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1 YOUR FACE

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AS STAR

TERRORIST

BREEDING

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YOU CAN

GET LUCKY

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A New Legacy Is Bonn. THE HERO COMMUNITY YOU HAVE TWO ТҮРЕЗ: Those
THAT FIGHT EVIL AND THOSE THAT HAPPEN TO BE AROUND WHALE OTHERS ARE
DOING THE FIGHTING, INTRODUCING JAK (THE FIGHTER) AND DANTER (UMM, THE
OTHER GUY). JOIN THEM AS THEY VOYAGE TO DEFY THE FORCES OF EVIL ON AN
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PRECURSOR LEGACY

сур!!!

HE was NAMED MVB, and his closest friend was shot to death.
That's how Allen Iverson, the best player in the NBA, will re-
member 2001. And that's how his year should be remem-
bered by all the people who can't get past his cornrows and
his tattoos. Iverson is the new NBA—uncompromising and
armed with a crossover move that would crack Bob Cousy's
ankles. He may be misunderstood, but he’s not an enigma
anymore, thanks to an intensely personal Playboy Interview
by Larry Platt. Then there's the transformation of Bret Boone.
For much of his career, this third-generation baller bounced
around the league putting up numbers apt for a journeyman
with a touch of avoirdupois. Then, in 2001, Boone set home
run and ribbie records for American League second base-
men. The secret behind his apotheosis? An iron man diet and
workout program outlined in The New, Improved (and Buff!)
Bret Boone by Mark Ribowsky. (The comical artwork is by J.J.
Sedelmaier.) Says Ribowsky: “Boone's idea of exercise is so rad-
ical, he will not get down on the ground before a game to
stretch with the team.” That part, at least, sounds like a work-
out we can get behind.

Mohamed Atta and his terrorist cohorts used Germany as a
doorway to the West. Once there, they hid in a shadowy ex-
patriate community of disaffected men from the Middle East.
In Sleepers, the German Connection, former Israeli detective
Yaron Sveray—with an assist from an unlikely Arab contact
filtrates the world of street hustlers and prostitutes that gave
cover to al Qaeda operatives. The article is as rich as a Scor-
sese movie, Read it, and worry.

Call it the porn paradox. As the acting in films got worse
over the years, the women grew exponentially more gor-
geous—and famous. In The Women of Porn pictorial by pho-
tographcr William Hawkes, we exalt these beautiful women as
we would any other celebrity—in classic PLAYBOY style. Rob Tan-
nenbaum, who tackles the world of online dating, would have
killed for an encouraging word from our dirty goddesses. In
SWM Seeks Sex, the one-man search engine relives every elec-
tronic diss and date that he experienced. Success, too, has its
downside. Too much sex drives the protagonist of our new RIVERA NOXON
short story psycho. In The Polyamorist by Gary S. Kadet (illus-
trated by Winston Smith), Rod the Pod stumbles across the key
10 bedding women: Hc ignores them.

Тоо much of a bad thing can turn hellish. Conventional wis-
dom holds that an addict's best shot at sobriety lies inside the
walls of a rehabilitation center. Some centers are famous for
their country club atmosphere and famous clients; others are
like boot camps. But why is there such a high rate of reci
vism (think Robert Downey Jr.)? The Trouble With Rehab by
Christopher Noxon presents a troubling truth: We know less
ness and its potential cures than we thought.
Shannyn Rivera did the artwork. Happily, we're addicted to co-
median Jamie Foxx. He busted it up on /n Living Color, then

ed it straight in Any Given Sunday. And he scored on tour
right before appearing in Ali. In this month's 20Q by Robert
Crane, Foxx keeps counterpunching. “I'm like the black Hugh
Hefner without the budget,” he says. We're game—particu-
larly when it comes to EverQuest. If you're already short of
time, then don't read about the cool computer accessories in
Broadband Battleground by Will O'Neal. Once you're hooked,
you'll never go offline again. What to say about Lady of the
Rings! Amy Hayes that she couldn't say better herself? Shot by
Gen Nishino, she’s boxing's first female ring announcer and a
technical knockout.

RIBOWSKY ж SEDELMAIER

HAWKES SVORAY

SMITH KADET TANNENBAUM
x -

Playboy (ISSN 0032-1478), March 2002, volume 49, number 3. Published monthly by Playboy іп national and regional editions, Playboy, 680
North Lake Shore Drive, Chicago, Illinois 60611. Periodicals postage paid at Chicago, Illinois and at additional mailing offices. Canada Post Cana-
dian Publications Май Sales Product Agreement No. 40035534. Subscriptions: in the U.S., $29.97 for 12 issues. Postmaster: Send address change to
Playboy, РО. Box 2007, Harlan, lowa 51537-4007. For subscription-related questions, e-mail circ ny playboy.com. Editorial: edit@playboycom. 3

Bombay Sapphire Martini
by David Rockwell

SAPPHIRE INSPIRED

ы... O ao И)

IMPORTED 1

vol. 49, по. 3—morch 2002

PLAYBOY

contents]

features

113

SLEEPERS—THE GERMAN CONNECTION

Three of the 9/11 hijackers were based in Germany, and countless others do terrorist
business there. Our undercover man dares to penetrate the Muslim community—and
finds the good guys (апа bad guys) aren't quite what they seem. BY YARON SVORAY
PLUS: “Following the Leads." Now it's all terribly obvious: Some of the baddest guys
on the planet used Germany as a home office. BY TIMOTHY МОНЕ

SWM SEEKS SEX
Models and freaks, submissives and dominatrices— finding a decent date online is
even harder than picking up a girl in a bar. BY ROB TANNENBAUM

THE TROUBLE WITH REHAB

Star power has brought attention and customers—even glamour—1o drug
treatment programs. There's just one problem. Rehab often doesn't work.
BY CHRISTOPHER NOXON

BROADBAND BATTLEGROUND
Online games like EverQuest hook hundreds of thousands in intense round-the-clock
combat. Try them once and you'll never sleep again. BY WILL O'NEAL

THE NEW, IMPROVED (AND BUFF!) BRET BOONE

Seemingly doomed to mediocrity, the Seattle Mariners’ Boone set the American
League mark last season for homers and RBI by a second baseman and became
one of the hottest free agents on the market. Here's the workout that made

him rich. BY MARK RIBOWSKY

CENTERFOLDS ON SEX: TISHARA COUSINO
Tishara likes her taint treated right. And she'll find your perineum, too.

20Q JAMIE FOXX
The star of Any Given Sunday is back in Ali. He talks about Fly Girls, spanking
Prince and providing finger food, his way. BY ROBERT CRANE

fiction

THE POLYAMORIST
Chicks loved his aloof shtick, And he loved the girls one after the next—until the
tables were turned. BY GARY 5. KADET

interview

ALLEN IVERSON

The NBA's MVP has finally made peace with Sixers coach Larry Brown.
But what about those taltoos? That rap CD? His reputation for trouble? The
wizardly ball handler insists he's not such а bad guy after all—and he never

gels scared. BY LARRY PLATT

cover story

A STAR IS PORN: PLAYBOY explores о new fron-
tier. Porn stors ore fanaticol in their devotion to
sex, as cover girls Kiro Kener, Dasho and Tero
Patrick con ottest. "It's only a motter of time be-
fore women toke over the industry altogether,”
soys porn queen Jenno Jameson. Are we sur-

prised? Our Robbit is typically hip.

vol. 49, по. 3—morch 2002

PLAYBOY

tents continued

pictorials

120

LADY OF THE RINGS!
With Amy Hayes inside the ropes,
no wonder two big, muscular guys
are trying to kill each other. The
woman's a technical knockout.

PLAYMATE: TINA JORDAN
Tina's high-speed hobbies

have earned her the nickname
Ms. Hot Rod.

THE WOMEN OF PORN
The biggest stars of video show
and tell what makes them hat. It’s
а must-read for fans of erotica.

notes and news

163

HEF'S FRIGHT NIGHT
Paul Sorvino and Jason Biggs
trick with Mr. Treat.

HALLOWEEN TWO

The fun continues with Dennis
Quaid, Bill Maher, David Spade
and the Dahm triplets.

THE PLAYBOY FORUM
Terrorist Quiz, Torture and
Occupied America.

PLAYMATE NEWS

A relaunched Operation Playmate,
Carmen Electra, Dr. Drew's fa-
vorite Playmate

departments

PLAYBILL

DEAR PLAYBOY
AFTER HOURS
WIRED

LIVING ONLINE

35 PLAYBOY TV
36 PLAYBOY.COM
37 MEN
39 MANTRACK
43 THE PLAYBOY ADVISOR
102 PARTY JOKES
156 WHERE AND HOW TO BUY
167 ON THE SCENE
168 GRAPEVINE
170 POTPOURRI
lifestyle
80 FASHION: TOUGH STUFF
Blend real life and exercise
with stretchy fabrics, climbing
clothes and workout wear.
BY JOSEPH DE ACETIS
114 BACK TO ANALOG
Why we love typewriters, turntables
and manual cameras.
reviews
28 MUSIC
Gov't Mule, Faith Evans,
the Dictators.
30 MOVIES
Sean Penn's I Am Sam, the very
noticeable Jacqueline Obradors.
32 VIDEO
Cops and firemen, Kevin Smith,
the art of Buster Keaton
34 BOOKS

Elmore Leonard, Irving Penn
nudes, Karen Finley Aroused.

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PLAYBOY

HUGH M. HEFNER
in-chief

editor

ARTHUR KRETCHMER editorial director
JONATHAN BLACK managing editor

TOM STAEBLER art director
GARY COLE photography director

JOHN REZEK associate managing editor

IN BUCKLEY, STEPHEN RANDALL executive editors
LEOPOLD FROEHLICH assistant managing editor

EDITORIAL
FORUM: JAMES R. PETERSEN senior staff writer;
assistant: MODERN LIVING: DAVID STEVEN

HIP ROWE associate editor; PATTY LAMBERTI editorial

editor; JASON BUMRMESTER assistant editor; DAN HENLEY
administrative assistant; STAFF: CHRISTOPHER NAPOLITANO Senior editor; ALISON LUNDGREN, BARBARA
NELLIS associate edilors; ROBERT B. DESALVO assistant editor; TIMOTHY MOHR junior editor: LINDA
FEIDELSON, HELEN FRANGOULIS, HEATHER HAEBE, CAROL KUBALEK, HARRIET PEASE, OLGA STAVROPOULOS.
NICOLE TUREC editorial assistants; CARTOONS: MICHELLE URRY edilor; JENNIFER THIELE assistant;
COPY: BREIT HUSTON associate editor; ANAHEED ALANI. ANNE SHERMAN assistant editors; REMA
SMITH Senior researcher; GEORGE НОРАК, BARI NASH, KRISTEN SWANN researchers; MARK DURAN
research librarian; тім GALVIN, JOAN MCLAUGHLIN proofreaders; BRYAN BRAUER assistant;
CONTRIBUTING EDITOR!

EDGREN, LAWRENCE GROBEL, KEN GROSS. WARREN KALBACKER, D. KEITH MANO, JOE MORGENSTERN,

ASA HABER, JOSEPH DE ACETIS (FASHION), JOE DOLCE, GRETCHEN

DAVID RENSIN, DAVID SHEFF

ART
KERIG rore managing art director; SCOTT ANDERSON, BRUCE HANSEN, CHET SUSKI, LEN WILLIS senior
art directors; ков WILSON assistant art director; PAUL CHAN senior art assistant; JOANNA METZGER art

assistant; CORTEZ WELLS art services coordinator; LORI PAIGE SEIDEN senior art administrator

PHOTOGRAPHY
MARILYN GRABOWSKI west coast editor; JIM LARSON managing editor; KEVIN KUSTER, STEPHANIE MORRIS
senior editors; PATTY BEAUDETFRANCES associate editor; RENAV LARSON assistant editor; ARNY FREVIAG.
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PENNY ERKERT: GISELA ROSE production coordinators

JAMES N. DIMONERAS publisher

PRODUCTION
MARIA MANDIS director; RUTA JOHNSON manager; JODY JURGETO. CINDY PONTARELLI. RICHARD
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READER SERVICE
MIKE OSTROWSKI, LINDA STROM correspondents

ADMINISTRATIVE
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PLAYBOY ENTERPRISES INTERNATIONAL, INC.
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SHE ROCKS
Bebe Buell (Bebe Still Rocks, December)
admits to being an imperfect soul in her
book Rebel Heart, but she's a survivor who
has come back stronger than before.
Ivy Greene
New York, New York

I'm blown away by Bebe—her book,
her beauty and her spirit. I'd love to see
more of her in another pictorial.

Caitlyn Roth

New York, New York

Bebe Buell is every woman's hero. She
is a timeless beauty who just keeps get-
ting better. I loved the pictorial. Too bad
it wasn't longer.

Gail Letson
Brooklyn, New York

Rebel Bebe.

Thank you for the gorgeous tribute.
Гуе received so many e-mails from fans
telling me how much they like it, and
Um flattered. Thanks again and lots of
love to you all.

Bebe Buell
Portland, Maine

ALL EYES ON WILL
I'm impressed with the fact that Will
Smith (Playboy Interview, December) is in-
sightful enough to see his strengths and
to change whatever isn't working for him
i life and career.
Stephanie Lewis
‘Torrance, California

How could anyone so entertaining be
so self-centered?
David Owens
Corinth, Mississippi

ROOM SERVICE
‘The Hotel Deluxe pictorial (December)
is great eye candy. I'll look forward to
your next wonderful Christmas surprise.
B. Carson
San Diego, California

QUEEN OF THE JUNGLE
Your readers might be interested to

know that Sheena star Gena Lee Nolin
(December) has also shown some skin to
save animals in a sexy new PETA ad for
which her body wa
The ad's slogan
the jungle—not in your closet.”

Dan Matthews

PETA

Hampton Roads, Virginia

In all my years subscribing to PLAYBOY,
I've made it a point to read the magazine
from front to back. But Gena's fabulous
pictorial shot my routine all to hell.
Mike Wilson
Duncan, Oklahoma

1 am one of those sophisticated
readers whose appreciation of PLAYBOY's

TBST seer Армен! име NEW YORE 730 PETH

SHORE DAVE CHICAGO) RUGS

PLAYBOY

photography is second only to their
n of your excellent articles.
Gena’s pictorial has changed my point of
view. She is the most beautiful woman
ever to appear in your magazine

G. Windmann

Des Plaines, Illinois

I've always wanted to see Gena Lee
Nolin nude. Thanks, pLaveoy. My fanta-
sy has come true.

Cosmo Piccoli
Brooklyn, New York

SEXY STARS

Your choices for the sexiest stars of the
past year (Sex Stars—2001, December)
didn't include Nicole Kidman, Jennifer
Connelly or Hugh Jackman. But I will
forgive you this time, if only because of
the fabulous topless photo of Estella
Warren.

Fernando Vasconcelos

Recife, Brazi

Gena goes Sheena.

BELL-A

I's true that herine Bell (20 Ques-
tions, December) has the perfect body
and face. Just as important, though, is
that she's the kind of gal who could sit
around watching a game, drinking beer
and eating pizza. Thanks for always de-
livering the goods.

Martin Linane Jr.
Seattle, Washington

I've always thought the Marines could
double their enlistment by using Cather-
ine as a recruiting tool. Now I'm sure. A
beautiful woman who rides motorcycles
and plays drums?
Greg Singletary
Charlotte, North Carolina

Great photo of Catherine Bell. She's
eutenant colonel I would gladly die
ve unde!
Gerald Black
Royal Canadian Navy (Ret.)
Pomona, California

SEPTEMBER 11

Nothing else I've read about the Sep-
tember I1 attacks comes as close to the
truth as Asa Baber's December Men col-
umn, “09 11 01.” Thanks for reminding

16 us that Americans must show the world

we're willing to fight to preserve what's

ours. We're stronger and prouder now.
Rusty Houser
Wilcox, Nebraska

The December Men column should be
required reading for every person in
government who in any way affects our
relations with the rest of the world—
starting with our president.

Don Camper
Adanta, Georgia

ppointed that an otherwise as-
tute journalist like Asa Baber would re-
peat the false and misleading theory that
Bill Clinton tried to look like a warrior
when he authorized lobbing 66 cruise
missiles into an al Qaeda camp with the
hope of killing Osama bin Laden. Fos-
tering this myth reminds me of the mov-
ie Wag the Dog

Joseph Cain
‘Tallahassee, Florida

Baber's response: Was it 66
cruise missiles? Or was И 666?
Whatever the number, Clinton's
feeble attempt to confront the ter-
rorists reminds me of the movie
Wag the Willie.

ТОО MUCH HOOP-DE-DOO
Why waste eight pages on
another College Basketball Pre-
view (December) and some
mental midgets who would
not even be in college if they
weren't seven feet tall? I
shake my head when I think
of what those precious pages could have
contained—such as more fantastic pho-
tos of beautiful women, more controver-
sial articles on current events or more in-
teresting fiction.
Barry Coakley
Squaw Valley, California
Your Final Four tickets are in the mail.

SHANNA-NA

After sceing the December
issue, I realize you saved the
best for last. Shanna Moakler
(Blonde Victory, December), the
multitalented beauty from Pa-
cific Blue, is a dream come true.
Thanks for the early Christmas
present

Jim Davis
Barberton, Ohio

I love Miss December's ro-
mantic pictorial. 1 miss those
classy, elegant photo sets from
the past. Please, PLAYBOY, give us more
like Shanna’s.

M. Altman
Centreville, Virginia

1 thank Hef for the outstanding Christ-
mas gilt. His choice for the December
Playmate was beyond my wish list. 1 first
saw Shanna Moakler on Pacific Blue, and

Day of disaster,

I became an instant fan. My favorite
episode is one in which she is working at
an adult club. Unfortunately, TV is still
timid and the USA Network wouldn't go
all the way. I'm so thrilled that PLAYBOY
did. I knew I could count on you.
Douglas Guerry
Atlanta, Georgia

1 was aghast to read that Shanna is
in litigation with her ex-fiancé, Oscar
De La Hoya, for a $62.5 million pali-
mony suit. Like her, I'm an independent
young woman, but I would be ashamed
lo be associated with such a greedy and
vengeful lawsuit.

Lisa Harrell
Greenville, North Carolina

UNCLE SAM WANTS YOU

We want you to know that the U.S.
Anny has been training harder than ever
since the tragedy of September 11. But I
hope this photo assures Americans that
even in our heightened state of alert-
ness, we still have our priorities straight.
As long as PLayBoY continues to photo-
graph beautiful women, we'll keep read-

The A-team.

ing your magazine. We appreciate the
boost you give us.

Sgt. Nicholas Capozzi,

Sgt. Marcus Pinkney,

Ist Lt. Michael Foote,

Cpl. Derek Stivers

319th AFAR, 82nd Airborne

WON'T BE. _

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MORE EVOLVED SKINCARE

| love а woman
who can handle the Bat.

BACARDI

EST? 1862

IRON TITS, VELVET HAMMER

When the eye-patched МС doing her
best Marlene Dietrich popped the ques-
tion “How about we break up the come-
dy with a little nudity, huh?” we knew
the West Coast burlesque show called the
Velvet Hammer was about to step it up.
After the dirty comics flopped, a turban-
topped band called the Maharajahs of
Melody began pumping away, and the
girls came out swinging. Pouty Ursulina
bar through the curtain with her tight
hot rod of a body trussed in a French Rev-
olution gown, then proceeded to peel
down to her moulin rouge. She brought
howls of delight from the retro cocktail
crowd, dressed in their speakeasy best, at
Los Angeles’ throwback El Rey Theater.
The three-hour show just kept on giv-
ing. The stage played host to feminine
forms bitty and bombastic, including the
crowd-pleasing “World Famous BOB.” A
huge woman, BOB sent her pendulous
breasts swinging up and down in oppo-
site directions. Then guest star Ann Mag-
nuson rocketed us to the (full) moon,
and buff Boudiccea—decked out in a
Xena-type outfit—showed leg all the way
up to her hairline. Pasties made it bt

lesque, and detailed sets made it a
show, but in the end, ass is ass, and
we don't know anybody who
doesn't like that

IT AIN’T EASY
BEING RIGHT

There may be a
good reason why
conservalives are
crabby—or why
crabby people
are conser
tive. Accord-
ing to a

1 Жоо!
suspect Тілеген s who getz

NUDES ON
PARADE

study at the Association for the Study of

Dreams in Vienna, Virginia, half of the
ally conservative people they sur-
veyed had nightmares (being chased, go-
ing bald, being trapped in a room with a
bear, or something awful happening to

HOT (14512444

tating. V

their kids were the most common). Most
liberals slept peacefully—only 18 per-
cent said that they had nightmares. Left-
leaning women dreamed about family
or babies, and the guys dreamed about
their lovers. Liberally.

LIFE’S ETERNAL
QUESTIONS ANSWERED

What do men want? A woman who
comes with an operating manual, just
like a cell phone

What do women want? A killer who will
do housework.

What don't you know about women? They
are alll easy

What do all playboys have in common?
Persistence.

PLAYBOY

What's the quickest way to turn off а wom-
ап? Annoy her.
When does persistence become annoying?

After the wedding.

EVERYBODY IN THE POOL

When March Madness rolls around,
no one is immune to the itch to get in on
some action. We asked our friend and
unerringly accurate bettor Ted Sevran-
sky of whocovers.com to give us some
tips. Are there any simple strategies when bet-
ting on college basketball that pay off over the
long term? “While teams in the top 25 of-
ten pique the interest of Joe Public, the
smart bettor looks for good spots to bet
against favorites. Betting against over-
valued clubs can make a big difference
to your bottom line. Also, pay attention
to streaks, When betting on a team to
continue winning (or losing), you profit
many times before the streak ends. Ве
ting against streaks, you win only once.”
Is there any way to win the March Madness
office pool? “You need luck. The most im-
portant thing is to pick the eventual
champion, since the final game is weight-
ed the most. Many office-pool players
work too much on picking the carly-
round upsets and not enough on their
Final Four teams. Work backward—pick
your champion first, then the Final Four

larly if your home theater is your den

ч»

THE MONITOR THE MERRIER

B&W makes some of the finest loudspeakers
available, incorporating the sleekest industrial
design in its models. The company recently intro-
duced Leisure Monitors, designed for use inhome
theaters. These unimposing, slim-line speakers
can service five surround-sound positions. Most
important, they won't dominate a room—particu-

Because of their modest size and versa-

tility, they are equally effective when mounted on walls, bookshelves or speok-
er stands. You con set them up vertically or horizontally. We were knocked
back to the latter position when we sampled the monitors during a screening
of Gladiator. Hell, unleashed, is enough to wake the dead. And the neighbors

and so on.” Why do professional sports bet-
tors love March Madness? “In the NCAA
tournament, many amateurs enter the
betting world for the first time all season.
These square bettors tend to back fa-
vorites and overlook schools from small-
er conferences. Professional bettors look
to bet against square money—they are
far more knowledgeable about smaller

conferences and that gives them an edge
when they're analyzing on-court match-
ups.” What are the best stats for making a
bet? “While a flashy offense looks great,
defense wins championships. Shooting
percentage allowed is a key stat, a far
better indicator of defensive intensity
than points per game. Free throws given
up and attempted is another important

MOSH TITS

Fans of rhythm and boobs can
now turn to the Internet to
appreciate the noble practice
of flashing at shows. There
are plenty of tweeters for
the woofer in you at concert
flashing.com and concert
flashers.com. And even
though the band is no
more, these girls can turn
any concert into a Blind
Melon show.

"We care about уси Fide safely arci win the
Fad appıode Сати Insel your passenger ane lc fever (os under {Бе desc ol abi ur бус

NO. I'VE DECIDED TO OPT FOR A SMALL
AND RATHER UNEVENTFUL LIFE.

You could eat up a lifetime pondering what to do with your days on earth. Or you could take one look
at a machine like the Wide Glide! And let gut instinct take it from there. Get a load of the high handlebar
and stretched-out profile. We didn't hold anything back in building this ride. So whats

holding you back? 1-800-600-3507 or www.harley-davidson.com. The Legend Rolls Оп:

PLAYBOY

statistic. When one team gets to the free
throw line far more often than their op-
ponents, it means that they play funda-
mentally sound defense and are aggres-
sive on oflense. Rebounding differential
is a good thing to look at, too. The best
teams are the ones that play good de-
fense, rebound well and have a balanced
attack inside and outside. But stats never
tell the whole story—the better coaches
seem to succeed almost every year, while
the lesser coaches often bow out of the
tournament, even with superior talent.”

HI-DIDDLEY-O! SEVEN WAYS TO
MASTER HER DOMAIN

Promising your girlfriend an extend-
ed massive orgasm may be your best
chance of spending Saturday on the
couch with your hand down her pants
Steve and Vera Bodansky, who wrote the
book on three-hour orgasms (The Extend-

DRINK OF THE MONTH

Popsicle martinis are the rage at
restaurant 1220 at the Tides ho-
tel in Miami Beach. In the right
mouths, they are also wanderful

props. The number on the left
above is the Passion Martini. It's а
blend af passion fruit juice, Absalut
vodka and a watermelon Papsicle.
At the right is a cacktail made with
apricot puree infused with ginger,
Absalut vadka and a lichee Popsi-
cle. Serve one to your girlfriend
and we guarantee you will enjay
wotching her suck it down.

— 2

WHY GIRLS SAY YES—
REASON #48

n "| met this

nameless blue-eyed man at a
club and we talked for half an
hour. For whatever reason, that
night | was intrigued by the ano-
nymity of a one-night stand. |
didn't want to know his name,
but far the sake of the story let's
call him Marco. I had a few cock-
tails ond wos feeling good, so I
asked Marco to take me for a
walk to get some air. There were
peaple coming and going and
the volet was dose by. We ducked
into a marble stairwell in the mid-
dle of Century City and begon
groping each other. Mytop come
off and | was slommed against
the wall. My first thought was,
Oh no, someone is coming! My
worries ceased when Marco stuck
twa fingers inside my wet pussy.
My knees buckled and | pulled
him closer, The club was
closing in five minutes

and people were staring

to pass us by. We had sex
frantically and | came almost
immediately, people watching
іп awe.” --К.М., Los Angeles

ed Massive Orgasm), say it's all about peak-
ing your lover repeatedly—bringing her
to the highest point she can reach with-
out coming, then backing off. Note: Man-
ual transmission is the only way to drive
her mad. Other pointers:

Touch for your own pleasure. “Feel her as
if touching a piece of velvet,”
says Steve.

Know the most sensilive parts of
her clitoris. The Bodanskys say
the upper part of her clitoris by
her right leg is usually the most
sensitive

Don't crotch dive. “Play with
her mind, flatter her, touch her
pubic hair, her inner lips—but
don't touch her clitoris until
she's begging for it.”

Be confident. Don't say oops if
you think that you've made a
mistake. “The more confidence
that you have, the more she's
able to surrender, like when
you dance."

Have intention and attention.
"Have the intention of taking
her for a ride, and pay auen-
tion to pleasure along the way."

Don't assume that she wants to
be touched the same way you do. "Touch
more lightly than you think and always
use lubrication. Ask her to tell you the
high points."

Plan pleasure. "Spontaneous fun may
not happen."

“I tend to sit
like a man, so
short skirts
are not that
good
an idea."
—Angelina
Jolie

WU GOT A PROBLEM

What makes Wu Tang Clan so good?
Iron Flag, their latest CD, can be inane
and braggadocious. But, as WTC has
shown over the past decade—10 years in
a genre not predicted to last 10 months—
each CD is a visit to a peculiarly vibrant
world of Ninja mysticism and
streetfront poetry. Iron Flag is a
wartime album. Along with the
goofy, hyperkinetic choruses,
our favorite patriotic rallying
cry is Ghostface Killah's mad-
as-shit response to the New
York attacks: “Who the fuck
knocked our buildings down?/
Who the man behind the World
Trade massacre?/Step up now/
Where the four planes at?
Fly that shit over my hood and
get blown to bits.” We're sure
with fighting words like that,
this will be in heavy rotation at
the Rumsfeld crib.

THE TIP SHEET

Hotel Ibiza: An old swinger's
palace in Oakland, it’s now been
retrofitted —complete with koi
pond—as a dub with rooms. Ideally situ-
ated. you can spend all night raving and
still make it to the airport for a morning
flight to the real Ibiza.

The Party Animal: A virtually indestruc-
tible $625 Endurance tuxedo from Ted

а SN.

SURGEON GENERAL'S WARNING: Smoking

07 mg. ; 2
eee exten, By Pregnant Women May Result in Fetal
А Вох: 16 mg. X Leere Injury, Premature Birth, And Low Birth Weight.
Ж иеле by FTC method. /

Lights Box: 8 mg.

SIGNIFICA, INSIGNIFICA, STATS AND FACTS

QUOTE
“There's a scene
on the tour bus
where I'm snorting
cocaine off a girl's
breasts. Boy, did I
have to summon
my thespian talents
for that scene."—
FORMER DOKKEN
BASSIST JEFF PILSON
ON HIS ROLE IN THE
MOVIE Rock Star

RED MENACE

The number of
cars, trucks and bus-
es in the U.S.: 216
million. Numl i
China: 14 million.
The number of traf-
fic fatalities in
the U.S. last year:
41,800. Number of
traffic fatalities in
China last year:
94,000. Percentage
of the world’s vehicles in China: 2.
Percentage of the world's traffic acci-
dents that occur in China: 9.

RESERVATION FOR ONE
Number of adults in the Augustine
Band of Cahuilla Mission Indians, a
federally recognized tribe that recent-
ly got the go-ahead to open a casino
in California: 1.

REVENUE STREAMS
Estimated gallons of bootleg liquor
produced in Appalachian stills be-
tween 1992 and 1999: 1.5 million.
Value the federal government places
on tax revenue lost due to moon-
shine: $20 million.

THE COLOR OF MONEY
Тһе percentage increase in Heinz
ketchup sales in the six months after
introducing green ketchup in early.
2001: 21.

VOW JONES INDEX

Date of the first wedding per-
formed in Las Vegas: July 3, 1909.
Date of the 3 millionth wedding per-
formed there: February 9, 2001.

АМ ARMY OF WAN
Percentage of U.S. military installa-
tions with deficiencies deemed signif-
icant enough to prevent troops sta-

The mating call of a dime-
size Hawaiian male Carib-
bean tree frog resounds at
up to 90 decibels, the same
as a lawn mower.

tioned there from
carrying out their
missions: 69. Cost
of damage done to
an F-15 by a bro-
ken metal grate at
Langley Air Force
Base: $185,000. The
cost to replace such
a grate: $400.

APPROVAL RATINGS

The percentage
of American adults
who said marijuana
should be legalized
in 1969: 12. Per-
centage who said so
in 1985: 23. Per-
centage who say so
now: 34.

LAW-MART
Number of times
that Wal-Mart was
sued last year: 4851.
Number of lawsuits

pending against Wal-Mart: 9400.

GROSS REVENUE
Since 1993, total sales of Beavis and
Вий-һеай merchandise: $600 million.

TALIBAN-FREE TENNESSEE
In the month after the attacks on
September 11, percentage increase in
applications for gun permits filed in
“Tennessee: 49.

TALK ISN'T CHEAP
Annual salary of Larry King: $7 mil-
lion. Annual salary of Paul Harvey:
$10 million. Howard Stern: $23 mil-
lion. Rush Limbaugh: $31 million.

CONTINUING EDUCATION
The number of Americans age 55
or older who are enrolled in high
school: 31,000. Number enrolled in
elementary school: 4000.

DOOMED TO REPEAT HIGH SCHOOL

Percentage of American teenagers
who don't know what country the
United States fought in the Revolu-
tionary War: 22. Percentage of Amer-
ican teenagers who believe it was
France: 14. Percentage of American
teenagers who do not know the com-
batants of the Civil War: 24. Percent-
age who think it was the U.S. against.
England: 13. —ROBERT 5. WIEDER.

Baker. It's made of extraordinarily fine
Italian merino wool coated vith Teflon
to resist creasing, water, stains and, ac-
cording to the puking-man symbol on its
hangtag, vomit.

Satisfaction: The Art of the Female Orgasm
(Warner): The most astounding aspect
of this book by Kim Сайға! and her hus-
band, Mark Levinson, is not the frank
language or graphic pictures, but the
fact that the woman who plays Samantha
on Sex and the City confesses to three de-
cades of nonorgasmic sex prior to meet-
ing slow-hand Levinson.

Malessentials: A website where you can
discreetly order all the things that you
wouldn't be caught buying in public: Ro-
gaine, Avacor, condoms, triple-action fa-
cial scrub and horny goat weed.

MURPHYS ON PARADE

When one of our female editors told
us she was going to interview the Drop-
kick Murphys and wanted to know if we
had anything to ask, one question imme-
diately sprang to mind: Would she be
safe? Hailed as America’s version of the
Pogues, more for similarities in attitude
than in music, the hard-drinking punks
sat with her in Chicago and then contin-
ued their cross-country Irish jig to pro-
mote their new CD.

Your CD is titled Sing Loud, Sing Proud.
Which musicians do you want lo shut up?

I dreamed I was

CARD RACKS

Brief Encounters (Prion) is о chorm-
ing set of 31 postcords from on ero
when о gol's unmentionobles were
marketed as aggressively оз laun-
dry soop. It’s tough to top the ad
copy on eoch, but send these post-
cords—our mail guys need o break.

ain Morgan Or

Everything tastes better with a splash of the unexpected.

Join the Captain's crew at rum.com. Drink responsibly - Captain's orders;
Nero can mah pa бе rd an А y. PD COOOL xti ern a ae a,

= —-— Ja.
BOSOM'S BUDDY

Roger Ebert once wrate, “Bergman
may come and Antaniani might
go, but the films of Russ Meyer will
be studied long after mony others
hove been cut up ta make ukulele
picks." Indeed. Meyer has summed
up his career in o three-volume as-
sembly af photos and stories he
says were years in the making. A
Clean Breast ($350 from RM Pra-
ductions) is everything he wanted
ta get off his chest, and makes os
much sense os his movies da.

AL: Bands like 1
We're not Fred Du
Fred.

seicEY: I would like to invite Fred
Durst to a boxing match. But you can't
bring your bodyguards.

ken: I hate bands that preach onstage
The only band who has a right to preach
is U2. They follow their preaching with
living by example.

How was playing on the last Warped tour?

ken: The Warped Tour was a blast
Blink 182 is terrified of us, probably be-
cause our roadie would sit by the side of
the stage when they would play, making
the slash-the-throat sign. We snuck onto
Rancid's bus to put ladies’ underwear in
their bags. We were going to blackmail
them, but it was no use. They already
had a lot of underwear there.

mp Bizkit or Korn.
t fans. Fuck you,

AL: Yeah, especially in Lars
Frederiksen's luggage. He
had stockings, garters and
a couple of those double-
ended dildos.
Do real Irish celebrate St
Paddy's Day?
AL: Good Lord, yes. It's a
mameluke day, though. Ev-
eryone's Irish then.

KEN: We recommend drink-
ing on Flag Day instead.

SPICEY: Real drunks like me
don't need a special day. Ev-
ery day is St. Paddy’s day
What are the benefits of wear-
ing a kilt?
SPICEY: Irish cops love me.
They get me drunk all the
time. Many ladies find the kilt
attractive.

aL: But when he gets drunk,
sometimes the pink bullfrog
appears

кем: Chicks definitely dig the kilt. I
have some great XXX action of a lady
going behind the plaid curtain

How do you arrange it if someone needs to
use the tour bus to make out with a girl?

AL: Well, we're going to show
you how that works after
we've finished this interview

SPICEY: Put the hat over
the doorknob.
KEN: Or just throw the girl
on the couch and start mak-
ing out with her.

You have a well-deserved repu-
tation for being tough. Do you
have any tips for men on how they
might look or act tougher?

KEN: Take that sweater off
your neck. In fact, lose the
sweater completely. Scruff up
your hair a litle bit. Let your
beard grow in. Slap some peo-
ple around.

SPICEY: Scars. 1 think scars
are good. Get in some car ac-
cidents. Go to Popeye’s Chick-
еп and kick some shit around.
There's some tough dudes
hanging out at Popeye's. Especially at
two in the morning.

Who's more apt to throw themselves at
you— girls with tattoos or girls without?

KEN: Women with tattoos. You know
how they are.

"Personally, |
can't think of
anything less
sexy than a
man in my
underwear.”
— Elizabeth
Hurley

BABE OF
THE MONTH

We got our first glimpse of
the tantalizing 5 г
cH AT in а Miche-
lob Light commercial.
There she was, all in-
nocent and itchy in о
negligee, stumbling
in of о surprise
party that included
her father. Gulp
Then she londed a
role as о guerrilla on
the shart-lived UPN
series Freedam. Her
kicking booty in skin-
fight leather outfits on
the Matrix-like show
worked for casting N
3
agenis, so Scarlett ;
put oside dreams of
professionel tennis
She сап next be seen
with Jerry O'Connell
in the romantic
comedy
Buying
the
Caw.

DON'T FORGET
WHO MAKES THE PANTS
HPS FAMILY.

