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| EXCLUSIVE | 
SINATRA& — = И 
JFK'S SECRET “ЖЕ 
SEX PARTIES 


PLAYMATE. | 
OF THE YEARy | 
Revealed! 27 | 


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То be removed from our mailing list, please write to Custom Dats Systems Inc., 251 Maln Street, Stamford, CT 06901-2918, 


True friends and great pitchers. 


They both bring their best stuff. 


Phil Spector met Lana Clarkson one evening in February, and within hours she was Iying on the floor of his foyer, dead of 
a gunshot wound. This month Steve Pond reconstructs the fatal convergence of the once-powerful producer and the ag- 
ing starlet. Bob Love, pLaysoy’s new Editor at Large, directed Pond's efforts. The result is an atmospheric journey through 
the less glamorous side of Hollywood, replete with shades of Sunset Boulevard. “Even as strangers Spector and Clarkson 
were bound by a common sense of desperation,” says Pond, "а feeling that they'd lost their juice and would never get it 
back. It's true of many in LA, celebrities and strivers alike. As hope slips away, they make bizarre moves and odd choices.” 


This month's interview with Mike 
Piazza is the first by Kevin Cook 
to be interrupted by a fire alarm— 
twice. "It was more like a Klax- 
оп," Cook says. “Тһе second 
time was just as we were getting 
into the sex stuff. Thankfully, it 
didn’t throw him off base.” The 
two talked long after the tape 
stopped rolling. "Like most play- 
ers, he's concerned about his 
masculinity,” says Cook. "Не has 
to deal with guys throwing at him 
and writing about him. In the 
World Series, he showed more 
class than Clemens—he kept his 
team in mind. To me, that makes 
him a better man than Roger.” 


Two generations of readers 
grew up on Asa Baber's Men 
column. Baber's success is a 
testament to his ability to speak 
to us as brother, father figure 
and worldly uncle. He is also an 
avowed positivist—but now he 
brings us sad news. Because of 
his struggle with ALS, this is his 
last column. “Many thanks to 
Hef for having the guts and the 
audacity to start PLAYBOY when | 
was a teenager," Baber says. “I 
admire him highly. He created 
the one magazine in America 
that delivered millions of avid 
readers to my doorstep every 
time | showed up.” 


Together with Features Editor 
Christopher Napolitano and 
Associate Art Director Rob Wil- 
son, new Deputy Editor Steven 
Russell has crafted a new look 
for our popular After Hours and 
reviews pages, complete with 
a clean, innovative design and 
fresh regular features. “After 
Hours is our way of speaking di- 
rectly to readers, so if you want 
to talk back, go ahead,” says 
Russell. “Say you work with 
someone who should be Em- 
ployee of the Month—send the 
pictures straight to me!" 


The period from 1953 to 1968 in- 
cluded very good years indeed 
for Frank Sinatra and for his 
valet George Jacobs. For much 
of that time, Sinatra was the most 
powerful man in Hollywood. In an 
excerpt from Mr. 5.: My Life With 
Frank Sinatra (HarperCollins) by 
George Jacobs and William Sta- 
diem, Jacobs shares wild se- 
crets, such as when he watched 
JFK snort cocaine. “I was at the 
greatest party the world had ever 
known,” says Jacobs. “I partied 
with the kings and queens of the 
planet. It was an amazing trip.” 


At a mere 5' 61/7? he's the next big thing in late night. 


Entertainment, sports, and everything in between. 


ШІЛІГІ, 


ALL-NEW LATE NIGHT WITH BOB COSTAS 
FRIDAYS AT 11:30PM STARTING MAY 2 НВО 


Subscribe online at HBO.com AOL Keyword: HBO ITS NOT TV IT'S HBO. 
©2003 Home Box Office, a Division о! Time Warner Entertainment Company. L.P. All rights reserved, @ Service marks of Time Warner Entertainment Company, І.Р. 


vol. 50, по. 6—june 2003 


PLAYBOY 


sc оп! еп! s| 


features 


64 


во 


86 


123 


124 


PHIL SPECTOR WITH A BULLET 

An ornate Hollywood mansion, a pistol-packing genius recluse, a striving starlet. 
And, finally, a dead body. How did a late-night rendezvous between famed record 
producer Phil Spector and actress Lana Clarkson turn deadly? BY STEVE POND 


PLAYBOY’S SUMMER MOVIE PREVIEW 

If the weather is warm, il means it’s time for another baich of heavily hyped F/X- 
laden flicks. From The Matrix Reloaded to The Hulk, we handicap this summer's 
hottest movies. BY ROBERT ABELE 


MAJOR TURN-ONS 
Girls aren't the only thing that can stir а man’s passion. For proof, check ош the 
world's biggest plasma TV, a camcorder good enough for Sundance and а PDA that 


does everything except brush your teeth. 


SINATRA AND THE DARK SIDE OF CAMELOT 

Sinatra was а lot of things to a lot of people, but to his friend JFK, he was first and 
foremost an enabler. Frank's Palm Springs pad was ће anti-Camelot, where 
Kennedy could snort coke, nail Hollywood's finest and boast of his conquests. 
Sinatra's valet saw И all—and wrote it down. A Playboy exclusive. BY GEORGE 
JACOBS AND WILLIAM STADIEM 


SEXPERIMENTS 

The unquenchable thirst for scientific knowledge has led down some lusty—and 
ludicrous—paths. How do porcupines pork? Exactly what percentage of girls 
look better through beer goggles? Whatever the question, a rubber-gloved expert 
is readying a probe to find the answer. BY CHIP ROWE 


CENTERFOLDS ON SEX: CATHY ST. GEORGE 

Cathy loves backdoor action. But she says it took some convincing. Her story could 
help you get a backstage pass to your girl. Get ready for full access! 

20Q NELLY 

The multiplatinum rapper breaks down his posse's payroll, explains why he spells 


everything from Hol in Herre to Vokal wrong and reveals the secret recipe for 
pimp juice. BY ROBERT CRANE 


interview 


57 


MIKE PIAZZA 

When the best-batting catchers in baseball history are discussed around the waler- 
cooler, one name dominates the talk. So we sat down with the Mets’ all-star slugger 
10 gel the full story. There are no walks in the Playboy Interview, so Piazza swings 
away on his sex life, Roger Clemens and taking creatine—and on an opponent who 
lets loose while swinging for the fences. BY KEVIN COOK 


cover story 


Here's the Joe Millionaire surprise ending we 
oll wonted. Money honey Sarah Kozer bares 
her significant ossets in PLAYBOY. We sent Con- 
tributing Photogropher Stephen Wayda to 
shoot the Millionoire runner-up—and second 
place never looked so good. Our Robbit stokes 
cut the middle ground. 


vol. 50, по. 6—june 2003 


contents continued 


Pictorials 


70 PLAYMATE OF THE YEAR: 
CHRISTINA SANTIAGO 
She may have been the runner-up 
оп Fox's Search for a Playboy Cen- 
terfold, but she's first in our hearts. 


94 РІДҮМАТЕ: TAILOR JAMES 
We think you'll agree—this 
Tailor suits us. 


SARAH 
Did she blow a lot of money? After 
you've seen this, you'll agree: Joe 
Millionaire picked the wrong girl. 


notes and news 


W HANGIN’ WITH HEF 
The Miller Lite girls, Ashton 
Kutcher and Queen Latifah party 
with the Man. 


49 THE PLAYBOY FORUM 
A jury's drug-case revolt is a real- 
life courthouse drama; kids’ books 
take aim at guns. 


PLAYMATE NEWS 
Jéssica Lee rolls with Papa Roach, 
Slash's favorite Playmate, 


departments. 
PLAYBILL 

DEAR PLAYBOY 

AFTER HOURS 
PLAYBOY TV 
PLAYBOY.COM 

MEN 

MANTRACK 

THE PLAYBOY ADVISOR 


PARTY JOKES 

WHERE AND HOW TO BUY 
ОМ THE SCENE 
GRAPEVINE 

POTPOURRI 


fashion 


SURF AND SKATE 
Professional board stars make a 
living riding Ihe edge. These 
clothes can take the heal. 

BY JOSEPH DE ACETIS 


SLIM SHADIES 
Sunglasses as full-frontal fashion. 
BY JOSEPH DE АСЕТІ5 


reviews 


27 


33 


MOVIES 

X-Men 2 is more fast and furious 
than the first; Jim Carrey returns 
in Bruce Almighty. 


MUSIC 

Unwritten Law and their chemi- 
cal-fueled road trip; plus Yeah 
Yeah Yeahs and Limp Bizkit. 


GAMES 
Enter the Matrix, tear-ass around 
Paris and attack Himmler's lab. 


DVD 

Catch Me If You Can, and 
Deborah Kerr nude. 

BOOKS 

Michael Connelly's Harry Bosch is 
back; plus the story ој a pimp-cum- 
folk hero in Stagolee Shot Billy. 


NNETH COLE FRAGRANCE FOR МЕ 


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e.ojdas/saje]s ејо5 ujeuusy 


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ARTISAN] 


SIX REASONS 
HY THE WEST 
WAS WILD... 


Emilio Estevez 
Kiefer Sutherland 
Lou Diamond Phillips 
Charlie Sheen 
Dermot Mulroney 


SPECIAL EDITION DVD 


SPECIAL FEATURES* 

Digitally Remastered Widescreen Version 

51 DTS Digit 

2.0 Dolby Du 

Audio Commentary with Lou Diamond Phillips, 

Dermot Mulroney and Casey Siemaszko 

The Real Billy the Kid Documentary 
Trivia Track – Gunning for the Facts 

and Much More! 


AVAILABLE WHERE DVD AND 
VHS ARE SOLD 


ЗЛИХ Е ВАО xit JOE BOTN runt MORGAN CLE оваа TOA DAN v 
ТЕК GS EMILIO STEMT ЖЕНА SUTHERLAND LOU AMOO LES, CHA SEEN 
CARNOT ШИН CAS MAS AR CUR. JACK PALANG: ER SUP 
эги AE RAHN RA ВААУ а ИУ 
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pss! SUUM ше PL SA Fr reos HW FUSED AME Б КЕПТ 
san JOEN FUSCO ca EI CHO LA 


киләп SIR СА 


ЕН [d HEF RIA man 


PLAYBOY 


HUGH M. HEFNER 
editor-in-chief 


JAMES KAMINSKY. ARTHUR KRETCHMER editorial directors 
STEVEN RUSSELL deputy editor 
TOM STAEBLER art director 
GARY COLE photography director 
LISA CINDOLO GRACE managing editor 
ROBERT LOVE editor at large 
JOHN REZEK associate managing editor 
STEPHEN RANDALL executive editor 


LEOPOLD FROEHLICH assistant managing editor 


EDITORIAL 
FEATURES: CHRISTOPHER NAPOLITANO editor; FORUM: JAMES R. PETERSEN senior staff writer; CHI 
Rowe associate editor; PATTY LAMBERTI editorial assistant; MODERN LIVING: DAVID STEVENS editor; 
JASON BUHRMESTEN associate editor; DAN HENLEY administrative assistant; STAFF: BARBARA NELLIS 
senior editor; ALISON PRATO associate editor; ROBERT н. DESALVO, TIM MOHR, assistant editors; 
HEATHER НАЕВЕ. CAROL KUBALEK, MALINA LEE, OLGA STAVROPOULOS editorial assistants; CARTOON; 
MICHELLE URRY editor; JENNIFER THIELE assistant; COPY: BRETT HUSTON associate editor; ANAHEED 
ALANI, ANNE SHERMAN assistant editors; НЕМА SMITH senior researcher; GEORGE HODAK, BARI NASH, 
KRISTEN SWANN researchers; MARK DURAN research librarian; тім GALVIN, JOAN MCLAUGHLIN 
proofreaders; BRYAN BRAUER. BRADLEY LINCOLN assistants; CONTRIBUTING EDITORS: ASA BABER. 
KEVIN BUCKLEY, JOSEPH DE ACETIS (FASHION), GRETCHEN EDGREN, LAWRENCE GROBEL, KEN GROSS. 
WARREN KALBACKER, JOE MORGENSTERN, DAVID RENSIN. DAVID SHEFF JOHN D. THOMAS 


ART 
SCOTT ANDERSON, BRUCE HANSEN, CHET SUSKI, LEN WILLIS senior art directors; ROL WILSON associate 
art director; PAUL CHAN senior art assistant; JOANNA METZGER art assistant; CORTEZ WELLS art 
services coordinator; LORI PAIGE SEIDEN senior art administrator 


PHOTOGRAPHY 

MARILYN GRABOWSKI west coast editor; JIM LARSON managing editor; KEVIN KUSTER, STEPHANIE MORRIS 
senior editors; PATTY BEAUDET-HRANCES associate editor; RENAY LARSON assistant editor; ARNY FREYTAG. 

STEPHEN АУРА senior contributing photographers; GEORGE GEORGIOL staff photographer; 

RICHARD 1ZUL. MIZUNO. BYRON NEWMAN. GEN NISHINO, POMPEO POSAR, DAVID RAMS contributing 
photographers; вил. wire studio manager—los angeles; ELIZABETH GEORGIOU manager, 
photo library; KEVIN Симе manager, photo lab; млека ELIAS photo researcher: 
PENNY EKKERT, production coordinator 


JAMES N. DIMONERAS publisher 


PRODUCTION 
MARIA MANDIS director; RITA JOHNSON manager; JODY JURGETO. CINDY PONTARELLI, DEBBIE TILLOU 
associate managers; JOE CANE fypeseller; ВИЛ. BENWAY, SINMIE WILLIAMS prepress; 

CHAR EROWCZVR assistant 


CIRCULATION 
PHYLLIS ROTUNNO subscription circulation director 


LARRY A DJERF newsstand sales director; 


ADVERTISING. 
DIANE SILBERSTEIN associate publisher; JEFF кіммін. eastern advertising director; joe HOFFER midwest 
sales manager; HELEN BANCUL direct response manager; LISA NATALE marketing director; SUE IGOE 
director; DONNA TAVOSO Creative services 


event marketing director; JULIA LIGHT marketing service 
director; manie rinneno advertising business manager; RARA sanisky advertising coordinator; NEW 
YORK: MICHAEL BELLINGHAM, VICTORIA HAMILTON, SUE JAFFE, JOHN LUMPKIN, RON STERN; 
CALIFORNIA: DENISE SCHIPPER. COREY SPIEGEL; CHICAGO: WADE BANTER 


READER SERVICE 
MIKE OSTROWSKI correspondent. 


ADMINISTRATIVE, 
MARCIA TERRONES Tights & permissions director 


PLAYBOY ENTERPRISES INTERNATIONAL, INC. 
CHRISTIE HEFNER chairman, chief executive officer 
JAMES Р RADTKE senior vice president and general manager 


DT AY BOY'S 


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Playboy is conducting a nationwide search 
for n боф Anniversary Playmate. 


If you think you know the 21st Century girl-next-door, 
why not introduce her to us? Our editors will be touring 
Jillian's locations across the country from April 8- July 18. 
To make an appointment, call (877) 777-1953. 
For more information, log on to www.playboy.com. 


Chicago, IL May 7-8*, Houston, TX May 7-8, Memphis, TN May 14-15, 

Indianapolis, IN May 21-22, Vancouver, BC May 21-22*, Columbia, SC May 28-29, 

Toronto, ON June 4-5*, Raleigh, NC June 4-5, Norfolk, VA June 11-12, 

Miami, FL June 18-19", Farmingdale, NY June 18-19, Montreal, QE June 25-26, 

Cleveland, OH (Flats) July 2-3, Minneapolis, MN July 9-10, Denver, CO July 16-17 
"Not a Jillian's location. Go to www.playboy.com for additional location details. 

Candidates must be at least 18 years of age and bring with them two forras of personal identification, one of which must have a photo, expiration date and date of birth. 


Acceptable forms of ID are: valid driver's license, birth certificate, passport, college ID, social security card, voter's registration card or state identification card. 
All photos become the property of Playboy and will not be returned. © PLAYBOY 2003 


=” 


2 
LEAVE THE BULL BEHIND 


©2003 RURTC 


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SURGEON GENERAL'S WARNING: Smoking 


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Р | а 


COLIN'S BLARNEY 
1 just wanted to put my two cents’ 

worth in on Colin Farrell (Playboy In- 
terview, March). Even though һе can 
act, I think anyone who cannot com- 
municate even the most elementary 
thoughts or emotions without using 
the F word is a fucking moron. 

Jim Witt 

Muncy, Pennsylvania 


Colin Farrell uses the word fuck(ing) 
132 times in his interview. If the acting 
thing ever dries up, he would make a 
damn good sailor. 


Bob Hallden 
Atlanta, Georgia 
We're not so sure. His sheepshank skills 
are atrocious. 


I love you for quoting Colin Farrell 
in all his raw glory. Reading other, 
more edited interviews didn't give me 
as much of his real flavor. Cussing 
aside, he seems genuine 

Susan Shaw 

Huntington Station, New York 


1 fucking want to congratulate you 
оп your fucking interview with Colin 
fucking Farrell in the fucking March 
fucking issue. 

John Dacey 
‘Alexandria, Virginia 


RABBITS, RABBITS EVERYWHERE 
On the cover of the March issue, did 
you place two Rabbits on the model? 
‘There seems to be another one located 
in the flower around her neck. The 
ears are purple and the head is yellow. 
Dwayne Stout 
Wabash, Indiana 


JUST GAMES 


Are two Rabbits better than ane? 


Before I dive into the magazine cach 
month, I challenge my wife to find the 
hidden Rabbit on the cover. She dis- 
agrees with the clue in Cover Story, and 
I tend to agree with her. It looks as if 
the Rabbit is actually hidden in the 
flower on the woman's necklace. Are 
there two of them? 

David Swartzel 
Greenville, North Carolina 

So many readers thought they were seeing 
double that we asked Art Director Tom Stae- 
bler if he had put an additional Rabbit 
Head on the cover. He claimed to have had 
по part in the spare hare's appearance. All 
we can say is, when Rabbits are left to them- 
selves, they seem to multiply. 


ART FOR АКТ SAKE 
1 love the Olivia De Berardinis illus- 

tration of the Bettie Page-like woman 
in the March issue. Please keep them 
coming. Olivia is the female equivalent 
of Alberto Vargas. 

Bill Kelly 

Mound, Minnesota 


SNIPER TERROR 
What a great article on the D.C. 
snipers (In a Room With Madness, 
March). I live less than five miles from 
where one of the victims was shot. 
Learning that the police couldn't real- 
ly accomplish much with all their per- 
sonnel and effort left me wondering if 
I am really supposed to believe the 
government can protect me from 
more-amorphous terrorist threats. 
Sam Pett 
Falls Church, Virginia 


Wow. I just read the piece on the 
D.C. snipers and couldn't put the mag- 
azine down. 

Mike Miller 
Canton, Ohio 


Any high-powered-rifle enthusiast 
realized from the beginning that the 
so-called snipers were nothing but 
hack wannabes. 

Richard Lasseter 
Valdosta, Georgia 


ONLINE MISERY 

Lazlow's Online Treachery (March) 
misses its mark. Instead of providing 
insight into the real-life causes of play- 
er-griefing, the article treats both 
griefers and hard-core players as cor- 
ruptions. It’s another case of dismi 
ing hard-core computer gamers as 
inferior to those who choose other 
hobbies. Spending four hours a night 
watching television is not superior to 
spending six hours a night playing a 


computer game. But a game is no 
more to blame for a suicide than a 
movie is. People who kill themselves 


are unstable, unable to differen 
fact from fiction. No matter how p: 
sionate the hard-core gamer is, a stable 


te 


Sinister Net games 


player knows the fantasy world simply 
fades into irrelevance once the power 
button is pressed. 
Jaymie Esch 
Lansing, Michigan 


WE SPY 

Katrina Barillova (The Spy Who Came 
in From the Cold, March) may say she’s 
had weapons training, but the bullshit 
flag is all the way at the top of the pole 
on that. She either paid no attention 
or her good looks led her instructors 
to pass her despite a lack of progress. 
As any weapons-trained professional is 
aware, you never place your finger in- 
side the trigger guard of the weapon 
until you are ready to fire on your tar- 
get. Your weapon may be loaded and 
charged, with the hammer back and 
the safety off, but the final precaution 
is to keep your finger outside the trig- 
ger guard until it is time to fire. Also, 
for someone who professes to have 
been trained in the use of the AK-47, 
Barillova demonstrates a lack of famil- 
iarity with и. Her right-hand grip is in- 
correct, Yeah, she certainly looks hot, 


13 


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but if there's ever any real shooting, 1 
don't want her on my side 
JT. Digi 
Alexandria, Virginia 


BREAKUP 
Your useful, informative article Di- 
vorce (March) failed to mention the 
master, Mick Jagger. He claimed—and 
the courts agreed—that his marriage 
in Bali was not valid. So, when it was 
over, Jerry Hall couldn't claim the 
traditional half. 
Gregg Harris 
Roeland Park, Kansas 


QUESTIONING 20 QUESTIONS 
I am writing to respond to Juliette 

Lewis’ negative comments regarding 
tattoos (March). I found what she said 
to be surprisingly ignorant, judgmen- 
tal and pretentious. Lam a heavily tat- 
tooed, bilingual fifth-grade teacher. I 
also have a master's degree in educa- 
tional administration, run a record la- 
bel that puts out female-fronted bands, 
sing in a hard-core punk band and 
write for numerous punk zines. I seem 
to be able to find enough time for 
everything (which includes reading 
PLAVBOY) while decorating my body 
any way that 1 choose. 

Renae Bryant 

Norco, California 


PENNELOPE 
Гуе always admired the beauty of 
Latinas. Your March pictorial Latin 
TV Stars and Centerfold Pennelope 
Jimenez are muy caliente. 1 don't know 
why I deluded myself into thinking 1 
was the only one watching Telemundo 
and Univision without caring that 1 
couldn't understand the dialogue. 
Steve Brown 
Washington, D.C. 


Viva Latinas. 


Only one word can be used to de- 
scribe Miss March: Wow! I had the op- 
portunity to meet Pennelope in Hous- 
ton before 1 picked up the March 
issue. Everything about her radiated 
confidence and sensuality. 

Geoff Seminelrogge 

Houston, Texas 


Pennelope really took the chill out 
of the month of March and made me 
proud to be Mexican 
Victor Rivera 
Mexico City, Mexico 


Chris Rock was right in his Playboy 
Interview (September 1999) when he 
asked, “What's better than some wom 
ап calling you Poppy?" Thank you for 
celebrating Latin beauties. 
Michael ‘Tan 
London, England 


SPEAK NO EVIL 
Asa Baber's March Men column 
(“Hear No Evil, See No Evil, Speak No 
Evil”) is long overdue. American boys 
are either denied or dismissed. The 
sexual revolution is over and women 
won—but they've lost our young men 
Bruce Lang 
Chico, California 


I've been an avid PLAYBOY reader 
since the early days. After Вађег col- 
итп debuted in 1981, I looked for- 
ward to it every month. He has helped 
me through deaths in my family and 
couples divorcing, plus many of the 
other issues men face every day. Asa 
was diagnosed with ALS and will be 
giving up his column, so 1 want to 
thank him for being there for all of us. 
Reggie Oates 
Louisville, Kentucky 


MICHELE'S WORLD 
І was against human cloning until 1 
read the March issue. In Centerfolds on 
Sex, Michele Rogers says, “I will always 
swallow.” She even likes и on her face 
occasionally. If we could clone roughly 
10 million just like Michele, the world 
would be a better place. 
Se Smith 
Ontario, California 
We agree. Not only would your plan 
eliminate that pesky problem of the wet spot. 
but we wouldn’t have to be so careful about 
where we step at the office. 


HOW AMY RATES 
Give Amy Olds (Grapevine, March) 
an A. She's a hottie 
Ryan Foster 
Los Angeles, California 


E-MAIL DEARPB@PLAYBOY.COM Or write: 680 NORTH LAKE SHORE DRIVE, CHICAGO, ILLINOIS 60611 


LOOKING FOR 
ACTION? 


АТ SOME POINT, YOUR KIDS WILL STOP THINKING YOU’RE THI 
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КЕ 


the actress proves that 
serenity can be sexy 


© oft-spoken starlet Charlotte Ay- 

anna wants to make you believe 
in divine intervention. "My last name 
means blessed and everlasting 
bloom,” says Ayanna. Recently she 
has started to fulfill the promise 
of her name. She peeled it all off in 
Dancing at the Blue Iguana and of- 
fers the only respite from strung-out 
meth freaks in this year's dark come- 
dy Spun. But her life hasn't always 
been charmed. 41 was taken from my 
real mother when | was an infant,” 


“| never thought I'd be a 
cliché, like dating a rock 
star and living below 
the Hollywood sign.” 


she says, “and | never knew who my 
real dad was.” In 1996 Charlotte 
wrote а wellreceived book, Lost in 
the System, about her chaotic years 
in foster care. “Right now I'm writing 
а more raw and mature book about 
my life once | got out of the adoption 
system,” she says. And what a ride it 
has been. She won a teen beauty 
contest, appeared in a Ricky Martin 
video and turned to acting. "It's funny 
how one minute you're just another 
girl on the block and the next you're 
catapulted,” says Charlotte. "| nearly 
got the part of Rogue in X-Men, 
which led to parts in Kate and 
Leopold and Training Day, and peo- 
ple started noticing me.” Now single, 
Charlotte was with 60-year-old leg: 
end Robbie Robertson from the Band 
for three years. "! never thought I'd 
be а cliché,” she says, laughing, “like 
dating a rock star and living below 
the Hollywood sign. But we're all a lit- 
tle crazy out here.” 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY DAVIS FACTOR 


babe of the montn | Charlotte Ayanna 


you wanna ayanna? 


She's no С. Lo: Born in Puerto 
Rico, the 26-year-old changed 
her name from Lopez because 
it was the name of her mater- 
nal grandfather, who aban- 
doned her mother as a child. 
She is a podhead: "I never 
leave home without ту iPod. | 
have 800 songs on that puppy! 
| like a variety of musicians, 
like Soundgarden, Radiohead, 
Robbie Robertson and Sade.” 
Dream teen: Charlotte won 
the 1993 Miss Teen USA pag- 
eant in a $38 gown. “They 
give you $3000 to prepare 
but | wanted to stick it under 

my mattress.” " 
Leaving la vida loca: "I was 
surprised how little attention | 

got from being in the Ricky 
Martin video. But | was hap- 

Dy— didn't want to be known 

as the Ricky Martin Gir." 

Praise for older men: “I really 
learned a lot from Robbie. He 

taught me how to be success 

ful and still be a good person." 


afterhours ] 


...you соме the comeback Ford GT. In 1966 
the GT40 broke Ferrari's grip on Le Mans 
(coming up June 14-15). This year, Ford will 
produce just three GTs, with more to come. 


E „you're thanking God 
a for the return of the 
Међе = miniskirt. The results 
are in from the spring 
" = and summer runway 
7 shows, and the mes- 


sage to women is 
Clear: Shorter is bet- 
ter. Now pray for a. 
long, hot summer. 


„уои can't believe they're still playing hockey. 
Look outside, NHL, the ice has melted. Cut the 
Stanley Cup Finals to one game and let those 
pasty Canadian boys get some sun already. 


„уоште dreaming of 
lesbian beauty con 
tests. But clear your 
mind before this 
month's Ms. Lesbian 
UK and Ireland con- 
test—the pageant is 
not about you. It is 
so not about you. 


„уои want to bag a bridesmaid. It's open sea- 
son on misty-eyed maidens in ugly pastel dress- 
es, gowns they are dying to shuck for a taste 
of romance—or a quickie in the cloakroom. 


„yOu wish you were 
Ryan Adams. He's 
dated Winona Ryder, 
he's prickly (he once 
called Jack White of 
the White Stripes a 
"fucking ponce") and 
he's back with the 
CD Love Is Hell. 


GAN 


METE ON! 


MEET SOME SPEEDSTERS WITH REAL SPUNK 


/ 


Men will bet on anything. That's why Los Angeles-based 
chemist and artist Mike Roof is gambling that he has come up with 
the next big extreme sport: sperm racing. 

Roof has developed a method of observing, via projector, the 
world’s most primal sprint. Using donations from willing partici- 
pants, Roof isolates individual sperm samples under a microscope 
and colors them with a dye. Then he deposits the racers onto a tiny 
maze etched intoa slide mount. Placed at one end of the maze, the 
sperm instinctively race to the other end, behaving as if they are 
battling to fertilize an egg. A video unit, linked to a microscope de- 
signed for filming purposes, projects the specdy sperm onto a wall 
or screen for your wagering pleasure. First shown at an LA art 
gallery, the races generated a mixed response. Some religious 
zealots actually told him he was going to hell. “Most people loved 
it,” says Roof, who is marketing his concept as Sperm Wars. “I re- 
ceived praise from men, women and couples who took part and 
helped redefine the idea of audience participation.” 

Roof is refining his equipment, spending thousands of hours to 
create specially engineered components. He's aiming to adapt a 
version of Sperm Wars for Las Vegas, complete with odds and ас- 
companied by frenzied catcalls from the crowd (“Your mother was 
a spirochete!”). “ want to use the slogan, “The only game in town 
where you can actually bet on yourself,” he says. Ready, set, goo. 


PUCKER UP 


and she'll come back for seconds 


From the White Lotus supper club in LA 
comes the Red Apple Saketini: Combine three 
quarters of an ounce each of sake and vodka, 
an ounce and a half of Sour Apple Pucker 
schnapps (by DeKuyper), a half ounce of cran- 
berry juice, a spritz of citrus and ice in a shak- 
er. Shake, strain and serve with apple wedges. 


20 


[ afterhours 


THE CHIP HITS THE FANS 
TIME TO CASH IN ON SOME TOKENS OF APPRECIATION 


Casino chips are the new baseball cards, thanks to an army of 
high-rolling collectors. The most valuable tokens, some worth 
more than $10,000, are usually from long-defunct Vegas dens of 
iniquity such as Bugsy Siegel's Flamingo or the old Hacienda. 
(Above, the Hacienda $5 chip is worth more than $8000, while the 
Desert Inn $5 can fetch $7500.) As a гше, $100 markers are worth 
more than common 815 and $5s, but values sometimes defy logic, 
particularly if a casino destroyed its expired chips. Playboy chips, 
from our Atlantic City casino, “have become extremely coveted be- 
cause the brand name gives them dual collectibility,” says collector 
Michael Haas, known in eBay circles as Mr. Playboy Chips. Chip 
fever has been spreading fast with the help of eBay, where about 
2000 old and new chips are up for auction at any given time. 

Тһе craze has also launched a thousand new chips, as casinos 
rush to mint novelties just for collectors—such as the Hard Rock's 
chip of the Who. Allan Anderson, who edits the Casino Chip and 
Token News quarterly magazine, says that's а sucker bet. “There 
are absurd chips that say things like 1 GOT DIVORCED IN VEGAS," he 
says. “They lack history.” 


BABY GOT BACH 


TRY SOME VIOLINS BEFORE YOU FIDDLE 


a Making буу | 
fj 


You talk your way into a beauty's 
bedroom. The curtains are drawn, 
the candles lit. Then you start fum- 
bling with her Dvorák and the night 
goes to hell. The answer to your 
mood-music problems may be RCA 
Red Seal's series Love Notes, the first 
classical CDs to bear a parental advi- 
sory sticker. First up: Making Out 
to Mozart, Bedroom Bliss With Beetho- 
ven and Shacking Up to Chopin. 

OK, it’s a gimmick, but the music will still get hule Ludwig riled 
up. And future CDs are rife with possibility: We suggest Tchaikousky 
This at Home, Rump Riding With Ravel, Backdoor Brahms and Sucking 
Face to Strauss. And, for the edgier crowd, Shagging to Shostakovich. 


INTERNED OUT 


PLAYBOY INTERN JENNY HAASE’S 
RECOMMENDATION LETTER IS IN THE BAG 


PLAYBOY: What makes a good intern? 


Jenny: The key is being willing to run around and 
learn, | bust my butt and stay late, and I've made a mil- 
lion copies. Now I'm in the photo library filing stufíÍ— 
everything that's ever been in the magazine. They really 
have to trust you to lock you in there. 


PLAYBOY: Did you think the job 
might include posing nude? 


Jen NY: 1 never thought about it. 
When they asked me, 1 was completely 
flattered and in shock. I'd never mod- 
eled. | was nervous, but the people on 
the shoot were the people | see every 
day. They made it comfortable and fun. 


PLAYBOY: Any funny looks? 


Jen NY: Not at all. This is what 
PLAYBOY is all about; we're not uptight. fs 


PLAYBOY: Has working at the mag- 
azine enhanced your sex life? 


Jenny: It gives you a unique type of self-confidence. 
I feel at home with my fiance, and | would feel fine 
about going to a nude beach now. | hate tan lines. 


Black Sceptre - Swiss made 


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22 


[ afterhours 


pubic affairs 


FASHION 
HITS THE 
G SPOT 


For Euro eyes 
only. Readers of 
British Vogue 
were recently 
treated to a 
graphic new ad 
for Gucci. While 
official lips are 
sealed as to 
whether the 
Gucci coochie 
was shaved or 
Photoshopped, 
there is talk of 
selling a waxing 
kit. Should make 
for a nice box. 


EVERYBODY HA$ A PRICE 


YOUR SELF-RESPECT GOING ONCE, GOING TWICE . . . 


$ 
$ 
$ 
$ 
$ 
$ 
$ 


Would you have sex with an 80-year-old woman—with the 
lights off —for 510002 550002 510.0007 


Would you chop off your pinkie for $250,000? $750,000? 
$2 million? What about your thumb? 


Would you eat a spoonful of soiled cat litter 
for $500? $5000? If Heidi Klum promised to 
have sex with you afterward? 


What would it take for vou to stand on the 10-inch ledge of a 
60-story buildi S10? 510002 $50,000 


Would you get into the rin 
Tyson for 520,06 50,00 


lor three rounds against Mike 
00,0007 


Would you post photos of your mom having sex on the Net lor 
$25.000? $100,0002 S500,0007 What if she's with a donkey? 


I your brother turned up on America’s Most Wanted, у 1 


you sell him out lor a reward of $25,000? $10,0007 Noth 


Log on to Playboy.com and vote in the Everybody Has a Price poll. 
Results will be published in the September issue. 


stupid little list 


WORDS BESIDES “TEAM” IN WHICH THERE 
IS NO "|" 


CHEESE, LAMP, OPRAH AND YOU 


tip sheet 


WE'RE PUTTING WORDS 
IN YOUR MOUTH 


NOW YOU NO LONGER HAVE TO 
SEARCH FOR SOMETHING TO SAY 


Hasbian: A one-time lesbian who is now 
into теп—а la Anne Heche and the imagi- 
nary woman of our dreams. 


Neuromarketing technology: A new 

technique used by Atlanta consulting firm 
Brighthouse Institute for Thought Sciences. They run 
MRI scans on demographically desirable consumers 
while showing them products to determine which 
parts of their brains are stimulated by the images. 


Carbon-dated: Something that's so over as to be 
prehistoric—as in, “She's a good-looking girl, but 
her hair is carbon-dated.” 


Gurgitators: What chowhounds who compete pro- 
fessionally in those most-grub-in-the-shortest-time 
eating contests call themselves. 


Pot hunters: Neither narcs nor weed poachers 
but archaeological rustlers who loot pottery from 
ancient Native American burial sites in 
national forests and offer it for sale to 
collectors on the Net. 


Legore: Artist Brian Frisk uses small 
plastic toy blocks to create macabre 
dioramas of beheadings, crucifixions, 
dismemberments and suicides. 
It's all on his online gallery, block | 
death.com. The dead-Elvis-onthetoilet tableau 
is particularly charming. 


Qibla-Cola and Mecca-Cola: New ап Соке 
soft drinks meant to provide an alternative 
to American colas in the Muslim world. Their 
respective slogans? “Liberate your taste” and 
“Don't drink stupid, drink committed.” 


Jerry: According to The Hipster's Handbook by 
Robert Lanham, a hippie or stoner—as in, "My pits 
smell lousy. | feel like a total jerry." 


Hoochie, coochie: It's a comeback summer for 
words that have long been the poor cousins to 
cooze. Keep an ear out for Hot Action Cop's budding 
anthem, Fever for the Flava, with the couplet, "She 
got the power of the hoochie /1 got the fever for the 
flavor of the coochie." Who doesn't? 


Slavercize: Workouts for the B&D 
crowd. As practiced by New York City 
dominatrix Mistress Victoria, these in- 
LEE clude bound-and-gagged yoga, riding- 
crop aerobics and the popular fetch. 
Feel the rope burn. 


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Г introducing our newest expression, - 
THE GLENLIVET* French Oak Finish; uniquely finished 
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flavor to fine wines and cognacs: 


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eg The Glenlivet. 


40% Ale Vol. (Bo Proof), ©1005 Imported by The Distilling Company, White Plains, NY 
www.theglenlivet.com 


SIGNIFICA, 


INSIGNIFICA, STATS AND FACTS 


ћ 
Fly Girls 


Dutch polyesterphile Cliff Muskiet has 
collected more than 200 stewardess 
uniforms from various airlines world- 
wide and proudly displays them on his 
website, the appropriately named 
uniformfreak.demon.nl. 


Cutting in Line 
In 2002, U.S. airline security con- 


fiscated more than 34,000 box 
cutters from passengers. 


Confess! 
Population of Vatican City: 4 
Number of crimes (mostly 


robberies and purse snatch- a 
ings) committed there in 2002 6( 08 


The Holy See is, per inhabitant, the 
world's most crime-ridden state. 


Road 


Warriors 
40,000 


licensed Australian 

drivers suffer from 

dementia. 
1 


+ + Choe 
If the Shoe Fit 
Cobblers in the Philippines have made the 
world's largest pair of shoes: 

18 feet long, 7% feet wide and 
6 feet high. 


The cordovan leather wing tips were con- 
structed at a cost of $22,641. 


l—— = 


0 Cannaba 


The four most profitable agricultural 
sectors in Ontario (with annual revenue 
in Canadian dollars): 


(1) Dairy $1.36 billion 
(2) Cattle $ 

(3) Indoor marijuana 
(4) Hogs $958 million 


Guess which farmers don't pay taxes 


Misery, 
Company Жеў, 9 Countries With 
LIEU : Few the Fewest TVs 
stranded on ч 2 (number of units per 
an island with Docs AS 1000 people) 
опе of the Os 5% 11% 
bournes, Ameri- Chad 1 
Cons ole sui Gambia 3 
m | Malawi 3 
Ө Haiti 5 
Mozambique 5 


This month's odds, brought 
to you by Irish bookmaker 
Paddy Power: 


THE NEXT POPE 
Francis Arinze 4:1 
Joseph Ratzinger 12:1 
Miroslav Vik 16:1 
MICHAEL JACKSON'S NEXT MOVE 
Have or adopt another child 5:4 
Marry again 4:1 
Do another Martin Bashir interview 12:1 
Legally change name to Peter Pan 50:1 


Marketing Terror 

Safer America sells products that promote 
“Homeland Security" and “Peace of Mind." 
For instance, its "High-Rise Kit”: 


arachute? 
г Escape рет chute 


G 1 
| = sk 


[1 New NBC PRO Ер 


"Package |, 
ўз potassi 
potas 


7 
p | 


His stare is withering. His alm deadly. 
Nobody compares to Clint Eastwood — 


~ à the long, lean sharpshooter who rules the 
> West with fierce, double-barreled justice. 


TRE 6088, THE BAD AND THE GLY [s WANG ТИ MSN СС-а]. А ЕИ OF DOLLARS [EEL FOR A FEW DOLLARS MORE BEI: © 2003 MGM Hime Estertalement LLE. All Rights Reserved. 


Є. spend days flying on wires, she was spared the blue full- 
Hu: Dead! 


she tie her own sho villain Mystique. “Thankfully, | look like a fairly normal per- 


Х2 


X marks the start of summer movie season. 


X-Men lit the fuse of ће superhero-movie boom three sum- 
mers ago, but after the success of Spider-Man and Holly- 
wood's rush to throw every do-gooder in tights onto the 
silver screen, this month's sequel can't afford to rest on its 
laurels. So while returning director Bryan Singer keeps the 
high-minded message (tolerance of even the freakishly dif- 
ferent) firmly in focus, expect upgrades in action and pac 
ing, and for Professor X, Wolverine, Storm and the gang to 
be joined by a slew of new mutants 

“Now that the premise is nailed down, the sequel devel. 
ops relationships and takes stories further,” says Kelly Ни, 
the lithesome actress portray- 


ing Deathstrike, minion of “They wanted 
a former military commander 


who leads an invasion of our the fighting to 
heroes’ mutanttraining acade- |ook quick and 
my. “And the fighting is cooler. А ” 
They wanted it to look quick VICIOUS. 
and vicious. My character is a 
mutant like Wolverine, but I'm an advanced version, While he 
has three claws, | have five sprouting out of my fingertips.” 
Although her showdown with Wolverine required Hu to 


body makeup Rebecca Romijn-Stamos endures as slinky 


son,” says Hu. “Or as normal as a mutant can look.” (May 2) 


Envy | 

ler, Jack Bl. el Chi 
Masters of hip comedy Stiller and Black play ‘best Dale, until 
flaky Black invents Vapoorizer, a spray that makes dog poop 
disappear. As Black's fortune grows, Stiller, who scoffed at a 
chance to invest, becomes consumed by jealousy. 


Our сай: He who laughs last . . 
might be watching this revenge 
tale. Given Envy's quirky cast 
and premise, the Hulk isn't the 
only green-eyed monster to see 
this summer, 


Bruce Almighty 


п Carrey, Jennife 


Ј А п) We thought 
dissing God was а bad idea, but when TV reporter Bruce Nolan 
gets blasphemous after a bad day, the fed-up deity hands over 
all his powers and responsibilities for a week. Bruce's best 
miracle: Making Aniston's breasts bigger. Praise the lord. 


