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WHEN LIFE hands you lemons, make lemonade. Millions of 
women dream of being in PLAYBOY but never act on that desire. 
Sometimes it takes the prodding of a friend or praise from a 
photographer or, say, the largest bankruptcy in America to 
bring them to us, and us to them. And now, after thousands of 
colunin inches and news reports heralding our latest project, 
we are proud to present our Women of Enron pictorial, pho- 
tographed by Gen Nishino. Who knew a negative balance sheet 
could generate such tantalizing figures? 

No disrespect to Tom Hanks, Mel Gibson or Tom Cruise, 
but since the success of Star Wars 25 years ago, no one has had 
a longer, better run than Harrison Ford. He's done serial block- 
busters (Indiana Jones), cult movies (Blade Runner), romances 
(Sabrina) and exercises in existentialism (The Mosquito Coast). 
This month, on the eve of the release of his new project, K-19: 
The Widowmaker, we deliver a forceful Playboy Interview with 
Ford by Michael Fleming. It’s a comprehensive lesson in movie- 
making and on being a man. 

They re known in Los Angeles as the whore wars. After Hei- 
di Fleiss was jailed, her lucrative turf was taken over by Ukrai- 
nian callgiris and their ruthless Russian handlers. As told by 
William Stadiem in L.A. Hookers. Russian Gangsters. Sex and Death 
(illustrated by Ashley Wood), the sex business became a Holly- 
wood murder mystery all about ambitious hookers, brutal 
madams and the search for a man known as Boxer. When it T LEVITAN 
comes to boys who can't say no, look no farther than our man 
Corey Levitan. We slapped him with his toughest assignment to 
date: one nonstop week of hitting on every attractive woman 
he meets. Secrets of a Round-the-Clock Pickup Artist (artwork by 
Pat Andreo), Levitan's account of his experiences, proves that a 
devil-may-care attitude is the key to getting laid. Speaking of 
getting lucky, it's hard to imagine a turn of fortune better than 
that of Kentuckian David Edwards. An ex-con with a bad 
back, bad credit and a history of bad choices, Edwards strolled 
into a Pump 'n Shop one night last year and learned he'd won 
the $28 million lottery. In Jackpot, by Paige Williams, predesti- 
nation gets a kick in the ass. 

Quaker? We hardly know her. But any man who fancies 
himself a connoisseur can at a moment's notice summon up 
the image of a nude Amanda Peet squeezing off a few rounds in 
The Whole Nine Yards. Now, for Peet's sake, the important stuff. 
When will you see her again? In /gby Goes Down (and in two 
other movies this year). Why can't you get enough? As Robert 
Crane explains in this month's 20Q, it’s because of comments 
like this: “Js it possible to be topless and maintain firearm safety? Yes, 
it is. I came out unscathed. No discharges—from my gun any- 
way.” After that gets your adrenaline pumping, read James R. 
Petersen's review of ludicrously swift bikes, A Fistful of Fast. He 
chronicles seven amazing rides built to satisfy the speed freaks 
in the 150-mile-an-hour club. No wonder we're all under sur- 
veillance. Security cameras are everywhere. Being Watched 
24:7 by Mark Boal is a snapshot of where we stand in Big 
Brother's public eyes. Peter and Maria Hoey created the art. For 
a lesson in Russian surveillance, turn to this month’s story, A 
Day in the Country by John Weisman. 

‘These days, power drinks are to nightlife what three marti- 
nis once were to lunch. In Catching a Buzz, Richard Carleton 
Hacker goes way beyond Red Bull and vodka with recipes for 
a new age. We offer our own boost—the Tenison Twins pictori- 
al, shot by Stephen Wayda. Reneé, the 1990 PMOY, is back for an 
encore—and she brought along her sister, Rosie. They went to 
Havana and all we got was a Cuban sandwich. 


FLEMING 


WILLIAMS E PETERSEN 


HOEY 


North Lake Shore Drive icago, Ilinois 60611. Periodicals postage =: a 
Publications Mail Sales Product Agreement No. 40035534. [у кен in the . 
layboy, PO. Box 2007, Harlan, Iowa 51537-4007. For subscription-related questions, e-mail circ@ny.playboy.com. Editorial edi Opis boy com. 3 


FEATURES THE RETURN OF THE BORG IN 
THE SEASON-ENDING CLIFFHANGER 
"THE BEST OF BOTH WORLDS.” 


THE COMPLETE THIRD SEASON AVAILABLE FOR 
THE FIRST TIME ON DVD. PRESENTED IN 5.1 SURROUND SOUND AND 
FEATURING NEW, NEVER BEFORE SEEN BONUS FEATURES. 


Available at 


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SEASON 3 BEAMING DOWN ОМ DVD JULY 2, 2002 


LOOK FOR SEASONS 1 AND 2 ALREADY AVAILABLE ON DVD. FUTURE RELEASES OF SEASONS 4 THROUGH 7 AVAILABLE LATER THIS YEAR! 


Date a nd bonus features subject to change meto noce STAR TREK" and STAA TREK: THE NEXT GENERATION 
- and related mana sf Paramount Pictures. AI RightsReserved. TM. ®, А Сорук © 2002 by Paramount Pcures АЛ Rights Reserved. 
VIDEO wu paramount com/omevdeo 


R 


vol. 49, no. 8—august 2002 


PLAYBOY 


features 
66 L.A. HOOKERS. RUSSIAN GANGSTERS. SEX AND DEATH. 
Peddling high-class sex in Los Angeles is a guaranteed road to riches. No wonder 
the Russian heavies who sell it get possessive about their Ukrainian women. You 
might even say homicidal. BY WILLIAM STADIEM 
76 BEING WATCHED 24:7 
Used lo be cameras just peeped out from ATMs. Now they're everywhere. Should you 
euen be reading this? BY MARK BOAL 
84 CSE: CRIME SCENE ENRON 
The investigators from CSI tackle their toughest case yet: how the energy giant went 
kaput. WRITTEN BY DANIEL RADOSH 
104 SECRETS OF A ROUND-THE-CLOCK PICKUP ARTIST 
It doesn't take a league-leading batting average to score with hot chicks. It just takes 
a lot of at bats. And a lot of balls. BY COREY LEVITAN 
109 CENTERFOLDS ON SEX: ANGELA LITTLE 
To take her breath away, you have to be bold. This ex-cheerleader likes a man 
who knows what to do. 
110 JACKPOT! 
Luck in the lottery isn't supposed to be a litmus test for character. David Edwards, 
a twice-divorced ex-felon living in east Kentucky, won $28 million. A funny thing 
happened when he got rich. BY PAIGE WILLIAMS 
112 20Q AMANDA PEET 
The beautiful, self-assured star of Jack and Jill, High Crimes and Saving Silver- 
man talks about light spirals, short burps and nude shooting. BY ROBERT CRANE 
fiction 
86 =A DAY IN THE COUNTRY 
An American agent in Moscow finds the spy game every bit as tricky as it was 
during the Cold War. Tricky and deadly. BY JOHN WEISMAN 
interview 
59 HARRISON FORD 


Harrison Ford's appeal extends way beyond Indiana Jones, Han Solo and Jack 
Ryan. Think about it: In his 40s he began motorcycling. In his 50s he learned to 
fly. And now, at the age of 60, he warns he can still kick Sean Connerys ass. 

BY MICHAEL FLEMING 


cover story 
The Enron scondal is oll obout the numbers— 
what they were, who knew them ond where ore 
they now. We believe the public should be oble 
to see for itself—except you don't hove to be 
on occountont to check these figures. After 
oll, we've olwoys odvocoted full disclosure. 
Our Robbit is tongue-tied 


vol. 49, no. 8—august 2002 


L CN" 
contents continued 
pictorials 
70 TENISON TWINS 41 MANTRACK 
We cloned a Playmate of the Year! qg THE PLAYBOY ADVISOR 
A double treat in Cuba. 
102 PARTY JOKES 
90 PLAYMATE: 
CHRISTINA SANTIAGO 149 WHERE AND HOW TO BUY 
A finalist on Fox" Search for a 159 ON THE SCENE 
Playboy Centerfold, she likes 160 GRAPEVINE 
karaoke on a first dale. Sing it 162  POTPOURRI 
118 WOMEN OF ENRON 
We had only one condition: no 
hidden assets. They complied. lifestyle 
30 FASHION: RUNWAY 
notes and news RUNDOWN 
m Great news: Designers are think- 
11 THE SPIRIT OF '76 ing classic. Now put on your hat. 
Snoop and Drew Barrymore help BY JOSEPH DE ACETIS 
Hef party on his birthday. 
RIED 106 А FISTFUL OF FAST 
12 HEF'S BASH II Seven motorcycles smash all 
The Lakers and Fox’ Girl Next preconceptions of speed. 
Door finalists party on. BY JAMES R. PETERSEN 
49 THE РІДҮВОҮ FORUM 114 CATCHING A BUZZ 
Arming America Revisited, witness New cocktails with energy-drink 
10 an execution, hookers talk. kicks. Get ready to party 
155 PLAYMATE NEWS BY RICHARD CARLETON HACKER 
Robin Givens, Playmates and 
pooches, Rebekka Armstrong. Е 
reviews 
25 MOVIES 
departments The great Neuman and Eastwood, 
3 PLAYBILL Emily Mortimer kichs butt. 
15 DEAR PLAYBOY 28 VIDEO 
19 AFTER HOURS Breast in show—the essential guide, 
a fascinating Tokyo Olympiad. 
32 WIRED 
30 MUSIC 
= ANS ONLNE The Soundtrack of Our Lives, 
36 PLAYBOY TV Ash and Laub. 
37 PLAYBOY.COM 34 BOOKS 
38 MEN Walter Mosley, great erotica. 


PRINTED IN USA, 


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PLAYBOY 


HUGH M. HEFNER 
editor-in-chief 


ARTHUR KRETCHMER editorial director 
JONATHAN BLACK managing editor 
TOM STAEBLER art director 


GARY CO! 


photography director 
JOHN REZEK associate managing editor. 
KEVIN BUCKLEY, STEPHEN RANDALL executive editors 
LEOPOLD FROEHLICH assistant managing editor 


EDITORIAL 
FORUM: JAMES R. PETERSEN senior staff writer; CHIP ROWE associate editor: PATTY LAMBERTI editorial 
assistant; MODERN LIVING: DAVID STEVENS editor; JASON BUHRMESTER associate edilor; DAN HENLEY 


administrative assistant; STAFF. CHRISTOPHER NAPOLITANO senior editor; BARBARA NELLIS. ALISON 


PRATO associate editors; ROBERT B. DESALVO assistant editor; TIMOTHY MOHR junior editor; LINDA 


FEIDELSON. HELEN FRANGOULIS, HEATHER НАЕВЕ, CAROL KUBALEK, MALINA LEE. HARRIET PEASE, OLGA 
STAVROPOULOS editorial assistants; CARTOONS: MICHELLE URRY edilor; JENNIFER THIELE assistant; 
COPY: BRETT HUSTON associale editor: ANAHEED ALANI, ANNE SHERMAN assistant editors; REMA 


SMITH senior researcher; GEORGE HODAK, BARI NASH, KRISTEN SWANN researchers; MARK DURAN 


research librarian; TIM GALVIN. JOAN MCLAUGHLIN proofreaders; BRYAN BRAUER assistant; 
CONTRIBUTING 


EDGREN. LAWRENCE GROREL, KEN CROSS. WARREN KALBACKER, D. KEITH MANO. JOE MORGENSTERN, 


EDITORS: ASA BABER. JOSEPH DE ACETIS (FASHION). JOE DOLCE, GRETCHEN 


DAVID RENSIN, DAVID SHEFF 


ART 
SCOTT ANDERSON, BRUCE HANSEN, CHET SUSKI, LEN WILLIS senior art directors; ROB WILSON assistant 
ari director; PAUL CHAN senior art assistant; JOANNA METZGER arl assistant; CORTEZ WELLS art 
services coordinator; LORI PAIGE SELDEN senior art administrator 


PHOTOGRAPHY 
MARILYN GRABOWSKI west coast edilor; JIN LARSON managing editor; KEVIN KUSTER, STEPHANIE MORRIS 
senior editors; PATTY BEAUDET-FRAKCES associate edilor; RENAY LARSON assistant edilor; ARSY FREYTAG 
RICHARD 1201, DAVID MECEY, BYRON NEWMAN. POMPEO POSAR, STEPHEN WAYDA contributing 
photographers; GEORGE GEORGIOU staff photographer; вил. warre studio manager 
los angeles; ELIZABETH GEORGIOU manager, photo library; ANDREA BRICKMAN, 
PENNY EKKERT, GISELA ROSE production coordinators 


JAMES N. DIMONERAS publisher 


PRODU 


MARIA MANDIS director; RITA JOHNSON manager; JODY JURCETO. CINDY FONTARELLI, RICHARD 


ION 


QUARTAROLI. DEBBIE TILLOU associate managers; JOE САМЕ, BARB TEKIELA fypesellers; BILL BENWAY 


SIMNIE WILLIAMS prepress; CHAR KROWCZVK assistant 


CIRCULATION 
LARRY A. DJERF newsstand sales director; PHYLLIS ROTUNNO subscription circulation director 


ADVERTISING 
JEFF RIMMEL eastern advertising director; JOE HOFFER midwest sales manager; HELEN BIANCULLI direct 
response manager; LISA NATALE marketing director; SUE IGOE event marketing director; JULIA LICHT 
marketing services director; 


DONNA TAVOSO creative services director; MARIE FIRNENO advertising 

business manager; KARA SARISKY advertising coordinator; NEW YORK: ELISABETH AULEPE LORI 

BLINDER, VICTORIA HAMILTON, SUE JAFFE, JOHN LUMPKIN; CALIFORNIA: DENISE SCHIPPER. COREY 
SPIEGEL; CHICAGO: WADE BAXTER; ATLANTA; DILL. BENTZ. SARAH HUEY. GREG MADDOCK 


READER SERVICE 
MIKE OSTROWSKI, LINDA STROM correspondents 


ADMINISTRATIVE 


MARCIA TERRONES rights & permissions director 


PLAYBOY ENTERPRISES INTERNATION 
CHRISTIE HEFNER chairman, chief executive officer 


MICHAEL. T CARR president, publishing division 


Advertisement 


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Prior to his 76th birthday, Hef was named “The 

Harvard Lampoon's Best Life-Form in the His- 

tory of the Universe.” Then he hosted a lin- 

gerie-or-less birthday bash. (1) Tiffany and 

Holly with an oversize card. (2) Hef being hon- 

ored by Lampoon. (3) Melissa Rivers and Jamie 

Riese. (4) Snoop Dogg and Bishop Don Magic 

Juan with Jennifer Garcia, Tanya Askari and 

Roxanne Galla. (5) The Van Patten clan, Ga- 

vin Rossdale, Kylie Bax and Sean Walsh. (6) 

Matthew Perry and Suzanne Le. (7) Freddie 

Mitchell with Steve Bing. (8) Drew Barrymore. 

(9) Real World kids Keri, Beth, Teck and Flora. 
| (10) Julie McCullough, Judd Nelson, Sher- 

rie Rose and Shanna Moakler. (11) Michael 

Bay and Lisa Dergan. (12) 

Craig Kilborn and his writ- 

er Mike Gibbons. (13) Dame 

Edna (Barry Humphries) 

out of costume with An- 

gelie Almendare and Ali- 

son Fifer. (14) Jon Lovitz. 

(15) Kylie with Sean. (16) 

"The Tenison twins. 


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"2002 PLAYBOYCOM МОО WHERE PROHIBITED BY LAW 


Dear Playboy 


680 NORTH LAKE SHORE DRIVE 
‘CHICAGO, ILLINOIS 60611 
E-MAIL DEARPE@PLAYBOLCOM 


TOM BOMB 
A thousand thanks, млувоу, for con- 
vincing Kiana Tom (May) to pose nude. 
I've fantasized about her since I was in 
high school. 
Jed King 
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania 


1 had never believed that a beautiful 
woman scantily clad is more erotic ıhan 
one totally nude—that is, until Kiana 
Tom. Her nude photos are magnificent, 
but her cover shot got me hard in less 
than six seconds—as promised in your 
cover line. 

Don Helms 
Monroe, North Carolina 


For the first time ever, I had some dif- 
ficulty opening my млувоу. The Kiana 


Тол wales ЧАЯ 


cover was simply t00 good to turn over. 
Hands down, she is the most beautiful 
woman on television. 
Pete Curlot 
Chicago, Illinois 


Kiana is the perfect balance of beauty, 
fitness and strength. 
Monique Addison 
Jacksonville, Florida 


"They say that you come into this world 
with nothing and leave the same way. 1 
have just updated my will to take the Ki- 
ana cover with me. 

Warren Kenefick 
Big Canoe, Georgia 


T've wanted to see Kiana without her 
workout suit since 1 saw her on Body 
Shaping and then on her own ESPN2 
shows. Thank you for making my dream 
come true. 

Alan Lester 
Bay Point, California 


Kiana lom was what God envisioned 
when he created Eve. 
Glenn Brackett 
Snellville, Georgia 


O'REILLY RILES ‘EM 
Bill O'Reilly (Playboy Interview, May) is 

to the world of news what Jerry Springer 

is to the world of talk shows. It won't be 

long before the public tires of his freak 

show. I hope he's saving his money, be- 

cause his 15 minutes are running out. 
Fred Purchis 
Birmingham, Alabama 


Screw anyone who dislikes Bill O'Reil- 
ly. It's about time someone has the balls 
to tell America what is wrong with our 
leaders. 

Angela Garrett 
Cherokee, Oklahoma 


Over the years, network anchors have 
become automatons. Even Larry King 


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PLAYBO 


pales in comparison the intrepid 
O'Reilly, who brings viewers fresh opin- 
ions and thought-provoking ideas. 
Lanny Middings 
San Ramon, California 


John Ashcroft doesn't return O'Reil- 
ly’s calls, and he leaves it at that, but Hil- 
lary Clinton doesn't return his calls, and 


Brave patriots. 


she "basically gave us the finger.” O'Reil- 
ly is like the WWF—short on substance, 
long on entertainment. 

Douglas Hall 

Los Angeles, California 


Bill O'Reilly is the man to watch, and 
as much as David Sheff tried, he couldn't 
tag him on the conservative/liberal stick- 
er. O'Reilly is one of the few people in 
the news media I trust. Thanks for hav- 
ing the guts to interview him. 

Robb Whitley 
Charlotte, North Carolina 


NOT YOUR RUN OF THE MILLA 
Milla Jovovich (20Q, May) is awesome. 
But please ask her one more question— 
when will she do a PLAYBOY pictorial? 
Ray Works 
San Angelo, Texas 


POKER FACE 
My four best buddies and 1 planned 
2 poker game recently. Here's the low- 
down: Telly fake-yawns when he has a 
good hand, Vinny rubs his chin, Spanky 
taps the coins and Paul is а stacker—all 
sure signs to make me money. Thanks 
for your tips (The Art of the Tell, May). 
Rick Henriksen 
West Warwick, Rhode Island 


AMERICAN HEROES 

I'm a black American who served in 
the armed forces during the Vietnam 
war. I enjoyed reading Black Valor (May), 
but the key point of the article—that we 


16 should acknowledge contributions that 


preserve our way of life regardless of an 
individual's race or color—was buried in 
the last few paragraphs. 
Lee Watson 
Mableton, Georgia 


I have no quarrel with the fact that 
blacks have served this great nation with 
considerable distinction. But I take issue 
with the notion that whites are the only 
bigots in the American military. 1 served 
with the 82nd and 101st Airborne 
sions and the 10th Special Forces, and as 
I see it, Gail Buckley is playing to the gal- 
lery with her revisionist views. 

Tom Wesley 
Odessa, Texas 


African Americans were the prime tar- 
get of discrimination in the military be- 
fore and during World War II, but in 
an otherwise excellent article, Buckley 
doesn't point out that blacks were not 
the only victims. The small number of 
Asians and Latinos who made it through 
the Army Air Corps’ flight schools were 
dispersed to units where we became in- 
lc in the tight-knit fraternity of Cau- 
casian pilots. Black servicemen, at least, 
found unity in numbers and became a 
force to be reckoned with on the ground 
and in the air. 

Hank Cervantes 
Lieutenant Colonel USAF, Ret. 
Marina Del Rey, California 


I'm an African American former U.S. 
naval officer and a lifelong PLAYBOY 
subscriber. Black Valo: a 
well-thought-out, well-written 
article about the significant 
contributions minorities have 
made to the U.S. and its mili- 
tary. Thank you. 

Ron Baisden 
Portsmouth, 
New Hampshire 


1 WANT MY MTV 
When I found out that Flo- 

ra, Beth, Jisela and Veronica 
(Real Nude in the Real World, 
May) were going to appear in 
PLAYBOY, I couldn't wait to see 
their pictorial. I've lusted after 
Flora Alekseyeva since I saw her on The 
Real World Miami. 

Ken Kasten 

Myrtle Beach, South Carolina 


Beth Stolarczyk may have been one of 
the least popular people on the show, 
but I enjoyed her brashness, intelligence 
and sense of humor. 

Brian Brossard 
Atlanta, Georgia 


I counted the days to see Flora the 
hottie only to be disappointed with just 
one nude photo of her. 

Jim Fish 
Detroit, Michigan 


CHEAT SHEET 
Asa Baber claims in his May Men col- 
umn that women are undoubtedly cheat- 
ed on more than men are. I disagree. It 
takes two people to commit infidelity 
and, more often than not, women know 
damn well when the guy hasa girlfriend. 
Baber is a traditionalist in his views. 
When will he realize that women's brains 
are just as much in their clits as ours are 
in our cocks? 
Andrew MacEwen 
Oakland Gardens, New York 


LIAR, LIAR, PANTS ON FIRE 
Al Gore should have been at the top of 

your Liars Hall of Fame list (May). The 
former vice president boasted that he in- 
vented the Internet, claimed Love Story 
was about him and also declared that he 
had fought against the evils of tobacco all 
his life. Yet he had once stated, before a 
group of tobacco people, that as a young 
man, he planted, harvested, cured and 
sold tobacco. At least he didn't say he 
never inhaled. 

Speed Riggs 

Winnemucca, Nevada 


CHRISTI SHAKES THINGS UP 
1t never fails that there's at least one 
letter of praise in Dear Playboy about the 
Playmate of the Month. The funny thing 
is, Ud always thought I was immune to 
this—until [ saw Miss May, Christi Shake 
(Shake, Rattle, Roll). 
James Lautier 
Windsor, Connecticut 


Smooth Shoke. 


In the words of that immortal Elvis 
tune, I'm All Shook Up. 
Lex Fernandez 
Fort Lauderdale, Florida 


I was so glad to see that Miss May hails 
from Baltimore. First the Ravens win the 
Super Bowl, next we get a heavyweight 
champion, and then we win the NCAA 
basketball championship. Now all we 
need is to make sure that Christi Shake 
becomes Playmate of the Year. She defi- 
nitely gets my vote. 

Jim Moore 
‘Abingdon, Maryland 


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A GUY'S GUIDE TO WHAT'S HIP AND WHAT'S HAPPENING 


TWELVE-SCHTUP PROGRAM 


Concerned that you may like sex too 
much or want it too often? We didn't 
think so, but an outfit called the Com- 
munity Addiction Management Pro- 
gram apparently is worried. Its website 
offers a Sexual Addiction Screening Test 
to help "identify men with sexually ad- 
dictive disorders." Of the 25 questions 
on sexual behavior, most are only slight- 
ly more incriminating than "Is your 
heart beating?" To wit: "Do you often 
find yourself preoccupied with sexual 
thoughts?” and “Has sex been a way for 
you to escape your problems?" (Yes, par- 
ticularly when our problem is extreme 
horniness.) Frankly, if you can't answer 


Thanks to a new sneaker by Filo, 
you can honestly tell the wide-eyed 
beauty at the bar, “I have a Ferrari 
In fact, | have two.” Designed in 
classic Formula One team colors, 


the sneakers are part of a 
line of dothing. So if you 
handle your curves prop- 
erly, you may find your- 
self being waved into 

a welcome pit stop. 


y 


EX 


Photographer Robert Farber ee in anderes, flower studies and 


TEAS! 


EE TET 


nudes. His baok Natural Beauty (Merrell) is full of striking images like this 
one of women in full stretch (above). We pa 


icularly like a series that shows 


a woman in an overcoat removing her panties in a forest. His pictures are 
meant, we are told, to produce a feeling of silence. But if panties fall in the 
forest and no one photographs them, do they still make a sound? You bet. 


yes to “Have you ever had sex with 
someone just because you were 
feeling aroused, and later regret- 
ted it?” you need to get out more. 
‘The program says that more than 
three positive answers indicates the 
need for professional help, while 
six or more qualifies you as a go- 
nadal time bomb. Nuts to that. We 
don't believe you actually have a 
sexual addiction problem until you 
can answer in the affirmative to at 


least five of the following questions: 

Have you ever offered a hooker your 
Congressional Medal of Honor for a 
blow job? 

Have you ever torn out and eaten a 
Centerfold from this magazine? 

Do you have a home blow-up doll, an 
office blow-up doll and a car blow-up doll? 

Have you stipulated on your organ 
donor card that all your body parts must 
wind up inside women? 

Do you become sexually aroused at 


DRINK OF 
THE MONTH 


Sophisticated after-dinner 
drinkers knaw abaut port 
and madeira. But they may 
not knaw abaut anather 
fortified wine from Partu- 
gal, Setubal. Made with 
mastly muscat grapes 
grawn on the penin- 
sula of Setubal, the 
wine is sweeter than 
part, but its flaral core 
maintains its great 
freshness. Trauble is, 
s not easy to find. Sa 
when the Rare Wine 
Ca. annaunced it had 
acquired a parcel af 
the 1962 vintage, we 
jumped all over it. Like 
the best 40-year-alds, 
itis old enough ta have 
wonderful camplexity, 
yet yaung enaugh ta 
be fresh and fragile an 
the tangue. 


baseball games whenever 
someone reaches third base? 
If she were to insist, would you 
suffer through repeated listenings of. 
"N Syne's entire oeuvre during an all- 
night sex marathon with Britney Spears? 
Are you unable to read the Cathy com- 
ic strip without touching yourself? 


MR. SNIFTER 


While you would probably prefer to 
slurp your shot from the hollow of a 
woman's collarbone, there are those who 
take their tequila seriously. And a few 
who take it way seriously. We're thinking 
of Georg Riedel, the genius glassmak- 
er whose stemware improves the show- 
ing of wines. He has come out with à 
stemmed tequila glass meant "to lift fine 
tequila to the level it deserves, to accord 
it the appreciation and respect of which 
it is worthy." Fine. Next: crystal bowls for 
sucked-out limes. 


WASABI, DUDE? 


Back in the old days of gluttony a pro 
might have hoped to *do the deuce,” or 
consume 20 frankfurters, at Nathan's 
Hot Dog Contest, held every Fourth of 
July at Concy Island. All this got blown 
out of the bun when 5/7", 131-pound Ta- 
keru Kobayashi of Nagano ate an un- 
fathomable 50 hot dogs in 12 minutes, 
breaking the previous record of 25% 
dogs. He went on to sweep Fox' Glutton 
Bowl, eating, among other things, 10 
pounds of calves' brains and establishing 
himself as the Tiger Woods of competi- 
tive caters. Kobayashi represents the lat- 

20 est and by far the greatest in a svelte 


Japanese dynasty that has recently un- 
seated ampler American eaters. 

When did you find out you had this gift for 
competitive ealing? 

When I was a senior in college, a 
friend took me to this curry restaurant 
with a "challenge menu" and I beat 
their national record. | ate 11 plate- 
fuls—about 11 pounds of curry. 
"Then I won a few eating champi- 
onships and went on competitive- 
eating TV shows, which are pop- 
ular in Japan. 

How do you train for competitions 
and still maintain your weight? 

I gradually increase the amount 
of food and water I consume a month 
before the competition. In this way, I'm 
able to expand the capacity of my stom- 
ach. I don't always eat so much. I gain 
some weight during training, but it goes 
back to normal later. I also go to the 
gym. On the day of the competition, I 
don't eat at all. Actually, I stop eating two 
or three days before, though I take some 
liquid, like juice or energy drinks, just to 
keep myself going. 

What puzzles Americans is how much you 
can eat despite being so skinny. 

American contestants see contests as 


extensions of their usual meals. They 
probably eat a lot in their everyday lives, 
and that's why they are large. But I think 
they are not eating much more at con- 
tests than they usually do. I see 
competitive eating as separate 

from my regular meals. Actu- 
ally, 1 don't see и as а meal. It's 
a sport. In Japan, competitors 
train themselves with an ath- 


"| think directors are 
always a little jealous 
of their actresses." 
—Azabella Scorupco 


lete's mentality. T it has any- 
thing to do with our body type. On the 
contrary, 1 think Americans with large 
bodies have more potential for setting 
records than we do if they train 
What's the easiest food to eat? 

Tofu is easy. It’s kind of soft and wa- 
tery. Foods like steak that are tough and 
not moist are hard. Hot dogs are kind of 
hard—but 1 dip the buns into water to 
soften them. 


Do you throw up after competitions? 


WHY GIRLS SAY YES—REASON #49 


Because he piqued 
my imagination: We 
met online. After a few 
cardial but flirty e-mails, 
we started instant-mes- 
saging and the conver- 
satian turned ta sex: 
likes, dislikes, mishaps, 
adventures. The staries 
were relayed wi 
bravado, more with hu- 
mor. We enjoyed crack- 
ing wise and deploying 
sexual innuenda with 
impunity. After one ex- 
change, he asked me 
for my number and | 
obliged. Our conversa- 
tions mirrored aur IM 
session until he made it 
personal. "This is what 
Vd do ta yau if | were 
there," he said, launch- 
ing into a deliciausly de- 
tailed description af how 
he wauld take me—and 
where. | came hard, vi- 
sualizing every eratic 
word. The phone sex was. 
sa goad, | wanted the re- 
al thing. "Came aver," I 
whispered inta the tele- 
phane. "Show, dan't tell." 
—K.M., Chapel Hill, NC 


No, but when I eat a lot of greasy food 
I sometimes feel sick. 

What do you do to avoid gastrointestinal 
distress? 

1 take some natural supplements like 
turmeric and aloe. And I eat lots of cab- 
bage because I heard it's good for your 
stomach. Also, Гуе found drinking milk 
helps when my stomach gets sick. 

What was it like winning Nathan's? 

It was nice that Americans gladly ac- 
cepted me as a champion. I was afraid 
people might get upset with me because 
it was the Fourth of July and I'm not an 
American. But peopie were happy about 
it and I was glad. This year, 1 want to 
beat my record by 20 or even 30 more. 

But you ate 50 hot dogs there. Do you think 
you can beat that? 

I know I will. 


EASY ON THE MOGULS 


We're usually as impressed as anyone 
by an athlete's pursuit of greatness, but 
there is such a thing as wanting victory 
too much. Case in point: German Olym- 
pic skiing medallist Ronny Ackerman, 
who attributed his performance in the 
Utah games partly to not having had sex 
prior to the event for 389 days. Perhaps 
we could see his point if he'd shattered a 
world record or won gold, but he only 
took the silver. Said Ackerman, “After 
the Olympics I will look for a girlfriend. 
Until then, the only thing that I'll be 
caressing is my medal.” Really? 
Caressing the medal? Is that 
what they call it in the Olym- 
pic training dorms? 


CKER. SWEET! 


GREAT WHITE WAY 


Until recently the only places in the world you could dive with great white 
sharks in clear water were South Africa and Australia. An outfit called Absolute 
Adventures has changed that—all you have to do now is hop a flight to Cali- 
fornia. Isla Guadalupe is a tiny island in the Pacific surrounded by a large pop- 
ulation of great whites. The island’s secret went undiscovered until a few years 
ago. Dive expeditions are conducted from June to November—which is about 
how long it takes to fly to other great white stomping grounds. 


THE TIP SHEET 


Crystal dick: Unrelenting, dayslong 
bout of horniness experienced by users 
of crystal meth, a.k.a. Tina. 

Boise, Idaho (pop. 185,787): Inexplica- 
bly chosen by the U.S. Marine Corps asa 
training site for practicing tactics of ur- 
ban warfare. 

Wash hands after working: Universi- 

ty of Arizona researchers have 

found that the typical office 

desk is home to 400 times 

more bacteria than the typ- 

ical toilet seat. So much for 
lunch at your desk. 

The Penis Chronicles 
(Uproar): CD of stand- 
up comics reflecting 
on the man-woman 

thing. Here's one by 
Alonzo Bodden: "A woman 
who is just a friend is like 
having $19 in the bank and 
you're left looking at your ATM 
card." 

Fuckingmachines.com: Raunchy, 
robotic dildos perfect for the 
21st century and for the women 
who love them. 

Norelco Advantage: An electric 
shaver that dispenses Nivea for Men 
shaving gel while you use it. Kind of like 
a wet-vac carpet deaner for your face. 


CRACKED EGGS 


If you haven't stumbled across one by 
now, DVD Easter eggs are bits of content 
hidden by the disc’s producers just to 
fuck with your mind. Finding them is 
usually an accident, though you can get 


some directions from either DVDEas 
tereggs.com or DVDreview.com. In the 
meantime, we managed to beat a few 
eggs for your enjoyment. 

The Beastmaster: Dip your on-screen di- 
rectional arrow into a reptilian eye for a 
great shot of tantalizing, topless Tanya 
Roberts. 

Bedazled: Push the devil on Elizabeth 
Hurley's shoulder for 10 minutes of 

Brendan Fraser living the large life of 
a sex-obsessed, drug-addled rock star. 
| Why was this cut from the movie? 
Not Another Teen Movie: Not another 
| lesbian kiss between the old lady and 
the hot schoolgirl 
Eww, gross! 
Repo Man: Catch 
the Plugz singing 
a Spanish version 
of Secret Agent Man 
and read the Repo 
Man Code. 

Made: When you 
spell out the name 
of the movie, you'll 
find an extended 
topless lap dance 
sequence that for 
some reason didn't 
make the finished film. 

Boogie Nights: Special Edition: That fa- 
mously long diggler of Dirk's passes the 
screen test. 

Ultimate Fights: Early versions of this 
collection of movie mayhem contain the 
topless duo Satin and Velvet beating the 
hell out of a villain in Isa, Harem Keeper 
of the Oil Shei 

C.H.U.D.: Lurking beneath the ze- 
ros and ones of the disc is an unedited 


21 


22 


SIGNIFICA, INSIGNIFICA, STATS AND FACTS 


QUOTE 

“Lam healthy 
and natural when 
it comes to sex. 
Strange locations 
always turn me 
on. Airplane toi- 
Jets—I think that 
would turn just 
about anyone on.” 
—BJORK, IN THE 
ROCK QUOTE BOOK 


Mouthing Off 


HEF AU 

According to a 
People survey on 
Britney Spears’ 
split from Justin 
Timberlake, per- 
centage of people 
who thought Brit- 
ney should now 
date Josh Hartnett: 
21. Percentage who 
thought Britney should date Prince 
William: 25. Percentage who thought 
she should date Hugh Hefner: 39. 


SPEED TRAP 
Number of methamphetaminc labs 
busted and seized last ycar in Califor- 
472. 1n Missouri: 1599. 


KILLA COLADA 
Number of people attacked world- 
wide by sharks in 2000: 79. Number 
who died: 10. Number killed annual- 
ly by falling coconuts: 150. 


WEB MASTERS OF OWN DOMAIN 

Of men who surf sex-related web- 
sites, percentage who do so for “dis- 
traction": 60. Of women who surf sex- 
related sites, percentage who do so 
for “distraction”: 37. Of the men, per- 
centage who have engaged in cyber- 
sex: 38. Percentage of the women 
who have engaged in cybersex: 45. 


PARK PLACE 
Estimated number of square feet 
in Jerry Seinfeld's Upper West Side 
garage, built for 20 Porsches: 2496. 
‘The number of floors: 3. Number of 
elevators: 1, Number of kitchens: 1. 
Building cost: $1.4 million. 


THE BUCK IN BUCKEYES 
In the past four years, the amount 
Ohio State University spent on ath- 


letic facilities: $316 
million. Amount it 
spent on all other 
ilities: $319 mil- 
lion. Spending on 
sports facilities per 
varsity athlete: 
$351,111. Spend- 
ing on all other uni- 
versity buildings 
per student: $6652. 


TREATING MENTAL 
ILLNESS 

According to the 
Harvard Medical 
School, percentage 
of U.S. health care 
costs that are attrib- 
uted to hypochon- 
driacs: 15. 


SLEEPING YOUR WAY 
TO THE TOP 
According to 
NASA, percentage by which job per- 
formance increases if employees are 
permitted a 45-minute nap each af- 
ternoon: 35. 


RARE CHANGE 

Number of 1953 Double Fagle gold 
pieces ordered destroyed when the 
U.S. abandoned the gold standard in 
1933: 445,000. Number actually de- 
stroyed: 444,997. Of the remaining 
3, number still available for private 
ownership: 1. Price it is expected to 
bring at auction: $6 million. 


FLACCID RATINGS 
According to the Center for Media. 
and Public Affairs, instances of sexu- 
al content per hour on noncable TV 
during 1998-1999 season: 16. Num- 
ber in 2000-2001 season: 11. 


PASSING TIME 

According to a Swiss study, total 
amount of time a woman will spend 
on the toilet during the course of her 
lifetime: 376 days. Total amount of 
time a man will spend (primarily be- 
cause of difference in life span be- 
tween genders): 291. 


DRUG EPIDEMIC 
"Total amount spent on rctail pre- 
scription drugs in the U.S. in 199 
$79 n. Amount spent in 2001: 
$154 billion. — ROBERTS. WIEDER 


version of the shower scene. 

Mallrats: Poke a robot in the eye and 
director Kevin Smith will pop up to tell 
you to stop looking for the Faster eggs, 
you geek. 


BOONE'S FARM OVER BAGHDAD? 


Writer Mark Bowden revealed recent- 
ly that Saddam Husscin's favorite wine is 
that old standby of our youth, Mateus 
Can it be that the wine that coaxed 
our girlfriends out of their underwear is 
the same beverage that slakes the ruth- 
less and murderous thirst of the world's 
least favorite dictator? A spokesman for 
the importer weighed in: “We will defi- 
nitely not use t n our advertising." 
Maybe they can send Saddam a case for 
the next timc Bush pulls his pants down. 


ros 


CHURLS GONE WILD 


Fans of Fox TV's Mancow's Morning 
Madhouse will rejoice to find out there's a 
behind-the-scenes DVD that gives you 
all the parts deemed too unsavory for his 
broadcast show. How can that be? Well, 
there's footage of T2, the human Cy- 
clops, drinking a beer through his eye 
socket, impromptu makeovers of unsus- 
pecting homeless and a lot of T and A 
and lesbonic behavior. You'll almost for- 
get this is a morning show. 


SIDE DISH 


If you're ever caught getting your car- 
rot waxed by someone other than your 
wife or girlfriend, you better hope she’s 


` 


AGENT SMOLDER 


Pioneer sound.vision.soul 


THERE'S ONEY ONE SVE IN M) LIFE. 


Ano My GieLFRIEnd'S LEARNED 76 LWE WITH IT. 


| 


Gielfriends cone ond де. 


Your MAR iS FOREVER, So give ee 


a Pioneer AYA - P 7 300 pvo player 


а am swatch 
BS е 
ap TY, videotapes 
sA and Games. Cua 
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you find the PARTIES 
The Motorized T wide screen Lon 
display even retracts into te dash. 


Because Sometinas NS Lady 
needs a little attendis Fos 


pioneerclectronies. cam 


when vehicle is moving 


SPIN CYCLE 


Here's something for night 
riders who feel funny shoes 
and helmets lack freaky style 
points. Hokey Spokes are 
computerized LED blades 
thot attoch to wheel spokes. 
They can be programmed for 
20 different designs or mes- 
soges. Such as, "If you can 
read this, you must be on 
something.” 


a fox. Italian psychologists interviewed 
500 women and concluded that they are 
more apt to consider forgiveness if they 
think their rival is good-looking. And ac- 
cording to the Psychological Society of 
Rome, how they catch you is as impor- 
tant to resolving the crisis as who they 
catch you with. Some of the worst things 
a betrayed woman can experience are to 
hear her man speak his lover's name in 
his sleep or tell someone else about the 
affair before she finds out. Ap- 
parently, that's worse than 

hearing, "She was so hot, 
I knew you wouldn't 
mind!" As with most in- 
sults, it sounds better in 
Italian. 


There are three 
things pageant wom- 
en do. There's the 
Vaseline thing. which 
| didn't do. There's 
duct-faping your 
boobs, which | never 
did because I'm not 
into pain. The third 
thing is using athlet- 

lc spray adhesive on 
your butt to keep your swimsuit in 
place. | did do that, So one out of 
three ain't bad." —Jeri Ryan 


CRIB FOR SALE. SLIGHTLY USED 


Wilt Chamberlain, self-professed lover 
of 20,000 wornen, received a few assists 
from his house when it came to slam- 
dunking. The legendary basketball play- 
er's bachelor pad went on the market in 
2000 and, according to the Los Angeles 
Times, the Bel-Air estate has a bedroom 
that is all net. The three-level, glass- 
walled triangular room peaks at the bed, 
which at one point was covered from 
headboard to baseboard in the fur of 
“Arctic wolves’ noses.” Above the bed is 
a mirrored ceiling that retracts to allow 
loungers to gape at the stars. (Chamber- 
lain named the estate Ursa Major, in- 
spired by his nicknarne, the Big Dipper.) 
A control center within arm's reach of 


24 the bed allowed hirn to dim the lights or 


get things moving in an 18-karat-gold- 
tiled, Roman-style bathtub at his feet 
When Wilt was in his prime, the house 
had many details to inspire a Seventies- 
style funk session, including a playroom 
with a wall-to-wall water-bed floor, a guest 


BABE OF THE MONTH 


ey FUL, САРА, 


AMY WEBER has stirred up 
trouble this season as the 
conniving lifeguard Porce- 
lain Bidet on FX’ Son of the 
Beach. Weber, now 30, 
dropped out of college to 
move to Los Angeles 
and become an ac- 7 
tress, first appear- 
ing in a slew of 
print ads and 
commercials. 
Now that 
she's con- 
quered the 
art of fill- 

ing out a 
bikini, Amy 
is taking 
voice lessons 
and hopes to 
record an R&B al- 
bum someday. She 
also likes racing motor- 
cycles and getling cozy. 
with all kinds of critters. 
“| have always brought 
home stray animals— 
everything from squirrels 
to rabbits to foxes and tur- 
tles,” she says on her fabu- 
lous website. “1 thought that 
I could save them all.” We 
hope she extends the same 
courtesy to house-trained 
PLAYBOY readers. 


= 


OPS 


ARO 
SALAS 


چڪ 


room featuring a relief of a naked beau- 
ty (there's a light switch where the fig 
leaf should be), and a bedroom outfitted 
with a traffic light indicating LOVE in 
green and DON'T Love in red. Earlier this 
year the house was listed at $4.2 million, 
down from the original asking price of 
$7.4 million, which is sort of shock- 
ing—20,000 women and not a real 
estate agent among them. 


REALLY WATCHING ELLIE 


All those channels on satellite TV 
and there's still not one porno sitcom. 
TopFive.com recently came up with 15 
porno sitcom titles that we would like to 
see. Among them: Dawson's Cheeks, The 
Hugeleys, Everybody Does Raymond, Groin 
Pains, That '69 Show, Will in Lace and our 
favorite—the oldie but woodie Welcome 
Back, Frotteur. 


WHERE AND HOW TO BUY ON PAGE 149. 


E 


By LEONARD MALTIN 


QUICK: Name a male movie star of the 
Fifties who's still a top box-office name 
at the dawn of the 21st century. Time's 
The 


up—the answer is Paul Newman. 
blue-eyed wonder and 
bona fide star appears 
opposite Tom Hanks in 
this summer's drama 
Road to Perdition. 

That it has taken this 
long for Newman to get 
around to playing older 
men is just one remark- 
able fact about his ex- 
traordinary career. He is 
probably the only lead- 
ing actor to have worked 
with Old Hollywood di- 
rectors like Michael Cur- 
tiz and Leo McCarey, as 
well as Alfred Hitchcock, 
Robert Altman, Martin 
Scorsese and the Coen 
brothers. In 1999 he por- 
trayed Kevin Costner's 
father in Message in a Bot- 
tle, but just one year lat- 
er he returned to a kad- 
ing role, opposite Linda Fiorentino in 
the con-game comedy Where the Money Is, 
and proved he still possessed that inde- 
finable "it. 

Newman's ageless charm is only part 
of the story: He is an actor's actor, known 
for spending an enormous amount of 
time analyzing every role he considers 
playing, marking his script and making 


notes as he tries to get inside each char- 
acter's head. It's not surprising that he 
eventually wound up in the director's 
chair, working especially well with his 
wife, the equally gifted Joanne Wood- 
ward, beginning with Rachel, Rachel. 

A year after New- 
man made his first 


fill A-list: Eastwaod and Newman (with Hanks) 


starring film, The Silver Chalice, in 1954, 
a tall, skinny fellow with a thick head of 
hair made his debut, without billing, in 
the Universal-International picture Re- 
venge of the Creature. Later that year he 
could be spotted as one of the sailors in 
Francis in the Navy, one of the popular 
Francis the Talking Mule comedies star- 
ring Donald O'Connor. 


SINGING A NEW TUNE 


It was television that eventually made 
Clint Eastwood a viable name, when he 
co-starred as Rowdy Yates on the West- 
ern series Rawhide, and it was the Italian 
Western A Fistful of Dollars that made 
him an international star. But American 
distributors had no interest in the pic- 
ture, which took three years to get U.S. 
release. When it finally did, 
Eastwood's film career took off 

Stateside. 
Like Newman, East- 
& wood longed for con- 
trol of his career, and 
cajoled Universal into 
letting him direct his 
first film, Play Misty for 
Me, in 1971, provided 
he also star in the film. 
In time he was able to 
set up his own produc- 
tion company, Malpaso. 
With his box-office suc- 
cess and sound rela- 
tionships with studio 
executives, Eastwood 
has the ability to make 
offbeat, personal films 
as well as mainstream 
fare. At an age when 
most leading men are grateful for char- 
acter parts, he took off his shirt and 
wooed Meryl Streep in The Bridges of Mad- 
ison County, which he also directed. 

This summer, Clint is back on the 
screen in a crime thriller called Blood 
Work. No less than Paul Newman, he 
proves there is such a thing as staying 
power—even in show business. 


= 


Music hath charms, but music performers with charm to 
spare are carving new careers on film. There's nothing new 
about the idea: Al Jolson ushered in the era of sound in the 
late ‘Twenties, Bing Crosby brought his crooning to the big 

Thirties and Elvis Presley and Doris Day 
topped box office and record charts in the Fifties. 

