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www.playboy.com е AUGUST 2008 


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Ashley Harkleroad's midriff-baring debut at the 2001 U.S. 
Open caused the Georgia peach to be called an American 
Anna Kournikova, but it's her technique that's heating up the 
women's tennis circuit now. Currently ranked fourth in the 
country (and 61st in the world), Harkleroad is a tough com- 
petitor known for her pinpoint ground strokes and astonish- 
ing quickness. Off the court, she happily showed more than 
her midriff to Senior Contributing Photographer Arny Frey- 
tag for her nude pictorial, Love, Ashley. “I'm a little more 
muscular than some girls, but that's who | am,” she says. 
“You don't have to be waif-thin and have huge boobs to be 
sexy." And what does she hope her competitors’ response to 
her pictorial will be? “І hope they say, 'Whoa, Ashley does 
have a great body! Now we know why she's so fast. * 


"It was exciting to run on the same track as the world's fastest 
man," says Jonathan Littman, the journalist who jump-started 
his research for The Perfect Sprint by running alongside athletes 
training for Olympic short-distance track events. During one of 
his more memorable runs, with gold medalist Jeremy Wariner in 
a graveyard in Waco, Texas, Littman even caught up to Wariner 


during a long workout. “I was very proud of myself.” says Litt 
man. "On Wariner's last interval, when he was winding down, | 
was able to keep pace with him... for about six minutes." 


The story is something almost 
beyond belief," says investiga- 
tive reporter Hillel Levin. His fea- 
ture, The Strange Redemption of 
James Keene, is a tale from the 
belly of the beast, the account of 
a drug dealer who, in exchange 
for an eaily release, agrees to be 
transferred to a maximum-security 
prison for the criminally insane to 
coerce a confession from a sus- 
pected serial killer. Levin is now 
expanding this piece into a book, 
in which he'll explore larger issues 
touched on in the article. "The 
book will raise questions about 
law enforcement inability to deal 
with serial killers,” says Levin. Wil- 
liam Monahan, the Oscar-winning 
screenwriter of The Departed, is 
crafting a movie script based on 
this story for Paramount. 


Versatile and prolific, Bill Zehme 
is one of the first people editors 
think of when they need a profile. 
writer or interviewer, Fortunately 
for us, he's Playboy family: As co- 
author of Hefs Little Black Book 
and interviewer of the Man for 
our millennium issue, Zehme is 
beyond qualified to assess, in The 
Birth of the Cool, the magazine's 
cultural impact. *My own world- 
view of cool was completely 
shaped by peering into the magi- 
cal pages of the magazine 

especially getting a load of Hef 
Life—when | was a Chicago boy 
growing up in the 1960s," says 
Zehme. “І am probably, for what 
it's worth, the preeminent affec- 
tionate Hefnerologist striding the 
Earth—a fact Hef enjoys deeply.” 


| 


Because Ben Stiller portrayed novelistscreenwriter Jerry Stahl 
in the film version of Stahl's memoir Permanent Midnight, we 
thought he would be the perfect guy to climb inside Stiller's 
head for the Playboy Interview. Good thought, but the logistics 
were tricky. “Ben has been prepping, producing, directing, act- 
ing in and cutting Tropic Thunder," says Stahl. "It was shot in 
Kauai with some minor talents like Tom Cruise, Robert Downey 
Jt., Matthew McConaughey, Jack Black, Nick Nolte and not a 
single woman Just a sprinkling of young Thai fellows in drag." 


vol. 55, no. 8—august 2008 


PLAYBOY 


features 


54 THE STRANGE REDEMPTION OF JAMES KEENE 
Jim Keene was staring at a 10-years-to-Iife sentence at a federal prison оп 
drug charges when an assistant U.S. attorney offered him a chance at early 
release. All he had to do was transfer to a maximum-security penitentiary for the 
criminally insane and get suspected serial killer Larry Hall to confess to his crimes. 
HILLEL LEVIN tells the tale of one man’s harrowing quest for a second chance. 


66 THE BIRTH OF THE COOL 
Everyone knows about the sexual revolution, but people forget that the 
1950s and 1960s brought another seismic cultural shift—the birth of the 
Cool. America's premier coolologist, BILL ZEHME, examines Hef's role as 
cultural tastemaker and describes вудувоў 5 part in midwifing this new era. 


72 FUNNY HATS, FLACCID BALLOONS AND MAYOR DALEY'S FINGER 
Whether you lean blue or red, the parties’ political conventions leave a lasting 
Impression on voters before a presidential election. PAUL SLANSKY tests your 
memory of the conventions’ most memorable quotes, flubs and follies. 


92 THE PERFECT SPRINT 
"T was privileged to track, if you will, the training, philosophy and motivation of 
several extraordinary athletes," writes JONATHAN LITTMAN. To find out what 
it takes to be one of the fastest humans on earth, Littman ran alongside such 
speedsters as Jeremy Wariner, coach John Smith and his champion Maurice 
Greene, and Torri Edwards, our best hope for 100-meter gold in Beijing. 


fiction 


98 NOBODY MOVE, PART TWO 
In this second installment of a gritty four-part modern noir written exclusively 
for pLavsor, National Book Award winner DENIS JOHNSON has the fugitive gambler 
Jimmy and his sexy new friend Anita on the lam. As they hide out and get to 
know each other intimately, Gambol, the bookie's collector whom Jimmy shot, 
nurses his wound and fantasizes about revenge. 


the playboy forum 


39 FORTRESS WASHINGTON 
President Bush has operated under the theory that he has been free to do COVER STORY 

as he wished since his election. Not so, says former Republican congressman "Of all the athletes out there, think women 

MICKEY EDWARDS. The public, through its representatives, can and must check the ^ tennis players are the sexiest,” says cover 

executive, Too often presidents claim the people should be protected from the model Ashley Harkleroad. We couldn't agree 

govemment, while they spend their time protecting the govemment from the people. тоге. Ashley's summer promises to be full of 

competition at its best, but her pictorial here 

may be the highlight of the season. Senior 


200 Contributing Photographer Arny Freytag 
finds Ashley ready to serve it up on our cover 
90 SELMA BLAIR Ош Rabbit shadows her every move. 


The actress who famously French-kissed Sarah Michelle Gellar in Cruel Intentions 
doesn't think she has an erotic bone in her body. We beg to differ. STEPHEN REBELLO 
chats up Hellboy’s main flame about her offbeat roles and appeal. 


interview 


45 BEN STILLER 
Blockbusters Ike Meet the Parents and There's Something About Mary have made 
him one of Hollywood's most powerful multihyphenates. Now we reunite the star 
of this summer's Tropic Thunder with JERRY STAHL, whom Stiller portrayed in 
Permanent Midnight, to candidly discuss Stiller's on-screen humiliations, his 
casting Tom Cruise as a bald studio head and how not to house-train a dog, 


vol. 55, no. 8—august 2008 


PLAYBOY 


pictorials 37 THE PLAYBOY ADVISOR 
58 THE SURREAL WIFE 86 PARTY JOKES 
135 WHERE AND HOW TO BUY 
138 GRAPEVINE 


h the TV audience. 


70  PLAYBOY'S OLYMPIC fashioh 
ALL OF FAME 
88 JOSH PECK 
The former Nickelodeon star 


graduates from sneakers to 
uits for his breakout role in 
The Wackness. 

BY JENNIFER RYAN JONES 
96 COWBOY UP 


А pair of pro bull riders show 
that a ket over jeans is 


76 PLAYMATE: KAYLA 
COLLINS 


102 LOVE, ASHLEY 
ranked tennis pro Ashley 


th 
ring as in a restaurant. 
BY JOSEPH DE ACETIS 


notes and news this month on оу.с 
n THE WORLD OF PLAYBOY г - 
Hef brates his thday at the MAGAZINE BLOG 
ns in Vegas with Criss Angel, News, views and inside perspectives 
LaChapelle and an under- from pLarsor editors. playboy.com/blog 
dressed Pam Anderson, 
GARDEN FLOWERS 
x е the sexiest babes of Olive Garden 
COVERS UP 
through more than 50 years of cul- 
131 
iaa tural history in the Puaveor cover archi 
athens Pow wail playboy.com/magazine 
Playmates on THE 21ST 2, 
the tube? Take the quiz QUESTION 
One more quip from 
А xy Selma Blair. 
departments ا‎ 
p om/21q 
3 PLAYBILL 
RISING STARS 
13 DEAR PLAYBOY Check out our ar- 
17 AFTER HOURS We di eyes, 
Be yber Girls and 
25 REVIEWS 
31 MANTRACK 


PRINTED IN U.S.A. 


PLAYBOY 


HUGH M. HEFNER 
editor-in-chief 


(CHRISTOPHER NAPOLITANO 
editorial director 
STEPHEN RANDALL deputy editor 
ROB WILSON art director 
GARY COLE photography director 
AJ. BAIME, LEOPOLD FROEHLICH executive editors 
JAMIE MALANOWSKI managing editor 


EDITORIAL 
FEATURES: AMY GRACE LOYD literary editor; снір ROWE senior editor 
FASHION: JOSEPH DE ACETIS diTecior; JENNIFER RYAN JONES editor FORUM: TIMOTHY MOHR associate editor 
MODERN LIVING: SCOTT ALEXANDER senior editor STAFF: ROBERT в. DE SALVO, JOSH ROBERTSON 
associate editors; ROCKY Rakovic assistant editor; HEATHER HAEBE Senior editorial assistant; VIVIAN COLON, 
GILBERT MACIAS editorial assistants CARTOONS: JENNIFER THIELE (nés york), AMANDA WARREN 
(los angeles) editorial coordinators COPY: WINIFRED ORMOND copy chief; CAMILLE CAUTI associate copy chief; 
DAVID DELE AMY LYNN TONSITS, JOSEPH WESTERFIELD Cop) editors RESEARCH: DAVID COHEN 
Ін 1 research director; BRENDAN CUMMINGS ориу research chief; RON MOTTA senior research editor; BRYAN ABRAMS, 
CORINNE CUMMINGS, MICHAEL MATASSA erh editors EDITORIAL PRODUCTION: DAVID PFISTER 
assistant managing editor; VALERIE THOMAS manager; KRISTINE ECO associate CONTRIBUTING EDITORS: 
MARK BOAL (writer at large), KEVIN BUCKLEY, SIMON COOPER, GRETCHEN EDGREN, LAWRENCE GROBEL, 
KEN GROSS, DAVID HOCHMAN, WARREN KALBACKER, ARTHUR KRETCHMER (OIL) JONATHAN LITTMAN, 


ENTER A CHANCE TO JOE MORGENSTERN, JAMES R. PETERSEN, STEPHEN REBELLO, DAVID RENSIN, JAMES ROSEN, 


XTRA QUALITY TIME WITH DAVID SHEFF, DAVID STEVENS, ROB TANNENBAUM, JOHN D. THOMAS, ALICE K. TURNER, ROB WALTON 
AN XTRA SPECIAL PLAYMATE. ART 
том STAEBLER contributing art director; SCOTT ANDERSON, BRUCE HANSEN, CHET SUSKI, 
One lucky winner will attend LEN wILLISsenior art directors; PAUL CHAN senior art assistant; 
an upcoming Playmate Xtra CORTEZ WELLS ап services coordinator; STEFANI COLE senior art administrator 
shoot in our Chicago studios PHOTOGEARHY 
STEPHANIE MORRIS wes! coast editor; JIM LARSON managing editor; HOLLY MADISON 
including dinner with the playmate editor; PATTY BEAUDET-FRANCES senior editor-entertainment; KEVIN KUSTER senior editor; 
MATT STEIGBIGEL associate edior; RENAY LARSON assslant editor; ARNY FREYTAG. STEPHEN WAYDA 
featured Playmate and tour of senior contributing photographers; GEORGE GEORGIOU, MATT WAGEMANN staff photographers; 
the Playboy photo library. JAMES INBROCNO, RICHARD IZUI, MIZUNO, BYRON NEWMAN, GEN NISHINO, JARMO POHJANIENI, DAVID RANS, 
EVIN CRAIG 


ILL WHITE contributing photographers; BONNIE JEAN KENNY manager: photo archía 
manager, imaging lab; MARIA HAGEN зір; PENNY EKKERT, ERYSTLE JOHNSON, 
BARBARA LEIGH production coordinators 


LOUIS R. MOHN publisher 


ADVERTISING 
ков EISENHARDT associate publisher; вох STERN advertising director; MELEN BIANCULLI 
executive director, direce-response advertising: marie riRNENO advertising operations director 
NEW YORK: JESSIE CLARY category sales manager- fashion; SHERI WARNKE. southeast manager; 
Jopi WHITE account manager CHICAGO: LAUREN KINDER mies sales manager 
LOS ANGELES: COREY SPIEGEL west coast manager DETROTT: STEVE ROUSSEAU detroid manager 
SAN FRANCISCO: ED MEAGHER northwest manager 


MARKETING 
LISA NATALE asociate pulisher/marketing: STEPHEN MURRAY marketing services director; 
DANA ROSENTHAL events marketing director; CHRISTOPHER SHOOLIS research director; 


Y DONNA TAVOSO creative services director 


PUBLIC RELATIONS 
LAUREN MELONE division senior vice president; non HILBURGER publicity director 


Enter to win today at PRODUCTION 


WWW. com. / MARIA MANDIS director; JODY JURGETO Production manager; DEMIE TILLOU associate manager; 
9 CHAR KROWCZYK. BARB TERIELA ахуа managers: BILL BENWAY SIMMIE WILLIAMS prepress 


CIRCULATION 
LARRY A. DJERP neussiand sales director; PHYLLIS ROTUNNO subscription circulation director 


ADMINISTRATIVE 


a 6 MARCIA TERRONES rights & permissions director 


INTERNATIONAL PUBLISHING 
зов ODONNELL managing director; ravi WALKER editorial director 


Officia rulas and full detalla can be found on the PLAYBOY ENTERPRISES INTERNATIONAL, INC. 
Website. No purchase necessary Void In California CHRISTIE HEFNER chairman, chief executive officer 


ie he preted Open to US endete ony 
Маа bea or eider 1o otter Ee ВА вов MEVERS president, media group 


THE HOUSE BUNNY 
SCREENING AT PMW 
It was a very special movie 
night when Anna Faris (right 
and below far left) brought 
over a print of The House 
Bunny to screen for Het and 
the giris. The film, which hits 


theaters in late August, stars | 


Faris as a Bunny who moves 
ош of the Playboy Mansion 
and Into a sorority house to 
teach clueless coeds how 
to attract boys. Of course 
Het and the girls steal a few 
scenes In the picture. 


HEF'S BIRTHDAY WEEKEND 
Mr. Playboy celebrated his 82nd 
birthday with his three best girls, 
Holly, Bridget and Kendra (left), 
at the Playboy Club Casino in 
Vegas. The marquee atthe Palms 
was transformed into the world’s 
largest birthday card (right) to 


celebrate the occasion. Pam | 


Anderson surprised the birthday 
boy by delivering a cake to him 


in his suite, wearing nothing but | 


high heels and a smile (below 
left and center). Photographer 
David LaChappelle and illusion- 
Ist Criss Angel joined the cel. 
ebration (below right) 


но 


SPEND A YEAR WITH THE GIRLS NEXT DOOR 
ould you like to wake up next to Holly, Bridg 
morning? You can: The titilating triumvirate Is back with the 
2009 Girls Next Door calendar. Looks like it wi 


$ crus $ 
V Me wors bmn Pam ta. 
Som ма, 


reat HUGH HEFNER) & 
THE GIRLS NER” BOA 


t апа Kendra each 
my 


be avery good year, 


воў 
cover girls. (2) Playboy favorite Во Derck 


enc а 7 
— x ¬ 

with the Man, posing for pictures. (3) In this 
corner: Lennox Lewis and Hef. (4 
luminaries like the Houston Texa ў 
Demps made their way to the Pla 
Royal party: (5) Idol Taylor Hicks E 
Gir Destiny Whiu ! | 

‹ Y > 


Young with Mi 
The B 
with Playn Pi a and Tyran 


ard. (8) Cele Joey Fatone with a 


bevy of Bu Piscopo with Michael 
Jordan and Play s. (10) The МЕТ: Byron 
hand Warrick Dunn. (11) At Churchill 
following afternoon, artist LeRoy 


nd Holly. (12) 9 


d 
winner, Big Brown. “I know a good thorough- 
bred when I see опе” he said with a wink 


ЕСЕСІН 


P | а 


y b 


о y 


GLOBAL INFLUENCE 

Thank you for a fascinating Playboy 
Interview with journalist Fareed Zakaria 
(May). He’s right that the U.S. needs to 
embrace its immigrants as a source of 
strength. Lam a college history instruc- 
tor with students from Africa, Eastern 
Europe, China, Vietnam, Jordan, 
Egypt, India and Bangladesh. The 
have seen up close how a competitive 
election works, including how а candi- 
date must explain in detail what he or 
she hopes to accomplish. They are 
observing how a multi-everything soci- 
ety works out its ethnic, religious, есо- 
nomic and cultural differences 
peacefully, if not always completely. 


Zakaria on the “post-American” world. 


These kids are our most effective am- 
bassadors to the rest of the world 
Excluding their energy, goodwill and 
potential will only hurt us in the end. 
Thomas Maxim Guerin 
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania 


Zakaria argues that we should talk to 
rogue states such as Iran, but a success- 
ful negotiation requires both sides to act 
in good faith, As the Camp David and 
Oslo accords demonstrate, deals made 
with terrorists are worthless 

Brooks Mick 
Yorktown, Virgi 


а 


As a right-wing libertarian, I find it 
refreshing to sce the left has not run 
out of smart people who are willing to 
examine our problems with a critical 
eye. If the candor and good nature of 
Zakaria and others like him rub off on 
Washington, we will be better off 
Mark Millan 
Cincinnati, Ohio 


Zakaria berates economic “protec- 
tionism” as harmful to the economy, 
yet the U.S. and every other industri- 
alized nation is a powerhouse thanks 
to the smart use of economic protec- 
tionism, not policies that open up 
our country to a corporate fire sale 
Similarly, as the Iraq war drags on, 
Zakaria bemoans the Bush adminis- 
tration’s “chest-pumping machismo” 
that tries “to convert people to nir- 
vana” by “beating them up, humiliat- 
ing and punishing them.” He doesn't 
mention his role as a key early cheer- 
leader for the war; he even attended 
a secret White House mecting in 2001 
to help the administration crafi argu- 
ments to justify the invasion. Zakaria's 
elitism is the type Americans are now 
rejecting at the polls 
David Sirota 
Denver, Colorado 
Sirota is the author of The Uprising: An 
Unauthorized Tour of the Populist Revolt 
Scaring Wall Street & Washington. In 2006 
Zakarıa told The New York Times he had 
thought the White House gathering was a 
‘brainstorming session” and was not told it 
uld result in an official report. He added 
that he routinely gives advice to policy mak- 
ers and elected officials: “If a senator calls 
me up and asks me what we should do in 
Iraq, Pm happy to talk to him." 


As a conservative, I never thought 
I would commend you on a political 
interview, but kudos to David Sheff. 
Zakaria's optimism is infectious. 

Jason Maxwell 

Charlotte, North Carolina 


After we took/ received the land from 
the natives, we used it to feed the world. 
After we built the bomb, we used it to 
protect the world. The most populated 
parts of the globe are only now at the 
point of the industrialization we went 
through a century ago and applying 
the farming techniques we developed 
decades ago. The most important ques- 
tion is, can the rest of the world build 
on our achievements? 

Gene Phillip 
Great Falls, Virginia 


I'm happy to learn my favorite Neus- 
week columnist is so well-thought-of in 
many circles. Too bad he was born in 
India; he'd be a great president 
Bill Spore 
Carlsbad, California 


Zakaria's perspective asan immigrant 
should be read by anyone planning to 
vote in November. It’s important for 
Americans to know there is fear in the 


world, and the fear is of us. Our poli- 

cies have isolated us. We must work to 

again be the light of the world. 
Richard Dill 
Knoxville, Tennessee 


RUSSIAN UNDRESSING 
1 love The Women of Putin's Russia 

(May). But when you compare the shot 

of Olga Kurbatova on the cover with the 

one on page 109, it's obvious her bra is 

a masterwork of modern engineering 
Barron Blackman 
Raleigh, North Carolina 


I's refreshing to see so many natural 
breasts in one place 
Norman Wells 
Houston, Texas 


My boyfriend and I love the Rus- 
sians but would love to see more Asian 
women in the magazine. How about 
The Women of Yasuo Fukuda’s Japan? 
Nicole Turner 
Muncie, Indiana 


Your May issue arrived a week be- 
fore I lefi for a trip to Moscow. How 
did you narrow it down to 16 wome 


LAST DAYS 
TEUNTOLD 
STORY 


JENNIFER 
LEIGH 


E 
BASEBALL 
PREVIEW 


The Russians аге coming—if you're lucky. 


Every woman I saw was more beautiful 
than the one before. I was so distracted 
I nearly twisted my ankle several times 
on the cracked sidewalks. 
D. Gorham 
Houston, Texas 


The women of Russia are gorgeous, 
yet I can't help but think we need to 
send more food to our comrades. 
Dan Kingsley 
Liuleton, Colorado 


13 


àv 


inna do 


iun 


BRIDGESTONE 


W SPEED RATING 
ПЕШІ 


ITS BRIDGESTONE 
OR NOTHING. 


TIRESAFETY.COM 
1-800-807-9555 
BRIDSESTONETIRE.COM 


PASSION 
for EXCELLENCE 


BIG TALENT 
I was ecstatic to see The Last Days of 

Chris Farley in the May issue, as he is my 

favorite comedian. But when I shared. 

my excitement with a girl I'm dating, 

her response was "Who?" Is her igno- 

rance a deal breaker? I think so. 
Austin Lewis 
Athens, Georgia 


Farley's tragic end demonstrates that 
even with millions of adoring fans you 
can still be living—lonely and empty— 
in a van down by the riv. 

Karen Fitzgerald 
Tampa, Florida 


Farley's childishness may have led 
to his death. His friends couldn't stay 
mad at him because it was as if he 
didn't know any better, no matter how 
many times they slapped his hand 
Joey Vosevich 
St. Louis, Missouri 


In 1989 my family saw a Second 
City show in Chicago. Soon we were 
breaking up over a young, heavyset 
cast member as he did backflips and 
crashed into tables. Farley was a comic 
genius. As Robert De Niro's character 
з А Bronx Tale, “The saddest thing 
is wasted talent.” 

Robert Burke 
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania 


A RIFF TOO FAR 

1 loved your 200 with Bob Saget 
(May). However, the opening of the 
led urethra but the 
us. Now Bob knows. 
Shawn Legge 
Harrisburg, Pennsylvania 


penis is not с 
urethra 


Some things should not be said, and 
when they are said they should not 
be repeated. Saget’s "joke" about his 
daughter is not only disgusting but 
makes light of sexual assault 
Steve Young 
Brandon, Missouri 


HATING HILLARY 

The venom Laura Kipnis uncarths 
from right-wing Hillary Clinton biog- 
raphies (The Men Who Hate Hillary, 
May) is no surprise 10 Clinton's many 
supporters. The only journalists who 
did not turn against her are Kipnis and 
Bill Moyers of PBS. 


Jason Май 
Redland, Florida 


Kipnis shows that a bright writer 
can be very entertaining and wrong, 
though she probably knows that. She 
certainly knows I cannot be ranked 
among the men who hate Hillary, for 
Hillary only makes me laugh. Kipnis 


does too, though І am laughing with 


her, not at her. If this is typical of 
PLAYBOY s literary offerings, І need to 
renew my subscription, which lapsed 
sometime during the Cold War 
R. Emmett Tyrrell Jr 
Arlington, Virginia 


Kipnis concludes by asserting that the 
allegedly unjustified dislike of Hillary by 
the right is mostly due to women pla 
ing too dominant a role in child rear- 
ing. No defense of Hillary is complete 
without some general feminist ranting. 

Chuck Flournoy 
Houston, Texa 


TOTALLY HOT, FULL STOP 
Arny Freytag's photos of AJ Alexan- 
der are amazing (All-American AJ, Мау) 
I would love his job for a day 
ей Troutman 
Reading, Pennsylvania 


Clothespin omen: jeans going on, not off 


After serving up a groaner about 
how AJ's name, "like an expectant 
mother,” has no periods, you show 
her wearing a name tag that reads 
AJ. If you're going to make that kind 
of error, keep it as far away from her 
breasts as possible. 

Andy Wasylak 


Lowell, Massachusetts 


My husband and 1 have been sub- 
scribers for 10 years, and never has a 
Playmate been the topic of so much 
discussion. First a girlfriend men- 
tioned how gorgeous A] is, and not 
a day later my husband, who never 
comments about women to me (God 
love him), said she is by far the best 
Centerfold he has ever seen. 

Rachell Horbenko 
Chicago, Ilinois 


Read more feedback at playboy.com/blog. 


Email via the web at LETTERS PLAYBOY.COM Or write: 730 FIFTH AVENUE, NEW YORK, NEW YORK 10019 


Cassandra Hepburn may be a 
Bond girl. We're not saying she 
ay play one someday—although 
she may—we're saying if we 
found out tomorrow she was a 
spy, we'd believe it. “І saw Dr. No 
when | was seven years old,” she 
recalls in a smoky, mostly British 
accent, “І saw Ursula Andress 
and said, ‘That's what | want to 
be.'" Her international-woman- 
of-mystery résumé is solid: Born 
in the Philippines, she grew up 
in Hong Kong, Switzerland and 
the U.K. and was living the no- 
madic life of a model when she 
decided to get serious about act- 
g. In her first movie, Time 
Lapse, she played a lesbian 
hacker. “I've never had a real sex 
scene,” she complains, “but in 
that film | fondle my roommate a 
bit.” Next up: a pole dancer on 
The Young and the Restless. 
“There | was in my skiwies 
again,” she says. “I get a lot of 
roles where I'm down to my skiv- 
vies.” But the right people were 
starting to notice: When Eli Roth 
tells Quentin Tarantino to take a 
lock at you, you're on a good 
path. That's how she ended up in 
Hell Ride, the neo-grind house 
biker flick produced by Q.T. 
Cassandra won't reveal any plot 
twists, saying only, “It's my first 
sexy-sexy role. The men will not 
be disappointed.” She's also in 
Surfer, Dude, as Woody Harrel- 
son's nine-months-pregnant 
Polynesian wife—her first ugly- 
ugly role, perhaps. “They had to 
put me in the ugly chair,” she 
says. "I'd come out with makeup 
on and ratty hair, and Matthew 
McConaughey would look at me 
and say, ‘Nope, still too pretty." 


“| get 
a lot 
of roles 
where 
I'm down 
to my 
skivvies.” 


RATHVEYISAGELIFRUER 


18 


afterhours 


How to Improve 
Your Bat Speed 


POWERFUL ADVICE FROM A 
PRO SLUGGER 


Colorado Rockies third baseman Gar- 
rett Atkins is a 300 batt 
of the heavy hitters on the sı 
mast-prolific offense in the Natio 
League in 2007. We asked him for tips 
on swinging a bigger bat 


PLAYBOY: How can you increase bat 
speed? 
ATKINS: Just take a lot of swings. | did 
it for years growing up. Pretty much 
every day my dad would pitch me 100 
to 150 tennis balls. He'd stand about 
to 40 feet away. The more you swing, 
the better your hand-eye coordination 
gets. It's a lot of repetition 
PLAYBOY: When you work out, what 
muscle: Ша you target to increase 
bat spe 
ATKINS: Hand and wrist strength are 
important, obviously, but a lot of people 
t that hitting is a total body motion 
's a lot of torque in a 
it's your core muscles, Ov rall 
body composition is critically important: 
Your arms and chest don't need to be 
huge, but everything has to be pretty off-speed pitches, 
strong and work in unison. that and look for the fastball away that 
PLAYBOY: How can you improve your You can take to the opposite field. 
pitch recognition? PLAYBOY: Do chicks dig the long ball? 
ATKINS: You have to be loose. If you're think 
up there sitting on a fastball and try- they dig the long ball. | always get 
ing to pull the ball every time, you're more text messages the morning after 
not going to be successful hitting the І hit a home run. 


swing 


just beastly 


Shel 
Silverstein 
Returns 


First published in 
1964, our late 
Uncle Shelbys 
Don't Bump the 
Glump! and Other 
Fantasies is back 
on shelves, In it are 
about the 
Griss, the Feezus 
and the fellow 

at left—the Slurm. 


what 


Self-Serve 
Beer Tap: 
Invention 
ofthe 
Year? 


YOU MAY SOON 
PULL YOUR 
OWN PINTS. 
SEEMS LIKE A 
MOSTLY GOOD 
IDEA TO US 


Some things simply cannot be improved on, and drinkin, 
to be one of them. A company called Table Tap disagrees. 

sports bar near you is the TableTender, a se beer tap built i 
not unlike pumping your own gas: A meter keeps track of how much 
pense, and you simply get a bill at the end of the night. Pros: No ti 


in a bar would seem 
ossibly, to a 
table. It's 


What She's 
Thinking Now 


It's August—what is that girlfriend/ 
wife/mistress of yours thinking? 
(Aside from the usual “Where is 
ationship going?” stuff 


ver a stack of women's 
magazines, TiVo-ed Oprah and Tyra 
and even couple of live 
females. Our findings 

The trendy girl drink she wants is 
not a mojito or a cosmopolitan. The 
s tes of choice are actu- 
tea and rose 
water, Scan the cocktail menu for tea 
combined with flavored vodka or rum 
and for rose water with gin or tequila. 
Her odd new swimsuit is working 
wonders. Women's swimwear comes 
in two flavors: bikini and insecure. 
The suddenly popular third option: 
the cutaway. It's designed to cover 
flaws while exposing curves. It 
also leaves some weird tan lines, 
although those can be prevented. 
She's faking her tan and is proud 
of it. Great strides have been made 
in the science of artificial bronzing, 
and a good bronzing isn't cheap. 
Yes, she looks like a Tokyo prosti- 
tute—that's the point. Used to be only 
Nancy Sinatra and Japanese babes 
could wear boots with a miniskirt 
or short shorts, but now the look is 
here. The women wearing it 
know it's a bit slutty; they also know 
slutty drives us wild 

She wants to go away with you this 
weekend. Not that hanging around 
; she just needs а 


red 


[afterhours 


employee of the month 


How to Get Into Magazines 


GAL FRIDAY MARISA JACOBSON 
PLAYBOY'S PUBLISHER ON HIS ТО 


PLAYBOY: You cut a familiar fi 
York office. What exactly 

| assist our put 
ber of sales representat 
conference calls and trave 
dence a 
in our offi 
PLAYBOY: 


round Playboy's 


Shhh—don't tell Lou. Jt 
to help make everything run sm 
PLAYBOY: What do you like most about 
Most of the outside partie 
everybody at Playboy 
approachable quality makes me 
Plus | get free porn 
PLAYBOY: Did you 
lve ne 
asn nt my first thc 


think you'd be in the magazi 
r been shy about nudi 
ght. The lo 


nitely 


up. PLAYBOY is iconic, and it w 
PLAYBOY: Do you think your work 
ISA: Sometimes it's tough to 
ings. They may call me back m 


Want to be the next Employee cf the Month? Learn how to apply at playtey. com! 


fueling controversy 


Gas for $1 a Gallon? 


chine that makes ethanol fuel for 


sugar, Why its cool: Its a fuck-you to 
а and all the Bushes 
or the unit, but your gas could cost a buck 


) to 14 p 


tricity, to make a ga 


except Reg 


pounds of sugar, 
allon of ethanol. 


the numb 
ваг is likely to be th 
ly numbers rivali 
of the shark. That w. 
ite capital of the 
early May of thi 
thern California 
hite fatally bit a triathlete 
at Un: 


> much turf in the surf, 


anning their new 


st in hist 
hose of 
when Vol 
world, recorded 
is year the area 
hysteria ensued 
just 150 yards 


d Ey 


sieh 


that 


19 


afterhours 


How to Care for a Summer Suit 


IN THE DOG DAYS OF AUGUST, DON’T LET YOUR BEST 
BRIGHTS GET THAT NOT-SO-FRESH FEELING 


sy, but if 
high-end 
most out 


l and linen 


t them out of 
which 
the suit 


уг linen with steam 
starch but better 
th a hot iron on a day 


humid or in an air-conditioned environment." 
little Bordeaux lands in your lap, don't let the waiter 
your linen with a napkin and club soda. The dye 

y fragile, and you'll take it off if it with any 
lust blot it and get er soon—the 


‘ible 


sh white wine or a p 


en know it until later, w 


o sweat, and your jacket will 
take it to the dry cleaner 

like an in- 
isn't bad if 


ultra mari 


The Path to Peace? 


JARHEADS JAWBONE ON GENERATION KILL Man Food Delivered to Your 


With Generation Kill, a miniseries about marines in Door: Texas Barbecue 


unflinching portrait of the war— 
y from Band of Brothers. Here's an 
unusual theory of international relations advanced by 
poral Person (James Ransone): 
It's lack of pussy that fucks countries up. Lack of 
he root-fucking-cause of all global instability 
If more hajjis were getting quality pussy, there'd be по 
reason for us to come over here and fuck them up like 
this, be a nut-busting hajji is a happy hajji.... If 
you took the Republican Guard and comped their asses 
in Vegas for a weekend, no fucking war.... If Saddam 
invested more in the pussy infrastructure of Iraq than he 
did on his fucking gay-ass army, then this country would 
be no more fucked up than, say, Mexico.” 


tside Austin, you'll find what 
te at a restaurant called 


30 minutes 


y, and meat me: 
bq.c 


m; a hundr 
k, a rack of pork ribs and 
htto 10 
y out plenty of sides (bear jalapeño 
an find it) and be 
may ha 


THE DARK KNIGHT 


Batman finally gets serious 
By Stephen Rebello 


When you've got a director like Christopher Nolan and you're 
J by such great actors as Christian Bale, Heath 
gje Gyllenhaal, Michael Caine, Gary Oldman and 
gan Freeman, plus you're in a franchise with a profound 
history—you don't want to be the one that sucks the most, 
ys Aaron Eckhart, who in the new Batman epic, The Dark 
plays crusading district attorney Harvey Dent. Bat- 
that Eckhart's character morphs into the villainous 
e and has a showdown with the psychopathic Joker 
(played by the late Ledger) that helps flip Dent over to the 
dark side. “Chris and his screenwriter brother Jonathan Nolan 
have taken the franchise in a serious, 
psychological direction,” says Eckhart. “The movie 
Harvey Dent's motivation is justice after; : 
a terrible injustice. All the characters 15 full-on all 


have something to say, and the actors the time.” 


took it really seriously. When | saw what 


Heath was doing with his character, | knew everybody on this 
movie had come to play. What a contribution to the film. It 
hit me, Wow, this is serious stuff.” But for all its seriousnes: 
the movie—which centers on Batman (Bale), police commi 
ioner James Gordon (Oldman) and Dent's efforts to bring to 


justice the terrifyinely schizoid Joker—apparently plays like 
a wild thrill ride. “People will leave the theater limp,” says 
Eckhart. “They're going to feel as though they were in a wind 
tunnel. The movie is full-on all the time. 


Towelhead 

(Summer Ві, Aaron Eckhart, Toni Coll This 
quiet hand grenade of a movie lobbed by Alan Ball (the creator 
of Six Feet Under) has a young Arab American girl dealing with 
racism, her own awakening sexuality, an overbearing father, a 
screwup of a mother and a bigoted Army reservist and pedophile. 


Our call: Dark, troubling, often- 
times uncomfortable to watch 
but never exploitative, Ball's 
feature directorial debut offers 
a slew of terrific performances 
and unexpected jabs of humor. 


The X-Files: | Want to Believe 

hovny, Gillian de Amanda P The second 
[us version of the popular TV series has FBI agents Scully 
and Mulder being reluctantly lured back into action. The duo 
investigates the abduction of a group of women that may involve 
а mysterious creature on a killing rampage in Virginia's rural hills. 


Our call: The combustible screen 
chemistry between Duchovny 
and Anderson has worked before, 
so the addition of a "monster 
of the week"-type thriller plot 
promises to be scary good fun. 


Tropic Thunder 
1 Stiller, Ji lack, Rc т Stiller directs and stars 
in this cn comedy send-up about self-absorbed actors shooting 
an epic war film in Southeast Asia. When local drug lords mistake 
the celebrities for DEA agents and attack, the actors become con- 


vinced they're in a real war and react like stars in battle. 


Our call: We saw a screen- 
Ing of this outrageously funny 
and irreverent parody. Its un- 
disputed jaw-dropper Is the 
killer comic tour de force from 
a fearless Downey. 


Pineapple Express. 

(Seth Rogen, James Fr Rosie Perez) Comic genius Judd Apa- 
tow strikes again with this sonet comedy, 19805 style action fick 
featuring Rogen as a weed-loving process server who witnesses a 
murder, which lands him and his pot dealer Franco in the thick of 
а gang war involving a killer cop and a vicious drug lord. 


Our call: Haters say the Apatow 
comic express is running out of 
steam, but we caught an early 
screening of this gut-buster— 
one of the most raucously funny 
movies of the year. 


2 


reviews [ dvds 


Pava onthe mont 


[A] 


Luck runs out for six card-counting students when Sin City strikes back 


When we excerpted Ben Mezrich's nonfiction bestseller Enr 


Story of S MIT Students Who Took Ve; 
thought, Slick future flick. Sure enough, t 
Jim Sturgess snogging it up with 
co-conspirator Kate Bosworth, 
Oddly, the movie's two trump 
cards—Kevin Spacey, as the 
math professor who master- 
minds the blackjack blitz, and 
Laurence Fishburne, who leads 
casino security—both fail to 
elevate the material. Still, the 
fetching young stars and melo- 
dramatic thrills leave you feeling 
ahead of the house, Best extra: 
21; Virtual Blackjack” Bluray 
game. (BD) ¥¥¥ —Greg Fagan 


c the House: The Inside 
Milions, in our November 2002 issue, we 
features math geek turned card shark 


STAR TREK: THE ORIGINAL SERIES: 
SEASON TWO The 1967 season brought 
us tribbles and a world influenced by 1920s 
gangsters. The 
newly enhanced 
special effects are 
worth the upgrade. 
Best extra: Rare 
home movies, ¥¥¥ 

Bryan Reesman 


THE COUNTERFEITERS This year's Oscar 
winner for best foreign fim is а searing thriler 
about сопсепігабопсатр inmates forced by 
Nazis to produce 
counterfeit money. 
Best extra: Inter- 
views with reaHife 
counterfeiter Adolf 
Burger. ¥¥¥ 

Matt Steigbigel 


TYRONE POWER MATINEE IDOL COL- 
LECTION Best known as a swashbuckler, 
Power also did romantic comedies. These 10 
debuts include the 1948 fantasy Luck of 


the Insh (pictured) 
as well as the 1940 
crime saga Johnny 
Apolo. Best extra: 
Jayne Meadows 
Remembers” fea- 
turette. уҹу 
—Buzz McClain 


late into the real world after 
being raised in a 
camper. This is a 
fascinating, trou- 
bling documentary. 
Best extra: A look 
into Doc's “Five 
Pillars of Health.” 
yyy —B.R. 


THE WIRE: THE COMPLETE FIFTH SEA- 
SON The dozen or so story lines in HBO's Bal- 
timore cop drama reach their conclusion in 
these instalments. 
David Simon's cre- 
ation stil begs for 
a movie sequel 
Best extra: Four- 
season retrospec- 
tive. ¥¥¥ —B.M 


[ SLOPPY SECONDS ] 


How many times do studios expect us to buy the same movies and TV shows on DVD? 