Our call: Casting a ham of such 
biblical proportions as Carrey 
seems obvious, but the sight 
gags will keep us in our pews. 
Hmm: Doesn't Carrey already 
wield more power than God? 


Daddy Day Care 


рну 


а Huston) Murphy violates 
the rule about never acting with children—big time—by play- 
ing a downsized exec who starts his own rugrat-care center. 
When Murphy's wacky methods prove popular, the diaper hits 
the fan in the form of a rivalry with a chic crosstown baby mill. 


Our call: Murphy's dire need of 
а hit is flipping him back into 
family-comedy mode, but we'd 
rather watch a documentary on 
the making of Pluto Nash than 
endless potty-training jokes. 


The | In-Laws 

Е оок5) In a loose remake of a crimi- 
nally "overlooked 1979 laugher, Brooks plays a mild-mannered 
podiatrist and father of the bride who suspects that his poten- 
tial in-laws are international smugglers. Hilarity and adventure 
ensue, not necessarily in that order. 


Our call: The original's stars, 
Peter Falk ага Alan Arkin, were 
а match made in comedy heav- 
en. We doubt Brooks and Doug- 
las have the chemistry to turn 
this into another classic. 


27 


28 


reviews [ movies 


CI 


[ THE SEQUELS STRIKE BACK ] 


ll reruns? You'll love this year’s big movies. By Richard Roeper 


Walk into your local multiplex on 
any given weekend this summer, and 
chances are you'll meet up with a 
familiar friend: Arnold Schwarze- 
negger as a time-tripping cyborg try- 
ing to save the world; Reese Wither- 
spoon as a not-so-ditzy blonde lawyer 
charming her way through the judicial 
system; Drew, Cameron and Lucy tak- 
ing another dangerous assignment 
from the mysterious Charlie. 

Sequels are pouring into theaters 
at an appalling rate this year, with 
some two dozen follow-ups slated for 
release. Titles range from the highly 
anticipated Matrix films to the antici- 
pated-by-nobody Final Destination 2, 
which vanished faster than it takes to 
ask, “How can there be a second final 
destination?” Of course, most sequels 
have names that are even less imag- 
inative than their plots. Just picture 
the brainstorming sessions that pro- 
duced such titles as The Whole 
10 Yards and 2 Fast 2 Furious. Or 
Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle, which 
sounds more like a movie starring 
Ron Jeremy than starring Bernie Mac. 

Why the outbreak of sequel-itis? 
They're safe. They require little cre- 
ativity. And they are profitable. In 
2001, seven of the top 12 highest 
grossing films were sequels or re- 
makes; in 2002, five of the top 10 
were sequels. There could be even 
more in the top 10 this year, with 
such blockbusters as Terminator 3, 
the X-Men sequel, the Charlie's 


art house 


Angels entry and the third installment 
of The Lord of the Rings. 

With films like Legally Blonde and 
Bad Boys, the material was pretty thin 
in the first place, so we don't expect 
much from the next chapter. In fact, 
sequels rarely offer more than a sec- 
ond-rate echo, as the routines rapidly 
lose their charm (see the Lethal 
Weapon franchise). But films such as 
The Matrix Reloaded and The Lord 
of the Rings: The Return of the King 


offer hope, as they're not so much se- 
quels as new installments in a saga. 
Like The Godfather: Part Il, they be- 
come worthy companion pieces and, 
with the original works, are regarded 
as one great epic. That will likely nev- 
er be the case with Bad Boys Il. 


Owning Mahowny 
Philip Seymour Hoffman's 
aptitude for playing sym- 
pathetic schlubs makes 
this true story of a Toron- 
to banker who embezzled 
millions all the more har- 
rowing. Scenes with Ma- 
howny's girlfriend edge 
into soap territory, but his 
co-dependent bond with a 
slick casino baron pro- 
duces a crackerjack study 
of compulsive behavior. 
—Graham Robinson 


BASIC John Travolta is a hired gun called in to 
interrogate a soldier after a military exercise goes 
wrong. Everyone involved is hiding something, 
including the screenwriter. The final twists 
are unsatisfying because the audience is hood- 
winked once too often. YY 


MTV Films 
acquired this potent little movie after a smashing 
Sundance debut. Its stark, unsentimental look at 
the amorality of a group of Asian American high 
school kids in southern California is sure to get 
people talking. ЕРІ 


CONFIDENCE Edward Burns is a grifter who 
is forced to orchestrate a con job to repay the 
топеу that he scammed from slimy crime boss 
Dustin Hoffman. This drama 15 never as surpris- 
ing, or satisfying, as it seems to think it is. Andy 
Garcia and Rachel Weisz also star. yy 


Billy Bob Thornton plays a murderer 
who has served his sentence—20-plus years— 
and must leave the safe haven of the penitentiary 
to return to normal life. Kirsten Dunst, Morgan 
Freeman and Holly Hunter co-star in director Ed 
Solomon's thoughtful look at guilt, blame and 
responsibility. УУУ 


RAISING VICTOR VARGAS This dia- 
mond-in-the-rough movie follows a cocky Latino 
teenager from New York who fancies himself a 
lady-killer. Its unexpected intimacy is a tribute to 
the skill of director Peter Sollett and his aston- 
ishing cast of nonprofessionals. УУУ 


Michael and 
Kirk Douglas have finally made a movie together, 
along with Michael's son Cameron. But this 
multigenerational story about family—and other 
bumpy—telationships is self-consciously cute 
and heavy-handed. 


THE SHAPE OF THINGS Rachel Weisz 
unpredictably responds to Paul Rudd's awkward 
advances and a relationship blossoms—but 
since this is a Neil LaBute film (In the Company 
of Men, Your Friends and Neighbors), you know 
there's got to be а hitch . . . and that it won't be 
pretty. Gretchen Mol co-stars. YY) 


|2212: Gwyneth Paltrow, 
Christina Applegate and Kelly Preston are great 
to look at, but this fairy-tale story of an unso- 
phisticated girl who dreams of finding glamour 
and fulfillment as a flight attendant is a surpris- 
ingly bland Sixties’ Hollywood homage without 


the satiric edge it needs. YY 


Don't miss Worth a look 


Good show Forget it 


2003 The Gillete Company 


IEW! Capsules 
Ө “Extra Power 


1 Ew у Gillette Series Pera Сар Ps N 
weakthrough odor- -fighting isk, 
гап cause dangerous Overconfiden, 
th the opposite sex. If sudden success 
females causes swelling of the head, 
see physician immediately. If head is too 
| Swollen to fit in car door, call for an 
‘mergency vehicle with those double 
«UIS that Swing open pretty dam wide 


x: doesn't work, tryacold shot 


Gillette. The Best а Man Can Got” 


reviews [ music 


cd of the month 


[ ЧМР BIZKIT-BIPOLAR ] 


Is the new Bizkit rising, or just flaky? 


Has Fred Durst met his hardrock 
Waterloo? First came the abrupt 
desertion of Bizkit guitarist Wes 
Borland, then Durst's dalliance with 
Britney Spears threatened his nu- 
metal reputation. (Doing it all for 
the nookie 15 one thing, but Britney 
doesn't exactly ooze street cred.) 
But Durst refuses to apologize on 
the appropriately named Bipolar, 
which represents a step forward for 
the band. The rap-metal crunch of 
Armpit and Crack Addict will keep 
fans moshing (and lines like “Tell 
"ет stop at Hef's house/and pick 
up some Playmates” amuse us), 
but it's the acoustic kick of Build a 
Bridge and a surprising trip-hop 
take on Behind Blue Eyes (yes, 
that one) that prove rock's loudest- 
barking dog still has some bite. 
(Interscope) ¥¥¥ —Рап Catalano 


BUZZCOCKS «Buzzcocks 

Manchester's rebels never attained the 
fame of contemporaries the Clash or the 
Sex Pistols, and maybe that's why they're 
still around to teach punk wannabes how 
its done. This self-titled release, their first 
in four years, bursts with energetic, 
catchy anthems, and 
you're left sweaty 
and wanting more. 
Young turks, take 
note: There is a lot 
to be said for stay- 
ing power. (Merge) 
¥¥¥ — —Alison Prato 


YEAH YEAH YEAHS +» Fever To Tell 
This garage punk trio has ranked among 
the hottest live acts in New York City 
since the Strokes graduated from the 
Sticky-floor circuit. Their debut major-label 
release kicks off in a torrent of jittery en- 
ergy, but by mid-album front woman Karen 
O masters the swagger. The frenzied 
pace slackens on- 
ly for Maps, a love 
song that any man 
would lick the stage 
at CBGB's to have 
sung to him. (Inter 
scope) ¥¥¥ 

—Jason Buhrmester 


PORCH GHOULS « Bluff City Ruckus 

Porch Ghouls’ stripped groove is akin to 
the new-school juke of the White Stripes, 
but it takes its blues clues from the 
legacy of the Ghouls’ hometown— 
Memphis. The slide guitar is particu- 
larly menacing, and the band’s stickman 


whomps a suitcase 
in lieu of a bass @ BEEN SS 
drum. It's no wonder [AE 


Aerosmith's Joe 
Perry signed them 
to his new imprint. 
(Roman/Columbia) 
wy —Tim Mobr 


CHRIS WHITLEY • Hotel Vast Horizon 
Throughout a career defined by restless- 
ness, blues provocateur Whitley has been 
best when his music is stripped to its ba- 
sics. Hotel is about as pure and elemental 
as you can get. Whitley's stark guitar is 
accompanied only by drum and bass, 
leaving room for his haunting voice. This 
is his most pow- 
erful music since 
1998's Dirt Floor. 
It's a breakthrough 
for an underrecog- 
nized artist. (Mes- 
senger) YYYY 
—Leopold Froehlich 


[ THE LAW CALLING ] 


We asked San Diego punk 
rockers Unwritten Law to check 
in from the road. Note to selves: 
Never give home number to 
raucous band. 


Sunday, 10:14 .m.—Washington, D.C. 
Scott Russo, singer: “We just played 
for 67,000 people. Crazy. After the 
show, someone showed up with coke. 
We're never looking for shit—shit al- 


ways finds us. Rock and roll is sud- 
denly full of si: I'm not an addict. 
I'm а fan of experimentation. I'll try 
anything twice. Maybe three times." 


Saturday, 3:13 вм—Рана5 

Steve Morris, guitarist: “I'll have a 
beer before I go onstage, but I can't 
play drunk. All it takes is that first beer 
and, ‘See ya.’ Next thing you know, 
you're plastered and naked with no 
clue why.” 


Tuesday, 2:15 вм.—Тогото 

Wade Youman, drummer: “I took sev- 
еп Prozacs this morning. | heard 
they take a month to work, but 1 

feel happy. We did karaoke 

last night. | sang Pat 

Benatar's Hit Me With 

Your Best Shot, _ 

but I changed it # 

to Fuck Me With 

Your Big Cock. I've 

been racking up the 

phone-sex bills—it 

gets expensive, man. 

I've gotten laid a few 

times lately. I'm the 

only single one. This chick Penny in 
D.C. was great. Kelly Osbourne was 


like, ‘If you do that gi 
you.’ Kelly thinks I'm psycho. So 1 
waited for her to go to bed and I pene- 
trated Penny.” 


'm gonna kill 


went swimming in а canal on 
mushrooms and four hits of ecstasy. I 
did а swan dive and lost my wallet. 
1 loved everything and everybody for 
eight hours. European girls are hot. 
Not in London, though. Their teeth are 
fucked up.” —Alison Prato 


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32 


reviews | games 


[ ENTER THE MATRIX 


The first Matrix game lives up to the hype. Whoa. 


What's Enter the Matrix? (Infogrames, Р52, Xbox, GameCube, РС) Easy, it's the 
first video game based on the hit science fiction movie franchise. No mere block- 
buster cash-in, the game is produced, directed and scripted by Matrix honchos 


the Wachowski brothers, and 
includes one hour of exclusive 
film footage. Since there 15 
only one “the One,” you play 
as either Ghost or Niobe on a 
quest to deliver a special key 
to Neo. The game's seven mis- 
sions provide nearly nonstop 
martial arts showdowns with 
agents, and the trademark 
“bullet time” effect lets you 
dodge випћге and run up walls. 
Somehow the plot ties into the 
first movie, The Matrix Re- 
loaded and The Animatrix, a 
series of nine animated shorts 
available online. Confused? 
Think how lost Keanu Reeves 
must Бе. ¥¥¥¥ —Јоћп Gaudiosi 


MIDTOWN MADNESS 3 (Microsoft, 
Xbox) You could grind your gears through 
Washington, D.C., but since this new 
racing game's other cityscape option 15 
Paris, we think you'll do what we did: 
Jump behind the wheel of 30 different 
vehicles ranging from a Mini Cooper to a 
garbage truck and crash through outdoor 
cafes. Though watching Frenchies scatter 
is fun, not being 
allowed to run 
over any beret 
wearers is more 
frustrating than a 
traffic jam. ұу 
Jason Buhrmester 


GLADIUS (LucasArts, PS2, Xbox, бате: 
Cube) This gladiator game took a lesson 
from the WWE: Toss in enough scantily 
clad Amazons and the loincloths seem 
less creepy. You still strip down and oil up, 
but at least you're armed as you travel 
with a team of warriors, doling out death 
with broadswords and spells. The game's 
20 arenas are loaded with lion traps, pits 
and other nasty 
surprises to keep 
the action fresh 
when killing for 
the emperor's ap- 
proval grows te- 
dious.¥¥ = —S.S. 


MACE GRIFFIN BOUNTY HUNTER 
(Black Label, PS2, Xbox, GameCube) In 
this futuristic world, hip-hop mogul isn't 
the only career option available to ex- 
cons. Mace Griffin chose bounty hunter, 
a vocation that lets him hunt the jerks 
who falsely convicted him of killing his 
special ops comrades. An ingenious 
control system shitts seamlessly be- 
tween airborne 
vehicular battles 
and on-foot ac- 
tion. No riding 
the alien super- 
cattle. ¥¥¥ 

Scott Steinberg 


RETURN TO CASTLE WOLFEN- 
STEIN: TIDES OF WAR (Activision, 
Xbox) Think you deserve a little R&R 
after fighting on the frontlines of great 
WWII games like Medal of Honor and 
Battlefield 1942? Tough beans, soldier, 
Your new orders are to infiltrate Heinrich 
Himmler's secret Nazi laboratory, an en- 
vironment so graphically rich you may 
feel bad about... 

machine-gun- (> 

ning his mutant 8 

army. Sorry, war 

does strange 

things to a man. 

yyy AB. 


[ NINJA SEE THAT? | 


She's as pretty as a geisha, but 
don't count on a happy ending. 


NAME: Ayame 


МЕ: Tenchu: Wrath of Heaven 
(Activision, PS2) 


MIS N: To assist her partner Riki- 
maru in stopping a wicked sorcerer 
and his six dark lords from attaining a 
powerful sword in Japan, circa 1570. 


A LEG UP: So what if she runs 
like a girl? Trained as а ninja 
assassin since childhood, 
‘Ayame sneaks up on her prey 
and quietly takes him down 
with her favorite twin knives. 
She's also more acrobati 
than her male рапле 
enabling her to pull of 
a headspin attack 
that makes us 
want to enter 4 
her in а break-dancing contest. 


ARSENAL: Among her weapons 
are throwing stars, exploding 
arrows, swords, poison rice and 
a whistle designed to convince 
gullible guards that a wayward 
panda—definitely not a cute as- 
sassin—is rustling in the bushes. 
And if the whole stealth thing does 
not pan out, Ayame can disappear 
in a hail of fireworks. 


COSTUME Ct Black may be 
her favorite color, but you can unlock 
a hot red armor outfit. 


NICE MOVE: You'll wish you were the 
lucky foo! she leaps on and wraps her 
legs around—at least until she neatly 
breaks his neck. 


Neuros M ($250) Looking 
for something to wipe the self-satisfied 
smirk off an iPod devotee's 

face? Try the Neuros, a 

portable MP3 player 

that broadcasts your 


an FM radio. Or record 
а sample to its 128 
MB memory and have 
the device identify 
the song via the In- 
ternet. An optional 
20 GB hard drive 
add-on ($400) ex- 
pands storage to 
5000 tracks. 


WHERE AND HOW TO BUY ON PAGE 158. 


Jr. (DiCaprio) leaves his divorc- 
ing parents and stumbles into a 
con artist's life. He impersonates 
an airline pilot, a doctor and a 
lawyer, all the while honing his 
real talent—check kiting. Tom 
Hanks is solid as the С-тап on 
Abagnale's trail, and Christopher 
Walken adds emotional depth as 
his father. DVD extras: a behind- 
the-camera peek at the 56-day 
production, an in-depth look at 
the real Frank Abagnale Jr. (who 
served as a consultant on the 
film) and an FBI perspective on 
tracking bank fraud and paper- 
hanging crimes. One sad omis- 
sion? A section on how to get 
away with it.¥¥¥ — —John Rezek 


н 


7 А соп artist's tale that's no sham. Trust из. ~ 
Leonardo DiCaprio went toe-to-toe with himself this past holiday season when this Spiel- 
berg movie opened a week later than Martin Scorsese's Gangs of New York. It seems 


audiences were more interested in seeing him as а 1960s grifter than as an 18605 
street fighter. Catch stylishly tells the true story of a real fake. At 17, Frank Abagnale 


ZULU (1964) Michael Caine burst onto the 
scene in this celebrated military epic, the 
tale of 100 British soldiers defending a 
remote outpost in Africa from attack by 
more than 4000 Zulu warriors in 1879. It's 
а ripping good tale that tips its sword to 
Britain's imperialist past, not that there's 
anything right with that. The politically in- 
correct perspective may be one reason 
why it took so long to produce a DVD from 

a decent print of 
the film. Extras: ex: 
y 

у 


A 
Keep a stiff up- Y 
per lip because, ту и 
sadly, there are по e у 
significant bonus Y 
features. ууу Е 


—Gregory Р. Fagan 


ANALYZE THAT (2002) Mafia comedy An- 
alyze This made too much money not to 
have a sequel, even if it was an offer movie- 
goers could refuse. This time Mob boss 
Robert De Niro fakes psychosis and is re- 
leased from prison into the custody of his 
shrink, Billy Crystal, and the chase is on to 
find out who's trying to whack the don and 
take over his family. The movie reunites De 
Niro with Cathy Mo- 
папу, his co-star 
from Raging Bull. 
(This time Cathy 
gained the weight.) 
Extra: a test to 
see if you're Mob- 
worthy.¥¥ —LR. 


25TH HOUR (2002) Prison-bound New 
York City drug dealer Edward Norton re- 
views his wrong turns during a long, final 
day of freedom in this moody Spike Lee 
effort. Although the book on which 25th 
Hour is based was written before Septem- 
ber 11, 2001, the terrorist attacks rever- 
berate throughout the film, which includes 
a poignant scene at ground zero with 
Norton and his friends (played by Philip 
Seymour Hoff- 
man and Barry 
Pepper). Extras: 
deleted scenes; 
Lee and writer 
David Benioff of- 
fer commentar- 
ies¥¥% — —G.F 


THE MISSION (1986) Jeremy Irons is a 
17505 missionary who has devoted him- 
self to the South American rain forest In- 
dians. Robert De Niro is a mercenary who 
captures those Indians and sells them into 
Slavery—until he has a change of heart. 
Roland Joffe's waterfall-rich visual feast, 
with a screenplay by Robert Bolt and hyp- 
notic music by Ennio Morricone, is beauti- 
fully reproduced. 
Extras: a feature- 
length commen- 
tary by Joffe and 
film highlights 
from the cast, the 
director and the 
writer. YY —J.R. 


[ FILM SCHOOL ] 
This month's lesson: all you need to 
know to watch film noir. 


Film noir is French for black film, but dark 
film more accurately describes the gritty 
genre that made its mark in the Forties 
and Fifties. Bad people in worse circum- 
stances. Dames who can't be trusted. 
Clouds of cigarette smoke, shadows cast 
by streetlights and seething jazz in minor 
keys, please. At the center is an antihero, 
a guy who—like hard-boiled private dick 
Humphrey Bogart in The Maltese Fal- 
con—doesn't see all 
the cards but plays 
his hand anyway. 
In classic film noir, 
these elements 
combine with visu- 
al and aural tropes 
to create a sense of 
life's seamy side, 
while the storytell- 
ing focuses on the 
inner workings of 
the subconscious in 
Ways that Were ір- 
nored in earlier films. 
Postwar audiences 
welcomed these 
stylized forays into 
the lives of cynical 
people teetering on 
the brink of moral 
bankruptcy. And we 
still love them, es- 
pecially landmarks 
(1950), which finds Ed- 
with only a few days left to 
live, searching for the person who fatally 
poisoned him. It's not hard to connect the 
dots from O'Brien's dead man walking to 
Guy Pearce's memory-challenged protag- 
onist in the 2000 art-house smash Me- 
mento. Additional home study: Double In- 
demnity (1944), The Third Man (1949), The. 
Postman Always Rings Twice (1946).—G.F. 


O'Brien: D.O.A. 


There are greater thrills in John Franken- 
heimer's The Gypsy Moths (1969) than the 
aerial stunts involving barnstorming sky 
divers Gene Hackman and Burt Lancaster. 
In the midst of all this free-falling, neglected 
Kansas housewife Deborah Kerr takes up 
with Lancaster and (at about 2238 on our 
DVD counter) ends up naked and in the 
clinch with him— 
a full 16 years 
after their more 
famous roll in the 
sand in From 
Here To Eternity. 
We'd jump out of 
a plane for that. 


33 


reviews [ books 


book of the month 


[LOST LIGHT*MICHAEL CONNELLY] 


The Harry Bosch series takes a mysterious turn. 


Best-selling mystery novelist Michael Con- 
nelly doesn't have to belly up to the craps 
table to prove his gambler's cred. In Lost 
Light, a West Coast-based thriller that takes 
a few side trips to the Las Vegas casinos, 
Connelly rolls the dice with his long-running 
Harry Bosch series. Not only does Harry 
trade in his LAPD badge for a private eye 
license, but for the first time the semide- 
pressed sleuth tells the tale in his own voice. 
It's a hard-boiled piece in which Harry's 
determined probing of an almost-forgotten 
unsolved murder pits him against friends 
and foes in the police department and 
overzealous antiterrorist feds. There's also 
a final big surprise designed to further 
shake up the series. Does the change-of- 
format gamble pay off? In spades, with 
Connelly's taut yarn-spinning as well as a 
new introspective look at his complex hero. 
It adds up to a big win for old and new read- 
ers alike. (Little, Brown) ¥¥¥}4—Dick Lochte 


av THE BESTSELLING AUTHOR or cry or 5 


VILLA INCOGNITO * Tom Robbins 

The first 37 pages of this book are a 
Buddhistlike tale about a tanuki, an ani- 
mal from Japanese folklore. It’s not as 
bad as it sounds. The tanuki likes to eat, 
get drunk and get laid. Once you get past 
this, Robbins does what he does best— 
tells funny stories about bizarre charac- 
ters. His eighth novel interweaves seem- 
ingly disconnected plots about a traveling 
circus, the tanuki's human daughter and 
three American МІАѕ who chose to remain 


missing in Laos to sell morphine to clin- 
ics. When one gets nabbed by intelligence 
agents, the others flee through the dregs 
of Asia. Part of the fun of reading this 


rambling story is figuring о. 
out who's a bad guy and ТОМ ROBBINS 
who's a good guy. Villa um: Es 
Incognito can't breathe | Же 

the air of Even Cowgirls E A 
Get the Blues, but it's an 
entertaining read. (Ban- 
tam) ұуу--Райу Lamberti 


BORN TO STEAL: WHEN THE MAFIA 
HIT WALL STREET + Gary Weiss 
At first glance, this true story exposing 
the links between organized crime and 
the stock exchange (which started with 
a Business Week article) would seem to 
be а page-turner. But what could have 
been a riveting cross between The So- 
pranos and Boiler Room—a wild ride 
involving money, debauchery and de- 
ception—doesn't deliver on your invest- 
ment. Louis Pasciuto, a gas station min- 
поп tapped by the Mob to implement 
its Wall Street schemes, tells a lacklus- 
ter tale, which hasn't 
stopped Hollywood: 
The upcoming film 
stars Mark Wahlberg. 
For once, the movie 
may be better than the 
book. (Bantam) УХ 
—Alison Prato 


STAGOLEE SHOT BILLY * Cecil Brown 
In a St. Louis tavern on Christmas night 
in 1895 Lee Shelton (a pimp also known 
as Stack Lee) killed William Lyons in a 
fight over a hat. There were other mur- 
ders that night, but this one became the 
stuff of legend. Songs based on the 
event soon spread out of whorehouses 
and ragtime dives across the country. 
Within 40 years, Stagolee had evolved 
into a folk hero, a symbol of rebellion 
for black American 
males. With commend- 
able scholarship and 
thoroughness, Brown 
shows how we got 
from murder to myth. 
(Harvard) ¥¥¥ | 

—Leopold Froehlich № 


навои exor my 


library of | 


REVENGE + Ellen von Unwerth 
There's not much to the story line, but a 
lot to von Unwerth's photos. The Ger- 
man photographer, whose provocative 
work has appeared in such glossies as 
British Vogue and Vanity Fair, began as 
а knifethrower's assistant in a circus. 
That bravado is ap- 
parent in her sexy 
black-and-white im- 
ages—a baroness, 
her stepdaughters, 
water, masks, a 
little S&M here, a 
little B&D there. 
Typical family life. 
(Twin Palms) ¥¥¥ 
—Barbara Nellis 


Revenge 


3 : 


STPAULIGIRL.COM 


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i 


ША. Foundation for entertainment center. 


ШЕ В. Foundation for house. 


YOU'LL KNOW WHEN YOU'RE READY FOR GERMANY'S FUN-LOVING BEER. 


THE BRIDE WORE NOTHING— 
WELCOME TO THE WORLD’S 
LARGEST NUDE WEDDING 
Besides saving a bundle on tuxedo 
rental, why would anyone want 10 get 


hitched in the buff? To 
flesh out the answer, we ¿ 
accepted an invitation 
from 29 couples who 
shed tradition, and their 
clothes, for the world's 
largest nude wedding 
Тһе ceremony took place 
at—where else?—Hedo- 
nism HI in Jamaica and 
even included clothing- 
free bachelor and bache- 
lorette parties. We spoke 
to nudist newlyweds Bur- 
nam Hudson and his 
bride, Caddis, who per- 
suaded him to carry her 
buck naked across the 
threshold. Now, that gives 
new meaning to the word 
honeymoon. 

PLAYBOY: Was the minister 
nude, too? 

cappis; No, but he and his 
wife are nudists. They're 
from Florida, where he's 
part of the Universal Life 
church. He's been arrest- 
ed for being nude. 
praysov: What's the best part of partici- 
pating in a nude wedding? 

CADDIS: There's not much to think about 
besides the veil and the bow tie. 
PLAYBOY: Surely there аге grooming 
issues to consider 

саррів: For brides, full pubic hair is not 
kosher. It's trendy to be neat down 
there. It’s happening more with men, 


THE DO'S AND DON'TS 
OF NUDE NUPTIALS 


1. Moke sure the only rolls on the table 
ore the edible kind. 

2. Hire a clothed gal to jump out of the 
bochelor ропу coke. 

3. Match the corpet to the drapes. 

4. Trim your thighbrows. 

5. In cose of erection, picture yourself 


getting hitched to Rosie O'Donnell. 


DON’T: 


1. Brog about seeing the bride naked. 
Everybady hos. 

2. Insist on doing the hokey-pokey. 

3. Kiss the bride’s mother while storing 
at her knockers. 

4. Seat your guests on vinyl-covered 
church pews. 

5. Store the rings in “a very sofe place.” 


too. I've seen a guy with his pubic hair 
shaved into a heart. 

PLAYBOY: Do you eat in the nude? 

cappis: Why not? There's a grill on the 
nude side of the resort. We also play vol- 
leyball nude, and 
I'ma fan of nude 
oil wrestling with 
other women. 
PLAYBOY: What if 
a guy gets a sur- 
prise erection? 
BURNAM: No one 
pays attention. If 


тлувоу: When did you first take off all 
of your clothes in public? 

BURNHAM: A year ago. Nudists share a 
bond. We're more free. 

cappis: I started at a bachelorette party 
at a dub in Cincinnati. We were so hot 
from dancing that we took off our 
clothes. We figured they couldn't arrest 
all of us, and they didn't. 

PLAYBOY: How do you stay warm during 
the winter? 

CADDIS: Fires and hot tubs. 

PLAYBOY: Is there jealousy within the 
nudist community? 


you get one, you just move on. 
PLAYBOY: Does being a nudist enhance 
your sex life? 

BURNAM: Yes. The atmosphere is so re 
laxed that you're automatically turned 
on. The entertainment at Hedonism Ш 
is all about sex. Last night there was an 
orgasm contest 


your piece.” 


сарриѕ: Not with us, because if one wants 
to leave, there's the door. My friend's 
husband said before we came here, “I 


would take off my clothes if I were in 
shape, but I would want to look better 
than everybody else.” I'm like, who 
cares? No nudist is trying to be the cen- 
ter of attention. It's just a big party. 


THINGS OVERHEARD ATA NUDE WEDDING 


“И anyone here objects to this union, please speak now or forever held 


huunayli “Наз anyone seen the breast mon?" 
Ve е} “WA tip the bartender, but I can't find my wallet.” 


“Far better or worse, for richer or paarer, in toutness and in cellulite. .....” 
“No doubt about it—he is his father’s son.” 
“Please raise your asses—I meon, yaur glasses.” 
“Who ever heard of personalized tea bags as a party favor?” 


"With this cock ring, | thee wed. 
"| now pronounce you penis and wife.” 
“Ow—that rice really hurts!” 


For more naughty nuptials, 
don't forget to watch Sex- 
cetera’s coverage af the 
world’s largest nude wedding 
on Playboy TV. To find cut. 
when Sexcetera airs, click an 
playboytv.com. 


TURN UP THE 


Get Tricky With It! 


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CHECK OUT ZIPPOCLICK.COM, THE ZIPPO LIGHTER COLLECTORS CLUB. 


38 


DALE EARNHARDT JR.'S 
PLAYMATE PIT STOP 


Lucky bastard. That was the 
underlying tone of the press 
coverage regarding Nascar 
bad boy Dale Earnhardt |1/5 
stint as a guest Playboy.com 
photographer. His nude shoot 
with Erica, Nicole and Jaclyn 
Dahm—a.k.a. Misses Decem- 
ber 1998—was touted every- 
where from Sports Illustrated to 
The Boston Globe. Earnhardt 


told one reporter, “I don't 
know which is more fun— 
hanging out with Playmates or 
driving a race car. 1 haven't 
seen all the pictures, but who 
knows? Maybe 1 can do this 
when I retire as a driver.” Just 
before he won this year's Day- 
tona 500, Michael Waltrip was 
asked about Junior’s side job: 
“There is one reason he would 
agree to be a photojournalist: 
if there were three girls in- 
stead of one,” Waltrip said. The photos 
reportedly gave Nascar chairman Bill 
France Jr. whiplash. According to one ar- 
ticle, “When a reporter slid a laptop in 
front of France and asked for comment 
on Earnhardt's extracurricular activities, 
France said, with an arched eyebrow, 
“Interesting. I have no other comment.” 


DALE'S TOP STREET CARS 


1. 1967 Camaro. 
This mother runs 
as good as it looks. 


2. 2002 Corvette. May be the coolest 


cor ever. A babe magnet. 


3. Ferrari F335. One look and you're 
hooked. 


4. 2000 Lamborghini Diablo GT. My 
day's coming to drive one of these. 


REASONS TO DATE AN INDIE ROCK CHICK 


For every Britney, Shakira and Sheryl, there's 
a little-known indie musician with kinky-as- 
hell stage antics. Here, find out why you 
should date one, then vote for the hottest in- 
die rock chick at playboy.com/indie. 

(1) It's cool to introduce a girl with a last 
name like Auf Der Maur. 

(2) On Behind the Music, she'll talk about 
how she chected on you with the Strokes. 
(3) She has her own van. 

(4) Your friends ask you which Donna sho is. 
(5) You get to describe her music as "about, 
like stuff." 

(6) You awake to the smell of vintage clothes. 
(7) She'll get your name tottooed on her 
thigh—right under the names of her last 
three boyfriends. 

(B) She's not above going cowboy. 

(9) Two words: clit ring. 

(10) If her guitar licks ore any indication, 
yov're in for a hell of a blow job. 


DALE'S TOP 
CDS FOR DRIVING 


1. Pink Floyd —The Wall. 
Anyone who doesn't like 
Pink Floyd should get out 
of the car. 

2. Third Eye Blind—Third 
Eye Blind. It's greot from 
start to finish. 

3. Tim McGraw—Great- 
est Hits. | can’t decide 
why I listen to this—be- 
couse of the music or 
because he’s married to 
Faith Hill. 

4. Flaming Lips—Yoshi- 
mi Battles the Pink Ro- 
bots. Driving gets your 
mind going, and this 
puts you into memory 
overdrive. 

5. Foo Fighters—The 
Color and the Shape. It 
packs a punch. 

6. Three Doors Down— 
The Better Life. They 
have a blue-collar style 
that fits in with racing. 
7. Ludacris—Back for 
the First Time. Luda trips 
те out. This makes you 
want to dump the clutch 
at every light. 

8. Sheryl Crow—Tues- 
day Night Music Club. 
There 15 nothing sexier 
than Sheryl asking if 
you're strong enough to 
be her man. 


Hotnights’ 
Moria 
Andersson. 


Ву ASA BABER 


AMAN HAS to know when to hold "ет and 
when to fold "em, and I am now in a 
folding phase of my career. The cards 
have been dealt and Гуе played a 
good hand. But the time has come 
for me to pull up stakes and move 
on from this rewarding assignment 
(the best job a writer of my tem- 
perament could ever hope to have) 
and concentrate on other things— 
like writing a book about what's hap- 
pening to me. 

This is the last Men column you will 
read under my authorship. I offer it to 
you in the spirit of friendship and grat- 
itude and without an ounce of self-pity. 
Because this is a success story. I have had 
an outstanding run with this column for 
the past 21 years, and I hereby celebrate 
the things that made it possible—es- 
pecially the support and guidance of 
my editor, Arthur Kretchmer, and the 
overwhelmingly favorable response I re- 
ceived from my readers. I assure you 1 
have not been fired and am not resign- 
ing ina snit. This decision is mine alone, 
arrived at after much thought and based 
on the conditions of my life. 

As I told you in my June 2002 column 
(“Lou Gehrig and Me”), I am dealing 
with a disease called amyotrophic lateral 
sclerosis, an illness that is slowly paralyz- 
ing me, as certain nerve cells die and my 
muscles atrophy from lack of use. Right 
now my legs are almost useless, and 
1 will probably lose the function of my 
hands and arms in the near future. 
There will be myriad medical problems. 
Then, toward the end, as the muscles in 
my diaphragm decay, I will lose the abil- 
ity to breathe. The bottom line is that I 
may not be physically able to write much 
longer, so time is critical. (ALS 
rently considered an incurable di 
but this won't be the case forever; med- 
ical research will find acure, and it could 
happen soon, so I wish good luck to my 
ALS companions. There will be better 
days ahead.) As you can imagine, it takes 
a lot of time and energy to complete the 
simplest tasks, and that complicates my 
world. On good days 1 can focus on my 
work. On bad days I may not be able to 
write а word. Since I'm a realist, 1 recog- 
nize my need to bow out of the column 
before I start handing in copy that isn't 
meaningful to me. I have never done 
that in my career, and 1 dor't intend to 
start now. (One advantage of having a 
terminal illness is that you learn to sort 
through your priorities ruthlessly and 
determine what you want to accomplish 
in the time you have left.) 

There is another reason 1 am retiring, 
and this one is personal: 1 simply do not 
have a lot more to say about men and 


40 women and the gender wars. When I 


MY LAST 
MEN COLUMN 


started this column in 1982, the feminist 
movement мах in full flower and mas- 
culinity was being trashed as an evil and 
unacceptable form of life by feminists 
(both female and male). In the main- 
stream media and on college campuses, 
regular guys were receiving negative 
and prejudiced reviews. This magazine 
was often cited by both radical liberals 
and radical conservatives as an example 
of rampant sexism, and vigorous male 
sexuality was targeted for mockery and 
scorn. (Echoes of those war cries can still 
be heard, but they are nothing like the 
previous incantations, The so-called 
women's movement has split into fac- 
tions across the political spectrum, which 
is a healthy thing.) 

Dy my assessment, I did a good job 
covering the sexual revolution from 
a male perspective over the past tvo 
decades. My mission was clear and 1 
fulfilled it. All of my published writing 
(fiction, nonfiction and essays) has been 
about common men, their victories and 
defeats, the forces that shape them from 
childhood through adulthood and the 
difficulties they have dealing with a cul- 
ture that doesn't always vicw them with 
empathy. In addition, almost all of my 
writing since the late Sixties has ap- 
peared exclusively in this magazine, 
which means 1 have been Napping my 
punk Irish lips about these subjects to 
s readership for a long time. 

My first publication in PLAYBOY was а 
short story called Revelations, which ap- 
peared in October 1969. It's about a 
moving man who hauls freight and fur- 
niture around the country and ends up 
in a bad place after too many hours on 
the road and too many stimulants in his 


system. It came straight out of my life 
and it set the focus for my work. 1 knew 
then I had to write about regular guys 
and I had to employ a direct and simple 
voice, blunt and unsophisticated by 
academic standards. 

(FYI, I have never seen myself as a 
writer in the conventional sense of the 
word. I do not produce volumes of 
work, 1 do not hang around with oth- 
er writers and I never discuss litera- 
ture with anybody. In short, I'm a 
maverick, and that is both my strength 

and my weakness. By avoiding literary 
politics and academic debates, I have 
shaped my work on my terms, without 
catering to tastemakers and power bro- 
kers. At the same time, my independent. 
thought has made those same people 
wary of me. They can tell I'm a renegade 
who will say what he has to say, regardles: 
of their disapproval, making me an unfit 
product for polite discussions.) 

‘These, then, are the fundamental facts 
and themes of my checkered career. 1 
spoke up for men before it was fashion- 
able. I am proud 1 did so, and 1 accepted 
the terms that came with the job. How- 
ever, since this is my last column, let me 
move toward the territory I will be writ- 
ing about next. I hesitate to mention it, 
because it may seem inappropriate for 
my readers. But you have traveled with 
me through many climates and reas- 
sured me that you enjoyed the voyage, 
so here goes: What we really need to do 
as men is admit that death scares the shit 
out of us, and we will do almost anything 
to avoid thinking about it or preparing 
for it. We will drink to distraction, forni- 
cate to exhaustion, eat to satiation and 
pursue money and power and popu- 
larity like truckers on speed, all to create 
the illusion we are immortal, that death 
cannot touch us, that we are just too 
damned busy and clever and self-ab- 
sorbed to allow it to interrupt us. 

But I am here to urge you to be a little 
more brave, a tad more courageous and 
self-controlled, and to take some private 
time to contemplate the mysteries of the 
universe and ask yourself how you plan 
to spend whatever time you have left. 
How can you avoid wasting your life 
And how can you find the matu 
ask the deepest metaphysical questions 
about the nature of life and death—with 
out di ng yourself immediately and 
taking a nice nap to forget it all? 

Don't worry about me, amigos. Without 
joining any religious establishment, I have 
come to a solid understanding of what's 
ahead for me, and it will all be good at the 
end. I thank you for your support and at- 
tention, and I say, not lighdy ог cynicall 
“Vaya con Dios, compadres.” It has been а 
privilege writing for you. 


nn | 


=o 
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Turbo on Board 


Who cares if the hood 
scoop and trunk spoil- 
er say “Ticket me, offi- 
cer.” Where's the near- 
est winding road? 
Subaru's World Rally 
team inspired the new 
Impreza WRX STi and, 
for once, we didn't get 
a neutered version of 
the model оНеге: S 
Europe ond Asia. In 
fact, the STi's 2.5-liter dS% 
turbocharged power 
plant (that’s 300 hp) is 
exclusive to North 
America. Standard 
equipment includes all- 
wheel drive, sporty 
suspension, oversize 
analog gauges, 17- 
inch wheels and а six- 
speed transmission 
with a leather-covered 
shifter knob. A stereo 
system is optional. 
Price: Around 
$30,000— which 

should leave you 
enough extra cash to 
bribe a state trooper. 


(O PREHEAT OVEN TO 450 
DEGREES. 
о 


CUT BAKING POTATOES 

LENGTHWISE INTO QUARTER- 
INCH-WIDE STRIPS. SOME PEOPLE 
PREFER TO LEAVE THE SKINS ON. 

IF 50, SCRUB THE OUTSIDE OF THE >, 
POTATOES BEFORE SLICING. Ф 


TOSS STRIPS IN ALARGE BOWL 
„2 WITH A FEW TABLESPOONS ОҒ 
OLIVE OIL AND COARSE SALT, 


@ SPREAD POTATOES 
IN ONE LAYER ON A fF 
COOKIE SHEET. 