It's also business as usual 
and potential stars outside - theater and TV. Thus, when 
Mike Myers’ Austin Powers grooves his way onto movie 
screens this summer, ewest babe will be Destiny's Child 
singer Beyoncé Knowles isk in casting Knowles is 
small, since thespian skill is not required of the role. If she's 
good, other movie offers will follow. 

Rapper Lil’ Bow Wow has already started building a film 
résumé, but his co-starring role in Like Mike this summer, 
opposite Morris Chestnut, may make him a familiar face to 
moviegoers who don't tune in to MTV. Da Brat also appears. 

‘Male rappers have fared especially well in movies, with 
LL Cool J, Ice Cube, Ice-T and Sean Combs (to name a few) 
earning respectable reviews for their acting skills in a vari- 
ety of mainstream movies. Meanwhile, Jennifer Lopez has 
turned the tables by using her movie stardom as a spring- 
board for a successful music career. 

Reviews of Britney Spears' first starring movie, Cross- 


roads, were generally tepid, but she seemed to handle her- 
self well in an undemanding part. 
Britney's notices were raves com- 
pared with the attacks heaped upon 
Mariah Carey and her debut movie, 
Glitter. One would think a music su- 
perstar would warrant (and/or de- 
mand) a better script than this star- 
is-born retread, but one might al- 
so think a smart manager would 
steer Carey away from such a 
risky venture. Indeed, at 2 
Sundance Film Festival, Carey was 
seen in a less glamorous part, 
co-starring in Wisegirls with Mira 
Sorvino. She won a warm recep- 
tion from festivalgoers and critics 
for her portrayal ofa waitress in a 
restaurant owned by mobsters. 
Unfortunately, the poison of Glit- | 
ter has taken its toll: Wisegirls is 
being rcleased directly to vidco. 


Beyoncé to the third Pawer. | 


26 


CURRENT FILMS 


Christina Ricci looks great as a blonde 
coed in Pumpkin, although that's all I 
can praise about this schizophrenic com- 
edy-drama. On the one hand, directors 
Adam Larson Broder (who also wrote 
the film) and 
‘Tony Abrams 
want to poke 
fun at sorority 
life and pam- 
pered rich 
kids. On ıhe 
other hand, 
they try to tug. 
at our heart- 
strings with the 
story of a self- 
absorbed girl 
who develops 
feelings for a 
disabled young 
man named 
Pumpkin (Hank 
Harris). 15 this 
a goof? You're 
never quite sure, because the tone of the 
movie flip-flops repeatedly over an end- 
less two hours 

Lovely and Amazing also suffers from 
shifts in tone, mixing wry comedy, poi 


gnancy and searing social observation— 
all expressed effortlessly by leading lady 
Catherine Keener. Her character is one 
of three sisters whose dysfunctional lives 
can be traced to their screw-loose moth- 
er (Brenda Blethyn). Her older sister 
(Emily Mortimer) is an actress plagued 


Ricci shines but Pumpkin rots, 


with self-doubt. Her younger sister is an 
adopted eight-year-old black girl who 


overcomes emotional hurdles with quiet 
grace. Director Nicole Holofcener (Walk- 
ing and Talking) sets an unlikable leading 
character on a mad- 


deningly circu- 
itous path to a moving denoue- 
ment. The challenge is staying with 
her to experience the reward. 

Windtalkers supposedly is the story of 
the Navajos who worked as code talkers. 
during World War П. Instead, that fasci- 
nating and long-buried material is used 
merely as a device in a film that focuses 
on gung ho Marine Nicolas Cage and his 
emotional problems, Director John Woo 
blows soldiers to pieces—a man's hand is 
chopped off in the very first scene—but 
he might have paid more attention to 
the script, which resembles a corny old- 
Hollywood war movie. 


EMILY MORTIMER. NOW ON-SCREEN: 
As the painfully vulnerable sister in 
Lovely and Amazing. SOON TO BE SEEN: 
Opposite Samuel L, Jackson in Formu- 
la 51. HOW DID A CLASSICALLY TRAINED 
BRITISH ACTRESS AND OXFORD GRADU- 
ATE WIND UP IN SCREAM 3? “Part of 
the reason it happened is 
that I went out to LA to vis- | 
it my boyfriend. Within a 
week I was sent on an au- | 
dition for Scream 3. It was ' 
absurd that a girl from _ 
Oxfordshire should audi- 
tion for this true Ameri- 
cana slasher movie.” DO 
YOU GET TO KICK BUTT IN 
FORMULA S1? "Yes, a lot, 
and I was nervous 
about it because I’m 
not naturally a kicker 
of butts. In fact, I'm 
not naturally cool, 
and the part de- 


manded that I be both cool and butt- 
Kicking. I arrived on set in black leather 
trousers and hair extensions and was 
given an enormous gun and put on a 
motorbike, and I thought, I don't real- 
ly know why I’m here. I want my moth- 
er to come and pick me up! But it was 
cathartic.” WHAT WAS IT LIKE TO BE BOTH 
EMOTIONALLY AND PHYSICALLY NAKED IN 
LOVELY AND AMAZING? “It was frighten- 
ing, but it’s a perfect moment in the 
movie, I remember getting out of 
that bed to go stand naked in 
front of Dermot Mulroney and 
the crew—and what you see is 
the first and only time I did 
it. I thought, This had 
better be a good moy- 
ie, because if it isr't, 
it could be hu- 
miliating on an 
internation- 
al scale." 


SCORE CARD 


capsule close-ups of current films 
by leonard maltin 


ca Jeremy Davies and supermodel 
Angela Lindvall star in Roman Cop- 
pola's debut feature, set in the world 
of European moviemaking in the late 
Sixties. The atmosphere is rich, and 
an homage to Barbarella is fun, but 
this meandering film has no sense 
of story. yy 
Enough Jennifer Lopez discovers that 
her husband is a philanderer, an 
abuser and a psycho, so she takes it 
on the lam and learns martial arts in 
order to strike back at him. Too bad 
that the wrap-up is so predictable and 
melodramatic. Wir 
Gangster No. 1 Malcolm McDowell and 
David Thewlis head the cast of this 
British underworld movie that starts 
well but gradually sinks in a mire of 
ugly violence. vv 
Lovely and Amazing Catherine Keener, 
Brenda Blethyn and Emily Mortimer 
star in Nicole Holofcener's uneven 
comedy-drama about a dysfunctional 
family. ‘The movie builds to a moving 
finale. Wh 
Pumpkin Christina Ricci plays a pam- 
pered college coed who falls in love 
with a disabled young man named 
Pumpkin. If you think that’s a bad 
idea for a movie, you're right. Y 
Star Wars Episode Il: Attack of the Clones 
Ewan McGregor's Obi-Wan Kenobi is 
dull, Hayden Christensen's Anakin 
Skywalker is heavy-handed and sul- 
len and his highly touted romance 
with Natalie Portman is strictly by the 
numbers in this surprisingly clunky 
installment of the Great Saga. A new. 
computer-generated Yoda cornes to 
the rescue, in more ways than one, to 
give this film the life it needs. yy 
Unfaithful Beautiful Diane Lane gets 
the showcase she has always deserved 
in Adrian Lyne’s remake of Claude 
Chabrol's La Femme Infidele, as a hap- 
pily married woman who follows a 
whim and finds herself caught in an 
obsessive sexual relationship. Rich- 
ard Gere is the husband in this well- 
made film, which lets down only at 
the end. Wh 
Windtalkers Nicolas Cage and Chris- 
tian Slater star in John Woo's ultravi- 
olent World War II movie, ostensibly 
about Navajo code talkers. It's actual- 
ly a hackneyed script that follows a 
Marine squadron fighting the battle 


of Saipan. y 
YVYY Don'tmiss YY Worth a look 
¥¥¥ Good show ¥ Forget it 


BAD GIRLS MAKE 
GOOD COMPANY. 


SAY TA-TA TO THESE TA TAS 


Once an actress has reached a certain 
status—or age—she finds the means to 
keep her promise to her mother and "nev- 
er do nude.” In other words, kiss these 
tits goodbye. We always hold out hope 
that a script will arrive in which nudity 
is "necessary for the story." Otherwise, 
the following breasts are mere fondly 
fondled memories. 

Brigitte Bardot, Contempt (1963): Pressured 
to include a nude scene, director Jean- 
Luc Godard opens the movie with a na- 
ked Bardot (one of the first internation- 
al sex kittens) asking her husband if he 
likes certain parts of her body. Alas, they 
were rarely seen thereafter, 

Angie Dickinson, Big Bad Mama (1974) 
Many a boomer boy oozed his first tes- 
tosterone ogling the only dame worthy 
of inclusion in the Rat Pack in this cheesy 
Bonnie and Clyde knockoff. 

Jennifer Connelly, The Hot Spot (1990): In 
this one and Inventing the Abbotts (1997), 
Connelly reveals more than a beautiful 
mind. But now she's gone and won an 
Oscar. Will the nude figurine bring an 
end to her nude figure? Damn our luck! 
Halle Berry, Monster’s Ball (2001): Just when 
you thought that you'd seen Berry's lus- 
cious berries for the last time in Swordfish 
(2001), she shows them again in Ball. Os- 
car will make sure she doesn't do it any- 
more, the prude. 

Nicole Kidman, Eyes Wide Shut (1999): As 
Kidman opens our eyes to her beauteous 
bounty, we're left wondering, What is 
wrong with Tom Cruise? 


Penélope Cruz, Jamón, Jamón (19! After 
seeing her numerous topless sex scenes 
in this early effort, we think Cruise may 


28 know whathe's doing. 


Sigourney Weaver, A Map of the World 
(1999): We were about to write off her 
cleavage to history—three Oscar nomi- 
nations will do that—but then came this 
drama with a, you know, meaningful bath- 
tub scene. Whatever. Encore! 

Michelle Pfeiffer, Into the Night (1985): The 
sight of her in the buff barely makes this 
John Landis farce worth it. But after 
three Oscar nominations, she's not likely 
10 do this again. 

Juliette Binoche, Rendez-vous (1985): Our 
favorite sans les vétements French actress 
heats up the screen in this ménage ä 
trois sex romp, but that was before her 
Oscar for The English Patient (1996). 
Sandra Bullock, Fire on the Amazon (1993): 
Bullock, in this pre-Speed (1994) Roger 
Corman-produced indie, smokes Ama- 
zonian pot, takes it off and takes it from 
Craig Sheffer facedown. Get the unrated 
version for maximum bollocking. 
Gwyneth Paltrow, Shakespeare in Love 
(1998): Paltrow won the Best Actress Os- 
car for the very movie in which she takes 
it off, like Berry in Monster's Ball. Hey, 
maybe this is the start of a happy trend. 
We can only dream, —BUZZ MCCLAIN 


DISC ALERT 


Anyone who is harboring a fond no- 
tion about the increasingly anachronis- 
tic Olympic ideal should dip into Tokyo 
Olympiad (Criterion Collection, $40), di- 
rector Kon Ichikawa's legendary chroni- 
cle of the 1964 Summer Games. The 
nearly three-hour Japanese documen- 
tary has long been available on VHS, but 
this new version benefits immeasurably 
from a high-definition digital transfer 
that preserves the film's original 2.35: 1 
wide-screen aspect ratio and that has been 
enhanced for 16x9 TVs. Marshaling a 


ТИЕ MON 
The Italian giallo (yel- 
low] cinema of the Sev- 
enties—named for the 


color of a line of pulp 0) 


fiction detective nov- Iris 
els—combined the 
gory effects of slasher movies with the 


paranoid thrills of twisted whodunits, then 
added seedy sex to the mix. The result 
was usually a disturbing frightfest, set to. 
propulsive rock music. Anchor Bay has re- 
leased four delicious hard-to-find giallo 
goodies on DVD—Aldo Lado's The Short 
Night of the Glass Dolls (1971) and Who 


battery of cameramen—164, by some ac- 
counts—Yojimbo cinematographer Kazuo 
Miyagawa captures a breathtaking pa- 
rade of images. Ichikawa assembles 
these into a series of stories that climax 
in a vignette on the marathon that soars 
without cli . Constantin Costa- 
Gavras’ 1969 thriller Z has also just ar- 
rived on DVD (Fox Lorber, $30) with 
power to shock intact. The Oscar winner 
for Best Forcign Film was thc most scar- 
ing political thriller of its time. Its action 
sequences can't keep pace with contem- 
porary equivalents, but it's hard to beat 
the tale (investigator Jean-Louis Trinti- 
gnant uncovers government complicity 
in a politician's murder) and razor-sharp 
storytelling. — GREGORY P FAGAN 


ACTION 


The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring (the Tolkien al- 
ways rings thrice; great fun, even when foreboding), Collat- 
eral Damage (when terrorists blow up a building with Arnold's 
kin inside, he goes all vigilante; freighted mayhem). 


RUNNER-UP 


In the Bedroom (Spacek and Wilkinson drift in ennui after their 
son is killed: multi-Oscar nominee deserved Best Pic). Amélie 
[gamine Audrey Tautou spreads sparkling French cutie kar- 
ma around Paris; best foreign film entry achieves high fluff) 


‘COMEDY 


Gosferd Park (Altman subverts Agatha Christie country manor 
whodunits with Yankee wit; better on second viewing), The 
Royal Tenenbaums (schemer Hackman retums to his über- 
clan-in-decline; gleeful eccentricity from Wes Anderson). 


BIOGRAPHY 


Iris (Judi Dench portrays the Alzheimer's-afflicled author Mur- 
doch; Jim Broadbent's turn as her husband rightly took the 
Oscar). Piñero (Ben Bratt goes bad as the prison poet Miguel; 


surprising grit from the erstwhile Law and Order hunk). 


Lights Box: 9 mg. ча 08 mi: nicotine; ? SURGEON GENERAL'S WARNING: Smoking 


Medios rg tarag Gea DN Causes Lung Cancer, Heart Disease, 
Box: 16 mg. "tar." 1.3 mg, nicotine av. per 


cigarette by FTC method, — Emphysema, And May Complicate Pregnancy. 


THERE'S PLENTY to love on Ozzy Osbourne's 
Down to Earth (Epic). His extraordinary 
voice still sounds, like Roy Orbison's or 
even Axl Rose's, extraterrestrial. Even 
the album's less than stellar tracks, such 
as the embarrassing environmentalist 
ballad Dreamer, are testaments to his stay- 
ing power. —ANAHEED ALANI 


On the disc Electric 
Sweat (Gammon), the 
Mooney Suzuki churns 
out blue-eyed R&B 
with the same frenetic 
energy and stomping, 
caveman-like sensibili- 
ty that made Sixties 
garage rock into a cult 
commodity —TIM MOHR 


Killa Beez’ The Sting 
(Koch) is a typical Wu- 
‘Tang project: sprawl- 
ing, disorderly and 
amazing. The freestyl- 
ing is impressive, but 
the genius here is Rob- = 
ert Diggs, a.k.a. RZA. His menacing 
minor-key soundscapes get better with 
each release. — LEOPOLD FROEHLICH 


Radio 4 borrowed their name from a 
Public Image Ltd. song and their sound 
from Gang of Four and Joe Jackson. It’s 
rock that you can dance to. The jagged 
guitars and dub-heavy rhythm section 

are reinforced 


with electron- 
ica on Gotham! 
(Gern Bland- 
sten), though 
the groove 
remains the 
same. —JASON 

BUHRMESTER 


Onetime 


doorman and 


30 


GOTHAM! 
cemetery 


worker Ike Reilly's debut, Salesmen and 
Racists (Republic), delivers everything 
you want from a rock album—loud gui- 


Buhrmester 


fast tracks 


HOT SLOTS DEPARTMENT: Ray Charles h; 
helped Bally develop slots for visual- 
ly impaired pcoplc and will promote 
them at casinos. REELING AND ROCKING: 
Natalie Imbruglia co-stars with John Mal- 

s Bond spoof, John- 

‚.. Jimi Hendrix’ 
ppearance, on 

the Dick Cavett Show, is now 
on DVD. NEWSBREAKS: Round- 
about Theater will stage The 
Look of Love, a musical using 
the songs of Hal David and 
Burt Bacharach Madonna 
recorded a new album in 
London this summer during 


tars, funny lyrics and catchy 
melodies. From the opening 
line— Last time, I couldn't 
make you come"—this CD 
reminds you how thrilling 
rock and roll can be. —AA 


Ash burned up the charts in Europe. 
The standout tunes on the sugary punk 
quartet's Free All Angels (Infectious) in- 
clude Shining Light, with its 
heartbreaking guitar, and 
Candy, an ode to the vice 
of your choice—girls or 
drugs. — —ALISON PRATO 


Rearview Mirror can't 
legally buy beer, but 
they were handpicked 
by U2 producer Steve 
Lillywhite to launch 
his new Gobstopper label. АЙ 
Lights Off is raw, precocious and heavier 
than Lillywhite's normal fare. — —AP 


John Mayer has played the guitar since 
he was 13, and it shows. Room for Squares 
(Aware) is a sexy, thoughtful jukebox 
that evokes James Taylor and Ben Har- 
per. Elton John has a crush on him, and 
your girlfriend will, too. —ar 


Froehlich 


4 


3 


Behind the Music 


her run in the play Up for Grabs. 
Aerosmith’s Joe Perry has put out a new 
line of hot sauce called Rock Your 
World, which bears a flaming-skull lo- 
go. .. . A musical based on Stevie Won- 
der’s songs, starring Chaka Khan, is 
opening in Las Vegas. rf music 
aficionados are lobbying the Grammy 
committee for a category. Polka has 
one. , . . A study of Israeli drivers by 
newscientist.com indicates that the 
combination of fast cars and fast music 
can be hazardous. Those who listen to 
up-tempo tunes have t 

accidents as those who listen to slow 
er ones. — BARBARA NELLIS 


Laub is one of the best groups to come 
out of Berlin. On Filesharing (Kitty-Yo), 
Antye Greie-Fuchs' sensual voice con- 
trasts with cold electronic sounds to make 
surprisingly warm music. For her solo 
CD, Head Slash Bauch (Orthlorng Mu- 
sork), Greie-Fuchs sings computer code 
and makes it sound sexy Le 


Tom Waits’ latest two CDs are sound- 
tracks to plays. Alice (Anti) wallows in 
longing, while Blood Money 

is a comment on greed. 

With eclectic orchestra- 

tions on each, Waits has 

produced some of his most 
provocative work. —ув 


With the pulsing electro 
on #1 (FS Studios), Fischer- 
spooner revisits fey early 
Eighties synth pop while ac- 
knowledging more muscular 
acid house sounds. —гм. 


Ralph Stanley (Columbia) finds the ven- 
erable singer in fine mettle at the age of 
75. His voice has acquired all the sorrow 
and wisdom that come with age. This is 
old-time mountain music in its purest 


form by a master. —LF 
< 
E É 
EEE 
Forget about the 


Strokes and White Stripes. Soundtrack 
of Our Lives will save rock and roll. Be- 
hind the Music (Hidden Agenda) is Let H 
Bleed filtered through The Bends. —Im 


They Raging. 
Quiet Army (Self- 
Starter), the first 
CD by Detach- 
ment Kit, is smart 
but unpreten- 
tious, pretty but 
not wimpy, inven- 
tive without show- 
ing off. АА 


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31 


32 


LAND OF THE FREE? 


What if everyone with a high- 

speed Internet connection were 

to put an antenna on the roof 

that would allow any wireless Net 

users within range to get 

online? You could roam 

around town with your lap- 

top or PDA constantly con- 

nected to the Internet at 

high speed, for free. Prı 

ects like this are under way 

in dozens of cities (includ- 

ing Austin, Houston, New 

York and Seattle) as part of 

a movement to create a free 

high-speed wireless net- 

work. Participants are cı 

couraged to hook up their 

DSL, cable or other Net 

feeds to $100 wireless base 
ations and booster anten- 

nas so other users can acce: 

the connection. The equip- 

ment for building an an- 

tenna isn't that expensive. 

The activist website Seattle 


PIXEL SHARPENER 


Don't get too attached to your digital 
camera. A new technology called X3 is 
poised to make the current digital shoot- 
ers—and possibly even 35mm cameras— 
obsolete. Developed by Foveon of San- 
ta Clara, California, X3 is a next-gen- 
eration image sensor with film-quality 
photographic capabilities. Here's how it 
works: Today's cameras have a single lay- 
er of photodetectors, with color filters 
applied in a mosaic pattern. Fach filter 
allows only one color through to 


‘oducts’ 
($400) U 
packs digital au- N 
dia and video en- 
tertainm 
partable device that’s 
about the size of a pack 
of smokes. It plays high- 
quality digital music for- 
mats such as MP3, AAC and 
WMA. Even better, the Flipster 
uses o 2"x1.5" color screen to dis- 
play full-motion MPEG4, WMV ar 


nt into a 


ster with your favorit 


ASF video clips. To load up the Flip- 
ideos, launch the 

bundled PC software and convert videos C 

into a compctible format. Then, using drag 

and drop, download the clip onto the Flip- 

ster via the USB cord. The small screen and mini- 


Wireless.net has a link 

to instructions on how to 
make an antenna out of a 
Pringles can and $10 worth 
of parts. Not surprisingly, this free 
Net movement doesn't thrill 
telecom companies. They 
have spent billions setting 
up their services and are 
salivating over the money 
they'll make from wireless 
access fees. Deutsche Tele 
kom's T-Mobile Wireless has 
already established access 
points in airports, hotels, 
restaurants and Starbucks 
nationwide, charging a hefty 
per-minute fee for a wireless 
connection. With stakes this 
high, the free Net revo- 
lution probably won't last. 
AOL Time Warner's Road 
Runner cable service al- 
ready has a clause in its user 
agreement that prohibits 
sharing your Internet con- 
nection. Others are sure to 
follow. —LAZLOW 


a pixel and discards the remaining col- 
ors. A processor inside the camera then 
attempts to interpolate the colors the fil- 


ters missed. The process causes loss of 


image detail, which is the main reason 
digital cameras have yet to eclipse 35mm 
models. The X3 technology, by compar- 
ison, uses three separate layers of pho- 
todetectors embedded in a silicon chip. 
Each layer of the sensor captures a dif- 
ferent color and delivers red, green and 
blue light to every pixel. That means 
sharper, film-quality photographs. The 


2, 
7 
Po © 


speaker won't replace your laptop ar portable 
DVD player—nor is th 


with an SD/MMC card slot for add 
oge. Along with movies, the Flipster can 


7) © 
95 e 4 j 
© FV tuner and digital camera thet 


X3 also eliminates the need for process- 
ing, which reduces time between shots 
and simplifies the hardware design. The 
first X3 camera, Sigma's 3.5 megapixel 
SD9, is expensive, approximately $2500. 
But lower-priced ($300 to $400) mod- 
els, based on a less-powerful X3 sensor, 
ought to arrive in time for Christmas 
There's even talk of a hybrid X3-based 
camera and camcorder. —BETH TOMKIW 


nr THE NTH 
AME OF THE MONTH 
Inexperienced gamers got o painful 
lesson when they tried their honds 
at the original Counter-Strike. De- 
signed to be played online against 
other players, 
the game is 
incredibly pop- 
ular, which vir- 
tually guar- 
anteed that 
novices would 
be gunned 
down before 
they had fin- 
ished fum- 
bling with 
their key- 
boards. 
For the 
sequel, 
Counter- 
Strike: Condition Zero, devel- 
opers have added three single-player 
modes. Use these episodes io famil- 
ierize yourself with the game's new 
guns (including an M60 and LAW 
rocket launcher) and you might stand 
а chance in the updated multiplayer 
modes. —JASON BUHRMESTER 


ў 


ге enaugh mema- 
ry to shaw a full- 
waad film—but the devic 
hos 128 megs of internal 
memory (a 64MB version 
is also available) and comes 
nal stor- 


display digitol pictures in various for- 
mats ond can play games (a fun 

Tetris clone is included), plus 
it has a vaice recorder and 
al orgo- 
r. Pogo plans to release 


` 
7 scaled-down pe 


Jini 
Optional add-ons, including a 


Will connect to the Flipster’s 
pansion slot — MARC SALTZMAN 


WHERE AND HOWTO BUY ON PAGE 149. 


TRY SOMETHING 
NEW THAT DOESN'T 
INVOLVE HANDCUFFS. 


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riding a motorcycle is about as good as it gets. The Buell* Blast" is a motorcycle with everything you need to experience the rush of 
riding. All for less than $80' a month. We'll even help you get started with Rider's Edge” rider training. Call 1-800-223-8203 for the. 
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JERICAN MOTORCYCLE: 


"Different in every sense: 


By MARK FRAUENFELDER 


EDGY E-CARDS 


Taschen Books has made a name for itself publishing eroti- 
ca, including bondage photography, vintage illustrations and 
cartoons of anatomical impossibilities. The Taschen website 
offers its complete catalog, along with plenty of sample pho- 
tos. The e-card section (taschen.com/pages/en/ecards/start) 
features a small but wild assortment of images you can e-mail 
to open-minded friends. When my buddy became a new fa- 
ther, I sent him an e-card with a photograph of a young moth- 
er pinching milk out of her nipple for a happy baby sitting in 
her lap. He wrote back: "You have a way with pictures." 


SAY GOODBYE TO INTERNET RADIO? 


the way it dis- 
tance, can pick 


One of the great things about the wel 
regards geography. Radio stations, for 
up listeners only in range of their transmitters. Those 
same stations, however, can stream their broadcasts over 
the web, making it possible for anyone in the world to 
ten. But now the Digital Millennium Copyright Act (an 
awful law) requires radio stations 
that play music over the web to 
pay exorbitant royalties of 0.14 of 
a cent per song, per listener. For 
small stations (which already pay 
Ascap and BMI fees to the authors 


i» BLUE MARBLE 


тесе global imagery м lm ersehen 


of the songs), the cost adds up fast. If a web station plays 360 
songs a day to 5000 listeners, that's $2520, which is typically 
more than the station's gross revenue. The royalties are retro- 
active to 1998. Visit Save Internet Radio at saveinternetra 
dio.org and learn how you can petition to amend the law. 


IT'S A BEAUTIFUL WORLD 


You ve seen satellite photographs of the earth, but did you 
know that a computer usually generates the colors in them? 
Wait until you see the true-color photographs taken from 
NASA's Terra satellite, which floats 420 miles above our plan- 
et. NASA has compiled gorgeous. detailed images into a mo- 
saic called the Blue Marble (carthobservatory.nasa.gov/News 
room/BlueMarble/), which maps every square kilometer of 
earth. You'll gain a new appreciation for our gemlike planet. 


WARP-SPEED WAREHOUSE 


I'm through with bricks-and-mortar computer stores be- 
cause I've had nothing but great experiences ordering com- 
puter equipment from Micro Warehouse (warehouse.com). 1 


haven't found another site with better prices, and if you order 
something by 11 r.«., EDT, you'll get it the next day, usually 
before noon. I recently bought a new iMac and got a free 
956-megabyte upgrade and a {ree color printer. I was able to 
track the progress of my computer as it moved across the 
country to my door. It arrived in perfect condition. 


DIGITAL PHOTO PROCESSING 


Kodak failed to enter digital photography early, and now 
it’s playing catch-up. While personal color printers do a de- 
cent job, it's not hard to tell the difference between a print 
produced on an inkjet printer and one developed by a tradi- 

tional processing lab. Kodak hopes people 
will get their digital photos processed at ofo 
10.com, an online printmaking service. I gave 
ofoto.com a test by downloading the free 
software on the site and loading the applica- 
tion with some high-resolution photographs 
1 took. The Ofoto application allows basic 
editing functions like cropping, rotating and 
correcting for red-eye. Once I worked over 


P 
\ 


the images, I hit the upload 
button and selected the prints 
I wanted. A 4x6 print costs 49 
cents, a 5x7 costs 99 cents and 
a sheet of four walletsize pho- 
tos is $1.79. (You can order 
prints up to 20x30 inches.) 
Postage and handling came to 
$1.49, and my total was just 
$7.77. The prints arrived a few 
days later, on glossy Kodak pa- 
per, and they looked terrific — 
as good as photos from my film 
camera, a Canon. Ofoto has 
given new life to my digital 
camera. Perhaps it will do the same for Kodak. 


THE GREAT YAHOO OPT-OUT 


Have you signed up for a Yahoo Groups membership? Ifso, 
you probably elected not to allow Yahoo to share your name 
with third-party advertisers. Well, guess what? In March, the 
cash-desperate company switched everyone's account to the 
nd me spam" option. If you don't want junk mail, you'll 
have to go to groups.yahoo.com and sign in. Then click on 
count Info," which brings up your "Yahoo ID Card." Click 
on "Edit your marketing preferences," where you have to 
change every "yes" to a "no" and then click on "save changes." 
There's no telling when Yahoo will switch you back to the 
"spam me” option, so check your preferences frequently. 


QUICK HITS 


See the dark side of eBay: disturbingauctions.coi 
Joy this photo gallery of busted smugglers at ww 
ustreas.gov/photo/smugshrt.htm. 


33 


Looks 


EASY DOES IT 


Detective series often are locked into specific periods. Walter 
Mosley's Easy Rawlins is something ofa time traveler—we've 
watched this World War II vet move through the decades. In 
Bad Boy Browly Brown (Little, Brown), he appears in Los Ange- 
les at the start of the Sixties. A friend asks him to check on the 
whereabouts of his stepson—the title character—who has fall- 
en in with a group of radicals. Mosley's plot touches on black 


pride, red squads and f 


police assassinations, in- 
formers, bank robbers, 
incest, murders and the 
first bloom of radical 
chic. These days we tend 
to remember the Black 
Panthers as they're de- 
picted on dorm posters, 
but Mosley provides a 
more subtle, informed 
perspective. Before they 
were cultural icons, they 
were community activ- 
ists—and con men. Raw- 
lins visits storefronts, 
churches, bars and po- = 

lice stations as he tries to rescue a young man who is in over 
his head. Mistaken for a police spy, Easy makes no friends in 
the new movement. The situation at home is compelling, 
too—his son wants to drop out of high school and his lover 
may be only temporary. Simple struggles such as these make 
for powerful reading —JAMESR. PETERSEN 


AGNIFICENT 
OBSESSIONS 


Vintage movie posters are worth o bundle. An 
original Dracula or Frankenstein poster could 
fetch 580,000. But if Hollywood is too main- 
stream for you, get Jacques Boyreou's Trash: 

The Graphic Genius of Xploitation Movie Posters 
(Chronicle), Weird lowbrow films include Kill- 
er Force with O.J. Simpson and Telly Sovalos, 

the three-dimensionol Stewardesses ond Shaft 
in Africa (“the Brother Man in the Mother- 
lond"). How valuable ore 

these posters? In laughs alone, 

they're priceless. 
—HELEN FRANGOULIS 


SWAMP SEX 


Oyster (Ecco), by O. Henry Award-winning short-story writ- 
er John Biguenet, tells the tale of two rival oyster families 
along the Louisiana coast in 1957. Desperately in debt to 52- 
year-old widower Darryl "Horse" Bruncau, the 
Petitjeans agree to let him mar- 
ry their 18-year-old daugh- 
ter, Therese. Angered and 
repulsed by the arrangement, 
the resourceful young wom- 
an preempts wedding plans by 
disposing of her would-be hus- 
band in a riveting seduction- 
murder. Believing that There- 
se's brother, Alton, is responsible 
for their father's death, the two 
oldest Bruneau brothers kill him 
while their younger brother looks 
on. These gripping scenes front- 
load the plot, but the pace of the 
novel slows when Th e's mother 
relates the history behind the fami- 
ly feud. Despite wonderfully written 
passages and scenes, the book never 
recovers the raw power of the open- 
ing section. At times, Biguenet's style and texture evoke Wil- 
liam Faulkner, and the story has the fateful feel of a Greek 
tragedy. Given that this is a first novel, its uneven stride 
doesn’t detract from a rich gumbo of incest and longing that 
simmers with tension. — PAUL ENGLEMAN 


ANYTHING 


GOES 


IT'S A PLEASURE 
Sex (Sterling) is a thinking man's guide to erotica. Along with more 
than 250 rare illustrotions—including a fascinating Jopanese print 
of o voginal inspection pointed on o silk 
scroll ond o creepy mid-1 9th century Per- 
sian pointing of a foursome—editor Ste- 
phen Boyley delights in shoring the little- 
known focts about the evolution of 
getting it on. Did you know that the first 
printed use of the word fuck was in Scot- 
tish poet Williom Dunbor's A Bout of 
Wooing in 1503? Among the book's 
most coptivating choplers ore "The Sin 
of Virginity: Sex ond the Bible" ond the 
highly contentious thesis: "Asion Sen- 
suclity: Why Eost Beots West When It 
Comes to Sex." ALISON PRATO 


FOOTWEAR 


layboy v 


A DAY IN THE LIFE 


Ever wonder what adult stars do when 
the camera isn't rolling? Are they able to 
lationships? Raise families? Does 
appeal, or does it get hotter? 
What is considered infidelity when sex is 
your job? These and other personal 
sues are explored on Playboy TV shows 
such as Adult Stars Close Up 
(Tuesdays, 10 p.m. EDT), a 
peek into the home lives of 
your favorite porn stars, 
and Sex Under Hot Lights 
(check playboyt.com for air- 
times), which goes behind 
the scenes on adult movie 
sets. We caught up with two 
starlets at different stages in 
their careers and asked 
them about life in the indus- 
try. Holly Hollywood is a 27. 
year-old Playboy TV vet 
who has done lots of girl- 
girl scenes in 
adult movies and 
appeared in the 
mainstream Boo- 
gie Nights. Hol- 
ly and her boy- 
friend have a 
young daughter, 
Tawny Roberts, 
23, got into the 
business just 
months ago with 
the intention of 
filming only with 
her boyfriend, 
Rick. Now she has 
a successful porn 
career. 
PLAYBOY: How did 
you get into the 
industry? 
HOLLY: Actually, I 
started out doing 
mild nudity and modeling. I 
used to say, "There is no way 
1 would cver spread my legs 
in front of a camera!" That 
changed when I gave birth 
and everything was wide 
open for the doctors to sce. 
I don't know what my hang- 
up was. I work only with 
women—I don't want to jeop- 
ardize my relationship with my daugh- 
ter's father. He still gets jealous of me 
and the girls I'm with. He'll say, "Look at 
all the pussy you got this weel 
tawny: A friend wanted to do a girl-girl 
scene with me. I had never been with a 
girl and didn't know if I could do it. She 
introduced me to people in the industry 
and we did the scene. It was exciting, 
and 1 felt comfortable because 1 knew 
her. My boyfriend and I started doing 


a friend; 


36 movies together. Eventually, 1 signed а 


contract and now I'm doing movies with 
other guys, which 1 never thought would 
happen. We are close with other couples 
in the business who have good relation- 
ships. Rick knows that in order for me to 
become a famous porn star I have to 
work with other guys. 
PLAYBOY: Do your boyfriends watch you 
work on 
the set? 


Clockwise from top left: Boogie Nights ex- 
tra Holly Hollywood with Burt Reynolds ond 


Holiy (left) comes clean with reol- 


life pal Ann Morie; Tawny Roberts (left) 
stretches out with her friend Renee Lo- 
Rue; Tawny gets intimate for Adult Stars 
Close Up; Holly posi 
set of Decadent Divas 16 


ions herself on the 


Tawny: We have sex 

more at home now, 

whereas we used to do it more on the set. 
My boyfriend and 1 have grown closer. 
It's given me confidence. 

pLayBoy: How do you pick your co-stars? 
HOLLY: It has a lot to do with attitude. 
I once had a threesome with two girls 
One was new to the business, but she 
wasn’t as pretty as the other one, who 
was a total bitch. I went at it with the new 
girl and it was a hot scene. I didn't make 


the other girl feel welcome because she 
ranting about what a dog the new 
girl was. I was like, "Screw you!" 

Tawny: I picked Evan Stone for my first 
girl-guy scene aside from Rick, but I 
don't know many guys in the industry: 
PLAYBOY: How much of a porn scene is 
acting and how much isa turn-on? 
HOLLY: I can tell by the way girls moan 
that they enjoy it. When I'm working, I 
aim to please. When 
the camera's off, I'm 
still going at it. I love 
eating pussy. I could 
do it for hours. Basi- 
cally, you pull back on 
the pubic hair and the 
clit pops out. You suck 
on it until she's squirt- 
ing all over your face. 
Tawny: It depends on 
who's directing. Some 
directors let you go at 
it and have fun. Oth- 
ers say, “Do this posi- 
tion for 10 min- 
utes, then do 
this." It’s more 
fun to go crazy. 
PLAYBOY: Holly, 
how did having 
a baby affect 
your career? 
HOLLY: I took up 
dancing to get 
back in shape 
Breast-feeding 
helped—my tits 
were so huge! 
I sometimes 
sprung leaks dur- 
ing lap dances. Guys 
loved it. Breast milk is 
sweet. I put it in my 
boyfriend's coffee. 
mavsov: Tawny, when 
you were on Sex Under 
Hot Lights, Rick had 
problems getting an 
erection on camera. Was 
that frustrating? 

tawny: He was totally 
pissed—he wouldn't talk 
to me—and 1 was pissed 
at him for not getting 
hard. It's frustrating to 
give head for an hour. 
It's like, this isn't fun! 
PLAYBOY: Overall, have you enjoyed work- 
ing in the business? 

HOLLY: I've had a good experience, but 
there are some bad apples. If the girl has 
control of a scene, she'll be OK. I plan to 
buy a house by the time I'm 30. 

TAWNY: Yes. I want to win an Adult Video 
News award. | work once or twice a weck 
and make about $8000 per movie. It 
beats working retail! 


THE DISH ON DRESS 


Ask a guy whether you should bet over 
or under on the Cowboys-Giants game, 
and he'll fire back an answer at the 
speed of light. But ask 
him if women prefer 
men with short or 
long hair, and he'll 
look more confused 
than Troy Aikman 
after a crack on the 
Astroturf. When it 
comes to questions 
of style, most men 
come up clueless. 
To help you out, 
Playboy.com went 
to the source: our 
savvy and uninhib- 
ited Playmates. The 
result is Playmates 
Prefer, an online se- 
ries that gets men 
out the door look- 
ing, well, beddable 
Wondering how 
much Givenchy to 
spritz on before a 
date? “You shouldn't 
smell a guy before he 
enters the room," advises Miss June 
1997 Carrie Stevens. “I like cologne that 
is subtle.” What about wearing clothes 
that show off your buff bod? Cara Wake- 
lin, Miss November 1999, says to stick 
with things that fit. “Don't try to show off 
your muscles by wearing a shirt that’s 
two sizes too small. Believe me, it's not 
going to impress any woman. Stick to a 
good suit for formal nights and faded 
jeans with a casual sweater or a T-shirt 


“We're very hospitable. We cook, 
clean, entertain and make our beds. 
We're just like Pilgrims. 

Jaime Pressly, on South- 

ern girls 


“Auditioning is terrible. 
You're thinking, I have to 
prove to these motherfuck- 
ers that I can act."—Drea 
de Matteo 


“People were asking me, 
“How does it feel to be 

on an Eminem album in 

which he’s screaming about killing 
women and gays?’ It’s like, ‘Would 
you lighten up? It made me feel for 
him. He must get asked these ques- 
tions every second of his life."—Dido 


the rest of the time.” And as Susie Ow- 
ens, Miss March 1988, explains, know- 
ing how to wear a suit can pay off in 
unexpected ways: "A man's suit 
looks good crumpled 
on the floor while 
you're having sex. 
1 just love it when 
a stereotypical im- 
age is blown all to 
hell" Want more 
Centerfold style 
tips? Take a look 
at the Playmates 
Prefer section at 
playboy.com/living 
instyle. 


BREAKING 
NUDES 


When Colorado 
stripper turned 
mayor Koleen 
Brooks (pictured 
below 


troversial recall 
IN vote, everyone from 

tabloid TV to The 
New York Times wanted the scandalous 
scoop. Playboy.com just wanted to know 
what she looks like out of her business 
suit. Days after the revote, Brooks flew to 
Chicago for a headline-grabbing nude 
Cyber Club photo shoot. “The voters 
who care about the real issues aren't go- 
ing to think any less of me," Brooks 
“They'll put up my picture in their bath- 
rooms.” Playboy.com is always looking 
for the naked truth in national stories. 


“I don't take that "you're so hot 

stuff seriously. I'm one of the most 

flawed people. I wear 

black because I'm such 

a slob. This morning I 

broke the phone by fall 

ing on it."— Angelina Jolie 

“I'm an artist, and peo- 

ple are going to love me 

or hate me no matter 

what I do. So I'm going 

to do whatever the fuck I 
want."—Kelis 


"I'm hoping to get compared to 
them because then I can trick the lit- 
tle kiddies into buying my C 


Nelly Furtado, on Chri 
and Britney Spears 


ina Aguilera 


CYBER. 

GIRL 
OF THE 
MONTH 


Aubrie Lemon, 
22. Birthplace 
Santa Rosa, Coli- 
farnio. Discov- 
ered at a bikini 
contest on St 
Croix. Self-de- 
scribed Renais- 
sance woman 
Typical day: work 
out, eat break- 
fast, run errands, 
study, play Mine- 
sweeper, roller- 
skate, make dinner with boyfriend, rent 
а movie. Musical talent: plays the harp. 
Next big purchase: a car with air-condi- 
tioning. Ideal romantic evening: “Just 
the twa of us on a deserted beach." Ca- 
reer gaal: "To ride the modeling train os 
long as | can.” Family motto: "Our last 
name is Lemon, but we're sweet!” For 
more Aubrie, go to cyber playboy.com. 


Brooks’ is just one of many exclusive 
pictorials that we have created from 
the day's headlines. Leilani Rios, a Cal 


State-Fullerton cro: 


‘ountry runner, 


revealed her track-toned body in the 
Playboy Cyber Club (and later on the 
pages of rayboy) after her coach made 


her choose between running and strip- 
ping. Fans of Temptation Island saw nude 
Cyber Club pictorials of two cast mem- 
bers, PLAYBOY model Lola Corwin and 
College Girls alum Dr. Alison Dietrich. 
And leggy WNBA draft pick Tamara 
Stocks stopped the presses with photos 
from her University of Florida College 
Girls shoot. We also published a pictorial 
with outspoken Miss Long Island win- 
ner Jill Nicolini, who relinquished her 
crown amid flak about posing for our 
College Girls Special Edition. To see more 
pictures, join the Playboy Cyber Club. 


37 


38 


By ASA BABER 


WHAT CONSTITUTES our male genetic in- 
heritance, and how does that inheritance 
contribute to the ways men behave or 
misbehave today? I encountered some 
ideas about that subject based on new 
genetic research recently, and they're 
worth examining. 

It turns out that the so-called modern 
man (you and me) may not be as geneti- 
cally advanced as some folks want to be- 
lieve. Indeed, the phrase "me caveman, 
you caveman" still holds some truth, be- 
cause we come by our primeval tenden- 
cies naturally. They were handed down 
to us through our numerous forebears, 
starting more than half a million years 
ago, and it appears that our genetic links 
with our distant ancestors may be stron- 
ger than previously thought. Consider 
a couple of examples of contemporary 
men with primordial connections: 

In the movie Mystery, Alaska a young 
hockey player who is also a small-town 
rogue tries to explain to his coach why 
he slept with the mayor's wife. "I don't 
really think about anything,” he admits 
when asked about his behavior. "I play 
hockey and 1 fornicate because they're 
the two most fun things to do in cold 
weather. 

And in a recent conversation I had 
with a friend of mine, we speculated 
about our lives and why we are such 
scoundrels. He summarized his psycho- 
logical set this way: "I can't help it. There 
are days when [look at every man on the 
street and want to fight him, and I look 
at every woman on the street and want 
to fuck her. That's just the way it 

These two quotes capture the way that 
most guys secretly feel about their crude, 
basic inner compulsions. Frequently 
tempted to stray sexually, often mired in 
pugnacity, looking for trouble wherever 
they can find it, the majority of suppos- 
edly modern men are driven and ambi- 
tious people—fighters and fuckers and 
competitors—from an carly age. In their 
hearts and minds, they dwell where the 
wild things are, just as if they were hunt- 
ers and warriors from tribes past. To- 
day's males are often c ed for their 
baser instincts, but they didn't simply 
purchase those instincts in some super- 
market. Their instincts have been bred 
into them over the millennia and passed 
down from generation to generation— 
and from several species. 

That's the big news here: Evidence sug- 
gests we are the inheritors of genes from 
several groups, not just Homo sapiens 
who migrated out of Africa and inter- 
bred in Europe and western Asia be- 
tween 100,000 and 600,000 years ago. 
Previously, it was thought they shunned 
intercourse with the foreigners they ran 


ME CAVEMAN, 
YOU CAVEMAN 


into (like the Neanderthals)—and sup- 
posedly isolated those same Neander- 
thals and drove them into extinction, 
never sharing intimacies with them, al- 
lowing no traces of their genes to contam- 
inate the “out of Africa" gene pool. 

However, some scientists have chal- 
lenged that simplistic vision. They sug- 
gest that the genes of species like the 
Neanderthals commingled with other 
species and exist in us today. If true, that 
explains a lot about our behavior. To 
quote Alan Templeton, a biologist at Wash- 
ington University who published an arti- 
cle last March about this subject in the 
journal Nature: " Human populations in 
Africa and Eurasia have not been geneti- 
cally isolated from one another, but rath- 
er have been interchanging genes for at 
least 600,000 years." 

What does Templeton mean? To put 
it bluntly, I think he means that during 
their migrations out of Africa, our ances- 
tors were continually interbreeding with 
the Neanderthals, not exiling them, but 
absorbing them. In other words, a lot of 
wild-ass fucking was going on between 
various species in the past 60,000-plus 
decades. You and I are products of that 
activity. 

“You part-Neanderthal, me part-Ne- 
anderthal" seems to be an inevitable fact, 
given what Templeton politely calls “the 
ubiquity of genetic interchange” be- 
tween modern and less modern popula- 
tions. Males of many species throughout 
history were born to spread their seed 
wherever it appealed to them, and there 
were many Neanderthal females who 
looked fine for that purpose. Eventually, 
there was enough genetic interchange to 
allow all humanity to evolve into a single 


species. But, Templeton says, “the no- 
tion that there was not sharing of a sin- 
gle gene between the modern and non- 
modern members of the species doesn't 
make a lot of sense. 

Here is a scenario that makes sense: 
You are a member of a tribe moving 
from Africa into Europe in search of wa- 
ter and better soil. On your trek into 
your new continent, you often see Ne- 
anderthal-style creatures hovering near 
your campfires. They seem semihuman, 
and they interest you. But your mother 
tells you to stay away from that kind of 
riffraff, primarily because their females 
are immoral and highly sexed. 

One day you are confronted with Miss 
Neanderthal of 300,000 s.c. She am- 
bushes you near the pine forest at dusk, 
and you stand transfixed in front of her. 
Sure, she looks a little kinky, with her 
sloping forehead and short legs, but 
she's got great tits and a gleam in her eye 
and she beckons to you with a childlike 
y that mixes sexily with a certain 
fundamental barbarism. As Miss Nean- 
derthal signals, you have two conflicting 
thoughts: She pretty. She make me feel 
funny. I want. I like, you say to yourself. 
Then you remember Mom: But Mommy 
say Neanderthal chicks bad. Me not sup- 
posed to touch them. Me supposed to 
keep my dork under my bearskin and 
keep my gene pool pure. 