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that just fits a cell phone. Fora dealer nearest you call

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Faithfully (Arista) is Faith Evans’ finest al-
bum, polished and well crafted. ns
is wistful and melancholy on / Love You,
Don't Cry and Brand New Man. She can al-
so be a dance diva, as on Back to Love and
Burnin’ Up. —NELSON GEORGE

DJ Kid Koala shows
that he can groove
on the eponymous
Bullfrog (Ropeadope).

The group comprises
an old-fashioned four-
piece funk band like
Booker T. & the Mi
(with a percussionist,
instead of Booker's
organ). They do with-
out the organ be-
cause Koala keeps
adding samples—
horns, background vo-
cals, cheerleading and
commentary. The CD boasts a guitarist
and female percussionist who sings and
a droll, deep-voiced rapper. It's trad
with a twist. —ROBERT CHRISTGAU

Blues singer Robert Bradley's New
Ground (Vanguard) intersects Motown-
flavored arrangements and hard-core
Detroit garage rock. And that intersec-
tion is my idea of heaven. —DAVE MARSH

Kelly Hogan has busted out of Chi-
cago's alt-country movement,
and Because It Feel Good
(Bloodshot) celebrates
that. You won't hear bet-
ter versions of Randy
Newman's Living Without
You or Charlie Rich's Stay.
Her originals are keepers,
too—especially No, Bobby
Dont. — DAVE HOEKSTRA

For more than a quarter
of a century, the Dictators
have been one of the funniest, if least
commercial, bands in rock. D.RED. (Dicta-
tors Multimedia) finds them masters of
melodic metal, while their humor has

fast

tracks

gearing up to star in The Сте нед,
in which she plays one in a New York
City hotel. . . . Eminen's film now in-
cludes the likes of Kim Basinger, Brittany
Murphy and Mekhi Phifer. The movie is
still nameless but plays out a week in
the life of a character just like the rap-
per. Newssreaks; British photogra-
pher Tom Murray has a permanent ex-
hibit of Beatles photographs at POP
International Galleries in New York
City. He took five rolls of film of the

evolved into a critique of the music biz,
gentrification and baby boomers. The
Dictators kick ass. The truth is exhilarat-
ing, as is the band's music.

— CHARLES M. YOUNG

The Very Best of Rod Stewart (Rhino) re-
minds us he can be a great singer. This is
Stewart's best album since he
discarded the Faces. --ом.

Joi's previous efforts did
not sell well, but she has
built a solid underground
following. Star Kitty’s Re-
venge (Universal) is a neo-
soul extravaganza. —N.G.

Mush Filmstrip (Frame 1)
(Shadow) is mood music
with brains. Rappers, ambient
techno artists and a rock band or two
produce funky and haunting music. A
key contributor is the alt-rapper Aesop
Rock, whose Labor Days (Def Jux) is
equally striking. —Rc

а, Christgau | Garbarini
4 6 7 ООЁ
8 8 7 gallos
D cd 2 6 6 2 llos
foa Н 4 8 8 & d
6 8 8 oy

vealed that Bi are not ү E to
boy bands. They're listening to rock
bands, and singer-songwriters are
getting more play than the packaged
рор stars ofa year аро.... The Strokes
already have their own tribute band,
but you won't hear any guitars. The
Diff'rent Strokes have formed to play
cover versions on Casio-style key-
boards. Just don't look for Arnold or
Willis. —BARBARA NELLIS

If Phish is the new Grateful Dead,
then Gov't Mule is Cream and the All-
mans. When Mule bassist Allen Woody
died two years ago, the band wanted an
original tribute CD and tapped their
favorite bassists to each play on one track
on The Deep End Volume 1 (ATO). Flea,
Jack Bruce, Bootsy Collins and Mike Gor-
don contribute tight songs and plenty of
high-energy jams. --УІС GARBARINI

When Mick Jagger goes solo, it usual-
ly doesn't work out well. But Goddess in
the Doorway (Virgin) is a breakthrough.
The melodic pop rock of /oy—a duet
with Bono—is typical of the CD's ecstatic
self-discovery. ұс

Опе оГ ѕошћегп
California's great
contributions to
punk, Bad Reli-
gion reunites on
The Process of Be-
lief (Epitaph). The
group sings like
an extremely loud
folk band, com-
plete with harmo-
nies about pollu-
tion, dysfunction: nilies and the theo-
logical problem of evil. cy

THE DEEP END

You gene
hit records

rally want to avoid classical
but Morimur (ECM) is ап ex-
ception. Viol stoph Poppen and
the ethereal vocals of the Hill En-
semble perform Bach with a powerful
clarity. Another odd choral collabora-
tion, Motorlab #3 (Kitchen Motors), unites
Barry Adamson and Pan Sonic. Their
work for choir and electronics opens
new vistas. —LEOPOLD FROEHLICH

PORN TO GO

Now that adult-entertainment
companies һауе conquered DVD

and web technologies, they're
gearing up to deliver XXX-rat-

ed images to personal digital
assistants and cell phones
equipped with wireless Inter-

net access. Dubbed mobile

porn, or m-porn by the indus-

try, the technology is in its in-

fancy. Currently for about 2

cents a day, you can access

the grainy black-and-white

still images and sex text
However, a year from now,

when adult-entertainment

giant Vivid Interactive en-

ters the m-porn market,

you will get the rise you're

after. According to Gary
Thompson, Vivid's vice

president of business de-

velopment, the compa-

ny is testing a service

that will enable fans to

view 10-minute X-rated

movie clips on mobile de

vices. Although prices have

yet to be established, Thomp:

son says a dollar per clip would be
reasonable. And you won't need spe-
cial software. Vivid's m-porn works
in conjunction with Windows Media
Player and a proprietary viewer that
the company will offer as a plug-in for
PDAs and cell phones. One advan-

PITY THE LIBRARIANS

Forget e-books. Good old-fashioned
leather-bound books may soon be wired
for sound. As part of the Experiments
in the Future of Reading program, the
inventive folks at Xerox’ Palo Alto Re-
search Center have developed the Listen

LOMPA, Q—
©

tage: Instead of having adult movies
show up on your hotel bill (for your
accounting department to see), they'll
be charged discreetly to your person-
al wireless account. —BETH TOMKIW

Reader. It includes a wingback chair
with speakers, a wooden reading stand
and a leather-bound book. Electric field
sensors in the book's binding pick up
proximity, so as your hand passes over
the page, a signal is sent to play specific
sounds—you might hear strange music,
stairs creaking or the wind blowing. Lis-
ten Reader developers hope to digitally
augment existing written literature with-
out losing the appeal of the original. Re-
searcher Dale MacDonald predicts that
Hollywood will get in on the act. “I see
books with deep sound designs and the
kind of added creativity that goes into
making a film,” he says. The research
center has also developed the Read-
ing Eye Dog, which looks like a cross be-
tween The Jetsons’ Astro and Bender
from Futurama. Using cameras for eyes,
optical character recognition and text-
to-speech technology, the metal canine is
capable of discerning things placed in
front of it (such as books and newspa-
pers), displaying the text on LCD screens,
and then speaking the words aloud. Read-
ing services for the blind could benefit
from this technology. —LAZLOW

GAME OF THE MONTH

When Hollywood wants 10 reen-
act the horrors of war, it calls on
Captain Dale Dye. The retired
U.S. Marine captain survived
major combat operations in Viet-
nam and since 1985 has served as
military consultant for such TV and
movie projects as Saving Private
an, Band of Brothers and Platoon. Dye's
latest project, developed with Ste-
ven Spielberg's DreamWorks Interac-
tive, is Medal of Hon-

or: Allied Assault, a
PC video game
from Electronic

Arts. Set during

the most pivotal

years of World

War Il, the game

brings the D day

invasion and oth-
er engagements
to life as players

tackle some 20

missions span-

ning North Af-
rica, Norway and

France and a trek

over the Rhine into the heart of Nazi

Germany. Players have access to 21 his-

torically accurate World War 11 weapons

(including Thompson submachine guns

and Mark 11 fragment grenades) as well

as 18 enemy vehicles. Expect an action-
packed and realistic depiction of the
war's exploits. —ENID BURNS

MEDAL
H ООҢ

ALLIED

Teropin's
new Mine is
o 10 GB por-
toble storoge de-
vice (5600). The
versatile tool has
severol ports (USB
in/out, Ethernet, PC
Cord, audio-aut) ond
can stare files of any for
mot, including digital pho-
tos, video clips, work docu-
ments and MP3s (which the
device con play through o heod-
phone jack). Think of it os o PC in
your pocket. —-JASON BUHRMESTER

WHERE AND HOW TO BUY ON PAGE 156,

By LEONARD MALTIN

SEAN PENN CAN transform himself com-
pletely on-screen—as he did most re-
cently in Woody Allen's Sweet and Low-
down. In 1 Am Sam he plays a mentally
retarded man who becomes a devot-
cd father until a social services agency
questions his ability to raise a child. Mi
chelle Pfeiffer is wonderful as the self-
absorbed, ruthless LA attorney who
handles ıhe case. This could easily be a
formula tearjerker, but director Jessie
Nelson (who co-wrote the screenplay
with Kristine Johnson) steers clear of
that. I predict Penn will win the best ac-
tor Oscar for this one.

Benjamin Bratt is completely convinc-
ing as Puerto Rican-born poet and play-
wright Miguel Piñero in Leon Ichaso's
nonlinear biographical film Pinero. Al-
though Bratt's performance makes this
film worth seeing, we never come to un-
derstand why the gifted Pinero was so
brutally self-destructive.

Cate Blanchett is always worth watch-
ing, whether in a supporting role in The
Shipping News (as Кеуіп Spacey's preda-
tory wife) or as the lead in Charlotte Groy,
the World War II espionage-romance
yarn directed by Gillian Armstrong. But
an unfocused story sinks this handsome
film, which co-stars the reliable Billy Cru-
dup as a French resistance fighter:

Mira Nair's Monsoon Wedding has its
faults—being too long, for instance —but
it also has many good things going for it
Nair immerses us in Indian culture in a
compelling and compassionate way, in-

troducing us to a well-meaning father
who faces one hurdle alter another in
ellecting his daughter's arranged mar-
riage. Some of the complications—both
humorous and sad—are unique to In-

Sam—a Penn ultimate role.

dia, while others are universal.

Nanni Moretti is star, director and co-
writer of The Son’s Room, and it's easy to
see why this Italian drama was a pr
winner at Cannes. Moretti opts for nu-
ance and quietude instead of histrionics
in showing how a prosperous analyst
and his family contend with a tragic loss.
This film explores grief with clear-eyed
understanding.

Bill Paxton directed and co-stars in
Frailty, a genuinely strange film about a
single father raising two sons who has
a vision one night and becomes an ax
murderer in the name of God. Frailty is
а difficult film to stomach, especially be-
cause children are involved.

SCENE STEALER

zia he ae

SCORE CARD

capsule close-ups of current films
by leonard maltin

Ali Will Smith scores a knockout in
the leading role, but director Michael
Mann bites off more than he can
chew in this long—yet surprisingly
sketchy—bio of the boxer: Whe
A Beautiful Mind Russell Crowe gives an
Oscar-worthy performance as an eccen-
tric genius whose promising career
takes a harsh turi
is excellent as his loyal wife.
Black Hawk Down Josh Hartnett and
Ewan McGregor are among the U.S.
ground forces caught in a hail of bul-
lets—and miscalculations- Soma-
lia i in 1993. You can view this as a cau-
nary tale about our involvement
overseas, or as a tribute to heroism.
Either way, it's a solid war movie that's
tough to watch at times. yyy
Brotherhood of the Wolf A bizarre
French movie based on the legend of
a wolf—or creature—that terrorized
the 18th century countryside. A mé-
lange of historical fiction, myth and
monster movie. vv
1 Am Sam Sean Penn and Michelle
Pfeiffer are Oscar bait in this winning
tale of a retarded man fighting for
custody of his daughter. Уууу»
The Majestic Jim Carrey has never
been better than in the James Stew-
е role of an apolitical screen-

writer who suffers amnesia and is mis-
taken for a long-lost hero of a small,
close-knit community in the Fifties.
But this paean to old-fashioned Amer-
ican values (and moviemaking) is mad-

deningly uneven. Wh
Monster’s Ball Billy Bob Thornton and
Halle Berry head an exceptional cast
in this challenging but rewarding
adult drama about two lost souls
brought together by fate. One of the
finest films released last year. УУУУ
The Shipping News Кеуіп Spacey gives
another great performance, as the
beaten-down protagonist of E. Annie
Proulx's novel, finding purpose, self-
esteem and love in the unlikeliest
setting—his ancestral home in New-
foundland. Julianne Moore, Cate
Blanchett and Judi Dench co-star in
Lasse Hallstróm's film. wur
Vanilla 1 Sky Tom Cruise is at his charis-
‘matic best, Cameron Diaz has. nee |
ег been sexier, Penélope Cruz is ар- |
pea -aling—but this Cameron Crow.
emake of a Spanish fil Lal

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0 | [ |

[à

"My favorite movie of all time is The Phil-

adelphia Story,” says Laura San Giacomo

of NBC's hit show Just Shoot

Ме. “I could watch it any-

time. It's not thrilling or.

sexy, but it certainly is ro-

mantic. Actually, it is sexy.

The type of movie | watch

depends on the mood

I'm in. But | can al-

ways laugh. Waiting

for Guffman is one of

my all-time favorites

for that. But it was All

the President's Men

that had a real impact

on me. It's compelling

and feels like you're

zooming in on a world

that everyone held to a
certain standard."

—SUSAN KARLIN,

PUBLIC HEROES

In the aftermath of September 11, police
officers, firemen and postal workers have
been heralded for their on-the-job hero-
ics. But Hollywood has always been be-
hind those in uniform.

Serpico (1973): Few things are more har-
rowing than blowing the whistle on cor-
rupt co-workers, particularly when they
are packing heat and badges. Real-life
undercover detective Frank Serpico (Al
Pacino) had the balls to bust the worst of
New York's finest.

Backdraft (1991): Chicago firefighters
Kurt Russell and William Baldwin search
for a murderous arsonist in an inferno of
terrific special effects. Melodramatic, but
still the best film about firemen.

Daylight (1996): A chemical-laden truck
explodes in New York's Holland Tunnel,
and the fire department is helpless. Luck-
ily, disgraced former Emergency Medi-
cal Services director Sylvester Stallone
is nearby to leap into action. Watch out
for those rats!

Panic in the Streets (1950): New Orleans
Public Health Service commander Rich-
ard Widmark has 48 hours to stop a pneu-
monic plague carried by unsuspecting,
gun-toting gangsters amid a gov
ment cover-up. Exciting film noir
director Elia Kazan.

The Inspectors (1998): At last, a movie
about U.S. postal inspectors! Louis Gos-
seu Jr. and, yes, Jonathan Silverman try
to hand-cancel a mail bomber.

Always (1989): Steven Spielberg's remake
of 194375 А Guy Named Joe. edevil

32 firefighter pilot Richard Dreyfuss dies in

a heroic crash and is returned to earth as
an angel to watch over his replacement,
Brad Johnson. But the angel has a devil
of a time watching Brad get jiggy with
his gal, Holly Hunter.

Fort Apache, The Bronx (1981): The drug-
addled, violence-prone residents of.
the urban hell that is the South Bronx
attack the NYPD's 41st precinct when
the cops get a little too hands-on. Can
patrolman Paul Newman keep his hu-
manity and stay alive?

The Saton Bug (1965): Early bioterrorism
thriller. A doomsday virus created by the
U.S. germ warfare division has been sto-
len by a crazed millionaire. Government
inspector George Maharis, accompanied
by yummy Anne Francis, dons a biosuit
to save Los Angeles.

The Postman (1997): Even WWIII can't
stop self-appointed postal worker Kevin
Costner from making his rounds. Slayed
by critics, this movie has acquired new
meaning. —BUZZ MCCLAIN

DISC ALERT

Writer and director Kevin Smith, whose
Chasing Amy (1997) ranks among the
most sharply observed and unsettling
sex comedies in recent memory, enjoys
cult status. The DVD of his recent film
Joy and Silent Bob Strike Back (Dimension,
$30) offers deleted scenes and a gag reel
that reward Smith's fans—and the unini-
tiated. Strike Back is essentially a stoner
road movie in which Jay (Jason Mewes)
and Silent Bob (Smith)—minor recur-
ring characters from the director's earli-

GUILTY PLEASURE

For those who like their humor without
smiles, The Art of Buster Keaton (Kino on
Video, 11 discs, $200) should give a sea-
son ol delight. Here are all of his 10 fea-
tures, 19 shorts, the complete Hard Luck,
Jail Bait and Allez Oop, his educational
shorts, Keaton's TV show from the Fifties
and some home movies. His studio for-
bade him to be caught smiling on film or in
public, but Keaton has kept the rest of us
in stitches. —JOHN REZEK

er films (including Clerks, Mallrats and
Dogma)—race to Hollywood to block pro-
duction of a film based on characters
they've inspired. The movie swings hard
and misses frequently, but there's a lot
more going on here than in such gag-
fests as Dude, Where's My Car? Homc Vi-
sion continues to introduce DVD versions
of many historically significant Europ
ап films. The latest, Marcel Carné's 19
Children of Paradise, arrives on the heels
of the company's release of Federico
Fellini's extraordinary 8%, and it is по

— GREGORY P FA

less praiseworthy.

Zoolander (Manchurian Candidate meets Prét-o-Porter as
Ben Stiller gleefully blasts the fashion world; lots of howls),
Curse of the Jade Scorpion (hypnotist tricks Forties insurance
guy into robbing clients; Woody Allen's funniest flick in years).

The Others (Nicole Kidman's Victorian-off-the-English-coast is
chock-full of spooks; slow, but stylish and satisfying). Don't
Say a Word (kidnappers will kill shrink Michael Douglas’
daughter unless he can pry numbers from a nut; frenzied).

SUSPENSE

Rock Star (cover-band singer Mark Wahlberg gets drafted to
the Hair Band big leagues; cool, if a power chord shy of
rockin), Lisa Picard Is Famous (not really. but the "actress" at
the center of this mockumentary is riotously self-absorbed),

SHOWBIZ

о (Mekhi Phifer and Julia Stiles do Othello as a prep-school
hoops thing; not Shakespeare, but it's go! game). An Ameri-
соп Rhapsody (immigrant teen, reunited with her folks post.
WWII has issues; heartfelt direction by Eva Gárdos)

DRAMA

Orfeu (ill-fated love unfolds in Rio during Carnival; Brazilian
director Carlos Diegues remakes Black Orpheus with electric
flair), The Shooting Party (well-bred old Brits with rifles learn
about class; an all-star gem, finally back on video).

ART HOUSE

By MARK FRAUENFELDER

WONDERFUL WASTE OF TIME

If you plan on getting anything done for the rest of the day,
don't go to snood.com. This is where you'll find an ad:
game called Snood, which comes in versions for Mac, Win-
dows and Palm. The object of the game is to shoot monster
heads out of a gun at a field of monster heads at the top of the
screen. You have to be smart about where you place your
shot—if you don't think ahead, you'll increase your danger

level (shown by a thermometer off to one side) until all the
floating heads drop by a row. When they drop too far, you're
dead. Snood reminds me a lot of the Atari games in the Eight-

ies, which had simple concepts
but proved to be difficult to
master.

E-CARDS THAT
DON’T SUCK

I had been looking for a |f | 2 aporam a

good e-card site, and then
stumbled across Pickle Par-
ty (pickleparty.com). Most
online greeting cards are
sappy, but Pickle Party's
animated greeting cards are
funny, and frequently offen-
sive (though in a good way).
Be sure to point your female
friends to the "Ladies"

The World

MORE ON CENSORWARE

"Access Denied" (The Playboy Forum,
November) discusses an issue that is a
double-edged sword—using censor-
ware on library computers. 1 have a
story that might make pLaysoy change
its position.

A few years ago, a friend asked me to
show him how to surf the Internet. One
Saturday morning, we went to the pub-
lic library, Two teenagers, a boy and a
girl, occupied both of the computers.
"They kept giggling and making faces
at each other.

Manner, bete

When they left, my friend and I took
a seat at one computer. The screen was
covered with adult material. When I
closed the browser page, another page
of porn appeared. This kept happen-
ing. I was trapped. I had to close out
10 pages of porn before I returned to
a blank window. Two men sitting at a
library computer in a Southern town
with porn on the screen is not the best
situation to find yourself in.

Before leaving that day, 1 told the li-
brary director about the incident. She
put this rule into effect: No one under
the age of 18 may surf at the library
without the permission of a parent or
legal guardian. That's as good а mea-
sure as I know to guarantee the rights
afforded by the Constitution while en-
suring the well-being of those who
have not yet reached maturity.

Mike Vinson
McMinnville, Tennessee

Many libraries have adopted similar rules
or posted “acceptable use" policies. Leaving
porn sites on-screen for the next user is not
an acceptable use.

We would like (o hear your point of view.
Send questions, opinions and quirky stuff to
The Playboy Forum, ғілувоҮ, 680 North
Lake Shore Drive, Chicago, Ilinois 60611,
e-mail forum@playboy.com or fax 312-
951-2939. Please include a daytime phone
number and your city and state or province.

t um Regen.

is it time to get out the rubber hoses?

| ithin weeks of the September 11
WW attacks, pundits began discuss-
ing the possibility of torturing
suspects. Reporters introduced the
idea with serene detachment. “Meth-
ods of interrogation vary from country
to country, and what constitutes in-
humanity in one place might be con-
sidered effectiveness in another,” The
Baltimore Sun reported. The story de-
scribed the harrowing tale of a man
who has become the poster child for
effective torture, Abdul Hakim Mu-
rad, convicted for his role in the 1993
World Trade Center bombing. Murad's
arrest was not the result of stellar po-
lice work—he and his roommate had
set fire to their apartment in the Phil-
ippines while building a bomb, and
he was arrested when he returned to
асап out the flat. According to the Sun,
Philippine intelligence officers subse-
quently “threw a chair at Murad’
head, broke his ribs and put out cig:
arettes on his body. He cracked only
when agents masquerading as the Mos-
sad threatened to take him back to Is-
rael for questioning.”

In a Wall Street Journal op-ed piece
titled "Security Comes Before Liberty.”
historian Jay Winik provided more
detail. He reported that Murad had
taunted the agents, and in retaliation
they had forced water into his mouth
and crushed lighted cigarettes into his
genitals. When the officers threatened
to send him to Israel, Murad named
his roommate, Ramzi Yousef, as the
mastermind of the bombing. He also
babbled about plans to assassinate the
Pope, blow up 11 airplanes simultane-
ously and crash a plane loaded with
nerve gas into the CIA headquarters in
Virginia

“One wonders,” Winik wrote, “what
would have happened if Murad had
been in American custody.” (Presum-
ably, he would have invoked his right
to counsel, his right to remain silent
and his right to be considered innocent
until proven guilty.)

After September 11, the FBI герогі-
ed that it had rounded up more than
1000 people and kept hundreds in cus-
tody. “Nobody is talking,” said an offi-

By JAMES R. PETERSEN

cial. “Frustration has begun to appear.”
The holdouts were not responding to
the usual bribes—lighter sentences,
cash, jobs, new identities and life in the
U.S. Government officials contemplat-
ed the options: truth serum, pressure
tactics, transporting suspects to coun-
tries that sanction torture. Some justi-
fied the idea of torture-by-proxy, argu-
ing that in limited situations the need
to get critical information trumped the
Bill of Rights. Al-
though evidence
obtained through
torture is not ad-
missible in U.S.
courts, officials said
that extraordinary
times called for ex-
traordinary tactics.

Newsweek's Jon-
athan Alter caused
a ruckus when he
seemed to endorse
that view. “It's a new
world, and survival
may well require
old techniques that
seemed out of the
question.” he wrote
Alter said he op-
posed legalizing
physical torture,
but he wondered about mind games.
Could we at least subject terror sus-
pects to psychological torture, such as
tapes of dying rabbits or high-decibel
rap? How about the outlawed Israeli
technique called shaking? “Shaking en-
tailed placing a smelly bag over a s
pect's head in a dark room, then apply-
ing scary psychological torment,” Alter
began. But he bailed before the money
shot: “To avoid lessening the potential
impact on terrorists, 1 won't specify ex-
actly what kind.” Our old assumptions
about law enforcement, Alter wrote,
are “hopelessly September 10.”

The intellectuals next weighed in
with their thoughts on the ethical ba-
sis of the third degree. Harvard law
professor Alan Dershowitz suggested
that a torture warrant could allow au-
thorities to use extreme interrogation
Michael Levin, who two decades ago

wrote an essay called The Case for Tor-
ture, argued that “the right of innocents
not to be murdered outweighed the
right of terrorists not to be tortured.”
(Make that suspected terrorists.)

The chief problem with the idea of
torture is that while it's an efficient way
to degrade human beings, silence dis-
sent and Create martyrs, it sucks as an
investigative tool. It's often not even
necessary. Let's reexamine the case of

Abdul Murad. When police responded
to the fire in his apartment, they found
dangerous chemicals, a pipe bomb, a
timer, a handwritten bomb manual, ec
clesiastical robes intended as disguises
and a map of the Pope's route during
a proposed visit to Manila. They re-
trieved deleted files from a laptop com-
puter of a plot to plant bombs aboard
U.S. airliners. The files included flight
schedules as well as bogus identifica-
tion cards with photographs of Murad,
Yousef and an accomplice. They found
a copy of a chemistry textbook from
the library of the Swansea Institute,
where Yousef had studied. An associ-
ate tipped off police to Yousef’s where-
abouts so that he could collect a $2
million reward. During questioning,
Yousef supposedly bragged about plans
for a kamikaze attack on the CIA, a
plot to assassinate Bill Clinton and his

own ability to turn Casio watches into
time bombs.

Who needs Murad? His torture did
not produce anything crucial to foiling
the plots. More disturbing, perhaps, is
that it was considered business as usu-
al—part of a culture that had come to
accept torture as standard investigative
technique. If the experience of other
countries is any indication, once you al-
low the torture of terrorists, the defini-
uon of terrorist slowly expands. (Steve
Chapman, a columnist for the Chicago
Tribune, noted a practical objection:
“It's impossible to write a law that re-
stricts the use of torture to cases where
a considerable number of lives are in
peril, and police are sure they have a
guilty party who can provide the infor-
mation needed to avert the catastro-
phe-") Philippine intelligence, which
has a reputation for extrajudicial exe-
cutions, tortures not only terrorists but

also citizens suspected of links to com-
munist or Muslim opposition groups.
Even small-time crooks have received
the treatment. According to Amnesty
International, common methods in-
clude fists, gun butts, electroshocks,
rape, sexual abuse and partial sufo-
cation. Certainly, torture appears to
work: Six of nine suspects arrested for
the murder of an intelligence officer
confessed after police held plastic bags
over their heads.

Were they guilty? Who knows. As
shown by 17th century witch trials, tor-
ture elicits confessions but not neces-
sarily the truth. It reflects the lack of
imagination, paranoia and insecurity
of the inquisitor. A 19th century civil
servant described the techniques of In-
dian police this way: “There is a great
deal of laziness in it. It is far pleasant-
er to sit comfortably in the shade rub-

bing red pepper into a poor devil's
eyes than to go about in the sun hunt-
ing up evidence.”

For his book Unspeakable Acts, Ordi-
nary People, john Conroy interviewed a
Vietnam vet who admitted using tor-
ture (hooking a field telephone to a po-
tential informant, putting a hood over
someone's head and taking him for a
helicopter ride). The soldier was not
confident that he ever got the truth.
He explained that torture generated
reports, and that reports pleased the
chain of command: “We developed in-
formation about a Viet Cong political
school and we went in there to bomb
the piss out of it. But you don't know
if anybody is there or not. You don't
know if the information is accurate, but
there is information and there is action
based on it, so everybody is happy."

The 20th century has introduced its
own novel forms of interrogation. Ac-
cording to one
history of torture,
in Russia, the Che-
ka would place
“one open end of
a metal cylinder
against the prison-
er's chest, placing
a rat in the other
end and sealing
the outer end with
wire mesh. When
the tube was heat-
ed, the rat, in a
frenzy to escape,
ate its way into the
prisoner's flesh.
Mussolini's OVRA
pumped their vic-
tim's stomach full
of castor oil. The

се» Nazis appear to
have been the first to use electrical de-
ces, although Argentine police offi-
cers proudly claimed to have invented
the picana electrica, a thin metal rod at-
tached to a source of electric current
and then applied to different parts of
the body.” Argentinians gave the ma-
chine they used a nickname, Susan,
and told prisoners that they were about
to have “a chat with Susan.” South
Africans called the dance with electric-
ity “telephoning” or “playing the ra-
dio.” In Dubai, the people who in-
stalled a modern torture chamber
called it “the House of Fun.” Do we re-
ally want to be part of this jovial march
of progress?

Israel may make the claim that “high-
pressure” interrogation has uncovered
bomb plots, but at what cost? The Is-
raeli Supreme Court recently declared
the much vaunted shaking technique

to be unconstitutional, in part because
of indiscriminate use. In Israel, 85 per-
cent of the 1000 Arabs arrested in 1998
by the General Security Service were
subjected to some degree of torture.
Threats to the state of Israel have in-
cluded children throwing rocks, graffi-
ti artists painting PLO slogans and mu-
sicians singing nationalist songs. Some
of those arrested were simply standing
in the wrong place.

In Unspeakable Acts, Ordinary People,
Conroy details the British use of “the
five techniques” on suspected IRA sym-
pathizers: putting hoods over victims,
forcing them to stand for hours, bom-
barding them with noise and depriving
them of food and sleep. When the pub-
lic learned in the Seventies that British
authorities were using such techniques,
some newspapers defended the prac-
tice, saying that the security forces
were “not dealing with normally law-
abiding citizens but with fanatics” and
that the techniques were less evil than
“the rack, water torture, electric tor-
ture, beating and such brutality.”

According to a survey on torture,
one in three nations condones it—and
the others often look the other way.
Conroy compiled a list, dating to the
Thirties, of tortures used in the U.S.:
Police have deprived suspects of food
and sleep, beaten them with clubs,
blackjacks, rubber hoses, telephone
books and whips, inserted needles un-
der their fingernails, crushed their
knuckles and testicles with pliers and
applied electric shocks to their genitals.
They have exposed prisoners to tear
gas, hung them headfirst from win-
dows, lifted them off the ground by
their handcuffed arms or by their gen-
itals, beaten the soles of their feet, set
police dogs on them and suffocated
them with plastic bags.

What sets the U.S. apart is that when
we discover such abuses, we usually try
to correct them, Judges at least consid-
er the appeals of prisoners who claim
their confessions were a result of tor-
ture. Yet even when the charges are true,
we show little outrage. Jon Burge, the
Chicago police lieutenant accused by
suspects of wiring them to a little black
box, beating them and putting the bar-
rel of a gun into their mouths, lives on
a full pension in Florida. Many of the
confessions he solicited came from in-
nocent men, wl those who had com-
mitted the crimes walked free.

A historian who looked at the French
experience in Algeria concluded that
the problem was not the torture itself
but the public’s indifference to it. Is
that where we're headed? Or are we
already there?

N E W

5 Е R

ОАЫ T

what's happening in the sexual and social arenas

AWIGGLETOOFAR
KEANSBURG, NEW JERSEY— Police ar-
rested a man for wiggling his tongue at

two women and a 12-year-old girl. The
man first wiggled his tongue at the wom-

en, who alerted a patrolman. A few min-
utes later, police say, the man wiggled his
tongue at the girl. The deputy police chief
said the wiggling constituted harassment.
“He crossed the line, especially with the ju-
venile," the officer explained. “It wasn't
like when a little kid does it.”

МЕН

STOCKHOLM—Annoyed by the prolifer-
ation of sex sites online, a fashion maga-
zine and an advertising agency teamed up
at getsomereal.com in a novel bait and
switch. The group and its supporters have
posted more than 25,000 fake porn siles,
each seeded with hard-core slang to grab
top placements in Internet search engine
results.

WATCH YOUR MOUTH

MAZABUKA, ZAMBIA—A court sentenced
а German tourist to six years of hard labor
for having oral sex. Police arrested the
man and a local woman as they came out
from behind a bush. She admitied to the
crime and was not charged. A judge told
the tourist he should have known Zambia
bans “unnatural” sex but that he would go
easy on him since it was a first offense (the
‘maximum sentence is 14 years).

SAN FRANCISCO—An inmate serving a
LI 1-year sentence wanted a child. When
officials refused to let the prisoner ship his
semen lo his wife, the man sued. A federal
court ruled 2-1 in his favor, stating that
male prisoners have a fundamental right
to father children. The dissenting judge
scoffed at the idea that inmates should be
allowed to “procreate from prison via Fed
Ex.” The court said its ruling does not ap-
ply to female prisoners because their preg-
nancies raise different issues for correction
officials.

NEW YORK—A study found that women
undergoing in vitro fertilization who had
strangers praying for them had a high-
er pregnancy rate. The researchers, led by
a team from Columbia University, gave
Christian prayer groups in North America
and Australia the names and photos of
169 women in Korea who were atiempting.
lo get pregnant. Over four months, the
women being prayed for, who did not know
that God was being asked to intercede, had
twice as much success getting pregnant.
The researchers initially balked at publish-
ing the study because its resulls seemed
improbable.

FEME COMMITMENT =

VENTURA, CALIFORNIA—In the mid-
Eighties, lawyer David Culp began to fall
apart. He became abusive to judges and
other counsel and once shook a judge's
desk in a blind rage. His condition was di-
agnosed as depression and bipolar disor-
der. When Culp closed his practice and his
monthly income dropped to $1049 in dis-
ability payments, he did what seemed nat-
ural: He sued his parents. A county judge
ordered the retirees to pay their 50-year-old
son $3500 a month indefinitely. She cited
a state law that says “the father and moth-
er have an equal responsibility to maintain
a child of whatever age who is incapacitat-
ed.” She also said she considered the possi-
bility that Culp's problems were hereditary
or resulted from abuse.

кенен | ЕНІНЕН) инна

ORILLIA, ONTARIO—Last fall, police
seized 20,000 marijuana plants, worth
about $20 million. The cops buried the
plants, which filled 50 truckloads, in the
city landfill. Two days later, residents be-
gan sneaking inlo the facility to unearth

the weed. “The first night, there were 35
guys ош there,” said the manager of a lo-
cal head shop. Police got wise when dirt-
cheap “dump weed" began circulating on
the street. Less than a week after the raid,
cops caught six men at the fill stuffing
their pockets with rotting plants.

LONDON— The British government an-
nounced plans to relax marıjuana laws.
The proposal, which must be approved by
Parliament, would move pot to the low-
est class of illegal drugs. Police who en-
counter a person with reefer would issue a
warning or, in rare cases, a court sum-
mons. Police hope thal by eliminating mar-
ijuana arrests (which currently make up
almost 70 percent of all drug busts) they
шШ have more time to go after the users of
other narcotics.

ANN ARBOR. MICHIGAN—Christian Sil-
bereis dressed as a big pussy for Hal-
loween, and officials at his high school
were not happy about it. The senior's full-
length costume resembled a vulva, includ-
ing folds of pink satin and puffs of wig
hair. Underneath, he wore a T-shirt with
ап image of a fetus. The teenager had bor-
rowed the homemade getup from his moth-
er, a midwife who had worn it to a party
the previous Halloween. “It's just another

body part,” he said. “They teach us about

school.” Silbereis" classmates voted it
best costume, but the assistant dean said
she and other staff members felt that it was
demeaning. The teenager was suspended
for two and a half days.

Anticipation is half the fun.

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PLAYBOY INTERVIEW: ALLEN IVERSON

а candid conversation with the nba’s dervish тор about life in the hood, his
tattoo addiction, his battles with the press and learning to love larry brown

When Allen Iverson was named most val-
unable player of the National Basketball As-
sociation last season and subsequently led
the Philadelphia 76ers lo the NBA Finals
against the mighty Los Angeles Lakers, his
turbulent career suddenly took on an air of
redemption. Five years earlier, the six-foot
guard had exploded onto the NBA scene, just
three years removed from а jail sentence on а
“maiming by mob” charge that would later
be overturned. He was viewed as a threat
to the establishment—an establishment that
had embraced the nonthreatening image of
Michael Jordan.

Iverson was the anti-Jordan. He quickly
sparked two in-your-j -face style trends that
transcended the insular world of profession-
al sports: He began to adorn himself with
tattoos, and he wore his hair in cornrows,
one of the first athletes to adopt a style al-
ready fashionable among rappers. While a
prodigy on the basketball court, his breath-
lakingly quick game was overshadowed by a
series of off-court controversies. There were
his friends from back home who were arrest-
ed for drug dealing while driving his car.
There was the night in 1997 when he was
charged with carrying a concealed weap-
on and possession of marijuana. There were
the rebellious run-ins with his traditional-
ist coach, Larry Brown, and a controversy

“Once 1 got my first tattoo, 1 just gol addict-
ed. And then the NBA airbrushed my tattoos
off the cover of some magazine, and that up-
set me. They didn't look al the meaning of my
tattoos. They're a part of me.”

sparked by the promotion of a rap CD he'd
cut. His lyrics offended gay and women’s
groups, and he subsequently shelved the
CD's release.

