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You never forget 


elcome to the global village. Coun- 
\ = helping countries. We are the 
world. This month we bring you an 
issue with a remarkably international flavor. 
Of course, we still believe in American excep- 
tionalism: is so exceptional, 
we've put her on the cover, photographed 
there and inside by A 
shooter who has redefined sexy for the 21st 
century, Richardson has a much-copied style 
that manages to recall the 1980s while 
looking utterly modern. (If nothing else, it 
provided our art director with an excuse to 
dig up some totally rad fonts.) Also featured 

this month is Becoming Attraction 
a pinup from Poland, and Playmate 

of the Year (shot by 

), the first Centerfold in PLAYBOY his- 
tory to be born in Africa, No, Ljungqvist is 
not an African name—Ida, who has lived in 
more than a dozen countries, is the product 
of a Swedish father and a Tanzanian mother. 
It's not only the naked babes who are span- 
ning the globe: In Forum we hear from 
а Croatian novelist liv- 


ing in Amsterdam, who has a message of 
cautious hope about the global economy. 
And we so liked Swiss-born 
's paint- 
ing for our De- 
cember issue (for 
anarticle by Gary 
Hart), we brought 
him back to illus- 
trate the short 
story Lovely Rita 
by 
Lest you think 
the pages within. 
are written in 
Esperanto, rest 
assured there's plenty here that is truly 
American. Meloy's tale, for instance, is 
about a young woman trying to cope in а 
small Connecticut town in the shadow of 
а nuclear reactor. In Soul Man, 
the foremost expert on Memphis 
music, profiles godfa- 
ther of Memphis soul. Jones used to play 
with an outfit called the MGs—maybe 
you've heard of them. This month's fash- 
ion feature sees Phillies shortstop 
decked out in hot summer duds, and 
our 20Qiswith the sports agent 
who makes sure the best players are suit- 
ably overcompensated. shares 
the inside scoop on that good old American 
pastime, swinging, in Hot. Digital. Sexual. Un- 
derground, and modern dean 
of noir fiction, that good old American genre, 
delves deeper into his own tangled sexual 
history in part two of The Hilliker Curse. Miss 
June a farmer's daughter 
from Ohio, is so red, white and blue we fig- 
ured we'd run her up the flagpole and see 
who salutes, and comely columnist 
has written a penetrating essay 
on that oldest of border disputes, anal sex. Fi- 
nally, there's Playboy Interview subject 
a California kid with a French name 
who has played Indiana Jones's son and Me- 
gan Fox's boyfriend (twice). Only in America. 


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VOL. 56, NO. 6-JUNE 2009 


PLAYBOY 


FEATURES 
48 THE HILLIKER CURSE 


In the second installment of his four-part 
memoir, author JAMES ELLROY kicks booze, 
gets published and continues his hunt for 
lasting lust and love. 
52 WET HOT AMERICAN 
SUMMER 
We look at things that make our favorite 
season sizzle, including shades, boats, new 
trends and, especially, sun-kissed beauties. 
56 SOUL MAN 
Booker T. Jones is famed for the Memphis 
soul he made in the 19605. ROBERT GORDON 
faces the legend's great new music. 
80 THE PLAYBOY BAR: RUM 
Yo-ho-ho! Things are tasting tropical around 
Nothing has done more to realize the promise of the sexual revolution than the Internet, | here as we get insane with the sugarcane, 
Which makes meeting potential partners easier. DAVID BLACK walks on the wild side 
with some sexual adventurers during his intimate foray into the L.A. swinging scene. INTERVIEW 
31 SHIA LABEOUF 


Like the giant robots he shares the screen 
with in the Transformers movies, there is 
more to LaBeouf than meets the eye. 
DAVID HOCHMAN chats with the disarm- 
ingly frank young actor. 


72 SCOTT BORAS 
Boras hits it out of the park for KEVIN 
COOK as baseball's "avenging 


defends his hardball tactics and his stable 
of well-paid players, 


FICTION 
82 LOVELY RITA 


In MAILE MELOY's elegiac tale of the demise 
of small-town America, a dead man's girl 
becomes a surprising raffle prize after а 
fatal freak accident at a plant. 


COVER STORY 

COVER STORY sss 
IDA er ee 

en 

ee 
LJUNGQVIST DICES II. 

сс 224 

НЯ 


VOL. 56, NO. 6-JUNE 2009 


CONTENTS 


6 


GOD BLESS AMERICA 
Feeling patriotic? Get ready to salute 
actress and singer Ameríca Olivo, the 
star of the much-buzzed-about movie 
Bitch Slap. 


PLAYMATE: 
CANDICE CASSIDY 
Saddle up alongside Miss June as this 
Midwest farmer's daughter horses 
around and makes you feel all right. 

PMOY: IDA LJUNGQVIST 
She is fluent in several languages, has 
lived in more countries than most of 
us will visit in our lifetime and has a 
goddess's looks that could smooth 
over any foreign relations. Talk about 
global appeal: Ida Ljungavist is the 
50th Playmate of the Year. 


76 


Phillies shortstop Jimmy Rollins is а 
smooth major league player who 
comes out swinging in cool summer 
fashions. 


60 PLAYMATE 


CANDICE CASSI 


THE WORLD OF PLAYBOY 

Hef, Paris Hilton and other stars help puaysor cover 
model Aubrey O'Day celebrate her 25th birthday; 
Holly Madison cuts a rug on Dancing With the Stars. 

HANGIN' WITH HEF 
Life is a party for Hef. See him tie one on next to 
his sweethearts, with Playmates and celebrities like 
Brody Jenner, Brigitte Nielsen, Santonio Holmes 
and more. 

PLAYMATE NEWS 
Jayde Nicole fights cancer with her charity, Lengths 
for Love; the British Royal Opera House plans a 
production based on Anna Nicole Smith's Ме. 


A POSTCARD FROM 
EUROPE 
reports political 
apathy and a deficit of social imagina- 
tion are on the rise in Europe. 
DREAD PIRATE 
catches up with Jared 
Bowser, one of the first people ргозе- 
cuted for music-file sharing. 


PLAYBILL 
DEAR PLAYBOY 
AFTER HOURS 
REVIEWS 
MANTRACK 

SE 
PLAYBOY ADVISOR 
PARTY JOKES 
GRAPEVINE 


PLAYBOY.COM 


We hit beaches 
on both coasts, in Hawaii and (yes) in 
the Midwest to find America's best 
surf spots and rate the top 20 waves. 
Get 

out and get down at our picks for the 
top 20 places to have sex in public. 

You'll bend in ways you nev- 
er thought possible after watching our 
limber yoga instructor's video classes. 

Playmate Pilar Lastra test- 
drives some of the world's great cars in 
her new video series. 


Check out ex- 
tended coverage of the PMOY bash 
in Las Vegas. 


PRINTED IN U.S.A. 


© 2009 Idello Labs, Ltd. 


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HUGH М. HEFNER 
editor-in-chief 


JIMMY JELLINEK 
editorial director 
STEPHEN RANDALL deputy editor 
ROB WILSON art director 
GARY COLE photography director 
A.J. BAIME, LEOPOLD FROEHLICH executive editors 
AMY GRACE LOYD executive literary editor 
DAVID PFISTER managing editor 


EDITORIAL 
FEATURES: cue Rowe senior editor FASHION: JENNIFER RYAN JONES editor; CONOR HOGAN assistant editor 
FORUM: пмотну мона associate editor MODERN LIVING: SCOTT ALEXANDER senior editor 
STAFF: ROBERT в. DE SALVO senior editor; JOSH ROBERTSON associate editor; ROCKY RAKOVIC assistant 
editor; VIVIAN COLON, GILBERT MACIAS editorial assistants CARTOONS: JENNIFER THIELE (new york), 
AMANDA WARREN (los angeles) editorial coordinators COPY: WINIFRED ORMOND copy chief; CAMILLE. 
AUT associate copy chief; DAVID DELE JOSEPH WESTERFIELD сору editors RESEARCH: MICHAEL 
marassa deputy research chief: RON MOTTA senior research editor; BRYAN ABRAMS, CORINNE CUMMINGS, 
SETH FIEGERMAN research editors EDITORIAL PRODUCTION: VALERIE THOMAS manager 
CONTRIBUTING EDITORS: MARK BOAL (writer at large), KEVIN BUCKLEY, SIMON COOPER, 
GRETCHEN EDGREN, KEN GROSS, DAVID HOCHMAN, WARREN KALBACKER, ARTHUR KRETCHMER (automotive), 
JONATHAN LITTMAN, JOE MORGENSTERN, JAMES R. PETERSEN, STEPHEN REBELLO, DAVID RENSIN, 
JAMES ROSEN, DAVID SHEFF, DAVID STEVENS, ROB TANNENBAUM, JOHN D. THOMAS, ALICE K. TURNER 


CHRISTOPHER NAPOLITANO editor at large 


ART 
SCOTT ANDERSON, BRUCE HANSEN, CHET SUSKI Senior art directors; 
PAUL CHAN senior art assistant; STEFANI COLE senior art administrator 


PHOTOGRAPHY 
STEPHANIE MORRIS west coast editor; JIM LARSON managing editor; PATTY BEAUDET-FRANCES 
‚senior editor-entertainment; кеуім kuster senior editor, playboy.com; MATT STEIGBIGEL associate editor; 
KRYSTLE JOHNSON, RENAY LARSON, BARBARA LEIGH assistant editors; ARNY FREYTAG, STEPHEN WAYDA 
senior contributing photographers; GEORGE ceonciov staff photographer; JAMES IMBROGNO, 
RICHARD IZUL MIZUNO, BYRON NEWMAN, GEN NISHINO, JARMO POHJANIENI, 

DAVID RAMS contributing photographers; BONNIE JeAN KENNY manager, photo archives; 


KEVIN cRAIG manager, imaging lab; MARIA HAGEN stylist 


LOUIS В. МОНМ publisher 


ADVERTISING 
вов EISENHARDT associate publisher; JOHN LUMPKIN associate publisher, digital; HELEN RIANCULLL 
executive director, direct-response advertising; маме FIRNENO advertising operations director 
NEW YORK: Jessie CLARY category sales manager-fashion; sneri WARNKE southeast manager 
CHICAGO: LAUREN KINDER midwest sales manager LOS ANGELES: COREY SPIEGEL west coast manager; 
LEXI BUDGE west coast account executive DETROIT: STEVE ROUSSEAU detroit manager 
SAN FRANCISCO: ко MEAGHER northwest manager 


MARKETING 
LISA NATALE associate publisher/marketing; STEPHEN MURRAY marketing services director; 
DANA ROSENTHAL events marketing director; CHRISTOPHER SHOOLIS research director; 
DONNA TAYOSO creative services director 


PUBLIC RELATIONS 
LAUREN MELONE division senior vice president; PHIL DITANNI, ROB HILBURGER publicity directors 


PRODUCTION 


JODY JURGETO production director; DEBBIE тилоо associate manager; 
CHAR KROWCZYK, BARB TEKIELA assistant managers; BILL BENWAY, SIMMIE WILLIAMS prepress 


CIRCULATION 
PHYLLIS ROTUNNO circulation director; SHANTHI SREENIVASAN single-copy director 


ADMINISTRATIVE 
marcia TERRONES rights & permissions director 


INTERNATIONAL PUBLISHING 
DAVID WALKER editorial director; MARKUS GRINDEL marketing manager 


PLAYBOY ENTERPRISES INTERNATIONAL, INC. 
вов MeveRs president, media 


ТНЕ [8 РЕАУВ 


HEF SIGHTINGS, MANSION FROLICS AND NIGHTLIFE NOTES 


O'DAY'S BIG NIGHT 

Aubrey O'Day celebrated her 28th birthday and her March puszor cover on the same night 
atthe Apple Lounge. Hef and his girlfriends Karissa and Kristina Shannon and Crystal Harris 
hosted the party at the West Hollywood hot spot, where George Maloof and Miss October 
2008 Kelly Carrington (right) also shared а drink. Paris Hilton and Рега Nemcova stopped 
by to party with Aubrey (below right), who was recently kicked out of Danity Kane. As she 
puts it, “I'm a public example of being fired іп 2008 and making the most of it in 2009!" 


ш, 


A JAZZY PAIR Ej HEF AND SCARLETT FOR THE OSCARS 
Quincy Jones helped Hef г Honoring Не! as a film buff, the Academy Awards 
announce the 2009 Playboy М included him in a two-minute teaser for the 81st 
Jazz Festival at the Man- i А Oscars. The trailer included the thoughts о! 59 other 
sion. On hand to dazzle cinema enthusiasts (including Scarlett Johansson, 
guosts was Jones's new ' who stayed to say hello after the taping). The Man 
protégé, Alfredo Rodriguez, deftly described the influence movies had on his 
whom Jones described childhood as “the stuff that dreams are made of." 
as having "the potential to k 
be one of the most prolific 
pianists of the 21st centu- 
ту” Rodriguez will appear 
along with Kenny G, Patti 
Austin, Jon Faddis, Sharon 
Jones & the Dap-Kings and 
the Neville Brothers at the 
Hollywood Bowl in June. 


HOLLY DANCES WITH 
THE STARS 
Holly Madison put on her 
dancing shoes for ABC's 
Dancing With the Stars. 
Ё Holly (a last-minute sub- 
stitute for Jewel) and her 
partner, Dmitry Chaplin, got 
off to a slow start with the 
cha-cha and the quickstep. 
Then she sustained injuries 
along the way, and they 
were eliminated in the sev- 
"A enth episode. If only they 
Holly & Dmin had tried the Bunny he 
1500-86873 T 


TIT НЕЕ 


Life's one "ig m series of big parties—in the 
world of Playboy. (1) The Karma Foundation threw 
Kandyland кос at the Mansion with the 
suppor of Hefand his sweethearts Karissa and 
Kristina Shannon and Crystal Harris. (2) Play- 
mates Candice Cassidy, Crystal McCahill and 
Hope Dworaczyk joined the festivities. (3) For 
the release of Steven Watts's book Mr. Playboy, 
z dropped by PMW to interview 
Шем; Man or the E! network. (4) Hef and Bri- 
gitte Nielsen at Movie Night at the Mansion. 
(5) Cristal Camden, PMOY 2008 Jayde Nicole, 
Holly Madison and Miss October 2008 Kelly. 
Carrington at Bowling for Boobies. (6) Super 
Bowl MVP Santonio Holmes and Hef. (7) 
Hef and Crystal on Academy Awards night 
at PMW. (8) Karissa and Kristina with 
Dolce and Coco Chanel all dolled up to 
watch the Oscars. (9) Playmates Markéta 
Jánská, Nicole Narain, Kayla Collins and 
, Ida Ljungqvist. (10) Hef, Crystal, Jayde 
and Brody Jenner at the party for Jayde's 
charity, Lengths for Love. (11) Hef meets 
Kendra Wilkinson's fiancé, Hank Baskett. 
(12) Hef and his girlfriends celebrate 
Paris Hilton's 28th birthday. 


ROCK HEAVY 

1 enjoyed Playboy's Music Awards 2009 
(March), but what's up with the shots at 
Cleveland? First you ask, “Is Cleveland 
afraid of real rock?” because the Rock 
and Roll Hall of Fame hasn't nominated 
Judas Priest, Iron Maiden, Def Leppard 
or Motley Crue. Then you blast the 
museum for not inducting Rush. The 
reason the hall is located in Cleveland, 
and the reason the annual induction 
ceremony is returning this year after a 
decade in New York, is our long-standing 
tradition of supporting all rock music, 
especially hard rock. Ask Ian "Cleveland 
Rocks" Hunter what he thinks of the city, 
or ask Metallica, which has sold out every 
show it has ever played here. Your criti- 
cism is the equivalent of blaming Canton, 
Ohio for excluding players from the Pro 
Football Hall of Fame. 


Robin Kooper 
Cleveland, Ohio 


Thank you for inducting Rush into your 
Hall of Fame. Unlike bands that stay in 
the news because of gimmicks, arrests and. 
stints in rehab, Rush has had continued. 
success because of ical prowess. As 
it sings in 7 "Nowhere is the 
dreamer or the misfit so alone." 
Christopher Bailey 
Huntington Beach, California 


How awesome to see a real rock band 
like Motley Crue grace the pages of your 
monumental magazine (Rock the Rabbit, 
March). With your shared interest in great 
parties, cars and women, the Сгие and 
мувоу complement each other well 

Jeff Homan 


Gladstone, Missouri 


DAVID AND TED 

My husband has been a subscriber for 
more than 30 years. While he enjoys the 
photos, I often find myself reading a 
good portion of the magazine. I thought 
My Brother Ted was poignant and s 
silively written. Despite his brother's 
horrible deeds, David Kaczynski is able 
to portray Ted's humanity. The deep 
friendship Kaczynski developed with 
one of his brother's victims is particularly 
moving. In contrast to this profound arti- 
cle is the profile of former Danity Kane 
star Aubrey O'Day (Backstage With Aubrey 
ODay), who says her goal in life is to give 
a guy "the best sex he has ever had, the 
sex he'll never be able to get out of his 
head." So the March issue went from the. 
highest morality and ideals to the lowest. 
You offer something for everyone! 

Linda Appelbaum 
Florissant, Colorado 

We're not so sure about your judgment on 

this one—Aubrey deserves sainthood. 


MUSICAL COMEDY MEN 

You could not have chosen a better duo 
to interview than Flight of the Conchords 
(20Q, March). Their song “Ladies of the 


DEAR PLAYBOY 


1 Knew Him When 


Kudos to David Kaczynski for his 
brave reflections on growing up with the 
troubled soul who would become the 
Unabomber (My Brother Ted, March). In 
retrospect it seems Ted's motivation for 
his spree was to destroy his parents for 
turning him into a brilliant social invalid. 
In that sense, his 35,000-word manifesto, 
shich he insisted be published to end the 
killings, is a rationalization for not blow- 
ingup Mom and Dad. There is no doubt 
David's heroic decision to put humanity 
over fraternity saved liv 

Gary Pru: 

Long Beach, California 
e its publication in PLAYBOY, Kac- 
zynski’s memoir has appeared in Brothers: 
26 Stories of Love and Rivalry, an anthol- 
ogy edited by Andrew Blauner. 


World" could be the муво anthem: “Just 
wanna do something special for all the 
ladies in the world./] wanna get next to 
you, show you some gratitude/By makin’ 
love to you—it's the least we can do." 
Erica Zimmermann 
San Jose, California 


SUGAR KANE 
Aubrey O'Day. ..wow. Since seeing her 
pictorial, I've had some restless nights. 
Mark Whytsell 
Millersburg, Ohio 


J. Lo and Kim K., sit down. There's a 
new booty queen in town. 
Bill Shore 
Cortez, Colorado 


“I want to be in love so badly.” Us tool 


Congratulations are in order to pho- 
tographers Markus Klinko and Indrani 
on their fantastic cover shot. They trans- 
formed Aubrey into a golden goddess. 
Daniel Perez 
Silex, Missouri 


SILENT TREATMENT 
If your reporter George Prochnik had 
been truly interested in understand- 
ing boom-car culture (Boom Car Boom, 
March), he would have contacted victims 
of noise pollution—people who suffer 
from chronic fatigue, mental aggrava- 
tion, hearing loss and sleeplessness, as 
well as those who have had to abandon 
their homes because of boom cars shak- 
ing them. Instead, he presents boom-car 
owners as misunderstood youths and 
antinoise activists as cranks, dismissing 
our organization, for example, as little 
more than ап online discussion group 
that trades a lot of “lathery bile" which 
is not only inaccurate but a cheap shot. In 
fact, we have 52 chapters in 27 states that 
work with police and the media to com- 
bat excessive noise. The idea that some 
people are born to love booming bass 
while others prefer peace and quiet, as if 
there were a moral equivalence between 
the two, is laughable. People who are 
silent do no harm to others. Those who 
crank out incredible levels of noise cause 
a great deal of damage. 
Ted Rueter 
Madison, Wisconsin 
Rueter is director of Noise Free America 
(noisefree.org). NFA recently called on the 
Obama administration to reestablish the fed- 
eral Office of Noise Abatement and Control. 


Boom-car owners insist they have а 
right to blast music but show no respect. 
for the vast majority of the population 
that doesn't share their reckless enthusi- 
asm. Car-stereo manufacturers encour- 
age boomers: Sony urges buyers to 

Disturb the peace,” Pioneer's motto is 
“Disturb, defy, disrupt, ignite,” and JBL 
states, "Either we love bass or hate your 


u 


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neighbors.” Such marketing should be 
more carefully scrutinized by state and 
federal officials. The overwhelming evi- 
dence that overexposure to excessive 
sound leads to hearing loss forecasts a 
time when boom-car owners will burden 
us with the health-care costs associated 
with their disability 

Richard Tur 

Arline Bronzaft 

New York, New York 

Tur is the founder of NoiseOFF (noiseoff 

.org). Bronzaft, a retired psychology professor, 
has studied the health effecis of noise. 


1 fear your article glorifying boom cars 
will only inspire more people to create 
them. I frequently receive e-mails from 
people who are desperate for relief from 
noise generated by self-centered jerks. 
‘Thankfully, many cities are beefing up 
their noise ordinances. In the U.K., rej 
ulations banning antisocial behavior have 
allowed police to crush the boom cars of 
so-called boy racers. 

Ron Czapala 

Louisville, Kentucky 

Cxapala is founder of NoBoomers.com. 


I submitted the online post Prochnik 
describes as typical of antinoise activists 
who object to boom cars. In referring to 
boom thugs as "human garbage,” I meant 
to suggest they take and give nothing 
back. My recommendation that boomers 
should be “shot and fed to wolves” may 
have been over-the-top, but it reflects the 
frustration many of us feel. All we ask for 
isa little common sense. 

Jim Tarantino 

Stockton, California 


Boom cars can be breathtaking—liter- 
ally. In 2004 my colleagues and I reported 
in the journal Thorax the cases of four 
adolescents who suffered spontaneous 
lung collapse as a result of exposure to 
very loud music, which can cause sudden 
and violent shifts in air pressure. Three of 
the young men had positioned themselves 
next to loudspeakers at concerts, and the 
fourth experienced sudden pain and 
breathlessness while testing a new 1,000- 
watt stereo installed in his trunk. 

Dr. Marc Noppen 
University Hospital UZ Brussel 
Brussels, Belgium 


LOVE SONG 
Playmate Jennifer Pershing is not only 
gorgeous, she's a fan of the Dave Mat- 
thews Band (Rock n Roll „ March). 
What a combo! As Matthews sings in his 
song "Crash Into Me," “You wear noth- 
ing, but you wear it so well." 
Lenny Stone 
Venice, Florida 


JESSICA OR ASHLEE? 

"That sure looks like Ashlee Simpson— 
not her sister, Jessica—on page 43 of the 
March issue (Playboy's Sexiest Celebrities) 


However, my wife thinks it’s Jessica. Let's 
get the sisters together in à pictorial to 
make a positive ID. 

Vance Byram 

Grand Junction, Colorado 

Well work on that, but we can assure you 

it’s Jessica. Tony Duran has posted a few other 
photos from his shoot at tonyduran.net. 


ROCK HEAVIER 
‘Antoine Verglas doesa masterful job cap- 

turing singer Maria Brink's curves while 
hinting at her many tattoos by having a few 
poke out from under her sleeve (“Весот- 
ing Attraction,” After Hours, March). Maria 
has one of the most powerful voices in the 
industry, but it’s nice to see her in some- 
thing other than a music rag. 

Paul Cicero 

Hartford, Connecticut 


I was wondering when you would real- 
ize the metal scene is a hotbed of gor- 
geous women. How about a Mistresses 


of Metal pictorial with Brink, C 
Scabbia of Lacuna Coil, Angela Gossow 
of Arch Enemy, Simone Simons of Epica, 
Francine Boucher of Echoes of Eternity 
and Sharon den Adel of Within Tempta- 
tion? Horns to you, PLAYBOY. 

Joe Jacklin 

Grants Pass, Oregon 


GUNS, ROSES, BUTTER, EGGS 
Duff McKagan, formerly of Guns N’ 
Roses, offers some great no-nonsense 
financial advice in the March issue (‘Just 
a Little Patience,” Success). His views are 
a refreshing departure from the doom- 
and-gloom rantings of “Chicken Little” 
Democrats. And they accused George W. 
Bush of spending like a drunken sailor! 
Art Zaldivar 
Austin, Texas 


You never know where you'll find wis- 
dom, so I am open to getting good advice 
from anyone at any time. Thanks, Duff, 
for sharing your lessons learned. 

Greg Bowers 

Fort Wayne, Indiana 


Email via the web at LETTERS.PLAYBOY.COM Or write: 680 NORTH LAKE SHORE DRIVE, CHICAGO, ILLINOIS 60611 


PLAY TO PARTY @ 
THE PLAYBOY MANSION... 


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BECOMING ATTRACTION 


Iga Wyrwal 


In 2008 Poland's Iga (or Eva) 
Wyrwal emerged from obsourity 
to conquer U.K. newsstands, mak- 
ing Nuts magazine's Best New 
Boobs and Biggest New Boobs 
lists and being named Sexiest 
Topless Babe of the Year. “Basi- 
cally, British men are all about 
boobs," she says. More than just a 


| pretty pair, Iga is venturing into 
acting, in the horror film Dread. "T 
to describe my worst night- 

ire,” she recalls, "which is that 
eone has kidnapped me, out 


| { "Basically, 
Ж British men 
, are all 
about boobs” 


FTER HOURS 


Art 


Killer 
Photography 


There's nothing superficial 
about British artist Niok 
Veasey. He shoots photos 
using X-rays powerful enough 
to penetrate his subjects, 
revealing a sort of naked truth 
about them. Subjects are 
exposed for five full minutes 
to X-rays four times more 
powerful than those used in 
hospitals. See more of 
Veasey's work and order his 
book at nickveasey.com. 
Gunman 


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Why We 
Love т Don't Try This. 
YouTube Really. Don't 


PMSbuddy.com Is the world's first online. 
PMS reminder. When your girlfriend Is 
approaching that time of the month, the 
site will e-mail you a reminder so you'll 
know to buy flowers or shut up when 
you're belng spoken to. More than 
150,000 people have already signed 
up. I's free, and here's а little bonus: 
The service allows you to track the 


е ДЬ Ttwas 40years ago 

this month—June 7, 

1969, to be exact— 

that ABC debuted 

The Johnny Cash 

Show, fllmed at the Grand Ole Opry. Among the 

dozens of Cash Show clips on YouTube are sur- 

prises like the Man In Black dueting with Jon! 

Mitchell on “Long Black Vel!” and Ray Charles's 

take on “Ring of Flre"—though It's hard to say A ИНАЯ іг cheating In a place where you don’t want to 

anything beats Cash and Dylan doing “Girl s be caught cheating. It's unwise. It's illegal. 
From the North Country" (above). Its a felony. Avallable at the ITunes store. 


Counting cards Ina casino Isn't 
Шеда!. Using any kind of device 
to count cards In a casino Is 
egal. So you definitely don't 
want to mess with the IPhone 
app BlackJack Card Counter. You can set It to 
run on stealth mode, which allows you to oper- 
ate the card counter with your hand while 
keeping the IPhone tucked In your pocket. Yes, 


Consider yourself a connoisseur of the mobster- 
movie genre? Take note: The best Mafia flick to 
come out in years stars no one you know (Salvatore 

Simone Sacohettino) and hi ely 
made it onto the big soreen in the States. Gomorrah 
an Italian film about the Neapolitan Mafia, called 


is based on the sensational nonfiotion book of 
the same name, written by an Italian journalist with 
a giant sacco, named Roberto Saviano. The film won 
the Grand Prix at Cannes last year. A DVD version 
with English subtitles is available in the U.K., and 
some cable services offer the film on demand. If 
you're the type to spout GoodFellas lines in bars, 
find a way to catch this one. 


Employee of 
the Month = 


PLAYBOY: How do we 


pronounce your name? 

Like the fruit. t 
PLAYBOY: Sweet. What 
is it that you do? is 


T'matrip coordi- 
nator. I schedule flights | (, У 
for rich people at a pri- |, 

vate hangar. 


- PLAYBOY: So when they - 
come to your office... 
No, it's all done t 
over the phone. I don't i 
Alexander’s meetthe clients. 2 


Law: When а PLAYBOY: You mean they 
new technology don't use a pretty girl like 
is introduced, you to drum up business? ] 
someone will I guess they b 


try to fuck it. | don't need to. It's great 
Adler Misrosoft forme. I can just roll out | 
of bed, throw on sweat- 3 


exor Live, pants and head to work. 


where anyone PLAYBOY: Well, you do 


Сап create an һауе а sexy phone voice 
Xbox game, and a cute name. 
ь one of the first [ Atleast my name = 
i s was the isn'tsomething boring like 
Drink of the Month mewüsh) Rum- Sarah. I like having this 
ble Massage, crazy name. Thanks, Dad! 
which turns PLAYBOY: Craziest thing A 
your joystick С 9 эл. 
Hats off to Hesperus Press for rereleasing How to Mix Drinks, or | уты Joystick youive done? 
the Bon Vivant's Companion: The Bartender's Guide by Jerry | control vibra. Sex on the beach. 
"The Professor" Thomas. Published during the Civil War, twas | tor. She holds PLAYBOY: In the sand? 
the first mixologist's guide to appear in America. The Profssig- | it; you control Nope. Cheri оп 
nature drink, part cocktail and part circus act: the buzz. top. t 71 


Blue Blazer Use two large silver-plated mugs with 


Fra handles. Put the whiskey in one and 
225 ок. ошен the water in the other. Ignite the whis- 


on sugar. Water кеу, and asit blazes, mix both ingredi- Sex 
lemon pest ents by pouring them from one mug to The Real 
the other. It will appear as a stream of f 
blue liquid fire. Sweeten with sugar Thing 
and garnish with lemon peel. Serve in 
а four-ounce stemmed mug. Sasha Grey, who 


plays the lead in 
Steven Soderbergh's 


B 
a working porn star. 
Sasha won a 2007 
AVN Award (porn's 
equivalent of an 
Oscar) for Best 
Three-Way Sex 
Scene (in the film 
Fuck Slaves) and 
2008 AVN Awards 
for Best Oral Sex 
Scene (Babysitters) 
and Female Per- 
former of the Year. 
And...action! 


At his day job Andy Green is a fighter 
Faster pilot in the British Royal Air Force; he 
Thana spends his spare time busting the world 
j land speed record, which he currently 
Speeding | мі at 763 mph. He is now building à 
Bullet new jet-powered car, called the Blood- 
hound SSC (the mock-up is pictured 
above), which in 2011 will cart him at a 
speed of more than 1,000 mph. If Green 
pulls it off, he'll travel faster than a bullet 

leaving the barrel of a .357 Magnum. 


REVIEWS 


Movie of the Month 
Terminator 


Salvation 
By 


tephen Rebello 


In the postapocalyptic sci-fi epic Terminator 
Salvation, resistance fighter John Connor 
(Christian Bale) leads the charge in humanity's 
battle against an onslaught of unstoppable 
Terminators in the year 2018. Director MoS 
and company attempt to combine cutting- 
edge special effects with a gripping story line 
to match the three previous Terminator 
movies, as well as TV's Terminator: The 
Sarah Connor Chronicles. This fourth film 
also stars Helena Bonham Carter, Bryce Da 

las Howard, Moon Bloodgood, Anton Yelchin 
and Linda Hamilton, who reprises her role as 
Sarah Connor via voice-over, “Christian and I 
were never interested in making just an 
action movie," says McG. "We wanted to 
honor the mythology of Terminator and make 
a film with beautiful story arcs and a theme 
that has haunted people ever since Robert 
Oppenheimer popped the genie out of the 


od: The Complete 

cason The Immortals walk 
among us on this HBO bayou- 
based bloodsucker series. Their 
thirst now quenchable with syn- 
thetic blood, the vampires come 
ош of the coffin, and one named 
BILL (Stephen Moyer) falls for 
mind-reading dive-bar waitress 
Sookle (Anna Paquin). This epi- 
soderun is sexy, funny and fright- 
ening. Б Blu-ray 
“enhanced” viewing mode serves 
up picture-In-plcture back- 
ground. (BD) VY Y^ —aregFagan 


E augen MET T 
, re sx 


PEZ d, 


bottle when he fused the atom: Could the 
very thing that makes us great also be our 
undoing?" The director says at heart the new 
movie is "a thinly veiled cautionary tale" that 
poses "ethical questions.” We'll be back. 


with this four-hour director's 


cut of the Oscar-winning 1970 
documentary, Including never- 
seen footage of groups like the 

ho and Jefferson Airplane. 


extra: Hef Interviews dF 


rector Mike Wadleigh on a 1970. 
episode of Playboy After Dark. 


(80) ¥¥¥¥ 


shape, hypoglycemic mall secu- 
rity guard tries to take down a 
team of lithe ninja-like credit- 
card hackers In this surprise box- 
office hit. The plot Is ludicrous, 
but Kevin James gets points for 
giving his tovable loser some 
heart, spunk and Rock Band 
skills. Best extra: Behind-the- 
scenes footage with pro ВМХ 
biker Mike "Rooftop" Escamilla. 
(БО)ҰҰЯ | —BryanReesman 


—stacie Hougiana 


It's Denzel Washington vs. 
hijackers in The Taking of Pelham 1 2 
Woody Allen decides to do Whatever Work 
Jack Black gets biblical in Year One. 


Tease Frame 


In Niagara Motel Anna Friel plays a recovering addict losing 
her grip on sobriety—and her clothes— in а seedy locale. See 
her next opposite Will Ferrell as she grapples with giant rep- 
tiles in Land of the Lost. In this not-so-kiddie remake of the 
Sid and Marty Krofft Saturday-morning series, Friel plays a 
more mature Holly than her 1970s counterpart. 


Also т Gaming... 


(360, PC, PS3) Far too many rac- 
ing games take themselves far too seri- 
ously, Which is not to say Fuel is silly, just 
thatit understands what most guys want 
out of a car game: instant white-knuckle 
action, entertaining courses and а learn- 
ing curve that's more party school than 
driver's ed. ¥¥¥ —Scott Alexander 


Music 


(360, PC, PS3) Thanks to 
nervous developers, most superhero 
games err on the side of timidity. We're 
happy to say the brutality here is tumed 
up to 1]. With an engaging, intuitive play 
style and a movie-inspired story line that 
keeps things humming along, ¡ts the best 
X-Men game yet. Yyy% — —Damon Brown 


Fanfare for the Common Man 


As the frontman of Pulp, Jarvis Cocker be- 
came the poet Laureate of Britpop with his 
tragicomic chronicles of English rust-belt 
life packed into rousing anthems like "Com- 
mon People" and "Disco 2000.” Now he's 
back with the new Steve Albini-produced 
solo album Further Complications. 

You lived through grim times 
during the Thatcher years as the coal 
mines closed in the region where you grew. 
up. What's different during this downtum? 
COCKER: Yeah, I was living in Yorkshire 
when the pit closures were happening. I 
regret now that I didn't get involved in the 
protests. At the time, I thought political en- 
gagement gave legitimacy to the powers. 
that be, that it was better to find an alterna- 
tive lifestyle than to fight the one that exists. 
In fighting it, you kind of acknowledge its 
right to exist. I was apolitical in those days; 
nowadays I think you do have to engage. 


You've often made sociopoliti- 
cal observations part of your songwriting 
Is this crisis providing material? 
COCKER: I'm wary because it doesn't 
affect me directly Ive gone all middle- 
class. The idea of my getting upset about 
job losses is an abstract thing. So Ive 
gone shallow on this album. I'm not a 
massively deep person. This is a terrible 
realization I've come to at the age of 45. 

Yikes. Between that statement 
and your lecture at the South by South- 
westfestival, downplaying the importance 
of song lyrics, what are we to think? 
COCKER: I've not done that dreaded 
thing and “reinvented” myself. I've just 
lightened up a little bit. 

How else is that playing out? 
СОСКЕВ: Itis my ambition this year to learn 
how to cook. I bought a few cookbooks 
and a blender—so what could go wrong? 


Game of the Month 


Chronicles of Riddick: 
Assault on Dark Athena 


The first Riddick game, 2004's Escape From 
Butcher Bay, was a major standout on the origi- 
nal Xbox. Too bad no one played it. Assault on 
Dark Athena (360, PC, PS3) lets you right that 
wrong by including an updated version of the 
original game along with its new full-length in- 
stallment This cerebral shooter stars a virtual 
Vin Diesel (a redundant concept, we know) and 
emphasizes exploration and stealth over wanton 
killing. The first game's narrative has an elegant 
simplicity whereby your escape from an interga- 
lactic prison is complicated by the relationships 
you develop with other inmates. In Athena it's 
more you against the world or, in this case, a 
band of space pirates. With two lengthy single- 
player campaigns and an all-new multiplayer 
mode, this is one of the best bargains in gaming 
and 20095 first must-have. ҰҰҰҰ -5сой Jones 


Т7 Pocket Tribe 


Patapon 2 (PSP) is a 
bewildering yet ad- 
dictive mix of rhythm, 
real-time strategy and 

role-playing wrapped up 
in a Japanese aesthetio that's 
© equal parts cute and blood- 


Л 


cwn thirsty. Insane and brilliant, 


Legendary DJ Larry Tee has many claims to fame. He 
co-produced the first B-52's single, "Rock Lobster” He 
established such notorious NYC club nights as Love 


е Machine and Disco 2000. He created and nurtured the 


electroclash scene. Now he has a new album, Club 
Badd, which features appearances by Peaches 


(whose career he helped launch back in the heyday of 
electroclash), Princess Superstar and Perez Hilton—who 
sings about his junk on "My Penis." To getyou in the mood 
for this sexed-up opus, Mr. Tee has put together a free 
downloadable hour-long mix tape for us as part of our 
Music to Fuck To series. Get itat playboy.com/mtft. 


ELSEWHERE AT PLAYBOY 


Marrying the Girl Next Door 


Former Girl Next Door Kendra Wilkin- 
son is out on her own and headed for 
wedded bliss. Keep tabs on bride-to-be 
K-Dub and her groom, Hank Baskett of 
the Philadelphia Eagles, on Kendra, 
premiering June 7 on El. 

f: Reality TV again-what can 

we expect this time around? 
It's more of a sitoom-reality 
modern-day I Love Lucy 
combined with Nick and Jessica: Newly- 
weds, though we don't get married until 
the last episode, I'm the wild, untamed 
i and Hank's so conservative, 


That's part of the show too. 

ing about life. I've never lived 
on my own, and now I have a house. I 
have to cook, olean, do laundry, pay 
bills, put stamps on envelopes—things 
I've never done before. 


