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PLAYBOY

ENTERTAINMENT FOR MEN www.playboy.com e NOVEMBER 2013

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VAILABLE AT SEPHORA AND SEPHORA.COM

FROM EXECUTIVE PRODUCERS

| J. J. “ABRAMS
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MON NOV4
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[== very issue of pLaysoy is about indul-
pam gence, but with this one we want to
Mam take it to the next level. Inside you'll
find mountains of caviar, rivers of champagne,
the fastest production car in the world, tips
on how to buy yourself an entire wagyu cow
so you can eat like a shogun and, of course,
the usual celebration of beautiful women and
great journalism. Let's begin with The Bat-
tle for Picasso's Mind, John Meroney's wild
true story of how Cold War CIA operative
Tom Braden launched a plot to combat the
Soviets—using modern art. They don't make
spies like Braden anymore. He left the CIA
and became a star on CNN and a best-selling
author. Frank Owen knows a thing or two
about indulgence. The writer has been report-
ing from the forefront of drug culture since
the 1980s. In Chasing Molly, Owen reveals
surprising truths about today's drug du jour.
Maverick U.S. senator Bernie Sanders sits
for this month's Playboy Interview. The Ver-
mont independent shoots from the hip on the
collapse of the middle class, what's wrong
with Washington and much more. "If you
want to talk about nation building," Sanders
says, "I know a great nation that
needs to be rebuilt. It's called the
United States of America.” Take
a good Look at model Lauren
Young. Recognize her? Young's
painted lips, photographed by
Tony Kelly, grace the cover of
this issue. How hot is that? Author
Laura Gottesdiener's "Ameri-
can Dreams Foreclosed" leads
our Forum section. Since 2007,
Gottesdiener points out, 10 mil-
lion Americans have been forced
from their homes by foreclo-
sure, That's more than the entire
population of Michigan. Who's at
fault? Not who you think. Switch-
ing back to the art world, we're
pleased to publish Wes Is More,
five pages of mind-bending work
from renegade Los Angeles artist Wes Lang.
"I find myself drawing the Playboy Rabbit
Head in my work all the time,” he says. Now
he's drawn the Rabbit Head where it most
belongs—in the pages of this magazine. Next
we turn to our Men column, where Joel
Stein dishes on the American diet. "Stop
Picking On Vegetarians" boldly confronts "the
feminization of vegetarianism.” Who says you \
have to have blood dripping down your chin Wes Lang
to eat like a man? Sean McCusker is defi- қ
пйе not a vegetarian. The owner of the New
Orleans eatery Sylvain serves serious indul-
gence in Decadence for Dinner. McCusker
rounded up three of Los Angeles's finest
chefs and had them do some cooking for
us. The one stipulation? Caviar had to go in
every dish. Feast on this story and its recipes.
Finally, we invited Idris Elba to a boxing gym
so he could swing away in our 20Q. The star
of The Wire, Luther and Mandela admits he's =
tried everything. “I played one of the biggest
drug dealers in the world on TV," he says, “so -
you think Га know what I was talking about.”
Sounds indulgent, all right. Ready for more?
Go ahead—turn the page.

Idris Elba

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VOL. 60, NO. 9-NOVEMBER 2013

PLAYBOY

CONTENTS

INTERVIEW

64: THE BATTLE FOR 82. THE FUCK IT LIST 116 CLUBLAND 59 BERNIE SANDERS
PICASSO'S MIND Only suckers wait for From Ibizato Las Vegas, JONATHAN TASINI
JOHN MERONEY reveals retirementtolive out their we have your VIP pass discusses the issues driving
the strangest CIA mission dreams. We propose 19 to the world’s best the maverick senator, from
of the Cold War: deploying unforgettable—and nightclubs where you can inequality to the perils of
modern artas weaponry. attainable—experiences. annihilate all inhibition. hypercapitalism and
i hypocrisy onthe Hill.
76: WES IS MORE 112 CHASING MOLLY
Artist Wes Lang counts Is it ultra-pure ecstasy for | FICTION | | 200 |
Í PLAYBOY among his chief anew generation of club
1 inspirations. Uncover kids or a deadly scam? 104. ZOMBIE 100: IDRIS ELBA
why in this collection of FRANK OWEN takes us on CHUCK PALAHNIUK ROB TANNENBAUM learns
his new work. aquest to find the truth. how the actor went from
escape from fear and drug lord Stringer Bell to
responsibility is just a Nelson Mandela, juggling
jolt away. rapping, deejaying and

fatherhoodin the process.

COVERSTORY
A pair of staggering scarlet lips, parted
just so—is there anything sexier in the world?
Not to our Rabbit, who clearly understands
the meaning of “smoking hot.”

PHOTO AND COVER PHOTO BY TONY KELLY

PLAYMATE: Gemma Lee Farrell

AMERICAN
DREAMS
FORECLOSED

LAU NER
maps the fallout from the

continuing mortgage crisis.

READER
RESPONSE

Debating the place of
government in the
bedroom and the church;
deconstructing arguments
against atheism.

STOP PICKING ON
VEGETARIANS
Is quinoa too girlie?
STEIN teaches us a thing
or two about the way real
men eat. Hold the meat.

PASSING THE
ZIP CODE TEST

details the realities of
long-distance dating.

OUT OF THE BLUE
This season’s coolest
watches frame the hours
in color. Selected by

THE SMILEY FACE
THAT ATE AMERICA
Can an emoji ever
replace a frown? 7

laments how we
communicate today.

THE NEW 9/11
Cyber warfare is the
biggest terrorist threat
to America. С
assesses our defenses.

DECADENCE FOR
DINNER

5 MCCUSKER teams
up with 2013’s best chefs
to throw a dinner party
with flair, pLaysoy style.

VOL. 60, NO. 9— NOVEMBER 2013

PLAYBOY

CONTENTS

AFTERNOON
DELIGHT

German model Sarah Domke
finds a Grecian pool for a day
of relaxation.

BOHEMIAN
RHAPSODY

Miss November offers a
taste of her wild side in an
alluring paradise.

IMAN RETURNS
Rediscover Peter Beard's
legendary photographs of
Iman, the Somali supermo,

who took the wo»
wata, S Qs
y

WORLD OF
PLAYBOY
The Hefners throw
soireesin London, Pebble
Beach and the Mansion;
Hef and Crystal's
magical day at Disney-
land; Raquel swoons on ¡PARTMENT:
Jimmy Kimmel Live.

PLAYMATE NEWS
Neferteri Shepherd
organizes to help fellow
mothers; Amelia Talon
shows off a revealing

200: idris Elba

PLAYBILL
DEAR PLAYBOY
AFTER HOURS
32. REVIEWS

38. MANTRACK

ensemble; Nicole Dahm 49 PLAYBOY
cuts the ribbon at a wild ADVISOR
new saloon in San Diego. 98: PARTY JOKES
O PLAYBOY ON о PLAYBOY ON © PLAYBOY ON
FACEBOOK TWITTER INSTAGRAM

GET SOCIAL Keep up with all things Playboy at
facebook.com/playboy, twitter.com/playboy
and instagram.com/playboy

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SUBJECT TO PLAYBOY'S UNRESTRICTED RIGHT TO
2015 BY PLAYBOY. ALL RIGHTS

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PLAYBOY

HUGH M. HEFNER
editor-in-chief

JIMMY JELLINEK
editorial director
STEPHEN RANDALL deputy editor
MAC LEWIS art director
LEOPOLD FROEHLICH managing editor
A.J. BAIME, JASON BUHRMESTER executive editors
REBECCA H. BLACK photo director
HUGH GARVEY articles editor

EDITORIAL
JENNIFER RYAN JONES fashion and grooming director STAFF: JARED EVANS assistant managing editor;
GILBERT MACIAS editorial coordinator; CHERIE BRADLEY executive assistant;

‘TYLER TRYKOWSKI editorial assistant CARTOONS: AMANDA WARREN associate cartoon editor
COPY: WINIFRED ORMOND copy chief; BRADLEY LINCOLN senior copy editor; CAT AUER copy editor
RESEARCH: NORA O'DONNELL senior research editor; SHANE MICHAEL SINGH research editor
CONTRIBUTING EDITORS: BRANTLEY BARDIN, MARK BOAL, ROBERT B. DE SALVO, PAULA FROELICH,
KARL TARO GREENFELD, KEN GROSS, GEORGE GURLEY, DAVID HOCHMAN, ARTHUR KRETCHMER (automotive),
SEAN MCCUSKER, CHRISTIAN PARENTI, JAMES В. PETERSEN, ROCKY RAKOVIC, STEPHEN REBELLO, DAVID RENSIN,
CHIP ROWE, DEBORAH SCHOENEMAN, TIMOTHY SCHULTZ, WILL SELF, DAVID SHEFF, ROB MAGNUSON SMITH,

JOEL STEIN, ROB TANNENBAUM, CHRISTOPHER TENNANT.

ART
JUSTIN PAGE Senior art director; ROBERT HARKNESS associate art director; MATT STEIGBIGEL photo researcher;
AARON LUCAS art coordinator; LISA TCHAKMAKIAN senior art administrator; LAUREL LEWIS art assistant

PHOTOGRAPHY
STEPHANIE MORRIS playmate photo editor; BARBARA LEIGH assistant photo editor; PATTY BEAUDET-FRANCES
contributing photography editor; GAVIN BOND, SASHA EISENMAN, TONY KELLY, JOSH RYAN senior contributing
photographers; DAVID BELLEMERE, MICHAEL BERNARD, MICHAEL EDWARDS, ELAYNE LODGE, SATOSHI,
JOSEPH SHIN contributing photographers; ANDREW J. BROZ casting; KEVIN MURPHY director, photo library;
CHRISTIE HARTMANN senior archivist, photo library; KARLA GOTCHER assistant, photo library;
DANIEL FERGUSON manager, prepress and imaging; AMY KASTNER-DROWN senior digital imaging specialist;
OSCAR RODRIGUEZ prepress imaging specialist

PUBLIC RELATIONS
‘THERESA М. HENNESSEY vice president; TERI THOMERSON director

PRODUCTION
LESLEY K. JOHNSON production director; HELEN YEOMAN production services manager

PLAYBOY ENTERPRISES INTERNATIONAL, INC.
SCOTT FLANDERS chief executive officer

PLAYBOY INTEGRATED SALES
JOHN LUMPKIN senior vice president, publisher; MARIE FIRNENO vice president, advertising director;
AMANDA CIVITELLO Senior marketing director

PLAYBOY PRINT OPERATIONS
DAVID с. ISRAEL chief operating officer, president, playboy media;
TOM FLORES senior vice president, business manager, playboy media

ADVERTISING AND MARKETING: AMERICAN MEDIA INC.

