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T's BETTER IN THE DARK. 
| -KENNETH Cote 


BLACK -KENNETH COLE, THE FRAGRANCE FOR НІМ. 


Whether he's addressing violence in 
Natural Born Killers, presidential con- 
spiracies in JFK or the Vietnam war in 
Platoon, Oliver Stone makes powerful 
movies that receive as much scathing 
Criticism as they do critical acclaim. 
Contributing Editor David Sheff traded 
viewpoints with the controversial direc- 
tor for this month's Playboy Interview. 
"| expected he'd be shrill and a bit 
nuts," Sheff reports, "Instead he was 
thoughtful and gracious—and a little 
crazy, but in a way | could genuinely 
relate to. His detractors often try to inti- 
mate that he's paranoid, that he fits a 
stereotype. But that's just not true." 
Stone's opinions are as varied as his 
films. "It was a challenge to keep him 
on any one topic, but that's one of his. 
charms. His passion takes him in com- 
pletely unexpected directions." 


This month's fiction, St. Mark's Day, is 
by Rod Liddle, one of Britain's up- 
and-coming men of letters. In it, Liddle 
adopts the perspective of a fly. "My 
apologies to any American readers 
unfamiliar with some of the creatures 
involved," he says. "St. Mark's flies are 
funny. They have big undercarriages 
royally cumbersome but rather pretty. 
And | built an idea of how they might 
behave were they semi-human." 


“I've never been so curious to hear the 
reaction to anything I've written as | 
am about this," Toni Bentley says 
about Taboo Sex, an excerpt from her 
memoir, The Surrender (Regan Books). 
The taboo? "I wasn't against anal sex 
before | tried it, but it wasn't like, "Оһ, | 
have to do that.’ Then I had a powerful 
sexual experience, and that led to an 
incredible urge to record and under- 
stand my erotic journey." 


Dade Orgeron created the futuristic 
art that appears with The Identity 
Addict, a profile of a prolific thief able 
to pass himself off—electronically, at 
least—as various celebrities in order 
to access their fat bank accounts. 
"The identities were being stolen by 
electronic means," Orgeron explains. 
“But | wanted my piece to express 
that in terms of cybernetic modifica- 
tion to a human being." 


"It's strange to come back out of that 
environment," says reporter Nicolas 
Pelham about Iraq. He explores a 
unique aspect of that country for 
PLAYBOY in Baghdad After Hours. Pel- 
ham is a foreign correspondent 
whose work has appeared in The 
Economist, the Financial Times and 
The Guardian. Here he gives an insid- 
er's view of nightlife in a war zone. "If 
| hear a car backfire, | think it's a mor- 
tar round," he says. "The whole pres- 
ence of Iraq stays with me for a long 
time whenever | leave." In Pelham's 
mind, those memories will plague 
people in the region for a long time: 
“It's going to get worse. People are 
still worried—traqi friends | had there 
were worried about being seen with 
me. They've gotten out of the frying 
pan only to get into the fire.” 


PLAYBO 


vol. 51, no. 11—november 2004 


contents] 


features 


72 


94 


127 


BAGHDAD AFTER HOURS 

By day in Iraq, soldiers battle insurgents, contractors dodge kidnappers and jour- 
nalists rush to the sites of car bombs. But after sunset they let loose in an entirely 
different world. Here's our report on Iraq at night. BY NICOLAS PELHAM. 


DREAM BOATS 
We sailed the seas to find the world’s finest yachts. Don't want the headache of a $50 million 
‚float? No problem—you can lease these luxury cruisers by the week. Here's picturing you ата 
your party posse bobbing in an oceangoing Jacuzzi. BY JASON HARPER 


HOLY WAR 

George W. Bush gave up drinking for Jesus. Fair enough. Other implications of W's 
faith aren't so innocuous: He blocks federal funding to groups that support abortion, 
opposes research that could save lives and sees violence in the Levant as part of God's 
master plan. When will America realize that homegrown religious zealotry is 
threatening our country? BY ARTHUR SCHLESINGER JR. 


THE IDENTITY ADDICT 

From September 2000 to March 2001, a high school dropout stole the identities of 
more than 200 people on the Forbes 400 list and pocketed $260 million before a simple 
mistake landed him in prison. He agreed to sit down with our reporter and reveal a 
fraud system that he says is simple enough fora 12-year-old to master. All it takes is gloves, 
a cell phone, the ability to schmooze bank officials and a color printer. BY MARK BOAL 


20Q JOHN CARMACK 

The Doom video game franchise has earned more than $200 million. We sat down 
with its eccentric creator and talked about his quest to fire into space the first 
nongovernment-sponsored craft, the best video games ever, his ability to count cards 
and the secret to working 80 hours a week. BY JASON BUHRMESTER 


CENTERFOLDS ON SEX: DIVINI RAE 
This sexual acrobat treads the fine line between rough and gentle sex. 


TABOO SEX 

The former ballerina is quite a sensation in bed, but not just because of years of 
pelvic exercises, pirouettes and stretches at the barre. In this erotic essay, she traces 
her love affair with taking it in through the out door, from her first experience to the 
transcendent encounters that enabled her to find God. BY TONI BENTLEY 


fiction 


84 


ST. MARK'S DAY 
At Flyworld® bugs fornicate and frolic. But even flies suffer from midlife crises, and 
the head of one dipterous family doesn't want to join the fun. BY ROD LIDDLE 


interview 


63 


OLIVER STONE 

The controversial director is the ruler of biopics about such leaders as JFK, Nixon, 
Castro and, for his new film, Alexander the Great. In a cigar-smoking Playboy 
Interview, Stone gets out from behind the camera to document his own positions. 
Learn whether he'll make a movie about Bush, what Platoon would be like if set in 
Trag and whether his dad really hired a hooher to devirginize him. BY DAVID SHEFF 


cover story 


Since Brooke Burke posed in our Moy 2001 
issue—ot the height of popularity of TV's Wild 
On, the show that beomed her from the 
world's beoches into our heorts—we hoven't 
stopped doydreoming obout her chorm and 
beauty. So we sent Senior Contributing Photog- 
ropher Stephen Woydo to frock her down ond 
prove she’s still wild. Our Robbit blushes. 


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| contents continued | continued 


vol. air no. 11 —november 2004 


pictorials 


78 


AMERICAN BEAUTY 

It's legal to gawk at these beautiful 
pictures of Miss United States 
Teen—she's all grown up. 
PLAYMATE: CARA ZAVALETA 
She was the queen of Road Rules: 
South Pacific. The only rules on 
our pages? No clothes. 


BROOKE BURKE 
In her welcome return, a 
different exotic location, same 
flawless body. 


notes and news 


171 


MANSION FIREWORKS 
AND FISTICUFFS 

Lovers and fighters joined Hef 
for the Fourth of July and Fight 
Night, Among the stars in the ring 
were Mia St. John, Matthew Perry 
and Andy Roddick. 


THE PLAYBOY FORUM 

The great oil wars will make Iraq 
look like Grenada; a lawyer 
explains how to avoid getting 
busted for having sex outdoors. 


PLAYMATE NEWS 
Brande Roderick gets behind the 
camera; Playmates star on 
Entourage; Julian McMahon's 
favorite Playmate. 


departments 


PLAYBILL 

DEAR PLAYBOY 
AFTER HOURS 
MANTRACK 


51 

110 
147 
175 
176 
178 


THE PLAYBOY ADVISOR 
PARTY JOKES 

WHERE AND HOW TO BUY 
ON THE SCENE 
GRAPEVINE 

POTPOURRI 


foshion 


TWEEDS 

Once the fabric of the upper crust, 
these rich шоо are finally ready to 
Join the party. BY JOSEPH DE ACETIS 


reviews 


31 


32 


34 


E 


MOVIES 
Liam Neeson plays Dr. Sex; Jamie 


Foxx is a Ray of sunshine. 


DVDS 

Lock the first three seasons of 
Seinfeld in the vault; study Ingmar 
Bergman's best film; find Angelina 
Jolie's famous bod unveiled. 
MUSIC 

Mos Def returns to the lyrical 
fray; Fatboy Slim drops beach- 
rockin’ beats; Nick Cave harks 
bach to past greatness. 


GAMES 
DOA Ultimate is very much alive; 
FIFA Soccer 2005 scores big. 


BOOKS 

Philip Roth imagines a fascist 
America; a history of hip; 
portraits of porn stars— 

wilh their clothes on. 


GENERAL OFFICES: PLAYBOY, вро NORTH LAKE SHORE DRIVE, CHICAGO, ILLINOIS 00011. PLAYBOY ASSUNES NO RESPONSIBLITY то 


PRINTED IN U.S.A. 


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(include source Code 11523) 


A44 $350 shipping and handing charge per eal order ioc 
residents add 8.75% sales tax. (Canadian orders accepted) 


PLAYBOY 


HUGH M. HEFNER 
editor-in-chief 


CHRISTOPHER NAPOLITANO. 
editorial director 


TOM STAEBLER art director 
GARY COLE photography director 


LEOPOLD FROEHLICH, STEPHEN RANDALI. 
executive editors 


LISA CINDOLO GRACE managing editor 
ROBERT LOVE editor al large 


EDITORIAL 
FEATURES; AJ.BAIME articles editor FORUM: crite ROWE senior editor; PATTY LAMBERTI assistant editor 
MODERN LIVING: SCOTT ALEXANDER senior editor STAFF: ALISON PRATO senior associate editor; 
ROBERT В. DESALVO, TIMOTHY МОНА, JOSH ROBERTSON assistant editors; HEATHER HAEBE, САЯС 
EMILY LITTLE, KENNY LULL edilorial assistants CARTOONS: MICHELLE URRY editor COPY: WINIFRED 
ORMOND copy chief; STEVE GORDON associate сору chief: CAMILLE CAL senior copy editor; ROBIN AIGNER, 
ANTOINE DOZOIS, AUTUMN MADRANO copy editors RESEARCI 


KUBALEK, 


1D COHEN research director; BRENDAN BARR 
Senior researcher; DAVID PFISTER associate senior researcher: RON MOTTA, DARON MURPHY, MATTHEW SHEPATIN 
researchers; MARK DURAN research librarian EDITORIAL PRODUCTION: JENNIFER JARONECZYK 
HAWTHORNE assistant managing editor; BONNIE SHELDEN manager; VALERY SOROKIN associate READER 
SERVICE: MIKE OSTROWSKI correspondent CONTRIBUTING EDITORS: MARK BOAL (WRITER AT LARGE), 
KEVIN BUCKLEY, JOSEPH DE ACETIS (FASHION), GRETCHEN EDGREN, LAWRENCE GROBEL, KEN GROSS, WARREN 
KALBACKER, JAMES KAMINSKY, ARTHUR KRETCHMER, JOE MORGENSTERN, JAMES R PETERSEN, DAVID RENSIN. 


DAVID SHEFF, JOHN D. THOMAS, ALICE K. TURNER 


EIDI PARKER west coast editor 


ART 
SCOTT ANDERSON, BRUCE HANSEN, CHET SUSKI, LEN WILLIS, ROB WILSON Senior art directors; 
PAUL CHAN senior art assistant; JOANNA METZGER art assistant; 
CORTEZ WELLS art Services coordinator; MALINA LEE senior art administrator 


PHOTOGRAPHY 
MARILYN GRABOWSKI west coast editor; JIM LARSON managing editor; PATTY BEAUDET-FRANCES, 
KEVIN KUSTER, STEPHANIE MORRIS Senior edilors; RENAY LARSON assistant editor, 

ARNY FREVTAG, STEPHEN WAYDA senior contributing pholographers; GEORGE GEORGIOU staff 
photographer; RICHARD 120, MIZUNO, BYRON NEWMAN, GEN NISHINO, DAVID RANS contributing 
photographers; BILL wHITe studio manager—los angeles; BONNIE JEAN KENNY 
manager, photo library; KEVIN CRAIG manager, photo lab; MATT STEIGBIGEL photo 
researcher; PENNY EKKERT. MELISSA ELIAS production coordinators 


DIANE SILBERSTEIN publisher 


managers DETROIT: DAN COLEMAN detroit manager SAN FRAN 


iG 
JEFF KIMMEL advertising director; RON STERN new york manager; маме FIRNENO advertising operations 
director; KARA saxisky advertising coordinator NEW YORK: HELEN BIANGULLI direct response advertising 
director; TATIANA VERENICIN fashion manager; LARRY MENKES Senior account execulive; SHERI WARNKE 
southeast manager; TONY SARDINAS; TRACY WISE account execulives CHICAGO: Jot HOFFER midwest sales 
manager; WADE BAXTER senior account executive LOS ANGELES: PETE AUERBACH, COREY SPIEGEL west coast 


ISCO: ED MEAGHER northwest manager 


MARKETING 
LISA NATALE associate publisher/marketing; SUE сов event marketing director; junia LIGHT marketing 
Services director; CHRISTOPHER SHOOLIS research director; DONNA TAVOSO creative services director 


PRODUCTION 
ору JURGETO production manager: CINDY PONTARELLI, DEBBIE TILLOU 
associale managers; JOE CANE, CHAR KROWCZYK assistant managers; 


MARIA MANDIS director; 


BILL BENWAY, SIMMIE WILLIAMS prepress. 


CIRCULATION 


LARRY A. DJERF newsstand sales director; HYLLIS ROTUNNO subscription circulation director 


ADMINISTRATIVE 
MARCIA TERRONES rights & permissions director 


PLAYBOY ENTERPRISES INTERNATIONAL, INC. 
CHRISTIE HEENER chairman, chief executive officer 
JAMES P RADIKE senior vice president and general manager 


WHERE TALL TALES MEET 
HIGH TECHNOLOGY. 
INTRODUCING JVC's HD-ILA TV 


Jerry Bruckheimer 
Producer 


Cort o. Course for extreme brightness and high 
resolution with JVC's HD-ILA TV, powered by 3-Chip D-ILA. 
Featuring amazing picture quality and incredible sound, JVC's 
D-ILA (Direct Drive Image Light Amplifier) TV is designed to 
change the way you experience television. If you've been on 
a treasure hunt seeking both style and state-of-the-art in one 
cool, thin package, look no further — your search is over. But 
beware: with JVC's HD-ILA TV you just might actually feel as 
though there are pirates in your living room. 


The Perfect Experience — 


CREATE IT — RECORDIT__ VIEWIT — ENJOY IT __ www.jve.com 


DON BERNIE 


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WORLD PLAYBOY 


HEF SIGHTINGS, MANSION FROLICS AND NIGHTLIFE NOTES 


MANSION JET-SETTERS 
The Rabbit Head icon is flying 
high, thanks to an extraordi- 
nary group of Navy jet fight- 
ers, the VX-9 Vampires (left). 
The pilots presented Hef with 
a photo of the fighter planes in 
action (below). "We believe 
the Bunny signifies our rich 
tradition of excellence in F-14 
fighter tests," they say. \ 
да ا‎ 
IDOL WORSHIP 
What do Ryan Seacrest and Hef 
have in common? One hosts 
` American Idol, and the other is 
> ап American idol. Hef chatted it 
THAT'S ALL HE WROTE s up on Seacrest's show, On-Air 
"The most important room of the house 2 (above); with girlfriends Kendra, 
has always been the bedroom," says Hef c — Bridget and Holly (below). 
in his Little Black Book. At Barnes & 
Noble he signed the tome along with 
Playboy: 50 Years: The Cartoons (below). 


ITS NOT TV.IT'S 

DENNIS MILLER 

Believe it or not, Hef 

had never met Dennis 

Miller before appear- 

A KNOCKOUT NIGHT 7 ing on the Emmy- 

Hef hosted an ESPN Fight Night winning comedian's 

with Super Bowl-champion Pa- eponymous CNBC 

triots Ted Johnson, Tom Brady llano Wi promote, 

and Christian Fauria (right); Hef's Little Black 

Freddy Hernandez defeated Bock. “I'm surprised 

Jesus Soto-Karass in the main they didn't have to 

event (below); Richard Sey- bring Wie book Опа, 

mour and Rodney Harrison with. fortify said Miler а 
Bunny Ring Girls (below right) | longtime fan. 


Playboy's Fourth of July celebration was fol- 
lowed byan ESPN Fight Night. (1) Stacy Burke, 
Holly and Kendra, poolside and patriotic. (2) 
Andy Dick and Sarah Tiefenthaler. (3) Jon 
Lovitz and Bridget, dressed as Miss Liberty. (4) 
Matthew Perry playing volleyball. (5) Jonathan 
Silverman and a former Friend. (6) Alan 
Thicke and Tanya Callau. (7) Hef and his girls, 
enjoying the fireworks. (8) Bill Maher and 
Devin DeVasquez. (9) PMOYs Jodi Ann Pater- 
son, Heather Kozar and Brande Roderick on 
Fight Night. (10) L.A. Lakers Kareem Rush and 
Luke Walton with Bunny Ring Girls. (11) Kerri 
Kasem (Casey's daughter), ultimate fighter 
Chuck “Iceman” Liddell and boxer Mia St. 
John. (12) Michael “Let's Get Ready to 
Rumble” Buffer. (13) A preliminary bout with 
Al “Speedy” Gonzales and Raul Cazares. 
T (14) Redskin LaVar Arrington and Trisha 
"ъд Johnson. (15) Football icon Joe Theismann 
77 ‘with a guest and ESPN's Linda Cohn. (16) 
Tennis ace Andy Roddick. (17) Light heavy- 
weight champ Antonio Tarver, who knocked 

out Roy Jones Jr. in the upset of the year, 


ROUGHING THE PALATE 


When someone fails to order youa 
cold-filtered Miller Genuine Draft and 
instead hands you a less flavorful 
Budweiser. This is a personal foul and 
shows lack of respect for your tastebuds. 
Luckily, Roughing the Palate can easily 
be offset by Intentional Spilling. 


GOOD CALL: 


To avoid Roughing the Palate, 
always ask your bartender for a 
genuine flavored, cold-filtered 
smooth Miller Genuine Draft. 
Make the call for more. 


ME, call. 


A08 AVId 


16 


a r 


SPIKE IN CONTROVERSY 

Spike Lee (200, August) implies 
that Driving Miss Daisy didn't deserve 
to win the Oscar for best picture and 
that Al Pacino's performance in Scent 
of a Woman was less deserving of a best 
actor award than Denzel Washing- 
ton's performance in Malcolm X the 
same year. What Spike forgets is that 


In lane number ane...Spike Lee. 


most people go to the movies to be 
entertained and not necessarily to be 
educated. Although Do the Right Thing 
and Malcolm X may be more culturally 
significant than such films as Driving 
Miss Daisy and Scent of a Woman, they 
are not more entertaining. 
John Brennan 


Oakdale, California 


Could you have tossed Lee more of 


a softball question than the one about 
his frivolous lawsuit against Spike 
ТУ? He wasn't protecting his name, 
as he claims—he wanted publicity and 
money. The lawsuit cheapened every- 
thing else he has accomplished 
Robert Waller 
Cartersville, Georgia 


If Lee has never been to a NASCAR 
race, how would he know much about 
it? The idea that racing fans say “yee- 
haw” or would threaten anyone with 
lynching is ridiculous. We aren't back- 
woods racists. In fact, many black faces 
can be found in the stands. Га like to in- 
vite Lee to accompany me to an event. 

Debra Holt 
Alexandria, Louisiana 


My impression of Lee has always 
been that he dislikes white people. But 


Pu 


I also didn't know much about him. 
So I read his 20Q with an open 
mind—until I reached the NASCAR 
comment. We'll never make progress 
with that kind of attitude. 
Debbie English 
Yorktown, Virginia 


a 


Lee has made a career of talking 
about how unfair itis to judge a group. 
of people based on the actions of a few 
of its members. If he hates the double 
standards that black people have to deal. 
with, he should set a better example. 

‘Joe Vasilevski 
Elmwood Park, Illinois 


MOTOWN MYOPIA 
Frank Owen's biased article about 
Detroit (Detroit, Death City, August) is 
rooted in a deeper problem: his re- 
sentment over having a revolutionary 
father-in-law and a drug-dealer brother- 
in-law. Because they are from Detroit, 
he rips the city based on association, 
not impartial observation. I am not 
from Detroit, but I travel there regu- 
larly on business and have never had a 
problem. My business has closed of- 
fices in Miami, Washington, D.C. and 
St. Louis because of crime and vandal- 
ism after hours, but our downtown 
Detroit office is doing fine. Has Owen 
visited any other city? He'll find that. 
they all have problems. 
Jeff Edwards 
Charlotte, North Carolina 


Owen's article about Detroit is a 
negative and false depiction based on 
stereotypes. As a native and resident. 
of the city, І am proud of how hard we 
have worked to clean it up. Much new 
growth and development is taking 
place. The National Urban League 
convention is in town right now, and 
the Super Bowl is coming soon—not 
to mention our new casinos and pro 
baseball park. 

Justin Kosuth 
Detroit, Michigan 


The article devolves from a history 
of Detroit into a personal story about 
Owen's relatives. Both are tragedies 
that never should have happened. 

Dan Drotar 
Wyandotte, Michigan 

Frank Owen responds: “As I said in my 
article, conditions have improved in doum- 
town Detroit. But the next time Jeff Edwards 
visits, he should stop by the neighborhoods 
surrounding downtown (and by that, 1 
don’t mean Grosse Pointe), where he will 
find a panoply of social ills. Justin Kosuth 


States there is much new construction, which 


ул гс 


is true. However, in the 1990s Detroit lost 
more housing units than any other metropo- 
lis. The city tore down more than 21,500 
buildings during that time, and it owns 
about 40,000 vacant parcels. Last year De- 
troit posted its lowest number of murders 
since 1967 (361), but this year it's on its 
way toward 500 and remains by far the 
most violent major city. Detroiters are an 
enormously proud people, and I understand 
why they resent outsiders, especially one 
from England, criticizing their home. They 
feel that's their job, though only in private. 
1 also understand why local boosters would 
be unhappy with the story, but the fact is 
Detroit is a long way from becoming the 
world-class city it used to be.” 


y 


GARDEN OF EVA 
Eva Herzigova (All About Eva, Au- 
gust) is Venus in human form. Thank 
you for honoring the woman who 
made me proud of my 34D tits. 
Tara Steinke 
Menasha, Wisconsin 


When the Wonderbra ads came out 
in the early 1990s, friends of mine 
tried bribing store owners into selling 
their display posters. Eva doesn't need 
two ounces of lace, foam and wire to 
fill out her body. 

Jim Glezen 
Phoenix, Arizona 


Eva provides her awn support. 


Тепјоу putting PLAYBOY on my coffee 
table, but the August cover is so spooky 
I have to keep it facedown. 

‘Jim Smith 
Phoenix, Arizona 


Your August cover is great. The 
muted colors and lack of adornment 


17 


make Eva look all the more beautiful. 
Ken Carlton 
Chicago, Illinois 


Unlike other celebrities who have 
posed, Eva had the guts to show her 
entire body. She didn't hide behind a 
tree or shadows or twist like a pretzel. 
"Thank you, Eva! 
James Green Jr. 
Lorton, Virginia 


Mario Sorrenti's presentation of one 

of the loveliest women on the planet is 

dignified, tasteful and exquisite 
Manny Gomez 
Henderson, Nevada 


MATT AND BEN 
1 enjoy the Playboy Interview because, 
unlike the tabloids, you ask great ques- 
tions. Matt Damon (August) may be 
reluctant to discuss his personal life, 
but he seems to have no qualms about 
dissecting that of Ben Affleck. He feels 
Affleck is a victim, but Ben and J. Lo 
are equally responsible for the snarki- 
ness that the public displayed toward 
them. Damon shouldn't use his me- 
dia time to discuss how Affleck is tak- 
ing care of his business. 
Margaret Lovell 
Batavia, Ilinois 


Damon's is another in a disappoint- 
ing series of interviews. If you are going 
to let celebrities plug their books and 
movies, at least ask tougher questions. 

Bryan Strain 
Springfield, Pennsylvania 


DONNA MICHELLE 
1 just read about Donna Michelle's 
deaih (Playmate News, August). What a 
loss. She was my favorite Playmate. 
Jeff Wykoff 
Reno, Nevada 


PRO FOOTBALL FORECAST 

You state that the odds of the Ari- 
zona Cardinals winning the Super 
Bowl are a trillion to one (NFL Preview, 
August). Can you tell me which casino 
is offering these odds? Га like to bet. 
ike Edwards 

St. Petersburg, Florida 

That was our call and ours alone. We've 

since moved the odds to 900 million to one. 


Imagine my surprise when my son 
called to tell me that my husband was 
pictured in PLAYBOY—specifically in 
the photo accompanying “The Num- 
bers Game" in your NFL preview. He 
is one of the 80,000 fans at every 
Washington Redskins game. But he's 
not an ordinary spectator. He is part 
of an elite group of 12, the Hogettes, 
who on Sunday afternoons turn into 
ultimate fans. The Hogettes have 


been around since 1983 and have 
helped raise more than $75 million 
for children's charities. 
Donna Heid 
Chantilly, Virgi 


WIN WITH THE ADVISOR 

My husband subscribes to PLAYBOY, 
and I read every issue the day it arrives 
in the mail. The morning after we re- 
ceived the August issue, I called a local 
radio station for a chance to win two 
concert tickets. The DJ told me I would 
have to pass a quiz. He read a letter ask- 
ing for advice and then asked me to 
guess which column it came from: Dear 
Abby or the Playboy Advisor. Since 1 had 
just read the Aduisor the day before, 1 
identified each letter without hesitation. 
In fact, I think the DJ was annoyed be- 
cause 1 made the game seem too easy. 
As you can see, it pays to read PLAYBOY 

Mary Feducia 
Washington, D.C. 

The Advisor responds: "Nice job! When 

are we going to ihe concert?" 


LOVING LASTRA 
Playmate Pilar Lastra (Oooh La Lastra, 
August) is fine. I have faith she will win 
an Oscar one day. Do you? 
Maurice Boni 
San Carlos, Arizona 
Of course. We just hope she remembers us 
and agrees to pose again. 


Three cheers for those in the trenches. 


PLAYBOY IN IRAQ 
Here in Iraq. the insurgents try to 
get a rise out of us. But nothing gives 
us more of a rise than PLAYBOY. The 
magazine provides us and the rest of 
our mortar platoon with more motiva- 
tion than you could possibly imagine. 
Sgt. Brad Brown 
Sgt. Sean Duncan 
Fallujah, Iraq 
You're talking about the articles, right? 
Thanks for writing—and stay safe. 


E-mail: DEARPB@PLAYBOY.COM Or write: 730 FIFTH AVENUE, NEW YORK, NEW YORK 10019 


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1 AJ t her exotic features, British model and TV host Gab- 
VV rielle Richens often tops the World's Sexiest Women 
roundups in magazines. "| ranked above the goddess Cindy 
Crawford once, so that humbled me,” she says. “I get my skin 
from my father, who is South African with Indian and Chinese 
ancestry. Girlfriends won't lie next to me on the beach, 
because I tan quicker." Gabrielle chases the sun between her 
pads in London and Sydney and hosts a variety of shows in 
both cities, including a look at future sex on Bravo's 3001: A 
Sex Oddity. "1 learned that men might have babies someday 


This starlet's Mile High party is just taking off 


and there will be a pill that can give you an orgasm," she says. 
The 30-year-old could be a certified sexologist herself with her 
stint on the steamy cabin-crew drama Mile High and her dat- 
ing-show gigs. "I'm dateless, but | can get other people 
dates," she laughs. "One time we ambushed a girl as she left 
her date's home. My director kept pushing me to ask if she'd 
slept with the guy. 1 felt mean, but it's great TV.” Gabrielle 
prefers to keep her own dating life out of frame. “I’m looking 
for a husband," she says. "Looks are just a bonus—if a guy 
can make me laugh, he's halfway there." That's no joke to us. 


“If a guy can make me laugh, he's halfway there." 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY BOB CARLOS CLARKE 


21 


"dE END HA ES N STANS TREE СБ SEE TO ZLREEOITETEE MA 


ARE SHARE! 


'GUESS HOW MUCH | BLEW IN VEGAS’ 


THE NEW FINE OAK SINGLE MALT WHISKY RANGE. THE LIGHTER SIDE OF THE MACALLAN. 


RUN FOR COVER. IT'S 
NOVEMBER AGAIN 


SEEMS LIKE EVERY YEAR ABOUT THIS TIME 
SOMETHING HAPPENS 


November—what a month for history. Here's my 
list of the top 20 things that have happened in 
November, some to me, some to all of us and 
some not at all. 
1. November 22, 1963 John F. Kennedy was shot. 
right in the head. 
2. November 24, 1988 My Uncle Simon died of a 
heart attack. Ha-ha. 1 never liked that guy. 
3. November 20, 1982 The first girl I ever kissed. 
baked me a pecan pie. We ate it, and then she 
made herself throw up. I didn't kiss another girl 
for three years. 
4. November 13, 1999 I walked into my apart- 
ment to find Ed Taggles, my landlord, masturbat- 
ing in my kitchen. 
5. November 4, 1995 Israeli Prime Minister. 
Yitzhak Rabin was assassinated in Tel Aviv. 
6. November 23, 2003 I discovered that hair was 
growing on my nipples. 
7. November 3, 1972 I stood in the driveway of 
our house, crying helplessly as something horri- 
ble worked its way out of my brown shorts and 
plopped at my feet. My sisters and their friends 
stood and laughed at me, calling me Little 
Brownpoops. Even today, in their eyes I am Little 
Brownpoops. Oh God, I hate their eyes. 
8. November 24, 1975 I smoked pot for the first 
time. Two hours later I blew a guy for some crack. 
Stay in school. 
9. November I, 1990 I watched a fat girl get her- 
self off with a vibrator. Then we shared an orange 
Fanta. I never saw her again. 
10. November 17, 1969 Soviet and U.S. negotia- 
tors met in Helsinki to begin the Strategic Arms 
Limitation Talks. 

Okay, I can't do 20. I guess November isn't such 
a historic month after all. Maybe 
something momentous will hap- 
pen this year. Me, 1 just hope I 
get through the month without 
getting kicked in the balls. Any- 
thing beyond that is gravy. 


Louie CK is a stand-up comedian 
and filmmaker. 


afterhours ] 


social infractions 


WHAT HAS SOME JACKASS DONE NOW? A HANDY GUIDE 
When you're watching the big game with a group of friends, it's important to 
know your clipping calls from your holdings. You don't want to look like an 
idiot. But what about when you're at a party and the zebra whistles some guy 
on the other side of the room? Here's a helpful chart of the party-foul signals 
developed by the NFL*—we suggest you clip and save. 

A. Freudian slip F. Unauthorized J. Sleazy reference M. Bad breath 

B. Illegal backward Fleetwood Mac to previous sexual N. Vomit 


fondle Smoking doob at liaison with 0. Hogging the chips 
C. Illegal forward anon-doob party another guest and dip 
fondle H. Visible erection K. Indiscreet use of P Excessive chest 
D. Spill L Visible erection on lavatory hair 
E, Spill; broken glass dance floor L. Deodorant failure “nat really 
— 


sneaks preview 


FLYIN' SHOES 


What does the world's richest man wear on his feet? Whatever he 
wants—Howard Hughes was famous for sporting a simple canvas 
tennis shoe. For the Hughes biopic The Aviator, Martin Scorsese's cos- 
tumers wanted to put star Leonardo DiCaprio in the real deal: the Keds 
Triumph, last produced in the 1940s. Working from photos of Hughes 
and a 1934 catalog, a Keds designer re-created the shoe, and the 
comfy sneakers have become a word-of-mouth fad in Hollywood, with 
other A-listers angling for Triumphs of their own. The film is out in 
December, but you can get the limited-edition shoes this month at 
keds.com. Preposterous 150-ton wooden seaplane sold separately. 


[ afterhours 


ABS OF 
MARBLE, 
BUNS OF 
BRONZE 

TURN THE BODY р" 
WORSHIP INTO Al 
AGELESS ALTAR OF LUST 
Forget Venus de Milo. Now 
you can exult in the beauty of 
Venus de Cleveland—or 
wherever it is that you call 
home. In ancient times only 
the elite Greeks could afford 
to immortalize their Pelopon- 
nesian pusses in bronze or 
marble, but at Desert Shad- 
ows, a nudist resort in Palm 
Springs, California, a crafts- 
man named Curt will turn 
anyone into pseudoclassical 
statuary for a reasonable 
price. Depending on the size 
and finish—marble, stone, 
granite or bronze—it'll cost 
you between $300 and 
$4,000 to make an immutable monument of your girl's anatomy 
(or your own—but frankly that would be a little too creepy). "It's 
equally about art and preserving ourselves,” says Stephen Payne, 
the resort's founder and CEO. “People would rather have them- 
selves done, warts and all, than take home an anonymous figure 
that doesn't represent them in the least.” Although overtly salacious 
poses aren't allowed (keep your hands above the table, missy), 
Curt's sculptures are fully anatomically correct—legs, butts, breasts 
and genitals. Finally an artistic vision we can all appreciate. 


TURNING TRASH INTO CASH 
MODERN ART IS RUBBISH 


TA Three years ago art student Justin 

Gignac faced a creative challenge. 

“| asked myself, What could I 

package that nobody would nor- 

mally want?" The answer: garbage. 

He packed real New York City 

rubbish in three-and-a-half-inch 

Lucite cubes, then sold them on 

the street for 10 bucks a pop. 

"People go to Florida and buy 

sand in a can,” he says. “Why 

wouldn't they come to New York 

and buy trash?" More than 500 

people from 35 states and 17 countries have purchased the 

leakproof, odor-free, signed and numbered objets, some paying 

$15 for limited-edition boxes made with World Series, New Year's 

Eve or Republican-convention trash. If your sterile Ikea coffee 
table needs a good trashing, visit nycgarbage.com. 


SLANG ON 
ASTICK — 5 


lend of British 


cockney and Jamaican patois 

that is the vernacular du jour т) ( 
among nonblack youths in the у 
U.K. Useful example: "Wo' is. 1 
yous bangin’ оп abou'?", 

which translates to "What аге you saying?" 


Rejuveniles, kidults: Grown-ups, Gen Xers or older, 
who cling to the trappings of youth. Symptoms in- 
clude Vans, footie pajamas, grilled-cheese sandwiches, 
Hello Kitty and a devotion to the Cartoon Network. 


Turkey dump: The jilting of a high school sweet- 
heart while home on Thanksgiving break during 
freshman year of college. A tender back-to-campus 
pork often follows. 


Atkins mouth: Halitosis 
caused by low-carb diets 
that omit plaque-removing 
foods such as apples and 
limit the production of nat- 
ural mouth acids. Scarfing 
pungent slabs of sharp 
cheddar doesn't help either. 


Achievers: Cult followers, à la Trekkies and Dead- 
heads, of the Coen brothers film The Big Lebowski. 
Thousands flock to organized Lebowski fests—there 
have been four, with the fifth scheduled for New 
York—often dressed as characters from the movie. 
There tends to be a lot of bowling and drinking. 


Airmail: Big-city-cop slang for miscellaneous objects 
thrown down at them from tall buildings. 


Geo-spam: Automated ad messages sent when a GPS- 
equipped cell phone is detected by nearby restaurants 
and stores—for example, URGENT: QUARTER POUNDER 
Now $1.29!!G And we thought the guy in the sand- 
wich board jab- 
bing handbills at 
us was a nuisance. 


Pole pox: A rare 
but documented 
pole dancer's mal- 
ady, it's an allergy 
to the nickel used 
in the chrome 
poles that pro- 
duces painful skin 
inflammation and 
rashes. That's her 
story, at least. 


THE NEW FRAGRANCE FOR MEN 


/авуу-5ЦОН » SAdeyy-sauping • SÁN 1e əlqPllPAV 91001 A'N HOA MAN 'OTI SN dnaug qse 


[ afterhours 


HERE COMES A REGULAR 
LONGEST-SERVING BARKEEP STILL ISN'T TAPPED OUT 


Angelo Cammarata pulled his first beer the moment President 
Franklin D. Roosevelt brought Prohibition to an end—midnight, 
April 7, 1933. More than 71 years later he's still serving them up 
at Cammarata's Tavern, near Pittsburgh. In 1999 Guinness de- 
creed him the world's longest-serving bartender. And now, having 
outlasted most milk sippers, he's approaching his 91st birthday. 
We'll drink to that. 

PLAYBOY: Tell us about the day they made drinking legal again 
CAMMARATA: My dad owned a grocery store. When he heard FDR 
was going to repeal Prohibition, he said, “Son, people are going to 
want to have beer, and that's going to mean great business.” Boy, 
was he right. We sold 50 cases of beer that first night. Pretty soon 
we weren't selling groceries anymore. 

PLAYBOY: Ever serve anyone famous? 

САММАВАТА: Josh Gibson, the Negro League star known as the black 
Babe Ruth—the only man ever to hit a ball out of Yankee Stadium. 
PLAYBOY: Is the customer always right? 

CAMMARATA: The right customer is always right. You look after 
him. One customer, Charles Blackwell, has been coming to my 
bar since 1935. I'm 57 days older than Blacky. He can't drive any- 
more, so I pick him up anytime he needs a ride. 

PLAYBOY: What's your secret to longevity? 

CAMMARATA: I start every day with a bourbon and Coke. I've read 
that a shot a day is good for you. It's been good for me 


SEABISCUITS BUT NOT STUD MUFFINS 
ACTIVE RACEHORSES THAT MAKE THE OTHER COLTS A BIT NERVOUS 
Ballingarry 
Come On Chas 
Wild Gladiator 
Fancy Man 
Naughty Prince 
Father Dooley 


Provincetown 
Skip Vigorously 


Lavender Bob 


Frisky Mark 
Good Gracious Ned Assmar 


Lot o' Rim Fire 
Little Bum 
Rompburger 


Whispering Walter 
Toot My Whistle 
Ballet Critic 


HOT WHEELS 


BMW SALES MANAGER DIANE BROWN 
WILL PUT YOU IN A LUXURY RIDE 


PLAYBOY: What's your 
role at the dealership? 
DIANE: I've been in sales 
for five years, first with 
Mercedes-Benz, then with 
Porsche and now as the 
Internet sales manager 
for Perillo BMW in Chica- 
go. | sell cars on eBay 
and the Net and ship 
them all over the country. 
PLAYBOY; So your show- 
foom presence is wasted? 
DIANE: | am on the floor. 
And | usually wear cute 
little skirts or nice suits. In some cases customers will 
say to other salespeople, “Who's that? | want to work 
with her." And a lot of women come to me because 
they feel I'm not going to lie to them. 


PLAYBOY: Do nice cars get your engine rewed up? 


DIANE: There's nothing | love more than a man in a 
fine car. There's something very hot about it. 


PLAYBOY: Ever test out the new leather seats? 


DIANE: I've been tempted. But the showroom is glass. 
Maybe after hours, if | can find a willing participant. 


Employee of the Month candidates: Send pictures to Puao Photography Depart 
Ment, Attn: Employee of the Month, 680 North Lake Shore Drive, Chicago, llnots 
60611. Must be at least 18 years old. Must send photocopies of a driver's license. 
and another valid D (not a credit card], one of which mustinclude a current photo. 


ree 4 


WHAT'S: THAT FLOATING IN THE HOT TUB? ` 


RA 
TOGETHER 


TV'S FIRST ANIMATED REALITY SHOW 


| WEDS 10:30/9:30с 


МА 
STARTS ОСТ 27 AFTER AN ALL-NEW SOUTH PARK eue ten 


Jealousy rears its ugly head. 


Enjoy our quality responsibly + Visit crownroyal.com 
CROWN ROYALeIMPORTED IN THE BOTTLEeBLENDED CANADIAN WHISKY e40*s, ALCOHOL BY VOLUME (80 PROOF) 22003 THE CROWN ROYAL COMPANY, STAMFORD, CT 


Regime 
Change 


Since its founding in 
1946, the Italian 
Republic has had 
59 different govern- 
ments. The briefest 
administration lasted 
10 days, in 1972. 
The current (at press 
time) government, 

| headed by Prime 
Minister Silvio 

, Berlusconi, is the 

| republic's longest- 

| serving, having 
survived for more 
than three years. 


Mission to Mars 


Latest lines from the oddsmakers at 


Generation Intertops.com sports betting: 


3:1 Humans will land on Mars 


Why Bother by 2020 


55% of those eligible 1:5 Humans will not land on 
voted in the 2000 Mars by 2020 
U.S. elections. 13:2 Aliens will land on Earth 

[ before humans get to Mars 
to 24-year-olds, the 900-1 George W. Bush will be the 
rate was 29%. first human on Mars 


Brew Man Chu 


In 2002 China surpassed 
the U.S. to become the 
world's largest beer market. 
The country now accounts 
for 2096 of worldwide 
consumption. 


Cookin’ 


21% of us have engaged in sex in our kitchens. 


Misappropriations 
Budget allotted to 
the 9/11 commission 
to investigate the 
terrorist attacks: 


$15 million. 


investigations of Bill Sultans of Wing 


Clinton's sexual and be Л 
financial affairs: $11,282 First-class round-trip fare 
‘ 8 $70 million. from New York City to Dubai on 
Б Emirates Airlines. Amenities 

u include a cabin with a ing door, 
Who $ Your Daddy? room service, a personal minibar, a 
Basing their findings on the results of tests 19-inch TV with 500 channels and 
for inheritable diseases, genetic counselors. Most Baseball Caps a vibrating bed that fully reclines. 
estimate that about 10% of children in 68,000 (approximately) The airline also throws in a five- 
America, unbeknownst to their presumed owned by Frost, Minnesota farmer course meal at New York's Ritz- 
fathers, were actually sired by another man. Bucky Legried. Hats off, Bucky. Carlton the night before the flight. 


Ч \ \ N 
| ай 
| | KO N | 
F 
7 


ТШ 
k 4 тне HOUSE O 


EWS 


KINSEY | 


Liam Neeson takes on his most controversial role 


A mainstream American flick that deals with adult sexuality 
and talks almost nonstop about sex without a single smirk? 
That novelty alone would make Kinsey—starring Neeson 
as Alfred Kinsey, the fascinatingly flawed sex-research pio- 
neer—worth the ticket price. Neeson stepped up to the 
role after such sters as George Clooney and Tom Hanks 
shied away, and he delivers an award-worthy performance 
opposite Laura Linney and Peter Sarsgaard. "We went for 
a few days to the Kinsey Institute in Bloomington, Indiana, 
where we were greeted by a sweet Indiana-housewife type 
with a pleasant ‘Hi, how are you doing?’ while on the wall 
behind her was this incredible framed poster of a couple 
making love," says Neeson. Anti- 

sex Zealots eventually crushed “ i 

the influential researcher, and | read this š 
even today, Kinsey's status as SCrIpt and said, 
a father of the sexual revolution “| 

sparks controversy, including Kinsey was a 
charges of everything from brave man. 
faulty research to pedophilia. 

"Coming from an Irish Catholic framework, | was taught 
enormous guilt about pushing your hand against your erect 
penis," says Neeson. "Sex is controversial and always will 
be. | read this script and said, ‘Kinsey was a brave man 
who wanted to try to make the world a happier, more 
tolerant place.’ It's only a movie, but it couldn't be coming 
out at a better time." —Stephen Rebello 


Our call: With this and Collat- 
охх, Regina King, Kerry Washington) Foxx goes for | eral, Booty Call survivor Foxx 
the Oscar gold in this musical bio about how Ray Charles, | lets it be known he clearly 
who died in June, overcame childhood blindness, his broth- | wants respect as a serious 
er's death, racism, drug addiction and womanizing to | actor. But if his Ray doesn't 
become an international star. cut it, it's hit the road, Jack. 


Alexander Our call: There hasn't been 

Fa с D t a really good chest-beating 
Stone's s brawny epic celebrates how the young mara sword-and-sandal epic since 
king Alexander came, saw and conquered. Inspired by bosomy | Russell Crowe and Gladiator. 
mom Jolie and bosom buddy Leto and aided by CGl-enhanced | And this one's got to be better 
armies, Farrell tries to succeed where Brad Pitt faltered. than Troy, right? 


АШ Christmas Our call: Sure, we can live 
en Affleck ini, Catherine O'Hara) Dumped by | through yet another suppos- 
tie girlfriend and alone for the holidays, a wealthy L.A. music | edly edgy holiday comedy, 
executive (Affleck) arranges to be taken in by the family that | but can the recently luckless 
lives in his childhood home. Will he recapture his happy | Affleck survive another cin- 
youth? Gandolfini and O'Hara play the parents—is that a clue? | ematic Christmas turkey? 


Finding Neverland Our call: Get out your hand- 
(Johnny Бер ۷ 1) Depp stars as | kerchiefs. Powerhouse Oscar- 
playwright J.M. Barrie, who becomes involved with a beautiful | worthy performances all around, 
widow (Winslet) and her four young sons. While his shaky | and Depp plays a Scotsman 
marriage gets even shakier, he is inspired, much to the delight | so convincingly, Sean Connery 
of his producer (Hoffman), to pen the classic Peter Pan. could take lessons. 