Playboy TV 


Y Can you oook any- 

ағай? 

JRA: I haven't even used 

my stove or oven yet. I get 
soared when I go to the gro- 
cery store, because I don't @ 
know what to buy T end up Pd 

y 


the dishes? Fuck that shit 

Are you turning 
into abridezilla? 

K A little bit. I'm very 
ings like my col- 

ors and my dress. I think thatif I 
don't feel right on the wedding day, then 
nothing wil be right 

Are you worried that any- 
оси 
KENDRA: My biggest worry is that Hank 
will forget the ring—or that my boobs 
will fall out of my dress. 


In the fine-art book Naked Ambition: An R-Rated Look at an X-Rated Industry, 
celebrity photographer Michael бгессо gives porn stars like Tera Patrick and 
Jenna Jameson the full glam treatment. This month a documentary about the 
making of the book (which has the same name) gets a limited opening in New 
York and Los Angeles. Look for it later this year on Playboy TV. 


Playboy.com 
Macro 
Duffonomics 


Since his Success column rocked our 
March issue, Duff McKagan (yes, that Duff 
McKagan) has been slinging financial exper- 
tise online. See playboy.com/duffonomics 
for weekly updates and the full archive. 


IN AN ABSOLUT WORLD\ 
THE VODKA ENHANCES THE DRINK 


ENJOY THE TRUE TASTE 
OF VODKA WITH ABSOLUT. 


22 


FTER 


PLE PLAYBOY'S A-LIST 


Surf Spots 


What's that cynical line 
from the 1980s teen 
classic Under the Board- 
walk? "Surf all your life— 
just don't be a surfer all 
your li 


m Just don't waste 
your time surfing lame 
waves, Consult-Playboy 

om's A-List: America's 
Surf Spots to find 

url of your dreams, 
ich as thi the 


Meat Me in Chicago 


We left no bun unturned for our A-List: America's Best Burgers—from big-city open secrets 
like Shake Shack in Manhattan to pilgrimage-worthy joints like the Meers Store and Restau- 


rant in Meers, Oklahoma. One shoo-in was the at Kuma's Corner in Chicago. It's 
— your basic masterpiece: half a pound of Black 

2 Angus steak piled with bacon, cheddar and a 

fried egg, and served on a puffy Labriola 
pretzel roll. “It's outrageous and sloppy,” 
admits Luke Tobias, Kuma's sous 
һь chef. "Its the best of two worlds— 
^ dinner and breakfast.” Ask for 
yours rare and there will be 
blood. "Most order it straight 
up; Tobias explains. "We don't 
recommend ketchup or mus- 
tard.” We agree. Just squeeze 
that baby like a roll of Ultra 
Charmin to pop the yolk on the 


sunny-side-up egg and you'll have 
more than enough sauce and flavor. 


Shop Like a Man 


Our A-List Top Stores recommends paying a 
visit to in New York 
City's Nolita, Freemans doesn't sell just a line 
of clothing, which by theway is quite nice; it'sa 
sort of mini-mall of old-school male delights. 
The apothecary stocks classic high-end 
grooming products, and the Sutlery purveys 
such useful accessories as hunting boots and 
pocket knives. Get a trim and straight-razor 
shave at the barbershop. If you're ragged but 
not shaggy, there's the “hangover remedy,” 
which involves a hot eucalyptus wrap. We feel 
better just thinking about it. 


Crash Course 
at Tattoo U 


We love cool tattoos on gor- 
geous women. Know who 
this beauty above is? Hmm. 
We called on Inked magazine 
editor Jason Buhrmester 
to give us his top 10 for 
Playboy.com's A-List: Top 
Tattoo Shops. Each pick is a 
temple of artistry and skill— 
Japanese-style masters, 
biker-chic artistes and more. 
And the abdomen above? It 
belongs to superscorching 
Italian actress Asia Argento. 


IN AN ABSOLUT WORLD 
TRUE TASTE COMES NATURALLY 


АЦ ABSOLUT FLAVORS ARE 
MADE WITH NATURAL INGREDIENTS. 


RAW DATA. 


CC LP NaSICNIFCA, INSIGNIFICA, STATS AND FACTS “а. 


THE PLAYBOY POLL. 


WHO IS THE SEXIEST WOMAN ELIGIBLE TO JOIN AARP? 


5” 


YOU VOTED: 
CHRISTIEBRINKLEV35% VANNA WHITE 11% 
MICHELLE PFEIFFER 21% MADONNA 9% 

КІМ BASINGER 14% SUSAN SARANDON 5% 


ANN CURRY 4% 
MARTHA STEWART 1% 


NEXT UP: coropLAYBOVCOM/WWT то ANSWER JUNE'S QUESTIONS, INCLUDING: 

YOU MEET A WOMAN AT A BAR. WHAT DO YOU MOST OFTEN 

ASK HER FOR AT THE END OF THE NIGHT? 

HER NUMBER HER FACEBOOK A "CUP OF COFFEE" AT 
UR PLACE 


UER EMAR ACCOUNT INFO Yo! 
ADDRESS AKISS HER HOURLY FEE 


YEARLY SALARY 
OF FORD'S CEO 


YEARLY SALARY 
OF TOYOTA'S CEO 


% 
7) 


ТНАМК$ ТО ЕМЕР- 
PRESENT CASINO 
' SECURITY CAM- 
ERAS, LAS VEGAS 
HAS А 53% HEART- 
ATTACK SURVIVAL 
Ж RATE. ІМ CHICAGO 
VLL THE RATE IS 2%. 
$200 AN HOUR 
PRICE FOR A DRUG-SNIFFING DOG FROM THE Ш 
COMPANY SNIFF DOGS. THE KEEN CANINES САМ 


DETECT POT, HEROIN, COKE AND METH-IN CASE Ум 
YOUR ROOMMATE IS HOLDING OUT ON YOU. go 


_ E 

s m 
IM AUSOME 
THE NEW YORK 
TIMES REPORTS 
THAT ОЕ 
INKED AMERI- 
CANS REGRET 
THEIR TATTOOS. 


Emergency medical personnel rec- 
ommend performing CPR chest 
compressions in time to “Stayin’ 
Alive.” Its 103-beats-a-minute 
rhythm is close tothe ideal 100. 


PRICE CHE 


$3,500 


THE WINNING 
BID AT A 
CANCER CHARITY 
AUCTION FOR 

A PLASTER 

CAST OF KATY 
PERRY'S BREASTS. 


ax 


18 


OF THE 52 MOST 


ACCORDING TO LEASETRADER 
COM, 18% OF WOMEN PREFER 
TO DRIVE ON THE FIRST DATE 


AN ESTIMATED 07% 

OF THE WORLD'S E 
OPULATION IS DRUNK 
AT AN VEN TIME. Y 


THEFT SINCE 
DECEMBER 

oru 2007 ALMOST с ІМ 

кєк 2.9 MILLION 

CELL AMERICAN 

PHONES ADULT MALES HAVE 

ACCOUNTED R 

FOR 14% OF ALL ROB- 


BERIES COMMITTED IN 
BOSTON IN 2008. 


= MHNTHRHCK 


WHEELS :: SCENT =: BAGS 


Ducati's latest street rocket is anything but last year's model 


When champion Thoroughbreds get older, they're put out to stud, given a supply of genetically superior fillies and instructed to enjoy 
themselves. Motorcycles face a slightly different fate, Rules change, engine displacement grows, some electronic gizmo is added, and 
suddenly last year's superbike is a footnote, stripped of its fairing and turned out onto the street to dream of glory days past. Unless 
we're talking about Ducati. The Italians weren't ready to let the 1098 that propelled Troy Bayliss to the 2008 World Superbike Cham- 
pionship shuffle gently off the stage, so they've turned it into the 2009 Streetfighter. The details are delicious, from the “evil eye” LED 
position lights to the trigger-catch kill switch (the kind you find on fighter planes and missile silos). Modesty is not the focus here, with a 
Testastretta Evoluzione engine caged in the trademark Ducati trellis frame and nary a fig leaf more. It will snarl out 155 hp at 9,500 rpm, 
andat 373 poundstthis bike has a power-to-weight ratio that's the best in its class. The huge Brembo monoblock disc brakes are known 
for their planet-stopping power. The standard model-which is anything but—goes for $15,000. Another $4,000 buys the 5 model 
shown here, with DTC (Ducati Traction Control), DDA (Ducati Data Analyzer) and SEX (we'll let you translate that one). 


Mission 
Critical 


When it comes to 
luggage, we'll take 
toughness over style 
anyday.Butwewould 
prefernottocompro- 
mise. Killspencer's 
Repurposed collection 
($400 to $450, killspencer 
.com). With a combina- com) is made from military 
Чоп of citrus, ginger and truck tarps that have seen com- 
wood notes, it whispers bat. Which means no matter what 
with quiet authority in- happens to you out there, you know 
stead of making a stink. your bag has seen worse. 


Message 
in a Bottle 


John Varvatos's clothes 
make men look good in 
a way that doesn't shout 
“Check out how good | 
look!" The same low-key 
approach succeeds for 
his new cologne, Arti- 
san ($75, johnvarvatos 


26 


Mechanical wristwatches are one of the most impressive 
results of mankind's opposable thumb. Too bad most cost 
four to six figures. Imagine our surprise, then, when Lüm-Tec 
launched late last year, promising handmade watches with 
automatic movements in the $400-to-5800 range. Every 
watch is one of a limited, numbered series, like the M3 shown 
here (5515, lum-tec.com), of which only 155 were made. 


Hack Your Life: Death to Cable 


These days most major TV 
networks stream their shows 
online to anyone with a Net 
connection. What does that 
mean? You no long: 
to pay for cable. The big dog 
is Hulu (hulu.com), a part- 
nership between NBC, Fox 
and other channels, offer! 
thousands of TV-show epi 
sodes from the latest Lost to 
vintage Knight Rider. CBS has 
its own site (cbs.com/video), 
and Comedy Central provides 
complete seasons of South 
Park(southparkstudios.com), 
The Daily Show (thedailyshow 
.com) and many others. Net- 
flix's streaming service lets 


its customers watch thou- 


instantly. If watching on a 
computer is inconvenient, 
need уои can get almost all this 


stuff onto your TV by using а 
video-game console. You can 
stream Netflix through an 
Xbox 360 ($200 and up), and 
the PlayStation 3 ($300 and 
up) can receive Hulu. Alter- 
natively, Roku’s Digital Video 
Player ($100, roku.com) can 
stream Netflix, as well as 
movies from Amazon 
оп Demand. (Roku pror 
Hulu support is coming.) 
Cable companies, time to 
start sweating. 


CAFFEINE 


Small 
Wonder 


Every so often Sony has to 
prove why it gets to be Sony 
(it's in their contract). This year's 
reason is the Vaio Lifestyle PC 
(5900, sonystyle.com), which is eensy, at 

14 pounds and 078 inches thick, but wide enough that your 
hands won't feet like Cirque du Soleil contortionists. Wi-Fi and 
Bluetooth are de rigueur, but it also packs in a 3G cellular Inter- 
net connection and a GPS receiver for turn-by-turn directions. 


Most espresso ma- 
chines are hard to fit in 
your briefcase. But that 
doesn't mean you need 
to hit a megachain. The 
Handpresso Wild (5100, 
handpresso.com) is 
part bicycle pump, part 
barista. Use the built-in 
pump to generate 14 
to 16 bars of pressure, 
pack the filter with finely 
ground high-quality cof- 
fee, pour boiling water 
into the plastic canister, 
then flip it over. At the 
touch of a button itwill 
crank out thick, rich, 
crema-topped 
go juice. Zoom. 


BRINGING 


ОР, 


ВЕАВ 


THE TRUTH ABOUT 
ANAL SEX FROM A 
WOMAN’S POINT 


OF VIEW 
BY 

SUZY 
MCCOPPIN 


SEE SUZY MCCOPPIN'S VIDEO 
LOGS AT PLAYBOY.COM. 


ne remembers the final scene 
Boogie Nights, when Mark Wahlberg 
als his prosthetically augmented 
long. But a poignant exchange that 
curs midway through the film has 
stuck out in my mind. 

PORN STAR: Is he going to fuck me 
in the ass? 

Director: Is that what you want? 

PORN STAR: It would be nice. 

That's why people go to the movies— 
to escape reality. Very few guys patrol 
the metropolis, fighting crime pro 
bono, and those who do don't do it in 
tights, like Batman. I've never met a 
zebra that can speak jive like Marty in 
Madagascar. And most women, myself 
included, do not think it would be nice 
to get fucked in the ass. 

Sadly, this does not sit well with 
much of the male population, as anal 
sex has become the new zeitgeist obses- 
sion. Anal is the new blow job. Blame 
Youporn or any porn—a fantasy world 
where anal sex is as readily available 
as diet Red Bull and women are as 
excited about it as they are about shoe. 
shopping, This disparity has turned 
my gender into a league of Багз. Oh 
yeah, baby, that feels amaz ood 
thing we're usually facedown during 
sodomy sessions; otherwise you'd see 
our noses growing. 

That's not to say I've never done 
anal. (Sorry, Mom.) It’s not one of my 
fonder memories. The experience, 
which I'd stashed deep in the recesses 
of my mind, resurfaced in the rudest 
possible way recently. I was pulling 
up to the intersection of Sunset Bou- 
levard and La Cienega, ironically not 
far from Larry Flynt's Hustler store. 
"That's when I was rear-ended. All too 
fittingly, the driver was male, late 20s 
He scrambled out of his silver Lexus to 
assess the damage. As he hunched over 
to inspect my bumper, déjà vu set in 
I'd been here before. It occurred to me 
how startlingly similar this experience 
was to anal sex, at least from the female 
perspective. Why, even the word is a 
blatant parallel: rear-ended 

"There 1 was, cruising along, maybe 
even enjoying the ride, then bam! 1 
was slammed into. At first I was star- 
tled, panicked. Even when someone 
expects it, nothing can truly prepare 
you for the actual event. Before I 
could catch my breath I was facedown 
in a pillow/airbag. I took a few deep 
breaths. Thoughts raced through my 
mind: How extensive is this damage? 
Is my paint on the other person's car? 
How embarrassing! Even though I'm 
insured, how protected am I really? 
Nothing's foolproof. 

Awkwardness settled in: Is he going 
to ask for my number? Will he give 
me his card? Will I have to ask for it? 
Time to exchange paperwork. For now 


it's over. He's gone, and I’m alone. I 
got a good night's sleep. I woke up ше 
next morning a little sore. 

So why do guys like anal so much? 
From a young age boys are trained 
that any sexual contact with a female 
is a victory. It's your job to try; it's our 
job to say no. And the further you get 
us to go, the more successful you are. 
Anal is the grand-slam homer. Get it, 
and you have conquered. You're the 

ame's MVP. Another theory is that 
it's a special gift from a woman to a 


Truth is, for most women, it's not 
comfortable and thus a selfish act on 
the part of a man. For a lot of men, sex 
is about power, and anal is the ultimate 
domination. But shouldn't the woman 
enjoy it as much as the guy? What's 
sexier—a woman gritting her teeth as if 
she's getting a colonoscopy or a woman 
in the throes of orgasm? 

Porn stars do all kinds of prep work 
for an anal scene. When you see anal 
in video, the female actor likely hasn't 
eaten for an entire day prior to the 
shoot. Those performers who can't stom- 
ach starvation simply pop an Imodium 
Enemas are a virtual job requirement, 
according to Tristan Taormino, author 
of The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for 
Women and czar of her own ass empire. 
Lubricants are vital. "It's not uncom- 
mon for actors to go through half a bot- 
tle during a scene," says Taormino. 

In the real world anal sex is usu- 
ally impromptu and therefore more 
risky. Do the math. All the preparation 
involved in successful porno butt love 
strongly suggests this orifice should 
serve as exit only. But maybe that's 
just how I was raised. 

Not all women concur. Of my six 
closest friends, two are down for anal. 
If you're a woman and you're a back- 
door girl, by all means, write the edi- 
tors of prArnoy and prove me wrong. 

‘Taormino teaches classes on how to 
enjoy the act. “The orgasm from anal 
sex is way more intense than the vagi- 
nal orgasm," she explained during 
our phone interview. “It’s a full-body 
orgasm. Plus, if you add clitoral stimu- 
lation to anal penetration, it will blow 
your mind. There are more nerve end- 
ings in the first part of the butt than in 
the back of the vagina." Hey, Tristan, 
there are a lot of nerve endings in my 
eye socket. It doesn't mean I want a dick 
in there. Taormino also explained that 
ifthe sphincter is too tight to accommo- 
date a penis, one can train one's butt 
muscles to relax with the help of a butt. 
plug. If I'm going to spend my time 
training something, it's not going to Бе 
my butt. 

Maybe I'm just a two-input girl. Is 
that so wrong? 


2 


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Му wife wants me to get a vasec- 
tomy. After the procedure, how do 
you know when it's okay to have 
sex without a condom?—RL., 
Baltimore, Maryland 

When she doesn't get pregnant! 
No no thats a joke hala oe, 
apparently, based on how haphazard 
талу men are about confirming their 
sterility, Eight and 12 weeks after the 
procedure, you are supposed to return 
to ch doctors fei to semen 

pls If beth ae free 9 spern, уш 

can ride barel 


hack. If not, your body 
needs more time to clear the pipes. In 


rare cases, the cut ends of a vas defer- 
ens have been known to spontaneously 
reunite, A Cleveland Clinic study of 
436 newly cut men found that, despite 
the risk, 21 percent enira 

ups. Of hal ho did insi pied 
still had active sperm in their semen at 
eight weeks, and eight guys were still 
packing heat at sis months. It wasn't 
until 10 months that everyone came 
up clear. To address the reluctance of 
many men to return to the doctor's 
office, cell biologist John Herr o 7% 
Üniversity of Virginia has deve 

а home test that should be pani 
this year. See contravac.com. 


In March you wrote about the 
relationship between ticklish- 
ness and sexual response. You 
may be interested to know 


Make of this what you 
‚ Easton, Pennsylvania 

The Germans also like to say, “Those 
who tickle themselves may laugh when 
they please." The word clitoris (pro- 
nounced KLIT-or-iss)—our favorite, 
after "yes"—has mysterious origins. 
According to medical linguist William 
Casselman, it is thought to originate 
from the Greek kleitoris, which means 
"little hill” and “gatekeeper.” Another 
source suggests Meitoris derives from 
kleiein, which means “to sheathe” or 
“to shut” and could refer to the clitoral 
hood or labia. The plural, should you 
ever be so lucky, is clitorises. 


Every year on my birthday my 
grandfather made pizza for me. 
Afier he died I couldn't find his 
recipe, which he said he'd clipped 
from млувох in the 1950s. Can 


you help? He always told me 


PLAYBOY 
ADVISOR 


Several times in recent months I've been awoken by 
my wife moaning as if she were having intense in- 
tercourse. She was lying on her back, with her legs 
spread and knees bent, as though someone was on 
top of her—but she was sound asleep. The morning 
affer this happened the first time, I asked if she'd had. 
any good dreams, and she replied, “You don't want to 
know what I dream about." Should I be concerned, or 
should I enjoy the show?—J.D., Houston, Texas 
Concerned she's cheating on you? It's possible, арене) 
u the fact that some cases of sexsomnia are 
guit о shame. Вы s equali 


deprived. Us spicis 

fers seal laor Маза. ing, 
for eppure 

abruptly tear off her clothing and masturbate 

eres ie ai 


two АМ. and five А.М. your wife won't respond 
Seren 


you've seen. We you continue to monitor the sifuation, 
the secret to good pizza is in ће | Zup ar thud yous hand on your dick, make sure she oem 
5 art, Michigan 

Youre thinking of a May 1959 ро too worked ир about hat mein ha ofin 
article called Viva Pizzal, by our long- icis Dos fag id 
time food-and-drink writer Thomas po 
Mario. In tribute to your grandfather, 
here's an abbreviated version of the recipe: “Sift оғ one-half packet of dry yeast in gorane, 
tageler one and a half cops {айлаў е fiour cup lukewarm water: Mal too tallespeons of 
(previously sifted and measured), one-half tea- lard over a low flame. In a generous-size mix- 
spoon of salt and one-eighth teaspoon of ground ing bowl, combine one-quarter cup milk, the 
ite Pepper Disolue one-half cake of yeast  disolved yeast and the lard. Add half a cup 


sifted flour and beat very smooth 
gium whip. Gradually add the 


balance of the flour, mixing with a 
kitchen spoon until a dough is formed. 
You'll need a little extra muse 
here. The dough should be someuhat 
moist. Sprinkle lightly with flour form 
the dough into a ball, and place it on 
а floured board. Knead it, i.e., fold 
toward you with your s, then 
рее pei lh the heel 
of your hands. Give the dough one 
quarter turn after each pressing. Do 
this for three io 224 minutes, then 
place in a li bowl. Cover 
the bowl with a plate or damp doth, 
and put it in a warm place, about 90 
degrees, until the dough doubles in 
bulk. Punch it down, place it on a 
floured board, and let it rest for 10 
to 15 minutes. Then place the dough 
in a greased nine-inch pie pan. Dip 
your fingertips in olive oil and press 
ris toward the rim fhe pon, 
then around the rim so that й forms a 
raised edge that will hold the filling.” 


Whenever we run into my 
fiancée's ex-boyfriend at a bar, 
he offers to buy her a drink but 
ignores me. When 1 buy the 
drinks, I always include his girl- 
friend. Is he being rude? —1.H., 
Fort Myers, Florida 

Нез goading you, and its work- 
ing. риги ur rii in 
this passion play? Why is she accept- 
ing these drinks when he disses you? 


М, wife has made it clear she 
can live without sex, so for the 
past four years I have been find- 
ing partners online. I even have 
an online “wife” (she's also mar- 
ried), who attends swinger par- 
ties with me, Our relationship is 
purely physical, and we always 
practice safe sex. My real wife is 
unsuspecting, though I'm sure 
she wonders why Ino longer bug 
her for sex. Now she wants us 
to attend counseling to address 
our sexual dysfunction, She says 
she has been a “horrible” 
ner. Im not convinced counsel- 
ing will change anything, and it 
could easily expose my alternate 
life and jeopardize my marriage, 
which I want to preserve for our 
two kids. Aside from the lack of 
sex, our life together is pretty 
satisfying. We have run into a 
couple of my girlfriends, but 
they assume my wife is another 
one of them, so it's kept under 
wraps. What should 1.do?—].R., 
El Paso, Texas 


Your wife will figure this out eventually, if 
she hasn't already. You can either take charge 
the stuation or let it тиши until it reaches 
its inevitable messy conclusion. If you are truly 
concerned about your kids living in a two-parent 


PLAYBOY 


30 


home, you will need to make sacrifices. That 

fos or pring йе см J fr. 

i faf e arg as alv nr improved. 
opportunity 

Ба pocket square acceptable at a funer- 


al?—C.W., Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania 
Yes, but it should be subtle, as should your tie. 


In other, less somber situations a pocket square 
adds a litle flair. It should сот but not 
‘match a color in your tie. 

You wrote in February that “players 


often end up being ambushed—they 
meet someone who puts their heart and 
head in conflict." What happens next? 
Does a player stop his player ways, ог 
does he cheat?—L.L., Portland, Oregon 
Whether someone was a is not an 
he or she will be in a 
it's a fallacy to think a 
‘all al you anything useful. 


Eve read men should take a daily multivi- 
tamin, but aren't those for guys over 50? 
Tm 29, but I have had а few unhealthy 
year ‚ Troy, Illinois 
Dr: Harvey Simon, editor of Harvard Men's 
Health Watch (health.harvard.edu), suggests 
men ditch multivitamins but continue to take 
pone D, which the body otherwise obtains 
from sunlight. A study released in 
ach found that only 23 percent of teenagers 
his had more ari ¢ minimum lend of 
the vitamin, in part because have 
heeded warnings to stay out of the sun and 
иен Tan (for 
preventi cancer, Dan 
и with with heart disease, cancer 21 infec- 
= The Institute eee reg men 
and women supplement 200 IUs 
vitamin D up to the age of 50, т 
to 70 and 600 IU; fi 71 оп. Simon adds that 


dealt os De salue d beta-caro- 
tene, vitamin E, vitamin С, vitamin Ву, vitamin 
В, and folate. It's best to get the vitamins and. 
minerals you ood from араага diet that 
паида fruits and vegetables 


‚After my father died I was told a female 
cousin may be my sister. We are both 
willing to check this out but are uncer- 
tain whether a DNA test would be con- 
clusive. Is there any way to determine if 
we are siblings?—PW., Helper, Utah 
We assume you suspect your cousin is your 
сен e dag of your aha and 
your aunt. Assuming you are closely related 
(your family may have more secrets than 
= рае ibe to 
differentiate between the DNA you ass 
cousins and the DNA you would share as sib- 
lings. However, according to Michael Baird, 
lab director of the DNA Diagnostics Center 
(800-613-5768 or dnacentercom), which spe- 


cializes in paternity testing, if you have any 


genetic material left from your father, such as 
hair, a lab may be able to determine if your 
cousin is jour father’s daughter 


Your accepting attitude in the past few 
months toward straight men who are at- 
tracted to transsexuals makes me breathe 
а sigh of relief. How can I bring up this 
desire with my Бана! without freak- 


When a reader asked in March how to get 
the most out of his daily orgasm while 
watching online porn, you replied, “That's 
easy Masturbate once a month.” Why 
didn't you suggest he explore his prostate 
with a sex toy? Many guys find that leads to 
intense orgasms—S.D., Chicago, Illinois 
That's true, but how will he move his mouse? 


| would tell that guy to lie on the floor, 
bend his legs over his head while keep- 
ing his toes and knees off the floor, and 
then stroke his cock while trying to hit 
himself in the face when he comes. Not 
only will this exercise his abdominal mus- 
cles, it's difficult enough to prevent him 
from masturbating as often. It a 
more guilt and shame if he's 
which may provide further di 
ment.—A.G., Brooklyn, New York 

qu ой image in our head we're feeling 


discouraged about sex in general. 


Your advice to the dissatisfied daily mas- 
turbator is the worst I have ever read, 
especially since studies have shown that 
frequent orgasms prevent prostate can- 
cer. For the sake of all men who read the 
Advisor, admit you are wrong. No matter 
what happen: day, a man can have 
at least one satisfying moment every 24 
hours.—TC., Jackson, Michigan 

Our response was given in the spirit of the 
reply provided in this space years ago to a 
woman who asked how to make her weddi» 
might with ler Koen boyfriend as memonaile 
as possible. We she not have sex with 
him for three months before the ceremony while 
reminding Ыт daily what she had planned. 
(One reader sent a two-word critique: 
tard!) has he wilposer Py 
ке Ер ны month, which we doubt, 
the resulting climax will set off car alarms. 
By the way, scientists rin March that 
ж appear to кемді only лімен 
Өк жі men 30 an 
For younger men they are associated with an 
жеше, perhaps Бош the here on 
ат, the higher your levels of testosterone, which 
may help tumors grow more quickly. More 
research is needed. In the meantime we recom- 
mend everyone, male and female, keep at it. 


A reader wrote in March asking how 
to introduce his curious six-year-old 
to “tasteful nudes of many body types” 


since he didn't feel pLavaoy fit the bill. 
1 recall looking at the magazine when I 
was six, admiring the beautiful women. I 
also recall my parents catching me. They 
reassured me there's nothing wrong with 
being curious about the human body and 
said if I had questions to let them know. 
When I did have questions I felt com- 
fortable going to them. Years later, in my 
teens, when I stumbled across their stash 
of raunchier porn, I thought, ГА much 
rather meet a рілувоу girl. Still true 
today—T.D., Chicago Ridge, Illinois 
Aside from hiding their т 
aa шаш 


In March а reader suggested ways to ask 
wedding guests for money instead of gifts. 
You quipped. "The easy cash maki us 
want to get married a few more times." 
But isnt it customary not to give anything 
to folks getting married for the secon: 
(or third) times particularly if you sent a 
gift in celebration of the first tryz—M.S., 
Rehoboth Beach, Delaware 

If you are invited to a wedding, always bring 
a generous gift. There is no ex factor: 


When 1 party and can't get an erection, 
1 find myself still trying to get off. Even 
though my penis stays flaccid, I manage 
to climax. Is it healthy to ejaculate while 


soft? —ER, Trenton, New Jersey 
„dp some way boa is a version of ha 
horny and impotent. But as you've 
esi snc can сы Lia da the devil. бу зы 
жылы) ejaculation are se 
ological tencion, which is алыл ыры. 
to ey without an erection (such as dur- 


ing u dam) or leon gum vila 
(e semen ges into your bladder 

to be dispelled Later). Although we admire pur 
ге, it’s not healthy to consistently 

тт I 


M; girlfriend was engaged a few years 
ago and purchased a weckling dress. The 
marriage did not happen, but she still has 
the unaltered dress. Should we decide to 
tie the knot, her plan is to wear it at our 
wedding. 1 feel weird about that, but she 
says she loves the dress, and it was expen- 
sive. Am I off base to be upset about start- 
ing a new life together with such a big 
symbol of a previous relationship?— D.J., 
Burlington, Vermont 

A wedding dress isn't a symbol of anything 
a d 


All reasonable fashion, food. 
and drink, senis and pot cars to dating di- 
lemmas taste and je will be pers 

answered if the writer includes a licel 
stamped envelope. The most interesting, 
Бағы questions will be presented à these 
pages each month. Write the Playboy Advisor, 
680 North Lake Shore Drive, Chicago, Illinois 
60611, or send e-mail by visiting our website 
at playboyadvisorcom. Our greatest-hits col- 
[уж git boy Advis {сузе 
bookstores and online. 

Y 


morus ЭША LABEOUF 


A candid conversation with the outspoken actor about his clashes with the law, 
sex on the set, his hippie childhood and how he became an unlikely action star 


Radical honesty is not a trait most young Hol- 
Iywood actors possess. Between studio expecta- 
tions, the muzzle of publicists and ego-driven 
"roclivities to appear happy and in control, the 
ikelihood of a mahnt candid answer to, 
say, "How are you?" or “Is there truth to the 
rumor of...” is basically nil. 

Not so with Shia LaBeouf, an actor seem- 
ingly unafraid to present himself as human, 
even with a gargantuan summer blockbuster 
like Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen to 
promote. Partly, it's that LaBeouf, who is only 
22, manages to remain likeable no matter what 
he says or does off camera. This is the guy who 
once told a TV entertainment reporter that 
Lindsay Lohan had made “some scary deci- 
sions,” adding, “If I'm perceived as someone 
like that, I'm going to be screwed." 

In 2007, with three of his movies—Surf's 
Up, Disturbia and the original Transform- 
ers—on their way to grossing more than $1 
Billion worldwide, LaBeouf was arrested at 
а Chicago Walgreens on criminal trespass- 
ing charges for refusing to leave the store at 
a security guard's request. Appearing on The 
Late Show With David Letterman to explain 
Най) LaBeouf adnited that he was ту 
messed up on the special | magic sauce" "and that 
he acted like a nmm." " Four months later, on 
the eve of the release of Indiana je and 
the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, in which 


"Being a public asshole is not fun. It sucks. 
And I'm somebody who doesn’t just roll with 
these things. These past few months Гое experi- 
ence a lot of selfehatred, a lot of blatant insan- 
ity, a lot of thinking about all kinds of shit." 


LaBeouf plays Harrison Ford's son and cohort 
in adventure, the actor failed to show for a 
court appearance after being cited for unlaw- 
ful smoking. That led to a warrant for his 
arrest. His latest outing run amok occurred 
midway through shooting Transformers 2 last 
Summer when the picku $ LaBeouf was driv- 
ing reportedly ran a red light, flipped over and 
hit another car. Though supporters rushed to 
defend the actor (“He was not drunk,” insisted 
Transformers director Michael Bay at the 
time), LaBeouf, who seriously injured his left 
hand, has spent much of the pasi ear coping 
to his addiction problems while still eyeing new 
monster projects. His latest big move: a star- 
ring role in John Grisham's legal thriller The 
Associate, currently in production. 

Wiry and baby faced with a tough-talking 
delivery that suggests deeply urban roots, Shia 
LaBeouf (pronounced "stra lo-purr) was 
born in L.A.’s gritty Echo Park 


grandfather— also named 
Shia—was a Catskills comic who sidelined as a 
barber for the Mafia. His dad' parents were a 
Cajun Green Beret and a Jewish lesbian 
who cavorted with Allen Ginsberg. LaBeouf’s 

own childhood was just as bohemian. Mom sold 
hippie jewelry out of their apartment. Dad was 


“Pm not going to lie to you; the acting I do in 
these movies isn't The Elephant Man or any- 
thing. These are massive fucking movies, and my 
job is to be the anchor in the chaos. Amazing for 
а little Jew from Echo Park, isn't it?” 


а street clown (and frustrated actor) who once 
for the Doobie Brothers. 
At the age of nine LaBeouf launched his 
career with raunchy stand-up routines at adult 
comedy clubs around L.A. That helped him 
land an agent, who got him an Oreo com- 
mercial and soon enough a role on the Disney 
TV series Even Stevens. His first movie, Holes 
(2003), made close to $70 million. Cast that 
т at Steven Spielberg's request in the origi- 
ы rated LaBeouf found kin. 
self on the cover of Vanity Fair, which dubbed 
him the next Tom Hanks, a moniker he has 
tried to live up to (or live down) ever since. 
Contributing Editor David Hochman has 
time with LaBeouf over the years—inevi- 
Bi trailed by арага and soys "Of all he 
celebrities Гос interviewed in more than a decade, 
nobody's more open than Shia. There's no small 
tok The conversation went deep as soon a 1 
asked him about the injury from his accident. 


PLAYBOY: How's your hand? 
Lassour: Permanently fucked. I'll never 
be back to 100 percent or have full recov- 
ery. 1 can't zipper my zipper or button my 
shirt without extreme pain. But I chalk it 
up as my own shit. These things had to 
happen. This accident is what I needed 
in my life. I'm not in control. For the first 
time, I can admit that and know that. Pm 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY MIZUNO 
“I grew up with a bunch of hippies, and mari- 


juana was always around. Í like pot. It has 
SE been a monster for me. But 1 definitely 


‚from a very young age what drugs can do 
io ou. Waiching my dad wasn't fun 


31 


a fallible individual, and the hand is like a 
tattoo that says mistake. It’s something ГИ 
have to live with for the rest of my life. 
PLAYBOY: You sound like a changed man. 
1ABEOUF: My attitude is different. It was a 
wake-up call. This shit's not fun. Being a 
public asshole is not fun. Being a gimp for 
months and months is not fun. Losing your 
driver's license—it sucks. And I'm some- 
body who doesn't just roll with these things. 
‘These past few months I've experienced a 
lot of self-hatred, a lot of blatant insanity, a 
lot of thinking about all kinds of shit. 
PLAYBOY: How much were you drinking 
that night? 
LABEOUF I had a whiskey and three beers. 
It's а good amount of alcohol. It’s enough 
be impaired, for sure. I'm not going to 
tart speaking on law stuff now and corner 
myself, but the fact that I ever got into the 
car was a mistake, What I remember of the 
accident is my finger lying in the street, a 
fireman putting me into an ambulance and 
my going into surgery. That's it. 
PLAYBOY. Your finger was lying in the street? 
LABEOUF: A piece of it, yeah. My hand got 
jammed under the car, and a slice of the 
finger came off. So I just picked it up and 
showed it to the fireman. A chunk of my 
hand. It was really insane-looking. So when 
people ask why I refused to take the Breath- 
alyzer, it’s that I wasn't exactly in a convers- 
ing kind of mode. No time to sit there and 
play detective, guys. The firemen were like, 
"Get this dude to a hospital: 
PLAYBOY. Have you quit drinking? 
Latour: To say 1 haven't had a drink is 
not true. Гуе had drinks, but it has been a 
leveling-out process. It’s coming to terms 
with my urges and limitations. I have an 
addictive tinge, and it’s in my family. My 
father's father drank himself to death. Не 
was a Green Beret, a respected military 
man, but when he came home he had no 
interest in life and just drank. My family 
has been in AA for a while. A lot of close 
friends around me are in AA, and I'm in 
AA now too. It’s helping me. It may not 
work tomorrow, but if I get the urge to 
drink, I call a friend or go to a meeting. 
Am T an alcoholic? I may not be. I don't 
know. But Табо know that in the situation. 
Tm in, with temptations what they are, I 
have no room for alcohol in my life. I'm 
also 22. If I were in college, this kind of 
behavior would be tolerated. There would 
be other 22-year-olds trying to figure out 
shit the way I am. But because I'm in the 
public eye, I have to shut down the chaos 
completely or ГИ be fucked. I should be 
clear, though. Drinking is not my prob- 
lem. Being uncomfortable is my problem. 
Insecurities are my problem. Fear is my 
problem. Those are my problems. 
PLAYBOY: So many young actors, espe- 
cially former child stars, screw up. With 
all the money, all the people invested in 
your success, all the resources available, 
why does it still happen? 
LABEOUF; It’s not like there's a ramp-up 
period. There's no simmering point, when 
32 people can just intervene and say, “No! 


PLAYBOY 


“MEGAN FOX IS A BEAUTIFUL, INTELLIGENT GIRL, AND WHEN YOU MAKE A MOVIE WITH SOME- 
‘ONE LIKE THAT, YOU FEEL THINGS. HOW CAN YOU NOT? YOU'RE HUMAN," LABEOUF SAYS. 


Wait! Don't do that." Shit happens, and it 
happens quickly. In my case Indiana Jones 
had just been released to the biggest box- 
office numbers Steven Spielberg had ever 
experienced. You just get the call from 
Steven, say ' the biggest thing 
financially been involved in.” 
And the next day, literally the next day, 
you're on your hands and knees looking 
for a piece of your hand. When was some- 
body supposed to jump in and stop me? 
PLAYBOY: Spielberg has done so much to 
help your career. Do you worry you've 
disappointed him? 

