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You hold in your hands the issue con- 
taining the fourth and final installment of 
National Book Award winner Denis 
Johnson's serialized work of fiction No- 
body Move. The gritty noir novel, written 
for us on deadline, will be published be- 
tween book covers by Farrar, Straus 
and Giroux next spring. “I've never writ- 
ten anything this fast, in just a few 
months,” says the author of Tree of 
Smoke and the short-story collection 
Jesus’ Son. "I ve had the basic concept 
in mind for quite a long time, but getting 
it on paper this quickly was something 
new for me." So what will the author, 
who divides his time between Idaho and 
Arizona with his wife, do now that the 
ride is over? "lm going back to a couple 
of literary novellas I've been tinkering 
with for decades," he says. “I'll probably 
have to tinker with them for a few more." 


For The Adderall Effect, journalist Frank 
Owen spent finals week on a college 
campus to report on the academic- 
performance-enhancing drug culture of 
the new millennium, Owen reveals that 
Generation Rx is bringing about a revival 
of the prescription-pill lifestyle. “Kids 
today can't afford to tum on, tune in and 
drop out," he says. “They need to drop 
in." Owen's book on meth, No Speed 
Limit, was just released in paperback. 


I'm fascinated by people who make 
their living outsmarting casinos," says 
Stephan Talty, author of Shoot-Out in 
Vegas. He rode into Sin City with the 
Five Horsemen, a group of high-rolling 
crapshooters who use a method called 
dice control to legally clean out casinos. 

They're the last trace of the Old West in 
Vegas," Talty says. “If | couldn't make а 
living as a writer, | would definitely look 
at craps as a second career. 


Blender music editor Rob Tannenbaum 
has interviewed a passel of artists for us, 
including 50 Cent, Chad Kroeger, Jay-Z, 
Kanye West, Lisa Marie Presley, Ludacris 
and Metallica, Now the р.дүвоү contribu- 
tor sits down with Fall Out Boy's Pete 
Wentz for this month's Playboy Interview. 
asked him if he ever tried getting a real 
job,” says Tannenbaum of the emo entre- 
preneur. “Wentz said, 1 don't think I've 
had a real job for more than two weeks." 


Gahan Wilson's cartoons have ap- 
peared in almost every issue of PLAYBOY 
since December 1957. In this month's 
Haunted Classics we revisit some of 
his most memorable work. The dark 
sense of humor the 78-year-old mae- 
stro of the macabre possesses and the 
gallery of monsters he has created 
have seeped into the imagination of 
millions, among them Guillermo del 
Toro, Neil Gaiman and Stephen Col- 
bert, who have all spoken about Wil- 
son's influence. No fan, however, is 
more enthusiastic than our own Editor- 
in-Chief. Hugh Hefner. Wilson recalls 
meeting Hef for the first time, more 
than 50 years ago in Chicago. "When | 
came into the office, there he was," 
says Wilson. *He smiled, stood up, 
reached out his hand and took mine 
and said, ‘I've been waiting for you." 


Dear Ketel One Drinker 
Spot the bottle. 


vol. 55, no. 10—october 2008 


features 


THE ADDERALL EFFECT 
ond only to marijuana in p 


'ampuses, Adderall i 
d the spesc-like drug to tre 


quently 
attention- 


hyperactivity disord 
on campus at exam time t 


tiga 
it the impact of the Lambo 


rehini of study aids. 


EVERYTHING WE NEED TO KNOW WE LEARNED IN COLLEGE 
From avoiding premature ejaculation to cramming a semester's worth 
into two weeks to identifying which drug your friend has taken, Jo 
consults experts about meeting the 


SHOOT-OUT IN VEGAS 


“the Dominator 
with the Five He 


the greatest crapshooters in the w 


PLAYBOY'S 2008 NFL PREVIEW 
ly but n b 
1 in what is n 


gun sound 
slip on Cin 
who's up a 
for the 2008-200 


HAUNTED CLASSICS BY GAHAN WILSON 

His macabre illustra ave made a lasting 
Impression on PLaveoy rea Hall 
we lock back at 


fiction 


NOBODY MOVE, PART FOUR 
In this final installment of 's gritty tale, hapless hero Jimmy 
Luntz prepares for his last stand against the gangst n. Trusting 

по one, Luntz realizes he is quickly running out of o 


the playboy forum 


THE NEW COLD WAR 

Global warming is thawing the Arctic 
exploitation, Already governments are vying for 
SLAVOJ žižek Suggests that judging from past expe 
governments haven't moved more boldly to he: 


and gas reserves for 

Visit any locker room you like and you'd stil 
be hard-pressed to find a sexier athlete than 
Miss October Kelly Carrington. “I've played 
sports my whole life,” says the University of 


is that powerful interests stand to profit from it Poss hr who citis foctbalas her favertta 
sport to watch. Senior Contributing Photogra- 
986 pher Stephen Wayda hits pay dirt by making 
Kelly work up a sweat on the cover; our Rabbit 
KEVIN CONNOLLY discovers an ideal spot to lace up. 


He used to hang with Leonardo DiCaprio and Tobey Maguire when they w 
all struggling actors. Now Entourage's star wingman hugs it out with ASHLE 
bout how TV imitates life and where he and th 


interview 


PETE WENTZ 

Аз the leader of Fall Out Boy, he's the emp 
of Ashlee Simpson, he's one of the luc 
fortune explains why vast numbers of people ! ist numbers of others 
don't. Wentz opens up t 's divergent 
perceptions, life with Simpson, battling depression and why the losers have won. 


emo, and as the husband 
earth. Perhay 


vol. 55, no. 10—october 2008 


pictorials 


HOLD THE TEQUILA 
Passing on a shot at love with 
Tila Tequila, Kristy Morgan takes 
some sexy shots at the shore. 


PLAYMATE: 
KELLY CARRINGTON 

Miss October is a gorgeous 
Gators fan, and even Seminoles 
and Hurricanes applaud 


GIRLS OF THE BIG 10 
Here are 48 reasons why 
the Big 10 rates an 11 on 
the wow scale. 


notes and news 


WORLD OF PLAYBOY 

Hef hosts ESPN Fight Night 

at the Mansion; Holly, Bridget 
and Kendra face off against The 
Sopranos’ Big Pussy and his. 
posse on Celebrity Family Feud. 
HANGIN’ WITH HEF 

The Man bumps into Kanye 
West at the NBA finals, fetes 
Juno writer Diablo Cody at the 
Mansion on her birthday and talks 
to Dave Navarro for Spread TV. 


PLAYMATE NEWS 
Carrie Stevens launches a 
green fashion magazine 


at envi-image.com: a look 
at Big 10 Playmates. 


departments 
PLAYBILL 
DEAR PLAYBOY 
AFTER HOURS 
REVIEWS 
MANTRACK 
THE PLAYBOY ADVISOR 


PARTY JOKES 
19 WHERE AND HOW TO BUY 
GRAPEVINE 


fashion 


THROWBACK TO CAMPUS 
No need to dress to impress 

a professor—sweats, scrubs 
and tees are fine. But when 

it comes to girls, making an 
effort pays off. Keep it simple 
with old-school outerwear 

and vintage prints. 


this month on playboycom _ 


News, views and inside perspectives 
from puavaoy editors. playboy.com/blog 
۳ T QUESTIO 

Entourage star Kevin Connolly offers 
one more wisecrack. playboy.com/2 1q 


Our sexy gamer next door, Cyber Girl 
of the Year Jo Garcia, brings more 
joy to the joystick with her reviews. 


Student pigskin experts 

pick their top 25 and give 
the inside scoop on their 
home teams. playboy 
com/studentpoll 


Exclusive pictures, 
classic cartoons and 


23 М 


of the morbidly 

amusing Gahan 
Wilson. playboy 
comimagazine 


PRINTED IN U.S.A. 


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PLAYBOY 


HUGH M. HEFNER 


n-chief 


CHRISTOPHER NAPOLITANO 
editorial director 
STEPHEN RANDALL deputy editor 
ROB WILSON art director 
GARY COLE photography director 
A.J. BAIME, LEOPOLD FROEHLICH execu; 
JAMIE MALANOWSKI man 


EDITORIAL 
FEATURES: AMY GRACE LOYD literary editor; CHIP ROWE senior editor 
FASHION: JOSEPH DE ACETIS direcior; JENNIFER RYAN JONES editor FORUM: TIMOTHY MOHR associate editor 
MODERN LIVING: SCOTT ALEXANDER senior editor STAFF: ROBERT B. DE SALVO, JOSH ROBERTSON 
associate editors; ROCKY RAKOVIC assistant editor; HEATHER HAEBESenior editorial assistant; VIVIAN COLON. 


GILBERT Macs editorial assista 


CARTOONS: JENNIFER THIELE (neu! JOT), AMANDA WARREN 
y chief; cuis cuv associate copy chief 
RESEARCH: DAVID COHEN 

research dior; BRYAN ABRAMS, CORINNE CUMMINGS, 

editors EDITORIAL PRODUCTION: DAVID PFISTER 
ging editor; VALERIE THOMAS manager CONTRIBUTING EDITORS: 

MARK BOAL (riter at large), KEVIN BUCKLEY, SIMON COOPER, GRETCHEN EDCREN, LAWRENCE GROREL 
KEN CROSS, DAVID HOCHMAN, WARREN KALRACKER, ARTHUR KRETCHMER (антон), JONATHAN LITTMAN, 


los angeles) editorial coordinators COPY: WINIFRED ORMOXD ¢ 


DAVID DELE. ANTOINE DOZOIS, JOSEPH WESTERFIELD copy edi 
research director; RON MOTTA se 


SETH FIEGERMAN, MICHAEL MATASSA SQQ 


JOE MORGENSTERN, JAMES R. PETERSEN, STEPHEN REBELLO, DAVID RENSIN, JAMES ROSEN, 
DAVID SHEFF, DAVID STEVENS, ROB TANNENBAUM, JOHN D. THOMAS, ALICE K. TURNER, ROB WALTON 


ART 


TOM STAEBLER contributing art director; SCOTT ANDERSON, BRUCE HANSEN, CHET SUSKI. 


LEN WILLISseuior art directors; PAUL CHAN Senior art assistant, 
сокты WELLS art 


vices coordinator; STEFANI COLE senior art administrator 


PHOTOGRAPHY 
JIM LARSON та 


STEPHANIE MORRIS west coast edi 


ging editor; HOLLY MADISON 
playmate editor; үкттү BEALDET-FRANCES senior editor-entertainment; KEVIN KUSTER senior editor 

1 editor; ARNY FREYTAG. STEPHEN WAYDA 
'aphers: GEORGE GEORGIOU, MATT WAGEMANN staff photographers; 
JAMES IMBROGNO, RICHARD IZUTI. MIZUNO, BYRON NEWMAN, GEN NISHINO, JARMO POHJANIEMI, DAVID RANS, 
ger, photo archives; KEVIN CRAIG 
ng lab; MARIA HAGEN Stylist; PENNY EKKERT, KRYSTLE JOHNSON, 


MATT STEIGBIGEL associate editor; RENAY LARSON assist 


senior contributing photog 


BILL WHITE contributing photographers; BONNIE JEAN KENNY та 


BARBARA LEIGH production coordinators 
LOUIS R. MOHN publisher 


ADVERTISING 
ков EISENHARDT assoctate publisher; RON STERN advertising director; HELEN BIANCULLI 
tive director, direct-response advertising: MARIE FIRNENO advertisin 
NEW YORK: JESSIE CLARY Cat 
Joni WHITE accon ger CHICAGO: LAUREN KINDER midwest sales manager 
LOS ANGELES: COREY SPIEGEL west coast manager DETROIT: STEVE ROUSSEAU detroit manager 
SAN FRANCISCO: ED MEAGHER northwest manager 


operations director 


y sales manager- fashion; SHERI WARNKE southeast manager, 


MARKETING. 
LISA NATALE associate publisher/marke 


mg; STEPHEN MURRAY marketing services director, 


DANA ROSENTHAL events marketing director; CHRISTOPHER SHOOLIS research director, 
DONNA TAVOSO creative services director 


PUBLIC RELATIONS 
LAUREN MELONE division senior vice president; вов HILBURGER publi 


ity director 


PRODUCTION 
MARIA MANDIS director; JODY JURGETO production manager; DEBBIE тилоо associate и 


ager 


CHAR KROWCZYK, BARB TEKI! 


IS: RILL BEN WAY, SIMMIE WILLIAMS prepress 


CIRCULATION 
or; PHYLLIS ROTUNNO subscription circulat 


s dira director 


LARRY A. DJERF neusstan 


ADMINISTRATIVE, 
MARCIA TERRONES rights & permissions director 


INTERNATIONAL PUBLISHING 


вов ODONNELL managing director; DAVID WALKER editorial director 


PLAYBOY ENTERPRISES INTERNATIONAL, INC 
CHRISTIE HEFNER chairman, chief executive 


вов MEYERS president, media group 


THEBWORLD PLAYBOY 


HEF SIGHTINGS, MANSION FROLICS AND NIGHTLIFE NOTES 


FIGHT NIGHT AT THE MANSION 

Hef and the Girls Next Door hosted an ESPN Fight Night 
and Bridgetas ring дїп. Below: The Man and W 
champ Chad Dawson. The UFC's Iceman, С 

left), was ringside for the main event (bottom righ 
the unbeaten David 

Torres (in silver trunks) 

vs. former lightweight 

world champion Julio 

Diaz. The former champ 

won a TKO in the fifth. 

After the fight Diaz told 

local media, “1 don't 

want to party. 1 want 


ain't even goin: 
celebrate.” Then he 
ed he was 
at PMW and added, “I 
mean, after tonight. 


GIRLS NEXT DOOR ON FAMILY FEUD 

The Girls Next Door went toe-to-toe with The Sopranos’ Vincent Pastore and 

his crew on Al Roker's Celebrity Family Feud. The girls were doing well until the 
vith words to d. a good-looking 


told a group of Playmates, "If it weren't for you, | 

just be the editor of a literary magazine.” Mr. Play! 

Steven Watts, author of Mr Playboy: Hugh Hefner and the American 

Dream, and sexpert Dr. Ruth—found himself surrounded by literary 

lights at Bo 1 autographed the biography 
itten about me, 


N онаа the Girls Next Door celebrate 

М Warren Beatty's AFI Life Achic и Луг. 5 
Г (2) Kanye West, Hef and Kendra at the МВА 

fred Hitch- / 
[ 


ШШ ес r 


рта 


y b о у 


CELEBRITY DOC 

T found your Playboy Interview with Dr 
Drew Pinsky (July) to be entertaining, 
and many of his comments—especially 
about dating—are quite insightful. Fur- 
ther, his zero-tolerance position with 
his own kids is on the mark, based on 
evidence that suggests using drugs and. 
alcohol before the frontal lobes are fully 
developed can have long-term effects 
Pinsky hints at a growing view among 


Dr. Drew: One celebrity helping others. 


doctors that addiction isn't about € 
its about the brain. Except for the most 
addictive compounds—nicotine, meth- 
amphetamine 
15 per 
alcohol go on to develop a true addic- 
tion. We now know the brain of an 
addict differs from а nonaddict's, which 
implies a strong genetic influ 
Pinsky says, it's not about willpow 
[ 
such as when he states that all addiction 


nd cocaine—only about 


nt of people who use drugs and 


s he slips into hyperbole, however. 


can be traced to physical or sexual abuse. 
Many addicts do not have these experi- 
ences, and such a history certainly isn’t 
required for nicotine addiction. There 
are indications that the “wound” to our 
pleasure and reward centers caused by 


emotional trauma is similar to the dam- 
age in the brain of a person whose DNA. 
makes him prone to addiction. 
Dr. Michael Miller 
Madison, Wisconsin 
Miller is president of the American Soci- 
ау of Addiction Medicine 


Speaking about anal sex, Pinsky says, 
“That part of the body wasn't made for 
doing that, and I dread to see what will 
happen to these women down the line. 
Once women hit their seventh and eighth 


decades of life, a lot of anal pathology 
kicks in without having anal sex. So I 
mean, it won't be pretty.” Bullshit! When 
done slowly and with plenty of lubrica- 
tion, frequent anal penetration will not 
lead to a permanently gaping asshole, 
a loose sphinct 


muscle or loss of con- 
trol over bowel movements. 


You are 
ing the sphincter 
xing it for comfort- 
ion. The more you practice 


not stretching or t 


muscle; you 
able pe 
controlling this muscle, the more you 


nd toning it, which can 


e exercising 
improve the health of your ass 
Tristan Taormino 
New York, New York 
Taor or of The Ultimate 
Guide to Anal Sex for Women and creator of 
the Expert Guide sex-education DVD series. 


ino is the аш! 


Pinsky should 
provide imprompt 
Tities he has never tr 
discouraged from profiling 
public figures since 1964, when more 


diagnoses of celeb- 
ated. Psychiatrists 


have 


than 1,100 psychiatrists deemed Barry 
Goldwater unfit to be president 
J. Green 


New York, New York 

Many people agreed, including, appar- 
ently, Tom Cruise. Pinsky’s suggestion that 
Cruise is dran to the "cultish" environment 
of Scientology because of a “deep em 
caused by childhood neglect drew a rebuke 
л, Bert 


from the actor's И lds, who said, 
“The last time we heard garbage like this was 
from Joseph Goebbels,” the Naz propaganda 
chief. Pinsky apologized, saying he meant no 
harm, but took issue with the comparison. 


With all due respec 
л his skepticism regardi 
kids drink a bit 
mmon wisdom seems to 
nd controlled mod- 


Pinsky's experi- 


ence, I qu 


s letting the 
The c 


me 


р 


nsky's double standard: He refuses to 
lk to his own kids about his past drug 
use, yet he justifies Celebrity Rehab by say- 
ing the participants give the 
s if a porn star addicted to drugs is in 
the best frame of mind to make informed 
judgments about her dignity. Pinsky’s pri- 
ority should be his patients, not the view- 
ing public. He reveals his tru 


conse 


motives 


when he states real rehab is “boring” and 
make good TV." Pinsky claims 
celebrities are prone to narcissism. I 


doesn't 


agree. Physician, get over thyself 
Luigi Novi 
Union City, New Jersey 


THE MARVELOUS MARGOLIS 
What's better than seeing Cindy 
Margolis in PLAYBOY? Seeing her again! 


(Cindy Steps Ou 
body—and sin 


July). Beauty, br 


Rick Schletty 
Afton, Minnesota 


1 don't know how Cindy's ex is sur- 
viving without her, but he is still one of 
the luckiest guys in the world: At least 
he has the memories 

Jim Russell 

Murrells Inlet, South Carolina 


I notice you describe Cindy as “once” 
being the most downloaded woman 
1 assume that honor now belongs to 
Danni Ashe, who has been recognized 
by Guinness World Records. 
Stephen Dingman 
Juneau, Alaska 
In 2000 Guinness created two categories, 
one for free downloads (awarded to Cindy) 


and one for paid downloads (awarded to 
Ashe). Ashe says that she deserves both titles 
but that Guinness has stopped accepting 

s. We always hoped this would be 
lh bikinis and mud. 


new clai 
settled wit 


Cindy Margolis and a lucky placeholder. 


How does one get the job of the gen- 
Четав who appears with Cindy on page 
107 (pictured above)? Are you hiring? 
Jeremy Bowersox 
Waynesboro, Pennsylvania 
Oddly enough, he volunteered, 


A STRANGE LIFE AND DEATH 
Like Robert Johnson at the cross- 
roads, David Hans Schmidt (The 
Shameless Life and Sensational Death of 
the Sleaziest Man in Hollywood, July) 
thought he could strike a deal with the 
devil. They were both wrong 
Ken Sturn 
Phoenix, Arizona 


11 


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“Offer valid from August 30 
through September 27, 2008. 


Mail-in rabate required. At participating 
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for complete details and eligible tires. 
©2008 NFL Properties LLC. 
AU NFL-related trademarks are trademarks 
of the National Football League. + 


کے 


PASSION 
for EXCELLENCE 


WHAT MAHER BELIEVES 
Many skeptics share Bill Maher's 
thoughts on the foibles of religion (Reli- 
gion 101, July). But oddly, he doesn't ad- 
dress the authenticity of the major religion 
steeped in blood that has familiarized us 
with the words jihad, infidel and marty: 
Aubrey Wassyng 
Boston, Massachusetts 
Maher responds: “The points made in 
ту little article have to do with all religions, 
even though in the case of the Vatican and 
Salt Lake City the locales are associated with 
beliefs. But the themes—that religions 
v mindless following of ancient tradi- 
tions, that they become giant bureaucracies and 
that their holy books are anything but divinely 
rendered—are catholic with a small с.” 


Thank “God” for M 


ular doses of comm 


aher and his reg- 
ın sense. 
Toni Pezzuto 
South Haven, Michigan 


The morning after reading Maher's 
gripe, as I walked in the mountains 
before sunrise, I was more certain of 
God's existence than Maher's certainty 
that there is no God. C'mon, Bill, get 
personal. What didn't God give you 
when you asked for it? 

Alan Ludwi 
Helen 


tana 


One wonders how Maher overlooks 
Hefnerism. Anyone doubting the legiti- 
macy of this global religion need only 
view The World of Playboy to see hedo- 
ic rituals at the cathedral, with liber- 
acolytes (including Maher) paying 
If I weren't a devout 
I would break my ass to be a member. 

Lanny Middings 
San Ramon, C. 


m 


Is Maher just now figuring out man- 
kind is fucked up? Anyone with half 
a brain would find it absurd to take 
Maher seriously after studying the 
teachings of Christ. There is only one 
truth, and it's absolu 

Nelson Garner 
Albuquerque, New Me 


Maher has never heard of religious 
people "putting the brakes on vio- 
lence”? How about Martin Luther King 
dhi or the millions of 
ght the Nazis? 
Matt Ruane 
Richland, Washington 


mericans 


While hilarious as always, Maher pres- 
ents as restricted a view as that of the 
people he criticizes. Christianity can be 
reduced to a straw man by focusing on 
а narrow obsession with “moral values,” 
an uncritical belief in the unbelievable 
and a narcissistic obsession with personal 
salvation. Although it's not as funny, the 


Christianity 1 endorse promotes equality 
and a tolerance for others beliefs 
Jeremy Yunt 
Santa Barbara, California 


I suspect Maher is secretly envious 
of what he considers the uncarned, 
irrational happiness of those who have 
received the gift of faith 

Dan Hanneman 
Maplewood, Minnesota 


The editors appear to have let Maher, 
who revels in being unholier than thou, 


Maher: "See our real live freaks of айн! 


overwhelm their judgment. I will con- 
tinue to subscribe for the photos 
Clay C 
Tucson 


acki 
Arizona 


WOMEN ALWAYS WRITE 

Thank you for featuring Eddie 
Izzard (Nice Guy Eddie, July), a re k- 
able man who is so funny he can make 
you forget he's in drag, 


Sarah Cox. 
Toledo, Ohio 


It's not hard to see why Marilyn Mon- 
roe remains a global sex symbol (Monroe 
& Moran, July). Today's starlets should 
be taught the difference between sexy 
and vulgar. The sidewalk scene in The 
Seven Year lich is sexy; flashing your pri- 
vates when getting out of a car is not. 

Laura Vona 
Randolph, Massachusetts 


Bill Maher, Lewis Black (200), Drew 
Pinsky and Eddie Izzard, all in the same 
issue? Mash the four together and you 
have the perfect man. 

Michelle Pohl 
Nutley, New Jersey 


Read more feedback at playboy.con/blog 


B 


Email via the web at LETTERS PLAYBOY COM Or write: 730 FIFTH AVENUE, NEW YORK, NEW YORK 10019 


ZIRIDGESTONE 


For drivers who want to get the most 


T S BRIDGESTE 


PASSION. 
for EXCELLENCE 


THANK YOU 
WINNING WAGE 


For rewarding our grasp on random trivia with a Negra Modelo. 
re, knowing who had the highest on base percentage in 1983 was 
enough glory fo bask in for years. But our thrill of victory truly 
became one for the ages when your prize turned out to be such a 
remarkably drinkable dark beer. So, losing friend, at least you can 


take pride in one thing. You were right about Negra Modelo. 


NEGRA MODELO. 
IT DOESN'T MATTER HOW IT GOT TO YOU. 
JUST GIVE THANKS IT DID. 


Share Responsibly” IMPORTED BY CROWN IMPORTS LLC, CHICAGO. IL 60603. 


Natasha 
Alam 


ARE YOU FROG ENOUGH 
FOR THIS PRINCESS? 


It's not every day we meet a real 
princess, much less one who has 
locked lips with Eva Mendes. Yet 
those are just two bullet points 
for Uzbekistan-born Natasha 
Alam. The kiss happens in the 
film The Women, in which Nata- 
sha plays what she calls "a 
lesbian supermodel with anger- 
management issues." A former 
model herself, Natasha knows 
from beautiful, "Eva is one of the 
sexiest girls around," she says. 
"Her lips were very soft and yum- “ 

my. | also got to grab her booty Eva 
when we were making out.” And Mendes's* 
the princess thing: Natasha was 3 

married to the grandson of the lips were 
former shah of Iran, and though 

they've split, she gets to keep the very so ft 
princess title. Model, princess, 

actress—we'd roll our eyes a bit and 

if not for the "crazy times" of ” 
Natasha's youth. Long story yummy. 
short, she's here today despite 
the malicious efforts of racist 
Uzbek thugs and the Russian 
Mafia, and she deserves the 
tiara, More and different crazy 
times ensued during her model- 
ing career—research, perhaps, 
for her role opposite Mendes. “I 
did have a girlfriend once," she 
recalls, "She was a total lesbian, 
a real tomboy, but tall and beau- 
tiful. We had the same modeling 
agency, and she moved in with 
my boyfriend and me for a while. 
It was weird, but that goes with 
the territory.” Natasha doesn't 
play for the other team; she’s just 
open-minded. “You can fall in 
love with anybody.” she says. “As 
long as you kiss him with your 
inner self, it doesn't matter if he 
looks like a frog." What is it they 
say down at the pond? Ribbit. 


| 


| 


| 


ES 


[afterhours 


employee of the month 


In Good Hands 


PLAYBOY: You've told us 
financial firm. What does that mean 

| process all the пе 
life insurance cases 
forth be 
underwriter 
PLAYBO 


те a new-business manager for a 


large—$3 million 
трапу. It's a lot 
еп clients and insurance companie 
3 day 


Y higher 
f back-and- 
and medical 


r my 


| examine more than 50 ca 
You must really whip through them. If v 
ness meeting with you, we'd try to prolong it 

That happens from time to time. When | dress for 
work, | try to hide some parts more than | normally would, but 
| don't cover up that much. Obviously, I'm not wearing a bikini 
top, but | think they seat me out front for a reason 


were t 


PLAYBOY: Which part of you receives the most compliments? 

At work I'd say my eyes. Altogether | normally hear 
either "Your eyes are gorgeous" or "You have a great a 
PLAYBOY: So if we were to approach you, that would work 

ure, but I'm not often approached. I've been told | 
have that “bitchy” 
PLAYBOY: We disagree with that characterization. 

Me too. Once people get to know me they say I'm 
really nice and actually goofy. I'm not a stuck-up princess. | 
used to be a wild child, partying like crazy every weekend—but 


now it's more like every other weekend. 


Want to be Ie nest Emplo 


of the Month? Learn how to apply at playboy compose 


The Fly in the Opera 


DAVID CRONENBERG PIONEERS 
THE SINGING SCI-FI GENRE 


The story of a man wh 
into an insect is a scien 
sic—but s it mak 
That's the question dire 
nenberg seeks to answer with his musi- 
cal rendition of Ti playing at 
E directed 
h was based 
aan that ran in th: 
vid Henry H 
onen 


gradually turns 


on a story b; 
tist for th: 
is Howard Shore, who scored C 
1 1 to direct th 
I did ask 


says 


el we're reliving that dec 


f 


relevant again. The s 
So it goes in sci-fi 


hit the links. 


Tailgate Like a Badger 


Our Girls of the Big 10 pictorial 
has us craving bratwurst, that 
classic Midwestern pregame fare. 
The gourmets at bratwurstpages 
сот have two rules: Eat the sa 
sages on Sheboygan hard rolls 
and never, ever defile them with 
yellow mustard. So what is accept- 
able? Savory beer sauce—here's 
the recipe (covers 10 brats): 

2 14.5 oz. cans stewed tomatoes 
2 12 oz. beers 

1 large onion, chopped 

1 green pepper, chopped 

1 tablespoon brown sugar 
Mix ingredients and bring to a 
simmer. Keep grilled brats in 
sauce until ready to eat. Do not 
let sauce boil 


ne 


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get the 
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Buy any tobacco 
product get a 


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afterhours 


Fine Wine, 
Dirt Cheap 


Accidents happen, even to 
ood wine. If one bottle in 
a case of 12 breaks, wine 
stores and restaurants are 


reluctant to take the other 
11 because they don't want 
to display or sell bottle 
thet have less than pristine 
labels. Enter the A tal 


om). The online 
buys unwanted bottle 
perfectly good wine 
ith perfectly go 
ups them E 
ative quality and 
to adventurous 
extremely r 
Cheers to that. 


GARY UNMARRIED 
STAR JAY MOHR 
BOUGHT A BLUE 
MUSTANG BUT 
STILL DRIVES A 
GREEN MACHINE 


Jay Mohr has been to the top of the TV mountain. Seri 
topher Walken 2 


once you've impersonate: 
y Guy, played opposite. 


Nikki Cox, you might ae 


e, done Joe 


Love Hewitt's cleavage on Gi MhisE and плате а 

well retire. But when CB: es you the starring п itcom ied) with 
an Emmy-winning lead-in (The New Adventures of е), you de nt turn it 

What's you е meal? My wife makes a Spencer's steak covered in blue cheese and 


vegetables and quickly panfried with sea salt, Are 
a Perrier man roach to fashion. Stealthy. V 
xu saw? Keaton Simons at the Hotel Cafe in Hollywood. 
Machine. | like doing skids at the bottom of my street. What's the best present you ever 
The engagement ring | got for my wife. Well, that or the Hermés Birkin 
bag. What was y v purchase? The vacation I'm supposed to be on right пон as 
we're doing this interview. What was the first thing yo t 

A gold Rolex and a blue Mustang. You can take the boy out of Jersey.. 


best ever 


How to Get Yourself Into Guinness 
World Records 


In the book Getting Into Guinness Larry Olmsted documents his attempts to achieve im- 
mortality. As he explains, few people can hope to top mainstream records (face it, reader, 
you'll never beat Robert Wadlow's height of eight feet 11.1 inches), so setting a new record 
based on an existing one can be a cheaper ticket to fame. Here's Olmsted's advice: 

1. Throwing, pulling or lifting new things has worked many, many times. 

2. Bricks, beer kegs, other people and cars are popular things to put on your head. If 
you find a record someone has set and think you could do the same with an object on 
your head, give it a shot. 

3. Try group activities. The book gives a lot of latitude to mass-participation records, fro 
people drinking tea together to group head shavings to bra chains. 

4, Do it for charity. This is especially true of group records, 

5. Read the most recent edition and note records accompanied by a red star. These 
are new entries, probably devised by enterprising attention seekers like yourself, and 
may be easy to break 


Chalk up Batman's current popularity to Frank Miller, Tim Burt 
Christopher Nolan, but let's not write off the campy 19 
V show. Doing so would risk writing off our dear friend Ju 
Newmar, the ori Catwoman. She recently reminded u 
an unpublished pictorial s ed for in the early 1 
should have peeked under that catsuit year 


nal 


7 


[elsewhere at playboy 


spice of life 


Genius in a Bottle 
COTY’S PLAYBOY FRAGRAN 
ARE SEXY IN FOUR CITI 


task for a 
man rawny than 
lumberjack but ballsier than Bangkok 
ladyboy. In the end it gets down to whom 
you trust—and we all know the answer to 
that quest ne sort 

reads PLAYBOY, there's no sin- 
g y fragrance, The Coty perfume 
house has created four, each inspired t 
з place with and attitude (sorry 
ise). Hollywood is about star qualit 
as is for high re Malibu is an 
ean breeze, and Miami si 
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Every Cover Ever Extra Credit 


Two items of note for collegians: 
tarting with the ing Marilyn Mor *Playboy is accepting more 
{дей newsstands with some of tk t campus reps than ever before, in 
mi appeal, sophistication and that first five concentrations: Playboy Style 
Peruse them all at our n ill t playboy.com/magazine/cover-gallery/ndex.html. forthefashion-conscious, Playboy 
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Mobile for gadget geeks, Rock 
the Rabbit for music lovers and 
the original Playboy Magazine for 
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*Aspiring Updikes should enter 
PLAYBoY's 24th Annual College 
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just add water 


THERE'S NO COOLER EVENT THAN THE PLAYBOY JAZZ FESTIVAL, 
EXCEPT PERHAPS THE PLAYBOY JAZZ CRUISE 


This summer the Playboy J 
better way to mark the milest 


tival celebrated its th anniversary, and what 
ie than a trip to exotic ports of call? In a se 
the festival will do that with the inaugural Playb C The cruise alone 
is an extravaganza: The 

ets sail from Fort Lauderdale on January 2 
includes stops at San Juan, St. Barts, Ne 
ay. Afternoons and evenings will feature 
cial guest Herbie Hancock perched atop a bill that inclu 
cruise host) Marcus Mi alist Dianne R iitarist K 
phonist James Moody. For musi it's the ultimate romantic 


dam (pa: 


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[ afterhours—movies & dvds 


mo the month 


Body of Lies 


TRUST NO ONE IN RIDLEY SCOTT’S LATEST 


5 stars Russell Ci asa 
seasoned CIA boss v ns with journalist turned 
operative Leonardo DiCaprio to hunt down a terrorist 
kingpin. But don't mention the CIA around the film's 
director, Ridley Scott. "Those three letters are 
cliché, aren't they?” says the director of 


The new thriller Body 


the Middle Eas 
knowledge of 


and it's a book of unusual density and 
things function at that level of the 
undercover world, It would be too pat to see the rela 
tionship between Russell's and Leonardo's characters 
as simply that of an older functionary and a younger 
operator. Instead of a buddy thi did it as a fim 
that says, "Trust no one, not even your best friend, If you. 
do, youll get dangled, get your ass kicked, b 
and not even know itor die. " Scott ackn 
potential intensity of his directing Crowe for the fourth 
time and DiCaprio for the first. "After our baptism 
ator, Russell and | have cut away all the crap," says 
past the waltzing around, and now we get straight to it. 
with Leo was one of the better experiences I've had. He's fun, 
smart, ready and a very talented actor. We forget that, by start- 


ing his career 
almost as lo 


a child, he has been in the business. 
” As for the cinematic ride that Scott, 
in store for audiences this time, the 


director says, "It's frenetic. Although Russell's character is benign, 
he’s probably killing you gently as he turns the other cheek.” 


