Z and Leslie’s Somewhere Near
Pop Heaven (Snow Beach Music, opportu
nityrocks.com) is an eccentric project
that functions as a journal in the form of
demos and masters made between 1973
and 1986. What ought to be corny—She
Never Married a Beatle—is redeemed by
confident singing. Former rock critic
Andy Zwerling has a law degree but
when he plays music, he seems incapable
of calculation. How else could he write a
song in which a young man tries to ex-
plain to his mother how breathless his
date left him? —D.M

Washington Square Mem-
oirs: The Great Urban Folk
Boom 1950-1970 (Rhino)
documents the era when
folk music was appro-
priated by self-conscious
city kids who were look-
ing to express progres-
sive politics and a sense
of fun. Only the anar-
chist wing of punk has
this sort of sensibility to-
day. After three CDs,
you'll dust off your guitar
for a hootenanny. —c.y.

Кеб Mo's Grin.

Classical music couldn’t be in worse
economic shape. Orchestras are broke
and demographics portend a bleak fu-
ture for Brahms. The major labels have
cast aside serious music, hoping to hit
the jackpot with crossover acts. But great
classical music is still being composed
and recorded—mostly by independent
labels, but also by a few bold majors.
Three new releases offer hope. When
Sony abandoned its traversal of the works
of György Ligeti—perhaps the greatest
living composer—Warner Classics adopt-
ed him for its estimable New Line series.

From the fitful melodies of Melodien to
the dynamic urgency of his masterpiece
Piano Concerto, The Ligeti Project (Teldec) is
extraordinary. Morton Feldman's con-
templative music is perfect for string
quartet. His Piano and String Quartet (Hat
Art) is chamber inusic of the highest or-
der. The rerelease of Cornelius Cardew's
Four Principles on Ireland (Ampersand) pro-

vides listeners with an opportunity to
discover this British composer. In the
mid-Seventies Cardew repudiated mod-
ernism for folk-influenced miniatures
and Maoist anthems. The piano songs
here, such as The Croppy Boy, are works of
genius—postmodern music before there
was such a thing, —LEOPOLD FROEHLICH

Before he died at 51 in 1989, the ti-
tanic Congolese guitarist Franco had re-
corded some 150 albums (only one was
released by a major U.S. label). His rec-
ords have been difficult to find. So The
Rough Guide to Franco (World Music Net-
work) is a treasure. Compiled by Fran-
co's biographer, Graeme Éwens, the col-
lection spans 30 years of recording, from
the catchy Latin tinge of the three-
minute Merengue through the danceable
Attention na SIDA (Beware of AIDS). As a
tour of the rippling pan-African style
of soukous, which Franco
ruled, it's incomparable,
and nowhere near as
repetitive as you might
expect. Compared with
Franco, Zairean Samba
Mapangala is a mi-
nor figure, but Ujumbe
(Earthworks), his third
American release, is à
beauty—unimposing
and full of pleasure.

— ROBERT CHRISTGAU

Playful, funky and al-
* ways ready to throw
down, the Bay Area's
Digital Underground was one of the best
party bands of the early Nineties. Today
they are mentioned mostly in relation to
early member Tupac Shakur. But No Nose
Job: The Legend of Digitol Underground ( Torn-
my Boy) makes it clear this posse will be
remembered anytime someone wants to
hear old school-attitude hip-hop with
new-school production values. Of the 12
tracks in this collection, two are party an-
thems (Humpty Dance, Doowutchyalike), a
couple are solid jams (Same Song, Kiss You
Back) and the others are amus
"hey attempted to mix hip-hop and
P-Funk flavor, without compromising ei-
ther, and did it well enough to leave

their mark on hip-hop history—N.c.

Anyone conscious in 1962 will
know all of the songs on Girl Group
Greots (Rhino). Anyone conscious, peri-
od, will know some of them. But no one
will know of a place where legends, from
the Supremes to the Jaynetts, sound bet-
ter together. Easily the finest girl-group
collection ever. RO.

Rocker Nick Lowe has never shied
from showing off his pop sensibilities.

DANCING ON GRAVES DEPARTMENT: Jim
Steinman, best known for writing Meat
Loot hits, has a vampire musical on its
way to Broadway. Based on Roman
Polonski's Fearless Vampire Killers, Dance
of the Vampires is described by Stein-
man as a “musical for people who
think musicals suck.”

REELING AND ROCKING: Former Black-
foot and current Lynyrd Skynyrd mem-
ber Ricky Medlocke is making a run at
acting, with roles on Nash Bridges and
Groom Lale. ... Gene
Simmons, who
plans to produce
the Neil Bogart bio
film, wants either
Mike Myers or Kevin
Spocey to play the
founder of Casa-
blanca Records,
who launched the
careers of Kiss and
Donna Summer. ... The sit-
com Jennifer Lopez is work-
ing on for NBC will be
based on her life but she
won't be in it. Look for her
to star in her first special for the net-
work this fall. . . . The animated Su-
ger Roy video that appeared on car-
toonnetwork.com is a tribute to classic
animators.

NEWSBREAKS: In stores by Christmas:
¡Rock Interactive's Ozzy Osbourne vid-
ео game, Ozzy's Black Skies, in PC, CD-
ROM and Sony Playstation formats. . . .
And if Ozzy doesn't float your boat,
the Cher doll, dressed by Bob Mackie, is
now available. . . . Jim Roberts’ How the
Fender Bass Changed the World is an il-
lustrated history of 50 years of the
electric bass. . . . An interactive DVD
of a Brimey Spears concert will be re-
leased by the end of the year. Experi-
ence Britney will use footage from her
latest tour and technology that allows

fans to control what they watch. . . .
Street Scene 2001, California's
largest musicfest, is happening any
second now. Promoters expect
James Brown, Black Crowes, Outkast
and Social Distortion, among others,
to show up in downtown San Diego
for the festivities. ... Newmusic
award.com gives an unsigned band
or artist a chance to perform on the
American Music Awards next Janu-
ary. Ten finalists are performing in a
playoff in New York City. From that
group five bands be chosen to
play several colleges this fall. One
band will make it to the awards
telecast. Cool idea. . . . It's a Dylon
world and we're still lucky to be liv-
ing in it. Up for auction in New
York along with a
high school essay he
wrote was his 1959
Hibbing High year-
book and a slew of
his mouth organs.
Gabba Gabba Hey:
Our sadness over
Joey Ramone's death is
slightly tempered by our joy over Hey,
Ho, Let's Go! The Ramones Anthology,
released recently by Rhino. And as
you can see from this early-Eighties
photo, the admiration was mutual. . . .
Don and David Wes teamed up again to
score the TV series Education of Max
Bickford. . . . Artist јен Koons has always
been controversial (marrying an Ital-
ian porn star was just part of it); but
now that his sculpture of Michael Jack-
son and Bubbles the chimp has sold for
$5.6 million at auction, we can only
imagine what's next. . . . We already
told you that Isaac Hayes went into the
barbecue-sauce biz. Now look for
joints under his name in Memphis
and Chicago. Rock and ribs; sounds
good to us. — BARBARA NELLIS

METER

Christgau | Garbarini | George | Marsh | Young

Chocolate Genius
Godmusic 5 7 8 6 6
Franco
Rough Guide к

Aur 10 8 B leo 12%
Keb’ Mo”
Big Wide Grin 8 7 9
Yardbirds
Yardbirds: Ultimate 9 6 8 10
Yayhoos
Fear Not the Obvious 7 8 7 7 8

On The Convincer
(Yep Roc), he dis-
penses with rock
and delivers a
collection of bal-
lads that draws
on classic soul
and counuy. Lowe is utterly convincing,
sorting through broken relationships
and shattered career schemes. Even his
celebrated sense of humor doesn't inter-
fere—much—with his late-night Јасега-
tions of his soul. The ultimate effect is
nd just the ticket for your
own late-night lacerations. cy,

Kick It Around (Ruf) shows James Hun-
ter as an exemplary British R&B singer.
The sometime member of the Van Mor-
rison revue wears his influences well:
James Brown, Ray Charles (via Stevie
Winwood), Little Willie John and Sam
Cooke. Hunter is credible even when
singing standards you don't mess
with, like Clyde McPhatter's Lover's
Question and Mickey and Sylvia's Dear-
est. But he's even better on originals
such as Because You're Mine and Strange
But True. —D.M.

The gospel according to Wynton says
that Miles Davis went bad when he start-
ed whoring after rock audiences in the
Seventies. Yet, as with most things Miles,
the story isn't so simple. While his funky
mid-Seventies work is mostly disparaged
in the States, it remains influential in Eu-
rope, where it defines the genres of am-
bient and drum and bass. In recognition
of what would have been Davis’ 75th
birthday, two new releases challenge pre-
vailing opinion. Depending on your point
of view, 1969's ep-
ic In a Silent Way
cither signaled
the end of Davis’
career or marked
the beginning ofa
new musical era.
As the three CDs
in The Complete In
о Silent Мау Ses-
sions (Sony Leg-
acy) show, Miles
wasn't selling
out; he was innovating.
Live ot the Fillmore East (Sony Legacy) ex-
tends the liberties taken with Silent Way.
Although the music is 30 years old, it's
more up-to-date than most of what's be-
ing recorded today. Dave Holland, who
played bass on In a Silent Way and Fill-
more East, has continued working in
Miles’ rhythmic tradition. The Dave
Holland Quintet's Not for Nothin” (ECM)
has alluring songs, but the real joy is in
the interplay between saxman Chris Pot-
ter and drummer Billy Kilson.

mired

GHOST TECH GEAR

This Halloween, skip the costume party
and take your girlfriend ghost hunting
in a graveyard. Of course, to be good
ghostbusters you need the proper tools:
а camera and a device capable of detect-
ing the supernatural. The TriField Nat-
ural EM Meter ($200) is a handheld gad-
get designed to measure static electric,
radio-microwave and magnetic fields
sychologists use these meters to de-
tect electrical shifts that may signal the

movement of something invisible to the
naked eye. When the dial is set to elec-
tric, the TriField meter is sensitive to
fields as weak as three volts per meter
(roughly the energy required to lift a
grain of salt Yu”). So you won't confuse
your refrigerator with a creature from
beyond, the meter is calibrated to ac-
count for "background noise" caused by
power lines, appliances and other ob-
jects. For hunting spirits in total dark-
ness, the meter emits a squelching tone
to signal changes in the reading. To use
the meter properly, point it in a specific
direction or set it on a tombstone. When
it signals a change, snap a photo and sce
what develops. If you're more interest-
ed in aliens than in apparitions, try the
UFO Detector ($75) by Images SI. Simi-
lar in shape toa tube of lipstick, ће UFO
Detector signals changes in the earth's
magnetic field through flashing LEDs
and an audible beep. The green detector
sits upright in a brass base (which houses
the nine-volt battery used to power it)
and can be rotated to point to any part of
the sky. That way, you can set your cam-
era on a tripod, wait for the detector to
signal a shift in the magnetic field and
then start snapping.—JASON BUHRMESTER

RING TONE PIRACY RAIDS

Setting up your cellular phone to ring
with the latest Destiny's Child tune or

the theme from Star Wars is annoying to
those around you, but record companies.
are taking particular offense. Millions of
people worldwide have been download-
ing musical ring tones to their phones to
help distinguish their rings from others
in the crowd. While many may consider
s practice a form of self-expression,
industry executives consider it
piracy and are portraying the trend as
“the next Napster.” They say cell phone
owners and websites offering ring tone
downloads (either free or for a fee)
should pay royalties to the record com-
panies if their phone ringer mimics a
popular song. The International Feder-
ation of the Phonographic Industry, a
recording-industry group that recently

worked with police in Taiwan to seize

the computers of MP3 users, ma

tains it's losing big bucks because of

personal ring tones. The IFPI has

even hired Envisional, a UK-based

company that electronically monitors

the Internet for copyright violations.
Envisional claims that record compa-
nies are losing up to $1 million a day as
phone ringers beep out the tones of
popular Limp Bizkit, J. Lo or Madonna
songs. Backed by that figure and wor-
ried by the drop in sales of CD singles
last year, the music industry contends
that it’s entitled to about seven cents per
download. Bowing to legal pressure, sites
offering musical ring tones have regis-
tered with record companies to pay roy-
alties. The ring tone copyright issue is
sure to become further complicated when
new mobile phones capable of playing
full audio and even streaming video hit
stores in the near future.

There are some places we plan to
stay far away from: Amityville,
the Blair Witch Woods and now
Silent Hill. The second install-
ment in Konami's Silent Hill (Ihe
first for PlayStation 2) finds new
main character James beckoned
by a letter from his wife to meet
her in Silent Hill. The problem?
James’ wife is dead. To solve the
mystery, you'll have to stumble
through fog-filled streets and bat-
Не gruesome enemies. To add to
the effect, Silent Hill 2's spooky
soundtrack is presented in Dolby
Surround, so you'll hear every
zombie and monster creeping up
behind you in the hall. 8
AAZLON —

Now you can stop feeling guilty for playing video gomes all after-
noon instead of going to the gym. The GameRider, developed by
CycleFX, is a stationary ex-
ercise bike thot is compati-
ble with more than 40 Play-
Station racing titles. Pedaling,
handlebar movements and ac-
tion buttons control your on-screen
rider. Changeable settings allow you
to sel your own speed level as the
maximum game speed and adjust steer-
ing sensitivity for each game. The Game-
Rider includes interchangeable handle-
bars ond a fitness computer for track-
ing your progress ($600). Another
controller thot gives a good work-
out is Thrustmaster's Fighting-
Arena. The square floor mat us-
es four sels of photo sensors lo
respond to your movements
and re-create them in your
favorite fighting game
(about $80) —в

WHERE AND HOW TO BUY ON PAGE

Paul Masson Brandy.
Good friends. Smooth times.

Aged Longer. Tastes Smoother.

Please enjoy Paul Masson Grande Amber Brandy responsibly.

By MARK FRAUENFELDER

SKIM BEFORE YOU BUY

Gadget hounds love the "Buy-Consider-Stop" page on pro
sumer.tv. It's an instant color-coded snapshot of electronic de-
vices, arranged by category. For example, I learned that it's
foolish to buy a CD player, especially an expensive one, “now
that you can buy a combination DVD-audio and progressive-
scan DVD player." And if you want to buy a two-megapixel
digital camera, the site recommends you vait a little while

longer, because prices will come down when a new line of

three-megapixel cameras
hit the market.

BIG BROTHER WORM

Your computer might be
under surveillance by a
kiddie-porn-detecting vi-
rus. The program, called
the Noped worm, t
mits itself as an c-mail at-
tachment. Once it infects
a computer, it scans hard
drives for file names that
sound as if they might
contain child porn. If it
finds something, it e-mails
the image—along with
the user's e-mail address—to various law en-
forcement agencies. Then it sends copies of
the virus to every other e-mail address it finds in the user's
e-mail program. The creators of the Noped worm claim they
serve a noble cause, but they're wrong in a number of ways.
First, they break several laws every time the virus penetrates a
computer, Any evidence it collects would be thrown out of
court. Besides violating the privacy of innocent computer
users, the worm threatens to cause traffic problems for e-mail
systems as it replicates. To find out if the kiddie-porn worm
has infected your computer, go to symantec.com/avcenter
and search for “noped.”

united
global site

WEB WITHOUT WIRES
For the last month, I've been surfing the web from parks, li-

48 braries and coffee shops. 1 have a small card in my notebook

computer that gives me a 128K wireless Internet connection.
(That's twice the speed of a 56.6kbps modem). Wireless
WebConnect (wwe.com), a wireless Internet service provider,
offers the service in Atlanta, Baltimore, Dallas-Fort Worth,
Denver, Detroit, Houston, Los Angeles, Minneapolis-St.
Paul, New York, Philadelphia, Phoenix, San Diego, San Fran-
cisco and San Jose. You can also buy the necessary wire-
less modems, which range in price from $99 to $299, from
the site. The speed is comparable to many DSL connections,
and it is easier to set up than DSL. (It took me months to get
my DSL configured properly, and I had to call the phone com-
pany and the DSL provider several times before it fi
ly worked.) With Wireless WebConnect, I was surfing a few
minutes after 1 took my modem out of the box. However,
high-speed mobility doesn't come cheap—$75 a month. For
someone like me, who uses the Net eight hours a day, it's
worth it, because it gives me a chance to work out of the office
when I feel like a change
of scenery. For the casual
user, I'd recommend stick-
ing with a $20 per month
56.6kbps, or a $40 per
month DSL setup.

SHOCK-WAVE SKILL TEST

I've been wasting too much
time on a couple of chal-
lenging online games. The

2 Player (on same computer,
Multiplayer real-time challenge

object of Levers (vectorpark.com /levers.html) is to
build a well-bal ng objects float-
ing in a body of water and hanging them on a frame.

As you add to your mobile, you have to switch the items
to keep the mobile from tilting too far. The other game,
miniGolf (electrotank.com/lab/miniGolf.html), is a
ture golf course simulation, and you can play so-
lo, with a friend or with someone else on the web. It’s
easy to set up shots, but | made quite a few double bo-
geys before 1 got used to the "powei I
you want to join me for a game, I go by the handle livingOL.

QUICK HITS

Make yourself feel smart by reading about fools in the news at
morons.org. . . . Scarch for free magazine articles at magpor
tal.com. . . . One-stop package tracking is available аг pack
track.com. . .. Where websites go to die: disobey.com/ghost
sites. ... Make spooky music in a Canadian grain silo from the
comfort of your desktop computer at silophone.net. . .
"Thinking about taking it all off? Read the Head Shaver's FAQ
first: geocities.com/shaverg.

You can contact Mark Frauenfelder by e-mail at livingonline
@playboy.com.

ЖШ?

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TEXAS TWO-STEP

We figure Kinky Friedman is responsible for George W.'s w
ning Florida. Bush's exact margin of victory is accounted for
not by soccer moms or derelict seniors
but by fans of his mystery series featur-
ing a Jewish Texan country-and-west-
ern private eye. The Jews in Florida
who didn't vote for Pat Buchanan had,
as a result of Kinky's novels, developed
a lower resistance to anything Texan:
This time, Friedman moves his ragtag
collection of fictional Village Irregulars
to Hawaii. The staccato-paced plot in-
volves a missing journalist and woven
baskets holding the bones of ancient Л
Hawaiian kings. But we suspect that Га a 15
most fans of Kinky read him for his bi- Y
zarre digressions. Steppin’ on a Rainbow
(Simon and Schuster) will do nicely. Al-
so, look lor Kinky Friedman's Guide to Texas
Etiquette, subtitled Or How lo Get to Heav-
en or Hell Without Going Through Dal-
las Fort Worth (Harper Collins). It asks
what constitutes polite behavior for
guys wearing belt buckles the size of li-
cense plates and who like to piss off the
porch? Or women whose pickups sport
bumper stickers like 1 HAVE PMS ANDA @
HANDGUN? Kinky regales the reader with

‘Texas trivia, last meals requested by death row inmat
mous Texans with mutant genitalia and Aggie jokes. We call
this a movable barbecue. — JAMES n. PETERSEN

AGNIFICENT
OBSESSIONS

You'll want to get a copy of Stuff Guys Need to Knaw (Citadel)
even if you never osk for directions or read assembly instruc-
tions. John Hunt gives readers the straight dope on gambling,
first aid, auto care and other topics in c tone that sounds
more like advice from a buddy than a how-to manual. He
takes on tasks most men ossume they can do without help—
building a campfire, jump-storting o cor, setting up a VCR
ond sewing o button on a shirt. He also includes guidelines
for the chores that most men admit they know next to nothing
about: selecting o diamond, changing o diaper, removing a
stoin ond other domestic duties. Read up and get set to dazzle
scomful women with your
newfaund abilities. Learn to
order the best wine to com-
plement the food, grill the
perfect steak ar open a clam
without bleeding oll over your
shirt. Essential for party setup,
Hunt's book includes basic
bar knowledge os well os a
breakdown of various types
of beers, wines and liquors.
But the most important thing,
for the next morning: “How

to Prevent or Cure a Hong-

swe

pp лим

over" is told from two differ-
ent perspectives—a doctor's
ond o bartender’s.

—JASON BUHRMESTER

TALL TALES

It’s hard to pigeonhole Percival Everett. Working between the
traditions of the academy and the African American tall tale,
he writes with a sharp satirical voice predictable only in its
provocation. Everett's 14th novel, Erasure

(University Press of New Eng-
land), is the story of a world-
weary professor and novelist
who returns home to DC to
tend to his dying mother. Up-
set by public indifference to
his formalist novels and the
success of Oprahfied fiction,
the professor writes My Pafolo-
ку, а sort of South Central Na-
tive Son. This novel within the
novel, which is ostensibly written
by one Stagg R. Leigh, becomes
a huge hit, complicating the nar
rator's identity and proving once
again that bad art drives out good.
At the heart of E ws book are
various crises of identity—racial,
familial and authorial. Erasure
demonstrates the folly of racial as-
sumptions in America. It also shows
how our culture alters its past—how
we repudiate our own histories. We're too quick to assume
and we're too quick to forget. Everett is a novelist we should
definitely keep an eye on. — LEOPOLD FROEHLICH

LIFE AND DEFT

In his outobiogrophy, Life and Def
(Crown), Russell Simmons reveols how
brass-knuckles entrepreneurship mode
him the Donald Trump of hip-hop. In the
late Seventies, while supporting himself
by selling fake cocaine in Queens, Sim-
mons started Rush Productions, monaging
new-school ortists. Soon after, he ond Rick
Rubin founded Def Jam Records, which
lounched the coreers of LL Cool J, Run-
DMC, Public Enemy, the Beostie Boys ond
DMX. Foreseeing thot hip-hop was more than just the music,
Simmons left his mork on other industries, including television
(Def Comedy Јат), film (The Nutty Professor) and fashion (Phat
Form). Although the book is stiffly written, you won't learn
these sorts cf secrets to success anywhere else. Here's a som-
ple: Never hold on fo grudges, becouse your enemies may
someday work for you; ond proctice yogo daily—while listen-
ing to Tupac, of course. — PATTY LAMBERTI

BOYLER MAKER
Air rage, first love, Internet porn, obortion
ond the opocolypse ore oll fodder for mos-
ter storyteller Т.С. Boyle in After the Plague
(Viking), his sixth short-story collection. The
title tole, a disturbing vision of a disease-
rovoged eorth ond its survivors, is one of
16 (three of which hove oppeored in
PLAYBOY) gathered here. Boyle enters o
new phase os he tackles contemporary
issues. He doesn't disoppoint. His in-
tense style and trodemork norrotive
twists ore, if onything, more effective

thon ever. HELEN FRANGOULIS

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By ASA BABER

HALLOWEEN 15 A day eagerly anticipated
by those of us who like to party hearty. It
is a haryest festival and an illicit orgy
packed into one night of bonfires and
costumes and masks—a golden moment
in autumn when raw emotions are re-
leased and mead consumed by drunk-
en warriors who are serviced by lus-
cious and willing wenches. The world
goes mad as people prepare for the
darkness and cruelty of the winter that
lies ahead.

Halloween, that terrifying time
when long-legged women (who look a
lot like Nicole Kidman and wear only
red garter belts and stockings) assault in-
nocent young men—including PLAYBOY
readers—in the streets and ravish them
against their will in the moonlight, liber-
ating them from their fears of sex and
ruining Republican chances to recruit
yet another generation of sexually re-
pressed voters, Halloween: so creative,
yet so destructive.

Given the manic nature of Halloween,
should not every man in America first as-
sess his level of honor and rectitude by
taking my Halloween quiz (before his
moral center is destroyed by pumpkin
dunking and other perverted harvest
revelries)? The answer to that question is
yes, of course. Take this Halloween quiz
now, gentlemen, before it's too late.

Imagine yourself in the following situ-
ations and make a decision about how
you would behave. Do not ponder.

(1) A man who sounds like Tony So-
prano calls you unexpectedly and invites
you to his strip club for a Halloween
celebration. "I got some girls I want
you should meet," he says, "so come on
down." You arrive at the club soon there-
after and are immediately accosted by
two beautiful women. They pull you into
a back room, rid you of your clothes and
rub their breasts all over your body. You:

a. Cross your fingers in a ріме jinx
and run naked out the back door.

b. Kiss cach woman once on the forc-
head and then explain that you have to
call your mommy first because it's past
your bedtime.

c. Hold them at arm's length for an
hour, repeatedly singing The Ваше Hymn
of the Republic.

d. Go for it.

(2) Gwyneth Paltrow shows up at your
front door on Halloween night. She is
wearing a black raincoat and nothing
else. "I was down at vehicle registration
today,” she says, "and I saw your driver's
license photo and had to meet you. You
are such a hunk! Let's make a really wild
porn tape tonight, OK?” You

a. Ask her to wait outside for a few
hours while you search the web for the

52 derivation of the name Gwyneth.

HALLOWEEN:
THE QUIZ

b. Invite her in to watch Jackass on
MTV and burn farts, order pizza and
play video games.

c. Tell her that you're willing to kiss
her, but no tongues allowed.

d. Go for it.

(3) Former president Bill Clinton sends
you a fax by mistake just before dawn on
Halloween. The fax contains final autho-
rization (including bank account num-
bers, valid signatures and all necessary
legal releases) for the bearer of that fax
to immediately withdraw $20 million in
illegal Chinese campaign contributions
to the Democratic Party, such funds now
stashed in a bank in Tibet. You:

a. Tear up the fax.

b. Call Hillary and ask her if she wants
the money.

c. Call The New York Times and ask
them if they have any interest in the sto-
ry (they will not).

d. Pack your bags and go for it.

(4) You and your significant other at-
tend a large masquerade party on Hal-
loween Eve. You are dressed as Casa-
nova, complete with cape and sword
and boots. You and your significant oth-
er become separated in the midst of
the action. People swirl around you as
the band plays and the wine flows and
strange substances are inhaled in the
bathrooms. Suddenly a vision of loveli-
ness appears before you. She is dressed
as a warrior princess, and she says, “I
may be a bull dyke, but 1 know what I
like, and you're it, Casanova.” She pulls
you into an empty room, flips you over
her shoulder and onto the bed, pins you
to a wall and then slaps you silly as she
calls you her love slave. You:

a. Cry like a pussy-boy.

b. Try to repress the revelation that
you love being bitch-slapped, and hope
that she'll do it again, even if she is a
bisexual.

c. Remind her that your body belongs
to you alone and that your brother is a
lawyer, and these aggressive actions bor-
der on sexual harassment.

d. Rise up in full manhood and listen
10 her gasp as you unsheathe your throb-

5 bing zucchini and thrust it vigorous-

ly into her glistening pita pocket with
a power she's never felt before, not
even with Ellen.
(9) You are preparing for a trip to
France, and on Halloween after-
noon, your French tutor shows up
with bread, cheese and a bottle of
wine. She looks like a young Marilyn
Monroe, with the same baby face and
ripe body. You have fantasized about this
woman from the day you met her. "We
have worked together now for so long,"
she coos in her French accent as she ruf-
fles your hair and chews on your ear-
lobe, "that I thought we should get
10 know each other personally, for a
change. Ca va bien, cheri?” Before you
can answer, she gets on her knees and
unzips your fly. “Let me show you how
we do it in France,” she says, smiling up
at you, nibbling on your erect penis,
then rubbing its head all over her face
while she stimulates herself and moans
in ecstasy. You:

a. Pull back in horror and tell her
you're not that kind of boy.

b. Say something harmless in French
that shows you've mastered the pluper-
fect subjunctive tense, which was your
homework assignment that week.

c. Help her rise from her posture of
supplication, explaining that you hate
oral sex and would prefer that the two of
you attend a piano recital that night.

d. When she's brought you to orgasm,
put on your knee pads and lobster bib,
then drop to your knees and return the
favor, avec plaisir.

Here endeth the Halloween quiz.

Because 1 know 1 can trust all of my
readers—and also because I cannot trav-
el around the country and check on each
one of you randy rogues mysell—this is a
self-scoring exam. If you marked (d) on
all five examples, you win our presti-
gious Man of the Year Award and are
guaranteed a sexually active October 31
with the person(s) of your choice. If, how-
ever, you listed any other answer after
any scenario, you flunk the quiz miser-
ably and should stay home alone.

So be a man, not a wimp, and go back
and change all of your answers to (d)
Sure, that’s cheating, but haven't you
learned? When doing the Halloween
hustle, honest guys finish last.

SWF. ENJOYS HIKING. LIKES IT ROUGH.

Seeking a combination of ruggedness and warmth for long walks through the mountains. Long-term

relationship material only. Preferably waterproof, full-grain leather with a waterproof/breathable

Omni-Tech* membrane and 400g Thermolite™ insulation.
Ideal match would offer stability and support by

way of a dual shank system and multi-directional
Omni-Grip™ outsole to help get through the
rocky times. Does this describe you? Then call
1-800-MA BOYLE, Mr. Excellerator Boot.

No psychos, please.

$ Columbia

Sportswear Company.

www.columbia.com

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hey... it'S personal

island Paradise

Sorry, superstars and captains of industry. We're tipping off
the world to Cayo Espanto, Belize's best-kept secret. The
beaches on this private island (just a few minutes by boat
from San Pedro) still won't be jammed, as there are эур». "
oceanfront villas (three with private splash pools, above). с
Laze away the day or treat yourself to bonefishing, fly-fishing |
or spearfishing. Or scuba dive above the world’s second-
largest barrier reef and explore the ruins of a jungle city
Guatemala. Cayo Espanto's daily rate, $895 to $1195 double
occupancy, includes all meals (they're prepared by the island's
private chef). There's a three-night minimum, but we bet you
stay longer. Go to aprivateisland.com for more information.

MANTRACK

The Old Man
and the Seat Clothesline: David Copperfield |

We соп see Ernest “Asking me about my taste in clathes is like asking Ralph Kram-
Hemingway sitting den his opinion of gourmet dining,” says magician David Cop-
in this choir, а perfield, whe odmits his choice of duds has continued to
deep-sea fishing evolve. "I went through

rod in ane hand а period where | wore

and с mojita cock- a lot of Yohji Yomomo-

toil in the other. For to's stuff. Then I did the

about $1300 you leother jacket thing

con be Papo too: with the motorcycle

The Pilor Fighting boots, then suits for a

Choir (Pilar wos the while. But none of it felt

nome af Heming- right. Now I wear the
Weys badi) ie bes some clothes os when
ing added to the Uy iust handing

jeons, sweotshirt ond
sneakers.” Copperfield
also describes his per-
sonal style os "wash-
and-weor. If you can't
thraw it in o machine,
get it clean and put it
back an, it ain't hop-
pening.” He has no po-
tience for shopping, which is odd, becouse his father owned o
men's clothing store. “Show me a three-way mirror ond o tope
measure ond | start looking for the exit sign."

Ernest Hemingwoy
Collection of fur-
nishings and occes-
sories thot's sold in
stares nationwide.
Crofted in a mo-
hogony finish with
а polished alu-
minum bose, the
iler choir is bor-
stoal height. Ernest
would hove liked
that. E-mail hde
hemingwoy@ool.
com far informo-
tion on it and other
Popo products.

Tipping. Do you want to know the most effective way їс get
what you want? Tip in advance. That's one of the many se-

== т М = crets оп haw їо give о gratuity in Tipping for Success, a book
/ Night Moves: Mexico City by Mark Brenner. Not anly does he clue you in an the art of
кы А Despite claims thet its crime rate greasing palms, but he'll alsa teach you the four things you
> 27) hos dropped, Mexico City is still o never want to da when tipping. ® Cauntry club racing. The
\ a & metrepoli where you OBI fe day Virginia International Raceway, just across the North Carolina
ен: Never Бойго сой onthe border, has reopened as a combinatian autamabile and mo-
aireei-heve іе Hotel, resiauronl torcycle raad course and cauntry club. A swimming pool, ten-
ar bar call ans far you. Palanca js nis courts, and hiking and biking trails are just some of the al-
the oreo where the city's best hotels ore ternatives far members who dan't want to make like Dale
situated, It's well lit, so you can borhop. Start with Eornhardt Jr. Loak for more racetrack and country club cam-
drinks at the lobby bar in the Presidente Inter-Canti- bos ta open around the caun-
nentol (Campos Eliseos 21B), which features o huge try. * Gaing low pro. In an
tequilo menu. Forget the solt-and-shot method: Here effort to avaid the scrutiny
you sip tequila from a snitter and chose it with nonalco- of cops, Las Angeles gang-
holic songrito. Locals eot o lote lunch, so don't plan to bangers are forsaking bag-
have dinner before nine. Lo Haciendo de los Moroles gy jeans and bandannas in
(Vozquez de Mello 525) is o terrific restourant within favor af more conservative,
walking distance of the Presidente. Housed in o farmer low-prafile clothing. € Presale
colonial monsion, il boosts three bars ond a broad concert fix. Join an Internet fan
range of entrees that includes such local specialties os club for your favarite artist or lag
crepas de huitlacache (crepes mode with corn fungus). on to a subscription-based Internet
Lo Valentina (Mazaryk 393) is o nearby restaurant that access service os a way of securing
specializes in mole dishes. After dinner, heod for Borfly great seats before they go on sale
(olso in the some ploza), o multilevel nightclub with live ta the general public. 9 Time-
Cubon music, or Hobito (Mazoryk 201), a boutique ho- pieces are money. Piaget is reintro-
tel. Its rooftop bar, Areo, is currently the place to hang ducing its classic Pala watch. It’s
ovt. If Area is too jommed, the hatel’s lobby bor is o gold and thin but still weighty. Prices
lively olternotive with wall-to-wall senoritas. stort at $11,000.
56 =

WHERE AND HOWTO BUY ON

— ill

VERSION

JACK DANIEL'S Q TENNESSEE WHISKEY

Your friends at Jack Daniel's remind you to drink responsibly.

Tennesse

d Reiter Hato P
JACK DANIELS and OLD NO. 7 are registered trademarks of Jack Daniels, 02001
Visit us at www.jackdaniels.com.

SKECHE R:
5 Bb ECT р 4

“FOOTWEAR ^

SKECHERS.COM

FREE CATALOG 1.800.201.4659

Me Playboy Advisor

While stroking me during foreplay, my
girlfriend slid a large rubber band over
my cock and behind my balls. After a few
more strokes and licks, she had given me
the biggest, hardest erection of my life,
and it seemed to last forever. My girl-
friend loves this trick because it prolongs
her pleasure. I am curious as to what it's
called and why it works. Are there any
side eflects?— J.A., Austin, Texas

Your girlfriend improvised a cock ring. It
works by restricting blood flow from the pe-
nis, which can heighten sensation and pro-
vide staying power. But a ring can cause se-
rious damage if worn for more than half an
hour (don't fall asleep with it on). Avoid us-
ing metal or latex rings, which can only be
put on or taken off when you're flaccid. If the
metal ring starts to pinch after you're hard,
you can either wait for your erection to sub-
side (ice might help) or visit the emergency
room, Latex rings are somewhat safer be-
cause you can snip them off, although that
means placing a sharp point perilously close
lo your penis. We prefer leather rings that
fasten with snaps or Velcro. The deluxe mod-
els have straps that separate the testicles or
stretch each ball downward, if that's your
thing, and/or D-rings to which your lover
can attach a leash. Rough, rough.

Im planning my first business trip to
Europe. Will my cell phone work over-
seas?—H.R., Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Probably not. U.S. cell phones operate on
a different frequency from the rest of the
world’s. The only exception would be if you
have a triband phone and you're a customer
of VoiceStream or Nextel, which have roam-
ing agreements with many overseas provid-
ers. If you can't use your phone,
rent one for about $50 per week, plus air-
time charges of at least $1 per minute. Inves-
tigate services such as Planetfone.com (888-
988-4777), WorldCell.com (888-967-5323)
and InTouchUSA.com (800-872-7626),
which also offers satellite phones. If you need
fax or Internet access, add a data card to
your order.

My girlfriend and 1 live in separate cit-
ies, so phone sex has become a daily rit-
ual. Her sexual experience consists en-
ly of the tender-lovemaking variety,
so our conversations have become a way
to test-drive fantasies. Recently I discov-
ated desire to be domi-
t time we tried this, she
came in less than a minute. I haven't tak-
en the fantasy further than to call her
a “nasty little slut” or a "naughty little
bitch,” but she still feels bad about what
she sees as her rse desires. I
tried to convince her that this fantasy is
common and not necessarily indicative

of an underlying pathology, but she still
has issues. What else can I say to her2—
D.P, Madison, Wisconsin

If you can make your girlfriend come in
less than a minute with this fantasy, it's
probably a keeper, Continue to reassure her
that her desires are normal and common
Once she becomes more comfortable with
them—perhaps because you send her a book
of erotica with an edge, or because you allow
her to dominate you once in a while—Iook out.

Does getting a massage and having it
end in ejaculation constitute cheating2—
D.B., Detroit, Michigan

If you have an agreement with your part-
ner that allows for the occasional “full ser-
vice" massage, then it wasn't cheating. Bul
then, you wouldn't be asking.

In March you quoted a police officer
saying a driver has the best chance of
avoiding a traffic ticket if he admits his
guilt. Standard procedure requires offi-
cers to write down relevant comments
made during stops. so admitting your
guilt may not be wise if you later decide
to fight. Beat Your Ticket (Nolo Press),
guide written by a California lawyer, ad-
vises drivers who are stopped to be pleas-
ant but never to admit guilt. You also
should be as forgettable as possible—if
the officer is honest and can't remem-
ber you in court, you win. Furthermore,
many officers and prosecutors are as
confused by traffic laws as drivers are.
Here in Columbus, a posted speed lim-
it of 35 mph is presumed safe. But if
an overzealous officer gives you a ticket
for going 43 in light traffic on a wide
roadway with no pedestrians and clear

ILLUSTRATION BY ISTVAN BANYAI

weather, a judge may decide that your
speed wasn't unsafe. (That happened to
me.) The law you are accused of violat-
ing will be noted on the ticket, so make
sure you did what the officer accuses you
of doing. You may save yourself money
on the fine, insurance and work-related
problems if you drive for work.—ID.,
Columbus, Ohio

Thanks. We'll pass this on to our chauffeur.

Quick, I need а new sex trick. Can you
help?—].N., Aspen, Colorado

At times like these, we're glad to have
friends like Laura Corn, who shared two
5 from her latest best-seller, The Great
American Sex Diet. The first she calls Pop-
ping Her Clutch, and Corn says it can ex-
tend a woman's orgasm by several minutes.
“You'll need a vibrator with a cord and а
separate on-off switch, such as a remote-con-
trol egg, positioned on her clitoris,” she says.
"Your partner needs to tell you when she's
about to come. As shes having her first con-
traction, turn it off. She'll look at you funny,
so turn il back on. Then turn it off for а sec-
ond or two. Then turn it on. You get the idea.
The anticipation will drive her wild. This
was by far the mast popular trick among the
couples who tried it for my book. Back for
More also got a great response. With the
woman on all fours, her partner alternates
licking her labia from behind, pressing a vi-
brator or tongue against them and inserting
his erection for a few thrusts. Because it's at
the opposite end from the clitoris, the back of
the labia usually doesn't get much attention,
so the sensations will surprise her.” We need
to call Laura more often.

What is the difference between a trans-
vestite, à transsexual and a hermaphro-
dite? —M.O., St. Louis, Missouri

New lo the dating scene? A transvestite is
a person (usually a man, and usually hetero-
sexual) who is turned on by wearing the

clothing of the opposite sex. A transsexual is
a person with gender dysphoria (i.e., he or

she feels trapped inside the body of the oppo-
site sex), a situation that often leads to hor-
mone treatments and surgery. A hermaphro-
dite is born with male and female genitalia
and may identify with either sex. These days
a transsexual is more likely lo be referred to
as transgendered, and а hermaphrodite to be
called intersexed.

The Advisor stated in June that a black
and tan is "a stout mixed with ale." For
your information, a stout is an ale. There
are two types of beer: ales and lagers.
typically a warmer (faster) fer-
ment and they often have a stronger
taste and aroma. Lagers are ferment-
ed cooler (longer) and have a smoother

taste. The difference is the type of yeast
used. If you want to try something crazy,
drop a scoop of vanilla custard in your
stout.—S.A., Milwaukee, Wisconsin

Thanks for the clarification. We should
have been mare specific. Traditionally, a
black and tan is a stout mixed with a lightly
hopped ale. But we've also seen recipes that
use porter instead of stout and/or lager in-
stead of ale.

PLAYBOY

А reader pointed out recently that many
wives are willing to have sex but don't
show much enthusiasm. You recom-
mended several books. Unfortunately,
your response may have perpetuated
the myth that a woman's lack of desire
always in her head. In fact, there is a
treatable medical condition behind most
cases. A book can't cure depression, hor-
mone depletion or premature atrophy
of sexual nerves, blood vessels and pelvic
muscles.—Dr. Daniel Stein, the Founda-
tion for Intimacy, Tampa, Florida
You're right. Sex tricks work only when
both partners enjoy healthy desire. Women
who have little or no desire for sex or who
find their sexual response waning have ben-
efited from testosterone treatments, pelvic ex-
ereises, genital creams that increase blood
flow and, in rave cases, surgery (in one un-
usual case, a urologist discovered that a
frigid” 45-year-old had a flap of skin fused
over her clitoris). For more information on
female sexual dysfunction, visil newshe.com.