© 


BAKE IN OVEN FOR 20 

TO 25 MINUTES UNTIL 

LIGHTLY BROWNED, 

TURNING POTATOES 

OCCASIONALLY WITH © SERVE ON A PLATTER 
A SPATULA. LINED WITH PAPER TOWELS. 


hey... its personal 


On the Edge 


Anybody соп buy а 
sharp-laoking kitchen. 
It's the sleek accessories 
that call far some 
thought. Instead of just 
dumping your knives in 
а drawer (eventually 
you'll get bit reaching 
in there), invest in Mun- 
dial's new Future Col- 
lection—four seamless 
high-carbon stainless- 
steel knives proudly 
housed in a lacquered- 
wood and acrylic block. 
Blade sizes include a 
four-incher for paring, a 
inch utility and two 
eight-inchers. That's all 
you need, unless you're 
tassing brontasaurus 
T-banes on the grill 
Price: 5144 far the sel. 


Smells Like Summer 


While you're breoking out your warm-weather wardrobe, we 
say it's time to try some new summer scents. Grapefruit, plum, 
apple, cinnamon and rum sound like ingredients for a 
Caribbeon cocktail. They also make up the blend of whiffs in 
Lacoste's new Pour Homme eau de toilette ($39). Another trop- 
ical scent, Kouros Cologne Sport by Yves Saint Laurent, includes 
hints of bergomot, tangerine, jasmine and cedar ($44), while 
the equally mysterious Tsar aftershove, by Van Cleef ond Arpels, 
combines lavender, sandalwood, cinnamon and patchouli 
($40). Feeling lucky? Grain de Plaisir by Maitre Parfumeur et 
Gontier is the first men's fragrance to contoin the aphrodisiac 
celery grains (590). Kenneth Cole New York Men eau де toilette 
combines lovender and spices and is as sophisticated as the city 
it's named ofter (555). We like Hugo Boss's Boss in Motion's 
spherical bottle as much os the scent |537). Himalaya by Creed 
is an exotic sondalwood-and-cedarwood fragronce ($178) 


BLT to Last 


Anybody who doesn’t love а BLT can leave the room 
The clossic sandwich, of course, is made with bacon, 
white bread, iceberg lettuce, a tomato, mayo, salt and 
pepper. Wars are siill 
waged over whether 
you toast the bread 

ог not. A stand at Pike 
Ploce Market in Seattle 
creatively alters the 
blueprint to engineer 
а BSLT (ће 5 is for 
salmon). That's only 
one of 60 recipes in 
Michele Anna Jordan's 
The BLT Cookbook, a 
$14.95 William Mor- 
row hardcaver that 
olso includes plenty of 
BLT lore. What do you 
drink with a BLT? 
Jordon suggests Beau- 


44 


jolois, cold dry rosés 
and Rhéne-style reds from California, and Lophroaig 
scotch from Islay, on islond in the Inner Hebrides. With its 
“hints of salt, smoke, seaweed, leather, tobacco and fat, 
Laphrocig is not unlike bacon in glass.” 


Clothesline: 
George Lopez 


The star af ABC's сге- 
atively titled sitcom 
George Lopez has two 
different looks. “When | 
do stond-up, | always 
wear a suit. It come from 
my attempt to change 
the image of Latino peo- 
ple. IF I showed up in 
jeans and a T-shirt, peo- 
ple would think | came 
from work. When | first 
started, I'd go toa 
@ clothing shop on 
Hollywood Boulevard, a 
storefront where they 
sold silk suits with two 
pants. Now 1 only weor 
Hugo Boss. Offstage, | 
weor jeans with my ass 
falling out. But | always 
have nice shoes. You 
might be able to see my 
balls, but I've still got 
my Prada loafers on.” 


The Perfect Time 


© To schedule an oper: Iweek, in the fall. Forget 
about Fridays, when staffing levels are thinner. Also, doc- 
lors are unlikely to be around on the weekend if complica- 
tions develop. Avoid Mondays, too, because your proce- 
dure is more likely to get bumped or canceled by a 
weekend emergency. Seasonal timing also matters: Мед- 
ical residents, the least experienced doctors, start work 
early July, and senior staff physicians frequently vacation in 
the summer. So don't go under the knife until the pros are 
beck and the residents have settled in. • To visit a tropical 
island resort. Within a few weeks after a hurricane, Resort 
hotels are built to withstand hurricanes and quickly repair 
any damage. But tourists are easily scared off by a storm, 
forcing resorts to 

slash rates to lure 

them bak. Pay at- 

tention to weather 

news and you can 

scoop up a fantastic 

vocation deal dur- 

ing hurricane sea- 

son, June through 

November. • То get 

а haircut. Tuesday 

or Wednesday. Guys 

preening in anti 

pation of the week- 

end crowd into the 

barbershops on 

Thursday, Friday 

and Saturday. 


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after shave splash, without wrecking your skin, 


• Cool blast of menthol and refreshing fragrance 
leave skin revitalized 


• Moisturizers and vitamins soothe and improve skin 
• Fast-absorbing, non-greasy formula feels light on skin 


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Filtered PALL MALL gives you more 
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PALL MALL 


Marboro өзі Basic are registered trademark сі Philp Mari Incorporated. Camel 
Winston, Camal, end Doral am registered racemark of RJ Reynolds Tobacco Company 

Lights Menthol Kings, 12 mg. "tar", 1.0 mg. nicotine; Lights Kings, 12 mg. Doral 
Маг, 1.3 mg. nicotine; Filter Kings, 16 mg. "tar", 1.3 mg. nicotine av. per Winston 
cigarette by FTC method. The amount of tar and nicotine you get from this 

product varies depending on how you smoke it. There is no such thing as a Marlboro 
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Шіге Playboy Advisor 


М, girlfriend ins 1 answer my 
cell phone whenever she calls. For her, 
it's a tracking device. Sometimes I can't 
answer, or | turn off the ringer. But по 
matter what reason I give for sending 
her to voicemail, she assumes I'm with 
someone else. What does the Advisor 
think? —D.P, Austin, Texas 

How does answering her call prove you're 
nol with someone? This disagreement may 
seem trivial, but it reflects a serious lack of 
trust. Our guess is that you'll disconnect. 


Has any research been done on whether 
cracking your knuckles causes arthritis? 
I've been doing ita dozen times a day for 
30 years but haven't had any prob- 
lems.—T.C., Tallahassee, Florida 

There's no evidence и leads to arthritis, 
but it may harm ligaments. А study ој 74 ha- 
bitual knuckle-crackers found they had less 
grip strength and more hand swelling. How- 
ever, the ability to crack could be a symptom 
of existing damage rather than ils cause. The 
sound is actually the popping of a carbon 
dioxide bubble that forms in the joint when 
it's pulled ош of position. We know this be- 
cause of an experiment in 1971 by the Bio- 
engineering Group for the Study of Human 
Joints at the University of Leeds. The team 
glued a ring to the right middle finger of 
each of 17 volunteers, attached twine (so it 
could be tugged to create а crack) and had 
the subjects place their hands under an 
N-ray machine. H found that the carbon 
dioxide, which is released from the fluid that 
lubricates the joint, takes about 20 minutes 
to be reabsorbed, which is why you can't 
crack your knuckles in succession. That’s na- 
ture’s way of keeping the rest of us sane 


In her book Five Minutes to Orgasm, 
D. Claire Hutchins writes that "most 
women can achieve orgasm in three to 
five minutes while masturbating. And 
this is starting cold, before fantasy or 
stimulation begins." It takes me at least 
15 minutes to come, and then only with 
intense concentration. Are her numbers 
rea —W.S., Appleton, Wisconsin 
Hutchins took her figures from а survey 
conducted by Alfred Kinsey in the Fiflies of 
about 1900 women who said they had mas- 
turbated at least once. Seventy percent of the 
women reported that they climaxed within 
five minutes. However, it's not clear that 
each “started cold," and later research in a 
sex lab found the average closer to 20 min- 
utes (the fastest orgasm took 15 seconds, 
but many women needed an hour ar more). 
We asked Betty Dodson, author of Sex for 
One, what she thought of the race to climax 
“What's the goddamn hurry?” she said. 
he longer we spend gelling there, the more 
pleasurable the orgasms will be. When Гт 
working with a woman who is learning to 


come, I may have her masturbate for two 
" In other words, coming fast isn't a 


Why do men save every ма лувоу for 
years on end? My husband stores each 
issue in plastic but has never gone back 
to “reference” anything. He can't ex- 
plain his need to keep them. Can you>— 
R.C., Chicago, Illinois 

Your husband is planning ahead. Someday 
civilization will collapse. Cities will burn. 
Roaming packs of angry delinquents will 
pound on your boarded-up doors. As they 
break through, your husband will hold up a 
pristine copy of PLAYBOY and хау, “Look 
here, boys.” Friendships will form amid the 
chaos, leading to a new and better society. By 
the way, why do you keep all those shoes? 


You did a disservice in March with your 
flippant response to the question 
get blue balls. What do girls get? 
said, “They get laid.” A woman's genitals 
become engorged with blood during 
arousal, If that blood isn’t released back 
into the body by orgasm, the woman 
feels the same swelling, pressure and dis 
comfort that a man would. Pull- 
man, Washington 

You're right. Women can get frustrated to 
the point of painful vasocongestion, but il 
reported far less often. Thats why il doesn't 
have its own slang. When a woman has the 
equivalent of blue balls, her inner labia may 
double in size and burn bright or deep re 
depending on whether she's given birth. 


My human sexuality professor at Ar- 
izona State calls the female equivalent 
of blue balls “violet vulva." It's actually 


HLUSTRATION BY ISTVAN BANVAI 


known as protracted resolution, because 
the genitals return to their unaroused 
state without orgasm prior to the resolu- 
tion stage —D.S., Chandler, Arizona 

Never heard that before. Most guys live in 
а state of protracted resolution. 


Im a 28-year-old married bisexual wom- 
an. I laughed at your blue balls remark 
because it assumes that women can get 
sex whenever they want. As any woman 
can tell you, that isn't true—especially 
if you're dating another woman.— 
San Francisco, California 

You're married, bisexual and female and 
still get frustrated? What does it take? 


The Nevada Gaming Control Board 
website notes that last year casinos kept 
2.9 percent of the money wagered on 
professional baseball. That's lower than 
any other sport (the house kept 5.9 per- 
cent of the money bet on basketball and 
4.7 percent on football). What is it about 
baseball that makes it less profitable for 
casinos? Are the bettors smarter or the 
oddsmakers dumber?—A.K., San 
cisco, Californi 

The oddsmakers are never dumber. Rela- 
tively few people bet on baseball. That creates 
intense competition among the casinos, espe- 
cially since baseball is the only major league 
sport played for most of the summer: So while 
football has а 20-сет line, baseball has tra- 
ditionally been а dime. A few casinos have 
edged that up to 15 cents; some online book: 
ies have dropped it to five. 


Му girlfriend first sat on my face, then 
arched her back and gave me head. Does 
this position have а name?—K.R., Tellu- 
ride, Colorado 

It’s a yoga move called the chakra-asucka. 


Whenever Пап nude atthe salon, 1 feel 
the need to cover my penis. Is my pack- 
age in any danger from the ultraviolet 
rays if I don't cover i2—B.G., Evansville, 
jana 

They won't boil your sperm, if that’s what 
you mean. Because your penis and testicles 
haven't been dangling in sunlight, they'll be 
ase them into the rotation. 


more sensitive. 


The other morning I was awakened by a 
gentle rocking of the bed. I looked over 
at my wife, whose eyes were closed and 
lips slightly parted. I could see her hand 
under the blanket moving in tight circles 
over her crotch. As she reached orgasm, 
she emitted a long, slow sigh and fell 
back to sleep. I'm 79 years old and my 
wile is 78, and this is the first time in 
50 years of marriage I have caught her 
masturbating. Does it have anything 
to do with our sex life (I thought it was 


47 


satisfactory for both of us)? How should 
1 react if I discover her pleasuring her- 
self again? What do you think of a 78- 
year-old woman who touches herself?— 
С.В., Redondo Beach, California 

We think she’s a keeper. Masturbation is 
healthy at any age, and it usually doesn't in- 
dicate anything more than a horny spouse. 
Partner sex is great, but sometimes it’s OK to 
enjoy а quick stroke. There's no need lo bring 
it up, but if the bed moves again, offer to 
lend а hand. 


PLAYBOY 


A friend told me how to get a free visit 
to the cockpit during а flight. He says 1 
hould write “fast, neat, average” on a 
piece of paper and ask an attendant to 
give it to the pilot. Is he putting me on? 
—НЛ:, Anaheim, California 

No one is visiting the соскри these days. 
“Fast, neat, average” is a standard response 
on a dining hall comment card given to 
cadets at the Air Force Academy. The idea is 
Ihat the pilot will vecognize the note as being 
ота cadet or grad and invite him or her 
up front. That was before September 11. 
Earlier this year, a passenger waiting to take 
off in Washington handed an attendant a 
napkin with the code on it, saying it was for 
the pilot. The pilot, who had no military ex- 
perience, didn't know what to make of it. He 
returned the plane to the gate. The passen- 
ger, who was detained, said he learned the 
Trick from a neighbor who is a cadet. 


A fier my girlfriend dumped me, I had a 
heavy feeling in my chest. I feel better 
now, but I wondered: Is heartache a psy- 
chological or physiological response?— 
D.K., Homestead, Florida 

It's a bit of both. A doctor might say you 
were suffering from psychosomatic symp- 
toms, or that you "somalicized" your grief— 
your body reacted 10 the emational stress. 
This may not be much solace, but the most 
productive periods of our lives have been be- 
tween girlfriends. 


Lees say І pay a woman to let me suck 
her toes. Can I get into trouble with the 
law?—M.L., East Chicago, Illinois 

As long as she removes only her socks, we'd 
call it a massage. H would help your defense 
if you didn't climax. 


Ive been served white wine in a chilled 
glass—complete with condensation—at 
several restaurants. 15 that how white 
wine is supposed to be served?—E.B. 
San Diego, California 

Most restaurants overchill white wine: 
there should never be condensation on the 
glass. Even when it’s served properly, we cup 
the glass for a minute or two to allow the 
wine to find its full expression, 


The other day one of my girlfriend 
who is also dating а married guy, asked 
me, “Hypothetically, would you date me 
ively if I kept sleeping with my 
married friend?” 1 said no way, then 
48 asked her, “If we got married, would you 


still see your married friend?” She sai 
yes. 15 this woman so in love with the guy 
that she can't break away, even with the 
promise of a steady relationship? I think 
he's the love of her life, but she says she 
wouldn't be with me if that were the 
case.—P.D., Fort Lauderdale, Florida 
She's holding out hope. You shouldn't. 


Whenever I finger my girlfriend and 
sniff my fingers, 1 smell a foul odor. It 
isn't horrible, but it sure isn't great, Is 
there a way to decrease the smell?—V.T., 
Tucson, Arizona 

Yes. Don't sniff your fingers, Every wom- 
ап smells different, and some could use more 
soap, but we'd describe the odor as pleasant- 
ly musky, Your girlfriend may have vaginitis, 
but usually thal produces itching, burning, a 
discharge and an odor that you would recog- 
nize as unquestionably bad. If you're con- 
cerned, tell her, “You know I love how you 
taste, but lately Гое noticed it's different. I 
want 10 make sure you're OK.” You may be 
the best friend her pussy’s ever had. 


I met my husband's new boss at the com- 

pany picnic. He looked familiar. Then 1 

realized why: We had a one-night stand 

before I met my husband. Should I tell 

my husband before he finds out some 

other way?—L.R., Pasadena, California 
No. He won't find out another way. 


A reader recently claimed his wife had 
secretly collected his sperm in used con- 
doms and impregnated her friends. I've 
practiced domestic relations law for 25 
years and the best true story I've heard 
is this: A couple in the front seat of a 
parked car had sex. The couple in the 
backseat wanted to do it, so they asked 
the guy in the front if he had a condom. 
He didn’t, so he handed back his used 
one. Nine months later the girl who sat 
in the back had a baby. DNA tests showed 
the infant was not the child of her date. 
After much discussion, the man who do- 
nated the condom was tested and found 
to be the father. It’s not close enough to 
Christmas to go into our virgin birth, but 
we had one of those too, and dad is now 
paying.—S.R., Chicago, Illinois 

Good story, but couldn't the fronl-seat guy 
and the backseal woman have been having 
ап affair? That seems more likely. 


My girlfriend's past sexual experiences 
turn me on. She recalls everything for 
me in detail. The problem is, that's all I 
want her to talk about, whether we're on 
the phone, riding in the car, in bed, апу- 
where. 1 masturbate to her stories, and 
when we have sex Lask her to call me by 
the names of her ex-boyfriends—in par- 
ticular the one she liked best. Is there а 
пате for this condition, and where can | 
get help?—A.C., Boston, Massachusetts 
We suspect you wrote because your girl- 
friend is beyond annoyed, especially if you're 
dating Monica Lewinsky. She has reason to 
be upset—she's doing all the work. Take а 


minute and find out what turns your girl- 
friend on. She may want to pretend she's 
fucking you. But she also may be more recep- 
tive to your fixation if you dilute it with gen- 
eral role-playing. Ex-boyfriend is just а 
character, after all, as are cop, student, doc- 
tor and quarterback. 


My wife and 1 have found a way to 
avoid the marriage penalty: We got di- 
vorced. We still live together, love each 
other and are raising our kids together. 
We don't plan to tell our families or 
friends. Do many couples do this?—S.B., 
Detroit, Michigan 

As you know, joint filers with similar in- 
comes often pay more income lax than they 
would as singles. That prompls many cou- 
ples not to marry ала others to get paper di- 
vorces, a practice thal the IRS discourages 
but which doesn't appear to be illegal. 
Thank Angie and David Boyter for paving 
the way. They divorced in November 1975 
(your filing status is determined by whether 
you're married on December 31), remarried 
in January 1976, divorced in November 
1976 and remarried in January 1977 before 
the IRS told them to knock it off. They split 
one last time in November 1977 and remain 
separate but together to this day. “Anyone 
considering а tax divorce would be foolish 
not to establish powers of attorney and а 
carefully drawn will and maybe а retitling of 
real estate,” says Angie Boyles, who someday 
hopes to remarry her ex. “There may be in- 
heritance-lax issues, because you aren't elig 
ble for a spousal exemption. There also may 
be complications in states that recognize 
common-law marriages.” The penalty is 
scheduled to be reduced in coming years. 


This past February PLAYBOY quoted a col- 
lege sex advice columnist who said, “All a 
guy has to do is grunt, give a body shud- 
der or throw on a porn-star face and he 
can fool his partner.” Her point was that 
men don't have to work as hard as wom- 
en to fake an orgasm. That's true for the 
most part, but there is a sure way to tell 
if a guy is coming. As one of my girl- 
friends and 1 were having sex, she asked, 
“Ever heard of Lucky Pierre?” Before 1 
could respond, she slid a lubed finger up 
my ass. As I ejaculated she nibbled my 
ear in ште with the contractions in my 
sphincter. There was no way that I could 
have faked that. Anybody care to vali- 
date this?—A.A., Santa Ana, California 
Sure. What's her number? 


АП reasonable questions —from fashion, food 
and drink, метео and sports cars to dating 
dilemmas, taste and etiquette—will be person- 
ally answered if the writer meludes а self-ad- 
dressed, stamped envelope. The most provoca- 
live, pertinent questions will be presented in 
these pages each month. Write the Playboy Ad- 
'LAYBOV, 680 North Lake Shore Drive, 
Chicago, Mlinois 60611, or send e-mail by 
visiting our website at playboyadvisor.com. 


THE PLAYBOY FORUM 


children's book authors tackle firearms 


oodnight kittens and goodnight 

mittens. Goodnight room and 

goodnight moon. Goodnight 
Beretta 92 FS double-action semiau- 
tomatic with 15-round capacity and 
delayed-blowback recoil. 

Everyone knows children and guns 
don't mix. Bolstered by the modern 
parent's certainty that there's nothing 
children can learn from real life that 
can't be taught better by a didactic 
storybook, there's a new genre of kid 
lit to drive the message home. 

While most of the books are by gun 
control advocates, the National Rifle 
Association gets into the act with the 
Second Amendment antics of its mas- 
cot, Eddie Eagle. In The Attic Secret, 
Eddie peeks into windows to see if 
anybody has left guns lying about. 
(Imagine how Charlton Heston would 
feel if the government tried a stunt 
like that.) Sure enough, a group of 
children are poking around Granny's 
attic when they find an old rifle. Be- 
fore they can touch the improperly 
stored firearm, Eddie bursts in—and 
5 promptly blown away by a responsi- 
ble citizen protecting his home. Well, 
not really, but if that did happen, 
you can bet the NRA would defend 
the shooter. 

Instead, Eddie delivers a stern lec- 
ture: "Don't touch it. Then don't stay 
around. Leave the area. Tell an adult 
what you've found.” Party pooper. 
Granny returns the rifle to its prop- 
er place—alongside two gleaming 

g-room display cabinet. 

till, 

not the happy ending you'll 

find in any of the children's books 
not published by the NRA. 

One of those books, Dana Doesn't 
Like Guns Апутоте, tells the story of 
а boy and his bird friend Meadow- 
la Dana loves his feathered com- 

ion but wishes he could 
sometimes play cops-and- 
robbers with his human 
friends. "Dana could not 
have a toy gun because his 
mom and dad said that 
guns only hurt people and 
animals." Eventually Dana 
rebels against his crypto- 
fascist parents by squeezing 


By DANIEL RADOSH 


off a few rounds with his friend's BB 
gun, accidentally nailing Meadow- 
lark. is a tale with two uninten- 
попа! morals: (1) Parents should let 
kids play with toy guns or they'll end 
up using real ones; and (2) a boy will 
play with guns even if you give him a 
girl's name. 

The Berenstain Bears and No Guns Al- 
lowed is part of a series of social-issues 


books that includes The Berenstain 
Bears and Ihe Drug Free Zone. Written 
in the aftermath of the Columbine 
shootings, No Guns Allowed addresses 


not just guns but also “the culture of 


violence,” because kids clearly need 
to learn about safety —and sociologi- 
cal jargon. Still, the book 15 astute 
enough to give fair hearings to differ- 
ing views and to challenge simplistic 
solutions. When one teacher sug- 
gests removing “all violent literature 


from the library,” another replies, 
“That would mean getting rid of such 
great authors as William Shakesbear 
and Robert Grizzly Stevenson.” Of 
course, the most disturbing premise 
of this book—bears with guns—is 
never explored. Would it be all right 
if guns were available only to hunter 
bears for shooting humans? 

Other kids’ gun books have special 
moments, too. Guns: What You Should 
Know includes illustrations of the in- 
nards of a handgun and gleeful chil- 
dren racing a bullet. Guns Are Not for 
Fun offers а lesson in the danger of 
mixing firearms with bad poetry. “A 
bullet would burn a hurting hole 
right through your flesh/And turn 
your muscles and organs into a big 
mess!” Later: “Never ever again a soft 
puppy to feel/Just because you 
played with a gun that was real.” 

The strangest book of all is The 
Stray Bullet. While other authors have 
been informed by the latest pedagog- 
ical research—rendering their work 
tedious and predictable—the creator 
of The Stray Bullet claims she was in- 
spired by her fright upon seeing two 
boys aiming what turned out to be 
water pistols at each other. The au- 
thor's insight from this scene: Teach 
kids not about how they can get hurt 
bya bullet but about how sad the bul- 
let feels when a pull of the trigger 
forces her to leave her home inside 
the gun. In this watercolor book, the 
bullet let loose into the air decides to 
save her own life, and that of whoev- 
er she is destined to hit, by simply re- 
fusing to land. Joyful again, she flies 
through a planet populated by hip- 
pies in T-shirts with slogans such as 
“The smart in you is the art in you.” 
Alter a while these people seem so 
smug in their feel-good spirituality 
that you begin to wish the si 

would change her mi 

But no, she flies on, even 
fantasizing about the life 
she could have had (bullet 
wedding, baby bullets) had 
the gun not been fired. The 
Stray Bullet ends with empty 
pages where children can 
add their own tratio 
Inspired, 1 drew a Glock. 


49 


50 


Buddhism 


MASTURBATION: А Buddhist 
precept exhorts believers to “refrain 
from committing sexual misconduct,” 
which is defined as not causing harm 
to yourself or others. So masturbation 
is not a problem for most Buddhists, 
though some believe that sex distracts 
from the quest for enlightenment. 
They cite Buddha's First Sermon, in 
which he called the pursuit of sensual 
pleasure “vulgar, coarse, ignoble and 
unbeneficial.” 

PREMARITAL SEX: One scholar 
argues that Buddha encouraged celi- 
bacy only because he wanted to stem 
the birthrate so followers would have 
time for spiritual pursuits. The Tan- 
tric school, which many see as a cor- 
ruption (and which also arose in 
Hinduism), emphasizes sex as a tool 
for enlightenment. One early Tantric 
leader said, “Buddheity is in the fe- 
male generative organs.” 

INFIDELITY: Adultery is prohibit- 
ed, as it harms another. 

CONTRACEPTION: One feminist 
scholar has commented that Bud- 
dhist reproductive health education 
would emphasize “wholesome living, 
mindfulness, compassion for all sen- 
tient beings and the wisdom to make 
sensible decisions.” 

ABORTION: The first precept of 
Buddhism is “not to kill, not to let 
others kill and not to condone any act 
of killing in the world.” However, 
there may be situations in which a 
Buddhist could justify abortion, such 
as if it would prevent the suffering of 
a severely handicapped child. 

HOMOSEXUALITY: Most Bud- 
dhists aren't hung up on the topic. 
However, there is controversy about 
whether the Buddha allowed gays to 
be among his followers. The Dalai 
Lama caused a ruckus during a vi 
to San Francisco when he declared 
that gay and lesbian sex “is generally 
considered sexual misconduct.” 

CLERGY: Most but not all monks 
and nuns are celibate. Centuries ago, 
Tibetan monks made crude sex toys. 


1. 


UC SY ALE ARAS 


ИЕДІ А RAL DEE 


Danaea A 
килер ај 


ENG 


Hinduism 
MASTURBATION: Rather than 


condemn masturbation, the Kama Su- 
tra explains how best to do it: “Churn 
your instrument with a lion's pounce: 
Sit with legs stretched out at right an- 
gles to one another, propping your- 
self up with your two hands planted 
on the ground between them, and 
rub it between your arm 

PREMARITAL SEX: Many Hin- 
dus believe that teenagers and young 
adults should be celibate while they 
are students. 

INFIDELITY: Bad karma. 

CONTRACEPTION: The earliest 
scriptures in Hinduism, the Vedas, 
include references to birth control, 
and India was the first nation to de- 
velop a population-control plan 
founded on artificial contraception. 
But some Hindus believe the proce- 
dure interferes with reincarnation by 
interrupting “nature’s arrangement 
to provide a soul with a new body.” 

ABORTION: Hindus believe that 
life begins at conception, and most 
oppose the procedure. However, be- 
cause of its practical use as birth con- 
trol, abortion has been legal in India 
since 1971. 

HOMOSEXUALITY: It's generally 
accepted, though ancient writers cau- 
tioned that men who had sex with 
other men would be reincarnated 
sterile, or in a lower caste. A section of 
the Kama Sutra focuses on gay men, 
known as “the third sex." It also men- 
tions women who have sex with other 
women (usually because they can't 
find men) and advises them on which 
vegetables are useful as dildos. 

CLERGY: Conservative dus be- 
lieve celibacy is necessary among the 
devout to convert sexual energy (re- 
tas) into spiritual energy (tejas). Rath- 
er than dissipating into the world, the 
sexual energy of the celibate is redi- 
rected up his spine, where it activates 
his higher chakras. For decades after 
Gandhi took his vow of chastity, he 
had virgins or young brides sleep 
nude with him to “test his resolve.” 


Islam 


MASTURBATION: Known as is- 
timna, the practice is forbidden. The 
cure is marriage. 

PREMARITAL SEX: “What Islam 
fears most in unregulated sexuality is 
its ability to cause social chaos,” 
one scholar. In response, Muslim cul- 
tures often segregate men and wom- 
en. Female genital mutilation short- 
ly before puberty is also common in 
many countries, although the wom- 
en who perform the operation some- 
times can be persuaded to “leave 
some fire for the husband.” Muslim 
men are encouraged to marry as soon 
as possible. If a man cannot find a 
wife, he may benefit from a clergy- 
sanctioned "temporary marriage," 
which allows him to be wed (often toa 
prostitute) for as little as an hour. For 
а man found guilty of fornication, the 
most severe application of Islamic law 
calls for him to be whipped 100 times. 

INFIDELITY: Some conservative 
cultures punish adultery with ston- 
ing, although by one interpretation 
the Koran calls only for flogging. Un- 
less the couple is caught in the act 
or confesses, the charge i a difficult 
one to prove—it requires at least four 
witnesses. 

CONTRACEPTION: Coitus inter- 
ruptus was practiced as birth control 
during the time of Muhammad. 
Many Muslims believe that modern 
contraceptives are the equivalent апа 
therefore are permitted, 

ABORTION: The Koran states, 
"Kill not your children for fear of 
want; it is we who provide su: 
for them as well as for you." Some 
Muslims believe the verse refers to à 
letus only once it resembles a child. 

HOMOSEXUALITY: Many Mus- 
lims believe homosexuali dicates 
weak character, sexual perm 
ness and inadequate religio 
struction. Most of the shame is dire 
ed at the passive partner. 

CLERGY: Chastity is discouraged. 
Men are encouraged to marry and 
produce children. 


; ds hos 


34 


р 


TARDY С Бо 


Christianity 


MASTURBATION: St. Thomas 
Aquinas thought that touching your- 
self was more heinous than mating 
with your mother, because at least the 
latter abomination could lead to con- 
ception. The traditional source for 
this belief—the story of Onan from 
the Book of Genesis—is commonly 
misinterpreted. Onan had been in- 
structed by God to impregnate the 
widow of his brother. Instead, he 
spilled his seed. Most theologians 
agree that Onan's sin was not mastur- 
bation but defiance of God. 

PREMARITAL SEX: According to 
the Catholic Catechism: “Fornication 
is gravely contrary to the dignity of 
persons and of human sexuality, 
which is naturally ordered to the good 
of spouses and the generation and ed- 
ucation of children.” 

INFIDELITY: Forbidden but for- 
givable. In a могу from the New Tes- 
tament, a crowd brings a woman ac- 
cused of adultery to Jesus. He says, 
“Let he who is without sin throw the 
first stone.” He says to the woman, 
“Go, and sin no more.” 

CONTRACEPTION: The Catholic 
Church prohibits artificial contracep- 
tion, but other denominations aren't 
as strict. In 1951 Pope Pius ХП said 
it was OK for married couples to use 
the rhythm method. 

ABORTION: Many Christians be- 
lieve that abortion violates the biblical 
law against killing. In 1974 the Cath- 
olic Church decreed that life begins 
at conception. 

HOMOSEXUALITY: Many Chris- 
tians condemn homosexuality as a 
sin. But according to a 1997 pastoral 
letter by U.S. Catholic bishops: "Ho- 
mosexual orientation is experienced 
as a given, not as something freely 
chosen. By itself, therefore, a homo- 
sexual orientation cannot be consid- 
ered sinful, for morality presumes the 
freedom to choos 

CLERGY: The Catholic Church is 
unique among denominations in re- 
quiring chastity from its leadership. 


Judaism 


MASTURBATION: Some rabbis 
condemn masturbation as wasteful of 
the seed (see Contraception, below). 
For the most part, there is little em- 
barrassment attached to sex. One 
scholar points out that Leviticus, 
which is filled with instructions about 
prohibited sexual activities, is the 
book traditionally chosen to begin 
teaching biblical Hebrew to children. 

PREMARITAL SEX: Most Jews 
view sex as an act reserved for a hus- 
band and wife. However, one liberal 
rabbi says she believes that “mutu- 
ally respectful relationships for the 
purpose of intimacy and pleasure are 
within the Jewish tradition.” 

INFIDELITY: The bonds of mar- 
riage are sacred, so adultery is out. 

CONTRACEPTION: Some con- 
servative rabbis advise against the use 
of condoms because it is forbidden to 
spill one’s seed (hashchatat zera). But 
more-liberal teachers believe that if a 
couple cannot afford to have chil- 
dren, contraceptives are acceptable. 
Forms of contraception that do not 
involve spilling semen, such as the 
pill or diaphragm, are not a problem. 
"Тһе consensus on condoms is chang- 
ing because of their effectiveness in 
preventing STDs. 

ABORTION: Most Jews believe 
that life begins at birth. However, 
most condemn abortion as a casual 
method of birth control. 

HOMOSEXUALITY: This is one 
of the more controversial issues in Ju- 
daism. Most orthodox Jews condemn 
homosexual acts and reject the idea 
of gay rabbis, based on the admoni- 
tion in Leviticus that “you should not 
lie with a man as with a woman.” But 
like liberal Christians, а good number 
of Jews argue that if homosexuality 
can be shown by science to be a nat- 
ural state, then it must have been cre- 
ated by God and cannot be consid- 
ered wrong. 

CLERGY: The Torah instructs all 
Jews, including rabbis, to “be fruitful 
and multiply.” 


Hedonism 
MASTURBATION: A natural way 
to relieve stress and give yourself 
pleasure, as long as it doesn't get you 
arrested. Women should be encour- 
aged to masturbate more frequently. 
PREMARITAL SEX: As one wag 
has asked, is it premarital sex if you 
don't plan to get married? Hugh Hef- 
ner wrote in the Playboy Philosophy: 
“The place for the conceiving and 
rearing of children is marriage, but 
sex has other purposes as well. It can 
serve as a significant source of physi- 
cal and emotional pleasure, it offers a 
means of intimate communication be- 
tween individuals and a way of estab- 
lishing personal identification within 
a relationship and within society as a 
whole. And it is when sex serves these 
other ends, in addition to or separate 
and apart from reproduction, that it 
is lifted above the animal level and 
becomes most human 
INFIDELITY: It’s not the sex, it's 
the lying. Swingers have worked out 
this problem by freely sharing their 
partners’ bodies but not their com- 
mitment. That's the theory, anyway. 
CONTRACEPTION: The pill has 
made it possible “for a sexual woman 
to act like a sexual man,” notes one 
doctor. Teens should know how to use 
a condom before they learn to drive. 
ABORTION: No one says it’s a 
good thing, but it's hard to imagine it 
again being illegal. Better to take a 
practical rather than a moral ap- 
proach: Educate kids and make birth 
control free and accessible to keep the 
numbers to a minimum. 
HOMOSEXUALITY: Who cares 
who other people are sleeping with? 
Hugh Hefner: “A free, rational and 
humane society demands a tolerance 
of those whose sexual inclinations are 
different from our own, so long as 
their activity is limited to consenting 
adults and does not involve any kind 
of coercion.” 
CLERGY: Let them marry so they 
can enjoy sex with other adults. Look 
at what happens when they can't. 


51 


KANGAROO COURT 


any Americans first heard of 
marijuana grower Ed Rosen- 
thal this past February, when 


the jury that convicted him of three 
felonies (growing more than 100 
plants, conspiring to cultivate and 
maintaininga growing operation) de- 
manded that its verdict be over- 
turned. Five panelists and an alter- 
паге stood on the steps of the federal 
courthouse in San Francisco and said 
they had been duped into sending a 
man who was not a criminal to prison. 

What the hell Һаррепе 

Seven years carlier, California vot- 
ers had approved Proposi- 
tion 215. It stated that sick 
people who had a doctor's 
recommendation could use 
marijuana to alleviate pain, 
to relieve nausea that ac- 
companies chemotherapy, 
to restore appetite. 

City officials in Oakland 
passed an ordinance desig- 
nating a local cannabis club 
as an official source for 
medical pot. It issued Ed 
Rosenthal a license to grow 
and distribute the drug to 
а medical co-op. Rosenthal, 
who has written 20 books 
on marijuana, took over an empty 
warehouse and cultivated plants. 

fornia's attorney general, Bill 
Lockyer, urged the Drug Enforce- 
ment Administration to adopt guide- 
lines on medical marijuana that 
would show "a proper sense of bal- 
ance. proportion and respect for 
states' rights." DEA chief Asa Hutch- 
inson shot him down: "Surely you are 
not recommending we sidestep our 
country's long-standing practice of 
rigorous scienufic research before de- 
claring a potentially harmful drug to 
be medicine. The FDA has never in 
the past approved medicine by popu- 
lar referendum." (What Hutchinson 
didn't mention is that the feds must 
approve any study using actual mari- 
juana. So far they have refused to do 
so.) The DEA chief added, without. 
citing evidence, that "medical mari 
juana laws are being abused to Е 
tate traditional illegal trafficking, 

On February 12, 9i 
day Hutchinson gave a speech in San 
Francisco praising the war on drugs, 


By JAMES R. PETERSEN 


federal agents raided Rosenthal's 
warehouse. They seized 3163 plants 
and arrested the man who had grown 
them. When Hutchinson boasted 
about the arrest during his speech, 
his audience booed. 

A DEA spokesman told reporters: 
"There is no such thing as medical 
marijuana. We are Americans first, 
Californians second." 

U.S. District Judge Charles Breyer, 
brother of U.S. Supreme Court Jus- 
tice Stephen Breyer, caught the case. 
In pretrial hearings he ruled that the 
defense could not mention Proposi- 


Arresting 
Patients 


n 215. Further, the ee s 
Oakland officials could not testify that 
they had given Rosenthal a license. 
He refused to let a county supervisor 
discuss the defendant's motives for 
growing pot or describe the work 
he'd done for the city. Breyer also 
blocked the appearance of several 
character witnesses. 

In a pretrial motion, Rosenthal's 
lawyers argued for immunity, citing a 
law that protects federal, state and lo- 
cal officials who possess or transport 
illegal drugs as part of their jobs (e.g., 
taking evidence to court, working un- 
dercover). The judge wouldn't have 
it. Congress intended the law 10 рго- 

not caregivers. Breyer also 
prohibited a defense based on the 
doctrine of “entrapment by estop- 
pel”—that is, a traffic cop can't tell 
you it’s OK to cross against the light, 
then ticket you for jaywalking. 

During jury selection, Breyer 
stacked the deck. He questioned 80 
potential panelists, weeding out those 
who had positive opinions about 


= Ње feds play bully in oakland = 


medical marijuana, who had voted 
for Proposition 215 or who under- 
stood the conflict between state and 
federal law and favored the former, 
These decisions eliminated Rosen- 
thal's defense before it even began. 

Supporters paid for billboards em- 
blazoned with the message comras- 
SION, NOT FEDERAL PRISON. Protesters. 
stood outside the courthouse, their 
mouths taped shut. 

In his closing remarks, a prosecu- 
tor told the jury: “Cultivation of mar- 
ijuana is a federal offense. Period. 
Nothing else matters.” As for the vote 

on Proposition 215, the 
prosecutor said: “This is a 
federal courtroom, It is not 
a polling place.” 
Judge Breyer's remarks 
were even more dismissi 
Тһе judge had told the ju- 
rors to disregard the 1996 
vote. “You are not to consid- 
er the purpose for which the 
marijuana was grown. You 
cannot substitute your sense 
of justice, whatever that 
is, for your duty to follow 
the law.” 
Jurors delivered the ver- 
dict the government want 
ed. Then they rebelled. They told 
reporters that they had felt manip- 
ulated, intimidated and controlled. 
One juror reportedly worried the 


judge would send them to jail if they 


voted their conscience. When the 
panel realized it had been duped 
foreman read a public letter of apol- 
“I fail to understand how evi- 
timony that is perti- 
nent, imperative and representative 
to state government policy and regu- 
lation, as well as doctor and pati 
rights, and indeed your far 
relevant to this case.” Another juror 
added: “I did something so pro- 
foundly wrong that it will haunt me 
for the rest of my life. 1 helped send а 
man to prison who does not belong 
there.” So much for justice 
Judge Breyer will sentence Ed Ro- 
senthal on June 4. The man with the 
volent green thumb faces at least 
id as many as 85 years in feder- 
on. 
Hutchinson has moved on to 
tackle homeland security. 


READER RESPONSE 


THE STELLA AWARDS 

In March you noted 
that ıhe online Stella 
Awards are named after 
Stella Liebeck, who sued 
McDonald's after she ac- 
cidentally spilled coffee 
on her lap (“The Stel- 
la Awards,” The Playboy 
Forum). PLAYBOY mocked 
Liebeck but convenient 
ly left out details about 
her case. Liebeck suffered 
third-degree burns over six 
percent of her body, inclu 
her genitals and groin. She 
was hospitalized for eight days 
and underwent treatment that. 
cost around $20,000. She did 
not sue immediately. Instead, 
she asked McDonald's to reim- 
burse her for her medical ex- 
penses. The company offered 
her $800. During the trial, 
McDonald's admitted they'd 
had more than 700 complaints 
from customers burned by hot cof- 
fee. They nonetheless kept their cof- 
fee at 180 degrees (other vendors 
keep theirs at much lower tempera- 
tures). The $2.9 million Liebeck won 
is about what McDonald's makes in 
two days on coffee sales. A judge re- 
duced the initial award, and the two 
ides settled. It isn't clear how much 
ebeck ended up collecting, but it 
was probably far less. I have practiced 
law for more than 30 years, and 1 
don't know any lawyer who would file 
the other suits you cited. Don't give 
tort reformers any more publicity. 

Patrick Bennett 
Indianapolis, Indiana 

And yet someone did file those lawsuits 
Liebeck's injuries sound terrible, but why 
should the company who sold you a cup of 
hot coffee be responsible when you spill it in 
your lap in a moving vehicle? The argu- 
ment that it was “too hot” is specious. You 
expect coffee to be hot. 


T am the aunt of Dustin Bailey, the 
29-year-old man who was killed af- 
ter he crawled under an idling truck 
while drunk, Dustin's mother did not 
file lawsuits against the company that 
owned the truck, the driver and the 
bar where Dustin got drunk just to 
become rich. Her intention was to 
point out actions leading up to the 
accident that could have prevented 
her son's death. You failed to mention 


“There is no sexual activity. The nipples are 
covered.” 