The Godfather: The Coppola Restoration 


THE CORLEONES GET READY FOR THEIR HIGH-DEF CLOSE-UP 


First released on DVD in a slick 2001 
collection, Francis Ford Coppola's 
Godfather trilogy became one of the 
formats early musthave boxed sets 
As the technology advanced in the fol 
lowing years, however, many fans grev 
disappointed with t я 

muddy look of the 
films after enjoying 
50 many remastered 
classics on DVD and 
more recently, Blu- 
ray. N 
Restoration (also on 
Bluray), Paramount's 
lustrous repackaging 
of the three Godfat 
films, features full 


interiors that ground the family life at 
core, the cars, the clothes 


says in the docun 


turettes plus all the 
excellent special 
features from the 
An im- 
parade of 
filmmakers—includ- 
| ing Steven Spiel- 


Now showing: Oliver Stone targets George 
Bush in W.; Simon Pegg learns How to Lose 
Friends & Alienate People; Bill Maher gets. 
Religulous. Read more at playboy.com. 


restorations of The 
Godfather and Th 
as 
7 
G 
taries included in the set, shows how 
archivists converted elements from the 
best prints into extremely high-resolution 
digital images in a frame-by-fram 
toration. The golden hues, the | 


rge Lucas, 
'eirce and Guill- 
y thi 


— - 


Kelly Macdonald plays an underage 
seductress who gets her fix atop Ewan 
McGregor in Trainspotting (pictured). 
Catch her next in the movie adaptation 
of Chuck Palahniuk’s novel Choke. 


5 best overall 
release and promises to be a r 
tory experience in high definiti 
Bluray. vvv —Greg ! 


Ng SAT, SEPT 27 
$ OPMET/TOPMPT 


[afterhours—music & games 


Gym Class Heroes 
SAMPLE-HAPPY SPORTS GET REAL ON NEW LP 


065 As Crue ol Children, the group bor 
ally from such i and ironic treasures as Jermaine 

N її Have to Take Our Clothes Off" and Super- 
in America." The album became one of the 
г but also took heat from musicnerd blogs. 


The folow-up, The Quit, featuring everyone from Daryl Hall to 
Busta Rhymes, ditches all the samples in favor of live instrumen- 
tation and puts frontman Travis McCoy's lyricism at the fore. 
McCoy checked in with us between Warped Tour sets. 

Q: Have you felt underappreciated in the hip-hop community? 
A: People just heard “Cupid's Chokehold" and said, "That's 
that band that sings old 1980s song 1 don't think people 
took me seriously as a rapper. On this album we made for 


amn sure people would know I'm a force to be reckoned 
with when it comes to lyricism. 

Q: Was there a hiphop scene in upstate New York 
n 

A: No. There was just the hardcore scene in Syracuse, All of us 
ге big hardcore fans, and here | was, this sixfootfive black 
kid smoking blunts before shows, with all these straightedge 


where 


kids. | was looking at them like, “Say something. | dare you." 
QW 
А: | 


"A lot of indie music looks inward, but we 
try to look right at the audience. It's our 
hearts to their hearts and our groins to their 


о parties more, Daryl Hall or Busta Rhymes? 
uld go with Busta, but | respect Daryl Hal's gangsta 


groins."— Paul Banwatt of electro duo Woodhands, more. He parties in a nonchalant and chill way because 
whose debut LP, Heart Attack, comes out this month he's a wine drinker. But putting Busta Rhymes and Daryl Hall 
in the same sentence is already weird. Jason Ne 


A Force Play at Home 
THE BEST STAR WARS PREQUEL IS...A GAME? 


The Jedi are gifted with ovenwhelmin ‚er but forbidden from 
using its most destructive aspects. Because this key iction 
animates much of the drama in the Star Wars universe, the cathar. 
sis in seeing a Force user go on a wanton kiling spree is consid 
erable—like watching a concert pianist slam out a nc 
rendition of “Purple Haze" and then set the keys 
are the pleasures of S s: The Force 
PS2, PS3, Wi), in which the House That € 
most compelling storytelling 
also delivering a brutally thrill 
at kind of havoc a thorot 

sure-footed insti 
mined by tinear dial 


system that s s just 
hly trained Sith can muster. Lucas 
and plot has too often been unc 
shortcomings of his lead actors 
ime to tell this story 


VISIT PLAYBOY'S expanded games universe at playboy 

а s .com/games, featuring additional reviews of paint-splattered 

e way. Every inch ce Un с platformer De Blob (Wii), the tiny adventures of Lego Batman 
halls of its star destroyers to the funge file (all platforms) and off-road racer Pure (360, PC, PS3). 


evil has nevel 


SPORE MERCENARIES 2: WORLD IN FACEBREAKER 
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Rockin’ Rolls 


The new ride from the 


e name in besp utomobile 


WHEN WE TOOK a spin in the new Rolls-Royce, the Phantom Coupe, from its works (Britspeak for factory) in Goodwood to the Eng- 
lish Channel, then dashed across France through the Jura Mountains to Geneva, suffice it to say we were bloody impressed. Despite its 
nearly three tons of bulk, the car is agile and swift, moving like a big blitzing linebacker wearing a Savile Row suit. When you're cruising 
at 100 miles per hour, a power-reserve meter (there's no tachometer) advises you that 90 percent of the whisper-quiet 48-valve VI2's 
453 bhp awaits your command should you choose to whisk past lesser mortals. From a standstill you'll hit 60 mph in 5.7 seconds and 
carry on until the rev limiter spoils the fun at 149 mph. Charge into a bend and there's a smidge of body roll, a mild tire protest. The car 
grips the tarmac and carries on. Today's thoroughly modern Rolls shares selected bits with the BMW 7 Series (BMW now owns Rolls- 
Royce), including Dynamic Stability Control, Dynamic Traction Contro! and six air bags. Should you choose to buy one, you can pick from 
44,000 colors, knowing that, prior to delivery, the car will be polished by hand for five hours. In other words, the new Rolls is exactly 
what you'd expect from the long-revered British automaker. The Phantom Coupe is on sale starting at about $400,000— though bear in 
mind this hand-built car requires a four-month wait. For more of our test-drive and photos, see playboy.com/cars. 


ameless Plug About Time 
LET'S BE CLEAR: We welcome the proliferation of gadgets in our NOSTALGIA IS THE natural enemy of novelty. Sure, wear- 
lives. What we do not welcome is the proliferation of charging ing Grandpa's Rolex feels good, but it can also make you 
cables that seems to attend them, not to mention their ensuing look like a bit of a relic yourself. Bellum (bellumconcepts 
tangles. Thankfully, help is avail- net) lets you have it both ways. The company special- 
able in the form of Bluelounge's izes in updating vintage watches with modern accoutre- 
Sanctuary ($130, bluelounge ments, from laser etching to stingray-skin bands. Finished 
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chargers for most phones and сап send in your own vintage timepiece for a 21st century 
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28 


яа MANTRACK 


йй» & ф 46 


Let George Do It 


THERE ARE NOW 17 hojillion iPod-dock 
stereo systems on the market. This is the 
опе to get, It's from Chestnut Hill, so im- 
peccable sound isa given. But the George 
system ($500, chillsound.com) is far more 
than a set of speakers. Its primary con- 
trol panel is a remote (the middle piece 
is removable) that gives you total iPod 
mastery (not just back, forward, play and 
pause) wherever you roam. That the re- 
mote doubles as an alarm clock is icing 
on the cake. Miles Davis in the morning 
will change your whole day. 


Desktop Hardware 


ONCE IN A while you find some- 
thing you didn't know you want- 
ed all your life until you learned 
it existed. So it was when we 
stumbled on Dale Mathis’s Exec- 
utive Desk ($20,000, theartof 
dalemathis.com), which marries 
the gears and rotors of a 19th 
century factory with Dali-esque 
20th century baroque surrealism 
to give you a space on which to 
do your 21st century business. In- 
spired by hot rods, cranes, Edison 
and Freud, Mathis, a self-taught 
Las Vegas-based sculptor, hand 
makes all his pieces, sometimes 
hand carving 
individual 

gears. And 

yes, when 

you turn it on, 
it all moves. 


OVER THE PAST few years a new category 
of cameras has emerged on the market. You 
can call them souped-up point-and-shoots 
orstripped-down SLRs, but at the end of the 
day classification is superfluous—the point 
is they offer a unique blend of features, 
convenience and price. Take Olympus's 
10-megapixel SP-565 UZ ($400, olympus 
com), which has a fixed lens but all the 
manual control of an SLR, plus a 20X op- 
tical zoom. Most surprising of all, when its 
lens is retracted, it will fit in your pocket 
without making you look like Quasimodo. 


SONY. 


Sony’ recommends Windows Vista’ Home Premium 


Watch computer. 


The Sony VAIO” LT PC/HDTV with Intel’ Core” 2 Duo processor. 
Born out of Sony HD technology. Learn more at sony.com/hdna 


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lli e Playboy Advisor 


] went clubbing this past weekend with 
my best friend and her boyfriend. Afier 
the club closed we went back to her place. 
She was totally wasted and started to blow 
her boyfriend in the kitchen. I felt frisky 
and started touching myself as I watched 
Finally, I squatted next to her, and we took 
turns sucking on him. Despite my ask- 
ing him not to come in my mouth—and 
his promise that he wouldn't—he did. 1 
didn't mean to swallow, but my reflex 
took over. I know he is clean, so I won't 
but T still tried to 

I'm feeling tre- 
mendous guilt about swallowing his load. 


get some nasty disease 
puke when Г got home 


A part of me wants to tell my boyfriend, 
but the other part tells me it was a fluke 
that will never happen again. Should I tell 
my boyfriend, who is the jealous type, or 
just forget about iv —LC., Medina, Ohic 

Are we behind the times? Its okay to blow 
another guy if you don't swallow? We would 
not mention the sucking or your swallow 
“reflex” to your boyfriend, although that's no 
guarantee he won't find out. Stay in the good 
graces of your friend and her boyfriend and 
hope she doesn't dump him. Most guys would 
have a hard time keeping this to themselves 
under the best of circumstances. 


Alter a long period of being single I 
find myself with strong feelings for twc 
women. I am more physically attracted 
to the first woman: 
sense of humor and both enjoy music and 
sports. She is social and articulate—the 
kind of woman you love to take to din- 
ner parties, Unfortunately, we also а 
and have contrasting views on some big 


we share the same 


issues, such as religion and politics. The 
second woman is not as graceful, but we 
are more connected when it comes to our 
views. She doesn't turn me off physically 
but doesn't really turn me on. However 
she would likely be a more trustworthy 
and loyal partner myself 
marrying either of these women and am 
struggling with which one to let go. Any 
advice on how to make the best possible 
decision?—M.E., Detroit, Michigan 
You're overlooking a third option: Neither 
woman is right for you. Both relationships are 
teaching you valuable lessons about what you're 
looking for in a partner, and you may yet meet 
someone who combines their best qualities. 


I could sec 


Do some cheeses go better with wine than 
others:—B.L., Portersville, Pennsylvania 
Many people believe cheese enhances wine; 
Homer describes the ancient Greeks grating 
goat cheese directly into their goblets. In fact, 
it appears cheese dulls the flavor of red wine, 
which can be a godsend if you're serving plonk. 
“Fine cheese, with its unique, creamy mouthfeel 
and salty, savory character, can transform even 
а simple workaday wine into a celestial bever- 
age,” says Willie Gluckstern, author of The Wine 


tenger In 2005 enologists at the University of 
California, Davis confirmed this perception in 
an experiment with 11 tasters who found that 
every one of eight cheeses muted a sample of eight 
reds, possibly by coating the palate with fat and 
salt. Gluckstern notes that whites and sparkling 
wines, which have more acidity and less alco- 
hol, are often better suited for cheese. Some sug- 
gestions for balancing salt and sweet from the 
folks at Artisanal Premium Cheese (artisanal 
‘heese.com): goat cheese with light-bodied whites; 
sheep cheese, Parmigiano-Reggiano and Gouda 
with any number of reds; triple-crémes with spar- 
kling wines, pinot noir or chardonnay; coated- 
rind cheeses such as Brie with light to medium 
reds; washed-rind types like Muenster with Ries- 
ling or Alsatian gewürztraminer; cheddar with 
тейішт- to full-bodied whites; and blue cheese 
with sweet wines, such as Stilton paired with a 
tawny port or Roquefort with Sauternes. 


Em dating a woman who bec 


mes sexu- 


ally aroused when I rub her eyeballs 
She'll grab my finger and press it to the 
surface of her eye and rub it back and 


forth. She has climaxed a couple of times 
from this, Have you ever heard of an 
‘eyegasm”?—J.B., Houston, Texas 

We were introduced to this possibility by the 
1978 film An Unmarried Woman: "There 
ain't nothin’ wrong with a good old-fashioned 
eyeball orgasm.” Frankly, we are never sur- 
prised anymore by what can make a woman 
come. But we are curious: How did your lover 
discover this was a turn-on? And is it mastur- 
bating if she rubs her own eyes? 


In july you answered a question about infi- 
deity, telling a reader who was cheating on 
his wife, “You made 
can't keep your end of the H 
But doesn’t the commitment 


commitment. If you 
gain, leave. 


both ways? 


ILLUSTRATION BY ISTVAN БАН! 


In other words, is it fair for one spouse 10 
decide neither partner is going to have sex? 
Iftalking and encoura 


ing your spouse do 


no good, what are the options? I'm not say- 
fidelity is good or right, but I believe 


y of us the choices are a marriage 


fo 
without sex, a marriage with infidelity or 
divorce.—D.D., Lacey, Washington 

No, it’s not fair. What often happens is the 
spouse with the higher sex drive begins to resent 
his or her spouse but also feels bad about any 
desire to leave based “solely” on the lack of phys- 
ical intimacy. In her book The Sex-Starved Mar- 
riage, therapist Michele Weiner-Davis sends this 
message to the spouse with the lower libido: 
urge you to consider the unfairness of the tacit 
agreement you have had with your spouse so 
clearly pointed out in Pat Loves excellent book 
The Truth About Love, It goes something like 
this: T know you're sexually unhappy. Although 
1 don't plan on doing anything about it, I still 
pect you to remain faithful.’ Can you see what's 
wrong with this picture?" Weiner-Davis suggests 
the hornier spouse should first consider that his 
or her ideas about why a partner doesn’t want 
sex are likely “inaccurate and destructive.” Her 
book examines some of the many reasons a per 
son may lose interest, However, its subtitle is A 
Couple's Guide to Boosting Their Marriage 
Libido—i.e., it's a team effort. If your spouse isn't 
willing to negotiate or even discuss this problem, 
as you would with any other conflict, there are 
likely other serious fissures in the relationship. 


Which is true: Beautiful women don't 
get asked out often because most men 
are too intimidated, or beautiful women 
get approached often, as claimed by 
the pickup artist who wrote The Mystery 
Method?—D.C., Edmonton, Alberta 

Beautiful women get hit on all the time, but 
some are more perceptive than others 


ried a woman with two great kids, 
ages nine and 12. We want to start saving 
for college and have looked at 890 plans, 
Which do you recommend? Should we 
even be saving at all? We've heard saving 
for retirement is more important —B S., 
Fort Worth, Texas 

Most advisors recommend you first maxi- 
mize contributions to your retirement funds 
because employers typically match them and 
you can always borrow money to pay for 
college. Once you're on the right course for 
retirement, aluate the various state 529 
plans, which are named after the section of 
the Internal Revenue Code that created them. 
A great place to start is Savingforcollege.com, 
which rates plans by performance and fees. 
In mast cases you don't have to live in а state 
to invest in its plan, although you won't ben- 
efit from any income-tax break provided to 
residents. Once invested, contributions grow 
tax-free. Because withdrawals for educational 
expenses are also tax-free, they are consid- 
ered parental assets rather than income when 


CERVEZA 
MAS 
FINA 


ser Cim Imp 


applying for federal financial aid, which works in your favor. How- 
ever, 529 savings may reduce aid that comes directly from the school. 


A reader in July asked for the best comeback to someone who 
says, “I fucked (or used to fuck) your girlfriend.” You said you 
weren't sure because “the conversation would be over." 1 have 
a better response: “Really? She feels great once I get past the 
part you were using.” That will shut him up. I would hope the 
female in question would appreciate that you have a quick wit 
and had put her ex in his place —A.L., St. Paul, Minnesota 

Perhaps she would, if you had said something witty. The only reason 
а guy would make а crack about his ex in the first place is to provoke 
‘you, зо no retort will “shut him up.” Instead, you'll end up in a game 
of "Your mother is so ugly...” This will demonstrate to your girlfriend. 
not only that you, like her ex, consider her a fuck toy but that she con- 
finues to have poor taste in men. 


Your nonanswer demeans the memory of Edmond Rostand’s 
great character Cyrano de Bergerac. Like me, De Bergerac would 
use wit before the rapier. Advisor, why not admit you're clueless, 
loosen your shorts and ask what readers think? We may have a 
few Solomon-like qualities —R,L. San Francisco, California 

We have great faith in our readers but remain confident about our 
nonresponse response. 


Whar is the etiquette if you see a fight? I feel bad if 1 see some- 
one getting beaten up, but I'm not sure it's my duty to break up 
the fight—D. E, Columbus, Ohio 

Don't risk injury to stop two strangers. If you jump in, they won't know 
your intentions, so you re likely to be the first one punched. If a friend is 
confronted, you can attempt to break it up but may not be doing him any 
favors. David Kaufman of the Martial Arts Law Center (haratelaw.com) 
points out that many people will grab a friend around the body or by the 
‘arm, rendering him defenseless and perhaps giving him the impression 
he’s being attacked from behind. You also don't want to grab the other 
guy, because that makes it two on one, and you may be held accountable 
for his injuries. A better move is o face your friend while getting between 
him and the person he is fighting, says Kaufman, an attorney and black 
belt who has testified as an expert witness at trials over fights that got out 
of hand. “Don't forget to hunch your head and back, because you will 
get hit by the other person” and perhaps by your friend, if he's throwing 
а punch. But this move is safer for your friend. Alternatively, follow the 
lead of UFC and boxing referees, who quickly jump between combatants 
иййе using their forearms to push them in opposite directions. This works 
only for fistfights; never leap into the fray if weapons are involved. 


In an age of cell phones and Google why do men continue to 
deny they're cheating? In the past couple of months two of my 
girlfriends have discovered their mates infidelities via phone 
records. In one case a wife was using her husband's phone and 
noticed an unfamiliar name. Suspicions aroused, she found her 
husband proudly listed on the woman's Facebook page as her 
"boyfriend." Her husband, despite this evidence, denied it. Just 

ау a friend who has been going through a breakup learned 
the name of the woman her ex is secing—a name she had spotted 
on his phone months ago—yet he still denies he was seeing the 
other Woman before their relationship ended. My husband says 
most men believe the way to react when confronted is to deny, 
deny, deny. But when the evidence is incontrovertible, why don't 
they man up and admit they are guilty as charged? It would seem 
to defuse a lot of fury in the long run —E.A., Chicago, Ш 

When a man is that sloppy, we wonder if he wants his wife to know 
but doesn't have the courage to tell her directly. However, the man 
in the second case you describe may well have not started dating the 
woman until after the breakup—he kept her on hold. It's also easier for 
many men to deny an affair than explain why they had it or face the 
{fact that their dalliance may cost them more than they expected. 


In July, while discussing a readers “aversion” to big breasts, you 
wrote that people “don't typically have the opportunity to observe 
great numbers of human beings naked and to see firsthand that 


most are not toned and perfectly lit.” As longtime nudists, my wife 

and I are among the exceptions, we even lived for several months 

ina New Hampshire nudist colony with 1.000 other people. If you 

hang around nudists long enough, you learn to recognize them 

from the rear by their body shape. However, the vast majority of 

people aren't attractive in the nude—R.M., Washington, Utah 
True, although love can make anyone sexy. 


М, friends and I have been invited to a party the host says will 
be casual chic, What does that mean exactly? I'm thinking about 
wearing a black suit without a іе ТАУ, Cleveland, Ohio 

А suit is foo much, even without a tie. An example of casual chic, 
also known as business casual or country club, is a nice pair of pants 
or jeans (dark in spring and fall, lighter in summer) with a solid-color 
button-down shirt, sports jacket and black or brown shoes (no pointed 
toes and no sneakers, although sandals are okay). Keep in mind that 
your socks should match your pants, not your shoes. In the summer or 
in temperate climates, try a seersucker or linen jacket. Younger guys 
typically can do without the jacket, but for anyone older than about 35, 
it gives you some form and hides any softening in the middle, Not wear- 
ing a jacket may also give off the vibe that you should have made more 
of an effort. Finally, our Fashion Director, Joseph de Acetis, strongly 
suggests a pocket square to add a touch of color and flair. 


In June you listed a number of online dating services but failed to 
mention social-networking sites such as MySpace and Facebook. 
I joined MySpace as a lark after growing tired of the big dating 
sites, which either had too many women who sounded desper- 
ate to meet someone or provided no good matches. 
rumors that some sites hire attractive women to show just enough 
interest to keep guys renewing their monthly membership. With 
the social-networking sites, you make friends first. It worked out 
beautifully for me: Last year I connected with a woman who is 
now my fianeée—].V,, Jefferson, Geor 

А good suggestion. Large dating sites also tend to have a lot of turn- 
aver because members keep seeing the same faces after a few months, 
especially if they're searching only for locals. 


А reader wrote in July because the love of his life is not a fa 
of ass hair. He did not want to wax, but you said it was the 
quickest and safest option. I don't like my own ass hair, and I 
have found the simplest method is to apply Nair for Men to my 
undercarriage. It gives me a smooth behind and coin purse to 
boot.—].M., Burbank, California 

Thank you for that image. It's never wise to use a depilatory on the 
testicles, perineum, anus, nipples or other sensitive areas because of the 
potential for chemical burns, especially if ts left on for longer than a 
few minutes. However, we suppose it could remedy a hairy butt. 


m 46, and my boyfriend is 54. I'm an ex-nympho, and he's 
an ex-player since having his prostate removed due to cancer. I 
have no sex drive, and his is very low. When I ask him if we can 
do better, he says it doesn’t bother him. Do relationships like this 
work? Гуе never known a man who didn't want sex. Please don't 
tell me to take hormones, as I'm not interested in going back to 
my old life. We like and respect each other, and our relationship 
is quite normal in every other way—R.W., Sarasota, Florida 
Apparently, they do work. However, we recommend you set aside time each 
week to get naked together under the sheets. You never know what might 
develop, and touching and being touched is just a hell of a lot of fun. 


All reasonable questions—from fashion, food and drink, stereos and 
sports cars to dating dilemmas, taste and etiquette—will be personally 
answered if the writer includes a self-addressed, stamped envelope. 
The most interesting, pertinent questions will be presented in these 
pages each month. Write the Playboy Advisor, 730 Fifth Avenue, 
New York, New York 10019, or send e-mail by visiting our website 


at playboyadvisor.com. Our greatest-hits collection, Dear Playboy 
Айди; O availabe їп bookstores and online. 


relax . 
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THE PLAYBOY FORUM 
THE NEW COLD WAR 


AS A RESULT OF GLOBAL WARMING, THE CONTOURS OF THE NEXT 
BIG INTERNATIONAL DISPUTE ARE ALREADY ON THE HORIZOI 


BY SLAVOJ ZIZEK 


n July 2, 2008 the National Snow and Ice Data Cen- xlay's estimates, up to one quarter of the world’s untappe 
ter in Boulder, Colorado reported that Arctic sea il and gas may lie under the Arctic Ocean. Russia's claim 
ice is melting much faster than predicted. In fact predictably, opposed by the four other countries whose terti- 


the North Pole may briefly be ice-free by this fall. tory borders the Arctic region: the U.S., Canada, Norway and 
Until recently the predominant reaction to such news Denmark (through its so му over Greenland). 
was an ominous call for emergency measures, citing the While it is difficult to determine the soundness of these 
approach of an unthinkable catastrophe and intimating the predictions, it is clear an extraordinary social and psycho- 
time to act is quickly running out. Lately, though, we hear logical change is taking place right before our eyes, a change 
more voices enjoining us to warm to global warming. The p cribed a century ago by the French philosopher Henri 
simistic predictions, we are told, should be put into a balan ) fore the outbreak of World War 1. Prior to August 
context, True, climate change will bring increased resource 914 everyone knew war was probable, For decades omi- 
competition nous signs were 
coastal floodin, Ч everywhere, yet 
infrastructur s 4 no one really 
damage from elieved it 
melting perma would happen 
frost and stresses The day after 
on animal species the war began 
ind the indig people all over 
enous cultures o Europe accepted 
of the region (all : it with no fus 
iccompanied by 
ethnic violence 
civil. disorder 
ind local gang urs, it is 
rule). However renormalized 
we should bear Ч ind then per- 
in mind that the ceived as part of 
hitherto hidden the normal run 
treasures of a 4 f things. An 
new continent | nt is ехре- 
will be disclosed rienced as p 
its resources will 4 sible only once 
become accessi- it really h 
ble, and its land ` pens. The gay 
will become suit- that allows such 
able for human 
habitation. In 
ibout а year nowledge and 
xo ships will _ belief: We know 
be able to take a direct northern route, cutting the consump- the catastrophe (ecological, in our case) is possible 
tion of fuel and reducing carbon emissions. E iness and probable, yet we do not believe it will really happen. 
state powers are already searching for new economic oppor- Is this not happening today? A decade ago the use of 


Russian flag beneath the ШИНА 


one betwee 
ice cap bt the North Pole. унтаа 


tunities, which do not concern only or even primarily "grec torture by the U.S. and the participation of neofascist par- 
industry" but which much more simply and directly c ties in a Western European democratic government wer 
the exploitation of nat ned up by climatic char dismissed as ethical catastrophes that were sible 
The contours ofa п ld War are thus appearing on the however, when the impossible happened, we immediately 
horizon, and this time it will be a conflict fought in (literally) | became accustomed to it and accepted it as obvious. 
very cold conditions. On August 2, 2007 a team of Russian This same direct passage from impossibility to normaliza- 
explorers planted a titanium capsule with its country’s lag | tionis discernible in how state pow 1 big capital relate 
under the ice cap of the North Pole. The Russian claim ı t ical threats like the meltdown of polar ice. The 
the Arctic region is neither for scientific reasons nor an act of | same politicians and managers who until recently dismissed 
propagandistic bravado; rather, its true goal is to secure for 15 the apocalyptic scaremongering of ex- 
Russia the vast energy riches of the Arctic. Indeed, according mmu: at least as a premature conclusion based 


on insufficient evidence, thus assuring us 
there is no reason for panic, that basi- 


cally things will go on as usual—are now 
suddenly treating global warming as a 
simple fact, as part of things going on 
“as usual.” In October 2007 the Interna- 
onal Herald Tribune published an article 
about the greening of Greenland, cele- 
brating the new opportunities the melt- 
ing ice offers to Greenlanders. (They can 


already grow vegetables on the open 
land, for instance.) The obscenity of this 
report was not only its focus on the minor 
benefit of a global catastrophe; adding 
insult to injury, it played on the double 
meaning of “green” in our public speech 


("green" for vegetation; “green” for eco- 


logical concerns): The fact that more 
vegetation can grow i 


because of global w 


Greenland's soil 
ming is ass 
with the rise of ecological awareness. 

Such phenomena are another example 
of how right Naomi Klein is in The Shock 
Doctrine, in which she describes the way 
global capitalism exploits cat 
(wars, political crises, natura 
to get rid of "old" social constr 
then imposes its agenda on a 
slate, Perhaps the forthcoming ecological 
disasters, far from undermining capital- 
ism, will serve as its greatest boost. 

What gets lost in this shift is the proper 
sense of what is actually going on, with 
all the unexpected traps the catastrophe 
hides. For example, one of the unpleasant 
paradoxes of our predicament is that the 
very attempts to counteract other ccologi- 
cal threats may contribute to the warming 
at the poles: The ozone hole helps shield 
the interior of the Antarctic from global 
warming, so if it were to be healed, the 
Antarctic could quickly catch up with the 
warming of the rest of the earth 

One thing at least is sure: While it used to 
be fashionable to talk about the dominant 

ale of intellectual labor in our postindus- 
trial societies, now materiality is reasserting 


ed 


trophes 
disasters} 
is and 


now clean 


itself with a vengeance in all its aspects. 
from the forthcoming struggle for scarce 
nergy, minerals) to 
environmental pollution. We should defi- 
nitely exploit the opportunities opened up 


resources (food, water, 


by global warming, but we should never 
forget we are dealing with a tremendous 
social and natural catastrophe—and that 
these opportunities are by-products of this 
catastrophe, which we should fight with 
all our means. In adopting a so-called bal- 
anced view, we act like those who plead for 
a balanced view of Hitler. True, he killed 
millions in the camps, but he also abolished 
unemployment and inflation, built hi 
ways and made the trains run on time 


Slavoj Žižek is author of Violence: Six Sideuny 
Reflections and In Defense of Lost Causes. 


By Farhad Manjoo 


dential candidate John McCain was 


|! late February Republican presi- 
wn hall meeting in Texas 


her of an autistic child 


easy question: Did he be- 
link between her son's 
d childhood va 
This was an easy question be 


cines 


ase 
science has given us a definitive 


answer: There is no link. For the bet- 


most comprehensive study, pub- 
lished in 2007 in The New England 
Journal of Medicine, concluded there 
is no “causal association between 
carly exposure to mercury from 
thimerosal-containing vaccines 
and deficits in neuropsychological 
functioning” in young children. 
But in his response to the mother 


in Texas McCain painted a different 


If you ignore the facts, the plane that hit the Pentagon on 9/11 was a missile. 


t of a decade vocal advocacy 
ded by aggrieved 

have 
neuro- 


ter pa 
groups, n 
parents of 
pushed the n. 
logical disorder may be caused by 
thimerosal, a mercury-based preser- 
vative used in vaccines in the United 
States between the 1930s and the late 
1990s, Their claims have taken hold; 
online, in books and maj 
on TY, including The Oprah Winfrey 
Show, parents of autistic children have 
called on Amer from 
vaccinating their newborns. A cot- 
tage industry of autism treatments 


ns to refrai 


has grown around these claims, with 
herbalists and natural healers advo- 
cating some 


es-dangerous “mer- 


cury leaching” remedies for children 
who suffer from the disorder 
Several scientific investigations 
have found no evidence to support 
the vaccine theory of autism. The 


picture of the science behind vac- 
nes and autism. There is “strong 
evidence that indicates that it's got 
to do with a preservative in vac- 
McCain said. The 
senator is not the only presidential 


cines," Arizona 
contender who adopts a view dis- 
proved by scientists. Barack Obama 
has called research into the autism- 
vaccine link “inconclusive,” and for- 
mer candidate Hillary Clinton says 
she supports more research on the 
matter—despite the fact that, to the 
medical community, the question is 


considered answered 

Welcome to the “post-fact” soci- 
ety. The claim that autism is caused 
by vaccines is just one of a number 
of unproven, unsupported ideas that 
have lately garnered a significant 
following across the land. Online, 
various ad hoc groups also push the 
notions that HIV is not the cause of 


AIDS, the 9/11 attacks were carried out 
by the government, Republic 
the 2004 election and there really were 


2003. Have you heard the one about сег and cigarette smoke, under: 


how Obama is secretly a Muslim? 

Each of these claims has been 
definitively struck down, debunked 
by scientific research and exhaustive 
investigation, but the rumors and 
pseudo-facts persist thanks to the digi- 
tal revolution, which has given us more 


information—and more choice over 
how we navigate that information— 
than ever, Today on the web, televi- 
sion and radio, you can watch, listen to 
and read what you want whenever you 
want, You can seek out and discuss the 
news that pleases you, dismissing the 
rest, And you can indulge your polit 


cal, social or scientific theories, how- 
ever baseless, with people who think 
exactly the same way 

As a result, on many of our most 
contentious national issues—the 
Iraq war and global warming, for 
instance—society has splintered. We 
no longer merely hold opinions dil- 
ferent from one another; we also hold 
different facts. 


left it alone, preferring to 


press the 
but the sm 


nore 


ns stole the audio recordings. The results 
were remarkable: When the speaker 
weapons of mass destruction in Iraq in argued there wa 


link between can- 
du- 


ates who didn't smoke were eager to 


»utton to hear more clearly, 
s didn't touch the but- 


The theory goes far in explaining 
why, when you're online, you often 
find yourself reading stuff that seems 
to reinforce what you have long sus- 
pected was correct 

Search engines can fuel selective 
exposure. Type “Pentagon 9/11" 
into Google, for instance, and you're 
presented with links pointing to two 
divergent stories about the terrorist 
attack: either the official narrative (a 
Boeing 757 struck the Pentagon) or 
the unofficial story (it was a missile, 
not a plane). You're free to jump down 
cither rabbit hole. Like the smokers 
in Brock and Balloun's study, you 
can decide, based on your worldview, 
what version of "truth" you'd like to 
consume. Whichever you choose, 
true, You'll find 
ss accounts, expert 


the story will see 


photos, eyewitr 


testimony and all manner of other 
documents purporting to 
prove what really happened that day 
In time you'll come to conclude that 
folks who believe otherwise are hope- 
lessly misinformed. 

This is how a society splinters. In 
surveys, а significant minority of 
Americans say they suspect the U.S. 


supporti 


The problem is not only techno- government might have had a hand 
logical but fueled by human nature in the 9/11 attacks, many parents 
Consider an experiment researchers now believe vaccinations may induce 
Timothy Brock and Joe Balloun con- ic. Yet when autism, and some people on the right 
ducted in the late 1960s, They asked researchers played a recording that believe global warming is a myth man- 
undergraduate students to listen to a link between — ufactured to destroy the economy 
series of prerecorded speeches cover Technology evangelists have long 
ing a range of topics. The test subjects smokers who preferred static. Smok- argued that the Internet would liber- 
were told that each of the speeches ers, meanwhile, pressed the button ate us from lies and myths propagated 
to listen to a speech that comforted 
them about their habit Increasingly, however, it seems as if 
Brock and Balloun's study was one digital technology is helping us all 
of the first to show that people tend live in online echo chambers built 


ged claims of 
g and cancer, it was the nor 


had been recorded on a cheap tape 
recorder and were thus marred by 
static, but the students could reduce 
the interference for a few seconds by 
pressing a button in the testing room. to seek out inform 

Brock and Balloun monitored their beliefs and av 
when people pressed this button to they find unpleasa 
get a closer listen and when they chologists сай selective exposure 


by powerful media organizations 


on confirming wholly of our own facts, 
information 

an idea psy- Farhad Manjoo is author of True Enough: 
Learning to Live in a Post-Fact Society. 