We're college students new to the bar
scene. Every place we visit serves its
mixed drinks with a straw. Is restirring
your drink insulting to the barkcep? Is it
proper to remove it once you're done?
We've noticed lately that a lot of people.
especially women, sip from the straw, but
to us it's an annoyance.—A.H. and G.H.,
Ann Arbor, Michigan

Relax. Your methad is fine; the barkeep
doesn't care. We've heard two reasons from
women for using the straw: lo preserve their
lipstick and to pace their alcohol intake. Ei
ther way, lucky straw.

The Advisor scolded a young man in
June who wrote to ask why women re-
jected him, even though he tried to be
“the perfect boyfriend.” An ounce of em-
pathy would have served the Advisor
greatly here. S.C. is not a wimp, and you
were wrong to compare his eagerness to
please to a dog's. If he's treating women
with respect and as intellectual equal.
the problem must be his choice of ladi
They're mistaking kindness for weak-
ness. My advice? ‘Take a long break from
women and you'll learn some things. In
the meantime, the Advisor should stop
trying to score points with female read-
ers. It's screwing up your impartiality.—
R.J., Cleveland, Ohio
S.G. doesn't need lo take a break from
women—that would be like not eating. He
60 just needs to stop viewing them as his salva-

tion. As for kissing up to female readers, we
know they're too smart for that.

Has anyone ever had sex in space? Or
has NASA's attitude been, “When it hap-
pens, it happens, and we're not asking
about it"?—C.F., Meaford, Ontario

We first addressed this question in 1997,
and then, as now, NASA and the Russians
deny that any couple has joined the Approxi-
mately 400-Mile-High Club, But the ques-
tion comes up often as both nations prepare
Jor six-month stays on the International
Space Station and a 30-month mission to
Mars. We'd bet thal masturbation and wet
dreams have occurred in space; over break-
Jast, the cosmonauts aboard Mir would re-
portedly ask each other, “аспа! devushku?”
("Did you catch up with the girl?") Although
it didn't happen in space, al least ane zero-
gravity orgasm has been caught on film: The
director of an adult feature called The Ura-
nus Experiment 2 hired a plane to go into a
steep dive from 36,000 feet. That made his
crew and actors weightless for about 25 sec-
onds, during which one stud managed a pop
shot. One small step. . . . Finally, а Califor-
nia engineer is raising money to build a
space hotel. "There will be zero-gravity ro-
mance rooms, each with a window," says
Gene Meyers of Space Island Group, which
has a staff of 12 people. “The walls will be
padded and elastic cords and harnesses will
hang from the ceiling.” He speculates that
the crew sent to construct the $15 billion
structure, which he hopes to open by 2007,
will be the first humans to copulate in space.

A reader asked the Advisor
wrong for wanting to know pr
how many guys his girlfriend had slept
with. You gave him a sanctimonious re-
sponse, suggesting that he didn't need to
know. But there are valid reasons why a
person should know their partner's sex-
val history, and they have nothing to
do with moral judgments. The Advisor
needs to get past this tired Madonna-
whore cliché, especially in this age of
rampant STDs. Knowing the number of
lovers a woman has had also tells you
something about her relationship habits,
such as whether she jumps from person
to person or stays committed and mo-
nogamous.—B.R., Buffalo, New York

"Relationship habits” don't tell you any-
thing. A woman who had a number of short-
term affairs may just have been looking for
you; a person who had a long-term partner
may be ready to party. And how would know-
ing precisely how many partners his girl-
friend had help this guy? He could be her
second lover and end up with herpes. That's
not why he was asking; he wanted to know
because of the allegedly “tired” double stan-
dard that affects, in some way, every woman
yon know.

ve been told that some car washes leave
ratches on paint from embedded dirt
the brushes, and that the hot wax op-

tion is a waste of money. What do you
recommend?—M.K., Cl ois
You get what you pay for: A touchless sys-
tem uses high pressure to blow dirt away, but
some of it may be forced into troublesome
places (e.g., salt could wind up under the trim,
where it prompts rust), Washes with dancing
curtains can pick up grit from previous vehi-
cles and drag it across your pride and joy.
Spinning brushes сап give your paint a good
sanding. One problem with hot wax is that it
runs down the windows when it rains, af-
fecting your visibility. If you're not in the
mood for do-it-yourself, budget about $100
for an auto detailer (one guy cleaned every
nook of our dash with a cotton swab) or visit
a hand wash where two or three scrubbing
technicians will supply the elbow grease.

Í was surprised that in your response in
July to G.T. from Kansas City, you didn't
the most obvious and most likely pos-

ty for his: wife's newfound sexual en-

become bored with his rather standard

sex” and found herself in a relationship

with an adventurous sexual spirit. She

brought that energy home. What do you

think2—M.J., San Diego, California
That's one theory.

Your answer to ОЛ was all wrong. Гуе
been married for 20 years and can tell
you that after about 15, men stop look
ing at their wives in an exciting way.
СЛ: wife probably tried to get his en-
gine going for some time and finally had
to take drastic measures. 1 am horny
most of the time, but my husband is too
stressed or tired to respond unless 1
shower him with affection. 1 have gotten
good at self-satisfaction. A note to mar-
ried men: Take notice of your wife. If she
has stayed this long, she is a keeper. If
you are not passionate about her, let her
go—S.C., Scarborough, Maine

And that’s another. The transformation of
G.T’s wife remains a mystery. Your own sit-
uation may not be one of neglect. Not many
people feel sexual when they're stressed or fa-
tigued; your "shower of affection" helps your
husband relax. Show him that a quickie is al-
so a way lo relieve stress, or, if he seems tired,
ask him to lie with you as you pleasure youi
self. He may get turned on despite himself.

АП reasonable questions—from fashion, food
and drink, stereo and sports cars to dat-
ing dilemmas, taste and etiquette—will be
personally answered if the writer includes a
self-addressed, stamped envelope. The most
provocative, pertinent questions will be pr
sented in these pages each month. Write the
Playboy Advis аувоу, 680 North Lake
Shore Drive, Chicago, Hlinois 60611, or
send e-mail by visiting playboyadvisor.com.
The Advisor's latest collection of sex trick
365 Ways to Improve Your Sex Life, is avail-
able in stores or by phoning 800-123-9494.

THE PLAYBOY FORUM

what we want to see when the state kills

gathered in Owensboro, Ken-

tucky to witness the public
hanging of Rainey Bethea. Bethea,
a 22-year-old black man, had been
convicted of raping and murdering
a 70-year-old white woman. After the
hanging, a mob fought for souvenirs.
That was the last time an American
executioner played to a crowd. Over
the years, various groups have cam-
paigned for a return to public execu-
tions. Most recently, the killing of
‘Timothy McVeigh renewed the argu-
ment that such an act would satisfy a
country's need for justice, or closure,
or simply revenge

PLAYBOY has long been opposed to
the death penalty, but if we are to
have the spectacle in this country, let's
do it right. Forget the sterilized IV in
a secret chamber. Since 1994, 16
countries have performed pub-
lic executions. What can we
learn from Afghanistan, Bu-
rundi, the Chechen Republic
China, Guatemala, Iran, Iraq,
Lebanon, Nigeria, North Korea, |
Rwanda, Saudi Arabia, Somalia,
Syria, Vietnam and Yemen?

In December 1995 the Los Angeles
Times reported the story of a North
Korean political prisoner who had
been forced to participate in the pub-
lic stoning of another inmate. Kang
Chol Hwan was 15. During his incar-
ceration, he witnessed 10 or so pub-
lic executions every year. Prisoners
who tried to escape or who gave the.
guards a hard time were sentenced
to hanging and stoning. Kang told
the Times he still recalls the shock he
felt watching the battered bodies be-
ing smashed and ripped apart by the
crowd's stones. "In the beginning, I
felt like throwing up and suffered
from nightmares. But after a while
got used to it.”

In the summer of 1997 London's
Sunday Telegraph published an article
about a video smuggled out of Afghan-
istan that depicted a public execu-
tion: On a hillside outside Kabul, a
hidden camera captured what seems
to be an ordinary public meeting. “It
is a sunny afternoon and a group of
men stand ina circle, listening to Tal-
iban soldiers shouting through loud-

| п 1936 some 20,000 spectators

speakers,” the newspaper reported.
“But the men look uneasy. They are
being ordered to watch a public exe-
cution. ‘He has murdered someone,"
say the soldiers. 'So he should be mur-
dered as punishment.’ They bring a
young man into the circle. Someone
produces a rope and the man's hands
and feet are tied together by the sol-
diers. He is forced to lie on his back,
staring up at the crowd around him.
A woman, with a veil covering her
face, steps forward. She holds a knife
to his throat and starts to cut. The

knife is not sharp and the man's
death is agonizingly slow. Even as he

dies, the Taliban continue to hold his
hands and feet. The woman picks up
the decapitated head by its hair,
proudly displaying it to the crowd.
Her expression is hidden by her veil,
and no one explains who she is. Un-
der Islamic law, relatives of the victim
can choose to take personal revenge
on the murderer.”

In August 1999 the Baltimore Sun
reported that Saudi Arabia had em-
barked on another orgy of head chop-
ping, decapitating 55 people, near-
ly double its 1998 toll. Two women
were beheaded in public for traffick-

ing in drugs. “Hawa Faruk and Aisha

Saada Kassem had their heads cut off
with swords—after their scarves were
torn from their heads by their exe-
cutioners. Up to five years ago, wom-
en were executed in Saudi prisons,
sometimes by firing squad. But since
1996 the Saudis have beheaded
women in public, often after Friday
prayers and in front of hundreds of
men. Executioners usually clean their
swords by wiping the blood on the
white clothes of their victims.”
Recent public executions in Af-
ghanistan have been performed in an
inefficient fashion. The condemned
does not stand with his back to a wall
to face a firing squad. The wall itself is
the executioner's tool. According to
Amnesty Internauonal, in early 1998
five men who had been convicted of
sodomy were sentenced to die. In
one instance, a tank pushed the wall
on top of three men as thousands
looked on.

In China, officials feel that exe-
cutions are family affairs, a national
| pastime. Amnesty International re-
ported that on June 29, 1998, 37
| People were sentenced to death

before 7000 people at a sports sta-
dium in Guangzhou. All appeals
were rejected and eight were exe-
cuted on the spot.
When a murderer was execut-
ed in Yemen in April 1997, a crowd
shouted its approval. “A man who
shot to death four children and two
teachers was executed in front of
cheering crowds near the two schools
where the killings took place,” re-
ported the Los Angeles Times. “As a
single sharpshooter executed Moham-
med Nazari, 48, crowds yelled, ‘God
is greatest’ and “Long live justice.
Yemen's highest court approved the
death sentence ruling, but it over-
turned an order that Nazari's body
should be nailed to a cross and dis-
played for three days."

In May of this year The Gazette of
Montreal reported on the execution
of a 35-year-old woman in Iran. The
woman, who had been arrested eight
years earlier for appearing in porn
movies, was stoned to death after be-
ing partially buried in a hole.

Now that's a crowd pleaser.

WE THE PEEPERS

one nation under surveillance

hat would Benjamin Frank-
lin think of the Internet?
How would the founding fa-

thers react to Ken Starr or the Drudge
Report? Would Alexander Hamilton
challenge a telemarketer to a duel?
What do we make of a world where Su-
preme Court nominees scoff at the
right to privacy; where business lead-
ers buy and sell information collected
in milliseconds; where companies mar-
ket videotapes claiming to show lovers
caught on security tapes; where gossip
has become a national industry?
Robert Ellis Smith has been a cru-
sader for privacy since 1974, when he
launched the Privacy Journal.
He has written seven books
on the topic, including Priva-
су: How to Protect Whats Left of
it and the newly published
history Ben Franklin's Web Site:
Privacy and Curiosity from Ply-
mouth Rock to the Internet. We
decided to investigate.
PLAYBOY: In Ben Franklin's Web
Site you write about two great
American freedoms, priva-
cy and curiosity, neither of
which are mentioned in the
Constitution. You describe
history as a continual tension
between the two. Let's start
with curiosity. Are we a nation
of snoops?
SMITH: We have a mania for
information, for rumor and gossip. 1
think it originated with the loneliness
of the New World. A large number of
foreigners came over to check us out,
to see what we were like as a people. Al-
most all were shocked by the "inqui
tive nature,” “impertinent curiosity
and almost “violent intimacy” of Amer-
icans. Travelers were peppered with
questions: Where did you come from?
Where are you going? What is your
name? Perhaps because there was so
much space, and we lived so far apart
from one another, we felt a need to
know what was going on in other vil-
lages. There seemed to be a uniquely
American preoccupation with gossip.
Little has changed. Devouring infor-
mation seems to be an American trait.
We're even willing to give up informa-
tion about ourselves. Just look at TV
talk shows, at talk radio, at the variety

of magazines devoted to confession.
Despite the lip service we pay to pri-
vacy, we don't seem to be offended by
prying questions. In fact, we're flat-
tered to be asked. It starts in school,
when children are asked to fill out ques-
tionnaires and surveys. By the time
we're adults, we've been trained to do
it. No one stops to ask why this infor-
mation is being gathered.

PLAYBOY: You suggest that snooping has
religious roots.

SMITH: Colonial churches played the
role of government. The first census
counters, the first welfare system, the
initial moral underpinnings for the

community came from the church.
One Calvinist church decorated its pul-
pit with the all-seeing eye of God. It
was one’s duty to keep an eye on others
to make sure they were meeting their
spiritual obligations. Puritan leaders
instructed members to inform on each
other. This was not considered snoop-
ing but a duty to the church. Congre-
gations provided nightwatches. There
were tithingmen who checked out sin-
gle persons living alone, Sabbath break-
ers, üpplers, debauchers and the like.
They were free to enter houses.

But the church did not, as years went
on, have absolute dominance. Many
ornery folks moved to rural areas, where
they were nonbelievers, or didn't pay
homage to the church. There are hilar-
ious accounts of how early Americans
dealt with busybodies: “A good cudgel
applied in the dark is an excellent med-

icine for a malignant spirit.” That was
the remedy for a neighbor who was
“more than ordinarily vigilant.”
PLAYBOY: In Ben Franklin's Web Site you
suggest that privacy began as a sense of
physical space.
SMITH: The sanctity of the house was a
notion that came over from England.
The forces of the king had regularly
infiltrated the home. Eventually that
concept dissolved; even the lowliest
serf could not have his house invad-
ed by the sovereign. We developed the
custom of building stone walls, of clear-
ly delineating what was ours.
PLAYBOY: Yet the concept of a right to
privacy wasn't part of English
common law.
SMITH: Not during our colo-
nial period. Privacy as a legal
concept is an American in-
vention. John Davenport, a
Puritan cleric, used the term
in a letter in the 1630s. He
described privacy in terms of
solitude, reserve, a respite
from a day of engaging in
public affairs. America of-
fered elbowroom.
PLAYBOY: You note that what
we think of as privacy today
barely existed in the colo-
nies. Entire families slept in
the same bed. Strangers
shared beds in inns. The
first room devoted to privacy
was not the master bedroom but the
library.
SMITH: That's right. John Adams con-
trasted the demands of public life—the
action, debate, business, pleasure and
conversation— with the desire for con-
templation. One entry in his diary,
written in 1761, expresses a desire for
escape: “Reading and reflection in re-
tirement will be a relief and a high re-
fined pleasure." There came a time
when he withdrew from public life
entirely.
PLAYBOY: He sounds like the patron
saint of reticence.
smith: He thought that dissimulation,
the concealment from others of sen-
timents, actions, desires and resolu-
tions—i.e., avoiding the truth —was not
only lawful but commendable "because
once divulged, our enemies may avail
themselves of the knowledge of them

to our damage, danger and confusion.
This kind of dissimulation, which is no
more than concealment, secrecy and
reserve, or in other words, prudence
and discretion, is a necessary branch of
wisdom and so far from being immoral
and unlawful and a virtue." I thought
Bill Clinton would appreciate that.
PLAYBOY: Did the nation make a mis-
take inquiring into Clinton's sex life?
SMITH: I was disappointed he didn't in-
voke his right to privacy. He could have
said, "This is beneath the dignity of the
president," and gotten away with it. If
he had stonewalled instead of lying, he
would have had a much easier time.
PLAYBOY: We were surprised to learn
that the founding fathers correspond-
ed in code.

зматн; Washington, Alexander Hamil-
ton, Thomas Jefferson, James Madison
and William Byrd all used ciphers to
mask their political opinions. The men
who wrote the Federalist Papers pub-
lished under aliases. When Madison
first drafted the Bill of Rights,
he suggested that "the full
and equal rights of con-
science" should not be in-
fringed. Individual thought
was as important as the right
of religion.

PLAYBOY: Ben Franklin, who
wrote the famous line, "Three
can keep a secret if two are
dead," seemed to be on the
cutting edge of the American
concept of privacy.

SMITH: Franklin was the na-
tion's first celebrity, a man
who was constantly stopped
on the street. In his autobiog-
raphy he argued that you can-

not have an active intellectual

life without safe havens of pri-

vacy. As the first custodian of the mails,
Franklin developed at least some no-
tion that the message between sender
and recipient ought to be protected. In
1753 he passed a regulation requiring
his employees “not to open or suffer to
be opened any mail or bag of letters."
Franklin also first articulated what be-
came known as the principle of sec-
ondary use: The information you pro-
vide for one purpose ought not to be
used for another purpose without your
consent.

PLAYBOY: The telegraph had a pro-
found effect on privacy, because it put
private information into the hands of
the companies who provided the ser-
vice. How did the nation react?

SMITH: When the telegraph was first in-
troduced people thought it offered
greater security than the mail, if for no

other reason than the messages were
in code. But it also required a leap of
faith. There would be no traces, such
as an opened envelope, if the message
were intercepted. And the message was
in plain view of the telegraph operator.
Congress became interested in using
telegraph records as legal evidence as
early as 1868, in the impeachment tri-
al of Andrew Johnson. By 1877, West-
ern Union was handing over trunkfuls
of telegrams to federal investigators.
But Congress never extended the tele-
graph the same rights as the mail.
There was a renewed panic in 1881,
when Jay Gould took control of West-
ern Union. The public feared and de-
spised this robber baron, and worried
about all that power being in one man's
hands.

PLAYBOY: Each new technology—from
Kodak cameras to Dictaphones to high-
speed presses—has stirred concerns
about privacy.

smith: I'm glad you mentioned the

camera. It must have been traumatic
for people to realize that somebody
else could possess something they bare-
ly possessed themselves—even mirrors
at the time weren't that good or com-
mon. This image could be carried away
and used by someone else, beyond the
subject's control. That's what I think
led to the development of the concept
of privacy in the 1890s. There was an
upheaval within the space of a few
decades that mostly had to do with in-
formation processing. In 1873, we had
the first effective typewriter. In 1876,
the telephone. In 1886 the New York
Tribune introduced typesetting with
linotype machines. In 1888, Kodak in-
troduced the snapshot camera. And so
forth. Each of these advances provid-
ed a capacity for gathering informa-
tion and distributing it widely. This

jured in a rail

was shocking to people raised in a ru-
ral world.
PLAYBOY: When did our notion of pri-
vacy get reduced to sexual privacy?
SMITH: Around the end of the 19th cen-
tury, although 1 can't say exactly why.
Perhaps it was Freud's doing. Privacy
became a code word for hiding mostly
illicit sexual relations.
PLAYBOY: You suggest that the conver-
gence of tabloid journalism and vari-
ous “trials of the century” brought in-
tense scrutiny to the sex lives of public
figures. Did this also influence privacy?
SMITH: I think so. Samuel Warren Jr.
and Louis Brandeis clearly were react-
ing to tabloid journalism when they in-
troduced a modern concept of priva-
cy in 1890 in the Harvard Law Review.
Legend has it that Warren was out-
raged by Boston press coverage of the
social activities of his family. What busi-
ness had the public in knowing who
came over for tea? Warren and Bran-
deis wrote: "The press is overstepping
in every direction the obvious
bounds of propriety and of
decency. Gossip is no longer
the resource of the idle and
of the vicious but has become
a trade, which is pursued
with industry as well as ef-
frontery." They borrowed a
phrase from legal scholar
Thomas McIntyre Cooley,
who two years earlier had de-
scribed a right of personal
immunity, the right "to be let
alone." In 1890, E.L. God-
kin, editor of The Nation, also
wrote an influential article in
Scribners that called privacy a
natural right and "one of the
luxuries of civilization."
PLAYBOY: What was the first le-
gal recognition of a right to privacy?
SMITH: A few months after the Harvard
Law Review article, the U.S. Supreme
Court recognized something close to a
right of privacy. A woman had been in-
y accident and sued
the railroad, which wanted her to take
a medical exam. The court held that
you cannot compel a person to disrobe
and submit to a personal exam. They
declared, "No right is held more sa-
cred, or is more carefully guarded by
the common law, than the right of.
every individual to the possession and
control of his own person, free from all
restraint or interference of others, un-
less by clear and unquestionable au-
thority of law. The inviolability of the
person is as much invaded by a com-
pulsory stripping and exposure as by a
blow. To compel anyone, and especially

a woman, to lay bare the body or to
submit it to the touch of a stranger,

without lawful authority, is an indig-
nity and assault and a trespass.

PLAYBOY: So within the space of a cen-
tury, we've seen the right to privacy
develop from a sense of place to à
sense of the personal to control over

Ithough we still strongly
associate privacy with a sense of place.
You see it in the strong 1%
ple have to video monitoring. Law
enforcement says, "What are you
complaining about? We only video-
tape in public spaces.” The courts talk
about citizens having a reduced “ex-
pectation of privacy” in certain cir-
cumstances. It's important to remem-
ber the private moments of our lives
that take place in so-called public
spaces. That would include holding
hands or showing affection, wearing
armbands or political but-
tons, reading a publication,
going to or from an abor-
tion center. going to and
from a house of worship. AIL
of these actions are protect-
ed by the First Amendment
yet can take place in public.

I want to disabuse people of

the notion that just because
something happens in pub-

lic, it cannot be a private

act. We ought to have the

right not to have those mo-

ments recorded for posteri-

ty without our consent.

PLAYBOY: Who were last cen-

tury's privacy vi

SMITH: The first has to be

1. Edgar Hoover. He was ob-

sessed with people's sexual activities
and private aflairs. He devoted an en-
tire arm of government not to trac!
ing criminals but to invading people's
homes.

PLAYBOY: In Ben Franklin's Web Site
you describe Hoover's campaign in
the Thirties to close the "hot pillow"
trade at tourist cabins and inotels.
Hoover first claimed that the motels
were frequented by criminals, so the
government needed access to the
guest registers. Then, when it was re-
vealed that most people were just
there to have sex, he wrote about sin.
sur: People in power seem to have
this great curiosity that overwhelms
them. Hoover used public relations
more than law enforcement for his
reign of terror. He had entree into
magazines such as Reader's Digest. He
could shape opinion.

тлувоу: Do you consider Chief Jus-

tice William Rehnquist to be a priva-
cy villain? The man has never met
an athlete he didn't want to collect
urine from.

SMITH: He's gotten a free ride. As as-
sistant attorney general under Presi-
dent Nixon, he was among the advi-
sors who told the president that he
had the right under executive priv-
ilege to conduct investigations and
domestic surveillance. During the Wa-
tergate period, Rehnquist's finger-
prints were all over the Daniel Ells-
berg break-in. When he succeeded
William Douglas, who was a privacy
hero, on the Supreme Court, Rehn-
quist decided he was the new privacy
expert. This is a man who has said he
did not see how a two-way mirror ina
store's changing room was an inva-
sion of privacy.

PLAYBOY: He turned the definition of
privacy on its head.

SMITH: There wasa key decision short-
ly before Rehnquist came on board
that gave him a foothold. In Griswold
vs. Connecticut, decided in 1965, the
Court overturned a state law banning
contraceptives and defined a coi
tutional “right to privacy.” I remem-
ber thinking it ironic that Douglas,
aman who'd had three marriages,
went on about the sanctity of mar-
аре. But by not also discussing the
sanctity of every intimate relation-
ship, he opened the door for Rehn-
quist, whose court has declined to
extend the right to privacy to homo-
sexuals or to extramarital affairs. At
every turn Rehnquist has been coun-
terintuitive, saying there is no priva-
cy right in things that 10 the average
American seem the ultimate in priva-
cy, such as giving a urine sample on
demand. Nothing surprises or out-
rages me more than that Americans

seem to have accepted that the gov-
ernment or an employer can extract a
fluid from your body and analyze it as
they see fit.
PLAYBOY: Who is standing against
Rehnquist?
эмггн: Justice Sandra Day O'Connor
has become a champion. In one abor-
tion case she wrote: “At the heart of.
liberty is the right to define one's own
concept of existence, of meaning, of
the universe, and of the mystery of.
human life. Beliefs about these mat-
ters could not define the attributes of
personhood were they formed under
compulsion of the state.” Put another
way, the concept of privacy extends to
all the intimate attributes of person-
hood—including sexuality, family
life, personal health care and educa-
tion, spirituality, intellectual activities
and possibly how one earns or spends
one's personal resources.
PLAYBOY: A privacy expert
recently complained that
most people seem so un-
concerned about govern-
ment intrusion that we
need a Privacy Chernobyl
to energize the issue.
SMITH: That notion goes
back to Louis Brandcis,
who thought the Ameri-
can people would recog-
nize the right to pri
cy only when there was
a cataclysmic violation.
То some extent, we have
already had them. We've
seen masses of leaks from
the IRS. We have seen
the case of Beverly Den-
who was subjected to
harassment from a prisoner because
Metromail. the largest direct mail bus-
iness in the country, let inmates pro-
cess consumer questionnaires. It will
take the equivalent of an oil spill for
people to realize how sacred their pri-
vacy is, and how poisoned the envi-
ronment has become.
ravsor: Privacy advocates ofien are
tarred with the brush of conspirac
“What do you have to hide?” Is there
a definition of privacy that is its own
best defense?
SMITH: 1 prefer to take a more prag-
matic approach. You cannot possibly
anticipate what's going to happen
that will make certain personal infor-
mation about you important. And
people forget that a shared respect
for privacy also allows us to be candid
within a circle of trusted friends and
colleagues. That's how you build
communities.

PRIVACY NIGHTMARES

sa man with HIV, John Doe

had a difficult time finding

the drugs he needed to sus-
tain his life, parucularly the HIV pro-
tease inhibitor ritonavir. He com-
mended his local chain-drugstore
pharmacist for keeping supplies of it.
The druggist suggested he write a let-
ter of thanks to the parent company.
Doe was shocked later to discover
that the company published his letter,
induding his name, in its widely dis-
tributed newsletter. The local phar-
macy displayed an excerpt from the
letter above the cash register and
in a window. Only Doe's family,
close friends and his health care
provider had known of his HIV
status. Once exposed by the phar-
macy, he began to receive threat-
ening phone calls and had his
home vandalized.

Customers of the Charter Pa-
cific Bank in Los Angeles discov-
ered that their bank had sold
their credit card numbers to Ken-
neth Taves. Taves and two accom-
plices billed the accounts of about
900,000 customers for services the
cardholders hadn't ordered. How-
ever, law enforcement officials said
they could point to no state or fed-
eral law that the bank had violated
by selling the information.

Liam Youens posted threats on
his website against a former high
school classmate named Amy Boy-
er, then hired numerous firms to
retrieve information about her. Inter-
net firms provided her Social Securi-
ty number and birthdate, but Youens
wanted more. He needed to know
where she worked. With an address
in hand, Youens shot Boyer dead,
then killed himself.

A woman discovered that a neigh-
bor had hidden a camera to video-
tape her taking a shower. Because
state and federal laws at the time pro-
hibited only covert audio surveillance,
the neighbor's lawyer argued that his
client could not be charged. But pros-
ecutors pointed out that the victim's
voice could be heard on the video—
after she discovered the camera. A
judge sentenced the man to six months
of home detention. Similar cases have
been reported in Alaska, Kansas, Lou-
isiana, Maryland and New Jersey.

Officials at Spanish River High
School in Boca Raton, Florida re-
quired that students who planned to
attend the prom with a date who was
not enrolled at Spanish River fill outa
form with the date's name, driver's li-
cense number, date of birth, most re-
cent school attended, grade in school,
or employer and the employer's ad-
dress and phone number. Adminis-
trators then used the information to
run background checks. A security
official said administrators in Palm
Beach County rejected eight dates

and videotaped an ex-girlfriend while
she was nude. Prosecutors charged
him with violating a state law against
video voyeurism. But the Wisconsin
Supreme Court ruled the law uncon-
stitutional because it “not only prop-
erly prohibits the man’s surreptitious
videotaping of his former girlfriend
in the nude but also improperly pro-
hibits all visual expression of nudi-
ty without explicit consent, includ-
ing political satire and newsworthy
images.” The ruling prompted the
attorney general's office to worry
about an “open season for Peep-
ing Toms.”

An employee of the Ohio Bu-
reau of Motor Vehicles perused
motor vehicle files to find the ad-
dresses of drivers who he believed
had cut him off in traffic. He then
mailed the drivers anonymous,
threatening notes.

The Congressional Record pub-
lished the Social Security numbers
of military officers receiving pro-
motions. A privacy website posted
the names and numbers to dem-
onstrate how easily such records
could be legally obtained. The in-
formation was used by at least two
crooks to open hundreds of fake
credit card accounts.

A Phoenix woman had just
dropped off a roll of sexually ex-
plicit shots for one-hour develop-
ing when she gota call from a bar-

se! tender she had dated. He told her

last year for reasons that included
"insubordination, being troublemak-
ers, drug use and stealing cars."

A woman lost control of her car and
drove over an embankment. When a
rescue crew arrived, they found her
pinned beneath the vehicle. The an-
guished victim, who had been par-
alyzed from the waist down, told
an emergency nurse, "I just want to
die." Unbeknownst to the woman, the
nurse had been wired for sound by a
TV show called On Scene: Emergency
Response. The show later aired the au-
dio, along with video taken in the he-
licopter that airlifted her from the
scene. The victim, who saw the pro-
gram from her hospital bed, sued for
invasion of privacy, and the California
Supreme Court ruled she had a case.

A Wisconsin man climbed a tree

the photo clerk and his buddies were
athis bar pawing through a dupli-
cate set of her prints. She rushed to
the bar, confiscated her pictures and
eventually sued the store.

А member of a group that opposes
gay rights infiltrated a workshop on
gay sex practices and covertly record-
ed the sensitive discussion among
the young men and women. He then
gave explicit excerpts from the tape
to a radio station. Participants in the
seminar believed that their discus-
sions would be kept confidential.
Three people connected with the pro-
gram lost their jobs.

From War Stories III: Accounts of Per-
sons Victimized by Invasions of Privacy.
For more information, visit the Privacy
Journal at privacyjournal.net.

REPARATIONS BACKLASH
The uproar over David Hor-
owitz’ newspaper ad about rep-
arations for slavery is much ado
about nothing ("For the Sake of
Argument,” The Playboy Forum,
July). Horowitz has done an
excellent job blurring the lines
between editorial and advertis-
ing practices, but the fact is that
newspapers don't have to
accept ads. When many
papers refused Horowitz’

lated. That's ri Л
Horowitz portrays himself

as a vilified crusader trying to

spur debate ona difficult sub-

ject. In fact, he's simply intent
on spreading his brand of truth
and attacking college journal-
ists who don't go along with it.
Notice that he hasn't tried to at-
tack anyone in the mainstream
media, perhaps because that
would be too close to picking
on someone his own size.

Ray Marcano, president

Society of Professional

Journalists
Indianapolis, Indiana

I commend you for publish-
ing the Horowitz ad. Had you
not, I probably never would
have read it. It struck me as rea-
sonable and honest. The time
has come to leave prejudice
and victimization behind and
begin celebrating our cultural
unity.

Adrienne Givler
Altoona, Pennsylvania

1 don't mind if David Horowitz
doesn't agree with the idea of repara-
tions for the descendants of slaves. My
concern is how his ad diminishes the
incerns of black Americans. We weren't
iven" a "gift" of freedom: We fought
and continue to fight for respect and
equality. 1 hope Horowitz doesn't be-
lieve that the Emancipation Proclama-
tion or the amendments to the Consti-
tution were all it took to get rid of the
hardships. Blacks today are not victim-
ized to the same extent as those who
came before. But that doesn't mean
concerns of bigotry and racism aren't
valid. Black history needs to be taught,
understood and appreciated by every

< J
OF LONG LASTING HENI

_ FOR THE RECORD

SEX Unore COVER

“It's not so much about the purchasing of the
book as being able to have it around the house
without your kids saying, ‘Mommy, what does

—Pamela Lister, who with other Redbook editors
wrole Married Lust: 10 Secrets of Long-Lasting
Desire, explaining why the book has a reversible
dust jacket. According lo Publishers Weekly, the
editor of Redbook decided to reinvent the plain
brown wrapper "out of consideration for Redbook
subscribers concerned about their children's see-
ing magazine cover lines that contain the word
sex, The editors remedied the problem and didn’t

want to have the same issue with the book.”

American. In my view, that would be
the most valuable “reparation.”
James Cassidy Jr.
Odenton, Maryland

The opinion of The New York Times to
the contrary, the only place where the
idea of reparations for slavery is “gain-
ing urgency” is within the fever swamps
of the lunatic left.

Joseph Kutch
Pineville, Louisiana

Horowitz’ ad shows just how entan-
gled America has become in political
correctness. Haven't steps already been
taken to correct past wrongs? As Horo-
witz asks, weren't the deaths of 350,000
Union soldiers and one of our finest
presidents and trillions of dollars in res-
titution sufficient gestures? And what

about racial quotas in job place-
ment and educational institu-
tions? It seems that our society
is no longer built
on the ideal of “may
the best man win,”
but on pacification.
Amy Sm
Wilson, Wisconsin

RET

Whether or not
one thinks Horowitz
has the better of the
argument (I do, but
some of his points are
better reasoned than

others), the most star-
tling aspect of the mat-
ter has been the reac-
tion, particularly at universities,
to the mere presentation of the
issue for discussion. Here in
North Carolina, the Horowitz
ad was published in the Duke
University newspaper. The
knee-jerk reaction on campus
made the evening news. The
university counseling center
felt obligated to offer free ser-
vices to “traumatized” students.
This is the greatest possible in-
dictment of our PC-gone-mad
culture. Even supposedly gifted
and curious students are so
threatened by the discussion of
an issue dealing with race (ex-
cept, of course, when the issue
is framed with whites as aggres-
sors and blacks as victims) that
they become hysterical.

Michael Vaio

Raleigh, North Carolina

In a narrow but important sense,
Horowitz is dead wrong in his first
paragraph. There was a single group
responsible for slavery in the American
colonies. It was the British crown,
which developed the triangle trade be-
tween Europe, Africa and the Ameri-
cas and profited hugely from it. If the
heirs of the slave trade are to be paid
reparations, it should be by the heirs of
the original profiteers. Her Majesty
could probably afford it, but don't hold
your breath.

Edward Robles
Franklin, North Carolina

Newspapers, especially college news-
papers, face a double-cdged sword. 1
work for The Stoutonia at the University

of Wisconsin-Stout. What we see day
after day is the inability of many read-
ers to distinguish the newspaper from
the news. Recently, we reported on an
alleged sexual assault. We took the
bulk of the story from police reports,
but almost immediately received letters
telling us we had been one-sided. We
also had widespread theft of the issue.
It seems people feel that by removing
the newspapers, they can remove the
problem.

1 have two pieces of advice for those
who are angry at newspapers for print-
ing the Horowitz ad: Don't kill the
messenger and, if you don't like what
you're reading, start your own fucking
newspaper.

Matt Tracy
Stoughton, Wisconsin

The rise of political correctness was
once thought to be a fad that would go
the way of leisure suits and tie-dye. In-
stead, it appears to have attached
itself to the underside of our edu-
cational system like a barnacle to
a rusting scow. The First Amend-
ment is beautiful in its simplicity,
yet misunderstood by much of aca-
demia. Its purpose is not merely
to grant room for foul language.
It’s designed to provide the broad-
est possible forum for the inter-
change of ideas. Instead, dissent
has become a hate crime. While we
chuckle at the loony-tunes from
the left and right, we accept, toler-
ate and, in some cases, support
those who sanction this anti-intel-
lectual hooliganism.

William Broderick
"Tampa, Florida

An African American lawyer, writing
in The Washington Post, recently noted
that most Americans know more about
Nazi crimes against Jews than about
this country’s historical crimes against
blacks. So she proposed a more man-
ageable way than reparations to re-
mind everyone of the terrible history
and lingering consequences of slavery:
a federal museum similar to the one
dedicated to the Holocaust.

Richard Zimmerman
Washington, D.C.

SEX ON TELEVISION
James R. Petersen's article about our
study of sexual content on TV ("Sex on
Television," The Playboy Forum, July)

misses the point.
Fach year, one in four sexually active
teen girls becomes pregnant and one in
four sexually active teens contracts an
STD. Clearly. young people need role
models and information to protect
themselves if they choose to have sex.
Television can play a positive role.
When Felicity goes to the health clinic
before she has sex for the first time, or
when the characters on Dawson's Creek
go shopping for condoms, they're set-
ting a positive example—in an enter-
taining way—for teens who choose to
be sexually active. When another char-
acter on one of those shows doesn't take
precautions and suffers an emotional
or physical consequence of sex, that
sends an important message as well.
Sexual content on TV is neither in-

FORUM F.Y.I.

herently good nor bad. But the mes-
sages the medium conveys about sex
and relationships can have an impact
on viewers. Television writers should
think about the messages that they're
communicating—and when they can,
they should show a condom on the
bedside table. That hardly seems too
much to ask.

Vicky Rideout

Kaiser Family Foundation
Menlo Park, California

We would like to hear your point of view.
Send questions, opinions and quirky stuff to
The Playboy Forum, PLAYBOY, 680 North
Lake Shore Drive, Chicago, Mlinois 60611,
e-mail forum@playboy.com or fax 312-
951-2939. Please include a daytime phone
number and your city and state or province.

Want to make a statement? Founded in 1975, the Erotics Gallery in Man-
hattan has an extensive selection of sexually charged artwork from the
past three centuries. You can browse its catalog at EroticRarities.com.
Shown here are (clockwise from top left) Rowboat, a 1920 French water-
color by an unknown artist; Doug John's Bust I; ап А. Gotsch poster from
the 1978 Hooker's Ball in San Francisco; an anonymous French watercol-
or, Wheelbarrow; and an unattributed bronze sculpture, Yogi.

N E W

S F К

O N T

what's happening in the sexual and social arenas

PATCH PREVENTION =

cHicaco—Research suggests that a
contraceptive patch wom on the abdomen
or buttocks may be as safe and effective as
the pill. Manufactured by Johnson and

Johnson, the matchbook-size device deliv-
ers low levels of estrogen and progestin
through the skin to prevent ovulation. A
study of 1417 women found the product
to be 98 percent effective, about the same
rate as the pill. Pending FDA approval,
it should be available by early 2002.

MEAT SEEKERS, ——

WASHINGTON, D.C—In 1992, two fed-
eral agents aimed a thermal imaging de-
vice—the Agema Thermovision 210—at a
home in Florence, Oregon. Based on tips
and utility bills, they suspected the owner
of growing marijuana with heat lamps. In
court, the suspect challenged the thermal
imaging, which detects hot spots on the
outside of a structure, as an illegal search.
The government countered that its agents
measured the heat only after it had left the
home. This past summer, the U.S. Supreme
Court ruled 5 to 4 that thermal imaging
and similar monitoring of homes without a
warrant violates the Fourth Amendment.

cHicaco—A lawyer waiting in line
outside a nightclub noticed that women
were being charged $10 admission and
men $15, so he complained to the state's

Department of Human Rights. Illinois
prohibits businesses from discriminating
based on gender, and five other states and
Washington, D.C. specifically ban clubs
from charging different prices for men and
women. Following media coverage, in-
cluding a Chicago Tribune editorial that
chastised him for lacking common sense,
the lawyer dropped his complaint. "I think
it would be better to let it go,” he said.

BAS ATTACK

LONDON—Scolland Yard launched an
investigation following charges that an of-
ficer farted during a drug raid at a sub-
urban home. According to a leiter sent by
internal affairs to eight officers: “An alle-
gation has been received that a male officer
broke wind in the hallway and did not apol-
ogize to the family. The complainant felt
it was rude and unprofessional.”

- TERROR TACTIC
RIVERSIDE, CALIFORNIA—Keillt Henson
considers Scientology a dangerous сий,
and he's become one of the organization's
most vocal critics. Last year he picketed
outside its film studio and participated in a
tongue-in-cheek discussion online about
targeting the building with a nuclear mis-
sile. That led prosecutors to charge the
electrical engineer with making terrorist.
threats. Henson argued that he had been
exercising his right to free speech. After a
jury convicled him of а misdemeanor hate
crime, Henson fled to Canada.