Which of these options are you going 
to choose? Will you run away from Miss 
Neanderthal to preserve your undefiled 
bloodline—or will you take out your 
throbbing weenie and insert it into all 
the glistening orifices offered by Miss Ne- 
anderthal as often as possible? Gosh, let 
me guess. 

Call me crazy if you want, but this re- 
cent research into our origins is some 
of the best news I have heard in my life- 
time. If Templeton's theories about our 
complex journey into single species sta 
tus are proved sound, the following two 
things might happen someday 

(1) It might finally be acknowledged 
that all human beings are mongrels, ge- 
netically speaking. All of us come from 
mixed and confused parentage. No per- 
son today possesses an unadulterated 
bloodline that guarantees him or her 
purebred credentials. Not even the rac- 
ists and fascists among us. 

(2) Men might finally forgive them- 
selves for their aggressive instincts and 
better understand the forces that propel 
them into so many violent and destruc 
tive situations. And with that forgiveness 
and understanding, they might be able 
to better control themselves, since being 
forewarned can also mean being fore- 
armed. What say you, caveman? 


COMING SOON. WE KNOW YOU WISH YOU WERE. 


iioi 


SOUR Masa 


WHISK 


TLED AT THE DISTILLER 
LED AT THE DISTILLERY 


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hey...il’s personal 


Lamborghini Scores a Bull's-Eye 
It's called the Murciéloga, after o caurageaus 19th century fighting bull whose prageny cantinue ta challenge motadors. Na wonder Lam- 
barghini chose it as the name far its newest sports coupe—a raging bull af a car with a 580-harsepower V12 engine, o six-speed gearbox 
and gull-wing doors. Time your shifts properly, and yau'll see 62 miles per hour in 3.8 seconds. Lamborghini claims the Murciélaga con ex- 
ceed 205 mph. Reach that speed and the car's four-wheel-drive system and electronically controlled reor spoiler will be welcome features. 
The interior? Leather, af course, including the steering wheel. The price is a mere $273,000. A navigatian system is optional 


A Sundae Kind of Love 


EX FINGER ON ) | Malcolm X created sundaes while 
ADEFOR | warking as o sada jerk. Gls ote 
them on the battlefields in World 
War II. The first sundae was 
served in America in April 
1892. Hold the cherries. You'll 
find everything you ever want- 
ed ta know abaut sundaes, 
including the best sundoe 
parlors in the U.S., in Red 
Rock Press’ Month of Sun- 
does. Author Michael Tur- 
bock is o restourateur wha 
claims he eats a sundae 
every doy опа daesn't 
goin weight. He's also a 
marathoner. Just read- 
ing the ingredients in 
the baok's 150 sun- 
doe recipes puts 
weight cn most peo 
ple. Price: $19.95, 
in baakstores. 


Let's Tea It Up 


With names such as Bushmen’s Brew, Monkey King and Gold- 
en Chai, Numi's newest line of teos ond teasons (the compo- 
ny term for herbol “teas” with no ails or flavorings) sounds 
like something from Tarzan of the Apes. But the handcrafted 
bamboo box pictured here seems more evacative of o Somer- 
set Maugham novel. Red Mellow Bush, a teason derived from 
a South African red herb, is as rich in antioxidants os green 
teo. Dry Desert Lime is loaded with vitamin C. All toste greot. 
Nine different teas (45 tea bags) housed in your choice cf a 
birch- or mohogony-finished box costs $35 from joetogo 
com. Smoller boxes that hold six tea bags are about $7. 


Keep It Quiet 
The notion of pad- 
dling o kayak up а 
lazy river for а seclud- 
ed picnic ond love in 
the afternoon sounds 
wonderful. But to get 
down to business 
foster, try a PowerKok, 
the world's first gas- 
powered prop-jet 
propulsion kayak. Its 
motor is a Honda 1.5 
hp four-stroke model 
that will propel the 
craft to speeds up to 7 
mph, depending on 
weight load and wind 
and water conditions. 
(The motor shuts off if 
the koyak rolls over.) 
Several types of two- 
person kayaks are 
available for obout 
$2500. For more 
information, go to 
powerkak.com. 


Clothesline: 
Joe Rogan 


The host of NBC's hit 
show Fear Factor says his 
style is "anything I can kill 
and skin. Moose, bear— 
whatever's in my neck of 
the woods, and that in- 
cludes vinyl and chain 
mail. | haven't killed any 
vinyl this year. It’s been а 
tough season.” Rogan 
weors jeans and T-shirts а 
lot but calls his personol 
style “kind of boring. If it 
loaks good, I wear it. | got 
most of my clothes from 
the NewsRadio wordrobe 
department [Rogan was a 
regular on the former 
NBC sitcom]. After 90 
episodes | have 90 sels of clathes, because | could never wear 
an autfit twice. | just kept all my stuff. No one cared—they had 
to buy it anyway. To me, dressing up is stupid. Whenever | have 
to wear a tuxedo, | feel like I'm in mego-full-of-shit mode.” 


Guys Are Talking About... 


Surveillance stuff. X10 Wireless Technology's Ninja Pan 'n Tilt 
Camera Kit, pictured here, indudes an XCam2 wireless color 
video camera with a built-in transmitter and micraphane that 
operate on multiple technologies, including hame electrical sys- 
tems, infrared and the Internet. Yau can run, but you can't hide. 
The price for a kit with the XCam2, power supplies, wireless 
transmitter, PC receiver, USB video capture adapter and soft- 
ware is abaut $260. € Her Pleasure. That's the name of a new 
lubricated condom fram Trajan that's designed to enhance a 
woman's sexual satisfactian. The secret is a design af raised 
rings near the condom's open end that "stimulate 

а woman's most sensitive, sensual areas.” Price: 

abaut $9 for a box af 12, © Hip Hatels: Italy. The 

latest Thames and Hudson title in the Hip Hotels 

series takes you from the Hotel Signum in the Ae- 

alian Isles to Venice's d 

Palazzo Vendramin, Е 

with stops on Capri and m 

in Rome, Florence, Mi- 

lan and Noples. Pric 

$29.95. The baok'scolorpho- — 

tos will get yau packing. ® Love Han- 

dles. On you, not her, and wha needs 

them? Nickel, the French cosmetics 

company, has created what it claims is 

the world’s first anticellulite cream for “ 

men. Appropriately named Poignées 

D'Amour (or Love Handles), a 200 ml tube 

will set you back about $40. Pay up, chub- 

bies. Nickel claims that a man's cellulite is 

easier to eliminate than a waman's. 


WHERE AND HOW TO BUY ON PAGE 149 


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In July 1942, America's magazine publishers joined 
together to inspire the nation by featuring the American 
flag on their covers. 


Be Inspired. 
Visit the 60" Anniversary exhibition of WWII 


magazine covers. 


THROUGH OCTOBER 27, 2002 
SMITHSONIAN’S NATIONAL MUSEUM OF 
AMERICAN HISTORY 
WASHINGTON, DC 


www.americanhistory.si.edu/1942 


IE) Smithsonian 


гу) 
T) 
У National Museum of American History M МА 


Behring Center MAGAZINE PUBLISHERS or AMERICA 


Шс Playboy Advisor 


M, friends and I were the last guests 
at a party. Everyone was a little drunk 
Someone posed a question to the group: 
“What's the oddest thing you've mastur- 
bated to?” One girl said NFL football, a 
guy said receptionists (not a particular 
receptionist, but the idea) and another 
guy said women who smoke calabash- 
type pipes. All of these answers passed 
without comment. Then I said, "Cartoon 
women"—notably Ной Would from the 
movie Cool World, Julia Chang from the 
video game Tekken 3 and Rogue from 
X-Men comics. My friends all laughed 
hysterically. Am I as fucked up as they 
claim?—S.]., New Orleans, Louisiana 
You're taking grief from those weirdos? 


A woman who has worked for me for 12 
years is having an affair with a service 
technician who visits my shop. Her hus- 
band also works for me. 1 am concerned 
that ifor when she is caught, she and her 
husband will both quit, which will be bad 
for my business. Гуе become involved 
to the point where I schedule the hus- 
band's business trips to coincide with 
when his wife is over her period so she 
and the tech can more easily have sex. 
My questions are: (1) Do you have any 
statistics that report the outcomes of 
these situations? (2) Should I be this in- 
volved? I am a married man who seve) 
al ycars ago also had an affair with this 
woman, but it ended without anyone 
knowing.— C.F., Seattle, Washington 

Not only did you step in it, you jumped up 
and down. Unless the woman or the tech call 
it quits, this is going to end badly. Do your 
best to distance yourself; if she wants to 
cheat, make her work al it like everyone else. 
When it all goes to hell (and our statistical 
analysis shows it will), hire the technician to 
replace the husband. Or is he married, too? 


In May a reader wrote to ask why his girl- 
friend felt numbness in her hands fol- 
lowing orgasm. The Advisor said this oc- 
curred because the blood was needed in 
her genitals. As a physician, let me set 
the record straight. This numbing is 
caused not by diversion of blood but by 
hyperventilation, which is well known 
to be associated with sexual activity and 
orgasms. In fact, hyperventilation can 
cause carpopedal spasm (numbness and 
tingling in the fingers and toes) and cir- 
cumoral paresthesia (numbness and tin- 
gling around the lips). These are caused 
by overbreathing, blowing off too much 
CO» and altering your acid-base bal- 
ance. Early in our relationship, my girl- 
friend noted that her fingers and toes 
felt numb after sex. I asked if her lips 
also felt numb. She said they did but 


that she had attributed it to the vigorous 
blow jobs she gives me. Another time 
she fainted after orgasm. Being a multi 
orgasmic woman may carry unexpected 
medical risks and dating one requires 
vigilance and preparation —S.F, New 
York, New York 

Thanks for the clarification. We'll add a 
paper bag lo our erotic 1001 kit. 


1 copy my music CDs to use at work and 
in the car so I don't scratch my originals. 
Occasionally I hear a rhythmic clicking 
noise. It only happens with certain cop- 
ies. Is this a problem with my player or 
the CDs?—PC., Alamosa, Colorado 

The clicks ан ly the result of anticopy- 
ing technology. A growing number of CDs 
can t be played on CD or DVD computer 
drives or, if they can, they introduce distor- 
tions to copies. This has made many con- 
sumers unhappy. You can find a list of copy- 
protected CDs at fatchucks.com. 


Whenever I'm talking to a girl, I run 
out of things to say 30 seconds into the 
conversation. The only thing I can think 
is, Say something, stupid. Help!—TJ., 
San Francisco, California 

Relax. You don't have to convince a wom- 
an that you're her soul mate, Make eye con- 
tact, introduce yourself, then do what you do 
whenever you meet someone new—ask ques- 
tions. Keep things light (How do you know 
the hast? Seen any good movies? What do 
you do for a living?) and listen for common 
interests. Don't bail at the first awkward si- 
lence; compliment her shoes. If a woman 
wants a conversation to continue, she'll ask 
questions of you. If not, you'll pick up the 
vibe and excuse yourself. 


ILLUSTRATION BY ISTVAN BANYAI 


Last week I came home earlier than ex- 
pected and found my husband of four 
months naked on the living room floor 
with the stereo blaring. He was too in- 
volved to notice I was in the room. My 
husband is no contortionist, nor is he 
well endowed, but he was adeptly lick- 
ing and sucking the head of his penis. I 
couldn't believe what I was seeing and 
finally yelled at him to let him know 
he had an audience. He told me that he 
had been doing it since high school, it 
isn't abnormal and most guys vould do 
it if they were able. He swears that he 
has no homosexual tendencies. It seems 
kinky to me—and not necessarily in a 
good way. How common is this, and do I 
need to be as concerned as I am?—G S. 
Columbus, Ohio 

We assume you're less concerned with the 
masturbation than with the method. Autofel- 
latio is uncommon but doesn't indicate any- 
thing except that your husband will always 
have a job in the porno circus. Sex researcher. 
Alfred Kinsey found that two or three males 
out of a thousand could suck their own 
penises, with many others acknowledging 
that they had come up short. Completing the 
circle is a habit among chimpanzees, rhesus 
monkeys and other primates, prompting Kin- 
sey to observe, “In his psychic drive, the hu- 
man animal is more mammalian than even 
his anatomy allows him to be.” We heard this 
month from a reader who said he had leaned 
over and licked his penis while his new girl- 
friend was giving him head. How's that for 
а freak-out? You have a special guy there. 
Don't let him roll away. 


How hard would it be for someone to ac- 
cess my online chats? How about instant 
message conversations?—T.K., Tallahas- 
sec, Florida 

Having second thoughts about that online 
dalliance? America Online, as an example, 
doesw't archive chats or instant message 
However, the only way to have a complete- 
ly secure conversation is to talk to yourself. 
Either party can capture and save the ex- 
change as it happens. 


Í broke up with a woman who was the 
most amazing lover I've ever had. Un- 
fortunately, she wasa head trip. She had 
been abused by her mother, abandoned 
by her father, sexually assaulted by her 
stepmother and raped by two men in her 
teens, plus she is addicted to alcohol, co- 
caine and painkillers. She is bipolar and 
has panic disorder. But she wanted sex 
daily—oral, anal, bondage, span 
role playing, exhibitionism (she worked 
as an exotic dancer), dominance and 
submission. Because she is bisexual, she 
had a habit of bringing her girlfriends 


E 


45 


PLAYBOY 


home for me to screw while she licked 
my asshole or organized a tag-team blow 
job. She also had the uncanny ability to 
get gorgeous strangers in bars, malls and 
restaurants to show me their tits. Does a 
woman have to be completely fucked in 
the head to be such а godsend?—P J., Ar- 
lington, Virginia 

No. There are plenty of well-adjusted wom- 
en who love crazy sex. They're just harder 
to find. 


What is the purpose of those litle caps 
ригро р 


on the valves of my tires?—L.W., Colum- 


v designed to bounce under your 
car, out of reach. Many people believe that 
valve caps keep air from leaking out. What 
they actually do is keep grit and dirt from 
sneaking in. “If the cap has been missing 
and air is added, the dirt around and inside 
the valve stem will contaminate it,” explains 
David Solomon of MotorMinute.com. “That 
can cause a slow leak, which adds wear to 
your tire. If you suspect a stem is leaking, put 
a little spit on the end and watch for a bub- 
ble. It takes a tire shop only a few minutes to 
replace it.” 


V have heard of women who want to re- 
main virgins until they meet Mr. Right, 
but to keep their boyfriends happy, they 
agree to oral or anal sex. In my book, 
a woman who has done either of those 
things is no longer a virgin. What do you 
think, and what is the consensus on the 
topic?—C.E., Sarasota, Florida 

Because a woman can define or defend 
her virginity as she chooses, this is essential- 
ly a parlor game. In one poll, 40 percent of 
723 teenagers said they didn't consider oral 
sex to be a cherry buster; in another, 59 per- 
cent of 600 Midwestern college students said 
the same (although only 19 percent felt that 
way about anal). The older and wiser John 
Updike suggests that oral sex is more inti- 
mate than intercourse because you're fucking 
your partner's face. Is hard to argue that 
you don't lose some amount of innocence af- 
ter having butt sex for the first time, no mat- 
ter what your age or experience. Maybe 
what's needed is a new vocabulary: “Em a 
radical virgin—never even touched myself.” 
“Tm а vaginal virgin," “I'm an ana-vagi- 
virgin.” There's also the notion that, at least 
biologically, any act that can't lead to off- 
spring should be considered foreplay. We 
don't buy it. but it might get you laid. 


When is it acceptable to wear leather 
pants?—D.M., Detroit, Michigan 

When you're trying out for the Village 
People. 


M, wife of five years likes the clean- 
shaven look on her genitals. We've tried 
using a razor and shaving cream, but it 
causes razor burn and also makes her 
nervous. Nair doesn't irritate her skin as 
much but burns like a mother if any of it 


46 gets inside her. What is the trick that so 


many of your models use, or is that just 
the magic of airbrushing?—].E., Mil- 
waukee, Wisconsin 

Our models have professional help. Shav- 
ing your genitals is tricky business, and de- 
pilatories are always a bad idea. The poor 
man’s method is to cut the hair close with a 
blunt-nosed scissors, apply a warm wet towel 
to soften the stubble, spread shaving cream 
and carefully stroke each area no more than 
with the grain and then against. 
you're careful, shell probably suffer 
some irritation. She also may have to shave 
at least daily, or the combination of sharp 
hairs growing back and sensitive skin will be 
unbearable as she walks around. You might 
want to upgrade to the $15 Ladyfair shaver 
to trim the hair to stubble and the $50 
Seiko Cleancut to shave and for touch-ups. 
The battery-powered razors are imported 
from Hong Kong and Japan by lan Mark, a 
having evangelist who sells them at 
‚sualproducts.com or 210-696-2329. 


In April you told a reader there wasn't 
much to be done to prevent yellow arm- 
pit stai s shirts. That may be true, 
but white vinegar can get rid of them. 
Sponge it on or soak the stains for 30 
then launder the shirts in the 
hottest water safe for the fabric.—B.M., 
Cedar Hill, Texa: 

Thanks for the tip. Another reader sug- 
gested pouring an equal mixture of laun- 
dry soap, bleach and dishwasher detergent 
(granules) into a hot-water wash, letting it 
dissolve and adding the shirts. After about 
three washes, she says, your whites will be 
white again. Or try a prewash scrubbing 
with a baking soda paste or a shampoo de- 
signed for oily hair: 


This past March, rraveoy published in- 
terviews with various porn actresses. 
"The first question to Brittany Andrews 
was whether porn had introduced her to 
anything she hadn't tried before. She a 
swered, "Double fisting." I assume she 
meant having two fists inserted into her 
vagina (or anus?) at the same time. Is 
that safe? Is it widely practiced?— ].C., 
Minneapolis, Minnesota 

Widely is the only way it's practiced. A 
vagina cau expand enough to accommodate 
a newborn, so a fist, or even two, is possible 
ifa woman is sufficiently wet and relaxed. A 
supply of lube and latex gloves is essential. 
The practice is common enough that at least 


your hand through and marvel as it’s con- 
sumed by her cunt. Once inside, clench and 
unclench your fist, like a beating heart. If 
you've ever wondered what an orgasm feels 
like [rom a woman's perspective, fisting is a 
great way to find out.” Power to the ри: 
We recommend gelting the boi 
tails before attempting this maneuver, Anal 
fisting is more popular with gay men and 
has a higher risk of injury. 


What am 1 doing wrong on the infor- 
mation highway? I spent two months 
subscribed to an online dating service 
and heard from only five women. One 
was in Lithuania and the others were 
chubby and not especially forthcoming. 
I feel like a loser boy, not a playboy.— 
].5., Omaha, Nebraska 

Its too early to be discouraged. When you 
meet women online, you're playing а num- 
bers game, just as you do when you meet 
strangers al bars or parties. You may need to 
have hundreds of encounters before you find 
one that clicks. Some of the problem may be 
how you present yourself (always include a 
flattering photo with your profile, for exam- 
ple, and follow the site's tips for crafting a 
compelling ad). The advantage of online dat- 
ing is that you can do it more efficiently than 
face-to-face. The best way to meet women is 
still off-line: Have your friends set you up. 


М, fiancée and I are trying to have a 
child. When I ejaculate inside her and 
pull out, my semen spills out a few mo- 
ments later. We've tried crossing her legs 
or holding them straight up in the air, 
but she still hasn't become pregnant. 
Could it be that my sperm doesn't react 
well with her body?—W.A., Philadelphia, 
Pennsylvania 

Backflow isn't anything to be concerned 
about. A study by two British biologists found 
that, for a variety of reasons, a woman's body 
rejects about a third of the 300 million sperm 
in a typical ejaculation. They also discovered 
something else: If a woman has her orgasm 
soon after the guy, the contractions suck the 
sperm into her uterus, and she retains move 
of them. If she doesn’t have an orgasm, or she 
comes before the guy, she retains less. She al- 
so retains less if she has “noncopulatory or- 
gasms"—that is, through masturbation, wet 
dreams or oral quickies. So don't cross your 
fiancée’s legs. Instead, shove a pillow under 
her ass, work her сїй with a finger, tongue or 
vibrator and wail for a giant sucking sound. 


one sex manual—A Hand in the Bush—is 
devoted to the topic. Its author, Deborah 
Addington, suggests taking it slow (no kid- 
ding) and adding lube cach time you insert 
a finger. When you've worked up to four 
and a thumb (palm up), "add more 
- When you have a big, slippery mess 
and you're sure that you've used more than 
enough, add more. If she still feels light, gen- 
tly open and close your fingers as if you were 
making a hand puppet talk. Remind her to 
relax her vaginal, sphincter and PC muscles. 
When you're both reads, ease the bridge of 


All reasonable questions—from fashion, food 
and drink, stereo and sports cars to dat- 
ing dilemmas, taste and etiquette—will be 
personally answered if the writer includes a 
self-addressed, stamped envelope. The mast 
provocative, pertinent questions will be pre- 
sented in these pages cach month. Write the 
Playbay Advisor, тлувох, 680 North Lake 
Sho: icago, Illinois 60611, or 
send e-mail by visiting playboyadvisor.com. 


Rug ian Dal 
OCHADLO que 


5 
Кесә 
соо DOLCE 


«f 


©2002 Playbowcom, 


How close is close enough? 


Find out with our 
zoom technology. 


cyber.playboy.com/join/0802 


THE PLAYBOY FORUM 


y the time I get to the exe- 
cution chamber where the 
State of Georgia is going to 


kill my friend Byron Parker, the wit- 
ness room is filled almost to capacity. 

Behind a large window is a tableau. 
Byron, wearing a prison uniform, is 
trussed to a gurney, his arms out- 
spread slightly—the better to display 
the needles inserted in them. 

His witnesses—myself and three of 
his lawyers—had come to the cham- 
ber through a guards’ locker room. 
Inside hung a poster. NEVER GIVE UP 
HOPE it read, under a photograph of 
flowers blooming through 
snow. There is no place on 
earth so suffused with irony 
and so devoid of awareness 
of hope as death row. 

Parker knows more about 
hope than anybody in the 
execution room. He fought 
hard to find it, too. In 1984, 
as a 24-year-old, he'd com- 
mitted a horrific murder, 
abducting then strangling 
an 11-year-old girl, Christie 
Ann Griffith. Byron con- 
fessed to his crime. He 
spent his time in the state 
prison in Jackson, on G 
block of death row, trying 
to figure out why he had 
done what he'd done and 
what to do about it. 

One day his mother sent 
him an article by Georgia's poet lau- 
reate, Bettie Sellers. Byron wrote her 
a letter from the depths of despair. 
Moved by its emotional power, she re- 
sponded. He asked her to teach him 
to write. She did, and the words came 
pouring out: poetry, short stories, 
screenplays, the start of a couple of 
novels and an amazing number of 
letters. Television writer and novel- 
ist Karen Hall befriended Byron, and 
introduced him to me. We talked reg- 
ularly for 12 years—about his case, 
football, music, depression, movies, 
law, cancer, our strange families, sur- 
viving in prison, drugs (legal and 
otherwise), education, politics, his 
fellow prisoners, literature and why 
cold weather was better than hot. We 
talked about what he'd done and why. 


By that time, Byron had his GED and 
was taking college-level courses in 
writing, psychology and criminology. 
He was even teaching other prisoners 
to read and write. 

Whenever the subject of his execu- 
tion came up, Byron just said he was 
too busy to die. I figured he was do- 
ing all he could to make himself look 
good to the pardons board. He final- 
ly explained it to the appeals lawyers: 
“I came in here and saw everyone just 
wasting their time away. I thought, 
Each of these guys killed somebody. 
And now their lives are all going to 


waste, too. And I decided, right then, 
that the life of the little girl I killed 
was not going to be lost for nothing.” 

That's the essence of rehabilitation, 
the belief that a prisoner can remake 
himself, become, in effect, a changed 
man. It's another word for hope, a 
concept the prison system supposedly 
takes into account. 

Many of those who oppose the 
death penalty argue that the justice 
system is flawed, that it is inevitable 
we will execute innocent men. They 
point to the inequities involved in 
the process: poverty, race, lawyer com- 
petence, police misconduct, prosecu- 


By DAVE MARSH 


tors and judges angling for votes. Oth- 
ers simply believe it's wrong to kill, 
that the state does the very thing for 
which it gives the death sentence. 

People who support the death pen- 
alty argue that vengeance serves a 
purpose. If a person is found guilty, 
Justice will be served by the ultimate 
punishment. 

The polarized debate obscures the 
middle ground created by clemency. 
A condemned prisoner has the right 
to ask for clemency. Commuting a 
sentence to life still protects society. 
Unfortunately, clemency is subject to 
politics, not principle. 

Georgia's clemency pro- 
cess is a charade. Since 
1973 the State Board of 
Pardons and Paroles has 
considered the plight of 
38 death row inmates. Of 
those, 28 were executed. 
Those are obviously poor 
odds. To offer hope where 
almost none exists is ar- 
guably its own form of 
cruelty. 

Of the five-member clem- 
ency panel, two are under 
criminal investigation for 
kickbacks—by the same 
state attorney general who 
is the advocate for death at 
clemency proceedings. An- 
other member of the pan- 
v el is being sued—and he is 
being defended by the same attorney 
general. In a state that is conserva- 
tive, none of these men are inclined 
to thwart the public's lust for ven- 
geance or to override the pain of the 
mother of Byron Parker's victim, who 
told the press that on the day of his 
execution, she would go to her daugh- 
ter's grave to tell her, “Baby, rest in 
peace, because your killer is dead." 
He took everything away from me, 
and | hope he burns in hell.” 

In 1972 the Supreme Court de- 
clared that the death penalty, as prac- 
ticed by the State of Georgia, was un- 
constitutional. Supreme Court Justice 
Potter Stewart called it “wantonly and 
freakishly imposed." Four years later 
the Court reversed itself and Georgia 


49 


reinstated public executions. 

In an attempt to make the proce- 
dure less freakish, Georgia adopted 
the supposedly humane lethal injec- 
tion method. 1 say supposedly be- 
cause Jose High, the second prisoner 
executed, spent more than an hour 
crying out as inept prison technicians 
(no doctor is allowed to participate in 
an execution, and no legitimate med- 
ical personnel will) looked for a vein. 
Nobody paid much attention to what 
High did, in any event. After all, he 


was retarded and insanc. Perhaps the 


n January 2001 The Playboy Fo- pry it from my cold dead fingers. 
rum interviewed Michael Belle- layton Cramer, an independent 
siles, author of Arming America: historian (read gadfly), posted on his 
The Origins of a National Gun Cul- website a 300-page critique that be- 

ture. We recognized а classic agent came the cut-and-paste template for a 

provocateur, a historian who had the letter-writing campaign by the МВА. 

nerve to challenge a cherished myth, Some of the complaints bordered on 
to ask novel questions and to assem- nitpicking. On one page of Arming 
ble a wealth of supportive evidence. America, Bellesiles had misquoted the 
pardons board thought that execu- The cherished myth? That America Militia Act of 1792, suggesting that 
tion amounted to a mercy killing. was the home of the gun-toting pi Congress would provide with 

As the result of that botched proce- neer, the minuteman with a musketin firearms, rather than each citizen be- 
dure, the state changed its execution one hand and the other on a plow. ing responsible for providing his 
ritual: Witnesses are no longer al- Bellesiles claimed that he had gone own. That language was actually tak- 
lowed into the chamber until the nee- looking for evidence of gun use in en from the 1803 amendment to the 
dles have been successfully inserted. early America and found that “when 1792 Act, which held each citizen re- 

Thus the tableau in front of us. the brave patriot reached above the sponsible for providing his own 


When Byron learned his execution 
date, he appealed. He argued that 
the pardons board was a stacked 
deck, noting that its chairman, Walter 
Ray, had allegedly boasted that as 
long as he was running things, no 
death row prisoner would be given 
clemency. Byron asked the court to 
appoint a new pardons board 

A federal judge found that al- 
though the chairman may have ex- 
pressed such a troubling prejudice, 
it didn't disqualify him from ruling 
on Byron's fate. The clemency hear- 
ing—with the existing board mem- 
They didn't even 
st a meeting held 
ss of our hearts.” 
Byron, on the advice of his lawyers, 
chose not to attend. The panel de- 
nied clemency. 


feson he funding gun there at a 
Those turned out to be 


fighting words, as did 
the author's claim that 
America's love affair 
with the gun was an in- 
vented tradition.” 
Bellesiles told us that 
he had become aware of 
the missing guns while 
studying probate rec- 
ords, "the most com- 
plete record of proper- 
ty ownership in early 
America. They contain 
lists of absolutely every- 
thing a person owned— 
scraps of metal, broken 
glasses, bent spoons, bro- 
Ken plows. While study- 


Arming 


America 


academic 


firestorm. 


weapon and accoutrements. Bellesiles 
corrected the error in subsequent 
editions. The game of intellectual 
“gotcha” had us baffled: The 
1803 amendment seemed 
to prove Bellesiles’ point— 
that after 11 yea i 


the militia would provide 
its own arms, Congress saw 
the light and took steps to 


ELEC оп properly arm it 


Last spring the William 
and Mary Quarterly devoted 
an issue to critiques of Arm- 
ing America and Bellesiles, 
pushing up its publication 
date to respond to the con- 
troversy. It makes for a cu- 


political rious read. Historian Ran- 


dolph Roth granted that 
Bellesiles was correct when 


In the last act of this particular cha- ing these probate rec- he said, “Many American 
rade, everyone in the execution cham- ords, I realized I was not men lacked the training and 
ber remains impassive. When the seeing guns. When I took equipment to fight wars or 


a look at the frontiers of western to hunt deer, bears or wolves." But, 
Pennsylvania and northern New Eng- Roth continued, “There is evidence 
land, I found guns in only 10 percent that low-quality guns, many of them 
of the probate records, and half of useless for combat or for hunting 
those guns were not in working or- — large game, played important roles in 
der. Since then, I've read 11,150 pro- the day-to-day lives of many Ameri- 
bate records, samples over a 100-year cans.” What does this historian con- 
period, and 1 have found guns in 13 sider important? He cites two news- 
percent of the probate records. Prior paper accounts, the first one from the 
to 1850, the gun is just not there.” Telegraphe of Rockbridge County, Vir- 

Arming America generated ап aca- — Бима report in the summer 
demic and political firestorm. Critics. of 1804, on Captain Findley's mus- 
and character assassins accused Belle- — ter day, “his company produced 1783 
‚ | siles of inaccuracy and squirrel scalps. Several squirrels had 
then pronounce Parker dead. One of per editing of quotation: been killed whose scalps were not 
the men announces, "The prisoner outright fabrication of evidence. At produced. We may estimate then that 
having been pronounced dead, the stake was the historical basis of thc within the last three months, 2000 
sentence of the State of Georgia has Second Amendment, the right of the squirrels have been killed. If each 
been carried ош." Now two lives had | individual to keep and bear arms. As company in the county has been suc- 
been wasted. in, they can have my gun when they cessful, there must have been 35,000 


time comes, Byron refuses to make a 
last statement—as he'd refused to ask 
for a last meal and initially refused 
even to name any witnesses "because 
I don't want to put anyone I care 
about through that." He did ask for 
and received a pra 

Byron had been closing his eyes off 
and on since we entered, and when 
he closes them around 7:20, they nev- 
er reopen. After about five minutes, 
two men dressed to look like doctors 
come in and use their stethoscopes, 


MERICA В 


to 40,000 squirrels killed within the last 
three months. Now if we estimate, as 
is commonly done, that each squirrel 
would destroy one bushel of corn, the 
saving to the county must be very great 
indeed." 

Just to show that this is not mere- 
ly a fluke, Roth quotes a second story, 
from the Herald of Rutland, Vermont, 
circa 1821, with the headline DREADFUL 
SLAUGHTER—OF THE SQUIRREL: “A corps 
of sharpshooters, consisting of 40 men 
and youth, organized into two equal 
bodies, under captains Peirpont and 
Daniels, of this village, on Wednesday 
last, sallied forth upon the above spe- 
cies of vermin. The number of slain 
brought to headquarters and counted 
was 4961. Thus in the short space of 
48 hours was a very numerous and 
destructive foe nearly annihilated by 
a handful of our enterprising sharp- 
shooter 

And consider this gem, again from 
Roth: "Bellesiles is right to think 
that early Americans were not adept 
at firing musket balls. They were 

ult to use, liable to burst the bar- 
rel of a gun if packed with too much 
powder and useless against birds, small 
game and pests. That does not mean 
early Americans were not knowledge- 
able about firearms. In 1801, friend: 
cautioned Levi Warren, a young mi 
litiaman in Swanzy, New Hampshire, 
against overloading his gun, but he 
insisted, intent on firing an extraor- 
dinarily loud report to honor the com- 
mission of several new officers. In 1788, 
a Mr. Scales of Concord, New Hamp- 
shire rejected the same advice from 
friends as they prepared to salute an- 
other officer, saying ‘I will venture it." 
Both men lost their lives, Warren when 
his gun burst, and Scales when the 
force of the discharge wheeled him in 
front of a comrade as the man fired. 
Everyone present, including the vic- 
tims, knew that firing a musket ball 
was a different enterprise from firing 
shot and that it could produce differ- 
ent effects." 

Maybe gun culture hasn't changed 
all that much in 200 years. There's no 
amount of expertise that damned fools 
who are intent on exercising their Sec- 
ond Amendment right can't ignore. 

The probate debate is a more trou- 
bling one. Critics claim to bave caught 
Bellesiles inflagrante de footnote. He 
says he studied records from San Fr: 
cisco, but other historians noted that all 


EVISI 


TED 


the probate records were destroyed in 
the 1906 earthquake and fire. Belle- 
siles responded by posting what appear 
to be San Francisco records, appar- 
ently found at the California History 
Center in Martinez. He also circulated 
records from the Contra Costa County 
Historical Society across the bay. The 
head archivist tbere insisted all her 
records were clearly marked Contra 
Costa County, not San Francisco, and 
who was this Mr. Bellesiles, anyway? 
Not one of the stories that gloated over 
this mix-up bothered to mention the 
number of guns itemized in this data- 
base, or how that number fits in with 
the author's thesi: 

Bellesiles has ex- 


pressed dismay that so much has been 
made of what was essentially five para- 
graphs in a 444-page book. The pro- 
bate data is one part of a body of evi- 
dence that includes diaries, letters, 
military histories, government ar 
chives, newspaper stories and books. 
When questioned, he could not pro- 
duce his original data on probate in- 
ventories (he says it was turned to sod- 
den pulp in a flooded office). He has 
explained his sampling method (he 
ampled two-year periods, not com- 
plete archives), his counting method 
(hatch marks on a legal pad). He post- 
ed on his website an essay on the prob- 
lems of using probate records. Since 


en it comes to guns, the 
age is publish and perish 


the publication of Arming America, he 
has revised the figure upward, now be- 
lieving that guns could be found in 
about 22 percent of probate records. 
But his thesis remains unchanged. 

Other scholars have examined dif- 
ferent probate records and come up 
with far higher figures. For example, 
Bellesiles says he looked at 186 estate 
records from Providence, Rhode Is- 
land and that, by his count, 48 percent 
of the wills mentioned guns. James 
Lindgren, a professor at Northwestern 
University, looked at the published ver- 
sion of those records, threw out 17 es- 
tates belonging to women and came up 
with 63 percent, Fabrication? Willful 
distortion? Bellesiles correctly argues 
that trying to interpret longhand Old 
English may account for the discrep- 
ancy. Isa "gonne" or "qoun" a musket 
or a gown? He admits that a longhand 

scrawl he read as "featherbed" an- 
other scholar read as "flintlock." A 
person could easily go blind read- 
ing these inventories. 

Lindgren looked at seven data- 
bases of colonial era probate records. 
He found guns listed in 50 percent 
to 73 percent of the male estates and 
in 6 percent to 38 percent of the 
female estates. Another historian 
looking at probate records found 

that guns were only slightly less 

prevalent than beds. The same 
study found 30 percent of estates 
listing any cash, 14 percent listing 
swords or other edge weapons, 25 
percent listing Bibles. 

Only one in four American homes 
had a Bible? So much for the belief 
that this is a Christian nation. 

We were prepared to print a 

ion: The figure in our Fo- 
rum interview was inaccurate—or at 
least subject to an ongoing debate. But 
then we encountered the following: 
According to Lindgren, “Twenty-three 
percent of the inventories in the lead- 
ing colonial database of 919 invento- 
ries include no clothes of any kind. Un- 
less, at their deaths, 23 percent of the 
wealth-holding males and females in 
colonial America were nudists every 
day all day long, inventories do not 
scrupulously record ‘every item in an 

Bellesiles had supposed 

y: This country was 
founded by a bunch of stark- d 
atheists who left their beds only to 
slaughter squirrels by the thousands 
We'd like to see that on a stamp. 


51 


R E 


E R 


THEOCRACY U.S.A. 

Patty Lamberti complains in 
"Theocracy Sucks" that reli- 
gious conservatives are intoler- 
ant (The Playboy Forum, May). 17 
anything, it's liberals who are 
overly intolerant. Consider Alec 
Baldwin's suggestion that Hen- 
ry Hyde be stoned to death, 
or PETA's saying how great it 
would be if all the slaughter- 
houses and fast-food restau- 
rants and the banks that fund 
them exploded tomorrow. 

Go online and you'll find web- 

tes that are devoted to quict- 
ing Dr. Laura, mocking Pill 
O'Reilly (blasted as a conserva- 
tive, though he's nothing of the 
sort) and even comparing Pres- 
ident Bush to a chimpanzee. 
Lamberti expresses her liberal 
intolerance when she concludes 
her piece by suggesting that 
members of the religious right 
be hunted down and shot. 

Lamberti uses religion to ex- 
plain agendas that have other 
motives. The military's desire to 
ban gays has nothing to do with 
homophobia. It has to do with 
men going into battle trusting 
one another. And the military is 
not a democracy—it's what pro- 
vides us with the luxury of hav- 
ing a democracy. 

Regarding abortion, liberals 
say they don't want the govern- 
ment to be involved in the rela- 
tionship between a woman and 
her doctor. The slogan they use 
is "Keep your laws olf my body. 
So the president does just that 
nd stops federal funding for 
overseas organizations that 
provide abortions. As any good 
libertarian will tell you (and 
PLAYBOY claims in that same is- 
sue to think of itself as libertari- 
an), funding means control. No 
funding equals no control. 


FOR THE RECORD 


“A person or organization shall not, with the 
intent to harm or intimidate, sell, trade, give, 
publish, distribute or otherwise release the resi- 
dential address, residential telephone number, 
birthdate or Social Security number of any law 
enforcement-related, corrections officer-relat- 
ed or court-related employee or volunteer, or 
someone with a similar name, and categorize 
them as such, without the express written per- 
mission of the employee or volunteer." 

—from the text of a new law in Washington Siate. 
The statute targels the website justicefiles.org, 
which in 1998 began posting legally obtained 
personal information about local and state police 
officers, prison guards and court officials, includ- 
ing home addresses, telephone numbers, salaries 
and Social Security numbers. Its oumer says the 
site “presents the same information the police 
themselves have at their disposal when they inves- 
tigate the rest of us.” Before the legislature got in- 
volved, a state appeals court ruled that the 
protected political speech but ordered ils owner to 
remove the Social Security numbers. 


Surprise! I'm a Christian wom- 
an who reads pLaveoy, listens 
to rock and roll, watches Will 
and Grace and loves The Catcher 
in the Rye. 1 was disgusted by 
“Theocracy Sucks.” Not every- 
one who has religious beliefs is 
some sort of lunatic. 

Leah Mori 
St. Paul, Minnesota 


1 ama staunch Republican, a 
devout atheist and a longtime 
subscriber. “Theocracy Sucks” 
is the most ignorant and insult- 
ing thing that I have read in 
the magazine, or anywhere, in a 
long time. 

Matt Carson 

Antioch, California 


Lamberti’s article was right 
on. It expressed my sentiments 
exactly—though 1 might have 
put them a bit more strongly 
She neglected to mention the 
Catholic Church's habit of let- 
ting priests they know damn 
well are pedophiles go from 
one church to the next, abus- 
ing children along the way. 1 
believe in God—1 just don't see 
him in any organized religion. 

Jack Oram 
Woodville, Texas 


Although I am an atheist, 
I found “Theocracy Sucks” bi- 
ased and logically flawed, even 
by PLAYBOY’ liberal standards 
A government that would put 
someone to death for possess- 
ing a PLAYBOY, as might have 
happened under the Taliban, 
cannot be compared to those 
citizens here who boycott Aber- 
crombie and Fitch because they 
feel its catalog is indecent. I 
s especially surprised by the 
crude comparison of the Tal- 


Like all leftists, Lamberti has an aver- 
sion to religion, But liberals have their 
own religion, Big Government, and 
they are as intolerant of other gods as 
the Taliban is 


Aaron Wands 
Castle Rock, Colorado 


Lamberti's article is engrossing and 
enlightening, but it's also heartbreak- 
ing, infuriating, hilarious and thought- 


provoking. Although the Taliban made 
our homegrown fundamentalists seem 
relatively innocuous, the Falwells and 
Robertsons are working hard to bridge 
the gap. They have succeeded in giving 
us a president who says he can look in- 
to a man’s eyes and read his soul and 
an attorney general who believes calico 
cats are signs of the devil. Is that scary 
or what? 


Gene McDougall 
Arlington Heights, Illinois 


iban's murder of gay men to the ac- 
tions of some of my fellow citizens who 
feel that homosexuality is immoral and 
work within the political system to pre- 
vent reforms such as gay marriage. If 
PLAYBOY were truly libertarian, it would 
not resort to attacks on well-meaning 
but misguided citizens who at least take 
the time to get involved and voice their 
opinions. 


Brandon Brod 
Santa Barbara, California 


R E S 


|—— ШЕП 


P O 


Lamberti asserts that only the Bill of 
Rights and our "vigorous democracy" 
hold back American religious zealots 
from imposing a Taliban-like despo- 
tism. Not surprisingly, she doesn't ac- 
knowledge that our Bill of Rights and 
vigorous democracy came into exis- 
tence in an era that was far more reli- 
gious than it is today. Maybe the zeal- 
ots were all home with the flu while 
the ACLU and People for the American 
Way ratified the Constitution. 

Andrew Ditch 
Geneva, New York 


LIBERAL VS. LIBERTARIAN 
Don't be too quick to dissociate your- 
self from the liberal cause. If it weren't 
for liberals, Hugh Hefner would have 
gone to jail 50 years ago for even think- 
ing about starting the magazine. But 
for liberals, the principles of the Com- 
Stock Act would rule the land. and wom- 
en wouldn't be displaying themselves 
in PLAYBOY. Your hypocrisy reminds me 
of someone who works as a scab, then 
stands in line for benefits while profess- 
ing that he doesn't need a union. 
Douglas Cole 
Lincoln, Nebraska 


You claim PLAYBOY is libertarian, yet 
your antigun agenda is hardly a cele- 
brated libertarian cause. 

Brian Govern 
Warren, Michigan 
Damn spell-check. We meant libertine. 


PRISONERS RESPOND 

James Bovard’s article in February, 
“Pork Barrel Prisons,” hit so close to 
home that Don Novey himself, the 
president of the California Correction- 
al Peace Officers Association, coughed 
up a defense (“Reader Response,” The 
Playboy Forum, May). Novey claims in- 
mates assault nine prison guards every 
day. But the California Department 
of Corrections considers an assault a 
physical or verbal attack. So every time 
an inmate tells a guard to go to hell, the 
department records it as an “assault.” 

An anonymous guard from High Des- 
ert State Prison in Susanville, where 
I'm serving a life sentence, also wrote 
to say he had done nearly $12,000 
worth of overtime last year, nearly all of 
which was involuntary because the in- 
itution is understafled. His overtime 
n't because the prison is understaffed 
(it isn't) but because his colleagues take 
paid sick or "stress" leave. All an oflicer 


needs to do to qualify for stress leave is 
tell his superior, “I am stressed out and 
need to leave the institution." It’s an 
instant paid vacation, and another offi- 
cer will receive overtime. If the prison 
were understaffed, the inmates would 
be locked in their cells all day. 

James Amadeo 

Susanville, California 

We asked Novey about his numbers. He 

says they include only physical assaults. He 
called your claim that a guard need only say 
he's stressed to get paid leave "ridiculous." 
The process, he says, is much more complex. 


1 was a member of the Inmate Advi- 
sory Council at a state prison where I 
am doing time. Novey is way off when 
he says guards don't have unlimited 
power over prisoners. ] heard tons of 
stories from prisoners who'd had prob- 
lems with guards. When questioned, 
the guards would tell us, straight out, 
“We do what we want in here.” Novey 
daims prisoners routinely throw urine 
and feces at guards. In 19 years, I’ve 
seen or heard of that happening may- 
be 20 times. The inmates who do that 
are usually mentally ill and belong in a 


Ns. E 


hospital. Guards should stop treating 
us like we are animals. 
Tony Weekly Jr. 
Corcoran, California 


1 can't believe the bullshit that came 
out of the mouths of Novey and the of- 
ficer from the prison in Susanville, 
where 1 am incarcerated. ГИ tell you 
why inmates here act violently toward 
guards: because many “peace officers” 
yell in our faces, push us and destroy 
our property for no good reason. The 
CCPOA will never admit its officers do 
anything wrong. So what does a pris- 
oner, especially a lifer with no chance 
for parole, have to lose? Guards pro- 
voke inmates, but according to the 
CCPOA, it's always the prisoner's fault. 

Loren Hoelscher 
Susanville, California 


We would like to hear your point of view. 
Send questions, opinions and quirky stuff to 
The Playboy Forum, PLAYBOY, 680 North 
Lake Shore Drive, Chicago, Illinois 60611, 
e-mail forum@playboy.com or fax 312- 
951-2939. Please include a daytime phone 
number and your city and state or province. 


the Playboy survey —————_ 


D 0 you fantasize about sex with co-workers? Do you flirt? Have you had 
sex in the office? Your desk or hers? After the Christmas party? On a 
business trip? Did you get caught? Heard any good gossip lately? How 


did it turn out? What are the real-life rules for nine-to-five sex? 