SCIENCE OVER SOUND BITE: AMANDA PEET STICKS TO HER GUNS 


It's refreshing to see a celebrity stand her ground on a science ques- vaccinating, so therefore we don't have 10.” In this era of cynicism it's 
tion— particularly when so many politicians and public intellectuals seem hard to believe that any corporation, medical or otherwise, has our be: 
to be running scared on such issues. In an interview in Cookie magazine, — interests at heart. But it's irresponsible to suggest that virtually the entire 
Amanda Peet, who stats in The Whole Nine Yards and medical community, the Centers for Disease Control and 
Syriana and plays an FBI agent in this past summer Prevention and the American Academy of Pediatrics are 
X-Files movie, criticized parents who refuse to vaccinate behind a massive cover-up about vaccine safety. Four- 
their kids. A predictable uproar followed. Peet, whose teen studies have been conducted, both in the U.S. and 
sister and brother-in-law are doctors, stuck to her guns in abroad, and these tests are reproducible; no matter where 
a statement reacting to critics. While apologizing for her they are administered or who is funding them, the con- 
harsh language (“Frankly, | feel that parents who don't clusion Is the same: There 15 no association between au- 
tism and vaccines. The real question is why the media. 
and joumalists are stil presenting vaccine safety as a 
controversy. There are still some fringe scientists who 
claim HIV Б a government conspiracy, but these people 
do not get a lot of media coverage, as It's accepted that 
this theory has no medical or biological plausibility.” 


vaccinate their children are parasites"), she said, “1 still 
believe the decision not to vaccinate our children bodes 
for a dangerous future. Vast reductions in immunization 
Will lead to a resurgence of deadly viruses. This is as in- 
disputable as global warming. | know а lot of parents who 

Tetly use as a justification "Wall, enough people are 


READER RESPONSE 


TO CHOOSE OR NOT TO CHOOSE 

Randall Terry and pro-life groups 
such as Operation Rescue fail to 
understand that abortion isn’t always 


Protesters mark 35 years of Roe v. Wade. 


about an unplanned pregnancy ("Will 
Roe v. Wade Continue to Stand?” July) 
In the interview Terry says his goal is 
to reach the people who are going to 
“be tempted to abort their child 
However, many women are forced to 
end the pregnancy of a very wanted 
baby. The three most terrifying words 
à woman can hear during a pregnancy 
are incompatible with life. Since abortion 
is sometimes a medical necessity, it is 
imperative that it be legal. It never 
ceases to amaze me that in all the pro- 
life arguments this angle of the story 
never comes up 

Adrianne Ratzel 

Little Valley, New York 


Terry's statement that “if the! 
God, there is no such thing as right 
and wrong, good and evil” is laugh- 
able. How many humans throughoi 

history have been killed in the name 
of God? I dare say such killings con- 
tinue to this day. Terry also states that 
his goal is to make abortion illegal in 
all 50 states; perhaps he should con- 
centrate his efforts on preventing 


is no 


unplanned or unwanted pregnancies, 


е doing so would reduce the num- 
of potential abortions. Many 
antiabortion movement also 
oppose birth control and the teaching 
of medically accurate sex education in 


the 


schools. Denying people access to 
birth control and sex education will 
result only in more unplanned preg- 
nancies and thus more people seeking 
That doesn’t seem very 
Terry wants to make 
ntry 


abortions. 
logical to me 
abortion illegal again in this co 


and take away the right of a 
to decide fo 


women 


themselves whether or 
not to carry a pregnancy to term. He 
must feel that he 
themselves, knows wha 


rather than women 


is best for 


them. Spare me, please. Stop trying to 
stick your nose where it doesn't 


belong, Mr. Terry 


Ann Moriarity 
Gerald, Missouri. 


First I would like to commen 
ng a different point of 
ry. It’s 
only by hearing both sides of a story 


you 


for present 
view in your interview with Te 


that we can make educated decisions. 
While Terry me 
tion illegal will « 


as well, making abor- 


© more problems 
to pay for 
abor- 


it solves. Who is goin 
that child? Most pe 
tions are not financially or mentally 
ready for the responsibility of raising a 
child, and Republi 1 like wel- 
fare. This planet is stressed enough 
with its current population. How are 
we going to feed these hildren 
when food prices are going up and 
there are food shortages around the 
world? How much would gas be if 
we had millions more drivers on the 
road? How many wars will we have 
to fight to get enough oil? People like 
Terry fail to look at the issue in the 
context of the big picture. They don't 
take into account the toll these added 
children will take on their parents, 
d the pl 


society a 


Rick Garcia 
Los Gatos, California 


rified afte 
s. He is try 
t her ch 


1 was hc 
statemei 
wh 


ling Terry's 
g to tell every 
should be with 


wom 


Readers take issue with Randall Terry. 


her pregnancy, yet he cannot possibly 
understand the emotional ramifica- 
tions of pregnancy, especially in cases 
involving rape. In addition, he attacks 
anyone who has a faith different from 


his own, saying that only through 
belief in his god are people and soci- 
ety able to know right from wrong. He 
seems to believe that those without his 
for 
themselves what is right and so wishes 


religion aren't capable of choos 


to choose for everyone. Terry seems to 


spout his religious beliefs as integral 


to our nation despite the fact that the 
nation as a whole is made up of a great 
number of faiths and beliefs, Morals 
are not made by faith; they are just 
reinforced by faith. Overturning Roe v 
Wade would be detrimental to society 
and would promote unsafe black- 
market abortions just as Prohibition 


Why do activists often decry birth control? 


led to deadly bathtub gin. Perhaps 

Terry should think beyond himself and 

his god when trying to save the world. 
Ashley Bruels 
Minneapolis, Minnesota 


Terry's ability to hang his cause on 
tired Christian values is astoundingly 
fundamentalist. 1 found him more 
incendiary for his chorus of sexist 
remarks than for his crusade to emo- 
tionally bludgeon those who de: 
the wonder of human life.” For 
example, to make the gross general- 
ization that “most wom 

abiding 
lower 


ate 


n are law- 


as a means to rationalize a 
k-alley abortions 
is insulting. He says he has a “far 
higher view of women than the rheto- 
ric of the pro-abortion movement 


ncidence of bac 


shows," but he insists on using the 
same old gender-specific stereotypes 
Tara Stillions 


Los Angeles, California 


Email via the web at letters.playboy.com. Or 
write: 730 Fifth Avenue, New York, NY 10019. 


k, left a bad taste in our mouth 
It had nothing to do with the particulars of the case 
but with an expert witness who used several innocu- 
5— Cook hi artners and likes 
Internet sex and desire. 
Dr. Stephen Herman, a 
using terminology one might expect in a depiction cf 
“impul structive, possibly 

emed to suggest he was an unfit 
ell to check out another 
enity trial in Florida in which 
Walters is using Google da 
ve honest community standard 
yardstick used to define obscen- 
n that in the region where the trial 
y" outnum- 


father. Herman 
е, an ob 


try to establish a 


the very flexible leg 


feel and act in their own 


tt about like Peter Cook 


Flight Fright your hands, c tal homes and prisons to 
WASHINGTON, D.c.—À Homeland 5 the local эг public-performance licenses. So 
ficial has expressed interest in sex offene her law- why not the Pentagon? 


nology for airline travel: à bra suit was Jeremy Hall, a soldier 
an be used in lieu of a boarding pass. who y in raq. Du- Stealing With Impunity 
Each electronic ID bracelet would contain ing his time t MONTGOMERY COUNTY, TExas-It has become 


d his Baptist 


routine for police authorities to seize 
cash and other assets from suspected 
drug traffickers and money launderers 

thout ing guilt or tying the 
money sected crimes. The 


personal data about the traveler м 
itand would also 
enable airline 
staff to remotely 
incapacitate pas 


ring 


sengers, using rong from the start 
electro-muscular ttracting attention after а se- 
disruption—the ries of Scandals prompted inquiries into 
same technology where the assets end up, While federal 


used in Tasers 
Paul Ruwaldt, 
ence and Technc 


seizures are put into a specific fund, 
state laws vary. In Texas it has emerged 
that in one Mont- 


DHS official in the Sci- 
ry Directorate, wrote to 


the manufacturer, Lamperd Less Lethal, Pay to Play gomery County case. 
“To make it clear, we [the federal govern-  orrawa-An intell the money went to 
ment] are interested in...the immobili pay for a margarita 


(which in 
is used by 
attorney 
rgarita- 


security bi t and look forward 


ceiving a written p 
Nice Suit 


to win a m 


oriented boutique in Cir 
Ohio law that 


of distributing ol 


highlight 
to avoid 
vatism 


ene material whether 
ien the magazine now in 


ASCAP pui 


area royalti 


making contest at 
the county fair), 
Another Texas DA 
paid for reelection 


ads; yet another 
took his department 
to a training s 
sion—in Hawaii 


DESTROY 
AN AN ENT EVIL 
WITH BEASTS, 
BLADES AND MAGIC 


mi PETE WENTZ 


A candid conve 


ition with rock’s emo poster boy about marrying Ashlee 


Simpson, appearing nude on the web and why so many people hata his guls 


е recently declared, he "is 
the Antichrist; to others, he's а savior 

Who is this controversial and divisive fig- 
ure? A politician—Kim Jong Il or Hugo 
Chavez? Could it be Charles Manson? Maybe 
L. Ron Hubbard? Rupert Murdoch? No, the 
polarizing potentate is the bassist and lyricist 
of the rock band Fall Out Boy 

Actually, that’s an inadequate descrip- 
tion, Pete Wentz's mightiest instrument is 
the Internet, and his true job is provocateur: 
Black-haired and five-foot-seven, usually 
photographed wearing eyeliner, he is the first 
web 2.0 rock star: A constant presence online, 
he has created an interactive relationship with 
fans enthralled by word-mad songs that sob 
or elate and comment constantly on their own 
emotionalism. Self-portraits of Went: naked 
with cock in hand dominated the Internet in 
March 2006 and generated suspicion that he 
had issued them himself to create buzz. Wentz, 
29, even met his wife, 24-year-old pop starlet 
Ashlee Simpson, via e-mail. 

Androgyny has always inflamed fans’ hor- 
mones (“Pm pretty much half gay.” Wentz 
once said), but eyeliner alone isn't the basis 
of Wentz's stature. Fall Out Boy's style 
of music, emo, has surged into the main- 
stream in the past several years because an 
entire generation hears ils own experiences 
described іп the genre's diaristic lyrics about 


ife аз a famous person in rock is vastly different 
now in the camera-phone culture. There was no 
camera phone watching the guys т Led Zeppelin. 
There's something about the MySpace-Facebook 
culture that makes me seem more accessible.” 


tortured romances and crippling self-doubt, 
and it prizes these scars like priceless j 

Emo bands don't merely wear their heart on 
their sleeve—they lift up their sleeve to show 
the bloody wounds underneath. 

The oldest of three kids, Peter Lewis 
ingston Wentz HI grew up in Wilmette, 
Illinois, a prosperous Chicago suburb. He 
seems to have had a typical suburban child- 
hood: He was a talented soccer player, lost 
his drivers license for repeatedly speed 
and enrolled at DePaul Un 

ng at home. Like most suburban tales, 


els. 


Wentz's involves hedge-hidden troubles: a 
ty of mental-illness diagnoses, a forced 
stint in boot camp and a medicine cabinet 
full of prescribed uppers and downers 

After time in several hardcore punk bands, 
tz formed Fall Out Boy—a fan suggested 
the name, which comes from a passing joke 
in an episode of The Simpsons—with singer- 
guitarist Patrick Stump, guitarist Joe Trohman 
and drummer Andy Haley, Ты jut oul 
their first album in 2003 (Wentz now calls 
it embarrassing") and followed it with Take 
This to Your Grave. Island Records noticed 
their underground following and, coinciden- 
tally, had a deal with the band's label, Fueled 
By Ramen. Their ta cent albums, 
From Under the Cork Tree (2005) and Infinity 
on High (2007), have sold six million copies. 


o most 


“I pulled a trigger on a gun aimed at nyse 
My friend and I did one pull each. We'd been 
drinking and had taken Ambien. I feel stupid 
‚en talking about it. It's one of the reasons 
ned a gun—Tm too impulsive.” 


While Fall Out Boy was recording its fifth 
album, PLAYBOY sent contributing editor 
Rob Tannenbaum to Wentz's L.A. house for 
an inter 

“Wentz has created his own suburban idyll 
in Beverly Hills. His wife, Ashlee Simpson, 
copiously pregnant in her second trimester, 
walked around the house doing arts-and- 
crafts projects with a friend to pass the time. 

The first day we talked for five hours, 

sitting in matching armchairs overlooking 
the hills. When it was over Simpson said 
to her husband, 1 don't think Г be able to 
talk to you for that long.’ The next day 
had another five-hour talk in the same spot 
"You guys have to be best friends by now, 
right?” she asked me 

“She also periodically texted him from 
the kitchen. ‘Let me see if I'm in trouble," 
he said, checking for a message. Even 
though the couple try to keep their careers 
separate— We don't do too many interviews 
together, he warned—Simpson gave up her 
crafts project long enough to talk about 
what she craves during pregnancy and 
she made Wentz chase her so relentless 


PLAYBOY: Googling you is a fascinating ех- 
perience. There are so many people who 
love you and so many who hate you. 

WENTZ: 1 can definitely admit to the 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY MIZUNO 
Ashlee and Jessica are both like Dennis Rod- 
man—they're rebounders. They get back up 
again. Jessica is America's sweetheart; she's 
the girl next door but hotter. Ashlee marches 
to the beat of her own drummer.” 


PLAYBOY 


42 


different things people like and don't like 
about me. I'm probably the most outspo- 
ken rock musician of my generation. I 
pretty much say what I'm thinking. And 
people come up and tell me what they 
don’t like about me. 

PLAYBOY: Really? We can't imagine Mick 


Jagger and Bruce Springsteen having 


the same problem. 
WENTZ: Life as a famous person in rock 
is vastly different now in the camera- 
phone culture 
no camera phone watching the guys 
in Led Zeppelin. There’s something 
about the MySpace-Facebook culture 
that makes me seem more accessible 
and easier to talk to 

PLAYBOY: So when people say 
what they don't like about you, 
it’s as if they're posting on you 
MySpace page. What's the con- 
nection between Fall Out Boy 
nd MySpace? 

WENTZ: The biggest connec- 
tion is that we came up around 
the same time, We embraced 
MySpace early on, We were 
definitely the first band to reach 
a million friends. We've had 
astounding successes based on 
MySpace and Facebook. 
PLAYBOY: Do you think MySpace 
has enabled a generation of 
exhibitionists? 

WENTZ: Everybody wants to be 
MySpace famous, to have more 
friends than other people, to 
have that angle that makes you 
look hot. It's so out of hand 
and ridiculous, and I'm sure 
we contributed to this culture. I 
have to point a finger at myself 
for being one of the people 
who sat there with the build- 
ing blocks of it. Backstage at 
shows, fans are far more inte 
ested in getting a photo with 
us than in having a conversa- 
tion, We live in a Photobucket- 
Flickr culture where people are 
constantly documenting the 
experiences. I'm acutely aware 
of cameras now, to the point of 
paranoia, Do you see that big 
house across the hills from us? I swe 
can see a telephoto lens in the window 
That's how crazy I am. 

PLAYBOY: You don't sound enthusiastic 
about a camera-phone culture. 

WENTZ: Ten years from now we'll know 
what it did to a generation. Like when 
our country was Ritali 
then 10 years later decided, “Oh, Rital- 
in’s pretty much like speed. That might 
not have been a good idea for everyone 
to be prescribed Ritalin 

PLAYBOY: But you're as much of an exhi- 
bitionist as anyone. 

WENTZ: I have four blogs. Sometimes 
I update them five times a da; 
times I don't update them Гога month. 
Титу to present myself as an open book. 


‘ou know, there was 


obsessed and 


ome- 


That's the great thing about the Inter- 
net—it has leveled the playing field. So 
if some tabloid writes that Ashlee and 
I have broken up, I can take a picture 
of us hanging out and post it online. 
Or if I read something online, I can 
respond to it in my blog. 

PLAYBOY: That’s the great part of the 
Internet. What’s the terrible part? 

WENTZ: The terrible thing is that some- 
one can sit there and write whatever they 
A lot of bloggers aren't that funny 
and the comments are pretty vapid 
They're just “This dude's fugly.” The 
guy who wrote that is probably posting 
while picking all the marshmallows out 
of his Lucky Charms 


want 


t, but 


kind of 


asn't much fun 


PLAYBOY: You say you have four blogs. 
but there are lots 
to be Pete Wentz. 
WENTZ: There are just insane levels 
of impersonation. Some of the sites 
will let a Pete Wentz impostor go, and 
people will talk to him. These guys 
should probably be on To Gatch a Pred- 
ator. Anyone can go online and be like, 
“It’s Pete Wentz. You should send me 
naked pictures.” 

PLAYBOY: So if our readers get an IM from 
“Pete Wentz” asking for naked photos— 
WENTZ: Do not send the pictures! 
PLAYBOY: One distinctive thing about Fall 
Out Boy is that the music is part of a 
larger cultural identity. It goes with a style 
of dressing, a way of viewing the world. 


f bloggers who claim 


WENTZ: It is a culture or a movement 
Its a giant pop-culture idea, but it's 
still weird and different. That's what 
the culture of Fall Out Boy has always 
meant to me. 
PLAYBOY: What do emo bands and fans 
have in common? What are the con- 
necting traits? 
WENTZ: You get the trait of this swoosh 
haircut over one eye and eyeliner on 
guys and tight jeans and 18 million 
blogs. The music has emotionally honest 
writing and lyrics that are pretty narcis- 
sistic and this idea of opening oneself up 
and pouring it out, which people then 
take further to suicidal cultures. 
PLAYBOY: Are you happy to be so closely 
identified with emo? 
WENTZ: All these magazines call 
us “the kings of emo.” I hap- 
pen to like the way my eyes 
look when I wear eyeliner. We 
made fun of the idea of emo 
in so many ways on our last 
album, but people didn't really 
catch on. 
PLAYBOY: You make fun of it, but 
you've also devoted years to it 
WENTZ: I’m happy to be part 
of a culture where the guys 
who were made fun of in high 
school are now the ones the 
jocks go to see onstage. I like 
the idea that everyone can get 
depressed and that there is a 
10 get through it. Depres- 
sion and misery are this great 
little house to live in by your- 
self. You know where every- 
thing is, and no one comes and 
bothers you. 
PLAYBOY: But emo is more about 
community than about solitude 
Blogs and concerts are ways of 
making connections. 
WENTZ: People miss that idea 
There is a community. I guess 
it's a giant version of us versus 
them but in a more empower- 
ing way 
PLAYBOY: You're a student of 
depression, How did that start? 
WENTZ: As a kid I always went 
to therapists; the first time 
was when my parents separated on my 
sixth birthday, then on and off since 
then. I was diagnosed with ADD—sce 
сай and car- 
toons—and manic depression. So I 
was prescribed Ritalin for the ADD, 
and for the 
prescribed mostly benzodiazepines, 
which I loved, and antidepressants. 
The list of drugs I've been prescribed 
would read like a grocery list, every- 
thing from Klonopin to Prozac 
PLAYBOY: What medications are you 
on now 
WENTZ: Xanax, which I use to go to sleep 
and when I'm anxious. 
PLAYBOY: When are you anxious? 
nytime attention is on me but 


wa 


also: raised on sugary c 


manic imbalances I was 


I'm not in control of the situation. If 
I'm at someone else's concert, that 
freaks me out really bad. I I have to 
meet a group of people, if Ги at a 
party, if I'm at an airport 

PLAYBOY: Is going through an airport 
a two-Xanax moment? A three-Xanax 
moment? 

WENTZ: You wouldn't want to know 
what my Xanax tolerance is. It's very, 
very, very high 

PLAYBOY: In February 2005, the night 
before Fall Out Boy was supposed to 
leave for a European tour, you took an. 
overdose of Ativan while sitting in your 
car, Why? 

WENTZ: It had more to do with being 
depressed. I wasn't thinking of killing 
myself. I've never really called it a sui- 
cide attempt. I just wanted my head 
to be completely turned off. I took a 
handful of Ativan. 

PLAYBOY: How many? 

WENTZ: Ahh, fuck. Probably 10. Enough 
that I was slurring my words, but 1 
didn’t die in the car. I called my man- 
ager, then he called my mom, and she 
came and got me and took me to the 
hospital 

PLAYBOY: The official explanation was 
that you had missed the tour because 
of food poisoning. 

WENTZ: Some members of the band 
didn't even know what was going on, 
because I wasn't talking to anybody. 
I was really, really, really weird. I was 
obsessed with death. I would lie with a 
blanket over my head and kind of just 
imagine what it was like to be dead. 
PLAYBOY: Why weren't you talking to your 
riends about how bad you felt? 

can't be talked off a ledge 
"Everything s going to be fine" is one of 
the most annoying parts of Americana 
Let me feel shitty. That’s the thing—we 
don't let people feel shitty. 

PLAYBOY: So what happened after the 
overdose: 
WENTZ: I was like, "I'm going to quit 
the band.” I just wanted to sit in my 
room, I remember flying to New York, 
and my dad had to fly with me to get 
me on the plane. 

PLAYBOY: Why did you need an escort? 
WENTZ: There was a time when I couldn't 
fly, 1 wouldn't get on a plane. If I saw a 
plane crash on the news, it meant my 
flight would crash the next day. If there 
were babies on the plane, it meant the 
plane wouldn't crash. If I was on the 
same flight as the rest of the band, it 
meant the plane would crash. 

PLAYBOY: That's pretty obsessive 
WENTZ: If I saw people who were fly- 
ing without a lot of luggage, I would 
decide they were terrorists. And—this 
is crazy; Гуе never told anybody about 
this before—I'd walk over and say, “Hey, 
did we go to high school together?” to 
try to get them to tell me what they 
were doing. Anxiety generalizes really 
fast, and soon alter that I couldn't ride 


in the tour bus, couldn't go on elevators. 
Tt was heading toward agoraphobia. 
PLAYBOY: You ve seen a few therapists. 
Why do you think you became obsessed 
with death? 
WENTZ: Fall Out Boy was on the preci- 
pice of this thing that could be giant 
or could be a flop. I couldn't micro- 
manage everything in my life any- 
more. Also, I just thought I wasn't a 
good person, so it wouldn't matter 
if the plane crashed, because God 
wouldn't care. I would think, If the 
plane lands, I'll become a good person 
and ГИ never be in a plane crash. And 
trust me, my belief in God was strictly 
airline-related. [laughs] It's a wonder 
to me that I came out the other side 
of those years. I was having depression 
and manic episodes, plus I had a very 
short fuse with people. A doctor pre- 
scribed me Klonopin and Xanax, and 
I was abusing prescription drugs. 
PLAYBOY: Did your temper ever get you 
into real trouble? Have you ever been 
arrested? 
WENTZ: 1 was arrest 
our first trip to the Video Music Awards, 
in September 2005. I hit a cop. I had 
come downtown to the Wicker Park 
area of Chicago, when I realized that 
the girl I was dating was cheating on 
me. Ї got into my car to leave her, and 
I smashed it into two other cars. It was 
like bumper cars. 1 wasn't in my right 
head; this was pure anger and frustra- 
tion. Then I got out and started punch- 
g out car windows. That's when the 
pulled up. I punched the side 
vor off a car, and an officer grabbed. 
ic. | made an attempt to punch him as 
well. It was pretty pathetic. He hand- 
cuffed me and put me in the back of a 
car. By that point it had become a total 
Cops moment. The neighbors were out- 
side, and the girl was crying. I had to 
call my manager from jail and say, “I 
don't think I’m going to the VMAs. 
PLAYBOY: How did your relationship with 
Ashlee start? 
WENTZ: I thought she was cute, and I had 
our management contact her manage- 
ment to get her e-mail address. I invited 
her to see Fall Out Boy play in L.A., and 
I knew she was the one when we first 
hung out. I chased her everywhere on 
the planet. I was like а caveman—I'd 
try to club her and drag her back to my 
cave. She hates when I bring this up, but 
we were both dating other people, and 
there was a long time when we were just 
buddies. I had to prove to her that I was 
ready to stop being wild 
PLAYBOY: How did you prove that? 
WENTZ: It was a war of attrition. Га call 
her, write e-mails, write letters. I'd send 
her CDs and flowers. 
PLAYBOY: Can we get Ashlee in here so 
she can tell her side? [Wen the room 
and returns with Simpson.] 
PLAYBOY: Ashlee, why did you make Pete 
work so hard? 


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PLAYBOY 


m 


SIMPSON: I kind of have an issue with. 
trust. But he chased me down for about 
a year, When I was in London to do 
Chicago, he would send me the best gifts 
and cards, My mom was like, 
you thinking? Go." 

PLAYBOY: Was there a specific moment 
when Pete finally won you over? 
SIMPSON: We were kind of seeing each 
other, and we planned a trip to Cabo. 
The day before, I called him and said, 
“Don't come." I kind of freaked out. So 
T called him that night and said, “Please 
come.” That’s when I fell in love with 
him. When he had to leave Cabo to go 
on tour, I cried 

PLAYBOY: Your mom liked him right 
away, but what about your dad, Joe? 
How did he feel about your dating a 
guy who wore eyeliner and had nude 
photos on the Internet? 

SIMPSON: My dad knows that if he did 
say something to me, I'd say, “I'm not 
talking to you.” [laughs] It works a little 
opposite with me than with Jessica. I'm 
like, "Don't tell me what to do.” 
WENTZ: The first thing Joe ever said to 
me was “We saw a little too much of you 
on the Internet last year, Pete.” It was a 
funny way to break the ice 

PLAYBOY: Were you nervous when you 
met Ashlee's parents? 

WENTZ: Joc gets himself a bad rap in the 
press all the time, but they're easy to get 
along with. I know everyone's like, “He's 
being told to say that by the Simpsons.” 
It's really not that way. No one tells me 
what to do, ГИ tell you that 

PLAYBOY: Have you had any cravings dur- 
ing the pregnancy? 

WENTZ: She craves pickles and pizza and 
Popsicles. And green olives go on almost 
everything, 

SIMPSON: Yeah, I'm into olives. Well, you 
guys get back to it. ГИ go back to my 
dogs. [She leaves. | 

PLAYBOY: What's the toughest part of 
Ashlee's pregnancy for you? 

WENTZ: She goes to bed at eight, and I 
have one of the worst cases of insomnia 
on the planet, so it's just me and the dogs, 
hanging out. You don't even know the 
transcendent conversations we hav 
PLAYBOY: How bad is your insomnia? 
WENTZ: If I don't take an Ambien, ГИ 
sleep for an hour. With Ambien, ГИ 
sleep from two AM. until seven. But if 
you don’t fall asleep, Ambien makes 
you hallucinate. About four months 
ago I took Ambien and almost set the 
house on fire. 

PLAYBOY: [s insomnia the key to being 
in a band, running a record label, ha: 
ing a clothing line and maintaining 
four blogs? 

WENTZ: Fortunately, I have a bit of a 
Reagan administration, where you just 
surround yourself with brilliant peo- 
ple and then they credit you with all 
the ideas, when there’s really someone 
else a lot smarter doing the job better 
than you could 


Fall Out Boy Wonder 


Wentz is more than just an emo-band member. Behind the eyeliner he's a real mogul 


Wentz started Clan- 
destine Industries 
to outfit guy-tiner 
wearers in T-shirts 


Unable to find 
clubs he felt com- 
fortable in, Wentz 
opened his own In 


Making’a smooth 
transition to TV, 
Wentz has played 
himself (а bassist) 


Wentz has a golden 
r. His record 
Imprint, Decay- 
dance, under the 


The songwriter 
switched to print 
tor The Boy With the 
Thom in His Side. 


and hoodies. It New York and Chi- asa high-schoolers Fueled By Ramen Тһе children’s book 
became so mar- cago, his home- romantic interest on label, Ба logo that (whose titie is froma 
ketable that DKNY town. Не describes Оте Tee MIL shot a college-age listen- song on the Smiths’ 
partnered on a line Angels Kings as | cameo for the first ers look for He has The Queen Is Dead 
“inspired by Wentz’s “а bar for all the episode of Califor- signed diverse (and, album) is based on 
music, dog, look rejects.” On the nlcation’s second thanks to him, suc- — recurring night- 
and rock and roll” депи Is а Fall Out seasonon Showtime cessful) acts such — mares Wentz had as 
His tattoo adorns „ Bomb: Grey Goose and selected music — asPanicatthe Disco a tyke. He is working, 
a few pleces,and Orange dropped юге Низ the MTV. (pictured), Lifetime, оп his next book, 

ofcourse his dog's into Venom Energy show and music- бут Class Heroes Rainy Day Kis. 

face is ona T-shirt. and Sprite. career catalyst ani Cobra Starship Rocky Rakovic 


PLAYBOY: You're likening yourself to 
Ronald Reagan? 

WENTZ: [Laughs] That's great. I'm sure 
that will get me in plenty of trouble 
PLAYBOY: So you like prescription pills. 
How much experience have you had 
with illegal drugs? 

WENTZ: I don't know if 1 want my mom 
to read this. Let's just say I haven't 
tried anything you have to stick into 
your veins. ГЇ tell you my ecstasy expe- 
r 1 was 13 or 14 and did ecstasy 
and acid at the same time. It's called 
candy flipping. Terrible. I was puking, 
and then the puke would wash off me 
because I was hallucinating, and the 
clock was moving backward. Everyone 
else was like, “Let's smoke menthol cig- 
arettes and give massages.” I learned 
quickly that I don't like drugs that 
make me hallucinate 

PLAYBOY: When you were 14 you were sent 
to a boot camp. Were you a bad kid? 
WENTZ: No, I was just directionless. 1 
didn't want to go to school—I'd skip 
and go skateboarding. So I had to 
see a counselor, and she strongly sug- 
gested I go to this boot camp in New 
Hampshire. The place later burned 
down, and the counselor who sent me 
there broke her neck and passed away, 
which is crazy. 

PLAYBOY: Do you think you needed to go? 
WENTZ: No. If anything, it caused essen- 
tial changes in my personality that were 


not good. 1 was on the phone with my 
parents every day, asking them to take 
me home, because the place was filled 
with all kinds of maniacs. They didn't 
believe me. 

PLAYBOY: So how did that change you? 
WENTZ: I've never met anyone who is 
less in touch with his emotions than I 
am, People make all kinds of confessions 
10 me, and I have zero emotional reac- 
tion. The only two times I can remem- 
ber erying are during Click, the Adam 
Sandler movie. I can communicate only 
by writing to someone or writing a song. 
In а one-on-one relationship I’m an 
android, like Data from Star Trek. 
PLAYBOY: Has therapy helped? 

WENTZ: I have a tendency to lie to ther- 
apists. In our song “Thriller” the line 
“Fix me in 45" isn't a reference to a 45 
rpm record; it’s a reference to a psy- 
chiatrist's hour, which is 45 minutes, I 
don't think I can be fixed. I see it like 
the Liberty Bell. Are you supposed to 
fix that crack? Then it’s not as interest- 
ing. I'm drawn to imperfections. All my 
heroes are tragic. 

PLAYBOY: So what's imperfect about 
Ashlee? 

WENTZ: In Ashlee’s world, the world of 
Hollywood, she is the black sheep 
PLAYBOY: How did Fall Out Boy fans 
feel about your dating a singer who 
had been caught lip-synching on Sat- 
urday Night L 


ENJOY WITH ABSOLUT RESPONSIBILITY: 


PLAYBOY 


46 


WENTZ: At first they were not super- 
stoked. They said, "She's fake. She's 
Hollywood. She's ugly. She's a typical 
fake whore.” For a second she was get- 
ting the Yoko Ono rap, which couldn't 
be further from the truth. 

PLAYBOY: Did you see the SNL episode 
with her as the musical gue: 
WENTZ: 1 saw it after it was broadcast. I 
think it’s funny how some people are 
singled out when it’s obvious a lot of 
people use backing tracks. The only 
thing I took away from it is that she's 
the kind of person who always gets 
up after being knocked down. People 
won't ever see Ashlee the way I do. I 
feel like a guy who found the end of 
the rainbow and has the leprechaun 
tied up in the corner. 

PLAYBOY: Docs Ashlee make good music? 
WENTZ: Ashlee makes awesome music. I 
love “Little Miss Obsessive,” and I love 
“Boys,” which is a total gay anthem, 
by the way. I liked her music before 1 
even met her 

PLAYBOY: How are Ashlee and Jessica 
alike? 

WENTZ: Ashlee and Jessica are both like 
Dennis Rodman—they're rebound- 
ers. They get back up again. Jessica 
is America's sweetheart; she's ihe girl 
next door but hotter. She has a big, 
forgiving heart. Ashlee marches to the 
beat of her own drummer 

PLAYBOY: Could you see doing a Sonny 
and Cher or Ike and Tina type of record 
with Ashle 
WENTZ: Hopefully not Ike and Tina. 
[laughs] No, not right now. Our tastes are 
so different. We would have to be in the 
poorhouse to do that. 

PLAYBOY: So after boot camp, how was 
high school? 

WENTZ: 1 was pretty outcast, but a lot of 
it was by choice. I was kind of a geek. It 
wasn't much fun. 

PLAYBOY: You were a star on the soccer 
team. Jocks aren't usually outcasts. 
WENTZ: Yeah, but soccer's a little fruity, 
and I looked weird. I would have been a 
giant Proactiv commercial. 

PLAYBOY: There must have been quite 
а contrast between your affluent V 
mette home and life on the road in a 
rock band. 

WENTZ: We went to Madison, Wisconsin 
to record Take This to Your Grave, slept 
on some girl's floor and completely ran 
out of money. Every week, the record- 
ing studio would give us a case of Coke 
and a case of Sprite. So we asked if we 
could trade the Sprite for some bread 
and peanut butter. I ran out of deodor- 
ant, and they had orange-scented ан 
freshener spray in the studio bathroom. 
Tused that as deodorant and ended up 
with these crazy hives on my arms. It 
felt as if I had taken razor blades and. 
tried to slit my armpits. 

PLAYBOY: We're used to hearing stories 
about bidding wars for young bands, but 
no one wanted to sign Fall Out Boy. 


WENTZ: Not at all. We sent our demos 
to everyone, and no one cared. The 
rejection letters were brutal. A lot of 
interns at Island Records were really 
into Fall Out Boy right after we'd got- 
ten upstreamed, and the Island execu- 
tives were like, “We should sign that 
band!” And everybody said, “You have 
the rights to that band.” We were com- 
pletely ignored by all the right people 
and completely obsessed over by this 
other group of people. 

PLAYBOY: Who were the obsessives? 
WENTZ: They were in dorm rooms and 
on their parents’ computer. We were 
completely a viral band. You could 
get tons of downloads online. And 
not even legal downloads—we were a 
peer-to-peer band. That’s what made 
our band: illegal file sharing 

PLAYBOY: Even after your success you 
still lived with your parents, until two 
years ago. Why? 

WENTZ: 1 was a loser. My room at my 
parents’ house is exactly the same as 
it was when I was six: the fliers on the 
wall, the posters, all my toys. When 
Ashlee and I visit, we sleep in twin 


I was a loser. My room at my 
parents’ house is exactly the 
same as it was when I was six: 
the posters, all my toys. 
When Ashlee and I visit, we 
sleep in twin beds. 


beds. I still have the letters I wrote 10 
my parents when I was 10, after I got 
grounded or spanked: “I hate you. I'm 
moving out. I'm running away." 
PLAYBOY: You were a very emo kid 
WENTZ: Totally. 1 was a solitary guy. I was 
definitely into invisible friends and mak- 
ing up stories. 

PLAYBOY: What was so special about being 
six years old? 

WENTZ: It was the last time I was truly 
happy, when every moment of my life 
was happy from waking up to bedtime. 
PLAYBOY: Do you still feel like a loser? 
WENTZ: I've never been able to see myself 
in any way other than I did when I was 
14 years old. I'm always sure the band's 
success is about to end. 

PLAYBOY: How did you finally leave Chi- 
cago, at the age of 977 

WENTZ: I left because I hated a bunch 
of people in my life. I moved to Cali- 
fornia and went out seven nights a 
week. Out here I was just a nobody. 
I couldn't get in anywhere. I had to 
be part of someone else’s entourage. 
I wanted to go everywhere and do 
everything, and I met everyone. That's 


interesting for about two weeks. 
PLAYBOY: It was more than two weeks. 
You dated Lindsay Lohan and Michelle 
‘Trachtenberg. 

WENTZ: 1 was always pretty monogamous, 
outside of when I first got to LA. The 
number of people I've slept with is under 
15. I could name them all. 