FULL OISCLOSURE

SAN FRANCISCO—A federal judge ruled
that state prison officials must allow wit-
nesses to an execulion to see the entire pro-
cedure, nol just the moments before the pris-
oner dies. The state argued that it needed
to protect the identities of the guards who
secure the prisoner. The judge suggested
that the officers wear surgical masks to
conceal their faces, but prison officials said
that would “disrupt the human bond that
the team tries to establish with the inmate”
so he won't resist.

LEGAL AFFAIR

CHARLOTTE, NORTH CAROLINA— Jeffrey
Presser and Debra Oddo dated from the
eighth grade through their sophomore year
in college. Years later, after each had mar-

x agi

ried other people, Oddo phoned Presser to
catch up. One thing led to another, and
within weeks both had asked their spouses
for divorces. Oddo's jilted husband then
did what any red-blooded American might
do: He sued under an obscure state law
that prohibits “alienation of affection” and
another that bans adultery. A jury decided
that Thomas Oddo should be compensat-
ed for the loss of his spouse, including her
value as a housewife, and ordered Presser
to pay him $1.41 million.

ZERO SENSE

FORT MYERS, FLORIDA—A school offi-
cial patrolling a high school parking lot
spotted a five-inch steak knife on the floor
of a student's car. The school alerted police,
who arrested senior Lindsay Brown. Cit-
ing the school's zero-tolerance policy to-
ward weapons, officials suspended the Na-
tional Merit Scholar for five days and
banned her from graduation ceremonies.
Brown said the knife must have fallen out
of a box she had moved over the weekend.

OLDSMAR. FLORIDA—Police led an 11-
year-old away from school in handcuffs be-
cause he had drawn pictures of weapons.
"We need to get it through kids’ heads that
there are certain things you don't draw,”
the principal said.

EAST SABLE RIVER, NOVA SCOTIA—
School administrators suspended а second
grader for à day because he pointed a
breaded chicken finger at a classmate and
said, "Bang!" The boy earlier had been sus-
pended for forming a gun with his hand.

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PLAYBOY INTERVIEW: THE WEST WING

a candid conversation with the cast and creators of the smartest show on the air about
politics (real and imagined), drugs (yes, it happens) and why tv loves liberals

This is definitely not George W. Bush's
White House. Secret Service agents play
Frisbee with a beefy guy in a Drew Carey
Show cap. In place of Lafayette Park and the
Washington Monument are the looming
Burbank Hills under a brown and smoggy
sky. The White House columns are hollow
and painted white, and the desk in the presi-
dents office is a fake (though a perfect repli-
ca of John Kennedy's desk). When the presi-
dent, played by Martin Sheen, arrives, he's
not in a motorcade limousine with bullet-
proof windows. He's pedaling an old, fat-
wheeled bicycle.

That's life on the set of the NBC television.
series The West Wing, where the day is de-
voted not to the Arab-Israeli conflict or
school vouchers but to a different sort of cri-
sis. Sheen jumps off the bike and ducks into
the White House doors just as Rob Lowe ca-
veers up on a golf cart, screeching to a stop.
Waving a Newsweek magazine in his hand,
Lowe seems outraged by the magazine's cov-
ек There's a picture of James Gandolfini and
other cast members of The Sopranos with a
headline that reads WHY THE SOPRANOS HAS
THE REST OF TV RUNNING FOR ITS LIFE. “Did

you see this?” Lowe yelps, his cobalt eyes
flashing. “Did you see this? We're running
for our lives? Then how come I'm not even
winded?”

Lowe is right. Neither he nor anyone else
on the West Wing set is looking over his
shoulder at The Sopranos—or at anything
else. The show, which is launching its third
season on NBC, is hotter than ever—a
smash hit that has broken ground on televi-
sion and wound its way into our political de-
bate. What other TV show is referenced on
the front pages of The New York Times, is ar-
gued about on op-ed pages and, according
lo some people, has influenced our presi-
dential election? The West Wing tackles
gun control, flag burning, nuclear arms, rac-
ism, religion and terrorism. Time magazine
called it “our national civics lesson” and the
show is sometimes taken ridiculously seriou
ly. One example: Last season, when the fü
tional president's secretary was killed in a
car wreck, the show was inundated with let-
ters and telephone calls, and the death was
mourned by a moment of silence in the Cali-
fornia State Assembly.

The West Wing was created and is written

SHEEN: “J's going to take a long time to re-
alize what a magnificent leader Clinton was.
His humanity was behind his great flaws,
but it was also part of his great heroism.”

SPENCER: “I've always been interested in
politics, but I make it clear Гт an actor who
plays a politician. I let the problems of the
free world go when I leave the studio."

SCHIFF: "There is an emotional freedom
The Sopranos has that we don't. It's not
about showing breasts and being crude. It’s
about a greater freedom of expression."

with consistent wit by Aaron Sorkin, whose
credits include A Few Good Men and The
American President. Sorkin proposed the
show off the cuff at a lunch meeting with
John Wells, creator of another successful
television series, ER. They brought in direc-
tor Thomas Schlamme, a veteran of the Lar-
ry Sanders Show, and the trio convinced
Warner Bros. and NBC to back a pilot. Ac-
cording to former Democratic pollster Pat
Caddell, who is an assistant producer and
advisor on the show, the executives had no
expectations for the show and gave it a green
light only as a favor to Wells.

The pilot was a sharply written and
smartly acted glimpse at life in the real White
House—albeit a White House headed by a
charismatic president and a staff that was
unconcerned about polls and reelection, In-
stead they are fiercely, boldly and passionate-
ly committed to doing the right thing. That's
right, й a fantasy.

Television executives put the show on hold
during the Monica Lewinsky scandal; they
worried that Americans had had enough of
politics. However, when it finally aired in
1999, the show was an instant success with

LOWE: “This show has always been about
wish fulfillment. The problem is that, re-
gardless of ideology, there will never be an
administration as user-friendly as Bartlet's. "

JANNEY: “H was powerful to walk into the
Oval Office, but the first time I walked onto
our set I got chills. When I got to the real
White House, I thought, Oh, ours is better.”

HILL: “In school, people called me a nigger.
Every time black history month came around
and they talked about Martin Luther King,
everyone in the class turned to look at me."

PLAYBOY

critics and with a substantial prime-time au-
dience. By the time the most recent season
ended the past spring with a cliff-hanger—
despite the fact that he concealed a serious
illness, will President Bartlet run for a sec-
ond term?—the show had become a smash.
During its second season, The West Wing.
had an average of 17 million viewers a
week. That placed it in 13th place among all
shows on all networks for the year (up from
30th place the year before). It dominated its
Wednesday night slot and gave NBC its
highest ratings among adult viewers at that
time since Seinfeld. The show has also won
numerous awards. In its debut season, it
took home nine Emmys, including outstand-
ing drama series. It is the all-time leader
with the most Emmys won by a series іп а
single season. This year it garnered another
18 Emmy nominations. Other accolades in-
clude a Peabody for excellence in television,
a Golden Globe for best drama series and
three Television Critics Association awards.
Earlier this year; the cast won the Screen Ac-
tors Guild award for outstanding perfor-
mance by an ensemble.

The cast, headed by Sheen, plays liberal
and is liberal. Several members, along with
Sorkin, campaigned for Al Gore. Many po-
liticos in the Clinton White House were fans
of the show. The cast and creators were in-
vited to Washington. Some columnists wrote
that The West Wing lost the election for Gore
because Gore couldn't live ир to Sheen's
President Josiah Bartlet.

Sheen’s long acting career has spanned
decades and includes unforgettable perfor-
mances in Apocalypse Now, Badlands and

WHITFORD: “People who want to listen to
what we have to say about politics wouldn't
expect Anthony Edwards to operate on them.
On the other hand, why should I shut up?”

WELLS: “We have doctors on ER and po-
litical consultants on The West Wing and we
do a tremendous amount of fact checking.
We take that responsibility seriously."

Missiles of October. During the filming of
Apocalypse Now, Sheen suffered a heart at-
tack, and later went into recovery for his al-
coholism. Sheen, once fired for trying to or-
ganize his fellow caddie employees at a
country club, has been arrested more than 70
times in political protests. His four children
include actors Emilio Estevez and Charlie
Sheen.

Another regular on the show is Leo Mc-
Garry, the president's chief of staff, played by
John Spencer, an actor who has been work-
ing since he was a child star on The Patty
Duke Show. He is known for brilliant stage
performances as well as for his roles in Pre-
sumed Innocent, Execution of Justice, The
Rock, Cop Land, Green Card and L.A. Law.

Brad Whitford is the deputy chief of staff
Josh Lyman. Whitford, who was a student
studying English lit at Wesleyan Universi-
ty before he attended Juilliard, started on
Broadway in Sorkin's A Few Good Men. He
also appeared in Bicentennial Man, Scent of
a Woman, Philadelphia and The Client.

Whitford’s on-the-show assistant, Donna
Moss, is played by Janel Moloney, who stud-
ied acting with Roy London and had parts
in Dream Lover, Alice, Till There Was You,
Desperate Measures and in another Aaron
Sorkin-Tommy Schlamme collaboration,
Sports Night, a television series that lasted
two seasons.

Allison Janney, who was encouraged in
her career by Paul Newman and Joanne
Woodward when they met her at Kenyon
College, plays the West Wing's press secre-
tary C.J. Cregg. Janney was the catatonic
mother in American Beauty and had parts in

Big Night, The Ice Storm, Howard Stern's
Private Parts, Primary Colors, Celebrity and
Nurse Betty. She won the Screen Actors
Guild best actress award for West Wing ear-
lier this увак At more than six feet tall, Jan-
ney was called by The New York Times a
“magnificent hero to tall girls everywhere.”

Richard Schiff plays Toby Ziegler, the
White House communications director.
Schiff, who won a best supporting actor Em-
my, has worked as a theater director in New
York and in Deep Impact, Seven, Malcolm X
and Jurassic Park: Lost World.

Dule НШ was born in Orange, New Jersey
to parents from Jamaica. On the show, he
plays the president's personal aide, Charlie
Young. Hill went from being “the worst stu-
dent in class” to a renowned tap dancer who
for years starred in Bring in da Noise, Bring
in da Funk.

Then there’s Lowe, probably the most
familiar name in the cast. He plays depu-
ty communications director Sam Seaborn.
Lowe, who, like Sheen and Janney, is from
Dayton, Ohio, has worked in politics since he
was small enough to walk under police bar-
ricades. He has canvassed for George Me-
Govern and Michael Dukakis. At the age of
eight, Lowe began working in children's TV
and appeared in The Outsiders, Hotel New
Hampshire, About Last Night, Wayne's
World, Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged
Me and St. Elmo's Fire.

PLAYBOY has previously interviewed the
cast and creators of four groundbreaking
television shows. When we decided to add
The West Wing to 60 Minutes, Saturday
Night Live, Thirtysomething and Hill Street

MOLONEY: “I come from a pretty liberal
household. My mother was a Playboy Bunny
in Los Angeles. My grandma was a stripper.
My parents love the politics on our show.”

CADDELL: “How many Americans feel as
if politics now is about what is good? 1 left
politics because it wasn't. I felt really dirty,
like I had been in a slime bath."

It's easy to view President Bart-
let as better than the real thing. So are mov-
ie doctors. Anyone who can't tell the differ-
ence—well, they watch too much ТҮ”

PHOTOGRAPHY BY KEN CEDENO AND MIZUNO
SCHLAMME: “1 slept in the Lincoln bed-
room and, no, it didn't cost me a penny. Гт
the son of immigrants. It was the most excit-
ing thing to sleep at the White House.”

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PLAYBOY

Blues, we tapped Contributing Editor David
Sheff, whose last Playboy Interview was with
New Mexico governor Gary Johnson.

Sheff reports: “Because of its decidedly
liberal polities—Sorkin's President Bartlet
takes on the Christian right and the war on
drugs—The West Wing could never be con-
fused with the Bush administration. When
the actors are in character, the conversation
is smart and complex and they often sound
like policy wonks.

“Off camera, things quickly degenerate,
however. When I was interviewing Brad
Whitford in his trailer, Allison Janney poked
her head in and asked if she had mistakenly
left her diaphragm inside. Without missing a
beat, Whitford deadpanned, ‘Maybe. And I
think your lingerie is hanging in the bathroom."

“Bul there are more than practical jokes
going on. When I entered Martin Sheen's
trailer, he apologized for the clutter and
then, without explanation, asked me, ‘In the
country formerly called Burma, which is
now Myanmar, there is a woman who won
the Nobel Peace Prize. Do you know her
name?” Sheen later explained that he would
be narrating a documentary on the weekend
and he had to correctly pronounce her name.

“The West Wing is a true ensemble and
this a true ensemble interview. I sat down
with all of the regular cast members, as well
as the show's creator Sorkin, executive
co-producer Wells, director and executive co-
producer Schlamme and one of the associate
producers on the show's staff, former Demo-
cratic pollster Pat Caddell. (There are other
consultants [rom real life, including Dee Dee
Myers, press secretary for President Clinton,
and Marlin Fitzwaler, press secretary for the
current president's father.) Since I was deal-
ing with a group of people intensely con-
cerned about politics who happen to play
people in politics, it wasn't a surprise that
the tone was set by the news. One morning,
Jor example, President Bush had moved clos-
er lo opening the Alaskan wilderness for oil
drilling and had called for a sharp increase
in defense spending. On the set, West Wing's
pretend pe ident addressed it, уре
unpresidentially. What a thug! Sheen
railed. “He is dull and dangerous.’ Lowe,
passing by on his golf cart, chuckled and
said, "Marlin, tell us how you really feel."

PLAYBOY: Aaron, could you just as easily
write a TV show about a Republican ad-
ministration—say, a president similar to
George W. Bush?

SORKIN: Could I or would I? 1 don't
know if I could, and I know that I
wouldn't. I'm not interested.

PLAYBOY: How about you, Martin, could
or would you play the role of President
Bartlet if he were a conservative Repub-
lican rather than a progressive liberal?
SHEEN: I would like to believe 1 could,
but my heart wouldn't allow it.
PLAYBOY: Would you turn down the part?
SHEEN: My bank account would want me
to take it, but yes. I'd like tothink I could
have been a good enough sport to do it,

74 but I wouldn't have. On the other hand,

I don't think they would have come to me
if Bartlet were a Republican. They prob-
ably would have called Charlton Heston.
SPENCER: We're actors. We can play what-
ever is on the page. Martin wouldn't have
taken the job, but he could have. 1 could
play a Republican. Richard Schiff has
said he could. I haven't asked the others.
LOWE: | wouldn't have done it. When I
read the script, the characters inspired
me. I doubt [ would have been inspired
by the story of a conservative White
House. How dreary.

MOLONEY: I have to say I love the fact that
I believe in the politics on the show.
However, I would be thrilled as an ac-
tress to do it if the writing was as exciting
as it is. Our job isn't to agree or disagree
with the material but to perform it.
PLAYBOY: Would the show have taken off
ин һай been launched during the Bush
istration?

1 don't think it mattered. The
show is about hope and patriotism. It’s
an antidote to the pessimism and cyni-
cism in this country. We hear from Re-
publicans who tell us they may not agree
with the stands our White House takes,

We are in a desperate, des-
perate time. I don’t think
anyone should be placated by
our show. The Republicans
are back in business. The
ramrods are rolling.

but they champion the commitment and
passion of the characters because patri-
otism isn’t partisan.

LOWE: Like all really magical pieces of
work that explode into people's con-
sciousness, a certain part has been timing.
JANNEY: It may not be a complete c
cidence that the show took off during
an election year when everyone was ob-
sessed with politics

Lowe: I think it had more to do with the
tone of the show than any particular ad-
ministration in Washington. I don't think
it would have worked if Americans were
not so tired of the politics of destruction
and cynicism and partisan bickering. It
wouldn't have caught on if we weren't so
disillusioned. America was hungry for
another view of politics. Our show is less
about Democrat versus Republican than
it is about the promise of America.
CADDELL: That's exactly what the show is
about: the dream that is America. The
show is about a president who is devoted
not to any party line but to whatever is
good and right. How many Americans
feel as if politics now is about what is
good and right? 1 left politics because it
wasn't. By the end I felt really dirty. Re-

ally, really dirty. I1 felt like I had been in
a slime bath my entire life.
PLAYBOY: Was there a specific moment
when it hit you?
CADDELL: One day 1 saw how far away
from the dream we had come. 1 was work-
ing on the campaign for Alan Cranston,
who was running for senator in Califor-
nia. It was a close race. We knew a lot of
young people were going to end up vot-
ing against us. Cranston was a good man
but many younger voters thought, Why
do we want this old guy? In the final 10
days of the campaign, our polls con-
firmed it. We had an emergency confer-
ence call during which I told people 1
was working with, “There is only one
way to win. We have to make this cam-
paign so disgusting that young people
won't want to vote.” We succeeded. I had
done my job. Afterward, 1 was sitting in
my office and everyone had gone home.
1 realized, What the hell happened to me?
This is why 1 got into politics? To make
people not vote? At that minute, I quit.
SPENCER: I agree that the show succeeds
because it reminds people why we care
in the first place. Why we should vote.
Aaron seems to bring forth that message
in a way that isn't embarrassingly self-in-
dulgent or saccharine. I remember feel-
ing optimistic about politics. | remember
a time when everyone was inspired by
our president. Like that time, you want
to be a part of this administration. In a
New York Times poll conducted during
the presidential election, President Bart-
let would have won the election by 75
percent.
PLAYBOY: How do you respond to Demo-
crats angry about the Bush victory, who
say Bartlet is their president for the next.
four years?
LOWE: This show has always been about
wish fulfillment. It was even about wish
fulfillment during the Clinton admit
tration. The problem is that, regardless
of your political ideology, there will nev-
er be an adi tion as user-friendly
as Bartlet's,
SCHLAMME: We hear a lot from people
discouraged by President Bush. They
say that they watch our show and pre-
tend. I got this call from someone pretty
high up in the Clinton administration
“It's yours now." I thought,
No! We don't want the ball. We just want
to do our TV show.
MOLONEY: I hope people don't close their
eyes to what's going on because they
watch a TV show and pretend every-
s all right. Watching The West Wing
isn't going to keep the Alaskan Wildlife
Reserve from being drilled. It won't pro-
tect women's right to choose. I'm not like
Martin out there getting arrested, but I
it when I read the paper these
8 really discouraging. I'm flab-
bergasted. People have to stay engaged.
ng we learned about the last
idential election is that you matter.
Our vote counts.

THE CLOSEST SHAVE.
THE COOLEST LOOK.

Gillette MACH3 |] 2:
COOL BLUE *

Official razor of The World Series:

PLAYBOY

SHEEN: We are in a desperate, desperate
time. I think we're going to wake up as
a nation when the economy and the en-
vironment and the unions are in a lot
more desperate condition. I don't think
anyone should be placated by our show
or anything else. The Republicans are
back in business. The ramrods are roll-
ing. W. brought back the old man’s team.
They look at it as their chance to do it
right this time. There isn't a lot to be
proud of from the Bush administration.
What? The Gulf war? We killed more of
our people than Saddam did. Now they
are back and they are going to try it
again, to do some real damage. Where
do I start? As one conservationist said,
Bush's policy sounds like the energy
policies of Exxon and Mobil. Our envi-
ronment is once again being sacrificed
for expedience in politics. Why didn't
people see this coming? Rather than make
people complacent by pretending that a
nice guy is in the White House, I hope
we inspire people to say, “We can't wait.”
PLAYBOY: Aaron, when you cast your
president, were you worried about Mar-
tin's longtime association with left-wing
politics?

SORKIN: No. Nor was 1 worried about
Rob Lowe and the public difficulties
he'd had. We hired Martin the actor. We
hired Rob the actor. In truth, Lam proud
to be working with somebody who so of-
ten puts his money where his mouth is.
There are times when I wish he wouldn't
say some of the things he says about
the current president, but would I ever
ask him to stop being him? Not for all
the money in the world. In fact, we do
a shooting schedule around his arrest
schedule and keep a couple of thousand
bucks in a bail fund if we need it.
PLAYBOY: Many of you worked for Gore.
How did you get involved?

SORKIN: Rob Reiner is a grcat friend of
ours. He organized a tour.

HILL: Some of us went out over two weeks
to 18 or 19 cities. It was an amazing
experience,

WHITFORD: We talked about whether or
not we should campaign. Some of us
thought it would be better for the show
if we just sort of shut up, but we felt
strongly and most of us ended up get-
ting involved.

PLAYBOY: It’s unlikely that journalists
would ask the people who make ER their
opinions on surgery, yet you're asked
about politics.

WHITFORD: It’s a weird thing as an actor
because you get this ridiculous amount
of attention and credibility that you do
not deserve. It's hilarious. People who
want to listen to what we have to say
about politics wouldn't expect Anthony
Edwards to operate on them. On the
other hand, everybody has an opinion
about politics. Everybody should edu-
cate himself and exercise his voice. It's
funny to me when you hear people com-

76 plain about Hollywood people voicing

their opinions. What? Should 1 shut up?
It's different from thinking that a lawyer
on LA Law should try a case before the
Supreme Court.

PLAYBOY: What about it, John? After four
years playing a lawyer, could you try
acase?

SPENCER: There were times on LA Law
when I felt I could. But in reality, I would
need David Kelley to write my lines.
Similarly, I could sit in the White House
for a day and help the president—if Aar-
on Sorkin wrote a script for me.
MOLONEY: It got strange around here
during the election. It was a little over
the top. I mean, We're a TV show.
ple seem to become excited about join-
ing the worlds of politics and ent
ment, maybe because there sometimes
seems to be such a fine line. Some of it
was fun, but making a TV show takes a
lot of time. We don't have time to hang
out for hours and talk.

PLAYBOY: Were you surprised by Gore's
defeat?

SHEEN: I was. 1 know that some people
had a moral issue with Mr. Clinton, but
why the hell should Mr. Gore have suf-
fered for it? Gore was probably the most
qualified individual in the last 25 years
to run for the Oval Office.

PLAYBOY: Some people blamed you for
Gore's loss, Martin.

SHEEN: Me? Why me?

PLAYBOY: No real politician could live up
to your President Bartlet. By comparison,
Gore seemed wooden and wishy-washy.
SHEEN: But President Bartlet is a ТУ
character. Gore is neither wooden nor
wishy-washy. He is very shy, but he is dy-
namic and understands the issues on a
deep level.

SCHIFF: I don't think we had a real effect.
When it comes down to nickels and
dimes, people are going to react from
their guts. They are not going to be af-
fected by a TV show.

PLAYBOY: Aaron, as the creator of these
characters, how do you respond to the
people who said Gore couldn't compare
to your president?

SORKIN: It’s easy to view President Bart-
let or President Shepherd [from The
American President, played by Michael
Douglas] as better than the real thing. So
are movie doctors and movie lawyers
and movie cowboys and movie women
and movie men. Anyone who couldn't
tell the difference—well, they watch too
much TV.

WHITFORD: The problem with the elec-
tion is the problem with the system. By
the time you have kissed asses in junior
high schools and raised enough money
at society cocktail parties, you look like
an idiot. Then we go, “What an idiot!”
We make these guys climb a filthy pole
and then go, “You're dirty.” They have
to go through a ridiculous dog show. Al
Gore had no instinct for the game, w!
I like about him.

PLAYBOY: While Clinton was president,

ich

the show seemed like a reflection of the
White House. Now it seems like a sharp
contrast. How has the election affected
the show?

nal image of one episode
pull back and a man comes in and turns
off the lights in the Oval Office. All we
were saying is that days do end. Howev-
er, it happened to air on the night after
the election. It already appeared that
Gore had lost. The turning off of the
lights at the end of the show felt like it
was about the end of the Clinton era.
PLAYBOY: Is there anyone among you
who is glad that Bush won?

JANNEY: Most of us seem to be from
somewhere in the middle of the political
spectrum to somewhere to the far left
with Martin. There's no one on the right.
That wouldn't be tolerated [laughs]. I
was never political before this show. Y
don't think I could even have told you
who Dee Dee Myers was before I began.
I've gotten better since then. I know who
[White House press secretary] Ari Fleis-
cher is, which is a huge step. l'm sup-
posed to be related to George Bush, by
the way. You have to talk to my mom.
She's the one who knows how. She says
I'm related to him two different ways
And they süll let me be on the show.
HILL; There were always vigorous politi.
cal discussions at my house, but my par-
ents were not necessarily liberal. I was
out there campaigning for Gore, but my
father was on the other side.

MOLONEY: | come from a pretty liberal
household. I mean, my mother was a
Bunny in the Playboy Club in Los An-
geles. My grandma was a stripper. My
grandfather had a bar and ran shows.
My parents love the politics on our show.
SPENCER: I've always been interested in
politics, too. 1 scream at the right-wing-
ers on the talking-head shows. At the
same time, I make clear in all of my asso-
ciations that I'm an actor who plays a
politician. 1 let the problems of the free
world go when I leave the studio.
PLAYBOY: Aaron, were you always as polit-
ically involved as some of your cast?
SORKIN: In sixth grade, I had a crush on
a girl in my class named Jenny Lavin.
She was volunteering after school at the
local McGovern for President headquar-
ters. I thought it'd be a pretty good idea
if 1 volunteered, too. One weekend they
put us all on a couple of buses and took
us to White Plains, where the Nixon
campaign motorcade was passing. They
wanted some McGovern people there
among all the Nixon people. They gave
us signs. 1 held up a big sign that said
nothing more incendiary than MCGOVERN
FOR PRESIDENT. А 143-year-old woman
who was shorter than I was at 11 came
up from behind me, grabbed the sign
out of my hand and whacked me over
the head vith it. My interest in politics
since that minute has been shoving that

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PLAYBOY

LOWE: 1 was interested in politics since I
was a child. I sold Kool-Aid for George
McGovern when he ran for president. 1
would have been eight. 1 can remember
being so little that 1 could walk under a
police barricade without stooping. Later
1 worked for Michael Dukakis. 1 have
all my original buttons. My parents ex-
posed me to a lot when I was young. I
admired Thomas Jefferson. I read ev-
erything there was to read about Lincoln
and Kennedy. The posters in my room
when I was 12 were Redford and Hoff-
man from All the President's Men. In the
other corner was Farrah.

PLAYBOY: You were on the last cover of
George magazine before John Kennedy
Jr's death. How did that come about?
LOWE: Apparenily he saw the pilot of The
West Wing and made everybody at George
watch it. He felt it embodied everything
he wanted George to be about. They asked
me to be on the cover and we shot that
cover on the day they recovered his body.
PLAYBOY: You weren't born when John
Kennedy was assassinated, were you?
LOWE: No, but I remember staying up
and watching the train carrying Bobby's
body. It is one of my earliest memories.
1 remember the feeling that my fami
ly had for John and Bobby. I think the
Kennedy administration was as much if
not more about wish fulfillment than The
West Wing is.

PLAYBOY: Martin, you played Bobby Ken-
nedy in Missiles of October.

SHEEN: It was difficult since 1 admired
him so much. 1 worked for him when he
ran for the Senate. I sat with him for
three hours once. My God, he was hero-
ic. His death was a tremendous blow—
he was such a ray of hope. It was devas-
tating, particularly after the deaths of
JFK and Martin Luther King. When I
was asked to play the part, I didn't think
anyone could or should play him. My
wife encouraged me to do it. She said,
“Maybe it’s better that you play him be-
cause you loved him.” She said it was
probably better than someone else play-
ing him—someone who didn't love him:
Playing someone as majestic as Bobby
Kennedy is hard. It makes you very
humble very quickly.

PLAYBOY: In your show, young idealistic
campaign workers are looking for “the re-
al thing,” a politician who is sincere, hon-
est and passionate. Was Bobby Kennedy
the closest you've seen to the real thing?
CADDELL: There hasn't been anyone since
then. 1 had role models when 1 was a
kid. 1 had Robert Kennedy, 1 had John
Kennedy. 1 can remember how inspiring
he was. Martin Luther King. What have
we given our children? Bill Clinton and
Newt Gingrich? Compare the Senate of
the U.S. now with what I had when I en-
tered national politics. People sit in the

78 «ате seats, Republicans and Democrats

alike. At the time there were Dirksen,
Hart, Muskie, Humphrey and McGov-
ern. These were statesmen. Now the
seats are filled with a bunch of pygmies.
SHEEN: | agree that Bobby was the real
thing. He was killed and we ended up
with Nixon and never recovered. The
closest we have gotten since then was Bill
Clinton. Our show is a reflection of the
fantasy that you can havea human being
who remains human. Is it a possibility or
fantasy? If it’s not a possibility, we have
fallen into some measure of unconscious
despair. Back when the country was go-
ing through the McCarthy hearings, Ar-
thur Miller, one of my heroes, was hung
out to dry, betrayed by dear and close
friends. How could people have acted so
cowardly? There was no heroic leader-
ship. Where are those leaders? Few peo-
ple are willing to get into the fray be-
cause it's so ugly in there. It’s going to
take a long time to realize what a mag-
nificent leader Clinton was precisely be-
cause he was so human. His humanity
was behind his great flaws, but it was al-
so part of his great heroism.

PLAYBOY: Many of you visited the Clinton
White House. What was your impression?
MOLONEY: What struck me most about
the Clinton White House was this sense
of privilege they felt right up to the last
minute—through all the scandals and
everything. It was never lost on them
that they had an amazing, historic op-
portunity. The staff loved Clinton.
PLAYBOY: Is it true that the show was
postponed because of the Monica Lew-
insky scandal?

WELLS: It's easy to ridicule people in hind-
sight, but at the time it really seemed
off to consider a political show. We were
not willing to abandon the show, but
we agreed to put it on the back burner.
"They promised that they would make it
the following year. When we called up
the following year to say we were going
to get started, they said, "You're kid-
ding.” When they put it off, they really
were telling us that they didn't want to
make it. They were trying to be nice. But
since they agreed, we were able to go
forward. Scott Sassa came in aL NBC and
he heard from everybody about their
concerns and said, " We made a promise.
Let's take a flier."

SORKIN: They weren't just worried about
Lewinsky. Before Sassa, NBC was head-
ed by Warren Littlefield and Don Ohl-
meyer, who felt that a political show
couldn't work on TV. Everyone said it
wouldn't work. However, that’s what ev-
eryone says before someone comes along
and does it. There was a time when Hol-
lywood said you couldn't make movies
about baseball. Fhey don't work, we've
tried. In one year, Bull Durham, Field of
Dreams and Major League came out. In
1970 a CBS executive famously said
there are four things you can never have
on television: a divorced person, a Jew-
ish person, a person from New York or a

person with a mustache. You can't swing
a dead cat anymore without hitting a sit-
com about a divorced Jewish person from
New York. Rules like those are made up
by people vho don't know anything.
WHITFORD: Hollywood tends to do a bad
movie about bananas and then they say,
"You can't do a movie about banana
There were а lot of recent failed mo:
if not TV shows, about politics. After all
that, it's a testament to Aaron—he just
had the audacity to pull this thing off-
WELLS: Films about politics have not been
particularly successful. American President
isa wonderful movie but didn't live up to
expectations. Same with 13 Days. 1 don't
want to paint the executives as Phi
tines. If you look at the landscape, it
wasn't clear this kind of show would work.
PLAYBOY: Were there concerns about the
show's strong point of view?
WELLS: Sure. They were concerned that it
might have a limited audience. So why
would we want to reduce the audience
even more? They were particularly con-
cerned about the final scene in the pilot
in which the president comes in and at-
tacks the religious right. But we're more
concerned about not taking a point of
view. Aaron wants to push things. Far
from the fear of ruffling feathers, we are
afraid of complacency. These shows are
hard to do. It takes a lot of hours. They
get harder to do and not easier because
you've done the easier stuff. The stories
become more difficult
PLAYBOY: Was there any concern that a
show about politics would be unpopular
be of Americans’ low opinion of
politician:
SORKIN: Doctors and lawyers aren't very
popular in America, yet shows about doc-
tors and lawyers have always been suc-
cessful. 1 never bought that. By the way,
the other thing we were told is the most
heinous and most egregious assumption
possible, that other people are stupider
than we are. At the end of the day, all of
us who make this show, if we are going to
be known for anything, would like to be
known for this: We believe that people
who watch television are at least as smart
as the people who make the shows.
SHEEN: It's true that when we showed the
ilot, many people said it was too good
for network TV. Apparently they fec
the kiss of death to be this good. They have
little faith in the American TV audience.
The viewing public taught us a lesson.
JANNEY: The attitude is that we have to
talk down to the audience.
CADDELL: We have limits of what we can
do and get away with. So far, the net-
work and studio haven't paid attention
to what we were doing. Now I think they
pay close attention to the issues we touch
on. I say this as a lowly co-producer of
the show, but it seems unlikely to me that
Warner Bros., which is now a part of
AOL, which has enormous corporate in-
teresis, is going to let us run amok.
WHITFORD: For us, we're amazed at the

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writing. I wasn't aching to do anything besides the stage. The
last place I expected to run into great material was television.
However, things have sort of flipped in the entertainment
business. When movies have to play in Manila to make mon-
еу, they tend to be star-driven and safe. The studios aren't
making Dog Day Afternoon. They would never make The God-
father today. They're not making interesting acting movies:
they're making star vehicles. Now the good writing is for tele-
vision. It's an incredibly lucky time for actors who get to be on
one-hour dramas.

SCHIFF: We can't forget that so much TV is schlock. We have to
constantly fight to hang on to the edges, away from that horrid
vortex of mediocrity. It's a fight to do good work in any con-
text in TV, movies or theater. When you have Martin Sheen
and John Spencer and Allison Janney—this crew—along with
Aaron's writing and Tommy's directing, you have a chance
You are always fighting against the pressures to dumb down
and make it cheaper. It would be lovely if we were on HBO
and we could be given a little bit more freedom. But we're on
network TV and it makes the battle that much harder. How
Aaron can spit it out every week is beyond our comprehen-
sion. What it takes to write a new show every eight days as-
tounds me. He keeps topping himself and the next show is
more brilliant than the last. We're very lucky to have that as a
foundation.

PLAYBOY: How would the show be different if it appeared on
HBO rather than on a network?

SCHIFF: We'd speak like human beings. It's not just four-letter
words, but it’s a manner of expression. There is an emotional
freedom The Sopranos and Sex and the City have. It's not about
showing breasts and being crude. It’s about a greater freedom
of expression, It's the main difference

PLAYBOY: What does it say that the biggest television stories of
the year range from The West Wing to The Sopranas to Survivor
and other reality shows?

WELLS: It says that there is a broad audience watching televi-
sion. When there were only three networks and Fox muscled
in, every show had to reach the broadest possible audience.
"That takes any edges off. The audience of any one channel
has dropped, but the total audience hasn't dropped. It's
spread out so that lots of different kinds of shows succeed on
lots of different kinds of networks—including cable networks
and pay television stations and traditional networks. It's a
much larger palette. We're not getting the same kind of pres-
sures to homogenize what we're doing. The networks are
aware that they have to brand themselves with distinctive shows.
SORKIN: In 1984 Ronald Reagan won reelection by one of the
largest electoral landslides in history. 1 was a year out of col-
lege. At that point in my life, I had not met a single person
who voted for him. That's the first timc 1 realized this is a big,
big country and I hardly know anybody. Everybody has a tele-
vision set and there’s a huge audience out there. Someone
asked Charlie Sheen about the competition between him and
his father. There's no competition. You know before you go
into a video store whether you will rent Apocalypse Now or Ma-
jor League. You know if you are interested in Spin City or The
West Wing.

SCHIFF: | never wanted to do TV before this show. I read the
script and really liked it but got kind of depressed about it
T was scared of getting caught in one role. 1 didn't mind do-
ing the pilot, but I was worried about it succeeding. 1 was
absolutely unconcerned about it failing. The surprise is that
it has turned out to be consistently challenging and reward-
ing because the writing is exceptional and because Tommy
Schlamme protects the quality. TV gets bashed a lot, but the
fact of the matter is that some of my favorite roles have been
on TV. On NYPD Blue, on which 1 played a Romanian terror-
ist, and Chicago Hope and Ally McBeal. Some of the greatest
writers are working on television, including Aaron, David
Kelley and David Milch. The writers go where they will have
an audience. If Shakespeare were alive today, he would prob-
ably be writing ad copy. No, in fact, he would probably be

doing television because he could write as much as he loved to
write and get it produced—like the way Aaron works.
SPENCER: Forget television, movies or plays. It doesn't matter.
The dialogue on this show is some of the best I've ever had in
my life.

PLAYBOY: Aaron, how much of President Bartlet was influ-
enced by your meetings with President Clinton?

SORKIN: The meetings had more to do with inspiring The West
Wing itself. I was struck by the people around the president.
In addition, I was interested in the idea of the president as
much as anything. When I began writing, I realized there
isn't a minute of the president's day that I didn't want to ex-
amine. If he is out of toothpaste, what does he do? 1 became
fascinated. It was based on something James Carville said
about election night in 1992, when Clinton won the first time.
On the steps in front of the statehouse in Little Rock, he ad-
dressed tens of thousands of Clinton supporters. Everyone
around him was saying, “My God, he is so presidential! Look
at the transformation in just the last three hours!” Carville
said, “He hasn't changed, everyone else has." That notion
struck me. Writing about the president presented a tricky
problem. In storytelling you usually put an ordinary person
їп an extraordinary circumstance. But how do you put the
president in an extraordinary circumstance? Every day of his
life is an extraordinary circumstance. Mars has to attack for
the president to have an extraordinary day. I thought, ГИ bet
the reverse works just as well. Take an extraordinary person
and put him in an ordinary circumstance.

PLAYBOY: What was your impression of Clinton?

SORKIN: He's very charismatic, but some of it is the fact that he
was president. For my first meeting, I think I would have felt
as excited about Bush or Reagan, because when you meet the
president for the first time, the floor really does come out
from underneath you.

MOLONEY: He's incredibly charismatic. There's an energy in
the room that you've just never felt. Forget any movie star
you've ever met in your life. He was the president and so con-
troversial in many ways, which made his presence even larger.
SORKIN: The White House on The West Wing does reflect the
Clinton White House in energy and spirit and passion, but too
many people have leaped to an utterly erroneous assumption
that there are characters on The West Wing based on characters
from the Clinton White House. There is no George Stephar
opoulos. There's no Paul Begala. People may occupy the same
jobs and may have shaken hands a couple of times, but I don't
know those people and couldn't write them if I wanted to.
SCHLAMME: It reflects the Clinton White House in style. It had
that excitement. That romance.

WHITFORD: The success of the show didn't have anything to do
with Clinton. But he happened to be the most exciting televi-
sion character you could have for eight years. He's a fascinat-
ing character.

PLAYBOY: Most of you wound up visiting the White House. Was
it a bonus that wouldn't come on a show such as ER?
SPENCER: | remember one afternoon at the White House bend-
ing over to Martin and saying, “You know, if we were playing
cops, this wouldn't be happening."

PLAYBOY: When you visited the White House, did vou learn
about the real politicos’ take on the realism in the show?
SHEEN: Joe Lockhart told us there aren't as many people in the
hallways in the real West Wing. And they could never afford
our wardrobes,

SCHLAMME: I spent two nights in the White House and slept in
the Lincoln Bedroom and no, it didn't cost me a penny. We
were friends with friends of Bill. I'm the son of immigrants. It
was the most exciting thing in my life to sleep at the White
House. The last morning, the president invited us to the Oval
Office. It inspired the way I shoot the show. 1 kept watching
everyone moving. The energy. What are they doing? Who's
who? What are they carrying? Everybody's working and it
stops when the president comes in. The moment he left, it
gain. When 1 left the Oval Office, 1 felt exhilarated.

started а

PLAYBOY

нш: I met Clinton's assistant about my
second month of working on the show.
Dee Dee Myers arranged for us to meet.
I was able to pick his brain on what the
real job entailed. 1 brought some of it to
my character. The main thing I got out
of it was the importance of the job. I play
the assistant to the most powerful man in
the world. I'm not the assistant to the
branch manager.

JANNEY: It was powerful to walk into the
Oval Office, but in a funny way, the first
time I walked into the Oval Office on the
set I got more chills. By the time I got to
the real White House, I thought, Oh,
ours is better.

SCHIFF: I'm still the only cast member to
not meet President Clinton. I kept miss
ing him. Later I was invited to Mrs. Clin-
ton's birthday party when I was in New
York. I didn't want to intrude, so I de-
clined. The next day, on the front page
of the Post you see the 7000 celebrities
that were at her party. You know, what am
1 thinking? She's in a campaign. She's in
the middle of a campaign and I'm wor-
ried about intruding on her birthday.
Lowe: To be able to take my family and
have them sit on the presidential seal
while the president gives his radio ad-
dress was extraordinary. My younger
son carries a stuffed frog instead of a
blanket. He gave his frog to the presi-
dent, who marched up the stairs to Ma-
rine One carrying it. At one point my kids
were carrying the football—the briefcase
with the nuclear coordinates with all of
our launch codes. They carried it across
the South Lawn. If you ever have any
doubts that maybe there was a litte too
much access by the people on The West
Wing, Exhibit A is that my seven-year-
old and four-year-old had the nuclear
launch codes of the United States.
PLAYBOY: Haye you ever received hate mail
because of some of your stands on issues?
SCHLAMME: The only hate mail we got
was about the interracial relationship be-
tween the president's daughter and Char-
lie, Hill's character. The letters were ac-
tually well written. They weren't from
some guy out of Deliverance. They were
typed and articulate. It floored us.
PLAYBOY: Aaron, do you get ideas for
your scripts from the front page of the
newspaper?