LABEOUF: Oh God, yeah. Shit, у 
took me under his cape and said, "Okay, 
lets fly." The 10 years I worked in the 
industry before I met him don't really 
count. To me it was a 10-year wait to meet 
him, and then my career began. And what 
did 1 do to the respect he gave me? I spit 
on it. What I can say about Steven, though, 
is that he's not a judgmental dude. He 
remains faithful and very much a mentor. 
He calls to check in. Partly, he's checking 
on his investment, I realize, but he's also 
checking in as a friend, as a concerned 
adult. Harrison Ford calls too. Talking to 
him is always helpful because it's almost 
like talking to John Wayne. "Muscle up 
and get through it,” he'll say, and coming 
from him it's not just some cowboy-lingo 
shit. It’s like medicine for me. Probably the 
best advice I got this year was from Har- 
vey Weinstein. I don't even know the guy, 
but he came up to me at an event recently. 
То me he's one of the figureheads, one of 
the Marvel comic-book characters of Hol- 
lywood, and he said, “Don't forget to be 
young, man." I took that to mean you can 
beat yourself up all you want, but it's okay. 
You make mistakes. Move on. 

PLAYBOY: You managed to get Transform- 
ers 2 done. How is the sequel different 
from the original? 


LABEOUF: It’s bigger. Fuck, is this movie 
big! We were the first movie to film at 
Wadi Rum in Jordan since Lawrence of 
Arabia. 'The first movie ever to shoot 
with actors on the Pyramids. And we got 
something like five Guinness records for 
making this film, including one for the 
biggest explosion with an actor in it in 
the history of cinema. 

PLAYBOY. Let us guess, You were the actor? 
LABEOUF: Yeah. Amazing for a little Jew 
from Echo Park, isn't it? It’s outrageous. 
Leave it to Michael Bay to blow shit up 
with 500 gallons of gasoline. The big 
explosion was so loud, I felt my organs 
shake. The heat totally bakes you. Trees 
were splintering and then started explod- 
ing. There's another scene where I have 
to run down a hill through a forest with 
а сашега cruising behind me at 30 miles 
an hour. I'm supposed to hit a mark so 
the camera can whiz over my head. But 
if I somehow miss the fucking mark, this 
big monster camera that weighs as much 
as а car slams me in the head and I'm 
fucking toast. But I survived. 

PLAYBOY: What's the secret to acting oppo- 
site a Transformer? Aren't those robots 
all added later via computer-generated 
imagery 

LABEOUF: Yeah. Mostly it's just my trying 
to look fucking terrified. It’s a ridiculous 
situation. You have to believe there's 
really a robot the size of a building about 
to chomp your ass. But Michael makes it 
easy. He'll blow things up for no reason, 
just to get a reaction. The guy's a maniac. 
But I'm not going to lie to you; the act- 
ing I do in these movies isn't The Elephant 
Man or anything. I'm just a flag holder, a 
sign carrier. Transformers, Disturbia, Eagle 
Eye—these are massive fucking movies, 
and my job is somehow to be the anchor 
in the chaos. It's not my place to work 
some kind of Turkish accent or worry if 


Tm conveying some bullshit actory vibe 
with a twitch of my left eyebrow. 
PLAYBOY: Does that get frustrating? 
LABEOUF: Sure, ГА sometimes rather be 
cooking pancakes with Dustin Hoflman in 
a movie like Kramer us. Kramer Or playing 
Jake LaMotta. It just hasn't worked out that. 
ғау. Im not going to complain. My career 
has been unbelievably fucking amazing. 
But I don't know what the fuck Pm doing. 
People think there's some grand-strategy- 
plan shit. I just get called on to do these 
movies, so T do them. I'm a hired fucking 
gun, and I feel like the luckiest guy in the 
world to get the roles I get. 
PLAYBOY: Do you see yourself as part of 
an emerging new generation of actors? 
LABEOUF: I don't see it as that, but there's 
so much talent out there right now. More 
than in the generation before, if you ask 
me. The group breaking now is rag. 
ing: E h, Jamie Bell, Joseph 
Cross from Running With Scissors, Joseph 
Gordon-Levitt. These will be the guys rul- 
ing Hollywood. Or a guy like Ben Foster 
from Flash Forward. Pound for pound, 
he's the best actor under 30. Then there 
are the women: Ellen Page, Evan Rachel 
Wood, Camilla Bell, Kristen Stewart from 
кн ‘The best of the bunch is Amber 
'amblyn, from The Sisterhood of the Travel- 
ing Pants movies. She may be better than 
all the dudes. What's funny is my role has 
become “physical action guy.” I was never 
really the most masculine dude, and here 
Tam at the center of these grand fuck- 
ing spectacles. I think it’s good for me. It 
cranks up the testosterone. The problem 
is it can be hard to turn that shit off when 
the movie's done. 
PLAYBOY: And that's when 
trouble? 
LABEOUF; When I'm not working, I go 
crazy. Decompression is hard on a movie 
like Transformers. Think about it, man. For 
months at a time, every day, every night, 
you're the ringmaster of the biggest circus 
on earth. You get to play with the biggest 
toys. You get to smash things together at 
the highest speeds. I've always been hap- 
piest on set. It’s the one place I'm allowed. 
to do whatever I want to do. When action 
is called, it's complete freedom. It's like 
буй. Just like flying. But then suddenly 
you're in life mode. When you're not 
working, that's when the shit starts flying. 
You're out in the world, but you're still 
feeling invincible. The trouble is there's no 
stunt man around off the set. There's no 
pyro team. Shit blows up in your life, and 
there's nobody there to put it out. I didn't 
have the most grounded childhood, so it's 
hard to put boundaries in place as an adult 
sometimes. You feel your way through. 
PLAYBOY: Can you describe the apartment 
in Echo Park where you grew up? What 
did it look like? 
LABEOUF: It was in a dilapidated pink 
building. We lived on the third floor with 
another family. It was a one-bedroom place. 
One bathroom. I lived in the back room 
with another kid. My mom and dad lived. 


you get into 


% THE WONDER EARS 


¡we We owe the Disney Channel much thank: 


-ап4 blame 


he channel that gave the world High School Musical has much to account for— 
especially Its alumni list, which Includes Shla LaBeouf of Even Stevens. Some 


examples. 


CHRISTINA AGUILERA Yes, her Mickey Mouse Club co- 


stars actually called her the Ома; she went on to win three Grammys. 
RYAN GOSLING "Disney sald, We're gonna kick you off the show If you 
say anything sexual again; he recalls. "I was fucking 12. All I cared about 


JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE 


Girls swooned for JT after he Joined "М Sync post MMC, and now he's one of 

A coolest Guias Hollywood and Ци basti МЕЕ ir hoet 
BRITNEY SPEARS Her career after MMC: 

biggest pop star on the planet, marriages, kids, Grammy, going ber- 


serk, shaving head and, now, hot again. 


HILARY 


DUFF She gained fame for her Disney show Lizzie McGuire but has. 
since stayed In the tablolds for no reason at all. —Rocky Rakovic 


in the living room. They had a factory in 
the kitchen where my mom made jewelry 
she sold on the streets. My dad was work- 
ing as a clown at the time, so down makeup 
and clown outfits were all over the place. 
There was a chicken living in the apart- 
ment. Sometimes I'd walk into the bath- 
room and see my dad doing this Dances 
With Wolves Zen kind of chicken dance; he'd 
be trying to get the chicken to get all comfy 
with him. So we had that. And a Sno-Cone 
machine. Dad would put on the makeup 
and sell Sno-Cones and hot dogs around 
the neighborhood. We were broke as shit. 
But it wasnt just the lack of money. It was 
an unusual environment. My parents were 
strange people with a very strange relation- 
ship. We definitely weren't driving a station 
wagon and going to socer practice 
Радуво What did your mom do that was 
strange? 
LABEOUF: The nudity was weird, espe- 
cially when her friends came over. All of 
them would just be naked around the 
house. That was strange for me, and it 
was really bizarre when my friends were 
there. You've got your little buds over, 
and Mom's, like, playing naked connect 
the dots or whatever. She's in the middle 
of goddess-group time, where it's literally 
a bunch of naked women tracing auras 
around one another's bodies with incense 
and then sitting together and humming 
for prolonged periods of time. 

PLAYBOY: What was the situation with 
drugs when you were growing up? 


LABEOUF: They were around. I grew up. 
with a bunch of hippies, and marijuana 
was always around. Pot was never looked 
at asa negative thing. I could smoke it on 
holidays with my parents, and we were 
all good. I like pot. It has never been a 
monster for me. I can put limits on it 
But I definitely saw from a very young 
age what drugs can do to you. Watching 
my dad wasn't fun. When I was younger, 
he would be in the hospital and I couldn't 
see him because he was coming down off 
his shit and couldn't cope. 

PLAYBOY: What was he using? 

LABEOUF: I was never 100 percent sure but 
pretty much anything. I remember seeing 
him do heroin two or three times, thoug] 
1 didn't know it was heroin at the time. 
He just looked like a doctor. You know, 
kids play doctor and pretend to give one 
another injections. I thought, He's just 
messing around or being creative. Не 
would get high and draw. But it was that 
kind of environment. Kids came over to 
my house so they could do all the things 
they couldn't get away with at home. Play- 
ing with fireworks. Staying up all night. 
PLAYBOY: Did you ever wish you had par- 
ents who were more normal? 

LABEOUF: Not really. Normal is boring. The 
shit we were doing felt much more fun and 
alive than that. Instead of going to Chuck 
E. Cheese, my mom would take me and 
my friends to her ashram. So you'd have 
a bunch of zoned-out hippies and six little 
six-year-old dudes playing Nerf football. 


33 


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All the hippies were blissing out, and the 
kids were jacked up on candy. You're six 
years old, and уоште freaking out on as 
many М8-М% and Gummi Bears as you 
can ingest. I had the freedom to do what- 
ever the fuck I wanted, and when you're a 
kid, that scems cool. It was anything goes. 
PLAYBOY: What kind of trouble did you 
get int 
LABEOUF I was kicked out of every school 
I went to. I was always a smart-mouthed 
kid, and I did some ballsy stuff from a 
young age. I was kicked out of Pinewood 
Elementary for stealing the tetherball and 
taking it home. At 32nd Street Middle 
School I was expelled for cursing. Because 
I hung around with all these hippies at 
home, I knew a bunch of curse words 
none of the other kids did. I remember 
making fun of one of the teachers. He had 
this nasty beard, and I told him, "You" 
gota huge pubic forest on your face." We 
were eight or nine years old, and no kid 
in class knew what pubic meant. 

PLAYBOY: That sort of language helped 
you break into show business. Can you 
give us a taste of your routine as a nine- 
year-old stand-up comic? 

Lassour: I would start off sounding like a 
timid child. Maybe I'd tell a knock-knock 
joke. It was an unusual set: When you have 
a nin r-old performing at a club, you 
can't serve alcohol, so all the drinks would 
be cleared for the five minutes I was up 
there. People weren't used to seeing a kid 
in a situation like that, so they'd applaud 
politely and think I was cute. But again, 
I would hook them with bullshit jokes. 
“What kind of monkey flies? A hot-air 
baboon.” Then suddenly Га go, "All right, 
motherfuckers, nov I'm really going to tell 
you jokes.” Their faces would just drop. It 
was like watching a bipolar child up there. 
Or the Exorcist kid. It was as if somebody 
else were speaking for me, and I was the 
ol. “So I walked in on my mom and 
dad fucking the other night.” And it would 
just get nastier and nastier. Shit jokes, cunt 
jokes, really, really dark material. My dad 
wrote most of it. And it was coming out of 
this kid with a bow! haircut in corduroy 
OshKosh B'Gosh. People would laugh, but 
I think they were more stunned and ner- 
vous than amused. 

PLAYBOY: So you went from telling dirty 
jokes onstage to starring in Even Stevens, 
a teen comedy series for Disney. Was it 
difficult to control your mouth? 
Latour: It was tough, especially because 
Even Stevens required a ton of ad-libbing, 
so the “fucks” would fly after a few takes 
Disney was such a wholesome place. It was 
full of clean-cut young people, all these kids 
from musical-theater backgrounds who 
wanted to be straight-up song-and-dance 
performers. And here I was—the only 
white kid in his school, living in the ghetto, 
my parents were hippies—so I'm instantly 
the doesn't-fit-in-here guy. But you know, 
you're 10 hours in and everybody's getting 
tired on set, so you're like, All right, you 
gotta boost morale. So this other actor, A.J. 


‘Trauth, and I would do insane things. We'd 
be working on scenes in the school, and 
we'd decide, “Hey, let's strip down to our 
bare asses and streak down the hallway. 
Somewhere in the Disney vaults there's 
video footage with my penis in it. 
PLAYBOY: Can you explain why Even Ste- 
vens, a show for teens, became popular 
among college kids? 

LABEOUF: They were the majority of our 
audience, actually. I think it’s because there 
were inside jokes younger kids weren't get- 
ting but older ones were. At the time, we 
figured even the Disney executives weren't 
getting them. Our coach's name on фе 
show was coach Tugnut. Nobody ever 
questioned it. Principal Wexler was this 
extremely feminine, queeny type—very 
extreme, very touchy with the kids, In 
one episode, another character is trying to 
get doser to her dad because they've been 
apart for so long. But it has this weird 
incestuous edge. It wasn't supposed to be 
that strange a show, but it was 

PLAYBOY: What was it like going through 
puberty on the set of Charlie's Angels: 
Full Throttle? 

tABEOUF: Holy fucking Christ! Really dis- 
gusting if I get into elaborate details. I 
remember my trailer was set up in such a 
way that Cameron Diaz's and Lucy Liu’s 
trailers were visible through my window, 
through this little shade I had. Га put down 
the blackout shade just enough to have ту 
eye pecping through and get them in my 
crosses. Га be inside totally going at it, Just 
the thought of them changing in their ail 
ers was enough to get me off. Or I would 
steal Polaroids from the wardrobe people. 
T see а hot Polaroid of Drew Barrymore 
and go, “Hey, that's a cool picture, Can I 
have и?” And then Г go into my trailer 
for a while, Drew Barrymore was the first 
crush I ever had. That movie Babes in Toy- 
land—she was just so spunky. You never 
watched her and felt like shit afterward. 
Having her around was too much for me. 
Thad a lot of time with myself on that set. 
PLAYBOY: Did your co-stars know you 
were in heat? 

Latour. Everybody knew. The girls knew, 
definitely. First of all, I'm a pretty 

guy. Pd tell them flat out, “Т! 
They knew they were all my fantasy girls. 
Lucy Liu especially would play with me. 
She'd play with my mind. I was deep in 
puberty at this point. I'm raging. Hor- 
mones are flying off me. You could smell 
it. We'd all be doing a scene in Bosley's 
office, and Lucy would shift in her seat 
in a way that would let me see a little 100 
much thigh, or she'd cross her legs or do 
that torso twist that was just a little bit too 
much. You know what the fuck I'm talking 
about. Bernie Mac understood what I was 
going through, and he'd look at me like, 
"Yeah, that's right. You just saw that shit.” 
I mean, what are you supposed to do? 
You're 14, 15 years old, and you've got the. 
fucking sexiest woman in the world sitting 
across from you, giving you the love. It was 
torture. But the best part was hanging out 


with Bernie. He was teaching me how to 
be а card shark. Every time he would take 
out the cards, Lucy would wander over. 
because she wanted to learn too. It quickly 
became apparent to me that being around 
Bernie meant being around Lucy, so need- 
less to say, Bernie and I became very tight 
buds. I miss the guy. I really do. 

PLAYBOY: How are women treating you 
these days, by the way? 

LABEOUF: Great. Amazing. Unbelievable. 
It’s cool to be 22 and famous. You go to 
a party and it's a bit of an all-you-can-eat 
buffet, It’s great, but it’s strange. Going 
ош in public, to an event or whatever, 
there’s this third-person thing that hap- 
pens. Like when we were in Cannes 
for the premiere of Indiana Jones. The 
whole world had been waiting for the 
sequel to come out, and you're there 
with the squadron—the kill squad, I 
used to call it—Steven Spielberg, George 
Lucas, Harrison Ford. And me. I'm like 
the water boy, but somehow the magic 
rubs off and you find yourself at a party 
with beautiful women who want to get 
with you, and there are all kinds of 
people you can't believe you're seeing. 
Mick Jagger's there. Bono's there. Elton 
John's there. “Oh hi, Will." Will Smith! 
And in those moments I cease to be just 
Shia LaBeouf. It’s not just me. It's Shia, 
this representative dude. And this rep- 
resentative dude gets a lot of attention. 
It's that Shia who gets the women rush- 
ing ove can really fuck with your 
head, Oh, absolutely, it's exciting. It's 
intoxicating. But it’s not real. That's not 
to say there aren't advantages to it or I 
haven't enjoyed myself. And certainly 
when you're with your boys, who are 
not normally approach artists, let's just 
say I make it very simple for them to be 
around women these days. 

PLAYBOY: Share with us the dream. What's 
it like to have women throw themselves 
at you? 

LABEOUF: I remember a night not long after 
Disturbia came out. That's when the shit 
really hit. Disturbia had been number one 
for weeks, and we were filming Transform- 
ers. Before that, nobody really cared who 1 
was. But suddenly there was a new enei 
around me. My phone was ringing like 
crazy. Friends from the past were calling, 
girlfriends from yesteryear, girlfriends from, 
you know, never. [laughs] Your whole world 
bubbles up. It's a volcano! One night up at 
the top of the Argyle Hotel, in Hollywood, 1 
wasn't even 18 years old, but the things that 
were available in terms of astonishing temp- 
tations. Jesus! It’s three in the morning, and 
you're looking at a Jacuzzi full of the most 
insanely beautiful women you've ever seen, 
and it's pretty much whatever you want. My 
problem was I wasn't very good at closing 
the deal in those days. 

PLAYBOY: Has that skill improved? 
LABEOUF: Yes. Yes, most definitely. It 
changed after I had sex for the first time. 
PLAYBOY: When did that happen? 
LABEOUF: I was 18. That night was pretty 


hysterical, actually. For some reason, I 
was trying to portray myself as a man 
who had done it many times in the past. I 
didn't tell the girl I was a virgin. I was all, 
"Don't worry, babe. I'm gonna handle it 
tonight," and, you know, "We're going to 
work this out. And the more we have sex, 
the more comfortable it'll become." And 
duh-duh-duh-duh. All this bullshit. And 
meanwhile I was shaking in my boots. 
PLAYBOY: What happened next? 
LaBeouF She comes up to my hotel room 
in Montreal, and I'm pretending to be a 
stud. I was like, “Oh yeah, go lie down 
over there." She went and laid down. 
Getting naked was very strange. It was 
the first time I'd been naked in the light, 
in front ofa girl, with no hiding place. It 
was like, boom, here I am. That was very 
nerve-racking. 

PLAYBOY. How did it go? 

Latour: It became apparent pretty quickly 
that I didn't know what the fuck I was 
doing. Somewhere in her mind she had 
to know. I remember laying her on the 
bed and putting a pillow underneath her 
because I had seen that in a porn movie. I 
didn't know why they did it; I just figured 
you puta pillow under her hips to raise her 
пр. My dad had told me the same thing. By 
the time you get to 18, all this mental prepa- 
ration has gone into losing your virginity. 
Ph a pro thing to do, right? [laughs] 
So 1 got her on the pillow, which put her at 
a weird angle where I couldn't get in cor- 
rectly. I'm not extremely well-endowed like 
some nine-inch superhero, and clearly this 
wasn't the move to do. I couldn't get my 
dick in, or it kept slipping out. Fortunately, 
she ended up being my girlfriend for three 
years, so we had time to work it out. We 
had a lot of sex and would read the Kama 
Sutra together and do the wildest shit you 
do when you're 18 and figuring out how to 
have sex with all four feet off the ground 
or some shit. The more you have sex, the 
more you learn about what works and what 
doesn't. The best sex is when you can be 
totally unself-conscious and try things. 
PLAYBOY: Like what? 

lABEOUR. Like playing with tempo. 
PLAYBOY: You mean alternating between 
fast and slow sex? 

1ABEOUF: Maybe. Or how about extraordi- 
narily slow sex? Like just staying in there. 
And from there do a major tempo shift 
and really go at it. The key is to be open 
10 experimentation and to create ап atmo- 
sphere that's safe and beautiful. Trust is so 
important in that kind of situation. 
PLAYBOY. Is it harder to trust women now 
that you're famous? 

LaBeour: Impossible. Once you're famous 
or havea lot of money, women will do prac- 
tically anything to get close to you. I hear 
stories about companies paying women 
to have sex with guys just to get a story 
for their magazine or website. Whether 
that’s true or not, you do start looking 
at women like, Wait a minute. And then. 
you have that skeptical 10 seconds after 
you meet someone, which kills all human 


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35 


PLAYBOY 


interaction. You know, trying to be close 
to somebody—ir's pretty tough. There 
are the women who know exactly who I 
am but pretend they don't. The women 
who know exactly who I am but act jaded 
to seem cool. There are the women who 
come right out and say, “Do you want to 
get with me?" But those little sentences 
always start to surface: “I’m trying to get 
into the business,” “Га love to be in one of 
your movies." Everybody wants something 
from you, so it’s confusing. At this point 1 
don't think I could ever randomly meet a 
woman and trust it completely. 

PLAYBOY. What's your policy on dating 
your co-stars? 

LABEOUF: I know there's the *don't shit 
where you eat" type of thing, but the prob- 
lem is, movie sets are filled with tons of 
attractive people. You know, you're making. 
Transformers with someone like Megan Fox, 
and she's a very attractive girl. Very attrac- 
tive. [laughs] And she's a very close friend. 
But it hasn't been a romantic thing, because 
you're trying to respect the work environ- 
ment. You don't push anything. And with 
sex and romance, things can become so 
convoluted so fast. On a big movie like that. 
you're playing with the devil. You have 
to weigh the risk-reward factor. Yes, the 
reward of being with Megan Fox would 
outweigh the risk, but it also becomes a risk 
for everyone else. You don't know what. 
could happen. We could be shooting, and 
the relationship is suddenly on the rocks 
and then what? So we just never ever did 
anything about it. We were very smart. 
We're attracted to each other, and I think 
you can see that in our scenes together. 
Tes very real and tangible, and you can tell 
something exists. But we never push it past 
that. Tt would also be such a high-profile 
relationship that I'm not sure it would Бе 
enjoyable for us. 

PLAYBOY. Fox recently broke off her engage- 
ment to actor Brian Austin Green. Does 
that give you pause? 

LABEOUF: [Laughs] Listen, I'm going to 
know the girl forever. She's a beauti- 
ful, intelligent girl, and when you make 
a movie with someone like that, who is 
around you all the time, you feel things. 
How can you not? You're human. I know 
a relationship between us isn't an option 
right now for a variety of reasons, and 
that's perfectly fine. I get to kiss her in 
the fantasy world, and that's okay too. 
PLAYBOY: There were rumors about your 
dating Rihanna a while back. What's the 
truth on that? 

LABEOUF: Г attempted to. I was infatuated 
and made a few phone calls. She passed 
her number to a stylist friend of mine. I 
heard she was trying to get in contact with 
me, and I was, like, Really? Rihanna? It was 
baflling to me. She's the sexiest pop star in 
the world, so it was outrageous to me. I 
remember I was shooting Indy in Hawaii at 
the time and filming a sword fight when I 
got the message. I said to myself, Can thisbe 
my life? I kept telling my friends, “Dudes! 
I have Rihanna's number.” They said, “Are 


you kidding?" And I said, “No, I can text 
her right now.” So I texted Rihanna, and 
же arranged to have dinner. 

PLayBoy: How did it go? 

LABEOUF: It never got beyond one date. 
The spark wasn't there. We weren't pas- 
sionate about each other in that way, so 
же remain friends. It's funny how you 
сап fall for an image that is projected and 
then discover how different the person is 
from who you thought they would be. I 
think we both experienced that. 
PLAYBOY: How did you feel when Rihanna 
was having problems with Chris Brown 
earlier this year? 

LABEOUF. It’s not my place to be involved in 
that, but yeah, that sucked. Of course it's 
painful and not just because she's a friend. 
For someone who loves women and grew 
up with women the way I did, it's hard to. 
watch when someone isn't being treated 
right. But I don't like to comment when 
shit ps down with celebrities, because I 
used to be the guy who shit on people for 
getting into trouble. Rihanna's a beautiful, 
sexy girl, and let's leave it at that. 
PLAYBOY: Who else do you find sexy? 
LABEOUF: Oh, let's see. So many. Diane 


Im not saying I'm a born- 
again. I'm not DMX. I’m 
talking about opening doors 
to areas I have been closed 
off to. Thinking about things 
like prayer, like having faith. 


Lane is hot. Ashley Judd. They're always 
sexy to me. I watched Total Recall recently, 
and Sharon Stone is unbelievable in that 
movie. It’s a different kind of sexy, though. 
‘The sexy like Sharon Stone in Total Recall 
is kick-your-ass-give-you-sex-and-be-nice- 
to-you sexy. But then there's the sexy of 
a Natalie Portman or an Anne Hathaway, 
who are just perfection embodied. Majestic 
goddesses. For me, it switches all the time. 
Sometimes I'm interested in somebody at 
the Spearmint Rhino strip club, and some- 
times I go to the library. I’m all over the 
place. Probably the sexiest woman I know 
is my mother. She's an ethereal angel. 
Nobody looks like that woman. If I could 
meet my mother and marry her, I would. 
I would be with my mother now, if she 
weren't my mother, as sick as that sounds. 
PLAYBOY: Interesting. By the way, do you 
ever think about getting into therapy? 
LABEOUF: [Laughs] No. 1 don't know why. I 
just don't think m someone who needs to 
analyze every move I make. For me, I look. 
at the shit I doand think, Okay, clearly this 
didn't work, but 70 percent of it is working, 
so we're still good. I fear a therapy situation 
would have me boxed into a certain type 


of behavior—that there's good and there's 
bad, and I'm one way ог the other. I like 
the ups and downs. I like running from 
extreme to extreme. I'm 22. I don't need to 
have everything figured out at this point. 
PLAYBOY: If you could erase something 
you've done, what would it bez 
LABEOUF: I don't think I would. 

PLAYBOY. What about the night you were 
arrested in Walgreens? 

LABEOUF: No, man. I can't take it back. 
I learned shit from all that. Walgreens 
was—I don't know what it was, actually. 
But in my mind Walgreens was a joke. 
То me it was hysterical. I was wasted out 
of my mind. Most of the problems in my 
personal life happened when I was intoxi- 
cated in some way. But when I'm drunk, 
my mind stops, and it stopped that night. 
1 was just being an idiot. 1 was wasted and 
I wanted to buy cigarettes, and I kept 
going back into the store even though the. 
security dude had asked me to leave. 
PLAYBOY; When you feel out of control, 
does anything settle you down? 
LABEOUF: Besides work? ГИ talk to my 
mom. My relationship with my parents 
is good these days. Mom will 
talk and make me deal with the silences. 
"That helps. And Dad, you know, he has 
his issues. He sits in the garage, smokes 
weed, hangs out, relaxes, chills, paints. 
He's big into motorcycles. But we talk, we 
laugh. ТЇЇ tell you, the man has golden 
sperm. He got lucky having me as a kid, 
and he knows it. He appreciates that. But 
beyond that, my biggest comfort right 
now is soul-searching. As cheesy as fuck 
as that sounds, religion has been interest- 
ing to me lately. Even though I'm Jewish 
and had a bar mitzvah, it's something I've 
never really looked at, never really put 
much behind. I've been propelled by self- 
motivation. But faith is something else. 
PLAYBOY: Did you have а come-to-Jesus 
moment? 

LABEOUF; No, no. Look, I'm not saying I'm 
a born-again. I'm not DMX. You won't 
see me coming out with a preacher film. 
I'm talking about opening doors to areas 
I have been closed off to. Thinking about 
things like prayer, like having faith that 
life will work out. I never really had much 
faith as a kid. Much of what I'm dealing 
with now is learning to be comfortable 
with myself and where I'm headed. That 
requires me to sit and be with myself— 
without people around, without my head 
messed up on ne hin Tm not talking 
about meditation. Just being quiet with. 
myself. The hardest thing in the world is 
being comfortable with myself. 

PLAYBOY. What went through your head. 
when Heath Ledger killed himself? Do you 
understand the mind of a man like that? 
Lageour: I understand where that guy 
was. I never had those thoughts, but after 
you get over the initial reaction people 
in my age group had—which was that 
we'd lost one of the pillars, we'd lost the 
Guy—you start to understand the white- 


(concluded on page 110) 


THE ONLY CORNERS WE CUT ARE ON THE PACK. 
THERE'S NO ВЕ 
ATTITUDE STARTS 
HE HIG 


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% t : "— 

( : sexual. Une 
THREESOMES, FOURSOMES AND MORESOMES ARE UAT MESSAGE AWAY 
FOR REAL-LIFE SWINGERS INDULGING IN HIGH-SPEED,CONNECTIONS 


em he man-or perhaps in dressed all in black and wearing a disturbingly realistic leather horse's head sits apparently 
| despondent (given the it’s hard to tell, but his or her body is slumped) on a bench across from the stage where three bare- 
s s taped to their nipples pose holding...are they dildos? The lighting is dim, and they are obscured by 

È. Through a doorway in the cavernous club- Passive Arts Studios near LAX in Los, 


through the crowd of perhaps 200 at the annual DomCon-Doi 
half-foot-tall transvestite dominatrix, as well as a bent-over 


sodomized by awoman wielding a butt plug 
the size of a sawed-off Louisville Slugger. 
A guy in his mid-70s-clearly the oldest in 
the group-in full leather regalia, handcuffs 
at his belt, whip under his arm, rocks 
his walker toward the unisex bathroom. 

"Bet he's seen some things in his time.” 
says a woman ina leather thong with studs 
through her nipples. 

"You mean weirder than this?” asks a 
man in black slacks and a blue blazer. 

"You have no idea,” the woman says, 
grinning, and sashays away, headed into the 
labyrinth of rooms in the back of the club. 

Two of the orgiasts who have joined 
Larry at the Fetish Ball come out of the 
bathroom. Betty, a blonde, and Veronica, 
a brunette, each take one of Larry's arms. 
Veronica's husband, Reggie, lags behind, 
scoping out a woman in a catsuit. 

“Can you believe,” says Betty, "someone 
in the bathroom line told us we didn't look 
like we belonged here?" 

Both women are dressed for an evening 
at the Bar Marmont (casual cocktail 
dresses), though Veronica may pass muster 
at the Fetish Ball since she is wearing a 
long, not quite translucent white gown 
with nothing underneath 

But it isn't really their scene 

"No one’s having any orgasms,” 
Veronica says, 

[апу takes a last look around the club and 
heads for the door, following Betty, Veronica 
and Reggie, who consider themselves 
а sexual trio. Betty comes to L.A. most 
weekends to play with Veronica and Reggie. 

In the past few months, Larry has been 
involved in orgies with both Betty and 
Veronica, who are part of a vast sexual 
underground that's different from the 
erotic underground of the 1970s and 19805, 
the era of Plato's Retreat and Sandstone. 
It's different in great part because of the 
influence of the Internet, which makes 
meeting easier and offers a larger pool of 
potential playmates. 

On the way out Lany, Betty, Veronica and 
Reggie pass the smorgasbord, which is serving, 
among other dishes, meatballs in sauce 


“If there's a smorgasbord,” a friend told 
Larry, "eat only prewrapped sandwiches— 
and avoid the mayonnaise" 


A few months earlier just before Christmas, 
at about 11:30 on a rainy winter Friday night 
in Los Angeles, Larry, in sweats and a T-shirt, 
gota phone call from Mercedes, a dancer he 
had recently met at a music-video shoot. 

"What are you doing?" Mercedes asked 
Larry said. He'd just gotten 
home from a long day of working on a TV 
show. "You?" 

“I'm at the Velvet Margarita,” Mercedes 
said. "Can | come over?” 

"Sure; Larry said. Why not? 

They had dated a few times. Successfully. 

"She's very sexual," Larry says about 
Mercedes. "She's “All | want to do is fuck 
you. | don't want to cuddle. | don't want a 
boyfriend.’ She has a boyfriend"-a minor 
celebrity-"and she's involved іп a culture 
that is very sexually open." Larry grins 
"Incredibly sexually open. Completely 
sexually open." 

Mercedes is part of the Los Angeles 
Lifestyle, or swingers, scene. For her 
business she travels frequently andwidel. 
She has contacts in the Lifestyle in most 
major cities. It's like being a member of a 
lodge, the Masons or the Elks: No matter 
where you go, all you have to do is signal 
your insider status and you're at home. If 
she visits a city where she doesn't know 
anyone, she can go on the Internet site 
she prefers, LifestyleLounge.com, and 
hook up with people who are into her 
scene: moderately kinky heterosexual and 
lesbian encounters 

Larry thought a night with Mercedes 
would be an uncomplicated way to unwind. 

Uncomplicated? 

Larry had no idea what he was in for. 

“It was pouring rain,” Larry says. “One 
of those five times a year it rains in LA. A 
torrential downpour” 

Larry lives in the hills, with a lot of cement 


steps leading up to his front door. He heard 
dack clack clack...the sound of one...two 
three sets of high heels approaching his place. 
Mercedes couldn't get the front door open 

“Larry,” Mercedes explains, "is an 
obsessive door locker.” 

Theworst rainstorm of the year, Mercedes 
pounded on the door. When Larry finally 
opened it, he saw Mercedes drenched, her 
blonde hairwet and pasted to her forehead 
and cheeks, in a black trench coat 

With another beautiful woman, Betty, also 
drenched, in a black trench coat and high heels. 

And a beautiful Asian woman, Kathy, 
also drenched, in a black trench coat and 
high heels. 

Their hair, before it was soaked, had been 
done up so they all looked like librarians. 

Larry said, "Hi, hi, hi. Whatever is going 
on here?" 

The three women came into his foyer, 
each pulling a rolling suitcase containing 
whatever she thought might come in handy 
during the night. 

"Everyone came with her own toys,” 
Larry explains. "Vibrators, dildos, this little 
vibrating handy thing. | don't know what it. 
was. It looks like a computer mouse." 

The Mouse, the Butterfly, the Rabbit, the 
Penguin-vibrators come with names that 
make them seem as innocuous as Disney 
cartoon characters 

Larry offered to take their coats. 

"He was trying to be a gentleman," 
Mercedes explains. 

She, Betty and Kathy got the giggles, They 
knew what the coats covered: Underneath 
they were wearing nothing but lingerie 

Larry says, “I was like, Why, | never! | do 
declare!” 

But, Larry says, “I knew exactly what 
was going to happen." Не grins. "Dreams 
do come true.” 

"Larry didn't miss a beat,” Mercedes recalls. 

His face registered no shock. No surprise. 

"What did Bear Bryant say about scoring 
a touchdown?" Larry says. "Act like you've 
been there before” 

Mercedes and her friends looked, 
Mercedes says, (continued on page 111) 


“Which lingerie would you like me to wear for tonight's orgy?" 


( sue can оо A зов on А POPSICLE, ) 
( BUT WHEN ў COMES TO ACTING, ; g 
( america DOESN'T SUCK | 


PHOTOGRAPHY 


ast you saw America Olivo 
| К was being banged 

from behind and then 
killed in the recent Friday the 
13th reboot. This month she hits 
the big screen again, as a drug- 
running, street-fighting lesbian 
in the much buzzed-about Bitch 
Slap. Don't typecast this über- 
talent: The 31-year-old eamed 
her degree as a mezzo-soprano 
(that's opera talk) at this coun- 
try finest music school, Juilliard, 
in New York. "Every time | sang 
а song about love,” she giggles, 
"my 97-year-old mentor would 
say, You can't really sing a song 
like this until you've lost your vir- 
ginity, and can tell you haven't!” 
Here's how she describes her 
"cherry-poppin' moment": "I lost 


my virginity in Rome in а park 
with a view of the Vatican—liter- 
ally" Miss Ameríca signed with 
DreamWorks Records, toured 
the world with her band, Soluna, 
and then fell into acting. (She 
has four movies coming out in 
2009.) Filming Bitch Slap, she 
had to do "blatant lesbian scenes 
‘ona trapeze, in which I'm making 
out, kissing this girl between the 
legs and riding her so intensely | 
was more sore than a mofo" The. 
film will feature the longest girl 
fight in cinema history. Ameríca 
also wrote and performed two 
songs for the movie. We knew 
we loved her soon after she 
showed up at the studio for her 
shoot. In minutes she was pogo 
sticking around in nothing but a 
pair of Keds. “It felt so innocent,” 
she says. "Like, Yaaay! It's great 
to be naked!” Isn't it, though? 


(“i une | 

| ЗЕХ АТ ). 
(any Given ) 
| MOMENT. { 
(THERE'S ) 
(TIME, wav ) 
"| wor?" / 


НЕ SEARCHES POR HER IN А.А; S 

y ES 

ON THE SEX-FOR ШЕР ӨТКІР. 

HE TRIES TO FIND. HEP. IN ONE-NIGHT N ўч 


STANDS, BUT (¿Y 4 


1 


\ 
FROM THE MASTER OF 


AMERICAN CRIME WRITING, 
THE SECOND INSTALLMENT OF HIS MEMOIR 
OF HAUNTED LOVE 


PART II 


s 
want to hold your hand. 
That was the conclud- 
ing shtick. You sat through 
the drunk-and-dopealogues 
and laced up for the Lord's 
Prayer. Ninety minutes of con- 
fession for 20 seconds of skin. 
1 had to reconstruct my life. 
That felt like drudge work. The 
dykey redhead beside me felt 
like momentary payoff. 

My first AA meeting. Mon- 
day, August 1, 1977. 

| was 29. | survived the 
seven-year run of inhaler wads 
and psychoses. | quit booze, 
weed and pharmaceutical 
uppers. My new regime was 
abstinence. It boded horrific 
! quit shoplifting and break- 
ing into houses. | had not 
had a spiritual awakening. An 
inhaler-inflicted lung abscess 
constituted a death scare. My 
compulsive appetite had hung 
a 180. The straight and narrow 
beckoned. A ruthless self- 
interest defined my apostasy. 
| wanted women. | wanted to 
write novels. Sobriety meant 
efficiency. | couldn't advance 
my agenda in my current 
raggedy-ass state. 

The meeting dragged 
on. Most people smoked, 
The fumes tickled my heal- 
ing lung tissue. An AA guy 
called the redhead Leslie. 
She looked like a low-rent 
Marcia Sidwell. Aaah, Marcia 
our chaste Brief Encounter. 
The hand-holding ended 
Leslie never glanced at me. 
You came that far for this? 


000 
Things weren't that bad. My 
chronic cough was cured. | was 
young and heroically resilient. 
| had а caddy gig at Bel-Air 
Country Club. | had a $20-a- 
week hotel room. The com- 
munal bathrooms and shower 
were down the hall. The in- 
room sink was a pissoir. 