— Allen Lichtenstein, general counsel for the ACLU 
of Nevada, when asked about the Hard Rock Hotel 
billboard shown above. It stood for six months near the 
Las Vegas airport before county planning officials 
decided it was obscene and ordered it removed. 


that it is illegal to serve someone who 
is intoxicated. It is the responsibility 
of the bar to determine when one has 
had enough. The bar obviously knew 
it did something wrong—it's no lon- 
ger open. Your article did not men 
tion the fact that it is illegal to leave ап 
ing vehicle on a public street. The 
recipients of Stella Awards should be 
those who are trying to come into 
easy money by manipulating the legal 
system, not those who are trying to 
find closure on a death by attempt- 
ing to prove that this terrible mishap 
could have been avoided. My sister 
lost a son, and I lost a nephew. Some- 
body ought to sue you for your taste- 
less article. 


Arlene Chambers 
Willard, Ohio 
We're sorry for your loss. But you didn't 
mention the two most important events that 
led to this tragedy: (1) Your nephew chose 
to drink, (2) Your nephew chose to climb 
beneath the truck. For most people, death is 
closure enough 


HOLLYWOOD POLITICS 

While I admit that George Bush is 
fond of wartime rhetoric that sounds 
like it came out of Hollywood, I agree 
with his message: Do unto others who 
are extremely likely to do unto you 
(“Dirty Georgie,” The Playboy Forum, 
March). Do you wait until your child 
has been scalded before you remove 


the pot of boiling wa- 
ter from the stove? 


before a disaster can 
occur. Saddam Hus- 
is that pot of boil- 
ing water. 
Mark Harris 
El Paso, Texas 
Isn't that a line from 
Gunsmoke? 


SECRET PLOTS 

Sam Loewenberg dismiss- 
es those who theorize about 
the government's complici- 
ty in the attacks on Septem- 
ber 11 as conspiracy freaks 
(“9/11 Conspiracy Freaks,” 
The Playboy Forum, March) 
Would he have us instead 
accept the official version of 
events? We have a duty to 
question the government, 
especially the current one, 
not only because it failed us 
with regard to security, but also be- 
cause it has a sordid history of lying to 
conceal a despicable foreign policy. 

If Loewenberg thinks that it is a 
stretch to connect the dots between 
oil in Iraq and Afghanistan and U.S. 
military intervention, he doesn't read 
enough. President Jimmy Carter's 
national security advisor, Zbigniew 
Brzezinski, spelled it out in his 1997 
book, The Grand Chessboard. The Bush 
administration has blocked any real 
investigation into September 11 while 
using the tragedy to manipulate our 
fears and trash our liberties. Loewen- 
berg ridicules those who dare ques- 
tion these actions. I leave it to PLAYBOY 
readers to conspire about what his ac- 
tual agenda might be. 

Carolyn Gray 
Jupiter, Florida 

Loewenberg responds: "What makes 
conspiracy theories attractive is they have 
the ring of truth. Bul by mixing serious 
criticism with sloppy theories, they trivial- 
ize serious opposition. These days, that's 
the last thing we need.” 


We would like to hear your point of 
view. Send questions, opinions and quirky 
stuff to The Playboy Forum, PLAYBOY, 680 
North Lake Shore Drive, Chicago, Illinois 
60611, e-mail us at forum@playboy.com 
or fax your comments 10 312-951-2939. 
Please include a daytime phone number 
and your city and state or province. 


53 


54 


N E W 


S F R 


O N I 


what's happening in the sexual and social arenas 


UN COVER-UP 


NEW YORK—As part ofits “shock and 
awe” tactics during the Spanish Civil 
War, the German air force destroyed 
a Basque village in 1937. Pablo Picas- 


so portrayed the horror of the attack 
in his landmark painting Guernica, a 
replica of which has hung outside 
the UN Security Council since 1985. 
During a debate on the Iraq conflict, 
officials covered the tapestry with a 
banner displaying the UN logo. A 
spokesman said, “We're only doing 
this until the cameras leave.” He 
claimed officials didn't have a prob- 
lem with the antiwar artwork but 
rather “with the horse.” The podium 
where diplomats speak to the press is 
near the ass of a stallion in the work. 


SPLIT RIGHT 


HELENA, MONTANA—When police ar- 
rived at the scene of a stabbing they 
encountered a 58-year-old woman by 
the name of Tessa, who had blood on 
her clothes. She said she didn't know 
anything about a stabbing, then asked 
for a lawyer, which meant the police 
could no longer question her. Min- 
utes later Tessa began calling herself 
Martha. Wheı officer asked if she 
knew the victim, she replied, "1 
stabbed her” Police then took Tessa/ 
Martha for a mental evaluation to 
determine if she suflered from mul- 
tiple personality disorder. А judge 


ruled that prosecutors could not use 
Martha's confession because Tessa 
had already asked for a lawyer 


TOUGH GLOVE 


WASHINGTON, D.C—During Scared 
Straight-style tours designed to deter 
troubled teens from crime, overzeal- 
ous guards at the city jail allegedly 
gave at least 10 students an all-too- 
real demonstration of the system. Ac- 
cording to one lawsuit, officers told г 
teenage visitor to change into a p 
oner uniform, locked him in a hold- 
ing cell for 30 minutes and strip- 
searched him, including his body 
cavities. The boy was sent home with 
a pair of standard-issue shoes on 
which a guard had scrawled, “Don't 
come back.” A jury awarded the teen 
$150,000 and the jail suspended the 
tours, which it had conducted for 
more than a decade. 


NUN ABUSE 


sr Louts—Earlier this year the St. 
Louis Post-Dispatch unearthed a report 
dating back to the mid-Nineties in 
which researchers at St. Louis Uni- 
y asked 1164 nuns from 123 or- 
ders if they had ever been sexually 
harmed. Nearly 20 percent said they 
had been abused as children by fami- 
ly members, priests or nuns (one vic- 
tim recalled being fondled during 
confession; another said a priest 
anointed her genitals with oil to keep 
her safe while dating), 12.5 percent 
said they had been exploited as adults 
and 9.3 percent said they had been 
harassed. The Leadership Confer- 
ence of Women Religious ed 
with the survey on the condition that 
the results would not be publicized. 


BIOLOGY OR BUST 


LUBBOCK. TEXAS—A biology profes- 
sor at Texas Tech told his students 
that anyone who wanted his recom- 
mendation for postgraduate studies 
in medicine or biomedical sciences 
had to affirm his or her support for 
the theory of evolution. “How can 
someone who does not accept the 
most important theory in biology ex- 
pect to practice in a field that is sı 
heavily based on biology?” the profes- 


sor asked. A premed student who said 
affirming evolution would be “den 

ing my faith as a Christian” filed a 
complaint with the federal govern- 
ment. The Justice Department says it 
will investigate whether the profes- 
sor's policy discriminates on the basis 


BAD VIBE 


PHILADELPHIA—Scientists have doc- 
umented an unusual case of HIV 
transmission between two women. Ac- 
cording to a report in the journal Clin- 
ical Infectious Diseases, a college stu- 
dent appears to have acquired the 
virus by sharing a vibrator with her 
HIV-positive partner. The partner 
had used the vibrator so vigorously 
that it became tinged with blood. 


LOVE LESSONS 


NAPLES, FLORIDA—In an attempt to 
educate his students about sale sex, 
a high school teacher dimmed the 
classroom lights, turned on some mu- 
sic and slipped a latex condom over 
a banana. He said he wanted to re- 
create a situation that students might 
find themselves in. “We promote total 


abstinence, but some students might 
be seduced,” he explained shortly be- 
fore he was dismissed by the school 
board. The superintendent said, “It's 
those kinds of demonstrations that we 
don't want in our schools." 


Discover Smirnoff Responsibly, 


PLAYBOY 


56 


MR2 SPYDER 


WAIT 45 MINUTES AFTER EATING. 


With variable valve timing for seamless power and an available 6-speed sequential manual 
transmission for clutchless shifting, the MR2 Spyder satisfies a big appetite for performance. 


ws MIKE PIAZZA 


а candid conversation with baseball’s best-hitting catcher about fighting 
roger clemens, playing heavy metal, dating playmates and, oh yeah, that gay stuff 


The best-hitting catcher in baseball history 
gets off on speed metal, Rolling Rock, belt- 
high fastballs and women with excellent 
breasts. He says he is not gay—you may have 
picked that up from the ellent breasts” 
comment. But he mentions it because a tab- 
loid paper made news with a rumor about 
his sexual orientation. In fact, Mike Piazza 
is the only ballplayer ever fo hold a press con- 
ference to discuss his sexuality. 

Piazza, 34, has hit 347 home runs in 10 
big league seasons. His 321 career batting 
average, astounding for a slow right-handed 
hitter, beats those of Barry Bonds, Willie 
Mays, Derek Jeter and Pete Rose. His 362 
average in 1997 is the highest ever by a 
catcher. Piazza could дий tomorrow and be a 
lock for the Hall of Fame. But the New York 
Mets star is nowhere near quitting. He says 
he's just hitting his stride 

Pretend you're Piazza for a night. You 
hammer а homer or two, then find your шау 
to a club in Soho or Tribeca, with every 
sports fan in sight trying to buy you a beer 
and girls jostling lo sit on your lap. If you 
weren't careful, your helmet size might swell 
a bit. But Ри ? “Dude, 1 just laugh,” he 
"I remember when nobody wanted me.” 

He was born in Norristown, Pennsylvania 
and іп 1988 went to Florida's Miami-Dade 


“What if I fight and get thrown out of the 
game? So Í prove my manliness—does that 
help ту team? No. 1 stayed in the game and 
hit a home run. H would not have happened 
if 1 had gone out and punched the pitcher.” 


Community College, where he was grabbed 
by the Los Angeles Dodgers. Well, not 
grabbed. Piazza was selected in the 62nd 
round of that year's draft of high school and 
college players, the 1390th player chosen. 
The slow junior college first baseman might 
not have been taken at all if it weren't for 
Dodgers manager Tommy Lasorda, a family 
Jriend who persuaded the team to use a draft 
pick on the kid. Five years latex, after con- 
verting to catcher, Piazza reached the bigs 
with a bang. Thirty-five bangs, 112 RBI 
and a .318 average made him Rookie of the 
Year. Waving one of the National League's 
biggest bats as if it were a swizzle stick, he 
has intimidated pitchers ever since. 

A model of consistency good for about 35 
homers and а 320 average every year, Piaz- 
za is also а magnet for controversy. In 2000 
he was beaned by Yankees headhunter Roger 
Clemens, then had a bizarre face-off with 
him in the World Series. Tabloids and trash 
TV reported on his many romances, then 
turned around and questioned his sexuality. 

We sent Kevin Cook to meet with Piazza in 
Florida as spring training began 


PLAYBOY: You got a raise this season, from 
$9.5 million to $14.5 million. 
PIAZZA; A raise? It's really just the way 


“There was this weird buzz around the team, 
so the Mets called а press conference. 1 just 
went and told the truth: Em not gay. And 
from now on, when I hear that Actor X is 
gay, ГИ have a healthy doubt about it.” 


my contract is structured. Some players’ 
deals are front-loaded, some are back- 
loaded, some get their money deferred. 
PLAYBOY: You're loaded. You get a pay- 
check every two weeks for $618,557.85. 
Do you plan to buy something you've 
been holding off on? 

PIAZZA: Nah, I'm not extravagant. Some 
people get fanatic about cars, like the 
hip-hop guys—they ve got six or seven 
rides with cool tires and rims. Cool hous- 
es, too. ГЇЇ admit that 1 have a sick fasci- 
nation with Cribs on MTV. 

PLAYBOY: You have two cribs in Florida— 
a house in Boynton Beach and a condo 
in Miami—plus an apartment in New 
York City. 

PIAZZA: But they're modest. So I might. 
have Cribs inferiority. I bought a big 
house when 1 got traded to the Mets. It 
was in Alpine, New Jersey. Suburbia. 1 
got a little bored sitting out there in 
12,000 square feet. There were rooms 1 
never went into. 

PLAYBOY: With your raise you could buy 
it back, put in some stripper poles and 
call Cribs. 

PIAZZA: No, I'll just watch. You know 
what amazes me on that show? The secu- 
rity systems that some guys have. I don't 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY C.J WALKER 
“AL school E was this weird metalhead-jock. I 
had the jeans aud boots and black concert 
T-shirts, but then Ға go to baseball practice. 
Maybe that's why I never got any chicks— 
the metal negated the jock.” 


57 


PLAYBOY 


58 PLAYBOY: Well, since 


want to think about what they're filming 
with all those cameras. 

PLAYBOY: А little over a усаг ago, the big 
story in baseball was your sexuality: The 
tabloids said а Mets star was gay. People 
thought it was you, and you called a 
press conference to say it wasn't. 

PIAZZA: I didn't call that press confer- 
ence. А newspaper writer came up to me 
and said, "Mike, it's none of our busi- 
ness, but аге you gay?" I said no, but the 
story wouldn't go away. There was this 
weird buzz around the team, so the Mets 
called a press conference. 1 just went and 
told the truth: I'm not gay. And from 
now on, when I hear that Actor X is gay, 
ГЇЇ have a healthy doubt about it. 
PLAYBOY: So you won't gossip 
about Tom Cruise? 

PIAZZA: No. But maybe Cruise 
should stand up and talk about 
it. Maybe his gossip keeps going 
because he never addressed it. 
PLAYBOY: Has your experience 
made it casier or harder for gay 
players to come out? 

PIAZZA: Harder. They can't help 
seeing what a huge deal those 
rumors were. It's too bad, be- 
cause it shouldn't be an issue. 
PLAYBOY: Do you have any gay 
friends? 
PIAZZA: Yes, and they were sup- 
portive. They were glad I was 
honest. 

PLAYBOY: Let's assume the: 
a gay ballplayer reading th 
Should he come out? 

PIAZZA: That's his decision. But 
if some guy in our clubhouse is 
confident enough to come out, 
ГЇЇ support him. If he does his 
job on the field, ГЇЇ regard him 
as a regular guy. 

PLAYBOY: You've dated Darlene 
Bernaola, Playmate of the Mil- 
lennium. What did she make of 
the gay rumors? 

PIAZZA: Darlene stood up for 
me. She said that we had a very 
healthy sex life. Wasn't that nice 
of her? 

PLAYBOY: Darlene isn't the only 
Centerfold you've gone clubbing with. 
What is it with you and Playmates? 
PIAZZA: Pcople also ask rock stars why 
they date Playmates. I heard one о! 
them say it’s like the old joke about why 
a dog licks himself. “Because he can.” 
PLAYBOY: Do you still have Darlene's ini- 
tials tattooed on your ankle? 

PIAZZA: [Showing off his bare ankle] Not 
anymore. Now I've got this. 

PLAYBOY: It's a unicorn. 

PIAZZA: It’s a stallion. With a horn. Isn't 
it cool? 

PLAYBOY: The Italian uni-stallion? 
PIAZZA: Darlene’s initials are under it. 
PLAYBOY: Answer a stats question. What's 
your carcer sex-partner total? 
PIAZZA: Do 1 have to give a number? 
you, a ballpark 


figure will suffice. 
PIAZZA: More than five, fewer than 100. 
I'm not macho about having a lot of girl- 
friends at one time. There were years 
when I had three or four at a time, but 
I'm selective. I try to be faithful when 
I'm in a relationship. Of course there are 
the girls you know here and there who 
you don't have relationships with, but 
they're nor just friends, either. 

PLAYBOY: nds plus 
PIAZZA: Right. Friends with benefits. 
PLAYBOY: Are you in a relationship now? 
PIAZZA: | am, and she is without a doubt 
the most beautiful girl Гус ever dated. 
And you know what? The first part of my 
life was totally focused on baseball, but 


If some guy is confident enough to 


come out, l'Il support him. 111 
regard him as a regular guy. 


I've grown up a little. Living through 
September 1] in New York, that has to 
change you. I'm thinking the next chap- 
ter is settling down, starting a family. 
PLAYBOY: h your current girlfriend? 
PIAZZA: That's a tough question. Maybe. 
1 hope so. 

PLAYBOY: Tell us a little about her. 
PIAZZA: Gcez, l'm nervous now. 
name is Alicia Rickter. 

PLAYBOY: А Playmate! Miss October 19 
PIAZZA: And she's an actress. We met in 
LA last October. I don't want to spin itor 
jinx it by talking about her too much, but 
sheisa great girl. She's got her career in 
LA, and I'm in New York, but we're hav- 
ing fun. Let's just see what happens. 
PLAYBOY: Most fans don't know it, but 
every spring a doctor goes around to 


Her 


major league teams, lecturing the play- 
ers about safe sex. 

PIAZZA: It's not a scolding; it's informa- 
tive. The FBI comes around, too, and 
tells us about drugs. That's how I first 
heard about ecstasy. 

Guys need to hear the sex stufT. Lenny 
Harris used to say, "When 1 was youn- 
ger, you didn't worry about nothing. 
Now you gotta wrap that thing up." I'm 
not implying Lenny was promiscuous, 
just funny. "You go out tonight," he says, 
"something can jump into your system 
and kill your ass.” 

PLAYBOY: How about you? Do you prac- 
tice sale sex? 
PIAZZA: Absolutely. 
PLAYBOY: What's your favorite 
brand of condom? 
PIAZZA: God, 1 hope my mom 
doesn't read this. Trojans work 
for me. The ones in the blue 
package. Trojan large—they re 
fine. It's tricky, though, putting 
on a condom. 
PLAYBOY: Your hero Ted Wil- 
liams called hitting a baseball 
the hardest task in sports. Is it 
tougher to put on a condom 
than it is to hit? 
PIAZZA: [Laughing] It definitely 
takes coordination. 
PLAYBOY: Do you have a favorite 
home run? In 1997 you hit one 
out of Dodger Stadium. It was 
only the second time that ever 
happened. 
PIAZZA: That was cool, but my 
favorite might be one in Phil- 
adelphia. I ћи a fastball off 
Mike Williams and it just kept 
going. It went into a tunnel in 
the center-field seats, a couple 
of levels up. I'm glad I got that 
one, because Williams devel- 
oped a nasty split-finger pitch. 
Now he's the Pirates’ closer, 
and 1 don't think Гуе had a ћи 
off him in three years. 
PLAYBOY: Do fastballs go the 
farthest? 
PIAZZA: Sometimes an ofl-speed 
pitch travels far because you hit 
it in front of you. And since I tend to 
swing down a little, I'll put backspin on 
the ball. Backspin makes a ball carr 
ms had terrific 
His eyesight was 20-10. What's yours? 
me. But for me, hitting is all 
feel. I never watch myself on tape. 1 just 
step into the box and let it flow. I try to 
slow everything down. I'll take my time, 
make the pitcher slow dow 
PLAYBOY: You're deliberate at the plate. 15 
that а message to the pitcher? 
PIAZZA: Not consciously. But if I project 
my confidence, it’s OK if he sees it 
PLAYBOY: You're a psych art 
PIAZZA: I'm not. 
pitcher sees Tm in the mode, he might 
not feel so confident. 
PLAYBOY: What goes through your head 


when he throws a 95 mph fastball? Is it 
? Images? 
More like music. Last year there 
was a stretch when I was hot and I was 
hearing Led Zeppelin's No Quarter in my 
head. The stadium's full of noise, but all 
I could hear was Robert Plant go 
"The dogs of doom are howling more! 
PLAYBOY: You're an amateur drummer, а 
heavy metal fan. 
PIAZZA: I discovered it in high school. 1 
went to hundreds of concerts: AC/DC, 
Van Halen, Iron Maiden, Metallica. At 
school I was this weird metalhead-jock. 1 
had the jeans and boots and black con- 
cert T-shirts, but then I'd go to baseball 
practice. Maybe that’s why I never got 
any chicks—the metal negated the jock. 
1 didn't have sex until I got to college. 
PLAYBOY: So you were your high school's 
home run-hitting metalhead virgin? 
PIAZZA: Funny, huh? 1 didn't date much, 
didnt even go to the prom. Then in my 
freshman year of college, 1 finally had 
sex with a girl. It was alcohol-enhanced. 
We started drinking, and then boom. 
PLAYBOY: How did you perform? 
PIAZZA: OK, 1 guess, би —1 was really 
nervous. I come from a pretty conserva- 
tive Catholic family, and I'm proud of 
my faith. So 1 had а moral problem, the 
idea that what we were doing was wrong. 
PLAYBOY: So premarital sex is a sin? 
PIAZZA: Yes, of course it is. 
PLAYBOY: Do you still think that? 
PIAZZA: It's definitely not right. But on 
the same note, sex is a natural progres- 
sion in a relationship. You meet a 
and fall in love and it happens. It's nat- 
ural, but I was taught it’s wrong. 
PLAYBOY: After you have sex with a girl, 
do you go to confession and tell a priest? 
PIAZZA: Yes, I do, 
PLAYBOY: You stick to your beliefs. 
PIAZZA: I struggle with this. I think an 
intimate relationship is better if you 
care about the girl. Bur as a man, you 
want to get physical. 
PLAYBOY: You must have had some one- 
night stands. 
Piazza: Yeah, and I admit I felt a little 
numb afterward. 
PLAYBOY: What's the penance for pre- 
marital sex? 
PIAZZA: It depends on the priest. There's 
been a lot of negative stuff about priests 
lately, but there are some cool, hip ones. 
I've got friends who are priests. If I con- 
fess to them, they'll say, “Hey, we teach 
for marriage, but if 
girl, that matters, too.” 
They might not condone it, but they 
understand it. 
PLAYBOY: Have you ever had sex and 
thers”? 
ays part 
of a man that's ready to launch into ani- 
mal instinct. 
PLAYBOY: So we're all sinners? 
PIAZZA: Life is all about forks in the road. 
Too many of us look to others for direc- 
tion. You need to follow your own heart. 


g 


MIKE PIAZZAS GREATEST HITS 


A superstar's decade in the big leagues proves 
there's danger, revenge and plenty of crying in baseball 


Game: Dodgers vs. Cubs, 9/1/92 

The Shot: With his dad in the stands, 
Piazza doubles in his major league de- 
but. He adds twa singles and a walk and 
finishes his first day os a big leaguer with 
a batting average of 1.000. 

The Upshot: The following spring, Mike 
beats out Dodgers catcher Mike Scioscia 
(now the Angels’ manager) and goes an 
ta hit .318 with 35 homers. The 1993 
Rookie of the Year signs a then-huge 
three-year, $4.2 million contract. 


Game: Dodgers vs. Rackies, 9/21/97 
The Shot: In the third inning at Dodger 
Stadium, Piazza launches а muonshat 
off Frank Castillo. His 478-foot homer 
lands in the parking lot, making him 
anly the second player to hit one all the 
way out of the Dodgers’ home park 
The Upshot: The next day's Las Angeles 
Times reads PIAZZA'S HOMER DENTS SOME 
CARS. His .362, 40-hamer, 124 RBI seo- 
son is the best ever far a catcher. 


Game: Mets vs. Yankees, 7/8/00 

The Shot: A rising Roger Clemens fost- 
ball beans Piozza, who drops like he's 
been fired upon and goes to the hospital 
with a concussion. Infamous headhunter 
Clemens shows no remorse. 

The Upshot: At а press canference, 
Piozza soys that he no longer respects 
Clemens, while Mets manager Bobby Усі- 
entine pines far revenge. "I hope some- 
doy he'll pitch in the National League, 
so we can pitch to him.” 


Game: Mets vs. Yankees, 10/22/00 
The Shot: Facing Clemens in game two 
of the World Series, Piazza swings and 
breaks his bat. The barrel spins toward 
Clemens, who grabs the bat and hurls it 
at Mike. Knowing a fight might get him 
ejected, Piazza keeps cool, stays in the 
game and clubs a ninth-inning homer. 
The Upshot: ROGER STICKS IT TO MIKE AND 
METS says New York's Daily News. The 
Mets lose the game and the Series but 
win over a few million fans. 


Game: Mets vs. Braves, 9/21/01 

The Shot: The first pro sporting event in 
post-9/11 New York comes down to one 
at-bat: Piazza's two-run homer off Steve 
Korsay gives the Mets a 3-2 win 

The Upshot: Pitcher Karsay kicks him- 
self for walking the previous hitter: 
don't put a guy on base in front of Piaz- 
za.” In the Mets clubhouse, Lenny Harris 
watches cheering fans in Shea Stadium 
and says, “Whoever thaught this rag- 
gedy old place could look so good?” 


59 


PLAYBOY 


and if what you do isn't popular, do it 
anyway. But I'm not one to judge any- 
body. If you don't believe what I do, 1 
might think you're missing something, 
but you choose your own road. 

PLAYBOY: Do you still go to Mass every 
Sunday? 

PIAZZA: I miss a few, but then I go to 
confession. 

PLAYBOY: In July 2000, the Yankees’ Rog- 
er Clemens beaned you with a fastball. 
Alter you got out of the hospital you said 
you'd lost respect for him. 

PIAZZA: 1 felt he'd insulted me. Sure, I 
could have said, "It's part of the game,” 
and getting hit is part of the game. It 
looms over every hitter. But there were 
variables with him. I had swung the bat 
well against him. 

PLAYBOY: In your 12 carcer at-bats against 
Clemens you were hitting .583. 

PIAZZA: And he isa tremendously precise 
pitcher. He knows where the ball is go- 
ing. So he ћи me and 1 called him on it. 
End of story, І thought. 

PLAYBOY: Then came the 2000 World Se- 
ries, the Yankees-Mets Subway Series. 
Your first time up against Clemens was 
the most hyped at-bat of the year. You 
swung and broke your bat, and it bounced 
toward the mound. Clemens picked up 
the barrel of the bat and threw it at you. 
PIAZZA: Surrcal. The ball went foul, but I 
didn't know that. I jog toward first and 
the bat goes whizzing by те. So I yell at 
him: “What's your problem?” I had to 
see if it was calculated. But he says по. 
He says, “I thought it was the ball.” He 
was obviously jacked up. In essence, 1 
think he kind of cracked. 

PLAYBOY: You were calmer. 

PIAZZA: 1 can't play all jacked up. I don't 
think that way and I could never hit that 
way. 1 would freakin’ spin myself into the 
ground. Some people called me out and 
questioned my manhood—why didn't 
T go out and fight him? Like I need to 
prove my macho in a World Series game. 
If I had thought he was lying, I'm sure 
we would have fought. But he was all ex- 
cited and he thought it was the ball. And 
what if 1 fight and get thrown out of the 
game? So 1 prove my manliness—does 
that help my team? No. I stayed in the 
game and ћи а home run in the ninth in- 
ning. It's one of the proudest homers іп 
my life, and it would not have happened 
if I had gone out and punched the pitch- 
er. It’s amusing to me—and typi 
that in all the hype and coverage, my 
thinking about that was never discussed. 
PLAYBOY: You were thinking ahead. 

PIAZ: Russell would say, “That's just 
it, mate. 
PLAYBOY: Russell? 

PIAZZA: Russell Crowe. He's a cool dude, 
man. Met him backstage when I went to 
sce his band, 30 Odd Foot of Grunts. 
Russell is obviously a great actor, and 


60 he's just a good dude. 


PLAYBOY: You must be the only person 
who hangs with both Russell Crowe and 
Fabio. 

PIAZZA: Fabio and I hung at a Super Bowl 
party. We both love hi-fi equipment. My 
brand is Krell: class-A amplification for 
people who demand the most out of mu- 
sic and movies at home. I get off on that. 
1 have a killer home theater. Come over 
and watch Patton or Ben-Hur or Glory with. 
me. You'll think you're in the movie. 
PLAYBOY: Some players call you Pizza 
Man. Do you have other nicknames? 
PIAZZA: Skull. Eric Davis and 1 were tak- 
ing batting practice, trying to hit hom- 
ers, and I said, “You gotta drop the skull 
on it.” The head of the bat. So he started 
calling me Skull. 

PLAYBOY: There used to be a lot more 
clubhouse pranks—rookie hazing, hot- 
foots, putting Heet ointment in a guy's 
jock. 15 baseball less fun than it was when 
you came up? 

Piazza: There is not as much hazing. 
Fhere's so much player movement you 
may not know the other veterans, so you 
don't have the sort of cohesion you need 
to gang up on the rookies. But we do 
what we can. Last year we made the 
rookies dress up on a road trip to Mon- 
treal. One kid had to walk through the 
airport dressed as Supe . Jim Ma- 
lone, our strength coach, is а 250-pound 
guy who looks like Goldberg—we dressed 
him up as a ballerina. A lot of people 
stared at him in shock, but the Customs 
agents had seen it before. They look 
at Superman and Jim the ballerina and 
they say, “Оһ. Rookies." 

PLAYBOY: You were with the Dodgers 
when Chan Ho Park got hazed. He 
found his clothes cut to shreds and went 
ballistic. Park is from Korea. He didn't 
know about the tradition. 

PIAZZA: 1 think he knew. He just wasn't 
very accommodating. We were trying to 
get him to lighten up. 
PLAYBOY: Here's a heavy topi g 
to first base. Catching is brutal. Your 
knees ache, you had groin and thumb 
problems last year. You're not a great de- 
fensive catcher, Why not switch and pro- 
long your career? 

PIAZZA: One day ГЇЇ switch, but not this 
усат. Mo Vaughn's our first baseman. 
PLAYBOY: You were still with the Dodgers 
when the issue first came ир. Did it enter 
your mind that Eric Karros, one of your 
best friends, was their first baseman? 
PIAZZA: Of course it did. But I also look 
at how I help the ball club, and that's by 
being a catcher who hits. OK, I don't 
throw runners out like Ivan Rodriguez, 
but who does? I hit more than some 
hitter who bats eighth in the lin 
1 do my best on defense. Just don't com- 
pare me to Johnny Bench, because no- 
body compares to him. 
PLAYBOY: Are you saying Bench was bet- 
ter than you? He hit 389 home runs in 


his 17-year career. You started this sca 
son with 347. His career batting average 
was .267. Yours 21. 

PIAZZA: I'm not discounting myself. I 
help the team more than a guy who 
throws ош 10 percent more runners and 
hits 10 homers. 

PLAYBOY: Bench had huge hands. He 
could hold seven bascballs in onc hand. 
How many can you hold? 

PIAZZA: Probably two. Hc had meat- 
hooks, but 1 have small hands for a 
catcher. Small hands don't help. 
PLAYBOY: When you're catching, do you 
talk to the hitters? 

PIAZZA: Not much. I dont like guys talk- 
ing to me when I hit, so I give them 
the same space. Funny things happen, 
though. There was one hitter—Tim Wal- 
lach, a good dude—who swung at a pitch 
and farted. From that day on he was 
known as Stinky. 

PLAYBOY: What goes on during mound 
conferences? 

PIAZZA: They re not clean. 

PLAYBOY: You and Mets pitcher Al Leiter 
arc buddies 
PIAZZA: One night I called time and went 
out to Al on the mound. We looked 
around at the guys on base and 1 did the 
Chevy Chase bit in Caddyshack: “You're 
not that good,” I said. “You suck.” When 
it comes to mound conferences 1 always 
think of John Roseboro, a great old 
Dodgers catcher who was one of my first 
catching coaches. “Sometimes, babe,” he 
told me, “sometimes you gotta go out 
there and let the wind blow a little bit.” 
PLAYBOY: Let the wind blow? 

PIAZZA: Make the next hitter wait. That's 
how you take away the other team's mo- 
mentum. You let them wait and think. 
You stand ош on the mound and let 
the wind blow. 

PLAYBOY: Pretty Zen. 

PIAZZA: One time Mark Cresse, anoth- 
cr catching coach, was teaching tech- 
nique—footwork, weight shift, getting 
the ball from the mitt to your throwing 
hand, making an accurate throw to sec- 
ond. Johnny Roseboro is standing on 
the baseline, smoking a cigarette, and he 
says, "Babe, here's my catching lesson: 
There's 50,000 people in the stands— 
don't let them sec you throw it into cen- 
ter field." 

PLAYBOY: You used to catch Tom Candiot- 
t's knuckleball. 

PIAZZA: That's a catcher's nightmare. 
But we had our moments. One night we 
had a big lead. Candiot ants to have 
some fun, so he decides to throw noth- 
ing but fasıballs. His slow fasıballs. So we 
try it, and the hitters are puzzled. We get 
a couple of outs, but then they figure it 
out and they're just teeing off, hitting 
rockets all over the lot. Candiotti calls me 
out. We kick a little dirt around and let 
the wind blow. He says, "Forget plan B." 


© 2003 R1. REYNOLDS TOBACCO co. 


TURKISH BLE NDS, 


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PLAYBOY 


PLAYBOY: Didn't you hit Candiotti with a 
throw to second base? 

PIAZZA: Му rookie у "re ahead 10 
to 3 and Ozzie Smith was trying to steal 
second. 

PLAYBOY: That's bad form. 

PIAZZA: The pitch was down and away. I 
should have just eaten the ball, but it's 
annoying that Ozzie is stealing, so 1 
throw off-balance and ћи Candiotti in 
the butt. The next day our pitchers all 
showed up with targets taped 10 their 
back pockets. 

PLAYBOY: Catching is dangerous. You've 
got base runners crashing into you, foul 
ups off your meat hand. 

PIAZZA: My right index finger is crooked. 
It's probably broken, but 1 just tape it 
up. A nicked hand is better than getting 
hit in the head with а bat. Gary Sheffield 
followed through on a swing and hit me 
with his Баг, cut my head wide open. 
PLAYBOY: In the course of a season, how 
many days are you pain free? 

PIAZZA: First day of spring training. After 
that, you're never pain free. 

PLAYBOY: How does a hot streak feel? 
PIAZZA: You're so dialed in you can feel 
the power in your hands. It’s musical. 
Sexual. But it's not bump and grind— 
it’s more karmic, like walking on the 
beach with a girl. 
PLAYBOY: Music and sunsets? But hitting 
is violent. 

PIAZZA: Only when you swing. Then it's 
four one-hundredths of a second of con- 
trolled violence. That's when I'm trying 
to hit the ball so hard it takes the third 
baseman's dick off. 

PLAYBOY: What's your worst moment on 
the field? 

PIAZZA: My rookie year, in a tie game 
with a guy on third, 1 called time out and 
went to the mound. But players can’t call 
time, the umpire has to do it, and the 
ump didn't give me time. Runner comes 
home, we lose. Alter the game I grabbed 
a pack ol cigarettes from somebody's 
locker and started chain-smoking. 
PLAYBOY: You were a smoker? 

o, I was just punishing myself. 
Cigarettes іп а row, 
saying, “Man, I fucked up. 
PLAYBOY: Who was the pitcher? 

PIAZZA: Orel Hershiser. He knew that I 
had made an honest mistake, but he was 
bummed out. I didn't expect him to say, 
“Here, have a Lifesaver, ki 
PLAYBOY: Name a hitter you admire. 


ma. If 1 could be another ballplayer for 
а day, 1 would want to be him. He just 
brims with confidence, and there’s noth- 
ing he can't do on the field. At an age 
when a lot of ballplayers are slowing 
down, he elevated his physical presence 
and got better. He's one of the top three 
or four players of all time. 


62 PLAYBOY: Doesn't it annoy you when he 


hits a home run and stands there admir- 


rookie stands and looks, 
under my skin. 
PLAYBOY: Some people clai 
is on steroids, 

PIAZZA: That's 


ї really gets 


1 that Bonds 


a broad brush. In the past 


g isn't just strength. DT it were, you 
would have Mr: Olympia contestants com- 
ing off the stage and hitting homers. 
PLAYBOY: A lot of hitters look like Mr. 
Olympia contestants. 

PIAZZA: And alot of pitchers aren't doing 
the job. Some of them give up on getting 
guys out. They're thinking, I don't care 
ІГІ make a good рисћ— the guy's on 
steroids, he'll hit it out of the park. 
PLAYBOY: You're blaming the pitchers? 
PIAZZA: | am not denying that some guys 
use steroids. But when you see а lot of 
home runs, it's not just steroids. It’s the 
way the game is changing. There's so 
much emphasis on power. Guys are work- 
ing out and getting strong, and homers 
are bound to go up. You've got leadoff 
hitters who aren't ashamed to strike out 
100 times a year, because hitters get paid 
for homers and RBI, nothing else. “Oh, 
I struck out 100 times and hi 0, but I 
hit 30 homers. That's good for $6 mil- 
lion or $7 million a year.” Nobody cares 
if you get the runner from second to 
third with no outs. 

PLAYBOY: Baseball now has a steroid-test- 
ing plan. It's more of a survey, reall 
The players union says it wants to see 
if there's а problem before any serious 
testing starts. 

PIAZZA: It’s a first step. But once you 
open that door, where does it end? Some 
guys drink a pot of coffee before а game. 
Ts that performance-enhancing? Guys 
have used greenies—amphetamines. It's 
amazing how selective enforcement can 
be. Painkillers don't carry the same sort 
of stigma, but they can be abused. Tear 
are worried about steroids. 
load ир а pitcher with an anti 
tory so he can pitch. 

PLAYBOY: What do you take? 
PIAZZA: Vitamins. Ripped Fuel is kind of 
cool. I've used creatine, but Га rather 
eat a good dinner. From what I've read, 
there's more creatine in eight ounces of 
salmon than two tablespo 
PLAYBOY: One drug that's с; 
is GHB. You had a friend who died, sup- 
posedly from abusing it. GHB has been 
used as a nutritional supplement, but it's 
also a date-rape drug. 

Everyone's always looking for a 
new kick. People were doing a lot of 
GHB a few years ago. They could slip it 
into your drink and you wouldn't know. 
PLAYBOY: And then you would wake up 


but they'll 


without your wallet. 

PIAZZA: I'm careful when I go out. If 
somebody hands me an open beer, 1 say 
thanks and go get my own. Гле had guys 
say, "What, my beer's not good enough 
for you?" I say, "If you want to buy me a 
beer, let me see the guy open the bottle." 
It's not an insult, it's just being smart 
PLAYBOY: For a club-hopping superstar, 
you're low-key. 

PIAZZA: | don't have a posse and I 
try to pull rank. 1 don't try to get a 
by saying, "Do you know who I am? 
course, that doesn't stop me from sitting 
there looking like a puppy dog, 
“Perhaps you might know who I am. 
PLAYBOY: You're one of the game's top 
power guys, but you've never struck out 
100 times. Is there anything you hate 
more than striking out? 

PIAZZA: Getting hit in the nuts. One time 
I took one on the cup and ту left testi- 
cle turned purple. And people laugh! It 
pisses me off when that happens and 
guys laugh. That's when I really wanted 
to grab somebody, b s not funny. 
PLAYBOY: Let's go back to your boyhood. 
How did you learn to hit? 

PIAZZA: When I was 11 my dad built me 
a batting cage with a pitching machine. 1 
would hit every day after school. In the 
winter Га warm up the baseballs on a 
wood-burning stove—you had to heat 
them or they felt like cueballs—and put 
pipe insulation around the handles of 
my bats, I'd hit for hours after school. It 
became an addiction. 1 dreamed about 
the major leagues, but it was really 
about Little League. The more 1 
better I did in Litle League. By the time 
I was 13, Га made the all-star team. In 
10th grade I got cut from varsity but 
made ЈУ. Т was 16 the day Ted Wil 
came over. He was doing an autograph 
show in Valley Forge and had a couple of 
hours to kill. So this scout, a friend of my 
dad's, brought him by to see me hit. 
PLAYBOY: Did Williams give you advice? 
PIAZZA: He told me, “Don't let anybody 
change your swing.” And then, walking 
out of the cage, ће said that hitting the 
ball is only half the battle. He taps his 
[he other half^s in here. 
It's working the count, thinking ahead, 
reacting to the pitcher's deception." He 
told me to read his book. So I run up- 
stairs to get my copy of The Science of Ни- 
ling. He signed it for me: "То Mike. Fol- 
low this book. As good as you look now, 
n 1988.” So 


PLAYBOY: Your father was close friends 
with Tommy Lasorda, the longtime 
Dodgers manager. 
PIAZZA: My dad knew lots of people. He 
was a car salesman and a driven man. 
He's almost 70 now and still works on his 
farm. He's got 80 acres in Valley Forge 
(continued on page 150) 


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SINGE 1913 ж 


ue 


Не was an aging eccentric rock genius, more famous for 
guns and tirades than for hit records. She was a beautiful 
B-movie actress who needed a break. When the sun rose 
on their late-night meeting, she was dead, and he was in 
handcuffs. The timeline of a tragic Hollywood intersection 


by STEVE POND 


On another night, under diferent cir- 
cumstances, Lana Clarkson's visit to the house in Alhambra 
would have been mysterious and exciting: A chauffeur pilot- 
ing a white 1964 Rolls-Royce Silver Cloud, or maybe a new 
black Mercedes 5430, picks her up at her modest rented 
bungalow in Venice and drives her across Los Angeles to a 
suburb a few miles northeast of downtown. They travel a 
short distance down Alhambra’s main drag, Valley Boule- 
vard, a nondescript street lined with aging one-story build- 
ings and dingy mini-malls; turning off, they drive a couple 
of blocks up a small hill, past single-story homes. Near the 
top of the hill, the chauffeur drives through a pair of 10-foot 
iron gates that bear three signs warning interlopers of high 
voltage and security cameras. 

Once inside the gates, the driver stops and opens the door 
for the six-foot, 40-year-old blonde actress. “Mr. Spector,” he 
says, “likes people to walk from here.” A broad stone stair- 
way leads her from the driveway up the hill to her left, until 
she approaches an imposing, turreted chateau. Over the 


front door is a weathered sign that once hung above the 
Sunset Strip offices of the hottest producer in the recording 
industry: PHIL SPECTOR INTERNATIONAL PRODUCTIONS. 