32 


reviews 


dvds 


[ SEINFELD ] 


Nothingness is even funnier without commercials 


Like Cosmo Kramer bursting through the unlocked door, Seinfeld propels itself 
onto DVD with gusto: three seasons at once, digitally remastered and restored to 


pre-syndication lengths. Although the 
show had yet to become a TV jugger- 
naut—it didn't reach 25 in the ratings until 
season four—the first 40 episodes are 
some of the series's best, including "The 
Parking Garage" and "The Boyfriend," fea- 
turing first baseman Keith Hernandez. 
Given Seinfeld's syndication exposure, 
it's all about the... Extras: Cast commen- 
taries from Jerry, Jason Alexander, 
Michael Richards and Julia Louis-Dreyfus 
acd new dimensions to familiar scenes. 
Co-creators Seinfeld and Larry David 
chronicle the show's evolution in an hour- 
long documentary; volume two offers 
"Kramer vs. Kramer: Kenny to Cosmo," a 
feature on David's eccentric New York 
neighbor and Kramer inspiration Kenny 
Kramer. Also included are celeted scenes, 
bloopers and extended clips of Seinfeld's 
stand-up routines. ¥¥¥¥  —Greg Fagan 


THE CHRONICLES OF RIDDICK (2004) 
Vin Diesel returns to the breakout anti- 
hero role he nailed in Pitch Black. While 
that modest alien thriller surprised many, 
this post-Fast and the Furious Diesel 
flick has grandiose ambitions, Dame Judi 
Dench and a bloated budget. The dull 
nerd-world story about Necromongers 
and a planned interplanetary holocaust 
detracts from the otherworldly sets and 
badass Riddick one-liners. Extras: A guide 
to the Chronicles 
mythology and 
one level of Rid- 
dick's Escape From 
Butcher Bay video 
game (for use in 
ап Xbox). yy 

—Robert B. DeSalvo 


FANNY AND ALEXANDER (1983) Ingmar 
Bergmar's movie is a joyous summation of 
his obsessions: theater, dreams, love and 
death. In a Swedish city in 1907, two chil- 
dren spend a year in hell when their widowed 
mother marries a sadistic bishop whose 
austere home is filled with ghosts and mad 
relatives. Extras: 
The five-disc set 
includes theatrical 
and TV versions, 
interviews and a 
making-of docu- 
mentary. yyyy 
—Matt Steigbigel 


THE ALFRED HITCHCOCK SIGNATURE 
COLLECTION A remastered version of 
Strangers on a Train anchors this nine-film 
collection offering seven DVD debuts from 
the master, as well as the previously avail- 
able North by Northwest. With the superb 
Dial M for Murder, Foreign Correspondent 
and Suspicion, the worthy Stage Fright 
and The Wrong Man, and the flawed but 
still interesting / Confess and Mr. & Mrs. 
Smith—a rare Hitch screwball comedy 
starring Carole Lombard and Robert Mont- 
gomery—fans should definitely splurge 


for this boxed set instead of paying the 
à la carte prices. Extras: New docu- 
mentaries on all films except North by 
Northwest, and 
commentary by 
Peter Bogdano- 
vich and author 
Patricia Highsmith 
onthe loaded two- 
disc Strangers. 
УУУУ СЕ 


ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT—SEASON 1 
(2003) Narrated by Ron Howard, the best 
sitcom in recent memory follows the 
dysfunctional Bluth family as straitlaced 
son Michael (Jason Bateman) tries to 
hold it together. As Bateman says, "It's 
The Royal Tenenbaums filmed like Cops." 
Extras: The un- 
aired pilot, cast 
and crew com- 
mentaries, an in- 
tro by Howard 
and a look behind 
the scenes. yyyy 

—Buzz McClain 


BEFORE SUNSET (2004) The characters 
Ethan Hawke and Julie Delpy played in 
the almostromance Before Sunrise spent 
14 soukbaring hours together in Vienna 
before agreeing to meet again. Fast- 
forward nine years, and Hawke, in Paris 
for a book signing of his novel about their 
encounter, is reunited with Delpy shortly 
before he must catch a plane. The dia- 
logue, co-written 5 

by both actors, is 
remarkable and 
real. Extras: Fea- 
turette with the 
stars discussing 
their cinematic re- 
union. уму —R.D. 


The lips get the attention, but 
her uninhibited sexuality on- 
screen is what sears Angelina 
Jolie onto our collective libido. 
Her curvaceousness is on dis- 
play in Mojave Moon (1996), 
Foxfire (1996) and Gia (1998, 
left), the last proving that she 
can bare it all—physically and 
emotionally. Not all her roles 
transcend the flesh, leaving little 
reason to watch 2001's Origi- 
nal Sin or this year's Taking 
Lives other than the voyeuristic 
thrill of her sex scenes. This 
month she gives Colin Farrell an 
understandable Oedipus com- 
plex in Alexander. 


reviews [ dvds 


[ WHEN THE RAT PACK RULED ] 


Sinatra and pals define coolness on-screen 


Back when world-class swinger-statesman John F. Kennedy was barnstorming his. 
way into the Oval Office, a crew of world-class swingers-entertainers dubbed the Rat 
Pack roared into Las Vegas. Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin, Sammy Devis Jr., Peter Law- 
ford and Joey Bishop hit Sin City, rubbed elbows with gangsters, шагай musical beds 
with showgirls and wowed audiences at the 
Sands. During their off hours, they breezed 
through the filming of Ocean's Eleven, 
which turned out to be one of the movie 
events of 1960. Forty-four years later 
Ocean's Eleven—one long injoke dis- 
guised as a caper flick—is worth a look, if 
only for its glimpses of five cool hipsters at 
their finger-popping, swaggering peak. The 
DVD features trailers, commentary from 
Rat Pack sidekick Angie Dickinson and 
documentaries on the five targeted Vegas 
casinos. Sinatra and Martin reteamed in 4 
for Texas (1963), a saddle-sore Western 
spoof you might want to pass over for their 
final (and best) movie bash, Robin and the 
7 Hoods (1964), featuring Sinatra, Martin 
and Davis as singing, machine-gun-toting 
Chicago gangsters. Sinatra memorably 
belts “My Kind of Town,” and the DVD 
includes commentary by Frank Sinatra Jr. If 
you crave more cinematic ring-a-ding-ding, 
try the two-disc documentary set The Rat n 

Pack, narrated by Danny Aiello, which offers more than three hours of interviews, con- 
cert footage and home movies. Chase that with a favorite of Rat Pack connoisseurs, 
Judy, Frank & Dean—Once in a Lifetime, a 1962 TV concert special with Judy Gar- 
land. Every number is a showstopper, but don't miss Sinatra casually flicking cigarette 
ash on the stage while singing a torch song. Essential coolness. —Stephen Rebello 


special additions 
Pee-wee, Tarzan and Scarlet exposed 


The 1939 Civil War drama Gone With the Wind turns 65 in 
December, and it looks great in the new Warner Bros. special- 
edition release. The studio digitally restored a 1939 print and 
Spread it over two discs to minimize compression. Despite 
passing on the 50th-anniversary celebrations in 1989, Olivia de 
Havilland, the movie's only surviving star, sat for a 45-minute 
interview that is the four-disc set's gem.... Readers absorbed in 
m the FCC's straitlaced obsessions should grab The Tarzan Col- 
lection Starring Johnny Weismuller for an object lesson in 
American censorship. Tarzan and His Mate (1934) was the first 
film heavily censored under the industry's puritanical Hayes 
Code. Its four-minute skinny-dipping sequence, elegantly filmed 
underwater, is a landmark. Cut from the theatrical release, it's 
included here and discussed in-depth in the boxed set's eye- 
opening documentary... With the cult-TV classic Pee-wee's 
Playhouse making its DVD debut, it's time to drop the pretense 
that it's a children's show. Let's face facts: Host and creator 
Paul Reubens has a dark, adults-only side to his genius. We look 
forward to hearing Reubens's commentaries on a limited boxed 
set promised for 2005. Meanwhile, the entire series is coming 
| out November 9 from Image Entertainment—including six 
unaired episodes that were never available on VHS. —GE 


THE HUNGER (1983) A vampire 


quests to stop her immortal lover's 
accelerated agin; iis ultra-chic cult 
classic. David Bowie's transformation 
into an old man is chilling, wl 
Catherine Deneuve and Susan Sarai 
don's love scene is hot-blooded. ¥¥¥ 


RD WIVES (2004) | 
The А ШЕРА create а’ 
utopia of programmable Barbie house- | 
wives who don't nag and are always in 
the mood. Nicole Kidman and Christo- 
pher Walken forgo the original's socio- | 
political musings for camp. Wy 


WHITE CHICKS (2004) Inept FBI 
agents Marlon and Shawn Wayans 
become undercover brothers in the 
Hamptons when they disguise them- 
selves as white socialites Brittany and 
Tiffany. It's not outlandish enough to 
be truly offensive. Уй 


D 2 (2004) Mario Van | 
Peebles aS his mack-daddy father, 
Melvin, in a pseudo-documentary about | 
the making of his blaxploitation classic | 
Sweet Sweetback's Baad 455555 Song. | | 
Enlightening and emotional. шэн 


THE SIMPLE LIFE 2 (2004) Bored 
heiresses Paris Hilton and Nicole 
Richie humiliate themselves and all in 
their path on an Airstream trek from 
Miami Beach to Beverly Hills. Surreal- 
ity television at its worst. ¥ 


5867-1868) This round | 
has “1, Mudd"—with the Stepford wife 
from hell—and Angelique Pettyjohn 
mushing it with Captain Kirk. ¥¥¥ | 


DE-LOVELY (2004) Kevin Kline is 
dashing as musical-theater giant 
Cole Porter, and Ashley Judd evokes 
sympathy as the gay songwriter's wife- 
muse-beard. The musical interpreta- 
tions by Alanis Morissette and Sheryl 
Crow just deflate the whole affair. ¥¥ 


| (1994) Johnny Depp | 
FEES SUD ДЕ Movie Director of All 
Time" in Tim Burton's sweet paean to | 
the smelly underbelly of 1950s Holly- 
wood. Martin Landau's Oscar-winning 
performance as down-and-out Bela | 
Lugosi has become a classic. 


Don't miss Worth a look 
Good show Forget it 


34 


reviews [ music 


[ MOS DEF * THE NEW DANGER ] 


Brooklyn's multitalented MC i: 


is always a lyrical threat 


Find us a smarter, more socially con- 
scious MC and well find out who shot 
Biggie and Tupac. For almost a decade, 
the die-hard Brooklynite has poured his 
heart, head and soul into his art, bring- 
ing his raptivism to De La Soul cameos 
and the visionary Black Star—his part- 
nership with Talib Kweli—and also to 
theater and film projects. On his sec- 
ond solo effort, The New Danger, Mos 
showcases even more Bed Stuy layers. 
He scats, he chants, he croons beauti- 
fully. Most of all, he makes a statement. 
"Black Jack Johnson," the standout 
track—about taking back rock and roll 
from white people—is both the name of 
the black rock band he has formed and 
an ode to the first black man to win 
the heavyweight championship of the 
world. Is it as thought-provoking as 
everything else he touches? Most defi- 


nitely. (Geffen) УУУУ 


FATBOY SLIM « Palookaville 

When Fatboy started out three albums ago, he had to make rec- 
ords for his DJ set—nobody else was producing what he wanted 
to spin. Massive beats were a key element. Though he's still in 
demand the world over for his ability to create the kind of party 
atmosphere you can spend a lifetime looking for, Fatboy no longer 
needs to fill his own DJ bag. Instead he mostly kicks back—with 
Bootsy Collins, Damon Albarn and others—on an album perfect 
for mellow poolside head nodding. (Astralwerks) ¥¥¥ —Tim Mohr 


RICKY SKAGGS * Brand New Strings 

Even before he became a country star in Nashville, Skaggs had 
a proud Kentucky pedigree, having played with Bill Monroe and 
Keith Whitley. These days he has given up the bright lights to 
return to his musical home, where he plays music too mountain 
for country radio. A master mandolin and guitar player, he 
knows how to put his killer band through its paces, as he does 
here. And his singing is better than ever. Strings is Skaggs's 
finest CD in years. (Skaggs Family) УУУХ —Leopold Froehlich 


NICK CAVE « Abattoir Blues/The Lyre of Orpheus 

This two-CD set is Cave's best work since 1996's Murder Bal- 
lads. With it, tne postpunk legend returns to the gloom that 
made him an idol of the angstridden. Cave wrote all the Leonard 
Cohen-esque lyrics—and any number of emo bands would do 
well to study them. The Lyre of Orpheus is laden with acoustic 
gospel ballads. Abattoir Blues rocks hard. Though the London 
Community Gospel Choir nearly steals the show, Cave proves he's 
still one of the living music gods. (Anti-) УУУХ —Patty Lamberti 


VALENTIN SILVESTROV © Silent Songs 


The 67-year-old Ukrainian composer has earned an international 
reputation with his powerful neo-Romantic symphonies. This two- 
CD song cycle for baritone and piano moves in a less heroic direc- 
tion—at times it's so quiet you must strain to hear the lamenta- 
tions. For all their classical references, these are not the lieder of 
Schubert or Schumann. As the music moves at its glacial pace, 
we hear the disintegration of the form. The profound effect is of an 
immense object about to come to rest forever. (ЕСМ) ууу —LF. 


high notes 
[ ANNA NETREBKO ] 


This 33-year-old Russian soprano 
sold 100,000 copies of her debut 
album—and that's only the second 
best thing about her 


She's been called the first great soprano 
of the 21st century, but she's no Brun- 
hilde in a Viking outfit. Netrebko is a vir- 
tuoso with a brilliant voice of surprising 
color. On her new release, Sempre Libera 
(Deutsche Grammophon), she performs 
prima donna roles from Italian opera. 
PLayeoy: What do you love about opera? 
ANNA; It's different from anything else, 
and l like that it's not easy to understand. 
1 don't get bored with it, so I can listen to 
each opera many times. And it's difficult 
to sing, actually—it's very hard to per- 
form. Singing pop music is not nearly as 
interesting as performing opera. 
PLaveoy: In America, opera attracts ап 
older crowd. Why is that? 


ANNA: Operas can look old-fashioned. 
That's changing, but not everywhere. 
There are lots of younger singers and 
pretty productions now. It's much more. 
visually interesting than it used to be. 
PLAYBOY; What's your favorite repertoire? 
ANNA: | like to listen to Wagner, but I can't 
sing his work—it's not for my voice. | sing 
bel canto, which is beautiful music. And 1 
like Mozart, of course, always. 

PLAYBOY: How do you rest your voice? 
ANNA: 1 try to shut up, but it's hard be- 
cause | like to talk and | have lots of 
friends 1 like to hang out and chat with. 
PLAYBOY: Is there a sexual component to 
opera's appeal? 

ANNA: Opera can be sexual because the 
music can be erotic— very erotic. 
PLAYEOY: Your boyfriend is also an opera 
singer. Do you sing to each other? 

ANNA: No, never. But we like to listen to 
music together. That's always good. 


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36 


reviews | games 


game of the month 


the series, which were previously 
designed for less advanced sys- 
tems. DOA 1 [created for the 
Sega Saturn) is an unrecon- 
structed gaming history lesson 
that's strictly for the hard-core. 
DOA 2, on the other hand, has 
been completely updated with 
gorgeous graphics, new outfits, 
great environments and all the 
Jiggly bits we've come to expect. 
The novelty quotient is relatively 
low—gameplay is nearly identi- 
cal to DOA 3—but the addition 
of online play makes this game a 
rock of grade-A digital crack. If 
you're on Xbox Live and like to 
brawl, stock up on food—you 
won't be leaving the house for a 
while. ¥¥¥ | —Scott Alexander 


[ DEAD OR ALIVE ULTIMATE ] 


How do you follow up a hit game with its predecessor? Chicks help 


Dead or Alive 3 was our kind of game: Easy to pick up and play, it looked like a mil- 
lion bucks and featured some of the best digital females ever created. DOA Ultimate 
(Tecmo, Xbox) is a two-game set that contains the first and second installments of 


TONY HAWK'S UNDERGROUND 2 (Acti- 
vision, GameCube, PS2, Xbox, PC) Amaz- 
ingly enough, the house that Hawk built 
is still fresh its sixth time out. Adding more 
anarchy and humor to the story-based for- 
mat of the first Underground, this iteration 
puts you on Tony's crew as he battles 
Bam Margera in a World Destruction Tour. 
All the usual thrashing ensues, but now 
you can take con- 
trol of characters 
you meet through- 
out the game. Did 
you know that 
Ben Franklin can 
stalefish? УУУУ 
—John Gaudiosi 


MORTAL KOMBAT: DECEPTION (Mid- 


way, PS2, Xbox) Gaming's goriest 
brawler gets a macabre makeover this 
month, letting you make good use of 
Scorpion, Kira or Kobra's spine-crushing 
abilities. Technically, there is a plot, but 
with all the impaling and appendage- 
ripping we'd be hard-pressed to re- 
count it. In addition to the main story 
mode, the game's 
extras include 
online play and 
bizarre yet addic- 
tive chess, puz- 
zle and adventure 
options. ¥¥¥ 

—Scott Steinberg 


BLOODRAYNE 2 (Majesco, Р52, Xbox, 
PC) BloodRayne's controls have been 
refined for her second outing, making it 
easier to leap, grind and gyrate through 
modern-day sewers and slaughter- 
houses, flaying opponents with killer 
combos, flinging them into fans or filling 
them full of lead. Experience gets you 
weapon or ability upgrades, and Blood- 
Rayne's acrobatic 
moves and slo- 
mo superpowers 
are as impres- 
sive as her knack 
for squeezing into 
skintight leather. 
yyy —S.S. 


FIFA SOCCER 2005 (EA Sports, Game- 
Cube, PC, PS2, Xbox) A good soccer 
match is all about control, and EA Sports 
took that to heart when creating the lat- 
est in its best-selling footy franchise. Its 
“first touch” feature is a huge leap for- 
| ward, letting gamers control the ball in a 
| quicker, more intuitive manner. Along with 
a ton of licensed teams and players, this 
year's version in- 
cludes a more ro- 
bust career mode 
and head-to-head 
play over the Net 
(on Xbox and 
| PS2) yyy 

—Marc Saltzman 


[ PETER MOLYNEUX ] 


The brains behind B/ack & White 
turns his attention to mythmaking 


Molyneux has long been obsessed with 
creating electronic worlds that truly live 
and breathe. The mind behind a host of 
groundbreaking games, he has devel- 
oped his most ambitious to date with 
his latest opus, Fable (Microsoft Game 
Studios, Xbox). 
Q: How does fable differ from other 
adventure or role-playing games? 
A: It's set in a simulated, reactive world 
no set script and all these chaotic 
ies. Whether your character is 
is determined by the chal- 
lenges you face. Н you run into а man 
who's having an affair, he may give you 
some gold if you don't tell his wife. Do 
you take the gold and keep. 
the secret? Do you refuse 
the gold and tell his wife? 
Do you take the gold and 
tell his wife anyway? 
Q: What are the con- 
sequences? 
A: The kind of play- 
er you are is re- 
flected in your 
appearance and 
how people re- 
act to you. Your 
hero will look 
unique to you, 
but you don't 
create his look 
by selecting at- 
tributes from a menu; you create it by 
making choices in the game. When 
someone gets near the end of the game, 
you can look at his character and actually 
have an insight into what sort of person he 
is. | can probably tell more about a person 
from his Fable character than from a per- 
sonality test. 
Q: How long does it take to play? 
А: That completely depends on you. 
--5.А. 


wired 
Bare-Knuckled Debate 
You have an impor- 
tant political choice. 
to make this month. 
"Which candidate do 
you want to punch? 
Н you have a newish 
phone, you should 
be able to download. 
Sorrent's Bush vs. 
Kerry Boxing (about. 
$3, most cell phone 
carriers), which 
lets you settle 
this whole elec- 
tion business the 
old-fashioned way. 


WHERE AND HOW TD BUY ON PAGE 147 


DRESS SHIRTS 


ASIAA1 V НІ 


38 


reviews [ books 


[ THE PLOT AGAINST AMERICA | 
PHILIP ROTH 


Imagining a fascist America 


With this brilliant piece of conjectural his- 
tory, Roth again proves he is one of our 
greatest novelists. The story begins when 
Spirit of St. Louis hero and anti-Semite 
Charles Lindbergh defeats Franklin D. Roo- 
sevelt in the 1940 presidential election, 
which strikes fear into most Jewish house- 
holds in Newark, New Jersey. The new gov- 
ernment's Office of American Absorption 
and the Just Folks program pressure Jews 
to assimilate into the odd ways of Christian 
America. It's too much for the headstrong 
Roth family, which begins to fall apart. The 
Stress weighs heavily on nine-year-old 
Philip, who struggles to make sense of a 
nonsensical situation. "How can this be 
happening in America?" asks Roth's father. 
The plot is occasionally as implausible as. 
an Abbott and Costello routine, but it often 
hits so near to home we can sense the 
whiff of history. Roth reveals the fragility of 
our times, as well as how close we come 
to peril without ever knowing it. (Houghton 
Mifflin) зум —Leopold Froehlich 


HIP: THE HISTORY * John Leland 

The soul group Tower of Power once 
asked, "What is hip?" New York Times cul- 
ture reporter John Leland attempts to 
answer the question by analyzing the piv- 
otal moments of coolness during the eras 
of slavery, jazz, Beats, punks and dot- 
commers. As antithetical as intellectualiz- 
ing hipness may be, Leland balances the 
cerebral with the entertaining, making this 
book the literary equivalent of VH1's / Love 
the 90s. The most interesting chapters 


illustrate hip's reluctant shift from rebellious 
to mainstream. For example, skateboard- 
ing was once the hobby of degenerates, 
but now it's broadcast 

on TV. Ultimately, Leland 
points out, if you have to 
ask what's hip, you're 
not hip. But after read- 
ing this insightful look at 
the history of cool, you'll 
be able to fake it. (Ecco) 
хуу —Emily Little 


3 


THE STONE THAT THE BUILDER 
REFUSED + Madison Smartt Bell 

The sequel to All Souls’ Rising and Master 
of the Crossroads completes Bell's fictional 
trilogy chronicling the Haitian revolution 
and the rise and fall of insurgent slave 
leader Toussaint-Louverture. This install 
ment concentrates on the final two years 
of his life. (If you haven't read the previous 
books, don't worry; a chronology at the 
end of this one outlines the historical 
facts.) The first novel was criticized for its 
violence, and here Bell leaves out many 
gory details. As the title 
hints, Toussaint, like Je- 
Sus, was rejected and, in 
a way, also crucified. In 
the end, however, his 
edicts provided the cor- 
nerstone for liberation. 
(Pantheon) ¥¥¥ 

—. Jaroneczyk Hawthorne 


COMPLETE BOOK OF PORK 

Bruce Aidells 

Dried out and flavorless, pork has suf- 
fered in its low-fat role as the other white 
meat. A revival has been under way in the 
past few years, however. As founder of 
Aidells Sausage, the author knows how to 
cook pig meat. Some of the recipes here, 
such as Grilled North African Marinated 
Pork Kebabs on Couscous With Apricot 
Sauce, would be a challenge to even sea- 
soned chefs. But many others, such as 
Pork Cutlets Milanese, can be whipped up 
in an oink. Introductory. 
chapters provide tips on 
selecting the right cut, 
seasoning and grilling. 
There's even a section 
in defense of lard. This 
is a must for any pork- 
ophile. (HarperCollins) 
¥¥¥ — —Patty Lamberti 


Ë 


XXX: 30 PORN-STAR PORTRAITS 
Timothy Greenfield-Sanders 

This coffee-table book places clothed por- 
traits of such porn stars as Jenna Jameson 
next to naked ones. But the real attraction 
isn't the performers. It's the essays from 
such literary giants as Gore Vidal, A.M. 
Homes and Salman Rushdie. John Mal- 
kovich writes about 
watching porn as 
a young man, and 
John Waters inter- 
views a porn di- 
rector. Consider it 
an artistic, if not 
erotic, lesson in 
adultfilm culture. 
(Bulfinch) ¥¥¥ 
—Helissa Wozniak 


792 | =! x ١ 
TOMMY HILFIGER 


“BEST FIGHTING 
GAME OF E3" 


MORTAL KOMBAT 


PECEPTION 


“BEST FIGHTING 
GAME OF E3" 


T 4 _ 


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== MANTRACK 


HEY, 1 


mors PERSONAL 


The latest revolution in Mexico is about class, not class 
struggle. Here's how to pay a visit in style 


USED TO BE, YOU went south of the border for cheap thrills, a 
swim and a sombrero. In recent years, though, Mexico has started 
taking hospitality tips from Europe and the States, offering 
gourmet regional cuisine and luxe accommodations. Take, for 
example, the chic, contemporary Hotel Secreto (pictured), a 
romantic seaside getaway on Isla Mujeres, 30 minutes by ferry 
from Cancün. This three-year-old hotel is a labor of love for Scott 


an infinity-edge pool. Inside, stone floors and canopied beds jazz 
up the cool whitewashed building. While the Secreto's rooftop 
restaurant is still a season away from completion, the pool bar 
and surf-side lounge are perfect for afternoon cocktails. Prime 
Yucatán must-sees such as the Mayan ruins of Tulum are just а 
few hours away, as are the crowded beach bars of nearby party 


town Playa del Carmen. Still, with its soothing silence 
and elegant, understated design, the Secreto lets 
you have a blast without ever leaving your room. Ш 
Rates start at $165; book at hotelsecreto.com. 


Boyan, a Boston native and former magazine man who came to 

Isla Mujeres on assignment and ended up marrying into a family 

of local hoteliers. Outside, the terraced rooms are spread around 
5 Rules 


B° for traveling in Mexico 


1. Tip the police. Trust us, it's worthwhile. 

2. Beware of ice cubes. You know not to drink the 
water. Guess what ice cubes are made of, 

3. Don't get punched in the face. It hurts and can 
leave a scar. This means lay off any woman who has 
HECTOR tattooed above her papaya. 

4. Avoid mysterious chili peppers on your plate. A raw 
habanero can seriously ruin your day. 

5. Don't get busted with pot. Mexican law treats 
marijuana and heroin possession equally. How 
does a 10-year sentence sound, amigo? 


Nectar of /os Dios 


THERE'S A LOT OF BUZZ among liquor con- 
noisseurs about Gran Patrór's Platinum tequila, 
the first new release in a decade from one of 
Mexico's most revered distilleries. ¿Ay caramba! 
This white tequila is as good as any we've ever 
had—pure steam-baked agave juice that’s 
triple distilled, barely aged and dressed up in a 
handcrafted crystal bottle. With no oak in the way, 
all you taste is the agave's rich honey, with hints of 
nut and straw grass. For God's sake, don't mix it 
Available for $189 at better liquor stores nationwide. 


== MANTRACK 


s ° u n d f a s 


Tower of Power 


Superb sound reproduction, 
world-class engineering and 
a body that won't quit: Time 
for a dose of the sonic truth 


WE KNEW IT WAS only a rnatter of tirne be- 
fore all the adorable industrial design work 
being applied to cell phones and MP3 players 
would begin to trickle down to the big boxes 
Classé Audio started from scratch to come 
up with the elegant chassis design on its 
new Delta line cf high-end audio compo- 
nents. If you could dream in stereo, you'd 
dream of this. The amp (bottom, $5,000, 
classeaudio.com) pumps out 200 watts per 
channel of Classé's traditionally precise au- 
dio (courtesy of the technology that powers 
the company's venerable Omega line). For 
optimal playback, pair it as pictured—with 
the CP-500 pre-amp (85,500) and the CDP- 
100 CD player ($3,500); the latter features 
a 24-bit, 352-kilohertz digital filter with 
oversampling, as well as Classé's Pure Dif- 
ferential Cross Balance digital-to-analog 
converter system, which uses four convert- 
ers per channel. (Translation: It sounds real 
nice.) Control is a breeze—the unit has LCD 
touch screens that present you with rele- 
vant options only and can guide you through 
anything you might want to tweak in your 
sound. Better yet, the system sounds great 
even when you're not looking at it 


Clothesline: Joe Perry 


PLAYING GUITAR FOR Aerosmith isn't 
the only thing Joe Perry is passionate 
about—he also indulges heavily in fash- 
ion. “Rock and roll sets you free," he 
says, “and clothes help send that 
message. The best shop- 

ping is in Japan, because 
M designers such as Bur- 
Y berry, Diesel and Prada 
make special lines just for 
that country. My favorite 
buying experience was in 
Milan, when the whole city 
was having a half-off sale. 
My favorite store in the world 
is Alan Bilzerian on Newbury 
Street in Boston. It carries 
everything; it's a one-stop 
store.” Does Perry ever power 
shop with fellow bandmate 
and notorious clotheshorse 
Steven Tyler? "Not often. As 
time has gone by, he's gotten 
more conservative and 
Гуе gotten more flam- 
boyant. Go figure that!" 


CLASSE 


Think Again: the Master Bed 


INSPIRED BY THE SUBTLE movement of suspension bridges, 
Max Longin's Float Bed ($6,000 and up, max-longin.com) es- 
chews traditional vertical legs for a swaying, suspended sleep 
system. That is, when you move, it moves—which creates some 
interesting possibilities for more vigorous bedroom activities. 
Once you stop moving, though, the bed frame gradually settles 
and eases you into a night's sleep. Or as the German-based 
mathematician turned furniture designer puts it, the Float 
"doesn't inhibit or obstruct the movements of the lying or loving; 
it rather balances them and carries them to rest.” Amen to that. 
The beds are made in small batches by Longin himself and come 
in a variety of sizes and polished-wood finishes (Longin prefers 
the king, in maple, pictured). They're designed for permanent 
use in the master bedroom, but they also make great guest 
beds; you can fold one up and stash it in a closet in a pinch. 


he sing 
The sing 


== MANTRACK 


The Road Less Traveled 


ooki r luxu 


M 


AFTER A 15-YEAR RUN, Land Rover's Discovery, a benchmark SUV that repeatedly proved its worth on Camel Trophy off-road 
treks from the jungles of Borneo to the deserts of Africa, is getting phased out in favor of the new Land Rover LR3. The old 
Disco, off-road experts agreed, was the truck to take over ground most would fear to tread. But after test-driving the new 
model in the Scottish highlands—descending 45-degree sand slopes, slicing through a rocky riverbed with water lapping at 
middoor level—we can say with confidence that the new model eclipses the old and then some. Land Rover tested the LR3 on 
more than 4 million miles of terrain around the globe before bringing it to market, and it shows. 

Most of the improvements involve technological wizardry. The best new feature is the patented Terrain Response system, a 
rotary switch on the console that lets you choose from five options: general driving: grass, gravel and snow; mud and ruts; 
sand; and rock crawling. Turn the knob and the entire car reacts, adjusting ride height, throttle response and any number of 
traction controls, Under the aluminum hood is a 300 bhp, 4.4-liter Jaguar-based V8 with 315 pounds per foot of torque. As for 
the interior, refined stadium seating comfortably accommodates seven. A rear hatch facilitates loading, and with two rows of 
rear seats that fold flat, Land Rover claims there's enough room to transport a newborn elephant (you never know when that 
might come in handy). The LR3 starts at a reasonable $45,000 for the SE and goes to $50,000 for the HSE. Power up the 
booming Harman/Kardon Logic 7 stereo and head for your favorite hills. Nothing will stop you 


5%, 


АА * Car Getaways Drinking and 
Driving 

IN THE OLD DAYS, the gentry would 
leave the city for the country on 
weekends to ride horses before get- 
ting silly on cognac. This tradition 
lives on at Land Rover's driving 
schools, only instead of horses—well, 
you cet the idea. The company runs 
schools at the Biltmore estate in 
North Carolina (pictured), the Green- 
brier in West Virginia, the Fairmont Le 
Cháteau Montebello in Guebec and 
Eastnor Castle in England. By day you 
tear up the backwoods, negotiating 
riverbeds and steep descents ($150 
for a one-hour lesson, $700 to go 
solo for a day). By night the XO flows. 
Dial 800-239-0533 for information. 


DIRECT FROM ITALY, 
the Velox Coffee- 
break plugs into your 
car's cigarette lighter 
and makes two cups 
of espresso. If the 
java doesn't keep you 
awake, try spilling 
some on your lap—it's 
brewed at the stan- 
dard 180 degrees. Or- 
derat forzanoscom 


It's not like I'm asking him 
to stay in bed all weekend 
and cuddle. Га just be 
happy to roll over and hear 
“good moming.” But he's 
off at the crack of dawn. 


at least I could compete." 


And when he finally 
comes home, all he can 
talk about is her. 


Her smooth powerband, 
her seamless torque, 
incredible cornering, 
and worst of all, how she 
makes him feel inside. 


1 wouldn't mind if he was 
up that early cleaning the 
garage, but he's out 

there having fun with her. 


A little too much fun. 


Triumph Rocket IN 

140 Horsepower 

147 Foot-pounds of torque 
$15,990 MSRP. 


46 


пп MANTRACK 


E z 
52 Е 
ша 3| 


What's in Store 


Whiskey, Cuban cigars, 
head massages— 
Dunhill redefines 
shopping for men 


ACCORDING TO 
the old adage 
men hate to shop. 
Well, at least 
some men do 
Whatever—any 
man who hates to 
shop should pay a 
visit to the newly 
refurbished Al- 
fred Dunhill flag- 
ship store at 48 
Jermyn Street in London. You've heard 
about the classic brand's wares—slick 
British suits, lighters that can turn a 
health nut into a pack-a-day smoker. 
Now Dunhill's in-store stylings have us 
talking, thanks to a ciger bar where you 
can recline and indulge in a Cuban and a 
single malt. Then there's the barbershop 
(called Pankhurst), where you can get a 
straight-razor shave, a haircut and a head 
massage while you tune in to your own 
flat-screen TV. And when you pick out a 
suit, a lighting system in the dressing 
room can re-creete the atmosphere of 
any place in the world at any time of day. 
Want to know how a particular color will 
look on you in, say, Tokyo at 10 a.m? Tell a 
clerk and there you have it. The vintage 
1925 Norton motorbike (left) isn't for 
sale. Or is it? Everything's for sale. That's 
the great thing about shopping. 


Save Face 


T. 3 


EPIDERMIS (N): the thin outermost layer 
of skin, itself made of several layers, ell of 
which can get rototilled by icy wind and 
razor blades. Our picks from this season's 
soothing aftershaves (clockwise from 
middle): Yves Saint Laurent Rive Gauche 
Pour Homme, an earthy mix of lavender 
and patchouli ($34); L'eau D'Issey Pour 
Homme, with licorice extract and sax- 
ifrage to tone the tissues ($40); Biotherm 
Homme Aquatic Lotion, with hydrating 
agents such as glycerin and plankton 
extract ($21); Kenneth Cole Reaction, a ca- 
sual brew with crisp lime and sandalwood 
($42); and Davidoff Cool Water Deep, with 
kiwi notes and a musk base ($42). 


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with pockets." 


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Don't be a pod person 


эш ж = 


SO OKAY, YES, WE get it. The iPod The Phenomenauls 


mini is as cute as a button. But 
where's the love for all the fantastic 
and, heaven forbid, different- 
looking devices out there that do the 
job just as well? Rio Carbon ($250, 
rioaudic.com) sports five gigabytes 
of onboard memory (same as the 
mini) in a slimmer, trimmer, more 
masculine package. It slips into your 
pocket like a smooth beach stone, 
lets you pack more than BO hours of 
your musical life, has USB 2.0 for 
speedy file transfers and gets 20 
hours of playback time on one 
charge. Thank God someone's keep- 
ing Steve Jobs up at night. 


Easy Rider 


This board takes a lickin’ and keeps on slippin’ 


GO AHEAD, TAKE SANTA CRUZ's Chris Roach GhostShip (left, $500, scskate.com) 
down the gnarliest terrain you can find. It won't fail you. This board is as technologically 
advanced as they come. It has rubber dampeners sandwiched into the metal edges that 
provide great grip on ice and protection from rock damage. The slick StrucTurn finishing 
gives you a faster ride, and the board's 155-centimeter length is short enough to let you 
navigate through trees and long enough for you to maintain when the going gets fast 
and bumpy. And don't worry—you can cruise the snowboard park without getting dirty 
looks. The GhostShip is pert of the Santa Cruz Respect series, which pays homage to 
pioneers such as Chris Roach (if anyone asks, he's a snowboarding trailblazer whose 
skateboard-influenced style redirected the sport toward freestyle park riding). 


About Time 


A stylish watch that's fit 
for active duty 


WE LOVE DRESS WATCHES, but if 
you're planning something more ambi- 
tious than a night on the town, you may 
find yourself concentrating more on not 
dinging up a fancy timepiece than on, 
say, carving your turns correctly. To deal 
with the slings and arrows (not to men- 
tion the scratches and dents) of every- 
day living, you need a watch that's 
tough but can also hold its own when 
you slide on a suit and cuff links 
Bulova's Marine Star 98C66 sports 
watch ($225, bulova.com) is built to 
handle a day on the slopes—or in the 
surf, for that matter. It's waterproof up 
to 200 meters and features a smart 
two-tone rotating timer bezel. And with 
its classic Bulova styling, you can hit the 
dance floor without skipping a beat. 


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Î bought some Cubans recently. I'm a 
beginner smoker who fell in love with 
Romeo y Julietas while I was in Spain. I 
don't own a humidor, so I've kept the 
boxes in my bedroom closet. The cigars 
are in the boxes, in metal tubes, with a 
leaf in each tube. When I went to smoke 
one the other day I noticed what looked 
like mold on some of them. What can I 
do about this? Should I keep them in 
the basement? Please help me prevent a 
good thing from going to waste.—C.C., 
Trenton, New Jersey 

First, make sure it’s mold and not bloom, 
which is a grayish white powder caused by 
that the tobacco exudes as it ages. Mold i: 
bluish green and stains the wrapper; bloom is 
harmless—the equivalent of dust on a bottle of 
wine. As Richard Carleton Hacker points out 
in his Ultimate Cigar Book, a closet is a good 
place for your stash because it’s dark and re- 
mains at a relatively constant temperature 
close to the ideal of 70 degrees. But it still 
might have heat spikes, which can lead to 
trouble. That's why you should invest in a 
small humidor or cedar cigar box or at Ihe 
very least use an airtight container that. 
you've lined with cedar strips, which are the 
"leaves" wrapped around your cigars now. 
Cigars will dry out if you don't add moisture 
(the goal is 65 to 70 percent humidity), so in- 
clude a paper towel or small sponge soaked in. 
distilled water or use a product such as Ever- 
moist. Don't let water come in contact with the 
wrappers. Dry cigars can be rehumidified as 
long as their oils haven't evaporated. 


What's your position on withholding 
sex as a means of gaining power in a 
relationship? —M.L., Springfield, Ohio 
Uh...we’re against it. If a person believes 
refusing sex is Ihe only way lo assert power, 
the relationship is out of balance in other 
ways. You also sacrifice your own pleasure. 


A close female friend keeps getting hit 
on by this proper player whom every- 
one but the girl hates. Normally I 
wouldn't be too bothered, but this guy 
has a seriously bad reputation with 
women, and it would drive me mad to 
see her hurt. Should I confront him and 
say ГИ castrate him if he goes near her 
again, talk to her about it or let her sort 
it out? —G.R., Southampton, U.K. 

Forget the guy. You need to tell your friend 
you're in love with her. 


When I hang a picture, I place it so the 
center is at my eye level (Im six feet tall). 
My wife, who is six inches shorter, says I 
hang it too high. What's the correct 
height?—S.Q., Middleburg, Virginia 
The standard practice al museums and gal- 
leries is to place the middle of the picture 
58 inches [rom the floor, which is about eye 
level for most people. This ts according to our 


personal curator, Aaron Baker, who oversees the 
extensive PLAYBOY art collection and who posi- 
tioned the works in our office (including a pho- 
tomosaic of the Mona Lisa by Robert Silvers 
that's composed entirely of hard-core Internet 
porn—try hanging that at your job). You have 
more flexibility in your home, especially because 
you're placing pictures around furniture, but 
58 inches is a good starting point. 


Can you recommend a good vibra- 
tor?—G.B., Phoenix, Arizona 

Besides the washing machine? Every woman 
(and man) is different, so we can tell you only 
what sells well at shops such as Toys in Babe- 
land (800-658-9119 or babeland.com). We've 
written about the top three before: the work- 
horse Hitachi Magic Wand ($52), the classic 
Rabbit Habit ($86) and the discreet Pocket 
Rocket (827). Innovative products include a 
vibrator charged by the sun; the Petal Ring, 
which is designed to stimulate both partners 
al the same time; а vibe you can attach lo 
your laptop's USB port; and the Audi-Oh 
Butterfly, which vibrates to sounds such as 
voices or music. In general, vibrators are be- 
coming smaller and more powerful, largely 
because many now run on watch batteries. 
The trendiest new toys are vibrating objets 
d'art sold by the London boutique Myla 
(myla.com). Japanese ceramic artist Mari- 
Ruth Oda created Pebble ($175), furniture 
and watch designer Mare Newson made 
Mojo (8120), and furniture designer Tom 
Dixon created Bone ($350). 


You said in July that the best method to 
discourage tailgaters is to turn on your 
emergency flashers. Lam a police officer 
who once ticketed a guy for doing ex- 
actly that. Not only is it unsafe, 
against the law. When motorists see a 


ILLUSTRATION BY ISTVAN BANYAI 


vehicle with its flashers on, they are likely 
to make quick, irrational maneuvers to 
get around it. The safest way to handle 
a tailgater is to signal and move into a 
slower lane. If you're in the slowest 
lane, pull over to the shoulder or exit. 
Don't let pride or anger cloud your 
thinking.—].G., St. Louis, i 

Did you ticket the tailgate 
thing we would have liked to see. A number 
of readers took i vith our advice, point- 
ing out that the easiest thing to do is change 
lanes (assuming you have that oplion). That 
seemed loo obvious to mention 


Your answer should have been “Get the 
fuck out of the way.” Most people tail- 
gate because the driver in front isn’t pay- 
ing attention, not the other way around. 
Stay out of the passing lane unless you're 
passing —PM., Chicago, Illinois 

Some people drive too slowly. That can be 
frustrating. But sticking to their bumper in 
ituation makes you the asshole, because 
creating a hazard that didn’t exist 
. With rare exceptions, it is your fault 
when you rear-end someone. The rule of. 
thumb is a car length for every 10 miles per 
hour, and that's still too clo: 


lam a 25-year-old Asian woman, and my 
husband is a 30-year-old Asian man. I 
think we both would say we have a 
healthy sex life. But recently I looked at 
the website history on our computer and 
discovered he's been looking at porn 
before he goes to work. Specifically, he 
searches for photos of blondes engaging. 
in anal sex. Should I be concerned that 
this sometimes makes him late for work 
or that he's into blondes? I know it can't. 
be about anal sex, because we have that 
frequently. —V.N., San Jose, California 

If you were a blonde, he'd be searching for 
brunettes. The appeal of porn for most guys 
is that it provides variety (and they never 
hear ^no"). In your husband's defense, his 
search for images may be nothing near a 
habit. That's what you need to find out from 
him—is this a felish or one of many fan- 
tasies? We'd guess the latter. Ever been butt 
fucked іп a wig? 


After an evening of energetic sex with 
my girlfriend, 1 awoke at 2:30 A.M. to 
find her lips on my cock. I said, “I can't 
believe this, baby,” at which point she 
pulled away, looking startled. Turns out 
she was asleep and had no idea what was 
going on. My girlfriend is a sleepsucker! 
We both are wondering if this is com- 
mon.—R.C., Vermillion, South Dakota 
It’s not common enough, that's for sure. In 
1996 we ran letters from two women who 
claimed their husbands had made love to them 
while asleep. We had our doubts, but a re- 
spected sleep expert, Dr. Michael Thorpy, 


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assured us that people are capable of doing 
many unusual things while slumbering. We 
called him for an update. "There's now more 
awareness among doctors that this occurs," he. 
says. "It's part of a process known as confu- 
sional arousal. It occurs while people are in a 
deep sleep—deeper than even the dream 
stage—usually during the first half of the 
night. Something rouses them, but they don't 
wake up. Instead they enter a half-sleep, half- 
awake state." That leads to sleepwalking or 
other odd behavior. One study at Stanford 
University involved two sleeping women who 
would moan loudly as if being aroused, a 
woman and a man who would masturbate 
furiously, and six men and a woman who 
would make unwanted and sometimes violent 
advances on their partner. One 26-year-old 
would fondle her husband and talk dirty to 
him. When he responded, she would wake up 
and accuse him of trying to seduce her while 
she slept. Her husband wouldn't believe she 
had been unconscious. They went to a coun- 
selor but didn't make any progress until a 
sleep lab revealed what was going on. 


You took a beating in July for your reply 
to the size-16 woman who wanted to 
knowifa cute face was enough for her to 
find a man. But the Advisor's honesty, 
brutal or otherwise, is the reason I read 
PLAYBOY. When people ask you for the 
truth, they actually want you to affirm 
their unrealistic fantasies. Because men 
are confronted with the harsh realities of 
life and dating at an earlier age, we do not 
so easily find solace in fairy tales. —T'S., 
New York, New York 

Not sure that's oue—we hear from plenty 
of men who have unrealistic expectations. 


Your critics are too harsh. The woman 
told you she was heavy and therefore 
didn’t have a man and therefore was bit- 
ter. This is a common pattern. Many 
people gain weight to avoid intimacy, 
but it doesn't always work for women, 
because they date and marry up, while 
men date and marry down. That is, even 
a woman who is a onc on a scale of one to 
10 will be attractive to a guy who isa two. 
You also see women who become 10s 
only so they can say that no man is good 
enough.—S.S., Chicago, Illinois 

That explains why we date so many nines. 