Extended editions, Ultimate editions. Super- 
duper gift packs. Just when you think you've 
purchased the definitive DVD of your favorite 
movie, along comes another with a few 
more minutes of footage or some "newly 
discovered" bonus feature. For 
example, the "new" Batman 
Begins puts the 2005 fim on 
DVD again in a gift set boast- 
ing bonuses like a “Batman- 
branded” 128 MB flash drive 
Worth the upgrade? Its your 
call, depending on whether 
you bought any of the eight 
prior releases, including the 
wide-screen, fullframe, UMD 
and high-def iterations. But 
Batman's no Blade Runner: 
After last year's spectacular 
rerelease, Ridley Scott's scifi classic ranks 
number one with 11 DVD versions, including 
wo now-obsolete HD DVD packages. Such 
favorites find the studios suckling at the cuit- 
collectibles teat, double- and triple dipping 
to take advantage of loyal film fans. Thats 
why Terminator 2: Judgment Day, The 


Princess Bride and The Evil Dead (seven 
editions each) are among the most frequently 
“new and improved.” Even Alexander has 
been brought forth on disc six times, thanks 
to Oliver Stone going back in for 
directors cuts. If 

you were bummed that 
neither Twin Peaks 
set included the TV 
/s piot, the studio 
answered your prayers 
with Twin Peaks: 

The Definitive Gold 

Box Edition. Yes, to 

get the pilot you must 
buy—again—the first 
two seasons, bunded 
with it. But double- 
dipping can also have 
tical purpose: The intial 
Bluray disc of The Fifth Element 


looking for a handout when your favorite DVD 
is supplanted by a shiny new version with buy- 
me-please packaging. The only dipping you'll 
be doing is into your wallet GE 


A 


proved subpar and was superseded 
by a better version. In this case 
Sony stepped up and offered a 
free disc exchange for those who 
bought the bunk one, but 


When the XFiles series ended, Gillian Anderson 
fleshed out edgier roles in indies like Closure (pic- 


tured). Now the rousing redhead is reuniting with 
David Duchovny іп The XFies: І Want to Believe. 


reviews [ MUSIC 


| WONDER-TWIN POWERS | 


Willie and Wynton's new blues collaboration is an unlikely pairing that works. What makes a duo click? 


en Run-D.M.C. and 
y together, it became the rap- 
the band back from the dead. Robert 
а reated the hauntingly beautiful album 
last year. Ben Folds backed Wiliam Shatner (4) on 
but wonderful Has Been. In 1977 David B 

5) crooned “Little Drummer Boy." On 

(6) to surprisingly go 


ash in on industry 
find a 


with Willie Nelson anc 
Men With the 
Iblime. 0 
a country legend seems a bit, well, odd. But 
other successful matchups shows that c 


| MADE MEN, MEMPHIS-STYLE 


Multiplatinum Three 6 Mafia—the first hip-hop group to perform at the Oscars—returns with Last 2 Walk 


e'll write down all the dif- 
ve got and think, What 


Given all its different projects, Memphis album п 
hip-hop duo Three 6 Mafia may be the ferent s 


le: 


most prolific rap act in the game toc do our fans ear? It's a process 
addition to nultiple platinum-s e already got a weed- 
J oty-shakin' song, we'll take 

ther one off. 


You guys h 


Oth birthday 
ch ith the guys t 

the Mansion and their ninth 

The group has gone th "M 


/ Mansion. It's hi е 
d you need to cool 'em c 
re Man regulars. What's the 
best thing about those parties? 

DJ Paul: Of course my fa: 
ladies. La had to get m 


rite is the 


thing. | took so 
and they didn't 
naked until | 


28 


reviews [ books & games 


[ MIND-BENDING FICTION ] [onantasm of the monin | 


Two novels investigate time travel and magic pills Federico Ғе! 


Selden Edwards took 33 years to craft his 
debut novel, The Little Book, and the result 
is a work that feels effortless. Wheeler Bur- 
den slips from 1988 San Francisco to 1897 
Vienna through “a dislocation in time.” This 
is Vienna at its zenith, when it was a hub for 
the intelectual and artistic elite and the jewel 
of an empire on the brink of dissolution. 
Burden must not alter the course of human 
history, which proves challenging when he 
encounters a mysterious woman, a fellow 
time traveler and a cast of towering figures 
from the 20th century, including Sigmund Freud, who takes Burden 
on as a patient. Part mystery, part meditation on the marriage of 
past and present, part love letter to a bygone era, the novel moves 
fluidly through time and place, belying its three-decade creation. 
Dirk Wittenborr's Pharmakon is a brooding novel about the 
search for happiness. William Friedrich, a psychology professor at 
Yale in the 1950s, believes he has discov- 
ered a drug that could put an end to human 
discontent. His efforts to become a star of 
pharmacology consume him, leading to a 
heinous crime that will color the rest of his 
life and may cost him his family. Friedrich's 
quixotic quest leads us from postwar 
America, where anxiety and depression are 
little understood, through the 1980s and the 
rise of the medicated masses, and it reminds 
us that too often the pain of existence is = 


wow 


: The 
Book of Dreams is a 
visual chronicle of the great 
Italian movie director's 30 
years of “night work.” Filled 
with his brilliantly colored 
nightmares, it is a pageant 
of irrational desires and 
fears. The maestro prowls 
an apocalyptic cityscape, 
dodging flaming cars and 
toppling skyscrapers, when 
not finding solace with his 
familiar corpulent whores. 
—Matt Steigbigel 


the point of existence. —Bryan Abrams 


[ FREE GAMES FOR CHEAP BASTARDS ] 


(Charming spendthrifts also welcome) 


Thanks to advancing Internet technology, 
the quality of games that play directly 
in your web browser is increasing dra- 
matically. These titles can be played 
on almost any 
computer, and 
most are free 
Say hi to your 
boss for us, 
would you? 

Portal 2D 
(kongregate 
com) This fan- 
made 2-D re- 
interpretation of 
Valve's smash 
hit Portal lets 
you abuse time, 
space and physics with a few mouse clicks. 
Off-Road Velociraptor Safari (raptorsafari 
com) Drive through this offroad dinosaur- 
hunting romp in full 3-D, dragging a ball 
and chain behind your jeep as you take 
down velociraptors amid stunt jumps. We 
still don't fully understand it, but that never 


stopped us from playing Katamari Damacy. 
Ikariam (ikariam.org) As in PC hits Ike Set- 
tiers and Cmizatıon, you start with a small 
plot of land, then either work with or screw 
over your fellow 
island residents 
on the way to 
success. Simple 
to learn, addic- 
tive enough to 
ensnare your 
whole office. 

Fallen Em- 
pire: Legions 
(instantaction 
.com) А first- 
person shooter 
playing in a 
browser? Sure, it isn't Halo, but Fallen 
Empire is a fabulous tension breaker if 
youre rocking a Windows machine or an 
Intel Mac. Elsewhere on Instant Action 
you'll find free multiplayer versions of 
Such Xbox Live Arcade favorites as Marble 
Blast, Screvgumper and more. —Scott Stein 


GUITAR HERO: ON TOUR (DS) Now 
you can take the hit music-game series. 
on the road thanks to a nifty fret board 
that plugs into the bottom of your 
DS. Hold down 
the correct but- 
tons and strum 
the touch screen 
to jam out. ¥¥¥ 
—Scott Alexander 


DON KING PRESENTS: PRIZEFIGHTER 
(360, Wii) We hate Don King but still 
hoped this game would challenge Fight 
Nights throne. Unfortunately, its grip- 
ping atmospher- 
ics are undone Y 
by magnitudi- 
ously horrendit- 
fulous controls. 
YY —Scott Jones 


BATTLEFIELD: BAD COMPANY (360, 
PS3) Clichéd story aside, destructibilty 
and sheer open-endedness win the day. 
We like it when the same problem can 
be solved with a 
speeding jeep, an 
attilery battery, a 
rocket launcher 
or a tank. Yyy 
— Scott Steinberg 


SIGNIFICA, INSIGNIFICA, STATS AND FACIS 


Getting married cut: 
1 hour but increa 


Shipload 


If the global ship- 
ping industry 
which consume 
billion barrels of 
oil annually, were 
considered a coun- 
try, it would rank 
7th in tc [ 


а man's weekly housework by about 
a woman's by 7 


Price paid by Sheik Hamdan bin 
Mohammed bin Rashi 
son of Dubai's rul 
camel at a desert festival in April 


The Colbert Bump 


In the month afte 
Col! rt, Di 


an сап 
uests experienced no 


f practi 
they offer 

with or feel guilty 
s' contribution to glol 


ers listed on ecopsychology 
ing to people who are 
bout their own c 


the U 
nearth | corporation 
audited by the 


Internal 


For Science! TTYL, Dude 


genitive brain study, 


researche: Univer- | On average, men use 60 
son characters when texting 
teer stc each other; women use 80. 


up 
st С 
V rs 

A college that wins an NCAA 

Division | football or bas- 

ketball championship will 

see a 7% to 8% increase in 


applications for admission 


Between 1991 a 
the all number of 
hunters in the United 
S ell by 11%, but 
ser of female 
15 


Pink Triangle 
7 the Bettybeauty 
maker o 


19% of th 


men polled 
in an Axe survey said they 
r product: a hot- met tl most recent 
e called Fun Betty. boyfriend at a bar. 


== MANTRACK 22. 


u 


Born-Again Beauty 
On the track in the new Dodge Challenger SRT8 


WHEN DODGE UNVEILED its Challenger concept car two years ago, we couldn't wait to get our hands on the production model. And 
here she finally is, a badass broad with big hips and a 425 hp 6.1-liter Hemi V8—good old-fashioned Detroit iron. Dodge stylists 
stashed a 1970 model in the studio for reference, and the influence is obvious. (If you don't remember the original Challenger, rent 
the highway epic Vanishing Point and crank the volume.) The 2009 Challenger SRTS rolls into showrooms this month. We hustled a 
Challenger around California's Willow Springs Raceway, and for a two-ton car, this baby can boogie. With sharp steering input and 
scads of power (zero to 60 in 51 seconds), the Challenger runs like a scalded dog. impressive specs include a slick-shifting five-speed 
auto stick, enormous Brembo disc brakes, 20-inch alloy wheels and a top speed of 170 mph. Does the world need another Mopar car 
that can fly that fast at 131 miles a gallon? If this picture doesn't convince you, nothing will (Dodge is also offering meeker versions 
with better mileage). The SRT8 starts at about $40,000; info at dodge.com. For more on our test-drive, see playboy.com/cars. 


Small Talk 


WE'VE BEEN FANS of Aliph's Jawbone 
headsets for years now, thanks to their 
combination of high style and industry- 
leading noise-reduction 


tech. Still they manage 
About Time to improve. The new 
WORN BY FIGHTER pilots, astronauts and bomb-squad technicians, Bell Jawbone ($130, 


& Ross watches typically focus on reliability and legibility, often in a style jawbone.com) 
some consider blunt. What a pleasant surprise, then, to find among its is half the size of 
new offerings this delightful (if all but unattainable) flight of fancy, the its forebears but 
BR Instrument Minuteur Tourbillon ($184,000, bellross.com), available in nevertheless 
a limited run of 30. The priority is still time telling, but there's a delight- contains all the 


ful array of complications, including a tourbillon, an analog stopwatch, a same high-test elec- 
separate seconds-counting dial and a power-reserve gauge. tronic guts. 


Your Oolong On 


WHILE TAKING AN art course during his 
junior year in college, Joey Roth designed 
a teapot. Bloggers discovered his sketches 
online and fell in love, sparking an ava- 
lanche of inquiries and order requests. In 
a bold move, instead of sheepishly telling 
people the teapot didn’t exist, he went 
ahead and created the adorably different 
Sorapot ($200, sorapot.com). His success is 
a beacon for garage designers everywhere 
who have dreams of turning pro. 


A Touching Display 


ALL-IN-ONE computers have been around for a while. So have touch screens. The real mystery 
is why we don't see them together more. Take HP's TouchSmart PC ($1,600, hp.com): While you 
can work just fine with the included wireless keyboard and mouse, it’s far more fun to stash those 
primitive tools in a drawer and use the TouchSmart as your personal info kiosk. Whether you're 
in the kitchen or the living room, just tap a 
piece of cover art to hear music, swipe your 
way through photos and home movies, stir 
up some YouTube or Google searching, 
then let your friends drag together an ad 
hoc party mix. Feels good. 


AFTER BEING BLAMED for everything from madness and suicide to awful 
poetry, absinthe was outlawed in most places by the early 1900s. It has 
enjoyed a romantic and dangerous reputation ever since. Remind you of 
any rock stars? Marilyn Manson has long been a fan of the anise-and- 
wormwood scapegoat, so much so that he has spent the past few years 
fine-tuning his own brand with a Swiss distiller. Called Mansinthe ($56, 
mansinthe.com). it's the real deal, which means real wormwood and a 
high thujone (the reviled psychoactive chemical in wormwood) content. 
It probably won't drive you insane, but all the same, stay off the poetry. 


Mine Playboy Advisor 


Every time I read about a famous person 
like Max Mosley, president of the motor- 
ng organization ЕТА, having a sad 
masochistic sex orgy, І wonder how pain. 
is related to pleasure. I let my husband 
spank me because it turns him on, but 
it does nothing for me. It seems coun- 
terintuitive that pain can bring pleasure. 
Is there a physiological reason for this, 
or is it all psychological? Why are these 
two sensations connected?—L.M., Palm 
Beach Gardens, Florida 

How many celebrity SEM orgies have you 
read about? Your husband isn't necessarily into 
pain; it's тот likely he enjoys dominating you 
while you are in a vulnerable and embarrass- 
ing position—over his knee (we presume), your 
panties around your ankles, a naughty girl 
learning her lesson. He's aroused despite your 
indifference, so imagine if you followed the ad- 
vice of spanking enthusiasts online: When he 
gives you a “perfect” slap, you could say “Thank 
you, sir!" He may come then and there, The plea- 
Sure many women get from being spanked lies 
in ceding control. There is a type of freedom and 
certainly less responsibility in being a submis- 
sive, (This can work both ways. Have you tried 
spanking your husband? Report back to us.) 
Some men hedge their bets by slipping а finger 
under their partner to play with her сій; the 
more aroused a person is, the more pain he or 
she can endure. Some psychologists assume any- 
one into “erotic pain” must have been spanked 
or abused as a child, While that may explain 
some people's interest, most algolagniacs are no 
different from people who focus solely on plea- 
sure, They wonder about the shifting boundar- 
ies between pleasure and pain themselves; as 
John and Libby Warren ask in The Loving 
‘Dominant, can a sensation be considered pain 
if you don't try to avoid it? That we perceive 
päin in both positive and negative ways can be 
seen in a submissive who endures а spanking or 
‘flogging but may still complain the straps are 
too tight. (If good pain ever turns bad, the part- 
ners should have a safe word to end the scene.) 
Consider other times when pain is pleasurable, 
such as runners feeling a high, aerobics fiends 
insisting it “hurts so good” and hot-pepper 
lovers craving the burn—all are buzzed on 
natural painkillers known as endorphins. 


[sit possible to salvage an e-mail address 
that has been compromised by spam? 
My filter catches the majority of it, but 
I still have to delete 30 messages every 
day—DSS., Tallahassee, Florida 
Unfortunately, no. Because spammers don't 
delete addresses that bounce, even if you were 
to shutter an e-mail account for years, you 
would still hear from the widows of African 
finance ministers, cut-rate mortgage lenders 
апа penis-enlargement witch doctors as soon 
as you reopened it. Set up a filter so messages 
marked as spam are sent to a junk folder, 
which you can scan occasionally jor false posi- 
tives. Google's Gmail does this by default: Any- 


thing sent to its spam folder is deleted after 30 
days so you don't have to bother. Ask your pro- 
vider if it will kill e-mails that closely resemble 
typical spam before they reach you. “I'm sure 
1 miss some legitimate e-mail that way, but 
it's a price Рт willing to pay," says Randy 
Cassingham of spamprimercom. If you decide 
to make a fresh start, set up two new e-mail 
addresses: one you guard with your life and 
another for public posts, online shopping and 
to give іо anyone you don't know well. Also, 
never respond to à spammer's offer to unsub- 
scribe—that only confirms you read spam and 
makes your address more valuable. 


Î would love to have my wife join me and 
perform for a webcam in a private ses- 
sion with a cam girl. My wife may not like 
the fact that I sometimes masturbate this 
way. Is there any way to convince her 10 
do this?—R.C., Tallahassee, Florida 

We are trying to imagine how you will ask 
her, let alone convince her Masturbating while 
secretly interacting with a live nude girl who's 
not your wife sounds like trouble to us. 


Гауе a friend who has herpes but still 
has unprotected sex. She told me she 
doesn't tell the men she sleeps with, 
because she doesn't want them to spread 
rumors about her. That's nothing to 
admire, but I decided it’s not my busi- 
ness. However, a mutual male friend is 
interested in dating her, and I'm not sure 
what to do. How can I stop her from 
infecting others without ruining our 
friendship?—N.G., Madison, Wisconsin 

You can’t stop her, but you also aren't a hall 
monitor who needs to police your friends’ sex 
lives. Your male friend risks picking up an STD 
during any encounter with a casual partner; 
it’s his responsibility to take precautions. (For 


IUUSTRATIONEY ISTVAN BANAL 


all you know, he already has genital herpes. 
About 20 percent of teenagers and adults do, 
‘and 90 percent of these infected aren't aware of 
it.) Of course your female friend should tell her 
partners she is infected, just as she would want 
1o be informed about any STDs she is exposed 
to. But again: not your affair. 


What is the difference between cham- 
pagne and sparkling wine? The number 
of bubbles?—J.M., Dallas, Texas 

The number of lawyers. Under French law 
the only sparkling wine that can be called 
champagne is produced with grapes grown in 
the Champagne region of France. The Cham- 
penois have been battling for global recogni- 
tion of this distinction for years. For example, 
earlier this year Belgian authorities destroyed 
3,200 bottles of imported bubbly because their 
“California Champagne” label violated a 
European Union trade agreement over the 
use of the word. Another agreement prevents 
the Swiss village of Champagne from putting 
its name on local vintages. The French note 
with irritation that while the EU last year 
banned “Napa Valley” from appearing on 
the label of any wine that doesn't originate 
in Napa Valley, California, the U.S. forbids 
producers to use 17 geographic label desig- 
nations such as champagne, port and sherry 
only on wines introduced after March 2006. 
As a result, the Champenois say, about half 
the sparkling wines sold here as champagne 
(mostly the cheaper stuff) are mislabeled, 


А reader complained in May that he had 
lost his erection a couple of times with 
new partners, even though he is only 26. 
Tam 28 and have the same problem. I go 
soft or can't get an erection with new part- 
ners and occasionally in a relationship. 
Now if a first date is going well, I secretly 
take a Viagra as we have dessert, I find 
this gives me both the confidence to per- 
form and harder erections. The problem 
is, once we've gone out a few times and І 
stop taking Viagra, my dates often remark 
that my erections are less firm and ques- 
tion why I am not as excited. What do you 
think of using Viagra to overcome first- 
date anxiety and gain harder erections? 
Do you sce any long-term consequences 
of my using the drug at a relatively young 
age?—J.L., Miami, Florida 

This side effect of Viagra and similar pills is 
something you don't read about on the labels: 
They create a standard you can't maintain 
without the drug. A study released last year 
found the more often young men take erectile- 
dysfunction drugs recreationally, the less con- 
fidence they have in their ability to get hard 
without them. If you feel you must pop a pill 
during a first date, perhaps go with a quarter 
or half dose to provide a kick start rather than 
a missile launch. But in the long term you're. 
better off without them. If you have trouble 
with a new partner, explain what's going on: 


a7 


You're anxious about pleasing her, the hand- 
ness of your erection isn't a reliable indica- 
tor of how much a man is enjoying himself, 
no guy stays rock hard from first touch to 
orgasm, and while your thrusting skills are 
first-rate, your real talent is cunnilingus. 


As a lawyer who wears white or blue 
dress shirts with navy or black suits, I 
find ties are my only outlet for color and 
creativity (I have collected more than 
300). It seems the skinny ones popular 
in the 1980s—the ones that make guys 
look like giant insects—are coming back 
T don't want to be out of fashion, but T 
also don't want to buy a bunch of new 
ties. Should I just ride this out and con- 
tinue wearing the classic ties from my 
dloset?—S.B., Tucson, Arizona 

First, we would clean out your closet; 300 
ties is far too many to manage. It's better to own 
fewer that ат of better quality. That said, you 
‘can't so easily dismiss the return of skinny ties, 
because it reflects a trend in men's suits toward 
thinner lapels. However this is a young man's 
game; they are going with skinnier ties because 
they don’t want to look like older lawyers. This 
doesn't mean you look dated or should change 
your style, But even standard ties are getting 
thinner dropping from four inches or three and 
three-fourths inches to three and a half. Picking 
up a few of these ties will help you look current 
without slipping into trendy. 


PLAYBOY 


Ham a 21-year-old woman who loves the 
Advisor There has been some discussion 
about whether a man can “slip” into a 
woman's anus during doggy-style vaginal 
intercourse, A reader in May claimed it 
could not happen easily, but it has hap- 
pened to me three times. The first ti 

my boyfriend slipped up; I was so wet 
I couldn't tell if he meant to do it. The 
second time, I felt he was just being 
lazy, thrusting too hard without focus. 
The third time, І collapsed in agony. I 
explained to him that he wouldn't want 
a foreign object unexpectedly thrust into 
his butt. It hasn't happened since, but 
it took a long time for me to trust him 
again in bed —A.K., Gainesville, Florida 


As a woman, let me speak for the unlu- 
bricated asses and say this can happen. 
“Too many drinks and rapid-fire rear- 
entry sex led to the one and only mishap 
1 feli was going to send me to the emer- 
gency room or the morgue. Prior to that I 
was fairly open to anal. Now that I know 
what it feels like unlubed, full-entry and 
that orifice remains for egress 
„Columbus, Ohio 


] nad a slippage issue. І was drunk at the 

time and thrusting a bit too hard, and it 

went into her ass all the way. Thankfully, 

І was well lubricated from her vagina 

Had she been an anal virgin it might 

have made more of an impression —P! 
Thousand Oaks, California 

Thank you, everyone, for sharing your pen- 

28 etrating—sorry—insights. This is a good time 


10 remind adventurous readers that anal sex, 
while lots of fun, does not occur with the ease 
of entry you see in porn; unlike the vagina, the 
anus has no natural lubrication. “Lots of men 
are going at it and think, Гт just going to 
stick it in,” says Tristan Taormino, author of 
The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women. 
“But it takes preparation; you can't get to 
dick in one night. Start with a finger, have 
an awesome orgasm and build from there.” 
Many people find they are happy to stop at 
the finger, including men, who can be sent to 
new heights with a friendly prostate massage. 
Some men even enjoy being penetrated with 
a butt plug or dildo. Don't worry, you won't 
turn gay. If that's all it took to cross aver, there 
would be millions more homosexuals, 


М, 28-year-old boyfriend talks to his 
mom on the phone daily, sometimes sev- 
eral times a day. She also buys most of his 
clothes (including underwear) and home 
furnishings. I've never before dated a man 
who was this close to his mother. Should I 
be concerned Im involved with a mama's 
boy?—B.H., Denton, Texas 

This is the worst kind of threesome, The rela- 
tionship will continue only as long as you are 
willing to date them both. We would expect a 
тап to be far more independent by this age. 


Û have a set of speakers in oak cabinets. 

The cone on one woofer has a hole. 
Should I have it patched or reconed? The 
cones аге original and have been patched 
once already. I'm afraid reconing with 
newer materials will affect the sound qual- 
ity—D.B., Raleigh, North Carolina 

We understand your devotion, but it's hard 

not to improve on the sound quality of a speaker 
with a hole in it. Reconing isn't expensive; 
expect to pay about $50 a speaker from services 
such as Simply Speakers (simplyspeakers.com, 
800-511-3343). Owner Sean ншы n has seen 
it all during his nearly 20 years of reconing, 
including customers who “fixed” holes with 
tissue paper, tape, nail polish and/or glue. You 
can buy DIY kits for larger studio speakers, 
but balancing the cone and keeping it free of 
dust during the process are challenges best left 
to the pros. You should also inspect the foam 
that holds the cone in place; in many speak- 
ers it starts to crumble after 10 or 15 years, 
causing the cone to fall off-center and creating 
distortion and a lack of bass response at lower 
frequencies. In most cases you can make this fix 
‘yourself on both speakers for less than $30. 


Г have a fabulously hot new girlfriend 
who plans to handcuff me, surround 
me with four laptops playing porn and 
work me until Î explode. But then she 
read in the May column that this is 
known as “fluffing.” Well, she’s a Mon- 
tana ranch chick, and Montana ranch 
chicks don't fluff. I'm terrified she will 
bail on the idea. Please give me another 
term, quick—make one up if you have 
to—D.B., Missoula, Montana 

Your girlfriend isn't a fluffer: she’s a saint. 
Fluffing is an old-school porn term for women 
who worked behind the scenes to get an actor 


hani befor he went on camera. So technically, 
unless your girlfriend gets you erect but leaves 
you to masturbate to climax while watching 
Jour surround-sound porn, she’s not a fluffer. 
She's definitely not a fluffer if she gets off too. 


In May you wrote that the only secure 
method to destroy data on a hard drive is 
incineration or а sledgehammer, but that 
is incorrect. Asan IT pro with 10 years of 
experience, І recommend a method 
called zero fill. Every drive manufacturer 
provides a utility to do this—S.L., St 
Louis, Missouri 

Zero fill will do the trick for most people, 
but it’s not infallible, It wouldn't be cheap or 
fast, but an all-star forensics team could, in 
theory, recover data. That can't be done on 
a drive that no longer exists. Besides, who 
doesn't like to smash and burn stuff? 


V work at Starbucks. A customer comes in 
all the time who used to chat me up, but 
he's too old for me and not that good- 
looking. We have another customer who 
is an exotic supermodel type with perfect 
chocolate skin, about 19 years old, the 
prettiest woman Гус ever seen, І started 
to see them together—happy, affectionate, 
romantic. Now I'm going nuts, wonde 
ing why I was such a jerk to the guy, why 
1 didn't let him ask me out, wishing he 
were my boyfriend instead of the super- 
model's. І don't usually obsess, but I can't 
get him out of my head. What's wrong 
with me?— L.S., Seattle, Washington 

You're human. Because we often take cues 
about the attractiveness of a person based 
om his or her perceived value to others, this 
is bound to happen once in a while. In fact, 
the effect has been directly observed in mice: 
Female mice prefer males who carry the scent of 
another female, ie. he must not be a total laser 
if another female has mated with him. Other 
research suggests couples tend to have the same 
evel of attractiveness; when they don't, we sus- 
ped money or power makes up the difference or 
our judgment is off and we missed something. 
This may explain why so many guys feel the only 
time women are interested in them is when they 
already have a girlfriend or wife, although this 
effect has also been attributed to guys appear- 
ing more confident when they aren't trying 
to get laid. Anyway, the lesson here is to give 
а man a chance even if you aren't instantly 
smitten. The frustrated nice guys who write us 
every month would appreciate it. 


АШ reasonable questions—from fashion, food 
and drink, stereos and sports cars to dating 
dilemmas, taste and etiquette—will be per- 
sonally answered if the writer includes a 
self-addressed, stamped envelope. The most 
interesting, pertinent questions will be pre- 
sented in these pages each month. Write the 
Playboy Advisor, 730 Fifth Avenue, New 
York, New York 10019, or send e-mail by vis- 
iting our website at playboyadvisorcom. Our 
greatesthits ваа Dear Playboy Dear Playboy Advi- 
sor, is available in bookstores and online. 


THE PLAYBOY FORUM 


BY MICKEY EDWARDS 


f the men who wrote the American Constitution 
shocked at what they found. Today, instead of protect- 
ing the people from the government—the system the 
founders designed—the government is increasingly try- 
ing to protect itself from the people 
Consider how things have changed. Two hundred and 
twenty-one years ago, harassed and bullied by their own king 
America’s founders turned the entire concept of government 
upside down. In Europe, indeed in most of the world, mod- 
els of governance were cerily similar: Simply put, there were 
rulers, and there 
were subjects; rulers. 
ruled and subjects 
beyed, even to the 
point of marching 
Il to die in wars in 
which they had no 
interest, no voi 
and no choice. Of 
ill the strange new 
ideas the founders 
proposed, the most 
stunning was their 
determination that 
Americans would be 
citizens, not subjects. 
The change was 
profound because 
rulers tell their sub- 
jects what to do, but 
citizens, at least the- 
oretically, tell their 
government what te 
do. This was "power 
to the people" long before 1960s radicals uttered the word: 
This new system of self-government, in which the self actually 
mattered, was the true basis of American exceptionalism. 
But the whole enterprise—call it the freedom enter- 
prise—rested on adherence to a few fundamental concep 
that are today increasingly ignored or deliberately violated. 
To make such a radical system of self-government work, the 
founders carefully drafted a revolutionary 
would give their new government the necessary authority 


nstitution that 


to act on important public matters but also contained clear 
limits on what it could do—including a partial but specific 
list of citizen rights immune from government intrusi 
and divided the newly granted powers into a multitude 

hands (three branches of the federal government, separate 
independent and equal, and a further division of author- 
ity between the national government and the states, which 
retained considerable portions of their earlier sovereignty 
As for federal decision making, almost every major power 
held by European kings—the decision to go to war, the 


spending power, the taxing power, the judge-onlirmi 
power, the treaty-approving power—was deliberately with- 
held from the office of the president and given to the people 
themselves, to be exercised throu ir representatives 
That was then. Recently that important liberty-protecting 
assignment of authority has been set aside. In one of the 
most notable illustrations, White House press secretary Dana 
Perino attempted in March to dismiss claims that the Bush 
administration was ignoring the American people's sentiments 
about the war in Iraq by arguing that the people do have a 
chance to be heard—every four years. In other words, once 
elected, a president 
is free to do as he or 
she will. Perino was 
wrong, of course 
(the people speak 
not only every two 
years in congres- 
sional elections but 
every day, through 
their elected rep: 
resentatives), but 
this attitude (sup: 
ported for the first 
six years of Bush's 
presidency by con- 
ssional Repu 
licans) has led to 
the at threat to 
the very nature of 
American govern- 
ment posed by the 
current president 
How has this ad- 
ministration under- 
еп to protect the government from the people? By 
claiming that the executive branch—which includes not only 
the White House but all federal bureaus, agencies and depart- 
ments—is largely immune from direction by the people's Con- 
gress and not answerable to it. Here are three examples: 
Constitutional scholars have responded with alarm tc 
President Bush's use of “signing statements” to declare 
his right to decide whether or not he will obey the law, a 
practice both the American Bar Association and the non- 
partisan Constitution Project have cond 
stitutional. The t 
by disreg 


ned as uncon- 
al to our constitutional system is that 
ing the law and proclaiming himself the sole 
decider in a “unitary” executive branch, Bush has declared 
that Congress cannot tell any federal agency what to do, 
even Congress creates federal programs and ар 
priates money to run them. A Government Accountal 
Office study found agencies were in fact defying the law in 
a potentially large number of cases, 


The second example came in 2006 after the administration 


fired а number of US. attorneys. Empow- 
cred to determine whether laws had been 
broken or new laws were needed, Con- 
ss last year asked Harriet Miers, the 
president's former legal counsel, and Josh 
Bolten, his chief of staff, to testify before 
the House Judiciary Committee. They 
refused. They were then subpoenaed іс 


testify. They refused to obey the subpoena 
and were cited for contempt of Congress 
The attorney general declared that the 
Justice Department (part of th 


unitary 
executive”) would not enforce Congress's 
The White Hous: 
claimed Miers and Bolten were immune 


contempt citation 
1 


from questioning by the people (for that's 


what Congress is) on the grounds of "exec- 


utive privilege,” a legal tenet that applies 
only when the president is involved in the 
conversation: Miers, Bolten and the presi- 
dent himself all said he was not 

The third example flows from the gov- 
ernment’s gathering of confidential infor- 
mation—telephone conversations and 
records, online viewing habits, etc.—from 
citizens and noncitizens alike, as part of 
the administration’s Homeland Security 
program. It obtained this information by 
demanding that corporate executives turn 
over their Customers’ private records, in 
Violation of privacy and other laws. When 
news of the government's actions leaked 
the companies were faced with the pos- 
sibility that their c 
them, and the administration feared the 
companies might thereafter refuse to cave 


to government threats. In response, the 
administration insisted that € 
grant retroactive “immunity” from law- 
suits to the companies that had complied 
with the illegal demands. On the face of 
immunity for private 
companies. In fact, however, granting 
h protection would in effect give carte 
blanche to the government to continue 
to make such demands without the com- 
panies’ facing any consequences, thereby 
protecting the government from the risk 
that its demands would be refused. 

In a short time Americans will go t 
the polls to select a new president. It is 
essential that all the candidates—Demo- 
crat, Republican, Green and Libertarian 
but especially John McCain as the nomi- 
nee of President Bush's party—be asked 
forthrightly whether they believe gov- 
ernment should be protected from the 
people or, as the founders intended, th 
people І 


ngress 


it, this was to 


зе protected from an overzeal- 
vernment. That is the single most 
important question facing the nation as 
we move further into the 21st century. 


Mickey Edwards, the author of Reclaiming 
Con rmer eight-term Ref 
lican om Ok 


rvatisn 


'ongressm 


By Di 


ur national mythology cel- 
ebrates the freedom of 19th 
century Americans. Did Amer- 


icans then enjoy more freedom than 
we do today? It’s a complex question. 
Then, most Americans carned their 
living through agriculture. Owning 
land was a sign of a man's freedom 
and dignity, and land ownership was 
more widespread in the United States 
than in most other countries. Fron- 
t a free 
homestead and select its site on the 
public domain, but if they wanted to 
locate near a river or railroad so they 
Id market their crops, they pr 
ably had to pay for their farm. Ame 
n farmers were free of the feudal 
dues to local lords and the tithes to 
an established church that many of 
their European counterparts paid 
They felt free and took pride in the 
freedom, but theirs was a freedom to 
work hard. 5 
hedonistic. Life was dirty, laborious 
and uncomfortable. 

Before the Civil War full freedom 
was for white men only. African 
Americans could be held in slavery 

nd treated as property: bought, sold 


tiersmen could sometimes 


iety was not relaxes 


rented, bequeathed, mortgaged and 
insured like any other property. The 
minority of free black people enjoyed 
only limited liberty, seldom being 


niel Howe 


allowed to vote. Few colleges admit- 
ted women, and no state allowed 
them to vote until after the Civil War 
The man was the head of the house- 
hold. His wife was expected to subor- 
dinate her wishes to his; if she earned 
money, it belonged to him 

If freedom from taxes is a form of 
nal freedom, then the absence of 
income tax and sales tax must weigh in 
favor of 19th century liberty. Having 
less revenue, the federal government 
Businesses, 


was much less intrusive. 
for example, did not have to comply 
with regulations on working condi- 
tions, discrimination in hiring or the 
quality of their products. This left 
employers with more liberty, On the 
other hand, employces had less liberty 
to join labor unions, which were illegal 
in most states, and had little recourse 
if they were hurt on the јон 
Technological innovation has 
enhanced the quality of our lives and 
in particular our personal freedom. 
Developments in communications, 
beginning with the electric telegraph 
and cheap newspapers and culminat- 
ing in the Internet, have freed us from 
the limitations of time and space. They 
foster knowledge of the wider world 
and broaden our horizons. They 
provide political information and 
encourage democratic participation. 


Improved transportation enhances our 
freedom to travel—to vacation in distant 
More important 
it broadens our freedom to work, since 


destinations, for example 


we can choose jobs farther away from our 
homes, Visiting the United States in 18 
a French engineer named Michel Chevalie 


said the freedom to travel is essential to e 


nomic opportunity in a democracy 
Most important of all, economic devel- 
opment has created many different kinds 
of jobs. Think how many of us are now 
employed in some aspect of 
making or using computers. No L 
longer dependent on agricul- 
ture, we are freer to match our 
occupation with our talents and 
interests, Since we work shorter 
hours, we enjoy more free tim 
Certainly we are all much freer 
to express our sexuality today 
than people were in the 19th 
century, especially if they were 
gay. No longer do laws against 
nation prevent us from 


marrying people of another race. Not only 
are we freer to marry, we are much freer to 


dissolve our marriages. A divorce no longer 
requires a special act of the state legislature 
\ major factor limiting liberty in 


lum America was mob violence 


ntebel- 


now Americans legally enjoyed complete 
freedom of religion and exercised it by 
joining a multitude of different churches; 
however, this fi 
tailed by mobs that attacked believers in 
unpopular religions such as M 
and Catholicism. Mobs also at 

ular ethnic groups like Native America 
Trish Ameri nd Afric ns. (All 
too often the latter two groups also fought 
each other.) Finally, mobs attacked people 
ша! Жу those whe 
wanted to abolish slavery or 
those they suspected of crimes 
Asa result, legal liberties, includ- 
ing free speech and the right t 
a fair trial, were severely com 


dom was sometimes cur 


з Americ 


with un »inions, ne 


promised by mobs the authori- 
ties either lacked the means or 
the will to control. When police 
forces finally formed, starting 
» in 1838, they меге 
created more 


in Bost 


as а way to ce 


trol mobs than to fight crimes 
by individuals. Surprising as it 
ер 


liberty of the citizenry 


nents fostered the 


y seem, police 
All in all I think we are much freer today 


Daniel Howe won a 


2008 Pulitzer Prize 


WHAT HATH GOD WROU 


How do communications advances 
In our time compare with changes wrought by 
the telegraph? 

The Internet Is for our generation what 
the electric telegraph was for the 19th century 
a revolution in communications. Thelrs was ac: 
tually unprecedented and more drastic than 
ours. The telegraph probably lowered the cost of 
business transactions even mote than the Inter- 
net does, and it certainly seemed to 
contemporaries ап even more dra 
matic innovation. For thousands of 
years messages had been limited by 
the speed with which messengers 
could travel and the distance eyes 
could see signals like flags or smoke. 
Neither Alexander the Great nor 
Benjamin Franklin, America's first 
postmaster general, knew anything 
faster than a galloping horse. With 
the telegraph, instant long-distance communi 
cation became possible for the first time. Com 
mercial application of Samuel Morse's Invention 
followed quickly. American farmers and plant- 
ers—most Americans then eamed their living 
through agriculture—increasingly produced food 
and fiber for far-off markets. Their merchants 
and bankers welcomed the chance to get news 
of distant prices and credit. The electric tele 
graph solved commercial problems and at the 
same time had huge political consequences, 
The telegraph—along with improvements in 
printing—led to the enormous growth of news- 


= 


IT: A Q&A WITH DANIEL HOWE 


papers, which in tum facilitated the develop- 
ment of mass political parties. The telegraph 
had many of the same effects in the 19th cen- 
tury that the Internet Is having today: speeding 
up and enabling commerce, decoupling commu 
nication from travel, fostering globalization and 
encouraging democratic participation. The czar 
of Russia Worried about the democratic implica: 
tions of the telegraph just as the rulers of China 

worry today about the Internet. 

What was the most sur- 
prising thing you learned while 
working on this project? 

Before І wrote this book І had 
never really grasped how often іт. 
provements in material terms fos- 
Тегей improvements in moral terms. 
This surprised me, but it was well 
understood by the people of the 
antebellum era. Those who encour- 
aged economic diversification and development 
in many cases also supported more humane 
laws, wider access to education, a halt to the 
expansion of slavery and even, sometimes, 
greater equality for women. The two heroes of 
my story, John Quincy Adams and Abraham 
Lincoln, both illustrate this. The economic de 
velopment they wanted to promote empow. 
ered the average person in all kinds of ways. 
In today's third world, improvements in living 
standards should similarly encourage democ 
racy, the rule of law and respect for human 
rights, especially the rights of women. 


FROM A PLEDGE 
by Belgian activist Tania 
Derveaux to have sex 
with any virgin who tangi- 
bly helps defend Net neutrality: “I'm 
using sex in a positive way to spread 
awareness, The reason why only virgins 
сап apply Is... don't want to make this 
promise to such a large amount of 
people that Ill have to turn some down. 
Net neutrality is paramount to safeguard 
free speech and innovation on the 
Internet. With only 
one arguably negative 
side effect: An un: 
usual amount of. 
today's Internet users. 
are virgin. That's a 
problem Г intend. 

to solve. In history, б 
тап has always 

waged wat for free 

dom, Now it's time 

to obtain our free S 
dom with love. Sex 

is all over the Net, and yet It's stil a big 
taboo for many. Using sex to spread 
awareness will be yet another big step 
to sexual freedom. This Is Just another 
great example of what's possible thanks 
To Net neutrality. 


FROM AN EXPLANATION 
by Jewelry supplier Michael Toback 
concerning the phenomenon of new 
mothers asking their husbands for 
gifts, or “push presents,” for giving 
birth, from the New York Times article 
“A Bundle of Joy Isn't Enough?"; “You 
know, "Honey, you wanted this child 
as much as І did. So І want this."" 


FROM AN INTERVIEW 
оп Salon.com with philosopher 

Ken Wilber, here answering questions 
on the conflict between science and 
religion: “Science has pretty 
thoroughly dismantled the mythic 
religions, But virtually all the great 
religions themselves recognize the 
difference between ‘exoteric,’ or 
outer religion, and ‘esoteric,’ or inner 
religion. Inner religion tends to be 
‘more contemplative and mystical and 
experiential and less cognitive and 
conceptual, Science is actually 
sympathetic with the contemplative 
traditions in terms of its methodology. 