After the CD imbroglio in the fall of 2000,
a Philadelphia columnist went so far as to
call Iverson “nothing but a thug with mon-
ey.” Bul then something happened. His tem-
pestuous relationship with Brown achieved a
sort of détente, and his team jumped out to a
10-0 start and went on to post the best record
in the NBA's Eastern Conference. Suddenly,
Iverson was being seen for what he was on
the court: the littlest player with the biggest
heart, a fiery competitor who willed a per-
petually undermanned team to victory after
victory. Those who had criticized him em-
braced him and began to see past the macho
pose and swaggering street persona. For his
part, Iverson didn't view his story as one of
redemption so much as vindication of his
hip-hop-inspired creed to “keep it real.”

Iverson was born on June 7, 1975 in
Hampton, Virginia to his single 15-year-old
mother, Ann. His biological father, with
whom he has no contact, is in jail. The man
who raised him, Michael Freeman, has spent
much of the past 10 years in and out of cor-
rectional facilities. These days, Ann can be
seen courtside at Sixers games, wearing an
Iverson jersey and holding aloft a sign that

“H's hard to think when you're seared. ГА
rather be smart. Гое never been scared of
anything, just being where I'm from. After
all the shit Гое seen, you think I'm going to
feel pressure from a game?”

reads THATS MY BOY! Growing up, Iverson
says, Ann was his one and ouly role model,
someone who “did what she had to do to put
food on the table.”

It was on Ihe playgrounds of Hampton
that Iverson's famed crossover dribble had its
roots. The basketball court and football field
(Iverson was an all-state high school quar-
terback) were escapes from a perilous world
where chalk outlines and yellow police tape
were a common sight, and [rom a home that
often would have no plumbing or electric-
йу. As a senior in high school, Iverson was
charged with taking part in a racially moti-
vated brawl. Despite having no record, he
was tried as an adult and sentenced to five
years in jail. Former Virginia governor Doug-
las Wilder granted him clemency and the
conviction was later overturned for lack of
evidence, but Iverson still feels the effects of
four months of incarceration. “It made him
harder,” says his mother. It was she who
approached then Georgetown coach John
Thompson and implored him to help her son.

Once Iverson was released, he starred for
two seasons under Thompson, who was de-
manding off the court and indulgent on it.
Thompson was known for a predictable and
heavily choreographed offense, but he lel Га
erson run wild. “Think about what's hap-
pened in that child's life,” Thompson said at

“Tm not that guy who's rapping. It's an art
form, you're just talking smack. It's like a
movie. Bruce Willis don't do the things he do
ina movie, right? Its just a movie. Everyone
took it all out of proportion."

the time, in response to those who were sur-
prised by his tolerance of Iverson's freewheel-
ing style of play. “The last thing he needs is
structure. He needs to be free as a bird. He
needs to fly.”

In two seasons under Thompson, Iverson
averaged more than 20 points per game and
started to develop his crassover dribble, an
in-your-face move that has done for ballhan-
dling what Jordan and Julius Erving did for
the slam dunk: turn it into a weapon of in-
timidation. Iverson led Georgetown to with-
in a game of the Final Four as a sophomore,
just before making himself eligible for the
1996 NBA draft. The 76ers chose him with
the first overall pick, and Iverson went on to
average over 23 points per game and earned
Rookie of the Year honors

But Iverson's entry into the pro ranks was
stormy. On the court, his selflessness was
questioned after he scored an NBA record 40
or more points in five consecutive games—
and his team lost each and every one. Off the
court, his friends were widely dismissed as
his “posse,” and he seemed to become sullen
and uncommunicalive. Even today, Iverson
is distrustful of those outside his inner circle,
and he rarely grants in-depth interviews

Playboy sent Larry Platt, editor-at-large at
Philadelphia Magazine and the author of
19997 Keepin’ It Real: A Turbulent Season
at the Crossroads With the NBA, on the road
with Iverson for a series of conversations. He
found a defiant yet introspective superstar
still intent on remaining true to those who

have been true to him. Platt reports: "Peo-
ple don't live their lives by moral codes any-
more—but Iverson does. He has his code
branded on his neck, where he wears a tattoo
of the Chinese symbol for loyalty.

“I found a newly wedded Iverson still
grieving over the October murder of one of
his best friends. Rashan “Rah” Langeford
died after being shot seven times following
an argument in his hometown of Newport
News, Virginia, Iverson, who has seen more
than his share of death on the streets of his
youth, kept returning to the subject of the
lost friend, getting choked up al one point.
Our conversation began with Iverson's de-
cision to emblazon on his skin his form of

self-definition.”

PLAYBOY: People are curious about you,
maybe because you've been so inaccessi-
ble to the media, When we're asked what
you're like, what should we tell them?

IVERSON: Tell them not to believe what
they read or hear. Tell them to read my
body. I wear my story every day, man.

PLAYBOY: What do your tattoos mean?

IVERSON: | got 21 of them. I got CRU тнк
in four places—that's my crew, that's
what we call ourselves, me and the guys
I grew up with, the guys I'm loyal to. I
got my kids’ names, Tiaura and Deuce
[Allen 11], ‘cause they're everything to
me. They make me want to make bet-
ter decisions every day. 1 got my wife's
name, Tawanna, on my stomach. A set

of praying hands between my grand-
ma's initials—she died when I was real
young—and my mom's initials, Ethel
Ann Iverson. I put shit on my body that
means something to me. Here, on my
left shoulder, 1 got a cross of daggers
knitted together that says ONLY THE
STRONG SURVIVE, because that's the one
true thing I've learned in this life. On
the other arm, I got a soldier's head. I
feel like my life has been a war and l'm
a soldier in it. Here, on my lefi forea
it says хвм— ог "Newport Bad News
"That's what we call our hometown of
Newport News, Virginia, because a lot of
bad shit happens there. On the other
arm, I got the Chinese symbol for re-
spect, because I feel that where I come
from deserves respect—being from
there, surviving from there and staying
true to everybody back there. I got one
that says FEAR NO ONE, a screaming skull
with a red line through it—'cause you'll
never catch me looking scared. This one
here, on my right forearm, used to be a
grim reaper holding a basketball, ‘cause
that's who 1 am to other guards in this
league. But I changed it to a panther
after my friends teased me and said it
looked like a damned flying monkey.

PLAYBOY: When you first came into the
NBA, you had only two tattoos, THE AN-
SWER, your nickname, and a rendering
of a bulldog, the Georgetown mascot.
Then, during your rookie year, you got

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PLAYBOY

more tattoos and started braiding your
hair. Was that in response to all the neg-
> publicity you got that year, all the
speculation that you were a thug and
a hood
IVERSON: Once | got my first tattoo 1 was
addicted. It was stuff I really meant and
really felt, and I just put it on my body.
And then the NBA airbrushed my tat-
toos off the cover of some magazine, and
that upset me. 1 have my mom's name
оп my body, my kids’, my grandmother's
who passed away. Things that mean
something to me. And for that to hap-
pen, it was kind of tough. But they didn't
look at the meaning of my tattoos—they
Just saw that they were tattoos, and they
airbrushed them off. But they're a part
of me.

PLAYBOY: Was that the kind of thing you
were talking about at your MVP press
conference last season, when you looked
right at your boys standing in the back
and said, “I did this my way.” Did you
mean you resisted the advice to, as you
see it, sell out by consciously trying to
"cross over"?

IVERSON: Exactly. People used to always
tell me to wear a suit, look this way, look
that way, cut my hair, stuff like that. But
those things don't make you the person
you are—the person inside does. Гүс
never been any bad type of person—it's
just that people didn't want to even try
to understand me. They looked at the
tattoos, the baggy clothes and the jewel-
ry and judged me on all that. But, I
mean, I was 20, 21, 22 years old, going
through a phase in my life. 1 wanted to
grow as a person, but having this talent,
they expected me to act like І was 30 or
35 years old. I was in this learning pro-
cess, and they were rushing me. I had to
grow up fast, and when I made mistakes
people acted like it was such a big thing.
But I was young and I made mistakes. 1
still make mistakes. When I said 1 did it
my way, I meant 1 was just being real to
myself. I hadn't changed the type of per-
son I am, I just got smarter. I made smart-
er decisions and tried to do what was
right for Allen Iverson and his family.
PLAYBOY: The media take on you by the
end of last season, though, was that
you'd changed, you'd matured.
IVERSON: Nah, I'm just getting older. 1
mean, when you're 26 you're not the
same as when you were 21. People find
that hard to believe, and I don't know
why. It happens automatically. You were
probably in college at 21 and then five
years later you're working at your news-
paper and going to bed carlier.

PLAYBOY: Hell, we were frantically trying
to stay in school so we'd have an excuse
to still be immature-
IVERSON: [Laughs] Bet nobody was writ-
ing about how immature you were. It's
funny, no one's saying they were wrong
about me back then. They're saying I've

58 changed. I ain't no saint all of a sudden.

The saddest part is that it took winning
for those people to even try to under-
stand who I am.

PLAYBOY: So the next storyline
changed, he's grown up”?
IVERSON: Yeah, yeah. It’s like, "Let's
write about that so we can sell some
more papers,” even though they don't
know if I've changed, because they nev-
er tried to understand me five years ago.
PLAYBOY: Another example of that took
place at the beginning of last season,
with the promotional release of a single
from your rap CD, which you've now de-

“He's

cided not to release. On the first day of

training camp, you told reporters you
wouldn't talk about it, because you knew
they weren't there to honestly try to un-
derstand rap music,

IVERSON: Man, they were there to judge
me. Гуе gone through it with the media
since I was 17, when I got thrown in jail.
I'll never be able to understand the me-
dia, but I think I can put up with them, I
can deal with them, I can accept any-
thing they say about me or write about
me, because they've said so many things.
Гуе just got used to it and J try not to

Гое struggled
all my life. Even
when things were
good, they weren't
that good. That all
made me harder.

give them anything negative to write
about me.

PLAYBOY: In last season's playoff series
against Toronto, you dropped the first
game at home and were in a tight game
two. The whole season was basically
on the line, and you came up with 54
points, including your team’s final 19
points in the game's last eight minutes.
Alterward you were asked where such a
performance came from and you said
just two words: “Life. Poverty.” Can you
elaborate on that
IVERSON: It came from struggle. I strug-
gled all my life. Even when things were
good, they weren't that good. That all
le me harder. And now I look at tl
as just a game. That's what it is, just
a game. There are a lot more serious
things going on in the world than bas-
ketball. But basketball has always been a
time when I can get my mind off every-
thing that’s going on around me and
concentrate for two hours on just this.
PLAYBOY: So basketball is actually a re-
lease for you?

IVERSON: Exactly. You just put that in
perspective and know it's just a game.
Win or lose, it's a game. Yeah, you want

to win, so you play as hard as you can
and try to win, but if you lose, you know
when you look in the mirror that you
gave the effort.

PLAYBOY: Was basketball always an escape
for you?

IVERSON: Growing up was hard, man. We
had busted plumbing, so there was sew-
age shit floating around our floors.
Sometimes we had no lights, because it
was a question of food or the light bill,
and my mom wasn't about to let us go
hungry. So I'd hit the playground morn-
ing, noon and night.

PLAYBOY: What about now? Your friend
Rah was murdered in October, just af-
ter you had elbow surgery. Did not be-
ing able to play make that tougher to
deal with?

IVERSON: That was the hardest thing. 1
couldn't even get on the court to try to
take my mind off it for a couple of hours.
It just stayed on my mind, and it still
does, except when I'm on the court. I
think about the good times ve had, the
things we went through. Most of all, I
keep telling myself that he did his job
with helping somebody—me. He helped
me so much just by being a rcal friend
and always telling me when he thought
I was wrong. When he thought I was
right, he stuck up for me. And I needed
that in a friend, instead of a bunch of
people telling me everything I want to
hear. That's not going to help. But losing
Rah has helped me realize a lot of other
things that 1 wouldn't have paid atten-
tion to, so I use that as a positive.
PLAYBOY: What other things?

iverson: A lot of things dealing with my
life and how I live. How I go through
life. The responsibility. Rah had three
kids, you know? And now I have to take
care of those kids. So when I leave this
place and God calls me, 1 want my wife
and my kids and my mother and my si
ters to be taken care of. I want there to
be enough there for all those kids to go
to college and do something with their
lives. That's what I'm concentrating on
every day. How to be the best father, best
husband, best teammate, best son, best
cousin, best brother I can.

PLAYBOY: You really looked up to Rah as
a rapper, didn't you?

IVERSON: Him and E [Iverson's friend
Eric Jackson], they were the best I ever
heard. Now it's important for E to do his
rap thing, because we know Rah would
have wanted him to go ahead. It was
hard for me not to do the rap thing, be-
cause I know how much Rah wanted it.
We used to talk about it when we were
younger, how if one of us got the oppor-
tunity to get enough money, we'd start
our own record company. So once 1
could do it for them, I didn't want them
going out there in the music world and
getting jerked around. | was like, "Let's
do this ourselves.” But once 1 had a deal

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АТ NEWSSTANDS NOW

and everything went down, the contro-
versy was just too much. People took it
the wrong way. It's like when you see
Bruce Willis or Samuel L. Jackson in a
movie and they got guns and they're
shooting people. It's just an art form.
I'm not that guy rapping. I'm just talk-
ing smack. It's like a movie. You know
Bruce Willis don't do the things he do
in the movies, right? It’s just a movie.
Everyone took it all out of proportion
and | got so much flak about it, and J
don’t think I would have if I wasn't a bas-
ketball player.
PLAYBOY: Your raps were tame compared
with, say, Eminem's.
IVERSON: I don't knock Eminem. I mean,
he's trying to feed himself and his family
and he's expressing himself. You don't
know what that guy's been through in
his life, and that's a talent he was given.
God gave him that talent. And he's just
using it to the best of his ability. I don't
think he's out there shooting anybody or
provoking violence or anything like that.
He's trying to sell records. My hat's off to
anybody trying to do something positive
with their life instead of being out there
getting in trouble. But it was tough not
being able to do that rap thing.
PLAYBOY: You can revisit it at some point,
though, right?
IVERSON: Nah, I want to leave that chap-
ter in my life because the people in the
media took thc fun out of it. It used to
be fun. I remember doing it when I was
in high school, elementary school, just
standing on the corner, rapping. Talking
trash, you know. I just wanted to give my
friends the opportunity to realize their
ream, But it didn't fit right with peo-
ple—all these people were getting a neg-
ative vibe from it—so then it didn't fit
right with me. I didn’t want people drill-
ing into kids’ heads that I was some neg-
ative bad guy who walks around looking
for trouble. So rather than paint that
picture of me, I'll leave it alone and
won't do it again. I never wanted to do it
for money, 1 just wanted to do it because
it was special to me.
PLAYBOY: Actually, your aborted rap CD
would not have been the first time you
laid down some tracks. You appeared on
Mase's Pay Per View. By the way, Mase
gave up the rap game to become a
preacher. Is that conversion for real?
IVERSON: [Smiling] Must be, he don't go
to пиу bars no more.
PLAYBOY: Mase was quite a high school
ballplayer in New York, too.
Yeah, he talked that shit. I
ist him one time. He was just
running his mouth a whole lot. I played
him one-on-one for $10,000. I told
we were going to play to 20, I'd give him
19 and the ball five times in a row. Then
I was gonna score 20 unanswered. So we
started playing, and once I stopped him

five times in a row, he started beating me
up, fouling me every time. I tied it at 19
and he knew he was in trouble, because
1 shot a jumper and missed and he
grabbed the rebound and put it back in.
He didn't take it back or nothing. And
then he ran off the court, jumping
around like he won. Hell if I was about
to pay him [laughing].

PLAYBOY: Rappers like Master Р, Dr. Dre
and Puffy are not only the product,
they're also the entrepreneur behind
the product. A couple of years ago you
fired David Falk as your agent, saying
you “felt like the prey.” Was that act in-
fluenced by the examples of hip-hop-
pers who were calling the shots in their
own careers?
IVERSON: Definitely—I
just wanted to be in
charge of my own
shit. I didn't need ап
agent anymore, with
the new NBA rules
and everything. I felt
all I needed was a
lawyer. I would nev-
er say anything bad
about David Falk, I
would never assassi-
nate his character.
Anything we went
through was because
I put myself in that
predicament. I was
young and came out
of college early into
a world of hyenas. I
didn't know as much
about the business as
I know now, or as
much as I will know,
but I'm learning. 1
always played like a
professional on the
basketball court, but I
didn't handle myself
like a professional. |?

And I'm not going to | Werdeiwakamnoidieronen ESCORT
be tough on myself ae ea

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and feel like I should Rep Sisi e"

have been able to do
that. I was so young. I
had to learn, and I'm
happy with my progress and where I'm
at right now as a person.

PLAYBOY: We were talking earlier about
your struggles growing up. Is it true that
when you were 16, eight of your friends
were murdered?

IVERSON: Yeah, that was the summer I
met Rah. I mean, they were guys in the
neighborhood. 1 call them friends, be-
cause I saw them every day. I had deal-
gs with them, at the playground, what-
er. It was wild, that summer. Tony
Clark was one of them. He was my best
friend. He was а real cool guy, about six
years older than me, who looked out for
me on the streets. He taught me a lot of

2000 Escor inc

things about how to survive. And his
girlfriend killed him. Stabbed him.

There were a lot of other guys dying
that summer in the neighborhood. So
my mom said once the school season
started, she didn't want me back out in
that part of Newport News. My father
was living out there. So that's why I was
out there, staying with him. She got her-
self back on her feet and I went and
stayed with Gary Moore, who was my
football coach when I was a kid. Now
he's my personal assistant.

PLAYBOY: Were you scared growing up in
that environment?

IVERSON: It was just Ше, man. You didn't
have time to be scared. It's hard to think
when you're scared. I'd rather be smart.
I've never been scared of anything, be-
ing where I'm from, the things I've

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seen and been through.
PLAYBOY: So that's why there's no pres-
sure in a basketball game?

IVERSON: After all the shit l've seen, you
think I'll feel pressure from a game? See-
ing how life can end at any second makes
me play so hard. I know to play every
play like it's my last. Who knows if you'll
be around for the next play—you know
what I'm saying?

PLAYBOY: You once said God was with you
in that jail cell and that you always had
faith you'd get out and get back on the
road to realizing your hoops dream.
Where did you get that faith?

IVERSON: It comes from my grandmom
and my mom. They were churchgoing
people. Even now, before games, my

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mom sprinkles haly water on my face
and blesses me. They helped me realize
it was all because of God that anything
positive was happening to me. And the
negative things as well. But I never
thought He'd put anything on me I
couldn't handle. 1 always just trust in
Him and believe in Him. I know there's
somebody that wakes me up every
morning, I know there's somebody that
gave me this talent. A lot of guys around
here play basketball, but none of them
play it at this level and none of them get
a chance to see what I've seen in my life.
That's what makes me feel good about
the friendship I had with Rah. He saw
things he might have never seen, he
been to places and he experienced
things. I know he had
fun, because he was a
happy-go-lucky guy.
And in one night, all
that ended. But I
know I'll see him
Й again. We'll have fun
like we always had. I
just miss laughing
with him. I even miss
arguing with him,
and me and him used
to argue damn near
every day. That's be-
cause we cared about
each other.

PLAYBOY: Michael Jor-
dan was cut from his
high school team.
Julius Erving once
said that the first ime
he picked up a basket-
ball he "couldn't play
worth a lick.” Was it
the same for you, or
were you a prodigy

atures

PassPORT | Joa

Шы | IVERSON: I remember

a E d coming home one day
Plus pa andiing " ғы.

Our a issus | "hen 1 жаз cight

years old, and my
mom said, “Get ready,
you going to basket-
ball practice.” And I
said, “What? Basket-
ball?” I was crying,
saying, “I don't want to play basketball.
Basketball's for punks. 1 don't play bas-
ketball, I'm a football player." And she
was like, "Well, you're getting out of
here and you're going to practice." Man,
I cried all the way out the door. And then
when I got there, I seen so many people
from my football team. I caught on fast,
just watching other guys. I seen what
a layup was, what a jumper was. And,
man, ever since that day, l've been play-
ing basketball. I fell in love with it. Every
team I played on, I was the best player,
from that day on.

PLAYBOY: How do you explain that?
IVERSON: That's God, man—there’s no
question about it. And I was strictly a
football player before that day. I thought

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basketball was soft.

PLAYBOY: Do you still think that?
IVERSON: Hell, no! [Laughs] Hell, no.
Look at me, man [pointing lo bulky wrap
around his surgically repaired elbow].
PLAYBOY: Jordan is like a craftsman,
known for his work ethic. But your tal-
ent seems more creatively inspired. Do
you consider yourself more of an artist
than a laborer?

IVERSON: Yeah, I'm always creating
something. If I'm not creating on the
court, I'm coming up with lyrics or I'm
drawing cartoons. I'm a caricaturist. I
draw and draw and draw, so when my
basketball career is over I'll have all this
artwork and ГЇЇ do something with it. I
spend a lot of my time drawing carica-
tures of my teammates and my family.
See, when I play my last game, that's it,
I'm done. There will be no comebacks
for me. If my daughter or son want to
play the game, ГЇЇ help them out. After
I leave the game, that's when I'm going
to concentrate on developing myself as
an artist.

PLAYBOY: What's life like at the Iverson
household these days?

IVERSON: Man, I got the greatest house-
hold. I got the greatest wife, Tawanna. I
love her. She's helped me so much, more
than you can imagine. Just helping me
become the person I am—and the play-
er. Being there for me all the time. She's
a great mother, she’s a great wife. Words
can't even explain how I feel about her.
I've been with her 10 years. I met her in
high school, 10th grade.

PLAYBOY: What's a typical night like?
IVERSON: Just watching VCR movies.
PLAYBOY: Kids climbing all over you?
IVERSON: Nah, it's, "Y'all gotta get out
of here. Go in your own room, we're
watching a movie right now." I ain't go-
ing to lie to you, there's a whole lot of
noise in my house. All these kids do is
run around, make noise, tear up the
house. Tiaura puts Tawanna through
hell when I'm not around. I don't even
have to say nothing to her. I just look at
her—she knows the look I give her, the
"you better calm your ass down" look.
But that's the best part of this life, my
wife and kids. Like right now, l'm on a
long road trip, eight days. To go back
home to my family makes me feel good,
regardless. If we're playing out in Los
Angeles and lose, we have to take that
long flight back to Philly, but once you
get there, it’s all over. You don't even
think about the game no more. The
game is secondary.

PLAYBOY: As recently as the summer of
2000, it looked like you and coach Larry
Brown couldn't co-exist. Your team tried
to trade you. In fact, they did, but your
then-teammate Matt Geiger nixed the
deal by refusing to waive some contract
provisions. How did that affect you?

IVERSON: That was a tough learning ex-
perience. It showed that people on
teams always talk about being family, but
this is really a business and they can give
up on you. I been through hell in this or-
ganization, coming from winning only
22 games, then 3] games, and the way
the media treated me and my friends at
first. And then gradually I became better
and better, and we started to win. I felt,
after all that, this was how I was going to
be treated? You gonna send me to a
worse situation than this one? I'm win-
ning now, and now you're sending me
toa loser? I felt bad about that, but I had
to look at myself, too. That was the ma-
turing I had done, understanding that
many of the things that were going on I
had a lot of control

nothing to hide from me. We can talk to
each other now. Before, it was like he'd
talk to me and I could just tell that he
thought 1 was like, “Man, get out of my
face," when I was really paying attention
to him. He'd be like, "Why are you look-
ing like that?" I'd be like, "What are you
talking about? I'm listening to you. I'm
right here with you. 1 don't want to fight
you today." We just had to get to know
each other on a better level. Once that
happened, the sky was the limit. Honest-
ly, 1 got a lot of respect for ће guy. I love
that guy. I love who he is and what he
stands for. I can't believe we used to
bump heads like we did, but if it got us
to where we're at right now, I'm glad
we went through all of it.

from going through different things.
Just from getting my heart broken. Like
different reporters. I'm looking at you
and I'm thinking, Here's the coolest re-
porter in the world. Because you seem
that way. You're not talking about the
same thing, you've got different ques-
tions. It's interesting to me. And then
the next day, the article comes out and
it's a bunch of bullshit. I just look at
it like everybody's trying to make some
money, everybody has to try and sell—
and negativity sells. It was tough, seeing
that a guy would sit down and talk to me
and we'd have a great talk, and then the
article would be terrible.

And you know, guys come around be-
cause they want to hang out with me and
just be around me,

over. And I wasn’t
doing my part.
PLAYBOY: What do
you mean?
IVERSON: | had to
make some chang-
es, but that didn't
mean I had to sell
out who I am—basi-
cally, I just had to
get to practice on
time. That was the
big problem. You
never could ques-
tion anything about
my basketball skills.
But Coach and my-
self, we just didn’t
communicate. We
would have a mect-
ing and we would
talk and it would
be like, "OK, all
right, cool." And
then the shit would
keep on happen-
ing. We didn't try to
understand each
other.

I knew he wanted
to win and I knew
he knew I want-
ed to win, but we
didn't try to build
that best-player-

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or they got their eye
out for whatever
being around me
can bring. It's
tough, I'd rather
just be around the
people I know love
me and I care about
and try and keep
it like that. As far
as everybody else,
wassup, wassup—
you know?
PLAYBOY: Do you
sense that a lot of
the people who
say they care about
you wouldn't if
you weren't a ball-
player?

IVERSON: That's just
real life, man. This
lifestyle is so unbe-
lievably hard. Peo-
ple think it's all
peaches and cream,
but it's not. It's not
fair when you can't
go to a restaurant
with your kids and
eat without being
bothered. It's not
right for people
to chase your car
down, trying to get

and-best-coach-
in-the-world relationship, like Magic
had with Pat Riley and Michael had with
Phil Jackson. Now 1 tell him that's the
kind of relationship I want with him
Now I look at him and I know he's the
best coach in the world. I watch things
other coaches do and I've been in wars
with this guy and this guy's taken us
from the bottom to the top. 1 know what
type of guy he is.

PLAYBOY: Growing up, did you think
you'd ever get so close to a 61-year-old
Jewish white man?

IVERSON: Aw, man, you kidding? I un-
derstand him so much now. I know who
he is and vice versa. I don't have nothing
to hide from him and he don't have

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PLAYBOY: We want to ask you about your
game. How do you do it?

IVERSON: [Pounds chest] This is all I got.
All heart

PLAYBOY: How do you not get your shot
blocked? You're barely six feet tall.
IVERSON: I know how short I am. And I
know when I go up against a guy, I have
10 put it up higher than a regular-sized
guy. But I try not to think about what I
do out there. 1 just do it, you know what
I'm saying?

PLAYBOY: After all you've been through,
do you have a tough time trusting
people?

IVERSON: It's hard, man. I don't trust too
many people. Just from experience,

an autograph.
PLAYBOY: And unlike a lot of other guys,
you don't seem that into the whole celeb-
rity thing. You don't do a lot of endorse-
ments, for example. Is it just that you'd
rather play ball, hang out vith your
friends and be left alone?

Iverson: Yeah, that's all 1 ever wanted to
do, just hang out. But that part of my Ше
has disappeared, because you see where
it's headed. A lot of times, I'll go out, and
at the end of the night somebody will be
fighting, somebody can get shot.
PLAYBOY: Is this what you meant when
you said you've learned some things
from Rah's death? That going out can
get dangerous?

IVERSON: Yeah, and I'm not even talking

PLAYBOY

about myself getting in fights, or whatev-
er. I'm talking about just being around
my peers. It's getting old, going out and
all that. I'd rather be in a room with my
teammates, playing cards. Or at home
with my wife, watching a movie. This life
is so hard, and I never knew it was going
to be. Everybody is watching every move
you make. As soon as you make that one
mistake, boom! People look at you like
you ain't even human, like you need to
be caged up or something. In actuality
it’s a mistake you've probably made a
dozen times, or someone in your family
has probably made. But you don't hear
about those people making mistakes.
You just hear about us. The media talk
so good about us, and then once they get
a chance to talk bad about us, that's
when they take those shots.

lalways think God is going to look out

for me, but I also think he's going to look
out for the people who throw dirt. I
don't wish nothing bad on anybody at
all. I ain't never been a guy to assassinate
anybody's character. How can I feel bad
about somebody doing it to me if 1 run
around doing the same thing? Га rather
die the way 1 am, like this, being true to
people. 1 don't want to go around assas-
sinating people's character, because then
I'm the media.
PLAYBOY: For your MVP press confer-
ence, you wore a black T-shirt that said
NEWPORT NEWS HOOD CHECK and listed on
the back the toughest neighborhoods
from back home. You said you wanted
the guys back there 10 see you were
thinking of them. How important is it to
you to represent your hometown’
Iverson: It's everything, man. I like pay-
ing props to where I come from. 1 ain't
going to forget where I came from. 1
dress like the people of my time. l'm a
skinny guy, so 1 like baggy clothes. And I
like Timberlands. I like jewelry. That's
what helps kids, where I'm from and
from all over the world. They see that
I'm older than them, but I'm just like
them. I come from where they come
from. I'm living proof that you can do
something positive with your life. What-
ever you want to be, anything. You want
to be a doctor? A lawyer? An athlete?
You can do anything you want to do. But
i's gonna take something. You have to
give something to get something.

People always used to tell Gary Moore,
“Man, АГ5 got it easy.” And he always
used to tell them, "Do you know that guy
has to wake up every morning and run
up and down that court for three hours?
You think that’s easy?" Yeah, I love to
play basketball, but I dont like getting
up every morning and running around
and going to this place and that place. I
mean, | don't want to do that all the
time. But 1 do have a job. My job is hard
because | have to be focused and play
as hard as I can, with the whole world

64 watching me.

PLAYBOY: That reminds us: You've been
walking around singing that Tupac Sha-
kur song, АЙ n Me.

IVERSON: Yeah, it's always like that, all
eyes on me. But I accept it and 1 know
who I am and I know God put me on
this earth to do something special and.
I'm not talking about playing basketball.
I'm going to do something special that
will help a lot of people. I want to build a
hospital. I told my mom when I was lit
Ue, that's what I wanted to do. A hospital
for my people. If not that, ГЇЇ do some-
thing to help young inner-city kids—and
that's besides the softball charity game
1 do back home. I want to do something
to help other people not as fortunate
as lam.

PLAYBOY: Yet, whenever you have done
something charitable, you've always in-
sisted it not be publicized. Why?
IVERSON: I'm not shouting, trying to
show people I do things with kids. I'd be
happy if every time 1 went to a hospital
to visit the kids, there'd be no media
there. It makes it look like the only rea-
son I'm doing this is for the media. Me
and my teammates carc about kids, sec-

I know God
put me on this
earth to do something
special—and Гт not
talking about
playing basketball.

ing sick kids who will probably never be
able to come to a ball game. But I don't
need media attention for that. 1 don't
think it’s fair to go see a sick kid and then
the kid has to look into the cameras and
have that whole circus around him.
PLAYBOY: You are always telling ki
strong.” What message are you trying to
get across to them?

Iverson: To fight, man. This life is hard,
and you just have to fight for everything.
That's what 1 did. I even got incarcerat-
ed. Then I got out of jail and kept fight-
ing. 1 was able to get back to where I
wanted to be. And I was incarcerated for
something I didn't do. I could have easi-
ly been bitter and stayed out of Hamp-
ton and never did anything for that
community. But I didn't. I was the
ger man in that situation, and ıt meant
something to me to do that. For what
y'all did to me, I'm coming right back to
the same place and I'm going to raise
some money for the boys’ and girls’
clubs. I'm going to do something for
these kids and this community, whether
you like it or not.

PLAYBOY: [Former Georgetown] Coach
John Thompson said that he never once

heard you complain about your time in
prison. By all accounts, you were a vic-
tim. How was it that you didn't act like
one. that you didn't complain?

IVERSON: Complain for what? The minis-
ter at Rah's funeral said to look at your life
as a book and stop wasting pages com
plaining, worrying and gossiping. Tha
some deep shit right there

PLAYBOY: But you knew this at 17?
IVERSON: Man, | knew how to survive,
that's it. I had a whole lot of faults, and
I did some things wrong, but I tried to
never make the same mistake twice. And
1 just tried to get better. Man, I'm hu-
man. That's what makes me feel good
about myself. I realize that I'm not any
better than you. It's hard enough, man.
There are people flying into buildings.
That right there shows you how hard it
is in this life. Them innocent people that
died. I'm not going to complain about
anything.

PLAYBOY: Where were you on the morn-
ing of September 11?

Iverson: I was in bed, in my house in
Philly. And my wife came in and said,
“1 cannot believe what just happened.”
We turned the TV on and I got up and
went, “Oh, my God." I just had this emp-
ty feeling, man. It was a bad feeling. For
something like that to happen, that
means anything can happen. All those
innocent people who woke up that
morning just like me and went to work
like any other day. for them to just die
like that? I didn’t know anybody in
there, but it hurt so bad thinking about
those people's families. After 1 seen both
buildings go down, I couldn't watch it
anymore. It was so sad, man. And now
that this has happened with my man Rah,
I really know how those families feel.
You know, because it's just like that
[snaps fingers], and you never see him
again. It’s crazy, man. I cherish life, I'm
just glad to be alive. I don't want no neg-
ative pictures painted about me, because
my kids are getting to the age where
they hear stuff like that. So I'm thrilled
about the way people look at me now. I
just wish they would have looked at me
like that all along.

It's because of the winning, but all
you have to do is listen to somebody
If you're a smart person, you can tell if
somebody is sincere. I just let my actions
do the talking. Watch me on the court.
and you tell me if that guy is good or
bad. I think you can tell who I am. I
think you can tell I'm trying to get better
as a person, that I'm trying to be better
as a person than I am as a basketball
player. Believe that. Because I want to go
to heaven. When I die, 1 want to go see
Rah, man. І know he's in heaven, and be-
fore I die I want to know that's where
I'm going. 1 don't want to have to guess.
1 want to know that's where I'm going

If you were stuck with a
guy who spent more time
dipping Creek than shooting
ducks, you’d be hot under
the collar, too!

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IT WAS EASY FOR TERRORISTS TO AVOID OFFICIAL

SCRUTINY BEFORE LAST SEPTEMBER'S ATTACKS.
IT STILL IS. AN INSIDE REPORT

I'm an Israeli Jew, an army paratrooper spite the gulf between әб 970и пос.
veteran of the 1973 Yom Kippur war and It's not complicated ea Was a сор, |
other combat. For three years in the late helped one of МФИ аүеѕ, ап Arab
Seventies-and early Eighties, | was a de- Israeli who hagia framed and was in
tective in Israel's equivalent of the FBI. serious ТА һе man and | became

Mani (his real name doesn't
matter) is an Arab, born in
Morocco іп 1975, who moved

to Germany with his family,
when һе was four. He is, '
among many other things, a *
devout Muslim. His family

and | have been good friends

for some time, and Mani:
and | trust each other de- Т,

esident bush vows to exact

punishment

lends. He-told Mani he
Could trust me—and told me
| could trust Mani. | knew
Mani was doing well enough
іп the Ruhr town of Lever-
kusen to-support his moth-
er and to set up his brother
in the restaurant business.
Beyond "entrepreneur," how-
ever, 1 was not sure how to

or evildoers

зәлім UNS BCPIDBCU, дәмнің UUBLUCES пип

describe his occupation, When | talked to
him a few weeks.after September 11, һе
told me about his latest project. He had
managed to obtain 1000 T-shirts cheap
and planned to adorn them with an image
of Osama bin Laden. He said he planned
to export the shirts to Morocco and other
Arab countries. Some of his friends in
Germany were eager to wear them, Mani
told me, but to do so would be dangerous,
for obvious reasons.

1 knew from the media that the Muslim
community in Germany—past and pres-
ent=was a major focus of the terror in-
vestigation. (See “Following the Leads,”
page 68.) I recalled that at least one of
the hijackers, Mohamed Atta, had-been-a
regular ава бут in Germany and thatshe
liked action movies, Ditto for Мап: ма
confident.;howevef_thatgMani's similari
ties to a terrorist hijacker ended there.

But why was Germany so prominent in
the unfolding terror story, | wondered.
Why had the three hijackers (and perhaps
accomplices, still at large) chosen Ger-
many as a base? Would it be difficult for
police and intelligence services to pene-

THE MAN А
(27 To WITH
UT $

THE MAGAZINE
N PLACE.
trate the terrorist underground, which,

while surely a minority, lived within a
sprawling, 3 million-strong Muslim com-

munity? What were Muslims in Germany

the president vows

thinking and doing in the wake of the
events of September 117

I decided to go to Germany to see
whether Mani could help me answer these
questions.

* o уск o ox

1 began to understand the
new and dangerous real-
ities of the place as
soon as | arrived
in Frankfurt. As
Mani and!
hurried
out =

а chemical-biological warfare protective
suit and, as if it were further incriminat-
ing evidence, a Koran.

Mani recognized the man’s name, and
he was sure many other Muslims
would as well, He was the

brother-in-law of
Metin
Kaplan,

HAMBURG

“THE IDEA WAS:
IHAT.THE

¿e PROSTITUTE .
WOULD SOMEHOW

GIVE THE

DRIVER. A

-- BLAST |
of OF THE GAS

the

airport,
German

police and
television
crews were
racing in.