Inside the house, Clarkson would have noticed the 
mementos: John Lennon's guitar, a photo of Spector in his 
cameo role as a drug dealer in Easy Rider, candids of him 
with Chuck Berry, Nancy Sinatra and others. There are no 
family portraits. Heavy draperies cover every window, and a 
musty smell hangs in the air. As an actress who studied the 
classic films of Hollywood's golden age, Clarkson might have 
conjured thoughts of Charles Foster Kane alone in his 
Xanadu, or of Norma Desmond, the aging star whose man- 
sion became a mausoleum in Sunset Boulevard. 

Then he appears, wearing a velvet jacket, perhaps, or an- 
other favorite, a monogrammed black silk robe, three-inch 
heels on his shoes, sunglasses on his nose. “Hello,” he says 
softly. "I'm Phil Spector.” He is known to be a gracious 
host—a touch theatrical, but a solicitous and friendly man 
who is ready to regale a guest with stories from a life spent as 


PHIL SPECTOR PHOTOGRAPH BY © MARY ELLEN MARK 


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one of the titans of rock and roll 

But that's not how Lana Clarkson came to be at Phil Spec- 
tor's home on the morning of February 3, 2003. She arrived 
there in the middle of the night with her host, compelled to his 
faux castle in the suburbs by the promise of something. A job? 
A connection? A friend who would understand what it's like 
when youth slips away and you realize that your moment has 
passed? Any of those comforts would have made Clarkson 
grateful. Even if Spector spoke not a single promise to his beau- 
tiful partner in the hours they spent together, she had to know 
that simple proximity to him created a world of possibilities. 

What was the exact nature of the transaction between these 
creatures of Hollywood? Clarkson had turned 40 in April 2002, 
а B-movie actress of fading beauty, though that summation 
seems unfair to the orderly, striving life she led. Spector, a gun- 
loving eccentric, one of the original architects of rock and roll, 
hadn't produced a hit in 30 years but had battled to a standstill 
personal demons that included alcohol and mental illness. 

The evening Spector and Clarkson spent together ended 
two hours before dawn with gunfire and a call to 911. When 
police arrived, published reports asserted, Clarkson was al- 
ready dead from a head wound, blood puddling around her 
on the cold marble floor. Spector was led away in handcuffs 
and booked on suspicion of murder. The full story of what 
happened in their final moments alone will take months for 
police to piece together. What's becoming clear is the pro- 
gression of events that drew them together from opposite 
sides of Los Angeles only hours before. 

The town considered them past their prime, but Phil 


O KNOW НІМ IS TO FEAR HIM: PHIL SPECTOR THROUGH THE YEAR 


With the Teddy Bears, — Marriage to Roni Bennett of the А ға According to Ronnie, - 
Spector releases his Ronettes. Bade R " lock | ћег 
first hit, To Know Him u h у into 


used intercoms to sp! 
r опе point, Spector st 
once pulled а gun on mother a glass coffin and says if 
‚someone who made R leaves him, he'll kill her 


p dues 


IN CUSTODY: Phil Spector. who produced Mts by the Beatles 
Ronettes and other groups, leaves the Alhambra police station. 


Music Legend Phil Spector 
Arrested in Woman's Killing 


Lana Clarkson. 40. ef Los Ar- 


The record producer is 
sees. an actress who attracted a 


taken into custody after 
actress body is found in 
his Alhambra mansion. 


Sut folowing from her roles In 
Els y director Roger Corman 
"has appeared widely in TY 
programs nnd commercials. Her 
body was sprowled In the marble 
foyer. Los Angeles County sher” 
Us investigators sald 
‚Alhambra police immediately 
arrested Spector, 62, the sound. 
bourd genius behind zuch hits as 


By Ororr Boucuen, 
RICHARD WinTon 
AND ANDREW BLANKBTEIN 


Phil Spector 


th, venta 


af Sound" recording technique 
маз arrested on suspicion of 
murder early Monday after an 


Spector points a gun 
at Leonard Cohen. 
“He put his arm 

my shoul- 


ays Cohen, 
“and shoved a ге- 
volver into my neck 


. my heart," accord- 


This page, clockwise from 
above: Spector with his 
daughter, Nicole, in 1997; 
the troubled music legend 
gets the perp-ride treatment 
at the hands of the Los Ange- 
les Times; detectives at the 
front gate of Spector's man- 
sion; outside the House of 
Blues nightclub, a frequent 
haunt of Spector's, where 
Clarkson had taken a job as 
а VIP hostess. Previous 
page, clockwise from top 
left: Warning: Genius de- 
mands total privacy (note the 
Einstein reference); Spector's 
Alhambra mansion, named 
Pyrenes Castle, was actually 
a faux chateau with 10 bed- 
rooms and eight and a half 
baths: cops establish a crime 
scene there after Clarkson's 
tragic death on the morning 
of February 3; Clarkson in 
the title role of Barbarian 
Queen, the Roger Corman 
film that brought her fame as 
а B-movie star. Clarkson in 
1996, in the lead role in Vice 
Girls, one more gig in a 20- 
year career; at the Hollywood 
Collectors show in 2001, 
peddling her celebrity for 
die-hard fans. 


According to his son 
Donte, the 10-year-old 
runs away from home 
after what he de- 
scribes as years of 
abuse. Years later, he 
refers to their relation- 
ship as “a tl 
tween love and hate.” 


Ramones’ End of 
the Century, Spec- 
tor threatens Dee 
Dee Ramone and 
“levels his gun at 


ing to Dee Dee. 


Spector and Lana Clarkson were still pursuing their dreams 
in Hollywood. Spector, who turned 62 last December 26, had 
the growing urge to make music the way he once had. "Не 
was ready to go,” says David Kessel, a guitarist who had 
played with Spector many times since 1975. “He said to me, 
“Let's make some records.’ I hadn't heard that in a long time, 
id, ‘Do you really want to make records, or is this just 
wishful thinking? And he said, ‘No, I'm really ready to do it. " 
For Clarkson, it wasn't a matter of getting back to where 
she'd been; the actress wanted to move on. “She was reinvent- 
ing herself," says actress Athena Massey, а friend of Clarkson's. 
“Whatever that took, Lana was driven to do it. She was a lifer.” 


From the upstairs windows of his hilltop mansion, Phil Spec- 
tor could look out through the trees and survey his domain 
Нед wanted a castle, a hard thing to come by in southern Cal- 
ifornia these days. But in 1998, Spector found his dream house 
atop a small rise in Alhambra, a middle-class community 
tucked between the high-rises of downtown LA and the hill- 
side mansions of Pasadena, where Spector had been living. 

Sitting on a heavily wooded hill, the 8600-square-foot, 10- 
bedroom house was dubbed the Pyrenes Castle, though the 
beige walls and red tile roof gave the home more the арреаг- 
ance of a chateau than a castle. Spector bought it for $1.1 mil- 
lion, a bargain in the southern California housing marker; its 
value to many buyers was diminished by its proximity to fast- 
food joints and the occasional tattoo parlor. 

То his neighbors, ће was indeed a specter. He rarely, if ever, 
spoke to those who lived on the other side of his high walls 
(Local teens believed the castle was owned by skateboarder 


Tony Hawk.) But Spector 

had always stood apart, |М A RECENT INTER- 

separate and often distant VIEW, SPECTOR 

fr ће d him. , 

He vas a short, asthmatic, ADMITTED НЕ IS 

boy, the son of a father BIPOLAR. “I WOULD 

who'd killed himself ina SAY l'M PROBABLY 
INSANE TO AN EX- 
TENT," HE ADDED. 


bout of depression and a 
mother who smothered 
and protected her child. 
He had lived in New York 
City, and then, after his father's death when Spector was 
eight, in the Fairfax district of Los Angeles. 

“I don't know that we had an official ‘least likely to succeed” 
tabulation, but if we did he'd have won the honor,” says writer 
Burt Prelutsky, who attended Fairfax High School with Spec- 
tor. “It always seemed like he was on the outskirts, the only 
person at Fairfax who didn't plan to go to college. Of course, a 
year later he had the number one record in the country." 

That came when Spector wrote, produced and helped per- 
form the song To Know Him Is to Love Hin, borrowing the ide 
from a phrase on his father's tombstone. His group, the Ted- 
dy Bears, didn't stay together long, because the teenaged 


Spector's then girl 
friend Devra Robi- 
taille adds to the 
Spector legend by 
saying, “He'd turn 
from a lover into a 
monster in a split 
second. He always 
carried two guns.” 


tells the UK's Daily 
Telegraph, "I have 
devils inside that 
fight me.” In Febru- 
ary, Spector is ar- 
ted after Lana 
Clarkson is shot 
dead in his home. 


line be- 


68 


Spector quickly realized he preferred producing to perform- 
ing—a wise choice, say classmates who remember his notori- 
ously bad debut at a high school talent show. He started up 
Philles Records and began masterminding hit after hit: Be My 
Baby, Da Doo Ron Ron, You've Lost That Lovin’ Feelin’. 

More important, Spector revolutionized the sound of pop 
music and gave the role of producer an importance seldom 
enjoyed by others. He used an army of musicians to fashion 
what became known as the wall of sound: two drummers, 
three pianists, four guitarists, background vocalist upon back- 
ground vocalist. He mixed the records in mono, adding layers 
to make a dense sound that captured the intensity of teenage 
passion and would have a profound influence on musicians 
like John Lennon and Brian Wilson. 

Still, he felt hated and resented. Prelutsky remembers that 
Spector showed up at his 10-year high school reunion in a 
limo, with three bodyguards to keep his former classmates at 
bay: “He said he did it to let everybody know that he felt about 
them the same way they felt about him when he was in high 
school.” Twenty years later, Spector again attended a reunion, 
but this time he didn’t 
even deign to enter the 
hall. “He sat in the foy 
ex.” says Prelutsky. “But 
he made sure every- 
body saw him on their 
way in.” 

Spector essentially 
retired when he was in 
his mid-20s. He mar- 
ried Veronica (Ronnie) 
Bennett, lead singer ol 
the Ronettes, and took 
her to his heavily 
guarded Beverly Hills 
estate. He went back in- 
to action to produce the 
Beatles’ final album, Let 
It Be, as well as solo hits 
for John Lennon (in- 
cluding Instant Karma 
and Imagine) and 
George Harrison (My 
Sweet Lord). By the mid- 
Seventies, though, Spec- 
tor's output had become sporadic, and stories about his ec- 
centricities and his rages grew. Ronnie Spector fled in 1972, 
later saying that she was sure she would have died in the 
house had she stayed. 


Tribute to a B-movie queen: A makeshift 
shrine outside the front door of Clarkson's 
Venice bungalow. 


On Sunday, February 2, Spector prepared for another late 
night on the town. He has been falsely accused of being a 
recluse, says Bob Merlis, a Los Angeles-based publicist who 
has been friends with Spector since 1979. “He goes out, goes 
to clubs. When he shows up at your house, it's in a white Rolls, 
not a Toyota Camry. But that's the only difference." 

Although Spector would sometimes put on a wig 10 go out 
in public, this time he didn't bother. His hair, long and curly, 
was once dark; now gray and white strands dominated. In the 
Sixties, he dressed in Edwardian suedes and velvets, often 
with a gold watch fob in his vest. But this night he threw on a 
wrinkled gray jacket. He was rumpled and disheveled. Before 
leaving, though, he slipped on his tinted sunglasses. Whenev 
er Spector left the house, or when people came to see him, he 
wore shades. They were theatrical, mysterious. The sunglass- 
es made Spector seem alittle bit (continued on page 78) 


BAD VIBRATIONS 


IN ROCK AND ROLL, GENIUS AND 
MADNESS CAN GO HAND IN HAND 


WHO: BRIAN WILSON. MOMENT OF 
GENIUS: 1966's Pet Sounds by the Beach 
Boys. CRACKING UP: Wilson had his first 
nervous breakdown in 1964, following а 
screarring fit on an airplane. He had anoth- 
er breakdown during the sessions for 
Smile, an unreleased "teenage symphony 
to God." FULL-ON LUNACY: Wilson installed 
а huge sandpit so he could feel the beach 
beneath his feet as he played piano. During 


| the Smile sessions, orchestra members 


were forced to wear fireman's helmets. 
LAST SEEN: Released solo material and 
continues to tour. 


WHO: SYD BARRETT. MOMENT OF 
GENIUS: 1967's See Emily Play by Pink 
Floyd. CRACKING UP: Barrett was leg- 
endary for his mtake of LSD and erratic be- 
havior. He was booted from the band in ear- 
ly 1968. FULL-ON LUNACY: In 1974 he 
surprised his bandmates at their studio. Не 
had shaved his head—and eyebrows—and 
“was jumping up and down, brushing his 
teeth,” recalls Rick Wright. Ironically, they 
were recording Shine On You Crazy Dia- 
mond, a song about Barrett LAST SEEN: 
On the doorstep of tis family home, in his 
undies. He's diabetic and nearly blind. 


WHO: ROKY ERICKSON. МОМЕМТ OF 
GENIUS: You're Gonna Miss Me (1966) by 


Î the 13th Floor Elevators. CRACKING UP: 


Arrested for pot possession in 1969, Roky 
pleaded insanity rather than serve a prison 
term. He was diagnosed as "floridly psy- 
chotic" and received electroshock therapy 
and huge doses of Thorazine. FULL-ON 
LUNACY: By the Nineties he was living in 
subsidized housing near Austin, Texas. He 
would leave multiple TVs and radios con- 
stantly blaring to drown out the voices in his 
head. LAST SEEN: Released a solo album, 


| All That May Do My Rhyme, in 1995. 


4 


WHO: ИМ GORDON. MOMENT OF 
GENIUS: Co-wrote Layla with Eric Clapton. 
CRACKING UP: Ву 1969 relatives were urg- 
ing him to get psychiatric help because of 
voices in his head. FULL-ON LUNACY: Gor- 
don became сопмпсед his mother had 
killed Karen Carpenter and Paul Lynde. In 
1983 he attacked his mother, hitting her 
head repeatedly with a hammer, then stab- 
bing her to death with a knife. Gordon main- 
tained he was acting in self-defense to 
shield himself from her voice. “She's tor- 
tured me for years,” he told police. LAST 


| SEEN: In the California prison system. 


“I never imagined Га be invited into the boss’s office on casual Friday.” 


69 


ШЕН he road leading to Playmate of the Year 
has more twists than a contortionists’ 
convention, and no one knows this bet- 
ter than Christina Santiago. Last year, 

| when the no-nonsense Puerto Rican 

Ш beauty from Chicago lost out on Fox 
"TV's reality series Girl Next Door: The Search for а 
Playboy Centerfold, it seemed her Playmate dream 
was over. But finalist Christina had made a lasting 
impression and soon returned as Miss August. 

Christina says she's proud to help demonstrate 

that rıaysoy features genuine beauties, and she 
isn't shy about touting the benefits of a natural 
physique. “First of all, real breasts feel better—they 
don't feel like you're squeezing volleyballs," she 
says. “Plus, more than a mouthful is just too much.” 
We caught up with Christina as she was settling 
into the Playboy Mansion while looking for an 
apartment in Los Angeles. She plans to share her 
digs with Miss September Shallan Meiers, whom 
she met on Girl Next Door. “Shallan and 1 just 
jelled,” she says. “She's a cool, sweet girl. First im- 
pressions are important to me.” Christina has a 


matter-of-fact attitude toward her showbiz career, 
too. “I'm taking classes and going around to agen- 
cies,” she says. “1 still want to act, but if a few years 
go by and I'm still not where 1 want to be, I'll drop 
the idea and do something else.” 

You don't have to worry that Christina will be 
blinded by the Кер lights. “I'll always try to keep a 
straight head on my shoulders," she says. “I'm very 
friendly, but it’s hard to meet people in LA. I wel- 
come good conversation with men who are funny 
and ready with а compliment, but I don't like pho- 
ny lines. I've been to lots of Hollywood parties and 
I've met a few famous people: Robert De Niro is 
really cool, and Eminem is on my to-do list. But 
half the time I'm just Chill Gir—I'd rather go to a 
club or some dive bar and drink beer with friends. 
If 1 ever see myself turning into something else, 1 
will get on an airplane and go back home.” 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY ARNY FREYTAG 
AND STEPHEN WAYDA 


Much of this pictoriol was shot ot the Ploy- 
mote House—a multimillion-dollor pink- 
hued ronch-style home—just down the 
street from the Ployboy Mansion. It's where 
Christine's PMOY journey begon on TV's 
Girl Next Door. The reigning beauty is be- 
ing sensible about her $100,000 in prize 


booty. “You consider going on о shopping 
spree, but | won't,” she says, "I'd rother in- 
vest in a home, because thot's where you 
are going to hong most of the time.” 


PLAYBOY 


78 


hil spector 
p р (continued from page 68) 
forbidding. He liked that. 

“He knows he has that reputati 
Phil Spector, megalomaniacal hermi 
says Hudson Marquez, an artist (and 
co-creator of the famed Cadillac Ranch 
in Texas) who calls himself a longtime 
acquaintance of Spector. “People go 
nuts around him, and he knows that. 
He's aware of everything he does. He 
knows the effect of what he does on 
people before he does it.” 

Spector's life had been slowly chang- 
ing. On the night of February 2, he em- 
ployed a single driver, a radical depar- 
ture for a man who'd routinely used 
three bodyguards. He'd curtailed his 
drinking three years earlier—and since 
late 2002, his staff had been shrinking 
as well. The Los Angeles Times reported 
that Janice Spector, the third of his ex- 
wives, who worked for him for more 
than 10 years after their divorce, had 
recently left his employ. So had Jay Ro- 
maine, a former LAPD officer who 
served as Spector's bodyguard. In an 
unpublished manuscript about Spec- 
tor, LA writer and producer and long- 
time friend Harvey Kubernik noted 
the changes and wrote, “Thankfully, 
the only beverages offered around Phil 
this century are diet colas and Sprite, 
and I'm in no danger of being hit by a 
stray bullet. The mind games and 
bodyguards have been replaced by a 
lone driver. I am really happy to see 
him funcuon like this around town the 
last few years. He's a gas.” 

But not everyone was convinced that 
Spector's irrational days were behind 
him. Writer Ruben Carson, who rented 
a garage apartment in the San Fernan- 
do Valley to an alleged girlfriend of Spec- 
tor's, says һе received strange, abusive 
letters from the producer when Carson 
tried to evict the woman late last year. 

“A messenger would show up with a 
threatening letter in which Spector 
would drop the names of about five 
lawyers, including Robert Shapiro and 
Marvin Mitchelson,” says Carson. “It 
was basically extortion—he was mak- 
ing these outrageous demands and say- 
ing, ‘If you don't do this, ГІ get my en- 
tire legal team after you.’ Like апу 
sociopath, he thinks if he wants some- 
thing it becomes reality.” 

On this night. though, the main thing 
Spector must have wanted was to leave 
the suburbs behind and find some 
nightlife. He slipped into the backseat 
of a black Mercedes sedan so new that 
it still sported dealer plates, and his 
driver negotiated the long, curving dri- 
veway that led from Spector's house to 
the gates of his property. Within min- 
utes, the car was speeding west on In- 
terstate 10, heading for Hollywood. 


Twenty miles west of Alhambra, in 
the seaside town of Venice, Lana Clark- 
son got ready to make the half-hour 
drive across town to West Hollywood, 
where she worked at the House of 
Blues. Clarkson, who had a husky voice 
and a firm handshake, idolized old- 
time movie stars like Lana Turner, 
Bette Davis and especially Marilyn 
Monroe. Actress Sally Kirkland be- 
friended Clarkson Басі 2000 when 
the two co-starred in Powder Room 
Suites at the Court Theater in West 
Hollywood. “She reminded me of a 
younger sister,” Kirkland says. “We're 
both big and blonde, and simultane- 
ously shy and outrageous.” 

If it were up to her, friends say, 
Clarkson might have dressed in some- 
thing colorful for work—bright red, 
maybe, or a leopard print and high 
heels to emphasize her height. “The 
Big L,” she called herself at clubs 
around town. But the House of Blues 
preferred its hostesses to dress in black, 
and spending an entire night on your 
feet was tough in heels. So Clarkson 
subdued her flamboyant nature. 

“I'm used to Lana being 511”, over 
six feet with heels, with mounds of 
blonde hair and a spectacular figure,” 
says Kirkland. “But when I saw her at 
the House of Blues there was this wom- 
an with her hair in abun, with flat shoes, 
wearing a very straight, boring black 
suit. The corporate Lana. She told me 
she was hosting there as a part-time gig. 
I told her I thought it was great be- 
cause she was always so friendly and 
charming and outgoing. Lana's nature 
was a trusting one. Whether it was Phil 
Spector or John Doe, she wanted to see 
the good in everyone. That was the last 
time I saw her alive.” 

At the age of 40, recuperating from 
an accident at a charity event in De- 
cember 2001 in which she had broken 
both wrists, Clarkson, a native of Cali- 
fornia, knew it was time to compromise 
and regroup. Her résumé already list- 
ed modeling, television ads and TV 
shows that induded Happy Days, Fanta- 
sy Island and Three's Company. Her film 
debut consisted of a опс- мога role 
(“Hit”) in 1982's Fast Times at Ridgemont 
High, but she became best known via 
producer Roger Corman's B-movie 
factory, playing the title role in the 
sword-and-sandal flick Barbarian Queen 
and its sequel 

Clarkson embraced the role of a 
queen B, putting in long hours at com- 
ic book conventions. She even made it 
а point to carry extra Sharpies for sign- 
ing the autographs. 

A gig as a ticket taker and hostess at 
the House of Blues was far from ideal 
for an actress looking to sustain her ca- 


reer. But acting jobs had been tough to 
come by, particularly after her accident. 
“I think her career might have gone 
further if people hadn't typecast her,” 
says Corman. “Because she was so tall 
and beautiful, they thought of her as a 
James Bond girl or Barbarian Queen.” 

As she drove up Sunset Boulevard 
toward the House of Blues, Clarkson 
had to notice a building across the 
street, a large, squarish structure, paint- 
ed black with a round marquee affixed 
to the front and dozens of celebrated 
entertainers’ names adorning the awn- 
ing. It was this venue, the Comedy 
Store, that represented the direction 
she hoped her career would take. 

“She had been the starlet, the ingé- 
nue,” says Ray Cavaleri, Clarkson's 
agent for the last few months of her 
life. “She wanted to make a transition 
to sitcoms, and we were gearing toward 
pilot season.” In addition to doing 
stand-up comedy, Clarkson had recent- 
ly gone into Corman's office to assem- 
ble a reel to spotlight her comedic skill. 
In it, she played a variety of characters, 
including a lesbian police officer, Little 
Richard and a Barbie Doll-type char- 
acter. Lana Unleashed, she called it. 

But the video hadn't won her any se- 
rious gigs; that's where the House of 
Blues came in. “She wanted to get a job 
that didn’t interfere with her being 
able to go out and audition,” says Cav- 
aleri. “The House of Blues kept her 
free during the day.” 

When Clarkson walked into the club 
Sunday night, she might have felt as if 
she'd already been at work all week- 
end. The club had held its monthly 
staff meeting the previous morning, 
which meant Clarkson had to be there 
some nine hours before her usual start- 
ing time. She'd gotten dressed up for 
the meeting, too: One of the items of 
business was the ceremony for the Em 
ployee of the Month award, and Clark- 
son had joined in the presentation, 
donning a little black dress, long black 
gloves and even a mock tiara to hand 
out the award—as if, said one co-work- 
er, “she were a Price Is Right presenter.” 

When Clarkson returned to work in 
the early evening the next day, at least 
one colleague thought she looked un- 
usually dred. (House of Blues employ- 
ces have been ordered not to speak 
about Clarkson and Spector, so those 
who did talk requested anonymity.) By 
the time she got upstairs. though, she 
knew better than to let her fatigue show. 

“She was a hostess, she was using her 
personality,” says Cavaleri. “People do 
what they have to do to get by.” 


Driving through West Hollywood on 
his way to dinner, Phil Spector would 
(continued on page 155) 


У 
Pro Uv 


“When you're whackin’ off by some lonely campfire, Chickenleg, jes’ remember 
me an’ the sheep are here waitin.” 


— 4 THE MATRIX 
RELOADED 


WHEN IT COMES TO SUMMER BLOCK- 
BUSTERS, THIS HYPERANTICIPATED 
SEQUEL IS "THE ONE" 


D In the first of two sequels to the Star 
Wars of our age, Neo and the gang must protect Zion 
from computer overlords, or the human race will be 
deleted quicker thon c chain e-mail. (May 15) 
Keanu Reeves, Carrie-Anne 


Moss, Laurence Fish- 
|| «Ww... burne, Hugo Weaving, 


= Monico Bellucci. DIREC- 
TORS: Andy and Larry 

> Wachowski. 
5 ж Now that 
Reloaded is cocked and 
^ 7 ready to fire, über- 


WE SAVED YOU THE BEST SEAT IN THE HOUSE FOR SE А Па әне, 
AN INSIDER’S LOOK АТ THE SEASON’S BIGGEST FILMS 257 00 
3 


$ million-grossing 

5 The Matrix as c virtual 
Ad X on film. “It wos o very 
small story about one renegade crew," he says. 
“Now yov're going to see Zion, whot the machine 
world is oll about, and a ponoramo of characters 
and programs that will blow everyone awoy.” 
Already stoking fan fever is a car chose sequence so 
vast ond complex it necessitated constructing 1.6 
miles of freeway at an abandoned помо! sta! 
California. "GM gave из more than 100 vehicles," 
boosts Silver. "When we were done, I don't think 
hey got any of them back.” 

Reportedly, the Wachowskis wonted November's 
concluding chapter, The Matrix Revolutions—which 
will feature humans and machines in full-scale 
war—to open this summer as well, but the post- 
production work couldn't be finished in time. Too 
bod, becouse when Reloaded ends smock in the 
middle of a cliffhanger, the audience wail is sure to 
be deofening. “Oh boy, we will want to hide,” 
admits Silver. “But every single thing that wos set up 
in the first movie pays off in the next two.” 

The sequels’ visual-effects budget is 

almost twice the entire budget of the first Matrix. 
One reason The Matrix 
seemed so cool was thot it hit theaters without hype. 
The buzz on the sequel is louder than a thousond 
hornet nests. Con it deliver? 


Made in the s: Trinity, Neo 
and Morpheus serve up a second 
helping of the red pill. 


The freedom fighters' new pursuers include 
these dreadlocked gents known as the Twins. 


, E ч 

5%, 

| Purists may prefer tha classic model, but wa (НИК. 
the upgrada offers some exciting new featuras. 


TERMINAT 3 PIRATES OF THE 
жалар ТНЕ Жон D * CARIBBEAN 


ARNOLD SAID HE'D BE BACK. BUT IS THE BIG 
GUY PACKING ENOUGH FIREPOWER? 


Put a foltering action icon back in his most famous role, 
crank the man-vs.-machine mayhem to 11 ond, just to be sofe, toss in а 
killer fembot in red leather (July 2) 
Arnold Schworzenegger, Kristanna Loken, Nick Stahl, 
Claire Dones. DIRECTOR: Jonothon Mostow (U-571). 

If you think building the perfect killing machine is a big job, 
try assembling the parts required to make onother Terminator sequel. It’s 
been 12 years since Г2: Judgment Day raised the bar on science-fiction 
action, and still the new model is being delivered without o key compo- 
nent—director Jomes Cameran. The pressure of steering the $170 mil- 
lion—budgeted third installment, which depicts the first all-out battles 
between humons ond SkyNet's merciless machines, has been intense, ad- 
mits anointed tor Mostow. “It’s о cross between being а chess ploy- 
er anda coal minec It’s got the physical and the mental,” he says, noting 
that an onkle he sproined jumping off a camera truck had to wail o week 
for medicol ottention. But ot leost he’s got Schworzenegger bock on 
board as our fovorite monosyllabic cyborg, this time protecting 25-year- 
old hope of the future John Connor (Nick Stohl) from the T-X (Kristanno 

loken), a female Terminotor 
with looks, a laser-connon 
arm ond dominion over oll 
things mechonicol. Even with 
the stokes this high, Mostow 
odmits the job had its perks: 
"То go to work every day ond 
tell the Terminator what to do 
is pure 


* THEITALIAN JOB 


EIST REMAKE AIMS FOR A BIG PA 


Former WWF 
personolity Chyno was also 
considered for the part of the 
Terminatrix. 


Why does о cyborg need а 
pound of poncoke makeup to 
make him look yaunger? 


SEES 


% 


* THE HULK 


WHEN WE RIP OUR PANTS, WE LOOK EMBARRASSED. 
WHEN THIS GUY DOES, WE RUN LIKE HELL 


Hire ап A-list art film director to give Marvel Comics’ unjolly green 
giant o touch of class, and keep the big-screen superhero bonanza r (June 20) 
Eric Bano, Jennifer Connelly, Nick Nolte. DIRECTOR: Ang Lee. 
‚Much hos been made of how Lee's Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon 
demonstrated he had the action chops to handle а big-budget superhero spectacle. 
But what has been overlooked is the contemplative soul of that martial-arts master- 
piece. Which means the $120 million Hulk could be a rodicol mixture of whiz-bang 
effects and meditations on the beast within. “You never felt you were working on 
о summer blockbuster,” says Bono (Chopper, Black Hawk Down), the relatively 
unknown Australian actor portroying Bruce Banner, а scientist who, while searching 
for the secret to superhuman strength, receives an overdose of gamma rays that 
unleashes his primal, destructive alter ego whenever he loses his temper. "It was оп 
unnecessorily dark and depressing set.” Which part of filming was most intense? 
“Days one through 100,” says Bana. “I’m not joking.” 

After the live shoot, Lee spent five months personally “directing” the CGI Hulk 
smashing through wolls and tossing tonks over the hori- 
zon, relieving Bana of the need to sporta pea-soup point 
job. То play Banner, Bana says, “1 made him 100 percent 
outback Australian, based on the Crocodile Hunter” That 
is а joke—we hope. Still, what would on Aussie Hulk act 
like? “He'd be way too laid-bock to get angry,” soys 
Bona. “He'd get voquely pissed off and then just have o 
beer If he could even be bothered to tum green.” 

Keep un eye peeled for former body- 
builder Lou Ferrigno, star of the 1978-1982 Incredible 
Hulk TV series, in a comeo role. 

If the Hulk looks too much 
ike a cheesy cortoon, we'll get angry. You wouldn't like us 
when we're angry. 


The beast's beauty: 
Oscar winner Connelly. 


Leen end green: The Hulk tries alll 
his hend at interior redecorating. 


MES 
nm á 

т 

_ 2 
ы 


x TOMB RAIDER 


THE CRADLE OF LIFE 


ONLY A BOMESHELL LIKE ANGELINA JOLIE 
COULD TEMPT US INTO THIS TOMB AGAIN 


J] Video-gome seductress ond 
] sloyer Loro Croft is back in 
oction, better served (we 
hope) by this Jan de Bont- 
directed sequel. (Did we re- 
olly need thot treocly fother- 
doughter subplot lost time 
oround?) Angelino will scole 


1 
| 
| 


cliffs, ride motorcycles ond 
че! slippery wet on о per- 
sonol wotercroft, all in ће 
service of thworting о Chi- 
nese crime syndicote. If ony 
residual anger at Billy Bob 
go! chonneled into the fight 


scenes, we might be in for some cathortic violence. Lora's o globe- 


trotter, so expect location work in Greece, China ond Africo, includ- 
ing ап underwoter opener and a sequence on the rim of a volcano. 
Like we'll be looking ot any scenery besides Angelina. 


A SEABISCUIT ^» ió comet trie 


SUMMER WITH SUBSTANCE? MEET A 
DARK HORSE WORTH BETTING ON 


Based on the surprise best-selling book by 
Laura Hillenbrand, this nostalgic drama trats out the hottest 
sports star of the Thirties—u stubby-legged, ornery roce- 
horse whose win-streaked career inspired millions. So whot 
have you done lotely? (July 25) 
Tobey Moguire, Chris Cooper, Jeff 
Bridges. DIRECTOR: Gory Ross (Pleasantville). 

Turning o popular nonfiction book into a heart- 
worming film isn't unusuol, but putting it up agoinst mutont 
superheroes and ass-kicking ongels might seem like a 
100-to-1 shot. Star Tobey Maguire, however, sees o crowd 
pleaser in this horse tale. “You've got the themes of an 
underdog sports movie os well as a character-driven epic,” 
he says. “The scope of this filmis huge.” In prepping to por- 
tray jockey Red Pollord, Maguire discovered that being short 
wasn't the only job requirement. “I didn't realize what 
athletes jockeys ore," soys Maguire, who worked on a simu- 
lator called on Equicizer to shed his Spider-Mon bulk "Un- 
like in other sports, their season lasts 52 weeks, so they've 
got to moke weight every day of the year. These guys ore 
bolancing on the bolls of their feet for two minutes at a time 
оп a 2000-pound animal galloping 40 miles оп hour” 

So do jockeys trash-tolk ot the starting gate? “They do а 
little bit,” Moguire says. ^1 think they have real respect for 
each other, though, becouse you con die іп c race. You go 
down, get trampled, you're dead.” 

A horse sired by Seabiscuit ployed his dad in 
the 1949 movie, but kept losing during the filming of the 
races, so newsreel footage had to be used. 

They shoot horse movies ut the 
box office, don't they? 


*LEGALLY BLONDE2 %2FAST 2FURIOUS kBADBOYSH 


THE BEST THING ABOUT CHICK 
FLICKS? THE CHICKS 


WILL A SEQUEL SPUTTER 
WITHOUT DIESEL? 


WHATCHA GONNA DO WHEN 
THEY COME FOR YOU AGAIN? 


When Vin Diesel demanded $20 million to 
do the sequel to The Fast and fhe Furious, 
Universal decided that the franchise's suc- 


Think of it as o cocophonous class reunion, os 
Will Smith, Mortin Lawrence ond director Michael 
Boy return to the project thot estoblished all 


Since you'll be drogging your significant other to Matrix 
Reloaded and Terminator 3, you're going to have to sit 
through one of her picks. We vote for Reese Witherspoon's 


* >. > retum os empowered sorority cess was more about cool cars than one three as oction-movie players. А lot hos changed 
ЕС. л A babe Elle. (OK, maybe we're bold strongman and told him to hit the since Bad Boys rocked the multiplex in 1995, 
м biased becouse she wore о road. Metropolis-of-the-moment Miomi is including Smith's becoming one of Hollywood's 


Ployboy Bunny costume in the | the bockdrop for returning star Poul Walk- f biggest stars, but іп Bad Boys 2, he ond Martin 

SS first movie.) The sequel finds er and ex-MTV-host Tyrese as they go un- ure still streetwise cops equolly quick with banter 

=F shallow yet crafty Elle—now a dercover to nab a drug kingpin (Cole Hau- | ond bullets. This time they're toking on о Miomi 

|_ | high-powered lowyer—lobby- ser). The original's multiethnic oppeal is drug lord, white supremacists and citywide cor- 

—. | ing Congress to stop cosmetics still in force, with Cuban-Americon octress ruption, leaving just enough space between Boy's 

p = 2 companies from testing their | Eva Mendes getting our motors hot. Boyz N || eassplittingexplosions for Smith to get jiggy with 

al A wores on cute little dogs. Yes, the Hood director John Singleton is behind his portner's sexy 

Î „ this comedy is pinker than а the wheel, and hos promised something younger sister 

с | bubble-gum explosion in a faster than his usual snail-paced dramas. (Gabrielle Union). 

| Loura Ashley store, but Wither- $ Maybe thot wild- 

Б spoon is опе of Hollywood's Li looking chose 

most wolchable comediennes, scene is just him 

„А ond the legendary Bob New- trying to get the 
2 hart has a key role as o door- hell out of town. 


man who provides Elle with in- 
side politicol information. 


yc CHARLIE'S ANGELS 
FULL THROTTLE Let Hollywood predict which movie monster will 


win at the box office; we asked experts who'd sur- 
vive if Hulk and the Terminator met in a dark alley. 


AN ACTION MOVIE FOR HORNY LITTLE DEVILS 


The trio returns with lots of stritly-germone-to-the-plot jiggling. (June 27) 
: Cameron Diaz, Drew Barrymore, Lucy Liu, Bernie Mac, Crispin Glover, 


Demi Moore, Luke Wilson, Matt LeBlanc. DIRECTOR: McG. 


“Hulk, no question. He’s much more pow- 


This time, It's son of personal. During the Angels; mission to save Witness erful and agile, while the Terminator 15 

Protection Program participants, we learn that one of the girls is herself in the progrom. vulnerable to pressure and heat. Hulk 

"That's just one surprise,” says McG. “Everyone has a secretin this picture.” Like the first could just pound his fists together and 

film, the sequel mixes over-the-top action with infectious comp such as а dance number ЛҮҮ crush the Terminators circuitry. In fact, 

set to You Con’ Touch This. Explains McG, “Our philosophy is that when you're having the TES mia his unten ed пен Еј Ник соша 

TE > ing.” i into the ionosphere, where he'd burn up on reen- 

most fun you con. possibly hove, you те either laughing ar болан: He expresses special ораса засланае much force In iret 

awe for Diaz, who in one scene helps with the birth of a сой, “up to the shoulder, if you a ран Кумыр 

know what | mean. She's the most game individual you will ever meet,” With no rumors VERGI RT OI 
of Angel infighting, gossip hos centered on Bernie Mac's replacing Bill Murray as Bosley. the Terminator's leg and beat him with it.” 


(И seems the Bosley fomily is African American, ond Bill was the lone white guy) In com- 
poring the two, McG says, “Bill and | spent о lot of time working on the charocter, and 
Bernie, like most great comedians, puts his energy into being in front of the camera.” 

17 Demi Moore plays an Angel emeritus, turning in her first performance 


since reportedly undergoing $350,000 worth of plastic surgery. 
= Сап you nome your favorite moment from the first Charlies “The Terminator is more intelligent. Hulk 
pals flick? We thought not. | is governed by rage, making him more 
fallible. If the Terminator sensed this, he 
could lull Hulk into a calm state and strike 
ШЕШІ quickly. The Terminator also has the ad- 
vantage ot being prepared for every situation, and is 
able to build upon his own knowledge: If something 
doesn't work, he can immediately adjust and try some- 
thing that does. Hulk doesn't have that sort of сара! 


BOOGIE NIGHTS GET DEADLY IN A QUIRKY ty. Because the Terminator is more adaptable, he 
BEHIND-THE-PORN TALE win. It's а classic case of brains (or in this instance, 


сийгу) over brawn.” 
Not much about John Holmes was small, but this under-$10 mil- 
lion take on the porn star's involvement in a 1981 drug-related 
quadruple homicide hos а distinctly indie feel. Val Kilmer channels 


13-incher Holmes, Lisa Kudrow plays his wife, Dylan McDermott is = 5 
nearly unrecognizable os а smack-deoling biker, and Kate Bos- Ee nae 
recor arely— but this is no battle of the bons 

worth, Erie Bogosian, ond Janeane Garofalo round out the ensem- атаана Mit асырар 
Ме. The murders were never solved, so the film plays around with 7 knocker, there is one possible outcome: 
shifting perspectives, plus offers Kilmer in а bloody, confessional Hulk smash! See, the Terminator is just a 
nude scene. The filmmakers are mum an whether the budget eT vender on Ul) But ules а 
li i еа! а gamma bomb explosioı like ма- 

Mice орала TON one 4 een 
^ stituent elements are rage and power. The madder Hulk 

gets. the stronger Hulk gets. Plus, he has the will to 
MORE NOTABLE SUMMER RELEASES » DUMB AND DUMBERER win. What's the Terminator got? Diodes? Copper wire? 


THE LEAGUE OF EXTRAORDINARY GENTLEMEN > S.W.A.T. l'Il take meat over microcircuits any day." —ЈАСОВ KALISH 


MATCHSTICK MEN > THE SCHOOL OF ROCK > TOUGH LOVE 


“But enough about me. Let те tell you about the fishing in these parts.” 


85 


86 


AJOR ТОРМ-ОМ 


S 


our pick of the best things to plug into 


Smartest Phone 


Call in sick on Ky- 
ocera's pocket-size 
7135 Smortphone 
I's o combinotion 
Polm Pilot, 3G cell 
phone, МРЗ ployer 
and e-moil device 
with o color touch- 
screen, GPS novi- 
gation ond wireless 
web. If you hod on 
ossistant, you could 
fire her now |5500) 


Most Tech 
in Your Palm 


The Ponosonic SV- 
АУЗО combines on 
МРЗ ployer, MPEG-4 
formot comcorder, 
digital still comero 
with 2x zoom, voice 
recorder olong with 
flip-up two-inch LCD 
screen inside o de- 
vice thot’s smoller 
than your now-emp- 
ty wallet ($400) 


Mother of All 
Flat-Panel TVs 


Somsung's 63-inch 
HPN6339 is the big- 
gest plosma-screen 
TV ovailable. Only 
three inches thick, it 
produces а 1200-1 
controst ratio ond о 
1366 x 768 resolu- 
tion thot looks so 
good we'd like to 
come over when you 


get it (520,000) 


Skinniest Camera 


The credit cord-size 
Cosio Exilim Zoom 
EX-Z3 is a теге 0.9 
inches thick, making 
it one of the slim- 
mest digitol cameras 
ovoiloble. It fectures 
3.2-megopixel reso- 
lution ond 3x zoom, 
‘ond is ready to shoot 
within two seconds of 
being turned on. Bet- 
ter it thon us ($450) 

——À— — 


Next Year's Crib Accessory Store music, home movies, 
photos and downlooded clips on the ВО СВ hard drive inside 
Pioneer's 01-1000-5 DigitoLibrory. Then wirelessly access your 
files ма DL-500AV receivers scattered about your abode. In- 
stant ambience. (DL-1000-S costs 51200; DL-SOOAV is 5900.) 