FROM A CLARIFICATION 
by Sol Olving, head of an association 
of Norway's top advertising agencies, 
on the spirit of a Scandinavian ban on 
sexual 
images in 
advertising: 
laked peo 
ple are won- 
derful, of 
course, but 
they have 
to be rele- 
vant to the product. You could have a 
naked person advertising shower gel 
ога cream but not a woman in a bikini 
draped actoss a car, We're not that 
puritan that you can’t have naked 
bodies, But it has to be done in the 
right way, with charm and passion, 
(continued on page 43) 


READER RESPONSE 


LIBERAL BAITING 

Is Eric Alterman's article ("Why We 
Loathe Liberals”) in the May 2008 
Forum supposed to constitute mean- 
ingful political discourse? I couldn't 
tell. One thing that annoys me is the 
nanner—the all-pervasive sarcasm: 
the insultin 
in which he belittles those who may 


venomous language— 


disagree with him before they can 


even respond to his charges. Another 
annoyance is the way Alterm: 


1 seems 
to be simply ranting to like-minded 
individuals who already agree with 
his thesis. I am extraordinarily disa 
pointed with rLAvaov's lapse of jour- 
nalistic integrity in publishing such 


irresponsible work 
Geoffrey Colman 
Manhattan Beach, Califor 


I applaud you for the May Forum 
especially the essay by Eric Alterman 
Although I was grinding my teeth as 
I began the 
smile and a chuckle 


article, I ended it with a 
It is also refresh- 


Liberals: Who needs them? 
ing to see libertarian ideals being 
introduced to the mainstream, in Rob- 
ert Levine's “The Grand Old (Inde- 
pendent) Party.” Lam proud to have 
this month's issue on my coffee table 
Shawn Frewerd 
Abrams, Wisconsin 


LIVE FREE OR DIE 

Kudos to Hef and pLavaor for giv- 
ing space to the Libertarian Party. In 
a world where the media hate us—I 
don't know why; 1 think we make 
sense—Hef has the balls to shed 
some light on our party. But then he 
has always had big balls in the way 
he has a weed up the ass of conven- 
tion and the status quo. Our party 
like Het 
are leaders in a world of followers 
Most people think we are a bunch 


has many members who 


Another 
crackpots and idiots, but then char- 
acter assassination is encouraged by 
the Republocrats. Could they be wor- 


ried the American public may have 
enough sense to listen 10 us? The old 
arty system has devolved into 


upt, bloated waste of t 


payer 
ne an insult to the 
tion. І 
erits 


money and Бесс 
collective intelligence 


could go on and on 


all freethinki 
themselves. I have been a member for 
ad І refuse to 
up or compromise my ideals in the 
face of yet another ridiculous elec- 
tion, Visit Ip. all S00-ELECT-US 
and draw your own conclusions. Who 
knows? You just may learn something 


І know I did 


some 15 years, a 


Byron Reeves 
Keithville, Louisiana 


BLACK AND WHITE AND RED ALL OVER 


I love Susan Jacoby's editorial 
regarding this country's lack of read- 
ers (“Zero-Narrative Nation,” Apr 
A friend of mine owns a small boc 


ks in Kan- 
p's logo is 


named Prospero's Be 
Missouri. The sh 
d READ on a static-filled TV 
screen, and one of its mottoes is a 
quote from Joseph Brodsky: "There 

e worse crimes than burning books. 
One of them is 
Last year, dismay 


store 


sas City 
the w 


reading them 
1 that he was unable 
s he no longer had 


10 give away bo 
room for (many were best-sellers) and 
to call attention to the scarcity of read- 
ers in the United States, the owner 
held a book burning that made inter- 
national headlines. 


Jeffrey Fuller 
Portland, Oregon 


Jacoby expresses everything I've 
fe: 
what we're losi 


ed about the computer age and 
because of it—with 


yur consent, it seems. І encounter 
ple all the time who, when asked if 
they've read a certain book or heard of 


certain authors, respond with strange, 
puzzled looks. It’s apparent that books 
ad that, like our 
proudly uninformed president, many 
Amer 
tion in tin 
through 
results—and т 


are becoming passé 


ns prefer to get their informa- 


bites rather than obtain it 


ethods that achieve last 


aybe result in knowl- 
rack open a book, 
you mi 


edge as well. Dont 
for God's sake; 
thing new. To quote in part from your 
aks to the 

society we live in we m 


ht learn some- 


last line, t inst 


“info 


be heading 
toward having “no culture at all.” 
Ron Thuemler 


Tampa, Florida 


I'm writing to commiserate with 
coby. Every time I c 
ne in the workplace I am reminded of 
ave failed to prop- 


counter some- 


just how much we 
erly educate United States citizens in 
the fundamentals of communication 


New forms of “literacy” leave us vulnerable, 


reading, writing, speaking and listen- 
ing. The time is long overdue for us to 
get back to the basics of a fully func- 
tional education system 
Joe Bialek 
Cleveland, Ohio 


љу hits the nail on the head. I've 
s felt our entering the computer 
age was both a blessing and a cui By 
the way, Га have e-mailed you this let- 
ter, but I don't have a computer 

ll Tglcharı 

Plantation, Florida 


Ja 


alwa 


E-mail via the web at letters.playboy.com. Or 
write: 730 Fifth Avenve, New York, NY 10019. 


Trash Talking 


LONDON—The British Olympic Asso- 
n it: 
British athletes will hav 
contract promising not tc 
n any politically sensitive 
according to a spokesman 
dy. Violators will be barred 
and sent home. Critic 
parallels to a 1938 soc- 
er match before which the English 
national team j to line up and 
perform a Nazi salute at the Berlin 
Aympic Stadium. “The British Olym- 
pic Association's squalid attempt to 
uppress legitimate criticism of the 
hinese regime by British athletes i 
a timely wake-up call for all of us whe 
thought s up to dictators was 
sad left behind in the 
David Mellor, a cc 
umnist for the U.K Mai 
Am I Shot or Not? lots from several of her supporter 
LOS ANGELES-A private company has set up an розеіу not delivered in time for the 
online forum to assess the quality of police 
havior. The website's mission statement reads, Pom-Pom Bomb 
ior to the launch of Ratemy MUMBAL-To increase the entertainment at 
had по way to provide ricket matches in the top-level Indian Pre 
who are being paid by tax dollars. It is the hope mier League, promoters have brought in 
of the site's founders that citizens and depart- cheerleaders, including some from the Wash. 
ments alike will use this powerful tool as a way ington Redskins pep squad. Although тап 
of monitoring police performance." Founder Gino groups, including Bollywood and the National 
Sesto requested names and badge numbers of Commission for Women, support the league 
nonundercover police from across the country the junior interior minister of the state of Ma- 
and compiled the publicly available data on the harashtra (of 
ite, whete users can rate their expetience: hich Mumbai 
with individual officers. Despite such high-profile is the capital) 
incidents as the shooting by NYPD officers of un 7% has called the 
armed Sean Bell on his wedding day and the = heerleader 
urfacing of a video of Philadelphia cops kicking Mb b We 
and beating suspects, police groups have com- 56) ive in India 
plained the forum allows the public to unfairl where woman- 
malign officers. Now the site is having trouble hood 
finding web-hosting service ay 
be allowe 
Here, There and Underwear fine c 


ARLINGTON, OREGON—Carmen Kontur-Gronquist, 
the former mayor of this tiny Columbia Ri 
town, has filed a lawsuit alleging fraud in the 
recall vote that ousted her eatlier this ye 
referendum was triggered by complaints 


bra-and-pantie shots the 42 ld sir 
mayor poste self on her MySp 

in an effort to imp her social lif 

photos have nothing to do with my 

mayor," Kontur-Gronquist said at the tim 
the complaints. She narrowly lost th 


s that mail-in bal- 


Poll Tax 


produc 


y such fraud a 
any time in its his 


contains no evi 
occurring in Indi 


(continued from page 41) 


FROM AN EDITORIAL on 
E mes 
iiS 
"new morality’ haven't just intensified, 
Бара З ine: 
ee 
: Bgm: 
«9 | a 
ue 
ы Le. 
of gerous onslaught 
me 
SEIS 
vehe 
EN >> o 
Aes 
eee m 
Be 
nl cn 
gc Regent heme 
WP ара аа 
ipee діні ле 
er 
аа анна 
er) 
ee 
аа E 
ne 
ee E 
ar 
r a 
ee 
ee 
 memoration of the day—will be bullying. 
аа нана аа, 
ыша саны 


FROM AN ESSAY by Gary Younge 
on Hillary Clinton's cynical use of race 
politics in her campaign, published 

in The Guardian: “Assuming that 
African Americans could not possibly 
work out that white supremacy was 
not In their interests by themselves, 
their detractors routinely accused 

them of acting under influences both 
foreign and malign. The FBI wasted 
millions of dollars and hours trying in 
vain to prove that 

Martin Luther King 
was a communist. 

For those who would 
not know their place 
and were not assassi- 
nated, the pun. 
ishment was 
often the revo. 
cation of what 
ever rights of 
citizenship they 
had. Already denied the vote, freedom 
of movement and association, Paul 
Robeson was refused a passport in 
1950 and confined to the U.S, When 
his lawyers asked why, they were told 
that ‘his frequent criticism of the treat- 
ment of blacks in the United States 
should not be aired in foreign countries." 
In 1963 the intellectual and activist 
W.E.B. DuBois was similarly grounded 
without passport privileges and so 
‘moved to the recently liberated Ghana.” 


uno wein BEN STILLER 


A candid conversation with Hollywood's comic power player about the 
pressures of being funny, growing up in showbiz ie fe perks of success 


Its no surprise that Tropic Thunder is one of Museum grossed $574 million. There's Some- When I met Ben for this interview he was 
the summer's most eagerly anticipated movies t Mary pulled in a nifty $370 mil- in his kitchen, stretching his li 
What other film offers Tom Cruise as a bald, Stiller, 42, is also one of the most reliable look at the orthodontic mayhem 
shi, ruthless studio executive and comedy сот ed earlier in the day. His dentist, it 
Rüben Batiney far on African American; Inmupernur mo ul open Ben's lip during a procedure 
plus Matthew McConaughey, Jack Black, ана br т extra creative twist to the — that involved shoving a peg into his gum to 
Nick Nolte and, by the way, very f it. stick a tooth on it after the one that used to be 
unless you count a bunch of men in drag? Stiller, whose parents an 


cameos 


deos and sitcoms 


omen talk-show ci 


the famous comedy ете mysteriously fell out. 

d "asked if he had been given painkillers, 
at his par- and Ben responded, You know I can't take 
de Super 8 them.” He reminded me of an evening years 
Amy Stiller, and аво when in the name of research for a film 
debut when he about an L.A. dope fiend—that would be 
мезі on one of his mother’s TV me— Ben consumed a slightly heartier than 
y) role recommended dose of Vicodin and puked all 
About Mary launched over Vermont Avenue and my boots. 


Nor is it surprising that the movie's director — team Stiller and Meara, was born and va 
and star is Ben Stiller, the bent comic mind іп New York Ci 
behind some memorable hit comedies, from — ents TV shows. Gr 
Zoolander to Meet the Parents to Dodgeball. films with h 
What is unusual is Stiller's ascension lo the made his prof 
top ranks of Hollywood po 

the screen (where he's a top 
behind the camera (as director and ч 


and 


т players—on was nine, as a 
aw), series. Hi 


miter) іт There's Sometho 


-office di 


and as a producer who owns a thriving pro- him to stardom Since then Гое been best man at his wed- 


duction company and not only puts together — He has dated Jeanne Tripplehorn, Janeane and he has driven me home after a her 
his own films but also invests his money and Garofalo and Amanda Peel, and married operation. 10% that kind of friendship. 
talents in movies involving other actors. No — actress Christ th whom he has Some of this interview was conducted in his 
wonder Ni А named him the third-most- since appeared in Zoolander and Dodgeball— house, but some took place as Ben test-drowe an 
powerful actor in Hollywood after Will Smith in 2000. The couple, who live in the Holly- Audi R-8 around the hairpin curves near his 
and Johnny Depp. wood Hills, have two children. home, Not only was he able to answer questions 
Of course, even Newsweek admits Stiller's PLAYBOY caught up with Stiller soon after calmly, he got us back to his house in one piece 


prominence on its power list was “the bi 
surprise of all." Comedians rarely 
kind of respect in the entertainment ind 
In show business it pays to look at the bot- 
tom line: His Meet the Parents movies took 
in $847 million worldwide 1 at the Permanent Мі 


Tiopie Thu 
perspective 


ler was completed. To get a fresh Even though Ben barely dodged a couple of 
lapped Jerry Stahl, а con pedestrians, he never dodged a question.” 

has not only worke 
ut actually been por PLAYBOY: Tug Speedman, the character 
him in ап adaptation of Stahl’s book you play in Tropic Thunder, is a movie star 
а. Here's his report: whose dream is to break away from the 


і 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY MIZUNO 


uld rather dwell on somebody else's 
оет than look at their own. Do I want to 
a copy of U.S. News & World Report 
are. Nobody’s analyzing your b Us Weekly? If Im in a checkout line, 
se nobody cares Til take the one with the big pictures.” 45 


Tm not a great anditioner 1 freeze. For me it's 
very tough to go into a room full of strangers 
1 remember І really boned the audition for the 
Ralph Macchio role in My Cousin Vinny. І 
had а few callbacks, but 1 ble 


eat part about 


е people assess 


PLAYBOY 


kind of role that made him famous. Is the 
movie autobiographical? 

STILLER: Tug's an action hero. As an 
actor he's forced to do the same movie 
called Simple Jack over and over again. 
T wouldn't say that was accidental. And 
he's so committed to his character. 
slightly delusional. He thinks he’s always 
in a movie 

PLAYBOY: Is that a familiar feel 
STILLER: Look at the 
with over the years. When you see some 
characters, you go, “This is a Jimmy 
Stewart role.” If it's comedy, “Okay, І see 
Steve Martin doing this.” Lam in no way 
saying I'm on their level, but if people see 


ng for you? 
tors you connect 


any quote-unquote movie star in а cer 
role over and over, they have a prec 
ceived idea, Baggage develops 
PLAYBOY: At this point are youin i 
a position to choose the types of 
roles you'd like to do? 
STILLER: Creative freedom comes 
with success in this business, 
but the more success you have 
the more pressure you have to 
do what made you successful 
the first place. But as І said, 
the future I don't see myself 
doing the kinds of movies we've 
been talking about 

PLAYBOY: So in a way you аге 
bit like Tug. 

STILLER: Yes. That can happen at 
a certain level of celebrity. What 
makes it—hopefully—comediic is 
the way he ends up a prisoner of 
his own image. He gets captured 


in the Golden Triangle by 
remote tribe of heroin traffickers 
who force him at gunpoint to 


reenact scenes from Simple 
in which he played a meritally 
impaired farmhand who can talk 
to animals, This was his big, ser 
ous movie—his Oscar bid. It is 
being universally ridiculed 
except in this tiny jungle com- 
pound where they love it so 
much they make him perform it 
al gunpoint on a sort of Gillig 
Island stage five times a day. It's 
the only movie they ve ever see 
so he's kind of worshipped and 
humiliated at the same time 
PLAYBOY: You've had your share of humil- 
iation in movies. You have your face 
rubbed in fat-guy sweat in Along Came 
Polly, hit by Mickey Rooney in 
Night at the Museum, and you suffer sticky 
indignity in There's Something About Mary 
You are physically or verbally tormented 
in Dodgeball, Zoolander and pretty much 
all your movies right up to this new one 
Do we detect a theme? 

STILLER: It's obviously a through line that 
people pick up on, but it’s not somethin 
I seek out. For Polly I wasn't pounding 
the table, saying, "Find me a script where 
my face is smeared into a sweaty guy! 
PLAYBOY: Is there a line of humiliation 
and abuse you won't cross? 


you're 


time. | ha 


said to me 


STILLER: There are things I refuse to do. 
I think I'd draw the line at porn, but no 
one has asked. 
PLAYBOY: Do vou r 
you've had? 
STILLER: I'm not going to lie. It’s worth 
getting a little beat-down from Mickey 
Rooney to hear his stories. One day, out 
of nowhere, he told me that when he was 
making Captains Courageous at MGM, he 
drove the first Lincoln Continental ever 
manufactured right onto the set. Another 
time he actually told me he gave Walt 
Disney the name Mickey M Dis- 
ney wanted 10 call the mouse Mortimer 
Mickey told him Mickey w 
PLAYBOY: When you si 
fantasize about—d 


gret the types of roles 


rted out, did you 


e we say—being as 


I'm not Mi 
ve my 


Be funny 


mous as Mickey Rooney 
STILLER: Are you kidding? When I was 
starting out all I thought about was, How 
m I going to get work? I auditioned for 
three or four years before I got a job. 
Once you start to get work, you just want 
to figure out a way Lo keep working 

PLAYBOY: So there was n. 
STILLER: I admire actors who have a plan. 
I wasn't one of them. Looking back 
the great part about starting out is, you 
don't have people assessing who or what 
you are. Nobody's analyzing your work, 
because nobody cares. There's Something 
About Mary was my first box-office suc- 
cess. [remember people calling up and 

ying, “I knew it was going to happen. 

Suddenly I was some sort of quantifiable 


master plan? 


actor who could determine whether or 

not a movie got made 

PLAYBOY: So that wasn't your goal, to be a 

bankable star? 

Before that I was happy acting 
just doing stuff. Suddenly 

thing called a track record 

ap. You have this awareness 

w, that was a success, Now they 


expect the next one to be a success, But 
maybe it'll be a onetime thing.... I never 
thought about any of this before. That's 
the trap: You start to care too much. It's 
like, now you're in the penthouse, but 
there's a trapdoor, You start to miss the 
days when you were starting out, when 
you were thrilled to get a callback. 

PLAYBOY: You were born into a show- 
Weren't you 


business family. 
just kind of in? 
STILLER: God, no. In fact, that's 
where the idea of Tropie Thun- 
der came from. Around 1085 
all these Vietnam war movies 
I never got 
I even met 


were being made 
any of the roles 
with Oliver Stone. Nothing. I 
aber the guys who got 
those parts were always doing 
interviews about going off to 
hoot camp for two weeks, how 
it was the toughest experi- 
ence of their lives. They had 
to camp out, shoot guns, eat € 
all of that. There was 
something so ironic and funny 
about actors talking about 
how hard it was to go off to 
boot camp for two weeks for 
а movie about a war when it 
obviously had nothing to do 
with the real experience of 
war. It might have been my 
own bitterness about not get- 
ting parts in these movies, but 
I did think there was the seed 
of something in the irony of 
aking themselves 100 
Maybe this movie is 
my revenge 
PLAYBOY: Tropic Thunder is about 
actors in a war movie who 
volved in an actual 
war. To prepare your actors, 
did you send them to boot camp? 
STILLER: We were going to have a three- 
day boot camp with Dale Dye, the boot- 
camp legend. Then three days became 
two days. Then it became 
Finally Stuart Cornfeld, my pr 
ing partner, came over and said, 
here's the deal: We can do either the 
one-day hoot camp or a cast dinner.” I 
said, “Fuck it, let's do the cast dinner 
PLAYBOY: So this movie is bitter because you 
never got any Vietnam war movie roles? 
STILLER: Busted 
PLAYBOY: Why didn't you get any of the 
roles you tried out for? 
STILLER: I'm not a great auditioner. І 
freeze. For me it’s very tough to go into 
а room full of strangers. І remember І 


reme 


rations, 


actors 
seriously 


become 


hours. 


really boned the audition fe 
Macchio role in My Cousin Vinny. І had a 
few callbacks, but I blew it. That's why 
I'm always amazed when I see actors 
come into a room and relax. When Owen 
Wilson auditioned for The Cable Guy, he 
was unique. He wasn't polished, but he 
was laid-back. He didn't push. I didn't 
think he nailed the audition, but Judd 
Apatow, who produced the film, said 


the Ralph 


"No, we've got to go with this guy. He's 
funny” He got it right away. Then I went 
to see Owen's first movie, Bottle Rocket, 
and I laughed literally from the minute 
he came on-screen until the end of the 
movie. І got hi 

PLAYBOY: Y 
friends, It must have been difficult when 


‘ou and Wilson became close 


you heard he was hospitalized last year 
because of a reported suicide attempt. 
STILLER: I love Owen, and I felt bad 
that he had to deal with all the outside 
bullshit. It's impossible to undersi 
that kind of pain—depression or any- 
thing like that—until you're in it 
PLAYBOY: Is it harder to deal with when 
you're a public figure and your personal 
problems are fodder for gossip and 
entertainment news? 

STILLER: [t's completely unnatural for 
people to lead public lives. It has gotten 
kind of crazy 

PLAYBOY: Why are people so fascinated? 
STILLER: People would rather dwell on 
somebody else's problems than look 
ıt their own. Or they'd rather look at 
somebody else's problems than at what 
the rest of humanity is going through. 
Do I want to pick up a copy of U.S 
News & World Report or grab Us Weekly? 
If I'm in a checkout line, ГІІ take the 
one with the big pictures 

PLAYBOY: It’s a cliché that many comedians 
and comic actors have a dark, despairing 
side. Is that true or exaggerated? 
STILLER: I once made a joke to a reporter 
about manic depression running in my 
family. The reporter didn't know it was 
a joke. I picked up the paper and read 
it. That was when І realized irony doesn't 
read well. From then 
every article written about me 

PLAYBOY: Is it a fabrication? 

STILLER: Totally. I'm not Mister Funny 
Guy all the time. I have my moods. I 
can also be ridiculous. Everybody's a 
different person with different people 
But I said it as a joke 

PLAYBOY: Do people expect you to be 
funny all the time? 

STILLER: If somebody said to me, “Be funny 

I couldn't. І don't know how to do that 
PLAYBOY: What about at home 
up? Your parents were comedians. Were 


а, it has been in 


growing 


there a lot of laughs around the house? 
STILLER: Their comedy was born of neces- 
sity. They were both serious actors but 


weren't working. They needed money 
so they started this act. My dad always 
wanted to be a stand-up, but my mom 
didn't. Stiller and Meara was their last 
shot. If the act didn't work, my dad was 


he Ben Stiller Show di 


yt lost a year 


n Fox but wa: 


th і к rth through DVD. 


From it 


and he's running out of onediner 


ality Bites 


here's Something About Mary i 
eminal gr 


ght thi: 
ill Ferrell his E 


eet the Parents, Robert De Ni 
Tumed 


illion) casts h th 


k ball 


3s the 


itgeist—unle 
reating a great 


the world. Need 
The 


haracter he 


described on 
out 
er would have 


Brett Favre 


fort 


est male m 


3s a prospective fatherin. 


is planned. Finaly, we will 


going te of the business and mar- 
ket his special chicken gai yu 
PLAYBOY: Chicken gai yung 
STILLER: | recently lcarned this. They 
were living in Washington Heights, and 
he found a Thai chicken recipe he had 
big plans for. If their act hadn't taken 
off, it would have been Suller and 
Meara Chicken Wings. 

PLAYBOY: You must h 
they stayed in show business instead 
STILLER: | can tell you was not fun 
watching them on The Ed Sullivan Show 
PLAYBOY: Why? Did they lx 


ve been relieved 


nb? 
STILLER: No, no! It was stressful. Ed Sul- 


Idol. It was the 
one show everyb hed. Ed had 
to like you so you could get invited 
back. My parents were on 30 times. 
But even when I was really young І 
was afraid they would screw up. Secing 
them perform in nightclubs or watching 
them on TV 
a low-grade tension. 17% probably why 


livan was like Americas 


home, there was always 


Ive 


ever enjoyed live performing. I've 
never done stand-up. I associate it with 
tremendous pressure 

PLAYBOY: Did you inherit your parents 
sense of humor? 

STILLER: Actually, I've always liked to 
laugh at people more than make people 
laugh. I guess they did give me certain 
comedy values. Like my mother couldn't 


stand the Three Stooges, so that made 
me biased against them 

PLAYBOY: Who did you like? 

STILLER: My mother and І liked Abbott and 
Costello. Their movies came on WPIX 
in New York on Sunday mornings. My 
favorite was The Time of Their Lives: they 
played Revolutionary War ghosts. 
PLAYBOY: Did you spend a lot of time 
with your father? What did you learn 
from him? 

STILLER: Sure, and he was great. After liv- 
ing through the Depression, my father 
thought being funny was very important, 
something he really enjoyed 

PLAYBOY: What about the downside? 
STILLER: He was not so good with pets. I 
have had a very spotty history with dog 
training, which I trace directly to my father 
Now that I think of it, it's horrible, But 1 
don't know if should talk about it 
PLAYBOY: What happened? 

STILLER: Okay. When we were kids, my sis- 
ter and I decided we wanted a dog, so my 
mom took us to get a rescue. We saw this 
dog in a window at the Bide-A-Wee home. 
Her name was Sugar. We took her back 
to our apartment on Riverside Drive. She 
was part collie, part shepherd, really sweet 
But she was not housc-traincd, which my 
dad was not happy about, My sister and 
1 said we'd take care of her. Naturally my 
father ended up being the one who had to 


48 


PLAYBOY 


50 


do everything, including housc-training. 
One day he brought in this trainer. I don't 
remember his name, but he had a Vandyke 
and American cheese. 

PLAYBOY. A Vandyke and American cheese? 
STILLER: Yes. I went downstairs to watch the 
work, He would stand in front of the 
dog and hold up the American cheese to 
gether to sit. And he had what to me was a 
very inhumane method of house-training 
the dog, It involved suppositories. 
PLAYBOY: Suppositor 
STILLER: І don't want to get into it 
PLAYBOY: You think you can just march out 
dog suppositories with no explanation? 
STILLER: Look, this was 30 years ago. І don't 
think the practice is widely accepted. It's 
probably the most politically incorrect 
training method in history. The supposito- 
ries were supposed to stimulate the dog, 
PLAYBOY: То do what? 

STILLER: To go to the bathroom, My dad 
had to administer them—on the stre: 
PLAYBOY: Seriously? You saw that as a 
child? Did it scar you? 

STILLER: І did see that. Jesus, now that I 
think of it, it's crazy. І can't imagine hav- 
ing to do it, God, that’s a horrible image. 
PLAYBOY: What happened 10 Sugar? 
STILLER: Years of therapy. No, in truth she 
didn't last. We had to give her back. 
PLAYBOY: Is it safe to assume you've given 
up on house pets? 

STILLER: Му wife, Christine, and I have two 
dogs, We're getting a puppy in a couple of 
days for my daughter's birthday 

PLAYBOY: Will you be in charge of house- 
training it? 

STILLER: Like І said, my record is a li 
tle spotty. 

PLAYBOY: Dog rearing aside, was grow 
up in your parents’ world of show bu: 
ness а good thing for you? 

STILLER: Oh yeah. My parents knew every- 
body. I met a lot of comedians and actors. 
Rodney Dangerfield was a good friend of 
my parents’. They went way back to when 
he was still known as Jack Roy. He would 
always come over for the holidays 
PLAYBOY: What wasit like celebrating hol- 
idays with Rodney Dangerfield? 

STILLER: Rodney was Rodney. He had so 
much energy. He was always the focus 
of the room. He was a sweet guy, but h 
had a tortured quality to him, which was 
the basis of who he was—and the basis 
of his act. Years later I went to see him 
about appearing in one of my movies. I 
met him at the Beverly Hilton. He came 
out in his bathrobe. You're sort of there 
to see the king. When you saw the king, 
you saw all of the king. 

PLAYBOY: Meaning? 

STILLER: Rodney's robe was ah іше 
bit open. I tried to maintain eye contact 
at all times. І didn’t want to look down 
PLAYBOY: Who else did you meet through 
your parents? 

STILLER: My parents were always connected 
in the comedy world. It wasn't a Holl 
wood sort of thing, but it was very New 
York. They used to have these crazy New 


Year's Eve parties. My dad did Hurlyburty 
on Broadway for three years, so all the 
people from the show would be there— 
William Hurt, Sigourney Weaver, Kevin 
Spacey, Harvey Keitel, Rodney, of course. 
Andy Kaufman came once. І think he was 
dating Elayne Boosler. In the carly 1980s 
Jerry Stiller and Anne Meara’s New Year's 
Eve party was a place people would show 
up. Î was, like, 17, 18, 19. It was exciting. 
I was in awe of Hurt at the time. He'd sit 
down and talk to me about acting. I never 
tried to network or anything, but show 
business was all around us. Î wanted to 
be part of that world. І loved the feeling 
of camaraderie among the actors. 
PLAYBOY: Were your parents so cool you 
never felt a need to rebel against them? 
STILLER: I went out to the West Coast to 
UCLA for a couple of quarters but then 
dropped out and came back home, so I 
kind of missed out on the whole youthful. 
rebellion, learning-to-be-on-your-own 
thing. I was the guy who dropped out 
and moved back in with his parents. 
PLAYBOY: When did you finally move out 
for good: 

STILLER: І was about 20. І made the big 


My dad's eyes popped out 
of his head. It was like, 
What is this woman doing 
with my boy? My mom's very 
matter-of-fact about stuff. 
Nothing shocks her. 


leap from my parents’ place on Riverside 
to 83rd Street and Broadway, about four 
blocks away. As soon as I moved I got this 
girlfriend who was 15 years older than 
Twas, She was an older woman, though I 
didn't think of her as an older woman. І 
met her in acting class. І remember the 
look on my dad’s face when he met her. 
She was not only older, she was also about 
six feet tall and a complete knockout. 
PLAYBOY: How did your father respond? 
STILLER: My dad's eyes popped out of his 
head. It was like, What is this woman 
doing with my boy? І probably should 
have warned them I had a girlfriend. 
PLAYBOY: Did he take you aside for a 
father-son talk? 

STILLER: I'm still waiting for that. 
PLAYBOY: How did your mother respond? 
STILLER: My mom’s very matter-of-fact 
about stuff. Nothing shocks her. She was 
like, “As long as you have your health.” 
PLAYBOY: So far Tropic Thunder has gotten 
good buzz. Haw do you capitalize on that? 
STILLER: Гус been trying to arrange a 
Topic Thunder tour for the troops, but I 
don't know if we'll be able to. I had this 
idea of bringing actors from the movie 


and showing it at military bases, Basi- 
cally, the idea is to bring a little bit of 
entertainment to guys out there dealing 
with real danger—with sort of Apocalypse 
Now go-go dancers. I may actually be 
dancing myself, which would be reverse 
motivation for the troops to want to get 
away from the base: “Please don't make 
me watch, І want to go back to war! 
PLAYBOY: The role you cast Tom Cruise 
in for this movic—he’s a bald, take-no- 
prisoners studio head—is unlike any 
version of him people have seen. Was it 
difficult to get him to take the role? 
STILLER: The role was his idea, It wasn’t 
even in the script. I didn't have to per- 
suade him. Не had the notion that if we 
had a studio head along with the actors, 
you'd sce the whole business, how peo- 
ple interact. We decided the studio head 
would determine that the actors were 
more valuable dead; the studio would 
make more money by cashing in their 
insurance policies 

Tom is amazing, We'd be talking about 
the characters, and in the middle of the 
conversation he'd say something like “М. 
character should have these giant hands 
1 remember thinking at the time, Wait, 
did he just say "giant hands"? І seriously 
believe the man is a movie savant. ‘The 
last time І saw him do something this out 
there was in Magnolia 
PLAYBOY: Was it intimidating to direct or act 
with someone at that level of stardom? 
STILLER: Ii depends. I wouldn't say intim- 
idating. With Robert Downey Jr., for 
example, it was closer to embarrassing. 
PLAYBOY: Why was working with Downey 
embarrassing? 
STILLER: Because I was so blown away by 
the guy, I started trying to copy him. It 
was like, Wow, this guy's a genius; maybe 
if 1 do what he does, I'l be a genius too! 
So І started doing what he did. 
PLAYBOY: What did he do? 
STILLER: If Downey had some crazy 
vitamins, ГА get some. If he had spun 
around and thrown oat bran at the 
moon, I'd have run out, bought some oat 
nd started spinning. I want to look 
like I'm as big a genius as he is. 
PLAYBOY: Did the vitamins hel 
STILLER: They didn't help me, but Downey 
nailed the part. He plays Kirk Lazarus, 
a five-time Academy Award winner, the 
most respected actor of his generation— 
up there with the Daniel Day-Lewises, 
the Sean Penns and the Russell Crowes— 
and he’s playing an African American, 
We had to find a funny, great, serious 
guy people would actually buy as a great 
actor. Someone who was a great actor 
great white actor—playing a black ser- 
geant in a 1972 Vietnam war movie. 
LAYBOY: What inspired that? 
STILLER: І was talking to Justin Theroux, a 
writer on the movie. It hit us how funny 
it would be to see this massively talented 
actor take on the role of an African 
American and play it completely straight. 
1 don't think another actor could have 


PLAYBOY 


52 


pulled it off. On every level he was а dif- 
ferent kind of person than І expected. 
PLAYBOY: What were you expecting: 
STILLER: Well, Robert Downey Jr: Obviously, 
he has had his troubles that everybody 
knows about. But you look at him and you 
see a guy so happy and generous that he 
makes those working with him better. He 
has this sharp, cynical thing going on, too. 
Some kind of anger fuels his acting, but 
he has found a balance that enables him 
to use it. I don't think I ever directed an 
actor that good. It was daunting. Even eat- 
im was daunting. 
Why was that dauntin; 
: His mind works so fast, when 
you cat with him you almost have 10 stop 
what you're doing and think about what 
he's saying. He has a unique thought 
process, Our first few dinners, І couldn't 
keep up at all, I was laughing and liter- 
ally going back three sentences trying to 
understand what he was saying. You're 
on guard when you're around him but 
in а good way, because you don't want to 
miss anything. He's throwing out ideas— 
really good ideas—in a torrent 
PLAYBOY: You're a dad now. Docs being a 
family man influence your work? 
STILLER: The biggest difference is that I 
wasn't accountable before. I tend to be. 
a workaholic, You can keep some pretty 
insane hours when you don't have to 
be anywhere. But now I do have to 
be somewhere. 
PLAYBOY: Was there a conflict between 
work and family? 
STILLER: There's always that conflict. And it's 
not just about time, When you's 
kids, you have to actually be there. You can't 
be thinking about how this scene has to be 
cut or that bit of music needs to be redone 
or about the scene you're shooting tomor- 
с You need to find some balance, which 
entirely new concept for me. But 
hey, Гус been married almost eight years. 
T live a pretty boring, stable life. 
PLAYBOY: In an alternate univer what 
would you be doing if you hadn't ended 
up directing and acting: 
STILLER: As a kid I was interested in being 
an archaeologist. I was into Egyptology 
Also I loved scuba diving. I was an assistant 
diving instructor when I was a teenager. 
I might have had some kind of undersea 
career. Another thing І loved was astro 
omy. In the summer, Î took some extracur- 
ricular classes at the Hayden Planetarium 
in New York with my mom. 
PLAYBOY: You took astronomy classes with 
your mom? 
STILLER: Yeah, and it was great. I loved that. 
But you know, once you get into all the 
stars and the constellations, eventually some 
math will be involved. That's when it always 
broke down forme. I've got some deep and 
unresolved math issues. І suck at it. 
PLAYBOY: It’s no secret that a lot of actors’ 
production companies are more or less 
vanity operations, but yours actually 
makes movies. 
STILLER: Well, I don’t want to get into 


other people's operations, but yeah, this 
year we were really busy. I mean, І got 
to direct and produce Tropic Thunder and 
my company, Red Hour, produced The 
Ruins, which we developed from a great 
script by Scott Smith, the novelist and 
screenwriter who wrote A Simple Plan 
The best thing about where I am now is 
getting to work with writers I love, trying 
to develop things a major studio might 
not necessarily jump on. It’s always an 
uphill fight. One of the things I want to 
do is Civil Warland in Bad Decline, from the 
short story by George Saunders, the New 
Yorker writer: He has been working on the 
script for the better part of 10 years. 
PLAYBOY: Didn't you develop and make 
Dodgeball after the studio passed? 
STILLER: Yeah, but it’s that way with any 
script that gets made eventually, unless 
it's some high-concept tent-pole thing. 
That's what being a producer is—trying 
to get things made. At this point І think 
I'ma better director than producer. I'm 
not the first person to say it’s hard to get 
things made in Hollywood. Tropic Thun- 
der took nine years. 

PLAYBOY: You obviously don't need the 


People tend to look at acting 
and say, "I could do that." 
I wish everybody could come 
on a set and try it. It has 
taken me 10 years to get to 
where I feel comfortable. 


money, so what keeps you going? 

STILLER: One of the reasons—no, one of 
the obligations you have when you get to 
certain place in this business—is to take c 
projects that would not happen otherwise 
PLAYBOY: Is there a movie you made that 
you really love that didn’t come easy? 
STILLER: Zoolander, That was a hard one. 
And when it finally got made, it came out 
two weeks after September 11. 

PLAYBOY: Was there any talk of delaying 
the release 
STILLER: Obviously, there could not have 
been a worse time to put out a movie. But at 
the same time, I couldn't think of any reason 
not to release it, other than people would be 
worried it wouldn't make as much money. 
Zoolander is more gratifying than any of the 
big-box-oflice movies I've been in. 

PLAYBOY: What makes it more gratifying? 
STILLER: What it has become for people. 
The way it has lasted. Who could have 
predicted that? That's why you keep 
pushing. I've been trying to make What 
Makes Sammy Run? for, 1 don't know, 10 
or 11 years. People were trying to make 
it for 50 years before me. I'm now too old. 
to play Sammy, the part that made me 


want to do the movie in the first place. 
But that's the deal, man. You're always 
doing this at the same time you're trying 
10 figure out how to do that. If you really 
believe in a project, if you have that pas- 
sion, you have to be patient. And mean- 
while you have to keep working, keep 
making movies. That's the nature of the 
business. It's like acting. There's more to 
making movies than people sec. 
PLAYBOY: What is the reality that people 
don’t see about acting 

STILLER: People tend 10 look at acting and 
say, “I could do that.” I wish everybody 
could come on a set one time, stand in 
front of the camera and try it, When 
suddenly everyone is looking at you, the 
chemistry changes. It has taken me 10 
years of working to get to the point where 
1 feel comfortable. Try being funny or 
emotional when there's a bunch of union 
guys sitting around waiting for lunch, a 
director telling you to do something, an 
actor across from you who may or may 
not be giving you anything, a camera 
staring at you and some guy in а suit in 
а corner texting, probably about you 
PLAYBOY: Are you looking for sympathy? 
STILLER: No, that’s what the job is. Im sure 
any surgeon would probably say, "Nobody 
understands what it’s like to cut open a 
human body.” Or some fireman's reading 
this, going, “Nobody understands what 
it’s like to walk into a burning building.” 
Those jobs are а lot more daunting. 
PLAYBOY: Do you prefer working with 
directors who have acted? 

STILLER: Directors who haven't acted don't 
have the same relationship to an actor. I've 
worked with directors who will give you a 
line reading off the bat, To me that’s the 
death of creativity. You might as well be a 
puppet. Anytime I work with a d 
who has some acting experience—e 
it was 20 years ago for five minutes—ihe 
know what it's like to get in front of a cam- 
era and try to portray reality. It makes a 
difference. Acting can be the most creativ 
amazing experience in the world. But it's a 
weird thing to do for a living. 

PLAYBOY: Is it less weird when you have 
your own customized trailer? Is it true 
you designed yours? 

STILLER: How do you know that? That's 
horrible to talk about. A custom trailer 
sounds хо... [laughs] Well, you know how 
it sounds. 

PLAYBOY: You've come clean about dog 
suppositories, yet you're ashamed to talk 
about a custom-made trailer? 

STILLER: Dog suppositories are somehow 
less embarrassing. But if we're going to 
talk about it, we should get it straight, 
1 did not design it, and it is not exactly 
custom-made. I told them some things І 
thought would make it a little more com- 
fortable than average. 

PLAYBOY: What’s wrong with the regu- 
lar trailers? 

STILLER: Believe me, they can suck. And you 
know, given the nature of moviemaking, 


(coneluded om page 136) 


THE STRANGE REDEMPTION 


OF JAMES KEENE 


P by Hillel Levin 


PHOTO EY GEORGE GEORGIO 


ous flights 
e had been chained insi 
argo plane. This tim 
plush leather seats. The marshal 
shackles and even shai 
private airstrip outside 
off the jet, they es 
As they drive down tre 
land, Jim can't help but br 
about his prospects, He ha serving arto 
sentence on drug charges, n the table that 
could free him in no time. The van is going to the Sprin; 
Medical Center for Federal Prisoners, a maximum-security р 
tentiary for psychiatric patients, many of them criminally 
With only th 
den and chief 
chiatrist knc 
the true e 
his transfer, Keene 
could, if everything 
зе right, be out 
in weeks with no 
strings attached 
And ¡fit 
right? He doesn't 
even want to think 
about that 
Riding with th 
Jim 
mal 
about 
range path that 
led him, the son 
а policeman, to a 
life of crime, / could 
have been one of 
them, he thinks, How did / end up 
Everybody is silent when they see the penitentiary 
low-security prison in Milan, Michigan is ma lo 
buildings that s manicured lawns like a 
campus. But the MCFP rises from the Missouri plains in big 
jagged blocks, There are guard towers, barbed wire and, in the 
early-morning haze, a floc 
like something out of a James Cagney m 
This Milan,” Jim says out 
The ma ook at Jim, d that he is al 
Jim thinks again about the assistant U.S. at 
umont, who engineered his transfer 
eene in prison. Until Beaum 
eal, Jim had feared and d him. As he wat 
penitentiary loom before him, Jim asks the marshal 
if Beaumont backs out? I'll be 
raving lunal 
The marshals tell Jim that 
when their pleading doesn’t work, the supe 
arms. As he puts the cuffs and shackles on, he tells him, “I'm 
doing this for your own good 
The marshals have planne 


Jim's 


played for a fool. Only 
van, when the guards have their heads turner 
shal look at Jim ai k him a thumbs-up 


thes and prepare for a strip 
lation. 


ike a hospital than a priso 
s arranged his fe hen the 
akfast. He stumbles out of his cell, still in a daze 
ing, and is engulfed in the prison’s rush hour 
are runnin uting. In their camo outfits 
y are like a bizarre army surging through the halls, There 
ays screams, and sometimes Jim hears guys crying. 
yet are th mffle forward with bl 
jacked up on drugs they look like zombie 
d nous dining hall 
vith the und of thou: 
lling and all the plates clinking and trays 
clacking, this is a new kind of hell for Jim Keene. 
pick up his 
tray, but his eyes 
ck on a short and 
stocky con: Larry 
H 
he prepar 
mission, Jim 
at Hall's p 
Although Hall's face 
has grown pudgier 
in prison, Keene 
is sure it is Hall 
Before Keene left for 
Springfield, his FBI 
handlers warned him 
to approach Hall 
after arrival 
s not to make 
him suspicious. But 
at the first sight c 
his quarry, Jim f 
s: Maybe I can 
nfor- 


numb. He starts having crazy the 

е out. Or may at the 

у is in motion 

he bumps right into him. Hall looks up at Jim in 
e зе has ruined everything, 


When Larry Beaumont first yanked Keene out of the federal 
n Michigan and sent him back to a county jail in central 
is, Jim had his cions about what the prosecutor 

ited, In building his drug empire, Keene had worked with 
from Mexican drug 

His customers included club 

s, politicians and porn stars. Some 

d on Jim's father, a police and fire 

ady elected 

south of 

ss on any of 


them, and 
In 


th a full gray beard, he reminds Jim of an 
ld Testament prophet. This time sheriff's deputies and FBI 

ts sit with Jim. With a dramatic flourish Beaumont slides 
a fat accordion file across the table. 