The angry letters took up too much 
space, especially since you were right. 
Drop it!—].R., New Orleans, Louis 

Done. But where were you guys when we 
needed you? 


na 


What are the differences between a 
steam room and a sauna? My gym has 
both.—D.K., Brookline, Massachusetts 

The difference you'll notice immediate 
that one is hotter. A sauna is typically 170 to 
180 degrees and has very little steam (a dry 
heat). A steam room is typically 100 to 110 de- 
grees and will have more steam (wet heat). 
Saunas are constructed of porous material 
such as cedar, while steam rooms are sealed off. 


There's no evidence that sitting in a hot room 
for 15 minutes rids your body of toxins, cleans 
pores, sheds pounds or offers any other long- 
term health benefits—even the diehards at the 
Finnish Sauna Society will tell you that. But и 
can be relaxing. Because saunas and steam 
rooms increase your heart rate dramatically, 
decrease your Blood pressure and dehydrate 
you, doctors say they shouldn't be used before 
or after strenuous exercise. 


A reader wrote in August that he likes to 
put binder clips on his nipples while 
watching porn. I'm a guy who also likes 
to stimulate my nipples, but I use the 
suction cups sold at nipplefunwear.com. 

1 wait until my nipples fill 80 percent of 
the cups and then squeeze—the plea- 
sure is exquisite. When the cups are 
removed I always have large, hard nip- 
ples.—B.B., Thousand Oaks, California 

Thanks for the pointers. 


А while ago you asked readers to sub- 
mit their real-life threesome experi- 
ences. Do you have any good stories to 
share? —K.L., Seattle, Washington 

You bet. Because so many readers ask how 
10 arrange threesomes, we wanted to find out 
how they come about, for better or worse. Be- 
low are a few of the hundreds of responses; 
visit our site at playboyadvisor.com for more. 
Next month we'll tell you what we learned. 


І was talking to two women when one 
said, “Friends who play together stay 
together.” We started making out while 
her friend slid her hand down my pants. 
When we got to my place, they asked 
what I wanted to see. I told them to fight 
over me. So they gave me head while 
bickering over whose turn it was.—M.E,, 
San Francisco, California 


The last time 1 had anything close to a 
threesome was two years ago. My wife 
and I watched Eyes Wide Shut while her 
friend blew me. Now I have blue balls 
because my wife says those days are over. 
She says she has grown up and that I 
should t00.—D.P, Kansas City, Missouri 


| was hosting a frat party when I noticed 
two girls flirting with each other. I told 
each girl that the other had asked to meet 
her upstairs in my room. I waited awhile, 
then went up to see how they were 
doing.—M.C., Parsippany, New Jersey 


les happened three times, all with my 
current girlfriend: (1) We invited a 
waitress back to our hotel. The next 
morning, as we were checking out, the 
manager kept saying, "You had two 
girls!" (2) We were on a cruise. A blonde 
asked if I was single. I told her I could 
be single if she wanted and took her to 
meet my girlfriend. (3) We were playing 
golf. A woman playing alone caught up 
with us. I asked, “Do you ever get hit on 
by other golfers?" She said, “All the 
time." So I asked, "Do you ever get hit 


on by couples?" We've had other pros- 
pects, but it usually happens when we 
least expect it.—R.W., Phoenix, Arizona 


This chick at a party asked if she could sit 
on the arm of my chair. Some guy 
bumped her and shc fell into my lap. We 
talked and started making out. Five min- 
utes later I opened my eyes and 30 peo- 
ple were watching us. Another chick 
said, "This shit is making me horny." 
Everyone cheered as the girls led me 
away. I always thought a threesome 
would be confusing, but 1 didn't have to 
do much.—PL., St. Louis, Missouri 


M, aate pushed me against a wall, 
crouched down and unbuttoned my 
jeans. That's when I saw her roommate 
It turned into an up-and-down swap. 
The key is to let the women be in con- 
trol. —G.C., San Diego, California 


М, fiance introduced me to his ex. I 
suspected he wanted to sleep with her 
one last time, so I organized a threesome. 
1 had two ground rules: He couldn't kiss 
her, and he had to give me most of his 
attention. But they tried to slip in a kiss, 
and he fucked her four times and me 
only once.—A.T., Provo, Utah 


My wife and I had three-ways with her 
friend. Things were great until I decided 
to fix up the friend with a co-worker. He 
told her he would love to swing with her. 
She was pissed. I had no idea he'd go for 
the gold within 15 minutes of meeting 
her. I learned the hard way not to screw 
and tell. —W.W., Chicago, Illinois 


Му girlfriend and 1 did it doggy style 
while her friend stood over her back and 
pretended she was riding a mechanical 
bull. No matter how much you fantasize 
about a threesome, you're never ready 
for ii 2, Milwaukee, Wisconsin 


Two women I met while drinking asked 
me if I had money for a room. At the 
hotel one woman cuffed me to the bed. 
They both sucked my cock. When I told 
them I was close, they stood up, took my 
wallet and clothes and left. The maid 
who found me in the morning didn't 
speak English, so soon the room was 
filled with the manager, two cops and. 
two EMTs. At least I can say I've had a 
threesome.—R.K., Houston, Texas 


AU reasonable questions—from fashion, 
food and drink, stereo and sports cars to 
dating dilemmas, taste and etiquetle—urill 
be personally answered if the writer includes 
a self-addressed, stamped envelope. The most 
interesting, pertinent questions will be pre- 
sented on these pages each month. Write the 
Playboy Advisor, 730 Fifth Avenue, New 
York, New York 10019, or send e-mail by 


visiting our website at playboyadvisor.com. 


PLAY PENALTY 


FREE BEER WITHA 
GENUINE FLAVORED 


COLD-FILTERED 


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THE PLAYBOY FORUM 
OUR NEXT WAR 


U.S. ENERGY POLICY IS ABOUT TO GET A LOT MORE COMPLICATED 


BY CRAIG UNGER 


win the election on 

November 2, but I 
will make one predic- 
tion: Whoever tak 
over the White House 
next year will have to 
confront an energy 
crisis of astounding 
proportions, The most 
disastrous unintend- 
cd consequence of 
President Bush's 
dlc East policics is that 
we are about to enter 
an era that might be- 
come known as the 
Great Oil Wars. 

Consider the iron 
For nearly a genera- 
tion, oilmen George 
H.W. Bush and James 
Baker oversaw the rc- 
lationship between the 
U.S. and Saudi Ara- 
bia, forging a d al wath 


| don't know who vill 


turned a blind eye D he dark side of the Saudis so we could 
make certain America’s 165 million cars got cheap gas. Now 
Bush's son, leading an administration dominated as never 
before by oil executives (even Condoleezza Rice was on 
Chevron's board and had a tanker named after her), is likely 
to leave the U.S. with the worst of both worlds: Posing as the 
tough guy fighting terrorism, the president has given a pass 
to the Saudi role in terrorism. Yet at the same time, he seems 
to be presiding over the end of the special Saudi-American 
relationship that has given the U.S. access to oil for many 
years. This could leave us running on empty. 

How could this happen? For decades the U.S. bought 
cheap oil from the Saudis and sold hundreds of billions of 
dollars’ worth of weapons to them. The catch was that we 
agreed to keep our noses out of their domestic affairs. Be- 
cause the stability of Saudi Arabia and its vast oil reserves is 
crucial to the economy of the West, that didn't seem a high 
price to pay. It made for an astoundingly s 
tionship. Few Americans realize 
state religion, Wahhabi Islam, was an extremist, puritanical 
sect that played a le in fostering terrorism. 

No one played a bigger part in this policy than former 
president George H.W. Bush and his allies—in both the 
public and private sectors. Over more than two decades, 
the Saudis funneled in excess of $1.4 billion in investments 
and contracts to companies in which the Bushes and their 
allies were prominent figures—Harken Energy, Hallibur- 
ton and the Carlyle Group, among othe 
a White House first. It was personal as well. Prince Bandar, 


the Saudi ambassador 
tothe U.S., was a close 
friend of the first 
president Bush. Affec- 
tionately nicknamed 
Bandar Bush, he vis- 
ited Kennebunkport, 
Maine; Crawford, 
Te: and the White 
House, and was the 
only person allowed 
by Barbara Bush to 
smoke in the Bush 
homes. Bandar had 
more access to the 
White House than 
did any other foreign 
official in the world. 
In the 1990s the 
rapid ascent of 
Islamist terrorism 
should have raised se- 
rious questions about 
whether being so 
close to the guardians 
of Wahhabi Islam was 
wise. In 1995 a car 
bomb killed five Americansat a building shared by the Sau- 
di Arabian National Guard and the Vinnell Corporation, an 
American company owned by the Carlyle Group. In 1996 
the U.S. military barracks in Khobar Towers, Saudi Arabia 
were bombed, killing 19 Amcricans. In 1998 Al Qacda 
bombed the American embassies in Kenya and Tanzan 

After September 11, the ugly seams of this relationship 
were laid bare. Fifteen of the 19 hijackers were Saudi. Bin 
Laden is Saudi. Al Qaeda's financing was largely Saudi 
The great secret had begun to unravel. 

Yet even after nearly 3,000 people were murdered on 
September 11, George W. Bush has been anything but 
tough on the Saudis. Again and again, Bush officials have 
characterized the Saudi response to terror as “superb,” even 
though CIA and other intelligence sources said the Saudis 
were refusing to cooperate. High-level Saudi officials, from 
Interior Minister Prince Naif to Crown Prince Abdullah, 
have blamed terrorist attacks in Saudi Arabia on Zionists 
rather than on Al Qaeda—and there has not been a peep 
out of the House. 

The unspoken rationale for kowtowing to the Saudis is 
that we need their oil. Yet at a time when the U.S. is more 
addicted to foreign oil than ever, this special relationship ap- 
pears to have entered the endgame stage. One reason is that 
just after he took office, Bush decided not to waste his polit- 
ical capital on trying to resolve the Isracli-Palestinian cri: 
Asa result, his standing with moderate Arabs in the region 
dropped accordingly. Both Saudi Crown Prince Abdullah 
and King Abdullah 11 of Jordan went so far as to turn down 


invitations to the White House. Even 
before September 11, Crown Prince Ab- 
dullah vrote an angry 25-page letter to 
Bush that appeared to end the special 

ionship between the U.S. and Saudi 
Starting from today, you're 
from Uruguay, as they say," it read. "You 
Americans, go your way. 1, Saudi Arabia, 
go my way." 

Since then, it has become increasingly 
apparent that Bush's preemptive, unilat- 
eral move to invade Iraq was a colossal 
strategic blunder that will not be undone 
easily. By installing troops in the oil-rich 
Arab state, the U.S. has fulfilled Osama 
bin Laden's prophesies. The American 
occupation and the Abu Ghraib prison 
scandal have incited thousands of Is- 
lamist terrorists, making it impossible for 
moderate leaders like King Abdullah to 
openly identify themselves with U.S. 
policies. This comes at a time when the 
support of moderate Arabs is essential if 
the United States is to build a successful 
new government in Iraq. 

In recent months the Middle Fast cri- 
sis has taken on the character of an oil 
war. Terrorists and insurgents have 
launched scores of attacks on the oil 
facilities and the Westerners who service 
them both in Iraq and Saudi Arabia. 
There have been more than 40 attacks 
on oil operations in Iraq in the past year 
and five major attacks in the Saudi king- 
dom. The resulting instability inevitably 
translates to higher oil prices. In Saudi 
Arabia, which has the biggest reserves in 
the world, there are bombings, kidnap- 
pings and beheadings. Widespread civil 


unrest suggests a low-intensity civil war. 


Half the Saudi population supports Bin 
Laden. In May, James Oberwetter, the 
new US. ambassador to Riyadh, warned. 
Americans, "It is time to pack your bags 
and go home. We cannot protect you 
here.” Not surprisingly, Westerners have 
begun to flee. Even in normally placid 
Bahrain, the State Department autho- 


m 


Waving good-bye to o speciol relationship? 


rized the departure of Americans be- 
cause of terrorist threats. 

Observers have long forecast the 
demise of the House of Saud. While such 
dire predictions may still be premature, 
a succession crisis in the next few years is 
certain even if the House of Saud retains 
control. Crown Prince Abdullah, the de 
facto ruler, is 80, and the fact that King 
Fahd is still alive but incapacitated makes 
it unclear who might succeed him. 


Then there is China. Until 1993 China 
was a net exporter of oil. Now 
ducing 5 million cars a year, ani 
to quench its energy needs it has been 
cultivating its relationship with the Saud- 
is. According to the Jamestown Founda- 
tion, there have even been reports that 
China has sold to Saudi Arabia interme- 
diate-range ballistic missiles, suggesting 
that it is positioning itself as a rival to take 
America's place as the favored partner to 
consume Saudi oil. 

This volatile stew of political instability, 
anti-American fervor and new geopoliti- 
cal rivalries could not come at a worse 
time, given the harsh limits of the global 
energy picture. Some experts predict 
that world oil production will peak as 
early as 2005, meaning that no matter 
how much wilderness is explored or how 
many wells are drilled, less and less oil 
will be available. Promising alternative 
energy strategies such as hydrogen fuel 
cells exist but are still in their infancy. OF 
the 1.6 trillion barrels of oil in the world, 
half will likely be depleted by 2010 

When increased demand meets lim- 
ited supply, prices, of course, go up. Af- 
ter the oil embargo of 1973, the U.S. got 
a taste of what that meant—long gas 
lines, high inflation, double-digit interest 
rates and a long-term recession. This 
time prices are likely to go up again—but 
not gradually and not temporarily. And 
don't forget that this will be happening in 
a region now beset by terrorism and in- 
stability. All of which means our next 
president will have to not only make sure 
America has enough energy but avoid 
being enmeshed in the Great Oil Wars. 


Nathan Glasgow of Colorado's Rocky 
Mountain Institute, a think-and-do 
tank, has been analyzing carrot-and- 
stick programs—called feebates— 
that could get virtually every Ameri- 
can driver behind the wheel of a 
fuel-efficient car quickly and cheaply. 
Q: Why are they called feebates? 

A: Under this government-adminis- 
tered system, if you buy an efficient 
car, you get a rebate. If you buy a gas 
guzzler, you pay a fee. Both would be 
on a sliding scale according to each 
car's fuel efficiency. The fees pay for 
the rebates. For example, the sticker 
price of a new Hummer would include 
a fee, and the money raised would 
help defray the cost of a new Escape 
hybrid. We estimate that by 2025 fee- 
bate policies could resuit in every 


YBRID CARS, ON THE HOUSE 


fourth vehicle on America's roads being 
several times as efficient as today's cars. 
As technologies get better and cheaper, 
the "pivot point" between fee and rebate 
rises too, rewarding continual improve- 
ment. With ultralight materials and innov- 
ative propulsion systems, cost-effective 
60- to 90-mile-per-gallon cars and light 
trucks are already realistic, and more than 
100 miles a gallon is likely. 


Efficient cors reduce our foreign-oil needs. 


Q: Could this approach be used for 
anything other than cars? 
A: We're looking into applying fee- 
bates to both heavy trucks and 
airplanes. Applying this system to 
airplanes is especially promising 
because of their long service life and 
their historical improvements in effi- 
ciency. Today's airplanes use about 
50 percent fewer gallons per mile 
than those made in 1970. 
Q: So the idea is that feebates could 
wean us off fossil fuels? 
A: Our new report, “Winning the Oil 
Endgame,” concludes exactly that. 
Feebates are just one of the tools we 
advocate to show that the U.S. 
could get off oi! entirely over the 
next few decades—and at a profit. 
—Matt Bivens 


FORUM 


TAPPED OUT 


WE'VE BUILT A CIVILIZATION ON СНЕ 


carbons: wood, coal and oil. Today oil 
represents 40 percent of the world en- 
ergy market. But petroleum supplies are 
finite. Theoretically, it’s possible, using 
estimates of known re- 
serves, to calculate when 
the world oil supply will 
peak. Such estimates, 
though, arc notoriously 
inaccurate. "Ninety per- 
cent of reserves are held 
countries, not compa- 

* says David Good. 
stein, a Caltech physicist. 
and the author of Out 
of Gas. "Nobody audits 
countries. In the 1980s OPEC changed the 
quota system dictating how much oil 
each country could pump and began to 
base it partly on countries’ stated reserves. 
Overnight 400 billion barrels of oil magi- 
cally appeared from nowhere.” Though 


| ndustrial economies are built on hydro- 


Premium 


Gasoline 


h 
author of The Street Law Handbook ex- 
plains what the law allows. 
de 's against the law to have sex in public, 
but what about ii in a car or your backyard? 
А public space is anywhere someone сап 
see you, within reason. In most suburbs, 
there's a good chance a neighbor can see 
you. Your car is definitely a public place. 
So you're always safe having sex inside. 
Not necessarily. | know of a case in which 
uy was charged with indecency for | 
having sex with a pumpkin in his basement. 
jomeone saw him through a window. 
- Prostit tion is defined as paying someone 
to have sex with you. Could you get 
F around is by bartering? 
_ No. The legal term is consideration. But. 
| realistically, unless you were 
to МК in a contract, “т 
giving you a car in return for 
having sex with me," a pros- 
“ёсдог would have a hard 
time | proving it. Escorts work 
around the law by hiring 
selves out for company. 
You can give her $3001 to go 
- on a date. But as soon as 
‘you ЕТЕП throw i in an extra 
$100 for sex," that's illegal. 


AP OIL. BUT THE WELLS WILL RUN DRY 


rosy reserve numbers continue to appear, 
oil use has outpaced oil discovery since 
1980. Even with the most optimistic re- 
serve figures—such as those from the U.S, 
Geological Survey—oil production would 
peak in about a decade, 
“We now have 6 billion 
people on earth, largely 
because of the green rev- 
olution,” Goodstein says. 
“That revolution consists 
almost entirely of petro- 
leum-based fertilizers.” 
Oil is also important to 
the chemical, pharma- 
ceutical and plastics in- 
dustries. “Whatever fuel 
replaces the missing oil is going to be more 
expensive,” Goodstein explains. “We will 
have a big inflationary episode. That's 
assuming the world stays at peace. More 
likely, we will find it’s in our best interest 


| simply to take someone else's oil. 


SWANATH/ 


What is “constructive possession"? 
Actual | possession means you have drugs 
in your hand or pocket. Constructive 
possession means you have drugs in your 
room, car or safety deposit box. Because 
you have control over the place, cops 
assume the drugs are yours. 
If a police officer wants to search your 
car, do you have to let him? 
No, but he can do it anyway, even without 
a warrant. It's called a vehicular exemption. 
An officer needs a reason to pull you over, 
but that could be anything: He thinks you 
may be drunk, he saw you swerve, your 
taillight is out. Once you've stopped, he 
can look | through the windows. Even if you 
say, "You can't look through my car," he 
can. He just has to go to court and explain 
why he searched. But he 
can't open the trunk unless 
he arrests you. 
| Is it true that if you ask a 
drug dealer if he's an 
_ undercover cop апа he is, 
he has to tell yoi 
No. Officers Ed а to 
lie. They also can say, “Your 
buddy told us everything, 
and he blames you." Cops. 
are not your friends. 


MARGINALI 


FROM A MEMO 

sent to volunteers by the 

Bush-Cheney campaign. 

Earlier, the campaign had asked volun- 
teers to identify 1,600 "friendly" con- 
gregations where Bush supporters 
could meet, prompting the IRS to 
remind both parties that churches that 
endorse candidates risk their tax- 
‘exempt status: “(1) Send your church. 
directory fo your state Bush-Cheney 
104 headquarters or give to a BCO4 
rep. (2) Identify another conservative. 
church in your community that we can 
organize for Bush. (3) Talk to your pas- 
tor about holding a Citizenship Sunday 
and Voter Registration Drive. (4) Hold. 
a ‘Party for the President’ with church. 
members. (5) Talk to your church 
Seniors ог 20- to 30-something group 
about Bush-Cheney.” 


FROM A RESOLUTION offered by 
Dr. J. Chris Hawk Ш of South Carolina 
at the American Medical Association's 
annual convention: "Resolved, that our 
AMA notify physicians that, except in 
emergencies and except as otherwi: 
required by law or other regulation, 

is not unethical to refuse care to plain- 
tiffs’ attorneys and their spouses." 


FROM A COMPLAINT filed by the 
Oklahoma attorney gen- 

eral against Donald 

Thompson, a district. 

judge in Creek 

County: "Judge 

Thompson violat- 

ed these ethical 

canons by his 


penis pump. 

during trials and 

in the presence of court employees. His 
court reporter fist started hearing a 
noise that ‘sounded like a blood- 
pressure cuff being pumped up’ in Sep- 
tember 2000. She saw the judge place 
а pump on his penis ‘maybe 10° times 
during trials. On one occasion, she saw 
the judge holding his penis up and 
shaving undemeath with a disposable 
razor while on the bench." 


FROM A LIST of terrorist groups 
Compiled by the State Department and 
the atiorney general under authority of 
the Patriot Act. Foreign members of 
listed organizations are banned from 
entering the U.S.: Afghan Support. 
Committee, Al Taqwa Trade, Property 
and Industry Company Ltd., Al-Hamati 
Sweets Bakeries, Al-Nur Honey Center, 
Anarchist Faction for Overthrow, Army 
for the Liberation of Rwanda, Commu- 


Antifascist Resistance Group, Interna- 
tional Sikh Youth Federation, Islamic. 
Army of Aden, Islamic Renewal and 
Reform Organization, Japanese Red 
Army, Jerusalem Warriors, Libyan 
Islamic Fighting Group, the Lord's 
Resistance Army, Pentagon Gang, 
(continued on page 59) 


READER RESPONSE 


WHO WILL JOIN THE COURT? 

Edward Lazarus's "Courting Disas- 
ter" (August) mentions the pressure on 
President Bush to appoint a Latino to 
the Supreme Court. Like the appoint- 
ment of Thurgood Marshall in 1967, 
the addition of a Latino would be his- 
toric. But Lazarus didn't discuss what a 
Latino would bring to the Court. No 
justice has consistently made the case 
for Latinos, as Justice Marshall did for 
African Americans, on issues such as the 
history of discrimination against Mexi- 
can Americans in the Southwest, the 
treatment of Puerto Rico as a colony 


A black justice, then a woman. And next? 


and immigration-law reform 

A decision from 2001 illustrates how 
a Latino could make a difference. In 
Alexander y. Sandoval the justices voted 
five to four to reject a challenge by a 
legal Mexican immigrant to force Ala- 
bama to provide driver's license tests in 
Spanish as well as English. A Latino jus- 
tice might approach cases like this with 
greater sensitivity. 

"The views of a Latino could affect the 
views of the other justices, just as Mar- 
shall's did. And a Court that looks more 
like America would be more likely to be 
viewed as impartial. 

As Lazarus suggests, should Presi- 
dent Bush be reelected, he may nomi- 
nate a Latino in an attempt to grease 
the wheels for a relatively painless con- 
firmation. But the failed Court of Ap- 
peals nomination of Miguel Estrada 
demonstrates that a rabidly conserva- 
tive nominee will face opposition what- 
ever his or her race. I'm confident that 
Latinos would not blindly back a nomi- 
nee who would endanger civil rights. 

Alberto Gonzales, now chief White 
House counsel, is a tougher case. Con- 
servative but not ideologically rigid, he 
has ties to the Mexican American com- 


munity in his home state of Texas. 
Latino activists would need to weigh 
whether Gonzales would be that much 
different from the white conservative 
that Bush would likely pick if a Gonza- 
les nomination were to tank. 

Kevin Johnson 

School of Law 

University of California at Davis 

Davis, California 

The writer is a professor of public interest 

lau and Chicano studies and the author of, 
most recently, The Huddled Masses Myth: 
Immigration and Civil Rights. 


A NEW AND IMPROVED FORUM 
The Playboy Forum is so slanted in one 
direction lately that there's no point in 
reading anything but the headlines. 
Hire Michael Moore as a columnist and 
Ann Coulter to counter him. Matt 
Drudge, the greatest living muckraker, 
could shake things up. Andrea Dworkin 
should get space; men could either 
laugh at her or feel like dirt. PLAYBOY is 
smart enough to hire these people. If 
they accepted the jobs, you might have 
something worth reading. 
Christian Holm. 
Livermore, California 


DEATH TO THE DEATH TAX 

So Bill Gates Sr. loves the estate tax 
(“Tax Me, I'm Rich," August). That 
may sound courageous, but given its 
billions, his family isn't losing sleep over 
the fact that the estate tax exists. The 
problem with the tax is simply that it 
taxes money that has already been 
taxed. I pay my debt to our socicty on 
April 15—why should the government 
hit me up again when I die? My wife's 
grandparents built an estate over 50 
years that was worth close to $1.5 mil- 
lion. After estate taxes it was worth less 
than $1 million. What incentive is there 
for anyone to better their lot if the gov- 
ernment is going to take most of it 
away? I say we let those who invest and 
save wisely keep it in the family. Gates 
argues that the tax helps offset deficits. 
But the politicians who create those 
deficits should be responsible, not my 
wife's grandparents. 

Тот Gainer 

Colorado Springs, Colorado 


In his book Wealth and Our Common- 
wealth: Why America Should Tax Accumu- 
lated Fortunes, Bill Gates Sr. credits me 
with reviving the phrase death tax. 
‘Truth be told, President Reagan coined 


the term many years ago. But 1 take 
pride in having hammered it home. A 
tax ought to have a socially redeeming 
value. The estate tax has nonc. Instead 
it tears away at family businesses and 
stymies wealth creation and jobs. If Bill 
Gates Sr., George Soros and Warren 
Buffett want to keep the death tax, 
fine. Make it voluntary and let them 
ay. But don’t preach to others about 
how they should be happy to pay. The 
estate tax needs to die. 
James Martin 
60 Plus Association 
Arlington, Virginia 


MAY I SEE YOUR ID? 

A lot of people ask me why I went to 
jail and took my case all the way to the 
Supreme Court rather than give my 
name to a police officer (Marginalia, 
August). And now that the Court has 
ruled five to four that Americans don't 
have the right not to identify them- 
selves, maybe some think I look foolish. 
But I sull think I did the right thing. 
We're supposed to be free men, able to 
move freely—not stopped at check- 
points. That's part of the Constitution, 
but it's also something you kind of just 
know. If you haven't committed a 
crime, you shouldn't be harassed by the 
police. If they suspect you of some- 
thing, I don't see why they shouldn't 
explain it. In my case I wasn't violent. 
And it was proved later in court that I 


абат 


Fin Че 


if pation on you? 


Hübel is questioned, fram paperspleose.org. 


hadn't committed any crimes. 

1 finished only the eighth grade, but I 
remember what I learned, and it seems 
to me that the idea ofa police officer be- 
ing able to say "Your papers, please" to 
anyone he encounters goes against the 
grain of being American. It's not that 
I'm anti-law enforcement. But I don't 
think we have to take rights away just so 
we can feel safe. 

Larry Dudley Hiibel 
Winnemucca, Nevada 


FORUM 


NEWSFRONT 


The Right to Bear Kids 

NEWPORT, KENTUCKY—A county judge here offers two 
options to deadbeat deds who have more than four 
kids with at least three women and owe $10,000 or 
more: Spend 30 days in jail or get a vasectomy. Of 
the first seven defendants given the option, one 
chose jail, one chose a vasectomy and five wanted 
to think it over. A similar proposition reached the 
Wisconsin Supreme Court in 2001. By a four-to- 
three vote split along gender lines, the justices 
approved an order that a father convicted of refusing 
to pay support for seven of his children by four 
women had to wear a condom during sex for the 
duration of his five-year probation. The three female 
dissenters argued that having kids is a basic liberty 
regardless of one's ability to support them. Earlier 
this year a judge in Monroe County, New York 
ordered a drug-addicted homeless couple with four 
children in foster care to stop making babies or face 
jail. Having offspring is not an inalienable right, she 
said, because it must be balanced against the inter- 
ests of those forced to care for neglected kids. 


Let's Go to the Videotape 


SANTA ANA, CALIFORNA—A 20-minute tape given 
to police showed three teenagers having vaginal 
and oral sex with an unresporsive 16-year-old 
girl. The boys also inserted a pool cue, a glass 
bottle, a juice can and the filter end of a lit cig- 
arette into her vagina and anus. The girl testi- 
fied that a boy geve her a drink, and the next 
thing she remembered was waking up sick and 
sore. Prosecutors charged each teen with 24 
crimes, including rape by intoxication. After a 
two-month trial, the jury deaclocked, with 11 
of the 12 jurors favoring acquittal on the most. 
serious counts. The defense portrayed the girl 
as a habitual liar who aspired to be a porn star 
and had faked being unconscious. The defense 
also accused the police of editing a portion of 
the tape supposedly showing that the girl had 
been willing and suggested that, even if she 
was in a stupor, she was known to like sex, so 
it wasn't unreasonable for the boys to assume. 
she would have given her consent. 


Nudie Patrol 


TORONTO—The Toronto Sun unearthed a memo 
from an embassy official that appears to state 
that foreigners wanting to work as strippers 
must attach nude photos to their visa applica- 
tions. Immigration officials say that's not true 
but that photos do help. They say the idea is to 
protect the women from being exploited by 
making sure they know what they're getting 
into. (Officials also suggest that singers bring. 
tapes and that models have portfolios.) One 
lawyer recalled a Romanian client who was de- 
nied a visa because her photo was only topless. 


Getting Off Easy 


ABERDEEN, MiSsISSIPFI—On at least four occa- 
sions, Ferrell Hunter, a sherifi's deputy, gave 
Joe Stewart, an ettorney, the name of some- 
one he had stopped for drunken driving. Stew- 
art would offer his services, then pay Hunter 
up to $300 to skip the court date so that the 
judge would dismiss the charge. (At the same 
time, the state MADD chapter was honoring 
Hunter for his many DUI arrests.) What was. 
Hunter's punishment for this violation of pub- 
lic trust that may have put dangerous drivers 
back on the road? Probation and a $500 fine. 


Falwell for President 


WASHINGTON, D.c.—An activist group filed a com- 
plaint with the IRS after the Reverend Jerry 
Falwell endorsed President Bush on his min- 
istry's website. Americans United for Separa- 
tion of Church and State says the endorsement 
violates a provision of the tax code that pro- 
hibits churches from being involved in politics. 
Falwell insists the 
message was posted 
not by Jerry Falwell 
Ministries—although 
that name is all over 
the site—but by his 
conservative lobby- 
ing group, the Liberty 
Alliance. Americans 
United filed its first 
complaint with the 
IRS in 1988 against the Reverend Jesse Jack- 
son after he said he planned to pass collection 
plates for his presidential campaign. 


MARGINALIA 


(continued from page 57) 


People Against Gangsterism and Drugs, 
Revival of Islamic Heritage Society 
(excluding the Kuwait office), Revolu- 
tionary Proletarian Nucleus, Riyadus- 


Battalion of Chechen Martyrs, Salafist 
Group for Call and Combat, Special 
Purpose Islamic Regiment, Tunisian 
Combat Group, Turkish Hizballah, 
Ulster Defense Association. 


FROM THE DRAFT of a First 
Amendment textbook by UCLA law 
professor Eugene Volokh; "Within 10 
years there will probably be software 
that can merge photos and voices with 
movies. The most common use of this 
would probably be for pom. Consumers 
would use the program to merge pho- 
tos of celebrities or acquaintances with 
a porn movie to create porn that stars 
whoever it is they lust after. Naturally, 
many people would be unhappy know- 
ing they are depicted in home sex mov- 
ies. Imagine that Congress decides to 
prohibit the distribution of the soft- 
ware. Do you think the law should be 
upheld, and if so, on what grounds?" 


CHAPTER TITLES 
from intimate Issues: 
21 Questions Christian 
Women Ask About 
Sex: (1) What Does 
God Think About 

Sex? (2) How Сап! 
Be Godly and Sen- 
suous? (4) How 
Can I Relate 
When He's a Mi- 
crowave and I'm 
a Crock-Pot? (12) 
How Can | Get Rid 
‚of Guilt Over My Abortion? (16) What's. 
the Big Deal About Orgasm? (18) Are 
Quickies Okay With God? 


FROM EXCLUSIONS in the Ameri- 
cans With Disabilities Act: “For purposes 
of the definition of disability, homosex- 
Uality and bisexuality are not impair- 
ments. The term disability also shall not 
include transvestism, transsexualism, 
pedophilia, exhibitionism, voyeurism, 
gender identity disorders not resulting 
from physical impairments or other 
sexual disorders; compulsive gambling, 
kleptomania сг pyromania; or psy- 
choactive substance-use disorders 
resulting from illegal use of drugs." 


FROM A REPORT by the New York 
University School of Law suggesting. 
reforms for the state legislature, which 
has been called the most dysfunctional 
in the country: “(1) Each member shall 
be limited to introducing 2O bills in the 
Assembly and 30 bills in the Senate in 
each session. (2) All committees shall 
meet biweekly, without exception. (3) 
Members shall receive equal funding 
for operating costs and staff regardless. 
of party affiliation or seniority. (4) A 
vote shall not be recorded for any 
member who is not present in the 
chamber. Members’ attendance and 
vote shall be recorded as public 
record.” Currently, legislators can sign 
in, indicate they want to vote yes on 
every bill that day and leave, 


FORUM 


LAST-MINUTE ELECTION POLL 


NOT THAT ANYONE CARES WHAT YOU THINK 


Dear res pmdent: Please take a few moments to answer the following questions. 
FI Your input will assist the news media to prepare cursory and reductive dispatches 
2 likely to influence voters who have even smaller minds than yours. 


1. | consider myself to be: 
Da Republican 

гаа Democrat 

О utterly insignificant 

О totally screwed 


2. If Congress gives you a tax refund while raising your 
taxes more than the refunded amount, is the refund actu- 
ally a refund? 

Dies, | love refunds 

O Yes, I'm no terrorist 

О Gee, | never thought of that 

Ol don't like doing math 


3. Why are the Democrats such wusses? 

U Irritating desire for everyone to be happy and nice 

A Squeamishness about gun nuts and interrogations 

1 Deep-seated guilt about U.S. status as global badass 

га Didn't send any bright young stars to evil genius school 
inthe 1970s 


4. If you were to pick one issue as a so-called litmus test, 
which would it be? 

O Assault weapons 

O The rules of the BCS 

O The current war in Belgium 

D Uppity womenfolk 


5. I think President Bush has done: 

Da bad job 

Qa shitty job 

О pretty well, unless you count foreign and domestic policy 
J exactly what Jesus would do 


6. Which of the following best characterizes John Kerry's 
presidential run for the roses? 

D He's destined for victory, like Seattle Slew 

о He'll blow it in the end, like Smarty Jones 

О He's the one we'll all wish we had bet on, like Stewball 
О He's the famous Mr. Ed—of course 


7. Kerry won me over when he: 

Û jammed with Moby at a fund-raiser 

О годе his motorcycle onto the set of The Tonight Show 
Û played saxophone on Arsenio Hall 

1 revealed his nipple shield at the Super Bowl 


8. Which of the following describes your particular quixotic 

reactionary stance? 

Olam on a crusade against non-Christians 

3l am on a crusade against crusading Christians 

Ol am on a crusade against those who think Christians 
are crusading 

C) Moderate 


9. Which of the following misstatements is least unlikely to 
influence your decision to vote against President Bush? 

0 George W. Bush wants to legalize gay marriage 

О George W. Bush wants to illegalize gay marriage 

га George W. Bush has declared a “war on gay marriagism” 
О George W. Bush is married to a gay lesbian 


10. It's important to me that our next president have a 
realistic plan for: 
A providing affordable hallucinogenic drugs for the elderly 
© keeping toenail clippers off domestic and 
international flights 
О putting my tax money where it can really help—in the 
pockets of the richest one percent 
О using the chaos in Iraq to set off the entire Middle East 


11. Why is Kerry's war-hero image a bunch of malarkey? 

A Photos show that his haircut was clearly in violation of 
military grooming regulations 

га The men whose lives he saved later smoked marijuana 

O In war, men are but mad dogs in the noonday sun, killed 
by the gods for their sport 

O There was no "Vietnam war" 


12. | am frustrated by the selection of candidates because: 
Zi neither speaks to my concerns as a white supremacist 
O they'd rather trade soundbites than settle this like men, 
with weapons 

О neither is a former movie star or pro athlete 

О both have broken their vows of celibacy 


13. If he fails to win reelection, President Bush will be 

remembered by future generations as; 

3 another casualty of Bill Clinton's reckless womanizing 

La great man whose career was marred only by poor 
decision making 

U misunderappreciated 

O Li'l Nixon 


BY JOSH ROBERTSON 


THIS IS THE FLYING BY THE SEAT OF OUR т | Co 
PANTS, THROW A DART AT A MAP OFTHE A Й хүс, 
WORLD AND GO WHERE IT LANDS LIFE 7 


He Аде М. [BO Proof) 
N: 


12 UNFÜRGETTABLE FILMS. 
31 LED AWARD NOMINATIONS. 


ENDARY FILMMAKER. 


а 


Plus: An Exclusive Preview of the Upcoming Epic 


ALEXANDER in Theaters November 5, 


And 2 New Documentaries for the First Time on DVD. 


Includes Free Adult Movie Pass For ALEXANDER. 


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wies OLIVER STONE 


A candid conversation with the controversial director about enemies, drugs, 
conspiracies, bisexuality and why Alexander the Great was a rock star 


Oliver Stone's movies have been in the news 
as oflen as they have been about the news. 
JFK, Stone's divisive drama about а conspir- 
асу to murder President John E Kennedy, is 
still hotly debated. Only last year, on a tele- 
vision special commemorating the 40th an- 
niversary of the Kennedy assassination, ABC 
News's Peter Jennings noted that a signifi- 
cant number of Americans remain convinced 
of a conspiracy based entirely on Stone's 
movie. Stone has created indelible stories 
about Richard Nixon (in Nixon) and Jim 
Morrison (in The Doors) and tackled the 
American culture of violence in Natural 
Born Killers. His films about the Vietnam 
war—Heaven €? Earth, Platoon and Born 
on the Fourth of July—are inextricably tied 
to the nation’s collective memory of the con- 
flict and the 1960s antiwar movement. 

Recently, Stone turned his attention to 
Cuba, in a pair of documentaries about Fidel 
Castro. “Newspapers can have trouble keep- 
ing up with him," wrote Gary Wills in thc 
Allantic Monthly. And Stone not only helps 
shape—or distort, according to some—history, 
he predicts it. With uncanny prescience, he 
depicted corporate insider-trading scandals 
in Wall Street (1987) and the rise of the 
right-wing media in Talk Radio (1988) years 
before they happened. 

For Stone’s newest, and most ambitious, 


“It's hard to know, but 1 think a movie can 
make a huge difference. JFK helped Clinton 
win. It came out right before the election. 
Salvador and Platoon may have had an im- 
pact on Reagan’s downturn in popularity.” 


movie, the director retreats from modern-day 
controversies, venturing back in time to 356 
to 323 B.C. Stone spent more than a decade 
writing Alexander—the story of Alexander 
the Great—which he filmed at the end of 
2003 in Thailand, Morocco and England. 
In Stone’s hands, even Alexander the Great 
is somehow tied to the current political 
debate. “There are similarities between the 
ambitions of ancient Macedonia under 
Alexander and the United States under 
George Bush,” Stone claims. “They made 
similar journeys into Iraq and Afghanistan. 
And both men, though of entirely different 
character, want to conquer the world.” 

Almost no one is indifferent to Stone. He 
has die-hard fans, and film critics have 
praised many of his movies, Leonard Maltin 
called JFK “a masterful cinematic achieve- 
ment.” Norman Mailer called Nixon “a 
major work by a major artist." And Stone's 
detractors are equally impassioned. Some 
dismiss him as a paranoid nutcase; Time 
magazine dubbed him Mr. Conspiracy. After 
Stone described the September 11 terrorist 
attack on America as “a rebellion against 
globalization, agains! the American шау,” 
journalist Christopher Hitchens called Stone 
“a moral and intellectual idiot.” 

Stone is the only child of a wealthy 
stockbroker father and a French-born 


er 


“Conspiracy nut, leftist, madman. These are 
terms of dismissal so you don't have to listen 
to the argument. It's an ugly way of doing 
business. It would be healthier and more fun 
to hear what someone has to say." 


mother who divorced when he was 15. He 
attended private boys’ schools in New Yor! 
City and in 1965 enrolled at Yale, where 
he was a classmate of George W. Bush’s 
and John Kerry was a few years ahead of 
him. Stone dropped out, joined the mili- 
tary and was sent to Vietnam in 1967 
Twice wounded, he was awarded a Bronze 
Star and a Purple Heart. He returned to 
the U.S. embittered and began writing 
Platoon, an indictment of the war. 

He enrolled at New York University to 
study filmmaking and wrote and directed 
his first movie, Seizure, in 1974. He won. 
his first Oscar, in 1979, for his screenplay 
for Midnight Express. A decade after writ- 
ing Platoon, he finally made the film, 
which was released in 1986. It won the 
Academy Award for best picture, and Stone 
won the best director award. He was also 
nominated that year for a best screen- 
writing Oscar for Salvador. Screenwriting 
nominations for JFK and Nixon followed, 
and he won another best director statue for 
Born on the Fourth of July. 

Al times Stone’s personal life has been as 
controversial as his movies. In 1999 he 
was arrested in Los Angeles for driving 
while under the influence and for posses- 
sion of hashish and other drugs. (He had 
also been arrested in 1968 in Mexico for 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY MIZUNO 


“Arnold Schwarzenegger is what America 
wants. He's got an amazing face. He's got a 
great smile. Unless he really fucks up, he can 
go right to the White House. I'm not sur- 
prised he's governor. 1 like him." 


63 


RIL RT BOY 


possession of marijuana.) Stone entered a 
drug-treatment program in 2000. 
PLAYBOY Contributing Editor David Sheff, 
who last interviewed Google founders Larry 
Page and Sergey Brin for PLAYBOY, met Stone 
in Santa Monica, California, where he was 
editing Alexander. Reports Sheff: "When 1 
arrived at Sione's office for the interview, his 
gorgeous British assistant explained that 
Stone would be late. In the meantime, she 
said, ‘Oliver says you should lie on the floor 
and I should give you a massage." Once we 
began the interview, it was a challenge to 
keep Stone, who sucked on a Cuban cigar 
and drank coffee, focused on any given 
subject. Many conversations returned to his 
obvious concern about American politics. 
Still, it was clear he was enjoying his immer- 
sion in (he pre-Christian time of 
Alexander the Great. ‘Maybe PU 
stay here,” he said, sounding seri- 
ous. 1 may have found a time 
where 1 fit in much better 


PLAYBOY: You're associated with 
so many topical contemporary 
dramas. What inspired you to 
tackle Alexander the Great? 
STONE: I've been interested іп 
him since | was in college. I'd 
always wondered why his story 
had never been dramatized. 
It's one of the most extraordi- 
nary stories in history. Why 
hadn't Shakespeare tried? Why 
hadn't other great playwrights 
or screenwriters? 

PLAYBOY: And what was your 
conclusion? 

STONE: 1 think he scares people 
off because he was so fucking 
successful. There's an inherent 
dislike or fear or distrust of 
somebody who is that much 
bigger than life. It seemed too 
much for a story—the deca- 
dent politics, the outrageous 
ambition, the decadent life- 
style. So 1 struggled with how. 
to make the movie that has. 
eluded everyone. I loved the 
character, but I never thought 
1 would get to do him. 
PLAYBOY: You weren't the only 
director to decide to tackle Alexander's 
story. Mel Gibson was planning a mini- 
series for HBO, and producer Dino De 
Laurentiis and director Baz Luhrmann 
signed Leonardo DiCaprio and Nicole 
Kidman for a version. 

STONE: As far as I know, they've all given 
up, but not before they damaged us. 
PLAYBOY: How did they damage you? 
STONE: We did not get financed in Holly- 
wood. We were rejected there. We got fi- 
nanced in Europe only, and it didn't 
help to have Dino De Laurentiis telling 
his friends in various countries, “Don't 
buy that movie." Without foreign sales 
you're dead in the water. There were a 
lot of shenanigans, and there was a lot of 


64 ugliness. I was called names. I tried to 


stay out of it. I'm not going to be left with 
bad karma on my set. I just stuck to the 
work, and we eventually pulled people 
together and got the movie made. 
PLAYBOY: Could you have made the 
movie without the success of Troy and 
Gladiator? 
STONE: No. Without them the movie 
never would have been made. There was 
new interest in big epics. When Warner 
Bros. finally signed up in the U.S., I 
could go to them and say, "Gentlemen, 
you've got to sign on to our movie. We're 
aking a movie about the son of. 


ma 
Achilles." They were high on Troy, of 
course, and they went for it. 

PLAYBOY: How did you decide to cast 
Colin Farrell as Alexander the Great? 


After September 11 no one would 
speak out. For a while it killed the 
impulse we have for creativity. 


stone: I liked Brad Pitt very much in Toy, 
but like Achilles, his character in the 
movie, he is as mythic as Steve McQueen 
is in The Magnificent Seven. Unreal. From 
the myth, I wanted to find the man. Colin 
was right. He is equally handsome and. 
of a younger generation. It's thrilling to 
watch him as Alexander, who lived up to 
and went beyond the Achilles myth. 
Achilles conquered Troy; Alexander 
went after the world. Colin may well be a 
modern-day Alexander, and Angelina 
Jolie, who is Olympias, is a modern-day 
queen. If we had them, she would be 
queen. She's as strong and determined. 

