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New York's Charles Rangel is one of the longest-serving members of Congress and the ranking Democrat on the House 
Ways and Means Committee. He was against invading Iraq but is in favor of reinstating the draft. Contributing Editor War- 
ren Kalbacker—who met Rangel in his Harlem office for this month's 200—says Rangel is riled. “One of the reasons I'm 
seriously thinking about getting out of politics," Rangel told him, “is because my driving force is to make things better. It's 
no fun being in Congress now because of the damper this administration's economic policies have put on us for decades 
ahead. Our military and homeland defense costs are increasing, our borrowing is increasing and there's reduction in as- 
sistance to local and state governments. And we're talking about tax cuts? It's hard for me to get excited about the future.” 


What if the hot new girl in your 
high school had hinted that she 
would fool around if you could 
just score her some drugs? Jail- 
bait, by Mark Boal, is the story 
of how cops in Altoona, Penn- 
sylvania planted a narc in low- 
riders and a thong to do just 
that. “I read a lot of small-town 
newspapers,” Boal says. “When 
I saw this story about an under- 
cover sting in a high school, | 
wanted to know how these 
narcs operated in real life, and 
what impact they had on the 
working-class communities they 
policed. | found that this tactic 
is like a low-tech bomb that 
causes a lot of collateral dam- 
age en route to its target.” 


As Spider-Man, Tobey Maguire 
swung into Hollywood's elite. 
This summer, he takes a break 
from worldwide web success 
to star in Seabiscuit. “He's one 
of the hottest actors, but he 
also aspires to be a mogul,” 
says Contributing Editor David 
Sheff, who engages Maguire 
for the Playboy Interview. He 
carries himself like a mogul, 
too—right down to the stogie. 
“With PLAYEOY, he realized it 
was OK to smoke a cigar while 
we talked. Still, he's very con- 
scious of his image. We asked 
him to pose with the cigar in his 
mouth, but he wouldn't do it.” 


We like the approach taken by 
photographer Chuck Baker, who 
shot this month's fashion feature 
Killer Additives. “I've always seen 
fashion from a natural, fun point 
of view,” he says. Baker has a 
reputation for exquisite still-life 
work—some of which can be 
seen in our feature. “The idea 
was to focus on a small apart- 
ment, shooting somebody wear- 
ing clothes in an environment 
where they live, work, get up in 
the morning. | wanted to shoot 
the couple in bed, having break- 
fast—but we didn't have 20 
pages. The still lifes are shot with 
the idea that they are part of the 
same environment. That makes 
this a true lifestyle story.” 


Our August fiction, Jubilation, by 
T. Coraghessan Boyle, is set in 
an idyllic planned community in 
Florida. But the developers, it 
seems, failed to mention a pre- 
existing community of reptiles. 
Boyle encountered his first alliga- 
tor in the Okefenokee Swamp. 
“We were in a little skiff, whisper- 
ing so we wouldn't disturb this 
beautiful animal,” he says. "It 
was a good-size gator—maybe 
eight feet. After a while, it wasn't 
doing much, so my friend ill- 
advisedly whacked it on the head 
with an apple. It turned out to be 
very forgiving. We fed it bologna 
sandwiches and all was well.” 


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vol. 50, no. 8—august 2003 


PLAYBOY 


contents] 


features 


co 


76 


100 


JAILBAIT 

When a hot transfer student showed up midsemester at a Pennsylvania high school 
in 2002, she seemed up for anything—as long as the local boys could score her some 
drugs. Several teens took the bait. Then they got arrested. Did this narc go too far? 
The inside story of a controversial undercover operation. BY MARK BOAL 


THE PLAYBOY CASUAL SEX SURVEY 2003 

Sex in the city. Sex in the country. Sex in club bathrooms and beach motels. Almost 
10,000 people responded to our online poll, which takes the mystery out of one-night 
‚stand: 
AIDS; we find out how many people are getting it on with strangers, what makes 
them want to and how kinky theyll get. Get advice on how to handle the morning 
after. Plus weird, wild and well-oiled hookup stories. 


WHAT'S IN YOUR BAG? 

We asked skateboarding god Tony Hawk, Disturbed guitarist Dan Donegan and 
porn star Sunrise Adams to show us the (legal) stuff they carry around to power 
their superstar lifestyles—check out iPods, phones, digital cameras, portable DVD 
players and a few surprises. 


THE GREATEST DAMN SPORTS MOMENTS OF THE NEW MILLENNIUM 
Why wait another 97 years? With our friends from The Best Damn Sports Show 
Period, we've selected moments for the ages from the past three years. Among them: 
the French guy who tried to walk across the Pacific, Tyson's face tattoo and Ted 
Williams frozen into an ice sculpture by his son. BY KEVIN COOK 


We look into what's happened to promiscuity in an age of conservatism and 


CSC: CRIME SCENE CLEANUP 
Death isn’! pretty. Just ask the guys who get paid to clean up the mess. Welcome to 
one of America’s true growth industries. BY PAT JORDAN 


CENTERFOLDS ON SEX: SHAUNA SAND 
Shauna nuzzles up to guys with facial hair. Got a goatee? Then you can skip the 
foreplay. Shauna's already lathered up. 


20Q CHARLES RANGEL 

Forget Peoria, we want to know how Bush’s plans play in Harlem. Who better to 
ask than one of the most powerful—and longest-serving —Democrats in Congress, 
New York's Charles Rangel? BY WARREN KALBACKER 


fiction 


JUBILATION 

When a giant amusement park corporation starts a planned community complete 
with an old-fashioned Main Street, USA, they take care of everything—except the 
mosquitoes and alligators. BY T. CORAGHESSAN BOYLE 


interview 


55 


TOBEY MAGUIRE 

With Spider-Man, Tobey Maguire went from the earnest young man of The Cider 
House Rules and The Ice Storm to the top of Hollywood's pay scale. Where do you 
go from there? The Playboy Interview, of course. Maguire describes fighting Willem 
Dafoe, getting involved with AA and indulging his current vices. BY DAVID SHEFF 


cover story 


Why was Survivar: The Amazon the best seasan 
yet? Because the heat farced winner Jenno 
Morosca ond fourth-place runner-up Heidi 
Strobel 1o sprint, swim and scheme in nothing 
but their skivvies. Senior Contributing Photog- 
ropher Stephen Woydo snopped shots of the 
million-dollor bodies underneoth the bikinis 
Our Rabbit gets jungle fever neor the jackpot. 


vol. 50, no. 8—august 2003 


PLAYBOY 


g contents continued | 


ontinued 


pictorials 


66 


CARNIE WILSON 

The Wilson Phillips singer— 
and newly svelte daughter of 
Beach Boy Brian Wilson—will 
give you good vibrations. Promise 


PLAYMATE: COLLEEN MARIE 
This velerinarian knows all about 
animal instincts. 


SOUL SISTER SURVIVORS 
Jenna and Heidi triumphed in the 
jungle. Their weapon? Sex appeal 

These Amazon women know how to 
slay the competition. 


notes and news 


47 


151 


HEF'S HAPPY 77TH 

Justin Timberlake, Paris Hilton, 
and women in—appropriately— 
their birthday suits toast Hef. 


THE PLAYBOY FORUM 

The lawsuit game, what the budget 
deficit means to you and how one 
corporation has destroyed radio. 


PLAYMATE NEWS 

Pamela Anderson at the Country 
Music Television awards, Dennis 
Haysbert's favorite Playmate. 


departments 


PLAYBILL 

DEAR PLAYBOY 

AFTER HOURS 
PLAYBOY TV 
PLAYBOY.COM 
MANTRACK 

THE PLAYBOY ADVISOR 


PARTY JOKES 

WHERE AND HOW TO BUY 
ON THE SCENE 
GRAPEVINE 

POTPOURRI 


fashion _ 


KILLER ADDITIVES 

A few of these first-class upgrades 
can boost your whole wardrobe. 
BY JOSEPH DE ACETIS 


TREND GAME 

Summer heat is beastly, but staying 
cool this fall is just as impartant. 
BY JOSEPH DE ACETIS 


reviews 


32 


33 


34 


MOVIES 

Arnold Schwarzenegger is back in 
Terminator 3; Bob Dylan revealed 
in Masked and Anonymous. 


MUSIC 


50 Cent, the new Jane's Addiction. 


GAMES 

Playboy cover girls in Street Rac- 
ing Syndicate; shop till you drop 
dead in Silent Hill 3. 


DVDS 
Gangs of New York, and Reese 
Witherspoon—topless! 


BOOKS 
Lapdancer proves being a stripper 
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PLAYBOY 


HUGH M. HEFNER 


editor-in-chief 


JAMES KAMINSKY editorial director 
STEVEN RUSSELL deputy editor 
TOM STAEBLER ari director 
GARY COLE photography director 
LISA CINDOLO GRACE managing editor 
ROBERT LOVE editor al large 
JOHN REZEK associate managing editor 
STEPHEN RANDALL executive editor 
LEOPOLD FROEHLICH assistant managing editor 


EDITORIAL 
FEATURES: CHRISTOPHER NAPOLITANO editor; FORUM: JAMES R. PETERSEN Senior staff writer; cure 
ROWE associate editor; PATTY LAMBERTI editorial assistant; MODERN LIVING: DAVID STEVENS editor; 
JASON BUHRMESTER associale editor; DAN HENLEY administrative assistant; STAFF; BARBARA NELLIS 
senior editor; ALISON vaxto associate editor; ROBERT B. DESALVO. TIM MONR, assistant editors; 
HEATHER HAEBE, CAROL KUBALEK, MALINA LEE, OLGA STAVKOPOULOS editorial assistants; CARTOONS: 
MICHELLE URRY editor, JENNIFER THIELE assistant; COPY: BRENT HUSTON associate editor; ANAHEED 
ALANI, JOAN MCLAUGHLIN, ANNE SHERMAN assistant editors; KEMA SMITH Senior researcher; GEORGE 
НОРАК, BARI NASH. KRISTEN SWANN researchers; MARK DURAN research librarian; BRYAN BRAUER, 
BRADLEY LINCOLN assistants; EDITORIAL PRODUCTION: BONNIE SHELDEN manager; READER 
SERVICE: MIKE OSTROWSKI correspondent; CONTRIBUTING EDITORS: 
ASA BABER. KEVIN BUCKLEY. JOSEPH DE ACETIS (FASHION), GRETCHEN EDGREN, LAWRENCE СКОНЕ. 
KEN GROSS, WARREN KALBACKER. ARTHUR KRETCHMER. JOE MORGENSTERN, DAVID RENSIN. 
DAVID SHEFF, JOHN D. THOMAS 


HEIDI PARKER west coast editor 


ART 
SCOTT ANDERSON. BRUCE HANSEN, CHET SUSKI, LEN WILLIS senior art directors; ROB WILSON associate 
ап director; PAUL CHAN senior art assistant; JOANNA METZGER art assistant; CORTEZ WELLS art 
Services coordinator; LORI PAIGE SEIDEN senior art administrator 


PHOTOGRAPHY 

MARILYN GRABOWSKI west coast editor; JIM LARSON managing editor; KEVIN KUSTER, STEPHANIE MORRIS 
senior editors; PATTY BEAUDET-FRANGES associale editor; RENAY LARSON assistant editor; ARNY FREYTAG. 

STEPHEN WAYDA senior contributing photographers; ckonce ceonciov staff photographer: 

RICHARD IZUL MIZUNO. BYRON NEWMAN. GEN NISHINO, POMPEO POSAR. DAVID RAMS contributing 

photographers; тил. wurre studio manager—los angeles; ELIZABETH GEORGIOU manager, 

photo library; kevin CRAIG manager, photo lab; wEtisss eias photo researcher 
PENNY EKKERT, production coordinator 


JAMES N. DIMONERAS publisher 


PRODUCTION 
GETO production manager; CINDY VONTARELLI, DEBBIE TILLOL 
associnte managers; JOE CANE, CHAR KROWCZYN assistant managers: 

BILL BENWAY, SIMMIE WILLIAMS prepress 


маша MANDIS director; JODY jun 


‘CIRCULATION 
LARRY A. шев newsstand sales director; vivus ROTUNNO subscription circulation director 


ADVERTISING 
DIANE SILBERSTEIN associate publisher; JIFF KIMMEL eastern advertising director; ok HOFFER midwest 
sales manager; uren MANCULLA direct response advertising director; ts navara marketing director; 
SUE IGOE event marketing director; JULIA LICHT marketing services director; DONNA TAvOSO creative 
services director; Marte FIKNENO advertising business manager; KARA SARISKY advertising 
coordinator; NEW YORK: MICHAEL BELLINGHAM, VICTORIA HAMILTON, SUE JAFFE, JOHN LUMPKIN, RON. 
STERN; CALIFORNIA: DENISE SCHIPPER, COREY SPIEGEL; CHICAGO: WADE BANTER 


ADMINISTRATIVE 
MARCIA TERRONES rights & permissions director 


PLAYBOY ENTERPRISES INTERNATIONAL, INC. 
CHRISTIE HEFNER chairman, chief executive officer 
JAMES P. RADTKE senior vice president and general manager 


THIS PRODUCT 
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TORRID TORRIE 
I'ma big fan of the WWE, and your 
‘Torrie Wilson pictorial (May) is amaz- 
ing. | didn't think you could top Sable. 
Larry James 
London, UK 


1 have been in love with Torrie ever 
since her WWE debut in 1999. 
Joe Kirsh 
San Francisco, California 


Torrie pins us agein. 


1 wondered when ‘Torrie would pose 
for you guys. She is a goddess. 
Greg Vale 
San Jacinto, California 


Thank you for making all my Torrie 
fantasies come true. Now, how about 
getting ‘Trish Stratus next? 

Arce Rodriguez 
New York, New York 


“Thanks for the hottest babe on the 
planet. I might be in love. 
‘Andy Bracewell 
Belfast, Northern Ireland 


BILLY BOB BLOOPERS 
The neurotic Billy Bob Thornton 
(Playboy Interview, May) says he's afraid 
of Komodo dragons and Louis XIV 
furniture and that he won't do Shake- 
speare because we don’t understand 
that language. Where is Laurence Oliv- 
ier when we need him? 
Jerry Lumbre 
Pittsburg, California 


GORGEOUS JORJA 
You ask 20 questions of the hottest 
Fox on TV (200, May), and you don't 
tell us what she did before appearing 
on CSI or even how old she is. But let's 
hear it for those legs anyway. 
Steve Douglas 
Pasadena, California 
We don't really care what she did before 
CSI, and our mothers told us it's impolite to 
ask а woman her age. 


ANOTHER CHINA SYNDROME 
Thanks for The China Syndrome 2003 
(May) by Rene Chun. 1 ат deeply dis- 
turbed by Edward McGaffigan's cava- 
lier attitude about a possible attack on 
Indian Point. It's absurd to think that 
only a “few” people's dying is accept- 
able to the NRC. 
D. Fox 
Columbus, Ohio 


Sorry, guys. There's a better chance 
of Bin Laden walking into the White 
House than of a terrorist causing a 
meltdown at Indian Point. 
Matt Gray 
Washington, D.C. 


As a private security consultant 1 
can certainly understand Foster Zeh's 
concerns about poor training for secu- 
rity officers, but when the state and 
federal governments do not allow se- 
curity to use common sense and in- 
stead force them to use 100-page or- 
ders, training is a waste of time. The 
armed security guard must wait for an 
assault before he can open fire. Either 
get the military to guard these facil 
ties, or train private security properly 

Paul Pickard 
Riverside, California 


I have worked in the nuclear field for 
almost 20 years and have been involved 
in all aspects of plant operations and 
waste handling. To me, “the China Syn- 
drome” means a B movie made 
Jane Fonda. If I wanted sens 
ized journa 

Chris Vech 
Idaho Falls, Idaho 


Stick with beautiful women, great 
interviews and superb Editori 
als disguised as exposés 
but crap. If you must do this, where is 
the plant owner's side of the story? 


€ nothing 


Where is Wackenhut's side of the story? 
Chris Shoemaker 
Milwaukee, Wisconsin 


Once again the antinuke nuts are at 
it. The real problem is the not-in-my- 


y b o у 


backyard one. Would we really like to 
give up cheap power, nuclear medi- 
cine and X rays? I doubt it. 

Ira Shprintzen 

New Rochelle, New York 


I believe many of the terrorist- 
attack assumptions you make are cor- 
rect and very troubling. We should 
have started storing these fuel rods at 
the Nevada Test Site years ago, plac- 
ing them in highly secure, long-term 
storage. I have worked with nuclear 
material most of my life. The environ- 
mentalists and Native Americans have 
delayed the completion and operation 
of the Yucca Mountain storage areas 
for years now, and maybe that will 
cause the kind of disaster your article 
warns about. Frankly, I don’t think 
any security force in the world could 
stop a dedicated terrorist who doesn’t 
care if he dies in an assault. 

John Cleland 
Las Vegas, Nevada 


Your China Syndrome 2003 article is a 
deep disappointment. As a practicing 
nuclear engineer, I can tell you it is 
poorly researched. Let's start with the 
turquoise “shrink-off” radiation in the 
spent fuel. It doesn't pulsate—it has а 
steady glow. The radiation causes en- 
ergetic particles in the water to travel 
faster than the speed of light, and this 


Nucleor fallout. 


causes the shock wave. The effee 

known as Cerenkov radiation, alter 
the Russian physicist who first de- 
scribed it. Also, the zirconium clad- 
ding on the spent-fuel rods fails at 
1200, not 900, degrees centigrade 
Those 300 degrees make all the difler- 
ence in the world. Sorry, another an- 
noying fact: The NRC's decision on 
the safety and location of the spent- 
fuel pools would come from reviewing 


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To order by mail, please send check or 
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Р.О. Box 809 

Source Code 11462 

Itasca, IL 60143-0809 
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tax. (Canadian orders accepted.) 


800-423-9494 


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playboystore.com 


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©2003 Payboy 


the design documents and visiting the 
site and looking at the condition of 
the pools. If your primary source is a 
whistle-blower, he would be protected 
by the law, but it does not appear 
from the article that he ever applied 
for this protection. Perhaps the cause 
for his dismissal is less sinister. 

Brenden Heidrich 

State College, Pennsylvania 


The Indian Point plant has operated 
for decades. In the world after Sep- 
tember 11, the FBI considers nuclear 
power plants hardened targets and 
therefore unlikely to be successfully 
attacked. The Blueprints for Terror side- 
bar is much scarier. Closing Indian 
Point would cause electricity costs 
to rise, increase air pollution and not 
reduce the risks. 
Gilbert Brown 
Lowell, Massachusetts, 
Nuclear energy is an emotional issue. 
But the question is not whether we have a 
choice of living with nuclear energy—it’s 
about how we choose to live with it. We de- 
cided to cast light on what appeared to be 
lax security at Indian Point and the vul- 
nerabilities of its spent-fuel pools. On those 
poinls, our critics are silent. Whether you 
support nuclear energy or oppose it, there's 
no denying thal spent fuel poses an enor- 
mous challenge to the industry—and could 
be its Achilles’ heel. The issue of long-term 
disposal remains unresolved. And now, 
compounding the safety dilemmas present- 
ed by aging plants and ever-increasing 
amounts of spent fuel, comes the threat of 
lerrorism—which can't be so easily dis- 
missed. Chris Shoemaker might want to go 
back and read the story again: An Indian 
Point representative and an NRC official 
are quoted throughout. As for Brenden 
Heidrich's concerns, we used the colloquial 
expression for Cerenkov radiation as part 
of what is simply an eyewitness description 
of the pools themselves. Also, the dangers 
associated with spent-fuel rods reaching a 
temperature of more than 900 degrees 
centigrade ате undeniable—it's the point al 
which a loss of cooling water can result in 
a zirconium fire. Many nuclear physicists 
have verified that the spent-fuel pools were 
not designed to handle the amount of toxic 
material they now hold. The NRC has ad- 
Justed its standards lo fit the needs of the 
energy companies to which it is beholden; 
we're skeptical of that relationship. We 
stand by Foster Zeh’s account. Zeh is not 
trying to shut down Indian Point. He mere- 
ly made the decision to draw attention to the 
poor security and physical plant conditions 
there. Не shouldn't be ignored. 


ROPED IN 

It was so refreshing to read The Vel- 
vet Rope Orgy by Tanya Corrin (May). I 
belong to a club in the Philadelphia 
area, and 1 am sick of the stereotypes 


people have about group sex. 1 have 
seen some beautiful people there, some 
joining in, others watching. This kind 
of sex is for the young and bold. 
C.M. 
Westchester, Pennsyly 


a 


On the cover of your May issue you 
have “І.Р SEX: ARE YOU ON THE 1 ПИ! 
were on the list, I wouldn't require a 
subscription to your magazine. 

Christian Coney 
New Orleans, Louisiana 


I have a few corrections to your arti- 
cle. Im familiar with this scene. Ren- 
dezvous and Flirt are separate clubs. 
Flirt is a spin-off of Rendezvous. Ren- 


Behind the rope. 


dezvous still exists as a private club 
whose members are all known by the 
founders 

Ana Pavan 

New York, New York 


MAY OUI 
Miss May, Laurie Fetter, is fantastic, 
and photographer George Georgiou 
really brings out her best feature— 
those eyes. Laurie's warm, sensual 
look says it all. 
John Michaels 
Eldersburg, Maryland 


HE LOVES US 

Lam an avid PLAYBOY reader. I start- 
ed stealing them from my dad when 
I was younger and graduated to my 
grandfather's colle 
back to the first 
have fallen in love with many things in 
PLAYBOY, not just the beautiful women. 
Thanks. 


Mark Andrews 
Fargo, North Dakota 


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M onica Keena first whet male 
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to watch the show but shameless 
enough to enjoy it). "I played Abby, 
the mean girl,” she recalls. “1 was the 
first death on the show. | got trashed 
and hit my head on a pier. Another 
character asks if I'm OK, and | say, ч 
‘Shut up, bitch.'” As a teen, Keena 
attended an arts high school in Man- 
hattan. “We were across the street 


“The whole movie is me 

running around scared. 

I'm so little, Jason could 
snap me in two.” 


from a rougher school,” she says. 
“Our last class would get out 15 min- 
utes before theirs to avoid those 
kids’ beating up all the kids from our 
school.” Fleeing from bullies helped 
Keena prep for her role in the clash 
of the horror titans Freddy vs. Jason. 
“The whole movie is me running 
around scared,” she says, delivering 
welcome news for fans eager to see 
her lungs put to good use. So who is 
scarier, Freddy or Jason? “I think Ја- 
son,” she says, “just because I'm so 
little and Jason is a big. hulking guy _ 
who could snap me in two with © 
hand. Freddy messes with yor 
psychologically. | feel like 1 cot 

my way out of it." We're all ей 


Ro 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY ANTOINE VERGLAS 


babe of the month [ Monica Keena 


WHAT'S UP, MON? 


EDUCATING KEENA: Monica at- 
tended the High School for the 
Performing Arts, immortalized in 
Fame. "It's a public high school, 
not a rich private school for pris- 
tine little artists. 

DREAM DATE: “There is a crazy 
side to me. I think it's awesome to 
party with friends. 1 like hanging 
with the guys, and I can drink with 
the best of them. I'm definitely 
very comfortable sexually. I'm not 
prudish at all.” 

YOU MAY HAVE A SHO ike 
guys who are funny. | go for weird, 
offbeat, artsy guys—guys who look 
like they could be in a rock һап 
DEAL SEALERS: Books. "I like 
Faulkner, Roald Dahl, Vonnegut. 
They are good to keep around. 
Rolling Stones and Bob Dylan 
records help. Tom Waits, too— 
guys should keep that in mind." 
HELLO, KITTY: "I have a big bed. 
Lots of big pillows and candles. 
Very cushy. 1 like to feel like a little 
kitten in my huge bed.” 


afterhours ] 


. . youre not a soccer guy. But 
you are willing to be seduced by in- 
tentionally bad dubbing and computer- 
enhanced stunts of Shaolin Soccer, the 
Crouching Tiger of sports comedies now hitting 
theaters. Bruce Lee look-alike? Check. Cool 
1974 disco hit Kung Fu Fighting? Check. Guy 
hit in privates by 45 mph ball? We hope so. 


- you've spent a day mowing the grass. Now 
you crave a juicy steak, medium rare. Slap it on 
the grill, grind on some pepper and enjoy. Your 
manly body will thank you for all the protein, 
iron, B vitamins, zinc, selenium and essential 
amino acids that are lacking in your lawn. 


. . you're impressed by 
American ingenuily, what 
with Ford, Harley-Davidson 
and the Wright brothers" 
first flight joining Strom 
Thurmond in the 100-year 
club. But only one of these 
centennials will be cele- 
brated with chug-alug and 
wet T-shirt contests: Bik- 
ers from around the world 
descend ona helpless 
\ Milwaukee August 28. 


. . you need a beach book. Gaze at pass- 
ing bikini babes while reading page-turners 
Seizure by Robin Cook and The Teeth of the 
Tiger by Tom Clancy. The sophisticated ogler 
will opt for Benjamin Franklin: An American 
Life by Walter Isaacson—the perfect prop to 
peer over through mirrored granny glasses. 


. - you've heard enough 
wild stories about naked 
cyclists, flame jugglers, 
body paint, glitter karma, 
desert dharma, S&M yoga 
and public masturbation to 
last a lifetime. You wish 
what happens at Burning 
Man (August 25 to Sep- 
tember 1 in Nevada's vast 
Black Rock Desert) would 
just stay at Burning Man. 


HIP-HOP AND HEF 


OUR MAN GETS MORE PROPS THAN A HELICOPTER PAD 


Hiphop lyrics are littered with shoutouts to PLAYBOY. It's easy to under- 
stand: Hef and rappers share a vision for a world free of strict morals, 
cumbersome clothing and playa haters. Check these lyrics, dawg. 


Michael Jackson featuring Jay-Z—You Rock My World (Remix) He 


says: "The Mike Jordan of rap, the Mike Jackson of pop . . . The Hugh 
Hef of the game, yeah it won't stop." We say: Jigga, if you really want 
to be like Hef, start by ditching Jacko. 

Baby Cham featuring Foxy Brown—More She says: “I'm like a Playboy 
Bunny/l love to pose nude/A six-page spread/Some Prada shoes." 
We say: You want to wear shoes? Forget it. 

Nas—U Wanna Be Me He says: “Im like Hugh Hefner/You lesser.” 
We say: Hef and Nas are so much alike, in fact, even their close friends 
have a hard time telling them apart. 

Next featuring 50 Cent—Jerk He says: “PLAYBOY, November issue, 
page three was my wife. . . . | touch on myself when ain't no shorties to 
touch me.” We say: See? Bulletriddled OGs like 50 Cent get lonely, too. 
012—Ғиск Battlin' They say: "Have your mom suck my cock while | 
read PLAYBOY books.” We say: You kiss our mother with that mouth? 
Binary Star—KGB He says: “I'm trying to count zeros and hos like Hugh 
Hefner.” We say: Hef suggests hiring a good accountant. 
Pacewon—Cowboys and Westerns He says: “Done seen more naked 
chicks than Hugh Hefner.” We say: Not likely. 


POON TANG 


AN ENERGY DRINK WITH THAT FRESH, 
CLEAN FEELING 


The first thing you notice about Sum Poosie is 
the color, and then the odor. It's pink, it’s cherry 
and it's fake—just the way we like it when we 
need an artificial rush. With a campaign de- 
signed to take on Red Bull, and a pin-up girl on 
the bottle, Sum Poosie isn't subtle. It's loaded 
with sugar, В,2, ginseng and, for a dose of ex- 
tra ups, taurine. So as the party rolls on, Sum 
Poosie may help flagging revelers stay erect. 


[ afterhours 


BLIND HER WITH SCIENCE 


ENHANCE YOUR POWERS OF PERSUASION WITH FACTS 


Women are romantic creatures. But vanity also makes them sus- 
ceptible to honey-dipped science. Use these indisputable facts 
as deal closers, and tell her you got them from your doctor. 


Hypothesis: Sex 

makes you smarter. 
Proof: University of Calgary med 
school research reveals that sex 
triggers a surge of the hormone 
prolactin, which causes stem 
cells in the brain to produce new 
neurons. The effect seems limit- 
ed to the olfactory center—your 
sense of smell—but why go into 
needless detail? Bottom line, sex 
produces more brain cells. Be careful. A line like "You could al- 
ways use more brain" will probably provoke the reply, "With tits 
like these, | don't need a brain. Or you.” 


Hypothesis: Intercourse fends off the flu. 

Proof: Researchers at Wilkes University in Pennsylvania found 
that sex twice a week produces high levels of a diseasefight- 
ing antibody called immunoglobulin A. So it's solid science to 
assume that sex twice a day will make her almost invulnerable. 


Hypothesis: Marathon 
sex aids sprinters. 
Proof: According to Uwe Hakus, 
who trains Germany's sprint 
team, women who have sex be- 
fore competing perform better 
than when they abstain. Inter- 
course raises their testosterone 
levels, which enhances perfor- 
en mance. Use this one on fitness 
AP — fanatics. Remember: It's not 
== whether she wins or loses, it's 
whether she buys your game. 


Hypothesis: Infidelity is key to survival. 

Proof: Need fresh sexual energy? Try monkeying around. Uni- 
versity of Virginia behavioral ecologist Charles Nunn's analysis 
of 20 years’ worth of data on higher primates found that 
promiscuous species have soaring white blood counts and high 
resistance to infection. Of course, once you make this point, 
you can't complain when she develops a taste for bananas. 


Hypothesis: Parted 

thighs are smooth thighs. 
Proof: An article published by 
the noted scientists at the Ger- 
man edition of Glamour claims 
that sex helps prevent cellulite 
formation in women by releas- 
ing hormones that firm up body 
tissue and skin. Follow up her 
typical query, “Am | fat?” with, 
“No, but your legs could use 
some toning,” and you may ac- 
tually win the ensuing argument. 


— 


WILD CARDS 


A PAIR OF JOKERS 
SNEAK OUT OF THE 
PACK AND INTO 
COLLECTORS’ HEARTS 


With millions of trading 
cards produced every year, 
there are bound to be screw- 
ups. Chief among legend- 
ary error cards is Topps’ 
1977 C-3PO “Golden Rod,” 
in which the fussy droid is 
shown sporting a stifly the 
size of a plucked Ewok, The 
party line for the flub in- 
volves an errant piece of 
costume caught in midair 
by the camera. Uh-huh. 
Though thousands exist, 
the card goes foras much as 
$20. Next up to the plate is 
the 1989 Billy Ripken card, 
issued by Fleer even though 
the bottom of Ripken's bat 
reads “Fuck Face.” Ripken 
claimed the card-inal sin 
was a prank by teammates; 
Orioles fans put the finger 
on his brother Cal. Thou- 
sands of cards were printed 
before Fleer cried foul and 
sanitized the image—and 
ever since, baseball fans 
have tried to save Face. 


EVERYBODY HA$ A PRICE 


YOUR SELF-RESPECT, GOING ONCE, GOING TWICE .. . 


Would you sta 
total stranger lor $100? $5007 $1000? 


' an unprovoked shoving match with a 


Would you French- How about 


for $50? For a Certs? 


your dog for 


your firstborn Sars? $5000? $25,000? 
$125,000? How about Osama? Adolf? 


Would you I yours 
to make 10 times mor 


$ How much would it cost for you to name 


ings ifyou had a 50-50 shot 
How about 100 times more? 


d 


If your girlfriend was willing, would you let a friend 
screw her for $1000? $10,000? $25,000? Would you 
let her screw three friends at once for $10,000 
$50,000? $100,000? Where did you find this girl? 

Log on to Playboycom and vate in the Everybody Has a Price poll. 
This month’s results will be published in the November issue. 


Ur 


МО PURCHASE NECESSARY. Must be a legal US, resident and a smoker, age 21 or older. Sweepstakes void in MA, MI, FL, at retail in VA and where prohibited 
by law. Call 1-877-4-SWEEPS by 11:59 pm Eastern Time on 10/31/03 to enter and to obtain Official Rules. Touchtone phone required. Sweepstakes ends 10/31/03, 


© Lonlard 2003 
Nowport and Newport Medium ara registered 

trademarks ol Lorilard Tobacco Company. 

Lights Box: 9 mg. “tar.” 0.7 mg. nicotine; Medium Box: 11 mg 
"tat. 1.0 mg. nicotine; Box: 16 mg. “tar” 12 mg, nicotine av. 

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SURGEON GENERAL'S WARNING: Smoking 
Causes Lung Cancer, Heart Disease, 
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22 


[ afterhours 


taste test _ 


Have a bite Sure...where 1 didn't know 
of mine. is it? this place had 
kielbasa! 


DATING IN THE DARK 
GUESS WHO'S GROPING FOR DINNER? 


Finally, something for romantics who find candlelight too inhibit- 
ing. Here's the way Dinner in the Dark, a new dating option for sin- 
gles in New York, works: Show up at the designated restaurant, 
where a hostess wearing night-vision goggles guides you into a 
pitch-black room to join 35 or so other blind daters. The five- 
course gourmet meal begins. “My fork is as fucking blind as I am,” 
says a voice named Rita. Wineglasses are shared, and female diners? 
hands wander to judge looks, build and virility. The experience, 
hosted by cosmoparty.com (and spreading to cities other than New 
York), is supposed to be more culinary than carnal. Right. “You're 
missing a great show,” announces Maribel, rumored to be blouse- 
less by the time her coq au vin arrives. So what's for dessert? 


FAKING 
THE LAW 


REAL WE CAN'T BELIEVE 
THEY'RE NOT BACON 


Everyone in Hollywood 
pretends to be some- 
thing they're not, but 
the LAPD is not fooled 
by the trend of citizens 
posing as cops. Genuine 
law enforcement has a 
name for the phenome- 
non: play police. “These guys blend right in,” says LAPD detective 
Robert Haro. “Even cops assume they're real and look the other 
way.” How do play police, who have been known to respond to calls 
and write traffic citations, pull it off? Believe it or not, authentic 
uniforms, scanners, riot gear, batons and cuffs can be purchased 
through catalogs and from wholesalers. Uniforms Inc. in down- 
town Los Angeles offers an LAPD uniform for about $375. Police 
cars can be bought at auctions for $10,000 to $15,000. As for decals, 
play cops manage to create them at graphics shops or at home. 
Fake fuzz spend 1 fortunes on their look for one reason—the 
rush. “Most are failed police applicants,” says detective Sean 
Collinsworth, formerly of the LA County Sheriff's De} 
“When they fail, they go out and flash a badge anywa: 
Collinsworth was walking by a yogurt shop and spied two “sto 

cold-perfect” LAPD officers, “They even had a patrol car parked 
out front.” What they didn't have was the proper frequency on 
their radio. “That was one of the scariest arrests | ever made,” he 
says. “There was still a chance that they were actual LAPD, and you 
don't draw a gun on the LAPD unless you're crazy." 


SUPERSTYLIST 


SET DESIGNER BRYNNE RINDERKNECHT 
KNOWS HOW TO ADORN A ROOM 


PLAYBOY: What do you do at 
the magazine? 


BRYNNE: I'm a set designer 
and photo stylist. I pick out 
everything from props to wall- 
paper for our photo shoots. | 
also find furniture, and occa- 
sionally choose the wardrobe. 


PLAYBOY: How about the set 
for your own shoot? 
BRYNNE: For one picture 1 
put some turquoise aquarium 
gravel on the ground and 
posed on it, 

PLAYBOY: Speaking of decor, 
does your carpet match your 
drapes? 

BRYNNE: No rug—my floor is bare! 
PLAYBOY: Were you nervous about stripping? 


BRYNNE: 1 feel sexy in front of the camera. I've been to 
nude beaches, І walk around nude at home and my 
boyfriend and I like to do Polaroid sessions once in a while. 


PLAYBOY: Sounds like a hot hobby. 


BRYNNE: 1 try to make my whole apartment a sexual en- 
vironment. | have old theater curtains draped around my 
bed—t like being dramatic where it counts. 


TE 
TISSOT 


SWISS WATCHES SINCE 1853 


©2008 by — Tomb Raider and Lara Croft are trademarks of Core Design Ltd. All Rights Resarvadı 
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PRESENTING 


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1 AU - — u , 
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DISTINCTIVE SINCE 1 


DISTINCTIVE SINCE 


www-tanqueray.com 


Blow Jobs 


Number of balloon retailers in the 

U.S.: more than 12,000 

Number of balloon titles available at 

inflatablevideos.com: 

Annual retail balloon-sales revenue: 

$1 billion 

Price for high-end balloon sculptures: 
000 


The Sting Meter 


According to a Harris Poll, the aver- 
age sexual encounter lasts 15 to 30 
minutes. The breakdown: 


21060 
L E » 15 to 30 S/o 
Another Military Cluck-Up Quite Frankly — ys 


The number cf chickens issued to U.S. 
Marines in Kuwait as living bio-detectors to 
display warning symptoms in the event of an 
attack with chemical or biological weapons: 
43. The number of those chickens that 
dropped dead of natural causes within days 
of arriving in Kuwait: 42. 


- Chance Encounters — — 
This month's odds, brought to you by 
sportsinteraction.com: 


sales totaled $1.7 billion. 
The average American eats 
70 wieners per year. 


No Free Bride 


The average cost of a wedding in 
2003 is $22,360—an increase of 
47% since 1990. 


Yahoo Me, Baby 


ut 


Моге than Know 
2hours 4% 
4% 


All Work, 


Less than 
15 minutes 


10% 


NEXT JAMES BOND: Н 
Hugh Jackman 3: The number of web Little Play 
Jude Law en Yahoo listed = Number of vacation days 
ul CAMP DES 
Cuba Gooding Jr. 33: million hae! 
COLIN FARRELL'S FATE: The number = mur [2 
Checks into rehab ЙМ under FRANCE 37 
Retires from acting abstinence”: - 
Stops swearing 390,000 GERMANY 5 =] 
Marries Britney or Demi The differ- BRAZIL 34 
i ге ж 8 
Doggie Dough expressed 
E | CANADA [26 A | 
aan S. KOREA 25 
JAPAN 25 
us. | 


ШП 


The Least Important U.S. Presidents 


based on length of entry in the World Book Encyclopedia. (For 
comparison, George Washington, the president with the longest 
entry, is discussed for 11,165 words.) 


Rank President Words in Entry 
я 39. Franklin Pierce 1699 
ndi family О! 40. John Tyler 1648 
offered by hehe return of 41. Zachary Taylor 1343 
Hollis, Queer rman shepherd: 42. William H. Harrison 1318 
Bugsy, their 43. М№ага Fillmore 1216 


5,000 


Jamie Ireland is a 
freelance writer ın 
the areas of sex, 
fitness, romance, 
and travel 


POWE 


Advertisement 


LUNCH 


The inside story on hea Ithy Sex | 


Learning “The Ropes”.. 


his month I got a letter from a 
reader in Texas, about a “little 
secret” that has made her love life with her 

husband absolutely explosive. (These 
Texans know their stuff, let me tell you) 


Tina writ 


Dear Jamie, 


Last month, my husband returned from 
a business trip in Europe and he was 
hotter than ever before. The power and 
sexual energy that he suddenly had was 
even more than when we first started 
ing love almost 10 years ago! It was 
incredible. He flat wore me out! And 
the best part of it all — he was having 
multiple orgasms. I know what you're 
thinking, men don't have multiples. 
Thats what I thought too, but trust 
me, he was and his newfound passion 
and vigor was such an incredible turn-on 
to me also, thar before we knew it we 
were both basking in the glow of the 
best sex of our lives. 


m: 


We'd tried tantric stuff in the past and 
the results were so-so, Bur this 
something new and exciting, completely, 
out of the ordinary. After a few days, 

1 asked my husband what had created 
such a dramatic change in our lovemaking, 
and he told me he'd finally learned 

“the ropes.” 


On the last night of his business trip, my 
husband spent an evening dining out 

with a Swedish nutritionist and his wife of 
rs. The couple was obviously 
still quite enamored with each other, 
so my husband asked their seeret. The 
nutritionist told him their sex life was 
more passionate than ever. Then he pulled 


| 


by Jamie Ireland 


a small bottle from his satchel and gave it 
to my husband. The Босе contained a 
natural supplement that the nutritionist 
told my husband would reach him “the 
rapes” of good sex. 


My husband takes this supplement every 
day, The supply from the nutritionist is 
about to run out, and we desperately 
want to know how we ean find more. 
Do you know anything about “the 
ropes” and can you tell us how we can 
find it in the States? 


Sincerely, 
‘Tina С. 
Ft Worth, Texas 


T you and the rest of our reade: 
are in luck, because it just so happens 
1 do know about “the ropes,” and the 
supplement your husband's Swedish 
friend likely shared. 


‘The physical contractions and flu 
release during male orgasm can be 
multiplied and intensified by a product 
lled Ogóplex Pure Extract". Its a 
supplement that will most certainly trigger 
much longer and stronger orgasmic 
experiences in men. The best part, from 


a woman’ perspective, is that the motion 
and experience a man сап achieve with 
Ogúplex Pure Extract can help stimulate 
her own orgasms, bringing a whole new 
meaning to the term siamultancans climax! 


"The term used by the Swedish nutritionist 


actually fairly common slang throughout 
Europe for the effect your husband 
experienced. "The erhanced contractions 
and heightened orgasmic release are 
often referred to as ropes because of the 
rope-like effect of release during climax. 
In other words, as some people have 
said, “it just keeps coming and coming.” 


As for finding it in the states, I know 
of just one importer, Bland Naturals, 
Inc. If you are interested, you ean 
contact them at 1-866-OGOPLEX 
or Ogoplex.com. Ogöplex tablets are 
pure flower seed extract and are safe to 
take. All the people I've spoken with have 
said taking the once-daily tablet has led 
to the roping effect Tina described in 
her letter. 


Aren't you glad you asked? 


е PAD. 


amie Ireland 


Individual results may vary. 


TERMINATOR 3: ] 
RISE OF THE MACHINES 


Man-vs.-machine mayhem—batteries not included 


In anticipation of filming something as massive as Т3, 
everybody has ideas. When Nick Stahl, who plays hope-of- 
humanity John Connor, was mastering weaponry, his LAPD 
instructor did a little directing of his own. "I found myself in 
the passenger seat of his car firing an AK-47 out the win 
dow as he was doing doughnuts in a parking lot," says 
Stahl. “Не had it in his head that maybe that was part of the 
movie.” It's not, but $150 million worth of stunts, effects 
and Ah-nold (as a sometimes good, sometimes bad cy- 
borg) are in store for fans of the James Cameron-created 
franchise—although Cameron 


himself bailed, replaced at һе "| was firing an 


helm by Jonathan Mostow 
(U-571). The story picks up 10 AK-47 out the 


years after T2, with Connor "liv- j 

ing off the grid, basically home- passenger side 
less," says Stahl. “He avoids WINdOW. 

cameras, doesn't have friends 

and has a well-founded paranoia about being discovered.” 
But what if your new pursuer is a knockout Terminatrix in 
red leather (Kristanna Loken)? “She's off-the-scales hot,” 
says Stahl, who bemoans that most of his scenes with Lo- 
ken involved fleeing her presence. “After three months of 
running away, | thought, | either want her to catch me and 
kill me, or maybe we can be friends!” (July 2) 


Oh well, guess 
she doesn't need 
a light after all. 


The League of 1 Extraordinary Gentlemen Our call: Gentlemen, please. 
Shane West) | Rumor has it that Connery and 


san Connery 


This month's comic book based flick pits a power- mad villain 
against a Brit-lit team of Indy-like adventurer Allan Quater 
main (Connery), the Invisible Man and Dracula’s bride, plus to- 
ken Yank Tom Sawyer. Talk about your coalition of the willing. 


director Stephen Norrington 
nearly came to blows. That 
would be more fun to watch 
than this ill-conceived bomb. 


Bad Boys ll 


Whatchagonna do tien it ‘takes sight jeu to engineer a 
reunion between those maverick narcs played by Smith and 
Lawrence? Round two finds them busting a drug kingpin and 
Smith getting jiggy with his unamused partner's li'l sis. 


Our call: Director Michael 
"Boom" Bay could match ex- 
pectations, if your expectations 
aren't for much more than 
wisecrack-gunfight-car-chase- 
wisecrack-kablooey. 


Lara Croft Tomb Raider: The Cradle of Life 

ounsou) Jolie returns 
as the planet's best-looking independently wealthy video-game 
vixen, this time on an adventure-filled quest to locate that 
wellspring of evil, Pandora's box, assisted by an old flame. No, 
we don't mean Billy Bob. 


Our call: The first Croft flick 
nearly entombed us, so the se- 
quel offers more action, less 
yack. Even slam-bang stunts 
can't outshine the movie's best 
special effect—Jolie in a bikini. 


Seabiscuit 

y Maguir B Chris Cooper) Wonder boy 
Maguire plays the real- “lite half- blind Depression- era jockey 
who rode a runty dark horse to the victory circle, inspired an 
entire nation and presumably made some long-odds players a 
whole lot of hay. 


Our call: A horse movie is just 
a horse movie, of course. But 
this adaptation of the best-sell- 
ing book leads the Oscar field 
so far. Rocky with a saddle 
could win by а nose 


27 


28 


reviews [ movies 


When Masked and Anonymous (open- 
ing July 25) screened at Sundance, the 
smattering of applause was matched 
by the sounds of heads being 
scratched. What could motivate an all- 
star cast—Luke Wilson, Jeff Bridges, 
Penélope Cruz, Jessica Lange and Val 
Kilmer, among others—to appear in 
this esoteric mess? Answer: Bob Dyl- 
an, the movie's central star and inspira 
tion. But like most things involving Dyl- 
an, the mystery doesn't end there. 


What's it all about, anyway? 