It seems like only yesterday that Anita Hill accused a former boss of 
making unwanted sexual advances in the workplace and that Monica and 
Bill turned the White House into a make-out pit. Who will forget the pu- 
bic hair on the can of Coke, the blue Gap dress, the cigar? In spite of the 


best efforts of corporate lawyers, sexual harassment seminars and human- 
resources vigilantes, we suspect that lust is alive and well in the work- 
place, back in the hands of consenting adults where it always belonged. So 


help us out. Go to playboy.com and participate in PLAYBOY'S first online 


sex survey. We'll report the 
findings in our January issue. 


| Click on playboy.com/officesex | 


53 


54 


SEX WORKER LITERATI 


prostitutes and other pros kiss and tell 


T his fall former Hollywood mad- 
am Heidi Fleiss plans to self- 

a соНеечаЫе scrapbook 
that chronicles her career. Pandering 
joins a crowded field of memoirs and 
autobiographical fiction by strippers, 
prostitutes, dominatrixes and other sex 
pros. We gathered as many of their 
books as we could and noticed immedi- 
ately that each one followed the same 
formula, chapter by chapter. Is there a 
Famous Hookers Writing School that 
we don't know about? See for yourself: 


CHILDHOOD AMBITION 


It all started when I was five years 
old with / Love Lucy. One night there 
was a beautiful guest star, draped in 
a shimmering silver evening gown. 
"Why are Lucy and Ethel being so 
mean to her?" 1 asked. 

"They think she's a callgirl," Mom 
whispered. “A woman who entertains 
men for money." 

From what I had seen in my short 
life, women were always trying to en- 
tertain men. This woman simply got 
paid for it. “That's what I'm going to 
be when I grow up," 1 announced.— 
Dolores French, Working: My Life as a 
Prostitute 


At 11, 1 discovered a porno paper- 
back called Little Girls for Sale. 1 flipped 
through it, growing impatient. If the 
little girls were for sale, where were the 
passages describing all the things they 
bought with their loo?— Tracy Quan, 
Diary of a Manhattan Call Girl 


At the age of 11, the son of a fami- 
ly friend asked if he could touch my 
breast. When I said OK, he could hard- 
ly believe his ears. "OK," he said. "This 
is how we'll do it. ГИ walk ahead of you 
and I'll reach back and touch it.” He 
walked a step ahead, reached back and 
touched my breast quickly through my 
coat, sweater and bra.—Dolores French 


My father's hand crashed down on 
my ass. I never suspected he had such 
strength. It hurt like a knife biting into 
my bare flesh. But cach time he struck, 


By DANIEL RADOSH 


my body thrust harder into his groin, 
and I could sense his own excitement 
rising. My buttocks must have been 
fiery red. My screams grew more in- 
tense, my movements spasmodic, and 
at that moment I believe 1 experienced 
the first shattering orgasm of my life — 
Xaviera Hollander. Child No More 


My boyfriend gently nudged my 
head toward his cock, and 1 cautious- 
ly kissed it. But I didn't put it in my 
mouth. I didn't under- 
stand until years later that 
this was a social overture— 
his way of asking for oral 
sex. I felt rather thrilled 
about finally touching my 
first hard penis; but it was 
a sense of accomplishment, 
not a feeling of arousal.— 
Tracy Quan 


A woman in my office 
answered newspaper ads 
to have sex with men 
for money. One day she 
stopped by to tell me that 
she had made a date and 
wouldn't be able to keep it. 
“You wouldn't like to go in 
my place, would you 
Dolores French 


1 was interviewing domi- 
natrixes for an article when 
one of them suggested that 
I try my hand at a session. 
1 figured, what the hell? Jane Goodall 
didn't study primates by watching 
PBS.—Robin Shamburg, Mistress Ruby 
Ties It Together 


One Halloween, 1 thought I'd dress 
as a dominatrix. Everywhere I turned 
that night guys were asking for a lash. I 
started thinking maybe I could do this. 
It sure wasn't hard.—Shawna Kenney, 
I Was а Teenage Dominatrix 


CHOOSING A NAME 


Striving for the blondest common 
denominator, 1 come up with Barbie. 
Now for a last name. Barbie Doll—it's 


been done. Barbie Walters—that's fun- 
ny. But no. Barbie Freud—that's kind 
of scary. Barbie Faust. That's perfect — 
Lily Burana, Strip City 


Delilah Fox was a name people could 
remember. Ifa client wanted to see me 
again, he might be able to say, "She had 
red hair and her name was some kind 
of red animal.” Unless he guessed Irish 
setter, he would come up with Fox.— 
Dolores French 


FIRST DAY 


t day as a stripper, I dressed 
holic schoolgirl I figured if I 
was struck dumb in the booth, I could 
plead virginity. My first customer w 
ed a blow job. “Oh, I've heard of that 
1 said.—Carol Queen, Real Live Nude 
Girl: Chromeles of Sex-Positive Culture 


He had the smallest penis I have ev- 
er seen. While I undressed, he took 
two fingers and masturbated like some- 
one playing with dollhouse furniture. 
His erection was the size of my thumb 
from the knuckle down. Intercourse 


was like bumping into someone in the 
elevator. But he was my first client, and 
1 didn't want to commit a faux pas by 
complaining —Dolores French 


GROOMING AND HYGIENE 


Clients know you make money with 
your pussy, but a freshly waxed, beauti- 
fully maintained pussy sends a mes- 
sage: You spend money on your pus- 
sy—lracy Quan 


I am a personal hygiene freak. An 
unwashed penis would send me into 
spasms of projectile vomiting.—Lora 
Shaner, Madam: Inside a Nevada Brothel 


CHEAPSKATES 


One tightwad wanted Marlene to 
give him half-and-half to orgasm, a 
shower, back rub, then straight sex to a 
second orgasm. He offered her $100. 


"You gotta be kidding," she said. "A 
hundred dollars will buy you a quick 
blow job and/or a no-frills lay." 

The customer's jaw dropped. “But 
the taxi driver told me I could get any- 
thing I want for $100." 

“So give it to the taxi driver and you 
can fuck him."—Lora Shaner 


ALL IN А DAY'S WORK 


"Hi, Nigel. This is Christina. Would 
you like to know what 1 look like 

“Oh, yes! But can I tell you а 
first? I'm a hermaphrodi 

“Oh, that’s wonderful.” 

"And can 1 tell you another secret? 


So was my mother. You want to know 
another secret? My mother used to 
play with my vaginas and penises.” 

“You have a double set?” 

“More than you know. And you want 
to know another secret? 1 fuck my vagi- 
nas with my penises.” 

“1 bet that's exciting." 

“More than you know. You want to 
know another secret? My mother used 
to fuck my vaginas with her penises. 
And you want to know another secret?” 

This call lasted well over an hour— 
phone-sex operator Gary Anthony 
(playing Christina), Dirty Talk: Diary of a 
Phone-Sex “Mistress” 


He wanted to have a naked girl sit 
against the wall with her legs spread 
while, from across the room, he putted 
golf balls into her crotch. 

“How hard do you hit the balls?” I 
asked him. 

“When you putt from 
10 to 15 feet away,” Golf 
Guy said, “you have to 
do it very gently or 
you're likely to miss the 
hole."—Lora Shaner 


He would stuff a sock 
with cash and stick it up 
his ass. The sock might 
contain any amount 
from $20 to $1000. It 
was yours for the tak- 


ing.—Robin Shamburg 


One man hired an- 
other hooker and me 
and said, "Do anything 
you want to do." The 
two of us sat down and 
had a nice long chat.— 
Dolores French 


The word pussy is la- 
"ee Aylike; cunt is not. Muff 
is somewhere between.— Tracy Quan 


We kept notes in code. Classical or 
jazz indicated straight sex or kinky. 
"Interested in brass quintets" meant a 
blow job —Dolores French 


Whore has nothing to do with a girl 
who has sex for money. A whore is a 
person with no integrity, no loyalty, no 
conscience, a hypocrite, a liar and, 
worst of all, a traitor.—Heidi Fleiss 


Under FCC regulations, dirty talk is 
not allowed on the chat lines, so actors 
refer to it as the banana line, for the 


most commonly substituted word. 
Working the banana line makes you 
verbally creative and extremely hun- 


gry—Gary Anthony 
MY SECOND CHILDHOOD 


Chester likes to corrupt the Barely 
Legal set. At 25, I'm Barely Believable, 
but it was a lucrative gig. I figured that 
as long as he didn't cut me in half and 
count my rings, everything would be 
OK.—Robin Shamburg 


Bernie thinks I'm a college sopho- 
more. I change into a pleated skirt and 
low heels. Were I to look like a real col- 
lege student, I would have pierced eye- 
brows and tattooed buttocks—and he 
would be horrified.—Tracy Quan 


I FOUGHT THE LAW 


Asa rule, vice cops are crude and ob- 
scene. They'll say, “Do you do blow 
jobs?" or even, "How about ass fuck- 
ing?" Normal men have better man- 
ners.— Dolores French 


Admitting to Canadian immigration 
officers that my book The Happy Hooker 
was not fiction was enough to give the 
government an excuse to proclaim me 
an "undesirable alien." But if they ac- 
cepted that my sexploits were facts, 1 
protested, it was absurd to pretend I 
was undesirable —Xaviera Hollander 


MY LEGACY 


When a girl has sex and gets paid for 
it, most people call it prostitution and 
think of it as an ugly term. But it really 
is an act of caring and consideration. It 
shows that the man cares about her 
bills being paid, and that she has nice 
things like cars and clothes—things to 
make her life easier. —Heidi Fleiss 


“Just because you can't have children 
doesn't mean you are not a complete 
woman," my lover said. "Everything 
you've done, everything you've writ- 
ten, is your own contribution to wom- 
anhood. It is every bit as valuable as the 
contribution made by any mother."- 
Xaviera Hollander 


Prostitution is a healing and holy act. 
We show the face of the goddess in 
a culture that has tried for millennia 
to break and denigrate her. We have 
healed even those who do not honor 
us. Were the attack on us over, we 
could begin to heal the whole world. 
After 7000 years of oppression, I de- 
clare this the time to bring back our 
temple.—Carol Queen 


55 


N E W 


S F R 


O N T 


what’s happening in the sexual and social arenas 


FITZROY CROSSING, AUSTRALIA—Ab- 
origines in this remote mountain town of- 
ten gather under trees to drink and social- 
ize. Recently they began finding plastic 


containers with condoms inside dangling 
from branches. Health officials have been 
decorating the trees with condoms in an 
effort to lower STD rates, which are Ihe 
highest in the region. Residents and visi- 
tors take as many as 3000 rubbers a month, 
and infection rates have been falling. 


EN EDUCATION — 


HOUSTON—A science teacher demon- 
strating kinetic energy shot a sixth grade 
student in the chest with a plastic squirt 
gun. She claims the boy laughed and asked 
lo be squirted again, so she shot water in 
his face. The boy's mother, who also teaches 
at the school, and his father, who is a police 
officer, say the teacher squirted their son 
against his will. Police charged the teacher 
with assault. She pleaded not guilty. 

ATHENS, OH10—The director of campus 
safety at Ohio University ordered a jour- 
nalism professor to remove an 1878 Spring- 
field rifle from his office wall. The director 
said the gun, which the professor had dis- 
played for 15 years, violated the universi- 
bys workplace violence policy. The profes- 
sor removed the rifle bul launched a public 
campaign to get it rehung. He lobbied 
school officials by letter and e-mail and 
pointed out to reporters that a cannonball 
fired during OU football games also vi- 


olates the policy. The school responded by 
accusing the professor of harassment. 


ANCHORAGE— Students al the Universi- 
ty of Alaska watched hundreds of hours of 
sitcoms to document how the shows depict 
sex in the workplace. They concluded that 
while one in four workplace scenes in- 
volved sex, only a single scene—in the 
canceled ABC show Norm—directly ad- 
dressed sexual harassment, and the victim. 
was a dog. This bothered the psychology 
professor who designed the study. Sexual 
discussion in the workplace “is incredibly 
common, but absolulely nobody gets upset 
about it” on sitcoms, she said. “If this is 
happening to a young woman, she might 
think, It’s not OK to be upset by this. 1 must 
be a troublemaker," The students found 
that male characters made most of the sex- 
ual remarks, but that men and women en- 
gaged equally in sexual behavior. 


jean 


ROSEVILLE, MICHIGAN— Remember the 
cussing canoeist? Four years ago, after 
he'd fallen into the Rifle River, Timothy 
Boomer allegedly yelled "Fuck!" at least 75 
times within earshot of a couple and their 
two young children. A police officer cited 
Boomer for violating an 1897 state law 
that banned “indecent, immoral, obscene, 
vulgar or insulting language in Ihe pres- 
ence of children,” and a judge fined him 
$75. Earlier this year an appeals court 
ruled the law unconstitutional. The ACLU 
called the decision “damn good news.” The 
woman whose children heard the outburst 
was less enthused. “If Id wanted my kids 
exposed to thal, | would have taken them to 
a bar,” she said. Eight other states still ban 
public profanity. 


WASHINGTON, D.C—As part of its mis- 
sion to educate the public about sexually 
transmitted diseases, the Centers for Dis- 
ease Control and Prevention operates a 
website that includes links to resources such 
as a sex education site for teens run by the 
Coalition for Positive Sexuality. Ruo con- 
servative groups, Focus on the Family and 
the Physicians Consortium, complained 
that positive.org's "explicit messages” for 
young people contradict official policies 
that downplay the effectiveness of condoms 


and condemn homosexuality. They also ac- 
cused the CDC of contributing to “the sex- 
ualization of young people." The agency 
removed the link. 


PRAGUEA shop owner who had groum 
tired of selling candles replaced his inven- 
tory with sexual contraptions. His new Sex 
Machine Museum displays such items as 
Victorian-era antimasturbatory devices, 
medieval chastity belis and a 19th centu- 
ry reclining rocker designed for group sex. 
Until neighbors complained. the museum's 
window display enticed passersby with a 
bondage machine and two mannequins 
dressed in latex and leather. Officials tried 
without success to close the museum, claim- 
ing it was “oul of line with good morals.” 
Its manager countered, “We are adding to 
the culture of the city.” 


ДЕШ = 


PLEASANT САР. PENNSVLVANIA— Police 
arrested a 63-year-old man for lounging 
nude in his backyard. He told officers thal 
because he had removed his thong after 
nightfall, he thought that his neighbors 
couldn't see him. А judge found the man 
guilty of indecent exposure and disorderly 


conduct and sentenced him lo two months’ 
probation. The state supreme court over- 
turned the conviction, ruling that the 
man’s backyard was not a public place. It 
also ruled that the neighbor who had called 
the police lived too far away to be offended. 


DISTINCTIVE SINGE 


DISTINCTIVE SINCE 


Vangeorat 
IMPORTED. 


Ine rey 


0 x 3 2 3 a 
dw " و سے‎ Б. і Yor, 
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E mum AUMLABLEN 


PLAYBOY INTERVIEW: HARRISON FORD 


a candid conversation with hollywood's leading man about the rush of flying your 
own plane, how he got over his anger and why he's still not a grown-up—at 60 


Harrison Ford has just returned from New 
Jersey, where he had been practicing take- 
offs and landings in his de Havilland Bea- 
ver airplane. Now back at his New York City 
apartment, Ford is hungry. Although he gets 
$25 million to act in a movie, the former 
master carpenter makes breakfast—eggs, 
cheese, bacan and buttered English muffins, 
and you're having some, too. Ford may get 
arguments from Mel Gibson, Tom Cruise 
or Tom Hanks about who is currently the 
biggest star, but ¡Us doubtful thal any of those 
guys has the skills to fly a plane, build a 
house and cook a meal. 

It has been 25 years since the rogue pilot 
Han Solo sent Darth Vader's ship spinning 
into the cosmos, enabling Luke Skywalker to 
destroy the Death Star. Star Wars set Ford on 
a course of blockbusters that established him 
as а hitmaker. In between two more Solo 
turns, Ford became the whip-wielding ar- 
chavologist Indiana Jones in Raiders of the 
Lost Ark, a film that spawned two sequels 
(with a third in the offing). Ford also played 
CIA analyst Jack Ryan in Patriot Games and 
in Clear and Present Danger. His other hits 
include Witness, The Fugitive and Air Force 
One. He took a rare role as a bad guy in 
What Lies Beneath and also starred in Blade 
Runner, The Mosquito Coast, Working Girl, 
Presumed Innocent, The Devil's Own, Re- 


“I was never the hippest thing around, 
which means I wasn't in the position to be re- 
placed by the next hippest thing. Um more 
like old shoes. But I can still whip Sean Con- 
nery with one hand lied behind my back.” 


garding Henry, Sabrina, Random Hearts, 
and Six Days, Seven Nights. 

In the process Ford has carved out an 
unusual career. Women fawn over him. The 
2001 Guinness Book of World Records 
claims that he's the highest-grossing actor, de- 
Spile competition from Hanks, Cruise and 
Gibson. He is the mast natural movie hera 
since Clint Eastwood, and he has done it alt 
without the starmaking machinery that sur- 
rounds so many of his peers. He has no pub- 
licist and has employed the same manager, 
Patricia McQueeney, since he began acting. 
Only recently did he hire an agent. Some of 
his best films were first offered to other ac- 
tors, but he had no reluctance about taking 
their discards. 

Raiders of the Lost Ark was Tom Selleck's 
film until he couldn't free himself from his 
Magnum PI. commitment. Alec Baldwin 
originated the Jack Ryan role in The Hunt 
for Red October and was long attached to 
The Fugitive before Ford stepped in. Air 
Force One was developed for Kevin Costner 
and Witness had been turned down by every 
name in Hollywood before Ford recognized 
its potential. 

Raised in suburban Chicago, the son of 
an adverlising executive, Ford had an un- 
distinguished academic run before dropping 
out of Ripon College and moving to Holly- 


“Nothing is good about being famous. You 
always think, If Um successful, then РИ have 
opportunities. You never figure the cost be- 
ing a total loss of privacy. 175 terrifying to 
have no anonymity. That's incalculable.” 


wood in 1964 to pursue an acting career. 
He quickly landed a seven-year contract at 
Columbia Pictures. But the $150 per week 
was hardly enough to feed his family (Ford's 
first wife was his college sweetheart, Mary 
Marquardt, with whom he had two sons, 
Benjamin, now a chef and restaurant cwn- 
er, and Willard, a schoolteache 
consisted of auditions for parts like a one- 
line appearance as a bellboy in Dead Heat 
on a Merry-Go-Round. 

Frustrated and broke, Ford learned car- 
pentry from a library book and soon became 
the favorite handyman among the Holly- 
wood crowd. This proved to be his big break, 
because he could wait for showy roles in films 
like American Graffiti and The Conversa- 
tion and because it put him in the right place 
at the right time—the front door of the studio 
George Lucas was using to cast Star Wars. 
Ford was on his hands and knees carving the 
ornate entrance, when Lucas, who had used 
Ford in American Graffiti, asked the carpen- 
ter if he could sub for an AWOL actor who 
was supposed to read the part of Han Solo. 
Ford stood up, took off his toolbelt and head- 
ed inside, and the rest is history. 

PLAYBOY asked Daily Variety columnist 
and frequent contributor Michael Fleming 
(who most recently interviewed Will Smith) 
to catch up with Ford as he readies the launch 


The work 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY DAVIO ROSE 


“I didn't ride a motorcycle until 1 was 45, 
because I didn't trust myself until then. And 
1 didn't fly planes until my 50s, because 1 
didn't trust myself. I never flew until I trust- 
ed my judgment. 1 trust myself now.” 


59 


PLAYBOY 


of one of his riskiest ventures yet, starring as 
Ihe commander of a Soviet nuclear-powered 
ballistic-missile submarine in K-19: The 
Widowmaker. The drama is based on a his 
torical crisis that happened in 1961. During 
a lest run designed to show the U.S. thal the 
Soviets could launch a nuke from sea, the 
cooling system of the sub's reactor failed. A 
meltdown and subsequent nuclear explosion 
was hours away, and since the sub was near 
a NATO base, the accident would have been 
viewed as a first strike against the U. 
film details the crew's attempts to repair the 
reactor, even subjecting themselves to radia- 
tion they knew would kill them within days. 

Fleming reports: “I was wary going in, be- 
cause Ford has a reputation for guarding his 
privacy, a tendency intensified by the disso- 
lution of his marriage ta Melissa Mathison, 
the ET. screenwriter and mother of Ford's 
two youngest children, Malcolm and Geor- 
gia. Ford slays in New York to be near his 
kids, but his presence there has made him a 
target for the tabloids, which covered his mar- 
ital breakup as well as his subsequent sight- 
ings with such women as Calista Flockhart. 
While 1 was free to ask any question 1 want- 
ed, Ford warned me that he was not going 
10 compound his family’s pain by discussing 
that part of his life. 

“Everything in Ford's apartment is white, 
even the dishes and coffee cups. Is not his 
preference; he sublet the place in a hurry af- 
er the breakup. An active art collector and 
n, Ford has tastes 


student of interior de 


ly is evident in some of the furnishings he 
hurriedly bought, and in an aged, framed 
print that just arrived, a front-view portrait 
of Ford's de Havilland Beaver—a shot that 
looks like it came out of an Indiana Jones 
film. The apartment is loaded with books on 
art and aviation, and several tables are full 
of blueprints. They are the plans he and an 
architect designed for the loft he has pur- 
chased downtown, which, over the next six 
months, will be stripped to the brick walls 
and rebuilt, Ford has a reputation for being 
painstakingly involved in the development of 
movies he stars in, and it's an approach he 
also follows in his hobbies of carpentry, mo- 
toreycling and aviation. He warms to talk of 
the construction job ahead of him, and to the 
challenge of starting a new chapter of his life 
as a single guy just turning 60." 


PLAYBOY: We've noticed you're involved in 
every detail of remodeling your new loft. 
You're also noted for being hands-on 
when it comes to shaping your films. 
What's the difference between being a 
master carpenter and developing a movie? 
FORD: There is a similarity between a 
blueprint and a script. You have to be 
able to imagine the whole from a one- or 
two-dimensional representation. You 
have to be able to imagine what it will 
feel like and look like. 

PLAYBOY: Most wannabe actors wait tables 
to make money. Why did you become a 


60 carpenter? 


FORD: | had been under contract at 
Columbia and Universal doing episodic 
television, which I didn't want to do any- 
more, I'd purchased a run-down home 
in the Hollywood Hills for my family and 
attempted to save money by doing the 
demolition myself. [ ran out of money 
and there | was, living in this demol- 
ished house. Out of necessity, I invest- 
ed in some tools and read several books 
about carpentry. Later, a friend of mine 
who was a recording engincer for Sergio 
Mendes came by and said that Sergio 
wanted to remodel a garage and turn it 
into a studio. By the time I got involved, 
the project had become a $100,000 re- 
cording studio. Sergio, much to my good 
luck, never asked me if I had done re- 
modeling before. I walked the walk and 
talked the talk pretty well. And happily, 
he was satisfied enough to recommend 
me to some friends. 

PLAYBOY: Did you ever think you'd end 
up being a carpenter for life? 

FORD: | never gave up my ambition to 
become an actor. Carpentry was just 
something to put food on the table, so 
that I would not have to take those kinds 


They sent me to the barber 

with a photograph of Elvis 

Presley. They wanted me to 

change my name and look 

like Elvis and do dog shit. 
I was angry. 


of acting jobs | was being offered. It en- 
abled me to hold out for film work and 
to be selective. 

PLAYBOY: You have built a carcer as a 
hero for the past two decades. In K-19: 
The Widowmaker, you play a Russian sol- 
dier who's supposed to test-launch a nu- 
clcar missile to scare the U.S. Are you 
concerned your audience won't like you 
in such a bad-guy role, complete with 
Russian accent? 

FORD: No, I didn't worry about that part 
- That was what I loved about tl 
film. And I was convinced, against every 
opinion to the contrary, that using ac- 
cents was absolutely necessary. We have 
English actors, an Irish co-star, several 
Russian actors and an American actor, 
and the Russ ап accent is to remind you 
ie, not told 
. It disabuses the au- 
dience fairly early on that thi 
so-called Harrison Ford mo: 
Russian movie about Russians, a 
audience has to recognize the difference 
so they don't expect me to rip off my 
uniform and be revealed as an American 
spy or somethin; 
PLAYBOY: Since this isn't the usual Harri- 


son Ford film, do the backers say, “Sure, 
you can do the accent, but it's going to 
cost you $5 million off your $25 million 
price”? 

FORD: No, because they would find very 
quickly that they had the wrong number, 
both telephonically as well as financially. 
PLAYBOY: The other departure in th 
film is how long it takes to determine if 
you're a good or a bad guy. That's usual- 
ly clear going in. 

FORD: It’s not that the film conceals the 
elements of my character. It's that my 
character does not reveal himself, be- 
cause a captain who explains himself is 
no captain at all. This guy had the unen- 
viable task of serving the high command, 
understanding that the whole theory of 
the military is that men are expendable. 
The character who I play seems hard- 
ened to that reality in a way that makes 
him somewhat unsympathetic. But he 
learns, to the point where his command 
forces him to accept his responsibility 
to a higher moral authority. He does as 
much as he can to preserve the men's 
opportunity for survival, but there is 
something greater that makes for a more 
complicated story. This guy realizes that 
he might be the architect of World War 
I if he doesn't get this right. 

PLAYBOY: This is a story set during the Cold 
War, before many of today's moviegoers 
were born. How do you deal with that? 
ForD: There is an education curve here. 
The younger part of the audience does 
not really know or remember much 
about the Cold War or understand that 
the central theory of it all was mutual- 
ly assured destruction. I remember the 
duck-and-dive drill in schools, where 
you had to duck under your desk. But 
1 think the context of the story involves 
good surprises and very strong charac- 
ters. It's a story that hasn't been told for 
40 years. And I get to do something dif- 
ferent, which is important to me. I can't 
do the same shit over and over again— 
take the money and run. It becomes 
harder to find something that has grace 
and a mission, and yet it's a delicate bal- 
ance between the audience, the baggage 
the actor brings and the role. 

PLAYBOY: Survivors of the K-/9 crew and 
the widow of your character complained 
they were portrayed as a bunch of undis- 
ciplined, unedu 

FORD: All that wi inated from the 
original script. I never would have done 
the movie if it portrayed that point of 
view. We came to an agreement early on 
that we must maintain the Russian point 
of view at all costs. 

PLAYBOY: Given the scrutiny placed on 
fact-based films such as A Beautiful Mind, 
were you worried about altering facts 
FORD: We didn't become necessarily less 
accurate, clearer, among ourselves, 
about what was necessary to fully tell the 
story. The other stuff was just a sideshow. 
PLAYBOY: Have the people who com- 
plained seen the finished film? 


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PLAYBOY 


FORD: No. They felt we were obligated to 
tell their story. There is no such rule, in 
life, art or law. Russia is a country with- 
out intellectual property rights. We gave 
people money for their stories, but we 
are not compelled to tell the stories from 
their personal points of view. In fact, 
when we visited with survivors, no two of 
them had the same story. They were sit- 
ting six feet away from one another, all 
telling different stories. The suffering 
was compartmentalized. Nobody knew 
what was going on anyplace else in the 
submarine, and when you tried to put 
all these confusing stories together, they 
made no fucking sense. 

PLAYBOY: You could have originated the 
Jack Ryan role in Hunt for Red October 
but turned it down, thinking that a mov- 
ie in a submarine wouldn't be viable. 
Obviously, you've changed your mind 
about submarines. 

FORD: I thought, Wait a second, a subma- 
rine movie? You'd never get women to 
go. I had completely overlooked the 
charm and potential of Jack Ryan. Since 
then, there was U-571, another subma- 
rine movie that worked well. 

PLAYBOY: You went on to play Jack Ryan 
twice. Was it difficult turning down a 
third Ryan film, in Sum of All Fears, which 
stars Ben Affleck? 

FORD: No. 1 hated the script. Paramount 
said commit to the development of this 
and we'll write another script for you. 1 
had never made that kind of long-term 
commitment, and I said, “Bye-bye.” 
PLAYBOY: What was wrong with it? 

FORD: I just thought the story was dated 
and unworkable. The central event of. 
the movie is the killing of thousands of 
people at the Super Bowl. How do you 
fucking recover from that? Emotionally, 
how do you care about one character 
when thousands have been killed? I'm 
sure that they changed it and made a 
good movie, but I just didn’t want to go 
through that. 

PLAYBOY: Would you feel the same way if 
you didn't like where Steven Spielberg 
and George Lucas were taking the next 
Indiana Jones sequel and they said they 
would recast the role? 

FORD: First, Га tell them to go fuck 
themselves, then I'd kill them. Га kill 
them. But that’s a different story. For 
one thing, it’s not based on something 
written by Tom Clancy. 

PLAYBOY: Why has it taken you, Lucas 
and Spielberg so long to do the fourth 
Indiana Jones? 

FORD: We've all been busy, that’s most of 
it. Then there were concepts we didn't 
all agree on. 11 has to be the best damned 
Jones we ever made or it's going to get 
tarred and feathered. 

PLAYBOY: Given the time that has passed, 
will you make concessions for the facı 
that Indiana Jones is getting older? 
FORD: I'll make concessions for the fact 
that I'm 15 years older. 


62 PLAYBOY: How is Indiana Jones aging? 


FORD: As you can see, very well. I can still 
whip Sean Connery with one hand tied 
behind my back. We want to preserve 
the spirit of the original, but 1 hope we 
have some good jokes in there about it 
The character is still Indiana Jones, and 
it was always as much fun for the audi- 
ence to see me get beat up as it was to 
see me beat somebody up. That is kind 
of unique. Part of the appeal of Indi- 
ana Jones is that he was always in over 
his head. He always hurt. As he said in 
the first film, “It's not the years, it's the 
mileage." 

PLAYBOY: You've been famous since Star 
Wars and are extremely protective of 
your privacy. Is there anything you like 
about fame? 

FORD: Well, first, let me spend a moment 
on what I hate, which is loss ofanonym- 
ity. What a burden that is for anybody. 
It was unanticipated. Nothing is good 
about being famous. You always think, If 
I'm successful, then ГИ have opportuni- 
ties. You never figure the cost being a to- 
tal loss of privacy. That's incalculable. 
PLAYBOY: Did it hit you overnight—that 
suddenly you couldn't shop at the mall 
anymore? 

FORD: [t was more cumulative than that. 
1 was driving with Melissa through Mo- 
rocco and we came to the edge of Fez, 
where there was a movie theater play- 
ing two of my films. I realized 1 couldn't 
go unnoticed even in the outer limits of 
the city of Fez, Morocco. It's terrifying to 
have no anonymity. 

PLAYBOY: It sounds like you haven't got- 
ten used to it. 

FORD: No. 

PLAYBOY: It must have been particular- 
ly painful recently, with the breakup of 
your marriage, and the press covering 
your every move. Do you understand 
the media attention or does it make you 
angry? 

FORD: I totally understand и. Occasional- 
ly it makes me angry, the misinformation 
that is put out. But I also have no inten- 
tion of adding to the pain of anybody 
involved by participating in it, even to 
straighten out the misinformation. I'm 
just not playing that game. 

PLAYBOY: Is there anything good about 
being famous? 

FOI fou can get the table you want in a 
restaurant. Not the best table right in- 
side the front door or where everybody 
can see you, but the quieter table off to 
the side. It gets you doctors' appoint- 
ments. But what is the worth of that? 
Nothing. The real coin of the realm is 
freedom. What is a great pleasure is the 
freedom to make choices, do the projects 
that you want to do with directors you 
want to work with, to have somc control 
over the stories and the way a film is re- 
leased and sold. And the freedom to ex- 
plore, take chances and maybe talk peo- 
ple into doing something they don't 
think is such a good shot, because you 
really want to do it. 


PLAYBOY: You are one of the few stars 
who can get a project made just by say- 
ing yes, because your record indicates 
people will come see you. 

FORD: They think they have a better shot 
with me. That's bullshit, anyway. There 
is some insurance for a film by hiring a 
movie star, but it’s wrong to think you 
get anything more than an opening 
weekend. If it’s not a good movie, it 
doesn't matter at all and it will be bad for 
the actor next time. 

PLAYBOY: You used to make a movie, do 
some press, then disappear to Wyom 
Your move to New York and your 


g- 
ibil- 


ity on the social circuit seem to have end- 
ed that. 


у and I've done it on 
every film I've жо) оп. I just didn't 
do any personal publicity. I sold mov- 
ies. My theory was, people have only so 
much interest in anybody. Take advan- 
tage of that interest if you have some- 
thing to sell and not at any other time. 
So I never had a publicist, I have never 
been interested in being involved in the 
publicity process other than selling a 
film, because that's taking advantage of 
the free advertising. 

PLAYBOY: How have you managed to 
hang in there so long, while other big 
stars have come and gone? 

FORD: I was never the hippest thing 
around, which means that 1 wasn't in the 
position to be replaced by the next hip- 
pest thing. I'm more like old shoes. 
PLAYBOY: So you don't go out of style. 
FORD: Ycs. Exactly. 

PLAYBOY: You turned 60 this vear, and 
have managed to remain cool. There 
are others, such as Sean Connery, Clint 
Eastwood —— 

FORD: Well, they're not 60. They're 70, 
and they're cool. 

PLAYBOY: Is there a reason why you have 
managed to remain relevant? 

FORD: It’s just the product you're selling. 
And I'm selling what I hope is a kind of 
truth, that thing we all identify as emo- 
tional reality 

PLAYBOY: Are you at all daunted by being 
a 60-year-old leading man? 

FORD: No. 

PLAYBOY: Because you're able to make 
the same kind of movies as before? 
FORD: No, not the same movies, 1 never 
make the same movies. They are all dif- 
ferent. I decided for myself early on to 
appear in different kinds of movies play- 
ing different kinds of characters. I 
played the bad guy for the first time in 
What Lies Beneath 

PLAYBOY: You must have resisted a bunch 
of offers to play bad guys before taking 
that one. 

FORD: Actually, I hadn't gotten many of- 
fers at all. Nobody wanted to let me 
When Marty Scorsese did Cape Fear, he 
had Robert De Niro call me to say, 
playing the bad guy, why don't you play 
this other part." 1 said, “The only fun in 


it for me would be to play your part and 
for you to play my part. That would be 
unexpected." 

PLAYBOY: Would you really have played 
that villain, who bit off a chunk of a vic- 
tim's face in one scene? 

FORD: Sure, in a New York minute. But 
Marty didn't see it that way. I guess he 
knew what he had in De Niro for that 
part, and he was not about to take a 
crapshoot. In What Lies Beneath, | took 
advantage of the iconography by turn- 
ing it on its tail. He was not a real bad 
guy, because that turn came so late in the 
movie. I still haven't played a really bad 
guy, a guy who's really interesting. And 
1 don't mean in terms of party tricks or 
entertainment value, but interesting in 
an emotional way. 

PLAYBOY: Aside from a bad guy, would 
you like to stretch more in comedies? 
Could you do a Farrelly brothers film? 
FORD: Oh, I'd love it, just love it. Dumb 
and Dumber is one of my favorite movies. 
1 just love to laugh and make people 
laugh. I'd love to work with them. I'd 
love to work with the Coen brothers. I'd 
love to work with all the brothers. 
PLAYBOY: You have two great passions: 
motorcycles and airplanes. Whar's the 
appeal of piloting your own plane? 
FORD: It's a combination of freedom and 
responsibility. It's anonymity. I'm not 
Harrison Ford, I'm November 1128 Si- 
erra. That has its appeal. There is also 


an aesthetic appeal to flying, in the plac- 
es you see and the way you see them. I 
fly cross-country at least four times a 
year. I take my airplanes from Wyoming 
out here, and then back again. My first 
flight was seven years ago, and I get 225, 
250 hours a year, which is not much less 
than many commercial or corporate pi- 
lots. And I like to train. I have different 
kinds of airplanes that demand different 
skill sets, different types of finesse 
PLAYBOY: Which would be your favorite? 
FORD: That would be like asking which is 
your favorite child. I have four kids. Do I 
have a favorite? No. They are all different. 
PLAYBOY: When did you first become in- 
terested in flying? 

FORD: Back in college in 1962, I took fly- 
ing lessons. But the $13 or $15 an hour 
for the rental of a plane and instructor 
was killing me, so I had to give it up. I 
didn’t really get a chance to think about 
it again until years later. I was flying on 
Gulfstreams, sitting up front and watch- 
ing what the pilots were doing and I be- 
came intrigued by it again. After a while, 
I got a Gulfstream of my own, and I 
asked one of my pilots to go back and get 
his instructor's license and teach me. I 
remember on one of my first solo flights, 
my flight instructor got out of the air- 
plane and was standing on the side of 
the runway. I went around the pattern, 
came back in for the approach. The ap- 
proach was good, then I did that terrible 


thing you can do with the Cessna 206. I 
let the nosewheel bounce. And boy, I 
went porpoising down the runway like 
nothing I'd ever seen. I went sideways, 
over the grass, before I got the power to 
go around. It was ugly. 

PLAYBOY: Have you had any other close 
calls? 

FORD: I've had a couple of incidents that 
have been classified as incidents and for 
which I was not blamed by either an in- 
surance company or a federal agency. 
They were more misadventures of a me- 
chanical or weather-induced type. I got 
caught in a wind shear one time when I 
was landing. That was very dramatic and 
resulted in about $9000 damage to a 
Beechcraft Commander, which is chump 
change, like scraping your fender. But it 
was a very harried and troubling couple 
of minutes. With my first helicopter, I 
had an issue with fuel control once, 
which resulted in substantial damage to 
the helicopter prop but no injuries to 
the two souls aboard. So that ended well. 
You know, shit happens. 

PLAYBOY: Is there a kind of plane that 
you're itching to pilot? 

FORD: I've had a chance to fly everything 
from an F-16 to a huge Russian biplane. 
One of the virtues of celebrity is these 
opportunities that come along every 
once in a while to do things like that. 
PLAYBOY: What did you do in the F-16? 
FORD: I went with the Thunderbirds, got 


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PLAYBOY 


to go nine gs in a tight inside turn. I got 
to fly the thing for 20 minutes. 

PLAYBOY: Was that exhilarating, or just 
scary? 

FORD: It was never scary. It was a real ex- 
perience. A great, intense experience. 
PLAYBOY: How about your bikes? What's 
your best ride? 

FORD: I have nine, and they are all difler- 
ent. 1 don't have many bent-over bikes— 
my neck and backbone won't stand it. I 
have sport-touring bikes, which allow 
you to sit a bit more upright 

PLAYBOY: Is that from the wear and tear 
of your films? 

FORD: Yeah. Let's just say I've had a lot of 
operations on my knees. My neck has 
degenerative disk disease. They're all 
the result of movies. I'm not talking 
about having done stunts that are un- 
wise. They're just athletic injuries that 
come in the context of running, jumping 
and falling down. That's why I have the 
sport-touring bikes. One's a Honda VFR 
750 that has been modified with a lot of 
stuff. 1 had the carburetor taken off, and 
changed to fuel injection. 1 took off 65 
pounds of weight by going with carbon- 
fiber rims. It's made a monster out of 
that bike, and it’s a fun ride. 

PLAYBOY: How fast do you go? 

FORD: My heart won't allow me to go that 
fast, but I go too fast most of the time. 
But I'm not... . 

PLAYBOY: Reckless? 

FORD: That's why I didn’t ride a motor- 
cycle until I was 45, because 1 didn't 
trust myself until then. And I didn't fly 
planes until my 50s, because I didn't 
trust myself. I never flew until I trusted 
my judgment. I trust myself now. 
PLAYBOY: What about yourself didn't you 
trust? 

FORD: I just didn’t really have the ambi- 
tion for the focus required for these 
things. 1 was pulling myself in six differ- 
ent directions. 

PLAYBOY: What matured you? Fatherhood? 
FORD: It was one of the things that cer- 
tainly changed my perspective and my 
focus. I'm sure it helped, but that didn't 
quite do it enough the first time. 
PLAYBOY: At what age did you first feel 
like you'd matured? 

FORD: You mean, when did 1 feel like 
a grown-up? What's today? 1 don't re- 
member any epiphany. There are times 
I still don't feel much like a grown-up, or 
even care to. I'm grown up about what I 
do and I work in a grown-up world, but 
1 still think it's not important to get all 
grown up. 

PLAYBOY: Let's say you are on your ranch 
in Wyoming. What's your idea of a bli: 
ful day? Would it be fishing, watching 
TV, reading? 

FORD: All of that. 

PLAYBOY: And watching sports? 

FORD: | don't watch most sports. I've 
never really had the sports gene. I like 
to watch tennis, especially women's ten- 


64 nis. The game is just a little slower and 


the legs are better. 

PLAYBOY: You play a lot of tennis? 

FORD: Yes. I play tennis foran hour a day 
when I'm in Wyoming. I have a court 
there and I play with a pro. I don't play 
competitively. It's the exercise I'm inter- 
ested in. 

PLAYBOY: Rate yourself as a competitive 
player. 

FORD: On any given day I'm either fair or 
distinguished for my age. 

PLAYBOY: What's a good round for you on 
the golf course? 

FORD: Im saving that for my old age. I 
have not yet developed a taste for plaid 
pants. 

PLAYBOY: A lot of the movie stars in your 
league, such as Mel Gibson and Tom 
Cruise, use their clout to start companies 
that develop and produce films. You 
have a reputation for being proactive in 
your films, but not as a producer. Yet you 
took executive producer credit on K-19. 
FORD: I participate in the process more 
often than I take credit, but this time I 
decided to take the credit. We had too 
many goddamned producers. 1 wanted 
to make it clear to them up front that 1 
would be among them, that whole cre- 
ative group, and there was а lot of work 
to be done. With all due respect and ad- 
miration for the original material, a lot 
had to be accomplished. I was the one 
person with script approval and I took 
responsibility to get what I wanted. 
PLAYBOY: So once again, you're the one 
holding the hammer. 

FORD: It comes down to script approval 
and traditionally how that works is, be- 
fore you start shooting they say the 
script is finished and you approve. I nev- 
er do that. I've never yet signed a piece 
of paper that says that I agree, because it 
doesn't work that way. I used to have a 
woman working for me who would say, 
“There is no limit for better,” and that is 
how I feel. There is no limit for better 
and we are going to work on this until 
we have to go over the side of the trench 
and get it fucking right. I'm not arro- 
gant; I'm interested in what other peo- 
ple have to say, except that if 1 don't 
think it’s good enough 1 say it's not good 
enough. Pay the writer more money. 
Let's give it one more pass, then let's get 
another writer. Because the story is i 
PLAYBOY: Do you find most people share 
your commitment or do they think, This 
guy's out of control? 

FORD: They're afraid the whole thing will 
dissolve into chaos. But it hasn't. 
PLAYBOY: What's your management style? 
FORD: I'm nice—cajoling one moment, 
threatening the next. Whatever it takes, 
but always in the service of the film. At 
every opportunity, you have to make 
sure the character serves the story and 
the story serves the character's growth. 
PLAYBOY: It's probably a wise self-preser- 
vation tactic. The blame for failure falls 
on you. 

FORD: That's the unexpected challenge 


of the leading man. I am going to get 
fucking blamed for this, so I might as 
well take the responsibility, in concert 
with the director. It's been my theory 
that you first get rid of all the unneces 
sary dialogue, the beginnings and ends 
of scenes that aren't necessary in story- 
telling. That keeps this thing throbbing 
right through it all. And thar's my job. 
That's what | get paid to do. 
PLAYBOY: Witness, for which you earned 
your lone Oscar nomination, has hardly 
any dialogue in many of its key scenes. 
Didn't the original script have a lot more 
dialogue? 
FORD: Well, the guys who wrote it got an 
Academy Avard, and they complained 
that the director and movie star fucked 
up the movie. Their script ended with 
the bad guy being undone by a prize 
Danny Glover's character had the 
ked out of him by a mule, 1 swear 
to God. It made no fucking sense what- 
soever, and there were a lot of other 
things as well. 
PLAYBOY: It was a script that had been 
turned down by a lot of actors when you 
said yes. What did you sec in it that oth- 
ers missed? 
FORD: | saw an opportunity for myself as 
an actor, and an opportunity for a good 
director. I saw a classic movie. Fish out of 
water, a character transported to a place 
in which none of his powers would work. 
I think Peter Weir is an extraordinary 
director and it was his first real Ameri- 
can film and he did his job so well. But 
we had no ending. The whole silo thing, 
we made all of that up. The whole artic- 
ulation of the scene between me and 
Glover, with the guy getting crushed by 
the falling corn and my character dig- 
ging out his weapon, that was all made 
up in the last week. I remember we had 
to scour Pennsylvania to find a bottle of 
air and a respirator for the guy to wear 
under the corn. 
PLAYBOY: In Air Force One, you actually 
hired a real presidential speechwriter to 
fix the script. Isn't that extreme? 
FORD: I thought the speech the president 
makes at the beginning of the film was 
critical to the success of the whole film, 
and I worked on it and 1 finally brought 
in Democratic speechwriter Pat Cadell, 
who works for West Wing today. That's 
where the work needed to be done in 
that film. 
PLAYBOY: Perhaps the most famous exam- 
ple ofa scene change you suggested was 
in Raiders of the Lost Ark where a swords- 
man demonstrated his prowess, and you 
shrugged, pulled out your pistol and 
shot him. Was that improvisation really 
motivated by a bout of dysentery? 
FORD: Absolutely. 
PLAYBOY: Obviously Steven Spielberg was 
sympathetic. Does he take suggestions 
wellz 
FORD: He took that one. He wanted to 
get out of there as badly as I did. We 
(continued on page 137) 


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02002 роу 


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| | RUSSIAN GANGSTERS. 