PLAYBOY: How many people have you 
made out with? 

Fuck, I couldn't count. I would 
kissed fewer than 100 girls. My 
wife will go apeshit if this makes it into 
the story, but I've made out with people 
whose last name I didn't know. And this 
was long before I was a celebrity. 
PLAYBOY: 11 sounds like you weren't 
enjoying L.A. 

WENTZ: I was lonely all the time. I was 
drinking by myself and taking pills at 
the same time, It made me crazy. Dude, 
I've punched out so many TVs, 
unbelievable. My friend had a gun, and 
we used to play around with that 
PLAYBOY: Are you saying you played Rus- 
sian roulette? 
WENTZ: I pulled a trigger on a gun 
aimed at myself, yes. My friend and I 
did one pull each. We'd been drinking 
and had taken Ambien, I feel stupid 
even talking about it. It's one of the 
reasons I've never owned a gun—I'm 
too impulsive. Га probably get mad 
and shoot someone over a part in a 
song or something. 

PLAYBOY: You're worried you would 
shoot one of your bandmates? 
WENTZ: “Patrick, you motherfucke 
(laughs) 

PLAYBOY: You're а manic-depressive who 
likes to take prescription pills and has 
suicidal impulses when drunk. Do you 
still drink alcohol? 

WENTZ: 1 don't 


At my wedding 1 
didn’t even drink any champagne. At 
the same time, there's a part of me in 
the past three years that would kill to 
steal a prescription pad and get some 
happy pills. 

PLAYBOY: Did you and Ashlee 
ding registry? 

WENTZ: No. We asked people to give 
donations to a group called Invisible 
Children. We decided that would be 
better than asking for gifts. I was lik 
“We don't need а new coffeemaker 
Then I was sitting around the house, 
and I realized we did need a new cof- 
feemaker. [laughs] 

PLAYBOY: Not very long ago you said, 
My biggest dream is to move to 
Nebraska and marry someone super- 
regular.” 

WENTZ: Obviously, the exact opposite 
happened. Ashlee is far more famous 
than I am or will ever be. But part of 
me still wakes up every day and wants 
to break up Fall Out Boy and move to 
South America. We have a lyric on the 
new record, “I just want to go out and 
preach on Manic Street.” It’s a reference 
to the Manic Street Preachers, whose 


have a wed- 


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PLAYBOY 


guitarist disappeared, just left, at the 
peak of the game 

PLAYBOY: How can you tell Ashlee is more 
famous than you are 

WENTZ: When we're on a red carpet 
together, photographers sometimes don't 


even want me to stand next to her 
PLAYBOY: Photographers actually tell you 
to get out of the way? 

WENTZ: They're like, “Oh, solo shot 
That's a nice way of saying, "You 
shouldn't be in the picture.” It's a great 
ego check for me 

PLAYBOY: What if we were to do a pic 
chart of your fame? How much of it 
comes from being with Ashlee? 
WENTZ: Okay, let's see. Fifty percent is 
from being married to Ashlee Simpson. 
Twenty percent is from being in Fall 
Out Boy. Seven percent is from being 
related to Jessica Simpson. Six percent 
is from having penis pictures on the 
Internet. Where are we now? I'd say 
five percent is from “Pete Wentz Indus- 
he bar, the clothing line, being 
connected to Panic at the Disco and 
Gym Class Heroes. Another five per- 
cent is for hosting ENMTY. Let's say six 
percent from my gay quotes. And let's 
add one percent for being in a video 
with ‘Tyga, the rapper. On a couple of 
occasions people have said, “You're the 
guy from Tyga's video!" I loved that 
PLAYBOY: That makes 100 percent 
WENTZ: I'll be honest; th 
depressing because it’s only 20 per- 
cent Fall Out Boy, and I ly do 
Fall Out Boy 100 percent of the time 
It's the thing I work hardest at. It 
hurts because I don't want to be the 
guy who drives to Ralph's and pushes 
the grocery cart behind his wife. 
PLAYBOY: Like Kevin Federline? 

WENTZ: Exactly! 1 do work hard. 
PLAYBOY: Now that you're 
Fall Out Boy songs be less 
morose? 


tries 


s very 


ried will 
ngry and 


think everyone expects this to 
rd. 1 don't know that it is, 
с lyrics are from before 
The celebrity blogs will 
je every soi is about her. But usu- 
n people think I'm writing about 
a girl, I'm writing about something else. 
PLAYBOY: What are your pet names for 
each other? 

WENTZ: She calls me Petenut Butter, and 
1 call her Kit Kat because when she was 
in London that's what she liked to cat 
PLAYBOY: Very cute. You also said you 
two have different musical tastes. Are 
there any songs she won't let you play 
in the house? 

WENTZ: Lil Wayne has this song "Sky's 
the Limit” where he says, “When I 
was five my favorite movie was the 
Gremlins. / That ain't got shit to do with 
this.” Ashlee couldn't listen to it any- 
more. She said, “The words don’t make 
sense!” That was banned 

PLAYBOY: Did you and Ashlee sign a 
prenup 


WENTZ: We did one after the wedding 
Tthink Jessica might not have had one, 
and that made her whole divorce pretty 
messy. A prenup is about the most unro- 
mantic thing you can do around your 
wedding, but there were no disagree- 
ments. What you bring into a marriage 
is yours, and what you make together 
is Something you divide 
PLAYBOY: Are you and Ashlee having a 
boy or a girl? 
WENTZ: We know with 90 percent accu- 
racy that it's а boy, and our due date 
is around Thanksgiving, We don't have 
any names yet. My friend Andrew said, 
“Your kid has to have a name that would 
fit either a rock star or a senator.” 
PLAYBOY: Do you know where 
the baby was conceived? 
WENTZ: Ashlee claims to know a specific 
night when we were in New York. She 
was off her pill for two or three days 
before it happened. 
PLAYBOY: Wow. You're firing howitzers. 
WENTZ: I've got to say, my dudes were 
working great! Tony Romo said to me, “1 
did not know you had it in you.” 
PLAYBOY: [t's difficult to imagine you 
hanging out with the Dallas Cowboys 
quarterback 
WENTZ: I like Tony a lot. Неа rad dude, 
d we're both into Guns N’ Roses. 
Magazines always like 10 use pictures 
of us together: "Tony wears Nikes, but 
Pete's checking out Balenciaga bags." 
PLAYBOY: That's a clever way for them to 
allude to the Pete-is-gay rumors, 
WENTZ: Because I was on the cover of Out 
people love to be like, "Oh, that means 
he's gay." I'm all for gay marriage, but 
that doesn't really make me gay either 
ІГІ were, getting married and having а 
kid is, like, the world’s craziest beard. I 
don't think it would hurt me if I were 
gay, to be honest. I don't think I'd lose 
fans. At this point it would be casier for 
me to be gay, you know? 
PLAYBOY: Arc you done kissing guys? 
WENTZ: Yeah, thank God. I'm done kiss- 
ing everybody but my wile. 
PLAYBOY: Despite all the attention you get 
from the paparazzi, you shot the most 
famous photos of you—with your dick 
in your hand and a Morrissey album in 
the background. 
WENTZ: The day those photos came out 
they were Googled more than the war 
in Iraq, which is fucking crazy. Had 
I known that was going to happen, I 
would have manscaped a little bit 
Is it a favorable photo? 
does it show off the gear? [laughs] 
I guess so. I could have worse equip- 
ment; I could have better. When we 
on tour, we take gang showers because 
that’s usually what they have backstage 
in an arena. The great thing is, now I'm 
not scared to go in the shower or walk 
around naked in front of people. And 
Ashlee knew what the equipment looked 
like before she got involved with it 
(concluded on page 126) 


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An Амевтсан Experience” 


and prescribed Adderall. Joe doubts he has a condition, 


опе that requires a big pharmaceutical dose (60 mil- 
) on a daily basis. His schoolwork noticeably improved 
was taking Adderall, but he felt hyped up all the 
| e c e, like an energized zombie, as if some person other than 
tion drug tha ors s v erating his body. He feared he would become 
young as vity d nt on the drug, and without telling his psychiatrist he | 
It's finals time, and Joe, a s stopped taking his meds. But he retained his prescription so 
curly hair, sits o pills to his friends. 
iption, if | were to sell it all, would 
h is a lot of money to me,” says Joe, 


cell phone buzz ends ha -messag s neighbors are potential buyers.” 

day: NEED 3 ADDY. R U AROUND. xts back: COME y ugh to give the user what seems like 
Joe (not his real name) grabs a plastic m c ration; it banishes distractibility 

with а HIGH ABUSE POTENTIAL label on it and pours pi can turn tedious work into fascinating mate- 

bedspr 5 ecome a riveting page-tumēr. 


20-millig t is, the more effective Adder- 
each and can be crush Little details | have to gn over six times when 
popular with students > quicken its aight, c rall they stick in my brain right away." 
onset. Better yet, there are the O-milligr lerall craze on campus is getting out of 
extend. Adderall XRs 5 a рор control, A third of his f Two of his roommates 
and last up to 12 hours. A hini of also have pr эт a doctor father who knows full 
Study drugs, the version students take J to drive well hi а yet gives it to him anyway. 
themselves faster, longer and harder than the competition. lleges are о ays. "There's 


Atl 


was diagnosed as having ADHD by a psychiatrist er-increasit e eople to make money 


52 


and become successful because that is what's being promoted 
by their parents, by the university and by the culture at large. 
In that sense Adderall is the perfect drug for the times. | think 
it embodies and defines what this culture of medicating kids 
is all about.” He pauses. “It's the drug of conformity. Adderall 
is the drug your parents want you to take.” 


Drug use on college campuses in America has always served as a 
barometer of what's going on in the culture at large. In the 1960s 
drugs were about the counterculture and rebellion. In the 1970s 
and 1980s they were about partying, sex and excess. Students 
in the 1990s rediscovered drugs as a source of illumination, 
becoming foot soldiers in the rave and neo-hippie movements. 
In the new millennium, however, Adderall is threatening to sur- 
pass marijuana as the most common illicit substance on some 
campuses. Students use it not so much to get high as for a rather 
prosaic purpose: to get better grades. 

According to recent research done by 
the University of Michigan's Sean Esteban 
McCabe, up to 25 percent of students at 
high-powered universities have used prescrip- 
tion stimulants like Adderall, According to the 
numerous interviews | conducted with stu- 
dents, professors and scientists for this story, 
use of the drug shows no sign of declining. 

Adderall is a mixture of amphetamine 
and dextroamphetamine. It's speed. From 
the 1930s to the 1970s doctor-prescribed 
amphetamine was a socially acceptable main- 
stream medicine. Every segment of American 
society—students, housewives, soldiers, doc- 
tors, factory workers, politicians—consumed 
massive amounts of amphetamine to get 
ап extra boost for what had become known 
as the rat race. In the “Just Say No” era, 
doctor-prescribed amphetamine disappeared 
from college campuses, Two decades later it's 
back with a vengeance 

How ironic that methamphetamine contin- 
ues to be demonized by the media and law 


ADDERALL, A DRUG WITH 
A CHEMICAL COMPOUND 
SIMILAR TO CRYSTAL 
METH, WAS ORIGINALLY 
LAUNCHED AS A WEIGHT- 
LOSS PILL IN THE 1960S. 
TODAY SHIRE PHARMA- 
CEUTICALS MARKETS IT 
AS A DRUG FOR ADHD. 


produced it—in 1997 and then began promoting the drug as 
a treatment for attention-deficit disorder. 

It was a case of being in the right place at the right time. The 
number of kids prescribed drugs to treat ADD and ADHD in the 
late 1990s skyrocketed. Ritalin—which is methylphenidate, a 
nonamphetamine stimulant that acts in the brain like cocaine— 
was the most popular treatment for ADD. But after newspaper 
articles, and Scientologists, raised concerns about the safety 
of prescribing such a powerful drug to children, Adderall was 
aggressively marketed to physicians as a safe and longer-lasting 
alternative to Ritalin. By the end of 1999 Adderall had boosted 
Shire's revenue to more than $400 million a year. 

The moral debate over dosing children with powerful drugs 
continues to rage. “I don't think there's any question doc- 
tors overprescribe these drugs,” says William Frankenberger, 
a psychology professor at the University of Wisconsin at Eau 
Claire who has spent the past decade study- 
ing the effects of stimulant medications on 
academic performance. "There was a huge 
increase in the 1990s, thousands of percent, 
of children being diagnosed with ADHD and 
being treated with stimulant medication, 
Those children are now in college.” 

Adderall's popularity as a study aid really 
took off in 2001, when Shire introduced 
Adderall XR, the extended-release version 
of the drug. XR is a capsule containing two 
types of time-release beads, half of which 
dissolve immediately, the other half four 
hours later. Sales of Adderall XR grew on 
average 20 percent a year, and it quickly 
became the most widely prescribed ADHD 
drug in America, generating $1 billion of 
Shire's $2.4 billion in revenue last year. 

Although small doses used occasion- 
ally don't result in much of a hangover, 
slightly higher doses extended over time 
can result in a harsh comedown: sweaty 
palms, blotchy skin, heart palpitations, 
strawlike hair, insomnia and limp-dick 


enforcement as the most frightening sub- — THE COMPANY SOLD episodes. Cardiologists worry about the 
stance since crack cocaine, while amphet- effects daily doses may have on the heart, 
amine and dextroamphetamine—different MORE THAN $1 BILLION In February 2005 Canadian authorities 
versions of the same basic drug—have once temporarily banned XR after reports of 20 
again become an intrinsic part of campus life. WORTH OF ADDERALL deaths linked to the drug. In this country 


The major supply of speed on college cam- 
puses today comes not from scabby street 
chemists but from the freshly scrubbed men 
and women in white coats who belong to the medical establish- 
ment. Many parents who would be horrified if their children were. 
using crystal meth are happy to see them dosed up on what is 
essentially the same drug, as long as it comes from a pharmaceu- 
tical company and little Jimmy or Jenny gets good grades. 

Few who pop these pills have any idea of Adderall's strange 
history. The drug was invented as a diet pill called Obetrol in the 
1960s. It crept into the counterculture as well, including into Andy 
Warhol's crowd. (Warhol had just picked up a prescription for it the 
day Valerie Solanas shot him at his Union Square studio.) 

Obetrol's selling point was its smooth onset. It was said 
to be less harsh than the more popular weight-loss pills of 
the time—like Desoxyn (pure methamphetamine) and Dex- 
edrine (pure dextroamphetamine)—because of its mixture of 
amphetamine and dextroamphetamine salts. In the 19705 
the Food and Drug Administration cracked down an doctors 
who prescribed amphetamine pills for weight loss. Obetrol was 
withdrawn from the market. 

Enter Shire Pharmaceuticals, a British company at the time 
known less for inventing new medicines than for taking exist- 
ing ones and rebranding them. Shire bought the company 
that owned the rights to Obetrol—as well as the factory that 


OVER THE PAST YEAR. 


the FDA looked at the same data but con- 
cluded that the rate of fatal heart attacks 
among kids on Adderall was little different 
from the rate among those who didn’t take stimulant drugs, 
The feds allowed doctors to continue to prescribe it, 
“Because it comes from a doctor, students don't think it's that 
risky,” says Dr. Lawrence Diller, author of Running on Ritalin and 
a frequent critic of doctors who overprescribe stimulant drugs to 
kids. “For most of them who take it occasionally in small doses, 
it isn't. But a small group will overuse and get into trouble,” 
Beyond the question of physical effects, what does the current 
campus Adderall craze say about kids these days? About the mat- 
keting power of pharmaceutical companies reaping huge profits? 
And the medical community, which stands between the two? 


David (not his real name) is sitting in an exam hall, and he's 
losing his mind. He thinks he's having a panic attack. The 19- 
year-old economics major now realizes that washing down 75 
milligrams of Adderall with eight cans of Red Bull wasn't the 
best study plan he ever had. His hands shake, his mind races 
in a hundred different directions, and his heart feels as if it's 
about to burst out of his chest. He's pouring with sweat, and he 
can barely breathe. Holding up his hand, he leaves his seat and 
stumbles into the hallway, where after 10 minutes of drinking 
cup after cup of water and taking (continued on page 128) 


“You won't find this kind of reality on TV." 


Kristy Morgan 
takes a shot at stardom 


"People ask, Why did you wait until the last minute?" Kristy says of 
her controversial decision. 71 didn't get to know Tila until the end. 1 
kept losing challenges, and | had the fewest dates. The night before the 
finale | tried fo tell her | was unsure, but she picked me anyway." 


o ith atwist: Objecto 

d леа above) 1. When the dust settled, Kristy 

had outlasted 2: ants. Tila wa: 

telling Kristy she felt humiliated she w 
frontation ended with an exchar 

explains. Although the sl 


came to the reunion with axes to grind, and their con- 
g her story ext. “The realty oflove is thats confuso. Kristy 
ler the subject ofwi ations, she isn't eager. 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY GEN NISHINO 


person to say 
no. Honesty is the 
number one th 
in a relationship." 


» ~ 


и" 


"Ms 
G t takes a strong 


MZ 


AN 


College is a ti 


HOW TO 
STREAK 
WITHOUT 
GETTING 
CAUGHT 


me for learning, but the important stuff 
doesn't come from classes. Here's what four years of 
experiments and mistakes taught us about living well 


Rute one: Mobility is your friend. Ride a bike. Put a Ziploc bag over the seat, Rule tw 


No need to be a purist— wear shoes, Rule thr 


lan your route with two things in mind: 


maximum exposure and multiple exit strategies. Rule four: Take your time. After your 
initial naive restlessness settles down you'll find the breeze quite delightful. 


HOW TO Andrew Tveekrem, Dogfish 
MAKE Head's brewmaster, says if you 
want to make home brew that 
BEER њаз the pros, you should: (1) 
Buy local. "Local home-brew supply stores 
are great sources of advice." (2) Read a 
book, specifically The New Complete Joy of 
Homebrewing by Charlie Papazian. (3) Boil 
your water. “Most beginning brewers add 
cold water from the tap. Boiling drives off 
the chlorine and makes a big difference.” 
(4) Use fresh yeast. “Yeast provides most of 
your beer's flavors. Dried yeast doesn't cut 
it. Get fresh yeast from a home-brew shop 
or brewery.” (5) Practice. "Repeat the same 
recipe multiple times. You'll learn a lot.” 


HOW TQ To remember names, 
EMEMBER Melina Uncapher of the 
REMEMBER Stanford Memory Labo- 
HER NAME ratory advises you to as- 
sociate them with a multisensory mental 
picture. So if you're trying to remember 
Vanessa's name, imagine her at the wheel 
of an airbrushed "van" resplendent with 
unicorns playing guitars that shoot light- 
ning bolts that spell out "Vanessa" while 
her stereo blares "Van" Halen's 1984 
Tf you can't remember her name after 
cementing that image in your mind, you're 
just not trying. Don't be surprised if the 
next time you see a van, you're reminded 
that Vanessa hasn't called you back yet. 


HOW TO 
CHILL A 


You need a frosty one right now, but every- 
thing the store has is warm. Your fridge is 
useless for this one, Physics prof J.H. Page 
SIX-PACK of the University of Manitoba tells us to fill a 
QUICKLY bucket with ice and water, salt liberally, toss 
in your beers and stir. The salt speeds up melting and lets 
water stay Liquid below its freezing point. Of course, if you 
have any liquid nitrogen, that will do the trick too. Just don't 
accidentally freeze any of your body parts and then smash 
them into shards in а panic. Been there. Bad scene. 


So you've started dating not one but two hot, 
кедір smartwomen and are besotted with both. This 
is what we call a healthy learning experience. 
PARALLEL some tips: Most relationships end; the girts 
you're captivated by today may bore you tomorrow. So stop 
worrying about where things are going and enjoy the ride(s) 
Tf one starts to thrill while the other annoys, your life just gets 
simpler. Tired of them both? Suggest a three-way; you have 
nothing to lose, We asked our friend Alex, a world-class lady 
juggler, how he handles getting caught up with two girls at 
Once. "Easy" he said without a smile. "Start dating a third. 


We all want the Bimmer, 


but sometimes we need to 
be practical. As when drink- 
ing tequila with marines, the 
main trick is knowing your limits. 

1. STICK TO YOUR BUDGET. The car sales. 
man's job is to push you above it. Your job is 
to tell him no. He seems like a nice guy. But 
he also wants your money. 

2, DON'T FINANCE ON THE LOT. When he 
asks what monthly payment you can afford, 


it's code for "We would like to set up a loan 
your grandchildren will end up paying off." If 
you need to finance, head to your local bank 
or credit union and get preapproved. That will 
get you a better rate than any car dealer. 

3. DO THE RESEARCH. Hit the lots, take 
some notes, then browse eBay and Blue Book 
to see how much the same cars have been 
selling for in the rest of the country. 

4. DO MORE RESEARCH. Test-drive your top. 
two or three. Turn off the radio to listen to the 


engine and any wind noise that may indicate. 
shoddy repairs. Once you find a winner, sleep 
on it, then run the VIN through Carfax, which 
will list any accidents the car has been in. The 
few bucks you toss a mechanic to take a Look 
under the hood are more than worth it. 

5. BE PATIENT. Make an offer and stand firm, 
If the dealer won't budge, walk away. Taking a 
friend with you will help keep you sane, Buy- 
ing a used car smartly takes a while, Don't be 
rushed by anyone (including yourself). 


HOW TO TELL 
WHAT DRUG YOUR 
FRIEND IS ON 


Fighting 
isalosers 
game, but 
it's occa 

sionally unavoidable 

When it is, don't be afraid 

to fight dirty, You're a big 

man now, and big men get 
the job done. Go for the 
one-punch finish: the 
nose, the jaw or the nuts. 

Tf you don't think you can 

drop the guy in one punch, 

maybe reconsider fight. 
ing in the first place. 

Using a chair is a good 


Your friend says: 
1. Do you think | should 
punch that cop? 1 think 
1 should punch that сор. 
2. Are you going to 
eat the rest of those 
Fruity Pebbles? 
3. How did the Beatles 
get into my fingers? 
4. 1 Just feel like these ling 
Ideas are so good, why you 
ha ther people someone across 
thought of them? uad with a bar sto. 
It's ridiculous. Is every he gets a concussio 

3 you geta weapons charge. 
one stupid, or am The sharp, unexpe 
! just really smart? head butt to the bridge 
5. Spare some change? his nose is usually all you 
6. I just love that we're 


need. Under n 
all just so capable of love. 


stances should 
form that pansy-ass 


dance-and-bob as if you 
Bee E know what you're doing 

. Pot Hit him hard, lay the prick 
B. Heroin out, then get the hell out 
С. Ecstasy Dodge—no matter 
D. Acid how many triumphant 
E. Crystal meth slaps on the back you 
F. Cocaine 


23: 83-435- CEs VEST 


back with the cops. 


HOW ТО Cocktail master Date DeGroff, whose book The 
MAKE Essential Cocktail comes out this month, tells 
KILLER 58: tailor our party drinks to the time of year. 
For the fall, he recommends his harvest moon 
PUNCH punch. combine a gallon of apple cider, six cin- 
патоп sticks, six cloves, si star anises and an orange peel in 
a stainless-steel pot and let simmer for one hour (do not let it 
boil). Strain, add a quart of bourbon and serve warm. 


10 Fast times _profen. On waking up, the 
QUICK  "equre fast drill goes like this: Mainline 
ONES Комей зоте coffee, take a plunge 

Take these into ice-cold water, then 
and run with them down a bloody mary. 

O SPLIT ANYTHING. © GET HER NUMBER. 

King Solomon figured this If she's playing coy, start 

out 3,000 years ago. Have Бу asking for her e-mail 

one guy make the split; address instead. And if 
have the other guy pick you're interested, don't 
his portion. Works espe- Һет and haw. Ask for her 
cially well with babies. info, then beat feet. The 

@ BUY USED TEXT- longer you talk, the less 

BOOKS. The college interested she'll be. 

textbook game is rigged Ф PRE-TIP YOUR BAR- 

to support publishers and TENDER. A 510 invest- 
professors with inflated ment on your first drink 
egos, Plus, buying used will pay major dividends 


is good for the environ- over the next two hours 
ment, and the books come Ө MAKE THE PER- 

already highlighted. FECT MORNING-AFTER HOW TO 

Ө GET MORE GIRLS. BREAKFAST. The trick is, TALK TO 
Meeting women is like уои can serve just about THE COPS 
running from a bear: anything as long as you 

You don't have to beat make good coffee, Keep WHO BUST 
the bear, just the people it simple: eggs, toast YOUR PARTY 


you're with. Be the best- јат and a giant erection. 
put-together guy in your Speaking of which 
group and you'll be fine. — LEARN TO CRACK 
© GET TO THE BEER EGGS ONE-HANDED. It's 
WITHOUT AN OPENER. actually quite easy once 
Grip the neck of the bottle you practice a few times, 
with your hand. Wedge the and it makes you look like 
butt of a lighter between а complete griddle ninja. 
your top finger and the @ CAMPING WORKS 
cap and crank that lever. EVERY TIME. Show her 
@ DEFEAT A HANG-  youknow yourway around 
OVER. The night before, а tent and a camp stove 
chug as much water as you ап she'll melt. You may 
сап get into your stomach, поі get any onthe trip itself, 
along with a couple of — but your return to civilize 
aspirins or ibu- — tionwill be spectacular, 


/ HOW TO BUILD А 1-FINDA COUCH. Think thrift store, or maybe 
your neighbor's couch needs an upgrade. For 
MOTORIZED sofa beds, rip out their dead-weight guts. 
2. PICK A SET OF WHEELS. Do you build on 

a riding mower? (Don't forget to remove ће 
blades) Or do you remove the cockpit from a golf 
cart and start there? Factor in how long you'll 
want to sit on top of a two-stroke engine. 

3. BUILD A PLATFORM. Your couch needs 
a stable perch to attach to the wheels and 
engine below. This is not about finesse. 
The stronger your platform, the better. Build 

Bit from a light, sturdy metal like steel welded 
together as needed. Wood can also work 
and has the bonus of being able to bond to 
a wooden couch with hammer and nails. 
4. TEST-DRIVE OUTSIDE. Trust us. 

5. ADD CREATURE COMFORTS. Your 
absurd vehicle should at least be comfort- 
able. Think drinks cooler, think sound sys- 
tem. Think space for shapely passengers. 


HOW TO 
AVOID 
PREMATURE 
EJACULATION 


Rule one: Don't freak out. The Playboy Advisor tells us, "Tt happens to almost every man at some point. The big danger 
is getting upset. That can make you self-conscious next time and create the same problem again. Relax. You're still in 
bed with a naked woman; I'm sure you can find something to do. The best remedy is to remind yourself, as things heat 
up, to slow down and focus on giving her pleasure. If you go too soon, she probably won't care too much as long ав you 
get her off afterward. And doing that may get you ready to go for round two, now that the ‘easy опе is out of the way.” 


) If you have the money to spend, 
it's a moot issue: Get a Mac. 
Apple's laptops are powerful, 
offer good value for the money 

TOP and run the best desktop operat- 

ing system around (in a pinch they can even. 

run Windows). Factor in iTunes and Front Row 
and you can actually think about using one to 
replace your stereo and TV. But they start 
at more than $1,000, so if you'll pardon the 
expression, fuck "ет, The PC route is where 
you start to find bargains. With a little patience 
you can probably pick up a thoroughly modern 
laptop for Less than $400. These days all you 
need is a machine that can run a web browser 
and you've gotaccess to great free web-based 
applications like Google Docs and the image 
editors aviary.com and picnik.com. You can 
do full-featured online video editing at flektor 
‚com. Throw in enough RAM and even a five- 
year-old computer is up to the task. An entry- 
level Dell, HP, Sony or Asus will do you fine as 
long as you get at least two gigabytes of RAM 
and a decent hard drive, Check dealnews.com 
to see who's currently discounting. If you're 
really strapped for cash, consider one of the 
new netbook-class machines, tiny laptops that. 
are surprisingly capable for their price. The 

MSI Wind and Dell E can be had for as little as 

$300 and work well for writing, browsing the 

web, watching movies and listening to music. 

Bear in mind that some users find the smaller- 

than-typical keyboards difficult, so make sure 

you test-type before you buy. 


HOW ТО Ifthe stadium allows sealed 

GET bottles, youcan pull a Sleazy 

LIQUOR Jesus (a.k.a. Sleazus) and 

turn water into gin. Make а 

INTOA small clean hole near the 

FOOTBALL. ridge underneath an intact 
water bottle, then use a s 

GAME ter bottle, th y 


ringe to draw out the water 
ard replace it with Bombay Sapphire. Bear in 
mind that most security guards will miss а 
flask stashed in your crotch, but your friends. 
may be reluctant to join your revels. And never 
underestimate the power of a pretty lady. A 
small flask in a purse will either go unnoticed 
or be ignored ifthe charm factor is high enough. 
Of course, f your lady friend is up for it, the Wine- 
rack ($30, thebeerbelly.com) is hard to beat. It's 
a bra with built-in rubber flasks, and it holds а 
full fifth of Maker's, which can be dispensed via 
a handy hose. The only downside: Her rack de- 
creases in size as the game goes on. However, 
weve found if you drink enough, it ай evens out. 


HOW TO 
MAKE 
GOOD FOOD 


Barbara Kafka wrote the classic Microwave Gour- 
met back when the strange humming boxes were 
regarded with distrust. They've lost their stigma 
now, and you can get great food out of them with 
INA а minimum of effort. "Vegetables work wonderfully, 
MICROWAVE 25 does bacon cooked between stacks of paper 

towels,” says Kafka. She gave us some guidance 
as we planned this three-course meal. ARTICHOKES: Wash and trim 
the chokes, then cut off the bottom half inch of stalk and the top bit of 
cone. Fill a high-sided dish with half an inch of water, then place them 
stem down in the dish. Cover the container with plastic wrap and nuke for 


eight 12 minutes, depending on your microwave's power. Let stand for 
a minute or two before testing doneness, then serve with a dip of olive ой, 
lemon juice, salt and pepper. CHICKEN A LA GEIGER: Rinse raw chicken 
breasts in the sink, rub with ой ог butter and sprinkle with dried rosemary 
and a little salt and pepper. Place on a plate or shallow bowl and mioro- 
wave on high for two to three minutes, Let the chicken rest for one minute, 
then flip and nuke two to three more minutes. Let rest again, then cut to 
the center to make sure the juices run clear. Dig in. CHOCOLATE CAKE: 
Seriously. Whisk four tablespoons of sugar, four tablespoons of cake flour, 
two tablespoons of cocoa, one egg, three tablespoons of milk and three 
tablespoons of cil in а mug and nuke for around three minutes, 


ILLUSTRATIONS EY FRANK ST 


он 


TELLUS WHAT YOU LEARNED IN COLLEGE AT PLAYBOYU. COMAMISCON, 


BY ASHLEY 
JUDE COLLIE 


EVIN CONNOI 


Ly 


ENTOURAGE'S SAVVY WINGMAN LIVES THE ULTIMATE HOLLY WOOD LIFE 
WHO ELSE HANGS OUT WITH LEONARDO DICAPRIO AND TOBEY MAGUIRE, DATED NICKY HILTON 
AND DIRECTED ROBERT DOWNEY JR.? IT SOUNDS LIKE A CERTAIN TV SHOW, DOESN'T IT? 


QI 

PLAYBOY: The TV graveyard is full of can 
celed series about the inner workings of 
show business, yet Entourage thrives, The 
Washington Post called you and the other 
boys from Queens "deplorable, unpardon 
able, shameful-and why can't you and | 
be just like them?" What makes this show 
work when others have failed? 
CONNOLLY: It's the friendship thing 
between guys. People across the country 
may nat get Hollywood's inner workings 
but they do understand how guys relate to 
one another. Often some dude on the street 
will shout out that his buddies call him the 
Drama or E of their group. Entourage can be 
a guilty pleasure; it's easy to watch 


Q2 

PLAYBOY: If viewers like the characters, 
would they also like the guys who play 
them? How much is TV imitating life? 

CONNOLLY: There's a lot of ballbusting 
Fuhgedaboudit. We ай dish it out. In real life 
Jeremy Piven is that fast-talking guy-get 
into a verbal battle with him and you'll go 
down in flames, guaranteed. That whole 
life-imitating-art thing is trickest for Adrian 
Grenier. He's an actor playing an actor, so 
people often want him to be Vince, but he's 
not. He's Adrian. Kevin Dillon's a sick lunatic 


for golf, always talking smack and practicing 
his swings. Jerry Ferrara is the least like his 
character-he's a supersmart dude who is not 
a stoner slacker. Personally, | wouldn't stand 
for some of the abuse E, my character, takes 
from Ari, played by Jeremy. Were all slightly 
darker versions of our characters, 


95 

PLAYBOY: You're Уіпсе 5 wingman on the 
show, and you're really good at it. What 
about off camera? 

CONNOLLY: Adrian and | are good wingmen 
for each other. When we were shooting the 
Cannes episode, we wrapped work one day 
and just took off in our wardrobe. We knew 
we would be in shit if anything happened 
to the clothes, because we had to wear 
them for the next day's shoot. We took off 
anyway: It was Cannes, and guys got to do 
what guys got to do. We had to monitor 
each other's drinks and make sure na one 
spilled any red wine, or worse 


Q4 
PLAYBOY: What makes a good wingman? 
CONNOLLY: Every single guy needs an ace 
wingman. He's indispensable and indepen- 
dent, somebody you can trust to gowith to 
a bar or club. He's got ta be on equal ground 


with you in a social situation, carry his own 
weight, talk to girls and be able to look 
after himself. | also have myself covered 
with bicoastal wingmen. 


Q5 

PLAYBOY: If we're to believe TMZ, you're 
out on the town every night. What Is your 
typical evening like? 

CONNOLLY: Cocktails and dinner first, then l'm 
like everyone else: | go to clubs and chase girls, 
The best thing about LA. is they throw you out 
at two ам, so you can wake up the next day, 
feel like a human being and get to work with 
less damage. Back East, you're out having a 
good time, you blink, andit's four in the mom- 
ing. No good comes between two and four 


Q6 

PLAYBOY: For a long time you and Nicky 
Hilton were a couple. What happens when 
you see her now? 

CONNOLLY: Here's what | always respected 
about Nicky: Before Entourage | was living in 
a one-bedroom apartment-a broke kid from 
Long Island-and we got together when | 
had nothing to offer her. We're still friends 
and we still hang in the same circles, But the 
paparazzi aren't hanging our in front of my 
house anymore. When | was dating Nicky one 


65 


PLAYBOY 


56 


thing I said was, “Nothing's worse than 
being chased by paparazzi who aren't try- 
ing to take a picture of you.” 


97 

rraynox: Does a hit TV show make your 
dating life easier? 

CONNOLLY: It can be both easier and 
more complicated. I met an attorney, 
about my age, and I was thinking, 
Okay, this girl is hot, We were out for 
dinner, and almost the first words out 
of her mouth were “I haven't seen your 
show. I hope that’s not a problem.” 
‘Then over dinner she called me Eric 
three times. The first time I thought 1 
was hearing things. The second time 
she definitely called me Eric. The third 
time E had to set her straight: “Oh, by 
the way, my пате? Kevin." I showed 
her my license. "So you've never seen 
the show? I play a character named 
Eric on Entourage, which is an odd coin- 
cidence.” It was a weird way for her to 
start a date, It was a disaster. 