Nothing has prepared Jim for the first glossy photograph 
he pulls from the folder. It isn’t a picture of a drug dealer 
It's a picture of the naked body of a dead young 

anding corn. Her face is 
st he can with the cuffs, Jim turns over 
of the grisly scene. With dread he wonders, 


He looks 


contin- 

ugh the file, flipping 

through graduation portraits 
of attractive y 
interspersed 


s strangulation 
are still missing. 


ims ends 
of a man 


4, but his cherubic face, 
framed by slick strands of 
hair, a trimmed mustache and 
muttonchop sideburns, | 
as if it were snapped a 
tury earlier, His strange 
tare off into the distance, Hi 
full name is Lany Duane Hall 
At 34 he is a year older than 
Keene, Beaumont says Hall i 
already serving a life sentence 

r abducting the girl in the 
cornfield (homicide carrie 
no federal sentence), but an 
appeal is pending, And Beau- 


mont adds, “We think he 
responsibl 


more than 20 

1er killings 
Hall's grooming tied him 
to many victims. Their dis. 
appearance coincided with 
battlefield reenactment 
at nearby parks and camp- 
grounds, A history buff, Hall 
traveled the country, portray- 
1 Union foot soldier. He 


as an extra in t 


urg. His muttonch 
authentic as his unifor 
had a full-blown confe: 
but then he retracted it." Jim 
listens to Beaumont talk abou 
details, Finally he ask it 
want to place you in th 


Larry Hall (top left photo, on right, in Civil 
War garb with his brother) held the key to Jim 
Keene's release. A mug shot of Hall (top right 
taken at his arrest in Wabash, Indiana in 1994 
Jim Keene wanted to set things right with hi 

father, Big Jim (above, holding child), who 

had been a cop and a lieutenant in the Kanka 

kee, Illinois fire department before his career 
ended. For Jim (right), the feds' deal was his 


best chance to restore his family's reputation 


еге intended to make his face ecutor adds, “If 
m and rifle. 

sion,” Beaumont say 
oaks at the phi 
ıt Hall, but he 
does this have t 
ral penitentiary where Hall 


see if you can get him to talk," Beaumont says. Hall has — looki 


n a model prisoner, attendin 


and carving falcons in the 
only the chief psychiatrist wot 
t guy for this 


od sh г than the ward: 
ild know Jim's obj 
Beaumont says 


n Dealer that 


sonality that can deal with e 


Jim still doesn't get it. "| don't have exp 


killers," he says. y don't 
Hall would smell him fr 


He'll get into a shell that no 


ус! Civil War r 
1a mile away," за n hour or 


an Indiana is up 
miles from Hall vn. trainin 
on, but it al 
and local p. 


ivil War films, Glory and But then the old Beaumont sc 

vt get us the location of the body, 
y, no release 

ome time to consider the offer 

es back to his cell with the Larry Hall 

upposed to study the documents 


you don't get released 
Jim asks Beaumont for 
of the girls He shuffles in shack 
file under his arm. 

to prepare for his mission, but h 


r 
the building's b the hall light, while the others 
The file contain: 


h the disapr 


returns, and the pros- 


has little privacy to do so. 
Il. One of them is always 
ily at night, by 


s. Many c 
е students in 
rt athletic buil 


arance or mur ame coincidec 

ther victim 
outh of Hall's home in Wabash, a faded factory 
entral Indiana. 


е from college tow 


nders if he 
him, he has no 
ding to Beaumont, 
to request a 
to a maximum-security peni- 
and though he has 
survival will 
ed аі 


Susie Feldman stands 
by her man 


dmit it: You wish you were Corey Feldman. 
Not because he hangs with Hef and sta 
in classic movies like Stand by Me and The 
Å Lost Boys but because he gets to wake up 
next to Susie Feldman, his gorgeous wife, whom you 
see before you, We got to know the feisty brune 
Corey's fiancée on the 2003 debut season of The Sur- 
real Life. The couple had what Susie calls a 
wedding” on the show and now have a four-y 
son, Zen, Susie credits Corey with helping her curb 
her hard-partying ways and transforming her into 
a vegetarian, fervent animal-rights supporter and 
protective mother. “I was a lost puppy.” says Susie, 
26. “Now I am a full-blown housewife, and I love it 
Corey and 1 fight for animal rights at home, at rallies 
and on the floor of Congress. Family, spirituality and 
positivity are important to me, 
"ll see more of Susie's transform this sum- 
n the second season of A&E’s real os The 
‘Tivo Coreys, which again co-stars her husband's child- 
hood pal Corey Haim. “They are like 12-year-old. 
boys when they get together,” says Susie. This season 
Haim no longer lives with the Feldmans, Susie tells 
us, “but when s back to L.A. for a fresh 
he somehow wreaks more havoc when he's away 
from us than when he's in our home. It's ap 
which Corey has his stuff together and which doesn't 
Viewers will get an honest look at the dynamic of 
their friendship and our marriage. 
Maintaining the heat in her marriage requires 
Susie to enforce certain rules—"When the house is 
covered with baby toys, your bedroom needs to be a 
nctuary that’s sexy and adult”—and to shed others. 
have no inhibitions and am attracted to women, 
When my husband sees a girl walk 
d for Middle 


Susie reports 
by, I was probably looking first. It's h: 
America to swallow the idea that you can be married 
tremely in love with each other, totally healthy and 
sometimes share a girl. PLAYBOY was one of the first 
magazines I ever read, but І used to be in denial 
about liking to look at naked women. The good thing 
is I сап explore this with Corey, because I trust him. 
We're doing something right. It all works.” 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY STEPHEN WAYDA 


Top: Corey Halm, 
Susie Feldman and 
Corey Feldman play 
house on A&E's The 
Two Coreys; lett, 
Corey's better half 
gets tongues wag- 
ging at the Gene 
Simmons roast at 
the Key Club; below, 
Susle steps out with 
her husband at а 
Hollywood movle 
screening In March. 


See more of Susie at cyber.playboy.com. 


PLAYBOY 


54 


REDEMPTION 


(continued from page 56) 


Yet Keene realizes Beaumont's scheme 
offers him something more than an early 
release. It could transform his drug 
sentence into something good. It could 
redeem his and his father's reputation 
And his father feels partly responsible for 
his son's descent into crime. 


Big Jim has been the greatest influence 
on Keene's life. At six-foot-four, with 
the shoulders and biceps of a football 
lineman, he was once as handsome as 
а movie star. Keene's mother, Lynn, 
a raven-haired beauty, completed the 
picture of a perfectly matched couple 
Besides serving as a ranking officer, first 
in the police department and then in the. 
fire department, Big Jim had a construc- 
tion business on the side to take advan- 
age of his political connections. His wife 
had her own bar and grill. They raised 
Keene (known as Jimmy) and his younger 
brother and sister in a big house. They 
appeared to have a storybook marriage. 
Behind closed doors, though, a different 
plot played out. Jimmy's parents fought 
constantly about money and his mothers 
nighthawk ways. When Keene was 11, 
his parents divorced, and his childhood 
effectively ended. 

Keene enrolled in Kankakee's inner- 
city high school, where he lettered in 
track and wrestling and, as the star run- 
ning back, led the football team to the 
state championship game. Keene was 
self-conscious about his family's relatively 
modest means. He felt that stigma grow 
when Big Jim was dragged into a well- 
publicized drug sting. Although noth- 
ing came of it, the stain remained on 
the father and, by extension, the son 
“My mom was losing her restaurant, and 
my dad was going broke on a fireman’s 
salary,” Keene recalls, “and everybody 
thought T was the godfather’s kid.” 

As people kept approaching Jimmy for 
dope, he eventually thought about sup- 
plying them. “If I could get them their 
party goods, I was the man of the hour,” 
he says, Although not a user himself, he 
had several pot-smoking friends who 
introduced him to their local contacts. 
Keene was well suited to build a sales net- 
work. He could recruit his wrestler and 
foothall-player buddies to be dealers, 

When Keene graduated, most Kanka- 
kee football fans expected him to become 
à running back at a major university 
(He had several offers from big-name 
schools.) Instead he chose to attend a 
community college in a Chicago suburb. 
He explained to Big Jim that he wanted 
to remain close to Kankakee. In fact he 
was making too much money to leave his 
drug operation behind. 

“Г realized I could put the college 
education on hold,” Keene says, “and 
become a millionaire very quickly.” He 
dropped out of school in 1984, after his 


sophomore year, though he later went 
back and got his degrees. With too much 
cash to bank, he spent it on “stupid shit” 
he didn’t need. 

He also bailed out Big Jim. When his 
father was on the verge of eviction, Jimmy 
arrived at his door with a bag full of 
$350,000 in cash. Before his father could 
ask where it came from, Keene told him, 
“Please don't ask any questions. 

It was the first of many infusions into 
Big Jim's affairs—a sort of reverse trust 
fund. His father trusted that the source 
of money wasn't too had. The son trusted 
that his father could somehow leverage 
the cash into a legitimate enterprise 
Fueled by his son's funds, Big Jim was rid- 
ing high again, but every place he sunk 
Jimmy's money was a dry hole. 

If Big Jim had any illusions about the 
source of his son's wealth, they were 
dispelled in 1992 when Jimmy and his 
younger brother, Tim, were busted with 
150 pounds of pot, Because the local 
narcs made mistakes in the search and 
seizure, the brothers got off with pro- 
bation. But no matter how he tried, 
Keene couldn't get out of the business. 
“I wanted $5 million I could bury in a 
hole,” he says. “Then I'd get a job and 
start a normal life.” But Big Jim's deals 
ate into all his savings, 

The regional narcotics strike force kept 
an eye on Jimmy Keene. It was only a 
matter of time before the Drug Enforce- 
ment Agency infiltrated his organization 
When DEA officers raided his house in 
1996, they knew about the safe under his 
bathroom floor, Inside they found bags 
of coke and weed, along with an elec- 
tronic scale. In an attic safe they found 
cash they had given an informant to buy 
cocaine. Keene decided to take a plea, 
believing his sentence would be based 
on the minimal amounts of drugs found 
his safe. But Beaumont also charged 
Keene with the amounts he was alleged 
10 have sold to informants. 

When Keene heard the judge give him 
а 10-year sentence, the life went out of 
him. His mother cried hysterically. But 
as he stumbled out of the courtroom, he 
couldn't take his eyes off his father, “He 
was pale white with a vacant stare,” says 
Jim, “like he was lost.” 

The next time Keene saw his father was 
through thick glass in the prison visiting 
room. His father still looked lost, but as 
soon as Jim appeared across from him in 
his jumpsuit, he started to cry. Jim cried 
too. “It’s my fault,” Big Jim kept saying. 
“If only I hadn't raised you around so 
much corruption 

Nearly a year later, while Keene con- 
templates Beaumont's offer, he is told 
his father has suffered a stroke. He can't 
believe the news. Despite all Big Jim's 
financial and romantic sethacks, he always 
seemed physically indestructible—until 
Jim's brother pushed him into the v 
tors room in a wheelchair. “I had to go 
back to my cell with that vision of him in 
my head,” Keene recalls. “It got me very 


determined.” Jim called his lawyer and 
told him to seal the deal with Beaumont. 
It might be the only way he'd get out of 
prison while his father was still alive, 


The FBI agents want Jim to take six 
months to size up Hall before approach- 
ing him. There is no way Jim will wait 
that long. But he doesn't expect to bump 
into Hall in the cafetería just hours alter 
he arrives 

At first Hall pulls away from him, 
alarmed, his head moving in slow motion 
Keene holds up his hands in apology. 

Sorry" he says. “I'm new here. You lool 
cool. Gan you tell me how you get 
food here?” 

Hall points where he should go but 
then asks, "You think I'm cool? 

“Look at these other guys around you,” 
Keene replies. 

Hall laughs and then offers to show 
him the library later. “І read the paper 
there every day,” he says. 

Not only did Jim practically knock him 
over, but he said exactly the sort of thing 
that should have made Hall suspicious 
Stil, Jim starts to think he can accomplish 
his mission in weeks instead of months. 

That morning he meets the chief p 
chiatrist. The shrink places Keene in a cell 
directly opposite from Hall. While Jim can 
keep his name, he needs to claim his sen- 
tence is fora different offense, since drug 
dealers are usually held in lower-security 
prisons. Jim pretends to be an interstate 
weapons runner who has become severely 
depressed and possibly suicidal 

He is under the chief psychiatrist's 
direct care. As he perches on his desk, the 
doctor, a tall man in shirtsleeves, stresses 
that Jim has to keep his mission confiden- 
tial. For prisoners, no conduct is worse 
than informing 

Keene's only other contact with the 
outside world comes to see him the 
next Sunday in the penitentiary's large 
open visiting room. At first, when told 
he has a visitor, Keene thinks Big Jim 
has tracked him down, But waiting for 
him instead is a blonde with cropped 
hair. She wears a conservative blazer 
and a dressy skirt. She is attractive if 
not exactly his type. Jim goes over 10 
her with his hand extended, and she 
quickly pulls him into an embrace 
kisses him, whispering in his е, 
supposed to be your girlfriend. 

This is Janice Butkus, FBI agent and 
niece of former Chicago Bears linebacker 
Dick Butkus, She uses an assumed name 
to sign in. If Jim discovers anything from 
Hall, she will work outside to confirm it 
She also gives him a phone number to 
call in case of emergency. Jim promises 
he will study Hall only from a distance 
He doesn’t reveal that he has already 
talked to Hall and even arranged to 
тесі him a few times in the library. But 
then again, not much has come of these 
developments. There is no way they can 

(continued on page 121) 


our 


“Now, what seems to be the problem?” 


66 


Playboy did, mone than just usher in 


Х the sexual revolution. t also wspined, 
awhole new way of (оид 


ыы (0L 


irst, on behalf of Big Daddy 

himself, let me bid you hello 
again 
the very place whe 
hundred-plus years ago, the 
Cool (genus Originalis) began its 
sublime come-on, sly but confi 
dent, so as to upgrade your I 
forever—even if you hadn't been 
born yet. True! From late 19 
onward, herein glowed America 
chief oracle of 
sensibility—fraternal finesse dis, 
nanagement around here ever dai 
ential seeds of the Cool, sin 
(Whereas, per them, basking 


cats! Welcome b. 


some hi 


stic smooth- 


itude and unshackled 
numero uno. Not that th 
take bows for spreading the 
that would've been Not So Cool. 
somewhat in the triumphant marshaling of the sexual revolution 
across a hypocrisy-choked society—hey, no problem there!) Cool, 


you see, intrinsically defies self-congratulation, especially with 
regard to celebrating one's own coolness. Anyway, the larger 
point is, back in the middle of the last century, times were sim- 
pler (and duller), and nobody knew what to do or how to compart 
themselves enviably, although the Cool thing was to pre 
did, because the new world (full of jazzy new promise) w 
ing so fast, all anyone could really do was fake it to make it. And 
that would include one particularly ambitious fellow who in those 
early days wore pajamas mostly for s ou 
but did his dreaming (also ambitio 
since dreams and dream peddling of the swank and urbane vari- 
ety were to forever be his bag. Lest you doubt me, your fing 
at present happen to be gripping precisely what that quixotic 
first let out of his bag, such as it swings lately, such as it h 
swung from come-on to get-go and beyond. 

Now, if before his mission took flight—that is, if before on 
Н.М. Hefner (Hef to you and me) made the scene—he w 
perceived as perhaps Not So Cool, he was ni 
we were all born basically square (even Miles D. 


end you 


an imagine, 


around the dock anyway, 


S. and Puffy C.) until we figured out 

out the ways and means of Cool, 

ally wasn't much of a tangible con- 
iration until the thick, principled 

du rld red to the | 

wind and obtuse Atomic Age fatigue started 

ooking a populace that just, oh please, wanted to think about 

se, like, perchance, better living and living better 


thing 


(and/or, like, livin! apostrophe required, if you wish to follow the 
proper patois). Bombs and mushroom clouds, after all, were 
hot. Thus those who were prone to such sweaty panics yearned 


to lower th ts and saunter toward easy-breeziness 
ie., toward Cool, i.e., toward how one might begin to consider 
quiring the pose and trappings of Cool amid the nicely timed 
t flush of postwar prosperity. Of course Cool forbids ask- 
ing for help and never more so than when seeking Cool itself 
You must appear, at the very least, to just sort of bump into 
possibly in the form of a brand-new upscale peri- 
odical that happened to prominently display well-bred females 
of the Next Door species casuelly undraped and intermingled 
with bright pages of brighter text suggesting slick methods of 
existential improvement (as in pads, threads, wheels, boites, 
ters, gizmos, thingamabobs and, 
tudes). Because, well, who would opt to look 
then, for such unabashed, indisputable Rules of 


eir thermos 


it-may 


there, bi 
Cool, laid out monthly like serial installments of the Stone Tab- 


lets with staples? (This, by the way, is where a conspiratorial 
ould be good, if typeface could wink.) 

ool, however, із cagey that way, the most unobvious of 
art forms when exhibited properly—which lately it has been, 
le (thus with true artistic license), in an iconic, 


wink v 


museum- 


wide-ranging retro collection of expres- 
sive disciplines (painting, architecture, 
furniture design, photography, pop cul- 
ture multimedia), titled Birth of the Cool 
(as borrowed from the landmark 1957 
Miles Davis LP of the same name) and 
unveiled last fall at the Orange County 
Museum of Art in Newport Beach, Cali- 
fornia, from whence it has embarked on a 
selective travel circuit (dig it now in Oak- 
land!). While tilted toward the sly sen- 
sibility of “California cool”—which The 
New York Times, upon appraising the 
mixed assemblage, described as “laid- 
back yet cleanly articulated...strict yet 
hedonistic and seri- 

ously playful"—there | JAMES BOND 
is also great evidence 

on display of a cer- 

tain Chicago-honed 

influence (no sur- 

prise!), a generous 

pouring of vintage 0077 
1950s Hefneria (lush 

PLAYBOY spreads, 

sleek video loops, etc.) stirred through- 
out the heady conflagration. Indeed, the 
savvy curator of it all inscribed Hef's 
personal copy of the elaborate accompa- 
nying exhibition catalog to merely “the 
midwife of Cool” (as in one who lov- 
ingly and instrumentally assists during 
a birthing process). And in said catalog, 
the instrumental one can be seen via 
classic photographs, coolly clenching 
pipe, brow furrowed lightly [seriously 
playful, natch) while innately elevating 


sybaritic aestheticism by way of just being a cat who 
wanted what most cats wanted before they ever knew 
they wanted it until he told them they did, 


Wanting, of course, is the semisecret romantic crux of 
Playboy Cool. (Getting, of course, is just the gravy, and 
Having would equal utopia on earth.) Per this Wanting, 
though, let us turn counterclockwise so as to picture the 
postcollegiate mid-20-something Hef (no longer quite 
the buoyant Hep Hef he'd been dubbed in high school), 
who now suddenly found himself slightly soul deadened, 
trapped in colorless jobs, shackled in ill-fitting wedlock, 
seeking elusive moonbeams, wandering the Windy City 
late at night, staring up at glimmering apartment towers. 
“and very much wanting to be part of the Good Life | 
thought the people in those buildings must be leading” 
This image, | will tell you, is the Essential Hef, the hungry 
tableau set against lonely, grim pavement 
{think Hef noir!) that led to all things 
beyond groovy. In the aforementioned 
catalog of Cool, essayist Thomas Hine 
puts forth many erudite derivations of 
that idealized state of Being, not least that 
“it was a response to alienation, but it 
became a mark of belonging.” Well, hello, 
Hef—and come on in! “І wanted to be 
where it was happening—whatever "it 
was,” Hef once famously recalled of that 
fabled raw-pining period, adding, “When | 
finally found out, of course, it wasn't what 
| thought it would be; it was infinitely bet- 
ter, unbelievably more exciting than I'd 
ever dreamed,” Not to get too far ahead 
of ourselves, but that would be the jour 

ney's intended trajectory, to put it tastefully. 


are Taste City,” he crowed to Time 
eight years into empire building, hav 
ing built that empire on decidedly citified 
taste. (Hine again, from the Coo/catalog: 
"PLAYBOY was, from its beginning, a manual 
on showing taste and finding pleasure in a 
world of mass affluence.”) But he never 
fully understood from whence his taste 
came, in that his prim Methodist middle- 
class-neighborhood upbringing was more 
bringdown, aesthetics-wise—an incubator 
of squareness squared. (Only his elective 
design classes at the University of Illinois, 
which he aced handily, seemed to point him 
toward the light.) He would say, “When І 
came out of college my tastes were very 
contemporary, and that held in terms of my 
own apartment. It was a Mies van der Rohe 
and Frank Lloyd Wright kind of architecture 
and the Hans Knoll-Herman Miller style of 
furnishings that most appealed to me. And 
you will find those tastes reflected in most 
of the magazine's early design pieces. They 
were simple, clean and contemporary.” 
(As was, most pleasurably—and | say this 
after thoroughly navigating the impecca- 
ble, newly released digital archive Playboy 

68 Cover to Cover: The 50s-the sparse but 


Tae 


Pravsoy Jazz Porr 


bold modernist layouts energizing every page of the magazine from its 1953 
inception to that seminal decade's end and onward, as rendered by the gr 
art director Arthur Paul, Hef's chief co-avatar of visual Cool) 
Now, about that apartment, which v 
GE fist (2 marital nest, no less) and, not coinciden 
5 tally, the cradle from which the debut issue of 
The magazine this magazine sprang: The avant-garde taste he 
à imbued in those five humble rooms was all he had 
brimmed to stake toward his formidable dreams, which is 
; to say the full $600 he personally sank into the 
with the birth of PLAYBOY (abetted by a few more grand 
invested by chums) was borrowed against the 
forward-minded furniture he meticulously chose 


his 


thrill of acquis- 


itiveness to decorate that singular pad. Besides the Hans 
Knoll tables and curvy Eames chairs, a joyous 
uninterruptus. bohemian ethos pervaded (grass walls, bamboo 
shades, stippled floors, articulated lamps, Picasso 
MEE ^ reproductions, Saul Steinberg-esque cartoon 
wallpaper). Significantly, too, there was the broad 
crimson Eero Saarinen womb chair (his prized postcollege gift to himsel 
in which he wauld strike an enduring snapshot pose while flaunting Volume 
One, Number One of the publication his deft interior stylings had helped 
make fiscally possible, Indeed, flushed with triumph, and taste, he quickly 
took an office space to create the second issue, 
whereupon, per the recollection of fond business 
associate Eldon Sellers, “Next thing I knew, Hef 
was putting in Herman Miller furniture, and | was 
kind of worried that he was spending too much 
too soon to make a show, to make an impres 
sion.” On the other hand, how could he not? He'd 
already made sure the premiere issue boasted a 
sexy spread—20 pages past the one infamously 
devoted to an unclad Marilyn Monroe—heralding 
the progressive Herman Miller office line, with copy 
declaring that any business hip enough to install 
such would be perceived “as up-to-date as tomor- 
row, know where they're going and will use the 
most modern methods to get there.” And this, you 
should know, was four years before Norman Mailer, 
in an eggheadish treatise on hipsterism for Dissent 
magazine, wrote, "To be cool is to be equipped, and 
if you are equipped it is more difficult for the next 
cat who comes along to put you down." If | may say so: Well, yeah, Dad 


We are, after all, talking the Original Equip-o-torium-o-rama here—wherein th style—that 
mind-meld of man (editor-publisher-dreamer) and magazine brimmed withthe F London Blue Jers too 
thrill of acquisitiveness uninterruptus, pertaining as much to psychic suavityas Е nat ne of the key trendsetters w 

to correctly outfitting the realm of swift move making. “The 9505 was the last define the era. Below, the magazine's great fiction re 
decade when to be cool meant to be sophisticated,” observed Time.com thinker great art: Picasso illust 
Richard Corliss back when PLAYBOY hit its half-century mark. "Hefner promoted 

the religion of urbarity, or, as Newsweek tagged it, Urbunrity. And apparently 
many of his readers enjoyed imagining themselves as the Hefner male.” Hefner 
males, in case you wondered, were not especialy prone to the fresh-air imagin- 

ings of spelunking or rappelling or splashyakking as forked up by other testos- 
terone journals, thank you. Brawn need never apply, because smooth was all, 

kind of lke the lacquered seat of a perfect Eames lounger. “We don't mind telling 
youin advance—we plan on spending most of our timeinside,” wrote Hef in the 
silken preface to issue one, promulgating a shared ownership of his civilized new 
frontier of languor, a.k.a. the Great Indoors. He went on, legendarily, “We like 

our apartment.” (How about, per above, like it like crazy2) “We enjoy mixing 

up cocktails and an hors d'oeuvre or two, putting a little mood music on the 
phonograph and inviting in a female acquaintance for a quiet discussion on 
Picasso, Nietzsche, jazz, sex.” As go purring Cool Cat manifestos, none shall 

ever measure up to that, | dare submit. (continued on page 12) — 


РАВО БИМ 
НАШЕ ©БІВАМЕ) _ 


They gave their all for their 
countries. They bared all for 
us. Let the Games begin! 


x LP 
he Olympic motto is "Fas highe: 
Ti stronger.” We'd petition for a fourth 
adjective: hotter. Today's sporty 
aches are raising the bar and looking 
good doing it. Such is the case with 
high jumper a 
PLAYBOY cover gir! prior to the 


and finished in fourth place 
In February she sent usa 
note of thanks: Playboy 
publicity, she says, helped 
the team secure training 
facilities and a coach 

Му chances are the 


One of the all-time great figure skaters, two-time gold medalist proved herself the sexiest, bar 
none, with her December 1998 cover pictorial. Swimmer also a twe Id medalist, graced 
our July 2007 cover. Considered a long shot for Beijing at the age of 26, nda raised eyebrows with a 
third-place finish at the Southern California Grand Prix of Swimming in January. She mak team—wet or dry. 


By Paul Slansky 


outside the 1968 


of people. 


convention, wha! 
Quayle say was 
question” of the 


“Whether this 


ofi 


THE WINDSURFER 


Pe 1. Complete Chicago 
mayor Richard Daley's 
statement after the riots 


cratic National Convention: 
“Тһе policeman isn't there 
to create disorder. The 

policeman isthereto — ' 


create order out of chaos. 
beat the shit out 


preserve disorder. 


» 
p> 2. At the 1988 СОР 
d 
> 


“the real 


Demo- 


t did Dan 


upcoming Bush-Dukakis contest? 


is going to be the country of the pledg 


of allegiance or the United States of—of Williehortonland! 


“Whether we're going to go forward 
to tomorrow or past to the—to the back 

Whether we're going to have a sh: 
gloomy president or a— tall giddy опе 


3. What omen presaged the candidacies 
of Jimmy Carter in 1980 and John 
Kerry in 2004? 


Each found a dead squirrel in his 
with an intestinal flu on the eve 


ptance speech. 
Each was victimized by an impotent balloon trickle follow- 
ing his acceptance speech. 


PP 4. Complete this statement by a Republican Party 
al explaining why U.S. treasurer Katherine 
Ortega was chosen to deliver the keynote speech at 


the 1984 convention: "Ortega wasn't chosen because 
she's a woman. She was chosen because 


she's not a man. 
she's unbelievably knowledgeable about the economy. 
she's a Hispanic 


PR 5. How did Jimmy Carter refer to former VP Hubert 
| Horatio Humphrey at the 1980 Democratic convention? 
"Hubert Horatio Alger. 
Hubert Horatio Hornblower 


rt Humbert. 


PRP 6. Which Republican told NBC's Maria Shriver, 
| "We are America. These other people are not America"? 


luchanan at the 1992 convention. 
92 


Culture warrior P. 
Party chairman Richard Bond in 19 
Nominee Bob Dole in 1996. 


m 7. In which state did George McGovern's 1972 acceptance 
| speech run live in prime time? 


York 


omia 


PR 8. What bizarre promise did Walter 
| Mondale make in accepting the 1984 
Democratic nomination? 


e dr 


To reinst 


To appoin 
або! 


E FES 


PR 11. What was the big story of the 1980 GOP convention 
in Detroit? 


Ronald Reagan tried to persuade former president Gerald 
Ford to be his running mate. 

George Bush sulked when he thought he'd been passed 
over for the vice presidential nomination. 

No delegates were murdered. 
PRR 12. At the 1968 GOP convention in Miami, what did 
Richard Nixon say would differentiate his campaign 
from his losing 1960 effort? 


“This time we're going to win.” 

"This time l'm going to shave before the debates. 
“This time 
my running mate 
is going to be 
a bribe-taking 

cretin.” 


ppm 13. What did 
Ronald Reagan's 


supporters ha £ 
do when it THE TRICKSTER 
became clear 

he had lost —— 

the 1976 


Republican nomination? 


On a signal from the podium, they took off their 
buttons and put on Ford buttons 

They walked out of the convention in protest. 

They blew on long plastic horns, making horrible cowlike 
noises for three quarters of an hour. 


14. What happened mere hours before 

Clinton accepted the nomination 

at the 1996 Democratic convention 
in Chicago? 


He and Hillary got into à 
fight that ended when she threw 
a cup at him and narrowly 
missed his nose. 
His chief advisor, Dick Morris, 
resigned after his relationship with a 
prostitute was revealed. 
He got a blow job from Moni 


a Lewinsky 


һә 16. How did Barry 
Goldwater explain 

his choice of party 
chairman William Miller 
as his running mate 

at the 1964 Republican 
convention in 

San Francisco? 


“He's thi 
most qualified man 
1 could find." 


He seemed to really want it.” 
"He bugs [Lyndon] Johnson.” 


PR 17. What did Lyndon Johnson say to Hubert 
Humphrey before announcing him to the 1964 Democratic 
convention in Atlantic City as his running mate? 


"Miller bugs me. You deal with him.” 
you didn't know you were going to be vice 
president a month ago, maybe you're too damn 
dumb to have the office. 

“Just you remember, I've got your balls in my pocket, 
so don't make me crush 'em." 


18. Which first-lady-to-be tripped and fell while go- 
ing to her seat at the 1980 Republican convention? 


Barbara Bush. 
Laura Bush. 


cy Reagan. 


19. What event shared the banner headlines announcing 
the 1984 nomination of Walter Mondale? 


The discovery of a polyp in Ronald Reagan's intestine. 
The death of a famous proponent of the health 
benefits of running, caused by a heart attack he suffered 


jogging. 
The slaughter of 21 people in a San Diego McDonald's. 


20. At the 2000 Republican convention in Philadelpl 
who marveled at the absurd spectacle of the crowd 
“rooting for the goof-off son of the fired boss to get 
the big job"? 


@ Maureen Dowd. 
© Jon Stewart. 
© John McCain. 


MR. FAKE NEWS 


21. At the 1964 Repub- 
lican convention, what 
epithet did a rabid female 
Goldwater supporter shout 
at the recently divorced 
and remarried governor 
Nelson Rockefeller? 


Ө “You lousy loser!” 
© “You lousy liberal!” 
Ө “You lousy lover!” 


22. What insults did 

Gore Vidal and William 
F. Buckley Jr. exchange 
while covering the 1968 Democratic convention on ABC? 


© “Crypto Nazi" and “queer.” 
© "Sesquipedalian fascist” and “flaming faggot.” 
@ “Stinkpot” and "pooh-pooh heat 
> 23. What faux pas did Ronald 
Reagan commit at the 1988 
Republican convention? 


@ He meant to say 

“Facts are stubborn things,” 

> but it came out “Facts are 

stupid things.” 

37] © Barbara Bush, he said 

> near an open mike, “looks 

T || more like George's mother 
than his wife.” 

> @ Referring to George Bush's 

declaration "Read my lips! 

No new taxes,” he told ABC's 

Sam Donaldson, "Its kind of funny 

because George barely has any lips.” 


PRR 24. After his official nomination in 1988, how did an 
exuberant Michael Dukakis react? 


THE JELLY-BEAN MAN 


© He bounded around the room, kissing and hugging all in sight. 
@ He pumped his fist and shoute d 
(Өне waved away a glass of champagne. 


What did Dukakis do after the 1988 


Democratic convention ended? 
@ He squandered his surge in popularity by taking a long 
spond to vi 


cation and failing to 


PPP 26. What did Richard Nixon reminisce about in 
1968 acceptance speech? 


@ Breaking into his law school dean's office to find 
out his grades. 

‘© Driving Pat to and from her dates with other men. 
Ө Hearing distant trains from his childhood bed. 


> 28. At the 1968 Democratic convention, which reporter 
who was forcibly removed by security personnel signed 
off by saying he was “somewhere in custody"? 


© Dan Rather. 
Ө John Chancellor. 
Ө Mike Wallace. 


> 29. What did Nancy Reagan say was her husband's 
criterion for picking his 1980 running mate? 


© "Anyone but that simpering 

sh fellow! 

© “The one who can eat the most 
jelly beans.” 

© “Someone who's already been 
ident and vice president but 
ted to neither post.” 


30. At the 1988 Republican 
convention, a newspaper reporter 
asked George W. Bush, “When 
you're not talking about politics, 
what do you and your father talk 
about?” What did he answer? 


all” 
|, sometimes it’s about getting his friends to bail 

me out of another business fiasco, and sometimes it's about 
what a sadistic little prick | am. 


“You did Shakespeare in the park? Well, last week 
I did him in the barn.” 


oll Face is what the clos- 

est of Kayla Collins's 

friends call her, but that 

hasn't freed her from the 

burden of working for 
her daily bread, or ice cream, "I've. 
worked at ice cream shops since | 
was 14,” she says, which has given 
her certain insights into what her 
customers prefer. “I'm sure men had 
fantasies about their little Friendly's 
waitress,” she says. "Now I'm going 
to confirm them all.” 

The 21-year-old aspiring prop- 
erty flipper moved to California after 
three years at Penn State, “I'll prob- 
ably finish school out here because 
| love the beach and always wanted 
to live in California,” says Kayla, who 
grew up in Pennsylvania farm coun- 
try. “Everybody wore cowboy hats 
and drove pickup trucks to school.” 
A good student and a cheerleader, 
Kayla also danced for 11 years—tap, 
jazz, hip-hop and some ballet. “Every- 
body seems amazed by my flexibility, 
| can put my feet completely over my 
head, no problem." 

‘As you take a moment to file that 
image away forever in your long-term 
memory, let's recap: blonde, beautiful 
whipped-cream enthusiast and 
marvel. No wonder Playmate 
scout extraordinaire Holly Madison 
encouraged Miss August to try out. "I 
added her as a friend on MySpace, and 
she sent me a message," says Kayla. 

| just wanted to come out and meet 

her, and it turned into taking some 
Polaroids, doing a test shoot and tap- 
ing an episode of The Girls Next Door. 
| wrote in my friend's school yearbook, 
You'll see me in the pages of pLavBoy,' 
It's really cool because I'm living out 
my dream.” Kayla had modeled pre- 
viously but never posed nude until 
now. “І look better naked than in lin- 
gerie," she says. Her boyfriend would 
urely agree...if she had one, “I'd love 
to be in a relationship. There are so 
many guys in L.A., but where are the 
good ones? I haven't found my soul 
mate yet, but | think there is one per- 
son you're supposed to be with. I'm a 
hopeless romantic. 


Cozy UP To 


Miss August 
is single 
and sizzling 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY ARNY FREYTAG 


oo 
See more.of M 
if 


PLAYMATE DATA SHEET 


NAME: Kayla Collins 
BUST: IS warsr: 24 - HIPS _ 34 _ 
васит: 52" weicht: 105 


BIRTH MEE аа аа Reading, TA 
AMBITIONS : Te Бинг my carters in mudehng and acting, eene a. 
hast of ТУ show or maybe the next St Pauli Girl sFokesmadel. t 
товн-онв: КОП sonality i 

¡de inde smi nd bo ses! 
TURNOFFS : ‚bad er and cockiness. Someone Who 
wert give me my an in the. beginning Га relationship 
PEOPLE І 1001128: М 
A GUILTY PLEASURE OF MINE: p 4 Jerry's Chery Garcia Low fat 

UM iL 

WHAT I MISS MOST ABOUT PENNSYLVANIA: Th Seasons. 
IF I HAD MORE TIME I WOULD: Answer all m fan mail on MySpace! 


MY FAVORITE OUTDOOR ACTIVITY: Anything at involves Sunshine! 
Ini 


FIVE TV PROGRAMS I TRY TO САТСН: L 


ills, MTY Crib ie Girl and Frison Brea 


day... 1а years old in 
ОА е u n aa заа, РА. 


in the sunroom. MMM, ice cream! TS animals +! 


WATCH MISS AUGUST'S VIDEO DATA SHEET AT PLAYBOYCOMPLAYMATES. 


PLAYBOY’S PARTY JOKES 


As his last action in the White House, lame- 
duck president George W. Bush will mandate 
that all gas stations play porn at the pump so 
you can see someone else getting screwed the 
same time you are 


A gay man had stopped for a red light when 
he was rear-ended by a big 18-wheeler 

The furious man left his car, walked back to 
the truck and started screaming, “I'm going 
to sue you!” 

The truck driver said, "Blow mı 

The gay man stopped fora second and then 
said, “So you want to settle out of court?” 


An executive had to take a business trip over- 
seas, so he entrusted his assistant with the job 
of keeping an eye on his wife. If anything out 
of the ordinary should occur, the assistant was 
10 notify him immediately 

After a week with no contact, the business- 
man received an e-mail that read, “The man 
who comes to visit your wife every night didn't 
show up yesterd 


My doctor says if I don't give up sex, ГШ be 
dead in a week,” a man told his friend 

Why is that?” the friend asked. 

“Because,” the man replied 
around with his wife.” 


та playing 


Í think we should go dutch,” a woman said to 
her date. “You pay for dinner and the movie, 
and the rest of your night can be on me.” 


Two big-shot lawyers hired a secretary from a 
small town in the hills. She was attractive but 
obviously knew nothing about city life. 

“She’s so young and pretty she may be 
taken advantage of by some of those fast- 
talking city guys,” one attorney said to the 
other. “Why don't we teach her what's right 
and what's wrong?" 

"Great idea,” said the partner. “You teach 
her what's right. 


Why do 


left bres 
Because 99 percent of guys are right-handed 


99 percent of girls have a bigger 


The only time politicians tell the truth is 
when they call each other liars. 


А. a man entered a bar to meet a friend he 
noticed two pretty girls looking at him 
ine,” one whispered. 
Feeling pleased with himself, he swaggered 
wer to his buddy and reported that a girl had 
just rated him a nine out of 10. 

“I don't want to ruin it for you,” his friend 
said, “but when I walked in they were speak- 
ing German.” 


What do you call two hookers who testify 
n behalf of their pimp? 
Support hos. 


A man was talking to a woman in a bar. “I 
have a 10-inch cock,” he boasted 

Well,” she answered, “I find that hard to 
swallow. 


A blonde and a brunette were standing in an 
elevator. A man with dandruff walked in. The 
brunette said, “Somebody needs to give him 
some Head & Shoulders.” 

The blonde asked, “How do you give 
shoulders? 


A woman visited a psychiatrist. “I am a ny 
phomaniac,” she said. “Can you help me 
“Yes,” he replied. “But my fee is $200 an 
hour: 
“Okay,” she said. "How much for all night? 


Two tipsy Irishmen were in a cemetery, 
searching for the oldest person buried there. 
One of the men yelled out, “Here's a fella who 
died when he was 145 years old! 
"What was his name?” asked the other 
The first responded, “Miles, from Dublin.” 