О 


-SEX AND DEATH 


LA HOOKERS. 


article by william stadiem 


ccording to the cops. Leyla Ismayilova 
was a high-class callgirl. though she re- 
fused to admit it even if her life de- 
pended on it. Leyla was a 28-year-old, 
nearly six-foot-tall Ukrainian goddess. 
She had huge dark eyes. high cheek- 
bones, higher heels and couture by Ver- 
sace. How else, they figured, would 
she know that the victim, Lyudmyla 
Petushenko, another beautiful young 
Ukrainian, had been beaten and then cx- 
ecuted in her Studio City apartment? 
Having been in the US, illegally, for 
only three months, the Iconinc, blonde 
Lyudmyla had been making more than 
$10,000 a month as a callgirl. She was 
also recruiting new girls from the 
Ukraine to join her stable. Ambitious 
and driven, Lyudmyla was moving fast. 
Too fast, the cops surmised. Speed 
kills, especially in what was becoming 
known as the whore wars, the battle 
among ruthless Russians to take over 
the big-buck sex turf left vacant by the 


incarceration of Heidi Fleiss. 
Heidi Fleiss—the chic Jewish American prin- 
cess who lived in Michael Douglas’ former estate 
and partied with Jack Nicholson and Mick Jag 
ger—was the second supermadam to hook up Los 
Angeles prostitutes with a big-name clientele. The 
first, Madam Alex Adams, had built a multimil- 
lion-dollar business selling sex to her black book of 
stars, moguls, politicians and oil sheiks who would 
take Alex’ charges on trips that started at $10,000 a 
weekend. After Alex ran afoul of the Los Angeles Police 
Department, Heidi took over the business and made it 
even bigger, but her flagrant enjoyment of the elite sex 
trade also spelled trouble. Eventually, it got her three 
years in prison. Madam Alex died while Heidi was doing 
her time, and by the late Nineties the field was relegated 
toa large number of minimadams and thousands of Inter- 
net sex ads. Starlet-level callgirls, even in Holly wood, be- 
came increasingly difficult to find. Enter the Russians, 
who had the looks, brains and greed. 
The investigators suspected that Leyla was one of 
'Lyudmyla's callgirl colleagues. Leyla conceded she had 
befriended Lyudmyla prior to her final bloody morn- 
ing of Thursday, August 17, 2000. But she steadfastly 
denied that business of apyssort was involved. The two 
Ukrainians had met at 2 Russian market in West Holly- 
Е wood and had bonded. As fargrieks, “Never,” said Leyla. 
She said she was the агр a small-town police 
chief, and that she had a rich boyfriend in Los Angeles. 
She had no need to turna trick. Her version of events on 
the fateful morning of August 17. however, did not cn- 
tirely satisfy the cops. 
According to Leyla,kyudmyla was planning an outing 
to Magic Mountain amusement park with a Russian 
friend. A late sleeper, she had asked Leyla to give her a 
wake-up call at nine лм. After Il phone calls with no reply 
Leyla told police, she began to worry. Just before noon, 
she drove her SUV from her West Hollywood apart 
ment into the 90-degree heat and smog of the San 
Fernando Valley to 4150 Arch Drive. Because an- 
other car was entering the security garage thegmo- 
ment she arrived, she was able to enter without be- 
ing buzzed in. 
Walking up to the second floor. Leyla fonnd the 
front door to apartment 211886 ked She entered 
and called Lyudmylas name No inser. Then 
she went into the Бефивот. Lyudmyla was 
ESprawled on the rug in a ЗИК robe, ЫКіо віс 
and heels. `1 thought she was drunk." І OIA: 
the cops, When Ж тапса to shake her awake, a 
зітсап ої blood poured out of Lyudmyla’s mouth. 
Her Бо cold la fled back to her car and 
called th@ Russian ЖӨйап who had rented the 
apartment for LyudniVlay (continued on page 128) 


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PHOTOGRAPHY BY STEPHEN WAYDA » 


a pictorial with her, we called for the EMTs. Cuba—steamy, idyllic, vaguely illicit— 

promised to be a suitably special location. The twins’ modeling jobs are usually for 
one or the other, so they’re known to play games. “One time we got busted,” says Rosie. “But in 
the end the clients just said, ‘We don't care which sister you are, one of you has to be here to- 
morrow."" No danger of us being conned—this pictorial is recorded in stereo. (Should you care, 
that’s Reneé, above, on the right.) The Cuba shoot proved to be its own adventure. The twins and 
some of the crew were diverted from Havana on their connection from Mexico and were sent to 
a remote airstrip hours away from the capital, where photographer Stephen Wayda's plane land- 
ed as planned. Making a long story short is never easy, particularly in a communist country. Let's 
just say that eventually—after some questioning that smacked of interrogation—the twins hooked 
up with Wayda in Havana. What a town! The grand old buildings haye fallen into disrepair, but 
the spiral staircases and chipped paint add their own charm. The clubs are packed, the girls are 
hot. Look at the cars outside and you’d think it was 1957. And talk about hospitality. The group 


hen 1990 Playmate of the Year Reneé Tenison reminded us she had a twin sister, we 
experienced minor heart palpitations. When she said her twin, Rosie, wanted to shoot 


Reneé asked Rosie to jain her in PLAYBOY when she wos first chosen as a Playmate. Rosie demurred. At home in Idaho, lo- 
cols were seeing double anyway. "Back then 1 wos very shy,” says Rosie. "I had never modeled. Reneé was the mare dor- 
ing one. It wos o little weird—alll these guys were lacking at me. People were like, ‘Dang. We know what you look like!" 
I always wanted ta do it, but I was just toa shy,” Rosie explains. Things changed when Rosie joined Reneé in Los Angeles. 
“I hod a lot ta overcome. | started modeling and acting. Eventually, | was oble to get aver my boshfulness." We love LA. 


ry 


ENISON TWINS 


avana good time 


ME -—— 


kept being invited into homes for 
meals. Of course, the invitations 
probably had little to do with the 
crew and a lot to do with Reneé 
and Rosie. 
ever pulled a dating 
switcheroo? “A lot of guys think 
that they can tell us apart,” says 
But they can't. If a guy 
'here's no way you can 
fool me, І can tell you two apart," 
I may send Reneé in to see if he 
can tell. Little stuff. Nothing too 
sinister. I'll send her in to give 
and then ГИ walk in 


‘What are you doing? 
It's just fun.” “People who know 


us can tell which one it is," says 
Reneé: “*What are you doing, 
Reneé? Why are you acting like 
Rosie?' In high school classes 
we definitely did it, but when I 
was on a date, I couldn't do it. I 
couldn't stop laughing.” And her 
dates couldn't stop smiling. 


The twins recently started a clothing 
company called Tenwear. (Check it 
out of tenwear.com.) “We're selling 
a lat in Idoha,” says Renee. “In high 
school, my sister and I used ta de- 
sign all our awn clathes. When we 
were living there, we cauld never 
find anything ta wear.” 


JAL With little or no public 

llance cameras have colonized 

public spaces in America. Sometimes in plain 
sight, sometimes hidden, these unblinking eyes 


% are ubiquitous, and it’s almost impossible to 
leave home without being taped. In stores, 
banks, offices, parking garages and the Statue of 


Liberty and on the Golden Gate Bridge, they are 
Watching you. Some are controlled by a remote 
Operator with a joystick. Others run automati- 
cally, recording loop after loop of film, which 
virtually no one ever sees. Never before has an 


entire population been under such observation ^ 


constantly, not even in the heyday of Stasi, the 


f 


78 


WATCHING 


(1) The first time cameras were 
used for public surveillance: 1966, 
in Hoboken, New Jersey. 


(2) Number of people arrested 
before cameras were dismantled 
five years later: 2. 


(3) Number of cameras watch- 
ing the streets of America today: 
2 million. 


(4) The percentage of cops who 
think those cameras fight crime: 2 
out of 10. 


(5) Total revenue of security 
equipment suppliers in 2000: $18 
billion. 


(6) Most frequent law enforce- 
ment application of cameras: 
side squad cars, to protect officers 
against frivolous lawsuits. 


(7) Growth rate af the camera 
market in the post 20 years: 589 
percent. 


(8) Combined lobbying dollars 


with the most aggres- 
surveillance program: 


(10) Number of suspects iden- 
tified by face-recognition system 
on Tampa sidewalks over a four- 
day period: 14. 


(11) The number of those that 
were false positives: 14. 


(12) First group that Washing- 
ton, D.C. police surveyed with their 
newly developed camera surveil- 
lance system: IMF protestors. 


(13) According to a study 
by the National Institute of on normal people, according 
= 


Standards and Technology, 
percentage of face-recogni 
tion technology that will in- 
correctly identify a pi 

18 months after the 

scan was taken: 43. 


(14) The percentage of fans 
who were scanned at Super Bowl 
XXV by biametric cameras: 100. 


(15) Number of fans told they 
were under surveillance: 0. 


(16) Easiest ways to fool a bia- 
metric security camera: grow a 
beard, wear sunglasses, smile. 


(17) The width, in millimeters, 
of the lens in a popular spy cam- 
era that is designed to be indis- 
tinguishable from a normal clock: 
3.6. 


(18) Amount of time, on aver- 
age, that it took to find a dealer in 
Washington Square Park before 
surveillance cameras were in- 
stalled along the park perimeter: 
45 seconds. 


(19) Amount of time it takes 
now: 2 minutes. 


(20) Federal rules and proce- 
dures for storing and orchiving 
visual surveillance tapes: None. 


(21) The number of years after 
the invention of the telephone 
that it toak before the Supreme 
Court acted to protect the privacy 
af phone conversations under the 
law: 91. 


(22) Reason that video cameras 
do not violate privacy in public 
places, according to federal law: 
The cameras don’t have any au- 
dio pickup devices. 


(23) Single most common effect 
that criminologists say cameras 
hove on crit moving it to zones 
of no surveillance. 


(24) Single most common effect 
that security cameras have 
to sociologists: inhibition. 

(25) Number of websites 
that feature webcam sex, 
according to Google.com: 
more than 300,000. —мв. 


notorious East German secret police 
It's as if the entire U.S. were a casino or 
a prison, where constant visual surveil- 
lance has long been customary. Still, 
there is relatively little complaint about 
all the snooping. The cameras are part 
of the physical and cultural landscapes 
of 21st century America. 

Is it only coincidence that “reality” 
television shows have become so pop- 
ular? Perhaps television is just doing 
its job—providing a funhouse mirror, 
adding glamour and sex appeal to our 
growing habit of voyeurism. 

In the wake of September 11, spy cam- 
eras have taken on a patriotic shim- 
mer. “We have no choice but to accept 
greater use of this technology,” said a 
Washington, D.C. law enforcement of- 
ficial, commenting on the profusion of 
cameras in the nation’s capital. By this 
October, the National Park Service will 
install round-the-clock video surveil- 
lance at tourist attractions such as the 
Vietnam Memorial and memorials to 
George Washington, Thomas Jefferson 
and Abraham Lincoln. 

As if to preempt protest, the official 
stressed that the cameras will not be 
equipped with face-recognition tech- 
nology, which can scan crowds and, in 
theory, spot a fugitive or terrorist. The 
official said cameras would operate “on- 
ly in public areas where there is no ex- 
pectation of privacy and only for valid 
law enforcement purposes.” Such as- 
surances lend poignancy to one of Jef- 
ferson's more prophetic observations 
“The natural progress of things is for 
liberty to yield and government to gain 
ground,” Tourists pointing their cam- 
eras at the symbols of freedom will be 
filmed themselves. 

Advocates say the cameras make us 
safer. To be sure, they have helped iden- 
tify criminals. Who can forget the pho- 
tographs of Patty Hearst and her erst- 
while comrades toting guns during a 
1976 bank robbery? More recently, sur- 
veillance tapes helped New York police 
collar two suspected murderers. But 
these success stories are rare, consid- 
ering the amount of surveillance that 
takes place (see sidebar). 

It remains to be seen if there will be 
a backlash. In England there have been 
complaints that law enforcement au- 
thorities ignore criminal conduct and 
instead aim cameras where they hope 
to see innocent people having sex, or 
where they can just peer at women. 
Meanwhile, violent crime is rising. 

Cameras provide a cheap illusion of 
safety, a technological substitute for the 
real comfort of having a cop on the 
street. They're here to reassure us that 
if we watch ourselves closely enough, 
everything will be all right. 


“On the contrary, Captain Bligh, you’re the one out of uniform!” 


| RUNWAY RUNDOWN | 


"1 
STICKING TO CLASSICS, DESIGNERS HAVE CREATED А BUYER'S MARKET 
FASHION BY JOSEPH DE ACETIS 


here's good news this year. 
Designers are talking about 
elegance. That's a code word-to 
nondesigners, it means value. 
When they talk about a return 
to elegance, what they're really 
saying is business wasn't so hot 
at the end of last year so they 
aren't taking any chances this 
| year. The result? Clothing that |} 
will stand the test of time—noth- 
ig so daring that it won't last 
beyond the season. Of course, 
contemporary clothes have 
enough detail to be noticed. But 
this stuff will still look sharp for 
the next few years. So this is a 
good time to replenish your ward- 
robe. One other thing: We know 
you have a head for fashion. 
Now’s the time to puta hat on it. 


You can update your whole look 
with just one purchase—a hat. The 
fashion houses are all showing 
chapeaus (hey—hang out with the 
fashion set long enough and you 
can't help picking up some affecta- 
fions) with their outfits. Bowlers, 
fedoras, newsboys and woolies— 
there are plenty of reasons a hat 
makes sense. For one thing, it will. 
make you taller. For another, it 
covers bad hair. These doys, you 
con wear hats indoors, too—any- 
where but in church, or at a job in- 
terview or a parole board hearing. 
|. Of course, to get the aesthetic ben- 
1 efits of a hat, you have to remem- 
ber that it's all about the fit. Don't 
go ond buy S, M or L—have your 
; head measured. Opposite page, 
' clockwise from top left: Call it a 
modern version of the country 
gentleman look. The sweater and 
jacket are by Gionfranco Ferre. 


s obscured in this and a 
few other shots, suits are being 
made with ticket pockets again. 
That's the little pocket on the up- 
per chest. The jacket and pants 
combo is by John Varvatos. Next is 
an outfit and overcoat by Fendi, a 
jacket and sweater combination by 
Rykiel Horame and two outfits by 
Seon John. This page, clockwise 
from top left: The bowler look is 
by Ralph Lauren. We spotted the 
modified derby at the Fendi show. 
The relaxed porkpie was shown 
with Issey Miyake by Naoki Takiza- 
wa. Sean John teamed an outfit 
with a fedora. Striped sweater and 
newsboy is by Ry! 

Showing a Sinatr 

outfit by Fendi. Indiana Jones is in 
Valentino. And the cabbie hat is 
par! of an outfit by Rykiel Homme. 


WHERE AND HOW TD BUY ON PAGE 144. 


аф 
As far as clothes go, ће use of el- 
egonce as a buzzword is apt— 
most af the latest styles nod ta the 
class af the Thirties, the appeol af 
Clark Gable and the camaraderie 
of the 19th hale. But there's still 
room for sortaricl adventure. This 
page shows clathes wi 
contemporary look—natice the mix- | 
and-match fabrics, plus the extra 
packets and closures. There are a 
few other things to notice about 
this seasan’s outerwear. First, 
lengths are all aver the place. 
There are full-length overcoats, 
short jackets and thigh-length car 
coats. Shearling callars—bath real 
and foux—are being used to give 
a soft feel but rugged laak. (The 
plush callars can also broaden 
yaur shoulders.) Thick fur and 
fleece collars add a regal air to the 
power clubber. Clackwise from top 
left: Jacket and rollneck sweater 
are by Byblos. Turtlenecks are big- 
ger than ever, as yau can see here 
and elsewhere—in fact, the bigger 
the better. Leather jacket, suit and 
sweater are by Gianfranco Ferre. 
The plush overcaat, sweater, pants 
and cap are by Sean John. Purple 
a big color this fall. The ouffit 
featurin: wilted leather jacket is 
by Biagiotti. This coat shaws an- 
other new trend—a new technol- 
ogy that allaws leather to be cut 
by lasers. The result is raw edges 
alang the seams. The full-length 
caat, V-neck sweater and striped 
pants are by Hermes. The shear- 
ling caat and outfit are by Kenneth 
Cole. At bottam left is Ethan Zohn, 
af Survivor fame, wearing a leath- 
er coat and ouffit by Perry Ellis. 
(See—mole survivars can get inta 
PLAYBOY, too.) Finally, the jeans, 
shirt and motocrass-inspired jack- 
et are by J. Lindeberg. One ather 
tip: If yau don't feel like wearing a 
hat, you can just graw your hair. 
out. Long hoir is being used to play 
against sober styles. 


Sure, you can shake off the pushy 
salesman. But at some point when 
you're shopping for clothes, it still 
hits you. You look at the displays 
and think, | want it all. But it 
doesn't work that way. Aside from 
financial pressures, you have your 
own look to maintain. That's why 
we track the runways for trends 
yov can incorporate in your clos- 
et—and still feel like yourself. Toke 
the stuff on this page—a lot of it 
would fit fine both in a club and 
in a more sober setting. Runway 
shows offer great tips, but not al- 
woys positive ones. Check out the | 
guy whose hair looks like George 
Washington heading out to vogue 
at Studio 76. You moy not guess it 
from these pages, but that’s the | 
sort of stuff we have to spend 
hours watching—and we hove to 
clap and look interested. All to find 
a few cool things, like the other 
clothes on this page. Clockwise 
from top left: The suit, shirt and tie 
are by Giorgio Armani. The big 
trend in suit fabrics is brushed 
wool. The finish is soft—approach- 
ing a moleskin feel—and allows 
for ease of motion. Double-breast 
ed suit and turtleneck are by 
Moschino. Current suits can go 
smartly from doy into evening. The 
slightly stronger shoulders make 
you sufficiently imposing in the 
boardroom, while the soft finish- 
es allow you to boogie down after- 
ward. The gray double-breasted 
suit is by Giorgio Armani. Notice 
the high-notched collar—it’s a 
mark of the latest suits. Knitwear 
with eye-popping stripes is the 
new alternative to busy checks and 
geometric pattems. The diagonally 
striped sweater is by Giorgio Ar- 
mani. The dark sweater with the 
stripe across the chest is by Tommy 
Hilfiger. The brown and maroon 
block sweater is by Krizia. And 
the black-and-white striped sweat- 
er is by Tommy Hilfi 


CRIME SCENE ENRON 


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MAYBE THEY HAD А 


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ANNELIDA HIRUPINEA— 
THÉ MARINE LEECH. AND Arc WITH EwOK 
JUOGING BY THE SIZE, 
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Оон BABY! YOUR VNTR LOOKS LIKE 
PATTERN SEQUENCING SOMEONE GOY TAKEN 
15 MAKING ME 50 HOTI TO THE CLEANERS. 


RAPTOR? SUSPICIOUS? 
WHAT MAKES YOU SAY 


WELL, RAPTORS ARE 
THE CUNNING AND 
FEROCIOUS VILLAINS 


3 
FROM JURASSIC PARK. | god 


/ I KNEW WE 
SHOULD'VE GONE BUT VM CLEAN, 
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| PAPERWORK, 


WHEN EXPOSED TO UV LIGHT, THAT'S THE SCARIEST THING 
THIS NOITAL WILL REVEAL. 


ANY DIRT YOUVE TRIED TO 
WASH OFF. d 


THEY MAKE IT IN 
COUNTRY PINE, TOO! 


» 2 DON'T LOOK AT ME. 
your EARNINGS. REPORTS WHEN | LEFT THE COMPANY 
ARE 30 OVERINFLATED IT WAS AS SOLID AS GLOBAL 

THEY MAKE BRITNEY CROSSING. ... 
SPEARS LOOK NATURAL, OK, BAD EXAMPLE, 


THESE TEARS SHOW A 
MATCH FOR DNA OF 


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WERE FIGHTING FOR di 
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HOLDERS A CRIME, ANYWAY? 
VM EXERCISING MY CONSTITUTIONAL 


DO уой MIND IF | TAKE RIGHT TO REMAIN. SI 


A SAMPLE OF YOUR TEARS? 


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WE DON'T NEED YOU TO TALK, SIR. You GOTTA HELP ME! You owe ME! 


THE EVIDENCE NEVER TAKES 
THE FIFTH. 


THIS NUMBER 15 
NOT IN SERVICE... 


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PLEASE HANG 
UP AND ро NOT 
TRY AGAIN, 
в Y 
CETTE 


A DAY IN THE 
COUNTRY 


3 


SOME SAY THE COLD WAR IS 
OVER, BUT SAM WATERMAN 
AND HIS RUSSIAN UN- 
TERPART KNOW BETTER 


FICTION By JOHN WEISMAN 
4 


7 OSCOW: October 13, 1998, 10:17 A.M. 

Sam Waterman spent the morning of his 

45th birthday a hostage to his u 

stuffed rudely onto the rear floorboard of one of the 

consulate's Ziv sedans, the drive shaft hump wedged 

against his kidneys, his long legs tucked fetal, his 

_ body hidden under a damp blanket. Even though he 

knew he couldn't be seen through the tinted win- 

dows, he still held his breath as the car clunked over 

the antiterrorist barriers at the Russian police check- 

point o&tside the garage gate. He exhaled slowly 

when the driveshaft whined as the car merged into 
the late morning traffic. 

“Keep going, keep going,” Sam instructed tersely 
from under musty cover. “Don’t check your mirrors. 
Just drive. Nice and easy.” 

“Don't have a cow, man." That was consular officer 
Tom Kennedy, imitating Bart Simpson. Tom, who'd 
been recruited to do the driving, could impersonate 
Bart perfectly. He was still working on his Homer, 
though, reviewing night after night the videotapes 
his sister sent him through the mail pouch—which 
tells you what Moscow’s social life has to offer a 
reasonably good-looking African American junior- 
grade diplomat, even in these post-Soviet days. 

Sam grunted and shifted slightly, trying to reduce 
the pressure on his kidneys as the car turned left, 
heading west. 


PLAYBOY 


88 


“We're on Kutuzovskiy Prospekt,” 
Kennedy told him. “Doh. Crossroads of 
the world." 

“Tom, put a cork in it.” Christ, he'd 
warned the kid this was serious busi- 
ness, and Kennedy still wanted to talk. 
Not good, because they weren't safe. 
Not by a long shot. FSB, the Russian 
internal security agency, had inherit- 
ed the KGB's elaborate passive surveil- 
lance system. Vizirs they were called— 
long-range, high-powered telescopes 
mounted on tripods, positioned in 
buildings along Moscow's major thor- 
oughfares. The watchers would scan 
for diplomatic plates and peer inside 
the cars. If they saw the driver's lips 
move, they'd take note. Was he talking 
to someone hidden in the car? Was he 
broadcasting? If they thought you were 
up to no good, they'd send the police 
to do a traffic stop — diplomatic plates 
or no. 

And Sam couldn't afford a traffic 
stop. Not today. 

He had to meet General Pavel Bara- 
nov at precisely five past one, and the 
rendezvous was critical: Baranov had 
used his emergency call-out signal, an 
inconspicuous broken chalk line on a 
weatherworn lamppost 60 yards from 
the entrance to the Arbatskaya metro 
stop. Sam had seen the short-long-long- 
short Morse code signal last night on his 
regular evening jog—a five-mile run 
that began outside the embassy's faded 
walls and proceeded on a meandering 
but consistent route that took him all 
the way to the western boundary of the 
Kremlin and back to the embassy. 

The Arbatskaya signal site and the 
letter P were to be used by Baranov on- 
ly under crisis conditions. Still in his 
running gear, Sam sent Langley a code 
word-secret “blue-striper,” an urgent 
cable alerting his division chief to Bara- 
nov's emergency signal, detailing his 
operational plan and requesting com- 
ment. Today he was awake by five, run- 
ning the operation in his mind. By six 
he was in thc office, checking for re- 
sponse from Langley (there was none, 
which was typical) and removing gear 
from the duffel he kept in the station's 
walk-in safe. 

The next step was to shanghai Tom 
Kennedy, one of three greenhorn con- 
sular oflicers Sam had identified as po- 
tential decoys. The decoy factor was 
critical. As station chief, Sam was a "de- 
clared” intelligence officer. And thanks 
to an American defector, a CIA turn- 
coat named Orville Madison who 
worked at Moscow Center for the ag- 
gressive new FSB director, Vladimir Pu- 
tin, Russian counterintelligence knew 
who was Agency and who wasn't. 

If one of Sam’s people drove, sur- 
veillance was virtually guaranteed. So 
he'd used an outsider, a junior con- 


sular officer the Russians thought was 
uninvolved in intelligence gathering. 
At 9:06 A.M., Sam strode unan- 
nounced into the expansive office of 
Sandra Wheeler, the consul general. At 
9:12 he returned to his own eighth- 
floor quarters. Seven minutes after 
that, there was a tentative knock on 
Sam's door. [Enter Thomas Jefferson Ken- 
nedy, Foreign Service Officer Grade Four, 
stage lefi.) Twelve minutes later, a wide- 
eyed Tom Kennedy headed for the ga- 
rage, having received his first inculca- 
tion into the shadowy Wilderness of 
Mirrors in which Sam Waterman had 
lived and worked for almost 19 years. 


10:38. The drive train had devel- 
oped a nasty vibration. Sam could feel 
it shudder through the floorboard. He 
was sweating even though the Ziv's 
heater didn't work. He lay silent, eyes 
closed, counting off the seconds, tim- 
ing the route he'd painstakingly de- 
vised as Tom drove in blessed quiet. 
‘They'd be heading northwest now, less 
than a kilometer from Ring Road, 
which encircled the city. At the Voloko- 
lamskoe on-ramp they'd turn north to- 
ward the M10 and Moscow’s Shereme- 
tevo-airport. 

But they wouldn't go there. Instead, 
Kennedy would exit south onto Lenin- 
gradskoe and divert to a narrow, de- 
serted strip of parkland where Sam 
would roll out. Then Tom would drive 
like hell to thc airport, wherc hc'd wait 
in the no-parking zone—in vain—for a 
consular official scheduled to arrive 
from Berlin. And, yes, tickets had been 
bought. Sam had thought of every- 
thing, down to the smallest detail. 
“Plausible” and "denial," after all, were 
the foremost watchwords of his partic- 
ular faith. 

The Ziv banked hard right. In his 
head, Sam saw the exit and the indus- 
trial zone. He felt Tom brake, acceler- 
ate, then brake again. Show time. Sam 
pulled off the blanket, reached up, 
opened the rear door and scrambled 
out next to the pockmarked brick wall 
of an alley. He rapped the Ziv's door. 
"Go-go-go!" 

Alone, he made his way southwest 
toward a swath of green parkland. He 
checked the cheap Bulgarian watch on 
his wrist. He was two minutes behind 
schedule. 

10:52. Sam caught the sparsely occu- 
pied ferry with 75 seconds to spare, 
paid his ticket and sat on a bench in 
the rear of the smoky passenger cabin 
for the six-minute ride to Zaharkovo. 
Halfway across, he went to the toilet, a 
cramped compartment that stank of 
urine. He stepped across a puddle un- 
der the tin trough that served as a pis- 
soir, entered the single stall, shut the 


door and quickly shed his long black 
nylon overcoat. Underneath he wore a 
thigh-length brown leather jacket. He 
stuffed the black coat behind the toilet, 
pulled a wool cap from his jacket pock- 
et and jammed it on his head. He left 
the men’s room just in time to feel the 
engines reverse as the boat pulled 
alongside the quay. Without reentering 
the cabin, he nudged his way to the 
rail, marched up the dock and walked 
across the street. There he boarded 
bus number 96, which he rode to the 
Tushinskaya metro stop. Sixty-nine 
minutes and three train changes later, 
he emerged from Teksilshchiki station, 
crossed the road and walked gingerly 
over a single rusting set of railroad 
tracks into a deserted industrial park 
where, in the old days, they'd assem- 
bled Moskvich automobiles as part of 
Joe Stalin's workers’ paradise. 

What Sam had performed since leav- 
ing the Ziv was a Surveillance Detec- 
tion Route, a timed course during 
which he'd had half a dozen opportu- 
nities to spot a hostile tail. Not to shake 
1, however. Simply to identify it. Only 
in Hollywood do CIA officers shake a 
tail. In real life, you spot the opposi- 
tion. But you do nothing to alert them. 
If the other side realizes it has been 
tagged, it will change surveillance meth- 
ods, and the cycle has to begin all over. 
Sam had spent weeks crafting each 
scgment of this SDR, even though he'd 
use it only once. 

He valked until he reached an alley 
that had a row of corrugated-sheet- 
metal gated sheds where Muscovites 
bribed the watchmen in hard currency 
so they could keep their autos under 
roof. The streets leading to these shan- 
ties were deserted. Even if they had 
been crowded, no one would have paid 
Sam any mind, because the tall, gray- 
eyed man looked like a local. 

Careful to avoid getting mud on his 
scuffed shoes, he stepped around a 
rusted Latta with a tarp spread under 
the rear of its cha: There were two 
blue-jeaned legs poking out. Sam 
rapped the Latta's hood. "Yuri Grc- 
gorovich, is that you under there, or 
should I call the police?" 

Yuri G. Semerov rented the shed 
next to Sam's and owned a store ncar 
the Arbat, where he sold everything 
from fake czarist antiques to Soviet 
Army uniforms. Sam knew the Russian 
had been checked out to ensure that he 
wasn't a provocateur. 

‘The legs crabbed from under the ve- 
hicle, followed by a torso, then a thick 
arm holding a big crescent wrench, 
and finally a broad, flat, mustached 
Tatar face that peered up warmly at 
Sam. "Hello, Sergei Anatolyvich." 

(continued on page 150) 


“The doctor said two weeks of bed rest, but he didn’t say 
you had to be alone.” 


miss august sets a high mark for herself 


LATIN. — 
CLASS 


ECAUSE YOU watched Fox’ Girl Next Door: The Search for a 
Playboy Centerfold, you know that Christina Santiago was one of three 
finalists. “I wasn't a sore loser when I lost to Lauren Anderson, but I 
was disappointed because I didn’t understand what PLAYBOY was look- 
ing for ina Playmate,” she says. “When I got the phone call saying I 
was going to be Miss August, I had to eat my words.” The 20-year-old 
Chicago native's striking features helped her become a professional 
model, but she doesn't think she had an advantage over the other 11 


nz 


ым 
N 


<< nono 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY 
90 ARNY FREYTAG 


Who gets Christino's vote os 
the sexiest man olive? “I love 
Eminem and Brod Pitt,” Miss 
August soys. In her spore time, 
Christino likes to ploy bosket- 
boll, jot down thoughts in her 
journol ond jump around to 
hip-hop. "I'd like to leorn how 
to swing dance,” she soys. 


women. "I'd never done nude model- 
ing before," she says. "I didn't feel un- 
comfortable, because I'm content with 
my body, and I'm not afraid to show 
it.” She was even less shy around the 
cameramen recording her every move 
for two weeks—much of the foot- 
age was deemed too hot for television. 
“We couldn't talk to the crew at all,” 
she says. “The only thing that we could 
do when the cameramen left the room, 
which was probably mean on our part, 
was to purposely do something outra- 
geous so they'd run back to the room 
trying to get to their cameras. I made 
th this girl on the show, but I 
"t think you see that on network 
TV." So all signs point to the contes- 
tants' getting along, right? "Everyone 
thought there would be catfights. But. 
the contract specifically said, “No pull- 
ing hair, no spitting, no biting,” she 
says. “I was laughing so hard!” 

Christina thinks she will eventually 
move to Los Angeles and wants to at- 
tend a school that specializes in the 
performing arts. Her experience with 
PLAYBOY and meeting Hugh Hefner on- 
ly encouraged her more. “Hef knows 
I'm a strong person and sees potential 
in me,” she says. "He's willing to give 
me the chance that no one else has giv- 
en me. In the next five years, I hope to 
audition for a big movie, soap opera or 
sitcom. I'd like to be a choreographer 
and would love to be onstage for the 
Oscars or Grammys performing with 
Jennifer Lopez or something. I try to 
do the right things in life. Whenever a 
good opportunity has knocked on my 
door, Гуе always tried to make the most 
of it.” 

Heads up, guys—Christina is single 
and looking for Mr. Right. “Why would 
I want men going through my life, in 
and out?” she asks. “I want just one. 
I'm attracted to guys who are older 
than 26, over six feet tall, with a nice 
ass. I'ma butt girl, so I like a guy who 
has a nice body and takes good care of 
himself. He doesn’t have to be cut, just 
not fat, OK? I would love it if a guy 
would take me out to karaoke on a first 
date, because that would show how 
open-minded and courageous he is. I 
can always feel the vibe right away if 
there’s the potential to date someone 
seriously. In the near future, I see my- 
self with my man in our house, being 


very happy.” 


There are more photos, plus video, of 
Christina at cyber playboy.com. 
“I'm a goofball,” soys Christina about 
her behavior on Fax’ Girl Next Doar. “I 
joke around a lot, so there isn't a lot of 
difference between me on or off cam- 
era, except | sometimes talk to myself. 
I had to control that.” 


PLAYMATE DATA SHEET 


su Christina L. Santiago 
"Wc wis ӘЧ mes 33 
HEIGHT: Sa" WEIGHT: 108 lbs. @ 

BIRTH pare: JO]is] lal. _ BIRTHPLACE: Chic ago, T 

mamos: Ja bene an actress ar Chorengrapher. 


TURN-ONS: Go d Ionks > honesty, good Sene af _ 


h intel li ; бо 
his Sensitive side. 
TURNOFFS: nj ¡Sho pest rci le and 
EVERY woman sHoULD Have: Ovea} shoes Sexy Underutec 
— Qn Eminem CÀ and a. фо 
FAVORITE FOOD: € 176 at cheese, s 2 
MY FAVORITE QUOTE: Things tod H- ha 1o 

£x plaine : 
FIVE MOVIES I'VE WATCHED SEVERAL TIMES: man 

a in Le 


Me а) Mu тата Miss Чек DMS 
gr ade давод юл. Pageant: 


A Mgnt ovt 
lo Hk "mu Fien 


PLAYBOY’S PARTY JOKES 


A married couple was eating at a restaurant 
when the wife noticed her ex-husband sitting 
at the bar. “He's been drinking since I left 
him seven years ago," she said to her current 
husband. 

“That's silly, dear,” he replied. "No one cele- 
brates that much.” 


THIS MONTH'S MOST FREQUENT SUBMISSION: What 
do pantyhose and Osama bin Laden have in 
common? 

They both irritate Bush. 


A bride became annoyed by her husband's 
lusty advances on their wedding night. “Just so 
we Understand each other Lx 
manners in bed," she declared, “j 
the dinner table.” 

So the groom smoothed his rumpled hair 
and carefu nbed between the sheets. "Is 
that better?" he asked. 

"Yes," his wife replied, "much better." 

“Very good, darling," the husband whis- 
pered. “Now would you be so kind as to please 
pass the pussy?" 


A man visited a doctor after getting hit in the 
crotch by a golf ball. He said, “How bad is it, 
doc? I'm getting married next week and my fi- 
ancée is УШ a virgin 

The doctor said, “ГЇЇ have to put your penis 
in a splint to help it hcal. It should be OK by 
next week." 

Without mentioning the incident to his fi- 
ancée, the man married her. On their wedding 
night, she ripped open her dre: 
her bra. She said, “You're the first to see or 
touch these.” 

‘Then she took off her panties and said, “No 
one has ever touched me here, eith 

Barely able to contain himself, the man 
dropped his pants and said, "Look at this. It's 
still in the crate. 


A: his 30-year high school reunion, a man ran 
into his high school sweetheart. He asked her, 
"How have you been?" 
“1 just had a hysterectomy,” she replied. 
"Oh my, that's too bad," 
“It is,” she said. "But the good news is that 
the doctor found the class ring you thought 
you'd lost.” 


and took off 


boy asked his father, "Daddy, is it 
some parts of Chin: doesn't 
fe until they get marri 
The father replied, “Son, that happens in 
every country." 


A mother was cleaning the house when she 
found her son's hidden stash of S&M maga- 
zines. She asked her husband, "What should 1 
do about thi 

"Well," he said. “One thing is for sure. Don't 
give him a spanking." 


The two hottest guys in high school were Juan 
and Amahl, the twin sons of a Spanish mother 
and an Arabic father. Every girl in school want- 
ed to have sex with them. Two sisters were 
lucky enough to have some success in bedding 
the twins. 

"I did it with Juan when we went out last 
night, and it was really nice,” the younger sis- 
ter said. "But 1 won't be really satisfied until 
I've had his brother, too." 

‘The older sister rolled her eyes. "Hey, 
they're twins, and I've had them both. Take it 
from me, if you've fucked Juan, you've fucked 
Amahl." 


Why do married men hang strobe lights in 
their bedrooms 

So they can pretend their wives are moving 
during sex 


A woman told her friend, “I made my hus- 
band a millionairc." 

I he friend asked, “What was he before you 
married him?" 

She replied, "A billionairc." 


Р! лувоу ciassic: Two men were trying to get 
in a quick 18 holes, but there were two slow 
female golfers ahead of them. The first man 
said, “I'm going to ask them if we can play 
through." 

He got about halfway there and then turned 
around. His friend asked, “What happened?" 

He replied, “One of them is my wife and the 
other one is my mistress. You try." 

So the second man walked toward them. 
Halfway there, he turned around. His friend 
asked, "What happened?" 

He replied, "Small world." 


Send your jokes on postcards to Party Jokes Editor, 
PLAYBOY, 680 North Lake Shore Drive, Chicago, 
Illinois 60611, or by e-mail to jokes@playboy.com. 
$100 will be paid to the contributor whose submis- 
sion is selected. Sorry, jokes cannot be returned. 


“. . . Oh, it’s you, Hawkins. For a moment you gave me quite a start!” 


103 


SECRETS OF A 


ME 7 


COK 


sE AA ت‎ 


ARTIST 


BY COREY LEVITAN 


omen are easy. It's men who make things tough. 

Meeting women and getting laid is simple. It re- 
quires one part charm, one part looks, one part money and 
97 parts balls of steel. Sometimes, though, formulas and 
lists and advice on pickup lines fall flat on the page. Some- 
times you aren't convinced. Sometimes extraordinary mea- 
sures are necessary to get lucky. 

Corey Levitan is a guy like many other guys. Not aver- 
age—just regular. What he lacks in height he makes up for 
in an easygoing personality and the ability to have a good 
laugh. He was perfect for this project. His assignment? Hit 
on every attractive woman he meets for one week. No per- 
sonals, no friends of friends. Pure cold-calling. Instead of 
hitting on women he thought were obtainable, he had to 
speak to every one he saw. If he didn't employ our tech- 
niques 24/7, he wouldn't get paid. Turns out he was paid in 
full. Here's his story. 


THE SUPERMARKET 


Food shopping is better than clubbing for hooking up. It 
doesn't matter what aisle you're in; everywhere is the meet 
department. If you crash and burn with an attractive female 
in a club, you have to see her the rest of the night. In a su- 
permarket, the talent recycles every 20 minutes. 

My depraved sociology experiment begins with a tall girl 
(510") who looks like Jessica Simpson's older, sluttier sis- 
ter. She's strictly top-shelf. (I’m 5'6" and can't usually reach 
the top shelf.) 

I trail her around the market as she fills her basket, wait- 
ing for the moment to launch my first sexual torpedo. 
There isn't one. So | talk some shit. 

“Hi, do you know where the milk is?” She points to the dairy 
case right behind me. | am forced to walk away. That's all she 
wrote. 

I select a carton of two percent | don't need and search the 
store for her. | figure I might be able to score a laugh if | ask 
her where a different item is every couple of minutes until 
what I’m doing becomes obvious. (continued on page 144) 


ILLUSTRATION BY PAT ANDREA 


speed thrills—and then some 


By James R. Petersen Before the 20th century began, doctors debated whether the human body could survive speeds 
greater than 60 mph. Motorcycles, first designed as pace vehicles for bicycle races or as labor-saving devices (no peddling up 
hills), quickly settled that question. In 1904 Glenn Curtiss took a five-horsepower Hercules bike up to 67.4 mph. Soon, com- 
mentators were writing about the motorcycle's ability to annihilate distances. Three years later, Curtiss put a 40 hp VS engine 
into a two-wheeled frame and went 136.4 mph, a record that stood until 1930. At the time, the motorcycle wasn't just the fast- 
est bike on the planet, it was the fastest thing. To quench his thirst for speed, Curtiss moved on to airplanes. By the Twenties, 
speed was recognized as a dangerous sin. An expert on the moral b of youth in 1934 blamed electric lights, lurid mov- 
ies, automobiles, jazz and nightclubs, literature tinted with porn the theater, cheap magazines with fabricated tales 
of true love, the growing cults of nudism and open confession, the prevalence of economic uncertainty—and speed. Of all these 
temptations, speed is the purest and the most involving. Speed is a modern invention, a mortal sin, a (concluded on page 142) 


1 The Yamaha YZF-R1 is 
everything an open-class 
road warrior should be: 
sleek, swift and sexy. The 
in-line four puts out 152 
horsepower. Top speed: 
167 mph. Price: $10,299. 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY GEORGE GEORGIOU. 


108 


“Is that one of those new cameras that do all the thinking for you?” 


WAS. YOUR: FIRST 

SEXUAL EXPERIENCE 

А6000 ONE? 

Nop it was terrible He 

Was my Boyfrichd of 

two years. In refraspietfs 

Ка Rad a cocktail weer 

nie; hut КОЧЕ qt the 
time it was: antu: 

an this big ugly. thing 
«omg at mech thought ft 
would never ga inside me: 
Watried and tried; but it 
Теча, Emean, we 
needed а shoehorn Alter 
two or three attempts itti 
nally worked Bur tt stilt 
Wasn't furt- t quess her 
«use. we didn't knaw what 
We Were doing: It really. 
wasn ton my agenda was 
having toa much ton koinga 
¡hecrlender twas veal 
Repay and flirty. 


Spy Gy 


ix dates, and al = 
“On this incredible night, thoog 
- -da't get too Kissy к 
Б mosie nd tok the eins. 


put on 50! 


We'd had about 
kiss passionately, 


ntatively. Fi 
button, but not t€! Р : 
pis ere vor ре he'd read ab 


wb 3 
Pa ande. М seemed AN pis lips солай O, 


JACKPOT 


david edwards’ 
life was broken. 
then he won 
$28 million. 
what did 


the money fix? 


TANDING AT the checkout counter 
of Clark's Pump 'n Shop in West- 
wy wood, Kentucky, David Edwards 
7] decided to forgo his usual lottery 
ritual. Instead of picking num- 
bers by family birth dates, he 
closed his eyes and went with the 


first thing that came to mind: 8, 
LE 17, 22, 49, 47, 21. Half a dozen 
BEE numbers, locked and loaded, like 

a thousand fruitless times before. 
He walked across the street to his little mus- 


tard-colored house behind the funeral home. It 
was Saturday evening, August 25, 2001. Edwards 
was 46 years old. He owed more than $1000 in 
child support, had no job, no health insurance 
and, at the moment, no running water. What he 
had were two ex-vives, an 11-year-old daughter, 
a 26-year-old fiancée, a felony prison record, a 
chronically bad back from having been run off his 
porch by a drunk driver and the psychological 
shrapnel from a traumatic childhood. When he 
was a baby, his sister, a seven-year-old with a bad 
heart, died in surgery. When he was 10, his 18- 
year-old brother died in Greenbo Lake after div- 
ing into shallow water. At 11, Edwards had to be 
teargassed from beneath a house like a possum 
during a shoot-out with the state police. After 
dropping out of high school he went to Ohio and 
then Florida, holding a variety of jobs—bartend- 
ing, construction, peddling china door-to-door. 
Eventually, Edwards went to Vegas and worked as 
a bodyguard for a casino president's wife. It was а 
thug's life of mansions, flashy jewelry, concealed 
weapons and slick (continued on page 139) 


uo article BY PAIGE WILLIAMS 


ILLUSTRATION BY GUY BILLOUT 


Amanda Peet 


PLAYBOY'S 


the beautiful brainiac on quakers versus shakers, 
belching and firearm safety while nude 


B orn and raised in New York, Aman- 
da Peel attended a private Quaker 
school until she was seven, when her fami- 
ly moved to London. Upon the Peets’ return 
four years later, she completed her Quaker 
‘schooling, then atiended Columbia Univer- 
sity, from which she graduated with a major 
in American history. Interested in acting 
throughout school, Peet was accepted into 
theater coach Uta Hagen's class while in her 
junior year at college. Over the next few 
‘years, Peet auditioned for roles, winning a 
Skittles commercial, doing off-Broadway, 
small parts on Seinfeld, Law and Order and 
Spin City, and acting in a load of forget- 
table, low-budget independent films such as 
Grind, with Billy Crudup. In the mix were 
a few mainstream movies, like One Fine 
Day, starring George Clooney, and Edward 
Burns’ comedy She's the One, where she 
gained attention playing Jennifer Aniston's 
sister. Peet stole scenes and gathered momen- 
tum in the underappreciated Simply Irre- 
sistible, Body Shots and Isn't She Great, with 
Bette Midler and Nathan Lane. The WB 
network took notice and signed her to star 
in Jack and Jill, in which the former tom- 
boy played Jacqueline “Jack” Barrett. The 
series had a two-season run. Her breakout 
film role arrived in The Whole Nine Yards, 
opposite Bruce Willis, in which she shows off 
her comedic talent shooting two guys while 
nude. She followed with Whipped, co-star- 
ring her now ex-boyfriend Brian Van Holt, 
and Saving Silverman, playing a bitchy 
psychologist opposite Jason Biggs and Jack 
Black. This year, Peet had three major-studio 
films: Changing Lanes, with Ben Affleck 
and Samuel L. Jackson, High Crimes, co- 
starring Ashley Judd and Morgan Freeman, 
and Igby Goes Down, playing Jeff Gold- 
blum's herain-addicted mistress. 

Robert Crane caught up with Peet at the 
Coffee House in West Hollywood. He re- 
ports: ‘Amanda is smart, beautiful and eas- 
ily bored, and has exceptionally attractive 
feet. She's also the first person I've inter- 
viewed who has the atiractive ability to 
stretch her upper body across a dining table, 
all the while purring into my tape recorder. 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY FIROOZ ZAHEO! 


She occasionally sal back and sipped a cup 
of tea.” 


1 


PLAYBOY: How much of the Quaker has 
rubbed off on you? 

pert: A little. The Quakers have a liter- 
al interpretation of the Bible. I find the 
antihierarchical pacifism and “Love thy 
neighbor” powerful. Most people have 
a misconception about Quakers, that 
they're gray, austere and conservative. 
But the truth is they're politically rad- 
ical. It's not sexy, but there are some 
sexy Quakers. 


2 


PLAYBOY: Can you name any? 
PEET: There were some sexy teachers 
at my school. I had a big crush on my 
math teacher. He was a Quaker, very 
sexy. I almost liked math because of 
him. Too bad I was dreadful at 


3 


PLAYBOY: What school did you attend? 

PEET: I went to Manbattan Friends Sem- 
inary. My mother loved the school. 
She's Jewish and wanted me to go therc. 


4 


PLAYEOY: List the advantages of a Quak- 
er education 

PEET: You can call teachers by their first 
names. You don't get grades until ninth 
grade. You're not allowed to punch any- 
one. I you do, you get into big trouble, 
even if you're not on school time. You 
have to participate in a race day. It's 
the opposite of a Sixteen Candles school. 
You were deemed inferior if you didn't 
know what was going on in politics and 
didn't perform well in school. 


5 


PLAYBOY: Are there important differ- 
ences between Shakers and Quakers? 
veer: 1 think Shakers get up and con- 


vulse during their meetings, whereas 
Quakers sit still unless they are moved 
to speak. Then you have what's called a 
popcorn meeting, where people get up 
and speak and then sit down. Every- 
one's allowed to speak because there's 
no priesthood. The idea is that the light 
of God is equal within everyone, so that 
precludes any kind of hierarchy. No 
one's closer to God than anyone else. I 
don't know the difference, really. Shak- 
ers sound sexier, though 


6 


PLAYBOY: Account for Columbia Uni- 
versity's dismal football team. 

PEET: Everyone's too busy talking about 
bullshitism. Our football cheer is: "Our 
football team may not win, but at least 
we're not in New Haven." My sister 
went to Yale, so I used to sing it to her. 


7 


PLAYBOY: We understand you toss the 
football around. How tight is your spi- 
ral? Do you get good speed on it? 
РЕЕТ: Its tight. On occasion, it veers 
ever so slightly. Its precision is flawless. 
My father was a quarterback at Yale 


8 


PLAYBOY: Did the gun you used in The 
Whole Nine Yards have a kick to it? 

PEET: Yes—I fell over and screamed the 
first time I shot the thing. And for a 
while they considered keeping that 
take, but then they thought I should be 
more suave in my handling. 