SORKIN: Not necessarily. I will often go
on long drives before I write. The music
in my car is the same music | listened to
10 years ago. It’s not uncommon for
me to hear a song in my car and it will
make me feel а certain way. That's what
happened with the final episode of the
second season. I listened to Dire Straits’
Brothers in Arms and wanted to write
something that felt that way. From there,
what do I do: It's like a jigsaw puzzle
You first find the corners, then the edg-
es, then pieces that look like a horse and
then you put the horse together.
PLAYBOY: What's the difference writing
for television?

SORKIN: The most difficult thing is the
pace. which is ferocious. I have to write
a script once every eight working days.
When you finish it, you feel good for
about two or three minutes until you re-
alize all finishing a script means is that
you haven't started the next one.
MOLONEY: Aaron will be racked with wor-
omfort about not knowing
show is going or what he
is going to do. The next day you'll get
some beautiful piece of art delivered on
your doorstep, and it takes your breath
away.

SPENCER: At that stage it doesn't matter
that we have fans in the White House or
anything else. Actors live for great writing.
PLAYBOY: How would The West Wing White
House be different if your fictional pres-
ident was a reflection of President Bush?
SHEEN: It would be a lot less fun. The
hairdos on the women would be much
more expensive.

SORKIN: Martin is right, and not just
about the hair.

PLAYBOY: Why are Republicans less fun?
SORKIN: All I can tell you is that they are.
In the last year of the Clinton adminis-
tration, we were asked to participate in
the White House Correspondents’ Din-
ner and we did a five-minute film. This
year we were asked by the Bush admin-
istration to consider doing it again. I
thought we might poke fun at ourselves
because our horse lost, that we're now in
a position where we kind of have to kiss
the ass of the horse that won. I met with.
people in the Bush administration. I have
never met a less funny group of people
in my life. By God, they're not funny.
WHITFORD: And they're not sexy. For bet-
ter or worse, the Clinton administration
was. It was an exciting group of young
people. Our characters reflect the pas-
sion and commitment of those people
even though Aaron has consistently not-
ed that we are nor the Clinton White
House. It's not just sexiness, either. Our
show is about heroism. There is some-
thing inherently more heroic about a
progressive Democrat than a conserva-
tive Republican.

PLAYBOY: Most Republicans would dis-
agree with you. Probably all of them.
WHITFORD: It's not a partisan statement.
Look back in history. Most people now
think that Social Security is a good idea.
“Don't let the old people starve in the
streets!” Its an example of the type оГ
programs that have come from progres-
sive Democrats. In my lifetime, the con-
servative Republicans didn't champion
civil rights. Though the Democrats got
us into Vietnam, conservative Republi-
cans didn't fight against the war. Demo-
crats represent the best of American ide-
alism. If we were a bunch of Republicans,
the show would end with swelling mu-
sic and we'd be jumping up and down
and saying, “Hurrah! We have managed
to unprotect the land!” “The tax break
came through for the dot-com guys!"

HILL: You can't spend time around here
and think this is just a job for us. We care
about this stuff enormously. However,
for some of us, getting a job was what it
was all about. Ics not easy landing work
as an actor.
PLAYBOY: Have you ever been channel
surfing, John, and stumbled on an old
Patty Duke episode?
SPENCER: Yes, and it brings such a smile
to my face. It was before | knew any-
thing about the craft of acting. I was 16.
I looked sort of like a toothpick with a
head. I had this crew cut and big old ears
sticking out. I was a child and I had a lot
ot freedom. The exuberance was real
even if there wasn't a lot of technique.
PLAYBOY: Dule, you were a tap dancer.
How did you end up acting?
HILL: My mother was a ballerina and 1
started dance school when I was three.
My brother and my cousins were all go-
ing to dance school. I grew up in a mid
dle-class suburb in New Jersey. When we
moved there I was in kindergarten, and
we were the first two black students
in the whole school system. Some idiot
drove his car over our grass. put tire
tracks on the front lawn. We had things
like that happen when we first moved
there. Every time black history month
came around and they talked about
Martin Luther King, everyone in the
class turned to look at me. In middle
school, during lunchtime people called
mc a nigger. I don't like people touching
my hair—1 don't know any black person
who does—but people did it all the time.
I've had teachers tell my parents that |
was the worst student in class, when 1
saw other people in the class being much,
much worse. But at the same time, my
parents always let me know I had a gift
from God. They made me feel as if I had
something to offer. When I was 20, I got
into Bring in da Noise, Bring in da Funk.
During those two and a half years when
I did the show, 1 finally knew what 1 want
ed to do. Perform. Move. Dance. Act.
WHITFORD: I'm from Wisconsin, and it
never occurs to you that it’s even a possi-
bility to make a living as a professional
actor. You don't know anybody who has
You don't know anybody's third
who has done it. I'm phenome-
nally indecisive about everything. I still
haven't made a choice about whether |
should have whole milk, skim milk or two
percent. But I loved acting. I thought
acting was a great combination of Eng-
lish and recess. When I got into Juilliard,
1 knew that it was what I wanted to pur-
suc. Out of my class at Juilliard, three of
us are making a living. It's very rough
out there
PLAYBOY: Allison, you were discovered by
Joanne Woodward and Paul Newman
What happened?
JANNEY: We met when I was at Kenyon
College and Joanne invited me to her
Playhouse in New York and took me
(continued on page 153)

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ne day last January, Ba-
mogi Huma, a former
linebacker for UCLA,

joinad by nearly two doz-
an current and former players (as
well as NFL cornarback Daylon
McCutcheon), held a press con-
faranca to announca that tha way
big-tima collage athlatics is orga-
nizad has to changa.

"Wa put our bodias and even
our lives on tha line," Huma said.
"Providing maximum medical pro-
taction for us is the least the
NCAA should be doing, along with
ensuring that those who do not go
on to profassional careers in foot-
ball—almost 99 parcent of us—
are prepared acadamically for oth-
ar careers."

Huma and hia companions de-
manded a series of reforms—in-
cluding better medical and life
insurance, biggar stipands for
student-athletaa, tha ramoval of
caps on what thay aarn in the off-

ing. Ha also said that administra

LE BY
ұм

tors—and evaryona, else who's, in-
volvad—should "halp studant-ath-
lates make education their tap
priority and improve graduation
rates."

Huma announced the formation
of the Collegiate Athletes Coali-
tion, a group dadicated to bring-
ing about thosa raforms. Ha had
powerful friands with him, and
not just other lineback-
ars. Ona was 5
Tim Waters, 1 e
an official 1
with tha 4
United Stea- ~
workars
union, a part-
ner of the
CAC's in try-
ing to
changa
tha

METT

„ financial and academic look of ma-
or collaga athletic programs.
“It’s scary,” said Waters, "that
all this money is thare, and the
student-athletes aren't even be-
ing considerad. Га a sign of ax-
actly what's wrong. The athletes
ara committad to this. Tha NCAA
had batter open its eyes and look
at tha situation. We are serious.
We aren't going to go away."
According to the detarmined
Waters, whosa union has worked
with studants on othar issuas,
“Tha playars are definitaly being
axploited. You'va got some undar-
privileged students trying to make
their way by using their athletic
talent. They're not getting a free
aducation lika the NCAA would
hava tha ganaral public baliave.
Thay work hard and ganarate a lot
of monay."
Ona indication of the money in
collage athlatics is that CBS
agraad to pay S6 billion for the
rights to talacast the NCAA
man's (continued on page 88]

eform-m

inda Bensel-Meyers, with

«a B.A. from the University

of Chicago and a Ph.D.
from the University of Ore-
gon, has been at the Uni-
versity of Tennessee for
15 years. She supervises
the university's tutors and
teaches classes as an asso-
ciate professor of English.
Since she began denounc-
ing academic corruption in
1995 and exposed UT tutors
who did course work for
athletes, her life has been
turned upside down. She is
embroiled in a divorce and
custody. battle for her three
sons, ages 14, 15 and 17, be-
cause her husband claims her
efforts to reform college athlet-

ies have put the family in dan-

ger. But she stilt pleysthe orgar
ather church in Maryville gnd
is more determined than ever to
bring about reform. She is one of
the most passionate Members
of the Drake Стори nation.

al coalition of faculty members
who are determined to change
the system. Bensel-Meyers spoke

With РЕАҮВОҮ in her cramped of-
fice overlooking Neyland Stadi-
um (population on autumn Satur-
deys: 107,000).—

Q: What's wrong with college
sporis? _

A: There's a default on the tor
tract of the athletic scholarship
that promises ап education in ex-

ded professor attacks the plantation system
hat robs college athletes of an education

change for athletic participation.
Many big-time college athletes
get no education, in large part be-
cause staying eligible aca-
demically is made so easy for
them. The athletes are just be-
ing used.
Q: The common wisdom is
that college jocks have plen-
ty of privileges. Not true?
A: This system is not in their
favor, though they may feel
like it is when they're here for
four years. Uu
Q: Why are you concerned
about this?
A: Waiving athletes irom col-
lege requirements is a vio-
lation of our responsibility to
give them an education in ex-
change for the huge revenues we
gain from their participation in
‘sports: We have-systematized ath-
letes' eligibility without,their par-
titipation or effort: That not only
robs' them of access to'a college
education but also teaches
(concluded ón page 152)

о one enjoys college like
an athlete. That became
сеш to me arhen.I was:

tate high school volleybnll
player in New York and spent a week-
end ns a guest of the University of
anessee іп Knoxville. I fell in love with
place—and became a Lady Vol. Iwasa
nonscholarship female athlete who Sat on
the bench for a team that wasn't going to the
NCAA tournament. But even I had privi-
leges other students did not have. All ath-
letes had access to the best computers on
campus, personal academic advisors, state-
of-the-art weight and training rooms and
exclusive cafeterias. I lived with athletes,
ate and studied with athletes and dated
them. In fact, it was rare for an athlete to
have a nonathlete friend. It certainly wasn't
practical.

After a year I left the team, became a
sportswriter for the school paper and started
а column called UT Athlete of the Week,
which focused on people who did not have
the best stats and who were not as well
known as Peyton Manning or Chamique
Holdsclaw. And I lost my perks.

But E remained a fan and always looked
forward to heading to Neyland Stadium for
home games in the fall, to drink firewater
and eat harhecue at a friend's tailgate party.
Then I'd cheer from the student seats,
which were fine even if they weren'ton the
50-yard line where athletes sat.

1 was at UT in September 1999 when
ESPN.com broke a story about the UT ath-
letic department. According to the report,
some university tutors wrote papers for stu-
dent-athletes. Well, no shit. Regular stn-
dents complained that no one was writing
papers for them (at least no one subsidized
by the university), but the basic sentiment
on campus was “this sort of thing happens
in many big-time athletic programs, so why
are you picking on us?"

While researching this article, I talked to
at least 100 current and former college ath-
letes, from Division I to Division Ш, from
football to lacrosse, in the Pac 10, Big Sky,

ACC, Nescac and Ivy League—and

1: са nA TER шх н А
% пе Sweei LIE "е description. provided by an “as-

.of Jocks

В LADY VOL TURNED JOUR-
NALIST GETS THE WORD
FROM THE LOCKER ROOM.
EAT YOUR HEART.OUT

Im convinced that reforms are needed in
college athletics. The interviews I conduct-
ed reminded me of the many privileges col-
lege athletes, especially football and basket-
ball players, enjoy. But if they leave college
unprepared for later life, they aren't really
as privileged as might seem.

I heard stories about teachers leaving
notes inside exams, offering an A in ex-
change for extra seats to big games. One
athlete told me that a fellow classmate had
asked for a two-day extension on a paper
because of an illness in her family but
was turned down hrusquely by the teach-
er. The teacher then gave the athlete a
three-week extension, no questions asked.
Restaurant owners, to say nothing of car
dealers, regularly give athletes special

„(and high school prospects) as part of the re-

deals—in tncit return for
their unofficial “endorsements.”
“Get ‘em drunk and get ‘em laid" is

sistant dean"—of the mission of play-

ers who host high school stars on cam-
pus visits. One basketball player told me
that agents regularly delivered warnen to
the residence of a teammate who was NBA-
hound. When another basketball star had a
flagrant affair with the wife of an assistant
coach, nothing happened. “The guy was a
starter and it was just an assistant coach,”
another player on the team told me. A train-
er said he had seen “boosters” encourage
their daughters to “socialize” with players

cruiting process. People do special things
for college athletes they don't do for other
people, and sexual generosity, I learned, is
common coast to coast.

“Like a rock band, teams have groupies,”
says Michael Coffas, а recent graduate of
the University of Rhode Island, where he
played varsity football.

Colfas, who observed that “looks aren't
important to girls who love jocks,” told me a
story about a schoolmate that suggests just
how lush the sex life of college foothall play-
ers can be. "This girl was nice and had a
pleasant way about her,” he said. She slart-
ed with a defensive back, then took on his
roommate. Word got around— "the locker
room in football is like a Jerry Springer fo-
rum," says Coffas. "People are just dying to
tell stories.” Soon two more members of the
team, a linebacker and a defensive end,
scored.

Within a few days, this “very faithful fan г
had slept with nine of the 11 guys on the y
starting defensive team," says Coffas. "She :
wasn't into frat guys or smart guys, just
jocks. In the end no one got hurt and all ac-
tivity was consensual. Frat boys try to pull
off this sort of stuff, but they never can.

They are usually trying to videotape it or
they are doing something else stupid, and
they get caught.

“Jocks, we just love the stats,” Michael
Coffas said. ez

Б еге стт, уз! ©

MA NS
; ABER

ИЕ -

«елла ч MEE

he abuses in college athletics are
well documented—star running
back who drives п new car provid-
ed by a well-heeled booster-alum; mother of

imm

a 6'10" high school basketball player myste-
riously comes up with п down payment for a
house soon after her son commits to п big-
lime basketball program; dominant pass
rusher has un agent who gives him under-
Ihe чоме monéy-in-anticipation of millions
to Бе made come-drolt day There are оба:
the stories ol classes nol attended, term pa~
pers written for players by academic advi-
sors, athletes who compete in college sports
for four years but never receive a college
degree. The stories are a mainstay of sports
pages, talk shows, exposés, books, even
But for every story of abuse, there are
more stories of student-athletes who suc-
ceed both on the playing field and in the
classroom. They balance the demands of
study and attending class against playing
competitive sport. For football players in the
offseason, there is the weight room and con-
ditioning programs that begin 01 5:30 in the
morning. It takes alot of eating and grunt-
ing to transform a 6'5" 225-pound freshman
into a 300-pound Goliath by the time junior
und senior seasons come around. During
the season, add practice, preparation and
travel to the mix. And then there's the phys-
ical price paid on gume day. The aches,
pains, bruises and sprains are taken for
granted, as ure separated shoulders,

“ы displaced kneecops und broken fin-

gers, ribs, arms, ankles and legs. And then
lhere's the dreaded sideways hit on the knee
that con end a season or an athletic career
in a nanosecond. These aren't the freakish

occasional on-field accidents that leave п
body paralyzed for life. These are every-
gume occurrences.

Туе been attending Playboy All-America
Football Weekends for more than 30 years
and All-America Basketball Weekends from
“their inception 25 years ago. I've had п
chance to meet approximately 1000 of the
best athletes Division I college sports offers.
Because these students are the best, they
should be—und occasionally are—the
most spoiled. T was there when on outra-
geous Oklahoma linebacker found a way {o
get falling-down drunk before our welcom-
ing dinner. Í was there when:a basketball
player tried lo order п limo do takehim und
his friends to c Inte=night'club, (he faved).
Then there was the guard who had made
the winning free throw the season belore for
v national championship. Immediately after
finishing a five-course banquet, he asked
me where his mea! money wos. I told him it
was in his stomach.

However, I was also there when Stan-
ford's Todd Lichti received his medallion
but begged off our awards dinner because
he needed to study for finals. Texas Heis-
тап Trophy winner Ricky Williams spent
the better part of a beautiful Friday after-
noon al п luxury resort in Phoenix in his
room laboring at his loptop on a term paper
while a predictable assortment of bikini-

clad women splashed and tanned at a pool
no more thon 50 yards away (that's less
than five seconds fer Ricky). I was there
when А- student and АЈ querterbsck -

Peyton Manning confirmed that he was go-
ing lo play out his fourth year of college eli-
gibility in Knoxville even though he had al-
ready completed the requirements to gel п
degree in three.

Tve also helped process the thousands of
nominations for the Anson Mount Award;
which PLAYBOY presents each year to a bus- -
ketball and football player who excel at their
sport and in the classroom. Are these guys ~
slackers and one-dimensional stars? Nol on
your life. A typica! nomination: All-Conler-
ence offensive tackle who started 34 consec- <
utive games. majored in chemistry, mude
the dean's list six straight semesters, had
a GPA 013,8 on п scale of 4.0, received ~
courage and leadership awards, Gnd in his”
spare time volunteered lo help inner-city
lads become better readers.

Ts there corruption in college sports? No
question about it. There are too many liveli-
hoods, and too much money hanging in the
balance for there not to be abuses. Are some
uthletes corrupted by the current system?
Yes. Of course. But the percentage of bad ap-
ples is small. So while you are cheering for
your favorite college team und bemoan-
ing the crisis in college athletics, don't
forget that most college athletes, even in
the most conspicuous programs, are work-
ing hard, studying hard and play-
ing it straight.

PLAYBOY

CRISIS

(continued from page 84 )
basketball tournament through 2013.
"Amateur" seems a misnomer when
used in connection with some college
athletic programs whose budgets run
into the millions. Then there are the
million-dollar shoe deals, to say noth-
ing of vast television revenues for teams
that make it to bowl games. Agents are
severely restricted when doing busi-
ness with student-athletes, but the com-
petition to represent athletes after grad-
uation can be intense. Some agents use
“runners,” sometimes women under-
graduates, to put in good words for
agents with star athletes. According to
the athletes, the women often get their
attention by giving them expensive
presents, apparently paid for by agents
lurking off-campus. Total revenues gen-
erated by college athletics have been es-
timated in the billions.

Huma's press conference was just
one of the signs that a new controversy
has hit American campuses. Cary Nel-
son, professor of English at the Univer-
sity of Illinois, told Lingua Franca that
the formation of the CAC is “part of the
overall movement to empower contin-
gent or casual labor at the universities.”

In June, Reverend Theodore Hes-
burgh, president emeritus of Notre
Dame, added his voice to the reform
chorus. “We're not in the entertain-
ment business, nor are we a minor
league for professional sports,” he said
“Your school is not worthy to be the
champion of the country if you're not
educating your kids.”

Hesburgh spoke in his role as co-
chairman of the Knight Foundation
Commission on Intercollegiate Athlet-
ics. The commission proposed a series
of reforms, including banning schools
with low athlete graduation rates from
postseason play, removing corporate
logos from uniforms and reducing the
length of seasons. NCAA statistics show
that 48 percent of football players at
major universities graduate and only
42 percent of the basketball players. In
the 114 biggest basketball programs,
the graduation rate dips to 34 percent.

The first stirrings of this reform mo
ment can be traced to 1997 and the for-
mation of Rutgers 1000, a group of stu-
dents, faculty and alumni who want
Rutgers to de-emphasize athletics and
join a conference such as the Patriot
League. where scholarships are primar-
ily need-based. In 1999, a small group
of faculty members met at Drake Univer-
sity and decided to attack the problems
of academic corruption in college ath-
letics. This fall the Drake Group, which
grew out of the conference, plans to fo-
cus public attention on exploited ath-
letes—and complicit faculty members.

“Members of the Drake Group want
professors to demand their classes
back,” reported The Chronicle of Higher
Education last February. “Back from
coaches who won't give their players
time to study, back from tutors who
е players’ papers for them."

One of the Drake Group's most visible
members is Murray Sperber, professor
of English and American studies at In-
diana University and the author of Beer
and Circus: How Big-Time College Sports
Is Crippling Undergraduate Education

“The whole fig leaf that this is ama-
teur sports is eroding on a number of
fronts,” Sperber says. “Athletes are ba-

‘ically vocational students. In big pro-
grams, they re working 30, 40, 50 hours
a week. Some are trying to go to school
around that, some aren't. In any case,
they are not getting paid very muci

Casey Jacobsen, a standout basket-
ball player at Stanford, told USA Today,
"All these pcople arc making moncy off
the venues where we play. But people
don’t feel sorry for us. They have no
sympathy for u:

Linda Bensel-Meyers, professor of
rhetoric at the University of Tennessee,
has plenty of sympathy and has be-
come a vocal advocate of reform. Her
cooperation with ESPN.com in 1999 in
exposing academic irregularities at UT
made her so unpopular on the Knox-
ville campus that she says she is afraid
to walk across campus. She plans to
work with the Drake Group to launch a
federal class-action suit to bring about
reforms. (See Raw Deal, p. 85.)

In another sign of reform, the Na-
tional Basketball Development League,
sponsored by the NBA, begins play this
fall in eight Southeastern cities. ‘The
new league will give athletes who have
no interest in attending college what
amounts to a minor-league option.
Players must be at least 20 years old to
qualify for the league.

“There's been a movement to reform
college athletics practically from the
day it began.” says Andrew Zimbalist.
an economics professor at Smith Col-
lege and author of Unpaid Professionals:
Commercialization and Conflict in Big-
Time College Sports. According to Zim-
balist, today’s reform movement repre-
sents “a serious moment, an important
moment. How far it will go in actually
changing the landscape, I'm not sure,
because commercialization is a jug-
gernaut. The top shoe deals can bring
$3 million or $4 million to a school
The school might get a million, a mil-
lion and a half in cash, and the rest of it
comes in kind. And usually there's some
supplement for the coach's salary."

The commercialization of college
sports involves remarkable numbers.

Earlier this year the University of Mich-
igan signed a seven-year equipment
and licensing contract with Nike, esti-
mated to be worth more than $25 mil-
lion. The deal, which goes into effect
this fall, also entails a $1.2 million cash

ayment from Nike to the universit

Huma. Bensel-Meyers, the United
Steelworkers and distressed faculty
members across the country cite a se-
ries of recent scandals that suggest the
extent of problems in college athletics.

In 1999, the University of Minnesota
spent $1.5 million for an eight-month
independent investigation of its men’s
basketball program. The investigation
concluded that “between 1993 and
1998 there was systematic, widespread
academic misconduct" in the school's
basketball program.

‘The report pointed a finger at coach
Clem Haskins and noted that he was
"disadvantaged by his substantial fail-
ures of recollection.” The investigators
found that Haskins had given cash to
players and instructed athletes to mis-
lead university attorneys when ques-
tioned about their academic conduct.
The report also found that a former
secretary in the academic counseling
office had prepared more than 400
pieces of course work (including pa-
pers on such topics as the menstrual cy-
cle, eating disorders and women's gains
in the workplace) for at least 18 play-
ers. “I thought I was going to actually
learn how to write a paper,” one for-
mer Gopher told the St. Paul Pioneer
Press. "But then I sat down and she just
started typing. In the two years I was
there I never did a thing." University
president Mark Yudof described thc
Minnesota mess as “one of the most se-
rious cases of academic fraud ever re-
ported to the NCAA.”

1n March 2001 the University of Ken-
tucky announced that it had uncovered
45 violations of NCAA rules in the foot-
ball program, with many of the trans-
gressions apparently committed by
assistant coach Claude Bassett, the foot
ball team’s recruiting coordinator. Bas-
sett admitted in a television interview
that he had given $1400 in a money or-
der to a Memphis high school football
coach. He was also accused of forging
a letter from Emery Wilson, dean of
Kentucky's College of Medicin
ally assuring a potential recruit's family
that their son would get into medical
chool. The letter was written on Ken-
ску football team stationery and the
dean's name was mispelled as " Emory."
Bassett was fired and took a job as head
high school
t was reported that a
high school coach in Memphis had in-
formed college coaches that the require-
ments for recruiting his star linebacker,

(concluded on page 176)

"This is why we frown on folks using phones or vibrators while driving.”

PHOTOGRAPHY BY
MARK EDWARD
HARRIS

Leilani Rios (opposite) loved
being photogrophed in the
Hollywood hills. "The hat
totally did it. | felt rich.”
Most of the time, she's a
hardworking student (be-
low) who hopes to be rein-
stated on her college track
team while continuing her
job as a nude doncer.

she does laps—and lap dances

RAPID RIOS

N HER FAVORITE automotive fantasy, classic-car

buff Leilani Rios is cruising down the Pacific

Coast Highway toward Malibu Beach ina 1957

Corvette convertible in two-tone baby-blue

and white. “That's my fantasy car,” says the 21-
year-old kinesiology major at Cal State-Fullerton. Her real
car has some muscle, too: The 5-foot-tall, 98-pound Rios
drives a 1967 metallic-blue Mustang with a white vinyl top.
“1 love classic sports cars," she purrs, giving new meaning to
the term autoerotic

Rios is thrilled to be talking about anything other than the
story that has put her in the national spotlight and made this
shy, happily married student a persuasive argument for the
legal right to dance in a strip club and run on the college
track team. Her coach didn't quite see it that way.

It all started in 1999, after Rios was recruited from Cal
State-San Bernardino, where she had been the number one
runner her freshman year. But with no scholarship, she
needed help to pay for school. She decided to try out as a

nude dancer at the Flamingo, a club in Anaheim. "I've been
dancing since I was four, to everything from merengue to
R&B to hip-hop,” she says. “1 love music. So dancing on-
stage at a strip club was easy, totally natural to me.” Plus. she
knew she could make as much money dancing one or two
nights a week as she could at a full-time job doing something
else, leaving her plenty of time to study and run.

But one night some members of the Cal State-Fullerton
baseball team visited the Flamingo and caught Leilani’s act.
When her coach, John Elders, found out, he kicked her off
the team.

Rios was devastated. “I was always a good student,” she
says, “but when I got kicked off the team it was hard for me
to concentrate on my studies. Every day 1 was at school I'd
see my teammates practicing in the morning when I'd go
to class, and I'd see the track team in the afternoon when I
was leaving. It would kill me. For about six months I would
cry every day because I couldn't be there with my team-
mates, running with them. My (text concluded on page 174)

always a big hit in her

olgirl outfit, dancing to Britney
s. "Guys love it." She

a month or two. But once yo
used to them, they're actual
comfortoble.” The best part
dancing, she says: “When I'm on-
stage, the guys are watching and it
they're мо
empowerini

Dear Diary:

Dinner—Exquisite.
Grabbed Emily’s Tit.
Blew It.

We Dig Our Own Holes

PLAYBOY'S COLLEGE FICTION CONTEST WINNER
FICTION BY MATT MCINTOSH ° THE UNIVERSITY OF IOWA

HORTLY BEFORE I turned
18, my dad drove me
across the country to be-
gin a college career in
fisheries at a less-than-

d
half-rate school in Ne-

E braska, fisheries being a

field thar at the time I believed was the
source of all true knowledge. No mat-
ter what the source was, or is, | wasn't
having any luck getting into four-year
schools, and, not too long before grad-
uation, I received a letter in the mail
offering me the opportunity to enroll.
I didn't remember applying, actually.
But things had not been going well for
me at all, and when this school said
they wanted me to come and, yes, they
did offer classes in fisheries, 1 thought
someone in this world of sorrow had
finally been born with good sense and
that l'd better go.

I hadn't seen the old man for a long
ume before our drive because there'd
been a night when the girl he'd been
sleeping with had showed up on our
porch with a suitcase in her hand and
nowhere to go. There was a big and
very loud row, during which my moth-
er—a woman who honestly hadn't been
in her right mind for a long time—

was, in spirit at least, wounded mor-
tally. She was doped up on a mixture
of Valium and alcohol and this prob-
ably should have served to deflect the
brunt of the wound; but when she an-
swered the door and that girl started
talking. I think something inside her
broke. Whatever that string is that
holds a person together, it snapped.
She came to life for a second and
screamed her head off—she made a
high-pitched shrieking sound I could
hear from my younger brother's
room—and then she stopped; she
stopped yelling, then stopped talking
and wouldn't start again. My dad left
us that night and disappeared for a
long time. She upped her intake, spend-
ing all her time ın front of the televi-
sion or shuffling around the house,
holding on to pieces of furniture or
my brother's head to keep herself
steady. It was heartbreaking, really.
This wasnt the only reason I was
troubled that year, or the reason I
ended up where I did. but it did tend
to complicate things. There were oth-
er significant components. I had de-
veloped an obsessive preoccupation
with a girl at school two years younger
than me named Emily Swanson. Also

ILLUSTRATION BY GENE MOLLICA

gi:
e

It hos became а tradition for students in Marshall Arisman's illustration class at New York's
School of Visual Arts to compete for o chance to illustrate the first-place winner of
PLAYBOY's annual College Fiction Contest, now in its 16th year. Fishboy is this year's win-
ner, by University of lowo student Matt Mcintosh, wha won third prizes both last уеог ond
the year before. (То have a student place three times in a row is a first for the contest.) He
wos on undergraduate ot the University of Washington in 1999 and won with Yau Reach
о Place Where You Hove to Die or Get Better. Last year, his first at the lowa Writer's Work-
shop, he sent in There Is No Pain If Yau Get Signed Up Quick Enough. This year, he aban-
doned long titles. The winning illustration is by Gene Моћса (раде 94). Runner-up illus-
trations ore shown on this page. Clockwise, from top left, they are by Olivier Kugler,
George Boorujy, Wendi Koontz, Grayson Craddock, Alexis Shein and Warren Beishir.

significant, I was suffering from an ir-
rational but very real fear of paralysis. 1
was afraid I might cross the street one
day and something crippling would
happen—a car would come barreling
around the corner, say, and send me
into orbit. Maybe something would fall
on me—a block of ice from the wing
of a plane—and shatter my spine. Or
Га be forced into a situation where it
would be the heroic thing to do to
throw myself in front of a runaway
train to save a girl, always a particular
girl, from harm. Ihe train would break
from the tracks at a speed of more than
100 miles an hour, and I, close by,
would ponder: Should 1 throw myself
in harm's way for her?—when in my
imagination I would hold off the train.
stopping it for a moment in its tracks to
give me more time to decide (I could
only hold it off for so long)— Could
I save her? Should I save her? When
this situation would unfold in my
mind, the girl was, 10 times out of 10,
Emily Swanson.

My dad and I drove straight through
andarrived on a Monday. There wasn't
much to the town, just a few stores
down the main strip, a bank, a movie
theater showing two films that had
come and gone from my town months
before. No one was around. There was
a ghost town feel to the place that un-
settled me. My dad smiled and point-
ed. What he wouldn't give to live in a
rustic place like this one. This is how
life used to be, Will. You don't see this
anymore.

We found my apartment a few blocks
away. I'd taken it sight unseen—the
basement of a run-down pre-industrial
era house. We walked through piles of
leaves, down the stairs at the side of the
front porch and into what was going to
be, from here on in, my new home. I
took one look and my heart sank.

"What do you think?" my dad said.

It was essentially one large room
with a kitchen against one wall to the
right as you walked in, a row of win-
dows facing thc kitchen, and a couch
and an alcove with a bed to the left
The paint on the walls was peeling and
dingy, the tile floor had dips and little
holes in it, the low ceiling was made
worse by a network of forehead-level
pipes. and the kitchen reminded me—
down to the huge metal sinks—of the
old moldy kitchens where I would
wash dishes with the ladies at sixth
grade camp

“It’s crap," I said. "It's a piece-of-
crap shithole.” 1 ducked into the bath-
room and locked the door behind me,
staring at the red painted floor while
my dad unloaded the car

And my dad, who was a good guy, re-
ally—a good guy who had become fed

(continued on page 100)

Virtual Sex?

BY JASON BUHRMESTER

pce

LEARNING
TO DO YOUR LAUNDRY IS EASY. THE REAL
CHALLENGE, WHETHER YOU'RE A FRESHMAN OR A FRAT RAT ON
THE FIVE-YEAR PLAN, IS KEEPING UP WITH SCHOOL WHILE STILL HIT-
TING EVERY PARTY. BUT WITH THE PROPER TOOLS, EVEN STUDENTS
WITH DOUBLE MAJORS WILL FIND TIME TO DOWN A FEW AND
WAKE UP IN THE WRONG DORM. ISN'T THAT WHAT YOU
WENT TO COLLEGE FOR?

1.1t doesn't matter whether you got them hittiog the books or hitting the bnrs—blood-
shot eyes still hurt. Keep them covered with Clic Goggles. They connect in front vin n
neodymium mognet that will hold the lenses together at speeds up to 130 mph ($60).
The Edge Со/5 Wacky Wnke-Up alnrm clock delivers seven different funny phrases, in-
doding n threat to “open up some whoop-ass" on the next person who hits ће snooze
button ($20). 2. M 10 mph, the Jeepster electric scooter by Jeep gets you to the lecture
hall faster thnn walking. The battery takes less thnn two hours fo chnrge aad warks up
to 12 miles before it rens out (5300). 3. A betweea-dasses game of basketball is even
better with tones and beverages. Wilson's insulated 18" cooler bag indudes on AM-FM
radio with CD-cassette inpat jack. Plus, the insulated interior will keep your sports drinks
cold ($40). You'll never find n needle and pump in your messy room, so play with Spulding’s
Infusioo, a self-inflating basketball that ndds air through om exclusive Micro Pump ($45).

4. Spec-Ops Tac-Tie is a load-bearing aecktie designed to hold a bees, ID, sun-
glasses aad other party tools. Not recommended for court appearances ($20). 5.
Gemiai's Disc-o-Mix Pro 2.0 DJ package provides everything you need for a par-
ty, indadiag two CD players, a mixer, two monitor speakers, a microphoae, head-
phones and a carrying case ($700). 6. Driaking games are good ways to kick-start
a party. The Bulyoh beard game will have yoa flyiag before you reach the fiaish

tle of Glacena SmartwaterSpart, a nutrient-eahaaced bottled water, aad уса
should be оће to stomach a day of classes (about $1.25). 8. Leitz Yaa? Coal-Seal
Laminator will protect your favorite spriog-hreok shots from spilled drinks. Let
your conscience (and the law) be your gaide whea decidiag what else it cun be
used for ($40). 9. Between heer runs, park yourself oa a Playboy barstoal (590).
10. ба your weekend trip home, curry ос Rimowa’s extra-lightweight (5.4 Ibs.)
Cabia Trolley from the company’s Salsa collection. It's de-
signed to fit overhead compartments (about $250).

WHERE AND HOW TO BUY ON PAGE 164.

PLAYBOY

100

FISHBOY

(continued from page 96)
up with his family, with his life, and had
decided to make a break for it—spent
the next five days fixing up the place.
He cleaned and painted the walls and
doors. He bought me blankets. table-
cloths to cover what scant furniture
there was, matching towels and dish
sets, rugs to cover the floor, fans to
combat the heat, a new bed; he filled
the refrigerator with food, redid the
wiring, bought three stand-up lamps
and handed me 200 bucks to start a
bank account. He set up my fish tank,
an old 30-gallon number, on a «mall
coffee table that he bought at a depart-
ment store and used heavy-duty hooks
and wires to position a mirror above
my bed at an angle so that 1 could lie
on my back and watch the reflection of
the tank and close my eyes and fall
asleep without moving a muscle.

After five days, he packed up his
things into his duffel bag and sat down
next to me on the bed. He put his hand
on my shoulder and I knew he was
about to get at something.

"I'm sorry, Will,” he said. “I'm sorry
about what happened. It wasn't fair on
you boys. It's just—goddamn it,” he
said. “I'm really lonely, Will.” And then
he started to cry.

I sat and watched in amazement un-
til, after about a minute, he blew
nose into his handkerchief, wiped his
eyes and said, in a dejected tone, “Your
mother's not well, Will. She's noi

This struck me as a departure. “She's
all right,” I said.

“No,” he said. "She's not. I'm sorry
but she’s not. She needs help.”

"She's fine," I said. “You're the one
who's not fine, Dad."

The truth was my mother was far
from fine and hadn't been fine for a
long time. She had tried, when I was
younger, to understand the circum-
stances of what she felt had always been
wrong with her but could never quite
put her finger on. She read books. She
bought tapes. She sought professionals
and listened to them. They took her
back to the source. That is to say, she
came to understand herself pertecily,
and over the next few years she began
to sink deeper into pills and alcohol as
a means of coping with that under-
standing. By the time I left for Nebras-
ka, she'd very nearly lost her mind.
“You're the one who needs help.
Dad,” I said. And then I told him some
things I would regret. I told him I
didn't care about anything, not about
him, not about my mother, not what he
did to my apartment or where he slept
or how many girls he fucked. I said 1
didn’t care that he had disappeared for
so long. I didn't care that he hadn't

called, or visited, or checked on us. 1
said I was glad I hadn't had to see his
face. I told him that I really didn't give
а crap about any of it and I'd had a
shitty time driving to Nebraska with
him and I wished he'd disappear again
and leave me alone, let me get the hell
on with my life. I could tell it hurt him
tremendously. He told me he was very
sorry 1 felt that way and then he picked
up his bag and left.

When I heard his car drive away, 1
walked outside, up the stairs onto the
front lawn. It was evening and the sun
was gone and the stars were beginning
to show up for the night. I watched the
red taillights get smaller as he drove
back down that road, back toward
Washington and his apartment by the
airport. I watched those lights for as
long as I could, but then they went
down something and disappeared. 1
poked at the enormous cold sore that
had attached itself to my mouth as we'd
driven into town. I cleared my throat a
few times. I spit a big loogy onto the
grass and walked back downstairs.

I picked up my notepad and wrote:
The OM. started bawling. Drove away back
home. Good riddance. | lay on my bed
and stared up at my fish tank. My an-
gelfish hovered off to one side, staring
out of the glass, making gasping mo-
tions with her mouth, and my four re-
maining goldfish swam awkwardly on
the other side. Occasionally one would
hover over the ceramic casde, or float
near the bottom, a skin's width away
from the rocks. This made me feel ter-
rible for some reason. 1 went into the
bathroom and put some Neosporin on
the corner of my mouth. I put a large
Band-Aid over the whole length of my
mouth and looked at myself in the mir-
ror. Then I lay down on my bed again
and closed my eyes.

Emily Swanson. 1 had, by the time 1
left for Nebraska, whacked off for a sig-
nificant part of the year exclusively to
the one picture I had of her, which was
on a flier for Iv; ish Bar, a reason-
ably priced fish joint across from the
mall, where she worked as a waitress.
I had been struck by the photograph
and I took it into my room. I think I
have it in a box somewhere. She was
wearing a white blouse and showing
two rows of perfectly straight white
teeth. Her blonde hair was up on top of
her head. a few strands dangling in
front of her face. A dark space beneath
her jawline may have been the result of
a smudge on the camera lens, though I
could never tell conclusively. Welcome to
Tvar's, the caption says. How can I help

you? 1 kept it beneath my bed and took
‘it out whenever I felt i

It probably goes without saying that

1 wasn't a very popular kid. I'd had a
difficult time making connections with
people my age, but not from lack of
trying. I liked people, or at least, the
idea of people. At different times in my
high school career Га been involved
with choir, band, weight training club,
dance club. math club. Young Republi-
cans, Young Democrats, Students for
Kind Relations Russia, Students
Against Exploitation, the American
Morality Preservation Society, drama
club and others that I can't remember.
I spent a lot of time in meetings, and
formed thc Dccatur High School Fish-
eries Council my senior year, of which I
was the only member.

And then my dad broke our hearts
and left, and 1 spent a long time unable
то see the good in anything. The world
became a place filled with blatant sor-
row. I stopped attending meetings. I
spent a lot of ime in my room with my
fish, or in my brother's room, watching
him play, or on the couch, watching
television with my mother. But one day
toward the end of that final school year
I was walking down the hall after sci-
ence class when I saw the girl from the
Fish Bar flier leaning against the wall,
her backpack slung over her left shoul-
der, waiting to go into history. I recog-
nized her immediately and my heart
jumped into my throat. 1 mean it. My
heart leaped into my throat.

I bribed a kid who worked in the of-
fice to tell me what her name was, what
her story was—she'd been kicked out
of St. Mark’s for questionable behav-
ior—what classes she had, her hall
locker. I changed my routes through
campus. I made sure to pass by her
locker as often as I could. I spied on
her in her classes through the thin strip
of window built into the doors, and she
always seemed bored. I found that she
lived just a few blocks away from me on
a cul-de-sac that, in 12 years of living in
the same house, I'd never been down.
And, after a few days of careful obser-
vation, I discovered that she walked
home from school.

