Skip to main content

Full text of "PLAYBOY"

See other formats 


A 1n қ A 

A DY 

"CENA LEE 

INTERVIEW E хаш ) \ NOLIN 

WILL SMITH x E! 

TAKES ON-ALI 2 ; SIRANGE 

FROM MISS USA BEDFELLOWS 
TO CENTERFOLD; 
DENNIS QUAID'S. 
NEW GIRLFRIEND 

GREAT CHRISTMAS 

GIFT STUFF 

A GRIDIRON 

TREASURE FROM 

OUR GIRL IN LA SHEL u 


FINDS AN ORGY} 
SENGTARS 7 7: 
"1 


$5 99 


3 
= лз 


> COLD |: HER 


М, ы уй 
RE 


> B 
Е 
q + 
ша 
es 
= ест TT 
O Philp Moris ne; 200! ч 


15 mg “tar” 11 mg nicotine av. per cigarette by FT method. 
The amount of “tar” and nicotine you inhale will 


SURGEON GENERAL'S WARNING: Cigarette 


Smoke Contains Carbon Monoxide. vary depending on how you smoke the cigarette, 
For more information about PMUSA and its products, 
visit www.philipmorrisusa.com or call 1-877-PMUSAWEB. 


9 


ШТ у 


The Magic 
of Style 


TEQUILA 
PATRON 
#1 Selling 
“Ultra Premium” 
100% Blue Agave Tequila 
Worldwide 


LADIES 
LOVE 
OUTLAWS 
E 


PYRAT 


1ST PLACE 
GOLD MEDAL 
WINNER! 


2000 & 2001 
AMERICAN 


=== 


| 
| 
PLANTERS Ol 
| ANGUILLA КОМ LID 


CARA MICHELLE DECEMBER 2000 PLAYBOY PLAYMATE 2 
PYRAT (800) 723-4767 > WWW.PYRATRUM.COM FROM THE CREATORS OF TEQUILA PATRON TEQUILA 


Playmate used wich pormission of Playboy 


N < 
N 
“ЖЩ ^ 1 
GEORGE | MAT | | BRAD ano JULIA 
| 
CLOONEY DAMON GARG PITT ROBERTS 
1207: 2 
ARE YOU IN OR OUR? 


www.oceanstinet America Online Keyword: Осе 


Miaybill 


HE KNOWS when we've been naughty, he knows when we've 
been nice. He knows why we love Gena Lee Nolin, the bikini- 
bursting jungle queen of TV's Sheena. Mele Kalikimaka is the 
way they say Merry Christmas in Hawaii, Gena's old Baywatch 
hangout. Woo-haa is the way to say thanks to photographer 
Stephen Wayda, who shot Gena’s shape-shifting pictorial. 

Back in the concrete jungle, Jamie Malanowski takes a live- 
ly look at Washington's bedroom follies in Strange Bedfellows, 
while former White House counsel and Watergate whistle- 
blower John Dean explains how the world changed after Nixon NDR — | 
in Scandals and Scoundrels. Friction between political adver- 
saries can be just the right thing in the sack. Steve Almond, who Í 
wrote the story How to Love a Republican, knows all about bi- 
partisan congress. (Steven Guarnaccia did the art.) 

In his most daunting role yet, Will Smith plays the Greatest in 
Ali. After a string of hit records, his own TV vehicle and block- 
busters like Men in Black and Independence Day, this could be 
Smith's knockout performance. Read the Playboy Interview by 
Michael Fleming. Catherine Bell, from "TV's JAG, is another star 
with plenty to say. In our 20 Questions by Robert Crane, it's easy 
to see how she talked her way up from a start as a nude body ALMOND 
double. Blood Test, our fiction by Andrew Vachss, is about a dif- 
ferent kind of body—the dead kind—and learning a new ca- 
reer: contract killing. (The painting is by Phil Hole.) 

If you followed PLAYBOY's college basketball picks last sea- 
son, you got your biggest Christmas gift in March—enough 
money to watch from courtside this year. That's because Gary 
Cole and David Kaplan predicted the finalists of March Mad- 
ness. The two are back with their annual hoops scoops in 
Playboy's College Basketball Preview. Fans of gridiron battles can 
turn to Football by Shel Silverstein, with art from Arnold Roth. 
Speaking of the uprights, what's the latest on Viagra? Turns 
out it could soon be supplanted by much more effective gene 
therapy. Read Beyond Viagra by Michael Parrish. Still want to get 
all hot and bothered? We recommend Orgy in Pasadena by Ka- 
tie Moran, She headed out to Los Angeles’ valleys and found a 
steamy, sticky world of porn stars and Hollywood honeys. 

То put some bounce in our annual music poll, we sent Tony 
Green to get inside Outkast, the Southern hip-hoppers who 
have critics, skatepunks and beatnuts all raving. Our Celebrity 
Christmas Carols by Robert 5. Wieder (illustrated by Steve Brodner) 5 à ` 
are like an office holiday party—a bit crude and goofy, only in- \ | кот PARRISH 
terrupted when somebody laughs so hard that spiked eggnog 
comes out his nose. 

Ever been to Iceland? No trees, lots of drop-dead gorgeous 
women. Fashion editor Joseph De Acetis figured it would be the 
perfect place to put new winter gear to our test: Is it warm, 
and does it turn girls’ heads? Another way to induce whiplash 
on the street: Pull up in a Ferrari like the one showcased in 
Precious Metal by Ken Gross. Hotel Deluxe, a pictorial shot by Gui- 
do Argentini, gives new meaning to the words room service. It 
will arouse your holiday spirit 

. 


— 


The terrible events of September 11 changed many lives 
and will alter our nation's future. In a Men column written 
days after the hijackings, Asa Baber puts an important per- 
spective on that day—and has sobering words about how to 
deal with terrorism. 

PLAYBOY also mourns the passing of Contributing Photog- 
rapher Richard Fegley, who for nearly 30 years created bril- 
nt images of beautiful women. He will be deeply missed in 
our world. 


North Lake Shore Drive, Chicago, Illinois 60611. Periodicals postage paid at Chicago, Illinois and at additional mailing offices. Canada Post 
dian Publications Mail Sales Product Agreement No. 40035534. Subscriptions: in the U.S., $29.97 for 12 issues. Postmaster: Send address change to 
Playboy, PO. Box 2007, Harlan, lowa 51537-4007. For subscription-related questions, e-mail circGUny playboy.com. Editorial: edit@playboycom. 5 


vol. 48, no.12—december 2001 


contents 


features 


74 STRANGE BEDFELLOWS 
In pursuit of better government, our nation’s capital hosts a robust invasion of 
eager young women. Truth is, sex and scandal have enlivened D.C. since the days 
of Alexander Hamilton. BY JAMIE MALANOWSKI 
PLUS: Scandals and Scoundrels. BY JOHN DEAN 


86 BEYOND VIAGRA 
New gene therapies may do more than hoist your mainsail. Target-specific, 
they could have you performing like a 17-year-old—but with complete control. 
BY MICHAEL PARRISH 


104 BABY, STOP! WE'RE ON TV 
We're not ashamed—we like reality TV. But, please—where's the action? Where's 
the sex? Playboy TV's new show, 7 Lives Xposed, fills an important hole. 


106 ORGY IN PASADENA 
When it comes to swinging, nothing compares to the clubs in LA's valleys. 
Porn stars, Hollywood starlets and bi-friendly babes get down—then 
sweaty. BY KATIE MORAN 


108 CELEBRITY CHRISTMAS CAROLS 
Angelina Jolie joins Julia, Mel, Tiger, Tony and Dick for our seasonal toast. 
Grab some eggnog and ring in the holiday smear. BY ROBERT S. WIEDER 


112 FOOTBALL 
Up and back, trying to score. Going for the sack. Third and inches. Whoops!—ille- 
gal use of the hands. Sound familiar? An unpublished treasure about our second- 
favorite pastime. BY SHEL SILVERSTEIN 


131 COLLEGE BASKETBALL PREVIEW 
With awesome accuracy, last year our guys picked the top two teams—Duke and 
Arizona—and their order of finish. We expect no less as they name this year's stand- 
out squads and players. BY GARY COLE AND DAVID KAPLAN 


142 PLAYBOY MUSIC POLL 2001 
Vote early. Vote oflen. 


147 OUTKAST NO MORE 
Hip-hop sensations Dre and Big Boi plunder every source, from Indian and ri С ОМЕТ 5 tory 
music sounds to computer breakbeats. It's Seventies funk and punk mashed together Сепо Lee Nolin, o former Miss Los Vegos ond 
and served with dirty Southern style. BY TONY GREEN Price Is Right model, enjoyed her role os o trou- 
blemoking Baywatch naiad. Now, she’s on her 
моу into o second season of Sheeno, as queen 
of the jungle. Gena morphs into ponthers, 


155 CENTERFOLDS ON SEX: NATALIA SOKOLOVA 
Natalia loves to head south. And she's not averse to a protein smoothie when 


she gets there. tigers ond eogles, but on our cover—shot by 
156 20Q CATHERINE BELL Stephen Woydo—she’s all woman. Thanks to 
On TV's JAG, Catherine Bell breaks uniform regulations with her tight shirts. Adriani, holy for the Swarovski crystal bikini top. 


In real life, she kickboxes and likes to play video games with big-busted heroines. 
And she speaks Farsi—like a sailor. BY ROBERT CRANE 


interview 


59 WILL SMITH 
Despite generating billions with his movies and music, Will Smith—the one- 
time Fresh Prince—says entertainment is a pit stop on the way to his true 
greatness. In а heavyweight Playboy Interview, he discusses Muhammad Ali, 
Nelson Mandela and a racist nun. BY MICHAEL FLEMING 


vol. 48, no.12—december 2001 


PLAYBOY 


| contents continued | continued 


pictorials 


HOTEL DELUXE 

With this kind of room service, 
guests check in—but never 
check out. 


BEBE STILL ROCKS 
Playmate Bebe Buell uas an inspi- 
ration for Almost Famous. She's 
loved rock's elite—and vice versa. 


PLAYMATE: 

SHANNA MOAKLER 

The former Miss USA has a fa- 
mous boyfriend and a land. 


SEX STARS 

Super-lowriders made this year's 

wild bunch belly interesting. 

GENA LEE NOLIN 

On TY, Gena is of the 

jene I dean she shes pur 
lion king roar. 


fiction 


94 


BLOOD TEST 

A new assassin must learn the 
ropes. The first rule is io listen to 
the boss. EY ANDREW VACHSS 


HOW TO LOVE 

A REPUBLICAN 

Party animosity can lead to great 
sex. But what if Bush 
wins? BY STEVE ALMOND 


notes and news 


MIDSUMMER NIGHT’S 
DREAM PARTY 


MIDSUMMER—ACT TWO 
THE PLAYBOY FORUM 
PLAYMATE NEWS 


departments 


PLAYBILL 
DEAR PLAYBOY 


126 
174 
211 
212 
214 


AFTER HOURS 

WIRED 

LIVING ONLINE 

MEN 

MANTRACK 

THE PLAYBOY ADVISOR 
PARTY JOKES 

WHERE AND HOW TO BUY 
ON THE SCENE 
GRAPEVINE 
POTPOURRI 


lifestyle 


PLAYBOY'S CHRISTMAS 
GIFT GUIDE 

A cell phone and PDA combo, lots 
of liquor, DVDs and a 400-disc 
player. Get shopping, guys. 


FASHION: TECH TREK 

We maintain a glacial calm in the 
‘face of winter's worst—in Iceland. 
BY JOSEPH ПЕ ACETIS 
PRECIOUS METAL 

Visions of sugarplums? We'll take 
these speedsters from Bugatti, Fer- 
vari and Porsche. BY KEN GROSS 


reviews 


34 


MUSIC 

Iggy Pop, Suzanne Vega, 
Rachid Taha. 

MOVIES 

Gift books, Marisa Coughlan 
fingered. 

VIDEO 

Sex on the set, Michael Apted, 
slasher favorites. 

BOOKS 

Outrageous stuff on music, cock- 
tails and atomic-age design 


GENERAL OFFICES PLAYBOY. 680 NOFTH LAKE SHORE CRIVE. CHICAGO. nu 


ERMACIÓN, MEXICO RESERVA OF ресснов бе 200007 1710332800 10 


PRINTED IN U.S.A. 


PLAYBOY 


HUGH M. HEFNER 
editor-in-chief 


ARTHUR KRETCHMER editorial director 
JONATHAN BLACK managing editor 
TOM STAEBLER art director 
GARY COLE photography director 
JOHN REZEK associate managing editor 
KEVIN BUCKLE’ 


/, STEPHEN RANDALL executive editors 
LEOPOLD FROEHLICH assistant managing editor 


EDITORIAL 


FORUM: JAMES R. PETERSEN senior staff wriler; CHIP ROWE associate editor; PATTY LAMBERTI editorial 
assistant; MODERN LIVING: DAVID STEVENS editor 
administrative assistant; STAFF: 


JASON BUHRMESTER assistant edilor; DAN HENLEY 
RISTOPHER NAPOLITANO senior editor; ALISON LUNDGREN, BARBARA 
NELLIS associate editors; ROBERT В. DESALVO assistant editor; TIMOTHY MOHR junior editor; REAGAN 
BROOKS, LINDA FEIDELSON, HELEN FRANGOULIS, HEATHER HAEBE, CAROL KUBALEK, HARRIET PEASE. OLGA 
STAVROPOULOS editorial assistants; CARTOONS: MICHELLE URRY editor; JENNIFER THIELE assistant; 
COPY: BRETT HUSTON associate editor; ANAHEED ALANI, ANNE SHERMAN assistant editors; REMA 
SMITH senior researcher; GEORGE НОРАК. ВАК! NASH, KRISTEN SWANN researchers; MARK DURAN 


research librarian; тім GALVIN, JOSEPH HIGAREDA, JOAN MCLAUGHLIN Proofreaders; BRYAN BRAUER 
assistant; CONTRIBUTING EDITOR 


SA BABER, JOSEPH DE ACETIS (FASHION), JOE DOLCE, 
GRETCHEN EDGREN, LAWRENCE GROBEL. KEN GROSS, WARREN KALBACKER. D. KEITH MANO, 
JOE MORGENSTERN, DAVID RENSIN. DAVID SHEFF 


ART 

KERIG POPE managing art director; SCOTT ANDERSON, BRUCE HANSEN, CHET SUSKI, LEN WILLIS senior 

art directors; ков WILSON assistant art director; PAUL CHAN Senior arl assistant; JOANNA METZGER art 
assistant; CORTEZ WELLS arl services coordinator; LORI PAIGE SELDEN senior art administrator 


PHOTOGRAPHY 
MARILYN GRABOWSKI west coast editor; им LARSON managing editor; KEVIN KUSTER STEPHANIE MORRIS 
senior editors; PATTY BEAUDET-FRANCES associate edit 'ENAY LARSON assistant editor; RICHARD 
FEGLEY, ARNY FREYTAG, RICHARD 1201, DAVID MECEY, BYRON NEWMAN, POMPEO POSAR, STEPHEN WAYDA 
contributing photographers; GEORGE GEORGIOU staff photographer; вил. WHITE studio manager— 
Ins angeles; ELIZABETH GEORGIOU manager, photo library; ANDREA BRICKMAN, 
PENNY EKKERT. GISELA ROSE production coordinators 


JAMES N. DIMONEKAS publisher 


PRODUCTION 
MARIA MANDIS director; KITA JOHNSON manager; JODY JURGETO, CINDY PONTARELLL RICHARD 
QUARTAROLL. DEBBIE TILLOU associate managers; JOE CANE. BARB TEKIELA Dfesellers; BILL BENWAY, 
SIMMIE WILLIAMS prepress; CHAR KROWCZYK, ELAINE PERRY assistants 


CIRCULATION 
LARRY A DJERF newsstand sales director; PHYLLAS HOTUNNO subscription circulation director 


ADVERTISING 
PHYLLIS KESSLER new york advertising manager: Jor HOFFER midwest sales manager; HELEN 
BIANCULLL. direct response manager; VERKI BUNOFSKY marketing director; DONNA TAVOSO creative 
services director; CAROL STUCKHARDT research director; NEW YORK: ELISABETH AULEPE LORI 


BLINDER. SUE JAFFE; CALIFORNIA: DENISE SCHIPPER; CHICAGO: WADE BAXTER. BILL ROUSE; 
ATLANTA: BILL BENT 


SARAH HUEY, GREG MADDOCK; MARIE FIRNENO advertising business 
manager; KARA SARISKY advertising coordinator 


READER SERVICE 
MIKE OSTROWSKI, LINDA STROM Correspondents 


ADMINISTRATIVE 
MARCIA TERRONES rights & permissions director 


PLAYBOY ENTERPRISES INTERNATIONAL, ING. 
CHRISTIE HEFNER chairman, chief executive officer 
MICHAEL Т. CARR president, publishing division 


RING IM THE ПЕШ SEAR 777 
probe, o H EXPERIENCE 


E THIS 

New Year's Eve, you, a platinum 
blonde Playboy Playmate and the 
Playboy Mansion. It's the chance of 
a lifetime and Michelob Light wants 
you to be there. Get the full details 
and enter for your chance to win by 


k 


logging on to www.MICHELOB.com 
LS 


. HEFNER 


-0Е- 


Феееееееееееееееееееее 


comedycentralecom 


Hef's tribute to lingerie and less has become 
Hollywood's hottest summer ticket. Here's a 
taste of the dreamy debauchery. (1) Shanna 
Moakler with boyfriend Dennis Quaid. (2) The 
host and platinum pretties Kimberley Stan- 
field, Dalene Kurtis, Christi Shake, Tina Jor- 
dan, Tiffany Holliday and Stephanie Heinrich. 
(3) Kimberley with British supermodel Jor- 
dan. (4) Director Michael Bay with Lisa 
Dergan. (5) Hef and Mr. Bizkit peace out. (6) 
Rocker David Lee Roth and former heavy- 
weight champ Joe Frazier agog at the gals. 
(7) Charlize Theron gets cozy with her date. 
(8) Garry Marshall with pretty women Spar- 
row Heatley and Teri Ivens. (9) Stephanie 
Tiefry spreads her wings. (10) Kylie Bax with 
Sean Walsh, (11) Quentin Tarantino gets 
a smooch from Playmate Ava Fabian. (12) Bo- 
som buddies Jordan and Tina cuddle up. (13) 
Tanya Garrett and Peter Cornell take a dip. 
(14) Hef and gal pals lounging on his circular 
bed. (15) Mr. Playboy completes Jennifer 
Walcott’s costume. (16) Go-go girls wearing 
naught but paint. 


(1) Painted ladies ready to party. (2) 
Bill Maher, Tanya Callan and Alan 
Thicke. (3) Near-naked nymphs re- 
sponding to Ravi's beat. (4) Verne 
„ | | Troyer takes a licking from Donna 
№ D'Errico. (5) Randy revelers Amy 
Miller, Tiffany Holliday and Carrie 
«|i Gonzales. (6) World-famous DJ Paul Oaken- 
*. fold. (7) Home-run sensation Sammy Sosa 
_ with Hef, Tina and Stephanie. (8) Herbie Han- 
^ cock chats up the Man. (9) Indiana Pacers star 
Reggie Miller is in good company on Hef’s vi- 
brating bed. (10) Sabrina, the Teenage Witch star 
Melissa Joan Hart. (11) September Survivor 
cover girl Jerri Manthey trades the outback for 
Hef's hedonism. (12) The Dahm triplets party 
like rock stars with Foo Fighters Taylor Haw- 
kins and Dave Grohl. (13) Thora Birch and 
Tara Reid. (14) Craig Kilborn makes his move. 
(15) Tennis legend Jimmy Connors and Play- 
7. mate wife Patti McGuire with their kids, Brett 
D3 and Aubree. (16) Crispin Glover, Rick James 
and Ava Fabian are wearing pajamas but aren't 
going to bed any time soon. 


rar 


` [Jack Daniel Distillery, 


Here’sto friends who are like Е amily. And vice versa. 


Happy Holidays from the Jack Daniel’s family. 


ж 


= 


Make 


¡ys memorable, Please celebrate res Ж ИЙ 
re SPIRE 
teda 


© Coy US LLC. wwwslelsancologne.cam 


GOLOGNE FOR MEN 


Dear Playboy 


680 NORTH LAKE SHORE DRIVE 
CHICAGO, ILLINOIS 60611 
E-MAIL DIARPBGOPLAYBOY COM. 


SURVIVE AND CONQUER 
She's smart. She's sexy. She's strong. 

Jerri Manthey (Survivor, September) is 
one ofthe most desirable women I've ev- 
er seen in rLavnov. I barely survived her 
pictorial. 

Don Coker 

Boca Raton, Florida 


Anyone who would banish this woman 
from the outback needs a psychiatrist. 
Glen Watson 
Danville, Illinois 


Colby is a two-time loser. He missed 
ош оп an easy million dollars and on bed- 
ding the beautiful Jerri. 

Todd Smith 
Isle of Palms, South Carolina 


She's а survivor. 


Jerri is a woman who has serious is- 
sues. She believes that men are threat- 
ened by her power, but her only power is 
manipulation. 

Chris Roy 
Dover, Delaware 


Why is everyone trying to make ce- 
lebrities of the Survivor women? Their 
15 minutes are over. Let's pull the plug. 

‘Tom Wieduwilt 
Glendale, Arizona 


Amber Brkich said in Stuff magazine 
that if she had to pick another female 
cast member of Survivor to have sex with, 
Jerri would be the one. And then Jer- 
ri shows up nude in PLAYBOY. It's almost 
too good to be true. 

Don Williams 

Dallas, Texas 


FAST TRACK 
Preconceptions are often misconcep- 
tions—and nothing proves that better 
than Kevin Cook's Playboy Interview with 
Dale Earnhardt Jr. (September). Never a 
true fan of his dad's, I just assumed that 
Junior was a second-generation driver 
trying to ride on his father's coattails. 
But I was mistaken. He's wise beyond his 
years and has a refreshingly sane atti- 
tude toward life—especially in an age of 
athletes who are overpaid, underworked 
and controlled by agents and sponsors. 
Ed Estes 
Tampa, Florida 


I've always been а fan of both Dale Sr. 
and Jr. If anyone can fill his father's tire 
tracks, it's Junior. 

Tan Reynolds 
Port Deposit, Maryland 


Not only is Junior a total babe, he's al- 
so a great Nascar driver and a legend in 
the making. 
Liz Wright 
Orlando, Florida 


PLAYBOY sso} 0032 тулат сесемвен 2001, VOLUME ае NUMBER 13, ҮЗ К MONDAY БҮ теди BRO NORTH LAKE SHORE CINE CHICAGO. кі: 


ADVERTISEMENT 


JAZZ UP 
THE HOLIDAYS! 


Stetson Cologne and Playboy invite you to 
celebrate the season with the ultimate gift 
a trip to the 2002 Playboy Jazz Festival. Enter 
for your chance to win a four-day trip to 
Los Angeles to attend the 2002 Playboy Jazz 
Festival. Includes round-trip airfare, box 
seats for two nights at the Festival, VIP 
tickets for a private party at the Playboy 


Mansion, plus $500 in spending money. 


To enter log on to 
stetsoncologne.com 


STETSON 


No purchase necessary. Must be 21 or older to enter. 
Open to US. residents. Entries must be received 
by December 4, 2001. For complete rules log on to 


wwwstetsoncologne.com. 


2001 lay 
Тауке, Pine Fus Festa aa the Payer Marien ne suska q taka and 
aie roel wah permease 


PLAYBOY 


NEVER MIND 
‘Thanks for the brilliant piece on Kurt 
Cobain (Heavier Than Heaven: The Fall of 
Kurt Cobain, September). You helped a 
true fan discover new things. 
Eddie Green 


Laconia, New Hampshire 


Cobain was not a messiah; he was just 
a musician. Let it go. The stoners of the 
world have already forgotten him and 
the rest of us just don't care. 
Joel Cummings 
Fort MacMurray, Alberta 


DALENE COMES CLEAN 
Dalene Kurtis is breathtaking (Dalene, 
September). The completely smooth 
look is becoming as popular in the U.S. 
as it is abroad. So what took so long? 
David Doerr 
Clarksville, Tennessee 


Almost 20 years after PLAYBOY'S debut, 

a Playmate's pubic hair was first shown. 

It took you guys longer than that to fea- 

ture a Playmate with no pubic hair at all. 

For years, men who asked their women 

to “take it all off” risked being accused of 

perversion. These arguments stand no 

more in the face of girl-next-door Dalene. 
Steven Beauchamp 

New York, New York 


Smooth as silk. 


I'm ecstatic that the Playmate in the 
first issue of лувоу I could legally buy 
is a woman from my hometown. Home- 
grown hottic Dalene has my vote for 
PMOY 2002. 

Javier Herrera 
Bakersfield, California 


TORTURED TRUTH 
Puzzle Man: When a Soldier Dies With 


18 His Secrets (September) is brilliant, 


although its disturbing that Asa Baber 
could produce a piece of fiction that 
speaks so convincingly of the mind of a 
mass murderer. 
Beth Hartmann 
Columbus, Ohio 


Baber has an incisive mind when it 

comes to gauging the current climate of 

This month's fictional sto- 

ry on MeVeigh’s hypothetical reasons 

for his actions represents Baber's finest 

work. The article seemed more probable 

than any conjecture yet for what hap- 

pened in Oklahoma City. 

Chuck Sheehan 

Palm Beach, Florida 


GROUP GROPE 

We appreciate Chip Rowe's protecting 
our identities in his piece about swingers 
(Group Sex, Fourth Floor, September), but 
we're out of the closet and happy with 
our lifestyle. That's why we're writing to 
invite couples to attend our next Erotic 
Fair. Visit clubadventure.org or stop by 


nasca.com to find other local clubs. For € 
information on the national convention | 


of the North American Swing Club Asso- 
cation, held each year in Reno, Nevada, 
go to lifestyles-convention.com 
Ron and Sue Gould 
Chicago, Illinois 


THE GOOSE FLIES HIGH 
Great job on the Tony Siragusa piece 
(The Goose, September). He's a hero to 
working-class guys in this country. 
Tim Buckner 
Marshall, North Carolina 


Finally, a sports hero I can relate to— 
aloud, overweight, not-so-great-looking 
Italian with a sense of humor. Way to 
go, Goose. 

Tommy Malabo 
Tucson, Arizona 


RED MEAT 
I love a good steak, so I was thrilled to 
read John Mariani's High Steaks (Sep- 
tember). It's a shame he didn't make it to 
Тома, where meat is stellar. AJ's Steak- 
house in Grinnell boasts the world's larg- 
est steak—the Big Kahuna—and, at 205 
ounces, you've never seen anything like 
it. They also have the best T-shirt slogan 
Гуе seen: BECAUSE SIZE MATTERS! 
Sarah Breemer 
Grinnell, lowa 


How could you have overlooked the 
Sheepherder's Inn in Sacramento when 
putting together your list? Their steaks 
melt in your mouth. 
Ch е McDowell 
Sacramento, California 


"The September issue arrived the day 
before my wife and 1 went on a trip to 
Dallas. I noticed Al Biernat's named as 
one of the top steakhouses in the High 


Steaks article. On your recommendation, 
we checked it out. The porterhouse is 
spectacular and the service is top-notch. 
It was one of the best steaks I've had in a 
state with a reputation for great steaks. 

Eric Aikin 

The Woodlands, Texas 


You've covered the 12 best steakhous- 
es in America. Now how about an article 
on the 12 best vegetarian restaurants in 


High steaks. 


the country? Yes, vegetarian playboys 
do exist, and rLavgov readers might be 
surprised at the number of women 
who prefer veg hunks over carnivores 
for lovers. 
Bob St. Clai 
Redwood City, California 


According to Mariani, Lee Marvin or- 
ders John Wayne to pick upa slab of beef 
dropped on the steakhouse floor in the 
film The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance. Y 
wrote the screenplay for that movie and 
1 would like to point out that Marvin or- 
ders James Stewart, not Wayne, to pick 
up the steak. Mariani errs again in h 
choice of Harrisas the best steakhouse in 
San Francisco. As a voracious consum- 
er of good beef and a frequent visitor to 
San Francisco, I can unequivocally state 
that the House of Prime Rib is head and 
shoulders above the rest. 

James Bellah 
Sacramento, California 

Guess it’s been a while since you've seen the 
movie. First, Mariani correctly describes that 
it was John Wayne who ordered Lee Marvin 
lo pick up the steak in your movie The Man 
Who Shot Liberty Valance. Second, Mariani 
omitted San Francisco's House of Prime Rib 
because it’s not a steakhouse—it's a tourist 
destination that features, not surprisingly, 
prime rib. Third, according to Who Was Who 
in America, you died of a heart attack on Sep- 
tember 22, 1976, and are buried in plot 313 
G-18 in Los Angeles National Cemetery. That 
notwithstanding, we've been meaning to tell 
you how much we love Rio Grande with John 
Wayne, a movie for which you also wrote 


the story. 
E 


ONE THING’S FOR SURE: 
AUSTRALIA’S SETTLERS DIDN’T SURVIVE 


MAN-EATING CROCS, POISONOUS SNAKES AND DEADLY SPIDERS 


ONLY TO DIE OF THIRST. 


> Se 


Q FOSTER'S. AUSTRALIAN FOR BEER. — — — — 


np orentost Talane туу о! 


U 444 LALLA] 
JDEL SIEGEL, 6000 MORNING AMEDICA 


< 2 > 


пш was HEALS 18 ШЕ: NOW! 


INCLUDES 49 


77) mm ADDITIONAL 
; Med | MINUTES 


pee 


RANDE TELECOM Video amazon.com. Ў № 


aft 


er 


hours 


A GUY'S GUIDE TO WHAT'S HIP AND WHAT'S HAPPENING 


THE SIX SECRETS TO GETTING 
A SECOND BLOW JOB 


Eat out first: And we're not talking 
about sweetening your natural essence 
with a trip to the juice bar. Go down on 
her. Ifyou drink from the furry cup first, 
it will whet her appetite for you. While 
men often grow catatonic after climax, 
women are usually energized. Recipro- 
cation is part of the deal, so do things in 
the natural order. 

Be clean: Who cares if you took a show- 
er in the morning? If you've handled 
your divining rod during the day, you've 
probably acquired a grubbiness that isn't 
pleasing to her palate. 

Talk dirty: We don't mean you should 
show off your profanisaurus (unless, of 


DRINK OF THE MONTH 


Usually 

a bar 
known 
for 

man- 
holes isn't 
attracting 
anything 


SCRATCHING AN ITCH 


It's hard to depict eroticism on film, particularly moments and feelings that 
have any amount of kink. That's why fetishists should rejoice that Steve Diet 
Goedde has delivered The Beauty of Fetish, Volume ІІ (Edition Stemmle), a se- 
quel to his impressive first foray into the ineffable. Here he documents the tex- 
tures of latex, PVC, leather and other forms of restriction. Goedde avaids the 
dungeon and seeks out natural settings. Thanks to this effect, the curious un- 
derpants and trimmings are no longer silly —they're persuasive and hot. 


course, you know she likes that sort of 
thing). Rather, let her know when she 
does it right— Yes, just like that. Ah.” 

Pull the rip cord early: Now is not the 
time to demonstrate your staying power 
Ever hear of cockjaw? 


Give seismographic warnings; When you 
fcel your toes start to curl and your brain 
is about to sneeze, tell her you're close. 
Don't worry about how she'll handle the 
finale; be happy there is one. 

Praise for a job well done: Most wom 


21 


PLAYBOY 


are insecure about their ability to give 
head. They feel as if you're mentally 
comparing their technique against that 
of the dozens (OK, half a dozen) of pro- 
ficient girls who have given you the lov- 
ing touch. Remember: The best blow job 
is the one you just had. 


SWEATS SHOP 


Outre, the periodical of Amer- 
ican pop culture, ran an article 
recently on men's magazines of 


yesteryear that featured scantily clad 
women in improbable situations. The 
magazines (Men, True Men, Man’s Adven- 
ture, etc.) were called sweats—their cover 
girls were always in perspiration-pro- 
voking situations. Their cover lines were 
terrific, too: “Love Practices of Immor- 


“Nude Queen of the Commu- 
nist Cannibals!" It made us nostalgic for 
more than just the Cold War. 


TALK ON THE WILD SIDE 


In New York, the talk-radio duo of 
Opie and Anthony (Gregg Hughes and 
Anthony Cumia) are known for distrib- 
uting black-and-yellow wow bumper 
stickers. wow stands for Whip'em Out 
Wednesday, the signal for women to 
flash their tits at drivers on hump day. 
The response to this running gag and 


ANNA GETS WET 


There's little not to like about the 
video Anna Kournikova; Basic Ele- 
ments, My Camplete Fitness Guide 
(Lions Gate). She jumps rope and 
rolls around with her stability ball 
in a room whose dominant feature, 
besides Anna, is an oversize Orien- 
tal rug—a Nain? A Tabriz? Dunno. 
And we have no idea whether her 
workout or her nu- 

trition tips are effec- 

tive. None at all. And 

we've watched the 

tape a lot. 


bars have wrappers printed with pi 


every month—just the way we like it. 


CHOCOLATE CHEESECAKE 


The next best thing to a woman covered in chocolate is a chocolate covered іп 
Woman. That's where the new candy bars from chef Maribel Lieberman come 
in, just in time for Christmas. Created at Maribel's Sweets in Manhattan, Ihe 
-ор images from the Thirties and Forties: 
IMaribel's chocolates are handmade in the U.S. and France, using а process 
Worthy of a long but female-friendly Miramax movie. They are sold separate- 
М or as a boxed set that comes with a display stand. Best of all, there's one for 


the afternoon cringe radio show has 
been huge, and Infinity Broadcasting 
has begun syndicating the show in other 
cities (Chicago, Dallas and Philadelphia, 
with more to come). Opie and Anthony 
pick up where Howard Stern leaves off; 
their show is more egalitarian and bois- 
terous, a bit less weird and freaky. And, 
in terms of emphasis on sex, they may 
have even surpassed the master. We 
stopped by their studio to probe 
the secrets of their success. 
How do you "Guess What's in 
My Pants”? 


15 call in and rub the 
phone on their crotches. We 
can tell by car what kind of 
hairstyle they have, like the Hit- 
ler Mustache, the Mohawk 
Wr or the Wood Floor. 
ANTHONY: For the Hit- 
ler Mustache, you'll hear the 
sound of bare skin on the side- 
to-side rub, then a rougher 
sound that indicates hair. Al- 
though it could also sound like 
a Mohawk. You have to have a 
trained ear. 
What's the most popular style? 
one: It's definitely the Wood 
Floor. Women are shaving it all, 
taking it all off. 
Why would a woman get naked for you? 
оме: They enjoy it, and the ones who 
do the crazier stuff get recognized a lot. 
ANTHONY: The girl who wowed the To- 
day show hangs at a bar where my broth- 
er's band plays. There are all these fans 
there. It’s like a little subculture. 


оме: Whip'em Out Wednesday proves 
women like to have fun. They're not as 
uptight and conservative as you think 
When we started wow, we never imag- 
ined it would be this big. We get calls 
from housewives with kids and normal 
lives. They love us because there are 
many layers to our show. We're not pigs 
all the time. 

What's the most vile thing that you've seen? 
Оюк: Probably the genital warts 
on Sandy Kane. It was like a 
cauliflower ear sticking out of 
her genitalia. 

ANTHONY: Or the videotape 
of a 100-усаг-о lady having 
sex. She had a little ЕЛ. body, 
and, man, that was rough. 

How do you explain that al 
Thanksgiving dinner? 

ori: My mom will sa 
heard those girls on the le: 
couch on your show today and 
1 turned it right off.” 

ANTHONY: They turn it off 
before they have to say, "Holy 
shit, what is my son saying?" 1 
try not to think about it 

You two have a ton of raunchy 
expressions. Which ones are your 

favorites? 

ANTHONY: Balloon knot. It describes 

the asshole. 

отк: 1 like to use whale's eye for vagi- 

na. Or yam bag to describe the scrotum, 

What makes for a great listener call-in? 

ANTHONY: Somebody who is cither 

sharp and quick or a total idiot 

What turns you off? 


depressed, "Single girls get lonely on all major holidays, and I'm no exception. Romance is in the air, 
and that is when we realize that we are alone. New Year's Eve, Valentine's Day, even Sweetest Day, These Hallmark. 
moments are when we want to slit our throats in sorrow. We take it personally. We're willing to do just about anything 
to get a man to notice us. If there is a poor soul you'd like to bag without а big fuss, send her a card, make a phone 
call and ask her to dinner during the holidays. It's a sure thing." 


ANTHONY: When a woman cuts all her 
off—not for looks but because it's 

asier. The next thing you know, this 
sexy girl is looking like your friend Bob. 

ori: I once dated a woman who had а 
foul-smelling crotch. It almost ruined 
me for life. 1 thought all women smelled. 
I would drive home with my hand out 
the window. The joke is that when I 
broke up with her, my bad breath went 
away. 


PLAYBOY PLAYLIST 


DJ Crash has hit upon the best way to 
get invited to hot-ticker Mansion bashes: 


He provides the beats. A DJ for nearly 
1 s, Crash was discovered by Hef at 
Barfly during a Friday night dance par- 
ty. You want to put on your pajamas and 
make like your bathtub is the Grotto? 
Then crank up Crash's top party songs: 

Eve (featuring Gwen Stefani): Let Me 
Blow Ya Mind 

Ја Rule: Put It on Me 

Dusted (Paul Van Dyk remix): Always 
Remember to Respect Your Mother 

Mary J. Blige: Family Affair 

А9: Do You Like the Way You Feel When 
You Shake? 

Missy Elliott: One Minute Man 

Nelly: Ride Wit Me 


SPECIAL TEAMS COORDINATOR 


—LM., Dallas 


Ludacris (with Pharrell): Southern 
Hospitality 

Nat Monday: Waiting 

Nelly: Е.Л. 

Dr. Dre with Snoop Dogg: The Next 
Episode 

Shaggy: Angel 

Missy Elliott: Get Ur Freak 
On 

DMX: Party Up (Up in 
Her) 

Jay 


WAITING TO INHALE 


Dr. Michael Le 
gastroenterologist at 
the Veterans Adminis- 
tration Medical Center 
in Minneapolis, is the 
first name in farts. He has 
received a lot of mail 
about the relative value of 
his research and wheth- 
er И the best use of a 
man’s intellectual gifts. 
But his hours in the lab 
have yielded some fas- 
cinating conclusions 
that will not dissipate in 
the winds of science. For exam- 
ple, each day the average American lets 
loose enough hot air to inflate a balloon. 
(The number of farts 15 10.) What makes 
‘ет smelly? Dr. Levitt eschewed com- 
mon wisdom (that indole and skatole 
created during digestion are the cul- 
prits) and correctly id 4 hydrogen 
sulphide as the main offensive ingre- 
dient. He also dispelled the “anecdotal 


: I0 (H.O.V.A.) 


"Actually; I'm 
gonna cup as 
many male 
celebrities bums 
as possible—it's 
my yeor to be 
the groupi 
—Sandra Bullock 4 


ac BEST THINGS 
НЕ Fe ARE BASI 
$* 


L 


© Philip Moris Inc. 2001 


15 mg “tar,” 1.0 mg nicotine ev. per cigarette by FTC method. Š Б 
The amount of “tar” and nicotine you inhale will SURGEON GENERAL'S WARNING: Smoking 
Causes Lung Cancer, Heart Disease, 


vary depending on how you smoke the cigarette. 
For more information about PM USA and its products, Emphysema, And May Complicate Pregnancy. 


visit www. philipmorrisusa.com or call 1-87 7-PMUSAWEB. 


26 


SIGNIFICA, INSIGNIFICA, STATS AND FACTS 


QUOTE 

“The price of 
Prozac went up 50 
percent last year. 
When they asked 
Prozac users 
how they felt 
about this, they 
said, 'Whatever.'” 

—CONAN O'BRIEN 


CREME DE LA 
CRIME 

According to the 
French Interior 
Ministry and the 
FBI, the number 
of crimes per 
100,000 people in 
France last year: 
4244. The number 
of crimes per 
100,000 people in 
the U.S. last year: 
4135. 


PLASTIC FANTASTIC 
In a survey of 
3000 women by Top Santé magazine, 
the percentage dissatisfied with their 
bodies: 90. Percentage who said they 
would like to undergo plastic surgery: 
66. Percentage who believe their sex 
lives would improve if they got a boob 
job: 39. Percentage of women who 
have undergone plastic surgery and 
say their lives have improved: 75. 


RINSE AND REPEAT 
In a survey by Hilton Hotels, the 
percentage of married people who 
would choose a different mate if they 
could relive their lives: 16. Percent- 
age of unmarried people who would 
choose a different partner: 40. 


MARRIAGE OF INCONVENIENCE 
Estimated number of people in the 
U.S. who currently maintain long- 
distance marriages from different 
U.S. cities: 2.4 million. 


SPIKE THE EGGNOG 

In a study by Wirthlin Worldwide, 
percentage of employees whose em- 
ployers host an office holiday party as 
a reward: 52. Percentage of employ- 
ees who list such a party as their pre- 
ferred form of reward: 11. Percent- 
age whose preferred reward would 
be a cash bonus: 46. 


FIELDWORK 
According to a 
survey by Accen- 
ture of full-time 
employees in the 
U.S. who have 
household in- 
comes of $75,000 
or more, the per- 
centage who took 
a cell phone, pag- 
er or laptop on va- 
cation in order to 
stay in touch with 
their offices: 60. Of 
those with laptops, 
the percentage who 
checked work-re- 
lated e-mail dur- 
ing their vaca- 
tion: 61. The 
percentage who re- 
ceived a work-re- 
lated call on their 

cell phone: 39. 


AC-DIESEL 
Of the 199 mil- 
lion vehicles on American roads, num- 
ber powered by alternative fuels such 
as electricity or propane: 430,200. 


REPRO MEN 
Total number of Americans who 
have tried various reproductive tech- 
nologies, including in vitro fertiliza- 


tion: 600,000. 


MY RING-DING FOR A HORSE! 
Number of applications received in 
2001 by Saint Andrews University, 
the school Prince William enrolled in 
this fall: 9212. Applications received 
last year: 6379. 


WORKING-CLASS CHIC 
The amount paid at auction by bil- 
lionaire Warren Buffett to be Tiger 
Woods' honorary caddie at a charity 
event: $650,000. 


THIS OLD HOUSEWIFE 

According to a recent survey by 
Home Depot, percentage of women 
who prefer to spend weekend leisure 
time working on a home improve- 
ment project: 37. Percentage of wom- 
en who prefer to spend their free 
time ata mall: 28. Percentage who pre- 
fer to cook or bake in their weekend 
leisure time: 25. —BETTY SCHAAL 


belief that men tend to produce more 
objectionable flatus than women." Lev- 
it's team found that the fart of the aver- 
age female contains a much larger per 
centage of hydrogen sulfide than those 
of men. Most important, Levitt's dili- 
gence has saved lives. Hydrogen and 
methane formed in the gut are com 
bustible. In fact, in the Eighties there 
was a series of fatal operating-room ex- 
plosions attributable to the ignoble gas 
es. It seems preop purgatives created an 
increased amount of methane and hy 
drogen that was then ignited by an ac 
cidental spark. Levitt has helped for- 
mulate a new purgative that leaves the 
bowel clean and fresh and almost gas 
free. As New Scientist summed up his 
achievement, "Colonic detonations are 
now rare." So let's hear it for Dr. Levitt— 
and everybody quickly leave the room. 


THE TIP SHEET 
The Life and Times of Hank Greenberg: 


Nice documentary on “baseball’s Moses” 
who came close to breaking Babe Ruth's 
home run record. Best of all, the DVD 
(from Fox) even comes with Yiddish 
subtitles. 

Like a virgin: Condomania now mar- 
kets Madonna Condoms. The packaging 
of the rubbers features Madonna s image 
from a 1979 photo session (she signed 
away rights to the photos for $30). Go 
on, show her some love. 


DOGGY STYLE 


The latest in a growing array of 
nipple accessories, the possum-fur 
bra insert is available online from 
the New Zealand Nature Co. No, 
she's not playing possum—the nip- 
ple warmers help women avoid 
chills and embarrassment on cold 
days. And if that doesn't work, 
girls, give us a call. Fleece Navidad! 


سے 


gl mim E) шо. 


ЕЁ 
п 

a 
B 
в 
E 
а 
E 
B 


They're showing people the real jungle. They traded the pinstripes of the 
business world for the zebra stripes of Africa. Now they re helping others to 
escape the corporate grind through their brand of extreme safari. 

Welcome to their jungle. 

They're Mango African Safaris. 


The romance comic genre was born shortly after 
World War Il and petered out in the Seventies. A typ- 
ical love comic was a sexist tearjerker featuring prim 
but foxy women. In other words, it was a perfect dis- 


traction for a generation intent on suppressing the 
inner slut. In Truer Than True Romance (Watson-Gup- 
till), Jeanne Martinet replaces the narration and 
thought balloons of old comics to tell amusing new 
stories. We like Too Dumb for Love—the cartoon cutie 
in a conical bra left us feeling really stupid. 


Non Campus Mentis (Workman): Culled 
imbecility (“Judyism has one big God, 
named Yahoo,” “Philosophy was based 
on falsies and this led to shaky founda- 
tions”) from colleges that are supposedly 
hard to get in. 

‚America Rocks: A track in the movie Rat 
Race is described as “a patriotic rock 
song for children” by its lyricist. He's the 
last person you'd expect to see in the 
music credits of a Jerry Zucker movie: 
Senator Orrin Hatch (R.-Utah) 

Umami: Now recognized as the fifth 

flavor (alter sweet, sour, salty 
and bitter) detectable by 
the human tongue. Based 
on the amino acid gluta 
mate, its vaguely meaty or 
cheesy taste is what makes 
MSG a scasoning. 

The Darwin Awards 11 
(Button): A print anthol 
ogy of human stupidity 
from the website that 
shows natural selection 
in action 

Raising the bar: Mem- 
bers of the American Bar 
Association have voted to 
continue the prohibition 

of sex with clients. If a 
lawyer wants to consum- 
mate a relationship with a 
client, he or she has to 
withdraw from the client's 


"Everyone | case. Only then can the de- 

should briefing begin. 

say vagina SO-CAL 

at least CONCORDANCE 

once a Every four years, un- 
2 dergraduates at the Uni- 

e | versity of California-Los 

—Kimberly | Angeles publish a slim dic- 

Williams tionary of college slang 


RED, WHITE AND BLUE 


This month PBS will air a documen- 
tary based on War Letters (Scribner) by 
Andrew Carroll. The show is excellent; 
watch it. But before you think of our vet- 
erans as noble, libido-deprived mooks, 
it's worth picking up the book for one 
passage alone by veteran World War 11 
correspondent Ernie Pyle. In a letter 
home, Pyle provides more evidence the 
greatest generation had its mind on the 
small but important things that preoc- 
cupy us today. From his base in North 
Africa, he encourages his friend Paige 


BABE OF THE MONTH 


Cavanaugh to pursue a dalliance with a 
music teacher. “Give them protuber- 
ances you spoke so highly of an extra 
stroke or two for me, will you?” Pyle 
wrote. “Who cares if she can play the 
piano when there are other and better 
things to play with? 
I'll bet that you ac- 
tually don't get 
within 10 feet 
of her, and 
then jack off 
as soon as 
she leaves.” 
Charge! 


MENA SUVARI staked her claim to the popular imagination 
when she appeared to us in a dream, nude, swathed in rose 
petals. That star turn in American Beauty assured her of a 


loyal fan base for years. Even a slice of Mena can be sweet— 
her attempts to have phone sex in American Pie 2 made our 
lots sweat. Mena's a triple threat: She can play the 


palm pi 


1 


schoolgirl naif, like the a cappella singer who charms Oz in the 


first American Pie. Or she can up the ante as she did with her faux se- 
ductress in American Beauty, bank-robbing cheerleader in Sugar and 
Spice and daughter of a porn kingpin in American Virgin. And she can 
put her noble forehead to work in roles that elude most teenyboppers 
(Musketeer). She'll push the envelope again in the drugged-out Spun, 
which, given Mena's string of hits, ought to be called American Train- 
sporting. Before Hollywood fell at her knees, Suvari worked on TV dra- 
mas such as ER and Chicago Hape and played bit parts in Nowhere and 
Kiss the Girls. Mirroring her Kevin Spacey-baiting role in American Beau. 
іу--Мепа is married to an older man. She got hitched to the cinematog- 
rapher of Sugar and Spice, who is 16 years her senior. 


— Available at the campus 
bookstore, UCLA Slang 4 is 
a compendium of the latest college buzz- 
words. Here's a sampling from it, plus a 
few bonus words: 
HANCING CHAD: An unwanted friend. 
новк: To bogart a joint 
HOUSFCEST: Sex between roommates. 
MANGINA: The groin of a guy in tight 
pants. 
sHMAN: A girl who looks like a man. 
28 STACKING PAPER: To make lots of money. 


Hundreds of mil 
reelistic ground environmen 


Supar-intense dogfighting. 
destructive ground strikes. 


T 
Just because you can fly doesn't mean you can shoot. And just 
because you can shoot doesn't mean you can hit a bendit going 
Mach 2. So if you want all 18 of your missions to end with a 
frosty cold one rather than a fiery crash, you need to mester 
the weapons end the wings. You got that, flyboy? 


From Migs to FlBs—18 frontline 


Í. fighters to battle with ) 


=== = =m aT 


Sherrerediskies 


MILD LANGUAGE 
VIOLENCE 


30 


RACHID TAHA'S Made in Medina (Mondo Mel- 
odia) arrives simultaneously with Cheb 
Mami's Dellali. It was Mami's 1999 duet 
with Sting, Desert Rose, that spurred the 
rai revival and made Taha's U.S. deal 
possible. Long a star on the European 
dance circuit, the Alge- 
rian exile rocks with in- 
tensity, rag; 
the mac 
conviction that breaks 
the language barrier. 
ROBERT CHRISTGAL 


Leonard Cohen's 
first studio album 
in a decade, 10 New 
Songs (Columbia), features 
his raspy bass voice at its seductive best. 
His lyrics make relationships mysterious, 
even mystical, which is testimony to his 
poctic powers. — CHARLES M. YO! 


Stone Gossard didn't want his solo al- 
bum, Boyleaf (Epic), to sound too much 
like his band, Pearl Jam. His edgy guitar 
is at the core of his sound, and most 
of the songs on this disc would fit nicely 
on Pearl Jam's next CD. But the quirky 
singing and arranging are pure Gossard. 

VIC GARBARINI 


Rock renegade Iggy Pop 
has made a punk mas- 
terpiece with Beat Em 
Up (Virgin). L.O.S.T. 
offers unsubtle ech- 
oes of In-a-Gadda- 
da-Vida. Savior promises 
to “watch me walk on 
water away from 
here.” You might 
call it genius, but I 
would never insult the Ig 
like that. DAVE MARSH 


Back to Blue-Eyed Soul (Za- 
coda) is the Basement 
— Tapes of high-pitched 
heartbreak. The great falsetto sing- 
er David Lasley, best known for back- 
ing James Taylor, put this together by 


fast tracks 


1 HOPE 1 DIE BEFORE 1 GET OLD DEPART- 
MENT: Viagra sponsored the Earth, Wind 
and Fire tour. Pfizer, Viagra's maker, 
provided free health checks. 

REELING AND ROCKING: Don Henley and 
Bonnie Raitt will sing for Disney's 
live-action movie The Country 
Bears, along with John Hiatt. . . . 

LL Cool J may star in a remake 
of the blaxploitation movie Dole- 
mite, backed by an army of kung 
fu women. . . . Dr. Dre protégée 

Truth Hurts makes her recording de- 
but on the soundtrack for The Wash 
and will also be seen in a cameo as a 
lounge singer in Ali. 

NEWSBREAKS: Boy George's London 
musical, Taboo, features the Culture Club 
hits Do You Really Want to Hurt Me and 
Karma Chameleon. It's based on his 
life during the Eighties, when the 
band was hot. . . . Paula Abdul is the 
choreographer of the off-broad- 
way show Reefer Madness. . . . 
ТСР the dancers on Outkast's 
‚Rosa Parks video, have their 


rummaging through his 35- 
year career. It features Detroit 
doo-wop, an Aunt Jemima jin 
gle, obscure singles and previ 
ously unreleased material. Call 

it the best Smokey Robinson CD of the 
21st century. —om 


Suzanne Vega's Songs in Red and Gray 
(A&M) is sublime. Songs of loss and self- 
discovery. sung in a haunting voice, are 
balanced between introspection and pas- 
sion. This is her finest work since her 
debut. —\с. 


If you think that James Brown's rep is 
based on his explosive dance jams, think 
again. Before the funk flowed, Brown 
was an intense, raspy-voiced love шап 
The evidence can be found on Ballads 
(Polydor). — NELSON GEORGE 


CON Christgau 
a 

on 'ohen 8 7 
7 9 
7 8 

Rachid Taha 

Made in Medina 8 8 
4 7 


own CD coming out on Outkast's la- 
bel... . Bill Wyman has completed the 
second volume of his autobiography, 
Stone Alone 2, which covers the all-im- 
portant years, 1969 through 1981... . 
More performers joined B.B. King, Shel- 
by Lynne and Bon Jovi to record radio 
spots for Seagram's 7. Listen for Me- 
lissa Etheridge, Lucinda Williams and Li- 
өпеі Richie. . Eagle-Eye Cherry's new 
CD, Present/Future, is out soon. ... The 
Goo Goo Dolls have a studio CD in the 
works. . . . Bobby McFerrin's first acous- 
tic jazz release in almost a decade fea- 
tures Chick Corea on piano and Omar 
Hakim on drums. . . . Mick Jagger's God- 
dess in the Doorway boasts Lenny Krav- 
itz, Bono and David Bowie duets. To 
see who made the cut, look for it any 
day. . . . Nelly's clothing line, Vo- 
| kal, is in stores. . . . Lastly, Cake 

rises. Their video for Short Skirt/ 

Long Jacket comes in a New York 
version, summer version and 
Spanish version. Have a slice. 
— BARBARA NELLIS 


Bluegrass picker Earl Scruggs 
has friends in ragged but right 
places. On Earl Scruggs and Friends 
(MCA Nashville), devotees such as 
Elton John and Johnny Cash ap- 
pear alongside the wicked banjo play- 
er, who in the Forties put the punch 
behind Bill Monroe's plaintive sounds. 
Cash collaborates with Don Henley on 
the hymn Passin’ Thru, but it's actor Billy 
Bob Thornton who does Cash’s Ring of 
Fire proud, supported by Scruggs’ deep 
blues runs and Glen Duncan's spiraling 
fiddle. — DAVE HOEKSTRA 


Res is no aspiring R&B queen or hip- 
hop MC. Instead, her de- 
but, How 1 Do (MCA), show- 
cases an eclectic style with 
a pop core. The highlight 
here is Golden Boys, where 
a beautiful melody sup- 
ports Res’ bitter lyric about 
the vanity of a celebrity 
ex-boyfriend. NG 


Spanner Banner's Real 
Love (Heartbeat) is R&B-styled reggae 
that owes a lot to Michael Jackson and 
Prince. But Banner is still one of Bob 
Marley's children, and most of these 
tunes were hits in Jamaica. — DM 


Goth fans, be alerted: Glampire has 
risen from the grave with his fifth album, 
Drop Dead Gorgeous (Musesick). It's a 
cross between early Bowie and the Cure 
Order your black eye makeup. —GY 


SUCCESS 
IS ONE THING, 


ENJOYING IT 


IS ANOTHER. 