DAVID PECKER Chairman and chief executive officer; KEVIN HYSON chief marketing officer;
BRIAN HOAR vice president, associate publisher; HELEN BIANCULLI executive director, direct-response advertising
NEW YORK: PATRICK MICHAEL GREENE luxury director; BRIAN VRABEL entertainment and gaming director;
ADAM WEBB Spirits director; KEVIN FALATKO associate marketing director; ERIN CARSON marketing manager;

NIKI DOLL promotional art director CHICAGO: TIFFANY SPARKS ABBOTT midwest director

LOS ANGELES: LORI KESSLER west coast director; LINDSAY BERG digital sales planner
SAN FRANCISCO: SHAWN O'MEARA h.o.m.e.

THE WORLD HEF SIGHTINGS,
MANSION FROLICS
OF PLAYBOY | очен vores

Follow Cooper Hefner

down the rabbit hole at the
Playboy Club London's Mid-
summer Night's Dream Party.
While attending the affair—
modeled after the Mad
Hatter's tea party—Hefner
spread the gospel: "Playboy
has provided a lifestyle that
goes beyond sex. People
remain fascinated with the
brand and continue to engage
with it on a global Level.”

Playboy and Jaguar
once again kicked
off the California
automotive
exposition Concours
d'Elegance in
August with a
garden-party fete in
Pebble Beach. Many
ofthe enthusiasts
in attendance were
understandably
delighted to see
Playmates Alana
Campos, Raquel
Pomplun and
Brande Roderick
posing alongside

a prowl of shapely
Jaguars.

For a Jimmy Kimmel Live
segment, Guillermo Rodriguez

was supposed to award a Lucky

fan a dream day complete with

the loan of a Jaguar F-Type

and a date at the Playboy

Mansion with PMOY 2013

Raquel Pomplun. But Rodriguez
couldn't help himself and ended

up wooing the girl himself. 11

Stars, jocks and girls п

| A
lingerie turned out for N
the All-Star Celebrity 2 Ex
Kickoff Party at the * ж IL x
Playboy Mansion. The < P celehrig,
pre-ESPY Award I © v ”&
celebration, thrown by ә ? жыға
record label Bear Trap = қ =
Entertainment, drew > Ë

athletes including John
Wall, Hank Baskett and
Von Miller; actors Bai
Ling and Jamie Foxx;
rapper Snoop Lion and,
of course, a bevy of
beautiful Bunnies. The
highlight reel included
DJ Don Cannon's
tribute to recently
retired Super Bowl
champion Ray Lewis
and a silent auction of
sports memorabilia that
benefited the Artists
and Athletes Alliance,
a nonprofit organization
that connects the
entertainment and
political communities.

Crystal Hefner traded
Bunny ears for Mickey
Mouse ears when
Hef took her to
Disneyland on
a double date
with Keith and
Caya Hefner.
"It was a magi-
cal time,” Crystal
said, “spending the
day with my favorite
person at my favorite
place on earth.”

Remember Joel Goodson (played by Tom
Cruise) taking his father's Porsche for a joy-
ride in Risky Business? The carmaker dropped
offa Cayman for a Mansion screening of

the classic 1983 flick. In attendance were
actor Adrian Grenier and Playmates Michelle
McLaughlin and Kara Monaco. Cooper did not
peel off afterward in a purloined Porsche.

Dx. y

MODERN CLASSIC
In your “Playmate Flashback” featur-
ing Miss September 1978 Rosanne Katon
(Playmate News, September), you overlook
one of her best, and campiest, roles: as
April Garland in the 1977 TV movie The
Night They Took Miss Beautiful. 105 about
kidnappers who snatch beauty pageant
contestants as well as the pageant host,
played by Phil Silvers. Rosanne makes it
worth watching.
Wes Pierce
Orlando, Florida

ROADIE RAGE
I work as a stagehand at a stadium.
Recently the Kenny Chesney tour came
to town, along with Eric Church as one
of the opening acts. I lent my copy of
the June issue to a friend who works on
Church’s crew because I thought your
profile of Church (The Badass) and the
music industry in general was brilliant.
Not surprisingly, my magazine left town
with the tour.
Gerry Bakal
Elmwood Park, New Jersey

MISSED OPPORTUNITY
Darn it! I was behind on my reading,
so I missed Pot and Circumstance (April)
until after I arrived home from tramp-
ing around New York City. Had I read it
beforehand, I would have visited Eddie
Huang’s Baohaus Restaurant. Aargh! But
it’s good to know for next time.
Carla Buscaglia
Honolulu, Hawaii

SEAN HANNITY
I cannot believe PLAYBOY, a bastion
of reason when it comes to politics and
morality, would expose its readers to Fox
News host Sean Hannity (Playboy Interview,
July/August).
Rob Duncan
Huntsville, Alabama

I always thought Hannity was just play-
ing a hateful, prejudiced jerk on his show.
After reading your interview, I realize he’s
not playing.

Mike Smith
Oak Lawn, Illinois

Hannity misses the point about global
warming. The issue isn’t celebrities and
their supposed hypocrisy. It’s whether car-
bon dioxide is a pollutant. A car that uses
10 gallons of gasoline a week emits approx-
imately 10,000 pounds of CO, per year. It
should be clear we have a problem.

Paul Farmanian
Glendale, California

Our interview provoked many online com-
ments, such as this at Playboy.com: “The
obsession with race, gender, sexual preference
and the politicization of everything in life is
all from the left—in this case, the interviewer.
Lefties misunderstand conservatives and con-
servatism, which is far more libertarian than
they realize.” At Crooksandliars.com, blogger

A Date With Destiny
Congrats to Josh Ryan for his photos
of Miss September Bryiana Noelle
(Stairway to Heaven). There is some-
thing special about her that I haven’t
seen since Anna Nicole Smith in 1992.
R. Brandt
Geneva, Switzerland

Bryiana Noelle and Miss April Jaslyn
Ome are living proof that July 21,
1991 was a spectacular day in the state
of California. pLaysoy needs to find the
doctors who brought these ladies into
the world and buy them a beer.

Sergio Benitez
Waterford, Michigan

Blue Texan writes, “Hannity is about as main-
stream a right-winger as there is: Climate change
is a ‘crock of shit’ cooked up by socialists, taxes
are at all-time highs, Obama’s bankrupting the
country, the deficit is exploding, Republicans are
the party that reduces deficits, the U.S. is turn-
ing into Cyprus and Greenpeace is preventing
us from drilling for oil. All articles of faith in
today’s GOP—and all objectively false.”

NEGATIVE VIBRATIONS

The only difference between self-help
guru Tony Robbins and a televangelist
is the tax bracket of their marks (Playboy
Interview, September). Each preys on the

Robbins: “I'm the guy who creates breakthroughs.”

insecurities of the masses to sell fleeting
doses of feel-good. Robbins claims people's
deepest problem is their fear that they're
“not enough.” He may be right, but his
incessant name-dropping and overt pride
in his obscenely opulent lifestyle expose
him as a person lacking in self-awareness.
Either that, or he’s a con artist. No amount
of fire walking can cure either affliction.
William E. Brown
Burbank, California

QUITTING TIME
After gagging through Joel Stein’s sad-
sack Men column (“Quit While You’re
Ahead [or Behind],” September), I started
to work myself into a tizzy. How can Stein
extol the virtues of quitting to PLAYBOY's
readership, his fellow men and the public
at large? Cheering on petulant youths and
thinking they're headed for politics is sadly
true yet undeniably cynical. Anyone who
has ever joined a gym knows how easy it
is to slip into apathy. The quitting princi-
ple, like entropy, must be held at bay. At
the other extreme, a few pages later Tony
Robbins projects sunshine and rainbows
out of his ass. Is this delicious juxtaposition
astroke of genius or a happy accident? On
а related note, Miss September Bryiana
Noelle has a body that won't quit.
James Merkle
Hudson, Massachusetts

COVER STORIES
The May issue has what may be your

most beautiful cover ever, and the picto-
rial of Tamara Ecclestone (The Diamond
Heiress) sparkles. The June cover and
the Nude Woman Reclining pictorial are
also amazing. The July/August issue?
Incredible. The photos of Playmate Val
Keil (A Star Is Born) are gorgeous, espe-
cially in black and white, and the shots of
French model Liza in the rain (La Beauté)
are spellbinding. PLAYBOY, like fine wine,
keeps getting better.

Jade Wooten

Columbia, South Carolina

Over the years I have seen thousands of
photos of curvaceous asses, backsides and
rears in your magazine. But your June
cover girl, 2013 Playmate of the Year
Raquel Pomplun, has the best butt ever
displayed on your pages. Well played,
PLAYBOY. Or should I say, well рілувоуеа?

David Horr
Fort Gratiot, Michigan

GUESSNIGHT.COM
@GUESSNIGHT

ON THE SCENE
Your report about servicemen and
women who have been deported
after serving our country is excellent
(Deported Warriors, July/August). It
especially hits home because I am His-
panic and on active duty in the military.
The day after reading it, I was having
a drink with a friend on the patio of
a restaurant near the Mexican border
in Tijuana. I looked over and spotted
the SOS mural that deported veterans
Ruben Robles and Fabiän Rebolledo had
painted on the wall.
Eduardo Maldonado
San Diego, California

AT THE MANSION
Each month, as I flip through the

new issue of PLAYBOY, I appreciate the
many beautiful women. But the photos
in Hangin’ With Hef of your editor-in-
chief bring the biggest smiles to my face.
Keep living the life, Hef. You deserve
all the happiness in the world for every-
thing you have done.