M&A is set in an America turned into a 
third world country by а senseless 
civil war. Shady promoter Uncle 
Sweetheart (John Goodman) sets up a 
sham benefit concert and lands long- 
imprisoned troubadour Jack Fate (Dyk 
an) as the headliner. What results is a 
chaotic mix of political commentary, 
abstract humor and smoking perfor- 
mance footage that features Dylan 
and his touring band. 

Is Dylan responsible for the script? 
It's difficult to overestimate Dylan's ge- 
nius as a songwriter. But whenever 
he has ventured into other fields— 
1971's free-form novel Tarantula and 
1978's nearlyfourhour movie Renal- 
do and Clara—he's received a critical 
drubbing. Which, perhaps, is why the 
M&A script is credited to "Sergei 
Petrov and Rene Fontaine,” when ru 
mor has it that Dylan wrote it with the 
film's director, sitcom guru Larry 
Charles. At Sundance, Charles swore 
that Petrov and Fontaine are real, but 
the film has Dylan's fingerprints all 
over it. Then again, the Dylan injokes 


[ WHAT WAS THAT MASKED FILM? | 


Bob Dylan makes a puzzling art-house movie. Or does he? 


have led others to speculate that the 
script is the work of an obsessive fan. 
Why is Ed Harris in blackface? 

Um, because he plays a “song-and- 
dance man,” we guess. (Too bad he 
delivers a monolog instead of fancy 
footwork.) More likely it's because the 
recent Oscar nominee is also a Dylan 
acolyte who would show up ina corset 
and nipple clamps if Bob asked. 

Who is the audience for this? 

Forty years after The Freewheelin’ 
Bob Dylan, academic studies of the 


artist's songs continue to hit book- 
stores with alarming regularity. No 
matter how severely it gets trashed by 
critics, the low budget (the film was 
shot on digital video and the stars 
worked for union scale) practically 
guarantees that Dylanologists will put 
it in the black—and spend the next 40 
years yammering on about how it's a 
misunderstood masterpiece. 


Northfork 
Twin filmmakers Michael 
and Mark Polish (Twin 
Falls idaho) justify their 
cult following with this 
haunting fantasy about a 
widower (James Woods) 
sent to evacuate a Mon- 
tana town before it's flood- 
ed, and a team of angels 
(including a hermaphro- 
dite) on their own odd mis- 
sion. Northfork sounds 
pretentious, but it's too 
sincere and lyrical to dis- 
* miss. —Andrew Johnston 


DOWN WITH LOVE Renée Zellweger and 
Ewan McGregor parody Doris Day and Rock 
Hudson pillow-talk comedies, which were 
never as heavy-handed as this. The retro 
look is great, but the comedy is relentlessly 
artificial, and that grows old fast. ¥¥ 


ID Guy Pearce and 
Rachel Griffiths star in this Aussie import 
about prisoners who are part of a robbery 
ring with their warden and a slick lawyer— | 
until things go awry, Sharp and clever with 
plenty of surprises in store. ¥¥¥ 


THE MATRIX RELOADED This sequel 
doesn't have the revolutionary visual ideas. 
of the first blockbuster, but it's still pretty 
cool, especially as Agent Smith multiplies. 
But isn't it ironic that a futuristic film's. 
greatest action scene is a car chase? ¥¥¥ 


Philip Seymour 
Hoffman gets. a great showcase in this fas- 
cinating study of a nerdy assistant bank 
manager who uses his position to fuel a 
gambling addiction. Minnie Driver and John 
Hurt co-star in this solid sleeper. УУУУ 


28 DAYS LATER Danny Boyle (Trainspot- 
ting) offers a film that's part science fiction, 
part horror and all scary. A virus spreads 
like wildfire through the UK, leaving sur- 
vivors to dodge the brain-diseased maraud- 
ers who haven't yet died. УУУ 


_ This Oscar-nomi- 
Per film S us to fly with birds— 
alongside, over, under and behind them, 
in fact—as they migrate around the world. 
An eye-opening documentary that’s one of 
a kind. уузу 


X2: X-MEN UNITED A whole lot of mu- 
tants means not enough time for each char- 
acter, but the action never lets up in this 
lively sequel. Nightcrawler (Alan Cumming) 
and Jean Grey (Famke Janssen) get ample 
screen time, while Halle Berry is among 
those who don't have much to do. ¥¥¥ 


PTURING THE FRIEDMANS > 
ea won the Grand Jury Prize at 
Sundance, with good reason; Not only are 
we touched by a middle-class family's de- 
struction as the father is accused of child 
pornography, but we see it, too—they kept - 


| à Video camera running all the time. УУУУ 


Don’ 


mi Worth a look 
Good show 


Forget it 


“The three priorities in my life 
are my horse, my rope and my Copenhagen. 
But not necessarily in that order.” 
f | At х - Ту Миггау, 
N) ' t Retired 7-Time World Champion 
[ = \ All-Around Cowhoy 


| 
f 

4 
شت > ( | | 


The bold taste of Copenhagen. As authentic 
as the people who enjoy it. Whether it's Fine Cut, 
Long Cut or Pouches, Fresh Cope’ satisfies. 


7 


омс 


@Trademark of U.S, Smokeless Tobacco Co., or an ана ОКей 
TOHACCO CO 


reviews [ music 


[ JANE'S ADDICTION * STRAYS ] 


The Lollapalooza godfathers are keeping it surreal. 


At this point nothing's shocking about 
Jane's Addiction. During their late- 
Eighties assault on the Los Angeles 
scene, the alternative quartet's dal- 
liance with sexual imagery and fierce 
sermonizing on personal freedom 
made big-hair bands seem Paleolithic 
overnight. But can a reunited Jane's 
still create a stir? On Strays, singer- 
shaman Perry Farrell and band don't so 
much reinvent as pick up where they 
left off. They stomp through To Match 
the Sun and the tribal drumming of 
True Nature with the vigor of young 
Lollapalooza moshers and rekindle 
their brand of surfside balladry with 
Everybody's Friend. Then, with Just 
Because, Dave Navarro's riffs and Far- 
rell's upper-octave wail truly lock step 
and demonstrate that Jane's Addiction 
doesn't need to shock us any longer. 
They only need to be themselves. 
(Capitol) УЗУ Jason Buhrmester 


DANDY WARHOLS 
Welcome to the Monkey House 

The Dandys have long been a reliable сот 
nection for drugged-out rock, but this time 
they slipped us something different. The 
foursome's T. Rex riffs come dressed for 
an Eighties tribute, complete with synths 
and a cameo by 
Simon Le Bon. It's 
less rock, more 
mood—but do they 
have better stash 
that they're not 
sharing? (Capitol) 
БА J.B. 


MARS VOLTA 
De-Loused in the Comatorium 
When El Paso punk heroes At the Drive-In 
split up, members landed in MTV-friendly 
Sparta and the Mars Volta, a trippy setup 
that has created an exciting album. In a 
time of garage overkill, Volta blasts off in 
a spaceship fueled by who-knows-what, 
cranking out a psy- ¡> 
chedelic sound- 
track of epic, then | 
hushed songs that 
never end. So who 
wants it to end? 
(Universal) ¥¥¥% 
‘Alison Prato 


JOE LOVANO + On This Day 

In the studio, master tenor man Lovano's 
work with his nonet has been mostly cere- 
bral stuff. This CD, recorded last Sep- 
tember at the Village Vanguard, is bois- 
terous, jubilant and straight ahead. It's 
gratifying to hear a band at the top 
of its form ripping 
through strong ma- 
terial. This one 
joins other clas- 
sics recorded at 
the New York club. 
(Blue Note) УУЧУ 
—Leopold Froehlich 


FANNYPACK So Stylistic 
Fannypack is from Brooklyn, but So Stylis- 
tic is a throwback to the funJoving heyday 
of Miami bass—comically simple beats 
and noises propelled by bazooka booms. 
These female MCs are unmistakably Eight- 
ies, entreating us to “Get up and do it, do 
it,” or busting lines like, “This ain't White 
Castle, but Im what — 4 
you crave.” It's all 
you need to give 
the entire sum- 
mer a spring break 
bounce. (Tommy 
Boy) УУУ 

—Tim Mohr 


[ 50 CENT] 


Nine bullets almost ended 
multiplatinum rapper 50 Cent's 
life three years ago. So the nine 
questions we fired off didn't even 
make him flinch. 


On being on top: 

Now my toughest thing is being in 
‘competition with myself. After you do 
exceptionally well, your next record is 
up against the one that's out now. 


Gambling his tiches: 

I'd rather put $20,000 on the floor in a 
dice game than $20,000 into the stock 
market, because when the dice stop 
rolling | know whether I've won or lost. 
I've no idea what the fuck is going on 
with the stock market. 


Working with Dr. 
Dre and Eminem: 
1 already know 
exactly what to 
say to excite people in 
the hood, but those 
guys have more ex- 
perience generat- 
ing worldwide in- 
terest. So | take 
their advice. 


The best rapper 


ever: 

Tupac might be 
the one. He's still 
outselling people 
who are alive and 
breathing who 
can't come up 
with concepts 
better than 
those Tupac had before he passed. 


Drugging and thugging: 
Т don't miss none of that shit. 


His work ethic: 
It has to do with not having a plan B. If 
it doesn't work for me musically, then I 
go back to the street, which is going 
back to nothing. 


His ideal woman: 
She has to know something 1 don't 
know. I need a partner, not a girlfriend 
thats just pretty and just there. 


Why he thinks he's lucky: 
You get shot nine times and survive— 
your fingers and toes move and you're 
operating regular like there's nothing 
the matter—you gotta kinda start think- 
ing there's a reason, 


Did he really kill a man? 
Hey, if he didn't survive, he didn't 
survive. —Dewey Hammond 


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reviews [ games 


game of the month 


[ SOUL CALIBUR 2 ] 


Girls gone wildé—now with swords! 


The only thing more humiliating than losing to your buddy at Sou! Calibur 2 (Namco, 
PS2, Xbox, GameCube) is losing to your buddy when he's playing as а cute girl 
dressed in a gown that would make J. Lo blush. This sequel to the planet's most 


popular weapons-based fighting 
game includes plenty of half- 
naked femmes among the new 
combatants (including a custom 
creation by comic-book legend 
Todd McFarlane), fresh bone- 
crusher moves and an exclusive 
special-guest character per 
console: Zelda's sword-wielding 
Link on the GameCube, battle- 
ax brute Spawn on the Xbox and 
Tekken's barefisted Heihachi on 
PS2. Unfortunately, Sou! Cali- 
bur 2 doesn't include an option 
to download content from the 
Net, nor is there a component 
for online play, so all fashion cri- 
tiques are confined to your liv- 
ing room. ¥¥¥ —Marc Saltzman 


EY 
Ee 


STARSKY & HUTCH (Empire Interactive, 
PS2, Xbox, GameCube) Twoplayer mode 
is where the action is in this spin-off star- 
ring our favorite blow-dried cop duo. Have 
a friend use a wheel controller to steer the 
classic “Red Tomato” car while you fire out 
the window with a gun controller. Cut 
scenes narrated by Antonio “Huggy Bear” 
Fargas connect the game’s 19 episodes, 
all of which center 
on patrolling Bay 
City and cutting 
down bad guys. It's 
the best drinking 
game we've played 
this year. ууу 

—Jason Buhrmester 


SILENT HILL 3 (Konami, PS2) Hanging 
out at the mall can be scary enough, even 
without a plague of giant blood-soaked 
bunnies. Troubled teen heroine Heather is 
undaunted, using a steel pipe and a shot- 
gun to battle the beasties infesting her 
natural habitat, as well as a not-so-amus- 
ing amusement park. Grainy video filters, 
swirling cameras and intense action put it 
severed head and 
shoulders above 
the rest of the hor- 
ror-game competi- 
tion—the best in- 
stallment yet of a 
great series. УУУУ 

—Scott Steinberg 


CHAOS LEGION (Capcom, PS2) As the 
saying goes, the opera ain't over till the 
fat lady sings, but this self-described 
“gothic opera” ain't over till the fat lady is 
hacked to bits. As master swordsman 
Sieg Wahrheit, you're hunting Victor De- 
lacroix, an old friend who has gone over 
to the dark side. You slash through 
swarms of monsters, getting an assist 
from seven spe- 
cialized ghostly 
legions that you 
summon just as 
the frantic button- 
mashing grows 
tiresome. vv 
—John Gaudiosi 


THE GREAT ESCAPE (Gotham Games, 
PS2, Xbox) The problem with movie- 
based games is that you know the end- 
ing before you pick up a controller. Still, 
we couldn't resist a shot at playing Steve 
McQueen, dodging prison camp guards 
and making the most daring motorcycle 
jump in cinematic history. Gameplay 
shifts between Medal of Honor-inspired 
shootouts and 
sweat-inducing 
Stealth missions. 
A chance to slap 
James Garner 
silly would have 
been a really nice 
twist. жж —J.B. 


game bang 


[ FAST WOMEN ] 


Street Racing Syndicate's Angelica 
Bridges cuts to the chase 


Wherever you find high-end sports cars, 
you're sure to find high-maintenance 
women. Street Racing Syndicate (3DO, 
PS2, Xbox, GameCube) exploits the sym- 
biotic nature of hot rides and sultry sex- 
pots by allowing players to accessorize 
their cars with 18 girlfriends who can be 
won, lost or traded. “What do men like? 
Sex, cars and money,” suggests actress 
and PLAYBOY cover girl Angelica Bridges, 
whose voice and animated image appear 
in the game, alongside those of Play- 
mates Tina Jordan and Christi Shake. 
“So it's natural for a video game to 
touch on these themes. I play the dream 
girl—that’s why it takes so much to win 
me over." Just don't count on a smooth 
ride. These gals are no mere hood orna- 
ments, and when they demand a night 
оп the town, you must choose between 
losing the girl or the race. The trade-off: 
The girls dig up dirt on ri- 
vals and shake their 
moneymakers for the 
camera. “Successful 
drivers can 
spect and power by 
trading ladies 
around their 
crew," ex- 
plains Play- 
boy Special 
Editions pin- 
up Sasha Sin- 
gleton, also 
featured in 
the game. 
"It's just like 
real life, be- 
cause boys 
are shady.” 

—5.5. 


Angelica Bridges 


Alienware If you're a PC gamer, Alien- 
ware will outmuscle the beige box that 
you're currently using. The company's 
new extraterrestrial-inspired cases fea- 
ture four USB 2.0 ports on the front 
and an innovative 


cooling system that 
fans air through 
the glowing eyes. 
Each system is 
custom-built to 
your budget and 
your intended use, 
whether it's for 
video editing or for 
up-all-night gaming 


(alienware.com). 


WHERE AND HOW TO BUY ON PAGE 135. 


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reviews [ dvds 


[ GANGS OF NEW YORK ] 


Tribal warfare in lower Manhattan. 


Martin Scorsese's long-awaited costumer about New York in 1863 was nominated 
for 10 Oscars and came away with nothing. Two Weeks Notice made more money. 
What went wrong? It may be that 167 minutes is too long to squirm in a theater. But 
with DVDs you can stretch your legs and not miss the bloodletting. Gangs is a chal- 
lenging eyeful. Scorsese's depiction of turmoil during a wave of Irish immigration 


and the draft riots is both 
plausible and operatic—in the 
same vein as his Age of Inno- 
cence. And he had the good 
sense once again to cast 
Daniel Day-Lewis, who walks 
off with the movie. Extras: 
Bonus materials include com- 
mentary by the director and 
two history lessons (one from 
the Discovery Channel). But 
where is all the material that 
was cut to make the release 
under three hours? Not here. 
This version will have to do 
until the director's cut comes 
out. yyy% —John Rezek 


THERE'S SOMETHING MORE ABOUT | 
MARY (1998) Everybody loves Cameron 
Diaz, including traumatized high school 
sweetheart Ben Stiller, who hires sleazy 
private dick Matt Dillon to find her years lat 
er. Crude hilarity and organic hair gel ensue. 
Extras: The Farrelly brothers have added 
15 minutes for this two-disc collector's edi- 
tion, which includes new commentary, star 
interviews (one with Brett Favre), the ending 
in eight languages 
and a “Behind the 
Zipper” featurette 
that answers the 
question, “Is it 
the frank or the 
beans?" yyy 
-Buzz McClain 


THE QUIET AMERICAN (2002) Chaotic 
1952 Saigon slips toward quagmire in di- 
rector Phillip Noyce's adaptation of the Gra | 
ham Greene novel. Michael Caine is a British 
ex-pat reporter who agrees to show U.S. aid 
worker Brendan Fraser the ropes and winds 
up sharing his local lay. Fraser's a spook, it 
turns out, with an idealist's zeal for fixing In- 
dochina's rickety wagon. Extras: Australian 
Noyce, who made 
a movie skeptical 
of U.S. foreign 
policy in a time of 
patriotism, plays 


a good sport on 
the commentary. 
yyy GF 


PHONE BOOTH (2003) Smarmy Gotham 
publicist Colin Farrell picks up a ringing 
public phone and finds himself talking 
with a psycho sniper who will shoot him if 
he hangs up. As cops and a crowd of typ- 
ical New Yorkers circle the booth, direc- 
tor Joel Schumacher tries a slew of cir 
ematic techniques to keep us riding this 
tense, one-trick pony—except for plaus+ 
bility. Extras: In his DVD commentary, Schu- 
macher agrees it 
was a good idea 
to delay the mov- 
ie's release dur- 
ing the sniper 
hunt in Washing- 
ton, D.C. yy 

—Gregory P. Fagan 


DAREDEVIL (2003) Whatever you may 
think about movies based on comic book 
heroes, they inspire cool DVDs. This one 
offers Ben Affleck as Marvel's titular sight- 
deprived “Man Without Fear.” The two-disc 
Daredevil set is chock-full of features, 
including one called “Shadow World” that 
explains how the blind guy uses other sens- 
es to kick supervillain butt. (Radioactive 
isotope baths for 
everyone!) Extras: 
Jennifer Garner's 
screen test for 
the role as Dare- 
devil's lean, mean 
love interest, Elek- 
tra. YY G.F. 


[ FILM SCHOOL ] 


This month’s lesson: All you need to 
know to watch blaxploitation. 


Back in black: In the early Seventies 
African Americans didn't star in movies, 
unless they were Sidney Poitier. Into this 
void rose a new form of urban enter- 
tainment that depicted black society in 
all its funky glory, with black actors as 
top-billed stars and streetlevel themes— 
urban decay, Oppression by the Man—as 
plot points. Much of the blaxploitation 
genre was low-budget driven fodder fea- 
turing pimps, hos, pushers, monsters 
(Blacula, 1972) and the occasional hero 
in tales about botched drug deals or 
revenge on (usually white) authority fig- 
ures. But the strongest films raised seri- 
ous social issues amid the sex-strewn, vi- 
Olent mayhem, not the least being Melvin 
Van Peebles’ 1971 Sweet Sweelback's 
Baadasssss Song (“Rated X by an all- 
white jury,” ads crowed) and the heroic 
Shaft series. Ridiculous chop-socky and 
formulaic famil- AS 
¡arity burned 
out the audi- 
ence, but not 
before leaving 
a legacy of 
awesome 
soundtracks 
(Superfly, 
1972), produc- 
ing stars such 
as Ron O'Neal, 
Jim Brown, Rich- 
ard Roundtree and Pam Grier—and raising 
Hollywood's bottormine consciousness. 

Additional study: Across 110th Street 
(1972), Cleopatra Jones (1973), Detroit 
9000 (1973), Foxy Brown (1974), Cotton 
Comes to Harlem (1970), Black Caesar 
(1973), The Mack (1973), Three the Hard 
Way (1975), Black Belt Jones (1974), 
Dolemite (1975). —B.M. 


sleaze frame 


| She may be legally blonde now, but in. 
1998s Twilight, Reese Witherspoon played 


a nice long look at her 


 buttercups when he barges into her Mexican 


‚love nest. The rest 
of the movie—also 
starring Gene Hack- 
man, Susan Saran- 


don and James 

Garner—is a per- 
fectly competent 
_ Suspense mystery, 
although it never 
| quite matches its 
| earlier peaks. 


33 


34 


reviews | books 


Krakauer, master of narrative nonfiction, is 
drawn to stories of people facing extreme 
elements: climbers caught in a killer storm 
on Mount Everest (Into Thin Air), a would-be 
Thoreau starving in the Alaskan backwoods 
(Into the Wild). Now he trains his eye on 
Mormonism, a religion that he also finds 
extreme. Using a 1984 Utah homicide as a 
springboard (two fundamentalist Mormon 
brothers claimed they killed their sister- 
imaw and her infant daughter as acts of 
“God's will"), he deftly demonstrates that 
the history of America's fastest-growing 
faith can as easily be identified with fanati- 
cal violence as with polygamy. He even 
tacks on a chapter about Elizabeth Smart's 
kidnapping and the media's rose-tinted cele- 
bration of her return to her family. How can 
a religion foster behavior both messianic 
and evil? Krakauer makes us understand. 
Almost. (Doubleday) ¥¥¥% — —Alison Prato 


ASPHALT GODS * Vincent Mallozzi 

For nearly 50 years, the Rucker tourna- 
ment has offered the best outdoor hoops 
in the world. Holcombe Rucker, a New York 
City Parks Department employee, brought 
amateur and pro basketball legends to 
Eighth Avenue and 155th Street to play a 
shake-and-bake style of roundball that 
greatly influenced the modern game. Julius 
Erving, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar and Wilt 
Chamberlain came to the playgrounds of 
Harlem during the summer to square off 


[ UNDER THE BANNER OF HEAVEN | 
JON KRAKAUER 


Praise the lord and pass the ammunition. 


A Story of 
Violent Faith 


OF HEAVEN 


BANNER 


against such street legends as Earl "the 
Goat" Manigault, Herman "Helicopter" 
Knowings and Joe "the Destroyer" Ham- 
mond. Although there are too many woeful 
tales of players (like Ham- 
mond) who ended up in 
the big house rather than 
Madison Square Garden, 
Asphalt Gods is a wel- 
come piece of New York 
City history. (Doubleday) 
¥¥¥ —Leopold Froehlich 


ANYONE YOU WANT ME TO BE 
John Douglas, Stephen Singular 
In the early Nineties John Robinson, the 
world's first Internet serial killer, redefined 
the stalking ground for psychotics by find- 
ing his victims online instead of in dark 
alleys. To nab him in 2000, authorities 
had to trust emerging technology to track 
his movements and reconstruct evidence 
from his hard drive. The authors, a former 
FBI veteran and a journalist, examine how 
Robinson used the Net's anonymity to 
create a “new criminal reality.” But they 
do a much better job of 
building a credible anal- tá 
ysis than weaving a sus- 
penseful story. Bizarre 
habits and con jobs pro- 
vide the most fascinating 
moments. (Scribner) vv 
—Jason Buhrmester 


HEY NOSTRADAMUS! * Douglas Coupland 
More than a decade after he coined the 
term Generation X, Coupland still under- 
stands youthful angst. His ninth novel 
examines four people affected by a 
Columbine-style massacre that occurs in 
Canada (though Canadian teens haven't 
displayed the murderous impulses of their 
U.S. counterparts). Each chapter is writ- 
ten in the voice of a different character— 
a high school girl who was killed, her 
lover, his girlfriend 14 years after the mur- 
ders and his estranged 
father. Coupland ex- 


| n-—-— 
plores the relationship | 

between religion and | Oo 
school shootings. Black | 4 
humor keeps the book 

from being a bummer. | 
(Bloomsbury) vvv cae 


—Patty Lamberti 


LAPDANCER * Juliana Beasley 

Our casualsex survey in this issue reveals 
that the vast majority of the respondents 
don't believe a lap dance constitutes sex. 
If you had any doubt, Beasley's look at the 
lives of friction-for-hire fantasy girls will 
eliminate it. She tells of bruised knees, 
Advilfueled muscles and endless search- 
es for costumes, 
tanning beds and 
пай salons. She sup- 
ports this vision of 
bump and grind with 
dozens of pictures 
of customers and 
the girls they adore. 
(Powerhouse) ¥¥ 
—James R. Petersen 


Bombay Sapphire Martini 
by Viadimir Kagan 


SAPPHIRE INSPIRED 


пЛауБ оу у 


NEWSGIRLS GONE WILD 


Playboy IV's The Weekend Flash is news, 
entertainment and weather—without all 
that bothersome clothing. We stopped 
by the studio, where news anchor Kitt 
Pomidoro, weather girl Michelle McAn- 
drews and entertainment correspondent 
Janelle Perry had just completed The 
Weekend Flash's 
100th episode. 
PLAYBOY: What's 
the worst thing 
that can happen 
on camera when 
you're stripping 
while delivering 
the top story? 
MICHELLE: ГЇЇ be 
trying to act sexy 
and then do some- 
thing stupid like 
trip or fall down. 
Sometimes I get 
tied into these 
bathing suits that 
I can't get off, 
and then I’m so 
distracted that I 
blow my lines and 
miss cues. 
PLAYBOY: Does 
nude reporting 
give new mean- 
ing to the term 
bad hair day? 
MICHELLE: You 
have no idea! On 
our website, we 
get crazy feed- 
back about our 
pubic hair. Peo- 
ple are enthralled with the various styles 
and cuts. I once had a lightning bolt 
shaved in down there, which they loved. 
Now I have a racing stripe. 

xrrr: I'm sporting a little more hair than 
Michelle. I just did a story on the Gucci 
G cut—it's all the rage. 

PLAYBOY: What's the sexiest subject you 
report on? 


warm front and a full 


"hard news." 


кутт: Money. I like watching the market 
go up and down. 

PLAYBOY: The Weekend Flash has featured 
interviews with Nappy Roots and Insane 
Clown Posse. Not that you have to be 
hard-hitting with most rock stars, but do 
you have journalism degrees? 
MICHELLE: I don't. I worked in several 


News team strips on television while reporting the day's events. 
Viewer feedback positive. Above: Extra, extral The Weekend 
Flash weather girl Michelle McAndrews predicts an unusually 


moan. Right: Correspondent Kitt Pomidoro 


fires off the tough questions and gives new meaning ta the term 
Here’s aur questian: How was onetime guest 
Steve Guttenberg considered cool enough ta get grilled by Kitt? 


dental offices in Orange County be- 
fore I got this job. When 1 heard 
about the casting call, I was so excited 
For the audition, I cut out snowflakes 
and pasted them to my boobies. I think 
that sealed the deal. 

KITT: I went to school to be a newscast- 
er, but I never finished, because I found 
out how much money you can make as a 


model. I spent a few years modeling in 
Tokyo, then became a professional 
cheerleader for the Rams and the Clip- 
pers. After that, I worked on a sports 
show in Chicago. 
PLAYBOY: If Tom Brokaw were to stop by 
your homes unannounced, what would 
he find you doing? 
xrrr: Walking around naked. I walk 
around my house nude all the time. It’s 
natural. But [ have to be careful, or else 
I'll end up in front of the windows or out 
on the balcony butt-naked. 

: Michelle, are you as much of an 
ionist as Kitt? 
MICHELLE: Гт extremely comfortable in 
the buff, but when I'm not working, I'm 
definitely more conservative. Nobody 
notices me. 
кїтт: Or so she thinks! 
PLAYBOY: We're definitely pro-bush, but 
where do you two stand on the Bush 
administration? 
MICHELLE: I'm pro-Bush and extremely 
patriotic 
krrr: I might not agree with the presi- 
dent all the time, but I think Bush and 


Dick in the White House is a good com- 
bo, don't you? 
Watch Kitt, Michelle and Janelle strip down 
on The Weekend Flash every Friday, Satur- 
day and Sunday night at 7:30 ET/9:30 PT 
on Playboy TV. 


NEWSCASTERS 


Domn $ 


Lisa Guerrero Coles, The B 


WE'D LIKE TO SEE NAKED 


Barba ara Walters 


Celebrating the golden anniversary of America’s performance icon. 


ae 


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LUDACRIS, CAMERA, ACTION! 


Asa star of the high-octane street-rac- 
ing sequel 2 Fast 2 Furious, motormouth 
rapper Ludacris drove the highway's 
hottest wheels. But that’s nothing com- 
pared with the wild ride he took in our 
Chicago photo studio. As Playboy.com 
celebrity guest photographer, he took a 
test spin with Krystal Tamburino, a gal 
with a chassis that would get any guy's 


Nancie Tyler Le Birth date: June 29, 
1975. Hot for teacher: “I have a degree 
in English literature and I'm striving 
for a master's in education. Eventually, 
ГЇЇ teach high school.” Crowded house; 
“I'm the 11th child out of 12—and the 
last single girl.” Greatest weekend get- 
away: “Swimming topless with my girl- 
friends in Vegas. There's nothing like 


being naked in the water.” To-do list; 


“Going to the Mansion and meeting 

” Favorite superhero: "Wonder 
Woman. She uses a golden lasso to tie up 
men—need I say more?” Favorite food: 
“My father's homemade pho, a Viet- 
namese soup. I grew up on it.” What to 
get her at the bar: “A lemon drop shot 
made with Ketel One vodka.” When 
she's not modeling, you'll find her: “At 
the beach, reading a book and basking 
in my teeny bikini 


pistons pumping. Luda's 
next gig? “I'm gonna re- 
quest La Toya Jackson,” 
he says. Here's what else 
he said on se 

Who is the most beautiful 
woman on the planet? 

“I hate to be like every- 
body else, but Halle Berry 
takes the cake.” 

Who was your teenage fan- 
tasy girl? 

“Janet Jackson. I like 
Janet with more weight on 
her, though. She's a little 
too skinny for me now.” 

Besides Halle and Janet. 
what kind of woman turns 
your head? 

“Someone with a strong 
mind and nice feet. I can't mess with her 
unless her toes are pretty. A big butt is a 
catch. Yeah, I'm a sucker for a big ass.” 

Whats your take on older women? 

“They're the best. Women don't reach 
their sexual peak until they’re in their 
30s. Older women tend to control me, 
and I love that. Once, two women blind- 
folded and handcuffed me. That was the 
greatest experience.” 


COUNTDOWN 
TO THE 50TH 


fifty years of covers at playboy.com 


THE FIFTIES 
The magazine's de- 
but features Mari- 
lyn Monroe waving. 
As the decade goes 
on, Art Director Art 
Paul turns the Rob- 
bit Head into one of 
the world's most rec- 
ognizable symbols. 


THE SEVENTIES 
The emphasis shifts 
to photography ond 
beautiful models, 
including Playmotes 
and A-list celebri- 
ties such os Borbra 
Streisand, Farrah 
Fawcett-Majors and 
Dolly Parton. 


THE NINETIES 
It's the decade of 
women who need 
no last names: su- 
per-Centerfolds 
Pomela, Jenny and 
Anna Nicole and 
supermodels Steph- 
anie, Cindy, Naomi 
and Elle. 


THE SIXTIES 
Playful porody de- 
signs evoke old film 
posters and fine art. 
We challenge the 
reader by hiding 
the Rabbit Head 
on the cover. The 
tradition continues 
to this day. 


THE EIGHTIES 
New Art Director 
Tom Staebler re- 
conceives the jacket 
with models as the 
centerpieces. 
Celebrities—Bo 
Derek,Christie 
Brinkley—become 
cover staples. 


PLAYBOY 


NOW 

Stars steal the spot- 
light, with most of 
the covers devoted 
to celebrities such 
as Kristy Swanson, 
Kylie Box, Gabrielle 
Reece, Tia Carrere, 
Carmen Electra and 
Jaime Bergman. 


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ЇР... personal 


Cadillac Goes Topless 


If the Caddy emblem weren't so prominent in our photo, you might think the new XLR roodster above is next year's Có Corvette, 
Forget everything you knew about the Allante. Cadillac finally got it right. We tested the XLR on mountain roads outside Palm Springs. 
Its electronic suspension and race-bred disc brokes let us slalom through turns like Bode Miller. Lighter ond more powerful thon a 
Mercedes-Benz 51500, the $76,200 XLR is priced well under its Teutonic competitor's base price. Want road muscle? Under the hood 
is a 320-horsepower Northstor V8. In cruise mode, the five-speed transaxle shifts automatically. But for real fun; select Driver Shift 
Control —tap the shifter knob and instantly get the gear you want. A feature called Performance Algorithm Shifting motches engine 
speed for downshifts and powers up when you noil it to change gears faster than you could manually. All this plus ABS, Magnetic Ride 
Control (it chonges suspension settings in milliseconds) and a StobiliTrok antiskid system. The folding power top leaves room for two 
golf bags. Inside is aluminum and eucalyptus-wood trim, a six-disc stereo and big-screen navigation. We'll take ours in silver, 


Ride to Live, 
Live to Cook 


There are no recipes for roodkill in 
Biker Billy’s Hog Wild on а Horley 
Cookbook, but you will leorn the 
secrets of Josh Placa’s Grandpa's 
Ой Pan Stew, Jerry Brown's 
Greased Chicken Rims and Wyott 
Barbee's H-D Chili. They're just 
some of the 200 dishes served up 
by Harley riders who contributed 
“fiercely flavorful recipes to kick- 
start your home cooking.” Wash 
everything down—and get the bugs 
out of your teeth—with Michoel 
Pogan's High Octane Mortinis or 
Biker Patriot Uncle John’s Nasty 
Black Coffee (you brew it in o 
"stoined and chipped enomel cof- 
feepot"). Not everything in the book 
is grease and gravel. The Wild Fire 
H.O.G. Chapter in Peshtigo, Wis- 
consin contributed o recipe for sug- 
or cookies. Price: $19.95. Horvord 
Common Press is the publisher. 


_ NEEI 


YOUR HAND, 


Here Come 

the Gurkhas Jesse 1. Martin 

Pound for pound, When it comes to style, | 

Gurkhas ore Law and Order's Jesse 

probably the L. Mortin is old school. 

finest infantrymen ге always been 

in the world. They drawn to timeless, 

are recruited in well-toilored suits. Who 

Nepal, ond the doesn't want to own an 

battle cry of these Armani? I'm also crozy 

short, wiry bug- about Hugo Boss and 

gers—"Ayo New York designer D.L. 

Gurkhalil” ("Here Cerney, who creates 

come the Forties retro clothes 

Gurkhas!”}—has with o twist. | wear hats 

caused mony an oll the time, but my fa 

enemy soldier to vorite orticle of cloth- 

flee rather than ing—olso retro—is a 

fight. The same great-looking baseball 

war whoop will jersey thot was a gift 

initiate a different from David Duchovny when I appeored on The X Files. He 

response when also had shirts mode for me with the nome of the episode, 

you breok opena ‘The Unnatural,’ on them, | love those shirts to death. | hove 

box of Gurkha long arms ond long legs, so most of my clothes have to be 
Moster Select, a superpremium cigar that’s os strong os a tailored. My casuol look is urban fatigues: well-worn jeans, 
kukri—the rozor-sharp knife that Gurkhos carry. The sneokers—mosily retro Nikes—ond othletic gear, even though 
smokes are aged for two yeors ond come in bundles of all I'm doing is wolking the streets of New York.” 
25, pocked in elegant locquered mohogany boxes with M 
numbered bross plates. Very clubby, old boy. Six sizes 
of Gurkhas ore ovailable, and only 3000 boxes ore 
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Whe Playboy Advisor 


Ive heard about new pills that are sim- 
ilar to Viagra. Any information?—R.R., 
Washington, D.C. 

You can never have too many penis pills. 
Men who have been disappointed by Viagra 
may find inspiration in Cialis and Levitra, 
which are expected to be on the market before 
the end of the year (they're already available 
in Europe and via the online black market). 
In trials both pills appeared to work faster 
and last longer than Viagra. Many men also 
reported fewer side effects such as headaches. 
The most promising aspect of Cialis is that it 
can be taken as long as 12 hours before sex 
and lasts up to 24 hours; Viagra and Levit- 
ra must be taken within 60 minutes and last 
up lo five hours. and Levitra also can 
be taken оп a full stomach—so go ahead and 
treat her to a burger first. 


What is the protocol when you find 
nude photos of a female acquaintance 
online? She's someone 1 know fairly well 
and would like to bang. My hours of 
porn surfing haven't been a waste after 
all.—J.W., Kansas City, Missouri 

Are you sure that is the same woman? We 
haven't seen the site, but we're guessing it’s a 
fantasy created to make money and not re- 
flective of her personal sluttiness. Rather 
than being indiscriminate about who she 
“bangs,” you may find her wary—and weary 
—of your interest. Ask her out, but let her 
make the first mention of her business. If you 
come across as another one of her drooling 
fans, the only way you'll see more of her is 
with a credit card. 


it OK to masturbate while wearing 
boxing gloves?—R.G., Chicago, Illinois 
Sure. Knock yourself out. 


М, best friend went to the Caribbean 
for his honeymoon. One day he got a 
massage. He told me that the masseuse 
“hooted” him—that is, she squeezed his 
penis. Embarrassed, he ignored the ges- 
ture. The masseuse continued the mas- 
sage as if nothing had happened. Was 
she sending a signal that she'd be willing 
to give him some X-rated attention? If 
so, what's the proper response?—M.K., 
Somerville, Massachusetts 

Have you already booked your flight? Be- 
fore we hear from any outraged masseuses, 
let's say first that you should never expect— 
or request—a happy ending. We've enjoyed 
hundreds of massages over the years and 
have never been hooted. Then again, we 
don't find our masseuses in the sports section 
of the newspaper. There is no secret meaning 
to a woman grabbing your cock, in any con- 
text. It means what you think it means. The 
best response, if thal sort of thing interests 
you, is, "That felt nice.” 


Which provide the better results—free 
weights or machines? 1 say there is no 
difference; my father says that a bar- 
bell and a bench are all he needs.—K.O., 
Chesapeake, Virginia 

Studies have not shown a significant dif- 
ference—your muscles don't care what pro- 
vides the resistance. Free weights engage 
more muscles than a machine because you 
must balance and control the load. They also 
give you more flexibility to design exercises 
specific to your sport, especially for the lower 
body. They're less expensive, take up less 
space and work with every body type. How- 
ever, they take more time to adjust, which can 
slow down your workout, and usually re- 
quire a spotter. Machines are more comfort- 
able for most people; free weights seem rishi- 
er to beginners. Some people prefer hybrids 
such as Bowflex, which provides resistance 


through flexible rods and handles. 


1 ran into my ex and her new boyfriend 
ata restaurant. She began to flirt with 
me as if he wasn't there and even asked 
me out for the next day. But when 1 
showed up at the bar she'd suggested, 
she had her boyfriend with her. She 
again flirted and this time asked me to 
lunch. I called in the morning to confirm 
and she said she couldn't make it. What's 
my next move?—].T., Orlando, Florida 

You don't have one. Your ex is playing you 
for cheap thrills or to make her boyfriend 
jealous—probably both. 


A reader wrote in March to complain 
that his girlfriend drags him to wedding 
and baby showers. You advised him to 
stick it out. I'm a 32-year-old single wom- 
an who has been invited to these events 


ILLUSTRATION BY ISTVAN BANYAL 


since I was 12. Seven years ago I started 
boycotting them. I could no longer toler- 
ate how much it sucked to be in a room 
full of women oohing and aahing over 
crocheted favors. Women want guys to 
attend for one reason: We think it will 
be more tolerable. Don’t cave. You'll still 
get laid. Being male is your get-out-of- 
showers card. —S.M., Brick, New Jersey 

A few male readers joined you in challeng- 
ing our response. It's a risky business. 


The other night I met this hot bartend- 
er at the corner pub and asked her out. 
She said she worked weekends but that 
1 could visit her at work. I know what 
you're going to say: Meeting bartenders 
is like meeting strippers—they're inter- 
ested as long as you're buying, How can 
1 talk to her so I don't come off as anoth- 
er jerk trying to get into her pants? — 
A.P, Fort Benning, Georgia 

You're not trying to get into her pants? 
Give her more time to size you up, then ask 
her out for coffee or lunch. If she says she al- 
so works days. take the hint. 


I realize most long-distance relation- 
ships fizzle, but my girlfriend and I were 
OK for two years before we recently be- 
gan hitting a few rocks. Any suggestions 
how 1 can improve things?—PL., Fort 
Walton Beach, Florida 

Move. 


Besides during the national anthem, 
when is it not OK to wear a baseball 
cap?—T.P, Boston, Massachusetts 

Remove your hat whenever you're indoors, 
except while watching sports. 


In April you wrote, “There is no method 
to increase the size of your cock outside 
of surgery.” I guess you've never heard 
of jelqing. It works, but it's a pain to set 
aside 30 minutes six days a week to do 
it. I jelged for a couple of months. The 
increase was especially noticeable in the 
flaccid state, with the most pronounced 
growth near the head. One must jelq 
regularly to keep the gain, and there is 
potential for serious injury if you're 
overzealous.—M.N., Walters, Oklahoma 

Your experience with this risky and un- 
proven method, which involves “milking” 
your penis regularly for months, is unusual. 
Why not spend that three hours a week on 
something productive, like volunteering at a 
homeless shelter, or therapy? 


Your attitude toward penis enlargement 
is uninformed. I used moist heat, mas- 
sage and stretching daily for two years to 
go from six to seven inches. In the flac- 
cid state I now have a nice bulge. The 


45 


boost to my confidence, not to mention 
the satisfaction of the ladies, is immea- 
surable.—H.M., Stockton, California 

We can measure it. If it's tied to your pe- 
nis size, it’s still low. 


How about a woman's perspective? Per- 
sonally, 1 can't handle more than five 
and a half inches. Most of my friends 
prefer small to average because sex is 
less likely to be painful. Guys, keep 
looking for a woman who appreciates 
you and your size. Odds are you'll find 
one—S.B., Abingdon, Maryland 
Thanks for that dose of reality. 


PLAYBOY 


You reported in March that researchers 
had found a correlation between index 
fingers and penis size in a sampling of 52 
men. From my experiences with 15 to 20 
men, a man with fuller lips is likely to 
have a thick penis. Guys with low, deep 
voices tend to be larger. The largest men 
Гуе been with were slow-moving fellows 
with relaxed walk and speech patterns. 
The smaller guys had competitive per- 
sonalities (i.e., they got into more fights 
as kids). Perhaps with practice, a man 
could give off the vibe that he has a big 
penis. Experienced women would pick 
up on it—G.G., Birmingham, Alabama 
‘As they say, walk softly and carry a big 
stick. Thal's enough penis letters for this 
month. Or maybe this year. 


Do you remember that 1989 Porsche 
Speedster owned by Nicolas Cage that 
was stolen and dumped into the Lake of 
the Ozarks? It had only 100 miles on it. 1 
read the other day that the thief got five 
years in prison. He ripped out the stereo 
before pushing the $100,000 black beau- 
ty into the drink. The windshield was 
crushed and the convertible roof was 
torn half off. Can a Porsche in that con- 
dition be restored? Five years wasn't 
long enough for that punk Н.Т, New 
York, New York 

We tracked the Speedster, one of only 802 
made, to Jerry Hawken of Hawken Paint 
and Body in Osage Beach, Missouri, who 
bought it from Cage's insurance company. 
Hawken won't reveal what he paid but says 
salvage jobs typically run 15 percent to 25 
percent of retail. He cleaned off the mud, 
drained the fluids (“The transmission fluid 
was like honey”) and repaired the suspen- 
sion. He had the gauges rebuilt, replaced the 
computer, electrical components and head- 
lights and next plans to straighten the dam- 
aged panels and replace the $4000 wind- 
shield. “People see the car and say, What a 
shame," he says, "bul I'm optimistic. Aud I 
have a clean title signed by Nicolas Cage.” 


A guy wrote in April to say that when his 
wife isn't in the mood, he cradles his 
erection between her butt checks. My 
girlfriend and I enjoy something similar. 
She lies on me facing the ceiling. With a 
46 good sweat going, we don't need lubrica- 


tion, just sliding and grinding. It puts 
me in а great position to fondle her 
breasts, ass and clit—S.C., Dallas, Texas 

A reader from Philadelphia tells us the po- 
sition is known as slip-dogging. 


My girlfriend wants a tattoo—two eye- 
balls, one for each buu cheek. I don't 
want to look at that bullshit every time 
we're doing it doggy style. What should 
I do?—B.Z., New York, New York 

Pretend you're getting a blow job. If she's 
serious about this (which we doubt), keep her 
sober: If she goes through with it, stock up on 
crotchless panties. 


What do you think about putting speak- 
ers in the ceiling? I can't find anyone 
who can tell me why I shouldn’t—J-L., 
Colorado Springs, Colorado 

The advantage of an overhead mount is 
that the ceiling becomes an effective baffle. 
The disadvantage is that it’s hard to fine- 
tune the position of speakers (or a sub- 
woofer) when they're fixed in plasterboard. 
The project will be a challenge if you don't 
have an attic or crawl space for the back 
boxes and generously spaced trusses. Many 
manufacturers sell mounting kils, or you can 
buy custom speakers that can be adjusted by 
motor or hand. We'd install some, but we've 
already used the space for sex cams. 


The skin around my asshole is sort of 
brown. My boyfriend says it’s normal, 
but he's just trying to make me feel bet- 
ter. Lam a very clean person. Is there a 
way to make my anus go back to its nat- 
ural pink? I've heard you can bleach it. 
Please help.—L.T., Houston, Texas 
gined we'd write these words 
in the Advisor, but here they are: Do not 
bleach your anus. Despite rumors that ass- 
hole brightening is the latest Hollywood 
craze, it’s a stunt that belongs in the next 
Jackass movie, not in your bedroom. Your 
boyfriend is right. Brown is your natural 
color, although your anus may appear more 
pink when you're aroused. 