Ona Tuesday, I managed to catch her
ata DONT WALK sign and 1 offered her a
ride home. She looked around and got
in. I said hello, and offered her my
hand, which she shook. Her hand was
very small. I told her a few rudimenta-
ry things about my life, true and other-
wise, and soon we were outside of her
house where, as well as I was able to. I
asked her out on a date that she, and
I've never understood why, accepted

I skipped school the next day and
drove into Seattle to find a suitable res-
taurant. I toured eight in the down-
town area and finally reserved a table
next to a window at a pricey scafood
place overlooking the Sound. I washed

(continued on page 156)

Coach Butch Davis bolted to the
NFL but that won’t keep Miami
from the national championship

sports by GARY COLE It started in
1957. President Eisenhower was in his
second term. McDonald's hamburgers
cost 15 cents. The Edsel was just going
into production. Thirty-one-year-old
Hugh Hefner was editing his astonish
ingly successful men’s magazine on the
eve of its fourth year. Collier's magazine
had just folded, and Hefner, a maga
zine fan, realized that a special annual
sports feature, Collier's pigskin preview
and preseason All-America team, was
about to be orphaned. He immediately
called Francis Wallace, Collier's football
swami, and asked if he'd continue se
lecting All-Americas and his top 20
teams for PLAYBOY

Wallace accepted. Alex Karras and
John David Crow were on that first
team. Iowa's Forest Evashevski was the
first PLAYBOY Coach of the Year, and the
Hawkeyes were the magazine's pick to
finish number one. A popular and im-
portant sports feature was saved from
extinction and a new tradition was
born—the Playboy All-America team.

That was 45 years ago. Wallace was
quickly succeeded by Anson Mount, a
theology grad from the University of
Chicago who loved opera so much that
he once walked 20 miles from his home
in White Bluff, Tennessee to Nashville
to attend a performance of La Boheme
Over the next 29 years, Mount became
the number one college football prog-
nosticator in the nation, and for a mag.
azine that was famous for its disrobed
Centerfolds, not its sports coverage
Anson died in 1986. The last thing he
said to me. lying on his deathbed in
Methodist Hospital in Nashville, was,

Did I finish my football article?"

The honor of selecung the Playboy
All-Americas fell to me. 1 received lots
of help—trom Gil Brandt, the 29-year
director of (continued on page 104)

University of —

Miami mascot
Sebostian is
making plans
to visit Pasade-
na in early
January when
the Cones
expect ta be
vying for a
national

=A B. NE

TOP 20 TEAMS

1. Miami. 11-0 11. Kansas State. 8-3
12. Tennessee.
13. Notre Рат
14. Clemson.

19. Michigan.
20. Ohio State.

Possible breakthroughs: Georgia Tech, Alabamo, Colorado State, Louisiana
State, Auburn, South Carolina, Mississippi, Marshall, Nevado-Las Vegas

101

Playboy's 2001

0 issippi; Robert Royal, tigh
Third row: Joey Harrington, quarterback, Oreg
Northwestern; Jabar Gaffney, receiver, Florida;
row: Aaron Lockett, kick returner, Kansas Stat

e
..
.

[ACCOMMODATIONS PROVIDEO EY THE POINTE HILTON RESORT =-
АТ TAPATIO CLIFFS IN PHOENIX, ARIZONA- “
PLAYERS: COSTUMES BY CARLOS LARRANAGA FOR CJ'S LEATHER IN DENVER.

ica Team

tæ
Ф
Е
+
<

104

THE PLAYBOY ALL-AMERICAS

PLAYBOY's Coll

Football Coach of the Year for 2001 is RANDY WALKER of North-

western University. Turning a 3-8 record in his first season with the Wildcats into an
8-3 regular season record last year, Walker has installed a no-huddle spread of-
fense that befuddles opponents. He has also instilled a sense of pride and optimism
in a program that historically has taken losing for granted.

OFFENSE
JOEY HARRINGTON—Quarterback, 6'4",
pounds, senior, Oregon. Led Pac 10 in total
offense with 256.3-yard average and passing
yards with 244.9-yard average. His 214 com-
pletions on 405 pass attempts resulted in
2967 yards and 22 touchdowns.
DAMIEN ANDERSON—Running back, 5'11",
204, senior, Northwestern. Leading returning
rusher in the nation. Had 2063 yards on the
season and scored 23 touchdowns.
TJ. DUCKETT—Running back, 6'1", 252, ju-
nior, Michigan State. Averaged 123 yards
rushing per game for total of 1353 yards.
JABAR GAFFNEY— Wide receiver, 6'1", 202,
sophomore, Florida. Set the NCAA Division
1-A record for touchdown receptions in a
season by a freshman with 14, as well as
most receiving yards with 1184. Had 71 re-
ceptions, an SEC record for a freshman.
ANTONIO BRYANT—Wide receiver, 6'2",
185, junior, Pittsburgh. Won the 2000 Bilet-
тон Award as the nation’s top receiver, on-
ly the second sophomore to accomplish the
feat (the first was Randy Moss). Led the na-
tion with an average 130.2 receiving yards
per game.
ROBERT ROYAL—Tight end, 6'5", 231, se-
nior, Louisiana State. Caught 22 passes for
340 yards and five touchdowns last season.
Helped school’s injury-depleted basketball
team by playing in five games last season.
‘SETH MCKINNEY—Center, 6'3", 302, senior,
‘Texas A&M. Has started every game (38) in
his collegiate career and could become one
of only five centers in NCAA history to start
every game for four straight years.
BRYANT MCKINNIE—Lineman, 6'9", 335,
senior, Miami. Voted a first-team All-America
by The Football News, he did not allow a sin-
gle sack last season.
KENDALL SIMMONS—Lineman, 6'3", 319,
‘senior, Auburn. Allowed one sack all year and
paved the way for Tiger running back Rudi
Johnson to lead SEC in rushing.
TERRENCE METCALF—Lineman, 6'3", 315,
‘senior, Mississippi. Anchored Rebel offensive
line, which allowed fewest sacks in the SEC
and was tied for third fewest in nation with
seven.
MIKE WILLIAMS—Lineman, 6'6", 339, se-
nior, Texas. Allowed just one sack last season
and ranked second on team (to Leonard Da-
vis) in pancake blocks with 36.
JONATHAN RUFFIN—I vis 5'10",
189, junior, Cincinnati. Winner of 2000 Lou
Groza Award honoring nation's top kicker, he
already ranks third in school history in field
goals with 31 and fourth in kick scoring
points with 142.
AARON LOCKETT—Kick returner, S'7", 165,
senior, Kansas State. Led the NCAA in punt
returns with school-record 22.8-yard aver-
age. Also recorded 36 receptions for 584
yards and averaged 22.3 yards on kick retums,

DEFENSE
JOHN HENDERSON—Lineman, 6'7", 290, se-
nior, Tennessee. Last season's Outland Tro-
phy winner as outstanding lineman in nation,
he recorded 64 unassisted tackles, including
an SEC-leading 12 quarterback sacks and 21
tackles for loss.
WENDELL BRYANT—Lineman, 6'4", 293, se-
тог, Wisconsin. Named Big Теп co-defensive.
lineman of the year last season; nearly one
quarter of his career tackles have been be-
hind the line of scrimmage.
ALEX BROWN—End, 6'3", 264, senior, Flori-
da. Two-time Playboy All-America, his career
22.5 quarterback sacks ranks fifth best in
school history.
JULIUS PEPPERS—End, 6'6", 270, junior,
North Carolina. Led the nation in sacks last
season with 15. Set single-season school
record with 24 tackles for loss. Also played
on the Tar Heels’ basketball team.
JAMES ALLEN—Linebacker, 6'3", 227, se-
ток, Oregon State. Has 118 career tackles,
luding 85 solos, despite missing a sig-
nificant portion of last season due to an
injury.
KALIMBA EDWARDS—Linebacker, 6'6",
260, senior, South Carolina. Had 74 tackles
(including 11 tackles for loss] and led team
with seven quarterback sacks.
ROCKY CALMUS—Linebacker, 6'3", 234, se-
nior, Oklahoma. Runner-up for Butkus Award
and a consensus All-America last season. He
led his team in tackles with 125.
EDWARD "PIG" PRATHER—Defensive back,
6'2", 195, senior, Mississippi State. Had 78
tackles last season, including five quarter-
back sacks and 11 tackles for loss.
QUENTIN JAMMER—Defensive back, 6'1",
198, senior, Texas. Has 33 career pass
breakups and caused eight fumbles. Last
year listed as top junior cornerback in nation
by Mel Kiper Jr.
ED REED—Defensive back, 6'0", 190, senior,
Miami. Consensus All-America last season,
he had 80 tackles, eight interceptions and 23
pass breakups. A three-year starter for the
Hurricanes at strong safety.
DENNIS WEATHERSBY—Defensive back,
61", 203, junior, Oregon State. Only player
in the Pac 10 to be named to coaches
conference team and also earn first-team
honors on the Рас 10 All-Academic team.
PRESTON GRUENING—Punter, S'10", 200,
sophomore, Minnesota. Led nation in punting
last season with 45.2-yard average. Also se-
lected to Academic All-Big 10 team.
ANTWAAN RANDLE El—Multiple threat as
quarterback, wide receiver and punt return-
er, S'10", 194, senior, Indiana. First time in
45-year history of Playboy All-Americas that
new position was created to recognize multi-
ple-threat player. Randle El is on pace to rush
for more yards than any quarterback in NCAA
Division 1-A history.

player personnel for the Dallas Cow-
boys, and from countless college coach-
es and sports information directors
who appreciated the tradition that Hef,
Anson and pıaysoy had started.

Much has changed in college foot-
ball over the past 45 years. The rules
y allow substitutions for offense and
defense. The single wing died. The
spread, the hurry-up and many more
offensive innovations were born. The
biggest change has probably been in
the players themselves. There have
been great ones—Ernie Davis, O.J.,
Mean Joe Greene, Butkus, Lawrence
Taylor. But as the years have passed,
they've gotten bigger, stronger, faster.
Herschel Walker, Marino, Elway and
Barry Sanders have passed through
PLAYBOY'S All-America doors. Brian Joz-
of West Virginia was PLAYBOY s
first 300-pound lineman. Tony Man-
darich of Michigan State was the sec-
ond. The offensive line of the 2001
Playboy All-America team averages 322
pounds. These are not fat men. They
are quick, agile and hard as rock.

The first Playboy All-Amencas were
tough guys who played for the glory
of college football and the chance to
make a living professionally. For today's
players, college is the place to show-
case their athletic skills in a quest for
the guaranteed millions that come with
a spot in the first round of the NFL
draft. Six of the first seven first-
round picks from this year's draft were
Playboy All-Americas last year; 12 in all
were chosen in the first round.

So these are the ones we predict will
be the best. Now let's look at our ‘Top
20 college football teams for 2001.

(Lj MIAMI

Butch Davis led Miami from scandal
and sanctions to college football's elite.
He replenished talent, eliminated swag-
ger and restored pride. Then he took
the money and ran to a head coaching
job in the NFL, leaving the Hurricanes
in shock. Miami administrators launched.
a search for a new coach, but the play-
ers quickly united behind six-year as-
sistant coach Larry Coker. The univer-
sity wisely conceded, which made the
players happy and kept almost all of
Davis’ recruits headed to Miami. After
finishing 11—1 last vear, including a
Sugar Bowl defeat of old rival Florida
(their first meeting in 13 years), the
Hurricanes have enough talent and
depth to make a run at the national
championship. Junior Ken Dorsey re-
turns after beating out Michael Vick
last season as first-team All-Big East
quarterback. The offensive line, led by
Playboy All-America Bryant McKinnie
and Joaquin Gonzalez, is awesome
in both talent and size. The defensive

(continued on page 166)

“Carol’s showing off her ring again.”

105

tephanie
STARTS OVER

miss october has a
sweet tooth for change

INCINNATI NATIVE Stephanie Heinrich has

slipped into her new life at Los Angeles’

Playboy Mansion like she would slip into
a comfy pair of pajamas. "It's like a college dorm.”
she explains. “I'm friends with all the girls, but
there's always one who you kick it with the most.
My new golden retriever, Beamer, lives with me at
the Mansion and 1 love going swimming with him,
but he's afraid of the monkeys and chases the big
African cranes.” The 21-year-old aspiring actor was
a teacher's aide in high school and studied criminal
justice at the University of Cincinnati before taking
time off to fulfill her teenage fantasy of posing tor
PLaveoy, first in October 2000's Girls of Conference
USA and then as Playboy.com's first Cyber Girl of
the Month. “If I go back to finish school someday,

PHOTOGRAPHY BY STEPHEN WAYDA

UNA
Aa)

Miss October's favorite scory movie is The Shining. But when it comes to Hal-
loween costumes, she tries to elicit stores, not scores. "Last yeor | dressed like a
little girl, with o plaid pink-and-white miniskirt open in the bock, little ruffled

ponties and a short top,” she soys.

This year l'm going to be a cheerleader."

га like to work my way up to being a homi-
Lalso think drugs
are a big problem today. especially with

cide detective,” she sa

younger kids. I've always wanted to see if 1
could fix that somehow. 1 would just like to
help get one drug dealer off the street.
Stephanie recently went on Hef's excel-
lent European vacation, and says it was love
at first sight. “I don’t know how to explain
him—he's so not the average guy.” she says.
"He is constantly working on the magazine
or his scrapbook—always going. going
ing. It's unbelievable.” Although Stephanie
enjoys traveling at Hef speed, anyone who
meets Miss October finds her remarkably
grounded. “I never forget where I came
from,” she say ter 1 moved to Los Ange
les. a lot of people back home said, ‘I'm sur-

some-

prised—you haven't changed at al

times it's hard to find someone who cares
enough to listen to your problems, but that's
how I am. You might have to go back some-
day, so why change into something you're
not? I'm totally down-to-earth.”

Miss October loves body slams. “I've been a WWF fon forever,” she declares. "I don't usually get starstruck, but when I met Stone Cold
Steve Austin | just fraze. The first time | watched a match, | jumped up ond dawn an the couch, screaming." Stephanie hos since befriended

the wrestler Chyna. “She moy be intimidating becouse she is so muscular, but she's a teddy bear,” she soys. "She hos с good heart

MISS OCTOBER

PLAYMATE DATA SHEET

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VIDEO AND MORE PIC URES OF STEPHANIE THE.
FIRST-EVER CYBER QiRL— ANE AT CYBER PLAYBOYCOM.

PLAYBOY’S PARTY JOKES

A description of the perfect morning: You sit
down to breakfast and your girlfriend's pic-
ture is in PLAYBOY, your son's picture is on the
Wheaties box and your wife's picture is on
the milk carton.

А man didn't have a costume for a Halloween
party. So he took off his shirt, socks and shoes.
The host answered the door and asked, “What
the hell are you supposed to be?"

“A premature ejaculation,” the man said. "1
just came in my pants!”

/
(4.

А young woman got a job working for a
wealthy stockbroker. One day she came home
from work crying. She told her mother, “I'm
pregnant. And my boss is the father.”

The next morning, the mother confront-
ed the stockbroker. “You scum,” she shouted.
"You'd better not abandon my daughter.”

The executive said, “Your daughter
have the best doctor money can buy. She'll
have the baby in the best hospital. 1 ат ar-
ranging for a trust fund for her and the baby.
She'll receive $2500 a week for the rest of her
life."

The mother thought for a moment and said,
"Tell me—God forbid, she should have a mis-
carriage: Will you give her another chance?"

Е joke or THE monta: A husband and wife got
into an argument. The husband yelled, “When
you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads
HERE LIES MY WIFE—AS COLD AS EVER.

“Oh yeah?" she said. "When you die, I'm
getting you a headstone that reads HERE LIES МҮ
HUSBAND—STIFF AT LAST.”

A lawyer was riding in his limousine when he
saw a man eating grass by the side of the road.
He ordered his driver to stop the car. "Why are
ng grass?" he asked the man.
lon't have any money for food," the
man replied.
"Come along with me then," the lawyer said.
“But, sir,” the man said. “I have a wife and

s m along," the lawyer replied.
‘The family climbed into the limousine. The
poor man you are extremely kind
Thank you

The lawyer replied, “No problem. My grass
at home is almost two inches tall."

interrupted her husband while he was

TV. “Honey, could you please fix the
light in the hallway?” she asked.

He gave her an angry look and said, "Now?
Does it look like 1 have a GE logo printed on
my forehead? No way."

“Well, then, could you fix the refrigerator
door?" she asked. “It doesn't shut properly."

“Does it look like I have Westinghouse writ-
ten on my forehead?" he asked. “I've had
enough of this. I'm going to the bar”

After a couple of hours, he returned home
to find the hall light was working and the re-
frigerator door repaired. "Honey, how did you
get these fixed?" he asked

“Well, after you lefi, I sat outside and cried,”
she said. "Then a nice young man walked by
and offered to do all the repairs if 1 would have
sex with him or bake him a cake."

Surprised, the husband exclaimed, “So you
made him the cake, right?"

His wife replied, “Do you see Sara Lee writ-
ten on my forehead?”

Р. лувоу crassic: A woman who had been tak-
ing golf lessons was playing her first round
when a bee stung her leg. On her way back to
the clubhouse, she ran into her golf instructor.
“Why are you back so early?” he asked.

"I was stung by a bee,” she said.

“Where?” he asked.

"Between the first and second hole," she
answered.

He nodded knowingly and said, “Then your
stance is too wide.”

Why are New Yorkers so depressed? The light
at the end of their tunnel is New Jersey.

Mely iinan

А-а waitress was taking a couple's order, she
noticed that the man was slowly sliding under
the table. The woman didn't seem to notice.
When she finished taking the order, the м
asked, “Pardon me, madam. Is everything
Your husband just slid under the table.”

The woman calmly replied, “No he didn't.
In fact, my husband just walked through the
front door.”

Send your jokes on postcards to Party Jokes Editor,
rrAvnov, 680 North Lake Shore Drive, Chicago,
Illinois 60611, or by e-mail to jokes@ t play com.
$100 will be paid to the contributor whose submis-
sion is selected. Sorry, jokes cannot be returned.

Pr ao

“What do you say —just this once—we go out and trick or treat?”
119

e University
ed with mor!
kids mas

alter tops: ti
тал
mile
жаве

e 5
akes- Finally:

di ckstage—a-1-5-

а burst into
s. Girls embrace:
ana sweaty,”
m wWalsmith, holding an
tar. He strums 2 chord.
ооё."

ѕеїѕ

eet: Walsmith,
forth, bass“

down shots at

ev
rytellers whose melodies
multaneousiv

of heartbreak and Dave
Matthews’ life-of-the-
party vibe. They're
blue-collar rockers, all
dirty jeans, scuffed
shoes and whatever
T-shirts they stuffed
into their backpacks.
The Nadas have been
touring full-time for
four years. Their lyrics
reflect what they know:
being in love, breaking
up, missing their fami-
lies and waking up in
a different city every
day. In the past few
years, they've reached
minor-league rock star
status—especially in
their home state of
Iowa—by playing cam-
pus bars, outdoor fes-
tivals, frat parties,
weddings, graduations
and postprom bashes.
They have even played
at a shopping center.
Wot that they’re proud
of that.

While puff
shows such as
“Making the
Band” and
“Popstars”
churn out plas-
tic clones like
a Barbie doll
factory, the
NADAS have
chosen to seek
stardom the or-
ganic way—by
building a fan
base city by
city. They spend 95
percent of their lives on.
the road, driving their
RV past cornfields, cows,
mountain ranges and
skyscrapers. After their
Shows, they party until
sunrise. If they're not
up to crawling into
the ЕУ" claustrophobic
bunk beds, they crash
on beaches, the streets
or friends’ couches. On
more than one occasion,
they've been busted for
sleeping in public. They
shower at truck stops
and buddies’ apart-
ments. They fill up at

PLAYBOY

122

all-you-can-eat buffets.

So far, the Nadas have released four
CDs: their latest. Coming Home, has sold
more than 15,000 copies and is played
on 120 campus radio stations. Accord-
ing to Amazon.com, Coming Home and
En Vivo! have both been listed as the
best-selling CDs in Iowa. The band has
two music videos, which can be seen
on thenadas.com, and a mailing list of
10.000 fiercely loyal fans. They play 15
to 20 shows a month. Record labels call
them to request CDs. They have yet to
sign a record deal.

We caught up with the Nadas in Chi-
cago, where they opened for the lo-
cal band Hello Dave. Then it was off
to Iowa City, where they headlined a
show at the Q Bar.

THE VIC THEATER, CHICAGO,
APRIL 27. SEVEN PM.

The Nadas, along with tour mana
er Will Petersen and sound engineer
Ron Gomez, have finished their sound
check and are enjoying a few preshow
cocktails in their basement dressing
room. With two hours to kill, they de-
cide to go to a party at a friend of a
friend's nearby pad.

When it comes to appearance, the
Nadas are the anti-boyband. They
don't coordinate their outfits. They
don't do choreographed dance rou-
tines. They wouldn't be caught dead in
glitter. Once, when they were asked to
audiuon for The Cut, an old MTV show
that broke new acts, Walsmith and But-
terworth flew to California to find that
the audition entailed dancing and
singing to prerecorded music. “That
show was a sham,” Butterworth says.
“They wouldn't let us play our instru-
ments. I was like, “This is not what
we're about. I don't want to be part of
it’ They taped the whole thing. On the
off chance that we end up on Behind
the Music someday, and they get the
footage, we're screwed.”

When they're on the road, the Nadas
travel in their 1997 Eldorado RV, nic
named Fox Sınolder because it nearly
exploded once.

“We bought the RV in Minnesota,”
- “After cramming our
mattresses and sleeping bags into the
storage bins, we noticed green smoke
wafting out. 1 thought it was an accu-
mulation of Brett's farts, but then I
opened the other side of the RV. This
Backdraft-type flame came shooting out
at Will."

“I tried to stomp it out,” Petersen
turned into four flaming

ed rolling toward the gas tank. So 1
gave it a Pelé-style kick. which made it
stick to Jason's chest. As this flaming
ball of mattress was rolling down Jason,
Mike came running out with a fire ex-

tinguisher. It was bizarre. We put the
fire out, and when we went inside, the
guy who sold us the RV was like. ‘I'm
sorry, that’s horrible. That'll be $40 for
the fire extinguisher.”

Fox Smolder has a revolving-door
policy for friends and fans.

“It's not uncommon for a fan to

jump on the RV alter a show, ride with

us to the next gig and catch a Grey.
hound back,” Walsmith says.
“Happens all the time,” Butterworth
adds. “Once, we were going to Col-
orado for a week, and a friend from
Chicago, who was a little tipsy, decid-
ed to ride along and visit her brother.
She woke up somewhere in Nebraska
and realized what she was doing. Still,
she stayed with us for three days and
caught a flight home.
Fox Smolder is stocked with Nadas

essentials: beer, Gatorade, photos of

family members and dogs, a TV, nearly
100 movies, sunflower seeds, Starbursts
and other junk food they ve picked up
at truck stops along the way. An empty
pizza box teeters on the kitchen sink.
Arby's wrappers and empty water bot
des litter the floor.

There used to be a porn collection.
donated by a friend who worked at a
video store that went out of business,
but it disappeared mysteriously the
same day they got it

Gomez: "Tony does it in his bunk, in-
to a sock or a rag. I think he's the only
one who beats off in the RV.”

Bohnenkamp: "Gomez, don't you
need a nap or somet

There i5 also a bathroom law: Pee
only. And before it gets too cold, the
toilet must be winterized. "Otherwise,"
Walsmith says, “a bunch of piss will
freeze in there. 1: happened last year.”

BACKSTAGE AT THE VIC. MIDNIGHT.

As Hello Dave finishes up, Butterworth
and Petersen down Coronas and munch
on Twizzlers in the dressing room.

“Every once in a while I'll stop sing-
ing and the crowd will take over. ГЇЇ
think, God, these 500 people had to go
through a lot to get here,” Butterworth
s. “They had to get gussied up, find
the bar, pay too much cover, spend 100
much money on beer, memorize our
CDs. They've chosen to spend Satur
day night with us. It's the best feeling
in the world. Considering that we've
been doing this so long, 1 can't believe
there are more people coming out in-
stead of less. I've seen the bottom drop
out on bands so many umes.”

“We were on tour with a few other
bands recently.” Petersen says. “Our
tour bus broke down, so we ended up
riding around in this small town—Mat-
toon, Illinois—in a limo.”

"It was drunk Tuesday,” Butterworth
adds. "We started drinking at 11 лм
The tour was co-sponsored by a beer
company. We were shitlaced when we
showed up.”

“We were playing in a big tin shed.”
Petersen says. “At one point I asked the
bartender, ‘Do you like us? He's like.
"Yeah, you have a great sound. But you
sure do drink a lot.’ We'd run up an
$1100 bar tab, and that was at half
price. Our bus driver and limo driver
were so fucked up they were running
around the street, giving each other
wedgies. Obviously they couldn't driv
so a guy in the other band had to take
the wheel, That was the whole tour.
Those drivers were an adventure and a
half from start to finish.”

“If you were to put the four of us to-
gether in our drunkest states we still
would not be as drunk as one of them,”
Bohnenkamp adds.

After the show, everyone jumps into
а 20-person limo that is stocked with
booze. Adrenaline is high. Blood alco-
hol levels are higher.

The party train arrives at the Cubby
Bear, a Wrigleyville bar in which Do-
mestic Problems. another band the Na-
das hang out with, is playing. Out front,
everyone spills out of the limo, runs
through an alley and goes through a
back entrance. Next thing you know,
the Nadas are onstage with Domestic
Problems, singing Walking on Sunshini

“1 love everything about the Nadas,” a
drunken fan says. “Musically, they're my
total faves. My first Nadas show was a
year ago this April, and I've been a fan
ever since. I came from Michigan to
hear them play. Chicks dig them.”

“A lot of people hear our songs when
friends put them on mixed CDs,” Nel-
son says. “Then they go to the website
and buy the CD. One of my proudest
moments was when our song Where ['m
Going was chosen the senior class song
at a high school in Iowa. We have no
connection to the school. Weve never
played there. Its just that it hit home
with those kids. For some reason, peo-
ple are influenced by musicians. That
people are excited to come to our shows
means a lot ^

Every popular band should have a
supergroupie, and the Nadas come
complete with Gifford, who has gone to
so many shows, written so many e-mails
and left so many voice-mail messages
that if she weren't half joking, she
could easily be classified as а stalker.

"She writes some funny-ass e-mails.
ГИ give her that,” Petersen says.

“L started going to see them when
I was in colleg ford explains
“They're fun. nice guys. | come from a
town of 10,000 people. My hometown
radio station plays them. 1 don’t want

(continued on page 176)

“You mean I can give my body to science and still be around to enjoy и?”

123

TION

By JOSEPH DE ACETIS

GIRLS LOOK FOR GUYS
WITH BOLD TASTE AND
STYLE—UPDATE YOUR
WARDROBE AND

THEY’LL FIND YOU

here is something impres-

sive about a guy who can

plop a goldfish into a full
beer bong and down it in three sec-
onds. But the best-looking girl at
the party isn't going home with that
guy. Girls want guys with serious
flair. And there's no better way to
give off a sheen of confidence than
with slick clothes. Of course, if
you’re not comfortable, clothes
look like a costume. So, the latest
designs are just comfy sweats and a
spring break T-shirt. Start with a
button-front shirt by Ben Sherman
or Hugo Boss—something with
enough flair to fly the confidence
flag—and stylish, updated cords
from Axis. Or go for a heavy-gauge
sweater or colorful polo and thick
velvet jacket. The key is tweaking
traditional looks to suit your style.
Just remember that, like your ma-
jor your personal style makes a
statement. Don't get stuck with a
look by default or, worse yet, with
what your mom leaves under the
Christmas tree. And a footnote: Pay
attention to your shoes. Girls will.

Forget BMOC—these days it's all
about BMW. (That's the 2001 Z3
roadster.) Left to right: Ed wears
a striped buttondown, bomber
jacket and cotton pants by Hugo
Hugo Boss and slip-on shoes by
Skechers. On Jason are a turtle-
neck, three-button jacket, but-
ton-fly pants and car coat by
Trend Corneliani and shoes by
Cole-Haan. Shannon's fur-hood-
ed suede jacket is by Joop. Olivia
is in a zip-front knit jacket by
Diesel. The driver is in a sweater
and three-button jacket by Trend
Corneliani. Skylar is in a turtle-
neck, two-button jacket and
cords by NY Based. Shoes are

by Skechers. Mitch wears a
sweater, leather jacket and knit
pants by Boss Hugo Boss and
slides by Skechers.

PHOTOGRAPHY BY RON CONTARSY

125

nit jocker ónd jeans Бу
by CAT. Jason wears a

Check this out (clockwise from top ||
shirt by ABS by Allen Schwartz ond
by Bills Khakis. John wears a shirt а
shoes by New Balance. Olivia

Allen Schwartz and shoes by DKNY

iS'in an outfit by Ben Sherman. Shannon wears
Earl. Mitch is in a shirt by Woolrich and khakis
'eater by Paul Stuart, jeans by Lucky Brand and
pantsuit by Richmond Denim, jacket by Allen B. by
son is in a shirt by.
7

Call it a scrum—we call it extended foreplay. Clockwise from prone: Jason wears a T-shirt by CK by Calvin Klein,
thermal shirt and khakis by Tommy Jeans and sneakers by Puma. Skylar is in a rugby shirt by Gap. Olivia is ina
hoaded T-shirt by Tommy Jeans. Mitch is in fleece cargo pants and a hooded sweatshirt by Avirex. Tim is in a ru
by shirt and pants by Tommy Jeans and sneakers by Puma. Shannon wears a jacket by Tommy Jeans and cards
by Richmond Denim. Ed wears a T-shirt, sweatshirt and pants by Ocean Pacific and sneakers by CAT.

Panty: гаа! (Even Бене actually.) Left to ri wearsa .—
| T-shirt by DKNY, j By.Diesel and boot Olivia is in
a halter dress by BCBG. Ae mis dressed in D&G ~~

Dolce and Gabbana. Skylg fw irs of Jockey boxers.
John ls in a Tahirt ond undewa W s

WHERE AND HOW TÓ BUY DN PAGE 164

“Just another eat and run.”

M U irika Ericsson

1 have made love in unusual places. Гуе
had sex in a cab in New York City. which
was kind of gutsy. I had sex in a garage
elevator. I like the idea of not knowing
whether or not we'll get caught.
I like to have sex with the lights on. I
ant to be able to see the person I'm
having sex with. I want to see that
Cute heart-shaped burt and nice body.
aking love in the dark is boring. I
also love candles—lots of them.
When a man doesn't respond to
Ime, I don't get overly upset. Rela-
tionships are all different. Some
are not going anywhere—even if
the sex is great. So you stay until
something else comes along. If
both people know what's going
оп, then it's not a bad thing.
I've had sex with men who
were younger or older than
me. A younger guy can have
ix anytime—five or 10 times
day. That's kind of nice,
but I like older men bet-
fer. Younger men don't have
perience and they're too insecure
Older men know what they're doing and know
w to use their bodies. And speaking of that, I like fore-
play that includes lots of kissing and cuddling. I like my man to
Know how to use his hands. Sometimes I dress up for sex. When I'm wait-
ing for my man to come home, I light candles and put on something nice. But it
could also be that we're out on a boat in the middle of nowhere
g comes over us and we just do it. I like to be
spontaneous. I like sex and I'm not afraid of trying
new things. Um adventurous and I know what

sa ы a man likes.
zs „= M. aman
wh қ ~

AIDA 3 GA OAEI
This Halloween Her Trick Is A Treat

e walks in beauty like the
night, this sexy but
strangely wholesome
ghoul next door. For 20
years Cassandra Peterson
has portrayed Elvira, Mis-
tress of the Dark, queen of
all Halloween media, who,
like the undead and Dick
Clark, spookily never
seems to age. Now she’s
been captured in all her
towering-haired, volu
tuous, campy-vampy style
by renowned pin-up artist
Olivia de Berardinis.
Peterson says she has al-
ways been a fan of pin-up
art, such as the classic Var-
gas works. “I think Olivia
is (concluded on page 174)

Marg Helgenberger

PLAYBOY'S

tv's brick house on romance, tommyknockers and
whether her csi character will ever strip again

S he is the best thing about CBS" top-
rated drama, CSI: Crime Scene In-
vestigation. Her character K.C. brightened
China Beach and won her an Emmy in
1990. Her appearances in Stephen King's
miniseries The Tommyknockers and her sint
as George Clooney's love interest on ER were
more than memorable. In fact, Marg Hel-
genberger enhances every project she accepts.

She grew up т Nebraska and acted т
school plays, but it wasn't until she attended
Northwestern University that acting took
hold as a career possibility. Upon gradua-
tion she was cast on the ABC soap opera
Ryan's Hope.

Her work includes movies, of course. She
managed to create a romantic interlude with
Michael Madsen amid the mayhem of Spe-
cies (she also appeared in Species 11). And
she made Steven Seagal look good when he
wasn't punching someone т Fire Down Be-
low. Most recently she garnered rave notices
as a cancer patient in Erin Brockovich and
in the CBS miniseries Perfect Murder, Per-
fect Town, playing Patsy Ramsey.

Robert Crane met with Helgenberger in
Santa Monica. He reports: “Marg is a
bright, no-nonsense, funny person. She's in-
credibly earthy and sexy and she smells like
she just got a little sun.”

PLayBoy: Describe the Marg Helgen-
berger for us.

HELGENBERGER: Cheeseburger, pickles
and ketchup. On a toasted sesame seed
bun. I'm as basic as they come. 1 am
a meat-and-potatoes gal. I'm from a
small town in the Midwest. Not only do
1 prefer simply prepared foods, but
they prefer me, 100, if you know what I
mean. So, yeah, meat and potatoes.

PLAYBOY: Is the Helgenberger pink on
the inside:

HELGENBERGER: Yes. Definitely. Medium
rare—rare to medium rare. I like
the taste of meat. I don't like it to be

PHOTOGRAPHY BY JACK G

dry. It’s got to be moist inside. Moist
and juicy

PLAYBOY: So, how many great pairs of

knockers were featured in The Tommy-
knockers? And what the heck are tom-
myknockers, anyway?

HELGENBERGER: Wow, I'd have to say
there were at least three pairs of great
knockers in The Tommyknockers. Traci
Lords, Joanna Cassidy and yours truly,
because they're natural and regular
size. That's the only reason. Tommy-
knockers is an English expression that
refers to miners. If someone was left
underground after an explosion or a
cave-in, you would hear them knock-
ing on the sides of the walls. Miners
were Called tommys in the old days.

PLAYBOY: You play a former stripper
turned crime scene investigator on
CSI. Is there a flashback in the offing?
HELGENBERGER: Every crew member on
the show has asked me that. Even my
agent, who's an erudite person, said to
the producer, “I want to sce episodes
in which Marg gets strung out on
drugs and has to go back to stripping.”
The producer said, “Do you think
you're the only person?” If it involved
а crime or forensics or something, it
might be OK.

rLavboy: What are your three distin-
guishing characteristics?

HELGENBERGER: My laugh, my hair col-
or and my parties. I throw really good
parties.

PLAYBOY: You played Patsy Ramsey, and
now you're a crime scene investiga-
tor. Do you think JonBenct's case will
ever be solved?

HELGENBERGER: I watched a lot of Patsy
Ramsey's press conferences. In one she
talked to CNN shortly after the mur-
der, when she was completely stoned
on Valium—she's hardly coherent.
And there was the press conference she
and her husband held for journalists a
few months after the murder. In that
one they were very together and had
their answers down. But they have
stuck with their story the entire time.

PLAYBOY: How did you get the name
Marg?

HELGENBERGER: Well, it's actually Mary
Marg. When my mother was in nurse's
training, she worked in an orphanage
with the nuns, because it was a Catholic
nursing school. The nuns had named
one of the little girls Mary Marg, and
my mother loved the name—so that's
what's on my birth certificate. Obvious-
ly it’s usually Mary Margaret. But she
just loved Mary Marg and intended to
call me that, but it never really stuck.
It's been Marg or Margie all my life.

PLAYBOY: Do men who pronounce the
hard g get further with you than the
ones who say Marge?

HELGENBERGER: My opinion of them ris-
es. It depends, you know, because it
an uncommon name, so 1 dont really
hold it against people. If I've told some-
body repeatedly how to pronounce it,
then [ hold it against him because it
means he’s not paying auention.

PLAYBOY: Helgenberger suggests an
imposing Bavarian edifice, something
made out of bricks. What do you think?
HELGENBERGER: Of course. Back in Ne-
braska there were plenty of brick shit-
houses. My image of a woman who is
built like a brick house, and it’s prob-
ably a cliché, is buxom, large—like

135

PLAYBOY

136

упа, the wrestler. It's a compliment
if someone says I'm built like a brick
house, because I’m a pretty solid per-
son. And I'm fairly down-to-earth. I've
got the hard-boiled thing. Some of the
greatest compliments 1 receive, espe-
cially from men, are that I kick ass, that
“that bitch is bad.” that I'm bad-ass.
that 1 rock. 1 love all that—it gives a
spring to my step when I hear it.

пдувоу: What's your favorite bedroom
scene?
HELGENBERGER: It's in Species, and it was
with Michael Madsen. It was kind of
raucous. I just decided to make it fun
and playful. We tripped over each oth-
er and fell to the ground. That kind of
ick-started it. 1 remember once I took
a flying leap onto him on the bed. And
there was the time 1 tackled him. It was
more playful and feisty than your typi-
cal sensuous love scene.

PLAYBOY: You appeared in Fire Down Be-
low. Is Steven Seagal as wooden as he
appears?

HELGENBERGER: Well, I wouldn't use
that word. He was rarely there. Seri-
ously. He showed up when he needed
to show up. and the rest of the time I
acted with his stand-in. Because of his
martial arts training, I think he's a very
present guy. Whether or not he's going
to fuck with you is another thing. He
loves to play games more than anybody
1 know. Otherwise he gets bored. But
once he realizes you won't play games
with him, he'll back off. A game player
doesn't like to play games with some-
body who's not interested. They'll go
on to find somebody who's going to fall
for their shit. But he was very compli-
mentary to me. He would always say,
“We think you're a terrific actress. The
best thing I did was put you in this film.”

rLavsov: Did Julia Roberts have to ask
someone how to dress for Erin Brock-
ovich or did she have it in her?
HELGENBERGER: There was one day when
she had on this outfit, tight white pants
or capris and this push-up bra that put
her boobs up into the stratosphere.
And these huge fuck-me pumps. Julia
is not that kind of dresser. She's very el-
cgant. But I think she got into it after a
while. And I thought she sashayed in
those clothes beautifully. It was the best
thing she's ever done.

PLAYBOY: Julia Roberts was once your
neighbor. Did she ever come over to
borrow something?

HELGENBERGER: Actually, she came over
to borrow the Cuisinart when Alan, my
husband. was there—and. like most
husbands, he doesn't know where any-
thing is. He was probably struggling
really hard to find it because it's Julia
Roberts at the door. She said, "Oh,
that's OK. I can just use a blender.”
Sometimes in those tabloids they would
print photographs of the duplex she
lived in, and our Pathfinder would be
in the picture. Under the caption it
ditches her Hollywood
Hills mansion for a neighborhood filled
п drug addicts and out-of-work ac-
tors.” But that's my Pathfinder and I'm
a working actor, as is my husband.

PLAYBOY: Might there be sparks around
the Bunsen burner with your co-star
William L. Petersen?

HELGENBERGER: I think the sparks al-
ready exist around the Bunsen burner,
just by the fact that we're both single on
the show. And 1 think we're both rel-
atively lonely—I'm trying to make it
on my own as a single mom and he's
got such tunnel vision. But if you deny
your sexuality, it eventually comes out
in one way or another. Even though

ings exist. lt will be more interesting if
Willows and Grissom don't get togeth-
er. 1 think there's more to be explored
in terms of two co-workers doing their
thing without having any kind of sexu-
al relationship. He’s the more cerebral
one and I'm the more instinctual, intu-
itive, sensual one—the two minds work
well together on cases.

PLAYBOY: Ever have the perfect date ru-
ined by one thing?

HELGENBERGER: lt wasn’t necessarily the
perfect date, but ] do remember a situ-
ation when I was in high school and I
had a crush on a guy. We had planned
to meet at the bowling alley after the
football game or somcthing like that.
He showed up with another girl! So 1
sort of wrote him off as a loser, but a few
months went by and he realized what
an asshole he'd been. Then he courted
me heavily with gifts and poems. And we
actually became an item fora year or so.

PLAYBOY: 15 it harder to be sexy when
you're single or married?

HELGENBERGER: Probably when you re
married. My single friends have a total-
ly different life than I do. There's cer-
tainly a lot more sex. A lot more sex
with various partners. Being single,
you have complete freedom and inde-

pendence. | have a child, and he's ob-
viously the first responsibility. But 1
certainly don't feel like I'm stifled in
any way.

тлувоу: What are you going to tell
your son about girls?

HELGENBERGER: Well, he already has a
crush on Drew Barrymore, but he won't
admit it. He asks me about her. I've
met her. I think he saw The Wedding
Singer, and she was so sweet, so ador-
able. She is that way anyway, but she
was just so charming, and that's what
he fell for—that bubbly, open, sweet
gal. He's got good taste. He docsn't go
for Carmen Electras. He goes for a
good girl who's also sexy. Drew's sexy
and she's a producer. She rocks.

вілувоу: Your 16-year-old son brings
home a young Marg Helgenberger.
What do you say?
HELGENBERGER: You go, boy!
say that he's got good taste. 1 definitely
want him to have somebody who is fun,
and smart, and interested in the world,
and somebody who is going to be a
challenge. I don't want him to seule for
just anyone.