ENJOY OUR 0000 TASTE WITH YOUR GOOD JUOGEMENTO. 348 15 A REGISTERED TRADEMARK OF BENEDICTINE, 8 A. ©2001 1ИРОЯТЕО BY BACARDI U.S.A. I 


Playstation 2 


POWERED BY PIXIE DUST 


It sounds like a new club drug, but “pix- 
ie dust” is what IBM Research scientists 
call their latest innovation. It dramatical- 
ly increases a hard drive's storage capac- 
ity. Who cares? Anyone who edits digital 
video footage on his computer, or uses a 
PC to warehouse photographs or music 
files. Likewise, anyone who maxes out 
the storage on their TiVo systems will ap- 
preciate the power of pixie dust. In fact, 
this breakthrough, known as antiferro- 
magnetically coupled media in geek- 
speak, could allow you to stash a library's 
worth of DVD-quality movies and music 


ETAL “ҮТҮ, 


SONS OF LIBERTY 


ingle hard drive. Pixie dust uses a 
ver of a precious metal known as 

m to squeeze more gigabits of 
nto each square inch ofa hard disk. 
Today's typical hard drives store up to 
20 gigabits per square inch. By compar- 
ison, IBM's new Travelstar disk drives 
for notebooks, which feature antiferro- 
magnetically coupled med 
per-square-inch storage densi 
gigabits. That doesn't sound like much 
improvement, but IBM predicts data 
densities of 100 gigabits per square inch 


by 2003—or computers with four times ; 
the storage capacity of current models. : 


Desktop computers could come with 400 


Snopping the guard's neck was 
the easy part—now where do 
you stash the body? That's a prob- 
lem you'll encounter in Konami's 


Outlaw Audio's 
1050 receiver (below 
left) sells for a third the 
price of similor models, but 
can be purchased only online 
($500). Better Cables cre- 
otes custom cobles of 
ony length and con- 
nection type ($50 
to $400) 


GB hard drives capable of housing the 
equivalent of 400,000 books. Notebook 
computers could have 200 GB of stor- 
age, the equivalent of 42 DVDs (or more 
than 300 CDs) and handheld personal 
computers using IBM's one-inch Micro- 
drive could have six GB of memory 
(capable of storing 13 hours of com- 
pressed digital video or eight full-length 
movies). IBM isn't talking prices yet 
However, the company does claim pixie 
dust technology will quadru- 

ple only the capacity—not 
the cost—of tomorrow's 
machines —BETH TOMKIW 


Metal Gear Solid 2: Sons of Liberty, sequel to the original PlayStation 

game. As mercenary Solid Snake, you'll need stealth, not a fast trigger fin- 

ger, to get past terrorists and destroy a superweapon. Our advice: Stuff the 
hi 


body into a storage locker. If you're more bloodthi 


ty, try helping Dante, 


the main character of Capcom's new game Devil May Cry. To keep Satan _ 
from reclaiming the earth, you'll have to destroy his hell spawn with а |7) 


magic sword, two pistols and a shotgun. Bring a strong stomach. 


ETE: 


WHERE AND HOW TO BUY ON PAGE 114 


SATURDAY NIGHT DINNER 


ENDED WITH 


SUNDAY BREAKFAST. 


WAS IT JUST FOR MEN? 


Shampoos away gray hair 
in 5 easy minutes. 


Enriches hair with vitamins. 


Brings back a thicker, healthier, 
natural look. 


Rejuvenates hair. 


Who knows... 
just might rejuvenate your social life. 


MORE THAN A 
HAIRCOLOR. 


IT’S THE 
REJUVENATOR. 


Learn more at 
www.justformen.com 


34 


ovies 


By LEONARD MALTIN 


WITH THE HOLIDAYS approaching, I'm hap- 
py to suggest some great gift ideas for 
the movie buff on your list 

Among the newest books, Taschen's 
Some Like It Hot takes top honors: It is lav- 
ish and expensive ($150) but worth ev- 
ery penny, from its padded yellow ultra- 
suede cover to its miniature version of 
Marilyn Monroe's personally notated 


Marilyn, Jack ond Tony get hot 


script. New interviews with director and 
co-writer Billy Wilder, producer Walter 
Mirisch, Tony Curtis and Jack Lemmon 
complement the historical data, script 
drafts and rare photos. 

Other notable movie books include Pop- 
corn Palaces: The Art Deco Movie Theater Paint- 
ings of Davis Cone (Harry N. Abrams), an 
evocative series of images from a bygone 
era, and Rita Hayworth: A Photographic 
Retrospective (Abrams) by Caren Roberts- 


Frenzel, brimming with beautiful shots 
of this timeless beauty. Two veteran Brit- 
ish directors bring us chatty, similarly 
titled autobiographies: In So You Wanna 
Ве a Director? (Tomahawk), Ken Annakin 
offers helpful advice—based on his own 
experiences—on how to deal with ac- 
tresses who try to seduce their directors, 
апа Val Guest's So You Want to Be in Pictures 
(Trafalgar Square) is highlighted by 
a behind-the-scenes story of the mak- 
ing of Casino Royale. A couple of books 
about the eclectic Dennis Hopper are 
Dennis Hopper: Paintings, Photographs, Films 
(МА! Publishers) and 1712 North Crescent 
Heights (Greybull), a collection of Hop- 
per's photos from the Sixties. The Barry- 
mores: Hollywood’s First Family by Carol 
Stein Hoffman (University Press of Ken 
tucky) is an exhaustively researched vol- 
ume with new information and rare pic- 
tures. (I happily provided a foreword.) 

The classy Telarc CD label delves in- 
10 movie music with two impressive re- 
leases: Celluloid Copland, including scores 
both famous and obscure by the great 
American composer Aaron Copland, 
and The Film Music of Jerry Goldsmith, on 
which Hollywood's gray lion conducts 
the London Symphony Orchestra in 
some of his best movie scores, from Chi- 
natown to Star Trek: The Motion Picture. 
(Only complaint: The LSO doesn't cap- 
ture the jazzy feel of the theme from 
TV's The Man From U.N.C.L.E.) 

Finally, lovers of collectibles will want 
to check out Sideshow Toys’ statuettes of 
the characters from Mel Brooks’ Young 
Frankenstein. Or is that Fronkenshteen? 


SCENE STEALER 


MARISA COUGHLAN. WHAT DOES 
SHE DO FOR AN ENCORE AFTER FREDDY 
GOT FINGERED? “Play a female cop in 
Super Troopers, and the queen bee of 
a sorority in the dark comedy Pump- 
kin.” THE BEST PART ABOUT PLAYING OFF- 
THE-WALL COMEDY CHARAC- 

TERS: "It's freeing in a way 

because in real life I don't. 

think I'm all that crazy, 

If you met me, you 

wouldn't thin! either, 

That's probably why I’m 

an actor.” DOES SHE WOR- 

RY ABOUT BEING TYPECAST? 

“Right from the get-go, in 

Teaching Mrs. Tingle, 1 got 

to go in all these crazy € 

rections and do all this fun 

stuff. That's the way I was 
established, and it's been 

fairly consistent that I've 

done those kinds of roles. 

Most girls have to work 


hard to prove they can do that. Still 
I would like to play a serious—or 
normal—role at some point.” HOW 
DOES SHE DEAL WITH DISAPPOINTMENT? 
ite well at this point [laughs]. Тех 
pect a movie to bomb, I expect it to be 
awful, and ifanything other than that 
appens, l'm elated.” HOW HAS A 
MIDWESTERN GIRL DEALT WITH HOL- 
LYWOOD? ) be honest, I've 
met the nicest, most wonderful 
\ реор!е ош һеге 
pleasantly surprised by a 
world that's not as sinister 
as people perceive it to 
be from a distance 

HER COMEDY ROLE MOD- 
EL: “Catherine O'Hara. 
IfI were to continue 
doing comedic stuff 
I would feel blessed 
to do work similar 
to what she has 

done.” 


I've been 


SCORE CARD 


capsule close-ups of current films 
by leonard тайт 


Better Than Sex This sexy Aussie import 
examines a male-female relationship 
that starts out as а one-night stand. А 
candid look at what men and women 
think, in and out of bed. УУУ/› 
The Cat’s Meow Kirsten Dunst, endear- 
ing as silent-screen star Marion Da- 
vies, and Edward Herrmann, a per- 
fect William Randolph Hearst, star in 
this evocative period piece, which 
speculates about a notorious murder 
that may have occurred on Hearst's 
yacht in 1924. British comedian Ed- 
die Izzard is persuasive as an amo- 
rous Charlie Chaplin. yyy 
The Deep End Tilda Swinton plays a 
dedicated mother who covers up a 
crime she thinks her teenage son has 
committed—but soon discovers that 
her worries are far from over. A solid 
thriller based on a Forties novel, reset 
(quite cleverly) in Lake Tahoe. УУУ 
Go Tigers! Ken Carlson's first-rate doc- 
umentary paints a vivid portrait of 
Massillon, Ohio, where high school 
football is an obsession. yyy 
Hardball Call it corny or predictable, 
but this story of a washout (Keanu 
Reeves) who finds redemption in 
coaching a kids’ baseball team in the 
Chicago projects has a simple mes- 
sage, timelier now than ever: One per- 
son can do a surprising amount of 
good in this world. yyy 
LLE Brian Cox stars as a pederast 
who preys on Long Island boys but 
finds one teenager unusually chal- 
lenging: The boy has a mind of his 
own. Provocative, perceptive adult 
entertainment. yyy 
The Man Who Wasn’t There Billy Bob 
Thornton stars as a quiet small-town 
barber who becomes involved in a 
snowballing crime scheme in the 
Coen brothers’ latest yarn, a meticu- 
lously detailed Forties period piece 
(shot in black-and-white) with great 
performances and a story that strays a 
bit. Frances McDormand and James 
Gandolfini co-star. Wr 
Training Day The always-impressive 
Denzel Washington plays a teasing, 
manipulative undercover Los Ange- 
les cop who's not only corrupt but out 
to taint the newest rookie on his team 
(Ethan Hawke) as well. Flashy but 
dramatically unsound, the movie cli- 
maxes with its characters turning in- 
to Freddy Krueger types who simply 
refuse to be killed. a 


YYYY Don't miss 
¥¥¥ Good show 


YY Worth a look 
¥ Forget it 


God is a man. 


Ves, 


36 


"If I'm feeling de- 
pressed about the 
quality of current 
films, | watch 
The Hustler or 
Some Like It 
Hot,” says di- | 
rector and doi 
umentarian 
ichael Apted. 
"And if | want my 
soul uplifted, I'll 
watch Fellini's 8% or 
Visconti's Rocco and 
His Brothers. Those are 
the four films | carry with 
me if | find I can't watch any 
more drivel.” As for documen- 
taries, Apted says, "I prefer 
Night and Fog by the French film- 
maker Alain Resnais. It's about Nazi 
concentration camps, and it's simply 
outstanding." —LAURENCE LERMAN 


LIGHTS, CAMERA. . . SEX 


You work in close quarters for weeks on 
end, looking your buffed best in design- 
er clothing and professional makeup. 
What are the odds there's going to be ro- 
mance on a movie set? Let's do the math. 
Penelope Cruz + Tom Cruise = Vanilla 
Sky (2001): Hollywood's hot homonym 
isn't Cruise's first romp: He dumped 
wife Mimi Rogers when he met Nicole 
Kidman during of Days of Thunder (1990). 
Gwyneth Paltrow + Luke Wilson = The 
Royal Tenenbaums (2001): Talk about kiss 
ing your sister. Wilson, playing her 
brother, somehow overlooked that fact 
when he started dating willowy Paltrow. 
We would, too. 

Meg Ryan + Russell Crowe = Proof of 
Life (2000): Gladiator before husband 
Dennis Quaid came home. (Sorry.) Why 
would Dennis be surprised? She meı 
Quaid while filming Innerspace (1987), 
Lauren Bacall + Humphrey Bogart = To 
Hove and Have Not (1944): Yes, he knew 
how to whistle—looks like she did, too. 
Robin Wright + Sean Penn = State of 
Grace (1990): She fell for Jason Patric 
on the set of Denial (1991), but ended 
up with a son and a daughter from the 
crusty Penn. 

Renée Zellweger + Jim Carrey = Me, My- 
self and Irene (2000): Funnyman Carrey 
dumped Lauren Holly, who figured in 
his divorce during Dumb and Dumber 
(1994), and took up with his latest 
ing lady—for a while, anyway. Which 
green-skinned Who was he banging dur- 
ing How the Grinch Stole Christmas (2000)? 


Kate Capshaw + Steven Spielberg = in- 
diana Jones and the Temple of Doom (1984): 
Even directors get into the sex-on-the- 
set act. Capshaw beat out 120 actresses 
for the role of Willie Scott and ended up 
as leading lady in the director's life. Not 
a bad gig. 
Uma Thurman + Ethan Hawke = Gatta- 
ca (1997): She was married to Gary Old- 
man and dated Robert De Niro (co- 
star in Mad Dog and Glory, 1993) and 
Timothy Hutton (co-star in Beautiful 
Girls, 1996) before landing the high- 
flying Hawke. Their second child is 
expected in 2002. 

Katharine Hepburn + Spencer Tracy 
= Woman of the Year (1942). Not just 
of the year but of his life. The Cath- 
olic actor never divorced his wife 
(though they lived apart). 

Kevin Bacon + Kyra Sedgwick = 
Lemon Sky (1987): With sizzling Ba: 
con, there were very few degrees of | 
separation on this set. 

Elizabeth Taylor + Richard Burton 

= Cleopatra (1963): Husband Eddie 
Fisher—stolen by Taylor from Debbie 
Reynolds—visited the Rome set to con- 
‘ont the couple. Burton ended up mar- 
rying Taylor twice. 

Julia Roberts + Kiefer Sutherland = 
Flatliners (1990): She dumped co-star and 
fiancé Sutherland just before the wed- 
ding, running off with his best friend, 
Jason Patric; she has also dated co-stars 
Liam Neeson (Satisfaction, 1988), Dylan 
McDermott (Steel Magnolias, 1989) and, 
most recently, George Clooney (Ocean's 
11, 2001). — BUZZ MCCLAIN 


DISC ALERT 


Almost Famous Untitled: The Bootleg Cut 
(Dream Works, $27) is a laudably exhaus- 


SPECIAL EFFECTS 


THRILLER 


ART HOUSE 


ACTION 


How the Grinch Stole Christmas (Carrey cavorts brilliantly un- 
der heavy troll makeup, and Seuss survives), Evolution (David 
"I'm not Mulder" Duchovny takes on a nasty space amoeba: 
much better on the small screen). 


With а Friend Like Harry (potential psycho insinuates himself 
into a French family’s life; deliciously Hitchcockian), Sword- 
fish (Travolta's charge to Hugh Jackman? Hack ог die. Bonus: 
Halle Berry on the half shell). 


Boogeymen (Universal/FlixMix, $20) is a 
two-hour greatest hits of modern horror 
scenes—the "good parts” of 17 slasher fa- 
vorites, digitized for your pleasure. Freddy, 
Jason, Leatherface, Michael, Ghostface, 
Pinhead, Chucky, even Camilla, the sexy 
tree-siren from The 

Guardian, haunt 

the crisply pro- 

duced disc, Robert 

Englund provides 

commentary, and 

optional on-screen 

factoids give ad- 

ditional info. Two 

hours—plus of bonus 

material includes a 

link to more chilling 

stuff on the web. The 

torture scene in Hell- 

raiser never looked 

so appetizing. —aM 


tive three-disc set ofthe 2001 Oscar win- 
ner. Director Cameron Crowe's autobio- 
graphical film depicts the tipping point 


in his prodigious early teens when he 
landed a writing assignment from Roll 
ing Stone that meant going on the road 
with a touring rock band. Crowe's affec- 
tion for the music and the moment is 
contagious—and the effect survives the 
36 minutes added for Almost Famous Un- 
titled, the director's cut provided on this 
set's first disc (the theatrical version ap- 
pears on disc two). The third disc is an 
audio-only collection featuring six "un- 
released" tracks from the film's fictional 
band, Stillwater. — GREGORY P FAGAN 


About Adam (Kate Hudson's dreamboat docks in both of her 
sisters and her brother's girlfriend; wry Irish sleeper makes 
blarney hip). Sexy Beast (Mob reaches cul to ex-thug in his 
repose for one last job; Ben Kingsley sizzles). 


The Fast and the Furious (that's muscle cars and muscle 
heads, in order; brain in neutral, don't hit pause. enjoy the 
пае), Kiss of the Dragon (visiting cop Jet Li scissor-kicks the 
Parisian mob into submission; stylish and fun). 


Surrender to the fact that life isn’t fair. 


When you know" 


WAS RE, 
OS Cy, 


J dl 
PREMIUM | SCOTCH 


Drink responsibly. (But you know that.) 
feni 


па Year Ot Woke Blended Scotch Whisk с? Акоо by Volume (Bo Pro) ıı. NY www.chivas.com Visi 


38 


By MARK FRAUENFELDER 
HELP FOR THE OVERLY HIRSUTE 


Mother nature is capable of playing tricks on her creations. 
‘Take the fate reserved for the male human. When he reaches 
his 20s, the hair on his head migrates to his nostrils, ears and 
back. Perhaps there was some advantage to having whiskers 
sprouting from the nose and shoulders back in the day, 
contemporary women don't generally go for it. Masochists 
can stand in front of the mirror with a pair of tweezers, but 
smarter men will outfit themselves with the latest hair removal 
technology from Groominglounge.com. There you'll find at- 
home waxing kits, battery-operated nose-hair trimmers, shav- 
ing gels and oils, plus a page that explains how to get rid of 
the dreaded unibrow. The Grooming Lounge will soon open 
men-only spas in a number of cities, where attractive techni- 
cians will take care of all your grooming needs. (By the way, 
the “hand job" listed on the spa menu is a manicure.) 


LOAN SHARPIE 


In an attempt to goose the econ- 
omy, Federal Reserve Chairman 
Alan Greenspan has cut interest 
rates many times this year. It 
doesn’t appear to have done too 


THE | 
Grooming Lounge 


Quality Men's Grooming Products 4 Adılc 


much good, except 
for slightly lower- 
ing rates for home 
loans. If you want to 
buy a house or con- ТМЕ MONEY 
financin 
money, v 
Home Center section at fool. 
com/homecenter. I've been 
playing with the decision- 


The Motley Fool 
Fool.com 


DISCUSSION 
do, or find out if re- ADVISOR BOARDS 


contest scandal, a bizarre Shockwave cartoon featuring hu- 
man-headed robots and marauding elephants, and a Yahoo 
article about a protester who chopped off a testicle on the 
steps of Peru's parliament building. (Fortunately, his doctor 
said he'd be able to enjoy a "normal sex life.") 


NAME GAME 


Would George Michael have been as successful at getting him- 
self arrested in a Beverly Hills restroom had he remained 
Georgious Krylacos Panayiotou? Would the glam band Queen 
have made it to the top of the charts if front man Freddy Mer- 
cury opted to stay with his birth name, Farrokh Bulsara? You 
can discover the former 
funky names of hundreds 
of celebrities and sports 
figures at www.famous 
namechanges.com. 


MOVIE SPOILERS 


Am I becoming harder to 
please, or are movies get- 


iut NAME CHANGES 


politicians singer! 


ting worse? For every in- 
die gem like Ghost World, 
there are a dozen blun- 
ders like Planet of the Apes. 
My friends who saw Bur- 
ton's lukewarm remake 
of the unbeatable Hes- 
ton flick warned me not 
to bother. 1 didn't, but I 
was curious enough to 
find out what happened 
by reading the synops 
al themoviespoiler.com, 
a site that reveals plots as 


making calculators to find 
out how much I can borrow 
based on my income, what my 
tax savings would be and whether or not I should pay points 
to lower my current interest rate. The Home Center also of- 
fers tips on car buying, but you may not like them: Rule num- 
ber one is "Don't do it.” Spoilsports. 


BEST OF THE BLOGS 


By now, you've probably heard of weblogs (or “blogs"). Basi- 
cally, they're the captain's logs of the bloggers’ online mean- 


derings. (In some ways, Living Online is a weblog.) Folks at the 
Massachusetts Institute of ‘Technology have come up with a 
site called the Blogdex, a “best of the blogs” site, wh lists 


the most frequently referred-to links from hundreds of blogs. 
Llook at Blogdex (blogdex.media.mit.edu) every day, and it 
always pays off. When I last checked, Blogdex reported the 
most popular links were for a CNN story about a McDonald's 


Because it ain't always the damn Butler who did it! 


well as the endings of cur- 

rent theater releases. If 
all you want to do is find 
out the surprise ending to a movie, head to moviepooper. 
com, where you can read denouements to hundreds of mov- 
ies, old and new. Example (Close your eyes if you haven't seen 
Field of Dreams): “He is Ray's father, not Shoeless Joc. They 
play catch.” 


E-MAIL TO GO 


Mail2web.com is the easiest way 1 know to check e-mail from 
а computer other than your own. Unlike Hotmail or Yahoo 
mail, you don't have to register or set it up to retrieve тай. It's 
free—all you do is enter your e-mail address and password 
Why can't the whole web be like this? 


You can contact Mark Frauenfelder by e-mail al livingonline 
@playboy.com. 


» 


WHOEVER SAID HEAT RISES HAS 
NEVER BEEN ABOVE 8000 FEET. 


Until someone gets to the bottom of this flawed 


scientific rule, a Phase-Shift Parka" is a wintertime 


Chairman Gert Boyle 


must. Its critically seam-sealed Omni-Tech® 
shell and pull-out hood repel cold at any altitude while 

underarm zips combine with an Outlast Temperature 
Regulation” lining that works with your body 
temperature to make sure you're never too hot 
or too cold, but always just right. And while 
heat may only rise so far, the same doesn't 
have to be said of you. For a dealer 


nearest you call 1-800- MA BOYLE. 


$ Columbia 


Sportswear Companys 


www.columbia.com 


SEASON’S READINGS 


It would take 20 Santas to carry all the gift books that appear 
this time of year. To make sure the ones you give end up on 
coffee tables and not behind doors, here's our guide to the 
best. After all the cocktail-party stories told over the years, the 
story of the cocktail itself is long overdue. In Straight Up or 
On the Rocks (North Point), William Grimes, restaurant critic 
for The New York Times, 
does an expert job— 
mixing classic-drink 
recipes with wonderful 
accounts that will leave 
cocktail connoisseurs 
happy. Equally exhil- 
arating for collectors 
of vintage illustration 
is Pin-Up Dreams: The 
Glamour Art of Rolf Arm- 
strong (Watson-Gup- 
till), by Janet Dobson 
and Michael Wool- 
dridge. Acknowledged 
as the father of pin-up 
artists, Armstrong did 
more than 200 maga- 
zine covers alter creat- 
ing his first calendar in 


1919. To earn strokes with the golf- 
er on your list, seek out Fairways: 
America’s Greatest Golf Resorts (DK), a handsome guide to 100 
golf resorts selected by golf travel writers, with ratings for 
challenge, beauty, lodging, cuisine and amenities. Basketball 
fans will find a package of thrills in Ar the Buzzer! The Greatest 
Moments in NBA History (Doubleday). The text is by Bryan Bur- 
well, but Bill Walton narrates two accompanying CDs that 
include original broadcasts and new commentary. History 
junkies can easily satisfy their reading habits with World War It 
Day by Day (DK), a chronicle of the war in articles and time 
lines, including Nazi invasion of Poland and the surrender of 
Japanese forces in Singapore. Car buffs and Bruce McCall 
aficionados will fancy The Lost Dream-o-Romo: The Cars Detroit 
Forgot to Build, 1950-1960 (Crown), a whimsical rendering of 
such dream cars as the Bardot-inspired Ooh-La-La and the 
juelchoramic, which serve as a brilliant rearview 
r of Fifties What do men love besides their cars? 


40 Movie stars and air guitars. In Their First Time in the Movies 


a Glamur hue 


ПЛ 
DREAMS 


(Overlook), Les Krantz tracks down the first steps on the road 
to stardom of 100 famous actors and actresses (over 30 of 
whom are spotlighted in an accompanying one-hour VHS or 
DVD). The Book of Rock (Thunder's Mouth) is an A-to-Z refer- 
ence of 500 top bands. Philip Dodd's list will give fans plen- 
ty to debate. Opening up nicely with a foreword by Bonnie 
Raitt, American Roots Music (Abrams) is an excellent companion 

volume to the four-part PBS-TV series that aired in the fall. 

In Beatles Geor (Backbeat), Andy Babiuk traces the evolution 

of the musical instruments played by the Fab Four, from 
the greasy kid stuff 
to their high-end 
equipment. The art 
of cooking is cele- 
brated in Von Gogh’s 
Table: Dining at the 
Auberge Ravoux (Ar- 
isan). Alexandra 
Leaf and Dr. Fred 
Leeman find the 
perfect balance of 
art book and cook- 


stories, p: 
recipes from the cafe that 
as Vincent van Gogh's last home. 

Jan Bartelsman's Magic in the 
Kitchen (Artisan) shows off ac- 
daimed American chefs in pho- 
tos and profiles. Recipes are in- 
cluded. The art of photography 
is well represented in new books 
by masters of the craft. Harry Ben- 
son: Fifty Years in Pictures (Abrams) 
not only showcases the incredi- 
ble career of the acclaimed pho- 
tojournalist, but also encapsu- 
lates an era of American history. 

Another way of looking at Amer- 
ican history, Vitol Forms (Abrams), 
by Brooke Kamin Rapaport and 
Kevin Stayton, et al., examines 
familiar things—from the Eames 
chair to Slinkies. Indian Country 
(Grove), by Gwendolen Cates, is a handheld museum of Na- 
tive American 1 presenting images that tell the story of a 
separate nation within our own. Color Photography (Assouline), 
by Gabriel Bauret, is a glorious volume dedicated to the 
evolution of color in nudes, urban landscapes, fashion and 
war. Finally, when the winter blahs set in, a surefire antidote 
to cabin fever can be found in Love, Lust, Desire: Masterpieces of 
Erotic Photography for Couples (Carlton), edited by Michelle Ol- 
ley. More than 40 photographers share intimate images of 
couples who appear to have found a way to make every day 
seem like Christmas. —PAUL ENGLEMAN 


LIVEV ED ANIA SPR EN 


SHARE THE THRILL OF ASPEN 


Aspen Talc, Aftershave 
Cologne Spray and 

Skin Soother $19.95 
1545.75 comparable value] 


RO 
ва 


Aspen Aftershave 
and Cologne Spray $17.95 
(530,00 comparable value] 


Aspen Decanter 
Cologne Spray $15.95 
1521.50 Comperebie value] 


IERS SUGGESTED RETAIL. WWW.ASPENCOLOG] 


THE ASPEN DELUXE GIFT COLLECTION 
YOURS TO GIVE THIS HOLIDAY SEASON 


| ASPEN 


COLOGNE FOR MEN 


By ASA BABER 


OUR LONG national dream is over, and the 
first war of the 21st century has begun. 
When the war will end, nobody knows, 
but September 11, 2001 will in our 
history as a day of iniquity. It showed us 
the best and the worst of manhood. 

Men hijacked four jumbo jets and 
sowed incredible death and destruction 
over American soil. Men—firemen, po- 
licemen and emergency medical person- 
nel—also voluntarily trooped toward 
death as they moved in immediately and 
selflessly to try to rescue people at the 
World Trade Genter. And, according to 
reports, men fought the hijackers on 
ed Airlines flight 93 and prevented 
an even greater tragedy as that aircraft 
crashed into a field in rural Pennsylva- 
nia instead of the White House or the 
Capitol 

It says something positive about us 
that there were men who reacted. with 
fortitude in the face of the destructive- 
ness of those hijackers. If there is an all- 
out war against terrorism (and by the 
time you read this, there could be), it 
will be mostly men who do the heavy lift- 
ing on the front lines. They will acquit 
thernselves just as courageously as their 
brothers-in-arms did this September, I 
assure you. 

However, a funny thing has happened 
to men in our culture over the past 30 
years, something that should be remem- 
bered if we do not want to repeat it. In 
our struggle vith terrorism from the Sev- 
enties through the Nineties, the virus of 
political correctness steered many men— 
including men in some of the most pow- 
erful positions in our country—in the 
wrong direction as they tried to present 
themselves as softer, sweeter, kinder and 
gentler than the next guy. 

Think about it. President Gerald Ford 
signed a directive that limited the opera- 
tional range of the CIA overseas. Presi- 
dent Jimmy Carter seemed flummoxed 
by the ayatollahs of Iran and, it could be 
argued, was voted out of office for his in- 
eflectiveness in dealing with them. Pres- 
ident George Bush the Elder stopped 
short of climinating Saddam Hussein at 
the end of the Gulf War, which could 
have been a lost opportunity to hit ter- 
rorists where they live. And President 
William Jefferson Clinton, that New Age 
favorite, never met a cruise missile he 
didn't like as he lobbed them over land 
and foam in an attempt to look like a 
warrior (while avoiding direct confron- 
tation with the forces of evil). 

We sure lost our balls—at least for a 
while. We practiced a form of politically 
correct warfare in those days, so no won- 
der the bad guys had the misperception 
that America was a land of no guts or de- 


09-11-01 


termination. At the highest levels of gov- 
ernment, we dismissed many undercov- 
er operatives, trashed our “humint” ca- 
pabilities, relied almost exclusively on 
s and other technology for in- 
formation gathering, avoided any tough 
questions about the intentions of our a 
les and just generally wimped out. These 
were tragic mistakes. The result? Sep- 
tember 11, 2001. 

So allow me to make a few observa- 
tions about the next steps we should take 
in our war against terrorism. FYI, my 
credentials in this area are adequate. I 
served a full tour of duty in the U.S. Ma- 
rine Corps, including time in the Far 
East, and then lived in the Middle East 
for several years afterward. I have spent 
time in Turkey, Greece, Lebanon, Egypt, 
Western Europe (including East Ger- 
many, when that country was under So- 
viet domination) and Central America 
(El Salvador, Nicaragua and Honduras). 
More important, 1 have cultivated good 
sources of information about terrorism 
during my years as a journalist and have 
studied the subject for decades. | suggest: 

(1) We love to have a singular enemy 
to hate, like Osama bin Laden, but ter- 
rorism is like a fire in a peat bog. It runs 
underground much of the time, but it 
springs up in surprising places and is the 
product of no single human being. If 
1 had the draw on Osama, my training 
would kick in and I would probably try 
to kill him, but J would not be under 
the illusion that I was really changing 
anything. 

(2) To find the true sources of terror- 
ism, it is necessary to walk back the cat in 
the area of finances (i.e., search for the 
principal sources of support and suste- 


nance for terrorists). A simpler way of 
saying that? Follow the money. Find out 
who funds the front men who do the 
dirty work. You'll be surprised, I prom- 
ise you. (Hint: The list of those who fund 
terrorism includes some of our most 
fashionable allies, not just the smaller 
states that you often hear mentioned. 

This is one of the best-kept secrets in the 
world.) 

(3) Once you have followed the money 
and found the culprits, it does no good 
to sit on the information. You have an 
obligation to tell the American people 
who is plotting against their interests (as- 


suming you believe a fully informed 


democracy is the best means of national 
defense). Our intelligence analysts have 
known for years about the depth and lat- 
itude of state-supported terrorism by 
our allies. But those same analysts have 
been told to not embarrass our most fa- 
vored relationships and alliances. (Yes, 
political correctness reigns in intelli- 
gence agencies, too.) 

(4) When dealing with terrorists, it is 
best to remember that every action will 
be met with an equal and opposite reac- 
tion—but not at a time or place of your 
choosing. Any war against terrorists is а 
dirty war, by definition, and American 
civilians will sometimes suffer severe 
consequences. (You might want to re- 
member that fact the next time you ar- 
gue in favor of nuking several countries 
at the same time.) 

(5) Anger is vital to sustain any war, 
but shrewdness and self-control count, 
too. Never underestimate your enemy 
and never overestimate yourself. Ter- 
rorists bring out the worst in us, but if 
we give in to the beast they stir in our 
hearts, and if we strike out blindly and 
impulsively, we will lose everything we 
value in ourselves. Every time you expe- 
rience irrational anger, turn it into cold 
anger. Only the self-controlled will sur- 
vive in this jungle. 

(6) Nations and states spend more 
time calculating the future than you may 
know. Geography can be destiny, so take 
a look at a map of the world and de- 
cipher which entities will want which 
territories soon. Will China move into 
Russia? Will the U.S. become an island, 
without influence in Europe as some of 
America’s previous allies squeeze her out 
of that continent? Will Israel survive, or 
will her allies abandon her when terror- 
ists convince people it is too dangerous 
to support that state? 

God bless America, land that I love. 
May we stay smart and cool and brave as 
this next war grinds on and our losses of- 
ten burn in our throats. 


41 


Paradise Found 


The phrase barefoat chic best sums up Vatulele Island Resor, a luxurious 
Fijian hideawoy with 18 private villas and an official “no” policy: no news- 
papers, na radios and na felevisians. Phane calls are discouraged. The 
trade-off is miles af sandy beaches, wonderful food, unlimited chompogne 
and—if you must—seiling, snorkeling and fishing. A jungle hike is also of- 
fered, clong with trips to lacol уйде and world-class diving. Vatulele 
(pronounced vah-too-lay-lay) was created in 1990 by Australian film pro- 
ducer Henry Crawford, wha likens the resart (a member of the Smoll Luxu- 
ту Hotels of the Warld group] to the “ultimate, successful miniseries where 
one is left with a tear in his eye, a smile on his foce and o wanting ta see it 
again.” The minimum stay is four nights, double accupancy (51100 a day, 
including meals and beverages). Са ta vatulele.cam for more information. 


True Brit 


Lesley Waters is best known in the UK os a television chef and 
culinary educotor. She was the head teacher ot London's presti- 
gious Leith's School of Food ond Wine and became o popular 
BBC cook-show host. 
She currently hos her 3 1 
own TV series, Flavors 
From Abroad. Her new 
baok, How to Cook (Ry- 
land Peters & Small), is 
useful and beautifully 
phatagraphed, She 
breaks down her rec- 
ipes first by method 
(boiling, poaching, 
grilling, etc.) and then 
by food groups (soups, 
salads, seafood, fowl, 
meat). Her approach is 
sensible ond accessi- 
ble—ond, as the seared 
E beef salad with horse- 
IEAT, AND — wen | radish dressing here 

THEN SLI с سے‎ ) can atiest, the results 

š are oppetizing. The ap- 
pealing photogrophy is 
by Peter Cassidy. 


Tool Guy 


The Duluth Trading Co. carries irresistible guy stuff. Check out 
the titanium ond aluminum hammer pictured above that virtu- 
ally eliminates shock normally transferred back to your arm 
(about $125). It’s next to a leather plumber's bag from the 
Czech Republic that can tote camera equipment, a laptop or 
Gatorade and PawerBors (abaut $100). The curious gizmo be- 
low the hammer is a treasure hunter's tool. Its blade is welded 
to the handle at a right angle to give you better leverage (about 
$35). The 22-inch machete is perfect for blazing o trail through 
a bamboo jungle (about $40, including the leather scabbard) 
Last, the Pentagon Elite pocketknife by SOG has been dubbed 
by Duluth “the monster truck of tactical folders” (about $85). 


Chrysler Gets а Woodie 


“We wanted a look that re-created the carefree fun of the Six- 
ties California surf wagons," said Trevor Creed, Chrysler's se- 
nior vice president of design. So for 2002, Chrysler will offer а 
PT Cruiser Waodie edition with a medium oak woodgrain that is 
fromed with light ash moldings an the doors, quarter panels 
and liftgate. The woodie applique will be on $895 option on all 
2002 PT Cruiser models. Also new will be o Dream Cruiser Se- 
ries 1 limited edition that's Inca gold with metallic sparkle, а 
"Dream Cruiser Series 1“ chrome badge on the liftgate and an 
individually numbered plaque on the dashboard—plus addi- 
tional Inca gold interior trim. Only 7500 will be built. It should 
cost around $23,000. A Dream Cruiser Series 2 will follow. 


Clothesline: 
Derek Fisher 
and Brian Shaw 


Los Angeles Lakers guard Derek 
Fisher (tap right) is part owner of 
a clothing company that will offer 
а casual line by next fall. "А lot of 
people expected me to do athletic 
clothing, but it's going to be casu- 
olwear similar to that of Ralph 
Lauren Palo or Tommy Hilfiger,” 
says Fisher. “When | dress | wear 
an undershirt. More than likely it’s 
a tank, because if | take off my 
shirt I like to show off my arms." 
Lakers guard Brian Shaw [bottom 
right) is 6'6" tall, so he relies an 
Los Angeles designer Ron Finley 
to create а wardrobe that fits him 
(Finley's company is named Drop 
Dead.) “I don't like wearing ties, 
sa | throw on а suit with a T-shirt 
underneath,” soys Shaw. He 
wears a size 14 shoe by Noutsch- 
ka. His fovorite is a shoe boot 
made of o stretchy material. “It 
looks great with both casual- 
wear and formalwear.” 


Guys Are Talking About. 


Comfortable ski boots. lt sounds like an axymoron. But—sur- 
prise—Kneissl of Kufstein, Austria offers the Вой, a new soft ski 
boot (pictured below). It combines a solid plastic skeletan with 
а comfortable shell and a warm liner braced with stainless 
steel. According to Kneissl, the boot slips on and aff easily, 
even in frigid weather, and all the sensitive areas of the faot 
are supported in a soft, formfiting material. Price: about $400 
a pair. ® Topical “Viagra.” The pharmaceutical 
company NexMed is developing Alprox-TD, a cream 
far guys with erectile dysfunction that works in 

10 ta 20 minutes, versus an haur ar so for ( 

the little blue pill. About 2500 lucky men are 

currently testing the praduct, with 83 per- 

cent reparting positive results. If yau can't 

wait for Alprox-TD to go an sale here š 
(maybe another year at least), it's current- Verse 
ly sald in China under the name Befar. ® 

Hause swapping. Trading-homes.com is ће Ñ _ 

website for anyane wha wants to swap their | чь | 3 
humble abode with someone else for vaca- N 

tion purpases. Listing on the website or in Em 
the thrice-yearly directory costs $65. The Е“ 

site also supplies tips to help members A 


Samantha serves martinis in? 
#5 Orrefors’ Intermezzo pat- 
tern ($118 a pair). 


make the necessary arrangements. © iy : 
Great martini glasses. Do you like „7 
the stemware Sex and the City's as 


WHERE AND HOW TO BUYON PAGE 174 


ya 


Hine Playboy Advisor 


Can you recommend any sex toys? My 
wife and 1 have bought a good number 
of them at adult bookstores, but most 
break easily or don't work at all.—L.T, 
Baltimore, Maryland 

You should hang with us at Ihe Adult Nov- 
elties Manufacturers Expo, held each year 
in Los Angeles. It has booth after booth of 
dildos, vibrators, whips, fake vaginas, butt 
plugs, lubricants, porn stars and other toys. 
We couldn't make it to the 2001 show— 
we're still testing last year's models—so we 
asked for a field report from Lou Paget, who 
scouts ANME for her popular sexuality sem- 
inars (here's info at loupaget.com). Paget 
isn't usually impressed with what she finds; 
most products are exercises in hype (how can 
anyone improve a dildo design?) or knock- 
offs that don't work as advertised (manufac- 
turers know that few people return sex toys) 
But two items caught her eye. The first, the 
Tongue Joy, is a chrome-plated minivibe that 
you secure lo your tongue or a finger with a 
silicone band. We ran a photo in July 2001, 
page 25. Lou likes it because its quict— 
many women find noisy vibrators distract- 
ing—and allows a woman to enjoy the vi- 
brations and the warmth and wetness of her 
lover's mouth at the same time. The second, 
the Tool Chest, is a leather dildo harness the 
guy wears on his chest. While his lover sits 
down for a ride, he can finger her, enjoy the 
show or get his tongue involved. 


Last month I placed a personal ad on- 
line and arranged a meeting with a wom- 
an who replied. We talked for an hour 
and laughed a lot. But when I asked for 
her number, she refused. She said she 
“takes numbers but doesn't give hers 
out.” Is she eventually going to call or is 
she treating me as a sucker?—A.H., New 
York, New York 

You've known this woman for an hour: 
She's smart to play it safe, and typically peo- 
ple who place and respond to personal ads 
are disappointed by, but understand, the cul- 
and-run. Why waste anyone's time if you're 
not interested? If she wants to see you 
again, she'll call. If she doesn't, well, what's 
your interest? 


| there any way to eliminate razor burn? 
I've shaved with hot water, cold water, in 
the shower, after a shower, before a show- 
er and with every brand of foam I can 
find—and I always get a rough shave.— 
N.R., Las Vegas, Nevada 

We feel your pain. The most common 
cause of razor burn is shaving against the 
grain. So don't da that. The rest of our ad- 
vice you've probably heard before. Prep your 
face with a hot (but not too hot), slightly 
soapy washcloth that you push against the 
grain lo gel the whiskers to stand up. Try a 


shaving brush to apply foam; it also helps the 
whiskers stand up and looks cool if any babes 
walk in. Use a razor that has a pivoting 
head. Don't press too hard, especially around 
your neck. Experiment with gels or natural 
oils. One oil we passed around the office has 
received rave reviews. It was developed by 
Bill Hamilton, a former roofer and frustral- 
ed shaver who as a teenager began concoct- 
ing lotions with household products such as 
baking soda, vinegar, cooking oil and sham- 
poos and conditioners. In 1987, after con- 
sulting with a pharmacist, Hamilton had his 
eureka moment. PLAYBOY readers can request 
a sample of Total Shaving Solutions by writ- 
ing Total Solutions, 2400 S.W. Jefferson, 
Peoria, Illinois 61605, or through Internet 
sites such as ultimate-shave.com and total 
shavingsolution.nu. 


Ive heard that you can seduce women 
through hypnosis. I know people stop 
smoking or lose weight through hypno- 
sis, so maybe there's something to thi 
Are these techniques difficult to learn? — 
PR., San Juan, Puerto Rico 

If you have the idea that you can get a 
woman at a bar to look deep into your eyes, 
and then deep into your pants, come back 
10 reality, Despite every man’s fantasies, а 
woman who is hypnotized isn't going to do 
anything against her will, though she may 
show fewer inhibitions (you also can achieve 
this with a back rub). Your subject has to be 
willing and able to be hypnotized, and it 
takes practice to pull it off. In his guide Look 
Into My Eyes: How to Use Hypnosis to Bri 
Ош the Best in Your Sex Life, Peter Masters 
suggests that a couple use hypnosis as they 
would any sex toy. The book includes the ba 
sics of inducing a trance and supplies var 


ILLUSTRATION BY ISTVAN BANYAL 


ous sexual scripts. But Masters also presents 
hypnosis as a way to experiment with “erotic 
control.” For example, he suggests that you 
instruct your girlfriend during a trance that 
she will feel aroused whenever you say, "You 
look sexy in that outfit.” You can imagine the 
possibilities. 


You may not believe this, but I fantasize 
about being eaten. I don’t mean oral sex 
but full-scale devouring by a woman who 
gets so excited by my taste that she los- 
es all control and consumes me, clean- 
ly and painlessly. There are a few varia- 
tions on the theme: being cooked for a 
feast held by a group of hungry women, 
or being eaten slowly, with each piece 
cooked in front of me. Some of my girl- 
friends have been amused by my desires, 
but others were horrified. Have you ever 
heard of this?—W.1., Cleveland, Ohio 

No, but we're never surprised anymore. 
Katharine Gates opens her book Deviant De- 
sires with a story she heard from a New York 
dominatrix. One of the woman's clients had 
drawn knobs and dials on a large cardboard 
box to make it resemble an oven. Wearing 
only socks, he laid on his back inside the 
box, put his arms tight against his sides and 
lifted his knees, so he resembled a turkey. 
The dominatrix then described for him how 
the oven was slowly growing hotter, and how 
she couldn't wait to remove her roaster, carve 
him up and vat him. Gates thought this un- 
usual until she investigated and found a 
universe of people who shared similar canni- 
balistic desires (it's known as vore, which 
makes you a vorephile). "It's a kind of rape 
fantasy that substitutes oral engulfment for 
intercourse,” Gates writes. As lo why this 
idea turns you on, there are theories that it 
has to do with separation anxiety or an ear- 
ly fixation with nature shows and fairy 
tales. To each his own. We're content to have 
a woman devour our penis—as long as she 
doesnt chew. 


In September you offered some bad ad- 
vice. S.R. described waking each morn- 
ing with a phlegmy, deep voice. This is 
not a quaint "love voice" but rather a 
common symptom of laryngopharyn- 
geal reflux, a condition caused by the 
passage of stomach acid into the throat 
through an incompetent lower esoph- 
ageal sphincter. The acid burns can lead 
to swelling, lung irritation, bad breath, 
postnasal drip, frequent throat clearing 
and, over time, cancer of the voice box. 
You also referred to forcing one's voice 
into a decper pitch as a “party trick." 
Use of low pitch for increased authority 
or sexiness is one of the most common 
causes of voice abuse, and it can lead 
to vocal fold nodules, cysts, hemorrhage 


47 


PLAYBOY 


and other problems. Such tricks by un- 
trained voice users should not be en- 
couraged.—Dr. Robert Sataloft, Chair- 
man, Department of Otolaryngology, 
Thomas Jefferson Graduate Hospital, 
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania 


Doc, you are no fun at ай. 


| would like to buy a DVD player to re- 
place my VCR. Is there a service that can 
convert my video tapes to DVD?—R.V., 
Lafayette, Indiana 

If you're talking about Hollywood or adult 
movies, you can (1) find a buddy who has а 
DVD burner and a monster hard drive, (2) 
wait for the studios to release the titles on 
disc or (3) store your tapes away from heat 
and light until burners become standard 
fare, which shouldn't be long. If your videos 
are family-friendly home movies, you can 
have them converted al Lifeclips.com, which 
charges $40 for each two hours of tape. 


My new girlfriend wants me to go along 
with things I have never tried before. In 
a crowded bar, she went to the restroom 
and came back without her shirt—she 
had on a bikini top. She walked up like 
she didn’t know me, rubbed my shoul- 
ders and challenged me to arm wrestle. 
I was stunned. She beat me in front 
of about 50 cheering people, then left. 
When I got to her home she stripped 
me, tied me up and left me on her couch 
while she exercised and watched TV. 
Later she got ready for bed, came out 
and screwed me, then left me there. She 
untied me in the morning before she left 
for work, then called me two days later 
to make plans for another date. I'm not 
sure what to make of this. What do you 
think?—G.D., Kansas City, Missouri 

We think you should work on your апи- 
wrestling technique—or not. 


What does it mean when a guy jacks off 
after I pause while giving him head?— 
C.B., Toronto, Ontario 

It means he misses your mouth. If he mas- 
turbated to orgasm, you may have pulled 
away just as he was about to come. In that 
case, his reaction was instinctive. Otherwise, 
he stroked himself to stay hard. The next time 
you need to take a break, keep your hands 
moving. Keep your lips moving as well, by 
telling him how much you love sucking him. 


А friend claims that having an erection 
in public is illegal in some states. If so, 
how is it enforced? What's the penal- 
ty?—M.V, San Diego, California 

Control problems? Steer clear of Indiana 
and Tennessee. In Indiana, appearing in a 
public place in a "discernibly turgid state" is 
a misdemeanor punishable by as long as а 
year in jail and up to а $5000 fine. In Ten- 
nessee, your bulge could lead to a $500 fine, 
though the state exempts boners that appear 
in rest rooms, locker rooms, doctor's offices, 
college art classes and nudist camps. Even in 


48 states that don't specifically ban erections, 


police officers may make arrests. Bob Morton 
of the Naturist Action Committee notes that 
many statutes distinguish between nude, 
which is sometimes legal, and lewd, which is 
always illegal. He says cops reason that if a 
guy is visibly aroused, something lewd must 
be going on, so they bust him. Morton alsa 
notes the difference between turgid and шей 
endowed but flaccid, and that certainly some 
men have been falsely accused. These laws 
typically are designed to intimidate custom- 
ers at strip clubs and to prosecute gay men 
who cruise for sex. 


Í receive junk e-mails from America On- 
line addresses. I reply to ask that no 
more e-mails be sent but almost always 
geta message that the return address 
isn't a known AOL member. Is there any 
way to make people stop filling my mail- 
box with come-ons for penis enlargers, 
get-rich-quick schemes and weightloss 
programs?—PC., Evansville, Indiana 
First, don't bother with a reply. By the time 
you write, the spammer's service provider 
will have shuttered the account—or, more 
likely 
your reply goes through, it tells the spammer 
that his e-mails are being read, which means 
he'll send more junk or sell your address to 
others. Delete the junk you receive and say 
little prayer that the senders get a deadly 
(computer) virus. You can find software or 
services that stop some or most of the junk, 
but spammers usually find ways past the fil- 
ters. A more common strategy is to create an 
e-mail account at a free service such as Ya- 
hoo. Whenever you post to a message board 
or sign up for an offer that you suspect will 
generate junk, use that address. Then, be- 
cause your current address has been compro- 
mised, open a new personal account with an 
address you give only to family and friends. 


I couldn't believe your response in Sep- 
tember to the reader asking what to do 
when police show up at his door looking 
for child pornography. You wrote, “Nev- 
er let the police into your home unless 
they have a warrant.” You even gave in- 
structions to help perverts clean their 
computers to avoid being caught. I know 
you guys hang off the liberal edge, but 
it sounds like you support child abuse. 
‘The reader had done nothing wrong, so 
why should he have a problem letting 
the cops do their job? I teach a college 
psychology course, and you can believe 
this will be passed on for years.—D.K., 
Los Angeles, Califor 
Share the question and our response with 
anyone you wish. Perhaps one of your stu- 
dents will have the wisdom to challenge your 
narrow and reactionary take on the right to 
privacy—particularly the odd view that peo- 
ple who won't let police officers into their 
homes without a court order must have some- 
thing to hide. Why have a Fourth Amend- 
ment? As for clearing your browser and 
cache, anyone dealing in child porn doesn't 
need instruction from us. But if folks unin- 


it was a fake address to begin with. If 


tentionally surf upon questionable material, 
are you suggesting they leave it on their com- 
puter until the cops show up for a search? 


How tong should I keep my running 
shoes before replacing them?—PD., Lan- 
caster, Ontario 

We get plenty of exercise researching this 
column, so we called Paul Carrozza, who 
owns Run-Tex in Austin, and covers 
footwear for Runner’s World. Although 
there are variables, such as your weight and 
running schedule, he suggests that casual 
runners replace their shoes about twice a 
year. More active runners may need to re- 
place their shoes as often as every two 
s assumes you have properly fit- 
not, you could destroy them with- 
in 100 miles). Most runners sense when they 
need fresh shoes because the ground starts to 
feel hard. But it’s also a good idea to keep an 
eye on your midsole—if the foam there feels 
mushy, the shoe is dying or dead. The most 
durable shoes have polyurethane midsoles 
and carbon rubber outsoles, but the down- 
side is that polyurethane is relatively heavy. 
If durability is important, Carrozza suggests 
testing a pair of Asics Gel-MC Plus, New 
Balance 587 or 991, Mizuno Creation or 
Saucony Stabil. 


А плувог artide in July stated that the 
most semen recorded in one ejaculation 
was 2.23 teaspoons. Are you sure you 
didn’t mean tablespoons? The last time I 
gave my boyfriend a hand job, he came 
in gushes. At least a tablespoon landed 
on his thigh, and the rest covered most 
of my right breast. Would you tell me 
how to accurately measure his load so 
you can crown him the new champion? 
Will he win a prize?—G.H., Pittsburgh, 
Pennsylvania 

You sound like his prize. If you're curious 
about your boyfriend’s production, have him 
come in a measuring cup or a condom, or 
your mouth. (The last may not be scientific, 
but it’s definitely more Jun.) That 2.23 tea- 
spoons was produced by the power hitter in а 
fertility study of 1300 men. Until someone 
with a lab coat and an advanced degree 
agrees to measure your boyfriend's spunk— 
and we can't imagine why anyone would, 
unless he appeared to lack sperm—his tal- 
ents must remain the stuff of legend. 


All reasonable questions—from fashion, food 
and drink, stereo and sports cars to dat- 
ing dilemmas, taste and etiquette—will be 
personally answered if the writer includes a 
self-addressed, stamped envelope. The most 
provocative, pertinent questions will be pre- 
sented in these pages each month. Write the 
Playboy Advisor, PLAYBOY, 680 North Lake 
Shore Drive, Chicago, Illinois 60611, or 
send e-mail by visiting playboyadvisor.com. 

The Advisor's latest collection of sex tricks, 
365 Ways to Improve Your Sex Life, is avail- 
able in stores or by phoning 800-423-9494. 


THE PLAYBOY FORUM 


LESLIE adds CSL 
— CC ease study in clones aa 


x n the last decade, they killed 
and maimed more unarmed 
people than the Unabomber and the 
Aryan Nation combined. They have a 
worse human rights record than the 
Federal Bureau of Investigation. If 
they were a foreign-based death cult 
like Hamas, and you contributed to 
their cause, you would face up to 10 
years in jail for supporting terror- 
ism. Instead, they are supported with 
your tax dollars. 

They are the 1400 members of 
the Prince George's County police 
department. 

Prince George’s County, adjacent 
to Washington, D.C., is home to thou- 
sands of federal bureaucrats. In a 
series published in July, The Washing- 
ton Post highlighted some of the po- 
lice department's accomplishments: 
"Since 1990, Prince George's police 
have shot 122 people, killing 47 of 
them. Almost half of those shot were 
unarmed, and many had committed 
no crime." 

Among the shootings the 
police department ruled 
as justified: "An un- 
armed construction 
worker was shot in 
the back after 
he was de- 


tained in a fast- 
food restaurant. An unarmed suspect 
died in a fusillade of 66 bullets as he 
tried to flee in a car from police. A 
homeless man was shot when police 
mistook his portable radio for a gun. 
And an unarmed man was killed af- 
ter he pulled off the road to relieve 
himself.” 