I met a gorgeous woman at a party. As 
we spoke, I noticed her touching her 
neck in the area where her blouse button 
would be. Any idea what that meant?— 
R.T., San Diego, California 

She wanted you. Or she lost her necklace. 
Hard to say. Men tend to overestimate wom- 
en's interest, especially if they aren't getting 
laid. Princeton researchers asked 285 adults 
lo interpret everyday behavior for signs of. 
horniness, They found that “basically, if a 
woman goes oul and stands anywhere, some 
men are gaing to think she's fairly int 
in sex right now.” Women, meanwhile, 
about always get the sexual intent of men 
right.” (Well, how hard is that?) For more 
insight, we turned lo an expert in reading 
body language, Mike Caro of PlanetPoker. 
com. Years ago he and another poker champ, 
Doyle Brunson, developed a system they call 
quick bonding. “You need to come across as 


somewhat mysterious in an intellectual 
way,” Caro explains. “Don't say too much at 
first, but convey the impression that there 
might be a lot for her to peel away and dis- 
cover. For example, if I were to notice a wom- 
an louching her neck, | would walk past 
slowly, catch her eye, smile sincerely and say 
confidently, ‘Don't worry about it. It’s fine." 
There's a good chance your cryptic, caring, 
conspiratorial remark will connect in some 
way to her subconscious gesture, and you'll 
gel credit for having perceived thai connec- 
tion even if you're clueless. In my experience, 
the woman often will track you down to in- 
vestigate.” As usual, it’s not the cards you 


hold but how you play them. 


M, girlfriend just went on the pill. How 
long should we wait before I stop usin 
condoms?—K.W., Ann Arbor, Michigan 
Wait until she's gone through one month- 
ly cycle of pills. Keep in mind that even with 
perfect use (and only about a quarter of 
women manage that), up to five women in 
1000 get pregnant within a year. With im- 
perfect use, the number rises to as many as 
seven in 100. If your girlfriend misses a dose 
(she takes a pill for the first 21 of every 28 
days, followed by a placebo), use a backup 
method for at least seven days of active pills. 


In May a woman asked how to decp- 
throat her husband. Here's a trick that 
works for me: About five minutes prior, 
I suck on a cough drop. That numbs 
my throat, which allows me to take him 
deeper than I thought possible.—H.]., 
Fontana, California 

Thanks for the tip. It's women like you 
who get us up in the morning. 


A reader complained in May that his 
girlfriend's smell stays in his nose for 
days after going down on her. He should 
dab lemon juice under his nose. It will 
cancel strong odors.—B.S., Toms River, 
New Jersey 

It also may cancel your chance of getting 
any more action. 


М, friend says a woman should wear 
her panties under the garter. I say they 
are worn over the garter. Who's right?— 
L.C., Bridgeport, West Virginia 

It depends on your date. A good girl wears 
her panties under the garter, so they're hard- 
er to remove. A bad girl doesn't have the pa- 
tience lo unhook her hose. 


All reasonable questions—from fashion, food 
and drink, stereo and sports cars to dating 
dilemmas, taste and etiquette —will be per- 
sonally answered if the writer includes a 
self-addressed, stamped envelope. The most 
interesting, pertinent questions will be pre- 
sented in these pages each mouth. Write the 
Playboy Advisor, ravwov, 680 North Lake 
Shore Drive, icago, Illinois 60611, or 
send e-mail by visiting playboyadvisor.com. 


THE PLAYBOY FORUM 


ooking for a clear case of political 

4 clout run amok? Look no fur- 
ther than Clear Channel Communi- 
cations, owner of more than 1200 ra- 
dio stations, including 60 percent of 
all U.S. rock stations, and the major 
player in 247 of the 250 largest mar- 
kets in the country. After Sep- 
tember 11, Clear Channel cir- 
culated a list to its stations of 
150 songs that corporate ex- 
ecutives deemed too offensive 
or insensitive for the ears of 
traumatized Americans. Pro- 
grammers shelved hits such 
as Soundgarden's Blow Up the 
Outside World, the Gap Band's 
You Dropped a Bomb on Me, Pe- 
ter and Gordon’s / Go to Pieces, 
Third Eye Blind's Jumper, Sug- 
ar Ray's Fly and Elton John's 
Bennie and the Jets. 

‘The list struck us and many 
others as overly sensitive, es 
pecially because it also in- 
cluded John Lennon's Imag- 
ine, Cat Stevens’ Peace Train, 
James Taylor's Fire and Rain, 
Kansas’ Dust in the Wind and 
R.E.M.'s It’s the End of the 
World as We Know It. 

But it also educated people 
quickly on the influence of ra- 
dio giants. This wasn’t official 
censorship, but given the power of 
the near monopoly that Congress has 
granted some media companies with- 
in the past few years, it comes close. 
Clear Channel's reach is the result of 
the Telecommunications Act of 1996, 
a piece of deregulation foisted on the 
country by a Republican-controlled 
Congress and signed by the Demo- 
crat in the White House. 

Because the amount of space on 
the dial is limited, the FCC controls 
through licenses who can broadcast. 
Prior to 1996, a company could own 


no more than two stations in any mar- 
ket, and no more than 40 total. When 
Congress rewrote the law to remove 
those restrictions, Clear Channel be- 
gan snapping up stations. 

Naysayers predicted that the new 
FCC rules would would lead to a 


“mutilation of the community's think- 
ing process.” Freewheeling expres- 
sion over the radio waves would be- 
come format in a can. Tom Petty 
mourned the changing environment 
with a tribute called The Last DJ— 
"There goes the last DJ/ Who plays 
what he wants to play/And says what 
he wants to say/There goes your free- 
dom of choice/There goes the last 
human voice.” 

At Salon.com, Eric Boehlert wrote 
a series of exposés that examined the 
impact of a single entity's controlling 


so much of the public airwaves. Clear 
Channel had become “radio's big bul- 
ly,” he found, playing hardball with 
bands and record companies. To ex- 
tend its influence, the company be- 
gan buying music venues (at last 
count it owned 135 amphitheaters, 
arenas, theaters and clubs) 
and dictating terms to acts 
seeking to tour, all allegedly 
with the veiled threat “Our 
way or no airplay.” Big busi- 
ness? In 2001 Clear Chan- 
nel's promoters sold some 
27 million concert tickets. Its 
closest competitor, House of 
Blues, sold 4 million. This is 
rock and roll, the corporate 
American way. 

As Clear Channel came 
under scrutiny, a fuller pic- 
ture of its political connec- 
tions began to emerge. Was 
anyone surprised to learn 
that Clear's vice chairman is 
Tom Hicks, the man who 
made George W. Bush a mil- 
lionaire by buying baseball's 

хаз Rangers from a group 
of investors that included 
the future president? Or 
that Lowry Mays, Clear's 
chief executive, is another 
‘Texas good old boy? 

During the Iraqi war, Clear Chan- 
nel sponsored Rally for America 
events in 18 cities—an advocacy 
stance that troubled some media crit- 
ics. Glenn Beck, the conservative talk- 
show host who organized the rallies, 
said they were designed to counter 
antiwar dissent and critics who con- 
spired “to marginalize the voices of 
patriotic Americans.” 

The loss of freedom on the nation's 
airwaves is not measured by what 
you hear on the radio, but by what 
you don't hear. 


48 


(€ y (€ a) (4 


CHI 


n his novel The Gilded Age, Mark Twain describes a deadly steamship 
accident in which an investigator concluded, "Nobody to blame." As 
one modern commentator noted, the statement reflected a 19th cen- 

tury legal doctrine (the assumption of risk) that refused to reward people 

who acted carelessly. 

That was then, this is now. These days, everyone has a scapegoat—and, it 
seems, a lawyer to help them profit from their mistakes. Finger-pointing is 
a national pastime, as it was long before we started conducting this exercise 
12 years ago. And yet we have not lost hope. Occasionally we hear about 
stand-up individuals such as Ronnie Steine, vice mayor of Nashville, who 
owned up to.stealing a $7.50 pack of trading cards. “I did something 

he told reporters. “It was a mistake. I'm not a kleptomaniac. I'm an 
Or Tom Regan, the Atlanta television newscaster who muttered “a 
horrible obscenity” into a live microphone while a taped segment aired dur- 
ing the evening. news. “My comment was incredibly stupid, and I make no 
excuses for But such admissions are rare. James Watson, one of the sci- 
entists who helped discover the structure of DNA, says advancements in 
gene therapy could someday eliminate stupid people. But that's not neces- 
sarily a good thing. Who would we have to write about? 


Cy GF 4) 


| THE BLAMELESS 


Reed Slatkin 


Rob Brown 


Edward Mezvinsky 


| Lincoln Diaz-Balart 


Jae Zarelli 


Dominick Steo 


Elizabeth Roach 


Daniel Hadley 


Dr. Marcos Ramos 


Nathan Powell 


Anita Durrett 


James Bond 


Seong Sil Kim 


Geremie Hoff 


Lorry Harris 


Marjorie Knoller 


| John Remley 
| 


Greg DeLozier 


| John Park 


| Phyllis Engleson 


Edward Ludoescher 


| Lendell Quint 


THE PROBLEM 


Internet mogul pled guilty to fraud in 
$255 million Ponzi scheme. 


[for uma 
(€ a) (€ ™ (€ 2) (€ з) 
WHAT YOU MIGHT THINK 


Disconnect him. 


While fleeing police, drove to his death off end 
of bridge under construction. 


Flashing lights? Sirens? Pull over, 
dude. 


Police, for forcing Brown to drive into 
work zone (father sues). 


Former congressman convicted of fraud 
totaling $10.4 million. 


Congressman waited eight months to refund 
illegal campaign contributions. 
Im | 


for and received unemployment while 
earning salary as Woshington state senator. 


Police officer shot himself with his service 
revolver in botched suicide attempt. 


Embezzled $241,061, went on spending spree 
that included $7000 belt buckle. 


Australian teen robbed store ot knifepoint. 


Convicted of indecent assault for conducting 
breast exams on women with neck injuries. 


New Yorker charged with killing celebrated 
Afghan filmmaker, chopping up body. 


Fugitive sex offender ran from detective into 
woods, got frostbite on toes. 


a 
Another corrupt politician. 


No rush, Congressman. 


Antimalaria drug Lariam, taken during 
business trips to Africa (sue drugmaker). 


Postal service. Treasurer says all 45 
checks were lost in mail. 


Politics: as close as you can getto 
not working. 


Sad. 


Unemployment office, which he says 
should have known better. 

Police department, for giving him the 
weapon (sue for $45 million). 


How much was the belt? 


Punk. 


Excessive shopping needed to “self- 
medicate” depression (probation). 


"Caffeine intoxication" from too much 
Red Bull and other drinks (lawyer). 


A little self-control, Doc? 
Psychopath. 


Next time, stay put. 


Preventive medicine. “You never know 
when cancer is going to appear” (lawyer). 


Patriotism and post-traumatic stress from 
September 11. 


Detective, for not arresting him sooner 
{threaten to sue]. 


New Zealand cop struck blind woman in 
crosswalk, brecking her leg. 
Overweight diabetic ate fast food four or five 
days a week, suffered two hear! attacks. 
Shoplifted $266 worth of groceries, fled at 90 
mph, crashed, killed nine-year-old daughte: 


While on work release, stomped on palm 
frond, which partially severed his ear. 


Struck by train after lying on New York City 
subway track. 


Professor spiraled into depression, took early 
retirement from job and became withdrawn. 


The blind go first. 
Did he smoke, too? 
Tragedy. 

Great bar story. 
Lucky to be alive. 


Deep troubles. 


The victim. McKenzie: “I never hit her. 
She walked into my car.” 


Fast-food restaurants. “I had no idea | 
could be damaging my health” (sue). 
Grocery store employees, for chasing 
her from scene (sue). 


Ventura County, for not protecting him 
from palm frond (sue for $1 million). 


Subway train operator, for not braking 
faster (awarded $9.9 million). 


Local beauty salon, for bad hoircut 
(awarded $6000). 


Drunk intruder ignored warnings, electrocuted 
by tavern's window security system. 


Attorney's two dogs mauled a neighbor to 
death. 


Winner of all-you-can-drink contest fell and 
hit head while claiming prize ot tavern. 


Shocking. 
These are pets? 


That's a downer. 


Wearing а ski mask and gloves, stabbed wife 
three times at beauty salon. 


Arrested for drunk driving. 


Bad hair day. 


Dumb move. 


Tripped over a traffic safety cone in Little Falls, 
Minnesota. 


ee 
Watch out for traffic safety cones. 


Tavern owner (Harris family owarded 
$75,000). 

im, for provoking dogs with perfume. 
I wouldn't say it was an “attack.” 


Bar, for serving him too much free booze 
(sue for at least $1 million). 


Relocation stress. “We were moving and 
the pressure was starting to get to me.” 

Misunderstanding. Says he began drink- 
ing only after cop pulled him over. 


The city, for not warning people about 
warning cones (sue). 


Former cop arrested for trying to rob bank. 


Shot wife in leg with .357 Magnum. 


Bad career move. 


Crazy wife-shooter. 


Method acting. Says he was preparing 
for role in police training video. 


Viagro and Chinese food. 


49 


50 


lv 


се 


| Csi 


ear Graduates: 
ment when you were told 


repeatedly about the world of op- 
portunities waiting for you—that 
the investment you and your parents 
made in your education would be re- 
turned a thousandfold? 

Uter crap. The truth is, you are 
royally screwed. 

Аз you've noticed by now, the job 
market has not been worse since 
Bush the Elder was president. 
You're in line behind 8.4 mil- 
lion workers who've lost their 
jobs, vith 2.5 million private 
nonfarm jobs lost on the presi- 
dent's watch. The only workers 
the federal government's poli- 
cies are helping are military 
contractors and financial plan- 
ners who can tell the richest 
one percent how to maximize 
their tax refunds. 

The administration keeps 
talking about investing in the 
future. But the president is not 
planning to invest in your fu- 
ture. Bush’s proposed cut on 
the taxes paid on dividends 
would deliver $364 billion to 
those who have already made 
their way in the world. Based 
on 2001's tax returns, Bush 
would pocket an estimated 
$44,500 a year. Cheney would 
save $326,555, which is proba- 
bly one of the smaller paydays 
in an administration full of for- 
mer chief executives. 

Those who have incomes of 
$1 million will get an average 
$90,000 kickback annually, 
enough to buy a Humvee in a 
designer color. For half of all fil- 
ers (e-g., you, should you get a 
job), the refund would return 
less than $100, enough for a Game 
Boy Advance SP (minus the game). 
Most senior citizens would get back 
$89, barely enough to buy a month of 
the prescription drug r—from 
a Canadian pharmacy. 

At the end of the Clinton era, the 
government was projecting a surplus 
of $3 trillion over the next 10 years. 
If he wins a second term, Bush will 
leave the White House having sad- 
dled the country with a projected 


CLASS: 08 


|___what the deficit means to you | the deficitin means = | | what the deficit means to you | 


By Ted Fishman 


deficit and these are government 
statistics, which are always rosy—of 
$2 trillion. The swing from surplus 
to deficit ($5 trillion, give or take) is 
roughly equal to half the value of ev- 
erything made and sold in the U.S. 
in the past year. It will be the most 
money owed by any entity in history. 
The combination of cutting taxes and 
launching the military budget to an 


all-time high will continue to run up 
the nation's bills long after the capital 
gang departs. 

The debt now stands at roughly 
$90,000 per family of four. In five 
years it may be half again that. Servi 
ing that debt, which will be your re- 
sponsibility, will feel a lot like paying a 
mortgage on someone else’s house. 

Say you have been lucky enough to 
find a good job. Look at your pay- 
check. Alter Bill Clinton raised taxes, 


in part to pay down the debt, the 
economy picked up and tax revenue 
increased markedly. For a few years 


it looked as if the perennial predic- 
tion that Social Security was doomed 
would be proved wrong. Social Secu- 
rity is again in danger, and the crisis 
will hit long before you see your first 
retirement check. Instead, it will hit 
when your parents become eligible. 
When the government cannot pay 
your parents’ checks, their care and 
feeding will fall entirely on you 

Now might be a good time to 
start planning that home addi- 
tion—the one where your par- 
ents will live when their money 
runs out. That is, if you can af- 
ford a house. When the gov- 
ernment spends vast amounts 
of money it doesn't have, it 
needs to borrow increasingly 
vast amounts to keep up. That 
has a tendency to drive up in- 
terest rates. The last time the 
USS. paid for an expensive war 
was Vietnam. At the time, the 
U.S. hunger for money upset 
world credit markets so severe- 
ly that it took 20 years to recov- 
er. Interest rates ran as high as 
17 percent. Don't have a mort- 
gage yet? Imagine one with 
almost triple the monthly pay- 
ment. Think small. 

Don't expect the government 
to Build a Better Tomorrow. 
Once, Washington invested 
heavily in science, education 
and the arts. The space pro- 
gram was once the pride of 
America, not an underfunded 
studio for disaster footage. Ad- 
vances science were made 
routinely in great public labs by 
ientists who went to college 
with government help. As 
money grows tighter, the government 
will play a decreasing role in seeding 
the future. 

Debt creates a future in which the 
government works against our best 
ideas of ourselves. If this trend con- 
tinues, we may end up with the sort of 
government we fear most—one where 
our resources go into keeping order. 
All it will be able to do effectively is 
police and pun 


George W. Bush stole your future. 


READER RESPONSE 


WAS IT RAPE? 

In May The Playboy Forum 
discussed a California Su- 
preme Court decision that 
dealt with postpenetration 
rape (“Rape or Regre 
ing a party Laura T., a 17- 
year-old girl, ended up in a 
room alone with 17-year-old 
John 
John Z. began kissing her, got 
оп top of her and penetrated 
her, during which she said 
nothing. After he rolled over 
so she was sitting on top of 
him, Laura testified that she 
“kept pulling up, trying to sit 
up to getit out and he grabbed 
my hips and pushed me back 
down.” She told him repeated- 
ly that she wanted to go home. 
The justices voted six to one 
that John 7. had raped Laura 

You suggested that your 
readers should be outraged 
about the court's decision. We 
are, but for different reasons. 

You say the ruling means, “A 
person who consents to sex 
may claim 'postpenetration rape if 
she changes her mind midstroke, 
even if she fails to communicate the 
change of heart.” This case says no 
such thing. Rather, it clarifies the law 
in California: If a woman consents to 
“initial penetration and then with 
draws her consent during an act of 
intercourse, but the male continues 
against her will,” it is rape. Surely this 
is a reasonable premise. All of us can 
imagine circumstances under which, 
for whatever reason— physical pain, a 
boyfriend pounding on the door or a 
change of heart—we might wish to 
cease and desist sexually. 

Six of seven justices concluded that 
“substantial evidence shows Laura 
withdrew her consent and, through 
her actions and words, communicat- 
ed that fact.” She told John during 
the act that “I don’t want to do this.” 
How much clearer does it get? She 
further attempted to stop intercourse 
by telling him three times that she 
needed to go home. When he wouldn't 
stop (instead telling her, “Just give 
mea minute"), she reiterated, “No, 1 
need to get home.” 

You focus on the lone dissenting 
opinion of Justice Janice Brown, who 
contended that Laura did not “offi- 
cially” tell John that she didn't want 


FOR THE RECORD 


PUSSY FOOT 


“Attaching a story to a shoe to sell it makes a 
great deal of sense, but attaching a hot woman 
to ashoe? God!” 

—James Twitchell, an advertising professor at 

the University of Florida, criticizing Pony shoe 


advertisements that feature porn stars. 


to have sex, and that her words and 
actions did not sufficiently commu- 
nicate her unwillingness. Justice 
Brown's opinion is disturbing. It im- 
plies that Laura's actions prior to 
the incident—which included being 
alone in a dark room with men and 
kissing them—are relevant to the 
question of Laura's consent to inter- 
course. They are not. Agreeing to 
one form of sexual activity in no way 
obligates someone to another form. 
Those who attack the strength of 
Laura’s dissent to sex may be miss- 
ing the point. Sex without consent is 
always a crime. 

Delilah Rumburg 

National Sexual Violence 

Resource Center 
Enola, Pennsylvania 
Do you seriously argue that “I need to 

gel home” carries the same message as 
“Slop. This is таре”? Have you never kept 
a lover in bed in the morning, despite 
protestations of “I need to get to work”? 
Laura said lots of things that night. "I 
don't want to do this” was part of a discus- 
sion about “respect” and the future of the 
“relationship,” such as it was. John did 
not hear “withdrawal of consent” in her 
words. Neither did Laura T's two girl- 
friends, who, after hearing from Laura 
what happened, concluded that she had 


not been raped. Neither did 
the judge who filed the dissent. 
15 every such ambiguous act 
to be decided by committee 


er à panel of judges after 
Ё? he fact? 


IN THE NAME OF TERROR 

Iraq's torture chambers 

now stand empty. But few 

know about the Bush ad- 
ration's own murky 
i sition on torture. Two 
Î Afghan men—a 22-year-old 
Î taxi driver named Dilawar 
and 30-year-old Mullah Ha- 
bibullah—were in U.S. cus- 
tody in Bagram, Afghani- 
stan in December when they 
died. A medical examiner 
concluded the deaths were 
homicides involving “blunt 
force injuries.” The federal 
government has promised 
to investigate the circum- 
stances of the deaths. 

What happened to these 

two men? 

Although the Bush ad- 
ministration has stated it honors in- 
ternational laws that ban torture, it 
has apparently not ruled out what it 
calls “stress-and-duress” techniques. 
Former U.S. detainees say that they 
were hooded, deprived of sleep, food 
and medical care, exposed to extreme 
heat or cold or had their arms chained 
to the ceiling. 

Ifthe allegations are true, the meth- 
ods clearly violate the international 
pro ion on torture and cruel, in- 
humane and degrading treatment of 
prisoners. The failure of U.S. officials 
to issue a categorical denial that our 
forces engage in this type of behavior 
fuels the perception that such abuse is 
now acceptable, in the name of fight- 
ing terror. This is reckless and dan- 
gerous, with grave consequences for 
our democracy, 

Alexandra Arriaga 
Amnesty International USA 
Washington, D.C. 


We would like to hear your point of 
view. Send questions, opinions and quirky 
stuff to The Playboy Forum, PLAYBOY, 680 
North Lake Shore Drive, Chicago, Illinois 
60611, e-mail us at forum@playboy.com 
or fax your comments to 312-951-2939. 
Please include a daytime phone number 
and your city and state or province. 


51 


52 


М Е W 


= F R 


O N. T 


what’s happening in the sexual and social arenas 


— PLAYING HOOKER — 


PORDENONE. FTALY—A prostitute ad- 
vocacy group has created a board 
game called Puttanopoly (Whores- 
ville) to help raise money for its cause. 


Each player begins the game with an 
empty bank account and a contract 
that forces him or her to hand over 
90 percent of their earnings to a pimp. 
As they move along the board, play- 
crs encounter police officers, priests, 
spouses and serial killers. The Com- 
mittee for Prostitutes’ Civil Rights 
sells the game for about $50 through 
puttanopoly.com. 


LITTLE ROCK, ARKANSAS—A class- 
mate asked a 14-year-old boy 
was gay. The boy says he replied: 
am, I am. And if I’m not, I'm no 
But when confronted by a vice prin 
pal, the boy admitted he liked males. 
She allegedly told the boy that if he 
didn't inform his parents by the end 
of the day that he was gay, she would. 
The boy asked his guidance coun- 
selor to make the call (the boy's moth- 
er said she was shocked by the news 
but that “this isn't the school's busi- 
ness”). The student claims that his sci- 
ence teacher wrote him a four-page 
letter predicting that he would end 
up in hell, and that an administrator 
made him read aloud a Bible verse 
that condemns homosexuality. The 


school has forbidden the boy, who has 
contacted the ACLU, from discussing 
the topic with classmates. 


SCRANTON, PENNSYLVANIA—Police 
officers called in the bomb squad af- 
ter finding a suspicious package 
addressed to Attorney General John 
Ashcroft. A bomb technician who 
x-rayed the package noted that some- 
thing inside had screws, so he blew 
it up. Turns out the box contained a 
collection of pornography (the screws 
were holding together a videotape). 
“We had porn floating all over down- 
town Scranton,” the technician said. 


== (lle 


WASHINGTON, D.c.—Armed robber 
Ronald Stephenson shot and killed a 
man. He confessed to a friend, who 
went to the police. The cops installed 
a hidden camera inside the friend's 
home. Stephenson again confessed— 
this time boasting that the only way 
he'd get caught would be if the cops 
got him on video. 


NALAN 


WASHINGTON, D.C.—The federal 
government plans to launch a do-not- 
call list for people who don't want to 
hear from telemarketers. Consumers 
will be able to add their names online 
or by calling a toll-free number. Solic- 
itors who call anyone who has regis- 
tered can be fined up to $11,000 per 
violation (charities and pollsters are 
exempt, along with—surprise—poli- 
ticians). An industry group has sued 
to block the law, saying it violates tele- 
marketers’ right to free speech. 


ABOVE AND BEYOND 


LONDON—The human rights group 
Privacy International collected more 
than 5000 nominations for its world’s 
dumbest security measures. The Most 
Inexplicably Stupid Award went to 
Philadelphia International Airport, 
where agents quarantined a room 
after a Saudi college student sprayed 
himself with cologne. San Francisco 
General Hospital earned the Most 
Stupidly Counterproductive Award 


for requiring anybody entering the 
emergency room, including homeless 
people, to show ID. Delta security of- 
ficers at New York's Kennedy Airport 
won the Most Flagrantly Intrusive 
Award for forcing a nursing mother 
to drink her own bottled breast milk 
to prove it wasn't dangerous. 


— OFYESINTHESKY — 


WASHINGTON, D.C.—The Associated 
Press reports that the FBI flies about 
80 spy planes and helicopters at night 
over U.S. cities. Agents track suspects 
with infrared devices, snap surveil- 
lance photos and listen to conversa- 
tions in bugged cars, along bugged 
streets or on cell phones (most of 
these activitics require warrants). An 
ACLU spokesman found the idea 
troubling: “We need to fundamental- 
ly rethink what is a reasonable expec- 
tation of privacy.” 


- YOURPASS ON THE LINE — 


ORLANDO—Early adapters who own 
wireless phones that can snap and 
transmit digital photos aren't all shar- 
ing images of beautiful flowers in the 
park. According to one report out 


of Florida, voyeurs have been using 
camera phones to capture clandestine 
photos of nude people in health club 
locker rooms to post online. Authori 
ties advised gym members to be alert, 
especially when they're naked. 


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плю шнек LOBEY MAGUIRE 


a candid conversation with the soulful superhero about his morphing body (small 
for seabiscuit, big for spider-man), his time in AA and keeping his life private 


Weighing in at 140 pounds, 5-foot 8-inch 
Tobey Maguire isn't that big to begin with. 
To prepare for the role of jockey Red Pollard 
in Seabiscuit, the 28-year-old actor worked 
ош on a mechanical horse to drop another 
20 pounds. Then, in an almost cruel twist, 
immediately after wrapping Seabiscuit, 
Maguire had to bulk back up for The Amaz- 
ing Spider-Man, the sequel to the 2002 
blockbuster that grossed $800 million. 

Before he became а superhero, Maguire 
had carved out a niche in art-house cinema, 
portraying brooding but moral young men in 
The Ice Storm, The Cider House Rules and 
Wonder Boys, holding his own with such es- 
tablished leading men as Kevin Kline, 
Michael Caine and Michael Douglas. Then 
in 2002 he took on Willem Dafoe's sinister 
Green Goblin in Spider-Man, becoming one 
of the quirkiest action heroes in memory. 
“Maguire will never be the traditional hunk 
that studios prefer in these kinds of parts,” 
wrote Kenneth Turan in the Los Angeles 
Times, “but the appropriateness of hi: 
creaky-voiced sincerity, the very ordinariness 
of his offheat charisma, turns him into the 
most convincing of Spider-Men 

Maguire was born and raised in southern 
California, where his young, unwed parents 
worked as a cook and a secretary. They mar- 
ried two years later, and soon divorced. 


“I went through a period when I was embar- 
rassed, like when my mom would pay for food 
with food stamps. I didn't have many friends. 
1 just didn't want to deal with it, I prided 
myself on that." 


When he enrolled in a home economics class 
in junior high, Maguire's mother bribed him 
with $100 to take drama instead. It changed 
his life. Maguire dropped out of school after 
the 10th grade to pursue roles in commer- 
cials and TV shows. He later hung out with 
his buddy Leonardo DiCaprio and a crowd 
of young Los Angeles actors dubbed the 
Pussy Posse by tabloids. Maguire and Di- 
Caprio both auditioned with Robert De Niro 
for a part in This Boy's Life in 1993. Al- 
though DiCaprio snagged the lead, he 
helped his friend land a small role. A series 
of critically lauded movies followed, but it 
took Spider-Man to make Maguire a major 
star Nou, with Seabiscuit, based on Laura 
Hillenbrand's best-seller, and next summer's 
Spider-Man sequel, he joins the ranks of 
Hollywood's highest-paid actors (reportedly 
$26 million for two Spidey sequels). Con- 
tributing Editor David Sheff went to Ma- 
guire's West Hollywood office, where the 
actor, with a few days’ stubble and a smol- 
dering cigar stub in his mouth, arrived after 
a day of performing back flips while hanging 
from the ceiling on wires. 


PLAYBOY: Spider-Man is larger than life, 
whereas jockeys are tiny. Does going 
from one to the other and back again 
wreak havoc on your body? 


“AA is no-frills spirituality. There are no 
hokey traditions. It’s just all practical. I'm 
an analylical guy. 1 come in, 1 ask for help. 
You could be brainless and do it. You do what 
they ask you to do and shit happens.” 


MAGUIRE: There isn't much difference in 
the physical requirements for a jockey 
and Spider-Man. I did have to lose 
weight for Seabiscuit. Most people don't 
Know it, but jockeys are incredibly 
strong. 1 didn’t think of it that way when 
1 was a Kid. Most of these guys weigh un- 
der 115 pounds and yet they have to 
control incredibly powerful racehorses 
that weigh 2000 pounds. The jockey is at 
ing, pushing and reining in the 
animal, using his legs, arms, upper body, 
back and shoulders. They are small, but 
ripped and muscular. 
PLAYBOY: Had you had much experience 
with horses before Seabiscuit? 
MAGUIRE: I love horses, though it's a 
guilty pleasure. 1 feel badly about put- 
Ung my body weight on an animal and 
asking it to carry me around. 1 probably 
wouldn't appreciate it if somett 
climbing on my back. Before thi 
made a movie called Ride with the Devil, 1 
learned how to ride horses and shoot 
guns. Riding racehorses is different, 
though. These horses want to go. It's in 
their blood. Keeping control is hard. 
The first ume I was on the track, 1 held 
back, but the next time 1 eased up and 
went for it. Whoa. The real jockeys 
cheered. Afterward, they told me, “You 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY DAVID ROSE 


here's a greater reward in this industry 


Jor being famous than for being talented. I 


would never do a film just because it's a 
high-profile movie, but as a result of getting 
famous 1 get more power in this business." 


55 


PLAYBOY 


56 


broke your cherry.” I got better and bet- 
ter as I rode more. 

PLAYBOY: Are horses cooperative actors? 
MAGUIRE: There are certain challenges to 
working with these horses. There are 
rules about what they can and can't do— 
how much time they can run before they 
get a break. At least 10 horses are used to 
portray Seabiscuit. The racing scenes 
were incredibly complex. We were doing 
shots with eight jockeys and eight horses 
and a camera car driving around the 
track. We were re-creating real races, so 
certain things had to happen—cert: 
horses had to win and win by four 
lengths, or whatever. We used tons of 
horses and rotated them. 

PLAYBOY: Was it easier working with 
Chris Cooper and Jeff Bridges? 
MAGUIRE: Sure. They're both 
great guys and great actors. 1 
love working with people who 
are good at what they do, what- 
ever their job is. We spent the 
whole time teasing Chris about 
his Oscar nomination for his 
role in Adaptation. 

PLAYBOY: Teasing him how? 
MAGUIRE: Telling him he was 
definitely going to win the 
Oscar. People don't like to 
hear that kind of stuff. (Still, he 
won] 

PLAYBOY: Before making the 
movie, did you read the book 
Seabiscuit? 

MAGUIRE: [Director] Gary Ross 
told me to, so I did. I found the 
story and the characters and 
the racing itself fascinating 
The book slows everything 
down, so you go through the 
intricacies of racing in ways that 
1 never could have imagined. 
You learn what's going on with 
the jockeys and horses—the 
emotions as well as the tech! 
calities. You see whaı these 
characters are going through 
You see who this horse was and 
what it meant at that time in 
history. It's a fascinating story. 
PLAYBOY: Had you ever gone to 
horse races belore? 

MAGUIRE: When 1 was a kid, but it was 
just a show to me. You watch these guys 
get on these horses, watch them run 
around the track. For me, the show was 
exciting. However, working on the 
movie, I got to go behind the scenes, and 
1 learned how everything plays out. I 
saw all the things that go on in order to 
put on the show. I saw the roles of the 
trainers and the grooms and jockeys and 
owners. I learned to have incredible re- 
spect for jockeys. There's no season for 
this sport, which means that the jockeys 
are working 52 weeks a year. They don't 
get paid much unless they place. If they 
win, they get a piece of the purse. The 
owner gets something like 60 percent 
and the jockey gets 10 percent of that— 


6 percent of whatever the purse 
only if they place. The top 10 percent of 
jockeys make a decent living, but the rest 
don't. It’s amazing what they do for 
every two-minute race. They have to 
keep their weight down throughout the 
year Whereas a wrestler or boxer may 
have to pull weight before a match, jock- 
eys have to do it every time they get on 
the scale, which may be as much as eight 
times a day, every day. After a boxer 
fights, he can relax and gain a few 
pounds. A jockey gains a pound or two 
and has to take it right back off. 
PLAYBOY: Sounds torturous. How did you 
lose weight for the role? 

MAGUIRE: Dict and exercise, There's no 
other way. You might be able to pull 


| was going to read for Woody 


Allen. | had a panic attack. | was 
just terrible, but he gave me the job. 


some water weight if you sit in a sauna 
for a while, but not much. A jockey told 
me that you can pull a pound ina sauna 
in about 20 minutes, but the second 
pound is torture. It takes an hour or 
more. They have to go through that all 
the time. They often get dehydrated and 
have to race like that 

PLAYBOY: Right after Seabiscuit, you put 
weight back on for the Spider-Man se- 
quel. Easy or hard? 

MAGUIRE: Putting weight on is not dilli- 
cult. For a few weeks, I let myself go, 
ate whatever | wanted. The problem was 
that I then had to get the body fat down 
and build up the muscle again. That was 
really hard work. 

PLAYBOY: How hard? 


MAGUIRE: It was extreme. If I was work- 
ing out on my own to stay in shape, I'd 
do it a few times a week to get the heart 
pumping. I do this six days a week and 
several hours a day 

PLAYBOY: What is Spider-Man's typical 
workout? 

MAGUIRE: This time it's different. For the 
first movie, I did general training on 
every part of my body. I did gymnastics, 
martial arts and even dancing, in addi- 
tion to weights and cardio. This time I've 
been doing wire work, in a harness, 
practicing leaps, kicks, jumps and flips. 1 
have to land in a Spidey pose. | also do 
cardio. I'm preparing for specific scenes. 
PLAYBOY: Is it ever dangerous? 

MAGUIRE: They're not going to put me in 
any positions that are too dan- 
gerous. But I've banged my 
head a couple of times. 
PLAYBOY: Recently there were 
persistent press reports that 
you wouldn't be in the Spider- 
Man sequel and that you had 
been replaced by Jake Gyllen- 
haal. What happened? 
MAGUIRE: When 1 got the part, 1 
had to decide if 1 was willing to 
commit to a three-picture deal, 
which is what the studio want- 
ed. It was a leap of faith for 
me. So those reports were fic- 
tion. I knew I would be doing 
the sequel from the moment 
I signed up 

PLAYBOY: What was behind the 
reports? 

MAGUIRE: The only concern was 
that the stunts in this new pic- 
ture exceed the ones in the 
original, and I have back prob- 
lems. My back is better, but 1 
had to make sure that I could 
do the stunts. I went to some 
doctors. I wanted to see how it 
felt on the wi The studio 
was being cautious, too. It was a 
little thing that got blown way 
out of proportion. 

PLAYBOY: Some of the reports 
about the Spider-Man sequel 
suggested that you were hold- 
ing out for more money. Was it 
really just about your back? 


PLAYBOY: Did you hurt your back on the 
first Spider-Man? 

MAGUIRE: The injury actually predated 
the movie. I've been seeing an osteopath 
for it. It's 1 
PLAYBOY: Why an osteopath? Some main- 
stream doctors are dubious about oste 
opathy and its effectiveness. 

MAGUIRE: I've been to neurosurgeons. 
They're great, too, but a neurosurgeon 
doesn't treat you with conservative care. 
They prescribe. I also saw a physical 
therapist and a chiropractor. Physical 
therapy was great, and thankfully I've 
been to some good chiropractors who 
said that their adjustments wouldn't 


е a miracle 


help my problem. This osteopath, 
though, is unbelievable. 1 don't even 
know what he does. It's almost like acu- 
pressure, but way more complex. 
PLAYBOY: Willem Dafoe, who played the 
Green Goblin, confessed that he was un- 
usually rough on you—and your back— 
in your fight scenes. 

MAGUIRE: Nah, though the stuntmen 
were more gingerly than he was. 
PLAYBOY: Did you complain? 

MAGUIRE: We teased each other. I said he 
was overly aggressive—that he didn't 
need to kick and punch me the way he 
did. So he called me a crybaby. 

PLAYBOY: You've also worked with Kevin 
Kline, Michael Douglas, Jeff Bridges and 
Michael Caine. Are you ever intimidated 
by older and more experienced actors? 
MAGUIRE: I'm fortunate enough to work 
with guys who don't carry themselves in 
а way meant to intimidate, but if you 
dwell on who they are or indulge in it, 
"s going to screw you up. You have to 
fo-cus. The first time I met Michael Doug- 
las, yeah, there were some jitters. Once 1 
worked with him, it was easy. He's a real- 
ly warm guy. We talked a lot about 
sports. I'd tease him about the Knicks 
and Heat, his teams. Earlier 1 was going 
to read for Woody Allen for Deconstruct- 
ing Harry. 1 was 20. I thought 1 was go- 
ing to be fine. 1 went into the waiting 
room and had a panic attack. I could see 
Woody Allen and I was like, Holy shit. Pue 
got to go in and read for Woody Allen. 1 was 
taking these big breaths and some wom- 
idn't know started rubbing my 
It's going to be OK, sweetie.” T 
went in and I was just terrible. So I went 
back later and read again. I was just as 
terrible, but he gave me the job anyway. 
PLAYBOY: Did you ever ask him why? 
MAGUIRE: No, but it worked out, and 1 
thought I was pretty good in the film. 
Before that, I was only 16 when J met De 
Niro for This Boy's Life. I was reading for 
the part that Leo wound up playing. 
There were eight or nine of us kids all 
reading with De Niro. At the time, [ was 
just discovering De Niro and the other 
greats of that generation, including Hoff- 
man and Pacino. I was really intimidated 
and а total mess. Leo went in and he was 
oblivious to who he was reading with. He 
was the only kid who stood up and 
matched De Niro. 

PLAYBOY: Was it true you and DiCaprio 
agreed that if either of you got a part in 
the movie, you would try to get a role for 
the other one? 

MAGUIRE: We did. and Leonardo fol- 
lowed through. 

PLAYBOY: How was it working with him? 
MAGUIRE: Pretty amazing. 1 had a great 
moment with him. We're all in this cave, 
where he and his buddies go drinking. 
We're talking about our big plans for our 
lives. He says, “Who are you guys kid- 
ding? You're going to end up just like 
your dads,” and he lays into us. Then 
he falls down off this ledge and starts 


Pet Projects 


Seabiscuit follows some tough animal acts. And some not so tough 
WORST 


HORSE 


4 The Black Stallion 
(1979)—A boy-ond-his-pony plot 
becomes a spellbinder obout a kid 
ond a horse surviving a shipwreck 8 
ond galloping to racetrack victory. 


International Velvet > 
(1978)—Thirty yeors after National 
Velvet, this sequel stars Tatum O'Neal 
os а heroine so bitchy you wish her 
steed would stomp her to death. 


[ роо 


4 Old Yeller 

(1957) —This classic about a country 
boy's best friend feotures a death 
scene thot reduced more guys to sob 
E bing fools thon any other movie. 


Turner & Hooch > 
(1989)—Tom Honks plays о cop 
| partnered with a big, dumb mutt. It 
could have killed a lesser actor's ca- 
reer (we mean Hanks, not the pooch) 


ш L MONKEY 


4 King Kong 

(1933) —The giant ope is the scariest, 
sexiest mofo of all. Even the dia 
logue (“It wasn't the cirplones. It was | 
beauty killed the beast”) is clossic 


Ed > 
| (1996)—Mat LeBlonc plays a loser 

ballployer who bunks with on athletic 
| chimp. The ape gets an ossist from 
animatronics. LeBlonc isn't so lucky. 


WHALE ] 
4 Free Willy 


(1993)—Troubled kid. Doomed killer 
whale. Boy saves whole. Whole 
saves boy. It might as well be on 
infomercial for Greenpeace. 


Orca > 
(1977)—A rubbery whale bites Bo 
Derek in half. Was Orca playing 
movie critic? Or did his ogent 
promise this would be his Jaws? 


PIG 


4 Babe 

(1995)—An orphoned piglet is 
odopted by o sheepdog but tries to 
reunite with his mom. This could 
make you sweor off pork forever 


Deliverance > 
(1972) —Ned Beatty gets corn-holed 
by a hillbilly who tells him to “Squeal 
like a pig!” Yes, Ned is the other, oth- | 
er white meat. —Stephen Rebello | 


57 


PLAYBOY 


crying. I watched him do the scene and 
thought, Shit, my friend is a really good ac- 
= > tor. He blew me away. 

EC [| m um mh d PLAYBOY: For a while, you, DiCaprio and 
= some other Hollywood friends made the 

social scene in a big way, traveling as 

a pack 

MAGUIRE: That's just a press thing. It has 

nothing to do with reality. 


From PLAYEOY Y Home Video 


Kitana Baker has scratched and 


ved Lenwevitothe tcp asthe PLAYBOY: The press said you guys called 
c СЕН ОП ова ; yourself the Pussy Posse. 

КИП eee COIT eral! But _ е 0 MAGUIRE: Аге you kidding? The only way 
how did she get started on the I'm aware of that name at all is by read- 
road to stardom? By submitting D ing it in tabloids. There's nothing for me 
a sizzling amateur home video : to say about it. I can't even answer a 
to the Playboy TV show Sexy 4 rad, question associated with it because it's 
Girls Next Door! See the [DOR completely fictitious. 

steamy audition tapes that К : PLAYBOY: One report had you guys 


helped Kitana, Amelia Garduno SAT DO) throwing grapes at paparazzi. Did you? 
MAGUIRE: No. I don't mess with those 
and many more Playboy 


s. They're all looking to rope you in- 
models transform from pesa prefer dca ane them 
sexy girls next door into any energy 
intemational sex symbols! PLAYBOY: How about lobbing stink bombs? 
MAGUIRE: Maybe when I was a kid, but 
not since then. 


Also available at: 
Out now on DVD or VHS only $19.98 a ^ T 
SUNCOAST er дору PLAYBOY: Do you still hang out with 
петом PETE courant DiCaprio? 
joes) М5 MAGUIRE: Sure, but I don't like talking 
about my friends. It's part of my private 
To order by mail, send check or money order to: 800- 423- -9494 life. I'd rather talk about my movies. 
Rove ass odo 11470) or PLAYBOY: Do your work relationships of- 
Source Code 11470 playboystore. com ten develop into friendships? 


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Add $4.00 shipping and handling charge per total order. Ilinois MAGUIRE: Ts like anything edie In any 


O 6.76 sales tax (Canadan orders accepted.) situation, you hit it off with some people 
and some you don't 

PLAYBOY: What about Michael Caine? 
MAGUIRE: He was great. He's powerful 
and sensitive and fun and funny, 
PLAYBOY: Robert Downey Jr.? 

MAGUIRE: He is really fresh. He likes to 
keep things alive and spontancous. He's 
great at going off the cuff. 


ES PLAYBOY: Docs his battle with drugs and 

exv Ит 

зип goddesses MAGUIRE: I'll say that we all can’t help 
show off bringing the sum total of our personal 


their tans! experiences to our work. 
PLAYBOY: You once said that your spiritu- 
al advisors include Bill Wilson, who was 
TCFTO311 $6.99 oy ٤ 
[тсз see ¥ | a co-founder of Alcoholics Anonymous. 
an IT. 


ES Are you in AA? 
12 
da 

SEKI 


To erder by mail, send check 0 
الما‎ = MAGUIRE: I can't really comment on that 


PLAYBOY: Why not? 
MAGUIRE: The tradition of the AA pro- 


ol ZUNG 


Г jut IPIS oe gram is that you remain anonymous in 
the media. 

PLAYBOY: Do you know why? 

MAGUIRE: Historically that came from a 
800242329404 | baseball player who went out and talked 


SAMANTHA JOSEPH 
KANITOOO 


about his sobriety. He became a poster 
ЛУКИ | child for AA. Then he fucked up and his 
Pep | life went to shit. It puta bad light on АА. 
= PLAYBOY: But lots of famous people have 
ке ORC movingly described the Чор ЧАА ов 
their lives 
MAGUIRE: I know. It's a really powerful 
program with a tradition I'd like to re- 
spect. It is to protect the anonymity of 
others. 1 wouldn't tell you so-and-so is a 
member of AA. They tell you, “What you 
hear here stays here.” I respect that. 1 


have no business talking about other 
people. 

PLAYBOY: How about yourself? 