Most Muscle іп а Laptop Raw PC power doesn’! come 
more compact than the Sony Vaio PCG-V505AX —the first lop- 
lop with а Pentium 4 processor. It includes o DVD/CD-RW drive 
ond o 12-inch screen, weighing in at o total of 4.5 pounds— 
roughly а tenth the weight of John Modden's ћеод (51900). 


Most Advanced 
Camcorder 


Scorsese wannobes 
should pick up JVC's 
GR-HDI, the first 
consumer high-defi- 
nition comcorder. tt 
con record footage 
in widescreen 720p 
resolution on Mini 
DV tape. Mativating 
your actress to drop 
15 pounds is yaur 
problem ($3500). 


Do уси remember pim- 
ples? Wet dreoms? (We 
sure do.) Television is go- 
ing through its own form 
of puberty as it moves from 
onolog to digitol. And 
while the result is sure to 
be pretty, the process of 
getting there will be filled 
with owkword moments. 
Bottom line: There’s a lot 
of gear in stores that 
you should stay 
away Кот. 7. 
Have you 
noticed those 
fire sales on older big- 
screen TVs? Avaid them. 
When the analog TV spig- 
ot is turned off Jonuary 1, 
2006, you'll need TV gear 
with a built-in HDTV tuner 
and digital connectors for 
FireWire opd Digitol Vid- 

" d 


y 


eo Interfoce—or its smoll- 
er sibling, High-Definition 
Multimedia Interface. A 
DVD recorder con таке 
digitol copies of yaur cam- 
carder footage but won't 
record HDTV. Thot's be- 
cause current models ore 
equipped with old-foshion 
analog video jacks thot 
are incopable of repro- 

ducing HDTV 
quolity record 
ings. Like your 
HDTV, you'll want to 
weit for A/V receivers 
with FireWire and HDMI 
connectors. Unfortunately, 
not о single receiver hos 
these connectors yet. The 
next generation receivers 
are unlikely ta hove DVI 
connectors because they 
are bulky. Stoy tuned. 


88 


Biggest Advance 
in Phone Sex 


Technicolly, the Viol- 
to Beomer BM-80 is 
not о videophone, 
but the fromed 3.5- 
inch LCD screen de- 
livers 15 fromes of 
video о second мо о 
stondard telephone 
line. Thot sure beots 


using your imagino- 
tion (5500 for a set 
with two Beomers) 


Most Tunes in the Swingingest PDA 


Least Space Sony's PEG-NZ90 
Got 10,000 songs Clié is о combino- 
stuck in your heod? tion Palm PDA, voice 
Store oll of them on recorder, MP3 ployer 
the 40 GB Rio Peorl ond digitol comero 
portoble MP3 ployer with two-megapixel 
by Sonicblue. It can resolution ond 2x 
store twice os mony тоот. This wos writ- 
frocks оз on Apple ten with the touch- 
iPod and is neorly 15 screen flipped up 
percent smaller. As ond turned oround. 
(ог ће voices, you're Why? Becouse we 
on your own (5500). could do it (5800) 


Beamer 


Smallest Camera 
Philips Key Ring dig- 
ital comeros, with 
1.3- ог Iwo-mego 
pixel resolution os 
well os 64MB ог 
128MB of memory, 
con be worn oround 
your neck. The up- 
shot: No more corry- 
ing your comero in 
your Speedo while 
cruising the beoch 
(5100 to 5150) 


* Take ту cell phone 
number with me when 
1 switch carriers? Мо- 
vernber. So-called local 
number pooling regu- 
lotions are in place. Now 
it’s just a matter of the 
corriers’ moking the nec- 
essory odjustments to 
ensure your colls don't 
go to John Ashcroft 

* Watch 3D TV without 
glasses? Demanding, 
aren't you? Shorp ol- 
reody hos o cell phone 
with o 3D liquid crystol 
screen for sole in Јороп, 
and computer monitors 
using the technology are 
in the prototype stage. A 
3D version of The Sopra- 
nos? Don't hold your 
breath. Let's get НОТУ 
off the ground first, then 
we'll tolk obout 3D. 

* Digitally record 
HDTV? Loter this sum- 
mer the Dish Network 
will releose the Dish- 


PVR921. a satellite re- 


ceiver equipped with а 
250 GB personal video 
recorder capable of 
storing 40 hours worth 
of HDTV pro- 
gramming 
Кот 
Dish's 
five HD 
channels. 
or 250 hours 
of stondord definition 
Simpsons reruns. 

*Talk to my house? 
Wont 1o tell your house 
to moke some coffee 
ond dim the lights until 
your hongover wears 
off? You'll have to wait 
until 2005 for the first 
prototypes of MIT's Proj- 
ect Oxygen. Founded in 
the foll of 1999, the pro- 
grom is working to auto- 
mote your house by inte- 
grating computing, A/V 
communications, home 
networking, artificial in- 
telligence ond speech 
recognition so you won't 
have to leove that com- 
fortable couch for ony- 
thing ever agoin 


Best Picture 
in Your Lap 
IF the in-flight movie 
stors Freddie Prinze 
Jr, fire up Toshibo's 
SD-P2000 progres- 
sive scon portable 
DVD ployer with on 
8.9-inch screen. The 
3.5-hour battery will 
enoble you to avoid 
the insipid romantic 
comedy for most of 
your trip ($1000) 


Best-Looking Office 


| 


Enhancement 


The silicon-encosed 
Emotive М21100 ov- 
dio system by Philips 
blends in noturally 
oround our offices 
Inside the shell rests 
on MP3-CD ployer, 
50-watt omp ond 
оп AM/FM rodio tun- 
er with 40 presets 
We coll it “desk oug- 
mentotion” ($400) 


RE AND HOW TO BUY ON 


1 ~ 


TE THERICSTDE HE CAMEL 


Frank and JFK had a lot in common: Gangsters, starlets, hookers and 
unquestioned power, The view from inside the Pack 


by George Jacobs & William Stadiem 


GEORGE JACOBS WORKED AS FRANK SINATRA'S VALET FROM 1953 то 1968. FOR МЕ. S.. AS JACOBS CALLED 
НІМ. THESE WERE THE GLORY YEARS. WHEN SINATRA REIGNED AS THE MOST POWERFUL MAN IN SHOW BUSI- 
NESS. JACOBS NOT ONLY DRESSED HIS BOSS. HE ALSO COOKED FOR THE MAN'S GIRLFRIENDS. PAID HIS HOOK- 
ERS AND BABYSAT SOME OF THE MOST GLAMOROUS NAMES IN HOLLY WOOD. THE CLOSEST THING SINATRA HAD 
TO A CONFIDANT. JACOBS WAS ALSO A KEEN OBSERVER OF SINATRA'S INNER CIRCLE. WHICH INCLUDED DEAN 
MARTIN. SAMMY DAVIS JR. AND THE REST OF THE RAT PACK. BUT SINATRA'S MOST COMPLICATED—AND MYS- 
TERIOUS—RELATIONSHIP WAS WITH THE KENNEDY BROTHERS. THE ARCHITECTS OF CAMELOT. JACOBS HAS 
NEVER SHARED THESE TALES WITH ANY REPORTER OR SINATRA BIOGRAPHER—UNTIL NOW. 

THE STORY BEGINS IN 1958. AS SINATRA. IN HIS QUEST FOR POLITICAL INFLUENCE. PREPARES HIS CALIFOR- 
NIA HOME FOR A PARTY TO HONOR JOSEPH P. KENNEDY. THE POWERFUL PATRIARCH OF THE KENNEDY DYNASTY 
AND THE FATHER OF JACK, BOBBY AND TEDDY. 


r. S. had entertained so many gang- 
ster types in his Palm Springs com- 
pound that I assumed the wiry, be- 
spectacled man who spoke in long 


in the guests’ bedrooms, so space was nev- 
er a problem. When they weren't “in ses- 
sion,” the girls would swim in the pool, 
work on their tans, eat and drink like any 


a's was another pillar of the underworld. 
1 had met Italian gangsters and Jewish 
gangsters. Why not an Irish gangster? 

Mr. S. certainly rolled out the red carpet 
for him: Бус fantastic hookers flown 
down from Vegas, and a whole staff of 
waiters and maids in starched gray uni- 
forms, some from Watts, others he had me 
round up from the Indian reservation in 
the Coachella Valley. We had plenty of 
bedrooms, but when things got too 
crowded the hookers would double up 
and bunk together. They'd see the guests 


other guests. Mr. S. wouldn't stand for or- 
gies on his property. He was too much of 
а neat freak. We treated them as honored 
guests, not as hookers. They just got paid 
when they went home. 

The hospitality that was laid out that 
weekend was truly extraordinary. Even 
Sam Giancana didn't get this kind of 
treatment. Nor did Mr. Sam lay on the 
abuse this 70-year-old guy (whom Sinatra 
called Mr. Ambassador) heaped on all of 
us. He told nigger jokes throughout the 
meals, he'd call Indians savages and 


91 


blacks Sambos and curse the hell out of any- 
one who served him from the wrong side 
ог put опе ice cube too many in his Jack 
Daniel's. “Can't you get any white help?" he 
would needle Mr. 5. "Aren't they paying 
you enough?” 

Such was Mr. Ambassador Joseph Ken- 
nedy, father of our country’s most captivat- 
ing president. If anyone had the guts to spit 
in his face—a bravery that my boss sadly 
lacked—Mr. Ambassador should have been 
called Mr. Asshole. 

Joseph Kennedy was, if anything, cruder 
about Jews than he was about blacks. As a 
guy who once owned a Hollywood studio 
(RKO), ће must have had a tough time with 
his competition. To him they were “sheeny 
rag traders.” He referred to the august Louis 
B. Mayer as a “kike junkman." The Jewish 
jokes didn't stop. The worst one I can recall: 
“Whats the difference between a Jew and a 
pizza? The pizza doesn't cry on its way to the 
oven." Poor Mr. S., having to sit through 
this, having to force a smile when he should 
have thrown the guy out to the coyotes. The 
anti-Semitism was shocking, vet it was noth- 
ing new. I was too young to remember 
Joseph Kennedy's craven appeasement of 
Adolf Hitler when he was Franklin Roo- 
sevelt’s ambassador to the Court of St. 
James, a position, like every other, he was 
said to have bought. I was even younger 
when he made his fortune as a bootlegger in 
Prohibition and as an insider trader on Wall 
Street before it was illegal and, ironically, be- 
fore Roosevelt made him head of the Securi- 
ties and Exchange Commission. 


Sinatra worshiped JFK (top left) despite his distrust of the Irish. But he seeihed ot Bobby Kennedy’s crusade og 
the Chicoga Mab boss. Frank helped JFK bed Marilyn (top right). Judith Campbell (Банат right), the hooker 


ШИЛ 
' VALET KNEW 


/ ABOUT FRANK 


GEORGE JACOBS REVEALS THE CHAIRMAN'S SECRETS. 
ME WAS A NEAT FREAK WHO SHOWERED AND 
CHANGED CLOTHES FOUR TIMES А DAY. 


HE HAO AN ENORMOUS PENIS, WHICH HE CONCEALED 
BY WEARING CUSTOM-MADE UNDERGARMENTS. 


HE DESPISED MARLON BRANDO, WHDM HE CALLED 
“MUMBLES.” BRANDD CALLED HIM “BALDIE.” 


НЕ ALWAYS СОТ LAID THE NIGHT BEFORE A RECORD- 
ING SESSION. 


HE REWARDED HIMSELF WITH A HDDKER THE NIGHT 
HE ALMOST NAILED PAT KENNEDY LAWFORD. 


HE STOOD FIVE-FODT-SEVEN AND WORE LIFTS IN ALL 
HIS SHDES. 


HE LOATHED ELVIS BUT STUDIED HIS RECORDS ТО SEE 
IF HE COULD UNDERSTAND THE KING'S MAGIC. 


HE TALKED LIKE A GANGSTER IN BED AND HATED 
SEXY LINGERIE. 


HE DNCE SET FIRE ТО PETER LAWFORD'S CLOTHES. 


HE WORE A GODD-LUCK TOUPEE DN OPENING NIGHTS. 


Because everybody loved JFK, we have 
mythologized his family into our American 
aristocracy and our image of Joe Kennedy is 
that of a Boston Brahmin patriarch. That's 
about as far off the mark as saying ЈЕК was 
faithful to Jackie. Joe was mobbed up to his 
fancy collar pins, with Sam Giancana at the 
Merchandise Mart in Chicago, the world’s 
largest commercial building, which he 
owned; with Meyer Lansky in Miami; with 
the one-armed bandit Wingy Grober in Ta- 
hoe. If anyone’s fortune was tainted, it was 
that of Mr. Ambassador. Mr. 5. worshiped 
Joe Kennedy’s brute force. His money was 
fuck-you money. Old Joe said fuck you to 
everyone. Sinatra respected his arrogance. 
Here was a poor mick, a street guy who had 
“passed” for class, getting into Harvard, 
buying his way into government, launder- 
ing his entire image. He was the embodi- 
ment of the great American success story. 

By 1958, Frank Sinatra was so successful 
in movies and music that even taking con 
trol of the business side of show business 
looked as if it might be too limiting to the 
juggernaut he was on. What else could there 
be for the man who had everything? The 
answer was power, political power, and 
crafty old Joe Kennedy knew just how to 
play to Mr. 5.% vanity, as well as to his inse- 
curity. The road to power would be his road 
to respect. Kennedy dangled an ambas- 
sadorship to Italy, he threw out the idea of 
senator from Nevada. 

I never lied about how I felt about Joc 
Kennedy. Mr. S. felt the same way about the 
old man, but (continued on page 126) 


t pol Sam Сіопсопо (bottom lefi), 
wolved with Frank, JFK and Sam. 


. 
Home Security 
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TAILOR MADE 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY ARNY FREYTAG 


miss јипе paints а 
pretty picture 


OU HAVE SEEN Tailor 

James before. The 

22-year-old Canadi- 
an ice-melter was one ofthe 
girls featured in our Febru- 
агу 2003 Cyber Girls picto- 
rial. “A friend of mine is a 
photographer, and it was his 
idea to try the whole PLAYBOY 
thing,” says Tailor. “It's fun- 
ny—most of my baby pic- 
tures are of my cousin and 
me running around nude in 
my grandmother's back- 
yard. 1 guess things haven't 
changed much.” 

Tailor calls the Toronto 
area home and has lived 
there her entire life. She 
started modeling at 17, pos- 
ing for calendars and doing 
catalog work. “I was ex- 
tremely independent, and 
when 1 was 18 I wanted to 
move out on my own,” she 
says. “Well, you know how 
teenagers are: They don't 
want to obey rules. I had a 
good upbringing and some- 
times І wish that I had 
stayed home a little longer, 
but that's life.” Even on her 
own, Tailor had the disci- 
pline to broaden her hori- 
zons. “I've studied market- 
ing, aesthetics and image 
consulting, and 1 am very 
interested in homeopathic 
medicine,” she says. “It has 


т a girly girl, but a lot of my 
friends are guys," says Toilor. “I 
like ta roller-skate and do guy 
things. My friends play roller 
hockey in the streets during the 
summer. I’m a Toranto Mople 
Leafs fan, sa | decided to wear 
my jersey for the shoot.” 


95 


“1 love painting and | 


drawing and making 
things,” says Tailor. 
"I've always been cre- 
ative—it comes down to 
that. I get stressed-out 
easily, but when 1 start 
painting it makes me 
forget everything else 
that's going on." 


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“ 


LITT 


never been my goal to be- 


come an actress, or famous 
When I vas little, I really 
wanted to go to Los Angeles 
because 1 was a big Barbie 
fan and it seemed like she 
was from LA. It was a little 
girl's dream come true.” 
Miss June says she's over 
the club scene and is more 
interested in her career. 
“I'm designing a line of 
panties that 1 plan to sell on 
my website and in stores. 
I'm а stay-at-home kind of 
girl now,” she admits. 71 
have a few close girlfriends, 
and 1 find it’s really impor- 
tant to surround myself with 
good people. With guys, the 
first thing that I notice is eye 
contact, or lack thereof. 1 
love big hands, but it has 
nothing to do with the myth, 
even though I think thats 
pretty much true. They just 
make me feel tiny. I love to 
cuddle, so when a guy has 
big hands it makes me feel 
safe. It's also a psychological 
thing.” Don’t get the im 
pression that Tailor is house 
bound, though. “I love life 
and don't get bored easily,” 


she says. “Any evening can 


be romantic provided I'm 
with someone whose compa- 
ny 1 enjoy. One day I'd like 
to have a family and a re- 
warding career. As long as 
I'm healthy and happy in 
whatever 1 choose to pur- 
sue, that’s all that matters.” 


See behind-the-scenes video 
Miss June's pictorial at cyber 
playboy.com. 


Tailor says she prefers roaming 
with Toby, her Russian Blue 
pussycat. "Toby is my baby—he's 
50 gorgeous,” she soys. "Не cud- 
ев with me, kisses me ond 
sleeps with me every night. Toby 
plays fetch like а dog, and when 
1 first got him I took him for walks 
Ground the block on a leash.” 


AAA AA 
"ҮТІ1. 
THT 
пазе... 


" 
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¿ARIAS 


Miss June hos a black belt in karate and started practicing when she wos nine years old. "Му dad thought it would discipline me,” she 
says. 71 studied about four times a week until | was 17. 1 was all over the place and hyper when | was young, swinging off cupboards. | 


had а lot of energy. I didn't toke karate far self-defense, but I've had a few little fights where I've had ta defend myself. If 1 feel like I'm 
being hassted, І can definitely put a guy in his place if | want to. I'm not shy when it comes ta that.” 


MISS JUNE вот каумме or me monn 


PLAYMATE DATA SHEET 


mm. “72/206 james 

must. 94 P waist: 24 mes: 34 ____ 
нетент: __5- 4!" ____метент: //0 225 = 
BIRTH рате: OY /21//080 _ BIRTHPLACE : Y 753/55 AU CA „ONTARIO (тьвоттоу_ 
AMBITIONS: ZO BE HAPPY & SUCCESSFUL WITH WHATEVER 1 CHOOSE 


70 а A El ЈЕ; 


TURN-ONS: 4 Е, HONEST E 
нот BUBBLE батыс, коор, CANDLELIGHT. Žž — — Ž Ž Ž 
TURNOFFS: EGOTISTICAL , MATERIAL/STIC & SUPER EOPLE 


JEALOUSY IGNORANCE , LACK OF INDEPENDENCE, POOR HYGIENE 


WHY I TOOK TIME OFF FROM MODELING: 2 MAKE SOME TIME FOR MYSELF . 
I 


A мр. 1 RE; 


WHY SHOULD PEOPLE VISIT TORONTO? TORONTO 18 A GREAT Ciry Fok 


HoPeiN(c AND NIGHTLIFE , AND 18 AN ALL-AROUND BEAUTIFUL CITY 


PERIEN WITH ko 1 ы. © 


TWO BOOKS ON MY NIGHT TABLES: ¿SNOW THIS Масы/ [5 TRUE Сывшу Lama), 


mı ARE FR AS 


THREE THINGS ALWAYS IN MY FRIDGE: HEALMANN'S MAYONNAISE, Hummys è VEGGIES . 


KICKING OFF my 
MODELING CAREER AT 77, PERSON IN THE WORLD д STRAY BARN киту 


WITH Ту Frvo RITE AT A SHOOT wiTH. 


—my рар . 


PLAYBOY’S PARTY JOKES 


А husband returned home early from work to 
find his wife lying naked in bed. He noticed 
a cigar in the ashtray on the nightstand. The 
husband yelled, “Where in the hell did that 
come from?” 

А voice from under the bed said, “Havana.” 


Two cows were standing next to each other in 
a field. One cow said, “1 was artificially insemi- 


nated this morning 
1 don't believe you.” 


Che other 
The first cow said, "It's true. No bull." 


TASTELESS JOKE OF THE MONTH: What do а plas- 
tic bag and Michael Jackson have in common? 
One of them is white and harmful to children, 
and the other is a plastic bag. 


А man walked into a fur store with a beautiful 
blonde on his arm. “Show the lady your finest 
mink,” the man said. 

The owner brought out a beautiful full- 
length mink coat. As (ће woman tried it on, the 
“That sells for $95,000. 
n said, “No problem. ГШ w 


check.” 

“Very good, sir,” the owner said. 
Friday. You may come by on Monday to pick it 
up, after the check has cleared.” 

“The man wrote out the check and left with 
the blonde. On Monday, the man returned. 
The store owner was obviously upset. "How 
dare you show your here? Do you know 


that your check bounced because of 
insufficient funds?” 
"I know,” the man said. "I just wanted to 


stop by and thank you for one of the best 
weekends of my life.” 


A doctor and his wife were having a heated 
argument at breakfast. As he stormed out of 
the house, the man angrily yelled, "You aren't 
that good in bed, eithe 

By midmorning he had decided to make 
5, and called home. After many rings, 

answered, clearly out of breath. He 
What took you so long to answer the 
hy are you panting?” 

in bed with the gardener, 

getting a second opinion.” 


В. омок JOKE OF THE MONTH: A doctor gave his 
blonde patient a packet of birth control pills. 
А week later, she returned and told him they 
weren't working. "What's wrong with them?” 
the doctor aske 

She replied, “They keep falling out.” 


А lion woke up one morning feeling rowdy. 
He cornered a monkey and roared, "Who is 
mightiest of all the animals in the jungle?” 

The trembling monkey replied, “You are, 
mighty lion.” 

Later, the lion confronted a deer and bel- 
lowed, “Who is mightiest of all the animals in 
the jungle?” 

The terrified deer stammered, “You are by 
far the mightiest animal in the jungle.” 

The lion swaggered up to an clephant and 
roared, “Who is mightiest of all the animals in 
the jungle?” 

Annoyed, the elephant picked up the lion 
with his trunk, slammed him against a tree and 
stomped on him. As he hobbled E the lion 
said, "Man, just because you don't know the 

you don't have to make such a big deal 


What doa turtle and 
mon? If they're on tl 


prostitute have in com- 


backs, they're fucked. 


What's the difference between oral sex and 
anal sex? Oral sex makes your day. Anal sex 
makes your hole weak. 


Mu 


А young boy walked into the kitchen and 
asked his mother, "Is it true that people can be 
taken apart like machines?" 

“ОГ course not. Where did you hear some- 
thing like that?" his plied. 

The young boy “Well, the other 
day, Daddy was talking to someone on the 
phone, and he said that he screwed the ass off 
his secretary." 


Why were men given larger brains than dogs? 
So that they wouldn't hump women’s legs at 
cocktail parties. 


Send your jokes on postcards to Party Jokes Editor, 
PLAYBOY, 680 North Lake Shore Drive, Chicago, 
Illinois 60611, or by e-mail to jokes@ playboy com. 
$100 will be paid to the contributor whose submis- 
sion is selected. Sorry, jokes cannot be returned. 


Y » 


"Goddamn it, Myra—when are you going to get up off your 
ass and clean this place?" 


animal se 


BOOBOLOGY 101 


In 1987 Dr. Wiliam Loughry of Akron City Hospital in Ohio 
snapped wide-angle photos of the bare breasts of 248 wom- 
en, then graphed them with a computerized plotting device. 
Two years later, Dr. Loughry photographed 598 topless wom- 
en but this time included more charts. Eureka! Loughry dis- 
covered that 90 percent of women’s right and left breasts are 
roughly the same size. For some reason, the Nobel Prize 
committee continues to overlook his achievement. 


Ө 


In the mid-Sixties, psychologist Stephen Lawrence 
of San Bernardino, California organized a 24-hour group ther- 
apy session at a nudist camp. The session began with the 
participants sharing their feelings about being nude. Next 
they walked to a pool, disrobed and jumped in. The group 
then discussed its voyeuristic needs, control of sexual im- 
pulses and the emotional adjustment required to be nude. 
During the session, participants watched a videotape of 
themselves being nude. Eureka! “Data suggest that nudity 
as a facilitator in the group process can be significantly ef- 
fective with some therapists and some clients in some set- 
tings,” Lawrence wrote. Group nudity—better than Prozac. 


FOUR BIG BREAKTHROUGHS 


1) After interviewing 60 men 
and 22 women who said they 
hadn't had sex in at least six 
months (many belonged to an 
online discussion group for “in- 
voluntary celibates”), five fe- 
male sociologists from Georgia 
State University concluded that > 
the longer a person goes with Р. 
ош getting laid, the more he 2 
thinks he'll never get laid. 


(2) After quizzing 120 students, 
a University of Northern lowa 
professor learned that while gay 
men use more sexual slang 
than straights, 43 percent don't 
have a favorite word for vagina. 


3) In 1994 a Rutgers professor hypothesized that obscene 
callers operate under an “opportunity proposition." That is, in 
order to make an obscene call, the caller needs a phone, 
spare time, privacy and a woman to answer the call. The prof 
suggested that the more opportunities an obscene caller has 
to make obscene calls, the more obscene calls he will make. 


(4) After surveying 223 college students, researchers found 
that for most sexual activities “pleasure ratings were higher 
among respondents who had engaged in the activity.” This 
bolstered the idea that “pleasure motivates sexual behavior.” 


DOGGY STYLE ү, 
ves, these questions | РОС КЕТ 


== tested оп animals E у / ROCKET 
SCIENCE 


(1) After measuring 63 men, Canadian scientists 
found no strong link between penis size and height. 
After measuring 104 men, English scientists found 
How do porc es pork? no link between penis and shoe size. After measur- 
According to observations made at the Universi- ing 52 men, Greek scientists found a link between 
ty of Buffalo in 1946, the male walks on three penis and index-finger size. Next up: finger surgery. 
legs, clutching at his genitals with the free paw. 
Then he rears up, flashes his erection and cov- (2) In a 1971 textbook, child psychiatrist Bertrand 
ers the female with a stream of urine. This ritu- Cramer observed that “the capacity of the penis 
al continues for several weeks. When it's time to and testicles to move and retract may contribute to 
actually mate, the animals relax their spines so a boy's interest in machinery and physics." 

the bristles lay flat. Scientific conclusion: Porcu- 

pines do it carefully. (3) What does a boner sound like? In 1971 a medical journal re- 
‚+? ported on a $30 accessory that allows laboratory researchers to 
hear subjects’ penile expansions. 


What gets your goat hot 

In 1984 researchers conducted three tests: (1) 
A male goat mated with a female goat while an- (4) ee. 
other male goat watched. (2) The male that had ( То urologists in Brussels tested 
just watched mated with the female while anoth the limits of penile extensibility, which 
er male watched. (3) The male that had just | is “the difference between the length 
watched mated with the female with no goats of the flaccid penis and the penis sub- 
watching. The study found that the male goats | mitted to a maximal constant trac- 
were едџаћу aroused in every situation. 4 tion.” The doctors extended the flaccid 
members of 17 fresh cadavers and 
four live specimens. They found that 
a penis can be stretched an average of 
1.5 inches—or slight- 
ly more if the skin has 
been removed. 


In 1964 psychologists from ms College in 
Massachusetts paired 72 male mice with female 
mice. After six weeks of fun, half the males were 
castrated. The nutless mice were placed with 
the females “until the ejaculatory reflex was 


lost." The study found that fast-recovery cas- \ == =: 
trated mice had more ejaculations than slow- In 1980 two psychiatrists at the State Uni- 


recovery castrated mice. versity of New York at Stony Brook reported that 
- they had designed a device to measure the force 
What's up with 7 at which ап erection buckles under pressure. 
Last year three urologists from Harvard Medical They're still looking for volunteers to test it. 
School implanted lab-grown penis tissue into 18 
rabbits. “The penis is more complex than any of ) After reading a 1968 study that concluded 
the organs we've engineered so far,” said one. 3 the left testicle hangs lower in right-handed 
HS 5 men (and vice versa) but that the higher ball 
упу do атта! d is heavier and larger, 
In 1996 veterinarians collected semen from wild 5 Chris McManus of the 
seals by inserting a greased probe up the ani- {| Queen Elizabeth Hospi- 
mals’ rectums to a depth of 14 inches and then tal in England exam- 
zapping the probe with a charge from an idling inedithestesticleston 
ATV. That same year, other vets began a field re- 107 ancient sculohires 
port with the sentence, “Electroejaculation is in Itali р! H 
difficult to perform on a rhinoceros.” ein ame 


у is tt ffect of С ise on got it wrong and made 
copu d the left ball smaller. Forty percent of the 
According to a study published in 1964, nothing. artists decided not to study their mod- 
els’ testicles too closely and made them 
the same size. 


Two psychologists from the State Universi- 
ty of New York at Albany asked 56 college 
students to watch a porn video four times in 
four days. On the fifth day the students were 
shown a new video. The professors learned 
that people who are bored watching the 
same porn over and over become interested 
again when you give them fresh porn. 


Psychologists from the University of Utah 
hooked up 48 volunteers to penis meters, 
sat them in recliners, showed them three- 
minute nature videos (including scenes with 
“small animals, forests, plants and rain") and 
told them to get hard without touching them- 
selves. It didn't work. In 1992 University of 
Georgia scientists hooked up 12 straight 
guys to penis meters, sat them in recliners, 
showed them gay porn and told them to get 
hard without touching themselves. That 
didn’t work either. 


Four psychologists from the University of 
Georgia asked 24 volunteers wearing penis 
meters to drink measured amounts of 100 
proof vodka and engage in a little “tactuo- 
motor manipulation” as they watched a porn 
video. The scientists found that the drunkest 
guys had the hardest time coming 


PLAYMATE 
SCIENCE 


In 1986 psycholo- 
gist John Rose- 
grant of Taylor, 
Michigan analyzed 
| 324 Centerfolds 
and concluded 
that the more 
bush a Playmate 
shows, the more 
likely it is she's 
wearing shoes. |п 
1993 Devendra 
Singh of the Uni- 
versity of Texas 
analyzed 312 
Centerfolds and 
reported that their 
waist-to-hip ratios 
had remained 
steady over the 
decades at 0.70. 
Last year two 
sociologists at the 
University of Wis- 
consin analyzed 
524 Centerfolds 
and disputed 
Singh's figure. 
This past Decem- 
ber a researcher 
in Vienna and a 
Toronto psycholo- 
gist analyzed 577 
Centerfolds and 
found that their 
waist-to-hip ratios 
had increased over 
the years—as had 
their waist-to-bust 
ratios and the 
number of times 
scientists now 
must study our 
Centerfolds to ( 
reconcile all the 
conflicting data. 


== 


[АВ DANCERS 


Four professors from the University of California at Sarıta Bar- 
bara invited 33 customers at a strip club in Las Vegas to watch three- 
minute routines by nude or seminude dancers from four feet away, six 
inches away with no contact and six inches away with a brief touch on 
the shoulder and a single stroke down the arm. Eureka! Men prefer nude 
dancers who stand close and touch them. 


ТНЕ НОТ 20МЕ 


Sweden reported а downturn in gonorrhea in 
the early Seventies after introducing a cam- 
paign that included a drawing of a winged pe- 
nis flying over a patch of flowers. Rates of 
gonorrhea did not go down in Denmark. One 
scientist noted that rather than the flying pe- 
nis, linguistics may have played a role in how 
often men bought rubbers. The Swedish word 
for condom is kondom. The Danish word 15 
svangerskabsforebyggende middel. 


n led by a psychologist from Ohio State 
suggested that sexual interest in the female 
foot peaks during epidemics of STDs (most re- 
cently, AIDS). So researchers counted the 
number of bare feet shown in every issue of 
PLAYBOY—as well as Adam, Club, Fox, High 
Society, Live, Penthouse and Velvet—over 30 
years. They found an average of seven photos 
with bare feet in 1965 had jumped to more 
than 20 per issue by 1994. 


9 Dr. James Gilbaugh of St. Vincent 
He in Portland, Oregon brushed a sani- 
tized toilet 
seat with the 
discharge of 
men with gon- 
orrhea. The 
bad news: The 
discharge sur- 
vived on the 
seat for up to 
two hours. The 
good news: 
The doctor 
found no 
gonorrhea on 
samples he 
collected from 
72 public rest 


room seats. 

That guy in Жә £ 
the white coat 

wasn't the іш. < 
janitor. x a PRA, 


INTERNAL FINDINGS 


2 15 at the University Hospital in Groningen in the Nether- 
lands recruited Couples to have intercourse inside an MRI scanner. Once 
penetration had occurred long enough to get clear images (12 seconds), 
the man slid out of the scanner so the woman could masturbate to or- 
ваѕт. Only one couple— street acrobats in their 40s—managed full pene- 
tration without Viagra. The team's chief discovery was that during sex, the 
penis bends like a boomerang until it's almost parallel to the woman's 
spine. And, like а boomerang, the penis always returns to the same spot. 


' MORE BREAKTHROUGHS 


\ 1 ) AUniversity of Glasgow professor asked 40 people who had 
each drunk two pints of beer and 40 sober people to rate photos of 
120 college students. The drinkers found the students in the pho- 
tos 25 percent more attractive than did those who had not imbibed. 


2 Psychologist Russell Eisenman of the University of Texas- 
Pan American recruited two popular male student athletes to survey 
50 female undergrads “considered by the males to be sexually ac- 
tive, based on the males’ prior social experiences and knowledge of 
the females.” The men asked half of the women, “In having sex, 
which feels better, length of penis or width of penis?” To counter any 
linguistic bias, they asked the rest of the women, ‘In having sex, 
which feels better, width of penis or length of penis?” Forty-five of 
the 50 women surveyed said width felt better. It was not reported 
how many times the questioners got laid. 


(3 Nine researchers observed 15,008 couples holding hands 
and concluded that men are more likely to put their hand on top. 


4) Two psychologists from Northwestern University used а 
newspaper ad to recruit women ages 25 to 35 who had slept with 
a large number of men. The professors paid each woman (who av- 
eraged 58 partners) 10 bucks to spend 90 minutes describing her 
sex life. The study revealed that promiscuous women are generally 
more attractive. It also revealed an easy way to meet slutty babes. 


BACHELOR OF ARTS 


* In 1961 Gary Fisher of Fairview State Hospital in Costa Mesa, 
California asked 1154 juvenile delinquents to draw a human fig- 
ше. He concluded that when a teenage boy draws a nude, it is 
likely to be a female nude. 


* Researchers asked 40 students at Purdue to draw nudes. They 
reported that the students with the most positive attitudes about 
sex were more likely to draw nipples, pubic hair and the pee hole. 


* In 1954 a psychologist at the University of Sydney tested 779 
children and found that boys prefer rounded shapes while girls 
prefer pointed ones. He added, helpfully, “The female form dif- 
fers essentially from the male in its curved aspects.” 


* Stephen Schmidt of Middle Tennessee State University reports 
that when men are shown photos of naked women, “the nude im- 
pairs memory of background details as well as pictures immedi- 
ately following the nude.” He calls it anterograde amnesia. No 
wonder we can never remember any Party Jokes. 


penis 
uterus 

с. scrotum 
perineum 
е. bladder 


In 1985 three 
Harvard Medical 
School researchers 
added chilled semen 
to test tubes of warm 
Coca-Cola. Diet Coke 
killed sperm within 60 
seconds, while Classic 
Coke had five times 
the spermicidal effect 
of New Coke. 


AROMATIC EROTICA 


Neurologist Alan Hirsch of Chicago hooked up 
penis meters to 31 men, then placed scented 
masks over their faces. He found that a combi- 
nation of pumpkin pie and lavender increased 


blood flow to the penis by 40 percent, while a 
mix of doughnut and Good & Plenty did so by 32 
percent. No scent decreased arousal. In a study 
of 30 women, vaginal blood flow increased 13 
percent with the scent of baby powder or a com- 
bination of Good & Plenty and cucumber. Arousa! 
decreased with the smell of cherry or barbecue. 


у at the Unversity, of ophidiophilia arousal by snakes 
Ferrara in Italy shot capsaicin, the ac- 
tive ingredient in hot peppers, into the 


urethras of 10 men suffering from un- 
explained impotence. Each got an erec- 


arousal from 
REO with an amputee 


tion. (Do we even need to say, "Don't sassinophilia arousal by 
try this at home"?) aay aie your own death 

| experiment, scien- ШЫТА; eund 
tists in Mexico asked 25 women to SEEN MES 
masturbate using a plastic cylinder arousal from chew- 
covered with a condom and connected ing sweaty underwear 
to a strain gauge. Each woman 
pressed the cylinder against the front arousal from 
and back walls of her vagina until she flashing penis to evoke shock 
felt discomfort. The research revealed 
that the women who consumed the а arousal from 
most hot peppers each day had the awakening a sleeping stranger 
highest tolerance for vaginal pain. with caresses or oral sex 
FURTHER READING 


“Early Genital Naming,” Journal of Developmental and Behavioral Pediatrics, 1991 

“Effect of an IUD on the Singing Voice,” Vestn. Otorinolaringology, 1983 

“First Impressions of Female Bust Size," Journal of Social Psychology, 1980 

“Massage Parlors and Hand Whores: Some Sociological Observations,” Journal of Sex Research, 1975 

“Pornography: Some Implications for Nursing," Health Care Analysis, 1997 

“Potential DNA Mixtures Introduced by Kissing,” International Journal of Legal Medicine, 1998 

“Semen Quality With Reference to Metal Welding,” Reproductive Toxicology, 1998 

“Sperm Drinking by Female Catfishes: A Novel Mode of Insemination,” Environrnental Biology of 
Fishes, 1995 


We are indebted to the Annals of Improbable Research (improbable.com). 


GERN от со са A EE CELE 


==. 


ELE, 


ELA 


FE 


TESTE 


М 
% 


ZA 
Г 


777 
DEE: 


“Must you bring that up every time we have an argument?” 


113 


EXTREME ATHLETES САТСН А 
WAVE AND HIT THE PAVEMENT 
IN CALIFORNIA'S FINEST 


hi (560) e pants ($56) by 
= ($20) and watch by Міхо 
up Base) in a shirt ($40), jeans 
shirt ($18) by and shoes by ( watch is by Vestal ($90) and 
glasses are his own. Pro Shane Beschen is ina shirt Rex T-shirt a and jeans ($98) 
lasses by | ($80) and watch from (5125). Josh wears a 


b 9 
shirt ($40) and jeans ($50) by flip-flops by ($22) and watch 
from Р Ко 5 (570). Atop the woody, our surfer girl is in а bikini by a ($54). 


the 


qu 


di АЕ EN қаз 


A 


Ryan Jones 


a. 


\ ~ NIS 


left to right, Зћапе 5 in a shirt ($44) 
The legendary Titus 


in a top ($40) and trunks 
($ у Ou Brad is in trunks by 
ЭЗЭН (546). Shane earing a T-shirt by 
($19) and his trunks are by Soo York (546). 


THIS PAGE: Give him an empty swimming pool, and Omar will 
dazzle you with his creativity—he's one of the sport's most famous 
trick innovators. But here he takes a break to shoot pool instead. 
He surveys his lie in a T-shirt ($18), khaki pants ($44) and сар 
($20), all by Quiksilver. Checking out his tabletop technique;the: 
felt fatale is in a black top ($42) and flood pants ($52) by Volcom. 
She's wearing a watch by Nixon ($75). Talking to the other girl is 
Chicken, in a shirt ($44) and T-shirt ($18) by Voleom and jeans 
by Globe ($54). She is in a top ($26) and shorts ($36) by Split. 
Inset, brandishing his cock, is Chicken, in a shirt by Emerica 
($45) and jeans by Fourstar Clothing ($60). 


OPPOSITE PAGE: In the skate shop, 
Omar, at left is іп а shirt (550) and jeans 
(670) by Quiksilver, hat by Siac: 

bel ($25) and watch by Nixon ($200). 
Frankie wears a sweatshirt by 5 
(644), jeans by Hr! y (560) and cap by 
Lith’ J ($28). The watch is his own. 
THIS PAGE: Shane is in a silk shirt 
($55) ahd,khakis ($45) by Axis. He is 
the only big |еабџе“випег ever to Score 
three perfect 10s in competition. (An- 
other reason to start surfing? That's his 
wife in the û bikini.) Inset is nine-time 
skimboarding world champion Bill Bryan. 
His trunks are by |. os! (546). 


WHERE AND HOWTO BUY ON PAGE 158. 


120 


SHADES 


Slick new sunglasses 


make you the star 


Fashion By JOSEPH DE ACETIS 


he overarching reason 10 їп- 

vest in quality shades: You'll 

be wearing these fashion 

statements on your face. This 
summer, a couple of trends are emerging. 
Forget the yellow-and-amber conformity of 
the past two seasons—Iens colors are mul- 
tiplying fast. Purple? Rust? It's all part ofthe 
current mix. And while most styles come in 
larger sizes this year, їпеу'ге still extreme- 
ly lightweight. These days, sunglasses go 
everywhere—so it's best to own several 
pairs. The glasses that help you maintain 
your poker face while sealing a business 
deal are not what you need for slurping 
cocktails at a beachfront bar or paddling 
toward the sun in a sea kayak. Ray-Ban 
makes the rectangular glasses (1) with 
gray lenses ($130). The pair with metal 
frames (2) is by Calvin Klein (5200). The 
titanium-frame glasses with green lens- 
es (3) are by Morgenthal Frederics 
($365). The copper-colored pair (4) is by 
Bevel ($375). Paul Smith makes the 
amber plastic wraps (5) (5215). The wrap- 
arounds (6) with amber lenses are by 
Donna Karan ($340). The gold aviators 
(7) are by Selima ($250). The pair of 
metal-frame glasses with purple lenses (8) 
is by Nike Eyewear ($140) 


PRODUCED BY JENNIFER RYAN JONES 
PHOTOGRAPHY БҮ MARK PLATT 


“І would love to stay longer but my wife is waiting for the groceries.” 