PLAYBOY: You once said that Alexander 
was a rock star of his time. Were you 
thinking of Jim Morrison of the Doors? 


STONE: Him or others. Like Morrison, 
Alexander ran up against the forces of 
life and surmounted them. 

PLAYBOY: Morrison didn't surmount 
them. He succumbed to them and died 
young. 

STONE: But he accomplished an enor- 
mous amount. Every man reaches and 
falls. Some attain greatness along the 
way. Alexander did, of course. Morri- 
son did. I'm fascinated by all who 
achieve greatness. 

PLAYBOY: You produced a movie about 
the attempted assassination of Ronald 
Reagan. When the former president 
died, were you surprised by the intensity 
of the tributes? 

STONE: It was theater. It was television. 
Parades vith people in baseball 
caps and shorts and ugly T- 
shirts. A hollowness. It's what 
Reagan was all about, He was a 
scary man. I used to have 
nightmares about him, literally. 
Smile, head of hair. He was a 
stage prop, an actor. That's 
what Americans want. They 
want the shell. Look at Arnold. 
PLAYBOY: You've known Schwarz- 
enegger since you wrote the 
script for Conan. Do you keep. 
in touch with him? 

STONE: | see him here and 
there. I like him. 

PLAYBOY: Even as governor? 
STONE: I'm not sure, but he's 
what America wants. I'm not 
surprised he's governor. He's 
got an amazing face. He's got a 
great smile. He has great will- 
power. The guy pulls off amaz- 
ing things with his charisma. 
Unless he really fucks up, he can 
go right to the White House. 
PLAYBOY: How vill he overcome 
the requirement that a presi- 
dent be born in this country? 
STONE: They'll change it for 
him. He's a hell of a lot more 
attractive and sexy than Bush. 
He would be a far better presi- 
dent, too. 

PLAYBOY: Now that you've di- 
rected movies about presidents 
Kennedy and Nixon and produced a 
movie about Reagan, have you consid- 
ered taking on President Bush? 

STONE: It's too soon. You need some his- 
torical perspective. We had to wait 20 
years to do Nixon. As a dramatist, you 
have to wait. Right now Bush is in full 
play. It's not time for a biography. 
PLAYBOY: Would Bush be a good subject 
for a drama? 

STONE: A scary one. He looks like a tiny 
little chamber of commerce guy. In the 
1950s he would have been considered 
distasteful. He's worse than Nixon in 
vulgarity. He looks like he shops at W; 
Mart. That's not what a president is 
supposed to be. He has no intellectual cu- 
riosity and is proud of it. He says his wife 


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does the book thing. He's a liar, hiding. 
behind a shallow and dangerous patrio- 
tis We're number one." “The Ameri- 
can way." It's a Superman comic book 
idea of the world. It covers up the com- 
plicated realities, and it's very dangerous. 
PLAYBOY: After September 11, 9001 you 
spoke out against the president. After 
your statement that America may have 
brought on the type of hatred that led to 
the terrorist attack, journalist Christo- 
pher Hitchens called you an idiot. 
STONE: A moral and intellectual idiot, to be 
exact. In the 1980s I admired Hitchens. 
He was strongly pro-Nicaragua and right 
about it. He seemed very intelligent. 
Since then he has gotten into an extrem 
ist groove. He has become an ideologue. 
I thought it behooved us to understand 
how America's unilateralism, arrogance 
and history of pushing around the rest 
of the world enrages people. Since Iraq, 
the outrage is worse than ever. It’s why 
this election is so damn important. 
PLAYBOY: Did you know Bush when you 
were at Yale together? 

STONE: No, but I met him before he was 
president. He wanted to meet me. 
PLAYBOY: But as a well-known leftist, 
you seem like the last person he would 
want to meet. 

STONE: I don't know why, but he did. 
When we met, he reminded me that 
we'd been in the same class at Yale. I 
said, "But you know, Governor, I didn't 
make it all the way through. I went off to 
Vietnam." He said, "1 had a friend who 
went over there and didn't come bac! 
He looked at me, and it was a moment. 1 
don't think he had much interest in me 
beyond that. He knows how to talk to 
you, though. He's good for a few sec- 
onds. I don't know, maybe this is Oliver 
Stone paranoia, but I felt like he was 
looking through me, like he wished his 
friend had come back instead of me. 1 
felt a whiff of discontent. 
PLAYBOY: John Kerry 
you run into him? 
STONE: When 1 was a freshman, he was a 
senior. He was a big shot. I saw him 
debate, and he was powerful—he looked 
like Lincoln. People said he was 
pompous—that was the rap. He had a 
funereal groove about him, like some 
Dickensian character. He was always too 
old for his years. I remember him in the 
post-Vietnam era, too, and he was very 
somber. Гуе met him a few times since. 
PLAYBOY: What's your opinion of him? 
STONE: There's a fundamental decency 
about him, I think he'd make a good 
president. He's a public servant in the 
Brahmin sense of the word. The guy 
knows his A's, B's and C's. 

PLAYBOY: What's your take on the polls? 
In the end, who will win? 
STONE: I worry that the Republicans will 
do anything to win. For a long time Гуе 
worried that Bush start another war 
before the election to get people fearful. 
Voters are nervous about changing 


at Yale too. Did 


Togo, Toga, Toga 


Not all epics are created equal 


Richard Burton, Claire Bloom, Frederic March 
Plotline: A charismatic fourth century B.C. 
Macedonian prince canquers the world by 
uniting the tribes of Greece against the Per- 
sian empire before dying at the age af 33. 
Toga appeal: Burton wears a Harpo Marx 
wig and drowsily belches out fake Shake- 
spearean speeches for much of the film's 
141 minutes. Did Alexander crush his foes 
by baring them to death? 


Charlton Heston, Stephen Boyd. 

Plotline: A Jewish prince condemned to 
slavery avenges himself on his childhood 
pal, the new Roman tribune. 

Toga appeal: Yau con blame the flick’s 11 
Oscars and brawny box affice—not to 
mention its 212-minute running time—far 
the gargantuan-epics craze that taak aver 
Hallywoad in the late 1950s and spread 
like a mutating virus in the 1960s. 


Kirk Douglas, Laurence Olivier, Tony Curtis 
Plotline: A Thracian slave, forced to be- 
come a gladiatorial killing machine, turns 
on his owners to lead a slave uprising that 
upraats the corrupt Raman republic. 

Toga appeal: Stanley Kubrick's faur-Oscar 
epic is spectacular, especially in thase 
slaves-versus-Raman-saldiers sequences 
punctuated by the battle cry thot achieved 
pop-culture immortality: "I am Spartacus!” 


Elizabeth Toylar, Richard Burton, Rex Harrison 
Plotline: The queen af Egypt seduces the 
Roman emperor in order ta merge their 
kingdams, then becames his widaw and 
beds his mast powerful general before los- 
ing o wor with the new Raman emperor. 
Toga appeal: This four-haur-plus bloat-a- 
thon cost sa much ta make it nearly 
toppled a film studio and killed sin-and- 
sandals epics. Tempararily, at least. 


Russell Crowe, Joaquin Phoenix 
Plotline: A Roman general, enslcved ond 
forced into gladiatarial training by o 
twisted new emperor, returns and becomes 
a hera ta the oppressed. 

Toga appeal: Nifty gladiator scenes, lots 
af scowling from Crowe and CGI- 
enhanced spectacles helped it win five 
Oscars and perform big at Ihe box office, 
triggering the newest wave af epics. 


Brad Pitt, Eric Bano, Orlando Bloom 
Plotline: The obductian af Helen, queen of 
Sparta, by the Trojan prince launches Ihe 
Greek armada against the city af Troy. 
Toga appeal: The thausand-ships-a- 
sailing sequence is cool, bu! the $185 mil- 
lion budget was squandered an a cast that 
spent tao much time buffing up and getting 
slathered in branzer and nat enough time 
with an acting caach. STEPHEN REBELLO 


67 


PLAYBOY 


leadership in the middle of a war. He 
bills himself as Mr. Security, which of 
course he's not. He's Mr. Insecurity. 
Every decision he has made has led to a 
worse military conclusion and a less 
secure nation. He has generated enor- 
mous hatred, and hatred begets violence. 
He shovels up the worst kind of patriotic 
crap. Thirty or 40 years ago, even in the 
1920s, they would have run him out of 
town. Patriotic stuff works occasionally, 
as it did during Joe McCarthy's time, but. 
Bush is overdoing it. 

PLAYBOY: Some critics of Fahrenheit 9/11 
lump Michael Moore and you together, 
charging that you're left-wing loonies 
and conspiracy-theory nuts. 

STONE: That's typical. Rather than look 
at what we say, they try to discredit us. 
I'm glad to be lumped in with such great 
company. We fucking need him. He's be- 
coming a folkloric Mark Twain figure. 
The movie is very powerful. 

PLAYBOY: How much of a difference will 
his movie make in the election? 

STONE: It's hard to know, but I think a 
movie can make a huge difference. JFK 
helped Clinton vin. It came out right be- 
fore the election. Salvador and Platoon 
may have had an impact on Reagan's 
downturn in popularity. Salvador took 
shots at Reagan and led to an early sense 
that the Reagan thing was going to end. 
A month before Platoon, Ollie North got 
booby-trapped. The whole thing turned. 
PLAYBOY: Yet Reagan remained popular. 
STONE: At the time, though, he lost a lot 
of power. He couldn't do as much evil 
"The movies were part of a change in 
sensibilit ies can help evolve con- 
sciousness, as Michael Moore's movies 
have. You risk a lot when you speak out, 
though. That's always been true, but 
more so since September 11. After Sep- 
tember 11 no one would speak out. 
PLAYBOY: You did. 

STONE: And I was pilloried. Most were 
quiet, We all felt the chill. We became so 
cautious that we self-censored. For a 
while it Killed the impulse we have for 
greatness and creativity. 

PLAYBOY: Did you self-censor because of 
fear of reprisals? 

STONE: The fear of rocking the boat, yes. 
We all have it. In school you don't want 
to rock the boat, but at times you have 
to. I had movies shut down, sometimes 
for mysterious reasons. I was never in 
the middle of a storm like Moore is, but 
there were controversies even before 
September 11. Since then, however, they 
can call you unpatriotic if you don't go 
along. If you came out against Vietnam 
they pulled the unpatriotic thing too. It's 
a warped definition of patriotism. A 
patriot cares deeply about this country, 
enough to want it to do right. Michael 
Moore is a great patriot. 

PLAYBOY: If you were to make a new ver- 
sion of Platoon, focusing on Iraq rather 
than Vietnam, how would it be similar? 


68 STONE: I haven't been to Iraq, but from 


the letters home and glimpses of the sol- 
diers, I think it's pretty much the same 
fora young man in Iraq as it was in Viet- 
nam. There's the dilemma about how 
you behave, morally or immorally. Most 
people just follow orders, but some step 
up. The fighting is about the same, 
though the military has gotten better at 
making people more like robots. 
"They're able to control firefights better; 
they move clumps of men more casily. 
But basically its the same strategy as in 
Vietnam. They bring in maximum fire- 
power, vipe out what they can and then 
send in the soldiers to mop up. You blow 
the shit out of everybody and then move 
forward, minimizing your own casual- 
ties. As a result they ve maximized civil- 
ian casualties. Whatever they say about 
precision bombing, it's not that precise. 
"The news triumphs when we take out 
some terrorist, but what about the 3,000 
civilians? Whar difference does it make? 
Why is a baby in a well in Pennsylvania 
more important than 3,000 civilians in 
Iraq? Because it's an American baby? 
War was and is a burcaucratic fuckup. 
Nothing goes right, and everything costs 
twice as much as they say it will. For the 
most part it’s a nightmare and ineffi- 
cient. They said that My Lai was just a 
few bad apples. It wasn't. The system al- 
lows it to happen, just as it did in the 
prison camps in Iraq. One of the great 
things about writing Platoon was that I 
looked deeply into the different reac- 
tions of ordinary boys from every state. 
The boy you thought would be a weasel 
wasn't, and the boy who was a weasel was 
a hero. Then the soldiers came home. I 
fought in Vietnam in 1967 and 1968. 
When we came back here, we were no- 
bodies. Vets live with what the public 
never secs. Here I am again, raving, the 
conspiracy nut. 
PLAYBOY: You're joking, but how do you 
feel about those stereotypes? 
STONE: Conspiracy nut, leftist, madman. 
"These are terms of dismissal so you don't. 
have to listen to the argument. It's an 
ugly way of doing business and not logi- 
cal, either. It would be healthier and, 
frankly, more fun to hear what someone 
has to say. Im just looking at the facts 
and asking questions. Meanwhile, the 
press, which is supposed to ask the ques- 
tions, usually just smiles and nods. Don- 
ald Rumsfeld said the abuses in Iraq are 
un-Amcrican. What the fuck does that 
mean? Does he mean that the rest of the 
world does it and we don't? Yet no one 
challenges him. Another thing that both- 
ers me is that we've created a ball game 
in which unless you're a winner, you're 
seen as a loser. It's a zero-sum game that 
Michael Douglas talked about as Gordon 
Gekko in Wall Street. Why? Why do you 
have to see life that way? It goes to the 
fundamental mind-set of what school- 
children are taught. When I made Born 
on the Fourth of July, Y got to know Ron 
Kovic well. He said he grew up on John 


Wayne in Sands of Iwo Jima, and every- 
thing was black-and-white, good and 
evil, winners and losers. Trying to emu- 
late John Wayne is how he wound up in 
Vietnam, but of course he came to see 
that things are not black-and-white at all. 
Not in war, not ever. America should 
be about many definitions of being a 
winner. America's greatness—what's left 
of it—comes from the fact that we're a 
melting pot. We're Portuguese, Latin, 
French, Chinese, African. We're all 
mutts. It should make us more forgiving 
and tolerant, but instead it has made us 
fearful and arrogant, two sides of the 
same coin. At 18 you arc allowcd to go to 
Iraq and get killed, but you can't get a 
drink in California. Why can you die and 
not fuck? Why can't there be legal 
whorehouses? Why can't there be places 
where kids can have sex safely? Why 
can't we be more honest about sexuality? 
PLAYBOY: Not sure how we got from con- 
spiracies to legal whorehouses, but are 
you advocating them? 

STONE: I'm talking about hypocrisy. 
Our puritanism allows boys to kill and 
be killed but not have sex. It’s ludi- 
crous. Once again we pretend things 
are one way. Alexander lived in a more 
honest time. We go into his bisexuality. 
It may offend some people, but sexual- 
ity in those days was a different thing. 
Pre-Christian morality. Young boys 
were with boys when they wanted to 
be. Sometimes it was physical and 
sometimes platonic. Nonetheless, a 
man was expected to marry. They 
didn't know how heirs were made. At 
the time, many thought sperm itself. 
contained the whole thing and that the 
vagina was merely the receptacle. It 
led them to view women as second- 
class citizens, as baggage carriers. Sex- 
uality wasn't necessarily tied to procre- 
ation and morality, and men were 
allowed to have a homosexual side as 
well as a heterosexual side. 

PLAYBOY: À lot of American men would 
deny that they have a homosexual side. 
STONE: I think if we were allowed the 
freedoms we were promised, we might 
find out more about ourselves than we 
know. Perhaps people would be happier, 
too. Instead of having 14 shotguns, they 
might have an erection. But children are 
taught to be fearful of AIDS, to shy from 
the other sex unless you marry them, to 
repress any natural sexual feelings, not 
to drink, not to fuck, not to dance, not to 
take ecstasy, but to fight in Iraq. They're 
scaring kids to death. Heterosexual and 
homosexual sex can be fun. You don’t 
have to live an antisex, antidope, anti- 
booze, anti-everything life. Let people 
do whatever the fuck they want and stay 
the fuck out and don't ask them about it. 
PLAYBOY: Have you felt a puritanical re- 
action to your movies? 

STONE: I've been shot down for most of 
them. Гуе taken a lot of shots in my Ше. 
PLAYBOY: Undeseryed? 


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STONE: Maybe they were deserved and I 
just never understood. Or maybe if you 
start messing around with Richard 
Nixon or JFK, you have to expect peo- 
ple to attack you. Not only that, if you 
move from Heaven & Earth to JFK to 
Natural Born Killers to an interview with 
Castro, people can't get a take on you. 
Heaven & Earth and Natural Born Killers 
were played at the Paris Film Festival 
back-to-back. What a 180-degree fuck- 
ing turn! One was a Buddhist film about 
pacifism, according to some people, and 
the other is supposedly a violent, insane, 
lurid piece of trash. They can't figure 
you out, and that bothers them. From 
that point on its opinions and gossip. 
PLAYBOY: Why have you swung from 
genre to genre? 

STONE: [ follow whatever motivates me, 
whatever puts the wind in my sails at 
the moment. I have to be zealous about 
a project, because it requires years. You 
have to be consumed by it. Whether it's 
Alexander or U Turn, you give it your all 
Гуе always changed genres. ГИ do a 
film noir and then a sports drama like 
Any Given Sunday. This is the first time 
Гуе done a historical epic. Ideas come 
to me, some people say too fast. Perhaps 
they're right and I have to learn to slow 
down, but age takes care of that anyway. 
I just have to keep going. When I have 
been shut down, Гус found a new way. 
I'm misunderstood and I keep going. I 
was accused of promoting violence. 
Anyone who knows me understands 
that I promote peace. 

PLAYBOY: The accusation that you pro- 
mote violence comes from Natural Born 
Killers. One teenage couple, after watch- 
ing the movie, went on a killing spree. 
STONE: Natural Born Killers was an exper- 
iment. I wanted to make an action film. 
I'd never done a summer movie and 
wanted to. Once I started, I explored 
the idea, and it became about cartoon 
violence. Natural Born Killers is a break- 
through in experimentation. I tried to 
explore the flexibility and elasticity of 
film. I don't think film had ever been 
used like that. The people in the movie 
were cartoon characters. We scraped the 
edges off the behavior perimeters to see 
how far we could go. Correct me if I'm 
wrong, but isn't the definition of satire 
overexaggeration? You can't expect 
everyone to get satire. 

PLAYBOY: Did you feel any guilt over the 
copycat murders? 

STONE: You can't account for every per- 
son in the world. The kid who killed 
John Lennon was reading Catcher in the 
Rye. Is Salinger responsible? Give me a 
break. Anybody who'd kill is psychotic in 
a deeper way and was psychotic before 
they saw a movie. 

PLAYBOY: Writer John Grisham said you 
were responsible in the same way that 
Ford Motor Co. was responsible for the 
deaths caused by its Pintos. 

STONE: He got involved because a per- 


sonal friend of his was killed. He became 
one of those outsize caricatures—in this 
case, American novelist turned vigilante. 
I don't know the guy at all, but he's sull 
gloating. He recently said how glad he is 
that he put a spike into Hollywood. I 
don't know if the films you've scen in the 
past seven or eight years are far better 
than Natural Born Killers, but they cer- 
tainly are violent, some far more violent 
and far more realistically violent. Look 
at Black Hawk Down. 1 think that movie 
has done far more disservice to this 
country than Natural Born Killers. 
PLAYBOY: What disservice? 
STONE: Natural Born Killers is satire, 
whereas movies like Black Hawk Down 
and Saving Private Ryan contribute to an 
aura of patriotic inevitability and an awe 
of the military. 
PLAYBOY: Did the Natural Born Killers con- 
troversy weigh heavily on you? 
STONE: It was an ugly time. I'd just fin- 
ished JFK and was editing Heaven & 
Earth and shooting Natural Born Killers. X 
was going through a divorce. Can you 
imagine what that was like? At the time I 
had two kids. I had an amazingly com- 
plicated life. Yeah, the controversy was 
difficult. I get people so mad. 
PLAYBOY: Even cartoon violence can be 
upsetting. So can conspiracy theories. 
STONE: Let's look at JFK. JFK doesn't say 
the things some people say it does. It's 
very much a hypothesis. It's a philosoph- 
ical inquiry into what is truth, what is re- 
ality. If you look closely at the film, it's 
written precisely with conditional tenses, 
what-ifs. It’s a timeworn method of 
drama. And we put out an entire book 
with footnotes to explain our sources 
We made every effort to be honest, and 
we were raked over the coals. I was in 
Europe, thank God, but Peter Jennings 
took me apart on ABC on the 40th an- 
niversary of the Kennedy assassination. 
PLAYBOY: Do you admit that you are 
conspiracy-minded? 3 
STONE: In Europe everyone is conspiracy- 
minded. They assume that things hap- 
pen behind the scenes in government 
and business. They aren't naive enough 
to believe the evening news and the 
soundbites from politicians. Americans 
want to believe the evening news. They 
want to believe the press conference 
Don't people realize that they've been 
lying to us for years? So they attack 
Michael Moore. They attack me. 
PLAYBOY: Are you immune to the attacks? 
STONE: Sometimes. The reaction to Nat- 
ural Born Killers wounded me. 
PLAYBOY: You were also attacked for that 
movie by the author of the original 
script, Quentin Tarantino. 
STONE: I bought the script from Quentin 
for a lot of money. He accepted the 
money. Nobody forced it down his 
throat. Contrary to what my critics say— 
that I took it away from him and ruined 
it and blah-blah-blah—it had been at the 
(continued on page 148) 


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IN A CITY WITH A HISTORIC NIGHTLIFE TRADITION, WAR AND FANATICISM 
HAVE FORCED BAGHDADIS TO ADJUST TO A WORLD WITHOUT PLEASURE 


BAGHDAD 


_ AFTER HOURS ` 


BY NICOLAS PELHAM 


he Hunting Club is Baghdad's lead- 
ing venue, but it isn't the best place to 


stage a rock concert. Night has fallen 
by the time the Devils take the stage, and 
most ofthe audience have returned to the rel- 
ative safety of their homes. The group, 
dressed in white shirts burtoned up to the col- 
lar, struggles to inject a party mood into the 
near-empty club, which has the lost air of a 
1950s sock hop in an Oklahoma church hall. 
“We're emerging from half a century of hiber- 
nation," my host, Dr. Rikab Alousi, says apol- 
ogetically, harking back to his youth, when 
Iraqi women proudly displayed cleavage. 
Beneath dimmed chandeliers, a few people 
gravitate to the dance floor, first in single-sex 
groups and then more furtively in couples. A 
girl whose black hair falls so seamlessly into 
her black dress the two could be a single 


piece ripples toward her partner. His arms 
are outstretched over her head as if he were 
holding a curtain to screen their would-be 
embrace from onlookers. The girl keeps her 
back to the people seated at the tables and 
swoons in complicity. 

“The good days are on the horizon; the 
days of darkness will pass away," sings Hus- 
sam Rassan, encouraging his audience, 
which sits at tables laden with Black Label 
whiskey and Amstel beer (bortled in Jordan), 
to briefly recapture an age when the Baathists 
kept the mullahs at bay and men retired to 
their clubs to drink whiskey. Iraq was the 
Arab world's largest importer of scorch—the 
real thing, not the fake brands of bromine- 
dye “Johnnie Talker” that flooded the coun- 
try when sanctions restricted imports. “The 
women will be bedecked in jewel pendants 


PHOTOGHATHY BY THORNE ANDERSON 


Hussam Rassan belts out a tune at Baghdad's Hunting Club, the last social refuge of the city's middle class. 


hanging down to their breasts," sings Rassan. 

“That's what we're missing,” cries Alousi, letting his gentlemanly air slip to reveal 
a machismo honed in the trenches during the Iran-Iraq war. “Dancing girls with free- 
flowing hair who shake their breasts.” His tolerant, headscarved wife explains that 
this is their first party in five years. "Our mistake was that we never had a victory 
party to celebrate the fall of Saddam," she says. 

Halfway through the evening, a power outage cuts the revelry short, dumping the 
audience back into a reality in which essential services constantly fail, helicopters fly 
so low that the vibrations trigger car alarms, and police abandon their checkpoints 
soon after dusk, leaving the streets free for insurgents to roam. Alousi hurries home. 

Such is night in today's Baghdad. In a city once unrivaled in the Mideasr in its pursuit 
of pleasure, secular Muslims struggle against fundamentalists to establish some kind of 
normal life. And they're doing it on their own as Americans sit tight in the Green Zone, 
where they too struggle to amuse themselves. Little has rurned our as expected. 

1 first went to Iraq two years ago as a British journalist covering the Middle East 
when Baghdad was an ashen city blighted by Saddam’s secret police and 12 years 
of sanctions. Following the U.S. invasion, 1 took a small apartment on the banks 
of the Tigris with a palm grove for a back garden. It was the sixth Arabic capital I 
would make my home in 16 years, and at the time it was the most welcoming. Peo- 
ple were grateful, if disoriented, to be rid of Saddam. Families like Alousi would 
invite me for evening barbecues at their homes overlooking the lazy Tigris and lec- 
ture me about the old Baghdad—before war, Saddam and the occupation restricted 
fun to enclosures like the Hunting Club. 


Tn the 12th century Ibn Jubair a traveler from Muslim Spain, wrote of two 
Baghdadi virtues: the “polished mirror” of the river Tigris, which wound 
Ê through the city “like a necklace of pearls between two breasts”; and the beauty 


of the city’s women, “so that if God 
does not give protection, there are the 
dangers of love's seductions.” 

‘The Hunting Club is one of the few 
hideaways in Baghdad where Iraqi girls 
and boys can hold hands and look 
glam. Daughters and wives who stayed 
at home, fearful that Saddam's playboy 
son Uday might take a fancy to them, 
are again heading to the club. The bars 
have their TV screens stubbornly fixed 
to sports stations, refusing to ler bul- 
letins of Iraq's relentless bloodshed 
spoil the mood in a capital where most 
days start with the thud of a car bomb. 
Sixteen months after an invasion freed 
them to buy the satellite dishes Saddam 
had banned, Iraqis are too tired to tune 
in to the news. Life was easier when the 
state pulled the wool over their eyes. 

After eight years of trench warfare 
with Iran, Iraqis careered into Kuwait. 
And following their flight from 
Kuwait, they struggled through 12 
years of a global boycort. Liberation 
turned to occupation. And despite the. 
arrival of the world's superpower, Iraq 


has remained a pariah, cut off by com- 
mercial airlines and oil giants too afraid 
to set foot in the country. Immigration 
authorities the world over consider 
Iraqis suspect. Iraqis are always falling 
out of the frying pan and into the fire. 

Yet the current wave of killing, kid- 
napping and crime is small fry compared 
with the murders and mutilations under 
Saddam. Or so says Alousi. 

"Fewer people are getting killed than 
before the war—we just know more 
about it now,” he tells me as we prowl 
the gardens of the Hunting Club in the 
twilight before the Devils come out to 
play. “Before, we couldn't fathom what 
was happening even in a neighboring 
town.” Or, he adds, in his own Baghdad 
borough. After the Iran-Iraq war, Alousi 
eventually found a job as a pathologist in 
a large Baghdad hospital. In those days 
they could tell how fast Saddam's execu- 
tion machinery was churning by the 
number of bodies received at the morgue. 
But then the secret police started to de- 
liver the bodies directly ro families—for 
the cost of the bullet—with the eyes 
removed. “By law, the eyes belonged to 


SOME BAGHDADIS HOPE TO RECAPTURE AN ERA WHEN MEN 
RETIRED TO CLUBS TO DRINK. IRAQ WAS THE ARAB WORLD’S 
LARGEST IMPORTER OF SCOTCH—THE REAL THING, NOT THE 
FAKE BRANDS THAT LATER FLOODED THE COUNTRY. 


After a string of attacks on purveyors of alcohol, Baghdad liquor-store 
owners have had to take steps to protect their customers. 


years at the helm, with his face imprinted on every wall and in every consciousness, 
Saddam had cloned the country in his own image. He was the personification of 
Iraq. Maybe the singer was right. 

I remember chiding my driver, Samir, a diminutive, moody man in his mid-50s, 
when he arrived for work unusually cheerful, bragging that he had beaten and 
divorced his wife and expelled his eldest son from his home. Admittedly, it would have 
been quite a feat; his towering wife is twice his weight, and his son ripples with mus- 
cles from working out. Eventually Samir confessed it was humbug. “People have to 
know I'm still head of the household," he said, a wizard of Oz with his curtain down. 

175 about honor, says Alousi, when Task why Iraq didn’t set up a truth and recon- 
ciliation committee to exorcise itself of the past traumas, psychoses and guilt. “What 

matters is less the reality than the appear- 
ance of normality.” Which was why, he 
says, so many families complied with 
Saddam's ban on mourning for loved 
ones killed by the state. It helped hide 
their powerlessness. 


the hospitals for research,” explains 
Alousi. “We knew it had been a bloody 
month by the high cornea count.” 
“Why are you not like other coun- 
tries?” laments singer Rassan, who has 
switched from optimism back to melan 
choly. “Why are your children swimming 
in pools of blood? Why are all our homes 
burdened by funerals?” They are ques- 
tions that plague Iraqis. The previous 
regime and the current insurgents like to. 
blame forcigners —America, Iran, Syria, 
Israel—for their suffering. But what if 
something in the Iraqi character itself is 
to blame? Rassan has his own answer: 
“The problem is not the homeland; the 
problem is the prison guard," he replies 
in verse, spitting out the Arabic for 
jailer, sajjan, as if pronouncing Saddam. 
Alousi finds the answer a cop-out. 
“I's easier to blame other people for 
your misery than a whole society,” he 
says, referring to the trial of Saddam and 
his 11 disciples as if all the sins of the 
past rested on their shoulders alone. Yer 
Iraqis are fond of saying that instead of 
one Saddam. they now havethousandsot 
mini Saddams with his megalomaniacal, 
murderous zeal for power. After 35 


The last time Iraqis really raved was 
1,200 years ago under the caliph Haroun al-Rashid, or Aaron the Upright. From his 
throne in Baghdad, he ruled the world’s superpower, lording over an empire that 
reached from the Atlantic to Afghanistan. Today the overlord is better known for his 
exploits in bed. Accounts of his majesty fill the pages of One Thousand and One 
Nights, depicting a time when erotica was part of the rich tapestry of Islamic tradition. 

Nothing bur the odd tumbledown minaret has survived the centuries of brutal- 
ism that followed, from the caliph through Saddam. But that has not stopped Saad 
Janabi from dreaming of a revival. “I want to bring back the beautiful nights, the 
parties and the new clothes,” says Janabi, the Hugh Hefner of Iraq, outlining the 
manifesto for his campaign to be Iraq's president come January. 

In pursuit of such nocturnal delights, Baghdad's playboy has remodeled three of Sad- 
dam's family’s riverside pleasure palaces and filled them with Iraq's hottest dancers and 


A gypsy prostitute in Nahawan, with her nephew. 


75 


z q 
LED 


Left: Even in the middle of the madness, nightlife goes on. A young couple has dinner in July in Baghdad's Zeyuna district. 


actresses. When he gor the palaces (quite how is a mystery; many land-grabbers sur- 
faced in the anarchy that followed the war), the buildings were wrecks. What American 
missiles failed to demolish, vandals had ransacked. But over the past five months, Jan- 
abi has painstakingly transformed the ruins, converting two into a grandiose head- 
quarters for a 21st century television company named Rashid after his favorite caliph. 

Much of Janabi's media experience comes from America, where he lived in exile 
for eight years with his American wife—a Republican mayor—from whom he is now 
estranged. He is a touchy-feely politician and addresses all Westerners as "buddy." 
Where its namesake ruled the land, says Janabi, his media empire will rule the air- 
waves that rule men's minds. For a price tag of $7.5 million, he has decked his 
studios in Italian marble hewn in Mosul. The lights are finished in gold leaf, and a 
half-completed gazebo adorns the garden, where Janabi plans to film an aerobics 
show. Two golden eagles perch over a central atrium crafted with a mosaic of pre- 
cious stones. Even the doorknobs—which come from Syria—have been designed to 
mimic the breastlike archways that filled his caliph’s Baghdad. 

The palace has seen such pleasure before. Janabi's predecessor, Saddam’s son 
Qusay, had a tiled painting of bare-breasted muses installed; it defied the looters’ 
efforts to pilfer it and now lies cracked on a balcony wall. Janabi once quarreled 
with Qusay over revenue from a cigarette business he ran in Iraq and says he is 
unsure whether the painting accords with his tastes. In the meantime he has com- 
missioned a fresco of Caliph Haroun al-Rashid topped with a phallic turban and 
eyeing semi-clad dancing girls at the foot of his throne. 

“That's me, buddy,” he says, pointing to a sketch of the caliph held by the artist, 
before he leads the way to his latter-day harem of dancers, singers and would-be Jane 
Fondas for his aerobics show. “It’s better to shoot movies than people, no?” 

Fearful thar not all might agree, Janabi has rebuilt the bombed palace walls higher 
than the Qusay originals and crafted vast iron gates to hide his dream Iraq from 
intruders. Gone are the anything-goes days thar followed the American invasion, 
when bootleggers set up Budweiser stands on Baghdad's thoroughfares and com- 


Right: Sergeant Tony Dale of Cody, Wyoming ropes a wooden steer outside his barracks in the protected Green Zone. 


munists returning from exile held public 
unveiling ceremonies in which women 
would strip off their headscarves. To 
avoid assassination (he has survived 
four attempts already), Janabi zooms by 
speedboat along the untraveled Tigris 
that winds through the city, jetting be- 
tween his three palaces. Gunmen in sun- 
glasses guard the launches, and a 45- 
minute car journey is replaced by five 
minutes on the water. 

On my first visit, I feel as if 1 were 
straying onto a Dr. No set. Janabi's plea- 
sure gardens are bedecked with pavil- 
ions, swimming pools and two stables of 
Rolls-Royces and other vintage cars. An 
Excalibur sedan bears the license plate 
BAGHDAD 1. Janabi says he brought them 
all from Dubai after the U.S. invasion, 
when Iraqis still dreamed of better times. 
The cars lie like caged tigers, unable to 
risk a spin on the roads. 

Bur despite the mayhem beyond his 
grounds, Janabi has nor yet abandoned 
his boyish optimism, a trait he must have 
acquired during his American exile. He 
spends much of his time planning gath- 
erings for his political party, the Iraqi 
Republican — (continued on page 163) 


Left: Iraqi men smoke water pipes and play dominoes along the banks of the Tigris. Right: The security chief for Saad 
Janabi, would-be leader of traq, pilots his boat on the Tigris, across from Uday Hussein’s former palace. 


“I don't know what to do. Ted likes it shaved and 
Martin likes it fluffy." 


„American 


Beauty 


Miss United States 
Teen is Oregon's 
crowned jewel 


7/2 ari Ann Peniche, the reigning 
ر‎ Miss United States Teen, would 
like to dispel a few misconcep- 
) tions about beauty queens. “Most 
Nes J ofthe girls I competed with are 
beautiful" she says, "but they're also smart, 
talented and driven." Growing up, Kari Ann 
was a cheerleader, a model and an athlete 
before she set her sights on the tiara. “I was the 
only girl on the boys’ varsity soccer team,” she 
says. "One day I came home and announced, 
‘I'm doing a pageant next week.’ My family 
was shocked.” Kari Ann's penchant for diver- 
sity means her post-pageant life will revolve 
around premed classes, singing and acting 
after she passes the crown in November. “My 
dad was an entertainer, and I used to go to his 
sound checks. I always wanted to be a singer. 
I'm recording a rock CD.” Not surprisingly, 
this too-good-to-be-true winner volunteers 
with Alzheimer’s patients in her spare time. 
“They have cooler stories than we do,” she says. 
When it comes to guys, she’s attracted to those 
who are as ambitious as she is. “I want a 
boyfriend to work on his own projects instead 
of saying, “Why can't we just hang out?’ I’m so 
focused on my goals.” If you haven't seen Kari 
Ann shaking her pom-poms as a cheerleader in 
the science fiction flick Species IIT, or opposite 
Ray Romano and Burt Reynolds in the comedy 
Grilled, you're missing out. "In Grilled I play a 
"special gift” for someone during a bar mitz- 
vah,” she says. And here she is, unwrapped. 


Kori Ann held Miss Oregon United States Teen ond Miss 
Oregon Teen USA titles before becoming Miss United 
States Teen 2003. The 20-yeor-old now lives in L.A. 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY STEPHEN WAYDA 


“I like hanging out with both guys ond girls becouse they can bring different elements to the toble,” soys Kari Ann. "I om definitely a 
tomboy, but | am forever a girl. | was olways into hiking, rock climbing, biking and other outdoor activities, but | did pageants and 
cheerleading, too. | can put on high heels ond o dress when I need to—or slip out of them for PLAYBOY.” 83 


ES 


St Mark’s Day 


Filth, food and fornication. Just a typical bug’s life 
Fiction by Rod Liddle 


risha and the kids are off at Flyworld*—"400 Square Feet of 

le Shit,” as the brochures proclaim, It's something of a tradi- 
tion for those of our lineage round about St. Mark's Day, 

April 25, when there's a palpable warming of the breeze 
outside and the not too distant smell of summer hanging above the 
lawn and the blackthorn hedgerows and the lime trees. Maybe I'll 
join them later—though, then again, maybe not, because recently it 
feels as if I've become immune to all the quote excitement unquote 
of being around so many similarly fervid buzzing bodies, the frantic 
diving and scrabbling and vomiting, the clamor and the rapacious 
fucking and the occasional violent sideshows as everyone gets a 


ILLUSTRATION BY OAVE McKEON 


PLAYBOY 


86 


little too stoked up and overheated 
and tempers boil over. I think, reader, 
you know what I mean. You've been 
there. The sinister ichneumons are 
always around too, looking for hosts 
for their hideous children, which is 
one reason you never find our more 
genteel, civilized brethren—the moths 
and the butterflies—taking time out at 
Flyworld®. Plus, those guys are not 
mad on shit, anyway. 

Anyway, this is why I’m here now, 
thinking things over, just circling the 
light in the living room. And there is 
work to be done, a few little odds and 
ends to be tidied up with everybody 
safely out of the house. 

Without me to keep watch, I reckon 
‘Trisha will lose a good five or so of our 
27 benighted offspring, and the truth 
is we rowed this morning—me saying, 
Look, why make the effort. It's Fly- 
world—no ®—in here: There's shit 
everywhere you look, they've just had a 
fucking baby, and the human stan- 
dards of cleanliness and hygiene have 
been forgotten, albeit maybe temporar- 
ily. And Trish waggles her pretty scape 
sadly and says, It's not the shit; that's 
not the point. It's a day out, it's a family 
thing, when did you get to be so fuck- 
ing joyless, Clive—look at the kids, all 
of them, buzzing around by the win- 
dow, they're desperate to go. 

And indeed little Jermaine and Bry- 
опу and poor, dumb Edmund, the runt- 
jest of runts, are flying headfirst at the 
glass, trying to pulverize their way 
through, bang bang bang bang they go, 
and they're young and stupid and 
know nothing, and 1 rate their chances 
of surviving Flyworld® about one in 20 
absolute tops, and Edmund one in a 
hundred, but Trisha is resolute and 
there's this horrible, debilitating, acri- 
monious exchange between the two of 
us and then a dangerous silence before 
they all file out shrieking with glee 
through the ventilation grill behind the 
gas boiler, and the house is quiet. 

What gets the kids going, apart from 
the promise of all that glorious shit, is 
the chance to see the St. Mark's flies 
make their first appearance. According 
to our popular mythology, the laws of 
physics preclude a creature as ungainly 
and heavy and inept as the St. Mark's 
from achicving any sort of flight. That 
cumbersome black undercarriage and 
the two pairs of elongated, limp tarsi 
and a pair of flaccid palps should by 
rights drag them back down to earth 
and thus to evolutionary annihilation. 
And in fact they dont fly too well and 
rarely climb higher than a bed of net- 
tles, and you watch them and think, 
Right, any moment now, nemesisin the 
form of an avian predator, a robin or a 
thrush, or maybe just gravity, will strike 
and that's it for the St. Mark's flies for 


another year. But somehow the St. 
Mark's flies get by. 

The kids are avid to watch all this and 
have been pretending to be St. Mark's 
allaround the house, plummeting from 
the arm of the sofa to the carpet and 
giggling, and now they want to see the 
real thing, knowing that this will most 
likely be their only chance to do so. 

And I think they hope maybe to 
strike up some sort of conversation, 
too, or ask for autographs, and that's 
okay because the St. Mark's are easy- 
going, self-effacing and approachable, 
which is more than can be said for most 
of the multitudes of kith, kin and mor- 
tal enemy spinning out their cheap 
holidays at the frantic, tawdry hedo- 
nism of Flyworld®, with the barkers 
and the colored balloons. 

Here's a thing, though. Trisha and 
me, we met at Flyworld® during the last 
desperate whirl of bacchanalia just 
before the big autumn sleep. There she 
was, just inside the gates, this vision, 
dancing in the air surrounded by a vir- 
tual swarm of swooning, just-hatched 
stone flies with their soft and frankly 
hopeless gossamer wings and Trisha 


Silverfish slither around the 
goopy mess beside the sink; 
black beetles and cockroaches 
hide beneath the stove. 


spinning above and around them in this 
peculiarly elegant ellipse or maybe a 
trapezoid, which later became so famil- 
jar and then, in the end, unaccountably 
irritating to me. Lust-drunk, we flew 
straight back to my house, and the kids 
were set down to mature in a large piece 
of unsmoked bacon that had fallen 
down to ripen behind the refrigerator. 
Hell, those were heady days, believe me! 

And maybe remembering our first 
meeting was behind some of the fury 
this morning. She thinks I've become 
too comfortable, too attuned to and ob- 
sessed with the rhythm of this house, its 
frequent, dangerous interlopers and the 
worry and irritation of a burgeoning 
arachnid population—much worse since 
the new baby arrived—and of course the 
life cycle of our own dear, kind hosts. 
“The mewling baby has meant a glut of 
food and new breeding opportunities 
(which, for some reason, I feel disin- 
clined to take advantage of—tiredness, 
maybe). But you can't argue that it 
hasn't made for a comparatively easy 
life, the new arrival. However, problem 
is, the change in our circumstances has 
not gone unnoticed outside and under- 


neath, either. The various baby smells 
stretch down the block and around the 
corner, and every day brings a plethora 
of grimly opportunistic visitors, usually 
nothing more threatening than educa- 
tionally subnormal bluebottles, who, 
bereft of wit, fly straight into the myriad 
of spiderwebs that now festoon each cor- 
ner of the kitchen and living room and 
connecting hallway, or maybe occasion- 
ally a sluggish early wasp from the big 
nest in the attic, fooled into an early 
summer by the fact that the heating is on 
full blast all the fucking time. No, stupid, 
it's not July. Wasps are so gullible. When 
it comes down to it, they're just glam- 
orous, dumb ants. 

But it's the stuff at floor level that has 
gotten more worrying. Silverfish slith- 
er around the gloopy mess beside the 
sink; black beetles and cockroaches 
hide beneath the stove. Black ants 
scurry around the slatternly melamine 
work surfaces in search of powdered 
baby milk and spilled sugar. And even 
those fucking weird things from the 
damp gray earth beneath a stone, dev- 
il's coach-horses, have colonized the 
cool and musty pantry. I try to explain 
to these enormous, stinking creatures, 
in words of one syllable, that there's 
nothing for them here, just shit, so 
leave, guys—do yourselves a favor, 
make for the garden. But the coach- 
horses can sniff a slug from 40 paces, 
and I can't disguise from them the glis- 
tening, bejeweled trails leading hap- 
hazardly from the front door to the 
cellar and the kitchen, and the coach- 
horses just wave their fat tails at me 
and say in that coarse, primitive lin- 
gua franca of the garden, “Minda 
your owna fucking business, mosca, 
shadduppa you fucking face.” 

And apart from the new spiders, 
which make even the most elementary 
navigation of our home a tricky busi- 
ness—especially the frankly fucking 
terrifying Tegenaria gigantea now i 
stalled in a crumbling plaster crevice 
to the left of the kitchen window, 
growling and slavering and uttering 
dire threats and imprecations while 
nimbly skittering across its deadly, 
cloying web or sometimes just sitting 
there, waiting, waiting, its face con- 
torted in a rictus of evil—things are 
changing with the humans, too, and I 
mean more than just the rather mun- 
dane advent of a human infant. 

Thing is, there is a suspicion of en- 
tropy in the air. More than a suspi- 
cion, in fact. 

Hell, 1 mean, we're all grateful for 
the mess, for the patent lack of energy 
to go that inch or two farther and 
sweep up the bread crumbs. Heaven, 
after all, is a slovenly house. But there 
are issues with the humans, bad issues. 


(continued on page 160) 


"Who wants to go for a pony ride... ?" 


vi 


ва 


o 


ake a good look at this yacht, the 123-foot Caprice, 

and imagine yourself aboard, cruising the Bahamas. 

At sunset, you recline with your beautifully bronzed 
Companion in the Jacuzzi on the teak-lined fly deck. Af- 
terward, you head to the salon and lean on the bar, staring 
out at the glittering turrets of the Paradise Island mega- 
resort Atlantis (pictured). Sure, the hotel is jammed with 
tourists and screaming kids, but from the comfort of the 
Caprice and the lulling sea, it looks enchanting. Hungry? 
The chef is laying out a spread of prawns and lobsters on 
the dining room table, which is carved from rare tiger's- 
eye maple. Up for a movie? All four cabins (the boat 
sleeps eight, plus a crew of six) have TVs and VCRs. Yes- 
terday you were buzzing along the pink-sand beaches of 
Eleuthera on a WaveRunner. Tomorrow Captain Chuck 


‘Limroth is taking you shark diving off Andros. 