A new Beethoven poster 
loomed above my bed. | 
played the Master's soaring 
psalms on an eight-track con- 
traption and brooded. A late- 
blooming moral sense kept 
me from peeping. | peered 
now. | roamed Westwood 
Village, stared and stopped 
short of approach. | possessed 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY JAMES IMBROGNO 


50 


по notion of a social code. The world was still hazy. The 
sexual revolution applied to other folks. The permissive- 
ness of the era belonged to the cute and the glib. | was a 
tenuously reformed pervert, adrift. 

Sex had almost killed me. It was drug driven and solitary. 
It was a still memorable blur of women's faces. | credited 
God with the save and pondered His mission for me. It came 
down to write books and find The Other. That was 32 years 
ago. The faces swirl inside me decades later. The women 
remain as images seeking a narrative thread. They did not 
know who | was then and do not know who | am now. Real 
women have joined them. Real experience and active dis- 
course have in no way dissolved 
the blur. My lustful heart has 
expanded to keep them all in. 

1 attributed my near death to 
The Curse. It was divine pun- 
ishment and collateral damage 
to the death | had caused. Му 
mother was 19 years dead. Her 
murder was still unsolved. | car- 
ried no love for her and ignored 
my debt to her. | feared her 
power and nullified it by ban- 
ishing her from my mind. 

My hotel room was narrow 
and underfurnished. | kept 
it spotlessly clean. | rarely 
turned the lights on. | played 
Beethoven and talked to 
women, dead sober. 

The Hancock Park girls from 
my childhood were there. The 
wish-named Joan from Santa 
Monica appeared often. | men- 
tally aged her to 38 years 
and reveled in her power as 
a shape-shifter and predictor. 
She had preannounced the real 
Joan. | knew | would meet her 
someday. The real Joan turned 
12 that year. 

I created a visual palette with 
a newly urgent soundtrack. | 
heard women's confessions 
in AA. | weighed their depic- 
tions of gender bias and sexual 
trauma sans judgment or male bias. | conversed with them 
in the dark. | was consoler, interlocutor, friend. Lives of 
thwarted hunger led us to that first kiss. 

The fantasy was endlessly repetitive and easily trans- 
ferred. | went face-to-face in search of transcendent sex 
and probity. | embraced woman images discerningly and 
abandoned them callously. Sobriety enhanced my fanta- 
sist's prowess and fucked with my powers of suppression. 
| felt voodooized. It was a crybaby crisis and punch-the- 
wall fury fit, It drove me to the point of action. 

With the knowledge that women would not read my 
mind and thus detect my prayerful condition. 

With the knowledge that my moral intent appeared to 
them as pure lust. 

With the knowledge that women did not view me as a 
savior and were quite often afraid of me. 

| lurked in bookstores near the UCLA campus. | read 
women's faces for character and a sense of humor that 
might mark them as susceptible to my charm. My pickup 
lines all pertained to books and were all levied on women 
who appeared to be self-assured and brainy. They had 
survived the stringent first cut: no heavy makeup, no nail 
polish, no sexy chick affect or rock-and-roll trappings. | 


was seeking a blend of wholesomeness and hot passion. 1 
was looking for a fellow autodidact oblivious to trend. 

The first run of women rejected me fast. | betrayed 
myself instantly. Conversation sandbagged me. My 
mouth twitched, my beady eyes burned, my jerky body 
set off alarms. My glasses slid down my nose. | displayed 
stubby teeth caused by losing fistfights and poor dental 
care. | was an SOS call. Women knew it immediately. The 
brush-offs convinced me to readjust my criteria and up 
the ante spiritually. 

Only lonely and haunted women would grok my gravity. 
They were sister misfits attuned to my wavelength. Only 
they grooved internal discourse 
and sex as sanctified flame. 
Their soiled souls were socked 
in synch with yours truly. 

My rationale was that con- 
voluted. My love seeking was 
that mystical and predatory. 
1 threw myself at a second 
run of record-store women. 
They possessed less than stel- 
lar world-standard looks and 
were stunningly unsvelte. | dug 
them and wanted them. / got 
them. They all blew me off. My 
opening salvos all pertained 
to Beethoven. They were all 
perusing classical-music LPs. 
| flopped again. Their alarms 
scree-screed. A Beethovian 
principle was at work here. 
Beethoven was the only artist 
in history to rival the unpub- 
lished Ellroy. He was а fel- 
low brooder, nose picker and 
ball scratcher. He yearned for 
women in silent solitude, His 
soul volume ran at my shriek- 
ing decibel. You and me, kid: 

Her, She, the Immortal 
Beloved/The Other. Conjunc- 
tion, communion, consecra- 
tion and the completion of 
the whole. The human race 
advanced and all souls salved 
as two souls unite. The sacred 
merging of art and sex to touch God. 

Those women could not have read my heart. My heart 
would have terrified them. 

1 want to crawl up inside you and offer you the same 
comfort. Cup my ears. ГИ do the same for you. The 
scream of the world is unbearable, and only we know 
what it means. 

1 put that out to total strangers. My botched repar- 
tee was the scream. It was the high-note dissonance in 
Beethoven's late quartets. Jean Hilliker told me the facts 
of life in early "58. She said, “The man puts his penis in the 
woman's vagina." It was a shallow and clinical précis then, 
as it remains. My mother undermined her power. She could 
not have predicted The Curse and the arc of our fates. 


(top), written as he 
embraced sobriety, an obsessive work ethic and more 
women; the cover of his first best-seller, The Black 
Dahlia (left); the author at the age of 31 (right). 


XXXXX 
That death scare kept me focused. The dutiful part 
of my nature got buttressed all day every day. | was 
guilt racked and devoutly religious at my core. АА 
offered me absolutism and a compatible latitude in 
my faith. Half of my sober comrades were women. | 
studied them and tore through unrequited crushes at 
great speed. They joined me (continued on page 100) 


“Okay, Big Boy, where's the fire?” 


UMM 


hink about theway Janis Joplin could wrench 
allthe love juice out of the word summer- 
time. (If you're too young to know this 
song, YouTube it immediately) She says it 
all in those three briliant syllables. Summer is about 
adventure. It's about late nights, partying, sex and 
sun, about the impulse in ай men that makes us drive 
until we hit water. We can't sing like Janis, but we сап 
put out a great magazine celebrating our favorite sea- 
son. What do we love most about summer? It starts 
here: the sight of a beautiful woman with tanned 
skin exposed. If you were wondering, this is Danish 
swimsuit model Ann Lodberg, shot on the beach in 
Australia. See more of her at annlodberg com. 


THERE WILL NEVER AGAIN BEA 
SUMMER OF 2009. TAKE IT BY 
THE HORNS 


| @ DREAM волт 


How's this for an afternoon? You're lying in the 
sun on a boat. You jump in some cool water, 
get out, crack a beer, jump back in, get out, 
have sex, beer number two, jump back in, beer 
number three, then cruise into the sunset in 
search of a delicious dinner. Not necessarily 
in that order. As for the hardware, you may 
not be able to afford the gazillion-dollar 148 
Saudade, Wally's biggest megayacht yet (at 
148 feet), built for global blue-water cruising 
and photographed here in Porto Cervo on the 
north end of Sardinia. But given the economy, 
there may be no better time to hunt for your 
dream boat. There are eye-popping deals on 
every kind imaginable at boattrader.com 


ч 

Below, clockwise from top left: Anderson Valley Brewing 
Company Summer Solstice Cerveza Crema-A crisp and 
foamy treat from are of our favorite hippie microbreweries. 
Primo Island Lager-After a 10-year hiatus the original surf- 
centric Hawaiian brew rides a wave back to the mainland. An 
infusion of sugarcane adds a Polynesian twist to traditional 
lager flavor. Lagunitas Lucky 13- Delicious and more than 
eight percent alcohol by volume. New Belgium Skinny Dip- 
This one's for her; it has 114 calories a bottle, not counting the 
requisite lemon twist. Thomas Hooker Watermelon Ale- 
An effervescent sipper from Connecticut. Looking for a good 
time? This Hooker is worth every penny. Beach Bum Blonde 
Ale- Imagine the hottest blonde you've ever seen on a beach. 
Now imagine what her lips taste like when you kiss her: citrusy, 
fruit forward. You know you're going back for more 


ER 


WATERMELON 
WHALE Me 


This summer kiteboard- 
ing supplants Jet Skiing as 
the beach-resort sport du 
jour. Slip your feet into a 
board, strap yourself to a 
big kite and let mother 
nature hurl you like а 
skipping stone. Work up 
enough speed and you 
feel like Jesus walking on 
water. The sport was pio- 
neered off Maui in the 
19905; now you can learn 
at any number of resorts 
in Mexico and the Carib- 
bean. Our favorite kite- 
boarder: Kristin Boese, а 
German vixen who tums 
32 this month and has 
won eight kiteboarding 
world championships. 
Here she is in action and 
nude in the pages of 
German pLaveoy. "I 
wouldn't mind doing an- 
other shoot tomorrow," 
she says, "maybe 
with U.S. puayaoy?” 
You never know. 


FAIRWAW.TO HEAVEN 


Whether you love golf or not, you can't have a bad day cruising around a gor- 
geous course with a cart-mounted bar, breathing in the scent of the green 
grass. If you are a swinger, here's a bit of golf porn for you: the 500-yard 
par-five sixth hole that runs along the sea at America's old faithful, Pebble 
Beach Golf Links, just north of Big Sur in California. The course will host its 
fifth U.S. Open next summer. Book your tee time at pebblebeach.com. 


BMW'S NEW $40,000 SUPERCAR. THE 
HARDTOP CONVERTIBLE 74 ROADSTER WITH 
SPORT PACKAGE WILL HIT 150 MPH. 


| Se ROAD WARRIOR 2009 


There's no time like the present to live out 
your road-movie fantasy. Hit man Dick Hooker 
(played by you) and his porn-star gal pal, Trixie 
Vixen (your girlfriend), cross the border to kill 
a Mexican drug dealer (Burt Reynolds) in this 
high-octane Ridley Scott-directed thriller. 
Here's a sweet little ride that'll get you there 
BMW's newly styled Z4 roadster, now with а 
two-piece aluminum folding hardtop (and a 
manageable tag starting around 540K). Opt 
for the twin-turbo three-liter 300-horsepower 
sDrive35l and the Sport Package, with a slick- 
shifting seven-speed dual-clutch paddle-shift 
sport automatic. Zero to 60 goes by in a swift 
five seconds. Huge ventilated disc brakes? 
Fifty-fifty weight distribution? Every possible 
safety feature? Check, check and check 


- 


(6 


(SERVES FOUR) 
1. Boil four one-pound lobsters 
until they are bright red. 

2. Crack off tails and remove meat. 
Snap off claws and legs. 

3. Place claws and legs in a Ziploc 
bag and pulverize with a hammer. 


Pick out meat. In a large bowl, mix 
meat and four diced celery ribs 
with 4 tbsp. mayo, Ya tsp. salt, Ya 
tsp. pepper and Ya tsp. celery salt. 
Chill in refrigerator for one hour. 
4. Butter the inside of four hot- 
dog buns. Toast, inside down, 
then spoon in lobster mixture. 


(see below). 2. The more clothes you keep on, the faster your recovery time should anyone wander by. 3. Unless you're inclined to try the From Here to 
Eternity pose, standing positions keep friction areas free of sand and the rest of you free of bugs. 4. Remember the Boy Scouts? The most valuable 
lesson you learned was how to spot poison ivy-three almond-shape leaves, a hairy vine and grayish-white berries 


Judy Dutton 


SUNRISE IN MARTHAS VINEYARD, MA. 


С 

Every summer, Hollywood execs crunch their butt cheeks 
together and gamble hundreds of millions on would-be sum- 
mer blockbusters. Will the film be another Star Wors (number 
two all-time moneymaker in inflation-adusted dollars), an ET. 
(four) or a Jaws (seven)? Or will it be another Adventures of 
Pluto Nash, the Eddie Murphy "vehicle" that came out in sum- 
mer 2002 and ranks as the biggest financial flop of all time? 
What drama! We're putting our money this summer on Land. 
of the Lost (Will Ferrell, Danny McBride), Public Enemies (Johnny 
Depp, Christian Bale) and Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen 
(Shia LaBeouf and the furiously foxy Megan Fox, pictured). 


1. Pick an appropriate spot away from any buildings or over- 
hanging trees. It should not be on grass. Dig a foot-deep 
hole. The size can vary depending on the size of the fire you 
want. If practical, surround your hole with rocks. Think of the 
five-foot radius around the rocks as a buffer zone where you 
shouldn't leave anything flammable. 

2. Assemble a "log cabin" center. Fill with kindling and 
newspaper. Now lay smaller sticks across the logs. Using 
medium-size pieces of wood, build additional levels over 
the top in a pyramid shape. Be sure to space out the wood 
for good airflow and to leave a place for you to reach in and 
light the kindling. 

3. Build a tepee around your log cabin. This is where your big 
long pieces of wood come into play. Again, leave a gap so you 
can reach through to light the center. 

4, Ignite the center. Blow into it as necessary to accelerate a 
chain reaction-which, it tums out, is what she said. 

5. Pop open beer. Grab guitar. Force everyone to listen to 
your Bob Dylan impression. 


Show up at your local curl with a surfboard like the one pictured below and 
you'd better know how to surf. Called Voodoo Child, the board was designed by 
California artist Drew Brophy (drewbrophy.com). Looking to buy a present for a 
guy who has it all? Get him a submarine. А real one. Navy Surplus is offering 
a 274-foot Whiskey-class sub decommissioned in 1991. Range: 12,000 miles 
The engines have a total of 14,200 horsepower. All that's missing is the liquor 
and the DJ ($497K, e-mail submarine@projectboats сот). Time to stock up for 
July 4. America's top fireworks outfit, TNT Fireworks, has some new stuff this 
season. Our favorite is the Legal Limit Finale, nine little missiles that emit "an 
enormous amount of beautiful red and blue stars along with a silver bouquet 
and crackling flowers," according to the product lit. See tntfireworks.com to 
find a retailer. Don't forget the staples. Forflip-flops, we like the skull pattern 
from Brazilian outfit Havaianas (havaianas.com). As for shades, the Wayfarer 
is back in, as if it everwent out (rayban.com). Our favorite swimwear is from 
Sundeck-old-school California cool (sundeck.com) 


m 
at а 
лау 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY NIGEL PARRY 
PHOTOGRAPHED AT SMOKE JAZZ & SUPPER CLUB NYC 


DURING THE 1960s BOOKER T. JONES 


MADE MEMPHIS THE SOUL CAPITAL 


OF THE WORLD. TODAY HE'S 
MAKING THE BEST MUSIC 


OF HIS CAREER 
by Robert Gordon 


Y ouve toon here before, you're thinke 
ing. That guitar, strangely familiar. When 
the organ kicks in, you look over your 
shoulder. Butwhat's coming together baf- 
fles as it engulfs. Then the chorus swells 
and there's definition: OutKast's “Hey 
Ya!" But why does the guitar sound like 
Neil Young and the organ like a lost soul 
classic, and why is the feel of the thing as 
fresh as a new car on an open road? 

It has been nearly 20 years since Booker 
T. Jones released а solo album, about а 
decade since the last album by Booker 
T. and the MGs and nearly 50 years since 
“Green Onions; the MGS first hit-and the 
rare song that sounds more contemporary 
every time you hear it. So the new life he 
gives to "Hey Ya!" isn't the surprise; it's 
the excitement of his interpretation. 

Famed for the Southern soul he cre- 
ated in his hometown of Memphis, Jones 


has lived for the past 15 years in Marin 
County, outside San Francisco, having 
moved there after nearly 25 years in Los 
Angeles. Beneath the vaulted ceiling of 
his living room there's a Yamaha baby 
grand with a practice book, Hanon's Vir- 
tuoso Pianist in Sixty Exercises open and 
beckoning. His Hammond B-3-Booker's 
signature instrument-claims part of 
the dining room. Booker T. is a lean and 
sharp 64 years old, but he could easily 
pass for a couple of decades younger. 
Booker T. and the MGs-Steve Cropper 
on guitar, Duck Dunn on bass, Jones on 
organ and piano and Al Jackson J on drums 
(since his unsolved murder in 975, various 
drummers have substituted)-were the 
house band at Stax Records through the 
19605. They can be heard on nearly every 
hit by Otis Redding and Sam & Dave, as 
well as Wilson Pickett's "In the Midnight. 


57 


ТГ ТЕК EE TEG 


Booker T. Jones is best known for his 1962 Hammond B-3 classic "Green 


f$ воокевт. 


Onions," but he has always been a musician's musician. 


Hour" Rufus Thomas’s "Walking the Dog" and their own hits, among 
them the instrumentals "Hip Hug Her" and "Time Is Tight.” Their 
soulful versatility made them the obvious selection as house band at 
Atlantic Records’ 1986 celebration, which led to a gig as house band at 
Madison Square Garden's Bob Fest honoring Bob Dylan's 30 years in 
music; there they backed up Neil Young, who asked them to tour and 
record with him. They were also the house band for the grand opening. 
of the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, and Eric Clapton enlisted them to 
back everyone at his first Crossroads Festival. Booker T. and the MGs 
have been inducted into the rock Hall of Fame and received a Grammy 
Lifetime Achievement Award. They bring out the best in a musician. 
Known for being able to play anything with anyone, Jones finds a 
new directionwith his latest release, the smoking-hot Potato Hole. One 


BOOKER'S RESERVE 


& THE MGs 


of the most famous organ players of all time, Jones has 
made his first guitar album. Potato Hole is as funky as 
most anything he has done, and as soulful, but the mass 
of rocking guitars is new territory and thrilling, "Neil Young, 
was the main influence for this record," he says, also citing 
Lynyrd Skynyrd. Jones composed the songs on the guitar, 
and to get the attack he needed he brought in the three- 
guitar army of the Drive-By Truckers, fueled further by 
Mr. Young himself-on guitar only and ready for bear, just 
wailing. "Booker's ear is so fine-tuned,” says Patterson 
Hood of the Truckers. "We'd be rehearsing, and he'd say, 
“If you would move your index finger up one fret, and you 
[another guitarist] move down one, let's see what hap- 
pens’ The whole thing would open up in new ways.” 

1 was surprised he wanted so many guitars,” says 
Truckers guitarist Mike Cooley. “Then I heard the demos. 
His guitar was all fuzzed out, and | knew why he was 
coming to us. The opening song-that's how you make 
an entrance. Bam! This is going to rock.” 

Pound It Out,” that first track, opens with a riff 
of classic organ notes and then a guitar so crunchy it 
sounds like the speakers are disintegrating. Before you 
can check for damage, it repeats itself: classic organ, 
arena guitar. "It's a call-and-response,” says Booker. 
"| ask, ‘Are you there?’ And they answer, ‘Yeah, we're 
here: It's definitely a testing of the boundaries and а 
pushing back.” That's the Booker T. Jones story: Test 
the boundaries, find a new place to go. 


* 


Booker T. Jones comes from a family of pursuers. His 
grandfather owned land in Mississippi when few blacks 
could, and on it he built not only a home but a school in 
which he taught others. Jones's father moved to Mem- 
phis and taught math at Booker T. Washington High School, the neigh- 
borhood institution from which many of the Stax players graduated. 

Jones heard his own calling in elementary school, and though 
fourth-graders were too young to join the school band, he got in by 
taking the instrument no one else wanted- oboe. He shifted to clari- 
net, then piano. The movement from a C instrument to a B-flat and 
back to a C inscribed a strong sense of musical structure early. 

One sound, however, remained unfamiliar and intriguing. Jones 
would stand outside the neighborhood's sanctified church he was 
afraid to enter, and outside the Club Handy he was forbidden to enter, 
listening. “I wasn't surewhat it was,” he says of the Hammond organ, 
which emanated from-and seemed to function similarly in- both 
places. “You talk about makingtheroom ^ (concluded on page 118) 


7 


Nc 


SOME OF BOOKER'S FAVORITE MUSICIANS: 


WILLIE NELSON 
"When we started working on Stardust, we 
thought we were the only two who really 
enjoyed this music. In 1976 these were old 
songs, and there wasn't a lot of remaking 
going on. It was a maverick thing to бо” 


BOB DYLAN 
“| hadn't expected to be recording with Bob 
that day. I don't recall how our party got from 
my house down to the studio, but | ended up 


with a bass in my hand, playing on ‘Knockin’ 
оп Heaven's Door. I recall it being one of those 
two a.m- or three a.m.-type sessions.” 


OTIS REDDING 


“Of all these names, he and | spent the most 
basic, honest time together-and at a young, 
tender age. One of my first experiences with 
Otis had to do with creating new phrases, 
new musical feelings. The way the song 
builds in ‘Try a Little Tenderness’ and ‘I've 
Been Loving You Too Long’-that was new. 
That was an exercise in real honesty.” 


NEIL YOUNG 


"| never looked for sounds that big before | 
knew Neil. In the 1990s we did a tour playing 
his stuff- Cinnamon Girl; “Southern Man: All 
those songs had a big rock-band sound. I emu- 
lated that big guitar sound on Potato Hole" 


JIMMY SMITH 


“I neverknew Jimmy Smith, but Iwas imitat- 
ing things he was doing on the Hammond. 
Some people come into the world knowing 
how to do things, and they're wondrous.” 


N 
NS ES 
_ ENS 


SSS 


= 


59 


"t be burying 


moon, we wouldn 


the full 
him in the pet cemetery. 


died during. 


"Of course, if he hadn't 


so 


AROLL 
IN THE 
HAY WITH = 

GORGEOUS MISS JUNE 


RODEO 


is wholesome and natural yet wise beyond her years. She is 

decent, churchgoing and sexy as all goddamn hell. Tough, 

independent, loyal, suntanned from living out her days 
beneath the big sky.... 

If you're a true PLAYBOY fan, you know farmer's daughter Candice 
Cassidy made her first appearance with us as a Cyber Girl in 2006, 
re-creating old Centerfolds from the 1950s, 1960s, 1970s and 1980s. 
Now that she's Miss June, we wanted to photograph her in all her 
glory down home on the farm, naturally. The 23-year-old Ohio native 
lives on her family's 60-acre homestead, where her mother breeds 
Tennessee walking horses. Growing up, Candice tended the stalls 
and rode often. But as a kid, she found she was as interested in 
dance as she was in horsing around. 

“Му mom put me in classes when | was three because | was a little 
shy," she says. The plan worked: Candice isn't shy anymore. She 
owns one of the biggest dance studios in her area. She teaches tap, 
ballet, jazz and Iyrical dance four nights a week, in addition to studying 
psychology at a local college. (She just graduated.) She plans to get 
her master's degree and will use her Playmate earnings to leave the 
family farm and buy some property nearby. Since her Cyber Girl days 
Candice has also been commuting between Ohio and Los Angeles. 
She says she's seduced by the City of Angels. “I would say my biggest 
excitement is flying out for parties every month,” she explains. “I live 
in a rural area, and there's no place to hang out except in people's 
houses." Still, she says, she'll always be a farm girl at heart. 

Candice is currently single, having recently broken up with a guy 
she'd been dating since she was 14. “I have a weakness for bad boys 
with beautiful eyes," she tells us. "Eminem would be my dream date." 
To all the Slim Shadies out there, Miss June hopes to get married and 
have a family within the next five years. In the meantime.... "There are 
so many things | want to do!” she says. Ride on, Candice. 


T he farm-girl fantasy holds a special place in Americana. She 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY ARNY FREYTAG 


PLAYMATE DATA SHEET 


NAME: Candice Cassidy 
BUST: BAC WAIST: AY HIPS: BW 
HEIGHT: Бар WEIGHT: 125 
srera pare: 10-23-85 preruprace: Portsmouth Ohio 
Aree medie] have. A Success Ploumate career 
kv in music videos + Knish My Master's dege. 
TURN-ONS : А who is Ооо, honest Опа 
го С оба who Auch? 
TURNOFFS : AYYDOQNCE , Head yir, A Selfishness, 
Qon oXiou. OPUS Ana Hal du whites. 
FAMOUS DANCERS I ADMIRE: WO. Michaels, en un. 
Shane Sparks, Wade Roloson, Quest Creu) + Tyre Dorio. 
ANIMALS I TAKE CARE OF: Dido, my OAdoralye unite 
Chihuahua зец, My white Dover; Our eon 
Tennessee Walking horses wo eats; о. apa. 
A BOOK I RECOMMEND AND WHY: Mne Note book (9201252. 
every gri wants 0. guy lika Nooh. 
THE BEST WAY TO BLOW OFF SOME STEAM: Dancing ч Shopeing, 


"Yankee Dle Santa” 


Mior 
Top routine age eicht pe 


ose. (8. 


My frst 
Playboy bikini. 


WATCH MISS JUNES VIDE 


MISS JUNE PLAYBOY’S PLAYMATE OF THE MONTH 


MISS JUNE нлп жили or oh 


PLAYBOY’S PARTY JOKES 


The economy is so bad that now when my sec- 
retary tells me my broker is on the phone, 1 
have to ask, "Stock or pawn? 


А customer returned to the bar from the 
men's room, shaking his head. "What's the 
matter?" inquired the bartender. 

“While I was in the bathroom I noticed writ- 
ing on the wall that reads, suzy GIVES GREAT 
HEAD." 

"Ah, buddy," the bartender interrupted, “1 
wouldn't give ita second thought. We get jerks 
in here like anywhere else." 

“I know,” continued the head-shaker. “They 
scratched out the phone number." 


What's the one problem with oral sex? 
The view. 


A guy went intoa pharmacy and asked if they 
sold erectile-dysfunction pills. Upon receiving 
an affirmative, the guy asked, “Can I get it over 
the counter?” 

“Hmmm,” mused the pharmacist. “Maybe if 
you took two pills.” 


A young man who was being interviewed to 

join the police force was asked, “What would 

you do if you had to arrest your own mother?” 
He answered, “Call for backup.” 


Why is a laundromat a really bad place to pick 
up a woman? 

Because a woman who can't afford a wash- 
ing machine will probably never be able to 
support you. 


Ten-year-old twins visiting their grandmother 
asked her, “What's it called when one person 
sleeps on top of the other?” 

Thinking they would eventually find out 
anyway, she told the two boys it's called sex. 

"The next day one of them called her, 
very upset, and said, "It's called bunk beds, 
Grandma, and now we aren't allowed to share 
a room!" 


Алу guy thinking about asking a woman for 
her hand in marriage should look at all the 
definitions of engagement. One reads, “to do 
battle with the enemy." 


Our Unabashed Dictionary defines laptop as 
a stripper who incorporates a spin into her 
lap dance. 


The recently married young woman was 
weeping and pouring out her heart to a mar- 
riage counselor. "Isn't there some way —with- 
out turning into а nag—that I can keep my 
husband in line?” 

"Well," he said, “maybe that's the problem. 
Your husband shouldn't have to wait in line." 


Wives are ironic creatures. They don't have 
sex with their husbands for weeks, and then 
they want to kill any woman who does. 


А man was on trial for armed robbery. The. 
jury foreman came out and announced, "Not 


hat's awesome!" the defendant shouted. 
“Does that mean I can keep the money?" 


Why do guys enjoy masturbation so much? 
Because your hand will continue to please 
you even after you slip a ring on its finger. 


p Mimo 


How is having unprotected sex like having а 
401(k)? 
You have to know when to pull out. 


A young woman ran to her mother and said 
ecstatically, “Tim passed his bar exam, so we're 
going to get married next spring!” 

“Gee, honey,” her mother replied, “he'll be 
real busy. Don't you think you two should wait 
till he's been practicing for a year or so?" 

“Oh, Mom,” the daughter said, blushing, 
“we've been practicing.” 


What's the best way to get into a sleeping 
bag? 
Wake her up first. 


Send your jokes to Party Jokes Editor, pıavnov, 680 
North Shore Drive, Chicago, Illinois 60611, 
or by e-mail through our website at jokes.playboy.com. 
PLAYBOY will pay $100 to the contributors whose sub- 
missions are selected. 


"Haven't you ever heard of a double wedding?” 


29 


SCOTT BORAS 


BASEBALL'S "AVENGING AGENT" SOUNDS OFF ON MEGAMILLION- 
DOLLAR CONTRACTS, SPORTS GROUPIES, THE STEROIDS ERA AND 
WHY MANNY RAMIREZ REALLY WANTED OUT OF BOSTON 


9 

212217 Fans say you're greedy, Are they right? 
2112111 The last time | looked, fon was short 
for fanatic, Fans are fanatical about their favor- 
Ite team. But athletes have cholces. They don't 
want to be 50 years old, saying, “I turned down 
$70 million, | could have done more for my fam- 
ly, my community, my church?" A player's life 
span in the game is short; his agent is there to 
help him. In the end It's not about the fans. I'm 
not here to win a popularity contest. 


Q 

2121127 You have three of baseball's five best- 
paid players In your stable-Alex Rodriguez, Mark 
Telxelra and Manny Ramlrez-all of whom make 
more than $20 million a year, Their multiyear 
contracts add up to half a billion dollars. With the 
economy tanking, have salaries topped out? 
15:1.) don't see that, Baseball has had record 
revenues for years. | expect we'll see a ballplayer 
making $35 million to $40 million a year in the 
next decade. 


9 
211817 Did you know A-Rod used steroids? 
If not, should you have known? 

212122 Рт not answering questions like that. 
You need to ask the player. 


m 
21112111 You and A-Rod almost split up in 
2007 after he opted out of his Yankees contract, 


upstaging the World Serles. What happened? 
21215 The purpose of the opt out was to get 
the Yankees to say, "Wait a minute. Don't opt out, 
Maybe we'll Increase his compensation." But we 
didn't want the public to know-that was clearly 
not In our best interests. As for upstaging the 
Serles, what about Fox? If they thoughtit damaged 
the integrity of the game, they didn't have to cut in 
with the news during a World Series game, In 1985 
Major League Baseball announced its drug policy 
after game three, a move thatwas wholly Intended 
to get attention during the Series, Still, I have to be 
accountable. 1 could have handled that better. 


9 

21711 Your former client Barry Bonds was 
Indicted for perjury In a steroids case. Bonds still 
wants to play, but no team will sign him, even 
at the minimum salary of $390,000. Does that 
smack of collusion? 

11271 There's some potential litigation about 
that. I don't have all the facts. will say | was very 
surprised he wasn't playing last year. Anybody 
with that much talent whose name Isn't Barry 
Bonds would have been offered a contract, 


“6 
7. (7 We have to talk roids, How should the 
Hall of Fame deal with players of the steroids era? 
1171.21 Look, the Най of Fame is for players 
who distinguished themselves ín their day. Each 
era has distinctive features-from equipment 


PLAYBOY 


74 


and rules to pharmacology, surgical advancements, labor agree- 
ments, federal and state laws- that impact performance. The 
game is always changing. The Hall's scroll of admission must 
be drafted with a fluid and broad pen. Only then can it recognize. 
excellence from every era. 


97 
PLAYBOY: Manny Ramirez made himself such a distraction for 
the Red Sox last year that they traded him to L.A., where he led the 
Dodgers to the playoffs. Why did he want out of Boston? 
BORAS: Manny enjoyed his Red Sox teammates and loved the. 
organization, but he did not enjoy living in Boston. It wore him 
out. He wasn't comfortable. It wasn’t like Cleveland. 


8 

PLAYBOY: He wanted out. mod Boston isn't like Cleveland? 

BORAS: [Nodding] For Manny, environment is important. He 
had liked living in the Cleveland suburbs. | said, "Manny, | want 
you to play in L.A. They've got some really good young hitters, 
but they need a slugger, and Pasadena's a lot like those Cleve- 
land suburbs.” He had been to L.A. only three times in his life, 
but once we got him there he said, “This is the spot for me.” 


09 

PLAYBOY: Do you advise young players to watch out for base- 
ball grouples? 

BORAS: That's a huge Issue because you have high school boys 
making millions. We have a booklet for young players that tells 
them about paternity suits. It says, "If a woman has your child, 
itcan cost you $2 million over the course of 18 years to raise that 
child,” We talk about using protection and having safe sex. 


910 
PLAYBOY: Rubbers for rookies? 
BORAS: Players can also follow a ritual: If you meet a girl at the 
ballpark, ask her If she knows any players from last year's team 
and from the year before that. A girl who hangs around the ball- 
park year after year may be looking for something other than 
what you're looking for. She may see you as her ticket out of 
town. So we tell young players, "An interaction with the wrong 
type of girl can wreck your career” 


qu 
PLAYBOY: Grouples used to be called Baseball Annies. What's 
the nastiest term you've heard for them? 

BORAS: Road beef. 


912 
PLAYBOY: You've said you'd rather watch a ball game than do 
anything else. Does that mean baseball is better than sex? 
BORAS: [Laughing] Well, | may be better at watching baseball! 


913 

PLAYBOY: You grew up опа farm near Sacramento, California. 
What were your chores? 

BORAS: Milking cows, cleaning the barn. | wrecked a trac- 
tor, too. My dad didn't tell me that listening to Giants 
games on the radio would distract me from my chores, so 1 
got an oversize baseball cap and taped a transistor radio to 
the inside of it. 1 was driving the tractor, listening to a ball 
game, when one wheel went into a hole. The axle broke, 
the tractor tipped over, and | got knocked out. | remem- 
ber waking up and hearing the radio-Russ Hodges and Lon 


29 


Simmons announcing the game. Then 1 saw my father, who 
had these big Mickey Mantle forearms, crushing my radio 
with his bare hands. 


914 
PLAYBOY: You went to graduate school while playing minor 
league ball. How did you study? 

BORAS: We had 14-hour bus rides in double-A ball. Mostof the 
players were right out of high school, so they read comic books 
or adult material on the bus. If you read a textbook, it was not 
well received. I'd stick a pharmacology book inside a PLAYBOY so 
they'd think I was one of the guys. 


915 
PLAYBOY: You hit well in the minors, but you quit and went to 
law school. Why? 

BORAS: | had a knee operation. | was getting my knee drained 
every 10 days. | could hit .280, .290, but | really wanted to be 
the best at something, so | changed paths. Baseball can be 
heartbreaking. | never forgot my first spring training. On cut- 
down day at the minor league complex, they post a list. If your 
name is on it, you continue. Everybody crowded around the list, 
andi was onit. Phew. Then | saw guys who weren't. First-round 
picks. They were done. | watched a guy go to a rusted-out van 


and tell his wife, “Honey, I've been released." His kids were cry- 
ing. I'd always thought of baseball as all good, but too many 
young men take a big risk to play pro ball and then go home 
with nothing. That's why I think baseball should stop drafting 
high school kids. Other sports don'tdo that. Maybe you let each 
team take one exceptional high school player a year and pay 
him a substantial bonus, but that's all. 


016 
PLAYBOY: Do you have a favorite minor league memory? 
BORAS: | loved old George Kissell, the Cardinals’ coordinator 
of minor league development. George would give you the intel. 
He said fielding a grounder is like dating a girl: "You don't go up 
and grab her. You gotta foster the ball.” Let it come to you. He'd 
knock on my door at 5:30 in the morning and say, "Boras, get 
up! Time for church!” I'd go, “Church? It's Tuesday.” He said, “I 
saw ya play last night, and we gota lot to pray about.” 


97 
iow would you change the World Series? 
BORAS: I'd modernize it, таке it ^ (concluded on page 110) 


9 
Size Dorsn’T MATTER 
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Bo зел IN LOVE d 
ABOUT 926. 


nil po Yo WANKA 
DANCE With М2 


BUT ya SAID A WOMAN Ni 
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the PLAYER 


DURING THE PHILLIES" RUN TO THE WORLD SERIES 
TITLE, SHORTSTOP JIMMY ROLLINS PROVED HE WAS 
CLUTCH IN THE FALL. HERE HE SHOWS HOW 
SMOOTH HE IS IN THE 
SUMMER 


FULL NAME 
James Calvin Rollins. 


Oakland, California. 
HEIGHT 
ss 
WEIGHT 
175 pounds 


FASHION 
PHOTOGRAPHY 


Major league managers have learned the 
hard way that the undersize Jimmy Rollins 


any Mets fan will 


can't be overlooked. 
tell you, this Phillies 


ho 


man with long-ball potential He's a jackrab- 
biton the base paths. And his glove isa place 


where seeing-eye single 
threats were on. 


THIS PAGE, ON JIMMY: 
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SHORTS BY ABERCROMBIE & FITCH 
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OPPOSITE PAGE: 
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‘SHIRT (598) BY PERRY ELLIS 
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HAT ($44) BY NEW ERA 


goto die. All these. 
lay last October when 
Rollins and his Phillies vanquished the Tampa 


Bay Rays and gave their long-suffering city 
what it had been waiting for. "It had been 
25 years since Philadelphia had a title. It felt 
good to say to the people, ‘Here you go-now 
you've got your parade!” With a World Series 
ring on his finger and Johari Smith (his former. 
trainer and future wife) on his arm, all -Roll 
needed was a lightweight summer uniform 
that didn't consist of polyester and hideous 
red pinstripes. -CONOR HOGAN 


MLB SEASONS 
10 
SINGLEA DEBUT 
Piedmont Boll Weevils 


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SHIRT (515) BY MERONA SHORTS (573) ВУ PERRY ELLIS 
PANTS (5285) BY NICOLE FARHI SHOES ($120) BY MANGO 
GLASSES (5120) BY DIESEL WATCH (51495) BY HAMILTON 


POCKET SQUARE (565) BY GANT 
BELT (568) BY FRENCH CONNECTION 


“THE FALL CLASSIC? | SEE 
OUR BOYS VS. THE YANKEES. 
THEY SPENT ALL THAT MONEY, 
THEY'VE GOT TO BE THERE. 
WE'VE GOT A TITLE TO DEFEND, 
SO WE'RE GOING TO BE THERE." 


—JIMMY ROLLINS 


THE PLAYBOY BAR. RUM 


Slaves on 17th century Caribbean sugar plantations didn't have easy 
lives. So it's not surprising they found a way to dull the pain a bit by distilling fermented molasses (a by-product 
of sugar production) into what they called kill-devil. The earliest mention, from a 1651 logbook entry, describes 
it as a “hot, hellish and terrible liquor.” Which it undoubtedly was, but that didn't stop Caribbean pirates from 
getting ripped to the tits on the stuff, burning villages to the ground and sailing back to Europe with hulls 
full of gold and booze. By the 18th century rum was the most popular liquor in the Colonies, with thousands 
of distilleries tucked among the whorehouses of New England's port towns. Business waned during the 19th 
century, but after Prohibition rum made a comeback. We now consume more of it than any other country, but 
only in the past decade has there been a stable of widely available connoisseur-level rums. We figured it was 
high time to salute the preferred hooch of sailors, beach bums and anyone else with devils to kill. 