MAGUIRE: Well, the program just makes 
sense to me 

PLAYBOY: What is it that appeals to you? 
MAGUIRE: It’s derivative of all religions 
and all philosophical practices. AA is no- 
frills spirituality. There are no hokey tra- 
ditions. The program makes sense to 
me. It's just all practical. I'm an analyti- 
cal guy. A thinker. There are no holes in 
the program. 1 like the osteopath be- 
cause there are results. This has results, 
too. It's a little clunky because it was cre- 
ated in the Thirties. It's a little sexist, 1 
guess—it talks about “the man” a lot. But 
the truths within it are astounding. It's 
so simple. I come in, 1 ask for help. I'm 
willing. The person doesn't tell me what 
to do, they tell me what they did. That's 
how I learn what to do. It’s monkey see, 
monkey do. You could be brainless and 
do it. You do what they ask you to do 
and shit happens. It's that simple. 
PLAYBOY. What shit happens? 

MAGUIRE: Your life gets better. Your life 
changes. It has totally changed my life 
PLAYBOY: From what? How bad was your 
problem that led you to AA? 

MAGUIRE: 1 never have talked about it 
this much. Not ever. It's a private thin; 
PLAYBOY: You're an actor. People are in- 
terested in your life 

MAGUIRE: That's definitely the downside. 
Especially after Spider-Man. No one 
cared as much before that. Spider-Man 
changed everything 

PLAYBOY: Did you anticipate the huge 
success of Spider-Man? 

MAGUIRE: In some ways it exceeded my 
expectations and in some ways it was 
about where 1 thought it would be. I 
knew the movie was highly anticipated. 1 
knew there were 40 years of history with 
that character: 

PLAYBOY: Was that history a mixed bless- 
ing? Did people already have Spider-Man 
fixed in their minds? 

MAGUIRE: When you adapt something, all 
you can do is get the essence of it and 
make a movie that stands on its own. The 
Cider House Rules was nothing like the 
book, though it was a very successful 
film, adapted by the author himself. We 
certainly didn’t want to alienate Spider- 
Man's fans, but we were also making a 
film for people who had never read a 
comic book. 

PLAYBOY: Had you? 

MAGUIRE: Actually, not much 

PLAYBOY: Were you reluctant to do an ac- 
tion movie? 

MAGUIRE: I had lots of questions. How 
many cooks are going to be in the kitch- 
en? What's the tone? What's the quality? 
Those questions were answered once 1 
spoke with [director] Sam Raimi and 
read the script. It became an easy deci- 
sion. I was convinced, but I had to con- 
vince the studio. 

PLAYBOY: That involved not one but two 


screen tests. After a string of successful 
movies, did you mind having to go 
through that process? 
MAGUIRE: I had a couple of moments of 
ego, but I got over them. After I did the 
а dramatic piece of 
the movie, they wanted to see a screen 
test with an action sequence. That sort of 
irritated me, because they didn't men- 
tion that the first rime. I grumbled, but 
then did it. The action scene test is on 
the DVD. It's a short sequence where I 
have my shirt off and I'm in tights. 
тдүвоү: Did they tell you to take your 
shirt off? 
MAGUIRE: They put me in this unitard. 1 
was in pretty good shape at the time, be- 
cause I had been preparing like an ani- 
mal. The unitard compresses your mus- 
cles, so they don’t really show unless 
you're Arnold Schwarzenegger in his 
heyday. So, I decided to peel the top half 
off. I did a fighting scene. 
PLAYBOY: You started working out before 
you knew you had the part? 
MAGUIRE: I had been working out in an- 
ticipation of something coming along in 
which my physicality would be impor- 
tant. I was considering other movies, in 
cluding Training Day, playing Ethan 
Hawke's part. I was interested in doing 
that, but Spider-Man came up and 1 shut 
down all other possibilities. 
PLAYBOY: What's it like to wear the 
Spider-Man suit? 
MAGUIRE: It's really not bad. Apparently 
the Batman suit was hot and heavy, but 
this one is lighter and flexible. 
PLAYBOY: Yet you once said you felt as if 
you were trapped in a sleeping bag 
MAGUIRE: I did when they were making a 
mold for the suit. They cast my head in 
the same gummy and rubbery stuff the 
dentist uses to make impressions of your 
teeth. They pour it over your entire 
head and shoulders. There are two tiny 
nose holes through which to breathe, 
but everything else—your mouth, your 
eyes—are covered. As it was hardening, 
some of the stuff got into my air passages 
and I started freaking out. Then they 
wrapped me in a plaster cast, which was 
heavy and got hot as it hardened. 1 had 
to be in there for halfan hour and start- 
ed freaking out then, too. I wasn't much 
fun. Sometimes the zippers would break 
when I was wearing the suit. They would 
stitch me inside. That wasn't a great feel- 
ing, either. The stuntmen, some of 
whom worked on Batman, told me a 
trick, which was to stay hydrated. You 
get squeamish in there if you get dehy- 
drated. But the more you drink, the 
more you have to use the rest room. In 
the suit, that’s an ordeal. 
PLAYBOY: Because . . . 2 
MAGUIRE: It takes them 10 minutes just 
to get the suit off 
PLAYBOY: You were rewarded when 
Kirsten Dunst gave you a real kiss in a 
scene even when she didn't have to. 
(continued on page 139) 


first scene, which wa 


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She was the new girl in town, a hot blonde hard body with a secret 
agenda. The inside story of an undercover high school drug sting 


n the rusting, industrial city of Altoona, 
Pennsylvania, the corner of 14th Street 
and Fourth Avenue has held a special sig- 
nificance for generations of working-class 
kids. The hallowed ground is on a hilltop 
behind the Altoona Area Senior High 
School, just beyond the sightlines of teach- 
ers and other adults, a dilapidated inter- 
section strewn with cigarette butts and 
shaded by a ratty old maple. Everybody 
knows it as Smokers! Corner, where a 
clique of boys and girls—not student-coun- 
cil types or overachievers, mind you—meet 
each morning to engage in a ritual. Faces 
still creased with sleep, they flirt and gos- 
sip, bum cigarettes, get the news and tell 
the tales of adolescence as they bring one 
another along in life. 

On a wickedly windy day in April, a 
handful of seniors huddle in a semicircle 
on the cracked concrete sidewalk. Their 
torn jeans and low-end-designer hoodies 
flap and fluuer in the blustery air. We are 
high above the half-deserted streets of 
downtown, where the tallest tower belongs 
to a public hospital. They take turns re- 
hashing one of their now favorite topics 
the beautiful transfer student Amber Bax- 
ter, who one day last year appeared on the 
Corner with her easy smile and sweet ride 
and then vanished three months later. Am- 
ber was gorgeous, they agree: a girly, petite 
blonde with a tight body and major atti- 
tude, a flirt with a bit of a cruel streak. She 
arrived from Philadelphia, she told them, a 
city chick in a mint Cavalier. Flipping her 
hair, strolling to first period in a belly shirt, 
jeans slung low on her hips and a thong 
riding up in back, Amber was the girl 
everyone wanted to nail 

“She just came up and asked for a light,” 
says senior Jonathan Rhodes with a soft 
shake of his head, “and then it was like she 
was never not here.” 

Sage nods all around. These kids are 
more advanced in physique, clothing and 
demeanor than the freshmen and sopho- 
mores, with their acne-cursed faces and 
chicken necks. These are worldly-wise se- 
niors; they knew Amber personally. 

“Га say she was a 10," says Luke Zorger, 
another senior and Corner fixture. "A 10 
out of 10, just as far as looks go.” 


He turns to the crowd for confirmation 
“Remember? She had that red silky shirt 
she got sent to detention for. Her car was 
cool, too.” 

“She always wore a thong,” says Bobby 
Noel in a hushed tone that implies that it is 
illegal—which it practically is according to 
Altoona High's strict clothing policy. “And 
she made sure you could see it.” 

But three months after Amber lit up the 
scene on the Comer in the spring of 2002, 
she vanished, leaving the students who 
knew her and the city itself changed forev- 
er. In the days that followed her departure, 
Amber's time in Altoona would become the 
centerpiece of a large-scale police investi- 
gation that saw five juveniles and 11 adults 
charged and was hailed by community 
leaders and school officials as a major suc- 
cess in the war on drugs. 

For Mike Fisher, the ambitious attorney 
general of Pennsylvania, Amber's triumph 


in Altoona became =" 
political capital in a | | b 
tough gubernatorial y 
mark 
{ 
hoal 


race. Fisher even flew 


in to take some cred- 
it, and the local news- 
papers gave him 
what he wanted. The 
official version of events was picked up by 
the Associated Press, and the story of Am- 
ber Baxter's undercover stay at Altoona 
Area High made news across the state. Most 
significantly, the case entered the annals of 
Pennsylvania law enforcement history and 
became a model for how other schools in 
the state could deal with problem students. 

But there was a sense of something un- 
said in the published reports, a mystery at 
the heart of the Amber affair. The kids 
whose lives were scorched by the sting 
were never heard from, their names kept 
from the press, ostensibly for privacy rea- 
sons. Amber herself was silenced by the po- 
lice bureaucracy. When, for the first time, 
some of the kids finally talked to me about 
the events of last spring, they told a darker, 
more complex story than what was report- 
ed in the newspapers, a tale of betray- 
al, drugs and teenage lust that raises seri- 
ous questions about the scope of police 
power and the extraordinary lengths we're 


PHOTOGRAPHY EY RICHARD лл 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY SCOTT HOUSTON 


Many teenage lives 
were changed forever 
by the sting (from top): 
Senior Jonathan 
Rhodes says he shot 
up two bags of heroin a 
day as a junior. A year 
later. Jonathan, who 
was not arrested, in- 
sists the undercover 
sting was a success: “I 
am just tired of seeing 
my fiends get caught 
up in all this heroin,” 
he says. Malicia Dar- 
roch: "| know | got off 
pretty easy, but all did 
was give her a bag of 
shake when she asked 
me for it,” says Mali 
tia, who was suspend- 
ed and sentenced to 40 
hours of community 
service. Bobby Noel: “I 
thought she was hot, 
and | thought she was 
a bitch and | hated 
her.” he says of Amber 
Baxter, the undercover 
officer at the Altoona 
Area High School. He 
was Suspended, trans- 
ferred and kicked off 
the football team, end- 
ing his NFL dreams 
Jason Kruise, in hat, 
photographed at the 
cemetery where the 
Corner kids sometimes 
went to smoke: “She 
gave me 20 bucks and 
| brought the bag out 
for her,” he says. His 
father, Richard, adds: 
“I'm not saying Jason 
was а saint, but what 
they did to him was 
wrong They set him 
up." This page. upper 
right: The local press 
and how it covered the 
high school sting, а 
first in Pennsylvania's 
drug war history. 

(The photo on the 
opening spread is a 
re-creation.) 


willing to go to as 
a society to elimi- 
nate drugs from 
the lives of the 
young. 


THE LOCAL 
HERO 


That semester, 
Bobby Noel was 
working on build- 
ing up his body every 
chance he could. He 
has an athlete's genes to 
begin with: His brother 
has won state wrestling 
championships; his father considered playing professional 
baseball before settling down to drive a truck. Squeezing in 
sets at every free moment—after a crack-of-dawn newspa- 
per delivery run and at night in the basement gym his fa- 
ther built—Bobby became a fire hydrant from the neck 
down, while above, a scrappy brown goatee struggled to 
take root in his sweet, open face- 

On the football field, Bobby was a show-off, flexing his 
biceps after a tackle. He played defensive nose and made 
30 tackles over the course of a gold-plated 12-2 season in 
which the Altoona Mountain Lions advanced to the state 

He was a local hero. “Everybody knows who | 
he says, wearing the team's maroon-and-white 
slicker with an immodest smile. 

Football is taken seriously in Altoona, perhaps because 
athletes are some of the town's few prized exports. (Since 
the Sixties, five Altoona High School graduates have 
played in the NFL.) The railroad and related industries 
that made Altoona a prize of American industry—a proud 
center of steam and steel—have all but withered away in 
the information age, and Altoona has become a working- 
class town with little work, even for bright, talented 
like Bobby. In the Forties, Altoona’s famously curved rai 
road tracks were such a vital infrastructure that the N. 
targeted them for destruction. Now the railroad is an ab- 
straction, represented in dioramas in a small museum 
downtown. Way off the grid of world affairs, straight out of 
a Springsteen song, Altoona is now a microcosm of the dif- 
ferent ways American towns can decline: In Blair County, 
where Altoona is situated, nursing homes and elder-care 
businesses are the sole sources of growth, one in five kids 
lives below the poverty line, and education levels are among 
the lowest in the state (only 10 percent of adults finish col- 
lege). Many young members of the German and Irish pop- 
ulation look to Wendy's or McDonald's for burger-flipping 
jobs, unless they score a union connection. Drugs—weed, 
crack and heroin—fill the vacuum lefi by lost hope. 

Bobby's family was doing better than most. His dad 
racked up enough mileage on the road to keep his son in 
decent used cars (Bobby's latest was a green 1994 Jimmy 
with tricked-out rims), but the Noels didn't spring for lux- 
uries like cell phones. They knew where Bobby was any- 
way—working out—and they didn't worry about the house 
parties full of heroin, the drug that started whipping 
through Altoona a few years ago. Trucked in by low-level 
entrepreneurs from Philly and New York on Interstates 80 
and 99, the junk is distributed by a ragged pack of teenage 
dealers with beepers in their waistbands who loiter by gas 

ation pay phones, risking felony arrests for $20 deals and 
$5 profits. 


buildings of Altoona High, the most presti- 
gious public high school in Blair County, are defended like 
a fortress, with surveillance cameras scanning the halls and 
exterior, entrances monitored and a security team in a 


Jeep Cherokee patrolling the grounds and parking lot. 
Searches of cars, lockers and the 2000 senior high students 
have become routine. Altoona Area School District Direc- 
tor of Public Relations Thomas Bradley put it this way to 
the kids: “If you don't allow us to do a search, we will be 
happy to get a warrant." 

Drug-snifling dogs are brought in regularly, and even 
the honored athletes are closely watched. Bobby and the 
rest of the football team submit to urine tests each season. 
He always passed, of course, never daring to jeopardize his 
chance to play the game he loves. 

In fact, Bobby was so good in 2001, he was getting letters 
from colleges offering football scholarships and—who 
knowsz—he thought just maybe he'd see a bit of the NFL. 

But that was before he met Amber Baxter. 


THE BEAUTIFUL STRANGER 


"She took a seat one day, and basically that was the end 
of my class. None of the guys were paying attention to me 
anymore," recalls Kathy De Piro, who teaches Warehouse 
Sciences, a course in which kids learn how to track inven- 
tory and set up cold-storage rooms. “You have to under- 
stand, I had 18 boys in my class and two girls, and the 
women were like tomboy types. The guys just stared at her 
blatantly, with absolutely no shame. They were just, I 
think, really taken aback by this feminine girl with long 
blonde hair. And she was very pretty.” 

Her eye shadow was the first thing you noticed. Bright 
iridescent blue ran all the way to the upper lids, giving her 
an extravagant, stagy look that attracted the boys and pro- 
voked instant hostility from the girls on the Corner. “I hat- 
ed her,” says a senior who asked to be identified as Destiny. 
“She was kind of a loser. 1 don't know why everyone says 
she was so hot. She wore this ridiculous glittery eye shadow 
all the way up to her eyebrow. How tacky is that?” 

Malicia Darroch is an upperclassman with all-American 
looks: shimmering blonde hair and freckles over ber nose 
and cheeks. At first, Malicia didn't take to Amber, but when 
her boyfriend accused her of being jealous, she says, she 
decided to see what the new girl was all about. “I didn't 
think she was so great—a seven, maybe, depending on the 
day. She had a pretty big nose. She wore her hair up some- 
times in this really gay w 

Malicia decided to rise above the insult. One of the more 
popular girls in school, she had turned a rough start in 
life—15 schools in her 17 years—into an outgoing nature 
and a relaxed touch with strangers. She sympathized with 
Amber's position as the new girl. “Most of my friends were 
too snobby to have anything to do with her. You know, that 
blue eye shadow was a real tacky minus. But I started being 
nice to her because I know what it's like not to have any 
friends, and because, mostly, I wanted to stay on my 
boyfriend's good side.” 

They became close friends, talking many nights on the 
phone. Malicia opened up to Amber about her troubled 
past, telling her how she had been tattooed at five and 
trundled from school to school. Amber seemed genuinely 
to care, and she tried to help out whenever she could, 
mostly by giving her new friend rides to doctor's appoint- 
ments. But Amber seemed to have needs of her own. “The 
thing was,” Malicia says, “she was always asking me if 1 
could get her drugs. Once right before going to the doctor 
I smoked in her car and she asked me if she could have the 
shake left in the bag. 1 said I didn't see why not.” 


THE PLAYER 


“Hey, Bobby, are you a faaaaggot?" Amber's voice, high- 
pitched and teasing, rang through the halls where the kids 
hit the lockers between classes. The sound of it still sits in 
Bobby Noel's ears, the elongated pronunciation turning it 


GREAT STINGS 


Famous Fish Who Got Fried By Undercover Operations 


BUSTED: Marion Barry, Washington, D.C. mayor. 
January 1990. 
THE STING: The U.S. Attomey's office spent 
‘more than $240,000 in its investigation, which used 
Barry's ex-girlfriend, Rasheeda Moore, to lure him 
to a room at the Vista Hotel, where he was caught 
оп video surveillance cameras smoking crack. 
UPSHOT: Barry got six months’ prison time for 
possession on another charge: a dozen other 
charges were dropped. In 1994. Barry won his 
fourth term as D.C. mayor. 

QUOTE: “Bitch setme up,” said an eloquent Barry at the time of the bust. 


BUSTED: John DeLorean, October 1982. A for- 
mer head of GM's North American car-and-truck 
‘operations, he started his own company to produce 
the Back to the Future-looking DMC-12. 
THE STING: Trying to save his debt-ridden 
company, DeLorean stumbled into a web meant to 
‘snare a drug dealer and was caught on video ogling 
а suitcase containing 55 pounds of cocaine. 
UPSHOT: Delorean was found not guilty on all 
counts of drug trafficking 
QUOTE: Asked by a reporter after the trial 
whether it TE hurt his reputation, DeLorean replied, “I don't know, would 


| you buy a used car from me? 


BUSTED: Vincent “Buddy” Cianci, April 2001. 
Сапа was mayor of Providence, Ё 1. for 21 years (ex- 
cluding a six-year break after an assault conviction 
for attacking his ex-wife's lover with a log). 
THE STING: Feds spent years on Operation 
Plunder Dome, using an agent posing as a shady 
businessman to implicate dirty city officials. The re- 
sulting tapes allegedly showed Cianci associates 
taking cash bribes. 
UPSHOT: Found guilty of one count of RICO con- 
spiracy, Cianci was sentenced to five years in 
prison, fined $100,000 and ordered to serve 150 hours of community service. 
QUOTE: “There are still no stains on this jacket,” said Cianci when the in- 
dictment against him was released, referring to the then-fresh Clinton scandal. 


BUSTED: Senator Harison Williams of New 
Jersey, Congressmen John Murphy of New York, Frank 
Thompson of New Jersey, Raymond Lederer and 
Michael Myers of Pennsylvania, Richard Kelly of Flori- 
да, and John Jenrette of South Carolina, in 1980. 
THE STING: In an operation called Abscam, the 
FBI used agents posing as Arab businessmen to buy 
|7 political favors. In the most famous bit of videotape. 
Rep. Kelly stuffs $25,000 in cash into his coat 
pockets and asks, “Does it show?” 
UPSHOT: Though the busted contended that the 
‘sting constituted entrapment. none of the convictions were overtumed. 
QUOTE: "it was a setup, a goddamn setup,” said House Speaker “Tip” O'Neill. 


into a sneer. Then she spun around to show 
him the seat of her form-hugging jeans: He re- 
calls that it had a red, heart-shaped patch sewn 
onto it. The patch read you CANT TOUCH THIS. 
Amber and Bobby sat next to each other in 
science class, the transfer student getting the 
attention of the popular athlete with the ques- 
tion about his sexual preference. When Bobby 
tells this story in a cramped guest room in his 
uncle's house, his face reddens. When asked 
what response he gave, he doesn't speak for a 


The television glows silent, mut- 

'ar-old nephew flits in and out of 
ing room. 

“I called her a bitch,” he says. 

Bobby believed he was dealing with a “ho,” a word he 
huffs out with scorn. As proof of her claim on the title, he 
recalls the time Amber allowed his friend Taj to cup her 
breasts in public—hands over the sweatshirt, but still. “1 
thought she was hot, and I thought she was a bitch and I 
hated her,” Bobby says. 

Such was her charm that when 
Amber asked for a favor, Bobby 
jumped to oblige her. She plead- 
ed with him in a note scribbled 
during class: “Bobby, can you get 
me some pot? I am really desper- 
ate and I have $40. xxx, Amber.” 

Bobby wrote back: “I don't 
smoke pot,” but he said that he 
would see what he could do. Af- 
ter finding his friend Jason 
Kruise, a senior who knew his 
way around, Bobby told him the new chick Amber was 
looking for some pot. But Jason didn't want to get a bag for 
a stranger. So Bobby in his trusting, incautious way—or 
perhaps in his desire to make her see him as a player and 
not as a faggot—gladly played the middleman, taking the 
weed from Jason and delivering it to Amber. He tossed the 
bag to her under his desk while the teacher fiddled with a 
PowerPoint presentation at the back of the classroom. It 
was a cool move that Bobby has come to regret. “It wasn't 
even my stuff.” he says. “I don't even do pot. 1 just passed 
it to her.” But in the hallway, when Amber pulled $20 from 


Left: The Altoona Cemetery. popular with the kids from Smokers’ Corner. Above: The scene of the sting. 


her jeans, he took the money. 
From then on, Bobby said, she should deal directly 
with Jason. 


THE LADIES’ MAN 


Naturally, they met at Smokers’ Corner. “She just 
asked me if I could get her weed, and I was like, sure, 
yeah,” says Jason, a good-looking kid with an Ethan 
Hawke-type angularity to his cheekbones, a head of floppy 
brown hair, dark eyes and a pierced eyebrow and lower lip. 
“Bobby said she was cool, so I told her to meet me at the 
Corner.” 

The son of a tire salesman and a housewife, Jason is a 
budding narcissist and minor league clotheshorse who 
wears the best brands his parents can afford. He is ex- 
tremely popular and successful with the local girls. During 
the time he knew Amber, in his senior year, Jason's main 
concern, apart from his social life and a particularly cool 
Ecko sweatshirt he'd just bought, was passing his certifica- 
tion test to become a welder. 

Jason turns sullen and shamefaced when his relationship 
with Amber is mentioned. No doubt he was happy to do 
a pretty girl a favor, but according to his mother his deep- 
er motive had nothing to do with drugs or money. “She 
Was just going to be another notch in his belt,” says Deb- 
bie Kruise. “Jason thinks he's a studmuffin," his father 
says. “He has girls stashed all over the place. She was just 
the latest.” 

After meeting at the Corner, they drove a few blocks to 
a ramshackle brick house where (continued on page 84) 


i = 
EVERYTHING I NEED TO KNOW ABOUT UNDERCOVER WORK | LEARNED FROM KEANU REEVES AND VIN DIESEL 


ri Point BREAK 
C3 — 
Pul 


Agent: FBI Special Agent Johnny Utah 
(Keanu Reeves) 

Cover name: None. How hard is itto 
| fool a surfer? 

Assignment: Infiltrate a group of 
bank-robbing beach bums led by 
criminal mastermind Patrick Swayze 
Insider tip: Take on any challenge to 
fit in, including jumping out of a plane 
or hanging out with Gary Busey. 
Lesson learned: Don't leave your FB! 
badge on the bathroom floor or your 
flaky surfer girlfriend will figure out 
you're ike a cop or something. 


FAST AND FURIOUS 


‚Agent: Brian O'Conner (Paul Walker) 
Cover name: The White Guy 
Assignment: Investigate a series of 
18-wheeler hijackings carried out by 
members of a street racing team. 
Insider tip: Do not shag the crime 
boss's sister, regardless of what a 
total piece of ass she may be. Other- 
wise you will have to keep a straight 
face while Vin Diesel growls, “You 


break her heart, ГЇ! break your neck." 


Lesson learned: The bad guy gets 
$20 million for his next job, the good 
guy vill likely be washing cars soon. 


Donnie Brasco 


Agent: Special Agent Joseph Pistone 
(Johnny Depp) 

Cover name: Donnie Brasco 
Assignment: Latch on to Lefty, a wise- 
guy with a thing for Animal Planet. Use 
him to drag down the NYC Mob. 
Insider tip: “This ain't a fucking 
rodeo,” sharp dresser Lefty says, ad- 
vising Donnie to ditch the mustache. 
Lesson learned: Listening to mobsters 
talk about catching a snitch so they 
сап “cut his prick off, leave it in his 
mouth and leave him in the street” is 
hardly worth the overtime pay. 


Reservoir Docs 


> 


Agent: Freddy Newandyke (Tim Roth) | 
Cover name: Mr. Orange 
Assignment: Infiltrate potty-mouthed 
gang plotting a jewelry-store heist. 
Insider tip: Solidify your rep with an 
anecdote about “something funny that 
happened to you while you were dong 
a fucking job.” Remember: "Bad ac- 
tors are bullshit in this job,” although 
that never stopped Quentin Tarantino. 
Lesson learned: Psyching yoursell up 
with the mantra "You're not going lo 
get hurt. You're fucking Beretta” guar- 


antees you'll catch a slug in the gut 


“Johnny, why don’t you just say no to abstinence?” 


ARNIE WILSON is stepping out in a new skin, and the 35-year-old singer's enthusiasm about her trans- 
formation is infectious. "I went from a size 28 to a size six,” she says. "I'm sure I'm the first woman 
to be featured in BBW (Big Beautiful Woman) and rLaveoY within five years. I was always the fat chick 
from Wilson Phillips or the ‘funny fat girl.’ PLAYBOY is my final redemption.” Back in 1999, the 
daughter of Beach Boys auteur Brian Wilson topped out at 298 pounds before deciding to under- 
go gastric bypass surgery to battle her life-threatening obesity. Carnie used to associate her addic- 
tion to food with the absence of her father. “Blaming people is a cowardly way to live your life, 


ie wilson steps into a smaller spotligh 


Compact 
CARNIE 


because you're not taking responsibility for your actions,” she says. “My dad and I became friends and did a lot of 
healing before I had surgery. He's funny, he wears his heart on his sleeve and he's the strongest person I know.” Her 
operation was broadcast live on the Internet for Spotlighthealth.com, an organization she continues to support by giv- 
ing inspirational lectures. She's been shedding pounds—and dress sizes—ever since. Carnie wrote a book called I'm. 
Still Hungry about her life since the operation, and she lets out a throaty cackle if you ask her about some of the con- 
tent. “I wanted to call it Fuck! I'm Still Hungry, but it was toned down for obvious reasons,” she says. “I loyed the 
PLAYBOY experience so much that I condensed my four-day journal about it into two chapters: “To Pose or Not 
to Pose’ and “Does Anyone Else Feel a Draft in Here?’ I originally wrote that I felt so horny—like one big vagina. The 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY STEPHEN WAYDA 


In addition to releasing her first solo album 
(lef), Carnie is agcin recording with Wilson 
Phillips. This time she won't be the big girl 
relegated to the background. “Weight-loss 
surgery is not the easy route,” she soys. “1 
think most people, heavy or thin, say, ‘I’m 
glad she got her life together and took 
control of her health.” 


title of the book just says it—I'm hungry for it all.” 

na Phillips for a Wilson Phillips benefit concert. The group's breezy California pop sound garnered platinum and 
multiplatinum albums featuring hits like Hold On and Release Me. Now the girls are back in the studio for the first time 
in more thana decade, “We've been writing and recording for three years,” s. “The new songs are soulful, 
more like TL It’s not about hit singles or selling millions of records anymore, even though that is nice. I'm all about 
wanting everything times five, but I've learned that I have to cross my legs and calm down.” When Wilson Phillips 
was put on ice in the early Nineties, Carnie branched out with acting roles on Ik Stalkings and other TV 
shows, and hosted her own short-lived talk show as well. She met her husband, musician Rob Bonfiglio, three months 


before her weight-loss surgery. “When Rob and I met. it's not like he knew I wasn't fat,” she says. 
“He loved my sense of humor, my face and my perfume. He also knew I wasn't afraid to be wild in 
bed, so I think that turned him on big time! When I was tempted to not take a walk or eat an extra 
piece of candy, Rob was a big motivator for me since he never went out with a fat girl. I just became 
more and more sexual. Being a risk taker is how you move on in your life and motivate people.” 


SEE MORE OF CARNIE AT 
CYBER.PLAYBOY.COM. 


when you move into a planned 
community, the last thing 
you want is nonconformists 
screwing up your bucolic view 


fiction by T. CORAGHESSAN BOYLE 


FVE BEEN LIVING in Jubilation for almost two years now. 

There's been a lot of change in that time, both for the bet- 

ter and the worse, as you might expect in any real and 

authentic town composed of real and authentic people 

with their ironclad personalities and various personal 

agendas, but overall I'd say I'm happy I chose the Contash 
Corp.'s vision of community living. I've got friends here, neighbors, 
people who care about me the way I care about them. We've had our 
crises, no question about it—mother nature has been pretty erratic 
these past two years—and there isn't a man, woman or child in Jubila- 
tion who isn't worried about maintaining property values in the face of 
all the naysaying and criticism that's come our way. Still, it's the people 
this whole thing is about, and the people I know are as determined and 
forward-looking a bunch as any you'd ever hope to find. We've built 
something here, something I think we can all be proud of. 

It wasn't easy. From the beginning, everybody laughed behind my 
back. Everybody said, “Oh, sure, Jackson, you get divorced and the 
first thing you do is fly down to Florida and live in some theme park 
with Сиру Gator and whoever—Chowchy the Lizard, right?—and you 
defend it with some tripe about community and the New Urbanists and 
we're supposed to say you're behaving rationally?” My ex-wife was the 
worst. Lauren. She made it sound as if I was personally going to drive 
the Sky Lift or slip into a Gulpy suit and greet people at the gates of 
Contash World, but the truth is I was a pioneer, I had a chance to get 
into something on the ground floor and make it work—sacrifice to 
make it work—and all the cynics I used to call friends just snickered in 
their apple martinis as if my postdivorce life was some opéra bouffe 
staged for their amusement. 

‘Take the lottery. They all thought I was crazy, but I booked my tick- 
et, flew down to Orlando and took my place in line with 6000 strangers 
while the sun peeled the skin off the tip of my nose and baked through 
the soles of my shoes. There was sleet on the runway at La Guardia 
when the plane took off, a foot and half of snow expected in the 
suburbs, and it meant nothing to me, not anymore. The palms were 
nodding in a languid tropical breeze, the chiggers, no-see-ums and 
mosquitoes were all on vacation somewhere, children scampered 
across the emerald grass and vigorous little birds darted in and out of 
the jasmine and hibiscus. It was early yet, not quite eight. People shuf- 
fled their feet, tapped their watches, gazed hopefully off into the dis- 
tance while 100 Contash greeters moved up and down the line with 
crullers and cardboard cups filled with coffee. 


ILLUSTRATION EY JOHN CRAIG 


73 


74 


The excitement was contagious, and 
yet it was inseparable from a certain cl- 
ement of competitive anxiety—this was 
a random drawing, after all, and there 
would necessarily have to be winners 
and losers. Still, people were outgoing 
and friendly, chatting amongst them- 
selves as if they'd known each other all 
their lives, sharing around cold cuts 
and homemade potato salad, swapping 
stories. Everybody knew the rules— 
there was no favoritism here. Charles 
Contash was founding a town, a pret-a- 
porter community set down in the 
middle of the vacation wonderland it- 
self, with Contash World on one side 
and Game Park U.S.A. on the other, 
and if you wanted in—no matter who 
you were or who you knew—you had 
to stand in line like anybody else. 

Directly in front of me was a sin- 
gle mother in a powder-blue halter 
designed to show off her assets, which 
were considerable, and in front of her 
were two men holding hands; immedi 
ately behind me, silendy masticating 
crullers, was a family of four—mom, 
pop, sis and junior—their faces hag- 
gard and interchangeable, and behind 
them, a black couple burying their 
heads i ssy brochure. The single 
mothe: identified herself only 
as Vicki—had one fat ripe cream puff 
of a baby slung over her left shoulder, 
where it (he? she?) was playing with the 
thin band of her spaghetti strap, while 
the other child, a boy of three or so 
decked out in a striped polo shirt anda 
pair of shorts he could grow into, clung 
to her knee as if he'd been fastened 
there with a strip of Velcro. “So what 
did you say your name was?" she 
asked, swinging around on me for what 
must have been the 100th time in the 
past hour. The baby, in this view, was a 
pair of blinding white diapers and two 
swollen, rooting legs. 

Ttold her my name was Jackson and 
that I was pleased to meet her, and be- 
fore she could ask, “Is that your first 
name or last?” I clarified the issue 
for her: “Jackson Peters Reilly. That's 
my mother’s maiden name. Jackson. 
And her mother's name was Peters.” 

She seemed to consider this a mo- 
ment, her eyes drifting in and out of 
focus. She patted the baby's bottom 
for no good reason. “Wish I'd thought 
of that,” she said. “This one’s Ashley 
and my son's Ethan—say hello, Ethan. 
Ethan?” And then she laughed, a 
hearty, hopeful laugh that had nothing 
to do with rejection, abandonment or a 
night spent on the pavement with two 
exhausted children while holding a 
place something like 400-deep in the 
lottery line. "Of course, my maiden 
name's Silinski, so it wouldn't exact- 
ly sound too feminine for little baby 
Ashley, now would it?” 


She was flirting with me, and that 
was OK, that was fine, because wasn't 
that what I'd come down here for in 
the first place—to upgrade my social 
life? I was tired of New York. Tired of 
LA. Tired of the anonymity, the hassle, 
the grab and squeeze and the hostility 
snarling just beneath the surface of 
every transaction, no matter how small 
or insignificant. “1 don't know,” I said, 
“sounds kind of chic to me. The door- 
bell rings and there's all these neigh- 
borhood kids chanting, ‘Сап Silinski 
come out to play?’ Or the modeling 
agency calls. ‘So what about Silinski,’ 
they say, ‘is she available?" 


I felt a prickle of 
alarm. We were 
all in this together, 
and if everybody 
didn't pitch in 
what was going 
to happen to our 
property values? 


I was doing fine, grinning and 
smooth-talking and sailing right along, 
though my back felt misaligned and my 
right hip throbbed where the pave- 
ment had bitten into it during a mostly 
sleepless night under the amber glow 
of the newly installed Contash street- 
lights. I took a swig from my Evian bot- 
tle, tugged the plastic brim of my visor 
down to keep the sun from irradiating 
the creases at the corners of my eyes. 
There was one more Silinski trope on 
my tongue, the one that would bring 
her to her knees in adoration of my wit 
and charm, but I never got to utter it 
because at that moment the blast of a 
il War cannon announced the ofli- 
ial opening of the lottery, and every- 
body in line crowded closer as 10,000 
balloons, in the powder blue and sun- 
kissed orange of the Contash Corp., 
rose up like a mad flock into the sk 

"Welcome, all you friends and n 
bors," boomed an amplified voi 


„апа 
all eyes went to the head of the line. 


There, atop the four-story tower of the 
sales preview center, a tiny figure in the 
Contash colors held out his arms in 
benediction. “And all you little ones, 
too—and remember, Gulpy Gator and 
Chowchy love you one and all, and so 
does our founder, Charles Contash, 
whose vision of community, of health 
and vigor and good schools and good 
neighbors has never shone more bright- 
ly than it does today in Jubilation! No 
need to crowd, no need to fret. We've 
got 2000 Village Homes, Cottage 
Little Adobes and Mercado 
iluxury apartments available 
today. and 3000 more to come. So wel- 
come, folks, and just step up and draw 
your lucky number from the hopper.” 

‘The press moved forward in all its 
human inevitability, and I had to brace 
myself to avoid trampling the young 
woman in front of me. As it was, the 
family of four gouged their ankles into 
my flesh and I found myself ma 
a nest of my arms for her, for Vicki, 
who in turn was shoved up against the 
hand-holding men in front of her. 1 
could smell her, her breath sweet with 
the mints she'd been sucking all morn- 
ing and the odor of her sweat and per- 
fume rising up out of the confinement 
of her halter top. “Oh, god,” she whis- 
pered. “God, I just pray 

Her hair was in my mouth, caught in 
the bristles of my mustache. It was as if 
we were dancing, doing the macarena 
or forming a conga line, back-to-front. 
“Pray what?” 

Her breath caught and then released 
in a respiratory tumult that was almost 
a sob: “That there's just one Mercado 
Street miniluxury apartment left, just 
one, that's all I ask.” And then she 
paused, the shining new moon of her 
face rising over her shoulder to gaze 
up into mine. “And you,” she breathed. 
“I pray you get what you want, too." 

What 1 wanted was a detached home 
in the North n of town, on 
the near side of the artificial lake, a cool 
$450,000 for a 90-by-30-foot lot and a 
wraparound porch that leered promis- 
cuously at the wraparound porches of 
my neighbors, 10 feet away on either 
side—one of the Casual Contempos or 
even one of the Little Adobes—and I 
wanted it so badly I would have taken 
Charles Contash himself hostage to get 
it. “A Casual Contempo,” 1 said, and 
the family of four strained against me 

She was fighting for position. The 
child underfoot chung like a remora to 
the long tapered muscle of her leg. The 
baby began to fuss. Vicki was put out, 
overwrought, not at all at her best, 1 
could see that, but still her eyebrows 
lifted and she let out a low whistle. 
“Wow,” she said, “you must be ri 

I wasn't rich, not by the standards 

(continued on page 104) 


“I know you're not alone . . . I see bubbles.” 


75 


Him: What's a girl like you doing in a place like this? 
Her: Wanna fuck? 
Him: | thought you'd never ask.—Male, single, 31 


in an online survey. Our goal: to discover the state of ca- 
sual sex in an age of war, AIDS, uncertain economy, 
political conservatism and chat rooms. What, we wondered, 
has become of the one-night stand, the random hookup, the 
booty call, the good old-fashioned no-strings-attached fuck? 
Almost 10,000 people responded, answering a 43-item ques- 
tionnaire ard recounting conquests in four essay questions. 
Frankly, we'te surprised they found the time, because the data 
they helped us compile suggest that for many Americans, the 
pursuit of casual sex isn't just a staple of reality TV—it's an in- 
alienable right. Six out of 10 of our respondents said they were 
having as much or more casual sex now than five years ago. 
Not surprisingly, most respondents were young (median age 
for men was 26, for women it was 23). Two thirds were sin- 
gle, though more than half of married respondents admitted to 
engaging in casual sex with someone other than their spouse 
in the past year. How casual were their encounters? True con- 
fessions spoke of getting freaky on the dance floor with 
strangers, throwing caution to the wind in elevators with new 
acquaintances, floating the light fantastic in hot tubs and get 
ting buck wild in parks, alleys and those reliable standbys, 
backseats. Consider the following warp-speed courtship, cour- 
tesy of one of our respondents: 


R ecently we invited visitors to playboy.com to participate 


PHOTOGRE 


I was at a club with my girlfriends when this guy started 
freaking with me. Pretty soon we were kissing. Then he un- 
did а couple of buttons on my blouse and started sucking 
my nipples. | slid my hand inside his pants and stroked his 
dick, and he reached under my skirt to rub my clit. | was so 
wet and horny, | couldn't wait. We moved to a corner up 
against a wall. It took about two seconds for him to pull my 
panties to the side, unzip and start fucking me from be- 
hind. 1 came almost immediately, and three more times be- 
fore he came. When we got our breath back, he gave me a 
quick kiss and we both went to look for our friends. We nev- 
er even spoke.—Female, single, 27 


Thrill of the Hunt 

That thrills-over-frills approach was also reflected in our sub- 
jects’ language. Two thirds preferred the unadorned term 
fucking. Almost half called it hooking up. Relatively few (19 
percent of men, 17 percent of women) referred to the sexual 
act as making love. We also heard the terms slam muffi 
fuck buddies, one-hit wonders and our favorite, “the sexual 
relief of the week.” 

There was no consensus on how many times you could 
hook up with someone before it became a relationship. It was 
more a matter of intent than time. Two thirds of our subjects 
defined casual sex as simply sex for se: with no 
thought of becoming serious. Half cited spontaneity (i.e., it 
was casual if it was unplanned). About a third admitted to 
having casual sex with former lovers, the old-flame fuck. 


sex surve 


Data in the Raw 


Our respondents play with their percentages 


How hot is hot? 


% of the men and of the women we sur- 
veyed said they'd had sex within six hours of meeting 
someone for the first time. Define your terms 
Have someone they see just for sex, i.e., a fuck buddy 
Men: 40% Women: 


What's the frequency? 


Have had casual sex more than 10 times in 
the past year 

Men: 24% Women: 3 

Have had sex with two different people 

in a 24-hour period 
Men: 52% Women: 5: 
Have had sex with three or more people 
їп а single week 
Men: 38% Women: 


Have not had casual sex in the past year 
(ie., they're in a monogamous relationship 
or in a coma) 

Men; 35% Women: 


Where they last hooked up 
Party: 11% 


Dance club: 7% 


What is the longest time 


you’ve gone without sex? 


Less than a month 
Men: 26% Women: 34% 


Broke their dry spell in а casual encounter 
% Women: 507 


Lost their virginity in a casual encounter 


Have had casual sex with someone else while in a 
steady relationship 


Men: 54% Women: 62? 
Consider that to be cheating 
Men: 5 Women: 


Do not think a lap d counts as sex 
Men: 90% Women: 
Have had oral sex, but not intercourse, with more than 
five people 
Men: 24% 


Women: 


40% of the men and 42% of the 
women said the best sex they ever 
had was in a casual encounter 


What they do 


Mutual masturbation — 


Men: 48% Women: 
Oral sex 

Men: 83% Women: 8 
Anal sex 

Men: 25% Women: 30% 
Bondage 

Men: Women 17% 
Watch porn together 
Men: Women 

Sex toys 

Men: 18% Women: 28% 


Take a shower together 
Men: 52% Women: 4 


Group sex 
Men: 14% Women: 2 


When asked to explain why they pursued casual sex, three 
quarters of men and women credited excitement or acute 
horniness. About half attributed it to meeting someone they 
couldn't resist, the need for variety or the desire to have sex 
without the baggage of an actual relationship. One in four 
thought casual sex was a great workout. Hookup hopefuls 
reported being horny 24/7 but said they do most of their 
carousing on Friday and Saturday nights. Most subjects find a 
partner the traditional way—after getting hammered at a bar, 
dance club or college party. 

Significantly, we did not find that the Internet had revolu- 
tionized casual sex, as so many headlines have trumpeted. A 
mere six percent of our sexual adventurers had made a lust 
connection in chat rooms. A word to the intrepid: The Net was 
mentioned in many “worst hookup” stories. 


Head Games 
When it came to the subtle psychology of casual sex, there 
were distinct differences between the sexes. 

Women were twice as likely as men (3 vs. 2] 
to have had a fling to make a third party jealous, or be- 
cause they were angry at someone. 

Iwas at a wrestling match, talking to one of the cheerlead- 
ers, and she asked me to take her home. When we got to her 
house, we proceeded to strip naked and get it on in the show- 
er. As we walked out of the bathroom, her boyfriend, a 
wrestler, was waiting in the doorway. He was not happy that І 
had just fucked his girl, and he beat the living shit out of me. 
As I left, | heard her thank her boyfriend and then she began 
to have sex with him.—Male, single, 27 

More men than women said their competitive na- 
ture or dares from friends were contributing factors in 
having casual sex. 

A female friend of my roommate had come over, and my 
roommate was flirting with her, so | stayed away—until we 
Started playing drinking games. We were dared to kiss each 


Snapshots 


liquid Courage 


Eight out of 10 of our subjects cited booze as 
a basic ingredient in casual sex. Want to shed 
inhibitions? When asked who initiated sex, 
about 25% said they did or the other person 
did, 40% said it was mutual, and 8% said 
they couldn't remember because they were 
drunk. There is a fine line between maintaining 
a buzz and boarding the oblivion express. 


I look for a guy with tattoos and a sense of humor. When 
I'm drinking | become more forward. If the man fucks my 
mind and my panties are wet and my pussy is throbbing, 
then basically he will be fucking me by the end of the 
night.—Female, single, 29 


She wanted to have sex so | obliged. I blew my load in about 
a minute. | told her | had whiskey dick to explain why | was 
а one-pump chump. Later, she told her friends that I was the 
guy who couldn't keep it up.—Male, single, 22 


We stumbled into an alley by the bar and started having sex. 
We both were pretty lit and didn't notice two cops sitting in 
their patrol car about 30 yards away. We were arrested for in- 
decent exposure and public drunkenness.—Male, single, 21 


“Casual sex is a possibility when 
I'm clicking with a guy and I allow 


myself to ‘slut out.’”—Female, 21 


other, and even though it pissed my roommate off, | enjoyed 
it thoroughly. The night went on with her rubbing her hands 
all over my body under the table until we finally ran upstairs 
to my room. The only awkward part was when | realized | was 
out of condoms. She went back downstairs buck naked to ask 
my roommate for one.—Male, single, 26 

In past surveys, casual sex implied a wham-bam-thank- 
you-ma'am disregard tor quality coitus. No more. On the ba- 
sics (oral sex and intercourse), favorite positions or number of 
Orgasms per encounter, there was no difference between the 
sex you get in a relationship and the sex you get on the fly. A 
significant number of casual sex encounters involved what 
used to be known as kinky stuff [see Data]. 