Matthew Pilla

Apex, North Carolina

I was sorry to read about the death of
Hef's longtime executive assistant, Mary
O'Connor (The World of Playboy, May).
She seemed to be a lovely person. When
she appeared on The Girls Next Door you
could tell the girls and Hef felt privi-
leged to know her.

Paul McAlroy
Sheffield, U.K.

FAN LETTERS
I'm a book collector, and your report

on Brewster Kahle's efforts to archive
a copy of every book ever published
(Brewster's Ark, July/August) captured
my attention so much that I considered
talking about PLAYBOY at work. Also, it
was great to learn about the resurgence
of the career of my favorite comic from
the 1980s, Andrew Dice Clay (The Dice-
man Recometh). PLAYBOY offers so much
more than the vapid amusement for frat
boys the other publications crowding
the newsstands provide.

Laura Vona

Randolph, Massachusetts

Keep up the good work over there! I'm
loving every issue.
Matthew Comer
Austin, Texas

When I was growing up, I was always
told rLAvBov was "dirty" and degrading
to women. Last summer I saw the July/
August 2012 issue on sale and thought
it was time to make up my own mind.
I have not missed an issue since. Your
advice and the articles have improved
my relationship with my wife and made
me appreciate women all the more.

Shane Sivertson
Eau Claire, Wisconsin

Thank you for the excellent photogra-
phy in the July/August issue. This is the
type of quality I have come to expect.

Chris Brock
Dallas, Texas

You should let readers vote for the best
issue of the year. So far July/August is my
front-runner.

John Manfredi
North Haven, Connecticut

PLAYBOY has done it again! Splendor in the
Grass (September) is breathtaking.
Andrew Bejarano

Las Cruces, New Mexico

HARD-HITTING NUMBERS

I suspect most SEC fans take issue with
Bruce Feldman's preseason ranking of
Clemson (5) over South Carolina (13) in
Pigskin Preview (September). Predictably,
Feldman chose Alabama at number one.
Beyond that I can only assume he used a
trained chicken. I am obliged to note that

Clemson visits South Carolina on November 30.

South Carolina coach Steve Spurrier has
owned Clemson coach Dabo Swinney for
his entire career.
James Tucker
Anderson, South Carolina
We shall see.

KEEP IT REAL
I participated in a survey your mar-
keting department conducted and
noticed that some of the questions
focused on such monthly staples as the
fiction and Party Jokes, as though their
importance were being deliberated.
Certain aspects of the magazine should
not be messed with—the fiction, jokes,
Advisor, Forum, cartoons (P.C. Vey is a
genius) and the Playboy Interview. Don't
think I'm some old fogey who resists
information-era change. I'm in my early
30s, but I have a deep appreciation for
Hef's artistic vision.
Brian Stephens
Pooler, Georgia

E-mail LETTERS@PLAYBOY.COM or write 9346 CIVIC CENTER DRIVE, BEVERLY HILLS, CALIFORNIA 90210

GUESS2©201

ART DIR: PAUL MARCIANO PH: MIKAEL JANSSON

HE ONES THAT
OT AWAY

back issues, now for sale on

PLAYBOYSTORE.COM

- NOVEMBER -

2013

BECOMING
ATTRACTION

* “I USE COMEDY,
not sexuality,

to dominate,”

says Carly Craig

of HBO's Hello
Ladies. A Second
City alumna, Carly
has mastered
being the beautiful
yet bawdy object
of affection on

TV (Burning
Love) and in film
(Role Models,

Hall Pass). Her
greatest asset,
however, lies
below the surface.
“People see a
pretty girl and
don't expect her
to be funny. But |
can be witty—and
raunchy,” she says.
“It sets me apart.”

Рһо Әгарһу by
MICHAEL BDWARDS/
MEINMYPEACE.COM

TALK |WHAT MATTERS NOW

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thuggish face star- plotline seems that includes hit- Carlsen says. establish its first Vladimir Kram-
ingoutfrom an ad strange, with tingpunching Butthe ancient Anti-Cheating nik'srecord as the
for G-Star Raw Norwegians and bags as much as game is struggling Committee; its world’s youngest
denim, he looks Indians clash- books. “Being fit to keep up with members include number one; he
more like a boxer ing for titles in makes it easier technology's per- Russian grand could now become
than aNorwe- agame Eastern to handle tension ils. Smartphones master Konstan- the first Western
gian chess grand Europeans have and unexpected allow players to tin Landa, who world champion
master. In 2010 he long dominated, turns,” he notes. evaluate strate- called cheating since 1972, when
became the young- welcome to chess He also wel- a “virus” and an Bobby Fischer
esttop-rated in 2013. Аз arising Comes therise of , epidemic. : The defeated Boris
player ever. At 22 technology, which committee's goal Spassky. The |
he is an unlikely allows anyone t is to stop cheating future of chess is
poster child for before it stains arriving, whether
the game; come his e chess as much as thegamehasa
23rd birthday this steroids have hurt strategy or not.
November 30, he baseball. —Noah Davis
could be its king.

This month in
Chennai, India,

GABRIEL MIRZA

| [VISWANATHAN ANAND R
'eland/47 /exposed

“India/43/reigning chess-
world champion.

PHOTOGRAPHY BY 1054

|ATHAN ALLARDYCE; VECTOR ILLUSTRATIONS BY ROBERT HARKNESS

2
š

WHOLE

NEW BALL

GAME

AN ANCIENT SEX

TOY INVADES YOGA,
WITH DELIGHTFUL
RESULTS. OUR WRITER
INVESTIGATES

work at the Pleasure
Chest in New York
City. It’s a great job
because I get paid
to talk about sex all
day. The Sex and
the City episode in

which Charlotte
buys а vibrator was filmed
there. I tell my mom I work ata
cultural landmark.

Thanks to 50 Shades of Grey,
waves of people come in to
inquire about Kegel balls, those
spherical weights women insert
into their vaginas. “It's like а
party in your pants,” my co-
worker says straightforwardly,
as if she were comparing the
nuances of khakis at J. Crew.
"I'm wearing mine right now."

Apparently we should all be
wearing them. According to
research, they’re a godsend:
They strengthen your pelvic-
floor muscles, keep everything
tight down there and give you
stronger orgasms.

Kegel balls—or, traditionally,
ben-wa balls—have for centuries
also been popular among
practitioners of tantra, yoga and
meditation. Since practicing yoga
already helps strengthen the
pelvic floor, introducing weights
gives your yoga workout a boost.
For modern yoga enthusiasts

looking to push their limits,
practicing with Kegel balls is the
next logical step and a seemingly
sensible combination of two
ancient Eastern inventions. Soin
the spirit of dangerous curiosity,
I decide to test my nether
strength where few (or many
well-practiced) women have
before: vinyasa yoga class.

RISING INTO АМ
L-SHAPED HANDSTAND,
I PULSE MY MUSCLES,
TRYING TO ROCK THE
BALLS BACK AND
FORTH. SUDDENLY I
FEEL SOMETHING.

Thestakes are high in
vinyasa yoga: You have to
focus, maintain flow and
keep whatever's inside you
safely inside as you try not to
orgasm, cough or collapse, all
while projecting the illusion of
serenity and control. You also
haveto know how to do vinyasa
yoga. I pick my favorite color of
Fun Factory Smartballs—the
safest option, with a manageable

weight and a silicone cord—and
assure my co-workers I'll be fine.

“Have you done yoga before?"
my instructor asks as I burst
into the dim studio. “Of course,”
Isay. I’m late because I forgot
my most important accessories
and had to run home and shove
them in. I join the class in a
sloppy chaturanga, then push up
into downward dog position and
breathe. I think I feel the balls
shift, but I’m not sure. My pre-
cautionary supertight thong is
already giving me a wedgie.

As the minutes ooze by it
becomes clear I have the flex-
ibility of iron patio furniture.
Sweat rolls off my forehead and
onto the mat. But all the while,
nary arumble. Pussy of steel, I
think triumphantly. Rising into
an L-shaped handstand, I pulse
my muscles, trying to rock the
balls back and forth.

Suddenly I feel something
push up against my clit, and
Ilose my balance. I freeze on
the floor, nervously eyeing the
edge of my spandex leggings.
Nothing pops free. I realize my
precautionary supertight thong
has twined the Smartballs’ cord
directly against my on button.

Ipark myself safely in virasana
and clench, counting the seconds
until namaste.—Mila Jaroniec

Danny
Brown

* “In the end I'm just a dirty old man,”
Danny Brown sneers on his new album,
Old. But beneath the frizzled hair and
missing teeth, there’s more to Brown than
that. The Detroit rapper delivers riffs
about kinky sex and downing Adderall
against a backdrop of Motor City life. His
talent for laying his squeaky voice over
off-kilter beats hasled him outside the
boundaries of mainstream hip-hop, a
world where releasing an album on a cell
phone is considered bold experimentation.
Brown's hip-hop is loaded and over the
edge.—Tyler Trykowski

waiting for everyone
to go to bed so |
could write. If I didn't
get that album out,

| wasn't gonna eat,
you know? Old is the
first project I've had
time to make.

Q: You're known for
your fashion sense.
What are you into
stylewise right now?

A: Fly shit that's

release since
Оп. How do you

concentrate on one
album for two years?

А: It's patience.
That comes with
experience. I'm 32.
Younger rappers
make five mixtapes
in three years,

but a lot of them
rap for the wrong
reasons. Rappers are
born. You can't tell
yourself you wanna
be a rapper. When |

die, this is all I'll have.

My money, girls—it’ll
all be gone. | need to
do the best | can. It's
my time capsule.

Q: How have things
changed since you

released Hot Soup

in 2008?