Send your jokes to Party Jokes Editor, PLAYBOY, 
730 Fifth Avenue, New York, New York 10019, or 
by e-mail through our website at jokes. playboy.com. 
PLAYBOY will pay $100 to the Generator ose 
submissions are selected. 


“Mommy, Mommy—Skippy's found Daddy!” 


3050 Peck 


A YOUNG STAR GRADUATES FROM SNEAKERS 
TO SUITS FOR HIS BREAKOUT FILM 


The perilous road between children's television and the big screen 
seldom ends at the superstar level of a Shia LaBeouf. Fortunately for 

ar-old Josh Peck, he had a knight at his side as he sought the 
career-longevity grail. Sir Ben Kingsley co-stars with Peck in The 


Wackness, an indie flick about the relationship between a small-time 
pot dealer (Peck) and a depressed psychiatrist (Kingsley) in 19905 
New York City. According to Peck, the Oscar-winning actor was his 
biggest supporter. "The first time | met Sir Ben,” says Peck, “he 

ked up to me, gave me a hug and said, ‘You didn't choose this 
part: this part chose you: " As his Nickelodeon tween vehicle Drake c- 
Josh disappears in the rearview mirror, Peck's style is maturing too, 
even if he isn't always the one calling the shots. "I let the females in 
my life take control of big fashion choices,” says the native New 
Yorker. “Sneakers are the only decision | still make, These days they're 
either Nikes or Bathing Apes. I'm up to about 40 or 50 pairs!” 


2 


“ІЕ МҮ ҒЕ 
WERE THE SA 
AS ME, I WO 
KNOW WHAT 
WITH MYSEL 


by JOHN VARVATOS STAR 
GEOFFREY BEENE. 


SCHOTT, t($ JOHN 


ARMANI JEANS. 


ELMA 
LAIR 


a1 


PLAYBOY: You've starred in movies like Legally 
Blonde, The Fog and Hellboy but how does it 
feel knowing fans would love nothing better 
than to see you kiss Sarah Michelle Gellar again 
the way you do In Cruel Intentions? 

BLAIR: It's insane how big an impression 
that kiss has made. It's the one thing people 
remember me for No matter what thelr age, 
they say, "Oh my God, you're that girl from 
Cruel Intentions who kissed Sarah Michelle 
Gellar" I'm flattered, | think it was the first 
girl-on-girl kiss in a popular mainstream 
American fllm, so it broke the door down. 


Q2 
PLAYBOY: Ina short story you wrote for the 
erotic anthology Stirring Up a Storm, the 
main character enjoys sexual thoughts about. 
a beautiful young woman she happens to 
see one day. Arewe detecting a trend here? 
BLAIR: The assignment was to write an 
erotic story, and | don't have an erotic bone 
in my body, so | thought, Just go the eirl-on- 
girl way. Now that | think of it, though, | have 
done three girl-on-gitl kisses on-screen—Cruel 
Intentions and Feast of Love, and | just fin- 
ished Driving Lessons, in which | kiss а young, 
girl. | didn’t realize | had done so much les- 
bian exploration, yet I've never done any in 
my real life. Gay women do hit on me a lot, 


though. When lesbian friends tell me they're 
in lovewith me after our friendship has been 
cemented, it always shocks me. Why would 
theythinkl'm gay, except maybe because I'm 
open, loving and don't mind gayness at all? 


аз 

PLAYBOY: You just said-jokingly, we hope- 
you don't havean erotic bone in your body. We 
beg to differ. Don't you think you're sexy? 
BLAIR: | do feel like a sexual being but not 
especially when compared with other peo- 
ple. While | was making The Sweetest Thing 
with Cameron Diaz and Christina Apple- 
gate, І felt like a different species. They're 
such girlie girls~adorable, endearing, typi- 
cal blonde, beautiful-figured women- 
whereas I'm a brunette tomboy. I'm kind of 
missing the gene that immediately endears 
people to me, but that's okay. 


24 
PLAYBOY: You've done offbeat movies 
like Storytelling and others like Cruel 
Intentions that enjoy a huge cult follow- 
ing. But what movie plays closest towhat 
it’s like inside your head? 
BLAIR: Cruel Intentions holds up after all 
these years, so it's okay to have it as a guilty 
pleasure. It paved the way for everything on 


TV now. It opened people up to how good 
teenage stories can be. But sadly, inside my 
head it's more like Woody Allen's Interiors or 
Bob Rafelson's Five Easy Pleces- lonely mov- 
ieswith strong imagery and something little 
off І don't have a lat of the teen-genre spirit 
in me, which is funny because that's pretty 
much all [ve been playing the past 10 years 


Qs 

PLAYBOY: A Dirty Shame, which John 
Waters directed, strays pretty far fram the 
teen genre. Do you know there are Internet 
threads debating whether your freakishly 
massive breasts in that movie are real? 

BLAIR: | remember some people were 
shocked when they thought | would disfig- 
ure myself like that for a movie. | thought, 
People are daft. | mean, those breasts are 
gargantuan, Hideous. Nobody would find 
themattractive-well okay, maybe two peo- 
ple out there would be fascinated by them. 
No, | wouldn't do that to myself in real life. | 
remain the flattest woman in Hollywood 


a6 
PLAYBOY: Growing up, how did you deal 
with the crap you must have been handed 
for being named Selma? 

BLAIR: I've always (concluded on page 110) 


91 


hen it comes to the summ r attention like the ol 
W the world—the flat-out spri o eed. The winners of the 100-, 
400-meter races will be hailed as the fastest humans alive. Their performances will last mere 


seconds, yet these bursts of speed are built on years upon years of preparation. 
Beginning in late 2006 I was privileged to observe several of the world's greatest sprinters to examine their phi- 
losophy, training and motivation. I studied the solitary strategy employed by Jeremy Wariner, along with the team 


f e p unravel the mysterious code of speed. My search 
took me to Los Angel 


sas, where I stood before the church where Maur 
Greene first raced, in his Sunday best. Along the way I came to understand the science and nature of what is behind 


those few explosive seconds you see оп TV—the rigorous training and coaching it takes to run for the gold. 


e 


94 


all 2006. Fog has 
given way to hazy 
sunshine this first day 
= of November, open- 
ing practice in a new 
season for one of the 
greatest pools of genetically blessed 
athletes on the planet, The setting is the 
tattered West Los Angeles College track. 
By chance, the football field is crowded 
with more than 100 men in prison-gray 
shirts, trying out for the Arena Football 
League team the Los Angeles Avengers. 
But no one would confuse these foot- 
ball players with the elegant creatures 
winding their way around the track. They 
walk the tum—a dozen men, a handful of 
women—and then take flight. 

Hair flecked with gray, John Smith is 
а commanding coach, The tall, trim 56- 
year-old maves with the pride of a man 
whose world record in the 440-yard 
dash Is now in its 37th year, Though 
there is warmth in the lean contours of 
his brown face, his eyes can burn. 
Impeccably attired in fashionable ath- 
letic wear, Smith takes a seat on a ledge 
by the track under the shade of some 
pines, ministering to his fresh-faced 
sprint disciples. He gestures to the 
entrance. "When you walk through there, 
this is your utopia. You are able to create 
whatever you want,’ he says. He presses 
closer. "Your smallest focus is your 
greatest freedom. Everything we'll talk 
about has nothing to do with anything 
but life. It is all the same.” 

It's hard not to gawk. Sheathed in thick 
sweats stands the rock-hard Maurice 
Greene, the 2000 Olympic gold medalist 
and 2004 silver medalist, a man who once 
lowered the world record in the 100 
meters by the biggest margin since the 
advent of electronic timing: one half of one 
tenth of a second, to 9.79. His head rolls 
playfully with his hips as he jokes with a 
teammate, a diamond stud flashing in his 
ear, His sculpted face is punctuated by 
hooded eyes and high cheekbones, and he 
moves with the sleepy, muscular sway of 
alion. Tattooed on his bulging biceps is the 
acronym GOAT—Greatest of ALL Time. 
Already considered among the top two or 
three best sprinters in history, heis search- 
ing for one more Olympic triumph. For 
four years straight, Greene was ranked 
number one in the world in the 100 
meters. But he is 32. They say һе is fin- 
ished, He promises he will prove the 
naysayers wrong at the Olympics. 

This morning I get the chance to wit- 
ness a rare thing in sports. Smith's 
troupe is an ongoing experiment, a olas- 
sic team approach to this most individ- 


ual of sports. Smith is the coach and 
spiritual center of HSInternational, 
nicknamed Handling Speed Intelli- 
gently, a soup-to-nuts southern 
California-based sports-management 
firm founded by Smith and the agent 
Emanuel Hudson. HST trains and repre- 
sents nearly two dozen elite profes- 
sional sprinters and hurdlers (plus a 
handful of football and tennis players). 
Smith's athletes have won at least 13 
gold, 10 silver and 10 bronze Olympic 
medals and 14 world championships. 
Of the roughly 350 sub-10 second 100- 
meter performances in history, Smith 
has coached more than 100 of them. 


break the huddle, every one of them 
some shade of brown. Smith and virtu- 
ally every other sprint coach believe the 
fastest humans originate in west Africa 
Studies have shown they have a far 
higher percentage of the muscle fibers 
necessary to sprint exceptionally fast. 
Just as the world's greatest long- 
distance runners (East Africans) are 
blessed with a high percentage of slow- 
twitch fibers, elite sprinters seem to 
have a far greater percentage of fast- 
twitch fibers, Fast-twitch muscle con- 
tracts faster and more forcefully. It's a 
gift of nature. 

"ALL right, let's go to work,” growls 


“I TOOK MY DEEP BREATH. FIREWORKS WERE GOING 
OFF INSIDE. I WAS THINKING, I CAN DO IT NOW!" 


(Greene alone has broken the vaunted 
barrier more than 50 times.) 

"Come on, everybody!" Smith hollers, 
the hard work about to begin. The runners 
huddle, heads bent, palms piling on top of 
one another. It is an eclectic mix. Here 
comes Leonard Scott, the barrel-chested 
former college football standout, a man 
with a stone jaw and a look of quiet 
determination who recently clocked a 
swift 9.91 in the 100. The gracefully 
shy, eaglelike Torri Edwards stands just 
five-foot-four, an elegant woman with a 
100-meter world-champion title on her 
resume, Hollywood-cool Willie Gault, 
the blazingly fast former Chicago Bear and 
sprint star, serves as a friend and mentor 
to these athletes. At 46, Gault can still 
keep pace with them in practice. 

The sprinters release their hands and 


Smith, describing his intensive skipping 
and high-knee drills, nearly 20 runs of 
20 meters each. These movements 
serve as the foundation for world-class 
performances. If a sprinter Is dedi- 
cated, in a few years he or she may 
begin to master them and unlock the 
secrets of speed. You can't rush this 
journey. Perhaps more than any other 
element in the Smith method, these 
exercises are the indispensable first 
stage if you want to be fast, Along with 
the essential body position and move- 
ment, the drills teach the art of shifting 
smoothly, or as Smith puts it, anticipat- 
ing the “perfect clutch moment” 

After the drills, the sprinters will run 
nine 100-meter turnarounds: striding for 
100 meters, turning around and strid- 
ing again. (continued on page 115) 


“Pm looking for a straight shooter.” 


PLAYBOY FASHION 


WHETHER IT'S IN A MANHATTAN BOARDROOM 
OR A BULL-RIDING ARENA, A SPORTS COAT OVER 
JEANS IS A CLASSIC WINNER'S CHOICE 


phy by antoine vergla: 


Brazillan-born phenom, 

has been a top earner on the PBR tour for the past three 

years, And when he's not busting them, Marchi is cooking 
them, thanks to hi » Grill Marchi in Dalla: 


Marchi's jacket (5525) is by HASPEL. His bu 
are by WRANGLER. His pocket 


is by PENDLETON. His PBR jeans ($40) 
5 by SEAWARD & STEARN OF LONDON. 


> > 


ame back 
th 


CAN'T TELL А MULEY FROM A BUCKLE BUNNY? 
BRUSH UP ON YOUR BULL-RIDING LINGO 


BUCKLE BUNNY n 


BULLFIGHTER n 


EI 
GUILHERME MARCHI 


CHUTE n 


COVER v 


GOLD BUCKLE n 


HONEST BULL n 
KISS THE BULL y 


MULEY n 


RANK adj 
SEE DAYLIGHT y 


SHORT 60 n 


J.B. MAUNEY 


STICKY adj 


TRY п 


UNION BULL n 


Mauney's jacket ($3,995) and shirt ($425) are by ISATA. 
His PBR jeans (540) are by WRANGLER, and his pocket square ($85) 
is by SEAWARD & STEARN OF LONDON. 


р! 
» 


Inn Motel and spent 
itting upri k 
and staring at the w 
vatching her breathe. gently he lifted 
all the way down. 
2 "те an Indian.” 
oman didn't 


carried h г ki Be- 
i "cell 


giu out of the toilet t it on top of the tank. 
5 dn't told him her 


unfamiliar y 
He came out 
on th: 
one ha 
With the other hand she held up a credit c. 
this?" 
“Wow u tell me.” 


“Well, it’ 
En 


ILLUSTRATION BY JEFFREY SMITH 


100 


SHE FLASHED A SMILE THAT WOULD HAVE BLOWN 
THE DOORS OFF JESUS CHRIST. 


“Jimmy Luntz.” 
"Who's Ernest Gambol?" 
“Gambol is a great big a 

hole." 

“As big an asshole as you?" 
“Bigger. Just my opinion." 
“In my opinion, the asshole 


is the one who steals the 
wallet." 
"The thing about a gun," 


Luntz said, “is it 
go off." 

“I'm not 
you." 

“I'm talking 
other gun." 

"What other gun?" 

"The one I shot Gambol with.” 

She closed her knees togeth- 
er and dropped Ganbol's Ameri- 
can Express and took hold of 
the blanket and pulled it over 
her crotch. “Now it's pointing 
at you." 

"You don't have to tell me. 
That's all I can look at, is 
that gun." 

"That's what I thought у; 
terday. I saw you at the Feath- 
er River, remember? I thought, 
Hey, that guy has a gun. Then— 
sploosh. No more gun." 

^I saw you, too." 

She aimed her weapon at him 
a long time without speaking. 
She stood up. Luntz stepped 
backward until his shoulders 
collided with the wall. 

With her purse in one hand 
and her gun in the other she 
headed for the can and shut 
the door behind her. The lock 
clicked. Luntz heard the 
shower start. He let the air 
out of his lung. 

He lit up and smoked half 
a Camel, inhaling smoke with 
every breath. 

With the cigarette clamped 
in his lips he went on his 
hands and knees and pulled 
Ganbol's white duffel bag from 
under the bed and opened it. 
He found his last clean set of 
socks and underwear. He didn't 
touch Gambol's shotgun. 

He got on his socks and 
shorts and opened his door 
and tossed the last burning 
inch of his cigarette into 


can just 
pointing it at 


about this 


the parking lot and observed 
a county squad car pulling up 
to the motel's office. A green 
Caprice, mid-'90s. 

Luntz sat on the bed and 
wrapped himself in his own 
arms and closed his eyes and 
sat there shaking his head. 

As soon as the knocking came 
he started for the door, but 
three feet short of it he 
stopped. He cleared his throat 
and said, "Who is ii 
heriff's deputy." 

Two seconds." 

Luntz put his hand on the 
doorknob and bowed his head 
and waited for a thought that 
didn't arrive. Four more 
knocks. He opened the door 
and said, “Good morning!" to 
a young guy in uniform. 

*Good morning. Mr. 
lin, right? How are yoi 

"Me?" Luntz said. 
and bette 

"That's good. Do you know any- 
thing about a Cadillac parked 
over there at the airstrip? 

“No. A Cadillac?” 

“There’s a Cadillac Brougham 
parked over there, and Mr. 
Nabilah tells me you checked 
in without a car.” 

“Me? Yeah. No. I mean, that's 
right. Who's Mr. Nabilah?" 

“The manager. He thought 
it might be your Caddy over 
there." 

"Right. Oh. Yeah 

"And it looks like blood on 
the left rear tire, lotta blood. 
Did you maybe hit a dog?" 

“No. It's not my car. I 
don't have a car." 

"There's a hole in the left 


Frank- 


rear quarter panel. Looks 
like a bullet hole." 
"For goodness sake," Luntz 


said. 

“Can I see some ID?" 

“ID? Sure. Gee. Where's my 
pants?" 

At that moment Anita came 
out of the bathroom wrapped 
in a towel, her black hair 
slicked back, and flashed a 
smile that would have blown 
the doors off Jesus Christ. 
“Deputy Rabbit!" 


“That's me," the deput 
said, and then—"Oh. Mrs...” 

ight, it's still Mrs 
Desilvera," she said. "For 


six more months." 

"Oh, right," the deputy said, 
“that’s your Camaro out there. 
I mean, it looked like it. I 
mean—yeah. That's your car." 
He turned to look at her car, 
hich was parked sideways across 
three spaces behind hin. 


“All mine. Is there a 
problem?” 
“No problem, I was j 


checking about th 
there at the ai 
body claims it, 
get it towed.” 

“Tow it to the moon,” Luntz 
said. “It ain’t my car.” 

“He’s with me,” Anita said. 

“Okay, that clears things 
up a little. Thanks.” 

“Glad to help,” Anita said. 
“Can I get dressed?” 

"That's fine," the deputy 
said. 

“are you going to watch?” 

“Oh!” he said and laughed. 
“All righty. Have a nice day, 
folks.” 

Luntz said, “You too," and 
shut the door in his face 
and sat down on the bed. 

Anita dropped her towel and 
stepped into her skirt. Luntz 
stared at her breasts. 

She got her bra fastened. 
“That was Deputy Rabbit.” 

“Maybe his first name is 
Jack, huh?" 

“Deputy Rabbit conducted my 
firearms training class.” 

“You actually have a carry 
permit or something?” 

“I did. But it's revoked.” 
She found her blouse on the 
floor. “Deputy Rabbit was 
talking about your Caddy.” 

“It’s not my Caddy.” 

“It was your Caddy when 1 
you throw that gun in the 
Feather River.” 

“I just borrowed it.” 

“The gun? Or the car?” 

“Both.” 

“What did you say your name 
was?” 

(con 


s Caddy out 
trip. If no- 
I'll have to 


ued on page 125) 


Missing? 


WHERE'S 


Part, 
ЗМ pROWNINGL 96 UFECUARDZ, 


AN) \ 
HOARY 
үң каміне! 
os й 
\ ў 


E REG 


101 


102 


By David Hochman 


he news out of the French Open in May wasn't all bad 
for Ashley Harkleroad. Although America's fourth- 
ranked female player was eliminated by Serena Wil- 
liams, she still dominated the news when the story 
leaked that she had become the first professional tennis 
player to pose for PLAYBOY 
The blonde, blue-eyed Ashley is five-foot-five, petite and 
possessed of a sweetness acquired while growing up in small- 
town Georgia. “I'm just a normal girl," she says with a gentle 
shrug and the slightest of drawls. Wearing stretchy workout 
gear, she sips an energy drink at the juice bar of her fitne: 
club, near her house on the beach in Malibu. "Other girls on 
the tour have arms like tree trunks. But I'm just me 
To which we say, ‘Advantage Harkleroad.” Ever since Ashley 
showed up at the 2001 U.S. Open at the age of 16, with along 
ponytail and a midriff-baring two-piece Nike outfit, the media 
have likened her to an American Anna Kournikova. But Ashley, 
now 23, is her own woman. “People put expectations on me 
because of how | look,” she says, “but you can't think about 
what people say. You just have to do your thing 
And that's working just fine. Earlier this year Ashley swept two 
key matches against Germany at the Fed Cup, then beat a 
top-15 competitor to close in on her goal of reaching the top 25 
in the world (at press time she ranked 61st). “People took inter- 
est in Ashley at first because she's so good-looking and dresses 
sharp, and they called һега (text concluded on page 137) 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY ARNY FREYTAG 


LOVE, 


ani 
pones 


% y 


піў 
M 


PLAYBOY 


110 


SELMA BLAIR 


(continued from page 91) 
thought of it as an old woman's name, so I 
demanded that everyone call me Blair. In 
high school, when people found out my 
name was Selma, they'd call me things like 
Smell-ma or Salmonella. That stuff basi- 
cally came from friends, and I never really 
had any enemies, so І just kind of smiled 
through it, I still don't like my name. It 
does not fall prettily off the tongue. In fact, 
it's hideous, My middle name is James, 
and I like to be called that 


Q7 
PLAYBOY: What sort of kid were you? 
BLAIR: Creative, artistic, always drawing and 
writing. Going to school, I dressed differ- 
ently every day so І couldn't be categorized. 
Like, one day I'd dress like an equestrian— 
very strange. My mom gave me a neck: 
when I was six; on one side was a sm 
face, and on the other was a frowning face. 
She'd have me flip over the necklace to 
suit my mood. She introduced me to her 
friends as her little manic-depressive child. 
My home life came out of a movie by Wes 
Anderson—too stylized to be believed. 


ов 
TLAYBOY, Speaking of Anderson, is he on the 
list of directors you would love to work with? 
BLAIR: A long time ago І dated Jason 
Schwartzman, who is in Rushmore, so I've 
met Wes, but 1 dont think he was taken with 
me. І could definitely see being in onc of his 
stories, and I would love to be. Eve prayed io 
work with Roman Polanski, 1 wish І could've 
been in Bitter Moon, exploring that workd of 
heartbreak with him. Whenever Tm in Paris 
Т sce him in restaurants, but Гуе never met 
him. I keep meaning to write him a letter, 
but Fd just come off lke a stalker 


Q9 

PLAYBOY: Did you always want to become 
an actress? 

BLAIR: І started at a great small private school 
in Michigan, Кі ао Callos where І 
had a photography scholarship and was 
introduced to theater. I transferred to the 
University of Michigan, where I majored in 
photography. When I moved to New York, 
1 didn't know whether I'd pursue photogra- 
phy or acting, but I would lock myself in the 
darkroom for 12 hours at a time. It turned 
out it was harder to make money as a pho- 
tographer than asan actress. 


ото 
PLAYBOY: Describe some of your photo- 
graphs 

BLAIR: I didn't have many models I was com- 
fortable asking to pose for me, so I did a lot 
of self-portraits. But І didn’t want them to 
look as if they were of me, so I made myself 
up like Magritte's mother, who drowned 
herself and was supposedly found with her 
nightdress wrapped around her head. I 
took a bunch of self-portraits in that state 
and some very macabre, victim-y ones in 
which Г torn off my clothes, found a ditch 
at the side of the road and jumped in. 


ап 
PLAYBOY: Is it true you lost out on an 
carly acting job on Dawson's Creek that put 
another actress on the map? 
BLAIR: I had tested for the Joey role, and 
it came down to me, Katie Holmes and 
one other girl. Holmes got it fair and 
square. She hadn't done anything before 
that. I remember seeing her walk into the 
room and thinking, She is just the tallest 
girl. There's no way they'll give it to her. 
She won't even fit on camera, she's so tall 
"Then I ate my words. She was adorable. 


Q12 
PLAYBOY: In the first Hellboy movie, your pyro- 
kinetic character torches a lot of cool stuff, 
flirts with Hellboy and looks hot. Do you get 
to do more in Hellboy П: The Golden Army? 
BLAIR: In the first movie, Liz is very much 
a wounded litle girl coming to grips with 
whether Hellboy is her boyfriend or not 
In the new movie she’s more sure of her 
powers, She lives with Hellboy, they have 
lovers’ spats, and there's a lot of humor 
in that because of our superpowers—he's 
so strong, and I'm so fiery. Evil creatures 
come from the underworld to destroy 
Earth, and without spoiling it, I'm right 
along with Hellboy. Tm a part of the force 
and more of a superhero in this опе. 


сіз 
PLAYBOY: Did you have any trouble 
unleashing your inner butt kicker? 
BLAIR: The one note Guillermo del 
Toro—the director and writer—always 
had for me was “No, you're strong. You're 
strong!” 1 found it difficult to play a really 
strong woman once I had established her 
asa kind of child in the first movie. I hope 
it works. I'm in it a lot 


ота 

PLAYBOY: Have you ever had an erotic 
thought or two about Hellboy? 

BLAIR: Oh my God, yes. [laughs] 1 have such a 
huge crush on Hellboy. І find him very sexy 

find his body appealing. He hasa great phy- 
sique, and his personality and humor are 
really laid-back. Is funny because Гоп such 
good friends with Ron Perlman, and when he 
was in costume, І was always flirtatious, 
hanging onto Hellboy, touching him, holding 
and kissing him. When he'd take off his 
makeup at the end of the day, Fd be like, “Oh 
hey, old buddy, put your costume back on.” 


915 

PLAYBOY: А guy could get scorched being 
around your Hellboy character. Who 
should stay clear of you in real life? 

BLAIR: People who abuse animals or chil- 
dren or who throw cigarettes out in the 
canyons and paparazzi who take pictures 
of meat six in the morning when my face 
is still bloated from sleeping. Please, it 
takes a village to get me ready, Can't you 
wait until the village has put my face on? 


916 
TLAYBOY: The four years since Hellboy opened 
have been especially eventful for you, includ- 
inga marriage and subsequent divorce from 


Ahmet Zappa, a relationship with actor and 
model Matthew Felker and a reported rehab 
stay. Do you think those life experiences 
informed your performance in Hellboy IP? 
BLA: І was having a much harder time 
when we shot the first one, going through 
a terrible breakup and feeling like crying 
every day. It was appropriate that I played 
Liz as wounded. In this new one Liz is more 
confident and, of course, not only older but. 
ready to be in a relationship. І learned a lot 
in my marriage, and I remain friends with 
Ahmet. I'm so glad 1 married him, and Im 
o glad I divorced him, because he turned. 
out to be such a wonderful friend after the 
marriage. I didn't know someone could 
remain so loving after a certain type of lov- 
ing was gone. I'll probably be single for a 
very long time, because I don't want to get 
into something lightly. І cant repeat former 
patterns. І admit I know nothing. It's scary. 


Q17 

PLAYBOY: Do you want to say anything 
about the 2007 press reports that said 
you spent a month at the Promises rehab 
facility in Malibu 

BLAIR: It was written about, but it's some: 
thing I'm not prepared to talk about. 


ais 
PLAYBOY: How big of a bummer is it to 
have to see a famous ex in a magazine or 
оп TV, dating someone new? 

BLAIR: It's very difficult. I p 1 don't 
run into my ex-boyfriends around town. 
1 wish they'd move back to where they 
came from in the Midwest or someplace 
T don't want to see them on billboards or 
in magazines, It’s heartbreaking, I'm very 
sensitive, and it's hard for me 


Q19 

PLAYBOY; What is the most absurd thing the 
tabloid press has printed about you lately? 
BLAIR: That Kevin Federline and I were dat- 
ing. People were asking me about it. [laughs] 
Oh yeah, it’s going really well. We're really 
happy. I'm pregnant. Seriously, that was 
strange. We had exchanged phone numbers 
at some place, but we didn’t even see each 
other on the night in question. Weird. 


920 

PLAYBOY: You're about to co-star with 
Molly Shannon on an American TV ver- 
sion of Kath & Kim, the hit Australian 
comedy series about a dysfunctional 
mother-daughter relationship. 

BLAIR: І have long hair for the show, and 
I feel like a Mormon. Talk about Goth- 
looking. Thank God I play а brat who says 
whatever she wants, isn't the friendliest girl, 
is juvenile and dresses like she's 13—in uni 
corn hoodies, tight jeans and Ugg boots, 
It's a real comedy, very funny, bur a little 
daunting because everyone's so up in arms 
that we're going to ruin an Australian show. 
That's fine. I'm best as the underdog. 


Read the 21st question at playbay.com/2 Iq. 


“You boys don't give a girl a chance to pack much!” 


11 


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GET THE GIRL. 


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in the physical world. Scan one 
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be connected to a Web site to get 
more information (standard cellular 
Internet access rates apply). 


The Hornitos code on the other 
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codes, but need the software 


Go to mhornitostequila.com 
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озеп up. chill down and groove out 
but with a style all their 
dash of panache was attached (and in the 
end they also somchow assuredly got the 
uld later come, in exemplary 


fashion, the instructive brass plate affixed 
to his Chicago Playboy Mansion ballroom 
door—that notorious portal to highballing 
nonpareil—which exhorted, in Latin, sr 


NON OSCILLAS май TINTINNARE. (that is, “I you 
—like І needed t 


ys, would 


don't swi 
tell y 
be onc 


The message, for a 


bona fide projected self-reflection. 
As carly editorial deputy Ray 
put it, "Remember that 
very much like our rea 
not overeducated, hip, fond 
material things like snazzy cars, plush apar 
n well. We liked that. We 
did not manufacture a phony 
re. We spoke the same la 
The plupe 
prom 
who “must see life not as 
man who—without 


re were you 
rs— educated but 


noney and 


xt playboy, according to 195 


vale of tears...a 


r dilenante—can live life to 
ally, then, an upbeat, unaf 


of voluptuary 
the hilt.” Ba 
fected customer whose jazzy shrug was the 
envy of all other shoulders. The flip side of 
that platter was, as Hef later conjured it, a 
for job 


drone's blind c 
onfor 


promise: "setti 


ent, if you will, a very selec 
af the Playboy Cool: In the 

beginning, please note, there is only existen 

tial tim 

lly c 

arries no di 


Dig for a m 
tive chiaroscur 


ssness. This, at least, seems ephem. 


weyed via the y 


as in month or year) anc 


thus instills no unwanted hurry. (In truth, 
a cautious Big Daddy was uncertain there'd 
be a second issue, but still—how Zen!) Fit- 


tingly, an ice bucket (stainless steel, coated in 
unborn calfskin, $58) is the very first prod- 
uct recommended to readers, Volume On 
Number One. First food f Plea: 
the Oyster (wink, nudge). From the filth issue 
an enthusiast in Ames, Iowa writes to the edi- 
tors, “Well, Dad, if you keep up the fine job 
you'll have us all flippin’. It really is the most 
he least. Keep cool.” Early Party Joke 
friend informs us that the best way 
IF a cat's tail is to repossess his 


es of 


to 
A 


^ Per those quiet discussion: 
Picasso provides the illustration f 
1957 Ray Bradbury short story ab 
obsessed with Picasso. Within 
Large Picasso masterwork Fr 
(Girl sleeping nude”) adorns the Ch 
Mansion fireplace. (Chicago Daily News: “It 
hangs just about 10 feet frc 
Hefner toy—a huge Tworkov pai 
rises at the touch of a butte 

color TV sets”) First two personality-} 
subjects, in issues seven and nine: reneg 
individualist Orson Welles and Frank Lloyd 
Wright. Per mixing up cocktails: the August 
1954 feature By Juniper! A Tall Gin Drink Will 


Make Her Cool and Cooperative. Artist LeRoy 
Neiman (a Hef discovery and forever urbane 
contributor who also fathered the Party Jokes 

Femlin nymphet) creates an iconic 
e of a lean, lank, sharp-suited natty 
yr the painless primer The Well-Dressed 
(January 1955), with tips for the 
reader that will prove “as dependable as his 
favorite bartender.” (Same Neiman natty cat 
becomes ubiquitous symbol in the magazine 


and in a promotion that states with casual 
aloofness, “Tm not worried about tomorrow. 
Tm living паа”) Memorable, lessthan-vague 
dance from Formal Forecast: The Return to 
January 1958): “Now we said black 
Not midnight blue, not maroon, not burnt 
ochre. Just black. Black looks and feels right 
(Black would later also look and feel right 
as the sleek shade with which Hef cooled 
his jel—i.e., the famous cavernous ebony- 
painted private DC-9 aircraft christened The 
Bunny, i.e. “my flying apartment," luxuri- 
antly festooned with seat-belted bed, shower, 


dance floor, wide-screen movie projection, et 
al.) In-house ads debut іп 1956, for ceramic 
black-and-white Rabbit Head cul links (“Мо 
jewelry collection is complete without a pair 

send $4), which will telegraph ап unspoken 
bond among like-minded prowling sybarites. 


Tan Fleming's James Bond, agent supreme 
f Deadly Cool, who first made the scene the 
very year rLaysoy did, becomes a regularly 
serialized character in the magazine starting 
in March 1960, begetting a near-symbiotic 
brand identification. “Bond's material 


world,” writes essayist Hine, “is a height 
ened version of that recommended to the 
PLAYBOY reader.” Thus it would follow that 
in future 007 films, for all posterity, Bond is 


seen suavely pagi 


g through the magazine 
and brandishing membership in the Lon: 
don Playboy Club and Gasino—where it s 
happened Frank Sinatra, aka, the eminent 
Leader of the Cool (and of the emblematic 
Rat Pack), had also shot part of his own 1967 
spy yarn, The Naked Runner and where, upon 
surveying the black-tied swells at gaming 
tables, bestowed the ever discerning rin 
ding benediction “Nice joint you got here 


And so it would go (practically ad infini- 
tum), especially with the nice joints and 
the ring-a-ding—a twain that dependably 
met and danced to а pure-jazz soundtrack 
unending, Proper cribs, in pLavnoY ethos 
bopped merely from wall to wall, tempe 
TBD. “A far-out musician friend,” went 
one After Hours item in April 1958 
informed us that he had just moved into 


new digs. ‘You are invited, man,’ said the 
cat, ‘to attend my housecooling party 
tomorrow night” Jazz, to be sure, would 
never have a better friend or a bigger 
use (to blow the lid off of) than PLavaoy 
hich on arrival made itself the premier 
mecca for all professional hipsters (aspi- 
rants and audiophiles also real welcome) 
Indeed, the first genuine celebrity letter t 
the editor, published in May 1955, came 
from no less an approving Cool Jazz mas- 
ter than Dave “Take Five” Brubeck, who 
wrote a think piece of his own that ran 
three issues later. The annual epic Jazz 
Poll to elect the fantasy Playboy All-Star 
Jazz Band (which, for an annual stretch 


PLAYBOY 


114 


resulted in a four-sided Playboy Jazz All- 
Stars Album sampler) got up and Swinging 
in October 19 ig this ballot and vote”); 
for years onward all the famous nominees 
gratefully ate up the attention—Sammy 
Davis Jr. (whose pet Saint Bernard was 
named Playboy) started buying campaign 
ads in the magazine. Further, in 1952, 
there came quite likely the most splendif- 
crous gas ever staged in jivedom history, 
nearly insane in its celestial proportion 
and spread across one August weekend 
wherein 70,000 revelers at the Chicago 
Stadium beheld the first Playboy Jazz Fes- 
tival. The performing roster, indulgent 
past the brink of musical decad. 
Satchmo and Ella, Duke and Basie, Dizzy 
nd Cannonball, Bud and Pee Wee and 
Teagarden and Kenton and Brubeck and 
Rollins and Hawkins and Nina and 
Dakota—and, well, count up every great 
jazzbo you know of, then double the num- 
ber and keep going—and, but of course, 
there was the stone-sour crown prince of 
Gool, as in Miles Davis, who hated fests but 
did not miss this one (and who three years 
thence became the inaugural subject of 
what would be the magazine's weightiest 
institution—think of it, perchance, as the 
Birth of the Cool Playboy Interview—thereby 
conferring his frosted majesty on all such 
mega-inquisitions to come). Anyway, in 


fest aftermath, Variety duly reported, “Ye 
cats, there is a Santa Claus, and his name 
is Hugh Hefner.” 

And as for him, well, that particular аних 
coolibilis of 1959 would rank stratospheri- 
cally on his swelling tab of Very Good Years, 
during which other keen benchmarks also 
compounded. Seismically, he purchased a 
Chicago property that redefined the word 
mansion, knocking the stuffy out of it by eve 
tually transforming his new 70-room austere 
monolith into a Playhouse Valhalla trickily 
rigged for state-of-the-art hedonism—i.c., 
rotating round bed, sliding walls, secret pas- 
sageways, bowling alley, fire-pole plunge 10 
the underwater bar (which was under the 
pool, which was under the ballroom floor) 
with peekaboo trapdoors, automated ste- 
reophonic everything everywhere, сі ceter: 
plus Bunny dorms, This original urban 
pleasure dome was in part inspired by the 
similarly ingenious—if strikingly modern- 

¡—seven-page dream design for Playboy 
Weekend Hideaway, a canti ered waterfront 
retreat unveiled in the April issue (now 
admirably cited, vis-à-vis the Birth of the Cool 
catalog, as comparable to the revered Ап & 
Architecture portfolio of Case Study Houses 
from the period). Three years prior, the 
sumptuous two-part prequel, Playboy's Pent- 
house Араптеш--7а high, handsome haven 
preplanned and furnished for the bachelor 


FIT par 


‘ot only do I love my neighbor, I got her pregnant.” 


in town'—had not only laid a giddy blue- 
print for seriously upward mobility (sky- 
and tech- and design-wise) but stood as the 
most wildly popular feature the magazine 
had yet published (all Playmates included), 
Naturally, then, on October 24, 1959, when 
there debuted the first Hefner-hosted syn- 
dicated television series, a transcendentally 
hip weekly talk-variety faux cocktail party, it 
could only be called Playboy's Penthouse, (Hey, 
you go with what works) 

From the show's indelible opening 
sequence—white Mercedes 30051. (owned 
and piloted by Hef) night cruising Lake 
Shore Drive, camera-eyed elevator ride to. 
imaginary 30th-floor living-room baccha- 
nal in progress—melodically swathed in 
Су Coleman's sexy, tinkling, made-to-order 
“Playboy's Theme" and then rollicking forth 
across 90 minutes of glib airtime, the cool 
medium had without doubt seen nothing 
quite this Cool. Here racially mixed guest 
performers tippled and intermingled (all 
but verboten on TV back then) and casu- 
ally burst into spontancous song or dance 
or sit-down comedy, this amid the swanky- 
smoky-boozy (actual hard stuff!) swirl of 
formally draped Playmates and playboys 
at play. As Hef explains to Lenny Bruce 
on that opening installment (Ella Fitzger- 
ald and Nat "King" Cole would also "drop 
by”), he aimed to “таке the thing sort of 
a sophisticated weekly get-together of the 
people that we dig and the people who 
dig us...and just have ourselves a kind of 
late-night ball.” That same night he coaxed 
maestro Goleman to noodle out his most 
recently completed tune, “The Best Is Yet 
to Come,” which Sinatra would later make 
such a hit that its title would become the 
epitaph carved on his tombstone, (Ring- 
a-ding-dong, alas.) Which kind of demon- 
strates yet another sublime way the eternal 
history of Cool can be traced, if just enough, 
back to one editor-soothsayer-cat who bet 
his taste in furniture on the craziest dream. 


Not that the Cool, nor our blissful reach 
toward it, has ever departed the mortal 
swankosphere—it just evolves and trans- 
mogrifies and retranslates and also, for 
kicks, doesn't mind occasionally glancing at 
the rearview mirror. To that end, а half-cen- 
tury beyond, I happened to be watching our 
preeminent pajama-clad dreamer on his Imt- 
est TV show (what they call reality program- 
which he shares the bill with three 
gorgeous blondes who adore him madly 
Anyway, in this episode he wanders down the 
street to а house he keeps for visiting out- 
oftown Playmates, where a baby shower is 
under way, and suddenly he seems caught in 
reverie upon noticing the broad red womb- 
shaped perch whereon the young mother-to- 
be nestles. And he softly says, “I always get 
very sentimental when I see somebody sitting 
in that chair.” And the women ask why, and 
he replies, “Because it's a duplicate of the 
chair I was sitting in, holding the very first 
issue of the magazine, in that photo. 
And the Cool, you can't help but realize, 
has never gotten too far from him espe- 


cially. Dig? 


PERFECT SPRINT 


(continued from page 94) 
hat's the warm-up,” Smith says with a 
cold smile, alluding to the five quick 200- 
meter runs that will follow—the actual 
workout. “God bless you.” 

‘They toe the line, eight lanes, two deep. 
Greene commands the center lane, and 
with an imperial glance from side to side he 
takes the first group out. The drill is called 
the A skip, a powerful skip with a high- 
action in which the center of the foot strikes 
the track with force. Greene's calves reach 
out for the track and then hammer down 
The runners march in military precision, 
16 feet striking the drum of the track. 

The Greene movement does not come 
easily. Smith pounces on Leroy Dixon, 
the wide-eyed 25-year-old all-American 
fresh from the University of South Ca 
lina, Dixon has amazing bounce, but he’s 
like a Slinky—all over the place. * 
think you're getting it by reaching out 
for it,” says Smith, "You're not. You're 
not taking advantage of this movement 
The key is the dorsiflexed foot.” Smith 
pulls Dixon aside and shows him how to 
Пех his foot, toes pulled toward the shin 
Smith brings his foot down hard under 
him like a prancing horse’s, then back 
up underneath his buttocks, “You hit the 
ground like a springboard,” he says. 

The flexed foot maximizes force and 
creates a wheel-like forward locomotion 
These are not strides so much as revolu- 
tions. The secret, Smith says, is the move- 
ment, the feet cycling in a circle. 
rms back, Leroy!” barks Smith. “Feel 
your movement.” The young sprinter 
glances at his coach, and Smith burrows 
in, “Pay attention to what you're doing. Put 
your chin down!" 