Why the shift, toward more casual sex, less guilt and more 
experimentation? One respondent may have hit upon the rea- 
son—a change in women's attitudes: 

My best hookup was with a former boyfriend. We had been 
drinking, went to his place, stripped and went at each other 
tooth and tongue. When | was to the point where | just want- 
ed to fuck, he held me down (the way I like it) and went for so 
long that | came several times within an hour. 1 woke up about 
half an hour later, pushed him off me (he was out cold) and 
slept in a different room. The next morning he asked me if | 
had used him. It was the best feeling to say, "Well, to be per- 
fectly honest, yes. "—Female, single, 19 

Thanks for helping with the survey. Was it good for you, too? 


Recreational drugs were also a factor. More than a 
quarter of respondents admitted to toking and pok- 
ing. Smaller numbers had combined cocaine (9%) or 
ecstasy (8%) with sex. Our most interesting finding: 
Eight percent of the men had tried Viagra during a 
night of casual sex, and almost half of those were un- 
der 25 years of age. Conclusion: They wanted insur- 
ance against alcohol-induced failure. Even Viagra had 
unexpected consequences: 


One night I got curious and took Viagra prior to seeing a 
fuck buddy. The sex (which was always great) was mar- 
Binally better, if that. In fact, all | remember from the ex- 
perience was having the worst headache ever. Then she 
found out that | had taken the Viagra. She never forgave 
me.—Male, single, 31 


Significant findings, strange 
stories and news you can use 


The 


75% of - 
Fear Factors ea our sespon- 


Я cern was contracting а sexual- M 
facing tne Consequences ly transmitted disease (more I VIO or n [| in [o | 
of casual sex than half had had an HIV test; y 


the subject was a topic of con- 
versation in almost half the 


After 


abou 


their repu hookups). Some 60% cited a 

Меп v en = his fear of pregnancy; more than How we handle it 
3 Жып те lations Ц ; СЕ half always use a condom or 
hee birth control during casual sex. 


E Sm > mi 


ti Onl: % of the men 
a: nd Y 


and 55% of the wom- 
en said they knew the 
first and last names of 
every person with whom 
they'd had sex. 


ney 
See but she \ wt 
to kill herself if | on medication foran STD. 
er en of | a LO ine 
She finally > my penis, ‚and of co 
ieu afi ft та year — Male, divo ivorced, 30 LU ОЕШ , divi 


1 always ask for a phone num- 
ber the next morning in hopes 
that she'll write her name along 
А a with it. That trick usually works, 
Had Sex їп a Public Place ЩИ 

о, and say, “What's my name?” 
26% —Male, single, 33 


If he asks for my number I'll give 
it but then screen all my calls. 
—Female, single, 25 


Sometimes | sneak out or tell 
her 1 have to get to a meeting 
If she is worth pursuing, | do 
the breakfast-and-blood: 
thing.—Male, divorced, 30 


I tend to avoid “morning aft 

by taking off or tossing them 

у out before sunrise. If they hang 
H around, | make breakfast and 
get rid of them as soon as pos- 

, sible, particularly during foot- 
ч | „> ball season.—Male, single, 25 


The morning after? What's 
! that?—Male, single, 25 


Ң If of id they had 
Coitus Interruptus | iier tesoros 
scrutiny often derailed passio! % of 


the women and 10% of the guys found 
themselves turned off by their partner. 


It's not always smooth sailing 


2196 of our subjects had been interrupted during a 
hookup—by roommates, strangers, or worse. 15% of women (but only of men) stopped an en- 
I was with a great-looking girl. It was our third date. We hadn't counter when the other person requested a form of sex 
even shared a passionate kiss when—wham!—she was all over that made them uncomfortable. 

me in her parents’ kitchen. | just let go and we started ripping It was late, and we went to her place and were getting naked like it 
our clothes off. Then the dog came in. Not a small yappy dog was the last time we were ever going to have sex. Everything was 
but a 140-pound rottweiler named Bunny. Bunny was very pro- cool until she took out this crazy-looking toy she wanted to try on me. 
tective and bit into the back of my calf. So I'm lying on the Iwas like, "no," and that was the end of that.—Male, single, 20 
kitchen floor, my pants around my ankles, and a dog is gnawing 

on my leg. My date was so freaked about the dog that she didnt Hooked up with the hottest chick in the 
even bother to come to the emergency room with me. I went А PN ni 
home 37 stitches later— Male, divorced, 39 club. When І took her top off, she had 


more chest hair than me.—Male, 20 


In Their Own Words A 


The hot, the heavy, the hilarious 


Location, Location, Location 
sitt ffee shop studying f 


floor. She didn't 

remember any- 

thing from the 

night before. 

She was so 

amazed that 

she woke up 

fully clothed. A couple minutes later | got out of the shower and 
she started flirting with me and grabbing my towel. Mean- 
while, my buddy keeps calling every 30 seconds, telling me to 
hurry up. We end up fucking in three different positions over a 
quick few minutes. When | finished, we threw on our clothes 
and ran for the elevator. My head was pounding, but | had a 
pretty solid story for my golf buddies.—Male, single, 33 


Slippery When Wet 

1 went to a strip club with some friends. As a woman | thought 
I'd have a good time watching the boys try to get with these 
girls. Turns out | was the one who wanted one of them. When 
she came out onstage, all | could think about was what she 
would look like nude. 

When her top finally 

fell to the floor, she 

was more perfect 

than | thought possi- 

ble. After her dance 

she came out into 

the club and | spoke 

with her. | thought 

there was no way | 

would go home with 

her, so | didn't try. 

She kept touching 

the back of my neck 

as she walked by, so 

1 slipped her my 

number. | was in my 

car and halfway to 

my house when my 

cell rang. She gave 

me directions to her 

place. When | ar- 

rived we slid into her 

hot tub. She was the 

first woman | had 

ever been with. She knew exactly what | wanted and she gave 
all of it to me. | will never forget the way her silky body felt 
against mine.—Female, single, 27 


Camp Casual 

While working at a summer camp, | met another employee 
We ended up chatting for a while in sarcastic—but at the 
same time flirtatious—tones, as parts of the conversation 
were Solely devoted to sex. By the end of the evening the sex- 
ual tension was ridiculous. We moved to a more private loca- 
tion, the loft of a barn, with a blanket and a bunch of con- 
doms. | was finally fucked the way | would like to be all the 
time. The sex kept on coming; | was still awake when the sun 
came up and was fully energized from all the sex. | guess it 
just gets your blood going. ! kept going back for more all 
summer.—Female, single, 22 


“Town really hasn't been the same since the meteor shower.” 


| nS чаак! Dan Donegan 
tarist 


| 
а — LJ ®. course in road 
Wy , | = survival? Disturbed шаг: 

| l | a Ё guitarist pan or disturbed 

i » CUm а - a ЕЕ | Donegan has done two 

1 B ] = | < Dzzfests and lived to tell 

JL. Р -- about it. His tip: Isolation 

- is the key to keeping 

we screen the carry-ons of ERE 

wise from top): Hip Gear's 

5 id controll 
three celebs to see what gear C 


half-inch LCD screen for 
goes best on the road wilata Von the bus 24 


(5150-5170) The Sam- 
sung SPH-i500 cell 


phone-PDA combo has a 
Tony Haw! The skateboarding superstar has been built-in GPS for finding the 
touring skate parks since his teens next gig (about $600). To 
oro without a serious injury, save for this seal out noisy bandmates, 
skateboarder pain in the ass: “Ihad a lot of valuable Donegan uses Koss Pro- 
Stuff stolen from a bag | checked on a trip to 4AAT home stereophones 
Chile. Now I never check stuff | can't live with- with closed-ear cushions 
out.” eIn his bag (clockwise from top): Sony's ($100). He attaches them 
DCR-TR/80 camcorder wirelessly transfers footage to Bantam Interactive's 
to a computer via Bluetooth ($1500). Apple iPods BA1000, an MP3 player 
are now available with 30GB of memory, enough that can encode songs 
to store 7500 songs ($500). Hawk can prank-call without a PC ($300) 
pal Tom Green on the Danger Hiptop cell phone *Dther items: guitar picks, 
PDA or flip out the color screen for web browsing a Metallica Ride the 
and e-mail ($300). «Other items: a spare set of Lightning CD and panties 
wheels, skateboard tools and XL Band-Aids. from a groupie in Dallas. 


or was it Toledo? 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY DAVIS FACTOR/ 
MERCURY ARTIST GROUP 


\ a. Sunrise Adams уу е" 


Sunrise 
N adult 
шт star Adams packs 


everything 
you'd expect from the 
niece of porn legend 
Sunset Thomas. "I've 
actually never had a bad 
travel experience,” she 
says. “Then again, I'm 
only 20." «In her bag 
(clockwise from below) 
The 3.2-megapixel 
Pentax Optio S digital 
camera fits inside an 
Altoids tin ($425), She 
uses Motorola's 17221 
with a full-color display 
and external caller ID 
(8200). Adams can 
watch There's Some- 
thing About Mary or 
There's Something About 
Merrie's Ass on the five: 
inch screen of Panason: 
ic's PalmTheater portable 
DVD player ($600). eDth- 

| er items: mad money, 
photos of her dogs, Ku- 
joe and Tinkerbelle, and 

| a really good fake 1D. 


ID BUY CN PAGE 149 


FLAT DOT 


84 


JAILBAIT 


(continued from page 64) 
Jason scored his dime bags. But the 
dealer—whom Jason insisted not be 
identified—was reluctant to do busi- 
ness in front of a stranger, so Amber 
waited in the car while Jason went in 
with her money. “She gave me the 20 
bucks, and I brought the bag out for 
her,” he says. 

By that time, Jason had already tak- 
en Amber to the cemetery, one of the 
few places outside the bowling alley or 
the shopping center where kids went to 
relax. They stood among the tomb- 
stones in the midafternoon sun while 
Jason rolled a fatty from his own sup- 
ply. He took a drag and offered the 
joint to Amber. “She said no thanks, 
that she was going home later and her 
mother would kill her if she saw her 
stoned,” he recalls. 

Talking about her mother depressed 
her, Amber told Jason. She complained 
about how poor they were, living in a 
shitty place in Roaring Spring, half an 
hour away. Had Jason been even a tiny 
bit alert, he might have noted that if 
Amber lived with her mother in Roar- 
ing Spring, she most likely would not 
have gone to Altoona but rather to a 
high school closer to her home 

Over the course of the investigation, 
Jason allegedly helped Amber get $80 
worth of weed, and his friends say he 
began bragging to them that he'd suc- 
ceeded where Bobby had failed. “Jason 
said he and Amber had gotten drunk 
and had sex one day after school,” savs 
Malicia. “And I don't see why he would 
lie about it. I mean, usually. it’s the girls 
who lie about having had sex with him.” 

Now, talking to me almost a year af- 
ter the fact, he says he regrets starting 
that rumor. “I don't know why people 
keep saying that about me,” he says. 
“Every time they bring it up I have to 
say, No, I didn't really fuck her." Then 
he paused and said, “Look, I wish 1 
had, because it would make your story 
beuer. But I did get her phone number 
and I called her once.” 


JONA 

It was April now, two months before 
graduation, when Amber went to Jona- 
than Rhodes's house. “She came by 
about 15 minutes after school,” says 
Jonathan, a bright, sensitive kid who 
identifies himself as a former heroin 
addict. Jonathan smiles easily, reveal- 
ing a row of ruined teeth, prematurely 
yellowed by a hepatitis С infection. 
"She asked me if 1 had a rig. She said if 
I'd hit her she'd split a bag with me. 
What was I gonna sa 

Jonathan was so excited that he 
didn't bother to bring his whole kit— 


N'S KISS. 


he just grabbed a needle, a bottle of wa- 
ter, a tie and a spoon, and ran down- 
stairs to meet Amber in her car. They 
drove to an alley by a seldom-used 
baseball field, Jonathan gestures to a 
patch of gravel and crabgrass in front 
of the field where it happened. “She 
said she had to go home or whatever, 
so we did it up real quick. I put the 
needle in her arm.” 

Jonathan says that after shooting up 
they drove aimlessly around the neigh- 
borhood—past the check-cashing store 
with the plywood door; and the bowl- 
ing alley, hugely popular with the pom- 
padour-and-acid-wash generation. 
They made stoner conversation and 
smoked cigarettes. 

“We talked about her mom,” says 

Jonathan. “She said she was thinking 
about moving to Altoona from Roaring 
Spring. She said she wanted to sleep at 
my house if she did.” 
Amber and Jonathan sat in 
ing in front of his house, 
Jonathan leaned over and kissed her 
оп the mouth, “a real kiss.” he says 
Leaving the car, he recalls thinking 
that the next time they got together, he 
could get her to go all the way. 

But he never got the chance to test 
his hunch. Amber was moving on to 
other guys and never spent time alone 
with Jonathan agai 

“T got one ki 
“That was it.” 


* Jonathan says, 


THE LESSON 


Оп the morning of May 29, 2002, a 
swarm of local and state officers arrived 
at Altoona Area High. They burst into 
first-period classes, where they hand- 
cuffed several kids in front of their 
openmouthed classmates. “That was 
intentional,” says Jack Reilly, the 
school's security chief. “We wanted to 
send a message and teach a lesson." 

Bobby was stunned when they called 
his name. He protested his innocence, 
became belligerent and made a scene, 
thrashing his big arms with such vio- 
Тепсе it took two cops to pin him against 
the orange metal lockers in the hallway. 

They stopped Malicia, who was walk- 
ing to class. She was floored. “I remem- 
ber thinking, This must be some kind 
of mistake," she says, "and they were 
reading me this paper, saying 1 handed 
them drugs, and undercover agent Jes- 
sica Miller this and Jessica Miller that, 
and I was like, I don't know anybody 
by that name.” 

Then Malicia had an epiphany. “I 
all of sudden saw her face in front of 
me, and I was like, Oh god, I'm total- 
ly busted. They put the cuffs on me 
and walked me down this long hall- 
way in front of everyone. It was really 
humiliating. " 


Later, at the courthouse, Bobby 
watched Amber walk right by him. He 
wasn't sure it was her, because she 
looked radically different in the dim 
light of the marbled foyer. No longer 
dressed to flirt, she was wearing a dark 
suit, and her long blonde hair was 
pulled tight in a bun. She looked like a 
Fortune 500 executive. But when she 
drew close, he knew it was the same girl 
with blue eye shadow he had wanted to 
nail so badly—only now it was clear 
who had screwed who. 

When Malicia saw that Bobby had 
been arrested, too, she turned to him 
and made eye contact. “Bobby,” she 
whispered, “what happened?” He just 
shrugged. Then she broke down in 
tears. 

The police found Jason at home. He 
was "running late for school that day," 
he says, and was still up in the bath- 
room brushing his teeth when a school 
security guard and a burly Altoona cop 
charged up the creaky stairs to get him. 
He listened to his Miranda rights with 
a mouthful of Crest. Then he was taken 
to the police station 

News of the arrests spread quick. 
ly among the student body, hastened 
by a flurry of cell phone calls. "My 
daughter was out on a bus on a class 
tip that day,” recalls Thomas 
Bradley, spokesperson for the Altoona 
school district. “She'd heard all about 
it. The whole bus was talking about 
the undercover operation.” 

“It basically annihilated the end of 
my semester,” says De Piro, the ware- 
housing teacher. “I just couldn't get the 
Kids back after that. Whether they were 
angry or what, they couldn't move on.” 

On Smokers’ Corner, paranoia took 
hold. Everyone wondered who would 
be arrested next. They all knew there 
were heroin and crack dealers in the 
neighborhoods around the school; 
they suspected the cops wouldn't settle 
for a few kids who had peddled some 
shake to a narc. Jonathan, of course, 
feared the worst, and he went straight 
home to hide any evidence of his ad- 
diction and to cleanse his bedroom of 
heroin traces. Then he waited for a 
knock on the door. 


THE ROAD LESS TRAVELED 


That afternoon, while Jonathan wor- 
ried about his fate and the arrested 
kids sat in holding cells, school officials 
summoned the local press. 
As video cameras rolled, school su- 
perintendent Dennis Murray, in a fine 
gray suit, opened the event by invok- 
ing Dickens and Frost, while half a 
dozen local reporters took notes. “We 
took the road less traveled in this in- 
stance,” he said. “We took an extreme 
(continued on page 144) 


“Do you want fries with that?” 


“hey there, going my way?” 


) HEN COLLEEN MARIE popped into our office, she struck us as the kind of girl who can kick back and feel com- 
- fortable in any environment. The 26-year-old has zero attitude, a homegrown allure and a self-deprecat- 

ing sense of humor that instantly puts you at ease. Colleen was raised in Dallas and lived in Baton Rouge 

Wi for eight years while studying veterinary medicine. “I'm not a Southern belle who's like, ‘Could you fetch 
é me my coat? though I do prefer my tea with ice in it," she says. "I have one older sister and our dad raised 
us like sons, so we did all the outdoor chores and went fishing with him." In fact, Colleen’s tomboy ways persisted even af- 
ter she blossomed. "1 blended into the walls and got teased a lot at school, which made me realize in the eighth grade that 
1 had to start brushing my hair. I never felt pretty until people told me. I was in college, and, of course, it went straight to 
my head! A year later 1 got it under control, and that's when I started to model.” Even with a busy schedule of model- 
ing jobs. Miss August achieved her dream of becoming an animal doctor a year ago. “I am so fortunate to be able to do 
two things 1 love this much," she says. At the age of 24, Colleen drove across the country to share a home with her 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY ARNY FREYTAG 


"I'm port Cherokee,” says Colleen. "I tan eos- 

ily ond hove dark hair and high cheekbones, 

sa that’s my link to that heritage. I'm olsa 

Germon, Irish ond moybe French. I'm Heinz 
| Varieties, like so many Americans.” 


VIDEO AND MORE NUDES.OF 
MISS AUGUST AT CYBER.PLAYBOY.COM. 


sister in Las Vegas. “My sis- 
ter and I don't have any at- 
tachments and had never 
lived west of Texas, so we 
wanted to experiment,” she 
says. “I work for one of the 
better-known exotic vets in 
town. We see rats, snakes, 
ferrets, lizards—anything 
and everything. There was 
a traveling freak show that 
had an act featuring a taran- 
tula, and it ripped off one of 
its legs. 1 handed it to my 
boss and said, ‘It’s all up to 
you. I don't do spiders.’ We 
glued its wound shut and 
gave it an antibiotic injec- 
tion. Then we were invited 
to watch it perform.” 
Colleen offers these tips 
on how to express your own 
animal attraction: “Don't 
stand behind me and scope 
me out for 10 minutes, be- 
I'll see you doing it 
"ll make you look like а 
dumbass,” she says. “Pickup 
lines can be amusing, but it's 
a scary place to go if you're 
not that funny. You can pret- 
ty much do anything wrong 
and I'll forgive you as long 
as you're honest. Also, I like 
guys with big, girly eyelash- 
es. It's a total jealousy thing 
because 1 have none. I wear 
makeup only when 1 go out 
for a big night with the girls 
or when I'm modeling.” Dr 
Colleen is in touch her 
inner wildcat and confesses 
to having a few body pierc- 
ings, though she won't tell 
us exactly where all of them 
are. “I have a split personal- 
ity—the doctor side and the 
fun side,” she says. “I try to 
make it a good mi: 


"| conned my friend into driv- 
ing across the country with 
me when 1 moved,” says Miss 
August. “My 60-pound dog, 
Kobie, freaked out once on the 
interstate and wedged himself 
under the U-Haul's pedal 
Thank god for cruise contr 


PLAYMATE DATA SHEET 


NAME _ Collen Me 
BUST MI LIN WAIST pe HIPS Y 
muc. DT — amen. \@О\Ь 

BIRTH DATE: Coe BIRTHPLACE: 


gà cannes Mas An A des Чой 
TURNOFFS: 
mous open, Mesina off. 
PRIOR PLAYBOY APPEARANCES: Cose Gids Feb aw, Book af - 


ie j @ ool. 


MY PIERCINGS: 


FAVORITE OUTDOOR ACTIVITIES: EUN alos, en cos don 
С 


FAVORITE INDOOR ACTIVITIES: \ 


dm. 


CITIES I HAVE CALLED HOME: 


Hien School senior m sister, Kie, and me EET pic 
ihre, 1995, a ое paa е atop Di Dia „беге, 
Cie, Texas hair zy LSU! GeauyTiaccsil 


— OR e 


PLAYBOY’S PARTY JOKES 


THIS MONTH'S MOST FREQUENT SUBMISSION: A few 
days after the war started, a group of Saddam 
Hussein's body doubles met with Iraq's minis- 
ter of defense. He said, “I have good news and 
bad news. The good news is, Saddam is still 
alive, so you all have jobs. The bad news is, 
he lost an arm.” 


A man joined a dating service to find a mate. 
He requested a woman who enjoyed water 
sports and liked formal attire. They set him 
up with a penguin. 


A freshman in college worked up the nerve to 
ask a pretty senior for a dance at homecoming. 
She gave him the once-over and said, “Sorry, 
1 won't dance wil 

“Please forgive me,” he s 
you were pregnant." 


id. “I didn't realize 


BLONDE JOKE or THE MONTH: A young blonde 
asked her doctor to remove a large chunk of 
green wax from her navel. The doctor asked, 
"How did this happen?" 

She replied, “My boyfriend insists on eating 
by candlelight.” 


A king suspected his wife was being unfaithful 
to him, so he secretly taped a tiny razor blade 
to her vagina. Three days later, he ordered hi 
knights to drop their pants. They all had ban- 
daged penises, except for one. The king said 
to him, "I always knew that you were my most 
loyal knight. 

He replied, “It wath nothing, Your Magethy.” 


An elderly man told his doctor, “I'd like you to 
give me something to lower my sex drive.” 
The doctor said, "That's an odd request for 
а man your age. Your sex drive is too hı 
“That's right,” the man replied. “It's 
my head. I'd like it to be three feet lower. 


A teenage girl brought her new boyfriend 
home to meet her parents. They were appalled 
by his leather jacket, motorcycle boots, tattoos 
and pierced nose. Later, the parents pulled 
their daughter aside and confessed their con- 
cern. “Dear,” the mother said, “he doesn't 
seem very nice. 

“Oh please, Mom,” the daughter replied. “If 
he wasn't nice, why would he be doing 500 
hours of community service?” 


A German Jew visited a rabbi and told him, 
“My conscience has been troubling me and 
1 need your guidance. During World War II, 
1 changed my name from Birnbaum to Van 
Buren and pretended to be a gentile. Was 
this wrong?” 

The rabbi replied, “You did what you had 
to do to survive through difficult times. Don't 
trouble yourself.” 

‘The man continued, “During the war, I took 
in a refugee, a beautiful young girl, and hid 
her in my basement. In exchange for protect- 
ing her, she performed oral sex on me. Was 
this sinful?” 

The rabbi replied, “You were under a tre- 
mendous amount of stress. God will forgive 
you if you are genuinely sorry. 

The man sighed and confessed, “Well, that's 
the thing, Rabbi. I haven't told her that the 
war's over yet." 


Р. луһоу cuassıc: A worldly man told his 
drinking companions, “If I've learned one 
thing about women, it's that you can't trust a 
girl with brown eyes." 

One inebriated friend said, "Shit. I have no 
idea what color my wife's eyes arc." 

He finished his drink and hurried home to 
investigate. His wife was in bed, apparently 
asleep. Not wanting to wake her from her 
slumber, he sat down beside her and carefully 
lifted an eyelid. 

“Brown!” he exclaimed 

His neighbor, Mr. Brown, crawled out from 
under the bed and said, “How the hell did you 
know I was here?” 


Mey {linear 


What type of meat do priests eat on Fridays? 
Nun. 


A bear walked into a bar. The bartender 
asked, “What can I get for you?” 

The bear replied, “ГЇЇ have a gin апа... 
tonic." 

The bartender said, “OK, but what's with 
the pause? 

The bear said, “1 was born with them." 


Send your jokes on postcards to Party Jokes Editor, 
PLAYBOY, 680 North Lake Shore Drive, Chicago, 
Illinois 60611, or by e-mail to jokes@playboy.com. 
$100 will be paid to the contributor whose submis- 
sion is selected. Sorry, jokes cannot be returned. 


"Hey! I should be the one getting an acting award 
with that creep for six months!” 


. - - I slept 


99 


SPORTS MOMENTS 
OF THE 


NEW MILLENNIUM 


IT’S ONLY 2003, BUT SO WHAT? OUR FAVORITE SPORTS SHOW HELPS US 
PICK THE WEIRDEST, WACKIEST EVENTS IN RECENT RECORDED HISTORY 


BY KEVIN 


It was the best of times, it was the damnedest of times. It 
was Shaq and Kobe, Tiger and Lance, Chucky, Barry, A-Rod 
and the Unit. lt was Venus and Serena dominating, George 
Bush choking, the Mets toking and a guy trying to walk from 
Los Angeles to Sydney. 

It was 2000, 2001, 2002 and some of 2003—perhaps the 
greatest and certainly the shortest millennium of our time. 
But why wait another 97 years to put this century's best 


October 5, 2001 Pacific Bell Park, San Francisco 

Three years after beloved, bulky Mark McGwire set а new mark for home 
runs, widely despised bulky bad guy Barry Bonds knocks Big Mac out of 
the record book. Critics say Bonds might be on steroids as he pumps 
homers 71 and 72 out of Pac Bell Park on his way to а 73-homer season. 
John Salley: "Our show is for steroids. What I hate is Bonds's home run 
trot. We timed him—he took 33 seconds to go around the bases.” 

Chris Rose: "I got tingly when McGwire hit his 70th. That's what was 
missing with Bond: 


February 22, 2000 NHL HQ, New York 

Boston Bruins goon Marty McSorley's NHL career ends when he attacks 
the Canucks’ Donald Brashear. After smashing Brashear—one of pro 
hockey's few black players—over the head with his stick and knocking 
him out, McSorley is suspended for the remainder of the season, which 
will be his last. Lucky fans were treated to heavy-rotation replays of 
Brashear's bloodied head bouncing on the ice. 


соок 


sports moments into perspective? Determined to beat 
everyone else to the punch, we huddled with the stars of Fox 
TV's Best Damn Sports Show, Period—Tom Arnold, Chris 
Rose, John Salley and Michael Irvin. Over drinks, dinner and 
stogies at a restaurant in Beverly Hills, we kicked around 
more than 100 ideas and finally came up with this definitive 
list. It may not settle every bet. It may not end any argu- 
ments. But it is definitely a damn list. 


19 | 
February 22, 2003 
Memphis 
A new-look Mike Tyson preps for 
fight with Clifford “the Black Rhino' 
Etienne by getting his face tattooed. 
! didn't like the way my face was 
looking,” explains Iron Mike, whose 
clawed spiral joins tats of Mao and 
Arthur Ashe on the former champ. 
Boxing authorities, doctors and even 
top skin artists debate the wisdom of 
getting a tattoo on one’s face just be- 
fore a heavyweight fight (“Something 
might happen that would damage the 
tattoo,” says a leading tat man at the 
Skin Factor in Las Vegas). 

Not to worry. Tyson tattoos Etienne 
with punches, dropping the ex-con 
with a pile-driving right hand 49 sec- 
onds into the first round. 


February 3, 2002 
The Superdome, New Orleans 

Mariah Carey screeches the National 
Anthem, then the New England Patri- 
ots pull off one of the biggest Super 
Bowl upsets ever. The Pats were two- 
touchdown underdogs going into the 
game against the TD-machine St. 
Louis Rams (and 70-1 preseason 
long shots to win the Super Bowl). 
Could one-season phenom Tom Brady 
continue to buck the odds? Indeed he 
could. America held its breath as New 
England won 20-17 with no time left 
on the clock, thanks to a 4B-yard field 
goal by Adam Vinatieri—a distant 
cousin of daredevil Evel Knievel. 

Tom Amold: “Mariah sang at the NBA 
All-Star game, too, and she was great! 
She sandwiched her craziness be- 
tween two damn fine performances.” 


YOU THROW, GIRL 


July 30, 2002 
Staples Center, Los Angeles 

In a game against the Miami Sol, center Lisa 
Leslie of the Los Angeles Sparks throws down 
the first dunk in WNBA history. The moment 
makes highlight reels worldwide and makes 
the 6'5" Leslie—for one night—the most fa- 
mous hoopster in LA. 

Salley: “I was there with my daughters. 
They'll never forget it. They think she could 
dunk on Daddy.” 


TOUR DE LANCE 


July 28, 2002 Paris 

Lance Armstrong, minus a testicle after beating cancer, trounces the 
world's best cyclists to win his fourth straight Tour de France. This sum- 
mer he'll try to match the all-time high of five consecutive wins, but he 
has already passed Greg LeMond as the top American cyclist. Maybe 
Armstrong's winning battle against cancer did more than build character. 
His friend Robin Williams says Lance has an advantage: With only one 
ball, he is “more aerodynamic.” 

Rose: “He might be the best athlete of our time." 

Arnold: “Who, Robin Williams? Get out!” 


13 | TONYA WHUPS PAULA 


March 13, 2002 Fox TV studios, Los Angeles 

If the title didn't grab you—Celebrity Boxing—then the promise of third- 
tier luminaries mauling each other on Fox TV had an undeniable allure. 
And while there was a certain fascination in watching a paunchy Barry 
“Greg Brady" Williams getting knocked around by a pissed-off Danny 
Bonaduce, there was little question about the main event: trailer-park ti- 
tan Tonya Harding versus alleged Bill Clinton pokee Paula Jones, who 
was in the ring only because Amy Fisher's parole board wouldn't let her 
box. Jones appears terrified from the opening bell. The sloppy, one-sided 
catfight mercifully ends when Harding wins a third-round TKO. 


KOURNIKOVA WINS! 


December 13, 2001 
Cyberspace 
Anna Kournikova be- 
comes the top name 
for Internet searches, 
making the Russian 
tennis cutie one of the 
most hit-on women in 
the world. (In 2001 a 
virus cleverly dubbed 
AnnaKournikova.jpg 
threatened servers 
worldwide.) Kourniko- 
va has won zero tour- 
naments since she 
turned pro in 1996, 
but her occasionally 
see-through tops have 
made her a cyber 
champ, far outstrip- 
ping Martina Hingis— 
the star one site calls 
Anna's “fellow nip- 
| stress.” That's only 
part of a busy off- 
court season for Anna: 
battling Penthouse 
magazine over bogus 
topless paparazzi pho- 
tos, dealing with news. 
reports that she had 
been secretly married 
to (and divorced from) 
Detroit Red Wings 
hockey star Sergei Fe- 
dorov and cavorting 
with lucky Enrique 
Iglesias on MTV. 


DUDE, WHERE’S MY MITT? 


September 20, 2002 

Shea Stadium, Queens, New York 
Newsday reports that several New York 
Mets have been suspected of smoking 
pot during the season and runs a photo 
of pitcher Grant Roberts sucking on a 
bong in 1999. The brushfire began in 
June when pitcher Mark Corey was hos- 
pitalized after getting stoned with team- 
mate Tony Tarasco near Shea Stadium. 
General manager Steve Phillips, whose 
alleged sexual harassment of an office 
worker in 1998 earned him the tabloid 
nickname “Sex-Flap GM,” issues a state- 
ment saying that the Mets have no more 
potheads than do other organizations. 
Rose: "They didn't get the really good 
shit, so they finished last. Why didn't 
they just get in touch with Ron Darling 
and the other members of the '86 Mets?” 


REMY ON THE ROCKS 


March 4, 2000 Off Catalina Island, Pacific Ocean 

Alsatian knucklehead Remy Bricka, wearing pontoon skis, at- 
tempts to walk on water from Los Angeles to Sydney, Australia. 
His project sinks within sight of its start when a storm wrecks 
the catamaran where he planned to rest between hikes. 

Irvin: “That is so white. Black folks never do shit like that. They 
get enough excitement trying to pay their bills.” 

Arnold: “When 1 was а kid there was a dude, wasted, who 
hooked a bunch of helium balloons to a lawn chair and rode it 
up into the clouds. Then he popped the balloons, one at a time, 
and came back down. True story.” 


SOCCER’S NEW BOBBLEHEAD E 


November 25, 2001 

Seville, Spain 

After Jose Antonio Reyes of 
Seville scores a goal in Spanish 
soccer league action and is 
swarmed by happy teammates, 
another Seville player bends over 
and nibbles at Reyes" 

Rose: "That's how Mike Irvin 
used to celebrate his big games. 
Of course, he was the receiver." 
Irvin: “Hey! 

Rose: "Remember when John 
Kruk was on our show? Kruk 
would have ordered seconds." 
Arnold: “Is anybody else thinking 
of Brandi Chastain?” 


SCREW THE COMMISH 


March 11, 2003 

LPGA HQ, Daytona Beach, Florida 

Word leaks out of the LPGA, the ruling body of 
women's pro golf, that commissioner Ty Votaw 
has made novel use of his ruling body. Votaw ad- 
mits he's been dating one of the tour's players, 
Swedish sweet swinger Sophie Gustafson. 

Rose: “Неге, Sophie, let me show you how to 
grip that club.” 

Irvin: “When I was with Dallas, we couldn't date 
the Cowboys cheerleaders. I'm not saying we 
didn’t, but that was the rule. So we'd be quiet on 
the sideline, saying, ‘That one? I did her. Her, 
too. Did that one. Yeah, did her..." 


THE MUSIC CITY MIRACLE 


January 8, 2000 

Adelphia Coliseum, Nashville 

First round of the NFL playoffs, 0:16 on 
the clock. The Tennessee Titans are 
down 16-15 against the Buffalo Bills. 


June 28, 2002 Los Angeles 

Clowning with his buddies on The Best 
Damn Sports Show, Period, Los Angeles 
Laker Shaquille O'Neal makes fun of 
7'6" Houston Rockets center Yao Ming 
with a mock Chinese accent and goofy 
kung-fu moves. Later he instructs a re- 
porter to "tell Yao Ming, 'ching-chong- 
yang-wah-ah-so.'" The Kazaam star 
seems genuinely surprised when his re- 
marks are not well received by the inter- 
national press. AsianWeek writer Irwin 
Tang, for one, delivers this dare: "Come 
оп down to Chinatown, Shag.” 


In their first meeting in Houston, the 


296-pound Ming blocks Shag's first 
three shots. Then, with help from online 


voters in his homeland (“the hordes of | 


China,” as sportscaster Brent Musburger 
calls them), Yao beats Shaq out and 
starts for the Western Conference in the 
2003 All-Star game. In the end, though, 
the 7'1", 338-pound O'Neal muscles Yao 
out of the spotlight. 

Their final stats: 
Shaq: 27.5 points per game, 742 re- 
bounds, 159 blocks, 46 double-doubles. 
Yao: 13.5 ppg, 675 rebounds, 147 
blocks, 27 double-doubles. 


SHAQ PROMOTES RACIAL HARMONY 


Ni 


TED WILLIAMS CHILLS OUT 


= 


July 5, 2002 Alcor Life Extension Foundation, Scottsdale, Arizona 


The Titans’ Kevin Dyson takes a lateral 
on a last-gasp kickoff return and streaks 
75 yards for the game-winning touch- 
down in one of the best postseason 
games ever. It is the Titans’ first kickoff 
return for a TD since 1988, when they 
were the Houston Oilers. Fans of the 
Bills still say the play was illegal. 


Baseball legend Ted Williams was considered by some to be a cold man. Then he 
died and things got really chilly. Immediately after his death, his son comman- 
deers the body and has it frozen at -320 degrees, claiming it was his dad's long- 
standing wish. His son hopes future scientists will thaw out and repair the Splen- 
did Splinter, but Williams’ oldest daughter fights the move in court. She wants a 
father she can bury and remember, not a Popsicle. 

Arnold: “Ted Williams was a war hero, a great American. | could see stuffing him 
and keeping him in the house, but freezing his ass—now that's sacrilege.” 


MASCOT MADNESS 


A Fleury of Punches 
December 28, 2002 

HP Pavilion, San Jose, CA 
After getting ejected from a 
Sharks-Rangers game, New 
Yorks pint-size pepper-pot for 
ward Theo Fleury does the logi- 
cal thing and takes out his ag- 
gression on hapless San Jose 
mascot SJ Sharkie, snapping 
опе of Sharkie's ribs. 


Fish Story 

July 20, 2000 

Pro Player Stadium, Miami 
Florida Marlins mascot Billy the 
Marlin gets sued when a fan 
claims he suffered eye damage 
after getting hit with a wadded- 
up T-shirt fired from a cannon 
Billy wins in court, saying, “This 
is one small step for a fish and 
опе giant leap for mascotkind.” 


No Tongue 

January 20, 2003 

Pengrowth Saddledome, 
Calgary, Alberta 

Flames mascot Harvey the 
Hound, a 6'6" dog, hounds Ed- 
monton Oilers coach Craig 
MacTavish until MacTavish leans 
over the glass, rips out Harvey's 
foot-long tongue and throws it 
into the crowd. 


Rumble in Paradise 
November 23, 2002 

Aloha Stadium, Honolulu 
College football fans flip out af- 
ter Hawaii beats Cincinnati 
20-19. Players, fans and cheer- 
leaders fight, and the home 
team’s Warrior mascot goes af- 
ter Cincy's big Bearcat, А cop on 
the scene calls both sides “fuck- 
ing ding-dongs.” 


5| A-ROD SCORES $252 MILLION TIGER BLOWS CHUNKS BUT NOT LEAD 


December 11, 2000 March 23, 2003 
The Ballpark at Arlington, Texas Bay Hill Invitational, 
Rangers owner Tom Hicks couldn't Orlando, Florida 
help himself. In a giving mood, Hicks Sick with food poison- 
signs free-agent shortstop Alex Ro- с 5 ing (his Swede sexpot 
driguez, Barry Bonds's main rival as the girlfriend served up a 
game's best player, to the richest con- dodgy batch of pasta— 
tract in baseball history: 10 years fora N) N certainly a romance 
quarter of a billion dollars, plus $2 killer and bogey pro- 
million in folding money. That means ducer), Tiger Woods 
that all by himself, A-Rod eams just 2 ducks into the bushes 
$14 million less than the Oakland A's ior X TES at Arnold Palmer's 
$39.7 million 2003 payroll. S E 5 course to heave. Re- 
In the end, Hicks gets his money's peatedly. On live tel 
worth, sort of. Rodriguez hits 52 ES j sion. Then he easily, 
homers and drives in 135 runs—both y queasily blows away 
career highs—but the pitch-poor the field, winning by | 
Rangers finish last, 43 games behind 11 shots. 
the AL West champ Seattle Mariners. Irvin: “Golf used to be 
Salley: “A-Rod was worth every dime one of those white 
and you know it.” people things, but 
Irvin: “Come on. We're always saying Tiger Woods makes 
guys shouldn't just go for the money, ) guys like me watch, 
but that's what he did. A-Rod knew К: , which is basically а 
that team wasn't going to win, but he miracle. Even when 
went for the money. We should have Tiger is getting really 
ripped him, but we gave him a pass.” sick I still watch." 


SUPER BOWL XXXVII: 124 
CHUCEY'S REVENGE 


September 19, 2002 
Comiskey Park, Chicago 
A crazed father and son rush from the 
stands to attack Kansas City first base 
coach Tom Gamboa, only to be 
mobbed and roughed up by the Roy- $ 
als. The rumble sets the stage for a 
White Sox-Royals rematch this spring, 
when four fans charge the field. One of 
them, Eric Dybas, says he attacked an 
ump because he “wanted to get a rise 
out of the crowd.” 
Rose: "And where's this year's All-Star 
game? The same rowdy ballpark.” 
Arnold: “The Royals lost the fight. 
They hardly landed any good shots on 
that dad and his kid.” 
oyals whiff royally.” 

he Royals were on crystal 

meth, giving the drunks the advantage.” 


January 13, 2002 

The White House, Washington, D.C. 
Alone and watching a Ravens-Dol- 
phins playoff game on TV, President 
George Bush chokes on a pretzel, 
passes out and hits his head on a 
table. Later, he 
is seen sport- 
ing a golfball- 
size welt on 
3 his left cheek. 
January 25, 2003 А The incident 
Qualcomm Stadium, San Diego > ч immediately 
After Bill Parcells turns down an offer to coach the becomes late- 
Tampa Bay Buccaneers, team owners decide there is night-TV fod 
only one true savior for their team: Jon “Chucky” | der (Kilborn: "The Secret Service 
Gruden, the scarily intense head coach of the wrestled the pretzel to the ground”) 
Raiders. Opportunistic Oakland owner Al Davis | and an embarrassed Bush joins in, jok- 
takes full advantage of the situation, squeezing the | ing, "Mother, I should have listened to 
Bucs for four draft picks and $8 million. But Gruden | you: Always chew your pretzels before 
wins in the end, meeting his former team in the Big | you swallow." But for a moment be- 
Game and dismantling them 48-21, making the | tween Ray Lewis tackles, Dick Cheney 
Grinch-like Davis look greedy and wrong. is one Rold Gold from the presidency. 


PLAYBOY 


JUBILATION car fron page 74 


There are people in this world who are content with 
the lot they're given. I'm not one of them. 


I'd set for myself, but I'd sold my com- 
pany to a bigger company and bought 
off my ex-wife, and what was left was 
more than adequate to set me up in a 
new life in a new house—and no, 1 was 
not retiring to Florida to play golf till 1 
dropped dead of boredom, but just 
looking for what was missing in my life, 
for the values I'd grown up with in the 
suburbs, where there were no fences, 
no walls, no gated communities and 
private security guards, where every- 
body knew everybody else and democ- 
racy wasn't just a tattered banner the 
politicians unfurled for their conve- 
nience every four years. That was what 
the Jubilation Company promised. That 
and a rock-solid property valuation, 
propped up by Charles Contash and all 
the fiscal might of his entertainment 
and merchandising empire. The only 
catch was that you had to occupy your 
property a minimum of nine months 
out of the year and nobody could sell 
within two years of purchase, so as to 
discourage speculators. But to my way 
of thinking that wasn't a catch at all, 
if you were committed. And if you 
weren't, you had no business taking up 
space in line to begin with. “Not really,” 
I said, enjoying the look on her face, 
the unconscious widening of her eyes, 
the way her lips parted in expectation. 
“Comfortable, I guess you would say.” 

Then the line jerked again and we all 
revised our footing. “Mercado Street!” 
somebody shouted. “Penny Lane!” 
countered another, and there was a 
flicker of nervous laughter. 

From where I was standing, I could 
barely see over the crush. A girl in a 
short blue skirt and orange heels stood 
on a platform at the head of the line, 
churning a gleaming stainless steel 
hopper emblazoned with the Contash 
logo, and an LED display stood ready 
to flash the numbers as people extract- 
ed the little digitized cards from the 
depths of it. There was a ripple of ex- 
citement as the first man in line, a phys 
ed teacher from Las Vegas, New Mexi- 
co, climbed the steps of the platform. 
Rumor had it he'd been camped on the 
unforgiving concrete for more than a 
month, eating his meals out of a mi- 
crowave and doing calisthenics to keep 
in shape. I saw a running suit (blue 
with orange piping, what else?) sur- 
mounted on yard-wide shoulders and a 
head like a wrecker's ball. The man 
bent to the hopper, straightened up 
again and handed a white plastic card 


to the girl, who in turn ran it under a 
scanner. The display flickered, and 
then flashed the number: 3347. “Oh, 
god,” Vicki muttered under her breath. 
My pulse was racing. I couldn't seem to 
swallow. The sun hung overhead like 
an overripe orange on a limb just out 
of reach as the crowd released a long 
slow withering exhalation. So what if 
the phys ed teacher had camped out 
for a month? He was a loser, and he 
was going to have to wait for Phase 11 
construction to begin before he could 
even hope to become part of this. 

None of the next five people man- 
aged to draw under 1000, but at least 
they were in, at least there was that. 
“They look like they want houses, don't 
they?” Vicki said, a flutter of nerves un- 
dermining her voice. “1 don't mean Ca- 
sual Contempos." she said. “I wouldn't 
want to jinx that for you, but maybe the 
Little Adobes or the Courteous Coast- 
als. But not apartments. No way.” 

Then a couple who looked as if they 
belonged on one of the Contash Corp.'s 
billboards drew number 5 and the 
crowd let outa groan before people re- 
covered themselves and a spatter of 
applause went up. 1 shut my eyes. I 
hadn't eaten since the previous da: 
the plane and suddenly I felt di 
Get lucky, 1 told myself. Just get luci 
that’s all. 

A breeze came up. The line moved 
forward step-by-step, slab-by-slab. Ах 
each number was displayed, a thrill ran 
through the crowd, and they were all 
neighbors, or potential neighbors, but 
that didn’t mean they weren't betting 
against you. It took nearly an hour be- 
fore the men in front of Vicki—Mark 
and his partner, Leonard, nicest guys 
in the world—mounted the steps to 
the platform and drew number 222. 1 
watched in silence as they fell into each 
other's arms and improvised a litle 
four-legged jig around the stage, and 
then Vicki was up there with the sun 
bringing out the highlights in her hair 
and drawing the color from her eyes as 
if they'd been inked in. The boy fidget- 
ed. The baby squalled. She bent for- 
ward to draw her number, and when 
the display flashed 17 she flew down 
the steps and collapsed for sheer joy 
in the arms of the only man she knew 
in that whole astonished crowd—me— 
and everybody must have assumed 1 
was the father of those creamy pale 
children until I climbed up and thrust 
my arm into the hopper. 


The stage seemed to go quiet sud- 
denly, all that tumult of voices reduced 
to a whisper, tongues arrested, lips 
frozen in midsentence. I was going to 
get what I wanted. I was sure of it. My 
fingers closed on a card, one of thou- 
sands, and I fished it out and handed it 
to the girl; an instant later the number 
flashed on the board —4971—and Vic- 
ki, poised at the foot of the steps with a 
glazed smile, looked right through me. 