A: My back was
against the wall
when | made Hot
Soup. | was living in
my grandma's attic
with my mom, my
sister and her kids,

comfortable. |

got this Givenchy
sweatshirt; the
hoodie has the
bottom half cut off.

It was $1,000. It's
dirty, but I'll put it on.
Stains, burn marks,
whatever, | get my
money out of it

Q: After you
mentioned on

YouTube how sexy

you think she is, Kathy

Griffin had you on

her talk show. Is your

verdict still фе same? —

A: She's іп әре for |

her age, That's 4
hot to me теп 1

are like wil etter

with time. ve ita
test-drive.

DEGREES OF
FERMENTATION

More celebs than ever are in the business
of making booze. Our somewhat scientific
breakdown of how they're all connected

Ghostface
Killah

Danny DeVito
* Also has a role
in When in Rome.
Peddles Danny
DeVito's premium
limoncello.

*
A Danny DeVito stars in The Rainmaker, directed
by winemaker Francis Ford Coppola.
^ ж

Vampire.

Antonio Banderas

* Hawks Anta Banderas
wine. Purrs as Puss in
Boots in Shrek the Third
with Justin Timberlake.

Ф-

+ Jolie and Banderas * Pitt and Banderas
make sweet simulated nearly smooch in
love in Original Sin Interview With the

Sean Combs

+ Appears on an episode
of It's Always Sunny in

Philadelphia with DeVito.
Serves as brand ambassador
for Ciroc vodka

* George Clooney has a cameo
in Spy Kids with Banderas
Co-founded Casamigos Tequila

7 with club king Rande Gerber. .........--

ия: > ©...

Justin Timberlake e Willis

* Slings 901 Tequila. and Pitt

Barks with Bruce Willis havea

in Alpha Dog. nice chat
Y in Twelve

Bruce Willis

* Part owner of Sobieski
vodka. Faces the zombie
apocalypse in P/anet
Terror with Fergie.

Monkeys.

Апде!їпа
Jolie and
Brad Pitt
* Launched
Miraval Provence
rose in 2013.

* The Wu-Tang rapper
has a chili beer named
after him, released in
201. Makes a cameo in
2010's When in Rome.

* Coppola produced
The Good Shepherd,
which stars
Angelina Jolie.

* Clooney appears

with Pitt in the
Ocean's trilogy,

Burn After Reading
and Confessions of
a Dangerous Mind.

Fergie

* Makes Ferguson
Crest wine. Baby
daddy Josh Duhamel
stars in When in Rome.

POLYNESIA

)WER DOW

* French Polynesia,
aset of spectacu-
lar islands in the
South Pacific,

is considered а
mystical paradise—
unattainable
except for the
intrepid, unafford-
able except for the
honeymooning. But
it’s not entirely out
of reach. Air Tahiti
Nui can get you
from Los Angeles

PERFECTED

| INT

to the main island
(1) in eight hours.
From there, boats
and puddle jump-
ers take you to 118
islands encircled
by coral gardens,
pristine lagoons,
swooning palm
trees and boat cool-
ers filled with beer.
Round up a group
of friends and head
to Ninamu (2), an
all-inclusive six-

3:
B

bungalow resort on
the remote Tikehau
atoll. Some 200
miles from Tahiti,
it operates entirely
off the grid. It’s
luxuriously rustic,
epitomizing the
minimalist Polyne-
sian attitude that
comes from having
maximum natural
resources. Case

in point: А nearby
island farm pro-
vides all the vege-
tables, meat, honey
and vanilla. Some
activities deep-
sea fishing, scuba
diving) are loosely
organized; others
(paddleboarding,
kite surfing) can
happen on a whim
from the secluded
beach (3).

Vibe and terrain
change from one
island to the next,
so it’s worth island
hopping. Until the
Brando—a luxury
eco-resort on
Marlon's private

island—opens later
this year, Bora
Bora will suffice.
Sofitel Bora Bora is
ona small private

island with over- ы
water bungalows
and views of Mount inthelemon-shark-
Otemanu. patrolled waters.
Lagoon Service Once you come
Bora Boraruns down from the
asmall fleet of adrenaline rush,
outriggers whose shuttle to Bora Bora
captains double Yacht Club, atikibar
as ukulele players. decorated with flags
They know where from past cruisers.
the stingrays are Around of Hinano
and encourage you beers (4) is in order,
to jump overboard and ѕоіѕа cheese-
fora better view of burger in paradise.
everything lurking —Jeralyn Gerba

> Tattoo is a Tahitian
word, and the ancient
practice—using a boar-
tusk comb to puncture
the skin and insert
pigment—is alive and
well in French Polynesia
Tahitian-born James
Samuela of Moorea
Tattoo is the guy to go
to for the real deal.

THEOUTRIGGER

> Canoe racing
is the local sport
of choice, and
competitions
run year round.
Spectators
follow in party
boats, place
bets and
barbecue.

(A)

THEPASS

The coral
island atolls
have flume-
like openings

where the
lagoon meets
the ocean.
The strong
current makes
for great drift
snorkeling.

THEPICNIC
Dinghies
are rigged as
dining tables
in the water so
you can wade
while drinking
beer and eating
pineapple and
poisson cru—a
tropical take on
ceviche.

VECTOR ILLUSTRATIONS BY ROBERT HARKNESS

| PURO

100% PURO
SDE AGAVE.

¡NUESTRO TEQUILA

HECHO EN MEXICO

DRINK RESPONSIBLY.
DISTILLED IN MEXICO. HORNITOSO TEQUILA, 40% ALC./VOL.
©2013 SAUZA TEQUILA IMPORT COMPANY, DEERFIELD, IL 60015

FOOD

THE HOT CHICK

A RENEGADE SOUTHERN CHEF GIVES CHICKE
AND WAFFLES A SPICY REBOOT

* Chef Edward Lee cooks for the 21st century South-
ern gentleman. At Lee’srestaurant 610 Magnoliain
Louisville, Kentucky, crab cakes are spiked with green-
tomato kimchi and okra gets the Japanese tempura
treatment. This mash-up mentality is perhaps best
expressed in an already mashed-up dish of epic deli-
ciousness: fried chicken and waffles. Lee first poaches
the poultry in a Filipino vinegar and soy adobo broth to
boost the flavor of the bird. For more smart Southern
food, check out Lee's cookbook, Smoke & Pickles.

ADOBO FRIED
CHICKEN

ڪڪ
BROTH‏

2% cups white
vinegar

1% cups water

М сир soy sauce
1% tsp. whole black
peppercorns

1 tsp. salt

1tsp. sugar

% tsp. red pepper
flakes

3 garlic cloves,
chopped

+ 4 bay leaves

CHICKEN

* 2 lbs. chicken thighs,
drumsticks, wings

* 2 cups buttermilk

* 1 cup flour

* 1tbsp. salt

* 1 tsp. paprika

* %4 tsp. freshly ground
black pepper

* 8 cups peanut oil, for
frying

DIRECTIONS

— To make adobo
broth: Combine
ingredients in large
pot, bring to a simmer
over medium heat,
then turn heat to low.
Poach chicken pieces
for 15 minutes, turning
halfway through. To fry
chicken: Pour butter-
milk into one bowl; mix
flour, salt, paprika and
pepper in another. Dip
poached chicken pieces
in buttermilk, dredge in
flour mixture and trans-
fer to a plate. Heat oil to
365 degrees in a deep
cast-iron skillet. Fry
chicken in batches until
internal temperature
reaches 165 degrees,
about eight to 10 min-
utes. Salt chicken while
hot. Serve with dipping
sauce and your favorite
homemade waffles.

GET SAUCY

* То make the spicy
dipping sauce, mix
one quarter cup water
with three table-
spoons fresh lemon

juice, two tablespoons

maple syrup, two
tablespoons fish
sauce, one tablespoon
soy sauce and two
thinly sliced habanero
or Thai bird peppers.

FRY DADDY

How to make supercrispy chicken
— Edward Lee's top tip for frying is the
“quarter rule”: To keep the oil a constant
350 degrees, never cover more than
опе quarter of the pan with the food
you're frying. Check the temperature
with a deep-fry thermometer.

EDWARD LEE

RECIPE ADAPTED FROM SMOKE & PICKLES BY EDWARD LEE (ARTISAN
BOOKS), COPYRIGHT ©2013. ILLUSTRATION BY ROBERT HARKNESS

Photography by GRANT CORNETT

Audrina
Patridge
for Curve

Available at select fine drug stores and mass retailers nationwide

$5 off
ІІ |

Any Mens or Women's
Curve fragrance purchase
Reg. $20.00 or more
(gift sets excluded)

OFFER VALID FOR ONE-TIME USE
Sunday, September 1 — Monday, June 30, 2014
IN STORE ONLY. ONE COUPON PER CUSTOMER.

DRINK

PORT

* Let the wine snobs debate
which wine pairs best with
ameal (Thanksgiving or
otherwise); bring dinner to
aclose with a perfectly bal-
anced bottle of port. The for-
tified wine from Portugal’s
Douro Valley is the thinking
man’s after-dinner drink:
complex enough to inspire
talk of its pleasures, sweet
yet strong enough to wrap
up the meal with a kick.
Whether it’s a fresh ruby, a
nutty tawny, a bold vintage or
an exotic white port, be sure
to serve it slightly chilled to
let the flavors bloom as you
sip.—Heather John

1:
Ruby

— Тһе freshest-
tasting and
youngest of
ports, with bright
fruit flavors. Sip
straight or use in
cocktails in place
of aperitifs such
as Campari and
sweet vermouth.

White

— Port made = =

from white Vintage Tawny

grapes (as op- > Incredibly — Tawny ports
posed to red) is complex vintage аге aged in oak
another category ports are made for at least seven
entirely and fromasingle vin- years and oxidize
makes for an tage and aged in in the cask; they
ideal aperitif. oak for two years show nutty, cara-
Try Ramos Pinto before aging in mel character-
Branco Reserva. the bottle for 10 istics. Dow's is

to 40 years. outstanding

THE SIPPING NEWS

($20): An intense and velvety ruby port with black-cherry fruit notes.
An elegant tawny van notes ofl ‘burnt caramel, dried ‚арг 1-
соїз апа spice. G 5 Res
vintage: with ripe fruit and chocolate flavor:

Matured in wood for up to six

КӨРИ!
(OLHETI, years, Mia mellow andi smooth wine is ready to drink earlier than a regular vintage port.