WHITE RUM 
Often referred to as 
light or silver rum, this 
subtle, sweet and 
clear spirit is the foun- 
dation of most rum- 
based cocktails. White 
rum is typically aged 
for a short time in un- 
charred oak casks or 
stainless-steel tanks. 
This liquor comes 
cheap, but we suggest 
you spend the extra 
10 bucks for Platino 
Matusalem ($32). 


GOLD RUM 
This category is some- 
times referred to as 
amber, but either way, 
the rums in it spend a 
few years in charred 
bourbon barrels, which 
impart the eponymous 
gold color while blunt- 
ing the spirit's inherent 
sweetness. It has a 
slightly more robust 
flavor than white and is 
used mostly for mak- 
ing mixed drinks. See 
Bacardi Gold ($13). 


SPICED RUM 
А category that 
emerged in the mid- 
20th century, spiced 
rums are gold ones 
that have been infused 
with various flavors, 
most commonly cinna- 
mon, vanilla, caramel 
and a variety of fruits. 
You can find some real 
clunkers in this aisle, 
but you're safe in the 
hands of Sailor Jerry 
($20) orthe ubiquitous 
Captain Morgan ($19). 


DARK RUM 
Dark rum is aged at 
least three years in 
heavily charred oak 
barrels and carries a 
complex flavor profile 
that can rival your bet- 
ter whiskeys. The extra 
aging mellows it out 
and brings the sweet- 
ness back. Though it 
can be mixed, it's best 
sipped neat, on the 
rocksor witha squeeze 
of lime. Try Cruzan 
Single Barrel ($25). 


SUPER-AGED RUM 
This relatively new 
category includes 
hooch that has been in 
the barrel even longer, 
usually for five or more 
years, to bring out 
more flavor. Though it 
can be produced from 
a single spirit, more 
often than not it is a 
blend of oldies but 
goodies. Mount Gay's 
1703 Old Cask Selec- 
tion ($100) is a good 
place to start. 


"THE FIRST 
TIME I PLAYED 

THE MASTERS 

1 was so 

NERVOUS 

| DRANK A 

BOTTLE OF 

RUM BEFORE 

I TEED OFF. E 
1 $HOT THE 

HAPPIEST 83 

OF MY LIFE” 


—CHI CHI RODRIGUEZ 


FOR HIM: THE BLACK PRINCE 
(Created by Philip Ward of New 
York City's Death + Company) 
2 oz. Ron Zacapa 23 rum 
34 oz. Punt e Mes 

(or another Italian dry vermouth) 
% oz. Averna 

(a black herbal liqueur) 
1 dash orange bitters 
Stir ingredients with ice and strain 
into a chilled cocktail glass. 


FOR HER: THE ACAPULCO 
1% oz. light rum 
1% oz. triple sec 
1tbsp. lime juice 
1 tsp. sugar 
1 egg white 
Y mint sprig 
> Shake all ingredients (except mint). " 
with ice, then strain into an ice-filled. 


ole d glass. Garnish with 
mint sprig. 
FOR THE PARTY: : 
FISH-HOUSE PUNCH 
8 cups amber rum ^. 


_ 4 cups brandy 

4 oz. peach brandy 

1% cups superfine sugar. 
8 cups water 

4 cups lemon juice 

Pour sugar into a large punch bowl 

along with just enough water to 
dissolve it. Add lemon juice, all 

liquors and the ining water, v 
then stir and refrigerate for at least | 
an hour. Add а la of ice, 
garnish with lemon slices and serve, 


ANY QUESTIONS? 


Why is rum called rum? The ancient 
Malays had a cane-based booze they 
dubbed brum, though many etymolo- 
gists contend the word derives from 
either rumbullion, a West Indian term 
for "a great uproar," or the goblets 
Dutch sailors used, called rummers. 

Was George Washington as big a boozer 
аз people say? We cannot tell a lie: For 
his inauguration ceremony Washington 
had rum specially imported from Barba- 
dos. He was also rumored to request 
eggnog and rum punch on a daily basis. 


Plus, thanks to those wooden teeth, he 
has the distinction of being the only 
founding father who could barrel-age 
liquor inside his own mouth. 

Is it ever acceptable for a man to drink 
a frozen rum cocktail? According to 
Tom the barman, our local font of un- 
impeachable booze wisdom, it is ac- 
ceptable on three conditions. You must 
be: (1) outside and (2) with a beautiful 
woman who is (3) also having one. 
Would the United States exist without 
rum? Probably, but it wouldn't be as 


much fun. Actually, a tax on molasses 
was part of what riled up the colonists 
about taxation without representation. 
Considering that most of our nation's 
forefathers owned muskets and were 
dearly attached to their liquor, some- 
thing was bound to give. 

What is Black Tot Day? July 31, 1970, 
the day Britain's Royal Navy ended its 
centuries-old practice of handing 
sailors a daily ration (or tot) of rum, 
leaving them, sadly, with only sodomy 
and the lash. 


ely 


THE TOWN ISN'T THE SAME 
SINCE THE PLANT MOVED IN, 
BUT THESE DAYS THE LOCALS 
NEED CASH, NOT COMMUNITY 
OR EVEN FISH IN THE RIVER. 
THEY ALSO NEED THRILLS, 
AND THEY'RE WILLING TO PAY, 
WHATEVER THE COST 


BY MAIL 
MELOY 


1975, Steven Kelly was 23 and 
n newly orphaned. His father had 
died of pancreatic cancer two years 
earlier, and Steven had quit a construc- 
tion job to move home and take care of his 
mother. She had relied on her husband so 
absolutely, all her adult life, that she had 
never filled a gas tank on her own or looked 
at a tax form. In her grief, after his death, 
she shifted her dependence to Steven. She 
told him it was lucky she’d had a son, as if 
no daughter of hers would be able to mas- 
ter a gas pump either. When she died of 
the same cancer as his father—one of the 
doctors described it as mercifully quick, 
but there was nothing merciful about it— 
Steven felt like a boxer losing a fight, not 
knocked out but dizzy from the blows. 

His mother showed him pictures when 
she was sure she was dying, of herself as a 
grave little girl in a white First Communion 
dress, with hollow-eyed Italian relatives in 
suits. She told him stories: Her father had 
tried to start an ice cream business as a 
young man, but the unsold, unrefrigerated 


ice cream would melt by the end of the 
day, and he would end up eating it him- 
self, dejected. Her mother had once won 
a beauty contest, scandalizing the family, 
in a bathing costume that came down to 
her knees. It was as if his mother was try- 
ing to make a safe place for her family in 
his brain. She died as she was becoming 
a real person to Steven, not just the more 
helpless of his ever-present parents, and 
so she was frozen in mid-transformation, 
neither one thing nor the other. 

They left him the house he'd grown 
up in but no money, once the taxes were 
paid. Their small Connecticut town, where 
he had spent a happy, bike-riding, bait- 
fishing childhood, was being transformed 
by the building of a nuclear power plant. 
When finished, the plant would pull in 
water to cool the reactors, which would 
raise the temperature of the river and kill 
the fish he had grown up fishing. There 
were angry, impotent protests, and there 
were jobs for anyone who could swing a 
hammer. Steven hated the plant—every- 
one did—but he couldn't sell his child- 
hood house, so he took one of the jobs. 

The plant was two miles long and a mile 
wide and still being laid with pipes. Ste- 
ven was hired to build scaffolding for the 
pipe fitters, then take it down and build it 
somewhere else. It was a union job, and 
they'd been told to make it last, so they 
worked in threes: While one worked below, 
the other two would climb to the top of the 
scaffolding and sleep. Someone usually 
duct-taped a transistor radio to the mouth- 
piece of one of the paging telephones so 
music blasted through the plant. When 
the security guards got close to finding the 
radio, it would be rescued, and the music 
would stop, until the guards left. Then 
the radio would move to another phone, 
and the music would start again: "Born to 
Run" blaring over the clanging and drilling. 
and sawing and hammering. 

Steven's best friend from high school, 
Acey Rawlings, also worked at the plant. 
Acey had joined the Coast Guard for a 
while but lost interest and was home living 
with his mother. Any social status Steven 
had in school came from Acey's reflected 
cool, and now Acey had mythologized 
their teenage years, believing them to be. 
as perfect as high school years could be. 
They had missed the draft for Vietnam by 
the skin of their teeth, and Acey consid- 
егей luck to be something they had rights 
to and could count оп. 

Most nights after work, they went to the 
bar to drink beer until the hammering in 
their heads subsided enough for sleep. So. 
in some ways nothing had changed since 
Steven was 16: He was still drinking beer 
with Acey, except now it was legal and less 
exciting. It was on one of those nights that 
a girl showed up, hanging around. She was 
too skinny, with small tits and narrow hips, 
and she leaned on the bar next to Steven 
in jeans and a tank top and ordered a gin 


се 


83 


в 


and tonic. He reflected that it was difficult 
not to talk to a girl standing next to you in. 
a tank top, no matter how tired you were. 

"Are you old enough to drink that?" 
he asked her. 

She showed him her license. It said 
she was 23, five-foot-six, 110 pounds. 
He could have lifted her right into his lap. 
Eyes: green; hair: brown. Her eyes were 
oversize and ringed with green eyeliner 
and black mascara. He showed the license 
to Acey at the next bar stool, because he 
could already feel that Acey's interest in 
the girl trumped his. He was going to have. 
to get out of the way. Then he noticed the 
name on the card: Rita Hillier. 

"| know you," Steven said. 

"You do?" 

“We went to grade school together. 
You moved away." 

She narrowed her made-up eyes at 
him. "Did you have a lot of cavities?" 
she asked. 

"No. | mean, not more than normal." 

"Did | ever kiss you?" 

"No." 

She shook her head. "Then | don't 
remember." 

He could have told her that her father 
was the first person he had ever seen 
falling-down drunk, but that seemed 
unfriendly. "You sat in front of me in Mrs. 
Wilson's class," he said. "You showed me 
how to cheat on spelling tests by keep- 
ing the practice list inside your desk and 
pretending to look for an eraser." 

“ did not." 

"You think | don't know who cor- 
rupted me?" 

“| remember cheating on math, later, 
she said. "Not spelling." 

"Your dad used to walk you home 
from school." 

Her eyes lost their gleam, and she looked 
at her drink. "That was me," she said. 
hey took his driver's license away." 

“Is he all right?" 

"| think so." 

"Do you see him much?" 

She frowned sideways at Steven. "You 

ask a lot of questions." 
Acey kicked him under the 
"This is my friend, Acey," Steven 
said. "We went to high school together 
but not grade school. He doesn't ask so 
many questions." 

Acey smiled his handsome smile at 
her, leaning forward over his beer. 

Steven withdrew to the men's room to 
let Acey move in. Behind the closed door, 
he stood looking at the filthy urinal, feel- 
ing disoriented by his brief return to third 
grade. Mrs. Wilson had caught him cheat- 
ing on the spelling test, but he hadn't 
turned Rita in. It was his first and maybe 
only major act of chivalry. He got a zero. 
on the test and a C in spelling, but his 
parents had never asked about the sudden 
drop in his grade. He guessed that Mrs. 
Wilson had told them about the cheating, 
and they were too embarrassed to mention 


it. Rita's dad wouldn't have cared if she 
cheated—the old drunk might even have 
applauded it as wily—but it had seemed 
important to protect her from disgrace. 

When he went back out to the bar, 
Rita had her head bent close to Acey's, 
the deal sealed, and Steven put his arms 
around their shoulders. 

"Let's go out for a midnight nuclear 
protest," Steven said, and Acey whooped 
with eagerness, 

They drove down to the marina, stole а 
Sunfish from a slip and sailed it across the 
river, Acey manned the tiller, singing “Tea 
for the Tillerman." Rita kneeled precariously 
in the bow and swayed and waved her arms 
in the wind, singing along on “Wine for the 
woman who made the rain come.” When 
they got to the new plant, they yelled until 
the lights came on and the security guards 
came running down to the water to see what 
was going on. It was a pointless thing, has- 
sling the security guards, who were just local 
guys like them, getting a paycheck. But it 
felt good to yell on a warm night. Rita was 
‘surprisingly loud. When the guards shouted 
threats, fat and breathless in their tight uni- 
forms, there wasn't any wind left to sail the 
Sunfish, so they laughed and paddled back 
to the marina with their hands. They could 
see a few stars through the haze. When they 
got back to the slip, Steven was starting to 
sober up. Acey left them to go pee off the 
end of the dock, and Rita said, “I'm sorry | 
got mad when you asked if I see my dad.” 

“That's okay,” Steven said. 

"| don't see him at all,” she said. “I 
don’t know where he is.” 

“т sorry.” 

“Do you remember him?” 

“A little.” 

“What do you remember?” 

“Not that much, really,” he said. “I 
just remember him picking you up at 
school. He seemed like a nice man.” 

She looked at him skeptically, and he 
pretended he was telling the truth. Then 
Асеу came back, buttoning his jeans. He 
bear-hugged Rita, kissed her hair and 
took her home. 

After that, Acey was in love, and he 
couldn't shut up about it. He talked about 


Rita all the time, how amazing she was, 
how unlike other girls. He did it at the plant, 
where people weren't used to such happi- 
ness, and he made himself unwelcome. 
The married men only smiled and made 
jaded little jokes—Wait until the blow jobs 
run out—but the lonely ones found it intol- 
erable. A raffle was held for a car someone 
needed to unload, with two packs of play- 
ing cards cut in half on the band saw, and 
Acey made a big show of buying a lot of 
tickets and asking specifically for the heart 
face cards so he could give the car and the 
winning card to Rita, There was open glee 
in the plant when he didn't win. 

He told Rita about it, at the bar, how 
he had planned to give her the car. Peo- 
ple raffled off all kinds of things: а gas 
barbecue, a load of firewood. Once a guy 
raffled off his wife. It was before Steven's 
time, and he had never met anyone who 
actually knew the guy, but people said it 
happened and the wife was in on it. The 
winner borrowed her for a night. Rita’s 
eyes widened in surprise when she heard 
that. Acey sang “Oh, baby, baby, it’s a 
wild world” to her, and she laughed. 

Men sitting quietly at other tables looked 
‚over at Acey cavorting for Rita and shook 
their heads. When Acey sang “Just remem- 
ber there’s a lot of bad and beware,” he 
had to pull his chin into his chest to get 
close to the low notes at the end. 


Even though Steven knew Acey was driv- 
ing everyone nuts at the plant and guessed 
there would be some attempt to take the 
Romeo down a notch, it still took him a 
minute to realize what was happening 
when a high, spooky voice came over the 
PA system one afternoon, filling the whole 
plant, calling, “Riii-ta, lovely Riii-ta!" Then 
it made a kissing noise and hung up. 

The guys around them were already 
laughing, and Steven saw knowledge 
dawning on Acey's face. He thought he 
should have taken Acey aside long before 
and told him to keep his mouth shut. 

The high voice came again, asking, "Rita, 
where are you?" Then the kissing noise. 

Acey stalked to the closest paging 
phone, holding a wrench like a weapon, 
the guys still laughing behind him. No 
опе was at the phone, of course. When 
Acey turned back with the wrench, he 
nearly bumped into a white hat, a liaison 
who came to check on the site for the cli- 
ent. Normally someone saw the white hats 
coming soon enough for all the sleepers 
to get down off the scaffolding, but this 
опе had appeared out of nowhere. 

"Who's doing that voice?" the inspec- 
tor asked Acey. 

"| don't know," he said. 

"Who's Rita?" the white hat asked. 

Acey didn't say anything. The guys 
didn't either. 

“Tell me,” the white hat said. 

“II stop,” Acey said. 

“It better,” the man said. 

It did stop, until the next inspection. As 


soon as the white hat got there, the voice 
came over the loudspeaker again. "Rili-ta, 
darling На!” And then the kissing noise. 
But by then it wasn't really about Асеу or 
Rita. It had turned into a way of baiting 
the inspector, who went to their foreman, 
Frank Mantini, to complain. Someone 
who was standing outside the office heard 
Mantini tell the inspector it was a harmless 
prank, the guys letting off steam. 

The white hat put а 100-dollar bill 
on the foreman's desk, according to the 
eavesdropper, and said, "It's yours if you 
find out who's doing this. 

"| don't want the money,” Frank said. 

"Find out anyway," the white hat said. 


Frank Mantini had a family at home, 
three daughters, and must have felt his 
job was at stake. But he couldn't stop the 
prank. If he caught one guy—which he 
couldn't—there would always be another 
to carry on. Then they switched tactics 
and started to torment him specifically. 
The high, spooky voice would say, “Frank- 
ie, you can't catch me!” and then make 
the kissing noise and hang up. 

It went on for days, third-grade stuff: the 
occasional "Lovely Rita," sometimes a line 
of the Beatles song, badly sung, but mostly 
taunts for Frank. The white hat came in 
every day. Frank Mantini started to look ill, 
and people were saying that whoever was 
doing the phone stuff should lay off. 

At the end of the week, Frank took Acey 
to the bar for lunch to pump him for infor- 
mation. Some of the guys at the plant went 
to the bar at noon every day, and the bar- 
tender had their drinks lined up. They were 
career drinkers, old hands, and they drove 
back to the plant unimpaired. But Frank 
Mantini and Acey weren't those guys. Acey 
came back drunk and decided to take a 
nap, not up on the scaffolding but in a 
quiet comer on the floor. Frank had already 
gone into his office and shut the door. 

Acey's quiet corner, where he had put 
his jacket under his head, was behind a 
parked front loader, and someone went to 
use it. The poor guy climbed in, started the. 
engine and backed up, feeling a bump. He. 
stopped and climbed down again to check 
what it was, and saw that he'd backed over 
Acey with one of the front loader’s heavy 
back tires, crushing his skull. 

Someone tripped the alarm, and the 
ambulance came, pointlessly, and the 
white hat showed up. Frank Mantini 
got dragged out of his office, smelling 
of whiskey, and fell to his knees at the 
sight of Acey dead on the floor. 


The death—the real weight of it—didn't 
hit Steven for а long time. He felt as if 
he was watching everything from behind 
glass. He got his old rod out and went 
fishing, and wondered why he and Acey 
had stopped golng, why they stole boats 
to protest the plant but didn't take advan- 
tage of the last years of cold water and 
healthy fish. He didn't catch anything and 


НЕ FELT AS 
IF HE WAS 
WATCHING 

EVERY- 
THING FROM 


BEHIND 
GLASS. 


thought maybe the fish knew what was 
coming and had already cleared out. 

The funeral was at St. Mary's, where his 
parents’ funerals had been, and Steven sat 
in a pew like someone's accountant, think- 
ing about what the flowers cost, and the 
casket. Frank Mantini, who had lost his job, 
was there without his family. Acey's little 
brother, the snotty kid they used to put in 
а headlock, now a stocky 19-year-old with 
a crew cut, read from notes, his voice shak- 
ing, about how he would never have a big. 
brother again. Acey’s mother, who used to 
cook Steven eggs and muss his hair, tried 
to speak but couldn't. Then a big motherly 
girl with caramel-colored skin, Acey's first. 
cousin, got up and helped everyone out by 
saying nice things without breaking down. 

Rita sat next to Steven, not crying. She 
had sobbed and screamed when he first 
told her. After the funeral, Steven drove 
her home and they sat in his truck, talking 
about nothing, until finally she got out and 
went inside. He went back to his parents" 
house feeling like death was on him, a 
film on his face and grit in his teeth. He 
took a shower in his old bathroom, wish- 
ing he had a warmhearted girl like Acey's 
cousin to hold on to, and cried under the 
stream of water. In the morning, he got up 
to go back to the clanging plant. 


Rita called him three days later and said, 
“I want you to help me hold а raffle.” 

“A raffle for what?" 

"For me," she said. 
five dollars a ticket." 

"What's the prize?" he asked. 

“Me,” she said. "I said that. For a night." 

Her voice, disembodied on the phone, 
sounded very young. He thought about her 
skinny body, the odd waifishness. "No one's 
ever charged five bucks a ticket," he said. 

"No one's ever got a five-dollar hooker 
either," she said. 

He wondered how much the guy had 
charged in the mythical wife raffle. 
“Some of them might have,” he said. 
“Some of them get it for free.” 

“I've seen the way they look at me,” 
she said. “I think | can get five a ticket. 
That's 540 bucks, with two decks. If | 


1 want to charge 


could get 10, it would be over a thousand 
and | could get out of here. But | don’t 
know if | could get 10.” 

“It's illegal.” 

“So is every fucking thing that goes on 
at that plant,” she said. “Jesus. Will you 
help me or not?” 

He sat with the phone to his ear on 
his mother's couch and imagined himself 
pushing raffle tickets for Acey's girlfriend's 
pussy, for the girl who'd shown him how to 
cheat at spelling in third grade. "No." 

"You have to." 

“| don't have to do anything. No one's 
going to buy a ticket." 

"They will too. Just get me the cards, 
and l'Il sell them myself." 

"Get your own damn cards. You can. 
cut them with scissors." 

"It's not the same," she said. "It has 
to look like what they're used to. | need 
you to help me." 

Steven hung up and sat looking around 
his mother's living room, at the curtains 
she had sewn, now long faded, and the 
flowered couch where she had sat, miss- 
ing his father and dying. It seemed strange 
now, their long marriage, their total depen- 
dence on each other. His father couldn't 
cook a meal or shop for groceries any more 
than his mother could gas up a car. 

In the morning on his way to work, Ste- 
ven bought two decks of cards, one blue 
and one red. All he was going to do was 
give Rita the cut cards and let her do 
what she wanted, but Kyle Jaker, a kid on 
Steven's crew, saw him at the band saw 
and asked what the raffle was for. 

“Nothing.” 

“Come on," Jaker said. 

"Acey's girlfriend wants them." 

“Рог what?" 

Steven paused too long before saying, 
“I don't know.” 

"Oh, man, is it for her?" 

Steven wondered how Jaker had 
guessed that, and moved away. “1 said 
I'd get her the cards, that's all.” 

Jaker was scrappy and vain and pale 
skinned, with a wild cowlick in the back 
of his carefully combed hair. It gave. 
him a roosterish look. He skipped along 
beside. "How much?" he asked. 

"She wants 10." Steven thought Jaker 
would balk at the price and they'd be done. 

Jaker pulled a 20-dollar bill out of his 
wallet. “I'll take two,” he said. 

Steven had never seen a 20 come out so 
easily at the plant or in the bar. Maybe not 
in his life, ever. “I'm not selling them." 

“You just sold two. Come on." 

He held the bill out, and Steven 
finally took it and dealt him two halves 
from the blue deck. 

“The jokers!” Jaker said, grinning. 
"Jaker's jokers. That's good luck." 

Word couldn't have spread faster if 
Steven had announced the raffle on the 
paging phones, which had gone eerily 
silent since Acey's death. By lunchtime 
he had sold (continued on page 96) 


85 


86 


IDA LJUNGQVIST 
15 


РЕАУМАТ 


of the 


YEAR 


2009 


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and put on her Bunny tail, becoming. 
a perfect ambassador for Playboy. She. 
brightened duffers’ days on the course 
during our Playboy Golf Scramble, was 
an Easter Bunny at the Mansion's egg 
hunt and even appeared on CSI. For all. 
her hard work, we are celebrating her at 
the Palms—the first time the Playmate 
of the Year will be honored in Vegas. 

This shoot took place at the $40,000- 
a-night Hugh Hefner Sky Villa. “It’s 
amazing. The bed spins around,” she 
says. "When I'm in Vegas, | like to 
watch." Don't get too excited, guys. She. 
continues, "A lot of my Playmate friends. 
are gamblers and are really good at it. 
I will sit and be arm candy for one of 
them while they play blackjack." 

And why is she a good-luck charm 
only for female models? She says 
guys find it hard to open up to her 
because they think she's unattain- 
able, but she has news for them. “I 
am single and ready," she says. “I 
am the happiest girl in California! 
I'm a little shy and prefer men to 
approach me first, but I'll give them 
a little sign, like a look or wink that 
says, ‘Get your butt over here!” 

She is far from lonely, though. Aside 
from the Playmate sorority, she has 
a woman's best friend. “I have a five- 
pound Chihuahua named Bonnie, and 
introduce myself as her mom. You 
know all those things you hear about 
crazy pet owners? That's me." 

Her other pet project is her con- 
tinuing interest in charity (her father 
works for UNICEF). “A lot of people 
ask me, ‘What can | do to help?'" 
she says. “И gives me an opportu- 
nity to find out what they're passion- 
ate about. That's one thing that really 
surprised me: Regardless of what's 
going on in the economy, everybody 
wants to help. The United States is 
a very generous country, and the 
people are not as self-centered as 
the news may say.” 

When we ask Ida about when she 
is happiest, she pauses for a moment 
and smiles widely, as she often does. 
“I'm happy—that's it,” she says. “My 
happiness doesn't come from anything 
of this world. People think you become 
happier by doing more, but that's not 
true. You accomplish more when you 
realize that everything you have is 
inside you and you don't need to add 
anything to yourself.” 

Just before her PMOY ceremony, we 
asked Ida how she was handling it all. 
“Of course I'm going to cry,” she said. 
"Somebody better stuff her bra because 
I'm going to need a tissue.” 


See Ida's original Playmate pictorial at club.playboy.com. 


PLAYBOY 


96 


Lovely Rita 

(continued from pag 85) 
all ofthe blue deck and started on the red. 
He had agreed to meet Rita at the bar, 
and she climbed into his truck. He put the 
wad of bills and the blue stubs on the seat 
between them, and she grabbed the cash. 

“I knew it!" she said. 

“I hate this.” 

“I knew they'd buy them.” 

“You could get hurt." 

“I can take care of myself,” she said. She 
lifted her hips to tuck the cash away in her 
tight jeans. The wad of bills bulged out 
the denim. Then she put the blue stubs in 
her jacket and zipped up the pocket, like 
a kid putting away her milk ticket. 

“There are other ways to get money,” 
he said. 

“Гуе tried them." 

“Have you seen those guys?” 

“You know I have.” 

“Why not just turn normal tricks?" 

She gave him a level stare. "Do you 
know how many blow jobs it would take. 
to make this much money?" She held out 
her hand for the other tickets. 

“TI sell them," he said. “You shouldn't. 
have to do it." 

Half the remaining tickets sold to the 
lunch crowd in the bar. The other half sold. 
by the end ofhis shift. Some guys pretended 
tobe helping out Acey's girlfriend, but most 
of them had a hungry glint in their eyes. 
She was a celebrity—Lovely Rita, muse oí 
the pager phone, the dead guy s girl. Ste- 
ven thought he was getting an ulcer. 

She was waiting outside the plant when 
he finished hi: . He walked toward 
his truck and she followed. Inside the 
truck, he gave her the money. 

" she asked. 


“What do I do? To run the raffle.” 

"You put the cards in a hard hat and 
draw one out, and the holder of the 
other half win: 

“Where does it happen?” 

“In the plant." 

"Can we do it at the bar?” 

What the fuck is this ше?” 


She blew her bangs off her forehead, exas- 
perated. “Make up your mind,” she said. 

“Tl do itat work tomorrow,” he said. He 
pictured himself standing in front of the 
hungry crowd, and he was glad he hadn't 
bought any tickets. If he won, having set 
up the raflle, they'd tear him apart. 

"Thank you," she said, and she gave 
him back all the stubs, checking her 
pocket for ones that she'd missed. 

He drove her home in silence, and she 
Kissed him on the cheek—an odd, dry, sisterly 
kiss. Then she clambered down out of the 
truck and ran through the dark to her apart- 
ment. He drove home to bed and lay wide 
awake, until he rolled on his back and imag- 
ined himself he raffle winner. He whacked off 
like a teenager to put himself to sleep. 

When he got to work the next day, early 


for his shift, the place was crawling with 
white hats. They were everywhere: talking 
to the crews, poking around. He assumed 
it was because of the accident, and Acey, 
but Kyle Jaker told him that one of the 
foremen had been caught diverting stain- 
less steel to replace the pipes in his house. 

“That's all?" Steven asked. The place 
looked like a kicked-over anthill. 

“When's the raffle?” Jaker asked. 

“I can't do it with all these hats here.” 

Jaker scanned the busy plant. “I 
should've bought more tickets,” he finally 
said. “You got any left?” 

NS 

“You got your own?” 

“I didn't buy any." 

Jaker raised his eyebrows. 

“I forgot to,” Steven said. 

“So when's the raffle?” 

“I don't know,” he said. “After the white 
hats clear out.” 

“Hey,” Jaker said. “I was just asking.” 

The white hats didn't clear out, and 
everyone was jittery. With no one sleeping 
on the scaffolding, there were too many 
men on the floor, and they got in each 
other's way. Steven kept waiting for some- 
one to clap him on the shoulder, charge him 
with pandering and throw him in jail. 

Word started going around that the 
drawing would be at the bar, and the rumor 
became a kind of groundswell, it had its 
‘own momentum. The guys had given him 
their money, and they wanted a raffle. By 
the end of his shift, he had sweated through 
his shirt, and he changed into a new one. 

He'd never seen the bar so packed. 
Kyle Jaker produced a hard hat and 
offered to do the drawing, so Steven gave 
him the cards. Jaker stood on a bar stool 
and grinned down at the men standing 
shoulder to shoulder in the bar, staring 
up at him. He held the hat over his head, 
asif Ера rforming a blood ritual 
." Steven heard himself say. He was 
ан feet, when a moment before he'd been 
sitting at the bar. He hadn't meant to say any- 
thing, and his heart was pounding in his chest. 
It didn't seem to have its right rhythm. 

Men turned to look at him, ready to 
hear him out. 

“I know I started this,” he said. “But I 
don't—but we shouldn't do it. Let's just 
give her the money." 

There was a long silence while the men 
looked at him. No one came afier him, and 
no one laughed. They just turned to look at 
Jaker again, showing Steven the backs of their 
heads. They didn' say anything because they 
didn't need to. The desire in the room was 
palpable, and the thing was under way. 

Jaker smirked at Steven, then waggled 
his fingers over the hard hat like а magician 
and drew out halfa card slowly, with great 
ceremony. He held the card so everyone 
could see it. “Red-backed three of clubs,” 
he announced. “Fuck, that's not me.” 

Everyone in the room dug in his pocket 
or looked at the stub in his hand. Finally 
Frank Mantini came forward. He'd left 
the plant, and Steven hadn't sold him any 
tickets. He handed Jaker a stub, and Jaker 


held it up to match the card he'd drawn. 
A sigh of disappointment rose up from the 
crowd, and there was a round of applause 
for Frank. Acey's ruined foreman seemed 
to have some kind of right to the girl. Then 
the men poured out the door to go home to 
their families, or to bed. The built-up ten- 
sion in the room was gone. 

"Congrats, Frankie," Kyle Jaker said. 
He clapped him on the shoulder and 
moved off. 

Frank Mantini turned to Steven, still 
holding the cut card. 

“Where'd you get that?” Steven asked him. 

“Thad 12 of them,” Frank said. "Some- 
опе called me. I came down and bought 
what I could off the guys. Гуе got daugh- 
ters her age." 

"Don't start," Steven said. “ 
want to get involved." 

“Bullshit,” Frank said. He handed over 
the halved three of clubs. A vein stuck out 
of his temple. He seemed to have more 
white in his hair than he had two weeks ago, 
but Steven could have imagined that. “You 
were Асеу friend, right?" Frank asked. 

Steven said nothing. 

Frank looked hollow-eyed. “When you 
see her,” he said, “would you tell her to 
knock this shit of 

Steven said he would. 

“And you knock it off too,” Frank said. 

Steven drove by Rita's apartment after 
leaving the bar. Frank was right: He hadn't 
tried hard to stop it, and he hadn't tried 
to make it right, like Frank had. If he had 
bought a ticket and won, he would have 
wanted his prize. He'd been thinking of 
her the way everyone else had, of her small 
hands and her wide mouth, of her strad- 
dling him with her skinny legs. She was the 
girl in the Springsteen song, if anyone was. 
"Wrap your legs round these velvet rim: 
and strap your hands across my engine: 
Now he could wake her up and tell her 
she was free—he could be the hero. Or, he 
realized as he sat in the dark in his truck, 
he could pass off Frank's three of clubs as 
his own. She wouldn't know until it was too 
late. Frank Mantini would shit bricks, but 
Frank had already made his noble gesture 
and gotten his satisfaction from that. 

Steven was about to drive away, unde- 
cided, when Rita came outside. She was 
wearing a white nightgown with a pink rib- 
bon woven through the neck, left untied 
in the front. She was barefoot and she had 
been crying, and she got in the truck. He 
could see the outline of her small breasts 
inside the white cotton, and her face 
looked naked with no makeup. 

"He's gone,” she said. "He's gone.” 

“Acey?” he asked. 

“No, this guy,” she said. “My father—I 
wanted to find my father, so I got this 
missing-persons guy, you know, who finds 
people. He said he could find my dad, for 
sure. So I paid him, I gave him the cash, 
and he was supposed to look for my dad, 
and then he just, I don't know, left. And 
took the money. I'm so fucking stupid.” 

“Tm sorry,” Steven said. 

“But you know what?” she said. “I’m 


1 didn't 


"Actually, Miss Fenimore, I think we've addressed your 
frigidity problem quite well." 


PLAYBOY 


almost glad. I think he would've found out 
my father's dead." 

"Why do you think that?" 

"Because he never looked for me,” she said 
wildly, gesturing to the world outside. “Не 
never found me!" Then she scemed to real- 
ize that he had never looked for her when 
he was definitely alive, and she deflated, 
shrinking into herself. “I don't know,” she 
said, “No one can drink like that forever.” 

“Maybe he could,” he said. “He was a 
tough gu 

She wiped her nose. “Yeah,” she said. 
"So who won the raffle? 

"Frank Mantini,” he said. “Our foreman, the 
опе who was fired.” He fished the card out of 
his pocket and gave it to her. “He bought a 
bunch oftickets. He doesn't want anything. He 
said he has daughters your age, and he wanted 
me to tell you to knock this shit off.” 

She looked at him, wide-eyed and for- 
lorn, then made a small, anguished noise 
and covered her face with her hands, Her 
shoulders in the white nightgown shook. 
She crawled across the scat into his lap, 
fitting herself sideways between his chest 
and the steering wheel. Then she tucked 
up her legs and buried her wet face in his 
shoulder. He put his arms around her too- 
thin shoulders, carefully. Her hair smelled 
unwashed but not in the way of adults: She 
smelled like an unshowered child, like sum- 
mers at the public pool when he was 10 

“They stayed there so long, Rita alternately 
sobbing and sleeping, that his arms grew stiff 
and the sky started to lighten. Rita finally 
woke, cried out and extracted herself. At no 
point had she tried to kiss him, and he didn't 

iss her, either. It wasn't because she 
girl. It was because she seemed to 
be drowning and might drag him under. 

She wiped her nose with her hand 
“What do you remember about my dad, 

cally?” she asked 
didn't say anything. 
You can tell me,” she said 

“I remember he came to school one time 
to get you, in the middle of the day. He 
just showed up in the classroom, and he 
was drunk, I guess. I didn't really know 
that then, Не knocked over а kind of easel 
thing. He called Mrs. Wilson by her first 
name and said he was taking you out of 
school. She said he couldn't. 


Rita stared at him. "God, I don't remem- 
ber anything," she said. "It's like a big 
eraser came through that part of my brain. 
Did I go with him: 

“I don't think s 

“Why didn't you tell me when I met you 
at the Баг?” 

“Why on earth would I tell you that?” 

“Is that why you didn't want me? Why 
you handed me off to Ace} 

“I didn't hand you off,” he said. “Acey 
grabbed you and didnt let go. He was crazy 
about you. He talked about you all the time.” 

“Really?” Her face crumpled. 

He didn't want her to start crying again. 
He had to get out ofthe truck and stretch his 
legs. “Are you hungry?” he asked. He started 
the engine. "Let's get something to eat.” 


Still in her nightgown, at a glossy diner 
table, she sat eating eggs and pancakes as if 
she'd never seen food before. 

“Slow down,” he said. "You're going to 
hurt yourself.” 

She licked maple syrup off her thumb. “I 
think I’m going to go away,” she said. “Maybe 
find my brother, Do you remember him? 

Non 

“He was older. When we were kids we 
used to take care of each other. I wanted to 
be a ballet dancer, and he used to tell me I 
could, and he would draw pictures of the 
costumes I would wear. I remember that." 

"Did you take dance lessons?" 

e laughed. "That didn't seem 
to matter. Hey, can I maybe borrow some 
she asked. "Just a little bit. I gave 
so much to the guy, the detective. I guess he 
probably wasn't a real detectiv 

“Do you mean borrow, or keep? 

She made а pained face. “I don't know, 
she said. “I want to get on my feet. I'd want 
to pay you back." 

After breakfast, he drove with her to the 
bank and gave her $400 he had earned 
building scaffolding with Acey. And then 
Rita vanished. It wasa family talent. Steven 
drove by her apartment, and there was а 
sign saying it was for rent 

He went out fishing a lot after that. Some- 
times he would goat night and borrow a Sun- 
fish like they used to, because it was so easy. 
Other times he would sit on a dock before 


1SUST REALIZED 

TUE FARTHER WE 

DRIVE THE SEXIER 
убо LOOK! 


sunset with a line in the cool water, watching 
the light play on the surface. He caught fish, 
not as many as he remembered catching as a 
kid, but enough to prove they were still there, 
waiting for food to come by, unaware that the 
river was only theirs until the plant started 
up, and then their time was over. 

He finally left the plant, months before 
it was ready to open, not long before his 
job would have run out anyway. He sold 
his parents’ house and moved to Florida, 
because there were plenty of jobs building 
houses there and because it felt like a place 
everyone had moved to. It didn't seem like 
a place anyone was from. There were girls 
in the bars there, too, and sometimes he 
talked to them. If they didn’t seem too 
crazy, he sometimes took them home. 

“There was one who moved in with him, 
who was a few years older than he was. 
She had been a mermaid at a water park, 
and she looked like a mermaid, with wavy 
blonde hair, She showed him some of her 
act once, in the pool at his apartment build- 
ing, with the kids coming out on the balco- 
nies to watch her do backward somersaults. 
It was convincing even without her green 
tail, and in that moment he thought he 
might love her. But he kept comparing the 
way he felt about her to the way Acey had 
seemed to feel about Rita, and it was а hard 
standard. After a few months he broke it 
offand felt better. He didn't want anything 
that felt like it had a history to it. 