There are people in this world who 
are content with the lot they're given, 
content to bow their heads and accept 
what comes, to sacrifice and look 
to the future. I'm not one of them. 
Within an hour of the drawing, I'd 
traded number 4971 and $10,000 cash 
for Mark and Leonard's number 222, 
and within a month of that I was re- 
clining in a new white wicker chaise 
longue on the wraparound porch of 
my Casual Contempo discussing inte- 
rior decoration with a very deter- 
mined—and attractive—young woman 
from Coastal Design. The young wom- 
an's name was Felicia, and she wore her 
hair in a French braid that exposed the 
long cool nape of her neck. She was 
looking into my eyes and telling me in 
her soft breathy reconstructed tones 
what I needed vis-a-vis the eclectic neo- 
traditional aesthetic of the Jubilation 
Community—“Really, Mr. Reilly, you 
can mix and match to your heart's con- 
tent, a Stickley sofa to go with your 
Craftsman windows set right next to a 
Chinese end table of lacquered rose- 
wood with an ormolu inlay"—when 1 
interrupted her. I listened to the ice 
cubes clink in my glass a moment, then 
asked her if she wouldn't prefer dis- 
cussing my needs over a nice étoufiée 
on the deck of the Cajun Kitchen over- 
looking lovely Lake Allagash. “Oh, I 
would love that, Mr. Reil 
“more than practically anything 1 can 
think of, but Jeffrey—my sweet little 


voice an objection.” She crossed her legs, 
let one heel dangle strategically. “No, I 
think we'd better confine ourselves 10 
the business at hand, don't you?" 

1 wrote her a check, and wit 
hours I was inhabiting a color plate 
torn out of one of the Jubilation bro- 
chures, replete with throw rugs, ar- 
moires, sideboards, a set of kitchen 
chairs designed by a Swedish sadist and 
a pair of antique brass water pitcher: 
or were they spittoons?—stuffed with 
the Concours d'Elegance mix of dried 
coastal wildflowers. It hadn't come 
cheap, but I wasn't complaining. This 
was what I'd wanted since the breath 
had gone out of my marriage and I'd 
begun living the nomadic life of the 

(continued on page 132) 


[| MARRIAGE 
COUN SÊLIK 


“Goodness gracious! You young people do need counseling, don't you!” 


105 


3 works. So does getting 
ve you better than a slew 
isting wardrobe up to first cl 


. We've rounded up the best ite! 


fashion by joseph de acetis 
photography by chuck baker 


produced by jennifer ryan jonea 


THAT PAGE: Our man is wearing a corduroy suit ($795) and 
striped shirt ($175) by Boss Hugo Boss. She's in a velvet blazer 
($168) and velvet miniskirt ($98) from Kenneth Cole's An- 
niversary Collection, and a diamond necklace ($55,000) and 


earrings ($22,000) by Fred Leighton. THIS РАС! 
a tired suit with the help of well-considered accoutrements like (1) 
this white sport shin ($115) and tie ($95) by Celvin Klein. The 


dark-chocolate leather briefcase (2) is also by Galvin Klein 
($795). Or reinvent your look with top-notch shoes like this pair (3) 
by Kenneth Cole ($160). Of all the senses, the olfactory is the 
most refined—so a new scent represents a powerful change. These 
fragrances (4) are, clockwise from upper left, by Kiton ($70), 
Fahrenheit by Dior ($42), Indigo aftershave splash by Gant 
($35), Cool by Aramis ($39) and Vetiver by Guerlain ($45). 


HILLER 
ADDITIVES 


THAT PAGE: He's in a ClimaProof tracksuit ($90), short-sleave 
shirt ($30) and trainers ($100), all by Adidas. She's in a jacquard 
bra ($32) and sneakers ($75) by Adidas, and Bodywear shorts 
by Nike ($36). THIS PAGE: He's in Pro-Stretch briefs (1) by 
Calvin Klein ($16)..The white beth towel is by Pratesi ($120). 
The watch (2) is by Beretta ($2225). On the shelf (3) are, from 
left, style gel by Suave ($2), deodorant by Arrid ($3), soap by 


Old Spice ($2) and shave gel by King of Shaves ($6). At left 
in (4) are Age Fitness by Biotherm Homme ($29), Sea Cleanse 
by Clay ($25) and moisturizer by Biotherm Homme ($25). 
Stacked, from top, are eye balm ($23) and soothing gel mask 
($16) by Kiehl’s, and protective skin cream by Clay ($30). in 
front is Hydra-Detox by Blotherm Homme ($24). At right is 
shave oil by Clarins ($22) and skin cream by Dermalogica. 


THIS PAGE: The sweaters (1)—green cashmere turtleneck 
($815), yellow cashmere button-front ($875) and blue cashmere 
zip-front ($1000)—are all by Gran Sasso. The toiletry products 
(2) are, from left, shave gel by Sharps ($12), Tancho hair stick 
($10), 4-Play pomade by Crome ($13), pomade by Fekkai for 
Men ($19), Brilliant pomade by Aveda ($28) and shampoo by 
Fekkai for Men ($20). The shoes (3) are by Terra Plana 


($235). The shirts (4) in rust corduroy ($98), blue cotton ($98) 
and dark plaid corduroy ($110) are all by Joseph Abboud. The 
МРЗ player is an iPod by Apple ($400). THAT PAGE: He's ina 
sweater ($758) and pants ($205) by Versace. The custom Gib- 
son guitar is from playboystore.com ($6000). She's in a dress by 
Salvatore Ferragamo ($750) and sandals by Kenneth Cole 
($135). Stackable Lucite cubes ($450 each) are by Desiron. 


HL q 
ADDITIVES 


WHERE AND HOW TO BUY ON PAGE е, 


are simple: 

eS 1E 
ир, веер i 

cool and 

. always 

think lihe 

a rock star 


fashion by 
Joseph De Acetis 


Markets may still be mourning the go-go Nineties, 
but designers are ready for a new era of luxury. Ex- 
pensive materials dominate this season—fur trim, 
rich wools, sumptuous leathers. You will also notice 
extra zippers. studs, cuffs, and pockets to hold your 
MP3 player and phone. The clothes below are by 
DIOR HOMME. The outfit at right is by VERSACE. 


PLAYBOY 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY DAN LECCA 
PRODUCED BY JENNIFER RYAN JONES 
WHERE AND HOW TO BUY ON PAGE 144. 


The suit above at left is by KENNETH COLE. The one above at right is by 
TOMMY HILFIGER. These suits look classic at first glance, but the fit is young 
and sleek—so they shift easily from the office to the club. The clothes at up- 
per right are by GIORGIO ARMANI. Below at far right is an outfit by DOLCE & 


GABBANA. Below in the middle is a wool-and-distressed-leather combination by 
DKNY. The mix of textures and styles is indicative of this year's attitude—hard and 
soft, new school and old school. Below at left are clothes by MICHAEL KORS. 


CRIME SCENE CLEANUP 


VIOLENT CRIME DOES PAY—IF YOU'RE THE 
GUY HIRED TO CLEAN UP THE MESS JORDA 


woman sits on the edge of the sofa 
fA in the living room of her ranch-style 
house in Romcoville, Illinois, fingering 
her First American Casualty Insurance 
policy and crying softly. She watches 
her husband lead two men down a nar- 
row hallway to their teenage daughter's 
bedroom. He points through an open 
door and says, without emotion, “It was 
a shotgun.” Then he goes back to his 
wife as one of the men begins taking 
photographs of the room. 

There are posters of rock stars on 
the walls. Eminem. Korn. Limp Bizkit. 
There is a big television, a VCR. stereo. 
stacks of videos (Titanic), piles of CDs 
(Britney Spears, Wynonna Judd) and a 
glass bookcase filled with limited-edi- 
tion Barbie dolls in wedding and evening 
gowns, swimsuits and jogging outfits. 
On top of the bookease are softball tro- 
phies and a photograph of the girl: a 
pretty, strawberry blonde, hugging her 
boyfriend, a slim, unsmiling kid in glass- 
es. On her unmade bed lies a piece of 
lined paper with nearly printed letters 
that read CARRIE ‘N’ KYLE. There is no 
body in sight, but on the rug next to the 
bed a teddy bear sits abour two feet from 
a pool of coagulating blood that, after 
six hours, has turned from red to bur- 
gundy. White bits of skull and gray brain 
matter are evident in the blood, which is 
also splattered across the TV, the CDs, 
the walls, the door and the bedsheets. 

“The halo cffect,” says Kevin Reif- 
steck, 29, a short man with a crew cur 
and bodybuilder's bulk. 

*Her boyfriend probably broke up 
with her," whispers Greg Banach, 33 
“That's the main cause of teen suicide: 
Greg looks like a thin, young Buddy 
Hackett in a black T-shirt that reads OUR 
DAY BEGINS WHEN YOUR DAY ENDS. 

Kevin goes ro the kitchen to show the 
parents the contract he wants them to 


sign. He explains that he and Greg, will 
have to throw out a lot of bloodstained 
items bur that their homeowners” insur- 
ance policy will cover the cost of clean- 
ing up the room. “We can probably save 
the mattress,” Kevin says. 

“No. Throw it out,” the father says. 


boy phoned the house that morning to 
say he was coming to kill himself in 
front of the daughter. When he arrived, 
he broke through a living room window 
while the mother and daughter fled out 
the back door to a neighbor's house. The 
boy went to the daughter's room, knelt 


FROM THE AFTERMATH FILES: AT ONE SCENE, A CORPSE WAS FOUNO LYING ON A RUG. TECHNICIANS PEELED 
BACK FOUR LAYERS OF BLOODY CARPETING AND FOUNO THIS EERIE STAIN. THEY CALL IT THE JESUS FIGURE. 


“She barely even knew him,” says the 
mother. Kevin raises an eyebrow quizzi- 
cally. She explains that her 17-year-old 
daughter had been stalked by a 19-у 
old boy who once worked with her. The 


on the rug, tilted his head back, put the 
shotgun in his mouth and blew half his 
head off. 

Greg, listening in the doorway, says, 
“There are а lot of whack jobs out there. 


ТОМ BIOHAZARD ^^ CAUTION BIOHAZARD ^^ CA 


Unfortunately you mer one. Thank god 
he only killed himsel! 

After the police came and took the 
mother’s statement and carted off the 
body, she waited for them to clean up 
the room. That wasn't their job, they ex 
plained. Then one of the officers gave 
her a name, Aftermath, Inc., and a tele 
phone number: 877-TRAGEDY. 


Aftermath, Inc. of Plainfield, Illinois is 
a biohazard recovery company licensed 
by the Environmental Protection Agency 
and certified by the Occupational Safe- 
ty and Health Association to clean 
up and dispose of hazardous waste 
Or, in the words of the company’s 
brochure, Aftermath specializes in * 
ing emotional trauma at a time when 


“eas- 


it matters most. We provide special 
ly trained technicians who remove your 
burden during the untimely death of a 
loved one.” In short, Aftermath crews— 
including the two-man team of Greg Ban- 
ach and Kevin Reifsteck—clean up the 
body parts and blood police leave be 
hind. Registered in 19 states, Aftermath 
is one of the largest and most respected 


companies of its kind, which until re- 
cently were of the mom-and-pop vari 


— 
CHRIS WILSON (LEFT) AND TIM REIFSTECK STARTED AFTERMATH IN 1996. 


ION BIOHAZARD “2% CAUTION BIOHAZARD ^^ CAI 


‘THE MESS LEFT BY SOLITARY DEMISE CAN. 
MORE GRUESOME THAN A VIOLENT DEATH. 


ety—husbands and wives working 


par 
time to clean up various crime scenes 
while holding down full-time jobs. AF 
termath has been described by Illinois 
police as “providing an irreplaceable 
service” and as “extremely professional 


and reliabl 

Say hello to America’s newest growth 
industry. Look at any tabloid or local 
newspaper: Death is mentioned on everv 
page. As the culture becomes simultane 
ously more sanitized and more violent, 
death cleanup has become a specialty 


market. And when the misfortune of 
suicide or murder or unattended death 
intrudes on our 
TV time, who are 
we going to call? 
Aftermath is one 
of many compa 
nies that have 
sprouted to fill a 
contemporary 
need. They even 
have a lobby- 
ing group, the 
American Bio 
Recovery Associ 
ation (founded 
in 1996), which 
puts the annual 
revenue for the 
fledgling industry 
at $20 million 
to $25 million, 
showing growth 
every year. 
Aftermath em 
ploys 20 tech 
nicians, who re: 
ceive 12 hours of 


cleanup training and many more hours 
of sensitivity training. They are also 
required го get three vaccinations for 
hepatitis В, which is their biggest health 
hazard. (Some pathogens, like tubercu- 
losis, can be killed on contact with de 
contaminating sprays. Others, including 
HIV, can live for days outside a body, 
and hepatitis В can live much longer 
than that and reanimate itself.) Most 
of Aftermath’s technicians have back- 
grounds in law enforcement or medi 
cine and are accustomed ro gruesome 


“ONE KID SHOT HIMSELF TWICE IN THE HEAD AND LIVED. HE 
CALLED HIS FATHER AND SAID, ‘DAD, I CAN'T DO ANYTHING RIGHT.” 


crime scenes. They are paid between $25 
and $40 per hour, with some earning 
$70,000 per year, 

The average cost of an Aftermath job 
is $2500, though price will vary widely, 
depending on the time required (a few 
hours to as long as a month). Typical 
fees are $100 per hour, per technician, 
$500 for supplies and $200 for the dis- 
posal of hazardous waste. Most body 
fluids seep into walls and floors, so 
technicians spend less time wiping away 
such things than they do cutting out and 
disposing of parts of a room. Aftermath 
has a construction crew, Force Con 
struction, that will completely rebuild a 
room or rooms so they look e 


erly as 


they did before the incident. 

In 1995, Chris Wilson and longtime 
friend Tim Reifsteck (Kevin's brother) 
worked selling newspaper subscriptions. 
They always talked about becoming 
entrepreneurs but hadn't vet come up 
with their big idea. Then a neighbor's 
son committed suicide with a rifle. The 
parents were horrified when the police 
didn’t clean up the area after the hody 
was removed from their home. Chris 


and Tim offered to do it. They spent 
two and a half hours scraping off bits 
of brain and skull trom walls and sop- 
ping up blood from carpets. Halfway 
through the process, it occurred to them: 
They had discovered their niche busi- 
ness. The next day they called funeral 
parlors and coroners offices to ask who 
provided such a service. They were told, 
“We wish someone did.” 

Betore they opened for business, Chris 
and Tim spent six months researching 
crime scene cleanups. They learned 
about OSHA certification, vaccinations 
and medical waste disposal licenses. 
Most important, they discovered there 
were no books or courses on such clean- 
ups; they would have to figure it out on 
the job. Then they opened for business 
in a small office in an industrial strip 
mall in Plainfield. 

During the next two years they would 
learn many things: the proper technique 
for cleaning up blood, the equipment 
and disinfectants that kill germs and 
odors, the difference between a fresh 
death and an unattended death, the var- 
ious stages of corpse decay, the reasons 
people die, the ways people die, the lega- 
cy of death for the families lett behind. 
In time, they would learn more about 
death than they ever wanted to know. 

The technicians at Aftermath are inti 
mately familiar with the smell of de 
cay—a sickly combination of vomit and 
flowery perfume. They can judge the time 
of death by how blood clumps and co- 
agulates; they can instantly distinguish 


fluids of а fresh corpse from those of an 
aged one. They have dealt with the con- 
sequences of someone who has expired 
in the night with a whisper of death on 
his lips, and they have seen the destruc 
tion and butchery of murderers. They 
know, odd as it seems, that the scene left 
by a quier, lonely demise can often be 


ABOVE, THE SPLATTER MARKS LEFT BY A SHOTGUN SUICIDE. 


ТОМ BIOHAZARD ^^ CAUTION BIOHAZARD ^^ СА 


more gruesome than the 
most violent death. They 
are janitors of the human 
condition. 


A typical Aftermath 
workweek has Wilson and 
Reifsteck monitoring the 
activities of teams operat- 
ing in various states. Theirs 
is a cell phone-driven busi- 
ness. | join them on a Tues- 
day, with the expectation 
thar I will be sent on a job 
as soon as one comes in 
We're getting acquainted 
over lunch in a Mexican 
restaurant when Chris, a 
handsome 30-year-old with 
slicked-back hair, gets a call 
about a suicide in Michigan. 
"Shotgun or handgun?” he 
asks. He's told a shorgun, 
which means the cleanup 
will take much longer. He 
starts arranging a team. 

“About 30 percent of 
our deaths are suicides,” 
Tim explains, pointing out 
that most happen during 
the holidays, in January 
(after people receive their 
Christmas credit card bills 
and tax forms) and in sum- 
mer (when heat tends to 
bring out people's hostilities). 

“Only 10 percent are 
homicides, which usually 
occur outside of home: 
he says. Chicago had 645 
homicides last year; more 
than 500 of those occurred 
outdoors—no-man's-land. 
“The cops just hose down 
the street,” Tim says. 
“About 10 percent of our 
deaths are accidents. The 
rest are natural causes, 
with almost 50 percent be- 
ing unattended deaths"— 
an industry term fora body 
that is discovered after as 
long as two years. 


“Most suicides we see 
are influenced by divorce, 
child custody problems or 
depression,” Chris says. 
“We had one guy who 
hung himself,” says Tim, 
“but he wasn't dying, fast 


enough, so he shot himself | 


(continued on page 148) 


SIX FEET 


UNDER 


WHAT HAPPENS AFTER DEATH? 


ALGOR MORTIS 
IMMEDIATE 

Brain functions, respiration and 
heartbeat stop. Urine and feces aro expelled if gravity 
allows. Body temperature drops an average of one 
and а holf degrees per hour for the first few hours— 
aitical information in determining time of death with- 
in the first 24 hours postmortem. (Actual rate varies 
with environmental temperature, and is useful only in 
temperole climates. In extreme climates, such as the 
Australian outback, body temperatures may even rise.) 


LIVOR MORTIS 
30 MINUTES 


Blood begins to pool at the lowest 
portions of the resting body, a process called lividity. 
The body becomes extremely pale while purple 
splotches form on its underside—earlobes and finger- 
пой beds are usually marked by lividity during this pe- 
riod, too. By 10 to 12 hours after death, the lividity is 
fixed, and even if the body is moved, the discoloration 
will remain (though a secondary set of splotches can 
also form based on the new position ofthe body). 


RIGOR MORTIS 
SIX HOURS 

Chemical changes cause muscular 
stiffening, which first locks small muscles in the eye- 
lids, then moves to neck and hands. Last areas to stifí- 
en are large muscles in limbs. Rigor mortis takes 
about six hours to start, another six to complete, and 
then passes in another 12 hours. Process is accelerot- 
ed by high temperatures and by extreme muscle activ- 
ity prior to death. Autolysis may start—orgons that 
contain digestive enzymes begin to digest themselves. 


PUTREFACTION 
36 HOURS 

Streaxs of surface discoloration ap- 
pear on abdomen and spread to flanks, limbs ond face 
as soft tissue is broken down by bacteria and enzymes. 
Discoloration of veins causes marbling. Large sheeis 
of skin may fall off. Blisters filled with fluid and gos 
form. After two to three days, internal pressure expels 
putrid fluid vio orifices. Fingernails and toenails de- 
tach, often pulling off glove- and sock-like pieces of 
skin. Within weeks, body bursts open under pressure. 


(2. MUMMIFICATION AND ADIPOCERE 
21111711. WEEKS TO MONTHS. 
- Both depend on unique conditions. 
Mummification occurs only in dry heat—e.g., deserts, 
The body shrivels and is converted into a leathery 
mass. Adipocere, which takes at least six months, oc- 
curs in warm, moist, anaerobic conditions, such as un- 
der water, or а particularly well-sealed coffin. Instead 
of breaking down as in normal putrefaction, fatty tis 
sue is converted into a yellowish waxlike mass. It's 
flammable. And it can remain in this form for years. 


118 


“I know you'd never cheat on me, darling. But what about 
sometime when you're off me?” 


FIND 


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[love a та 
hair stuff. А! 

to be too muscle 
protecting me. 1 
Pho are self-confident. 110 

special, without feeling that they 

MY SEXU! LIKES 

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Jokes, 1 need to get right 

шор is enough to set ME 0 

дп strange about me: Pn was ready. You can jus 


Sac and ГЇ! be ready. Pm v 
«E TO НАУ SEX 


WHEN I LIKE 1 

we it in the morning when Tm half asleep and just in а 

соате. ТЇ! do the SPOT or ger оп top of him. ¿e 
wake up completely roused in the moming- d 


ca 


When Tm n the mood, 


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Touching MY 
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x look at 


Charles Rangel 


PLAYBOY'S 


200 


the outspoken new york congressman wants the draft, 
a balanced budget and a spot on the west wing 


1 


PLAYBOY: You've called for reinstating 
the draft as well as for mandating alter- 
native civilian service. Are you Out to 
change the way young people think 
about their country? 

RANGEL: Most everybody I know who 
served in the military—whether they 
volunteered or went screaming and 
yelling—believes they're a better per- 
son for the experience. Getting to 
know Americans from all backgrounds 
has to make you a beuer American. It 
may not be patriotism in the military 
sense of the word, but it makes you 
care more about your country. But 
that’s not the reason I want to reinstate 
the draft. Wouldn't we be better off if 
all youngsters could be exposed to 
some type of discipline? Or if kids who 
come from families that are not strong 
could get a sense of self-esteem and 
accomplishment? And if wealthy kids 
were able to know what life is without 
wealth? That's not the draft in terms of 
military service. That's public service 


2 


PLAYBOY: Lay out the Rangel draft plan. 
RANGEL: Two years of mandatory ser- 
vice for ages 18 to 26. Give them an op- 
portunity to finish high school, maybe 
a year. No deferments except for con- 
scientious objectors. Probably around 
35 million kids would be eligible for the 
draft, but only a fraction of one percent 
would be needed for the military. What 
do you do with the rest? We're going to 
be in a state of war for a long time. We 
need a real presence at our seaports 
and our airports, in our hospitals and 
our schools, on our streets and in our 
libraries 


3 


PLAYBOY: You opposed the invasion of 
Iraq. Defend your opinion that a large 
number of draftees in the military will 
help curb intervention abroad. 


Interview by Warren Kalbacke 


RANGEL: When people talk about teach- 
ing Saddam Hussein a lesson, you 
don't get the sense that the country has 
been attacked by Iraq or that national 


We've got this 
volunteer army and they want to 
fight." It's like they're talking about 
the French Foreign Legion. They don't 
have any real sense of connection. 
Their children and grandchildren 
aren't involved in any of it. But war 
is not just a political decision—it's a 
nightmare to which you are exposing 
American kids. More constituents, if 
they thought their own families would 
be involved, would be in touch with 
more congresspeople. Then, when the 
question comes to Congress, the mem- 
bers would do a lot more thinking be- 
fore going to war. 


4 


PLAYBOY: You are a decorated Korean 
War veteran, and in the Sixties you 
served as counsel to the National Advi- 
sory Commission on Selective Service. 
Give us the long view on the draft. 

RANGEL: The problem we had in the 
Johnson administration was that mid- 
dle-income families raised such politi- 
cal hell about the draft that they were 
given a way out with the college ex- 
emption. It was a class distinction. 
They didn't have to face Vietnam. If 
you've been in combat, you never for- 
get it. It is the worst nightmare you 
could curse somebody with. You get 
past the question of shared sacrifice if 
everyone is exposed when the nation 
is in danger. We now have about 1.4 
million volunteers and about 800,000 
National Guardsmen and reservists. 
They're scattered all over the world. 
We don't know how many hundreds of 
thousands it may take to occupy Iraq 
and search for hard-to-find weapons of 
mass destruction, to maintain law and 
order, to keep the peace, to have the 


transition. We have troops in the Phil- 
ippines, Colombia, Japan, tens of thou- 
sands in Europe, and we're moving 
toward more military action. Just listen 
to the president and his threats to 
Syria and the axis of evil. We are the 
only superpower left, so there is a sense 
of responsibility for the world. 


5 


PLAYBOY: Some have accused you of fo- 
menting a class war. Care to respond? 

RANGEL: A lot of Republicans agree 
with me, but they say they don’t want 
to embarrass the president. The truth 
of the matter is that we've been calling 
up reservists and the National Guard 
This has caused a great deal of hard- 
ship on marriages, on families—em- 
ployers are not hiring a lot of these 
people back, and there's a dramatic 
decrease in income. So when you think 
about our needs for the future, you 
have to be aware of what we will be 
dealing with. What do you do when 
you need more people? We have been 
increasing the stipends for enlisted 
personnel, but this is an appeal to 
working-class folks, the people who 
need the money, not those who aren't 
even thinking about the military. Sena- 
tor McCain has proposed a bill that 
adds 18 months of military service and 
pays about $20,000 in educational ben- 
efits. Some kid needs $20,000 to go to 
school and you're saying that he or she 
should fight the wars of the United 
States? That's morally wrong. It is im- 
moral to believe that the only people 
who will be fighting wars and exposing 
themselves to danger will be those who 
cannot afford to do anything else. 


6 


PLAYBOY: Do you and South Carolina 
Senator Fritz Hollings, who has joined 
you to promote the idea of a draft, 
intend to spark a national debate? 

RANGEL: I don't (continued on page 142) 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY ОАлО ROSE 


121 


SOUL 
SISTER 


SURVIVOR: AMAZON WINNER JENNA 
MORASCA AND JUNGLE PAL HEIDI 
STROBEL MAKE A COMPELLING CASE 
FOR GETTING BACK TO NATURE 


he glut of TV reality shows can make it difficult to 
distinguish one from another. But the recently con- 
cluded Survivor: The Amazon is burned into our 
brains, and not because the tribal councils wore 
better masks. The real draw? A pair of gorgeous 
young contestants—Jenna Morasca and Heidi 
Strobel—who made isolation and deprivation seem sexy. Forming an 
early bond, they competed and connived their way through episode 
after episode and kept male viewers tuned in by bathing together 
and even stripping naked in exchange for peanut butter and choco- 
late. But it was still an upset when Jenna, a 22-year-old student at 
the University of Pittsburgh, was awarded the million-dollar winning 
prize by a jury of seven runners-up. Jenna herself was surprised, so 
much so that she questioned some of the other contestants about 
why they had voted for her: “They said they respected the way I 
played the game,” she says. “Even the ones who didn't particularly 
like me thought I'd played the best, and they rewarded me for that.” 
Jenna is the youngest Survivor winner yet, so it wasn't her famil- 
iarity with office politics that taught her how to win the psychological 
battles. She says she gleaned a lot of strategy from watching previ 
ous episodes of the CBS reality series: “Always keep your emotions 
in check. Always know your limits with other people. Always be 
friendly to everybody, even if you plan to vote them off." Perhaps she 
learned more from competing in beauty pageants and swimsuit 
contests back home in Pennsylvania. "They're really similar experi- 
ences," she says. "In both situations you have to connect with the 
people who are casting the votes." Her college zoology studies also 
proved beneficial while negotiating the Amazonian jungle. 'My 
knowledge of animals made me less fearful. | was respectful and 
careful—but | wasn't afraid. Actually, living in the wild afforded me 
the opportunity to see things | had only read about. | encountered 
some unique and rare species, such as pink dolphins." 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY STEPHEN WAYDA 


Heidi, 24, lives in Buffalo, Missouri and teaches physical education in middle school. Her appearance on Survivor was def- 
initely a big deal in the corridors of her school. "There were reporters sleeping on my doorstep, trying to get the inside scoop 
on whether I'd get fired for the whole stripping-for-peanut-butter-and-chocolate thing,” she says. “The day after that episode 
aired, | was given about 40 jars of peanut butter. All of my students, and the other teachers, too, were bringing me peanut 
butter and chocolate. | had some problems with the school superintendent and two school board members, but the presi- 
dent of the board was behind me, and that saved my job. 

In the Amazon, Jenna and Heidi hit it off immediately. “We both have a strong sense of family,” says Jenna. “That says a lot 
about someone.” Heidi agrees: Jenna would tell me stories about how her family interacts. Everybody else out there was like, 
* don't want to talk about it'—they didn't want to share anything about their families.” Of course. Jenna and Heidi were famously 
unwilling to share bath time with female tribal teammates: Along with one other young contestant, they ditched the rest of the 


women and lathered up together in a stream 
stead. Heidi reveals some background to the 
breakaway bath that the audience didn't get to 
see: “Every time | took hold of a machete, the old- 
er women would roll their eyes. They assumed 
that because | looked a certain way, | would act а 
Certain way. They never asked about my job— 
they didn't even know | was a schoolteacher. So 
the first time we went bathing with them, they 
were throwing out Comments: ‘Look at you. How 
long does it take to look like that?’ Constant bad- 
gering. So | thought, I'm not going to do that 
again.” Jenna makes an even simpler case for 
their bond: “We just enjoyed hanging around with 
each other—we had more in common.” 

Bathing is something they both view in а luxu- 
rious new light after two months without running 
water. “We didn't brush our teeth or shower the 
whole time we were out there,” says Heidi. “The 
grass was So tall and sharp that | had deep cuts 
on my legs that never really healed. After we got 
home, it took two weeks to clean out the mud 
that was packed into the wounds.” The jungle 
presented even bigger obstacles for Heidi, who 
was much more daunted by the Amazonian flo- 
ra and fauna than Jenna (and for good reason). 
“When | was voted off, | was wrapped in five 
blankets and carried away. The show's doctor 
Said, ‘I'm just amazed you didn't die.’ It was that 
bad.” Now, back in civilization, famous with fans 
everywhere, and one of them a brand-new mil- 
lionaire, Jenna and Heidi remain close friends. 
Even better, they apparently still wash up to- 
gether every once in a while. 


See more of these Survivors at cyber playboy.com. 


PLAYBOY 


JUBILATION „атон 


I glanced up just in time to see the broad flat grinning 
reptilian head emerge from the walter. 


motor court, the high-rise hotel and the 
inn around the corner. 1 was home. For 
the first time in as long as I could re- 
member, 1 felt oriented and secure. 

1 laid in provisions, rode my Exercy- 
cle, got through a couple of books I'd al- 
ways meant to read (Crime and Punish- 
ment, Judgment at Nuremberg, The Naked 
and the Dead), took a divorcée named Ce- 
cily to the Chowchy Grill for dinner and 
afterward to a movie at the art deco 
palace designed by Cesar Pelli as the cen- 
terpiece of the Mercado Street pedestri- 
an mall, and enjoyed the relatively bug- 
less spring weather in a rented kayak out 
on Lake Allagash. By the end of the sec- 
ond month I'd lost eight pounds, my 
arms felt firmer and my face was as tan 
as a tennis pro's. I wished my wife could 
see me now, but even as I wished it, the 
image of her—the heavy, pouting lips 
and irascible lines etched into the cor- 
ners of her mouth, the flaring eyes and 
belligerent stab of her chin—rose up to 
engulf me in sorrow. Raymond, that was 
the name of the man she was dating— 
Raymond, who owned a restaurant and 
had a boat on Long Island Sound 

At any rate, | was standing over the 
vegetable display at the Jubilation Mar- 
ket one afternoon watching my ex-wife's 
face superimpose itself on the gleaming 
epidermis of an oversize zucchini, when 
a familiar voice called out my name. It 
was Vicki. She was wearing a transparent 
blouse over a bikini top and she'd had 
her hair done up in a spill of tinted 
ringlets. A plastic shopping basket dan- 
gled from one hand. There were no chil- 
dren in sight. “I heard you got your Ca- 
sual Contempo,” she said. “How're you 
liking it?” 

"A dream come true. And you?" 

Her smile widened. “I got a job. At the 
Company office. I'm Assistant Facilitator 
for tour groups.” 

“Tour groups? You mean here? Or 
over at Contash World?” 

“You haven't noticed all the people 
in the streets?” she asked, holding her 
smile. “The ones with the cameras and 
the straw hats coming down to check us 
out and see what a model city looks like, 
works like? Look right there, right out 
the window there on the sidewalk in 
front of the Chowchy Grill. See that flock 
of Hawaiian shirts? And those women 
with the legs that look like they've just 
been pulled out of the deep freeze?” 

I followed her gaze and there they 
were, tourists, milling around as if on a 
stage set. How had I failed to notice them? 
Even now one of them was backing away 


132 from the front of the grocery with a cam- 


corder. “Tourists?” | murmured. 

She nodded. 

Maybe I was a little sour that morning, 
maybe 1 needed love and affection, not 
to mention sex, and maybe I was lonely 
and frustrated and beginning to feel the 
first stab of disappointment with my new 
life, but before 1 could think, 1 said, 
"They're worse than the ants. Do you 
have ants, by the way—in your apart- 
ment, I mean? The little minuscule ones 
that make ant freeways all over the floor, 
the kitchen counter, the walls?” 

Her face fell, but then the smile came 
back, because she was determined to be 
chirpy and positive. “I wouldn't say they 
were worse than the ants—at least the 
ants clean up after themselves.” 

“And cockroaches. Or palmetto bugs— 
isn't that what we call them down here? I 
saw one the size of a frog the other day, 
right out on Penny Lane.” 

She had nothing to say to this, so I 
changed the subject and asked how her 
kids were doing. 

“Oh, fine. Terrific. They're thriving.” 
A pause. “My mother’s down from Phil- 
adelphia—she's babysitting for me until 
I can find somebody permanent. While 
I'm at work, that is.” 

"Really," I said, reaching down to shift 
the offending zucchini to the bottom of 
the bin. “So are you free right now? For 
maybe a drink? Unless you have to rush 
home and cook or something.” 

She looked doubtful. 

“What I mean is, don't you want to see 
what a neoretro Casual Contempo looks 
like when it’s fully furnished?” 


‘The first real bump in the road camea 
week or two later. I'd been called away to 
consult with the transition team at my 
former company, and when I got back 
І found a notice in the mailbox from 
the Contash Corp.'s sul y, the Jubi- 
lation Company, or as we all knew it 
in short—and somewhat redundantly— 
the TJC. It seemed they were advising 
against our spending too much time on 
our wraparound porches, especially at 
sunrise and sunset, and to take all pre- 
cautions while using the jogging trail 
around Lake Allagash or even window- 
shopping on Mercado Street. The prob- 
lem was mosquitoes—big, outsize central 
Floridian mosquitoes that were found to 
be carrying encephalitis and dengue 
fever. The TJC was doing all it could 
vis-à-vis vector control, and they were 
contractually absolved from any respon- 
sibility—just read your Declaration of 
Covenants, Conditions and Restric- 


tions—but in the interest of public safety 
they were advising everyone to stay in- 
doors. Despite the heat. And the fact that 
staying in defeated the whole idea of 
the Casual Contempo, the wraparound 
porch and the free interplay between 
neighbors that lies at the core of what 
makes a real and actual town click. 

1 was brooding in the kitchen, idly 
itching at the constellation of angry red 
welts on my right wrist and waiting for 
the meninges to start swelling in my brain- 
pan, when a movement on the porch 
caught my eye. Two cloaked figures 
there, one large, one small, and a cloaked 
baby carriage. For a moment I didn't 
know what to make of it all, but the baby 
carriage was a dead giveaway: It was 
Vicki, dressed like a beekeeper, with lit- 
de Ethan in his own miniature beekeep- 
er's outfit beside her and baby Ashley 
imprisoned behind a wall of gauze in 
the depths of the carriage. “Christ,” I said, 
ushering them in, “is this what we're go- 
ing to have to start wearing now?” 

She pulled back the veil to reveal that 
hopeful smile and the small shining mir- 
acle of her hair. “No, I don't think so,” 
she said, bending to remove her son's 
impedimenta (“I don't want,” he kept 
saying, “I don't want"). “There,” she 
said, addressing the pale dwindling oval 
of his face, "there, it's all right now. And 
you can have a soda, if Jackson still has 
any left in the refrigerator- 

“Oh, yeah, sure,” I said, and I was 
bending, too. “Root beer? Or 7 


We wound up sitting in the 


of stale Triscuits while the baby slept and 
Ethan sucked at a can of Hires in front of 
the tube in the living room. Out back 
was the low fence that gave onto the 
nature preserve, with its bird-friendly 
marsh that also coincidentally happened 
to serve аз а maternity ward for the mos- 
quitoes, and beyond that was Lake Alla- 
gash. “At the office they're saying the 
mosquitoes are just seasonal,” Vicki said, 
working a hand up under the tinted 
ringlets and giving them a shake, “and 
besides, they're pretty much spraying 
around the clock now, so 1 would 
think—well, 1 mean, they've had to close 
down some of the outdoor rides over at 
Contash World, and that means money 
lost, big mon 

I wasn't a cynic, or I tried not to be, 
because a pioneer can't aHord cynicism 
Look on the bright side, that was what I 
maintained—there was no alternative. 
“OK, fine, but have you seen my wrist? I 
mean, should I be concerned? Should 1 
go to the doctor, do you think?” 

She took my wrist in her cool grip, 
traced the bumps there with her index 
finger. She gave a little laugh. “Chigger 
bites, that’s all. Nothing to worry about. 
And the mosquitoes will just be a bad 
memory in a week or two, I guarantee it.” 

There was a moment of silence, dur- 
ing which we both gazed out the window 


“We pay for this where I come from!” 


133 


PLAYBOY 


134 


on the marsh—or swamp, as I'd mistak- 
enly called it before Vicki corrected me. 
We watched an egret rise up out of 
nowhere and sail off into the trees. 
Clouds massed on the horizon in a swell 
of pure, unadulterated white; the pal- 
mettos gathered and released the faint- 
est trace of a breeze. Next door, the 
wraparound porch of my neighbors— 
the black couple, Sam and Ernesta 
Fills—was deserted. Ditto the porch of 
the house on the other side, into which 
Mark and Leonard, having traded 
$2500 of the cash Га given them for 
number 632 and a prime chance ага 
Casual Contempo, had recently moved. 
“No,” she said finally, draining her wine- 
glass and holding it out in one delicate 
hand so that I could refill it for her. 
“what Га be concerned about if I were 
you is your neighbors across the street— 
the Weckses.” 

1 gave her a dumb stare. 

“You know them—July and Fili Weeks 
and their three sons?” 

“Yeah,” I said, “sure.” Everybody 
knew everybody else here. It was a rule. 

From the TV in the other room came 
the sound of canned laughter, followed 
by Ethan's stuttering high whinny of an 
underdeveloped laugh. “What about the 
red curtains?” she said. “And that car? 
That whatever it is, that race car painted 
in the three ugliest shades of magen- 
ta they keep parked out there on the 
street where the whole world can see it? 
They're in violation of the code on some- 
thing like eight counts already and they 
haven't been here a month yet.” 

I felt a prickle of alarm. We were all in 
this together, and if everybody didn't 
pitch in—if everybody didn’t subscribe 
to the letter as far as the Declaration 


of Covenants, Deeds and Restrictions 
was concerned—what was going to hap- 
pen to our property values? “Red cur- 
tains?” I said. 

Her eyes were steely. “Just like in a 
whorehouse. And you know the rules— 
white, off-white, beige and taupe only.” 

“Has anybody talked to them? Can't 
anybody do anything?” 

She set the glass down, drew her gaze 
away from the window and looked into 
my eyes. “Do you mean the Citizens’ 
Committee?” 

I shrugged. “Yeah. Sure. I guess.” 

She leaned in close. I could smell the 
rinse she used in her hair, and it was 
faintly intoxicating. I loved her eyes, 
loved the shape of her, loved the way 
she aspirated her hs like an elocution 
teacher. “Don't you worry,” she whis- 
pered. “We're already on i 


Once Vicki had mentioned the Weeks- 
es and the way they were flouting the 
code, I couldn't get them out of my 
head. July Weeks was a salesman of some 
sort, aviation parts, I think it was—he 
worked for Cessna—and he seemed to 
spend most of his time, despite the mos- 
quito scare, buried deep in his own white 
wicker chaise longue out on the wrap- 
around porch of his Courteous Coastal 
directly across the street from me. He 
was a Southerner, and that was all right 
because this was the South, after all, but 
he had one of those accents that just 
went on clanging and jarring till you 
could barely understand a word he was 
saying. Not that I harbor any preju- 
dices—he was my neighbor, and if he 
wanted to sound like an extra from 
Deliverance, that was his privilege. But 


“Does being stoned give you the munchies?” 


I looked out the front window and saw 
that race car—*No excess 
ly vehi 
ing vans or trailers, shall be parked on 
the public streets for a period exceeding 
48 continuous hours,” Secuon III, Aru- 
cle 12, Declaration of Covenants, Deeds 
and Restrictions—and the sight of it 
became an active irritation. Which was 
compounded by the fact that the eldest 
son, August, pulled up one afternoon in 
a pickup truck that sat about six feet up 
offits Bayou Crawler tires and deposited 
a boat trailer at the curb. The boat was 
painted puce with lime-green trim and it 
had a staved-in hull. Plus, there were 
those curtains. 

А week went by: Two weeks. I got up- 
dates from Vicki—we were seeing each 
other just about every day now—and of 
course the Citizens’ Committee, as an 
arm of the TJC, was threatening the 
Weckses with a lawsuit and the Weekses 
had hired an attorney and were threat- 
ening back, but nothing happened. 1 
couldn't enjoy my wraparound porch or 
the view out my mullioned Craftsman 
windows. Every time I looked up, there 
was the boat, there was the car and, be- 
yond them, the curtains. The situation 
began to weigh on me, so one night after 
dinner 1 strolled down the three broad 
inviting steps of my wraparound porch, 
waved a greeting to the Fillses on my 
right and Mark and Leonard on my left, 
and crossed the street to mount the 
equally inviting steps of the Weckses’ 
wraparound porch with the intention 
of setting Mr. Weeks straight on a few 
things. Or no, that sounds too harsh. I 
wanted to block out a couple issues with 
him and see if we couldn't resolve things 
amicably for all concerned. 

He was sitting in the chaise longuc, his 
wife in the wicker armchair beside him. 
An Atlanta Braves cap that looked as if it 
had just come off the shelf at Gulpy's 
Sports Emporium hid his brow and the 
crown of his head and he was wearing a 
pair of those squared-off black sunglass- 
es for people with cataracts, and that re- 
duced the sum of his expression to the 
sharp beak of his nose and an immobile 
mouth. The wife was a squat Korean 
woman whose name I could never re- 
member. She was peeling the husk off 
a dark pungent pod or tuber. It was a 
homey scene, and the moment couldn't 
have been more neighborly. 

“Hi,” I said (or maybe, prompted by 
the ambience, I might even have man- 
aged a “Howdy"). 

Neither of them said a word. 

“Listen,” I began, after standing there 
for an awkward moment (and what had 
1 been expecting—mint juleps?). * 
ten, about the curtains and the car and 
all that—the boat—I just wanted to say, 
well, I mean, it might sccm like a small 
thing, it’s ridiculous, really, but 

He cut me off then, I don't know what 
he said, but it sounded something like 


“Rabid rabid gurtz." 


The wife—her name came to me sud- 


and gave me a flowering smile that re- 
vealed a set of the whitest and evenest 
teeth I'd ever seen. “He say you can blow 
it out you ass.” 

“No, no,” I said, brushing right by it, 
“you misunderstand me. I'm not here 
to complain, or even to convince you of 
anything. It’s just that, well, I'm your 
neighbor, and I thought if we—' 

Here he spoke again, a low rumble of 
concatenated sounds that might have 
been expressive of digestive trouble, but 
the wife—Fili—seeing my blank expres- 
sion, dutifully translated: “He say his 
know gun?—he say he keep it 


“Things are not perfect. I never claimed 
they were. And if you're going to have a 
free and open town and not one of these 
gated neoracist enclaves you've got to 
be willing to accept that. The TJC sued 
the Weekses and the Weekses sued them 
back, and still the curtains flamed be- 
hind the windows and the garish race 
car and the unseaworthy boat sat at the 
curb across the street. So what I did to 
make myself feel better was buy a dog. A 
Scottie. Lauren would never let me have 
а dog—she claimed to be allergic, but in 
fact she was pathologically averse to any 
intrusion on the rigid order she main- 
tained around the house—and we never 
had any children either, which didn't af- 
fect me one way or the other, though I 
should say 1 was one of the few single 
men in Jubilation who didn't view Vicki": 
kids as a liability. 1 grew to like them, in 
fact—or Ethan, anyway; the baby was 
just a baby, practically inert if it wasn't 
shrieking as if it had just had the skin 
stripped from its limbs. But Ethan was 
something else. | liked the feel of his tiny 
bunched sweating hand in mine as we 
strolled down to the Benny Tarpon Old 
“Tyme Ice Cream Parlor in the evening or 
took a turn around Lake Allagash. He 
was always tugging me one way or the 
other, chattering, pointing like a tour di- 
rector: “Look,” he would say. “Look!” 

I named the dog Bruce, after my 
grandfather on my mother's side. He 
was a year old and house-trained, and 1 
loved the way the fur hid his paws so that 
he seemed to glide over the grass of the 
village green as if he had no means of lo- 
comotion beyond willpower and magic. 

‘That was around the time we began to 
feel the effects of the three-year drought 
that none of the TJC salespeople had 
bothered to mention in their all-day 
seminars and living-color brochures. 
‘The wind came up out of the south car- 
rying a freight of smoke (apparently the 
Everglades were on fire) and a fine 
brown dust that obliterated our lawns 
and flower beds and made a desert of 
the village green. The heat seemed to in- 
crease, too, as if the fires had somehow 


turned up the thermostat, but the worst 
of it was the smell. Everywhere you 
went, whether you were standing in line 
at the bank, sunk into one of the magic- 
fingers lounge chairs at the movie the- 
ater or pulling your head up off the pil- 
low in the morning, the stale smell of old 
smoke assaulted your nostrils. 

1 was walking Bruce up on Golfpark 
Drive one afternoon, where our select 
million-dollar-plus homes back up onto 
the golf course—and you have to realize 
that this is part of the Contash vision too, 
millionaires living cheek by jowl with sin- 
gle mothers like Vicki and all the others 
struggling to pay mortgages that were 
35 percent higher than those in the sur- 
rounding area, not to mention speci 
assessments and maintenance fees— 
when a man with a camera slung around 
his neck stopped me and asked if he 
could take my picture. The sky was 
marbled with smoke. Dust fled across 
the pavement. The birds were actual- 
ly shrieking in the trees. “Me?” I said. 
“Why me?” 