1983
NED IN w Photography by JOSEPH SHIN

Жж
—
PO
E
сос,
DO ee XE
ee

.
A

.
DO OO

J |

eee...
NE O

2:4-419.9 4 e s ә 616 ө өлө ө ә 6 e

Photography by JOSEPH SHIN

HARD
CASE

DITCH THAT
MURSE. THE
HARD-SIDED
BRIEFCASE IS
BACK IN ACTION

* Just because
other guys tote
their filesand
laptops in saggy
man purses doesn't
mean you have to.
The old-school yet
updated attaché
caseis alive and
well—and ready
to protect your
gear with its
hardshell exterior
and combination
lock. Bonus: No
shoulder strap
means по
wrinkled suit.

Black Out
— The lightweight
polycarbonate on
this stealthy case
is scratch- and
impact-resistant.
Rimowa Limbo
attache, $630

5
E

Bold Gold
— This 1980s icon is
still going strong. A
Silver version of this
case had a cameo in
Quantum of Solace
with Daniel Craig.
Zero Halliburton
classic framed
attaché, $385

Gun Show
— Gunmetal
aluminum and
a special laptop
compartment
make а case for
this attaché.
Samsonite
Delegate attaché,
$90

PROP STYLING BY KIM WONG

SKECHERS.

2
0
0
<
2
2
14
<
2

EJ STYLE

THE
POWER .
HOODIE

THE SWEATSHIRT GOES UPSCALE;
THAT IS, IF YOU WEAR IT RIGHT

The hoodie is the ultimate in form and
function: It’s crazy comfortable, it covers
your head when you want it to, and the zipper
is the sartorial equivalent of a thermostat
(up for warm, down for cool). And now it's a
status symbol worn by tech moguls, directors
and members of the creative class who have
graduated from dressing to impress. Here are
our favorite top-of-the-line hoodies.

HIPPER ZIPPERS

Blue Velvet

— The fabric in this
navy blue cotton
sweatshirt has
been overdyed to
produce a subtle
iridescent effect
Black diagonal
pockets add flair.

Cashmere Friday

— The contrasting
zipper, lining and
elbow patches
give this hoodie a
rakish appeal. The
cashmere blend
makes it soft as hell.

Leather Seeker

British dandy
culture meets
American swagger
in this handsome
hoodie that
features a leather
zipper pull and
purple lining.

Photography by JOSEPH SHIN

Bright Idea

— Who says a

hoodie has to be
low-key? Michael
Kors goes boldly
graphic with this

yellow hoodie with

black sleeves.

* Why does George
Clooney look so cool
in this picture? Well,
beyond being George
Clooney, he actu-

ally has a very studied
ensemble going.

(1) Tortoiseshell
sunglasses ensure you
won't look like a coach.
(2) Awell-groomed
head of hair keeps you
out of pajama territory.
(3) Atrim-fitting
hoodie ina classic color
like gray always works.

2
m
m
[Г
D
-d

19 28

For more looks styled with Brylcreem,
check out the Fall Style Guide on Playboy.com.

BRILLIANTLY CLASSIC

=
Wap)

-
-

MOVIE OF THEMONTH

THE WOLF OF
WALL STREET

By Stephen Rebello

* In Martin Scorsese's latest dive into the murky,
deceptively seductive underworld of the mor-
ally bankrupt, Leonardo DiCaprio plays real-life
con artist and $50-million-a-year stockbroker
Jordan Belfort. In the 1990s, Belfort partied like
arock star and ripped off investors to the tune of

DVD OF THE MONTH

TEASE
FRAME

Jena Sims

— Beauty queen

By Bryan Reesman

THE HOBBIT:
AN UNEXPECTED
JOURNEY

EXTENDED EDITION

$200 million before crashing, burning and getting
indicted; he served only 22 months of a four-year
prison term. Terence Winter’s screenplay, adapted
from Belfort’s memoir, is a thieves’ den of juicy
roles for co-stars Matthew McConaughey, Jean
Dujardin, Kyle Chandler and Jonah Hill. Hill has
called his skeevy character “probably the best role
ТИ play in any movie, ever. Leonardo DiCaprio and
Iare partners in a crooked Wall Street firm and
best friends. I basically play the worst person on
the planet.” Winter has said, “If you think the mid-
1990s were corrupt, hold that up to what's going on
now or what’s been going on since then.”

edy Last Vegas.

Jena Sims’s * While we anticipate
first fleshy role Smaug's fiery swath
масе ар of destruction this
Roger Corman- 5 ч
produced Attack Christmas—nothing
of the 50 Foot screams holiday cheer
Cheerleader like dragon's breath—the
а new cut of the first of
Robert De Niro three planned Hobbit
and other acting movies adds 13 minutes
heavyweights in of elongated scenes and
the Sin City com- nearly nine hours of

bonus features. Peter

Jackson's return to and Galadriel (Cate
Middle-earth is notas Blanchett), as well as a
earthshaking as his soulful new Bilbo Baggins
Lord of the Rings trilogy, (Martin Freeman). The
but the J.R.R. Tolkien extended edition is avail-
adapter extraordinaire able on Blu-ray 3-D and
stilloffers quirky charm, in exclusive Amazon sets
dazzling imagery, packaged with collect-
Dwarvencomicreliefand ible statues. Best extra:
familiar faces including The Appendices, an
Gandalf (Ian McKellen), exhaustive look inside the
Elrond (Hugo Weaving) creation of the film. ¥¥¥

JOHNNY
KNOXVILLE

MR. JACKASS RETURNS
AS A SENIOR PRANKSTER
IN JACKASS PRESENTS:
BAD GRANDPA

Q: Your character,
Irving, goes ona
road trip with his
grandson in Bad
Grandpa. What have
you learned about
80-somethings?

А: Eighty-six-year-
olds can get away
with murder. One
day three people
helped me bury
what they thought
was a dead body.
Another two guys
helped me put the
“deceased” ina
car trunk so we
could take it ona
road trip.

О: What bit got the
most head-slapping
reaction?

А: We sent Irving
to an all-male strip
club where he could
catch the women in
the audience, in his
words, “while they're
soggy" and "hotter
than whorehouse
gravy." He's
helpfully passing
out that wisdom to
all the young lions
out there.

О: Should actors
who want to be
noticed share the
screen with kids?

А: | was hoping
Jackson Nicoll, who
plays my eight-year-
old grandson, would

upstage me, and

he did. He had so
much fun screwing
with people, but
he's sweet and
vulnerable in the
scripted scenes.
He's fearless.—S.R.

2 CHAINZ

Ву Rob Tannenbaum

On your new
album, В.О.А.7.5.
11: Me Time, you
have a song called
“Netflix,” with the
lyrics “Let's make
a sex tape and
put it on Netflix.”
If you made a

sex tape, who
would you want
as your partner?

A: Damn, | hate
to say this, but

I think Iggy
Azalea's dope.
A lot of names
popped into my
head; that's the
scary part. Maybe
if you say some
names, | can just
tell you yea

or nay.

О: What about
Nicki Minaj?

A: Yeah, I'd do
that. [/aughs] |
want to put out
a sex tape in the
next five to 10
years and reap
all the benefits
in case | spend
my hard-earned
rap money doing
boneheaded
activities.

@: You have a lot
of songs about
sex and weed. If
you had to give
up one for a year,
which would

it be?

\: Probably weed.

Q: Why?

A: Because I’m
a man. [/aughs]
How about that
answer?

ALMOST
HUMAN

By Josef Adalian

* The compelling new drama from
executive producer J.J. Abrams
imagines aworld about 30 years

WEB SHOW WRAP-UP

hence in which flesh-and-blood
cops patrol the streets alongside =

android partners. The focusis

onone particularly troubled

officer (Karl Urban, pictured)

who finds himself working next
toa “synthetic” (Michael Ealy)
with a programming glitch: It’s

too human—it's even capable of
emotions. We've seen this dynamic

before, from Get Smart to Star

Trek: The Next Generation. But in
aworld where our phones talk back
to us, the whole idea of robocops no

longer feels like fantasy. YYY

By Jason Buhrmester

Lost in all of Batman's
face punching is the
fact that he's adamn
good detective. Batman:
Arkham Origins (360,
PC, PS3, Wii-U) beefs
up the Dark Knight’s
crime-scene skills with
aredesigned detective
mode players will need to
gather and analyze clues.
Don’t worry; the critically

BATMAN: ARKHAM ORIGINS

acclaimed series hasn't
gone all CSI. The focus is
still on dishing out justice
as the Bat destroys enemy
crews in wild brawls—
which benefit from some
of the best combat controls
in gaming—or takes

them down one by one
with Batarangs, smoke
bombs and new gadgets
such as the remote claw.

Gotham is under attack

by Penguin, Black Mask,
Bane, Joker and other
legendary villains, so stick
to the shadows and move

quietly. УУУУ

Being a man that demands respect is an art form that requires discipline and attention to detail. Lessons learned from
the 1940s serve а man well to this day—always have an alibi, mind your own business, and keep your mouth shut. This
is key to surviving the epic battle between the police department and a dangerous mobster, which inflames the city in
TNT's eagerly anticipated television event from acclaimed filmmaker Frank Darabont, Mob City.

M e B G I T Y NEW SERIES WEDNESDAY DECEMBER 4, 10/9

Put A Lid On It

If you want to look like Bugsy Siegel (played by Ed Burns),
get a fedora. When wearing it, be sure to cock it slightly
to the side; otherwise, you risk looking like a fed.

hough Him Up -
No Scuffs

A well-polished man requires a well-polished shoe.