Some local police practices appear 
to be borrowed from South Africa in 
its police-state days. “No one knows 
how many people have died while in 


By JAMES BOVARD 


the custody of Prince George's offi- 
cers,” the Post noted. “Police said they 
don't keep track of such deaths. By 
examining autopsy reports and other 
documents, however, The Washington 
Post was able to identify 12 people 
who have died in police custody since 
1990.” 

The Post discovered the death of 
one person in police custody from a 
workers' compensation filing by a 
policeman who requested disability 
payments because he suffered "emo- 
tional" problems after permanent- 
ly subduing an arrestee. At least one 
suspect died after being severely 
beaten while wearing handcuffs. Medi- 
cal examiners have ruled two of the 
deaths in police custody to have been 
homicides—yet the department has 
not disciplined a single officer in an in- 
custody death. 

The system is scrupulous and ide- 
alistic when it comes to respecting 

the rights of killer cops. Police are 

protected by the “Law En- 
forcement Officers Bill 
of Rights"—a Maryland 
law (similar to laws in 
many other states) 
that prohibits the 
questioning of a po- 
lice officer for 10 days 


after any incident in which he or she 
used deadly force. In Prince George's 
County, there is no greater offense 
than prematurely asking a cop why 
he gunned down a citizen. The Post 
noted that "a lawyer or a police union 
official is always summoned to the 
scene of a shooting to make sure no 
one speaks to the officer who pulled 
the trigger." A toothless citizen police- 
oversight panel complained that the 
10-day rule "invites abuse and raises 
serious concerns about collusion and 


the code of silence among officers. 

Even after the 10-day muzzle ex- 
pires, police enjoy their version of 
the Miranda warning. Nothing they 
say can be used against them in any 
criminal proceedings. They enjoy the 

lege of confidentiality—all state- 
ments to internal affairs investigators 
are kept from public scrutiny. 

This bizarre policy might be unnec- 
essary. One homicide detective who 
looked into the suspicious death of a 
man in police custody explained that 
he did not try to question the two po- 
licemen involved "because he didn't 
want to violate their constitutional 
rights against self-incrimination." In 
some cases, police are not questioned 
about shooting civilians until months 
after the victim has died. 

се George's seems devoted to 
covering up official killings. County 
lawyers refused to provide internal 
police records of police shooting in- 
vestigations because it would be "con- 
trary to the public interest"—even 
though state law seems to require that 
such information be revealed. Wayne 
Curry, the first black chief executive 
officer of Prince George's County 
(which is the nation's most affluent 
majority-black county), revels in the 
bad-boy record of his police, declar- 
ing last year that "people don't want 
no pansy police force." 
Many other professions keep 
records of lethal mistakes, al- 
though reluctantly. Ford and 
Firestone issued a recall after a 
flurry of accidents. Medical errors 
cause tens of thousands of deaths ev- 
ery year. Since 1990, in an effort to 
protect us from incompetent practi- 
tioners, a national data bank has tried 
to track iatrogenic, or “doctor-caused,” 
fatalities. We don't have a word for 
“police-caused” deaths. 

In 1994 Congress passed a law re- 
quiring national record keeping on 
police shootings, justified or other- 
wise. However, neither the Justice 
Department nor most local police de- 
partments have bothered to keep 
track. As a result, it is difficult to know 
how many other police departments 
may have cops as trigger-happy—and 
as legally untouchable—as those 
Prince George's County. 


49 


ho wouldn't want to be a pro- 
fessional sex expert? Consid- 
er the perks: an office stacked 
with sex toys and smut, a mailbox 
stuffed with invitations to swingers’ 
parties and an obligation to practice 
the sexual techniques you preach. But 
there is a downside. When strangers 
find out what you do for a living, they 
invariably ask, “What is the weirdest 
question you've ever been asked?” For 
the rest of your life, it seems, you will 
be recounting the sexual peccadilloes 
of perverts in Peoria. 

We became aware of the curse when 
James Petersen, the author of 365 Ways 
to Improve Your Sex Life and a former 
Playboy Advisor, served on a panel with 
Ruth Westheimer. A member of the au- 
dience asked Westheimer to recount 
the strangest confession she had ev- 
er heard. She replied, “A young man 
called and said, ‘My girlfriend likes to 
toss fried onion rings on my erect pe- 
nis." Dr. Ruth later admitted that she's 
told the onion ring story about 1000 
times in 20 years. "I hate that story," 
she said. "It's an albatross.” 

Petersen could sympathize. He has 
his own story. "A reader once wrote the 
Advisor and said, `1 masturbate with 
sandpaper. Do I have a problem?' I 
told him, "Yes, but not for long." 
Some years later, Petersen read a 
book by two California 
sex therapists. "They 
had treated the 
same guy, or a guy 
just like him," 

he recalls. "They 
had him shift to 
lighter grades 
of sandpaper, 


By PATTY LAMBERTI 


then velvet, then a real woman. He still 
gets a hard-on every time he goes into 
a hardware store." 

We contacted other sex columnists 
and therapists and asked for their most 
memorable case histories. The anec- 
dotes offer an interesting map to the 
fringes of American sexual tastes. 


Amy Alkon's weekly sex and relationship 
advice column, Ask the Advice Goddess, is 
syndicated to more than 70 newspapers. 

My favorite letter was from a man in 
Ohio, where most of my weird letters 
come from. This guy said, “I like to 
wear women's clothing, but I don't con- 
sider myself a cross-dresser, because 
my thighs are abit thick to look good in 
a mini.” 

People send me pictures of their 
body parts. One guy sent me a Polaroid 
of his penis, along with four one-dollar 
bills. 1 thought he was paying me to 
look at his photo. But then I saw a 
note that said, “Use this money to 
take pictures of yourself and send 
them back to me.” 


Dan Savage writes a syndicated weekly 
advice column, Savage Love. His latest 
book is The Kid: What Happened After My 
Boyfriend and 1 Decided to Go Gel Preg- 
nant: An Adoption Story. 

It's all subjective. Pcople ask me ques- 
tions about the types of sex I enjoy, and 
1 think, Hey, good sex question. People 
ask me questions about things I don't 
enjoy, and I think, Jesus, what a freak. 

The strangest conversation I have 
ever had about sex occurred on the 
radio, when I was talking to 

a man who was particular- 

ly fond of his horse. About 

halfway through the conver- 
sation, it occurs to me to ask if 
we're talking about a boy horse or a 
girl horse. He clears his throat, and in 
an offended voice says, “I am not a ho- 
mosexual.” Oh, gee, I thought, thanks 
for clearing that up. 


Lou Paget is the author of The Big O: 
Orgasms: How to Have Them, Give Them 
and Keep Them Coming. 

What 1 find weird is how people ra- 
tionalize their desires and actions to 
put themselves above judgment. Many 


О ЗЕЛ ORT © 


men have told me that even though 
they're having intercourse with other 
women, they're not being unfaithful to 
their wives, because they don't ejacu- 
Late. Many women have told me they're 
not having sex, even though they're giv- 
ing men blow jobs. 

These types of rationalizations are 
even built into laws. I once spoke to a 
woman from Calgary who was getting 
a divorce. She'd become involved in a 
lesbian relationship. The husband sued 
for infidelity but lost because there was 
no penetration. 


Sari Locker is the author of The 
Complete Idiot's Guide to Amaz- 
ing Sex. 

A 34-year-old man once asked 
me, “Our cat watches us have sex. 
Can this damage the cat?" 


Susie Bright is the author of 
Full Exposure: Opening Up to 
Your Sexual Creativity and Erol- 

ic Expression. 
Most sex questions boil 
down to these sentiments: “Am 
ТОК? Will anyone ever want me? 
How can 1 make the lust last?” It would 
be cruel of me to ever tell someone 
they're weird when they ask an honest 
sex question. It's like being a shrink— 
you can't ever tell your patient, "You're 

grossing me out!” 

However, sometimes I get accused of 
things, as a sex expert, that seem in- 
comprehensible to me, and I will share 
the weirdest one of those: 

I once received a series of horrible 
story manuscripts from a writer in 
southern California. 1 sent a courteous 
rejection letter, without commenting 
on his writing. To my amazement, he 
sent back a letter accusing me of being 
prejudiced against his work because I 
objected to his enormous penis and 
that I was campaigning against big 
dicks because I was a feminist deter- 
mined to make women think that size 
doesn't matter. 

1 wondered why he thought that—in 
my experience, feminists are some of 
the biggest size queens around. (He 
should see my sex-toy collection.) But 
more than that, I wondered why he 
thought I knew anything about his 


cock, because the only thing I could as- 
certain from his manuscripts was that 
he was a poor writer. 

1 called an editor friend who recog- 
nized the man's name instantly and 
said, “His penis isn't big at all.” 

"You've seen it?" I asked. 

“Oh yeah,” she said. “He goes to the 
Lifestyles swingers convention in Neva- 
da every year, trolling for women to 
give him a good tie-up and beating.” 

“I'm not following you,” I said. “He 
didn't say anything about bondage and 
discipline in his letters.” 

“That's his tactic,” my friend ex- 
plained. “He builds up the rumor that 
he has a huge dick, and then, when he 
lures you into his bedroom, he expects 
you'll be so pissed to find he has an av- 
erage-size dick that you'll beat the shit 
out of him. He's a total masochist.” 

Now, is that weird or what? I hate 
people who ask for one thing and 
mean another. 


Sandor Gardos writes the Ask Dr. Gardos 
column at thriveonline.oxygen.com. 

Long before Viagra, a reader had 
gotten a hydraulic penile implant. 
When the fluid was released from the 
implant and into the sac, he got an 
erection. Years after the operation, 
he took up deep-sea diving. He want- 
ed to know how deep he could dive 
before the hydraulic tubes burst. I 
called the manufacturer. They had 
absolutely no idea. 


Carol Queen is a staff sexologist at 
the sex-toy store Good Vibrations and the 
author of Exhibitionism for the Shy. 

А man wrote me wanting to know 
how he could get castrated. He was 
hoping a physician would perform the 
procedure, but he was willing to con- 
sider someone who wasn't a doctor. His 
reason—he was disturbed by his sexu- 
al fantasies. He thought his hormones 
were the cause. The lower his sex drive, 
he thought, the less disturbing his fan- 
tasies would be. 1 told him castration 
wasn't elective surgery. 

Another letter came from a group of 
nurses in Portland who were having a 
safe-sex problem. One of their patients 
was a menstrual blood fetishist. Appar- 
ently his personality didnt inspire wom- 
en to hand over their used tampons. So 
he stole them from the garbage. He re- 
constituted them with water, like tea 
bags. The nurses wanted to know 
was safe. Or how they could convince 
him to quit. 


Marty Klein is а sex therapist and the cre- 
ator of sexualintelligence.org. 
A woman once asked me, “My hus- 


band likes to secretly take pictures of 
women's asses around the neighbor- 
hood. Even though I'm very pretty and 
like sex, he prefers to masturbate to 
these photos rather than have sex with 
me. Is he likely to change?” 

My other favorite made me feel like 
Mr. Manners: “At a swing party, I say 
it's bad etiquette to be the first to take 
out a whip—one should wait for the 
host or hostess to do so first. Don't you 
agree?” 


Pepper Schwartz is the author of Every- 
thing You Know About Love and Sex Is 


“How deep into the vagina is the clit- 
oris?” This was an easy one to answer. 
I told him to stop digging and start 
stroking. 

A woman once asked me, “How can 
1 get over my sexual obsession with 


gangsters?” She was only orgasmic with 
men who were dangerous. I told her 
to get her thrills elsewhere, like from 
deep-sea divers, Navy Seals or bungee 
jumpers. There has to be a better way 
to have an orgasm than collecting thugs. 


Louanne Cole Weston writes the Sex Mat- 
ters column for webmd.com. 

1 have two memorable questions. 
One was, “How can I make sure that 
my partner has orgasmed without ask- 
ing her? Somebody told me 1 should 
look at her position when I am fin- 
ished. If she turns her bottom toward 
me and shows her buttocks, then she 


didn't get there. Is this true?” 

A woman wrote, “I'm 23 years old 
and involved with a 54-year-old guy. 
He doesn't like to use condoms. Сап he 
pass on any old-age diseases to me?” 


Isadora Alman has written her weekly 
syndicated newspaper column, Ask Isadora, 
since 1984. 

Aman and his partner had this elab- 
orate sexual fantasy they were trying to 
make a reality. They wanted to make a 
wall-to-wall, room-size pizza. He'd dress 
up as a garlic clove and she'd dress up 
as a pepperoni. With classical music 
playing in the background, they'd run 
across the room, meet in the middle and 
start coupling. They wanted to know if 
the oil on the pizza would weaken their 
condom. My response was geared 
more to the readers of my column: 
“And you all think I make this up?" 


Deb Levine writes the Ask Delilah column 
at thriveonline.oxygen.com. 

Aman wrote me about his girlfriend. 
Whenever they had sex, she liked to 
talk finance. She'd say things like, 
“Come on, baby. Let’s see you bal- 

ance my checkbook” or “Oh, honey. 
Take a loan out for my apartment 
and pay no interest for six months.” 

Once, she shouted, “Mortgage my 

house payment now!” 

I was interested in knowing what 
his girlfriend did for a living. Was 
she a bank loan officer? A real es- 
tate broker? Regardless, this type 
of talk turned her on. For some 

people, money equals power, which 
equals sexiness. I told him to ask her 

what she wanted to hear back. He 
suggested he could say, “Gee, baby. 

My capital is at an all-time high.” That 
didn't sound all that bad to me. 


Chip Rowe is the Playboy Advisor. 

A man wrote: “Each summer, I drag 
a recliner into the woods near my 
house. When I feel horny, I sit in the 
chair in the nude and spray insect re- 
pellent everywhere on my body except 
on my genitals. Is this normal?" I re- 
sponded, “Have you seen any other 
chairs out there?” 

I haven't told that story as often as 
Dr. Ruth has related her onion ring 
anecdote, but it's getting close. 1 gen- 
erally don't use the words weird or 
strange to describe these types of let- 
ters. 1 prefer “uncommon.” Biological- 
ly and culturally, everything outside 
of heterosexual intercourse in the mis- 
sionary position for the purpose of 
procreation is “weird.” So anything 
about sex that's interesting is probably 
weird to someone. 


R 


R 


SURRENDERED WIVES 
Daniel Radosh is way 
off in his review of Lau- 
ra Doyle's The Surren- 
dered Wife (The Playboy 
Forum, September). Al- 
though I was the hus- 
band rather than the 
wife, I read that book 
and others in an at- 
tempt to understand 
and save my marriage 
I respect Doyle's ap- 
proach, which instruets 
women to give up con- 
trol to their husbands. 
In exchange, women will en- 
joy more intimacy, passion and 
peace. Nowhere does Doyle sug- 
gest that women should let men 
dominate them. 
The closing sentences of Ra- 
dosh's review are revealing: "A 
‘surrendered’ wife isn't any less 
controlling than a combative 
one might be. She's just better 
al getting away with it.” Actu- 
ally, Doyle’s book is designed 
to help the combative wife who 
isn't getting away with any- 
thing. Instead, she is alienating 
her husband with her shrewish 
attitude and exhausting he 
self trying to control both their lives. 
Shrews have been with us forever. My 
question is, Why so many now, and 
why are they so vindictive? I believe 
the answer lies with radical feminism, 
which has convinced women they can 
change and "fix" men. 1 can't tell you 
how many times I've heard one wom- 
an advise another, “It's OK, he's train- 
able.” I know lots of unhappy women 
who could benefit from Doyle's advice. 
Most of them haye been through many 
failed marriages and relationships. 
One of them is my ex-wile. 
Donald Taylor 
Barstow, California 


STRIPPERS UNITE 

I admire the ladies in San Francisco 
who formed a strippers’ union ("Strip- 
pers Unite,” The Playboy Forum, Sep- 
tember). I attempted to organize а sim- 
ilar union in Los Angeles, but it never 
got off the ground. 

Until I was fired for trying to orga- 
nize a union, I worked at the Fantasy 
Theater in Colton, a suburb of Los An- 
geles. As at most strip clubs, the owners 
classified the dancers as independent 


FOR THE RECORD 


SEX MADE SIMPLE 


“Men sexually are like microwaves and wom- 
en sexually are like Crock-Pots. A woman is 
stimulated more by touch and romantic words. 
She is far more attracted by a man’s personal- 
ity, while a man is stimulated by sight. A man 
is usually less discriminating about those to 
whom he is phy. Š 
—from WAIT (Why Am I Tempted?) Training, 

an abstinence-only program designed for 

high school students by Friends First, a group 


based in Longmont, Colorado 


contractors. We were each required to 


pay a $30 daily fee to “rent the stage.” 
Periodically, management raised the 
fee—one time they said they needed 


money to pave the parking lot, anoth- 
er time for remodeling. They also said 
they needed to pay for advertising. The 
owners also charged us late fees. some- 
times as much as $40. Some clubs make 
their dancers sell club merchandise 
and then pay for whatever items they 
can't sell. 

If dancers were truly independent 
contractors, none of this would hap- 
pen. The clubs would pay for their own 
remodeling, parking lot and advertis- 
ing costs. We also would make our own 
schedules. But the owners set sched- 
ules for us, which effectively gives them 
paid employees without the pay. At 
least the women at the Lusty Lady re- 
ceived a wage. | didnt, and neither do 
dancers. We worked for tips, from 
we paid our fees and also tipped 
the DJ and waitresses. When business 
was bad, we often went home with noth- 
ing, or even having paid to work 

Because I was considered an in- 
dependent contractor, the state labor 


board said it could not 
help me. I hired an at- 
torney, and with the 
help of another dancer 
sued the club to recov- 
er lost money. Not to 
minimize the problems 
of the dancers at the 
Lusty Lady, but at least 
their grievances were 
settled in a relatively 
timely manner and 
they did not have to en- 
gage in a costly court 
battle. It took five years 
for our lawsuit to reach 
ajury, which agreed with us and 
awarded me nearly $38,000. 
The other dancer won $17,000. 
It was a long battle, hampered 
by dancers who were scared to 
come forward. Unlike with the 
Lusty Lady, there was no sense 
of camaraderie. 

Stripping isa legitimate facet 
of the entertainment busin: 
Dancers should be treated fair- 
ly, Lam moving back to the Los 
Angeles area to again try to 
organize a strippers’ union. I 
encourage others to help me 
put this nonsense to an end 
inia 
Mineral Well: 


Texas 


SPERM WARS 

In her response in September to 
“Who Owns Your Sperm?" (The Playboy 

rum, June), Brenda Shults states, 
“The judicial system needs to realize 
that a child is better served by the ab- 
sence of an unwilling parent.” It is 
despicable when women trick men in- 
to getting them pregnant and paying 
child support. But the welfare system 
is already burdened with thousands of 
deadbeat parents. Even if a child is im 
served by the absence of an unw 
parent; he or she benefits from the dol. 
lars that person provides. Sometimes 
think it would be a good idea to steril- 
ize unvilling parents so they don't re- 
peat their mistakes. 


КЛ. Sanders 
Bellevue, Texas 


In November 1999 you ran an article 
ut my case (“The Perils of Paterni- 
ty,” The Playboy Forum). After my wife 
and I divorced, I had a paternity test 
performed on our youngest daughter, 
who was about 18 months old when I 


К Е 5 


moved out. The tests showed that she 
was not mine. In light of that evidence, 
1 asked the courts to reduce my sup- 
port payments. The courts refused. 

Lam still paying to support the girl, 
who is now 13 years old. In fact, for a 
few months this year, the state Office 
for Child Support Enforcement confis- 
cated double my child-support pa 
ments because I was both collecting un- 
employment and teaching part-time 
That amounted to nearly my entire 
paycheck. Agency officials refused 10 
acknowledge my requests for the dou- 
ble payments to stop until my state sen- 
ator contacted them on my behalf. 
Your readers can find out more about 
paternity fraud on a website operat- 
ed by my current wife at fla.paternity 
fraud.com. 


David Ziskind 
Davie, Florida 


PORN HYSTERIA 
In May. you wrote about the appoint- 
ment of Utah's first porn czar, Paula 
Houston (“They're Back,” The Playboy 
Forum). In one of her first major ac- 
tions, she has decided that Victoria's 
Secret posters should feature fully 
clothed models. The nonsense began 
when a mother noticed her six-year- 
old son take an interest in a store post- 
er that showed a model covering her 
breasts with her arms. The mother 
wrote the chain, requesting that it take 
down its “lewd and sexual images.” 
That's when Houston arrived on her 
white horse. She praised the mother's 
stance, citing Utah’s indecent public 
display law, which states that a "person 
is guilty of a class-A misdemeanor who 
willfully or knowingly publicly displays 
at newsstands or any other establish- 
ment frequented by minors pictures 
of nude or partially denuded figures 
posed or presented in a manner to pro- 
voke or arouse lust or passion or to ex- 
ploit lust or perversion for commercial 
gain.” If Houston believes a lingerie 
poster constitutes porn, her reign will 
be scarier than anyone guessed 
Chris Clark 
Salt Lake City, Utah 


We'd like to hear your point of view. Send 
questions, opinions and quirky stuff to The 
Playboy Forum, PLAYBOY, 680 North Lake 
Shore Drive, Chicago, Illinois 60611, 
e-mail forum@playboy.com or fax 312- 
951-2939. Please include a daytime phone 
number and city and state or province. 


‚,, ASSHOLE 


wo days after the attack on the 
World Trade Center, the Rever- 
end Jerry Falwell (founder of the 
Moral Majority) joined the Rev- 
erend Pat Robertson (founder of the 
Christian Coalition) on the Chris- 
tian Broadcasting Network’s 700 
Club. At a time when most Amer- 
icans were shocked by the actions 
of religious zealots, we were witness 
to the excesses of our homegrown 
prophets. Two months after the 
tragedy, the remarks still rankle. 
JERRY FALWELL: I agree totally 
with you that the Lord has pro- 
tected us so wonderfully these 
And since 1812, this is 
е we've been attacked 
and by far the worst 
results. And I fear, as Donald 
Rumsfeld, the Secretary of De- 
fense, said yesterday, 
that this is only the 
beginning. And with 
biological warfare avail- 
able to these mon- 
sters—the Husseins, 
the Bin Ladens, the 
Arafats—what we saw 
on Tuesday, as terrible 


I point 
the finger 
in their 
face and 
say, “You 


Ж» 
АУЫР) 


babies, we make God mad. I real- 
ly believe that the pagans, and the 
abortionists and the feminists, 
and the gays and the lesbians who 
are actively trying to make that an 
alternative lifestyle, the ACLU, 
People for the American Way—all 
of them who have tried to secular- 
ize America—I point the finger in 
their face and say, “You helped 
this happen.” 

ROBERTSON: Well, I totally con- 
cur, and the problem is we have 
adopted that agenda at the high- 
est levels of our government. And 
so we're responsible as a free so- 
ciety for what the top people do. 
And the top people, of course, is 
the court system. 

FALWELL: Pat, did you notice 
yesterday the ACLU and all the 
Christ-haters, People for 
the American Way, NOW, 
etc., were totally disre- 
garded by the Demo 
crats and the Republi. 
cans in both houses of 
Congress as they went 
out on the steps and 
called out unto God in 


as it is, could be minus- helped this prayer and sang God Bless 


cule if, in fact—if, in 
fact—God continues to 
lift the curtain and 
allow the enemies of 
America to give us probably what 
we deserve. 

PAT ROBERTSON: Jerry, that’s my 
feeling. I think we've just seen the 
antechamber to terror, We haven’t 
even begun to see what they can 
do to the major population. 

FALWELL: The ACLU has to take 
a lot of blame for this. 

ROBERTSON: Well, yes. 

FALWELL: And I know РИ hear 
from them for this. But, throwing 
God out successfully with the 
help of the federal court system, 
throwing God out of the public 
square, out of the schools. ... The 
abortionists have to bear some 
burden for this because God will 
not be mocked. And when we 
destroy 40 million little innocent 


happen.” 


—JERRY FALWELL 


America and said, “Let 
the ACLU be hanged”? 
In other words, when the 
nation is on its knees, 
the only normal and natural and 
spiritual thing to do is what we 
ought to be doing all the time— 
lling upon God. 

ROBERTSON: Amen. 

Falwell later claimed his com- 
ments had been taken out of con- 
text, and apologized to “every Amer- 
ican, including those I named." For 
his part, Robertson added material- 
ism, secularism, bad television, In- 
ternet pornography and a lack of 
state-sponsored prayer to the list 
of reasons God lifted the “mantle 
of divine protection our nation has 
enjoyed since its founding." He al- 
so claimed he had "not fully un- 
derstood" Falwell's comments. Ap- 
parently that didn't stop him from 
agreeing with each of them. 


53 


4 heard about the project 
W for months. Surgeon Gener- 

al David Satcher had put to- 
gether a report so explosive it had to 
be shelved, No one involved in the proj- 
ect had a copy to leak. This was X-Files 
territory. Did it include a plea to 
provide flavored condoms in schools? 
А call for mandatory masturbation? A 
plan to teach birth control through 
anal sex? 

In late June, Satcher finally released 
the unseen but already controversial 
document. It is less about sex and 
more about sexuality, which is what sex 
becomes when you form a committee 
to talk about it. In The Surgeon General's 
Call to Action to Promote Sexual Health 
and Responsible Sexual 
Behavior, Satcher out- 
lines a bureaucratic 
strategy for advancing 
the national dialogue 
on sexuality. Moral 
conservatives promptly 
scanned the report for 
the dirty parts—i.e., 
paragraphs with words 
such as condom, abor- 
tion and homosexual. 
We read the bibliog- 
raphy, looking for the 
names of friends. If 
you're like most Ameri- 
cans and consider sex a 
natural and necessary part of life, the 
report reads like Common Sense, without. 
the passion. If you're part of the up- 
tight minority that holds the reins at 
the White House, it is nothing short of 
blasphemy—a call for the U.S. to re- 
turn to the traditions of Sodom and 
Gomorrah, with porous condoms and 
unnatural acts between people whom 
God has not joined. 

At a press conference, Satcher ex- 
plained what he felt was an urgent 
need for the report. "We have a long 
way to go in our comfort in talking 
about sex," he said. "I think we have 
created a conspiracy of silence." 

A conspiracy of silence? Is Satcher 
the only man in America who has nev- 
er seen Jerry Springer, Sally or Geraldo 
during sweeps? Has he never walked 
past a newsstand and scanned the cov- 
ers of Cosmopolitan and Maxim? Does he 
not have cable? There's no conspiracy 


new report, same old reaction 


By JAMES R. PETERSEN 


of silence about sex—at least not about 
dysfunctional sex, which is the kind 
most often practiced by people who 
have been kept ignorant by govern- 
ment decree. 

As government reports go, The Sur- 
geon General's Call to Action is short (16 
pages), well documented (seven pages 
of references and suggested reading) 
and collaborative (130 persons, rep- 
resenting 90 organizations, provided 
input). Contributors ranged from the 
head of the Kinsey Institute to the se- 
nior pastor of Harlem's Abyssinian Bap- 
tist Church, as well as enough Ph.D.s to 
crash a hard drive. 

To its credit, the report suggests lau- 
datory public-policy goals such as put- 


ting reproductive-health care (e.g., 
birth control and treatment for venere- 
al disease) within reach of the poor and 
disenfranchised. It also acknowledg- 
es the growth in sexually transmitted 
diseases, sexual violence and unwant- 
ed pregnancies. To combat these prob- 
lems, the surgeon general wants the 
nation to give its citizens more in- 
formation about sexual health, and 
he wants this education to "begin ear- 
ly and continue throughout the life 
span." That's as close as he gets to call- 
ing for an end to the travesty of absti- 
nence-only sex education in schools, or 
the threat of mandatory content filters 
on the Internet in public schools and li- 
braries. These are the places where sex 
education happens. 

Its good intentions notwithstanding, 
Satcher's report could have been re- 
duced to a single page that includes: 
(1) Kids, don't fuck. (2) If you do, make 


sure it's part of a "committed, endur- 
ing and mutually monogamous rela- 
tionship"—like your divorced parents 
had. (3) If you're not paying attention, 
maybe you'll listen to sexual role mod- 
els such as Magic Johnson and Jerry 
Falwell, or community leaders, the 
press, teachers, church leaders or law- 
makers. We're urging them to help 
out, because they know so much about 
sex, and present it so well. (4) Use con- 
doms. But as we said, you're not going 
to fuck, so don't worry much about 
this. It's more a theory. (5) Be nice to 
gay people. (6) Don't abuse children. 
(7) Don't rape anyone. 

Like others before it, the report re- 

views the success of various govern- 

ment programs de- 
signed to educate 
youngsters about the 
driving force of life. 
Not surprisingly, 
finds that educat 
works better than ig- 
norance. Consider 
the California expe- 
rience. In a moment 
of courage, Gover- 
nor Pete Wilson jetti- 
soned an abstinence- 
only program for the 
poor called Educa- 
tion Now and Babies 
Later in favor of a 
Medicaid waiver for comprehensive 
family planning. Between 1997 and 
1998, the new program prevented an 
estimated 108,000 unwanted pregnan- 
cies, including 50,000 unintended 
births, 41,000 abortions and 15,000 
miscarriages. The state figures it saved 
more than $512 million in prenatal 
and birthing costs. 

The official reaction of the Bushies 
to Satcher's report was predictable 
The White House, beholden to the 
votes of the right, distanced itself from 
any sane discussion of sexual health. 
“The surgeon general was not appoint- 
ed by this administration," a presiden- 
tial spokesman said. "The president 
thinks abstinence is important." The 
San Francisco Chronicle unearthed a se- 
nior official who reported that Bush 
objected to portions of Satcher's re- 
port and had little confidence in the 
surgeon general. The source wasn't 


saying which portions the president 
objected to specifically, but it’s probably 
the 15 pages that don't say, “Just say no. 
Goodnight.” 

For a few days, at least, the report 
gave the religious right something to 
do besides yell Bible passages at gays. 
“Pro-family" groups immediately at- 
tempted to make Satcher guilty by as- 
sociation with his former boss. They 
asked, "What would you expecı from a 
Clinton appointee?” Boston Globe col- 
umnist Don Feder couldn't contain his 
outrage, reminding his readers that 
Clinton's first surgeon general was 
Joycelyn Elders, “the mullah of mas- 
turbation” (actually, Elders did nothing 
more than suggest that touching your- 
self is how most young people first 
learn about their sexual response, and 
that perhaps they shouldn't be given 
the idea it's bad for them). 

Feder attacked the surgeon gener- 
al for having consulted with "commer- 
cial sex workers" (i.e., prostitutes) 
"Besides hookers," he wrote, "Satcher 
received sage advice from their col- 
leagues in Planned Parenthood, the Al- 
an Guttmacher Institute and the Sex 
Information and Education Council 
of the United States." Whores, fellow 
travelers, one and all. Lest we forget, 
Jesus sought out commercial sex work- 
ers. He admired their honesty. 

So as not to disappoint the news me- 
dia, a spokesman for Focus on the 
Family, the Colorado-based lynch mob- 
activist group, called for Satcher's res- 
ignation. His report was nothing more 
than "bad science and bad medicine." 
The surgeon general had been used 
as a pawn, the group's spokesman 
charged, "by liberal groups to add 
credit to their ideology." The model of 
health proposed by Satcher was "not 
the model that most Americans want 
for their kids." 

Who says? According to a Kaiser 
Family Foundation survey of 4000 pub- 
lic school families, more than eight in 
10 parents say condoms and other 
forms of birth control, including details 
on how to use them and how to talk to 
your partner about them, should be 
part of sex education. Three quarters 
said abortion and sexual orientation 
should be discussed. Most realize, per- 
haps from personal experience, that 
vows of chastity break more frequent- 
ly than condoms. 

Instead of listening to Americans, 
the Bushies continue to push faith- 
based abstinence programs. There's a 
word for people who rely on prayer, 
promises and good intentions for birth 
control. They re called parents. 


do gay teens 
need legal 
protection? 


ession 


56 


N E W 


s E К 


O N T 


what's happening in the sexual and social arenas 


— u 


SALT LAKE CrtY—One day last summer, 
Dee Dee Derian mowed her lawn wearing 
a bikini. A neighbor complained to the 
police, who showed up at Derian's home 


to check her compliance with a city law 
against public leudness. The local prose- 
culor declined to press charges, saying that 
the bikini sufficiently covered Derian's but- 
tocks and breasts. Derian says other resi- 
dents have И in for her because she runs a 
topless maid service out of her home. 


— — DEAD RIGHTS е 

RALEIGH, NORTH CAROLINA—Watch 
what you say at a funeral home. The state 
legislature passed a law that prohibits the 
use of “indecent or obscene language in 
the presence of a dead human body.” The 
representative who pushed the law says it 
came at the request of the Board of Mortu- 
ary Science, “out of respect for the dead 
and loved ones of the dead.” The law also 
prohibits transporting an uncovered corpse 
in the passenger seat of a car. 


LEGALLY BOUND — 


JACKSON, MISSISSIPPI— Soon after po- 
lice arrested Jack Bodne in a murder-for- 
hire scheme, his wife filed for divorce. She 
said her husband's arrest had humiliat- 
ed her. She also alleged that he had told 
dirty jokes, used profanity and kept child 
porn on his computer. Bodne denied his 
wife's charges, but a judge granted the di- 


vorce. Bodne, who allegedly paid a cop 
posing as a hit man to kill three associates, 
‘fought the divorce. A state court of appeals 
ruled in his favor, deciding that his arrest 
and behavior wasn't enough to justify a di- 
vorce. Instead, a spouse must prove habitual, 
cruel and inhumane treatment that makes 
the marriage too “revolting” to continue. 


N ee 

KINGS MOUNTAIN, NORTH CAROLINA— 
Оп a warm September morning, a naked 
two-year-old ran outside her family’s rural. 
home to retrieve her kitten. Two hours lat- 
еқ а social worker showed up. She said а 
passerby had complained about a nude 
toddler, and that she wanted to talk with 
each of the family’s four children alone. 
The family refused. The father said he was 
troubled by the child welfare agency's abil- 
ity "to force themselves upon families with- 
out any kind of oversighi." A state court 
ruled against the family. It stated that the 
Fourth Amendment doesn't apply during 
child welfare investigations because they 
aren't initially criminal matters. 


comes (V Es P m 


CANTON, OHIO— Kevin Erwin went on- 
line looking for a submissive lover. The 
woman who answered his ad seemed to 
fulfill his fantasy-—Eruin says she even 
signed a contract agreeing to be his sex 
slave. The woman says that when she later 
told Erwin she wanted to end the affair, he 
tortured her for eight hours. Proseculors 
charged Erwin with rape, kidnapping and 
assault. During his trial, he testified that 
the woman never ultered pepper or toma- 
to—two words they had chosen as signals 
10 slow or end rough sex. A jury acquitted 
Erwin of all charges, although the fore- 
man said that after hearing three days of 
testimony about the couple's sex life, he 
wanted to scrub himself with bleach. 


PC MEMORIAL —— 


ATHENS, GEORGIA—A committee at the 
University of Georgia rejected a propos- 
al for a campus memorial that would list 
the names of students and alumni killed 
during U.S. wars. The committee's student 
representative, one of seven members who 
voted against the proposal, said the monu- 
ment would “by its nature exclude females, 
non-Anglo males, African Americans, ho- 
mosexuals and international students.” 


—— REOR, — 


BOSTON—Police say they pulled a rock 
musician over because his Porsche had a 
noisy muffler and a broken license plate 
light. The musician thought his long hair, 
leather jacket and sports car were more 
likely reasons, so he secretly recorded the of- 
ficers as they questioned him for 15 mm- 
utes about whether he had drugs in his car. 
They also threatened to jail him. He laler 
took the tape lo police headquarters to file a 
complaint, which led to has being convicted 
of Шева! wiretapping. When he appealed, 
the state supreme court ruled against him. 
One dissenting justice noted that “this is 
apparently the first time that a citizen of 
Massachusetts has been convicted because 
he recorded a police officer performing an 
official function in а public place in the 
presence of a third party within the sight 
and hearing of passersby.” 


= JOINTVENIURE 

FLIN FLON, MANITOBA—Prairie Plant 
Systems, which last year won a contract to 
produce medical marijuana for the Cana- 
dian government, is growing the reefer in 
an abandoned zinc and copper mine. The 
crop grows faster underground because of 
elevated levels of carbon dioxide and be- 


cause heat, light and humidity are stricily 
controlled. Prairie Plant Systems plans to 
deliver enough weed to fill more than a 
million joints. In exchange for receiving 
the marijuana, hundreds of sick Canadi- 
ans have agreed to test its effectiveness. 


^| 
"tam 


PUSSY CAT BY DAY. BACARDI BY NIGHT. 


mn— 7^7 
BACARDE 
EST? 1862 


©2001 TOYOTA MOTOR SALES, USA, INC. BUCKLE UP! DOT FOR THOSE WAO LOVE YOU. 


mus WILL SMITH 


about gelling your ass 


a candid conversation with the star of “ali” 
rap embarrasses him 


kicked, losing your money and why some 


Will Smith shows up for his Playboy Inter- 
view on the Columbia Pictures lot after work- 
ing all morning on Men in Black 2, sharing 
Ihe soundstage with partner Tommy Lee 
Jones and a cast of wormlike, chain-smoking, 
coffee-drinking aliens. 

It's frivolous fare compared to Ali, which 
comes out this month. Ali tells the epic story 
of The Greatest, including the boxer's trans- 
formation from Cassius Clay to Muhammad 
Ali, his decision to give up his championship 
belt during the prime years of his career 
by refusing to serve in Vietnam, and his re- 
demption in knocking out George Foreman. 
It is an important role for Smith, one that 
might determine if he can move beyond the 
popcorn-picture genre and prove he is as 
good au actor as he says he is. 

In person, Smith has a lot more in com- 
топ with Muhammad Ali than MIB's Agent 
J. Like Ali ranting “I told you so" after the 
Sonny Liston and Foreman fights, Smith is 
not above boasting about the movie or him- 
self. But despite the influence of Michael 
Mann, who last pulled an Oscar-nominated 
performance out of Russell Crowe in The In- 
sider, Ali holds no guarantees for success. 
From Raging Bull to The Hurricane, boxing 
bios rarely KO the box office, certainly not 


“I want to be the standard. I want Tom 
Cruise to take movies that I turn down. I 
want you to have to ask Tom Cruise, ‘So what 
does it feel like to have to wait until Will 
Turns il down?’ That is what I want one day.” 


enough to justify Ali's budget of $105 mil- 
lion. Is just the kind of risk the real Ali once 
enjoyed, and Smith relishes being in a posi- 
tion unfamiliar to him: the underdog. 

“Ninety percent of people you ask thought 
this was the worst career move 1 ever made,” 
Smith says. “To quote Ali, they misjudged, 
they miscalculated, they got it all wrong. 
This is the rave film that has the potential for 
critical acclaim and for becoming a popcorn 
movie al the same time. It has the most in- 
credible boxing footage ever committed to 
film. You will never see an actor making 
films on the level 1 am, allowing heavyweight 
boxers to punch him in the face as much as 1 
did. This is the film of the decade, Period.” 

Even though he's become a globally bank- 
able movie star with irrepressible charm, the 
33-year-old rapper turned actor has long 
been proving himself to doubters. At the age 
of 18, he told his parents he was skipping 
college to become a rap star. The industry 
was fledgling, its proponents mostly rapping 
about hard lives in the ghetto, something 
Smith knew nothing about. He was raised in 
middle-class Philadelphia in surroundings 
furnished by a father who owned a refrig- 
eration business and a mother who worked 
for the school board. 


“There's something cathartic about getting 
knocked down and standing back up. No one 
can train for a year and compete with a pro- 
fessional. But the average person on Ihe 


street, 1 will beat the living dog crap ош of.” 


Smith was given a year to prove himself. 
In that time he and partner D.J. Jazzy Jeff 
won rap's first Grammy Award, for Parents 


Just Don't Understand, and became one of 


the first rap acts to reach platinum status. 
Other hits followed, and the duo was touring 
the world and raking in the bucks, with 
Smith making a stylish impression in videos. 

That would prove to be a saving grace for 
Smith, who promptly blew most of his cash 
on himself and his friends. He didn't spread 
enough of that money to the IRS, which pro- 
vided a much-needed wake-up call. Lucki- 
ly, the taxman wasn't the only one pag- 
ing Smith. Quincy Jones and NBC thought 
his goofy charm might translate to television. 
Soon, Smith was the star of The Fresh Prince 
of Bel-Air, a hit sitcom about a kid who 
leaves the Philadelphia hood and heads west 
to live with rich relatives. 

The transition to Hollywood didn't take 
long. Smith showed potential in the movie 
version of Six Degrees of Separation, play- 
ing Paul, the confused but charming gay 
hustler who appeals to the liberal guilt of a 
bunch of ari-loving New Yorkers and cons 
his way into their circle, claiming he is the 
son of Sidney Poitier. 

The next big break came with Bad Boys. а 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY MIZUNO 


“The images we see of Africa are from the 
bush. It's the same thing black people say 
about the news in the U.S. When something 
happens, the newspeople find the most igno- 
rant black dude and put him on TV." 


59 


PLAYBOY 


high-testosterone buddy action comedy that 
was originally crafted for Dana Carvey and 
Jon Lovitz but was reconfigured for Smith 
and fellow TV star Martin Lawrence. The 
film turned loose Smith's macho potential 
and led to a lead role in Independence Day. 
Playing jet pilot Captain Steven “Eagle” 
il ith kicked alien tail with a gleeful 
flourish. The sci-fi spectacle grossed more 
than $900 million worldwide and Smith be- 
came a box-office king. He landed subse- 
quent roles in such diverse films as Men in 
Black, The Legend of Bagger Vance, Enemy 
of the State and the much-panned Wild Wild 
West. He won a couple of MTV Awards, 
three Blockbuster Awards and a nod as 
Star of the Year from ShoWest, an award 
bestowed by theater owners, Smith then re- 
turned to rap by providing the catchy title 
song to Men in Black and releasing Big 
Willie Style, a multiplatinum seller that 
hatched the hit song Gettin’ Jiggy With It. 
Smith was on a fast track even if his per- 
sonal life suffered from it, evidenced by the 
end of his three-year marriage to Sheree 
Zampino in 1995. He rebounded from his 
divorce by falling in love with actress Jada 
Pinkett. They married in late 1997 and had 
а son the following summer and a daughter 
last year (Smith also has a son from his first 
marriage). 

Playboy tapped Daily Variety columnist 
Michael Fleming (who previously interviewed 
Kevin Spacey and Robert Downey Jr: for the 
magazine) 10 catch up with Smith at this 


critical juncture т his career. Fleming 
oris: 

"Smith arrived far the interview in light 
blue warm-ups, still in makeup from shoot- 
ing scenes all morning. He's tall and vangy, 
with the easy gait and the broad shoulders 
of an athlete, obvious testament to the ring 
hardness gained from endless rounds of 
sparring to play Ali. Despite his busy sched- 
ule, Smith had no problem focusing on the 
task at hand. And, like Ali, he tends to make 
numerous boasts and pronouncements that 
somehow never leave you thinking, Wow, 
this guy's а jerk. Maybe that's because, like 
Ali, he carefully thinks about and believes 
what he says, and he can usually back up his 
bragging. Any expectation that Smith might 
have been tired or distracted after shooting a 
movie all morning dissipated immediately. 
‘Tm down with you, dog, till the wheels fall 
off" he says as we are about to start. He 
means it." 


PLAYBOY: You once rapped a hit song 
called I Think I Can Beat Mike Tyson. After 
trading blows in the ring with real fight- 
ers, do you think you could handle an 
accomplished boxer? 

SMITH: You have to spend large portions 
of your life doing something to be great. 
No one can train for a year and compete 
with a professional in anything. But the 
average person on the street, I will beat 
the living dog crap out of. 

PLAYBOY: How did you train? 


SMITH: My trainer is Darrell Foster—he 
trained with Sugar Ray Leonard. For the 
initial 14 months, his approach was not 
to teach me to fight like Ali. He taught 
me to fight, feeling that once I knew 
how to fight, as an actor, I'd learn how 
to fight like Ali. “The way we are going 
to do that," he said, "is that I’m going to 
put these gloves on, and I'm going to 
show you what it feels like to face a man 
on the other side of the ring who wants 
to bash your head in.” 

PLAYBOY: So how does it feel to get your 
ass kicked? 

SMITH: There's something cathartic about 
getting knocked down and standing back 
up, something really animalistic that puts 
you in touch with the center of who you 
are. It's the concept of fight or flight. You 
really discover who you are in that 30 
seconds before the bell rings, and espe- 
cially in that five seconds after the first 
time you get clipped. 

PLAYBOY: So the first time that you got 
knocked down, were you thinking about 
swinging back, or calling your agent to 
get you out of this? 

SMITH: I didn't go down the first time I 
got clipped. I was hit by Michael Bentt, 
who plays Sonny Liston in the movie, 
and it was in the early days of training, 
just after Darrell told all the fighters to 
turn it up on me a notch. I kind of 
dipped when I should have dived, and 1 
caught a right hand square in the center 


MUSIC YOU WON'T BE ABLE TO GET OUT OF YOUR HEAD. 


BRAND NEW FOR 2001 


AVERY SPECIAL 
CHRISTMAS 


ж Darlene Love * В.В. King & John Popper + ж 


Stevie Wonder & Kimberly Bre 


Available in stores everywhere! 


www.veryspacial.org 


ж P ҚЫРА E 


y» И MASS N AS NS 
LUAM 7 
ЖА. EVEN қық 


THE HOLIDAY 
2001 COLLECTION AT 
ZWWW.PLAYBOYSTORE.COM. 


SEXY GIFTS FOR 5 


5 ¡EVERYONE ОМ YOUR LIST. 


Pe: мъж 


PLAYBÖYSTÖRE, COM Y 


THE >; AR THE SELECTION. THE SOURCE. 


uq а 


эе N A s ee а орда 


of my forehead. 1 felt an electric shock 
from the top of my spine down the back 
of both of my elbows. It was a straight 
right hand, and you really want to avoid 
right hands and lefi hooks. That was the 
first clean shot, and it woke me up. I had 
to decide how committed I was to be- 
coming Muhammad Ali 

PLAYBOY: Ali came to watch you in the 
ting. What was that like? 

SMITH: When he came down the first 
time, he was really excited. It was great 
to watch his eyes, because even at his 
age, he is still amazed by himself. He is 
looking at me, but he is really looking at 
himself. He told me I got him so excited 
that he was going to make a comeback. 
PLAYBOY: You became a star by playing 
comic action heroes in popcorn movies. 
Now you're in a serious drama, playing 
one of the 20th century's most famous 
icons—while he's still alive. There are 
no flying saucers, no special effects. Why 
do it? 

SMITH: I think his story is almost biblical. 
He is the patron saint of all colonized 
people, all people who suffer under cul- 
tural imperialism. He is the perfect de- 
piction of being who you want to be, 
which is the universal theme that real- 
ly attracted me. If his life didn't happen 
for real, you couldn't write it, because it 
would seem so phony. It’s perfect. Ev- 
erything he lived and the experiences he 
had are so rich and so close to the center 
of what human beings are, what poor 
people around the world experience 
emotionally and spiritually on a daily ba- 
sis. I felt like there was nobody in the 
world who could do this but me. 
PLAYBOY: That's bold. 

SMITH: There are roles you are born to 
play. Muhammad Ali just happened to 
be the guy I could relate to spiritually 
and emotionally, down to his attraction 
to women. 

PLAYBOY: The script is very open about 
Ali's affairs while he was married. Your 
image is of a happily married monoga- 
mous guy. 

SMITH: I can relate to his appreciation of 
women. T's not as superficial as the com- 
mon male attraction to women. The 
manifestation of the behavior is com- 
mon, but I can relate to the depth of the 
attraction, because it is not sexual with 
him. You see him with six-year-old girls, 
you watch him with his daughters. He 
just loves female energy. 

PLAYBOY: Was Ali your hero, or more 
your father's hero? 
SMITH: My father's. There were times in 
my father’s life when he agreed with and 
loved Ali, and times when he hated him. 
PLAYBOY: You mean when Ali refused to 
fight in Vietnam? 

SMITH: My father was in the Air Force, so 
they disagreed on that. People look at Ali 
and say, “Wow, he is the greatest. I really 
admire him. nk about what we are 
saying—I admire that he didn't go to 
Vietnam and kill strangers. We would 


like to think we could all stand up and 
say, “Wait a minute, exactly why are you 
sending my 17-year-old son to Viet- 
nam?" That before we would pick up 
a gun and kill a stranger, we would 
have some comprehension of what we 
were doing. But instead we say he is a 
revolutionary. 
PLAYBOY: Ali took a stance and paid a 
high price: the prime of his career and 
his heavyweight championship belt. 
SMITH: 1 can relate to the simplicity of 
that, which I think is at the center of the 
man. 1 enjoy having nice things. I will 
never know what I would have done in a 
similar situation. That is the bittersweet 
nature of doing this role. I love playing 
Ali, but I will never know if I am as great 
as I think I am. 
PLAYBOY: You first became famous be- 
cause you had a gift for rhyming. How 
good were Ali's poems? 
SMITH: My favorite is the one he does for 
the Ali-Frazier fight. I actually do it in 
the film. “Ali comes up and meets Fra- 
zier, but Frazier starts to retreat/and if 
Joe goes back any farther/he'll wind up 
in a ringside seat.” I love that. His poems 
were perfect in the moment. He was a 
boxer, not a poet, but his poetry was so 
charged. And it was fun that someone 
could have such a cavalier attitude about 
fighting a killer. 
PLAYBOY: In his second Playboy Interview, 
Ali claimed he had been profoundly af- 
fected by traveling to Africa to fight. You 
went to Africa to re-create the George 
Foreman fight. How did it affect you? 
SMITH: Oh, man. That was truly an ex- 
perience of a lifetime. Jada and 1 pur- 
chased a house in South Africa, and we 
are going to live there for a year starting 
in December. The experience in Africa 
was amazing. I had dinner with Nelson 
Mandela. It’s weird to talk about because 
I haven't intellectualized it all yet. 1 am 
still living off the emotion of the expe- 
rience. Africa is the best and the worst. 
of everything that exists on this planet, 
the most beautiful land you will ever see 
in your life. So many countries in Afri- 
ca were colonized by so many different 
people; different worlds exist within an 
hour of one another. You hear someone 
speaking French—an hour away it's Por- 
tuguese. Then there are all the tribal 
languages. 
When I first landed in Africa, I was re- 
ally pissed off that I was so ignorant and 
that children in America, when they say 
Africa, think of lions, tigers and giraffes. 
1 got this State Department breakdown 
of Mozambique and Maputo, and it 
reads like going there is a death wish. 
In all my years in America I have nev- 
er seen a picture of a beautiful African 
woman. Think about that. Have you ev- 
er seen a picture of a beautiful African 
woman? 
PLAYBOY: Most men can probably recall 
being moved at a young age by photos in 
National Geographic. 


2001 BRWT Co. 


TASTES-SMOOTHER 
BURNS SLOWER 


LASTS-LONGER 


Filtered Pall Mall gives you more 


puffs tl 


Pall Mall 
Marlboro 
Camel 
Doral 
Winston 
Basic 


n other major brands 


PUFFS 7 а 10 11 


Avg. Рийз Per Cigarette 
Source: B&W Analytical Tes! Results (FTC Method) 
Comparison of Pall Mall, Marlboro, Winston, 


Camel, Doral and Basic Filter Box 1005 
Marboro and Basic trademarks ot 

Philp Moris incorporated, 

Winston, Camel, and Doral are rogllared tradomarks ol 


RI Rayno Tobacco Company. 
Lights Menthol, 12 mg. “tar”, 1.0 mg nicotine; Lights, 
12 mg. “tar”, 1.3 mg. nicotine; Filter, 16 mg. "lar", 

13 mg nicotine av. per cigarette by FTC Method. 
Actual deliveries will vary based on how you hold and 
smoke your cigarette. For more product information, 
visit our website at www.bw.com 


SURGEON GENERAL'S 
WARNING: Smoking By 
Pregnant Women May Result 
in Fetal Injury, Premature 
Binh And Low Birth Weight. 


on of Amarica SMAI62 & SMA003 (rom top to Betton) 


\ SEIKO 


SMITH: Right, but that’s a little different. 
We stepped off the plane in Africa, and 
there were a few hundred people in the 
airport. Some girls came running up, 
and I was like, Oh my God, why don't 
they show these in National Geographic? 1 
met Miss Mozambique. She is 65” and, 
believe me, you have never seen a won 
ап who looks like this. It felt like God 
house was in Africa and he made sure 
everything around his house was beauti- 
ful. The images we see of Africa are from 
the bush. They show you the least edu- 
cated, poorest people they can find to 
put on television. It is the same thing 
black people say about the news in the 
U.S. When something happens, the 
newspeople find the most ignorant black 
dude and put him on TV to explain it. 
That is exactly what happens with Africa. 
But let me tell you, Africa has the most 
beautiful women, the most beautiful 
landscape, the poshest hotels. I didn’t 
even know there were cities! As dumb as 
that might sound, I was surprised to see 
that Johannesburg is like Manhattan 
Clubs, restaurants. И made me angry 
that I didn’t know. Poverty exists in Afri- 
the epidemic of ALDS exists, but they 
olated in the poorer areas, where 
the people are uneducated and don't 
have access to hospitals and adequate 
medicine. The richest and the poorest 
live in Africa. 

PLAYBOY: Is this something you'll do for 
just a year or will you keep a place in 
Africa from now on? 

SMITH: I refuse to miseducate my chil- 
dren in the way that I was miseducat- 
ed. My oldest son is eight, and when I 
talked to him about Africa, he asked, 
"Did you see any giraffes, Daddy?" We 
will go there for a year and I will put 
him in school and we will experience the 
continent. 

PLAYBOY: Back to Ali. Another reason 
that you seem right to play him is your 
confidence. 

SMITH: And 1 am so pretty. 

PLAYBOY: Pretty, charming and confident, 
way back to when you started your act- 
ing career. Ali was that way from the be- 
ginning. Is all this a way to mask fear 
and insecurity? 

SMITH: In his case, part of it was to con- 
vince himself. He mastered psychologi- 
cal warfare. When you say you arc the 
greatest enough times, you believe it and 
other people believe it. Then you have 
to prove it and live up to being the great- 
est. I think a large part of it was to fuel 
himself 

PLAYBOY: What about you? You became 
the star of The Fresh Prince when you had 
never acted before. 

SMITH: I never had any ques 
was great. 