“1 don't know,” he said, snapping the 
picture. “I like your dog.” 

“You do?" I was flattered, I admit i 
but I was on my guard, too. Journalists 
from all over the world had descended 


on the town en masse, mainly to cook up 
dismissive articles about a legion of Step- 
ford wives and robotic husbands living. 
on a Contash movie set and doing daily 
obeisance to Gulpy Gator. None of them 
ever bothered to mention our equanimi- 
ty, our openness and shared ideals. Why 
would they? Hard work and sacrifice. 
never have made for good copy. 

“Yeah, sure," he said, “and would you 
mind posing over there, by the gate to 
that gingerbread mansion? That's good. 
Nice." He took a series of shots, the cam- 
era whirring through its motions. He 
had a buzz cut and a two-day growth of 
nearly translucent beard and wore a pair 
of tricolored Nikes. “You do live here, 
don't you?" he asked finally. “I mean, 
you're an actual resident, right, and not 
a tourist?” 

1 felt a surge of pride. “That's right,” 1 
said. "I'm one of the originals." 

He gave me an odd look, as if he were 
trying to sniff out an impostor. "Do they 
really pay you to walk the dog around 
the village green six times a day?” 

“Pay me? Who?” 

“You know, the town, the company. 
You can’t have a town without people 
in it, right?" He looked down at Bruce, 
who was snifling attentively at a dust- 


“In the book, this was a chess game.” 


135 


PLAYBOY 


136 


coated leaf. “Or dogs?” The camera 
clicked again, several times in succes- 
sion. “I hear they pay that old lady on 
the moped, too—and the guy that seıs 
up his easel in front of the Gulpy monu- 
ment every morning.” 

“Don't be ridiculous. You're out of 
your mind.” 

"And TIl tell you another thing—don't 
think just because you bought into the 
Contash lifestyle you're immune from all 
the shit that comes down in the real 
world, because you're not. In fact, I'd 
watch that dog if I were you” 

Somewhere the fires were burning. A 
rag of smoke flapped at my face and I 
began to cough. “You're one of those 
media types, aren't you?” I said, pound- 
ing at my breastbone. “You people dis- 
gust me. You don't even make a pretense 
of unbiased reporting—you just want to 
ridicule us and tear us down, isn't that 
right?” My dander was up. Who were 
these people to come in here and try to 
undermine everything we'd been work- 
ing for? I shot him a look of impa 
“It wouldn't be jealousy, would it? 
any chance?” 

He shrugged, shifted the camera to 
one side and dug a cigarette out of his 
breast pocket. I watched him cup his 
hands against the breeze and lightit He 
flung the match in the bushes, a symbol- 


ic act, surely. “We used to have a Scottie 


when I was a kid,” he said, exhaling. “So 
I'm just telling you—you'd be surprised 
what I know about this town, what goes 
on behind closed doors, the double-deal- 
ing, the payoffs, the flouting of the envi- 
ronmental regs, all the dirt the TJC and 
Charles Gontash don't want you to know. 
View me as a resource, your diligent rep- 
resentative of the fourth estate. Keep the 
dog away from the lake, that's all.” 

T was stubborn. I wasn’t listening. “He 
can swim.” 

The man let out a short, unpleasant 
laugh. “I'm talking about alligators, my 
friend, and not the cuddly little cartoon 
Kind. You may or may not know it, be- 
cause I'm sure it's not advertised in any 
of the TJC brochures, but when they 
built Contash World back in the Sixties 
they evicted all the alligators, not to 
mention the coral snakes and cane rat- 
ders and snapping turdes—and where 
do you think they put them?” 


All right. I was forewarned. And what 
happened should never have happened, 
I know that, but there are hazards in any 
community, whether it be South Central 
LA or Scarsdale or Kuala Lumpur. I took 
Bruce around Lake Allagash—twice— 
and then went home and barbecued a 
platter of wings and ribs for Vicki and 
the kids and I thought no more about it. 


Duck. 


Alligators. They were there, sure they 
were, but so were the mosquitoes and 
the poison toads that looked like deflat 
ed kick balls and chased the dogs off 
their kibble. This was Florida. It was 
muggy. It was hot. We had our share of 
sand fleas and whatnot. But at least we 
didn't have to worry about bronchial 
pneumonia or snow ti 

The rains came in mid-September, а 
series of thunderstorms that rolled in off 
the Gulf and put out the fires. We had 
problems with snails and slugs for a 
while there, armadillos crawling up half- 
drowned on the lawn, snakes in the 
garage, walking catfish, that sort of 
thing—I even found an opossum curled 
up in the drier one morning amidst my 
socks and boxer shorts. But the Citizens” 
Committee was active in picking up 
strays, nursing them back to health and 
restoring them to the ecosystem, so it 
wasn't as bad as you'd think. And after 
that, the sun came out and the earth just 
seemed to steam till every trace of mold 
and mud was erased and the flowers 
went mad with the glory of it. The smoke 
was gone, the snails had crawled back 
into their holes or dens or wherever 
they lived when they weren't smearing 
the windows with slime, and the air 
was scented so sweetly it was as if the 
Contash Corp. had hired a fleet of crop 


dusters to spray air freshener over the 


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town. Even the thermometer cooperat- 
ed, the temperature holding at a nice 
equitable 78 degrees for three days 
running. Tear the page out of the bro- 
chure: This was what we'd all come for. 

I was sitting out on my wraparound 
porch, trying to ignore the decrepit boat 
and magenta car across the street, Crime 
and Punishment spread open in my lap 
(Raskolnikov was just climbing the steps 
to the old lady's place and I was waiting 
for the ax to fall. when Vicki called and 
proposed a picnic. She'd made up some 
sandwiches on the brown nut bread 1 
like, Asiago cheese, sweet onions and 
roasted red peppers, and she'd picked 
up a nice bottle of Chilean white at the 
Contash Liquor Mart. Was I ready for 
some sun? And maybe a little backrub 
afterward at her place? 

Ethan wanted to go out on the water, 
but when we got to the Jubilation dock 
the sound of the ratcheting motors 
scared him, so we settled on an alumi- 
num rowboat, and that was better—or 
would have been better—because we 
could hear ourselves think and didn't 
have to worry about all that spew of 
fumes, and that was a real concern for 
Vicki. We might have been raised in 
houses where our parents smoked two 
packs a day and sprayed Raid on the 
kitchen counter every Ume an ant or 
roach showed its face—or head or feel- 
ers or whatever—but there was no way 
any toxins were entering her children’s 
systems, not if she could help it. So 1 
rented the rowboat. “No problem,” 1 
told Vicki, who was looking terrific in 
a sunbonnet, her bikini top and a pair 
of skimpy shorts that showed off her 
smooth, solid legs and the Gulpy tattoo 
on her ankle, The fact was I hadn't been 
kayaking since the rains started and 1 
was looking forward to the exercise 

It took me a few strokes to reacquaint 
myself with the apparatus of oars and 
oarlocks, and we lurched away from the 
dock as if we'd been torpedoed, but I got 
into the rhythm of it soon enough and 
we glided cleanly out across the mir- 
rored surface of the lake. Vicki didn't 
want me to go more than 20 oi 
from shore, and that was all righ 
except that I found myself dredging up 
noxious-smelling clumps of pondweed 
that seemed to cast a powerful olfactory 
spell over Bruce. He kept snapping at 
the weed as I lifted first one oar and then 
the other to try to shake it off, and once 
or twice I had to drop the oars and disci- 
pline him because he was leaning so far 
out over the bow I thought we were 
going to lose him. Still, we saw birdlife 
everywhere we looked—herons, egrets, 
cormorants and anhingas—and the kids 
got a real kick out of a clutch of painted 
turtles stacked up like dinner plates on a 
half-submerged log. 

1 gone halfa п 


+ or so, | guess, to 
е where the wake of 
the motorboats wouldn't interfere over- 


much with the mustarding of the sand- 
wiches and the delicate operation of 
pouring the wine into long-stemmed 
crystal glasses. The baby, wrapped up 
like a sausage in her life jacket—or life 
cradle might be more accurate—was 
asleep, a blissful baby smile painted on 
her lips. Bruce curled up at my feet in 
the brown swill at the bottom of the boat 
and Vicki sipped wine and gave me a 
look of contentment so deep and pure I 
was beginning to think I wouldn't mind 
seeing it across the breakfast table for the 
rest of my life. It was tranquil—dragon- 
flies hovering, fish rising, not a mosquito 
in sight. Even little Ethan, normally such 
id, seemed to be enjoying him- 
self, tracing the pattern of his finger in 
the water as the boat rocked and drifted 
ina gentle airy dance. 

About that water. The TJC assured us 
it was unpolluted by һитап waste and 
uncontaminated by farm runoff, and 
that its rusty color—it was nearly opaque 
and perpetually blooming with the 
microscopic creatures that make up the 
bottom of the food chain in a healthy 
and thriving aquatic ecosystem—was 
perfectly natural. Though the lake had 
been dredged out of the swampland 
some 40 years earlier, this was the way its 
water had always looked, and the crea- 
tures that lived and throve here were 
grateful for it—like all of us in Jubilation, 
they had Charles Contash to thank. 

Well. We drifted, the dog and the baby 
snoozed, Vicki kept up a happy chatter 
on any number of topics, all of which 
seemed to have a subtext of sexual in- 
nuendo, and I just wasn't prepared for 
what came next, and I blame myself, 
I do. Maybe it was the wine or the in- 
fluence of the sun and the faint sweet 
cleansing breeze, but I wasn't alert to the 
dangers inherent in the situation—I was 
an American, raised in a time of pros- 
perity and peace, and I'd been spared 
the tumult and horror ited on so 
many of the less fortunate in this world. 
New York and LA may have becn nasty 
es, and Lauren was a plague in her 
own right, but nobody had ever bombed 
my village or shot down my family in the 
street, and when my parents died they 
died quietly, in their own beds. 

1 was in the act of extracting the wine 
bottle from its cradle of ice in the cooler 
when the boat gave a sudden lurch and I 
glanced up just in time to see the broad 
flat grinning reptilian head emerge from 
the water, pluck Ethan off the gunwale 
and vanish in the murk. It was like an il- 
lusion in a magic show—now he’s here, 
now he isn’ 
spond until my brain replayed the scene 
and I felt the sudden horror knife at my 
heart. “Did уои” I began, but Vicki 
was already screaming. 


The sequence of events becomes a lit- 
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FL AT Б. 


looking back on it, Im fairly certain 
the funeral service preceded the thrash- 
ing we took from Hurricane Albert—1 
distinctly remember the volunteerism 
the community showed in dredging the 
lake, which would have been impossible 
after the hurricane hit. Sadly, no trace of 
little Ethan was ever found. No need to 
tell you how devastated I was—I was as 
hurt and wrung out as I've ever been in 
my life, and ГЇЇ never give up second- 
guessing myself—but even more, 1 was 
angry. Angry over the Contash Corp.'s 
failure to disclose the hazards lurking 
around us and furious over the way the 
press jumped on the story, as if the life of 
a child was worth no more than a crude 
joke or a wedge to drive between the cit- 
izens of the community and the rest of 
the so-called civilized world. Alligator 


Mom. That was what they called Vickiin 
headlines three inches high, and could 
anyone blame her for packing up and 
going back to her mother in Philadel- 
phia? 1 took her place on the Citizens’ 
Committee, though Га never been 
involved in community affairs in my life 
to that point, and I was the one who 
pushed through the initiative to remove 
all the dangerous animals from the lake, 
no matter what their size or species (and 
that was a struggle, too, with the envi- 
ronmentalists crying foul in all their 
puritanical fervor, and one тап] 
won't name him here—even pushing to 
have the alligators’ teeth capped as a 
compromise solution). 

It wasn't all bad, though. The service 
at the Jubilation Nondenomination- 
al Chapel, for all its solemnity, was a real 


“Say, this really is a complete home entertainment center!” 


inspiration to us all, a public demonstra- 
tion of our solidarity and determination. 
Charles Contash himself flew in from 
a meeting with the Russian premier to 
the eulogy, every man, woman and 
in town turned out to pay their re- 
spects, and the cards and flowers poured 
in from all over the country. Even July 
Weeks turned up, despite his friction 
with the TJC, and we found common 
ground in our contempt for the re- 
porters massed on the steps out in front 
of the chapel. He stood tall that day, bar- 
ring the door to anyone whose face he 
didn't recognize, and 1 forgave him his 
curtains, for the afternoon at least. 

Ifanything, the hurricane brought us 
together even more than little Ethan's 
tragedy. I remember the sky taking on 
the deep purple-black hue of a bruise 
and the vanguard of the rain that lashed 
down in a fusillade of wind-whipped pel- 
lets and the winds that sucked the breath 
right out of your body. Sam and Ernesta 
Fills helped me board up the windows 
of my Casual Contempo, and together 
we helped Mark and Leonard and the 
Weekses with their places and then went 
looking to lend a hand wherever we 
could. And when the storm hit in all its 
intensity, just about everybody in town 
was bundled up safe and sound in the 
bastion of the movie palace, where the 
emergency generator allowed the TJC 
to lift the burden from our minds with 
a marathon showing of the Contash 
Corp.'s most beloved family films. Of 
course, we emerged to the devastation of 
what the National Weather Service was 
calling the single most destructive storm 
of the past century, and a good propor- 
tion of Jubilation had been reduced to 
rubble or swept away altogether. 1 was 
luckier than most. I lost the back wall 
that gives on to the kitchen, which in 
turn was knee-deep in roiling brown wa- 
ter and packed to the ceiling with wind- 
blown debris, and my wraparound 
porch was wrapped around the Weekses’ 
house, but on the plus side the offending 
race car and the boat were lifted right up 
into the sky and for all we know dropped 
somewhere over the Atlantic, and the 
Weekses' curtains aren't really an issue 
anymore. 

As for myself, I've been rebuilding with 
the help of a low-interest loan secured 
through the Contash Corp. I've begun, 
in a tentative way, to date Felicia, whose 
husband was one of the six fatalities we 
recorded once the storm had moved on. 
Beyond that, my committee work keeps 
me pretty busy, I've been keeping in 
touch with Vicki both by phone and 
e-mail, and every time I see Bruce chase 
a pe Imetto bug up the side of the new re- 
taining wall, I just want to smile. And I 
do. 1 do smile. Sure, things could be bet- 
ter, but they could be worse, too. I live in 
Jubilation. How bad can it be? 


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TOBEY MAGUIRE 


(continued from page 59) 
What happened? 
MAGUIRE: 1 was off camera. She leaned 
forward to give the kiss. She didn't have 
to really kiss me, because the camera 
wouldn't see it, but she planted one on 
me. I wasn't expecting it. 
PLAYBOY: What did you think? 
MAGUIRE: I understood what she was do- 
ing. She was doing it for the realism of 
the moment. 
PLAYBOY: You make it sound like a chore 
MAGUIRE: Doing scenes like that is usual- 
ly awkward. 
PLAYBOY: Was that one? 
MAGUIRE: A little. You don't know the 
person that well. You feel funny about it. 
You're apologizing. For Deconstructing 
Harry, I was in bed with some woman. I 
don’t even remember her name. We've 
got half of our clothes off. I'm asking her, 
“Is this OK?” I was apologizing. I didn't 
want to offend her. It's pretty awkward 
when there are 40 people around. 
PLAYBOY: Can't you get into it? 
MAGUIRE: too awkward. I feel self- 
conscious. I'm trying to mask it, obvious- 
ly. Im trying to be involved in the scene, 
but it's the most awkward thing there is. 
PLAYBOY: Many guys would love the 
chance to be that awkward. 
MAGUIRE: Yeah, you tell people how hard 
it is and they go, “Yeah, right.” Yes, I get 
to kiss hot chicks, and the truth is that it's 
really weird. You want to get it over with. 
A lot of times the person will be married 
or you'll be in a relationship. That's 
weird, too. 
PLAYBOY: Yet with Dunst, it apparently 
led toa real-life romance. 
MAGUIRE: This is where the wall goes up. 
[He motions with his hands.] That's what 1 
don't talk about. 
PLAYBOY: But there have been numerous 
reports about your romance and then 
your split-up. 
MAGUIRE: [Smiles, shakes his head.] 
PLAYBOY: All right. How about now: Do 
you have a girlfriend? 
MAGUIRE: The wall is up. That's the 
boundary I won't cross. 
PLAYBOY: Isn't it part of the deal that ac- 
tors will be asked about their personal 
lives? Can you be a movie star and retain 
your privacy? 
MAGUIRE: 1 think so. 1 do interviews be- 
cause I have to promote my films. | don’t 
have a problem with people being in- 
quisitive about my life, but I don't have 
to answer. 
PLAYBOY: And yet when you succeed in 
this business, your private life becomes 
the stuff of gossip and innuendo. 
MAGUIRE: I don't pay that much attention 
to it. | don't react. There's no point. It's 
what it is. You accept it. You don't let it 
affect your life. You try not to have an 
emotional reaction, because it's a waste 
of energy. 
PLAYBOY: Did you always want to be a 


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PLAYBOY 


movie star? 

MAGUIRE: І п did. I wanted to act, 
but that's different. However, there's a 
greater reward in this industry for being 
famous than for being a talented actor. 
I'm a businessman as well as an actor. 1 
would never do a film just because I 
thought it would be a high-profile mov- 
ie. I did Spider-Man because I believed in 
the story and the filmmaker, but as a re- 
sult of getting famous I get more power 
in this business—more options, more 
opportunities. But it's not something to 
which 1 aspired. I just wanted to act. 
PLAYBOY: Is it true that your mother paid 
you $100 to take an acting class? 
MAGUIRE: Yes. I was signed up to take an- 
other class—home economics. She want- 
ed me to take a drama class, and $100 
was a lot of money for me. 

PLAYBOY: She and your father were ex- 
tremely young when you were born. 


Have you had conversations with them 
about what it was like to have a child at 
18 and 20? 

MAGUIRE: Many. Гуе thought, My god, 
when my dad was my age, he had a 10- 
year-old and a seven-year-old. It blows 
my mind. At my age, my mother had a 
nine-year-old, 1 don't know what 1 
would have done if I had had kids at 
their age. I would barely be able to take 
care of myself. ГІЇ wait until I'm in my 
30s to have kids. Thirty-two to 36 seems 
like a good window. 

PLAYBOY: Your parents divorced when 
you were very young. Did you still see 
them both? 

MAGUIRE: Yes, 1 always lived with one or 
the other. We moved around a lot, but 1 
was always in touch with them both. 
PLAYBOY: You've said you were “super- 
poor.” How did you deal with it? 
MAGUIRE: At times I was embarrassed. 


opm 


When you hit that age of 19, 13 years old 
and you're just going through puberty 
and you like girls and all that stuff, peo- 
ple start commenting on how you look 
and how you dress. 1 went through a pe- 
riod there when I was embarrassed, like 
when my mom would pay for food with 
food stamps or use Medi-Cal at the doc- 
tor's office. I got over it. They worked 
hard to give me things they felt were im- 
portant. My mother gave me ama; 
gifts on my birthday and Christmas. 
took me to Hawaii and paid for it with 
credit cards. She bought a piano on 
credit. She got me in martial arts and 
dance and all that. They extended them- 
selves in ways that were hard for them. 
They made sacrifices, and I respect that. 
I wouldn't change anything, though I 
wouldn't have kids so young and I 
wouldn't move around so much. 
PLAYBOY: What was the effect of all that 
moving around? 

MAGUIRE: I didn't have many friends. By 
the time I was 12, 1 stopped makin 
friends. I just didn't want to deal with it. 
I hung out with people, but didn't get in- 
vested. 1 prided myself on that. Later we 
settled down and | made good friends, 
but it took a while. I have friends from 
when I was 14, but it took a few years for 
me to admit that these were my friends. 
It took time for me to realize that I could 
trust them. 

PLAYBOY: And now? What do you like to 
do with your friends? 

MAGUIRE: Just hang out. 

PLAYBOY: Are your clubbing days over? 
MAGUIRE: I love music, but I haven't 
gone to clubs in a while. 

PLAYBOY: What do you listen to? 
MAGUIRE: Hip-hop. I like Snoop Dogg 
from 1993. Dr. Dre is one of the best pr: 
ducers of all time. I like most mu: 
though I can’t get into country mu 
Folk is OK. Lennon-McCartney is the 
best writing team ever. I definitely enjoy 
hip-hop, especially the guys who aren't 
speaking redundantly about making a 
lot of money and all the women they've 
got as slaves. Eminem is not only an in- 
teresting artist, but also an interesting 
topic. He has a strong, emotional voice. 
1 think he’s an interesting product of 
our society. 

PLAYBOY: Are cigars now your only vice? 
MAGUIRE: And a little caffeine. 

PLAYBOY: What kind of cigars do you pre- 
fer to smoke? 

MAGUIRE: Cohiba Robusto is really the 
main: 
PLAYBOY: When did you start smoking 
cigars? 

MAGUIRE: | started smoking them occa- 
sionally a few years ago. It’s a little more 
ional now. I try to keep it out 
of certain publications. I wouldn't care, 
except that I'm in a kid's movie and 
don't really want kids to be going, “It’s 
cool. Look at him." If I'm anywhere high 
profile, 1 don't smoke. 

PLAYBOY: Any other vices? 


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MAGUIRE: Some video games. 

PLAYBOY: Are they a vice? 

MAGUIRE: They can be. When you play a 
lot, and I have been known to do that 
sometimes. 

PLAYBOY: What games do you play? 
MAGUIRE: Now I'm playing Indiana Jones 
on Xbox. I just got done with The Gel- 
away and Vice City on PlayStation. Vice 
City is an intense game and I kept wait- 
ing for some redeeming value to show it- 
self, but there's none. There's no good 
moral to this game. It’s about a crime 
lord. He does despicable things. 1 
thought maybe he would be some un- 
dercover good guy or something, but 
no. It'sa mind-blowing game. 

PLAYBOY: When and why did you become 
a vegetarian? 

MAGUIRE: About 10 years ago. I was al- 
ways picking through stuff and getting 
nauseated half the time | was eating. 1 
don't like bloodstains. I don't like giz- 
zards and veins. 1 don't like eating dead 
carcasses pumped full of chemicals and 
hormones. It's not a moral thing. It's 
logical to me not to eat that shit since 1 
would get nauseated. 

PLAYBOY: How has your life changed 
since you became famous? 

MAGUIRE: I have to protect myself. Peo- 
ple follow me sometimes 

PLAYBOY: Are you referring to the dread- 
ed paparazzi? 

MAGUIRE: Yeah. You look in your rear- 
view mirror and you see two cars follow 
ing you—guys with cameras. I don't like 
people getting photos of me. 

PLAYBOY: How intrusive is it? 

MAGUIRE: Intrusive, but you adjust 
Sometimes I'm like, Screw it, I'm staying 
home because I don't want to deal with 
it. Sometimes three or four cars are fol- 
lowing me and I decide, This is ridicu- 
lous, and I just go home 

PLAYBOY: Are you bothered by fans? 
MAGUIRE: Fans tend to be respectful. 1 
don't mind them. 1 mind the people who 
make money at other people's expense. 
I don't respect that. Fans ask permis 
sion—"Can I have an autograph 
eating now, but maybe on my way out." 
Paparazzi, though, don't ask permission. 
They want to get you at your worst or 
your most intimate moments. 

PLAYBOY: Do you worry that it could be- 
come so invasive that you would be un- 
able to have a normal life? 

MAGUIRE: 1 can always move. I live in Los 
Angeles because it's where my friends 
are. It's my home. I'm active here pro- 
ducing movies now. But I could leave. 1 
don't imagine there are many paparazzi 
in Montana. 

PLAYBOY: Montana? 

MAGUIRE: Who knows? When I start a 
family. I probably wouldn't choose to do 
it here. That's all I know. For now, I deal 
with it. I's a price I can pay. My life isn't 


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PLAYBOY 


142 


Charles Rangel 
(continued from 9 121) 
want a debate. It’s not like civil rights 
legislation, on which you have to educate 
people. I want equity. If for some reason 
God is good and says we don't need any 
more damn military, then I'm not going 
to be pushing it. My government is go- 
ing to tell the American people it needs 
more young people for whatever pur- 
poses. And when it does, I'm going to 
say that the equitable way to fulfill our 
nation’s need is through the draft. I'm 
not saying get rid of the volunteer Army. 
But why give involuntary extensions to 
those who are serving now? Why call up 
the reservists and the National Guard 
over and over? I went to see off some 
National Guardsmen from my district. 
Some of them have gone two or three 
times. They don't have any problem ful- 
filling their obligation, but they don't 
really feel that they're appreciated. Let 
everyone do a little bit and each person 
will have less to do. 


7 


PLAYBOY: We've entered an age of asym- 
metrical wars, in which a small terrorist 


group rather than another state can do 
a great deal of damage to our country. 
What would satisfy your definition of a 
national emergency? 

RANGEL: It would not be when the presi- 
dent gives a speech and the Congress 
says, “We don't know what it's all about, 
but we authorize you unilaterally to at- 
tack Iraq.” Who the hell are you going to 
go to war with because of September 11? 
Bush said, Somebody's got to pay for 
this. You're either with us or against us, 
and if you give them shelter, we'll de- 
stroy you, too. That's a sophisticated ver- 
sion of what we do on the block. Some- 
one hurts someone in your family and 
the gang gets together and says, “Some- 
body's got to pay for this.” It makes you 
feel better. Based on that idea, 1 would 
have thought they would go and bomb 
Saudi Arabia—a majority of the hijack- 
ers were of Saudi origin. But I believe 
there was an intention to go into this 
region long before 9/11. September 11 
just caused us to kick it up a notch and 
identify the biggest bum. 


8 


PLAYBOY: You have said you could sup- 
port a preemptive military strike. 


"I bought you a thesaurus. I hope it 
will help you come up with a better word to describe my sexual 


performance than ‘adequate. 


RANGEL: You bet your life. If there's some 
guy around the corner with a pipe, wait- 
ing for me, I don't want to get hit. Take 
him out. But you have to have evidence. 
I say without fear of contradiction that, 
in all the briefings, they haven't given 
one scintilla of evidence. We left the sub- 
ject of Osama bin Laden. We're dealing 
with Saddam Hussein. And if you don't 
find any weapons of mass destruction, 
what are you left with? Regime change. 


9 


PLAYBOY: God is often invoked by Amer- 
ican politicians. Do you feel that the 
deity plays too large of a role in our pub- 
lic policy discussions, given the constitu- 
tional prohibition against a state-estab- 
lished religion? 

RANGEL: I spent a lot of time building the 
fire wall between religion and the state. 
If someone in charge starts expounding 
on their religion, then there's an exclu- 
sion of respect for other people's beliefs. 
The born-agains, they exclude a lot of 
people from entering their kingdom of 
heaven. In fact, someone on the House 
floor said that Israel belongs to the Jews 
because they're supposed to be hold- 
ing on to it for Jesus Christ's return. 
Representative Barney Frank said to me, 
“What you don't understand, Charlie, 
is that when your Jesus gets to our Isra- 
el and finds out how much we Jews 
charged for rent while he's been gone, 
he is not going to want to be there.” 
Some born-agains would say that I can't 
make heaven because I'm ridiculing 
what they believe. But they seem to be 
far more aggressive than people of other 
religions. Jerry Falwell has condemned 
Muhammad for being a terrorist. This 
country, as great as we are, is so young. 
We're without any concern about others” 
beliefs and cultures. 


10 


PLAYBOY: You have gone on record as 
supporting some faith-based organiza- 
tions. Can you explain? 

RANGEL: This administration would like 
10 pass off federal obligations by giving 
money to different religions and thereby 
reduce or eliminate federal responsi 
ity. But when you get to rehabilitation, 
that's where I’m stumped. I've fought 
the incursion of drugs all my adult life, 
unfortunately, because of the communi- 
ty where I was born and raised, in 
Harlem. It’s still a major problem and it 
doesn't get the attention that it should. 
With rehabilitation, what works, works. 
In our prisons black Muslims substitute 
the Muslim faith for addiction. The 
churches and synagogues do an ex- 
tremely good job in doing this. 


11 


PLAYBOY: You are a liberal Democrat 
who was first elected to Congress dur- 
ing the Nixon administration. How fares 


liberalism these days? 

RANGEL: Liberals have been demonized. 
But I'm for fiscal responsibility. 1 don't 
like paying the interest on the money 
we borrow. We debate the question every 
day on the House floor. Under the poli- 
cies the administration has enunciated, 
in 10 years we'll be trillions of dollars 
in debt and the interest on that debt is 
going to be more than we're paying for 
health care. That doesn't sound like a 
sound fiscal policy. But is it liberal to 
start looking at the priority the Chinese 
give to education while we think of it as 
a local responsibility? It should frighten 
the hell out of anybody that a 
people will be better educated than we 
are, Will we be in a position to compete? 
And it seems to me that when people are 
sick and don't have health care or are 
worried about their kids not being cov- 
ered, they're not going to be the most 
productive employees. 


12 


PLAYBOY: The Constitution requires that 
all spending bills originate in the House 
of Representatives. As the ranking Dem- 
ocrat on the Ways and Means Commit- 
tee, could you explain how you and your 
fellow members affect our daily lives? 

RANGEL: Most members of Congress 
believe that we who serve on the Ways 
and Means Committee have more self- 
esteem than we really need [laughs]. IF 
you're dealing with the economy, then 
you're dealing with issues we meet about 
every day in Ways and Means. We have 
all the responsibility for raising taxes and 
we also have responsibility for all inter- 
national trade agreements, because tar- 
1% are taxes. Social Security is the largest 
social program that has ever been enact- 
ed. We have responsibility for that and 
for Medicare programs as well. When 
you get older you'll appreciate us more. 


13 


pravuov: Potential draftees may want to 
have a say in whether the politicians who 
advocate a draft bill will continue in their 
careers. Would you like to encourage 
them to visit the polls? 

RANGEL: One of the saddest things is 
when less than one quarter of the eligi- 
ble voters elect the president. Either 
there's something wrong with the system 
or we politicians aren't getting our mes- 
sage across. There are those who care 
about their communities, get their hands 
dirty, find out what the issues are and 
raise hell for what they believe in. This 
has allowed us to succeed for 200 years 
and to become the world's most power- 
ful, most sought-after country. 1 fear that 
if more people drop out of the system, 
justa handful of people who are not very 
representative may prevail, especially in 
view of the expense of getting elected. 
Some may wake up in the morning and 
bitch, but it won't make much difference. 


And as a minority, I want both parties to 
get people involved. I'm bothered by the 
fact that more than 90 percent of black 
Americans are Democrats. There's no 
question that they're often taken for 
granted by the Democrats. 


14 


PLAYBOY: You've raised millions for Dem- 
ocratic candidates. Doesn't the cash go to 
feed the TV ad machine? 

RANGEL: Unfortunately, and to the cha- 
grin of grassroots politicians who still 
truly believe that local issues count and 
that you campaign by knocking on doors. 
The political consultants who control 
campaigns are one of the worst things 
that have ever happened to us. They not 
only advocate heavy investments in tele- 
vision, but they also get a heavy return, 
15 percent or so of that spending. 


15 


PLAYBOY: You marched with Martin Lu- 
ther King Jr. in Selma in 1965. What's 
оп race relations? 
proving. 1 could 
never believe the hatred and threats that 
my grandfather was subjected to when 
he was in Accomac, Virginia. And yet it 
bothers me that people are not prepared 
to say that the pains and the scars of slav- 
ery are not still here. Just being born 
white is an affirmative action. A lot of 
kids, because of their color, don’t think 
as much of themselves as they should 
and therefore don’t progress as fast as 
they should. We have a long way to go in 
this country, but blacks love this country 
like no other people. They don't have 
their own culture or their own names, 
but they have just the same hopes and 
dreams. You shouldn't need affirmative 
action, but you need it now. A classic 
example is Atlanta, which had as much 
prejudice as any Southern city, but once 
we had the Voting Rights Act—once 
they were able to elect black officials— 
you found the mutual respect Atlantans 
had for one another. My wife is from 
Florida, and she has said that, cultural- 
ly speaking, she has more in common 
with white Southerners than she does 
with black Northerners. 


16 


PLAYBOY: You're regarded as something 
of a wit in Congress, where members 
love to tell stories from back home. Can 
you honor us with a Rangelism? 

RANGEL; Everything Гуе said I've stolen 
from somebody else. Years ago we had a 
true wit in Mo Udall. Once, he came to 
the well and said that everything that 
could be said about the bill in question 
had already been said. The House went 
up in cheers—until we heard him say, 
“But not everyone has said it.” It was two 
o'clock in the morning. E use that line a 
lot when Um the last speaker. 


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144 


17 


PLAYBOY: It's rumored that Hillary Rod- 
ham Clinton owes the idea of running 
for a New York Senate seat to Charles 
Rangel. Does the mantle of power bro- 
ker rest lightly upon your shoulders? 
RANGEL: I like that question. I'll respond 
with a Rangelism: For seven years 1 
courted my wife and I still believe it was 
her idea to get married. I was one of 
Hillary Clinton's strongest supporters. 
When she hadn't made up her mind as 
to what she was going to do, I was able to 
visit with people in labor, fund-raisers, 
state party leaders and members of the 
Democratic congressional delegation. 
There was excitement over the possibil- 
ity of her running. 


18 


клүвоу: On a recent episode of The West 
Wing, President Josiah Bartlet finds him- 
self dealing with an African American 
congressman from New York who 
member of the Ways and Means Com- 
mittee and who wants to reinstate the 
draft. Do you think you can trump Al 
Gore's claim that he and Tipper served 
as models for Love Slory? 

RANGEL: I saw that clip. That show comes 
on Wednesday night, and that is the 
worst night in the world for us, because 
it’s the big legislative night. 1f you want 
to watch it you have to leave the House 
floor. Some members have it taped be- 
cause they like it so much. They vicari- 
ously live through it. Well, 1 don't know 
where they're going with this damn con- 
gressman they got. But maybe if he ends 
up being appointed to the presidency 
like Bush, we could work out something. 


19 


PLAYBOY: We've heard reports about bad 
feclings across the aisle in Congress. Do 
you find them overblown? 

RANGEL: Newt Gingrich came in with a 
slash-and-burn attitude. He demonized 
the Democrats and he was successful in 
getting moderate Republicans to think 
along more conservative lines. Before 
grich a thin line separated Republi- 
cans and Democrats. We would travel 
together. We'd work together. We'd have 
friendships. You don't find this with the 
newer members, because they fight so 
hard in terms of ideology. The Repub- 
licans have fewer hearings on issues, 
which means committees meet less often. 
There's less communication, so we don't 
know one another as people. When you 
had [Democrat] Tip O'Neill and the Re 
publican leadership of Bob Michel, you 
found strong political differences but no 
personality problems. 


20 


PLAYBOY: You regularly appear on tele- 
vision talk shows hosted by outspoken 
conservatives. Does Charlie Rangel get a 
thrill out of entering the lion's den? 

RANGEL: I don't like Democrats being 
pushed around. If you don't show up, 
they're going to talk about you. If you 
do show up, you may not win, but more 
often than not, no matter how mean- 
spirited they appear, when you're in 
the commercial break, they will let you 
know they re happy that you're making 
a show for them. Right-wing people get 
so excited and angry with me, I increase 


their ratings. 


‘Ah, here’s Miss Bergstrom now—and it looks like 
she’s got good news.” 


JAILBAIT 


(continued form page 84) 
measure because these are extreme 
times.” Then he addressed his remarks 
to the students, who would be forced to 
it through the tape a week later. “To our 
student body, I would say you haven't 
seen anything yet. We are going to get 
more and more creative.” 

Officials explained that in the three 
months “the undercover officer” was in 
Altoona High School, “he or she” made 
more than 50 drug buys, which led 
to charges against six students and an- 
other 10 adults, busting a drug ring that 
preyed on students. 

State Attorney General Fisher, who 
had organized the sting, told everyone 
that drugs in school are “a growing con- 
cern to all Pennsylvanians. Young people 
have gotten to the point that not only 
would they think of using and selling 
marijuana to someone but they would be 
using cocaine, heroin and pills like Oxy- 
Contin,” he said. “And in many instances 
they're selling those drugs right here їп 
the school building. These arrests today 
puta stop to that.” 

He continued, “I believe this case 
should serve as an example to other 
school districts across Pennsylvania that 
law enforcement is out there to help 
them solve their problems in a coopera- 
tive fashion. 

Fisher's presence propelled the sto- 
ry—to the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette, to the 
front page of the Altoona Mirror, which 
praised the sting as “good for the com- 
munity” and even to the AP, which sent 
out on the wires 720 words under the 
headline UNDERCOVER AGENT INFILTRA 
SCHOOL DISTRICT. 

In a local poll, Altoona residents were 
split evenly over the question, “Do you 
support the use ofan undercover officer 
to make drug arrests at Altoona Area 
High School?” 

Some parents wanted to know why it 
was necessary in the first place. There 
had been 16 heroin-related deaths in 
Blair County from 1996 to 2000, and 
officials felt themselves under pressure 
to do something. Two students last ye: 
were caught using heroin. One set of 
parents complained that they slept with 
their wallets hidden from their drug-ad- 
dled children. 

“The overdoses were a real concern 
says Altoona's principal, Sharon Fasen- 
myer. “When you see that happen in the 
society around the school, you have to 
wonder what's happening in your high 
school. We knew there was a major drug 
problem in the community, but there 
was a question about whether it was also 
in the school." When the school's securi- 
ty chief called for an undercover sting, 
teachers and school officials had little 


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146 


choice but to go along. Many of them 
didn't know who Amber Baxter really was. 


THE NARC 


From childhood, undercover officer 


Jessica Miller knew she wanted to work 


in law enforcement. She says she was 10 
years old when she realized what she 
wanted to be when she grew up. After 
high school in a small Pennsylvania town 
and with not much else going on—she 
worked for two years tending bar in var- 
ious places—she enrolled at the John- 
stown Regional Police Academy. 

Early last year while working in uni- 
form on street patrol, she was recruited 
by Randy Feathers, a suit-and-tie agent 
for the Blair County Drug Task Force. 
He had been locking for a narc to send 
to Altoona Area High School, and he 
gave Miller a brief description of the as- 
signment and offered her the job on the 
spot. “Whether she was good-looking or 
not had nothing to do with it,” Feathers 
told me. "It could have just as easily been 
a guy, or another woman. It was just that 
she looked young.” At the time, Miller 
was 23, but she liked to say she looked 
about 10. 

She remembers how she prepared for 
her first day at Altoona by trading in her 
pistol, holsters and ammunition belts for 
some “teenager-type clothes” with hearts 
and trendy logos, and applying a thick 
swath of glittery blue eye shadow, which 
she'd seen on her brother's girlfriend. 

Then she drove up to Smokers’ Cor- 
ner. “I left my lighter in the car and went 
to the corner where they all hang out 
and asked some guy for a light, simple as 
that,” she says. “I never think—1 just 
wing it. I find it works better that way 
because you never sound rehearsed. I 


didn't even find out my name was going 
to be Amber Baxter until the day before. 
And 1 almost forgot it a few times when 
people would call my name in the halls.” 
Armed with fictitious transfer papers 
and a report card concocted by the 
school district, she invented a past and a 
present, telling kids she lived alone with 
her mother; that her father, a Vietnam 
veteran and motorcyclist, was long gone. 
“It’s not like I had any training for this,” 
she says. “But 1 didn't think it would be 
too hard. It wasn't that long ago that I 
was in school myself.” 

‘Though she has never before spoken 
publicly about the undercover job, she 
told ptaypoy that the hardest part of 
what she did in Altoona was keeping the 
truth from her father and brother. “My 
little brother would call me three times a 
week, wanting to go the mall or the mov- 
ies. I'd have to make up some story to 
tell him, and the more I lied to him the 
more he kept asking me. It was so hard.” 

The man who had asked Agent Feath- 
ers to recruit a young narc was Altoona’s 
school director of police services, Jack 
Reilly, a chunky ex-cop. Previously, Reil- 
ly was the Altoona chief of police, and he 
runs the school like a station house com- 
mander battling a rising crime wave, еа- 
ger to prove his place and establish “that 
cops and educators can work together.” 

When I interview him a few months 
after Amber left, he jokes that “a lot of 
guys sure scemed to like her” and that 
“one football player was especially inter- 
ested and wrote her a lot of notes.” Then 
Reilly turns serious. He leans forward in 
a metal chair, behind him a black gun 
safe the size of a small coffin. He says 
that Amber's arrests “had a three- or 
four-year deterrent value, until the next 


“I said touch your nose, ma'am, but I suppose that's close enough." 


batch of students comes through.” 

A footnote to America's war on drugs 
may record heras the person who helped 
make sexuality an instrument of Pennsyl- 
vania's drug policy. But Miller adamantly 
denies that flirting had anything to do 
with her police work. She denies shooting 
heroin with Jonathan or having sex with 
Jason—"That's just ridiculous, " she says. 
‘Then, faintly, she laughs. 

“1 was very careful not to let anyone 
think that by selling to me they might 
have a chance to go out with me, because 
that’s not fair and it raises entrapment 
issues,” she says. When I mention that so 
many guys had thought she was beauti- 
ful and sexy, she says, “I guess that's just 
their opinion. | mean, I wouldn't want 
them to say I was ugly.” 

When 1 told her that Bobby Noel felt 
ticked and that he claimed he wasn't 
anything remotely close to a drug dealer, 
she replied, “1 could see how he would 
say that. But he approached me. I didn't 
force him.” 


THE AFTERMATH, 


Malicia and the boys didn’t put up 
a fight. Bobby and Jason pleaded guil- 
ty. The judge gave Bobby community 
service for passing $20 worth of weed. 
With less than two weeks left in school, 
he got suspended from Altoona High 
and kicked off the football team, spoiling 
his bid for a college scholarsh 

“They completely ruined his say 
Cindy Noel, Bobby's mother. “Football 
was the thing he loved most, and 
doesn't even want to talk about i 
her angry tone changes and she sounds 
almost pleading. "If they were so wor- 
ried about him using drugs, why didn't 
they just look at the two drug tests he did 
last year?" 

"These days Bobby refuses to discuss 
football. He still works out, and his bench 
is up to 265, but he will not set foot on a 
field. He's focusing all his attention on 
Christa, his new fiancée, for whom he 
just bought a small diamond ring with a 
white gold band. “She's it now, man,” he 
says. “Football is over.” He says he's go- 
ing to become a truck driver like his fa 
ther, and that he has chalked up his NFL 
dreams to his boyhood. In the middle of 
such resignation, he suddenly turns an- 
gry. “How is this fair?" he asks. “Wasn't 
she corrupting minors?” Still, remem- 
bering that day in the courthouse when 
he realized Amber was a narc, Bobby 
can't suppress a smile. “To tell you the 
truth, she looked even better in a sui 

Jason Kruise got 92 hours of communi- 
ly service for his felony conviction and 
now, on probation, works at a telemarket- 
ing outfit selling long-distance s 
He seems to wear his conviction lightly, 
but his mother and father are deeply up- 
set about it. “The judge told him there's 
so much he's not going to be able to do,” 
says his mother, Debbie. “He'll never be 


able to get a loan, he'll never be able to 

join the service, he'll never be able to 

vote, he'll never be able to do jury duty. 

You know, he'll probably never be able to 
a decent job around here.” 

m not saying Jason was a saint, but 
what they did was wrong,” adds his father, 
Richard. “You puta knockout dressed like 
that in the school with teenage boys— 
come on. I don't care who they are, any 
guy would do the same thing to make out. 
And then you mess up a 19-year-old's Ше 
for a lousy joint? Or even a $20 bag? 
That's bullshit. They set him up. There's 
worse crimes ig on than that.” 

Malicia was also suspended and sen- 
tenced to 40 hours of commu 
. “I know I got off pretty easy,” she 
says, “but all I did 
was give her a bag 
of shake when she 
asked me for it. And 
really blows ha: 
ing everyone think 
I'm a bad kid now, 
you know, because T 
used to get A's and 
Bs." Most of all, Ma- 
licia says, she feels 
betrayed. “I know 
busting people was 
her job, and I try to 
look at both sides of 
it. But she didn't 
have to pretend to 
be my best friend 
and get me to 
open up to her 
about my personal 
life. She could have 
done her job with- 


marijuana, heroi 
As for Jonathan, 
he waited the entire 
afternoon of May 
29, but when eve- 
ning came without 
a call from the po- 
lice, he was over- 
joyed. “I guess it 
would have been 1 
trapment,” he says 
now, adding he was never arrested 
or charged with any crime. “Besides, it 
wasn’t my stuff.” 
Jonathan's future pla 


are vague. He 
months—he 
even quit smoking—and is looking at go- 
ing to Penn State, where his father is 
a senior engineering aide. Maybe he'll 
work for his uncle's construction firm in 
Florida. He says he is scared straight апа 
is full of praise for the operation. “1 am 
just tired of seeing all my friends get 
caught up in heroin,” he says, “although 
Lam still pretty tripped out about get- 
ting high with a cop.” 

Alter the sting, Miller was promoted 
out of the police force and given a plum 


job as an agent in the Attorney General's 
office. The Pennsylvania Narcotic Offi- 
cer's Association gave her its inves 
of the year award. “It was а very sui 
ful operation and we'll be doing a lot 
more of these types of investigations 
with her,” says a spokesman for Attorney 
General Fisher, who lost in last year’s gu- 
bernatorial election. 

As it turns out, by late March 2003, 
Jessica had had her fill of undercover 
work and resigned. “I know it sounds 
crazy to leave the Auorney General's of- 
fice, but right now my heart is really in 
pa and being on the road.” 