98 

rLAYBOY: You're using your Entourage 
cash to create the perfect bachelor 
pad. If MTV's Cribs dropped by, what 
would we see? 

CONNOLLY: My father would be turning 
over in his grave if he saw me obsessing 
over fabrics. But it’s my first place, and 
1 love being involved. First, I'm a big 
sports guy, so Гус got the big couch, and 
nothing makes me happier than to come 
home, plop myself down and watch the 
Yankees on the biggest HDTV I can get 
Then I have a nice little 
bar, classy, with high stools, so Гуе got 
the guy hangout done right 


99 

PLAYBOY: We're guessing your life has 
changed since your childhood on 
Long Island. 

CONNOLLY: I had a painfully normal 
life. My mother was a waitress, and my 
father was a truck driver. He was an 
iron man who never called in sick and 
gave me my work ethic. My brother, 
Tim, a local detective who has done tons 
of suspect interrogations, told me he 
learned you get more with honey than 
you do with vinegar. I try to apply that 
in Hollywood. Swearing and screaming 
may work for Ari Gold, but it doesn't 
always work for others. 


шо 

rLavnox: Rocky V your first movie, was 
nominated for a Razzie Award for worst 
picture in 1991. Do you have any regrets 
about appearing in a famous flop? 

CONNOLLY: When I was growing up, 
Rocky movies were it, and when I got 
that role it was the greatest day of my 
young life. I was doing scenes with 


Rocky, the ultimate working-class hero. 
y was a big star by then, our great 
action hero, and even though people 
may diss the movie, it left one special 
impression on me. Hey, we weren't 
running to art-house theaters to see 
indie movies out in Medford. You went 
to see Rocky, Rambo and Die Hard. 


qn 

PLAYBOY: You've directed a short film, 
Whatever We Do, that stars such heavy. 
weights as Robert Downey Jr. and Tim 
Roth. Was it scary to work with actors 
of that caliber: 

CONNOLLY: They made me want to quit 
acting. I'm serious. With Tim and Rob- 
ert I was rendered speechless by how 
talented they were. It just came out of 
them naturally. I went home depressed, 
thinking, Wow, maybe I should just 
throw in the towel. 


912 

PLAYBOY: You skipped college, moved to 
L.A. and lived with a bunch of under- 
employed actors. But not all of them 
were underemployed for long. 
CONNOLLY: We had our own frater- 
nity, doing our fair share of a whole 
lot of nothing, hanging in our actors’ 
flophouse in the Valley with the same 
actor guys 1 hang with now: Tobey 
Maguire, Leonardo DiCaprio, Lukas 
Haas and Ethan Suplee. We lived on 
cheap pizza and pasta—a house of out- 
of-work actors trying to take care of one 
another. Leo was the first in our group 
to pop—more like explode—with an 
Oscar nomination at 19. Just when I 
thought life couldn't get any weirder, 1 
walked into Tobey's trailer and he was 
wearing the Spidey suit 


05 

PLAYBOY: Was it discouraging when they 
made it and you didn't? 

CONNOLLY: Everybody here is chasing 
the same nickel. My carcer wasn't so 
fast-rising—I'm 34, and Гуе been act- 
ing for 28 years. The thing is, you get 
to a point where you don't know how to 
do anything else. But every time I was 
getting to the end of my rope, I got a 
little taste to keep me going. When the 
Entourage pilot happened, you would 
never have anticipated in a billion years 
it would become what it has. So it was 
like, Okay, cool, it keeps the ball rolling, 
and you make a little money to carry 
you ihrough till the next job. 


9% 
PLAYBOY: Rejection can't be fun. How 
did you deal with it? 
CONNOLLY: Rejection was my middle 
name for many years. It still is. Unless 
you're Brad Pitt or Matt Damon they 
always want somebody else. Even those 


guys will tell you they ve been through 
it. I's humbling. Some people get lucky. 
I know a million great actors—guys 
who are 10 times the actor I am—who 
just don’t get breaks. 


05 

mayo No опе on TV endures more short 
jokes than you. Just how tall are you? 

CONNOLLY; For the record, five-faot- 
seven. Piven isn’t much taller than Lam. 

Entourage’s creator, Doug Ellin, loves the 
banter between Ari and E, and he said, 
“I need to abuse your character.” So 
there have been get-me’s from Ari about 
E's height. Doug knows I don't care. Just 
take us to the promised land, dude. 


916 

maro»; The Ari Gold character has some 
great lines, like "Tell Drama he's on the 
top of my list of things to do today, along. 
with inserting needles in my cock,” Why 
do people love to hate Ari? 
CONNOLLY: He reflects our inner Ari 
People like to think they have that 
somewhere inside—a bite-your-head- 
off kind of thing they can release at 
any point, That's what I feel about the 
big producers like Ron Meyer, Jerry 
Bruckheimer and Brian Grazer, guys 
who can do a movie about whatever 
they want. Awesome. ГА love to release 
my inner bigeshot producer, wield that 
power one day, play with the cinematic 
big toys and blow something up. 


017 

PLAYBOY. Tell us the truth: How often do 
you guys clash on the sei 
CONNOLLY: We spend massive amounts 
of time together during the season, 
Sometimes it's 10 hours a day in a 
car—Adrian and Jerry in the front, 
Kevin and I in the backseat—staring at 
one another while being driven around 
LA. ona flathed. Like brothers, you 
sometimes get pissed. When someone's 
having a bad day, you just back the fuck 
off. But when the show's over, we all go 
do our thing. Kevin is married with a 
baby and has a house in Malibu. Jerry 
goes back to New York. 1 dream about 
chasing that hundred-million-dollar 
movie to direct. 


918 

LAYBOY: Nonactor A-list celebrities have 
been guests on the show. How well do 
they act? 

CONNOLLY: Kanye West is a massive 
personality, but there he was hanging 
out, soft-spoken, down-to-earth. I was 
impressed to see Kanye step out of his 
comfort zone, work on his lines and act. 
Its amazing to see big names—like James 
Cameron, who directed the biggest movie 
ever—come on because they re fans of 


(concluded on page 125) 


42 w о, 


3MUT2OI 


“So you say you can't decide between that costume and the gorilla suit, and you'd 
like my opinion? Hmmmm.. 


HOOT OLUT 
IN VEDAS 


AFTER STUDYING THE 
ART OF DICE 
CONTROL, WE HIT 
"ERAS WITH THE FIVE "m shooting craps in a suburban basement somewhere in 
5 “НОВБЕМЕН-- a Midwestern city that will remain иппатеа, as my hosts, 
I HORSEMEN Frank and the Dominator, have enemies. Or at least fans so 
THE GREATEST. crazy they may as well be enemies. 


The guys study my dice throw as if I'm cutting a diamond. 
OTERSIN «i wrong,” says the Dominator. "Your backswing is too long." 

Frank agrees. "You're throwing like a spastic. I know because 
‘we've taught spastics." 

“I'm here to learn dice control, the black art of manipulating the 
‘game of oraps. It involves physics and something called yaw and 
having guns stuck in your back by casino muscle, But mainly it's 
about doing what George Clooney did in Ocean's Eleven: beating the 
casinos, But more often, and legally. 

"To learn the technique, T've been throwing a pair of casino dice on 
craps table while my legendary teachers, Dominic “the Dominator" 
= LoRiggio and Frank Scoblete, critique my every move. I throw the red 
"plastic cubes again and again, every 15 seconds or so. I need the dice 
ta move in perfect backward spirals, locked in tight, identical axes, 
then to land softly. This is called controlled shooting. It decreases 
‘my chances of rolling a seven and losing my bet, and it increases my 

‘chances of winning obscene amounts of American currency. 
‚But mastering dice control, I'm learning, is like mastering the 
japanese gyroball. Tricky. If your mind isn't completely focused, 
or Ifyou move your right knee a quarter of an inch on your release, 
or if your index finger is misplaced by a fraction of that... My first 

` throw, in fact, sails completely over the table's back wall. 

“What the fuck was that?" says Dom. Dom is Sicilian. 

It's cool and dry in the basement, but I'm sweating slightly. I've 
got one month to learn the technique before I meet up in Vegas 
with the Five Horsemen, the best crapshooters in the world, for 
three days of high-stakes gambling. 


BY STEPHAN TALTY 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY JAMES IMBROGNO 


70 


We take a break. Frank, wholooks like an 
English professor with his silver beard and 
glasses, collapses on a couch, and | join 
him. Domis pacingin front of us, smacking 
a fist into an open palm. Frank has told me 
stories about Dom's temper—he's well- 
known in Vegas for kicking slot machines 
and getting in the face of pit bosses. There 
are certain casinos in Mississippi where he 
will be arrested for trespassing if he walks 
through the door, mainly because he has 
won too much money but also because 
of his attitude. Instead of avoiding these 
spots, he puts on a biker disguise and 
plays craps anyway. 

Dom stops in his tracks to lock eyes with 
me. In his monogrammed shirt and cream- 
colored leather jacket he looks like a middle- 
echelon gangster. "The casinos can't stop 
us," he says. “We're the Rolling Stones of 
gambling, We're not only going to win, we are 
going to kick their fucking faces in. Okay?” 

Yes, That is okay. 


The Dominator, a businessman who 
started out as a casual gambler, and 
Frank, a former owner of a theater touring 
company from Brooklyn who paid for his 
kid's college tuition at the blackjack tables, 
met in Las Vegas in 2000. Frank had 
already learned dice control from a man 
named the Captain, head of an Atlantic City 
crew that, legend has it, took the casinos 
for millions in the 1970s and 1980s after 
developing the technique. Dom and Frank 
hit it off and joined forces. 

They've had some rough moments. 
They're banned from many casinos. Dom 
has been stalked, Frank had a security 
guard stick a gun in his back at a downtown 
Las Vegas casino, and both were followed 
in Mississippi by casino operatives after 
slamming the house for tens of thousands. 
They could actually see the thugs taking 
down their license-plate numbers, which in 
Mississippi is not to be taken lightly. 

But together the pair have built a mini 
empire with their company, Golden Touch. 
They hold controlled-shooting classes in 
Mississippi, Atlantic City, Chicago and 
Vegas. CEOs of Fortune 500 companies 
have flown in on private jets for tutorials 
($8,000 for two days). Rock stars have 
studied under them. Frank has become 
the country's leading author on dice 
control and craps strategy. 

The system they teach involves two 
basic strategies: gripping and throwing the 
dice so as to hit or avoid certain numbers, 
and smart betting. As for the latter, they 
have thought through every mathematical 
contingency. The other part is physical 
throwing the dice. This is the Dominator’s 
forte. He sets the dic 


DICE CONTROL 


A CLIFFS NOTES VERSION OF THE 
GOLDEN TOUCH TECHNIQUE. 


STEP ONE: WHERE TO STAND 

The shorter the distance the dice have to travel, 
the less likely they will spin out of control. Throw 
from the stick one position, next tothe stickman. 


STEP TWO: THE HARDWAY SET 
Place the dice so they touch each other, with a 
опе and a six facing outward. The twos, threes, 
fours and fives will pair next to one another, 


STEP THREE: THE THREE- 

FINGERED GRIP 

Hold the dice in place with the middle finger 
and thumb where the dice touch, The ring and 
index fingers should sit lightly, acting “like 
wings of a plane to guide the dice down the 
table evenly,” as Golden Touch puts it. 


STEP FOUR: DELIVERY 

‘Square the dice with the table, aim and then 
gently bring your arm back. Move іп a pendu- 
lum swing and release so the dice travel upward 
ata 45-degree angle. Let the dice come out on. 
their own; there will be an easy backspin. They 
should fly together like mirror images. 


STEP FIVE: CONTROLLING 
THE BOUNCE 

‘You want as much surface area of the dice hit- 
ting the felt as possible, to dissipate energy. In 
опе bounce they should hit the back wall where 
it's straight, not curved, and then come to a 
standstill as softly as they can. 


threes on each die next to each other (see 
sidebar, above). His manicured fingers 
grip using the middle digit and thumb, 
with the index and ring fingers resting 
lightly on the dice (which will give them 
added stability in flight). He has a genetic 
advantage—his fingers are oddly squared 
off at the tops, allowing the dice to roll off 
them with baffling smoothness. 

Leaning over the rail, the Dominator 
picks a spot on the felt, fixes on it with 
his brown eyes and swings his arm gently 
back and then forward. The dice release 
from his hand and rotate backward in the 
air like two acrobats from a trapeze, locked 
in perfect sync. They spin through the air, 
mirror images of each other, smack the 
felt lightly, bounce off the back wall and 
stop. Dom can do this again and again. 
The man is a complete freak. 


Frank Scoblete and Dominic "the Dominator” 
'ad up the Five Horsemen. 


in, we 
es in. 


gambling. We're not only g 
ick their fuck 


Ifoneof the dice rolls exactly two positions 
away from the other when you throw, you'll 
end up with a four-three or a five-two, the 
dreaded seven that ends your turn. But by 
throwing the dice in a tight spiral and having 
them land softly, you can avoid the seven. 
You can gain an advantage over the casino 
and turn the odds in your favor. 


After our two-day session my mentors 
send me home with a practice setup: 
а sawed-off version of a craps table, 
with throwing and receiving stations. | 
put it in my attic, and every day | climb 
the stairs for four 15-minute sessions, 
leaving the world behind as | concentrate 
on shooting. | (continued on page 84) 


“I can't believe Гое been taking the stairs all this time!” 


т 


BR 


omething special is happen- 
ing in Florida: Flip through 
your PLAYBOY issues of the 
past few years and you'll 
notice a surprising number of 
Sunshine Staters appearing 
enterfold. The latest is Kelly 
is born in New York 
iple of years in Swe- 
ng down roots in the 
smal n of Stuart, Florida 
(Also known as—anyone? Anyone? 
The Sailfish Capital of the World.) 
Everyone there ionate about 


ing, water spor 
on sandbars and islan 
Every weekend | was 
boat, or in high school 14 go ‘out on 
my friends’ boats." On dry land the 
22-year-old studies public relations at 
the University of Florida and gives it up 
big-time for the Gators. "The best thing 
about my college is football season 
e says. "People get dolled up for the 
games and decked out in orange and 
blue. Everyone tailgates. It's the thing to 
do here.” Though she loves being in the 
stands on game day, Kelly isn't afraid to 
step into the arena: She's an ассот- 
plished athlete who played lacrosse 
and volleyball competitively. “In e 
grade | won a four-foot trophy as female 
athlete of the year,” she recalls. “It's my 
most prized posses: 

Kelly's latest mplishment is 
becoming Miss October, an honor she 
may never have earned if not for E!'s The 
Girls Next Door. “That show changed my 
whole perception of PLavBoY 

1 was conservative when it came to 


MAID 


Miss October scores with her winning spirit 


University of Florida student Kelly Carrington never misses a Gators game, but 
don't call her a tomboy. “I can hang out with guys and be that girl who can 
chill and watch sports with them, but Гат definitely a girile girl,” she says. “1 
love doing my па! and makeup, and my favorite color Is still pink.” 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY STEPHEN WAYDA 


у and how it related to who | was 
on. | felt the series portrayed 
пивот in a really girlie, fun, all-American 
way. | was watching the show with a 
male friend who said | was just as hot 
as the Playmates on it. He sent in some 
and pLaveoy called me 
When gotto the studio, 
0 اا‎ to meet the photogra- 
pher and see those life-size pictures of 
all the Centerfolds. | was pretty nervous, 
but everyone made me feel really com- 
fortable. The rest—meeting Hef and the 
Girls Next Door and staying at the Man- 
sion—has been just dreamy.” 

Currently taking a break from her 
studies, Miss October is living at the 
Playmate House in Holmby Hills and 
sampling the left-coast lifestyle—to 
an extent. “I'm not here to party,” she 
says. “I'm focusing on work and set- 
ting up meetings. I've always been 
interested in acting." Yet Kelly isn't 
dead set on Hollywood by any stretch. 
She has numerous creative impi 
to follow. “I like making clothes," she 
says. “I've made curtains, too. | go to 
thrift stores to find old shabby-chic 
furniture. | make homemade cards, 
and | paint. | especially love photogra- 
phy. That's something | would like to 
do more with. [Editor's note: Being a 
Playmate counts as “doing more with" 
photography, wethinks.] Basically, | 
should have gone to art school 

Just when we have Kelly pegged 
as the typical model-actre: 
photographer-fashionis 
she hints she could b 
domestic bliss in Stuart. 
ing housewife, 
never got to 


laughing. * 
ents together 
or in love, and being in love is some- 
thing | want more than anything. In 


high school | dated all different kinds 
of people: a redneck, an emo, a band 
guy. They were all little experiments 
because | don't have a type. | like 
a gentleman who has goals and is 
driven. family-oriented and romantic 

Until she finds the right guy, she's 
happy to chill with her girls. “We like 
going to jazz clubs or a martini bar,” 
she says. "But | also entertain at home. 
| love to hold wine tastings. I'll have five 
or six girlfriends over, and each of us 
will bring a different type of wine. | find 
it a lot more interesting than going to 
humping hip-hop club." 
Speaking of nightlife, as the October 
Playmate, Kelly will need a dynamite 
costume for the Mansion's Halloween 
party—and she's a bit stumped. "I was 
a bumblebee three years in a row, 
she recalls, “and then last year | was 
a ballerina princess—a ballerina with 
a tiara. | feel pressure to have a really 
good costume becau party is 
at the Playboy Mansion. | have a lot 
of brainstorming to do. 


QN 
— See more of Miss October at cyber.playboy.com. 
А” DAA 


PLAYBOY'S PLAYMATE OF THE MONTH жш 


œ 
шы 
са 
2 
o 
> 
сэ 
e 
= 


PLAYMATE DATA SHEET 


NAME: 


ви OTC _ ec Ира. mes 24000 
іш" 
наси: 9 D^ wom: 0108-0002 


BIRTH DATE lefa ]ge BIRTHPLACE = 


AMBITIONS „ЛЬ have a thriving Carter, travel the world. _ 
TURN-ONS: Fresh Flowers, chivalry, back rubs, rimance, Shjle 


MY FAVORITE SPORTS TEAM:. 14 


SOMEONE I LOOK UP TO AND wir: My grandmother for her — 
SUSHI I ALWAYS EAT: f Tempura roll with spicy tuna... 
MY PHILOSOPHY or LIFE: Үй Something yon dove т do 


EA ? 
0 nh Pi da. 
A CIR: 


all Halloween night ! 


WATCH MISS OCTOBER'S VIDEO DATA SHEET AT PLAYBOYCOW PLAYMATES. 


PLAYBOY’S PARTY JOKES 


Hearing suggestive noises coming from a 
freshman's dorm room, the resident advisor 
knocked on the door and asked the student if 
he was entertaining a lady 

“I don't know,” the kid replied. “Let me 
ask her.” 


What have you been doing?” a blonde 

asked an old high school boyfriend she met 

on the stree 
T've been away at college taking medi- 

he replied 

* she said with a look of concern. "Are 

you well now?" 


Two men went into a bar. After a few drinks 
one said to the other, “Since you went off 
to college I've been fucking your mother's 
brains out! 

The second one responded, 
had enough to drink, Dad. 


1 think you've 


А. old professor got up one morning feeling 
ike a 20-year-old student, but he couldn't find 
one on campus who was awake that early 


Some frat boys let three goats loose on the 
grounds of their college. Before they let the 
animals go they painted numbers on their 
sides: 1, Зава 4. 

The next morning the campus police were 
still searching for number three. 


A student who had recently been diagnosed 
ith multiple personality disorder went to the 
campus medical center. “Doc,” he said, "I think 
one of my personalities may be gay." 

“And this is causing you discomfort 
doctor asked. 

“Yeah,” the student replied. “It's kind of a 
pain in the ass.” 


the 


Whai did the blonde sorority girl say after 
aving multiple orgasms? 
“So do you all play for the same team?” 


A fraternity brother confronted a junior mem- 
ber, telling him, “A sorority girl is running around 
campus telling people you have a small dick.” 

Yeah?" the junior member replied. “Well, 
she has a big mouth.” 


A father was entertaining a boy his daughter 
had brought home from college. “I realize it’s 
only a formality,” the young man said, “but I 
want to ask for your daughter's hand 

“And where did you get the idea that this is 
just a formality?” the father asked. 

The boyfriend replied, “From our Lamaze 
instructor.” 


How is Madonna different from A-Rod? 
She had a couple of hits last October 


A blonde, bosomy cheerleader confessed to 
her priest that she often had sex with her boy- 
friend in the front seat of his car. 

“Now, my daughter,” consoled the priest, 
m sure if you think about it, you'll know 
you've been doing something wrong." 

“Yeah, 1 guess you are right,” replied the 
cheerleader, "Maybe it would be more comfort- 
able in the backseat.” 


White discussing the Kinsey Reports in a 
human-sexuality course, the class gasped as 
the instructor read that one woman had several 
hundred orgasms in a single sexual session. 
“Wow,” a male student said, “who was she?” 
A female student responded, “The hell with 
her. Who was he?" 


Two sweethearts wanted to fly United on the 
way back to campus after spring break, but the 
flight attendant wouldn't let them. 


А. Christmas break a freshman brought a 
semester's worth of dirty laundry home to 
wash. Soon after stepping into the laundry 
room, he shouted to his mom, "What setting 
do 1 usc on the washing machine?” 

“It depends,” she replied. “What does it say 
on your shirt? 

He yelled back, “University of Illinois." 


Send your jokes to Party Jokes Editor, PLAYBOY, 
730 Fifth Avenue, New York, New York 10019, or 


by e-mail through our website at jokes.playboy.com 
PLAYBOY will pay $100 to the trato tos 


submissions are selected. 


PLAYBOY 


84 


VEGAS 


(continued from page 70) 
My fingers feel huge and clumsy on the 
glassy dice. After three weeks Im able 
to get my grip without looking. It's like 
learning braille; the tips of your finge 
instead of your eyes, “see” the dice. 

The more I throw, the more I marvel 
at how good Dom and Frank аге. When 
1 shoot, the dice separate and bounce 
to the felt a foot apart. Or one shoots 
higher than the other. Or each rotates 
on a different axis, wobbling through 
the air like a wounded bird. It seems 
impossible to me that anyone can make 
these slippery pieces of molded plastic, 
weighing only four tenths of an ounce 
cach, move as one. 

Frank and Dom have come to know 
these cubes of cellulose acetate the same 
way Tiger Woods knows his irons. The; 
prefer new dice, whose sharp edges “bite” 
into the felt of the table and stick, as 
opposed to well-used dice, whose edges 
have become microscopically dulled from 
play. They know casino dice are machines 
designed to foil any attempts to win con- 
sistently: three quarters of an inch on 
each face, the cubes are handmade, each 
side perfectly identical to within 0.0005 of 
an inch, eliminating the chance that they 
will favor any one number, Even the dots 
(called pips) are drilled out of the dice 
and then filled with material that weighs 
exactly the same as the stuff that has been 
removed. The casinos have eliminated 
every possible advantage—unless you can 
control the flight of the dice. 

For centuries rollers have been trying 
to figure out how to turn the oddsin their 
favor. Players have engineered cubes with 
small centers made of special waxes with 
low melting points—the dice act nor- 
mally until a thrower holds them tightly 
in his hand, melting the wax, which flows 
toward one side of the dice, giving the 
shooter an edge. Past-posters, con men 
who place their bets alter the dice have 
stopped rolling, can still be found work- 
ing the casino floors in Vegas 

But dice control is по scam. It's a skill 
After a month of constant practice I can 
shoot only two or three tight shots in a 
row. Dom and Frank advise their students 
to practice for six months before hitting 
the tables. I begin to think this experi- 
ment is moving way too fast. 


‘The day arrives. I fly out to Vegas and 
meet the Five Horsemen at a high-end 
casino where they are all fully comped. 
Besides Dom and Frank, there's the Math- 
ematician, a shy, overweight guy in glasses 
with degrees in math and physics, who is 
the most aggressive bettor in the group, 
often putting thousands down on a single 
throw. The Mathematician once ran the. 
TT department of a major New York cor- 
poration, supervising 350 programmers 
and pulling in a substantial salary. He 
gave it up to concentrate on craps 


‘There is the Arm, a lanky Tennessean 
who has, I soon discover, the most beau- 
tiful throw of anyone Гуе ever seen. If 
you could engineer a human being to 
be a controlled shooter, you would de- 
sign the Arm. 

“The last member is the Dentist, who 
flew in from Texas. Craps for him is an 
escape from the hassles of dealing with 
his patients, such as the asshole who for- 
bids him from using his first name and 
demands to be called the Colonel. The 
Dentist lost at craps for years before find- 
ing dice control. “I used to be the worst 
player who ever walked up to a table, 
tells me. “And then I met these guys. 

We head for the $25-minimum tables. 
ге 12 to 16 positions at cach; I take 
i, right next to the stickman, who 
retrieves the dice with a curved wooden 
wand. The table is staffed by a stickman, 
two dealers (who handle the chips) and 
the box man, who directs the action 

We cash in, and I place my chips in the 
rack, with the dollar chips at both ends 
and the black $100 markers in the mid- 
dle. This is to protect against grifters who 
sidle up and try to steal chips from the 
end of your row. High-end games attract 
the most talented thieves in Vegas. 

Dom takes the dice. He looks good, 
the dice passing just below my chin in 
perfect unison, But after only six rolls he 
sevens out and the dice pass clockwise to 
the Mathematician, 

Controlled shooters measure a good 
turn at the dice by how long you last 
before throwing a seven, Single digits ar 
bad. A 15-hand roll is respectable. A 
is a moneymaker, and anything over 30 
is a killer roll. When you hit 50, you are 
shooting a monster, The Five Horsemen 
often bet as a team. The longer you roll, 
the more they will press, or increase their 
bets on you. Extended rolls are where the 
money is made. 

The Mathematician sevens out after 
а 12 roll, and the dice pass to me. The 
Horsemen clap and call my name. But it’s 
as if I've stepped into a soundproof booth; 
I'm concentrating so hard, it sounds as 
though the boys are yelling at me from 
50 feet away. The stickman brings five 
dice over to me. I choose two and turn 
them until the threes are facing up and 
the twos are facing me. That's my “set. 
take a deep breath, swing my hand back, 
let it come forward and release 

One die lands in the Dentist’s chip rack, 
and the other goes hurtling over the back. 
wall. Dom, his face stricken, turns to chase 
it. The stickman calls “No roll” and tries 
not to look at me. 

1 cannot believe what just happened. 
This is exactly what I'd feared. I'm 
pumped so full of adrenaline I can barely 
keep the dice on the table. But my next 
roll is decent; I begin to settle down. I 
manage eight before I'm out 

As the dice go around the table, the 
stickman calls out each number like 
a circus barker. A 12 is “midnight.” A 
two, three, 11 or 12 is a “horn,” and he 


се a horn, bet a horn." It's like 
is of'a secret society. Then there 
are the superstitions: A female "virgi 
(first-time roller) is lucky. Never bet on 
a roller who's wearing sunglasses. And. 
if the stickman pushes the dice to you 
with a seven showing, don't pick them 
up—he has just cursed you 

Next up is the Arm. He unfurls the 
dice slowly, the elbow opening and then 
the wrist rolling forward, His arm is so 
long it seems he covers a third of the 
table before the dice release from his 
fingertips and revolve backward as if 
glued together. 

It’s hypnotizing. He's Пам 
more of a natural than Dom, 

But everyone is ice-cold, and our first 
session isa bust. Im down a few hundred, 
and the Horsemen's lossesare in the thou- 
sands. Craps is a physical game—jet lag 
and nerves can affect your performance, 
so the first session of the week is often a 
bust. No one’s worried. 


, maybe 


We head to Frank's room, a $1,600 

night suite with three bathrooms, It has 

the most spectacular view of the Strip I've 
er seen. 

“This,” 1 say, "is America,” 

“This в America,” he says. "And you know 

what the beautiful part is? lts all free,” 

Irs free because the casino is betting 
well lose. 

Sipping chilled Belvedere, we talk 
about the game, “Most people create 
their own losses,” says the Mathematician 
"When you have the edge on the casinos, 
you have to bet into it. When I'm at the 
table, 1 don't look at it as money. T look at 
it as probabilitie 

The Mathematician and the Arm have 
run computer simulations mapping out 
the house odds of every possible situation 
with every kind of shooter, The Mathe 
matician carries these in his head. During 
the three days ГИ sometimes look over 
and point to a bet. He'll rattle olf a num- 
ber, say, 1.843. Those are the exact house 
odds for this particular situation. 

It's like gambling with Einstein 

The Arm then gives me a seminar on 
the physics of craps. The dice are sub- 
ject to the “six degrees of freedom": yaw, 
pitch and roll, as well as horizontal, verti- 
caland forward movement. I stare at him, 
my eyes glazing from the Belvedere. 

We pile into a limo and head to Fiamma 
at the MGM, where we proceed to carouse 
for a few hours and run up a four-figure 
bill, which is, of course, comped. Then it's 
back to the tables 

As we walk up, it's clear there's a show 
going on. Two hundred people are gath- 
cred around a $100 table, gawking at a 
Japanese guy who's shooting at the far 
end. I stare in disbelief at his rack: It's 
crammed with bright white $1,000 chips. 
He must have $250,000 in front of him. 

“Who is he?” Task a gawker. 

“Japanese rock star.” 

(continued on page 126) 


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efore the 2007 season had even started, Giants fans couldn't believe coach Tom Coughlin still had his job. The team un- 

derperformed. Brother Eli didn't have the Manning mojo. The best Giant running back of all time, Tiki Barber, had retired 

with a caveat: If Coughlin weren't the coach, Barber would come back for another season. A thick, stinking miasma hung 

over the Meadowlands when September rolled around. What did the Giants do? They opened the season 0-2. Their cam- 

paign teetered on the brink of disaster all year long. They took a 41-17 bludgeoning at home against Minnesota in week 12, with 
Manning hurling four interceptions. Oops. With two weeks left the Giants were clawing for a wild-card spot. 
We know how the story ends-with avictory in what many have called the greatest Super Bowl of all time. 

There are lessons to be learned here. First, never count a team out until the math insists on it. Second, nothing is more 

thrilling than watching an underdog come out of nowhere to battle Goliath with history on the line. If the Giants pulled 


PLAYBOY'S PICKS | 


EAST: - NEW ENGLAND EAST: -- DALLAS 
с NORTH: | CLEVELAND NORTH: --MINNESOTA 
SOUTH: > JACKSONVILLE iE SOUTH: © NEW ORLEANS 
15204281) WEST, SAN DIEGO. E WES SEATTLE | 
WILD CARDS: <-INDIANAPOLIS, PITTSBURGH WILD CARDS: ~ ARIZONA, NEW YORK 


/CHAMPION: NEW ENGLAND ы ? CHAMPION: DALLAS 
ER. 3 NEW.ENGLA 
Ri * Эр + 


ND OVER DALLAS. 


| 


off the big one last year, who's to say the Browns won't slip on Cinderella shoes this go-round? Or the Vikings? The Jets? 

We enlisted a few former stars turned analysts to pick this season's surprise team. NBC's Football Night in America host Tiki 
Barber: “The New Orleans Saints. The key will be their defense. It was awful last year. They have addressed many problems, and 
their offense is as good as any in the league. Tom Brady and Peyton Manning are in a class of their own, but Drew Brees leads 
the next batch of QBs who are just a step below.” ESPN's Sunday NFL Countdown analyst Keyshawn Johnson: “The Philadel- 
phia Eagles-if they have a healthy Donovan McNabb and a healthy Brian Westbrook.” ESPN analyst Cris Carter: “The Seattle 
Seahawks. They have a lethal combination-an experienced coach and quarterback, both more than capable." 

As for us, we think last year's embarrassment was too much for Bill Belichick to endure. Only one thing will erase that horrific 
memory from his genius football brain: a Super Bow! win. We're going with Brady and the Pats. Again. 


PLAYBOY'S 


The Cardinals fielded the youngest. NN 
ing lineup in the NFC in 2007 and came up just short of a wild- | 
card spot. A little seasoning should serve them well. Matt Leinart, 
Anquan Boldin and Larry Fitzgerald give Arizona one of the league's 
best passing attacks. 


BUFFALO Last season no team was bitten by the 


injury bug more than the Bills, yet Buffalo chased a playoff berth into 
December. The young team gets fiercer in 2008 with the addition of 
defenders Marcus Stroud, Kawika Mitchell and Leodis McKelvin. 


CUE The inability to stop the run cost the Browns 


a playoff spot despite a 10-6 record. So Cleveland acquired almost 
700 pounds of athleticism for the middle of its defensive line in Corey 
Williams and veteran Pro Bowler Shaun Rogers. 


ALLA) The cowboys tied a franchise 


record with 13 victories and set an NFL record with 13 q 
Pro Bowlers in 2007. First-round draft pick Felix Jones C 
gives the club breakaway speed in the backfield. 4 


Lu Offensive coordinator Mike 


Martz is gone. The Lions can become the team 
coach Rod Marinelli has wanted to build, one that 
relies on running the ball and defense. First-round а а 
pick Gosder Cherilus at OT is a monster. 


——— In WR Andre 
Johnson, DE Mario Williams and LB DeMeco 
Ryans, the Texans have some of the finest 
players in the NFL. We predict 2008 will 
be the club's first winning season. 


'he Jags need to dial up 
the pass rush to compete in a division with Peyton 
Manning and Vince Young. So they drafted elite 
pass rushers Derrick Harvey and Quentin Groves. 


ill Parcells has gut- 
ted the worst team in the NFL. He has also 
rebuilt the offensive line, drafting OT Jake Long 
(the number one pick overall) and signing free- 
agent guard Justin Smiley. You win up front. 


МІММЕЅОТА There's no dominant 


QB in the NFC North anymore. The Vikings see 
the door ajar. They traded for NFL sack leader 
Jared Allen and signed Chicago's lead receiver, 
Bernard Berrian, in free agency. 


EE) The pats won't go near 
16-0, but that doesn't mean there's a better team 
out there. The big guns are back in Tom Brady 
and Randy Moss, and new additions include badly 
needed youth at linebacker—first-round pick 
Jerod Mayo and third-round pick Shawn Crable. 


CES with Drew Brees, 
Deuce McAllister, Reggie Bush and newly 
acquired TE Jeremy Shockey, this offense will 
score points. The defense improves with first- 
round draft pick Sedrick Ellis at tackle and free 
agent Bobby McCray at end. 


NEW YORK JETS coach Mangini pulled 


in some major talent this off-season: blockers 
Alan Faneca and Damien Woody and linebacker 
Calvin Pace. Oh yeah, and Brett Favre. Jets 
fans, prepare for takeoff. 


тһе Raiders cashed in 
thelr fourth overall draft pick on Playboy All 
America RB Darren McFadden. He and QB 
JaMarcus Russell, the first overall pick in 2007, 
could form a lethal backfield combination. 


A rhe Eagles were one 


of four teams to rank in the NFL's top 10 in both 
offense and defense last season. The addition 
of Pro Bowl CB Asante Samuel shores up the 
major weakness: pass defense. 


have the NFL's best defense. They drafted 
help on offense in RB Rashard Mendenhall 
and WR Limas Sweed. 


т. 

took a with playoff 

victories at home (Tennessee) and 

on the a Rane ау Having 
1 


БЕВ ^ ү 


ATLANTA Mike Vick in 


the clink? We still can't believe it. Bos- 
ton College slinger Matt Ryan and new 
offensive coordinator Mike Mularkey 
have their work cut out for them. 