Get the picture? The sea is the greatest playground on— — 


earth. No one has learned this more than today's celel 
ties, who have discovered they can turna giant yacht into 
the world's most exclusive club. These penthouses with 
propellers have enticed such notoriously big spenders as 
Sean Combs, who rented the Southern Cross III off the 
Cote d'Azur for 10 days for $400,000. Oracle CEO Larry 
Ellison recently cashed in his 244-foot Katana for $68 mil- 
lion and is awaiting delivery of a 460-foot behemoth. No 
wonder yacht brokers are in a frenzy, trying to outdo each 
other with one amazing ship after another. The four boats 
profiled һеге аге up for charter—or for purchase if you 
have the cash. (For the Caprice, contact Camper & Nichol- 
sons at cnconnect.com.) Prepare to set sail. 


PHOTOGRAPH BY JERRY WISZATYCHI AVATAR PRODUCTIONS 


DREAM 
EMO A T'S 


Your ship just came in? Here are four of the 


world's finest yachts for charter or purchase 


BY JASON HARPER 


— 4 CAPRICE . 


^ CHARTER: $42,500 A WEEK 
“2 WHERE: BAHAMAS 

BUY: $Z-MILLION 

a 


Of all the yachts out there, the S/ipstream is the one most 
likely to be owned by a villain in a OO7 film. The unique 
black hull and silver superstructure 
whisper of sex, speed and danger. 
And among the world's new It 
spots, the Adriatic coastline of 
Croatia is the ideal backdrop 
for villainous escapades. The 
Dalmatian riviera is a string 
of 1,200 mostly unblem- 
ished islands that were off- 
limits 10 years ago because 
of the war. Today the re- 
gion’s future is as clear as its 
azure waters, and the 143- 
foot Slipstream is your ticket 
to traveling first-class. The ship's 
British captain, Phil Stevens, de- 
scribes the area as a closely guarded 
Secret, but of course he's got the inside edge. 
On boarding this vessel, you notice that the most striking 


CHARTER: $126,000 A WEEK 
WHERE: MEDITERRANEAN, 
CARIBBEAN, INDIAN OCEAN 
BUY: $20 MILLION 


element is the interior—the very definition of modern nau- 
tical luxury, with unfussy furnishings of lacquered metal, 
rich neutral fabrics and sharp, clean lines. Amenities include 
the de rigueur Jacuzzi, a gym, two water-jet craft (18 and 
15 feet), three double and two twin cabins (which sleep 10, 
not including the nine-member crew), TVs and DVD play- 
ers in each cabin, a cinema with a projection screen, and 
three dining areas (one formal indoor room and two 
alfresco setups). And speaking of food, the yacht's French 
chef, Gilles Camilleri, has overseen Michelin-rated restau- 
rants, naturally. He specializes in the cuisine of Provence. 

There you are, anchored off Hvar, a small island known 
for its limber beauties and white pebble beaches. Imagine 
Ibiza before the lager louts or St. Barts before the atti- 
tude. You're sitting in a restaurant with an eye toward the 
Slipstream bobbing off the port as you eat the local spe- 
cialty of squid-ink risotto in the company of a beautiful, 
bizarrely named henchwoman, your partner in crime. 
Could life get any better? Sure—keep reading. As for the 
Slipstream, the British yacht company Nigel Burgess han- 
dles charters. Info at nigelburgess.com. 


CHARTER: $165,000 A WEEK 
WHERE: WINTER, CARIBBEAN; 
SUMMER, MEDITERRANEAN 
BUY: $24 MILLION 


If he who dies with the most toys wins, the 
150-foot yacht Seahawk puts you on Saint 
Peter's VIP list. Cruising the Caribbean 
around pristine tropical islands—Petite 
Bateau and Petite Rameau in the Tobago 
Cays, for example—the Seahawk has the 
37-foot motorboat /ntrepid in tow for day 
expeditions. The big ship's toy chest also 
includes a speedy 17-foot Zodiac, two 
three-man AquaTrax, scuba and fishing 
equipment, kayaks, wakeboards, water 
skis, bicycles and two hot tubs. Not to 
mention the gadgetry strewn throughout 
the boat's five cabins (they sleep 1O guests), 
dining room, sky lounge and study: high- 
end sound systems, TVs and DVD players, 
satellite phones, a fax machine and any- 
thing else you could possibly need or want. 
Combine all that with luxe interiors that 
resemble something out of an English 
manor and you have the makings of a per- 
fect experience on the high seas. 

As for food, chef Troy Davidson used to 
head the kitchen at a five-star resort in 
New Zealand. Now his job is to focus on 
just the 10 of you. You can eat in the formal 
dining room (pictured top left) or outside 
on the aft main deck, a great sunset spot. 
While you savor fresh tuna with a bottle of 
chilled Burgundy, Captain Dean Maggio. a 
veteran seaman with a nose for dive spots 
and finding fun, makes an appearance. 

Tomorrow, he suggests, would be 
a good day to explore the 
awesome coral reefs off the 


island of Canouan. You've 
never heard of it. You 
can't wait. Ready to go? 
Contact Fraser Yachts 
at fraseryachts.com for 
all the info. 


CHARTER: $320.000 A WEEK 
WHERE: WINTER, CARIBBEAN; 
SUMMER, MEDITERRANEAN 
BUY: $50 MILLION 


St.-Tropez is full of big rollers. But when you dominate the 
storied Mediterranean port in the four-deck, 205-foot 
Apogee, the glitterati will be put on notice: There's a new 
player in town. Forget having to party onshore with the 
hoi polloi who try to push past the imperious doormen at 
Les Caves du Roy nightclub. You're floating on the most 
decadent club in Europe. With three full bars, the Apogee 
might have been more Rick James than 5ean Connery if 
it weren't for the bright polished wood, stately columns 
and elegant circular staircase. The Apogee is also the 
most powerful of the boats we're featuring, with 
5,000 horsepower in the engine room. This 
boat is made for rocking. 

You can stert the day by taking your 24- 
foot tender to Bouillabaisse Beach, where 
you'll comb the topless Brigitte Bardots 
to prepare the evening's guest list. 
Spend the afternoon in the Jacuzzi on 
the Apogee's top deck, which, like the 
ship itself, accommodates 12. Later 
you'll hit the aft bridge deck fora sunset 


dinner (pictured below) prepared by the chef. But once the 
guests start arriving by dinghy, you'll head for the sky 
lounge. With a 26-foot onyx-topped bar inspired by one at 
Miami's Delano hotel, and mirrors behind the bar that slide 
open to give you a sea view, this room sets a new standard 
Once the drinks start flowing and the dance floor fills, who 
knows who'll end up swinging around the 15-foot stripper's 
pole? It just might be you. 

When you wake in the morning, you'll slip from the em- 
brace of your 700-count cotton sheets, and the elevator 
will usher you to the sun deck's air-conditioned 
gym. Nary a drop of sweat will hit the floor, 
however, as the crew won't allow it. Wimble- 
don's ball boys don't move this quickly. As 
Sara Montefiore of the charter company 
Camper & Nicholsons (cnconnect.com) 
puts it, "We believe our service should 
be far superior to a five-star hotel's. In 
the Apogee's case, the crew-to-guest 
ratio is 17 to 12. The crew is for you, end 

for that week you own that yacht." 


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“Tue got this awful feeling we took the wrong boat!" 


OLY W/ 


IT’S EASY 
TO RECOGNIZE 
RELIGIOUS 


aimlessness, buffoonery, business failures and excessive drinking. Redemption and 
transformation through his commitment to Jesus made him a man and a leader. 

His parents are conventional Episcopalians, and for a while young George had 
conventionally attended the Presbyterian church in Midland, Texas. Marriage and 
Laura involved him with the Methodists. But he missed something, as he said, “on the 
inside.” Inthe summer of 1985, while visiting his parents in Kennebunkport, George 
W. rook his famous walk along the rugged Maine shore with Billy Graham. “Are you 
right with God?” Graham asked. “No,” Bush answered, “but I want to be.” 

“That weekend,” Bush later recalled, “my faith took on new meaning. It was the 
beginning of a new walk where I would recommit my heart to Jesus Christ." He was 


born-again, and he gave up drinking, smoking and tobacco chewing. Returning to 


FAINTING BY JOHN THOMPSON 


96 


Midland, he joined a men’s community Bible-study group 
devored to intensive reading of scriprure. When his father 
ran for president in 1988, young George served as an infor- 
mal liaison with the religious right. Subsequently turning to 
politics, he was elected governor of Texas. By this time he 
was a regular reader of the Bible and enjoyed a personal 
relationship with his savior. He was a great believer in the 
power of prayer. At a White House receprion he said, “Our 
country has been delivered from many serious evils and 
wrongs because of that prayer." 

In 1999 he decided to run for president himself. Asked on 
television about his favorite philosopher, he replied, 
"Christ, because he changed my heart." As his religiosity 
gained confidence, he said to members of the Southern Bap- 
tist Convention, “I believe that God wants me to be presi- 
dent.” To a Houston minister he said, “I believe 1 am called 
to run for the presidency." Working through the Supreme 
Court of the United States, the Almighty delivered the White 
House to George W. Bush in 2000. 

President Bush now finds himself a born-again Christian 
locked in a struggle with a radical Muslim leader. Neither 
can be said to represent the whole West or the whole Mid- 
dle East, and of course there is a world of difference be- 
tween Protestant and Muslim fundamentalism. Bur in a 
way, President Bush is fighting a holy war predicated on his 
religious convictions, much as Osama bin Laden fights for 
his fanatical interpretation of the creed of Muhammad. 
According to the appreciative book by Peter and Rochelle 
Schweizer, The Bushes: Portrait of a Dynasty, a family 
member said, “George sees this as a religious war. His view 
of this is that they are trying to kill the Christians. And we 
Christians will strike back with more force and more feroc- 
ity than they will ever know.” 


merican presidents are routinely God-fearing and 

God-invoking, but they have rarely asked for divine 

guidance on secular issues. The framers omitted the 
word God from the Constitution. During the Civil War, a 
convention of Protestant ministers, led by the redoubtable 
Horace Bushnell, drafted an amendment that repaired the 
omission by inserting “Almighty God” and “the Lord Jesus 
Christ.” But President Lincoln declined to back the Christ- 
ian Amendment. 

Few among the framers were born-again. Nor did the 
men who drafted the Constitution conceive of the president 
as a religious or even a spiritual leader. Of our first three 
presidents, Washington was a nominal Anglican who did 
not stay for communion, John Adams was a Unitarian 
(whom strict Trinitarians spurned as heretics), and Jeffer- 
son—denounced as an atheist—was actually a deist who 
produced an edited version of the New Testament with the 
miracles climinated. 

In the 19th century, all presidents of course professed be- 
lief in a heavenly father, though religion did not occupy a 
major presence in their lives. Lincoln was the great excep- 
tion, and even he protected the Constitution from sectarian 
amendments. Nor did our early presidents exploit their reli- 
gion for political bencfir. “I would rather be defeated,” said 
James A. Garfield, “than make capital our of my religion.” 

Many 19th century vorers did not much care whether 
politicians were men of faith. James G. Blaine, for example, 
picked Colonel Robert G. Ingersoll, “the great agnostic” 
and a famed critic of religion, to nominate Blaine at the 
1876 Republican convention. A 21st century equivalent of 
Colonel Ingersoll would be hissed off the platform ar 
Republican conventions today. 

There have been presidents of ardent faith in the 20th 
century. Woodrow Wilson had no doubt that God had 
anointed the United States—and himself—for the salvation 
of suffering humanity. Jimmy (continued on page 142) 


APOCALYPSE NOW 


peculiar brand of Christian funda- 

mentalism has invaded mainstream 

‚America. It's called premillennial 
dispensationalism, and it’s influencing а 
Republican leader ncar you. 

The idea behind this movement is that, 
sometime soon, certain chosen Christians 
will be bodily raptured into heaven, leav- 
ing behind their clothing, jewelry and 
false teeth. The rest of us will suffer the 
ravages of a tribulation period foretold in 
the Book of Revelation: demon locusts; 
boiling seas; a great rain of hail, fire and 
blood; and plenty of lewd behavior by 
minions of the Antichrist. After seven years—and following the 
conversion of 144,000 Jewish “witnesses” to Christianity—Jesus 
will return to earth and, in a battle north of Jerusalem on the 
plains of Megiddo, slaughter the remaining nonbelicvers, includ- 
ing the rest of thc Jews. 

Tes an unforgiving scenario. Neither the sinless Methodist nor 
the most saintly Catholic (or Muslim or atheist) will be raprured 
and avoid this punishment. Only those who have “accepted Jesus 
Christ as their personal savior"—in other words, the born-again — 
will get a pass. Some of their names? Ashcroft, DeLay, G.W. Bush. 

Still, all that would be just a matter of personal faith—and 
taste in entertainment—except that the affairs of the Middle East 
figure prominently in the conviction of premillennialists that bib- 
lical prophesies are coming true in our times and presage the end 
of the world. Many Americans believe tribulation is upon us. 
Some fundamentalists may even be trying to help things along. 
One group of premillennials, the International Fellowship of 
Christians and Jews, has raised millions to return all Jews to 
Israel, which they believe is necessary for the Second Coming to 
occur. Peace in the Middle East? That's che last thing fundamen- 
talists want, unless the Muslims decide to destroy the Al-Aqsa 
Mosque on the Dome of the Rock—the third holiest site in Islam 
and where premillennials believe the Jewish Temple must also be 
rebuilt before Jesus can return. So American fundamentalists find 
themselves in the curious position of endorsing Jewish settle- 
ments on the West Bank in the hope of inciting a confrontation. 

As popular as such beliefs arc now in the U.S., none of these 
notions can actually be found in the Bible. The theological under- 
pinnings of premillennial dispensation аге, in fact, less than two 
centuries old. John Nelson Darby, a British evangelist, came up 
with the idea based on an account of a teenage Scottish girl who 
saw visions of the Second Coming in 1830. From this, Darby 
developed the notion that Jesus would return to carth twice—-once 
to summon his believers to heaven and once to establish a 1,000- 
year earthly reign (che millennium). 

Regardless of how bizarre this seems, some Americans car this 
stuff up. The hugely popular Left Behind series of apocalyptic 
novels, by the Reverend Tim LaHaye, has become a mainstream 
hit. “So many people have been converted by our books. I've never 
seen anything like it,” LaHaye says at conferences across the cotin- 
try aimed at explaining the theological underpinnings of his series. 
The 12th installment, The Glorious Appearing, debuted at num- 
ber one on best-seller lists. In all, more than 57 million copies of 
the Left Behind novels have been sold to people who enjoy read- 
ing about bad sinners predictably getting their comeuppance. And 
what could be more predictable than this premillennial view of 
time? Believers are raptured, nonbelievers die, Jesus returns. The 
end is near and if you don't get your act together you will be cast 
into a lake of burning sulfur. 

Its an idea many Christians find difficult to accept. “Left Behind 
has been very influential, but televangelists like Jerry Falwell have 
long been promoting these ideas as the Christian view,” says theol- 
Ogy professor Barbara Rossing, author of The Rapture Exposed. 
"But its just nor biblical that a chain of events must happen before 
Christ can return." Nevertheless, according to a recent Gallup poll, 
44 percent of Americans now believe in the premillennialist version 
of rapture. Hang on to your teeth. —Nancy Garascia 


“I think Joan is a little over-the-top.” 


97 


MIV star 

Cara Zavaleta 
rules the 

road as Miss 
November 


On Rood Rules: South Pacific, 
Cora's costmates (shown at 
left) voted her off in the eighth 
week. “I didn't win,” she says, 
"but | got to see Fiji, New 
Zealand ond all these other 
great places. I learned won- 
derful things about myself 
because | put myself through 
the ultimate challenge.” 


Road Iri 


TV has been the launching pad for many a 
Hollywood career: Adam Sandler was a stand- 
up comic on the game show Remote Control, 
Jenny McCarthy slapped around male fans— 
and perfected her chops—on Singled Out, and 
Carson Daly, before landing his own late-night show, was 
Total Request Live's main tween wrangler. There was a time 
when Miss November, Cara Zavalcta, wanted her MTV too. 
You may remember her as the wide-eyed, enthusiastic beauty 
from Road Rules: South Pacific and later The Gauntlet, on 
which Road Rules and Real World alums faced off and hooked 


up while pursuing a cash prize. Cara is now touring the 
country as part of the 10-month Reality Bar Crawl. “We've 
been hosting ass-shaking contests, guest bartending, signing 
autographs and hanging out with people,” Cara says during 
a pit stop at her Chicago apartment. “Bar owners want to 
hire us. I'm goofy, and I don't take myself too seriously. I 
think people like that.” 

On The Gauntlet Cara helped her tcam to victory—but 
would she do it again? “I would feel more relaxed and have 
more fun with it knowing that I'd already won one and that 
it didn't need to be another crazy competition,” she says. “I 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY ARNY FREYTAG 


“1 know nothing about cars,” Cara says. "Anyone who knows me and sees me chonging 
о fire is going to say, ‘Right. You con’t even pump your own gos.’ But | fell in love with the 
red British MG in these pictures. It looks like an Austin Powers car. Normally, I'm hoppy 
on my Pee-wee Herman bike. | have one with o bosket that | cruise oround on, okoy?" 


would probably never do Road Rules 
again. It was uncomfortable and an inva- 
sion of personal space. I told the produc- 
ers I had claustrophobia, and they put us 
in this small RV. We were sardines in that 
thing. Every mission was scary." 

Bungee jumping aside, what reall 
caught Cara off guard was the fan mail. 
"There were guys who worshiped me and 
wanted me to have their babies," she says. 
“People wrote mean things because they 
thought I treated my on-screen rival, Abe, 
badly. Abe was an untamed animal from 
Montana, so it was hard for me to adjust to 
him. But you can't take it personally." 

When the bar tour dries up, and when 
she's not globe-trotting for PLAYBOY, Cara 


may continue to avoid the nine-to-five 
grind by starting her own fashion line. “1 
bought a whole bunch of beautiful yarn 
and two looms in Argentina, and I'm 
neck deep in weaving shawls and scarves 
that I'm selling,” she says. 

But don't count on Cara covering up 
anytime soon: "I love wearing next to 
nothing. Gauzy dresses are my favorites 
because they're barely on you. I've never 
been intimidated being naked in front of. 
people. I read a book called The Nympho 
and Other Maniacs, by Irving Wallace. In it, 
women from the past two centuries talk 
about how they've gone against social 
standards in order to liberate future gen- 
erations. That pumped me up." 


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PLAYBOY'S PAHTY JOKES 


A busybody visited her bachelor neighbor and 
said, "You're 45 years old and have never been 
married. I have a lovely niece your age. Say 
the word and ГИ introduce you.” 

“Don't bother,” the bachelor said. "I have 
two sisters who look after all my needs.” 

The meddlesome woman replied, “That's all 
well and good, but all the sisters in the world 
cannot fill the role of a wife.” 

The bachelor said, “I said two sisters. I 
didn’t say they were my sisters.” 


On their 25th wedding anniversary, a man 
and his wife went back to the hotel where they 
had honeymooned. The wife said, “When you 
first saw my naked body 25 years ago, what was 
going нонво ош mind?” 

The husband said, "All I wanted was to fuck 
your brains out and suck your tits dry.” 

As the wife undressed, she asked, “What are 
you thinking now?" 

He replied, "It looks like I did a pretty 
good job." 


A small boy ran into the house, crying and 
holding his hand. “Mommy, quick," he cried. 
"Get me a glass of cider." 

His mother asked, "Why do you want a glass 
of cider?" 

The boy said, "I pricked my hand on a thorn 
and I want the pain to go away." 

The confused mother poured him a glass of 
cider, and the boy put his hand in Ir still 
hurts," he said. "This cider doesn't work. 

His mom asked, “Well, what made you think 
it woul 

He said, “1 overheard my babysitter say that 
whenever she gets a prick in her hand, she 
сапт wait to get it in cider." 


А traveling salesman was driving down a des- 
olate stretch of road late at night when his car 
broke down. He spotted a farmhouse and 
knocked on the door. A farmer answered. The 
salesman said, “My car broke down. Would 
you mind if I stayed the night?" 
*No problem," the farmer 
have to sleep with my son.” 
“Never mind,” the salesman replied. “I must 
be in the wrong joke.” 


, "but you'll 


What is the similarity between a rattlesnake 
and a limp penis? 
You don't fuck with either one. 


A couple was vacationing in the Australian 
outback when they saw a man copulating 
with a kangaroo. A few miles down the road, 
they saw another man having sex with a kan- 
garoo. “That's disgusting," the husband said. 
"I'm going to report this to the hotel when 
we get back." 

"They arrived at their hotel, only to see a 
man with a wooden leg masturbating at the 
entrance. The husband stormed inside and 
yelled at the manager, “My wife and I are 
appalled. This is a five-star hotel; we've seen 
two men having sex with kangaroos, and just 
now we saw a man with a wooden leg mastur- 
bating on the steps of your hotel. What have 
you got to say?” 

"The manager replied, "Take it easy, mate. 
How do you expect a guy with a wooden leg to 
catch himself a пка" 


What is the main difference between Iraq 
and Vietnam? 
Bush went to Iraq. 


А man visited the same diner every morning 
and read the menu but always wound up. 
ordering bacon and eggs. One morning his 
waitress decided to see if she could get him to 
order something new. Before handing him the 
menu, she took a marker and crossed out the 
bacon and eggs. As the customer looked over 
the menu, the waitress said, "Sir, did you no- 
tice I scratched something you like?" 

He replied, “Well then, go wash your hands 
and bring me some bacon and eggs.” 


Drinking the new low-carb beer is similar to 
making love in a canoe. Both are fucking close 
to water, 


Send your jokes to Party Jokes Editor, PLAYBOY, 730 
Fifth Avenue, New York, New York 10019, or by 
e-mail to jokes@playboy.com. $100 will be paid io 
the contributor whose submission is selected. Sorry, 
jokes cannot be returned. 


“Still think discussing global warming is going to be boring?" 


11 


ANT. 


{Te THIS) 


"Queens Expressway, which roars 
"overhead day and night, stands the 
_ Metropolitan Detention Center, а 
— 
rete bunkers and 
a isase federal prison; 
it houses some 2,500 of the most dangerous 
sociopaths to have passed through the New 
York courts, including mobsters and suspected 
terrorists. In March 2001 it added to its popula- 
tion inmate number 26965-053, a sad-eyed 
32-year-old Jordanian American whose given 
name is Abraham Abdallah but who, at the 
time of his arrest on 12 counts of felony fraud, 
was also known as Paul Allen, George Soros, 
William Gates, Andrew McKelvey, Charles 
Schwab, Steven Spielberg and Martha Stewart. 
Abdallah is an identity thief. According to 
experienced hands in the Federal Bureau of 
Investigation and New York Police Depart- 
ment, he is the best identity thief who has ever 
lived. While he was working as a busboy and 
prep cook at a Brooklyn restaurant, Abdallah, 
who is a high school dropout, penetrated 
Security at the most sophisticated financial 


firms in the world—Merrill Lynch, Citibank, 
Fidelity and Charles Schwab, to name a few. 
He assumed the financial identities of more 
than 200 of the individuals on the Forbes 400 
list, which is subtitled, for the unknowing, 
"The Richest People in America." Abdallah 
took possession of more than $260 million in 
other people's money and was well on his way 
to hitting his goal of $1 billion. He had filed plans 
to open his own offshore bank, and indeed he 
may well have succeeded had he not com- 
mitted the costliest mistake of his career. 

It was a young detective from the NYPD's 
nascent Computer Investigations and Technol- 
ogy Unit who found and followed the clues to 
put together the investigation that brought him 
down. Abdallah's arrest in early March 2001 
created a brief blast of media attention, but 
the Brooklyn man avoided the press and re- 
fused all comment on his crime, leaving untold 
the unlikely tale of how an uneducated restau- 
rant worker had managed to commit the most 
brazen identity thefts in American history. 
Shortly after his arrest | wrote him a long let- 
ter requesting an interview. His reply, filled 
with misspellings and botched grammar, 


ILLUSTRATION BY DADE DRGERON 


Abdallah, in police custody in 2001: the greatest identity thief of all time. 


was a polite turndown. Three years later, however, after a voluminous corre- 
spondence had passed between us, he finally consented to see me at the MDC. 

1 walked through a security gantlet of metal detectors, X-ray machines and 
rows of electronically controlled gates—a procedure that involved getting my 
hand stamped with ultraviolet ink—and was finally led into a featureless room 
where Abdallah, now 36, was waiting. He was zipped up in an orange prisoner 
jumpsuit, looking older than he had in the mug shot that appeared in the tabloids. 
His thin black hair had lost more ground to his scalp, and his eyes were dark and 
puffy from sleeplessness. He seemed shy and spoke softly with a pronounced 
Brooklyn accent. We had both grown up in New York, so we reminisced about the 
city of the 1980s and the fake-ID joints in Times Square that were frequented by 
underage drinkers. Finally he told me I could turn on the digital recorder. "I'll tell 
you the story," he said, "but you have to realize that, even though I'm the best, the 
truth is they make it so easy to do these frauds. Any 12-year-old could do it.” 

Pu 

he year is 1986. A smiling, bushy-haired 17-year-old Abdallah sits at a table, 

talking—laughing at times—as he tells of his former life as a stockbroker. 

The teenager brags about his black Corvette, which he'd equipped with a 

telephone. He talks about the mortgage he took out on a piece of pricey 
real estate and how he withdrew $50,000 at a time from his bank accounts. Of 
course, the real stockbroker, whose name and identity Abdallah had picked up. 
from a direct-mail solicitation, ultimately discovered this activity, and the 
escapade went down as the identity thief's first brush with federal law. 

In a training video produced by the U.S. Postal Service that Abdallah participated 
in as part of a plea bargain, he tells investigators how it was done: All he did was 


fill out a couple of forms using informa- 
tion from the broker's business card and 
wait for the money to arrive. "I really just 
did it to see if 1 could," he says cheer- 
fully. "I never meant to hurt anybody." 

"Could you take out a credit card in 
my name?" asks a voice off-camera. 
Abdallah smiles. "Of course.” he says 
"Once you get a credit report, you can 
get anybody’s—I don't care if it's 
Ronald Reagan's.” 

“What about a mortgage? Could you 
take out a mortgage in my name?" the 
voice asks. 

"Depends on how good your credit 
is,” says Abdallah. 

The video ends with the arresting 
agent declaring that identity theft is 
the crime of the future. He warns that 
stopping it "may well be beyond the 
scope of this agency." 

He was right on both counts. Identity 
theft has been on the rise since the 
19805, in large part because credit card 
companies began direct-mail market- 
ing campaigns and fraudsters learned 
to take advantage of the mail-in appli- 
cations. In the 1990s, as banks and con- 
sumer database companies moved 
their businesses online, identity theft 
became an even easier crime to com- 
mit, and today it is proliferating along 
with Internet access. Last year thieves 
struck a reported IO million people, an 
80 percent increase from the year 
before, according to the Federal Trade 
Commission and an independent 
research firm. The actual numbers are 
thought to be far higher because the 
crime typically goes undetected for 
years. When a theft is discovered, the 
perpetrator is rarely caught; fewer than 
one in 700 identity thefts are ever 
investigated. This brand of larceny is a 
virtual crime, and thieves leave little or 
no physical evidence. 

Banks and insurance policies absorb 
the cost of the crime—$47.6 billion last 
year—on the corporate level. "The 
banks are in a tough position," one FBI 
agent tells me. "They're torn between 
customer service and security. They 
want to make it easy for customers to 
access information, to see their 
accounts online. But that also makes it 
easy for criminals." 

No one has taken better advantage 
of this situation than Abraham Abdal- 
lah. During a criminal cereer that start- 
ed, when he was 15, with simple credit 
card fraud and evolved to include 
complex wire-transfer schemes and 
overseas money transfers, he trained 
himself to become a master thief, a 
"pioneer when it comes to fraud,” in 
the words of one FBI agent who had 
tracked him for a decade. Indeed, 


among fraud investigators, Abdallah's 
career is often used as a case study 
and cited as empirical proof of the sys- 
tem's vulnerabilities. "Abraham wrote 
the book,” says the veteran FBI agent. 
"If society had a few more like him, we 
would be in very big trouble." 

By thetime he was ZO years old, Ab- 
dallah had been arrested 25 times. 
Over the years the crime never 
changed; he simply raised the stakes 
with each attempt, culminating in the 
six-month spree against the Forbes 
400. By his own account, in late Janu- 
ary of 2001 he possessed about $260 
million free and clear. But rather than 
jet off to the Bahamas with a suitcase 
full of treasury notes, as he had 
promised himself he would do, he 
stayed in Brooklyn and continued 
scamming. He says he suffers from a 
peculiar addiction: The act of stealing 
identities has become so intensely 
pleasurable that he must fight it as an 
alcoholic would a drink. As the century 
turned, after serving a year in federal 
prison on fraud charges, he vowed to 
make a fresh start. 

221 


равт 1 пеш BEGINNING 


n the fall of 1999 Abdallah was а 

free man. He decided he would 

never go back to a cell. “I hate 

what I do," he wrote to the 
judge supervising his parole. "You have 
no idea what it's like to wake up every 
morning knowing you have ruined your 
life and knowing you can do better" He 
returned to his parents’ town house in 
the leafy middle-class neighborhood of 
Carroll Gardens, Brooklyn and moved 
Into his old room on the top floor, down 
the hall from his father and stepmother. 
He found a job bussing tables and 
doing kitchen prep work at Zaytoons, 
a Middle Eastern restaurant on Smith 
Street, a lively boulevard crammed 
with shops and boutiques just a few 
blocks from his house. Six days a week 
he walked to the restaurant, then 
descended a steep staircase to the 
basement, where, in a narrow alcove 
lined with butcher block, he spent his 
shift chopping vegetables—cutting 
box loads of carrots and cucumbers 
into smaller and smaller pieces. 

The job satisfied the condition of his 
parole that he remain gainfully em- 
ployed, but he disliked the monotony 
of the work, and he hated being 31 
years old, living at home and earning 
$150 a week. What he really wanted 
was to be a Wall Street executive, he 
says, a business success. He had nur- 


Computer cops Michael Fabozzi and C. Jahmel Daise at NYPD headquarters. 


tured this dream since he was eight years old, when he starting reading The Wall 
Street Journal and tracking his favorite stocks the way most kids follow sports 
teams. “I always wanted to be one of those brainiacs—one of those guys who 
make a lot of money in the market—or а CEO,” he says. He thought he could repli- 
cate the success he'd had thus far as a criminal: "Between $10 million and $15 mil- 
lion over the years” was how he estimated his gains. Before his most recent arrest, 
he had enjoyed a flashy lifestyle of expensive cars and high-end prostitutes, but 
now he would rise to the top legally. In his more optimistic moments, he even 
planned to get married and start a family if, in keeping with his family's tradition 
of arranged marriages, his father could find him a suitable bride. 

While he toiled in the overheated restaurant basement, he developed a plan to 
buy foreclosed rental properties in Brooklyn. His older brother, Tony, who works 
for New York City Transit, was to act as the frontman in the business, and Abra- 
ham would be a silent partner. This would add to the family's holdings. The 
Abdallahs had owned as many as five buildings in Brooklyn worth several million 
dollars—and which the police allege, but have never been able to prove, had been 
purchased with ill-gotten gains. Walking to work one day, Abdallah noticed that 
the Smith Street area was lacking an ice cream store, so he added an ice cream 
franchise to the empire he planned to build. “I had the money for down pay- 
ments," he says. "All | needed was 60 grand. That's nothing." 

When Abdallah's parole officer learned of the plan, however, he put an end to 
it, given Abdallah's history of defrauding banks. “| wanted to open a Haagen- 
Dazs,” he says. "Summer was coming. But | couldn't get the financing past my 
parole officer. He wouldn't give me an inch. Three months later a Ben & Jerry's 
opened a block away, and it made a killing." He shakes his head slowly. “Man, | 
wanted to be a success so bad." 

With several felony convictions marring his record and no marketable skills or 
education—and seeing no way out of being a busboy for the rest of his life, 
Abdallah says—he began "feeling really stressed-out and depressed." He decided 
then to do what he did best, but this time he planned to give his ambitions free 
rein. "I figured for the same work and preparation required to do $1 million or 
$1.6 million, | could do $100 million” he says. "So why bother with the small 
money?" In September 2000 Abdallah's copy of Forbes magazine's 400 richest 
Americans issue arrived in the mail, and he began going down the list, begin- 
ning with Bill Gates. 

By this point in his career Abdallah had systematized his methods. He didn't try 
to steal an identity all at once. He broke down a person's financial persona into its 
components and gradually acquired each piece. The first and most important was 
the Social Security number, which, since its inception in 1935 as a way for the gov- 
ernment to track retirement accounts, has become a de facto identity number. 
With a Social Security number and a little bravado, he could easily obtain every- 
thing else—bank records, passwords, mother's maiden name, place of birth, date 
of birth, address and phone number. 

This is how he did it: Posing as an executive with Sprint, Abdallah called a Texas 
private investigator whose name he'd found online and said that Sprint was 


115 


ZSELE-DEFETISE 
FILE WAYS TO PROTECT YOURSELF FROM 


IDENTITY THEFT 
() SECURE HOUR DIGITS 


Though others will ask you for it, you 
should have to give out your Social 
Security number only to an employer 
for wage and tax purposes or to some- 
one who needs to check your credit. 
Don't even think about typing it into 
an e-mail or an online form. Also, buy 
a crosscut shredder and use it on any- 
thing containing your Social Security 
or account numbers. 


(2) SCRUB YOUR COMPUTER 

New breeds of worms, viruses, Tro- 
jans, keyloggers and password snif- 
fers are unleashed every day on the 
Net, all aimed at stealing your per- 
sonal information. Fend off the beast- 
ies with Norton Internet Security 
($70, symantec.com), which com- 
bines virus protection, a firewall, in- 
trusion detection and spam blocking. 


(3) WATCH SOUR CREDIT 

For $4 to $10 a month, each of the big 
three credit-monitoring companies 
(Equifax, Experian and TransUnion) 
will watch your credit information and 
notify you of any changes (such as a 
new credit card account in your name). 
Programs in California and Texas al- 
low you to lock your credit report with 
a PIN so that anyone who requests 
your report will need explicit permis- 
sion from you. 


(4) SURF SAFE 

So-called phishing scams send you to 
faked websites that look like the pages 
of real businesses (like, say, the log-in 
screen for your bank). Check the URL. 
of any page you visit and get out of 
there if it looks suspicious. As a rule, 
never click on links in e-mails from 
anyone you don't know. 


(S) PASSWORD PROTECTION 
Using your pet's name, kid's name or 
birthday as a password is like painting 
a target on your back. The strongest 
passwords combine upper- and lower- 
case letters with numbers and symbols. 
Dant use the same password on mort 


ап orje ассорт. — —Scott Alexand 
| d 


looking for someone to conduct Баск- 
ground checks. “All | need from you, if 
you're interested, is a copy of your 
rates and a copy of your PI license," he 
said. The investigator faxed all his infor- 
mation, and Abdallah used it to open 
an account with an online database 
company catering to private investiga- 
tors. This site gave him "unlimited 
Social Security numbers and addresses 
for $300 a month." 

As he went through the list, he ob- 
tained the credit reports of his victims, 
atask he accomplished by duping the 
three major credit agencies, Equifax, 
Experian and TransUnion. On his com- 
puter, he made replicas of bank sta- 
tionery. Impersonating a member of a 
bank's human resources department, 
he wrote to the credit bureaus. He 
used the Social Security numbers he'd 
obtained to request credit reports. 
Whenever he handled a document, he 
wore gloves to avoid leaving finger- 
prints. He never signed the documents 
himself, because he knew handwriting 
analysis was often used to identify 
forgers. Instead, he took his paperwork 
to the local basketball court and paid 
the kids there $50 to do the job. 

In October 2000 he was ready to 
take the next step. During a break from 
his restaurant shift, Abdallah called 
Merrill Lynch on his cell phone and 
introduced himself as George 5oros. 
The account representative didn't fully 
believe what she was hearing. "Are you 
the George Soros?" she asked. 

Abdallah didn't pause before 
answering. Though his reply was cru- 
cial—for he had already stirred the 
bank employee's suspicion, and a mis- 
cue this early in the conversation 
would transfer the call to the fraud 
department—he was now winging it, 
he says, to keep the conversation 
going long enough to allay her fears. 

“No, that's my father. I'm his son,” he 
said, calculating that it was safer to 
confirm her suspicion than to fight it. 
He reeled off Soros's Social Security 
number and birth date, and the ac- 
count rep pulled up four accounts. 
"They make it so easy," he says. “They 
never check anything." 

The accounts, he was told, had zero 
balances. Abdallah was disappointed. 
Jeez, he thought, where is this guy's 
money? Since he had a cooperative 
representative on the line, he decided 
not to waste the opportunity. "Under 
his name, | decided to open a separate 
account and deposit a counterfeit check 
for $10 million. | had a fifty-fifty shot 
that it would go through,” he says. "The 
guy is well-known in the industry, and 
$10 million is nothing to them." 


The unusual activity on Soros's 
accourt triggered a review at the bank, 
and when Abdallah's forged check 
arrived, it was scrutinized. The account 
numbers were accurate and the signa- 
ture correct, but after investigators 
called the issuing bank, the coloring of 
the watermark was determined to be 
slightly off, so the check did not clear. 
The NYPD and the U.S. Secret Service 
were alerted. 

Abdallah called Merrill Lynch's fraud 
department directly, this time posing 
as Richard Reinhardt, the Secret Ser- 
vice agent who had arrested him in 
1991. He explained he was investigating 
a possible fraud and asked if they'd 
received any forged checks lately. "Oh 
yes," he was told. "We already talked to 
another agent about it." 

He was not discouraged. "You always 
know the feds are going to get involved 
in a case like this," he tells me during 
the prison interview. He planned to stay 
a step ahead and keep tabs on their 
investigation by periodically calling the 
bank and posing as an agent. 


t the NYPD's Computer Inves- 

tigations and Technology 

Unit, Detective Michael Fa- 

bozzi was a rising star who 
had made a canny career choice in the 
early 1990s. Back then, identity theft 
was a law enforcement backwater, end 
the squad had been staffed by a few 
technicians, computer repairmen and 
programmers. Fabozzi's decision 
seemed quixotic, but the Staten Island 
native, who had worked briefly in 
finance before becoming a cop, consid- 
ered banking frauds more challenging. 
than homicide and narcotics cases. As 
the Internet grew, Fabozzi's choice 
proved prescient. 

Fabozzi keeps his brown hair cut in a 
modified Beatles style; together with 
his inquisitive brown eyes and slim, 
ethletic build, it gives him a youthful 
appearance that belies his 39 years. He 
is a thoughtful guy, gentle in his 
demeanor but tall and fit. He played 
guard on his college basketball team, 
and he seems to approach police work 
with the playmaking mind-set he had 
shown on the court. 

A few days after he was assigned to 
look into the Soros check, Fabozzi re- 
ceived a report from a bank investiga- 
tor that the identity of Goldman Sachs 
chairman Hank Paulson had been 
stolen. The thief had posed as Paulson 

(continued on page 152) 


King Of The Swingers 


| < | wirpentweser pows maz | 
| SVP AU КЫЛЫ ANE REAKINGZ 
| > к А2 7 


> na 


John Carmack 


PLA ВО 


He invented Doom 3. He paid cash for a Ferrari. 
Now the video game genius is headed for space 


1 


PlayBoy: Back home in Kansas, you 
and two friends were arrested for steal- 
ing an Apple Пе computer. How does a 
smart 14-year-old get caught doing 
something so dumb? 

CARMACK: We crawled in through a hole 
in the window, but one of the guys in our 
trio was too big. He opened the window 
to get inside and set off a silent alarm. 
"rhe cops came while we were carrying 
computers across the yard. The funny 
thing is I couldn't have used them, 
because I couldn't have explained it to 
my parents if I had brought one home. 


2 


PLAYBOY: It was your first offense and a 
minor crime. You were interviewed by 
a shrink—and you blew it again. What. 
did you say that landed you in a correc- 
tional facility rather than on probation? 
CARMACK: The psychologist asked if I 
would ever do it again. I said if I hadn't. 
been caught I probably would have. It 
was the honest answer. After I was sen- 
tenced he told me it wasn't smart to tell 
someone I was going to doit again. But 
that was not what I said. The home was 
not a good arrangement. I stuck out 
like a sore thumb. Everyone else was a 
five- or six-time offender, all for drug- 
related crimes. I can't think of one pos- 
itive thing I learned there, but I had a 
lot more exposure to the drug culture 
than 1 otherwise would have. 


3 


PLAYBOY: Since its first release, in 1993, 
the Doom franchise has earned more 
than $200 million, about the same as a 
blockbuster movie. Is playing Doom 3 a 
better experience than watching a film? 
CARMACK: It's really quite different. A 
computer game that tries to stack up to 
a movie experience isn't going to be a 
good game, because the two are funda- 
mentally different. A movie is all about 
carefully crafted perfection. The direc- 
toris in control of everything that hap- 


Interview by Jason Buhrmester 


pens with the characters, the lighting 
and the sound. In a game, the player is 
in control most of the time. It's not 
going to be as tight. Doom 3 is much 
longer than anything we'd done 
before. A lot of people will probably 
spend 40 hours going through it. Even 
if an editor or a director took those 40 
hours and clipped out two of the 
coolest, watching them would proba- 
bly be interesting only for the person 
who actually played the game. 


4 


PLAYBOY: Mesquite, Texas tried to ban 
video games and took the case all the 
way to the Supreme Court before it 
failed. Shortly thercafter you moved 
your company to that city. Were you 
trying to rub it in their face? 

CARMACK: No, I didn't know about that 
when we decided to make the move. 
That must have been back when peo- 
ple associated video games with smoky 
pool halls and arcades. 1 admit that in 
years past we derived pleasure from 
rubbing our games in the face of the 
fundamentalist crowd. Satanic themes 
get a lot of people irate. We enjoyed 
offending the easily offended. 


5 


PLAYBOY: What is the best video game of 
all time? 

САВМАСК: The quintessential game that 
has influenced a lot of my game design 
is Sonic the Hedgehog on Sega Genesis. 
It's a really simple game: Go fast and 
be really cool. You don't need 90 little 
gadgets and gizmos. 


6 


PLAYBOY: Music, books and movies can 
live for generations, but video games 
quickly become obsolete. Docs it sting 
to know that your creations may be for- 
gotten next ycar? 

CARMACK: I'm comfortable with it. I un- 
derstand that 1 can read a 50-year-old 
book and know that somebody created 


something 50 years ago that is still rele- 
vant. For the most part, video games 
aren't like that, especially the 3D games 
that have tried to push the technology. 
They're going to look much cruder 
much sooner. We put ourselves in a par- 
ticularly bad place. Important games live 
on in people's memories, but they're not 
somcthing your kids will play later on. 


y 


PLAYBOY: You once won $20,000 in Las 
Vegas after teaching yourself to count 
cards. What's the secret? 

CARMACK: Card counting is a lot easier 
than people think. It's a system to help 
keep track of the ratio of 10s to low 
cards. When low cards come out, it's 
good because it means more 10s and 
face cards are still in the deck, so you're 
more likely to blackjack and the dealer 
is more likely to bust. You're not mem- 
orizing which cards come out. You're 
memorizing only the ratio of cards. 
You still play the same basic blackjack 
strategy, but you change your betting. 
Of course, the casinos watch for that to 
see who's counting. The pros have 
strategies for slowly ramping up their 
bets. I didn't play like that, and they 
eventually kicked me out. 


8 


PLAYBOY: Your company, Id Software, is 
worth $500 million, yet you employ 
only about 20 people. You've resisted 
growing into a much bigger company, 
claiming that money is not a major 
motivator. So what is? 

CARMACK: The nice thing about being 
successful and making enough money 
to be financially secure is that it re- 
moves almost all the levers that people 
use to manipulate other people. Every- 
thing is built around the idea that you 
can be manipulated into doing some- 
thing for more moncy. Of course, lots 
of people never have enough money, 
and they are the ones who can always 
be led around (continued on page 150) 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY DAVID ROSE 


119 


WEEDS 


ENTRY IS FINALLY READY FOR A NEW GENERATION 


NO FLY ROD REQUIRED: THE FABRIC OF THE RUR, 


Fashion by JOSEPH DE ACETIS 


Y 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY NICOLA MAJOCCHI / PRODUCED BY JENNIFER RYAN JONES 


шге. But other than shooting quail with a king, there hasn't been much a modern guy can do in tweed. Until 
now, These days designers are creating tweeds that are soft, move easily and pop with color—so you can look smart, not stiff. 
THAT PAGE: Huggie Bear is in a turtleneck ($890), trousers ($690) and a herringbone jacket with leather piping and elbow 
patches ($2,230), all by BOTTEGA VENETA. His belt is by TORINO ($85). His squeeze is wearing a dress ($5,800) and scarf 
($560) by BOTTEGA VENETA. THIS PAGE: Hy Noon wears a jacket with suede patches by BERETTA $625), a shirt by HICKEY 
FREEMAN ($135) and a sweater by BOTTEGA VENETA ($245). Her outfit'is by ETRO, and her boots are by DOLCE & GABBANA. 