The proper tools are essential to getting unsightly marks,
like blood, off a nice pair of wingtips. A quality tin of
wax-based polish, welt brush, polishing cloth and
horsehair buffing brush are musts.

The Ultimate Getaway

Cars know no morality. Sometimes their owners don't either. An ideal
status symbol for gangsters, cars are also the ticket for when a crime
is complete and the two choices are getting away, or going away.

If Looks Could Kill

On any night at the Clover Club there are plenty of people to look at, but the
one who commands attention is the man wearing a crisp suit, single-breasted

preferred, with a beautiful woman on his arm. ©)
TM & © 2013 Turner Entertainment Networks, Inc. A Time Warner Company. All Rights Reserved,

êr Entertajamés

13 Tum

™

SIGNIFICA, INSIGNIFICA, STATS AND FACTS

* Weight of the Mother- Stiff Raise

ship, the stage-prop UFO * Employees who
used by otherworldly have sex four
funk group Parliament or more times
Funkadelic. The ship was a week earn 596
acquired by the Smithso-
nian's National Museum
of African American
History and Culture.

more than those

=
=
°
о
°
=

POUNDS

* According to a yearlong study
at the Johns Hopkins Hospital in 9

Baltimore, the five alcoholic
beverages most likely to land you
in the emergency room are:

Kernelof Truth

* Movie theater [9

popcorn is more 1,300% N
expensive per

ounce than filet

mignon. Estimated

Steel markup:

Budweiser

iPaws101 © 43
Colt 45 * The School —
% for the Бо © 32
in New York

offers classes

that teach
و‎ == Bit ice man's best

friend to use

an iPad. Start- Kidding Around

ing price: $50 * A survey found that women
са == Bud Light for a one-hour finally “grow ир” when they

clinic. turn 32; men grow up at 43.

Sweet Science

* According toa
study by Dr. Alan
Hirsch, founder of
the Smell & Taste

Treatment and Re-

9145 MILE”

search Foundation, Rainbow Rocky Vanilla Chocolate | Pralinesand : Mint choco-

your favorite ice sherbet road OB RE RE EEE cream late chip

cream flavor can mos — РЕА impulsive dramatic and МЕЕ: occ nacti: am

betray a lot about pessimistic good listener idealist flirtatious loving and argumen- * Price of the
your personality: supportive tative Claude Monet

painting L'Enfant
ala Tasse in the

m recently launched
"ú One-Way Ticket Amazon Art
B | ¿More than 165,000 - section, which
people applied to % % features 40,000

found а союпу оп works by Andy

Mars, for a mission * Amount of Warhol, Norman
that would leave meteoric material Rockwell, Salva-
Earth in 2022 and that falls to Earth dor Dali, Damien
never return. each day. Hirst and others.

STATE OF THE Largeststates:
UNITS Т ен шы ы

3. New York
* According to 4. Indiana
Condomania, a supplier 5. Arizona
of multisized condoms,
the U.S. cities with the Smallest states:
largest goods are: 1. Wyoming
2. Utah
NEW ORLEANS 3.lowa
4. Alaska

WASHINGTON, D.C. 5. West Virginia

SAN DIEGO
NEW YORK

PHOENIX

PYP

x MANTRACK

LIGHTNING

A RENEGADE AIMS TO UNLEASH THE
WORLD'S FASTEST PRODUCTION CAR

* Wecan imagine
the conversation
now: “Yes, officer,
we were doing 276
miles an hour.” It
could happen. SSC,
astart-up founded
in Washington state
in 1999 by engineer
Jerod Shelby (no
relation to Carroll
Shelby), is in the
final testing phase
of anew car named

after areptile—the
Tuatara. The goal:
unseat the Bugatti
Veyron (268 mph)
as the world’s fast-
est production car.
“We're estimat-
ing 276 mph with a
9,200 rpm redline,”
says chief admin-
istrative officer
Alan Leverett. “We
think it’s going to be
fast.” We believe it.

JEROD SHELBY
SSC North America
= The man behind
the 258 mph SSC
Ultimate Aero

and now the new
Tuatara

THE 200 MPH CLUB

Because every man should be
able to triple the interstate speed
limit. Buckle up for safety!

SSC held the Guin-
ness record from
2007 to 2010 with
its previous model,
the Ultimate Aero,
which hit 258 mph.
The Tuatara—

set to launch next
summer—is pow-
ered by a mid-
mounted 1,350 hp

V8, with a seven-
speed transmission
and triple-disc
carbon clutch.

Got the $1.3 mil-
lion? Get in line.
The company will
make about 48
cars а year, and
the first eight have

Engine: 423.6-cubic-inch V8
* Horsepower: 1,350

Zero to 60 mph: 2.5 seconds
Dry weight: 2,750 Ibs.

* Top speed: 276 mph (est.)

Tag: $1.3 million

already sold.

FORD MUSTANG
SHELBY GT500

200 mph
$54,800

BENTLEY
FLYING SPUR

200 mph
$200,500

ТНЕ

SECRETS
ОЕ А CAR

SALESMAN

AN ANONYMOUS 18-YEAR VETERAN ON WHAT
THE GUY ON THE SHOWROOM FLOOR DOESN'T

WANT YOU TO KNOW

* Inthe car business, everyone is
lying—including the customers.
Whether you're buying new, buy-
ingusedorleasing, you haveto know
what you're doing or you'll proba-
bly get screwed. On buyinganew
car: It's easy to get a good price on
anew car. First, narrow down what
you want, then gothrough the inter-
net pricingprocess. Get
quotes from three deal-

carthat, say, got stuck in
a flood. On leasing: For
someone who wants a new
carevery three years, leas-
ing makes total sense—if
you lease the right car.
Leasing, you're unlikely
to hold on to the car long
enough for the warranty to
runout. However,

never lease a car
erships. A dealer will Never with a residual
tell you anything to get a car with a value of less than
you into the store, so residual value 58 percent. What
verify the lowest price Of less than 58 doesthatmean?A
inwriting. Just because percent. The car with a 58 per-
a salesman tells you dealer has to cent residual value
over the phone a car is disclose this will be worth 58
in stock doesn’t mean percent of its origi-
it really is, so head to number, so nal price afterthree
the lot. Now, why buy look for it in years. Ifthe residual
а new саг? Some folks the contract. valueisless, youcan

just like that new-car
feeling. The problemis, when you
buy a new car, you're overpaying.
On buying a used car: Once you
know what you want, wait until used
cars are onthe market and save alot
of money. Say you want a Jeep Over-
land. You'd spend about $45,000 on
it new, but you can get the same car
with only 5,000 miles on it for thou-
sands of dollars less. Those miles
have no effect on the car; it’s still get-
ting broken in. The best place to buy
aused car is usually a dealership,
not aused-car lot. Make sure to see
the Carfax report so you know what
you're getting into. You don't want a

MCLAREN P1

217 mph
$1.15 million

probably save money

by buying rather than leasing
(you can still trade it in after
three years). The dealer has to
disclose this number, so look for

it in the contract. On money: А
lot of people end up in cars they
can't afford. It's a mistake that
can really bite you. You have to
realize that when you own а саг,
you're paying not only for the car
but also for the insurance, main-
tenance, repairs, fuel, clean-
ing and possibly storage. So that
$600 monthly payment is closer
to $1,000. Choose your car wisely.
Then enjoy the hell out of it.

LAMBORGHINI
AVENTADOR
217 mph
$441,600

LAFERRARI

217 mph
51.7 million

INTERVIEW

DARIO FRANCHITTI

Take a spin with the three-time
Indy 500 winner

©: Growing up
in Scotland, you
started winning
motor races at
ап age when
most kids are
still watching
cartoons, What's
your all-time
hairiest moment
on the track?

A: The most
afraid I've ever
been ina car was
in 2007 in Michi-
gan, when | got
up in the air at
the superspeed-
way. The car was
about 30 feet off
the ground and
spinning around.
We were doing
about 215 miles
an hour. After-
ward, | thought |
was lucky to get
away with it. That
was definitely a
moment when

1 thought, This
might be it.

@: Can you take
us on а tour of
your garage?

A: Cars are my
weakness. | tend
to collect cars
that thrilled

me as a child,
with particular
emphasis on
Porsche and Fer-
rari. The coolest
piece of machin-
ery in there now
would be a toss-
up between the
Ferrari F40, the
Porsche Carrera

$2.5 million

BUGATTI VEYRON
GRAND SPORT
VITESSE

GT and my 1999
Reynard IndyCar,
which produces
about 1,000
horsepower. That
said, my every-
day drive is an
Acura in the U.S.
and a Mercedes
in Scotland.

Q: What's the

best càr movie
ever made?

A: At the top of
my list would
have to be Le
Mans, Grand Prix,
The Cannonball
Run, Smokey and
the Bandit and of
course the ani-
mated IndyCar
movie Turbo.

Q: The Indy
500 is one of
the hardest
races on earth
to win. What's it
like to see that
checkered flag
waving?

А: Гуе been
fortunate enough
to win that great
race three times.
It's the beginning
of a whirlwind
tour that takes
along time to
settle in, when
you realize what
you've accom-
plished. That
feeling you get
when you see
your teammates,
friends and fami-
ly in Victory Lane
is indescribable.