Parts of the
airport were
being sealed off,
armored cars came

screaming up to the curb, sharp-
shooters were running toward spots on.
the roof. Mani's car radio reported the
basic facts: A Turkish student named
Harun Aydin had been arrested as he was
about to board a flight for Tehran. In his
luggage, according to the early reports,
were terror manuals (whatever those are).
unspecified materials that might be in-
volved in the manufacture of detonators,

a clear message: i

ONCE THEY
. WERE

ALONE IN

"HIS САВ.

Muslim ex-
tremist known as the
Caliph of Cologne.
who was in jail
for incitement
to murder. He
was, according to
the buzz in Muslim
tea shops and kabob
restaurants, a close ally
of bin Laden.

"Let's go see where he lives," Mani said.
We drove from Frankfurt to Cologne, a
trip of several hours even on the auto-
bahn. We reached a quiet residential
neighborhood where everyone we saw was
Muslim. A few women in traditional
headdress hurried along with packages,
and young men, like Mani, in fashionable
Western (text continued on page 140)

will not relent

finns

syauygw 1/6 do Gurmuvzd m ajos safaajmouysy посо 11

oon after September 11, a

steady stream of material in

American and European
newspapers pointed to
Germany. Mohamed Al-
ta, the Egyptian who
flew the plane into the
World Trade Center's
north tower, had stud-
ied since 1992 at the
Technical University in
Harburg, a suburb of
Hamburg. Marwan al-
Shehhi, from the United
Arab Emirates and pil
of the plane that hit th
south lower, and Ziad
Samir Jarrah, a Lebanese nal
who took part in
the hijacking of Da;

ESL
lcm

Abdul

Muslims in Germany: 3 million

Foreigners in Germany: 7.35 million

also studied at the university in
Harburg.

Arrest warrants were issued for
more fugitives in Germany with
connections to the Hamburg ter-
rorist cell. Some 26,000 wanted
posters went up around the coun-
try. Among the suspects sought was
Ramzi Binalshibh, who was named
in the December indictment of the
so-called 20th hijacker, Zacarias
Moussaoui. The continuing court
proceedings against Islamic radi-
cal Metin Kaplan, the “Caliph of
Cologne,” began to take on new
significance. When a German an-
titerrorism bill was discussed, a
proponent said being able to de-
port Kaplan would be a test of the
bill. And when the bill came into
effect in early December, among
the first actions were nationwide
raids on followers of the Caliphate,

including arrests and
seizures.

Slowly, other details
emerged. The “Dres-
dner Morgenpost”
snggested bin Laden
had helpers in Saxony
who were still at
large. The “Наш-
burger Abendblatt”

“said Ана had founded
an Islamic student
2 union. “The New York
Times" later reported
at German police suspected the
union served as a front for terror
meetings—

1
F

prior to the antiterror bill, reli-
gious organizations were shielded
from a legal ban on hate speech.
Italian authorities turned over
tapes of phone conversations im-
plicating figures in Munich and
Milan. Lased bin Heni, a Libyan
thought to have trained with bin
Laden in
Afghanistan,
was arrested
in front of his
Munich
apartment.
An Egyptian
doctor in
Bavaria, Adly
el-Attar, с;
under scruti-
ny as a possi-

ble link in

the investiga-

tion. Attar had a practice in Neu-
Ulm that was virtually never open,
and he spent most of his time shut-
fling back and forth to Sudan. He
is also a known associate of Mam-
douh Mahmud Salim, an alleged
financier for bin Laden who is
awaiting trial in the U.S. for his
role in the embassy bombings in
Kenya and Tanzania in 1998. Re-
ports had Alta taking a cab from a
meeting with Altar in Munich all
the way back to Hamburg in the
middle of the night—Alta paid the
$700 cab fare in cash. (Attar has
denied ever meeting any of the hi-
jackers.) Also, early last August,
Binalshibh
wired two large
money transfers
to Moussaoui
from rail sta-
tions in Ham-
burg and
Dusseldorf.
—TIMOTHY монв

94712342.

"Im here to continue my father's work."

fight announcer amy hayes is boxing’s undisputed knockout

PHOTOGRAPHY BY GEN NISHINO

my Hayes doesn’t pull any punches as the best female

ring announcer in boxing. “I remember being 17 and
working as a ring-card girl in Detroit,” she says. “I looked at the ring
announcer and thought, I want to be that. Screw carrying this card
around!” The 28-year-old athlete worked as a Hawaiian Tropic girl
and modeled for 10 years while breaking into broadcasting. “My fa-
ther did talk radio in Detroit,” she says. “When I was little, we would
pretend we were doing the nightly news together. Now I live with my
parents in Lexington, Kentucky.” The self-proclaimed new Mouth
From the South has announced fights on ESPN and Showtime. “I want
to be the first woman to announce a major title fight,” she says. Her fa-
vorite boxer is Shane Mosley, but the person she’d like to KO is an-
nouncer Michael Buffer. “One time before a fight he threatened to
walk if I went out there,” she says. “I know he’s the best, and I was
nervous. I think һе felt the heat, knowing that a young woman could
actually go up there and carry off the announcing duties without it be-
ing a joke.” Although Amy’s career is gearing up with new radio proj-
ects, sportswriting and her 2002 calendar, moving to Lexington has
helped her get back to her roots. “Basketball is like religion here," she
says. "I'm dating a former University of Kentucky basketball player
and we're a great match—we play hoops all the time. If he gets serious
on me, he has to buy me a horse. I have dogs and cats, and I've per-
suaded my dad to let me get a goat. I'll name him Cassius Clay.”

BOX кти

micro,

rro

"ДУЗ BA
Po a Шы.

Six New York City firefighters popped in to see Amy pose for this
photo session at Gleason’s Gym in Brooklyn. Three of them died
doing rescue work on September 11. “I'm auctioning my ward-
robe from this shoot to benefit their families," she says.

In one regard, at least, I'm
probably a lot like you: I'm usually happy to come across
photos of beautiful, naked lesbians. On this particular
evening, however, while surfing the web, beautiful, naked
lesbians are a distraction. Now, | have a lot in common
with lesbians, For instance, we both really like to have sex
with women. | have a good idea what lesbians like to do
and why, because | like it, too. Sometimes I’m not in ће
mood to eat ice cream, or to be nice to strangers, but! can
usually make time for beautiful, naked lesbians.

But tonight—and this is unusual for my web use—I'm
not scouting for porn. I'm looking for a beautiful, smart,
heterosexual woman who is single, lives in or at least near
New York, and might want to date me. Last spring, my
good friend Sean, a tall, exuberant songwriter, joined two
online dating services. He regularly went on three dates a
day, scheduling them like errands or job interviews, while
1 mocked him for his desperate antics. Then | saw the girl-
friend he'd met online, a rosy young opera singer who
looks like an ingenue from a Chekhov story. Suddenly,
desperation didn’t seem so awtul.

And in a way, | am desperate. In а few months I'll turn
40, and though | haven't lost any hair or gained any
weight, and strangers often think I'm at least 10 years
younger, the change in age is a problem. Women look at
bachelors over 40 the way men regard nuns: lost causes.
(va kad [ong relotionihips, ces long asifu- and a half
years. I've had short relationships, as short as, well, one
night. But I'm still single and still trying to find someone
to love.

In New York, where three out of every four people are
single, that should be as easy as hailing a cab. According
ta the latest census, there are 113.7 women to every 100
men in New York. And when you factor in a dispropor-
tionate number of gay men, there are likely five straight
women for every four straight men. This is the greatest
North American city to live in if you like beautiful, smart,
stylish women whose breasts aren't elevated by silicone, a

Interne Dating-com

AA АУ АЛУ ARI
; eee ee

PLAYBOY

distinction that rules out LA and Miami.

Yeı, for New Yorkers, relationships
lag in priority behind work, exercise,
shopping, reading the newspaper and
learning Swedish. A local dermatolo-
gist recently spent $3000 on a maga-
zine ad to search for a wife and offered
a $200,000 bounty for the right match.
Though he was reportedly deluged
with offers, he remains single, maybe
because he still lives with his 91-year-
old mom. Ifa rich doctor can't hook
up, what are my odds?

My search begins at Love on the Web
(loveontheweb.net), which, thanks to
loose standards, is one of the few sites
where you can see nude pictures for
free. Alter a few visits, I notice a puz-
zling disparity: The straight women
are plain, and the lesbians are gor-
geous. In my experience, lesbians usu-
ally look like the Indigo Girls. So I'm
suspicious, not only of the photos but
also of the bios posted by Gabriela (fu-
ture plans: “eat pussy the rest of my
life"), Sweetlove (the first thing people
notice about her: “my sweet ass”) and
Monique71 ("I love to be raped"). Wom-
еп don't talk like this—not even les-
bians. The only people who talk like
this are men who go online pretending
to be lesbians to solicit nude photos of
other lesbians, who may or may not al-
so be guys. І suspect that many of the
Love on the Web ads are frauds. And
yet, 1 still write to Tori, a bisexual secu-
rities analyst who loves to give head
and posts two close-up photos of her
sweet ass. Until she writes back, I won't
believe she exists.

When discouragement visits, I usual-
ly call a friend for consolation. Well,
first 1 drink a large glass of bourbon,
then I call a friend. In this case, 1
phone Sean, who'd prospered online.
He advises me to persevere and says he
got responses from only about 10 per-
cent of the 140 women he contacted.
The ratio seems pitifully low, and I'm
confident my percentage will be high-
er. He also advises skepticism. "Read
the ads carefully, especially how they
describe their body type. Anything oth-
er than ‘thin’ is a warning. ‘Athleti
means ‘fat’ ‘Shapely’ means "fat If
they don’t mention an age, they're 45.”

So I sign up for JDate (jdate.com), a
Jewish singles network founded in
1997 that claims 200,000 members. As
I submit a photo to run alongside my
bio, I decide to distinguish myself with
sarcasm:

ME: Age—39 but looks 29. Freelance
writer, which is not a euphemism for
“unemployed” or “indigent,” thanks,
Ivy League grad (one of the eight real
Ivys, not a fake one). A medically certi-
fied 510”. Fit (my best time for a half
marathon is 1:42:02). Things I like
more than most people do: running,

reading, blue cheese, any record by
Brian Eno, tennis, my friends. Things 1
like less than most people do: Friends,
Seinfeld, or nearly any other TV sitcom,
inarticulateness, littering and pleat-
ed pants.

you: Sherilyn Fenn with a master'sin
semiotics. Failing that: funny, patient,
Kind, smart, beautiful, sexy, adventur-
ous and active, but not meek or pas-
sive—docility is for dogs, not women.

1 search the JDate database, enter
the age range I prefer and a few other
parameters, and for the next few hours
browse 500 bios. I don't like patchouli,
yoga or people who tape Oprah, so I de-
vise a few rules. (1) Anyone who uses
the term soul mate is disqualified. (2)
Anyone who posts a photo with her cat
is disqualified. (3) Anyone who uses the
word spirituality in a positive way is
disqualified. Out of 500 I find 15 who
are gorgeous and don't seem inappro-
priately fond of cats. Taking Sean's ad-
vice to keep the introductory e-m;
brief, 1 send each a note that begins, “I
found your bio intriguing," and try to
elicit a response

Two hours later, I get a form rejec-
tion note from Abby (at various times, 1
do or do not change identifying details
about women, depending entirely on
whether or not they pissed me off), a
30-year-old jewelry designer who looks
like Christy Turlington: “I read your
profile, and I don't think we'd make a
good fit.” My consolation: She likes
New Age music, which is the musical
version of the term soul mate. A week
later, none of the original 15 has writ-
ten back. This calls for more bourbon.

To increase my odds, I sign up for
two more websites: Match.com (match.
com), where “you can date, relate and
find your soul mate among the web's
largest community of discriminat-
ing, eligible singles,” and Matchmaker
(matchmaker.com), “the most enter-
taining place to meet new people.” I
don't vant a soul mate. I don't want en-
tertainment. I just want someone to an-
swer my goddamn c-mail.

Earlier this year, Match.com claimed
to be registering nearly 11,000 new
members every day. Online dating,
which was estimated as a billion-dollar
business in 1998, is projected to gross
$1.5 billion by 2003. But the singles
bar paradigm still applies: The men
outnumber the women, constituting
anywhere from 51 percent to 70 per-
cent of memberships, depending on
which study you believe. (One survey
also showed that 63 percent of users
have sex with someone they met on-
percent lie about their age,
marital status or appearance and three
percent marry.) So most women sit on
а metaphorical bar stool, waiting and
choosing the best candidates. For ex-

ample: In her bio, a Match member
who mentions she’s a part-time model
says she gets up to 100 e-mails a day.

ach site has a different design
Matchmaker is harder to navigate than
Match, where each ad has a short head-
line. A few catch my eye: YES. ALL OF MY
BODY PARTS ARE REAL, TRIPLEX GIRL (“Х-
citing, X-quisite and X-otic,” it turns
out), BIKINI WAX ANYONE? and IDRIVE-
TOPLESS, who owns a convertible and
does look cute, though in one photo
she was nuzzling two cats.

Some people post photos, others
don't, but each writes a bio that strives
to demonstrate intelligence and wit
and uniqueness, though everyone ends
up sounding blandly identical, a vague
synthesis of opposites: “I like the city
and the country, Republicans and Dem-
ocrats, vanilla and chocolate.” I read
the cheery phrase “I love to laugh” so
many times, it makes me want to stran-
gle a kitten

But there are a few people
distinguish their bios with obnoxious
candor. “Do you belong to any organi-
zations, clubs, teams or special interest
groups?” asks the Matchmaker ques-
tionnaire, to which one spendthrift an-
swers Bloomingdale's. “You'll need a
strong family upbringing, integrity and
financial wealth, too rishka writes
bluntly. "Extra points if you have a con-
vertible (or chauffeur) for road-trip-
ping.” A thin, elegant singer on the site
wants to find a lawyer, doctor or musi-
cian who is tall and has a full head of
hair and a great body. “However, if you
are totally horrific-looking yet are in-
sanely nice, fun, friendly and super-
rich, we'll see what can develop.” Read-
ing bios is like stealing people s diaries.
1 can spend hours browsing them.

“I am very picky about the men I
date," warns Emerald. "You need to be
able to change a lightbulb, hang a pic-
ture and be handy around the house.
I shouldn't have to teach you every-
thing.” She doesn't want a boyfriend,
she wants a contractor. Thank God she
didn't write me back. Others are quite
specific: “Must have good teeth and
wear decent shoes. Must know who the
Smiths and the Cure are.” Also: “No
liars, cheaters, short or bald men. No
on-call doctors. Someone who owns
matching sheets, someone I don’t have
to support." And an actress says this
about her ideal date: “For starters, Га
like the man in my life to be straight. If
you've spent much time with actresses,
you know that request is not as ridicu-
lous as it might seem." Finally, a stan-
dard 1 can live up to.

One Monday morning, I find five
messages in my Matchmaker mailbox,
each from an older woman. “You truly
are adorable. I'm probably too old for

(continued on page 159)

“I had over 1000 hits last month and I don't even have a website.”

b
LIFE
FashiB) Q^ H DE ACBT
E

elive ina sports-
crazed world. If
you're the type
of person who
likes to drop out
Е with a snowboard
d to your feet, you damn

lle to know about

iletic cloth-

jew aesthetic

iure, workout

plenty flexi-

of motion. But

"hanging out as it

m a cliff. Com-

are the new

standards for everyday settings.

And when it comes to breaking

a sweat, athletic clothing is cru-

cial—like in that pick-up joint

called a gym. So clean out your
locker and get ready to rock.

Edifice Rex. Far left: Ed
scsles the face in a yellow
shin and stretch pants by
Under Armour with mois-
ture-wicking action snd pro-
tection from tough surfaces.

Offering Nico a helping hand Is
Ivan. He's wesring an orange
stretch shirt by Fila and nylon
shorts by Pearl Izumi. Over his
shoulder is a bsg by Yak Pak.
(Nico's top by Fila.)

Keith keeps his cool in the face of
adversity in shorts by Nike and a
cycling shirt by Pearl Izumi. Pearl
Izumi prides itself on its research,
which yields innovative fsbrics
and performance-tested cuts.

In green is Damien. His cot-
ton T-shirt is by Diesel and
his nylon track pants by Fils.
Can you smell what the rock
face Is cooking? Not in to-
day's sports clothing.

Above: Chad hangs out ina
pair of csrgo pants by Union-
bay and blue long-sleeve shirt
by Under Armour. Under Ar-
mour is what pro plsyers wear
benesth their uniforms.

PHOTOGRAPHY BY JOE OPPEDISANO
4. PRODUCED BY JOE DOLCE

When the arms race heats
up, make sure to stay cool in

by Enyce and watch by Mi-
chele Watches. Chad is in a
striped button-down shirt by

Quiksilver and watch by
Michele Watches.

Great boxers rule the

5
©
264
201
La]
5

Opposite page: Heavy metal
rules. But these days it's not
about getting jacked to Ozzy.
It's about getting ripped by

working with weights. Chad,

left, gets a full range of mo- =
tion in a microfiber vestby 2% 7

Paul and Shark and a pair of
cotton sweats by Everlast.
Keith wears a mesh tank and
shorts by Kik Wear.

This page, left'to right: |
Damien wears а sweatshirt by
Ralph Lauren, T-shirt by Nike,

side-zip pants by Fila, sneak-
ers by Кік Wear and watch by
Michele Watches. Keith is in a
‘sweatshirt by Diesel, T-shirt
by Enyce, jersey shorts by +
Reebok, sneakers by Fila and
watch by Michele Watches.
Edward is in a sweatshirt by
Triple Five Soul, shorts by Un-
der Armour and Air Jordan t
Retro sneakers by Nike.

WHERE AND НОМ TD BUY ОК PAGE 154,

“|

в RO "NT 5

THE TROUBLE WITH

REHAB

ARTICLE BY
CHRISTOPHER NOXON

whether you're a hollywood star or a hard-core
junkie, treatment programs don't always work.
here's why

hen he got out of rehab for the seventh time, Bob
\ X ] Forrest felt beaten down, talked out and uncertain

about how to find his way back to a normal life.
Front man of the LA alternative band Thelonious Monster,
Forrest had been an addici since high school, interrupting
furious binges of booze, coke and heroin with layovers in
all manner of residential treatment programs, from cushy
retreats to court-ordered lockups.

But even the best rehab RCA could buy didn't slow down
Forrest. Four days into one pit stop, he waltzed out a side
door and hit the streets. Soon, he found himself in the back
of a cab heading down Sunset Boulevard, a plump mound
of brown Persian heroin folded into a magazine on his lap.
He remembers rolling ор с dollar bill in the dull flicker of
passing streetlights, crouched down in his seat, snorting as
much powder as his nostrils would hold.

With his system relatively clean after a year of sporad-
ic sobriety, Forrest overdosed. When he slumped over un-
conscious, the taxi driver pulled over, dragged him into
the gutter and peeled away. The next thing Forrest remem-
bers, he was surrounded by a group of friends and drug
counselors in the harsh light of the Cedars-Sinai emer-
gency room.

When he realized where he was, Forrest "flipped out.”
After hopping off a gurney and screaming that he wouldn't
go back to rehab, he retreated to a bathroom, rummaged
through his belongings and found his packet of heroin
stashed in a shirt pocket. As a counselor pounded on the
bathroom stall, Forrest took a few deep sniffs. Again he
overdosed.

For some addicts, overdosing twice in one night might
signal rock botiom—the low point you claw your way out
from one day at a time. But Forrest continued to use,
bouncing in and out of rehabs, detoxes, jail cells and a
state mental word. When he finally got clean, in 1996—on
his own, with help from sober friends and a neighborhood
12-step program—Forrest had rocked up 35 visits to rehab
centers.

From hard-core junkies like Forrest to high-profile recidi-
vists Robert Downey Jr., Darryl Strawberry, Matthew Perry
and Aaron Sorkin, rehab has not proved to be the cleans-
ing fresh start that their loved ones, employers and publi-
cists had hoped for. Again and again, addicts emerging
from intensive, costly antidrug programs waste little time
before making their way back to the bottle, needle or pipe.

At the same time, rehabilitation has never been more
popular. Hardly a month goes by without news of another

ILLUSTRATION BY SHANNYN RIVERA

THE RELAPSE HALL OF FAME: ROBERT
DOWNEY JR. (TOP), ANDY DICK (MIDDLE)
"AND DARRYL STRAWBERRY. ALL THREE ARE
LIVING PROOF THAT FOR SOME PEOPLE, -
REHABILITATION DOESN'T WORK.

strung-out rocker or a hard-pariying
star ducking into treatment after an
embarrassing flameout or encounter
with the cops. Last summer saw the in-
take of actor Ben Affleck, headbang-
er James Hetfield, comedian Paula
Poundstone and singer Mariah Carey
(though her publicists insist that drugs
were not a factor in her plate-smash-
ing meltdown). The stigma once os-
saciated with residential treatment is
long gone—a 28-day hiatus at Prom-
ises Malibu or the Betty Ford Center is
on almost mandatory pause in the as-
cent to stardom

Celebrities aren't alone in reflexive-
ly looking to rehab to mop up the
messes of addiction. Mokers of public
palicy look io treatment as a better
way to fight the drug war. In Califor-
nia, a ballot initictive has mandated
that courts direct nonviolent drug of-
fenders to treatment instead of jail.
And in New York, drug laws are being
rewritten to ease mandatory sen-
tences and allow judges more leeway
in sending addicts to rehab.

While rehab hos saved numerous
lives, for a significant percent of ad-
dicts it simply doesn't work—rarely on
the first go-around, and often not on
the first five or six.

"The cycle seems to be: You do a lit-
tle rehab, you go back to work, the re-
hab didn't take, so you go back to
drugs, you do a little more rehab,"
says Bruce Porter, author of Blow,
which chronicles the rise and foll of
the smuggler who brought coke to
Hollywood. "So far, no one hos asked
the obvious question: Why isn't re-
hab working?"

Depending on who you ask, relapse
rates for people who enter residential
treatment programs range from 60 to
90 percent. So-called success rates
are slippery to calculate because of
the difficulties in defining success.
How do you account for the many ad-
dicts who bolt midway through the
treatment? What about the alcoholic
who downs o single martini a year lat-
er? Or the junkie who now drinks so-
cially? Official data, however, points
in the same direction. A 1994 study
for the Office of National Drug Con-
trol Policy concluded that 87 percent
of heavy cocaine users relapse after
treatment. The numbers are similar
for heroin. And an authoritative 1994
study known as the California Drug
and Alcohol Treatment Assessment
found that while addicts who went
through treatment were less likely to
commit crimes or end up in the hospi-
tal, most continued to get high—three
out of four junkies still shot up after
rehab and two of three alcoholics kept
drinking.

Defenders of rehab say success can-

not be judged by relapse alone. They
point to research like a 1997 Nation-
al Treatment Improvement Evaluation
Study that concluded addicts con-
sumed between 45 and 55 percent
less cocaine, crack or pot a year after
their trips to rehab. Sure, they con-
cede, most addicts continue to get load-
ed after rehab—but at least they get
somewhat less loaded.

That's cold comfort to those who
preach a gospel of total sobriety. Jack
Bernstein, president and chief execu-
tive officer of the Cri-Help Treatment
Center in Los Angeles, says the high
rates of relapse frustrate zero-toler-
ance drug counselors. The problem, of
course, is that no one has come up
with anything better. “Thirty years
from now, people will look back at
how drug addicts were treated and
they'll be appalled,” Bernstein says.
"They'll look back, scratch their heads
and say what a bunch of idiots we
were.”

While some claim miraculous re-
sults from one-on-one psychotherapy,
experimental anticraving drugs or al-
ternative medicines like the root of the
Chinese kudzu, there are no data to
suggest that any particular treatment
works better than another. About the
only fact everyone seems to agree on
is that the longer you devote to treat-
ment—it doesn't appear to matter
which kind—the better your chances
are of recovery. And for those with the
most-serious problems, the standard
28-day course of rehab, which is cov-
ered by most insurance policies, is a
joke. Treatment officials say three
months is the minimum, with many ad-
dicts needing a yeor or more to kick
their habits.

"Everybody's assumption is that we
ought to just send these peaple into
rehab to focus on their drug problem,”
says Dr. Lonny Shovelson, a writer and
emergency room physician who spent
two years following addicts through
the byzantine Son Francisco rehab
system for his book Hooked: Five Ad-
dicts Challenge Our Misguided Drug
Rehab System. “But before we shift
hundreds of thousonds of additional
addicts into rehab, we better treat the
treatment system.”

Critics say the most common form
of residential treatment—typically a
month of intensive 12-step meetings
and talk therapy in a highly struc-
tured, often militaristic setting, with
lapses in abstinence met with imme-
diote expulsion—sets up many users
for failure. Others point to the number
of people whose underlying psychi-
atric disorders, histories of childhood
abuse or problems with housing and

(continued on page 152)

“Just one last touch!”

miss march comes in like a lamb, but parties like a lion

ч # A Tina Дон Сана
girl with a serious need for speed. "I grew up in the Los An-
geles area and can't imagine living anywhere else,” she says.
"I have six sisters and two brothers and we were a his, hers
and ours family—very Brady Bunch. 1 can be soft, sweet and
personable when you meet me, but I have an edgy side, too.
I like to go out at night and have serious fun!"

The 29-year-old thrill seeker started her career at a mod-
est pace. "I went to college, business school and cosmetol-
ogy school,” she tells us. “I tried many different jobs and
just wasn't happy. 1 was a loan processor—boring!—for two
years and met Hef when I was going to get my real estate li-
cense.” The two hit it off at LA's Garden of Eden and Tina
eventually moved into the Mansion. “Hef just wants to have
a good time and be happy,” she says. "He's a warm and gen-
erous person—a family man—who cares a great deal about

me and my three-year-old daughter. My 16-year-old brother
thinks I'm so cool now because he got to meet Fred Durst at
Hef's birthday party.” Tina also goes ape for another long-
time Mansion resident. "My favorite animal is Terry, the 30-
year-old woolly monkey," she says. "She's the oldest one in
captivity, and she doesn't usually like blondes, but she seems
to like me just fine.” Tina also enjoys going with Hef to Las
Vegas. “One time 1 snuck out and went gambling—I love
21—and he got so mad at me,” she says, giggling. "When
we got home he made me watch the movie Lost in America,
which is about a woman who sneaks out, goes gambling and

all her money.” Tina is most interested in modeling
and acting. “I took drama classes in college and have mod-
eled for calendars and editorial projects,” she says. "My pas-
sion is modeling, but 1 like using my brain and don't want
it to go to waste. Beauty fades, but dumb is forever. Right

PHOTOGRAPHY BY STEPHEN WAYDA
CENTERFOLD PHOTOGRAPHY BY ARNY FREYTAG

E A

^l like being fost and furious, not slaw and curious,” Tino says. "I crave adventure and have always
wanted ta drive a race car. I never thought I'd get to ga ta a racetrack and be in the middle af it all
l used to toke my Wave Runner out to the Іске ond go really fast, do 360s ond spray people. Now
I'm ready to go that fast an land! I'm o show-off—the other Playmates call me Ms. Hot Rod.”

now, I'm learning about in-
vesting—stocks, bonds and
dividends.” This smart cookie
keeps her body beautiful with
Tae Bo and kickboxing. “Every
ex-boyfriend I have is still my
friend and would want to date
me again," she says. “I'm very
loyal and give everything my
best. My guideline in life is to
follow your heart. I'm a posi-
tive thinker and try to be an
outgoing and sharing person
When I first talk with people,
they end up feeling connect-
ed to me even though they
don't know that much about
my life. They are surprised to
find out that I was born and
raised in LA. because I'm not
two-faced. I'm all about being
real and having no regrets.”

ше”
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PLAYMATE DATA SHEET

МАМЕ:

sus: HDD. WAIST: ay _ mo 34
1
suom. 2,5 WEIGHT: 15

BIRTH DATE Qus al 1978. BIRTHPLACE М tollywood CL. —

AMBITIONS: TO bit my Шор sith nu ht
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TURN-ONS: /

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IF 1 HAD MORE TIME, 1 WOULD:
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MY FAVORITE o» шом - TAL. Lift, % of CAS,
tht mio d burma меу! 00

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PEOPLE I REALLY ADMIRE:

ML oF Rosie
79034 98.0.15 Rrom-

PLAYBOY’S PARTY JOKES

The cardinal was doing a crossword puzzle.
He asked his assistant, "Can you think of a fou
letter word for woman that ends in u-n-t?"
‘The assistant replied, “Aunt.”
The cardinal said, “Of course. What was I
thinking? Do you have an eraser?

Where does
Ugly sheep.

gin wool come from?

How do you spot the blind man at a nudist
colony?
It isn't hard.

Why are cowgirls bowlegged?
Because cowboys eat with thei

hats on.

How can you piss off your wife while you are
making love?
Call her from your cell phone.

А lonely man went into the local pet store
looking for an unusual pet as a companion.
The store owner suggested a centipede. "What
sort of a companion would a centipede be?”
the man asked

“This is a most unusual centipede,” the store
owner said. "He's a great conversationalist and
he loves to drink."

The man took the centipede home and put
him in a box on the windowsill. That evening
the man asked, “Would you like to go out for a
beer?

Receiving no response, the man said, “How
about it, would you like to join me for a drink
at my favorite bar?”

Again there was no response, so the man fair-
ly shouted, "Hey, in there! How about going
out for a drink?”

To which a tiny voice replied,
the first time. I'm putting on my

"I heard you
hoes."

Have you heard about the Dyke, a new run-
ning shoe for lesbians?

Tt has an extra-long tongue and takes only
one finger to get off.

What is the difference between a lover, a pros-
titute and a wile?

A lover says, “Dear, are you done?”

A prostitute looks at her watch
“You're done.”

A wile say
ing beige.”

nd say;

Beige. 1 think I'll paint the cei

Why are gypsies зо careful when they're mak-
ing love?
"They have crystal balls.

Why did the hard-of-hearing chief of police
order the SWAT team to surround the depart-
ment store?

1 that they had Summer Bed 1

еп

ng night, a bride demanded
that her husband give her $20 for their first
sexual encounter. In his highly aroused state,
he readily agreed. For the next 30 years, she
demanded $20 every time they made love.
Her husband always agreed, thinking it was
her clever way to buy new clothes. One day,
she returned home and found her husband
greatly distraught. "I've been fired,” he said. “1
have no money. We'll probably wind up in the
poorhouse."

"Not likely," she said. "The office building
where you worked belongs to you. And the
apartment bi ng across the street is yours,
too. Every month, I took the money you gave
me for sex and invested it."

Whereupon the husband became even more
upset and began beating his head against the
wall. "Whar's wrong?" she asked. "I thought
you'd be pleased."

“IF1 had known that's what you were do-
ing,” he said, “I would have given you all of my
busines:

А man went to a therapist and said, “Please,
you have to help me. Every night my wife goes
to Larry's Bar to pick up men. What should
Ido?"

“Just relax," his therapist said, "take a deep
breath and tell me where Larry's Bar is."

Stew seen aran LACONVENIENCE STORE: С
Shirt, No Service. Girls: No Shirt, No

> А емее

А. angel appeared аға university faculty meet-

ing and told the dean that in return for hi

emplary behavior, the Lord would reward him

with his choice of infinite wealth, wisdom or

beauty. Without hes the dean selected

infinite wisdom. “Done,” the angel said, then
appeared.

The other faculty members looked at the
dean, who was surrounded by a h
One colleague said, "Say something wis

The dean sighed and said, "I should have
taken the money."

Send your jokes on postcards lo Party Jokes Editor,
vLavuov, 680 North Lake Shore Drive, Chicago,
Illinois 60611, or by e-mail to jokes@playboy.com
$100 will be paid to the contributor whose submis-
ston is selected. Sorry, jokes cannot be returned.

“You remember the minuet? I don't even remember the men I laid.”

103

104

T EIE

women keep leaving 10d the pod.
one day he decides he doesn’t cate.
what а tuin-on

FICTION BY GARY 5. KADET

T HIS DESK, the LAN terminal

switched on, Rod the Pod

РогсеШап put his eyes to his

palms and promptly switched

off. He was the acclaimed

sales wonk for all the dying
dotcoms of Miltown, forever possessed
ofa childhood-derived nickname taken
straight from Invasion of the Body Snatch-
ers. He had made it safely to work at
Netwonks, a scrambling, ever-mutat-
ing Internet company that had yet to
find a niche amid a multitude of mar-
kets. He was suffering the effects of a
long night out at a snappy, well-writ-
ten-up and suspiciously forgiving lit-
tle retro joint aptly named the Bolt
“т” Screw, downtown in old industrial
Coketown. Why he wound up there
was because of a midair breakup with a
gorgeous model.

Rod had spent all of last night toss-
ing them down with the very best
¡end money and free drinks could
buy on short notice: Roger Ramjet
Ourabouros.

He had been tossing them down
hard and fast, just as he had been
tossed down.

His head ached with remembered
resonance:

“You're not dying, buddy!” Roger
remonstrated. "You're living!”

“I be dog!” said Rod in agreement.

Chubby, hale, Armani-suited Roger
was the guy from his company who'd
strip dying dotcoms bare and sell off
bits of carcass before they had expired:
the servers, the software, any remnant

joked in badly

product, lists of addresses—both e-mail
and snail—all for pennies on the dollar.
Roger had found his calling, that of
professional vulture, which was more
than Rod the Pod could say about him-
self at the moment,

Standard story:

She was irrevocably gone. His girl-
friend, his fiancée, his intended, his——

Oh, yes.

“Your significant mother,” Roger
had said. Cute.

Cheers.

Yes, yes, another round, of course—
over here!

Now they were playing As Time
Goes By

“Stop waving at me, you fucking id-
iot!” thought Rod, calling out to mem-
ory, which called back all the louder.

‘The drunken fog that Rod had yet to
totally lose himself in rippled with visi-
ble aggression like a traffic accident
seen through car exhaust on a swelter-
ing summer's day. He made for the
preserved vintage Rock-Ola jukebox
squatting in the corner with all its
quaintly dizzying lights.

No big deal

The loss of his latest and greatest
girlfriend ever, а knockout runway mod-
el, a catalog favorite who had changed
her name to Minot (pronounced
“Me?-no!”) from the more wholesome
and bouncy—and Rod remembered
her as being particularly wholesome as
well as bouncy in bed —Holly Hominy.

“Homina Hominy!” Roger once
(continued on page 134)

COLLAGE BY WINSTON SMITH

ONLINE VIDEO GAMES ARE ARMED

BY WILL O’NEAL
| Us 3:43 дм. and you, a gnome and a

troll are trapped in a cave with a couple
of nasty stone giants. No, this isn't the

setup for a good joke: It's just you, trying to
tear yourself away from a game you swore
you'd play for only an hour—and that was
sometime yesterday. Like us, youre one of
countless people caught up in massively
multiplayer online role-playing games. Ever-
Quest, the most popular, is so addictive fans
heve dubbed it EverCrack. How many are
hooked? The game's current active player
population is about 400,000, and all of
those players can interact simultaneously.
Online worlds such as EverQuest and Anar-
chy Online don't stop when you turn off your
PC. Described as persistent worlds. their
environments are in a constant state of flux,
so the game you left last night will be differ-
ent when you rejoin it in the morning

These aren't the only games eating up
bandwidth. The newest shooters ensure
that college students have something other
than porn and MP3s occupying space on
their schools’ servers. Team-based shooters
are the latest trend, and Half-Life: Counter-
Strike and Tribes 2 are the most popular.
Pacifists can play EA's racing title Motor City
Online or the companys Sims series (an on-
line game in which players build a character
and live in a city filled with other players)

So what's next? Would-be Jedis are antic-
ipating the launch later this year nf Lucas
Arts' Star Wars Galaxies, the first such
game based on the film series. Expect this
game to be huge. For the past year, fans
have been piling on message boards to reg-
ister inane comments, suggestions and crit-
icism, such as "Why can't | be a Jawa?" and
"Will | be able to kill Darth Vader?"