-— 


WOMEN'S STYLING BY NERIEM SRLET 


- дүвү 
d e P LA Y B O YO 


121 


THIS.PAGE: Bootsy is in a suede 
Sports coat ($2,400), camel-hair 
turtleneck ($1,500), tweed pants 
7 ($325), rubber Wellingtons ($95), 
“Aeather gloves ($250) and a hat 
($595), all by JAY KOS. Mr. Pock- 


quilted lining; the fishing 
st ($85) has pockets finished 
wi contrasting flap covers. Thes 1 
sweater ($245) is a half-zip, 
the cords ($295) have 
legs. BOTTEGA VENETA makes ` 
5 suede boots ($830): THAT 
: Mr. Plaid, My. Glen Plaid, ` 
move in a cashmere. 


jan ($750), dotted 
and silk tie ($115) are 
all by В (Girls Tove the 
feel of cashmere against their 
skin.) His shoes are By: EBD 
($504). She's in a skirt'by RICH- 
122 MOND X ($350). 
Е 


his hat ($34), TORINO his belt ($95) and SANTONI 
($260), a cashmere turtle еск ($675), Donegal pants. 
bonnie lass is in her. agpiper's outfit. The cen- 
ga skirt, s y ETRO ($690) around 
s Venus nthe f shell. He's in a suede 
Am ne turp ари ($175)andsports || 
LCE & EISE ($2,595) and a cashmere throw by ANICHINI 125 


га 
WHERE AND HOW TO BUY ON PAGE 147 


126 


"It's okay, coach. She's just pumping me up for the game." 


THE GENTLE SIDE OF ROUGH SEX 


Iloyeit when my man pulls my hair while we're having sex. Some guys pull hair from the 
ends and not from the roots, but you can pull a woman's hair out that way. I love being bitten 
softly on the back of the neck. Don't bite a woman on the front of her neck—only the back, the 
mape and the shoulders. I love to sink my teeth into my man as well. And I love when my man 

looks at me and says, “I know you were bad today" and then gives me a little spank. 


HOW SHE LEARNED TO ADORE HER OTHER 
SIDE—AND THE MAN WHO TOOK HER THERE 


is was first. In my ass. 
1 don't know the exact length, but it's 
definitely too big—just right. Of medium 
width, neither too slender nor too thick. Beauti- 
ful. My ass, tiny, tight and tightly wound. Twen- 
ty-five years of winding as a ballet dancer. Since 
the age of four, the age I first declared war on 
my daddy. Turning out the legs from the hips 
winds up the pelvic floor like a corkscrew. | 
worked my gut all my life standing at that ballet 
barre. Now it is being unworked. 

His cock, my ass, unwinding. ne. 

This is the backstory of a love story. A back- 
story that is the whole story. A second-hole story, 
to be exact. Colette declared that you couldn't 
write about love while in its heady hold, as if only 
lost love resonates. No hindsight for me in this 
great love but rather behind-sight. This is a story 
in which the front matter is brief and the end 
matter is all. When you've been sodomized as 
much as | have, things get both very philosophi- 
cal and very silly very quickly. My brain has been 
rocked along with my guts. 

As he enters me I let go, millimeter by millime- 
ter, of the tensing, pulling, tightening, gripping. I 
am addicted to extreme physical endurance, the 
marathon of uncoiling intensity. | release my 
muscles, my tendons, my flesh, my anger, my 
ego, my rules, my censors, my parents, my cells, 
my life. At the same time, | draw him inward. 
Releasing out and pulling in, one thing. 

Bliss, | learned from being sodomized, is expe- 
riencing eternity in a moment of real time. It is 
the ultimate sexual act of trust. You could really 


By TONI BENTLEY 


PAINTING BY JOHN KACERE 


PLAYBOY 


130 


get hurt—if you resist. But push past 
that fear, literally pass through it, and 
ah, the joy that lies on the other side 
of convention. The peace that is past 
the pain. Once absorbed, it is neutral- 
ized and allows for transformation. 
Pleasure alone is mere temporary in- 
dulgence, a subtle distraction, an 
anesthetization while on the path to 
something higher, deeper, lower. 
Eternity lies far beyond pleasure. And 
beyond pain. The edge of my ass is 
the sexual event horizon, the bound- 
ary beyond which there is no escape. 

Anal sex is about cooperation. 
Cooperation in an endeavor of aristo- 
cratic politics involving rigid hierar- 
chies, feudal positions and monarchist 
attitudes. One is in charge, the other 
obedient. There is no democratic, 
affirmative-action safety net swinging 
below ass fuckers. You can't half-ass 
butt fuck. It's a high-wire act—there 
are no understudies, no backups for 
anal Cirque du Soleil. 

The truth always shows itself with 
the ass. It doesn't know how to lie. It 
can't: It hurts physically if you lie. 
The pussy, on the other hand, can 
and does all the time. Pussies are de- 
signed to fool men with their slippery 
slopes and ready opening. My pussy 
proposes the question; my ass an- 
swers. Sodomy is the event in which 
Rainer Maria Rilke's hallowed dictum 
to "live the question" is finally an- 
swered. Anal penetration resolves the 
dilemma of duality that is introduced 
and magnified by vaginal penetra- 
tion. It transcends all opposites, all 
conflicts positive and negative, good 
and bad, shallow and deep, pleasure 
and pain, love and death—and unifies 
them, renders all one. This, for me, is 
therefore the Act. Butt fucking offers 
spiritual resolution. Who knew? 

1 am an atheist by inheritance. I 
came to know God experientially, from 
being fucked in the ass—over and over 
and over again. I am a slow learner and 
a gluttonous hedonist. And I was even 
more surprised than you are now by 
this curiously rude awakening to a 
mystic state. There it was: God's big 
surprise, his subtle humor and potent. 
presence, manifested in my ass. Well, it 
sure is one way to convert a skeptic. 

If I were asked to choose only one 
place of penetration for the rest of my 
life, I would choose my ass. My pussy 
has been too wounded by false ex- 
pectations and uninvited entries, by 
movements too selfish, too shallow, too 
fast or too unconscious. My ass, know- 
ing only him, knows only bliss. The 
penetration is deeper, more profound; 
it rides the edge of sanity. The direct 
path through my bowels to God has 
become clear. 

Norman Mailer sees the sexual routes 


in reverse: “So that was how I finally 
made love to her, a minute for one, a 
minute for the other, a raid on the devil 
and a trip back to the Lord.” But Mailer 
is a man, a penetrator, not a recipient, 
not a submissive. He hasn't been, I as- 
sume, in my compromising position. 

My yearning is socavernous, so deep, 
so old yet so young, that only a big cock 
buried deep in my ass has ever filled it. 
He is that cock. The one that saved me. 
He is my answer to every man who 
came before him. My revenge. 

I see his cock as a therapeutic in- 
strument. Perhaps the wound is not 
psychological but truly the space in- 
side that yearns for God. Perhaps it is 
merely the yearning of a woman who 
thinks she cannot have him. A woman 
whose daddy told her long ago that 
there is no God. 

But I want God. 

Having a cock in her ass really gives 
a woman focus. Receptivity becomes 
activity, not passivity. His cock pierces 
my yang—my desire to know, control, 
understand and analyze—and forces 


Emancipation through 
the back door would 
never be, for any rational 
woman, a choice. It 
can happen only as a gift. 


A surprise. 


my yin—my openness, my vulnerabil- 
ity—to the surface. I cannot do this 
alone, voluntarily. I must be forced. 
He fucks me into my femininity. Be- 
ing a liberated woman, I believe it is 
the only way I can go there and retain 
my dignity. Turned over, ass in the air, 
I have little choice but to succumb and 
lose my head. This is how I can enjoy 
an experience my intellect would never 
allow, a betrayal to Olive Schreiner, 
Margaret Sanger and Betty Friedan 
and an affront, from the rear, to many 
modern feminists. But having been to 
the other side, I know there is no go- 
ing back to control, to being on top, 
to men more feminine than I am. 
This is simply how my liberation man- 
ifested itself. Emancipation through 
the back door would never be, for any 
rational woman, a choice. It can hap- 
pen only as A surprise. 
Humiliation is my greatest devil, but 
when the eye of my terror is entered I 
experience my fear as unfounded. It is 
through this physical surrender, this 
forbidden pathway, that I have found 


my self, my voice, my spirit, my 
courage. This is no feminist treatise 
about equality; this is the truth about 
the beauty and power of submission. I 
have happened upon the great cosmic 
joke. God's supreme irony. Enter the 
exit. Paradise waits. 

I am, you see, a woman who has 
been in search of surrender my whole 
life—to find something, someone, to 
whom I could subsume my ego, my 
will, my miserable mortality. I tried 
various religions and various men. I 
even tried a religious man. And then 
he found me, the agnostic who de- 
manded my submission. 

“Bend over," he'd say, gently, firmly. 
Ican hear it now—echoing in the bow- 
els of my being. 

. 


You just don’t know when he's going to 
show up. The one who is going to 
change everything forever, the one 
who's going to rock your world. He may 
even be someone you already know. 

Three years prior to my awakening, 
a Pre-Raphaelite beauty at the gym 
started flirting with me. 14 never 
been with a girl, though I'd thought 
about it plenty. She was also interested 
in a Young Man who frequented the 
gym. That New Year's Eve she invited 
us both to her house and initiated a 
magical three-way. So magical, in fact, 
that we all reconnected throughout 
the year and again the following New 
Year's Eve. But soon afterward, the 
Young Man moved for a job and, 
though the Pre-Raphaclite and I met 
again, I missed the Young Man. Sweet 
sisters without a cock between us. 

The decision to see the Young Man 
when he called after a two-year absence 
was surprisingly easy. Earlier that day 
my current boyfriend had juiced up my 
anger by pontificating about “our” re- 
lationship—as far as I was concerned, 
he was in “our” relationship alone. But 
we had one rule that legislated hope: 
We weren't monogamous. And so it 
was arranged. It was three o'clock now, 
and the Young Man would be over at 
four. Love in the afternoon, like Gary 
Cooper and Audrey Hepburn. 

I bathed, shaved my legs, powdered 
my body with honey dust, set up the 
music, closed the curtains, fed the cat, 
lit the incense and candles and then— 
very excitedly, very apprehensively— 
put myself into a black thong, black 
bra and long black velvet gown. 

The doorbell rang, late. 1 opened 
the door and he stepped inside, folded 
me into his big arms—no words—and 
pressed me close. I was his from that 
moment forth. I allowed it, and for the 
next three hours I melted into him ina 
way I never had with any man before. 

(continued on page 146) 


we should make this an annual event." 


“You know, 


131 


BALD, LIFE 


When it comes to heat, no 
woman makes more sparks 
fly than Brooke Burke 


photography by 
Steph-en 
Wayda 


hat do you do after you've swum with 
sharks in Belize? What do you do 
after you've flown a Russian MiG 17? What 
do you do after you've donned a Zorro 
costume and performed a sword dance in 
Mazatlán? For Brooke Burke, former 
host of the cable-TV reality phenomenon. 
Wild On, there was only one place to go 
next: Fantasyland. After three years of 
televised adventures, Brooke has taken 
her career to the next level by develop- 
ing BrookeBurke.com, starring in a 
new video game, Need for Speed 
Underground 2, and posing for her 
second PLAYBOY cover and pictori: 

If Wild On was the ultimate in real- 

ity TV, Brooke's next moves are the 
epitome of creative visualization. 
These days, you're nobody until you 

star in a video game, and Brooke is 
pumped about hers, which launches 

this month. “The technology is 
amazing," she says. "Users aren't 
going to see cyber Brooke. It’s the 

real deal. They'll be able to interact 

with mc. | play a character named 
Rachel. She is a sexy, confident, 
strong woman who runs the under- 
ground street-racing circuit. She 
helps the user become the number- 

one street racer. Kids will be able to 

trick out their cars and kick ass." A 
self-described car freak, Brooke ad- 
mits to gussying up one of her real- 


life rides, her Hummer. “You've got 

to pimp out a Hummer,” she says. 

“Pm adding bling all over.” Cyber 

world aside, Brooke gets her adrena- 

line rushes by making people laugh. 

She has guest-starred on such sitcoms 

as The Bernie Mac Show and Less Than 

Perfect. “Гус had a chance to do a bit of 

everything," Brooke says. *Now I know 

for certain that I really want to do com- 

edy. Doing a sitcom is an immediate goal. I 

love the feedback and the energy you get 

from live audiences. Besides, Pd much rather 
make people laugh than cry." 


183 


Brooke's ability to laugh 
at herself has cemented her 
standing as much more than a 
beautiful face in a town flush 
with pretty faces. Asked about 
memorable moments from this 
shoot, Brooke, rather than talk 
about how great she looks, pro- 
vides a self-deprecating story: 
“Did I tell you I fell off the 
horse? I was trying to ride it 
not only bareback but naked. 
My dad used to have a ranch, 
so I love horses. I'm comfort- 
able around them. But the 
horse knew something funky 
was going on. We put a beauti- 
ful blanket on him, but I had no 
traction and no stirrups. The 
blanket started slipping, and I 
ended up falling off. You can 
imagine how funny it is visu- 
ally to fall off a horse. Naked. 
There's video footage that I'm 
sure will haunt me at some 
point in my life.” 

While other Hollywood stars 
would have tossed a diva-size 
fit after having been thrown off 
a horse, Brooke stuck to a phi- 
losophy she has had since day 
one: Being nice in this business 
carries you far. “I've never been 
a diva,” she says. “When I 
started Wild On, there was no 
room for attitude. It was a ghet- 
to shoot. If [d had an attitude, 
the crew would have left mc to 
be eaten by the crocodiles." 

The crew on our set adored 
Brooke, not only for her up- 
beat attitude but also for her 
crcative input. “I didn't want to 
do anything cheesy or sleazy,” 
she says. “I wanted it to be cool 
and sexy. I collect perfume bot- 
tles, and I have these old Mo- 
roccan ones we filled with o 
At first I was going to drizzle 
the ой on my body, but I ended 
up pouring out the entire bot- 
tle, At home, you'd destroy all 
your bedding. When are you 
really able to pour oil all over 
your body? So that was fun 
and sexy in a playful way.” 

Last year Brooke made her 
stage debut in Pieces (of Ass), 
in which a group of women 


Ei 7 


8 


perform monologues they” 
written that address what 
like to be a beautiful woman. 
Brooke’s contribution was a 
letter to her then-three-year- 
old daughter. “1 expressed how 
important it is to be more than 
just beautiful," Brooke says. 
“Pm proud of the things Гуе 
done, and I hope my daughters 
will be also." 

Brooke is also proud of her 
husband, Dr. Garth Fishe: 
who has become a celebrity in 
his own right on ABC's Ex- 
treme Makeover. While that 
and other plastic surgery 
shows have sparked some con- 
troversy, Brooke points out thc 
good her husband and the pro- 
gram are doing in the world. 
“The show is choosing well- 
deserving people,” she says. 
“There’s so much TV about 
plastic surgery now— 
bad. Garth is making positive 
changes for a lot of people. 
The one thing 1 can say about 
Extreme Makeover compared 
with the others is that there are 
no losers. Everybody wins.” 

As for surgery, she’s pro- 
choice. “People should have 
the right to make decisions 
about their own bodies,” she 
says. “Other people should 
butt out. 1 don't think anyone 
should strive to be the most 
beautiful person. We all need 
to do the best with what we 
have. If surgery is something 
you feel comfortable with and 
you come from a healthy place 
and make an educated deci- 
sion, more power to you.” 

And so Brooke continues her 
life’s journey on her own 
terms—riding horses in the 
buff, tricking out cars and hav- 
ing a damn fun time all the 
while, “I have a great husband, 


a great family and a great 


уз. “Pm comfort- 
able in my skin. PLAYBOY has 
some of the most beauriful 
women in its collection, so to 
do this again is a total honor. I 
really feel I'm coming into my 
own. Pm a woman now.” 


“I’m into eyes. They're what I’m drawn to in 
other people. They're the most vulnerable part 


of the body, and the strongest, too. 


i 


77 


оу 


PLAYB 


HOLY WAR 


(continued from page 96) 
Carter, like the younger Bush, was born- 
again. Bill Clinton was never in better 
oratorical form than in a church, espe- 
cially a black church. But neither Wilson 
nor Carter nor Clinton applied religious 
tests to public policy, nor did any of them 
rely on churches to mobilize voters on 
their behalf. 

President Bush's conversion experi- 
ence was undoubtedly authentic. But his 
faith also provides political benefits. 
"There's no question that the president's 
faith is real, genuine,” said Doug Wead, 
an Assemblies of God evangelist, “and 
there’s no question that it’s calculated.” 
The rise of Protestant evangelicals as a 
political force has restructured Ameri- 
can politics, and President Bush is taking 
full advantage of the millennial fervor. 

When I was young, Protestant evan- 
gelicals were a disdained minority, made 
sport of by H.L. Mencken as inhabitants 
of the Bible Belt. Born-again fundamen- 
talists could be relied on to be anti- 
Catholic and anti-Semitic. They had led 
the campaigns against Al Smith in 1928 
and John F. Kennedy in 1960. They had 
lynched Leo Frank in Georgia in 1915. 

But in recent years the Protestant 
right has forged an alliance with right- 
wing Catholics over abortion and with 
right-wing Jews over the Holy Land. 
Such alliances have made the Protestant 
evangelicals more respected and more 
politically potent. Religious statistics are 
notoriously unreliable, but it may be, as 
the Pew Center for the People and the 
Press asserts, that evangelicals now out- 
number mainline Protestants. In the late 
1980s, according to the Pew Center, 41 
percent of Protestants identified them- 
selves as “born-again or evangelical.” 
Today 54 percent of Protestants identify 
themselves that way. Evangelicals make 
up 30 percent of the population and, 
with their allies among right-wing 
Catholics and Jews, make up close to 40 
percent of the electorate. 

Karl Rove, W's political wizard, is evi- 
dently worried about Jess than maximum 
turnout among evangelicals. W.'s father 
had alienated the religious right—one 
reason for his defeat in 1992—and the 
son is determined not to repeat the fa- 
ther's mistake. According to Rove, 4 mil- 
lion of their brethren did not vote for W. 
in 2000. 1n 2004 the Bush-Cheney cam- 
paign, according to The New York Times, 
"is asking conservative churches and 
churchgoers to do everything they can to 
turn their churches into bases of support 
without violating campaign finance laws 
or jeopardizing their tax-exempt status." 
W. himself told a White House confer- 
ence of religious organizations that the 
federal government gave more than $1 
billion in 2003 to faith-based organiza- 
tions. In August, as the presidential con- 


142 test grew more heated, The New York 


Times ran a story under the headline 
CHURCHES SEE AN ELECTION ROLE AND 
SPREAD THE WORD ON BUSH. The Wall Street 
Journal described the weekly conference 
call between the White House and con- 
servative Christian leaders. 

Meanwhile the Republican leadership. 
in the House of Representatives intro- 
duced a bill that would permit religious 
organizations a limited number of vio- 
lations of the rules against political 
endorsements. When the president ad- 
dressed the Southern Baptist Conven- 
tion, a chorus line of ministers pledged 
to call for his reelection. It is indeed a far 
cry from President Garficld and justifies 
the rebuke by Ron Reagan, who said at 
his father's funera! that President Rea- 
gan "never made the fatal mistake of so 
many politicians wearing his faith on 
his sleeve to gain political advantage." 

The Bush presidency is the first faith- 
based presidency in the history of the 
U.S. David Frum, a quondam presiden- 
tial speechwriter, reports that the first 
words he heard in W.'s White House 
were "Missed you at Bible study." A 
senior White House staffer told David 
Aikman, author of the admiring A Man 
of Faith, that he estimated there are sev- 
en separate Bible-study and prayer- 
fellowship groups meeting every week in 
the White House, involving some 200 of 
500 White House staffers—all presum- 
ably meeting on taxpayers time. Aikman 
quotes a BBC correspondent as saying, 
"It's not uncommon to see White House 
functionaries hurrying down corridors 
carrying Bibles." 

W.'s first executive order as president 
was to set up in the White House the 
Office of Faith-Based and Community 
Initiatives. The idea behind this un- 
precedented office was to steer federal 
funds into religious organizations set up. 
to help the needy. Religious organiza- 
tions indeed contribute greatly to the 
rescue of casualties of an unfeeling eco- 
nomic system. "No discrimination 
against faith-based programs" is W.'s 
battle cry. "I welcome faith to help solve 
the nation's deepest problems." 

But hard questions remain. What if a 
religious group hired only persons of 
the same denomination? What if the 
group proselytized among those in need 
of assistance? What if it failed to draw a 
bright line between secular and religious 
activities? What if a faith-based presi: 
dency opened the way to federal regula- 
tion of religion? What if a religious 
group took a partisan role in elections? 
The courts in due course will have to 
answer such questions. As usual, lawyers 
will be major beneficiaries. 

Nevertheless, the president has car- 
ried forward his project of funding faith- 
based groups. He has established such 
offices in seven executive agencies— 
including the Department of Justice, the 
Labor Department, the Department of 
Agriculture and the Department of 


Health and Human Services. And as 
noted, he sent more than $1 billion in 
2008 to religious organizations for chari- 
table purposes. Yet religious organiza- 
tions, for all their selfless work, can have 
only a marginal impact on “the nation's 
deepest problems." 

To affirm his own heartfelt faith—and 
incidentally to assuage Rove's worries 
about the born-again vote—our presi- 
dent has embraced much of the evangel- 
ical program. “I don't think there's any 
question,” says Richard Land of the 
Southern Baptist Convention, “that his 
faith was absolutely determinative in his 
decision making.” 

W. is unique among American presi- 
dents in his extensive application of reli- 
gious tests to secular problems. This 
explains his opposition to stem-cell 
research—an opposition that so disturbs 
Nancy Reagan. Stem-cell research 
promises to expedite cures for Alz- 
heimer's, diabetes, AIDS, Parkinson's 
and other diseases. But evangelicals are 
against it and so is George Bush. 

The pressure to activate his evangelical 
base surely explains W.'s call for a consti- 
tutional amendment to ban same-sex 
marriage. If the Supreme Court had up- 
held the decision of the Ninth Circuit 
Court to delete “under God” from the 
pledge of allegiance, W. doubtless would 
have proposed another constitutional 
amendment. During the 2000 election, 
he allowed that he thought schools should 
teach creationism as well as evolution. A 
National Academy of Sciences panel 
seeks to save the Hubble space telescope; 
the suspicion arises that some Hubble 
opponents see a conflict between Hubble 
and Genesis over the age of the earth. 

Ideological restrictions on scientific in- 
quiry and humanitarian action are es- 
pecially burdensome on women. W.'s 
rigid opposition to abortion colors every 
decision that affects family planning. In 
July the administration for the third 
year withheld $34 million from the Unit- 
ed Nations Population Fund on the 
grounds that, while the UN agency does 
not condone abortion, it cooperates with 
Chinese programs that may involve 
abortion. The fund cutoff penalizes poor 
women around the world. 

The tragedy of September 11 deep- 
ened Bush’s relationship with his creator. 
On matters of life and death, Bush radi- 
ates a calm but disquieting certitude. His 
faith-based presidency encourages abso- 
lutist, black-and-white thinking: Either 
you're for us or for the terrorists there's 
no room for nuance or doubt. "There's 
no doubt in my mind we're doing the 
right thing," he told Bob Woodward. 
"Not one doubt." Friends attribute to his 
religious faith this capacity to confront 
grave trouble with a certain serenity. 

Woodward, who interviewed Bush for 
nearly four hours for his book Bush at War, 
came away with the distinct impression 
that "the president was casting his mission 


P Williams | 
(787 е E AGED 7 YEARS 


м 


1422 Сон 


WHISKEY 


PLAYBOY 


144 


and that ofthe country in the grand vision 
of God's master plan." W. told Rove, “I'm 
here for a reason, and this is going to be 
how we're going to be judged." A senior 
aide commented that the president “real- 
ly believes he was placed here to do this 
as part of a divine plan." 

In a later book, Plan of Attack, Wood- 
ward reports that he asked Bush whether 
he had discussed the invasion of Iraq 
with his father. After all, the elder Bush 
had already fought a war against Iraq 
and Saddam Hussein, and it would have 
been the most natural thing in the world 
for a son to seck his father's counsel. In- 
stead of disposing of the question as a 
private matter between father and son, 
the younger Bush insisted he had not 
consulted his father. "He is the wrong 
father to appeal to in terms of strength," 
young Bush told Woodward. "There is a 
higher father that [ appeal to." 


The higher father evidently tells him 
what he most wants to hear and imparts 
a messianic drive to his discourse. W. has 
remade himself through redemption 
and transformation, and he may well 
regard it as his God-given destiny to 
redeem and transform the Middle East. 
He sees his administration as agents cho- 
sen by God to combat evil and establish 
virtue. (Of course, Osama bin Laden, 
Mullah Omar and Muqtada al-Sadr 
think the same way.) 

Of all American presidents, Lincoln 
had the most acute religious insight. 
Though not formally enrolled in any 
denomination, he brooded over the 
mystery of the Almighty. He was intensely 
awarc of thc unfathomablc distance bc- 
tween the Supreme Being and erring 
mortals, and he would have agreed with 
Hawthorne that to claim knowledge of 
the divine will and purpose was the 


"Hey—uwhat're you trying to pull? I didn’t say that!” 


unpardonable sin. Self-righteousness 
was the existential curse. 

How Lincoln would have rejoiced in 
Mr. Dooley's definition of a fanatic. A 
fanatic, Mr. Dooley said, "does what he 
thinks th’ Lord wud do if he only knew 
th' facts in th' casc." The most dangerous 
people in the world today are those who 
convince themselves that they execute 
the vill of the Almighty. 

Lincoln summed it all up in his second 
inaugural. Both warring halves of the 
Union, he said, had read the same Bible 
and prayed to the same God. Each in- 
voked God's aid against the other. Let us 
judge not that we be not judged, for "the 
Almighty has his own purposes." 

Thurlow Weed, the boss of New York, 
sent Lincoln a letter of congratulations. 
“Menare not flattered,” Lincoln replied, 
“by being shown that there has been a 
difference of purpose between the 
Almighty and them. To deny it, however, 
in this case is to deny that there is a God 
governing the world. It is a truth which I 
thought needed to be told; and as what- 
ever of humiliation there is in it falls 
more direcily on myself, I thought oth- 
ers might afford for me to tell it." 

Reinhold Niebuhr was the great Amer- 
ican theologian of the 20th century. About 
Lincoln’s second inaugural, Niebuhr 
wrote, “This combination of moral res- 
oluteness about the immediate issues 
with a religious awareness of another di- 
mension of meaning and judgment must 
be regarded as almost a perfect model of 
the difficult but not impossible task of re- 
maining loyal and responsible toward 
the moral treasures of a free civilization 
on the one hand while yet having some 
religious vantage point over the strug- 
glc. We, on the other, as all God-fcaring 
men of all ages, are never safe against 
the temptation of claiming God too sim- 
ply as the sanctifier of whatever we most 
fervently desire.” 

Is the evangelical domination of the 
Bush administration good for democra- 
cy? Democracy presupposes negotiation 
and compromise. Evangelical religion 
deals in uncompromising absolutes. 
Perhaps George W. Bush should read 
Lincoln and Niebuhr in order to under- 
stand the limits on human knowledge of 
the divine purpose. 

Is it even good for religion? Let 
Andrew Jackson answer that question. 
Pressed by clergy to proclaim a national 
day of fasting to combat a cholera epi- 
demic, President Jackson replied that he 
could not do as they wished “without 
feeling that I might in some degree dis- 
turb the security which religion now 
enjoys in this country in its complete 
separation from the political concerns of 
the general government.” 

Let us forever honor the wisdom of 
the founding fathers and the separation 
of church and state. 


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PLAYBOY 


TABOO SEX ..... го 


As with dancing, I knew I had to work with my 
discomfort, embrace it, to get to the next level. 


As his cock entered me to the full, the 
pressure made me flinch. He looked 
down at me and said gently, “I won't 
hurt you." And although it did hurt 
physically, somehow I understood intu- 
itively that it wasn't about the pain; it was 
about something else. As with dancing, I 
knew I had to work with my discomfort, 
embrace it, to get to the next level. 

Then he fucked me in the ass. Is this 
what he learned while he was out of 
town? It was my first time. Ever. My 
God, he was good. I mean bad. What 
nerve he had. So graceful. It was slow, 
very careful, very connected and 
painful. It was here, in there, that I first 
moved through pain and fear to that 
plateau on the other side called bliss. 
Bliss is not a pain-free zone but rather a 
postpain zone. Big difference. 

"That virgin voyage was an emotional 
and anatomical miracle: If | had walked 
on water, I couldn't have been more 
amazcd. This was my first act of sacri- 
fice that was not mired in the vicious 
circle of narcissism, the first that deliv- 
ered me to an entirely new place in- 
Stead of a new angle on the old one. I 
have been changed ever since. And it 
began physically with the act that pro- 
posed the mystery, and psychically with 
my decision to allow it—the best one I 
ever made. I simply wanted to let this 
particular man into me. I wanted who 
he was deep inside of who I was. 

Of course, it also took balls to want and 
try and dare to fuck me in my tight little 
ass. ГИ respect him forever for that. 
Finally, a man who was not afraid. The 
Young Man, Three-Way Man, was trans- 
figured before my eyes. A-Man was born. 

And so it began, in naive complicity, 
once a week, twice a week, three times a 
week. Mostly late afternoons. He was an 
expert, and I was willing. 


Once initiated I couldn't help thinking 
about anal everything. Including the me- 
chanics, The digestive system is a one-way 
pipe through which peristaltic contrac- 
tions urge food from mouth to anus. Ass 
fucking comprises the bold and contrary 
attempt to travel the route in reverse. 
Fucking a pussy is entering a cave with 
only one pinprick exit—the hole in the 
cervix that enters the womb, the “exit” 
to parenthood. A-Man and I exist be- 
yond the intercourse that breeds babies. 
That's good too; don't get me wrong. 
But we live in the world beyond, behind. 
In the place where depth and love seem 
infinite, ever growing. The physical 


146 depth somehow leads into emotional 


depth as if my soul slept in my bowels 
and is now awakened. 

If you want to procreate, enter the 
front door. But if you really want to be- 
come part of a woman's internal work- 
ings, to penetrate her being most deeply, 
the back door is your portal. Anxiety, 
that ever-present agony, exists because 
of the inescapable knowledge that all 
must end, Enter an ass and you enter an 
endless passage. It is the exit to infinity. 
"The back door to liberty. 

A pussy, genetically, wants impreg- 
nation, the juice; an asshole wants the 
ride of its life. Both holes, I would post- 
ulate, address the problem of mortality 
as caverns for creation: vaginas for 
babies, asses for art. But pussies have 
been through too much. Give them a 
rest. They are old news—tired, betrayed, 
overused, reused—and have been overly 
publicized, politicized and redeemed. 
They are no longer naughty, no longer 
the place for defiance, rebellion or re- 
birth. Pussies are now too politically 
correct. The ass is where it's at: the play- 
ground for anarchists, iconoclasts, 
artists, explorers, horny men and wom- 
en desperate to relinquish, even tem- 
porarily, the power that has been so 
hard-won by the feminist movement. Ass 
fucking realigns the balance for a 
woman with too much power—and a 
man with too little. 

Inside my bowels, A-Man hits new 
walls, new angles, and that self-preserv- 
ing voice of “Too much” echoes through 
my brain as I feel a resistance. But I have 
never said “Too much.” I breathe 
through, adjust the angle and stay where 
he pushes until I open and receive him 
further. I expand into him and the pain 
subsides, transforms, into a profound 
sensation of freedom. Every point he 
probes pierces my armor of self-protec- 
tion, and my two fears—love and 
death—momentarily lose their grip as I 
experience a moment of immortality. 


More mechanics: The inner anal sphinc- 
ter is not within conscious control. It is 
reflexively regulated by the brain in the 
gut, opening on demand. The external 
sphincter, however, is connected to and 
regulated by the conscious brain—wit- 
ness the ability to grip and hold when 
necessary, when angry, scared or 
stressed. Unconscious internal sphincter, 
conscious external sphincter, only cen- 
timeters apart. Where else is one's 
unconscious and conscious mind so inti- 
mately connected, so readily regulated, 
so easily probed? It is a psychological 


playground of the most intriguing po- 
tential. Put an ass on the couch and 
much is revealed. 

All this is to say that when I get fucked 
in the ass I have learned to play with and 
even reverse that inherent consciousness 
about gripping my ass, clenching it, show- 
ing it to no one. After all, Freud observed 
that shit is one's first creative production. 

You hear “anal sex” and you see noth- 
ing but shit—shit everywhere—but it 
just isn't like that. Hardly a trace, ever. 
All you have to do is include a nice little 
finger-in-the-ass bath prior to anal visita- 
tion. Anal sex is not about shit. It’s about 
not being afraid of it, going past it—to 
find the shit that matters. 


Despite its new legal status, sodomy 
remains the last taboo, sexually and 
socially. Oprah Winfrey talks about 
everything—rape, child molestation, 
incest, adultery, murder, drugs, homo- 
sexuality, bisexuality, even threesomes— 
but never about sodomy, except in the 
guise of abuse and criminal behavior. 
Always a scandal, never an advertise- 
ment. “Odd how 19th century literature 
is sealed off at both ends by an anal scan- 
dal," theater critic Kenneth Tynan as- 
tutely observed. “Wilde up Bosic's bum, 
Byron up Annabella’s.” Even the spell- 
checker on my computer, which recog- 
nizes more than 135,000 words, doesn't 
recognize sodomize. 

There is, however, plenty of advertise- 
ment, albeit vaginal, in Eve Ensler's pop- 
ular play The Vagina Monologues. But why 
is it that in all those interviews, all those 
questions, all those monologues, there is 
not a single mention of a woman's ass- 
hole? All that “liberated” pussy talk and 
yet so avoidant about what lies behind 
their sacred place: the hole of no return. 
It would be treason, I suppose, to advo- 
cate surrender at the rear for those who 
are finally claiming victory at the front. 
Victory from behind, however, seems so 
much morc...how can I put it...honor- 
able. I can't help wondering if my play, 
The Anal Dialogues, could find a venue 
even off, off, off Broadway. Perhaps in 
some dark performance space down 
some little-traveled back alley? 

Clearly, yelling from rooftops—or on 
national radio waves—about butt fucking 
is expensive. In April 2004 the FCC fined 
Clear Channel Communications, the na- 
tion’s largest radio broadcaster, $495,000 
for a 20-minute segment of The Howard 
Stern Show in which Stern discussed what 
he refers to as "anal." (It probably didn't 
help that the conversation was frequently 
punctuated by fart noises.) 

Despite this sodomitic censorship, ass 
fucking has made several auspicious 
appearances recently on screens both 
big and small. The subject came up reg- 
ularly in the popular TV series Sex and 
the City, whose heroines discuss not only 
men's growing interest in the ass but 


also their own willingness to accommo- 
date those interests, the appropriateness 
of doing so on a first date and the basic 
lube how-tos. Perhaps even more sur- 
prising was its mention in thc Holly- 
wood hit Bridget Jones's Diary. At one 
point, after Bridget has had sex with her 
caddish lover, Daniel Cleaver, she re- 
minds him that what they just did is 
illegal in several countries. Without. 
missing a beat, he replies that it's one of 
the reasons he's so pleased to be living 
in England today. 

Is Cleaver the latest incarnation of 
the bad-boy lover, the zipless fuck for 
the 21st century? After all, the zipless 
ass fuck simply takes zipless to a new 
hole level. So does missionary ass fuck- 
ing. The phrase itself conjures such 
perfect contradiction: the most patriar- 
chal position, the most biblically sanc- 
tioned, and yet, well, vhat a difference 
an inch can make. The experience, on 
the other hand—best achieved with a 
nice firm pillow under the ass—makes 
me feel downright missionary. After all, 
here 1 am spreading the word, sharing 
the epiphany like a born-again believer, 
a convert, an anal zealot. 


Ass fucking a woman is, clearly, about 
authority. The man's authority and the 
woman's complete acceptance о! 
man must have this confidence, in himself 
and his cock, to fuck a woman in the ass. 
Without it, his cock will direct the action: 
He will move too quickly, hurt his part- 
ner and rarely be given a second chance. 

Why A-Man has this authority I do 
not know. But I suspect it's something 
God-given, a deep knowledge of per- 
sonal responsibility. This kind of self- 
possession can get a man a long way 
with a woman, or at least partway up 
her ass. In the end, it’s who you are 
that will get you somewhere. 

He told me once that he likes being 
where he shouldn't be: crossing the vel- 
vet rope, hand in the candy jar, late to 
work, cock in my ass. A-Man made it so 
deeply into my ass because he dared. 
He's the only one who never yields to my 
will. Anyone who dares to be that inti- 
mate, that crazy—well, he might just get 
to a place he never got before. 

1 do not believe it is the arrogant, 
macho man who is the great ass fucker: 
He's too busy competing with other 
men. In my limited experience, the 
great sodomite is the patient, gentle 
man, the one who knows how to listen to 
a woman, how to be with a woman. He is 
the one who can imaginatively experi- 
ence her submission—her ге ng 
control—with her and thus knows pre- 
cisely how to get her to that place. He 
absorbs all that she gives up. He is a 
kind man, A-Man. 


WHERE 


ном 


Below is a list of retailers 
and manufacturers you 
can contact for informa- 
tion on where to find this 
month's merchandise. To 
buy the apparel and 
equipment shown on 
pages 36, 41-48, 120— 


125 and 178-179, check 

he stings Чел ай 

the stores nearest you. = 
GAMES 


Page 36: Activision, activision.com. 
EA Sports, ea.com. Majesco, majesco 
games.com. Midway, midway.com. 
Tecmo, tecmogames.com. Wired: 
өттегі, sorrent.com. 


MANTRACK 

Pages 41-48: Biotherm, biotherm 
.com. Bulova, bulova.com. Classé 
Audio, classeaudio.com. Davidoff, 
Macy’s. Dunhill, dunhill.com. Gran 
Patron, ask your local liquor store 
to order. Hotel Secreto, hotel 
secreto.com. Issey Miyake, bloom 
ingdales.com. Kenneth Cole, avail- 
able at Kenneth Cole stores. Land 
‚Rover, see your local Land Rover 
dealership. Max Longin, maxlongin 
.com. Rio Carbon, rioaudio.com. 
Santa Cruz, scskate.com. Velox, 
forzanos.com. Yves Saint Laurent, 
Neiman Marcus. 


TO 


B U Y 


TWEEDS 
Pages 120-125: Ani- 
chini, 800-553-5309. 


Bass, 800-766-6465. 
% Belvest, available at. 
Louis Boston. Beretta, 
available at Euro- 
chasse in Greenwich, 
Connecticut. Bottega 
Veneta, 877-362-1715. 
Country Gentleman, 
hats.com. Dolce & 
Gabbana, available at 
Saks Fifth Avenue. Dunhill, dunhill 
.com. Eddia, 310-275-4500. Etro, 
212-317-9096. Gran Sasso, avail- 
able at Jonathan's, Cedarhurst, 
New York. Hickey Freeman, 
800-295-2000. Jay Kos, available 
t Jay Kos, New York City. 
Joseph Abboud, josephabboud.com. 
Richmond X, 212-246-6724. 
Santoni, 212-794-3820. Torino, 
torinoinc.com. 


POTPOURRI 

Pages 178—179: Ducati, ducati.com. 
Forbidden X, cigarinthebottle 
„сот. Garden of Dreams, avail- 
able through local bookstores. 
iRobol, irobot.com. Jakks Pacific, 
jakkstvgames.com. Plantronics, 
plantronics.com. Playboy, playboy 
store.com. Sidekick II, tmobile.com. 
Waring, waringproducts.com. 


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147 


PE AR BS OY 


148 


OLIVER STONE 


(continued from page 70) 
bottom ofa pile of rejected scripts. I hap- 
pened to see it and liked the title. I read 
it and thought it was a great idea. But I 
never could have made that movie as it 
was written. Quentin was pissed that I 
changed it, but since then I've spoken to 
him, and we get along fine. I respect him, 
and I think he respects me. But there's 
no question he hurt the movie quite a bit. 
PLAYBOY: How did he hurt the movie? 
STONE: He went around the world saying 
it was a bad movie. 

PLAYBOY: He apparently retaliated in his 
script for True Romance with the charac- 
ter of a filmmaker who made a movie 
called Coming Home in a Body Bag. Yt was 
a none too subtle attack on you. 

STONE: I guess that's what he saw me as. 
It's an ugly character. God, a horror 
show. But if that’s the way he saw me, 
that's the way he saw me. Since then, 
he's gotten to know me better, I hope. At 
the time, for whatever reason, I was 
politically incorrect. I couldn't figure out. 
why Pulp Fiction was politically correct 
but Natural Born Killers was white trash. 1 
still can't. The movie was meant to be 
over-the-top. The Doors was another. 
Maybe that's partly why I still get 
dragged down by the political jackals 
who run alongside the pack. My movies 
excite the audience. To tell a story like 
the Kennedy assassination in an exciting 


way is a dramatist's delight. If I pull off 
Alexander, it'll be the greatest coup of my 
life. But yes, I got whipped a lot. Fine. 1 
got some bad press, some awful reviews. 
T got good reviews, too. It's a steady kind 
of whiplash. I'm fine with it both ways, 
and I think I understand it, but for a 
while I lost confidence. 

PLAYBOY. When did you lose confidence? 
STONE: I just had a period of adversity. I 
got worn down by 10 years of attacks. I 
did 10 films trom 1985 to 1995. I wrote a 
book. I did three documentaries and 
three commercials. Every time I made a 
movie I was perhaps overachieving in 
that I was working fast. I was always fear- 
ful that I wouldn't be able to make 
another movie, so I would start the next 
movie before I'd finished the first. I had 
a group of people to support, too, a team 
I work with. I tried to run a production 
company and produced 12 movies. 1 
ted to have my fill of this business. 
There were the attacks against Natural 
Born Killers, the attack by John Grisham, 
the attacks against /FK, bad reviews, 
Nixon was ignored. Yeah, it eventually 
got to me. I took a break at that point, 
which is exactly what I needed. I had a 
beautiful daughter then. I was devoted 
to my wife. I felt comfortable not work- 
ing. I lost my team and lived more and 
more like a pariah, but 1 saw my daugh- 
ter grow up, unlike my sons. 

PLAYBOY: How were you a different 
father to her than to your sons? 


“Now, which of you ordered the chef’s surprise?" 


STONE: It's not that 1 became a model 
father, but I enjoyed witnessing it. Im 
sull not the guy who likes taking his 
daughter to volleyball practice, but yes, I 
spend quality time with her. I have no 
patience to read to her, though. I can't 
stand reading to a child at bedtime. 
PLAYBOY: How were you different with 
your children from your first marriage? 
STONE: I love them all. I’m so proud of 
them. But with the older kids I was away 
a lot more. I just wasn't around. I wasn't 
taking the kids to the movies, but how 
many of these stupid fucking kids 
movies can you see anyway? Now I go to 
the movies with my older son, Sean, who 
is 18, and it’s different. He's a great 
movie companion. 

PLAYBOY: Are you substantially different 
from your parents? 

STONE: I’m sometimes different, some- 
times the same. We all wrestle with that 
onc. We don't want to make the same 
mistakes, but sometimes we do. 

PLAYBOY: Was your childhood happy? 
STONE: Not particularly. I grew up in 
Manhattan. There was no nature any- 
where. I wore ties and suits every day. 1 
was an outsider, | think. I tried to stay 
anonymous. 1 wanted to be Willie Stone, 
which was the name I used then. I used 
Willie because of Willie Mays. Wi had 
a crewcut. He attended all-boys board- 
ing schools and all-boys summer camps. 
I was never around women. 

PLAYBOY: Is it true that your father 
brought you toa хос so you could 
lose your virginity? 
STONE: Yes, because I guess I needed his 
help. There were no women around at 
school. My father was a generous man, 
and Iove him to this day for it. 
PLAYBOY: Some people might find it inap- 
propriate for a father to bring his son to 
a prostitute. 

STONE: T here's a great tradition of that, I 
believe. For me it was great. There were 
no scars. I can see that bad habits could 
develop, but they didn't for me. I've had 
healthy relationships since then. I think 
more, not less, fucking is good—1960s 
love is not a bad thing. 

PLAYBOY: When did you first use drugs? 
STONE: I lived an isolated life before I 
went to tnam. I didn't know who 
Elvis Presley was. I didn't know rock and 
roll. I didn't know grass. I didn't know 
what a black man was. 1 didn't knov any 
of that until I went to Vietnam. It all hit 
there. It’s all in Platoon. 

PLAYBOY: After Vietnam you were ar- 
rested for possession of drugs. 

STONE: And the charges were dismissed 
in the interest of justice [laughs]. Basic- 
ally I was doing light drugs like grass 
and psychotropics. I never heard of 
harder drugs until much later, when I 
got to Hollywood. 

PLAYBOY: Did you become addicted to 
those drugs? 

STONE: No, but I had a troubled period 
with them. 