The drills continue, and suddenly Smith 
shakes his head angrily. A couple of sprinters 
have eased up a stride short. He points to 
the red cones marking 20 meters, 

"See this cone right here? It's where you 
stop, You don't stop here,” he says, point- 
ing a couple of feet short. Smith knows of 
one athlete who liked to stop his drills one 
stride short. “He wound up being number 
four all the time,” he explains. “Nobody's 
fault but his." 


If there's one American sprinter likely to 
take gold in Beijing, it's Jeremy Wariner. 
A Baylor University track prodigy, the 24- 
year-old runs the 400 meters and won the 
gold in Athens in 2004. For all the attention 
he'll receive in the weeks leading up to the 
Olympics, the training regimen of a long 
sprinter is often a lonely exercise: 

On a cloudy morning in Waco, Texas, 
Wariner's silver-haired coach, Clyde Hart, 
cases his new Cadillac through the main 
gate into a cemetery with Wariner in the 
front seat. A cemetery—not your ordinary 
place to train, The road is narrow, and Hart 
winds through the tombstones and oaks, the 
leaves gold and red, pulling to a stop when 
the road straightens, Wariner, the reign- 
ing Olympic champion in the 400 meters, 
climbs out, tall and all legs. He wears blue 
sweats and a yellow Adidas shirt. 


Alter a few gentle stretches Wariner leans 
into the car to help his coach check the 
odometer. An easy workout on this early- 
season day: four five- to six-minute runs at 
a comfortable pace with two minutes rest 
in between. Wariner slips off his sweats, his 
legs long, lean and sinewy. Head shaven, 
face angular, he is built to sprint longer 
than any other man. He clicks his watch 
and takes off through the cemetery as we 
roll behind in the car. 

Wariner ruled the 400 meters the past 
few seasons, running it in the mid-to-high- 
43-second range, earning several million 
in endorsements and prize money. He's 
knocking on Michael Johnson's record of 
43.18 seconds, and track weenies drool on 
the Internet that he could be the first white 
man to crack 10 seconds in the 100 (he's 
the first white American man to win an 
Olympic medal in the sprints since Michacl 
Larrabee won the 400 іп 1964). 

Wariner's first run is leisurely, and I join 
him on his second trot. He starts bounding 
down the road. Inches away, І сап feel his 
float, the uncanny way he seems to fall into 
each stride. The first 200 meters or so I 
hang by his side, needing three strides for 
his two; then he dances ahead and disap- 
pears among the tombstones 

Hart's Cadillac provides my locomotion 
for the next interval, and the coach takes 
me through his charge's solitary regimen. 
Nothing fancy. Hart іх old enough to have 
seen and rejected just about every wacky 
new idea and gadget that is supposed to 
make you fast. "They used to pull people 
behind cars. Now they have them put on 
parachutes,” says the coach, shaking his 
head. “It’s busywork. You gotta run.” 

Simple strength, Hart believes, has 
helped Wariner hold his speed longer in 
his races. Once а week in the fall Wariner 
runs 1,000 meters on grass twice, with sev- 
eral minutes’ rest in between. Each week 
he clips 50 meters off, cutting it to 950, 
900, ete. Another day he'll train almost 
like a miler, focusing on aerobic condi- 
tioning and running 16 200-meter runs 
in 36 seconds with two minutes’ rest in 
between. But Wariner doesn't want to be 
a miler, so each week he runs one fewer 
200 but ends а second faster—15 runs in 
35 seconds, then 14 in 34. “It's kind of 
like Pavlov's dog,” Hart says. "He's going 
to run one less, but he's going to run 
faster. When the mind knows it has one 
less, it will do that.” 

By summer Wariner sprints five 200s 
in 25 seconds. Another day he pops a few 
350-meter intervals. “Go 40 seconds at a 
hard run, and the by-product will be lac- 
tate—thal's what makes the butt and legs 
heavy,” Hart explains. “That's the essence 
of training. As the body learns to buffer this 
lactate, that's conditioning.” 

Wariner takes off on his last morning 
run, a cooldown, and І join him. Hart 
let Wariner run a few national 200-meter 
races last year, and when I ask what he 
likes about the shorter race, he brightens. 

It shows the speed a lot of people think I 
don't have. І know I can go under 20 flat,” 
he says confidently. “The more І run it, the 
faster my time will be. And the good thing 
is it will get my 400 time down.” 


Wariner chats as if he were sitting at a 
Texas diner, ordering pie. My breathing 
grows heavy, and my questions come in 
labored chunks: “Track guys on the Inter- 
net...are saying...Jeremy...maybe could 
break 10 seconds..-in the 100 meters." 

He looks me in the eye, his voice light 
and excited, “It might be possible,” he says. 
“I've never run a 100 before.” 

‘What did you do in the 200 last year? 

720.19," he says proudly. 

I nod, impressed. 

“So I know І сап run a good 200." 

Wariner is on the cusp of being fast 
enough to seriously contest international 
200-meter races, something few white men 
have ever done. “Maybe one day Coach will 
let me run the 100, just to get a time in,” 
Wariner says, clearly excited at the pros- 
pect. “It could be a small meet." 

We round a large tombstone, my breath 
coming in gulps. "What's the hardest part 
of the 400 for you?" 

“Just staying mentally prepared for it 
Just knowing I've got people on my back 
the whole time." 

А couple of more deep breaths and Task 
the question anyone who has ever tried to 
sprint a lap would ask: “When you hit that 
wall in the 400, where do you feel it?” 

Jeremy Wariner is not even breathing 
hard, “Honestly,” he says, “І don't feel it 
anymore." 


Wariner hopes to break the record in the 
400—43. 18 seconds—which is owned by 
his friend and agent Michael Johnson. For 
nearly a decade Johnson dominated the 
200 and 400, winning his first gold medal 
in a world championship in 1091 and his 
last in the 2000 Olympics. When we mect 
near his home in Marin Gounty, California, 
Johnson doesn’t hesitate when asked who 
his favorite sprinter is. 

“Jesse Owens,” he says. “He was a very 
efficient runner. He had incredible turn- 
over, a great center of gravity. He was on 
top of his body.” On the eve of the 1996 
Atlanta Olympics Oweny's widow told 
Johnson in a letter that his straight-up 
Tunning style recalled her late husband's 
But analysts at the time thought different 
“When I first came up," Johnson recalls, 
“the television commentators would say, 
“Не has great talent. As soon as he starts 
to run the traditional way, he'll break a 
world record 

Johnson had been told he ran “funny” 
since he was a boy and started dusting 
kids in Dallas. College recruiters told him 
they'd have to work on his technique 
Johnson instead went with Clyde Hart 
who didn't see much to change. But he 
understands why so many questioned 
his style. The Jesse Owens mode—the 
upright, rigid sprinter—had faded from 
the popular lexicon. “They did studies, 
though, and it turned out to be more effi- 
cient,” Johnson says. Quicker strides were 
the answer. It is a conclusion seconded 
by Ralph Mann, a renowned biomechan- 
ics expert who uses films of Johnson to 
demonstrate superior long-sprint tech- 
nique for USA Track & Field, the sport's 


governing body in America. Johnson, like 115 


PLAYBOY 


116 


Owens, proved small gears turning fast 
can get you there quicker than big slow 
gears, “It's the down force,” Johnson says 
“The harder you hit, the harder your foot 
comes down, the faster and quicker you're 
propelled forward.” 

The litmus test of Johnson's desire, 
mechanics and training was the 1 
Atlanta Games, No man had ever won 
the 200- and 400-meter races in the 
same Olympics. “І tried to point out all. 
the pitfalls," says Hart. Johnson would 
need to run eight races in seven days. “I 
told him, ‘You've never gotten an indi- 
vidual gold in the Olympics. You're the 
best 400 runner in the world. 
chancy than the 200. 

Johnson convinced his coach it was 
worth the risk. Pietro Mennea’s world 
record of 19.72 in the 200 meters—set at 
high altitude—had stood unchallenged for 
almost 17 years, much like Bob Beamon's 
miraculous near-30-foot long jump. The 
stage was set before the Games, when 
Johnson won the U.S. Olympic trial in 
19.66 seconds, breaking Mennea's mark. 
For the Atlanta Olympics, Nike designed 
xtra-light spikes for Johnson, the soles 
fashioned of carbon fiber, the feathery 
body woven with golden thread. He won 
the 400 by nearly a second. Three nights 
later he lined up for the 200 final 

“І got а better start than normal, and 
then І stumbled a bit," Johnson recalls 
“When you get a good start, gravity pulls 


I's less 


you down. Yowve got to pump your 
arms to keep your balance.” He didn't 
panic. “If you start to make too many 
changes, you're out of the race,” he says. 
The first half of the 200 is a curve, cen- 
trifugal forces chewing up hundredths of 
а second. But Johnson came through the 
100 in 10.12. His quick shorter strides 
helped. “I just was good at curves, 
always have been,” he says. He made a 
»oth transition into the straightaway, 
not pressing too hard. 

The dreamy euphoria long-distance 

anners speak of? "People always want to 
know what it’s like," Johnson shrugs. "In 
the sprints, you don't have time to enjoy 
the scenery. You're executing a strategy. 
He felt the phases of the race like a Е 
mula | driver shifting through the tu 
"Everything is clicking. It all feels effort- 
less." He watched the clock as he neared 
the last 20 meters. “It was going to 17 
seconds, then 18. I could see the tenths. 
With 10 meters left Johnson felt his ham- 
string starting to go. A jolt, and then his 
leg wobbled. But he kept moving. “It’s the 
Olympics. ІГІ pull it, I pull it 

The crowd erupted. The time a stun- 
ning 19.32. Johnson had his historic 
double, cracking his own world record 
by a whopping third of a second. More 
amazing still, with a rolling start Johnson 
clocked 9.20 in his second 100 meters 
(faster than the world-record 100 meters). 
Until that day the 100-meter champion 


“Penny for your thoughts.” 


had always been considered the all-out 
fastest. But Johnson's last 100 of his 
record 200 meters was run at an average 
of 24.3 mph, or more than 35 and a half 
feet a second. The pundits started calling 
him the World’s Fastest Man 


Coach Smith weaves commitment into the 
discipline of speed. The Smith sprinters 
are also quintessentially L.A., donning 
sleek shirts, jewelry and fashionable 
sweats, toting a boom box for some post- 
workout hip-hop. They re generally photo 
shoot-ready. The squad used to practice 
at UCLA's fabled track (Smith was a top 
UGLA coach for 17 years) but had to 
move because 100 many fans were show- 
ing up and interfering, Not that Smith's 
athletes don't enjoy the attention and the 
spice of controversy. They've been blasted 
for their flamboyance and for seeming to 
embrace their teammates more than they 
do the U.S. national team. 

The coach's genius is to approach 
the 100 as a long гасе, He breaks it into 
seven phases, starting with reaction time, 
that instinctive response to the starter's 
pistol. More critical is phase two, block 
clearance, the initial ballistic push—body 
low, chin tucked, arms swinging up to 
the head and all the way back, You set up 
the race with the drive phase, your torso 
and head gradually rising like a plane 
on the runway, accelerating for the first 
30 meters. Then comes the pivotal gear 
shift, phase four, the transition to over- 
drive. Too early and it’s like a jet taking 
off before it builds up sufficient thrust, At 
30 to 95 meters elite sprinters kick into 
phase five, accelerating till they hit maxi- 
mum velocity around 55 to 65 meters 
Maintenance is what Smith terms the next 
20 to 25 meters, extending the maximum 
velocity. What's left? The final 15 10 20 
meters, where, surprisingly, sprinters 
actually decelerate. Smith laughs. “І call 
that phase ‘Oh shit!” 

Moving smoothly through the sub- 
ile transitions in under 10 seconds is 
extraordinarily difficult. “I tend to jump 
out there and want to get it over and rush 
it and get tight,” Leonard Scott confesses. 
“I get in a hurry. І get overanxious 
I'm trying to get to the finish line, and 
you're not supposed to do that. You're 
supposed to let the finish line come to 
you.” Strangely, Scott's coach says it's 
not purely a question of speed. “Leonard 
has the first 60 meters down,” explains 
Smith, “We're working on the last 40. His 
challenge is getting fit enough to run the 
100 meters. 

How can а runner tire in eight seconds? 
“Great sprinters generate huge amounts 
of rotary velocity,” says biomechanics 
expert Ralph Mann, Elite sprinters, says 
Mann, take five steps every second. “Try 
that standing still,” he says, “let alone at 
12 meters a second. 

What happens inside the body? The 
gun fires and the sprinter drives his 
legs in a furious push, arms pumping 
He burns fuel like a rocket engine, The 
explosive muscle contractions devour the 
small stores of energy in the cells, known 


as ATP (adenosine triphosphate). Within 
two to three seconds the exhausted ATP is 
supplemented by creatine phosphate, but 
that energy store too is quickly depleted 
Scientists dub ATP and creatine phos- 
phate levels the phosphagen system: 

six- to eight-second energy surge. Once 
the sprinter runs low on ATP, he begins 
10 slow. The deceleration is so slight it is 
imperceptible to the human eye, but not 
to the timer counting hundredths of a 
second. How can you keep from decel- 
crating? “The further into the race yo 

can accelerate, the later you slow down, 

says Dr. Robert Vaughan, an expert in 
exercise physiology who heads training 
theory for USA ‘Track & Field. “You hav 

only about 20 meters of top speed. IF that 
speed occurs deeper in the race, you'll 
slow down later.” 

It sounds counterintuitive: To go faster 
you must hold hack your speed. But it 
isn’t the only sprinting fundamental that 
has been radically updated in the past 
two decades, As recently as the late 1970s 
coaches told sprinters the longer the 
stride, the better. Old sprint texts declare 
that the more time a sprinter spends 
carthbound, pushing, the better. But in 
the early 19805 Mann started showing 
coaches films and computer analysis that 
proved excessive ground time was the 
enemy. "They thought І was nuts,” he says, 
but the evidence didn't lie. Great sprint- 
ers like Greene spend less then a tenth of 
а second on the ground for each stride. 
Mann's studies proved differences in air 
time among elite sprinters were minimal. 
“It's how quickly you get off the ground.” 

When the sprinter's foot first hits, it actu- 
ally breaks his fall. The talented sprinter 
quickly follows with a big “down push 
generating force from 600 to 800 pounds 
as the ankle and foot come underneath 
the hips. What happens in back? “The bet- 
ter sprinters shift everything toward the 
front,” says Mann. “If you could physically 
do it, you'd never push off in back.” What 
about that graceful forward lean? Except 
when accelerating and when leaning at the 
tape, Mann says, “most of the great sprint- 
ers run straight up and down.” 

By the late 1980s most coaches had 
come around to Mann's thinking, focus- 
ing more on stride frequency than length, 
on increasing the sprinter's equivalent 
of RPMs. Smith and Mann have known 
cach other since they competed in col- 
lege. "He's a scientist. He bounces things 
oll me, and I bounce them off him," says 
Smith. “He has helped me to quantify my 
assumptions. He'll sit down and explain 
how it works, why it works and why it 
works faster.” And of course Smith took 
the mechanics and physics out of the lab 
and onto the track. 

Smith likens sprinting to riding a bike. 
Just as there's an optimum air pressure 
for a bike tire, Smith aims for his run- 
ners to hit a sweet spot, the foot landing 
about six to six and a half inches in front 
of their center of mass. The perfect place 
to touch down is the ball of the foot, says 
Smith. “That's your power point." 

Land too far forward of your hips and 
you're blocking, you're not round at the 


wheel,” according to Smith. Strike fat- 
footed or on your heel and you'll rack up 
excessive ground time and generate less 
force. Land in front of the ball of your foot 
and “you're making the lever too long, 
which makes you slow 

Balance is critical. “Everything is round; 
everything is up under you,” Smith says. 

You can't flatten out.” Nor can you tire. 
Mann's films and studies have proved 
man cannot run the 100 meters flat-out, 
and Smith's success has come in training 
his sprinters to maintain more of their 
speed in the final 15 10 20 meters. “You 
want to delay your max acceleration as far 
down the track as you can,” Smith says. 

If 1 сап max at 65 meters instead of 58, 
1 haven't used up all my energy. ГІІ have 
a better finish.” 

That precise calculus—shifting only 
when your body is ready—contrasts 
sharply with the warrior psyche of a 
sprinter, the mental games, the thunder- 
cloud of a race. Hundred-meter runners 
tend toward the wild 


“I'm like a lion in a cage just ready to 
come out,” says Maurice Greene. “The 
beginning of the race is very intense: pure 
power, pure intensity. Aggression. 

Greene's story begins at the Third Street 
Church of God. Tall with red-and-brown 
bricks, it stands in a forgotten corner of 
Kansas City, Kansas. The projects are at 
опе end, and across the street lies a dismal 
stretch of empty weedy lots broken up by 
a few homes that have fallen into disre- 
ight falls, dealers and pros- 
wn cars, the background 
soundtrack of rap music sometimes bro- 
ken by gunfire. This is where Greene first 
ran, as a boy. Come the Sabbath he'd be 
in his Sunday best, vying to be the second- 
fastest kid on Third Street 

“We were kids out there having fun, 

ward 
the light pole,” says 
Greene. “My brother Ernest was faster. He 
was older and had a lot of success. I just 
wanted to be better than him. 

The elder Greene signed with Smith's 
HSI agency but chose to continue train- 
ing in Kansas City. Though Ernest was 
faster and stronger, the younger Greene 
burned up high school track: state champ 
in the 100 and 200 three years straight 
In 1995 Maurice Greene also signed with 
Smith and, like his older brother, stayed 
home to train under Al Hobson, the coach 
he had had since the age of cight. After 
failing to make the national team 
and having to watch the Atlanta Olympics 
from the stands, Greene says, “I decided 
Thad to leave Kansas,” He saw what had 
happened to his brother: Wildly talented, 
Ernest Greene just hadn't made it. “Му 
dad and I got in my GMC Jimmy, and we 
drove on out to L.A. I still remember my 
first day. It was September 27, 1996. I told 
coach Smith, ‘I want to put USA Track & 
Field on my shoulders.” 

Smith had one question: “Are you 
ready to take everything I'm going to 
throw at you?” 

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PLAYBOY 


trained alongside 1992 Olympic 400- 
meter champion Quincy Watts from one to 
three pas, at the UCLA track, where Smith 
coached. “It was very hard for me. He had 
me do the A skips, B skips, high knees. 
Eyerything is body position—how you 
strike the ground, how your arms swing. 
Your hands are your feet, your forearms 
your shins, your upper arms your thighs. І 
had to learn how to walk again. We would 
lift weights and then go out to the track. I 
would be very sore. The first time I threw 
up I heard them saying, "We got one!” 

“The arduous training left Greene literally 
100 exhausted to step off the track, Smith 
often tossing a sweatshirt over him on the 
infield at three PM. as the breeze kicked up. 
“T would be so tired, I would just lie there 
and sleep,” says Greene. “Goach would 
start working out the college guys, and I 
would be just waking up when they'd be 
finishing at five.” 

Greene's Nike contract was a bare-bones 
$20,000, and he was so broke he slept on 
a friend's couch for several months. Eve 
worse, he didn't seem to be getting any fast 
“Twas running meets, not even in the top 
three,” he says. "I was worried: Man, is this 
going to happen? I gotta be а realist. What 
ІП couldn't make it?” Greene started check- 
ing the classifieds for a job. “I went to the 
Prefontaine meet, ran 10.19 and took filth. 
I way discouraged. Then I went to the 200. 
1 was mad that T was in lane eight. І wasn't 
putting that much effort into it, and I looked 
over and saw І was in last place. Something 
clicked in me. I got the body position, ran 
everybody down and took third.” 

The nationals were next. “Just before the 
race, Coach told me, "You're about to run 
fast. Don’t get too excited. Look at the time, 
takea deep breath and walk off like you knew 
you could do it," Iran 9.96 easy! I jogged 
in, thinking, Oh my God, what happened? I 
took my deep breath. Fireworks were going 
off inside. I was thinking, І know how to do. 
it. 1 can do it anytime I want now! 

Greene did it again in the finals, winning 
in 9.9, He did it later that summer in Athens 
at the world championships, defeating the 
defending Olympic champion and world- 
record holder, Donovan Bailey. Twice more 
he would win 100-meter world champion- 
ships, once taking both the 100 and 200, a 
feat never before achieved in men's com- 
petition. He set world records in the 100 
and 60 meters, the only man ever to hold 
both records simultaneously, and took gold 
in the 100 meters and 4x100 relay at the 
2000 Sydney Olympics 

Barely more than a year later Greene 
discovered his mortality, He was sid 
swiped while flying down a freeway near 
Los Angeles on a motorcycle. He suffered 
a potentially career-ending injury: a broken 
fibula. Greene guarded the accident like a 
state secret, leaving the scene without even 
filing a police report. It was early 2002 
Doctors kept him off his leg for a month, 
and then he began arduous pool workouts 
Not until late April did he even step onto a 
track. Smith didn't dare put him in a meet 
before the nationals in late June. Miracu- 
lously Greene won that year's U.S, cham- 
pionships in 9.88, but in rushing back he 


118 incurred nagging hamstring and quadri- 


ceps pulls and struggled to return to form. 
The tabloids in Britain dubbed him Slo-Mo. 
Still, in Athens, Greene nearly won back- 
to-back Olympic golds in the 100. Looking 
back, he believes a tactical error may have 
cost him the second victory. He eased up 
in the semifinal and took third. Relegated 
to an outside lane in the final, he says he 
"couldn't feel the inside of the race.” Still, 
only two hundredths ofa second separated 
his bronze from gold. 


Leonard Scott slides his shoulders under a 
bar holding twice his weight. He squares his 
hips. The time is a little before eight aa., 
the place Gold's Gym in Venice, California. 
The air is thick with grunts and the sound 
of clanging weights. Looking down from 
the walls are images of a bulging Arnold 
Schwarzenegger, who trained here, and 
other monstrous Mr. Olympias. 

“Straight from your feet!” commands 
Smith. “Now all the way up. Straight from 
the hips. Push the bar! Push it straight!” 

т Scott, the man who would be cham- 
pion, it's another day at the office. His body 
shaking under the load, he rushes the next 
one. “You're trying to get out of it,” smiles 


Greene guarded the accident 
like a state secret, 
leaving the scene without 
even filing a police report. 
Doctors kept him off his leg 
for a month. 


Smith wickedly. “Enjoy it!” One more bru- 
tal squat. “Let's go, Leonard!” Smith barks. 
The sprinter drives the bar, legs wobbling. 
“My legs 
аге gone,” he wearily confesses, “We've been 
in the weight room every day this week 
e been running some crazy workouts. 
00, 100.” He shakes his 
head. “You come here in the weight room, 
squatting all this heavy weight. Then you 
have to go out and run, legs just dead.” 
Scott has reason to be tired. He was up 
this morning at his usual 5:45 to shower, 
cat his oatmeal and drive the hour and 15 
minutes to Gold's. In the two years since 
the 26-year-old quit football and dedicated 
himself to track, his body and fitness have 
been transformed. A nutritionist counsels 
Smith’s sprinters, and Scott has the enthu- 
siasm of the converted. He often dines by 
six par. and is in bed before 10. He also 
makes certain to feed his muscles. Within 
minutes of his last morning sprint, Scott 
makes himself a protein drink right on 
the infield. “You have to put something in 
your body,” he says. “You have microtears 
in your muscles. You have to rebuild those 
microtears” Lunch isa sandwich and salad; 
dinner is baked chicken or fish with veg- 
etables. His weight has dropped from 19 


pounds to 183. “Tm lighter than I was play- 
ing football,” he says, "but I'm stronger: 

Squats and power cleans are his critical 
lower-body lifts, but the track is where he 
really works his legs. “A lot of people are 
amazed we do weights carly in the morn- 
ing and then get on the traci 
“Our legs are already tired, and we're try- 
ing to do a workout.” The feeling is "almost 
like pulling the rubber band back,” he 
says. “The weight feels like a heavy load.” 
‘Then when the big meets come, says Scott, 
“Coach takes us out of the weight room, Не 
lets that rubber band go.” 


Months have passed since I first endured a 
couple of painful days training with Smith's 
sprinters. This morning I ask Greene how 
he's doing, and he shakes his head and 
smiles ruefully. “I had a little setback. A little 
minor injury.” he says quietly. “My calf" He 
pauses, “I wish as runners we would, like, 
tweak something in our arm," he laughs. 
“Because if we did that, we could still run. 
It’s always something with your calf or your 
hamstring. You can't run, and then you 
lose a week and a half or two weeks, and 
it’s hard getting back. I wish I'd be running 
and then "Owww, my arm!" 

Greene tells me about the ultrasound, 
electrical stimulation and massage he has 
been getting for his ailing calf. Then every- 
one gathers on the infield for the start of 
the workout, stretching and jiving and spik- 
ing up. Smith makes Torri Edwards blush 
as he teases her about her attention-getting 
chartreuse tights, Watching Scott shed his 
gray sweats and reveal his massive thighs 
and muscled torso, 1 think of how little sep- 
arates good from great. At the end of 2006 
Scott was ranked third in the world, If he 
holds or raises that ranking, you'll hear his 
name at the Olympics. If he slips a tenth of 
a second or sustains an injury, he'll be just 
another sprinter who didn't make it. 


Greene is in the blocks. In a minute ESPN 
will go live with the first of three heats of the 
men's 100-meter dash at the 2007 Adidas 
Track Classic in Carson, California, Greene 
iscycling through his movement, little bursts 
that propel him halfway down the track, He 
walks back easily in his plain, thick gray 
sweatshirt stained with the sweat from his 
long warm-up. Veins bulge on his shaved 
head. Today he is one ol several Smith ath- 
letes in the 100; they will get 10 seconds or 
so to prove whether they have it 

Greene's heat approaches, and the sta- 
dium announcer introduces the athletes. 
“Maurice Greene, 2000 gold medalist and 
2004 bronze medalist. American record 
holder in 979... The camera boom sweeps 
over the sprinters’ heads, and a hush falls 
over the stadium. Greene is last to the line, 
last to settle into his blocks. The gun fires, 
and this time it isn’t there. Thirty meters 
in, Greene moves to shift and can't find the 
gear. He trots the last 20 meters, looking as 
il he's trying not to pull a muscle, dead las 

I trail Greene as he talks to reporters, 
signs autographs for kids and then faces 
a tougher critic than the media, a finely 
sculpted knockout in heels and capri pants 


PLAYBOY 


120 


who appears to be his girlfriend. “I couldn't,” 
he shrugs, shaking his head. “І couldn't get 
out of the blocks. I can't get my tempo.” 

Greene heads into the crowd to the top 
of the stadium with the rest of his team- 
mates who have finished their races or 
weren't scheduled to run. His crappy race 
all but forgotten, he enjoys the track meet 
with his friends 

The sleek, unflappable Torri Edwards is 
up in the 100, The gun fires, and her start 
scems unremarkable, The first 10 meters 
she's no better than fourth. At 30 meters 
she calmly accelerates, Midway down the 
track her afterburner kicks in. Her confi- 
dence and control are uncanny. Everything 
they've been doing in practice the past six 
months, the whole Smith manifesto, she 
packs it all into this tight 10 seconds. You 
can feel it while you watch her. She's taking 
her sweet time, delaying her speed deeper 
into the race, and just like that she jets into 
the lead, Olympic gold medalist Veronica 
Campbell closes hard, but Edwards dips 
first at the line, so fast she has to skitter 


over in front of her competitors to avoid 
barreling into the photographers. 

Her time flashes on the big electronic 
board: 10.9, the fastest in the world this year 
for a woman so far, the best of Edwards's 
lifetime. She leaps joyously around the 
track. Greene hugs his teammates, jumping 
up and down, screaming. A performance 
this impressive means Edwards has a shot 
at Olympic gold, and Greene is ecstatic, 
pointing at the spot 35 yards down the track 
where the race was won, where his team- 
mate and friend ran her perfect sprint 

“Did you see the gear she had right 
there?” Greene exclaims, eyes wide, turning 
to his teammates. “I knew it! I knew i 


Time was not on Greene's side. A nag- 
ging calf injury sidelined him for most of 
the 2007 season, and in carly 2008, with 
another season of grueling workouts on 
the horizon, Greene announced his retire- 
ment, his dream of a third Olympic 100- 
meter final dashed. 


“The water feels just fine!” 


Out of running, he would not remain out 
of the news, The steroid scandal looms over 
the upcoming Olympics. On May 29, Trevor 
Graham, the former North Carolina-based 
track coach of drug-tainted former cham- 
pion Marion Jones, was found guilty of one 
count of lying to federal investigators about 
his relationship with a steroids dealer. The 
government's prime witness told The New 
York Times that Maurice Greene paid for 
banned substances in 2003 and 2004, 
Greene acknowledged paying for items for 
members of his training group but said he 
didn’t know what he was paying for. "None 
of this is new,” International Association 
of Athletics Federations spokesman Nick 
Davies told the AP "There is no reason to 
take action against Maurice.” Davies added 
that the U.S. Anti-Doping Agency had 
found no evidence against Greene, who has 
never failed a doping test 

Controversy continued to swirl when a let- 
ter, allegedly written by Greene's old training 
partner Ato Boldon, surfaced on a website, 
calling coach John Smith “the emperor with 
no clothes” and insinuating Smith himself 
has known of performance-enhancing-drug 
use among his runners. Boldon has yet to 
make clear whether he wrote the letter 
Smith and Greene had no comment 

Torri Edwards's impressive race at the 
Adidas Track Glassic kicked off her best 
season in several years, She won the 100 
meters at the 2007 Prefontaine Classic 
and at the premier international meets in 
Trance, Switzerland and Italy She earned 
a number two world ranking heading into 
the Olympics 

Leonard Scott had double knee surger 
to repair loose ligaments and then sulle 
а hamstring tear running indoors. He was a 
long shot to make the U.S. Olympic team. 

Rookie Leroy Dixon dropped his 100- 
meter time to 10,07, took two seconds in 
international meets and anchored the U.S. 
world championship 4x100 meter relay 
team in Osaka 

All last season Jeremy Wariner contin- 
ued his steady dominance, maintaining his 
number one world ranking in the 400 for 
the fourth straight year and winning the 
race at the 2007 world championships in 
his best time ever, 43.45—just 0.27 seconds 
behind Michael Johnson's world record, 
‘Then Wariner shocked the world of track 
and field by abruptly firing his longtime 
coach, Clyde Hart, and turning over his 
training to the respected but unheralded 
Baylor associate coach Michael Ford. Initial 
reports spoke of a contract dispute. 

Afer a fast late-April run at the Penn Relays, 
Wariner told reporters, “I want to break this 
record and be the first one to 42 seconds. It 
could happen at any time in the season.” 

Wariner won easily again at the Adidas 
Track Classic this May despite a sore ham- 
string, While signing autographs and pos- 
ing lor photos, Wariner heard one of his 
fans repeat the same line about the world 
record: “43.17, Jeremy. We're looking for 
it this year.” 

Don't be surprised if Wariner breaks that 
record while winning an Olympic gold in 


Beijing. 


REDEMPTION 


(continued from page 64) 
chat in the library, and Hall doesn't seem 
interested in doing so. He just goes to the 
rack with the newspapers and pulls out the 
Wabash Plain Dealer: He slowly leafs through 
the pages. Alter 15 minutes, he gets up and 
says, “ПІ see you later, Jim.” 

For his part Keene won't strike up a 
conversation either. He doesn't want to 
seem too forward. But after a few of these 
library sessions, Hall invites him to eat 
breakfast at his table. Jim had noticed Hall 
always eats in the same corner, always with 
the same three prisoners, No one sits апу- 
where near them. 

The next day Jim joins Larry at his table 
and introduces himself to the others. One 
is in his 20s, tall and skinny, with a mul- 
let haircut and big bug eyes, He sits erect, 
and his head swivels like an owl's. Suppos- 
edly for no reason he murdered his family 
and then his next-door neighbors with a 
chain saw. Another of Hall's friends is in 
his 30s and has a froglike face. The third is 
big and fat with a bad case of acne. Keene 
never learns their crimes. 

For most of the meal, only Jim talks. 
He cracks jokes. He complains about the 
food. He asks what they like to eat, While 
the others stare blankly ahead, he can see 
Hall tune in to him and even brighten 
when he speaks, If the other guys talk, it is 
to ask for the milk with a low, slurred voice. At 
least Lam bringing some life to the party, and 
1 can see it makes Larry happy. 

Jim bears some resemblance to Hall's 
twin, Gary, who is the more outgoing 
and popular of the two. This may have 
been why Hall starts to confide in Keene 
and tell him more about his background 
The twins came as a surprise when their 
parents were in their 40s, Larry's father, 
Robert, was a sexton, or grave digger, in 
Wabash, He bragged he was descended 
from Miami Indians. 

Alter a few weeks of meals together 
Keene feels Hall will invite him back to his 
cell, where they can talk privately. Maybe 
he really can get Hall to open up and be 
home by winter. 

Just as Keene thinks things are going 
well, he's thrown a curveball. One day 
three white weight-lifter types with slicked- 
back hair surround him as he walks down a 
corridor, He has seen them hovering aver a 
stooped, frail old man ata table in another 
corner of the cafeteria. “The old man wants 
to talk to you,” one of them says 

The old man is Vincent “the Chin” 
Gigante, who was the leader of the Geno- 
vese crime family in New York City. For 
most of the 1990s he frustrated federal 
efforts to prosecute him by wandering the 
streets of Greenwich Village in a robe and 
slippers. In fact he was a sophisticated 
boss, overseeing an extensive bookmak- 
ing and juice loan operation and using 
his control of trade unions to shake down 
construction sites. His dementia act did 
not save him from conviction, but it did 
get him placed among truly demented 
prisoners at Springfield 

Jim gets along fine with Mafia prisoners. 


His grandmother is Italian, and his grand- 
father used to be a driver for Al Capone— 
the sort of pedigree the mobsters loved to 

hear about 
Gigantes men hustle Jim to where the 70- 
year-old is waiting. Gigante can tell Keene 
has some Italian roots, but he doesn't like 
the other things he sees. “Let me ask you a 
ng а finger at Jim's 


baby killers for? You want someone to put 
a knife in your back?” 


Over the next few months Gigante 
enforces his own strict routine on Jim. No 
more hanging out with baby killers. Jim is 
expected to have breakfast with Gigante. 
Ош of the corner of my eye, Keene thinks, / 
can see Hall look at me like he wonders why I 
won't eat with him anymore. But I know enough 
about Mafia guys not to disrespect them. My 
{freedom is staring at me from across the room, 
‘and I have to look the other way. 

After breakfast Keene follows the old 
man into the prison yard and plays bocce 
on the grass court. Since Jim's allergies 
exempt him from a day job in the prison 
factory, Gigante expects him to be his 
morning companion. 

Keene is desperate to find time alone 
with Hall. Surreptitiously, Keene starts 
to stalk the serial killer to see if there is a 
place outside the cafeteria to bump into 
him. Hall doesn't keep a schedule like other 
prisoners. Because of his experience as a 
Janitor, he leaves his cell early to work in 
the boiler room. At night he spends hours 
in the wood shop. Jim won't be allowed 
through the door until he spends a full year 
at Springfield without incident—another 
nine months, When he passes the shop, he 
always sees Hall busy at what looks to be 
the same project: a carved wooden falcon 
the size of his hand 


. 


His best shot to find time with Hall is 
after dinner, when prisoners gravitate 
to the TV rooms. Jim has learned that 
Hall's favorite program is America’s Most 
Wanted. Hall and his friends camp out 
every Saturday in the tiniest, least desir- 
able TV room a few hours before the 
show's scheduled time. To break the ice, 
ides to join them. 
chance to steal the spotlight 
comes one night when a muscular black 
gangbanger appears a few minutes into 
the show and changes the channel. Keene 
hears Hall mumble under his breath, 
“That ain't cool," but he and the others 
remain motionless. Seeing he could be 
the savior, Jim jumps up and turns the 
channel back. The black inmate changes 
the channel again, When Jim jumps up 
again, the black man points at him and 
says, “White boy, you better not touch it, 
or you'll have a problem.” Keene turns 
the show on again. The intruder pulls 
back to swing, but Jim nails him with 
four quick punches. As he falls back into 
the chairs, Jim jumps him, stomping his 
head and chest 

Keene spends that night in solitary, a 
windowless cement room with nothing 


but а metal bed and toilet. He paces until 
morning, wondering if he has sabotaged 
his whole mission, But right after he gets 
his breakfast tray, he is taken to a hearing 
before six administrators, including the 
chief psychiatrist, who nods at him with a 
smile, The only witnesses to the assault are 
the serial killers. Each of them backs up 
Jim's story that the black inmate, who has 
a history of assaults, barged into the room 
to change the channel and swung first at 
Jim when he switched it back, 

Jim is now Hall's hero. Although they 
cannot eat together, they sit in the TV 
room, chatting alter shows or talking a few 
minutes before lights-out. Coincidentally, 
one of the first America's Most Wanted shows 
they watch features serial killers, with the 
mother of one victim pleading to find out 
where her daughter is buried. Keene sees 
an opening. When they talk later, he says 
to Hall, “Why doesn't that guy tell the par- 
ents where he buried the daughter? ІГІ 
was the guy who killed those girls, I'd give 
them the location,” 

“You would?” Hall asks. 

Sure,” Keene says, “It's not like the 
guy's ever getting out. The least he can do 
ıs give the parents closure and get some 
redemption for his crime. 

Hall seems to ponder the thought for 
a few moments, then asks if someone like 
that could ever get redemption. “Oh yeah,” 
Jim tells him, remembering the sermons he 
heard as a child. "The worst sinner can still 
find redemption,” 


Even a cursory look at Hall's early life 
reveals a number of traits found in other 
men who commit multiple rape-murders 
complications at birth, childhood poverty, 
an alcoholic father (his drinking forced 
him into early retirement from the cem- 
ctery), an overprotective mother, early 
contact with the police for arson and van- 
dalism, no normal experience with sexual 
intercourse and few friends. 

But other aspects dely the definitions 

{FBI profilers. Hall had the slovenly ap- 
pearance of the impulsive “disorganized” 
killer, yet when investigators seized his 
1984 Dodge van they found the detailed 
notes of an “organized” offender, re- 
ninding himself to “plan and plan” and 
heck over again.” He kept meticulous 
lists to prepare his van for abductions 
and to buy materials for cleaning up, He 
cautioned himself, “No evidence. No fo- 
rensic residues.” Indeed, no biological 
evidence was ever found 

When he was tracked down by a Ver- 
million County, Illinois detective for the 
murder of Jessica Roach, the girl in the 
cornfield, he provided a statement detail- 
ing how she was abducted, raped and 
strangled. “I am not in control,” he told an 
FBI polygraph examiner. “This was one 
of those times when І was not in control.” 
But a few weeks later he told a newspaper 
reporter the statement had been fabricated 
by his interrogators. 

During the session with the FBI exam- 
iner Hall also confessed to the murder of 
‘Tricia Reitler, who disappeared from her 
college in Marion, Indiana six months 


121 


PLAYBOY 


122 


before Roach's murder. Incredibly, Hall 
had previously confessed to that murder 
when police found him with an "abduc- 
tion kit"—rope, knife, ether-based starter 
fluid—four miles from where Reitler was 
last seen, Since the Marion police already 
had their prime suspect in custody, they 
dismissed Hall as a morbid wannabe and 
didn't even arrest him. Their wannabe 
theory became a key argument for Hall's 
lawyer in the Roach trial. Marion police 
were even ready to testify in his defense. 
A month alter Beaumont convicted Hall in 
the Roach case, he organized a search for 
Reitler's body, using marks found on maps 


“Why, little Bill 


in Hall's van for directions. His expedition 
enlisted anthropologists, cadaver-snilling 
dogs and FBI aircraft with heat sensors— 
all to no avail 

But in those first three months they are 
together in Springfield, Hall won't even 
tell Jim the nature of his alleged crimes, let 
alone the locations of his victims’ bodies. 
Like Keene, he pretends to be in Spring- 
field on weapons с 

ale 

; too, Hall's seniority and conduct 
arned him special benefits. On one 
wall he has hung a cardbe 
show he regularly attends the chaplain's 


ges. At least he now 


feels сд 


able inviting Jim into his cell. 


rd cross to 


Bob and Edna-Mae! I had no idea you 


two young’uns was steppin’ out together! 


services. There is a photo of his father and 
mother and another of his brother. 


By December Jim has been in Springfield 
five months, but it scems longer, and his 
window of opportunity is closing, As the 
chief psychiatrist warned him, there's по 
telling what will touch off a crazed pris- 
опет. A case in point is a tall biker from 
Iowa who killed several people while 
high on methamphetamine, He has a 
lanky, muscular body and spiderweb tat- 
toos around both elbows, Enraged sim- 
ply because Jim has mentioned his name 
to anothi he corners Keene in 


ms, 
пош? 
Without room 10 sw 


your 
g. Jim lets his 
wrestler's instincts kick in. He dives for 
the biker's spindly legs, picks him up and 
flips him down hard on his back, where 
he pounds him with both fists until the 


guards drag him away. Keene spends 
another night pacing the hole. But the 
biker refuses to speak up in his own 
defense, and Jim lucks out again 


Jim has to take some risks to get Hall to 
open up. One night when they are alone 
in Hall's cell, he asks, “Haven't we been 
hanging around each other long enough 
to tell the truth 

"What do you mean?" Hall replies. 