PLAYBOY: Weren't you a little terrified? 
SMITH: I had made videos and was no 
stranger to the camera, but the dialogue 
as brand new and it took me time to 
figure it out. Jada made a point the oth- 


are 


tion that I 


er night that really stuck with me. She 
said I was brilliantly naive, and I hon- 
estly believe that's exactly what I am. I 
think I could be the president of the U.S. 
if 1 really wanted to. Someone with а po- 
litical background might say, “No, you 
can't—you didn't do this or that.” But 
that person had better hope I don't de- 
cide that’s what I want to do next. That 
attitude was never more obvious than on 
Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. 1 was so naive that 
1 wasn't really nervous. The night before 
the first reading, 1 remember sitting in 
my house. I had DirecTV, with like 999 
channels, and I'm flipping through and 
watching show after show, all these dif- 
ferent people. It just dawned on me that, 
considering all the people I was seeing 
on TV, the law of averages would not al- 
low me to be the worst. A betting man 
would wager I'd be somewhere in the 
middle. So at worst, right away I'm bet- 
ter than half of all the people оп ТҮ. 
Now, I'm not dumb. I've performed and 
been onstage, so that has to be worth a 
couple of percentage points. That puts 
me at the point of being better than 65 
percent of all people on TY. I know I'm 
surrounded by a very good cast, and di- 
rectors and producers who know what 
they're doing. That's worth another nine 
or 10 percent. I learned from my father 
that a huge part of success is a willing- 
ness to work, so I made it a point to learn 
every single word of dialogue in the 
script. While 1 waited my turn, I'd mouth 
everyone else's lines. It took about six 
episodes for somebody to notice and say 
something, because you tend to look at 
the person who's talking. But if you ever 
watch reruns of the show, you'll proba- 
bly see me doing it. 

PLAYBOY: Did you really believe that con- 
fidence formula you'd worked out, even 
though you were a newcomer to acting? 
SMITH: I always felt that if anybody could 
do it, 1 could, simply based on the fact 
that, within 10 or 15 percent differential 
for intellect or physicality, we are all 
similarly talented. What makes us differ- 
entis who wants it more. The greatest 
strength I have is that | am a terminator. 
Period. Once 1 say I'm going to do some- 
thing, there are two options. Гат going 
to do it, or Lam going to be dead. I made 
up a saying, and when 1 said it to my 
wife, she didn't like it. But ат going to 
let the world decide: Success is baked by 
a chef named obsession. That is how I 
feel. Lam one of the most obsessive peo- 
ple you will ever meet. I absolutely will 
not lose at anything. If you beat me, re: 
assured the best person in the world will 
be ona plane tomorrow to teach me how 
to do it better. 

PLAYBOY: Seriously? 

SMITH: My father taught me how to play 
chess when I was seven, and rarely do I 
run into somebody who beats me. On 
Enemy of the State, this old dude beat me 
bad. The next day 1 found a chess mas- 
ter to train me for the next three months 


The Science Part. 


The Seiko Kinetic Auto Relay 

is powered by human movement. 
There is no battery to change. 
There are no springs. It is not 
self-winding. Motion, no matter 


how slight, charges it 


If it senses three days of inactivity, 
it puts itself into a sort of sus- 
pended animation. A few shakes 
of your wrist wakes it up. It then 
automatically resets itself to the 
exact time, even if it’s been asleep 


for up to four years. 


There is nothing else like it 


in the world. 


SALT LAKE 2002 


QRO 


OFFICIALTIMER 


SEIKO 


Named Olficial Timar at Six Olympic Gam 


© 1001 Saiko Corporation of America 


PLAYBOY 


so I could beat that dude before the mov- 
ie was over. 

PLAYBOY: And you beat him? 

SMITH: Absolutely. 

PLAYBOY: Did you get your work ethic 
from your father? 

SMITH: Yes. He owned a refrigeration 
business, you know those long freezer 
cases you see in supermarkets? We in- 
stalled those, and we had an ice compa- 
ny, manufacturing th 
As soon as I could dri 
to 18, I practically ran the business my- 
self. There is one thing that I remember 
most about my father. 1 might have been 
about 13, and we went into the basement 
of a supermarket where he had to fix a 
compressor. A supermarket basement is 
just about the nasti- 
est place in the world, 
maybe four times 
worse than a dirty 
movie theater floor, 
for comparison's 
sake. We go down 
there, our feet stick- 
ing to the floor, and 
I see this rat lying 
right where we need 
to be. This thing 
had eaten d-Con, 
which essentially 
burns its insides out 
and kills it. From 
the front it looked 
OK, but the rat's 
stomach and back 
legs were burned 
away. With his bare 
hand, my father 
tried to move it but 
it was stuck. So he 
yanked on it, tore it 
loose and flipped it 
out of the way. Then 
he put his head 
down on the floor 
where the rat was, 
to do his work. Let 
me tell you, I never 
complained, from 
that day forward, 
about doing what I 
had to do to feed 
my fami 
PLAYBOY: Despite your star power and 
the prestigious movies director Michael 
Mann has made, Ali almost fell apart, 
and only was made when you and he 
took responsibility for the budget. Stu- 
dios feared that a historical film about a 
black man wouldn't draw audiences in 
some foreign territories. How did you 
feel about that? 

SMITH: A hundred million dollars is a lot 
of money. In the past, these types of 
films have been difficult for studios. Mi- 
chael Mann and I put our fees in to aug- 
ment the budget and show our commit- 
ment to the project. We also showed our 
commitment in other ways. We all decid- 


66 ed early on that while getting injured 


ARTISAN 2 И. mes = a Repeats 


would be difficult for production, if we 
didn't deliver real boxing, it would be 
on film for the rest of our lives, and our 
kids and grandkids and Muhammad Ali 
would see it. We decided there would 
be no movie fighting. In this movie, we 
are fighting, punching, everybody is get- 
ting hit. We started with the headgear 
so everybody could get used to what it 
feels like. 

1 injured my thumb in the first six 
months of training. The doctor said I 
broke it, and that hyped me up. It felt 
like commitment to me. I liked that I 
was punching people and my thumb was 
hurting. This film was the most difficult 
thing I have ever done, to the point that 
I had to stop in the middle of the day 


TT] 


45 


REPLICANT 


MICHAEL HOOKER 


— | 


DVD SPECIAL FEATURES“ Commentary with Van Damme nnd Michael Rocher * Deletad Scenen 


16:9 Widescreen + Dolby 5 Digital Snronnd Andin * And More! 


RENT OR BUY IT TODAY ON 2x? 


and pray, Please give me strength to not 
tear somebody's head off here. Let me 
stay focused and committed to what I'm 
doing. There were a lot of days I wanted 
to get on a plane and go home. 

PLAYBOY: Boxing aside, this is your most 
challenging role since Six Degrees of Sep- 
aration. Are there actors whose career 
paths you've tried to follow? 

SMITH: There are a few people Uve 
watched. My goal is to be the most di- 
verse actor in the history of Hollywood. 
When I look back, I don't want there to 
be one person who has a more colorful 
spectrum of films. 

PLAYBOY: Who comes closest to where 
you want to be? 


SMITH: Cary Grant was rounded enough 
emotionally to be in any kind of film, 
and that's the kind of career I am search- 
ing for. Right now Tom Hanks is the 
man, and there's Julia Roberts, Denzel, 
Tom Cruise. The bottom line is the abili- 
ty to perform in the role and take people 
where you want them to go. 

PLAYBOY: Compare yourself with guys like 
Cruise, Hanks and Mel Gibson. Is there 
a quality you have that these guys don't? 
SMITH: Of the guys who are really funny, 
most of them probably wouldn't have fit 
in Bad Boys. Most of the really brilliant 
dramatic actors wouldn't have fit in Men 
in Black 2. What I'm working toward is 
diversity. Tom Hanks’ career, plus action 
movies, is what I'm shooting for. I don't 
view myself as go. 
ing against white ac- 
tors. | want to do a 
role that that per- 
son wanted to get. T 
want to be the stan- 
dard. 1 want Tom 
Cruise to take mov- 
ies that [ turn down. 
I want you to have 
to ask Tom Cruise, 
"So what does it feel 
like to have to wait 
until Will turns it 
down?" That is what 
I want one day. I 
want you to have to 
ask Tom Hanks, “If 
Will turns down the 
next whatever, will 
you take it?” 
PLAYBOY: Do you 
have leading-man 
looks? You have de- 
scribed your face as 
а car with the doors 
open, because of 
your prominent ears. 
SMITH: I'm comfort- 
able with the way 
I look. I do have 
prominent ears, but 
women love them, 
they like the way 
they stick out. I did 
have to pin them 
back to play Ali 
PLAYBOY: How, as a director, does Mi- 
chael Mann broach the subject that his 
star's ears don't work for the role? 
SMITH: Michael Mann doesn't pull punch- 
es on anything, ever. He just says, they 
have to go. They made this prosthetic 
mold and put it on the backs of my ears 
It took an hour and a half cach day, but 
it made my ears less noticeable. 

PLAYBOY: What part of your acting reper- 
toire haven't we seen yet? 

SMITH: Romance. There is a little ro- 
mance in Ali. 1 haven't been in a real ro- 
mantic scene yet. 

PLAYBOY: You had a passionate scene with 
Anthony Michael Hall in Six Degrees 
SMITH: [Laughs hard] That is the only love 


BACK WITH A VENGEANCE! 


ULTIMATE 
FIGHT РАМ ЕТ е 
€ HA MPIOM S EE JF 


„$ Э) ns REAL AS IT GETS! 
STD 


WWW.CRAVEGAMES.COM 


WATCH FOR THE UFC ON PAY-PER-VIEW 


PLAYBOY 


scene I have ever had. I'd like to show I 
can do more than that! 

PLAYBOY: How did you go from playing 
the Fresh Prince to a gay con artist? 
SMITH: Six Degrees was the hardest I ev- 
er had to work to get something. John 
Guare authored the play and the adap- 
tation. He had worked onstage with 
three or four actors he loved. He wasn't 
enjoying the concept of bringing some- 
one in and teaching him, all over again, 
who Раш was. He kept saying, “I don't 
want to meet him, I don't need to, I have 
my cast.” But finally, after six months, he 
came to the set of Fresh Prince. He walked 
into my dressing room, saw I had a pic- 
ture of Run DMC next to one of Mao, 
and he said, “Oh my God, you're him, 
you're Paul!" I never read a piece of dia- 
logue. He said, "You get it!" He hugged 
me, said he was so excited because he 
never thought there was a chance it 
would work. I'm sitting there thinking, 
Man, I'm brilliant. 

PLAYBOY: That proved the easy part 
What was the hardest thing about that 
movie? 

SMITH: It was the fact 1 had never taken 
myself psychologically to that place be- 
fore. I hadn't really mastered the craft. I 
would go 48 hours as Paul—I wouldn't 
come out of character. You do that a few 
times in a 10-day stretch, your lines of 
reality begin to blur. Га speak like Paul 
and not realize it and people would say, 


“Why are you still talking that 
PLAYBOY: Despite that, you didn't want 
to do the gay kissing scene. If you were 
faced with that situation now, would you 
do things differently? 

SMITH: Six Degrees was the film that 
proved I was an actor. If I took that role 
now, that scene would prove my commit- 
ment to the part. But back then, people 
didn't look at me as an actor. I was a 
rapper who was acting, and I felt I had 
things to protect. Now I protect my in- 
tegrity as an actor, but back then I 
thought, How can 1 make a rap album 
after they ve seen me kissing this white 
dude? What annoyed them was that 1 
didn't make it known before I took the 
film, and if I felt this way, 1 shouldn't 
have done the movie. I agree with that. 
But I also have to say that's the best per- 
formance 1 had given in a movie—until 
Ali. Ali blows everything else I've done 
right out of the water. 

PLAYBOY: You first asked Barry Sonnen- 
feld, who directed you in both Men in 
Black movies and in Wild Wild West, to do 
Ali. Then Wild Wild West came out and 
was a flop. Ali languished until Michael 
Mann stepped in. Did you and Barry 
need a break after Wild Wild West proved 
to be a disappointment? 

SMITH: No. There were script issues, and 
at that point 1 didn't want to make Ali. I 
was petrified by the concept of playing 
Ali. I knew how much it would cost and 


I didn't know if it would ever come to- 
gether. Barry took another movie, and 
during that time I met Michael Mann 
He said, “If you were going to do Ali, 
here is what 1 think you should do.” It 
was the first time I was inspired by the 
potential. Ali is a half-court hook shot 
at the buzzer and Michael Mann hit all 
net. When those shots go in, people go 
berserk, scream at the top of their lungs. 
It is the film of the decade. Period. The 
excitement and action of Heat, the depth 
and interpersonal relationships of The 
Insider, the epic quality of The Last of the 
Mohicans. Michael Mann's mind and soul 
and heart were working on all cylinders 
on Ali, and I was his tool 

PLAYBOY: A couple of questions about 
Wild Wild West. 

SMITH: Everybody has at least one, man. 
PLAYBOY: Wild Wild West was an expensive 
disappointment. When did you realize 
you were in trouble? 

SMITH: Probably at the press junket, after 
the reporters had seen the film. 1 have a 
fairly good relationship with the media, 
so a lot of guys who rip other people 
kind of take it easy on me. You always 
know by the first question. After Ali, peo- 
ple will ask, What was it like portraying a 
man that great? On Wild Wild West, the 
first question was, So, are you working 
on Men in Black 2? 

PLAYBOY: The measure of a fighter is 
what he does the moment he's knocked 


FEW BOURBONS 


START CONVERSATIONS 


BEFORE YOU ACTUALLY DRINK THEM. 


KENTUCKY STRAIGHT BOURBON WHISKEY 


WELCOME TO THE NEXT LEVEL. 


PLEASEDRINK RESPONSIBLY | ú 


7771 


Woodlord Reserve Dist 


1 Kentucky Straight Bourbon Whisk 


2% Ale ty VoL, Labor 8 Graham Шеше Lo. Versaides, КҮ 


ADVERTISEMENT 


Playboy's 


Log on to the following websites 


for more information 
* www.mach3.com 

e www.roxio.com 

е www.Pinuplegends.com 

* www.us.infogrames.com 
www.dewars.com 

* www.trimnvac.com 

• www.getDWAY.com 

* www.crutchfield.com 

* www.Starregistry.com 


е WWW.veromax.com 
©2001 Playboy xp. 


ROXIO 
Burn data, video, photography, MP3s, vinyl and whatever 
else you've got to CD with Easy CD Creator" 5 Platinum, from 
Roxio. The best selling CD burning software in the world. 
Now Windows XP compatible. Available at your local retailer 
ог WWW.rOXio.COm 


, I | 
GILLETTE MACH3 


The Gillette MACH3 gift set makes holiday shopping and 
gift-giving easy. The gift set includes the full range of 
Gillette's high performance shaving products—a МАСНЗ 
razor (the number one selling razor in the U.S.), two 
cartridges, Gillette Series Shave Gel and After Shave Skin 
Conditioner. Available in two colors: Silver or Cool Blue. 


CELEBRITY PRODUCTIONS 
In honor of Playboy's oming 
50th anniversary (2004) 
Celebrity Productions LLC 
proudly introduces our Playboy 
Limited Edition Collectible cold- 
cast porcelain figurines, featuring 
Mr. Playboy and his collection of 
beautiful women that made 
Playboy famous. A new edition to 
be released each month. 


www.Pinuplegends.com or call 
toll free 1-888-831-5050. 


ADVERTISEMENT 


Addictive arcade action returns to your computer. Repel an 
all out sea, air and land assault. Pummel your attackers and 
defend your command post. Available for Macintosh® and 
Windows® through computer software retailers nationwide. 
www.us.infogrames.com 


Trim Мас 


VACUUMING BEARD & MUSTACHE | Trimmer 


Neat beard. Clean sink. This stylish rechargeable beard and 
mustache trimmer is so complete it even has a built-in vacuum. 


www.trimnvac.com 


"S 12 

Give the gift of gold. Dewar's 
12 won a Double Gold medal 
at the San Francisco Spirits 
Competition. Dewar's has 
brought its proud tradition of 
blending to this new 12 year- 
old. They've taken the extra 
step of “marrying” select, 
aged whiskies in oak. And 
the taste is as good as gold 
Call 1-877-SPIRITS to send 
a gift. 


DIRECWAY 


Broadband that's out of this world. 


DIRE! \ 

It doesn't matter whether you're naughty or nice—now you 
can get high-speed Internet anywhere in the continental 
U.S. with DIRECWAY! Get smooth streaming video and 
lightning quick downloads. You can even access DIRECTV" 
through the same dish, www.getDWAY.com 


©2001 Hughes Network Systems, a unit of Hughes Electr 
DIRECWAY and BROADBAND THAT'S OUT OF THIS WORI 
of Hughes Electronics Corporation 


ADVERTISEMENT 


C DE RONIC 

It's the audio/video buyer's guide and superstore that comes 
to your door! Top brand digital cameras, DVD players, home 
theater, car stereo systems, and more. Complete info makes 
it easy to choose the features, performance and price you 
want. Fast shipping and toll-free technical support for 
life. Call 1-800-555-8260 for a free catalog or visit: 


www.crutchfield.com 


5 $ 
ER versa > 


SS 


It's just a game, or is it? Join more than four million virtual 
hunters. Play the Fifth Anniversary Edition of America's 
favorite interactive hunting game on your computer. 
www.us.infogrames.com 


TAR ISFRY.COM 

HRIS S MAKE $ 
The International Star Registry will name an actual star after 
anyone on your gift list. For $48 plus S&H the recipient will 
receive a personalized parchment certificate, a sky chart pin- 
pointing your star and an astronomy booklet. The new star 
пате 15 recorded in book form in the US Copyright Office. 
Call today 1-800-282-3333 or visit us at www.Starregistry.com. 


Nutraceuticals 


Ve COUT 


AT 
ТЕТ 
" 


Veromax Natural Sexual Enhancers. . . the Gift Of Great Sex! 
Developed by a leading urologist and based on Nobel Prize 
winning science, Veromax for Men and Veromax for Women 
are clinically proven to increase sexual desire, pleasure 
and function. 


Available at GNC, Whole Foods Markets, Wild Oats and other 


fine retailers nationwide or call 1-800-804-5039 or visit 
Www.veromax.com 


PLAW BUT 


down the first time. How did you handle 
your first big movie failure? 

змитн: The thing that made it really bit- 
ter was I knew the movie wasn't good. 
Six Degrees of Separation didn't make any 
money either, but it was a great film. 
Wild Wild West ended up making money, 
but I knew the movie was bad, and that's 
what hurts me. My fans and I have an 
unspoken understanding that I don't 
put out no dookie. I don't make wack 
movies, and people come out in droves 
the first weekend and make me look like 
a big star. Wild Wild West had a $52 mil- 
lion opening weekend, number one mov- 
ie, and it killed me because I knew it was 
wack. I felt like 1 had cheated my fan: 
PLAYBOY. When you moved from being 
a rapper to starring in a good-natured 
sitcom like Fresh Prince, did you worry 
about being perceived as a sellout? 
SMITH: Not really. I got broken in real- 
ly early in the world of rap. There were 
always people who said my music was 
soft, that it wasn’t real rap. My skin was 
toughened enough to laugh at that type 
of aspersion. And Fresh Prince reflects 
pretty much the core of my personality. 
The level of goofiness I exude in that 
show matches the level I exude daily 
with my kids and my family. 1 am very 
silly, and that show is an accurate depic- 
tion of how it is 80 percent of the time 
you spend with Will Smith. I'm 33, and 
I was 21 or 22 then. I've matured, but 
there's not that big a difference. 
PLAYBOY: Do you let your son listen to 
rappers whose songs degrade women or 
celebrate violence? 

SMITH; I listened to Eddie Murphy's com- 
edy albums when I was growing up. I 
think the dynamic that needs to exist is 
that parents tell kids they are not al- 
lowed to listen to something, and then 
the kids sneak and listen to it. You cre- 
ate the moral groundwork for your chil- 
dren, knowing that they have to stray, 
that they have to live as who they are. 
You never say this to your kids, but that’s 
the approach I'm taking. So 1 tell my son 
he's not allowed to listen, but in the back 
of my mind 1 am hoping he does. 
PLAYBOY: What do you think of the hard- 
edged rap being made now? Could you 
see yourself doing that kind of m 
SMITH: I have to live as who І am. 1 create 
the music that's in my heart. I talk about 
the things I feel, and I am in a position 
that a lot of guys aren't in. 1 don't have to 
rap for money. I make what I want the 
way 1 want to make it. It's hard for me to 
outwardly condemn people for trying to 
feed their families. 

PLAYBOY: Are you concerned with some 
of the messages in these songs? 

smitH: The bottom line is that a lot of 
people who have been blessed with this 
forum aren't really smart. I have educat- 
ed myself beyond a lot of my peers in the 
rap world, and, more than anything, 
here's my beef: 1 understand what you 


72 are saying and what you feel, but the 


world is bigger than what you are rap- 
ping about. Just rap about more topics 
in your world. You mean to tell me, all 
day long, all you do is smoke blunts, 
have sex and kill people? You never do 
anything else? You have never one time 
in your life really liked somebody, never 
been soft and acted spun-out over some 
girl? You never sat outside some girl's 
house hoping she isn't with somebody 
when she comes home? Let me hear that 
story. 

PLAYBOY: You're saying that too much 
rap is one-sided? 

SMITH: Absolutely. We were in a village 
in Mozambique. Jay-Z and Tupac were 
scribbled on the walls of a shack with no 
running water and no electricity. Rap 
music is black America's contribution 
to the world, and that is who people 
around the world think black Americans 
are. They represent me. I have less of a 
problem with Eminem. He is really cre- 
ative but so far over the top that it's 
clearly a farce. Eminem isn't trying to 
make people believe that's really how he 
lives his life every day. Eminem is silly, 
having a good time, and he doesn't affect 
my community. 

PLAYBOY: Whose work do you most 
admire? 

SMITH: There are a lot of guys under- 
ground who have skills, but Jay-Z is the 
most talented mainstream hip-hop lyri- 
cist. I just think there are more topics 
he could explore. He is smart, so I know 
he will. 

PLAYBOY: Independence Day was a gigantic 
hit, but with the exception of Star Wars 
starring Harrison Ford, these films al- 
most never make superstars of their ac- 
tors. Did you know you would become a 
big star because of that film? 

SMITH: Not at all. I knew it would be fun, 
just reading the script. After the movie's 
Super Bowl commercial in which the 
White House blew up and it said, *Enjoy 
the Super Bowl, it might be your last," I 
knew it would be big. 

PLAYBOY: You were paid a bit more than 
illion for a movie that made $900 
Did you feel cheated? 

SMITH: The benefit for me is that I had al- 
ready come through the music business, 
so 1 knew that it all balances out. You 
make a smaller fee for Independence Day, 
one that isn't comparable to your contri- 
bution, but you make way too much 
money for Bagger Vance. Eddie Murphy 
told me, “It’s a marathon, man, it's not a 
sprint. Settle down.” 

PLAYBOY: In The Legend of Bagger Vance, 
some were surprised that you would 
play second banana to Matt Damon, and 
there was criticism that your character 
was subservient. 

SMITH: 1 loved what Bagger Vance turned 
out to be, simple concepts that are simi- 
lar to the concepts I believe about life. 1 
love the analogy to golf. I play golfa lot. 
The Hindu principles of life are not un- 
like how I approach situations. The bot- 


tom line is, once you get started after 
you hit that first ball, no matter where it 
goes, you have to hit it again. 
PLAYBOY: Compared with being punched 
repeatedly in a boxing ring, was one ap- 
peal of Bagger Vance the chance to play 
golf all day? 
SMITH: Oh God, yes. 1 made entirely too 
much money for Bagger Vance. | would 
have paid to do Bagger Vance. My manag- 
er is going to hate it if you print this, but 
1 have never had that much fun making 
a movie, ever. 
PLAYBOY: You were raised by strict par- 
ents in Philadelphia who had dreams 
that you'd graduate from college. How 
tough was it, at the age of 18, to tell them 
you weren't going? 
SMITH: It was toughest for my mom. 
She'd spent that year setting everything 
up. My high school years were really 
tough on my mom, because | was a 
chronic B student who did absolutely 
nothing. I don't think I did one night of 
homework as a senior, and I still got Bs 
and graduated. I worked out a formu- 
la after being told that my homework 
would be 10 percent of the grade. I de- 
cided I'd get As on all my tests, but I 
didn't feel like doing homework. If 1 got 
As everywhere else, 1 would get а 90. If 1 
got Bs, that’s an 80, and still a B. My 
mother hated that I would let my mind 
go to all that trouble to figure out how to 
geta B. 
PLAYBOY: Did she let up after giving you a 
year and watching you succeed? 
SMITH: We made it big, won the first 
Grammy ever for rap. My parents said 
they wanted me to go back to school af- 
ter a year, but by then we had gone to 
London, recorded an album and signed 
a record deal. My mother still tells me, 
"You going back, baby." Then she says, 
“Oh listen, I just love that new-model 
Mercedes 
PLAYBOY: Does it bother you that you 
don't have a college degree? 
SMITH: Yes. I wouldn't change anything 
about my life, because if you change one 
thing you change everything. But I just 
hate that there is a scholar in me and it 
almost feels like I'm wasting a part of 
myself. I know that making movies and 
music and entertainment is just a pit 
stop on the way to my true greatness. | 
want to be so much beyond what I am 
doing. 
PLAYBOY: What is that? 
SMITH: I want the world to be better be- 
cause I was here. In the past year, I have 
been with probably the two best-known 
figures in the world, Muhammad Ali and 
Nelson Mandela. Just bi 
those guys made me feel like, God, I 
suck. Гат nothing. I mean absolutely 
nothing, and the bad part is (hat I have 
the power and the potential to be ev- 
erything. 1 can make some big changes 
with the number of people who know 
me around the world, who respect how I 
(continued on page 171) 


Here's wishing You 
COMFORT, $ 
& JOY 1 


and all that i а m — 2) 
dr E a 


ӘЗІЛІ!) 
шт 
| 


Know your comfort level. Drink responsibly, Southern Comfort Company Liqueur. 21-50% Alc. By Volume. 


се 


е 3 
=p 


in New Оне. 
ro СА 
ole, 
Ale meh ad 
Anywhere 


MONICA | Ва JOHNE SHARON 
LEWINS е N KE шыр STONE 


pm аш. 2. anas A 


=) mericans love a #00 political ШЕ ге leveled at Thomas Jefferson for 
maintaining a “Со кеп” at Monticello: E ET i out) and the evasions of Gary “The 
2) Dodger” Condit (therejaren t many, inking tat pair), there is a long, unbroken chain of 
sexual couplings festooned With Df rumor, gossip ай lawsuits. So it’s no surprise that 
politicians behave like the B-listaetors Shoulders мит Ше National Enquirer.” It's said that 
Washington is Hollywood for ugly peoples Ме presidents consortine With celebrities, and starry-eyed in- 
terns from California bringing а relaxed 1 dake өп CX още District of Columbia. The only prob- 
lem is that the girls are more naive than Ваше Hardened . And while Russell Crowe knows how to bag 
"ет and cut "ет loose, a low-level сопртевзтатишке Condit di REE U ext continued on page 172) 


THE 
43) |тАтНЕй 


< OF HIS” AP TOL ° fmm 
COUNTRY: т 

u cos Нойон rp hte ad МҮ El | ES 

Я 


'obvious/George was tall, handsome and powerful. 
One lady wrote in her diary of her “womanly admira- WHAT KILLED WARREN С. HARDING? WAS ELLEN ROMETECHA apr? 
tion” of his “noble exterior,” which is the 1776 equiv ft had 7 irl, Ro 

olent of “He mgkes те wet.” Second, the morals of 
his time and class inflicted few penalties on a man 
who took lovers. Third, when he married Martha, she 
wos a plump widow with two difficult children. She 
was also the richest woman in Virginio. (Oh—that!) 
George may have been her trophy husband. 

In addition, history has left us lines to read һе- 
tween. In 1780, for example, Washington and his 
aides "frolicked” with c rich widow, Mrs. Prevost, and Пеи 

“oir refugees” from New York for four doys. Е 
rebel officers ond cute, lonely women—you 
connect the dots. Another likely paramour is Kitty 
Greene, the young, pretty wife of General Nothan- 
ael Gigene. Kitty was the Pamela Des Borres of the WHAT HAPPENED TO GEORGE чави. 
revolution, enjoying flings with Hamilton, Bur, INGTON'S LASCIVIOUS LETTERS? 


ONE LADY WROTE IN HER DIARY OF = A a 
HER “WOMANLY ADMIRATION” OF HIS ne ` аа 
“NOBLE EXTERIOR,” WHICH IS ТНЕ1776 eaten ee M ist's 1980 арр 
EQUIVALENT OF “HE MAKES ME WET.” | wooD'S8800-PAGE DIARY? 


Kosciusiko, Lafayette, Xn Steuben and Mad Anthony 
Woyne. Could she have missed the big man? Nah. 
Another lady in Gearge's orbit is Peggy Shippen. 4 
Shippen remoined behind Americon lines when her ho 
troitorous husband Benedict Arnold fled to the 
British. She is credited by some with artfully convinc- 
ing the Americans of her innocence with a show of Je 
distress. The beautiful Tory girl wos observed at ж ` 
headquorters “proctically naked, shouting thot she 
had а hot iron on her head, ond that no one but Gen- 
eral Woshington could toke it off.” When Woshing- 
ton—first in wor, first in peace, and certainly first in 
hot iron removols—went to her bedroom, slte pulled 
bock the bedclothes, “revealing her charms.” Was 
George chorming in retum? 


Xo o Xx Xx Xx Xx Xx 
GREAT PRESIDENTIAL 


5 


RUTHERFORD B. HAYES 
JAMES GARFIELD 
ULYSSES S. GRANT Ma 
PETER LAWFORD 


WASH 


INSIDER 


AMERICA’S LEADERS SPEAK ABOUT SEX 


HOW TO HANDLE ACCUSATIONS 


Disdain them: “Madam, | may be 
president of the United States, 
but my private life is nobody’s 
damned business.”— Chester 
A. Arthur 


Admit them: “Whatever you do, 
tell the truth." Сгоуег Cleveland 
to his campaign manager after 
he was accused of fathering a 
child out of wedlock 


Deny them: “1 did not have sexu- 
al relations with that woman.” 
—Bill Clinton, regarding his 
friend-in-fellatio Monica Lewinsky 


Parse them: "I haven't done any- 
thing that I regard as unfaithful 
to my wife, the only woman | 
have had coital sex with in the 20 
years we've been married."— 
Senator Chuck Robb 


OUR HOT-BLOODED CHIEF 
EXECUTIVES 


“Well, I've got old Jumbo here and 
need to give him some exercise. | 
wonder who ГИ fuck tonight?” 
Lyndon Johnson. stepping out of 
the shower, to his brother 


"| spent my soul in kisses, 
crushed upon your scarlet 
mouth/Oh! My red-lipped, sun- 
browned sweetheart, dark-eyed 
daughter of the South." — Lines 
from a love poem by 
Herbert Hoover 


“Are you prepared for the storm 
of lovemaking with which you 


BI-PARTISAN? 


JUST CURIOUS? 


996 MIN. (18+) 


1-888-555-2569 


| CALL FOR GOOD TIME | 


will be аззайей?” Woodrow Wil 
son in a leiter to his wife 


“И ва good thing | am not а 
woman—I would always be 
pregnant. | cant say no.” 
— Warren С. Harding 


CONGRESSIONAL 
CONTRIBUTIONS 


“Pm serious. Anyone who wants 
to put a tail on me, go ahead. 
They'd be very bored." —Senator 
Gary Hart 


“You can always teach "em to 
type, but you can't teach ‘em to 
grow tits.”-—Representative 
Charles Wilson of Texas on why 
he hired beautiful women 


as secretaries 


ESCORTS 


$100 PER HOUR 


“PU always love you. 1...1... 
God, feel such super love for you. 
By the way, the newsletter should 
start arriving.” —Then-Represen 

tative Don Riegle of Michigan, 
while having sex with a staffer, who 
was secretly tape-recording him 


“Tve not been a perfect man, and 
l've made my share of 
mistakes.” — Gary Condit 


“1 see Kennedy has changed his 
position on offshore drilling.” 
—Senator Howell Heflin, afte 

seeing a photo in the National En 

quirer of Ted Kennedy on top of a 
woman in a boat 


Extremely important former congress- 
man and author seeks escape from third 
marriage. Looking for nubile assistant to 
test-drive relationship with eye to form- 
ing deeper contract. Box #6065 


CASUAL SEX 


PHONYWEBSITE.COM 


eNICPCRETES. 


ALL THE WAY WITH JFK 


“| get a migraine headache if I 
don't get a strange piece of ass 
every day.”-—JFX 


INTIMATE 
| | CONNECTIONS 


MEN’S 


ROOM 
LIVE! 


“All! will say is that | was Frank’s 
pimp and Frank was Jack's. It 
sounds terrible now but then 
it was a lot of fun.” Peter Law- 
ford, speaking of salad days with 
Sinatra and JFK 


“I want her name and number. We 
may avert war tonight.”-—./FX dur- 
ing the Cuban missile crisis, ask 
ing Defense Secretary Robert Mc- 
Namara for a secretary's number 


“Would you please shop around 
and see who these belong to? 
They're not my size.”—Jackie 
Kennedy to JFK about a pair of 
panties she found in her bed 


WHAT THEIR LOVERS SAY 


“Lyndon looked at me like | was 
an ice-cream cone on a hot day.” 
—Madeleine Brown, who claims 
she had a 20-year affair with John 
son and bore him a son 


“He ate pussy like a champ. I'd 
have to say, ‘Whoa, boy, come on 
up here.’"—Gennifer Flowers 


MEN SEEKING WOMEN 


YOU: Starry-eyed young thing with a 
taste for apples. ME: Biggest fruit lover 
in the Senate. YOU: Into old cats. ME: 
One of the oldest old cats. Let's make 
like Adam and Eve! Box #7125 


NEED YOUR PARTY LINE 
TOWED? 
ALWAYS LIVE 
WAYS HO 


|998 Burton, darling of the Christian 
Coalition, called Clinton а scumbag. In Зер- 
tember the champion of family values is) 
forced to admit that an extramarital ана! 
resulted in an out-of-wedlock child, 


(R-Idaho) 


In a 1998 campaign ad the Christian conser- 
vative harpy calls Or Clinton's resignation, 
saying, “I believe that personal conduct and 
integrity do matter.” Days later, she admits 
to an affair with a married man: “I've asl 
Tor God's forgiveness, and l've received 


(RN) 


While Hyde, head of the House Judiciary 
Committee, planned impeachment hearings 
against Clinton, news broke that he, too, had 
had an extramarital affair. Though 41 at the 
time of the tling, he blows il oft as a "youth- 
ful indiscretion.” 


(В Са.) 


А staunch pro-lifer, Barr called for Clinton's 
impeachment before anyone knew about 
Monica Lewinsky. Subsequently, news 
leaked out that his second wile—who bez 
lieved he was cheating on her with a woman 
who would be wife number three—filed an 
alfidavit that said he paid for an abortion 
she had in 1983. 


(D-Calif.) 
ondil was an early Democratic critic of 
Clinton s obfuscation during the Lewinsky 
scandal. calling it the “drip, drip, drip theo- 
Fy of coming clean. Fast-forward to 2001, 
with a tight-lipped Condit eating his words. 


1.) What is the only condom to 


be named after a U.S. president? 


2.) Historians have three expla- 
nations for George Washington's 
death. Which of the following 
has not been presented? 


3.) What is Gary Condit's nick- 
name among colleagues and 
staffers in Washington? 


4.) James Buchanan, our only 
unmarried president, had a 23- 
year friendship with William 
Rufus King, our only unmarried 
vice president, How did insidars 
refer to King? f 


в.) What is President James 
Garfield’s major distinction? 


(AFOhN gh the exposure of his pri- 
vate life had not a photo emerged 
of the comely Donna Rice sitting 
on Hart's lap while they were 
aboard a yacht. What was the 
name of the yacht? 


8.) How did South Carolina Con- 
&ressman John Jen- 


9.) A not entirely credible wit- 
ness has said that in the Fifties, 
she observed FBI Director J. 
Edgar Hoover playing a gay sex 
game. What was the game? 


10.) Dwight D. Bisenhower fell 
in love with the beautiful driver 
of his staff car, Kay Summersby, 


WWII. How did he refer 
to her when among friends? 


Ша „= 
UNITED STATES G ;OVERNMEN 


CONF MEMORAJDIM 


| o SCANDALS & SCOUNDRELS 


том. JOHN DEAN 


SUBJECT: UNTIL WATERGATE, THE MEDIA BLINKED 
AT 200 YEARS OF CAPITAL SHENANIGANS 


nature of Congressman Gary Con- 


SYNOPSIS: 
ver know the true 


Irs doubtful we will € 
dit’s relationship with Chandra Levy. Maybe it was simply а fling for him that turned 
hen his“ good friend” disappeared, the victim of a ran- 


intoa nightmare wi 
"X dom crime. Or maybe it was something far morc sinister, a fatal attrac- 
| tion in more ways than опе While Levy's situation is a tragedy, Condit 
a Î finds himself a part of the latest Washington sex scandal. 

1 Condit is old enough to remember that the news media once 
| Î ignored or killed information about the sex lives of public officials 
became political scanda This may explain 


\ before these stories 


Ё 
a 1 why he is 50 outraged at the media's pursuit of his sex life. In 
1 \ fact, 1 discovered that from the late 1890s until after Watergate, 
- | in 1974, there was near silence in the Washington press corps 
n andthe national news media about the peccadilloes ofWash- 
\ ington officials. 
е news media went out of 


\ For more than 70 years th 
their way to avoid reporting on 
reported on indiscretions only when they were impossi- 

\ ble to avoid. Thus, when опе of Utah's first two senators, 
Arthur Brown, was fatally shot by his mistress in a Wash- 
et ington hotel room in 1906, the pres: couldn't avoid her tri- 
al for murder. However, the proceedings in the courtroom 

/ were far more lurid than anything in the newspapers. Like- 
President Warren Harding's extra- 

n, much of the 


sexual indiscretions. They 


wise, the press overlooked 
until after his c 
ignored the boo 


death and, even thei 
ok by his mistress Nan Britton, 


marital affai 
mainstream pres 


ence to report private matters left countless 
andals buried. They might never have been 
val resting places had Watergate not 
les. Others wiser than me can decide 
g out details of FDR's af- 
15 re- 


Washington sex 
exhumed from their archi 
triggered a change in the ru 
if our history is truly better off diggin; 
fairs with Lucy Mercer and Missy LeHand, Eleanor Roosevel 
lationships with cigar-smoking lesbians апсу Cook and Lorena 
" Hickok, Ike's impotence with his pretty World War П 


р driver, Kay Summersby, (continued on page I 96) / 


Irish jee] 


E вох 
pato, NYC, Di 
Er p] 


Christmas!” 


Š 
S 
S 
3 
2 
° 


“Hey, it’s beginnin 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY 
GUIDO ARGENTINI 


efore the economic down- 

turn, a guy could go out oftown 
on business, fly comfortably up- 
graded, enjoy meals cooked by 
Daniel Boulud and treat every- 
one at the table to a Knicks game 
and extended nightcaps at 
Scores. It was a time of good fel- 
lowship and promising business 
alliances. When it came time to 
file your expense report, you did 
your best to reconstruct the ex- 
penditures, most of which were 
cash. But the guys in accounting 
weren't worried. Their motto: 

No receipts? No problem. 

Then everything changed. 
Suddenly we were getting memos 
from the boss saying he had to 
sign off on all travel plans and 
that he now required a note de- 
tailing our expected expenses 
and their likelihood of producing 
additional revenue. How can you 
describe a party in those terms? 
Given this dreary business 
landscape, we were delighted 

to find a little hotel where the 

80 business traveler comes first. 


ere we see the sort of amenities still available to the weary downsized business traveler. Towels—as many as 


you need—are handed to you by a member of the Hotel Deluxe housekeeping staff. And she would be hap- 
py to draw your bath and personally make sure that the temperature is to your liking. She will stick around 
to perform an amusing tableau—which doesn’t show up as a now-disallowed cable movie charge. 


¿L 


“<. 7, 
772 
АҚ 


(BER PLAYBOYCOM. 


THERES MORE HOTEL SEX АГ СҮ! 


86 


BEYOND 


VIAGRA 


say hello to gene therapy 
and the promise of easier 
and better erections 


orkicle Ey mickae) porrish 


OR ALL its success in 
thwarting impotence, 
Viagra still has sev- 
eral shortcomings. It 
works for only 50 per- 
cent to 75 percent of 
men, for example, 
and its side effects can 
include headaches, flushes, dyspepsia 
and bluc-tinged vision. Heart patients 
taking drugs such as nitroglycerin are 
warned to avoid it. And then there's 
the strategic planning required. Those 
romantic moments of spontaneous lust 
that make life so grand are hard to 
come by while waiting for the capsule 
to kick in 

Wouldn't it be a lot less trouble to get 
your sex life tuned up every six months 
in a quick visit to your doctor? In terms 
of sex, the basic idea of gene therapy is 
to prime the penis by infusing it with an 
extra dose of genes—like the genes al- 
ready present—that are key to produc- 
ing erections. When a romantic occasion 
arises, so will you. No muss, no fuss 

“It will be bigger than Viagra,” pre- 
dicts Dr. Arnold Melman, professor 
and chair of the urology department at 
Montefiore Medical Center/Albert Ein- 
stein College of Medicine, in New York 


“It should give a more natural physio- 
logic response, a return to what peo- 
ple had before—normal erections and 
intercourse.” 

Gene therapy's crucial advantage, as 
Dr. Melman and other researchers see 
it, is that it works only in the penis. 
Because the penis is in many ways 
physically isolated, it is an especially at- 
tractive organ for gene therapy. “The 
phenomenal thing about the penis is 
that it hangs off the body,” says Dr. Ja- 
cob Rajfer, professor of urology at the 
UCLA School of Medicine and chief 
of urology at Harbor-UCLA Medical 
Center. This means higher concen- 
trations of therapeutic agents can be 
placed there, with the promise of cre 
ating a much morc inspiring erection 
than pills can produce. Dr. Rajfer esti- 
mates that up to 90 percent of sexually 
impaired men could respond to gene 
therapy. 

In contrast, when you take a pill like 
Viagra, you're introducing a drug that 
runs through your entire system. Viag- 
ra works on smooth-muscle tissue, the 
type of muscle that makes a man hard. 
Although it may seem illogical, erec- 
tions are produced when the smooth 
muscle of the penis relaxes. This allows 


ILLUSTRATION BY DAVID PLUNKERT 


PLAYBOY 


88 


extra blood to rush in, where it be- 
comes trapped, keeping the penis rigid 
during intercours 

But smooth muscle is also present in 
the intestinal tract, blood-vessel walls, 
prostate. urethra, bladder. pancreas. 
gallbladder and liver. A drug that cir- 
culates throughout the body can affect 
these sites as well—increasing side ef- 
fects. Yet keeping dosages low enough 
to avoid serious side effects also means 
you may have less performance where 
it counts—in the penis. 

“Any oral drug has that limitation,” 
says Rajfer. “You're exposing all that 
smooth muscle to your drug. You're 
limited in what you can give, because 
when you reach a certain concentra- 
tion of Viagra, you start stimulating the 
vascular system, and ıhat begins to af- 
fect your blood pressure.” 

Gene therapy operates on smooth- 
muscle tissue, but only in the penis. 
The extra genes are released direct- 
ly into the penis muscle, not into the 
circulatory system. So, as with a shot 
of cortisone, the genes don't spread 
throughout the body. They would be 
injected by your doctor, using a tiny, al- 
legedly painless needle. Some research- 
ers foresee using a cream or injection 
combined with a tiny electric charge. 
‘The more absorption there is, the few- 
er genes that would have to be used. 

Gene therapy may also be used in 
combination with Viagra, Melman says, 
to increase the number of men helped 
by both therapies. “Gene therapy could 
prime the penis cells to work better— 
with Viagra or any other drug com- 
ing down the pike,” says Melman. 
would make this organ different from 
the rest of the body, so it would be 
more responsive to lesser amounts 
of the drug.” Using less of any drug 
means fewer side effects, which could 
be a particularly welcome improve- 
ment to taking Viagra by itself. 

But erections are many-splendored 
events. It turns out that different genes, 
affecting different parts of the process, 
can be used to make them happen. 

Melman and Dr. George Christ, the 
researcher who runs the Einstein lab, 
are by several measures closest to 
an approved gene-therapy treatment 
They've already shown that their genes 
work on laboratory rats—with an effect 
lasting several months—and hope to 
start human clinical trials as early as 
next year. By spring, they could know 
whether their technique works in men. 
Food and Drug Administration ap- 
proval could come a couple of years af- 
ter that. 

Melman and Dr. Christ picked genes 
that affect what Melman calls the “final 
common pathway” leading to an erec- 
tion. Their genes work on tiny struc- 
tures of the cell called ion channels, 


which are vital mechanisms that allow 
the smooth muscle to relax, so the pe- 
nis can engorge with blood and stiffen. 

Their method introduces the extra 
genes by attaching them to what re- 
searchers call naked DNA—simple mol- 
ecules of the chemical string that car- 
ry genetic information in the nuclei of 
cells. “One of the beauties of using this 
naked DNA," says Melman, “is that it's 
very safe." Naked DNA doesn't spread 
effectively from cell to cell. But the pe- 
nis has a special network of minute 
pores, says Melman, that will send the 
message throughout the penis that it's 
time 10 get up. “The whole penis will 
become erect at once when the right 
signal is released,” he says. 

Melman predicts the same basic tech- 
nique could be applied to diseases as- 
sociated with other smooth-muscle tis- 
sue in the body. He and Christ have 
already studied their gene-therapy 
method as a way to treat dysfunction of 
the bladder, Other smooth-muscle 
eases that could be candidates include 
hypertension, asthma and irritable- 
bowel syndrome. “A lot of diseases that 
people have now come from contrac- 
tion of smooth muscle,” says Melman. 
And a lot of this smooth-muscle trouble 
develops as we age. 

“This is going to be like the fountain 
of youth,” says Melman. “I really be- 
lieve that.” 

As to impotence, other researchers 
are experimenting with genes that di 
rectly increase the amount of nitric 
oxide—the main chemical compound 
that triggers erections—in the penis. 
Rajfer and his colleague Dr. Nestor 
Gonzalez-Cadavid, director of the urol- 
ogy lab at Harbor-UCLA Research and 
Education Institute, use a different 
gene attached to a different delivery 
agent—a so-called “gutless” version of 
a common virus, a relative of those that 
cause the common cold. “Our feeling 
is that God made the penis to work 
through this gene pathway, so that's 
where the action is," says Rajfer. 

Viruses are popular gene-delivery 
vehicles because they are good at in- 
vading cells. This version is considered 
gutless because it doesn't excite the 
body's immune system—causing in- 
flammation, among other difliculties— 
as much as a full-strength virus would 
do. The UCLA team believes the prob- 
lems of immune-system reaction can 
be solved, and that, if all the pieces 
fall into place, they are three to five 
years from beginning clinical trials on 
humans. 

“If you find an effective way to deliv- 
er high concentrations of a product 
with no dissemination outside the pe- 
nis—if you find something that's safe, 
effective and long-lasting," says Rajfer, 
“you've got it.” 


Researchers at both Tulane Universi- 
ty and Johns Hopkins Hospital have 
selected their own genes to increase 
c oxide in the penis. Dr. Wayne 


Hellstrom, professor of urology and 
ks they could 


andrology at Tulane, 
be more than a decade aw; 
mercial availability. His colleague, re- 
search fellow Dr. Trinity Bivalacqua, 
believes that wait could be cut to as 
little as five years, Hunter Champion, 
a cardiology fellow at Johns Hopkins, 
foresees the day when a man will get 
his gene tune-up with an ordinary in- 
jection in the arm, with the genes 
“tagged” to work their way through the 
circulatory system, ending up in the 
penis. 

Researchers still face hurdles. In 
1999, 18-year-old Jesse Gelsinger died 
while in human trials of a gene-therapy 
treatment for a genetic liver disorder. 
Although viral gene therapy wasn't 
shown to be dangerous per se, the 
controversy has left doubt. Tom Lue, 
urology professor at the University of 
California San Francisco School of 
Medicine, is conducting parallel animal 
experiments. One uses gene therapy, 
as the other researchers are doing. But 
Lue is also working with another idea 
that uses various proteins (produced 
by the genes) that have already been 
extensively tested and, in some cases, 
approved by the FDA for use in other 
treatments. “We think the gene pro- 
teins may be easier for the public to ac- 
cept.” says Lue. “because it's already 
there. People may feel that it’s safer.” 
They might also be casier for the FDA 
to approve, cutting off as much as five 
to 10 years in bringing a therapy to 
market, says Lue. 

“If you look at the treatment options 
tight now,” says Lue, “they are sympto- 
matic. You take Viagra. It works for a 
few hours. You have to take it again. 
Gene therapy offers another approach. 
It may actually be a cure.” 

‘The related problem is money for 
research. Scientists say Viagra's intro- 
duction has lessened interest at the Na- 
tional Institutes of Health to fund fur- 
ther impotence research. And no one 
doubts that big pharmaceutical hous- 
es will swoop in if gene therapy can be 
made practical. But none has been in- 
terested in funding experiments at this 
stage. They see bigger, faster financial 
returns from Viagra and the next gen- 
eration of oral treatments. “Funding is 
extremely tight,” says Dr. Gonzalez 
Cadavid. “The NIH may not be as in- 
terested now that some think Viagra 
has solved the problem. And the drug 
companies have no interest in support- 
ing research that could ultimately rival 


their pills 


“It’s Christmas Eve, Guv’nor—surely you can spare a little 
somethin’ for the needy!” 


89 


PLAYBOY’S 


IF Же 4 га т 


ight: Our holiday raundup of liquors includes (left to 

right): Chäteau de Ligneres, a cognac made from 

grapes grown on the same estate where it is distilled 

and aged (about $50); a commemorative jug of Evan 

Williams bourban (about $20); Bacardi O orange-fla- 
vared rum (about $14); 94-proof Broker's, an English 
“gin for gentlemen” (about $20); the Balvenie 25-year- 
old single-cask scatch (about $180 in a signed and dat- 
ed battle); Whaler's Rare Reserve dark rum (about $12); 
and Vincent Van Gogh Wild Appel vodka, a tart new 
Dutch liquor with the essence af apples (abaut $30). Be- 
law: Kenwood's DV-5900M, a 400-disc DVD (audio and 
video) player, can linked with two additional units 
($1800). Next to it is the Die Hard Ultimate Collectian 
DVD boxed set, which includes two-disc special editians 
of all three films ($80); Ultimate Jordan, a two-disc set 
that features classic game footage and interviews ($25); 
and Monty Python and the Holy Grail Special Edition, 
with “subtitles for people who don't like the film” ($25). 


Progressive Scan 


KAS E LN 


IT 


op left: TAG Heuer's Kiri- 
um Formula 1 chrono- 
graph disploys the time in 
both digital and analog 
modes ($1650 with a rub- 
ber strop). Above: Surf’s Up, 
a price guide to stuff from the 
longboard era ($59.95); Elvis 
Presley Memorabilia, "an un- 
outhorized collector’s guide” 
($29.95); and Theater Made 
Military Knives of World War 
11 ($59.95)—all from Schiffer 
Publishing. Right: Crystal 
martini gloss ($90 for two), 
silver-plated cocktoil shaker 
($360), and a silver-ploted 
toothpick holder ($125)—all 
from Christofle. Below right: 
The Motorola Accompli 009 
combines a mobile phone 
with o PDA, so you don’t have 
to carry both. It can send and 
receive e-mail wirelessly 
($550). Below: Nickel-plated 
E-Micro Mag 2000 paintboll 
gun with a 13“ barrel can fire 
up to 26 balls per second 
(about $1400). Left: XM Radio 
subscribers will be able to lis- 
ten to 100 channels of digital- 
quality programming with 
Sony’s DRN-XMO1 satellite 
radio receiver (about $300). 


op left: These funky cotton-and-rayon ties by House of Stoke 
are made from the remnants of Hawaiian shirts (about $25 
each). Above: Limn's City bike, built by Bruce Gordon, in- 
corporates a lightweight frame and rear-position gears with 
such features as a bell, package rack, lights and fenders 
($5400). Left: At roughly 3"x1" and 5.6 ounces, Kyocera's 
Finecam S3 is the world’s smallest 3.3-megapixel digital cam- 


era. It features four flash modes, a 4x zoom and a stainless 
steel body. Digital images (in color ar black and white) and 15- 
second movies are saved to a 16MB memory card that attach- 
es to a PC via the included USB reader ($600). Below left: Bang 
& Olufsen’s Avant 4 is a 52" flat-screen monitor capable of 
displaying HDTV broadcasts. It’s available in three colors 
{$8500 with a motorized stand). Below: Mulholland Brothers” 
Carry-On Trolley with wheels and a retractable handle 
($1000) and its Safari Bag ($B15, including a carrying strap) 
are both made of rich Lariat leather originally created for the 
Pony Express. The ebony walking stick with a sterling silver 
tiger handle ($595) is also by Mulholland Brothers. 


bove: Counterfeit Cubans look like the real McCoy, but 
they're actually hand-rolled cigars, aged five months, from 
Nicaragua ($99 for a box af 50 Belicoso tarpedoes. Other 
sizes are available). Above right: Capressa’s Espresso Pro 
pump espresso machine is lined with stainless steel. The 
result? Richer coffee. It can also deliver hot milk in seconds 
he aluminum steering mechanism of 
jeboard was derived from the original 
BMW 5 Series chassis. The hard rubber covers of the aluminum 
wheels and the waod and fiberglass construction af the deck 
(the same process used in snawbaards) ensure a smoath ride 
($500). Below right: The Balinese-made sterling silver maney 
clip and credit card holder (5295), cuff links (5180) and flas! 
(5475) are all from the John Hardy Collection. William Henry's 
T10 packetknife features o sterling silver handle, a hand- 
forged stainless Damascus blade, an inlaid sapphire thumb 
peg and a three-piece titanium frame ($595 in a limited edi- 
tian af 100). Below: Teac's Fifties-style SL-D80R sterea radio 
and CD player is pictured here in 1957 Chevy red ($150). 


WHERE AND HOW TO BUY ON PAGE 174. 


arookie hit man 
gets on-the-job 


training 


оп? put that on!” 
the gray man 
driving the 
generic-looking 


gray sedan said іо the much 
younger man in the pas- 
senger seat. 

"The boss said——" 

"What the boss said was, 

I'm in charge." 

"Yeah, bu" 

"The cops see a guy driving 
around this hour of the night, 
wearing a ski mask in the 
middle of June, they make 
up some excuse—busted tail- 
light, smeared license 
plate—and they pull us over." 
"They got to have probable 
cause——" 

“Where'd you hear that, 

from one of the big-time 
gangsters last time you were 
in the county tank? The cops 
tell the judge how they found 
us both wearing rubber 
gloves, with a couple of 


PLAYBOY 


unregistered pieces under the seat, and 
the judge, he's going to, what? Toss out 
the case?” 