When they started to drain a nearby 
swamp where birds and fish had lived, 
for a new housing development, Steven 
watched the protests and the prepara- 
tions with interest. The bird people were 
furious, the developers unmovable, and 
Steven was filled with relief that the fight 
wasn't his. Nothing here was his: The 
streets weren't full of things he'd done. 
with Acey, or places he'd ridden his bike 
in grade school, and nothing reminded 
him of his dead parents. Even the old 
people were older than his parents had 
been. He thought there should have been 
something sad about how little he was tied 
up with the place, but instead it felt like 
freedom. He was free because it wasn't his 
water here, and they weren't his fish. 


PLAYBOY 


100 


(continued from page 50) 
in the dark. I reconstructed the words 
they spoke in meetings and altered the 
meaning of their lives to spotlight their 
fictive love for me. 

Tt was all about recognition. The dia- 
logue ran 50/50. We shared the truth of 
our lives on an equal basis and kissed. We 
stepped back from the brink of precipitous 
passion, pledged monogamy and made 
love. I masturbated then. That part of my 
sojourn ended abruptly. Whew!—now we 
can talk about what it all means. 

Sofi-focus pix scrolled along with the 
pillow talk. Women never seen naked 
appeared in the buff beside me. Melinda 
D. folds a breast back to burrow closer 
in. I touch the acne scars on Pat J.'s neck 
to tell her it’s okay. She shakes her head, 
removes my hand and goes, Hush now. 
Moonlight beams through my dive-hotel 
window, Laurie B.'s got tears in her eyes. 
I'm smiling because she just said, “I love 
you.” She laughs and iugs at my gro- 
tesque little teeth. 

It was like that. It was over 30 years ago— 
and I cannot let go of one moment of it. 

Deep talk, lovemaking, deep talk. Sweat 
and nicotine breath back when classy 
women still smoked. The pledge of a 
shared future. The common cause of Us. 
‘The analysis of our shared pasts to vouc 
safe a utopian future, Their real stories 
and my reinterpretation. My disingenu- 
ous omission of the dead woman hovering. 
My savior shtick and their capitulation to 
it. Their vow to assuage my big hurt. Му 
vow to kick the shit out of every male being 
who had ever done them wrong. Our cer- 
tainty that we would never cheat and that it 


would always be this g0000000000d. 


Deep talk, lovemaking, deep talk. On 
a transferably monogamous nightly basis, 
with any woman who might be Her. 

Crazy boy, all mental tricks, artist manqué. 

This fever consumed a full year. Shift- 
ing soul currents defined it. My physical 
anguish increased. The real world called 
to me again. 

“I will take fate by the throat.” 
Beethoven's shout at his advancing deaf- 
ness. The Master's chaste solitude and my 
retrospective conviction: Art is this dia- 
logue with untouchable spirits—and what 
you grasp for you can write. 


ххх 
My stimulation index exploded. Hookers 
invaded the Sunset Strip cn masse. 

It was 78. The Hillside Strangler panic 
had raged and subsided. No more Holly- 
wood abductions. The fucker had vanished. 
My prayers for his capture went unan- 
swered. I observed the upshot. 

Prostitutes swarmed Sunset for solid 
miles. Some wore skeevy whore threads 
and garish makeup. Most dressed like nor- 
mal women. They seemed to represent а 
new love-for-sale lifestyle. If they were sell- 
ing, I was buying. 

T knew some cops from AA. They gave 
me the lowdown. T he women were "week- 
enders." Some were "actresses" looking 
to score extra bread. Most were office 
workers and schoolteachers, branching 
out from dumps like Bakersfield and San 
Berdoo. They jungled up in motels and 
found safety in numbers. Sure, they looked. 
normal. But—no normal chick peddles 
her ass for gelt. 

The appearance of normalcy jazzed me. 
1 sensed individual stories shaped by spe- 
cious social codes. One cop cited cocaine. 
One cop cited rogue feminism. One cop 


"Let's stop before we both say some things we'll regret.” 


cited greed. Shake yo booty—the times, 
they are a-changin’. 

The women seemed real. I borrowed 
cars, cruised the Strip and scanned faces. 
I read their eyes, sensed what brought 
them there and what would convince them 
to stop. The women clogged the sidewalk 
from eight PM. on. I made dozens of recon 
circuits. I scanned for wholesome faces and 
evidence of cracking facades. I detoured 
then. I drove Sunset east to Bunker Hill. I 
staked out the Dorothy Chandler Pavilion. 

Symphony concerts ended around 10 
рм. Women with violins and cellos scooted 
out rear exits. I was a tongue-tied stage- 
door johnny. Most of the women met their 
husbands and boyfriends. They wore tight 
black orchestra gowns with cinched waists 
and plunging necklines. They looked anx- 
ious to shuck them, belt a few and talk 
music. Single women walked out, lugging 
heavy instruments. I offered to help several 
of them, They all said no. 

Back to the Strip. Back to reading 
faces. Back to the honing of my let's-buy- 
sex aesthetic, 

1 liked the women older than me. I 
thought they might be more grateful for 
my biz and more responsive, I liked the 
women with glasses. I liked the women with 
creased brows that said, “Hooking might 
not be kosher 

It took two dozen drive-bys and blow- 
offs from the L.A. Philharmonic. I saved up 
some coin, borrowed a car and pounced. 

It was midweek. It was cold. Rainstorms 
had blown through L.A. The Strip was 

acked. The women wore puffy wind- 

reakers and buckskin dusters. Г noticed 
a solitary pro upside Hollywood High. She 
wore granny glasses, She was rangy and 
fair-haired. She wore a slinky dress under 
a toggle coat. It was affectless and sweet. It 
was a geek's idea of sexy attire. She was 
seven or eight years older than me and 
appeared to be nervous. I extrapolated 
her life story instantly and to my mind 
adroitly. College prof on the skids. A his- 
tory of weak men. A disengaged notion of 
prostitution as a lab experiment. 

I pulled to the curb. She walked to the 
car and leaned in the passenger-side win- 
dow. I said, Hello. She asked me if I was a 
cop. I asked her why she thought that. 

She mentioned my short hair. I justi- 
fied the close-cropped style and told her 1 
worked at a golf course. She said, You just 
want to be different. 

The perception delighted me. She had 
a flat Midwestern voice. She said it was 20 
for French and 30 for half-and-half. I said 
Thad a G-note and just wanted a decent 
stretch of her time. She looked at her watch 
and asked me if I wanted something spe- 
cial. I said, Just some time with you. Нег 
look said, Oh—you're one of thase. 

She directed me to a motel, four blocks 
away on La Brea. The room was twice 
the size of my room and still small. She 
locked us in and pointed to the dresser. I 
laid five 20s down. 

The room was warm. My legs fluttered 
and dripped sweat. She took off her coat 
and tossed it on a chair. She had soft arms 
for such a slender woman. An image hit. 
me: Vera Miles as a cocktail-lounge artiste 


PLAYBOY 


me] | 


КА 


ананна 


N M 


move9953 пюуе9954 


GET M 


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PLAYBOY 


102 


in The Fugitive. She scooped the money into 
her purse. I said, We don’t have to do it. 
She said, ГИ kick you out if you сту. 

I leaned against the wall and shut my 
eyes. She told me not to make it into such 
a big deal. I opened my eyes. She unbut- 
toned her dress. I asked her where she was 
from. She said, Fullerton, 

An Orange County college town. My 
theory validated. I started to say some — 

She unhooked her bra. I saw her breasts 
and smiled. She said, That's better. I took 
her right hand and kissed her arm above 
the elbow. She jiggled my hand and 
Lighten up, okay? 

Deep breaths tamped my rev down. She 
kicked off her shoes and kept her socks on. 
She pulled off her dress and underwear 
and stood there. 

She said, Okay? 

The room tumbled. 

Tt was rushed after that. It was rushed 
because she wanted it to be over and I 
didn't want to embarrass or displease her. 

She didn't want to talk. 

She dodged my questions. 

She wouldn't let me hold her. 

1 don't know how long it all lasted. It felt 
like the world revealed. 


XXXXX 
So I did it repeatedly—with weirdo intu- 
ition and horny-pastor's-kid intent. 

The count was high, overpayment kept 
me broke, my criteria were unique. The 
swirl of available faces kept on coming. 

Borrowed pervmobiles got me to the 
Strip and home again, laid and unsated. 
Runs by the Dorothy Chandler Pavilion 
counterbalanced and ratched up my rev. 
1 aroused suspicion at both locations. The 
Hillside Strangler was a fresh local horror. I 
cruised the same turf. Why are you offering 
me extra money? No, I don't need you to 
carry my cello. 


I understood the distinctions between 
the two professions and treated both sets 
of women the same. I looked for a cultural 
component in the hookers and a brusque 
wantonness in the string players. I got 
action from the former and zilch from the 
latter. My extreme acuity was delusional and. 
acutely self-serving. I read faces for signs 
of the worthiness of love and demanded 
reciprocated love instantly. It was all crude 
male barter: money and mock-impromptu 
favors. I came in with prepared text and 
crumbled at the first sign of improvisation. 
Prostitutes did not want to hear my ratio- 
nale for buying their body. Violinists did 
not want my loser ass—they wanted the tall 
guy in the Guarneri Quartet or a straight 
Sviatoslav Richter. Both groups saw me asa 
zealot with a smoke-screened agenda, 

The prostitutes put faith in the banality 
of sex and trusted fuck-me-pay-me men on 
that basis. I could not accept the implied 
dictum. The musicians viewed sex as a sig- 
nificant, but not exclusive aspect of their 
lives in search of refinement. That idea was 
justas restrictive. The proper answer is Sex 
is everything—so show me the faces and ГИ 
write the story. 

My agenda was women as muse. The Str 
to the Dorothy Chandler Pavilion and back 
again. My selection process. A C-note offered 
for this: Can we get naked and talk a bit? 

1 logged three refusals. It worked four 
times. It depressurized the girls. It got me 
softness, taxed sighs and conversation, The 
thrill was the undressing and the staged 
tableaux. I heard stories of bad dads, 
cheating hubbies at Camp Pendleton and 
freaky Uncle Harold who groped them. 
еу were tired and pleased to find a low- 
exertion john. I studied them as I pressed 
close. They were saving bread to open a 
boutique. They needed coin for a retarded 
kid’s schooling. They were postsex or 
above sex. They were feminist pragmatists 


“What do you think, boss? We can take it down right 
after prom night.” 


hopped up on some paperback doctrine. 
They pooh-poohed the idea of sex as the 
biggest deal on earth. They gave me a pin- 
point moment of their lives and were grate- 
ful that I granted it importance. 

1 learned to chat a little. I learned a few 
sensual tricks. Do this or this—you might 
have а girlfriend one day. You're a sweet 
guy, get your teeth fixed, don't stare so much. 
What's going on in that weird head? 

Ttold a few. I said I want to write nov- 
els. I love crime fiction and classical music. 
My brain is overamped. I walk to work and. 
dawdle to look at women. Drama is a man 
meets a woman. Violent events intercede. 
Тһе man and woman are swept away Бу 
catastrophic corruption. They confront. 
a series of morally unhinged people who 
need to be interdicted and quashed. The 
man and woman cannot run from this 
malfeasance. The moral point of struggle 
is to overcome it and change. It scares ше 
to think that real-love sex flatlines and dies 
over time. I want real love and will find 
real love and will not let it numb my imagi- 
nation. You're drawing me little pictures. 
We're here to tell each other special things. 
1 don't care if you're just trying to be nice. 
and I'm paying you for it. Women take те 
someplace thunderous and hang me out to 
dry. 1 want to write from that romantic per- 
spective. You rewire my heart and show me 
how shit works. You talk to me and listen to. 
me. It's the world in a pop-up book I can 
understand 

Yeah, but I'm naked. 

'm naked, too. 

You're not going to ask for something 
creepy? 

No, I'm not. 

Thad that conversation four times. Stunned 
looks and зой looks followed. The last woman 
and I talked up to two AM. She was a ranch 
worker from Kern County. She kept her 
hands laced behind her head. 1 kissed her 
underarms at pause points in my mono- 
logues. It seemed to delight her. We didn't 
have sex. We faded out and slept together. 
She leaned into me and held my left wrist. 


4. 
Women fall asleep first. Penny taught ше 
that. Lover's insomnia—a primer. 

She's right beside you, she's naked, 
you've already made love. It's a trillion sce- 
narios replicated. She's insensate. You're 
wired. You're talking to her. She's oblivi- 
ous. You didn't pay her to listen, She's not 
talking back. 

Penny's bed was short and narrow. I was 
long-limbed and love-looped and liked to 
sprawl. Penny had perfected her sleep- 
with-men posture. She rolled away on her 
side and created a gap. It was symbolic. She 
reposed within inches. It was somewhere 
off Planet Earth. 

1 scooted closer. 1 let my foot brush her 
leg. I had reinstigated contact. Then I 
started talking to her in the dark. 

About her, about me, about Us. About her 
law-school studies and my book in prog- 
ress. I spent occasional weekend nights at 
her whim. Penny would sleep in. I got up 
predawn and zoomed to the golf course. 

The bed was a minefield. I never slept. 

Icraved more contact. I ran breathlessly 


PLAYBOY 


104 


anxious. She never said she loved me. The 
relationship was tenuous and unpredict- 
able. I laid there and anticipated move- 
ment. A knee tucked my way marked 
confirmation. I clenched my bladder 
until five AM. I fantasy-talked to Penny. 
1 fantasy-talked to other women and felt 
guilty about it. Turnovers filled me with 
gratitude, Pull-aways filled me with dread. 
She's your first sober love, and she won't. 
say the words, It's not supposed to be this 
way. You had it all planned out. 

We met in June 79. I was six months off 
of the whore patrol and five months into 
the book. I rocked with a sense of destiny 
and exuded a raucous panache. My clergy- 
men ancestors streaked through my soul 
and anointed me with their calling. They 
had pulpits. I had my book and AA lec- 
terns. I had шо stories to tell. 

T told my life story to a captive audience. 
Twas an accomplished public speaker at the 
get-g0. Years of mental rehearsal had pre- 
pared me. An unconscious resolve shaped. 
my testimony. I turned my journey to 
death's door into comedy. 

No murdered mother. No bloody cough- 
ing fits. The jack-off man and his loony 
lust—thats picaresque 

It got me laughs from the AA folks. The 
book gave me my life's composite woman. 
She sprang from faces studied over my 
watcher's lifetime, 

My hero meets her in a park I used 
to sleep in. She's poised on а bench with 
her Stradivarius. My hero hears strains of 
Dvořák and goes batshit. 

I meet Penny in a supermarket check- 
out line. She's buying her nephew a 
hula hoop. 

T got her phone number and called her. 
1 blathered and tried to make a sound 
impression. I mentioned classical music in 
due haste. Penny's reaction was, Fuck that 
shit—1 dig rock and roll. 

She was 26 years old and from Brook- 
lyn, New York. She had an East Coast 


accent and a slight lisp. She was Jewish. 
That appealed to me. It would force me 
to atone for prior anti-Semitism. She was а 
big knock-kneed woman with auburn hair 
and brown eyes. She was wary and warm at 
‘oddly equal intervals. She'd been through 
a string of boyfriends in а 70s manner and 
seemed amused by me. She had a married 
lover stashed someplace. Don't be bummed 
by this. Don't be so intense. You can be my 
main squeeze. 

Equivocation, mitigation, compromise at 
the gate. The suggestion of inimical values. 
A thorny personality. Better socialized than 
me. Respectful of my wild-ass path and in 
no way floored by it. Offering communion 
on her terms—take it or leave it. 

Мей... 

We kissed оп our first date. We were in 
Реппу car. It was a classic mutual lcan-in. 
That part conformed to my script. Penny 
pulled away and said, No—like this. 

Т almost ran. The correction racked me. 
She had a car, I didn't. She would become a 
lawyer. I might write an unpublished book. 

My self-assault outrevved her words. I 
leaned away, leaned back in and kissed her 
the right way. We kissed three more times. I 
understood that Kiss #4 might be rejected. 
1 said good night before Penny could. 

Date #2 was delirious. I showed up at 
Penny's pad with flowers. She noticed my 
erection, rolled her eyes and yukked. She 
wanted to rent bicycles and ride a path at 
the beach. I hated all antic activities. My 
reaction showed. Penny mollified me and 
tried not to act impatient. 

I blew my roll on the rentals and a 
burger lunch. That meant extra work at the 
golf course. We rode the bikes single file. 
We couldn't talk. It was existential anguish 
and a macho-mangled loss of control. I got 
pulsingly paranoid. I thought I saw Penny 
checking out a black dude. Danger! Danger! 
Danger! | detoured to the Dick-Size Dias- 
рога. Penny might be a coal burner! What 
if she required a hard black yard? 


“Dropped just short of the green.” 


Lunch was torture. My stomach churned, 
ту eyes darted. I orbed to Penny's breasts 
and Penny's eyes. Was she trawling for dark 
meat or measuring baskets? She caught my 
eyeball track. She said, Don't be so intense. 
I said, Can we go someplace and talk? 
Penny said, Your place? 

It was a first-time afternooner. It felt pre- 
cipitous. My movies never equaled their 
coming attractions. 

‘The move-in was synchronous. I kissed 
per Penny’s Date #1 instructions. My 
bed was as too-small as her bed would 
be. It was over too fast. A shared desire 
for release pushed us through. I wanted 
marriage, daughters and a crib in Brent- 
wood. Penny wanted companionship and 
an open-ended blast. 

Okay, let's talk now. You go first. I'm 
here to listen. 

Penny said she couldn't. She lisped those 
words and shook her head. She had to go 
home and study tort law. 


ххххх 
Her slouchy scope moved me. Her clumsi- 
ness ripped me up. She chewed her nails. 
Her hands were as big as mine. She was 
both ill at ease and content in her body. 

We loomed over people, She was five-ten, 
1 was six-three, We were similarly awkward 
and bruised from bumps into fixed objects. 
Walking entwined was dicey. We kept trip- 
ping each other. 

Late lessons unfolded. I was 31 and 
an unschooled zealot. I never questioned. 
Penny's honor. I lived in fear of her conten- 
tiousness and a streak of emotional absence. 
It was a fight I had to win. 

My mission was to grant her impor- 
tance. The Curse carried a debt of formal 
acknowledgement. She should allot herself 
more power asa woman and assume potent 
destiny as her birthright. My assumptions 
were a lover's perceptive gift and the shuck 
ofa controlling maniac. 

That's what gets me. That’s how 1 misdi- 
agnose female personae. That's the twisted 
core of my love-starved generosity. 

1 recast Penny in my own image. I super- 
imposed my drive upon her—because I was 
delivered бош self destructivo doom, and 
the corollary of exalted design sure as shit 
worked for me. That was my grave disser- 
vice, whatever my intent. 

Penny was smart, funny, honest, kind 
and proficient, The dumbfounding truth 
in retrospect: She was different from me. 
She lived in the world. She had a fam- 
ily, friends, colleagues, classmates, Her 
intelligence was generously defined and 
without conceit. My brain was didactic 
and stupefyingly attuned to personal 
advancement. 

‘And we had a groovy kid-lover time— 
when I eased up a little bit. 

Sex was sweaty and clumsy. Long arms 
and legs Пайед. Nightstands collapsed, 
bathroom fixtures caved, pictures fell off 
of walls. Debate was active. Penny yelled 
and sulked more than I did. My game was 
to apologize and re-seduce. Penny always 
offered forgiveness—because 1 always 


held the love talk I craved. My anxiety 


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PLAYBOY 


106 


and desire sizzzzzzled. She believed in my 
self-expressed and unconfirmed talent. 
She never lied to me. She dumped me, 
lured me back and put out one-night- 
only calls that I always jumped at. No 
marriage, no daughters, no possessive 
pronoun. Constant heartache and no 
narrative line. 

I stayed in the fight. I fixed on Penny's 
formative trauma and tried to salve her 
there. Her trauma was less hyperbolic 
than mine. She allotted her trauma a 
sane contemplation and not much more. 
She was not out to exploit her demons for 
public renown. 

You know, I'm not you. Won't you please 
lighten up? 

No, I will not. 

Penny had that married lover. She'd 
dropped details on occasion. I called him. 
a Jew cocksucker, Penny kicked me. I boo- 
hooed and repented. Penny laughed and 
took me to bed. 

I was fighting a two-front war. There's 
Penny. There's my book and the woman 
with the Stradivarius cello. Beethoven 
engaged in similar combat. There's the 
“Immortal Beloved." There's comely piano 
students in the meantime. Embrace me, my 
darling. Later, babe—I gotta write the Fifth 
Symphony, and I can't hear you anyw 

The presence of the married guy sanc- 
tioned me to prowl. I went at it, full speed. 
ed another set of women and 


melded them into my blur. They were 
real women. I met them, talked to them, 
courted them and had brief liaisons. My 
new self-confidence inured me to rejec- 
tion. I jumped on "Yes," tried again at 
“Maybe,” packed my tent at “No.” There 
were AA women and nude coffee dates at 
“Hot Tub Fever." It was 1980. Java in the 
buff was risqué and less than а wolf call. 
1 met women in restaurants and movie- 
theater lines. I got a lot of phone numbers 
and developed phone-talk relationships. I 
waited in the dark for the phone to ring. 
That's still my nightly MO. 

Deep talk ensued. There was a good 
deal of sex and no sex and sex as a topic 
of discussion. I picked the women dis- 
cerningly. I wanted women who could 
talk and interpose questions. The era 
was self-absorbed. Candor was a facet 
of the freewheeling lifestyle. Phone 
calls overlapped. I zoomed to strange 
addresses to have sex or not have sex or 
roll around clothed. 1 took on a confes- 
sor role. There was a vampiric edge to it 
I wanted the women to be fucked-up, so 
that they would need me. 

The counselor role came easy. I was 
actively pursuing my life's mission and 
had empathy to burn. I was happy 
because I was writing a book and was 
engulfed by women. They got me out of 
myself and back into myself and returned 
me refueled to the fictive woman with 


Duck. 


the cello. The story proceeded apace 
with my brooding sessions and phone 
calls. The book me is that breathless 
first-person detective. He's been morally 
reawakened and sees the woman with 
the cello as his payoff. He will be with 
her tenuously and lose her in the end. 
He will be alone with her memory and 
wait for a new grail to seek. He will exist 
in a solitary and dark-roomed state. My 
first novel predicted the through line of 
my life. I didn't know it then. 

Calls came in, calls went out, I got num- 
bers and distributed my number, Penny 
bombed through my life, unpredictably. 
She still had that married geek. She sensed 
my independent action and adopted a 
“Don't Ask" policy. 

I wanted to finish my first book and start 
a new book quick. It would be set in 1951 
I needed a face for the lonely and haunted 
woman in quintessence, 1 brain-bopped 
through my current life and my voyeur's 
path to date and came up empty. A rainy- 
night dream gave he 
She was tall and strong featured. Her 
hair was near red and not blonde. She 
wore crooked-fitting glasses and squinted 
without them. She came forward in 
laughter and nearly gasped in retreat. 
Mark me a prophet and recast my mysti- 
сїзїп years later. She was my future lover 
ne's identical twin. 

1 finished my first book and started my 


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second book a month later. Jean Hilliker 
had been dead for 21 years and six months. 
1 had nullified the red-haired girl from 
Shitsville, Wisconsin. Now I could trump 
her. Now I could write her story as fiction 
and quash The Curse flat. 

Heedless boy, how could you know?, fate 
calls you home late. 

My new hero was a womanizing cop. 
He had predatory instincts and my 
secker's rationale. Catherine's presaged 
twin showed up early in the text. Jean 
Hilliker showed up dead, under a pseu- 
donym. A guy based on my dad killed 
my mom. The cop met a lawyer based 
оп Penny. A dipshit kid represented me 
at age nine. The cop and the lawyer res- 
cued his sanitized ass. 

A family ripped asunder and a family 
reborn. Isn't that sweet? 

It worked dramatically. It further 
entombed Jean Hilliker and postponed the 
rush of The Curse. 

1 dedicated the second book to Penny. 
She swooned over the manuscript and de- 
clined to sleep with me that night. 

Both books were sold to a publisher. The 
combined advance was chump change. 1 
decided to move to New York. L.A. felt old. 
and constricting. Fewer phone calls were 
coming in. 1 sensed that the women had 
found real lovers. New York would provide 
me with a whole new swirl of faces 

I made some good-bye calls, None of the 
women called me back. Penny and I had 
a last nooner. The hookers had vaporized 
off the Sunset Strip. The Hancock Park 
houses looked the same. I looked Marcia 
Sidwell up in a half dozen phone books 
and didn't find her. The real Joan turned 
16 that year. Catherine turned 18. 

1 looked Penny up in '07. She was 54. 
She was married, had a teenage son and 
lawyered for the state AG. She'd read 
most of my books. Our first phone chat 
was a catch-up. 

She asked me how many ex-wives and 
daughters I had. I said, Two and none. 
She asked me if I still sat in the dark by 
the phone. I confirmed it. She said, You'll 
always do that. 


1. 
Paperback writer 

My first book hit the stands in Sep- 
tember '81. It sold scant copies. There 
was no author photo and no woman with 
a cello represented. The cover sucked 
Airedale dicks. Fuck—a man with a gun 
and a golf course. 

1 found a basement pad in Westchester 
County. I got a caddy job at Wykagyl Coun- 
try Club. The Big Apple was a train hop 
south. I blew my book cash on Hancock 
Park threads gauged for cold weather. I 
dressed up for jaunts to Manhattan. / knew 
She'd be there. 

My book agent quit the biz and offered. 
me some referrals. My third manuscript 
was white-hot and ready to unload. Two 
male agents urged extensive rewrites. A 
female agent looooved the book and thought 
I was cute. New York, the go-go '80s, a 
slinky woman of pedigree. She had hard 
brown eyes. She cleaned her glasses on her 
blouse tails and soft-focused her heart. We 


had dinner and a nightcap at her place. 
She played me a new record—the Pointer 
Sisters, with "Slow Hand." 

“Darling, don't say a word, ‘cause I've 
already heard, what your body's sayin’ 
to mine." 

1 believed. 

The bedroom faced north. The Empire 
State Building filled the window. The 
spire was lit up red, white and green. 
The woman and I undressed. This ardent. 
iviste had arrived. 


00000 
The basement was my all-time dark- 
est brood den. The lady upstairs was 
a conductor’s widow. Music kept lilt- 
ing through my vents. She went too 
heavy on the Mozart and too light on 
the Liszt. I didn't care. My publisher 
rejected my third novel. They found 
the sex-fiend cop and his feminist-poet 
girlfriend hard to believe. They were 
right. I wrote the book in a let's-ditch- 
L.A--and-find-HER-in-New-York fugue 
state. My quasi-girlfriend agent sent 
the book to 17 other publishers. They 
all said nyat. My quaskagent girlfriend 
dropped me as client and pink-slipped 
me as а quasi-boyfriend. I owed her 
$150 for Xerox fees. I paid her off with 
extra golf-course bread. 

A male agent coerced me into a 
rewrite. I went at it, reluctantly. Win- 
ter hit. Caddy season ended. I worked 
dishwasher and stockroom gigs and lived 
ultracheap. Manhattan magnetized ше. 
The faces popped out of dense sidewalk 
traffic. The women were overcoated, hat- 
ted and scarved. I couldn't see enough 
skin to read auras. Cold air and breath 
condensation. Voyeur prowls deterred. 

1 habituated coffee bars and got num- 
bers. I got callbacks at a low percentage 
of my L.A. rate. I lived in the burbs. That 
was déclassé. You wrote а book. So? You 
schlep bags at a golf club. Stockbrokers 
are more my meat. 

The burbs were sexile. 1 kept hearing 
that. I lacked lifestyle loot. I kept hearing 
that. Publishing parties got me some clout 
and indoor access. I saw the first Her at a 
Murray Hill bash. 

She was a big preppy woman. She ran six 
feet and probably outweighed me. Tartan 
skirt, winter boots, burning eyes and freck- 
les. She was THE OTHER, assuredly. 

I walked to the can, combed my hair and 
adjusted my necktie. I popped back to the 
party. She vanished—auf Wiedersehen. 

1 prowled the surrounding blocks and 
didn’t see her. I went back to the bash 
and interrogated the guests. I came on 
too persistent. The host suggested that I 
leave. I flipped his necktie into his face 
and skedaddled. 

The night was cold. The moon was full. I 
walked up Fifth Avenue, baying. Passersby 
swerved around me. Dogs bayed back from 
swank apartments. I cut cast on 43rd Street 
and hotfooted it toward Grand Central. 
I saw a woman hailing a cab just west of 
Madison. The Brooks Brothers windows 
golden-glowed her. She was blonde. Her 
overcoat was mud spattered. She wore red 
leather gloves. She was shivering. Her face 


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THE WALL GROUP, MANICURE: CHRIS- 
TINA ZULETA, PROP STYLING: JUSTIN 
MIKAL DAVIS, STYLING: MEL OTTEN- 
BERG FOR MANAGEMENT ARTISTS, 
T-SHIRT AND BIKINI BOTTOM FROM 
AMERICAN APPAREL, PRODUCED ВУ 
PATTY BEAUDET-FRANCÉS. 


107 


PLAYBOY 


108 


was goose bumped, her hair was askew, 
she'd chewed off her lipstick. Her nose was 
too big. Her chin was too strong. She was 
THE OTHER, incontestably. 

I fast-walked toward her. An eastbound 
cab pulled by me. The woman opened the 
door and got in the backseat. I sprinted, 
slid on my feet and hit the rear bumper. 
"The woman looked around and saw me. I 
winced. My knees were ratched from the 
collision. I smiled. It spooked the woman. 
She looked away. The cab turned north- 
bound and brodied on hard snow. 

Easy come, easy go. It was cold. My knees. 
hurt. I could relive the heavy heartache 
back at my pad. Douse the lights and spin 
the Chopin nocturnes. Baby, we were close. It 
should have been. 

1 limped to Grand Central. The wait- 
ing room was crowded and overhcated. 1 
bought my ticket and walked onto the train. 
I saw the woman. She was THE OTHER, 
incontrovertibly. 

She was tall, sandy haired and 10 years 
older than me. She had grail-grabbing gray 
eyes and a gaunt and sweet face. 


She was carrying a cumbersome portfo- 
lio. I helped her hoist it to the rack above 
the seats. She thanked me. We sat down 
together and talked. 

Her name was Marge. She was a com- 
mercial artist. She'd been showing work 
samples at ad agencies all day. I asked her 
how it went. She said, Bad. She was in a dry 
spell. She inquired about my employment 
1 told her I'd written two published books 
and worked at a country club. Your family? 
1 don't have one. 

She smelled like wet wool and dissi- 
pating cau de bath. She sat on my right. 
Her damp hair brushed my windbreaker. 
She asked me where I detrained. I said, 
Bronxville. I said, Your destination? She 
said, Tarrytown. 

The train chugged through north Man- 
hattan and the Bronx. Milk-run stops 
slowed the passage and pressed time in 
on me. We talked and leaned toward each 
other. I tried to read Marge and sensed her 
reading me. It was soft voiced. Small anec- 
dotes made big points. We spoke contra- 
puntally and never interrupted. Our hands 


“Yes, there was a lot of action on the lake. However, 
we didn't catch a thing." 


brushed. We retained the contact. The pact. 
was synchronous. 

1 said something funny. Marge laughed, 
displayed bad teeth and covered her mouth. 
I showed her my bad teeth. She laughed. 
and held my chin to get a better look. I put. 
my hand on her hand and steadied it. She 
said, Your teeth are worse than mine, and 
let her hand drop. 

We looked away and gave the moment a 
breather. The train jiggled. We bumped. I 
brain-scrolled the script. 

1 instill confidence, she rebukes rash- 
ness, we consolidate our hurt. Dogs on 
the bed and warm nights in cold climates. 
Her older-woman status and insecurity. 
My assurance of how much I loved it. 
Her body's ripening currents over time. 
That cau de bath caught first thing in 
the morning. 

The Bronxville stop approached, 
Marge and I shared a look. She said, I'm 
married. 

1 touched her shoulder and got up. 
Our knees brushed. My knee spasmed 
from the stunt with the cab. I got off the 
train, walked down the platform and 
stood by Marge's window. She pressed 
her hand up to her side of the glass. I 
placed my hand over it 


ххххх 
The brood den enclosed me. Caddy gigs 
and chump jobs kept me borderline sol- 
vent. I wrote and chased. 

"The sex-fiend cop became a hardback 
trilogy. The feminist poet was supplanted 
by a brainy call girl and the cop's resur- 
rected ex-wife. The woman-with-a-cello 
book stayed in print. Ditto the my-mom- 
got-whacked-and-I'm-in-flight epic, 

I was happy. I was grateful. I wrote books 
for minor remuneration and got minor 
acclaim. I was too circumspect to self- 
immolate and too tall and good-looking to 
lose. All my crazy shit stayed suppressed, 

New York in the '80s. Jesus—what a 
fucking ride! 

The city was felicitously female. It was a 
dizzying disproportion, The face pool was 
bottomless and bottomlessly reflecting. I 
kept seeing myself. 

My prescience had deserted me. The 
Curse had been roadblocked by hard 
work and a curt dismissal of the debt. I 
was out looking for women looking back 
and up at me 

My watcher’s lifetime ran nearly four 
decades. My debilitating hunger was 
vaulted and lockboxed. I believed that 
it had given me mastery and an end- 
less ticket to ride. Doped-up self-sex 
had almost proven fatal. I sought death 
to prove my love to a ghost. It was the 
unconscious courting of reunion. I 
wanted to expunge our disparities and 
unite us as a whole. I went at women 
because they were there. My revised 
standards denoted my flight from and 
back to the vault. I started to think that 
almost any woman could save me—if I 
confessed hard enough. 

The stories I wrote controlled this self- 
phenomenon. I acceded to the strictures 
of the hard-boiled school and honed my 
craft. I perfected the art of womanizing 


simultaneously. I felt the weight of hor- 
rible circumstance upon me. It was huge. 
It did not justify my predation. I once 
scanned faces for rectitude. Now I read 
them for susceptibility to male charm. 

One-night stands, short-term deals, 
longer-term girlfriends. Sex and no sex, 
brood sessions and phone calls. “No” was 
still “No"—but I heard it less and less. I was 
that attuned to female discontent. 

Fuck—the phone rang a lot. I kept a 
G-note tucked away for late-night cabs to 
the Apple. They were all decent women. 
No STDs, no coke-dealer boyfriends, no 
Glenn Close with a knife. They loooved 
my I-want-a-wife-and-daughters spiel. 
It was abstractly true. It was specifically 
and equally true that 1 didn't want it with 
them. 1 knew it going in. I shouldn't have 
lied. I possessed greater honesty in my 
unlaid and mystical state. I never bought 
their let's-sce-how-shit-plays-out routine. 
That permissive jive got kicked out of 
me in L.A. I capitulated to the notion for 
more sex and softness, I rejected it in my 
heart of hearts—and my heart of hearts 
cradles my conscience. 

If sex is to be everything, then so She 
must be. I did not bring you this far to 
drop you in an inappropriate bedroom. 
This woman does not possess your ferocity. 
You'll know her if and when you meet her. 
God is speaking to you 

Stand back now. Sex is the investing of 
your full soul and imagination. 

I know it consciously now. The revela- 
tion often curtains my current time alone 
in the dark. I ached for the kinship of the 
body then. I wanted every touch, taste and 
breath I could have. I was too compromised 
to ever let it be just that 


OK 
I wanted an unnamed woman. It was the 
inextinguishable flame of my life. I wanted 
to write a woman's story. I knew her name: 
Elizabeth Short 

The Black Dahlia. 

Factors postponed the book. John Greg- 
ory Dunne had brilliantly explored the 
case in True Confessions. 1 had to differenti- 
ate my book from Mr. Dunne's. I had to 
grant Betty Short a precious identity. An 
investigative saga. An obsessed narrator. An 
accretion of horror and a rich female spirit 
disinterred. A lonely detective's journey 
from wantonness to love, 

I began microfilm research and stitched 
up the plot. I recognized Jean Hilliker as 
a sister phantom reborn and dedicated 
the book to her. Honor the debt and 
reseal the tomb. Tell the story on your 
best-selling book tour. Combine Jean and 
Betty and ignore the enveloping issue of 
women. Seck more recent phantoms who 
might assuage you or teach you or at least 
fall for your act. 

Marcia Sidwell and Marge kept nudg- 
ing me. They played hell with my phone- 
call stints and stunts with present women. 
I called directory assistance once a week 
and tried to track Marcia. I had a friend 
post a note at that L.A. laundromat. 1 
checked Grand Central station for Marge. 
І cruised the Tarrytown station and lurked 
by the tracks. My landlady told me about 


the film Brief Encounter. lt was a circa-45 
British weeper. A man meets a woman in 
a train station. She’s married, he’s not. 
They acknowledge their love and kowtow 
to propriety and circumstance. My land- 
lady said, You'd dig the soundtrack—it's 
all Rachmaninoff. 

Bummer. You don’t fold before circum- 
stance. You're a weak sack of shit if you do. 

‘True in 1985. Still true today. 

Things were getting better. Book money 
trickled and almost flowed in. I tossed my 
caddy cleats. I wrote Betty's story as the 
phone did or did not ring. 

And it was just that good and just that 
acclaimed. And it sold just that well. And it 
honored Jean Hilliker—as a fount of male 
inspiration and an opportunity. 

People magazine ran a feature. The pho- 
tos flattered me. I had a listed phone num- 
ber. Four women called out of the blue. 

Women #1 and #2 sounded crazy. I got 
off the line quick. I kowtowed to circum- 
stance with the others. Beethoven grinned 
and scowled above us. Jesus, what a run! and 
You're a fucking scheisskopf! 

Lalways get what I want. It comes slow or 
fast and always costs a great deal 

The world veered toward me. Acknowl- 
edgement and compensation flowed. 1 
bought women I just met four-figure cash- 
mere sweaters. I overtipped waitresses to 
the verge of bankruptcy. I sent half the 
female universe flowers. Sex was there or 
was not there. I stayed in my dark basement 
with big bucks in the bank. The phone rang 
or did not ring. I wrote three more great 
fucking books. Joan and Catherine came of 
age a few miles south. They did not know 
each other or know me. 

Propriety beckoned. Marriage and 
daughters became a fixation. I proposed 
to two women in short-term relationships. 
They vehemently declined. I proposed to a 
longer-term sweetheart. She said Yes. I ran 
from her as we said our vows and settled in 
Hancock Park East. 