Following are six gemes tn get you start-
ed in online video games, whether your thrill
is slaying necromancers, squashing terror-

ists or cruising that muscle car you've al
ways wanted,

EVERGUEST The EverQuest environment.
encompasses five continents and a newly
discovered moon {courtesy of the recently
released Shadows of Luclin expansion pack)
Build a character from 13 races (such as
dwarfs and ogres) and 14 classes (wizards.
rogues, etc.), then join parties of other play-
ers and begin exploring. Because the world
exists on the developer's servers, it can be
altered at any point (say, to open a new cave
or dungeon), ensuring that the game re-
mains endless. So that your new wizard
doesnt get pushed around, we suggest you
avoid player combat until you get your spells
straight. (Sony, $30. plus $10 monthly fee)

HALF-LIFE: CDUNTER-STRIKE: The odds of
surviving your first round of Half-Life
Counter-Strike are slim, but once you gun
down an opponent. with one of the game's
many real-world weapons, you'll be hooked
Created as an update for 1999's epic shoot-
er Half-Life, the game consistently has up:
wards of 10,000 servers running it. To дес
inon the action, log on and choose a side, as
a terrorist or a counterterrorist. The game
includes voice-chat, making it easier to let
your teammates know where the action is.
Its a feature you'll be thankful for when
you're pinned under enemy fire. (Sierra, $30)
ANARCHY ONLINE: With more than 75,000
players logged on after its first few months,
this game is an obvious hit. Similar in format.
to EverQuest, Anarchy Online is a science
fiction-based game that takes place some
30,000 years in the future. Create a char-
acter by picking a profession and a breed
(bivengineered from human stock) and then
enlist to either help defeat or defend Om
ni-tek, a corporation that has taken over
planet Rubi-Ka. After you build a character,
trick it out with some of the thousands of ar-

AND DANGEROUS

ticles of armor, body implants and weapons:
(Funcom, $30, plus $13 monthly fee)
ASHERON'S CALL DARK MAJESTY. Realiz
ing that an early death isn't fun for anyone,
especially newbies, the developers of Dark
Majesty (the third chapter in the Asheron's
Call series) let new players enter the game
under the protection of the almighty Ash:
eron. That means you won't be forced to
fend for your pathetic life until youre ready.
While other role-playing games have you
roam aimlessly, in Dark Majesty you'll have
the luxury of a house from which to embark
on your quests. Kick enough medieval ass
and you can eventually upgrade to a castle.
(Microsoft, $20, plus $10 monthly fee)
MOTOR CITY ONLINE: If you've ever wanted
to drag for pinks but are frightened by the
idea of losing your real wheels, this is the
ticket. The game's developers describe it as
ап “online racing and hot-rod community’ in
which drivers compete in EO licensed vehi
cles from the Thirties through the Seven-
ties. Gearheads will enjoy the game's car
culture and the ability to build and upgrade
their rides with some of the games 2000
parts. Once your car is ready, run it against.
other players on one of the game's 24 tracks
for cash or, if you're ready, pink slips. (ЕА
Games. $40. plus $10 monthly fee)

TRIBES 2. Odds are good that you won't last
five minutes in your first match of Tribes 2.
With battles that can include up to 64 play-
ers at a time, Tribes offers some of the
most frenetic action of any online shooter.
The plot? Kill or be killed. Assemble a bend
of bloodthirsty players and destroy your ri-
vals with weapons such as the Shock Lance
and Electron Flux Gun and vehicles like the
Thundersword Bomber. If you're a newbie
sign on with a decent team. If you stay alive,
it shouldn't take you long to get; the hang of
“skying" over hillsides and downing jet-packed
opponents. (Sierra, $45)

ALIENWARE COMPOTER: In oolioo shooter gnmos soch as Coonter-Strike,
nslow computer із tantamonot to wearing a target on your hack. Roplaco
your pokey PC with a machioo (left) from Aliooware, а Minmi-hasod com-
pany that solls computers directly from its wohsite. Wa like tho Area-51
pnckago (ahoot $3000, including keyheard, mooso, sponkers nnd n fiat-
screon monitor net pictered), n 2.0 GHz Pontium machino with 512 MO
RAM. The system's пива GoForco 3 Ti 500 vidoo card onsores that graph-
ics run smoothly, nod tho ScondHinstor Audigy 5.1 souod card provi
surround souod. Tho packago comos with Microsoft Windows XP
stallod and is wmilahlo io 0100 colors, i ling cyhorg greon Ipictered).

LCD MONITOR: Yoo'll got n hottor head on onomios with your soipor riflo
if you watch thom on n hig-screoo monitor. Samsung's SyncMnster 2107
(right, ahout $4000) is a 21" LCO monitor with 1600x1200 resolntion. It
includos connoctions for S-vidoo and composito vidoo nnd can docodo TV
signals for watchiog "The Simpsoos” or tho hig gamo hotwoon houts of
Trihos 2. If yoo can’t docido which te do, oso tho remote te nccoss tho
picture-in-picture feature.

WIRELESS MOHSE ANH KEYOOARO: А foll night of Evortl juro te loawo your dosk littered with ompty ooorgy-drink caos, potate-chip hngs
and work (remomhor thnt?). Yoo don't nood cords ig to tho moss. Sot op yoor system mith tho Logitech Cordloss Freodom Optical key-
heard nnd mouso (holow left, $100). Hoth oporate io a six-foet raogo and areo't affected hy cordloss phooos or ethor opplinncos. Tho keyboard
has ono-tuoch huttons thnt instantly laonch your woh hrewser, nccoss your fovoritu wohsite nnd fost-forwnrd OUDs.

WIRELESS CONTROLLER: It'll do yoo good te got np and walk nrennd a hit during thoso nll-day sossioas of Trihos 2. Yon won't got far with tho
cord oo n regolar controllor, so onhook yoursoif with Logitoch’s WingMan Cordioss Rumblegnd (holow middlo, $50). It osos 2.4 GHz fraquon-
cy (as do tuday's cordioss phonos) to givo you 20 foet of froodom. Thnt will onahlo you to get anothor smoke withont having te put боша yoor
guns. Connoct tho RF recoivar te thu USB port on yonr PC and stick four АА hattorios in tho дато pad—eoough for nhoat 50 hoars of ріпу.

SPEAKER SYSTEM: Altoc Lansing's 4100 digital spoakor set (holow right, $200) sopports four audio chanools te pomp op the sound in every-
thing from gamos te 0VOs. Pot Gamo modo for four-chnnoo! sorreuod, or switch to Music + (Stereo x2] modo for stereo soond. Whoo
соорой with tho adaptor, tho 4100 cao connoct te othor oloctrooics, soch ns your PinyStatioo (1 nnd 2), portahlo МРЗ playor aod minidisc
playor. Tho system's wired romote control ndjusts lovols nnd volumo and inclodos a headahono jnck so yoor reommato cao get somo sloop.

JOYSTICK: simolater games soch as Micreseft Flight Simninter 2002 and Combat Flight Simnlator 2 nre popular with woold-ho pilots ea-
gor te climi tho cockpit of a Cosson 1725 or Dooing 747-400. Saitek's Cyborg 30 OSB Gold Stick (helow middlo, $40) hns tho controls te
kandio evorything from n singlo-ongino treioor to a jomho jet. Tho stick fonteres foor gregrammahlo fonctions, ns wol! ns гео aod ruddor
cootrols for smooth Inndings. And don't worry if you're n southpaw—tho joystick can ho revorsod for leftios.

VOICE-CHAT HEADSET: Yoo couldn't typo out n cry STEERING WHEEL CONTROLLER: Logitoch toamod
for ішін to your Counter-Strike teammates fost with Italian steoriog whoo! manufacturer MOMO
‘ovongh te eavo yoorsolf. Locky for you, many on- te dosign tho MOMO Forco (holow right, $288), o
lino widoo gamos оом fonturo woico-chnt. Mi- steoring whool nod podal sot for your PC. It's cev-
cresoft's SidoWindor Gnmo Voico (holow, $40) orod in gonoioo lonthor which is oasy 00 yoor
Connocts to a 050 port aod has n cootrol pad hnnds. And tho woightod podni sot won't slip whon
with pregrammahlo huttons for quick commoni- you сілті oo tho hrakos. Tho MOMO Forco also
cation to yonr ootire team or soloct momhors. works with yoor PlayStation 2.

WHERE AND HDW TO BUY DN PAGE 156.

“Did you notice Rex doesn’t stick his head out the window
anymore like other dogs?”

109

110

ON:

BRET BO

how a chubby, underachieving second baseman discovered the lean, mean overachiever within

ast season, a new work-
out—and ferocious dis-
cipline—rescued Bret
Boone's career from a
ре of mediocrity. He'll

ecome a wealthy man
this season as one of baseball's most
coveted infielders.

The bulked-up Boone slugged
37 home runs, batted .331 and bed
an American League-high 141
RBI—no second sacker in the
American League had ever hit that
many homers or driven in that
many runs before. Boone helped
propel the Seattle Mariners to 116
wins before they were brought
down to earth by the Yankees in
the ALCS (though Boone had two
homers and six RBI). It was a ca-
reer year, one that rewrote the
book on him (that he was a jour-
neyman player who wore down af-
ter the All-Star break). Better yet, it
made him welcome again at the
annual Boone family picnic. The
scion of a three-generation baseball
legacy, Boone often seemed bur-
dened by following in the cleat
marks left by his grandfather, Ray
Boone, an infielder for six teams
from 1948 to 1960 who once drove
in 116 runs in a season, and his fa-
ther, Bob Boone, a superb catcher
for three teams from 1972 to 1990
who played 2225 games behind the
plate, second-most in history, and
now manages the Cincinnati Reds.

Bret, the legatee, made his debut
in 1992 with the Mariners after an
all-American career at USC but
lasted just two seasons as a part-
timer before he was traded. In
1994 he was sent to Cincinnati
(where he later played with his
younger brother, third baseman
Aaron Boone). In 1999 he went to
the Atlanta Braves, and in 2000 to
the San Diego Padres. After all
that moving around, all he had to

show for it was a .255 career aver-
age, 125 homers over nine seasons
and a bum right knee that killed
any ideas he had harbored about
scoring a fat free-agent deal. When
the Padres, too, unloaded him, he
signed a one-year deal with the
Mariners for $3.25 million. Chump
change.

Facing his crossroads, Boone de-
cided he had to buck baseball's no-
ble tradition of not working hard
on conditioning. He hired a per-
sonal trainer, the former body-
builder Tim Michaels, who runs
a gym called Body Balancing in
Apopka, Florida. Boone came in
soft and small and came out hard
and big, while at the same time
leaner and narrower in the waist.

This is a combination so hard to
achieve with normal exercise and
diet that we asked Boone how he
did it. Be warned that his regimen
isn’t for wusses. His workouts are
brutal, his diet spartan, and there
isn't much room to cheat with any-
thing other than a pineapple slice
or two. The good part is that the
movements and techniques are re-
freshingly different as gym rou-
tines go, and are done with light
weight (or even no weight). Boone
told writer Mark Ribowsky how it
all works. First step: Trash that dev-
il dog.

PLAYBOY: When did you start this
training program?

BOONE: Two off-seasons ago. I had
been playing at 182 pounds, a soft
182. 1 had that chunky body. 1
wanted to be lighter but in shape
and I heard about Tim Michaels,
who'd worked with Tim Raines
and Lee Janzen, the golfer. I was
skeptical use Га never been a
workout guy. Га go in the gym to
lift just to say I'd lifted. I really
didn't know what I was doing. But
when I looked at Tim Michaels, 1

was floored. This is a guy who's al-
most 50 and he's absolutely cut as
you can be, a former Mr. Orlando.
And when he saw me, he looked at
me like, You're a professional ath-
lete and you look like this?
һлувоу: What was your body fat per-
centage then?
BOONE: Around 17 percent. It was
bad. I had no functional strength.
The first day, Tim put me on this
device he invented that he calls the
quad-maker. It's a wooden box
with a ramp built at a 17-degree
angle, and you sit on the incline
with your knees at the top and rise
up. The lower legs don't move, you
pull yourself up with your quads
and it totally isolates those muscles.
And I couldn't do onc гер.
PLAYBOY: Quad-maker? Sounds like
something sold by Suzanne Somers
on late-night infomercials.
BOONE: And I was real skeptical at
first of Tim's methods. But when I
saw they worked, I knew I had to
reprogram everything I thought I
knew about working out. Take the
bench press, for example. That's
everybody's favorite exercise of all
in the gym. But the chest is not a
performance muscle. A big chest
isn't a contributing factor in hitting
or throwing, and in fact interferes
with them. The hips are important,
the legs, the torso, too. The biceps
aren't important, either. They're
show muscles. The triceps are im-
portant. They're two thirds of the
arms. On a baseball swing, the rear
delts and the large head of the tri-
ceps work the hardest.
pravsov: That's all very interesting,
but most of us aren't looking to im-
rove our swing. We just want to
look buff.
BOONE: I'll work chest and biceps,
too, because I want overall devel-
opment. But you don't need to
overdo it. (continued on page 148)

..VER LOVE-
HANDLES ARE SHOWIN":

= ОН, BRET, НЕКЕ ) (LEAVE ME ALONE.) ( SHUT YER
| COMES THAT 1 DIDN'T PIE HOLE, YOU
BULLY AGAIN. DO ANYTHING- SACK OF LARD.”

BOY, THAT DIDN'T TAKE LONG. Y
4 = NOW I LOOK JUST LIKE ONE OF THOSE

AVERAGE SUCKS. | 1. GUYS IN MEN'S HEALTH...
ИНКАР 5 х 4 ... EVEN BETTER

TAKE THAT — AND WAIT
UNTIL YOU SEE THE BIG GAME
TONIGHT.

1 LOVE THE NEW,
IMPROVED YOU.

GOSH, HE'S CUTE.
BUT CAN HE
FIELD?

got a heart

“This will have to be a quickie. I've

transplant in 14 minutes.

112

TISEARA COUSINO

I'm really uninhibited. I feel
that life's too short, so dive in and
indulge. If I have chemistry with =
a man, if the sexual energy is

there and we know we're going to 3 "Pa =
be together, I go for it. For exam- sá
ple, after a party we might start um ? A

touching and kissing in the car.
He would probably have to pull

over to the side of the road bc- =
cause we would be so hot for each 22 Y
other that I would give him a =
blow job. We'd continue our pas- Ж 2

sion into his housc. It's the kind

of intense energy where we'd

want to rip each other's clothes

off and just go at it. Who knows

if we'd even make ir inside the

house. It's like, take me now!
МҮ HOTSPOI E |
It's a spot near my ass. It's right

by my pussy and before my anal

area. If it’s taking a long time for

me to come, he can press against

it and l'I] come almost right away. x

And I like to massage his регі- шаша

neum, foo. I like to put my finger

between his balls and his anus

and stroke gently. He loves it.

1 always hold the balls: one hand on his penis
always loving.on him, mas-
saging them and making sure he feels like n
being totally paid attention to. Every blow job A dif
ferent, but 1 use my tongue and lick the penis ni Cum.
and then fully take it into my ma Ba = = ing age
Iways different. Qus 5 ub
"OB сап feel his energy. І can feel what he wants, his style an
: а ане 1 don't just focus on the shaft. Ik ss all T
him—all around his thighs, between his leg: his cod
and balls, his butt, his ass. When I'm in love, I'm.
totally into my man; I get lost in him.

and one on his ball:

my mouth and doing that motion, Im
cupping them or massaging them. It’s al

SEE SOME OF TISHARA'S SEXY MOVES IN THE PLAYMATE
VIDEO JUKEBOX AT CYBER PLAYBOY COM.

EACE TO ANALO

CRASHPROOF GEAR FOR THE DIGITALLY CHALLENGED

What did it? The time your PDA batteries went dead just when
the barmaid beamed you her number? Or when your laptop
crashed and you lost a week's work? Every electronics addict has
endured digital disasters that leave him longing for simpler de-
vices. Instead of a personal organizer, carry Mont Blanc's ad-
dress book and pen. It's easier to use in a smoky bar anyway. The
next time your laptop acts up consider Olivetti’s portable manu-
al typewriter. Critics fault CDs, MP3s and other forms of digital
music for being too sterile compared to the rich sound of vinyl.
The Basis 1400 acrylic turntable and McIntosh tube amplifier look great and
you may like the way they reproduce tunes, too. Other predigital items that we
still enjoy: a straight razor, shaving soap and brush, a manual-wind watch, a
camera you focus yourself and a domino set that’s handmade in Bali.

PHOTOGRAPHY BY JAMES IMBROGNO

Below, left to right: The sweet sound of an
LP is something connoisseurs still prize. Pic-
tured here is the Basis 1400 acrylic turn-
table fitted with an RB300 tone arm and a
Benz MC cartridge from Celestiol Sound
($1950). Would Hemingway have worked
on a laptop? Olivetti's portable manual
typewriter features o memory line finder
and eosy-set morgins (about $190, includ-
ing a vinyl carrying bog). Mont Blanc's calf-
hide oddress book with poges for nates in-
cludes a pint-size ballpoint pen far jotting
down musings and numbers ($450).

Left: Hasselblad's red 501CM medium-format camera with
Zeiss optics (53175, also available in yellow, green and blue)
Below: McIntosh's MC2102 vacuum tube amplifier delivers 100
watts per channel ($6000). John Hardy's domino set made of
sterling silver and palm wood is an elegant alternative to video
games (5475). The Audemars Piquet wristwatch, in 1B-karat
pink gold, is wound manually ($7500). Sterling-silver shaving
soap bowl (5560) and shaving brush (5320), bath by John
Hardy, and a straight razor from Deutsche Optik ($20).

WHERE AND HOW TO BUY ON PAGE 156.

Jamie Foxx

PLAYERNZS

the funnyman on fly girls, the trouble with rap
and that hot condoleezza rice

A ctor-comedian Jamie Foxx, 34, was
born Eric Bishop in Terrell, Texas,
where, he says, “Everyone who is African
American is either a yardman or a maid.”
Foxx parents were divorced when he was six
years old, and his mother's adoptive parents
adopted him as well and raised him as their
son. So, legally, Foxx" biological mother is
has sister, and his grandmother is his moth-
er—and chief source of comedic inspiration.

Foxx’ family encouraged him to take pi-
ano lessons, and when he was 13 he was
playing Sunday services at his church. Upon
graduating from high school, Foxx won a
music scholarship lo the United States Inter-
national University in San Diego, but he
soon realized classical piano wasn't going to
be his life's work. He enjoyed making people
laugh too much. After Foxx moved to Los
Angeles, where he did stand-up at local com-
edy clubs, he changed his name to the an-
drogynous Jamie Foxx when he noliced most
club owners booked women sight unseen.
Foxx’ act at the time consisted mainly of im-
personations—Mike Tyson, Louis Farra-
khan and О.]. Simpson, among others, and
his alter ego, Ugly Wanda. It was Wanda
who caught the attention of the producers of
Fox Network's hit series In Living Color.
Foxx appeared on the show for three years,
co-starring with Jim Carrey and Damon
Wayans. Al the same lime, he played Cra-
zy George on the critically acclaimed Fox
show Roc.

Foxx moved to the big screen in 1996 op-
posite Janeane Garofalo and Uma Thur-
man in The Truth About Cats and Dogs and
in The Great White Hype, co-starring Sam-
uel L. Jackson and Jeff Goldblum. The WB
Network then offered him his own series. The
Jamie Foxx Show, which he co-created and
executive-produced, enjoyed a successful
five-year run. Foxx headlined such films as
Booty Call, with Vivica А. Fox, and Antoine
Fuqua’s action comedy Bait. His 1999 per-
formance in Oliver Stone's Any Given Sun-
day garnered a Best Supporting Actor nom-
ination from the New York Film Critics
Awards. Foxx currently portrays Drew “Bun-
dini" Brown, Muhammad Ali's cornerman

PHOTOGRAPHY € MICHAEL LEWIS COREIS OUTUNE

and inspiration in Ali, starring Will Smith
and directed by Michael Mann. He recently
completed his Cold Comedy stand-up tour,
and he's kepi his musical roots, releasing a
top 20 REB album, Peep This, in addition
to contributing songs to the soundtracks for
Any Given Sunday and Bait.

‚Robert Crane caught up with the comedi-
an at his production office in Los Angeles.
Crane reports: “Foxx appeared without his
entourage, half an hour late. He constant-
ly adjusted his do-rag, picked at his lunch
and looked me in the eye. He seems inca-
pable of not having a good time. A former
high school football player, Foxx looks more
like a wide receiver or defensive back than
someone in show business. He'd be ideal for
Deion Sanders’ biopic.”

PLAYBOY: Should the U.S. government
hire Suge Knight to fight the war on
terrorism?

Foxx: Suge would probably scare ev-
erybedy. He'd just do a huge drive-
by—Afghanistan, Pakistan. It would
just be one red Mercedes and all of our
problems would be over.

PLAYBOY: You cut your teeth on іп Liv-
ing Color with all those Wayans kids
Didn't Mr. Wayans Sr. have a hobby?
What was he thinking?

FOXX: I think he really loved his wife
and she was understanding to have
that many kids. And Keenan is follow-
ing that path. There's the Wayans, and
then there's Wayans Light. They're all
hilarious. I would love to sit down with
Keenan's father to find out where they
got all the comic genius.

PLAYBOY: Do you keep in touch with the
Fly Girls?

Foxx: No, but I have some new fly girls
1 keep in touch with, and they don't

dance. They just do their thing. J. Lo

was a Fly Girl. She's moved on now,
huh? She's still fly, though. I knew all
of them very personally. I knew them
all, and they knew me, and they re-
member that whenever they see me.

PLAYBOY: You starred in Booty Call—
what were you thinking?

roxx: I needed a job, and I needed to
do something fast in order to take a
step in my career. Maybe not an Acade-
my Award performance, but definitely
a peek-a-boo performance on Sunset
Boulevard.

PLAYBOY: You threatened to spank
Prince at the MTV Awards if he wore
those butt-revealing pants. Are you sor-
ту you didn't?

Foxx: A little. If nobody would find out
about it, I'd spank him publidy—if 1
had on а veil. I don't know how he'd
take that, but he'd have to take it, be-
cause Га spank him with my index fin-
ger up

PLAYBOY: Name one black star who
couldn't take Prince.
Foxx: Who couldn't beat him up? Gary
Coleman couldn't take Prince—actual-
ly it would be a draw, because they're
about the same size.

rLavoy: Help us understand the con-
flicts brewing in the hip-hop communi-
ty. We hope it's not about money but
rather about art.

Foxx: Come on, man. You think it's
about artists? Of course it’s about mon-
ey. If you can't get any height—be-
cause, really, rap stars are just poets
who have fallen into this society of bad
boys—you've got to be the guy who
goes to jail. That sells records, so that's

117

PLAYBOY

118

what they do. It’s not really about the
art, because the art died a long time
ago. There aren't too many guys out
there who actual artists with the
words and stuff. Now it's about how big
my record company is, how many jew-
els are on my necklace.

PLAYBOY
FOXX: It's ji
me І haven't left the hood, with some
high-end people from the Hollywood
crowd and a couple of white girls who
dig me. My food is gourmet wieners
and hamburgers—not quite doing it
like Hef does. I'm like the black version
of Hugh Hefner without the bud-
get. I'm Jerome Hefner. I'm putting it
down like that. Finger foods in more
ways than one.

PLAYBOY: How do you tell a girl, “It's
check-out time." Or do you have peo-
ple who do that?

Foxx: 1 just say, "Bounce! You know
what it was all about. You didn't care
about me when I was just walking
down the street. Get out of here. It's
over." l've been thrown out, too, so it's
pretty equal.

PLAYBOY: We know what your character
learned from Al Pacino in Any Given
Sunday. What did you learn?

Foxx: I learned how to be modest. Al
Pacino is nothing like the characters
he’s played. He is a professional in that
he doesn't use his status to beat you
over the head like some actors do. He
doesn't do that at all. That's what I
learned—to be modest no matter what
the accomplishment. To see him be just
anormal cat made me go, “Oh, it’s cool
to be normal. You don't have to do all
the antics.” That's the true talent.

тм.лувоу: Do you think Condoleezza
Rice is hot? She could make your ass
disappear іп a second.

Foxx: Sounds good. Can I get some
of that Condoleezza on my rice? My
brown rice, as a matter of fact. Can
I perform Condoleezza on you, Ms.
Rice? I want her to do that to me, be-
cause once I'm done, she’s going to
have to make me disappear, because
I'm filming it.

ruaysoy: Whose picture should be on
the wall ofthe young African American?
FOXX: I would have to say Muhammad
Jordan-Smith, Muhammad Ali mixed
with Michael Jordan and Will Smith.

таувоу: Would there be a place for
your photo?

Foxx: Not unless they just want to have
a good time. I'm the party cat

таувоу: Women—leave them laugh-
ing, or wanting more?

roxx: Leave them laughing, because
once they start laughing, they will want
more. That's what Гуе learned. I don't
care how beautiful a girl is. И you can
make a woman laugh, that's it. They ll
always want to be around you. You
don't necessarily have to have all of
them, or sleep with all of them. Just
the fact that all of them want to hang
around you makes people say, “15 he
m? What is he doing?
› ys around him." 1 don't
like young girls. I usually stay with girls
dose to my age. I'm 34, so I stay with
29, 30 and up. At least we can remi-
nisce on some things.

PLAYBOY: What was the deal backstage
at the MTV Awards?

FOXX: Michael Jackson's ass. Jesus
Christ. Не has 60 bodyguards. 1 start-
ed screaming at the top of my lungs,
“Fuck Michael Jackson. Who does he
think is going to jump on him, Britney
Spears? Should we shoot him? Can we
break his leg? What should we do?"
But that's because I feel in this business
there's a huge gap between what you
have as an entertainer and what you
have in your personal life. Nobody
puts his arms around Michael Jackson
and says, “Dude, regardless if you sell
one fucking record, I'm not going to
let you do this to yourself." Nobody
takes the time to say, "Hey, we're going
to love you anyway. Maybe you can't
sell 20 million records, but at least you
can live your life pretty much sanely,
as opposed to being the butt of every-
bodv's joke. You've kind of lost touch as
far as being a human is concerned."
Sad thing.

nAYBOY: What material always works?

FOXX: What I call “human material" —
things that happen to you every day
Relationships—do you love them or do
you hate them? 1 talk about jealousy,
which happens to everybody who falls
in love. 1 say, "Have you ever been jeal-
ous of a person who isn't even with
you?” You see somebody you think you
might like, and you think, Look at this
good motherfucker. “What's up. Ja-
mie?" “Fuck you." “What's wrong with

you?" "You're looking at my girl.” “You
don't have your girl with you."

she's with me in spirit.” So I deal with
things that I call the human things.

PLAYBOY: What material has bombed?
Foxx: It doesn't bomb, but it makes the
crowd real quiet when I talk about go-
ing to the health clinic. But it's simply
this—it's about communication. I say.
“Have you ever gotten VD from a girl,
but the girl is so pretty you don't want
to blame it on her, because you might
fuck up the relationship?” I was going
out with this girl—this is a personal sto-
ry. This girl was so pretty, but | couldn't
tell her that I thought she gaye me
something, because 1 didn't want to
fuck it up.

pravpov: What's funny now?

Foxx: You talk about your fears. When
you're on a plane now and see some-
body Islamic, you automatically feel
a different way. It's good for me as a
black person living in the San Fernan-
do Valley. I can drive up and down the
streets at 100 miles an hour and look at
a policeman and say, “Hey! America,
man!” It's good to have the heat off me
now. You know what I'm s ? Now
they're charging up to the 7-Eleven.
You make light of it, but you don't walk
light. Don't be afraid to make jokes
about it. It isa sensitive situation, but at
the same time, life has to go on.

PLAYBOY: Is it true you got your role
in Any Given Sunday because P. Diddy
throws like a girl

FOXX: That's what they say. I've never
seen Puff actually throw, but I don't
give a damn how I got the role. He is
making millions. He can buy a fucking
mechanical arm, or somebody who
looks exactly like him. I didn't know
that Puffy was up for the part when I
went in. So maybe he threw like a girl,
or whatever, but I got the part. Shit,
he's got enough money to pay for what-
ever he needs to get it done

PLAYBOY: How will your film Ali im-
prove upon Ali's film The Greatest?
FOXX: For one, Muhammad Ali is not as
good an actor as Will Smith. There are
things in this movie that are going to
enhance Muhammad Ali. And because.
you have Michael Mann at the helm,
who pays such close attention to detail,
i's going to be the last time they ever
do the Muhammad Ali story.

^I just met an old acquaintance, dear—and we're revisiting fond memories.”

119

u O omen Com

1 having sex with
you today?” a petite young brunette
asks the woman sitting nearest to her.

“Pm not sure.” A blonde picks up
her script and flips through it quickly.
“Are you in the prison scene?”

In a dressing room, three women
prepare for their first sex scenes of
the day. Their hair in curlers; they
study their reflections in the mirror,
carefully applying makeup. They’re
skinny and athletic, with tans like
shellacked wood and legs that seem to
go on for miles.

The women don’t seem even slight-
ly self-conscious about being naked
around a stranger. They are, after all,
іп а profession where nudity is a way
of life. Many outsiders to the adult
film industry think the women of porn
are Hollywood rejects, frustrated star-
lets with dreams bigger than their tal-
ents. That may be so, but the set of
an adult (text concluded on page 130)

JENNA JAMESON

TAYLOR HAYES

PHOTOGRAPHY BY WILLIAM HAWKES

CHASEY LAIN

JULIA ANN

123

TERA PATRICK

Be: E

KIRA KENER AND LACEY

JANINE

BRITTANY ANDREWS

127

ASIA CARRERA

130

movie isn’t fraught with frustrations
and anxieties. In fact, it’s a surpris-
ingly relaxed environment. The ac-
tresses seem profoundly comfortable
with their sexuality. Here, with the
cameras turned off, they’re like office
workers gossiping at the water cooler.

“So, I told the director there’s no
way that I’m doing anal,” one woman
declares.

“They never learn, do they?” anoth-
er agrees.

“It’s in my contract,” she says firm-
ly. “No anal. They want to change it,
they can talk to my manager.”

What draws these women to the
adult film industry? Money has little
to do with it. These people are sexual
extremists. You don’t end up with a
career in adult films because you have
a casual interest in sex. You must be
obsessed with it. And you must have a
desire to share your obsessions with
the world.

Additionally, a new crop of young
porn starlets are determined not to be
perceived as victims. Unlike the wom-
en who came before them, today’s fe-
male stars call all the shots and de-
mand creative control of their movies.
Some have even branched out into di-
recting and producing, making more
decisions about how their sexuality is
marketed. As porn queen Jenna Jame-
son predicted, “It’s only a matter of
time before women take over the in-
dustry altogether.”

Back in the dressing room, the three
busty stars are ready. A production as-
sistant announces that the director is
waiting. They do a last-second mir-
ror check. Walking out the door, one
of them notices a visitor to the set.

“Do you want a picture?” she asks.

Before he can react, all three wom-
en position themselves on his lap. The
man struggles to shift his legs to sup-
port them all. They lean into him, un-
til their breasts are inches away from
his face. One nipple jabs him in the
eye, causing him to wince. He keeps
smiling, though.

A set photographer takes a few
quick pictures, and the women finally
release the guy, charging toward the
soundstage like an army of Fembots.
The brunette pauses to pick up a
frighteningly large sex toy and reach-
es toward the guy with her free hand
and gently strokes his cheek. “I’m sor-
ry, sweetie,” she says, smiling. “We
didn’t mean to scare you.’

Meet the new generation of porn
women. They have sex fora living, but
they’re nobody’s victims.

To learn more about the private lives
of these women, turn the page.

ғ,

а
2.

132

THE PRIVATE LIFE or APORN STAR

do they take their work home? some ot it, yes—and then some

BRITTANY ANDREWS

Has porn introduced you to any sexu-
al acts you hadn't attempted before?

BRITTANY: Yes, double-fisting. I've
done it in my personal life since, but
my first time happened in front of the
camera.

As somebody who gets laid for a
living, is there such a thing as too
much sex?

BRITTANY: Absolutely not. 1 don't
work all that often. Thanks to porn,
I'm the greatest lay anybody has ever
had in their entire life. You know what
that does for my ego? It's been nothing
but a good thing

When you're working, is there a sex-
ual act or position you won't do?

BRITTANY: Reverse cowgirl. I can't
stand it. But if they insist, I'll tell the di-
rector, “OK, I'll give it to you for exact-
ly three minutes, so you better get your
shot.” And 1 make somebody stand
next to me with a stopwatch and count
out the three minutes

Explain the challenges of the reverse
cowgirl.

BRITTANY: It's where you're on top
of the gentleman, but instead of you
looking at him, it's backward. So both
of you are facing the camera. You both
are usually sitting on a chair, and you
really have to use your upper thigh
muscles.

Have you ever refused to work with a

certain performer?

BRITTANY: That happens all the time.
There are a lot of reasons, but usually
it's because they're fat, ugly or hairy.
This is something that I have to live
with for the rest of my life. It'll be on
film forever. There are also some peo-
ple in the industry who I will work with
only if they're in a submissive role, be-
cause I think they're bitches, and they
belong at the bottom of my boot. 1 try
to work with the same people. They
know what | like, they'll show up on
time and they don't have a problem
with condoms.

How much of what you do on camera
is consistent with your personal life?

BRITTANY: It’s not even close. I am
such a sick and twisted bitch. Half of
the stuff I do in my personal life, I
would go to jail for. I'm completely va-
nilla on film in comparison with what I
do in my real life.

Can you be more specific?

BRITTANY: Well, for me it's not bi-
zarre, but it might be to some people.
1 like to dress up men as little sissy
bitches in French maids’ outfits and so
forth. Of course, I make them serve
me and worship me. At the end of the
evening, after they've been tortured by
my switches, bamboo canes and other
gs of that nature, I'll ravage their
asses for three-hour periods. Like I
said, that’s not at all bizarre to me,
but I could sce why some people might
think so.

TAYLOR HAYES

Have you ever done anything in a
porn film that you’d never attempted in
your personal life?

TAYLOR: Porn was my first experi-
ence with multiple partners. And I've
always had an interest in girls, but I
never got to try it before Г went into
porn. Being with beautiful women was
a new experience for me. I like to ex-
periment, and adult films have given
me an outlet through which to do that.

What won't you do in a film?

TAYLOR: 1 don't get into the whole
gang-bang thing. I've never liked hav-
ing sex with three and four guys at
a time. Every е Гуе seen it done,
it always scems kind of boring. There's
never enough to go around. It seems
like people are just standing there,
waiting for their turn. So I've tried to
stay away from that

What can the average guy do to be-
come a better lover?

TAYLOR: Wear good cologne. Some-
times that makes up for a lot of things

ASIA CARRERA

Do you like having sex with more
than one person at a time, or is it too
difficult to focus?

ASIA: I strongly prefer one-on-one
scenes because I like to focus all my en-
ergy on my partner. I don’t mind doing
boy-girl-girl scenes because they usual-
ly translate into both girls focusing on
the male partner, which only doubles
the energy instead of dividing it. But
1 avoid doing the boy-boy-girl scenes
anymore because 1 don't like trying to
focus on two partners at once like that.
1 feel like both guys wind up getting
cheated with only half of my attention,
and I'm too worried about making sure
nobody feels left out to actually relax
and enjoy myself.

Is there anything you've done in a
porn film you haven't tried in your per-
sonal life?

ASIA: I won't do anything on-screen
that I haven't done іп my personal life,
which includes the majority of extreme
sex acts like DPs, gang bangs and gold
en showers. I won't do anal, either,
though I have done three anal scenes
under special circumstances in the
past. I also avoid facial pop shots be-
cause I do my own makeup, and it's a
pain to have to redo my face in time for
the next dialogue scene.

Are any of the sexual positions in
porn so complicated that they need to
be choreographed beforehand?

ASIA: I heard they had to sketch out
diagrams ahead of ume to plan the lo-
gistics of shooting a triple anal scene
with one girl and three guys, bi
ly I've never been part of anything ibat
challenging. For most of the girls, the
position that makes us shudder is the
pile driver. The girl is upside down
with only her head and shoulders on
the ground and her bits in the air, and
the guy is up and over her, pounding
away like a jackhammer. I don't have
the greatest endurance in my quads,
so those kinds (concluded on page 158)

“I cornered this beast in his lair. Notice how they captured the abject terror
in his eyes when they mounted him.”

133

PLAYBOY

134

POLVAMORIST continued from page 100

Their torrid chemistry was a contest to see whose in-
difference could surpass the other’s.

imitated Ralph Cramden Honeymooners
befuddlement.

That was then and now was nothing

Rod successfully navigated back to his
seat from the Rock-Ola after splashing
a salvo of quarters into its narrow little
mouth. He realized that her scent was
still with him, penetrating alcohol fumes,
which made him dizzy if not ill.

“Holly was an exquisite cunt.” Roger
clinked the edge of Rod’s whiskey glass
merrily. “Without a doubt, a bitch's
bitch.”

“Minot,” corrected Rod the Pod in a
near-guttural belch. “Ме?” He thumbed
his chest. “No!” He shook his head sadly.

"She was a harpy from hell—took you
for how much?”

“She was all those things and more, as
usual. Don't worry, though. One day I'm
sure she'll send me a check. Otherwise I
might have a reason to see her again. We
can't have that!”

“Heartless and conniving?” Roger
gestured for another round.

"Aren't we all?" Rod droned, over-
turning his empty glass on the bar. “She
wept and wailed like an unchanged baby
breaking the news to me on her flight to
on.

"With whatsisname?"

The bar was just as blue as Rod was,
that blue and no bluer.

"Yeah," Rod said. "There's always a
whatsisname. 1 got the call just before
five—right off the flight. Transatlantic
phone dump!"

“Now, that's cold," replied Roger with
idle sympathy.

“You could say I'm lucky that my
breaking-up call was mostly breaking
up. 1 could barely hear anything." Ha!
1 can still barely hear anything! he
thought.

Then he heard something.

A song, as distant in his ears as ban-
ished memory hailing him in vain:

The Ink Spots swinging their most fa-
mous number in а dulcet, oozing croon:
If 1 Didn't Care.

"Fuck me!” said Rod incredulously, his
eyes bolt open as he went both pale and
rigid next to Roger, who then lurched
away as if he had been touched by a hot
poker or was avoiding a serious spill on
his Armani jacket. Perhaps Rod was
about to vomit on him. He wasn't taking
any chances.