PL BOY: What will you advise your son
to avoid a broken heart?

HELGENBERGER: Oh, my God. The only
way is to go through it. That road can
be really painful, but I think there's
great value in that. And 1 wouldn't
want to shut him off. Some people are
afraid to even go out there because
they're afraid of being hurt, and 1 don't
think that's any way to go through life.
Then you're really not dealing with all
your emotions or following your heart

PLAYBOY: What are some warning signs?
HELGENBERGER: I would be wary of peo-
ple who are users. They might seem
like a lot of fun, but you can generally
tell when somebody's not entirely sin-
cere with their friendship. lUs a fair-
weather thing. And I think that's some-
thing you are susceptible to at a young
age. because there are a lot of charis-
matic people. They draw you in, but
then they spin out of control and you
get left behind. So I would caution hi
against those very dynamic, charismat-
ic person Even though they're
extremely attractive and I, too, fall for
them all the time, just be wary. There's
usually another side to those types of

people.
E

“I don't think 1 ever met anyone before who was into
model railroading and kinky sex!”

and we don’t mean the securities and exchange commission!

"Tine reams or tHe Southeastern Conference inspire more than their share of football fanaticism. More than 5.5 million
fans go to SEC games every season, and SEC teams have won more bowl games than any other conference. But, more in-
terestingly, the SEC schools enroll some of the most gorgeous women in the country. When we visited the conference, we ex-
pected to be bowled over by beauty. And we were. We were also overtaken by the aggressive pubic barbering we saw. Many
girls have given up the patch entirely. We're not sure what to make of this—but we think it requires further study

1 \ j

Jessica Wilsey — VANDERBILT Ashley Woodard — KENTUCKY

As an art history major at Vanderbilt University in Nashville, Jessica Wilsey (above left) studies the grace and symmetry of the human
form. Wilsey admires people wha think for themselves and plans to enter the Peace Carps after graduation. She is inspired by architec-
ture, and her awn edifice is minimalism at its best. Kentucky girl Ashley Waadard (abave right) plays tennis and adares sun, sand and
water, Opposite: Members af the Tou Kappa Epsilan fraternity at the University of Georgia respond ta being named one of the tap 10
party schools. They're assisted by (left ta right) foshion merchandising majar Alexandra Carpanzano, wha loves body piercing; market-
ing mojor Corrie Couch, who's a Haoters girl; business major Meredith Haygoad, who's o crack shat with o rifle; prenursing major
Catherine Boehm, who loves harseback riding; cellular biology major Britt Johnsan, wha plans ta be an exotic-animal veterinarian;
criminal justice major Katy Chow, wha hopes ta work for the FBI; and art and marketing major S'Heelia Marks, who illustrates books.

PHOTOGRAPHY BY DAVID MECEY, MIZUNO AND DAVID RAMS

Alexandra Carpanzano, Carrie Couch, Meredith Haygood, Catherine Boehm, Britt Johnson, Katy Chow, S Heelia Marks — GEORGIA

Claudia Sands — GEORGIA

Belly dancing keeps 5'10" University of Georgia art
majar Claudia Sands (left) in shape, while photog-
raphy keeps her creative juices flowing. Above: Britt-
ney Bayles, Colleen Marie and Elise prepare far de-

grees in veterinary medicine by studying same af
the animals at Louisiana State University in Batan
Rauge. Corinn Paradice (below), who is majoring іп
commercial real estate at the University of Ten-
nessee, adares fast cars and Southern gentlemen.

Bridget Chadwick (below) is an outdaarsy girl who says she tries to live every day ta the
fullest. When she gets alder. she explains, she doesn't want to look back an her life
with any regrets or “what-ifs.” Majoring in social wark at the University af Arkansas,
she hopes ta wark with geriatric patients. Right: Her Ole Miss mascot may be a Rebel,
but nursing student Terah Bruce is a traditional girl who cherishes her family, loves an-
imals and appreciates men who are respectful. Tomboy Gabrielle Capeland (bottam
right], a marketing major at Auburn University in Alabama, is crazy about Noscar, foot-
ball, baseball, hiking and hanging out with the guys. She likes fishing for compliments.

Terah Bruce — MISSISSIPPI

1 | Gabrielle Copeland — AUBURN

Melissa Andresen — VANDERBILT

Sus

A Califarnia girl by birth who has also lived in Germany, Melissa Andresen (left) is c lin-
guist wha loves Southern accents. She hears plenty of them at Vanderbilt, where she's
majoring in German. Below: Lauren Anderson, wha's studying animal biology at the Uni
versity of Floride, says that “everything an my body, including my hair, is real.” Her un-
derpants, though, are fake. Right: Pomela Cuevas is honing her mechanical engineering
skills at the University of Mississippi. She has a passion for riding horses and yearns to
‘own a farm. Tap right: Carrie Kinney, Michelle Miller, Natalie Chambliss, Amy Narvaez
and Allison Moscarelli ride in top-down style at the University of Alabama.

Malissa Valdes (left), a mass-cammunications major at Auburn, can't resist a big micro-
phone: She hopes to be a radio or ТУ broadcaster. She throws pottery and even plays
football. Above: Jacqueline, a mass-communications majar at Louisiana State, also as-
pires to a career in broadcasting. Her newest love is Chloe, her half-Dalmatian, half-Bar-
der callie puppy. Right: Georgia students April Zeigler and Brianne Marie may inspire guys
to injure themselves: They plan to become occupatianal and physical therapists. April, a
health pramotion maior, enjoys skiing on water or snow, while Brianne, majaring in exer-
cise science, goes for rock climbing and running. Amy White (for right), a broadcast jour:
nalism major at the University of Alabama, enjoys stretching into Downward Dag in yoga
class. She craves sushi and adores Steve Martin, long baths and autumn afternoons

Heidi Ondo, Stacey Richardson,
Jennifer Hess — SOUTH CAROLINA

Left: Fashion merchandising mojor Heidi Ondo, exercise science mojar Stocey Richord-
son and psychology major Jennifer Hess, students ot the University of South Carolino
test their flatation device. Heidi hotes cheesy pickup lines, Stacey dislikes rudeness ond
Jennifer can't stond people who ore superficial. Andreo Mauser (bottom left) is o 4.0
grod student in criminology o! the University of Tennessee. She delights in chocolate.
french fries, intelligent conversations ond her python, Ivan. Below: Journalism major
Nikki Bruneel is а vegetorion. Her dreom is to host on entertoinment TV show. She
finds time to ride for the equestrion teom o! the University of Georgio

Nikki Bruneel — GEORGIA

Green-eyed Lauren Mackin (left), a phar-
macy major at the University of Kentucky in Lex
ingtan, plays in the volleyball club and likes to travel
Bottom left: Ole Miss journalism and broadcosting student
Ату Dew gets off on R&B, Harley-Davidsons and Girl Scout cookies.
She has served as on athletic trainer for the football team, massaging
cromped muscles of lucky players. Raised in California, Manique Watkins (below),
a political science major at the University of Kentucky, loves jazz and ballet

Lauren Mackin — KENTUCKY

== r y. ~

Monique Watkins — KENTUCKY

Liso Seab (below left), а graduate student in history at Mississippi State, is a tiny powerhouse. The 52" 98-pounder is working to master the
lightning-fast punches and spinning kicks of tae kwon da. She likes bubble baths, flower gardens and thunderstarms ("They're erotic,” she
says). Julie Brock (below right) perfects her talents in theater, speech and dance at the University of South Carolina. She stays in shape by
dancing, running, lifting weights and swimming. ^1 lave trying new things,” she says. "I'm never afraid ta take risks.” Right: Born and raised
in Pennsylvania, Caitlin Graff has gone south, where she studies biolagical sciences and Spanish at Vanderbilt University. She hapes to make
it to medical school, but she also knows how to have fun: "I love music, I love to dance, | love to be wild and crazy, trying anything new.” Op-
разне, bottom left: Six-foot-two Tamara Stocks, a public relatians mojar at the University of Florida, fuels her lanky frame for competition on
the basketball court. She's also crazy about animals ond water sports. Native Texan Kerri Raser (far right) is studying graphic design at the
University of Alabama. She appreciates gaod home-cooked meols, concerts and sunbathing. She detests snakes and scary movies. She stays
trim with yago, jogging, biking and in-line skating. She manages to stretch her creative muscles with painting and photagraphy.

АС
Julie Brock — SOUTH CAROLINA

Caitlin Groff — VANDERBILT |

Г,
Á

Kerri Roser — ALABAMA

Left: Mirando Mullins,
Lauren Mackin, Stephanie
Rausch, Tammy Marcum, Nicole Sox-
an and Alyssa Orllip get down with their
fellow Wildcats at the University of Kentucky.
Bottom left: Hoping for a career in the fash-
ion industry, Kentucky student Tiffany Starkey
adores good food and loves to dance to work it
off. The Illinois-born blande is a fervent fan af
hockey ond football. Meghan Leo (below), an
apparel merchandising student at Auburn Uni-
versity, is wild about picnics and good food. She
stays in shape with aerabics, running, soccer
ond swimming. She loves riding noisy motorcy-
cles but she doesn't like noisy people. Opposite:
Shleena Dunn, o psychology mojor ot Ten-
nessee, is the first person in her family to go ta
college. “I want ta make my mom proud,” says
the 58" Tennessee native. She plays roller hock-

, 6 ey and field hackey and loves dancing.

Miranda Mullins, Lauren Mackin, Stephanie Rausch, Tammy
Marcum, Nicole Saxon, Alyssa Ortlip — KENTUCKY

Tiffany Starkey — KENTUCKY |

planning a foreign-study trip?

we did your homework—like
where to find all-night raves, free
food and amazing internships

arents may call it broaden-
| ing your perspective. We
call it getting credit for hav-
ing the time of your life.
With 5000 study-abroad
programs (more than 2800 of them
taught in English), you ought to be
able to find one that offers tropical bi-
ology іп a place where you'll want to
party your ass off. Most students head
for the UK, Spain, Italy, France and
Mexico, but the more adventurous
ones check out South America and
Australia, Even if you can afford only
a summer or short-term program,
there are more than 2200 to choose
from. Here are some tips, websites
and offbeat ideas to get you started.

COOL SEA
University of Pittsbnrgh's Semester at Sea
(semesteratsea.com)

The Center for Cross Cultural Study’s
semester in Hnvnnn (800-377-2621)

YES, YOU GET CREDIT FOR THIS
Michelangelo—Syracuse
University’s Center in Florence
Stnge Comhat—The London
Acndemy of Theater

EXOTIC COURSES
Aboriginal studies—Mncqunrie University

Tropical biology—Duke University in
Costa Rica

Vietnam program—SUNY Brockport
Da Nang

Asinn Cultural History Tour, Eastern
Michigan University

BEST PRETRIP SURFING

eybercafes.com

nirtreks.com/index (itineraries)
v/travel wnmings.html

«dcgov/travel (immunizations)

iiepnssport.org (programs)

rnilenrope.com (rail pnsses)

viamichelin.cam (mnps)

BEST BUDGET GUIDES FOR PLAYING HOOKY

COOL INTERNSHIPS

Nike Japnn Corp., Tokyo

NATO, Brussels

United Notions, Genevn

Mozik mngnzine, London
The Louvre, Paris

CLUB MED OF BACKPACKING
Pink Palace,

Corfu (concluded on page 165)

PLAYBOY

152

RAW DEAL

(continued from page 85)
them lessons that are detrimental to soci-
ety—that they are "above the law." We
are not preparing them to become active
and equal citizens in our democracy but
to demand “extra privileges” that might
lead them into criminal lifestyles. The uni-
versities are responsible for leading them
down a path that will deny them their
rights as citizens rather than enable them
to contribute productively to society.

Q: How bad is it?

A: There are several on the UT team
right now, several who just graduated,
who don't know how to read or write. I
would rather pay them money than just
exploit them and not give them any-

thing in return. They bring in a lot of

money. It really is a plantation system.
Q: That's a serious charge. Please explain.
A: They re kept illiterate because the more
they know, the more they realize they
don't have their rights. The illiterate ath-
lete can be exploited. If they make it in
the pros, great. But if they don't make it,
which is morc often the case, then what?
115 shameless. But itis as hard to change
asthe plantation system was. It has grown
so large it can't be hidden anymore.

Q: Don't some athletes like having their
schoolwork done for them?

A: I'm sure some athletes like having
someone write their papers. But the fel-
low who originally broke the ESPN.com
story was an athlete who was a good stu-
dent and was upset at being mistreated,
or treated like a dumbbell, because of
what other athletes were doing. 1 have a
lot of athletes who tried to do their own
work, and the athletic department has
told them, No, just take the D. They aren't
allowed to participate in classes. The sad
stories arc when you sce them want to go
to class and do the work, and they're not
allowed to: "Coach said I couldn't."

Q: Is there any effort to enforce the rules
against plagiarism?

A: One thing the administration keeps
telling me is that if you catch an athlete
with a plagiarized paper you have to
punish him. 1 refuse to do it if the athlete
was told he had to let somebody write
the paper for him. It’s the system that’s
doing the plagiarizing. It's institutional-
ized, and the athletes are scapegoats.

Q: Don't faculty and tutors object to tak-
ing part in fraud?

A: We have many faculty who have been
replaced with part-time instructors who
don't have tenure. If someone from ath-

"Robin, please! I promise to stop taking you for granted!"

letics calls them, they're going to waive
a requirement because they're afraid
they're going to lose their job. It's more
entrenched than a lot of people think.
Q: Who is to blame?

A: You can't blame the athletic depart-
ment, because coaches are hired and
fired on their winning percentages. Their
job is to keep athletes eligible, not to ed
ucate them. There are so many people
who live and die by the success of athlet-
ic programs. As long as there arc high
revenues and attendant merchandising
involved, the pressure will always be too
great on academic administrations to ca-
pitulate to athletic interests. With high-
profile, high-revenue sports it's a closed
circuit. Many people have been bought
out—professors, police departments,
state legislators. Most of the lobbying for
state money takes place in skyboxes.

Q: Any signs of improvement?

A: The start-up of the CAC is exciting
because now the athletes are recognizing
that they're the ones being exploited.

Q: What actions are you and the Drake
Group planning?

A: The main thing we've been trying to
do nationally is to make faculties aware
of how extensive the problem is. Many
of us in the Drake Group know athletes
from different states who are willing to
come out and get kids to come togeth-
er in a federal si Some of us have
discussed a case that would establish a
principle of justice for students that all
universities would have to adhere to.
The federal government has to put down
rules. We're working together to get
something passed that would keep ath-
letic departments from controlling uni-
versities. If faculty senates bring forward
the same issues to the universitics, somc-
one’s going to have to address them.

Q: What would show you that the situa-
tion was really changing?

A: There would be a big change if there
were farm teams for the NBA and the
NFL. Then we wouldn't have to pretend
that some of these athletes want to be
students. That's the real hypocrisy, Most
people have become aware of it.

Q: You would make what is now called
amateur collegiate athletics straightfor-
wardly professional?

A: The best way to reform is to do away
with the NCAA and run collegiate sports
as subsidiary business enterprises not re-
lated to the univei academic mis-
i pay the athletes and don't re-
quire them to be students. If that's done
correctly, 1 suspect the athletic depart-

is a farce, but because other Di
schools compete for the blue-chip ath-
letes who have little college preparation,
the change will never occur unilaterally.
Just create a system that will allow us to
eliminate the hypocrisy.

WEST WING

(continued from page 82)
under her wing. She directed me in a lot
of plays in New York with a theater com-
pany she was running. Until then, I don't
think I wanted to admit what I wanted to
do, because I was afraid of failing at it.
There are so many clichés about acting.
"You're an actress? What restaurant do
you work at?" I used to lie and tell peo-
ple 1 was a photographer for National
Geographic. I'd say anything other than
that I was an actress because there wasn't
anything to show that I was an actress.
PLAYBOY: Your height is often mentioned
in articles about you.
JANNEY: It's а commitment.
PLAYBOY: A commi
ment?

JANNEY: Гап not Elle
Macpherson tall and
1 don't weigh 110, but
sometimes I just feel
huger than life. At
least in Hollywood.
In the theater I felt
my size helped me.
Sometimes I'm sure I
haven't gotten. parts
because of my height.
I like it most of the
time, though.
PLAYBOY: Do you take
pleasure in being re-
ferred to as “the think-
ing man’s pin-up"?
JANNEY: That stuff is
wild. I love it. I can't
get cnough of it. The
thought that I might
be in someone's lock-
er somewhere. It’s ex-
ting because that's
just not been my role
in this life at all. To
reach 40 and be seen
that way is great, but
I'm not going to pre-
tend that I believe it
for a second.

PLAYBOY: Richard, you
just returned from
filming a movie with
Al Pacino. Were you intimidated work-
ing with someone of his stature?

SCHIFF: He is my idol. I did City Hall with
him, too, but I never worked with him
directly scene to scene until now. It was
awesome. He's full, he's alive and any-
thing can happen. He is an artist who
was the greatest of his era. We don't have
much of a need for someone who actual-
ly bores into his own soul for the sake of
t. We don't have that in our culture
much these days. Mostly we have crap.
We gloss over everything. When the era
of the performance doesn't really matter,
touching the deepest part of your soul
during a take doesn't matter. It's abso-
lutely death to give a flying fuck whatany-
one thinks of what you're doing. But I

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with the director. I thought, Oh my God,
he hates my shit.

PLAYBOY: John, you worked on last season's
The West Wing while starring in a play.
I'll never do it again. It was
called Glimmer, Glimmer and Shine. 1 played
a junkie. 1 worked here and raced over
to the theater every night. By the 10th or
llth week it got pretty hairy. Afterward,
I felt like I needed a month in Barbados.
ould never do double duty again un-
1 found myself in this similar situa-
tion—material I cannot say no to. I was
lucky 1 was playing a dying junkie, be-
cause that's what I looked like.

PLAYBOY: Your character on The West
Wing is a recovering alcoholic, too. Was it

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written that way from the beginning?
SPENCER: 1 didn't know Leo was a recov-
ering alcoholic at first. I don't think Aar-
on knew. It came in at about the fourth
or fifth episode. Since I'm a recovering
alcoholic and I'm open about it, Гуе
been asked if it was based on my life ex-
perience. When I asked Aaron about it,
he said my recovery didn’t influence him
any more than his own.

PLAYBOY: Aaron, your recent arrest for
possession of drugs was widely reported.
What happened?

SORKIN: Last season was over, I turned in
my last script and I was going to go away
for the night. I was in rehab six years ago
for an every-day, all-the-time drug hal
It was six years later and I thought 1

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could have one potato chip. That’
was extremely embarrassing. Leg:
erything should work out, but now i
matter of crawling out from under a rock.
PLAYBOY: Others in this show are open
about recovery. Martin, your days of al-
cohol abuse are chronicled in Hearts of.
Darkness, the documentary about the
making of Apocalypse Now. What's it like
to watch it now?

SHEEN: The only way I can watch it is to
say, “That is who I was, not who I am."
PLAYBOY: Your son Charlie had a harrow-
ing experience with drugs. What was
the experience watching him after your
experience?

SHEEN: Terrifying. I'm very proud of
Charlie. As long as a friend or spouse or
child has a drug or al-
cohol problem, you
have a dishonest rela-
tionship. You're only
able to speak to the
drug. Only if they get
dean can you begin a
relationship. It took
his getting clean for
us to have an honest
relationship. Now it is
even and direct. He
has become my hero.
I know how hard it
is. We have a serious
problem in this coun-
try with addiction.
The 12 steps work.
It's the largest un-
derground spiritu-
al movement in the
world. We need spiri
tuality to counter the
great evil of addic-
tion. It is an evil
force. When con-

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abuse becomes intol-
erable because you
realize the cost.
PLAYBOY: There's lots
of talk about The West
Wing being entertainment, not politics.
But is there a hidden hope among you
that you might be able to change a mind
or two?

HILL: I wouldn't mind changing a mind or
two. Of course you want to touch people.
MOLONEY: It’s great to think we might stir
up some good debates.

JANNEY: 1 like the idea of stirring up
controversy.

SCHLAMME: It’s not necessarily my inter-
est to change people's way of thinking,
but the best art inspires people to think.
It’s what we're supposed to do as
PLAYBOY: But do you feel as if you could
influence your audienc
SPENCER: That's too awesome а respo
bility for me. I'm an entertainer.

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Lowe: You have to hope we're not influ-
encing events. It would be scary to think
that what we're doing here on Stage 23
is having any effect on the serious busi-
ness of running the country
PLAYBOY: But might there be a more sub-
tle impact? Apparently the number of peo-
ple who went into emergency medicine
shot up considerably because of ER. Might
you inspire a new wave of politicians?
SORKIN: That'd be great, though I don't
hope for anything from the show other
than to capture your attention for an
hour. I don't have a political or social
agenda.

PLAYBOY: Not even a little bit, Aaron?
SORKIN: It’s not what's going to make the
show good. The most important thing to
me is being a good writer.

CADDELL: I don't agree. Everyone around
here says this is just a TV show. But it's
not just a TV show. Why would people
spend more time watching something
that you could watch on the evening news
every night? People hate politics. They
come to this show because people want to
be uplifted. We forget that we don't live
by bread alone. This show taps into the
hearts of Americans. It’s about our spirit.
PLAYBOY: How about you, Martin? Do
you want to change minds?

SHEEN: You bet your ass. If it weren't
about this subject matter, I wouldn't be
interested, and I don't think anyone else
would be, either. My greatest fear was
that I would end up doing a meaningless
television series. My greatest joy is doing
this one.

SORKIN: If in the process good things
happen, I'm all for good things.

WELLS: I wouldn't mind if the show
helped people think politics might be
an honorable life. The pendulum has
swung much too far. Now, we are suspi
cious of anyone who chooses public ser
vice. If the show helps to allow it to be
OK again, that would be nice. It doesn't.
have to get cool again. If it makes it all
right for you to tell your friends that
you're in politics, it would be a great
thing.

JANNEY: The show makes it OK to feel
patriotic and I'm proud of that.

WELLS: The Kaiser Foundation has con-
that show
the primary source of health
ion for many people. The ex-
ception is a major health crisis about
which everybody is reading. If the show
brings up a new cancer treatment, peo-
ple ask their doctor about it. If there's a
show about the newest date-rape drug,
there is a rush to campus health centers
by people who may have been raped.
When you do a show that deals with real
issues like ER or The West Wing, you have
an additional responsibility. You can't be
glib about how you present issues. Aaron
does extensive research. We have doc-
tors on the set of ER and we have politi-
cal consultants on The West Wing and we
do a tremendous amount of fact check-

ing. So yes, it’s entertainment, but there
is a fine line. We take that responsibili
seriously.

SORKIN: Lots of times 1 don't start out
caring about an issue that much. Howev-
er, the way this works is that two people
in a room have to disagree about some-
thing. 1 don't care whether it's affirma-
tive action or the correct time of day.
They have to disagree or you're not go-
ing to get much of a scene. As a result,
1 look for things where there are two
strong arguments. Through the process
of writing, I'll start to give a damn.
SHEEN: If we can have an impact in the
course of our work as well as in the
course of the rest of our lives, we have
to do it. We can't continue as if nothing
is happening. There is a big-ass third
world where people are suffering. The
third world is on our streets now in ev-
ery major American city, too. They are
surprised that the census discovered
about a million Hispanics living under-
ground in Los Angeles alone! These ass-
holes have never focused on the pain
that's right under their noses. There are
the bastards making money off the suf-
fering of millions with illegal drugs
There are the bastards making money
off the addictions of people with pre-
scription drugs.

PLAYBOY: When will you be protesting
next?

SHEEN: Every day is a protest with me. [
don't have a specific agenda. I try to be
present. I put a voice, however small and
insignificant, on the voiceless and the
marginal. I just try for my own sake to be
present on social justice issues. Some-
times all you can do is stand there.

do you feel as if
you have made a difference?

SHEEN: Everything has gotten worse since
I started. Nothing has gotten any better.
isillusioned?

SHEEN: We have to do whatever we can to
tip the balance. I think it's real clear we
cannot depend on ourselves or the bet-
ter side of our nature. But God is pres-
ent in the universe. God is present in the
goodness we see every day. Define it
however you want—God is our humani-
ty when it rises up to do good. God is the
part of us that rises up against the evil
forces of addiction, greed, war, starva-
tion, hunger. There is more goodness
than there is darkness. There's more
light. We have grandchildren. We hurl
them into the future that we'll never see.
We have to be accountable, to do what-
ever we can to make the good win out
And that's the thing I've come to: I love
being alive, even with all the misery. The
only thing that pisses me off about get-
ting older is that 1 know it's eventually
going to end. The mystery is extraordi-
nary. It is extraordinary to have this
much fun and this much love and this
much consciousness.

eo ae‏ ا س د

3 Y 4
Hennessy. Міх accordingly. 4

PLAYBOY

156

FISHBOY

(continued from page 100)
my mother's car and had it detailed to
the bone. 1 went into what had been my
dad's closet and took out one of the suits
he had left behind. 1 had it pressed. 1
made my brother and my mother din-
ner, fixed her a drink and on my way
ghtened the pillow beneath
nd turned up the volume on
the television. "Wish me luck!” I said,
and I was off.

Emily walked out before I could get to
the door. She was wearing jeans and a
gray sweatshirt, her hair was held back
in a ponytail. She stopped in the drive-
way, looking concerned.

“I thought we were going roller-skat-
ing," she said.

] was a bit overcome, and because of
this, I couldn't do anything but stare.

“Will?” she said.

“I figured we might go into the city for
dinner.”

“I said I go roller-skating on Thur
days,” she said. “Are you wearing a suit

“What?” 1 said.

“I told you we were going to meet
some people,” she said. “Why are you
wearing that suit?"

"1 already made reservations," 1 said.
"I'll be out 50 bucks if we don't show up.”

She made a face, squinüng her eyes a

"Nice to meet you, Dick.

little in what was probably confusion. “I
guess 1 should go change,” she said, and
she turned around and walked back to-
ward the front door. “I really wish you
didn’t do that.”

“Sounds like a plan," I said.

We drove to the restaurant, a few miles
an hour under the limit and in the slow
lane for safety purposes, and everything
went extraordinarily well. We ate and
talked about school and the world. I
told her my dad was a somewhat godlike
patent attorney—whatever that was
and my mother was a freelance mı
biologist. I created a world for myself.
that was more hopeful than the one that
was currently developing. I told her I
was considering Harvard and Yale but
that I hadn't made up my mind yet.
While I was talking, 1 pictured the two of
us falling madly in love with each other
and raising a litter of happy little kids.
They'd have my blue eyes and her pink
complexion and absolutely no resem-
blance to my parents.

Eventually, because there was no way
around it, I had to take her home. She
thanked me and I burst from the car and
walked her up the driveway, and when
we were at the door she turned around
and— possibly feeling obliged to—pat-
ted my shoulder softly with her hand.
And then I made a grab for her breast
and tied to plant one on her neck, an

J like Dicks.”

act that served to fundamentally change
our relationship forever.

I went home and slammed the front
door loudly. I trudged upstairs and wrote
in my notepad, Dinner—exquisite. Grabbed
Emily's tit. Blew it. We dig our own holes. 1
wrote, and attributed the quote to Anony-
mous. I don't think I knew what it meant.
I thought she might eventually come
around, but she never did. 1 thought 1
could convince her to like me again, but
I never did. That night I lay on my bed
for a long time staring up at my fish
tank, and then I drove around looking
for my old man's car.

1 was coming up with a grand philoso-
phy that I normally believed wholeheart-
edly, and on my best days, at least half-
heartedly. It was that We live in a world
built on sorrow. That was the gist of it—it's
written that way in my notebook—and
I'm not sure exactly how I clarified it,
even internally, but 1 think the whole
thing had a lot to do with the way my
mother had been deteriorating in the
past few years. It made sense to me that
she had tapped into something sorrow-
ful and dangerous about the world and
wasn't finding her way out of it. I was
convinced that I was slowly tapping into
it myself.

When Emily wouldn't talk to me, I re-
sorted to strange manifestations of my
sorrow. 1 began calling her at odd hours
and asking her questions about sorrow
and ache. I'd ask her if one could be sure
of anything, really, in the world. Some-
times I would call and not say anything.

She had my number blocked and 1
started slipping poems into her locker,
poems filled with the most obvious and
dichéd love imagery, rhymes with words
like parlance and substance, and at the
end (after what could be 10 or 12 hand-
size notebook pages), the last stanzas
would inevitably grow darker, the flower
would die, the bird would mysteriously
fall from the sky or cked into a jet’s
engine, the beautifi
around without oxygen and die in the
throes of melancholy.

A few times I showed up at Ivar's Fish
Bar and ordered nothing but water. Га
say that I wished to be served by the
young blonde gal from the flier. She
would come out and pour my water si-
ently, without looking at me. The third
time I did this, 1 directed some loud and
obnoxious comments toward the rest of
the restaurant and 1 was banned for life.

1 spent a lot of time sitting with my
mother watching tele:
my room. And then one night
tucked my brother in, I lay in bed and
listened with my hands over my ears to
my mother throwing up in the bath-
room. I got up, went down into the ga-
rage and got my dad's ladder and I car-
ied it three blocks to "s cul-de-sac

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PLAYBOY

158

and into the backyard of the house fac-
ing hers. I set my ladder up on the back
patio and looked through the sliding
glass doors where a man and a woman
were sitting on their couch with the
lights on, watching television. 1 climbed
the ladder, slowly and very softly, and 1
crawled up the slope of the roof to the
top of the V, and then I scooted down
the other slope on my backside, inches at
a time, until I was at the edge, facing the
empty street and Emily's house, and
then, carefully, I put my toes against the
gutter and stood up. 1 yelled Emily's
name until her light wenton. She opened
the window and put her head out.
“Im going to jump! “I mean й
5 and she left
the window. More lights turned on in-
side. 1 opened and closed my hands. I
cleared my throat and waited. It was an

overcast night and I was sweating. In the
time between coming up with the idea in
my room and actually climbing onto the
roof, Га become very frightened. My
legs were shaking—they'd been shaking
fora long time. I had a strange feeling in
my stomach that was beyond simple fear,
something more solid, and I was afraid it
would make a sudden lunge and carry
me over the edge with it.

People were beginning to come out of
their houses and gather in the street.
Emily ran out in a pink bathrobe with
her parents close behind. I came close to
falling off the roof right there.

“What the hell are you doing?” she said.
There was something fearful in her voice.

“Nothing,” I said. My own voice was
shaking like crazy. “You look nice.”

“Don't move!” her mother said. “Don't
move! Someone's coming to get you

PLAYBOY COLLEGE

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down,” Emily's mother said. “Just stay
where you are.”

“1 didn’t know it was this high," I said.

I stayed exactly where I was. I waited,
and shortly the police came and a fire-
man climbed up after me and backed me
down. It took a long time.

The cops had me sit in their squad car
while they talked to Emily and her par-
ents, and then they got in and drove me
toward home. I turned around and
looked through the rear window as we
pulled away and 1 saw Emily and her
parents walk back toward their house,
her dad's hand on her back, and then
Emily, before going in herself, turned
for a second and watched us drive down
the street. There was something touch-
ing and romantic about that. I put my
hand up to the glass, like I'd seen i
movie. It was a movie where a fugitive
had been caught after a chase that had
lasted thousands of miles, across every
ocean in the world, and his girl tore her
clothes and wept and fell to the ground
as they were driving him away. I turned
around in my seat and listened. The
cops warned me to stay away from Emi-
ly. They said her parents were going a
little bit crazy with all of this, her dad es-
pecially, and it was time I stopped what I
was doing, for everyone's sake.

I warned them about m
fore we got to the door. I said she'd been
suffering from а bout of tinnitus and
wasn't feeling herself. She probably
wouldn't say anything, I said, and she
didn’t. She sat on the couch while they
explained everything, her neck craned
back against the cushion, and she stared
at the quiet television, sipping from a
glass. I satin a chair and looked from the
cops to my mother and back again. I
nodded my head to seem agreeable. Af-
ter they finished, they thanked her for
listening, and then they took me outside
to the front porch and told me they were
going to send someone from an agency
to come and see us, but 1
that everything
ways like this," I said. “She's just not feel-
ing well tonight.” And besides, I told them,
my dad would be home any minute.

Пиве be-

А few days later, Emily's mother called
and invited my parents and myself over
to their house. That afternoon Га re-
ceived the letter from the school in Ne-
braska asking me to come. I was flat-
tered that they wanted me and felt a
little bad that I'd have to reject their of-
fer. But for this reason, and moth-
n, 1 was in a definite wh
Шар mood. I put on my dad's suit and
slicked my hair back, then walked over.
1 explained, when I got to the house,
that my parents had been unexpectedly
called away on bu
sent thi
led me to a chair in their large living

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room. She stood leaning against one wall
and I sat on the chair facing Emily's dad,
running my finger over my eyebrows
nervously. The house was a palace, high
ceilings and paintings of litde kids on
the walls.

“Well?” he said.

“It’s nice to be here, sir," I said, look-
ing around. "So this is what it looks like
from the inside."

“Why don't you tell me why you won't
leave my daughter alone,” he said.

"Excuse me?" 1 said.

“You heard me."

"1 do leave her alone."

“I'm afraid you've got that wrong
there, pal," he said. He seemed much
larger than he had two nights before. He
was losing his hair in the front and it made
him look mean. I noticed his hands were
clenched like he had bottle caps in them
and was trying to imbed them in his
palms. I did that quite a bit, my:

"I'm afraid I don't understand," I said.

“I don't know where your parents are,
but let me tell you something," he said.
"I want to make it clear to you that this is
your last warning. If you come within 10
feet of her, I'll call the police. Quit call-
ing. stop writing her letters and stop all
your little fucking pranks. You're Boing
to get yourself killed," he said. "Take
that however you want.”

I thought this one over while I rubbed
my eyebrow. I was confused about the
direction the conversation had taken. I
wondered if Emily was upstairs. Her
mother came and sat down next to her
husband and leaned toward me. Her

arms were crossed in front of her stom-
ach and they pushed up her breasts. She
had the same green eyes as Emily, the
same color cheeks.

“Will,” she said. “You're not acting
normal."

“Lam acting normal," 1 said.
"No," she “You're not.”
“Lam,” Isa

“No. You're not.”

“This is just a bit offputting, Mrs. Swan-
son,” I said. “I have to admit, I thought
we were going to talk about something
different.”

“Will,” she said. “Listen. You have to
stop harassing Emily:

I looked at Emily's dad. He was lean-
ing back stiffly into the couch. “I'll cer-
tainly give it some thought,” I said.

"You're a sick little Кис!

“Frank,” his wife said.

“You don't have to insult me, Frank,”
T said.

But Frank was riled up. He opened
his hands wide. He leaned forward and
pointed a finger at me. “Look, you little
faggot,” he said, but he didn't finish. He
got up suddenly and went into the other
room. He walked over to the bar against
one wall, and began pouring himself
a drink.

I looked at Emily's mother for a sec-
ond. She was looking into the other
room, where her husband was. She
seemed concerned about him for some
reason. I looked at him, too.

"She's sleeping with Steve Yeiser, you
know," I said. "They do all sorts of sick
things together. I'm just telling you."

"Well! These ‘giving head’ shots are cerlainly more impressive
than ordinary head shots."

‘The glass dropped. Her dad came run-
ning at me. I saw it coming too late and
by the time 1 did see it, I tried to brace
myself against the couch cushion. I tried
to turn away from it, but by then he had
reeled back and knocked me across the
side of my face. There was a pop and the
world went blue. I rolled off the couch
and onto the floor. I held my jaw in my
hand. There was a loud, high-pitched
ringing sound, and I blinked my eyes to
keep from losing consciousness. 1 may
have, actually, for a second or two. Then
1 was on my back, looking up at the ceil-
ing. My soul was about to leave my body;
1 could taste it in my mouth. I put my
finger to my lips and it came back red
Two people were yelling at each other.
I made a noise in my chest and in my
throat, the sound of confusion.

Emily's mother was kneeling over me.

“God, he's bleeding," she said. "Get a
towel!”

“What?”

“Frank! Get him a towel! For Christ's
sake!”

“I'm leaving,” he said. And he left.

Something strange was happening
and I began to panic. My muscles con-
tracted, my body fened, my arms
stuck to my sides. “I can't move,” 1 said.
"I can't move!" I coughed into the car-
pet, rocking back and forth on my side.
Things felt like they were tearing. I
couldn't move and I kept yelling that 1
couldn't and Emily's mother kept yelling
at me that I was fine.

"You can move!" she said.

“I can't" I said.

" And I couldn't.

Of course, alter а few seconds, I could.
She gave me a bag of frozen peas to put
on my face. I kept saying that I didn't
know what had gotten into Frank. 1
stressed that I had just been sitting there
peacefully, minding my own business. I
wondered what my own dad was doing.
1 hadn't seen him in a long time. I won-
dered if Emily had heard all the commo-
tion. Her mother helped me to her car, 1
put an arm over her thin shoulder for
balance, and she drove toward my house.

Now the world was veiled in blue and
it was blurry. The lights in the houses
seemed to pulsate rapidly. 1 could hear
them moving, a high-pitched whir, and I
wondered if the crack in the jaw Frank
had given me had somehow scrambled
equencies. Some of these lights
emitted a faint but constant beeping
sound that I could hear from the passen-
ger seat

"Can you hear that?" 1 asked.
“I should probably talk to your moth-
er," Emily's mother said.

I didn't think this sounded like a
good idea.

"She's asleep,” I said. “I'l tell her about
it tomorrow. We probably won't sue.”

We didn't have peas, so I took a bag of

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corn from our freezer and iced my
on the bed. My angelfish floated qui
in her corner of the tank. The feeder fish
swam around and bumped into each
other. The bruise on my chin had turned
into an almost breathtakingly beautiful
swirl of blue and gray, but it was killing
me. I closed my eyes.

Noise from the street woke me up,
glass breaking and a series of thuds. Пау
still for a second and then 1 got up and
ran to the window. A man jumped into a
big white car in the middle of the street
and quickly drove away. I stuck my head
out and tried to see the license plate, but
he was driving too fast. He went around
the corner and was gone

I grabbed my notebook, put on my
jacket and went downstairs. The tele-
vision was on with the volume turned up
loud. My mother was passed out on the
couch, Her mouth was open and she was
snoring. She looked uncomfortable. 1
put my hand up to my jaw. It ached.

My little brother put his head over the
railing and looked down onto the living
room.

“What is it?” he asked.

I looked up. "Nothing bad hap-
pened,” I said. “Go back to bed."

“I heard something.”

“It vas just the wind. Go get in bed."

“Is Mom all right?

"She's fine,” I said.

1 turned the volume down and went
outside and walked out to the car. I
looked at my house and at the houses
down the block. Most of them were dark
at this time of night. 1 looked at the sky,
at the grass. I looked everywhere except
in the direction of my mother's car. I
idn't want to look at it until the last pos-
sible moment, but pretty soon I had my
hands against it and was forced to.

There were shards of glass and red
plastic on the ground. Both rear lights
had been knocked out. I wrote this in my
notepad: Both rear lights out. Have been
shattered. 1 went around to the front, run-
ning my hand over the top. Top damaged,
I wrote. Looks as if someone took heavy object
and swung with grt. force. Paint and frame
damage. Headlights out. Windshld and other
mnr. structure damage.

After I had made my assessment, I
walked back into the house and then
straight into the garage, where I picked
up the first blunt instrument 1 could
find, which was a shovel. I walked out-
side to the car, to the passenger door,
and I swung the shovel as hard as 1
could. A terrible metallic sound fled
down the street, through the rows of
houses, and when I looked, the door was
dented so totally I'd never again get
it open.

I went inside and put a blanket over
my mother and took her glass and put it
in the dishwasher. 1 turned off the televi.
sion and all the lights downstairs. 1 lis-
tened to her sleep for a while. Then I
went up into my room and on a piece of

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PLAYBOY

162

notebook paper I wrote a letter to the
school in Nebraska, asking if they of-
fered classes in fisheries. 1 told them I
sincerely hoped that they did and that I
would be waiting eagerly, on the edge of
my seat, for their reply.

A few weeks later I graduated. I spent
the summer mowing lawns around the
neighborhood. My dad called one night
and apologized for not making it to my
ceremony. I hadn't gone myself, but I
didn't tell him that. He said he was
proud I'd been accepted into the school
in Nebraska and that he'd be honored to
drive me there. Since 1 hadn't yet fig-
ured how I was going to get there, I told
him I could cancel my plans and go with
him instead, under the condition that
he'd make sure my mother and my broth-
er were taken care of and given regu-
lar meals.

One of the original five goldfish in
my tank died around this time. There'd
been no warning signs. They had all
seemed to be living normal and satisfac-
tory lives. I found him dried out and
bug-eyed on the carpet below the tank—

for some reason he'd jumped ship. I put
him in a plastic film container and my
brother and 1 held a service in the back-
yard. I said a few words and then we
buried him about six inches beneath the
beauty bark.