9 


PLAYBOY: Is it possible to be topless and 
maintain firearm safety? 

PEET: Yes. I came out of it unscathed. 
No discharges—from my gun, anyway. 
Dealing with a gun is scary whether or 
not you are wearing any clothes. It was 
liberating, actually, kind of like skinny- 
dipping. (concluded on page 154) 


113 


ome of the country's trend- 
iest nightspots have raised 
the bar on cocktails. You 
may feel like raising the 
bar, too, after you toss back 
a concoction of alcohol and 
energy drink. These babies pack a 
wallop—think of them as liquid power 
boosters. TI or bottled kicks 
5 such as Red Bull, Magic 
Recovery and Rockst*r. Flavors range 
from the light and creamy Merlins 
to the sweet strawberry taste of Pow- 
114 er Horse. Bomba comes in four vari- 


o 


By Richard Carleton Hacker 


eties—champagne blast (it taste: 
candied bubble gum), mint raspber- 
ry, orange fire and black magic (cur- 
rants)—each bottled ina hand gre- 
nade-shaped glass container. By the 
way, don't pack one in your carry-on. 
Some drinks have enough carbonation 
10 pop the lid off a martini shaker. 
Handle with care when mixing, or you 
may end up wearing your cocktail. 
Many drinks contain B complex vi- 
tamins—niacin (Bs) and pyridoxine 
(Bg)—and herbs such as caffeine-rich 
guarana and ginseng (said to increase 


want to jump-start the cocktail hour? sip one of these 


sexual prowess), plus taurine (suppos- 
edly reduces stress). The cocktail on 
the right is the Star F**ker—that’s the 
way it's spelled on the menu at Lola's, 
the West Hollywood hot spot that orig- 
inated it. According to Loren Duns- 
worth, owner of Lola's, Customers 
order the drink just so they can say 
‘Star Fucker' to their dates.” As the 
number of energy drinks grows, so 
does the number of cocktails you can 
make with them. Here are a few to get 
you started—then experiment with 
your own. (concluded on page 116) 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY GEORGE GEORGIOU 


PLAYBOY 


116 


STAR FUCKER 
LOLAS, WEST HOLLYWOOD, 


The Star Fucker was created for the 
2001 Oscars, as many attendees end 
vp at this Hollywood restaurant af- 
ter the ceremony. 

2 ounces Finlandia Arctic Cranberry 

vodka 

2 ounces De Kuyper Apple Pucker 

schnapps 

3 ounces Red Bull energy drink 

Star fruit slice 

Pour vodka and schnapps into shak 
er filled with ice. Shake for 30 seconds, 
then pour into chilled martini glass 
that is filled one third with Red Bull. 
Garnish with star fruit. 


BAT AND BULL 


2 ounces Bacardi Light rum 
6 ounces Red Bull 
Pour into tall glass filled with ice. Stir. 


SAPPHIRE BULL 


2 ounces Bombay Sapphire gin 

2 ounces Red Bull 

Fresh lime 

In tall glass filled with ice, pour gin 
and Red Bull. Add squeeze of lime and 
stir gently. 


NAUGHTY BY NATURE 
VISION NIGHTCLUB, 
SAUGUS. MASSACHUS 


Ts 


К ounce Absolut vodka 

% ounce Passoà passion fruit liqueur 

8 ounces Sobe Adrenaline Rush 

energy drink 

In collins glass filled with ice, com. 
bine vodka and Passoà. Add Sobe and 
stir. Note: Passoà is available at liquor 
stores in a number of states, mainly in 
the Fast, Midwest and South. 


же 


1C RIM 


1 200ml bottle Red Square energy 
drink (contains alcohol) 

У teaspoon powdered wasabi 

2 drops Tabasco 

1 chili pepper 

Pour Red Square into shaker filled 
with ice. Add the wasabi and Tabasco. 
Shake gently and pour into chilled mar- 
tini glass. Slice pepper into halves. Re- 
move seeds. Garnish with pepper. 


STRONG ARM 


1 bottle Guinness stout (cold) 

1 bottle Red Square (cold) 

Gently pour Guinness into highball 
glass until half full. Add Red Square. 
Do not sur. 


BORIS YELTSIN 


1 bottle Red Square 

14 ounces Stolichnaya vodka 

1% ounces Beefeater gin 

1% ounces Jose Cuervo tequila 
14 ounces peppermint schnapps 
Lemon slice 


Pour Red Square into highball glass 
filled with ice. Stir in vodka, gin, tequi- 
la and schnapps. Garnish with lemon. 


BLOW ME 


1 bottle Red Square 

14 ounces Smirnoff vodka 

1% ounces Kahlua 

2 tablespoons freshly whipped cream 

% teaspoon powdered nutmeg 

Pour Red Square into highball glass 
filled with ice. Add vodka and Kahlua 
and stir. Using the back of a teaspoon, 
gently float whipped cream on top. 
Sprinkle with nutmeg. 


IRISH FLORIDIAN 
ABBY'S HIGHWAY 40. RENO 


% ounce Boru orange-flavored vodka 

X ounce Boru citrus-flavored vodka 

% ounce fresh orange juice 

4 ounces Red Bull 

1 tablespoon sugar 

Combine all but sugar in shaker and 
shake gently, keeping a tight hand on 
the lid. Rim an oversize chilled martini 
glass with sugar. Fill glass with crushed 
ice. Strain contents of shaker into glass. 


ABSOLUT ROCKST-R 


THE SOUND FACTORY, SAN FRANCISCO 


1% ounces Absolut vodka 

5 ounces Rockst*r energy drink 

Lime slice 

Pour vodka and Rockst*r into rocks 
glass filled with ice. Stir and garnish 
with lime slice. 

ROCKY SAKE 
МІҮАСГУ. WEST HOLLYWOOD 


8 ounces Rockst*r 
1% ounces hot sake 
This is a group drink. Each person 


places two chopsticks parallel over the 
top of a highball glass filled with Rock 
st*r. Fill shot glasses with sake and set 
on chopsticks. Everyone bangs on the 
table with their fists until the chopsticks 
part and the sake shot falls 


CELTIC PIPEBLOWER 
. RENO 


DICK & JAN! 


8 ounces 180 energy drink 

1% ounces Celtic Crossing Irish 
liqueur 

Pour in ice-filled collins glass. Stir. 


THE ENERGIZER BUNNY 


% ounce Boru orange-flavored vodka 

% ounce apricot brandy 

% ounce Celtic Crossing Irish liqueur 

4 ounces Red Bull 

% ounce cranberry juice 

Lemon wedge 

Combine all ingredients except lem- 
on in rocks glass filled with ice. Stir. 
Squeeze in lemon. 


RED BULL MARGARITA 
CARDUNO'S, PALMS CASINO RESORT, 
LAS VEGAS 


1% ounces Jose Cuervo Cold tequila 

% ounce triple sec 

3 ounces Red Bull 

3 ounces sweet-and-sour mix 

% tablespoon sugar 

Lime wedge 

Place all ingredients except sugar 
and lime in blender. Blend well. Rim 
margarita glass with sugar. Add crushed 
ice. Pour ingredients into glass. Gar- 
nish with lime. 


RAVING MARGARITA 
GARDUNO'S, ALBUQUERQUE 


% ounces Jose Cuervo Gold tequila 

% ounce triple sec 

3 ounces Red Rave energy drink 

З ounces sweet-and-sour mix 

1 tablespoon sugar 

2 lime wedges 

Combine all ingredients except sug- 
ar and lime in shaker and shake gent- 
ly. Rim margarita glass with sugar. Fill 
with ice. Pour mixed ingredients into 
glass. Squeeze juice from one lime 
wedge into glass, stir, then garnish with 
other lime wedge. 


RED MACIC 


1% ounces Redrum (tropical fruit- 
flavored rum) 

8 ounces Magic Recovery energy 
drink 

Pour into tall glass filled with ice. Stir 


CANNONBALL 


1 bottle Red Square 

4 ounces blanco tequila 

И ounce Angostura bitters 

Pour into glass over crushed ice. Stir. 


WHERE AND HOW TO BUY ON PAGE 149 


"Loved your personal ad! ‘Retired Vestal, Extra Virgin'!" 


117 


118 


XTRAVAGANT, driven, daring, reckless—in 

many ways, Enron mirrors its hometown 

of Houston. Like oil-well gushers on the 

prairie, both rose from nowhere, the for- 

mer to become a $100 billion Fortune 
500 favorite and the latter the nation's fourth-largest 
city. Here, if you could dream it, you could make it hap- 
pen. That's what made the collapse of the company so 
hard to believe. Last December, 5000 souls lost their 
jobs, not to mention their life savings and homes, as 
Enron's stock dropped from $90-plus a share to pen- 
nies. Then the unthinkable unfolded: Enron declared 
bankruptcy—the biggest in U.S. history. Hundreds 
of lawsuits followed, accusing the energy giant of 
off-the-books accounting, insider trading and bilking 
sharcholders and employees. “Enron was a hall of mir- 
rors inside a house of cards—reporting hundreds of 
millions of dollars of phony profits cach year, while con- 
cealing billions of dollars of debt that should have been 
on its balance sheet,” read one suit, filed by the board of 
regents of the University of California, one of many in- 
stitutions to be affected nationwide. “Enron has turned 
into an enormous Ponzi scheme—the largest in history.” 
‘Though the dream has dried up for the former energy 
firm, whose execs pleaded the fifth as paper shredders 
worked overtime, its most gorgeous employees have 
found that full disclosure is the way to go. They happily 
lost their shirts in what has come to be known as our 
pink-slip pictorial. “I've had a couple of tough breaks,” 
said Carey Lorenzo, a former New York City sales rep, 
who echoed the sentiments of our other models. “What 
happened to Enron was a valley in my life, but rLavnoy 
is definitely a peak. I do believe in the adage "What goes 
around, comes around,’ and it's definitely my time to 
get a little bit back. If you surround yourself with 
goodness, it'll come. I'm going to ride this 15 minutes 
" The 
same boldness that drew Lorenzo and another nine 
of Enron's most lovely to Enron has led them to shed, 
not shred, for PLAYBOY. (text concluded on page 126) 


of fame and try to make it a million hour: 


With the locol medic hot on their trail (from left), Vanessa 
Schulte, Shari Daugherty, Taria Reed, Courinie Parker and Ja- 
nine Howard, in typical work attire, take time out for a drive- 
by photo shoot at the crooked E logo outside Enron's down- 
town headquarters. It was the first visit for Schulte, Porker and 
Howard since their layoffs. “It’s sod to see the building so 
desolate ond with debris out front,” Janine says. “It's like a 
huge empire defloted. And now that Enron has tumbled on its 
side, the E's an M—and it stands for moron." The cartoon at 
right wos one of many spowned by the furor over Enron's foll 
and the fascination with PLAYBOY’s pictorial 


ihere's no 
accounting 
for beauty 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY 
GEN NISHINO 


119 


OF ENRON 


| xhibitionist she moy be, but Carey Lorenza (above), 31, 
makes no apolagies. "There's nothing wrang with а waman's body. 
We were born nude,” says Carey, wha sald energy at Enran's NYC af- 
fice. Toria Reed (right), 31, hos no regrets abaut her time with Enron. 
A married database coardinatar for the company, she hopes ta be- 
came o math prafessor. If a student osks for an autagraph, "that 
would be coal.” For licensed pilat Janine Haward (oppasite), 39, the 
ultimate rush is speed—miles per haur, that is. She alsa rafts and scu- 
ba dives. A former Houston energy sales exec, she knows what she 
wauld contribute ta Jus’ Stuff, the secondhand shap of Kenneth Lay's 
wife, Lindo. “A heari—that's what he needs.” 


Boy moy help Caurt- 
nie Parker (left), 27. The farmer re- 
cruiter hos scods of T-shirts, mugs 
опа ather Enron stuff. She alsa val- 
ves a lesson learned: "With men, 
size matters—but with componies, 
it doesn't. Now I'm looking for a 
firm that’s stable, not large.” Va- 
nessa Schulte (opposite), 28, may 
consider it a literary lough track, 
but she’s holding on ta her Enron 
ethics manual. “Our values were 
bosed on respect, integrity, com- 
municolion and excellence. Now 
it oll seems a big joke.” Yet the 
former web developer in Houston 
misses the "cutthraat but energiz- 
ing competition. It was a lot like 
Hollywood: fancy cars and people 
wha had more money than they 
knew what to do with." The mar- 
ried aspiring art gallery awner naw 
caunts “a solid retirement plan” os 
her major turn-on versus her turn- 
offs of "hairy backs, occountants— 
ond anyone who's arrogant, which 
exemplifies Enran.” 


lectric describes both Christine Nielsen's photo 

session (opposite) and the air at her Enron office 

in Portland, Oregon, where she was a project co- 

ordinator. “At Enron, the hair on my arms stood up 

as I watched people running around,” says Chris- 
fine, 28, who's training to be a midwife. "I realized I didn't have 
the needed killer instinct." Doffing duds runs in the family for 
Maya Arthur (above), 29, whose husband is an ex-stripper. 
Houston ex-sales rep Lori Hodges (at left), 35, isn’t anxious 
about her father’s reaction to the pictorial. “What's he going to 
do—ground me?" Since being laid off, Cynthio Coghlan (be- 
low), 28, has padded-Sumo wrestled in Cuba and cheered on 
the Maple Leafs in Toronto, where she sold Enron energy. 


xciting! That's what 22-year-ald Shari Daugher- 
ty thaught when asked to stand starkers in front of Enran head- 
quarters and the world. Nudity—onytime, an, 
faze the infarmatian technology security admi 
ron. "I'm free-spirited, open and sexual." Her only cancern 
when security laitered at her shaot was “I didn't want it ta end." 
The Houstanian plans ta mave ta France ane day with her 
French husband, a former Enran employee. "It's near everythi 
1 hald dear: snawbaarding, scuba diving, shapping and sex.” 


naan 


a 


Like Enron itself, PLAYBOY'S exploits in Houston re- 
ceived plenty of attention. Secret Service men surround- 
ed the PLAYBOY photographers, who were victims of bad 

ng, bringing a mass of electronic equipment to a ho. 
tel just as Vice President Dick Cheney was arriving for a 
dinner with Saudi Arabian crown prince Abdullah. Given 
his druthers, perhaps Cheney would have preferred 
meeting our energy industry representatives to eating 
dinner with foreign oil dignitaries. Our models certainly 
had no place they would rather be. "I'm afraid 10 go to 
sleep because I don't want to wake up and find out my 
dream is over," says Shari Daugherty, one of the self- 
dubbed "Hotties of Enron." 


att 


SS ! 
a 


LV 


A 


PLAYBOY 


LA. HOOKERS сирот pege ва) 


"I thought she was drunk,” Leyla told the cops. Then 
a stream of blood poured out of Lyudmyla’s mouth. 


Leyla asked her to call the police. Why 
hadn't she called herself? the investiga- 
tors asked. “My English was no good,” 
Leyla answered. Why didn’t she wait 
for the police to arrive? She had no 
answer. 

A team of policemen and criminalists 
from the LAPD's North Hollywood Di- 
vision arrived early in the afternoon 
and didn't leave until after midnight. 
The corpse itself had awful bruises all 
over the head and neck, and a single, 
neat bullet hole directly above the left 
nipple, right into Lyudmyla's heart. 
There was no evidence of any sexual 
assault. The beige-carpeted modern 
apartment, where the air-conditioning 
had been turned down to a Siberian 
chill, had little furniture other than a 
large bed, nightstand, television and 
sound system. The closets overflowed 
with sexy lingerie and expensive shoes. 
‘There was an industrial supply of con- 
doms in the bathroom. 

The first search yielded no identi- 
ty papers, no address books—only a lot 
of telephone numbers jotted on ran- 
dom scraps of paper. As the cops tried 
to track the calls on the phone Lyud- 
myla had been using, they made their 
most surprising discovery—her phone 
had been tapped by the FBI. As the 
LAPD was about to find out, Lyudmy- 
la's death was no routine murder; it was 
acan of worms. 

As soon as they learned the FBI was 
involved, the local police kicked the 
case upstairs, or actually downtown, to 
the Robbery-Homicide Division. The 
RHD, as it is known, is the elite corps 
of the LAPD. Robbery-Homicide han- 
dles the city's highest profile cases: the 
big bank heists and big murders, such 
as the Manson carnage and the Nicole 
Brown Simpson-Ronald Goldman 
slayings. The Lyudmyla Petushenko 
case was assigned to two of the depart- 
menús stalwarts, Charles Knolls and 
Brian McCartin. 

Knolls, 45, had roots in the San Fer- 
nando Valley, where the victim had 
been found. He had worked his way up 
at Von's grocery chain from bag boy to 
the head office, when at 30, frustrat- 
ed by corporate life and inspired by a 
brother-in-law in the FBI, he joined 
the LAPD. 

McCartin, a wiry 42-year-old who 
"didn't like to sit still," served as an 
Army paratrooper as well as a New 


York City fireman before moving west 
to join the LAPD in 1983. The styles of 
the two detectives couldn't have been 
more different. Knolls, true to the laid 
back California stereotype, likes to “sit 
back and let people talk and talk and 
talk," he admits. McCartin, who has a 
master's degree in behavioral science, 
likes to “get into people's faces. My 
training was based on boot camp,” he 
sa Take names and kick ass." As 
Knolls, in his understated way, says, 
"Brian has a tendency todo things a lit- 
tle quicker than I do." 

What the two detectives had in com- 
mon was a total inability to penetrate 
or comprehend Los Angeles’ 250,000- 
member Russian community, a Byzan- 
tine agglomeration of Slavs, Jews, Ar- 
menians, Georgians, ex-KGB officers 
and ex-Communists—a citizenry as di- 
verse as that of the old Soviet Union, 
united only by a common desire to 
make it in California. To lead the way 
through this maze, the RHD assigned 
Knolls and McCartin a new partner, 
30-year-old Kiev-born, Valley-raised 
David Krumer, who'd recently joined 
the force after graduating from UCLA 
and Southwestern University School of 
Law. One of the rare Jews and rarer 
native Russians in local law enforce- 
ment, Krumer made an unlikely cop. 
With his Tom Cruise looks and James 
Stewart purity, he could have used his 
law degree as a passport to any number 
of high-paying law firms. Yet this son of 
a baker, who had recently gone back to 
the Ukraine to marry a premed daugh- 
ter of a family friend, had his own 
unique take on the American dream. 

Not wanting to be “one of those 
smart Jews who get beat up,” Krumer 
had become a black belt and Kempo 
karate instructor. He was a pretty boy, 
but he was tough. He was also more 
interested in justice than he was in 
wealth. His parents were disappointed 
by his new career choice. “There are 
no bragging rights for a Jewish cop,” 
says Krumer. Nevertheless, the new of- 
ficer was thrilled to be on the force and 
working with such pros as Knolls and 
McCartin. What he wasn't thrilled about 
was experiencing the dark side of the 
Russian community that his parents 
had hidden from Krumer and his two 
sisters. 

The initial meeting between the FBI 
and the LAPD smacked of a Mexican 


standoff. The always secretive FBI did 
not want to show its hand; the LAPD 
had no hand to show. The ice was bro- 
ken when a certain chemistry devel- 
oped between the handsome Krumer 
and a woman on the FBI team. Aside 
from his looks, she was interested in his 
ability to access a world the FBI had 
been exposed to only via its wiretaps. 
Why not let the RHD do the FBI's 
dirty work? Knolls, MeCartin and Kru- 
mer had no problem serving as the 
feds’ truffle hounds. 

The FBI offered its files, and the 
LAPD dived in, only to discover the 
complexity of the case. The feds’ inter- 
est in Los Angeles’ Russians involved 
not merely the FBI, but also the Im- 
migration and Naturalization Service 
and the Border Patrol. The focus of all 
three agencies was the large-scale traf- 
ficking of Russians, particularly young 
Russian women, over the Mexican bor- 
der. The route under investigation was 
from Kiev via Amsterdam to Mexico 
City, then toa Mexican villa in Rosarito 
and over the border at Tijuana to San 
Diego and the promised land. There 
had been hundreds, if not thousands, 
of people smuggled across in the past 
few years. The wiretaps showed that a 
ring was organizing the smuggling as 
well as conscripting the women to pros- 
titution. One of the most frequently 
dialed numbers on Lyudmyla's phone 
was that of the suspected ringleader, a 
charismatic character by the name of 
Serge Mezheritsky, who is currently un- 
der indictment. 

“That was the slickest piece of work 
Lever saw," says McCartin, who went 
with Knolls and Krumer to interview 
the 62", muscular, blond 35-year-old 
Russian in his multilevel home in the 
Hollywood Hills. There were five ex- 
pensive vehicles out front, including 
the latest Mercedes. The cops later 
learned that Serge was planning to 
use a “Sex UV,” aconverted pleasure 
van equipped with a bed and its own 
Jacuzzi, as a rolling brothel, ferrying 
johns and hookers up and down Sun- 
set Strip. “He was sly, very ingratiating, 
like a nightclub shill,” says Krumer 

“He was so cocky and arrogant that he 
agreed to take a polygraph. When the 
results were inconclusive, he couldn't 
believe it. He was convinced the ma- 
chine was defective.” 

To Serge, everything in America 
worked; it had always worked for him. 
The son of Jewish émigré parents and 
a graduate of Fairfax High School, 
Serge had made a lot of money in as- 
sorted schemes, claiming to be in the 
auto parts business. Whatever he called 
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the hills. Well enough, in fact, to run for 
City Council in West Hollywood. He lost, 
but he was intent on running again. 

Cars were Serge's passion. Police theo- 
rized he was involved in an auto theft 
ring that sent stolen cars to Mexico. 
They have presented their evidence to 
the DA and as of May were still await- 
ing a possible indictment. Serge was no 
stranger to the LAPD's Burglary Auto 
Theft Division. They had investigated 
Mezheritsky so often, and so unsuccess- 
fully, that he felt he had not only an im- 
munity from prosecution but also a re- 
lationship with the police. “He thought 
he had the same deal with us.” Krumer 
says. "He told us tons of stuff," McCartin 
adds, "assuming that in return for help- 
ing us, we would protect him. But every- 
thing he told us was self-serving and 
mostly lies. He thought he was a genius, 
and we were flat-out stupid." 

Without actually confessing to any 
personal wrongdoing, Serge told the po- 
lice he was having a torrid affair with 
Lyudmyla. For free, of course. He also 
told them he was having affairs with a 
number of the other newly arrived Rus- 
sian prostitutes. And always for free. He 
was that irresistible. He had no interest 
in how his lovers earned their living. 
Serge surmised that Lyudmyla had met 
her end at the hands of a jealous mad- 
am. Insisting that he wanted to see her 
avenged, Serge gave the investigators 


the names and numbers of several Rus- 
sian callgirls. 

Almost all the women Serge identified 
were extremely attractive—tall and taw- 
ny with great figures, the athletic beach- 
goddess types the world associates with 
southern California. The cops could see 
why these women were taking over the 
sex trade. American girls with these 
looks charged upwards of $500 an hour. 
The Russians had undercut them with a 
bargain rate of $150 an hour. Small won- 
der that Heidi Fleiss, upon her release 
from jail, hadn't gone back into the busi- 
ness. The Russians had priced her out of 
the market. 

“One thing they are not is lazy,” Mc- 
Cartin explains. "In the USSR they grew 
up with no religion, no morality. Prosti- 
tution is not considered a bad thing. In 
fact, it's considered a great way to make 
money. That's why it’s exploding here. 
What we saw was just a tip of the ice- 
berg.” McCartin minimizes the notion of 
white slavery. “These girls didn't come 
over here expecting to be nannies. They 
knew exactly what they wanted and what 
they were getting into.” 

There were three ways that the wom- 
en could enter the U.S. The most enter- 
prising would pretend to be Jewish and 
request political asylum. With the liber- 
alization of the new Russia, religious per- 
secution has become largely a nonissue, 
making this ruse much more difficult to 


“Good to finally meet you, Ms. Schaeffer. Your X rays really 
don't do you justice.” 


employ. Others would enter the country 
on a three-month tourist visa and sim- 
ply never leave. And then there was the 
third option, the one the feds were ıry- 
ing to stop. It was called being trafficked, 
but, as McCartin notes, there were few 
unwilling participants. A fee, ranging 
from $2500 to $10,000, paid to a “travel 
agent” in Kiev would get a girl to Mexi- 
co and a villa in Rosarito for about a 
month. There, to get the California look, 
she would work on her tan, start dress- 
ing in LA clothes—UCLA T-shirts or 
anything Gap—and be taught American 
inflection and slang like “totally” and 
“awesome.” 

Once in California, the girl would be 
auctioned to a Russian pimp or madam 
for anywhere from $2500 to $20,000. 
The sum of the travel fee, the auction 
fee and a cost-of-living fee constituted 
what a girl had to earn out before she 
was free. In hooker accounting, the girl 
could credit only half of her sexual gross 
toward her goal of breaking even, then 
breaking out, which took the average 
girl about a year. With no English and 
few lucrative options, most of the girls 
elected to remain in the game. The most 
motivated of the lot would become mad- 
ams and take their place in this pyramid 
scheme of commercial sex. 

The prostitutes would be housed in 
apartments in Beverly Hills, West Holly- 
wood and Studio City, places with high 
concentrations of entertainment indus- 
try types, the core clientele. The mad- 
ams would advertise their charges on the 
Internet and in local alternative newspa- 
pers such as LA Weekly and New Times. In 
addition to the estimated thousands of 
Russian prostitutes in LA, there was an 
elaborate support group of drivers, tele- 
phone touts, hairdressers, manicurists 
and bikini waxers to sell, transport and 
glamorize the girls, and another support 
group of lawyers, accountants and mon- 
ey launderers—almost always Russian— 
to keep track of the spoils. The system 
was decentralized. There were many 
small agencies, as the madam operations 
were known, and few ran more than 15 
girls at a time. 

For the past several years Mezher- 
itsky himself was believed to have been 
in an alliance with an elegant 50-year- 
old Russian in the Valley named Tetyana 
Komisaruk. An indictment alleges that 
together they imported illegal a 
from Ukraine and sold some of them in- 
to prostitution. Tetyana's involvement 
was a family affair: Her 40-year-old hus- 
band, her pretty daughters, 31 and 25, 
and her stylish son-in-law, 29, were al- 
legedly all part of a ring that included а 
number of Kiev-based Ukrainians on the 
supply side and a real estate agent in Los 
Angeles who laundered profits by buy- 
ing and selling expensive property. 


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Serge had two pleasure crafts he used 
to transport Ukrainians from Tetyana's 
fancy beach villa in Rosarito to San Di- 
ego. He also had a Lincoln rigged with 
special shocks so that the car wouldn't 
look weighted down by the Ukrainians 
being hidden in the trunk. But Serge 
was getting greedy. Having learned the 
smuggling business from the Komisaruk 
family, police theorized that Serge want- 
ed to jettison them and take on a single 
partner, namely the clever, hard-work- 
ing Lyudmyla. Lyudmyla was well con- 
nected in Kiev; she could be Serge's new 
Tetyana. 

Moreover, as the feds learned through 
wiretaps, Serge was concocting a far 
more ambitious prostitution operation, 
typified by such jazzy accoutrements as 
his Sex UV. He was talking about setting 
up video cameras in the apartments of 
his whores to blackmail rich and famous 
johns. Serge had seen how Hugh Grant 
and Eddie Murphy, apparently at sea 
without a madam like Heidi Fleiss, had 
suffered in the press for their street dal- 
liances. The hush money he discussed 
would be as much as a quarter of a mil- 
lion dollars per celebrity. Serge also want- 
ed to upgrade to “Heidi prices,” so that 
the cream of his Russian beauties would 
each gross $10,000 a day. 

As titillating as these details were, they 
were of no real help to Knolls, McCar- 
tin and Krumer. They had a murder to 
solve, and a month later there were still 
no tangible leads. Then they learned 
of a taped conversation between Serge 
and his Fairfax High classmate Alex Van 
Kovn, another Americanized Russian 


who had become a lawyer. Van Kovn was 
indicted for allegedly providing fraud- 
ulent documents for some of the ille- 
gal Ukrainians. He later pleaded guilty 
to harboring illegal aliens, witness tam- 
pering and making false statements in 
court. The cops listened to a tape on 
which Serge and Van Kovn discussed 
someone called Boxer. Van Kovn stat- 
ed, "He killed your girlfriend, he killed 
my girlfriend, he killed your business 
completely." 

"Absolutely, pal," Serge agreed. "He 
just totally killed my business." Then 
Van Kovn, who sounded as if he, too, 
had been sleeping with Lyudmyla, shared 
his regrets that Serge's "grandiose plans" 
had all been destroyed by Lyudmyla's 
murder. 

Who was Boxer? The cops had the 
tape from the surveillance camera at the 
Arch Drive apartment on the morning 
Lyudmyla was murdered, and it record- 
ed lots of people going in and out. The 
three cops pored over the grainy tape 
until they could identify each tenant, 
each delivery person, each handyman 
and maid. Finally, there were only two 
entries who could not be identified: a 
bald man and a woman who arrived to- 
gether at 9:03 and departed at 9:23. It 
was a short stay, but time enough to have 
dispatched Lyudmyla. 

After they showed the video to the 
FBI, the feds recognized a potential sus- 
pect. The man, Alexander Gabay, 36, 
was a classmate of Serge and Van Kovn 
at Fairfax High. Unlike Serge, however, 
Alex had gone straight. A former Navy 
Seabee, he had graduated from the pres- 


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tigious Southern California Institute of 
Architecture. Alex' specialty was archi- 
tectural welding, and he had a fancy cli- 
entele in Beverly Hills, Brentwood and 
Malibu. A killer? Not likely. But as Kru- 
mer worked the West Hollywood grape- 
vine, he found out that before his fami 
ly had immigrated to Los Angeles when 
he was 15. Alex was a kickboxing expert 
in Moscow. Hence the nickname Boxer, 
used only by Serge, Van Kovn and a few 
others in the high school circle. 

"The girl on the tape was identified as 
Oxana Meshkova, 23. She was one of 
six Kievans Serge had helped transport 
from Mexico to San Diego on July 4, 
2000. She and three other fellow travel- 
ers were sold to Lyudmyla Petushenko at 
auction with the expectation that they 
would enter the business. 

Lyudmyla became dissatisfied with 
Oxana, who clearly had no interest in 
play for pay. Lyudmyla tried to unload 
Oxana to other madams. None wanted 
her. Only Gabay, who had met Oxana at 
a party Serge had thrown for his new ar- 
rivals, showed any interest in the girl, 
who had lified weights back in Ukraine. 
He invited her to move into his down- 
town loft on East Sixth Street. Alex 
and Oxana became the LAPD's prime 
suspects in the murder of Lyudmyla 
Petushenko. 

Speaking perfect English, Gabay ac- 
knowledged having gone with Oxana to 
visit Lyudmyla on the day of her death 
so Oxana could pick upa bag of clothing 
she had lefi there. He found Lyudmy- 
la alive and left her alive. In a separate 
interrogation room, Oxana, extremely 
anxious because of her illegal status, told 
the same story to Krumer, who translat- 
ed it for his superiors. By the end of a 
long day, however, Oxana had changed 
her story several times, from Lyudmy- 
la's being alive when she and Alex left 
to Lyudmyla's being dead when they 
arrived. That evening Alex and Oxana 
were arrested and charged with Lyud- 
myla's murder. 

Alex Gabay's loft didn't fit with his im- 
age of being a successful architect. “It 
was a pit," says Krumer. "His mother 
would have been appalled." The bath- 
room plumbing didn't work, and there 
was nothing but a hot plate to prepare 
food. The walls were plastered with por- 
nographic photos of Alex’ assorted girl- 
friends, some of them with a naked Alex 
participating in kinky poses. Weapons 
abounded. There were crossbows and 
arrows, rifles, pistols and bullet casings 
There were welding torches and clumps 
of metal the police assumed were Alex" 
art. "It was a junkyard,” said Krumer. Al- 
though Alex did not seem like a killer, 
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Still, the LAPD case was by no means 
open-and-shut. For nearly a year after 
their arrest and incarceration in down- 
town jails, Alex and Oxana continued to 
insist on their innocence. Despite repeat- 
ed police interrogations, they confessed 
to nothing. No witnesses to the murder 
came forward. None of Serge's prosti- 
tute friends knew Alex; he wasn't in that 
loop. A few of the Kievans had met Ox- 
ana when she arrived, but none had ever 
worked with her. As far as anyone knew, 
she had never turned a trick in America. 

Serge Mezheritsky proclaimed his 
friend Alex’ innocence, even after Serge 
himself was arrested in May 2001 by the 
federal task force. Serge, Tetyana Komi- 
saruk and her family—in total, 18 co- 
conspirators—faced years in prison on 
alien-smuggling charges. Serge contin- 
ued to bargain. “His lawyer came to me 
and said Serge would give us the infor- 
mation we neede we got him re- 
leased. I said no dice,” McCartin says. "T 
had told him at the beginning that if I 
didn't get the truth, it would come back 
to bite him, and it did. He's convinced 1 
screwed him." Feeling betrayed by his 
cop friends, Serge now claimed that the 


FBI's wiretaps of his conversations with 
lawyer Van Kovn, also indicted as part of 
the ring, about Boxer's culpability had 
been grossly misinterpreted. The alien- 
smuggling trial began this past April. 

Unvilling to risk using any of Serge's 
doubletalk in a trial of Alex and Oxana, 
the prosecution got a break when DNA 
evidence linked a tiny spot on a pair of 
Alex’ jogging shoes with Lyudmyla's 
blood. But no other blood was found on 
any of the alleged assailants’ garments, 
and the spot didn't necessarily come 
from the commission of the crime. It 
could have been generated by casual 
contact with the splattered blood in the 
apartment after someone else had killed 
Lyudmyla. The DNA was helpful, but 
not enough to build a case. 

As the cops waited for a bigger break, 
the smuggling case and the arrest of 
Serge and Tetyana had halted the supply 
of Russian prostitutes in Los Angeles. 
The only way madams could offer new 
faces and bodies to their insatiable cli- 
ents was to raid the stables of their rivals. 
What ensued were the “whore wars.” In 
late August 2001, two Russian girls were 
lolling about in Gucci cocktail dresses in 


a fancy Sherman Oaks apartment, wait- 
ing for a client who had seen their Inter- 
net ad. When the man arrived, he had 
a gun in his hand and several large ac- 
complices behind hi You're working 
for us now,” the intruder announced, as 
his heavies ransacked the apartment for 
cash and passports. The girls were blind- 
folded, packed into a van and taken to 
an equally luxurious three-bedroom con- 
do off of Beverly Boulevard. 

“The madam who organized this raid 
was making $4 million a year, laundered 
through Russian-owned banks in New 
York City,” says a source in the LAPD. 
Adds Bret Richards, 44, the LAPD detec- 
live in charge of a series of felony kid- 
napping cases in the whore wars: “These 
are brutal people.” A few days after the 
August abductions, another Russian 
madam's army invaded a rival's mid- 
Wilshire playhouse, kidnapping four 
more prostitutes. One of the abductees 
called 911 from the bathroom of the 
Beverly Hills penthouse where she had 
been taken, and the LAPD made its first 
raid. “But the girl got the Stockholm 
syndrome,” Richards says. “She fell in 
love the chief abductor and refused 
to testify against him.” Richards has been 
frustrated that several of the other res- 
cued girls, whose testimony is key to con- 
victing the madams, have returned to 
Russia or New York. “Even if the girls 
stayed under our protection, they're ter- 
rified that they could be targeted for 
reprisal. It has been a tough case,” says 
Richards. 

As Richards worked to end the whore 
wars, Knolls, McCartin and Krumer fi- 
nally got their break. Oxana Meshkova 
decided to testify against her lover Alex 
Gabay to get herself out of jail and out of 
trouble. made a deal with her,” Mc- 
Cartin says. “But only because we be- 
lieved she was finally telling the truth.” 
Oxana now said that she and Alex had 
gone to Lyudmyla's to ascertain the 
whereabouts of Oxana's close friend, al- 
so a prostitute. Oxana had heard that 
her friend had been turned into a hero- 
in addict, and she wanted to rescue the 
19-year-old she referred to as her "baby 
sister." 

According to Oxana, when Lyudmyla 
refused to reveal her friend's where- 
abouts, a fight followed. Alex nearly 
kicked Lyudmyla to death, then finished. 
her off with a bullet from his 45. What 
gave Oxana added credibility was her 
revelation that a third person, Alex' bud- 
dy Marvin Graham, a Santa Monica bar- 
tender, had driven Alex and Oxana to 
Arch Drive that August 17. 

Knolls had now been transferred from 
the RHD back to the beat work that he 
loved, so it was McCartin who found and 
questioned Graham. The interrogation 
proved extremely successful. Graham 
not only told him Alex had admitted to 


135 


"That "something! he wanted to bounce off me was him." 


ZERO 


136 


him that he had shot Lyudmyla, but also 
surrendered part of the murder weap- 
on: the frame of a gun he had been hid- 
ing for Alex, who had melted down the 
-45 barrel but hated to let a good gun go 
to waste. With Oxana, with Graham and 
with the DNA, the DA was at last ready 
to go to trial. 

Alex Gabay's mother and stepfather, a 
prosperous Russian businessman, hired 
ace criminal lawyer Ronald Hedding to 
defend Alex. Hedding passed up a plea 
bargain. In spite of the evidence, he 
believed that the cops’ deal with illegal 
alien and would-be prostitute Oxana 
would not survive scrutiny in court. Why 
should she go free just to get Alex, 
whose own record was spotless? Hed- 
ding felt there was enough reasonable 
doubt to win an acquittal for his client. 

The trial in the case of California vs. 
Gabay opened on January 2, 2002. Op- 
posing Hedding was Deputy District At- 
torney Jane Winston, who looked like 
a surfer girl gone Armani. In the two- 
week trial, Winston would call a battery 
of witnesses, but her star was Oxana 
Meshkova, just as Hedding's was Alex 
Gabay. In the end, the battle of reason- 
able doubt would come down to he said- 
she said. 

Oxana, dressed in jailhouse blues, 
with her even drabber prison pallor and 
greasy hair, was an unlikely callgirl. Ac- 
cording to her, as explicated by a string 
of translators, she never was a callgirl, 
never intended to be one, nor had any 
idea that sin would be the price of her 
immigration to California. She recount- 
ed how, after Lyudmyla was reluctant to 
reveal her friend's location, a nasty argu- 
ment erupted in which, after Lyudmyla 
ridiculed her as a “cow,” Alex erupted in 


a lover's fatal rage. 

In his cross-examination, Hedding 
challenged Oxana's entire story. Oxana 
knew precisely why she was here, Hed- 
ding said. He dragged out her weight- 
lifting past, which she minimized as an 
attempt to shed pounds. He also got her 
to admit she occasionally shot guns for 
target practice in Alex’ loft. 

Deputy District Attorney Winston ran 
a chaste prosecution. She stayed away 
from sex. She didn't bring up prostitu- 
tion when she questioned wake-up caller 
Leyla Ismayilova. Serge Mezheritsky was 
barely mentioned. And so it went, until 
Alex took the stand in his own defense. 

His head no longer shaved and his 
blond hair slicked back, Alex, in his navy 
Italian suit, could have easily passed as a 
European banker. In a mellifluous voice, 
Alex conveyed his incredulity that he 
could be accused of this murder. The in- 
elegance of it seemed to offend him. He 
spoke of his teenage kickboxing laurels. 
His athletic physique spoke for itself. 
Why, Hedding asked him, would he beat 
a woman to death if he could have neat- 
ly killed her with one thumb pressed to 
her temple? She wouldn't have had a 
mark," Alex said. Yes, the gun that killed 
Lyudmyla belonged to htm, for recre- 
ational use. But Oxana kept it in her 
purse "for self-defense," and it was Ox- 
ana who had shot Lyudmyla. According 
to Alex, weight lifter Oxana had beat- 
en the madam to a pulp for her role in 
turning her beloved girlfriend into a 
heroin addict. After Lyudmyla called her 
a "fat cow," Oxana snapped, crushing 
Lyudmyla to the floor, stomping on her 
head and neck, and, as the coup de 
gráce, shooting her. 

What did you do? Hedding asked. "I 


"Oh, she's not my model. She's waiting for me to take my bre 


thought I should let them duke it out 
together," said Boxer, unaware of the 
depth of Oxana's rage. One witness said 
Alex loved Oxana as a "cultural girl- 
friend” who would please his mother. 
Alex explained that he had told Marvin 
Graham, who had simply stopped for 
them at Lyudmyla's en route to what was 
to have been a pleasant day at the beach 
in Venice, that he had shot Lyudmyla 
because "I didn't want Oxana to be im- 
plicated at the time. 1 think if he would 
have known that she did it, he would 
have just flipped” and turned Oxana in. 
As it was, Alex trusted his friend to pro- 
tect him, if not his girlfriend. 

Cross-examined by DA Winston, Alex 
Cabay had an answer for everything. Ex- 
cept for one detail. If Oxana had the gun 
in her purse, why was that purse not vis- 
ible on the surveillance tape? Winston 
repeatedly played the entrance and exit 
of Alex and Oxana. Alex kept his com- 
posure, complaining that the tape was 
blurry and vague and stating that Oxana 
always carried her purse. So where is 
Winston pressed, and, for once, Alex 
could only shrug. 

In summation, Hedding denounced 
the government's deal with Oxana, who 
had the motive of revenge against Lyud- 
myla, a motive Alex lacked. He was a 
gentleman who might stand up for this 
lost soul of a lover, but would he kill for 
her? Hedding said no. 

After deliberating for less than an 
hour, the jury found Alex Gabay guilty 
of second-degree murder. Since he used 
a gun, he faced a mandatory prison sen- 
tence of 40 years to life. As always, Alex 
remained cool. His mother wept. 

Oxana was released, but still faces de- 
portation charges. “She has nothing to 
celebrate. Even if they were to let Oxana 
stay, God knows what could happen to 
her family back in Kiey. Russians do not 
forgive or forget,” says Krumer, who 
went on to help Richards on the whore 
war cases. By April 2002, four male 
abductors had been sentenced to pris- 
on terms ranging from two to 12 years. 
None of the madams, however, was con- 
victed, and the investigation continues. 

“1 feel good," says McCartin of the 
verdict. “There was a time when Gabay 
was testifying that I questioned the jury's 
ability to come to the right decision. He 
was good.” McCartin is off on anoth- 
er capital case now. He's relieved to be 
moving on from the prostitution scene. 
He'll leave the whore wars to other cops. 
"Gabay's conviction will have no deter- 
rent effect” on Russian McCartin 
says. "They re all backstabbers. And there 
will be a lot more Lyudmylas. They're 
entrepreneurs. They re looking at $10,000 
a month for turning tricks. For them, 
that’s the American dream.” 


HARRISON FORD 


(continued from page 64) 
were looking at a three-day scene. That 
one somehow became legend because, 
first of all, George Lucas went nuts when 
he heard we had strayed from his script. 
I remember what director Irvin Kersh- 
ner let me do in the second Star Wars. As 
my character was about to be frozen, 
Princess Leia says, “I love you,” and I 
was supposed to say “I love you" back. I 
argued against that, suggested the char- 
acter instead say, "I know.” And George 
was crazed. 

PLAYBOY: Not a good kind of crazed? 
FORD: No, no. More like, “That's a horri- 
ble mistake!" [Laughter] And so 1 per- 
suaded him to leave it 
in for one test screen- 
ing. It was up in San 
Francisco and the line 
got what I would call a 
good laugh at an emo- 
tional moment. And 
you got the bonus of 
her sincerity and his 
in-character sincerity, 
which I thought was 
important. 

PLAYBOY: You first 
worked with Lucas 
on American Graffiti, 
which turned out to 
be an explosion of 
young talent, with 
actors like Richard 
Dreyfuss and Ron 
Howard. Was that a 
fun shoot? 

FORD: Lord, no. I al- 
most got fired once 
for taking an extra 


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for the script he had, but that script was 
never going to get made. | came along 
and suddenly there was the potential to 
get it done—not because Brad wasn't a 
big enough star. There wasn't a strong 
enough secondary character so you 
could have a case for this political point 
of view, either. There needed to be dra- 
matic tension. If the two of us could 
agree on a director, we'd get the movie 
made. We agreed on Alan Pakula, who 
went away and wrote his own version, 
which neither of us agreed to. But we 
had to go into production and there was 
much work done after we went to work. 
1 was pleased, actually. I like the movie 
very much. 


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PLAYBOY: When PLAYBOY profiled Ridley 
Scott, he said you didn’t much care for 
Blade Runner, which has become a classic. 
Your performance was so spirited, but. . . . 
FORD: But you hated the narration. 
PLAYBOY: Did you deliberately read it bad- 
ly, hoping they'd drop it? 

FORD: | was compelled by my contract to 
do the narration. When I first agreed to 
do the film, I told Ridley there was too 
much information given to the audience 
in narration. | said, “Let's take it ош and 
put it into scenes and let the audience 
acquire this information in a narrative 
fashion without being told it." And he 
said it was a good idea. We sat around 
the kitchen table and we did it. When we 
got done, the studio said nobody vill 
understand this fuck- 
ing movie. We have 
10 create a narrative. 
They had already 
thrown Ridley off the 
movie—they were 
over budget. So I was 
compelled by my 
contract to record 


feb 2001 


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for the last time and 
there's this old Holly- 
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there, pipe sticking 


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make that film, and ^. 1-800-852-6258 siiis He came to hand 
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shot it all at night. 1 | kevisnyalsommokei namen member who he was, 
remember getting in | клево те а and so I said, “Look, 
trouble for staying up | ote die Sgen o y | I've done this five 
late on nights when 1 | Omen S440 We Cheer Heal er ser on 0 SO E EEE | Limes before. Tm not 


wasn't working. And I 
got blamed for every- 
body else's pranks. Im not the guy who 
pissed in the ice machine. Swear to God. 
PLAYBOY: You starred with Brad Pitt in 
The Devil's Own, in which you played a 
cop who finds out that he's harboring an 
IRA terrorist. You two clashed over the 
script. Why? 

FORD: I wanted my character to have the 
moral equivalence of the problem that 
Brad's character had. То me, the script 
was almost an apologia for the IRA, 
which Brad was very fond of. And any- 
thing that mitigated against his powerful 
expression of a case for the IRA was 
hard fought. And I quite understand 
PLAYBOY: Is that why most movies have 
one big star and not two? 

FORD: Well, Brad was honestly fighting 


> Department 400782 


play in the press. But Brad blasted the 
film in a Newsweek article. 