PLAYBOY: Did you go into rehab? 
STONE: No, I quit cold turkey and went 
to Paris. I never did those fucking drugs 
again. It beat the shit out of me. T 
thought I was becoming a worsc writer. 
It was dangerous. I thought I was blow- 
ing my life. 1 cut my ties and moved to 
Paris with my then wife. 
PLAYBOY: Do you still use drugs? 
STONE: Maybe. It's not smart to talk too 
much about it. I believe in natural 
things, but I also take care of myself. 
PLAYBOY: Do you exercise? 
STONE: I do. I go to the gym. I have 
exercised for most of my life. 
PLAYBOY: How is your current relation- 
ship different from your marriages? 
STONE: I found a South Korean woman 
who is terrific. She's amazing, support- 
ive. I'm so lucky to have found this love 
in my life. She was there when Га 
retreated and my daughter was born. 
Finally 1 found the time to write Alexan- 
der. It could have happened only when I 
was demoralized and withdrawn, so ulti- 
mately it was a good thing. Going into 
Alexander was symbolic as much as any- 
se. I had to persevere, and I did. 
es tend to reflect where I am 
emotionally. I'd been deluding myself, 
and so I was drawn to a movie about 
self delusion, which was Nixon. The 
football movie, Any Given Sunday, came 
from anticorporate fires that were brew- 
ing in me. It was a protest against those 
forces. On and on. 
PLAYBOY: If your movies are emotional 
barometers, what does Alexander say 
about you now? 
STONE: The process helped raise me out. 
of the morass of the present world. It 
took me back in time to an ancient place 
where men had higher ideals and strived 
to execute them. When I decided to 
make the movie, I thought, What harm 
can come to me by being associated with 
that kind of energy for three years? It 
helped me enormously. It made me 
more positive, stronger. It may sound 
ridiculous, but I feel Alexander's spirit 
helped me surmount huge obstacles. 
PLAYBOY: In the meantime you made two 
television documentaries about Fidel 
Castro. What prompted them? 
STONE: ГА met him in 1987 when I 
showed Salvador at the Havana Film 
Festival. I didn't return there until 
2002, when a Spanish producer set up 
an interview. It wasn't going to be a big 
documentary, just an interview for 
Spanish television. We talked a lot 
about Brigitte Bardot. 
PLAYBOY: For which you were accused of 
pandering to him. 
STONE: Unfairly. 1 saw great value in a 
deep look into a man who has had an 
enormous impact on history. I was never 
a journalist, grilling him on his human 
rights record. That wasn't my purpose. I 
wanted to get inside his head. I did, too. 
I was accused of humanizing him, but 
what does ıhat mean? I suggest that it's 


useful to understand world leaders on 
the deepest possible level. Once again, 
though, people want a black-and-white 
story—Castro, Cuba, communist. What 
s therc to bc said? 

PLAYBOY: Didn't you have the opposite 
agenda, to deify Castro? You have de- 
scribed him as moral, selfless and wisc. 
STONE: I didn't go in with much of an 
impression at all. I admired him because 
he'd done something extraordinary with 
his life. Through the interviews, I came 
to respect him. What other world leader 
would talk so straight to you, with the 
camera rolling and without a PR assis- 
tant? Let him be heard, for Christ's sake. 
The American people have a right to 
hear the guy who lives 90 miles away on 
a hostile little island. I was criticized for 
humanizing him, but if I had demonized 
him, they would have loved it. 

PLAYBOY: Did you hear from him again? 
STONE: Yeah, he likes Comandante [a film 
with a Q&A format that ran on Spanish 
television] very much. It was shown in 
Havana, and it's a huge success. 1 re- 
turned to do the HBO documentary 
Looking for Fidel. I'm not sure he liked 
me after that, because 1 interviewed 
dissidents in Cuba, and he didn't want 
me to do that 

PLAYBOY: For the HBO movie, you held 
a bizarre discussion with men who tried 
to flee Cuba. They were being tried. 
Castro was present. They were contrite, 
but it seemed phony. They would have 
been punished had they spoken to you 
freely. Did you feel that Castro orches- 
trated the conversation? 

STONE: No, because he had no idea what 
they would say. 

PLAYBOY: Yet he held all the power. Had 
they criticized him or his government, 
he could and probably would have pun- 
ished them. 

STONE: It was still an amazing opportu- 
nity to show them and their plight. The 
sentences they received were horribly 
severe. I hope he reconsiders. It seems 
to me he could have taken a more re- 
formist line after the fall of the Soviet 
Union, but he would argue that the anti- 
Castro forces in the United States are 
very dangerous for him. 

PLAYBOY: Are you bitter and pessimistic? 
STONE: [ hope not. 

PLAYBOY: How do you retain a sense of 
optimism when things are as corrupt 
and bleak as you depict them? 

STONE: You find other kinds of beauty. 
Moments can be deadly, so moments 
can be beautiful. You must find the 
beauty. So get on with it. If one door is 
blocked, move to another door. Adapt. 
If they try to stop you, find a way to 
persevere. Yes, if you call attention to 
yourself, you'll get nailed. I try to shake 
it up, and sometimes 1 suffer for it. But 
I won't stop. It's my duty. 


Y Y 


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PLAYBOY 


150 


John Carmack 

(continued from page 119) 
by the nose. I wouldn't do something for 
more money unless it was already some- 
thing I wanted to do. 


9 


PLAYBOY: You dropped out of the Univer- 
sity of Missouri after one year. Does col- 
lege have any benefit for an aspiring 
game programmer? 

CARMACK: I tell people who are looking to 
get into the industry that the best thing 
they can do is demonstrate their ability. 
Do a game model in which you show 
what you can do. That means so much 
more to me than a diploma. A diploma is 
not even going to register. An MIT or a 
Caltech alum might get at least a raised 
eyebrow, but in general you're much 


better off being the team leader of the 
most popular game mod on the Net. 


10 


PLAYBOY: You own Armadillo Aerospace, 
a rocket-research company that is com- 
peting for the Ansari X Prize, a $10 mil- 
lion contest for the first team to launch a 
three-man crew out of the atmosphere 
and then do it again within two weeks. 
How close are you to liftoff? 

CARMACK: We have two vehicles right now, 
a subscale model and a full-size model. 
We've done hover tests under a crane with 
the full-size model, and we just revamped 
the propulsion system. We're starting to 
fly the smaller one in untethered free 
flights, I had hoped we'd be further along 
than this, but we ran into a problem and 
spent the better part of last year devel- 
oping a new propellant combination. 


“He says he’s a writer on “The Bachelorette,’ but he’s really 


a designer for ‘Queer Eye for the Straight Guy. 


11 

PLAYBOY: Why private space flight? 
What's the matter with NASA? 

CARMACK: NASA has evolved itself into a 
corner and doesn't have the opportunity 
to go back and do the necessary wide- 
ranging experimental work. Once these 
rockets were worked out, they were 
scaled as big and as fast as possible. The 
launcher, the satellite and the payload 
now cost more than a billion dollars. You 
don't experiment with billion-dollar 
payloads. If you go back and read NASA 
technical reports from the 1960s and 
early 1970s, they are wonderful. Techni- 
cal reports from NASA today read like a 
survey of management practices. 


12 


PLAYBOY: Your team recently purchased a 
Russian space suit on eBay. Are you 
going to use it? Aren't you afraid it will 
be a case of getting what you pay for? 
CARMACK: A lot of stuff is available, but I 
wouldn't want to be in the position of 
depending on something that I didn't 
know I could get in quantity. The space 
suit was an exception, because at $5,000 
it was really cheap. We bought some 
adapters and fittings so we could pres- 
surize it with our air system. As we were 
pressurizing it, one of the zippers blew 
out, which is really scary when you're 
looking for leaks and trying to patch 
things up. It just exploded. The zipper 
had clearly been stitched on by hand. It's 
amazing, because American space suits 
cost millions of dollars. The U.S. had this 
huge research program to develop pres- 
sure-sealing space suit zippers that would 
hold pressure on the inside and the out- 
side. It is incredible technology. Russian 
space suits have a rubberized internal 
layer separate from the outside. You 
climb in, and—no kidding—you wrap it 
up, tie a rubber band around it and pull 
the zipper over that. That's the Russian 
procedure, and it works just fine. 


13 


PLAYBOY: In the late 1990s you were 
notoriously critical of Microsoft's graph- 
ics software. Now you're competing for 
the Ansari X Prize against Microsoft co- 
founder Paul Allen. Do you ever do any- 
thing that doesn't include some battle 
with Microsoft? 

CARMACK: I've had legitimate differences 
with Microsoft over graphics technology, 
and that's been an issue for a long time. 
But in general, especially in hard-core 
geek circles, I find myself defending 
Microsoft. Its development environment 
totally kicks ass. The company has brutal 
business tactics, but if you look at it objec- 
tively, it does good stuff. 


14 
PLAYBOY: Seriously, which is better, Xbox 
or PlayStation2? 
CARMACK: Xbox. Without a doubt. 


15 


rLAYBOY: How has online file swapping 
affected the game industry? 

Carmack: Although I’m an intellectual- 
property owner, 1 come down sympa- 
thetically on these issues. The games I 
played when I was 14 were pirated. I did 
save up my money to buy a few games, 
but I had a shoebox full of copied ones. 
So it would be hypocritical of me to 
denounce that now. A lot of people love 
our games and pay for them, and maybe 
an equal number of people who haven't 
paid are also playing our games. Sure, it 
would be nice if they paid, but I wouldn’t 
want to imagine a world that had the 
technical securities in place that would 
make it impossible for them even to play. 


16 


PLAYBOY: Why hasn't the game industry 
reacted as litigiously to file swapping as 
the music industry? 

CARMACK: Probably because most game 
companies still love games. When you lis- 
ten to people from the recording industry, 
it's hard not to get the impression that 
their business is about the bottom line and 
that they have no sympathy for anyone 
who would ever steal from them. 


17 


PLAYBOY: When you were 23 years old, you 
paid cash for your first Ferrari with the 


money you made from Wolfenstein 3D. Did 
the salesman think you were joking? 
CARMACK: This was back before my wite 
cleaned me up, so I was wearing jeans 
with holes in them. I pulled up in my 
Miata, walked into the dealership and 
said, "Sell me a Ferrari." They took it 
pretty much in stride. I bought a Ferrari 
328 for $68,000 and six months later 
had it turbocharged. 


18 


PLAYBOY: What is the one Ferrari model 
every guy should drive in his lifetime? 
CARMACK: The F40 is fun because it's like 
a super go-cart. It doesn't have door 
handles; it has a pull cord on the inside. 
We were at a restaurant, and when the 
valet came to pull it around we could tell 
it vas going to be the highlight of his 
week. He got in, closed the door and 
couldn't figure out how to start it be- 
cause it uses a starter button instead of a 
key. Then he couldn't get out because it 
had no door handles. We had to teach 
him how to step out of the car. 


19 


PLAYBOY: Can you talk yourself out of a 
speeding ticket? 

CARMACK: Í got one speeding ticket when 
I was in one of my Ferraris. That's it. 
Another time I was let off of a speeding 
ticket I really deserved to get. The F40 
had been in the shop for a long time. I 


had just picked it up after work, it was 
about two A.M., and I was on this deserted 
road. 1 decided to see what the latest 
modifications could do. I tore over a hill 
at about 140 miles an hour, and just as I 
was upshifting into fifth, I passed a cop 
in the median. He instantly popped his 
lights on, and I just pulled over. I had 
my license and registration out, and I 
told him, “I deserve this 110 percent." 
He ran my license, came back and said, 
“Thanks for not making me try to chase 
you. Why don't you find some other 
place to do that?" 


20 


PLAYBOY: You're a notorious worka- 
holic. What's the key to surviving an 
80-hour workweek? 

CARMACK: It's a problem only when you 
have conflicts. Most people run into 
problems with their wife or girlfriend 
when they work too much. If the work is 
what you want to do, it naturally follows 
that you're focused. So you sit there and 
get it done. That has always been one of 
my strengths: picking goals and doing 
what I have to do to get there. I was fin- 
ished with my work on Doom 3 while the 
rest of the team was in crunch mode. 
Everybody was working insane hours, 
and Га feel bad leaving at 10 вм. to put 
in a couple of hours on the rocket. 


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152 would do to ensure a steady supply of 


IDENTITY арртст 


(continued from page 116) 


He decided he would steal the financial soul of 
Andrew McKelvey, worth an estimated $2.1 billion. 


in a series of phone calls and e-mails to 
bank employees, then attempted to 
transfer $1.5 million out of Paulson's 
personal account. Fabozzi also heard 
that Paul Allen—or someone pretend- 
ing to be the Microsoft billionaire—had 
transferred $10 million into an overseas 
account without obtaining the usual 
permissions. By the end of the month, 
after canvassing every major bank and. 
brokerage house in New York, Fabozzi 
had more names to add to his list of 
victims, and he suspected there were 
others he didn't know about. He went 
to his boss and stated what had, by then, 
become the only obvious conclusion to 
be drawn from the list: "Someone is tar- 
geting business celebrities." 

For Fabozzi the case held special signif- 
icance. Not only did it involve promi- 
nent victims, it vividly illustrated a point 
he'd been trying to make for years about 
the financial system's vulnerability to 
identity theft. 

He found few leads. The only trail the 
thiefleft behind was an anonymous Inter- 
net address, 949565rls(? yahoo.com, 
which had been used to open several ille- 
gal accounts. Tracing the e-mail back to 
an ISP address, a computer's unique 
Internet identifier, Fabozzi found it had 
originated at the Brooklyn Public Library, 
where four dirty beige terminals were 
handled by thousands of people cach 
week. Abdallah was routing his computer 
traffic through the public library's com- 
puters from a wireless laptop. 

By November 2000, crack agents 
from the Secret Service and Postal Ser- 
vice joined the NYPD in Operation 
CEO, as it was now called, but authori- 
ties were no closer to finding their sus- 
pect than they had been on the day 
Fabozzi started the case. They were still 
hunting a man whose name they didn’t 
know and whose face they'd never 
seen—a ghost who was stealing millions 
and whose only physical presence was a 
blip on the Internet. Operation CEO 
had become a personal matter for 
Fabozzi, and he grew so obsessed with 
the case that һе had trouble sleeping. 
He awoke in the middle of the night, 
thinking, This guy really knows how the. 
system works. He's doing it exactly the 
way I would if I ever turned bad. 


Abdallah started a new con shortly 
after the Soros setback. His opportunity 
came in the mail, in the form of a rebate 
check from Canon for a printer he had 
purchased months earlier. This was not 
a coincidence. One of the things he 


raw material for forging checks was to. 
overpay for items so he'd be sent rebates; 
the face of the check lists the corpora- 
tion's account number. By calling the 
bank, Abdallah was able to determine 
that his $30 rebate check was linked to a 
Canon corporate account stocked with 
as much as $50 million. Using his new 
printer, he produced a second check 
with the original check's account code, 
changing the amount payable from $30 
to $6.5 million. 

He made out the check to his newly 
minted identity, an IBM executive 
named John Williams. Abdallah gave 
Williams a complete work history. He 
drew up several years’ worth of tax re- 
turns, thus verifying his income, and 
printed out pay stubs with an IBM logo. 
He took a photograph from Sports Illus- 
trated and used it to doctor a passport. 
He applied for and was given a credit 
card in John Williams's name, and with 
it he opened an account at a Bahamas 
bank. After transferring $100 from. 
Williams's credit card to the bank to 
keep the account active, he sent the 
bank the forged $6.5 million check. He 
waited three days for the check to clear, 
constantly checking Canon's account to 
see if its balance had changed. On the 
fourth day he lost patience and called 
the bank. "They said yes, the check is 
good," he recalls. "But then they said 
they called IBM and found out nobody 
by that name worked there.” 

The collapse of the Canon scam did 
not deter him. Looking for vulnerabil- 
ities, he was still testing the system. He 
recalls, "It became a challenge to see if I 
could get the checks to clear." 

On December 21 Abdallah settled on 
a new mark. After reviewing hundreds 
of accounts culled from the Forbes list, 
he decided he would steal the financial 
soul of Andrew McKelvey, the owner of 
Monster.com, who was worth an esti- 
mated $2.1 billion. He began by calling 
McKelvey's brokerage firm, Merrill 
Lynch. The interaction was captured by 
an automatic recorder. 

“Good evening, this is John Smith with 
customer service. How can I help you?" 

*Good evening, John. I'm having 
problems going online." 

"What is your account number?" 

Abdallah reads an account num- 
ber into the phone, but the number 
is incorrect. 

"You did something wrong. That 
can't be the number," says the cus- 
tomer service representative. "What's 
your name?" 

"Andrew MeKelvey.” 

"Whar's your Social Security number?" 


Abdallah provides the correct number. 

“Were you trying to reach Merrill 
Lynch online, sir?” 

“I'm trying to access my account.” 

"Okay, bear with me one moment. Do 
you have another account number? That 
would help me.” 

Abdallah repeats the wrong number 
he gave the first time 

“Did you by any chance close any of 
your accounts, sir?" 

"No." 

"Okay. Do you have an account with 
money in it?” 

"Yeah, over a hundred," Abdallah 
says, being intentionally vague. By not 
specifying $100, $100,000 or $100 mil- 
lion, he doesn't convey his ignorance 
and makes it appear as if he has the 
account information right in front of 
him on paper. 

“Hold on for a second, please. Okay, is 
there a name on the account?" 

"Andrew McKelvey." 

“Is it in care of anyone?" 
“Monster.com.” 
“Okay. I can't find the account you 

gave me. There are a lot of accounts with. 
money in them, but they are business ac- 
counts. Do you have a log-in number?” 

"No. How do I get access to the 
accounts?" 

"I need to verify your personal infor- 
mation. What is your Social Security 
number?" 

Abdallah answers, as if reciting from 
memory. 

"Date of birth?" 

He answers. 

"Address?" 

He answers. 

"The account number is 55XX- 
XXXXX." 

"Do I need the log-in ID?" 

“That is the log-in ID. Do you have 
a password?" 

“No, I don't." 

“The computers are very slow. Please 
hold on." 

"] know the feeling." 

“Okay. The log-in is the last six digits 
of your Social. Here is the password: 
34XXXX. Is there anything else I can 
help you with today, sir?” 

“No, thanks." 

“Thank you for calling Merrill Lynch, 

and have a nice evening, sir." 

A few minutes after he hung up the 
phone, Abdallah called Merrill Lynch 
again. His objective, now that he had the 
proper codes, was to find out how much 
money McKelvey had available. 

The Merrill Lynch representative asks 
how she can help him. 

"Yeah, I wanna find out my account 
balances." 
"What is your account number, sir?" 

Abdallah provides the correct number 
he has just obtained. 

"Just one moment, sir. Could you 
please verify your name, Social Security 
number and address? 


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Abdallah provides the information. 

“I can tell you on that account, as of 
the dose of business yesterday, you have 
$53,370.86. It will not be updated until 
the morning." 

Guessing that McKelvey has much 
more money stashed in another account, 
Abdallah asks, “Do you have access to my 
other accounts? I don't know the account 
numbers offhand." 

“ГИ take a look, sir. What kind of 
account would I be looking for?" 

"A corporate account." 

"I need you to verify your Social Secu- 
rity number." 

He does. 

"So you just want the two corporate 
accounts that I see here?" 

even 

“Which one did you м 
that is managed by a financial manage- 
ment firm? The one that might have a 
great Аса! of money in it?" 

“Yeah, that one.” 

“The one with $270 million?” 

“Yeah.” 

“Okay. The balance on that account is 
$277,133,233, as of the close of business 
yesterday.” 

The conversation continues, and Ab- 
dallah asks how he can link that account 
to a so-called direct account, which he 
has already opened with Merrill Lynch 
in McKelvey's name. If he can link the 
two accounts and transfer money from 
the corporate account into the direct 
one, he can withdraw the funds as cash 
or send them to another bank account 
in McKelvey's name. Abdallah calls 
Merrill Lynch twice more in the next 


hour and is finally able to link the two 
accounts. Abdallah then transfers $200 
million in stock to the new account. 


PART Ш: YOU CAN'T IMAGINE 


One day in early January 2001, 
Fabozzi was walking down the halls of 
police headquarters at One Police Plaza 
when he bumped into a colleague who 
happened to be working a separate 
investigation into credit card fraud. He 
mentioned that several of the stolen 
cards were being used to purchase com- 
puter equipment that was then shipped 
to a PostNet store at 29 John Street in 
lower Manhattan. 

That address matched the one listed 
on Paul Allen's fraudulent account, and 
Fabozzi took an educated guess that the 
cases might be connected. “Next time 
you got à package going there, let me 
know," Fabozzi said. 

That month, one of the stolen cards 
was used to buy a mobile credit card 
reader with a keypad. It was to be 
shipped to 29 John Street. Fabozzi set up 
a sting. Police intercepted the package 
en route to the PostNet store and hid a 
tracking device inside the box. But on 
the day of the pickup, the courier Abdal- 
lah had sent to retrieve the package sus- 
pected something was amiss and drove 
away with the trunk open as undercover 
agents started to approach the car. He 
drove off so quickly that not one of the 
agents was able to catch the car's license 
plate number, and nobody had seen the 
driver's face. 

"I was absolutely furious," Fabozzi 
recalls. “It was a total disaster." 


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The elation Abdallah had felt about 
controlling such a large sum quickly dis- 
appeared. He began compulsively log- 
ging on to the Merrill Lynch website to 
check the McKelvey accounts. “I would 
try to say, ‘I'm feeling good. I'm not de- 
pressed, " he recalls. “And then when 
the high wears down, that's when I feel 
the guilt, because I have to do the whole 
thing again, do it all over, to get up 
again." Hc continued his attacks against 
others on the Forbes list. He compiled 
information on more than 200 of them 
and spent his days going down the list 
name by nare, trying to infiltrate their 
financial identities. At one point he was 
able to impersonate Paul Allen and 
n his name. To make 
them seem legitimate, he set up a voice- 
mail account with the message "Hello, 
this is Paul Allen. I'm away from my 
desk. But if you leave a message ГЇЇ get 
right back to you." 

"fo support the scheme, he also opened 
several hundred bank accounts in differ- 
ent namcs all over the country, as well as 
dozens more abroad in Singapore, Hong 
Kong, the Isle of Man and elsewhere. "It 
was such a pain in the ass opening up an 
account in all these tax havens that don't 
release information to the United States 
government," he says. He tried as much 
as possible to sign papers via fax, but 
when a signature was required in person, 
Abdallah was willing to travel. 

In the winter of 2001 he had so many 
bank account applications pending in 
locations around the world, he decided 
it was worth the risk of leaving the coun- 
try to get them settled. He dressed in a 
blazer and button-down shirt and flew to 
Amsterdam, the Bahamas and Fiji with a 
brunette call girl he'd hired for $3,500 
plus food, shopping and first-class 
accommodations. He says the trips were 
not pleasure cruises: “You have no idea 
how taxing it is. Sure, you have a girl, 
but when you're traveling just to open 
accounts, it's very tiring.” 

Acting the part of a harried executive 
who couldn't keep track of his funds, 
Abdallah said, "Could we just go down 
the list?" The customer service represen- 
tative would read him the last three 
numbers of the account, and he would 
give her the whole account number. 
"Then he said, "I need to set up another 
account, and I want to transfer some- 
thing from each of these accounts into 
this account." 

Abdallah transferred "about $38 mil- 
lion," by his reckoning, from Intel's Gor- 
don Moore into an account he'd opened 
in Gibraltar, which has strict bank-privacy 
laws. “It's amazing how easy they make it 
seem," he says. "There are no callbacks. 
There's no verification. Nothing. The 
representative asked me twice, “What's 
your account code?” I told her I didn't 
have it with me. She said, 'Oh, you 


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should always keep that handy in case 
you need it.’ 1 said, ‘I know, I know, but 
because of the balance in my account, I 
really don't like to keep the number with 
me. And I should remember и.” 

Abdallah was constantly in motion— 
moving cash, hiding cash and withdraw- 
ing cash. He needed several notebooks 
to keep track of all the accounts he'd 
opened. "I was getting tired of the whole 
thing," he says. To maintain appearances 
he continued to chop vegetables daily in 
the basement of Zaytoons, but inside he 
was feverish. "I don't remember much of 
the time," he says now. "There was so 
much going on at once. I couldn't keep 
track of everything. I was staying up at 
night to open accounts in Hong Kong. I 
had to hire translators. And the forms 
they made me fill out—they were huge. 1 
mean, pages and pages.” He sighs and 
looks searchingly into my face. “It was so 
much. You can’t imagine.” 

By this point, the cycle of excitement 
and guilt had become so destabilizing 
that Abdallah considered having himself 
“committed in the hospital,” he says. But 
in the end, he couldn't bring himself to 
quit, to leave behind the thrill of getting 
over on the system. “I couldn't stop. I 
wanted to stop, but I couldn't," he tells 

е. "I wanted to be such a success so 
bad. I wanted to do this on my own." 

He was torn between "lying low for a 
year with $100 million" and continuing. 
onward "for half a billion or a billion." 
He felt that the success he desired so 
strongly was close at hand. “Everything 
was in place for a billion," he says. "For 
allthe work 1 had done for the first $100 
million, the second $100 million was 
easier. And I thought, Well, why not go 
for a billion?" He planned to disappear 
in Europe after he got the money and 
eventually set up an investment firm. 

But he felt there was one final step to 
becoming a success. During his most. 
recent prison stay, Abdallah had rubbed 
elbows with two men he came to idolize: 
junk-bond king Michael Milken and a 
Swiss banker serving time for launder- 
ing drug money. He befriended both 
men, he says, and one day he asked the 
banker for some tips on how to hide 
stolen money. "Charter your own bank," 
the man said. So in late February, Abdal- 
lah decided to do just that. The theory аз 
he explained it to me was “if you control 
the charter, you control everything. If 
you have your own bank and you 
deposit a check in your account, that 
bank has the last record. Once that bank 
closes, everything dies with it.” A bank 
could be chartered in Africa for a 
$20,000 fec, Abdallah learned, and he 
prepared the paperwork for filing. 

At the same time, he had another scam 
going that needed one finishing touch. 
He had compiled several hundred credit 
card numbers from the Forbes list, and 
after testing many of them he'd deter- 
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charges on. He had set up a dummy 
corporation linked to his overseas ac- 
counts and had bought a $25,000 credit 
card press. By using an actual card in his 
credit card reader rather than punching 
in the account number, Abdallah could 
save himself one-half percent on the two 
percent merchant surcharge that banks 
levy on vendors who use mobile readers. 
The idea of paying that extra charge, 
even though it was on money he'd 
stolen, drove him to distraction. "I'm a 
perfectionist,” he says. “I cant help that. 
Everything has to be perfect. Í can't 
stand something getting over on me." 


While his prey was frenetically robbing 
the richest people in America, Detective 
Fabozzi couldn't catch a break. Then, in 
early March 2001, after six months of 
near misses, an alert cam on a stolen 
credit card. It turned out that Abdallah 
had ordered a new hard drive on one of 
the credit card accounts the NYPD was 
tracking. Fabozzi had his squad intercept 
the package. Otber detectives posing as 
UPS workers then delivered it to its desti- 
nation, a Brooklyn garage. A mechanic 
working at the garage signed for the 
package, and Fabozzi had him arrested 
on the spot. The detective persuaded the 
mechanic to call the next person up the 
chain. He and five other plainclothes 
detectives huddled in the back of the 
garage and waited. 

Abdallah was chatting amiably on a 
cell phone as he shuffled toward the 
garage. When he looked up and saw the 
men, he spun around and scuttled to his 
car. Using the remote control, he 
opened the doors, hopped in and started 
the ignition. 

“That's him," Fabozzi cried. 

As the cops shouted and drew their. 
guns, Fabozzi sprinted to the side of the 
car. Then the former college basketball 
player jumped up and dived headfirst 
into the sun roof. He put Abdallah in a 
headlock and started to squeeze. 

“Where you going?" he shouted. "You 
going somewhere?” 

“Okay, okay. You got ти 

Fabozzi handcuffed him and leaned 
against the car to catch his breath while 
the others searched the car. In the front 
seat, police found a copy of the Forbes 
issue devoted to the 400 list. When he 
saw the magazine, Fabozzi knew this was 
the suspect he had been tracking for six 
months. Operation CEO had its man. 


As the federal authorities prepared 
their case and looked through the evi- 
dence, the dog-eared copy of Forbes 
proved to be the most damning, for it 
was one of the few things directly linking 
Abdallah to the crime. Next to each 
name on the richest Americans list, 
Abdallah had written the person's Social 
Security number, date of birth, address, 


bank information, bank account number 
and other personal details. A black port- 
folio contained a notebook listing all the 
fraudulent checks Abdallah had used in 
the past and a forged check that was 
about to be mailed to Merrill Lynch in a 
Fed Ex folder, with an application signed 
and filled out. 

Abdallah pleaded guilty to 12 counts of 
fraud. He has not yet been sentenced. 
‘The likely range is 11 to 14 years, based on 
the severity of the crime, which prosec 
tors estimate at “in excess of $80 million, 
an amount representing the maximum 
the law accounts for. Abraham's older 
brother, Tony, also came under investiga- 
tion and had his bank accounts frozen. 
Detectives believed the three brown- 
stones he owns in Brooklyn had been 
purchased with Abraham's funds; the au- 
thorities were not able to prove this, how- 
cver, and Tony was cleared. 

During Abdallah's arraignment, 
Richard Reinhardt, the FBI fraud spe- 
cialist who had been the team leader on 
three of Abdallah's previous cases, sat in 
the back row of the courtroom. When 
Abdallah shuffled in, the two men nodded 
in friendly recognition. Then the thief 
gave his statement to the judge. He said 
he was deeply sorry and had never. 
intended to hurt anyone but suffered 
from a compulsion that drove him to 
steal identities. Reinhardt had heard this 
before, and though he says he once 
believed it, he no longer does. “His track 
record speaks for itself," Reinhardt says. 
“He has a history as an adult of commit- 


ting these crimes, and in my opinion he 
tries to learn from his mistakes. Sure, he 
can't stop. This is what he does. It’s who 
t a compulsion? Maybe. But that 
t make him any less responsible." 

Reinhardt is now retired. I was able to 
contact him through the FBI, but he 
would not give me his phone number. 
"After dealing with Abraham and people. 
like him for so many years, I have taken 
many serious steps in my retirement to 
make it hard to find me," he says. 
Another law enforcement figure who 
was significant in Abdallah's most recent 
case, the parole officer who took respon- 
sibility for him in Brooklyn—and to 
whom Abdallah reported on a weekly 
basis even as he ran large-scale frauds— 
has relocated to another jurisdiction. 
“Do me a favor," he says when I reach 
him. “Don't tell Abraham where I am, 
not even the state." 


‘The notion that Abdallah, despite get- 
ting caught, might have succeeded in 
stealing and then hiding a large sum of 
money struck prosecutors and others 
familiar with the case as eminently plau- 
sible. For his part, Abdallah has said that. 
he told authorities the "location of every 
penny," except for “maybe $64,000 that 
Tsomehow lost track of." 

Reinhardt, however, believes there 
may bea lot more to account for. "There 
was always a discrepancy between what 
you knew he took and what you could 
find," he says. 


"I have so much to be thankful for. For one thing, 
my date Claudia." 


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"It wouldn't surprise me if he were to 
have access to a lot of money when he 
gets out,” says Fabozzi. “He's so good at 
creating identities that he could have an 
account in, let's say, the Isle of Man, with 
your name and your Social Security 
number, and as long as it hasn't defaulted 
and it's not interest-bearing, you'll never 
know about it. So he could have, say, $5 
million sitting in an account under your 
name, Mark Boal, and you'd never 
know. Never. It would just sit there. 
Then when he gets out, it’s his. How 
could we possibly find that?” 

During my last interview with Abdal- 
lah, I mention Fabozzi's scenario. If he 
had stashed $10 million or $20 million in 
a foreign bank, he probably wouldnt tell 
anyone, would he? 

Abdallah looks at me as if I’m crazy. 
“Probably not,” he says with a chuckle. 

“They make it so easy,” he says. “They 
just tell you whatever you want to know. 
So many customers call in for informa- 
tion, and they don't want to alienate 
them, so they try to please them. If you 
don't answer one question, they say, ‘Oh, 
don't worry about it. What is your Social 
Security number? What is your date of 
birth? What is your address?” Like you 
can’t get that information.” 

We talk for a few more minutes about 
his life in prison, and he yolunteers that 
he is taking antidepressants to help him 
cope with stress. Then, as I get up to 
leave, he offers his hand and says, “Yeah, 
I could have had a billion." Even with 
the drugs’ dulling effects, in his eye I 
detect a glint that suggests he is not quite 
ready to retire. 


EPILOGUE: NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN 


In May 2001, a couple of months alter 
capturing Abdallah, Fabozzi testified 
about the case before a congressional 
committee on the misuse of Social Secu- 
rity numbers. Since then, President 
Bush has signed the Identity Theft 
Penalty Enhancement Act, and this may 
act as a deterrent against casual thieves. 
The vulnerabilities in the system, ac- 
cording to experts, remain the same as 
they were in 2001. 

Fabozzi has kept a copy of the testi- 
mony he read that year. Sitting in his of- 
fice now, three years later, he reads part 
ofit aloud. “Entities that have access to a 
consumer's personal identifying infor- 
mation should be si ly accountable as 
to who they provide such information,” 
he reads, then stops midsentence. “Well, 
that's never going to happen,” he says. 

He scans the list of recommendations 
and shakes his head. “Here's a good 
one," he says. *"The posting of Social 
Security numbers on the Internet 
should be prol а.” Well, that's never 
going to happen either." 

Fabozzi shrugs his shoulders. “There 
really is no protection against this stuff." 


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St. Mark's Day 


(continued from page 86) 

Thing is, I think the man is going mad. 

I watched him the other night scurry- 
ing on all fours across the living room 
floor after a pair of perfectly amenable 
cockroaches. He'd been waiting for them 
to appear, and when they did he was 
onto them—with a fucking hammer. I 
mean, why break a butterfly on a wheel? 
1 shouted out a warning but too late, too 
late. Just another brovn gungy mess on 
the carpet. And he didn't stop there, 
either. He was off after the silverfish 
next, although with less luck. 

And thisis the problem: The increased 
insect activity has tipped him into a psy- 
chosis that will find its release only in the. 
extermination of all of us. Obviously, its 
a paranoiac fury whose subject has been. 
transferred from the baby—which, ac- 
cording to human social convention, he 
is precluded from attacking with a ham- 
mer—to other small and inarticulate 
creatures whose murder will attract no 
opprobrium. That's my theory, anyway. 
Whatever the case, we were once left 
alone. Now fear stalks the home. And 
this means that either I limit the incur- 
sions of my brethren to a sustainable 
level or we all suffer the consequences. 

I swing down to the window. Outside 
in the tiny garden, a walled rectangle 
flanked by impoverished shrubs and 
tired perennials, hellebores and gerani- 
ums, an ichneumon is poised above 
some helpless fucking caterpillar—a cab- 
bage white, I think—its enormous 
ovipositor trembling in the breeze. It 
catches my eye as it plunges the thing in, 
a look on its face of disinterest or maybe 
even contempt. Most denizens of the 
outside world think of us as decadent, 
which I think is a bit fucking rich. Espe- 
cially from those creatures who rear 
their prey in the sull-living bodies of 
other animals, if you'll forgive me for 
sounding sententious for a moment. 

I wave to the ichneumon and mutter a 
silent prayer for the caterpillar and its 
dead parents. Imagine, to be orphaned 
at three weeks and then devoured alive. 

Who'd be a caterpillar? 

Anyway, the first task today is to deal 
with a thuggish horsefly, a deg, which I 
saw banging its way around the bed- 
room first thing this morning, as brazen 
and conspicuous and threatening as an 
insect could possibly be. Nasty, provin- 
cial, unsophisticated, biting beasts they 
are, with no conception of tact or 
subtlety. Quite what it's doing here is 
anybody's guess. We're miles from the 
nearest livestock, clegs’ usual hangout. 
They love thunderstorms, the clegs (a 
strange affectation, in my opinion, but 
each to his own), and there’s been not 
even a suspicion of rain for days. It's a 
noisy and dangerous presence. Maybe I 
can persuade him to beat it. And then 


160 again, maybe not. 


I fly through the living room, down 
the hall and up the stairs and check out 
the spare bedroom, through the open 
window of which Mr. Cleg must have 
blundered, unbidden and unwanted. 
He’s not there now. This is potentially 
good news—he may have left the way he 
came in. But I suspect otherwise. Call it 
ESP if you like, but I can feel his pres- 
ence in my house, and I've a good idea 
where he's gotten to. 

The master bedroom is dark and has 
this sweet, heavy, milky smell. The wom- 
an is asleep in the bed, her ludicrously 
demanding and indulged child similarly. 
reposed in a cot alongside. She sleeps 
whenever the child sleeps, which isn't 
often. Usually it cries, especially when the 
father is around. Trisha gets irritated by 
it, the constant mewling, and even more 
by the mother's limp and cadaverous 
appearance. She should look after herself 
better, Trisha always says, watching the 
woman stagger from room to room 
under some new baby-related burden. 
Somehow Trisha gets to bereproachful to 
me about the man’s alternately slothful 
and eccentric behavior, as if that's what 
Tm like, too. It may sound absurd to you, 
but she accuses me of forgetting what it is 
to be an insect and of the freedom such a 
state necessarily confers. 

And lo, sure enough, there he is, the 
cleg, making a circuitous approach to the 
cot, circling and then flying away, check- 
ing out the best seating for lunch. I fly 
across and join him in a holding pattern, 
but he breaks away and lands on the top 
edge of the yellow blanket pulled just 
below the baby's face. He doesn't even 
bother to register my presence. 1 rub my 
wings in an approximation of noncha- 
lance and then glide down beside him. 

*Hi, friend," I say with cheerfulness. 
“Name’s Clive. Don't get many of you 
guys in these parts. You lost?” 

The cleg looks at me curiously. “Am I 
lost?" he asks, the deep, rasping, country- 
bumpkin voice laced with sarcasm. “Am 
I lost? Now, let me se: He affects a 
ruminative expression. "Here I am, 
hungry for lunch and scarcely two cen- 
timeters from the soft skin of an immo- 
bilized, prostrate and perfectly delec- 
table infant. In the great scheme of 
things, that doesn't strike me as being 


ing start. I persist 
with my friendly and unassuming de- 
meanor but come straight to the point. 
"Suppose there's no chance of persuad- 
ing you not to bite that child, is there?" 
The cleg fly snorts. *I think less 
chance than there is of me persuading 
you not to wallow in shit, housefly.” 
“It’s just a friendly request, is all. I 
have to live here," I tell the creature. 
The cleg grins at me and moves a few 
centimeters onto the child's face. 
"Where's the baby?" he squeaks in a 
mocking cartoon voice, covering his 
huge compound eyes with his flimsy an- 


tennae. Then suddenly he pulls them 
away. "There he is!” 

A bite from a mosquito is a subtle and 
delicate operation. Humans often don't 
realize they've been bitten until the anti- 
coagulant has long since done its work 
and the mosquito is gone. Not so with a 
deg. I'm telling you, it’s possible to hear 
a cleg fly's bite from 30 yards away; those 
great big jaws chomp down and the pain. 
is instantaneous and intense. 

"The baby lets out an appalled wail. 
The mother wakes immediately with an 
expression of inarticulate panic, tears 
back the bedclothes and stumble-rushes 
to the cot. 

“Christ!” she gasps, brushing her hair 
away from her eyes and watching a 
rivulet of scarlet blood trickle down onto 
the blanket. She picks up the baby and 
cuddles it, wiping the blood away with 
her nightdress, and looks around the 
room for the culprit. The cleg is circling 
the light triumphantly, replete for the 
moment, baby blood fresh on its hard 
bristles. The woman sees it but, sleep- 
dazed and encumbered by her son, is 
not quite sure what to do. Jesus, she 
looks wrecked, the poor cow, all gray 
lines and red eyes and sunken pallor, her 
hair matted and taupe-colored. She 
looks as if she’s going to die, or has al- 
ready died maybe, like a maylly clinging 
on through the humid depths of August. 
She grabs a magazine from beside the 
bed and swats awkwardly and ineffectu- 
ally at the cleg. The cleg hardly needs to 
swerve and simply hangs above her in 
the air, cackling to himself, 

“Quick way out of here?” shouts the 
cleg. 

“Try the spare bedroom, first right out 
the door. Top window is always left open, 
the way you came in," I mutter, dg- 
ingly, len Fer es HEEE 
the bedroom curtain. 

“Much indebted, much indebted. 
Thank you, Clive.” 

And he's gone. The air currents rufle 
the hairs on my back. 

The woman is still hugging the baby 
and making cooing noises at it and 
kissing its forehead, but it nonetheless 
continues to wail like a fucking creature 
possessed; the blood on its face is even 
now still flowing. The cleg bit deep. 

And the upshot of this is that the man 
will go on another killing spree with his 
hammer. And maybe he'll throw in an 
aerosol insecticide and sweet-dripping, 
mesmerizing flypaper this time. 1 worry 
about this every day and wonder what the 
hell I can do. But I get no moral support. 
Trisha is pretty laissez-faire about the state 
of the house. Bring one cockroach, bring 
on 10, is her mantra, whatever shall be 
shall be and so on. If the man persists with 
his campaign of annihilation, then we just 
move somewhere else. Come on, Clive, 
she says, exasperated, you're worse than 
he is, pointing to the madman hunched 
up on the sola, his brain under alien con- 


I collect timepieces. When | 
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trol. We're not meant to be like that. We're 
flics, she says. We don't worry about stuff. 

We stay or we lea’ 

And of course she's right. Tradition- 
ally, we do not inflict ourselves upon 
others of our brethren. But the notion of 
moving on is too exhausting for me to 
contemplate—another house to suss out 
for spiders and this time with 27 kids in 
tow. I just think, Nah, it’s too much too 
late in life. Sometimes I see death fizzing 
and shimmering before me in the mid- 
dle distance, like columns of dancing air 
warped by summer heat, except it's no 
mirage. Death really is just out there in 
the middle distance. 

Not that we have short lives, as you 
conceive of it. You may pity us what seems 
a paltry allowance, but it’s not a short life, 
really. It's all we know or expect. And 
now I reckon I have about one quarter of 
my allotted span left. Maybe a fifth. Who 
knows? The days are uncountable. 

I thought about killing him, the man. 
But you guys are getting resistant to our 
toxins: Maybe we insects should put our 
heads together and come up with some- 
thing new. A few days ago—after anoth- 
er orgy of violence, directed this time at 
a harmless if aesthetically questionable 
pair of slugs who'd made it to the en- 
trance of the kitchen and only then real- 
ized they weren't traversing the garden 
wall after all—I slipped outside through 
the hall window and buzzed low down 
the street looking for shit. Thank God 
pooper-scoopers never took off in this 
neighborhood. I found what I was look- 
ing for in about five seconds, a long, 
gleaming, pale brown dog turd, the end 
of which deliquesced into a pool of diar- 
rhea, evidence of a typically remiss dog 
diet. I swooped down and nibbled and 
then took off vertically straight back into 
the house through the same window and 
glided low and noiselessly to the hastily 
manufactured ham sandwich on а plate 
by my host's left elbow. 1 padded around 
on the bread, puked a few times, padded 
some more, rubbed my front legs to- 
gether and then swung up and away 
with a quick “Bon appétit" and watched 
from the wall all feverish with the excite- 


ment of a job well done as he consumed 
his despoiled lunch. It was a risky busi- 
ness. I could have been flattened against 
the table in a nanosecond, and all he got 
as a result was a three-day bout of mild 
food poisoning, probably streptococci, 
which allowed him to wallow like a big 
Jessie on the sofa and whine at his wife. 

I'd hoped for toxoplasmosis at least. 
Blindness, dementia, etc. Maybe even 
Kidney failure. But no, instead just that 
vague physical unease and lassitude and 
a markedly increased commitment to 
wage war against the rest of us. 

Back in the master bedroom, when the 
whirl of activity has died down, 1 find a 
companion sitting doggo on the curtain. 
It's a member of that most unfairly ma- 
ligned and equable of species, the mos- 
quito. You have some big animus against 
these fuckers, don't you? But you're 
barking up the wrong tree. Hell, they've 
adapted to malaria, why can't you? This 
one's a male, so of not even minor irrita- 
tion to humankind, but I assume his wi 
is zumming around in a room nearby 
with her delicate and hungry proboscis. I 
bumped into this character yesterday 
and we exchanged thc usual pleas- 
antries; he told me he'd be gone pretty 
soon, back to hang out at the dank and 
stinking brick culvert from whence he 
was born, a few hundred yards away 
from this house. I signal a cheerful hello 
to him. He shakes his head in sympathy. 

“Cumbersome bastards, those clegs, but 
there's no reasoning with them," he says. 

“Tell me about it," I sigh. "What I 
want to know is why the fucking oik was 
here at all. You could smell the farmyard 
on him. Must have flown miles." 

“Him and plenty of others," the mos- 
quito replies. "There was a bush cricket 
in the living room yesterday: totally 
bizarre. 1 asked what it thought it was up 
to, but all I got was, you know, Na na na 
na na na na." 

“The mosquito rubs its big back legs to- 
gether in a passable ation. 

“Plus,” he goes on, “what's with the 
cockchafers and the centipedes? Totally. 
out of order. House is falling to bits. I'd 
get out if 1 were you. There's something 


wg MAY We ALSO PERHAPS 
1 GIVE SOMETHING AS 


WELL TO FIX THI 
LEAKY ROOF IN 


weird afoot. And there was a fucking 
raven in the garden yesterday.” 

“Thought about leaving, believe me,” 
1 tell him. 

“Our fourth child, Alex, got eaten by 
that huge fucker in the kitchen, the tege- 
naria. I shouted out, but he couldn't 
hear because the radio was on, just flew 
straight into the web." 