PLAYBOY'S 


200 


the multiplatinum mayor of nellyville holds forth on 
halle, hummers and—whoa, it's getting hot in here 


1 


PLAYBOY: It's common among guys who 
suddenly reach your level of success to 
get a Ferrari, а huge house and an en- 
tourage You now head a corporation 
Give us a sense of your payroll and 
health plan. 

NELLY: Yeah, I'm a businessman now— 
Dirty Entertainment. The payroll is 
about $30,000 a month. That's if noth- 
ing's going on, if we don't do a show. 
My mom is probably the only one who 
gets paid who's not traveling with me 
now. But the payroll can range any- 
where from 30 to 150 grand. It de- 
pends. We all just took physicals for 
our insurance plan. We got our cards. 
My movie production company is un- 
der Dirty Entertainment, as is Vokal, 
my clothing line. It's in stores now 


2 


PLAYBOY: Before you made it big, you 
worked at McDonald's. What would re- 
vitalize the Golden Arche: 
NELLY: Broadening the menu a little. I 
think people are getting tired of the 
McDonald's regular menu, especially 
with so many other franchises opening 
up. People’s tastes are changing. But 
there will always be kids who can't wait 
to get a Happy Meal 


3 


PLAYBOY: If you can't have it your way, 
which way would you have it? 
кылу: Probably Halle Berr 


4 


гдувоу: How does one dress for hip- 
hop success? 

RELLY: That's the thing: Hip-hop allows 
you to do it any way you see fit. Hip- 
hop doesn't limit you to the Wall Streer 
type of success. It allows you to be a 
businessman and an artist. I like to chill 
out in athletic clothes, but I want to 
put on a suit every now and then, clean 


s way. 


Interview by Robert Crane 


it up a little bit. As long as you have 
clothes, you can handle your business 
Hell, you can be dressed in your un- 
derwear and still make a lot of bills. 


5 


playboy: When you're selling apparel, 
is it a good idea to have a song urging 
women to take off all their clothes? 
мешу: Unfortunately, when I sang that 
song, we didn't have a women's line out 
yet. Apple Bottoms—that's the name of 
my ladies' line. So look for the Vokal 
Hot in Herre remix. I'll be singing about 
putting ‘em on. 


6 


PLAYBOY: Are you concerned with how 
the clothes will look on the floor? 
NELLY: Maybe lingerie. You're on your 
way to the bathroom, then you see this 
nice thong that used to be on her. It 
gets you back in the mood real fast. 


7 


PLAYBOY: What makes for better mood 
music—Nelly or Barry White? 

NELLY: It depends. Barry White puts it 
out there for you. He sets the mood— 
probably not for my generation, but 
for my father's. When I was little, if you 
walked in the house and Barry was on, 
you'd go to your room and shut the 
door, you know what I'm saying? Be- 
cause there was something going down 
you didn't need to be a part of. 


8 


PLAYBOY: Is bling-bling a competitive 
sport? 

NELLY: If you have jewelry, you notice 
jewelry. It could be earrings, watches 
You'll notice a bang-ass ring—you may 
not stare at it. but you notice it. The 
first guy who really excited me about. 
jewelry was Jermaine Dupri. He had 
that big 772" necklace and it was all 
diamonds. I had seen it before I had a 


deal, and 1 was like, "Oh! I've got to get 
one of them!" It was extra inspiration 
for me. So when 1 got my first deal, I 
bought a big "Nelly" in diamonds on a 
chain. All of us take notice of what oth- 
er guys have around their necks 


9 


pravsov: But Jermaine Dupri is having 
money problems now. Aren't you sup- 
posed то pur the money in the bank 
and not around your neck? 

NELLY: As long as you have more in the 
bank than you do around your neck, 
you'll be cool. The problem gets mixed 
up when it’s the other way around. But 
luckily we don't have that problem. 


10 


PLAYBOY: Ice-T, Ice Cube, LL Cool J, 
DMX, Pufiy—whose career would you 
like to emulate? 

NELLY: What I'm going to do is try to 
take pieces. 1 would try to get the lon- 
gevity of LL. Everybody would like Puf- 
fy’s status, because even if he's not do- 
ing as well as he would like with his 
records, he still maintains his fame. Га 
like to extend my acting career like 
DMX has. So for me and my genera- 
tion of hip-hop, we're looking at those 
guys and trying to branch out. 


11 


пауноу: Do you drive a Hummer? 
мешу: Yeah. 1 had the big steel one but 
recently got rid of it. I've got the НЭ 
now, I liked the big one, but driving it 
was a workout. There’s no power ste 
ing. You can't just drive that up and 
down the block every day, park it, take 
it back out. The H2 is more streetwise. 
but it still gives you a little Hummer 
feel if you're ready to go all-terrain 


12 


PLAYBOY: Can you do drive-through 
with that? (concluded on page 138) 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY ROBIN HOLLAND 


PLAYBOY 


126 


SINATRA 


(continued from page 92) 
he liked the boy. He believed in the 
product the old hustler was promoting 
It was the best investment, the ambas- 
sador said, that Sinatra could ever 
make. But to do this. Mr. 8. had a lot to 
overcome. He had an instinctive ha- 
tred of the Irish from Hoboken, when 
the shanty gangs were the dago gangs’ 
worst enemies, never to be trusted. Мт. 
5. had an immediate mistrust of Joe's 
son Bobby, though he hadn't met him 
in person. How could he trust this 
nasty kid, a street-fighter type despite 
his Harvard sheepskin? This kid was 
working for Joseph McCarthy one day, 
chasing Commies in Hollywood among 
Mr. S.'s friends. Then the next day he 
was working for another kind of witch- 
hunter, Senator John McClellan, the 
phony devout Southern Baptist chas- 
ing Teamsters in Chicago, again among 
Mr 5.5 friends. 

What was worse was Bobby's efforts 
to harass Sinatra's sacred cow, Sam Gi- 
ancana. When Bobby subpoenaed Мт. 
Sam before him, the polite don took 
the Fifth, and always with a smile. “I 
thought only little girls giggled, Mr. 
Giancana,” Bobby said, insulting the 
owner of Chicago on national tclevi- 
sion. "Can you believe this Није wea- 
sel?" Mr. S. shouted when he saw it 
“Can you believe how crazy this god- 
damn mick is!” 

1f Mr. S. didn't naturally cotton to 
the Irish, he had even more reserva- 
tions about the English. "Never trust 
that fancy accent," he warned me. That 
was especially true, he said, of Peter 
Lawford, the slimy limey himself: 
Cheap, weak, sneak and freak were the 
words Mr. S. most often used to de- 
scribe Lawford, who happened to ђе 
his showbiz link to the Kennedys. Sina- 
tra and Lawford had тег in their early 
days in Hollywood on the MGM lot in 
1946, when they co-starred with Jim- 
my Durante in It Happened in Brooklyn, 
and to Mr. S., Lawford had been one of 
the "classiest" guys he had met. Young 
Peter the child star was a cash cow for 
his parents and he would always be un- 
der the gun, whether from his family 
or from the Kennedys. 


Because Lawford was an eligible 
bachelor in the swinging late Forties, 
Mr. S.—still married to look-away Nan- 
cy—brought him into his circle of mu- 
sical swingers, including Jule Styne, 
who wrote the score for Sinatra's An- 
chors Aweigh and later for Marilyn's 
Gentlemen Prefer Blondes. Peter Law- 
ford, like these other guys, preferred 
hookers. Peter was whips-and-chains 
kinky and not the slightest bit ashamed 


of it, at least around me. He told me 
how his mother used to dress him up as 
а girl, then beat him with a hairbrush if 
he became a mischievous boy while in 
litle-lady drag. His remembrance of 
things past would get him going. “Let's 
go buy some puss, old boy” was his call 
toaction. Alas, his expensive tastes were 
not matched by his struggling-thespian 
pocketbook, and ће got a reputation 
for stiffing working girls. That was a 
real no-no among the Mr. S. group, 
which had deep respect for hookers 
and treated them with gallantry. Sina- 
tra often said to me he preferred an 
honest hooker to a conniving starlet. 

Peter had married Pat Kennedy in 
1954, in one of the society weddings of 
the year. Now, propelled by this front- 
page marriage, he was star of the TV 
version of The Thin Man, a detective 
comedy that made him the Cary Grant 
of the small screen. Suddenly he was 
the smoothest, slickest guy in America: 
debonair, English, a Kennedy, a star. 
He had it all. Except the full acknowl- 
edgement of Frank Sinatra, which at 
that point was in Hollywood what a ву 
APPOINTMENT TO HER MAJESTY tag was in 
Britain. 

Pat gave birth to a daughter, Victoria 
Francis, that the Lawfords said they 
were naming after their dear friend 
Francis Albert. Talk about flattery! Mr- 
S. ate it up. With Mr. S's eyes trained 
on Pat, Peter became his new best 
friend. Lawford overnight became one 
of the clan. Sinatra cast him in the new 
war movie with Gina Lollobrigida (Get- 
talittlebitofher, Sinatra droolingly re- 
named her), Never So Few. They drove 
twin Dual-Ghias, a supercool Euro-style 
roadster produced by Chrysler. 1 i 
they got them free, for the publicity. 

At the Sands, when he was singing 
something like Гое Got the World on a 
String and Pat Kennedy was sitting at 
the front table, he would come up and 
train his baby blues right on her, as if 
he were serenading her. She was gone. 
I don't know exactly what went on be- 
tween Pat and Mr. S., but they spent 
a huge amount of time together, both 
in Los Angeles and in Palm Springs, 
and Peter, who never lost his penchant. 
for hookers and walks on the wild side, 
was often missing in action. There was 
definitely something in the air be- 
tween them. 

“Do you find Pat attractive, George?" 
Mr. S. asked me. 

"She's a lovely lady, Mr. S.” 

"Arc you saying she's a dog, George?" 

“No way, Mr. S. How can a Kennedy 
bea dog?” 

"Be honest, George. Don't shit me." 

“If she wore makeup and did her 
hair..." 

"You wouldn't fuck her, would you, 
George?" 


"Ima married man, Mr. S." 

“I suppose you wouldn't fuck Gina 
Lollobrigida either?” Mr. S. gave me a 
“gotcha” smirk. 

1 couldn't believe Mr. S. was asking 
my opinion of Pat, but sometimes he 
would if he was truly confused about 
a situation. Pat was an outdoors girl 
Sports were her thing, a Kennedy 
thing, but somehow I didn't see Mr. S. 
playing touch football in Hyannis Port. 

One area where Lawford was clearly 
ahead of the curve was drug use. Drug- 
hater that he was, Mr. S. would have 
cut Peter dead if he had known about 
his enormous ingestion of cocaine, not 
to mention a level of pot smoking that 
would have impressed the hippies in 
Berkeley nearly a decade later. 1 feel 
bad about it, because I was something 
of what the folks in AA call an enabler. 
I would go with Peter on coke runs to 
Watts in a nondescript Chevy that he 
owned for his maids to use. It was the 
only time I ever saw him spend his own 
money оп anything. 

1 also babysat him many times when 
he got high. He talked about sex and 
about celebrity body parts, often in the 
company of his brother-in-law Jack 
Kennedy. To Jack's delight, Peter had 
actually been with some of the stars he 
described, hence tales of Lana Turner's 
perfect breasıs, Judy Garland's perfect 
blow jobs, Judy Holliday's perfect ass, 
before she got fat. For all his stars, 
however, Peter said flat-out that he pre- 
ferred whores. 1 can see how he and 
JFK bonded—over pussy. Peter had a 
special thing for black girls. Not for 
mulattoes like Lena Horne, but for jet- 
black pure African types, who were not 
seen on the silver screen in those days 
nor readily available through Holly- 
wood madams. 


On his visits to Palm Springs. Joe 
Kennedy, who expected to be serviced 
gratis, courtesy of his host, took a liking 
to one of Mr. S.'s favorite call girls at 
the time, a dark Irish Catholic beauty 
named Judy Campbell. She was the 
perfect Eisenhower-era pinup of the 
girl next door. That she charged for 
her wholesomeness was beside the 
point. Money was incidental to Mr. 5. 
and friends. Judy would go on to 
American infamy as the fourth corner 
of a quadrangle that included Sinatra, 
Giancana and JFK. But before the son 
took a bite of this poison apple, father 
Joseph was there first. 

In her memoirs, Judy Campbell was 
the lady who protested too much. She 
insisted she never took a penny from 
either JFK or Sam, that she traveled to 
Washington, Chicago, Vegas—planes, 
trains, luxury hotels—all of it at her 

(continued on page 140) 


MARTY 
MURPHY 


“Save your breath, Edith . . . 


false alarm . . . ! 


m 


127 


— = и ~ 


ТТ Dik 


veryone who watched Fox’s megahit Joe Millionaire was shocked 

when Evan Marriott picked Zora over Sarah Kozer—everyone ex- 

cept Sarah herself. “I think the other girls on the show were happy 

that Evan picked Zora, because we thought Zora really liked him,” 

says Sarah. "1 didn't know there was supposed to be a millionaire on the 

show when I agreed to go to Paris, and I never went into this expecting to 

get any money or compensation. I figured out quickly that Evan didn't have 

any money. 1 thought, Who inherits $50 million and calls Fox to say that he 
needs a girlfriend?” 

The show portrayed Sarah as а conniving temptress who tried to seduce 

the supposed millionaire when the cameras weren't rolling. She scoffs at the 


*1 knew Evan wasn't going to pick me because I saw the chemistry between him and 
Zora,” Sarah says about Fox's Jae Millionaire (that's her with contestants, ot top). 
“Milliancires have courted me before and | never went out with one. | date house- 
pointers and unemployed actors, but I still want someone wha is a little refined." 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY STEPHEN WAYDA 


129 


suggestion. “I never did more 
than kiss Evan,” says the 
old. “The woods scene was a se 
up. I was portrayed as seducing 
van on the show, but my heart 
was with someone е Before 1 
went to France, I met a house- 
painter from Belgium who was 
visiting Los Angeles. 1 really 
started to like this guy. Think- 
ing of him kept me from falling 
for Evan.” 

Sarah says her stint on Joe Mil- 
lionaire should have been called 
How Far ИЛИ You Go for a Free Trip 
to France? 71 love to jump into 
situation and try to swim my 
мау ош of it," she say n real- 
ly turned on by intrigue and 
mystery, and you can't get more 


PLAYBOY 


138 


Nell 

y (continued from page 125) 
NELLY: Yeah, with the new one. It’s just a 
hassle trying to turn tight corners and 
stuff. A lot of times I just go over shit. It's 
like, "The hell with it.” One time I ran 
over this guy's hedges and he came out— 
he wasn't really tripping off it, because 
he saw it was me. 1 said I was sorry, and 
then I gave him 100 bucks and told him, 
“Here, buy yourself some new bushes, 
тап.” He was cool with it. 


13 


PLAYBOY: What's your favorite drink? 
кылу: Ме drink a lot of pimp juice— 


Malibu rum with peach schnapps and 
pineapple juice. They call it pimp juice 
because it's real sweet and ladies like to 
drink it. It's easy for them. But after 
you've had about six and you goto stand 
up, you're like, “Whoa!” Between the 
rum and the schnapps, it kind of sncaks 
up on you. It's real good. 


14 


PLAYBOY: Xzibit, Outkast, Ludacris, Fab- 
olous. Ever thought about giving these 
guys a dictionary? 

NELLY: It's all about being original. It’s 
about putting your mark on it and mak- 
ing it something of your own. When we 
spelled Vokal, of course we took it off the 


Дд 


“Га ask you in, but I have to get up early tomorrow 
to shoot a porno film.” 


word vocal, but we thought, Vo-kal—just 
let the clothes speak for themselves. 


15 


PLAYBOY: East Coast versus West Coast. If 
you had to shoot somebody, who'd it be? 
NELLY: Right now probably Rams coach 
Mike Martz for putting Kurt Warner 
back in the game. Me and a host of oth- 
ers in St. Louis would line up. 


16 


PLAYBOY: Has anyone ever said, “Whoa, 
Nelly” and meant it? 

NELLY: Yeah, I've had quite a few people 
say, "Whoa, Nelly.” Usually girls 


17 


PLAYBOY: You've said you like it doggy 
style. Whose head would you most like 
to see the back of? 

NELLY: Halle's. Who else? Although J. Lo 
is engaged, the back of her head would 
look very nice. Actually, 1 doubt I would 
see the back of her head, because I'd be 
looking down too much 


18 


PLAYBOY: Women say they like lovers, not 
fighters. What do you think? 

NELLY: I think they really like a combi- 
nation. I don’t think women like a man 
who's unmanly, so to speak. I consider 
myself both, so I guess if they Te messing 
with me, they get a lover and a fighter. 


19 


rLAYBOY: How can you tell when a guy is 
lying about his sex life? 
NELLY: Nine times out of 10, the guy who 
raves on а lot isn't doing it like he says. 
Because if he is, he doesn't have time to 
talk about it too much. 


20 


PLAYBOY: Why will a guy hook up with a 
random skank even if he has something 
nice at home? 

NELLY: ] watch a lot of the Discovery 
Channel—animals in the jungle, stuff 
like that. The lion spreads his seed end- 
lessly in different territories. Man is the 
only species that really narrows it down 
and says, “You must be with one.” Why 
would we have millions of sperm for just 
one partner? It's a willingness to be de- 
voted. When we do that, we're showing 
our commitment to the female. It's more 
mental than physical. Otherwise, I think 
a man would just run wild in a world 
without diseases, A world without dis- 
eases would be heaven for men. They 
just get that urge. They don't mean any- 
thing by it. It’s just that they get on, they 
let it roll. It's a hard life. 


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PLAYBOY 


140 


SINATRA 


(continued from page 126) 
own expense, because she cared so much 
about them. Barbara Hutton could bare- 
ly have aflorded Judy's travel bills. 

Frank Sinatra had a terrible weakness 
for Sweet Irish Rose convent-school types. 
So how did Judy Campbell go from the 
convent to Sinatra's den of iniquity? Just 
in her early 20s, she had already escaped 
a bad marriage and, before that, a bro- 
ken family. Still, she acquired a taste for 


the good life. So Judy began turning dis- 
creet tricks. If there was a new trickster 
on the block, Mr. 5.5 good friend, the 
notorious whoremaster Jimmy Van 
Heusen, would sniff her out. That's how 
she got to Mr. S. 

Aside trom her looks, which combined 
a little Liz Taylor with a little Jackie 
Kennedy, Judy had other special quali- 
ties. A former Jersey girl, she knew all 
Frank's songs, and knew a lot more 
about music than the typical call girl. Mr. 
S. liked to talk to his hookers, and Judy 


“Protection? But, Мот--Гт wearing sunblock, sunglasses and 
a big hat! What more do you want?” 


spoke his language. He may have been 
one of the best johns in history, because 
he treated his whores like ladies. Га feed 
them, buy gifts for them on his orders, 
pick them up, drive them home, take 
care of the money for them (a top girl 
would get $100 а night back then). And, 
if they were good, and Judy was sup- 
posed to be very good, he'd invite them 
back and pass them through to his spe- 
cial friends. It was like a hot tip on a new 
restaurant. I may have given the money, 
typically inside a Hallmark "thank you" 
greeting card, to Judy at the beginning, 
but once she graduated to the inner cir- 
cle, she stopped charging Frank, as a 
commission for the introductions. 

Sometimes Mr. S. would treat his call 
girls so well that they forgot, as they 
would love to forget, how they met him. 
Judy may have been that way at first. But 
when she started making the rounds, to 
Eddie Fisher and “Cheap Pete” Lawford 
(who I'm sure was the one guy who got 
away without paying), then to Mr. Am- 
bassador and Mr. Sam and Mr. Pre: 
dent, she knew damn well that she was 
not the innocent "good-time girl" she 
pretended to be. 

Given that old Joe had had a long 
famous affair with Gloria Swanson 
and that young Jack would have a short 
famous one with Marilyn Monroe and 
other stars, I was surprised that either 
guy would have bothered for more than 
a session or two with Judy Campbell. 
But 1 guess the Irish boys liked com- 
ing home to roost. 


As much as 1 disliked his father, that’s 
how much I was crazy about John Fitz- 
gerald Kennedy. He was handsome and 
funny and naughty and as irreverent as 
Dean Martin. "What do colored people 
want, George?" he asked me the fir 
time he came to visit Palm Springs, not 
long after Sinatra and Peter Lawford 
became bosom buddies. 

“1 don't know, Mr. Senator.” 

“Jack, George. Jack." 

“What do you want, Jack?" I asked 

"I want to fuck every woman in Holly- 
wood,” he said with a big leering grin. 

“With a campaign promise like that 
you can't lose, sir.” 

“You're my man. Jack.” 

“No, it's George, sir.” 

“Who's on third?’ 

“Pardon me, sir?” 

“Jack, goddamn it. Call me Jack, or I'll 
send you back to Mi іррі.” 

“Louisiana. Jack. 1 
down in Mississippi. They hate you 
worse than me.” 

That was the way we'd go on, giving 
each other shit all the time, no master- 
servant games. He and Mr. 5. got along 
great. They had everything in common: 
charisma, talent, power. They were about 
the same age. but JFK seemed much 
younger. After all, like his dad, he was a 


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Harvard man. And а war hero. And a 
Pulitzer Prize-winning author. And a 
senator. Mr. S., dropout 4-F Hoboken 
man that he was, stood in awe of JFK 
and his Ivy slickness, his heroics, his ac- 
claim. Yet JFK was far more in awe of 
Mr. S. than Mr. S. was of him. Because 
Frank Sinatra controlled the one thing 
JFK wanted more than anything else 
pussy. Mr. 5. was the pope of pussy, and 
ТЕК was honored to kiss his ring. The 
pontif could bestow a Judy Campbell or, 
if he was feeling magnanimous, a Mari 
lyn Monroe, such was his beneficence. 

Marilyn was Mr. 828 celebrity version 
of Judy. He brokered assignations not 
only between her and ЈЕК, but also 
Giancana and fellow gangster Johnny 
Rosselli. I saw father Joe pinch her ass 
many times, but that may have been as 
far as it went, though with Marilyn it was 
hard to tell. She was the ultimate Girl 
Who Can't Say No. Ifa man showed in- 
terest (and rabid passion was the more 
typical emotion) she was so flattered that 
she thought it would be terribly rude to 
turn him down. Marilyn was nothing 
if not polite. 

So here was Mr. S., the big Hollywood 
matchmaker, the Hello Dolly of Sunset 
Boulevard. As far as he was concerned, 
he was just as happy to fix up his friends 
with the girls of Hollywood as he was 
having them himself. It was a case of 
been there, fucked that. 

I don't think Jack had a clue about 
Franks interest in his sister. Jack didn't 
worry about things like that. For all his 
charm, he was one of the most self-cen- 
tered guys I ever met. He focused on 
what was essential to him. That, I sup- 
pose, is how he got the job done. I am, 
however, amazed he achieved anything 
politically, given his endless obsession 
with sex and gossip. He wanted to know 
all of the Hollywood dirt—who was a 
drunk, who was a junkie, who had black 
lovers, everything. Maybe it was because 
being with Sinatra was a holiday for him 
that he showed so little enthusiasm for 
politics. I would ask him about Castro or 
Khrushchev, but he wanted to know if 
Janet Leigh was cheating on Tony Cur- 
tis. He read every issue of Confidential 
magazine. To him, that scandal sheet was 
a lot better than Foreign Affairs 

Aside from gossip and scandal, John 
Kennedy was obsessed with Mr. S.'s love 
life. Because Mr. S. wasn't a kiss-and- 
teller, JFK figured he could get the real 
skinny out of me. He loved getting mas- 
sages when we talked, and he claimed 
that 1 gave the best rubdowns outside 
the Senate gym. JFK lived with enor- 
mous pain. He wore a kind of stiff girdle 
to support his bad back, which must 
have been hell to get into and out of for 
all the quickies he got. 1 would work on 
his back for a good hour, all the while be- 
ing peppered with prurient questions 
about his favorite topic: celebrity рооп- 
tang, as he liked to call it 


“George, does Shirley MacLaine have 
а red pussy?” 

"T've never seen her pussy, Jack." 

"Come on. Isn't Shirley here in Palm 
Springs all the time?” 

“Why would she be here?” I asked. 

“То fuck the boss.” 

"It's not happening, Senator. No red 
puss from old Shirl.” 

“Then why in blazes did he cast her in 
those movit 

“Her acting, Jack.” 

ЈЕК roared. “You kill me, George. 
George, tell me something.” 

“What?” I asked. 

“If she’s not doing Frank, and she's 
not дотр Dean, who is she doing?” 

“Maybe she's doing herself, Senator.” 

“I like that, George. 1 like those legs of 
hers, don't you?” 

“They аге good, yes, sir.” 

"As good as Dietrich?” 

“Нага to bcat, even now," I answered. 

"She stroked my dick once, George." 

"Good for you, man." 

"It was in the south of France. Hótel 
du Cap. I was visiting my father for the 
summer from boarding school. I think 
she may have been fucking him. He may 
have put her up to it." 

"Where did she do it, Senator?" 

"The whole thing. Up and down." 

*] mean, in your room, the ue 2 

“Grand ballroom. 1 think it was Cole 
Porter. Begin the Beguine. It was dark and 
hot, lots ofcandles. She smelled like a 
French whore, George, this terrific per- 
fume. She was leading me, holding me 
so tight, and then she slipped her hand 
right down my trousers.” JFK was 
ting into some heavy nostalgia. " 
imagine what that was like for a god- 
damn teenager?” 

By the time I rolled him over to do his 
trunk and thighs he had an enormous 
erection. He turned beet red, but he 
didn't ask me to stop, or to stop talking. 
“We better get you laid, Jac! 

“You darn well better,” he agreed. 
“There's something about this desert air.” 


Even after John Е. Kennedy dedared 
for the Democratic presidential nomina- 
tion, I never heard him talk about роу- 
ernment or the plans for his New Fron- 
tier. I didn't expect him to talk about this 
stuff with me, except maybe as an car to 
the black community, of which I was not 
really a part. I did, however, assume he 
and Mr. 5. would have a lot of politics to 
talk about. Alter all, Mr. S. did have that 
framed and signed photo of FDR in a 
place of honor on the wall, and I figured 
that once he agreed to board the Ken- 
nedy campaign train, he would get 
deeply versed in politics. But, no. Here 
Mr. S. was with the man who was en 
route to becoming the great leader of 
our time, and what do I hear them talk 
about? Juliet Prowse's shaved mons 
veneris, what we now call a Brazilian 


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144 


wax. A lot of dancers and showgirls were 
shaved, but few normal women were, 
and ЈЕК was intrigued by the whole 
thing; ће pushed Mr. 5. 10 arrange for 
‚for the sake 
fic curiosity,” as the senator 
put it. “Naked lunch" was what he want 
ed. Mr. 5. didn’t get the joke. JFK had to 
explain his reference to the title of the 
hip heroin novel by William Burroughs. 
Mr. S. said he'd never heard of it. Why 
the hell would a guy like the senator be 
reading about a heroine? Sometimes Mr. 
S. could be incredible funny, usually at 
someone else's expense, and sometimes 
he could be as square as a Dubuque Ro- 
tarian. Where pop culture was con- 
cerned, if he himself wasn't the culture, 
he didn't want to know about it 

The other thing Frank Sinatra didn't 
want to know about was JFK's drug use. 
On several occasions in Palm Springs, 1 
was there when Peter Lawford and the 
future president did lines of cocaine to- 
gether in Lawford's guest room. The 
first time it happened Jack must have 
seen the shocked look on my face. “For 
my back, George,” Kennedy said (о me, 
with his bad-boy wink. Peter was more 
direct. “For god's sake, George, don't tell 
Frank,” he beseeched me. But to his 


brother-in-law, it was all one big lark. 
“National security,” he added, laughing, 
then offered me а line. Just as 1 kept the 


secret from Mr. S. about Peter's drug ob- 
session, I wasn't about to break the bad 
news about Jack, who Mr. S. had put on 
a pedestal. Sex and alcohol may have 
made Jack a better man in Sinatra's 


handicapping the odds whether Kenne- 
dy could beat Nixon, and whether or not 
it was a good idea. Mr. Sam preferred 
Nixon. "Bobby Kennedy is the fruit that 
poisons that whole tree," Sam said, sum- 
marizing his deep misgivings. Sinatra 
did his best to pacify the Chi Man, to as- 
sure him the little brother was chump 
change. “Jack's the candidate, not the 
weasel," Mr. S. said, hard-selling the 
kingpin. "Jack's our friend." 1 am cer- 
tain, however, that had Mr. Sam not giv- 
еп Mr. S. his blessing, Mr. 5. and compa- 
ny would never have devoted most of 
1960 to getting the Kennedys their im- 
possible dream. But given how much 
Mr. Sam distrusted Bobby, he surely ex- 


Duek. 


pected some serious tit for tat. 

The first tangible token of Mr. Ambas- 
sador's gratitude was the Cal-Neva 
Lodge, a rustic wigwam-inspired fish- 
and-game retreat that straddled the 
state line on the shores of Lake Tahoe. 
The Kennedys had been coming to this 
Alpine paradise since the Roaring Twen- 
ties. Because of its unique situation 
halfway in anything-goes Nevada, the 
lodge had been a haven for gangsters 
from its earliest days. Pretty Boy Floyd 
and other bullet-ridden legends had 
played there. The Kennedys loved the 
place. So did Sam Giancana. 

In the late s the nominal owner 
of the lodge was “Miami hotelier” (and 
Meyer Lansky lieutenant) Wingy (be 
cause of his missing arm, perfect name 
for a slot-machine guy) Grober. Mr. S. 
liked Wingy, who cozied up to the Sina- 
tra crowd by bringing out Sinatra's dear 
friend Skinny D'Amato from Atlantic 
City to run the place. Wingy was a front 
man for the ambassador, Mr. 5. said. In 
1960, before the election, Grober “sold” 
а halfinterest in the lodge for hundreds 
of thousands of dollars, a fortune back 
then, to a consortium including Sinatra, 
Dean Martin and Peter Lawford, who 
were fronting for Sam Giancana. 


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PLAYBOY 


The Rat Pack was how the public came 
to know the crew that made Ocean's 11, 
which was based at the Sands in 1960. 
(The option on the script was paid for by 
Pat Kennedy Lawford.) The name the 
guys used for themselves was the Clan, 
but that sounded like the Ku Klux Klan. 
Jack Kennedy already had problems as a 
Catholic in the South without being con- 
nected to a bunch of ethnically diverse 
performers with a moniker like the Clan. 
These guys were inflammatory enough 
on their own. That was the point, to use 
these hip Hollywood Unsquares to play 
at being cool Mob-Vegas types and get a 
young and changing America to vote for 
JFK and against the ultimate square, 
Dick Nixon. If the whole Ocean's 11 ex- 
perience was something of a long sub- 
liminal liquor ad, the famous Vegas 
shows at night during the filming were a 
frequently direct plug for the Kennedy 
as key to JFK's image as the 
y musical Camelot. You didn't 
see Nixon at the Sands, but Kennedy 
was right there at the A table for the 
country to ogle. The way the Rat Pack 
was used to sell the president—including 
the Sinatra-sung, Cahn- Van Heusen- 
written campaign song High Hopes—was 
all the brainchild of Mr. Ambassador. 

Mr. S. was happier during the Kenne- 
dy campaign than at any other time 
since 1 began to work for him. He was in 
even better spirits than when he won the 
Oscar for From Here to Eternity. Now he 
had a purpose, a higher calling than 
Hollywood stardom. "We're gonna take 
this mother, George," he would say con- 
stantly. Despite JFK's decadent indul- 
gences, І never sensed that Sinatra was 
personally troubled in any way by the 
character of “his leader.” Nor did he 
seem repulsed by the repulsive behavior 
of his leader's father. That is, not before 
two occasions during the run for Wash- 
ington when old Joe made Мт. 5. feel 
lower than studio head Lew Wasserman 
or producer Sam Spiegel ever had 

The first was when he was trying to 


put a movie together based on the book 
The Execution of Private Slovik, about a 
soldier who was executed by the Army 
for desertion. Mr. S. was planning to di- 
rect it, his first venture behind the cam- 
era. It was a total downer, but, as Mr. 5. 
put it, “you don't win Oscars for come- 
dies." He hadn't given up on being taken 
seriously as a filmmaker, and he knew 
that Ocean's 11 wasn't going to do it for 
him. But he made а fatal mistake. In try- 
ing to get a great script, he hired an old 
friend he thought was a great writer, 
Albert Maltz, who was known as a mas- 
ter of “message” movies. Unfortunately, 
Maltz was even better known as one of 
the Hollywood 10. Blacklisted in the Mc- 
Carthy witch-hunts as a Red, Maltz had 
fled to Mexico. He had not had a screen 
credit, at least not under his own name, 
for years. Mr. S. was giving him a chance 
at a comeback. That was something Mr. 
S. loved to do. 

But not Joe Kennedy. When Sinatra's 
movie plans hit all the papers, Joe 
freaked out over what he read. “What is 
this commie Jew shit? You stupid guin- 
ea!” the ambassador unloaded on the 
Chairman over the phone, and Mr. S. 
took it. Of course, this was after half the 
country had been whipped up into a 
Red scare by the press. In Hollywood, 
John Wayne had come out against poor 
Maltz. Mr. S. had told the press to fuck 
themselves, he told the Duke to fuck him- 
self, took out ads in the trade papers as- 
serting his right to free speech, his right 
to make his own movies. But he didn't 
say fuck you to old Joe. He said, "Yes, 
” Mr. S. justified dropping Maltz (he 
paid him i V RM) side project on the 
grounds of helping Jack, but it still killed 
him to have to eat humble pie and give 
up his dream. He went on a three-day 
Jack Daniel's binge and totally destroyed 
his office at the Bowmont Drive house. 
“Who gives a shit? I'm outta this fucking 
business!" he screamed, ripping up books 
and scripts, turning over bookcases. 

Nothing, however, got Mr. S. more 
crazed than old Joe's edict that Sammy 


lowed to perform at JFK's inau- 
gural. Sammy was the ambassador's sum 
of all fears. He was black, he was Jewish, 
he was married to a blonde Aryan, he 
was a superstar. 1t drove old Joe crazy 
that Sammy had beaten all the odds. But 
he wasn't going to beat Joe's odds. Joe 
had absolutely no gratitude for the inde- 
fatigable campaigning Sammy had done 
for Jack as a key pillar of the Rat Pack. 
To him, Sammy was just a pushy nigger 
who could only give his son a worsc 
name in the throwback places like the 
South, where he already had a bad one. 
Sammy had to eat a lot of shit during 
the campaign, jokes like he was going to 
be JFK's ambassador to Israel or to the 
Congo. He also had postponed his wed- 
ding to Swedish goddess May Britt until 
after the election, so as not to turn off 
voters at the last minute. 

So it was brutal when old Joe put his 
jackboot down on Sinatra's fingers опе 
more time and, та dictatorial telephone 
conversation with Mr. 5., barred Sammy 
from this show of shows, a cavalcade of 
America's greatest talent. If anybody be- 
longed in the program, front and center, 
it was Sammy. Mr. S. begged him, but 
Joe said no. Ella Fitzgerald was OK, so 
were Mahalia Jackson, Harry Belafonte, 
Nat King Cole. To Joe, they were "nig- 
ger niggers." They knew their place. 
They kept in their place. But "the nigger 
bastard with the German whore,” as the 
presidential patriarch referred to Amer- 
ica's most controversial "fun couple," 
that was beyond the beyond. Мог at his 
son's debutant ball for the world to see. 

At the pinnacle of his new power, the 
master of ceremonies of the coming of 
the New Frontier, Mr. S., in all his glory, 
could only see an ugly past filled with 
bigotry, prejudice and elitism that, mi- 
nus a few breaks, could have mired him 
forever in the slums of Hoboken. He 
looked like the king of the world, but ай 
ће could taste were ashes. It was а fore- 
taste of worse, far worse, to come. 


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MIKE PIAZZA continued fom pe 62) 


I knelt down and kissed the Pope's ring and the Pope 
said, “God bless Michael Piazza, the baseball player.” 


and about 15 head of buffalo. 
PLAYBOY: How do you raise buffalo? 

PIAZZA: Stay out of their way and let 
them graze 
PLAYBOY: Vince Piazza is а self-made mil- 
lionaire, but his father—your grandfa- 
ther—was a welder, an immigrant from 
Sicily. Ten ycars ago, baseball held your 
dad's heritage against him when he was 
t of a group that tried to buy the 
тиз. The owners rejected him. They 
said he had a “background” problem, 
which was code for a Mafia problem. 
PIAZZA: That's the stereotype, i 


paying your father a multi 
settlement. 

PIAZZA: It was bizarre, but my dad was 
vindicated. 

PLAYBOY: In 1988, as a favor to your fa- 
ther's buddy Lasorda, the Dodgers draft- 
ed you in the 62nd round. You were the 
1390th pick. How could several hun- 
dred scouts think you sucked? 

PIAZZA: 1 was slow. 1 played some bad 
high school games when the scouts came 


around. Га hurt my hand, and maybe I 
was pressing. When the Dodgers draft- 
ed me, it was a courtesy pick, a favor to 
"Tommy. Even then I had to change posi- 
tions. They figured I'd never make it as 
a first baseman, because first basemen 
are good hitters. So Tommy said, "Would 
you draft him if he was a catcher?" They 
said yes. He said, "OK, he's a catcher." 1 
worked my butt off learning to catch. For 
months I was like a Labrador retriever, 
running back to the backstop after every 
pitch. I went to the Dodgers’ training 
complex in the Dominican Republic, 
where I could catch every day. This place 
was 45 minutes from Santo Domingo, 
out in the jungle. 

PLAYBOY: And not the Jim Rome jungle. 
PIAZZA: It was the jungle. There were 
tarantulas in the complex. They nev- 
er bit me, but you don't want to wake 
up with one. I was 19, the only player 
who spoke English. We drank sugarcane 
juice, which is brown and tastes like ex- 
tra-sweet iced tea. Breakfast was poached 
eggs, bread and a little ham. To the Do- 


її was a feast. 

PLAYBOY: Some of them start out with 
cardboard gloves. 

PIAZZA: 1 caught one kid who was 14 or 
15, really small, but he could bring it. I 
“How the hell can this little guy 
throw so hard?” It was Pedro Martinez. 
But I didn't last long down there. I got 
sick from the food and lost 25 pounds. 
PLAYBOY: You had to fight for playing 
time in the minors. Some of your team- 
mates and managers thought you were 
orda’s pet. 

IAZZA: I was frustrated and hurt and I 
quit. Left the team. But after a couple of 
days I went back, and one day we had an 
intrasquad game in the same complex 
with minor league teams from the Mets 
and Orioles. 1 got hit with a pitch and 
complained, so this other catcher, a guy 1 
didn't get along with, says, “Stop being 
fussy and hit.” I said, “Fuck you.” Un- 
fortunately, another guy—a big guy— 
thought I said “fuck you" to him. He 
charges me. I tackle him. We're rum- 
bling around and we're all fighting. The 
other teams look at us and say, “What 
the hell is wrong with the Dodgers?” 
PLAYBOY: Is Lasorda the most profane 
man in the world? 

PIAZZA: Never with women around. And 
Tommy can be so funny. One year we 
were struggling and he gave иза speech. 
“If you don't like me because 1 want you 
to win for this organization and for your- 
selves,” he says, "and if you don't like me 
because I want you to concentrate on the 
field and do your best, and if you don’t 
like me because I tell you to stop run- 
ning around all night, then fuck you! I 
don't like you either!” We all busted out 
laughing at that. 

PLAYBOY: Can you cuss at an umpire 
without getting tossed? 

PIAZZA: Yes, if you don't turn around 
and face him. You can't show your dis- 
pleasure to the fans. And you can't make 
it personal, either. You can look out at 
the mound and tell the umpire, “That 
was a shitty call,” but you can’t say, 
"You're shitty.” 

PLAYBOY: Does it bother you that New 
York is the Yankees’ town and the Mets 


just play there? 


PIAZZA: Maybe a little bit. You might roll 
your eyes a little because we all know 
they're great and they know they're 
great, but what can you do? 1 remember 
when a friend of mine sold Russell 
Crowe а car—thar's how I met Russell. 
My friend says, “You've got to meet my 
man Mike Piazza.” So what does Russell 
say—this guy from Australia? He says, 
“I'm more of a Yankees | 
PLAYBOY: When you signed with the 
Dodgers as a courtesy pick, what was 
your signing bonus? 

PIAZZA: I got $15,000, which is pretty 
good for a guy they didn't really want 
PLAYBOY: How did you spend it? 


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PIAZZA: Гус still got my bonus. I save my 
money, man. 

PLAYBOY: Now that you're worth $14 mil- 
lion a year, what are you driving? 
piazza: BMW 745. 

PLAYBOY: Do you drive fast? 

PIAZZA: No, and a lot of witnesses will at- 
test to that. My friends all say I drive like 
a senior citizen. 

PLAYBOY: I hey want you to speed up? 
PIAZZA: But I won't. I'm a cautious driv- 
er. I haven't won a World Series yet. 
PLAYBOY: You got a star perk when you 
played drums onstage with Motórhead 
and Anthrax. 

PIAZZA: I don't remember much about 
those nights. 

PLAYBOY: Do Anthrax groupies actually 
have anthrax? 

PIAZZA: 1 wasn't with them enough to 
qualify for groupie treatment. But there 
were a couple of baseball groupies who 
flashed me one night. I was driving out 
of the players’ parking lot at Dodger Sta- 
dium, surrounded by fans, and two girls 
pulled up their shirts. I'm thinking I 
should stop and get their phone num- 
bers, but if I stop a thousand kids will 
converge on the car. 