When I ask her if she thought there 
were fewer hard drugs available to Al- 
toona students now, she replies, “Hon- 


girl scores a 


ге! 


To order by mall, send check 
or money order to: 


estly, I don’t have a clue. That job was 
the first time 1 had ever been to Altoona, 
and 1 haven't been back since.” 

To be fair, Jessica Miller didn't only 
bust a group of working-class boys with 
raging hormoncs. Police records show 
she made forays into the tougher parts 
of Altoona, where she impersonated a 
strung-out crack addict and made sever- 
al buys. But her refusal to smoke the 
product aroused suspicion, and a threat 
was made on her life. Her undercover 
buys helped bust a small-time heroin 
supplier, 1999 Altoona High graduate 
Rafael Sanchez, who was well-known 
and well liked on Smokers’ Corner. 

So despite the collateral damage of 


her drug war campaign—the broken 
dreams and interrupted lives of Bobby 
Noel, Jason Kruise and Malicia Dar- 
roch—Miller says she is certain she made 
some difference. 

“At least they're not flashing it around 
in the hallways like they used to do,” 
she says. 

People familiar with Altoona's heroin 

scene would disagree. “Most of my friends 
just found other dealers,” says Jonathan. 
"There's always somebody else in Al- 
toona.” Several other kids to whom I put 
the same question echoed the sentiment. 
Wally Shoeman, a straitlaced senior, says, 
“It's the same as it ever was. One girl 
selling out of her purse.” 
"It's just as easy to get drugs here,” 
says senior Luke 
Zorger, a Corner 
denizen. The only 
thing that's really 
changed, he says, 
is that at Altoona 
High every new 
transfer student is 
believed to be an 
undercover cop. 

On my last day 
in Altoona, 1 went 
back to Smokers’ 
Corner, where a 
new crowd of fresh- 
men and sopho- 
mores were out and 
jockeying up the 
pecking order con- 
trolled by the se- 
niors. Luke Zorger 
was there and so 
was Destiny, the girl 
who thought Am- 
ber was trash. Jon- 
athan came to say 
hello, although, 
since he'd trans- 
ferred to another 
school, it technically 
wasn't his corner 
anymore, In defer- 
ence to the rules, he 
didn't stay long. 

"I heard all about 
her in my old 
school," says Rachel 
Hayne, a fresh-faced sophomore in a 
hoodie. Puffing on her Marlboro Light, 
she adds, “1 hate snitches,” 

1 ask her about the availability of 
drugs, and she asks me if I'm a cop. 
Then she points to an SUV double- 
parked three quarters of the way up the 
block and about a hundred yards from 
the school, in front of a boarded-up 
house with an irregularly pitched roof 
and a mattress leaning against the door. 
"That's who you need to ask," she says, 
gesturing to the car and house. 1 turn 
back to thank her, but she has already 
vanished down the hill. 


The catfight 


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PLAYBOY 


csc (continued from page 117) 


“That’s the worst,” 


says Tim, 


“dealing with those little 


buggers after they've been hosting on a body.” 


too. There was also a kid who shot him- 
self twice in the head and lived. He 
called his father and said, ‘Dad, 1 can't 
do anything right.” 

‘The waitress brings our food and we 
begin to eat. Chris says, “Remember the 
guy who failed his paramedic's exam? 
He puta stick of dynamite in his mouth 
and blew his teeth through a wall.” My 
companions dig into their burritos with- 
out hesitation. 

“Another guy,” Tim adds, “a disc jock- 
ey, put in carplugs and taped his eyes 
shut so they wouldn't blow out. Before 
that he put down plastic so that the 
blood would go down the bathroom 
drain, then stuck the gun in a pillow.” 

“1 remember that one,” says Chris. “It 

made for a quick cleanup.” 
im as these deaths are, the worst in- 
volve children. Aftermath's youngest sui- 
cide was a nine-year-old boy who shot 
himself in the head because he was being. 
tormented in school. The youngest body 
the team has dealt with was eight months 
old—a distraught ex-boyfriend shot and 
killed the baby, ings, the 
mother and then himself. 

“How could anyone kill a baby?” says 
Tim, the father of two small children. 
He's boyish-looking in jeans and T-shirt, 
with a crew cut. “I mean, there was a 
Winnie the Pooh toy in the crib. Soon 
after that my little niece got the same toy 
for Christmas, and I was devastated.” 

Chris and Tim have mopped up after 
people who have died in every concei 
able way and for every conceivable rea- 
son. They freely discuss their experi- 
ences, as if they've compartmentalized 
them in order to cope. 

They say the most vicious death they 
have seen was a murder-suicide. In late 
1998, Daniel Jones of Lynwood, 
Illinois got tired of being kidded about 
the affair he believed his estranged wife, 
‘Tammy, was having with his co-w 
James ronovo. Jones put on a sul 
body armor, gathered two handguns 
shotgun and a semiautomatic AR-15 rifle 
and set his tr home on fire. He then 
went to his wife's Schererville, Indiana 
apartment, where he pumped more 
than 300 bullets into Ci 
used the AR-15 to sever the man’s arms 
and legs. When Castronovo pleaded 
with Jones to kill hi set his testi- 


Then Jones killed himself. When Tim 
and Chris arrived on the scene, they 
say, they were stunned by the palpable 


148 hatred of the act. 


“Lt took six technicians two days to 
clean up that place,” says Tim. “The 
neighbors sat outside on deck chairs and 
watched us work. They brought coolers 
of beer as if it were entertainment.” 


Later in the week, I am teamed with 
the two-man crew of in Reifsteck 
and Greg Banach, just back from a sui- 
cide job in Detroit. “We haven't seen 
our wives in two days,” says Greg. “We 
just spent 15 hours cleaning up a self 
inflicted death. But we once worked for 
e days straight. We lived on Slim Jims 
and Mountain Dew.” 

From Detroit, they went directly to а 
gruesome unattended death in Crystal 
Lake, Illinois, where they were confront- 
ed with a situation that has caused more 
than one Aftermath technician to quit on 
the spot. The body was at least a month 
old—what is known as a “filth job.” 

“Most can’t deal with this type of situ- 
ation,” says Greg. “Especially the mag- 
gots. We've walked into rooms that have 
a wall of flies. They cat off the body first, 
then lay their larvae, which become 
maggots. The maggots feast on the 
corpse, then hide in the walls until they 
become flies. Sometimes it takes three 
weeks to get rid of them. Rats and mice 
just run away when we come. Even 
worse than maggots are roaches. They 
get into your clothes. 
remember one cleanup where the 
scalp of the corpse had separated from 
the head,” says Ke The maggots 
were inside the scalp, and it appeared to 
be actually crawling across the floor.” 

“I'm immune to it,” Greg says. “There 
is no scene I can't handle, but FU take 
a blood job over a filth job any day. I's 
different every time. It's interesting to 
learn the inside story of a crime.” 

Unattended deaths are a preoccupa- 
tion for those working at Aftermath: 
Paradoxically, they are often the saddest 
deaths, the most unsettling scenes, the 
most challenging to clean. Chris Wilson 

по the subject. “A lot of unat- 
ths happen on the 
7 he says. “Defecating slows the 
heart rate, which can cause a heart 
attack. If a corpse is unattended for 
more than two days, it begins to bloat. 
By the third day, gas and fluids explode 
through the navel and mouth. They 
drain out and seep into everything: 
floorboards, cracks in tile, the walls. The 
stench is so bad even the things the flu- 
ids don't touch have to be thrown out. 
Alter three to four weeks the body be- 
gins to liquefy. I remember a guy who 


toilet 


was dead for more than two years. His 
daughter kept him in a room she had 
sealed off, and she'd put 150 air fresh- 
eners around to mask the stench. She 
didn't want anyone to know he'd died, 
so she could collect his Social Security 
checks. By the time we got there, there 
was nothing but the sweet smell of death 
and a filmy substance on the floor. That 
muck was once his body." 

In the worst unattended deaths. 
only does a room stink of rotten meat 
and spoiled body fluids, but it also stinks 
of the filth that the person lived in when 
he was alive. Such was the case of a 450- 
pound man who lived in a room that 
reeked of dirty Clothes, decaying food 
and cigarette butts. He drank himself 
to death and lay unattended for a week. 
When his body was finally removed it fell 
off the stretcher and literally exploded 
in the hallway. Aftermath technicians 
cleaned up the hall, then went into the 
bedroom where the corpse had been. It 
was crawling with maggots. 

“That's the worst part of our job,” says 
Tim, “dealing with those litle buggers 
after they've been hosting on a body. 
Fhey're hard to kill. When you disturb 
them they scatter everywhere, into the 
walls, and we have to track them for 
weeks. A lot of our guys don’t have the 
stomach for it. Maggots bother them be- 
cause they're alive.” 

It takes a certain kind of person to be 
an Aftermath technician, say Chris and 
Tim. Obviously, he or she must develop 
an insensitivity to blood and gore. Most 
of Aftermath’s technicians are men, of 
the three women at one time employed 
by Aftermath, one, college student Steph- 
anie Hayes, went on to work for the New 
York City Medical Examiner's office, tak- 
ing photographs and writing up reports 
at death scenes. Another, € 
Seaburg, worked as a techni 
she hurt her back. She became a secre- 
tary for the company and will soon open 
a branch of Aftermath in Haw 
third female tech quit because of trau 
ma, referred to in the wade as criti 
incident stress syndrome. It 
common for Aftermath techni 
be haunted by what they see. Some have 
terrible nightmares; others form an aver- 
sion to eating red jelly or ri 

“We get them coi 
“A lot of them quit be 
lieve what people are capable of 

“They burn out,” says Tim 


not 


not un- 


‘They 
can't deal with families pleading with 


them to ‘bring back my son. 

Aftermath makes a point of not h 
ing people who, Chris says, “are in- 
trigued by crime scenes. We avoid those 
guys who just want to go under the 
yellow tape 

“Crime scenes get those types of peo- 
ple overly excited,” says Tim. “They 
scare the hell out of us. The best guys 
can handle blood, but more important, 


they can communicate with distraught 
people. They have to be me 
ous, no kidding around. Just focus on 
the mechanics of the scene. If the family 
sees you're distraught too, it makes them 
worse. You have to see this job as part of 
a healing process.” 

“After we do a job,” says Chris, “most 
families hug us. ‘Who would we have 
turned to? they say. We can't bring back 
their loved ones, but we can help them 
move on with their lives. 1 remember 
one scene in which the coroner was 
moving a kid's body and he hit the 
head against a wall and laughed. 
mother went ballistic until we calmed 
her down. It can be hard to deal with the 
emotional trauma of cleaning up one 
room while the family is crying in anoth- 
er room because a husband of 32 years 
committed suicide.” 

Often, Aftermath gets letters of thanks. 
One man wrote that his family “was 
deeply touched and appreciative. Your 
kindness has helped restore our faith 
that good people do exist.” Another 
woman wrote, “Thank you so much for 
all your help cleaning up my father’s 
apartment. This has been a very difficult 
time and your assistance has made it a 
bit easier. Also, thank you for working 
with me on the price. Things have been 
tight, not to mention unexpected.” 


"Tim takes me into a garage behind his 
office to explain the company's tech- 
niques. When they started in the busi- 
ness, Aftermath techs would appear on a 
job with a shop vac, mop, broom, scrap- 
ers, rags, buckets and a variety of decon- 
taminate chemicals. They soon learned 
that a simple wipe-down of some scenes 
was insufficient. “Before we came along,” 
Tim says, “the cops used to just throw 
coffee grounds around to kill the smell.” 

The company has since developed a 
process to completely clean a death 
scene. First, they use a pump spray with 
Microband-X disinfectant to saniuze a 
room and kill bloodborne pathogens 
that could cause HIV, TB and hepatitis 
B and C. Then they wipe down the 
room with lemon-scented TR-32, which 
deodorizes and sanitizes, and properly 


dispose of anything that can't be sal- 
vaged. For any lingering odor they use a 
UV fogger that sprays a mist to counter 
airborne particles. 

‘Tim points out equipment lined up 
п. A pressure 
7 he says. A gen- 


against the walls. A 
ayer— for jumper 
tor. A portable he: 
fty-gallon drums for f 
“We go through 40 a yea 
ys. He points to a pile of black gar- 
bage bags. “The bags have to be three 
millimeters thick.” He looks down at 
the floor and smiles. “Watch where you 
step,” he says. A maggot. 

The second floor of the garage is 


WHERE 


HOW 


ro 


BUY 


Below is a list of retailers 
and manufacturers you can 
contact for information on 
where to find this month's 
merchandise. To buy the ap- 
parel and equipment shown 

ges 32, 41-42, 82- 
83, 106-111, 112-113 
and 155, check the listings 
below to find the stores 


nearest you. 2 


QW 
١ 


AA 


COLE. Crome, 877-94- 
CRONE. Dermalogica, der 
malogica.com. Desiron, 
desiron.com. Dior, dior. 
com. Fekkai for Men, 
fredericfekkai.com. Sal- 
vatore Ferragamo, sal 
vatoreferragamo.it. 
„| Gant, gant.com. Gibson 

# | guitar, playboy.com. 
Vm v | Gran Sasso, gransasso.t 
Guerlain, guerlain.com. 


GAMES 

Page 32: Capcom, 408-774-0500 or 
capcom.com. Empire Interactive, em 
pireinteractive.com. Gotham Games, 
gothamgames.com. Konami of Amer- 
ica, konami.com. Namco, namco.com. 
3DO, 3DO.com. Wired: Alienware, 
alienware.com. 


MANTRACK 

Pages 41-42: Beach Cigar Group, 
gurkhacigars.com. GM, cadillac.com. 
Harvard Common Press, bikerbilly.com. 
Smaricast, humminbird.com. 


WHAT'S IN YOUR BAG? 

Pages 82-83: Apple, apple.com. Ban- 
tam Interactive, bantamusa.com. Dan- 
ger, danger.com. Hip Gear, hipgear 
products.com. Kass, koss.com. Motoro- 
la, 800-331-6456 or motorola.com. 
Panasonic, 800-211-7262 or panason 
ic.com. Pentax, pentaxusa.com. Sam- 
sung, 800-726-7864 or samsungelec 
tronics.com. Sony, 888-222-soNv. 


KILLER ADDITIVES 

Pages 106-111: Joseph Abboud, 212- 
586-9140. Adidas, adidas.com. Apple, 
apple.com. Aramis, 212-756-4801. Ar- 
rid, arrid.com. Beretta, berettawatch 
es.com. Biotherm Homme, biotherm. 
com. Clarins, clarins.com. Clay, 21 
206-9200. Kenneth Cole, 800-KEN- 


Hugo Boss, 800-HUGO- 
BOSS. Kiehl's, kiehls.com. King of 
Shaves, kingofshaves.com. Kiton, ki 
ton.it. Calvin Klein, 212-292-9000. 
Fred Leighton, 219-288-1872. Nike, 
nike.com. Old Spice, oldspice.com. 
Pratesi, pratesi.com. Sharps, sharps 
usa.com. Suave, suave.com. Tancho, 
joybeauty.com. Terra Plana, terra 
plana.com. Versace, versace.com. 


‘TREND GAME 

Pages 112-113: Giorgio Armani, gior 
gioarmani.com. Kenneth Cole, 800- 
KEN-COLE, Dior Homme, dior.com. 
DKNY, dkny.com. Dolce and Gabbana, 
dolcegabbana.com. Tommy Hilfiger, 
800-TOMMY-CARES. Michael Kors, 212- 
452-4685. Versace, versace.com. 


ON THE SCENE 

Page 155: Pitcher, rod and martini 
glass, Barneys New York, 312-587- 
1700. Calvin Klein, 312-324-7665. 
Wines by Castello Banfi, 800-645-6511 
or banfi.com. Wine tote, from Materi- 
al Possessions, 312-280-4885. Tool set 
and cocktail napkins, available at 
Neiman Marcus, 888-888-4757. Ice 
bucket and tray by Plata Lappas, from 
Saks Fifth Avenue, 888-645-7275. 
Salviati, from Elements, 877-642- 
6574. Shaker, 800-463-7465. Virginia 
Gentleman 90, at liquor stores. 


BY OFSEEE мат COVER, MODELS MENO: STRODEL ANO JENNA MORASCA PHOTCORAPI. 
MICHAEL RANVON. SAMEUP GARETH GREENE AND PAUL PODLUCKY, STYLING DEBEEE May 


149 


PLAYBOY 


150 


where they keep the towels. “We spend 
at least $60,000 a year on towels,” Tim 
On shelves are chemicals such as 
с acid, Unsmoke and 
N-Duz-It to kill germs, and protective 
equipment such as Code Blue gloves, 
Knot-a-Boots and Tyvek suits with hoods 
and masks. They also use respirators, 
like the kind in the movie Outhreak. 
We spend over $300,000 a year just 
on supplies,” Tim says. Aftermath's total 
expenses run around $1 million, The 
company, which Reifsteck and Wilson 
co-own, grosses about $1.75 million an- 
nually and has made both partners rela- 
tively well-off. Chris drives a two-seater 
Mercedes-Benz; Tim drives a Hummer 


The phone rings in my hotel room. 
“We have a shotgun suicide for you in 
Romeoville,” Chris says. “One body.” It's 
a bloody scene, he says, but a fresh one, 
so it won't be too gory. I should have eat- 
en earlier, 1 think. Then I drive to the 
scene, where I will meet the distraught 
mother and angry father before walking 
into the bedroom of their daughter, 
ruined by the suicide of her stalker. 

It's a beautiful late spring day. The 
sun is shining on the neat ranch homes 
that line the street. A young girl is jump- 
ing rope in her front yard and young 
boys are riding their bicycles. A man is 
walking his dog. There is a red-white- 
and-blue GOD BLESS AMERICA sign on a 
fence. A woman is standing in her yard, 
smoking a cigarette, talking on a cell 
phone and staring across the street at 
the white Aftermath van in the driveway 
of her neighbor's home. 


After Kevin and Greg talk to the par- 
ents and make their initial inspection of 
the bedroom, they go back outside. 
Kevin spreads a large blue plastic sheet 
on the front lawn. He puts cardboard 
boxes labeled “hazardous waste” on the 
sheets, then ties orange biohazard crime 
scene tape to one end of the house, and 
around the front lawn. He and Greg go 
into the van to change. They strip down 
to underwear and put on Tyvek suits, 
plastic booties, Code Blue gloves, protec- 
tive eyewear and respirators. 

In their extraterrestrial gear, they step 
out of the van, adrenaline pumping, 
ready for action. The parents have left 
the house, the way the men prefer i 
Greg shuts off the heat in the living 
room, the Tyvek suits are hot. He walks 
down the hallway to the 

“This is a clean scene, ys. “Мо 
smell, no decay. We should clean it up in 
a few hours.” 

Greg kneels on the rug near the large 
puddle of blood and begins cutting a 
large swath with a razor. 

“You have to be careful with rugs,” 
Greg says over his shoulder. “Carpet 
tacks can cut you just like drug needles.” 
Kevin examines the girl's open closet to 
see if any blood has hit her clothes. He 
picks up her phone, sprays a lemon 
cleaner on it and wipes it off. When he 
examines the girl’s bed, he finds blood 
splattered on the sheets and pulls them 
off. He takes the sheets outside and 
drops them into an empty box on the 
blue plastic. 

Greg rolls up the large piece of bloody 
carpet and puts it into a black plastic 
bag. The wood floor underneath is satu- 


“Wow! Business is really jumpin’ since I started letting 
them kiss wherever they want.” 


rated. “We'll have to cut out the floor,” 
he says, “but first I have to sop up the 
blood so it doesn't splatter.” He puts tow- 
els soaked in disinfectant on the bloody 
floorboards and throws them into the 
plastic bag. 

Kevin carts out the mattress, passing 
Greg in the hallway. Greg points down at 
his foot. “Watch your step.” he says. He's 
found a skull fragment. “I've got an eye 
for body parts,” he says to me. “At one 
suicide, the cops told us ће guy had shot 
himself in the room where the body was 
discovered. But 1 found part of his lips 
in another room. I told the cops he shot 
himself once there, and then a second 
time in the room where he died.” Often, 
Aftermath technicians find things the 
police have missed—a knife, bullet cas- 
ings, a gun, even a suicide note. 

Kevin kneels on the floor to inspect 
the girl's CD boxes, which are splattered 
with blood. He takes the discs out of the 
jewel boxes and throws them into a dress- 
er drawer. The boxes are then tossed in- 
to the garbage bag. He stops, pulls the 
girl's hair drier out of the drawer, wipes 
offa tiny spot of blood and puts it back. 

Behind him, Greg says, "You can't 
hurry on this job or you'll miss things.” 
That's why Greg and Kevin always “blue 
light" (use an ultraviolet light to illumi- 
nate any remaining traces of blood) a 
room. "Actually we call it a black light," 
Greg says. 

After working for a few hours, Greg 
and Kevin go outside for a break. They 
discard their booties and gloves. Before 
they reenter the house they will put on 
new ones. 


Before working for Aftermath, Greg 
had a job with the Illinois Department of 
Public Health, disposing of hazardous 
materials. When he read about After- 
math in a newspaper article three years 
ago, he applied for a job and hasn't 
looked back. “I always liked horror mov- 
ies,” he says. 

Kevin liked horror movies, too. He al- 
so raised snakes and fed them live mice. 
His ambition was to become a doctor, but 
at 20 he joined the Army to be a medic. 
He left the service as a sergeant five 
years later and began to work for his 
brother at Aftermath. His first job was a 
two-day “bleed out” (suicide by razor 
blade). “It didn’t bother me,” he says. 
What does bother him are some of the 
people he comes into contact with at 
death scenes. 

“People will walk over their dead 
grandmother to get her Social Security 
check,” he 

“I won't let my wife go into a highway 
rest stop without me,” says Greg, “ever 
since I cleaned up a rest stop where 
some scumbag had beaten a woman to a 
bloody pulp, then raped her. 

(concluded on page 153) 


PLAYMATE 2. NEWS 


[ soncmess stepnawie M [^ 


"There are plenty of Playmates 
turned actresses, but Stephanie 
Adams may be the first Playmate 
turned sorceress. "I've had psy- 
chic powers since 1 was young," 
Stephanie says. “My family loved 
to say that witches weren't always 
ugly old crones—they could be 
beautiful little girls like me. The 
funniest experience was when I 
was about two years old and I en- 
visioned that one of my married 

uncles had a secret girl- 
friend. One 
night I asked 
why he hadn't. = 
brought her | 
over to dinner. 
Turns out he 
did have a girl- 
friend, and his 
wife was not When Donna D'Errico created the body treat- 
amused.” In- | ments at her new California sanctuary, ZenSpa, she 
spired by her : wasinspired by husband Nikki Sixx, bassist for Mot- 
knowledge of | ley Crue. With Dr. Feelgood cranking in her head, 
spirituality, as- : Donna thought up the Classical Rock Massage, a 
trology and the : treatment in which rock and roll replaces the usual 


occult, Stephanie 
has written four 
books—under the 
pen name Sorcer- 
ess—and created 
Goddessy.com, a 
website that offers tarot card 
readings, astrological charts, 
books and jewelry. “The books 
are fun and somewhat shock- 
ing," she says. "I've always en- 
joyed being controversial." 


: time to music." 


Enya relaxation music. Since the spa opened last De- 
| cember, people have а 


flown in from all over 
the country to get 
their bodies rocked. 
“Massage is an aphro- 
disiac," Donna says. 
"Guys dig this treat- 
ment because all they 
feel are hands beating 
on their muscles in 


25 YEARS AGO THIS MONTH 


“My turn-ons 
are sex in un- 
usual places 
and boy watch- 
ing,” wrote 19- 
year-old Vicki 
Witt on her 
August 1978 
Data Sheet. 
Vicki also ad- 
mitted that her 
secret dream 
was to be ship- 
wrecked with 
Lee (Six Mil- 
lion Dollar Man) 
Majors. Years 
later, Vicki mar- Vicki Witt 
ried a nonceleb and had 
three kids. As for Majors? He 
got hitched to 1985 Playmate 
of the Year Karen Velez. 


LOOSE 


"When I broke up with 
my last boyfriend, 1 wrote 
him what I thought was a 
really nice letter. Turns out 
he didn't like that at all." 
—Shanna Moakler 


“We hang out at home 

most nights. I'm looking 

having a lot of 

kids." —Alicia Rickter, on life 
with boyfriend Mike Piazza 


When you're a six-foot Swedish sex bomb nomed 
Victoria Silvstedt, you need an assistant just to sort 
through your VIP invites. Left to right: At the é 
Movieguide Awards Gala; at Nobu in New York City; 

with model friends {including Carmen Electra and 
Playmate Tina Jordan) at the launch of Excitenight; 
working it at the Biker Boyz premiere in Los Angeles. 


HOT SHOT 


PAM ANDERSON 


Q: Have you ever faked an orgasm? 
If so, was it Oscar worthy? 

A: Yes! What woman hasn't? Each 
of my performances 
outdoes the last. 

Q: What's your 
take on sex toys? 

A: They're very 
helpful. That is 
what I call higher 
education. 

Q: What music 
turns you on? 

A: I get weak in the knees 
for any Hank Williams tune. I'm a 
sucker for country boys. 

Q: If your life were made into a 
movie, who would play you? 

A: I would love for it to be Reese 
Witherspoon. It's a blonde thing. 

Q: Who is sexier—Jay Leno or 
David Letterman? 

A: Leno. It's all about the big chin. 


In Peok Experience, An- 
gel Boris and her ca- 
stors face a deodly 
avalanche. Will they (A) 
expire, (B) learn the 
benefits of body heat or 
(C) pull an Alive and go 
cannibal? Check it out 
оп video now. 


MY FAVORITE PLAYMATE 
By Dennis Haysbert 


“1 like the ones who 
look the most natural, 
because I'm not a big 
fan of aug- 
mented 
bodies. 
Lreally 

like Ola Ray and 

Dorothy Stratten. 

Poor Dorothy. I 

still think about 

what happened 

to her. And 

Ola—what an 

absolutely 

stunning 

woman.” 


August 1: Miss September 1961 
Christa Speck 
August 5: Miss December 1964 


August 9: Miss September 1997 
Nikki Schieler Ziering 
August 18: Miss July 1997 
Daphnee Lynn Duplaix 
August 26: Miss June 1980 
Ola Ray 


In 1965, when Second 
Lieutenant John Price— 
then serving in Viet 
nam—baught о lifetime 

PUB subscription, he remind 
ed Hef of his promise that а Playmate would deliver every lifetime subscriber's first is 
sue. Ever the crowd pleaser, Hef sent Jo Collins lo Bien Hoa—and Operation Playmate 


152 “oS bom. Mare recently, on army of our girls gathered in LA to continue the tradition, 


PLAYMATE GOSSIP 


Pamela Anderson wears many 
different hats—mother of two, 
Sunday school teacher, columnist 
for Jane magazine, Kid Rock's 
^ better half—but when she 


co-hosted Country Music 


Television's Flamewor- 
% thy awards, the network 


made sure she didn’t 

don one in particular. 

According to a CMT in- 
sider, Pam wanted to wear ahuge 
hat that was half American flag 
and half Confederate flag, but 
the network quashed the con- 
troversial fashion statement 
Reportedly, 
they asked 
Pamela, “Do 
you know 


what that 
flag stands 
for?" Either 


way, we say 
it’s better 
than one of 
Kid Rock's 
scuzzed-out 


Deanna 
fedoras... . Brooke: 
For his re- | phate finish. 
nowned se- 
ries America, ™— 


photographer Andres Serrano 
asked Snoop Dogg, Chloe Se- 
vigny and Deanna Brooks (pic- 
tured above), among others, to 
pose. The exhibit ran in London 
and Los Angeles galleries. . . . 
Nicole Narain, who has ap- 
peared in music videos for Ja 
Rule, LL Cool J and Bobby 
Brown, drew a crowd of thou- 
sands when she signed copies 
of Playboy's Hip-Hop and Rock 
DVD at the FYE store in New 
York City. . . . Michele Rogers 
talks dirty as a field reporter on 
the racy Playboy 
TV show Sexcet- 
era. . . . Nicole 
Wood provided 
makeovers at her 
boutique and day 
spa on the TLC 
TV show A Make- 
over Story. . . . OPI 
nail polish called 
on Cara Wakelin 
(pictured), Lau- 
ren Michelle Hill, 
Shauna Sand and 
the Dahm triplets 
to appear in a 
marketing video 
for their British 
collection. Bloody 


brilliant! 
ОР! nails Cara 


ИБ 


Wakelin. 


CSC 
(continued from page 150) 


"You become suspicious," says Kevin. 
“Most people never see what we see, like 
a guy who's excited he found $2000 in 
his grandma's room, where she's bleed- 
ing out on the floor, or two guys fighting 
over a dead relative's TV.” 

“Even some of the families we clean up 
for are unpleasant to us,” says Greg. 
“There's no tipping in our job. It’s not 
like delivering pizzas. We take away 
loved ones, and sometimes people want 
to lash out. I once found a clean skull 
fragment from an 18-year-old boy, and 
when his mother saw that it had her 
son's hair on it, she wanted to keep it. 
She went nuts on me.” 

When we go back into the home, I ask 
Greg and Kevin if this is one of their bet- 
ter scenes. Greg says, “There's no such 
thing as a good death.” As proof, he goes 
to the van and returns with photographs 
of bodies he has cleaned up: a man 
whose arm was caught in a printing 
press and whose entire body was then 
sucked into the machine; another man 
who had been dead a week and whose 
skin had turned black; a man lying in the 
road whose head had been crushed by a 
truck. “People were just driving around 
him,” Greg says. Then he describes the 
most difficult scene he has cleaned: a 
man who had fallen 46 floors down an 
elevator shaft. 

“I had to clean up body parts and 
blood on every floor in the shaft,” he 
says. “I rappelled down the shaft, picked 
up parts on each floor and handed them 
to my workers, The guy's arms weighed 
as much as a dog. It took us six days to 
complete the job.” 

Greg and Kevin finish the cleanup 
around midnight. The last thing they do 
is run a fogger to remove any lingering 
odor in the room. Then they talk to the 
girl's parents, who have returned home. 
The mother is still upset. Greg trics to 
reassure her. “This is a happy ending,” 
he says. “That guy won't harass your 
daughter anymore.” 


“The following morning I'm back at 
the Aftermath office. Cassandra is ma 
ing calls. Chris is on his cell phone. Tim 
is sitting beside me at a card table piled 
high with Aftermath brochures. 

“So, how did you like your first sui- 
cide?” he asks with an impish grin. 

“Not as bad as I expected," I say. "I 
went out to dinner afterward.” 

“Really?” Tim reaches down and brush- 
es something off my shoe. 

“Just a maggot.” 

i shake my foot quickly. 

He grins. “Just kidding.” 

Chris gets off his cell phone. “You 
didn’t throw up?” he asks me. I shake 


my head. Chris looks crestfallen. Then 
he brightens, “Your photographer al- 
most did.” It seems to make him feel bet- 
ter. Despite their protestations, they all 
feel a certain macho pride in their ability 
to do a job most people can't stomach. It 
requires a special temperament, like that 
of soldiers in battle who devise various 
mind-sets to get through the horrors 
they must face. Chris jokes about the 
things he sees. Tim is coolly detached 
from them. Kevin focuses on the me- 
chanics of “tidying up.” Greg reduces his 
job to a contest, like a puzzle, finding the 
clues that others miss. 

What these guys have in common is 
the tendency to see in life's cruelties the 
natural order of man. They don't see 
the murder and suicide and inhuman- 
ity through a moral prism. That would 
be psychologically debilitating. Instead, 
they see the scenes of destruction as the 
facts of man's existence. Kevin once said, 
“We human beings like to separate our- 
selves from animals, but we're just like 


them—only they're better.” 

“Someone has to do it,” Tim says of 
the job. He adds that this is not exactly 
the kind of career he aspired to when he 
was eight years old. But it’s a job he has 
the perfect temperament for. “I'm able 
to separate myself from my work and my 
life. Some people say we're sick, but they 
don't see what we do for families. I'm 
very happy in my job. I'll retire doing 
this and pass it on to my kids—if they 
want to do it.” [ ask him what he has 
learned over the years. He says, "If a 
person wants to kill himself, you can't 
stop him.” 

“Exactly,” says Chris, "Suicide is such a 
selfish act. Most suicides are attempts to 
get back at someone.” 

Before I leave, I ask Chris one more 
question: “Arc you religious?” He smiles, 
then shrugs. I look at Tim. 

“No,” he says. “This job makes you not 
believe in much.” 


“Forbidden? Now, a slice of chocolate-covered cheesecake that'd go 
right to my hips, that would be forbidden.” 


153 


a hotter side 
of Playboy 


club 


cyber.playboy.com/join/0303 


the scene 


WHAT'S HAPPENING, WHERE IT'S HAPPENING AND WHO'S MAKING IT HAPPEN 


THE BAR IS OPEN 


alí the fun of playing host is getting to show off all the cool another round or two. Your bar's glassware should be crystal un- 
drink paraphernalia you've collected. A cocktail shaker less your friends like to cap the evening Russian-style by flinging 
shaped like a lighthouse? Why not? It's a handmade repro- their glasses into the fireplace. Stir, shake, sip and keep plenty of 
duction of one that was being shaken back in the Twenties. the good stuff on hand. (Virginia Gentleman 90, below, is definite- 
Talk about getting lit! The exterior is polished chrome over solid ly “the good stuff.) Cheap liquor and elegant accessories definitely 
brass, and the interior is silver-plated. Celebrate that by having don't mix. We'll drink to that DAVID STEVENS 


Left: A chrome-plated copy of a 
Twenties lighthouse cocktail shak- 
er ($200). Below: Four-bottle wick- 
er wine tote holds 1999 Summus 
($63) and Excelsus ($73) mixed va- 
rietal vinos by Castello Banfi. Next 
to it is a wine tool set that includes 
a corkscrew, bottle stoppers and a 
bottle opener (not shown) by Di- 
ade ($75), a Calvin Klein-designed 
| wineglass ($45) and a “Bottom’s 
Up" linen cocktail napkin ($14). 


Right: Of course, you know that Vir- 
ginia Gentleman 90 is 90 proof. 
What the trade experts know—and 
now you do too—is that it won Dou- 
ble Gold: Best American Whiskey 
at the recent San Francisco World 
Spirits Competition (about $20). 
Drink a toast to the Old Dominion 
with VG sipped neat from Italian- 
designed crystal shot glasses with 
assorted colored bands by Salviati 
($125 for a set of six). 


МҮШ, 
ШШ 
Hi y 


you stirred it in this etched bamboo-design martini 
pitcher with frosted mixing rod ($150). The match- 
ing handblown etched bamboo martini glass is $48. 
The silver-plated cocktail tray with cane handles 
($340) and the matching ice bucket (5130), both 
by Plata Lappas, also hint of the tropics. 155 


JAMES IMBROGNO WHERE AND HOW TO BUY ON PAGE 130 


Ша орехіпе 


Heaton Heats Up 


Everybody Loves Raymond Emmy winner PATRICIA HEATON lets the 
paparazzi check out her see-through action while plugging her book, 


Heather 
Hangs Ten 
Surf's up for HEATHER 
MILTER, who leaves her 
board to model for 
Bench Warmer trading 
cards, beach segments 
оп Е Wild On and Max- 
Bikini (MXB) magazine. 
We approve. 


Motherhood and Hollywood, and gearing up for The Goodbye Girl on TNT. 


No Gray Area 
MACY GRAY is acting, si 


ging, doing car 


commercials and touring behind her lat- 


est CD, The Trouble With Being Myself. 


Got a problem with that? 


O.A.R. (Of a Revolotion) signed a moltidisc deal with Lava and the group’s first release on the 
label, In Between Now and Then, came out in the spring. They proved that selling out midsize 
venues with screaming fans who loved the early self-produced CDs wasn't a fluke. 


Grins and 
Bares lt 
Model and host 
of Dog Eat Dog 
BROOKE 
BURNS gives 
CRAIG KILBORN 
her March 
Madness pick. 


The Longhorns 
; 


lost—but 
xoa 
we won. = 


Wet and Wild 


Beauty JANA COVA modeled in Europe before winning first 
place in hotbody.com's Naughty Nurses Contest video. She 
makes our temperature rise several degrees. f 


A Step Up 
Model TOMIKO relaxes in satin and 
we're right there applauding. Look for 
her in Mercedes-Benz and UPS print ads 
and as a spokesperson for 
Crown Royal. We'll 
drink to that. 


ROCK AND RECYCLE 


Don Ho and Kajagoogoo are OK, but 
FRENCH we hope Vinylux isn't making wall clocks 
SUN-KISSED and drink coasters from vintage Sinatra 
and Stones LPs. Actually, all the wax they 
The French may be convert is past its playing prime but has 
lousy at taking up an original label intact. As far as we're 
arms against musta- concerned, that old Milli Vanilli record 
chioed dictators, but should feel honored to protect our furni- 
they do know a thing ture from unsightly rings. Price: $36 for a 
or two about lolling in clock and $20 per set of six mixed coast- 
the sun and looking ers. Order from Uncommongoods.com 
good. Caudalfe's or call 888-365-0056. 
Vinosun Anti-Aging 
Suncare lotion is 


partially derived 
a sas 
М 9 else?—grape 
E seed. It's pri- 
marily designed 
for the face, but 
our model 
wants other 
parts of herself not 
to grow old. Price: 
$45 for SPF 15, $55 
for SPF 25. Call 866- 
826-1615 to order. 
Baguettes and cheese 
sold separately. 


DOGG'S IN HOT WATER 


Some guys have all the luck. Not only 
does Snoop Dogg get paid to hang 
around hot tubs shooting Doggy videos, 
but celebriducks.com has created a rub- 
ber ducky of him, too (below). It's $12. 
Or soak with the four Osbournes for $50. 
Major league baseball, NBA, NHL and 
college mascot ducl are also available, 
along with Nascar drivers, historical fig- 
ures (bathe with Beethoven) and even the 
Three Stooges. Phone: 877-232-5388. 


MIN 
ARCOBALI 


PASTA THE NOODLES, BIG TONY 


Bet the Sopranos don't dine on watery pasta when they sit down to 
decide which weasel to whack next. Flying Noodle pasta club is more 
their style. Each month flyingnoodle.com ships subscribers two gour- 
met pastas and pasta sauces, plus a slew of recipes. “That's enough for 
eight to 10 servings,” says Raymond Lemire, the Big Parmesan of the 
club. One month costs $27.50. That won't last long. We recommend 
you join the six-month club for $165. A year costs $330. Mama mia, 
158 thats a lot of pasta. Orders are also taken at 800-566-0599. 


RED-HOT POKER 


When can you screw your neighbor, spit in the 
ocean and try twin beds all in one evening? 
Poker night, of course, but that’s only if you 
can find the cards and chips—and remember 
how to play all those gami 
knackpacks.com deals a winning hand. Its 
poker kit contains a deck of cards, 200 poker 
chips and a handbook of rules to more than 50 
games, along with information on poker strate- 
gy, etiquette, etc. Price: $24.95. Your bet, pal 


CHAMPAGNE GOES 
TO WAIST 


We've had many a belt of 
champagne but, until now, 
never had a champagne belt. 
Moët & Chandon's new Mini 
Moét Belt, created to cele- 
brate this year's America's 
Cup yacht race, has two 
things going for it—the con- 
traption holds four minibot- 
tles of White Star bubbly, and 
your girlfriend will want to 
wear it. Now champagne can 
tickle your nose two ways. A 
four-pack of Moét Minis is 
about $40 in liquor stores. 
The Mini Belt is $45. Go 


to vivre.com to order 


Screw Your Neighbor 


CEL BLOCK 


Got $40,000 burning a hole in the pocket of 
your designer jeans? Spend it оп а BMW or 
this original production cel of the evil queen 
from Disney's Snow White and the Seven Duarfs 
The queen just might be a better investment. 


BUGS AT THE BEACH 


Wouldn't you know that Ralph Lauren owns this 1938 Bugatti 
‘Type 575С Atlantic? It's worth only a couple of mil. About 50 


classic Bugattis (plus many other makes) will be on display at the Great American Ink (open by appointment) at 
53rd Pebble Beach Concours d'Elegance this August 17 at the 11 an Vicente Boulevard in Los Angeles 
Lodge at Pebble Beach. Tire kickers will be shot on sight. Tickets, is considered the world's premiere gallery for 


which are $100 each, 
877-693-0009 or go to pebblebeachconcours.net. 


n be purchased only in advance. Call vintage animation art. Call 800- 
schedule an appointment or obi 


-BUGS to 
a catalog. 


ONE BOURBON, ONE VODKA, 
ONE LIQUEUR 


Our title doesn't roll off the 
tongue the way John Lee Hook- 
er's classic One Bourbon, One 
Scotch, One Beer does, but these 
new liquors go down smoothly. 
Old Forester's 95 proof Birthday 
Bourbon will be produced annu- 
ally in a limited volume. Price: 
$35. Shakers vodka, made from 
Minnesota wheat, is distilled six 
times. Price: $35. Bet you 
don’t throw away that 
cocktail-shaker bottle. 
Velvet Falernum, a lime 
liqueur from Barbados, is 
the perfect ingredient for 
rum drinks. Price: $13. 


Шех! Month 


TUBA CITY: ON THE MOUND 


O VICTORIA! PAY DIRT: THE NFL PREVIEW 


THE RAINBOW FARM MASSACRE—IN SEPTEMBER 2001, 
TWO GAY MARIJUANA ADVOCATES WERE SHOT TO DEATH 
AFTER A STANDOFF WITH POLICE, VICTIMS OF A VIOLENT 
GOVERNMENT WITCH-HUNT. THE TRUE STORY OF AN AMERI- 
CAN DREAM TURNED NIGHTMARE. BY DEAN KUIPERS 


JON GRUDEN—THE TAMPA BAY BUCS COACH ON WINNING 
THE SUPER BOWL, HOW FREE AGENCY HAS ALTERED THE 
NFL, HIS INSANE INTENSITY, HIS RIVALRY WITH AL DAVIS AND 
THE RAIDERS AND WHICH COLLEGE FIGHT SONG GOES BEST 
WITH SEX. AN ALL-OUT PLAYBOY INTERVIEW. BY KEVIN COOK 


NFL PREVIEW 2003 —OUR ANNUAL GRIDIRON GUIDE TO THE 
LONG SHOTS, UPSETS AND SURE THINGS, INCLUDING CHATS 
WITH THE HARDEST-HITTING PLAYERS AND WHY FOOTBALL 
REMAINS EARTH'S GREATEST SPORT. BY ALLEN ST. JOHN 


THE OUTBREAK FROM GROUND ZERO—A CHANCE MEET- 
ING BETWEEN A SICK CHINESE DOCTOR AND А HANDFUL OF 
INTERNATIONAL TRAVELERS, ALL WAITING FOR THE SAME 
HONG KONG ELEVATOR, MIGHT WELL HAVE BEEN THE BEGIN- 
NING OF THE SARS EPIDEMIC. A MONTH LATER, HONG KONG 
WAS THE CENTER OF THE DISEASE, WITH NO TOURISTS AND 
AN ENTIRE HOSPITAL DEVOTED TO VICTIMS. A REPORT FROM 
THE STREETS. BY MICHAEL PARRISH 


SPRUCE YOUR GOOSE 


LOOKING FOR LOVE IN ALL THE STRANGE PLACES—WHO 
SAYS YOU CAN'T PICK UP GIRLS AT AA MEETINGS, GYNECOL- 
OGISTS' OFFICES, PORN MOVIE SETS, SCIENTOLOGY GATH- 
ERINGS AND FUNERALS? CERTAINLY NOT OUR SHAMELESS 
WRITER COREY LEVITAN, WHO TRIES HIS LUCK AT ALL OF 
THE ABOVE. DOES HE SCORE? STAY TUNED 


TUBA CITY—THE KID WAS A FORMIDABLE SOUTHPAW: 
LARGE, LUMBERING AND OVERWEIGHT. HIS NICKNAME WAS 
SHOE. ONE DAY HE SHOWED A SCOUT SOMETHING NO ONE 
HAD EVER SEEN IN BASEBALL—HE TURNED THE GAME UP- 
SIDE DOWN AND INSIDE OUT. FICTION BY JOSEPH KIERLAND 


HOWARD HUGHES STYLE —FASHION HAS RETURNED TO THE 
GLAM DAYS OF WEST COAST ELEGANCE AND SWEET-AS-PIE 
STARLETS. ACTOR MATTHEW SETTLE PLAYS THE AVIATOR, 
STUDIO OWNER AND ALL-AROUND STUD AT AN OLD AIRSTRIP 
WITH GORGEOUS HONEYS STANDING IN FOR AVA GARDNER 
AND JEAN HARLOW 


PLUS: THROW CAUTION AND SCBRIETY TO THE WIND WITH 
DAREDEVIL COCKTAILS, WHAT IT'S LIKE TO HAVE SEX WITH 
PLAYMATE SHANNA MOAKLER (IN HER OWN WORDS), HOW 
STEROIDS AND OTHER DRUGS AFFECT YOUR LIBIDO, AND 
MISS SEPTEMBER, LUCI VICTORIA 


Playboy (ISSN 0032-1478), August 2008, volume 50, number 8. Published monthly by Playboy in national and regional cditions, Playboy, 680 
North Lake Shore Drive, Chicago, Illinois 60611. Periodicals postage paid at Chicago, Illinois and at additional mailing offices. Canada Post Cana- 
dian Publications Mail Sales Product Agreement No. 40035534. Subscriptions: in the U.S., $29.97 for 12 issues. Postmaster: Send address change to 

180 Playboy, PO. Box 2007, Harlan, lowa 51537-4007. For subscription-related questions, e-mail circ@ny.playboy.com. Editorial: edit@playboy.com.