Our home was too spacious and airy. 
Marriage countermanded my mandate 
of seduce and explain. Cohabitation was 
constricting. My wife was in no way culpa- 
ble. My office was too bright. My yard was 
too big. My wife was probity defined. She 
got me as much as women got me and 
played out her end of the string. I wanted 
out, so I got out. I had to be back in that 
dark hole, with a phone line plugged in. 

Beethoven winked in welcome. Divorce 
was an exacting legal duty. Repentance 
came naturally. I saw the hasty union as 
atonable misconduct. My wife saw my 
departure as demons aswirl 

"There's the dark, there's the phone, 
there's the Grosse Fuge. 

“Таке note of what you are secking, for 
it is seeking you.” 

It's a paraphrase. Some swoony swami 
said it. Attribution doesn't matter, because 
itis true. 

1 always get what I want. I conjured her, 
so she came. 

Lover, confidante, subverter, mighty soul 
and sacred comrade. 

Hark the name Helen Knode. 


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PLAYBOY 


110 


SHIA LABEOUF 


(continued from page 36) 
flag mentality. It starts legitimizing feelings. 
I'm not saying that would be a route Га 
choose for myself, but what he did doesn't 
scem that far-fetched. There are ways, with 
all the pressure in this business, to get to a 
place like that. I've seen the door he walked. 
through, you know what I’m saying? Fortu- 
nately, Г can see that door and keep walk- 
ing, but I've seen it. I try not to get too 
dark, If 1 find I'm sinking, ГИ get out and 
paint toilet seats or ride dirt bikes or shoot. 
Firing shotguns really helps me. 

PLAYBOY: Where do you do that? 

LABEOUF: Steven Spielberg takes me when he 
goes. We go to a place called Triple B’s and 
skeet shoot. He's an Olympic shot. The hand- 
eye coordination of that man is unlike anything 
I've ever seen. I mean, if he weren't a great 
director, he could be one of our greatest snip- 
ers. 1 feel so fortunate for any time I get with. 
Steven. It's one of those things 99.9 percent of 
the population only get to dream about, Like 
with the first Transformers, when Michael Bay 
wanted us to experience the full effect of the 
technology and sound of the film and brought 
us to a coliseum in Taormina, Italy to screen 
it in front of hundreds of screaming people. 
And you walk in and it's like Ben-Hur or some- 
thing. These people had never seen а movie 
like this, and to have a giant screen and the 
sound blasting and the whole coliseum shak- 
ing and then to have someone from the movie 
right thes old-fashioned sort of thrill 
Sometimes I can't figure out how I got into 
this secret community I always wanted to be 
part of. Outrageous. Just outrageous. These 
people I've always seen as godlike—Steven, 
George, Michael, Harrison—they’re now part 
of my life, part of my history. 

PLAYBOY: It will be interesting to tell your 
kids about some day. 


LABEOUF: I hope, yeah, I pray, man. It'd be 
cool. I hope I’m still here іп 10 years to tell 
them. I think about that sometimes when I 
see the hat that Harrison gave me. 
PLAYBOY: Which hat is that? 

LABEOUF: It’s Harrison's hat from Indiana 
Jones. 

PLAYBOY: Wow. Cool. 

LABEOUF: Yeah. It has his sweat stains from 
the whole movie in it. We were way out. 
somewhere at an airplane hangar on the 
last day of shooting, and he took the hat 
off his head, signed it and handed it to me. 
1 didn't want to tell anyone about it at the 
time because I didn't want people to think, 
Oh, he's going to be the next Indy or that 
some sort of crown had been passed to me. 
“That wasn't the point. 

PLAYBOY: What did it mean to you? 
LABEOUF: Well, when I looked at the hat 1 
saw he had written something with a silver 
Sharpie. It said, “It's all yours now, kid— 
Harrison." And I know it's easy to perceive 
that as his handing the reins over to me оп 
a franchise or whatever, but again, that's not 
it. First of all, Harrison isn't like that. He's 
so stoic, so John Wayne-ish. The whole idea 
of handing down a legacy would be such 
bullshit to him. What I read it as is “Keep 
your shit on." It was his way of saying “Life 
is going to get crazy now, so strap on tight, 
kid." And that's what I've found. When 
you're in a life situation like mine, it's hard. 
to keep your head straight, because there 
are so many temptations, so many obsta- 
cles—unless you know the secret. 

PLAYBOY: So what is the secret? 

LABEOUF: Ha! Great question. I clearly 
don't have a secret. But if I find it, РИ be 
sure to let everyone know. 


SCOTT BORAS 


(continued from page 74) 
five out of nine games, with the first two in 
a neutral city. Announce the MVP and Су 
Young awards at a gala held between the play- 
offs and а new World Series weekend. Move 
the home-run contest from the All-Star Game 
to that week, too. The gala and home-run 
derby would lead to game one of the Series 
on Saturday, with game two on Sunday. Then 
the Series would go on with the final seven 
games in the Series teams’ cities. This way, 
different places get part of the Series. I want 
the World Series in Pittsburgh, Texas, Seattle, 
“Teams in those markets would sell more sea- 
son tickets. World Series weekend would be 
а major stage for corporate events; it could 
advance the game to the next level. 


918 
PLAYBOY. Have you ever taken less than top 
dollar for a player? 
BORAS: Many times. Alex Fernandez had a big 
contract with Cleveland but wanted to play 
in Florida, his home state. We took less from 
the Marlins. Kyle Lohse liked St. Louis; Ве 


agent. Jason Varitek took a lot less tc 
the Red Sox in 2005. Jason said, " 
fair contract, but don't negotiate with other 
teams. Just Boston." I said, “ 
you 20 percent of your value, 
fine. Greg Maddux loved pitching for the 
Cubs, but in 1993 he told me, "I want to play 
for a team that can win." I said, "Greg, that 
won't happen in Chicago." We agreed that, 
with the Braves’ pitching and the prospects, 
Atlanta was a great destination. Later on 
Greg gave up about $30 million because he 
didnt want to go to the Yankees. His pitching 
style suited the National League, 


019 
pravaox: What will happen on the field in 
2009? 
BORAS: The Yankees should 
and make the playoffs. Tei 


defense, was a huge signing for them, The 
National League races could be very dif- 
ferent this year. The Mets probably would 
have won in 2008 with the bullpen they 
have now. The Marlins have an up-and- 
coming superstar in Hanley Ramirez. 
Manny's in shape for a great season with 
the Dodgers, and I won't be surprised if the 
Cubs have a great year. 


920 
PLAYBOY. You've been heckled at ballparks, 
Does it hurt? 
BORAS: Yeah, people come up to me and 
You're wrecking the game.” All I say 
is "I'm glad you're a baseball fan." Because 
the fans care. They love the game, and so 
do I. The difference is that my apprecia- 
tion for the players’ skills is much higher 
than a fan's because I know how hard the 
game is. I never wanted anything more 
than to play pro ball. Even the job I have, 
as much as I enjoy it, there’s no compari- 
son. There is just nothing like waking up 
and thinking, I'm playin’ ball today. 


Hot. Digital. 
(continued from page 40) 
"like drowned rats. It wasn't sexy at all." 

Larry disagrees. 

At dinner, before Mercedes called Larry, 
she had suggested to her two girlfriends 
that they surprise him with a spontaneous 
foursome. She told Betty and Kathy, "Let's 
ruin his life. We're going to ruin his life 
because once someone has a taste for this 
it's hard to go back." 

*We thought we were going to ruin him. 
for straight girls," Betty says, "which didn't 
turn out to be the case." Like many women 
in the Lifestyle, Betty refers to women as 
girls. "We were disappointed," she says. "We 
wanted a little more shock and helplessnes: 
as though Larry had no idea this kind of 
thing—threesomes, 
foursomes, orgies— 
existed. "Instead," 
Betty says, "he took. 
the rein: 

Typically, Mer- 
cedes says, you put a 
guy who is not part of 
the Lifestyle scene 
that situation and he's 
going to go for his 
comfort zone. He's 
going to go for me,” 
the woman he knows. 
But Larry didn't. 
“He grabbed my 
girlfriend. Betty," 
Mercedes says, "threw 
her on the couch and 
started eating her out 
Kathy and I looked at 
each other. The party 
was оп! 

Mercedes told 

у, “No fingers." 
hat do you 


cedes repeated. "WI 
did I say? No 

Those were the rules 
Mercedes laid down, 
“You can suck only,” 
she explained. 

Betty started 
laughing. 

“We tell people what 
we want them to do,” 
Mercedes says, “so you don't have to do the 
fishing expedition.” 

“Next thing you knew,” Larry recalls, 
“I had Kathy sucking my cock. Mercedes 
was underneath me, licking my balls. I was 
like, Fantastic! I'd never had a threesome 
or foursome before, 

Tt was, Larry decided, geometrically better: 
Each added person multiplied possibilities 

here's so much stimulus," Larry 
explains, “everything gets sensitized.” 

It became hard to focus on any particular 
body part—his or his partners. "You just 
join the aroma around you,” Larry says. 

Asin a square dance, they changed part- 
ners—and positions. Although Kathy told 
Larry, “I’m sorry I can't let you fuck me in 
the ass. I broke my tailbone the other day 
playing roller hockey.” 


“Kathy's great to play with,” Mercedes 
says. "Easy to play with. Never gets upset 
about anything.” 

There was a lot of bending, but no break- 
ing, of rules. 

Three rounds," Mercedes says. "Amaz- 
ing fun. I set it up purely for me, the most 
selfish moment in my life.” 

“You should be selfish more often," 
Larry laughs. 

That rainy night Larry also didn't leave 
anyone out. “Whoever I was with at the 
time," Larry says, "it was like she was the 
only one there, not like I was looking over 
her shoulder at who was next." He shrugs. 
“Т only have one cock!” 

Mercedes thought Larry was special not. 
just because he took control but because he 
didn't assume this was his birthright. A guy 


< 
PLAYBOY 


v 


p——————— 


who isn't wired right will expect an orgy 
"every time he sees you, rather than under- 
stand this isn't easy to pull ой: 

Still, the instantaneous and ubiquitous 
communication available because of the 
Internet and texting makes it casier than 
ever to pull ой, as Larry would soon learn. 

After the women left, at 4:30 in the morn- 
ing, Larry sat gazing into space, thinking, I 
have a very good life. 


Since the arrival of the Internet, the 
swingers scene Mercedes, Betty, Kathy, 
Veronica and Reggie—and now Larry— 
are part of has exploded both numerically 
and geographically. In the past, people 
interested in alternative sex had to find 
partners through ads in the back of spe- 


cialty magazines like Connections, Spectator 
and Select, which were hard to find in some 
arcas. They had to send letters and wait for 
responses. After a number of exchanges, 
when everyone felt safe and comfortable, 
people might make phone calls to get 
a sense of the others from the sound of 
thcir voice and the immediacy of the inter- 
change. After enough phone calls, people 
might meet in bars or, ifthey lived in large 
enough cities, seck out swingers clubs. All 
that effort was shaded by a sense of poten- 
tial ostracism 
Now, with the Internet, Craigslist, 
ace, Yahoo or any of the many aduli- 
oriented sites like LifestyleLounge.com, Alt 
сот, Blissparty.com, AdultPartyQues. 
Fling.com, Swappernet.com, Privat 
com, SwingLifeStyle.com and AdultFriend 
Finder.com (which 
Peter Cook visited, 
according to his ex- 
wife Christie Brinkley), 
people can instantly 
be put in contact with 
hundreds, even thou- 
sands of potential 
swing partners, for 
either hard swing- 
ing (parties where it 
is assumed couples 
will trade partners) 
or soft swinging (par- 
ties where swapping 
is available but not 
assumed) 
One typical site— 
SwingersClubList 
com—advertises 
itselfas “the most up- 
to-date free world- 
wide directory for 
the swinging lifestyle 
with listings in the 
following categories: 
swingers clubs, par- 
ties/groups, hotels/ 
B&Bs, shops, online 


ily sorted 
by name, location, 
reviews and ratings. 


Rated by 
Swingers" includes 
“personals, parties, 
gangbangs. 

For those who want more than just one 
bite of the apple"—presumably the apple 
offered to Adam—the North American Swing 
Club Association International, or NASCA, 
offers information about “on/off premises 
clubs, travel and resorts, publication listings, 
conventions and events, Internet service 
breaking news, frequently asked questions. 
and swing club franchise opportunities. 

This is no back-alley sneak-around com- 
munity. The Internet has turned swinging 
into a multimillion-dollar industry that is 
growing every year, involving—accord- 
ing to Dr. Robert McGinley, founder of 
NASCA—at least 400 clubs in the United 
States with perhaps 3 million American 

ipants. AdultFriendFinder.com claims 
to have 31,959,644 members. Even smaller 
and less metropolitan states boast sizable 


ш 


PLAYBOY 


12 


subscriber numbers, like Alabama, which 
allegedly has 226,061, and Utah, which 
allegedly has 135,219. 

Alt.com claims to be the "world's largest 
BDSM and alternative lifestyle personals” 
site. It has, according to its own account- 
ing, 2,932,224 members—again, not just in 
large cities. Even Guam has a membership 
0f716. American Samoa has 34. 

The Lifestyle scene changes from city 
to city. “It’s very geographical,” Veronica 
explains on the way to the Fetish Вай. 
“Some cities don’t have a scene.” Other 
cities have scenes that are specific to the 
particular erotic DNA of the local culture. 
Los Angeles, not surprisingly, tends to be 
into exhibitionism and voyeurism. New 
York, the financial capital of the country, 
tends to be more into S&M, BD and DS: 
power. Reggie dismisses New York. “Not 
happening,” he says. “From the neck down, 
nothing happening.” Too intellectual— 
although that may betray his Los Angeles 
bias. Maybe in the suburbs. Westchester 
County. Connecticut. New Jersey. 

San Francisco is “more artsy,” Veronica 
says. “Unusual. Eclectic.” 


“Miami is very into drugs,” Reggie says. 
“Late nights. Ecstasy.” 

Dallas? 

“Very stratified,” Reggie says. 

“Denver has a good scene,” Veronica says. 

“Denver,” Betty agrees, "is a free-spirited, 
open-minded city." 

They circle back to New York and agree 
that Giuliani destroyed the scene. 


From the moment Larry and Mercedes 
spotted cach other on a music-video set — 
Larry was visiting a friend, Mercedes was 
training dancers—it was lust at first sight. 
If this had been one of Larry's movies, 
everyone else would have faded into the 
background. The soundtrack would have 
become muffled, and they would have 
moved toward each other in slow motion as 
the camera made a 360-degree pan. Their 
relationship also developed quickly because 
Mercedes was ready for an adventure. 
"Three weeks earlier," Mercedes says, 
"I'd been at a business meeting with a guy 
and his partner, who was ridiculously good- 
looking." They were at the bar at the Stan- 


“Now let's try LXIX." 


dard, on Sunset Strip. The man Mercedes 
had met for business had an early call the 
next morning. "You guys keep talking," he 
said—and left. 

“I knew I wasn't going to have any 
dealings with this guy again,” Mercedes 
explains, so she set out to bed the good- 
looking partner. 

“So,” Mercedes asked, “you live around 
her 

“As a matter of fact,” the partner said, “I 
live in a loft right down the street." 

Mercedes thought, Hmmm.. 
married?” she asked him. 

"No." 

“Do you have a live-in girlfriend?" 

"No." 

“Do you want to go back to your place?” 
Mercedes asked. 

"What?" 

“I have a hall pass from my boyfriend,” 
Mercedes explained. “He says I'm wel- 
come to go home with you if I want to. 
And I want to." 

"Shouldn't we do the responsible thing 
and get to know each other first?" 

"Absolutely not," Mercedes said. “I don't 
want to know you." 

He ordered another drink. 

Mercedes said, "Check, please." 

This became a running joke between 
Mercedes and her boyfriend: I give you a 
hall pass, and you can't close the deal! 

So when Mercedes met Larry, she 
thought, I'm going to get this one done! 

She was intrigued. She liked Larry. Не 
didn't seem needy. He was laid-back, Hon- 
est. Which, Mercedes says, is “very, very 
rare among single men. He never told me 
what he thought I wanted to hear, He never 
looked like he had an agenda. 

"So," Mercedes asked Larry, 
you do?’ 

“I'm an actor," Larry said. 

"You make a living as an actor?" Mer- 
cedes asked. 

"Yeah," he said. 

“I was a bitch,” Mercedes later says. 

She gave him a hard time, but she didn’t 
much care who or what he was. They went. 
out three times before she thought to 
Google him and discovered, "Oh, he's for 
real.” He was a successful actor. 

As Mercedes left the shoot, she was 
already texting Larry: HOW SOON CAN WE 
GET TOGETHER? 

WHAT ARE YOUR FANTASIES? she texted. 

WHAT ARE YOUR FANTASIES? he texted. 

“Td tell him a story,” Mercedes says. “He'd 
add on. Then I'd add on, Then he would.” 

Through texting and e-mail Mercedes 
almost instantly discovered Larry “liked 
the side of sex I liked.” 

Master-slave role-playing. 

“I think people feel more free texting 
Mercedes says. “I definitely talk more freely 
in text. I don't do phone sex so well. I 
change the subject." 

"When we first met," Larry says, "I was 
out of town a lot. Texting kept the interest. 
growing. We had a bet to see who could 
make the other masturbate first using 
e-mail and text. So when we got together 
it was explosive." 

Texts flashed back and forth between 
them. 


“Are you 


hat do 


“We pushed the pedal to the metal,” 
Mercedes says, "and were going 200 miles 
an hour. We knew where the other was 
fantasy-wise before we even got together." 

Technology lubricated their relation- 
ship. What might have taken a month or 
two to develop 20 years earlier—maybe 
during a dozen dinners and two dozen 
late-night conversations as they edged 
deeper into their erotic jungle—happened 
almost instantly. 

“Watch people texting,” one orgiast 
says. "The constant tapping of keys, the 
rapt expression—it even looks like some- 
one masturbating,” 


Unlike Larry—who sees himself as a sex- 
ual touríst— Mercedes is a sexual hobbyist. 
Larry indulges occa- 

sionally; for Mer- 
cedes, the Lifestyle is 


She stumbled onto 
the scene 15 years 
ago, when she was 
21. She used to go 
to a resort in Loreto, 
Mexico called Di 
mond Eden, between 
Cabo and La Paz. She 
didn't notice anything 
unusual about the 
place until she and 
her girlfriend went 
Talloween. 

en on the 
plane it was kind of 
odd," Mercedes says 
“Ninety percent of 
the people were also 
going to the resort 
А guy was walking 
around the plane 
with a clipboard, 
checking people off.” 

Heasked Mercedes 
and her friend their 
names and scanned 
the list, Nope, they 
weren't on the roster. 
He walked away. 

At the resort, they 
were sitting by the 
pool when Clipboard 
Guy came up to 
them and said, "You 
weren't on my list.” 

“What list?” Mercedes asked. 

Clipboard Guy thought they were part 
of an organization that was meeting there, 
Lifestyles. 

What's Lifestyles? Mercedes wondered. 

She began to pay more attention 
There were, she noticed, a lot of people 
wandering around naked, being unusu- 
ally affectionate. 

“I ended up dating a guy who was part 
of the organization,” Mercedes says. “A 
bodybuilder.” 

She still has friends she met on that 
weekend 15 years ago. 

"There's no division,” Mercedes explains, 
“between my life and the Life.” 

But that doesn't mean she isn't discreet, 
she says. She was in a restaurant with a 


dozen friends from the Lifestyle scene, and 
one couple was being obvious about their 
swinger association. Across the room was 
“a client of mine,” Mercedes explains. She 
started distancing herself from the obstrep- 
erous couple, but the woman in the couple 
said, at the top of her lungs, “I don't give a 
it who knows I'm a swinger.” 

“Needless to say,” Mercedes adds, “I got 
acall the next day from my client, who said, 
1 don't want to be affiliated with that.’ I lost 
a $1,200-a-month client.” 


The foursome in the rain was so success- 
ful Mercedes decided she wanted Larry to 
host a pussy party: Larry, Mercedes, Betty, 
Kathy—and four of Mercedes s friends who 
are part of the scene, including Veronii 


ёё 


who came without Reggie on the condition 
that she could play with the other women 
but not with Larry 

Seven women and one man. 

Since the foursome, Larry had played 
with Mercedes and Betty, but none of them 
considered that an orgy: Three people 
doesn't rise to their definition of what con- 
stitutes an orgy. If four is the lower limit of 
an orgy, what is the upper? 

Larry and Mercedes exchange glances. 

With more than a dozen, they agree, it 
becomes hard to keep track of people— 
although theoretically there is no upper 
limit 

When she throws parties at her house, “I 
limit it to 20 or 30 couples," Mercedes says. 
"And I have a wait list. 

But she prefers smaller parties. 


Bates) 


“Two on two,” “three on 
three...” 

Even with such a low number there's 
“so much pressure,” Mercedes says. “Four 
people have to like one another. Hard to 
get that dynamic to work.” 

"Think of it as dating: Even one-on-one it 
can be hard to find the right match. 

What about parties with other men? 

“If I had 50 women," Larry admits, “I 
wouldn't mind another guy—across the 
room 

Mercedes wanted to throw the pussy 
party at Larry's primarily to give each 
woman a chance to act out a favorite fan- 
тазу “no matter what it was,” she says. “I 
wanted to do something just for the girls." 
One wanted to hang out with her girl- 
friends. Another wanted to watch. Another, 


she says, 


Betty had 
mate con- 
nection" with Larry, 
whom she co 
ered her 
boyfriend 
wanted Larry 
aloud from 
her favorite book, 
the first volume of 
Anne Rice's erotic 
trilogy The Claiming 
of Sleeping Beaut 
She wold Ley This 
is who Lam." 

But Mercedes 
may also have been 
trying to draw Larry 
back in. 

Larry had been 
so busy with busi- 
ness—acting gig 
trips to New York— 
that Mercedes felt he 
was neglecting her 
One of her many 
text messages read, 1 
CANT BELIEVE YOU'RE 
NOT HERE. ГМ IN BED 
AT THE STANDARD 
WITH A DILDO UP MY 
ASS, WISH IT WAS YOUR 
COCK, BUT YOU'RE 
NOT HERE, YOU MADE 
YOUR CHOICE, 

Remember the 
old telephone ad “Reach out and touch 
someone”? With the Internet, that's more 
possible than ever before. 

A pussy party might get Larry's attention. 
"The only rule Mercedes gave Larry was по 
touching. He was there as a butler. A major- 
domo. A boy Friday. Serving only. Larry 
grew up in a household with his divorced 
mother and three sisters, two older, one 
younger, whom he raised. He explains, 
“Giving a woman a nice time when they 
don't have to do shit pleases me.” 

“His role for the night was supposed to 
be like a page—to get things,” Mercedes 
explains. “It was never supposed to prog- 
ress to where it did.” 

They timed it so that when the women 
arrived Larry had a bubble bath waiting, 
candles lit, wine poured, beer on ice. 


113 


PLAYBOY 


14 


“It couldn't have been a more diverse 
group of women," Larry says. It was like 
having a harem made up of the Seven 
Dwarfs. Very sexy, lithe and lovely dwarfs: 
Sexy, Sleepy, Sleazy, Bashful.... 

Larry got them drinks. A kiss here. A kiss 
there. Then he was in his underpants, lean- 
ing back against the headboard of his bed, 
with the women stretched out around him 
on the mattress. One of them cuddled up 
to his left, wearing white panties with pink 
stripes around the leg holes and a white 
shirt with a pink oval pattern. Another 
woman was to his right. A naked woman 
leaned faceup against his chest while 
Mercedes—wearing red-and-pink striped 
panties, a white short-sleeved shirt and a 
small-brimmed hat—lay facedown between 
her open legs. 

“Within 10 minutes,” Larry says, one 
of the women, Dawn, “had my cock in 
her hand.” 

‘Things got rolling—or, as Mercedes 
thought, out of control. 

“Td be fucking one,” Larry says. “Some 


would be watching. Some going down on 
me. Some going down on each other.” 

Three of the women ran to the bathroom 
and started making out in the bubble bath. 
More wine flowed. 

“The problem is the reality of these 
things,” Veronica says. "There's always 
some catastrophe.” 

One of the three girls got out of the tub 
and grabbed a towel. Which was caught 
under a painting. Which fell. In the bed- 
room, when Larry heard the glass shatter- 
ing, he thought, Great, the best night of my 
life, and I'm going to end up in the emer- 
gency room! 

In the bathroom “everyone froze,” 
Veronica says. “Three girls in the bath with 
broken glass and wine and....” 

Larry ran in. Everyone was all right. But 
the bathroom—and the rest of the house— 
was a wreck. Larry started to clean up, but 
Mercedes said, “Get out of here. We'll take 
care of it. 

‘The women went into action, picking up 
the glass and putting salt and seltzer water 


"It's gold, I tell ya! Gold earrings! Gold bracelets! Gold teeth! 
be We've discovered a whorehouse!” 


on the wine-stained sheets, After they fin- 
ished cleaning up, Mercedes corralled the 
others and told them, "You girls are going 
to fuck the shit out of him because you're 
fucking up his place." 

The story of the Seven Women Who 
Destroyed a Guy's House has become leg- 
endary in the Los Angeles Lifestyle scene. 

For the rest of the night, until 6:30 the. 
next morning, Larry remembers, "every 
orifice, every part of my body was being 
touched by a tongue, a pussy. I was fuck- 
ing this girl. There was this girl going down 
on another girl. There were tits all over." 
If this had been а movie, Larry thinks, the 
daisy chain would have made a great dolly 
shot. One of the women prided herself 
on giving the best blow jobs in L.A. Larry 
says, “She was going to town. Mercedes and 
Betty were watching, and they were like, ‘If 
you blow your load, we're going to fucking. 
kill you.’ And 1 didn't. They loved that.” 

Was it the best blow job in L.A.? 

It was, Larry admitted, maybe a 9.3. 

Larry spent a good part of the night 
doing multiplication tables to "keep from 
putting myself out of busines 

At one point all seven women were on 
their backs as Larry went from one to the 
other to the next. Licking. Like a vaudeville 
performer keeping seven plates spinning 
on seven poles. One, Larry says, tasted like 
а bold merlot, another like a light white 
wine, another like springwatei 

Unlike the swingers scene 30 or 40 years 
ago, which was driven by men, the scene 
today is driven by women—which made the 
pussy party at Larry e not at ай unusual—at 

st not within the Lifestyle. Mercedes sup- 
plied the soundtrack for the party. “Women 
are responsible for their own orgasms and 
the soundtrack,” Larry says. “That's going to 
be my platform when I run for president.” 


А Вей orgies, Veronica and Reggie like to 
play naked Jingo. “Or the name game,” she 
says. “All sorts of stupid games, We watch 
one another have fun and be silly and hang 
out and then go and have sex. It's all sort 
of seamless.” 

People in the Lifestyle scene autosort: 
"Couples find their own niche,” Veronica 
says. “Just like in high school. 

“The people into kink hang together. The 
people into sexy outfits hang together, The 
people into drugs hang together, though there 
aren't as many drugs as one may suppose. 

“Mostly ecstasy,” Mercedes says, “and 
Viagra and Cialis..." 

Harder drugs like coke or even softer 
drugs like pot make people dysfunc- 
tional—both sexually and socially. “And it’s 
more fun if you can have a conversation,” 
Veronica says. 

During the Night of the Seven Women, 
Larry recalls, “you'd think the conversa- 
tion would have been very light. But I had. 
deeper conversations than I would on my 
third or fourth date with somebody nor- 
mal,” outside the scene. “Everything from 
child rearing to psychology. Most of the time 
when a guy asks a girl about where she grew 
up, etc., it's about getting laid. I'm already 
getting laid, so if I ask a girl anything or 
if she asks me, it's real. I realized an hour 


in, when they asked а simple question like 
"How many sisters do you have? they really 
wanted to know. There's no bullshit." 

The women at the orgy confirmed that 
Larry's charm and authenticity made the 
evening work. Most guys available online 
are the same type: Arizona, buffed, chinos, 
short streaky blond hair, a little too tan, 
shirt a little too tight. Two generations ago 
it would have been George Hamilton. 

Just a tool. 

Some people seck anonymity in their 
orgies: anonymous bodies to rub against. In 
fact, for some the anonymity is what counts. 
But more often than not people in the scene 
describe that phenomenon as old-school, the 
way people approached orgies in the past. 
"Today the orgiasts seem to be searching for 
the same thing the characters on Friends and 
Seinfeld search for: When we leave home and 
move to the big city, who will be our family? 

The pure sex,” Larry says, “only lasts 
for so long,” 

Even for those just looking for a “tool,” 
it seems to be as hard to find a good date 
in the Lifestyle community as it is in the 
vanilla community and for some of the 
same reasons, especially the proportion 
of appropriate available males to avail- 
able females. Over and over, women in the 
scene complain there aren't that many men 
out there. Unless you get to know the other 
person as a person and have a relationship, 
Veronica thinks, it's just friction. 

“Its a lot more comfortable when you know 
the people," Betty agrees. "You're a lot more. 
free to relax and enjoy it, to express yourself. 
Especially for a single woman." 
he more people involved," Mercedes 
says, "the more inappropriate people are 
involved." 

Which is the downside of the Internet. It 
has made hooking up too easy. And oddly, 
orgiasts do not like that kind of promiscu- 
ity, which encourages people who don't get 
the rules to join in. 

"Eleven, 12 years ago, everyone just 
flocked together," Mercedes explains. You'd 
go to a Lifestyle resort and see “а celebrity 
sitting next to a plumber in his 50s.” It was 
more democratic. But there's a difference 
between erotic democracy and the erotic mob, 
Increasingly, "no didn't mean no anymore," 
Mercedes says. Men became more aggres- 
sive, expecting—demanding—sex from any 
woman at a party, whether or not the woman 
wanted to play. Mercedes noticed the change 
six years ago at a Halloween party. 

"Some guy just walked up behind me," 
she says, "and I was like, I don't know who 
the hell you are." 

Rejected, the guy threatened Mercedes, 
who had to go to the party master and have 
the man ejected. 

‘At big parties, “people don't screen any- 
more,” Mercedes says. “Safety has gone 
out the door, and you have to feel safe to 
feel sexy." The big-party scene also became 
more and more commercial. 

“I resent paying $200 to go to a party 
that doesn't have good music and you 
have to bring your own alcohol,” Мег- 
cedes says. For a lot less, she says, “I can 
get a group of my friends together and 
Tent a house for the weekend." 

Or use Larry's house.... 


Betty, Veronica and Reggie have also 
moved away from the big-party scene. That 
scene—like the weekly Bliss parties in Los 
Angeles—is about sex and profits. Their 
orgies are about sex and love. 

The three of them have been intimate 
for four years. Some marriages among their 
friends haven't lasted that long. Most week- 
ends, Betty comes into Los Angeles and stays 
and plays with Veronica and Reggie, who drop 
their kids off at their grandparents’ house. 
‘They have had Thanksgivings and birthdays 
together and met cach other's families. 

“1 had no idea it was going to get as deep 
ог intense as it got as fast as it got,” Veron- 
ica says. Taking Reggie's arm protectively, 
she adds, Betty's “our girlfriend." 

How does that work? Does it work? 
Clearly, among the three of them, they are 
not—monogamous? Triogamous? 

“No, no,” Reggie says, "there's always 
room for pretty women.” 

Pretty women, Unmentioned are hand- 
some men. But the women—like the men— 
like women. The scene is a gynarchy, in 
which men like women who like women. 

“When we started being with Betty regu- 
larly,” Veronica says, "all of a sudden every- 
thing changed. The sex was exponentially 
better because of the emotional connection. 
We knew who she was, knew what made 
her..." 

“With someone you don't know," Betty 
says, "there are always concerns, issues." 

"She's seen us in our darkest hours," 
Veronica says. 

“And you've seen me in mine,” Betty 
says, turning to Veronica and Reggie. “It 
just seems so natural." 

Jealousy? 

“Communication,” Reggie says. 

“From my perspective,” Betty adds, “this 
is the most perfect relationship in the world. 


How could there be any jealousy? I'm in the 
easiest position, having nothing to lose.” 

But the best part, all three agree, is not 
the sex; it's the cuddling after sex. The 
spooning. Adds Veronica, “And the pan- 
cakes the next morning. 

Betty, Veronica and Reggie plan to buy a 
house together in northern California and 
live together with Veronica's and Reggie's 
kids from their previous marriages. 

Will it work? 

Larry's priorities are different. "I'm not so 
committed to the scene,” he says. He sees his 
foray into the Life ending in three different 
ways. “First,” he says, “in a Garry Marshall 
kind of way: Mercedes brings someone, we 
hit it off, she's Ms. Right, and we walk off 
into the sunset. Second, 1 шесі Ms. Right, 
but Mercedes freaks out and grabsa carving 
knife—the Basic Instinct ending. Third, the 
Big Love ending: ‘Honey, I'm home. Honey 
and Honey and Honey.” 


On the night following the Domination 
Convention's Fetish Ball, Larry, Betty, 
Veronica and Reggie jump into a limo 
and cruise through the Los Angeles night. 
They discuss what to do with the rest of 
the evening. Drop by the weekly Bliss 
party to hang with the couple hundred 
gawkers and stalkers? Drinks at the Sunset 
Marquis? Back to the Chateau Marmont, 
where they had started the night hav- 
ing dinner three tables over from Drew 
Barrymore, two tables over from Robert 
Downey Jr. and across from one of the 
Olsen twins? 

"What I want," Veronica says, dismissing 
the fetishists at the ball, “is to go home and 
have some good old-fashioned hot se: 


"You better go. Here comes my husband." 


115 


AND FRIENDS АВЕ ТАКТ 
ТОР) FOR CHARITY 


PMOY 2008 Jayde Nicole founded Lengths for Love and signed up 
her Playmate friends—including Miss February 2007 Heather Rene 
Smith and Miss June 2007 Brittany Binger—to donate their hair for 
cancer patient wigs. PMOY 2007 Sara Jean Underwood, Crystal 
Harris, Hef and Cyber Girl Cristal Camd 
Jayde says, "If something as simple as cutting your hair can help 


attended the launch. 


someone as much as these wigs do, I don't see why anyone wouldn't 
want to do it.” Go to myspace.com/lengthsforlove to help out. 


MOVE OVER, STEINEM 


The Examiner tapped Miss June 2008 Juliette Fretté to be its new colum- 
nist for women's issues. A sample: “W 


at about leg 


lizing the exposure of Шы Five years ago this month 
ts? Even as a Playmate I would be uncomfortable walki we introduced you to 
down the street exposed, even under such a liberal ruling. Why? Perhaps < Miss June 2004 Hiromi 
it would not be the exposure as Oshima. She was our 
much as the response I am con- 2 first Japanese Playmate 
ditioned to expect from society қ and а huge hit with 
for such an action.” А fans on both sides of 

у the Paci Hiromi was 
astutely cast in Nelly's 
music video for “Shake 
Ya Tailfeather” and 
recently played herself in 
The House Bunny. She 
is still an integral part 
of our family, working 
hard at our events and 
continuing to be a Man- 
sion regular. In February 
the Playboy Club in the 
Palms hosted her 29th 
birthday party. 


women’s bre: 


Journey: From scholar to ‘Playboy 


Want to SEE MORE PLAYMATES—or more 
ofthese Playmates? You can check out the Club. 
online at olub.playboy.com or access the mobile- 
optimized site playboy.com from your phone. 


DID YOU PMOY 1994 does Miss February 1986 PMOY 2001 boasts 
Botox right. “I get it minimally so сап акаа. the Funny Bunny, appeared at the that Donald Trump didn't yell at her 
KNOW still move my face. But It's a savior.” Ocean City Hot Rod show. once during Celebrity Apprentice. 


PMOY 2004 


has some good 
dating advice: 
“Men never aot 
like themselves, 
and that is such a 
turnoff. I respect 
а man so much 
more if he can 


4 


just be himself. 
Be real, be hon- 
est, and don't put 
on a show for me. 
A date shouldn't 
feel like a job 
interview." 


PILAR LASTRA 
E ¿ CAN 


an annual celebrit 
Super Bowl pool. 
Among those who 
cast their predictions 
this year were Maya 
Angelou, Condole 

za Rice, Bill O'Reilly 
and our own Miss 
August 2004 Pilar 
Lastra, who forecast a 
28-24 Pittsburgh vic- 
tory. The final score 
was 27-23, with the 
Steelers taking home 
the trophy. Take it 
away, ESPN.com col- 


clad megababe 
better than washed- 
up jocks at predicting 


perhaps ESPN should 
reexamine its busi- 
model.” 


MY FAVORITE PLAYMATE 


BULOR 


NA SCOTT | э 
Ч. 


“My favorite Play- 
mate is Miss March 
2002 

I'm a little 
prejudiced since she 
is a friend of mine 
and I know she is as 
warm and beautiful 
on the inside as she 
is on the outside. 
Tina is exceptionally 
smart and giving, and 
she's a true woman 
of this new century. 
We also look exactly 
alike naked." 


ANNA NICOL 


The British Royal Opera House 
will be putting on a productio 
b 


/ 1993 Anna Ni. 
It's an incredible story 


operatic and sad. She was quite a 
smart lady with a tragic flaw." 


Miss June 1993 Alesha Oreskovich 
says she Is "a sucker for a guy who 
wears hls baseball cap backward." 


QUT AND ABOUT WITH... 


Miss April 2009 modeled Super- 
star Swimwear's Golddigger suit on her Inside 
Fashion show for 
the E! network. 
The line (superstar 
swimwear.com) is 
designed by Febru- 
ary 2009 Employee 
of the Month 
(inset). 
Danielle's styles are 
glam—all it rock- 
and-roll chio—but 
she strives to make 
the swimwear feel 
more like comfort- 
able lingerie than the 
usual rigid bikini... 
For Vivienne Westwood's spring fashion show, Miss 
February 1990 was the face and, 
as Elle reports, the muse: "The beauty inspi 
for the show was actually Pamela herself." The 
models were even styled with Pam-like bed-head 
hair... Miss May 2007 and IRL 
driver Marco Andretti lit arr. 
up the red carpet at Nick 


Lachey's Super Skins 
— Kickott party... Miss 

November 2003 
will wed Dr. Winston Fong in August. The cou- 
ple will celebrate in Mexico with friends and family 
before honeymooning in Taly. Divini says, “Winston 
is wonderful. He has always been very supportive of 
the fact that T spend a lot of ime on Divinirae.com" 


Miss July 1968 Melodye Prentiss, who HID py 
worked In our editorial library before 
posing, passed away in March. KNOW £ 


ВООКЕВ Т. 