“That's why the boss has lawyers, 
man. He said no matter what hap- 
pened, he could always” 

"You know what we're supposed to 
do tonight, right?” 

"Yeah. We're going take out thai 

“That's the job, understand? That's 
what we have to get done. That's what 
a job is, something you have to get 
done. You think we could go ahead and 
get it done after we got stopped by the 
law? Gun-felony bust, this town, even if 
some bought-and-paid-for judge even- 
tually kicked us loose, they'd hold us 
for 24 hours minimum, just waiting on 
arraignment. We've got a schedule— 
we have to stick to it.” 


“Never get impatient. That's always 
amistake. We put the masks on just be- 
fore we go in. That way, anybody spots 
us back of the joint, they make us for 
two drunks, maybe trying to wait on 
the girls when they come out.” 

“I don't see why we got to do it right 
where he——" 

“This is a job, all right? It's work. 
And part of every job is doing it the 
way the client wants it done. Where he 
wants it done, when he wants it done 
and how he wants it done, understand?” 

“The boss- ^ 

“The boss is the client.” 

“Yeah, yeah. I got it. But why does 
he want it done like thi 

“You ask a lot of questions.” 

“Hey, I'm just trying to learn, OK? 
You're supposed to be the big pro, 
right? The boss said I got to do this one 
with you, I'm doing it, ain't 1? I mean, 
I could do it myself, bu” 

“But you never have.” 

“Everybody's a virgin once. Even 
you. When was your first one, about 
100 years ago?” 

“More questions?” 

“1 didn’t mean nothing by it.” 

“Sure.” 

“Look, after tonight, you won't have 
to put up with me, OK? The boss said, 
1 do this one with you, 1 pass the test, 
I'm blooded in. After that, I can do jobs 
on my own. Just like you.” 

“That's between you and the boss." 

The gray car rolled past a one-story 
building set in the middle of an unlit 
parking lot. The building had no win- 
dows; its slab-sided monotony was bro- 
ken only by the glowing red outline of 
an impossibly proportioned nude wom- 
an and various other promises, wrapped 
around three sides of the building in 
streams of neon: 

ххх TOTALLY NUDE XXX GIRL-GIRL 
SHOWS XXX PRIVATE ROOMS XXX 

The gray man checked his watch and 
said, “Four-fifteen is the time we move. 


We've got a seven-, eight-minute mar- 
gin. We'll pull into the back, sit there 
for a minute, make sure it’s clear.” 

“What's the big deal, a few minutes 
either мау?" 

The gray man made a sound of dis- 
gust. He slowly wheeled the gray sedan 
around the back of the strip joint, posi- 
tioning it at an angle so he could watch 
both the back door of the building and 
the streets that ran along either side of 
the lot. 

"Yeah, well, I guess you ain't perfect, 
pal," the younger man said. “I heard 
you did a real long stretch a while back." 

“Is that right? What else did you 
hear about that?" 

^] heard you did almost 20 years. 
For a contract hit.” 

“и was 17 and change. And it was 
for a homicide—nobody ever proved it 
was paid for. In fact, I'm still on parole 
from that one. It was a life sentence. 
But it looks like you didn't hear any- 
thing you could use." 

“What're you talking about, man? 
I'm not planning on doing no 17 years." 

“Nobody plans on doing time. It's 
how you do it that's the test.” 

"Whar's that supposed to mean?" 

“I went down by myself. You follow- 
ing me?" 

"Sure. You didn’t rat nobody out." 

“Which is why I’m still working for 
the same people, see? Like I said, that 
was a test. And I passed it.” 

You did all that time, and you're 
doing this?” 

"If I was a plumber and I did 17 
years inside, what would 1 do when 1 
got out, be an architect?" 

“The boss should've taken care of 
you. I mean, 17 years. .. ." 

“1 was the one who got caught, not 
the boss. So I was the one who had to 
do the time. That's the way it works.” 

“But he did take care of you while 
you were— 

“Everyone makes their own arrange- 
ment. I made mine, and I stuck to it.” 

“Big deal. 1—” 

“Put that away! No smoking on the 


job.” 


“Why not? We ain't playing with gas- 
oline here.” 

“We're not playing at all. They can 
get DNA from saliva.” 

“Fine! Jesus, look, how come it's got- 
ta be exactly 4:157" 

“Because that's when he'll be in the 
back office." 

“The bouncers——" 

“They'll all be out front. He likes to 
bring a couple of girls back there with 
him when the last shi almost over, 
and he doesn't like to be interrupted." 

“The back door- = 

“ICI be open.” 

“How can you be so sure?” 

“Sometimes a man’s on more than 


one payroll.” 

“You mean one of the bouncers?” 

“It’s time,” the gray man said. 

He opened the door. The interior 
light did not come on. The gray man 
stepped ош and slipped the ski mask 
over his head. He motioned for the 
younger man to do the same. 

The gray man reached under the 
front seat and extracted a blued steel 
automatic. By the time the younger 
man joined him, holding an automatic 
of his own, the gray man was screwing 
a long tube onto the front of his weap- 
on. Again, the younger man copied 
each move. 

‘They walked to the back door of the 
club. No lights shone on the back side 
of the building. The gray man held his 
weapon straight down, dangling by his 
side, and used his free hand to turn the 
doorknob. Slowly. It yielded. 

He stepped inside, the younger man 
close behind. 

То their left, a sign said DRESSING 
ROOMS. The gray man turned right, 
walked a short length of hall, then 
turned right again, heading for the far 
corner of the building. He motioned 
for the younger man to stay back a few 
steps. The only sound was the music 
coming from the front of the strip club. 

“The gray man stepped through the 
door of the dimly lit office. A pudgy 
man with a red face was sprawled in 
an office chair. He was fully dressed, 
but the pants of his suit were puddled 
around his ankles. A skinny brunette 
with improbable breasts knelt in front 
of him; a heftier blonde with a more 
believable chest stood slightly to one 
side, as if waiting her turn. 

“Anybody screams, everybody dies,” 
the gray man вай 

“You,” he said, pointing to the kneel- 
ing brunette with his pistol, “get up. Go 
over and stand with the other one.” 

The brunette got up without a word. 
The gray man nodded. The younger 
man walked over to the two women, 
stuck his pistol in his waistband and 
handcuffed the women together. 

“Turn around and face the wall,” the 
gray man told them. 

They did it, moving in sync as if ac- 
customed to being yoked together. 

"Where's the rest of it?” the gray 
man asked the man in the office chair, 
indicating half a dozen lines of cocaine 
on a mirror on top of the desk. 

"In the safe," the man in the office 
chair said, his voice resigned. 


the red-faced man said, 
scrambling to pull up his pants as he 
rose. "Whatever you. ^ 
"Open the safe," the gray man said. 
As soon as the red-faced man started 
to turn the safe's dial. the gray man 
(concluded on page 191) 


А 


of storage and add 


"d take the tree out 
more ornaments!” 


ristmas he 
a few 


ly, every Ch 


rent 


Appa 


97 


Go with the floe. 

Leit to right: Fjolnir 
wears jacket and 
leather ponts by Ron 
Chereskin, Columbia 
Sportswear hoodie 
and Urbanium glasses. 
Eythor wears bomber 
by Boss Hugo Boss, 
Joseph Abboud tur- 
Непеск and pants by 
Valentini (from Berg- 
dorf Goodman). Alli 
wears Trend Corneli- 
ani turtleneck and 
vest and pants by 

Ron Chereskin. 


At left, Fjolnir is in jack- 
et by Eider (available 
at Paragon Sporting 
Goods), sweater by 
Benetton and goggles 
by Urbanium. On snow- 
shoes in the back- 
ground, Alli wears jacket 
by Killy (from Scandi- 
navian Ski and Sport 
Shop), pants by Spyder 
and shoes by Salomon. 
Above, Oddgeir wears 
jacket by Weatherproof 
and goggles by Orley. 


Far left: Alli is in jacket, 
pants and scarf by Boss 
Hugo Boss, cable knit 
turtleneck by Ron Chere- 
skin, hat by Benetton and 
shoes by Salomon. Behind 
the dais, Kjartan wears 
jacket and gloves by Ecko 
Function, cashmere pants 
by Valentini und shoes by 
Columbia Sportswear. Sec- 
ond from right, Fjolnir 
wears leather vest by Loro 
Piana, cashmere turtleneck 
by Brioni, pants by Valen- 
tini (all available at Berg- 
dorf Goodman), hat and 
gloves by Columbia Sports- 
wear and shoes by CAT. Far 
right, Oddgeir wears jack- 
et by Moncler, pants by 
Weber, shoes by CAT and 
hat by Eggert. 


PRODUCED BY JOE DOLCE 
PHOTOGRAPHY BY ALDO ROSSI 


Our couple relaxes on some 
lava rock. Alli, who is no 
doubt hoping to find a core 
of hot magma, is wearing 
hooded parka by Bill Blass 
and denim jacket and jeans 
by SBU (available at Berg- 
dorf Goodman). Kloe wears 
satin dress by A.B.S. and 
jewelry by Charles and 
Colvard Created Moissanite. 
Her jacket, of winter-white 
fake fur, is by Phat Farm. 


Kloe supervises the pitching 
of tents in dress by Thierry 
“Mugler, shoes by Stuart 
Weitzman and glasses by 
Christian Dior. Squatting, 
Oddgeir wears jacket, 
pants and T-shirt by Spyder. 
Standing, Fjolnir is in jack- 
et and vest by Killy (avail- 
able at Scandinavian Ski 
and Sport Shop), sweater 


and wool trousers by 


Thierry Mugler. 3 
Чет Морав 


Here, one of Iceland's fa- 
mous fairies turns up in a 
dress by Manolo Couture 
and boots by Giuseppe Za- 
пөні, Mr. Lucky is in jacket by 
Columbia Sportswear ond 
waders by Daiwa. When it 
comes to this kind of fly- 
fishing, your rod technique 
con make all the difference. 


WHEREAND НОМ TD BUY ON PAGE 114 


x - 7% = 


| We're On TV 


Playboy Puts an Adult Spin 
on the Reality TV Show 


b Baby, Stop! 


y 


` 
- 


SO 


“Don't worry, my dear. It's not really true that Santa comes only once a year.” 


105 


ха! [just had the most amazing experience —my first orgy. I should say up front that I’m a young 
woman with an open mind. For a while I swore off men and tried dating women exclusively. Then, after some awkward 
girlfriend problems, I scrapped that approach. I was in between lovers when a friend of mine—a guy Га date casually— 
told me he had received an invitation to a sex club via the Internet. To keep out sexual predators (single guys), only cou- 
ples and single women were admitted. Would I go with him and have a look? Of course. I didn’t even have to think about 
whether ГА participate in anything, because I knew it would be a bunch of fat, old people who would never interest me. 
Still, I was up for a lark. 

The club was kind of off the beaten track for EA. It was in Pasadena, about 20 minutes from most of the fun and 
raunchy Hollywood clubs. On regular nights the place was a large, upscale club. However, the promoter who had rented 
it out for the night had renamed it Club Lust. “Oooh, how exciting,” 1 snickered to myself. 

We walked in and it appeared just as I thought it would—a normal club. There was a huge dance floor and two stages 
with poles. It was all fairly sedate except for some gorgeous, topless girls who were pole dancing. Couples were sitting 
and dri gat booths that lined the back and sides, The place was big and had the feel of an underground Seventies dis- 
со (not that Гуе ever been to one, but I've heard stories). It all looked tame to me, but it was early and I was willing to be 
patient. My date and I took a walk back to the VIP room. We figured it was the most likely spot for action, and there was 
actually a couple having sex in it. Things were starting to look promising. We danced fora while, my eyes wandering con- 
stantly for signs of sex acts. The club was filling up with some of the hottest people I had ever seen. Many of them меге 
well-known porn stars dressed in glitter and gold. The place was obviously where the sex industry goes for fun. An hour 
later, about midnight, there were at least 10 girls on the stage and six dancing on the bar. By now they were completely 
nude, and they were touching and kissing one another, In the other direction, I noticed guys getting blow jobs in the 
main-room booths. My date and I were like kids. We ran from one end of the room to the other to check out the sights and 


a letter from 
swinging LA, courtesy 


of a girl who 


оу 10 lives the life 
Pasadena 


sounds. One girl had shaved her pussy into polka dots and dyed it green. 

Then came the shocker. [ heard a “What the hell are you doing here?" come at me from behind. I turned around to 
see my ex-girlfriend. Party temporarily over. For such an animal in bed—she was a petite, 21-year-old wild woman—she 
appeared panic-stricken and lost. The good news was that she apparently wasn't mad at me anymore, because she was fol- 
lowing me all over the place. (I had jokingly called her a dirty whore, but English is a second language for her so she 
didn’t get it.) The whole time she was at the club she didn't even take off her coat. Closet case, I guess. 

By one Am. the party was in full swing. Couples and threesomes were going at it in the VIP room’s little red vinyl 
booths, I jumped up onstage and stroked this beautiful blonde’s ass. I couldn't help it. She was wearing a dress up to her 
navel and no panties, and she was swinging on one of the many poles. Women were now lying flat on their backs onstage, 
while men crouched in front of them performing oral sex. A few times I saw а row of people going down on each other, 
five or six deep. I was struck by the strange realization that men with shaved asses and balls look like women from the 
backside—there was just skin and sweat everywhere. The back room was my favorite—dark and steamy, a red glow com- 
ing from a single light in the corner. By 1:30 everyone had piled to the back in groups of two, three, four or five. But, from 
my perspective, everyone looked united. It was an extremely accessible orgy. All | could hear was panting and coopera- 
tive moans. The sound itself was such a turn-on. The tiny Spanish girl I had been eyeing the whole night had already 
teamed up with a married couple in cowboy hats, so my date and I decided to just attack each other, We grabbed a booth 
and went at it. We positioned ourselves to maintain the best sight lines, and so that I could reach over the back of the 
booth and kiss a hot girl covered in pink sequins. It was incredible. Just hot urgent sex. The club closed at two but the 
bouncers were nice enough to let anyone who wanted to finish up stay until three. Club Lust—what a great idea. It's so 
much more fun than a hotel room, don't you think? 


Angelina Jolie 

(To the lune of “God Rest Ye Merry, Gentlemen") 
God spare me sweet and gentle men; 

They make such lousy lays. 

1 crave those weird, near-mental men 

Who don’t run down lor days. 

That's why | married Billy Bob: 

He fucks till my eyes glaze, 


Call me wanton, but that's why | enjoy 
What | enjoy, 

‘And when he puts on that Santa 

‘Suit, oh boy. 


America’s anti-sweetheart | 

‘Am lewd, tattooed and crude. 

That's why they made me Lara Croft 

We both reek attitude. 

‘And “Tomb” grossed big, so those d you 
That I offend —get screwed. 


Otherwise, may your Christmas Eve be bright, 
Merry and bright. 
As for us: think B&D with Christmas lights. 


Dick Cheney = 
(To the tune of "U Holy Might") 

О holy eripes! 

It's my defbrilator 

Hey, just a joke. 


Had you spooked, though. se. p, \ 


Cause that would leave 
The country run by Dubya, 
And face it, bub, ya 

Don't want that, trust me. 


(Chorus) 

If you're smart, you'll wish Ни my good health 
A heart attack means President Айайе 
Running the show 

Without my cunning wisdom. 

So pray... yes pray. 

That l'm still here 


Next Christmas Day. 


108 


CHRISTMAS CAROLS 


Mel Brooks % 
(To the tune of “Rudolph, the Red-Hesed Reindeer”) 
Adolf, the Nazi madman, 

Made a million bucks for me. 

{raked in dough and Tonys: 

"Sieg heil“ that, you SOB! 


Since “The Producers” worked once, 
1 hoped that it might work twice. 
Gold mine! So now get ready 

For “Young Frankenstein on lee!” 


(Chorus) 
Broadway always snubbed me as 
Lowbrow slapstick, but 

A hundred bucks a seat s high-class, 
Shove that up Neil Simon's ass. 


Vd wish you Merıy Christmas, 
But since l'm a full-time Jew 
With attitude, this Happy 
Hanukkah will have to do. 


Jennifer Lopez 
(To the tune of “Ü Come All Ye Faithlul”) 
Some gals be faithful. 

To their man whatever. 

No thanks: l'd rather 

Not destroy my career. 

Look, I'm not fickle, | wes in a pickle 
The media grew vile, 

Bad press just cramped my style. 
When Puffy went on trial, 

Thad to get clear. 


We were united 

Till he got indicted: 
Mot good PR for 

My new film and (0 
My trip is “showgirl,” not “rich gengsta's ho." girl 
With fame, pitialls get bigger, $ 
‘And backlash quick to tigger, 

Like that time | sang the N word — 
The hood fell en me. 


It's been a tough year. 

ve aot had enough cheer! 
Let's get together 

For some holiday fun. 

We'll do the town; ГП wear my see-through gown, as 
We hit the flyest spots, dear! 

Do 20 J. Lo shots, dear! 

(Unless things get too hot, deat, 

‘And then—puff!—t'm gone.) 


Tiger Woods 
(To the tune of “Do You Hear What 1 Hear?"] 
Do you hear what | hear? 
Muted snickers when | hit the пай. 
Do you fear what I fear? 


That I'm merely mortal alter all. Е 
Td won the Slan, 
J B h Four big ones straight, then wham: 
enna Bus I just lost it. and can't pel it back 
(To the tune ol "Silent High") Dne day godlike, Ihe nex. in the pack. 
Silent night. horing night, 
Can't go cruise, dad's uptight. Do you see what | see? 


He, at my age raised hell and had fun, | Plate poping up less over time. 
Hou that he pre hel ебе a nun, Тегана realy sas ne: 
Kids my age get their Kicks; ы But hey, good cheer— + 
1 can't, though — “бай politics: ee 

Е ‘And to make mine merry, ol course, 
Jailhouse scenes, press so mean; А 
Thanks, dear ad lor that boozer gene. | Ке en buying sll | endorse 
My revenge dream: their shock and dismay 
When | announce I'm the Playmate for May. 
Till then, much yuletide cheer. 
(Someone please sneak me a heer!) 


Tony Soprano 

(то the tune of "It Came Upon the Midnight Clear”) 
They came upon the midnight clear — 

‘An FBI strike force, en masse! 

Our Christmas tree had been bugged! Fuck me! 
When | find out who rolled. ¡Us his ass! 


(Chorus) 

But wait, it's just a bad dream, no bust. 
These nightmares occur frequently. 

My nerves are lucked, | get freaked by ducks 
‘And I'm scared of my own family. 


Tm on the brink, so] see a shrink 

Who may he as crazy as |. 

When filled with stress. | can make it less 
By going and shooting some guy. 


(Chorus) # 
I'm not the only guy brought to grief 
Because of a Big Pussy; still 

1 must be nuts: | have nagging thoughts 
That me and my life just aren't real. 


Julia Roberts Robert Downey Jr. 


Uo the tune ol “Here Comes Santa Claus”) {othe tune 0 “Frosty the Snowman") 
'Rohhie, the snowman, 
Who needs Santa Claus? That's my rep in Hollywood. 


Hey. not me, hecause Я п А 

5 Cause 111 do a line most any time, 
{а ш gol. And in any neighhorhood. 
Need Mr. Right, Hell | saved "My." 


For me, though, that gets old. 


liam, Clan. Kiele—all Got а Golden Globe, that's class! 


So whate er | snort, don’t knock it. sport; 


Нат. а en md Give some to the “Spin City” cast. 
Не boosts my bottom line. ПОРТЕ 
Won’ Jail's no sweat: though filled with hrutes 
iin ad sore Savage and perverse, they eno! much worse 
hr for m тома Than your average network suits. 
55 gets big, іш 
'ep relapsing, 

таат paie In my hapless, random way. 

drsa So don't be surprised if you find me, high, 
Гуе got no soul mate at Christmas [! eî ta Dimas la 
Ви Far rom bleak. шаа. 
Hard to feel deprived when ГҮР 


Anew guy every week. ILLUSTRATIONS BY STEVE BROONER 


BEBE 


playmate, rock muse, 
mother and author—the 
wild child returns 


y the time Bebe Buell became Miss Novem- 
ber 1974, she was already a patron of the arts. That's 
another way of describing what director Cameron 
Crowe calls a “band aid” in his movie Almost Famous. 
Crowe, who documents his own life in the movie, 
writes a valentine to Miss Penny Lane, whom he ad- 
mits is based on Bebe. She loved Todd Rundgren, 
Steven Tyler, Elvis Costello and Stiv Bators. She liked 
Mick Jagger, Jack Nicholson, Jimmy Page and War- 

ren Beatty. And they all re- 


ciprocated, to one degree or 
Я another. In Rebel Heart, the 

ji book that she wrote with Victor 
Bockris, Bebe is surprisingly 


candid and still a little dewy 
eyed Zand why not? She's kept 


te 


An American 
Rock 7 Roll Jowoey 


The world according to Bebe 
(clockwise from above): Bebe 
7 with Todd Rundgren and baby 
.. Liv when the adults were pre- 
tending that Liv was Todd's 
child (the deception lasted 
until Liv was 10 years old). 
With Aerosmith front man Ste- 
ven Tyler and their daughter, 
actress Liv. Playmate Bebe in 
her November 1974 pictori- 
1. Performing with her band 
in New York in 2001. Her 
Centerfold. Wearing her cool 
Todd T-shirt in 


STILL 
ROCKS 


her wits, her looks, her heart and most of the 
men (maybe not Elvis). Her daughter is a drop- 
dead gorgeous actress. These days, Bebe is in 
front of a band, not backstage. She has said, “I 
thought the way you met people was to be a fab- 
ulous model, a genius aristocrat or a movie 
star.” It turns out none of that was necessary. 
Bebe soon learned just what Hef knows: Every- 
one wants to be with the girl next door. Next, 
she plans a book on rock etiquette. If you 
watched Kate Hudson play her in the movie, 
you know that there’s a certain strategy to the 
rock-and-roll life. The men Bebe loved—and 
liked—are middle-aged now, but there’s some- 
thing still innocent about her. And that’s just 
the way we like it. 


SEE BEBES ORIGINAL PLAYMATE PHOTOS 
АТ CYBER РІ АҮВОҮСОМ. 


112 


= 
[m 


|| | drinkin’ with the fools 
В) When I look down the bar 

and there on a stool 

She Looks good, she Looks tough, 
now she Looks my way, 

Hey, gimme the ball and watch me 
rin my plays. 

I say, “Hey, sweet mama, | been 
Scoutin yon, 

I like your style and I like your 
moves.” 

faut the bitch looks away like [m 
not even alive, 

First and 1O on my 25, 


В: football Sunday and Tm 


So try а pass—she don't blink 
at all. 

Second and 10--ГИ run the 
damn ball. 

So | try a little sneak round her 
tight end, 

She throws me for a loss, way 
back to my10. 

Third and 25— 1 put my hand on 
her knee, 

But she is playin’ Big I2— and 
I'm back to my three. 

She Looks tough, plays rough, 
holdin’ strong, 

I gotta go for it—fourth and Long. 


Note I'm moving up the field. 
There's the goal I'm headin’ for, 
I got moves that the girls adore, 
Like they never seen before. 

[m slidin and slippin‘, 

IJodgir and dippir, 

And the crowd begins to тоат, 
“Нез gonna score!” 

I'm gonna score! 


I go to the pocket ‘cause this play 
don't miss, 

I say, “Негев my bankroll, how'd 
you Like to tackle this?” 

She says, “Well now, you might 


Just be my type” 

Hey, first and ТО at the midfield 
stripe, 

She says, “You know, champagne 
always gets to me.” 

Whoo—first and rollin’ on 
her 33, 

I say, “Let's go to my place,” she 
says, “All right” 

Um eating up yardage and the 
goals in sight, 

She whispers, “Tell me your life 
story.” 

I'm drivin’ deep into her territory. 

We're on the couch, the lights 
are low, 

Fourth and inches to go. 


Yeah, | am movin’ upfield, 
There's a goal I'm headin’ for. 

I got moves that the girls adore, 
Like they never seen before, 

Tm slidin and slippir‘, 

Dodgin' and dippin’, 

‚And the crowd begins to roar, 
“Нез gonna score!” 

I'm gonna score! 


Um on the attack, pushin’ her 
back, 

Um sure she's gonna go for the 
sack. 

Now I see an opening, Um divin’ 
for the goal, when 

She blows the whistle and calls me 
for holdin. 

She says, “Time out, buster, that 
macho jive 

Is unnecessary roughness and 
you're penalized. 

Шеда use of hands and piling on 

And your chance to score is 
damn well gone.” 


Um back to her 20, back to 
her 4.0. 

All the way back out of her 
territory. 

Fourth and ВО and 1 gotta punt! 

But thats the Last game | played 
withthat... 

Callous, castrating creature. 


ILLUSTRATIONS BY ARNOLD ROTH 


miss december knows you can't take life Iyng down 


NOTHER WOMAN'S beauty pageant victory prompted Shanna Moakler to pack her bags Shanna Moakler assumed the 
and head west. “I was first runne -up for Miss USA and I remember watching the _ title of Miss USA 1995 (right) 
girl who beat me win Miss Universe on 1 he says. "My phone started ringing. 1 after her predecessor won the 
inherited her crown and had to move to Los Angeles.” The 26-year-old Rhode Is- Miss Universe pageant. She 
land native, who started modeling at the a ‘ot her acting break with the role played officer Monico Har- 

of a conniving сор on the TV series Pacific Blue. * е Heather Locklear on Melrose рег for two years on TV's Po- 

Place—the naughty one," s . “1 got to do things I wouldn't normally do in everyday life.” cific Blue (center). After c very 

After roles in such movies as The Wedding Singer and Love Stinks, Miss December took time public breakup with fiance 
olf to raise her daughter, Апапа, with former fiancé Oscar De La Hoya. When the boxer pub- Oscar De La Hoya, Shanna 
licly broke up with her, Shanna filed a $62.5 million palimony suit that is still pending. “It was found salace with boyfriend 
devastating and cruel to see him on TV at the Latin Grammy Awards with another woman,” Dennis Quaid (for right) 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY STEPHEN WAYDA 


ays. “I don't know what his intentions were be- 
to hurt me, but he succeeded at that.” She met 
new boyfriend Dennis Quaid (who endured a similar 
breakup with Meg Ryan) after his band, the Sharks, 
performed in a Los Angeles club. “One of the rea- 
sons Dennis and I really connected is that we both 
went through humiliating public betrayals and he 
understands what I'm feeling,” she says. “He is such 
a gifted, underrated actor.” Although Quaid is 47, 
Shanna brushes off comments about their 21-year 
difference in age. “He has a better body than any 
year-old and boundless energy,” she reports. “It has 
never been an issue. 
In between raising her daughter and going on au- 
ditions, Shanna writes screenplays and records songs 
with her band, DVS. “It’s pronounced devious,” she 


Shanna is a serious card shark. 71 ga ta Vegas as often as 
I can,” she says. “Baccarat is my favorite game— con put 
5500 down and win five grand. | love it because there is а 
little more suspense than there is in something like black- 
jack. | get rowdy, scream and rip up the cards!” 


% (1 | 
N a 


says. “We sing Destiny's Child-style R&B music and we're having a lot of fun recording our demo.” She has also been de- 
voting her time and money to the Special Olympics since she was 13. "I was a professional roller skater for 10 years and 1 
would volunteer at the rink to teach these kids to skate,” she says. “I got to work with these amazing families who were told 
their children would never run or laugh. I got to witness miracle after miracle. If I wasn't acting, 1 would love to work in a 
hospital with newborns in the nursery or doing ultrasounds.” More than anything, Shanna wants everyone to know she is a 
survivor and not brooding about her past. "I am a spiritual person and believe God is leading me and my daughter in a bet- 
ter direction,” she says. “I won't ever let the betrayal of one man make me afraid to fall in love again.” 


There's more Shanna at cyber playbey.com. Save a сай to Reader's Service: The cool Rabbit Head navel ring is available at playboystore.com 


"mr 
E 
2 
Е 


PLAYMATE DATA SHEET 


мане: llene Ads bb 


BUST: “7 WAIST: 


TURN-ONS EA ышы S EN 
an aute c, Lite. bandi and a greit 224922 


2 Tt 
TURNOFFS: 2224. Who lito, Cheat and ares 
= z 7 
MY FAVORITE mal Lhe glamour anf llas af 
FIVE CDS I CAN'T LIVE mors Any Sele, Dari Gray, aga 
б: 7 
2 
Z £ SL Barts with te. mar 


My first Photoshoot” The Sunset Modeling and 
Кп uan Age (e. ER (o9). айпа in МУС 


PLAYBOY’S PARTY JOKES 


Ма. Claus realized that her marriage was in 
trouble when she found out Santa was nail- 
ing more than just stockings in front of the 
fireplace 


Why is Santa so jolly? 
He knows where all the bad girls live. 


During dinner. a man said to his date, “You 
know, drinking makes you beautiful 
Puzzled, she said 


“I know,” he said. 


A rabbit was hopping through the forest when 
he came upon a giraffe rolling a joint. The rab- 
гаће, don't do drugs. Come, run 
h me through the forest.” 

‘The girafle looked at the rabbit, then at the 
joint. He dropped the joint and ran off with 
the rabbit. They came upon an elephant 
snorting cocaine. The rabbit said, “Elephant, 
don't do drugs. Come, run with us through 
the forest.” 

The elephant looked at them, looked at his 
razor blade and mirror, tossed them away and 
began running with the rabbit and giraffe. The 
three animals then came across a lion about 
to shoot up. The rabbit said, “Lion, don't do 
drugs. Come, run with us through the forest.” 

п Fe lion looked at the rabbit and then at the 
needle. He put down the needle and started to 
beat up the rabbit. Horrified, the giraffe and 
elephantasked, “Lion, why are you doing this? 
He was trying to help you.” 

The lion answered, “This little fucker? He 
makes me run around the forest like a fucking 
idiot every time he's on ecstasy. 


А wise man once said that instead of seeing a 
woman wrestle, he'd like to see her box. 


Bronne JORE or тне мохти: А car struck а 
в across the street. The driver 
с. “Are you all right?" he asked. 
just a blur,” the blonde re 


ied, the man leaned closer to her 
and asked, "How many fingers have I got up?” 

С . "I must be paralyzed 
from the waist down too.” 


A man asked a female clerk, “Hey, miss. May I 
have 11 condo 


“Oh, very well, E 
dozen and meet me in the parking lot in five 


A woman was walking through the woods 
ыша енуш kava caughtina 
trap. The leprechaun Ifyou release me, 
1 will grant you three wishes.” 
he woman freed the leprechaun, who said, 
“Thank you. You now have three wishes. And 
whatever you wish for, your husband will get 
10 times ove: 

The woman said, “I want to be the most 
beautiful woman in the world.” 

The leprechaun warned her, “Your husband 
will be the most handsome man in the world. 
Women will flock to him.” 

The woman replied, “That's OK. 1 trust my 
husband.” 

So, poof!—she became the most beautiful 
woman in the world, For her second wish, she 
wanted to be the richest woman in the world. 
Fhe leprechaun said, “That will make your 
husband 10 times richer than you.” 

The woman said, “That's OK. We'll share 
our money.” 

So, poof!—she became the richest woman in 
the world. The leprechaun then inquired 
about her tl wish. She answered, "I'd like a 
mild heart attack.” 


А man walked into a bar and drank a triple 
scotch in one gulp. “Wow,” the bartender said. 
“Something bad must have happened.” 

aa caught my having sex with my best 
friend,” the man said. * “I told her to pack her 
bags and get out.” 

“What did you say to your friend?” the bar- 
tender asked, 

The man replied, “I looked him straight in 
the eye and said, ‘Bad dog!” 


Pıaysov ciassic: The Seven Dwarfs were all 
standing outside a convent. When a n 
walked out, Dopey approached her and 
use me, Sister. Do you have any 4 
nuns in there?” 
The nun replied, “N 
Dopey then asked, 
anywhere in this city?” 
The nun replied, “Not that I'm aware of.” 
As she walked away, the other dwarls began 
chanting, “Dopey fucked a penguin, Dopey 
fucked a penguin.” 


re there dwarf nuns 


Send your jokes on postcards to Party Jokes Editor, 
PLAYBOY, 680 North Lake Shore Drive, Chicago, 
Illinois 60611, or by e-mail to jokes@playboy.com. 
8100 will be paid to the contributor whose submis- 
sion is selected. Sorry, jokes cannol be returned. 


A 
а 7 ГИД 


127 


“Smile! You're on next year's Christmas card!” 


FICTION 


1 сап 
great SEX 
с 

| overcome a 


few minor 


ПТИ = ca 
| policy 
| squabbles! 
LU | vote yes 
muni 1n? 
л 


met Darcy Hicks early іп the 
primary season, at a dive in 
Randolph, New Hampshire. 
She was g at the bar in a 
blue skirt, sipping from a tum- 
bler and looking bored. A 
few of the locals had hit on her already. But they 
were missing it. Her edges were too crisp for the 
room. Her makeup was nearly invisible. 

The stool next to her opened up and I sat 
down. A Kenny Loggins tune came on the juke- 
box and the bartender began to sing along. Dar- 
cy glanced at her drink, trying to decide wheth- 
er another would make matters better or worse. 
I'd had a miserable day and was fceling sorry for 
myself, lonely, a little reckless. I introduced my- 
self and asked her please not to take offense if I 
bought her a drink. 

Darcy turned slowly. In profile, she'd seemed 
dangerously icy. But straight on, her face was 
sweet and a little flushed. 

“Jack and ginger,” she said. 

І ordered two. 

It turned out we were both in New Hamp- 
shire doing issue work. Darcy was pitching ag- 
ricultural subsidies to the Republicans, I was 
pitching drug counseling to the Dems. I'd spent 
the past week trolling rehab cente: ening 
to earnest social workers and sad, unconvinang 
ex-junkies. At night, 1 squeezed into the tiny 
hotel bathtub and tried to wash the smoke out 
of my pores. Darcy was faring no better. She'd 
twisted her ankle that morning touring a dere- 
lict strawberry farm 

“Who farms here?” she said. “What would 
they farm, granite?” 

“Maybe they thought they had sent you to 
Vermont.” 

She shook her head. “There are no Republi 
cans in Vermont.” 


ILLUSTRATION BY STEVEN GUARNACCIA 


LAY EN 


130 


The truth is, we were on the fringes 
of the campaign, miles from the action; 
our duties were more ceremonial than 
anything. But there was in each of us 
the bug of politics, a talky competitive- 


ness, a desire to impose our sense of 


right on the world. We carried, along 
with our clattery Beltway cynicism and 
our Motorolas, a tremendous vulnera- 
bility to hope. And now, as we talked 
and drank, this vulnerability became 
shared property, like the pack of Camel 
Lights that lay between us, or the tales 
of model UN coups, the gecky adoles- 
cent versions of our adult passion 

Outside, the December night was 
crisp. A fog had rolled in and lay 
draped over the pine barrens like 
gauze. We stood beside my rental car, 
shivering, swinging a little. Darcy was 
packed neatly into her blue cotton 
blend. Her hair was the color of wet 
straw and fell to her clavicle. A flower 
belonged behind her ear. Kissing her 
seemed the most uncomplicated deci- 
sion I had made in years. 


So there was tha ening of es- 
prit de corps, some very fine necking in 
the great hither and yon of the elec 
torate. Back in D.C., the situation was a 
little less clear. 

Darcy worked at the Fund for Tradi- 
tion, a think tank devoted to—as the 
swanky, four-color pamphlets told it— 
fiscal restraint and the defense of tradition- 
al values. 1 was at геп Action, a de- 
scendant of the LBJ era. We didn't have 
pamphlets. Our mission was to lobby 
the halls of power on behalf of the dis- 
enfranchised. To piss, in other words, 
up the mighty tree of capitalism. 

We conducted the same ba: fe ас 
a slightly different amplitude. The bru- 
tal hours of apprenticeship, the hasty 
lunches and reports whose sober facıs 
gummed our thoughts. We were both 
involved with other people, people 
more like ourselves, who satisfied us in 
a placid way. 1 might never have seen 
her again. Except that 1 did. 

She was standing alone in the Senate 
gallery. Congress was on break, the 
tourists gone. Darcy gazed down into 
the darkening well of the Senate. She 
was wearing a peacoat and a dark 
box hat, which now, in my memo: 
have affixed with a veil, though I'm 
certain this was not the case. 

I circled the gallery and waited for 
her to notice me. When 1 called her 
name, she gasped and placed a hand 
over her heart. 

“Oh Billy! Its you 

“I'm sorry. Did 

“No,” she said. 

“You look beautiful,” 

This wasn't what Га meant to say. It 
was certainly too ardent for the setting. 


But it was the truest thing 1 was feel- 
ing, and, anyway, Darcy had this effect 
on me. 

She shook her head a liule, then 
blushed. “What are you doing here?" 
she said. 

"I'm not sure. I was visiting a 
downstairs, a guy who works with 
banes. 1 just sort of wandered up her 

“I come here all the time," Darcy 
said. “It helps me think. 

“About what?” 

She pursed her lips. “Why we're 
here, I guess. The desire to effect good 
in an arena of civili 

“Is that Jeflerson? 

“Not really. It's me.” 

The smell of the Senate rose from 
the empty well, old leather and some- 
thing vaguely peppery—Brylcreem, 
maybe. The place exuded a sense of 
quiet dignity, which was more than the 
absence of its usual clamor, and seemed 
closer, in the end, to the calm we hoped 
to find at the center of ow 

“Does that sound hokey, 
cy said suddenly. 

‚ог at all.” 

“You don't think so?” Her face 
leaped from the dark fabric of her coat, 
sweetly arrayed in worry. 


па 


= 
Billy?” Dar- 


Darcy opened her mouth but said 
nothing. 

“Other plan: 

"Sort of. I should: " She looked at 
me for a moment. “Hold on.” 

“If you've got plans, I don't want to 
impose.” 

Darcy laughed, a bit lavishly. “1 
wouldn't let you impose,” she said, and 
drew the cell phone from her coat 
pocket. 


. 


We were both tipsy and tangled in 
my flannel sheets. We'd talked about 
not letting this happen, this sudden 
rush into the secret bodies. But Darcy, 
her neck, the length of her torso, the 
wisp of corn silk above her pelvic ba- 
sin and the gentle application of her 
hands, her generous, unfeigned devo- 
tions to my body—which 1 secretly 
loathed, which shamed me for its defi- 
ciencies of grace and muscle—and her 
hair reeling across my chest. . . . All 
these came at me in a tumble of violent 
emotion, stripped from me the lan- 
guage with which one crafts cautious 
deferrals, the maybe I should go, the sud- 
den pause, the stuttered breath and 
step back, the gallant bonered retreat 
to the bathroom. 

No. We mad stead a ridiculous 
flying machine in two clamped parts. 
In the thick of our clumsy desire, pun- 
gent and shameless, we clutched each 
other by the cheeks, let the skin of our 
bellies smack briskly, and flew 


“So that’s what it's like to love a Re- 
publican," I said. 

"There are other ways, too.” Dar 
giggled. “Do you have cigarettes? Г 4 
kill for a cigarette.” 

I reached into my bedside drawer. 

She took a slow drag and blew the 
smoke at the ceiling. “Oh yeah.” 

Outside a light snow fell. The cars on 
the road made a sound like the surf. 
The moon lit Darcy's face. Her nose 
was a little blunt. One of her incisors 
pushed out dramatically from the neat 
band of her teeth. These flaws served 
to particularize her beauty. One's mem- 
ory snagged on them. 

“You're my first beard,” 
thoughtfully. 

She sat up and peered around the 
room. Che Guevara stared down at her 
from the closet door, in his fierce mus- 
tache. My fertility goddesses stood 
ranked along the sill, squat figures with 
sagging breasts and hips round as 
swales. I waited for Darcy to ask me 
about them, so I could recite my Peace 
Corps stories. (I'd saved a little girl's 
life! A goat had been killed in my dons 
or!) But she only took another drag 
and covered her warm little breasts. 

"Where are we again?” 

“My apartment." 

“The address, you dope." 

"Why do you want the address?" 

"For the cab." 

"Oh please don't go. I'd rather you 
stayed. Or I could drive you." 

“No. I need to think about this.” 

"Can't we think together? I'd like to 
think with you." 

“I'm not sure you're the best thing 
for my thought process." 

Darcy rose from the bed and began 
collecting her clothes. I watched her 
move around the room. I wanted terri- 
bly for her to come close enough that 1 
could take a bite of her tush, which 
trembled like a pale bell. But this was 
not going to happen. From the other 
room came the slithery sound of panty- 
hose, the clasp of a bra 

“What's there to think about?" I 
called out. "Was this a mistake? Because 
1 don't feel like this was a mistake." 

Darcy reemerged, looking combed 
and dangerous, like something from a 
winter catalog. She took a last drag off 
her cigarette and dropped it in her 
wineglass. A horn sounded below in 
the street. 

“Can I at least walk you down?” 

“You're sweet. I wish you wouldn't.” 
She set her fingers to her throat and 
said, a little dreamily, “I'm going to have 
a rash tomorrow, from your beard.” 

I went to the window and watched 
her slip into the cab. There was some- 
thing tragically illicit about the mo- 
ment. I didn't know what to do. The 

(continued on page 176) 


Darcy said 


The snowball has started an av- 7 - = 
alanche. Each year, more young 2 > 
anche Each year more youre PLAYBOY'S | E > E 
dergraduate or high school se- 
nior to professional ballplayer. = > = 
The snowball was high school- / 
ers Kevin Garnett and Kobe К - 
Bryant. Why crack books and d 
attend class when you can make 
millions and drive a new Mercedes? The ava- د‎ a = 
lanche came this year when four of the five A 
top selections in the NBA draft had no col- A ES c қ 
lege experience. Of the first 20 players draft- Í 


ed, only two were college seniors (Shane Bat- 
tier from Duke and Brendan Haywood from 


North Carolina). Of the first 12 draft picks, OUR ANNUAL ROUNDUP 


only Battier had played more than two years 


peo. A A OF THE BEST TEAMS 
ognition and talent. On the other hand, the 
race for the national championship hangs not AND PLAYERS 


only on who you can recruit but also who you 
can keep in school. Michigan State's Tom Izzo 
took an unseasoned but talented team to an- 
other Final Four. Most fans figured to see the 
Spartansin the hunt for another national 
championship this season. But when sopho- 
more Jason Richardson and freshman Zach 
Randolph bolted for the NBA, the odds on 
Michigan State even (continued on page 134) 


The Duke Blue Devils, led by Playboy 
All-America guard Jason Williams, will 
attempt to repeat as national champions. 


LaVell Blanchard, forward, 67”, 215, junior, 
Michigan. Averaged 17.8 points and 8.4 re- 
bounds per game. David West, center, 6'8", 232, 
junior, Xavier. School’s first-ever Atlantic 10 
Conference Player of the Year, 17.8 points per 
game. Marvin O'Connor, guard, 64”, 190, senior, 
St. Joseph's. Set school season record for points 


рау) - 
aie" 


(706). Frank Williams, guard, 63”, 205, junior, 
Illinois. Last season’s Big 10 Player of the Year, 
14.9 points per game. Jason-Kapono; forward, 
6'8”, 206, junior, UCLA./Bruins' leading scorer 
past two Зеазопв, 17:27 points per game. Chris 
Marcus, center, 7'1”, 285, senior, Western Ken- 
tucky. Leading rebounder in nation last season. 


я 


Kareem Rush, forward, 6'6", 218, junior, Mis- 
souri. Averaged 21.1 points per game last season. 
Michael Sweetney, forward, 6'8”, 260, sophomore, 
Georgetown. Team’s leading scorer and rebound- 
er. Eyo Effiong, Anson Mount Scholar/Athlete 
winner, center, 69”, 240, senior, Winthrop. Three- 
year starter. Casey Jacobsen, guard, 66”, 210, 


junior, Stanford. Averaged 18.1points per game 
and shot more than 50 percent from the floor. 
Jason Williams (not pictured), guard, 62", 196, 
junior, Duke. Finished season-with 21.6 points 
per game average. Gary Williams (not pictured), 
Coach of the Year, Maryland. Led Terps to at least 
20 wins in six of the past seven seasons. 


134 


LOS 
TOP 25 


1. DUKE 

2. KENTUCKY 

3. ILLINOIS 

4. MARYLAND 

5. UCLA 

6. MISSOURI 

7. IOWA 

8. FLORIDA 

9. KANSAS 
10. VIRGINIA 


11. SL JOSEPH'S 

12. FRESNO STATE 
13. BOSTON COLLEGE 
14. TEMPLE 

15. GEORGETOWN 
16. MEMPHIS 

17. CONNECTICUT 


making the 64-team tournament field 
went from certain to long. 

Will the game survive? Because of a 
surfeit of talent and some great coaches, 
the answer is a resounding yes. While 
the player names may not be as famil- 
iar, the game itselfis as exciting as ever. 

Last season we predicted that Duke 
and Arizona would be the two best 
teams in the nation and that Duke 
would win the national championship. 
The crystal ball doesn't work any bet- 
ter than that. Now Duke is looking to 
repeat, and it appears to have the tal- 
ent to do so. Playboy All-America point 
guard Jason Williams decided to stay at 
Duke despite being a probable number 
one pick in the NBA draft. Now he has 
a Chance to lead his team to a fourth 
national title. No school since UCLA 
has been as dominant as the Blue Dev- 
ils, who have made nine Final Four ap- 
pearances under coach Mike Krzyzew- 
ski and played in the title game seven 
imes. Krzyzewski, on his way to being 
the greatest college coach of all time, 
emphasizes academic success as well 
as basketball excellence, and he does it 
with unparalleled class and style. 

While Duke may be the favorite, the 
race is wide open. Illinois will be back, 
as will Maryland, which reached last 
year's Final Four (as PLAYBOY predict- 
ed). Kentucky, UCLA and Florida have 
legitimate title aspirations as well. 

Here’s the rundown on our top 25 
teams for this season. 


(1) DURE 


The Blue Devils are our choice to 
win another national championship, 
largely because All-America point 
guard Jason Williams decided to re- 
turn to school rather than jump to the 
NBA. The 69” guard played in all six 
NCAA tournament games last season 
and averaged 21.6 points. He has com- 
pletely recovered after breaking his 
hand in a pickup game in late August. 
The Blue Devils return the best back- 
court in the nation with Williams and 
Chris Duhon forming a jet-quick com- 
bination that can score from anywhere. 
Coach K and Co. must find a replace- 
ment for All-America forward Shane 
Battier, who was Duke's best defensive 
player, their leader on and off the court 
and a talented scorer both from the 
perimeter and in the paint. Top guns 
for the Blue Devils front line include 
Carlos Boozer, Casey Sanders and Nick 
Horvath, with Boozer one of the na- 
tion's premier inside forces. Throw in 
68" swingman Mike Dunleavy, and you 
have a team that should add more jew- 
elry to their fingers next spring. 


(2) KENTUCKY 


The Wildcats lost power forward Ja- 
son Parker to a torn ACL, but they sull 


have a deep pool of talent that ought 
10 help coach Tubby Smith quiet his 
critics in Lexington. Tayshaun Prince 
pulled out of the NBA draft, a decision 
that gives UK one of the best small for- 
wards in college ball. Prince can run, 
jump and score in a variety of ways 

Keith Bogans, who also pulled out of 
the draft after a poor showing in a pre- 
draft camp, is a superb guard who us- 
es his size and athleticism to score as 
well as to initiate Kentucky's half-court 
offense. The 6:8”, 253-pound Parker 
came on strong at the end of last sea- 
son, capped by his 22-point, 13-ге- 
bound performance in an NCAA tour- 
nament loss to USC. Unfortunately, 
Parker blew a knee in a pickup game 
and will be sidelined at least six months. 
Six-ten junior Marvin Stone will be ex- 
pected to pick up Parker's points and 
rebounds. Jules Camara, who missed 
last season on a suspension, will add 
strength along the baseline. Marquis 
Estill and freshman Chuck Hayes 
should help Kentucky muscle up in the 
rugged SEC. Beyond Prince and Bo- 
gans, the perimeter features Cliff Haw- 
kins, Gerald Fitch and freshman sensa- 
tion Rashaad Carruth. Pile it up and 
Tubby has a nice problem—finding 
minutes for all of his stars. 


(3) ILLINOIS 


The key to the Illini's chances ofim- 
proving on last year's Regional Final 
appearance, where they lost to Arizo- 
na, will be the conunued development 
of Playboy All-America Frank Williams 
and the leadership and perimeter shoot- 
ing of Cory Bradford. Robert Archi- 
bald will provide defense and rebound- 
ing, and at 6/1 1" he is a presence on the 
low post. However, he must improve 
his scoring on the interior to open 
things up for the perimeter attack and 
to give junior star Brian Cook room to 
operate inside. At 6/10”, Cook is a tal- 
ented forward, but he needs to be more 
of a force around the basket and more 
consistent with his perimeter jumper. A 
pair of hard-nosed forwards make the 
Illini one of the most physical teams in 
the country, as 68” Lucas Johnson and 
69” Damir Krupalija crash the boards 
with reckless abandon. I also score. 
Add an excellent recruiting class led 
by jumping-jack guard Luther Head, 
and the Illini appear headed to the 
nal Four. 


(4) MARYLAND 


Another talented backcourt tandem, 
Steve Blake and Juan Dixon, will at- 
tempt to lead the Terps to a consecu- 
tive successful ACC season. Inside, Lon- 
ny Baxter will handle low-post scoring 
and most of the board work, but he 
needs solid support from Tahj Holden 

(continued on page 148) 


“Last Christmas, 1 gave until it hurt.” 


135 


t was the year of the belly 

button, As if guys didn’t 

already have enough to 

drool over, the female 

navel joined Ts and As 

and legs as totemic tar- 
gets. Pop moppets Britney Spears 
and Christina Aguilera (not to 
mention Jennifer Lopez) pushed 
plunging waistlines down to the 
base cleft. However, our favor- 
ite laplander has to be TV host 
Brooke Burke. Now there’s a 
winking omphalos for you. Else- 
where, 2001 saw models turned 
actresses such as Kylie Bax and 
Angelica Bridges turning up in 
PLAYBOY. Guys got tougher—like 
Ben Affleck, who takes on Tom 
Clancy’s character Jack Ryan. But 
the most encouraging sign is the 
strength of the bare market— 
Summer Altice and Brande Rod- 


erick vying to be the next Pam 
or Carmen. So enjoy the celestial 
bodies, and we'll see you in the 
coronary care unit. 


1. THE ROCK Taken for granite 
. KATE HUDSON Goldie spawn 


. CHRISTINA AGUILERA 
Baby marmalade 


. ANTONIO BANDERAS and 
ANGELINA JOLIE Original sinners 


. JAIME PRESSLY Fringe benefits 


6. KID ROCK Mack daddy 
7. KIM CATTRALL, CYNTHIA NIXON, 


KRISTIN DAVIS, SARAH JESSICA 
PARKER Four score in the city 


. ESTELLA WARREN Hot Apes’ hit 


Wild OnB 


es Heal, meet humidity 
Peeled kiwi 
; Belly interesting 
Hey! 
The boys rule 
Advantage in 


All revved up 
J. Lo rider 
Sex pop 
Screen gem 


Hot flash 
PMOY 
Body politic 


L Dam good 


Oahu wahoo 
Toll you so 
Planet rock 
Stud finder 


ЫГ LUUCLL 
| Y zur 


* MAIL YOUR ENTRY ПО LATER THAN DECEMBER IS, 2001. 


О sono 
П NELLY FURTADO 


ПО CARTER BEAUFORO П AALIYAH sE / 
ОТНЕ EDGE Û INDIA ARIE 


O DAVID GRAY E] JONNY GREENWOOD О ВАВҮҒАСЕ — ° py EER 
П PJ. HARVEY О sunny GUY П BILAL Е ТЕ BROTHERS 
П JANET JACKSON П RICHARD THOMPSON О MARY J. BLIGE ee E 
О ко воск П BOYD TINSLEY П craic oavin rn. ESCUDO. 
П MADONNA П OESTINY'S CHILD 
О мову ROCK ED Dee B те ENAR 
П ALANIS MORISSETTE [ ALL THAT чои сяпт П ALICIA KEYS vite 
TEVIE JENNIFER LOPEZ a 
B ШЕГЕН me CERN PEA e Б MAXWELL CESTA MINOR ALICIA 
[Г] STEVEN TYLER П amnesiac — ВАОТОНЕАО Oma KEYS 
ГІ PETE YORN О BERT em LIP — IGGY РОР О ли scott Б day a 5 P 
L1 ков ZOMBIE О BREAK THE CYCLE — П LUTHER VANDROSS pis "Cas 
STAIND 
О чпик LOMAN — SUNSHINE 
GROUP es те ANDERSON 
EWS 
o П ALIEN ANT FARM 
3 [BEATLES Û HHBRID THEORY — LINKIN 
e O BON Jovi PARK 
= Ссогорду ОТНЕШ = MACY GRAY 
m SOIGREEN DAY O Lave AND THEFT — ВОВ 
m ШіІнсиви5 OYLAN 
Смер Ll no name FACE — 
E санае SAND LIFEHOUSE O омх О BACK FOR THE FIRST 4 
П но DOUBT О тине OFF HOUR PANTS ANO О 012 TIME — LUDACRIS 
O stano JACKET — BLINK-182 Deve Û THE BLUEPRINT — JAY-Z 
toon ПІ WARMING — GREEN DAY П GHOSTFACE KILLAH O counrry GRAMMAR — 
NELLY 
О Travis WEEZER — WEEZER Da 
по В WHITE LADDER — DAVID Danca т" dele 
О WEEZER A O JUVENILE L1 MALPRACTICE — 
Û] WHITE STRIPES GRAY П LUDACRIS REDMAN 
Amz От E ЕП ADDICTIVE + 
ALL THE BEST ПЕШ R+B ARTISTS HAVE MADE MDDS TO g ое п MISSY РМ 
THEIR MUSICAL ROOTS, BUT ПП SINGER ПЕ MARVIN ee. Y an = 
Е О THREE 6 MAFIA О ШЕ RIGHT HERE — DMX 
GAYE'S CALIBER MERGED. EI WU-TANG CLAN 


О хавп 


x 1 
ОД Aaliyah 


О САРНЕХ TWIN 
П AUTECHRE 


п BASEMENT JA ГІ 
O DAFT PUNK | J PAUL OAKENFDLD ` 
O FATBDY SLIM П SAINT GERMAIN 


П GROOVE ARMADA О SQUAREPUSHER 


ШИШЕ TRAGER 


ANGRY INCH > Платон 
O LARA CROFT: Tome ІГ.ТНЕШИЕН 
RAIDER 4 t 


EXCEPT FOR Ма LARGE- ы 
SCALE BUT SURPRISINGLY. 8 
INTIMATE TOUR, ТИЕ N i 
INTERESTING MUSIC THIS d | 
YEAR TOOK PLACE ІП la i 
SMALLER VENUES. BERE i 


DETACH HERE 


О GARY ALLAN 
П BROOKS ANO DUNN 
- LI TRACY BYRD 
L1 DIXIE CHICKS 
ÛÛ STEVE EARLE 
П FAITH HILL 
П GEORGE JONES 
П PATTY LOVELESS 
L] SHELBY LYNNE 
| [C] DEL MCCOURY вано 
О пм MCGRAW 
L1 BRAD PAISLEY 
Н DOLLY PARTON 
L1 TRAVIS TRITT - 
Га ТӘТТІ 
L] LEE ANN WOMACK 


THIS YEAR'S SUREFIRE TRICK 
Mns TO БЕТ GWEN STEFANI 


WILLIAMS 
О HOUSTON ко — RODNEY 


4 | 
CROWELL E: 
O / HOPE sou DANCE — LEE ЕРІ 
ANN WOMACK 1 = 
Ll fm ALREADY THERE — а 
LONESTAR 


O mountain SOUL — patty 
LOVELESS 

П ROOTS. VOL. 1- MERLE 
HAGGARO 


Exe IGGY РОР 


mM 


` ІП SMOKEY ROBINSON 


O SMOKE RINGS ІП THE DARK ah aH 

— GARY ALLAN с" 
О STEERS AND STRIPES — 

BROOKS ANO DUNN L1J0NI MITCHELL 
Ll WHEN SOMEBODY LOVES П VAN MORRISON 

MULI — ALAN JACKSON UI JOHN PHILLIPS 


By Tony Green 


riffs and 


"A lot of people don’t realize the 
effect we've had, as Southern hip- 
hop artists and as artists in general,” 

"Big Hair Parton. .. 
people get what we're doing, but a 
lot don't." 