БАРИМРЕН Quarterback 


Steve McNair and Pro Bowl OT Jona- 
than Ogden have retired, and coach 
Brian Billick has been fired. 


CAROLINA QB Jake 


Delhomme is a year older (33) and 
coming off major arm surgery. Two 
veteran Pro Bowlers have left the 
defensive line. The Panthers cut their 
leading rusher, DeShaun Foster. 


ENGR Quarterback 
remains a huge question mark. The 
departure of wide receivers Bernard 
Berrian and Muhsin Muhammad curbs 
any optimism for a turnaround. 


Е СІМСІММАТІ ristround 


pick LB Keith Rivers is а huge upgrade 
for a defense desperate for talent. 
The Bengals lost their leading tackler, 
Landon Johnson, and weak-side pass 
rusher, Justin Smith. 


mi The Broncos 
allowed more than 400 points last 
year for the first time since their AFL 
days. Yet coach Mike Shanahan used 
the team's first three draft picks on 
offensive players. Is the Shanahan 
era in Denver nearing its end? 


GREEN BAYES with att the 


controversy (read: distraction) in the 
off-season, the Pack won't have its 
act together in time to compete. 


INDIANAPOLIS 72777777 
ning had minor knee surgery in July, 
and stars Marvin Harrison, Dwight 
Freeney and Tony Ugoh are all recov- 


ering from injuries. Don't get us wrong: 
Indy will still win at least 11 games. 


KANSAS CITY. as many as 


four draft picks could be opening-day 
starters in K.C.: DT Glenn Dorsey, OT 
Branden Albert, CB Brandon Flowers. 
and OT Barry Richardson. Count on 
this team to contend in 2011. 


NEW YORK GIANTS “ЕЕЕ was 


the key to the Giants' success last 
year. Four of those starters are gone. 


ELE atter finishing 
3-13 in 2007, the Rams drew a schedule 
that includes the NFL champion Giants 
and AFC champion Pats, plus playoff. 
teams Dallas, Seattle and Washington. 


The 48ers 
were hoping they'd snared the next 
Steve Young when they selected Alex 
Smith with the first overall pick of the 
2005 draft. Smith has instead turned. 
out to be the new Tim Couch. 


LL The Seahawks 


have won four consecutive division titles. 
because they Ve been uncontested inthe 
West. Here comes Arizona. Seattle will 
win the division again— barely. 


The attack 
will feature a 38-year-old quarterback 
(Jeff Garcia), a 36-year-old speed. 
receiver (Joey Galloway) and a 33- 
year-old running back (Warrick Dunn). 


waiting for Vince Young to blossom, 
and the division schedule is brutal. | 


tor Gregg Williams to steal a d 
berth in 2007. All are gone, and thi 
‘team has a rookie coach in Jim Zoi 


The addition of defensive star Jaso! 


№ 


Odds the Patriots will go undefeated this 
ording to BetUS: 15 to 1. They. 
have the weakest schedule, facing teams 
В an average 387 winning percentage 
last year, The Steelers have the tough. 
est schedule, facing opponents with an 
age 598 winning percentage. 
Bill Parcells and the Dolphins 
selected offensive tackle Jake Long 
with the first pick in the draft. Long 
signed a $57.75 million five-year 
contract, making the rookie the 
highest-paid offensive lineman in 
the history of the league. 


year, ac 


Commish Roger Goodell is on the Look: 


gang signs on the field this year, 


Only one coach will wear a slick 
Joseph Abboud Reebok suit this 
season: 49ers honcho Mike Nolan 
Our sources tell us Bill Belichick 
considered donning a suit, but the 
Patriots Pro Shop makes so much 
coin off his eponymous hoodie 
($74.95) that he decided to keep 
the street-vendor Look, 

The Cowboys signed bad boy Tank John: 
son last year, and this sea 

letting madman Adam "Pacman" Jones 
m. We bet these 
eat with TO. 


on they are 


о their locker ro 
Boys will get along 
The hottest 
cheerleader 
in the NFL, 
according to 
armchairgm 
„вот; 

(right), 
with Denver. 
She looks like a 
cross between 
Danica Patrick 
and Carmella 
DeCesare. 


m 


Peyton and company will open the 
season in this year's only new digs: 
Indy's $625 million Lucas Oil Sta 
dium, with 83,000 seats. Super Bowl 
XLVI will be played there In 2012 


Don't make any plans for Sunday, 
December 28. The last week of the 
season could decide three divisions: 
the AFC North (Pittsburgh hosts 
Cleveland), NFC West (Seattle at 
Arizona) and NFC East (Philadelphia 
hosts Dallas) —Rocky Rakovic 


e 
CLASSICS 
By 
АлАТ 
1150 


OF THE MACABRE HAS SHOWN THE 
LIGHTER SIDE OF THE DARK SIDE 


“Well—what’s for barbecue. 2" "Surprised?" 


DRESSING WELL IN A COLLEGE SETTING CAN BE AS 
HARDAS GETTING TO THAT EIGHT A.M. CLASS AFTER. 
А NIGHT OF “SOCIALIZING.” MAKE THINGS EASIER ОМ 
YOURSELF THIS SEMESTER BY LETTING THE PAST BE 


Hospital scrubs and that XL T-shirt you won on trivia night may work when you're watching Sunday afternoon football, but since 
you never know who's going to walk through your door, a wool sweater and slim trousers are a safer bet—and still comfortable. 


From left: Her jacket and skirt are MISS SIXTY. Her shirt is BEN SHERMAN. + His sweater ($350) and shirt ($195) are BEN- 
JAMIN BIXBY. His jeans ($88) are EXPRESS. His belt ($80) is LEATHER ISLAND BY BILL LAVIN. + His sweater ($161) and 
pants ($266) are RARE MAN. His shirt ($15) Is MERONA. His watch (5165) is TIMBERLAND. His lacrosse stick ($200) Is 
WARRIOR. + Her sweater-vest, shirt, pants and tle are BEN SHERMAN. > His jacket ($345) and pants ($165) are CPT BY 
COCKPIT USA. His shirt ($34) Is AMERICAN APPAREL. His belt ($20) Is MOSSIMO. 


Don't let appearances fool you. These seemingly simple pieces of sportswear have enough technology woven into them to 
rival Christian Bale's bat suit. Athletic powerhouses such as Nike and Under Armour are just a couple of the companies 
making your workout at the gym or on the intramural field a little more agreeable. The lightweight tech fabrics wick sweat 
away from the body to speed evaporation and cool you down. And if the game goes into double overtime and you need to 
stick around, you're a little bit fresher than your buddy in the plain cotton tee. 


From left: His shirt ($30) and shorts ($45) are UNDER ARMOUR. His lacrosse stick (570) is WARRIOR. > His Jacket (542) Is NIKE SPORTS- 
WEAR. His shirt (518) Is C9 BY CHAMPION. His shorts ($30) are UNDER ARMOUR. + Her shirt and shorts are AMERICAN APPAREL. 


Distinguish yourself from the other guys in the room: а blazer instead of a hoodie. A nice watch. You get the idea. 


Top left: His sweater (5298), shirt ($198) and pants ($228) are DDCLAB. His watch (5115) Is TIMBERLAND. The laptop ($1,250) 15 SONY 
VAIO. Top right: Her jacket Is EXPRESS. Her hat is BEN SHERMAN. + His Jacket ($495) and tle ($98) are CANTERBURY OF NEW ZEALAND. 
His shirt ($25) Is MERONA. Bottom, from left: His Jacket (5295), shirt ($149) and Jeans ($167) are 7 FOR ALL MANKIND. His tle (518) 
15 TARGET. His belt (560) 15 LEATHER ISLAND BY BILL LAVIN. > Her dress 15 MISS SIXTY. > His vest ($109) Is VINTAGE RED. His shirt 
($145) Is RARE MAN. His Jeans (S198) are 7 FOR ALL MANKIND. His scarf ($95) is CONVERSE BY JOHN VARVATOS. His watch (5115) 
15 TIMBERLAND. > His Jacket (5175), shirt ($68) and Jeans (S68) are MARC ECKO CUT & SEW. > Her dress Is CUSTO BARCELONA. 


Don't wait for your first big paycheck to start wearing high-end labels. John Varvatos recently teamed with Converse for a 
hip line at an attainable price. Another tip: Layering with a cardigan or jacket is an easy way to dress up a T-shirt or polo. 


Above left: His Jacket ($640), shirt ($70) and Jeans ($270) are DIESEL. э Her top is BEN SHERMAN. Her skirt is GUESS BY MAR- 
CIANO. Top right: His flannel shirt ($20) is MOSSIMO. His T-shirt ($19) is AMERICAN APPAREL. His pants ($155) are 7 FOR ALL 
MANKIND. His hat ($20) is TARGET. His watch ($115) 15 TIMBERLAND. > Her sweater Is MISS SIXTY. Her shirt is SISLEY. Her 
skirt ls GUESS BY MARCIANO. Her boots are UGG AUSTRALIA. Bottom right: Her cardigan is GUESS BY MARCIANO. > His car- 
digan ($165) and shirt (575) are CONVERSE BY JOHN VARVATOS. His belt (520) is MOSSIMO. 


ЭЭ FOR MORE BACKTO-CAMPUS F 


JOYCOMISTYLE “$ WHERE AND HOW ТО BUY ON PACE 3. 


immy steered the pickup left-handed, his right arm 

crossing his chest and the right hand dangling out 
| the window. "Did you kill him?" 

Anita lifted the bottle from her lap and made sure 
f it was perfectly empty. She wondered how Jimmy had 
hurt his hand. 

"Did you kill your old man?" Now his right hand hopped 
back and forth between the gearshift and the radio 
knobs. “It said so on this radio, right here. Henry 
Desilvera. Shot to death in his home." 

"God rest his soul." She closed her 'es and curled her 


"I don't know wh: 

“Why don't you say ‘Wow 

He found something and turned it up, a trio of women 
singin, 

Tubular and tasty 

Wanazee, Wanazee 

Tubular and tasty 

—and Jimmy said, "What?" and Anita said, “Wanazee,” 
because it sounded magical, and Jimmy spun the knob. 
“Goddamn hillbilly mugwump shit." 

Jimmy pulled the truck over and nearly ran down a 
fence post and braked hard and killed the engine. In the 
pasture before them stood horses switching their tails, 


ILLUSTRATION BY JEFFREY SMITH 


88 


SOMETHING MOVED IN HER BELLY LIKE A CHILD, AND THE CHILD WAS 
JIMMY. SHE COULD FEEL HIM DRAWING STRENGTH FROM HER BLOOD. 


lifting their heads up and 
down. "Let me see your gun." 

*I'm not showing anybody my 
gun." 

*I want to see if it's been 
fired." 

“How would you know if it's 
been fired?" 

"Let's have it." He took the 
revolver from her purse and 
shoved it under his seat. “Where 
are your shoes?” He gripped her 
knee with one hand and took the 
shotgun from under her feet 
with the other and dropped the 
weapon behind his seat back. 
“No more guns.” He reached to- 
ward the breast pocket of his 
too-large flannel shirt and 
came up empty and felt around 
the dash and got his cigarette 
pack, which was flat, He balled 
it up and threw it at the wind- 
shield in front of him and 
turned the key and floored the 
pedal, and this time he hit the 
fence post. 

Anita stayed quiet and let 
him think, 1f that’s what he 
was doing. He looked across 
the quiet farmland in front of 
them as if he might climb the 
fence and walk out into the 
fields and lose himself. 

“I don’t know what the setup 
is,” he said. “But I know you 
set me up.” 

He reversed and got on the 
road and floored it again. 

They sailed into Madrona, 
where the demands of sparse 
traffic seemed to help him 
focus. He shut up and drove 
halfway through town without 
a destination before pulling 
into the Arctic Burger’s park- 
ing lot. He turned off the en- 
gine and gazed at the polar 
bear holding up a gigantic bun 
at the curbside. 

Anita said, “I want my gun.” 

“No more guns.” 

*I'll need it when we talk 
to the judge.” 

“You set me up.” 

“I brought you in. You're just 
right. The judge has been in 
court. He’s seen bad people.” 

“I’m not а thug.” 

“You don’t know what you 


are. He'll know. And he’s a 
sick old man. He’s just a sack 
of cancer.” 

“Wow. You’re meaner than I 
thought. And deeper down.” 

“My people are of the earth. 
We know who the devils are. 
But we love the devil. We love 
the devil.” 

He stared hard at her. Some- 
thing moved in her belly like a 
child, and the child was Jimmy. 
She shut her ears to its crying, 
and she could feel him drawing 
strength from her blood. Jimmy 
dropped his gaze. He turned and 
put both hands on the wheel. He 
raised the left one to consult 
his smashed wristwatch. *How 
long till dark?" 

“I don't know." 

“We should go after dark. 
Does this judge have his own 
computer?" 

“Maybe. I guess so." 

"What about somebody taking 
care of him? Are there other 
people in the house?" 

*I don't know." 

“Then we'll scope the place 
right now. You know where he 
lives, right?" 


“Yes.” 
“Fine. I said we had ten 
percent of a plan. It’s more 


like two percent. I gotta get 
some smokes.” 

While Jimmy was gone she shut 
her eyes and dozed until he 
ruined the moment by jerking 
open his door, blowing tobacco 
smoke and saying, “Red alert. I 
just saw Juarez. Or his Caddy. 
Ог it was Gambol's Caddy. Those 
fuckers have identical cars." 
He slammed the door, it didn't 
catch, he slammed it again and 
got the truck going, looking 
everyshere at once like a jug- 
gler watching airborne objects. 
“Yeah, Gambol went and got his 
Caddy. Or it's Juarez. They're 
like high school chicks—twin 
Cadillacs." He drove fast, 
watching only the rearview mir- 
ror. “They weren’t following 
us. They don’t know this truck. 
Except Cambol saw it last night. 
But I mean—a million pickups. 
Unless Sally told them. Fuck- 


ing Sally. Fuck. We get this 
done and get the fuck out. Get 
the fuck out and....” Anita sat 
with her eyes closed, hunming 
“Wanazee, wanazee” and feeling 
the sensations of a cliff diver 
in a night sky while Jimmy tore 
through the streets and never 
stopped his mouth. 


Gambol sat at the table in the 
breakfast nook, close to the 
window. Half an hour ago he'd 
claimed he wasn't hungry, but 
now that his breakfast was 
cold, he wanted it. 

Mary put both their plates in 
the microwave and said, "Zapped 
steaks and eggs—not real good." 
She held up the Mumm's and 
tapped it with a fingernail. 
“What about this champagne?” 

“None for me.” 

They heard a car outside, 
and Gambol watched through 
the window a moment and looked 
away again. 

“How long till he comes?” 

“Once you’re on the Five,” 
Gambol said, “it’s a straight 
shot up.” 

“Is the Tall Man really with 
him?" 

“I said he was." 

“How did that guy get a face 
like that?" 

“Nobody knows," Gambol said. 
“It’s his whole head, really." 
Mary shuddered, and he added, 
"He's not so bad.” 

Mary said, *Look good, okay? 
Walk tall. I want Juarez to 
pay me off for resurrecting 
your leg. Twenty grand. This 
time 1711 get to Montana.” 

“This time?” 

“I’ve done stuff for him 
before. He helped me with my 
last big move.” 

“From where?” 

“From here.” 

"You're still here." 

“I didn't think big enough. 
I made some money but only 
enough for a car." 

"What did you do for him?" 

“Sold him a gross of 
Dilaudid." 

*I remember. That was you?" 

(continued on page 110) 


“Okay, Dr. Frankenstein, bring on your monster..." 


тА. 


18 


Meet the heartthrobs of the heartland 


ig East, Big 8, Big Sky—yes, you're big, but let's face it: Nothing says big like 
the Big 10. The Big 10 is so big it has 11 football teams, a feat of engineer- 
ing that requires balls as big as Red Grange's shoulders (or brains as small as 
Nigel Tufnel’s). Of course the girls of the Big 10 warrant an 11 themselves, 
based on their big hearts, big dreams and manifestly big sex appeal. Until recently it 
was said the secret of the Big 10 girls’ beauty was that they were corn-fed, but with so 
much corn ig into ethanol, that can no longer be the case, Perhaps they've been 
mot ied by the Beach Boys, who sang, “Midwest farmers’ daughters really make 
you feel all right.” All right? Talk about damning with faint praise, Check out these 
heir aim is to reinvent math, they sure have the figures to prove it 


From far left: Kelly is strictly business—in her major and in finding a guy who 
knows what he wants. Lauren, on the other hand, isn’t looking to be tied down 
(by a relationship, that is). For the time being she’s focused on playing the field 
Adelaide grew up on a 160-acre horse farm; if you want to get this sporty girl's 
attention, you'd better bring your A game. Above: Mallory is a small-town girl 
with a big family and a big heart. “I've always been very grounded,” she says. 
* know you need to work hard to get what you want.” 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY GEORGE GEORGIOU, MIZUNO AND DAVID RAMS 


101 


This page, clockwise from left: Globe-trotter Maxine, who has visited 
Europe and Asia, considers herself a humanitarian. Clearly, she's 
a benefit to all mankind. Be careful where you leave fingerprints. 
around Kelsey; she hopes to become a private investigator. Gopher 
group shot: Chelsie is a kinesiology major. We'd love to study the 
way her body moves. Abby is an actuarial-science major but dreams 
of becoming an NFL placekicker. Austin had planned to study den- 
tistry until she realized it involves chemistry, but she still brushes after 
every meal, Lisa prefers bartending to office work—more opportuni- 
ties to stir things up. Opposite page, clockwise from top left: Fitness 
buff Marie would love to get into real estate one day. Mariela aspires 
1o be a television anchor—and why not? The camera loves her, Leave 
your day planner at home when you see Michelle: She's into spon- 
taneity and living without regrets. For Vanessa, an annual trip to the 
Indy 500 with her dad and his old frat brothers is a sacred tradition, 
Kickboxer Nina isnt shy about her skills: “I would definitely beat any 
guy in the ring!” she says. German-born Sophia is a self-proclaimed 
goofball who shamelessly sings karaoke with strangers. 


X 
Maxine Christine—NORTHWESTERN 


Mariela Henderson, Michelle Reid and 
Vanessa Carrera—PURDUE 


Nina Reyes—ILLINOIS 


104 


7€ 


a 


Lindsey Elizabeth —IOWA 


Clockwise from above: Lindsey loves biker bars 
and calls herself a metalhead, but scoring a date 
with her may be tough: You'll have to play nice with 
her dad, a former NFL lineman. As a spokesmodel 
for Car Craft magazine and the Bikini Ice Fishing 
Team, Missy is always flashing her headlights. So 
far skydiving enthusiast Andrea has jumped only 
solo, but she'd be willing to go tandem with the 
right guy. Ifthe way to a man's heart is through his 
stomach, hire Lynn to be your guide—she plans to 
open a five-star bakery. Ryan got it from her mama: 
The horseshoe tattoo on her lower back was inked 
by her mother, No playbook necessary for Taylor. 
the football savant can school you on everything 
from formations to tailgating techniques. Renée 
loves anything with an engine (well, maybe not 
lawn mowers). She lives for working on her car 
and riding motorcycles. Bobbie is accustomed 
to the limelight; the competitive cheerleader has 
been featured on ESPN. Victoria devotes much 


energy to philanthropic projects but still finds time "9999 


to indulge her rebellious side. 


Lynn Wisper and Ryan Lovette 


MICHIGAN STATE 


Renée Alison and Bobbie Korina—MICHIGAN 


Brianna Leigh, Nicole Marie, Crystal Elise, Kimberlee Ann 


and Shannon Elizabeth —PENN STATE 


[rer ИМ 


WAS 


Clockwise from far left: Tour guide Brianna will 
have you hitting all the right spots (on campus, 
that is). Nicole hates exercising but loves sports. 
Sex is more sport than exercise, no? A native of 
Puerto Rico, Crystal has been surfing since child- 
hood; she'll gladly give you lessons in any of the 
five languages in which she's fluent. So in love 
with nightlife is Kimberlee that she intends to 
become a Las Vegas event planner. Humor is the 
way to Shannon's heart—and as you know, if you 
can get a girl to laugh, you can get her to, well 
do stuff that's even more fun. Sisters Hayley and 
Kelly like to go against the grain: Kelly's career 
path includes nude tourism, while Hayley aspires 
to be a sex therapist. Oh, the places they'll go! A 
owgirl at heart, Shavon drives tractors and bales 
hay. Farm living is clearly not without its appeal. 


Clockwise from right: Monica pokes fun at 
the one large dimple on her cheek: "It's a 
running joke with my friends, but | like it and 
think it sets me apart." Perhaps, but it wasn't 
the first thing that caught our eye. After Ann 
completes her degree sh ork in 


Chicago (hey, we k e folks in pub- EE 


might need some help) 
o, Elle has been 
featured in C. $ on Campus but now 
finally reveals what's under that bikini. Open 
the door, pull out the chair, buy her a beer 
and say please and thank you: Alyse loves 
a man with manners. Engineering major and 
Tae Bo devotee Nicole kicks ass in both the 
vorite meal 
is breakfast in bed, but you don't have to be 
a Top Chef to satisfy her tastes: She's happy 
with Би st, A native of Ukraine, Ju 
anna i: ian major who loves exoti 
dancing. "I feel sexiest when I'm naked, of 
course," she says. Of course. What's sur- 
prising is that eating borscht while reading. 
Turgenev finished second. 


Monica Walker, Ann Morgan, Elle Stamos, Alyse Sutton 
and Nicole Kennedy—MICHIGAN STATE 


Katie Marie—WISCONSIN 


This page, clockwise from to 


left: After nine years at an all- 
girls school Chloe is loving life 
as a wet and wild coed. Kimberly 
feels sexiest in a sports bra after 
she's hit the gym. After working 
up an appetite, this amateur chef 
whips up her speciality, chicken 
marsala, Kellie's birthday is a 
global holiday: She was born on 
New Year's Day. Sorority girl Cait- 
lin loves Ben & Jerry's Oatmeal 
Cookie Chunk. Sweet! Opposite 
page, clockwise from bottom left 
Julia has modeling in her DNA: 
Her grandmother was the Miller 
High Life cowgirl and encouraged 
Julia to pose for pLavaoy “and f 
low in Grandma's footsteps 
Journalism major Maria is a ski- 
ing enthusiast. Surely there's no 
cuter snow bunny on the slopes. 
Nikki is a saxophonist who wears 
stilettos while riding her Suzuki 
GSX-R1000. Does this make her a 
saxocyclist? Jamie is a marketing 
major and a devoted Ohio State 

j football fan; don't diss Woody 
Hayes or she'll punch you. 


Maria Vargas 
NORTHWESTERN 


Julia Francis—ILLINOIS 


PLAYBOY 


110 


NOBODY MOVE 


(continued from page 98) 

“I mean a solid gross. I snatched it 
three days before my discharge. He 
made а bundle, huh?” 

“Yeah.” 

*1 didn't I made a bunch but less than a 
bundle, Was it over a hundred thousand?” 
“1 don't count his winnings.” 

le paid me fifteen. 

You could've gotten more.” 
"From who? You think I know a lot 
of crooks?” 

Gambol put his fingers on the window: 
sill. Another car out in the street, Mary 
said, “Is Juarez big in the drug track 

No." 

“But not entirely no. Sometimes уе 

“No, he's just—if there's à nickel to be 
made, he's usually the one who makes it 
He's quick like that." 

The microwave rang. No reaction from 
Gambol. By the way he fixed his attention. 
out the window, Mary figured she'd bet- 
ter go get a longer robe on. 

When she came out of the bedroom, 
Gambol was eating, and Juarez sat across 
the table. “This is torture,” Juarez said. He 
looked plumper these days and pouchy 
around the eyes, and he seemed excited, 
sitting with his ankle on his knee, leaning 
forward, patting his fingers on the toe of 
his boot. He still wore those little ankle- 
high fruit boots and also, this morning, 
box-cut silk shirt like spun platinum with 
faint designs along the buttons. “I haven't 
had one bite since yesterday.” The hem of 
his shirt had slipped upward over the butt 
of a small automatic in a clip-on holster. 

Mary popped the champagne and 
said, “In honor of—fuck, you name it," 
and the cork shot out of the kitchen and 
landed God knows where. 

She didn't go after it, because the 
"Tall Man lay on the living room couch 
with his shoes on the fabric and his hat 
over his face. 

“I'm not celebrating yet. I'm hungry" 
Juarez pointed to the steak on the plate 
before him. "What about this one?" 

Gambol said, “That’s hers." 

"Then after you eat," Juarez said, 
“you can watch me. We'll drive around. 
Well find some breakfast. ly we'll 
drive around because I think we saw our 
friend—Mr. Jimmy. Ten minutes ago. 

Gambol säid, "Y 

'A blue pickup? Ford? Real beater? But 
we couldn't see the license.” 

“The license 

"Our other friend, he got in touch and. 
gave me some numbers. Missy Sally." 
ambol said, "Oh." 

Yeah, Sally's still dirtying up our 
planet. So, you know, that other party you 
mentioned, the unknown person that you 
ran into—ir's a collateral thing. Bad luck 
came in on a wind 

Gambol finished his steak and sopped 
the eggs with his toast while Juarez 
observed and Mary drank Mumm’s from 
the bottle. Gambol pointed with his fork 


“Your steak’s getting cold.” 

“Go ahead,” Mary told him. 

Gambol exchanged his plate with hers, 
and Juarez sighed and said, “Mr. Gam- 
bol is a talented person. Im glad we're 
associated. Proud.” He turned his chair a 
bit and looked Mary up and down. “The 
Army didn’t turn you into a dyke.” 

“Don't ask, don't tell.” She took a slug 
of champagne. 

“You put on a little weight?” 

‘The bubbles jammed her sinuses, and 
she choked and whispered, “Don't ask, 
don't tell.” 

“You look good.” Juarez got up and 
went to the living room and spoke to the 
“Tall Man and came back holding а bulg- 
ing letter-size envelope. “Gambol also 
looks good. You fixed him, Look at that 
appetite.” Even in his boots, Juarez was a 
bit shorter than Mary in heels. He bowed 
slightly, envelope extended. 

She pried open the fold and thumbed 
through the packets. Ten of them, each 
wrapper marked $2,000. "Paid in full." 

Juarez took her hand, bur he didn't 
shake it. He just held и. То Gambol he 
said, "Don't say thanks.” 

“I didn't" 

1 know. All right, Mary. We're done 
here. T-Man and I need a good break- 
fast. Can you recommend a place where 
we could also talk business?” 

The Tall Man came into the kitchen 
now. He stood under the ceiling light 
with his hat tipped forward and his face 
in a shadow and a hooked pinkie travel- 
ing toward one of his nostrils, if he had 
nostrils. 

Juarez said, "Mary? 

She turned and stood looking down 
imo the sink. 

“Where do we go for breakfast?” 

“The mall. Downtown. Across from 
the mall." 

“Is there really a downtown?” 

Jesus Christ, she wanted to shout, get 
him out of my house, 


. 


Loose items scraped across the floorboard 
as Luntz took the first possible turn off the 
highway at the greatest possible speed. Не 
tried to speak in a conversational tone. 
“Are they turning aroun: 
Anita righted herself and looked 
behind. *No. I mean yes. Now they are." 

“It's them. They know the truck.” 

Anita grabbed his arm for stability as 
he took the next road coming. “I don't 
sce them now." 

“That Caddy will cat this thing.” They 
passed between open pastures, completely 
exposed. “Watch behind. Hang on.” 

“Not this one.” With her left hand she 
stopped the wheel. “Go two more.” 

He checked his mirror. “There they 
are. It doesn't matter where we turn.” 

“Next one. Next one. This one.” 

Stay off my gearshift.” 

The pastureland ended. They sped 
through a tract of homes. He zigzagged 
among the blocks, feeling safer with 


walls around him. He didn’t see the 
Caddy. But it had to be near. 

“Со faster." 

Luntz went slower. “We have to ditch 
this truck.” He watched for any kind of 
alley, an open garage door, any semi- 
enclosed space. 

Anita leaned hard against him and 
grabbed and forced the wheel, saying, 
eft, left, left,” and would have steered 
them onto somebody's porch if he hadn't 
braked hard and cut the corner across a 
lawn and onto a perpendicular street. 

“Jesus, Where are they? 

“No. No. Sec the house up there? We 
can go in.” 

“Here 

“That one, that one.” She was dig- 
ging for something in her purse, “Not 
the driveway. Don't block the car, Park 
beside the house.” She was opening 
her door as he floored it and whipped 
around a large sedan in the driveway 
and fishtailed around the side of the 
house and scraped against the neighbor- 
ing fence and stopped, trapping his own 
door shut. He took hold of the shotgun 
and scrambled to follow her out the pas- 
senger door, hesitated two seconds and 
lay across the seat and felt for Anita's 
revolver on the floorboard. 

She was already at the front door, He 
followed, concealing, he hoped, the shot- 
gun between his arm and his ribs, its muz- 
zle in his hand and the pistol grip in his 
armpit, meanwhile sticking the revolver 
in his waist and untucking his shirt to 
cover it. He joined her on the porch. 

She held a set of keys. She was read- 
ing a red notice fixed to the door, its 
message printed in black capital letters 
Across the door a stretch of yellow flag- 
ging—CRIME SCENE DO NOT CROSS CRIME 
SCENE DO NOT CROSS. 

She tore away the yellow flagging, and 
Luntz said, “Hey.” 

She unlocked the door and threw it 
wide and strode inside. 

Luntz took two steps into the interior 
and was stopped by the silence it held—a 
sunken living room with a thick cream 
carpet and а wooden bar, a hallway 
beyond it prohibited by the same yellow 
flagging, and something in the hallway, 
maybe а lamp or a sculpture, shrouded 
with a black plastic bag. 

He heard Anita in the kitchen, bang- 
ing cabinets open and closed and saying, 
“Fucker. Fucker. Fucker. 

He stepped down into the living 
room and crossed the carpet and broke 
the yellow banner and traveled the hall- 
way to the open door at its end. A king- 
size bed, mussed bedclothes, a wine-red 
hardwood floor, not much blood on 
it—maybe half a cup of coagulated jelly 
around the left armpit of a white outline 
with up-flung arms and very short legs. 
For some seconds Luntz couldn't take 
his eyes from it. The chalk person had 
no legs below the knees. 

Outside the bedroom lay a garden. Large 
leaves and large dark blossoms nodded at 


PLAYBOY 


112 


the window. Luntz wiped at his mouth with 
a fist and felt his lips moving. He edged side- 
ways out the door, and halfway down the hall 
he turned and hurried to the kitchen 

Anita stood at the counter, unscrewing the 
lid of a cookie jar. "Come on.” Car keys 

“Get me ош of here,” he said. She turned 
the dead bolt, and he followed her out the 
kitchen door, saying, “This is destroying my 
nerves.” She led him into the garden and 
around the side and then to the sedan out 
front, *I gotta say, you have a calm disposi- 
tion.” They got in the car, and she was out of 
there fast but quiet, not quite peeling rubber 
“Yeah, A calm exterior” They were topping. 
оп a suburban street. “You're efficient. That's 
what it is” He swiped his forearm across his 
sweaty face. Under his shirt the perspiration 
poured over his ribs. “Holy Toledo!” he said. 
“Don't you ever get nervous?” 


Jimmy laid the shotgun between them on 
‘he seat, Anita covered it with her pu 
as much of it as she could, and lowered the 
windows for air while Jimmy lit up and blew 
his smoke all over the place. “Damn,” Jimmy 
said, "this is a Jaguar. This is yours?” 

"Nothing's mine.” 

“This is real wood, isn't it?” He 
touching things 

Suddenly they were downtown, and she 
felt stupid. “I went the wrong way. Every- 
body in town knows this Jag." 

“pind a parking ramp.” 

1's a hundred miles to a parking ramp." 

The Madrona Mall consisted of the Rex 
Theater and the Osco Drug and half a 
dozen other storefronts, a couple of them 
empty, their plate glass faced with plywood 
She drove behind the Rex and stopped in 


was 


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the alley behind an orange backhoe and a 
pile of asphalt rubble. 

Jimmy said, "Now what? How long till 
irs dark? 

"Quit asking. I'm not the sun.” 

He lifted his shirtail. "This weapon has 
to go." 

“It's mine. 

“It's trash. There's a body on it. All it is 
now,” he said, “is evidence.” He shoved her 
revolver under his seat 

She leaned across him and felt for it, but 
he kicked it back further out of reach. 

“I want my gun.” 

Jimmy sat up and got quite still and 
said, “When you jerked the trigger, he fell 
straight back. He was on his knees. 

The ashtray stank. She closed it 

“Yeah,” he said, “Hank was on his knees.” 
He settled back and shut his eyes. 

She turned off the ignition and let her 
thoughts go away. Her head jerked up— 
she'd nodded off. Jimmy sat with his head 
back, his eyelids down, breathing loudly 
through his open mouth. 

She felt the child moving inside her 
again, the child who was Jimmy. She shut 
it away, but its cries broke through. 

“Jimmy. Jimmy.” 

“What 

“We're two blocks from the cop shop. 
Less than two." 

He rubbed his eyes and his face with both 
hands and lit a cigarette. "Two what? 

“Blocks. The police station. If you keep 
heading down the street we were on— 
there's a white globe out front.” 

“Well, Anita... Га sure this is all true 

“What have you done that’s so b. 
They'll protect you." 

"Who—the cops? 


“They'll keep you alive, at least.” 

"The cops? You want me to shit on this 
whole thing and go to the cops?" 

“Are they any more horrible than these 
other people: 

“Jesus Christ—the cops? Yes. There's no 
comparison.” 

He smoked, looking at his cigarette 

She closed her eyes and slept. 


ambol's thinking, the neighborhood 
scemed exactly like the one 

а suburban tract sta 
ilderness. He swept his gaze into 
wide plate-glass windows as Juarez took the 
Cadillac slowly along, 

Plenty of pickup trucks, some of them 
blue, none of them Fords. 

The Tall Man had the rear seat to him- 
self. He shifted himself to its middle, and 
Juarez reached up and adjusted the mirror 
to eliminate him from the view. 

Gambol heard the Tall Man’s throat work. 
Maybe he was drinking a drink, His hand 
appeared on the back of Juarez's seat. You 
found yourself looking mostly at his hands 

The Tall Man said, “Up ahead.” 

“Oh my, too bad." Juarez took a left, fol- 
lowing the general direction of two parallel 
gouges cutting the corner of a lawn. "Some- 
body's driving reckless." 

Al the next street, Juarez turned left once 
more and accelerated to the middle of the 
block. Gambol put his hand on the dash as 
he braked before a house whose front door 
lay wide open, To the side, between the 
house and the fence, sat the blue Ford 

Gambol shifted his cane and unlatched 
his door, and Juarez said, “Spare yourself. T= 
Man, will you go and poke your head in?” 


GUY WD BORROWED My COSTUME 
SAD HE HAD A GREAT TIMES 


The Tall Man stood about five feet eight inches. They watched 
him stride across the lawn. He wore a brown business suit and a 
1950s fedora tipped far forward and yellow old-man shoes, but he 
moved like a man of about middle ag; 

Juarez laid his right arm across the seat back, and Gam 
moved his own arm away and took the head of his cane and re 
sitioned it pointlessly 


This is a crime scene,” Juarez said 
Gambol noticed the yellow streamer curled on the ро 

tered end of it lifting and collapsing, readjusted by the b 
Juarez said, “What do you think: 

They changed rides. 