‘Come on, Larry,” Keene tells him. "I 
know all about your casc. 

Hall's eyes grow wide, and he looks away. 
“What do you mea: he asks. 

It was in all the Indiana newspapers,” 
Keene answers, “Му mom's got a subscrip- 
tion to a newspaper from your arca, When 
1 told her your name the other day, she 
said, "Your buddy is the one accused of kill- 
ing those girls. 

Hall averts his eyes. “I don't know what 
you're talking about,” he says 

After Keene leaves Hall's cell, he 
spends a restless night wondering if he 
has moved too quickly. The next morning 
during breakfast he sees Hall looking at 
him from across the room. Was he up all 
night thinking too? 
ne can't wait to find out. When they 
pass each other on the way out, he slaps 
Hall on the shoulder and says, “See you 
later in the library,” as though nothing 
has happened. Hall looks back at him with 
relief and says, “Yeah, sure.” Jim realizes 
what Hall most fears: that Keene will stop 
talking to him. 

That night, when they are alone in 
Hall's cell, Jim asks again about the girls, 
and Hall seems to go into a trance. In a 
robotic voice he says, “Sometimes I have 
dreams about bad women, and in those 
dreams I hurt them. 

At first Кеспе doesn't know what to say 
1 can't tell him I hurt women too, he thinks. 
But I can say 1 was hurt by women, like he was. 
Jim mentions one longtime girlfriend who 
gol pregnant while he was behind bars. 
“Гус had bad dreams about her,” he says. 
Fuck these evil chicks." Then Keene asks, 
“What about that Jessica Roach?” 


With the sound of her name, Hall's head 
turns away. “Why would they just pick you 
out of the blue and say you did this to that 
girl for no reason?” Jim asks. “What was the 
deal? Were you dating her? 

After a long silence Hall says, “It wasn't 
like they said. It wasn't like Beaumont said 
Me and her were talking. She was friendly 
She was being nice. She was one of the first 
who was nice to ше 

It takes several nights before Keene 
hears Hall's version. He doesn't want J 
to think he pulled the girls into the van 
but he doesn't deny forcing himself on 
them when they refused his advances 
With Roach, he claims, the trouble started 
when he tried to kiss her in his van. Hall 
says she started to go crazy. She was hit- 
ting and punching him, and he began 
choking her to make 
her stop. “The next 
thing I knew, 
Hall, “І was lying 
next to her and I had 
her strapped down 
My clothes were 
off, and her clothes 
were off, I think І 
blacked out and we 
had sex together 

When Roach began 
to ery for her mother, 
he forced her from 


n 


says 


the van with her 
hands bound and 
marched her through 
the woods, Hall 


shows Jim with his 
fingers how he inter- 
locked two belts and 


used them to bind 
her neck to a tree 
From the other side 
he twisted the ends 
with a stick as you 


would a tourniquet 
so he wouldn't have 
to see her face when 
she died 

Keene has waited 
months to hear this, 
but in the dim light 
of Halls cell he feels 
no exhilaration 
By telling Larry he 
understands how 
he could be hurt by 
women, he almost 
feels guilty of murder himself, What if 
Jessica Roach really had smiled at Hall 
She was innocent and, as a result, so vul- 
nerable to real evil. While everything Hall 
tells Jim brings him closer to freedom, itis 


also too much to bear 

Eventually Hall has more to say about 
Tricia Reitler. She was also pretty, he 
says, with beautiful hair. She too seemed 
to like him but then started hitting him 
after he tried to kiss her. He tells Keene 
he blacked out and when he woke up he 
was looking down from above. At these 
times he was not in control. Someone 
else was doing the bad things. Below, he 
could see himself choking Reitler 

I realized I had done it again,” he tells 
Jim. In a panic he drove the 20 miles from 


a reprint of the very fists 


Marion 


» Wabash and parked the v 
his parents’ driveway, leaving Rei 
nd inside. He went to his ге 
paced back and forth until he c 
his mind. Later that night 
drove into a wilderness arca, where he 
killed and buried her 


n 
ler 
m and 
ald clear 
he says, he 


Jim still needs a more pre 
Tricia Reitle 
find a way t 
susp 

appear 
him in the 
From the dı 

by his workbx 
so Jim enters u 
closer to Hall, o 


his cell, Keene І 
m and the w 


ks for 


TV 
orway he sees Н. 
ach, N 


As he 
ег his shoulder he sees 


The StsDigtal Collection 500 


not just one falcon but several, all nearly 
identical. Hall places one after another 
п different spots marked in circles on 
1 map. As soon as Hall hears Jim 


behind him, he dives forward to caver up 
the map. “Jim, what are you doing here? 
he asks. “You know you're not supposed 


to be here.” As he folds up the map, Hall 
says he has just finished a project to send 
to his brother in Wabash 
Keene f the fal 
turns it over in his hand 
unpainted, it is intricately finished. Hall 
reaches over to pet the top of its head. 


his fingers trembling. “These are totems, 
Jim,” he says. “They watch over the 
dead.” His eyes are wide, and he looks 


1 back. 


ready to cry. Jim hands the fal 


1 better leave,” he says, “before that 
guard comes back 

Keene practically runs through the halls 
to the phone room. If Hall carved the fal- 
cons to watch over the dead, then the spots 
on the map are where he buried his vic- 
tims, First he calls Agent Butkus and gets 
her answering machine. He warns her 
to intercept the map before it leaves the 
prison. Next he calls Big Jim. “I want to 
give you some peace of mind,” he says. “І 
really think I've figured this out and ГІІ be 
leaving any day now 

When Jim returns to his cell, he sees 
Hall is still away. Hall gets back minutes 
before lockdown, Now Keene can't contain 
himself. He walks across the hall and pokes 
his head inside Larry's cell. "Looks like 
he says 

Hall pulls back as if 
he has been slapped 
What are you sa 
ing?" Hall asks. “I 
thought your sen- 
tence was 40 years 


That is enough to 
mess with Hall, but 
Keene 
Just thinking about 


has more 


his release—from 
Springfield, from 


the whole prison 
system—makes him 
giddy. “Larry,” he 
says, “after what you 
told me, І realize you 


belong here the rest 
of your life, I don't 
sec how you can live 
with yourself 

Hall backs up 
deeper into his cell, his 
eyes wider than ever 
As Jim walks across 
the hall, he hears him 
whine, “Beaumont 
sent you, Beaumont! 
Beaumont! 

Keene sleeps well 
that night. The next 
morning, he wakes 
to the sound of 
keys rattling, As he 
turns to the light, 
guard after guard 
piles into his cell. A 
short, squat woman 
in a pantsuit hovers 
over his bed. She points a finger at him 
and shouts, “Who are you, and what are 
you doing here 

Jim still has a blanket wrapped around 


him. “What do you mean?" he asks. “I'm 
James Keene 
T want to know who you really are,” she 


says. “Why did you hassle my patient with 
all these questions about his cases? 

Her patient? Keene realizes she is Hall's 
shrink. When he peers through the pha- 
lanx of guards, he sces Larry standing 
behind them. She continues to bark ques- 
tions: “Did the prosecutor send you? Did 
you see the file? Did you see my report?” 


Two guards grab Jim by each arm and 
drag him out of bed, “You're going down 
into the hole until you decide to tell us 


PLAYBOY 


124 


the truth,” she says. They put him in 
cuffs and shackles and push him outside 
in his bare feet with no more than his 
boxer shorts and T-shirt. Still groggy 
from sleep, Jim stumbles forward like a 
man іп a dream 

He is back in the hole again, but he tells 
himself it is just a misunderstanding. As 
soon as the FBI gets his message, it will 
set him free. But the day wears on, and no 
one comes except the guard with his tray 
and a change of clothes. No one comes the. 
next day, either. Jim whistles for a guard 
and waits until he is close enough to see 
his eyes in the eye slot, “Officer, now listen 
to me,” he whispers. “I'm not just a regu- 
lar criminal. I'm here working undercover 
with the FBI, and if you can just get me to 
the chief psychiatrist — 

“Shut up,” the guard says, “You're as 
crazy as the rest of them.” The guard 
never looks through the eye slot again 
Jim is scared. He knows he looks as crazy 


as he sounds. This is exactly what Big 
Jim had feared when Keene told him 
about Beaumont’s plan—that somehow 
his son would end up lost in the system 
Jim paces for hours, cursing himself for 
blurting out what he said to Hall 

He did not keep up his regular meet- 
ings with the chief psychiatrist. Now his 
life depends on getting word to him, Yet 
he can't have the guards think he is a 
nutcase, either. Over the next few days 
he tries to build a rapport with a night 
guard, acting as normal as possible. He 
thanks him for his food and chats about 
the weather for the few moments he is 
by the door. Finally, without telling him 
why, he asks if he can see the chief psy- 
chiatrist. The next day, when the guard 
starts his shift, he tells Jim the psychia- 
trist is on vacation for another week. 

1t is all Keene can do to keep from 
screaming. The next seven days seem to 
take an eternity to crawl by, but finally the 


"I swear. It won't happen again. Without thinking, I broke 


ranks and voted my conscienc 


js 


slot at the bottom of the door slides open, 
and he hears the psychiatrist whispering, 
“Jim, what's going on? The guards tell me. 
you claim to be with the FBI. You're not 
supposed to say you're with the FBI.” 


“And you're not supposed to go on 
vacation,” Keene says. “Get hold of that 
FBI lady.” he says, raising his voice, “or 


Fll tell everyone in this prison you work 
with the FBI” 

Within hours the guards rap on the 
door and tell Keene to put his hands out 
for cuffs and then attach the shackles, 
As he hops alter them, he sees Butkus 
at the end of the corridor, surrounded 
by men in suits, “Take those off of him, 
she orders. As the guards remove his 
cuffs and shackles, she says, “Jim, I'm 
sorry.” For some reason his message 
never got through to her 

The suits surround Keene and Butkus. 
Together they march through the main 
corridor of Springfield as the inmates 
head in the other direction for lunch 
c who know Keene stand with their 
ths open as his procession passes by. 
Keene and company head right out of 
the building and toward another corpo- 
rate jet on the runway, 


Once again on the plane, his handlers 
treat him like a brother. “They had this 
whole turkey meal waiting for me—prob- 
ably the best food I had in months—and I 
ate it like a wild animal,” says Jim, “Janice 
sat next to me and kept apologizing, but 1 
was raving at her—scratching at my beard, 
food flying from my mouth. "That was 
really bullshit, 1 told her. ‘I can't believe 
you left me there that long; " But even as 
he rages, Jim is on his way to freedom 


To this day, no one will tell Keene what 
happened to the falcons and the map: 
Although he did not locate Reitler's 
body, as Beaumont required, he had 
gotten Hall's confession to her killing. 
Keene passed a battery of polygraph 
tests to prove it, Beaumont honored his 
agreement, and in February 1999 the 
judge granted Keene, after a year and 
a half behind bars, а full and uncondi- 
tional release 

Ironically, if Beaumont’s gambit did not 
succeed in providing closure to one fam- 
ily—the Reitlersit did for the Keenes. 
Alter his release Jim got the chance to 
spend another five years with his father 
before Big Jim died of a heart attack 

After the encounter with Keene, some- 
thing snapped in Hall. He was trans- 
ferred to another prison medical facility 
and is no longer competent to stand 
trial. Meanwhile, back home in Wabash, 
with both parents dead, Hall's twin, 
Gary, has taken to telling acquaintances 
his brother isa serial killer. He admits he 
watched his father retrieve a map from 
Larry's van that had little circles, each 
with a рв inside them—what he took to 
mean “dead body.” He counted 22 circles 
before his father burned it. 


NOBODY MOVE 


(continued from page 100) 
Jimmy." 


“Сап I borrow the Cadillac, Jimmy? 
“Whats wrong with that Camaro of yours?” 
“Too many people know 

“Like Deputy Rabbit, you mean." 

n I have the keys 

“Тһе door's unlocked," he said. “E put 
the keys under the floor mat. But I wouldn't 
advise driving around in that thing.” 

“Is it stolen?” 

“Not legally, I guess. Gambol doesn't 
deal with the police.” 

umbol? І thought you shot him." 

“He didn't die." 

“Is he running around looking for it?" 

"Probably not. Not yet. If he is, he's run- 
ning around on one leg.” 

Luntz stared while she sat on the bed 
and stuck her toes into the legs of her panty 
hose and stood up straight and hiked her 
skirt and wiggled her underwear all the way 
on. She dropped the hem and smoothed 
her skirt, One at a time she kicked her 
black pumps into position on the floor and. 
worked her feet into them. She got on her 
coat and opened the door. 

"Wait a minute,” Luntz said. “І want to 
talk to you, І mean, about last night." 

“What was your name again?” 

“Jimmy Luntz. I had a good time last 
night.” 

"It was kind of a fluke, Jimmy.” 

“I get that, Yeah. But maybe we could 
have coffee or something.” 

Leaving the front door ajar, she went into 
the john and came back and handed him 
her cell phone. “Hang on to this phone. If 
it still works, maybe I'l call you.” 

She gave him a little salute and walked 
out, and he sat there holding her phone in 
his hand for 10 minutes 

After 10 minutes he set the cell phone 
aside, clapped his hands together twice 
and stood up. He got dressed and got 
his gear together, He had no jacket other 
than his white tuxedo, He put it on and 
pocketed the cell phone, He picked up 
Gambol’s duffel by the handle and looked 
around for anything he might have for- 
gotten. A knock came at the door. 

Не opened it quickly. It wasn’t Anita. 

‘Two very clean-cut men stood side by 
side in the doorway, one of them hold- 
ing up a badge. "We're with the Federal 
Bureau of Investigation. 

Luntz said, “Wow.” 

The man put his badge away and 
told Luntz both their names, but Luntz 
didn't hear. 

“Wow,” he said. “For a second I thought 
you were Jehovah Witness people.” 

Сап 1 ask your name, sir?" 
Franklin. But listen—I'm about to hop. 
ona bus. Pm late.” 

"Where's Mrs, Desilvera, Mr. Franklin? 

"Mrs. who? 

"The lady staying here with you." 

“Oh. I didn't get her last name. Just 
her first" 

“Are you two pretty good friends? 

They're on a first-name basis” the other 
one said. 

“1 just met her last night.” 


“Yes. We're aware of that.” 

‘The other one said, “What's in your ba 
‘Two million dollars?” 

“What?” 

“Didn't she tell you she's sitting on a pile 
of other people's money?” 

“We barely got introduced.” 

“We understand that,” the nicer one said. 
“Did she say where she was goin; 

“No, sir. Destination unknown. 

“Let me tell you what this is about, Mr. 
Franklin, In just a few days your friend 
will plead guilty to embezzling two 
point three million dollars.” He waited 
for a reaction and seemed satisfied with 
Luntz's speechlessness. 

“You didn't know about it?" the other 
one said 

“No, sir. No. Embezzlement—that's а 
federal thing, huh?” 

“She'll plead guilty to state charges. But 
until the money goes back where it belongs, 
we're very interested in her. Federal charges 
aren't ош of the question. Can you show us 
some identification?” 

Luntz dug out his driver's license and 
handed it over 

“I thought you said your name was 
Franklin.” 

Yeah—but that’s when I didn't know 
who you were. 

“L told you who we were.” 

"Oh," Luntz said, “that’s correct. І guess 
I got confused. I thought you guys were 
Jehovah Witnesses." 

“Really?” 

“Look, І have to catch a bus south 
in fifteen minutes. I mean, now it’s ten 
minutes.” 

“When will you be seeing Mrs, Desil- 
vera again?” 

“Never. 1 got the impression it was, you 
know—a fluke.” 

“A fluke.” 

“That's the description I'm giving it.” 
vhat’s in the bag? That's not her bag, 


“It's mine. I's my luggage, is all.” 
“1 bet you wish it was her lugga 
“So she still has the money, huh 
“Was she carrying anything, Mr. Luntz?" 
“You mean like a satchel with a big old 

dollar sign on it 

Neither of them 

“Just a purse, 
big” 

“You mind if we look around the room?” 

“Help yourself. I'm all checked out 
And I'm really late, so—yeah. Okay if I 
get moving? 

“That'll be fine. We 
your name, Mr. Luntz.’ 

“Okay. I sure hope I make that bus." 

They stepped aside for him, and the 
nicer one said, “Good luck.” 

“1 was born lucky.” 

Luntz set out at a good pace without a 
backward glance. He had no idea where he 
was going. 

In his pocket, the cell phone started 
ringing. 


ghed 
Luniz said. “About yay 


"ll make a note of 


Gambol closed his eyes. He felt his head 
nodding forward and rode a Ferris wheel 
down into violent cartoons. 


He shivered, but he didn't feel cold. 
When he shivered, the pain filled his 
right leg. 

“I want another shot.” 
Not for two more hours,” the woman 
said. “This isn't an opium den. 

He opened his eyes. He wore a frilly blue 
nylon robe. Probably the woman's 

"Where's my clothes?” 

“How many times are you going to ask 
me that?” 
Fuck you.” 
Your stuff went out with the rest of the 
bloody trash.” 

Gambol's head drooped, and he looked 
down into Jimmy Luntz's face. 


The landscape had that blond central-valley 
look. Some pine trees. Oaks. Orchards, 
Farmland. Sunny and still. They drove 
south in the Caddy past Oroville, looking 
for a shopping mall. The speed signs said 
65. Luntz stayed legal. He kept his window 
cracked to suck his cigarette smoke away 
from Anita's face 

Luntz said, "Dude who worked in a 
casino in Vegas told me about this hip- 
pie. This hippie comes in out of the desert 
night, creeps into the casino all scraggly 
in his huarache sandals and tie-dye shirt 
and Hindu balloon pants, and he goes to 
the roulette table and reaches into this 
little pouch tied to his belt and comes up 
with one U.S. quarter, Lays the quarter on 
ack. Little ball comes down on twenty- 
two black. He lets it ride, doubles again, 
switches to red, doubles his dollar, takes 
his dollar to the blackjack and wins ten in 
а row, doubling every time, Ten in a row 
True story. One thousand and twelve dol- 
lars. He pulls his chips and heads for the 
craps and starts betting with the shooter, 
double whatever the shooter bets, Inside of 
{wo hours the house is clocking his action 
and he's comped with free meals and he's 
drunk on free booze, and he's still at the 
craps, with a crowd around him, bet- 
ting а couple hundred а throw. By three 
AM. he's stacked up over three grand off 
an initial investment of twenty-five cents. 
And suddenly, in four or five big bets, all 
gone—he busts out. Stands there thinking 
а minute...folks around him watching 
He stands there.... Everybody's shouting, 
‘One more quarter! One more quarter!" 
Old hippie shakes his head. Staggers back 
out into the desert after one hell of a night 
in a Vegas casino. A night they're still talk- 
ing about. Total cost was twenty-five cents 
A night hell never forget.” 

For a person who doesn't drink coffee," 

Anita said, "you sure run your mouth." 

“It keeps me from thinking about 
things.” 

“Like what?” 

“Like who you are and what the fuck 
you want. 


Cigarette smoke in his nostrils woke Gam- 
bol, and he coughed, and the woman said, 
“Sorry.” waving it away. 
“Lots of folks are quitting these day: 
“What century are you in, guy? I'm the 
last smoker on earth.” 


125 


PLAYBOY 


126 


“How long have I been here?” 
“You don't remember yesterday?” 
“When was yesterday?” 

“You were walking and talking.” 
valking?” 

“And swearing. In a real creative style. І 
poked my head into that culvert, and you 
hopped right up and walked right to my 
car. Then,” she said, “I couldn't get you out 
of the car. 1 had to do the whole thing in 
the backseat. Debrided the wound and all 
the rest, The backseat of a Chevy Lumina 
is not the place for that.” 

nbol closed his eyes. “I feel like I 
weigh ten tons.” 

“You lost a lot of blood. A lot. I scored 

one liter of plasma, Nothing else but glu- 
cose and water.” 
“Feels like he shot me through the bone.” 
“He missed the bone, Or you'd be in the 
ER right now getting your leg saved and 
probably talking to a detective.” 

“I don't talk to detectives.” 
nd he missed the big artery, or you'd 
be dead.” 


At the Time Out Lounge in the Oroville 
Mall they sat in the rearmost booth, and 
Jimmy only stared at her, never sipping 
once from his Goke. She took a long swal- 
low of vodka and Seven and said, “Oh 
well...was Lon TV again 

"How did you steal two point three mil- 
lion bucks?” 

"Didn't the TV tell you? You run a bond 
election for а new high school, you float 
the loan, turn on the computers, transfer 
it here and there—zip, all yours." 


“That's greedy." 
Then the money gets missed right away, 
and the list of suspects is extremely short. 
Then somebody gets arrested.” 

“Well,” he said. 

“Well what?” 

“I guess you were greedy enough to take 
it but not mean enough to frame an ass- 
hole. Excuse my language,” he added, “but 
where І come from that's what they call the 
guy who gets sacrificed—the asshole.” 

She laughed without feeling amused. 
“There was definitely an asshole,” she said. 

“IF you've got it stashed, you're doing 
it right, wandering around acting broke. 
That's doing it right. But if you've got it, 
why don't you just disappe: 

"For one thing, I'm due in court to enter 
а plea and take a deal. Probation and life- 
long restitution. If I miss that date, the 
judge'll void the deal and max me out 
That's six years at least.” 

“Kind of a long time to wait to spend 
your two million.” 

“Have you lost count already? Two point 
thr 

“What's a point or three among 
friends?” 

“I haven't got any friends. And І haven't 
got the money. I just know who has it and 
how to get it.” 

No comment from Mr. Jimmy 

“Doesn't that interest you 

"You're interesting every way there is.” 


This Jimmy was your basic bus-station 
javelina but a nice enough guy. He insisted 
on giving her two Ben Franklin hundreds 


“Take it from me, honey, the best way to a man's 
heart is through his fly.” 


before they left the lounge. “You're with 
me now.” 

“That's not established.” 

“By ‘now’ I just mean now—right this 
second, That gets you at least a couple 
hundred.” 

He led her into JCPenney, where he 
stacked generic-looking items on one of his 
arms and went into the dressing room wear- 
ing his shiny black pants and white tuxedo 
and came out in chinos and a Pendleton. 

"Where's your fancy threads?” 

“On the floor in there. І shed those 
babies like a sui 

“You're fast." 

“These days, 

She picked out a JCPenney pantsuit, a 
JCPenney blouse, à JCPenney skirt and 
the cheapest underwear they had. While 
Jimmy stood around waiting for her she sat 
in the dressing room momentarily naked 
with these latest humiliations at her feet 
and rage in her heart. JCPenney. 

She changed into the pantsuit, gray pin- 
stripe, and made sure she had her shoul- 
ders back and her smile on before she 
swept aside the curtain, “Does it fit 

He stared, and then he went for his 
Camels and put one between his lips, real- 
ized where he was, dropped the cigarette 
into his shopping bag. "It fits 

“You're sweet,” she said, and she sort of 
meant it. But not as a compliment. “You're 
homeless, right?” 

“I have а home. I'm just not going back 
there, is all.” 

“So right in that shopping bag is every- 
thing you own.” 

"Everything І nes 
"And your white canvas bag—what's in 
one?" 
verything 


ife is fast 


I need." 
sin it. A sawed-off shot- 


1 completely unsurprised 
“I's not a sawed-off. It's a pistol grip. And 
it isn't mine.” 
“I peeked in the bag while you wer 
hower. 
‘ou zipped it up real nice,” he said. 
"Good for you." 


n 


Jimmy Luntz drove the Caddy north. He 
watched the dial and kept under the limit 
Again they passed through the blond coun- 
try. Some vineyards here and there, lots of 
vineyards. Either vineyards or orchards 
with very small trees. He asked her if those 
were vineyards 

“What do you care? Are you a wino? 
Anita drank from an extra-large Sprite in a 
go cup, doctoring it with vodka. 

Orchards. A roadside stand selling Asian 
pears spelled ASIAIN PEARS. Then higher 
country, the road winding. They lost the 
jazz station, He found another, just geezer 
rock. Tight curves, tall pines and geezer 
rock. “Is that the Feather River?” 

By way of answer, she took a swig and 
coughed. 

“Hell ofa lot of trees,” he said. 

“That's why they call it the forest. 1 hope 
we're not going camping.” 

“We are if I can't find this place 
before dark.” 


“Look, Jimmy—who is this guy?” 
T knew him in Alhambra. 
Is that a prison? 

“Ива city a few hundred miles from here 
In your state. California. 

She pushed the button and her window 
came down and the wind thudded in the 
car as she pitched her empty and listened 
for the small musical sound of the boule 
shattering behind them. 

“You're nice," he said, 


PLAYBOY 


"when you're 
sober” 

“Have you ever seen me sobe 

1 think I did for about a minute. 

She lay her head back on the headrest 
and closed her eyes. 

Luntz turned down the radio and kept 
his eyes going left and right, looking for a 
building, a sign, anything 

After a while she opened her eyes 
“What's the plan? 

“So far the plan is І can 
can't stay here. That's the p 

You know what I mean. Wh 
plan?” 

Luntz stalled foi ds, starting a 
cigarette, He set his lighter on the console 
between them. “I think if you're looking for 
a gunslinger, you better keep looking. 

You said you shot Gambol 

Only in the leg. I should've put two 
more in his head, just in proper observ 
of the rules. Instead I took pity. You don't 


Us the 


20 sece 


want a guy with pity in his heart 

Td like to know what the plan is.” 

I didn't say yes yet. Let's sit down with 
a paper and pen and map out the pros 
and cons 

Great 

Don't say great yet. Say great when I 


say yes, 
1 just hope І chose the right guy.” When 
Luniz said nothing, she added, "Don't 


be insulted 
Tm not insulted. I just think it's bullshit 
for you to act like you had a choice 


lled a hefty 
1 and big 


The wom s wh 
blonde, in jeans and a 
pink fuzzy slippers. She smoked 

1 watched crime shows and 
on TV while Gambol nodded 
watched cartoons in his he 
a lot at the shows, 
woke him up. 
|, “Whe 


rettes 
ke jud, 
ut 


he w 
Es the vet 


she said. 


Like cat- 


huh? I guess t 

iat kind of 

Il like pets? 

ughed, too drink from her 
e kind of booze—and set it down 


PS UA. NAS BEEN SLES PUALEING 


CEMBÁL ARE AND MADON RURE GAY 


JUDE ALL AFTERNOON, WEEVIL. J 
Se PAR we've KELT leg ovToF Tue Ви 


pe 


nd six days. Dealt with lots of com- 
d 


ma 


month 
bat trauma." She exhaled straight up 
10 avoid blowing smoke in his face. 
veteran. Not a veterinarian." 

"Whar's your name, lady?" 

"Mary. What's yours?" 

“Fuck you." 

"That's what I thought." 

He nodded off and shot Luntz four times 
in the crotch, waited while he suffered and 
then left him with two in the head. 


In the last light they parked the Caddy and 
1 out, Behind the building the ground 
toward a tiny shantytown by the 
cr, half a dozen trailers, pickup trucks, 
couple motorcycles. She asked him if this 
as some sort of gang hideout, and he said 
it was the Feather River Tavern, that's all 
They entered a large cafe with a torn- 
up floor and secondhand tables and a 


view of spectacular cottonwoods drop- 
ping their seed tufts on the river in the 
dusk, and the trailers 

Jimmy glanced at the man behind the 
counter and said "Wow" and sat down at 
a table with his back to the counter. “Sit 
there,” he told Anita. 

She sat across from him. 

He's not theone I want 
ing his fingertips together 

No. 


Is that him?” 
Jimmy sa touch- 
Не looking?" 


[€ You ASE ME, IT’S A MIRACLE: 
WE HAVENT BEEN BUSTED 
BERE Abw- 


Jimmy glanced over his shoulder at the 
man once more, quickly, and said, “Okay, 
TILhit the head. Ask him about selling a 
Harley. Like we've got a bike to sell. Don't 
mention any names.” 

“He's coming over” 

Jimmy stood. “Get me a Coke, okay? 
He touched her arm with two fingers as he 
walked past her 

The other man approached. He was 
slumped and bony, and the knees of his 
jeans brushed together as he walked. “Got a 
special today. Trout." He wore a red head- 
band around a shaggy gray mullet 

“Maybe just a couple Cokes, please." 

Behind the counter he opened two cans 
and poured them into glasses with ice, all 
the while looking at her with something 
other than the hunger of a man. Something 
more like envy. After she'd reached pubes 
her mother had looked at her like that 

He brought her the Gokes and set them 
down, each with a cocktail napkin. His fin- 
gers were long, the fingernails too. On his 
left ring finger he wore a large turquoise 

Anita said, "I have a Harley I might like 
to sell. Do you know anybody who could 
point me in the right direction? 

John's out back. He'd be the one.” 

She sipped her Goke and wished for 
vodka. Jimmy came back from the can, 
hiding his face by wiping his nose with 
a paper towel, and sat down across from 
Anita again. “What did he say? 

“Пе said John’s out back.” 

“That's the one І want.” 

He tossed down а five, and they Іей their 
Gokes and cocktail napkins and went out 
the front way and around the side of the 
building. Jimmy headed down the slope. 
She removed her high heels and followed, 
taking each step toes-first and dangling the 
pumps from the fingers of either hand 

Beside a teardrop aluminum trailer, a 
bearded biker in denim overalls sat on a flat- 
back chair, messing with an old guitar, the 
guitar flat on his lap and his head bent low 
He did't raise his head from this oper 
but said, “Getting too dark to see this shit 

Jimmy said, “Can you actually play that 
thing, Jay? І didn't know that.” 

"Gol to get the strings in it first.” 

Jimmy said nothing more. The man 
raised his head. He placed his hands flat on 
his guitar. "I think what І want to say right 
here is "What is the meaning of this? 

Jimmy took a white handkerchief from 
his back pocket, spread it on the trailer's 
step, seated himself and said, “First of all.” 

The biker looked Anita over and then 
turned facing Jimmy and said nothing. 

Jimmy said, “I'm not out to snitch on 
anybody, that’s the first thing. All secrets 
remain completely secret.” 

“So far so good.” 
This is Anita 
Capra." 

The man rose halfway and said to Anita, 
“You want to sit down?" She shook her 
head. He sat back down and held the guitar 
gently in his lap. “It’s a strange world.” 

"Did you notice Santa Claus stopping by 
here one time las spring? That guy we call 
Santa Claus?” 

“With the white beard." 

"Works in a mall every Christmas.” 


This is my friend Jay 


“I saw him,” Capra said. “I didn't think 
he saw me.” 

“Yeah. He did. He mentioned this place.” 

“Say hi to him next time.” 

“No,” Luntz said, “no next time for me.” 

Capra kept quiet 

Jimmy placed his elbows on his knees and 
leaned forward. "Who's that dude in there, 
Capra? In the cafe. That's Sally Fuck.” 

“Just possibly. If so, his name would be 
Sol Fuchs. He's against being called Fuck 
But the thing is—last names, man." Capra 
plucked one of the stringsand turned a key 

ment's neck and tightened it 
is is a pretty fucked-up si 
incognito here, you know?” 
us 
held out her hand and said, 
Anita Desilvera. And this is my friend 
Jimmy Luntz.” 
took her hand gently 
ow all our dicks are han 
“Pleased and charmed.” 
Capra laughed, He stopped laughing. 
Fucking Santa Claus. Who else knows?" 

“Whoever he told. Nobody believed 
him,” 

"You did. 

“Not really. But I'm in 
I'm taking any long shot 
like action 

“What do you need, Jimmy? 

"Remember that time I let you stay with 
me and Shelly? 

“Lowe you, Jimmy. That's a 

“We need to hunker down a minute. Get 
some options figured out 

Capra tangled his fingers in his beard 
and yanked at it. “How many days? 1 hope 


ов the instr 


nd said, 
ing out.” 


wild mood, so 
anything looks 


s days, n nd not weeks.” 
now 
t matter none. І owe you, and 
that's a fact. But it’s Sol’s place, not mine. 


All can do is talk to Sol." 
Anita said, “Till next Wednesday” 
“Wednesday's probably acceptable.” 
apra stood and set his nthe 
seat of his chair and started up the hill. By 
now it was d 

At the bottom of the staircase up the 
building's side Jimmy waited while she 
brushed the soles of her feet and put her 
shoes on, and then they climbed behind 
Capra up to the small landin 
worked a key and let them in and flip 
a wall switch. A bed, a stove, a fridge. 
Wooden floor with the finish scratched off 
For a curtain, a bedsheet. “You ca 
the restaurant for the usual price, or you 
can make a list and I'll bring you shit from 
the store in a box. It’s up to you. I'll get Sol 
to go along as far as Wednesday.” 

From beneath them Anita felt the gigan- 
tic quiet of the empty establishment down- 
sta 


rs. “Is the restaurant closed? 
“Open for business. But most of the 
folks who come here are down in Bolinas 
for the biker convention.” Capra looked 
her up and down and seemed to exam- 
ine her face carefully. “So what happens 
Wednesday” 
“Wednesday I go 
"Yeah. I know you." 
“Nobody knows me.” 
“You're slightly infamous.” 
“All lies,” Anita said 


court.” 


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Contents copyright © 2008 
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129 


PLAYBOY 


180 


>!" Jimmy said. “John Capra didn't die” 
ope. My old lady wanted alimony 
That's unacceptable. І cut her some slack. 
I walked." 

"Like a real gentleman," Anita said 
ah, it was, lady. I know twenty dudes 
would've taken her out to the Mojave and 
buried her alive for that shit.” 

“I didn’t mean it,” Anita said. 

Сарға put his hand on the doorknob 
and stared at her, but he was speaking to 
Jimmy. “This one got the beauty that goes 
‘down to the bone, High heels or barefoot, 
don't matter.” 

“She can sing, loo." 
“I can't tell if she's powered by a lot of 
soul or a lot of psycho electricity." 

Anita said, “Do you always talk about 
people like they're invisible?” 

“Usually just women.” 

It was one of those hippie-student pads 
smelling like cat shit, incense, a little dirty 
laundry, dirty dishes. She said, “Does some- 
body, you know—clean?” just to be a bitch. 

“T said Lowe him. I didn't say I was his 
slave." Capra shut the door softly behind 
him, and the windowpanes rattled as he 
went down the stairs 

Jimmy lit a cigarette and said, “Honey? 
Im home!” 

Anita said, “ls this a smoking room?” 

“Yeah. І smoke.” 

“Well, fine, Smoke.” 

He blew smoke and opened what 
looked like a closet door. “Even a bath- 
room. No tub.” 

Anita sat on the bed, “Jeez, the mattress 
is like quicksand, Help!" 

“Don't get lost. lll be back.” He went 
out the door, and she listened to the panes 
rattle while he descended, and then she 
settled back onto the bare feather pillow. It 
stank, A few minutes and someone shook 
the panes again coming up the stairs 

It was Sally—Sol—with sheets and a blan- 
ket. “Funky, funky, funky,” he said, "but it's 
bigger than mine, I have a studio downstairs 
olf the kitchen,” He stood by the bed looking 


haggard, though he smiled. “Might as well live 
near the job—I have to be in the kitchen by six 
AM. anyhow, Can you stand it, honey?” 
“Sure” 

The renter just moved out. The plan 
is we clean it up and move in next week 
Me and Jay” 

u mean—you and Jay? Move in: 


“Move in. Me and Jay. That's the 
situation 
“Okay,” she said. 


“Might as well take a shot. At least he's 
not going anywhere. He's stuck.” 

“So you guys all knew each other some- 
where. Alhambra.” 

“Alhambra, USA. Jimmy burned up the 
life down there, huh? Fact is, there's a real 
coincidence going on here. 1 got a little 
crazy down there myself." 

Well,” she sa 

“Who's after him? Is it the cops, or is it Gam- 
bol and Juarez and all those nice people?” 

“I know he knows Gambol. But you 
know what? Jimmy shot him 

Sally still held the towels. Picking at 
the fabric with one hand. “Jimmy Luntz 
killed Gambol?" 

"No. I don't think he's dead.” 

"Then Jimmy's dead.” 

71 don't think Jimmy’ hang around 
for that 

"Then what's Jimmy hanging around for 
now?" He looked at Anita. "Oh. 

When Sally was gone, Jimmy came back 
with his duffel and their JGPenney shop- 
ping bags and set them all down beside the 
bathroom door. “The earthly goods.” 

Anita said nothing, making the bed. 

Jimmy put on a phony smile and stuck 
his hands in his pockets and watched. 

How's old Sally Fuck doing: 

“He seems nice enough. 

“He's not, not nearly.” 

“Who's Juarez?’ 

Jimmy iit a cigarette. 

“Or did he mean Juarez like the place 

“Sally mentioned Juarez?” Jimmy took 
one drag and tossed his smoke through the 


“I told you not to order the chef’s surprise!” 


bathroom door into the toilet. “Juarez is not 
the place. He's a guy who owns a couple 
dumpy clubs and porn joints, Sally disap- 
peared two or three years ago with a whole 
Jot of money, and there's a bounty out for his 
head. It wasn't Juarez’s money, but Juarez is 
the kind of guy who collects things.” 

“Like bounties.” 

“Yeah. You're quick. Listen. Whatever 
you do, don't talk to Sally about the 
situation.” 

“What situati 
Exactly. You got it, Don't talk to him." 


Mary understood her patient was impor- 
tant to Juarez. Juarez had promised her 
20 grand to gei this man walking again. 
Juarez hadn't said what he'd give her if 
things went wrong. 

To Mary the patient didn't look like any- 
body important. Long-limbed, long-faced, 
with a heavy brow and deep-set melancholy 
eyes that made him seem thoughtful, But 
he was beginning to impress her as stu- 
pid. After every hypo of morphine sulfate. 
he hopped on a cloud and held court for 
about 30 minutes. Apparently, he'd once 
man's testicles 
rez ate one, and Tate one. Neither 
one of us puked. Because when I hate 
somebody, my hatred is bitter. It eats away 
inside me till I do something horrible to 
soothe it. It has to be the most horrible 
thing you could ever think of, or else that 
hatred won't stop eating.” 

He sat on the couch in Mary's pastel-blue 
bathrobe, his wounded leg laid out on the 
ottoman. It looked like a bloated corpse. 
She knew it hurt 

“1 itch all over. I gotta piss. I haven't 
pissed in two days.” 

“Honey, you're on a morphine bash. You 
won't be able to piss till it’s over.” 

*1 know that loser,” he said. 

“Are you calling Juarez a loser? 

“Not Juarez. Jimmy Luntz.” 

She brought him the Бедра 

He gave her the finger, “Get that thing 
away from me. 

“Just try and p. 

can't pee on cue. 

“Ha ha 

“1 like the way you laugh." 

“Honey, that was fake.” 

In the nylon robe the patient looked 
ridiculous, holding his tool in his hand and 
steering it toward the metal pan, gazing at 
her, contented, doped up, expressionless. 
“Mary. Right?” 

“Right.” 

“You are what we call a hefty blonde, You 
look about forty.” 

“Tim forty-four. Thirty-eight in the bust." 

“Forty-four years old? That's okay. I 
used to like the young ones, but ever since 
my niece started growing a bust herself, I 
changed my taste. Now the young ones all 
look like my niece. 

Mary tossed the empty ampoule under 
the sink. "Enjoy yourself, big guy. That was 
the last happy hypo. Alter this it's just оху- 
codone and amoxicillin 

“Fm trying to straighten her out. She got 
arrested for shopliftng." 


(continued on page 133) 


PLAYMATE 


Sure, Law & Order is ripped from today's 
headlines, but mercifully few of us can 
relate to being the victim of a violent crime 
In the Motherhood could touch a lot more 
people. It’s a series based on the lives of 
real moms: They write scripts, then send 
them to inthemotherhood.com; the best 


are made into short webisodes. The three 
main on-screen mothers are played by Leah 
Remini, Chelsea Handler and our Miss 
October 1993 Jenny McCarthy. Jenny's 
character is the well-manicured Kelly, whe 


Бабка 


3 


А BEAUTIFUL DAY IN THE MOTHERHOOD 


ring > 


yy moms without half an 
ratch TV can b 


nter- 
starts 


thinks she's always 


‘Only a mother can comprehend what 
In the Motherhood means,” Jenny says 
Mothers have a whole different kind 


philo: 


mom understands. There 


we have to deal with 
The webisodes have recorded 21 milli 
views, prompting ABC к 
chise. Look for extended versions of the she 
to be broadcast on TV in the near future 


BOOB. 