Aftera weck of steady icing, my bruisc
had gone away, but I had continued cold
compresses for a few more days in case
of long-term damage beneath the sur-
face. I kept my mother's car parked on
the side of the house and rarely drove it.
Suill, 1 washed it every Tuesday. 1 made
sure the house was always clean and in
good shape in case—although I never
for a second believed it might happen—
Emily might stop by one of these nights.

But she didn't and pretty soon it was
time to go. The morning of our depar-
ture, I walked my brother to Winchell's
and bought him breakfast. I told him ev-
erything I'd learned about the world,
which wasn't much, People might let you
down, I said, but don't let it worry you.
You're not crazy, 1 told him. You're not
even close to crazy.

I put my hand on his shoulder and
told him he was the man of the house
now, which meant he was going to have

“Poe been president of our student body for three months now,
and I haven't even received so much as a lousy hand job.
Politics just isn't what it's cracked up to be."

to take care of the old lady. He accepted
this task with as much solemnity and tact
as could be expected from an eight-year-
old. He nodded his little head and took
smaller bites from his doughnut,

My dad showed up at the house in the
afternoon, and he and my brother load-
ed the car. | wandered around the living
room picking up various things from
various tables and inspecting them, and
then I sat down across from my mother.

“I guess this is it,” I said. 1 stood and
stretched my arms above my head, then
sat down again. “I don't have to go.”

Then my mother did something un-
customary. She made a gesture that I
would think about a lot from then on.
She closed her lips tight and tilted her
head. She ran her hand to the top of her
head and took a handful of hair between
her fingers and squeezed hard. She
looked at me then, and there was some-
thing sorrowful, heartbroken and search-
ing in her expression. That is to say,
she was asking me—she wasn't saying
anything—but she was asking me how
things could have turned out the way
they had, how what should have been a
pleasant life could have taken so many
unfortunate turns, and it's occurring to
me now—1 almost shouldn't say it—that
it has been difficult for me to love any-
one more than I loved her right then.

I stopped going to class after the sec-
ond day. Fisheries 101, I found, was not
the true source of all knowledge. The
professor was interested in discussing
ecosystems, water resources and pollu-
tion, river management, molecular ge-
netics, marine environment, stock sepa-
ration techniques and so forth. He was
not interested, as far as I could tell, in
answering the essential questions: why
in schools, for example, or how
im or breathe at all.
was terribly disappointing. 1
stayed in bed the entire third day and
didn't leave the basement. I started
spending my time in the student center
drinking Cokes and playing pinball and
video games, watching people bowl on
the three-lane alley. One night I fell in
with a group of cowboys who had come
from an even smaller Nebraska town to
take jobs in the school cafeteria, which
was located in the same building. They
needed an extra man for bowling and
one of them asked me if I wanted to play.
I said I did. I sat at the scorer's table
and every time my partner would even
glance a pin, I would congratulate him
on a masterful throw and try to give him
high fives. Afterward they all got in a car
and left me in the parking lot to walk
home in the dark.

Later, I was g at my kitchen table
drinking a pop. People were yelling and
laughing in the street outside. I went
out, walked up the steps and over to the

front porch and sat down. I put my head
on my arms. I felt, I might have said,
bound by sorrow. I missed my mother
and my brother and my old man. 1
missed Emily. I went back down inside
and took the Fish Bar flier out from un-
der the bed and then I took my notepad
and decided to call her. I would ask her
to come to Nebraska and live with me.
I would beg her to come. I would apol-
ogize for the terrible things I'd done.
1 would tell her I was in love with her.
I would tell her my heart was breaking. 1
would get on my knees and tell her I was
falling apart. 1 would say I couldn't live
without her and she would tell me—I
hoped she would tell me—that she'd
been waiting for a long time to hear me
say it like that, that she would be on the
first plane in the morning.

She answered after the first ring. The
television was going in the background.
Acrowd was laughing about something.

“Please don't bang up,” I said.
in," she said.

"I'm not going to do

anything.”

“I'm getting my dad,” she said.

"I'm not gonna do anything!"

“Please just leave me alone.”

“Your dad punched me in the facc,” 1
said. I don't know why 1 mentioned this,
other than she wasn't reacting to my call
in the way that I'd expected.

“I'm hanging up," she said.

“Let me ask you a question

"m hanging up. Goodbye.
hat's funny,” 1 said. “That's a joke,
right?

“You need help,” she said, and then
she hung up.

"1 do need help,” I said. "I know

I put on my shoes and splashed my
face with water. 1 put a fresh Band-Aid
on my cold sore. Then I walked out into
the darkness. I wandered toward the
fields outside of town and down a series
of narrow roads. 1 didn't know where 1
was going, but I thought for some rea-
son that what I needed to do was walk,
or maybe that 1 needed to start walking.

Г whistled, but just listening hurt my
heart. | kept walking, and in rural
towns, those roads can turn around on
you and you find yourself devoid of di-
rection, and if you have never been good
with direction in the first place, you can
find yourself in a lot of trouble, which,
after the third hour of wandering, I was
ready to admit.

Clouds had come and covered the
stars; they had, it seemed, removed the
sky. Га walked out into the darkness and
gotten lost in it. 1 was alone in Nebraska.
I wasn't studying fish. I wasn't going to
class. I had no one who knew me by name.

The road forked and I stopped. The
hills rolled away from the fences on ci-
side. Two rows of radio towers stood
off in the distance on the horizon, red
lights blinking in separate rhythms. The

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164

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Page 46: “Ghost Tech Gear”:
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radio from Power Brands, 800-200-7700.
Basketball by Spalding, 800-772-5346.
Necktie by Best Made Designs, 866-773-
2677. DJ system by Genini, 800-554-1995.
Board game by VannPire Inc., www.bulyah.
com. Oxygen spa by Oxygen Delivery Sys-
tems, 800-358-3852. Bottled water from
Glaceau, 718-746-0087, ext. 15. Laminator
by Esselte, 800-645-6051. Barstool from
Playboy, playboystore.com. Cabin trolley

by Rimowa, rimowa.com

BACK TO CAMPUS

Pages 124-125: Shirt, bomber jacket,
sweater, leather jacket and pants by Hugo
Boss, 800-HUGO BOSS. Shoes by Skechers,
skechers.com. Turtleneck, jacket, pants,
car coat and sweater by Trend Corneliani,
800-222-9477. Shoes by Cole-Haan, cole
haan.com. Suede jacket by Joop, joop.com.
Knit jacket by Diesel, diesel.com. Turtle-

BUY

neck, jacket and cords by
NY Based, nybased.com.
Page 126: Jacket and jeans
by Hugo Boss, 800-1UGO-
BOSS. Watch by Swatch,
swatch.com. Shoes by CAT,
catfootwear.com. Leather
jacket, polo shirt and jeans
by Axis, axisclothing.com.
Vest by Richmond Denim, 310-
300-8601. Leather pants by
Tommy Jeans, 800-866-6029.
Shoes by Stuart Weitzman,
stuartweitzman.com. Page
127: Outfit by Ben Sherman, bensherman
usa.com. Shirt and jean jacket by Allen
Schwartz, absstyle.com. Jeans by Earl, earl
jean.com. Shirt by Woolrich, woolrich.com.
Khakis by Bills Khakis, 212-581-8270.
Shirt and sweater by Paul Stuart, paulstu.
art.com. Jeans by Lucky Brand, luckybrand
jeans.com. Shoes by New Balance, newbal
ance.com. Pantsuit by Richmond Denim,
310-300-8601. Shoes by DKNY, 800-231-
0884. Shirt by Burma Bibas, burmabibas.
com. Jeans by Gap, gap.com. Page 128:
T-shirt by CK Calm Klein, 800-294-7978.
Thermal shirt, khakis, T-shirt, rugby
shirt and pants by Tommy Jeans, 800-866-
6922. Sneakers by Puma, puma.com. Rug-
by shirt by Gap, gap.com. Pants and
sweatshirt by Avirex, 800-2-AVIREX. Cords
by Richmond Denim, 310-300-8601. Sweat-
shirt, T-shirt and pants by Ocean Pacific,
opmag.com. Sneakers by CAT, catfoot
wear.com. Page 129: T-shirt by DKNY,
800-231-0884. Jeans by Diesel, diesel.com.
Boots by CAT, catfootwear.com. Dress by
BCBG Max Azria, bcbg.com. Dress by DG
Dolce and Gabanna, 877-703-4872. Boxers
by Jockey, 866-2-JOCKEY. T-shirt and un-
derwear by 2(x)ist, 2xist.com.

ON THE SCENE

Page 183: "Poker Night’: Humidor, table
light, cigar cutter, ashtray and cigars
from Up Down Tobacco Shop, 1550 N. Wells,
Chicago, 800-587-3696. Poker table from
Sydney Laner, 5315 N. Lincoln Ave., Chi-
cago, www.lanerpooltables.com. Poker
carousel, chips, cards and books from
Gamblers General Store, 800 8. Main St., Las
Vegas, 800-322-2447. Glasses from Pottery
Barn, 800-922-5507.

Milky Way stretched behind them like a
thin, tired cloud, like the rim of a great
big bowl. It was an enormous universe.
The wind was picking up. I was tired.
My feet hurt. My shirt was wet. My jaw
ached. I stared at the towers, at the
lights. I watched them blink. And then I
had a vision.

In the vision, 1 looked down on myself.
as if a camera were suspended above my
head. It started with a shot of the inside
of my ear and then it slowly pulled back
and I saw my cheek and the side of my
face and my closed eyes and my hair and
my neck, and soon I could see most of
my body, myself, curled up on the side of
a road with my head resting on my hands
like someone either dead or asleep. My
jeans were rolled up past my knees and
my legs were bare. And as the camera
pulled back farther, higher, I saw a car—
a mid-Eighties sedan, I think—idling
quietly on the road beside me with its
headlights on. Then the vision was over
and I was lefi with the lights on the tow-
er blinking in rhythm again.

I didn't see any other option than to
lie down. I curled up on my side in a
patch of cool grass next to the road and
put my head on my hands. I stayed
there, eyes closed, listening, and waited.

Soon 1 heard a car approach and stop
next to me. I felt two people come and
stand next to me, one on each side. One
of them bent down and said something
in my ear that I didn't understand, and
then softly, gently, removed my arms
and my nose. The other pulled off my
ears, then unzipped my pants and pulled
off my dick. They bent down on either
side of me and spoke into my ears, or what
had been my ears—the holes that were
there. They cach said something that 1
didn't understand with voices I didn't
understand, and my eyes filled and 1
started crying, because I knew some-
thing, or my heart knew something—or
the answer to something, and when you
know the answer, it hurts terribly.

They got back in the car and another
door opened and someone got out. He
walked over. He crouched down next to
me. I kept crying and didn't think to stop.
He spoke words, and pulled my legs off.

I could feel my skin harden and emit a
mucous membrane that covered up ev-
ery hole; where my nostrils had been,
the holes that were my ears, every open-
ing but my mouth. My lungs tightened
in my chest and shriveled up. I start-
ed gagging, my throat constricted and I
coughed my lungs up out of my mouth.
1 flopped in the gra Лу at first, not
breathing, and then, with every second,
more and more furiously, more violent-
ly and painfully, the sky and what was in
it a blurry mess above my head, and 1
knew, 1 absolutely knew, that unless some-
one came and got me to water soon—
within scconds—1 would di

A door closed and the car drove away.
Soon I lay still. The ground was ha

underneath me. Something wet fell on
my face. The sky opened, spread rain all
over the ground.

Maybe not. But I remember clearly
that it took a little while to recognize that
I was there, somewhere, in between.

Га like to say that I sucked it up, that
1 made the best of a bad situation and
went back to class and got my degree in
fisheries, that my mother came out of
her funk and joined a choir and filled
the church every Sunday morning with
glorious praise. I'd like to say that my
dad moved back in and built a sunroom,
and that everything turned out all right.
I'd like to say these things, but they
wouldn't be truc. My mother, in fact,
never came around, and the old man
lives across the country and I haven't
spoken to him in a long time. From what
my brother tells me, he's doing well.

But the other evening, 1 was sitting at
the kitchen table, drinking a beer, and 1
looked out the back window and the sun
was almost down, the sky was blue and
pink and there was my wife, a beautiful
woman, walking up and down the patio
in her jogging suit, skimming the pool.
She ran the skimmer over the top, strug-
gling a bit, collecting leaves and pine
needles from the surface, and then she
lifted that long unwieldy pole and, al-
most gracefully, dumped the net into the
trashcan. She seemed to know that she
was being watched; she tensed a little,
looked up and back at the house, low-
ered her head and saw me, across the
pool. on the other side of the window.
She smiled, rolled her eyes, brushed her
hair out of her face and went back to
skimming.

Му mind felt very light and I lifted my
hands from the table. I felt a strong tin-
gling sensation in my legs. The floor be-
gan to shake and it occurred to me in
that moment that if a runaway train
were right then breaking from its tracks
ata speed of more than 100 miles an
hour, was headed for my wife while she
stood there skimming the pool, dump-
ing the basket, running it over the sur-
face again; if the train were coming for
her right then—and I knew she wouldn't
see it—while I might wait a second or
1wo longer than 1 should, when the
shadow was to fall across her face, I knew
that I would stand up. I would leap from
my chair and burst through the door. I
would run to her and push her aside.
And I would tell her, if there was time, of
course, and I could find the words, I'm
always glad to help.

Runners-up in the 2001 contest are Joshua
Furst (also of Iowa Writer's Workshop) for
“Mercy Fuck," Emily Raboteau (of New York
University) for "Bernie and Me" and Jess
Row (of the University of Michigan) for "The
Train to Lo Wu.”

BUZZ
(continued from page 150)

BEST UNDERGROUND RAVE
Budapest
BEST D) PARTY

Glasgow School of Art, student union,
Glasgow

WHERE TO PARTY 24/7

Khao San Road, Bangkok
DISCO CAPITAL OF THE LEVANT
Bodrum, Turkey
WHERE TO DRINK ABSINTHE LEGALLY

Bar Kentucky, Barcelona

WHERE TO GET HIGH
Melkweg, Amsterdam
Christiana, Copenhagen

BEST GRUB

Country Life, Prague
Tunnel, Vienna
Gandhi, Budapest

Wagamama, London

FREE EATS

The Old Fashion Cafe, International
Student Night, Wednesdays, Milan

WHERE TO HEAR THE FAT LADY SING
Staatsoper, Vienna
WHERE TO PARTY YOUR ASS OFF

Barril 1800, Ipanema, Rio
The Bermuda Triangle, Vienna
Aufsturz, Berlin

Ministry of Sound, London
Tigh Neachtain’s, Galway

Rex Club, Paris

Junction Bar, Berlin

Ri-Rä, Dublin

Radost FX, Prague
Club Bonden, Stockholm
The Drunken Ship, Rome

BEST PEOPLE WATCHING

Flohmarkt, Vienna
El Rastro, Madrid
Brick Lane, London

ASSES THAT WOULD MARE J. LO WEEP
Coogee Bay Beach, Sydney
Itacoatiara beach, Niterói, Brazil
HOTTEST TOPLESS SUNBATHERS
Marmaris seaside resort, Turkey
DEST PLACE TO TRIP

Parc Güell, Barcelona, gaudy Gaudí
sculpture

WHE

ГО LAUGH AT THE FALL
OF COMMUNISM

Szoborpark, Budapest, the gravcyard
of Communist statuary

BEST WEEKEND GETAWAYS

Freiburg to the Route du Vin—chou-
croute in Alsacian wine country

Florence to the Cinque Terre—biking,
hiking, ocean views

Galway to Doolin—traditional music,

Jerusalem to Fin Gedi—float in the
Dead Sea, have a mud bath and hike the
Judean Hills

WHERE TO FIND YOUR BETTER HALF
The Love Parade, Berlin

IT SEEMS OBVIOUS, BUT DON'T FORGET

You must have an international stu-
dent ID card as well as insurance. Go to
Council Travel (counciltravel.com) or
STA Travel (statravel.com).

“Like it? It's Tommy Hilfiger—appropriate for men or women."

165

TEATRO Y

166

PIGSKIN PREVIEw

(continued from page 104)
front seven will miss middle linebacker
Dan Morgan, but there is still plenty of
talent and depth. Davis’ departure hit
the team hard but could provide a moti-
vational jolt. 11-0

(2) TEXAS

Mack Brown identified three glaring
weaknesses in the Longhorn program
when he took over three years ago: not
enough blue-chip players, not enough
depth and soft defense. He has ad-
dressed them all and led Texas to three
consecutive nine~ seasons. A second
straight top-five recruiting class keeps
Texas brimming with talent. Brown has
anointed Chris Simms, son of NFL great
Phil Simms, his starting quarterback, rel-
egating 1999 co-Big 12 Offensive Player
of the Year Major Applewhite to backup.
With talented third-stringer Chance
Mock waiting in the wings, Texas has
more quality and depth at the critical
QB position than any other team in the
nation. The defense, under coordinator

Carl Reese, returns eight starters after
posting back-to-back top 10 finishes in
total D. Playboy All-America Quentin
Jammer is one of the nation's premier
defensive players. Roy Williams and B.].
Johnson are explosive receivers. Red-
shirt freshman Sneezy Beltran (not onc
of the seven dwarfs) will try to fill the
shoes of versatile two-time All-Big 12
running back Hodges Mitchell. With
the Longhorns’ rivalry against nemesis
Oklahoma revived, the traditional battle
in Dallas on October 6 looms large. 10-1

(3) FLORIDA

Steve Spurrier has led the Gators to at
least nine wins in each of the 11 years he
has been head coach in Gainesville. One
reason is that Spurrier knows how to
coach quarterbacks. Florida has passed
for $80 touchdowns since 1990, 76 more
than any other school in the nation.
With two outstanding quarterbacks in
sophomores Rex Grossman and Brock
Berlin (1999 National Prep Player of the
Year), the Gators will continue to ring up
points via the pass, especially with re-

“I hate it when I pronounce them dead and then she brings
them back to life again.”

ceivers such as Playboy All-Ameri
Gaffney and Reche Caldwell. Howev
Florida is to win another national cham-
pionship under Spurrier, it will be the
defense that makes the difference. Two-
time Playboy All-America Alex Brown
may be the best defensive end in college
ball. The return of Andra Davis, who
missed almost all of last season after in-
juring his knee in the first game, will make
fellow linebacker Travis Carroll even
more effective. Placekicker Jeff Chandler
is a major asset in tight games. Spurrier
wasn't happy with three losses last sea-
son, but Florida was young. They're more
experienced this season and Spurrier's
goals are accordingly higher. 10-1

U) OREGO!

The Beavers punctuated their Pac 10
championship season last year by trounc-
ing Notre Dame 41-9 in the Fiesta Bowl.
Coach Dennis Erickson is not about to
let his team rest on its laurels. “Our ex-
pectations are the same as when I came
here: Win the Pac 10 championship and
go to a bowl game.” With skill returning
on the offensive side and tons of speed
on defense, those expectations appear
reali: OSU has two of the country's
best tailbacks in Ken Simonton and Pat
rick McCall. Quarterback should be steady
with the return of three-year starter Jon-

smith, There are big bodies up
front in Keith DiDomenico (guard) and
Chri n (center). While Erickson
loses his two speed-rushing defensive
ends from last year, Playboy All-America
linebacker James Allen will bottle up the
middle. Erickson calls Allen “as good as
there is in the Pac 10." Junior D back
Playboy All-America Dennis Weathersby
is one of the г

vers inter-

10-1

(5) NEBRASKA

The Alamo Bowl isn't exactly the post-
season game Nebraska fans are accus-
tomed to—even if the Huskers looked
like men over boys in their 66-17
playing Northwestern. And coach Frank
Solich won't feel comfortable in Tom Os-
borne's large shoes (three national
in his final four seasons) until Nebr
can at least blitz the Big 12 North Divi-
sion and win a conference title game.
Despite losing 14 starters, including All-
America Carlos Polk, wingback Bobby
Newcombe and powerful running backs
and offensive linemen, Nebraska will, as
usual, be deep and talented. Quarter-
back Eric Crouch returns to run the
m at tight end
Fonoti ауе Volk anchor-
ing the offensive line. The Husker run-
ning attack is always lethal, but it re-
mains to be seen whether Solich с
develop a passing game that will make
Nebraska more flexible against better
opponents who stack against the run.
Nebraska finished last in the league in
ng offense, and that's not enough to

sweep the conference these days. Eight
home games, however, are a distinct Hus-
ker advantage 10-2

(6) FLORIDA STX

If you are one of the ACC teams that
has to [ace all-powerful Florida State sea-
son after season, you'll be licking your
chops in anticipation of meeting the
Seminoles this year. Not that Bobby
Bowden and his boys won't be good. But
they're not likely to be the dominating
team they've been the past decade, a
span that included two national champi-
onships and 10 of the team's 14 top-five
finishes, Reason: inexperience, especial-
ly at quarterback. Heisman Trophy win-
ner Chris Weinke managed to finish col-
lege before his 30th birthday, leaving
untested redshirt Chris Rix and wide
receiver Anquan Boldin (who hasn't
played QB since high school) battling

REST OF

QUARTERBACKS: Jason Thomas (UNLV),
Ken Dorsey (Miami), Dave Ragone (Louisville),
Eric Crouch (Nebraska), Zak Kustok (North-
western), Carson Palmer (USC), Kurt Kitiner
{Illinois}, Byron Leftwich (Marshall).

RUNNING BACKS: Ken Simonton (Oregon
State), Lee Suggs (Virginia Tech), Deonce
Whitaker (San Jose State), Ladell Betts [lo-
wal, Sultan McCullough (USC), Chester Taylor
(Toledo), DeShaun Foster (UCLA), Antwoine
Womack (Virginia), Brandon Payne (Akron),
Julius Jones (Notre Dame}, Cedric Cobbs
(Arkansas),

WIDE RECEIVERS: Ron Johnson (Minneso-
ta), Terrence Edwards (Georgia), Freddie Mi-
lons (Alabama), Brian Poli-Dixon (UCLA), Ryan
Fleming (Air Force), Todd Elstrom (Washing-
Топ), Kareem Kelly (USC), Lee Mays (UTEP),
Cliff Russell (Utah), Deion Branch (Louisville),
David Givers (Notre Dame).

TIGHT ENDS: Jerramy Stevens [Washing-
ton), L.J. Smith (Rutgers), Tim Stratton (Pur.
due}, Tracey Wistrom (Nebraska], Daniel Gra-
ham (Colorado), Darnell Sanders (Ohio State),
Derek Smith (Kentucky), Chris Baker (Michi-
gan State}, Jeremy Shockey (Miami), Terry
Jones (Alabama).

OFFENSIVE LINEMEN: Frank Romero (Okla-
һота), Joaquin Gonzalez (Miami), Adam Gold-
berg (Wyoming), Jon Stinchcomb (Georgia),
Chris Fe'esago (San Jose State), Doug Kaufusi
(Utah), Evan Routzahn (Virginia), Luke Butkus
ІШіноіз), Michael Collins (Wake Forest), An-
dre Gurode (Colorado), Brett Williams (Florida.
State], Vince Manuwai (Hawaii), Chris Gibson
(Oregon State), Mike Pearson (Florida), Fred
Weary (Tennessee), Marc Colombo (Boston
College), Trey Darilek (UTEP), Jeff Faine [No-
tre Dame}, Scott Peters (Arizona State), Victor
Payne (TCU).

DEFENSIVE LINEMEN: Larry Tripplett
(Washington), Anthony Weaver, Grant Irons
{Notre Dame}, Bryan Knight (Pittsburgh), An-

THE BEST

for the number one QB spot. Adding to
preacher Bowden's problems, only four
other starters from last season's 11-2
squad return, and offensive coordinator
Mark Richt resigned to take over as head
coach at Georgia. Bowden kept things all
in the family by naming son Jeff to take
Richt's place. The Seminoles defense is
usually good enough to keep the team
in the top four all by themselves, but
they've lost seven quality starters as well
Don't get us wrong. There is lots of tal-
ent here. But, for this season, it's possi-
ble the Seminoles can be had. 9-2

(7) OKLAHOMA

Now we know how long it takes to
wake a sleeping giant: a mere two sea-
sons for Bob Stoops, who led the Soon-
ers to their first national championship
since one of Barry Switzer's bad-boy
teams last turned the trick in 1985. Evi-

twan Peek (Cincinnati), Brian Johnson (New
Mexico}, Kenyon Coleman (UCLA), David Pugh
(Virginia Tech), Akin Ayodele (Purdue), Greg
Gathers (Georgia Tech), Dwight Freeney (5уга-
cuse), Garrett Smith (Utah), Will Overstreet
{Tennessee}, Mike Collins (Ohio State), Wil
Beck (Idaho), Josh Shaw (Michigan State),
Brandon Hicks (Bowling Green State), Duane
Williams (Buffalo), Alan Harper (Fresno
State), Aaron Kampman {lowa}.

LINEBACKERS: Ben Taylor (Virginia Tech],
Bradley Jennings (Florida State), Josh Thorn-
hill (Michigan State], Levar Fisher (North
Carolina State}, Ben Leber [Kansas State],
Saleem Rasheed [Alabama], Eddie Strong
Mississippi], Larry Foote (Michigan), Rocky
Boiman (Notre Dame), Rod Davis (Southern
Mississippi), Mario Haggan (Mississippi
State), Taylor Suman (Temple), Clifton Smith
(Syracuse), Max Yates (Marshall), Brad Kas-
sell (North Texas], Jashon Sykes (Colorado).

DEFENSIVE BACKS: Anthony Floyd (Louis-
ville), Rashad Bauman (Oregon), Keyuo Cra-
ver [Nebraska], Mike Doss, Andre Lott (Ten-
nesseel, Derrick Strait (Oklahoma), Mike
Echols (Wisconsin), Chris Hope (Florida
State), Tim Wansley (Georgia), Marques An-
derson (UCLA), Janssen Patton (Bowling
Green State), Al Rich (Wyoming), Lito Shep-
pard (Florida).

KICK RETURNERS: André Davis (Virginia
Tech), Pete Rebstock (Colorado State), Kel-
ly Campbell (Georgia Tech], LaTarence Dun-
bar (TCU).

PLACEKICKERS: Dan Nystrom (Minnesota),
Luke Manget (Georgia Tech), Alex Walls (Ten-
nessee}, Jeff Chandler (Florida), Hayden Ep-
stein (Michigan).

'UNTERS: Casey Roussel (Tulane), Steve
5 (Utah State), Travis Hale (Rice),
Brooks Barnard (Maryland), Freddie Cap-
shaw (Miami), Damon Duval (Auburn), Mike
Abrams [Virginia].

dently, good coaching does make a dif-
ference. Another difference was quarter-
back Josh Heupel, whose leadership and
mistake-free play frustrated opposing
defenses right through Oklahoma's 13-2
Orange Bowl win over Florida State.
With Heupel graduated, Stoops will
have to work his wonders with an inex-
perienced quarterback this season. Ju-
nior Nate Hybl has completed just nine
passes in his collegiate quarterbacking
career, which is nine more than anyone
else on Stoops’ roster. Running back
Quentin Griffin will get the call early
and often. The Sooners’ defense should
be even better with Playboy All-America
linebacker Rocky Calmus leading the
way. Oklahoma might have been the on-
ly team to go through the entire season
last year without a single significant in

jury. Stoops hopes the law of averages
doesn't catch up with his crew. 9-3

(8) VIRGINIA TECH

Coach Frank Beamer would have
loved it if quarterback Michael Vick had
stuck around for one more season. But
Beamer and the Hokies can take solace
in two consecutive 11-win seasons and a
pair of top 10 finishes. "When a young
man has a chance to be a number one
pick in the NFL, there's not much you
can say except congratulations and good
luck,” says Beamer. And Beamer knows
his program can compete against the na-
tion's elite even with the loss of Vick and
most of the starting offensive line. At the
quarterback spot, junior Grant Noel has
an edge over redshirt freshman Jason
Davis going into the season. The new of-
fensive line lacks experience but not size
with Anthony Davis (64", 314 pounds)
and Jon Dunn (still a growing redshirt
freshman at 67^, 320 pounds) ready to
push people out of the way. Talented
tailback Lee Suggs will do the heavy lift-
ing until the new boys on the block find
their game legs. The Hokies defense, led
by linebacker Ben Taylor, will be as
cious as ever, Return man André Da:
one of the best.

(9) OREGON

What's this? Two teams from Oregon
in the top 10? While Dennis Erickson
and the Oregon State Beavers were vin-
ning 11 games up the road, coach Mike
Bellotti and the Oregon Ducks posted a
10-win season that included a surprising
35-30 win over Texas in the Holiday
Bowl. With the return of eight offensive
starters—including Playboy All-America
quarterback Joey Harrington and tail-
back Maui Morris—the Ducks should
meet or exceed their point production
from last year. Bellotti is focused on de-
fense. where only one player from last
season's front seven is back. But then
Bellotti had only three defensive start-
ers returning last year. Oregon lost twice
last season—to Wisconsin and in-state

val Oregon State, both on the road. The 187

of a stream, as a center pole for a tarp, or as protection”;
J . against a bear that's after the munchies in your batKpack

for a grip. Use your new walking stick to check the depth.

up to your hip, strip off the bark, then cut grooves in the end

) Walk tall and carry a big stick: Find a branch that comes

Introducing Sequoia.
Twist-off lid. Air lock can.
Two unique flavors.

Let someone else climb
e the corporate ladder.

BEAT SOF

170

and close the
games are in Eugene.

(10) NORTHWESTERN:

The Wildcats simply shouldn't be post-
ing winning seasons, grabbing shares of
the Big Ten championship or gallivant-
ing off to bowl games. The academic
admissions standards are too restrictive,
the school is too small, there are too many
traditional football powerhouses in the
conference. Sure, there was that aberra-
tion under glamour boy Gary Barnett.
But he has his dream job at Colorado,
and Northwestern hired Miami (as in
Ohio) coach Randy Walker to replace
him. Who is this short, bespectacled guy?
Didn't anyone tell him that NU is fa-
mous for its losing football tradition? But
Walker, our Playboy Coach of the Year this
season, turns out to be more of a fireball
than Barnett ever imagined being. He
turned the Wildcats into the best-condi-
tioned football team in the conference.
He installed a quick-paced, no-huddle
spread offense that doesn’t give defenses

time to adjust or substitute. He's turned
quarterback Zak Kustok into a player
who led his team to fourth-quarter-come-
from-behind wins three times last year.
With 10 offensive starters returning (in-
cluding Playboy All-America running
back Damien Anderson) the Wildcats
will be the favorite team for gamblers
who like to bet the over. Walker is hop-
ing his defense will improve sufficiently
to make that a bad bet. 8-3

(11) KANSAS STATE

Soft early schedules or not, it’s diffi-
cult to take anything away from what
coach Bill Snyder and the Kansas State
Wildcats have accomplished over the
past eight years: eight consecutive bowl
games (including last year's 35-21 win
over Tennessee in the Cotton Bowl) and
being one of only two schools to win 11
games each of the past four seasons (the
other is Florida State). Snyder has his
work cut out for him this year. He'll have
10 choose between sophomore Ell Rob-
erson and junior college offensive player
of the year Marc Dunn to replace Jon-

"Uh, hon, I think the eyeholes should be up a bit higher."

athan Beasley at quarterback. There are
critical spots to fill on the offensive line
and at defensive end. In fact, the Cats re-
turn only four starters from last year's
D, the best being linebacker Ben Le-
ber. And accurate kicker Jamie Rheem
has graduated. But Snydcr has some
potent weapons. Playboy All-America

ANSON MOUNT
SCHOLAR/ATHLETE
AwARD

The Anson Mount Scholar/Ath-
lete Award recognizes achievement
in the classroom as well as excel-
lence on the playing field. Nomi-
nated by their colleges, the candi-
dates are judged by the editors of
PLAYBOY on their collegiate scholastic
and athletic accomplishments. The
winner attends PLAYBOY's preseason
All-America Weekend, is given a
commemorative medallion and is
included in our All-America team
photograph. In addition, PLAYBOY
contributes $5000 to the general
scholarship fund of the winner's
school.

This year's Anson Mount Schol-
ar/Athlete is Kyle Young from Clem-
son University. Kyle is а 63”, 280-
pound senior who plays center for
the Tigers. A first-team All-ACC se-
lection last season, he had a school-
record 120 knockdown blocks in his
sophomore season and 21 knock-
down blocks in a single game last
year against North Carolina State.
He's been a first-team Academic All-
America pick the past two years, giv-
ing him the chance to become the
second ACC player in history to be
named to the team three times. His
major is secondary education, and
he’s failed to earn an A in just one
course in his entire collegiate career.
His overall GPA is 3.97 on a scale of
4.00. Congratulations, Kyle.

Honorable mention: “Todd France
(Toledo), Dan Dyke (Georgia Tech),
Jeff Kelly (Southern Mississippi),
Joaquin Gonzalez (Miami), Chris
Hope (Florida State), Will Overstreet
(Tennessee), Thomas Hammock
(Northern Illinois), Zak Kustok
(Northwestern), Dennis Weathersby
(Oregon State), Tim Ritley (Akron),
Blair Eklund (Western Michigan),
Saleem Rasheed (Alabama), Travis
Dorsch (Purdue), Kyle Johnson
(Syracuse), David Greene (Virginia),
André Davis (Virginia Tech), Tracey
Wistrom (Nebraska), Aaron Kamp-
man (lowa), Josh Thornhill (Michi-
gan State), Patrick Ramsey (Tulane).

Aaron Lockett is small but explosive as
either a pass receiver or kick returner.
Both starting running backs return, with
Josh Scobey a serious threat inside or
outside, Able replacements at some spots
are among KSU's 20 redshirts from last
season or a substantial group of transfers
that Snyder enticed to Manhattan Kan-
sas, that is. 8-3

(12) TENNESSEE

A rash of early-season injuries and in-
consistencies from the quarterback spot
got the Vols off to a slow start last ycar.
However, midway through his freshman
season, Casey Clausen took over the
starting QB duties and Tennessee re-
sponded by ripping off six straight wins
before losing to Kansas State (35-21) in
the Cotton Bowl. Clausen, of course, is
back. Offensive guard Fred Weary also
returns after missing most of last year
with an injury. Sophomore tackle Mi-
chael Muñoz (66^, 310) improves every
game. At running back, one Travis (Ste-
phens) replaces another (Henry). Coach
Phillip Fulmer is looking for wide re-
ceivers to punch up the offense, but he
always seems to find them. Tennessee
will be good on defense with Playboy All-
America and Outland Trophy winner
John Henderson leading the way from
his defensive tackle spot. Will Overstreet
provides the outside pass rush from his
end spot and Andre Lott at cornerback
will strike fear into opposing quarter-
backs. The schedule is brutal, with away
games at Arkansas, Florida and Notre
Dame. But the Vols should be up to the
challenge. 8-3

(13) NOTRE DAME

Rule number one for coach Bob Da-
vie: Forget about Rockne, Leahy, Parse-
ghian or any other Irish coaching legend
and forget about Notre Dame's storied
football tradition. Rule two: Don't listen
to the Irish faithful, those alums and
fans who are ready with tar and feathers
after every loss. The fact is, Davie has
persevered when others might have
crumbled; he has pushed Notre Dame's
program back into the national elite. De-
spite a resounding loss to Oregon State
in the Fiesta Bowl, last season was a good
one in South Bend. Defensive end Grant
Irons and QB Arnaz Battle went down
early with injuries. However, freshman
quarterback Matt LoVecchio wrote his
own version of Rudy by leading the Irish
to seven wins in their last eight games.
LoVecchio is back, but will be challenged
by Carlyle Holiday and Jared Clark. An
effective running game featuring Julius
Jones and Tony Fisher should keep the
pressure off whoever takes the snaps
from center. Davie's defensive line will
be deep and strong, particularly with the
return of a healthy Irons. The start of
the season may be toughest. But if the
Irish can navigate an early schedule with
away games at Nebraska, Purdue and

"Texas A&M, they should have another
successful year. 8-3

(14) CLEMSON

The Tigers rattled off eight straight
wins and had visions of a conference
championship and more dancing in
their heads. But second-year coach Tom-
my Bowden and his Tigers got caught
looking ahead to Pappy Bowden and
Florida State and were tripped up in a
31-38 loss to Georgia Tech. It didn't
matter, because Clemson proceeded to
get wiped out by the Seminoles 54-7. In
fact, Clemson lost three of its final four

games, an unhappy ending to what vas
an overall excellent season. This year the
oflense is going to have to carry Tommy
B. and the Tigers. Quarterback Wood-
row Dantzler and running back Travis
Zachery will supply the firepower, al-
though sensational wide receiver Rod
Gardner, now in the NFL, will be missed.
Up front, there's brawn and intelligence
with Anson Mount Scholar/Athlete Kyle
Young in his center position. The de-
fense, with only four starters returning,
will have to rebuild from the bottom up.
"The decision of linebacker Keith Adams
to go pro a year early means someone

Блас CONFERENCE PREDICTIONS

CONFERENCE USA |

Louisville

Southern Mississippi

East Carolina

_MID-AMERICAN _

104
9-2
83
1-4
1-4
65
65

EAST DIVISION

Marshall
Akron

Miami

Ohio

Buffalo
Bowling Green
Kent

WEST DIVISION

Toledo

Western Michigan
| Northern Illinois

Ball State.

Central Michigan

Eastern Michigan

NORTH DIVISION
Nebraska
Kansas State
Colorado

—— MOUNTAIN WEST |

Colorado State
BYU

Nir Force

UNIV

Utah

New Mexico

Wyoming
San Diego State

g | Mississippi State
14 Ы
Auburn
Mississippi
Arkansas

SUN BELT
Idaho
Middle Temessee State
Arkansas State
New Mexico State
North Texas
Louisiana-Monroe
Louisiana-Lafayette

WAC
UTEP
Boise State
Tulsa
Нанай

92
83
65
56
38
38

8-3
15
15

PRAT SE OF

else will have to step up as the leader of
the defense. 8-3

(15) WASHINGTON,

Life was a bed of roses for coach Rick
Neuheisel and the Huskies last season.
Led by Pac 10 offensive player of the
year Marques Tuiasosopo at quarter-
back, Washington ripped through the op-
position, winning 11 games, including
a 34-24 victory over Purdue in Pasade-
na. What a difference a year will make.
Neuheisel not only has to settle on a
starting quarterback, he has to find re-
placements for six of his top seven offen-
sive linemen. "The pres pay more
attention to the quarterback situation.
I'm more concerned about our offensive
line,” says Neuheisel. However, the ba-
by-faced coach has some significant tal-
ent returning at tailback in Rich Alexis
and at tight end in 677” Jerramy Stevens.
The defense would be better if junior
safety Hakim Akbar had not taken an
early exit to the NFL. Larry Tripplett,
one of the top defensive tackles in col-
lege football, will anchor the middle as
end Marcus Roberson provides a strong
pass rush from the outside. Games against
Michigan and Miami will test Washing-
ton early. 8-3

EXER. SINCE WEEVIL Восак THAT
PERSONAL COMPUTER X NEVER.

Boon Те MANKIND AFTER ALL

ГА

(16) WISCONSIN

Two carly exits to the NFL (running
back Michael Bennett and defensive
back Jamar Fletcher) put a dent in coach
Barry Alvarez’ plan to win another Big
10 championship and go to a third Rose
Bowl in four years. But Alvarez thinks
his Badgers still have enough talent to at
least challenge the conference tide and
go bowling somewhere warm, even if
it's not Pasadena. While the cupboard is
slightly bare in spots, it's not at quarter-
back. Junior Brocks Bollinger (17-3 as a
starter) will get serious heat from sopho-
more Jim Sorgi, who came off the bench
twice last season to lead the Badgers to
victory after Bollinger was hurt. Cousins
Al and Ben Johnson will competently
fill two spots on the offensive line, with
Ben the heir apparent to Aaron Gibson
and Chris McIntosh. There are two blue-
chip talents on defense: Playboy АП-
America tackle Wendell Bryant and de-
fensive back Mike Echols, who is the
fastest defensive player on the team (4.3
in the 40). 8-4

(17) COLORADO

The Buflaloes couldn't have been as
bad as last season's 3-8 record would in-
dicate. And they weren't. Colorado lost

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seven of those games by eight points or
fewer. CU's schedule was rated fourth
toughest in the nation. And injuries hurt
a team already short on seniors. Coach
Gary Barnett expects his team to re-
bound big time. Sophomore quarterback
Ochs, who set several freshman
CU passing marks, will be better. Along
with Ochs, running back Cortlen John-
son and receiver John Minardi form the
f Colorado's offense. Barnett
nsistency from his defense and a
solid year from linebacker Jashon Sykes,
who had a disappointing junior year a
ter earning all-conference honors as a
sophomore. Midseason road challenges
against Kansas State and Texas loom
large. And Nebraska will be waiting at
the end of the regular season. 84

(18) LOUISVILLE

Every sports fan outside of the Blue-
grass State knows Rick Pitino is Loui
ville's new basketball coach. How many
people know the name of Louisville's
football coach? Does John L. Smith ring
a bell? No? Too bad, because Smith has
done a remarkable job of putting a com-
petitive football program together for
the Cardinals since he arrived three
years ago. Last year Louisville finished
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State in the Liberty Bowl. Quarterback
Dave Ragone, who threw for 27 TDs and
ran for six more, will be back for his ju-
nior season. The Cardinals have seven
other starters returning from an explo-
sive offense, including receiver Deion
Branch. Defense is more problematic,
where there is abundant talent but a lack
of experience at the tackles and middle
linebacker spots. Defensive back Anthony
Floyd is outstanding. 83

(19) MICHIGAN,

So many impact players from last sea-
son will not be suiting up in maize and
blue this season that it is difficult to
imagine it won't affect Michigan's per-
formance. Stalwart offensive linemen
Steve Hutchinson and Jeff Backus have
graduated to the NFL. And so have run-
ning back Anthony Thomas and receiver
David Terrell. And then Drew Henson,
who would have been rated the number
one college quarterback in the nation,
decided to play baseball for the Yankees
rather than throw footballs for the Wol-
verines. Actually, looking back at last sea-
son's trove of talent, how did Michigan
lose three games? Lloyd Carr, who has
led Michigan to bowl victories four
straight years, will have his coaching acu-
men tested to the max this year. John
Navarre reassumes the QB spot he sur-
rendered to Henson last year after the
fourth game. Navarre is adequate but
unspectacular. Carr's biggest problem
may be shoring up the offensive line to
protect Navarre. The Wolverines will
face trial by fire early when they play at
Washington on September 8. 7-4

(20) OHIO STATE

It took Jim Tressel 15 years to make
the 178-mile trip from Youngstown to
Columbus. During that time, he coached
Division 1-AA Youngstown State to 135
victories and four national titles. Mean-
while, John Cooper was busy winning
games as head coach of the Buckeyes,
though not enough games and not the
right ones. Cooper's Achilles! heel was
Michigan. Under per, OSU beat the
Wolverines only twice in 13 tries. That
її good enough in Columbus. So it

wil
Ohio State can't prevail over Michigan.
Stcve Bellisari, a veteran of 22 starts at
QB, returns for his senior season. He's
sixth on the school's all-time total offense
list but has failed to excel in big games.
Jonathan Wells steps in for graduated
Derek Combs at tailback. Adrien Clarke
and Tyson Walter are stellar tackles, but
the rest of the line may need time to gel.
The defense is solid, particularly at line-
backer, where three starters return, and
strong at safety, where Mike Doss is a po-
tential All-America. 74

For Playboy's next 30 teams and behind-
the-scenes action at the Playboy All-America
Weekend, go to playboy.com/sports.