FORD: I am not blaming him. He had 
a different movie in mind. There are 
a lot of movies that I feel terrible about 
because of the tortured process. I have 
enormous respect for him as an actor 
and as a man. He's a dear, gentle soul 
and I really like him. And it was rougher 
on him than it was on me, because I was 
fighting for what I wanted to do and he 
was just trying to hold on to what he 
had, this object that was slipping out of 
his hands. I think the lesson that he 


learned is, you can never let the mother- 
fuckers in the media know what you're 


g. They'll kill you for it. 


going to argue with 
you about anything. 
I've argued and Гуе never won, so I'm 
just going to read this 10 times, and you 
guys do with it what you will." I did that. 
Did 1 deliberately do it badly? No. I de- 
livered it to the best of my ability giv- 
en that I had no input. I never thought 
they'd use it. But I didn't try and sand- 
bag it. It was simply bad narration. 
PLAYBOY: Scott expressed regrets about 
the film to PLAYBOY, mainly that he didn't 
stand up for it more. He said he was a 
young English chap who felt compelled 
to please, when he should have told 
them all to fuck off. 

FORD: Well, me included, probably. Rid- 
ley and I have made our peace. I had a 
great time making the movie—most of 
the time. He had one idea that he didn't 137 


PLAYBOY 


reveal to me, which he thought was fair 
game and I didn't. All of our contentions 
are about whether my character was a 
replicant or not. And I was convinced, 
and still am, that for the audience to 
participate, they have to feel that there 
was one person on-sereen who was their 
emotional representative, and that per- 
son had to be a real person. Ridley 
turned that on its ass at the last minute, 
saying maybe he is a replicant. I said, 
“How dare you?" We still kick it around, 
but I am eager to work with him again 

PLAYBOY: Traffic was a movie you helped 
develop but didn't star in. Any regrets 
you didn't play the drug czar who was 
ultimately portrayed by Michael Douglas? 
FORD: The main reason I didn't do it was 
this is a guy who learns in the first couple 
of scenes that his 16-year-old daughter is 
a crack whore. And what are you going 
to wear on your face? You'd have to wear 
the same face that 1 had just worn in 
Random Hearts, where my wife dies at the 
beginning. It is grief that paints your 
face into a corner, and 1 had just done 
that. I couldn't wear that face again right 
away, and I didn't want to put the audi- 
ence through this same experience with 
me. It was all about the audience and 
what was commercially viable for me to 
do at that time. But I told Steven Soder- 
bergh, "Listen, if I were going to do it, 


these are the notes I would have.” 
PLAYBOY: They must have been good, be- 
cause Michael Douglas said he passed on 
the role but reread it after you made 
your suggestions and then agreed to do 
the movie. What did you suggest? 

FORD: I think my notes spoke to making 
the character accessible, to clarifying 
what his objective was, making you aware 
of where this guy was coming from be- 
fore being forced into a dilemma. There 
were clarity issues. I don't even remem- 
ber all of them. 

PLAYBOY: For ycars, you've relied on one 
person—your manager—to make deals. 
But recently, you signed with an agen- 
cy. Why? 

FORD: I now realize that the best stulf is 
never getting out of the agencies, which 
is why I got an agency after years of nev- 
er having one. These guys represent the 
wri . I want access to this material be- 
fore it goes into the studios. See, I'm not 
the youngest or prettiest guy anymore. 
So to ensure myself a stream of material 
of interest to me, I've decided to involve 
myself more in the movie process. 
PLAYBOY: When you were younger, you 
utation for being angry. Russell 
Crowe didn't help his Oscar chances on 
A Beautiful Mind when he threatened an 
awards show producer in England. Mel 
Gibson also had a rep for being angry 


when he was young. Where does this an- 
ger come from? 

FORD: You have to stand up for what you 
believe. If you have to do it through 
whatever confirmation of personality rc- 
sources you have, anger is one of them. 
Edge and steel are effective. 1 have less 
reason to be angry or pissed off now 


With me, you're talking about 
situations where 1 was under contract to 
Columbia Pictures. They sent me to the 
barber with a photo of Elvis Presley so 
I'd come back looking like him. They 
wanted me to change my name and look 
like Elvis and do dog shit. I was angry. 
PLAYBOY: Because it was so demeaning? 
FORD: Yes, it was demeaning, but beyond 
that, it was just wrong. It was not a way 
to be successful. 

PLAYBOY: In retrospect, are you happy 
that success didn't come quickly for you? 
FORD: Absolutely. I was much better able 
to handle it. When I started, I didn't 
know how to act. I was getting $150 a 
week and worth every penny of it, and I 
didn't know a sweet fuck-all about acting. 
or making movies or about life. Over the 
years, I have learned something. And it 
ain't over yet. I'm still learning. 


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JACKPOT! (continued from page 110) 


“One of the first things that T picked was an alligator 
coat, $33,000—cost more than my home.” 


cars. Edwards enjoyed it immensely un- 
til a brush with the law took some of the 
pleasure out of his stay. He moved back 
to Kentucky where he had some success 
selling insurance. Then, at the age of 25, 
he robbed a gas station. He served sev- 
en years for that one, plus another six 
months here and there for parole viola- 
tions and firearms possession. When he 
finally turned his life around and got a 
job installing telecommunications equip- 
ment, he quickly worked his way up to 
project supervisor and employee of the 
year—then he got laid off. 

David Edwards’ whole life had been 
bad moves and bad mojo. And now the 
unemployment checks were running out. 

“God,” he had prayed in bed the night 
before he bought the lottery ticket, “me 
and you been through a lot of things and 
you know I mean well. If you've got an 
answer I wish you'd tell me, or else let 
me hit this lottery!” The Powerball was 
up to $295 million. The chance of win- 
ning was 80 million to one. 

dwards' fiancée, Shawna Maddux, 
ng tables at a country club, but 
her salary wouldn't support the two of 
them, not even in a tiny place like West- 
wood. Westwood is a hamlet just next 
door to Ashland (population 27,000), a 
blue-collar city where the brushy hills 
and coal mines of eastern Kentucky meet 
the Ohio River. Just that day Edwards 
had asked a friend for a $150 loan so 
they could get the water turned back on 
and quit slopping buckets from the 
neighbor's tap to wash dishes and flush 
the toilet. He and Maddux could afford 
a couple of drinks, though. It was Satur- 
day night, and there was live music in 
the lounge of the Ashland Plaza Hotel 
(where, it turns out, his second ex-wife 
was having her wedding reception). The 
couple got dressed and went to the hotel 
around midnight. On the way into town, 
they stopped at the Pump "n Shop so Ed- 
wards could pick up a printout of the 
numbers; he had missed the drawing on 
the 11 p.M. news. 

In the hotel parking lot, he smoked a 
cigarette and compared the prize num- 
bers with those on his lottery ticket, and 
it was in the front seat of a 1992 Buick 
Roadmaster that David Edwards—ex- 
con, broke as a joke—became a rich man. 


He jumped out of the car and ran up 
and down the street hollering, "Praise 
God, thank you, God!" Maddux, a cool- 
headed one, said, “Honey, get back in 
the car." They checked the numbers a 
few hundred more times and then drove 


to see friends and start spreading the 
good news. 

"We won the lottery!" they said to 
Maddux' mother, Ethel, over the phone 
at two in the morning. 

“Uh-huh,” Ethel said. 

e won!" they said. 
“That's real good. Night-night.” 

They didn't want to go home so they 
checked into the Days Inn and tried to 
get some sleep, but their eyes kept spring- 
ing open and finding each other smiling. 
At five in the morning they couldn't fight 
it anymore and got out of bed and start- 
ed drinking coffee, fueling up for the 
first day of their new life. 

All day Sunday Edwards kept the win- 
ning ticket in his pants pocket. That 
night, a banker in town let him put it 


in a vault. On Monday, he hired one of 


his ex-brothers-in-law, a 66" weight- 
lifter, to be his bodyguard. The body- 
guard, along with a pair of armed state 
troopers, drove Edwards 200 miles to 
the state lottery commission in Louis- 
ville, where Edwards learned he would 
share the $295 million with five other 
ticket holders: a brother and sister from 
the East, a medical records clerk in Min- 
nesota and an elderly Maine couple who. 


had hidden their winning ticket in a box 
of Corn Chex. 

Edwards' share came to $73.7 million. 
He opted for a lump sum instead of pay- 
ments over 95 years, knocking the loot 
down to $41.5 million. Even after taxes 
took 32 percent of that, he still walked 
away with $28,393,819 and change for a 
Pepsi. In a single check he would receive 
1000 times the amount his average 
neighbor earned ina year in the Ashland 
area. Not bad for the son of a steelwork- 
er and a seamstress who worked hard all 
their lives. "It's a poor man's dream!" 
Edwards told reporters. 

He wore a suit for the cameras that 
day and tried to impress the journalists. 
Edwards is 6, slender and tanned, with a 
dark beard, a long ponytail, high cheek- 
bones, blue eyes and a faint scar over the 
bridge of his nose, a combination that 
gives him a slightly menacing look. He 
looks smooth and talks smoother. He is 
comfortable onstage. He has a touch of 
the evangelical in him, a bit of the coun- 
try huckster who knows when to inflect 
for effect, when to bring it down to a 
whisper or to narrow his eyes to hammer 
a point. He possesses a kind of streetwise 
instinct for opportunity, always ready to 
deal but unable to make anything stick. 

David Edwards knew how he w; 
ed to live, though. He had always di 
en Cadillacs and Lincolns, even when 
he couldn't afford them. To the manner 
born. as they say. 

Slick might have served him well in 
sales, but what Edwards began selling. 


"No, Mother . . . no marriage proposals yet . . . Im currently 
between boyfriends.” 


138 


PLAYBOY 


that day in front of the cameras was him- 
sell, as someone with more to offer the 
world than a rags-to-riches story. Almost 
immediately, however, some people in 
his hometown began grousing that he 
didn't deserve the windfall, that fate had 
chosen the wrong guy. One of the state's 
largest newspapers felt obliged to re- 
mind the citizenry that the lottery is not 
a character test. No one should assume 
“sudden wealth comes only to the wor- 
thy,” read an editorial in the Lexington 
Herald-Leader, two days alter Edwards 
cashed in his ticket. “Winners may have 
some degree of luck. But just how much 
luck depends on how the person handles 
a suddenly more complicated life.” 
Here is how Edwards handled it: His 
first move as a multimillionaire was to 
hire someone to manage the loot. He 
wasn't hurting for volunteers. Planners 
called from hither and yon to ofler their 
services, but in a traditional move, Ed- 
wards went with a young Morgan Stan- 
ley broker named Jim Gibbs because he 
was local and Edwards knew of his fami- 
ly. Then he put himself on a budget: X 
amount for rich-man trappings (house, 


cars, clothes, jewelry), X amount for gifts 
and the bulk for new businesses. 

‘Then he went to Vegas. 

Edwards and Maddux went straight 
from Louisville. They didn't even go 
back to the little yellow house behind the 
funeral home. "They had a friend pack 
their things, clean the place; they never 
lived there another night. For their new 
start they went to the city of new starts, 
where lives change every day at the altar 
of money or matrimony. 

Technically, Edwards still had anoth- 
er week to wait before his millions would 
be wired into his account back home. In 
the meantime, Gibbs had to call the peo- 
ple at the Rio hotel and assure them his 
new client was good for the bill, that if 
they were smart they would treat him 
like a big shot and put him up in a fancy 
Palazzo Suite, which they did. Edwards 
instantly had butlers, chefs, limousine 
drivers, a private swimming pool and a 
seat not $10 blackjack table but in 
the plush quiet of the high-stakes par- 
lors. Mostly, though, he was eager to 
shop. "He's got a little woman in him 
when it comes to that,” says one of his 


jr al ] 
К 

2 M 
wen 8 


friends. "He'll take you to the mall and 
wear you out." 

One day he put on a $200 off-the-rack 
suit and walked into Beri Һе exclu- 
sive Italian men's shop, and just started 
pointing. "One of the first things that I 
picked was an alligator coat, $33,000— 
cost more than my home. I thought, I'm 
wearing my home! I didn't ask the prices 
of anything," he says. "I walked in there 
and blitzed them. The suits were $6000 a 
whack. I was saying, ‘Gimme that onc, 
that one, that one, that one." These were 
custom-made Brionis and Versaces. His 
new watch was a $80,000 Breitling, and 
Maddux’ was a $35,000 Rolex. Life was 
getting to be right pleasant. 

There was only one hitch. Gibbs had 
secured Edwards plenty of credit, but 
Edwards couldn't pick up most of his 
new clothes and jewelry until early the 
following week, when his millions ofli- 
cially wired through. “I call Jimmy Gibbs 
and he says, ‘Look, we want to take you 
to Morgan Stanley in New York at the 
World Trade Center to talk about what 
we're going to do with this money—you 
need to be there Monday or Tuesday," 
Edwards says. "I said, ‘I'm not going 
to New York Gity until me and Shawna 
are dressed correctly and our new life 
has started, so let's put this off a week." 
That was at the end of the first week of 
September 

When the planes hit the World Trade 
Center, Edwards took it as a sign. “I told 
Shawna, "Iomorrow is not promised to 
us. We've got to give money away.” 

When they got back to Kentucky, they 
checked into a suite at the Ashland Plaza 
Hotel, and the handouts began in ear- 
nest: $50,000 to the Boys Club, a new 
playground for an elementary school, 
$45,000 for the volunteer fire depart- 
ment to fix trucks and buy new equip- 
ment. "There was a lady who had cancer 
and she'd given her burial plot away to 
her son and was spending the last days 
of her life trying to ligure out how to pay 
her own death bill," Edwards says. “1 
went out and bought her a $7400 funer- 
al. She picked out a white and pink cas- 
ket and a big spray of flowers, the whole 
g and I drove her down to Nation- 
al City Bank where 1 gave her $10,000, 
told her to spend every dime.” 

Maddux' mother, Ethel, suffers from 
lupus. She had been living in a housing 
project and fantasizing about moving to 
a double-wide trailer. Edwards bought 
her a roomy split-level house in a nice 
neighborhood and a brand-new Pontiac 
Grand Prix. He has purchased vehicles 
for seven people and paid off struggling 
friends’ bills and mortgages. He knew 
a guy who had been robbed and was 
whacked so hard in the head with a two- 
by-four that his eye popped out and he 
had to get a glass one; Edwards gave him 
$5000. He's been giving another fellow, 
who is waiting for a liver transplant, 
$2000 a month. In Miami, he had his 


limousine driver stop so he could hand 
$3000 to a beggar on the street. He even 
gave money to the drunk driver respon- 
sible for screwing up his back. 

David is extremely generous," says 
Gibbs, who has stopped trying to keep 
ack of how much Edwards gives away. 
Га stranger gives him a good enough 
line, he'll help the guy out.” 

When people started reading about 
his donations in the local papers, they set 
upon him with letters and phone calls. 
Strangers showed up, asking him to pay 
off their credit card bills, hospital charg- 
es, mortgages and car loans. "You know 
what amazes me?" says Edwards. “Peo- 
ple don't ask for $100 or $1000, they ask 
for $50,000, $100,000. They look at me 
like I'm trash if I give them anything less 
than $50. There's some brass people, 
boy.” He has lost a few friends for not 
giving them what they want, for being 
determined to give only to those who are 
“right up against it,” a position he re- 
members well. When it got to the point 
that he couldn't walk out the door with- 
out bumping into an outstretched hand, 
he knew he had to move from Ashland. 

‘A month after the lottery win, Ed- 
wards and Maddux bought a $1 l- 
lion home on the 16th hole of Ballenisles 
Country Club outside West Palm Beach, 
Florida, where they hoped to blend in 
with all the other millionaires. Soon a 
black Bentley appeared in the driveway, 
then a 360 Ferrari Spider for Maddux, 
then a Lamborghini Diablo, yellow as an 
egg yolk, a Dodge Viper, a rare Shelby, 
a Cadillac Escalade, a Chevy excursion 
van and a Hummer golf cart with faux- 
zebra seats. That belongs to Edwards’ 
daughter, who does not play golf. 

In the marble foyer Edwards has two 
suits of shining armor. On display in the 
dining room is a collection of medieval 
daggers and jewel-handled swords. For 
his bedroom he bought a 61-inch plas- 
ma flat-screen television ($45,000). For 
help around the house he hired a full- 
time butler. For travel he bought a share 
ina private Learjet. It's easier that way— 
no annoying security checks or crowds. 
Edwards routinely sends the jet to fetch 
Ethel or bring friends to the beach or 
send his daughter home to visit her 
mother, at roughly $7000 a pop. 

He and Maddux flew to Hawaii for 
New Year's and were married on the 
beach in Maui. They had been together 
seven years before the lottery win. When 
he bought his-and-hers Kentucky Thi 
oughbreds to run i Я 
named his Powerball Pick and his new 
wife named hers Mr. Right. 


Once Edwards had the clothes and the 
home, had lavished friends as well as 
strangers with hundreds of thousands of 
dollars in gifts, he began to work. He 
bought a telecommunications firm and a 
limousine company, and invested $6 mil- 


lion in a Kentucky housing development. 
The other day he walked into a Cracker 
Barrcl, his favorite restaurant, and tricd 
to buy it, but learned it wasn't for sale. 
His favorite venture involves two soon- 
to-be-unveiled burn medications, Alo- 
cane and Biocane, that he believes will 
make him richer still. "The businesses that 
he's gotten involved in seem to be sound,” 
says Gibbs. "I don't know how he learns 
about them, but he does. It's ironic—I 
think David would have been a lot more 
successful if he hadn't had those prob- 
lems in childhood, but if he hadn't had 
that anchor pulling him down he prob- 
ably never would have won the lottery, be- 
cause he would've been so successful he 
wouldn't have bought a ticket. 

"The only problem has been trying to 
get him to slow down. His mind moves 
so fast, trying to figure out ways to make 
money with this money. In five years 
there's a possibility that he might be 
worth $50 million." Edwards is clearly 
thinking big. He named his conglomer- 
ate World Solutions Inc. 

"The transition from poor man to rich 
has been smooth, as though Edwards 
stepped through a portal from one re- 
ality to another. He marvels at his luck 
every day. 

During a recent visit with Edwards, 1 
asked about all the excess—why, for in- 
stance, all those luxury automobiles? Ed- 
wards grinned and answered, "Why not? 
Pm rich. Pm damn rich!” It was a Sun- 
day evening in March and Edwards had 
been laid up all day with his bad back 
He shuffled out of the bedroom in slip- 
pers and silk pajamas, cigarette burns on 
his sky-blue bathrobe, to find a quiet 
spot on the sofa overlooking the swim- 
ming pool and palm trees. He looked 
around for his pack of Camels and, not 
finding it, hollered for Fred, the butler, 
who slipped in and out with a smoke and 
a light. Edwards dragged and exhaled, 
gave a litle wave of the hand and said, 

“Everything I touch is making money.” 

He finds himself in the unusual po: 
tion of perhaps being able to answer a 
timeless question: Can money buy hap- 
piness? Ask around eastern Kentucky 
and the people on the receivi 
his generosity will say money can at least 
buy breathing room, a new start. This, 
above all, is what money has brought Da- 
Though 
fe recently decided to quit 
smoking and drinking and to follow 
strict diets, after all those years of hard 
living, health problems remind Edwards 
of what money cannotcure. And now that 
he can afford a trip around the world, he 
can't take it, because even multimillion- 
aire ex-felons have trouble getting pass- 
ports. Somehow, though, even the sticki- 
est problems seem surmountable these 
days. As Edwards said, with a grin, "I've 
got a team of lawyers working on 


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cept bike you can ride (for $9995). 
The 984cc V-twin puts out 92 horse- 
power, but for its weight it has 
more torque than a Vette. Buell 
calls the bike a sportfigbter a bal- 
ance between the racetrack and 
the real world. 

Ducati has won nine World Su- 
perbike titles in the past decade. 
The 998 is a thoroughbred, the kind 
of machine that makes us wonder 
what the world would be like if mo- 
forcycles could be put out to stud. 
The new narrow-head 998 V-twin 
Testastretta engine produces 123 
horsepower at 9500 rpm, more 
than enough to hit 162 mph. The 
price: $17,695. 

The Triumph Daytona 955i, Cen- 
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Price: $10,999, 

When it debuted in 2000, the 
Kawasaki ZX-12R created some- 


thing of an international incident: 
The German government passed a 


law prohibiting motorcycles capa- 
ble of exceeding 186 mph. 

that ceiling in mind, Kawasaki re- 
fined the ZX-12R, tweaking power, 
handling, braking aad looks. It puts 
163 horsepower in a 463-pound 
package. Drag racer Rickey Gadson 
says riding the ZX-12R is like being 
drop-kicked by God. А religious ex- 
perience is yours for $10,999. 

We debated which Suzuki to put 
in this coll : The GSX R1000 is 
arguably the company's go-fast 
flagship (145 hp, estimated top 
speed of 175 mph). But hore, in 15 
words or less, is how we made our 
choice: In 1999, a stock GSX 1300R 
Hayabusa bit 194 mph. Tbe current 
speed-limited model does a quar- 
ter less than 10 seconds. It 
costs $10,849. Do you really need 
to know anything more? 

Honda hos taken the gloves off: 
The press kit for the CBRISARR an- 
nounces tha! the new in-line 16- 
valve four-cylinder engine produces 
154 hp at 11,250 rpm. For years, 
manufacturers coyly (i.e., on the 
advice of lawyers) refrained from 
trumpeting raw power, or, for that 
matter, top speed. The bike weighs 
370 pounds dry, giving it the best 
power-to-weight ratio in the dass. 
Price: $10,599. 


WHERE AND HOW TO BUY ON PAGE 149. 


FISTFUL OF FAST 


(continued from page 107) 
basic need and/or the perfect use for 
discretionary income. It still generates 
headlines, if not moral concern. Last 
summer a Chicago citizen on a Honda 
was clocked doing 165 down Lake Shore 
Drive. The cop who wrote the ticket was 
impressed and thought the violation 
might be some sort of record. (Well, if 
you count only those who were caught, 
maybe.) The rider had to put the bike up 
for sale on eBay, then tried to cash in by 
asking for a job as a factory rider, The 
manufacturer declined. 

It's not whether you succumb to temp- 
tation—it's how. Most of these bikes are 
built around one-liter engines, the so- 
called open-class road warriors, a blend 
of power and handling barely contained 
by a racetrack. Imagine riding a light 
howitzer: The speed is that sudden 

After a day on the ZX-19R, I stared at 
my wrist, trying to judge the increment 
that had sent me from 60 to over 100 in 
the space of a few heartbeats. 

These bikes are not for idiots. People 
who buy these machines tend to be stu- 
dents of speed, guys who sign up for 
sessions with Keith Code's California 
Superbike School or Freddie Spencer's 
High Performance Riding School in Las 
Vegas. They dress in full leathers and 
wear Kevlar because they are speeding 
bullets. They are knowledgeable about 
tires, cornering techniques, traction, pow- 
er management, suspension preloads— 
the life-support systems of rapidity. 
When faced with an open road, they pull 
the trigger. 

These motorcycles inspire respect, if 
not reverence. Articles on open-class 
motorcycles often invoke the Japanese 
phrase jin ba itai (which, we are told, 
translates as "making man and machine 
as one”). This is a field where state of the 
art involves more than a color change, 
miniaturization or a clever new logo 
"These machines generate language: Test 
rides include words like nimble, sensu- 
al, sleek, edgy, balls-out, hard-charging, 
flickable, hair-trigger, canyon-strafing 
big scare and simply “Wow.” 

After spending most of one day on the 
irrational side of the speedometer, I 
asked a group of motor journalists an in. 
triguing question: What percentage of 
Americans did they think had ever driv 
ena motor vehicle in excess of 100 mph? 
The guesses started high—on the as- 
sumption that half the population was 
male and 17 at least once in their lives 
but slowly dropped. It used to be that 
doing the ton meant something—espe- 
cially if you were trying to coax your Ha 
ley or BSA into triple digits. Now the bar 
has been raised: How many Americans 
do you suppose have gone faster than 
150 mph? You know who you are. 


“We know we're not legally old enough to drink but we are old enough to 
gel laid and that's why we came here.” 


PLAYBOY 


PICKUP ARTIST 


(continued from page 104) 


"I have a stupid question,” I say to one workoul god- 
dess in sweats and a headband. 


But by then she's already in linc at the 
: Hit only on the cart push- 
asket carriers don't stay long.) 

Then I see my next victim, reading 
the labels on spaghetti sauce jars. She se- 
lects one and puts it in her cart. 

Even as an old man, Paul Newman is 
still the guy chicks want. 

"Is that a good sauce?” I ask. She's 
blonde and resembles Monique McMa- 
hon, the fashion-model-in-waiting who 
in third grade wouldn't let me sign her 
leg cast because "the cool people had to 
go first." She jumps a foot in the air. She 
hadn't seen me at all. 

“I've never tried that sauce,” I say, at- 
tempting to slow her adrenal output. 
"Yeah," she says, looking like onc of Rob- 
ert De Niro's in Goodfellas. 

She walks out of the pasta department 
and into the display case in my rejection 
hall of fame. Get a mop, please. There's 
a broken heart in aisle six. 

All right, so commenting on the food 
doesn't work, but free samples are an- 
other story. From the end of the soda 
aisle L stake out who's headed for the dis- 
play of cubed Swiss and cheddar. | plot a 
course to intercept а 58” target with long 
black hair and perky breasts. 

"Which do you like better?" I ask, as 
we pluck one of cach cheese variety. 

She pauses, giving me that "Why are 
you talking to me?" stare. 

The stare frightens me off a little, but 
I'm not a sleazoid asking her sign. Гт a 
connoisseur of fromage talking shop. My 
eyes hold their grow 

“1 like the cheddar,” she says, in some- 
thing resembling a Persian accent. For- 
eign accents are great. They could in- 
dicate unfamiliarity with our customs, 
such as "Don't sleep with a guy you just 
met by the free cheese.” 

“I like the cheddar, too," 1 say as I 
watch her saunter off down the aisle. 


I stroll up the next aisle, and our carts 
nearly collide when I turn the corner 

“You're following me!” I say, robbing 
her of the chance to say it first. 

She smiles. 

“Hmm, we already did cheese, now we 
need wine,” I say. 

I was proud of myself for that one. 
“Come on, help me choose one,” I insist. 
"I don't know anything about wine and I 
need to buy some for my place.” 

We exchange names during our cruise 
to the booze. Robyn shares some basic 
information about reds and whites. I 
pretend not to know anything, including 
how much of her information іх wrong. 

“What will you be drinking the wine 
she asks as we reach the liquor 


I hope.” 1 gaze downward, then up again. 
“Hey, you're a really cute girl,” I say, 
blushing like a cheap zinfandel. 
“You are bad!” she says, rolling her 
eyes. 

"I'm serious," 1 say. "Pick out your fa- 
vorite wine and I'll share it with you 
tonight." 

She's busy, she informs me. 

“How about next Thursday?" I ask. 


I wasn't going to let our first date go 
unspecified. 

“That's sweet, but I don't think so," 
she says. 


1 don't know what possesses me, but 
1 grab her cart as she pushes it away. 
"At least give me your number, Robyn," 
1 say. 


groceries I don't need, I receive a bonus 
at bat. A blonde from Uruguay doesn't 
have her club card. 1 offer mine. Just as 
the total rings up "a savings of over $3," 


I say, “Now you have to give me your 
number.” 

“Are you saying that my number is on- 
ly worth $32” she asks. “Why don't you 
give me your number instead?” 

1 oblige and then ask her for the three 
bucks back. 

mits: Nine. 

NUMBERS RECEIVED: Three. 

GIRLS DATED: Two. 

HOME RUNS: One. Even though I only 
got a business card from Robyn, I called 
her and made her laugh, for several 
weeks, until she caved in. We still see 
each other (or we did until this article 
came out). 

ERRORS: One. I should have pushed 
harder for the blonde's number, not giv- 
en her mine. Never in the history of num- 
ber giving has a girl pushed digits re- 


ceived in this manner. 


BOOKSTORE 


Never mind the generic feel of chain 
bookstores. They have places where you 
can drink coffee and talk, which greatly 
aids our cause, and magazines to browse. 
The only thing you have to prove is that 
you're not a nerd. 

Intense readers are hard to crack. 
They're into their book learning, and 
that's that. You need to get them to look 
up at least once so they won't be startled 
when you interrupt. 

I clear my throat several times, loudly, 
while standing two feet in front of the 
chair occupied by a fair-skinned girl with 
auburn hair and the most striking green 
eyes ever frozen to a hardcover. 

No, she doesn't notice me. But every- 
body else in the bookstore notices the 
throat clearing emanating from the Gay 
and Lesbian section. 

One embarrassing stroll to the maga- 
zine rack later, I find a dead ringer for 
Lucy Liu reading something called Aper- 
ture. The word means opening, and 1 
think of one. 

“You must know about cameras,” I s; 
“What's a good starter digital camera?" 
This way, she doesn't feel like prey. 

“1 don't really know much," she re- 
sponds, hurriedly putting the magazine 
back. "I'm interested, but I don't know 


that much.” 

Geez! I'm making her nervous. Why 
haven't I bitten my lip and talked to 
strange women every day of my life? 

"I'm interested in photography, too," 
I say. "Are you busy now? Let's get coffee 
upstairs and talk about it. 

The echo of my ballsiness hangs thick 
in the air, but I have nothing to lose. 
Cheryl agrees to coffee. The rest of my 
groundwork takes a week and two dates. 

HITS: Three. 

NUMBERS RECEIVED: One. 

GIRLS DATED: One 

HOME RUNS: One. Cheryl had just bro- 
ken up with a long-term boyfriend, hat- 
ed bars and admitted that she was hav- 
ing trouble meeting people. She told me 
she had always expected to meet some- 
one at a bookstore, but it had never hap- 
pened. Until me. 

ERRORS: None. 


LAUNDROMAT 


1 have machines in my apartment 
building, so there's no need for me to 
take my dirty wash elsewhere. But I've 
never met anyone in my laundry room 
except for the fat asshole who takes my 
shit out of the drier before it's done. So 1 
pack a big laundry bag, lug it down the 
street and get set for an afternoon of 
washing, drying and lying. 

It is impossible to hit here with super- 
market-like abandon. People pretend it's 
too loud, but the truth is, it's a small 
room where everyone eavesdrops on ev- 
ery word said. You have to choose your 
targets carefully or sacrifice all of them. 

“I have a stupid question,” 1 ask one 
workout goddess in sweats and a head- 
band. "If you put more money in the 
washer, does it go longer?” 

“The driers, yes,” my new friend says, 
rolling her eyes. “The washers, no.” 

She then finishes unloading her drier 
and leaves. (Note: Drier unloading is 
equivalent to basket carrying in predict- 
ing imminent departures.) An amazing 
brunette. about 20, sits by the detergent 
dispenser. She's another intense reader. 
I get closer and see she's buried in a 
script. Hey, we are in Los Angeles. 

"Is that a student film?" I ask. (1f she 
had been older, I would have earned im- 
mediate points for thinking she was 
school.) 

“It's a play,” she responds, barely look- 
ng up though obviously annoyed. "I'm 
auditioning.” 

orry, Î get nosy when I'm bored,” 1 
say. I figure that the only way to get sex 
out of a stranger is to convince her it's 
not what I want. 

‘Two minutes pass. 

“So tell me about this play,” I say. She 
finally puts her script aside. Is my luck 
changing? 

“It’s about a woman who's a professor 


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meditate all the time." (OK, it was a lie. 
1 was there once and couldn't sit still.) 
"What are you doing this weckend? 
ask. “Let's go together.” Karen gives me 
her number and we do. 

Hirs: Three. 

NUMBERS RECEIVED: One. 

GIRLS DATED: One. 

HOME RUNS: None. I didn’t get fluffed, 
but it wasn't because I folded. Karen and 
1 had our date, after which she told me it 
would be nice to hang out “as friends.” 
(If I ever lose my sex drive, ГИ take her 
up on that) 

ERRORS: Two. That drier-emptying 
thing and not screening my wash for cok 
ored briefs from my less refined years. 


CAR WASH. 


Find a hand wash. They take longer, 
and if a chick cares enough to give her 
car the best kind of cleaning, you know 
she's also getting waxed. 

“Nice day, huh?" I say to a blonde in a 
white dress. Her fingernails are long red 
talons. She blows cigarette smoke before 
answering. "Nicest," she says, without so 
much as looking in my direction. 

"So what do you do?" I ask. “Are you а 
model?" 

She blows smoke again. No answer. 
You know what I'm discovering? Be- 
ing rejected by beautiful bitches really 
doesn't damage my self-esteem the way 1 
thought it would. 

This time, I don't even wait for the 
car-wash talent to rinse and repeat. 
When a new girl saunters outside to wait 
for her car, I start in while the blonde is 
sull there. This shows her she meant as 
little to me as I ıneant to her. 


“You know what, Kimmie?” I say after 
1 exchange names with my new friend. 
“I'm sick of asking people what they do. 
I'm not going to ask you that. I'm going 
to ask what your favorite food is,” I say. 
“That probably says more about who 
you are.” 

Kimmie likes oysters. 1 am not making 
this up. 

Out of the corner of my eye 1 watch as 
the blonde picks up her convertible 
BMW (figures). 

“Kimmie, I'm taking you out for oys- 
ters,” I say. “Give me your number.” 

urrs: Eight. 

NUMBERS RECEIVED: Three (one fake). 

GIRLs DATED: One. 

HOME RUNS: One. Hey, Kimmie likes 
oysters. But I don't think this has any 
long-term potential. She doesn't know 
any big words. We're talking blank stares 
at “clarification.” And to tell you the 
truth, I don’t like oysters. 

errors: One. When I pulled into the 
car wash, I made the mistake of actually 
having my car washed. So the man with 
the greasy towel flagged me over in the 
middle of my first rap. Later, I parked 
elsewhere and just pretended to wait. 


DEPARTMENT OF MOTOR VEHICLES 


Here you have all the time in the 
world to flirt with the beautiful woman 
front or in back of you in line. If there 
isn't one, just leave—like you forgot 
something—and wait in the parking lot 
for someone interesting. 

A smoking number with five-foot legs 
and horn-rimmed glasses gets in the li- 
line. 

Do you know if this is the 


“Hey, Ralph. How'd you like to see these on the big screen?" 


line to renew licenses?" 
Perhaps thi not the best opener. 
There's a giant sign indicating just that; 


n test 
ute, I speak again. Vision is 


on my mind. 
“You know, some women don't look 


" she says, introducing her- 
self as Kristen. 

Then I threw a curveball. I offered to 
guess her prescription. If the eyes ap- 
pear smaller than normal, the person is 
nearsighted, bigger and they re farsight- 
ed—the degree of distortion indicat- 
ing prescription. This is something they 
teach us in dork school, 1 guess. But you 
can substitute whatever stupid shit you 
know to spice up the conversation; she's 
not going anywhere. 

"Are you an optician?" she asks. My 
God, she has just set me up for the line 
of a lifetime. 

“No, I just like beautiful eyes.” 

HITS: Two. 

NUMBERS RECEIVED: One. 

GIRLS DATED: One. 

HOME RUNS: One. Busy woman, Kris- 
ten. Works god-awful hours at a law firm 
and her social life was hurting. She was 
happy to meet me. 

ERRORS: None. 


RESTAURANT DURING LUNCH 


1 met a friend there, planning for just. 
this scenario. As we got up from our ta- 
ble, I looked around for the two prettiest 
girls eating together. This was my bold- 
est move so far, but I was prepared with 
my best approach: honest 

“1 couldn't help noticing how adorable 
you two are,” I say as 1 plop down next 
to the lovely ladies, who resemble the 
Bangles in their heyday. (By now I had 
learned that adorable is more of a com- 
hot.) 
numbers game. So nine 
out of 10 times, you're going to blow me 
off," J say. "But if this is the one time you 
don't, we're going to have an amazing. 
time hanging out." 

Sheila and Valerie laugh out loud and 
chat for 20 minutes about why guys 
can't be funnier and more honest when 
they hit on girls. 

When Valerie goes to the bathroom, I 
order an iced tea and Sheila grabs my 
hand."Corey, it's been fun talking with 
you, but I have to tell you something," 
she says. "We're on a date.” 

Yes, Sheila and Valerie. I had stum- 
bled into the movie Kissing Jessica Stem. 
"This is our first meeting," Sheila says, 
"and it would be cool if you'd let us have 
some time to get to know each other." 
"Wow!" I say when Valerie returns. "I 
understand." 

"Understand what?" Valerie asks. 

“It's all good," I tell her with a smile. 

Valerie goes to look at the jukebox. (I 


wonder which Indigo Girls tune she will 
select.) Then she waves me over, pre- 
tending to need help. She demands to 
know what Sheila told me. 

“She said that?" Valerie asks. “No way! 
Wait, here's my number. I want you to 
call me." 

H Two. 

NUMBERS RECEIVED: One. 

GIRLS DATED: None. So far I haven't got- 
ten Valerie to commit to a date. But I 
can't think of a cooler reason to be re- 
jected than lesbianism. 

HOME RUNS: None. 

ERRORS: None. Pure confidence is good 
but requires a twist of humor. Another 
smart thing I did was to not choose one 
girl over the other. 


LINGERIE STORE 


The quickest way into a girl's panties is 
to have her show them to you on the rack. 

Tm walking around the mall when I 
see a hot Latina organizing bustiers in a 
lingerie store. 1 dig nails into palm and 
walk in, informing her that I'm looking 
for a gift for my girlfriend. (I assume it’s 
helpful to pretend another female is will- 
ing to fuck me on a regular basis.) Regi- 
na suggests some lacy bra-and-panty sets 
and asks my girlfriend's size. 

“I have an admission," I s; 
have a girlfriend. I was walking by and 
thought you were adorable, and I just 
wanted to talk to you.” 

Adorable. It's à good word, trust me. 
Regina is floored, then smiles. 

“Aw,” she says. "I'm married, though.” 

Wah-wah goes the imaginary trom- 
bone. For the first time I decide to be 
honest about what I’m doing and get an 
on-the-spot evaluation of my technique. 

“You were really funny,” Regina says. 
"If I weren't married, I would have been 
interested because you have a sense of 
humor. Most guys start a conversation 
with ‘Can I get your number?’ Worse is 
when a guy says, "Му friend wants your 
number.’ I'm like, ‘Dude, go.’ Or ‘Can 
1 buy some lingerie for you? God, I've 
heard that one so many times. But you 
worked your whole act without my real- 
izing it.” 

She starts hanging up what she took 
off the rack to show me. "You're still go- 
ing to buy something, right?" she asks. 

HITS: One. 

NUMBERS RECEIVED: None. 

GIRLS DATED: None. 

HOME RUNS: None. 

ERRORS: One. Why can't 1 remember to 
scan for a wedding ring? I've wasted en- 
tire evenings on girls who loved the at- 
tention because they weren't getting any 
at home. 


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148 


І get into the elevator, pretending to 
be headed one floor above or below 
wherever anyone gets out. 

“I didn't know you lived in this build- 
ing," I tell one blonde. "I haven't seen 

‚ou around." 

“I've lived here three years.” she says 

“I need to leave my apartment more 
often,” I say, smiling. Then I ask her 
name. 

What's useful about this method is 
that it helps build your speed, since you 
have only 30 seconds to wor 

"So what did you buy?" Г ask a red- 
head with shopping bags as full as her 
D cups. Alas, she gets off before answer- 
ing. Two women enter, talking about an 
apartment they were just shown. 

“You girls looking to live here?" I ask. 
"Forget what the manager told you. I'll 
show you the real deal." 

1 take them to my place, meti 
ly cleaned by a maid in prepara 
my week of hard hitting. I answer their 
questions and exchange numbers with 
the cuter one. Then I get back into the 
elevator with them and stay there after 
they exit. 

HITS: 12. 

NUMBERS: One. 

GIRLS DATED: None. But later in the 
weck, the apartment hunter called and 
tried to set me up with her friend. (Oh 
well, at least your fantasy life improves 
after two girls walk around your bed and 
check out your stuff.) 

HOME RUNS: None. 

ERRORS: One. You should ride the ele- 
vator for only five minutes at a time, 
tops. 1 say this because the redhead with 
the shopping bags got on two more 
times. "Are you having fun?" she asked. 


TRAFFIC 


Instead of avoiding road congestion, 
seek it out if you have a couple of hours 
and the weather is nice. Going three 
miles per hour offers a great opportu 
ty to communicate with the mysterious 
firebrand revving her motor next to you 

1 smile at a brunette in a Lexus SUV, 
Just enough so she notices. Then I hold 
up a “one second” finger and pretend 
10 write something with a marker. The 
truth is I've already tailored three signs 
for the occasion. She sits stone-faced at 
YOURE ADORABLE. So I hold up YES, THEY 
ARE BUGLE BOY. 

She cracks up. Then comes the kill. 
GIVE ME YOUR CELL NUMBER. 

1 plan to have a conversation in the 
car. She mouths "boyfriend" and angles 
for the exit lane. 

But this isn’t half as disastrous as when 
my friend Lloyd makes his own sign on 
the back of one of mine. While I hold up 
BUGLE BOY to the Latin girls blasting Tu- 
pac in a red Corvette next to us, he holds 
up Fuck Us. They don't. 


uris: Twelve or 13 over the course of. 


the week. 

NUMBERS: None. This didn't work well, 
but getting girls to smile was an ego 
booster. 

GIRLS DATED: None 

HOME RUNS: None. 

errors: One. In the car 1 kept the 
signs on the center console, by my CDs. 
While on a date with Cheryl from the 
bookstore, she found them. You try ex- 
plaining Fuck us 


SUPER BOWL PARTY 


Unlimited alcohol and unattended 
women often provide an atmosphere 


"Bombs! Drugs! ГЇЇ be glad to get back to sniffing butts.” 


conducive to an easy touchdown, which 
is why the week I chose for this assign- 
ment ended on February 2. 

Normally I don’t hit on beautiful cock- 
tail w es. I hate unreadable girls 
who are paid to smile at you. But I need 
the warm-up because at this Super Bowl 
party, there will be actual Playmates. “I 
want to take you out,” I say to a leggy 
brunette at the bar my friends rented in 
Hollywood. “What do you think of tha 

“I think my boyfriend would mind,” 
she snaps. 

Whenever a girl mentions a boyfriend, 
she turns into Charlie Brown’s teacher. 
It doesn't matter what else she 
could be, “My boyfriend just died and 
left me his penthouse on Central Park. 
Would you like to go there and have sex 
now?" All I would hear is, "My boyfriend 
wah-wah-wah-wah-wah. 

Anyway, women are usually lying 
when they mention boyfriends. What 
kind of relationship can they have if 
they're in a bar by themselves with a Sea 
Breeze in each hand? 

Suddenly five Playmates sashay in, es- 
corted by three dudes who look like 
wrestlers. 1 climb into their reserved 
booth and scoot between the two who 
look untaken. "You know, I appear in 
PLAYBOY, too," I say, putting my hands on 
their legs. 

1 admit, I busted out my big guns. 
Fuck the article, I'm trying to get laid 

1 do all right, keeping the conversa- 
tion geared toward the Playmate Fear 
Factor halftime show 

"What is the st thing you could 
imagine doing?" I ask, frightened out of 


says one. 

Alter about five minutes a silence 
threatens to fall. | ask if they need a 
drink. (They don't.) I get up to go to the 
bar and try to think of another topic. 

Turns out, lm as ill equipped to think 
of topics as 1 am for looking 5'10” Play- 
mates in the eyes. It doesn't matter, 
though. When I go to sit back down, I 
find Pauly Shore in my seat. 

"Hey, that's one of the girls who just 
blew you off,” says my friend Matt, point- 
ing at the screen. (И was.) But some 
good has come out of all this. A girl in 
the crowd has been watching me closely. 

“Playmates, huh? Pretty impre: 
she says before introducing herself. 
She's not a Playmate, but she is playful. 
By the final down we're dry-humping in 
alley down the street from the bar. 

Hits: 10. 

NUMBERS: Two. 

GIRLS DATED: One. 

HOME RUNS: None. It’s available from 
the dry-humper if 1 want it, though. She 
d she liked my confidence and the 
way I talked to everyone so easily. 

ERRORS: One. Never take your eyes off 
hore at a party. He is still the 


I dated one of every 10 beautiful girls 
1 approached. That's a bad batting av- 
erage for baseball, but 1 approached 50 
women (not counting my use of sign lan- 
guage on the road) and juggled five of 
them. Does that sound bad for real life? 
I'm a pretty average specimen of man- 
hood (or so I've been told during many 
breakup speeches). 

Maybe you're wincing about making 
50 a week. So let me tell you about 
my first date with Robyn from the super- 
market. I told her to come to my place 
for some of her f. te wine before we 
went to a movie. 

When she rang up to my apartment, 1 
told her I was running late. | answered 
the door in a bathrobe and never got 
dressed that night. 

Of course, unless you're Hef, dating 
five girls can be as much of a drain on 

is on the other bulge in 
your Levi's "And its Ward fo keep track 
of who's who. All the phone calls that 
start with “Hi, it's me" get annoying. 

1 decided to keep index cards by the 
phone. Each girl had one with her name, 
number, how I met her and a brief 
description. 

Sometimes things got really screwy. 
Kristen from the DMV had a stalker, 
whom she didn't mention until she called 
me from her cell phone en route to my 
apartment. The guy had tailed her for 
20 miles. And get this—he was using a 
friend's car so she wouldn't spot him, 
just to see who she was seeing on a Sat- 
urday night. 

“Don't be afraid of him," Kristen told 
me. "He wor't hurt you. He's just cra 
Alter thanking her for confusing my 
telligence for cowardice, I admonished 
her not to lead him to my door, no mat- 
ter how many flowers I had waiting. 

“Aw, you bought flowers?" she asked. 

"No," I barked. “I saw Jn the Bedroom. 
Call the police now and get back to me 
after he has either killed you or gotten a 
new girlfriend." Ever notice how ugly 
girls never have these problems? 

Fortunately, not only did I survive the. 
week with my vital organs and four of 
my original five girls still talking to me, 
another one e-mailed to add herself to 
my harem. 

“Tve been buried in work, which ex- 
plains why I didn't reply earlier," wrote 
Diana from the car wash. "Sorry about 
that. But if you still would like to get to- 
gether, let me know." 

‘Translation: "I've been doing anoth- 
er guy the whole time, but we broke up 
or I'm pissed at him, so now ГИ settle 
for you." 

And then there were five again. 

Wow. What can I say? I wish I'd writ- 
ten for mavgov in high school. 


ном 


Below is a list of retailers 
and manufacturers you can 
contact for information on 
where to find this month's 
merchandise. To buy the ap- 
parel and equipment shown 
on pages 19-24, 30, 32, 
41-42, 80-83, 106-107, 
114-116 and 159, check 
Ihe listings below to find the 
stores nearest you. 


AFTER HOURS 
Pages 19-24: Absolute Adventures, shark 
divercom. Betty's Vaginal Barbell, babe 
land.com or bettydodson.com. Fila, 
fila.com. Hokey Spokes, hokeyspokes. 
com. Mancow, mancow.com. Natural 
Beauty, 800-522-6657. Norelco Advan- 
tage, norelco.com or nivca.com. Fenis 
Chronicles, uproarcomedycd.com. 
Riedel, riedelcrystal.com. Setúbal, rare 
wineco.com. Spec Enterprises, spectech 
no.com. Amy Weber, amyweber.net. 