"I was in the studio 
with George Clinton once. He told me 
the way to record is to have a bunch 
of things going at the same time and 
then keep cutting stuff out, adding, 
rearranging, until you get what you 
want. That's how we do it. Dui folks 
try fo be sneaky. They ask us, ‘Where 
do you draw the line between keep- 
ing it real and art?'” 

“People always trying to ask what 
it is we do,” тілеп them 
we just do what we feel. It’s simple. 
We talk about everyday life. Every- 
body can get with that.” 


raps 


“I like fast 
beats,” "1 actually like any- 
thing that doesn't sound American— 
Irish music, Indian music.” 


г “Niggas 
be forgettin’ up in here,” 


“It was a minute before we 
had our own rooms on tour. We 
didn’t have separate rooms until our 
third album.” 


from Dre 


and Big Boi 


“You and 
your girl ain’t talkin’ no more, ‘cause 
my dick up in her mouth.” 


“It was our manager's 


fault,” 
"Fuckin? 
forgot,” 
“Yeah, man,” “We fig- 


ured we would pui п ou? in time for 
the awards season. And as it was 
getting time, we were like, ‘Are we 
Gonna miss the deadline?’ and he 
was like, ‘Naw, ii’s cool, it's cool." 
And we just missed the door.” 

"li is cool, though,” said Big Doi. 
“We're just gonna keep the buzz go- 
ing around fill this year.” 


“Some people get what we're doing, but a lot don't.” 


PA K FEO Y 


148 


BASKETBALL conned jron page 134) 


The player names may not be as familiar, but the 
game itself is as exciling as ever. 


and Chris Wilcox, because Maryland's 
one question mark is its inside depth 
Dixon is a prime-time scorer and as 
mentally tough as any player in the na- 
tion. This will be the final season for 
Maryland’s longtime home. Cole Field 
House, and with all of this talent it 
could close its doors after hosting a na- 
tional championship party. 
(5) UCLA 

The Bruins return just about every- 
body from last season and add a fabu- 
lous recruiting class to the mix. Playboy 
All-America Jason Kapono is a prolific 
scorer who has good range from the 
perimeter and also scores well in tran- 
sition. He could have an even better 
year if he gets solid inside play from 
Dan Gadzuric, who needs to improve 
his scoring and rebounding numbers. 
Matt Barnes will also be counted on to 
provide scoring from a forward spot. 
Someone else must step up on the 
front line; the pool of candidates in- 
dudes T.]. Cummings, Spencer Gloger 
and Josiah Johnson. Point guard Ced- 


ric Bozeman must try to fill the shoes of 
the graduated Earl Watson. 


(6) MISSOURI 


The Tigers boast an exciting player 
in Playboy All-America Kareem Ri 
who is electrifying in the open court 
and can score in a multitude of ways. 
He will need help. though, from point 
guard Wesley Stokes, the man who 
runs the Tigers show. Backcourt mate 
Clarence Gilbert adds solid perime- 
ter shooting to the MU attack, Inside, 
Missouri needs solid play from Arthur 
Johnson and Travon Bryant but will al- 
so look to junior college transfer Uche 
Okafor if he's eligible. Two other play- 
ers to watch along the baseline are 
freshmen Najeeb Echols and Jeffrey Fer- 
guson. Missouri is deep and talented, 
giving coach Quin Snyder enough am- 
mo to make serious noise on the na- 
uonal scene. 


(IOWA 


Reggie Evans may not be a true cen- 
ter, but he's still extremely tough to 


ANSON MOUNT 
SCHOLAR /ATFLETE 


The Anson Mount Scholar/Athlete Award recog 


es achieve- 


ment both in the classroom and on the basketball court. Nomi- 
nated by their colleges, candidates are judged on their scholas- 
tic and athletic accomplishments by the editors of pLaysoy. A 
donation of $5000 has been made by рілүвот to the general 
scholarship fund of the winner's school. 


This year's Anson Mount Scholar/Athlete Award in basketball 
goes to Eyo Effiong from Winthrop University. Effiong has been 
the starting center on three consecutive Big South championship 
teams and has played in three NCAA tournaments. He was on 
the National Dean's List for 199 
South All-Academic Team for the | 
he's been the Big South Preside 


handle on the post, where his scoring 
and rebounding make the Hawkeyes 
go. Coach Steve Alford is depending 
on the return ofa healthy Luke Recker, 
who became an important part of the 
lowa attack last season but missed the 
stretch run of last season with a knee 
injury. Recker is a complete backcourt 
player. Brody Boyd must find more 
consistency from the perimeter to nail 
down the other guard spot, while the 
Hawkeyes need improved play from 
611" Jared Reiner and 67” Glen Wor- 
ley along the front line to take the 
heat off Evans. If this club stays healthy 
and its perimeter game is solid, Iowa 
could rock. 


(8) FLORIDA 


At the end of last season, coach Billy 
Donovan straightened his tie, looked in 
the mirror and said, “See you in the 
NCAA championship game next sea- 
son.” That's when he thought Kwame 
Brown, the number one high school 
player in the nation, would be playing 
college basketball. It's also when he as- 
sumed that Teddy Dupay, a firebrand 
floor leader for the Gators (and one of 
their best three-point shooters), would 
still be eligible. Loosen the tie, Billy. 
Kwame went pro, and Michael Jordan 
made him the first-ever high school 
player to be drafied number one. Du- 
pay has been dismissed from the team. 
Should Donovan throw in the towel on 
the season? Not exactly. Udonis Has- 
lem can be dominating on the inside. 
Brett Nelson still provides the Gators 
with a perimeter threat, Orien Greene 
and Justin Hamilton have potential. 
But what appeared to be a fast track to 
the Final Four for Florida has turned 
into a long and winding road. 


(9) KANSAS. 


Coach Roy Williams has his Jay- 
hawks ready to make a run at a Final 
Four berth with a strong team led by 
Drew Gooden and Nick Collison up 
front. Gooden runs the court as well as 
any big man in the nation, and if KU 
can dominate the glass and get the ball 
to standout guards Jeff Boschee and 
Kirk Hinrich, they will make a serious 
run in the national tournament. Last 
year KU outrebounded 25 of its 33 
opponents, thanks in large part to the 
efforts of 71" Eric Chenowith, but he 
has graduated. A nagging question this 
season: Do the Jayhawks have enough 
depth inside? 


(10) VIRGINIA 


When Pete Gillen arrived as coach a 
y years back, he promised to rebuild 
inia and said he'd do it in a hurry. 
After the team's 10-0 start last season, 
fans were excited about the Cavaliers 

(continued on page 202) 


k 


| 


ЖКІТТТТТІТТ | 
= 7 ZZ Bi 


"So there you are!” 


149 


BEEN A GOOD BOY ALL YEAR? TREAT YOURSELF TO ONE OF THESE 


150 


Above: Builder and racer Steve Saleen ex- 
pects to sell 300 to 400 of his $395,000 
mid-engine Saleen $75 in the next few 
years. Order one and you'll be in fast com- 
pany. Its power plant is a 550 hp aluminum 
V8. Combine that with the $7’s lightweight 
steel frame, honeycomb composite carbon 
fiber panels and a four-wheel double- 
wishbone suspension, and a driver with co- 
jones will see 60 mph on the speedo in less 
than four seconds. A couple of shifts later, 
200 mph (and more) will be the magic 
number. A gazillion vents and louvers and 
a ground clearance of about four inches 
mark the 57 as a not-too-thinly disquised 
race car for the streets. Right: If you can’t 
wait until Ferrari introduces its successor to 
the F50 in the next few years, you'll have to 
settle for the 360 Spider convertible. The bad news is that this 400 hp, $176,000 drop-top is in such short supply, 
greedy dealers are getting more than $300,000 for the car. With a zero-to-60 time of 4.3 seconds, we can see why. 
Opposite page: Porsche's Carrera GT, which is expected to go into production within a couple of years, will surely 
break Ferrari's stranglehold on hyperquick road cars. A V10 engine estimated at more than 600 hp, rear-wheel 
drive and ceramic brakes ensure a top speed of more than 200 mph and great tire grip. Price? Maybe $400,000. 


Exotic cars aren’t for everyone. Built by hand in limited numbers, 
they're made of lightweight materials such as titanium, magnesium and carbon fiber. Most are 
mid-engine for ideal weight distribution. All are tested in a wind tunnel for stability at high 
speeds. Two hundred miles per hour is the goal, with a zero-to-60 time around four seconds. 
But before you break out your checkbook, keep in mind that these exotic babies, which cost at 


least $175,000, have an unquench- 
able thirst for gas, minimal ground 
clearance and tiny trunks. (Golf clubs 
ride shotgun.) These cars can excecd 
the national speed limit in first 
gear—with four or five more to go. 
Insurance premiums? If you have to 
ask, you can't afford them. The cars 
are loaded with the latest electronics, 
such as computer-controlled shifter 
paddles on the steering wheel (that's 
what Formula I drivers use), so they 
are difficult to service and require 
great skill to drive. But if you're up 
to the task, you'll be rewarded with 
uncanny road handling, blinding ac- 
celeration and a top speed that 
would have won major international 
car races a few years ago. All but the 
Saleen S7 are built in Germany and 
Italy, where speed limits aren't al- 
ways taken seriously. The 57 hails 
from Irvine, California. Asymmetrical 


seating places the driver slight- 
ly ahead of the passenger for 
optimal control at high speeds. 
Expensive sound sys- 
tems are secondary in 
most supercars. In 
mid-engine vehicles, 


you’re seated just 


PRECIOUS METAL 


inches from the mo- 
tor. There’s a long waiting list for all 
the cars in this feature, and the Bugat- 
ti Veyron won't be introduced until 
2003. With a tentative price of 
$750,000, you won’t see many coming 
and going. Also pictured in this fea- 
ture is the Porsche Carrera GT, a con- 
cept model that the company’s chair- 
man, Wendelin Wiedeking, insists will 
be built “if we can make money on 

it.” With a price rumored to be about 
$400,000, they should. Some manu- 
facturers insist on running financial 
background checks before they'll put 
a potential buyér on their gotta-have- 


it list, so poseurs need not apply. 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY WINSTON GOODFELLOW 


Above: The rare $300,000 Pagani Zonda C12 hails from Modena, the heart of Ferrari country. With a specially 
modified 394 hp Mercedes-Benz V12, the shark-shaped Zonda features a custom race-inspired carbon fiber chas- 
sis and body panels supported by a high-strength steel frame. A Pagani-designed six-speed gearbox, drilled 
brake and clutch pedals (see inset) and fitted luggage add to the car’s allure. A 550 hp, $350,000 С12-5 version is 
also available. Left: Volkswagen hopes to resurrect the Bugatti marque in 2003 with the EB16/4 Veyron (named 
after Pierre Veyron, the Bugatti race driver). Estimated around $750,000 with a top speed of about 250 mph, the 
Veyron will be powered by an 8-liter, 1 linder engine with four turbochargers and direct fuel injection. Its 
horsepower? Hang on, Sloopy—987 ponies. Bugatti blue and a horseshoe-shaped grille are a few of many styling 
cues designed to link what will be the world’s most powerful road car with the Bugatti race cars of the past. Below: 
Lamborghini's venerable $265,000 Diablo 6.0 is still a ferociously quick (205 mph) road car. With its raucous, 550 
hp V12 positioned just 
behind the driver’s 
head, the Diablo 
sounds as fast as it 
goes (zero to 60 in 
3.95 seconds). If you 
don't mind its stingy 
12-mpg fuel con- 
sumption (and being 
а target for every сор 
on the interstates), 
you'll love this car. 
The Diablo's succes- 
sor, the L147, will be 
powered by a 48- 
valve V12 that's ex- 
pected to develop 
about 600 hp. 


WHERE AND HOW TO BUY ON PAGE 174. 


153 


154 


“When we were making our gift list, you specifically said, 
"Fuck the mailman!” 


bbean: We hag a big fight 
т; 


in the mia- 

е UP. We had a room rigi 
autiful night T Was Wearing no 

and and an incr; 


е moon 


iris for 
[ch 


Catherine 


Bell 


PLAYBOY'S 


200 


tv’s most popular uniformed woman on flirting for 
fun, nipponese weirdness and how to swear in farsi 


] J / hen Catherine Bell had a three-line 

walk-on appearance in the first 
season of ЈАС. she assumed it would be her 
last. In the next scene she was a bloodied 
corpse. JAG also died a quick death, when 
NBC scuttled the drama after one season 
But a year later, its executive producer, Don- 
ald Bellisario. resurrected the idea and sold 
it to CBS, Bell sent him a letter saying she 
was perfect for the role of Major Sarah Mac- 
Kenzie, the gung ho Marine lawyer. Bellisa- 
rio remembered her as а “good actress with a 
pretty laugh.” Bell was hired and the series 
became a huge hit. 

Bell was born in London, her parents di- 
vorced when she was two and she moved 
with her mother, an Iranian-born nurse, to 
Los Angeles. Her father died three years lat 
er in a car accident. At seven, Bell was re- 
cruited to appear in commercials. Though 
she enjoyed the experience, her real ambi- 
lion was to become a doctor. She enrolled at 
UCLA as а premed student but in her sopho- 
more year dropped out to become a model. At 
19, she spent four months т Japan walking 
the runways, homesick and lonely 

Bell returned to Los Angeles determined 
to be an actress. She took acting classes, ap- 
peared т an American Express commercial 
for Mexican television and landed a job as 
Isabella Rossellini's nude body double in 
Death Becomes Her. Still frames from the 
film are Internet staples 

Bell's career soon received а boost from 
guest appearances on Friends, Dream On 
and Hercules. She landed a major role in 
Miramax’ Men of War, co-starring Dolph 
Lundgren, appeared opposite Maureen 
O'Hara in the CBS movie Cab to Canada 
and co-starred in TBS’ The TimeShifters, 
with Casper Van Dien. 

Robert Crane caught up with Bell at her 
home in Los Angeles. He reports: “This wom- 
an never rests. When she's not filming, she 
rides motorcycles with her husband, snow- 
boards, kickboxes, skis, races cars and paints. 
Bell, who speaks Farsi fluently, is young, 
talented. beautiful and possesses the same 
sort of boundless energy as her good friend, 
the effervescent Jenna Elfman.” 


PHOTOGRAPHY EY ALBERT SANCHEZ 


1 


PLAYBOY: What are the privileges of 
rank? 

BELL: Telling lower-ranking men what 
to do. I got promoted at the beginning 
of the season, before my co-star did 
So 1 outranked him for about six epi- 
sodes. It's fun. You have the power to 
say, “End of discussion. Dismissed.” It's 
great! When we were on an aircraft 
carrier for a few days in the beginning 
of the season, some of the crew didn't 
recognize me and thought 1 was real 
ly a lieutenant colonel. These guys see 
me, sec the insignia and go, “Ma'am!” 
and snap to attention! Our technical 
advisor told me to say, "Carry on” or 
“As you were,” when they do that be- 
cause otherwise these guys would re- 
main totally frozen. 


2 


PLAYBOY: Care to comment on the prop- 
osition that military justice is to justice 
what military music is to music? 

BELL: It's pretty different. There isn't as 
much leeway in the military justice sys- 
tem. You do something wrong and you 
are in trouble. Even things that are 
common in regular society уои have 
an affair with the wrong person in the 
military, you're out. 


3 


PLAYBOY: How do you recruit when 
you're looking for a few good mei 
BELL: I'm a huge flirt and my husband, 
Adam, knows it. I've learned who to 
flirt with and who not to. I've found 
that even smiling at someone can get 
you into trouble. I smile, I'm friendly, 
Г hug people, and most people—like 
the guys at work, who I spend most of 
my time with—understand. I can sit 
on one of the guys’ laps and hang out 
and have a great time, and he knows 
it doesn't mean anything. But I've 
learned that not every guy knows that, 
so I'm pretty careful 


4 


pravuor: Would you be good at taking 
order 
BELL: Га be better at giving orders. At 
work you're essentially taking orders 
The director's telling vou to do some- 
thing. It's a little different though— 
you have more of a say in it. You can 
never do that with a superior oflicer. 
“You know, Admiral, I gotta tell ya. 
what's my motivation, sir?" 


5 


PLAYBOY: You've modeled in Japan. 
What do Americans still not under- 
stand about the Japanese? 

seit: I've been to Europe and coun- 
tries all over the world, and they're all 
a little different. But when I was in 
Japan, I thought 1 was on a different 
planet. They're much more serious 
There's no holding hands or kissing in 
public. But at the same time, I've never 
been grabbed on the street so much 
Someone grabbed my breast. someone 
grabbed my ass. I'm a kickboxer, and 
I've always been pretty tough and feisty 
1 would just turn around and slug 
these guys and knock them down, and 
they'd go running. Its a very different 
way of thinking over there. The first 
week that I was there, I was trying to be 
friendly and I turned to the guy next 
to me on the subway and said. “Hi, I'm 
Catherine. I'm from America.” Oh, my 
God! He was so offended. You don't 
talk to strangers in public unless you're 
formally introduced. He gave me this 
horrible look and moved to the other 
side of the car. 

I was eating with some Japanese peo- 
ple and was joking around with one 
man. | tapped his chopsticks because 
he was getting some food near mine. 
He threw down the chopsticks, walked 
out of the restaurant and didn't come 
back for 45 minutes. Apparently, cross- 
ing chopsticks is a symbol for death. 
I didn't know. (continued on page 192) 


157 


youre thinking of mess- 


ing around in Gena Lee No- 
lin's humid jungle, you'd bet- 
ter be ready to rumble. The 
fabulous former Baywatch v 
en is busy protecting Africa 
wildlife on her second sea- 
son as TV's Sheena. In the syn- 
dicated action series, Nolin 
plays the orphaned jungle 
queen raised by a shamaness 
who has taught her the mys- 
tical power of shape-shifting 
into animals. “I've morphed 
into panthers, tigers, eagles 
anything with a strong spiri 
she says. Gena has a lot of 
creative input on Sheena and 
retooled a recent episode in 
which Sheena lost her virgini- 
ty. “The writer wanted me to 

p open a condom package 
with my teeth and say some- 
thing completely tack: 
tells us. “I wanted to send the 
safe-sex message without go- 
ing to such extremes, so we 
showed the condom for two 
seconds and sealed the deal 
with a kiss, 

Gena describes herself as a 
“meat-and-potatoes type of 
gal” from Minnesota. After 
her family moved to Las Ve- 
gas, Gena beat out hundreds 
of other applicants to be one 
of Barker's Beauties on The 
Price Is Right. “The producers 
called 20 minutes after my 
audition and sai 
makeup bag, h 
coming on down!” s 
After two years of showcase 
showdowns, Gena sunk her 
teeth into the role of trouble- 
making Neely Capshaw on 
Baywatch and recently re- 
prised her role for a made- 
for-TV reunion mo 

she says 
If I wasn't 
iend, I was 
g the pot.” So how does 
the Queen of the Jungle blow 
off steam otherwise? “T 
c crocheter,” she confess- 
Гуе crocheted afghans 
that could cover up a whole 
living room. It’s a little nerdy, 
but that's all right. C'mon, 
I'm giving to the world—I'm 
giving a whole lot of scarves!” 
Battle on, Sheena. 
HAIR AND MAKEUP BY ALEXIS VOGEL 


STYLING BY LANE W. 
СЕНА LEE IS WILD AT CYBER PLAYBOYCOM. 


it’s a jungle out there and this queen rules 


Issued in 1953, the 3D version of Sheena 
(left) morked the end of the trail for the jun- 
gle queen's comic-strip odventures. Her leg- 
end lived on in o Fifties TV series starring 
Irish McCalla (below). Todoy, Sheena is am- 
ply embodied by Geno Lee Nolin (bottom) 


ONG BEFORE the warrior prin- 

cess Xena, there was the jungle 
— queen Sheena. Originally con- 
ceived by Jerry Iger and drawn by 
one of his top artists, Mort Meskin, 
the felicitously feral comic-strip her 
oine made her first appearance in 
1937 in a European tabloid called 
Wags. Relying only on a knife and 
her wits to defend her unspoiled 
African turf against villains who 
ranged from ruthless game poach- 
ers to sadistic Nazis, the blonde 
Tarzan swung into the hearts and 
minds of American boys the follow- 
ing year, when she appeared in the 
first issue of Jumbo Comics 

By 1942 Sheena had become pop- 
ular enough to have her own title, 
the first female comic-book charac- 
ter to earn that distinction. In 1954 
she made the leap to TV. Her scant 
leopard-print costume was filled by 
statuesque blonde Irish McCalla, a 
model from Nebraska who posed 
for renowned pin-up artist Alberto 
Vargas. Airing for two seasons, the 
TV series was faithful to the comic 
strip, with Sheena frequently called 
on to rescue her bungling trader 
friend, Bob Reynolds, played by 
Christian Drake. 

Sheena went into hibernation for 
almost three decades, until Colum- 
bia Pictures revived her as a starring 
vehicle for Tanya Roberts in the 
1984 feature film Sheena. Using a ze- 
bra as her primary mode of trans- 
port, the cinematic Sheena was able 
to communicate telepathically with 
the creatures of the jungle. 

Although the film adaptation of 
Sheena's adventures was savaged 
by critics, a syndicated TV series 
launched by Columbia TriStar in 
the fall of 2000 has proved that leg- 
endary jungle queens never die— 
they swing right back into action. In 
her latest incarnation, Sheena is por- 
trayed by former Baywatch beauty 
Gena Lee Nolin, The new Sheena 
doesn't merely communicate with 
the animals; she has the power to 
transform herself into one, making 
her, in our minds, a real 21st centu- 
ry fox. Having survived a full season 
of adventures, as well as the ratings 
jungle, Sheena by Gena may prove to 
be the fittest queen of them all 


ES dm‏ محص 


“That does it! It's ihe last time we smoke this shit!” 


169 


WILL SMITH (continued from page 72) 


Back then I thought, How can I make a rap album 
after they've seen me kissing this while dude? 


have chosen to live my life. Instead, Lam 
just caught up in the drug that is the 
world of moviemaking. 

PLAYBOY: When you won your Grammy, 


you made a lot of money, blew most of 


itand got into trouble with the 1RS. 
What was the craziest thing you did 
with money? 

SMITH: 1 had six vehicles, and a garage 
that held one. Cars and trucks and mo- 
torcycles were parked everyplace. Then 
it got to the point where I was so broke 
1 had to ride my motorcycle because 1 
couldn't buy gas. It was that bad. 
PLAYBOY: Were your parents all over you 
for that? 

SMITH: Not really, because by that point, 1 
had already been successful. My father 
always said, “If all this stuff goes south, 
you can still come back to the icehouse." 
PLAYBOY: Did you change your ways, or 
did the TV series just give you more mon- 
ey to spend? 

SMITH: Having money and going broke is 
different from being broke. Being broke 
is light years better than going broke 
When you are already broke, there is al- 
ways the feeling that everything would 
be great if you had money. Going broke, 
you have to deal with the notion that you 
had all of that, and this is what you did 
with it. It makes you evaluate who you 
are and what you have done and the 
choices you've made in your life. But ad- 
versity inspires me. There is a sick part 
of me that likes to react to adversity: 
PLAYBOY: A lot of the Ali film is about his 
spiritual journey, his decision to become 
a Muslim. You grew up Catholic and 
you thought the nuns and 
priests in Catholic schools were a bit 
racist, and that organized religion was a 
little cloudy to you. Are you a religious 
man now? 

SMITH: 1 don't have a relationship with 
God through other people. My relation- 
ship with God is between me and God. I 
went to a Catholic school and one of ıhe 
nuns called me a nigger. I couldn't be- 
lieve it. I was like, Wow, how did God put 
her in charge? 

PLAYBOY: How did you deal with such an 
insult from an authority figure when you 
were that young? 

SMITH: At that point in my life, 1 had 
been called nigger enough times that the 
word didn't hurt. It was just the shock 
that it came from a nun. Ouch. My 
grandmother and my mother were Bap- 
tists, so I had another experience with 
God that was separate from my experi- 
ence at school. My grandmother really 
was my conduit to God. I measured the 
beauty and strength of God through my 


grandmother. Because that nun wasn't 
my central contact with God, it wasn't 
devastating, but it was harsh. She's wear- 
ing the old habit and all, and I'm like, 
C'mon, at least be in plain clothes when 
you say something like that. That was 
brutal. 

PLAYBOY: If your son tells you at 18 that 
he's bypassing college to go into rap, 
what will you say? 

SMITH: All you can offer your children is 
knowledge, discipline and love, and that 
is all I'm going to try to do. 1 don't feel 
1 own my children. They are their own 
people, the way that 1 am my own per- 
son. It is actually worse to never take a 
gamble that you feel positive about than 
losing everything on the gamble. Taking 
your shot and missing is a much better 
life than never taking your shot. 
PLAYBOY: You got married early, had a 
son, then got divorced. What was hard- 
est about that? 

SMITH: To me, divorce is losing. and I 
don't lose. That is how I approach any 
situation. I am not going to lose. Not on- 
ly am I going to win, 1 am going to win 
bigger than anyone has ever won. If you 
have been successful, apply that same 
concept to everything you want to be 


successful in. The divorce was tough be- 
cause I was just about 10 discover that. I 
got married right when 1 started Six De- 
grees, and that was the most lost 1 have 
ever felt in a role, so she didn't really 
know who she married. It was a really 
tough time in my career, and my mar- 
riage was the casualty of my achieving 
that higher level of expertise in my craft. 
PLAYBOY: Then you fell in love with and 
married Jada Pinkett. What are you do- 
ing differently now? 

SMITH: The most important thing is to be 
on the same page with the other person. 
Jada and I are 85 percent on the same 
page, so the time we spend together is 
working on that other 15 percent. There 
are a lot of people who start at 40 per- 
cent. Jada and 1 rarely argue. 

PLAYBOY: Movie star couples have heen 
falling by the wayside recently, wheth- 
er it's Tom and Nicole, Alec and Kim or 
Jennifer and Puffy. Is it harder being 
with a star who has a high level of inse- 
curity and needing approval? 

SMITH: The difficulty 15 sifting through 
your life to a central concept, where 
everything starts from. Jada and I have 
agreed on this basic concept: You don't 
say anything that is not the truth, peri- 
od. Nothing comes out of your mouth 
that is candy-coated or aimed to protect 
the other person. 

PLAYBOY: For many, that would seem a 
shortcut to divorce. 

SMITH: We both believe you cannot be suc- 
cessful otherwise, so we agreed on that 
basic concept. If 1 ask you a question, 1 


wp = 


PLAYBOY 


172 


want to know the truth, uncut, unadul- 
terated. If we both accept that, then we 
can accelerate our conversation and the 
movement of the relationship. Other 
people might get caught up in the ques- 
tion, “Honey, how does this dress 
look?” Don't make it complicated. Tell 
the truth. 

PLAYBOY: That 


probably easier to an- 
swer if your wife looks like Jada Pinkett 

SMITH: No. Even on her, sometimes the 
dress looks wack. 1 don't say anything 
to my friends that I wouldn't say to my 
wife. If 1 look at a woman, I might say. 
“Man, she has a big ass.” І say that to 
my friends and I say it to my wife, just 
like that. That is who I am. Ifa person 
doesn't want to be around you, let him 
or her make a decision not to be around 
you based on who you are. 

PLAYBOY: Did the two of you sign a pre- 
nuptial agreement? 

SMITH: No. I don't even like the concept 
ofa prenup. The idea is that this is going 
to work out and we're going to be to- 


gether forever. I am the type of guy who 
doesn't have a plan B because plan В dis- 
tracts from plan A. I also feel that if plan 
Ais good enough, then the place you fall 
when you miss on plan Ais great. 
PLAYBOY: You once sent a truckload of 
flowers to Jada. What was your most 
overt romantic move to woo a woman? 
SMITH: I got her pregnant. Nah, I like to 
do stuff. On Jada Thad а 
Latin quartet wake her up, playing out- 
side of the bedroom at six о’ clock in the 
morning. She had to be at work at seven, 
so I took care of the wake-up call. This 
Latin band serenaded her with Mi Amor 
in the front of the house, then I escorted 
her to her birthday present. 

PLAYBOY: What was her birthday present? 
SMITH: A Ferrari 456. 

PLAYBOY: Now that's romantic. 

SMITH: Well, you know, I am the roman- 
tic type. You start with the romance and 
then you bang them with the heat. 


"What do you say we skip the turkey and move right 
lo the stuffing?" 


Strange Bedfellows 


(continued from page 74) 
clue. In fact, the ineptitude of politi- 
cians who order off the menu has made 
the history of sex in Washington the fin- 
est body of farce ever written on these 
shores. 

Farce? Certainly. Of course, this 
to say there aren't tragic elements to the 
tales. The mystery of Chandra Levy's 
whereabouts is hardly a joking matter. 
The specter of Bill Clinton, the most po- 
litically capable president in half a cen- 
tury, squandering his gifts on evasions 
was a lamentable sight. But let's look on 
the bright side. Let's try to remember 
the laughter. 

Take the story of old Wayne Hays, the 
mean and cantankerous congressional 
baron who kept on his staff the buxom 
blonde Elizabeth Ray solely to be a re 
ceptacle for his urges ("I can't even an- 
swer the phone!” she said). When does 
she blow the whistle? When he gets mar- 
ried. Not because he doesn't marry her, 
but because he doesn't invite her to the 
ceremony. "It looks bad that Гм not 
invited,” she says, suddenly concerned 
about her image. Now, that's funny. 

Then there's the story of Ken Calvert, 
a California congressman who police 
caught naked in his car while engaged in 
a sex act with a prostitute. What was his 
first response? To try to flee. It gets bet- 
ter: After five months of stonewalling, 
Calvert defends himself by saying that 
he didn’t know the woman was a pros- 
titute. Who did he think she was? The 
school crossing guard? 

We have not scratched the surface 
Think of what a great farceur would do 
with the flash of flop sweat felt by the 
Bible-thumping. born-again Christian 
Congressman Jon Hinson the instant he 
realized the gay porno theater he had 
slipped into had caught fire, and he now 
faced the choice of burning to death or 
fleeing into a phalanx of Action News 
cameramen. Or think of the anus-puck- 
ering moment Congressman Mel Rey- 
nolds experienced as he sat in a court- 
room listening to a tape on which a 
16-year-old girl he'd been having sex 
with promised to introduce him to a 
Catholic schoolgirl she knew. Mel heard 
himself gleefully exclaim, “Jesus, a Cath- 
ойс! I win the Lotto?" Or remember 
self-serving Bob Packwood, one of the 
supposed solons of the Senate, called to 
account for the 20 years of incessant 
tongue-slipping, bottom-squeezing, tit- 
cupping harassment of aides, lobbyists 
and elevator operators, His best move? 
He hastily rerecorded portions of his 
massive oral diary to change his image 
One altered entry veered from damag- 
ing information on his accusers to ойег- 
ing this thought: “I really am kind of 
looking forward to settling in and work- 
ing hard in the Senate and voting for 
what's good for America and leaving a 


Шааны THE HOUSE OF MENTHOL) КО 


92001 BRW T Co. 


Box Kings, 16 mg. “tar”, 1.2 mg. псоцавамрегощагеще by 
FIC method. Actual deliveries will vary азе on OW YOU fold 
and smoke your cigarette. For more product information, visit 
our website at www. broWnandwilliamson.com 


SURGEON GENERAL'S WARNING: Smoking 
Causes Lung Cancer, Heart Disease, 
Emphysema, And May Complicate Pregnancy. 


174 


WIRED 

Page 32: Stereo equipment: 
By Outlaw Audio, outlawau 
dio.com. By Hsu Research, 
hsuresearch.com. By Belter 
Cables, bettercables.com. 
Technology from IBM, 
ibm.com. “Game of the 
Month”: From Konami, 650- 
654-5600. From Capcom, 
408-774-0400. 


MANTRACK 

Pages 43-44: Vatulele Island 
Resort, 800-828-9146. Duluth Trading, 800- 
505-8888. Chrysler, daimlerchrysler.com. 
Ski boot from KDR Business Resource Gen- 
ter, kdr-usa.com. Glasswear by Orrefors, 
orrefors.com. 


CHRISTMAS GIFTS 

Pages 90-93: Liquor, at liquor stores па- 
tionwide. DVD changer by Kenwood, 800- 
536-9663. DVD movies: From Fox Home 
Entertainment, foxhome.com. From Colum- 
bia Tristar, cthe.com. Watch by TAG Heuer, 
from LYMH, 800-321-4832. Books from 
Schiffer Publishing, schifferbooks.com. 
Glass. shaker and toothpick holder from 
Christofle, 877-728-4556. Cell phone and 
PDA by Motorola, 800-331-6456. Paintball 
gun from Pro Team, proteamdirect.com. 
Radio by Sony, 800-299-7669. Ties from 
Littlegrasshack, littlegrasshack.com. Bike 
from Limn, 415-543-5466. Camera by Ку- 
осета Optics, yashica.com. TV by Bang € 
Olufsen, 847-299-9380. Trolley, safari bag 
and walking stick from Mulholland Broth- 
ers, mulhollandbrothers.com. Cigars from 
J.R. Cigars, 800-572-4427. Espresso ma- 
chine by Capresso, 800-767-3554. Skate- 
board by BMW, 888-269-6654. Money 
clip and credit card holder, cuff links and 
flask by John Hardy Collection, from View- 
Point Showrooms, 800-237-9477. Knife by 
William Henry, williamhenryknives.com. 
Radio by Тас America, teac.com. 


TECH TREK 

Page 98: Ron Chereskin, chereskin.com. Co- 
Iumbia Sportswear, columbia.com. Boss 
Hugo Bass, 800-HUGO-BOSS. Joseph Abboud, 


212-586-9140. Valentini, at 
Bergdorf Goodman, 212- 
753-7300. Trend Corneliani, 
800-229-9477. Page 99: Ei- 
der, at Paragon Sporting 
Goods, 212-255-8036. Ben- 
etton, benetton.com. Killy, at 
Scandinavian Ski and Sport 
Shop, 800-SCANSKI. Spyder, 
spyder.com. Salomon, salo 
monoutdoor.com. Weather- 
proof. 631-273-8020. Page 
100: Boss Hugo Boss, 800- 
HUGO-BOSS. Ron Chereskin, 
chereskin.com. Benetton, benetton.com. 
Salomon, salomonoutdoor.com. Ecko Func- 
tion, ecko.com. Loro Piana, Brioni, Weber 
and Valentini, all at Bergdorf Goodman, 
212-753-7300. Columbia Sportswear, colum. 
bia.com. CAT, catfootwear.com. Moncler, 
011-354-551-1121. Eggert, at Scandina- 
мап Ski and Sport Shop, 800-scanskt. 
Page 101: Bill Blass, 212-581-8270. SBU, at 
Bergdorf Goodman, 212-753-7300. А.В.5., 
absstyle.com. Charles and Colvard Created 
Moissanite, moissanite.com. Phat Farm, 
212-533-7428. Page 102: Thierry Mugler, 
thierrymugler.com. Stuart Weitzman, stuart 
weitzman.com. Christian Dior, 800-929- 
DIOR. Spyder, spyder.com. Killy, at Scandi- 
navian Ski and Sport Shop, 800-SCANSKI. 
Page 103: Manolo Couture New York, 718- 
246-4689. Giuseppe Zanotti. at Neiman 
Marcus, 888-888-4757. Columbia Sports- 
wear, columbia.com. Daiwa, 562-802-9589. 


PRECIOUS METAL 

Pages 150-153: Saleen, saleen.com. Fer- 
тап, ferrariusa com. Porsche, porsche.com. 
Pagani Zonda, modena-design.it. Bugatti, 
bugatti-cars.de. Lamborghini, lamborghi 
ni.com. 


ON THE SCENE 

Page 211: Weather station from Davis 
Instruments, 800-678-3669. PDA and cell 
phone by Samsung, 800-726-7864. En- 
ergy drinks: Hype, hype.com. Hansen's 
Energy, hansensenergy.com. TV by Pana- 
sonic, 800-211-7262. Champagne and 
bucket by Pommery, pommery.com. Top 
and thong by Playboy, playboystore.com. 


Shanavanı CRYSTAL BIKINI TOP ADRIANI, ITALY. PRODUCER MARILYN GRABOWANI 


legacy everyone can be proud of, if 1 can 
get this ethics matter behind me.” Stop it 
man, you're killing me! 

And of course, there's the great Slick 
Willie Clinton and Electra-Lux Lewinsky 
drawing-room comedy. At nine years in 
the running, it's the Cats of political sex 
scandals. Did Moliére ever write a line 
as exquisite as “It depends on what the 
meaning of the word ‘is’ is”? Then came 
the solemn reaction of the statesmen 
who argued with furrowed brows over 
whether the president's utterance was 
brilliant or a blunder, when all it ought 
to have done was unleash a great nation- 
al surge of pants wetting. Oscar Wilde 
wouldn't even have had the nerve to 
stage the ensuing development where a 
full six-pack of the president's steeliest 
spittle-spewing pursuers—Newt Ging- 
rich, Henry Hyde, Robert Livingston, 
Dan Burton, Bob Barr and Helen Cheno- 
weth—were revealed to have enjoyed 
extramarital hoedowns of their own. 

Since 1976, when Wayne Hays got his 
comeuppance, there have been, by un- 
official count, 35 Washington sex scan- 
dals, about one every eight months. Wil- 
bur Mills and the Argentine Firecracker, 
Clarence Thomas and Long Dong Silver, 
Chuck Robb and his back rubs. They 
and ıheir many tumescent colleagues 
were merely following in the footsteps of 
our greatest—and cheesiest—leaders. It 
is the American way. Remember, during 
World War II the White House was oc- 
cupied by Franklin Roosevelt and his 
live-in girlfriends, and his wife Eleanor 
with her in-house gal pals. Yet the nation 
presided over by this unorthodox crew 
whupped the mighty nation presided 
over by that sexually ascetic, woman-hat- 
ing nut job Hitler. This may not earn us 
a laurel crown, but it has the virtue of be- 
ing a fact. People haven't changed, but 
our reactions have. In June 1844, Presi- 
dent John Tyler, a 54-year-old widower, 
married 23-year-old Julia Cardiner, de- 
scribed as “raven-haired, with a radiant 
complexion, an hourglass waist and a 
full bust.” Although he faced reelection 
in November and had a country to run, 
Tyler devoted a lot of attention to his new 
bride. The conflicts became too much for 
‘Tyler and he decided not to run. He and 
Julia went back to Virginia and banged 
‘away, producing seven children, the last 
of which he sired when he was 68. 

John F. Kennedy—the Minuteman— 
barely concealed his raucous sex life, 
and the media turned a blind eye, think- 
ing it did not matter. Surely that was a 
mistake. Now the media routinely focus 
on sex lives, acting almost as if that was 
all chat mattered. Reporters had the gall 
to ask George W. Bush if he'd ever com- 
mitted adultery, as if it had an impact on 
how he'd handle the issues. Surely we 
ought to be able to think of a better way. 
Until then, we'll just keep laughing. 


Introducing OUR NEWEST EXPRESSION, 
THE GLENLIVET French Oak Finish, UNIQUELY FINISHED 


ın French Limousin Oak, RENOWNED FOR BRINGING 


flavor TO FINE WINES AND COGNACS. 


THE Place. THE GLENLIVET. 


Te 
LEN Uys: 


ENJOY OUR QUALITY RESPONSIBLY ©4001 Imported by The Glenlivet Distilling Co., 
11 Year Old Single Malt Scorch Whisky, Ale 42% by Vol. [Bo Proof). The Glenli 


www. the 


0 


PLAYBOY 


176 


ШШ «continue fom page 130 


“I's a confusing time,” Darcy said. “Election years 
always are. Are you going lo kiss me?” 


golden thread between us had snapped. 
How had this happened? I threw open 
the window and bellowed: "Why do 1 
feel like I've been taken advantage of?” 
Darcy looked up. Her face shone be- 
hind the dark pane. Just before she 
laughed, her mouth pulled down slight- 
ly at the corners, which suggested, even 
in the midst of her gaiety, an irrevoca- 
ble sadness. I was certain, gazing down 
through the soft tiers of snow, the smell of 
her rising up from my beard, that this 
sadness could be undone. This was my 
bright idea. I was, after all, a good liberal. 


But then Darcy disappeared and J was 
left to moon liberally through the long 
white weekend, during which 1 spoke 
and ate and fucked dispiritedly with the 
woman I was dating, a good woman, 


with earnest rings of hair and a powerful 
devotion to social justice. 

1 called Darcy at the office and lis- 
tened to her outgoing message, its crisp, 
chirpy tones making me feel renounced, 
and left two excruciatingly casual mes- 
sages. By week two, my heart had dith- 
ered into a boyish panic. 1 left a final 
message on her machine telling her that 
1 didn't understand what was going on 
but that 1 was hurt and confused and felt 
something had been betrayed, the feel- 
ings that had passed between us, that 
these feelings felt real to me and that 
they didn't come along very often and 
shouldn't be squandered, and that if she 
felt any of these same things, even un- 
steadily, she owed it to herself, as well as 
just to common decency, to call me back. 

What was this thing between us, any- 
way? Just some jungle fever of the low 


“How wonderful it is! I give little girls presents and when 
they grow up they give me presents.” 


political stripe? Who was Darcy Hicks, 
anyway? Maybe this was her secret fe- 
tish: sexing up the left and reporting the 
details to her Republican overlords. 
and on I went, the florid improvisations 
of the wounded heart. 

And then, just as this clatter was sub- 
siding, I saw her again. On C-Span. She 
stood at the edge of the frame as John 
McCain—fresh off his win in New Hamp- 
shire—rallied the troops in an lowa 
VFW hall. Darcy kept drifting in and out 
of the picture. She was wearing a red 
dress and smiling desperately. McCain 
told the crowd he'd come to Elk Horn 
for one purpose: to discuss the plight of 
the small family farm and the need for 
renewed agricultural subsidies. 


The phone rang. It was late, one in 
the morning on a Tuesday. 

“What's your address again?" Darcy 
said. 

I wanted to say something caustic and 
clever, but adrenaline had flushed my 
chest, and all the words that 1 had mar- 
shaled in my rehearsals for this moment 
seemed stingy and beside the point. 

The line crackled. “Billy? Hurry up! 
My battery's going dead." 

“Where are you?" 

“That's what I'm asking you. Oh!" Dar- 
cy squealed, and her phone began to 
cut out, 1 could only hear her voice in 
snatches, urgent little phonemes: Lime, 
get, numb —. The line went dead. 

‘Twenty minutes later, my buzzer rang. 
Darcy burst into my apartment. She was 
flushed, her lipstick was off-kilter. A pur- 
ple fleece hat sat goofily on her head. 
She threw her arms around me and bur- 
rowed her cold cheeks into my neck. A 
noise of pleasure came from her throat, 
as if she were settling into a hot bath. 

“Aren't you glad to see me?” she 
murmured. 

1 stood there trying not to relent. 

“I'm just back in town,” Darcy went 
on. “I was in lowa. Trent sent me out 
on subsidies and ethanol production, 
and John, John McCain, he used one 
of my workups in his stump. And then 
he asked me—or Roger, hi: 
asked me to do advance wor! 
Carolina! Can you believe it? You have to 
meet John in person to get the whole 
picture. But those five years in Vietnam, 
1 mean, he just cuts through all the bull- 
shit. The man radiates charisma.” 

1 found myself (rather unattractively) 
wishing to torture Senator John McCain. 

Darcy pulled her hat off and her hair 
fell in a tangle. 

“Are you proud of me?" she said. 

“Pm a little confused, actually.” 

“Well a confusing time,” Darcy 
said breezily. "Election years always are. 
Aren't you going to kiss me? I know 
you're glad to see me.” She nodded ever 
so slightly at my erection. 

I tried to look indignant. "I left 


FIRST TIME DN DVD 
А 2-DISC SET 
DIGITALLY RESTORED 


NEWLY REMASTERED 
IMAGES AND SOUND 


EXCITING NEW SPECIAL 
EFFECTS SHOTS 


OVER 2 HOURS OF 
BRAND-NEW EXCLUSIVE 
SPECIAL FEATURES ON DVD 


* GROUP COMMENTARY by director 
Robert Wise, special photographic effects 
director Douglas Trumbull, special 
photographic effects supervisor John Dykstra, 
music composer Jerry Goldsmith and actor 
Stephen Collins 

+ TEXT COMMENTARY by Michael Okuda, 
co-author The Star Trek’ Encyclopedia 

+ 3 BRAND-NEW DOCUMENTARIES 
Including new cast & crew interviews 

* 3 TRAILERS 

е 8 TELEVISION COMMERCIALS 

+ 5 ADDITIONAL SCENES 

+ 11 DELETED SCENES 

+ STORYBOARD ARCHIVE 

* NEW STAR TREK " SERIES 
ENTERPRISE PROMO SPOT 


BUY IT NDVEMBER BTH 
UN DVD DR VHS 


ALL STAR TREK MOVIES FINALLY AVAILABLE ON DVD ANO VHS. 


amazoncom. 


Visit us at www.paramount.com/homevideo 
www.startrek.com 


PLAYBOY 


messages for you.” 

“1 know I should have called. I'm sor- 
ry. Don't be mad at me. There was a lot 
going on. Not just lowa. There were oth- 
er things.” She slipped her hands inside 

and touched my ribs. “Are 
you cold, baby? You've got goose bumps 
Can we lie down? I'm so tired. I've been 
thinking about lying down with you.” 

1 was sore with the need for Darcy. But 
I didn't like the way I'd been feeling, 
and I distrusted this erotic lobbying. 

“What other things?” I said. 

“I'm a loyal person. What Гуе been 
doing has been for us, OK? Just trust 
me, Billy. Don't you want to trust me?” 

"Yeah. I mean, I want —" 

“Then do. Just do. Quit asking ques- 
tions and kiss me.” 

“I just want to know 
what we are.” 

Darcy let outa little 
shrick of frustration. 
“Would you stop be- 
ing so literal? This is a 
love affair, Billy. OK? 
Withstand a little 
doubt. I'm the one 
who's taking the risk 
here.” 

“Meaning what 

“Stop being naive. 
The woman always 
loses power in a sexu- 
al relationship. 

“Not always,” I said. 

Darcy sighed. She 
took her hands off me 
and stepped back. “I 
just flew four hours 
with a goddamn baby 
howling in my ear. I 
haven't slept for more 
than three hours in 
the past two days. I'm 
expected to show up 
to work tomorrow, 


The award-winning PASSPORT 8500 


I relished the act, which I considered 
to be what Joe Lieberman would have 
termed, in his phlegmy rabbinical tone, 
a mitzvah. It required certain sacrific- 
es. The deprivation of oxygen, to begin 
with. A certain ridiculousness of posture; 
cramping in the lower extremities. One 
had to engage with the process. There 
were no quick fixes. 

This was especially true in Darcy's 
case. She was scandalized by the intensi- 
ty of her desire, and highly aroused by 
this scandal. But the going was slow. If I 
told her “1 want to kiss you there,” she 
would grow flustered and glance about 
helplessly. Just act, was her point. Ditch 
all the soppy acknowledgment, the 
naming of things in the dark. The word 


“World's Best” 


-RadarTest.com 


щ 


This veas, spoil your favorite driver or саг enthusiasts on your list with the “World's 
Best" radar and laser detector. The award-winning Passport 8500 has set new standards 
in the industry by winning every independent radar detector test conducted this year. We 


guarantee they'll love it or your money-back. Order now and 
we'll extend the 30-day test-drive until February 1. 2002! => 


Call Toll-Free 


1-800-852-6258 


ost a reception for | Jar ding biting 200 
Jack Fucking Kemp. 1 | прило 


don't do this. I don't 
come over to men's 
houses. But I'm here, 
Billy. Do you understand? I am here 
Now take me in your arms and do some- 
thing, or l'm going home right now." 


What Darcy enjoyed most was a good 
lathering between the thighs. As a life~ 
long liberal, this was a specialty of mine. 
In some obscure but plausible fashion, 
I viewed the general neglect of the re- 
gion as a bedrock of conservatism. The 
female sex was, in political terms, the 
equivalent of the inner city: a dark and 
mysterious zone, vilified by the power- 
ful, derided as incapable of self-improve- 
ment, entrenched and smelly. Going 
down on a woman was a dirty business, 
humiliating, potentially infectious, best 


178 delegated to the sensitivos of the Left. 


bord, end отрыв immunity to VE 


> Department 400701 


pussy made her wince. (А tainted word, 
I admit, but one | employed with ut- 
most fondness and in the spirit of fond 
excitements.) 

I kissed my way down her body—the 
damp undersides of her breasts, her 
bumpy sternum, the belly she lamented 
not ridding herself of. Always. I could 
feel the tendons of her groin tensing. I 
nipped at them occasionally. 

She perfumed herself elaborately, 
which meant withstanding an initial as- 
tringency, alter which she tasted won- 
derful, strongly of herself, the brackish 
bouquet of her insides. I was careful not 
to linger in any one spot but to explore 
the entire intricate topography, the 
nerves flushed with blood and tingling 
mysteriously, while Darcy pressed her- 


~SpeedZones.com 


“Gets the nod in 
high-end detectors" 


- MotorTrend.com 


PASSPORT 
8500 


Plus shipping and handlung 
ОН residents xd 5 


Money-Back Guarantee 
sew escortradatrcom 


5440 West Chester Road = West Chester OH 45069 < = = 


self back on the pillows and turned to 
face the wall and murmured the blessed 
nonsensical approvals of climax 


By March, Darcy was traveling nearly 
every week. She was unofficially on loan 
‘ain campaign, which was full 
of reformist spunk but foundering in the 
polls. 1 expected Darcy to be devastated 
by the results of Super Tuesday, which 
all but assured Bush the nomination 
But she emerged from her flight (a red- 
eye out of Atlanta) beaming. 

“Kenny O'Brien talked to Roger about 

me. He wants me to do advance work for 
Dubya! Isn't that amazing!” 
My reaction to this news was compli- 
cated. I was thrilled 
and impressed. Darcy 
was making a name 
for herself. But this 
would mean more 
travel for her, more 
prestige, more action, 
while I remained in 
D.C., plinking out 
obscure proposals on 
how to reduce recidi- 
vism, stewing over 
whether to vote for 
the Android or thc 
Spoiler. And missing 
her. 

Beyond envy, I felt 
genuinely unsettled 
Darcy had been a ra- 
bid McCain support- 
er—one of his true 
believers. She had de- 
rided Bush as a semi 
pro, a lollygagger. It 
was hard for me to 
fathom how she could 
now throw her sup- 
port behind him 

“We fought the 
good fight,” Darey as- 
sured me. “The is 
that we managed to 
push finance reform 
onto the agenda.” 

“You really think 
Shrub is going to do anything on that?” 1 
said. “The guy raised $50 million before 
he even announced.” 

Darcy frowned. "Don't be so cynical,” 
she said. “Have a little faith, for a change.” 


of the litter” 


SmartCord 
«ТЕТІ 


$299" 


sales tax 


Holiday 


Winter limped into April and we bare- 
ly noticed. The dirty slush glittered and 
the gutters lay ripe with magic. And 
then, one day in early May, the cherry 
blossoms reemerged along Pennsylvania 
and I turned 27. Darcy organized a cele- 
bration at a tapas bar on Foxhall Road, 
one of those places where the waiters are 
obliged to enforce a spirit of merriment 
by squirting rioja from botas 
mouths of particularly valued diners. 

Darcy considered the evening to be a 


triumph, and I hoped she was right. My 
friends were a glum and brainy lot, non- 
profit warriors and outreach workers. 
They could see how smitten I was and 
spoke to Darcy with elaborate courtesy. 
But to them, she must have appeared no 
different from the hundreds of other 
GOP tootsies cruising the capital in their 
jaunty hair ribbons. 

1 met Darcy's 
friends the follow- 
ing week, at a lun- 
cheon that was held 
in the executive din- 
ing room, on the 
second floor of the 
fund's stately colo- 
nial. The тайге d° 
grimaced politely 
at my sweater. He 
whisked into the 
cloakroom and re- 
appeared with an 
elegant camel hair 
sports coat. 

Darcy waved to 
me and smiled, 
which instantly 
snuffed my doubt, 
made me hum a 
silent pledge of alle- 
giance to our love. 
The men at her 
table wore match- 
ing dark-green blaz- 
ers, with an FFT in 
gold script over the 
breast pocket. Dar- 
cy stood out like a 
rose among a stand 
of rhododendrons. 

"A remarkable 
young woman," 
said the gentleman 
on my left, the mo- 
ment she had ex- 
cused herself to the 
bathroom. "You are 
watching a future 
congressman from 
Pennsylvania." 

“Congresswom- 
an,” I said, half to 
myself. 

“Yes,” he an- 
swered, poking at a 
rind of fat on his 
plate. “Darcy men- 
tioned that about 
you.” 

At the brief re- 
ception after lunch, 
while the higher- 
ups clustered about Will, Darcy intro- 
duced me to her mentor. Trent was a 
thick blond fellow with the most mar- 
velous teeth I had ever seen. “This your 
special friend, Hicks?” Trent said. “Good 
to meet you." 

“Bill,” I said. 

Good to meet you, Bill.” 
He gripped my hand and held it for a 


few beats. It occurred to me that Trent 
had served in the armed forces, possibly 
all four of them. 