“I'm sorry.” 

“сав, well, kids, you know? Anyway, 
we'll all be out of here as soon as Emma's 
had her evening repast. Watch it, she's 
pulling the curtains..." 

We both take off and almost collide in 
the widening gap as the curtains are 
pulled back. We settle as unobtrusively 
as possible in the middle of the bedroom 
wall. Looks like mum's decided to take the 
baby downstairs, maybe to trcat the cleg 
bite, although she needn't bother: The 
cut will heal and be gone by this evening 
without a risk of infection. Me and the 
mosquito tarry awhile in silence, each of 
us with our own thoughts. I wonder a bit 
about the centipedes, evidence that the 
house is returning to a sort of primordial 
state, the thin patina of human involve- 
ment diminishing by the hour. Next, the 
wood lice will come, but whether anybody 
will be around to greet them is a different 
matter. Trisha is, as ever, absolutely right. 
Dissolution is not something we're 
equipped to battle against: It happens 
and we succumb. You, meanwhile, bat- 
tle—and succumb all the same, that ex- 
travagant expenditure of energy like the 
thinnest of vapor trails across an cvcning 
sky, clear and sharp before blurring al- 
most imperceptibly into nothing at all. 

Aficr a while the mosquito mutters a 
brief good-bye and spins away to join his 
mate. From downstairs I can hear the 
building blocks of the evening argument 
being slowly put in place, human voices 
rising in cadences of complaint and an- 
tagonism. And bcyond all that, the brush 
of insect wings against glass, of insect feet 
upon linoleum and carpet, of insect jaws 
upon wood and stone, and the gentle 
ticking of the clock on the wall. 


OW, GO AHEAD AND. 
“TAKE IT, PARSON. ITS 


BAGHDAD 


(continued from page 76) 
Group (which he denies is named to 
please his American friends), and over- 
seeing his personal security force, which 
has joined the American private military 
company Kroll to defend the USAID's 
reconstruction work in Iraq. He dis- 
cusses plans for a $2 billion pleasure 
park in the heart of Baghdad, where the 
country's elite can make merry on a golf 
course and in restaurants and bars. Per- 
haps as a loretaste he has assembled a 
large love shack from bamboo, mud and 
daub, with a floor covered in traditional 
woolen carpets. A petite housekeeper 
with dyed chestnut hair prepares for the 
evening's sleepover for Janabi's friends 
and accompanying houris. “Five girl- 
friends,” the security chief informs me. 

Ava, the stylish office manager at the 
journalists’ training center where 1 used 
to work, chides me for my prudishness 
in suggesting that Baghdad might not be 
ready for Janabi as president. 

“What we need is a sexual revolution,” 
she says. In contrast to the lives Iraqis 
have led for the past 17 months of Amer- 
ican tutelage under quasi-house arrest, 
she longs for the prewar days, when she 
picnicked with her artist friends in the 
palm groves and long grasses that ring 
Baghdad. Iraq's greatest problem, she 
tells me, is psychological—its people are 
all living lies, acting like pictures of 
Koranic virtue painted by the mullahs, 
with their warnings of hellfire for those 
who fail. “Women have to pretend they 
are virgins before marriage,” she says. 
“We've suppressed our true selves wara 
al-abaya"—behind the veil. 


KILLJOYS 


Even Janabi is not immune to the mul- 
lahs. His close relative Sheikh Abdullah 
-Janabi is Iraq's prime party pooper, its 
killjoy par excellence. He lives in Falluja, 
a city 30 miles west of Baghdad. The 
Saad bin Abi Wakkas mosque, where he 
holds court, is widely regarded as the 
epicenter of Iraq's 15-month insurgency. 
From here he dispenses fatwas, or reli- 
gious injunctions, enjoining his army of 
Kalashnikov-bearing disciples to kill 
American infidel soldiers and the agents 
(or “spies”), such as Saad Janabi, who 
work with them. Last April he chased the 
U.S. Army out of Falluja. From this jiha- 
di haven he now plans, say his followers, 
to carve out an emirate across the entire 
Sunni triangle that would stretch from 
Iraq's northern border with Syria down 
the Tigris and Euphrates valley to Bagh- 
dad. The two Janabis last met in winter 
and exchanged harsh words. 

In many ways they are remarkably 
similar. Both command private armies 
and dream of building caliphates. But 
Janabi the killjoy cites an alternative Is- 
lamic tradition in which an angry puri- 
tanical prophet wages a holy war against 


polytheists, Persians and Byzantine 
Christians. This Janabi rages against the 
Shias, the majority sect in Iraq, as idol 
ippers who have swapped Sad- 
dam's ubiquitous icons for icons of their 
own. Their pantheon of haloed imams, 
or spiritual forefathers, beams down 
from billboards across southern Iraq. 

In his emirate, most entertainment is 
banned. Cinemas are torched, as are 
the cassette shops selling pirated porn 
and pop. The only films permitted are 
snuff videos of “martyrs” who car-bomb 
police stations—and of four American 
Blackwater security guards drawn, 
quartered and hanged on a footbridge 
over the Euphrates by a mob of 70 
cheering townsmen. The families com- 
ing to collect relatives beheaded as 
spies are banned from public mourn- 
ing and from reciting the prayer for the 
dead, just as under Saddam. 

The heads of Iraq's puritanical 
Salafi movement, such as Sheikh Mehdi 
Sumeidy, also thump “Onward Muslim 
Soldiers” from their pulpits, reveling in 
a warrior faith. “The Americans have 
come to our land to rape our women, kill 
our men and sow corruption," the 
sheikh bellowed at thousands of congre- 
gants gathered for his Friday sermon in 
Baghdad's towering Ibn Tuboul mosque. 
“The infidel must be removed." 

Before the war, Sufi mystics—such as 
Sheikh Janabi—and Salafıs were fierce 
enemies. Now they have formed an 
alliance against a common enemy. Alter 
prayers at Sumeidy's mosque, ushers 


push leaflets into worshippers’ hands 
that contrast the good deeds of the Mus- 
lim who cries "Jihad in the name of 
God" and the “coward” who meekly 
whines about America's abuse of Iraqis 
in Abu Ghraib prison. 

Statistically, say coalition officials, 
attacks peak after Friday prayers, and a 
growing number of mosques serve as 
launchpads for mortar attacks. One 
Salafi mosque not far from Sumeidy's— 
the Lovers of Mustafa—had holes blown 
in its side when two car bombs parked in 
its forecourt exploded prematurely at 
the conclusion of dawn prayers. And in a 
raid on Sheikh Mehdi's mosque, U.S. 
soldiers uncovered a cache of weapons, 
earning the holy man five months in jail. 

Wearing a starched white tunic, 
Sheikh Mehdi is a charmer. He talks 
fondly of the American guards who held 
him captive in the Abu Ghraib detention 
camp. Ihe Army doctor who saved him 
from the torture inflicted by his Iraqi 
captors was so kind, *he must have been 
Muslim." (The Iraqis, he says, hauled 
him from the ground by a rope tied to 
his hands, which were cuffed behind his 
back. This procedure—known as the 
chicken torture—dislocated his arms.) 
He sighs for the uniformed American 
woman who kept guard over him like an 
illicit lover. (He claims to have converted 
her to Islam by flattering her “beautiful 
eyes.") He even gasps when recalling 
how American administrators provided 
him with a megaphone, boxloads of 
Korans and four tents to open a school 


“Honey, this is Sheila—that nymphomaniac I was 
telling you about.” 


163 


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for jibad inside the prison, turning Abu 
Ghraib into a sausage factory for trans- 
forming Baathists into Islamist militants. 

"The results of the Salafi schooling can 
be found flying on black flags across Iraq. 
THREE WAITERS WERE MARTYRED WHEN 
THEIR CAR OVERTURNED ON A BAGHDAD 
HIGHWAY. GOD REST THEIR SOULS, reads a 
painted message on black sheeting 
strung across the entrance of my local 
restaurant, al-Saa, where I used to lunch 
on vine leaves and stuffed peppers. The 
restaurant had been a favorite of Ameri- 
can soldiers, who would park their tanks 
at its gates. The gossip was that its pro- 
prictor had been negotiating to open an 
outlet at a U.S. base outside Falluja. Ac- 
cording to Iraqî newspapers—although 
not to the trembling proprietor—the 
bodies of the waiters had been mutilated 
and dropped at Falluja's morgue. Serv- 
ing the coalition, says Sheikh Mehdi 
approvingly, is apostasy, a crime pun- 
ishable in Islamic law by death. 

During that July week of the killings, 
Baghdad's gourmets меге grumbling. 
Nearby proprietors closed their restau- 
rant: solidarity. Some who also fed 
American troops went into hiding, 
including the Christian owner of Can- 
dles, who plied the best hors d'oeuvres 
in the city. An army marches on its belly, 
and the insurgents were out to stop it. In 
earlier fighting, the highways had been 
strewn with the charred remains of food 
trucks bringing supplies to the bases. 
Coalition officials griped about the 
shortage of lettuce. And in mid-July 40 
Indian chefs at the Falcon base in south- 
ern Baghdad resigned en masse after 
two mortars hit their trailers, miracu- 
lously without causing injury. To avoid 
the kidnappers, fresh migrant labor had 
to be imported by charter plane at a cost 
of $100,000. 

Iraqi expressions of disillusion about 
the failed relationship with America are 
frequently disingenuous. It takes two to 
make a relationship work. But even 
Ahlam, the cook at my former office who 
spends her life mixing with Westerners, 
now longs for the time before U.S. 
administrators came to Baghdad to abol- 
ish Iraq's army and rob her husband of 
his career as an officer. Now she is the 
breadwinner, and her humbled husband 
has turned drunken and violent— 
against his family, though, not against 
American forces. Sometimes she would 
come to work bruised, crying at the lat- 
est threat of divorce that would leave her 
homeless. Even that, she says, she could 
cope with. The final straw came when 
she asked an American tank commander 
to lower his aerial when he was driving 
his tank through her neighborhood 
because it was knocking down the elec- 
wicity wires. Failing to understand her 
remonstrations, the commander trained 
his tank turret on her. Now she just 
wants U.S. troops out. 

As the months roll by, increasing 


numbers of Shia Muslims in eastern 
Baghdad—the underdogs under Sad- 
dam—echo the Sunnis from the west 
in fighting to evict U.S. forces from 
their neighborhoods. The preachers in 
Sadr City, the vast Shia slum that arcs 
around the city’s northeast, sound 
much like Sheikh Mehdi. After months 
of alleyway sniping, turbaned clerics 
under the command of a young and 
sweaty firebrand, Moktada al-Sadr, ne- 
gotiated a truce with U.S. commanders 
that, for a time, left them almost as free 
as the Fallujans to pursue their Kul- 
turkampf against the trappings of West- 
ern influence. Gangs of kncecappers 
scoured Baghdad’s neighborhoods to 
root out liquor merchants, peddlers of 
Crayen brand cigarettes (which the mul- 
lahs had declared were made in Israel) 
and girls in trousers and cowboy boots, 
like Ablam's daughters. Barbers flouting 
a ban on Western haircuts had their 
shops torched and the heads of their 
clientele shaved bald. 

Hossam is a teenage CD peddler. 
“Saddam forced us to sell pop songs and 
banned religious cassettes,” he says. 
“Under the mullahs the rules are re- 
versed, but the punishment stays the 
same.” He has draped his stall in Imam 
Ali posters, much as he once hung Sad- 
dam posters. Partly they are an amulet 
to ward off evil; more properly they arc 
a deterrent against the inspection of the 
porn videos hidden under the sermons. 
One of the more nerve-racking mo- 
ments I had in Baghdad was while I was 
walking through the streets with a 
FedEx parcel of magazines sent from 
Playboy headquarters. Should a car 
bomb chance to explode, 1 feared, pic- 


tures of Playmates would be sent flutter- 
ing over Baghdad, confirming the 
Clerics' worst suspicions of what sinful 
foreign infidels had in store for Iraq. 

The Shia zealots preter their females 
in the flesh. In Basra, a southern port 

h command, the local agita- 
-Sattar al-Bahadili, goaded his 
rampaging God squads to "kidnap 
British female soldiers and hand them 
over to religious leaders to be taken as 
slaves." For each woman, he promised 
а $170 reward. 

Their favorite catches are gypsy girls, 
known to Iraqis as ghajar. For genera- 
tions gypsies have hooked Iraqi men 
with their pulsating dances and intoxi- 
cating liquors, especially on Fridays, 
when boys would skip communal 
prayers for an afternoon in their laps. 

Historically, Iraq's Shia clerics are not 
prudes, Their spiritual leader, Grand 
Ayatollah Ali Sistani, through his website 
(sistani.org), prohibits chess but permits 
anal intercourse—with the woman's con- 
sent. Oral sex is okay—provided no liq- 
uid gets in the mouth. And he suggests 
temporary "enjoyment" marriages as a 
way to avoid adultery. But the ayatollah's 
intemperate young Luther, Moktada al- 
Sadr, is not one to live and let live. 

In raid after raid, Sadr's militia—the 
Mahdi's Army, armed with pickaxes, 
sledgehammers and rocket-propelled 
grenades—has reduced gypsy home- 
steads to rubble, chasing out the inhab- 
itants and leaving scavengers to pick 
through the ruins. The worst pogrom 
occurred in the southern town of 
Diwaniya last March, when preachers 
ordered their followers to bulldoze the 
entire village of 300 families, mosque 


“1 like your aftershave." 


165 


and all. *It was a well of debauchery, 
drunkenness and mafia activities, and 
they were buying and selling girls," in- 
sists Yahya Shubari, Sadr's 30-year-old 
delegate, who ordered the nighttime as- 
sault. Swept up in the new righteous 
puritanism, many approved of the rout. 

“Men would come from all over the 

south and Baghdad to dance with the 

Bypsies," explains Bassam al-Najafi, 

owner of a fly-ridden local restaurant. 

"Women were leaving their husbands to 

work there. Moktada al-Sadr is cleans- 

ingthe town." 

Most gypsies have since gone under- 
ground, but the sheikh of Nahawan, a 
town on the southern outskirts of Bagh- 
dad 
partying to let go of 
the gypsies he pro- 
tects. Down a dirt 
track offatrunkroad 
where trucks stop 
for repairs, we arrive 
at the home of Ohud 
and Itab, two bux- 
om “sisters” clad in 
black. They bustle us 
into a dimly lit back 
room. Before the 
introductions are 
over I feel a hand 
in my pocket and 
a toe caressing my 
heel. “I'm looking for 
money,” says Itab, 
laughing as she ad- 
justs her bra strap. 
Her sister nuzzles my 
driver, who explains 
they had fumbled to- 
gether 15 years earli- 
er (which is less than 
plausible as Ohud 
would have been 10 
at the time). “Please, 
please,” he begs, as 
"Thorne, our camera- 
man, and Ohud ex- 
change flashes. “1 
now pray five times 
a day. I'm married." 
But the rest of 
Ohud's “family” soon 
join in. The shirtless brother, Saad, 
turns up the televised Arabic pop chan- 
nel, and the mother claps and snaps her 
fingers, keeping time. A ring of young 
children dance in the center, and from 
his stroller a toddler waves his arms and 
chews a cigarette his mother has stuck in 
his mouth like a lollipop. Gypsy love- 
making isa family affair. 

Itab reappears, squeezed into a low- 
cut, body-hugging floral gown, and pul- 
sates a dance to fulfill Alousrs dreams. 
“They have to learn how to dance like 
their sisters," says their mother, Um 
Saad—a more profitable education, she 
adds, than going to school. 

She complains that America's arrival 

166 in Iraq caused the family to fall on hard 


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a rare tribal leader too fond of 


times. The presence of American tanks 
had for a time brought reassurance 
against the zealots. But Saad issuffering 
from withdrawal after the liquor-store 
torchings triggered a fourfold increase 
in the cost of alcohol. "Is this demo- 
cracy?” he asks. “We want to dance and 
drink, not pray." 

The toothless father, Abu Saad, says 
disapproving neighbors have taken to 
nforming Sadr’s militia about their 
activities. "The neighbors mock you du 
ing the day and sleep with you at nigh 
he says. In one raid, the militia stole a 
client’s car; in another they held the 
family at gunpoint while they purloined 
the family savings of 5 million dinars. 
“All the world belongs to God, and Sadr 


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is his earthly representative, Belange 
the militiamen. The gypsies are desper- 
ate for American protection, but the sol- 
diers rarely show up. "In the days of 
Saddam, we stayed open until six in the 
morning," says Abu Saad. "Now we shut 
at six at nigh 


On June 28 the Americans handed over 
authority to Iyad Allawi, Iraq's new 
prime minister. His cabinet was far less. 
dominated by religious groups than the 
American-appointed Governing Coun- 
cil, and his staunch secularism initially 
brought sighs of relief. But he too was 
no party animal. While he shied from 
smiting the insurgents who were setting 


off car bombs, his police charged the 
beer peddlers on the banks of the Tigris 
beneath the Jadariya bridge. They laid 
into the peddlers' cardboard-box stands 
of Turkish and Israeli lagers with all the 
zeal of Jesus upending the money 
changers’ tables outside the temple. It 
had been one of the last remaining 
spots where teenage boys could escape 
Baghdad's stifling fundamentalism and 
gather in the evening breeze. 

Three nights later Allawi's police 
struck again, raiding Baghdad's red- 
light district, the old Jewish quarter 
Betaween (so called because it's "in 
between” two once reputable districts). 
In the cleanup, police said, they netted 
more than 500 drug pushers, pimps 

— and other pariahs 
Saddam had released 
ina prewar 


"Allawi is a dictator 
who is trying to use. 
his muscle to threaten 
and terrify, but there 
are better ways," says 
Janabi, the would-be 
playboy caliph. “We 
have oil; we have an 
economy. We should 
enjoy it.” 


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A AMERICANS. 


Against this puritani- 
cal onslaught, Amer- 
ica has retreated 
behind the blast walls 
that, like giant tomb- 
stones, encircle its 
enclave spread over 
much of downtown 
Baghdad. As the in- 
surgency intensified, 
tanks rumbled into 
position at the gates 
of the seat of Anglo- 
American power in 
Iraq, the Green Zone. 
Bent on the prime 
goal of survival, the 
L.S. military decreed 
that its entire food 
supply be trucked 
in from abroad to prevent the host 
population from poisoning it. Frater- 
nization with locals was declared a pun- 
ishable offense. 

From behind their walls, adi та- 
tors ruled Iraq in a virtual reality. Once 
inside the enclave, few U.S. personnel 
ventured out to the Red Zone. In his 
final months, Ambassador Paul Bremer, 
the proconsul, passed ever-greater num- 
bers of decrees with ever-diminishing 
impact. Sadr's decrees against Craven 
cigarettes had more efficacy. 

"The handover to Iraqi authority has 
so far done little to narrow the chasm be- 
tween America and Iraq. The American 
embassy in Baghdad staged its Fourth of 


July celebrations in the gardens of its 


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PLAYBOY 


"annex"—lraq's presidential palace. 
Revelers partied, oblivious to the irony 
that they were commemorating the 
independence of one nation in the occu- 
pied grounds of another. Bare-chested 
bodyguards with holsters on their hips 
played drinking games. Advisors frol- 
icked by the presidential pool, sporting 
T-shirts embossed with scorpions and 
the logo LET FREEDOM STING. À giant 
video screen relayed a fireworks display, 
the sound turned down low to prevent 
confusion with incoming rockets. On the 
roof, a couple was caught in flagrante 
making its own fireworks near the spot 
where one of Saddam's vast iron visages 
had formerly loomed over Baghdad. 
"The heads of the statues now lie in a 
forgotten corner of the Highlander FOB 
(forward operating base), just beyond 
the Green Zone's walls. Their decapita- 
tion from atop the presidential palace 
symbolizes America's greatest success in 
Iraq—the toppling of Saddam. For 
entertainment on Saturday nights, 
Sergeant Mike Kelly—known to col- 
leagues as the defender of the heads— 
tanks up, takes aim and pisses over Sad- 
dam Hussein. Kelly says it's good for 
improving his accuracy both in his cur- 
rent work as a sniper and his civilian job 
as a hairdresser in Ventura, California. 


irty 


“Little old ladies in for a blue rinse ask 
me how it's possible for me to be a 
sniper," says Sergeant Kelly, a white- 
haired 50-something with a Mohawk. 
tell them it's all about precision." 

The fate of the heads is undecided. 
One, say its American guards, was 
smashed during its transition from atop. 
the palace. A second may go to the 
Smithsonian. An Iraqi memory commis- 
sion is seeking control of the other two. 

Pissing on totems aside, there's little 
to do for amusement. The U.S. mili- 
tary has infuriated soldiers by limiting 
access to issues of PLAYBOY, out of re- 
spect, it says, for local cultural values. 
Sergeant Kelly has tried to lure Iraqi 
women working at the base by offering 
haircuts. “Who's your boyfriend?” he 
solicits hopefully when Mona, who 
works at the cafe, arrives for her cut. 
“All of you,” replies Mona, coquettishly 
eyeing the younger soldiers as her scarf 
slips from her head, leaving Sergeant 
Kelly crestfallen. But most outsiders 
have long given up hope for a local dal- 
liance for fear of being caught in a trib- 
al vendetta. Even the Christian girls be- 
gan keeping their distance after a spate 
of church bombings rocked the com- 
munity, which has a reputation for col- 
luding with its coreligionists. 


Duek. 


In the ruins of the Green Zone's Tom- 
ahawk palace—so named because a 
dozen Tomahawk missiles slammed 
through its ornate marble walls during 
the invasion—soldiers slouch, exchang- 
ing tales, like fishermen, of the ones who 
got away. A gunner just back from skir- 
mishing in Sadr City reenacts the battles 
between youths aiming rocket-propelled 
grenades and the barrage from Bradley 
fighting vehicles. A gunner from Oregon 
reenacts the night. “Say hiya to Allah for 
me,” he says, taking aim at the palace 
columns and erupting into a gargle of 
shooting noises. 

Others find solace in prayer. Book- 
shelves stacked with camouflaged Bibles 
have been placed in Army canteens so 
that faithful Christian soldiers can call 
on God without getting shot when 
patrolling the palm groves. And Sad- 
dam's former throne room serves as the 
U.S. embassy chapel. Beneath the 99 
names of Allah carved into an awe- 
inspiring crenellated marble ceiling, the 
coalition’s Jewish servicemen gather 
cach Friday night for a service to wel- 
come the Sabbath and give thanks for 
their return to Iraq Under the British 
60 years ago, Iraqi Jews had numbered 
250,000. Under Saddam they were whit- 
tled down to around 35. 


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PLAYBOY 


SEPARATION 


As Westerners and Iraqis built higher 
walls of mutual suspicion, I naively 
assumed that more than a decade in the 
Arab world might spare me from being 
caught in the fray. Like many journalists 
here, I hid my European features be- 
hind a growth of facial hair. My landlady, 
who li: in the downstairs flat with her 
two children, taught me the rudiments 
of Iraqi Arabic so that the trashmen 
would not grow suspicious and inform 
on me. She did her best to make me feel 
at home. She decorated my balcony with 
flags for Shia days of mourning and 
shrieked to chase away the geckos— 
known in Arabic as the abu-brais, or the 
“father of leprosy"—because, she said, 
they spread impotence. A widow in her 
40s, she had kept her looks by dyeing 
her hair and maintained an impressive 
stream of men whom she introduced as 
her relatives. In the year I spent in 
Baghdad, she let me adopt her two boys 
as surrogates for my own children I'd 
left behind in London. 

But on my last visit to Baghdad she 
apologetically tells me that foreigners 
should no longer mix with Iraqis. An 
Iraqi friend of hers was killed along with 
a busload of Christian washerwomen he 
was driving to an American base. She is 
terrified because her children told their 
school friends an Englishman lived in 
their house. She fears I could face the 
same fate. “Don't be angry with me,” she 
begs. “Be angry with the Muqawama, 
the resistance.” She then bursts into 


tears and says she has changed her 
mind. But I know she was probably 
right—she is safer without me. 

Many Iraqis are bravely—almost suici- 
dally—resisting a revival of the reign of 
terror. A friend of mine, Fahmi Jarrallah 
Rabia, who managed to keep his prewar 
job as senior advisor to the finance min- 
ister, found a black banner posted at the 
end of his street announcing his memor- 
ial ceremony on July 3. Fahmi ignored 
the death threat, defiantly going to work 
as always. But he forgot to inform his in- 
laws that the message was bogus. “My 
relatives turned out to mourn for me in 
the afternoon," he says, laughing. “And I 
joined them for my funeral cakes.” 

But for every Fahmi, there are many 
Baghdadis whose fears have sentenced 
them to sel posed house arrest. 
Locked down in their homes, Iraqis 
search for new ways to resist the tempta- 
tion to go out. My former next-door 
neighbors, engineers who worked for 
the Egyptian mobile-telephone provider, 
ordered call girls for their Thursday- 
night relief. They plied them with vodka 
and undressed them as they twirled to 
the sounds of their stereo. But they too 
have left. Others enjoy their newfound 
freedom to surf the Net, pan their satel- 
lite TVs and establish sexual and other 
contacts without venturing past the walls 
of their homes. My landlady's sons, no 
longer allowed on the streets after dark 
for fear of kidnapping, are hooked on 
the Internet. Iraq's latest hit, "Or- 
ange"—a gypsy video about a man who 


PLEASE. 
NS 
"Torch 


wants to peel his girl like a piece of 
fruit—has been banned in more- 
regulated Arab states but is probably 
Iraq's most popular screen saver. "Or- 
ange, Orange, why are you torturing me 
so?” sings Alaa Saad as a posse of gypsy 
girls performs the “dagger dance," a 
routine that requires them to thrust 
their clenched fisıs toward their pelvises. 

“He who can't eat meat slurps soup," 
says Ahlam, the office cook, in feigned 
disgust at the sex-starved researchers 
goggling in the office. 

But Ahlam isn't sure who is most to 
blame for turning Iraq into a nation of 
insomniacs. When the power is on, 
children are up all night online. When 
it's not on and the fans and air condi- 
tioners have ground to a halt, the sti- 
fling heat makes it too hot to sleep. 
“The worst criminal in Iraq is the elec- 
tricity minister," says Ahlam, waving a 
carving knife. "I'd slice off his fingers, 
centimeter by centimeter.” 

My landlady spends her evenings fill- 
ing out visa lottery forms for America or 
visiting chat rooms in pursuit of a foreign 
husband to whisk her away toa less fran- 
tic world in which her glass menagerie 
will no longer be rattled by car bombs. 
On the July day when the fledgling 
authorities began reissuing passports, 
Baghdad ground to a halt as its nationals 
queued in thousands to exit Iraq. 

Hundreds of thousands have already 
left. Alaa Saad, the gypsy vocalist, like 
many favorites of the former regime, 
has fled to the air-conditioned ice cooler 
of Dubai. More have sought refuge in 
blackout-free neighboring Jordan, where 
the Baathists who sponsor Iraq's cur- 
rent killjoys have turned what was once 
the Arab world's dullest city into one of 
its more playful. Pimps tout the Iraqi 
cafes of upmarket Amman, distributing 
invitations for Arabian nights at hotels 
such as Takit, where the girls wiggle for 
cash, or Club Juliana's, where Filipinas 
entertain the same Iraqis who support 
the kidnapping of their fellow nationals 
in Iraq. "When the cat's away, the mice 
must play,” says a recently exiled general, 
released from 26 years of serving Sad- 
dam. If only his country had such luck. 

Before leaving Iraq, I drop by my old 
apartment to tell my landlady she can 
have my furniture. With the roads to 
Jordan closed, organizing a shipment is 
too complicated. She will keep it until 
my family finally vi But we both 
know that won't happen. For months 
Baghdadis were sitting on the fence, 
waiting to see if America would deliver a 
brighter Iraq. With the exception of 
Alousi, I don't know anyone in the capi- 
tal who hasn't now given up hope. 


PLAYMATE 


Brande lives it up in LA. 


BRANDE'S STAR IS ON THE RISE 


Those of you who tuned in each week to 
watch Brande Roderick frolic on the beach 
in Baywatch Hawaii might be disap- 
pointed to hear that her next 

roject will be behind the 

amera. But don't wor: 

Brande's not giving up acting. 
She's just adding her name to 
the production credits. Brande 
takes the producer's seat —and 

the starring role—in a new 
reality show from New Line 
Television called Brande's 
Brigade. “It's a makeover show 
for the inside rather than the 
outside—with lots of ad 

e explains. 


love being on the creativ 
too, from picking out the clothes and loca- 


tions to writing episodes. It is 
so much fun." It's also a lot of 
work, which Brande admits is 
pretty much all she does these 
days. Since her reign as Play- 
mate of the Year 2001, she 
has shared a house with M.C. 
Hammer on УН1 5 The Sur- 
real Life, traveled to Romani. 
to shoot Dracula II: Ascension 
and turned a few heads with 
her role in Starsky @ Hutch. 
*Hanging out with Snoop 
Dogg was cool because I've 
loved his music all my life," 


NEWS 


Miss November 1969 

was voted 
PMOY 1970 before Sach 
the title Queen 
ofthe Bs for 
her dozens of 
low-budget 
movie roles. 
She was killed 
in а head-on 
collision just 
10 years after 
this shoot. Says 
West Coast 
Photo Editor 
Marilyn 
Grabowski, 
“She was one 
ofthe guys 
and one of the girls. There 
wasn't anybody who didn't 
love Claudia." 


"Pamela came into the gym 
and watched a workout. The 
money alleviated a lot of 
stress on my part. I 

think I'd bea ner- / 
vous wreck if I didn't 

know she was back- 

ing me." 


Bingham, Angelica Bridges and * says Brande. "And it was sweet w 
I have a Charlie's Angels style of doing it. I È with Ben Stiller and Owen Wilson." 


FULL-FRONTAL FASHION 


HOT SHOT 


Q: You're from Louisiana and you 
live in Nevada. Which state is wilder? 
'hey're equally wild—and just 
as bad for you. 
low do you keep cool in Vegas? 
head to the pool at the Palms 
Hotel & Casino. Nothing beats the 
heat like its frozen grapes. 
Q: Who would you like to see next 


on the cover of PLAYBOY? 
Me! Or Fergie from Black Eyed 


Feas. She is so hot. 
AUDRA LYNN & MICHELE ROGERS 


THREE THINGS YOU DIDN'T KNOW 
ABOUT STEPHANIE HEINRICH 


1. She's in Nashville, working on a 
mass communications degree. “I've 
always wanted to go back to school," 
she says. 
2. Although she's 
а self-proclaimed 
homebody now, 
Stephanie was a 
Mansion party 
animal. "Another 
girl and I once 
made a Slip 'N 
Slide in the Great 
Hall. Living there 
was the best time 
of my life." 
3. Hef told her she's the Marilyn 
Monroe ofthe Internet—maybe that's 
the reason behind her ever-growing 
collection of Marilyn memorabilia. 


PLAYMATE HOUSE PARTY 


Our favorite line in Hef^s Little Black Baok? "And sa one man created two houses and 

all men would forever want to go to these houses, to be inside." Just osk Anthony 

Michael Hall, Josh Duhamel and Russell Simmons, who stopped by a Mansion fund- 
raiser to huddle with Nicole Narain, Stacy 
Sanches, Deanna Brooks, Serria Тоноп, 
Lauren Hill and Neferteri Shepherd 


Been watching HBO's addictive 
series Entourage? Then you've 
probably spotted Nicole Narain, 
Natalia Sokolova, Gara 
Wakelin, Irina Voronina 

and Pennclope J a ass =. 
Cara is also featured in 

print ads for the show... Š 

In other television news, 
Cara, Irina and Penelope, 
along with Sandra Hubby, Lau- 
ren Hill, Serria Tawan and 
Krista Kelly, all appeared with 
Mark Cuban and hosts Chris 
Rose, John Salley, Tom Arnold 
and Lecann Tweeden on The 
Best Damn Sports Show Period 
(below)... Actresses such as 


Sigourney Weaver and Jennie 
Garth are fans of Susie Owens’s 
new perfume, Child. Go to 
childperfume.com....Candace 
Collins and Patti McGuire (be- 
low) sent photos from their 
recent trip to St.-Tropez. “We 
had a ball!” Candace says... 
Neriah Davis and Pam- 

ela Anderson 

were featured 


^ > Ч 


lis 


The Ultimate Hollywood Blonde.... 
Angela Little stars in the indie 
film The Golden Bracelet, And if 
you're into Harlequin romance. 
novels, look for A Cowboy and a 
Kiss—Angie's on the cover. 


cyber@club 


See your fovorile Playmote's 
pictorial in the Cyber Club 
al cyber.ployboy.com. 


Please drink responsibly. 


Our marks are с 


BE. ee —— er i 
X-RATED PRANKS. ÎÎ | TI m ww 1 

HIDDEN CAMERAS. N 1 

OUCH! YOU'RE.. i 

ШОУ у night m-f ` DI M. i i 


7:30 pm e/p ——— 


WECLCH PLAYBOY TV! 


Ж TO ORDER, CALL YOUR LOCAL CABLE TELEVISION OPERATOR OR HOME SATELLITE PROVIDER. 


Miayboy 


WHAT'S HAPPENING, WHERE IT'S HAPPENING AND WHO'S MAKING IT HAPPEN 


r 


ЧР o. СС у. 
| Speed Racer 


Juan Pablo Montoya's fans think he's the second coming. 
But for this Formula 1 driver, second isn't good enough 


= very now and then, Juan Pablo Montoya, the Colombian Formula 1 
* driver, holds a web chat with his fans. The messages pour in from every 
lium corner of the globe: “I'm your biggest fan! Do you want to be my fan?" 
“I think you're gorgeous!" "What kind of orange juice do you like the most?" 
One fan even asked whether he goes commando under his driving uniform. 
“| always wear my underwear," answered Montoya. The 29-year-old 
phenom has brought an Elvis-like iconography to the F1 circuit. Even his 
profilers get seduced. "His Latin origins are the source of a smoldering fire 
in his makeup," wrote one. Montoya started racing go-carts at the age of 
five. In 2000 he won the Indy 500 in his first attempt, then a year later signed 
with the BMW Williams team to race Formula 1, the world's premier circuit. 
In 2002 he posted the fastest F1 lap in history (average speed: 161.484 
miles per hour), and he won the Monte Carlo Grand Prix the following year. 
Now married and based in Miami, he's trying to unseat Michael Schumacher, 
the F1 champ for four years running. Can Montoya take the checkered flag? 
Stay tuned as the 2004 season ends in Sao Paulo this month. 175 


M@rapevine 


y 3 


7 


an NYC Cartier 
bash, Nearly a 
decade ago she 
turned us on in 
Showgirls and 
Bound. Obvi- 
ously she's still 
a showgirl, but 
lately she's un- 
bound in the best 
way possible. 


ren 
Nip and Duck 
On her first two CDs, Songs in A Minor and The Diary of Alicia Keys, ALICIA 
KEYS bared more soul than all the Britneys, Hilarys and Jessicas combined. 
Onstage the Grammy winner is usually a bit more restrained, save for this 
one revealing moment captured during a Rock in Rio concert. 


Breast to Jagger: 
Gimme Shelter! 

JADE JAGGER is rock royalty, so 
we've come to expect sexy tops like 
this one, worn to the Serpentine 
Gallery's Summer Party. Who says we 
can't always get what we want? 


Two Pair and King Leer 
a Straight Flush We liked her 
Demonstrating that two Reids are bet- better as 
ter than one, TARA REID and her sis James King, 
Colleen sported matching twin sets at р but still, 
LA.'s Nacional. Later, Tara popped out & қ we wouldn't 


solo leaving Concorde in Hollywood. 1 kick model- 
actress-name 


changer JAIME 
KING out of 
bed for eating, 
crackers. 
How's her 
acting career 


words: White 
Chicks. But 
she's got the 
modeling part 
down toa 
science, as 
shown at the 
aforemen- 
tioned movie's 
premiere. 


Hula 
Scoops 
We've heard 
it a million 
times, but it 
never gets old: 
AINA JOHN- 
SON was vaca- 
tioning in 
Hawaii when 
she was dis- 
covered by a 
model 5со! 
The result is 
shown here. 


Let’s Put Another Sash on the Barbie 


The only fun part about watching beauty pageants is praying 
that some evening gown-clad priss falls down the stairs—or 
out of her gown. We also like to imagine how the contest 
winners look when they're horizontal. Here, the new Miss 
Universe, Australia's Jennifer Hawkins, reads our minds. 


MWotpourri 


2 
178 


RETRO ACTIVE 


The lost souls who never recovered from their 
crippling addictions to the bleep-bloop arcade 
games of the 19805 still walk among us, pale 
reminders of a bygone era. But there is hope. 


Jakks Pacific's new retro-gaming joystick 
($20, jakkstvgames.com) has five old-school 

favorites packed right inside—Ms. Pac-Man, 
Galaga, Xevious, Pole Position and Марру. Plug 
the joystick into your TV, grab a bottle, and 

let the healing begin 


HE SHOOTS! HE SCORES! 
Anybody who's ever stepped foot in New York's 
Madison Square Garden knows that the place 
has a magic all its own. Garden of Dreams ($35, 
Stewart, Tabori & Chang)—the new coflee-table 
book by MSG's official photographer, George 
Kalinsky—takes you on a long, strange trip 
through the arena’s 125-year history. Didn't 
make it to the 1989 Bulls vs. Knicks playoff series 
(pictured)? Or to any of the Stones, Dead or 
Hendrix shows through the years? Here’s your 
front-row ticket to all those events and more. 


BIKER CHIC 


Ducati's Historical 
Leather Biker Jack 
et won't make as 
much of a splash as 
the company's first 
Fabio Taglioni- 
designed motorcycle 
did 50 years ago 
But if you're a 
racing fan, the 
jacket is worth the 
$319 price tag 
(ducati.com). It's 
covered in Ducati 
patches worn by 
riders who took the 
checkered flag at 
major international 
races throughout 
the Italian com 
ny's storied history. 
Bonus: The jacket 
looks pretty hot on a 
topless blonde, if 
you happen to have 
one lying around. 


THE GREAT COMMUNICATOR 


Remember when you used phones to make phone calls? Danger's 
Sidekick 11 ($299, tmobile.com) is a hybrid РПА-сей phone that 
follows up its pioneering predecessor with a tighter, slimmer body, 
an upgraded camera and a redesigned cellular antenna that makes 
dropped calls a thing of the past. E-mail and instant messaging are 
a breeze thanks to the full QWERTY keyboard hidden under the 
screen, and the stylish screen swivel action gives the Sidekick the 
right balance of elegance and functionality. It's available exclusively 
with T-Mobile service, but if you can get past that annoyance, you'll 
have your hands on one of the most capable gadgets out there. 


BE A PLAYER 
There's nothing like a good-looking 


woman who can bend over a pool table 
and rifle the eight ball into a corner pocket. 
Here's the next best thing: the official 
Playboy cue, with Pamela Anderson's like- 
ness ($30), plus the official Playboy balls 
($100) and rack ($30). Make all the jokes 
you want (Pam on your shaft, nice rack, 
etc.), but first put your money where your 
mouth is. Available at playboystore.com. 


SMOOTH TALK 


For years now, Bluetooth cell phone head- 
sets have allowed you to go wireless and 
hands-free. The problem? They've always 
been bulky and style-challenged. Plantron- 
ics's new M2500 ($70, plantronics.com) is a 
tidy counterweighted package you can tuck 
over your ear and forget about. A button on 
the headset lets you answer calls, meaning 
you can stash your 
phone in your 
back pocket 
while you gab. 


UNHOLY SMOKE 


One of the rarest cigars in the 
world just got rarer. Ten years 
ago this month, Arturo Fuente 
released the first stogie with 

a wrapper, binder and filler 

all made from the choicest 
Dominican tobaccos, aged a 
decade or more. Now Fuente is 
upping the ante, aging the 
tobaccos for another month or so 
inside French-oak calvados bar- 
rels. Christened the Forbidden 
X ($250, cigarinthebottle.com), 
the 6%-by-49 cigars are then 
encased in a bottle of 40-year- 
old Grand Pommier XS 
calvados, blended specifically to. 
complement this cigar's com- 
plexities. Now that's decadence 


DIRTY WORK 
¡Robots third-generation 
Roomba Discovery vacuum. 
($950, irobot.com) uses algo- 
rithms developed by the military. 
to find its way around your place 
without tumbling down a flight of 
stairs, sucking up dirt as it goes. 
"The vac's new low-profile body lets it 
get into those dark, scary places (under the 
couch, for example). This latest version can automatically return to 
its charging station to reenergize. Laziness has never been this easy. 


THE RIGHT MIX 


A great moment in kitchen 
history: The year was 1935. Big- 
band leader Fred Waring was in 
his dressing room at New York's 
Vanderbilt Fheater when an 
inventor walked in holding a 
strange device. Waring, a gadget 
freak, bought the thing, and soon 
after, the Waring Blendor [sic], 
the world's first, hit stores for 
$20.75. Nowadays the company 
Waring founded specializes in 
stuff that blends reliability with 
modern design. Example: the 
new polished-copper Pro MBB 
520 ($190, waringproducts.com), 
with a two-speed motor. Rum 
and fruit not included, 


179 


WHERE AND HOW TO BUY ON PAGE 147 


ШіИехі Month 


WAA 


THE SCANDALOUS WORLD OF COMIC BOOK ART. 


MISS DECEMBER UNWRAPPED, 


DEAN MARTIN—BORN DINO PAUL CROCETTI, THE LEG- 
ENDARY RAT PACKER LIVED AND DIED THE HIGH LIFE OF 
BOOZE, BROADS AND BRIGHT LIGHTS. BILL ZEHME SALUTES. 
THE ICON THE ITALIANS CALLED A MENEFREGHISTA—ONE 
WHO SIMPLY DOESN'T GIVE A FUCK. 


BERNIE MAC—THE ORIGINAL KING OF COMEDY HAS GONE 
FROM BEING DEAD BROKE AND DOING STAND-UP IN CHICAGO 
TO BEING RANKED AMONG THE 50 GREATEST TV DADS FOR 
HIS EPONYMOUS SITCOM. NEXT UP: OCEAN'S TWELVE AND AN 
AS YET UNTITLED FLICK WITH ASHTON KUTCHER. A PLAYBOY 
INTERVIEW CRACK-UP BY DAVID RENSIN 


PLAYBOY'S 2004 MUSIC POLL—WE'LL SHOW YOU OUR IPOD 
IF YOU SHOWUS YOURS. IT'S AN ELECTION YEAR, AND THE LAST 
THING WE WANT IS HANGING CHADS (OR PRINCES OR FATBOY 
SLIMS). OUR YEARLY ROUNDUP FEATURES THOSE WE LOVED— 
KANYE WEST, THE HIVES, THE STREETS, JULIE ROBERTS, FRANZ 
FERDINAND—AND THOSE WHO LEFT US PUSHING THE FAST- 
FORWARD BUTTON (SORRY, LENNY). RIP. MIX. BURN. VOTE. 


COLLEGE BASKETBALL PREVIEW—PROGNOSTICATOR 
DAVID KAPLAN HAS EVERYTHING YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT. 
THE COMING SEASON—THE WINNERS. THE LOSERS, THE 
BIGGEST HOOP DREAMS. 


PRIMO DINO: A RAT PACKER'S DELIGHT. 


SEX IN CINEMA: RATED E FOR EROTIC. 


COMIC BOOK ART COLLECTORS —WHO WOULD HAVE 
THOUGHT THAT BUYING, SELLING AND TRADING COMIC BOOK 
ART COULD LEAD TO BLACK EYES AND BROKEN LEGS? GLEN 
DAVID GOLD HEADS INTO GEEKDOM'S SEEDY UNDERBELLY. 


CELEBRITY THANK-YOU NOTES—WE DID OUR BEST INVESTI- 
GATIVE REPORTING—OKAY. DUMPSTER DIVING—TO FIND HAND- 
WRITTEN HOLIDAY SENTIMENTS BY MICHAEL MOORE, LANCE 
ARMSTRONG; NICKY HILTON, LINDSAY LOHAN AND COURTNEY 
LOVE. EXCLUSIVE PLAYBOY HUMOR. 


THE OLD BADGER САМЕ- THREE BACHELOR BADGERS LIVE 
ON FRANK FRINK'S RANCH. WHEN FRANK'S WIFE BECOMES 
SWEET ON ONE OF THE CRITTERS, IS SHE AFTER LOVE OR A 
NEW FUR COAT? SMART FICTION BY ANNIE PROULX 


SEX IN CINEMA 2004—UNFORTUNATELY, MOST OF THIS YEAR'S 
SEXIEST MOVIES DID NOT STAR PARIS HILTON. STILL. WE TOOK 
ON THE ARDUOUS TASK OF FINDING THE SEXIEST SCREEN 
MOMENTS. BRING YOUR OWN POPCORN. 


PLUS: A MIND-BLOWING A-LIST PICTORIAL, NORMAN MAILER, 
20Q WITH DUSTIN HOFFMAN, A TRIBUTE TO PHOTOGRAPHER 
POMPEO POSAR, OUR ANNUAL GIFT GUIDE AND MISS DECEM- 
BER, TIFFANY FALLON—UNWRAPPED IN TIME FOR CHRISTMAS. 


Playboy (ISSN 0032-1478), November 2004, volume 51, number 11. Published monthly by Playboy in national and regional editions, Playboy, 680 

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