MUSIC 

Page 30: Aware Records, awarerecords. 
com. FS Studios, fischerspooner.com. 
Gammon, gammonrecords.com. Gem 
Blandsien, gernblandsten.com. Infec- 
tious, infectiousuk.com. Kitty-Yo, kitty- 
yo.com. Koch, kochint.com. Orthlorng 
Musork, musork.com. Republic, repub 
licrecords.com. Self-Starter, selfstarter 
foundation.com. 


WIRED 

Page 32: Foveon, foveon.com. O'Reilly 
Network System, oreillynet.com. Pogo 
Products, pogoproducts.com. Sierra 
Entertainment, gearboxsoftware. 


MANTRACK 
Pages 41-42: Lamborghini, lamborghi 
ni.com. Nickel, 888-642-8289 or nick 
elformen.com. Numi, 510-567-8903. 
PowerKak, 626-480-9133. Red Rock 
Press, 800-488-8040. Thames and 
Hudson, 800-233-4830 or thamesand 
hudsonusa.com. Trojan, trojancon 
doms.com. 


RUNWAY RUNDOWN 
Pages 80-83: Giorgio Armani, giorgio 
armani.com. Biagiotti, laurabiagiotti. 


To 


BUY 


it. Byblos, byblos. 
neth Cole, 800-ı 
Perry Ellis, perryellis. 
com. Fendi, 212-262- 
7321. Gianfranco Ferre, 
gianfrancoferre.com. 
Hermes, hermes.com. 
Tommy Hilfiger, 800-том: 
MY-CARES. Sean John, sean 
john.com. Krizia, krizia. 
com. Ralph Lauren, polo. 
com. J. Lindeberg, jlinde 
berg.com. Issey Miyake by 
Naoki Takizawa, isseymiyake.com. 
Moschino, 212-639-9600. Rykiel Homme, 
soniarykiel.com. Trussardi, trussardi. 
com. Valentino, 219-772-6969. 


AFISTFUL OF FAST 

Pages 106-107: Buell, buell.com. 
Ducati, ducati.com. Honda, honda. 
com. Kawasaki, kawasaki.com. Suzu- 
ki, suzuki.com. Triumph, triumph.co. 
uk. Yamaha, 866-252-9253 or Chicago 
Cycle.com. 


CATCHING A BUZZ 

Pages 114-116: Magic Recovery, 
swedishbeverages.com. Red Bull, red 
bull.com. Red Rave, redraveenergy. 
com. Red Square, halewood-int.com. 
Rockstar, rockstar69.com. Sobe Adren- 
aline Rush, sobebev.com. 180, an 
heuser-busch.com. Abby's, 775-322- 
9422, 424 E. 4th St., Reno. Dick and 
Jane's, 775-284-3657, 1537 S. Virginia 
St., Reno. Gardurio's of Mexico Mar- 
garita Factory, 505-890-7000, 10031 
Coors Blvd. NW, Albuquerque, NM 
or 702-631-7000, 2400 N. Rancho 
Dr., North Las Vegas. Lola's, 213-736- 
5652, 945 N. Fairfax Ave., West Hol- 
Iywood. Miyagi's, 323-650-3594, 8995 
М. Sunset Blvd., West Hollywood. The 
Sound Factory, 415-243-9645, 525 
Harris St., San Francisco. Vision Night 
Club, 781-231-5111, 168 Broadway, 
Saugus, MA. 


ON THE SCENE 
Page 159: Range Rover, landrover. 
com. Skibo Castle, carnegieclub.co.uk. 


NIELSEN, PHOTOGRAPHER. ARMY FREVTAG, PRODUCER: MARILYN GHABCWERI, HAIN AND MAnEUF. 


149 


PLAYBOY 


150 


COUNTRY „ал 


“He’s about to serve up a Lubyanka breakfast,” Bara- 
nov said. “A cigarette and a bullet.” 


So far as Yuri knew, Sergei Anatoly- 
vich Kozlov was an up-and-coming busi- 
nessman with an unhappy marriage in 
Moscow and a mistress near Podolsk. 
And if he'd checked—something Sam 
knew he hadn't—Sam's cover would 
have been confirmed. "Long time no 
see,” Yuri said. " How's it going?” 

"Any better 1 couldn't stand it,” Sam 
answered effortlessly in Moscow-accent- 
ed Russian. It was a gilt. Some people 
have an aptitude for mathematics or sci- 
ence. Others are innate painters or mu- 
sicians. Sam had an ear for languages. 
He learned them quickly and retained 
them. He spoke Russian at a 4.86 level, 
in addition to 3.8-level French and work- 
able German, Polish and Czech. To get 
a better rating in Russian he'd have had 
to be born in the Soviet Union. Sam fo- 
d on Yuri and smiled mischievously. 
"Anytime I escape to Podolsk for a few 
hours, life is great." 

“I can imagine," Yuri said wistfully. He 
pulled himself into a sitting position and 
brandished the wrench. "Hey, have you 
a number 13 socket? This piece of shit 
won't catch on what's left of my tailpipe 
bracket bolt." 

“PI look." Sam withdrew from his 
pocket a bunch of keys attached to a 


chain clipped to his belt. He selected and 
unlocked a trio of padlocks the size of 
paperback books, and replaced the locks 
on their hasps. He scraped the battered 
door of the shed across the wet ground 
and disappeared inside. 

There was silence for about 40 sec- 
onds. Yuri wasn't aware that Sam had re- 
trieved a small electronic gadget from 
his jacket and quickly checked the car for 
listening devices and locator beacons. 
The ian heard only the sounds of an 
ignition stammering, followed by the 
hiccuping of an engine starting. Alter 
half a dozen puffs of gray-black smoke 
emanated from the shed, Yuri watched 
as a beat-up Zhiguli coupe with local 
plates backed out onto the uneven dirt, 
sputtering and backfiring. 

Sam opened the car door and eased 
his big frame out from behind the wheel, 
his hand still playing with the choke. “I'll 
look for the socket for your Bentley 
while my Ferrari warms up." 

Thirty seconds later he was back from 
the shed. “Nothing,” Sam said. “I must 
have taken them home." He wrestled 
with the shed door, slapped the hasps 
closed and replaced the padlocks. "Sor- 
ry, Yuri Gregorovich." 

“No problem." Yuri said, watching as 


“Fm sorry, Robin —they're going to have to find some other way of 


keeping themselves merry. . . . 


Sam compressed himself into the car. 
Lucky bastard, he thought, to have a 
piece of ass on the side. Then he rolled 
onto his back and pulled himself under 
the Latta, cursing the cheap Georgian 
wrench as he heard the Zhiguli's engine 
grind off into the distance. 


1:04 р.м. Sam edged north on Pros- 
pekt Mira, caught the light and turned 
left. Sixty feet past the Metro, he pulled 
over just long enough to pick up a short, 
muscular man in a cheap fur hat, thick, 
patchwork leather hunting coat and con- 
struction worker's boots. 

Sam extended a gloved hand to the 
Russian. “Pavel Dmitriyvich.” 

The Russian got into the car and 
slammed the door closed on his second 
try. "Sergei Anatolyvich,” he responded, 
grasping the American's hand tightly. 

Sam gunned the engine and spun the 
wheel, and the little car accelerated. 
“This is only our second meeting,” he 
said in English. 

“Second meeting. Got it.” 

Sam turned the car left onto a small 
side street. “You have been trying to re- 
cruit me so you can pass me along to mil- 
itary intelligence. 1 have been open to 
the idea, but you're dubious because you 
believe me to be a provocateur. Never- 
theless, you suggested we get out of Mos- 
cow to escape CIA countersurveillance 
and talk things over." 

"Dubious. Countersurveillance. Got 


it. 

Sam made a series of turns, left, then 
right, along one-way streets, talking as 
he drove. "The Arbatskaya lamppost is 
dead. If you need an emergency meet- 
ing from here on, it’s an "Е on the first 
lamppost to the left of the Lenin Library 
metro stop as you're facing north." 

“Lenin Library, first left as I'm facing 
north. Letter F. Got it." 

“You remember what F 

"PU The Russian was insulted. "Short- 
short-long-short, yes. My Morse is prob- 
ably better than yours. In fact —" 

“Tm changing the backup dead drop," 
Sam interrupted. This hurried trade- 
craft was known to case officers as the 
Mad Minute because it had to be com- 
pleted within the instant of an agent 
meeting. “Church of All Distressed. 
Third row from the back. ht-hand 
bench. Fifth scat." 

“All Distressed. Third row right. Fifth 
seat. Got it.” 

“Emergency rendezvous changed to 
1420 hours. The location remains the 
same.” 

“Fourteen twenty. Got it.” 

“I'll want to see you again in two days. 
There will be a message at the Menshi- 
kov Palace dead drop.” 
ishikov. Got it.” Baranov paused. 


"By the way, where are we going to- 
day?" Baranov asked. 

Zagorsk. 1 thought we'd take the sce- 
nic route." 

""The scenic route?” Good—no vizirs." 
Baranov removed the rabbit-fur hat, re- 
vealing cropped blond hair. The scenic 
route was a series of narrow, largely un- 
used back roads that wound through 
thick pine forests past dachas and farms 
for roughly 25 kilometers to the 14th 
century walled town. 

Sam scanned rearview and sideview 
mirrors and was happy with what he 
saw. “OK,” he said, “What's your crisis, 
Pavel?” 

"It's not my crisis, Sam," the Russian 
answered gravely. “It's yours.” He unfas- 
tened his hunting coat, reached inside 
and eased a heavy envelope from the 
game pocket. 

Baranov opened the envelope and ex- 
tracted a single page from between two 
pieces of cardboard. He looked at Sam. 
“Are your hands clean?” 

Sam shed his thick leather gloves, re- 
vealing latex ones beneath. He reached 
out eagerly. Still, Baranov withheld the 
sheet. “Gently, Sam.” 

Sam took the page, laid it atop the 
steering wheel and anchored it gent- 
ly with the edge of his left hand. He 
glanced down, his eyes skipping between 
the road ahead and the sheet just below 
his line of sight. The document bore a 
Russian Foreign Intelligence Service lo- 
go, a top-secret stamp and the legend 
"Urgent: Eyes of the President." A paper 
patch sat at the topmost right-hand cor- 
ner of the sheet. 

Pavel suddenly shouted. “Sam, Sam, 
watch out!” 

"Ebat'kopat!—holy shit!” Sam braked 
hard, barely missing the bumper of a 
slow-moving truck. He lifted the paper 
off the wheel, used his right hand to 
steer around the vehicle, checked the 
distance between the Zhiguli and the car 
ahead, then dropped his eyes to devour 
every syllable. 

Devour, because Sam Waterman un- 
derstood the neat lines of Cyrillic type 
signified the end of life as he knew it. 


EXECUTIVE SUMMARY 


12.10.1998 

01 Source R reports that President 
W. Clinton held a secret meeting on 
09.10.1998 with CIA director C. Tenet, 
Deputy Secretary of State S. Talbott and 
National Security Council chief S. B 
ger regarding terrorist threats to Ameri- 
cans in former Soviet Republics. 

02 Clinton was advised by Tenet that 
American business interests in the for- 
mer republics of Azerbaijan and Kazakh- 
stan have been targeted by Al Qaeda. 

03 Tenet suggested that CIA identi- 
fy, isolate and neutralize the Al Qaeda 
threat through covert action. He was 
challenged by Talbott, who maintained 
that covert action would violate Azeri 


and Kazakh sovereignty and antagonize 
the Russian leadership. Berger argued 
that if the CIA's covert action program 
backfired, the consequences could in- 
clude regional instability that would jeop- 
ardize lucrative American petroleum 
partnerships. 

04 Clinton agreed with Talbott and 
Berger. 

05 Analysis follows. 

Sam felt as if he'd been gutshot. If the 
document were real, the implications 
were cosmic. There's another traitor in 
Washington—a high-level one. This was 
a goddamn all-star session, not some 
low-level policy gang bang with 30 ju- 
nior staffers drinking lattes. 

And if the document was a fabrication, 
the implications were equally cosmic. 
Pavel Baranov was a double agent— 
probably a creation of Orville Madison's 
aggressive Cl operation—and every- 
thing the general had been feeding Sam 
for the past six months, every rumor, 
memo, briefing paper and report, had to 
be reevaluated) 

Sam kept his surging emotions under 
check. "Pavel, where did you get this?" 

“1 managed to get it. That should be 
enough.” 

It wasn't. Not by a mile. “Pavel 

The Russian retrieved the sheet from 
Sam's hand. 

“Where's the rest?” Sam asked. 

The Russian placed the document 
envelope. “At Lubyanka. Ina 
safe.” He tapped the sheet with a stub- 
by forefinger. “Where this has to go by 
tonight if | want to stay alive. 

“I need it, Pavel.” 

“No way.” 

“Then we go back to Moscow so I can 
make a copy.” 

"I can't risk that.” Baranov pointed at 
the thick paper patch. "See that? They 
hand-number these. I don't want you 
knowing whose copy I was able to get. 
And who knows what else they did." 

Sam understood only too well. Highly 
classified documents were often individ- 
ually typed, with minor alterations in the 
punctuation or the writing. Then they 
were numbered. If the document was 
leaked, the very wording that appeared 
in the newspapers—or was intercepted 
on its way to a hostile intelligence ser- 
vice—could lead counterintelligence to 
the perpetrator. If this page was gen- 
vine, there was no way Pavel would al- 
low him to make a copy. 

On the other hand, if the page was 
a fabrication, there was no way Pavel 
would allow Sam to reproduce it. It 
would be like handing over a signed 
confession. 

Sam took his eyes off the road long 
enough to give his passenger a piercing 
glance. “I'll have to handwrite a copy, 
Pavel.” 

The general's jaw tightened. He 
rubbed his wispy mustache with his right 
forefinger. He bit his lip. He looked into 


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152 


Sam's eyes, trying to read what was go- 
ing on in the American's brain, 

Sam, opaque, gave nothing back. He 
kept the Zhiguli's speed even, gauged 
the distance between his car and the 
truck that he was about to overtake. He 
floored the accelerator and passed the 
vehicle, letting silence do his work for 
him. Silence was a great ally in intelli- 
gence. Young case officers often spoke 
too much—chattered like nervous birds. 
Better to give your target time to think. 
And then you'd close the deal with a few 
well-chosen words. 

So Sam waited him out. There was, he 
thought as he drove, more than a little 
irony in the fact that it had been a bat- 
Це royal to recruit Baranov in the first 
place. Opposition had come from an 
unlikely direction: Langley itself. The 
problem had begun in 1992, when the 
CIA sent a delegation headed by a senior 
сазе officer named Frank Dillard to meet 
the KGB leadership and discuss 
common areas of interest. The sessions 
resulted in the formation of what Dillard 
described as “a symbiotic relationship 
with a fraternal intelligence servi 

How Dillard could have called it fra- 
ternal was beyond Sam's comprehen- 
sion, especially since it was clear to Sam, 
who was deputy chief in Paris, that the 
Russians would never ever stop target- 
ing America. And yet, incredibly, three 
days after Dillard returned to Washing- 
ton, he'd sent a cable over the signature 
of the deputy director for operations, in- 
structing CIA stations worldwide that 
every Russian agent was to be dropped 


and that operations against Russian tar- 
gets were to be closed down 

Dillard's cable was bad enough. Worse 
was that even after the Aldrich Ames and 
Harold Nicholson debacles (which had 
proved Sam's premonitions correct), 
neither the CIA's leadership nor the ad- 
ministration nor the congressional intel- 
ligence oversight committees reversed 
the idiotic no-recruiting-Russians rules. 

Which meant, even in post-Ames 
1997, Sam had had to fight tooth and 
nail for Pavel Baranov. He'd done so be- 
cause it hadn't been EMSI—the trade- 
craft acronym for the vulnerabilities of 
ego, money, sex and ideology—that had 
caused the general to become a traitor. 
Baranov was different. He saw himself as 
a soldier whose mission was to rebuild a 
nation enslaved for more than half a 
century. He wanted freedom and sell- 
determination, and he was willing to 
spy for his former enemy to achieve his 
goals. 

Having uncovered this idealistic chink 
issian's otherwise well-armored 
ality, Sam fought for the opportu- 
ploit it in America's interests. 
And he had prevailed over strong res 
tance. It had been worth the risk to his 
career, too—at least until today. 

Sam noted Baranov's fretful expres- 
sion. Their relationship was complex 
There was no ethical ambiguity, for ex- 
ample, in the fact that Sam honestly 
liked Pavel, although he often coldly ma- 
nipulated the Russian. Their association 
was even fraternal: Both were military 
men. Sam, a Marine, had been awarded 


"My lawyer will read the fine print." 


the Bronze Star in Vietnam; апоу, a 
paratrooper, fought in Afghanistan. The 
experience of combat gave them com- 
mon ground on which to build rapport. 

But when it came to crunch time, Sam 
knew that despite male bonding and ca- 
maraderie, it was he, not Pavel Baranov, 
who had to exert control. Indeed, con- 
trol was the key to all successful case of- 
ficer-agent interaction. He had to run 
Pavel Baranov. It couldn't be the other 
way around. 

Still, pushing—leaning on—an agent 
was never pleasant. Yet Sam understood 
he didn't always have to like what he 
did—he simply had to get the job done 

And so he pushed. "I have to make a 
copy, Pavel. I need a piece of paper in 
my hand. That's how things work. You 
know it and 1 know it." 

Silence. He watched as the general 
blinked thrice, half-nodded and then 
said in whispered Russian, "But not the 
exact language, Sam, please. You must 
paraphrase." 

"Agreed," Sam replied, his heart 
pounding. 

Sam looked at the Russian's worried 
face. Was it because he really was in dan- 
ger, or had Pavel sensed Sam's percep- 
tion that he might be a double? 


As the little car idled on a side street 
that was just south of Zagorsk's Soviet- 
skaya Square, the two men worked out 
the language like a pair of lawyers ham- 
mering out a plea bargain. Beyond the 
square they could see past tourist buses 
to the walls of the 14th century fortress 
that held a farmer's market, half a dozen 
churches and a classic Russian citadel. 
When they'd finished, Sam locked the 
car and they strolled through the old 
kremlin gates. Pavel bought fresh veg- 
etables that even generals found hard to 
come by in Moscow's sparsely stocked 
stores. Sam bought a decoratively paint- 
ed balalaika as a thank-you gift for Tom 
Kennedy. Then he watched as Pavel bar- 
gained for a set of matryoshka dolls. Sam 
had never seen anything like them: five 
fierce-faced KGB goons ed-tabbed 
green uniforms and brown pistol belts. 

Baranov examined the dolls. The 
largest carried a pistol in one hand and 
a pack of cigarettes in the other. "He's 
about to serve up a Lubyanka breakfast,” 
Baranov said. "You know what that 
Sergei Anatolyvich?” 

“A cigarette and a bullet, Pavel 
Dmitriyvich." 

"Correct." The general agreed on a 
price, handed rubles to the vendor and 
stuffed the hollowed-out figures inside 
one another. Juggling his groceries, he 
presented the matryoshka to Sam. "Hap- 
py birthday, Sergei Anatolyvich.” 

Sam was genuinely touched by the 
gesture. "Thai mbering. 
Pavel Dmitriyvich. 

Baranov flushed, embarrassed. "It is 


nothing." 

He still has a boyish face, Sam 
thought, even after having been to war. 
He patted the figurines. "1 will treasure 
them. And to celebrate, why not let me 
buy us a late lunch?" 

The general checked the thick gold 
Rolex on his wrist. “1 think we'd best get 
” he said. “I have things to do in 


0 do 1, it would seem.” 
e 


When they were about halfway to the 
M8, on a winding stretch of back road 
bordered on both sides by thick forest, a 
Mercedes overtook them. It was a 500 
series the opaque windows favored 

by mafiyosi. The driving lights flashed 
three times in Sam's rearview mirror, 
and he steered toward the shoulder to 
let the black behemoth pass, catching a 
glance of the driver and the front-seat 
passenger as they drew close, then 
swerved around the Zhiguli and disap- 
peared around the next curve. 

“Byki,” Baranov grumbled, using the 
idiom for mafiyosi muscle. 

“Da—from the look of the ugly torpe- 
do riding shotgun,” Sam agreed. 

A minute or so later, a second and a 
third Mercedes came up quickly behind 
the Zhiguli. Again, Sam edged shoulder- 
ward, but the cars stayed tight on his 
bumper. Then they dropped back. He 
glanced ahead, saw a tight curve and 
slowed to ease through it. As he went 
around it he saw the first Mercedes, not 
300 yards ahead. It was blocking the 
road. Behind it men crouched with 
weapons. 

Тоо late, Sam realized what was hap- 
pening. They'd been targeted by crimi- 
nals. Where had all his counterinsur- 
gency training gone? “Shit,” he shouted. 
“Pavel—it's a goddamn ambush.” 

Stay calm, he thought. You're a pro- 
fessional. Remember what they taught 
you about running roadblocks. He 
gauged the closing distance and mea- 
sured the space between the Mercedes 
that sat astride the two-lane road and 
the narrow shoulder. Just enough, he 
prayed, so I can thread the needle. He 
floored the clutch, downshifted into sec- 
ond and, mindless of the Zhiguli's pro- 
testing transinission, aimed the car at the 
middle of the narrow gap between 
the Mercedes’ rear quarter panel and 
the tree 

That was wh en the big sedan behind 
him came up fast and smacked the left 
side of his rear bumper—smacked it 
hard. 

In the eighth of a second between the 
time the Zhiguli was hit and Sam lost all 
control, he realized the maneuver had 
been so precisely executed that he wasn't 
up against gangsters but Vladimir 
Vladimirovich Putin's FSB professionals. 
The car spun out. Its front wheel caught 
the soft shoulder, wavered, teetered and 


then rolled, skidding toward the road- 
block in a shower of sparks. 

Sam's face made rude contact with the 
windshield. The impact ripped him out 
of his seat belt and he caromed helpless- 
ly around the interior. He smacked into 
the roof panel and heard himself scream 
as his shoulder separated. Then, his ears 
filled with the cacophony of shattering 
metal and splintering glass, all color 
drained away and he could see nothing 
but black and white. Huge bright spots 
appeared in front of his eyes. Finally, 
as ifan immense drapery were being 
pulled from left to right across what was 
left of his field of vision, he slipped into 
blackness and disappeared into a terri- 
ble crystal funnel of white sound. 

It was dusk when Sam opened his 
eyes. Christ, it hurt to breathe. He 
groaned and flopped over onto his back. 
He was on the shoulder of the road. He 
licked his split lips and tasted blood. 

Behind him, the Zhiguli rested on its 
crumpled roof. Vegetables were strewn 
about, along with pieces of balalaika and 
glass. Eight feet away, Pavel Baranov's 
body lay crumpled facedown, legs at an 
obscene angle, arms akimbo. 

“Pavel?” Sam crawled toward the Rus- 
sian. The going was slow and incredibly 
painful. He reached Baranov's leg and 
shook it. There was no response. He 
pulled himself alongside Baranov and 
rolled him onto his back by his belt. 

Which is when Sam saw Baranov's 
open, dead eyes. And the broken ciga- 
rette stuffed into his mouth. And the bul- 
let holes in the Russian's forehead. He 
forgot his own pain, raised Pavel's head 
and cradled it in his lap. His hands and 
trousers became wet with blood and 
skull fragments and brain matter. He 
brushed tobacco strands from between 
the Russian’s lips. 

Sam sat there for seconds, rocking the 
lifeless man in his arms. It came to him, 
in the way cruel memories intrude, that 
he'd spent a small part of his 19th birth- 
day 25 or so miles southwest of Da Nang, 
holding the shredded body of a lance 
corporal in much the same way he was 
holding Pavel Baranov now. But then 
Sam's training took over, and he checked 
1's corpse only to discover 
what he knew he'd find: Pavel still wore 
his gold Rolex, but the envelope with its 
precious page was gone. He ran his left 
hand up inside his jacket. The copy was 
gone, too. 

Sam realized, even in 
that its disappearance didnt prove any- 
thing about the document's bona fides— 
or Pavel Baranov's. 

But then, Sam Waterman realized 
something else. He remembered Pavel 
Baranov hadn't known they were going 
to Zagorsk. No one knew his destination 
or his route. Until, that is, he'd cabled 
every single detail to Langley. 


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PLAYBOY 


154 


Amanda Peet 


(continued from page 113) 


PLAYBOY: We've heard you're not com- 
fortable fying. 

PEET: That's truc. I'm getting a lot better, 
though—I flew to Vietnam by myself. 
Twelve and a half hours to Osaka, six 
and a half hours to Bangkok and one 
hour to Ho Chi Minh City. I'm not justa 
prissy actress. I've been to Nam! People 
need to go there soon, because it's about 
to change. But I think getting drunk is 


the key to flying comfortably. A couple of 


bloody marys or several glasses of cham- 
pagne, and suddenly it's like you're on a 
roller coaster. 


11 


PLAYBOY: So, the mile high club is out. 
PEET: No sex would be good enough or 


distracting enough to mitigate my fear of 


flying. And I've had some good sex. 
12 


PLAYBOY: Several of the celebrities we've 
interviewed have made People maga- 
zine's 50 most beautiful people list. You 
werc in the 2000 issue. Did you look for 
yourself in the next year's issue? 

peer: No, 1 knew I wasn't going to be in 
it. Im starting to come to terms with the 
fact that it was a one-shot deal, as some 
special things in life are. I'm just now 
getting over it. It took me two years and 
I've been through a lot of therapy. Be- 
sides, I didn't look as good in 2001—I 
partied too much at the millennium. 


13 


PLAYBOY: We understand that you are 
one of those gifted women who can belch 
beautifully. Can you do the alphabet? 


"All I wanted was a little rose tattoo, but he said he was inspired 


to do something ‘worthy of the canvas.’ . . . 


peer: I don't have attenuated burps. 
Mine are short and sweet. 


14 


PLAYBOY: Do you say words? 

PEET: No. Sometimes I say "Balzac" but 
that’s just because it's what Matthew Per- 
ry says. Balzac the writer, not ball sack. 


15 


PLAYBOY: Do you do impressions? 
peer: You mean in general? 


16 


PLAYBOY: No, while you're belching. 
PEET: Just Matthew Perry. 


17 


PLAYBOY: When guys meet a beautiful 
woman, do you find that they are most 
often stupid or just shy? 

PEET: Often they're both. I know a lot of 
lovely, smart men who aren't shy or stu- 
pid. If I hung out at some club for 22- 
year-olds, I'd probably be really upset. 
But you can avoid those men. 


18 


PLAYBOY: What advice would you give 
10 a guy who wants to meet a beautiful 
woman? 

PEET: Beauty is only skin deep. If you go 
after someone just because she's beauti- 
ful but don't have anything to talk about, 
it’s going to get boring fast. You want to 
look beyond the surface and see if you 
can have fun or if you have anything in 
common with this person. Beyond that, 
1 would say just be yourself, because it's 
exhausting otherwise. It’s important to 
have a good laugh at yourself and at 
cach other. And don't be a person who 
ruminates on grudges. 


19 


PLAYBOY: When filming a nude scene, 
are you more likely to be nonchalant or 
stressed out? 

beer: Well, I try to behave nonchalant- 
ly, but inside, I'm having embarrassing 
bursts of neuroses. I just try to breathe 
deeply and look the other way. My job 
is to have the imagination to pretend 
I have a relationship that doesn't really 
exist, that I have a love that doesn't exist, 
and that 1 can casually wake up next to 
someone with whom I don't have a rela- 
tionship—and make it look real. To me 
that's a lot of fun, though it may sound 
asininc to others. It's a strange thing for 
a grown-up to do. A noble art. 


20 


ri viov: What i your boyfriend is an ac- 
tor doing a love scene? 
vier: I'm on the set that day. 


On the MTV reality show Flipped— 
described by the network as "Fantasy 


Island meets Scared Straight" — 


young people 
find themselves 
living out their 
worst night- 
mares. For 24 
hours, Flipped 
participants 
(a.k.a. deviant 
teens) surren- 
der their lives and experience scenar- 
ios intended to make them change 
their ways. In "Heroin," one of the 
show's most talked-about episodes, 
Rebekka Armstrong and her friend 
Oliver portray junkies and demon- 
strate to drug user Cory how miser- 
able life is for an addict. Rebekka and 
Oliver, who are clean in real life (Re- 
bekka has spoken openly of her past 
drug use), dupe Cory into thinking 
that they are serious druggies. "My 
best friend died from using heroin," 
Rebekka says. “I remember her be- 
ing dope-sick so many times. I wish I 
could have helped her.” During the 


PLAYMATE BIRTHDAYS 
August 4: Miss October 1973 
Valerie Lane 
‘August 11: Miss August 1960 
Elaine Paul 


August 17: Miss December 1978 
Janet Quist 

August 25: Miss February 1971 
Willy Rey 

August 30: Miss January 1985 
Joan Bennett 


show, Cory watches Rebekka suffer 
from heroin withdrawal on a bath- 
room floor. He and Oliver then beg 
for money on the street to buy drugs. 


Later, they get arrested and go to jail. 
At the end of the program, Rebekka 
tells Cory her life story—including 
how she contracted HIV—and shows 
him the boatload of medications she 

has to take each day to stay alive. 

“People say that it's the best Flipped 
they've ever seen,” Rebekka says. 
“Everyone believed we were ad- 


Clockwise from top left: On the MTV show 
Flipped, Rebekka Armstrong plays o heroin 
addict who suffers withdrawal. She later 
comes clean to Flipped kid Cory. When she's 
nat portraying a junkie, Rebekka is the picture of 
heolth ond visits colleges on a speaking tour. 
Check out rebekkoonline.com for more info. 


dicts—my mom even fell for it. Cory 
was so relieved I wasn't messed up on 
drugs that he had to fight back tears. 
We keep in touch. He's stopped us- 


ol the Annual Academy of 
Magical Arts Awards. Nicole Na 


Heinrich ond Nerich Dovis at Ployboy's Super Bow party in New Orleans. Deonno Brooks ond 
Jessica Lee with John Rocker at the Super Bowl. Victoria Fuller on the Cosino International cover. 


20 YEARS AGO THIS MONTH 


Cathy St. George first came to 
PLAYBOY as a makeup artist for 
the Playmates and 
eventually became 
Miss August 1982. 

Cathy worked for 


Max Factor be- 
fore putting on 
gals’ faces for 
several pictorials, 
Playmate tests 


and at least 15 
Centerfolds. 
“People tell me 
they feel as if 
Um painting 
them like a can- П 


ma e ay y Coty St, George 
work,” she said then. In the years 
since, Cathy has done makeup 
for celebrities such as Bill Mur- 
ray and fitness advocate Kathy 
Smith. On her Data Sheet, she 
confessed that her ambition was 
to be remembered. Clearly she is. 


ing. We hope he can stay on the right 
path.” For more information about 


Flipped, go to mtv.com/onair/flipped. 


olcati, Miriam Gonzalez, Stephanie 


155 


Ilike Pamela Anderson. 
She's adorable. She's beautiful 
in a cute way. 

1 don't know 
her personally, 
but I like that 


she's so in- 
volved with her 
children. She 
also stands up 
for a cause— 
such as a man's 
doing the 
right 

thing. 


1n Danny Schechter's 
We Are Family—a docu- 
mentary filmed last Sep- 
tember 22 and 23— 
celebrities, doctors, fire- 
fighters and police of- 
ficers join to perform 
and discuss the after- 
f math of September 11. 
Dionne Warwick, Patti 
LaBelle and Diana Ross 
sing the theme song, a 


P 


Ploymates need playmates, too- Left ta right: Husband 
and wife David Boreanaz and Jaime Bergman with 
Rocky at the TJ Martell Rocquet Rumble; Vanesso Glec 
son and Kelly Manaco with a canine chum at o Borq's 
event; Donna D'Errico and pol сі the Animal Avengers 
charity launch party; Shannon Tweed and her daughter 
Sophie with Snippet at the 4 Paws for a Cure Dog Walk 


LAYMATE NEWS 


version of the Sister Sledge hit with 
altered lyrics. Who else took part? Be- 
be Buell, Spike Lee, Macaulay Cul- 
kin, Gina Gershon, Matthew Modine, 
Milla Jovovich, Luther Vandross, Ro- 
berta Flack and Angie Stone. “I was 
touched to be part of such a wonder- 
ful event,” Bebe says. “After the tap- 
ing. I went to ground zero. I was 
overwhelmed with emotion.” Much 
of We Are Family's proceeds will go to 
charity. Look for it in select theaters 
until September 2002. 


MARIO CASILLI 1931-2002 
Few photographers contributed 
more to the look and the style of 
PLAYBOY than Mario Casilli, who 
passed away in April after a lon 
illness. He started in 1957 wit 
a nude shooting of 


Jacquelyn Prescot E 
and did his last pic- y = 
toral, Naked Nielsen, y 
in 1996. He shot 70 е 
Centerfolds, count- 

less celebrities and 

dozens of covers. 

An aficionado of 

good food, great 

cars and beautiful 

women, Mario was 

a warm gentleman 

who put everyone at ease in front 
of the camera. He once said, “It 
was Hef's intention to have fun. 
We had a lot of fun." Mario will 
be missed. 


Dolene takes 


George Clooney knows how to 
cameos by Victoria Ful- 
хс Gonzalez. . . . Congrats to 
married by the time 
Jessica Lee, Da- 
Gumball 3000 
as a lawyer on Dhar- d 


thrill moviegoers: His directorial 

debut, Confessions of a Dangerous 

Mind, was filmed partly at 
A the Mansion and includes 

ler, Ava Fabian, Stacy 

El Fuson, Cathy St. George, 

SA Jennifer Walcott, Dean- 
na Brooks and Miriam 

Pamela Anderson and Kid Rock, 

who got engaged 

in the Las Vegas 

desert and may be 

you read this. 

Playboy X-Treme 

Team troupers 

Daphnee Duplaix, 

nelle Folta and 

Shanna Moakler 

drove cross- 

country in The 

Rally, a road 

adventure that 

spanned the U.S... . 

Yes, that's Daphnee 

ma and Greg and in commercials 

for Edipse gum, Ross stores and 

Skintimate shave cream. ... 

Shauna Sand has a role in the 


flick Circuit Two. . . . Dalene Kur- 
tis appears on the cover of the 
romance novel The American Earl 


(pictured above). . . . Martha 
Smith plays a "wealthy socialite 
with a face-lift and a drug prob- 
lem" in the Aaron Spelling pilot 
Kingpin. . . . Nicole Narain has a 


Big Easy party. 


role in the Jet Li-DMX action 
movie Cradle to the Grave... . 
Cheers to Vanessa Gleason, Sta- 
cy Fuson, Julie Cialini, Karen 
McDougal, Laura Cover and 
Jennifer Walcott (above), who 
bonded over cocktails at the An- 
heuser-Busch sales convention 
recently held in New Orleans. 


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WHAT'S HAPPENING, WHERE IT'S HAPPENING AND WHO'S MAKING IT HAPPEN 


e're still not sure which 

was more fun—gelting to 

stay at Skibo Castle, An- 

drew Carnegie's luxuri- 
ous highland home, or flogging a new 
four-wheel-drive Range Rover up and 
down Scottish terrain. A baptism in a 
stream that was almost door-handle 
high capped one day of testing. This is 
Land Rover's third-generation Range 
Rover and it shares few components 
with previous models. In the States, 
we'll see the Range Rover fitted with a 
4.4 liter V8 similar to the one BMW 
uses in its X5 SUV (BMW owned Rov- 
er lor a short time, remember?), and 
Land Rover's current owner, Ford, 
saw no reason to scrap it. But what 


Above right and 
right: Andrew Car- 
negie described Ski- 
bo Castle as heaven 
on earth. The coun- 
tryside surrounding 
it proved a hellishly 
effective Range Rov- 
er testing ground, 
complete with an 
ice-cold stream. 


HIGHLAND FLING 


i distinguishes this Range Rover from its predecessors is 

an alphabet soup of electronic goodies that includes Dy- 
namic Stability Control and Hill Descent Control. The 
latter is especially impressive because it allows you to 
descend steep slopes with your foot off the brake. Land 
Rover says designer yachts and high-end stereos were 
the inspiration for the car's luxurious interior. If you 


Above: The new Range 
Rover features a steel 
structure that integrates 
the body with the chas- 
sis. The result is better 
handling both off-road 
and on. Leít: Wood and 
leather abound in the 
car's interior. Bottom far 
leít: Is that deep trouble 
back in the boonies? Not 
at all. We survived our 
highland fling with nary 
a stall, even when navi- 
gating high water and 
jagged rocks. 


want to take this $70,000 SUV 
off-road, fear not. Its electronic au- 
tomatic gearbox and Steptronic 
two-speed gearbox with Torsen 
center differential should get you 
through anything short of a La Brea 
tar pit. Air suspension with three 
settings (access, standard and ofi- 
road) provides 11 inches of ground 
clearance when you're driving in 
low (or off-road) range. The accel- 
erator in low is also less sensitive 
than when you are motoring 
high, to give you greater control in 

rough terrain. — DAVID STEVENS 159 


WHERE AND HOW TO DULY ON PAGE 149 


160 big screen. 


Mie rapevine 


E = 


He’s Got the Beat 
Drummer JASON SCHWARTZMAN's 
rock group is getting as much atten- 
tion as his movie career. Phantom 
Planet’s The Guest is on the charts 
and Schwartzman’s Spun is on the 


Breast of All 

CHRISTINA RICCI's new movies cover 
Lucrezia Borgia's Rome and Woody Al- 
len's New York—which is more than we 
can say about this dress. 


Claire Tops Off 

CLAIRE FORLANI has teamed up 
with Jackie Chan in Highbinders 
and with hired killers in Trigger- 
men, but it's her halter that gets 
our attention, 


doa n 


vmm m 


— у: с 


Carrie's Alter Ego 


CANDACE BUSHNELL lets it all hang out—and why not? 
She wrote the columns that became Sex and the City. 
The rest we leave to Carrie, Miranda, Charlotte and 


Samantha, who heat up the small screen. 


Busting Out 

While ANASTACIA's CD Freak of 
Nature finds its American au- 
dience, you will remember her 
singing this year's World Cup 
theme song. 


Sweet Cheeks 

When KERRI STOCKWELL isn't modeling or 
playing sports, she shows up on Baywatch 
Hawaii and Pacific Blue. Here she shows 
how to back it up. 


161 


MWotpourri 


THIS BIRD'S FOR YOU 


When Captain Steve called about his 
Beer Can Chicken Roaster. we thought 
he'd consumed too much brew. But we 
discovered the product works. "The open 
circular base of the Roaster keeps the 
bird balanced on the grill or in the oven, 
thus providing even heat distribution to 
boil the beverage and cook the meat," 
says Captain Steve. Price: $9.05, from 


800-480-4450. 


SEEING RED IN AMSTERDAM 


Amsterdam's de Wallen red-light district is home to those famous ladies 
in the windows, along with porno shops, erotic boutiques, sex shows, 
X-rated cinemas, casinos, pubs and coffeehouses that sell a choice of 
gourmet marijuana. And, of course, here's the clincher: Everything is 
legal. To explore Holland’s netherworld, read Closed Curtain, a $12.50 
book by journalist Bruce Harris. Chapters range from “Prostitution Is j я — 

a Job" to “Top of the Ladder: Yab Yum" (“the most exclusive and pleas- ee 
ant men’s club in the world”). Call White-Boucke Publishing at 800- 

382-7922 to order a copy. 


LONG MAY SHE WAVE 


Artist Candice Gawne of Luminous Art- 
works in Rancho Dominguez, California 
created Flying Colors USA, a neon star 
and flowing stripes on an 18-inch black 
acrylic frame. Los Angeles residents saw 
it on display at the Museum of Neon Art. 
Now you can keep a symbolic Old Glory 
waving on your wall or in your window 
year-round. Price: $197, from 866-riy- 
COLORS or go to flyingcolorsusa.com 


WRIST ASSURED, BOND IS BACK 


To celebrate the 40th anniversary of the James Bond books and the 
forthcoming Bond flick Die Another Day, Swatch Watch inked a smart 
deal with the Ian Fleming estate. The James Bond Collection will 
include 20 watches (one for each 007 film, excluding Casino Royale), 
ranging in price from $40 (The Man With the Golden Gun, above) to 
about $120 (Goldeneye). Dr. No and The Spy Who Loved Me, also pictured 
above, are $75 and $140. A metal case to hold the entire collection costs 
$150. (Figure $2000 for all the watches and the case.) To begin Bond- 
ing, call 800-8-swarch, go to swatch.com or drop by a Swatch store. 

162 A complete collection should be worth a bundle someday. 


WHERE THERE'S SMOKE 


Whether or not you smoke, 
Love al First Lighl will make 
you chuckle. It's a collection 


B 

from the Twenties through 
the Sixties, reproduced as 
postcards and bound into 
a softcover. Some of the 
ads are sexy and others are 
corny, but all offer the same 

ge: "Light up and get 
laid." The headline GENTLY 
poss rr for the Philip Morris 
advertisement pictured here 
is a wink that the relati 
is heating up. The pric 
available from Trai 
Square at 800-423 


HONEY, | SHRUNK THE CORVETTE 


It's the 50th anniversary of the Chevrolet Corvette. To celebrate, 
designers at Nkok remote-control cars have created a 1:16 scale 
model of the current 706 and priced it right $40. The Ише run- 
ner has wonderful details, including a beautiful interior. Available 
colors are red and yellow. Go to nkok.com to order yours, and 
while you're there, check out other Nkok remote cars. 


COUNT ON MONTECRISTO 


When it comes to cigars, the 
name Montecristo is at the 
top of the list. With the intro- 
duction of 80 proof Monte- 
cristo rum, you now have a 
rich, velvety beverage to ac- 
company your premium pull. 
Alter touring distill fora 
rum worthy of the name, the 
Montecristo team selected a 
blend of 12- and 23-year-old 
Guatemalan rums aged in 
oak barrels. Sidebar Spirits in 
Las Vegas is marketing the 
brand. P: about $30. Go 
to montecristorum.com for 

a list of retailers. 


HOT FOR A COCKTAIL 


So many warm-weather cocktails, so little time 
to enjoy them. Do what we did and add the 
DVD Summer Quenchers to your library. On it, 
Los Angeles bartender Kyle Branche tells how 
to make more than 50 great drinks for the 
great outdoors. To order, send a check for $19 
=н to Cocktail Art, 

22817 Ventura 
Boulevard, 

PMB 902, 
Woodland 
Hills, Califor- 
nia 91364. 


IN A MELLOW MOOD 


Sony Classical and Legacy Records has intro- 
duced a series of classical and jazz CDs under 
the tide Music for You. The eclectic mix of artists 
includes Yo-Yo Ma, Miles Davis, Dave Brubeck 
and Philip Glass. The mood is late-night listen- 
ing, and most of the tracks are compilations of 
recordings. Davis’ CD, shown below, 
includes Summertime, Round Midnight and Old 
Folks—all from separate sessions. The price: 
$12 each. Check record stores. 


miles dovis 
blue moods 


Шох! Month 


164 


THE PERSONALS 


JORDAN FOOTBALL PREVIEW. 


JORDAN--THE BAD-GIRL BRITISH SUPERMODEL SHOWS OFF 
HER VOLUPTUOUS PHYSIQUE FOR STATESIDE FANS. HEF MET 
HER IN LONDON AND SUGGESTED THAT SHE POSE. YOU'LL 
SEE WHY 


SEX AND SANCTITY—AMID THE SCANDAL AND INNUENDO, 
WHAT'S LIFE LIKE IN THE SEMINARY? CHARLES O'BYRNE, 
STUDYING TO BE A CATHOLIC PRIEST, LEARNED THE TRUTH 
ABOUT BIGOTRY, SEX AND HYPOCRISY. HIS TRUE STORY 
COULD SHAKE YOUR FAITH 


LARRY ELLISON—THE ORACLE FOUNDER AND MULTIBIL- 
LIONAIRE RIPS INTO BILL GATES, DISSECTS THE DOT-COM 
BUST AND VOWS TO WIN THE NEXT AMERICA'S CUP PLUS. 
WHY BILL CLINTON IS MORE FUN TO HANG OUT WITH THAN 
GEORGE W. BUSH. A PROVOCATIVE PLAYBOY INTERVIEW 
BY DAVID SHEFF 


THE PERSONALS—DO YOU BELIEVE IN LOVE AT FIRST 
SIGHT? HERE'S A STRING OF HOT HELLOS FROM MEN AND 
WOMEN WHO CAUGHT A GLIMPSE OF THEIR NEXT BIG RO- 
MANCE. BUT WHO WAS WATCHING WHOM? TERRIFIC SUMMER 
FICTION BY RON CARLSON 


THE BRAT HITS THE BIG TIME—STEVE SPURRIER IS THE 
HIGHEST-PAID COACH IN THE NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE— 
AND THAT'S BEFORE HIS FIRST SEASON STARTS. THE NEW 
REDSKIN IS A COCKY HEISMAN WINNER WHOSE CRITICS 
CAN' WAIT TO SEE HIM FUMELE. BY GEOFFREY NORMAN 


MISS SEPTEMBER 


LENNY KRAVITZ—THE STYLISH ROCK STAR YOUR GIRL- 
FRIEND IS CRAZY ABOUT TALKS TO WARREN KALBACKER IN 
200. DISCUSSED: LIFE ON THE ROAD, HIS MIAMI CRIB, DAT- 
ING CELEBRITIES AND WHY HE STILL BELIEVES IN LETTING 
LOVE RULE 


KITCHEN CONFIDENTIAL—SHE'S FINALLY BACK AT YOUR 
APARTMENT. NOW WHAT? THE DISH ON MAKING QUICK MEALS 
THAT LOOK GOURMET—AND GETTING HER TO STAY FOR 
BREAKFAST. BY JOHN REZEK 


POWER CHORDS—MAKING MUSIC ROCKS WITH THESE NEW 
DIGITAL GADGETS, INCLUDING A POCKET RECORDING STU- 
DIO AND AN AMPLIFIER THAT WILL BLOW YOUR NEIGHBORS 
AWAY. BY JASON BUHRMESTER 


ANITA MARKS—A WOMEN'S PRO FOOTBALL QUARTERBACK 
TO FANTASIZE ABOUT? NO, WE'RE NOT KIDDING. WE'VE GOT 
HER PADLESS AND HELMET FREE IN A GREAT PICTORIAL 


FALL AND WINTER FASHION FORECAST—WE'RE IN A NEW 
YORK STATE OF MIND WITH A LOVE STORY STARRING R&B 
SINGER EURICKA AND SOME STYLISH SUITS 


PLUS: OUR ANNUAL NFL PREVIEW (READ IT BEFORE INVEST- 
ING IN THE OFFICE POOL), IN BED WITH CENTERFOLD ELKE 
JEINSEN, TAKING THE MEASURE OF BIG-SCREEN TVS, 
AWESOME SCUBA GEAR AND MISS SEPTEMBER SHALLAN 
MEIERS—ANOTHER FINALIST FROM OUR FOX TV SPECIAL