The g is right there,” Juarez said. "Stupid, stup 
They should've stashed the truck. What do you think they te 
I mean the car 

Do I look psychic 

This is a nice neighborhood. They took a nice car 

The Tall Man returned and opened the Caddy's rear door 
Nobody home," He got in and shut the door and settled himself 
and said, “That's a crime scene in there 

Keep alert.” Juarez put it in gear. “We'll take a zigzag route 
Watch out for a пісе car driving stupid. 

The Tall Man said, "Do we have a destination? 

Breakfast. Downtown 


Jimmy Luntz woke with a spasm. He'd fallen asleep at the wheel 
But there was no wheel. He was a passenger. As the day reas 
sembled itself around him he wondered if something, n 


backhoe in front of them, had fallen from the sky onto th 
ful Jaguar. But it appeared they'd been struck from beh 
Anita said, “Jimmy 
Juarez stood beside Luntz's window, si 


x that it should 
be lowered 

Gambol flanked Anita's window. He slammed her door shut as 
she tried to open it. She turned the key in the ignition, but there 


was no place to ge 
Luntz moved his hand along the armrest, thinking fast but pro- 

ducing no thoughts, and his window came down 
Juarez stooped to put his face in Luntz's. “We had a Ни 
We'll take you 


crash, and I'm sorry. But everything's 
exactly where you're going 


Gambol opened the woman's door. She was looking at the shot 
beside her on the seat 

He watched her right hand. She hesitated, then placed her hand. 
on the steering wheel and her foot on the pavement and got out 
of the car. Her feet were bare 

Luntz addressed Juarez: “Is that your Caddy or Gambol's 

This one's mine," Juarez said, crossing around behind the 
Caddy to open the back door. “Luntz first." Luntz got in the car, 
and Juarez said, "Our lady in back also." The woman obeyed. 

The Tall Man sat at the wheel. By the tilt of his hat Gambol 
guessed he was studying the woman in his rearview mirror. 

Gambol slapped at Luntz's window until the Tall Man lowered 
it, He rapped on the trunk lid with his cane until he heard its lock 
unlatch. He hung his cane on the sill and leaned down and put 
1 forefinger hard against Luntz's left eyeball. “1 want your shirt 
Luntz worked at the buttons, and Gambol took his finger away and 
hauled the shirt from around Luntz and went to the Jaguar and 
wrapped the shotgun in it and put the bundle in the trunk 

Juarez had his hands on the Caddy" windowsill on the woman's side 
нё lowered himself to peer within. "Look at those dirty little feet 

Gambol returned to LuntZ s window and extended the flat of his 
palm under Luntz’s nose. “My wallet.” Luntz shifted in his seat and 
dug at his pants and produced the wallet. Gambol gaye him two 
across the face with it, back and forth, and then put it in his pocket 
without examination. Luntz sat there with his eyes watering, shirt- 
less, chicken-chested. “Luntz, A twelve-gauge is not a magic wand. 
You don't wave it around and people just explode 

Luntzs woman laughed 

Gambol told her, “I don't like you 

That’s all right,” Juarez said, reaching toward her lap to touch 
her hand, which was a fist, “everybody else in the world is very fond 
of her. And she’s g give you the keys to the Jaguar, right, Mr 


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PLAYBOY 


114 


G? And well follow you back to Mary's place. 
And you'll call Mary and tell her not to be 
home and leave the garage door open." 


Luntz squeezed Anita's knee twice, signal- 
ing something, he didn't know what, while 
Juarez, got into the backseat on Anita's 
other side and looked her up and down 
and said, “Boy: 

The Tall Man drove, following the Jag 
along the avenues. Juarez watched Anita's 
face as much as the view ahead. Anita sat 
still. Juarez said, "She's slightly beyond you, 
Luntz, Another class of person. 

Luntz said, “E know. 

“What's her name 
Luntz said, "Anita. 
“Whats her last name: 
“Desilvera.” 

They were on the highway for five min- 
utes before turning into another of Madro- 
na's subdivisions. The Tall Man drove 
slowly, his arm out the window and his 
hand urging the Jaguar to continue down 
the block, “The garage is still closed.” At 
the end of the block the ‘Tall Man stopped 
the car behind the Jag and put it in park. 

Luntz said, “Fucking Sally. Sally the 
snitch.” He hunched his bare shoulders and 
wrapped himself in his arms. “I should've 
beaten him to death with the shovel. Spade. 
The spade,” 

The Tall Man raised the windows and 
turned on the climate control 
Juarez said, “Anita,” 


“Your eyes are a little bit tighte 
and Td like it better if you can relax 

“Okay.” 

“Nothing's going to happen to you. This 
isn't your day for that." 

Anita was staring at the back of the Tall 
Man's hat. Luntz squeezed her thigh hard, 
but she didn't blink. She said, "Okay: 

The Tall Man put the car in gear, saying 
"There she goes,” and executed a high- 
velocity U-turn and drove to the middle 
of the block and into a garage and parked 
beside the Jaguar 


up. 


Gambol got out of the Jag and hit a wall 
switch, and the garage door descended. 
When its rumbling ended, Gambol 
approached, shifted his cane to his left 
hand and pulled open Luntz's door. 
Juarez said, "Anita. We're going inside 
You want to come inside with us?” 
o. 
Juarez said, "Luntz is coming. Right, 
Luntz?” as Gambol took hold of Luntz's arm. 
Juarez opened his door and said to the 
Tall Man, “Get her inside.” 


The Tall Man delayed. The others had 
moved into the house, but the collision 
point of certain energies remained here, in 
the car, with this woman. 

“These others,” he told her, “don't know 
what they are.” 

He turned the key to provide power to 

the windows and lowered them all and said, 
1 smoke. 
He twisted toward her in his seat. For 
a few seconds he paused, letting the scent 
of the others leave the interior. He said, 
"You're beautiful 

“Thank you.” 

He raised his face as his lighter flamed so 
that its glow illuminated him under the hat 
brim. "It's a burden, isn't it?” 

pio 

He held the llame for many seconds. She 
didn't look away. He'd been quite sure she 
wouldn't 

"These others," he told her once more, 
“don't know what they are.” He trusted 
she'd understood him the first time, but it 
merited repeating, 

“Will they let Jimmy live: 

“No. What about you? Do you smoke?” 

She shook her head. 

m going in. Will you come along?" 
“Okay.” 


"Sit." Juarez took Anita's arm gently, but 
she couldn't shake him off. “You don't like 
me touching you,” he said. He moved the 
ottoman aside for her, and she sat on the 


"How about we close the curtains till the parade's over?” 


couch, He came in close. “I's not about you 
watching. You understand? 

aa 
"s about him," Juarez said, "watching 
you watching." 

Jimmy occupied a dining chair set in the 
middle of a spread of silvery plastic tarp. 
He wasn't watching her. 

The person called the Tall Man set a 
similar chair in the corner across the liv- 
ing room. He sat down and turned on the 
lamp on the sideboard so that he occupied 
a shadow 

Gambol snapped his fingers in her 
“Give me your belt 

Anita took her belt off and handed it to 
him. He knelt and looped Jimmy's left ankle 
to а chair leg and ran the belt around the 
chair's opposite leg, taking up the slack, and. 
Anita believed he said, "Isa 
tourniquet—ha-ha,” but Anita сошї hear 
because Jimmy himself was talking, 

“and this old guy moved in li 
three places down from us,” he was saying. 
“It was a trailer park. I think I was twelve. 
Dude told me he'd pay me twenty dollars a 
day to clean up his trailer before he moved 
in. Trailer park. "Clean up my trailer, twenty 
bucks per day.” Gave me disinfectant and a 
bucket and all that shit.” 

“Shut up,” Gambol said. He stood 
He handed Juarez a box cutter and said, 
"There's some bungees in the garage.” He 
went out through the kitchen 

Holding the box cutter, Juarez put his 
hands in the pockets of his slacks, standing, 
with the sharp toes of his boots at the outer 
edge of the tarpaulin, looking at Jimmy. 

“Took me four and a half eight-hour 
days to get it clean, There was crap every- 
where, There was dirt underneath the dirt 
1 washed the floors like three times, and 
after that I had to scrape with a putty knife. 
1 really washed that place down. Got all the 
clutter out of the yard, raked up all the little 
sticks into a pile. Then I had to dig stuff out 
of the dirt with my fingers, broken bits of 
plastic, who knows what it was. Stuff gets 
broken. Plastic stuff. Got ай of it in the back 
of his pickup, had a different brand of tire 
on every wheel. Hosed down the little strip 
of asphalt in the front. Scattered seed, man, 
for the lawn. Took me four and a half days 
1 it like new. Never worked that hard 
or since. And at the end of this he 
ined the whole thing to me carefully." 

Gambol came in through the kitchen and 
stood by the counter with a tangle of bun- 
gee cords dangling from his hand. 

"This dude, I'd say he was sixty maybe. 
Drawing disability, periodic drunk, family 
gone, you know what I mean. He was just 
your typical solitary human wreck. And he 
says, ‘T've got ninety dollars for you. You 
sure earned it, and I've got it. Or you can 
have this lottery ticket.” Out it comes, Yeah, 
big old card in the palm of his hand. “This 
ticket,” he says, “cost a dollar fifty. So ИТ pay 
you the ninety, you could find somebody to 
buy you sixty tickets just like it. Or you can 
take this one. Just this one.’ Yeah. Thar's 
right. Yeah. So I took it 

Juarez said, "You think I don't know why 
you're telling me this? 

“I don't know. Maybe you do and maybe 
you don! 


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Juarez ceased jiggling his hands in his 
pockets. “I don't have to ask if it hit. 

Nothing from Jimmy 

“Fuck you. You lost.” 

Over in his corner, the Tall Man coughed. 
Or laughed 


It occurred to Luntz the era of Quiet 
Jimmy had ended. Words had worn his 
throat raw. “I just want you to know who 
you're killing.” 

“I didn't say Гиз killing you," Juarez told 
him. "What's happening is Гиз about to cut 
off your balls, If you die of it, that’s your 
personal decision,” 

He dragged the ottoman to the tarp, lift 
ing its legs a little to get it over the plastic's 
edge, and sat down facing Luntz, their 
knees nearly touching, 

Gambol raised his bungees and be 
extricating a cord from the tangle 

"This is so depressing,” Luntz said. 
“Gambol, did you hear that? Luntz is 
getting depressed.” 


an 


“I mean it. What's depressing is this two 
point five million dollars ГЇЇ never get to 
spend.” 

“Wolf tickets.” 

“Actually, it's 
way— win." 

“The fuck you do. Watching your balls 
get eaten isn't exactly winning. Very closely 
similar to losing, that’s my opinion.” 

“Watching you fuck up a chance at 
millions of dollars makes it all okay,” 
Luntz said 

“He's bullshit,” Gambol said. 

"Fine all around,” Luntz said, unbut- 
toning his farmer denims. "Where's your 
knife and fork, asshole?" He opened his 
pants and pulled the elastic of his shorts 
under his testicles. 

Juarez said, “Gambol, do you see this?” 

en 
“He just 


depressing. Either 


out his equipment.” 
“Let's eat,” Gambol said. 

Juarez drew his head back and regarded 
Luntz as if through a bad pair of glasses, 
“You're a poker player.” 


“Wow! I didn't even know there was a wicked witch of 
West 69th Street.” 


Luntz said, “Wait a minute." 

Juarez leaned in close. “What just hap- 
pened to your eyes 

“1 made a mistake. It's two point three. 
Not two point five. Two point three.” 

Juarez stared very carefully into Luntz's 
eyes. “I gotta admit,” he said, but it took 
him a long minute to admit anything, “your 
pupils are normal.” 

"Two point three million dollars. That's 
what it’s gonna cost you to—you know 
Your famous act.” 

“I have to get your face away from me.” 
Juarez rose and went to the kitchen and 
sat at the table by the window. Gambol and 
the Tall Man stayed quiet, and Luntz, so as 
not to look at Anita, closed his eyes and sat 
holding perhaps for the last time his man- 
hood in one hand 

After two minutes Juarez stood, turned 
and resumed the ottoman facing Luntz. 
“Do you know why you're not dead?" 

Luntz said nothing, because he didn't 
know the answer. 

Because you called me ‘asshole.’ That was 
the touch, That was the touch right there.” 

As Luntz made a slight motion, Juarez said, 
“But don't put your ballsaway yet, Somebody 
has to draw me a map to the treasure." 

Luntz looked at Anita 

Her eyes raced around the room as if a 
mob were tearing her clothes off. “I still 
want my half." 


Mary looked smart today—gray skirt 
1 heels, tight white blouse. Not, Gam- 
for the benefit of Juarez. You 
can't woman for looking good. 

She asked for a cell phone with a 
restricted 1D, Juarez handed her his 

She signaled for silence, though the 
others were silent already—Gambol him- 
self, Juarez standing over Luntz, Luntz's 
woman shrunken into the couch, the ‘Tall 
Man against the wall. 

She sat on the ottoman, put a cigarette in 
her lips, set her purse aside and crossed her 
legs. She punched the buttons while hold- 
ing her lighter in her hand. 

"This is Louise. I'm the sub today... №, 
Kilene can't make it. 1 just thought I'd check 
in with you. How's he doing?... Any special 
instructions? They said he doesn't need to 
be lifted—is that right?" She lit her cigarette 
and smoked awhile. "Okay, dumb question— 
when am I supposed to be there?... Damn" — 
she leaned backward to see the kitchen's wall 
clock— Tl be about minutes late. 
You go ahead and leave—he can go fifteen 
minutes on his own, right?" She took the 
phone to the kitchen counter. “Listen, I want 
to check in with the agency, but I'm in the 
car—have you got the number handy? And 
what's the patient's full name 

She made a note on a pad on the 
counter and came back to the ottoman, 
punching buttons 

“This is Eloise Tanneau. I'm Judge 
Tanncau's niece. I'm looking after him 
tonight, so can we skip the night nurse? 
And he may be coming home with me a 
few days.... Probably next Wednesday 
ГЇЇ сай first thing tomorrow and let you 
know for sure." 

She closed the phone and put out her 


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118 


cigarette and crossed her legs and clasped 
both hands around her kn: 
ward. “Phew!” 

Juarez said, “I should ve never divorced 


you 

"Yeah? I divorced you." 

Gambol watched all this. 

Juarez went into a corner with the Tall 
Man and spoke to him, looking only at the 
Tall Man's yellow shoes. Gambol heard him 
say, "Jag-you-are." 

Tle came back to Gambol and said, “I 
want the Jag," and Gambol turned over 
the keys. 

Juarez pointed to the Tall Man, pointed. 
to Luntz's woman. “Take him. Take her 
Mary goes to the movies." He lifted the 
sharp toe of his boot and rested it on the 


chair between Luntz' legs. "Leave this cus- 
tomer with me.” 

Mary said, “I just saw the fucking movie 
Twice,” 

Juarez said, “Stay away for one hour 
Keep your phone on. 

Mary touched the back of Gambol's hand 
with all four fingers. "See you later 

Juarez observed the gesture. "Sce, 
Juarez said angrily, "this is what I like about 
people, People surprise you. 


Luntz counted himself still in the game—his 
pants still open but his balls back inside his 


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shorts. But alone with Juarez, and Juarez 
holding an automatic pistol 

“Gambol won't like it if you're the one 
who smokes me. 

“TIL like it.” 

“Tm just saying—you know. Friends like 
tod 


things together. 
“I want his Cadillac 
erty. Give me the keys. 
The keys are in it 
sitting on the 
“Where's 
‘About three miles off the main highway 
Then way up there. Up the Feather River” 
“You pi 
Now? 
ez sighed 
“Unbuckle my leg 
Unbuckle 
Luntz 
feel capable 
doi 


It isn't your prop- 


Sort of. More like 


e of shit. Let's go. 


leg. 


t, but he didn't 
What are we 


nding 


We'll drive ther 
“And then whi 
“Then ГИ present it to him. When he 
s back from what he's dı 
And your car's 
Where his car is now? 
Yeah. 
“I don't understand 
asc you exist,” Juarez said, 
lizard. Gambol will under- 


1 we'll get his car." 


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door 
light 
age. Juarez nudged him 
into the passenger's side with the point 
of his gun. “Ladies first.” He lifted his 
shirt and holstered the pistol. “Remem- 
ber who has the power. 
While Juarez moved to the driver's side 
and opened the door, Luntz felt around 
beneath the seat. Juarez got in, saying, 
“This is a test-drive. Im considering а Jag- 
yourare.” As he reached his hand toward the 
ignition, Luntz put Anita's gun to his neck. 


They stood side by side as the 
thundered and the last of the d 
filled the ga 


The Tall Man removed his hat and set it 
beside him and turned almost fully toward 
Anita in the backseat, He counted four 
seconds before she looked away. He said, 
м 
be 


? 1 thought you said something, 
use he wanted her to. 
xcuse me?” 

What sort of car does this judge driv 

"IDs in the garage. 

“I realize. But what kind is it? 

A Cadillac 

“Like this one 

“But it’s black 

The house belonged in New England— 
stone walls and dark vines of ivy, a big 
entry with stained glass on either side of 
the door, Gambol had been standing at 
the door a long time 


W( = Guess Tanes Uer 
CALM угар OTL THE 2. | 
SENERTA INNING STRETCH. 


his man is very slow answering. You 
said he's in a wheelchair, correct? 

“1 didn't say that.” 

“No. You're right. Mary said it.” 

The day was warm, and they had the 
Cadillac running and the windows closed. 
for the air conditioner, but the sound from 
the house was audible to them as Gambol 
broke a pane of leaded glass with the butt 
of his revolver. They watched his shoulders 
rock slightly as he scoured the jagged edges 
of the pane with the gun's barrel, and then 
he turned sideways and slipped hisarm up 
to its elbow into the interior. 

Anita said, “What? 

1 said—are you worried about Luntz?” 

“Y 

“And you're sure this man has a com- 
puter on the premises? 

“What? Yes. I mean, I think so.” 

“Luntz is dead by now." 

"Oh." 

He breathed the syllable in. He tasted 
heartbreak, “His last moments were impres- 
sive. Do you think he kept his balls?” 

"Oh... His balls?” 

He inhaled deeply. The cell phone 
hummed twice in his hand. He checked the 
1D. “That's Gambol.” He shut off the cars 
engine. He replaced his hat and pulled the 
brim down as far as visibility permitted and 
headed for the house without looking to 
see if she followed 

Inside, he left the front door open 
behind him and waited for her. By the 
front door, a hat tree. On the hat tree 
a dark suit coat on a hanger. Не ran а 
finger down its empty sleeve. Italian silk. 
Gambol stood in the kitchen, mistre 
ing the jacket's owner. Above them and 
around them, tinted skylights and green 
potted plants gave the kitchen and dining 
areas a cool, pleasant feeling 

Even in his wheelchair the man gave an 
impression of height, some of it established 
by his coiffure—brilliant, silver-white, lay- 
ered like a toupee, which plainly it wasn't, 
as Gambol had his fingers tangled in it, 
pulling the man’s head backward in his 
wheelchair to prevent him fixing the but- 
tons of his shirt, When the man let his 
hands down, Gambol let go of his hair. 

*1 found him in the bathroom.” 

Except for the omission of his suit 
coat, the man had dressed for business, 
his slacks perfectly creased, shoes a bril- 
liant black on the wheelchair's metal foot- 
pads, but beneath the knot of his crimson 
tie his shirt was unbuttoned and its tails 
untucked, and a colostomy bag jutted 
from under his left armpit 

The door slammed behind the Tall 
Man, and Anita strode past him toward 
the kitchen. In her lumberjack costume, 
in her bare feet, still this female knew how 
to walk—head up, shoulders back—away 
from a flaming wreck. She bore down on 
the man, saying, “I'm guilty, Judge.” 

The judge possessed a histrionic flair. 
At the sight of Anita his chin went up and 
his eyes grew shiny. 

*1 killed Hank.” Now Anita stood before 
the wheelchair. With both her hands she 
grasped the bag under his armpit and 
jerked it free and struck him across the 
face with it, putting half a pirouette behind 


the blow, and Gambol leapt aside as feces 
erupted down the man’s neck and chest 
and behind his back, so that he was wear- 
ing it and sitting in it 

The judge raised his hand to wipe at his 
face but seemed to think better of it. He 
tilted his head, probably to direct the flow, 
and breathed through his open mouth. 

Gambol said something too softly to be 
heard, and the Tall Man said, “Shut up. 
We're out of our depth." 


Juarez drove right-handed, the heel of 
his left hand stanching the flow of blood 
from his forehead. “I love getting pistol- 
whipped. It means I'm dealing with a puto. 
He can't pull the trigge 

"Get to the highway.” Luntz switched the 
gun from his right hand to his left, keeping 
the weapon pressed against Juarez's kidney, 
and sat hack in a posture he believed more 
natural-looking for a passenger and added, 
"Shut up. 

“I wasn't talking.” 
fou were before.” 

“Where to?” 

"Shut up.” 

“Where are we going, Luntz?” 

left up here. Left. What do you 
As they accelerated onto the high- 
way, he reached into Juarez' shirt pocket 
“Lites, Crap.” 

“No, they're good. Really.” 

“Low tar. Silk shirt. Hey. Got any 
money? 

"Money?" Juarez lowered his window 
and the hoi breeze thudded around 
their heads 

"Give it her 

Leaning forward and squirming in his 
t, Juarez got his money clip from the 
pocket of his slacks and threw it out the. 
window 

“You fucking fuck.” Luntz put the muzzle 
under Juarez' jaw and pressed until Juarez 
craned his neck and grimaced. At the sight 
of oncoming cars, Luntz lowered it to the 
area of Juarez's ribs. 

Juarez wiped the blood out of his eye 
and then onto the seat, between his legs. 
“What's your next move? Go to this judge's 
house and waste everybody? Run off with 
the girl over your shoulder?” 

Luntz ignored him and made use of the 
Jag's cigarette lighter. 

“What a hero. You never even thought 
about Anita. You don't deserve her." 

“What's the address?” 

^I don't know, Luntz, Don't you Know?" 
A sports convertible pulled around on their 
left. Juarez said, “Look—those girls are 
laughing at your chest.” 

“Let them pass. Asshole.” 

Juarez accelerated gently, keeping 
abreast of it. “You're an embarrassment. If 
Anita’s your woman, then save her.” 

“She's not my woman,” Luntz said. “And 
nobody can save her.” 

Juarez clenched the wheel, working his 
thumbs. "You're an embarrassment from 
the beginning.” He turned to face Luntz. 
He was red-eyed, almost tearful. “When 
you pull а gun, you know what's the next 
thing to do? Shoot the gun. Shoot somebody.” 
“The Jaguar lurched into passing gear. 


Below is a list of retailers and manufac- 
turers you can contact for information on 
where to find this month’s merchandise. 
To buy the apparel and equipment shown 
on pages 92-95, check the listings below 
ind the stores nearest you. 


THROWBACK TO CAMPUS 

Pages 92-95: American Apparel, 
americanapparelstore.com, Ben Sher- 
See eee Benjamin 
Bixby, available at Barneys New York 
and Neiman Marcus. Canterbury of New 
Zealand, canterburyazusn.com, C9 бу 
Champion, target.com. Converse by John 
cis RAE lable at Service Lun 
wear in Austin, Texas. СРТ by Cockpit 
USA, cockpitusa.com. Gusto Barcelona, 
tarea DDGLAB, ddclab 
com. Diesel, diesel.com. Express, express 
com. Guess by Marciano, [uc 
Teather Island by Bill Lavin, available at 
Mario's in Portland, Oregon. Marc Ecko 
Cut & Sew, available at Macy's stores 
nationwide. Merona, target.com. Miss 
Sixty, misssixty.com. Moswmo, target 
EEUU ELE 
“Com: Rare Мон, available at Галат: 
‘Tlothing in Chicago. 7 for All Mankind, 
Tforallmankind.com. Sisley, 800-535- 
A491. Sony, sonystyle.com. Target, target 
com. Timberland, timberland:com- 
"UGG Australia, uggaustralia com. Under 


Armour, underarmour.com. Vintage 


Red, vintage-red.com. Warrior, 


lacrosse.com. 


CREDITS: PHOTOGRAPHY BY: P. 2 PATTY BEAUDET- 
FRANCES, BRENNAN CAVANAUGH, CINDY LEE JOHN 
SON; P. 9 ELAYNE LODGE 15), НИС PHOTOCHRIS 
ASTON; F 10 MICHAEL BEZIIANWIREIMAGE.GOM 
(Al RUTH CRUZ, ELAYHE LODGE (7), NOEL VASQUEZ 
GETTY IMAGES: P. 16 NEWSCOM, JARMO РОНАМ 
EMI IZ 17 CARLO ALLEGRUGETTY IMAGES, NOR. 
МАН PARKINSON: P. 10 DAVID REDFERN/RETNA 
UTD, P. 20 FRANCOIS DUHAMEL/WARNER BROS: 
F. 22 GARY VENTURA; P. 24 CORDIS (2), COURTESY 
EVERETT COLLECTION, INC /DREAMWORKS, GETTY 
IMAGES 12), GEORGE PHILIPPO/PICDESK: А. 2% AP 
WIDE WORLD. P. 26 CREUTERS/CORDIS: P. 37 СО, 
LUMBIA/COURTESY EVERETT COLLECTION, ING. 
GETTY IMAGES; Р. 28 GETTY IMAGES (21: Р, 39 AP. 
WIDE WORLD (25, GETTY IMAGES, P. 43 EUGENE 
GOLOGURSKY/WIREIMAGE.COM, © RO/KABI KIRET NA 
DIGITAL; P. 52 CHRIS GALLAGHER/PHOTO 
RESEARCHERS: FP. 64-55 MTV NETWORKS (зі; P. 55 
DAVID RAMS: Б.БВ GETTY IMAGES; P. 70 ALTENBURG. 
STUDIO LAS VEGAS (2): PP. 86-07 TOM HAUCK/ 
GETTY IMAGES; P. да GETTY IMAGES (4): 9 GETTY 
IMAGES (21, P. 123 COURTESY STEVEN JAMES MAY 
PHOTOGRAPHYMAYPHOTOGRAPHY.COM, GILBERT 
FLORE S/CELEGRITYPHOTO.COM (3, STEPHEN 
LOVEKIN/WIREIMAGE COM, PALAIS PRINCIER 
MONACO POOLWIREIMAGE COM; P. 124 BARRY 
BRECHEISENAVIREIMAGE.COM, COURTESY OF 
PALMS CASINO RESORT, ANGELA MELINUMAROUIS 
MODELS.COM. LEISL SCHRADER/REMIX PHOTO: 
P, 132 COURTESY EVERETT COLLECTION, INC. (2). 
SGARY 1. ROTHSTEIN/EPACORDIS, ILLUSTRATION 
By. P з БАНАН WILSON, P. 15 HAIR AND MAKEUP 
Бү DEHX, STYLING BY TINA COTE-DOLAN; РР, 1-42 
GROOMING BY JENNA GARAGIOLA: PP. 54-59 PHOTO 
GRAPHED AT HEDONISM Ш JAMAICA. Р. 64 GROOM- 
PROP STYLING BY GILLE MILLS FOR THEWALL 
MARGARETHALDONADO СОМ; P. 69 WATCH PRO- 
VIDED BY HOWARD FRUM JEWELERS, 5 S. WABASH, 
SUITE 814, CHICAGO, ILLINOIS: PF. 92-85 HAIR BY 
RAYBROWNPRO.COM, MAKEUP BY ANTWAN JONES AT 
TIMOTHY PRIANO USING KEVYNAUCOIN.COM, PROP 
KATHY KALAFUT. COVER: MODEL: KELLY CARRING- 
TON, PHOTOGRAPHER: STEPHEN WAYDA, HAIR AND 
MAKEUP: SARA CRANHAM, WARDROBE STYLIST: 
REBECCA BROUGH, PRODUCED EY HOLLY MADISON, 


119 


PLAYBOY 


120 


“Slow down, Juarez.” 
“Let's put on a show. 
“Slow dow 
Juarez stomped and released the accel- 

erator rhythmically and rocked the engine 

in and out of passing gear. "Sce up there, 
the overpa 

“I'm serious, Juarez.” 

“What I'm going to do, I'm going to 

drive into the abutment.” 

Luntz stuck the gun barrel in Juarezs 
car and was pressed back in his seat. The 
engine’s noise rose steadily. 

“Puck you, Luntz, Put the gun down, or 
I swear to fuck.” Juarez levitated in his seat 
as he locked his leg, holding the pedal t 
the floor. "We're gonna break one twenty 
He was shouting above the engine's noise. 
“I die, you die. Come on, I been waiting for 
a reason to crash this picce-of-shit Jag. Pm 
gonna get a Lex 

"Thinking, What a good line, how cool is 
this guy Juarez, Luntz blew his head off. 

er's window collapsed into rice grains 
while a two-inch-wide fissure opened above 
his ear. Luntz clutched the wheel with one. 
hand and then with both hands, and the 
gun fell into [uarez's lap while Luntz nearly 
followed it, working his left leg over the 
console and kicking at Juarez's pointed 
boot on the accelerator. He found the 
brake with his foot and pulled the whe 
to the right, and now they traveled back- 
ward and the view smeared itself across the 
windshield, and now they'd swapped ends 
again and were stopped diagonally on the 
gravel shoulder. The engine had quit. In 
the silence it ticked, and Luntz heard him- 
self breathing hard and saying, “Juarez— 
think I just shot you." 


“We wrap a towel around here, just below 
the knee," Gambol explained to the judge, 
"and we go berserk with a tire iron. What 
the fuck is this? 


Му catheter bag.” 

“Jesus,” Gambol said. 

“Make him beg," Anita said. 

m seventy-six years of age. Do you 
understand? My bones won't heal." 

“The Tall Man suspected the judge's resis- 
tance had more to do with his shock at bad 
manners than with any worldly desire to 
keep his money. The man was very ill, with 
a jaundiced tint to his faded suntan and 
а papery, tentative quality to his flesh, to 
say nothing of his colostomy hag—and the 
catheter bag, too, pecking from the cuff of 
his slacks 

“Don't worry,” Gambol told the judge, 
“you'll probably talk before the bone 
splits.” 

“Pll talk now,” the judge said. "It won't 
help you, but I'm at your mercy.” 

That's how it works,” Gambol said. 

“No, No,” Anita said. "He's the father 
of lies.” 

“What the fuck,” Gambol asked her, “is 
your name?” 
nita.” 

“Shut up, Anita.” With the corner of a 
dish towel, Gambol wiped shit from the 
judge's cheek. “The Tall Man’s got some 
questions." 

"The judge took the dish towel in his fin- 
gers and rubbed his neck with it. "I'm sure 
T know what you want.” He folded the cloth 
around the soiled portion and rubbed at 
his chin 

“You've hidden some funds,” the Tall 
Man said. “We want account numbers, 
passwords, all of that.” 

“Look under the kitchen trash.” 

Gambol hauled a white plastic bucket 
from under the sink and set it by the wheel- 
chair. “Go through your own trash.” 

“Under the bag. The steps are listed 
in order.” 

Gambol hoisted the trash bag and felt 
around beneath it and threw a notebook on 
the counter, beside the Tall Man's elbow. 


"From the moment I saw you bobbing for apples, 
I knew you were special." 


"Something important now." The judge 
took a long breath. “Ive given you what I can, 
but it’s only half of what you want. There's 
an eight-digit password. When we chose it, 
T typed in four digits, and my partner typed 
in four. You understand? You've got hall the 


iere I can't oblige you, either.” The 
judge turned his eyes on Anita, “My part- 
ner's been killed." 

Anita stood straight and silent. Gambol 
said, “Get her purse.” 

"There's nothing in my purse.” As if 
probing for the limit of her physical free- 
dom, Anita moved aside the trash bag and 
went to the kitchen sink and started the 
water and splashed her hands and face 
‘The Tall Man watched for some explosive 
move. He believed in her. 

She raised her flannel shirttails and 
wiped her face and said, "There's noth- 
ing written down. But as long as I get my 
half, we're 
hat," 
works," 

She stepped quickly toward the end of 
the kitchen and the door to the yard. Gam- 
bol came after just as quickly but stumbled 
оп the trash bag and slipped on wet floor 
tiles and went down on one knee, and the 
Tall Man felt something flare in his own 
chest and might even, he believed, have 
said, “Go!” At the door she clutched the 
knob and worked at the chain lock, Gam- 
bol caught the waist of her pants and pulled 
her backward as he stood up. He grasped 
her left wrist and dragged her through 
the kitchen toward the hallway, twisting 
her arm behind her and shoving his fist 
in her mouth so one could hardly hear 
the noise she made when her shoulder 
dislocated, Convulsively she puked on his 
hand, and he took it away and flung the 
liquid at the floor, saying, “That's it—no 
mercy,” and she said, “Good 


nc 
зато! said, “is not how it 


The judge's study was dark, As the Tall 
Man pressed the keys and woke the com- 
puter, the screen lit the backs of his hands 
at the keyboard, 

He paused to button his suit jacket and 
place his hands over his lap and listen to 
the sounds from the neighboring room. 

When the sounds had stopped, the Tall 
Man moved his fingers over the keys and 
opened communications with the bank. 

The judge said, “Excuse me. I don't like 
to disturb you. But I have a question.” 

Er 

“This situation. Is it going to be termi- 
nal? In your opinion." 

“For Anita?” 

“For anyone, For me.” 

There came a thump, just one. The ‘Tall 
Man raised a finger for silence. No more 
sounds came. His fingers returned to the 
keyboard. 

When he heard the door to the other 
room open and close, he raised his face to 
the wall before him. “In here. 

Gambol entered the study and shut the 
door, holding in his hand a small piece of 
paper. “Try this." A yellow Post-it note. 

“The other hand.” 


КЕТҮ 


SURGEON GENERAL'S WARNING: Quitting Smoking 
Now Greatly Reduces Serious Risks to Your Health. 


PLAYBOY 


122 


Gambol transferred it to his bloody 
hand, and the Tall Man accepted it and 
fixed the paper next to the notebook open 
at his elbow 

“I don't push buttons on machines,” 
Gambol told the judge, “just people. So 1 
hope you know what happens if this pass- 
word's bullshit.” 

“Quiet.” The Tall Man pushed his chair 
back and stood up. 

He went down the short hallway and 
stood for a moment outside the door. He 
put his hand on the doorknob and let it stay 
there, She was still making small sounds 

When Gambol coughed in the next room 
and the Tall Man felt he might be about to 
call out, he let go of the doorknob and let go 
of it all and returned to the judge's study 

He sat before the keyboard and entered 
the password and waited. 

“How long does this shit take?" Gambol 
said, making it a question for their host 
rather than the Tall Man. 

The judge gave no indication of having 
heard him 

“This one's working.” The Tall Man 
rested his chin in his hand and awaited 
further prompts from the machine. 

"Then I guess you transfer it to the € 
mans. 1 wonder if that’s the same bank as 
mine," Gambol said to no one. 

The Tall Man tapped the keys and 
waited. 

“How do you get the money out?" Gam- 
bol asked the judge. 

The Tall Man said, “I log into the bank's 
site and then follow the prompts." 

“How do you log into the bank? 

“First,” the Tall Man said, "you learn 
about computers.” 

“You got a pen 
judge. 