“Fuck те!" slurred Rod loudly. “That's
it! That's fucking it!”

Sweet misery and inner self-mutilation

poured forth from the PA in four-part
harmony over the tumult and hubbub of
the Bolt 'n’ Screw.

He looked up from the blackness of
his clammy palms and shuddered.

Тһе machine was beeping

As the e-mails and java script console
updates clotted up his screen after he
had removed his face from his hands, he
was absolutely certain that if he could
just make it through this day, this one,
measly, agonizing day, all other days re-
maining would fall neatly into place.

Flooding himself at the watercooler,
hiding from the daylight, skirting the 15-
sue of work, ducking supervisors, he set
himself to doing precisely that.

Prim, brazenly made-up, plump and
even more brazenly curvaceous, his col-
league Dotty Pike wasn't to be the first,
but she was somewhere on the list.

What list?

Why, the targeted list of indifference,
of course.

The list of those to be taken, used,
discarded.

"The list to be kissed.

Easier said than done, you might say.
You might also justifiably add, perhaps
in a halfhearted search for a portion of
lurid experience: Just how do you get
them to so easily take you? Simplicity it-
self: No longer take them at all.

No longer want them, or need them.

‘Tease them. Snub them. Turn on your
heels and walk (don't run) away from
them. Let them see the usual chance in
your eyes. then. just as they see it, readi-
ly take it away. Rudely snatch it back

This wasn't playing hard to get.

This was method acting hard to get.

It wasn't being hard to get—it was the
being and nothingness of hard to get.

It was its own phenomenology of mind
that intuitive, incisive Rod the Pod both
got and elaborated upon.

Someone once said that when the
heart is betrayed, it must in turn betray
itself, to effectively betray others in kind.
That was Rod the Pod talking, but he
would never have allowed himself to be
quoted this way. He would never have
admitted it

Why put prim litde Dotty Pike on the
list at all, you might ask?

For Rod, it was a mild gesture of re-
venge, a nod to the community of Net-
wonks at large. Dotty was, after all, reign-
ing office tease, a human bauble dangled
about as a prize, an intimation of what
might be won if you could only keep
reinventing yourself and your job fast
enough to remain employed. She was
the unobtainable company Kewpie doll.
universally lusted for and therefore uni-
versally untouchable.

Freezing out Dotty Pike would be a
blow against permutation for its own
sake, against Minot and Internet plastic-
ity all-around.

Though this may have achieved an-
other rung toward the nirvana of indif-
ference, Doty Pike had far more urgent
considerations in this than did Rod.

Her power base was somehow waning.

Dotty Pike had grown used to wield-
ing power over men in the office, power
that overtly attractive women with a self-
assured sense of sexuality always have
over sensitive, susceptible men—to put it
blundy, the geeks—who cannot hope to
keep pace. Though the Netwonks (or
Netwanks, as she often joked) were not
always less than attractive, they were cer-
tainly far less than sexually self-assured.
She easily exerted her subtextual sexual
power over them. Under the stress of
formality, and the need to rule responsi-
bly, they fell all over themselves just to
fulfill her slightest oddball whim while at
the same time perpetuating a well-seen-
through lie of dignity.

Allexcept Rod the Pod.

Rod, who, on the decisive morning af-
ter, had physically bumped into Dotty in
the hall, had indeed fallen all over her
like everybody else but recoiled, then
withdrew, from this lurid opportunity,
strangely unaffected.

No, not like the other Netwonks at all.

To counter that, Dotty immediately
turned on her flirtatious charm to evoke
the routine, reliable responses, the as-
sured babbling foolishness of sexual un-
ease. But none came. She even managed
to brush against his worsted crotch, ever
so slightly.

No change.

Nothing.

No perceptible sweats, no quickened
pulse, no reflexive incipient hardness.

Nothing!

It was just—well—wrong.

A headline bulletin ran in a band of lu-
minous red letters about her brain

ROD THE POD FOKCELLIAN 15 NO LONGER
INTERESTED IN FUCKING YOU.

She gulped dryly.

Rod had merely brushed himself off
and excused himself officiously, without
the slightest hint of interest or awkward-
ness. Then he turned his back on her!

Watching him walk down the corridor
to his office without giving her so much

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as half a backward glance, it hit her in
the pit of her stomach like a cramp.
That fucker! He knew what he was doing!
It burned her to the core of her soul to
know that she had just been brushed off.

While Dotty fumed, secming now to
be slumped somehow, Rod inwardly de-
lighted. She could wait. Somewhat smug-
ly, he set himself to the task at hand,

The first on Rod's particular list was a
local rock star with magenta cellophaned
hair and a hard figure in black lingerie
worn outside a tight unitard. She was
dark, gothic, mannered and cool. She
was not so cool as to forget to work the
room, however.

When Rod walked in she was already
assuredly and incandescently on.

So Rod, blowing smoke in her face
and immediately ignoring her in favor of

anyone (or anything) еһе, simply out-
cooled her with disturbing finality.

“This is Chemise N'Oblige," Roger
said. "She's this year's winner of the Bat-
tle of the Bands.” Her limp and clammy
hand was as icy as death.

"Bandwidth Blowout," she corrected
distantly, tousling Louise Brooks bangs.

Rod held her wrist as if checking for a
pulse, patted it gently, then let it drop as
if it didn’t matter.

He made an impression on her by in-
furiating her, and he infuriated her by
responding blandly to all her excitc-
ment, her deadpan, drop-dead glamour.
No, he was not gay, he caught in a side-
long whisper. Yes, he was single.

Rod was yawning. Rod was bored.
Rod left early.

Deep inside Rod's mind, however, the
clock was running.

He got the call from Chemise later

“You can come in, but no funny stuff.”

on that night, then soon enough re-
moved the unitard in the VIP room of
Active Transport, a new chic downtown
club. They fucked upright, backstage
while Torch Song beat out a staccato
dirge blowing out monitors to accompa-
ny the pleasured grunts of their rutting.

They did it on ecstasy, coke and some
strange brain-and-colon laxative that
made them lunge madly through the act.

They did it at the swing club Trapeze
in New York—for a lark.

For a week and a half or so, Rod the
Pod was "Rockin' Rod the Goth Scene
God," unlikely fave-rave of all the tech-
nos, the thrashers and trashers, remade
in appearance while occupying the en-
vied position of being the chosen one to
boff and squire their queen. He found
he'd made the de facto guest list for the
closed, celebrity event, the all-night par-
ty and its exclusive after-event of sloppy
hedonistic lying around.

One night, not unexpectedly, he end-
ed it all with the quiet decorum and
stately click of his cell phone while in a
taxi on his way somewhere else.

Chemise knew he was on his way to
see some vanilla office chick, some un-
dead yuppie scum in a clingy off-the-
rack tweed suit with unintentionally lad-
dered hose. Her blood was boiling!

Rod was, in actuality, on his way to re-
turn several overdue DVDs, grateful to
come home to his condo to loll about un-
clad on the uncluttered sofa, alone.

Chemise N’Oblige put scratches on his
face next morning, as he left for work,
caroming into him in the hall and then
disappearing. She put scratches into the
side of his car with a key. And that wasn't
the end of it. Chemise tracked him down
doggedly every other day at lunch at var-
ious outdoor cafes, spilling everything
from decaf latré to brimming mimosas
on Rod, culminating with the smashing
of a strawberry chiffon New York-style
cheesecake directly into his deadpan
expression.

Later, Chemise performed a song ti-
ded The Pod's Passion Play, punctuated by
the mock castration of her bassist on-
stage. That was the last Rod's still-ring-
ing ears ever heard from her.

Then there was Margit Ergot, called
(with misleading simplicity) Maggie.

A dwarfish performance arust pos-
sessed of the aspect of a mini Jayne
Mansfield, captured in blush-colored
tights, a tartan skirt and obligatory fuck-
me pumps, Maggie slam-danced her way
across Rod's typically skewed vision at an
opening he attended. Spark plug-fire
plug Maggie capered and caroused
about the loft, writhing her compact
body and shaking her postpunk perox-
ide mane to great effect, ignored and ap-
parently dismissed by Rod. He was the
first to entirely ignore her and so, true to

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PLAYBOY

his method, the last to leave with her.

Their torrid chemistry was bound by
one constant factor: a contest to sce
whose indifference could surpass the
other's. To bring a greater stake to the
contest, there simply had to be a compo-
nent of heartbreakingly urgent physi-
cal need, shaped by bodily craving and
honed by mental oblivion.

Her body vas a desperate knot of
muscle perpetually beating Rod to a sex-
ual pulp just as her mind was a splendid
mimic of his every diffident gesture of
surpassing indifference.

Yet none of this reached Rod past
making Maggie his first regular, sched-
uled for weekends only. Rod was blunt
and up front about his desire to keep
other days open. His commitment to her
extended solely to those days, as did her
commitment to him. Beyond that, they
both could do as they pleased.

Protected, of course.

Maggie agreed with his lack of enthu-
siasm and became Rod's recurring tryst
of competitive and often marathon ех-
changes of bored contempt and petty
one-upmanship ending in brutish sex.
They might as well have been set against
each other in an arena with punji sticks
or quarterstafís, as they bit, scratched
and tormented each other to the brink.
They might as well have been boxing.

Yet it was the continuum of losses and

draws that kept her coming back for
more and kept Rod taking her on. All re-
sultant lacerations, contusions and even
the disturbingly purple hematoma be-
came a standard offhand office joke at
the beginning of each week.

It wasn't what Rod would do next but
whom.

“The next regular installed from Rod's
roundelay of bored bed-hopping was
Melpomene Musset, or Melly, who claimed
direct descent from poct Alfred.

Melly got through to Rod right away
by inviting him up, then stringing him
from the ceiling of her dungeon, where
she also practiced her day gig as a
professional dominatrix. Meily was soft
and downy, large-eyed, full-chested, as
rounded, smoothed and creamy as Mar-
git was knotted and hard-edged. Tall
and „Шому as opposed to solid and
compact. Like Rock Icon Nico, she went
against her original-seeming type as
docile, busty sex cow and became a
punked-out Bambi with a whip.

Rod learned she was a secret superstar
participant in a not-so-secret amateur
S&M scene that trumpeted its existence
in pseudopolitical play party groups,
web rings and rock clubs—unobtainable
to any but the paying gray-templed ac-
countants and attorneys who were wi
ing to act as uniformed housemaid, toilet
slave or personal ashtray.

Where most men would have quailed,
utillated, to be sure, but marking on se-
cure hulls that would have been out of
their depth, Rod plunged in deeply
without apologics, regrets or, for that
matter, a suit.

Melpomene gracefully filled out
Wednesday through Friday. The list had
become an itinerary. And, as if that
weren't enough, there was Freja Frisson
on Mondays.

Freja was the wholesome blonde from
out of the Midwestern forest, an icy Pi-
scean type from out of the fjords. She
was a tall, cold, delicious drink that
would freeze your fillings till they shat-
tered, whose languid kisses gave the
kind of ice-cream headache that kept on
giving—the kind that would have you
licking despite the pain. if you only
could. Rod certainly could, and did.

He matched her, icicle for icicle, lick
for lick.

Freja was in accounting and had no
discretion in the office about waylaying
and entangling Rod in the Screaming
Media office corridor, dressed in the
snug informality that was worn daily
both to tease receptive men (and wom-
еп) and to permeate Rod the Pod's stub-
bornly icy core. The fiery display they
made each day was enough to melt the
hearts of onlookers and keep all com-
ment to an exchange of low whispers.
Rumors of threesomes and envy.

Rumors based in giggling fact.

Sweet Swedish Freja, idyllic Anita Ek-
berg-Ursula Andress voluptuous Freja,
the great heat sink of all fucks, the Idit-
arod of organized coital abandon, Yet it
was enough for Rod, and if it was not
enough for her, he could hardly tell
from her glazed, fixed expression, her
busied fingers, her chin resting on the
thigh of their rotating third party or oth-
er woman.

Rod met every waking Monday with a
thoroughness and industriousness that
prompted ridicule and disgust from
fellow marketing developers and that
caused a miserable chain reaction of in-
tense intercubicle rivalry. Results of this
rivalry reached a boom the day Freja de-
tected the unwashed essence of Margit
Ergot on his lips and chin during an im-
promptu hallway kiss and lapped him
exhaustively clean, catlike and fairly de-
vouring his face, lips and tongue.

Rod was in fact the object to be con-
quered—the one whose detachment was
to be penetrated. Then Freja could re-
treat and bask in the glow of appetite un-
fulfilled, lust unrequited—and perhaps
run off with her other object of passion,
Margit Ergot.

But so far—since the day of Minot's
transatlantic telephonic dump-off—this
had yet to happen, which meant that
the cycle would be repeated until Rod
showed some sign of wearing down.

And he was in truth quite worn down,
gratefully collapsing into an empty bed
On as many nights past midnight as he
could arrange for one, both for the rea-
son and the respite, the flesh and need
repeated, repealed and replaced by the
joy of indulged fatigue

All of this disgusted Dotty Pike, who
had hardly gotten even a cursory glance
from Rod anymore, much less his befud-
dled, hormonally overwhelmed numb-
fumbling. It disturbed her enough to be-
come a source of brooding when alone
in her cubicle. Struggling to work, i
curred to her that Rod was upsetting the
natural order of things—men were sup-
posed to be led and manipulated by the
heat of their genitals and not manipu-
late and lead women with the coolness
of their emotional disinterest. He was
putting an entire social order out of
whack by eliminating, somehow, the ef
fect of one in favor of the noisome other.

He had to be stopped.

Yet, in his ironclad schedule, he was
unstoppable

Meanwhile, Rod's life was divided be-
tween the jealousies of overlooked cli-
ents and of overly looked-at sex partners
who wanted more, railing in frustration
that Rod lacked the depth he in fact at
the outset had claimed to lack.

Rod stuck to his schedule without budg-
ing, so each felt she had in some way
been cheated. He placated, argued, ne-
gouated, procrastinated, sold his heart
out to clients and girlfriends alike.

He began to look dangerously haunt-
ed, sleepless and unconcerned.

Thus, Dotty Pike wooed him.

With laser-like precision she homed in
on his fatigue and narrowed herself up-
on it like a ray of sur e through a
magnifying glass upon an unsuspecting
insect.

Now, ifa woman wants to make a man
fall in love with her—an attractive wom-
an, a stylish woman—to the exclusion of
all else, it can easily be done. All it takes
is persistent attentiveness, the read and
echo of the man’s babi nd t
not longing, at least appetite. Dotty
knew all of this. As ng for mor-
tal combat, she applied it with pointed
aggression.

Alter the first suggestive kiss, Rod an-
nounced: "ГИ see you, but I’m into
polyamory, just so you know.”

Dotty shrugged and coyly countered:

^m not exactly a monomani:

Not exactly.

Doty had in fact anticipated Rod's
taste in women, observing him—but not
ing! No, we won't call it that!—on
different occasions with Maggie, Melly
and the gelid, statuesque Freja.

She averaged their dress and appear-
ance and adopted it, flirting with Rod to
the quizzical joy of Freja, who flirted
back with her while Rod assessed her in

зала

a state of shocked quietude.

By way of a clotted threesome with
Rod and Freja, she gyrated her way into
Rod's schedule with an adventurousness
and enthusiasm that edged the others
slowly out.

Dotty intrigued against them, playing
for more of Rod's time, dating Freja and
discovering unlovely secrets as to her
past, which she discretely dropped to
Rod, fomenting rivalry between Maggie
and Melly—an anxious spark between
them, which she fanned relentle into
a positive bonfire. She amplified and
tightened Rod's sexual distaste of Fr
by reminding him of her less-than-san
tary and possibly less-than-safe penetra-
tive predilections

While Rod vainly tried keeping his list
and sexual itinerary functional, Dotty
made the lethal move no man can res

the appli п of care.
Often mistaken for mothering, care
beguiles and speaks to the need іп every

man for reverence, appreciation and
service—to feel secure in the fiction that
he is running the show while in fact he is
being run by a clever, hard-working and
demonically detail-oriented woman.
Doting on Rod, Dotty was slowly win-

ning the game.

hen came the fatal night—the one
that all lovers reach, a night of peel-
ing away layers to get to the center. But
sometimes penetrating layers only gets
you to more convincing disguises.

Dotty tried to break through.

Rod reciprocated.

On the morning after the oath, the de-
claration, the—for lack of a better word,
or, for that matter, thought —commit-
ment, Dotty dialed the long number
for Rod's ex, Minot, in Cannes to break
the news.

Why, you may ask?

Had they been in contact before? Had
they established some rapport? Were
they in cahoots?

Well, Dotty was nothing if not th
ough. Let's just say, as a professional in
the field, she did her research.

And in saying that, let's cut to a love-
ly, fragrant spring day, the kind when
boulevardiers are at their very best at the
sidewalk cafes on the finest chic avenues
of the downtown taking long, if not well-
deserved, lunches. There's Rod seated
at an outside table under an awning,

138

PLAYBOY

140

sipping espresso in the cool, blossom-
flecked breeze with Armani-suited Rog-
er and announcing his impending wed-
ding to Dotty Pike.

Roger smiled with a hint of a leer.
"She's a wild one,” he said in passing.
“An improvement on our Holly of yore.”

“You mean Minot,” Rod said.

Roger whispered with a lascivious,
somewhat smug laugh: “I mean she's a
freaking minx!”

“How would you know tha
drawled, hardly paying attention, watch-
ing a swallow swoop and dive.

“How wouldn't I know?"

That got Rod's attention.

“Do you mean to tell me——"

“Hey!” Roger said, slamming down
his empty Cool Cocaccino mug on the
fiberglass table. "Don't get tense, man.
You Know, you were nailing just about
anything that moved there for a while.
It's not like we're virgins, you know. Be-
sides, turnabout is foreplay, 1 hear.” He
winked.

“That's fair play.”

Roger arched both eyebrows. “Really?
In this case?”

Rod leaned toward him, red-faced.
“Are you telling me you did —?

"I don't mean to tell you I didn't,”
Roger interrupted with a smirk. “But
this is no surprise—Dotty tells anyone
who'll listen that she’s watchmacallit."

*Polyamorous?"

“That's it! Now that means— —"

“I know what that means. She fucking
got the term from me!”

Roger raised his palms: “Hey, you're
both that way, right? No harm, no foul!”

“That ended with the engagement.”

“Maybe it did for you, boychick, but
somebody ought to tell her that some-
time, now oughtn't they?" His eyes
were wide in suppression of nonplussed
mirth.

"Guess what? She already knows."

“OK—so she knows. I just don't know,
and a few other guys I could mention al-
so don't know. I'm sure you can work it
out." Sensing a confrontation, Roger
hurriedly and abruptly gathered his Ar-
mani jacket, left money on the table to
pay the check and rocketed off, lending
insight into the origin of his nickname
“Ramjet.”

Rod sat there staring in glum wonder.
Thoughts came jogging along.

OK. Salvageable. He would have to
talk to Dotty, ask her some questions, get
things straight with her.

It occurred to him that swing tunes
were playing over the PA of the coffee
shop.

Rod recognized the song.

It was soft at first—just a hint of
melody—and then out of nowhere be-
came deafening in his head. It was the
same song that had played so resonantly
in memory just after the debacle of the
transatlantic dump-off.

He had a cold, sinking feeling.

Rod wandered back to the office much
later than he wanted to, having spent far
100 much time sitting there at a table
outside StarStruck's wondering if life
would be in any way just as manageable.

If she didn't care.

"I can give you an awesome pair of knockers, but you must
promise to use their power only for good.”

SLEEPERS

(continued from page 67)
leisure clothes gathered around our car.
Mani rolled down the window and said
in Arabic, “What's happening?

“Is that guy a cop?” one of them
asked, gesturing at me.

“Would I hang out with cops?” Mani
replied. "He's my friend from New York
and he wants to know what's going on.”
(1 spend considerable time іп New York,
though my official residence is in Israel.)
We started talking. Most of the young
men were cagey and noncommittal
about their notorious neighbor, but they
were all fans of New York. Several said I
was lucky to live there, but it was also
clear that the World Trade Center attack
had caused them no grief.

Already, the rumor mill had embroi-
dered the media reports with inflamma-
tory images. Now, it seemed, their
neighbor had been in the act of hijacking
the plane when police wrestled him to
the ground. Like the suicide bombers in
Israel, he was wearing a green-and-
white jihad bandana, and his protective
suit was designed to survive nuclear at-
tack, as well as chemical and biological
warlare. He was also wearing a ski mask
and a Kevlar jacket and was carrying a
small quantity of mercury. No one in the
crowd had an explanation for why a ter-

ist would carry mercury.
Life was so much easier before Sep-
tember 11,” one of the young Muslim
men said. “Then we were just dirty for-
eigners—and that was bad enough—but
now we're murderous, dirty foreigners.
And they think we're all dangerous."

Another said: “I'm a German. I was
born here. I went to high school and I go
to a technical school. But since Septem-
ber 11, Germans ask me if I am an ‘Atta.’
Is that fair? Is that right?"

And a third, speaking rapid Moroccan
Arabic that eluded me, suddenly used a
word I recognized: sleeper. He kept us-
ing it, and his friends nodded in agree-
ment. He was saying that now the non-
Muslims in Germany thought he and
other young Muslims were sleepers—
that is, they are agents of bin Laden who
will go about their normal lives until the
terrorist leader sends them into action.
As a consequence, they said, they heard
disparaging terms such as rag head and
camel humper far more often than be-
fore the World Trade Center and Penta-
gon attacks.

We said goodbye to that group and set
off to meet more of Mani's friends. It
quickly became clear that however un-
pleasant the new realities might be, Mani
and his pals had found a way to cash in
on them. He showed me one of his
‘T-shirts, now adorned with a photo of
Osama bin Laden outside a cave, hold-
ing an AK-47. Mani was about to deliver

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PLAYBOY

142

a shipment to the airport.

1 also met Fouad, known as Freddy
Football (because of his devotion to his
favorite soccer team). Freddy had spot-
ted an Internet parody of the calypso
classic Banana Boat Song, an animated
number with rockets, featuring Presi-
dent Bush playing drums and Colin
Powell threatening the Afghan terror-
ists: "Come, Mr. Taliban, turn over bin
Laden—daylight come and we dropping
the bomb.” Freddy downloaded the car-
toon and burned it on to, by his account,
30,000 CD-ROMs—with a twist. In his
version, Bush and Powell are mocked in
Arabic subtitles. The CDs were sell-
ing like kabobs, Freddy reported. No
wonder, since he was marketing them
through a friend who owned a chain of
kabob stands.

Much of Mani's entrepreneurial activ-
ies are conducted at a gym near Le-
verkusen, where friends and colleagues
hang out. It is fair to say, from what
Mani has told me and what I've ob-
served, that many of them make a living
in ways that would not stand up to scru-
tiny by the police. Then again, few po-
licemen in Germany speak Arabic, and
strong German laws protecting
erties make close monitoring illegal.
The gym rats are part of a loose net-
work of wannabe heavies. They work all
over Germany as bodyguards, concert-
security beef and the like. Some claim to
have known Atta, from his Hamburg
gym. Mani filled me in on what he had
heard about Atta. He held his hand aloft

"Am I to assume this isn't the McGonigle bachelor party?”

and let his wrist go limp: "Atta was fight-
ing himself because of the shame—he
t shame for
and his family, so he wanted to die like a
man. That's Ана” whole story.”

Mani's gym reminded me of a pool
hall in a crime movie, the sort of place
that vas, all by itself, the shady side оГ
town. It was one brightly lit room with
lockers along the walls and barbells and
weight benches arranged in group.
There were about 40 men there when
I walked in, nearly all Muslims— Turk:
Lebanese. The rest were Се
mans, Russi 5 апа
all, it seemed, were friends оГ He
told me there were just three rules for a
newcomer such as my: are at
anyone, let them start a conversation
and stay away from any machine where a
man has left his towel.

He introduced me as а friend, and
his friends went about their business
normally.

And what business.

It was immediately obvious that these
gym denizens were not health fanatics. I
saw a Yugoslavian in an Armani
proach a Turk who was pum
smoking. He placed the
burning cigarette on the edge of another
it were the edge of a pool

“Do you have it?” the Yugoslav asked.

“Yeah,” said the Turk, who rose from
the machine, dragged on the cigarette,
walked over to his locker and pulled out
a folded towel, He opened the towel
and handed the man a Glock with the
magazine in place. The Yugoslav in turn
peeled off several big-denomination
deutsche mark bills, pocketed the gun
and left the gym.

Mani slugged away at a heavy bag
while I tried to be inconspicuous. 1 wit
nessed another transaction, as a Li eba-
nese handed over two industrial
of pills to a man in a sweat su
Mani explained that the pills were Dutch
ecstasy. The recipient was a bouncer at a
popular disco.

T talked with a guy who said һе had
worked out e wore make-

p." the guy said. I was sure he meant
body makeup—the stuff weightlifters
wear in competitions. “No, no—like a
girl. Makeup on hi

They were both Tu y
wore soccer shorts and a Bayern M
jersey. and the other wore camouflage
trousers. I saw them speak to a German
i i uit, who also had a thick
wad of bills, He gave most of it to the two
men, who quickly left the gym

to show me some of his wor js ind what

his like.

rhe first stop was Jochen's art gallery,
an enormous storehouse of copies of the
great masters. Jochen explained that his

ntele included Germans and Mus-
ns, and that they were equally gullible
and eager to buy culture. He talked
about one rich Muslim drug dealer to
whom he had sold a Van Mogh. It sound-
ed enough like Van Gogh to impress the
buyer (and his friends), and it enabled
Jochen to say he had done nothing ille-
gal. From other outlets, Jochen ex-
plained, he sells different sorts of knock-
offs that have come his way, such as
Molex watches and Gup shirts
sell. That was obvious. 1 remem-
bered that Mani had told me another
way some of his friends had planned to
cash in on the suspicions that were now
directed ag; them. Given the oppor-
tunity, Mani had explained, they would
peddle false terror tips, bogus informa-
tion about plots they had heard sleepers
were hatching. It seemed natural.

While 1 was looking at a reimagining
of Rembrandt's The Night Watch—a sun.
lit version called The Day Watch by Rem-
nart—a German woman came in.

“1 need something for my daughter's
wedding,” she said.

Jochen had just the right enormous oil
painting. lt was a port of an ugly
woman, with the look of age about it.

“175 Mozart's mother,” Jochen said.

The woman was impressed though
skeptical.

“Are you sure it's Mozart's mother?"
she asked.

"Absolutely," Jochen said, and he then
made a show of inspecting the back of
the painting.

By the time he had talked her into an
expensive frame for the atrocity, he had
made about $2000.

Jochen invited me to tag along when
he visited a wine warehouse, where
three men were sitting at a table made
from a wine barrel, sniffing corks, They
ignored us as we walked to the back
door. Out back were the two Turkish
weighdifters from Cyprus who had left
the gym in a hurry. They were standing
near a truck filled with bottles of Span-
ish wine.
he truck broke down in the Pyre-
nees, and they found it," Jochen ex-
plained. The two hijackers beckoned to
some German kids, gave them a few
deutsche marks and had them unload
the sway into the warehouse.

On and on it went, as | met more and
more Runyonesque characters, Muslim
and German, who conjured up an un-
derworld open to exploitation by terror-
ists in all sorts of ways. For the most part,
my encounters took place in tea shops,
at kabob stands, on street corners and
in bordellos. Until September 11, Mani
told me, I could have found talkative
Muslims at any ofthe small mosques that
abound in the big cities. But they have
become all but deserted because, not
surprisingly, police have begun staking
them out, taking pictures and asking
questions.

I heard the facts—and, I'm sure, the
urban legends—of the Muslim under-
world. I heard about the special prob-
lems of smuggling goods or people
across borders. I heard about the high-
way motels, which have ATM-like con-
soles instead of concierges. One gains
entry with a credit card, and if the card is
a fake, one leaves no paper trail. Story
alter story described how it was possible
to operate under official radar.

One man told me he was trying to un-
load a truckload of lefi-footed Puma ath-
letic shoes. He explained that so many
Puma, Nike and Adidas shipments had
been hijacked in eastern Europe that the
companies had resorted to sending one
footat a time. If, say, his shipment of left-
footed shoes had reached its proper des-
tination, the shipper would have sent the
right-footed models to join them. Some-
one at the gym, he said, would probably
know someone who knew the where-
abouts of the right-footed shoes.

[here were stories about the man who
had an honest job as a dental technician
and who regularly stole anesthetic gas.
Why? He could sell it to truck hijackers,
who would give it to prostitutes who
worked truck stops. The idea was that
the prostitute would somehow give the
driver a blast of the gas once they were
alone in his cab. Then, while he was in-
capacitated, the hijackers could unhook
his rig, hook it to one of their cabs and
be on their way.

Mani and his friends travel often, driv-
ing fast on the comfortable European
highways. He and I crossed and re-
crossed the Austrian, Italian and Dutch
borders and were scrutinized on several
occasions by the police. Mani and his Au-
di—with mag wheels and blacked-out
windows—fit the police profile of a sus-
pect. No one ever noticed the illegal
Glock Mani carried with him at all times.

According to Mani and his friends,
their new notoriety makes them more al-
luring to German women. One of them
noted that Carlos the Jackal, one of the
bloodiest, most notorious terrorists of
the past, had just gotten married in a
French prison. To Mani's friends, this
news somehow suggested that wom-
en love outlaws, and now all the young
Muslims in Germany had that reputa-
tion. Who knows? I did sce them pick up
a couple of German blondes at a rest
stop and get blow jobs in the car as we
drove to а nightclub. One of the guys
in the car that night—a guy named Ach-
med who goes by Jimmy—said, “I tell
you I am fucking these blonde women
every day. We do not need 77 virgins
in heaven when we have as many as we
want here on earth. For me, this is heav-
en right here. Germany is paradise. I
think the best way to end this conflict is
for America to parachute a lot of blonde
women into the desert. If they send
great women with long blonde hair who
fuck Muslims, I tell you there is no war,

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PLAYBOY

144

по bombing, по jihad, no worries for
anyone.”

But forall the bragging, one fact is un-
deniable. It is easy to operate under the
radar in Germany. For historical rea-
sons, civil liberty legislation is powerful
and thorough. The word gestapo is al-
ways on the mind of German police—as
in, make sure you are never accused of
acting like the gestapo.

Also, Datenschutz, or “protection of
data,” severely limits the extent to which
institutions can share information. Sell-
ing information to catalog companies,
legal, and telephone in-
ation is also carefully guarded. Le-
gal aliens find it easy to operate illegally.
One can gain residency, make all one's
money off the books and skip filing a

tax return—and be optimistic about get-
ting away with it. The agencies in charge
of work permits, taxation and residen-
cy are forbidden, for the most pz
-reference records that might in
cate suspicious activity. Similarly, it’s dif-
ficult for authorities to get permits fe
wiretaps. The taped phone cony
tions that led to the arrest of Lased bin
Heni in Munich were provided by Ital-
ian authorities who were monitoring ter-
rorist cells in Milan, whose members
spoke to their counterparts in Germany.

Legal residency is also fairly easy to
obtain. Germany maintains an open uni-
versity system, and the universities are
free—even to foreign students. The Tech-
nical University of Harburg, where Atta
and his accomplices studied, has a web
page devoted to interested foreign stu-
dents. The page points out there is no

cros

"I suggest you get the veal Marsala, creamed fennel and your
foot out of my crotch.”

tuition. In many cases—indeed, a
pened with Marwan al-Shehhi—
sities teach German free of charge as
first step toward a free education. In the
wake of the September attack
university records have been exar
for anomalies. The Hanover immi.
tion office, for example, began to look
systematically through the records of
foreign students. The decision was criti-
cized publicly by the state official in
charge of Datenschutz, For people ob-
sessed with operating without scrutiny,
Germany is paradise.

some
ed

Before returning to Cologne, Mani in-
troduced me to a Turkish Muslim friend
named Mehmet. They had met as
youths, when both their fathers w
greengrocers, Mattcr-of-factly, Mehmet
described the various ways he provides
false documentation—passports, drivers’
licenses and credit cards. He also told
me he has worked legally one day in his
life and swore he would never do it again.
Fresh vegetables were too dirty for him,
he said, He preferred tampering with
photos and minting phony credit cards.

In Cologne, Mani's gym rat-bouncer
network delivered us to an Alghan wom-
an named Leila, who has been in Ger-
many for just a ycar and who lives
great danger. While Mani and his
friends must take their chances with the
new scrutiny the counterterrorist
sure to bring them, Leil
of the spectral past that haunts Muslims
in Europe. As more refugees pour out
of Alghanistan, there will inevitably be
more stories to match hers.

Leila, now 27, grew up near Kabul,
where her father was an English teach-
er at a local school. Leila has five sisters;
an older brother was killed fighting the
Russians when she was a little girl. His
death broke her father's spirit and her
mother turned against Leila in a violent
and vicious manner. Day in and day out,
Leila told Mani and me, her mother
whipped her with a thick carpet beate
In the beginning, Leila learned to thre
her hands out at her sides, to let her bi
lowing chador absorb most of the blow.
Her mother figured out what she was
doing and beat her only at night, when
she was in bed wearing a much thinner
nightdre

When I asked her why her mother w:
so savage, Leila thought for nearly ап
ute before saying, “frustration.”

About two years ago, she went to live
with relatives near the Afghanistan-Paki-
stan border, ıks to her father, she
was fluent in English, and her uncle
hired her out as a translator for an aid
agency that worked on both sides of the
border. Every payday, the uncle confi
cated the small brown envelope that co
tained her earnings.

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PLAYBOY

146

One of the aid workers took Leila to
bed and then, she says, treated her badly.
Over time, she discovered ways to keep
some of her pay from her und
gan making plans to e:
She obtained, from another
er, a document with her real
ared her a stateless refugee. From
stan, she made her way to India
and then to London, where she spent
somc time in quarantine but was then
delivered to France. From there, she еп-
tered Germany.

"I heard that in Germany it was easi-
er to get asylum because the Germans
were much more lenient about it," she
said. And so they were. In the early
Nineties, Germany was accepting nearly
half a million asylum seekers each year.
Even айег а 1993 reform of entry poli-
cies, the number of asylum seekers en-
tering Germany currently approaches

004

d in a fish-and-chips
fast-food place, but the smells sickened
her. She heard about the large Muslim
community in Cologne and arranged to
meet a Lebanese man called Hassan,
who had been in Germany since 1982.
He gave her a job in a factory he owned
that made pallets. She worked there un-
til the German tax authorities began
poking around in Hassan's affairs and
found that she was legally a refugee who
was entitled to a government stipend but
not allowed to work.

Leila was sent to a detention center,
where she met a Turkish woman who

urged her to call Gunter, a German
pimp. Leila began working in Gunter's
small brothel outside Frankfurt, where
most of the girls were local and Leila was
considered “e:

She had not ced since she was a
small child, but one day she started to
dance around the brothel and remem-
bered what she had been taught. Not
long afterward, Gunter sent her and
some other girls to a stag party. where
Leila did a striptease to faintly tradition-
al music and choreography. The Ger-
mans loved it and Leila developed her
act. She bought music in a Muslim shop,
fooled around with her clothes and real-
ized she had something that might sell in
the big city.

She then said goodbye to Gunter and
moved to Cologne, where she is still a
prostitute b
time as “the ы

Since September 11, calls for the Tal-
iban stripper have increased fivefold.
She wears у: , adorned with
gold coins, and dances to tambourine-
heavy Egyptian music. To be sure, dis-
paraging remarks about Muslims are
constant, and when she is told to service
the groom after a striptease, the Ger-
mans usually make puns about "screw-
ing the Arab:

Lasked her what the future looked like
for her.

“I'm waiting to die," she said. “Тһе
first time one of my lc comes to this

"So, Farnsworth, this is where the office pencils go!"

Hassan, the man who employed Leila
in his pallet factory and who survived
tion by the tax authorities, is
1 grand old man of the Mus-
lim community in a suburb of Cologne.
His story offers another view of the new
battlefield.

Now 55, with a full beard and a full
head of hair, Hassan is proof that mat
Muslims can operate within the law,
even while knowing many others who
don't. father was Lebanese and mar-
ried a German woman. Hassan grew up
comfortably in Beirut and was a greeter
and part owner of a casino operated by
Syrians. He showed me photos of him-
self with Yasser Arafat, who, he said, nev-
er gambled or womanized. In 1982, the
Israeli invasion drove Hassan to Ger-
many, where he found a job in a pallet
factory. Eventually, he established his
own business.

community, German police have asked
him for guidance in finding the transla-
tors they need to tell them what appears
in Arabic-language newspapers. The po-
lice, Hassan |, are paying the equiva-
lent of $40 an hour for translation ser-
vices, and Hassan is happy to throw
work to his beleaguered brethren, But
he is dubious about the efficacy of such
programs in the struggle against terror:
“If I am a Pashtun, or whatever, and my
Kinsmen say or write bad things, I will
n. My alle-
giance is with my people. If they know I
am the transcriber or translator, believe
me, it could be dangerous to give a cor-
rect translation to the police. These trans-
lations for the police will not be useful."

Hassan has another solution: Sippen-
haft, a German term from World War 11
that means punishing an entire clan or
community if any member causes prob-
lems. “It’s the only way to win," he said.