255 mph

x MANTRACK

3»

4»

GOING <

DOWN NTC

v
STEP AWAY FROM THE SKI LODGE E е |
AND ONTO THE SLOPES | 4
* We could make the case that skiing, not $ fh. ә sm
golf, isthe ultimate gentlemen's pastime, “al
even if the gentlemen never leave the lodge. B

Luckily, it’s easier than ever to hitthe

slopes thanks to new beginner-friendly
technology. To get started, pick out a ski that
stands just taller than your chin and Ваза
“waist” (the middle of the ski) in the 70- to
'76-millimeter range. This mix of stability í
and turn radius will keep you upright ona 1
variety of conditions until you're ready to sit

down for another hot toddy.—Wil O'Neal

| mmm
—s Ñ (
ө ө % 8
Pole Position Powder Tool ) =.
> Rossignol Jib > A telescopic Ç талл
Pro ($70 rossignol carbon shaft and ”
com) uses light- interchangeable | rn
weight aluminum 85-millimeter bas- j
construction and ket make Rossig- У
strong grips to nol's Freeride pole р
keep you in control ($120, rossignol | д
оп {һе slopes and сот) the tool for |
in the half-pipe any condition Т! |
n

Get Free Big Country
> Vélkl’s One > Rossignol's |
freeride skis ($649, Super 7s ($850, |
volkl.com) feature rossignol.com) |
а full-rocker design come long and |
that converts wide for the back- |
energy into action country, while the
Charge hard оп centered sidecut š
these skis for the makes them great |
full experience. all-mountain skis. |

GET GEARED UP

Head Case > Boot Up Goggle It

— Trees and speed E — A custom boot — The Apex 339

don't mix, so wear a Шаһ, fitter uses heat x 2 by Liquid Image
helmet. The Edit is m / includes a built-in
Giro's lightest and о HD camera torre-
includes a GoPro сога your runs. Edit
camera mount. “ š се а \ out {һе bails later.

liquidimageco.com

Photography by JOSEPH SHIN

PLAYBOY INTERVIEWS

ААА AN iid OWN

Since 1962, Playboy has published
the greatest interviews in history.
Now you can buy 50 of the most

(in)famous exclusively at Amazon.com—
99 cents each. Read them today on your
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MUTO SE

3% MANTRACK

HIGHER
FIDELITY

CAST OUT YOUR EARBUDS AND
INDULGE IN SPEAKERS CAPABLE OF
SHAKING HEAVEN AND EARTH

* Earbuds can't do justice to
the intricacies of Kid A. It's a
question of scale: When you
listen with headphones, tiny
vibrations are set loose on
your tiny eardrums. Crank
up areal amp attached to a
pair of well-tuned open-air
two-channel speakers and
the music vibrates the whole
room and you in it. We'd go
so far as to call it a massage
for the soul. Here are four
speakers that deliver
impeccable sound. Listen
up.—Scott Alexander

Shelf Life

> А solid high-end stereo
setup delivers a large
soundstage and killer
dynamics. HSU Research's
horn-loaded HB-1 MK2
($400 a pair, hsuresearch
.com) packs all that into

а bookshelf-size speaker
that rocks in atwo-
channel setup orasthe
start of a surround system.

Bulletproof Sound

Knockout Punch

— Bowers & Wilkins’s
M10 ($4,000 a pair,
bowers-wilkins.com)

is armed with a re-
engineered tweeter for
high frequencies, along
with one mid-range
driver and three bass
drivers made of Kevlar
for low-end sounds at
air-strike levels.

— The Mistral Bow-A2
($2,299 a pair, napa
acoustic.com) is а
60-pound monster loaded
with two four-inch mid-
range drivers, a 10-inch
side-mounted woofer and
an outboard supertweeter.
Frequency response from
30 Hz to 45 kHz makes this
a heavyweight champ.

Solid Gold

Newcomer GoldenEar
has already built a
golden reputation
among audiophiles for
its amazing sound. The
Triton Seven ($1,400

a pair, goldenear.com)
uses passive radiators
(instead of powered
subwoofers) to pack a
mean bass punch.

Photography by JOSEPH SHIN

= NS
Y

PLAYBOY'S

Greatest Covers

DAMON BROWN Foreword by PAMELA ANDERSON

GREATEST COVERS

"ЕБЕЖЕФЕ PLAYBOY YEY

For nearly 60 years,
Playboy Magazine
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first time, there is a
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Featuring hundreds

of color photographs
and behind-the-scenes
outtakes from cover
shoots.

Foreword by Pamela Anderson, text
by Damon Brown. Sterling Publishing.

310 pages, $35.00, $42.00 in Canada
Go to amazon.com to order.

STOP PICKING ON

VEGETARIAN

L MEN EAT KALE. DEAL WITH 2

E N Wi
| get why vegetarianism used to Бе unmanly. No опе likes the

Neanderthal who says, “It’s partly health, partly ethical. Look,

I don’t want to be the cave scold. You have your fun hunting
woolly mammoths. I'll stay here and gather with the ladies.”

But now that supermarkets rotisserie cook our factory-farmed
chickens, there’s not even the danger of cutting a finger with a
kitchen knife. The most dangerous meat eating most of us do
is when we venture outside our hotel in Mexico. Yet a guy who
orders a big bowl of kale and quinoa still seems like the kind
of guy who would tell your wife you slept with a hooker at the
bachelor party. Meanwhile, a guy who finishes 20 chicken wings
is a man’s man. Which is ridiculous, since the way you have to
eat those tiny wings makes you look like you're at a tea party.

I eat meat. But I’m also a total wimp. If it were easy to eat
more vegetarian meals, I gladly would. The only reason I ever
cook beef or chicken is because I cave to my wife and son’s
demands. I agree to meet people at hamburger joints because
I don’t want to be pushy and suggest a different place. I once
got chicken added to my Caesar salad only because my waitress
was attractive and I have no training in saying no to anything
a hot woman offers. I take the turkey sandwich offered at the
meeting because I'm too lazy to get my own food later. I tend to
just eat what's around. When I do eat meat it’s usually because,
ironically, I’m an anti-hunter.

Vegetarianism is a form of self-control. It's the tough
asceticism of Steve Jobs, who treated fish as an occasional
indulgence. A two-year-old can down a soft, fatty cheeseburger,
but to get through fermented tofu you have to be pretty
tough. If manliness is Tough Muddering under barbed wire,
Shackletoning across Antarctic ice and John Wayning away pain
through gritted teeth, then it’s also eating
your vegetables. To put it even more simply,
there is nothing remotely feminine about
how your farts smell after you eat broccoli.

Yet American manliness is irrationally defined by sloppy self-
indulgence. It’s Henry VIII waving a turkey leg and having
other people kill his wives. It's John Candy eating а 96-ounce
steak in The Great Outdoors and then having to goofily apologize
that his gluttony made his son miss his date with a hot chick.
It's wrapping stuff in bacon and posting Facebook pictures
showing how you wrapped it in bacon.

The feminization of vegetarianism continues because we let
women control how it’s presented. You can’t eat a 96-ounce
bowl of curried lentils while watching 100 screens of all the
NFL games and choosing between 40 drafts on tap. No, you
need to go to places like Café Gratitude, where you have to
get items with names such as I Am Fulfilled (salad) and I Am
Connected (hummus). I’m simply trying to order corn tacos,
and I Am Embarrassed. The names of vegetarian dishes are
always put in nonthreatening scare quotes, like “crab cakes,”
or they're cute puns, like “tofurkey” or “Fakin’ Bacon.” It’s
like you’re having dinner with Hello Kitty. I wish more people
would simply point out that beer is essentially vegan.

=== avin
==!)

There are some attempts to make vegetables bold, like
the blooming onion and the jalapeño popper. But we need
menus with five-alarm carrots and portobello mushroom
jerky. Pancakes, thanks to their stackability, have marketed
themselves well. But most manly vegetarian marketing plans
are like the one for Powerful Yogurt, which has а bull’s head
logo and ads that brag about its 20 grams of protein that will
give you better abs. This is brogurt that comes in blueberry
acai, brags about being gluten-free and is way too focused on
making me look at men with great abs.

Men aren't helping either. Male vegetarians never ride
around blasting Gwar from Hummers outfitted with gun
racks (for skeet shooting). They always have ponytails and
girlfriends who boss them around, and they listen to Phish. A
study done at the University of British Columbia found that
even vegetarian women find vegetarian men less masculine.

We have great masculine vegetarian role models, but
we need to highlight them more. Mike
Tyson is a vegan, unless you count the
occasional human ear. Manly vegetarians
have included Woody Harrelson, UFC
lightweight Mac Danzig, Heisman trophy winner Ricky
Williams, former NBA star John Salley and India, a country so
tough, Pakistan is afraid of it despite all the musicals it makes.

Russell Brand, a vegan, has undoubtedly had sex with one
of the women in this issue. Rip Esselstyn, who is a firefighter,
triathlete and owner of the most manly name in the world,
got his firehouse to go on his vegan Engine 2 Diet, despite the
fact that his firehouse is in Texas. Former UFC fighter Luke
Cummo isa vegan who drinks his own urine, which is the second
manliest drink after grappa. There's a whole group of badass
power vegans: Bill Clinton, Steve Wynn, Mort Zuckerman,
Russell Simmons and Biz Stone. Hitler was a vegetarian, and
though he had plenty of foibles, he certainly was manly.

So whenever I’m in a manly situation, which is basically
never, I’m going to order something vegetarian. As my chin
drips with the blood of pomegranate seeds, I will tell my poker
buddies, hockey fans or Rush concertgoers that I sustain
myself with the earthy toil of farmers. Unless there are some
hot chicks nearby. I don't want them to think I'm а wimp. №

PHOTOGRAPHY AND FOOD STYLING BY TASTEBUDS

Ш ы al

PLAYMATES, COINS AND SLOT MACHINES,
TAKE A STEP INTO THE PLAYBOY CASINO

apps.facebook.com/playboycasino

PASSING THE

UP CODE

DBK

RELATIONSHIPS CAN WEATHER MANY
HARDSHIPS. COMMUTING IS NOT ONE OF THEM

W hen I was traveling in India I was
tempted to buy everything I saw be-
cause it was so cheap and I was in a
really thin phase. My friend Jessica did
her best to stop me from going nuts at a
particularly alluring bazaar in Udaipur.
Her motto: “Make sure it passes the zip
code test.”

Like shopping, dating outside your
zip code should be done with caution. If
asari, or a girlfriend, wouldn't look right
at home, you probably shouldn't com-
mit. When you're trying something—or
someone—on for size, you have to envi-
sion what it or she will feel like on your
couch, at a party with your friends, at
dinner with your parents. That's why it's
usually best to shop close to home.