“Darcy tells me you have done some 
work for Bradley.” 

“Not really. A little volunteering.” 

“A good man,” Trent said. “Principled. 
Shame he got ambushed by Gore. Not 


Tonight you will be visited 
by three spirits... 


Ignore the other two. 


No Scrooge when it comes to rich taste, 


CANADIAN 


‚MIST 


www.canadianmist.com 
Please enjoy Canadian Mist responsibly. 


Imported and Вошей by Brown-Forman Beverages Worldwide, Canadian Whisky, A Blend, 40% Ak. by Volume. Louisville, KY ©2001 


Canadian Mist is a registered trademark. 


surprising, particularly, but a sham 
What're your plans for the election, В 

“ГИ probably be sitting this one out,” 
I said. 

‘Trent barked. “How long you been in 
the District, Bill? No such thing.” He 
winked and drew Darcy against him. “You 
watch this one, Bill. She's going places.” 

Darcy blushed. 


Canadian Mist is a deliciously easy-drinking 
whisky like no other. Great on its own or 
with your favorite mixer, it's the only whisky 
‘you'll need for all your holidoy get-togethers. 
This season, savor the spirit of holiday 


present...smooth, mellow Canadian Mist. 


“You take care of her,” Trent said. 

“Darcy does a pretty good job of tak- 
ing care of herself.” 

Trent dragged his knuckles across his 
chin and shot me a look of such naked 
disdain that I took a step backward. 
Then he wrapped Darcy in a bear hug, 
gave her a kiss on the brow and wished 

me well. 


"He just seemed 
a little aggressive,” I 
said to Darcy later, 
in her office. 

“Nonsense. He's 
just protective. 

“You know him 
better than me.” 

“Wait a second.” 
Darcy's eyes—they 
were steel bluc— 
flickered with her 
triumph. "You're 
jealous!” 

“The guy was all 
over you. And the 
way he behaved to- 
ward me——" 

“He wasn't all 
over me. He was be- 
ing affectionate.” 

“Oh, is that what 
they're calling it 
these days?” 

Darcy began to 
laugh. She’d had 
three cups of punch 
and was still flying. 
I listened to her 
gleeful hiccups and 
watched the chan- 
delier glint in the 
foyer. “Trent's LC,” 
she said finally. 
“Log Cabin, Billy. 
He's gay.” 

She began laugh- 

ing again. 
Trent the Gay Re- 
publican? “He must 
be thrilled with 
Shrub's support of 
the sodomy laws in 
Texas.” 

“There you go 
again,” Darcy said, 
imitating Reagan. 
“Judging people. 
And here | thought 
you enlightened lib- 
erals didn't judge 
people.” 


Darcy traveled throughout spring 
and into summer, and this lent to our re- 
lations an infatuated rhythm. My heart 
beat lly as 1 waited for her plane to 
land. This was not her beauty acting up- 
on me, the glamour of her ambitions, 


even the promise of sex, but the sense of 179 


PLAYBOY 


180 


BE THE CENTER OF ATTENTION.Y 


zon Playboy 


Rhinestone Navel Ring 
Gilt-boxed. Imported. 
NK7356 $25 


Denim Bra and Thong Set 
Cotton/LYCRA* spandex. 
Imported. One size. 
NK6497 Black $38 
NK6499 Blue $38 


ORDER ONLINE 
www.playboystore.com 
ORDER TOLL-FREE 
800-423-9494 Most major credit 
cards accep: led. Source Code 
02211. ORDER BY MAIL Include 
credit card aceount number and 
expiration dale or send check or 
money order to Playboy, Р.О. Box 
808. Source Code 02311, Itasca. 
Minois 60143-0809. Ааа $4.00 
shipping and handling charge 
per tolal order, Illinois residents 
include 6.75% sales tax. Canadian 
orders accepted, (Please visit cur 
website for other foreign orders.) 


We've racked up 


another sexy 
collection of 


ke Schoot 001006 Girls! 


with the 


ONLINE 
Bone ployboystore.com 
ÖNDERTOLL-FREE 
01 4234404 Most major 
credit cards accepted, 
Source Code 02312. 
RIDER BY MAIL Include 
'Crodit card account num- 
ber and expiration date or 
Send check or money order 


53.50 shipping and han- 
ding charge per total order. 
Minois residents include 
87556 saes tax. Canadian 
Orders accepted. [Please 

Visit our website for other 

foreign orders) 


good intention she radiated, a kind- 
heartedness measured in the drowsy 
hours before she could assemble her pub- 
lic self. This was my favorite time: Darcy 
in the shades of dawn, warm with sleep, 
her hair scattered across the pillow. 

There was an case to her domestic 
rituals, the way she snipped out cou- 
pons (which she would never use) and 
scrubbed her lonely appliances and lis- 
tened sympathetically to the latest re- 
ports from home. She fretted endlessly 
over what to pack for her trips. "I'm too 
fat for these slacks,” she complained. 
“I'm one big fatass, Billy.” 

This was not true. If anything, Darcy 
was growing slimmer. But these sudden 
bouts of self-doubt were necessary to her 
maintenance. They were vestiges of her 
girlhood, of the awkward striver who 
lived behind the awesome machinery of 
her charm. They were the part of her 
that needed me. 


1 was a fool to watch the Republican 
Convention. But there was an element of 
morbid curiosity at work. I wanted to see 
Jesse Helms reborn as an emissary oftol- 
erance. (What would he wear? A dashi- 
ki?) And besides, I had promised Darcy. 
She was attending as a Bush delegate 
from Pennsylvani 

What has always astounded me about 
the Republican psyche is its capacity for 
shamelessness. Here was the anti-immi- 
gration party parading its little brown 
Ones across the rostrum, the party of 
family values showcasing its finest but- 
toned-down catamites. Here was Big 
Dick Cheney—who had voted against 
funding Head Start as a congressman— 
excoriating Bill Clinton for not doing 
enough to educate oppressed children. 
On and on it went, and nobody explod- 
ed from hypocrisy. 

Darcy called me cach night, giddy 
with the sense of how well it was com- 
ing off. “Did you see me on CNBC?” she 
asked. “Deb Borders interviewed me. 
Did you see Christie Whitman, Billy? 
Wasn't she amazing? OK. Don't answer 
that. I miss you, Billy. Do you miss me? 
Do you?" 

“Of course I do.” 

“Do you love me?” she said suddenly. 

You know I do.” 

“Say it.” 

“1 love you, Darcy.” 

“I love you, Billy. I love you so much." 

“Where are you?” l asked. “Are you in 
your room?" 

“I'm on my bed.” 

And so we progressed, deeper into 
our thrilling disjunction. 


By October, the Bush people had tak- 
en Darcy on full-time. She was living out 
of a suitcase, returning to D.C. with pur- 
ple stains under her eyes, sleeping 12 
hours straight. I took it as my duty to 


MUORE-SEX! 
ALL NEW! Advanced Sexual Techniques Video Series Arouses! 


15 more than pictures and words on a page. More than a clinical E 
approach to sex. Advanced Sexual Techniques Video Series is where 


adventuresome lovers turn to rev up sexual power! 7 of 
10 sex therapists recommend the Better Sex videos as a 
way to expand your sexual talents. To help you 
and your partner perfect your own lovemak 
“% ing, every act and variation is demonstrated 


by real couples in explicit detail 


BETTER SEX! 


Be the Best Lover She's Ever Had! 
Guaranteed. Heres how 


Volume 1: Sexual Positions for Lovers shares positions that SIZZLE, plus stimulating 
variations of some positions you may already enjoy. Volume 2: G-Spot and Multiple 
Orgasms shows you how to score the Ultimate O- time and again- guaranteed! 
Volume 3: And, if you wonder, Can | really do THAT? 10 Secrets to Great Sex answers 
affirmatively with 10 well-kept secrets for intense sexual pleasure 


100% Satisfaction Guaranteed. 


MORE D — l 


2 FREE VIDEOS! 
Advanced Oral Sex Techniques Part 2, our new 
30-minute video, is guaranteed to increase your 
lovemaking pleasure, Great Sex 7 Days A Week shows you 
even more creative ways Lo ignite intense sexual excitement 
Get both videos FREE when you order today! 

All orders shipped within 48 hours in plain packaging. 


The Sinclair Intimacy Institute, Dept 8100, PO Bor 8865, Chapel НИ, NC 27515 това 


FREE Video: Advanced Oral Sex Techniques Part 2 (#2307) | FREE 
И FREE Video: Great Sex 7 Days A Week (#2307) С [FREE 
Vol. 1: Sexual Positions for Lovers (#9383) 19.95 


Multiples and G-Spots (#1786) | 1995 
1995 


С Benk Money Order E check СО мө СО wc C) Avex СО Discover 
> 


Name 
Address 
City State, Zip. 

Card No. Exp. date 
Signature 


Browse our entire video library at www.Bettersex.com 


NC erders please add 6% sales tax Canadian Orders add US $5 shipping w Sorry- по cash or COD 


with credit cards or for a FREE catalog, call 1.800.955.0888 ext.8PB100 24 hours/7days a week. 


181 


PLAYBOY 


offer her refuge in the cause of intimacy. 

And Darcy returned this devotion. 
Even as the campaign drew to an end, she 
came at me in a dizzy operatic spin, rav- 
ished for affection, for a private domain 
in which she could shed the careful bur- 
nishings of her ascent. One evening, as 
we lay flushed on gin, she announced 
that she had a surprise for me and rose 
up on her haunches and slipped off her 
panties and knelt back. All that re- 
mained of her pubic hair was a single 
delicate stripe. 

1 felt touched to the point of tears. 
Here was this miraculous creature, tuck- 
ered beyond words, right here in my 
apartment on the eve of the election, 
flashing me her pubic mohawk. She 
vamped gamely even as her eyelids 
drooped, and licked her lovely incisors 
and urged me forward. How could it 
possibly matter that she opposed gun 
control? 


I called Darcy at 2:42 am. on election 
night. The networks had just issued 
their flop on Florida, and Dan Rather— 
in an apparent caffeine psychosis—was 
urging America to give Dubya a big old 
Texas-size welcome to the White House. 

Darcy was at the Radisson. There 
were whoops in the background and the 
echoes of a bad jazz band 

“Congratulations,” I said. 

“Billy! Oh, you are so sweet!” 

“Well, no one likes a sore loser.” 

“It was so close,” Darcy said. "It's a 
shame anyone had to lose!" 

There was a rush of sound and Darcy 
let out a happy scream. “Stop it! Stop!” 


She came back on the phone. “That was 
Trent” 

“Can you come over?” I said. “I'd like 
to congratulate you in person.” 

Darcy drew in a breath. “I'd love to. 
That would be so nice. But 1 promised 
some people ГА stay here. At least until 
Dubya gives his speech.” 

1 was quiet for a moment. 

“Honey,” she said. “Are you OK? Are 
you mad?” 

1 was maybe a little mad. But I knew 
how hard Darcy had worked for this, 
how much hope she'd pinned on the out- 
come. She had leaped toward the thick 
of the race, bravely, with her arms wide 
open and her pretty little chest exposed, 
while Га thrown up my hands in disgust 
and voted for Nader. 

“No,” I said. “I'm proud of you, Darce. 


“I love you, Billy” 
“I love you too,” I said quietly. “You 
crazy Republican bitch.” 

She laughed. A chorus of deep voic- 
es swelled in the background, and Dar- 
cy, carried away by some shenanigans, 
shrieked merrily. 

I wondered sometimes why she didn't 
just settle for some GOP bohunk with a 
carapace of muscles and the proper 
worldview. She could have had her pick. 
We both knew that. But that’s not how 
the heart works. It runs to deeper needs 
“TH try to come over after the speech,” 
Darcy whispered. “I want to see you.” 


‘Two weeks later, we were in Darcy's 
apartment, still trying to figure out what 
had happened. Al Gore was on CNN, 


„ RUDOLPH THe RDK Kewpeete 


imitating someone made of flesh. 

"Why doesn't he give it up?" Darcy 
murmured. 

“Why should he give up?" I said. 

"Because he lost." 

We had both assumed the election 
would bring an end to the tension. One 
or the other side would win, fair and 
square, and we would move on. 

“You can't say he lost until they count 
all the votes," 1 said. “It's just too close. 
Can't you see that, honey? 

Darcy sighed. She'd cut her hair into a 
kind of bob, which made her look a litle 
severe. "Why did Gore ask for recounts 
in only four counties? He's not interest- 
ed in a full and accurate count. Admit it. 
He wants to count uniil he has the votes 
to win." 

“They both want to win. It’s called a 
race." 

“Don't patronize me, Billy." 

“1 wouldn't patronize you if you didn't 
keep oversimplifying the situatio: 

Darcy clicked off the TV. "Why do you 
talk like that, Billy? Why do you make 
everything so personal?" 

"Trying to impeach the president for 
getting a blow job? That's not person- 
al? Or DeLay sending his thugs down to 
Miami to storm the canvassing board? 
What is that? Politics as usual? Are you 
kidding me?" 

Darcy shook her head; the edges of 
her new haircut sawed back and forth. “I 
can't talk with you about this stuff. You 
get too angry.” 

“You're as pissed as I am." 

“No,” she said. “I just want this to be 
over.” 

We didn't say anything else, but the 
mists of rage hung about us. And later 
on, after we had retired to the bedroom, 
this rage hid within our desire and 
charged out of our bodies in a way we 
hoped would bring us closure. We 
slammed against each other and gasped 
and clutched, did everything we could 
think to enthrall each other while at the 
same time hoping to murder, to die to- 
gether, and woke instead, in the morn- 
ing, bruised and contrite. 


I agreed with Darcy, after all. I wanted 
the election to be over. I didn't want to 
be angry at her, because I loved her, and 
that love was more important than any 
election. I honestly tried to ignore the 
dispute. What did I care? Gore had run 
an awful campaign. He deserved to lose 
Gradually, though, the radical truth was 
becoming clear. More voters had gone 
to the polls in Florida intending to vote 
for him. The statisticians all understood 
this, and the voting machine workers, 
too. Even the brighter reporters, the 
ones who bothered to think the matter 
through. 

The cold fog of December descended 
on the capital and I sat in my apartment 
glaring at CNN and fantasizing about 


— 
 Lorilard 2001 


SURGEON GENERAL'S WARNING: Quitting Smoking 
Now Greatly Reduces Serious Risks to Your Health. 


lighis Box: 8 mg. “tar.” 0:7 mg: nicetine: Medium Box! 12 mg. “tar” 10 mg 
nicotine; Box: 16 mg. “tar” 1.3 mg. nicotine av. per cigarette by FTC method 


www.dewars.com 


The Dewar 
o Highlander 


FINEST SCOWCH WHISKY 


| White Label: 


tied 1446, 
BLENDED SCOTCH WHISKY 


dohn Dewar 8 Sons Ltd 
| PERTH SCOTLAND 


— a 


minum mot амо отти: 


putting a bullet in James Baker's skull. Darcy called out to me 
from the answering machine, her voice loosened by red wine, 
My name sounded vague and hopeful in her mouth. 

‘And then, one night, just after the final certification of votes 
in Florida, a knock came at the door. There was Darcy, in her 
blue skirt and her lovely snaggled smile. She was breathing 
hard. I imagined for a moment that she had run from somc- 
where far away, from Georgetown, perhaps, through the dark 
banished lowlands of Prince George’s County, or from the 
tawny plains of central Pennsylvania. 

“We need to talk,” she said. 

She fell against me, smelling of gin and lilacs and cigarettes. 
Here she was, this soft person, soft all the way through. 1 felt 
terribly responsible. 

“Where'd you come from?" 

“That bar down the street.” 

“The Versailles?” 

“Uh-huh.” 

“What were you doing there?” 

She looked up into my face. “My friends say I ought to 
dump you.” 

“What do you say?” 

“I don't know. You're a good lay.” She tugged at my jeans. 
But this was only an imitation of lust, something borrowed 
from the booze. Her hands soon fell away. “Where the hell 
have you been?” 

“1 haven't been anywhere. I've been here. Look, I'm sorry. 
I haven't quite known what to do." 

“You could start by returning my calls, OK? OK, Mr. Fuck- 
ing Sensitivity?” Darcy glanced into the living room, at the 
pizza boxes and heaps of clothing. She shook her head. 
George W. was on now, staring into the camera like a fright- 
ened monkey. “Please, Billy, don’t tell me you're still moping 
about this election.” 

“It's more like constructive brooding.” 

Darcy plopped onto the couch. Her knees pressed together 
and her calves flared out like jousts. This lent her an antic 
quality, as if she might at any moment leap to her feet and 
burst into a tap-dance routine. “Why are you doing this to 
yourself?” 

"I'm not doing anything to myself." 

“I just don't understand why you have to hold this against 
me. 1 don't hold your views against you.” 

“That's because you're winning,” 1 muttered. 

“What?” 

“You're winning. You can afford the luxury of grace. But I'll 
tell you what: If these undervotes ever get counted and Gore 
pulls ahead, you and the rest 

“That is never going to happen,” Darcy said sharply. She 
smoothed her skirt with the heel of her palm and took a deep 
breath. “You know as well as I do that if the situation were re- 
versed, Gore would do the same thing as Bush.” 

“You may be right,” I said. “But if he did that, he'd be 
wrong. And I hope I'd have the integrity to see that.” 

“And I dont have integrity?" 

"I'm not saying that. What I'm saying is——" 

But what was I saying? Wasn't I saying precisely that? 

Darcy narrowed her eyes as she waited for me to clarify 
myself. 

“Look, I know you have a lot invested in Bush winning. You 
worked hard for him. And I realize we have different views on 
how to run things. I don't want you to be a liberal. But I'm 
talking about the underlying principle. Democracy means 
you do your best to look at all the ballots. You try to find the 
truth.” 

“Please, Billy. I came over here to talk about us.” 

“This is about us,” I said. “We have to agree on the basic 
stuff. Truth. Fairness. I'm not talking about the damn election 
anymore. 1 don't even care who wins. They're both Republi- 
cans in my book. I'm talking about what you believe and what 
1 believe.” 

“Would you listen to yourself?” Darcy said. “This is just 


WON'T BE. 
NIVEA FOR MEN 
EXFOLIATING SCRUB 


GET OUT GRIME with thousands of grits СЕ 
PURIFY beneath the surface F 
EXFOLIATE for smoother skin 


One more way NIVEA FOR MEN helps 
IMPROVE THE CONDITION OF YOUR SKIN 2... 


MORE EVOLVED SKINCARE 


PLAYBOY 


The Perfect Gift? 


Panty Claus is coming to town! Stuff 
her stocking with Panty of the Month 
and warm her heart with thoughts of 
you. Sign her up nowto receive 3,6 or 
12 Months of Christmas. Each package 
arrives scented — with her name hand 
lettered in beautiful calligraphy. 
Special treats of candy, perfume, 
sachets, and other seasonal 
gifts are always enclosed 
for her pleasure. 


“The best gift ve ever 


given mywife”_ Bitt w, Houston 


Panty of the Month 


„because lingerie is the giftthat touches her 
when you can't 


Order today! Or call for FREE brochure. 
24-hour toll-free information hotline. 


866-469-6800 


www.panties.com 


MEN: 


TIRED OF BEING 
CONSIDEREO 
SHORT? Try our 
скаму footwear 
HIDDEN height 


increaser inside | 
side | 


BE TALLER 


100 styles Extremely comfortable. Discreet packaging. 
Sizes 510 12. Widths B to EEE. In business since 1939 
MONEYBACK GUARANTEE! Call or write for FREE 
cdor catalog, www. RER 


ELEVATORS” 


RICHLEE SHOE COMPANY DEPT. PBID) 
PO. BOX 3566, FREDERICK. MD 21705 


4 for $40 + 1058H 


1-800-628-8795 
412-782-5801 

ChecksIMO Payable to: 
The IKON INC. 


Feen 


ш 
2 
< 
9 
u 
2 
Y 
л 
Ë 
< 
2 
5 
5 


3 
5 
5 
= 
= 
= 
5 
Е 
= 
= 
8 
= 
ЕЧ 
& 
а 
St 


, Billy. Christ. You're as bad as 


“Don't reduce this to politics. Please. 
I want us to be able to agree here." 
wasn't screaming exactly, but my voice 
kept throttling up, because I could see 
where we were headed and it made my 
heart ache. 

Darcy shook her head. “I knew this 
was a mistake. You don't even know what 
day it is, do you? A year ago, Billy. We 
met a year ago tonight.” 


For a moment there, it looked as if 
fairness might prevail. The Florida Su- 
preme Court issued the ruling that 
should have come down in the begin- 
ning: Recount the entire state, by hand 
But then, of course, the U.S. Supreme 
Court stepped in to rule that, well, some- 
thing or other involving equal protec- 
tion and, more obscurely, the Constitu- 
tion, and anyway there certainly wasn’t 
enough time to clear this mess up—such 
a mess!—so, you know, don't blame us, 
we're only trying to help. Bush wins. 

All over Washington, the Republicans 
whooped it up. They'd managed to gain 
the White House and the only cost had 
been the integrity of every single civil in- 
stitution in our country. What a bargain! 
1 spent the evening swilling Jack and 
gingers, howling into Darcy's various 
machines, imagining I could taste her. 
Our situation was unclear, by which I 
mean: She was no longer returning my 
calls. At around one in the morning, I 
drove to her apartment. 

“Go away,” she said through the inter- 
com. “You're drunk." 

"I'm not drunk. 1 love you, honey. I 
wanna say sorry." 

“I'm not going to talk with you, Billy." 

“1 don't wanna talk about that. I prom- 
ise. Buzz me in, honey. Please.” 

She was wearing an old nightgown, 
the cotton soft and pilled. Her face was a 
little puffy. Now it was my turn to fall 
against her, to kiss her brow and plead. 
Her body stiffened a little. 

“1 was wrong," I said. "I was a jerk. 
Nobody makes me feel like you do. We 
fit, you know. Our bodies, we just fit.” 

She rose onto the balls of her feet. But 
she didn't push me away. “You're too an- 


gry,” she said. “I don't like it when you 
get so angry.” 
I sank to my knees and hugged her 


wai: m sorry. Something takes over. I 
start thinking too much." 

It is true that Darcy was a Republican. 
But she was still a woman, and as such 
susceptible to forgiveness. I pressed my 
cheek against her and breathed warm 
air into her belly. Her muscles slowly 
softened. 

"No more thinking, Billy. No more 
arguing. It's over now." With just her 
fingertips, she hoisted the hem of her 
nightgown. The tiny blonde hairs at 
the top of her thighs stood on end. My 


Deck Your НАН$ 


WITH PLAYMATES. 


View our entire collection and 
ploce your holiday order online at: 


www.12-20art.com 


For questions or to ploce your 
order by phone, coll. 


1-323-461-1220 


Uniquely Playmate 


LIMITED EDITION FINE Авт 


SINGERS! Remove Уосліз 


Low Cost, Instantly Available 
ic From the 


Also Features Superior Vocal Enhancement and 
Key Transposer which Outperforms Consumer 
Karaoke Equipment. Our Units also feature the 
Latest Digtal Signal Processing Technology 
and unlike consumer units, ours are вел 
[Upgradeable so you aren't locked into yesterday's 

technology. Сай Now for Free Color Catalog & Demo 

)482:2485-Ext 57, 


LT Sound, Dept PB1D 7980 LT Parkway, Lthonia,GA 30058 
Sa бас ا‎ ESSEN 
son Vocal Eliminator” - Better Than Karaoke! 


PEDAL-ELECTRIC 
Cycle Car 


* Eosyto Pedol / 
* Multi-Speed 


FREE 
б\н / BROCHURE 


+ 128 4 Seoters 
+ Corgo & Toxi Models 


615-822-2737 Ext. 27584 • www.4wc.com/?27584 


RHONDE/ CAR Den. 27584 + 125 Rhoades 1: 
RHOADES CAR хл see 2075 


WWW, SKECHERS.COM 


Disaronno 


TOR AG JI SG час мизпрп талк “INI “YSN кома 18 0310041 1902; 


tongue took up the taste of laundry 
soap. A thick pink scent came from the 
hollow below. 

Could I have known, as she climbed 
onto the bed and opened herself to me, 
as I kissed that softest skin, that my an- 
ger would rise once again? But who can 
know these things? They are products of 
the past, of history finding an apt dis- 
guise in the moment. I wanted only to 
give my beloved this pleasure, to be for- 
given. Why, then, as her knees fell open, 
as her breath bottomed into rasps and 
her flesh began to pulse, could I think 
only of James Baker? He rose from the 
darkest region of my love, his tongue 
twisted like an old piece of steak 
Loathing shimmered around him like 
an aura. Why was I thinking of this man 
while Darcy lay open before me, like a 
blossom? 

Perhaps because (it occurred to me 
darkly) Darcy did not view Baker as a 
bad man at all. She had described him as 
a righteous man, not unlike her grampa 
Tuck. And now suddenly I imagined 
James Baker in the humble suit of a 
country preacher, presiding over my 
very own wedding. 

Darcy was digging her fingers into the 
meat of my neck, murmuring go go ро. 
Her body clenched. This was the life she 
wanted: a walloping orgasm and the sort 
of man who knew when to keep his 
mouth shut. I thought of my own par- 
ents, marching into the grim precincts of 
New Haven to register voters. They had 
done this. They had believed. My lips 
felt numb. I wasn't entirely sure 1 could 
breathe. Up above, the shuddering be- 
gan. Darcy's thighs came together in a 
swirl. How I had loved this moment! 
The roar of the engines on the runway, 
the sudden flight. 1 closed my eyes and 
breathed in her body. But there was 
Baker again—and now he was winking 
al me. 

1 lifted my head. 

Darcy's hands рамей the air. Her 
mouth puffed my name. 

“The Supreme Court,” [ said, “has 
stopped the hand count.” 

“No, Billy. Go. I'm close.” Darcy's eyes 
were pinched. Her hands had slipped to 
her breasts, which she gently cupped. 
Her hipbones were standing out like tiny 
knobs. What in God’s name was wrong 
with me? 

“Billy. Damn it! Please. Come on. Not 
funny.” 

1 could feel my throat knotting up 
with sorrow. 

Darcy lifted her head from the pillows. 
Her eyes were starting to clear. “What 
exactly are you doing here?" 

“Once the High Court rules, there are 
no more appeals.” 

And now Darcy drew back. “Do you 
have any idea how despicably you're be- 
having? Oh Billy, you really are a sad 
case.” Darcy closed her legs and pulled a 
sheet across her chest, like a starlet. “The 


election is over. Don't you get it? Over.” 

“That's not the issue,” 1 said quietly. 

“The issue?" Darcy's fists were curled 
around the sheet. “Do you even know 
what the issue is anymore? The issue is 
us, OK? The issue is, do you really love 
me. That's the issue, Billy.” 

Darcy waited for me to say something 
heroic. This seemed the thing to do, cer- 
tainly, to renounce my stingy polemical 
heart, to affirm the primacy of love. 
What kind of liberal was 1, anyway? And 
this is surely how it would have gone in 
the movies, where everything gets ab- 
solved in time for the credits. Though I 
loved Darcy, thrilled to the music of her 
body, stood in awe of her drive, I could 
not fathom how I was supposed to live 
with my disappointment in her. 

Nor did I understand, exactly, how 
she could love me when she found my 
core beliefs naive and pitiable. Perhaps 
this was a uniquely Republican gift, the 
ability to ignore inconvenient contradic- 
tions. Or perhaps she was simply better 
at loving someone without judgment. All 
that matters is that I failed to tell her, in 
that moment, that 1 loved her. 

“You should leave,” Darcy said quietly. 
Her voice floated down in the dark. “Get 
out of here, Billy. Don't come back.” 


My friends told me Га made the right 
decision. They were extremely reason- 
able and full of shit. I knew the cruth, 
which was that Darcy was the most excit- 
ing lover I would ever take, because I al- 
ways hated her a little, and never quite 
understood her, and because she forgave 
me this and loved me therefore more 
daringly, without relying on the congru- 
ence of our beliefs, the dull compliances 
of companionship. 

I watched the inauguration simply to 
catch a glimpse of her. She was in the 
crowd beneath the podium. The camera 
caught her twice, a pretty woman with 
ruddy cheeks and a wide sad smile, gaz- 
ing into the frozen rain. 

Soon, she would rise to the office ap- 
pointed by her talents and give her pas- 
sion to another man. Eventually, she 
would move out to Bethesda or Arling- 
ton, where the stately oaks and pastures 
of bluegrass survive. She would attach 
herself to the tasks of motherhood and 
governance with brilliant loyalty. And 
she would grow more achingly beautiful 
by the year, as our regrets inevitably do. 

Washington was her town now. I un- 
derstood that much. I lacked the guile, 
the gift for compromise, the ability to 
separate my wishes about the world 
from the cold facts of the place. I sat on 
my couch as the oaths were sworn and 
watched for Darcy's yellow hair, which 
flickered in the wind that swept across 
the capitol and then was gone. 


Hisaronno.con, 


Jisa оппо? 


г 
Disaronno Originale 


. Bacardi? Limón" 


Every Sunday. 


‚Adult star Devinn Lane assembles the hottest cast ever 
seen in reality-based television. 


Devinn — savvy, sensual adult star and mastermind 
behind this cyberloft series, 


Теп - laid-back Malibu beach regular has never had 
problems when it comes to women. 


Patty — this 19-year-old blonde free spirit just loves to 
experiment with her sexuality. 


Xiamora — a voracious aspiring actress, she likes to be 
Called X... and isn't afraid to take what she wants. 


| Jeremy —thesexualy inexperienced web techie, he's strugging 
J with his insecurities in order to satisfy a healthy libido. 


3 Antwan — confident and free of inhibitions, he's in it for 
O w the booty, pure and simple. 


\ Jillian — a Southern belle of unknown means, she's 
i. Î beautiful, provocative... and mysterious. 


www.7livesXposed.com 
er Y Episode every Sunday at 10pm ET, 11pm PT 


a (9! 


PLAYBOY TV 
| я [ For program information go to; 


, playboytv.com 
wo Playboy TV s avaiable trom your local cable television operator or home satelite, 
4 DIRECTV, DISH Network, EXPRESSVU or STAR CHOICE dealer. 
v € 2004 Playboy Entartalanent Group, ис. АЙ rights reserve. 


CAUTION: US 

THIS PRODU! $ 

BEEN KNOWN TO 

INCREASE SEX DRIVE 
MEN! 


39% + 55% S/H e Order#: P11-1201 
Buy 2 get 1 FREE! e 579.7 S/H 


817 South Federal Hwy. 
Deerfield Beach, FL 55441 


1 (800) 445-1231 1231, 


www.maximuminternat 


Plant A Great 
American Tree. 


ШІ from the last known apple tree 
planted by Johnny Appleseed have 
grown into small, direct-oflspring apple 
trees. They 
your home, school, 


ready for you to plant at 


pmmunity, or to give 


as special gifts. Every tree purchased 


vas 


For Tre 
ce 1873 


supports American Forests 


Receive a complimentary catalog 
of trees in American l'a 
Famous & Historic Tree collection. 
Hundreds to choose from. 


Call: 800-320-8733, Fax: 800-264-6869, 
Visit: www historictrees оту, Write: American Fonsi 
Famous & Historie ‘Trees, 8701 ОЮ Kings Road, 
sonville, Florida 32219. 

Email: historicutinoLcom 


bloodtest 


(continued from page 96) 
stepped close to him and fired a single 
shot into the back of his head. The red- 
faced man dropped. The gray man knelt 
next to him and put a bullet into each 
eye. Then another into his right ear. 

The gray man stood up, unscrewed 
the silencer and pocketed each half of 
the disassembled weapon in a separate 
pocket of his coat. Empty-handed, he 
motioned for the younger man to move 
away from the women. 

“Wait a minute,” the younger man 
said. “You know what the boss зай 
"Shut up." 

“The boss said no witnesses, man!" the 
younger man whispered harshly, nod- 
ding his head urgently in the direction of 
the handcuffed women. “We got plenty 
of time. No reason why I can't have a lit- 
de taste of that stuff first.” 

“No” 

“No? The test is whether I can follow 
orders, right? Well, the order was no wit- 
nesses. You were right there when the 
boss said it.” 

“What he said was ‘no witnesses,” the 
gray man said. “But he wasn't talking to 
you. He was talking to me." 

“So? What difference does that ——?" 

“All right," the gray man said. “But 
hurry it up. And give me that piece.” 

The younger man handed his pistol to 
the gray man and turned toward the 
women. The gray man briefly examined 
the weapon in his hand, shook his head, 
flicked off the safety and said, “Hey!” 
softly. The younger man turned. The 
gray man shot him between the eye- 
brows. He knelt next to the body and 
added three more bullets, exactly as he 
had done to the man in the office chair. 

The gray man took the pistol he had 
used 10 kill the club owner from his 
pocket and reattached the silencer. He 
put the weapon on the desk. Then he 
stripped off the surgeon's gloves he had 
been wearing, being careful to turn 
them inside out, revealing still another 
of gloves underneath. He removed 
the single-layer gloves from the body of 
the younger man, pocketed them, then 
regloved the body with the gloves he had 
removed from his own hands. 

Satisfied, he wrapped the younger 
man's hand around the pistol used to kill 
the club owner. 

The gray man got to his feet. "You 
know the story you have to tell," he said 
to the handcuffed women, “and what 
happens if you don't.” 

They didn't answer. 

The gray man walked out of the office, 
down the hall and out into the night. 
The gray sedan was gone. A black sedan 
was parked in its place. 

The gray man got into the backseat. 
The black sedan pulled away. 


Over 
60% Off! 


_ LUBRICATED 
nn 


Lifes 


‘Adam & Eve offers you a full ine of high 
quality condoms with discreet, directo- 
your door delivery. 


‘Our deluxe 75 condom collection offers you the unique 
luxury of trying over 14 world-class condom brends 
including Gold Circle Coins, Saxon Gold, Trojan, 
Lifestyles, Prime, plus some of the finest Japanese 
brands. 

As a special introductory offer, you can get the Super 
75 Collection (a full $29.95 value if purchased indi- 
vidually) for ONLY $9.95, That's a savings of over 60%! 
Or try our 38 Condom Sampler for only $595. Usa the 
coupon below to claim your savings now! 
Money-Back Guarantee: You must agree that 
Adam & Eve's condoms and service are the best 
available anywhere, or we'll refund your money 
In full, no questions asked. 


Credit Card Customers Call 


7. 1-800-274-0333 


Маш) 24 Hours A Day /7 Days A Wook 


[1774 


Visit www.condomstore.com 
Ганн heck an rey Orit 

‘Adam & Eve [Dert PB277 ] РО Box 900, Carrboro, NC 27510 
£ L] YES! Please rush my CONDDM COLLECTION in 
| plain packaging under your money-back guarantee. 
| оше пем шт тие 

1 #5554 Super 75 Collection $9.95 
148623 38 Condom Collection $595 


ша 


1 SATISFACTION Postage 8 Handling 53.00 

i BUARANTEEO! RUSH Processing - 52.00 | 
ame 

| дн 


low = Site 2р 


PLAYBOY 


Catherine Bell „ал 


“Thave a problem with cultures that are so sexually re- 
pressed that they end up becoming really twisted.” 


6 


PLAYBOY: So what's with their fetish about 
schoolgirl porn? 

BELL: I don't know. It's nuts! I have a 
problem with cultures that are so sexual- 
ly repressed that they end up becoming 
really perverted and twisted. You'd see 
men on the subways reading these com- 
ic books. You wonder, “Why are these 
men reading comic books?” And you 
look closely, it's these little schoolgirl 
drawings—the big eyes, little bitty noses, 
cute little perky lips and pigtails. 1 think 
it comes from all that repression. Let it 
out, let it go. 


7 


PLAYBOY: You ski. Why is there animosity 
between snowboarders and skiers? 

BELL: It’s total snobbery. I haven't quite 
switched over to snowboarding yet. I've 


tried it a few times, but as a skier I know 
snowboarders just eat up the mountain, 
and they knock down skiers constantly. 
They re just going too fast or they're out 
of control and they don’t know what 
they're doing yet. Snowboarding's tough 
to learn. When you haven't gotten it yet, 
you're all over the place. With skiing, 
if you lose your balance, you fall right 
where you are. I'm not sure what snow- 
boarders think about skiers. They just 
think we're geeks or something. 


8 


PLAYBOY: Which sport is harder? 

BELL: Snowboarding is harder, but I 
started skiing a long time ago. I mean, 
when you fall while skiing, you don't re- 
ally hurt yourself. When you're learning 
to snowboard, you catch an edge like 
you always do, and you don't just gent- 
ly fall to the ground, you slam to the 


ground and either break a wrist or crack 
your tailbone. After two days of that, 1 
was so bruised and banged up 


9 


PLAYBOY: You own a pair of Italian grey- 
hounds. Can you train greyhounds with 
peanut butter? 

BELL: Yes! They love peanut butter. It's 
really fun. You just give them a tiny bit 
and they do that [licking sound] thing for- 
ever. You can train these guys with any- 
thing. But I always feel so bad when I do 
that. One time I gave them a piece of 
dried apricot. I didn’t think it was going 
to be a big deal, but it stuck in their 
teeth, oh my God, for an hour. It was so 
bad, trying to get it out. It's cruel. These 
guys are really smart. That's one of the 
reasons we got them. 


10 


PLAYBOY: What can you say in Farsi that 
can’t be translated in English? 

BELL: You couldn't print it, because some 
Iranian would read it and be really of- 
fended [laughs]. My mom taught my hus- 
band all the swear words, and they're re- 
ally bad. In Iranian, if you want to insult 


I dust Don’t KWey WHAT To бес 
MR DUCK FER CHRISTMAS THIS YEAR- 
СС BETTER Ве SMETÁNG TA SORE 
HELL LIKE, BECAUSE КЕ DON'T 
APPRECIATE THE VACU -WANK 
г обот HIM LAST YEAR: 


WELCOME To MeNICAS сцеке SUPE. 
How MAY Т HELP yoz y 


ID LKE ТЕ Buy 
goLD Dock. 


[Bur Figs Just Te MAKE SURE T 
DUT HAVE Те Suck Амр PUFF Тео 
HARD ою US AASTY OLD THING, 
I AWAYS MAKE SURE тә Lick 


TE ТР А LITTLE BIT DUST 
1 СКЕ WIS! y 


Good Aoi CE 1 CIGARS ARE 5-О-О 
SEXY! (us (s OUR Most POPULAR. 
MeDEL-L MEAR, BRAND- THE 
Ес CLipToMo. CONG, THICK 

AND (г COWES IN ITS OWN 


VOADOR- 


X ишү а ENT Gur, 


\ 


SUN 


2 


% Sa 
^l 


RETAIL PRICE $859. ON YOUR WRIST $11 
IN YOUR POCKET $670. 


The Klaus Kobec Couture Sports. A high fashion chronograph designed for the cosmopolitan man or woman and sports 
professional alike, is now available direct from the manufacturer at the astonishingly low price of $189 -/ 
a saving of $670 on the retail price of $859. So how can we make an offer like this? The answer is beautifully 
simple. We have no middleman to pay. No retail overheads to pay. And rot the usual mark-up to make, which on 
luxury items [including watches] can be enormous. We just make beautiful watches, beautifully simple to buy. 


COUTURE SPORTS IN TWO TONE LADIES RETAIL PRICE $829 DIRECT PRICE $185 GENTS RETAIL PRICE $859 DIRECT PRICE $189 STAINLESS STEEL AND 180T GOLD PLATED FEATURES 
INCLUDE STAINLESS STEEL CASE, STAINLESS STEEL AND GOLO PLATED BRACELET STAINLESS STEEL BUTTERFLY CLASP TO THE BRACELET CHRONOGRAPH FEATURING HOURS, MINUTES 
AND SECONDS DIALS CALENDAR WATER RESISTANT TO ЗАТМ5 SUPPLIED TO YOU IN A MAGNIFICENT PRESENTATION CASE. STOPWATCH MOVEMENT NUT AVAILABLE ON LADIES MODEL 


.... CREDIT CARD HOTLINE 1-800-733-TIME (1-800-733-8453), SEVEN DAYS A WEEK. PLEASE QUOTE CODE PL/11/TT. 


Please bill my Mastercard/Visa/American Express lagu enclosed е check or сыно iq 


or Discover Card No. Expiration Date 
i з 
| ТТТ Please send me Name 
Gentlemen's 7 Tone Couture Sports Telephone 
(à $189 each total 


Address 


Ladies’ 2 Tone Couture Sports 
(0 $189 each total | 


Plus Shipping/ Handling $7.99 pee 
NC & FL Res add 6% Sales Tar total charge Zip code Uti 
GUARANTEE т 


enger | TIMEPIECES INTERNATIONAL, 3580 NORTH WEST 56ТН STREET. FORT LAUDERDALE, FLORIDA 33309 FAX. 1 888 675 3045. 


PLAYBOY 


194 


someone, you insult his family and his 
mother. How about madar jendeh. It ba- 
sically means that your mother's a whore 
[laughs]. Kharcoseh is another zinger, and 
it refers to a woman's intimate body part, 
and not the nicest way to say it either. My 
mom taught Adam that word. She and 1 
say that to each other because it's so over 
the top that it's like, “Kharcoseh! What are 
you doing?" 


11 


PLAYBOY: Better name—Persia or Iran? 
BELL: I like Persia. 1 know it's not Persia 
anymore, but Iran has so much shit at- 
tached to it now, unfortunately. It used 
to be a beautiful place. I never went alter 
Т was a baby, but my mom tells me it was 
like Paris. It was beautiful. My grand- 
father used to work for the Shah, so my 
mom lived like royalty over there. 


12 


PLAYBOY: We read somewhere that men 
can say anything in front of you. Is that 
true? 

BELL; Totally. You can ask my husband. 
The guys at work know this, too. If there 
is a pretty woman and the guys are talk- 
ing about her, I jump right in. "Yeah! 
Check her out! She's really hot!” I don't 
have a problem. I don't get offended 
easily. It would take a lot. Yesterday, 
my husband bought a new video game, 
a fighting game with women with huge 


breasts. The graphics are amazing, and 
they fight and their breasts actually jig- 
gle. Sometimes a girl's skirt flies up and 
you sce her panties, and I'm like, "Cool! 
Check out her panties! My God! Her tits 
are huge!" You know, that's how I talk. I 
have no problem. 


13 


PLAYBOY: Do the guys say what they want 
to do to other women in front of you? 

BELL: Yeah, a little bit. Some guys, if 
they're just total pigs, need to take it easy 
there. Down, boy. But if they're appre- 
ciating women, you know, I can under- 
stand you'd want to do certain things. 


14 


PLAYBOY: You play drums. Who is your 
favorite drummer? 

BELL: Since I'm a new drummer, I just 
started listening to everybody: John Bon- 
ham, Neil Peart. I've got all the Led Zep- 
pelin and Who CDs in my trailer. I'm 
trying to listen to the old greats. And 
then there are some of the new guys like 
Dave Grohl and Taylor Hawkins. I love 
jazz drumming, It's beautiful. Again, I'm 
new. I never used to pick out the drum- 
beat by itself. Now I'm actually listening 
to the drumbeat. 


15 


PLAYBOY: Do you have wacky nights with 
your dose friend Jenna Elfman? 


“Wrestling’s a fake, there's no Santa Claus, and now you tell me 
Miss Detwiller's tits aren't real!” 


BELL: Like when we get naked and roll 
around in hot oil? I'm sure your read- 
ers would like to hear about that, but I'll 
never tell! Jenna is really fun. We were 
justin the Caribbean with a bunch of our 
friends. She has so much energy. I think 
she's amazing. We met in our acting 
class. We're both Scientologists, but we 
were in the same acting class, too. I knew 
her husband better than her because her 
husband and I were in the same class. 
She was in a different class at the same 
place. She's so talented. She's funny, silly 
and fast. A lot of fun to go out with. 


16 


PLAYBOY: Have you guys gotten into any 
trouble? 
BELL: No, not yet. Good idea, though. 


17 


PLAYBOY: There are websites featuring 
photos of your body-double work for Is- 
abella Rossellini in Death Becomes Her. In 
an article you said there is worse stuff 
out there. Where can we find it? 

BELL: There's some soft-core I used to 
do. No. There was a rumor about that 
on the set once. 1 did a love scene in a 
cable movie that wasn't a big deal. Kind 
of a Red Shoe Diaries sort of thing. I was 
almost topless on Dream On. So that's 
about it. Nothing too embarrassing. 


18 


PLAYBOY: Why is the company of men 
more interesting than that of women? 

BELL: I think because 1 was an only child 
and a tomboy. Women can be tough on 
women. Г used to be really shy and a lot 
of women thought I was stuck up. I had 
to be nice and be a regular person and 
let them know I wasn’t there to steal 
their boyfriends. Women can be so inse- 
cure. Let's just be girls. Now I have some 
female friends, but I'm still more com- 
fortable with men. | have more male 
friends than I do women. I'm more of a 
guy. Let's have a beer and just have fun. 


19 


PLAYBOY: Your belly is pierced. What are 
the limits of good taste in piercings? 
BELL: For me, it's my belly button. That's 
it. At some point, it gets into self-muti- 
lation and some weird psychological 
aberration. 


20 


PLAYBOY: What can be expressed in a tat- 
too that can't be expressed verbally? 
BELL: I've got one here [pointing to ankle]. 
It's a heart and it says LOVE. I could cer- 
tainly say “love.” But it's just a creative 
way of expressing myself. Tattoos repre- 
sent something about yourself, but noth- 
ing you couldn't express verbally. 


Add instant sex appeal to sunscreens, massage oils, bath oils, or wear by itself! 


Heres what some 
of our thousands of 
satisfied customers 

have to say: 


“Heres my reorder for 
Attractant 1000+ based 
on the amazing results 1 
experienced. I was skeptical 
at first, but when I began to 
receive far more attention 
from beautiful women I was 
convinced. Not just casual 
attraction, but the kind you 
want, if you know what 1 
mean. Thank you guys 
so much.” 

—Zack U., Pasadena, CA 


“Awesome product! 
‚Awesome results!” 
-Mike L, Agoura Hills, CA 


"Finally а pheromone 
product that really works 
and at a great price!” 

Jeff M., Seattle, WA 


FREE! SEX APPEAL IN A BOTTLE 
nagine this: you're at the beach and a beautiful, bronzed 
goddess is close by: Inexplicably, she looks up at you and 
asks if you can help her put on her sunscreen. And sud- 
дегу you realize she’s coming on to you. She doesnt know 
why. but you do. Youre wearing something she cannot 
resist: a new powerful pheromone oil. Attractant 1000+ 
Tropical Romance. And the coolest thing about the whale 
thing is you got the pheromones absolutely FREE! 


This fantasy can easily be your reality. How confident ак 
we? So confident that we're willing to send you a bottle of 
cur new powerful pheromone oil, Tropical Romance, 
absolutely FREE! Thats because we know it will supercharge 
your sex Ше and you'll be back for more! 


NATURE’S ONLY APHRODISIAC 

Tropical Romances seductive pheromones blended in a 
subtle tropical fragrance is both irresistible and intoxicating 
10 members of the opposite sex 

Here how Attractant 1000+ Tropical Romance turns you 
into a powerful sex magnet: 1. Pheromones are natures only 
known aphrodisiac and are detected by the sense of smell, 2. 
Created in the laboratory by a dedicated team of biochemists 
Tropical Romance pheromone ой is up to a thousand times 
more potent than normal pheromone secretion: 3. Discreetly 
add Tropical Romances instant sex appeal to your favorite 
sunscreen, m by isl 

Women find the seductive lure ol Tropical Roi 
almost overwhelming, Iis biology: iti chemistry: Even the 
most beautiful women are compelled to respond. But don't 
just take our word for n: try it for yourself for FREE (you 
pay only for shipping and handli 


age oil, hath oil, oF w 


We are so confident that Tropical Romance will dramati- 
cally improve your love life and make you more sexually 
desirable that we are willing to send you а FREE bottle. And 
we also know once you experience these results that you 
will come back for more, and more, and more! 

Playboy Advisor July 2000: ° „Because as a culture we wash 
daily with scented soaps, these natural pheromones often are 
Today, scientists wonder if our 


removed or overpowered. 


habitual cleanliness creates a subconscions с 


{ 


hunger for pheromones,” 


A $99.95 VALUE FREE! 
(Because we know you'll 
be back for more) 

Auractant 10005 Tropical Romance 
retails at 59995 per boule (one 
fluid ounce). But thro 
exclusive introductory offer, you 
FREE bottle ol 
nce pheromone ой 
за absolutely no risk to you 

But don't delay This FREE 
PHEROMONE oller is available 
for a very limited time You must 
respond by March 31, 2002 
Don't miss our! Send for your 
TREE boule of Tropical Romance 
pheromone oil today! 


"LIMIT ONE PER HOUSEHOLO: 
00Е5 NOT INCLUDE 
SHIPPING AND HANOLING 


ИУ ksi 


1 мап orpers глави то WESTERN RESEARCH INSTITUTE credit card orders call 818-991-0461 or fax 818-991-0462 H 
1 Post Office Box 6879, Dept. FRO4, Thousand Oaks, California 91359 MAT ae от ES ЙН 


1 

1 1 
1 YES, I want to dramatically increase my ability to attract: women (or) Omen 1 
! Секе rush my FREE botte с Aura ce Ой (ә 599 95 value) Í ] | | Г]! 
1 ORDRush 1 bottle of unscented Аш CREDIT CARD NUMBER ! 
| plus s&h. This includes my FREI fa 514990 value) | H 
OR O Rush me your SUPER PHEROMONE 6-PACK SAMPLER for oniy $39.95 plus s&h | SIGNATURE EXPDA ы; 
wath 3 Бойіе (Гог each) of Attractam 1000» Tropical Romance Ой & 3 бош (Toz each) | wu (pr) Н 

of unscented Аинилат 1000+ Pheromone Concentrate (а $449.70 value!) 6 I 

1 agree to pay the shipping and handling charges of $7.00 (U.S. FUNDS ONLY) ADDRESS Н 

Rush orders ADD an additional $4.00 « Canadian orders ADD an additional $4.00 for air mail 1 
ст STATE ZP CODE П 


DCheck Money Order DIVISA MasterCard. ODiscover ПАМЕХ 


PLAYBOY 


196 


SCANDALS 


(continued from page 78) 
and JFK's sexual athleticism. 

In Washington, D.C. during the late 
ifties and early S when I was in 
graduate and law school, I noticed the 
latitude given the personal foibles and 
weaknesses of powerful officials. At the 
time, I was dating а girl whose father was 
a senator who had a serious drinking 
problem. The most feared muckraking 
columnist in Washington then was Drew 
Pearson, who was a friend of this senator. 
Repeatedly, Pearson warned the senator 
that if he didn't get his act together he 
was going to have to write about it. But 
Pearson never did, nor did he have any 
intention of doing so. He told the sena- 
tor's wife he was merely bracing her hus- 
band, trying to help him by frightening 
him, for he saw a man with a bi nt 
mind wasting it with the sauce. Sadly, the 
threats didn't help. 

When Senator Barry Goldwater ran 
for president in 1964, 1 turned down a 
job in the campaign to finish lav school. 
The senator's son was my good friend, 
so I followed the race closely. The only 
issue that ever threatened President Lyn 
don Johnson's election was a sex scandal 
that surfaced briefly before election day. 
It was the first sex scandal in a presiden- 
tial campaign since Grover Cleveland Е 
thered a child out of wedlock, which was 
an issue in the 1884 presidential contest. 
Initially, all the Washington newspapers 
agreed to disregard the 1964 story—but 
the president's aides forgot to ask United 
Press International to kill it. When UPI 
broke the story, other news organiza- 
tions reported as well that White House 


chief of staff Walter Jenkins, who was 
married with six children, had been ar- 
rested for engaging in homosexual activ 
ity at the YMCA a few blocks from the 
White House. The story fizzled quickly, 
however, when FBI Director J. Edgar 
Hoover spiked it with a report that no 
national security problems had arisen, 
and Jenkins was said to be in the hospital 
id-Sixties, when I worked as 
the minority counsel to the House Judi- 
ciary Committee, I saw how Congress 
dealt with sexual misconduct by one of 
its members. When the Congress con- 
vened in January 1967, a move was 
launched to deny Harlem Congressman 
Adam Clayton Powell his seat in the 
House. Powell had been investigated ear- 
lier for abusing his payroll and expen- 
ditures. He was hiring his ladyfriends 
and entertaining them lavishly at gov- 
ernment expense. When Powell was 
ed for contempt of a New York court af- 
ter refusing to pay a default judgment 
(he had carelessly ignored a defamation 
that started when he accused a con- 


larities” and the fact he was evading the 


New York authorities came to a head. 
Not sure how to handle New York's first 
black congressman, particularly at a time 
when Congress was writing significant 
new laws in response to the civil rights 
movement, the House created a select 
committee to make further inquiry. 

The Reverend Powell's womanizing 
was legendary. Tall, trim, strikingly hand- 
some and always elegantly dressed, he 
was a powerful force to be reckoned with. 
Because several members of the House 
Judiciary Committee were appointed to 


“You're amazing! You knew what I wanted most and I didn't 
even put it on my list.” 


the select committee, and they used the 
Judiciary пее hearing room for 
their meetings and proceedings, 1 be 
came privy to, and indirectly involved 
with, the undertaking. 

Some committee members were reluc- 
tant to have congressional pages carry 
sensitive material to or from Powell, and 
felt that several of the tasks should be 
handled by an attorney. My office ad- 
joined the hearing room, so 1 was dis- 
patched, by default, to deal with Powell. 
1 found it a pleasure, actually one of my 
more memorable experiences in govern- 
ment service, because we quickly hit it 
off. We had both gone to Colgate Uni 
versity. He was a fascinating man, and 
his office was a delight to visit. He em- 
ployed some of Capitol Hill's most beau- 
tiful women, and his friends in the en- 
tertainment industry—Louis Armstrong, 
Harry Belafonte, Sammy Davis И: and 
Lena Horne, to name a few—were often 
arriving or leaving. 

Ultimately, the House of Representa- 
tives went far beyond the recommenda- 
tions of the select committee and refused 
to seat Powell. He took his case to the 
Supreme Court and won. Powell’s sexu- 
ities, which underlay much of the 
inquiry (bis hiring beauty pageant win- 
ners as staff and flying them to and from 
his retreat in Bimini), weren't used to 
deny him his seat. But sex was certainly 
a part of the subtext. And the record (lat 
er sealed and buried) was filled with pri- 
mation, none of which 
leaked to newspeople (or left 
the confines of the investigative commi 
tees). Powell was quite conscious of what 
was not being said. In h 
way, he once said to me: “All those white 
guys must be worried I'm going to screw 
their wives. That scares 'em, so we don't 
talk about that.” Powell accused his de- 
tractors of hypocrisy and claimed they 
had concocted charges against him they 
were guilty of themselves. In time this 
would prove to be prescient, for Ohio 
Congressman Wayne Hays was one of 
the key behind-the-scenes players 
oust Powell. “I've not done a damn th 
they haven't done. And I can prove it 
Powell protested to me. 