(continued from page 58) 
pulsate: Blind Oscar on the organ could fill 
up that Club Handy with sound." 

In the late 1950s Memphis was the capi- 
tal of groove—big bands, small bands, rock 
bands, rhythm and blues, Before he could 
legally drive, Booker T. Jones had become the 
go-to guy for Memphis's best R&B bands, a 
multicinstrumentalist with a deep feel for the 
guitar. “The bandleaders had to persuade my 
mom and dad that they were okay,” he says. 
“Га play baritone sax, piano, and I had that 
Sears Silvertone guitar and a little amp. We'd 
be in these cow-pasture joints, playing up- 
tempo blues, and when it gets a little 100 late 
and a little too loud and the sheriff is in there 
and everybody's dancing and it's hot and it's 
grinding and the guitar gets turned up and it 
starts to crunch—I could make that guitar do 
that, Those were the beginnings of rock and. 
roll, But you didn't do that at Stax Records.” 

His introduction to Stax, which would 
become the chief purveyor of sweet soul 
music in the 1960s and 1970s, came when 
the label was renovating his neighborhood's 
movie theater, making it intoa recording stu- 
dio. Rufus Thomas, who lived nearby, walked 
in with a song idea that needed a baritone sax. 
‘The bandleader got Booker from his 11th- 
grade algebra class; he borrowed the school's 
horn. “Before I left that session,” says Booker, 
“T let them know I played piano, too.” 

Stax turned out to be a great opportunity. 
Most of the grown-up musicians worked day 
jobsand had families, so once Booker finished 
his paper route, he'd play sessions all evening. 
One Sunday he and some other guys grew 
tired of waiting for rockabilly singer Billy Lee 
Riley to show up. They cut a blues number 
popular in the clubs, “Behave Yourself.” ‘To 
release it as a single, they needed a B side. 
Steve Cropper reminded Booker of a piano 
riff he'd been fooling with, and Booker tried it 
on the organ. Not long after, disc jockeys were 
favoring the flip side, and "Green Onions" 
became an international hit. Happenstance 
formed Booker T. and the MGs; serendipity 
made them an integrated band. 

“Ifyou think about it, you'd be stupid to try 
to start something like that in 1962 in Mem- 
phis,” Booker says. “In those days in Mem- 
phis some terribly inhuman acts happened. 
‘The emotion was extreme in the South and 
in this country—it was out of control. If we'd 
thought about it, there'd be no way the band 
could work.” Memphis was their home, but 
the city each member lived in was vastly dif- 
ferent. The musicians built a rare bridge 
between their cultures that has since been 
trod across and danced on by generations. “I 
think our purpose was so true that the racial 
issue just became secondary.” 

That focus on the music kept them 
together as Stax went through a variety of 
growing pains and ownership turmoil, and 
it allowed them to continue asa group even 
after Booker moved away from Memphis. 
In 1967 the MGs and Otis Redding stole 
the show at the Monterey Pop Festival. But. 
in turn, California stole Booker's heart. "I 
stepped on the street in Monterey, and it. 
changed my life," he says. "For the first. 
time I saw restaurants giving out food for 
118 free. People were sharing hotel rooms and 


PLAYBOY 


disregarding money. I never felt an attitude. 
like that before." 

“Three years later, when Stax was temporar- 
ily run by absentee owners whose memoran- 
dums sank of greed, Jones remembered the 
generosity he'd witnessed out West—and he 
moved there. The MGs then recorded Melting 
Pot, the title song of which has often been sam- 
pled. But when Jackson died, the group dis- 
banded. Cropper and Dunn were in demand 
as producers and session players; Booker, who 
had produced Bill Withers's debut album, 
including "Ain't No Sunshine," and played 
with Bob Dylan on the soundtrack to Аш Gar- 
ret and Billy the Kid, was living in Malibu. Не 
and neighbor Willie Nelson had begun play- 
ing guitar on each other's decks at the ocean, 
and they found a shared admiration for some 
of pop's classics. People tried to dissuade Nel- 
son from pursuing it, but Booker recorded 
Nelson in Emmylou Harris's Beverly Hills 
home, and soon even the execs couldn't deny 
the magic of what became the multiplatinum- 
selling Stardust. Jones has remained the go-to 
guy for musicians of all genres. 


“Rock and roll is all about politics to me,” 
Jones says. “Music of the status quo and the 
establishment is quiet and polite, and rock 
and roll is anything but polite." The songs on 
Potato Hole gestated while the American sta- 
tus quo was changing, while Barack Obama 
was establishing himself as a contender for 
а job held for 200 years by a white-skinned 
person. "This music came from that atti- 
tude. I can feel proud of America because 
I've been ashamed of America. I've been in 
Europe and wished I could speak a different 
language. The men who wrote the Constitu- 
tion were some of the smartest and bravest 
who ever lived. Since we've elected a black 
man as president, we've become a beacon to 
the world. We actually do live our creed." 
This soul man’s venture into rock and roll, 
then, is less a genre jump than a divining of 
the change in the world around him. The in- 
tensity of the music—and its accessibility—is 
his reflection of a changing America. “The ac- 
tual music can mean an emotion—they can be 
one and the same,” he says. “A piece like Fin- 
landia by Sibelius—how does a man write that? 
His country has been taken and belongs to 
another country. When an artist can put an 
emotion in a piece of music and a listener feels 
the same emotion, then it hasbeen transferred. 
"That's just a real true thing you can't touch.” 
That real true thing is elusive and diffi- 
cult to create, but Jones strives for nothing 
less. “The creative process can be almost 
divine in its beauty if it's allowed to reflect 
its source,” he says, “but so many things can 
get in the way. You can forget your idea. You 
can be unable to re-create it. It may not be 
recorded correctly.” He thrives on the gen- 
erosity of music—sharing his interpretations. 
“The Drive-By Truckers let me have the 
reins. They understood this music and they 
put their own personality into it, and I was 
inspired to go further with them.” 
Inanalbum full of surprises, one of the big- 
gest is the cover of Tom Waits's “Get Behind 
the Mule.” “Му family comes from the back- 
woods of Mississippi, and that's what they did 
for years—got behind the mule. My uncle took 
me out in the field, put my hands up on the 


plow and said, “This is how you do it. You've 
got to keep it right in the row here’ And the 
mule can be stubborn. And when it's raining, 
when the sun's shining, when it's hot, when 
it’s cold—you're looking at a mule's ass. This 
is your life. But the verse that got me was that 
someone committed a murder and didn’t run. 
You've got to pay for it. Got to get behind the 
mule. It's just a few words, but it says a lot.” 
The album's name, Potato Hole, comes from 
Booker T. Washington’s autobiography, Up 
From Slavery, a book Jones was recently read- 
ing. It refers to a hole in acabin’s earthen floor 
where food was kept. "I recall that during the 
process of putting the potatoes in or taking 
them out,” Washington writes, “I would often 
come into possession of one or two, which I 
roasted and thoroughly enjoyed.” Similarly, 
Jones considers this album “a place where you 
deposit a group of happy feelings. We used 
to have a joint back in college where all the 
blacks would hang out, We called it the Hole, 
It was a party place with dancing, and the 
music also came from thinking about that.” 


“The conversation has subsided, and the sound 
of Booker's wife, Nan, preparing a meal in the 
next room emerges—to me. To Booker, the 
sound gavottes. Something is being chopped, 
a plate is lifted from a stack. The living room is 
bathed in light. The bookcases reflect interests 
in history and music. Booker says, “We're sit- 
ting here now, hearing these sounds. There's 
nothing distracting us. Suddenly you begin to 
feel her. You look at this place; you look at me, 
what she has done for me, the family, and you 
begin to feel Nan.” For Booker T., the world 
isa constant inspiration for music, and tuning 
in can result in, for example, track five, "Nan," 
оп Potato Hole. A part of him is always ready 
for melody, rhythm and perception to gel. 

"The food is ready. "I think the reason any 
of the artistic process works for me,” he says, 

1 have learned to shut off the creative 
ideas and the constant flow of music in my 
mind at the right times. You have to function 
in the real world. You can't always be in your 
studio. The trick is to shut the valve off and 
deal with it.” 

He rises and leads the way toward the din- 
ing room, the creative switch flipped off. But 
afier one step, he turns and snatches a nearby 
book, The Golden Ratio, from a table and says, 
"Music gives you a way to organize not only 
notes but all sorts of ideas that fit into that. 
framework. You think of 12 notes in the scale, 
12 colors in the spectrum, 12 months in the 
year and 12 bars in blues. That's Western. 
music, but what about Eastern music? What 
if you have 16 bars or 18? Thirteen is the 
magic number if you use it in conjunction. 
with eight and five. And that's the golden 
ratio.” He smiles. "There are so many pos- 
sibilities to link music with mathematics and 
beauty, with nature and art." 

“That switch is never really turned off. He 
glides on the currents of music, seeing and. 
hearing the world as the elements of a com- 
position. Memories, politics, family, math- 
ematical theory and a field's furrowed rows, 
the grind of an old roadhouse, the crackling 
ofa purloined potato as it cooks—everything 
makes a meal for Booker T. Jones. 


THE PLAYBOY FORUM 
A POSTCARD FROM EUROPE 


AN ACCLAIMED CROATIAN NOVELIST FEELS HOPE 
DESPITE THE FISSURES OPENING AS THE ECONOMY SINKS 


BY DUBRAVKA UGRESIC 


| 'd be hard-pressed to claim that Europe is coming 

apart at the seams. All I know is that a friend of mine, 
Wa Dutch playwright, decided to put aside his career and 
embrace the recession with a sober mind. He opened a 
how-to-survive-the-recession advice center. He has no 
complaints except that his job transition, he says, sounds 
like a bad joke. 

Another Dutch friend of mine, a journalist, lost her 
job. She turned the living room of her apartment into 
a kitchen. She makes patés 

xd sells them to restaurants 

nd specialty food stores. Her 
work is going well, and she has 
no complaints. The only thin; 
is, as she remarks with а tinge 
of melancholy, she is up to her 
elbows 

from without, all seems 
п its place, Venice hasn't 
k; the tower in Pisa stands 
slant. But every now 
a seam rips open 
somewhere: Immigrant youths 
go wild in Paris suburbs and 
smash everything in sight 
the young of Athens are in a 
frenzy, and then the northern 
dominoes topple: Vilnius, Riga. 
Tallinn. For the wild and embit- 
tered players in these riots, the 
Берер werd in Acolipen. Raro: 
pean hooligan outbursts are 
treated in the media as if they 
were hurricanes. Once the hur- 
ricane has passed, the media 
stitch up the seams as skill- 
fully as if there had never been 
seams at all—until the next 
hurricane strikes. 

Internet sites about the 
world recession have the 
drawing power of porno 
sites. I can't say the reces- 
sion has much to do with 
pornography, but I do know 
that Charlotte Roche's book 
Wetlands has had a Botox- 
like effect on the European 
masses: The worry lines have 
been smoothed. This is how 
ordinary people forget for a 
moment that they have been 
or will be laid off; they for- 
get their worries about their 


children and how to get them through school, about 
evaporating social funds and the future 

Ordinary Europeans ooze solidarity. The circulation of 

human cargo—thanks to the fall of the Berlin wall (Europe 

celebrates the 20th anniversary this year!) and the ben- 

efits of globalization—is livelier now than ever, First Polish 

plumbers went off to fix plumbing from Dublin to Madrid, 

then Romanians flooded European train stations with their 

accordions. Young Moldovan teachers joined western 

European prostitutes solicit- 

ing on every corner of Europe 

Bulgarian women are fine 

maids in the homes of western 

Europe; Albanians are clever 

traffickers and pimps; Serbs 

and Croats are trusty drug 

smugglers; Croatian women 

е sought as caregivers for 
the Italian elderly, Ordinary 
people, the Wessies and Ossies, 
have struck up a dialogue, as 
the Japanese apparently have 
100: It is cheaper for the Jap- 
anese to ship their elderly to 
Croatian nursing homes than 
to go bankrupt looking after 
them in Japan. 

If Europe is not coming apart 
at the seams, the idea of Euro- 
pean multiculturalism is show- 
ing its cracks. Romanians pelt a 
Gypsy (claiming he's not a Roma- 
nian); Hungarians flog a Roma- 
nian (thinking he's a Gypsy) 
Dutchmen trounce a Moroccan; 
Moroccans thrash a Dutchman. 
Italians clobber an Albanian or 
whomever they grab. The num- 
ber of Europeans complaining 
that Jews are getting the cushy 
jobs in banking and politics is 
mushrooming. Apparently this 
is because of Gaza and the reces- 
sion, they say (history is hardly 
the teacher of life!). The young, 
self-appointed champions ol 
national values, in some places 
called street gangs, elsewhere (as 
in Hungary) called the young 
guards, go after someone every 
other minute: The Russians go 
after people with non-Russian 
faces, Croats thrash a tour- 
ist (thinking he's a pedophile), 


HI 


Serbs clobber a Gypsy (claiming he's gay) 
Bulgarians beat up a Turk, Austrians a 
non-Austrian, and Silvio Berlusconi, the 
Italian master of life and death, has forbid- 
den people to die. People are edgy, but for 
now, as far as the analysts are concerned, 
these are merely incidents 

Ordinary people in the West and 
the East are sinking slowly into the 
underclass, according to the sociolo- 
gists. Ordinary people are losing their 
faith in banks, courts, institutions 
and politicians, though a majority of 
them voted for those same politicians. 
Indeed, some western European politi- 
cians, followed by the post-communist 
leaders—the people who had thumped 
the nationalist drums, the semicrimi- 
nals and criminals, the profiteers 
smugglers of cigarettes and guns, the 
corrupted liars—don't offer much 
hope. Political apathy and a deficit of 
social imagination are on the rise. 

Europe is holding on tight despite 
it all, and even if seams were ripping, 
all were magically resewn on the day of 
Ot зу Europeans 
roused from their political lethargy, put 
down their bottles of beer and listened 
to Obama's address with rapt attention. 
Obama briefly united millions of legal 
European citizens of non-European ori- 
gin with the Europeans who come from 
Europe; he united the Moroccans and 
Dutch, the Walloons and Flemish, the 
Catholics, Protestants and Muslims. Even 
the Slovenes momentarily forgot the 
quibbles with Croats over the Adriatic on 
the day of Obama's inauguration. What 
was the trick? Obama succeeded in doing 
something not a single European politi- 
cian has been able to do. People believed 
him. Obama made the word change con- 
vincing; he gave solemnity to the word 
hope; he made the word future real Obama 
brought back forgotten values. One of 
them is decency. With Obama, many not 
only feel better, they have become better 

Europe and America are bound by an 
umbilical cord. Like my friends, I am pre- 
paring for the recession. Гуе put in stores 
to help me weather the worst. I ordered 
many cans of tuna fish from a Yugoslav 
dealer in Amsterdam who supplies the 
diaspora with products from home. Adri- 
atic tuna is the best; the cans are square 
flat and thin. You can pack a library with 
them: the European classics—Proust, 
Kafka, Joyce—in front, and behind, cans 
of tuna. Like in Russian homes during 
communism: in front, Tolstoy, and behind, 
the dissidents. As far as the social imagina- 
tion is concerned, I have plenty; it has not 
dried up. Obama is my hope, too. 


English translation by Ellen Elias-Bursac 


FORUM 


DREAD PIRATE 


BUSTED BY THE FEDS FOR FILE SHARING 
JARED BOWSER SHARES HIS SAGA 


By Althea Legaspi 


оа certain subset ofastute music 
] fans—and legal experts—the 
name Jared Bowser is a sort of 

code. Hewas part ofthe first indictment 
for music piracy, in 2006. His night- 
mare began in August 2005 when the 
then 20-year-old Florida resident was 
given an advance promotional copy of 
Ryan Adams's Jacksonville City Nights 
as a birthday present. A huge Adams 
fan, Bowser reviewed the album on a 
fan message board. Another message- 
board owner, Rob Thomas, convinced 
Bowser to give 
him four tracks 
Thomas then 
posted those 
songs on his own 
message board. 
The tracks in 
question were 
digitally water- 
marked, which 
made them 
traceable to the 
person to whom 
the promo 
was originally 
issued. Soon the 
feds were knock- 
ing on Bowser's 
door, and he 
was facing the 
possibility of 
11 years in jail 
and $750,000 
in fines. Bowser 
and Thomas 
became the first 
people prose- 
cuted for music- 
file sharing under the Family and 
Entertainment Copyright Act, the 
2005 law Congress enacted to com- 
bat music and movie piracy. After 
incurring about $50,000 in legal fees 
Bowser was sentenced to two months 
of house arrest and two years of pro- 
bation. As all this was unfolding, 
a band Bowser was in released an 
Internet-only EP. His new band, Sun- 
bears!, just released its music online 
too. With file sharing back in the 
news—blogger Kevin Cogill is await- 
ing sentencing after pleading guilty in 
December to leaking songs from Guns 
№ Roses’ Chinese Democracy —we spoke 


Bowser is an indie musician and a major fan. 


to Bowser about his saga, three years 
to the day after his indictment. 
PLAYBOY: You have a band. Has your 
experience affected the way Sunbears! 
handle things? 

BOWSER: What I did still happens 
every day, For a midlevel band, it can 
help get your name out there if people 
share your music online for free. It 
can get people to your shows, where 
they might buy a CD or a T-shirt. Play- 
ing shows is how you make all your 
money. We put our music online and 
let people pay 
whatever they 
want, the way 
Radiohead did. 
PLAYBOY: Let's 
go back to the 
Case in August 
2005. "The tracks 
appeared online 
the same day you 
sent them to Rob 
Thomas, What 
happened ne 
BOWSER: I was 
working at a 
restaurant, and 
two days later I 
got a call from 
à Nashville area 
code. I walked 
into the back 
room and took 
the call. It was 
an FBI agent out 
of the Nashville 
branch, and he 
said he wanted 
10 ask me ques- 
tions about Ryan Adams & the Cardi- 
nals and about Jacksonville City Nights 
being put up on the Internet. 
PLAYBOY: What went through your 
min 

BOWSER: For probably two min- 
utes I thought it was a prank. I never 
thought in a million years this would 
happen. I didn't think the FBI would. 
care about MP3 sharing, Ryan Adams 
or anything like that. Then I was 
shaking, thinking, Oh no, what have 
I done? I waited until I got off work 
and called him back. He just asked 
me some questions: Did I have a copy 
of Jacksonville City Nights? Did I send 


it to anybody online? At first I denied 
it. At the time I didn’t know that the 
album was digitally watermarked 
and that they had already called the 
reporter from the magazine who origi- 
nally got it, as well as another friend 
of mine. Eventually I let him know I 
had it—but nothing more than that. I 
didn't tell him I sent it to the guy on 
the message board. Then I didn't hear 
anything for six days. Every day that 
went by 1 felt a little better. 

PLAYBOY: You had just turned 20. Did 
you tell anyone, like your parents? 
BOWSER: I did not talk to my parents. I 
didn't talk to anyone except the guy who 
sent me the songs. We were both speech- 
less. Neither of us could sleep. We were 
both like, Oh my God. I felt too scared to 
talk. I was sick to my stomach. I couldn't 
even listen to music without being like, 
Ugh. I had never felt that way in my life. 
PLAYBOY: Did they take your computer 
BOWSER: Yes. On September 6 I was 
getting ready to go up to Atlanta to see 
the band Sigur Rós. I lived with my 
parents at the time. I was in the bath- 
room, brushing my teeth, just about 
to leave, and there was a knock at the 
front door. My mom came back from 
answering it and said, "Jared, why is 
the FBI at the door?" She was kind 
of freaking out. She had that shaky, 
about-to-lose-it, crying voice. They 
said they needed to take my computer 
for evidence and had to make a copy 
of the hard drive. They took my com- 
puter, I ended up going to the show 
in Atlanta, so I wasn't there when they 
came back and returned the computer 
that day, four hours later 

PLAYBOY: Then there were six 
months of silence. Did you think you 
were in the clear? 

BOWSER: Totally. I was stoked. My 
whole family was stoked. My band was 
signed to an indie label in December 
Alter а few months I didn't even think 
about it anymore. Then I got an e-mail 
from a reporter named Ryan Under- 
wood, and he was like, “Hey, I'd really 


Like a lot of other employers, the Recording Industry Associa- 
Чоп of America made huge Job cuts earlier this year. Though the 
group cited the economic downturn as the reason, some may 
view it as the end of the line for the major-label-backed orga- 


nization. Call it a boomerang effect from the disastrous public 
relations engendered by its decisions to sue music fans and try. 
to force Internet service providers to cut off users suspected of 
copyright Infringement. In December the RIAA said it would stop 
Initiating lawsults against users of P2P file-sharing sites, but It 
Is still following through on some cases already In progress. Tens 


like to interview you about the indict- 
ment handed down today." I didn't 
answer it. But I googled my name and 


The source of Bowser's trouble. 


found the press release about the felony 
charge. Reality set in when I saw "United 
States of America v. Jared Chase Bowser" in 
writing. That’s when I thought, I am so 


Ankle monitor he wore during house arrest. 


screwed. The first thing I did was tell 
my dad, "They called back. I've been 
indicted, and I'm up for 11 years of 
prison and a $750,000 fine." 
PLAYBOY: What was it like to be 
booked? 

BOWSER: I had to go to the U.S. 
Marshal's office. They took my mug 


GOOD VIBRATIONS 


shot and fingerprints, and they asked 
me if I was suicidal. I answered no, 
but thoughts like that do enter your 
head when you think you might be 
jailed for 11 years. 

PLAYBOY: The felony charges were 
eventually reduced to a misdemeanor, 
and you pleaded guilty. Why? 
BOWSER: I assumed they wanted 
to reduce the charges because they 
thought they might lose at trial. Once 
it was a misdemeanor, there was no 
jail time. There was still a fine of up to 
$100,000 and, I think, something like 
five years of probation and two years of 
house arrest. So my lawyer said I could 
plead guilty and avoid trial, or we could 
go to trial and maybe win and he would 
make another $25,000. It was too much 
risk. My dad had already spent a ton 
of money, Even though I didn't feel 1 
was guilty, it was basically all I could do. 
It's sad, but it’s all a question of money 
Still, what if my parents couldn't have 
afforded that lawyer up till then? 1 
could easily be in jail right now 
PLAYBOY: Did Ryan Adams benefit 
from this process? 

BOWSER: Not at all. The label and the 
artist nobody saw any money. Dur- 
g the trial, they couldn't figure out 
the monetary loss from what had hap- 
pened; the prosecutor said that when I 
was sentenced. He didn't recommend 
fine to the judge, because they couldn't 
Iculate any monetary loss. 

PLAYBOY: You went to a Ryan Adams 
show last night. How did that go? 
BOWSER: I was always the biggest 
Ryan Adams fan ever. After Г was 
indicted I still drove to Charleston, 
South Carolina to see him play. But 
then I couldn't listen to him at all while 
the case was happening. Last night, 
though, I met the pedal-steel player 
and talked to him for about 45 minutes 
before the show. He said he was glad 
I was free and hadn't been locked up. 
He didn't seem mad about it—he made 
that clear in the first five minutes, and 
he continued to talk to me. 


of thousands of legal proceedings were Initiated during the five 
years the RIAA pursued Individual consumers. Meanwhile, the 
RIAA's vision of turning ISPs Into copyright enforcers Is facing an 
uphill battle as well—at least abroad. In New Zealand a three- 
strikes law that would have forced providers to be copyright en- 
forcers falled to pass. As one blogger put it, 
much of it online, has forced the New Zealand government to ac- 
cept the reality that its people, and not Vivendi Universal, EMI, 
Warner Music and Sony Music, come first 
our government come to the same conclusion at some point? 


Public opinion, 


" The question is, will 


121 


READER RESPONSE 


IN-AND-OUT BURGHERS 
The United States should better 
manage all immigration (“Start Mak- 
ing Sense,” “American Peon,” March) 
to make sure enough jobs are avail- 
able for existing legal residents, taking 
into account the skill and education 
level of immigrants and the condition 
of our economy. Currently we allow 
too many low-skilled legal immigrants 
into the U.S. and fail to stop illegal 
immigration, which further lowers 
wages through oversupply. This c 
ates a situation in which low-skilled 
legal residents cannot earn enough 
money to survive, and hence we cre 
ate more working poor. We cannot 
and should not import poverty. We 
can and should help other countries 
where we can, but the first order of 
business is to protect our citizenry 

both physically and financially 

Carol Johnson 

Columbia, South Carolina 


I realize pravnov is a left-leaning 
magazine, but unlike mainstream 


SHERIFF" 
CHAIN GANG 
WORK 
DETAIL 


Is the problem criminal or economic? 


media, you are usually very fair to 
the other side. However, your articles 
about illegal immigration in the March 
issue are pathetic. It’s not fair to lump 
all anti-illegal immigration Americans 
in with one wack-job cop. Speak with 
my brother who owns a gas station 
next door to a Home Depot and has 
to pay for two full-time security guards 
to keep illegal immigrants from leav- 
ing trash all over his parking lot, uri- 
nating on his building and harassing 
his customers. Speak with those of us 
in border states who have gone to an 
emergency room with a broken arm 
and have had to wait 12 hours behind 
illegal immigrants with a sniffle who 
know they have to be treated and don't 
have to pay. Speak with students who 
don't have proper textbooks because of 


Some readers call these men invaders. 


the drain on the school system by ille- 
gal children who take free educations 
and free lunches but whose parents 
don't pay the taxes that provide these 
services. Speak to construction workers 
who are out of a job because illegals 
work for half of what Americans can. 1 
could go on and on. I understand most 
illegal aliens just want a better life, but 
why should we be expected to provide 
for them and give their children a bet- 
ter life at the expense of ourselves and 
our children? Many Americans hold no 
ill will toward illegals and even sympa- 
thize with their plight, but we are just 
not willing to let them destroy or bank- 
rupt us. We look at things rationally, 
are not “driven by post-9/11 hysteria 
and right-wing talk radio" and should 
not be lumped together with Sheriff 
Joe Arpaio. 


Scott Bash 
Riverside, California 


The fact that Joe Domanick consis- 
tently refers to those illegally enter- 
ing our country as "immigrants" as 
opposed to "invaders" shows what side 
of the fence he's on. Maybe he should 
try living next door to a house full of 
invaders before typing his next article. 
Richard Ryzner 
Burbank, Illinois 


My job took me to local health depart- 
ments around Georgia. They're full of 
Mexicans. All the signs are in Spanish; 
all the employees speak Spanish. I felt 
as if I were in Mexico. I'm tired of pay- 
ing for all their health care while my 
costs continue to go up. I also get tired 
every time I go to an АТМ and it asks 
if I want to use English or Spanish. 1 
look at the camera every time and say, 
“This is America, damn it. English 
The local McDonald's employees are 
all Mexican, as are those at the local 


Chinese restaurant. To me, a reason- 
able and realistic policy on immigra- 
tion is to make Arizona's laws national 
and Arpaio our president 
Don Oliver 
Ellijay, Georgia 


If Sheriff Arpaio is tough on illegal 
aliens, Га hate to see what Playboy 
security would do to infiltrators of the 
Mansion. In fact, I had a dream the 
other night in which throngs of people 
crossed the Mansion's borders. Secu- 
rity was able to seek out, detain and 
kick some of them off the property, 
but there were so many infiltrators, 
many hid out and avoided capture. 
Some people who lived, worked and 
played within the Mansion walls were 
more lenient on the infiltrators than 
security, claiming the poor infiltra- 
tors just wanted a job with Playboy 
Some who were kicked out snuck back 
in because a few within the Mansion 
walls, using Hef's resources, helped 
them survive there. Eventually the 
infiltrators blended in, and some got 
jobs. They even changed the culture 
at the Playboy Mansion: The infil- 
trators included right-wing prudes 
and lefi-wing feminists who banded 
together to start a culture of fully 
clothed women, changing the Man- 
sion forever. That's when I woke up 


таг ча 


AFA) 
Arpaio's methods or nothing? Hardly. 


in a cold sweat from the bad dream. 1 
quickly realized Playboy wouldn't and 
shouldn't stand for that, and similarly, 
Americans shouldn't stand for illegal 
immigration, either. 
J.B. Mann 
Birmingham, Alabama 


E-mall via the web at letters.playboy.com. 
Or write: 680 North Lake Shore Drive, 
Chicago, IL 60611. 


FORUM 


NEWSFRONT 


Sweet Relief 
WASHINGTON, D.c.—In a landmark deci- 
sion applauded by pıavsor, the Obama 
administration reversed the federal 
government's policy toward medical- 
marijuana dispensaries. From now 
on, according to Attorney General Eric 
Holder, the Department of Justice will 
not prosecute dispensaries operating 
legally under state law. This means 
medical-marijuana providers in Califor- 
nia and a dozen other states where they 
are permitted will no longer be caught 
in the legal limbo where they languished 
during the Bush administration, which 
aggressively targeted dispensaries. 
Though the new policy does not change 
federal drug law to recognize the medi- 
cal use of pot, it does represent a major 
practical change. “Whatever questions 
were left,” said Ethan Nadelmann of 
the Drug Policy Alliance, “Holder's com- 
ments clearly represent a change in pol- 
icy out of Washington. He's sending а 
clear message to the DEA." University of 
California law professor Rob MacCoun, 
who specializes in drug policy, said, *We 
may be seeing the end of an era." But he 
cautioned, "No one should assume that 
just because the Obama administration 
is tolerant of medical marijuana it will be 
as tolerant of recreational marijuana." 
Here's hoping this leads to more com- 
prehensive out-and-out legalization. 


Money for Nothing 

NEW YORK Recent reports about the finan- 
cial woes of famed photographer Annie 
Leibovitz (pictured) speculated the source 
of the trouble was inheritance tax owed оп 
the estate of her longtime partner, Susan 
Sontag. As Julia Miranda of After£llen, an 
online community and news site about 
lesbians and bisexuals in the media, re- 
vealed, "Same-sex couples do not have 
the same privileges as straight married 
couples when it comes to inheritance. If 
your partner passes away and leaves her 
estate to you, you 
have to pay up to 50 
percent of the value 
of your inheritance 
in taxes. However, if 
you and your partner 
were recognized as а 
married couple, you 
wouldn't have to pay 
a dime." It now ap- 
pears this was not 


the source of Leibovitz's money prob- 
lems, but it has brought attention to the 
issue. It hits ordinary people, too: Since 
employers pay for health insurance under 
a federal program, gay couples—even in 
states that allow gay marriage—have to 
pay taxes on the value of their spouse's 
coverage because the feds don't recog- 
nize such unions. 


The Good With the Bad 


WASHINGTON, Dc. If you're looking for a silver 
lining in the economic crisis, look no further 
than a few policy shifts being made amid 
pressure to increase tax revenues and re- 
duce spending. In the first category is a 
movement in states with blue laws to re- 
peal restrictions on the sale of alcohol on 
Sunday (Fourteen states have partial —spir- 
its only—or full bans.) “States are seeing 
Sunday sales as a positive way to raise rev- 
enue without raising taxes or cutting valu- 
able programs," says Ben Jenkins of the 
Distilled Spirits Council. "That, along with 


consumer demand, is driving this change." 
Meanwhile, the death penalty is also under 
fire, as states look to trim the costs associ- 
ated with capital punishment. Maryland 
has calculated the total cost of a successful 
death-penalty case (including trial, impris- 
onment, appeals and so forth) to be more 
than $3 million. A case in which the death 
penalty is 
sought un- 
successfully 
costs about 
$1.8 mil- 
lion. Cases 
in which the 
death pen- " 
alty is пог SUNDAY 
sought cost Er 
only $1.1 million, and the resultant prison 
costs are actually lower than those for 
death-row inmates. Maryland governor 
Martin O'Malley says, "We can't afford 
that when there are better and cheaper 
ways to reduce crime." 


PE VINE 


About Rolls: 
ing Stonés 

and What 

They Gather 
Thestonels spherical 
and would, If on a de 
cline, roll And tarais 
KATE MOSS, stück 

It Uke glue. So much | 
tor that proverb. 


"Cause you just stole our heart, LYDIA HEARST. 


nunn 


200 


ANNA FRIEL 
plays Holly in 
Land of the Lost, 
out this month. Its 
ап upgrade for a 
character who was 
12years old on 
the TV show. 
Ifyouwerea 
Sleestak, you 
would be 
totally 
psyched. 


NN 


Funniest topless girl in Britain? It's likely ALEX SIM-WISE, who writes for Front 
magazine and chats up celebrities for "Scene Junkie" on MySpace UK. Soon she'll 
124 be hosting a TV show about sex laws—move to London and you can watch it! 


In her chart-topping single "Just Dance,” LADY GAGA sings, 
"Wish І could shut my PLAYBOY mouth./ How'd I turn my shirt 
inside out?" Whatever could these cryptic lyrios mean? Perhaps 
something about being in PLAYBOY magazine with a top 

that isn't on quite right. Donel 


Our problem 
with Goldfish? 
Pour a bowlful, 
sit down to watch 
the game and 
presto—all gore. 
Solution: Get a big- 
ger bowl. A huge 
bowl. Big enough to 
hold thousands of 
Goldfish and Korean 
model LAURA 
MUMMERT. Yeah, 
that'll work. 


ПОМ 


іс 


SHARON STONE 
may notbe in 
Mensa, as she once 
claimed, but she's 
really smart. After 
all, it takes brains to 


f 4 
fi Mig stealtheshowon 


the red carpet at the 
Oscars when you 
haven't made a de- 
centmovie in more. 
than twoyears. 
Brains, 

very nice 
breasts 

/ anda see- 
through 
dress. 


‘OUR FAVORITE TV GOSS. SORRY, MICHAEL SCOTT. 


‘DOUBLES, ANYONE? 


WELCOME TO THE NEW ERA—BARACK OBAMA CHALLENGED US 
ALL TO CHANGE, AND WE ANSWERED HIS CALL ASA COUNTRY. BUT 
WHERE WILL THAT LEAD IN PRACTICAL TERMS? IN OUR OVER- 
STUFFED DOUBLE ISSUE, WE ASK A DOZEN EXPERTS—AMONG 
THEM T. BOONE PICKENS, LEE IACOCCA AND OLIVIA MUNN-TO 
PREDICT HOW THEIR FIELDS WILL CHANGE IN THE FUTURE. 


RAY BRADBURY'S FAHRENHEIT 451—TIM HAMILTON TAKES THE 
DYSTOPIAN CLASSIC-FIRST PUBLISHED IN THESE PAGES—AND 
REIMAGINES IT AS А SCORCHING GRAPHIC NOVEL. 


MARC ECKO—WE PUT NUDE MODELS AND A CAMERA IN FRONT OF 
THEHIP-HOP-AND-SKATERSTYLE GURU. INSPIRED BY 19805 PINUP 
ARTIST PATRICK NAGEL, ECKO DELIVERS A RED-HOT PICTORIAL. 


‘THE GOURMAND GOES TO ARKANSAS BILL CLINTON'S HOME TOWN 
ОЕ HOT SPRINGS IS ALSO HOME TO MCCLARD'S, THE LE BERNARDIN 
ОЕ BRISKET AND RIBS. TIM MCCUSKER GOES TO BARBECUE BOOT 
CAMP ANDSINGS THE PRAISES OF GOOD OLD AMERICAN CUISINE. 


PLAYBOY PAD—IF YOU THINK JASON POMERANC'S THOMPSON 
HOTELS ARE COOL, WAIT UNTIL YOU SEE HIS NEW YORK LOFT. 


IN THROUGH THE OUTSOURCE—HALFWAY ACROSS THE GLOBE, IN- 
DIAN CALL CENTERS HAVE TO OPERATE DURING AMERICA'S WAK- 
ING HOURS. BUT WORKERS THERE ALSO GET TO ADOPT AMERICA'S 


LIBERAL CUSTOMS WITHOUT THE SCORNFUL LOOKS OF MOST OF 
THETR COUNTRYMEN. CHRISTIAN PARENTI GETS INTO THE SCENE. 


ALEC BALDWIN—30 ROCK'S VICE PRESIDENT OF EAST COAST TELE- 
VISIONAND MICROWAVE-OVEN PROGRAMMING SITS WITH MICHAEL 
FLEMING FOR THE PLAYBOY INTERVIEW AND DISHES ON THE HOR- 
RORS OF DIVORCE, CUSTODY BATTLES AND TMZ'S HARVEY LEVIN. 


CASE OF THE MISSING G-SPOT—CHIP ROWE GOES IN SEARCH OF 
SEX'S PINK ELEPHANT. THAT'S A QUEST WE CAN ALL GET BEHIND. 


KING OF OXICLEAN—BILLY MAYS CAN SELL ANYTHING TO ANY- 
ONE. PART OF THE MAGIC IS THE EXCLUSIVITY OF HIS PRODUCTS, 
WHICH ARE AVAILABLE ONLY THROUGH TELEVISION, THE REST 
IS ALL BILLY. PAT JORDAN MEETS THE BEARDED BARKER TO SEE 
HOW HIS CHARM TRANSLATES BEYOND TV LAND. 


CELL MATES—ONE LAST DARK TALE OF LOVE AND DEPRIVATION 
FROM THE LATE BEST-SELLING AUTHOR ROBERTO BOLARO. 


JUDD APATOW-IN 200 ERIC SPITZNAGEL SETS "ЕМ UP, AND THE 
UNDISPUTED CURRENT KING OF COMEDY KNOCKS 'EM DOWN. 


PLUS: PHOTO FUNNIES, DOPE BEACH FASHION AND A LOOK AT 
PAST SEXY TWINS IN HONOR OF HEF'S KARISSA AND KRISTINA 
SHANNON, MISSES JULY AND AUGUST. 


Playboy (ISSN 0032-1478), June 2009, volume 56, number 6. Published monthly by Playboy in national and regional editions, Playboy, 680 North 
Lake Shore Drive, Chicago, Illinois 60611. Periodicals postage paid at Chicago, Illinois and at additional mailing offices. Canada Post Canadian 


Publications Mail Sales Product Agreement No. 400: 


34. Subscriptions: in the U.S., $29.9 
126 PO. Box 2007, Harlan, Iowa 51537-4007. For subscription-related questions, call 800-999-4438 or e-mail PL Ycustserv@cdsfulfillment.com 


fora year. Postmaster: Send address change to Playboy, 


Ons&Only Palmilla, Mexico 


a rx 
— Іп some places, the drinks stir you. 


BOMBAY б SAPPHIRE, 
sr ae THE SPIRIT OF EXPLORATION 


ENT RF So ocu