QUIZ 


ght. Method acting’ 


Ву and lifestyle that only another 
are certain sce- 
narios that happen in a mother's life that 


»ption the fran- 


NY ] QI 
NEWS 


15 YEARS AGO THIS MONTH 


Miss August 1993 and 
October 1994 cover girl 


proved 
Playmates 


can do 


more than 
fill out a 
sundress 
when she 
competed 
success- 
fully in tri- 
athlons for 
the Playboy 
X-Treme 
Team. Now- 
s she 
runs Primitive Planters, a 
business that sells fabric 
plant hangers. 


= Deal or NOD: 


MY FAVORITE PLAYMATE 


QUESTIONS: CHARLOTTE КЕМІ 


Have you been busy by Char, which is a business for 
Not really. I recently moved acid-staining furniture. Maybe 1 

to the Houston area, and I do have a lot going on 

either play tennis or hang out Any other projects 

by the pool. T did get back to my passion: 
That sounds relaxing. Arc iting. І have been writing k 


n the Centerfold experi 
ther Pla 
We didn't know you wrote 

Yep, I'm actually 
working on my mas- 
ter's degree in Er 
lish at the University 
of Houston. 

Do your cl 
recognize y 

No, and that’s fine 
I get the 
in class, so they prob- 
ably think of me as 
that bitch.” Ha 


you not working these days? 
i Well, I often update charlotte 
kemp.com. I just put up some 
videos of myself and my 
Playmate friends, 
: You do know how 
to throw a party 
: Oh, that reminds 
me: A girlfriend and I 
just started an event- 


myself and 


planning company 
called Joie de Vivr 

So you are busy 

My sister and I | 


also run Fauxcrete Misa 


est grades 


Miss March 1972 Ellen Michaels 
has found a new passion on the 
other side of Ihe camera—as a 
nature photographer. Inter- 
estingly, her wildlife subjects 


live in New York City. She E 
trains her lens on animals 
in Central Park and on the NB 


locally famous Fifth Avenue 
hawk Pale Male. “Pale Male 
actually assumed the same pose 
for my camera as І assumed for 

the famous Salsoul zeugen 
Orchestra poster for 

which I am known,” FIS 
she tells us. Ellen has Ы 
been posting her pic- 
tures on New York 
City's Audubon Soci- 
ety website... If the 
is a cool event with a 
hyperexclusive guest 


lis, its nevera surprise — 55 
to see Miss February Mies 
1990 Pam Anderson ШЕ 

photography 


there, but would you 
believe she attended the White 
House Correspondents’ Associa- 
tion dinner? Well, 
she did, and she 
really turned heads 
) іп a town John 
McCain has called 
4 “Hollywood for 
{ ugly people.” From 
the New York Daily 
е Ё News: “Geeky male 
E policy wonks and 
Pam Ande ink-stained reporters 
mobbed the former 
Mrs. Tommy Lee for 
photo opsand close-up 
glances at her anatomical assets...” 
Miss April 2005 Courtney Culkin 
walked the streets of Manhattan 
to raise money for AIDS research 
“Even though there has been a lot 
of publicity about drug treatments 
that are prolonging some people's 
lives, they don’t work for 
everyone, and there is still 
no cure in sight,” she said $i 
before AIDS Walk New 
York. Courtney was 
able ıo earn more than ef 
$3,000 for the cause. 


A 
с 


wows news- 
hounds. 


Courtney Culkin 
walks with a purpose: 


MORE PLAYMATES: 


See you favorite Playmate's 
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at cyber. playboy.com ог 
download her to your phone 


mobile.com. 


NOBODY MOVE 


(contimued from page 130) 

“Who?” 

“My niece. Aren't you listenin; 

Sure. And taking note: 

"Em trying to tell her a few things, get 
her lined up for the future. She says there 
is no future,” 

“Pee, or put your dick away.” 

“Her dad just died. My kid brother. 
Thirty-seven years old. Allergic reaction.” 

"Reaction to what?” 

“Fuck if know.” 

"You better find out. If it runs in the 
family- 

“Him and I were the last men in the fam- 
ily. Now it's me. ІГІ croak, the family name 
is erased." 

"What's the name?” 

“Just call me Ernest.” 

“Not Erni 

“What do you think?" 

"Okay. Ernest.” 

“Yeah. Okay, What about a happy 
ending?” 

“Not dying when somebody shoots you 
is about as happy as it gets." 

“Do you know what I mean? Like the 
massage girls? I mean a blow job. That's 
a happy ending." 

“Happy for you, is all. For me it's a 
mouthful of fackwad." 

“What's Juarez paying you for all this 
medical care?” 

“Enough to get four acres in Montana.” 

“TIl put five on top of it.” 

Five what? 
Five K." 

“For a blow job?" 

“For nothing. For saving my ass. Like a 
thank-you." 

„wre welcome, Now close your pretty 
robe.” 


. 


Juarez called. Gambol couldn't make sense 
of the conversation. Juarez said, or Gambol 
said, “Fucking Luntz.” One of them said 
Fucking Luntz 
ambol. You there: 
Yeah.” 
Then talk. Don't just breathe. I been 
hearing from him time to time.” 

“Who: 

“Fucking Luntz. This asshole makes my 
stomach hurt. He refuses to behave, and he 
refuses to make sense. I hate him.” 

“Fucking Luntz, 

“It's embarrassing to hate your enemy. 
When you're cold, that’s better. Then you 
can move, You're more precise—you know 
where respect comes from? When you're pre- 

ise. Gambol. Gambol.” 

Yeah. 
“Are you using a cell phone? What's 
her phone?” 

“No.” 

“Ts it a cell phone 
1 said no.” 
Fucking cell phones, you never know 
what with them. 

“I like her. 

“Mr. Gambol.... Jesus.” 

“Put five K on top. That's from me.” 


“Definitely. Whatever you need.” 
“Whatever she wants.” 
“Sure. How doped up are you: 
“Who?” 
“Good. But not too much. Put Mary on. 
She there?” 
She's always here.” Gambol stuck the 
phone in Mary's face and closed his eyes. 


Luntz preferred shows with plenty of skin, 
but tonight he had no opinion. He let Anita 
control the remote and sat in the only chair 
with his legs straight out and his ankles 
crossed, staring at his brown socks and dip- 
ping his ashes in a coffee cup. She sat against 
the wall in the bed in her pin-striped pant- 
suit. One channel afier another. 

‘Around 10 they turned in. She wore her 
bra and panties to bed. They lay side by 
side, Luntz in his boxers and T-shirt. He 
rested his check on his outstretched arm 
and tried conversing. She told him she felt 
sweaty and asked him to keep his distance. 
He tried touching her bare shoulder with 
his finger. His hand shook. She turned to 
the wall, and then she asked to have the 
outside half of the bed. He got up for that, 
found one window that wasn't stuck and 
raised it three inches. Anita turned the 
television back on. 

He put on his pants and shoes and went 
down the stairs. 

The cafe was closed, but there was light 
in there from somewhere. He banged on 
the door. Turned his back and watched the 
road. Not one car. 

Sally opened the door. “Jimmy Luntz, as 
I live and breathe." 

Luntz said, “God. 
here.” 

“Please don't call me God. I'm a sinner 
like you.” 

"Where's Capra?” 

"Zonked in his Airstre 
there. It smells like socks. 
Luntz brought his wrist close to his face. 
Us only eleven.” 

"You want to set a coupl 
back? And wrap up in blanke 
to the river and watch the stars? 

“What for?” 

“Exactly. Exactly, man.” 

“Sell me some booze." 

Back upstairs again, he stripped to his 
underwear while she poured a big one, not 
too much Sprite, and got half of it down 
without pausing for breath 

“You do drink like an Indian.” 

“Or else my pants wouldn't have come 
off last night, so don't complain." She 
lay back, raising her drink like a torch 
10 keep it level, and slipped two fingers 
into the elastic of her panties and snaked 
them down around her thighs and ran 
two fingers over her mound, back and 
forth, and looked right at him until he 
was forced to clear his throat and swallow. 
The crushed ice sloshed in the go cup as 
she finished her Popov and Sprite and set 
the cup aside. 

The TV emitted a small steady roar. 
In the show a man clung to the side of a 
speeding train. Luntz let the TV run so 
he could see her by its light. All through 
their lovemaking Anita kept quiet, but she 


There's a lot of stars 


1 won't go in 


of chairs out 
and listen 


looked right at him. When she came, she 
said, “No. No. No.” 


Next morning Anita seemed morose, sit- 
ting naked on the bed's edge, staring at 
her clothes all bunched up together on the 
floor. He came out of the shower and found 
her like that. She didn't look at him, He sat 
beside her on the bed and toweled his hair 
and lassoed her around the shoulders 
the towel, holding the ends in either hand, 
and she didn't scem to mind. 

He studied the general moment, taking 
the atmospheric temperature, and let her 
go. “What's on TV?" he said. "I usually 
watch in the daytime.” 

“No, Really?" 

“I get up late and just stay in bed and 
burn the daylight down." 

night person.” 
That’s right, yeah. І blend in better 
that w 

“Not the outdoor type.” 

“Му idea of a health trip is switching to 
menthols and getting a tan," he said. “І 
don't like push-ups, sit-ups, ex cetera, Et 
cetera, І mean." He'd been corrected in 
this several times but always forgot 

“You're cute enough," she said, "but you 
got a sissy body.” 

Didn't you know that?” 

“What?” 

“That it’s et cetera, not ex cet 

“Yeah, man, I did. 1 just didn't feel like 
embarrassing you,” she said and headed 
for the bathroom. 

When she came out he told her, “I 
watched you going to the shower and 1 
thought 1 was gonna break down crying." 

“Oh,” she said. 

‘Come here.” She sat beside him, both of 
them naked, and he kissed her, and the tem- 
perature felt better. "Td like to try it sober” 

“Сап we wait till after breakfast, when 
I'm not hungover?” 

“Sure, Let's go downstairs. What are we 
having 

“Beer. 

“No problem. Day or night, Sally can fix il." 

“Is he sleeping in the other guy's trailer? 
Who's the other guy again?” 


do they sleep? Downstairs or in 


the trailer’ 

“Who? Sally and Capra? 
sleep together. 

“Sally told me they're moving in 
together. 

“Wow. No shit?” 

“That's the story.” 

“IF it's love, it's love," he said, "I had a 
woman I lived with off and on for—Jesus. 
Six years. And it was never love. And if it 
ain't love, й ain't love 

"TIL tell you what's lov 
loves to state the obviou 

"Don't piss on my philosophy." 

“Tm just hungover. And Im scared." 


They don't 


Jimmy Luntz 


No. You name it. 
“Yesterday, today and tomorrow Any- 
thing elsc—hell, ГІ spit right in its face. 
“What do you mean? There's nothing el 
“See? Boy loves to state the obvious. 


138 


PLAYBOY 


194 


When they made love a while later he 
tasted a litle beer on her breath, but she was 
sober, They lay together afterward, and she 
rested her leg over his. They watched a show 
on TV about the miracles of forensic sci- 
ence, and Anita told him it was a bogus show. 
“There are six thousand unsolved murders a 
year in this country 

(s hope so,” he said and switched it off 
“What now 
егу do what I always do." 
“Which is?” 

ble down, honey.” 

“You want to try me in a different posi- 
tion?” The way she said it, his throat tight- 
ened and he couldn't answer 

She asked him to go on his knees by the 
bed—while she sat on the edge with her 
feet on the floor and her legs apart—and 
get into her that way 

It didn't work, Anita said, “You're too—" 

“I'm not eight feet tall, yeah. It can't 
happen.” 

But she liked it fine the regular way and 
called him Daddyman and cried no, no, no 
when she came. He lay beside herand dried 
the sweat between her breasts with a corner 
of the bedsheet. Then to keep from asking 
questions he sat up and put his feet on the 
floor and lit a cigarette. But she touched 
his back with her fingers, and the question 
asked itself. "Why are you with ше?” 

“1 likea bad man who hates himself. I want 
all the bad people to hate themselves.” 

“Are you bad, Anita?” 

“Yes.” 

“Do you hate yourself?” 

“Not enough.” 


Luntz went down once around three FM. 
and came back upstairs with burgers 
fries and soft drinks and vodka. She m 
love like a drunken nun, and he liked t 
but the conversation afterward was not at all 
aimless or relaxed. “What you really want, 
he told her, “is revenge 

“Yeah. Гус fantasized about re 
you want to hear how sick it gets? 

“No.” 

“The judge has the money. Or half of it 
at least 

“What about Hank?” 


ge. Do 


“Fl take care of Hank.” 

Luntz said, “You don't hide two mil- 
lion in a shoe. They've got it in some off- 
shore account. 

“The judge is a sick old man. When we 
put two guns in his face, he'll come up with 
it, We'll make him transfer it.” 

“Must be eleven felonies in that scenario.” 

“Unreported felonies. You can't steal stolen 
money. Ifa tree falls in the forest and nobody 
hears it, did it really make a sound? Fuck not" 

Luntz said, “You're the sure shot. In my 
whole life, I've fired exactly one bullet.” 
Anita said, “І can knock bottles off a fence 
all day. But I'm not the guy who shot a guy." 


Blondie sat on the ottoman, helping him 
with leg lifts 
“What's your name ag: 
Mary.” 
How much more of this shit 
Till 1 say, Or else you'll lose muscle mass, 
and you'll gimp around for months.” 
"It looks good. I mean the sutures and all, 
a very professional job. Were you in a war?” 
"D was on a hospital ship off Panama dur- 
ing that thing and at the Army hospital in 
Frankfurt during the first Gulf. And I did 
six months in Iraq in oh-three.” 
“No shit. Where'd you get all the 
equipment?” 
Stole it. I work as a temp sometimes, in 
different clinics. And the hospital 
“You sell it out of your garage, 
Nope. I just like to steal things. 
She helped him lie on his belly on the couch 
and started an alcohol rub between his shoulder 
blades. He told her, "Baby, don’t ever stop. 
“That's what they all say 
“Pm sorry if your car's ruined.” 
Yo, man, І know gunshot wounds are 
bloody. I had the whole backseat and floor 
covered in plastic sheets all ready for you.” 
Ashe spoke, lying there under her pleas- 
ant hands, he felt his chin lifting his head 
up and down. “I guess this whole business 
is pretty fucked, huh? Guy with a hole in his 
leg just shows up and moves in.” 
71 don't mind. It’s got some reality to it 
Like war. 
“So how did our boy talk you into this; 
“He sends me money every month.” 


n 


what?” 


SINCE THIS IS 


“Why?” 
“Because my attorney said so.” 
“You were married to Juarez?” 
“I know what you think—I got fat and 
middle-aged and he dumped me. But no, 
he dumped me way before that. Then I 
joined the service 
She helped him ease over onto his back, 
and she began on his shoulders and chest 
“Are you a natural blonde? 
“None of your business,” she said, “but 


you get mixed up with a 


icans are human 100." 
m just curious. Wait,” 
moved her hands to his legs, "you 
ping the important part.” 

“How well do you know Juarez?" 

“We go way hack." 

“Not as far as me,” she said, “Ever won- 
der why Juarez doesn't have any Mexican 
friends? Why he's not in with a totally Chi- 
cano gang with headbands and tattoos and 
all that? I mean, where's his Mexican bud- 
dies? Is because he's not Mexican, He's 
Jordanian, And partly Greek, I think.” 
You mean Juarez is an Arab?" 
rab, yeah. His name is Muhammed 
Kwa-something.” 

“He's a fucking Muslim?" 

"What? I don't know.” She put her hands 
lightly on his groin. 

‘Gambol pushed her hands away, gripped 
the back of the couch and hauled himself to 
a sitting position. “І could've called any one 
ofa thousand guys on the phone to get my 
ass out of that culvert, And not one of them 
would've done it. Only Juarez.” 

She tried to close the robe for him, gave 
up, moved to the end of the couch, wide- 
eyed. “Sorry.” 

“Juarez is not a fucking Muslim.” 

71 didn't say he was. Sorry.” 

“Соте here. I'm going to come in your 


he said as she 


kip- 


fac 


“Lie back down and keep the leg сі 
vated.” She stood up and gave him the fin- 
ger. “You're not ready for tanget practic 


With her lipstick in one hand and the bottle 
in the other, she took two swallows of Popov, 


and it went down like mother's milk. Jimmy 
wrested it away from her and screwed the 
cap on and said, “No drunks in court.” 

She leaned into the mirror and got 
her lips just right. She turned to him. 
Um nervous,” 

“Beautiful women don’t get nervous.” 
He rested one hand on her shoulder. 
“Just cross your fingers and stay calm 
And don’t talk fast.” 

“Гуе seen it done. 

He escorted her down the stairs 

Just before she got in the car, he took out 
his wallet and handed her five $100 bills 

"Hey. No.” 

“Take it, You're with me now" 

As she got into the Gaddy, he said, 
Remember,” and raised two crossed fin- 
gers—"and don't talk fast.” 

He shut the door for her as she turned 
the key. She gunned it twice. He tapped a 
finger on her window, and she lowered it 
all the way. 

He put his forearms on the sill and 
leaned toward her and said, "Let's get it.” 

“Бог real? 

“Yeah.” 

“Don't say it if it isn’t real.” 

“Гус more or less done the hard part, 
which is gunning down a member of the 

ngster police force. I declare their shit 
null and void,” His eyes were wide and his 
face tight with fear. 


Mary came in from the store and set two 
white plastic bags of groceries on the 
kitchen counter. The next thing she did was 
light a cigarette. She wore a skirt today 

Gambol held out the classifieds and 
shook them at her. "Call this guy 
Who 
Buy the gun. He's offering a case of 
ammo, too, but don't take it, Is there а gun 
store in town? 

“How would I know that?" 

"Look in the book for a gun shop. 
me some MagSafe ammo for a three- 
seven Magnum. They come in packs of five 
or six. Get me ten packs. You need me to. 
write that down? 

Don't strain your mind." She opened a 

drawer in the kitchen and found a pen and 
pad. Sat on the coffee table and placed her 

Cigarette on the ashtray's edge and crossed 
her legs like a secretary. She had good legs. 
Say again." 

MagSafe. Threc-fifiy-seven Magnum. 
Ten packs. And a box of fifty regular 
rounds, too—the cheapest, it doesn't mat- 
ter: And get me clothes, three of everything. 
Extra-large shirts, extra-large T-shirts. At 
least a forty-inch waist for the shorts. And 
forty-two waist and thirt 
slacks. I'll reimburse you 
jogging shoes. Eleven-E. 

“It won't be the same, you without your 
cute robe.” 

He looked at her legs 

“Ernest. What are you looking at? 

"Let me ask you something. What did you 
think, fighting against the Arabs and know- 
ing you used to be married to a fucking 
Arab? That one of them used to fuck you?” 
Hey. Arabs are human too. 

Gambol ground his thumb down onto 


the burning ember in the ashtray and 
extinguished it. “And get a new robe for 
yourself. Get a short one.” 


Gambol examined the gun. It looked fine. 
When he needed to know for sure, he 
could take it five miles in any direction and 
find a place where gunshots wouldn't dis- 
turb anybody 

Магу stood b 
her. 

Gambol said, “Jesus Christ." 

“Is this the Kind of robe you had in 
mind?" 

She unfastened the belt of Gambol's robe, 
and he said, “I told you—no bedpan." 

“That's not what I'm doing,” she said 
and knelt before him. 

He watched her. She enjoyed what she 
was doing, he saw that. And he smelled 
breakfast cooking, too. 

She paused and raised her face to him. 
“Juarez didn't pull you out of that culvert 
id 

She lowered her face to him. 


fore him until he noticed 


Luntz unzipped the duffel bag. He laid the 
shotgun on the bed. 

Сарға didn’t touch it, “Pistol grip's illegal 
in California 

“And smoking’s illegal. Everything.” 

Сарға ran one finger along its length. 

Where'd you get it?” 

"Won it in a poker game. 

“Do you have evil intention 

7L thought I might sell it or something.” 

“How much you want for it? 

“І don't know. I might kee 
how to use it.” 

Capra hoisted the gun. “Watch my thumb. 
See this button?” Luntz watched as Capra 
ran the slide back and forth repeatedly— 
klick-ack! klick-ack! klick-ack'—and eight 
red shells popped out one by one onto the 
mattress. “Well, don't travel with it loaded, 
for one thing. Cops frown on that shit. Any- 
way"—as he ran the slide back and forth 
again, klick-ac 
night there. You hear si 
stairs, just—klick-ack!—"and to an intruder, 
that’s the ugliest sound in the world.” 

“How do you get the shells back in?” 

“Under here. You want "em out, push 
this button like I showed you and run the 
action. And thisone is your safety. Red side 
ош means safety off. Push it in and your 
trigger don't pull.” 

Luntz accepted the gun from his hands 
and slipped the shells back into the magazine 
one by one and made sure he had the safety 
on. “I think I'm considering a little move.” 

“Obviously. 

“Td be willing to accept some help.” 

“Jimmy, I'm not like that. If I was like 
that, my ex-wife would be dead.” 

Luntz replaced the gun in the duffel and 
zipped й shut and shoved it his whole arm's 
length under the bed. 

“Unload it,” Capra said. “You going to 
unload it? 

Luntz said. 

"Don't let Sol find out about that weapon. 
He's skittish.” 

“You always used to call Sally Sally, 


it. fT knew 


& 
TO 


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facturers you can contact for infor- 
mation on where to find this month's 
merchandise. To buy the apparel and 


equipment shown on pages 88-89 
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JOSH PECK 


Pages 88-89: Armani Jeans, 
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9170. Geoffrey Beene, macys 
«com. John Varvatos Star USA, 


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COWBOY UP 

Pages 96-97; Haspel, haspel 
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Pendleton, pendleton-usa 
Seaward & Stearn of Lon- 


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135 


like everybody else. 
“Things change. 

IF it's love, it’s love.” 

Tm just saying things change, man." 

‘Don't I know it. 

Capra put his hand on the doorknob but 

od still. “Timmy.” 

Yeah. 

You've gotten quiet. I like it.” 


PLAYBOY 


Juarez called. He told Gambol, "A really 
funny thing happened." 

Tm not in а mood for funny.” 

This is a really funny thing. But it’s not 
for this kind of phone. This is a pay-phone- 
to-pay-phone kind of funny thing. Call me 
in ten minutes.” 

“І don't have any pants on.” 

“What 

^I won't repeat myself." 

‘What are you wearing, honey?" 

“Fuck you. Give me two hours. I need 
an hour just to get my pants on. Make it 
four o'clock." 

“Exactly four o'clock РМ. Get some pants 
Then get ready to laugh your pants ой” 

He did sound like an Arab. 


She didn’t know if she talked fast oF slow. 
She forgot to cross her fingers. She didn't 
glance once at Hank, not once, that much 
she knew. That was the important thing. 

Afterward, outside the courthouse, Hank 
gave her back the key to the house. Just 
walked up and handed it to her like a 
flower. “Babylove. Come on over. You've 
қоға couple things at the place.” 

“A couple? My whole life is in that house.” 


“We don't have to break off contact.” 
“The fuck we don't, Five days ago in the 
Packard Room you didn't have anything 


more for me than Gajun chicken. 
“Five days ago the last nail wi 
“In my colli 
“Poor choice of words.” 
He wore a tailored charcoal suit 
1 looked like crea 
How much did you pay for that tie?” 
“Money's no object, Not lately, Babylove.” 
“Do you have some formula you're work- 
ing here? You call me Babylove X times and 
poof you're not a piece of shi 
“Lam a piece ol shit." He put his hands 
in his pockets and smiled. He wasn't that 
good-looking. He simply had this way about 
him that suggested it was his party and the. 
human race was lucky to be his guest 
“You never let me in. You ripped olf two 
point three million dollars and never me: 
tioned it. And then you framed me for it 
He said, “Somebody has to be the desig- 
nated bad guy." 
‘Why can't the real bad guy be the bad 
guy 
“In this kind of situation, that honor goes 
to the cutest. You're the cutest. 
“What an honor.” 
“The one they'll punish least. I'm not as 
cute as you. I know it's cold-blooded, and 
I'm horrible and mean, but lift your head 
up and take in the scenery here. Does it 
look like prison? It's over, and we're both 
136 standing on the street. 


His 


“Meanwhile I pay eight hundred a 
month, and no job.” 

“Babylove. Wake up. It's over” 

ght hundred a month for life. How 
over is that?” 
Are you staying around?” 

“What do you think? 
I'm not staying around either. Why 
don't we not stay around together 

“Do I look that desperate? All I need in 
this world is half a tank of gas to get to the 
next man. And he's а better man than you.” 

“Don't kill me. Don't you know you 
can kill me, talking that way? I'm the one 
who's desperate.” 

“You lie and you lie and you lie.” 

“What do you want? Just tell me.” 

1 want to see you grovel. 
T'm groveling now. How do you like it?” 

“L love it. That tie must've cost two hun- 
dred dollars.” 

“There's more where that came from. 
Why don't we share the wealth?" 

She turned around and left. She didn't 
look back. 


Later she drove by the house. He probably 
asn't home. No reason he'd be home at 

11 AM. But his gray Lexus sat in the drive- 
way. The Lexus didn't mean he was home. 
He might be driving a second car. He 
could afford one. He could own eight cars 
by now. He could be heading a parade of 
newly purchased automobiles down Main 
Street, In her shaking hand the key chain. 
jingled. She put the key in the lock. She 
‘swung open the door. He was home. “Baby 
love,” he said. “I'm pouring you a drink 

Seven minutes later he went down on the 
floor by the bed. She said, “I like you on 
your knees, Daddyman 

She saw tears in his eyes. 

She was weeping too. “Now beg. 


Ernest Gambol proceeded into the traffic 
and across the street, looking neither right 
nor left, setting his aluminum cane down 
hard with each step forward. The pain was 
good pain. Different than before. 

He entered the parking lot of the Circle 
As he passed behind the Wonder bread 
truck idling out front, its reverse lights 
flared, He struck the nearest one with his 
cane and shattered it, He made his way to 
the pay phone, where he rested his weight 
on both feet equally and allowed four min- 
utes to pass. He punched the buttons and 
called the pay phone out front of O'Douf's 

Juarez answered. “Alhambra here.” 

“It's те” 

“Are you re; 

“Tm ready.” 

“You got yc 

“Jesus Christ 

“Are you ready?" 

“I said I was.” 

“Do you remember Sally Fu 


dy to laugh?" 


r pants on: 


To be continued. 


Look for the next installment of Nobody Move 
the September 2008 issue of PLAYBOY. 


BEN STILLER 


(continued from page 52) 
you spend a lot of time in them. On the 
other hand I'm not Matthew McConaughey, 
who has literally lived in an Airstream trailer 
for the past 10 years or something. 
PLAYBOY: What's so special about your trailer? 
STILLER: It's not like I did anything fancy. 
But why not be able to have the place 
you're spending 12 to 14 hours a day in 
be comfortable? 

PLAYBOY: But what makes the Ben Stiller trailer 
different from the standard star wagon? 
STILLER: It's 500 feet wide and 30 feet tall 
It's the largest man-made trailer on the 
North American continent, It has built-in 
speakers and a trampoline because, as you 
know, I'm а tumbler. No, come on—i's 
just a regular trailer. Nothing ground- 
breaking. The big difference is, it doesn't 
have to be disinfected. 

It’s risky having my own trailer, though, 
because then І have to be happy with it. 1 
can't complain to the movie company about 
its not being big enough: “My trailer's not 
big enough!” “But you made it!” Same 
thing when you're directing and acting in a 
movie. What can you do, yell at yoursel 
PLAYBOY: Because of things like the trailer, 
most people assume your life is pretty 
cushy, What is the biggest fear you've had 
to overcome? 

STILLER: Гус been lucky in my life. But the 
scariest thing I've been through did not 
involve cameras and directors, I can tell 
you that, It was when my son, Quin, was 
born. The doctors told us there were com- 
plications. He suffered a trauma because he 
inhaled amniotic Quid, which has waste in 
it, So he was in a neonatal intensive-car 
unit for three days. That was the most fear- 
ful time Eve ever had. 1 felt totally out of 
control. There wasn't anything І could do. 
1t was surreal seeing all those little babies 
who are there for weeks at a time and the 
stress it puts on the families. We became 
friendly with the parents of the baby in the 
incubator next to Quin's. This little kid had 
to have three surgeries, and he was only а 
few weeks old. I got a letter from his mom 
about six months ago, saying their son 
hadn't made it; that was crushing. You go 
through something like that and you real- 
ize there are no guarantees in life, You have 
10 be thankful day to d; 

PLAYBOY: How's Quin doing now? 

STILLER: He's great. You've never seen a more 
healthy, fun-loving kid. And here's the irony 
He's the funny one in the family. 

PLAYBOY: Do you ever think of just pack- 
ing it in? 

STILLER: Sometimes I say to Christine, "Let's 
just get out of here and buy a farm in Vir- 
ginia.” I think I saw somewhere that some- 
body—maybe it was Robert Duvall—lives on 
a farm. I read that and it was like, Oh wow, 
that’s what Гус got to do, 

PLAYBOY: Is it? 

STILLER: [Laughs] 1 seriously doubt that's 
going to happen. A farmer? It’s probably a 
hard thing to learn at 42. Now that I'm talk- 
ing about it, it sounds terrifying. I think ГІ 
stick with what I'm doing for a while, 


ASHLEY 


(continued from page 102) 
darling,” says trainer Nick Bollettieri, who 
is credited with developing Andre Agassi 
and Monica Seles, “But cute gets you only 
so far. Ashley's a son-of-a-bitch tenacious 
competitor who's racking up victories 
The woman is a powerhouse. 

Then again, she'll tell you she just 
likes the game, “І grew up playing tennis 
for the fun of it,” says Ashley, who came 
of age in tiny Flintstone, Georgia, wh 
her nickname, naturally, was Pebbles 
Though she was a precocious athlete, 


her big break came when her grandfa- 
ther sent her to a tennis academy. “It 
was a big deal, at 11 or 12, to suddenly 
be practicing with the likes of Jennifer 
Capriati. I mean, І 
had a poster of Jen- 
nifer on my wall 
and here I was hit 
ting with her 

Soon Ashley be- 
came a poster girl 
herself. Alter her 
vietories in presti- 
gious juniors tour- 
naments, Nike 
signed her to a lu- 
erative contract, and 
the courtside pa- 
parazzi perked up. 
1 played at Wim- 
bledon and saw ріс- 
tures that showed 


my butt for three 
days in а row in the 
paper," she says 


Ashley rolls her 
eyes when saying 
this, but she cer- 
tainly understands 
why there's so much 
fuss. "Of all athletes, 
women tennis play- 


She has certainly needed faith at times 
in her career. A few y » the pressure 


ly started to get to 
«аст, and 1 just 


of playing profession: 
her. “I was rising up the 
wasn't enjoying any of it 

Part of the problem was that Ashley's 
natural sense of competition had esca- 
lated into a fierce battle with herself. “I 
1 on practicing 

about every- 

> afraid to 
pr competi- 


became completely fixat 
and exercising and worryir 
thing Late," she says. “I was 
gain weight, Td go into ma 
irunk nothing but w 


tions havi 
knew I had 


At 19 she entered a treatment program 
for her addictions to overtraining and 
counting calories. “I needed to get right 
again,” she says. “It doesn't matter how 


many tournaments you win if you aren't 


Girls of Summer are 
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Among her rivals, Ashley singles out 
Argentina's Gisela Dulko and Russia’s 
Maria Kirilenko as the top hotties 
“There are a lot of beautiful girls on the 
tour. Tm just one among many." 


That said, Ashley was never particu- 
larly comfortable being compared to 
Kournikova, Part of it may be personal 
Ashley's ex-husband, Alex 
moloy Jr., was a top-100 tennis pro 
born in Russia. “He and Anna were 
friends,” Ashley says. “They called each 


Bogo- 


other cousin even though they weren't 
related. He lived in her guesthouse for 
while, and we would eat with her.” 
Were Ashley and Аппа friends? “I'm try- 
to be nice,” Ashley says delicately 
nna is stunning to look at, but she's 
probably a bit damaged from what 
she's been through 
That's how she act— 
a bit damaged. 

Bur another kind 
of damage really 
gets Ashley fired 
up, the kind caused 
by steroids and hu- 
man growth hor- 
It's 


mone out 
there, definitely, 
says Ashley, who 


claims she has never 
been tempted to use 
an artificial boost 
If you look at some 
of these girls and 
then look at their 
parents, you can see 
something's fishy 
When not play- 
ing or practicing, 
Ashley's a home- 
body. You'll often 
find her near her 
house, running on 
the sand or 
ing around a foot- 


ers are the sexiest www.playboy.com/lingerie www.playboy.com/vix ball with friends. 
she says. “When you But she occasion- 
play до much, you Order online at: store.com Checks should be made ally glams up for a 


can't help but get a 
great body. Every- 
thing's toned. Your 
legs look great, your 
ass is tight, and you 
show it all off be- 
cause you can't wear 
100 much when you're playing. 

All that translates into perlorming bet- 
ter olf the court as well. “I do think ath- 
letes have better sex," she asserts with a 
bashful giggle. “Who wants a waily girl 
with no definition to her body? I like that 
1 have some power and that everythin 
tight.” Also, she notes, exercise increases 


Secaucus, NJ 07094 


stamina: “So when you're doing, you 
know, other things, you can just keep 
going and going 

Ashley clasps her hands over her mouth 
at this admission; after all, she grew up 
singing in church and once got a Jesus- 
fish tattoo. But there's no conflict: “Pos- 
ing in pLavsor is a big deal to me,” she 
says. "I still believe in God, but God made 
female athletes beautiful and sexy, and I 
want to represent that 


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happy with who y 
The time away from the game helped 
Ashley clarify her priorities, and she has 
never been happier. "The decision to do 
praysor came from this newfound pride in 
my body and in my strength as an athlete. 
she says. “I feel sexy in my skin now 
Talking with Ashley, we realize why 
female tennis players draw so much 
attention. She's charming, laughs cas- 
ily and is definitely a people pleaser, as 
when she gives up the goods about what 
really goes on in the women's locker 
room. “Tennis players don't mind show- 
off their bodies,” she says. “Often 
in the locker room 1 feel other girls 
n me. If I'm feeling fit, that can 
be intimidating to my competition. It 
means T'll be really quick out there.” 


eyes 


Sales Ta NJ (арш od 7% L add 9% 


night on the town 
Coming to L.A 
was an eye-opener, 
she says. “You see 
beautiful women in 
beautiful cars, and 
it makes you a little 
competitive. But I love it. І can't imagine 


ЕС 


being anywhere else right now 

Then, with the flash of a grin, the 
small-town girl from Flintstone comes 
back into view. “I grew up in a place 
with one stoplight, but now look at me, 
she says in genuine amazement at the 
turns her life has taken. “I'm still true 
to my upbringing, but I'm so grateful 
to get this chance to show myself as a 
woman, as an athlete, as someone who 
has struggled to overcome things. I'm 
really happy right now.” 

Now she has given herself a chance to 
build on that happiness. As Ashley climbs 
the ladder, we'll be right behind her, 
cheering her on. 


187 


Ma ro р oye 


Words Fail Us 


w neathag 
¢ boob, but we 


PALTROW skirt is 
so short we can see 
her leit buttock from 
the front. What 
that—retro check? 
Front rearage? 


WII Never 
Work Out 


JACKIE WARNER 
is the star of 
Work Out on 
Bravo, and her 
abs could beat 
up your abs, 
Look all you 
want, fellas, but 
don’t touch: She 
likes girls. 


p 


Stripped Moll 

Don't mess with KERRI PARKER—she's one oí Sal 
Maroni's girls. Played by Eric Roberts in The Dark 
Knight, Maroni is a Gotham City gangster who tussles 
with Christian Bale's Batman. 


Porn Leader 
In Rome's municipal 
elections, veteran 
porn star MILLY 
D'ABBRACCIO 

ran as a Socialist. 
"Enough oí these. 
ass faces," pro- 
claimed her poster, 
and 


herselí as the der- 
riere of her party. 


0 
ee 


Get Your 
Smirn Off 


For all you guys 
forced by wives 
arlirlitiends to 
watch the show: 

Yes, we 
that a Women of 
Dancing With 
the Stars pictorial 
is a great idea. 
We're on the 
case. Does that 
mean this peek 
down KARINA 
SMIRNOFF'S 
dress is a sneak 
preview? We're 
not telling, 


Journalistic 
Grab-Ass 
Little is known 
about MENA 
SUVARI's Бо 
friend. Gossip 
columnists say 
only “dancer 
Simone Sestito.” 
Here's our try | 
at speciicity: | 
close-cropped, 
dagger-tongued, 
well-inked, 


madras-tastic 
dancing butt 
squeezer Si- 
mone Sest 
Oh, that gu 


Whatever It Means, She’s It 
We couldn't believe TINA JONES didn't even make the finals of the Page 3 
Idol contest held by UX. tabloid The Sun. (See May's Grapevine for the 
winner.) She says she's “well chuffed” about appearing in pramon. 139 


ШШ схі Month 


і 
WILL THE BUCKEYES FINALLY STOP CHOKING? 


HIGH TEASE: BRITISH PAGE GIRLS 


ANNA FARIS—YOU'VE HEARD ABOUT HER FORTHCOMING 
MOVIE THE HOUSE BUNNY AND ITS AMUSING TAKE ON PLAYBOY. 
BUT DID YOU KNOW SHE CAME UP WITH THE CONCEPT? OUR 
COVER GIRL REVEALS THAT AND MORE IN 200. 


GEEK LOVE — BEAUTY AND THE GEEK PROVED TWO THINGS: OPPO- 
SITES DONT NECESSARILY ATTRACT, AND AMANDA COREY IS A 
STUNNER. WE GIVE HER A BREAK FROM QUADRATIC EQUATIONS: 
AND PROVIDE THE PLAYBOY MODEL WITH HER OWN PICTORIAL. 


YOUNG GUNS—LOS ANGELES, 1985: A POSSE OF GUITAR- 
TOTING OUTLAWS STARTS TO CLAW ITS WAY TO THE TOP OF THE 
SUNSET STRIP MUSIC SCENE, AMID RUMORS THAT AXL'S NEW 
GUNS № ROSES MAY FINALLY DELIVER THE LONG-AWAITED. 
CHINESE DEMOCRACY ALBUM, STEPHEN DAVIS GIVES AN INSIDE 
LOOK AT THE FORMATION OF THE DIRTIEST, MOST DANGEROUS— 
AND GREATEST—ROCK BAND OF THE MODERN ERA. 


PAGE 3 GIRLS—NO WONDER THE ENGLISH ARE SO JOVIAL: 
THEIR NEWSPAPERS FEATURE NUDE MODELS. KEELEY HAZELL, 
LUCY PINDER AND MICHELLE MARSH HEAD OUR SHOWCASE 
OF THESE GORGEOUS BRITISH SENSATIONS. 


NOBODY MOVE III—IN THE THIRD INSTALLMENT OF DENIS 
JOHNSON'S GRITTY MODERN NOIR, GAMBOL IS ON THE МЕМО 
AND HUNTING JIMMY LUNTZ. ANITA HAS HER OWN PLANS FOR 


THE RISE OF GNR-WELCOME TO THEIR JUNGLE 


AMANDA HUG N KISS. 


REVENGE, WHICH INVOLVE BULLYING A CORRUPT JUDGE OUT 
OF $2.3 MILLION. AND JIMMY? HE'S TRYING TO STAY ALIVE, BUT 
HE HAS FALLEN FOR ANITA—A WOMAN WITH NOTHING TO LOSE, 


FAST COMPANY—AFTER WE REVIEW THE MOST FRIGHTENINGLY 
FLEET SPEED RACERS FROM THE PAST QUARTER CENTURY, 
WE REDLINE THE SPEEDOMETER OF THE NEW SSC ULTIMATE 
AERO—AT 256 МРН--ІМ THE DESERT OUTSIDE LAS VEGAS, 


THE REAL MCCAIN—REPUBLICAN NOMINEE JOHN MCCAIN 
CALLS HIMSELF A GOLDWATER CONSERVATIVE. NOT SO FAST, 
SAYS FORMER NIXON WHITE HOUSE COUNSEL JOHN DEAN. 


2008 PIGSKIN PREVIEW—A SERIES OF STUNNING UPSETS LAST 
SEASON (APPALACHIAN STATE HUMBLING MICHIGAN AND STAN- 
FORD TOPPLING USC HEAD THE LIST) CREATED A JUMBLE ATOP 
‘THE NCAA POLLS. THIS YEAR GARY COLE SEES A CLEAR WINNER. 
HINT: THE TEAM HAS WON THE TITLE WITHIN THE PAST DECADE. 


MAD MEN—AMC'S DRAMA BROUGHT HIP 19605 AMERICAN FASH- 
ION BACK TO DESIGNERS’ WORKROOMS. NOW WE DRESS THE 
CAST IN THIS FALL'S HOTTEST THROWBACK SUITS. 


PLUS: HELL RIDES MARY CASTRO IS NAMED BABE OF THE 
MONTH, AND MISS SEPTEMBER VALERIE MASON COULD PASS 
FOR A FEMUN IN THE FLESH. 


Playboy (ISSN 0082-1478), August 2008, volume 
North Lake Shore Drive, Chicago, Illinois 60611. P 
dian Publications Mail Sales Product Agreement No. 400355 


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