1 can still see him thumping his index 
finger on a copy of Washington Exposé by 
Drew Pearson's ра 


tner and successor, 
Jack Anderson, which had just been re- 
leased. The book contained the hottest. 
inside account of misconduct in the na 
tion's capital. I recently checked, and 
found that the 486-page Washington Ex- 
posé, published in 1967, has absolutely 
nothing to say about sex, not a word. In 
those days, even the toughest muckrak- 
ers stayed om peccadilloes and 
dalliances 

Probably the best example of this 1 
sez-faire attitude toward illicit sex in- 
volved J. Edgar Hoover's efforts to 
destroy Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. Af- 
ter Hoover convinced Attorney General 


PLAYBOY 


198 


ЕК? reckless sexual expl 


Bobby Kennedy that King was a com- 
munist, he began wiretapping and bug- 
ging him, particularly his hotel bedrooms. 
Suon Hoover was dispensing copies of 
tapes, transcripts and photos of King's 
sexual activities with a number of wom- 
en at the Willard Hotel in Washington. 
Hoover's distribution list included News- 
week, the Los Angeles Times, The New York 
Times, The Atlanta Constitution and The 
Augusta Chronicle. All refused to use the 
material. So Hoover tried passing out his 
material on Capitol Hill, but no one 
there wanted it. Exasperated, Hoover fi- 
nally had copies of the tapes sent anony- 
mously to King's wile. What amazed me 
when 1 first picked up bits and pieces of 
this story was that no one in the media 
dared blow the whistle on Hoover. Clear- 
ly, they were afraid of him. 

By the time I served as counsel to the 
president at the Nixon White House in 
the early Seventies, I was aware of the 
rules of permissible and impern ible 
sexual conduct, and what was fair game 
for the media, As with my predecessors 
and successors, one of my responsibili- 
ties as White House counsel was to 
squelch potential probl Rumors of 
and LBJ's 
sexual boasting were well known in 
Wi gton—yet still not reported. But 
this was not the type of problem I faced. 
In fact, I could not envision my presi- 
dent, Richard Nixon, having sex with 
anyone, though it had apparently hap- 
pened at least twice, for he had two 
daughters. Many years after Watergate I 
was approached by two reporters about 
alleged Nixon ай! with women. Nei- 
ther of them produced even a hint of 
qu nable sexual activity, however, It 
was my colleagues in the White House 
who were my concern. 


For example, Chief of Staff Bob Hal- 
deman once instructed me to investigate 
one of the president's speechwriters. He 
was running down a rumor the presi- 
dent had received. While Haldeman 
was not opposed to hiring homosexuals, 
he told me, he simply wanted to know if 
the writer was gay. He did not buy the 
thinking of the pejoratively entitled con- 
gressional report (circa 1950) on “Em- 
ployment of Homosexuals and Other 
Perverts in Government,” which claimed 
that homosexuals were susceptible to re- 
cruitment as communist spies. 

1 read the speechwriter's FBI back- 
ground investigation and also talked 
with him during the course of business. I 
even visited people who had known him 
for many years. I was relatively confi- 
dent he was not homosexual. To this day 
that seems the case; he's simply a con- 
firmed bachelor. 

J. Edgar Hoover, who in the Seventies 
was living in the Forties, had a fixation 
about homosexuality. He once sent a re- 
port to the White House of a rumor that 
Haldeman had a young male secretary, 
plus several young men as his aides. 
That had supposedly raised eyebrow: 
Hoover claimed that someone on Cap 
tol Hill had asked the FBI if there might 
be a nest of homosexuals at the White 
House. When I mentioned Hoover's re- 
port to Haldeman, who had been aware 
of it long before I arrived at the White 
House, he roared with laughter. "Christ, 
I wish I did have a few working for me. 
I'll bet they'd be better than these young 
guys who have to run home to their 
wives every night." 

Occasionally, the problems were po- 
tentially more serious. Like learning that 
Life magazine's senior investigative re- 
porter, William Lambert, had a story 


"Im sorry, Debbie, I'm leaving sküng for snowboarding and 
you for Kimmy." 


about a White House oflicial and a high- 
level State Department officer being in- 
volved with a high-class prostitution 
operation in New York run by Xaviera 
Hollander. Lambert, however, wasn't 
vestigating Nixon administration offi- 
He was just giving us a heads-up, 
letting us know that a New York City po- 
lice informant, Teddy Ratenoff, had ob- 
tained a copy of Hollander's john book, 
and Ratenoff was looking for a book deal. 
My predecessor at the Nixon White 
House had hired a former NYPD detec- 
tive to investigate these sorts of prob- 
lems. I dispatched the detective. Within 
a few days he reported that Hollander 
had two john books, with her "sensitive 
clients" in a book that had not been ob- 
tained by Ratenoff. But we still didn't 
know who might have a potential prob- 
Jem. So I simply began casually testing 
here and there. Most responses were, 
“Hey, I should be so lucky.” But when I 
whispered the story to White House 
Press Secretary Ron Ziegler, his face 
went white as a sheet. “ГИ deny it,” he 
said quickly. In light of Ziegler's sched- 
ule and high profile, he was the last per- 
son in the White House I suspected. 
That potential sex scandal never sur- 
faced. Two decades later, however, I 
did learn it had been the State Depart- 
ment's chief of protocol and one of his 
assistants (who had once worked at the 
White House) who arranged such ser- 
vices when requested by visiting foreign 
dignitaries. Providing hookers for for- 
eign bigwigs, paid for with tax money, 
was (and I don't doubt remains) a Wash- 
ington sex scandal waiting to happen. 
As Clinton's former aide Dick Morris 
learned, Washington call girls do not al- 
ways adhere to the code of silence. 
Watergate, the scandal with which I 
became involved, was not a sex scandal. 
However, this fact has not prevented 
G. Gordon Liddy, Watergate’s most dec- 
orated felon, from trying to make it one. 
Not surprisingly, Liddy wants to divert 
attention from his bungled burglary of 
the Democratic National Committee, an 
undertaking that demonstrated slightly 
less judgment than that оГап average ju 
venile delinquent. Liddy now claims he 
really didn't know what happened dur- 
ing Watergate. He has been persuaded 
by the Watergate revisionists that it was 
a sex scandal. Thi nist history is 
based on one man—Phillip Mackin Bail- 
ley, who has spent much of his adult life 
in and out of mental institutions. Bailley 
has also claimed to be a ial пи 
and an abandoned space capt 
Alpha Centa 
ВаШеуз sexual activities first came to 
my attention while I was at the White 
House. The Department of Justice ad- 
vised me that a young woman they be- 
lieved worked at the White House had 
been a victim of Bailley's efforts to extort 
women into prostitution. Two assistant 
U.S. attorneys were sent to my office to 


Мор 


A RINGS. 


THE FELLOWSHIP 
OFTHE RING 


Sting, The Sword of Frodo 


Once the sword wilh sterling silver and can be 
of Bilbo Baggins, mounted for display. This exquisite 


The Noble Collection 


Holiday 2001 
Exclusive Treasures 
Uncompromising Value 


later passed on collector piece comes complete 
to Frodo Baggins, with an official, "Lord of the 
‘Sting serves noL only as a Rings” plaque (measuring 37°) 
protector in ballle but also as of authenticity and is accompanied 
a detector of looming danger. by a Certificate of Authenticity 


from New Line Cinema. 
The Noble Collection is proud to (sword and Plaque) 
offer an Officia Reproduction of NN9921 $295 
Sting, Crafted by master sword ا‎ —— 
makers in Toledo, Spain, the Sting ($18) S&H 
sword reproduction is touched available in five payments of $59 


Measuring aj imately 7" in 
С пое унь 
he R + collectors and new fans of the 
fi ING upcoming Lord ofthe Rings" Alm 
trilogy. Ring suspended in Ihe center 
of sphere. Crafted in fine pewter: 


Музоо $97.50 


(69) S&H 
available In Ave payments 


Order 24 ear 
1-800-866-2538 É 


Order Code = PBZAI The One Ring Mirage 
Holographic Image Chamber 


An illusion so real It will fool the most dedicated fan. With starting, 
darity. the One Ring appears Lo magically suspend in mid-air. Yet when 
“you reach Lo grab it, your fingers go through it, 

Hidden within the chamber the actual ring is projected on top in a 
3-Dimensional image that is incredibly real. The Mirage" is actually a 
scientific physical phenomenon that will leave those who see il amazed. 


The Chamber is beautifully crafted with rich imagery Пот The Lord of 


($9) S&H. 


The Lord ће Figs The бон ofthe Ring and би characters and places there Ура Рух Company ЙЫ» 
x Tekan Entorses under Вана t e Uns Produk nc A oit пега 
— @ 2001 ew Une Productions, Night Агата 
Ж ты Sal Zante Company e/a Tolkien Enterprises underlkense to New Line Producten, Inc. M qhu Reserved, 


4 Guardians 
s: of Time 
» Hourglass 


By Bob Eggleton 


کے 
Now you can be the master The Dragon ‚Master Rin 4‏ 
‘of your own time, with an <‏ 
exquisite hourglass in the by Greg and Tim Hildebrandt‏ 
elaborately simple style of q‏ 
Medieval Umekeeping Based The power of ihe dragon's lame to Ignite the soul and‏ 
оп authentic period pieces Imagination, This is the inspiration for the Dragon Master‏ 
Ring. Designed by renowned Dragon masters, Greg and‏ 


К sce Tim Hildebrandt, whose dramatic works are prized around 
КОО he master of the world by museums and collectors. 

‚your own time and destiny. A signet ring for the man who possesses the spirit of the 
Accented in 24 karat gold dragon. In genuine sterling silver, accented in 24 karat 


Measures approximately gold and inlaid with a faceted onyx. 
10 Inches in height. 


unm NV7767 $125 
БЫША 1 (512) S&H 
($15) S&H available in five payments of $25 


available in five 
payments of $39 


The Ultimate Fantasy Chess Set 


The Clash of Ages 


By Boris Vallejo and Julie Bell 


Fantasy artists Boris Vallejo and his wife Julie Bell Each piece Is a masterwork In itself—spectacularly 
have reached deep Into the recesses of their combined detailed and imaginative. The board Is equally 

істі to crfate the most incredible work of fantasy art they cxciting..a battlefield in peril supported by chained 

f ые undertaken. On one side, classic figures representing beasts on each side. The comers are torches set with 
the barbarian order of fantasy powers- beautifully cunning and | brilliant cabochons identifying, cach opposing side. 
exptically powerful. On the other side, the future order— Crafted in fine pewter and crystalline luche. Board 
ruthlessly sleck and coldly sensual. measures 22 x 22 inches In length. 


1-800-866-2538 


Order Code = PBZAI 


NN0300 $795 
(525) S&H 
avallable In five 
payments of $159 


ome 


UNCONDITIONAL GUARANTEE 
Ifyou are not absolutely delighted with your purchase, 


‚you may return it within 30 days 
for a full refund or exchange. 


The Dragon Fire 


Incense Burner 


by Greg and Tim Hildebrand! 


> < ah The Serpent Queen _ 


By Boris Vallejo 


The magnificent dragon 
seems suspended in air, 
with burning red eyes of 
‘Swarovski crystal. The 
glittering crystal clear 
ball blends the exolic scent 
of dreams and fantasies. 


From the imagination of arlist Boris 
Vallejo comes this intriguing dagger 
of beauty. Sensuously sculpled. 

Crafted Кот stainless steel, Й 
fine pewter and accented In 24 
karat gold. 12 inches in height 


12 inches in height. ІМ00820 $97.50 
($9) S&H 
دا‎ NA available In five 
($12) S&H payments of $19.50 
available In five 
payments ol $29 
Single Pedestal Display 
NT8800 $27.50 


($3) S&H 


IET о Ве“: 


— 


evolutionary 
Guillotine 
Cigar Cutter 


The French turned 
beheading into an art form. 
The Noble Collection artists 
have now given this twisted 
classic a new life. A working, 
model, with a real stainless 
steel blade, mounted on gold 
plated framework. Detailed 
down to the bucket that 
fortunately now receives only 
cigar tips. 8 inches In height. 


The Noble Collection о 
PO. Box 1476, Sterling, VA 20167 


Duc to limited availabilty on certain tems, please order now for prompt бейле 


Name 
Addrc 


Исп# 


№9220 $97.50 
($9) S&H 

available In five 
payments of $19.50 


ment metho 


= 


E 


It is the most widely recognized symbol 


of freedom and courage in the world. The 


American Eagle. Proudly displayed 
through adversity and triumph. it is the 
the American spiril. 
Determined, resourceful. and fiercely 
independent. Crafted in sterling silver and 
plated in 24 karat gold. the classic Eagle 
bears the arrows of war and the branches 
of peace in his talons. Dramatically 
displayed on a background of genuine 
lapis, he spreads his wings in a glorious 
salute to a nation born of the will to be 
for the man who 

to show his true colors are red. 

white and blue 


eas RT 
BRO @ROUCHING TIGER 7 


HIDDEN DRAGON X 


Spellbinding sword-wielding fighters Поз: featherlike on bamboo leaves and 
dance through the night sky in a balle of mortal combat. Honor. Strength. 
The power of good. And the determination of evil. These are the elements 
that define one of the most highly acclaimed films in decades. 


One thing true and meaningful is the focal point of the story... Green 
Destiny: Revered sword of magical power. Now, the only officially authorized 
recreation of this clegant sword is brought to you by The Noble Collection 
through a special arrangement with Sony Pictures. Exactly like the film's 
original, this is a collector piece destined to make history. 


This high quality reproduction comes complete with scabbard and elegant 
black lacquer wooden presentation box authentic to the film's sword case. 

A collector piece to cherish. Sword measures 42 inches in length. Miniature 
letter opener size is also available with scabbard and wood display 

Letter opener measures 9 inches in length. 


шат: е TREGREEN DESTINY 
ШЫ LEITER OPENER 


payments of $59 


The Green Destiny 


es Е 800- 866- 2538 


($6) S&H Order Code — PBZAI 


‘Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon: TM & © 2001 усм LLC 
and United China Visions, Incorporated. All Rights Reserved. 


explain that Bailley, a young Washing- 
ton attorney, had just been indicted for 
extortion, racketeering and prostitution. 

This story surfaced in the local news- 
papers. Time magazine published a brief 
article about Bailley, but it never became 
a serious sex scandal. He was quickly 
and correctly perceived as a man who 
had serious psychological problems. His 
victims were primarily college girls and 
young professional women. After ВаШеу 
was released from St. Elizabeth's mental 
hospital in Washington—where a federal 
judge had sent him for observation—he 
pled guilty to one charge and was sent to 
prison. After his release, he invented the 
story that he was running a call-girl ring 
at the Democratic headquarters at the 
Watergate, which was the real reason for 
the Watergate break-in. For decades he 
tried to peddle his story. He finally found 
a writer willing to believe any conspiracy 
theory about anything, including Water- 
gate. His story is pure fiction. 

Watergate had nothing to do with sex, 
but it did expose the underbelly of the 
Nixon presidency. As a result of the in- 
vestigation, I learned about Nixon's ef- 
fort to create a sex scandal for Sena- 
tor Edward Kennedy. Nixon had special 
counsel Chuck Colson undertake the 
dirty deed. Colson hired a detective to 
follow Kennedy when he went to Paris 
in 1970 for Charles de Gaulle's funeral. 
Colson ended up with photographs of 
the married senator dancing until dawn 
with an Italian princess (one was even 
published in the National Enquirer). The 
mainstream media would not touch 
them. The year before, in an attempt to 
maximize the scandal after the accident 
at Chappaquiddick, Nixon had his own 
investigator try to uncover and leak in- 
formation to the press. The effort failed, 
largely because other newspeople did 
not want a sex story. But Nixon kept 
Kennedy under surveillance whenever 
possible. As Haldeman later explained, 
Nixon hoped "to catch Kennedy in the 
sack with one of his babes." He didn't, 
and given the media's ethos at the time, 
if Nixon had uncovered such infor- 
mation, it would likely never have been 
published. 

Ihe rules of the media regarding 
Washington sex scandals have obvious- 
ly changed. I have no doubt about what 
triggered the change, for I was sitting in 
a front row seat when it happened. The 
Watergate scandal's revelations, along. 
with the culmination of the divisive Viet- 
nam war, had a profound impact on 
journalism. The media gave Washington 
officials the benefit of the doubt before 
Watergate. Newspeople ignored the pri 
vate lives of public officials —when Eisen- 
hower lied about aerial reconnaissance 
flights, no reporter questioned him. 
When Johnson lied about events in Viet- 
nam, he got away with it. After Water- 
gate and Vietnam, however, journalists 


LONDON LADIES LET LOOSE: Soy Poms ince! 


PLAYBOY'S BOOK OF 


Y 


The Book of 
Lingerie is 
back in black! 


ORDER DNLINE 
www.playboystore.com 
ORDER TOLL-FREE 000-423-9494 
Most major credit cards accapted. 
Sourca Coda 02312. DRDER BY 
MAIL Include credit card account 
mumbar and axpirallon data or 
send check or money order to 
Playboy, PO. Box 809, Source 
Code 02312, Itasca, Minois 80143- 
0809. Add $3.80 shipping and han- 
ding charge per total ordar. Ilinois 
residants includa 6.75% sales 
tax. Canadian orders accepted. 
(Piaase visit our wabalte for other 
foreign orders.) 


Slip Into 


coven сілі. 


Now you can subscribs to Playboy's 
Book of Lingerie. For just $30.95 
($49.17 in Canade—inc, $322 GST), 
you'll gst six issues delivered to your 
door. Үош' also recalva Playboy's 
бану, Steamy, Sultry video froo with 
your pald subscription. Order by 
phone: Сай 1-800-738-8558 and use 
your credit card. Order by тай: Send 
heck or monay order to Playboy's 
Book of Lingario, P.O. Box 3266, 
Harlan, lowa 51593 (include special 
code HME1000). 


NEWSSTAN NOW 


Get all you want from sex and truly satisfy 
your partner. Just imagine what you can do 
equipped with the 10 most powerful secrets 
to great sex! In this hour-long video, 13 
erotic couples explicitly demonstrate proven 
techniques and skills guaranteed to bring 
more excitement and intense satisfaction 
| 10 your lovemaking, 


Get 10 Secrets to Great Sex for 
Y only $9 plus get a FREE video: 
Advanced Oral Sex Techniques with 
every order! Discover expert techniques 
for amazing oral sex in just 30 minutes 


100% SATISFACTION GUARANTEED. 


For fastest service or a FREE catalog call: 
1-800-955-0888 ext. 8PB99 


Advanced Oral Sex Techniques (#1521) FREE 
(Free with Purchase) 
10 Secrets to Great Sex (41786) $995 
v һап +00 
TOTAL 
м 
wuwhettersexeom È АЛ 
Уж г, 
ETE 
+“ Е cue Бъд 
=> ¿ones Onkr Che МВА МС ыла IAMEN 
р 
С ОО т... cy EMT 
| ЕЙ колле fd caes tar. Crain orden add S5 shipping. 


Som -no сый COD. 199 


ръьлувот 


understood that they had missed Nix- 
оп abuses of power, and had let several 
presidents mislead the American people 
about the war. By the time Nixon re- 
ned in shame, the media had adopted 
its no-more-Mr.-Nice-Guy attitude to- 
ward all Washington officials. It has nev- 
er been the same since. 

The new outlook became apparent 
when Congressman Wilbur Mills, who'd 
been stopped by police for speeding, was 
discovered with stripper Fanne Foxe at 
two am. at the Potomac River's tidal ba- 
sin. The congressman had deep scratch- 
es on his face; Foxe had two black eyes. 
He was drunk, and she had to be pulled 
out of the water. While no arrests were 
made, the media chased this story like 
flies after garbage. Mills, the Ways and 
Means chairman who at that point had 
served in Congress for 36 years, couldn't 
sober up fast enough to figure out what 
had happened in Washington. A few 
months later, an intoxicated Mills fol- 
lowed Foxe to Boston, where she per- 
formed at the Boston Burlesque Theater 
as “the Tidal Basin bombshell” —with 
the media on the story. Mills would soon 
slide from office, first resigning his chair- 
manship, then retiring from Congress 
two years later. Little about this affair 
escaped coverage. Foxe signed a book 
deal, reviving the genre of the Washing- 
ton ress tell-all. Times had changed. 

Washington old-timers didn't imme- 
diately notice the new media vigilance. 
As Wilbur Mills was falling from grace, 
Ohio Representative Wayne Hays was 
adding his mistress, Elizabeth Ray, to 
his congressional payroll. Two years 
er, when Hays married his Ohio office 
manager, he could not keep his mistress. 
Hays expected Ray (after he told her 
what the Mafia could do to girls who 
talked) to disappear. Fearing for her life, 


Ray went to The Washington Post to pro- 
tect herself. She told them she worked as 
a secretary for Hays, but explained, “I 
can't type, I can't file, I can't even answer 
the phone.” She said her only responsi- 
bility, for which she was paid the full sal- 
ary of a congressional secretary, was to 
have sex with Hays. 

At the time the Ray story broke, I was 
g on a story about the 1976 Re- 
publican Convention for Rolling Stone. 1 
thought I would interview Ray. Her new 
book, The Washington Fringe Benefit, was 
causing a stir, because it implied she'd had 
sex with other members of Congress. 

When I arrived at her high-rise apart- 
ment, she was wearing blue jeans and a 
tight red sweater that accentuated her 
best features. Her long blonde hair 
looked like it had just been washed. She 
was pretty. After a few warm-up ques- 
tions to get comfortable, we got to the 
nitty-gritty. But it was soon clear that she 
wasn't going to name names, at least not 
on the record. 1 was curious as to how 
she'd gotten involved. She struck me as 
naive, almost innocent. "Do you know 
why you got involved as you did? 

"Sometimes I've wondered if 1 was re- 
ally stupid or what. Гуе tried to analyze 
this, to see if I was the dumbest girl іп 
the world to get into what I did. But I 
didn't think I had any choice. I was used 
for going out with other men, I mean, I 
was used in every kind of way.” Her look 
left little to the imagination. 

“So, if you had to advise other girls?” 

“1 would tell them to try not to get in- 
to that kind of situation. I'd tell them 
that it's not glamorous like I thought it 
was. It's not that way at all. You pay for 
every minute of glamour. You really pay, 
emotionally and physically, for every bit 
of the excitement of power,” she ex- 
plained with feeling. Elizabeth Ray had 


(Te DOWNSIDE Te CHRISTMAS MPRNING... 


been looking for Prince Charming. She 
had decided there were no princes, and 
little real charm, on Capitol Hill 

Thad gathered some t 
al (she had told me she'd had an affair 
with Vice President Hubert Humphrey), 
but Га lost interest in the story. This 
woman had been exploited by enough 
men in Washington. It was time to leave. 
As 1 packed my tape recorder, she asked, 
“Would you like to see my pictures?” She 
batted her eyes coquettishly. I must have 
blushed, because she sighed and add- 
ed, “You don't have to, of course. I just 
thought you might like to." 
ure," I said. 

She disappeared into her bedroom 
and reappeared carrying a large folder 
from which she pulled a 10"x 12" in-liv- 
ing-color photo of herself, nude. "This is 
the one PLAYEOY is using,” she observed 
“Do you like it?” 

“Why, yes," 1 said, feeling my face 
flush. Her body was lovely, sensuous and 
soft-looking. 1 doubted my wife was go- 
ing to think too keenly about this phase 
of the interview. 

“How about this one? Actually, I like it 
better,” she said, pulling another reveal- 
ing picture from her folder. 

“You certainly photograph beautiful- 
ly,” I said, my embarrassment and guilt 
vying to see which would get me out the 
door first. Back at my hotel, I made a 
few notes in my diary about the inter- 
view, “Thanks to Watergate, Wayne Hays 
didn’t have a chance.” Earlier I had vis- 
iend, a seasoned Newsweek re- 
porter. I closed my diary entry on June 
28, 1976, thinking about that conversa- 
tion: “John Lindsay is right. Washington 
is not a very pleasant place in the after- 
math of Watergate.” 

Watergate changed the rules. Con- 

gressman Condit's outrage at the me- 
dia's attention to his private life is mi 
placed. Newspeople are doing to 
only what they have done to others for 
ast three decades. 
g 200 years of Washing- 
ton sex scandals, looking particularly at 
those of recent vintage, one fact became 
evident to me: It's not the sex, but the ly- 
ing about it that causes most of the trou- 
ble. That fact posed the greatest prob- 
lem for Gary Condit. Just as those of us 
involved with Watergate at the Nixon 
White House provided a guide for what 
not to do with a president who abuses 
the powers of his office, Condit has writ- 
ten his own book on how not to handle a 
Washington sex scandal. 

Writing more than 2000 years ago, 
Plutarch observed: “Statesmen not 
only liable to give account of what they 
say or do in public, but there is a busy 
inquiry ы made into their very 


sportive or seriou 
ignored history at 


action.” Gary Condit 
is peril. 


517 THINGS 


AT THE TOP OF НЕК 


тм Ней 


PLAYBOY 


202 


BASKETBALL мыша ion page 148) 


The Blue Devils return the best backcourt in the na- 
lion, a jel-quick combo that can score from anywhere. 


chances at tournament time. Add in wins 
over Duke, Maryland, North Carolina 
and Tennessee, and UVA spirit was high 
until a shocking first-round NCAA loss 
to Gonzaga. Because four starters from 
that squad are returning, Cavaliers fans 
can't wait for the new season to begin. 
Expect a solid season from point guard 
Majestic Mapp, who missed last season 
with a knee injury. This club has reliable 


scoring and veteran leadership, and if 


Mapp returns to full strength, Virginia 
will be a contender. 


(11) ST. JOSEPH'S 


When Playboy All-America Marvin 
O'Connor coolly scored 37 points versus 
Stanford in last year's NCAA tourna- 


ment, it brought national attention to a 
team that could do even better this sea- 
son. With O'Connor spurning the NBA 
and returning for his senior scason, he 
and running mate Jameer Nelson will 
make up one of the most formidable back- 
courts in the nation, The Hawks can run, 
but they need solid inside play from Bill 
Phillips as well as a boost on the front 
line. How well coach Phil Martelli's troops 
handle the pressure of national attention 
and a high ranking remains to be seen. 
One thing is certain: They have the perim- 
eter firepower to get to the Big Dance. 


(12) FRESNO STATE 


Fresno State fans had high expecta- 
tions at the end of last season, but the 


“This brand never fails. However, you'll need 
a prescription from his doctor.” 


loss of guard Tito Maddox was a blow 
for the Bulldogs. He was dismissed in 
mid-August alter the school learned of 
his dealings with a sports agent. Mad- 
dox, who was the WAC newcomer of the 
year last season and finished fourth in 
the nation in assists with eight a game, 
would have been a key component in 
what promised to be a loaded Bulldogs 
squad. Small forward Chris Jefferies 
must now step up his scoring as well as 
take over as team leader. FSU will win 
most battles in the paint with post player 
Melvin Ely. He is not only a scorer and 
rebounder but also a solid shot block- 
er who intimidates opposing offenses. 
Fresno State would have been a possible 
Final Four team with Maddox in the 
lineup. 


(13) BOSTON COLLEGE 


Coach Al Skinner's Eagles made the 
national rankings last year, climbing into 
the top 10 when most experts thought 
they were at least a year away. Now the 
team will have to deal with increased ex- 
pectations as well as defensive game 
plans designed to stop standout guard 
‘Troy Bell, who averaged 20 ppg last sea- 
son. Bell needs help inside and will get 
it from junior Uka Agbai (6'8”, 245). Ad- 
ditional muscle will come from Andrew 
Bryant and scoring punch from Kenny 
Walls and Ryan Sidney, who combined 
for nearly 17 ppg last season. The Eagles 
snuck up on people last year. Now they'll 
find out what it's like to be everyone's 
“big game.” 


(14) TEMPLE 


The Owls boast one of the nation's 
biggest front lines, with 69, 245-pound 
Kevin Lyde returning to school after 
pulling his name out of the NBA draft 
He will team with 6710”, 290-pound Ron 
Rollerson to make Temple tough to stop 
in a half-court game. Standout guard 
Lynn Greer will have to pick up the slack, 
both as a scorer and as a leader, creat- 
ed by the graduation of Quincy Wadley. 
Wingman David Hawkins was impres- 
sive in his freshman season, but needs to 
improve his 10.4 points per game and 
become more of a factor on the boards. 
John Chaney's club struggled early last 
season, losing seven in a row in Decem- 
ber. But when an NCAA tourney berth 
was on the line, the team responded with 
a strong run that fell one game short of 
making the Final Four. There are ru- 
mors that this could be Coach Chaney's 
last season. 


(15) GEORGETOWN 


Despite the loss of guard Demetrius 
Hunter, who surprised the Hoya faithful 
when he decided to transfer to Nevada— 
Las Vegas over the summer, there is 
enough talent to take Georgetown back 
to the glory days of the Eighties and ear- 
ly Nineties. Georgetown returns three 
starters from last season's NCAA team, 


rears 
atendard 


The sexy way to keep track of your 
2002 appointments. 


em 


_ ي 


\ Е 

| Е ee mare 
| SUN. = wan. 
| 


om | 
ў === 
vr на 


т маш 


STC 


E 
exor мака DE 


че 
\ 


те 
» 


2002 Playboy Lingerie Calendar 

The Bernaola twins make it a baker's dozen Playmates who appear 
in this 12-month calendar, and they're all clad in nothing but the 
sexiest intimate wear we could find! Also featuring cover girl Jaime 
Bergman, Nicole Marie Lenz, Summer Altice, Shannon Stewart, 
Buffy Tyler, Neferteri Shepherd, Nichole Van Croft, Brooke Berry, 
Brande Roderick, Cara Wakelin and Stacy Fuson. 

A. NL7365 $14.99 


A 


2002 Playboy Playmate Calendars 

Cover girl and 2001 PMOY Brande Roderick appears in these 
sensational 12-month calendars, along with Irina Voronina, Lauren 
Michelle Hill, Shannon Stewart, Victoria Silvstedt, Summer Altice, 
Buffy Tyler, Nicole Van Croft, Neferteri Shepherd, Heather Kozar, 
Crista Nicole and Cara Michelle! Full nudity. 

В. NLCC2002W Wall 56.95 

с. NLGC2002D Desk $6.95 


2002 Nudes Calendar 

Featuring images trom Playboy Special Editions’ Nudes series. 
Full nudity. 12" x 12". ДА 

D. NL7677 $12.95 Быш (ж = 


2002 College Girls Calandar 


Feallinaimanes from PlayBoy Special Editions’ College Gins series. ОНОЕН ONLINE www: playboystore.com 


Full nudity. 12" x 12". ORDER TOLL-FREE 800-423-9494 Most major credit cards accepted. 
E.NL7678 $12.95 Source Code 02312. ORDER BY MAIL Include credit card account number 

Е and expiration date or send a check or money order to Playboy, РО. Box 
2002 Book of Lingerie Calendar А 6609, Source Code 02312, Itasca, Illinois 60143-0809. Add $3.50 shipping апа 
a Опа eo УрО раса! Editions] Book of ingens handling charge per total order. Illinois residents include 6.75% sales tax. 
o pee УЧЫ Canadian orders accepted (please visit our website for other foreign orders). 


Drink responsibly. 


1 Part Diva 
1 Part Gyroscope 
1 Part Charo 


Bring it out 


a... 
000 
EOD 
скица 
OOO 

жэ, 
O 


D000 
ee 


THE VICTIMS, 
TAKE 

CARE OF 
THEIR 

FAMILIES 


www.libertyunites.org, www.helping.org, 
www.uwnyc org, WWW.magazine.org 


Michelob Light Playboy Triple 


Platinum 5) 


weepstakes Official Rules 


including Playboy All-America forward 
Michael Sweetney, a wide body who can 
score and rebound. He will team with 
Wesley Wilson to give coach Craig Esh- 
erick a rugged one-two punch. In the 
backcourt, Kevin Braswell must be more 
consistent with his three-point shot to 
open up the paint for the Georgetown 
big men. Braswell is the school's all- 
time steals leader and ranks in the top 
five for assists. 


(16) MEMPHIS 


John Calipari tried the NBA, but while 
he liked the professional payday, his in- 
tense coaching style is better suited to 
the college game. He already has the 
Tigers vying for national prominence. 
Memphis returns a talented squad that is 
led by Kelly Wise and Scooter McFad- 
gon—just the sort of experienced play- 
ers that coach Calipari needs to blend 
with one of the nation’s best recruit- 
ing classes. The player everyone will be 
watching is freshman guard Dajuan 
Wagner, who was among the top five 
players in high school last season and 
scored 100 points in one game. Wagner 
could make a real difference. Although 
this team needs some time to jell, when it 
does, look out. 


(17) CONNECTICUT 


The Huskies have slipped a bit and 
need a strong season from their guards 
to become a legitimate threat to win the 
Big East and return to the NCAA tour- 
nament after a trip to the NIT last sea- 
son. Taliek Brown and Tony Robertson 
must step up their performances to 
support talented forward 
Robert Swain and Ben ( 
make an impact as scorers, while John- 
nie Selvie is the primary low-post threat. 
A freshman with promise is 69” Emeka 
Okafor. 


(18) SYRACUSE, 


Senior forward Preston Shumpert re- 
turns after a breakout junior year in 
which he averaged nearly 20 points per 
game. He's a great shot maker but will 
need help if the Orangemen are to sur- 
prise again on the national level. Depth 
inside is a question for Jim Bocheim’s 
team. To seriously compete, he'll need 
solid contributions from Jeremy McNeil 
or seven-foot freshman Craig Forth. 
Freshman Billy Edelin has big scoring 
potential but needs time to learn his 
role in the offense as he competes with 
Shumpert and DeShaun Williams for 
shots. Boeheim is one of the best in the 
business and has the skill to nudge this 
team into the top 10. 


(19) OKLAHOMA S1 


Oklahoma State was forced to deal 
with tragedy last year after a midseason 
plane crash claimed the lives of sever- 
al members of its basketball family. The 
Cowboys are committed to succeeding 


ANDRIY 


COLLECTION CATALOX 


You can trust us! 


100% 3-way Guarantee: 


We guarantee your PRIVACY. 
* Your name will never be 
released to other companies. 


We guarantee product QUALITY. 
We guarantee SATISFACTION 


Xandria has been in business 
г more than 25 years with over 
2 million satisfied customers. 


Order Today! 


To see our complete collection 
of quality products visit: 


Click Here 


Or, send $4 for our Gold Collector's 
Ena now, and we'll ship it with а coupon 
good for $4 OFF your first purchase. 


¡THE XANDRIA COLLECTION; 


Dept. PB1201, PO. Box 31039, San Francisco, CA 94131-9988 
Please send me the Xandria Gold Edition Catalogue 
with my $4 credit toward my 1st purchase, Enclosed is a 
check or money order for $4 ($5 Canada, £3 UK) 


am over2} 
ee 


State i 
ania 165 Valley Dr, san, CA 94005 1340 vo ee red by We 


E 


PLAYBOY 


this year, and with their top five scorers 
returning, they should be one of the 
stronger teams in the Big 12 conference 
Maurice Baker and Fredrik Jonzen lead 
a balanced attack that has size, quickness 
and experience, and if the team gets sig- 
nificant contributions from the bench, 
they could make this a season to remem- 
ber in Stillwater. 


(20) STANFORD 


Any team with a player as talented as 
Playboy All-America Casey Jacobsen will 
be tough to beat, but the Cardinal suf- 
fered some heavy losses from last sea- 
son's 31-3 squad. Jacobsen needs help 
from seven-foot Curtis Borchardt. In 
addition to staying healthy, Borchardt 
must prove he is more than just a de- 
fensive presence and must put up some 
points. Another player who has to step 


up his game this season is junior guard 
Julius Barnes. The Cardinal has been 
living in the catbird seat for a while, 
but now it seems to be headed back to 
the ground. 


(21) MISSISS] 


If the Rebels maintain their stellar de- 
fensive play, they could emerge as one 
of the top teams in the Southeastern 
Conference. Ole Miss returns 68” Justin 
Reed, whose 11 points per game and 5.9 
rebounds per game make him a force on 
the low post. Guards Aaron Harper and 
Jason Harrison need to develop more 
consistency when shooting from the 
three-point stripe and must spark the 
Rebels’ transition game. Interior depth 
will be this team’s big question, and if it's 
answered positively, coach Rod Barnes 
will have another winner on his hands. 


“Oh, my goodness, Mr. Moore! And you're not even on my 
Christmas card list!” 


(22) UTAH. 


The Utes suffered through last sea- 
son without the team’s most important 
ingredient—Rick Majerus. The rotund 
coach took the season off because of 
health problems—both his and his moth- 
er's. Now Majerus is back and looking 
forward to the season. He's especially ex- 
cited when he looks down his bench to 
see nine lettermen returning. Best of all, 
that includes all five starters. Chris Bur- 
gess, Travis Spivey and Britton Johnsen 
form the center of a team that should 
win the Mountain West Conference title. 
Add MWC Freshman of the Year Nick 
Jacobson, who was third on the team in 
scoring, and you have the ingredients 
necessary for coach Majerus to cook up a 
winner. 


(29) TEXAS 


Rick Barnes has done a solid job re- 
building the Longhorns. Now his chal- 
lenge will be to replace Maurice Evans 
and Darren Kelly, who combined to 
score 30.9 ppg and grab 9.9 rebounds 
per game. Texas' best scoring threats 
will be 68” Chris Owens (14.4 points per 
game last season) and the inside play of 
6'8” James Thomas, who provides UT 
with toughness on the low post. Fresh- 
man point guard TJ. Ford will be ex- 
pected to run the show, defending and 
keeping defenses honest from beyond 
the arc. 


(24) ALABAMA 


Great things were expected from this 
team when superstar forward Gerald 
Wallace burst onto the scene a year ago 
as one of the most coveted recruits in 
Bama history. However, the squad never 
made its mark, and road woes kept the 
Tide from making the Big Dance, forc- 
ing them to settle for a berth in the NIT. 
Wallace has now taken his act to the 
NBA, but there is still an impressive 
boatload of talent for coach Mark Gott- 
fried. Freshman point guard Maurice 
Williams will be expected to run an ol- 
fense that should have strong scorers in 
Rod Grizzard and Erwin Dudley along 
the front line. 


(25) GONZAGA 


Dan Dickau is a prime-time player 
who is among the nation’s best point 
guards. Backcourt partner Blake Stepp 
is excellent as well. They are both top 
scorers and combine to make the Bull- 
dogs tough to defend. The key to this 
club's shot at another deep run in the 
NCAA tourney is side game, which 
will lean on Zach Gourde as a scorer on 
the low post. If Gourde gets any signifi- 
cant help on the boards and Dickau and 
Stepp live up to expectations, the Zags 
could march in the NCAA tournament 


once again. 


ple up and to get them to re: 
maybe they weren't accurate in their 
perception of a Playboy Playmate,” 
Danelle says. “It's a fun way to inter- 
act with the listeners.” Doug Harris, 
marketing consultant for KLOL- 
FM, has been contacted by several 
sponsors in the U.S. and Canada 
who are interested in Playmate-cen- 
tric programming. Stay tuned for 
future broadcasts. “When you see a 
Playmate in the magazine,” Harris 
says, “you're taken by her beauty. 
But when you listen to her on the 

radio for four hours, you really get 

to know her. That appeals to the 
American male.” 


RABBIT RADIO 


ENGAGED 


We hate to tell 
you, but Jaime 
n, who 


B.J. Cummings 
on Howard 
Stern's TV show 
Son of the Beach, 
is off the market. 
The lucky man? 
Angel front man 
David Boreanaz, 
who proposed to 
Jaime on a mountaintop in the Cali- 
fornia desert. The couple has yet to 


Top: Broodcosters for the week Reneé Teni- 
son, Donelle Folia, Jessico Lee, Kerisso Fore 
ond Coro Wakelin, Above: Kerisso, Coro and 
Jessica toke over the Houston airwaves, much 
lo the enjoyment of KLOL-FM listeners 


Listeners who tuned in to Hous- 
ton's KLOL-FM this summer were 
grected with a sweet surprise: Play- 
mates on the airwaves. For one weck, 
Danelle Folta, Jessica Lee, Cara Wake- 
lin, Renee Tenison, Stacy Fuson and 

erissa Fare filled in for the vacation- 


Liv Lindeland 

December 12: Miss September 1993 
Carrie Westcott 

December 14: Miss July 1968 


Melodye Prentiss 

December 16: Miss October 1981 
Kelly Tough 

December 23: Miss March 1979 
Denise McConnell 


ing morning team of Grego Ргиси 
and the Boner. The Centerfolds were 
paired up to host a variety of seg- 
ments, including Playmate Wake-Up 
Calls, Playmates in the News, Playboy 
Party Jokes, Centerfolds on Sex, 
Playboy After Hours and Playmate 
Pick-Up Lines. “I love to shake peo- 


Ina period of his 
"the Captain's Paradis 
juggled girlfriends 
оп Opposite sides 
of the country: 
Miss December 
1971 and Chica- 
go Mansion god- 
dess Karen 
Christy and 
Barbi Benton, 
who never be- 
came a Play- 
mate but lived 
at Playboy 
Mansion West 
in Los Ange- 
les. “I was 
crazy about 
Karen,” Hef 
says. “When 
Ж with Коеп Cham 
Karen became too intense, I 
Jost Barbi, and when I tried to 
put that romance back togeth- 
er, I lost Karen." 


seta wedding date, but this news brief 
begs the question, What is it with rich, 
good-looking TV stars snagging all 
the hot women? 


By conducting interviews with fel- 
low Playmates on her cable-access 
talk show, Under Our Skin, Victoria Val- 
entino is debunking the theory that 
beauty is only skin deep. “I love to 
talk about women and discover the 
voices behind their photographic im- 
ages,” Victoria says. “My sisters in his- 
tory are wonderful. Each has a beat- 
ing heart, a deep soul, talent and a 
good brain, but since the moment 
their Centerfolds came out, men 
have been objectifying them. I love to 
give them a venue where they can let 
the world know who they are and 
break the stereotypes that surround 


РЕ N ге 
LEGE IY 


pin-ups. Lillian Müller was a guest 
on my show. She's nearly 50 and she 
looks fabulous. 
She cracked ev- 
eryone up. She 
is full of energy 
and positivity. 
Her face doesn't 
have a single 
wrinkle and her 
body is as tight 
as ever. That 
woman has de- 
signer genes." 


"The first time I saw Hef after 
many years was at Glamourcon 
in 1995. I said, "Darling, the last 
time I saw you, my legs were 
over your shoulders." He said, "I 
remember that." 


1 just hate my Centerfold. Too 
much eye shadow and hair. No 
one thinks it's me. --Ауа Fobion 


Yes, 1 have implants. I used to 
be an A cup. They've made me 
morc confident. I feel morc like a 
woman now —Dolene Kurtis 


Quick, nome your 
favorite famous 
triplets besides 
Erica, Jaclyn and 
Nicole Dahm. 
Stumped? Thot's 
becouse our titil- 
lating trio has 
cornered the Hol- 
lywood market. 


Clockwise from top left: 
Taking on Lil’ Kim in the 
flick Juwanna Mann, 
shilling for Michelob Light, 
hosting a September issue 
release party with cover 
girl Jerri Monthey. 


PLAYMATE GOSSIP 


If you're looking for a cool 
stocking stuffer, pick up the 2002 
Suzi Simpson calendar (below). 
"I hope this calendar does well, 


А because the money is go- 


ing to Laura's House, a 
place where women and 
children can go when 
they've been beaten or 
— . need a safe place,” Suzi 
—  says...Pamela Ander- 
son and Kid Rock were named 
the Hot Get-a-Room couple in 
Rolling Stone's annual Hot Is- 
sue... - Julie McCullough and 
Rebekka Arm- 
strong teamed 
up with PETA 
and wore tee- 
ny-weeny let- 
tuce bikinis 
to protest 
National ¿SY 
Hot Dog a KI й 
Day in Wash- 
ington, D.C. The mot 
gals ate "not dogs" and h 
blasted meat-eating politicians 
with the slogan, “Let Vegetarian- 
ism Grow on You.” Julie speaks 
candidly about getting fired from 
the hit TV sitcom Growing Pains 
in the show's E True Hollywood 
Story episode. .. . The media 
frenzy surrounding the release 
of Bebe Buell's autobiography, 
Rebel Heart, included articles in 
Newsweek, Talk, W and Entertain- 


Tony Hovk is gome. 


ment Weekly. Bebe also hyped up 
her book on Bill Maher's Politi- 
cally Incorrect and on 20/20. . . 

Kerissa Fare, Deanna Brooks, 
Jessica Lee and Victoria Fuller 
‘dressed as World War II Army 
nurses to promote the video 
game Castle Wolfenstein at a Los 
Angeles Activision booth. Skate- 
board legend Tony Hawk (pic- 
tured) took a break from hawk- 
ing his eponymous game to hang 
with the girls. Can you blame 
the dude? 


1 
\ 


в ysujeGe 1023101 se 40 
Bupem 


Introducing Sequoia. 

Twist-off lid. Air lock can. 

Two unique flavors. 
‘Stand Tall 


7 


the corporate ladder. 


Е 
ЕН 
i. 
8 
E 
= 


Paul Masson Brandy. 
Good friends. Smooth times. 


wn, KY 40% Alcohol by 


Aged Longer. Tastes Smoother. 


TO Masson Cellars, Bardsto 
~ 
> 


Please enjoy Paul Masson Grande Amber Brendy responsibly. 


ihe scene 


WHAT'S HAPPENING, WHERE IT'S HAPPENING AND WHO'S MAKING IT HAPPEN 


HOLIDAY STRESSBUSTERS 


Us not the holiday hoopla that wears you out, 
it’s keeping up with everything else. So to 
help you get it together, we've assembled a 
bag of year-end tricks. How can you gel any 
last-minute shopping done when you've had 
too much eggnog? Easy. Use Samsung's 1300 
Palm Powered cell phone to double-check your 
Christmas list while you call stores to deliver. A 
Vantage Pro weather station by your bed will 
warn you if the commute isn't worth the effort. 
The LCD screen displays the temperature, hu- 
midity and rainfall totals. Holiday parties in 
variably fall on a night when the Knicks play г 
the 76ers. Record all the action on Panasonic's 
Showstopper TV, a 27-inch model with a 30- 
hour hard-disk recorder. One surefire stress- 
buster for any season is lingerie for her from 
playboystore.com. Just thinking about it makes 
us feel better already. — L BUHRMESTER 
PHOTOGRAPHY BY RICHARD ZUI 


WHERE AND HOW IO BLY ON PAGI 174 


Above: While we're out testing the limits of the term 
open bar at the company Christmas party, Panasonic’s 
27-inch TV and hard-disk recorder is programmed to 
record our favorite shows ($800). Next to it is Pommery 
Brut Millésimé 1995 champagne, which comes pack- 
aged in a designer ice bucket ($170). Left: Give her 
something you can enjoy: Playboy's sheer baby-doll 
top and thong ($46). Buy it at playboystore.com and 
stay warm by the fire with brandy and cigars. 


Left: The Vantage Pro 
weather station commu- 
nicates with an outdoor 
sensor (not pictured) to 
give sophisticated read- 
ings ($500). Samsung’s 
1300 is a combination 
PDA and cell phone with 
a full-color screen. It can 
act as a speakerphone, 
50 you can access your 
schedule and other in- 
formation while talking 
($500). Energy drinks are 
a great pick-me-up the 
morning after. Two of the 
latest, Hansen’s Energy 
and Hype Classic, both 
contain ginseng and tau- 
rine for a boost before 
your next holiday party 
(about $2 each). 


Ша среу! пе 
ч Nelly’s in the 


“Ç = Race to Stay 
Br It’s pretty cool when 
your first CD goes plat- 

1 inum. Just ask NELLY 
FURTADO about 
Whoa, Nelly. It's even 


cooler to open for 
U2. She did. 


Taking Care 
of Business 
PRISCILLA PRESLEY looks good in basic black. Next 
year she'll play the first lady on a TV drama, but she's 
already been the King's queen. 


APin 

of Lynch 

KELLY LYNCH has two movies out 
this year: The Slaughter Rule, a 
drama, and Joe Somebody, with 
Tim Allen. Kelly buckled up, but 
she isn't playing it safe. 


Hour Power 
The Rush Hour 2 team is too busy lo 
slow down. JACKIE CHAN has High- 
binders and The Tuxedo coming up. 
CHRIS TUCKER has Double-O-Soul 
and Guess Who's President? And 
ZHANG ZIYI finished 2046, Musa 
and The Legend of Zu. They kick ass. 


Playing 
With 

Keys 

ALICIA KEYS was 


discovered by 
Clive Davis, but 


the rest of the sto- 
D ry Is hers: a num- 
Y ber one platinum 


CD, Songs in A 
Minor, a tour 


with Maxwell and 


an MTY Video 
Music Award. 


What's Between 
Oceania and the 

Deep Blue Sea? 

Her bare assets are obvious. OCEANIA 
VAILLANCOURT has been an ESPN ring. 
girl, a spokesmodel for Budweiser and 


Corona and a promotional model for 
the XFL San Francisco Demons. 


ШиИйсірсиггі 


НЕКЕ СОМЕ5 
CHRISTMAS 


Most Christmas baskets 
contain the same old 
stuff: wines, cheeses, the 
dreaded fruitcake. Then 
there's adultgiftbaskets. 
com. Santa might come 
down the chimney and 
stay for this one. Get in 
the mood with a video— 
The Tantric Guide to Sexual 
Potency, an 85-minute 
XXX erotic romp that 
teaches you “how to 
prolong the sexual 
experience and 
reach heights of mu- 
tual satisfaction.” Tantric 
massage oil, Kama Sutra 
body powder, Lotion 
D'Amour (a raspberry- 
flavored edible oil), in- 
cense, candles, body glit- 
ter and a lingerie outfit 
are also in the basket— 
along with two vibrators 
and an erotic gizmo 
named the Purple Venus 
Butterfly П. The basket 
is as festive as the con- 
tents. Price: $175. 


SANTA RIDES AGAIN 


In Brazil he's Papai Noel, in the Czech Republic he's Svaty Mikalas and 
in Siberia he’s Dedt Moroz, but no matter how you say his name, Santa 
Claus is known everywhere. If you're intrigued with the fat man in the 
red suit, the Santa Map, “a cultural geography of the world’s most be- 
loved man," definitely belongs underneath your Christmas tree. It's 
loaded with such lore as a time line on Santa from prehistory to today 
and info on Santa books, movies, music, art, his house at the North 
Pole, and towns, islands, etc. named after him—plus a sleighful of other 

214 facts. Look for the map in stores or go to santamap.com. Price: $9.95. 


CALL OF THE WILD 


Anybody can hit the slopes on skis or 
snowboards. But if you want to go down 
hills on something different, check out 
K2 Corp.'s new Snowcycle 1.0. It features 
shaped skis for better control and a 
mountain-bike suspension that's easy on 
the backside. Price: $850, including a 
pair of foot skis. Call the company at 800- 
972-4063 for information on dealers and 
ski resorts that sell the Snowcycle. A K2 
Belly Bomber sled board is also available. 


SNIFF THE BEST 


The Rolls-Royce of Japanese incense 
companies is Shoyeido, a family firm in 
Kyoto that's been around for 12 gencra- 
tions. Prices for bundles of its incense 
range from $2.75 to almost $400. Order 
a catalog from Shoyeido's Boulder, Col- 
orado outlet at 800-786-5476 and you'll 
get a five-stick sampler pack. Trans- 
lucent Path (or sho-kaku), the expen- 
sive smoke, isn't one of them. 


DR. RUTH TELLS ALL 


aphrodisiacs than Dr. Ruth 
Westheimer, America's lead- 
ing sex therapist? Now she 
and Dr. Steven Kaplan have 
written Power: The Ultimate 
Aphrodisiac, a behind-the- 
scenes look at famous cou- 
plings, from biblical times to 
Jack and Jackie. With chap- 
ters titled “The Sultanate of 
Women: Sex and Power in 
the Ottoman Harem. E 
pean Unions: Political Mar- 
riages and Other Mismatches" 
and “JFK: All the Presidents 
Women," Pouer packs more 
punch than the tabloids. 
Price: $22.95, in bookstores. 


m 


Who would know more about. 


A а E 
rimate aphrodisiac P 


5. WE sTHEIME n 
ga 


WE’RE SPEECHLESS 


Artist Peter Kuper has a 
one-man show at Manhat- 
tan's Parsons School of De- 
sign from December 5th until 
January llth. In conjunction 
with the show, Top Shelf 
Productions has published 
Speechless, a collection of some 
of Kuper's best artwork, 
ranging from the cover for 
Aesop's Fables (pictured here) 
to the comic strip Jungleland 
and Mad magazine's Spy vs. 
Spy, which he's been illustrat- 
ing since 1997. Speechless is 
available in bookstores for 
$19.95. It will also be on sale 
at Parsons School. 


ART OF THE PLAYMATE 


Yes, that’s Shauna Sand, Miss 
May 1996, who's been ren- 
dered on wood by Italian 
artist Walter Girotto and then 
offered as a 39”х 99" giclée 
print in a limited edition of 
650. It's part of the Unique- 
ly Playmates series that can 
be found on the web at 
12-20art.com. Each print is 
numbered and signed by the 
artist and includes an em- 
bossed Rabbit Head logo and 
a certificate of authenticity. 
The price: $495. Look for 
gorgeous Devin De Vasquez, 
Miss June 1985, to be next in 
the Uniquely Playmate series, 


JEEPERS PEEPERS 


The ProVision 100 is the ultimate toy for Peep- 
ing Toms. Adjust its 18” cable to any position, 
look in the eyepiece, press a button on the han- 
dle and a powerful bulb illuminates wherever 
you're looking—behind walls, into engines, 
down drains, even up the chimney for you- 
know-who. Fiber optics are the secret. Price: 
$300 from Chicago Miniature Lamp at 888- 
398-1522, or go to provision100.com. You can't 
play doctor with it. The bulb gets hot. A clip- 
оп mirror and a magnet are also available 


COLLECTOR'S CHOICE 


Flammarion's series of books on collectibles are 
must-haves for connoisseurs of wristwatches, 
pocketknives or corkscrews. Each book has 
about 500 color illustrations devoted to its sub: 
ject. For example, the Spaceman watch pic- 
tured here was manufactured in Switzer- 
land in 1974. “The movement is 
mechanical and the watch is 
mounted directly onto 
the strap, a single 
piece of patent 
leather,” says 
René Pannier, 
author of 
Collectible 
Watches. 

Price: 
$14.95. 


Ше xt M O n 1 h : HOLIDAY ANNIVERSARY ISSUE 


PLAYMATE REVIEW. ROCK THE VOTE