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PLAYBOY

174

дыы

(continued from page 132)
the female Vargas. 1 love her artwork.
She combines the sensual with the co-
quettish. I always dreamed of having
one of those drawings of myself, and fi-
nally it’s happening.”

Although the former Las Vegas show-
girl says she loves to show off her body,
Peterson has resisted offers to do nude
photos. “It’s certainly not because I'm
shy,” she explains. “I'm proud of my
body, and I work out to keep it looking
good.” But she worries about her image
because she has so many children as
fans, and she markets her costumes and
wigs to them. “I didn't want to do the
Pee-wee Herman thing.” She's thrilled
with her portrayal in the portrait. “It's
sexual, but it’s subtle and classy and still
leaves a little mystery."

Elvira was a pioneer for all the strong
female role models to come, from Pam-
ela Anderson to Lara Croft. Hers is the
best-selling female Halloween costume
of all time. In 1982 she was the first per-
son to be broadcast in three dimensions
in America (on KHJ's Movie Macabre).
and she was the first female to do a beer
ad campaign (in 1986). The computer
system for the F-117 stealth bomber is
named Elvira, after her. When the In-
terngate story broke in Time, the story
began, “When Monica Lewinsky worked
in the White House, she had nicknames.
One was Elvira, after TV's vampy Mis-
tress of the Dark—a snickering reference
to Lewinsky's long and big black hair,
her fondness for tight, chest-hugging
outfits and her coquettish demeanor."
Around this same time, says Peterson's
manager, Mark Pierson, Elvira "was
riding on the float for the U.S. Postal
Service in the Rose Parade, which is as
American as you can be. You really know

Ther

| тне CITY t

you're a cult figure in America when
you're famous from the Post Office to
the Pentagon to the White House."

Peterson made her first Elvira movie.
Elvira, Mistress of the Dark, in 1988, in
which she famously twirled tassels (a tal-
ent she learned at 14). This fall she has a
new film called Elvira's Haunted Hills, a
gothic comedy “much in the vein of the
Rocky Horror Picture Show,” she says.

“We shot it in Romania last November
and December. It parodies the Vincent
Price movies of the Fifties and Sixties.”
Halloween was always Peterson's favor-
ite holiday: “My mother and aunt had a
costume shop, and Halloween was big
not only for business, but also for me,
because every year they would make
me the most fabulous costume. I'd go to
as many parties as I could and people
would say, "Wow, look at her costume!”
That must have been in my mind when 1
became Elvira.”

Elvira keeps going strong. "She's still
fitting into the same dress size," says
Pierson. "Her figure hasn't changed in
30 years. I think she looks better than
“I do work out a lot," says Peter-
son. “That's the secret of my career. The
other secret is heavy makeup. When you
pile that much on, three inches deep,
you can cover anything. I just spackle it
into my wrinkles and there I am!"

How much longer can she keep it up?
"It depends on how everything holds
up—literally and figuratively,” she says,
laughing. “I've been thinking about this
being my last year because it's my 20th
anniversary, but then 1 think, 1 don't
know if I'm ready to hang up the wig
yet.” Her millions of fans would rather
hear her say boo than bye.

LEILANI RIOS

(continued from page 91)
grades went down.”

‘Then the press took notice. Soon her
story was on 20/20, CNN.com and Real
Sports with Bryant Gumbel. Now Rios
says she's become a symbol for freedom
of speech. “The dancing 1 do is totally
legal,” she explains, “and it's protected
by the First Amendment. I'm not doing
anything wrong.”

Although she had contemplated fi
a lawsuit, Rios says that all she wants
to be reinstated: “I'm hoping to be the
top runner for Cal State-Fullerton. The
coach is not a bad person. It's his reli-
gious beliefs, that’s all. Other than that,
he's a very nice guy. There may be some
h: feelings at first, but I think we'll do
just fine.” Over the summer she was in-
vited to rejoin the squad pending NCAA
requirements.

After she graduates, Rios plans to
devote herself to a career in physical
therapy. Meanwhile, she will continue
dancing. Her husband, Wayne, 31, is com-
pletely supportive. “He has a very good
attitude about my dancing,” says Rios,
“and he trusts me 100 percent. Work
doesn't influence my sexuality with my
husband at all. He'll sometimes stop by
and say hi while I'm working, but most
of the time he just lets me work. He
trusts me because I come home to him
every day.”

She emphasizes the safe atmosphere
at the Flamingo club. “It's totally legal.
and it’s a clean club. It's upscale. There
are bouncers watching you, watching the
guys, making sure they don't slip up. It's
safer than cocktail waitressing, where
drunk guys grab the waitresses’ asses
No alcohol is served there atall, so there
are no guys out of control, loud, obli
ous or drunk.”

Dancing is fun and makes her feel
sexy, says Rios. “It's actually fabulous for
women." She chooses her own music
and costumes. In addition to her popu-
lar Britney Spears schoolgirl look, her
cowgirl outfit with chaps keeps the guys
champing at the bit, while her patriotic
red, white and blue stars-and-stripes en-
semble makes them stand up and salute.
5 continues to run several times a
week in the hope of being back on the
track team. Her dancing helps to keep
her in shape, too. Leilani is proud of
her petite, naturally athletic body and
doesn't feel the need for any artificial en-
hancements. "A lot of men do actually
prefer the small, petite, natural look in-
stead of the fake boobs," she says. "Any
girl can get fake boobs. People appre-
ciate my being natural, even though
I'm not a big-busted girl. Im petite,
but I still have a nice shape. Guys love
my boobs.”

Run to cyber.playboy.com to see video of
Leilani.

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PLAYBOY

176

CRISIS

(continued from page 88)
Albert Means, were $200,000 cash and
two Ford Expeditions. Means, who was
unaware of the alleged deal, enrolled at
the University of Alabama, where he
played seven games as a freshman. Alter
the report surfaced, Means wansferred
to the University of Memphis. The FBI
and the NCAA have investigated the re-
cruitment. His new coach says, “You
hate for these kinds of things to happen.
But when we get one of the top players
in the US. in his position, that's a big
bonus for us."

From the viewpoint of the reformers,
who say that athletes themselves are in-
creasingly disgusted with academic cor
ruption, developments at the University
of California last April were encourag:
ing. Alex Saragoza, ethnic studies pro-
fessor and vice president of educational
outreach, quit after it became known that
he had given credit to two athletes for
course work they did not do. Apparently
ancther student-athlete blew the whistle.

"We're starting to gain momentum,
Huma told PLAYBOY. Earlier this year the
Stanford basketball team signed up with
the CAC along with the basketball and
football squads at Arizona State and Ore-

gon. Huma says he expects to enter the
2001-2002 academic year with several
more schools on his side. “The goal is to
establish a national players’ association.
We feel that given athletes’ roles as huge
moneymakers, they should have more
say in what goes on in the legislative
process of the NCAA. We want student-
athletes across the nation to sign our
Declaration of Unity and start their
own chapters. We want to establish work-
ing relationships with other schools,
but they will have complete autonomy in
their own chapters.”

“There's an underground of student-
athletes who have protested and been
isolated," says Bensel-Meyers. Huma
concurs. "Studentathletes get a lot of
Пак from regular students. If you utter
anything about policies that need to be
changed, they look at you like you're
crazy. It's hard to articulate the position
of the student-athlete. We earn our edu-
cation a number of ways. One hundred
percent of the players I've spoken with
are for reform. The United Steelworkers
have been great with their resources.
Without the Steelworkers we wouldn't
be close to where we are now. I think
we're a force to be reckoned with.”

NADAS

(continued from page 122)
them to get famous. I want to keep them
for myself.”

Not that the band always plays to open
arms. At one show in Kansas City, the
crowd got nasty when the Nadas be-
gan to play. They had come to see the
two thrash bands that opened the show.
“The people with tattoos. leather and
piercings didn't like our corn rock,” But-
terworth says. "Jason got whacked with
lemons and lit cigarettes. They were like,
"Со back to Iowa, fags!” My least favor-
ite gig was in Breckenridge, Colorado,
when the headlining band kept coming
onstage during our set to tune their in
struments. The fucking drummer was
tuning his drums while we were playing.
It was the rudest thing. I was ready to
quit being a rocker after that.”

After the Cubby Bear, it's off to a back-
yard kegger. Petersen breaks into a
rap-off with Bohnenkamp. Girls migrate
toward them. Around sunrise, Butter-
worth, Walsmith, Petersen and their
friends Julie, Cali, Mandy and Lou catch
a cab back to the RV, which is still parked
in front of the Vic. Everyone else stays
to party or passes out on friends’ floors.
After inhaling pizza and playing a few
tunes on an acoustic guitar they bought
at a thrift store for four dollars, the Na-
das call ita night. The birds are chirping.

INSIDE FOX SMOLDER, APRIL 28, 10 A.M.

Petersen and Julie, who have spent
the night messing around in the RV's
front bunk, are laughing about a huge
bruise on her inner arm. Apparent-
ly, things got a little kinky, and Julie fell
out of the bunk, bounced off a seat and
landed on the floor. There are lipstick
smooches on the outside of the RV's
windows. This prompts a conversation
about groupies: "We were in Lowa City
once,” Petersen says, “and this girl's like,
"Here's the deal. I'll give you a blow
job if you rap, I'll give Mike a blow job
if he plays Life in a Bucket, and if both
things happen, ГЇ have sex with Mike.”
I rapped, but she was nowhere to be
found," he deadpans.
emptation is not a problem for me,”
Bohnenkamp explains. He's been dat-
ing his girlfriend, Joey, for three years.
"I'm the drummer, I'm in the back. Half
the time nobody even fucking knows I'm
in the band. I go to the bathroom be-
tween sets and people are like, ‘What do
you think of the band?
"m a loyal, devoted person," Wal-
smith says. He's been married to Steph-
anie, his college sweetheart, for two
years. “She's great, though I think the
band is her enemy right now. Don't get
me wrong, she loves everybody, but the
band is the thing that keeps me from
home. She comes on the road with us
sometimes, but she gets frustrated at
how chaotic it is.”

It could be argued that Butterworth is
the band heartthrob, since girls in the
audience have been known to chant,
“Mike! Mike! Mike!” before the Nadas
hit the stage. Does Julie (not to be con-
fused with Petersen's bruised buddy),
whom he married last week, mind his
Tiger Beat status? “Not at all,” Butter-
worth says with a laugh. “I'm lucky to
have her. I asked her when we decided
to get hitched if I needed to find a new
job. She was like, "Hell no. 1 don't want
you home that much.'"

“Seriously, though, Gomez pulls the
most wool,” Bohnenkamp says.

“Will pulls the most wool,” Gomez
counters. "But I hope I get some ass to-
night, dude. That's my goal. I hope we can
get some college girls to do crazy stuff
like get butt-naked and run around. I'm
totally serious about getting some ass. 15
that wrong?”

A few Nadas take showers at their
friend Nicole's apartment while the rest
freshen up at a buddy's workspace
Then it's off to Stanley's for a brunch
buffet and bloody marys. While every-
one eats, Butterworth and Gomez try to
find somewhere to park the RV. Parking,
lly in major Cities, is a nightmare.

“In New York City,” Walsmith says,
“we pulled up in front of the bar, put on
our hazards, loaded out, went in, played,
came out, loaded back in and drove out
of the city.”

SOMEWHERE ON THE ROAD TO IOWA CITY,
THREE PM.

Bohnenkamp, who is driving, is on a
rant. “It bugs me when 1 hear people
like Christina Aguilera or 'N Sync—
who've had financial support their entire
careers—complain about being on the
road,” he says. "They're living in hotel
rooms and bitching about playing every
other night. I'd like them to come on the
road with us. It would be a privilege to
get one hotel room for six people. It
would be nice to have a bus driver and “ u ”
cushy tour bus with air-conditioning and LET’S PLAY
video games. 1 heard that if there isn't a
Starbucks in town, Britney Spears has it
flown in. Those people who complain
about how hard they have it should try
sleeping on someone's floor for three
nights. We eat fried bar food because it's
free. We spend two to three hours load-
ing our own shit, sometimes upstairs,
and doing sound check. Then we play,
tear down, carry everything out of the
bar, go to bed at four ам. and maybe get
five hours of sleep before hopping back
into the damn RV and driving 10 hours
to the next gi;

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jometimes we splurge on
Rice-a-Roni instead of Lipton noodles.”
Bohnenkamp: “Yeah, this week I'm
gonna buy the Ruffles instead of the
generic potato chips. I had a good week
and I deserve it, damn it!" Betting Bunny
So why keep touring? Deanna
“We get to play music for a living,"

VOD ERE ORTEN BY Ua

| 177

PLAYBOY

178

Bohnenkamp says. “We meet new people
every night and go to places we've never
been. That's the payoff. The place we're
playing tonight is one of my favorites.
It's a frenzied fucking hungry crowd."

"When we started, I loved every:
about touring,” Butterworth
loved driving, | loved sleeping on floors.
We'd have a show two hours from home
on, say, Wednesday, and another show
on Saturday, and we'd hang out on the
road for the few extra days because it
was rock and roll. Today, even if we're
seven hours from home, we go back so
we'll have a day off."

“We used to go to every little town and
play in every little shithole,” Walsmith
says. "But now 1 don't want to drive 12
hours to Ohio to play at a little college
bar where people don't care. My biggest
pet peeve is wasting time. Every Satur-
day night that we play for a small, unin-
terested crowd is a night we could be
playing in a town that we care to go to.
We used to have a theory that the best
way to do this was to tackle big, faraway
places, but that didn't work. Now our
philosophy is to radiate. We would be a
great sign for a label right now. We have
a great campus following, a good mail-
ing list. We have our shit together. We're
an operating band. Some bands who get
signed have never even played before.”

PLAYBOY: Like O-Iown?

Walsmith: "Don't even fucking get me
started."

Bohnenkamp: “That is the dumbest
fucking waste of a record deal I've ever
seen. Those guys can't sing. They're hor-
rible. They look good, and I guess that’s
vhat’s important. That's probably why

we haven't made it very far. We're a
bunch of fat-ass bums.”

"I'm not gonna say the past five years
of my life have been a waste because T
didn't get a record deal," Nelson

"I'm in it for the moment. If we were to
у, I would still consider us a

ve in the power of the
record deal,” Butterworth adds. “I've
heard that 95 percent of bands signed to
major labels sell less than 5000 copies of
their first record and get dumped. I also
know bands that get signed, make their
record and nothing changes. They still
play the same clubs. At this point we de-
cide where our money goes, where to
play, how to look and how to sound. The
second you sign a deal, you lose that in-
dependence. Being from Iowa is not
bad. We're two hours from Omaha,
from Chicago, three from Kansas City,
three from Minneapolis, 12 from Col-
orado, 12 from Ohio. Twenty hours will
get us damn near anywhere. A lot of
people our age don't like living in Iowa
because there's not a lot going on. But
that's why I like it. It's nice to come
home after being in a rolling party for
two weeks and just relax. I don't have
to worry about finding parking. I don't
have to lock the doors."

He's not kidding about the rolling
party. Says Gomez: "Brett and I, two
hippies with long, curly hair, were driv-
ing from Champaign to Chicago. There
was a huge bash in the back of the RV—
lots of alcohol and butt-naked women. A
cop pulls up, shines his light into the cab
and pulls us over. Everyone in the back

of the RV pours their beers down the toi-

"I wrote this next song one worrisome
mornin’ when they tole me all my tech stocks done gone
down the shitter.”

let and hops into the bunks. I go back to
his car and get a 15-minute interroga-
tion because I look like a total diri
“Do you do drugs? Are there
cotics on the RV? I said, "Yes, I do, and
no, there aren't.’ Then he makes me take
off my shoes and pats me down. I think
he wanted to suck on my toes or some-
thing. He goes, ‘Do you mind if 1 walk a
dog around?’ But he doesn't have a fuck-
ing dog. Then he goes, ‘What do you
think we should do with drug dealers?”
So I say, ‘Whatever the law states.” He
goes, "Well, 1 think we should put them
in a ditch and shoot them" Dead serious.
I waslike, right on, dude. Cops are weird.

Another time in Champaign, the Na-
das got a man to drive the tour bus
they d rented. Little did they know he
was a Peeping Tom.

"The driver was supposedly hanging
out in the bus while we were playing,"
Walsmith says. "But when we came out,
he was being arrested. The cop had him
up against the car because he'd been
looking in windows. His knees were all
dirty like he'd been crawling around un-
der bushes and shit."

HEARTLAND INN, IOWA CITY, FOUR A.M.

The show at Q Bar is a smash. To cel-
ebrate, Petersen and Gomez pick up
some girls and head toa party. Since the
bars are closed, Butterworth, Bohnen-
kamp, Walsmith, Mandy, Lou and an-
other friend, Marty, goto the hotel rooms
(two this time—it was a lucrative night)
to drink Coors Light. Perhaps drink is the
wrong word. Marty decides it's high time
to break his brother's record for most
beers shotgunned in one night. He takes
his keys, pokes a hole in the side of the
beer can, fish-lips it and pops the top. In
three seconds, the can is empty. Soon,
everyone is shotgunning beers, using ho-
tel washcloths as bibs. Marty shotguns his
eighth beer and barfs all over the bath-
room. In true rock star form, Walsmith,
who is half passed out on the bed,
ing his damnedest not to mi

He has one request: "Can someone
help me open my ex

A few weeks later, while sleeping in ad-
joining Nebraska motel rooms, Jason,
Tony and Tony's girlfriend, Joey, are
robbed. The burglars make off with wal-
lets and cell phones. The Nadas were an
easy target. They left their motel doors
wide open.

“It was pure laziness on our part,”
Buuerworth says. “After the show, we
dropped them off at the motel and went
10 a party. Instead of waiting two min-
utes to get a key, we took off. We leave
motel doors propped open all the time.
It's stupid. I can't believe it hasn't hap-
pened before. We're too trusting. We're
from a small town. We're Iowa farm
kids, you know?

To hear the Nadas, go to playboy.com/mag
azıne/current/.

Marilyn Monroe—our first cover
girl and Sweetheart of the Month—
would have turned 75 this year, which
prompted Hef, 20th Century Fox and
American Movie Classics to throw a
Mansion birthday bash in her hon-
or. The party, fit for an icon, includ-

ed a huge M.
guests Gcorge Lucas,

1 f Hel raises a
i gloss tc

\ Ж. PLAYBOY's
first Sweet

heart while
Centerfolds Nerich
Davis, Liso Dergan, Deanna Brooks,
Suzanne Stokes and Bully Tyler model differ-

ent versions of o girl's best friend

lack and Barbara Eden and five Play-
mates modeling diamonds from the
Marilyn Collection. While partygo-
ers danced, sipped champagne and
toasted Marilyn's fabulousness, AMC
announced the rclcasc of Marilyn
Monroe: The Diamond Collection, a com-
memorative DVD boxed set boasting

PLAY E BI но
October 1: Miss June 1968
Britt Fredriksen
October 2: Miss January 1986
Sherry Arnett

October 14: Miss January 1970
Jill Taylor

October 18: Miss October 1965
Allison Parks

October 30: Miss January 1995
Melissa Halliday

the films Gentlemen Prefer Blondes, The
Seven Year Itch, How to Marry a Million-
aire, Bus Stop and There's No Business
Like Show Business, plus Marilyn Mon-
roe: The Final Days, à bonus documen-
tary. For more information, click on

marilynvhs.com. Norma Jean would
be proud.

Anyone who has spent a sick day
curled up on the couch is familiar
with the healing powers of The Price
Is Rights Barker's Beauties, the daz-
zling prize girls who, with a flick
oftheir manicured nails, man-

age to make toaster ovens
look sexy. Bob Barker's cur-
rent roster includes two-
year-veteran Nikki
Schieler Ziering
and Heather Ko-
zar, who came
on board after
Playmate Janice
Pennington was
fired. “I'm not
sure what hap-
pened,” Nikki
says. “I felt awk-
ward, like, Why

didn't 1 get fired too?
Janice had been here 29
years.” While Nikki misses
her former cohort, she ap-
preciates the newfangled Price
Is Right perks. “We used to dress like
flight attendants. Now the clothes
are hipper, though there's a rule that
we can't show cleavage and leg at the
same time.” And what about the host,

When Centerfolds hit the town to-
gether, wouldn't you like lo be a fly
in the limo? Clackwise fram top left
Angel Baris and Victoria Valentino
bond; Cara Michelle and Выву Ty-
ler light up Los Angeles; Nerioh Do-
vis, Loyla Roberts, Nicole Lenz, Elon
Corter, Tilfany Taylor ond Victoria
Fuller have scarlet fever ot PLAYBOY s
Rock-and-Rall All-Star Bosh

25 YEARS AGO THIS MONTH

You'd never know by looking
at Hope Olson's angelic October
1976 pictorial that the photo
shoot was envel-
oped in drama.
“We almost got
killed shooting
Hope's layout in
La Crosse, Wiscon-
sin," remembers
photographer Ken
Marcus. "Local bad
guys ed a fight.
with her boyfriend,
Punk. They came
armed with guns.
The police showed
up just in time, I
called West Coast
Photo Editor Mari-
lyn Grabowski and
said, ‘We've got problems. Mari-
lyn said, “If you can get shots of
her being interrogated by the
police, that would look good.”

Hope Olson.

who seems to have dipped himself in
the fountain of youth? “Bob Barker is
awesome,” Nikki says. "He's commit-
ted until he's 82. The only thing I
don't like is that 1 sing the theme song
in my sleep. “Da da da duh, da da da
duh” It echoes in my head."

PLAYMATE NEWS PLAYMATE GOSSIP

tions in Los Angeles. “It’s in the ear- — : Destiny’s Child showed Jenny
ly stages.” She has also opened an ; | McCarthy (below) some sugar at
antique store in Pasadena. Lest you ¿ | a recent Candie's Foundation
у а ^ think she's all work and no play, Lay- | | event. They're all spokes-
Reneé Tenison. She's hot shit, la (shown ћете | | models for the funky shoe
damn it. I've always thought she chilling at a re- 2 | company... We can't wait L
was so good-looking. There's also cent St. Pauli 4 for the release of Playmate
a Playmate from 1978 who was Girl party in i of the Year, a film about a law
natural and awesome as hell, but Seon | school graduate whose life is "
1 can't remember her name. riah David); turned around when he meets —

a contender for PMOY. It’s been

described as a younger, hipper

.. If you dig The Real World,
you'll get a kick out of a real

ty TV show from the

same crea-

whooped it up
at PLAYBOY'S
last Mardt
Gras weekend.
Check out the
steamy pix on
Playboy.com.

LOOSE LIPS

“You can make Mansion par-
ties as wild as you want them to
be. I sit back and watch. Then
you get Scott Baio. We call him
the Playmate lapdog, He just
doesn't care. You know who is a
dork? David Lee Roth. He's got a
bad comb-over, but he's nying. to

Reneé ond her twin sister, Rosie, mod-
eled swimsuits in o recent issue of
Black Men magazine.

Layla, you've got us on our knees.

After knocking us out as Miss Octo- bê BiB аро Wi

ber 1997, Layla Roberts flaunted her Тату а Бейіт

comedic side as Molly Mounds іп Ar- “If I were going to get breast

mageddon, portrayed Grendel's moth- implants, 1 would have done it tors, Mary-Ellis Bunim and Jon-
er in a science fiction version of Beo- before becoming a Playmate. 1f 1 athan Murray, called Who Wants
undf and appeared in Red Letters with did it now, I'd be shot by a mil- to Be a Playboy Playmate? . . . Nik-
Nastassja Kinski and Fairuza Balk. lion people, especially Hef. He ki Schieler Ziering is Cutty
Now she's starting a clothing line. made me promise 1 would never Sark's current pin-up girl and is

working on her own 2002 calen-
dar.... Erika Eleniak vill star in
The Opponent, a film about wom-
en's boxing. . . . Rebekka Arm-
strong won an award from the
Navy for educating sailors about
sexually transmitted diseases. - . .
On the episode of MTV's Becom-
ing in which regular guys were
whisked to the Playboy Mansion
and made over to look like Limp
Bizkit, Alexandria Karlsen, Na-
talia Sokolova and Kerissa Fare
added authenticity by lounging
poolside. . . . PMOYs Heath-
er Korar, Jodi Ann Paterson and
Brande Roderick (pictured) Bun-
nied up to Donald Trump at a
hopping Hugo Boss party.

“Its not high fashion, just fun attire,” 2 | 7707774 RAIRE
says James Gonis of Playmate Promo-

RED CARPET REPLAY

Eors to Donald Trump.

If you've ever seen Victoria Silvstedt in person, you know how

she works o crowd. She incandesces, she flirts, she couses

whiplash. In print, she jumps off the page. Left to right: Flaunt-

ing it at the Loureus World Sport Awords in Moy, at the Bose-
|_| ketboll premiere in 1998, ot a February GQ bosh, at the Austin
| Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me premiere in 1999.

1 love Dad. I'm just not

in a rush to look like him.

When your dad lost

his hair there was

no Rogaine. You,
however, have no such
excuse. Rogaine is
clinically proven to work
directly on the scalp to
help stop hair loss.
Dermatologists know
this. They recommend
Rogaine more than any
other treatment. So

at the first sign of
fallout, use something
else you inherited

from dad: Brains.
Not everyone responds lo Rogaion
Indvdoal тезі vary. Use озу as бесід.

STRONGER
THAN HEREDITY”

www.rogoine.com

62001 Pharmacia Consumer Healthcare

<SSKECHERS:—

RI uo RERS Ul

on the

Im LAY): OY

scene

WHAT'S HAPPENING, WHERE IT'S HAPPENING AND WHO'S MAKING IT HAPPEN

POKER

nless you're playing strip poker, a night of cards is still a guy

thing. If you're the host, stock up right. That means whiskey,

tequila and beer (nobody drinks cosmopolitans or chardon-

nay on poker night), plenty of snacks and good cigars, Pok-
er isn't poker unless there’s smoke in the air. When it comes to
cards, dump your old ones and invest in a new deck. Casinos use
plastic cards, not plastic-coated, so the corners don't bend. Never
JAMES INBROGNO

Above: This Italian-made humi-
dor with a leather top ($295)
will hold 50 of your best cigars.
Next to it is a Calibri chrome-
and-rubber table lighter ($50),
a horn-handled cigar cutter (595)
and a chrome ashtray ($95). In
the humidor is a box of 25 Di-
ana Silvius 7'x 50 ring Churchill
cigars ($197). All are from the
Up Down Tobacco Shop. Right:
1.75-liter bottles of Jack Dan-
iel's, Jose Cuervo and Chivas
Regal, plus three CDs: Bruce
Springsteen and the E Street
Band's Live in New York City
(Columbia), Delbert McClin-
ton’s Nothing Personal (New
West) and the Black Crowes’ Li-
ons (V2) ($17 to $25).

play for bills or coins: It's too hard for suckers to part with real
money. Plastic chips will do in a pinch, but heavy clay chips have
an authoritative clink when tossed into the pot, and they look great
housed in a chip carousel. (Monogrammed chips are best and add
to the intimidation.) If you play frequently, buy a poker table such
as the mahogany-finished une pictured here. It seats eight, has
wells for chips, indentations for cocktail glasses and bottles, and
foldable legs for storage. Now pump some Springsteen through

WHERE AND HOW TO HUY ON PAGE Hat

NIGHT

your stereo and deal. The only thing you're missing is a cocktail
waitress to pour drinks and light cigars. But being a gracious host
goes only so far. To cover your expenses you need to win, so pick
up a copy of Super/System (“a course in power poker") by Doyle
Brunson, Caro’s Book of Tells (“the body language of poker”) by
Mike Caro or The Theory of Poker by David Sklansky. Gamblers
General Store in Las Vegas sells them along with the chips, chip
carousel and plastic playing cards shown below. Will the books
help you rake in a big pot? You bet. —LARRY OLMSTED

Above: A nylon-topped poker table measuring 57° in diam-
eter from Sydney Laner and Co., a Chicago billiard dealer
that’s been around since 1918 (about $400, plus shipping).
Oak, maple and other finishes are also available, and the
top can be ordered in other colors. Matching chairs are available, too.
On the table: poker carousel that holds 400 chips (about $100, cover
included), clay poker chips in a variety of denominations (38 cents
each or 42 cents each monogrammed) and plastic cards that can be
washed and reused ($19 for a two-deck set), all from Gamblers Gen-
eral Store. Budweiser long necks for toasting your winnings (see your
liquor dealer for a case price). Whiskey glasses with weighted bases
so they won't tip easily, from the Pottery Barn ($8 each).

183

ine

Passing the Breast Test

The lovely LORABEL REY appeared in
Playboy's Special Edition Asian Beauties,
оп TVs Silk Stalkings and in a Third Eye
Blind music video.

Ша: орех

Xi A
~ *

This Brook
Makes a Splash
KELLY BROOK wears barely
more than a smile. You can
see her in the thriller Ripper:
Letier From Hell.

Inside Basic Black
We love see-through: Will any of MARI-
SA COUGHLAN's four recent movies—
Pumpkin, Freddy Got Fingered, Super
Troopers and Gossip—compare favor-
ably with this outfit?

Sarah Sees Spots
SARAH RENDES windsurfs in real life and
for documentaries, does comme: ls for Hawaii

cable TV, models and decorates the sand on Baywatch
Hawaii. In Grapevine, she rests.

Lovely After Basketball

We know SANAA LATHAN from the film Love
and Basketball and the TV movie Disappear-
ing Acts. Perhaps this slam-dunk dress will jog
your memory.

Seeing Double
Have you seen The Mistress Club, Bikini
Hoedown or Erotic Confessions? И so,
you'll recognize GRIFFIN DREW. If not, get

to the video store, pronto. She's waiting there for you.

The End
at the
Beginning

The LIVING END is just
getting started, with the
group’s sophomore CD,
Roll On, a just-completed
summer tour with Green
Day and a certain amount
ої fame for taking on Em-
inem in public. But don't
box them in. That would
be a dead end.

ШиИісірсиггі

LITTLE MISS
NAUGHTY

Virtually every
good girl wants to
be a bad girl—but
you knew that.
Sex therapist Bar-
bara Keesling,
Wan > = who has written
eight books, in-
cluding How to
Make Love All
Night and Super
Sexual Orgasm,
takes the premise
one step further
in The Good Girl's
Guide lo Bad Girl
Sex, an “indis-
pensable resource
for pleasure and
seduction.” With
such provocative

chapter titles as
| “Bad Girls Feel
Good About Be-
ding Bad," "Bad

Girls Know How
to Talk Sexy, In and Out of Bed” and “Bad Girls Break All the Rules,”
we're already hot and bothered—and we don't even know any good
girls who have read the book yet. Price: $22. Check your local book-
stores. M. Evans and Co. Inc. is the publisher.

FOR POOL SHARKS ONLY

Shoot a mean game of eight ball? Then hang a mean great white shark
(with two lights mounted in its belly) over your billiard table. Wildlife
Interiors in Hernando, Florida is the creator of the eight-foot shark
light. The shark costs $2000 and is just one of many realistic mammal,
reptile, fish and plant reproductions available at prices from about
$100 for a red-eyed tree frog to $7000 for a full-size rhino. Or dec-
orate Wild Kingdom style with a 17-foot curled python ($750), a 10.5-
foot Komodo dragon ($3000) or a five-foot-tall gorilla (also $5000).
Hey, Mr. Intrepid Explorer, it's a jungle out there. Bring it home

186 Call Wildlife Interiors at 352-341-5660 to order.

GET DIRTY, DUDE

If you're a dirt biker, get up to speed by
attending the Motorcycle Safety Founda-
tion-approved dirt-bike rider training
course held at the MotoVentures Rid-

ing Ranch in Aguanga, California. On
Kawasaki and other dirt bikes, you'll
learn to deal with different surfaces and
pull off other tricky moves. Prices begin
at $150 for one day's riding. Call 909-
767-0991 or go to motoventures.com.

WAY UGLY

Who knows what evil lurks in the minds
of the mask makers at Death Studios?
Now you do—and just in time for Hal-
loween. From left to right, there's Merlin
(897), a sorcerer with a shrunken head
(the wearer looks out eyeholes in his neck),
Klutch Furst ($92), with a killer grin, and
Waveripper ($159), an angry-creature
mask with shoulders and a chest. Call
219-362-4321 or go to deathstudios.com.

A BOOK TO CROW ABOUT

In The Crow: Shattered Lives
and Broken Dreams, 30 authors
who specialize in fantasy, sci-
ence fiction and horror con-
tribute stories and poems
about the bird's mystique.
There are more than 50
full-page illustrations, and
the limited edition (1500) is
presented in a black slipcase.
‘To make the book even more
of a collector's item, 39 au-
thors and artists have signed
each edition. Price: $225,
from Donald Grant, Publish-
er, Inc. at 800-476-0510, or
go to grantbooks.com.

BEETLE JUICED

John Belushi and
the boys in Animal
House would have
loved the Beetle
Cooler. It’s the ul-
р timate party car,
with a fully func-
tional rolling
Volkswagen chas-

working steer-

ing for mobility,
chrome wheels
and funky paint

job. The only thing missing is the engine and the seats—the latter
having been replaced with stainless steel tubs, complete with a
drain system, that will hold up to 60 cases of beer, pop, you name
it. Just leave room for ice and let the good times roll. Price: $5000.

Check it out at madirect.com or call 800-500-1500.

WE'LL TAKE TWO

Тһе Barbi ‘Twins’ new calen- |
dar is out, but if you don't
want to wait until the first of.
the year to hang Shane and
Sia on your wall, a 35^x 93^
poster (right) of July's image
is available now at Spencer
Gifts for $7. "It's our last cal-
endar,” says Shane. (It's their
sixth.) Like all the others, this
calendar is definitely a keep-
er and will be a collector's
item for sure. Guys can enjoy
the pair (and what a knock-
out pair they both have) by
going to calendardepot.com
to order both the calendar
and poster.

VIAGRA GETS HEAVY

Positive Response has finally found a way for
Viagra to keep something down. The company
has reproduced the pill as a 3’x5” paperweight
that’s ranteed to “maintain an erect stack of
papers.” Plus, it “reduces filing dysfunction.”
‘The paperweight weighs about one and a half
pounds, so it's not something you want to slip
into your pocket. Price: $19, from Positive Re-
sponse, 242 West 27th, Suite 1B, New York, NY
10001. The company also sells Arousal, an erec-
tion cream, for $30 per two-ounce jar.

FRISKY FRISCO

Dennis Rodman was a guest at the Exotic Erot-
ic Ball one year. So what else is new? The 20th
anniversary of San Francisco's annual October
night of outrageous costumes, bare bodies and
over-the-top bawdiness is celebrated in a 60-
minute video tracing the history of the ball
from 100 penthouse partygoers to 15,000 rev-
elers packed into the Cow Palace and cavorting
in the streets. Price: $15, from Entertainment
Programs International at 800-458-6438.

Ber dll #47“
ОУ Сй
y

ШиіИйехі Month

DUTCH TREAT

ANGELICA

X MARKS THE SPOT

ANGELICA BRIDGES—THE AMAZING REDHEAD—EASILY ONE
OF THE WORLD'S MOST BEAUTIFUL WOMEN—IS CAUSING
SCARLET FEVER

DIRTY SKATE KINGS—MOST PRO SKATEBOARDERS LOOK
LIKE GUTTER RATS SCRAPED OFF THE PAVEMENT. NOT THESE
DUDES—THEY'RE CRAZY AND RICH. DEAN KUIPERS HITS THE
STRIP CLUBS WITH UNLIKELY MILLIONAIRES CHAD MUSKA,
ROB DYRDEK AND KAREEM CAMPBELL

SEX IN CINEMA—HOLLYWOOD'S STEAMIEST MOMENTS RE-
PRODUCED JUST FOR YOU. STARRING JENNIFER LOPEZ, UMA
THURMAN. ASHLEY JUDD, KATE HUDSON, NICOLE KIDMAN
CATHERINE DENEUVE AND ANGELINA JOLIE

WHAT DO THESE PEOPLE WANT?—PROTESTS AGAINST
GLOBAL ECONOMIC POLICY HAVE EXPLODED AS CROWDS
CONFRONT THE TITANS OF TRADE. GINA WELCH INVESTI-
GATES THE MOST DRAMATIC MASS MOVEMENT IN DECADES

COEN BROTHERS—THE MERRY PRANKSTERS OF HOLLY.
WOOD LOVE TO STARTLE AND SHOCK. WITH KRISTINE MC-
KENNA TAKING NOTES, JOEL AND ETHAN SPEW FORTH ON
CRANKY ACTORS, ON-SET LUST, INDIE MYTHS AND WHAT
MAKES THEIR NEXT TWO FLICKS UNIQUE

SEXY CINEMA

HOW TO DATE A GIRL SMARTER THAN YOU—NO THANKS
TO THE MAN SHOW AND BEER, WOMEN REMAIN MORE INTEL-
LIGENT THAN MEN. WILL LEE GIVES TIPS ON MATCHING WITS
WITH A BRAINY BABE. LESSON ONE: HOW TO TELL ANNA
KARENINA FROM ANNA KOURNIKOVA

THE HISTORY OF THE BLOW JOB—CLEOPATRA BLEW 100
ROMANS IN ONE DAY. THE CHINESE SAY GIVING HEAD IS A
PATH TO ENLIGHTENMENT. OUR RESOURCEFUL ARCHAEOLO-
GIST LOOKS AT FELLATIO'S ROOTS. BY DEBRA OLLIVIER

WILL FERRELL—SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE'S ACE MIMIC GIVES
DAVID RENSIN HIS SHTICK ON DOING JANET RENO, MOLLY
SHANNON'S BREASTS AND WHY NORM MACDONALD'S DRESS-
ING ROOM IS THE PLACE TO BE. A GOOFBALL 20Q

THE LETTERMAN—GREGOR'S BEEN SAVING FOR A HOOKER
IN AMSTERDAM, BUT IT'S HIS FATHER'S MISTRESS WHO
SEEMS A MORE LIKELY CANDIDATE FOR LUST. WHAT WILL PA-
PA SAY? FICTION BY ALICIA ERIAN

PLUS: THE CRAZY SLACKERS WHO BUILT MICROSOFT'S
X-BOX GAME SYSTEM, MARTINIS—THE KING OF COCKTAILS—
AND PLAYMATE LINDSEY VUOLO

Playboy (ISSN 0032-1478), October 2001, volume 48, number 10. Published monthly by Playboy in national and regional editions, Playboy, 680
North Lake Shore Drive, Chicago, Illinois 60611. Periodicals postage paid at Chicago, Illinois and at additional mailing offices. Canada Post Cana-
dian Publications Mail Sales Product Agreement No. 56162. Subscriptions: in the U.S., $29.97 for 12 issues. Postmaster: Send address change to

188 Playboy, РО. Box 2007, Harlan, Iowa 51537-4007. For subscription-related questions, e-mail circ@ny.playboy.com. Editorial: edit@playboy.com.

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