‘The fact is that everyone's future is as
uncertain as the next development in
the long and complicated war against
terrorism. And the rman Muslim
community, while it adjusts to its new
problems and opportunities, will contin-
ue to be the victim of inflammatory sen-
Not long before I left Ger-
rned that the Turkish student
who had just been busted when I arrived
had been released. In fact, he was never
charged, even though he probably knew
someone who knew bin Laden, and he
ad been traveling to n. His myste-
jous protective suit turned ош to be a
raincoat.

Mani, for his part, was moving slow-
Е with his plan to market bin Laden
“shirts. When I left they were still at the
: rankfurt airport, while he tried to cope
with, or find a way around, complexities
in export-import laws. He was still sure
he'd get them on the streets of Algeria or

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PLAYBOY

148

Pakistan before long. Meanwhile, he had
another friend for me to meet who un-
derscored just how vulnerable the al-
ready hapless German police are when it
comes to investigating terrorist cells. It's
not at all certain they can distinguish an
urban legend from a true story—and
they may not even care. After all, they
have their jobs to do, and Mani's friend
just wanted to help them do it—and
make a few bucks.

Specifically, the man described how he
had an idea while watching a movie in
which a speedboat jumps over a dock
and detonates some oil tanks. The man
had a police contact who was hungry for
information, especially sensational infor-
mation, from the Muslim community.
Mani's friend called the cop and told
him he had heard two men talking in a
kabob shop about a “plot.” Then he de-
scribed the movie scene and said the
men had talked about attacking a local
yacht club. The German cop took notes
and paid him $500, for which he signed
a receipt with a fake name. That report

undoubtedly became part of the "intelli-
gence” among public officials.

Mani has Muslim and German friends
and tries to be true to both worlds. That
will be more difficult in the future. Even
as he pursues shady enterprises, he is
trying to strengthen his official creden-
tials. He enrolled in an expensive secu-
rity school in Hamburg, assisted by a
government grant. With his graduation
certificate, he can remain part of the
gym rat-bouncer crowd but can also en-
joy legal respectability. Indeed, the cer-
tificate will enable him to operate a
bodyguard agency. It will also enable
him to have a gun permit, so that he can
sell the stolen Glock he now carries ille-
gally. Mani wants to respect his roots—
but he also wants a safe and stable main-
stream German life. It remains to be
seen how he will survive the conflicting
pressures of the German battlefield of

the 21st century.

“You asked about a personal trainer?”

Bret Boone

(continued from page 110)
When you do triceps and back, the chest
and biceps get plenty of work.
PLAYBOY: So what happened in 2000? All
that work didn't pay off that season.
BOONE: 1 went from 182 and a 34-inch
waist to 172 and 31 within three months.
But I was too light. 1 didn't feel I had
the strength that season, and then I hurt
my knee and got all depressed and sat
around and got fat again. I had to take it
up a notch before 2001 to lose the fat
and get up to 195. If you can reach a cer-
tain level of strength, you can miss hit-
ting the ball on the sweet spot of the bat,
hit it with a shorter range of motion and
still drive it out of the park.
PLAYBOY: What was the first thing that
you did?
BOONE: Lose the excess fat. People don't
understand that diet is pretty much the
whole thing. You can do sit-ups all day,
but if you don't cat right you won't ever
see your abs. I didn't lift at all for three
weeks. I just ate the way Tim wanted,
cutting out all sugar and salt, meaning
no ketchup, no mustard. Coca-Cola can
eat the rust off a car bumper. If you put
an old penny in ketchup, it will come out
clean. That's how bad these things are
for your body. You can't repair and re-
build the muscle you tear down in the
gym with them.
PLavROV: So what do you eat?
Boone: When you wake up, you clean
out with 10 ounces of distilled water.
Then 10 minutes later you eat two or
three granola bars or oatmeal to slowly
raise your energy. Then you have a shake
drink Tim likes called Source of Life,
which is soy protein and vitamins and
enzymes and stuff. The soy protein in-
creases thyroid function, sparking your
metabolism. You mix it with skim milk or
juice, maybe a banana. Lunch is grilled
fish, orange roughy o

cept for pineapple slices. If you e:
fore you go to bed, the body will work all
night to get rid of it instead of гем
and repairing.

eraysov: The hunger must really be
unbearable.

BOONE: It’s not pleasant.
gets paid a month іп ad:
stick with it, the results ar azing. You
can lose 21 pounds in 21 days. All your
stored sodium and water is flushed out
and you can see definition everywhere.
PLAYBOY: Do you limit carbs? A lot of guys
cut up that wa:
boone: No. Cutting carbs makes you all
puff. You get bags under your eyes. It's
just water weight loss. Carbs are brain
food. You need them. You need ev-
erything, in balance. After you lean out
the right way, then you add back the

That's why
ance. But if you

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PLAYBOY

calories, eat bigger portions, and you get
in the gym and start hitting it.

PLAYBOY: I assume you don't mean deep
knee bends and jumping jacks.

Boone: Hardly. Tim has exercises you've
never heard of. He's got a thing for the
abs called swivels. You hang from a bar
and curl your legs up in the fetal posi-
tion. The sequence is middle and down,
left and down, right and down. You're
working internal and external obliques,
which are the sides of the torso, synergis-
tically. One muscle is connected to the
other and they become very powerful
because three muscles are stronger than
опе. It’s always 10 reps in each position,
so it's 10-10-10, Then you rest for three
minutes and go again. With the quad-
maker, it's 10 with the feet wide for the
inside thighs, 10 with feet together for
the outside, and back to 10 wide. Rest
three, then do it again.

pLavnoy: With no added weight?

BOONE: You don't need it. It's brutal. You
won't be able to walk for a while. You
have to completely annihilate the mus-
cle. It has to burn like hell. The amazing
thing about it is that I could build my
quads with this thing while rehabbing
my knee, because it doesn't strain the
knees like regular squats.

PLAYBOY: Where do you get one of those
things?

BOONE: They're real easy to make. You
can cut out two legs on an aerobics plat-
form, or use one of those really low-in-
cline benches. I take mine wherever | go
during the season. It folds down, fits un-
der my arm.

PLAYBOY: So what about the other body
parts? Same scheme?

Boone: Yes, but with two exercises. We
call it combo training. Like with triceps,
ТЇЇ use dumbbells to do extensions lying
on a bench, elbows close together, with
30-pounders, 10 reps, then get up and
do behind the head extensions with one
dumbbell, a 20-pounder for 10, then
back to the lying extensions for 10. Rest
for three minutes, go again. With rear
deltoids, I start with seated dumbbell
lifts, arms straight up and down, bend-
ing the elbows back, with 15-pounders
for 10, the bent-over lateral raises, out
to the sides, with 20s for 10, then back
to the lifts. Two sets. What you're doing
with all these is getting blood and oxy-
gen from different heads of the mus-
cle flowing. The blood is more than the
muscle can handle. That's why you feel
that pump. You can see it, too, in the
mirror. Га get all blown up and love it.

And Tim would say, “That's not you, you
know. It’s the pump. It'll be a while be-
fore that's really your body." But it looks
awesome.

pLayeoy: What do you do for the biceps
and chest, those useless muscles we all
want to show off?

BOONE: Same concept. For chest, decline
bench presses with a 135-pound barbell
for 10 reps. Then do dumbbell pullovers
lying on a bench with the weight coming
down behind my head, keeping the arms
stiff. | do that with a 50-pounder for 10,
then back to the declines. Rest three, go
again. For biceps, we do barbell curls—
we call them cup and drops, because
your hands are bent forward holding the
bar like you're cupping water. You just
use the bar, 45 pounds, for 10. Then you
do upright rows with a 70-pound barbell
for 10, and then back to the cup and
drops for 10.

pLaveoy: OK, give me а good workout
schedule.

BOONE: You could do legs, rear Чейз and
triceps on Monday, Wednesday and Fri-
day and chest, biceps and abs on Tues-
day and Thursday.

PLAYBOY: What about cardio?

BOONE: Getting on a treadmill is a waste.
Lifting ramps up your metabolism much

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better. In the off-season I do cardio, but
it's intense cardio in the afternoon al-
ter the morning workout. I'll walk 100
yards, then sprint 100 yards, walk 100,
over and over for about 25 minutes, This
will шісі your body into thinking you're
constantly moving.

PLAYBOY: Is there a difference between
your off-season and season workouts?
Boone: Offseason, ГЇЇ work heavier, add
weight, push it more sets. Or Tim will
hold my shoulders down for more resis-
tance on the quad stuff. During the sea-
son, ГЇЇ keep it pretty basic, but ГИ still
work out four or five days a wcck. ГЇЇ
work out after games because that's usu-
ally the only time I'll have to do it. A
workout will take me only 12 minutes,
then І go home to eat

PLAYBOY: I didn’t think you stopped off at
the postgame buffet table.

Boone: T won't get near that stuff. A big-
Jeague locker room is a nutritional disas
ter. They have boxes and boxes of every
conceivable candy bar in the world. I
don't even have a taste for that kind of
crap anymore. Every once in a while, I'll
go out for a big fat steak. The great thing
about steak is that if you eat one at night,
it will soak up the water in your body
overnight and when you wake up, your
skin is super tight. When I loosen up on
the diet, 1 can get by with those organic
pizzas with organic cheese. They're not
bad, better than you t ы
PLAYBOY: And, of course, you wash it
down with organic low-fat Бест, right?
BOONE: Now that's a touchy subject, be-
cause I will go have a beer, which Tim
hates because he never cheats. I tell him,
“Everybody isn't like you. I live a differ-
ent life than you." He's at home all the
time. I'm out on the road here in the
Badlands. And ballplayers have been
known to drink a beer every now and
then. I don't have many vices. I think
the only one I have is chewing tobacco,
which I'm going to quit for my daugh-
ter's sake. But beer, what can I say? So
we came to a compromise. L I absolute-
ly have to have a beer, I take an extra
packet of this thing called Emer'gen-C,
which is a vitamin C powder with sodi-
um and potassium that I take three
times a day. Beer drains electrolytes out
of the body, so ГІІ do a Bud with a С
chaser,

pLaveoy: Many scientists would take is-
sue with some of your claims, saying
many of them are theoretical. Since your
regimen seems to work for you, do you
take any other supplements?

Boone: Only one, creatine. It pulls water
into the muscles and blows them up and
also gives you more energy to lift. Five
grams, which is a teaspoon, three times a
day for three days, then once a day. You
do it for three weeks, back off, then start
again. But you need to drink tons of wa-
ter, two or three gallons a day, or you
muscles will cramp up and you'll get de-
hydrated. That's what trainers worry

about. Like the deaths of those football
players in summer training camp. It
could be a hidden factor because every-
body's taking creatine.

PLAYBOY: Have you ever used andro-
stenedione, the stuff that Mark McGwire
made famous?

BOONE: Never tried it. I don't think an-
dro produces the gains that people want.
Besides, andro messes with your hor-
mones, like the ephedrine in those "fat
burning" pills messes with your heart.
rLAYBOY: Why is baseball the only major
sport that doesn't ban and
soot: Because it's part of the collective
bargaining agreement. They can't ban
anything that's legal. We won't let them.
That doesn't mean you should go out
and use something that could be danger-
ous, but it’s a freedom issue. I don't
begrudge guys for using whatever they
want to use.

PLAYBOY: Are a lot of guys juicing?
BOONE: Oh, sure. Without a doubt. Look
at guys now. Тһеуте huge. They come
up from college or even high schooland
they re stronger, faster, bigger. They're
like linebackers. I'm one of the smaller
guys around now, but I'm still bigger
than 95 percent of the guys who played
in my granddad's time. Even moderate-
ly big guys like Ryan Klesko and Phil
Nevin, I stand next to them and I feel
like Pee-wee Herman.

PLAYBOY: And yet people suspect you of
using steroids, too.

BOONE: І can understand that—when
somcone like me bulks up and hits more
home runs. Look at Mark McGwire now
and how he looked in the Eighties. A guy
gains 20 pounds in the off-season and
people are going to question him.
pLavpov: What's your feeling on steroids?
BOONE: Who's to say someone's wrong
for doing it? 1 don't know enough about
steroids to know who's on them. I don't
know if they're good or bad. If you abuse
anything, there аге going to be effects
down the road. It’s the same with any-
thing. If you go out and have a few
beers, it's not a big deal. If steroids are
done in moderation, done correctly and
safely, it might be an option.

PLAYBOY: So what's your body fat now?
BOONE: L know that last spring 1 got to
204 pounds and my body fat was 7.5
percent. That was peak condition. Dur-
ing the scason, ГЇЇ soften out a little. I
can get lower than 7.5, too. It depends
on how low I want to go.

riyBoy: Now that we've declared you a
hunk, how soon will you be posing in a
women's magazine?

BOONE: That's the last thing on my mind
When 1 got into doing this, 1 didn't care
what I would end up looking like. All I
wanted was to get stronger and better at
my craft, not be the next Backstreet Boy.
Besides, I don't think my mom would let
me de

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152

REHAB

(continued from page 88)
joblessness are ignored inside rehab on-
ly to crop up again on the outside, pro-
pelling them further into addiction

“Probably a quarter of the patients
who end up in rehab have some kind of
dual diagnosis,” says Anne Vance, a for-
mer staffer at the Betty Ford Center
who went on to run Crossroads Center,
a Caribbean residential treatment pro-
gram founded in 1998 by Eric Clapton
“In many cases, they're treated without
considering root causes. These are the
people who relapse and go back into
treatment again and a

But perhaps the single most perni-
cious force working against rehab is the
disease of addiction itself, which re-
searchers have only recently begun to
understand as a matter of biology as well
as one of will. Neuroscientists now say
prolonged use of drugs can rewire the
brain's mesolimbic dopamine system—
also known as the pleasure pathway—
prompting a lifetime of nonstop, bom-
barding impulses to relapse.

“Someone who is truly dependent has
gone past the point of no return with
their brain chemistry,” says Carlton Er-
ickson. professor of pharmacology at the
University of Texas and director of the
Addiction Science Research and Educa-
tion Center. “Their brain chemistry is
going to be that way for the rest of their
lives. It won't repair itself. It will contin-
ue to tell them they need the drug to feel
normal."

From that perspective, 28 days of so-
briety, group therapy and cafeteria food

is more like a small start than a trium-
phant resolution. "People seem to think
you can go somewhere, follow a pro-
gram and come out fixed," says Alan
Leshner, former director of the National
Institute on Drug Abuse. "The sad truth
that addictio a chronic relapsing
illness. Relapse is part of the disease
There isn't a magic bullet, and there
probably never will be."

No one addict has focused more atten-
tion on the rocky road of rehab
than Robert Downey Jr. The 36-year- SH
actor's still-revolving cycle of abuse, ar-
rest, contrition and relapse proves how
the obsessive drive to get high can over-
power even the most deluxe and appar-
ently sophisticated treatment programs.

Downey has spent much of his adult
life in and out of rehab, entering his first
program in his 20s (where he met
now-estranged wife) and returning peri-
odically between movie and TV jobs. He
managed to keep his troubles private
until 1996, when he was arrested after
he was stopped for speeding and police
found heroin, cocaine and an unload-
ed .357 Magnum. After bolting from a
court-mandated rehab and missing drug
tests, he served a year of behind-bars re-
hab at Corcoran State Prison. When he

got out, Downey flexed his prison-buff

physique on the cover of Details, landed
a regular gig on Ally McBeal and pro-
claimed himself clean and sober and
ready to start a new life.

His subsequent unraveling was an ex-
treme example of a story that has be-
come as formulaic as a Lifetime special.

"Heads, I get tail. Tails, I get head."

Once upon a time, high-profile addicts
would complain of "exhaustion" and
simply fall from view for a month or two
But today, celebrities turn th
at rehab into full-blown media events,
alerting networks when they check in—
A.J. McLean of the Backstreet Boys en-
listed his bandmates in July to announce
his stint in rehab on MT V—and appear-
ing on the cover of People or US Weekly
when they check out.

In February 2001, actor Matthew Per-
ry ducked away from the set of Friends
for a second round of rehab, reportedly
10 deal with a lingering addiction to Vi-
codin. In April 2001, West Wing cre:
Aaron Sorkin was caught carrying a stash
of mushrooms шапа onto a
flight to Las Veg:
ently kicking an addiction to cocaine
shortly after accepting an award fi
the rehab organization Phoenix House
for personal victories over substance
abuse. Then there's Darryl Strawberry,
currently committed to two years of
treatment after escaping rehab to go on
a four-day crack binge. The list of re-
lapsers goes on, from rockers Scott Wei-
land and Anthony Kiedis to actors Tim
Allen and Andy Dick.

"he PR stigma of rehab may have ac-
tually gone into full reverse, from
ity to career booster. One story circu-
lating around Hollywood last summer
nvolved a rising starlet who reportedly
feigned a heroin addiction, checked into
rehab and submitted to a new detox pro-
gram that begins with several days un-
der general anesthetic. She hoped the
experience would toughen up her inno-
cent image—and, most important, help
her effortlessly shed a few pounds for an
upcoming part.

If outsiders can treat rehab so casually,
the attitudes of hardened addicts can be
downright cavalier. Rehab counselors
say some first-time patients treat rehab
as a sort of crash diet, a 30-day exorcism
of their cravings. “I thought I was going
to rehab to get fixed,” says lan (some
names have been changed), a former
Boy Scout and surfer from Malibu who
checked into rehab when he was 23 and
is wake-and-bake pot habit had become
I thought
I could just take care of it and move on.”

Instead, holed up in a seaside rehab
that Kurt Cobain had fled before his sui-
cide that same year, lan bonded with a
group of young addicts still enamored
with the outlaw glamour of junk. “It was
‚7 he says. “We talked about getting
igh all day, romancing every detail.
With his newfound network of junkie
iends, Ian quickly became what he calls
a nickel-and-dime dope fiend." For a
while he managed to keep a job pump-
ing cappuccino at various coffee shops,
shooting dope in the bathroom and sup-
plementing his high with daily doses of
methadone and whatever other phar-
maceuticals he could get his hands

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154

on. When he was fired from his job, he
moved into his car and scraped together
money by scavenging receipts in the park-
ing lots of supermarkets, then shoplift-
g items that appeared on the slips and
collecting cash refunds.

Along the way, he spent three months
in jail and checked in and out of four re-
habs. "I knew how to go through the
motions without getting noticed,” he
ys. “Most of the time I genuinely be-
lieved everything I heard—then I'd just
go out and get high again.”

It took five years before Ian finally
reached that mysterious turning point
no drug counselor or psychopharmacol-
ogist has managed to induce artificially.
For lan, anger over a girlfriend secretly
making arrangements to seek help for
her own drug problem finally made the
difference. “She was trying to leave me
behind,” he says. “I felt completely ru-
ined and useless. I went into rehab and
said, ‘Fuck it, ГЇЇ do whatever you say.
Tell me what to do and I'll do it.”

Now sober for three years and having
worked as an operations manager for
a rehab in LA, Ian says he's still mysti-
fied why the system works for some and
doesn't for so many. "You have to be
ready,” he says, repeating an oft-quoted
tenet of recovery. “The tricky part is that
no one—not you or anyone—can tell
when you're ready.”

The basic residential treatment regi-
еп has changed remarkably little since
the Fortics, when doctors at “an asylum
for inebriates" in the wooded country-
side outside Minneapolis developed a
system that came to be called the Min-
nesota model. Today, Minnesota is gos-
pel at all but a few of the 3800 residential
treatment programs currently operating
in the U.S., from the no-nonsense Phoe-
House network to the deluxe Sierra
Tucson compound in Arizona, where
everyone from pill poppers to chronic
gamblers spends up to $33,800 a month
to get straight.

“What do you get for your 34 grand?"
asks Buddy Arnold, a 75-year-old jazz
saxophonist and recovering addict who
now runs the Musicians’ Assistance Pro-
gram with his wife, Carole Fields. “The
food is pretty good and the scenery is
better, but basically the treatment is the
same.

In the Minnesota Model, the 12 steps
are king, with addicıs spending up to
four hours a day in Alcoholics Anony-
mous or Narcotics Anonymous meet-

gs. Trading war stories with other ad-
dicts, they're introduced to the idea they
are in the throes of a lifelong disease
they are powerless to cure themselves.
The only way to get better, they learn,
is by submitting themselves to a higher
power, “working the steps” and never
touching a drink or drug aga

Most rehabs also foster a s

rong sense

of camaraderie and support. Typical is
the tough-love atmosphere at Cri-Help,
а 135-bed facility in a rough industrial
patch of the San Fernando Valley, where
new patients are greeted with hugs and
backslaps and group meetings can end
with the participants’ holding hands and
singing, like kids around a campfire

But beneath the grins and hand-hold-
ing is rigid structure—most programs
enforce a strict code of conduct that cov-
ers everything from what time patients
wake up to what they read and who they
talk to. Rooms are inspected for cleanli-
ness, telephone calls are monitored and
men and women are often prohibited
from any interaction without permission
Rules are enforced by a staff of “techs
(mostly uncertified ex-addicts who have
graduated from the program) and other
patients, who are encouraged to "pull
up” or “support” fellow addicts who they
see deviating from the path. Penalties
might include laps around the facility
grounds or, for severe infractions like
sex or drug taking, several days of com-
plete silence followed by a harsh dress-
ing-down from everyone else in rehab.

The mix of boot camp-style behavior
modification and family support works
wonders for many addicts. “I learned
how to talk to people and to share,” says
Francisco, a 31-year-old cocaine addict
from East LA who spent two years in the
drug treatment program at Corcoran
State Prison that treated Robert Downey
Jr- "On the outside, 1 was never able to
get my shit together. All the rules they
throw at you in here force you to start
living like a normal person.”

By the time many addicts wind up in
rehab, their lives are in such disarray
that they desperately need guidelines
and consequences, says David Carr, a
writer at New York magazine and The Al-
lantic Monthly who went through four
stints of rehab before successfully deal-
ing with “a little problem with social
crack use.” “The reason these places are
so freaky about rules is that addicts are
people who don't observe any part of
the social contract—the and scam to
continue to use," he says. “Until you cre-
ate some accountabil
making your bed and showing up on
time, you can't get them straight."

That certainly made sense to Colette, a
28-year-old daughter of Christian m
sionaries who got hooked on heroin
while attending USC and ultimately
turned tricks for speedballs in the Mis-

ion District of San Francisco. Alter over-
dosing for the third time, she found her
way to Walden House, a nonprolit gov-
ernment-funded service that charges
about $23,000 for its yearlong program.

At first, Colette welcomed the strict
regimen. “In the first couple months, I
needed the distraction,” she "It was
such a constant barrage of rules and ac-
tivities that by the end of the day I was so
tired I couldn't focus on using—or any-

thing else, for that matt

But her attitude change
er addict "supported her” when he di
covered that she had kissed a fellow
patient and had sex with another. For
punishment, a formal assembly was
called in which she sat silently as 200 ad-
dicts were encouraged to heap insults
on her. She got off relatively casy—“1
saw much worse wl 1 was there," she
says—but the experience certainly didn't
teach her anything about staying sober.
If anything, she says, the ritualized hu-
miliation only stirred up old memories
of childhood abuse.

“Their whole idea is to strip your
sense of self,” she says. “But came away
feeling I had no idea who I was—even
less than when I was using.”

Colette's experience is typical of ad-
dicts who go through rehab without con-
fronting the reasons they used drugs in
the first place. In Hooked, Dr. Shavelson
relates the story of a junkie who spent
halfa year in rehab and never got around
to discussing the fact that his father had
molested him as a child. “It’s common
for rehabs to focus predominantly on be-
havior,” he says. “They teach you “OK,
your life has fallen apart, we're going to
teach you to come to breakfast on time,
we're going to teach you to make your
bed, we're going to teach you to come to
meetings on time—but we're never go-
ing to deal with the fact that someone
raped you for two years starting when
you were seven. We are not going to deal
with the fact that you can't read or that
you don't have anywhere to live when
you get out of here.”

ed after anoth

Critics of rehab fall into two main
camps: clinical rescarchers who argue
that the disease of addiction will be
cured with scientific seru
al platitudes, and a growing movement
of activists who advocate a flexible ap-
proach that doesn't require addicts to
quit cold turkey. Think of them as the
doctors and the dopers.

Until recently, physicians have had
precious little to offer addicts other than
ge words of sympathy and
the local chapter of Alcoholi
mous. But as researchers have learned
about the genetics and neurobiol-
ogy of addiction, medical intei
tensified, culminating in a landmark
1995 meeting in Virginia at which sub-
stance-abuse experts declared addiction
a disease of the brain.

Their research has yielded a new crop
of treatments—including drugs that case
cravings and therapies designed to re-
duce relapse. But according to Leshner
formerly of the National Institute on Drug
Abuse, rehabs have not thrown open
their doors to the people in lab coats.

“Let's just say that not every rehab us-
es state-of-the-art, science-based princi-
ples,” he says. “Many of these programs

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HOW

Below is a list of retailers and
manufacturers you can con-
tact for information on where
to find this month's merchan-
dise. To buy the apparel and
equipment shown on pages
29, 39-40, 80-85, 106-
108, 114-115 and 167,
check the listings below to find
the stores nearest you.

WIRED

Page 29: “Porn to Go”:
Wireless technology from
Vivid Interactive, 800-822-8339. “Pity the
Librarians”: Listen Reader and Read-
ing Eye Dog by Xerox, parc.xerox.com.
"Game of the Month”; Software by EA
Games, 877-324-2637 or ea.com. “Wild
Thing”: Portable storage device by Ter-
apin, 888-654-0645.

MANTRACK

Page 39: Car by Toyota, www.toyota.com.
Baths by Ultra Baths, 800-463-2187 or
ultrabaths.com. Page 40: Bierschnaps,
for availability call Frank-Lin Beveray
Group, 800-922-9363. Vodkas: Blue Ice,
blucicevodka.com. Teton Glacier, 800-
548-6882. Pearl, 415-380-3711 or pearl
vodka.com. Beverage Testing Institute,
tastings.com. Book from Running Press,
runningpress.com. Golf balls, taylor
madegolf.com. Brooks Brothers, 800-274-
1815. Candles by Primal Elements, 800-
434-8277 or primalelements.com.
Speaker by Guitammer, 888-676-2828 or
thebuttkicker.com.

TOUGH STUFF

Pages 80-81: Shirts and stretch pants
by Under Armour, www.underarmour.
com. Shirt, top and track pants by Fila,
fila.com. Shorts and cycling shirt
Pearl Izumi, pearlizumi.com. Bag Бу Yok
Pak, yakpak.com. Shorts by Nile, nike.
com. T-shirt by Diesel, www.diesel.com.
Cargo pants by Unionbay, unionbay.
com. Page 82: Shirt by Enyce, enyce.
com, Watches by Michele Watches, mi
chelewatches.com. Shirt by Quiksilver,
www.quiksilver.com. Page 83: Hoodie
and sneakers by Pony, Pony.com. Shorts
by Under Armour, www.underarmour.
com. V-neck tank by Enyce, enyce.com.
Sneakers by Fila, fila.com. Page 84: Vest
by Paul and Shark, www.paulshark.it.
Sweats by Everlast, 800-777-0313. Tank
and shorts by Kik Wear, kikwear.com.

Page 85: Hooded sweat-
shirt by Ralph Lauren, po
lo.com. T-shirt and sneak-
ers by Nike, nike.com.
Side-zip pants and sneak-
ers by Fila, fila.com.
Sneakers by Kik Wear, kik
wear.com. Watches by
Michele Watches, michele
watches.com, Hooded
sweatshirt by Diesel, www.
diesel.com. T-shirt by
Enyce, enyce.com. Shorts
by Reebok, reebok.com.
Hooded sweatshirt by Triple Five Soul,
triple5soul.com. Shorts by Under Ar-
mour, www.underarmour.com.

BROADBAND BATTLEGROUND
Pages 106-108: Software: From Sony,
station.com. From Sierra, 877-446-0184
or sierra.com, From Funcom, funcom.
com. From Microsoft, 425-882-8080 ог
microsoft.com. From EA Games, 877-
324-2637 or ea.com. Computer by
Alienware, 800-494-3382 or www.alien
ware.com. Monitor by Samsung, 800-
726-7864 or www.samsungelectronics.
com. Wireless mouse, keyboard, con-
troller and steering wheel by Logitech,
800-231-7717. Speaker system by Altec
Lansing, 800-258-3988 or alteclansing.
com. Joystick by Saitek, 800-452-4377.

BACK TO ANALOG

Pages 114-115: Turntable from Celestial
Sound, 609 Davis St., Evanston, IL, 847-
424-1480 or celestialsound.net. Type-
writer by Olivetti, from Hammacher
Schlemmer, 800-543-3366. Watch and
address book from Swiss Fine Timing
Atelier Jewellers, 1900 Sheridan Rd.,
Highland Park, IL, 800-277-2699 or
swissfinetiming.com. Camera by Hassel-
blad, hasselbladusa.com. Power amp by
McIntosh, 800-538-6576. Domino set,
soap bowl and brush by John Hardy Col-
lection, from ViewPoint Showrooms,
800-237-9477. Razor from Deutsche Op-
ik, 800-225-9407.

ON THE SCENE
Page 167: “Muscle Bikes": By Triumph,
678-854-2010 or www.triumph.co.uk.
By Yamaha, 800-692-6242 or yamaha.
com. By Kawasaki, 800-661-7433 or
kawasaki.com. By Harley-Davidson, har
ley-davidson.com.

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are based more in tradition than in clin-
ical depth, We've had to work hard to
bring science to bear on what they do.”

But to those who run rehabs, cli
research offers little more than impract
cal theories and drugs for people try
to become drug-free. “If there's a pill
that inactivates whatever it is physiologi-
cally that makes an addict dillerent from
a normal person—that's great, that's a
cure," says Cri-Help's Bernstein. "But
so far all we've gotten are drugs 1
methadone, which doesn't necessa
help addicts. They're still strung out—
except now they're strung out on a dif-
ferent drug."

And while those who run rehabs are
happy that the medical establishment
has begun to treat addiction more seri-
ously, many believe doctors with stetho-
scopes can only offer so much assistance
in what is essentially a spiritual struggle.
tting in the grassy yard of the Prom-
ises Malibu center just north of Los An-
geles—the $1000-a-day treatment center
where Charlie Sheen, Christian Slater,
Tim Allen, Andy Dick, Paula Pound-
stone and Ben Affleck have all dried
out—founder Richard Rogg says recov-
ery is a deeply intimate experience that
falls outside the realm of science. "This is
not an area where you can watch mice in
a box," he says. "Miracles happen here
in strange little places. They can happen
at three in the morning, slipping outside
to smoke a cigarette and finding yourself
sharing with someone things you nev-
er told anybody in your life. The next
morning you wake up and feel a weight
lifted. That's not something that doctors
know how to fit into their models.”

Others who work with addicts believe
the standard rehab regimen is funda-
mentally flawed. The so-called harm re-
duction movement is based on the idea
that some addicts simply can't give up
their dependency all at once. Rehab's de-
mand that they do, the theory goes, only
drives them deeper into dependency.

“You don't wake up one day with your
shambles and a crack pipe in your
says Maria Chavez, regional di-
rector for the ional Harm Reduction
Coalition. "That's not the way addiction
happens—it happens slowly over time.
And that’s the way it should unhappen.
We allow addicts room to improve them-
selves at their pace, not ours."

Longtime heroin addict Evelyn Milan
became a believer after two years of tra-
ditional treatment failed to make a dent
in her 10-gram-a-day habit. “I'd sit there
in their meetings listening to all these
horror stories—about how people had

t their jobs, how they'd ruined their
ives,” she says. "All it made me want to
o out and use ај Қ
finally got help оп New York's
Lower East Side from counselors trained
in harm reduction. They urged her
to taper off drugs while helping her get
her life in order, setting up doctor

appointments, housing assistance and
help with her three kids. “I couldn't let
my drug go overnight,” she says. “I had
to fill in the gaps left by my drug little by
little."

Followers of the 12 steps, however, in-
sist that anything less than total absti-
nence is destructive self-delusion. "1f
someone is capable of slowly tapering
off, he wasn't an addict to begin with,"
says Carr. "Addicts are fundamenrally
dificrent—they can't be tweaked or grad-
ually amended."

While Milan and others may have
been able to modify their habits and live
more normal lives, others have failed
miserably. Audrey Kishline, founder of
an organization that advocates “moder-
ate drinking" over outright abstinence,
pleaded guilty in June 2000 to vehicular
homicide after driving her pickup head
on into traffic and killing a father and
daughter. Her blood alcohol level was
three times the legal limit

1t may be imperfect, but rehab is still
the treatment of choice for hard-core
addiction. What other choice is there?
Prison has proved to be an ineffective
option, and voters have finally grown
weary of paying its hefty bill. In Califor-
nia, the recently enacted Proposition 36
will direct at least 20,000 addicts into
treatment in its first year alone. And in
New York, the easing of Rockefeller-era
drug laws is expected to redirect tens of
thousands of addicts from jail cells into
treatment

With public policy—and the spotlight
of celebrity—now pointing toward re-
hab, observers say the time for reform is
ripe. While some rehabs (including Cri-
Help, Promises and Betty Ford) offer pa-
tients more than the standard course of
talk therapy and rigid codes of conduct,
too many treat their programs as sacro-
sanct systems that must be protected at
all costs from the influence of outsiders.
Any meaningful reform, says Shavelson,
would force rehabs to work more close-
ly with psychotherapists, social work-
ers, clinical researchers and anyone else
equipped to spot and deal with underly-
ing causes of addiction.

“Drug abuse is not just about drugs—
therefore rehab can’t just be about drug
rehab,” he says. Until then, even the
most intensive rehab will help a minori-
ty while leaving other addicts with litle
more than high expectations and hollow
catchphrases. Take the case of Pam, a
43-year-old mother of three who has
been in 31 rehabs. After all that treat-
ment, she says, she’s traded one depen-
dency for another. “I'm not leaving re-
hab until the SWAT team blows me out,”
she says flatly. "1 know how to get along
in here, but 1 have no idea how to func-
tion outside. I never have.”

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of positions take a lot ош of me.

Do you take your work home with
you? Is it possible to have sex in your
private life without thinking about cam-
era angles?

ASIA: I often joke that 1 can't have
sex at home without cardboard cutouts
of the crew standing around my bed.
But, honestly, there’s no comparison
between sex at home and sex on the
set. Sex at home kicks serious butt ev-
cry time. The only catch is that having
to do all those wacky acrobatics at wi
makes me pretty boring at home. The
last thing I want to do after a long day
on the set is come home and swing
from the chandelier. So I tend to stick
to the missionary position with the
lights out at home whenever 1 can get
away with it.

Does having sex on camera ever feel
like а job?

ASIA: It's always a job. A job en-
hanced by orgasms, to be sure, but I'll
never confuse sex on the set with sex at
home. We're actors, being paid to act
for the cameras, and that means our
first duty is to pay attention to the di-
rector and cameraman, not the person
we're having sex with. For them to get
all the footage they need requires us to

in some truly miserable positions
inably long hours. Г remem-
ber looking up at the crew one time
from a pile driver position with my
head and shoulders getting pounded
into the pavement under the blazing
noonday sun, and I said, “Hey, anyone
know if McDonald's is hiring?"

DASHA

Are porn stars wildly promiscuous in
their private lives?

DASHA: We may like to have sex a lit-
tle more than normal people do, but it
doesn't necessarily mean we have a lot
of partners. I've been married for two
and a half years, and I would never
have sex with anybody but my husband
off camera. There are a few people
who like to party and have orgies and
s really less than you might

Is penis size important?

DASHA: I don't like really large pe-
nises. They're uncomfortable for me,
so it is important that it's not too big. I
like the average size. Then again, there
are a few girls who really like a big dick,
but there are also a lot of women who
like an average size, so you can have
sex for hours and still be able to walk
afterward.

JENNA JAMESON

Are you as sexually adventurous dur-
ing your te life as you are in your
porn movies?

JENNA: I would say more so. I'm re-
ally crazy during my private life. ГІ do
anal sex at home, which I won't do in
movies. I think that it's important to
save something for yourself. And be-
sides, I trust a guy I really want to have
sex with more than just some guy that
I'm working with. Usually the guy
at home knows what he's doing, and
it feels really good. Especially when
it comes to anal. That can be a little
touchy.

After a full day of sex on the set, does
sex at home ever feel like a chore?

JENNA: Oh no. The sex on the set
just primes me. My recreational sex
has only gotten better since I've been
in films because it has opened up doors
for me. It makes me more accepting of
certain things. You start getting jaded.
You start thinking, OK, this isn't such
a big deal. I'll let you tie me to the
bed and insert horrible things into me.
That's fine.

Is there a position that looks good on
film but is a huge pain to perform?

JENNA: All the girls will tell you that
nobody does the pile driver at home.
There's actually something worse—the
reverse It's like a pretzel.
18 so hard because all the blood rush-
es to your head, and it's impossible to
come when there's no blood in your
lower extremities. You feel like you're
going to die. That's not something I
practice at home.

Because of your job, do guys expect
to have sex with you on the first date?