The Tall Man said, “Yes, 1 do.” Simulta- 
neously he felt a gun nuzzling his collar 

In the many years of their association, 
Gambol had addressed the Tall Man per- 
haps half a dozen times directly. He did so 
now. "Write it all down.” 


Gambol asked the 


At the intersection with the highway, Gambol 
stopped the Caddy. He reached crosswise with 
his left hand and levered the gearshift in 
park. The Tall Man faced straight ahead. 


ڪڪ 


“Well, now we know why the chicken crossed the road. 


Gambol patted the pockets of the Tall 
Man's jacket and took away his cell phone 
and his notebook and laid them on the con- 
sole and nudged the Tall Man's ribs with 
the gun. 

The Tall Man opened his door and got out. 
Gambol shut it for him by accelerating away 

A quarter mile along the highway, Gam- 
bol took his foot off the accelerator and 
laid his wrists on the wheel and worked his 
shoulders. The traffic was bad. The prob- 
lem was on the other side, in a northbound 
lane, but vehicles here in the southbound 
lane had slowed to a walking pace. At this 
speed, the Tall Man might beat him to 
Madrona 

He checked his mirror and saw the Tall 
Man ambling behind him toward town in 
the cool of the evening, his silhouette raised 
up and set aside by passing headlights. 

The Tall Man handled numbers, taxes, 
accounts. He'd set up Gambol's own off 
shore tax dodge. Gambol liked him. 

He dropped his hand and found the but- 
ton and backed his seat out to the fullest 
at and eased the angle of his right leg 
He got Mary on the phone and said, "What 
do you know about computers?” 

71 know they make me sick. The last 
few years in the service, I had to be online 
every day.” 

"I need you to jump on a computer for 
me 


Whose phone are you using? I almost 
didn't answer.” 

“Compliments of a friend." 

The vehicles around him flickered in a 
blue-and-white light. As he idled the Caddy 
past the scene of the trouble, he nearly 
stopped. Accidents were none of his busi- 
ness, gawking just another symptom of the 
human disease. But he thought he recog- 
nized the car. 


She woke in a red darkness. The sound of 
the river lifted her to her feet and carried 
her down a tunnel that branched toward 
light and the noise of water. 

In the brilliant chamber the judge sat 
stripped naked, leaning sideways in his 
wheelchair, wetting a white flag under a 
faucet. The judge pronounced her sen- 
tence: “You're alive.” 


COMPA 


е me your car keys, she said, but it 
didn't sound like that because her jaw must 
be broken. 

“1 called 10 you many times. I thought 
they'd killed you.” He made no attempt to 
cover himself. 

Keys. 

“Did you say keys 

Car. 

"Go lie down." 

She ordered her hands to his throat 
Only the right one obeyed. 

“It's a 1951 Coupe deVille. I bought it 
secondhand the day I passed the bar. 1 
won't let you wreck it 

She put the crook of her thi 
finger against his Adam's apple 
the arteries below either jaw 

He took her wrist in both his hands, and 
his eyes turned cold. “In the kitchen, On 
the bulletin board,” 

Her tendons burned where his fin- 
gernails gouged against the back of her 
hand. His face paled, and a faint blue 
light dawned beneath the skin. He lost 
consciousness within seconds, but still 
he breathed, She shifted her stance and 
tightened her grip on his larynx, and a 
wheezing began. She closed her eyes and 
directed all awareness into the effort of 
her right hand. No sight or sound reached 
her senses, She couldn't have said which 
one of them was dying, 


nb and fore- 
nd felt for 


With the washer's noise out in the utility 
room, Mary wasn't certain she'd heard a 
car. She hit the mute on the television and 
stood up as Gambol came through the 
front door 

He raised the 
pointed it at her 
good today.” 

1 clean up pretty nice, huh? 

“Hey,” he said, "ler's take a ride.” 

She kicked at her pumps and slipped 
her feet into them and stooped to put 
out her cigarette, "I've got laundry in 
Can I turn it off?” 

"Leave it 

She looked toward the utility room 
where the machine chugged and gurgled 
She reached for the remote and dropped it 
and knelt on the carpet, feeling for it under 


nd of his cane and 
nd said, "Man, you look 


the coffee table 
“Leave it 
She stood up. “Ernest. I never saw you 
smile before.” 
“Is there fishing in Montana?” 


“Every square inch.” She drew her head 
back. “You've got nice teeth 
He dropped his cane and took her in his 
arms, “The Muslims lost one today 
“Yeah, baby,” she said. “Nuke Mecca.” 


‘The right-hand tires bumped over onto 
the shoulder, she yanked the wheel 
straight, they very soon bumped over 
again. Did she need gas? That thought 
came in and went away. Was it really 
raining?—when the stars were shining? 
She found the button and lowered the 
window and stuck her head out for great 
breaths of chilly air, driving one-handed, 


(concluded on page 125) 


GREEN WITH ENVI 


the online n 
“He has two 
at school,” € 


Miss June 1997 Carrie 
Stevens launched the 
online green fashion 


magazine Envi-Image 


(envi-image.com) with 
a le help Irom her 


Playmate friends. 


model for him, and I 
didn't want to go into 
cla 
10 young children what 
а Play 
always enviroi 


Its goal is to help nd have to expl. 
people become more 


environmentally con- 


scious about clothing 
and beauty products 
without looking like 
back-to-nature types. 


nscious in my 


"We want to encour- that you don't have t 
age people to make an 


effort to do more eco- 


look as if you eat granola 


These girls don't look crunchy 
(above) dresses Playma 

Nicole Narain, Rhond: 

and Spencer Scott for he 


For the first issue, 

ic called on several 
Playmates to model 
environmentally aware 
attire and nontoxic 
Now when my son asks what 
Carrie says, “I joke with 
planet! 


friendly things in their 
lives," Carrie says. “We 
prefer to do it with | 
grace and style. If you 
want to look sexy and 
feel sexy, then wear guilt-free clothing and 2 makeup 
makeup. You'll have no inhibitions I do for a living, 
Carrie's son provided the motivation to start 


ate is. I was 1 


ld share with others. £ 


Miss October 1998 
told us her ambition 

was to "marry the man of my 
dreams and have lots of ba- 
bios.” She's off to a good start. 
In November 


2002 she wed base- 
hall player Aaron Boone, now 
with the Washington Nation- 
als. Several blogs have put 
her on their fantasy (baseball 
players’ wives) team, And the 
couple has started its own 
squad with a beautiful son. 


When Howard 
Stern asked his 
guest Miss June 
2008 Juliette 
Freue if her 
breasts were 


and Try to 
squeeze them 
into D cups." 


MY FAVORITE PLAYMATE 


The first year is always the toughest 
for bars and caterics—26 percent 
of new restaurants close within the 
first 12 months—so the Pub at 

Gateway Village in Charlotte, 
North Carolina spared no 


Ben expense when it celebrated 
its one-year anniversary. The 


unpleasant. Miss February 2005 i | establishment flew in PMOY 
nber Campisi said her ambition was 2007 Sara Jean Underwood 
to take over her family's restaurant. | to bend an elbow with its faith- 
imagine her presence as pleasant, ful patrons. She 
homey and naked—a total turn-on.” also autographed 
head shots for the ЖЩ 
rw crowd. What is а АЛ 
Playmate most НЫ 
often asked to write ? 


“When | was in college, 
I worked at a family- 
owned restaurant, and 


when signing her 
photo? Her phone 
number. Nice try, 
guys.... For the 
Safer Sex in the 
City party in New York, we sent Miss 
November 2001 Lindsey Vuolo to 
nightclub full of beds). She worked 
the room, including interviewing 
adult-film star Savanna Samson, 
who revealed that she feels safer in 
her industry than in the dating 
world because 
actors must 
show a clean 
bill of health 
The Playboy 
Foundation co- 
sponsored the 
annual fund- 
raising party 
hosted by the 
AIDS Service 
Genter NYC, 
and we tip our 
hat to the concept behind the 
event: education on safer sex. 
Real estate mogul in the making 
Miss May 1999 Tishara Cous- 


IS July 1973 ino acquired 
| бегі smith 4 her license in Tishora Cousino 
1 N И Nevada a few Makes Palms Place 

ene hot property 


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long had a knack for turning out Playmates. Martha S 
Sally Sarell was born in Ashtabula, Ohio, 

spent some time in Finland and then 
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lucky guys at the University of Minnesota. 


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years ago. How 
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(continued from page 122) 
covering her shattered eye socket with 
the other hand to eliminate the dupli- 
cates in her field of vision 

"The big black Cadillac divided the rain. 
She killed the headlamps, The downpour 
glittered in the starshine, in the moonglow, 
in the lightning. Sure was raining hard 
Sure was looking bad. At this rate, she'd 
never make it to the river. 


Jimmy Luntz walked the road, watch- 
ing his feet by starlight, Along the pave- 
ment's edge, tufts of grass sprouted from 
the asphalt 

He came to a crossing—a gas station and 
convenience store—and went inside and 
said, "Nice night." 

The gal behind the counter said, "No 
shirt, no shoes, no service." 

“I have shoes on." 

She said, “Sorry,” and seemed sincere. 
She looked young, and possibly pregnant, 
or ready for a diet 

He checked his money clip 

“Kenny's in the back,” she said. 

“I wasn't looking for him.” 

“1 know. But just so you know." 

Do 1 look like a robber?” 

“You look like something. Not a robber 
Justalong those lines.” 

“How much are those T-shirts?" 

“Whatever it says.” 

From the bin he picked one—light 
blue, size large, MORE BEER—and pulled 
it over his head. 

“That one’s funny,” she said. 

He counted his change, He craved a 
smoke, and he had just enough money for 
a pack, but he bought a lotto ticket for a 
dollar, and then he was too short for ciga 
rettes. Scratched a loser. He had enough 
for a burger but went into that sum for 
another dollar. 

As he touched the ticket, he could feel it 
in his fingers. He set his money clip on the 
counter and flattened it with the heel of his 
hand and slipped the ticket into it along 
with nothing but his driver's license. 

“Tivo bucks in his grip. He bought two tix. 
Scratched a loser, and the second one hit 
for 10. "There we go. See that?” 

“You want it in tickets?” 

“Just a pack of Camel straights. No. You 
got Luckies? It's Luckies from now on. And 
those Twinkies. And ГИ get a can of Sprite 
or something. You got matches 

“Now you're back to zero. 

He cracked the deck and lit up and 
raised a hand in farewell. 

“Are you walking?” 

Luntz said, "I guess ГИ hitchhike.” 

“You better clean up first. 

“Yeah? Where's the washroom?” 

She shook her head. “The whole back of 
your pants is like you been rolling in dirt. 
You better find some deep water.” 

"Where's the river?" 

“Right over there a half a mile." 

“Isit cold?” 

“I's cold. But it won't kill you.” 


KEVIN CONNOLLY 


(continued from page 66) 
the show. M. Night Shyamalan, one of the 
coolest directors around, was just excited to 
be there. It's funny: Allthe directors seem to 
be happy to be on a set and not directing. 


Qu 

PLAYBOY: How much of Entourage is based 
оп real-life Hollywood stories? 

CONNOLLY: A lot of plotlines are loosely 
based on Hollywood mythology you hear 
about. Martin Landau played a classic old- 
time producer, like Bob Exans, who is part 
of that mythology. Our producer had a film 
teacher who always said, "Is that something 
you might be interested in?" Landau said 
that, and it has become an ofi-quoted line 
from Entourage. It’s also interesting how 
the show has created this life off the set 
for us that is now feeding back into the 
show—like using two of my real-life pals, 


Lukas and Ethan, guys I've worked with 
before who are now going to be my clients 
on Entourage. 


Q20 

PLAYBOY; At the end of last season the 
Entourage troupe is in the financial crapper, 
downgrading from a multimillion-dollar 
mansion to living out of Drama's condo. 
It's all good in this season, right? 
CONNOLLY: We're back from Cannes, dealing 
with the Medellin movie being unsuccessful 
and how that impacts Vince's career and 
our lives, But then there's a switch: Vince 
is broke, but with Ез expanding personal- 
management business the tide has turned. 
There's money coming in, and now I'm 
starting to write the checks, But the guys are 
sticking together, and Vince will be back. 


Read the 21st question at playboy.com/21q. 


125 


PLAYBOY 


126 


PETE WENTZ 


(continued from page 48) 
PLAYBOY: Pink Is the New Blog wrote that 
Fall Out Boy wouldn't be as famous without 
the nude photos 
WENTZ: That's the first thing I would 
assume: That dude probably just wanted 
to be famous, The pictures were intended 
for a girl. I don't know how they got out, 
but I have no way of proving that. ГИ 
tell you one thing: It’s not worth it. Гуе 
always said I want Fall Out Boy to be the 
biggest band on the planet, but at the 
same time I wasn't looking to shop pic- 
tures of myself naked. 
PLAYBOY: Do you wish you had Photo- 
shopped the pictures to make the gear a 
little bigger? 
WENTZ: My wife's happy with it, and 
that’s all that matters. At the time I was 
just embarrassed. I thought, Did my 
mom see it? 
PLAYBOY: Your mom was the first one to see 
your gear 
WENTZ: But it has changed since she last 
saw it, thank God. 1 just don't know that I 
need to have my mom see naked pictures 
of me hanging out in front of a Morrissey 
record, My mom's got a Google alert for 
me on her computer. Her only reaction 
way “Be more careful.” 
PLAYBOY: So what do the people who don't 
like you say about you? 
WENTZ: “Oh, Pete's a fucking dick.” I get 
called a sellout pretty often. But I don’ 
do things just for the payday. I did a 
ad, The clothes were things I was wearing 
at the time. 
PLAYBOY: What did the Gap pay you? 
WENTZ: Off the record? 
PLAYBOY: On the record. 


WENTZ: I get paid more to deejay for one 
night than the Gap paid me. 

PLAYBOY: Aren't you already set for li 
WENTZ: I'm far from being secure. 1 
worry about mortgage payments, I cat 
leftovers, I buy the generic versions of 
things at the supermarket, I buy certi- 
fied pre-owned cars. 

PLAYBOY: Do you clip coupons? 


WENTZ: I would, but I don't think I get a 
newspaper. 
PLAYBOY: You mentioned Fall Out Boy 


being called the kings of emo. Is that a 
title you like: 
WENTZ: I'm not embracing it or reject- 
ing it. 1 think about us as the Lemon 
Generation—like making lemonade out 
of lemons, We have safe lives, and we're 
not worried about the Cold War; a lot of 
us aren't worried about where our next 
meal is coming from. Our war is bore- 
dom. That doesn't mean you can't hav 
ntal illness or be upset that your pa 
ents are getting divorced or that the girl 
you love doesn't love you 

PLAYBOY: So even if the music sounds 
self-indulgent and whiny, it helps fans 
understand that other people share the 
same problems? 

WENTZ: This counterculture allows you to 
figure out who you are. I don't see kids 
going right from high school to being 
married or going from college right into 
law school. Ninety-nine percent of my 
friends are still figuring out what they're. 
doing. We've realized we don't have to 
become who we were supposed to be. 
That's what 1 mean by the Lemon Gen- 
eration. The losers have made their own 
culture. The losers have won. 


"Let's get dressed and then you can show me the 
good time you promised me.” 


VEGAS 


(continued from page 84) 

“No,” someone in the crowd says. "He's 
a Japanese porn star. His name means 
“John Holmes’ in Japanese.” But the box 
man later confirms that the high roller is 
indeed in the music business. 

Japanese Rock Star is living the moment. 
He has a stunning Asian girl next to him, 
and sitting on a stool are two gorgeous 
brunettes in short skirts who are nibbling 
on each other's lips like playful kittens. 
“Pros,” says Frank. 

No one dares step up to roll with this 
whale. At $100 minimum, you can lose 
$10,000 in 15 minutes, Dom gathers the 
Horsemen. 

“Fuck this guy." he says. “Lets do it," 

We take our positions. 

The problem, we soon realize, is that 
Japanese Rock Star is blind drunk, swigging 
‘champagne as he throws the dice and bel- 
lowing “Eight” the way kamikaze pilots yell 
“Banzai!” And inebriation is causing him to 
bet late, He'll drop a few white chips down at 
the last second. Craps requires a rhythm, and 
Japanese Rock Star is messing with ours 

In one way this is craps as it should be 
with 200 rubes watching your every move, 
a fortune at stake and lesbians and high- 
end liquor Mowing freely. But this drunk 
guy is sending us into a tailspin, Dom, the 
Arm, the Dentist and the Mathematician all 
flame out without hitting a 15 roll. I man- 
age a 12, but the night is lost 

Finally, we leave Japanese Rock Star to 
his fans. He loses $200,000 that night, We 
later hear he came back the following night 
and did it all over again. 


The next day is worse. My bankroll is 
down by almost half. The Horsemen do 
these trips about six times a year and usu- 
ally lose once, but on this trip they're los- 
ing at every single session 

“You know what?" says Frank, pointing 
at me as we sit in a VIP lounge. "Its got to 
be him. He's fucking cursed us." 

The others laugh, but I know everyone’ 
thinking the same thing. Craps Ка game of 
precision, and being watched by a journal- 
ist could easily ruin your technique. 

That night, in my hotel room, I stare 
at the ceiling. What if I аш the curse? Or 
what if the Five Horsemen are frauds, 
con men who have developed a beauti- 
ful system for getting suckers to pay for a 
skill that sounds good but doesn't really 
work on the casino floor? 

But I've seen them bet. The Mathematician 
has a huge bankroll built up over the past 
10 years. And they're known around Vegas 
When we first hit the casino, a former stu- 
dent ran up to Dom and said, “You changed 
my life.” He quit his job to be a controlled 
shooter and made $100,000 last year. 

It has to be real. We have one day left 
10 prove it 


On day three we meet for breakfast. The 
mood is tense, and we barely speak as we 
head for the tables 


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Contents copyright © 2008 
by Playboy. 


The stickman recognizes Dom. I 
him about the Horsemen. "Oh 
they've been coming here for year 
tells me. “And I've never seen them have 
a drought like this.” Word has gotten 
around that Golden Touch is losing. 

e the dice. My throw looks 
three or four turns. But real- 
е craps is harder than practicing up 
my attic: Other players will set their 
chips down in your landing 

if you hit them, the dice g 
off into the 
trolled th 
sevens out after his sixth roll. He takes 
his chips and slams them into the top 
of the table, shouting “Motherfucker!” 
himself. “Don't 
he says, staring off 
ist in wha 


to space 

looks like some ki 

ver. Um af 1 he's crac 

Our morning session is 

1 decide I can't play cr 

1 can't think or talk about сг 

lice for a second m 

e] pool, drink Gosling's rum 
h the sunlight ripple off the wa 
e session left. 1 arrive on the 

floor before the others. An Indian 
d watch ha 


casin 
guy with a gorgeous Chop: 


taken over the $100 table from Japanese 
Rock Star. “Poor guy," says the stickman. 
We're kicking his brains out 

At least it's not just us. 


The Horsemen arrive, and we cash in. 
thematician have unspec- 
nd the dic me to me. 1 


nd put money on six and 


And 1 do not stop. The dice are com- 
ing off my fingers flawlessly, tucking into 
lovely spins. 1 begin to hit the six, eight 
4 10, on whi 
climb to 15 
number 
The bl 
then the lave 
another six, Dc 
grabs me 
iow're like my lit 


k $100 chips land on the table, 
ler 8500. When I hit 
nes running over and 


e baby!” he shouts 
When you are on a roll at craps, the 
quality of light around the table seems 
to change. Time slows down, and you 
see the smiling faces of your friends, the 
deal 
5с 
simple fulcrum for delivering the 
to a certain spot on the table. You 
unconscious of anything except the pl 
sure of winning. 
I hit another number, the crowd 
ke his cherry!" shouts 
There is probably $15,000 on 
ble for each throw now. The bet- 
ting escalates with every roll. 1 end up 
hitting 35 before I flame out with a four- 
three seven. 

But behind me the team catches fire 
In the next two hours Dom throws 
а 45, the Mathematician gets a high 
20s roll, and the Arm reels off a monster 
50 count. By the end of the magical ses- 
sion the team has made back most of its 
losses from the trip. And when you fac- 
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128 


dollars in comps the guys have raked in, 
they've actually made money. 

Even when they re down, they're up. 
I's the beautiful logic of the skilled 
high roller. Betting much more consen 
vatively than they are, I don't do near! 
as well, but I'm in the black for the first 
session this trip. 

Our rally complete, we float away 
from the table toward the cashiers. Dom 
comes up beside me and grabs my neck. 
“You know what this is like?” he says 
“It's like when the Yankees are in the 
World Series and their star players can't 
get a hit, But then in the ninth inning 


the rookie comes from nowhere and 
saves the team.” 

You know what? That is exactly what 
this is like. 

I catch a plane out of Vegas the next 
morning. Do I leave as a convert to Frank 
and Dom's system? Their detractors would 
point out that I lost money on the trip. 
Their supporters would point to their 
record of winning over time. 

On the way home I hold a pair of ruby- 
red dice in my right hand, practicing my 
grip. For hours. 


“Damn! Гоё struck oil.” 


ADDERALL 


(continued from page 52) 
deep breaths, he's calm enough to reenter 
the hall and take the exam. 

“I did better on that exam than on any 
exam I've ever taken,” he later recalls. “1 
got a near-perfect score.” 

Aslightly built youth with gelled brown hair 
and a casual half-hipster, half-preppie style, 
David is a fan of Adderall, He has been tak- 
ing it for about a year on a fairly regular basis, 
and except for that time he nearly passed out 
in the exam room, it has been a cool ride. “It 
takes away your worries,” he says of the drug. 
“Instead of freaking out and thinking, Oh 
man, I'm going to fail tomorrow, you take a 
pill and everything is fine.” 

When I meet David, he is in the middle 
of finals, and in four days he has slept only 
eight hours. He shows no signs of tiredness. 
In fact, he's feeling great thanks to the 60 
milligrams of Adderall he has taken over the 
past 24 hours, He's from a well-to-do sub- 
urban family, and once finals are over he's 
headed to Europe for the summer and vows 
he won't touch the drug for months, He says 
he uses Adderall mainly as a study aid, but 
sometimes he uses it to socialize, too. 

“Adderall has added a lot to my life,” he 
says. "Lowe a lot of my friendships to Adder- 
all. Normally, 1 don't like talking to random 
people, but on Adderall you're really inter- 
ested in people. Its the get-up-and-go drug, 
Instead of sitting on the couch, smoking pot 
and watching television, 1 want to go out 
and do things." (David has also discovered 
another useful role for the drug: "Jerking off 
on Adderall is an amazing experience.") 

When asked if Adderall has improved his 
grades, David pauses “Actually,” he says, “now 
that T think about it, it doesn't, My first semes- 
ter Thad straight AS. The second term, when 
I started taking Adderall, I had straight Bs. 1 
continued using it, and now I have ап A-, B+ 
mix. So maybe the Adderall hasn't helped" 

David underscores a seductive part of 
amphetamine’s appeal that scientists have 
known for decades: The substance doesn’t 
just give you extra energy; it makes you 
feel good about yourself. The drug releases 
in the brain high levels of the pleasure 
chemical dopamine, the same substance 
discharged while making love or smoking 
a cigarette, That's why amphetamine was 
America’s first widely prescribed antide- 
pressant, decades before Prozac 

А common complaint among today’s stu- 
dents is the constant stress and mental ex- 
haustion they feel competing in such an 
academically demanding environment. The 
pendulum has swung away from the slacker 
generation, so much so in fact that one could 
argue college students have never before 
found themselves under so much pressure to 
perform and excel—not just to get good grades 
but to outdo one another. Its not only harder 
10 get into a good college these days (some Ivy 
League schools receive twice as many applica- 
tions as they did a decade ago), but once you 
get there the pressure is unrelenting to main- 
tain good grades so you can get a six-figure job 
upon graduation. The majority of students 
interviewed for this story expressed anxiety 
about disappointing their parents, some of 


whom are spending as much as $200,000 for 
a four-year degree. Adderall boosts self- 
esteem. Irsa drug that not only helps students 
manage a complex world but also makes them 
feel good about their place in it 

"When it costs my parents $30,000 a year to 
put me through college, you can bet I'm going 
tobe stressed about getting good grades,” says 
David. “The reason I started taking Adderall 
in the first place was I thought I was going to 
getan F on a paper, and my father would have 
been pissed. My dad, who is a dentist, often 
says, “Ро you know how many teeth I have to 
pull to put you through college for a year? 


Does Adderall raise academic performance 
over time? This much is certain: Amphet- 
amine medications have been used for a brain 
boost since the Great 
Depression. As far back 
as 1987, at a Rhode 
Island mental hospita 
psychiatrist Charles 
Bradley, widely cred- 
ited with discover- 
ing ADHD, dosed 30 
learning-disabled chil- 
dren with Benzedrine 
(the original brand 
name for amphet- 
amine) and found half 
he children showed 
à spectacular im- 
provement" in school 
performance. Bradley 
had accidentally found 
that amphetamine has 
the paradoxical effect 
of calming hyperactive 
kids, enabling them to 
better concentrate on 
their class work. П 
Within a year stu- 
dent test subjects in 
psychological studies 
had spread the word 
to their friends about 
amphetamine’s effec- 
tiveness as a study aid. 
Time magazine repor 
ed that “the use of a 
new powerful but po 
sonous brain stimulant e 
called Benzedrine 
[had] college directors 
of health in dithers of 
worry" One British psychologist at the time 
claimed "students have come to cherish this 
drug as a gilt of the gods 
“There's pretty much been a 70-year use 
of amphetamine to help children do better in 
school, to concentrate and control their behav- 
ior,” says Diller. “Personally, I think Adderall 
has more of an effect on improving one's sense 
of self than improving one's performance." 
I've been studying this for years, and Im 
still not sure there'san advantage for students 
taking tests on Adderall as opposed to students 
who study in the normal way,” says Franken- 
berger: “There's good evidence that in the 
short term when children go on stimulant. 
medications, the quantity and quality of their 
work increases. There's no debating that. But 
are they learning more in the long run? The 
answer seems to be no. 


If 


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If it is a myth that Adderall and drugs 


like it are cognitive enhancers, it’s one that 
many scientists and researchers have taken 
as truth. A recent survey by Nature magazine, 
whose main readership works in science and 
academia, found roughly one in five readers 
used prescription drugs—inchuding Adderall, 
Ritalin and Provigil —to focus concentration 
and increase productivity. Pilots in the mili- 
тагу have used these drugs to stay awake and 
concentrate for long periods. The Adderall- 
on-campus issue is, in effect, the same debate 
that’s going on with steroids in professional 
sports. If the drug works, even in the short 
term, docs taking it constitute cheating? 
Should all students be allowed to take it to 
level the playing field 

“Society is rife with hypocrisy,” says Diller. 

These kids are taking these drugs for the 


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same reason athletes are taking these drugs, 
the same reason their teachers are taking these 
drugs, the same reason businessmen are tak- 
ing these drugs It's for performance enhance 
ment. We live in a competitive society that 
demands performance at all costs and equates 
material acquisition with emotional and spiri- 
tual contentment. This is a culture perfect for 
using performance enhancers. Whether they 
actually work or not is another question.” 


Susan (not her real name), 21. is a pretty 
blonde in a clingy black dress who goes 
to a well-regarded college іп upstate New 
York. It’s summertime, and we're sitting in 
a restaurant in midtown Manhattan. She 
describes her sorority life as being like Valley 
of the Dolls redux. These days there's a drug 


for every occasion—OxyContin for when 
you want to get really zoned out, Xanax for 
anxiety, Valium for relaxation and Klonopin, 
a hypnotic drug used to treat seizures, for 
a pleasantly drowsy evening when there's 
nothing better to do. But the crown jewel is 
Adderall. The drug is particularly popular 
among female students because, while they 
believe it helps with their studies, it also sup- 
presses their appetite and helps them lose 
weight. After all, it was originally created as 
Obetrol, the dict drug. (For the same rea- 
Adderall has been called “the miracle 
pill" for Hollywood celebrities trying to con- 
trol their weight.) 
"There's definitely a return to pill culture on 
campus,” says Susan, “E don't know if it’s that 
students are more scared today to experiment 
with street drugs than in the past, but part 
of the appeal of pill 
culture is the feeling 
that these drugs are 
safe and legal because 
they come from a doc- 
tor. There's still a lot 
of ecstasy and cocaine 
around, but increas- 
ingly, students prefer 
prescription drugs." 
Susan estimates well 
over half her soror- 
ity sisters have taken 
Adderall at least once. 
All sorts of students 
take the drug, she 
says, from straight- 
edge types who would 
never dream of taking 
street drugs to slack- 
ers who think they сап 
cram a term's worth of 
study into one week 
On Susan's campus lit- 
tle or no social stigma 
isattached to the drug. 
It's such a normal part 
of campus life that stu- 
dents openly pop the 
candy-colored cap- 
sules in the library, 
й even though Adderall 
is a Schedule П con- 
trolled substance, the 
possession of which 
without a prescription 
is technically punish- 
able by jail time. 

t's not even considered a 


drug anymore. 
But itis a drug, one that when taken in high 
doses can have some unhappy consequences 
Fortunately, the students who take Adderall 
are usually sensible enough to take it only 
when they think it can help them and in small 
doses—usually 20 milligrams at a time, which 
falls well below the threshold that produces 
euphoria and is unlikely to cause harm. 
Larger doses taken regularly over an 
extended time period —thar'sa different story 
Asthe legendary underground chemist Uncle 
Fester, who wrote the meth cook's bible ести 
of Methamphetamine Manufacture, once told 
me, amphetamine “makes a great short-term 
friend but a lousy long-term companion." 


128 


Grapevine 


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Constanti- 
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When traveling, 
KATE MOSS likes 
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over the 
Ws a fine idea 
P. unless you're 
iting a land that's 
99.8 percent 
"Muslim, I 
Turkey, which 
She was. Oops. 


say, 


We'd Always Have Karis 

Watch Spike Lee's Miracle at St. Anna closely and 
you may catch a glimpse of model and actress 
KARIS LANE, who has a nonspeaking part as 
refugee. Let's hope we hear from her soon 


How Much for da Two a Yas? 
Disgracing former New York governor Eliot Spitzer 
was no day at the beach for ASHLEY DUPRE (ей). 
Nice to see her having fun in the Jersey 

with a fellow hot 


What's in 
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Victoria’s Secret 


gal dubbed “the 


ABBIE MON- 
TROSE, the 
Alas hits it witha 
bow and arrow. 


haggis. Hin 
that didn't come 
out right. 


mext Month 


UFC ALL ACCESS HOST RACHELLE LEAH IS A KNOCKOUT 


ULTIMATE FEMALE—HOST OF UFC ALL ACCESS AND FORMER 
OCTAGON GIRL RACHELLE LEAH LOOKS FIERCE IN HER PLAYBOY 
PICTORIAL, THE ONLY RULE IN OUR MATCH? NO CLOTHES. 


DANIEL CRAIG—OVERCOMING SKEPTICISM ABOUT A BLOND 
BOND, CRAIG HAS CAPTURED THE FLAWED SIDE OF THE SE 
CRET AGENT BETTER THAN ANY OTHER ACTOR IN THE 007 CLUB. 
IN THE PLAYBOY INTERVIEW CRAIG TALKS WITH DAVID SHEFF 
ABOUT LOSING PART OF HIS FINGER, PORTRAYING BOND AS IAN 
FLEMING INTENDED HIM AND TRYING NOT TO COME ACROSS 
LIKE AUSTIN POWERS IN QUANTUM OF SOLACE. 


FOR YOUR EYES ONLY—A LOOK AT THE SEXIEST BOND GIRLS 
WHO HAVE TEMPTED 007, INCLUDING BARBARA BACH AND KIM 
BASINGER, PLUS: LITTLE-KNOWN FACTS ABOUT OUR FAVORITE SPY. 


SHAWNE MERRIMAN—IN 200 THE LINEBACKER NICKNAMED 
LIGHTS OUT TELLS JASON BUHRMESTER ABOUT RILING ОРРО- 
NENTS, JUDGING THE MISS USA PAGEANT AND THE CONCUSSIONS 
AND REPERCUSSIONS OF HIS INFAMOUS HIT ON PRIEST HOLMES, 


INSIDE THE OBAMA PHENOMENON WRITER WILL BLYTHE 
INTRODUCES US TO LAMONT CAROLINA, A POOR BLACK 20- 
SOMETHING WITH АМ ABSENT FATHER AND А MOTHER WHO DIDN'T 
EXACTLY PUSH HIM, HE WAS, BY HIS OWN ADMISSION, GOING NO- 
WHERE—UNTIL HE HEARD BARACK OBAMA SPEAK. THAT TRAN- 


HIS ENTHUSIASM IS CONTAGIOUS. A VOLUNTEER TELLS WHY. 


JAMES BOND'S QUANTUM OF KICKASS, 


SCENDENT MOMENT CHANGED THE WAY HE OPERATED IN THE 
WORLD: THANKS TO THE DEMOCRATIC CANDIDATE, HE'S NOW A 
YOUNG CAMPAIGN WORKER FIRED UP ABOUT POLITICS. 


FALL VIDEO-GAME GUIDE—OUR ANNUAL SURVEY REVEALS THAT 
АМЕ UNPRECEDENTED CONTROL OVER THEIR EXPERI- 
NHETHER COMPETING WITH ONE ANOTHER ON FACEBOOK, 
BUILDING WORLDS IN LITTLEBIGPLANET, EVOLVING A LIFE-FORM 
IN SPORE OR WRITING MUSIC IN GUITAR HERO: WORLD TOUR. 


THE SEXUAL MALE, PART FIVE—IT HAS BEEN HANGING AROUND 
SINCE BEFORE YOU WERE BORN, BUT HOW WELL DO YOU KNOW. 
YOUR PENIS? IN PART FIVE OF HIS SERIES EXPLORING THE SCIENCE 
OF MALE SEXUAL DEVELOPMENT, THE PLAYBOY ADVISOR, CHIP 
ROWE, EXAMINES WHAT RESEARCHERS HAVE DISCOVERED ABOUT 
THIS FLEXIBLE, STRONG AND—YES, IT'S TRUE—SUPERSIZED ORGAN. 


THE WRAITH—IN FICTION BY J. ROBERT LENNON THE BUSH 
ADMINISTRATION HAS BECOME TOO MUCH FOR ONE WOMAN 
TO HANDLE, SHE CASTS HER GLOOM INTO A SPECTER THAT 
ROAMS HER BEDROOM WHILE SHE IS AT WORK. CAN HER 
HUSBAND SATISFY THEM BOTH? 


PLUS: THE WHITE TIE AFFAIR DRESSES UP, PLAYMATES PICK 
THE PRESIDENT, AND NOTHING IS SEXIER THAN A WOMAN WITH 
TWO FIRST NAMES: MEET MISS NOVEMBER GRACE KIM. 


Playboy (ISSN 00 8), October 2008, volume 55, n 
North Lake Shore Drive, Chicago, Illinois 6061 L. Peric 
dian Publications Mail Sales Product 
182 Playboy, РО. Box 2007, Harlan, Iowa 


Published monthly by Playboy in national and regional editions, Playboy, 680 
age paid at Chicago, Illinois and at additional mail 
ns: in the US, or 19 issues. Postmaster: Send address change to 


questions, call 800-000-4438, or e-mail circi ny playboy.com. 


offices, Canada Post Cana- 


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