PLAYBOY: Note to Piazza flashers: Write 
your number on your chest. 

PIAZZA: Or they could pass it to me like 
a baton. 

PLAYBOY: Are you still a metalhead? 
PIAZZA: I love Guns n' Roses. And Slay- 
€r—I've seen them 10 times. You know 
Zakk Wylde, the guitarist? I'm his kid's 
godfather. Zakk plays for Ozzy Osbourne 
and I sang on his last album. 

PLAYBOY: You sang? 

PIAZZA: One word. 1 sang "Yeah." 
PLAYBOY: From the metallic to the sub- 
lime: Last winter you had an audience 
with the Pope. 

PIAZZA: [hat was humbling. He's very 
frail. I mean, he's 80. But he has an 
aura. 1 took him one of my Mets jerseys 
but didn't know if I should give it to him. 
15 that proper? But there was a gentle- 
man next to me who said, "That's your 
hammer. Be proud of your craft. Give it 
to him.” So I was proud and euphoric 
and 1 gave the Pope my jersey. He put 
his hands on my head. 

PLAYBOY: What did he say? 

PIAZZA: I know only a few words of Ital- 
ian, but there was an American cardinal 
there to introduce me. The cardinal 
said, "This is Mike Piazza. He is a base- 
ball player in the United States.” I knele 
down and kissed the Pope's ring and the 
Pope said, "God bless Michael Piazza, 
the baseball player." 

PLAYBOY: That must be a memorable mo- 
ment for a good Catholic boy. 

PIAZZA: You bet. I sure like that last part. 
“Michael Piazza, the baseball player.” 


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152 


“You want to be a cowboy, don'tcha? Everybody starts ош on the pooper-scooper!” 


Jamie Ireland is a 
freelance writer in 
the areas of sex, 
fitness, romance, 
and travel. 


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The inside story on 


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Learning “The Ropes”... 


his month I gor a letter from a 
reader in Texas, about a "little 
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husband absolutely explosive. (Those 
"Texans know their stuff, let me tell you.) 


Tina writes: 


Dear Jamie, 


Last month, my husband returned from 
a business trip in Europe and he was 
hotter than ever before. The power and 
sexual energy that he suddenly had was 
even more than when we first started 
making love almost 10 years ago! It was 
incredible. He flat wore me out! And 
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Werd tried tantric stuff in the past and 
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I asked my husband what had created 
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and he told me he'd finally learned 

“the ropes.” 


On the last night of his business trip, my 
husband spent an evening dining out 

with a Swedish nutritionist and his wife of 
nearly 20 years. The couple was obviously 
still quite enamored with each other, 
so my husband asked their secret. The 
nutritionist told him th 
more passionate than ever. Then he pulled 


ir sex life was 


by Jamie Ireland 


a small bottle from his satchel and gave it 
to my hushand. The bottle contained a 
natural supplement thar the nutritionist 
told my husband would teach him “the 
ropes” of good sex. 


My husband takes this supplement every 
day. The supply from the nutritionist is 
about to run out, and we desperately 
want to know how we can find more. 
Do you know anything about “the 
ropes” and can you tell us how we can 
find it in the States? 


Sincerely, 
Tina С. 
Et. Worth, Texas 


TE ina, you and the rest of our readers 
are in Juck, because it just so happens 
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supplement your husbands Swedish 
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The physical contractions and fluid 
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‘The term used by the Swedish nutritionist 
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experienced. The enhanced contractions 
and heightened orgasmic release 
often referred to as ropes because of the 
rope-like effect of release during climax. 
In other words, as some people have 
said, “it just keeps coming and coming.” 


As for finding it in the states, I 
of just one importe: 
Inc. If you are interested, you can 
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Jana) шы.) 


Jamie Ireland 


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(continued from page 78) 
have had time to reflect on the things he 
was doing to get by. If most of his friends 
thought the signs were good for the fu- 
ture, Spector himself knew he was also 
facing serious setbacks 

Spector stayed out of the studio for 
most of the Eighties and acquired a last- 
ing reputation as a gun-toting recluse. 
But he began making public appear- 
ances late in the decade, became actively 
involved in the Rock and Roll Hall of 
Fame—championing everyone from TV 
host Dick Clark to Chantels singer Ar- 
lene Smith—and started attending Los 
Angeles Lakers games and going to clubs. 

His latest studio project, however, had 
not gone as planned. His 20-year-old 
daughter, Nicole, with whom he had a 
close relationship, had taken him to see 
the British band Starsailor at a concert in 
LA. He loved the band and produced two 
songs for them. Then, in late 2002, he 
had gone to London's Abbey Road stu- 
dios to record what he hoped would be 
an album. But after four songs the ses- 
sions ended. and Spector returned home. 

In January, Spector gave his lirst ex- 
tensive interview in decades го the 
Briúsh paper The Daily Telegraph. Admit- 
ting that he has a bipolar personality and 
takes medication for schizophrenia, 
Spector stated: “I would say I'm proba- 
bly relatively insane, to an extent.” 


Sometime between midnight and one 
AM., Spector's driver pulled up to the 
yellow cottage that houses Dan Тапа? 
restaurant. The old-fashioned Italian 
joint hasn't been trendy in decades, but 
іга favored hideaway for stars more in- 
terested in anonymity than celebrity. IUs 
dark and clubby with tuxedoed waiters, 
chianti bottles hanging from beamed 
ceilings, red leather booths and red-and- 
white checked tablecloths. The cluttered 
walls sport the occasional movie poster, 
but much more common are unremark- 
able art prints and soccer posters, evi- 
dence ofowner Dan Tana's former life as 
a soccer player in Yugoslavia. 

Dan Tana's was a quiet celebrity hang- 
out even before Тапа agreed to lend his 
name to the character played by Robert 
Urich in the Seventies television series 
Vegas. Clint Eastwood used to be а regu- 
lar. Bob Dylan ate there often; so did 
Bruce Springsteen when he lived in Los 
Angeles in the early Nineties. Drew Bar- 
rymore, Jim Carrey and Jay Leno are 
frequent visitors. In 1999, Jerry Seinfeld 
held his 45th birthday party at the res- 
taurant and was visited during the bash 
by Milton Berle and George Clooney. 

Spector, who has been a regular at Dan 
Tana's for years, walked into the dimly lit 
interior accompanied by a conservatively 
dressed strawberry-blonde woman car- 
rying a portfolio. Reports later identified 


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the woman as Spector's “caterer” and 
said she was working at the Grill on the 
Alley, a popular entertainment-industry 
НЫН сен eu th Beverly 
Hills. Suzannah Mays, a woman who of- 
ten bragged to friends about being Spec- 
tor's girlfriend and on whose behalf 
Spector had intervened in a rent dispute, 
works at the Grill. (Mays did not respond 
to repeated calls and e-mails.) 

Spector and his companion sat at the 
producer's usual table, number four, at 
the back of the restaurant, far from the 
front door and close to the kitchen. Over 
the booth hangs a framed poster from 
an obscure Karl Malden movie from 
1983, Twilight Time. "Its truth will set you 
free,” reads the poster's tag line, “and its 
dream will keep you going.” 

“It looked like a date,” says Martin 
DeLuca, a Los Angeles talent manager 
who says he was seated near Spector that 
night. But DeLuca also thought the pro- 
ducer looked as if he had been drinking. 
“He was kind of sweaty, and he kept get- 
ting up and going to the bathroom,” he 
says. “He looked like he was under the 
influence of something.” 

Spector picked at a small salad but 
showed little interest in it. He downed 
one rum cocktail, then ordered another. 
To the staff at Dan Tana's, this was unusu- 
al: They knew Spector hadn't been drink- 
ing lately, so the bartender delivered the 
second drink himself, walking to the table 
and asking Spector ifeverything was OK. 
Spector assured him it was. 

Others close to Spector would have 
viewed the drinking as a warning sign as 
well. “I don't know if his drinking was a 
problem,” says David Kessel carefully. 
“But it certainly aggravates his agita- 
tion.” Kessel's brother Dan, who has also 
known Spector for years, adds: “He 
seemed a little more relaxed after he 
stopped drinking.” 

Jim Bessman, a New York-based writ- 
er who has been friends with Spector for 
more than a dozen years, remembers al- 
cohol-related problems at one party. 
“There was one night when Phil got in 
trouble because he was drinking,” says 
Bessman. “People were goading him 
into the behavior that was legendary.” 

Nobody tried to goad Spector into 
anything at Dan Тапаз, but DeLuca ap- 
proached the producer. “I tried to give 
him my business card and have a con- 
versation with him,” he says, “but he 
didn't say a word. He just stared at те.” 

Spector's friends say they've seen him 
in this kind of situation before. “Being 
Phil Spector takes a lot of energy. be- 
cause there are a lot of people who want 
something from him,” says David Kessel. 
“1 don't know how many times I've been 
with him in a restaurant when a stream 
of people come up to him and say, че 
written this song,’ ‘I've got a demo in the 
an you listen to this? 
He's a funny guy, and very clever, but 
he's also shy and uncomfortable in social 


situations,” says Bessman. “It was very 
hard for Phil to become a social person. 

Spector spoke briefly to 
the bartender and the headwaiter, shot 
ty looks at DeLuca and spent most of 
his time deep in conversation with his 
guest. Spector paid the $55 bill, left be 
hind а 8500 tip and walked past the wor- 
ried staff. It was past 1:30 AM. 


Tall blondes are rarely in short supply 
in the House of Blues’ Foundation Room, 
but Clarkson was one of the tallest, 
blondest and most striking. She stood 
under a sign that read CAPACITY 256, but 
as Rob Halford played his loud, slick, 
hard rock music downstairs, the room 
was nowhere near full. Only a few peo- 
ple leaned against the long, carved wood 
bar, setting their drinks on the pounded- 
copper top. A few more sat on the two 
velvet sofas opposite the bar, flanking a 
large gas fireplace framed by an intri 
cately carved dark wood mantle. А hand 
ful of guests eyed the room’s three video 
screens, which showed Halford, former 
lead singer of Judas Priest, going through 
his paces on the stage two floors below 

Clarkson couldn't have been expect- 
ing a big crowd this early in the evening. 
In the short time she'd been on the job, 
she'd learned that the Foundation Room 
didn't get busy until close to midnight, 
when the musicians downstairs finished 
and the action began to migrate upward. 

Since it opened on the Sunset Strip in 
1994 (third in the chain of clubs co-owned 
by a consortium that indudes Dan Ayk- 
royd), the House of Blues had become 
the preeminent nightclub for touring 
musicians in LA. The music hall had a 
capacity of almost 800, with room for 
more in the restaurant upstairs. The club 
was packed for shows that featured every- 
one from Lucinda Williams to Tom Jones 

The building sits across a side street 
from the Mondrian Hotel and Skybar 
and directly across Sunset Boulevard 
from the Hyatt West Hollywood. The 
club is designed to look like an old shack 
on the Mississippi Delta—in fact 3 
terior is said to be adorned with tin im 
ported from the Delta. But sitting as it 
does on this particularly flashy and 
crowded section of the Strip, the effect is 
less of a genuine juke joint and more of a 
Disneyland simulation 

The stage is on the bottom level of the 
club, which is situated on a hillside that 
drops away from Sunset. The restaurant 
takes up the middle level, while the dress- 
ing rooms and the Foundation Room sit 
on the top level. The Foundation Room, 
where Clarkson spent most of her time, 
is at the end of a long hallway covered 
in tropical-print fabric and hung with 
paintings of legendary blues musicians. 
Designed to be used by guests who pay 
membership fees that are reported- 
ly about $2500, the room is also open 
to performers and their guests—and 


sometimes to the general public, ог at 
least the members of the public who 
dress well enough and look presentable. 

One of Clarkson's jobs was to decide 
who fit that criterion. As Halford per- 
formed, she stood by the entrance to the 
main room, manning а small desk with a 
computer keyboard and video screen. 
She greeted members and took care of 
those who'd reserved the private rooms, 
but she was also supposed to eye every- 
опе coming into the room to make sure 
they had the right wristbands. 

Halford finished his set sometime after 
midnight, and things began to pick up. 
Guests filtered into the main lounge, 
where Persian-style rugs covered the floor 
and walls. At the far corner of the room, a 
deejay spun records and an anemic light 
show flashed red, blue and white spots on 
the ceiling. Small sets of stairs led to the 
Buddha Room and the Ganesh Room, 
two smaller, Indian-themed areas de- 
signed for smaller parties that could shut 
the curtains for privacy. 

On Sunday nights the Foundation 
Room was more accessible to the public 
because а couple of outside promoters 
took over for what they dubbed “Club 
BS.” House of Blues employces had their 
own name for it: “Suck Night"—or, to be 
more accurate, “Suk Night.” because the 
name of one of the promoters is Suk. 

As Clarkson handled the influx of pa- 
trons arriving for Suk Night, she didn’t 
expect to see many celebrities. Com- 
pared to Skybar only a block to the west, 
the place was purely hit or miss. But 
Christina Aguilera had brought in a par 
ty a few weeks earlier, taking over the 
Ganesh Room. And Phil Spector himself 
had been in a short time after that, es- 
corting Nancy Sinatra. 

“He came in frequently,” says one 
House of Blues employee. “He would 
ask for a private room for his group. He 
was sort of a valued guest.” 


Close to two in the morning, Spector's 
black Mercedes pulled into the House of 
Blues driveway, stopping in front of a 
small desk, above which sat a blue neon 
sign that read FOUNDATION ROOM. Spector 
passed the desk and headed up a few 
short flights of stairs on the outside of 
the building. At the top, he turned right 
into the main hallway; another right 
turn would have taken him into Hal- 
ford's dressing room. Instead he made a 
quick left into the Foundation Room, to 
the desk where Clarkson was stationed. 

With the House of Blues closing at two 
o'clock, Spector didn't have much time 
to hang out. "He went into one of the 
s another employee, 
nd 1 know he ordered at least one rum 
drink. Somebody else said Lana was in 
there with him and they had a boule of 
champagne, but 1 didn't see it.” 

Several employees did, however, see 
Clarkson and Spector talking for some 


time in the parking lot after the dub had 
closed. Between 2:15 and 3:00 am., they 
gotinto the Mercedes and left. 

“From the get-go,” says one employee, 
“some people around here said she 
should have been smarter than that. But 
she was an actress looking for work, and 
she wasn't the type of person to turn 
something down. A lot of the people who 
work here are actors, and some mem- 
bers have a lot of money, or they pro- 
duce. It pays to be friendly with those 
people, because you never know. 


There were guns in the Alhambra 
house. Not everyone saw them—Bob 
Merlis was a friend for more than two 
decades, and he said he never saw the 
producer armed—but some claimed 
there were times when Spector carried a 
different gun every day. In the studio in 
the Seventies, his bodyguard George was 
always armed; Spector would often show 
up sporting a .38 as well. Both Leonard 
Cohen and the Ramones, whom Spector 
produced in 1977 and 1979, respective- 
ly, tell of firearms in the studio. On occa- 
sion, Dan and David Kessel would pack 
8s in shoulder holsters when they went 
into the studio to record. 

“When he would have visitors in the 
studio,” says Dan Kessel, “he would doa 
run-through to balance the sound, and 
he'd call to the musicians section by sec- 
tion. ‘OK, horn section! The horns 
would play. ‘OK, string section! OK, gun 
section" People would react, but it was 
just in fun. He didn't mean ‘pull out 
your guns,’ he meant ‘play guitar?” 

“It was just а gag,” insists David Kes- 
sel. “You could say, What kind of a gag is 
that?" But Phil had so many gags in the 
studio. Still, the guns alarmed people 
more than the other gags. 

What happened after Spector and 
Clarkson left the House of Blues is murky. 
At least two hours remain unaccounted 
for prior to her death. All that is known 
conclusively is that Spector's driver 
heard gunfire coming from the house 
around five AM. and called the police. 
Response was almost immediate. Clark- 
son was lying on the imported Italian 
marble of the foyer, dead from a shot to 
the head. Spector, wearing what looked 
like pajamas, was standing nearby. 

Spector resisted arrest and was sub- 
dued with a Taser-like device. He was 
booked on suspicion of first-degree mur- 
der. But alter calling attorney Robert 
Shapiro, he posted $1 million bail and 
was released later in the day. (In Califor- 
automatically granted in mur- 
der cases that do not involve special 


According to his friends, Spector did 
not say a word to police about the cir- 
cumstances of Clarkson's death. "Bob 
Shapiro is the only person he's spoken to 
about any of says one friend. “He 
hasn't even said a word to his kids about 


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Below is а list of retailers and 
manufacturers you can contact 
for information on where to 
find this month's merchandise. 
To buy the apparel and equip- 
‘ment shown on pages 32, 43- 
44, 86-89, 114-119, 120-121 
and 163, check the listings below 
to find the stores nearest you. 


GAMES 

Page 32: Activision, 310- 
255-2050, activision.com. 
Black Label Games, blackla 
belgames.com. Infogrames, enterthematrix 
game.com. LucasArts, lucasarts.com. Mi- 
crosoft Game Studios, xbox.com. Wired: Dig- 
ital Innovations, 888-5MART58 ог neuros 
audio.com. 


MANTRACK 
Pages 43-44: Creed, 877-273-3369. Harper 
Collins Publishers, harpercollins.com. Hugo 
Boss, at select department stores. Kenneth 
Cole, kennethcole.com. Lacoste, at select 
department stores. Maitre Parfumeur el 
Gantier, 800-HBENDEL. Mundial, 800-487- 
2224 or mundialusa.com. Subaru, im 
prezasubaru.com. Van Cleef and Arpels and 
Yues Saint Laurent, at select department 
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Pages 86-89: Casio, casio.com. Dish Net- 
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JVC, 800-252-5722 ог jvc.com. Kyocera 
Wireless, 800-349-4188 or kyocera-wire 
less.com. Panasonic, 800-211-7262 or pana 
sonic.com. Philips Electronics, 800-531- 
0039. Pioneer Electronics, 800-746-6337 or 
pioneerelectronics.com. Samsung Electron- 
ics, 800-726-7864 or samsung electron 
ics.com. Sharp Electronics, 800-237-4277 or 
sharpusa.com. Sonicblue, 800-468-5846 or 
sonicblue.com. Sony, 888-315-SONY. Toshi- 
ba, 800-631-3811. Vialla, vialta.com. 


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Pages 114-119; Abercrombie 
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Ambiguous, ambiguouscloth 
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Black Label, blacklabelskares. 
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Pages 120-121: Bevel, bevelspecs.com. 
Calvin Klein, 212-292-9000. Donna Karan, 
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ON THESCENE 
Page 163: Corky's, 800-926-7597 or corkys 
bbg.com. Hemingway, ernesthemingway 
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what happened.” 

Spector had made his way back into 
the headlines, but not the way he want- 
ed. “I'd be willing to bet you that Phil 
posted his bail and got to а TV that night 
to see his own media coverage,” says a 
person who has spent a lot of time with 
Spector. “And he had to wait 20 minutes 
into Entertainment Tonight to see himself 
pop up briefly as ties Beatles produc- 
er Phil Spector.’ I'm sure he was watch- 
ing, and I'm sure that destroyed him.” 

Arraignment was originally scheduled 
for March 3 but has been postponed in- 
definitely. Early that month, the Los An- 
geles County Sheriff's homicide investi- 
gator in charge of the case said he was 
awaiting results from the crime lab and 
was planning to conduct additional inter- 
views. "It's our job to conduct a very 
thorough, nonbiased and comprehen- 
sive investigation before we present our 
findings to the district attorney,” said 
Lieutenant Daniel Rosenberg. "It's only 
speculation, but I don't think we'll be 
ready for another three or four months." 

On February 23, some 250 friends and 
family members attended a memorial 
service for Clarkson at the Henry Fonda 
Music Box Theater in Hollywood. Spec- 
tor, meanwhile, remained out of sight, 
though among his friends different sce- 
narios began to circulate. Many agreed 
with the assessment of one of Spector's 
longtime friends, attorney Marvin Mitch- 
elson: “I believe his defense will be that. 
this was a tragic accident." Others began 
to advance what became known as "the 
intruder theory," that an unidentified 
person was present in the house and had 
fired the fatal shot. Another theory sur- 
faced that Clarkson had left Spector's 
house and was planning to have the 
driver take her home when she realized 
she'd left something behind. When she 
returned to ıhe door, the theory went, 
Spector thought she wasan intruder and 
shot her in Ше dark. On March 10, radio 
station KFI-AM in Los Angeles suggest- 
ed that leaked evidence has shown that 
Clarkson had shot herself accidentally; 
the sheriff's department declined to com- 
ment other than to say it had ruled out 
suicide, but within hours of the initial re- 
port, Spector had sent out a flurry of 
e-mails suggesting he'd been vindicated. 

“We hate to use the words Т told you 
so, but I did tell you so,” his e-mail re- 
portedly read. He went on to claim to a 
reporter that he never should have been 
arrested that night. 

The homicide investigators, though, 
continued sifting evidence and, accord- 
ing to Captain Frank Merriman, "inves- 
ügating this thing as a criminal act.” 

‘Along the canals of Venice, the bou- 
quets that had been laid at Clarkson's 
front door had long since withered and 
died. In the hills of Alhambra, the gates 


10 Spector's castle remained closed 


Cristy Thom has ап eye for 
beautiful women—her st 
Fifties-style oil paintings was 
prominently showcased in New 
American Paintings magazine 

“My work is a combination 
of contemporary г 
ism, pop and satire,” 
she says. Cristy, who 
lives in Los Angeles, 
was inspired by the 
balance of repres- 
sion and freedom in 
the lives of modern 
women. “I wanted 
to create a series on 


women who were obviously in- 
spired by the Fifties in terms 
of their look, but who carry the 
empowerment of the current 
times.” Want to hang one of her 
sexy masterpieces over your so- 
fa? Her paintings are for saleand 
typically cost between $7000 and 


ries Of : 


10 YEARS AGO THIS MONTH 


Born in Tampa, Florida, Miss 
June 1993 Alesha Marie Ore- 
skovich aspired to “become 
a college professor and do 
what makes me happy.” Af- 
ter posing for a 
splashy pictorial, 
she got permis- 
sion to finish her 
Latin and British 
literature cours- 
es by correspon- 
dence. Lest you 
think she was all 
work and no play, 
Alesha showed 
up in several mu- 
sic videos, includ- 
ing Marty Stu- 
arts Magic Town. 
Alesha Marie Oreskovich. 


Remember smooching your sixth-grade crush 
during Spin the Bottle? Thanks to Miller Lite 
spokesmodel Charis Boyle, the game has gotten a 
face-lift: At bars around the 


country, lucky guys spin a 
beer boule to win a lip-lock 
with Charis. (The promo- 
tion has something to do 
with Miller's new look, but 
that's less important than 
the kissing, no?) Even 
Aaron Buerge (a.k.a. the 
Bachelor) took a spin in 
Chicago. What else keeps 
Charis spinning? For five 


Rebecca Ramos: 

“People have no idea how 
much work goes into shooting. 
1 felt like | was a pink flamingo 
perched on one heel. I remem- 
ber thinking, Just hold still!” 


Anna Nicole Smith: 
"| used to love Texas. When | 
went back for my trial, every- 


$18,000. For more information : has helped run some of Washington, D.C.'s hottest 
ог to check out more of Cristy's : nightclubs. DC One magazine even put her on its 
creations, click on her website, 2 cover (above) and called her entertainment group 
cristythomart.com. + "the biggest influence on D.C.'s music scene.” 


one turned against me and 
called me a bitch. | don't like 
Texas anymore.” 


CENTERFOLD 


Wherever they go, our sultry Centerfolds cause whiplosh. Left to right: Surreal Life stor апа Playmote 
of the Yeor 2001 Bronde Roderick ot the WB Network All-Stor Celebration in Los Angeles; 40th on- 
niversary Playmate Аппо-Мопе Goddord honging out in Holland; Carrie Stevens on the red corpet ot 
the CineSpace Digital Supper Club ond Lounge opening porty; Shouno Sond root, root, rooting for 


the home team o! o movie premier: 


; Liso Dergon with longtime beou Michoel Boy ot the opening of 
Bliss restaurant; Christi Shake working it at o party ot Ivar in Los Angeles 


POP QUESTION: SHAE MARKS 


Q: Shac, have you donc any fun 
work lately? 

A: I have been doing 
voice work for a car- 
toon called Captain 
RibMan. 1 also pro- 
duce photo shoots. 
It's so much fun to 
work with models in 
that capacity. 

О: What are your 
guilty TV pleasures? ў 

A: Alias, 24,С5: WE 
and The Bachelorette. = = 

Q: Does size matter? 

A: Not at all. It's the motion of the 
ocean, baby. 

О: What's in your CD player? 

A: Mercedes, a singer who just got 
signed. She is going to be a huge 
star—she rocks. 


MY FAVORITE PLAYMATE 
By Stach 


PLAYMATE BIRTHDAYS 
June 6: Miss July 2002 
Lauren Anderson 

June 13: Miss April 2000 
Brande Roderick 

June 16: Miss May 1999 
Tishara Cousino 

June 25: Miss March 1960 


There's one Center 
fold from back in the 
day, Miss September 
1977 Debra Jo Fon- 
dren, who 
had the 

most incredible long, 


Sally Sarell 
June 30: Miss May 1990 pate hair. It 
‘Tina Bockrath was almost 


all the way 
Н down to her 
ЖЗ In Boot Trip, now on DVD, i ankles, She 

| Victoria Silvstedt ploys £ had a silver 
| Ingo, who odds much- brush and 1 


D E [ remember 
| tothehighseos. | РУАН 
/ Typecost? Yech— | ТІПТЕН 

7 but she still hoists : Ш 


Ar та? our mainsail 


Jessico Lee hos clways been o rock chick—her first PLAYBOY gig was in the August 1995 
Girls of Radio issue. Now she's married to Popa Roach 5 Jerry Horton, “I gained 
о big rock family,“ she soys. Not that she need worry, but is she threatened 
by groupies? "Not at all,” she says 
gê “егу is loyal. | trust him. Actual- 
[® ly groupies interest me. | like to 
watch them work.” 


PLAYMATE GOSSIP 


In a riveting cover story on 
shemag.com, Stephanie Adams 
becomes the first Centerfold to 
step out of the closet as a lesbian. 

"I'm definitely not what 
м, people would consider 
ы the norm, including my 
sexuality,” she explains. 
“Туе always been more 
attracted to women— 
physically, emotionally 
and spiritually.” . . . Daphnee 
Lynn Duplaix provided “cock- 
tails, hors d’ocuvres and positive 
energy” at a baby shower in hon- 
or of her twin boys, Jaylen and 
Sebastian. Congrats to Daph and 
daddy Ron Samuel. . . . Jessica 
Lee is opening a women's cloth- 
ing store in Sacramento. “Fash- 
ion has always 
interested me, 
and Sacramen- 
to could really 
use some style,” 
she says. Jaime 
Bergman (right) 
bussed husband 
David Boreanaz 
at the Golden 
Globes. . . . The 
latest Playmate- 
St. Pauli Girl? 
Lisa Dergan (be- 
low), who follows 
former barmaids 
Jaime, Angela Little, Neriah 
Davis and Heather Kozar. . . . 
Kelly (Gallagher) Wearstler, an 
interior designer for the Trina 
Turk boutique, was recently pro- 
filed in Vogue. “My favorite ac- 
cessory is my baby boy, Oliver,” 
she says. . . . The Anna Nicole Show 
has been picked up in Norway, 
Sweden, Denmark and Finland, 
which begs the question, How 
do you say “Fuck you, Bobby 
Trendy" in Norwegian? 


Jaime and Dovid. 


New St.Pouli girl Lisa Dergan. 


| GERMANY'S 
4 FUN-LOVING 
BEER 
а 


"A LITTLE BLING BLING FOR YOUR TING TING!" 


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TE 
Tem "m. 
Base ihe کا‎ B 


INQUIRE AT A STORE NEAR YOU 


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eive a sample* AVO Classic 
п an AVO humidor. Or call toll 
or drawing ONLY available online). 


available to consumers 24 years of age or older: One sample per household only. Oper expives December 1154, 2003 or while supplies lost. 
Offer nat valid іп МА. MN, WA, WI or where prohibited by lur. Offer available in the US only; 


іһе scene 


WHAT'S HAPPENING, WHERE IT'S HAPPENING AND WHO'S MAKING ІТ НАРРЕМ 


GRILL JUNKIES 


laving over a pyramid of barely glowing coals is an ancient ter worth his filet mignon: sword-size tongs, forks and spatulas, 
manly art, but wouldn't you rather be knocking back a mar- along with marinades and sauces from famous rib joints. You сап 
garita with the rest of the barbecue crew on the deck? The even catch an inning or two of the game on television while bur- 
newest gas grills fire up restaurant-level BTUs in seconds gers, chops and ribs—sizzling to perfection—are monitored by 
and offer more counter space than some studio apartments. And а digital gizmo that transmits cooking time and temperature to a 
don't forget all the accessories absolutely essential to any grill mas- receiver in your pocket. HARRY OLMSTED 


Below: A battery-powered grill handle light by Weber makes back- 
yard midnight snacks a reality (525). Bottom: Viking’s 53-inch stain- 
less steel grill, which operates on natural gas or propane, features 
electronic ignition, a hooded rotisserie, side burners and more. 

You may never cook indoors again ($5100, from Collins Fireplace). 


Right: Smith & Wol- 
lensky's five-piece 
grilling set in a can- 
vas apron that dou- 
bles as а carryall 
keeps tools handy 
{about $45). The 
electronic doo- 
hickey is Maver- 
ick's ET-7 Remote 
Check, a wireless 
thermometer that 
can keep tabs on 
two meats inside 
your grill and send 
the data to a receiv- 
er up to 100 feet 
away (about $80). 


RICHARD АИ 


Above: You can buy these famed 
finger lickers on the Internet or 
from gourmet specialty stores na- 
tionwide. Slather on Montgomery 

Inn's Barbecue Sauce ($9.95 a 
two-pack), Corky's Bar-B-Q Sauce 

($25 for six bottles) or Hemingway 

Collection's Kenya Marinade for 

Seafood and Chicken ($4.75 a bot- 

Че). Next to the sauces is a chunky 

Smith & Wollensky steak knife 

(540 Гог a set of four). 
WHERE AND HOW TO RUY ON Mt 


Kate the Great 


After taking some time off to 
hang with her husband, Chris 
Robinson (the front man for the 
Black Crowes), Kate Hudson got 
busy with the movies How to 
Lose a Guy in 10 Days, Le Di- 
vorce, Loosely Based on a True 
Love Story and Raising Helen, 
making her more than almost 
famous. But it's this see-through 
164 number that gets our heads up. 


If You've Got It, Flaunt It 


LISA RINNA is a sheer delight. She went irom а successful 
daytime and prime-time soap opera career to co-hosting 
Soap Talk. Of course, we know her best for gracing the 
cover of PLAYBOY in 1998. 


Wy 
| p 
\ } 

Zwan Makes Pumpkin Pie 

BILLY CORGAN's new alt supergroup, Zwan, kicked off its U.S. 
and European tours with the critically acclaimed CD Mary Star 
of the Sea. Performing here with bassist PAZ LENCHANTIN, 
the Bald One is clearly back. 


Нарру, Нарру, Јоу, Јоу 
Your first sight of JOY BRYANT (in The Antwone Fisher 
Story) will not be your last. Look for her with Jessica 
Alba in Honey, which co-stars Lil’ Romeo and features 
Missy Elliott, Ginuwine and Tweet. We’re filled with joy. 


RN 


Malia's Undercover 

Hawaii's own MALIA SONG has worked on Baywatch, 
modeled for a Corona beer poster, strutted the catwalk for 
designers in the Aloha State, won bikini contests and 
made us wish for a mai tai and a lei. 


Is Fiction 
Greater 
Than Truth? 


FICTION PLANE'S 
Everything Will Nev- 
er Be OK might re- 
mind you of early 
Police. Voc 
Sumner (with his 
hands up) is Stin 
kid, but this band 
doesn't need any e 
tra star power. Hear 
them sing, "I don't 
care if sex is casual 
Fantasies or feelings 
actual,” and you'll 
know what all the 
buzz is about. 


WAX ОМ, WAX OFF 


If your girlfriend has 
her hedge trimmed at 
a salon, tell her to 
think outside the box. 
The Just Kittyng per- 
sonal grooming kit 
contains waxing strips 
and stencils that сп- 
able her (or, better, 
the two of you) to cre- 
atea pubic patch in 
the shape of a heart, а 
star, a four-leaf clover, 
an arrow—use your 
imagination. A pair of 
tiny scissors, a comb, 
tweezers and a con- 
tainer of soothing gel 
(let's hope she doesn't 
need it) are includ- 
ed in the kit. Who 
would have thought 
that personal preen- 
ing could be such 
fun? For more in- 
formation, go to 
justkittyng.com or 
call 866-WAXXING. 
Price: $34.95 


FUNNY BUSINESS 


Forget all the crap you learned at Har- 

d Business School. The skills you need 
big-business cul- 
ture are how to pad an expense report 
and earn a raise by kissing butt. Stand-up 
comedian Fred Pollack tells all in The 
College Senior’s Survival Guide to Corporate 
America, а Ten Speed Press softcover for 
810.95. Check bookstores. 


FEELING CHIPPY? 


Need a salty snack to go with your favorite local brew? Grab some 
hometown potato chips. Anchor O'Reilly's Chip of the Month Club 
sends you six different bags a month for three months ($75), or nibble 
your way from coast to coast for $295 а year. Maine Coast Chips go 
well with a frosty Riptide from the same Northeastern state, but good 
luck finding a local brew powerful cnough to wash down a bag of 
Dakota Style Industrial Strength Kettle Cooked Chips. Visit chip 

166 ofthemonth.com or call 800-313-2539 to place an order 


FOULMOUTHED DOLLS 


When it comes to politically incorrect 
one-liners, Trash Talker dolls are right 
up there with George Carlin and South 
Park. Bubba the Redneck (below) makes 
one of five obnoxious remarks when you 
smack his head. There are also Princess 
Babs, two gay guys, a black pimp, a 
Chinese man and an 

Anglo-Indian (equal 

Opportunity in- 
sults for only 
$13.50 to $15 
per doll). 

Send an 

e-mail to trash 
talkerdolls@ 
yahoo.com for 
info on retail 
sources. 


KITTEN WITH А WHIP 


Catwoman, the world's sexi- 
est burglar, has had her claws 
sunk into Batman since 1940, 
hanging on through count- 
less comic book confronta 
tions and three TV incarna: 
tions. Her kitschy career, 
including her whip-cracking 
techniques and kinky leather 
wardrobe, is visually celebrat- 
ed in Catwoman: The Life and 
Times of a Feline Fatale by 
Suzan Colón, with an intro- 
duction by T V's first Batman, 
Adam West. It’s an $18.95 
Chronicle book with a vinyl 
cover in purple—Catwom- 
an's favorite color. 


TIME'S ОР. . . AND DOWN 


We're not suggesting you 
dive to 320 feet just to test 
Wilson's claim that the new 
Three Series 100-percent 
forged-titanium chronograph 
watch won't fog up. The 
company also swears you can 
wear the watch in a hot tub 
or sauna, and we assume 
you're at least that adventur- 
ous. Wilson describes its new 
line as "user friendly with no 
unnecessary gimmicks” and 
invites buyers to compare the 
watches with models that cost 
$2000. The chrono price is 
$275, and it's available from 
orders@wilsontime.com. 


GLOW, SPEED RACER! 


Does this object look familiar 
to you, road warriors? It 
should—especially if you've 
been spending a lot of time 
under the hood of your car. 
West Coast architect Greg 
‘Tate, inspired by Califor 
custom-car culture, used an 
air filter for а shade and a 
chrome-plated jack stand for 
a base to create the Motor 
Head, a handsome $250 table 
lamp for grease monkeys. 
(Good news, automotive 
purists: A model with a black 
jack stand is only $170.) Go 
to Tate's website, greg 
tatedesign.com, to order. 


RUM TO THE RIM 
Now you have three more reasons to sip some- 


thing cool in the shade. Spirits infused with 
raspberry, vanilla and coconut have joined Ba- 
cardi's lineup of flavored rums. Try Bacardi 
with ginger ale. 


an ounce of triple sec. Shake with ice, strain 
into а chilled martini glass rimmed with co- 
conut shavings, garnish with a lime wheel and 
serve to your girlfriend. Anyone for skinny- 
d : about $13 a bottle. 


as b | 
“Ж Авы BACARDI 
RAZZ VANILA 

> 


THE GREAT OUTDOORS BOOK 
AAA Outdoor Clothing in Laguna Beach is the 


first entry in the Outdoors Yellow Pages (“The 
World's Best Outdoors and Sports Directory”) 
and Yentna River Lodge in Anchorage is one of 
the last. In between are more than 110,000 list- 
ings in categories that range from archery to 
vacations. You'll also find stadium seating 
charts, wildlife refuge maps and other alfresco 
services, products and associations. We got 
winded just flipping the pages. Price: $29.90. 
Go to outdoorsyp.com, or call 888-386-8600. 


ENext Month 


Lake Shore Drive, 


THIS LITTLE PIGGY 


/ 2 
LISA MARIE REVEALED. THIRSTY? WE ARE 


LISA MARIE PRESLEY—THE KING'S PRINCESS TELLS ALL 
ABOUT HER DOOMED MARRIAGE TO NICOLAS CAGE, HER 
EVEN STRANGER UNION WITH MICHAEL JACKSON, LOVING 
SCIENTOLOGY AND GROWING UP WITH A DADDY NAMED 
ELVIS. CLEARLY. LISA MARIE HAS NOT LEFT THE BUILDING. 
A ROCKING PLAYBOY INTERVIEW BY ROB TANNENBAUM. 
PLUS: FAMOUS ROCK DAUGHTERS—AN ALL-ACCESS PASS 


THE GREAT MEDIA WARS—WHAT MAKES WRITERS HEAVE 
MUDBALLS ON EACH OTHER'S REPUTATIONS? WHY DO WE 
LOVE IT WHEN THEY DO? INSIDE THE BIGGEST MEDIA FEUDS, 
FEATURING SUCH LUMINARIES AS WOLFE, UPDIKE, MAILER, 
EGGERS AND IRVING. BY SIMON DUMENCO 


SEX ON THE EDGE—TO HELL WITH ECSTASY—THE 21ST 
CENTURY DESIGNER SEX DRUG IS CALLED FOXY, AND AFTER 
SEEING ITS EFFECTS, ONE ADVENTUROUS WRITER AGREES 
TO SWALLOW. ARE PHARMACEUTICALLY CHARGED ORGASMS 
BETTER THAN THE REAL THING? DO SEX DRUGS HAVE A 
DOWNSIDE? HEATHER CALDWELL GOES ALL THE WAY 


A LETTER FROM THE FUTURE—IF YOU THINK THE WORLD IS 
GRIM NOW, LISTEN TO A GUY FROM 2053, WHEN EXISTENCE. 
MEANS SUV JET PACKS, SHOWER PILLS AND CELL PHONE LIP 
IMPLANTS. WISH YOU WERE HERE. BY DAVID CROSS 


Playboy (ISSN 00: 


icago, Illinois 60611. Periodicals 
dian Publications Mail Sales Product Agreement No. 400: 


168 Playboy, РО. Box 2007, Harlan, lowa 51537-4007. For subscription-related questions, е- 


FAST AND FURIOUS—AND NUDE 


JOINT CUSTODY—OWNING А POTBELLIED PIG IS FINE IF 
YOU'RE GEORGE CLOONEY, BUT DATING A WOMAN WHO 
SHARES A JEALOUS SWINE WITH HER EX-BOYFRIEND IS A TO- 
TAL BOAR. ESPECIALLY ON PIGGY BATH NIGHT OR WHEN 
YOU'RE TRYING TO GET IT ON. FICTION BY STEVE AMICK 


WAR RELICS—THE PEACE MOVEMENT WAS IN FULL SWING 
BEFORE THE WAR EVEN BEGAN. BY EARLY MARCH, TYPING 
"ANTIWAR" AND “IRAQ” INTO GOOGLE.COM RETURNED 
787,000 RESULTS. THANKS TO THE INTERNET, WE'VE COL- 
LECTED THE MOST MOVING—AND SHOCKING -SLOGANS, 
POETRY AND SIGNS 


THE SPLASH MENAGERIE—YOU CAN'T WALK ON WATER, 
BUT YOU CAN CERTAINLY FLY ON IT. SUMMER'S COOLEST WA- 
TER TOYS INCLUDE A TRANSPARENT KAYAK AND A WATER 
BIKE. ALL YOU NEED NOW IS A CHICK IN A BIKINI 


PLUS: A FAST AND FURIOUS PICTORIAL (DON'T WORRY—VIN 
DIESEL ISN'T NAKED), 20 QUESTIONS WITH MOVIE MADE- 
MOISELLE RACHEL WEISZ, BOURBON STREET HEDO- 
NISTS SHOW US THEIR BEADS, IN BED WITH CENTERFOLD 
REBECCA SCOTT, CLOTHING AND ACCESSORIES FOR THE 
NEW PLAYBOY MAN, AMERICA THE BREWFUL—A SUDSY 
TASTE-TEST AND MISS JULY, COLLEEN MARIE 


478), June 2003, volume 50, number 6. Published monthly by Playboy in national and regional editions, Playboy, 680 North 
ostage paid at Chi 
34. Subscriptions: in the U 


icago, Illinois and at additional mailing offices. Canada Post Сапа- 
$29.97 for 12 issues. Postmaster: Send address change to 
circ@ny playboycom. Editorial: edit@playboy.com