JENNA: Usually they're too afraid to

ve sex with me on the first date. I re-
timidate people. 1 think women
are a lor more forward. l've met wom-
en who come up to me and say, “I just
want to eat your pussy." l've never had

a guy walk up to me and say that.

Is that aggressive behavior more
arousing to you?

JENNA: I guess it depends on the
girl. If she were Pamela Anderson, I
would be naked in a Minnesota minute.
But I'm usually attracted to girls who
are a little more demure. I like to di-
vide and conquer. As for men, 1 go for
guys who are a little more forward and
confident.

If one of our readers were fortunate
enough to have sex with you, how
would it be different from what they
see in your films?

JENNA: They would have to hold me
down. Sometimes in my private life, Il
come so hard that I get a little bit vio-
lent. That scares the shit out of people.
They'll say, "Why are you coming at my
throat and trying to scratch my eyes
out?” I'm coming, that's all.

JULIA ANN

What won't you perform sexually?

JULIA ANN: I'm not much into doi
ble penetration. Only one phallic sym-
bol at a time for me. I'm just not
equipped for it. There are some girls
who are really good at it, but I just can't
do it. I don't have the physical capabil-
ity of dealing with more than one entry
at a time. So orgies are out of the ques-
tion for me.

Can you offer us pointers on your
cunnilingus technique?

JULIA ANN: Find a place and stick
with it. People who move around con-
stantly like they're painting a fence
never get anywhere with me. When a
girl moans, stick with it!

Are facials required, or are you just
being polite?

JULIA ANN: It’s not required at all. I
usually ask the director where he wants
the pop shot. Or I'll ask the talent. You
really want the guys to get off on what
they're doing because it just makes it
easier for everybody. I don't take
the mouth, but that's for safety issues
If I really like the guy and we have
good chemistry, ГЇЇ take a facial. It's

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(continued from page 78)

you," writes a bubbly 44-year-old teacher
whose bio crows, *I love to laugh." Not
just too old, but also divorced and the
mother of too many kids. A hypnotist
with a witchy, Brazilian sex writes
to say I'm “intriguing and adorable."
Her bio mentions martial arts, Jew
mysticism and several other spiritual
interests. "The morc I positively im-
pact my personal electromagnetic field
through mind-body-spirit disciplines,
the more | radiate love and sharing." I
don't like radiation any more than 1 like
cats, so I write her a polite rejection note

The girls 1 like don't like me. The girls
who like me, I don't like. It’s like being
15 again.

Many of my correspondents comment
sarcastically on my haircut, a thick shag
that makes rne look like Keith Richards
in his matted heroin haze or Warren
Beatty in Shampoo. On JDate, Pai
"Are you the guy from circa 197
Matchmaker, a woman who says she re-
minds people of Janeane Garofalo asks,
"Where did you get hold of Robert
Klein's headshot?" "I was thinking your
haircut was so bad and so That Seventies
Show, but 1 read your profile and it made
me laugh,” says an actress who has had
parts on Party of Five and Sabrina, the
Teenage Witch. (1 know t because I
checked her out on Google, rescarch I
conduct before all my dates.) "Don't take
any of this the wrong way. I’m actually
trying to give you a compliment.” Sadly,
it's the sweetest thing anyone's said to
me online in a while.

If 1 contact a woman and she doesn't
reply, 1 move on. But the women are
morc persistent. One writes me from
Match, and when 1 don't reply, she
writes me again from JDate. "Wow,"
reads the subject line of an introductory
e-mail from BrainyGirl, who likes art
films and writes, “I cry at everything.”
When I don't reply, she sends two more
notes the next day: "5o, here you have
a woman with all the qualities on your
laundry list, and still no response from
you. What gives?"

Back on JDate, I write to five more
hotties and finally get my first real re-
sponse: Rachel, a tall architect, snarls,
“Since you're a writer, I'm disappointed
you couldn't come up with a more origi-
nal introductory line, especially when
other women on JDate have said you
used the same line with them. Get with
it. How intrigued can you be with multi-
ple women?”

As if my 0-for-20 streak on JDate
weren't bad enough, now I have to w
ry about an underground information
network tracing my come-ons like the
CIA. One afternoon, I have lunch with
Daisy, a stacked, pink-flushed acupunc-
turist in a sleeveless, unbuttoned sun-
dress who says Matchmaker also has a

surreptitious newsletter in which women
exchange information about unsavory
membcrs. On the advice of Sean's girl-
friend, I change my JDate bio to make
it less caustic. For good measure, I also
change my answer to the income ques
tion, from "none of your business" to
"over $100,000." I need every advantage
1 can muster.

One day 1 read that Daily Candy, а
website for fashion obsessives, is auction-
ing off a personal ad. Here's a chance to
reach thousands of women who don't
mind spending $50 every three weeks
ona Brazilian bikini wax. t I have to
win the eBay auction, which seems un-
ely when my cable modem fails a few
minutes before the auction ends. Finally,
after a frantic service call to tech sup-
port, I reset the modem, log on to eBay
and get into a last-minute bidding war.
two seconds left in the auction, my
$550 bid wins.

I compose an ad plotted to seduce styl-
ish knockouts: “Dasher looking for Vix-
en. If I was a sample sale, you'd show up
early,” it begins. Over the next week, my
mailbox fills up with about 60 entries.
Several women write to say they already
have boyfriends, but they wish me luck.
Three are blank. One, coincidentally, is
from a good friend's sister. Just to prove
that everything you've heard about New
Yorkers is true, another writes to correct
my grammar.

But most of the girls wriggle for atten-
tion like beauty queen contestants. One
ad exec sends an elaborate poem. When

1 ask for a photo, she forwards a soft-
core picture of Carmen Electra. We
meet; she looks more like Bette Midler.
“I didn't think that kind of flamboyant
wit was possible for a heterosexual gu
writes a newspaper columnist who has
always ignored me at cocktail parti
A stockbroker writes, “I like to ski it
steep and deep,” which I assume is some
kind of metaphor. I even get an out-of-
town response: Pearl, who says she's
“beautiful both inside and out” and adds,
“I love to smile" (what, you got some-
thing against laughing?) offers to fly from
Los Angeles to meet me. Then she sends
a photo. Imagine Drew Carey wearing
Patricia Field drag.

“1 admit I was intrigued, and I'd like
to learn more about you,” writes Sandra,
a TV producer who describes herself as
sexy and witty, “with true inner and out-
er beauty.” The moment Sandra arrives
for dinner, I wonder how much time
she'd spent retouching her photo. In the
middle of discussing baseball she dares
me to name her favorite Yankee, then
adds, “You won't guess. You're not that
smart.” No, nor was I interested enough
to remember her answer.

For a few wecks, I have lots of drink
dates: with Alexandra, a daring blonde
socialite with a trust fund, with Laura, a
goofy, red-lipped teacher who writes the
next day to suggest I go on a date with
her sister, and with Margie, who sent me
a gorgeous photo of her naked, tattooed
back. (I forward it to Sean, who replies,
“It gave me a chubby.”) When we meet

“All hands below deck!”

159

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for a late drink, Margie—a tiny, preco-
cious, bisexual 21-year-old with lots of
piercings—says a bunch of her friends
liked my Daily Candy ad. When several
tell her they would have answered it,
Margie adds, “If only he weren't so old.”
The pain is assuaged by liberal applica-
tions of her tongue stud sometime after
midnight.

One day, my stockbroker puts me in
touch with a divorced colleague who'd
recently joined the Right Stuff (right
stuffdating.com), a dating service that's
exclusively for graduates of Ivy League
and other “select” colleges. He raves
about all of the “consistently powerful,
extraordinary women" he's met there.
Finally, 1 can reap an advantage from
having cheated on my SATs. Alter sub-
mitting a copy of my diploma as the
mandatory "proof of your graduate sta-
tus,” I browse brief bios of about 650
New York members. A book author and
healer. A lawyer who enjoys "yummy
brunches.” A blonde attorney, “very at-
tractive, loves to laugh.” (ГЇЇ bring my
hand puppets.) A head-turning blonde
looking for a “successful, generous man
to captivate and keep me.” In these 30-
word teaser capsules, at least half use the
vague word attractive.

Where other sites have a flat monthly
or quarterly fee for unlimited use, the
Right Stuff charges a moderate $70 for a
six-month membership, then $3.10 each
time you want to see the full profile of a
member. There's a slot-machine effect at
work: Very quickly, I spend more than
$100 on profiles, most of which do not
have photos.

In addition to the expense and aggra-
vation, the Right Stuff is badly designed
and difficult to navigate. I phone for cus-
tomer support, leave two messages over
the span of two weeks and get no reply.
Finally, I e-mail Dawne, the site propri-
etress. who replies, “I ат so sorry, but
I have been overwhelmed by the chang-
es that were made to the website.” Her
e-mail is full of misspellings—pretty fun-
ny for a woman whose site caters to the
well educated.

Here, I can't even see photos of the
women who reject me. “Honestly, you
just aren't my type,” replies an MBA
named Anne. "I'm very into clean-cut
guys, and your hairstyle just doesn't fall
into that category." I have only one
Right Stuff date, with a pale fiction edi-
tor who volunteers a similar dislike of the
site: “It seems like a rip-off,” she says,
sighing, and adds some ad hominem
comments about Dawne.

When I complain about the site and
the lack of customer service, Dawne re-
sponds by canceling my membership
“Your rudeness bordered on rage,” she
writes. Instead of enjoying the servi
“you spent your time insulting me and
raging at me.” These accusations sur-
prise me. 1 thought I'd been preity kind

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about her crummy, rapacious site.

Alter five we on JDate, Lam batting
1-for-29, the kind of average that gets
people sent to the minor leagues. Aver-
age age of the women | write to: 96. Av-
erage age of the women who write to
me: 35. Then, on my 30th [Date try, I
get something worse than rejection: a
psychodate.

When I write to her, Layna June
e-mails me a short message: "Can you
IM me? Doesn't that sound so sexual?"
She also sends me a photo from her
brother's bar mitzvah; she's wearing a
tight, blood-red dress and posing with a
Cher impersonator. Either that, or Cher
has been making personal appearances
at Long Island bar mitzvahs.

One night, while I'm on vacation at a
beach house about 90 miles east of New
York City, Layna June and 1 exchange
a few instant messages. She says 1 have
“kind of a Beck look,” a rare positive ref-
erence to my hair. She mentions that
she's submissive. She asks when we can
meet. As soon as possible, I think. Just a
few hours after our first phone call, she
arrives at my house

And she's splendid: a thick-lipped bru-
nette with more curves than the Indy
500. We balance ourselves on a ham-
mock under the night sky and spend an
hour touching and kissing. She men-
tions that she likes to be spanked. We
move inside.

On the phone, she'd mentioned two
relevant details. First, that she was
broke—though, instead of taking a $10
train or a $24 bus, she hires a car and
driver for $200 (plus a $40 tip) and
charges it to her father, announcing, “He
can afford it.” She does not have a penny
anywhere in her tight jeans, and she's
hoarding the last cigarette in her pack.
Second, she mentioned that she takes
Prozac for an obsessive-compulsive dis-
order, as well as attention-deficit/hyper-
activity disorder. She's done everything
but give me her psychopharmacologist's
beeper number, but I'm undeterred for
one simple reason: Psychochicks do it
better.

Prozac inhibits orgasms, which 1 view
as a kind of challenge. By midnight, my
tongue is exhausted, but I've succeeded
in making my guest feel welcome. At this
point, she mentions that she doesn't ac-
tually like intercourse, and drops off to
sleep without reciprocation. Subtract the
sex from psychosex, and what are you
left with? Exactly.

The next morning, disappointment
turns into melodrama. She's spending
lots of time on her cell phone, her voice
rising with each call. Her sister, sched-
uled lor a “medical procedure” that day,
hasn't shown at the hospital, and their
mother is alarmed. After a while, Layna
June apologizes for the theatrics and ex-
plains that her т, once institutional-
ized for a suicide attempt, was scheduled
for an abortion and, after declaring “1

don't want to live," has ditched the hos-
pital and disappeared. She sits in the
yard, making calls, while 1 read inside.
Although we'd planned on two nights to-
gether, after dinner I drive her to her
friend's posh rental three towns away,
and we part quickly. We've gone from
desire to di: the full cycle of a sour
relationship. in only 18 hours. And I
haven't gotten laid. She's the bossiest
submissive I've ever met.

With my JDate batting average at
2-for-30, I decide to retire from the site.

Until I joined Nerve (nerve.com), I
was unfamiliar with genital stretching.
Most sites offer comforting, flowery lan-
guage about romance and commitment,
to chase away the horror and shame that
naturally result from looking for love on
the Internet. Reading the Nerve person-
als is like cavesdropping at a downtown
bar: lots of pop culture references, sexu-
al innuendo, showoff wit and a flood of
sarcasm. For instance, I don't think Vic
toriaSecret is sincere when she writes, "I
want someone who knows how to say
Hard Rock Cafe in a whole bunch of lan-
guages. No ethnics please. 1 like men
who are outta control, so incontinence is
a big plu:

Unlike most other sites, Nerve allows
explicit photos, like the Forties-style nude
chiaroscuro shot submitted by Lindy, a
fleshy 29-year-old bisexual. Last books
she read: The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex
for Women and The Mammoth Book of Mur-
der, Favorite movie sex scene: from The
Night Porter. Her bio also mentions anal
beads, fisting, spanking, bondage and
discipline, pussy and cock worship and
her vibrator. Oh, and cats. Even kinky
sex adventurers need a domestic animal
companion

1 don’t get a response from the beau-
tiful Canadian expat who talks about
underwear and shoes, specifies that she
likes being dominated and wants a man
who will discuss Achculean tool tradi-

tions and behavioral endocrinology with
her. I get a note from Marcy, a mas-
sage therapist in her late 30s whose bio
mentions Pablo Neruda and two cats. 1
don't reply.

1 have lunch with a classy, stylish, ac-

pleasure.” Our lunch lasts two hours,
though I don't think that's the kind of
sustained pleasure she has in mind. “I
liked your ad. Would love to hear more.
Check out mine and drop me a line,”
writes a dark, moody-looking girl whose
bio mentions her therapist and Sylvia
Plath. I write back but get no reply.
Since people know they'll nev
one another again, there's a fair amount
of rudeness in online dating. A Match-
maker date who imports fabric from
Italy and lists her faults as "too smart
and too witty" twice breaks dates at the
last minute, then offers to buy me a

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162

drink in apology. Our date is unremark-
able. For most of it, I wonder whether
I'm staring at her overbite. When the
check comes, she doesn't make a move
to pay.

The search for love is exasperating,
time-consuming, exhausting and de-
pressing. Through persistence, my dat-
ing pace escalates to as many as three
per day. The details of these dates blur
together. At times, when I feel a connec-
tion with a beautiful girl, or make out
against a brick wall with someone I've
just met, excitement balances the dis-
tress of constant rejection. 1 have an af-
ternoon iced coffee with a blonde, pig-
tailed dominatrix who's planning a line
of exercise videos called Slavercise, with
submissives kissing her shoes while do-
ing push-ups. I share morning crepes
with a trim and elegant psychotherapist
who tells me about her est training and

mentions that she likes Ayn Rand's Foun-
tainkead only because “the sex scenes are
so hot.”

But mostly, I meet women for drinks.
The gabby founder of a beauty website
wears black pants and a ruffled open
blouse, with her deavage set on stun.
She downs three drinks in two hours
and starts to slur a little, so when she
says, “I'm ап 8 corp,” I think she’s said,
"I'm an escort." Em, a Southern belle
stockbroker who looks like a buttery ver-
sion of Juliana Margulies, meets me for
mojitos and recounts a legacy of bad on-
line dates: the doctor who lured her to
his apartment on the pretense of show-
ing her a great new club and cried when
she tried to leave; the guy who stormed
out of a bar after 30 minutes, convinced
she wasn't listening to him; and the in-
die film producer who begged to be her
slave and paid her $50 for each insulting

‘Aiming rockets at a terrorist does not constitute assassination,
dear lady, especially if we miss.”

e-mail she sent him. “Oh,” she adds as a
waitress brings our fifth round of moji-
tos, "I let him clean my bathroom, too."

I've been dating in New York. l've
seen rudeness, deceit, insanity, beauty,
desperation, passion and a lot of mi
skirts. Гүе dated a college junior the
after having drinks with a woman twice
her age. I've spent around $2000, met
only one woman who bought me a drink
and had half a dozen second dates.

It's inevitable that feelings get hurt.
The fiction editor, one of my favorite
dates, doesn't respond to my invitation
for a second date. More than a month
after my Daily Candy personal ad, 1 get
an angry e-mail lecture from a woman
whose note and photo I'd ignored. “The
women who write to you deserve more
respect. You provide them with a mini
fantasy and request their letters and
photos. The least you can do is write
them back and say, “No, thank you.” You
should know that your actions are rude."
Whether it's more rude to say directly, “I
don't find you attractive," or just signify
it through silence, I can't say Both mes-
sages have been delivered to me, at least
weekly since I began dating online, and
neither was pleasant.

At times, it seems every single person
in New York is dating online (and a lot of
the married oncs, too, at least on Nerve).
One night I'm out having a glass of wine
with Barbara, a dancer with a ready ex-
hibitionist streak and the tautest 42-year-
old body I've ever touched. We quickly
discover two coincidences: Her grandfa-
ther had my last name, and in college,
she had a one-night stand with onc of
my best friends from high school. “1
Googled you," I admit. “I Googled you,
too!” she answers. Soon, she's sitting in
my lap.

From the next table, a guy with sha
gy hair and glasses says, "Excuse me, did
I hear you say Matchmaker?” Amazingly,
he's also on a Matchmaker first date,
with a private investigator. We push our
tables together, and she amuses us with
the story of her only other online date,
with a Yale-educated lawyer who insisted
she pick him up at his apartment, then
announced, when they sat down in a
restaurant, "I'm a bit short on cash this
month. Can you get dinner?"

It was, she says with a shake of her
head and a hardy sip of her vodka tonic,
one of the worst nights of her life. It
made her want to leave Matchmaker.
But here she was, out on another date,
having a good time.

After a few more dr , I went home
with Barbara. And Lizzie went home
with her shaggy-haired date. Both cou-
ples seemed pretty content. Possibilities
had been planted. So how come the
shaggy-haired guy e-mailed Barbara the
next day and asked her out?

During the Vietnam war, 1965
Playmate of the Year Jo Collins made
headlines when she

There is no chorge la contact aperationploy

mate@ployboy.com, which provides active

duty military personnel with autographed

phatos. Clockwise fram top left: Jennifer,
Miriam, Shouna, Kim, Julie ond Dolene stond
proud. Kerisso solutes. Miriam with HM Bill
Breeding USN, Sergeont Amanda Magono
IN USMC ond Sergeant Jacob Avilo USMC.

an issue of PLAYBOY to a troop of U.S.
soldiers who had pooled their money
for a lifetime subscription. During the.
Gulf war, General Norman Schwarz-
kopf called the Playmates "true pauri-
ots" for participating in a letter-writ-
ing campaign to troops around the
world. Dubbed Operation Playmate,
the morale booster is back, with a

hand-delivered — į

technological twist. To participate in
Operation Playmate Online, active-
duty men and women should send
e-mail to operationplaymate

March 3: Miss July 1990
Jacqueline Sheen

March 10: Miss October 1985
Cynthia Brimhall

March 11: Miss May 1960
Ginger Young

March 15: Miss January 1974
Nancy Cameron

March 18: Miss April 1983
Christina Ferguson

ART ATTACK

гейге way to toke home o Playmate? Surf the Internet ond

scoop. up o pointing or fine-art print. We found some af the

Ciolini flying high. Cathy
St. George earns her
wings. Elke Jeinsen
goes goth, All three,
by artist Dave Nestler,
available on міс]
citystudios.com. Be-
low: Bronde Roderick

by ortist Olivio, ot
12-20arl.cam. Right
Tiffany Toyler, by Frank
na Sand by Wolter б

30 YEARS AGO THIS MONTH

Looking back at Miss March
1972 Ellen Michaels, we are re-
minded that sometimes all it
takes to turn us
on are tan lines.

There she was,

flowing dark hai

feathered bikini

bottom and that

tanned skin. She

had us smitten.

After her Play-

matc appearance,

Ellen hooked the

rest of the world

by appearing in

spots for Diet Pep-

si, Yamaha, Sony,

Kodak, Polaroid

and White Step

toothpaste. "Al-

though I haven't

entirely given up modeling," El-
len says, “I devote a great deal
of time to running a yolunteer
program for the blind.”

@playboy.com. In return, they will
receive an autographed electronic
photo from such Centerfolds as Jen-
nifer Walcott, Miriam Gonzalez, Shau-
na Sand, Kim Stanfield, Julie Cialini,
Dalene Kurtis and Kerissa Fare. “Play-
mates have asked what they might do
for America’s fighting men and wom-
en,” says Hef. “Bringing back Opera-

tion Playmate was obvious.”

right: Shau-

My favorite is Dorothy Strat-
ten because she had an angelic,
otherworldly beauty. Unfor-
tunately, Dorothy didn’t stay
with us long. I'm drawn to peo-
ple in pain, and I instinctively
knew that this woman E
was suffering. I felt the Y
connection.

You've seen Victoria Silvstedt in
print ads for the
Ultimate Fighting
|| Championship, but
; our 1997 PMOY
won't be throwing
down with the guys
any time soon. We
phoned her for
the ringside dirt.
Q: What was it like

watching a live

PLAYMATE NEWS

A: It was rough. There was blood ev-
erywhere. They were practically kill-
ing each other. It was entertaining,
but I was like, "Aaaaah!"

Q: For those of us who will never be
so lucky, what is it like to hang with
Carmen Electra?

A: Carmen is so nice. For the ads, the
UFC chose me, Carmen and Angeli-
ca Bridges—you know, blonde, bru-
nette and redhead. Carmen and I
signed posters for two hours. She's
really sweet.

Q: Tell us about
your forthcoming
flick, Boat Trip.

A; It's a comedy
with Cuba Good-

Q: How many
times have you
done that?

A: 1 stopped
counting after a
while. I need to
move on and do
roles vithout my accent

Q: How is married life?

A: So good. 1 try to make sure that
I'm home for at least one week ev-
ery month. I travel so much. It takes
work to keep a marriage together. It's
hard when I'm in Europe and he's
at home. I wake up in the morning,

Cotlighters.

hti ight? i А Б
Е Umate Figh? ала for him it's sleepy time. But don't Theodore. Ва Le
yas Victario's ad. worry—we're great. Angeles, which set out to do a

CAROL'S HALL OF FAME

As hast of The Corol
Vitole Show, Miss July 1974 often

ing Jr. I play In- +. Cheers
ga. I always play to “Jai me
Inga, the Swedish Bergman and
babe. Angel star Da-

It was Playmates versus pig-
skin when NBC broadcast a
two-part, 80-minute version of
Fear Factor during and after the

А Super Bowl. Lauren Hill,

Nicole Narain, Angel
Boris, Priscilla Taylor,
Julie Cialini and Sta-
су Sanches took on the
= show's slate of dares. . . .
Marilyn Monroe’s 1942
high school yearbook was auc-
tioned on eBay and got 41 bids.
The highest? $1500. . . . Speak-
ing of Marilyn, after relocating to
Los Angeles, Anna Nicole Smith
moved into a house that Mon-
тое once lived

vid Borean-
az, who were
hitched in
Palm Springs.
Their baby is
due in early
May. .. . Con-
gratulations to
new mom Carol
Bernaola, who

gave birth '
to an eight-
pound girl, Rhea
Bernaola Theodore. Dad is Mi-
ami nightclub impresario Tony

profile on Cara Michelle, ended
up doing an extensive pictorial,
The Los Angeles Theater, featuring
Cara, Elke Jeinsen and Miriam
Gonzalez. ... Nicole Wood owns
ashop in Haddonfield, New Jer-
sey called Nicole Wood Makeup
and Skin Studi - Who will be
the Weakest Link? Tune in to the
all-Playmate edition of the NBC
game show when (left to right)
Shanna Moakler, Daphnee Du-
plaix, Laura Cover, Julie Mc-
Cullough, Stephanie Heinrich,
Jennifer Walcott, Renee Tenison
and Anna-Marie Goddard battle
it out. Goodbyel

You are the Weakest Link.

chots up Hollywood royalty. She lent us
some photos from her collection. Clock-
wise from top left: Coral with Могу Tyler
Moore ot the Tholions Boll in Los Angeles.
Carol with Gory Busey ot one of Hef's por-
ties, ond Carol interviewing Jackie Chan ot
the Monsion. Tough gig, isn’t it?

МАУ МУ УУ УУУУ AAA VA VA VA VAVA VA MA

164

Served in fine establishments and questionable joints everywhere.

Your friends at Jack Danicl’sremindyoutod
JACKDANTEL'S and OLD NŐ! jred trademarks Sf

ү»

“ /

= y
era [A Aoi.
Xt + X
It's Playboy's exclusive peek into the private lives of today's most desirable
adult film stars. You'll be enticed and titillated to the core as we fix our lens on
Tera Patrick, Nicole Sheridan, Monica Mendez, Kim Chambers and Renee LaRue.

Premieres February 5 at 10рт ЕТ & PT with replays on February 7, 11, 13, 16, 20, 25

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ГТО Y

on the

Scene

WHAT'S HAPPENING, WHERE IT’S HAPPENING AND WHO'S MAKING IT HAPPEN

he curator of the Guggenheim Museum's Art of the Motor

cycle exhibit has a theory about the evolution of American

bikes (i.e., cruisers) and European bikes (cafe racers): The

two breeds can be explained as the difference between the
Western saddle and the so-called English saddle. Harleys and In-
dians were based on the wide-open-spaces mystique of the cow-
boy. Triumphs, Ducatis, MVs and the like were almost equestrian,
steered with the knees, built for tight roads. The new crop of pow-
er cruisers is built for the long run, invoking images of Captain
America and Billy riding cross-country.
They offer the tongue-lolling, paws-up
easy-riding style that is as close as most
adult males can get to rolling over and
begging for their bellies to be scratched

Clockwise from top left:
evokes choppers of the pa:

MUSCLE BIKES

(In other words, this is how we pursue pleasure. Only with these
bikes are we likely to catch it.) What's new? Power. Gobs of it. Last
year Honda raised the performance bar with the 1800сс VTX. Тһе
world responded. Designers borrowed technologies from sport
bikes, tweaked engines and suspensions, kept the chrome and
thunder irom the cruiser legend and—voila! These bikes exude at-
titude. They start conversations and finish them. Smoke the tire
on one of these beasts, and the blonde waitress in the crowd of on-
lookers will say, “Do that again.” These motorcycles travel at the

speed of a glance, even when they're stand-
ing still. Got yours? JAMES R. PETERSEN

mph celebrated its 100th anniversary by launching the classy Bonneville America ($7999). The neatly raked front
: the thoroughly modern vertical twin 790cc puts out 61 horsepower. Ready to rumble? The Yamaha Road Star War-

rior ($11,999) has balls. A fuel-injected 102-cubic-inch pushrod twin delivers 80 hp to the fattest tire in the business. Smoke it. The Kawasaki
Vulcan 1500 Mean Streak ($10,999) features a liquid-cooled V twin that delivers 64.3 hp and dual disc brakes borrowed from the ZX-9R. Harley-
Davidson's visionary V-Rod ($16,695) has a liquid-cooled 1130cc V twin (designed with Porsche) that pumps out 115 hp. Guaranteed wheel spi

PHOTOGRAPHY BY RICHARD ZUI

ШеЕйсцреуігпе

Branch
Out
MICHELLE BRANCH
calls her recent
success “а love sto-
ry between me and
music.” The proof
of that is on her de-
but CD, The Spirit
Room, and hit sin-
gle Everywhere.

contests, done
stunts ой Вау
watch Hawaii
“and wasfea-
tured en
Blue and Fanta-
sy Island. We tip
‘our hat to her,

See Hu

KELLY HU played Michelle Chan on Nash Bridges for a cou-
ple of years. Look for her soon as Cassandra in The Scorpi-
on King with Oscar nominee Michael Clarke Duncan.

Suit Salute

Foxy EBONY EVE has strutted her stuff on the runways at
New York fashion shows, appeared in Black Men's swim-
suit edition and was photographed for us by a former
Grapevine babe.

Different Strokes for
Different Folks

The STROKES are stoked. The critics are all
over their debut CD, Is This It—and we're with
them. The stripped-down sound is about right
for these times.

Best Breast

Remember TERRY FARRELL from Star
Trek: Deep Space Nine? These days,
she annoys Ted Danson every week
on Becker, but not in this sexy outlit.

Motpourri

POLYGAMY'S BREWING

Where else but in Utah would somebody brew
a beer and name it Polygamy Porter? You bet
Mormons were upset, but that didn't stop the
Wasatch Brew Pub on Park City's Main Street
from marketing the beer with a suggestive la-
bel, “Why have just one!” A 12-pack in Utah
costs $12.75. It's also sold in bars and restau
rants. Go to utahbeers.com for information on
ordering out of state. As the neck label on a
bottle says, “Bring some home for the wives.”

LINK WITH A LINK

A halyard-bearing yeoman is recognized
around the world as the symbol for Beefeater
gin. Now you can wear the famous fellow on
your wrists, in the form of sterling-silver cuff
links. The pair, available in a limited edition,
costs $135—including a wooden storage box
Links of London created the cuff links for
the UK With NY fashion festival last fall. C;
800-210-0079 to order.

= NM Vec Qd

CASTING CALL

Years ago, Cynthia Plaster
Caster immortalized rock
stars’ schlongs in plaster of
paris. (We wonder if she
did all her own fluffing,
too.) Now Good Vibra
tionsin San Francisco is
selling a Make Your Own
Dildo kit that includes
everything you need to
replicate in silicone an
erect penis. Perfect for the
} girlfriend when you're out
of town. Price: $115 (each
kit makes two dildos),
including peach- or choco-
late-colored tinting, from
800-BUY-VIBE or go to
goodvibes.com. Word to
the wise: Casting can be
tricky. Read the directions
and lubricate liberally with
Vaseline, or you may not
be able to extract your

willy from the mold.

this $45 coffee-table book captur:

STIRLING ENDEAVOR

hated to lose. According to Robert Edwards, author
he Authorised Biography, his win-to-races-run ra-

tio “was proportionally higher than any other driver, ever.” But

there's much more to Moss than just his skill behind the wheel, as

in anecdotes and hundreds of

photos, many black and white. (Above, he's pictured іп а Walker-
Cooper.) As achild he was tormented at school, which could ac-
count for his fierce competitiveness on the track. A ne:

crash in 1962 ended Moss’ racing career but not the fun, as pic-
tures at the London Playboy Club attest. In 2000 he was awarded
aknighthood. Sterling Publishing is the U.S. distributor. Call
them at 800-805-5489 to order a copy or check bookstor

TOYING WITH BOND

James Bond may never die—but he has
gotten smaller. Corgi Classics, the scale
model collectibles company, continues to
add to its Definitive Bond Collection with
the most ambitious offering yet—the
BMW 28 and diorama from The World

Is Not Enough ($44). The action figure of
Pierce Brosnan as James Bond is $20.
More new Bonds will be introduced later
this year. Go to corgiclassics.com to order.

LOVE FOR SALE

With details of “The Essentials of the Lin-
gerie Cabinet” and “Exercises to Boost
Sexual Stamina,” Seduction by Snow
Raven Starborn is a boudoir book for her
side of the bed. Love poems, recipes,
body oils and what to serve the morning
after are just some of the hot topics cov-
ered. There's even a guide to astrological
compatibility. Price: $16.95. Sourcebooks
is the publisher. Check bookstores.

WE LIKE A MYSTERY

Edgar Allan Poe created one of
the first detective stories. Then
came Arthur Conan Doyle,
Dashiell Hammett, Agatha
Christie, Mickey Spillane and
hundreds of other whodunit au-
thors with creations as disparate
as Sherlock Holmes and Mike
Hammer. Max Allan Collins, who
scripted the comic strip Dick
Tracy from 1977 to 1993, chroni-
cles the evolution of the genre in
The History of Mystery—a hand-
some $45 tome with more than
375 illustrations, ranging from
pulp fiction to comic strips. Call
Collectors Press at 800-423-1848.

NEW DOG, NEW TRICKS

Tiger Electronics’ i-Cybie isn't the high-priced robotic doggy you've
seen at the electronics store. He's a $200 remote-controlled ca-
nine with 16 computer-smart motors that enable ,

him to walk, sit, stand, lift a leg and shake a paw. 4

He also reacts to sound, light, touch and

physical surroundings. Play with i-Cybie

and he's happy. Ignore him and he be-

comes sad. Call 800-844-3733 for infor-

mation on o

a kennel

near you.

For 21 years, sports hypnothera-
pist Peter Siegel has motivated
professional athletes and body-
building champions to excel.
Now he has created a can-do kit,
Stayin’ on Track, that consists of
a manual titled The 12 Ways to
Stay Motivated in Your Workouts
and a cassette or CD (Cultivating
High Powered, Mega-Result Pro-
ducing Workout Motivation). 1£
Siegel's book and audio ad-

vice don't get you back to
pumping iron, doing push-
upsor riding an exercise bike,
nothing short of a cattle prod
will. Price: $64.95 for the book
and cassette, $69.95 for the book
and CD, from PowerMind at D
310-280-3269.

LOOK INTO MY EYES ~
=

BNext Month

172

TIFFANY

SPECIAL MUSIC ISSUE-—TUNE IN AND CRANK IT UP OUR
ANNUAL TRIBUTE TO EVERYTHING THAT ROCKS INCLUDES
POLL RESULTS (COULD A GROUP WIN THE HALL OF FAME IN-
DUCTION?), MUSIC BUZZ BY ALT-COUNTRY COOL GUY RYAN
ADAMS AND A NASTY CHAT WITH PRINCESS SUPERSTAR.
AND THEN THERE'S

TIFFANY—THE SINGING MOLL OF THE MALL AND FORMER
TEEN IDOL (REMEMBER / THINK WE'RE ALONE NOW?) IS ALL
(GROWN UP AND TOTALLY NUDE. ADMIT IT—YOU HAD HER REC-
ORDS AND YOU'VE BEEN WAITING

LENNOX LEWIS—THE GENTLEMAN CHAMP CUTS LOOSE ON
MIKE TYSON, DON KING, SEX AND HOW IT FEELS TO KNOCK A
MAN OUT (AND GET KNOCKED OUT). A HARD-HITTING INTER-
VIEW BY KEVIN COOK

SPRING BREAK—WHO LET THE COLLEGE GIRLS OUT? WE
HIT THE BEACHES TO FIND THE COUNTRY’S WILDEST COEDS.
DON'T TAX YOUR BRAIN—IT'S ALL THONGS, SUN, SAND, PAR-
TIES, BEER AND PLENTY OF FLASHING

GET BOLD—SHE'S 22 AND GORGEOUS, WITH MORE LEG
THAN A BUCKET OF CHICKEN. YOU'RE 35 AND NOT NEARLY AS
PRETTY AS SHREK. FRET NOT—COREY LEVITAN REVEALS.
THE SECRETS OF DATING UP

NUMBER TWO WITH A BULLET—IN GOODFELLAS HE GETS
WHACKED BY JOE PESCI. ON THE SOPRANOS НЕ WHACKS FOR
UNCLE TONY. MEET MICHAEL IMPERIOLI, THE IMPETUOUS

SPRING BREAK

GUY BEHIND THE WISEGUY. PLAYBOY PROFILE BY KEVIN
COOK. READ IT OR ELSE

SARAH SILVERMAN—COMEDY'S SEXIEST SMARTASS ON
HER VAGINA OBSESSION, THE MISSING NAKED PHOTOS
FROM HER PAST AND THE FLAP SHE CAUSED ON LATE NIGHT
WITH CONAN O'BRIEN. 200 BY WARREN KALBACKER

PRISON BOXING—IN LOUISIANA THE BEST-BEHAVED IN
MATES EARN ACCESS TO THE WEIGHT ROOM AND BOXING
RING FOR INTENSE THREE-ROUND FIGHTS. ONE BOXER EVEN
EMERGES AS A PRO. ARTICLE BY MICHAEL KAPLAN

PINKY—ON SEPTEMBER 11 ABEL GETS AN ERRANT MESSAGE
FROM A MAN DYING IN THE WORLD TRADE CENTER, INTEND-
ED FOR THE MAN'S LOVER. TRACKING DOWN PINKY CAUSES
ABEL'S LIFE TO UNRAVEL. FICTION BY WALTER MOSLEY

ARE YOU A SEX GOD?—THE QUIZ—SURE, YOU'VE BEEN
TOLD YOU ARE THE WORLD'S BEST LOVER. BUT WAS SHE LY-
ING? TAKE OUR FOOLPROOF TEST BY WILL LEE

CATCHING Z'S—THE ORIGINAL NISSAN Z WAS DISCONTIN-
UED IN 1996 BECAUSE IT WAS TOO EXPENSIVE TO PRCDUCE.
GET READY FOR ITS RETURN—UNDER $30,000 AND UP
AGAINST THE PORSCHE BOXSTER. VROOM

PLUS: BODY SHOTS, THE PLAYBOY BUNKER—LIVE IT UP IN
HARD TIMES, AND MISS APRIL HEATHER CAROLIN

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