Ispent my junior year ofcollege "study-
ing" abroad in Sydney. That meant I took
classes in photography and Buddhism,
jogged on beautiful beaches and dated an
Australian guy named Andrew. I wanted
to stay in Sydney with him forever. My
parents talked me out of it, largely by
threatening to cut me off if I didn't catch
a flight home.

Andrew and I continued to date long
distance when I got back to college at
Cornell. This was pre-Skype, and I ran
up an insane phone bill even though I
could never keep track of the time dif-
ference. Still, we excitedly planned his
visit. I couldn't wait for him to meet my
friends and family.

Of course, it didn't go as planned. My
parents were freaked out that he was
10 years older than I was and lived on
the other side of the world. My friends
thought he was kind ofan asshole because,
well, he kind of was. I remember walking
with him through campus and feeling as
if I was hosting an alien. It wasn't just that
his jeans were weird or that he couldn't
handle the cold. It was that I suddenly felt
we had nothing genuine in common now
that he was in my zip code.

When Andrew and I were in Sydney,
we treasured every moment together,
all too aware of the clock loudly ticking

ILLUSTRATION BY RICHARD MIA

es 5 z

in our ears. Our relationship was dra-
matic and destined for failure. It was
exciting—until the reality of the vast dis-
tance between us set in.

Sure, some people end up happily mar-
ried to foreigners. More often it doesn't
work out. Happy people are usually in
rational matches with people who have
similar upbringings and values. Some-
times we date the opposite of that because
we're not ready for the real thing.

I have two friends who recently got
divorced from foreigners because their
mates ended up feeling isolated living
far from home. At first their exoticness
was sexy, but it became a liability, par-
ticularly when children got involved.

Dating someone who lives in a different
city, much less a different country, is rarely

== BY DEBORAH SCHOENEMAN ==

sustainable. Much of your time is spent
acting as if you're on vacation, because you
usually are, meeting somewhere for a fun
trip, when everyone is on their best behav-
ior. Real relationships don’t usually come
with maid service. They often involve lap-
tops in bed and brunch with parents.

A New Yorker friend of mine recently
broke up with a guy who lives in England.
Although they love each other, neither
was willing to move to the other’s turf.
It's hard for adults to leave behind the
life they’ve been leading Юг decades—
unless they have no life, and why would
you want to date that person? When they
were still together, I watched this poor
Brit get stuck grilling at a barbecue while
his girlfriend had fun. Only a polite tour-
ist would make that mistake.

Another friend shacked up at the
Chateau Marmont with her foreign boy-

friend when he visited her in Los Ange-
les, even though she owns a home there.
She thought it would be fun and sexy,
and it was—until he returned home and
stopped returning her calls. The physical
distance between them is too vast for her
to figure out what went wrong.

Even a local commute can sap the fun
out of a new relationship. A friend of
mine recently started dating a divorced
guy with two kids. “It’s not the kids who
are the problem,” she said. “It’s that he
lives in Venice.” She was referring to
the Westside of L.A., about a 45-minute
drive from her house in the Valley when
there’s no traffic, which is almost never.
She’s making it work, but it’s not ideal.
It helps that their offices are in the same
area—if you're not walking in on them
when they're making out on а couch.

When I first moved to L.A. I also lived
in Venice. I loved the cool beach commu-
nity and was convinced I'd never date
a guy who lived anywhere else. Despite
my intention, I ended up seriously dat-
ing someone on the wrong side of town.
I was always in traffic, wearing the wrong
shoes. Forgetting my computer charger
at home would kill a day. Six months later
I moved in with him. I realized I couldn't
juggle a commute and a boyfriend.

Around that time I got a call from
Andrew the Australian. He was going to
Las Vegas for a big event and invited me
to meet him there. I said I had a boy-
friend, and Andrew insisted we both
come meet him. We could take in a show
and a fancy dinner!

I doubt he really thought it would
happen. The fantasy was fun while it
lasted, though, just like our romance
abroad. And just like the black and eod
sari that lives in my closet.

PROMOTION

On Thursday, August 22nd, the Playboy
Mansion opened its gates for an iconic
evening of cocktails, dinner, tours and a
very special viewing of Risky Business.
Playboy and Porsche invited an intimate
group of cultural icons to celebrate their
independent spirits and pay tribute to
Porsche's influence in cinematic history.

The special affair, hosted by Playboy

and Cooper Hefner, began as guests
got acquainted with the all-new 2014
Porsche Cayman vehicles that adorned
the perfectly manicured Mansion grounds
before gathering for an intimate sunset
dinner followed by a screening in the home
of one of America’s greatest cinephiles

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А; а single man who lives
alone, I appreciate Deborah
Schoeneman’s Women column
in September (“You Are Where
You Live”). My place defi-
nitely has a bachelor-pad vibe,
including the latest PLAYBOY on
the nightstand. I worry poten-
tial girlfriends will take one
look and run. Should I hide
the PLAvBov before bringing а
date home, or should I see how
open-minded she is?—P.R.,
Richmond, Kentucky

We wouldn't hide your PLAYBOY,
but we would remove everything
from your nightstand as part of
a general de-slobification prior to
hosting a female visitor. Put the
magazine in your magazine rack. If
a date freaks out because you read
PLAYBOY, there's a good chance you'll
have other deal-breaker disagree-
ments as well.

In September a reader wrote
about his negative reaction
when a friend he thought was
heterosexual drunkenly propo-
sitioned him for gay sex. Гт
straight but adventurous. If
there’s enough verbal com-
munication with a male friend
and I know where I stand, I
leave it at that. But one friend
didn’t talk much and seemed so
mysterious that I found myself
intrigued. One night, after
too many beers, I told him if
he wanted to go further, I was
okay with it. I thought if some-
thing happened it would at least
confirm whether I’m bisexual.
Instead, my friend was deeply
offended. He went off about
how he could no longer trust
me. Had he been a friend as he
claimed to be, he would have
tried to understand what was
going on in my head.—B.R.,
Lucerne, Switzerland

You're expecting too much. He
was a friend, not your shrink.

хе been married for 10 years
but have always had lovers. I’m
seeing several women, includ-
ing a 22-year-old who lets me
do anything. I crave sex, but
how do I know if Гм a sex
addict? I love my wife and we have a
great sex life, but I can’t stop pursuing
other women.—T.M., Valdosta, Georgia

The more sex you have, the more sex you
want. That’s true of everyone. You’re not a
sex addict; that’s a cop-out—and a diagnosis
that didn’t exist until someone invented it.
As the comedian Gregg Rogell has observed,
Tiger Woods claimed to be addicted to sex
because he had sex with lots of models. “If
he was having sex with a dead chicken, Га
say, Wow, that guy is addicted to sex.’” In

ADVI

PLAYBOY
SOR

your case, you love adulterous sex because
it’s exciting and available. The risk is that,
assuming your wife is majestically oblivious,
you are handing the reins of your marriage to
а 22-year-old. You're not a chimpanzee. You
can say no. If you decide to continue, at least
inform your wife so she can decide if she’s
wasting her time.

My wife feels the need to belittle me
around my friends. My friends have told
me it makes them feel uncomfortable, so

How do I ask a woman to try bondage? I don’t want to
come across as a potential rapist or pervert. I usually
use police handcuffs.—M.H., Grand Rapids, Michigan

Tying someone up, or being tied up, requires a great deal
of trust, and it may take a while for a relationship to get
there. Unless you met at a bondage convention, don't pull
out any implements until you discuss outside the bedroom
your kinky desires, and hers. If she’s agreeable, offer your
own wrists first, though don’t use keyed cuffs. Instead, start
with quick-release cuffs (i.e., ones that unlock with a latch),
preferably lined in fur. They're easy to find online. Agree on
а safe word to end the game should there be any discomfort,
physical or otherwise. If she’s reluctant, play without cuffs:
Have her hold part of the bed or the back of a chair while
you play her body like a fiddle. Sex-trick mistress Laura Corn
suggests having the woman place her palms on a dresser and
then positioning a nickel on the back of each hand. Tell her
if one falls while you have your way, she will be “punished.”

I don’t spend time with them if
she's around. What can I do?—
С.]., Pasadena, California

Your wife sounds angry. She may
resent the relationship you have
with these friends, perhaps because
it seems more open and comfort-
able than the marriage. She may
also think they find her unworthy
of you. Her defensive instinct is to
take a dominant "fuck you" posi-
tion, which requires diminishing
you. The conflict can't be resolved,
as you've probably discovered, by
telling her to knock it off. (She
may not be aware she does it.) We
recommend getting a third party
involved. It's possible this verbal
abuse is a sign the relationship is
dead or dying, but if it happens
only in these limited circumstances
we remain hopeful.

When is it okay to remove your
coat and tie at a wedding? I usu-
ally keep them on until after the
first few songs and formal dances
have wrapped up, but I would
appreciate your thoughts.—
G.A., Omaha, Nebraska

We always loosen our tie 10 sec-
onds after we walk into the reception
but don't remove it until the adults
have left. The coat can come off
once you find a chair. It’s a party.

Bartenders in bayou country
pour the liquor first before add-
ing ice. I was taught to pack the
ice first. Which is correct?—
C.R., Houma, Louisiana

We've never seen what you
describe, but they do a lot of things
differently in the bayou. The ice
goes first to avoid splashing when
you drop in the cubes. The liquor
is second because il has to be mea-
sured. The mixer is third because,
depending on the glass, you'll need
varying amounts to top it off.

l ойеп travel to New York on
business. Two years ago I was
introduced to the assistant of
one of my clients. On a scale of
one to 10, she'sa 12. I thought
I had no chance, but she started
moving into my hotel room
whenever I came to town. On
the second night of my most
recent trip, she was quiet during dinner.
When I asked what was wrong, she burst
into tears and told me she had stopped
taking her birth control about six weeks
earlier. She said she was getting older
and wanted a child. When I said, "Why
didn't you ask me?" she replied, “1 know
you aren't in love with me, and I was
afraid you would say no." She's right on
both counts. Here's the kicker: She tells
me she's bisexual and wants to raise a
child with her female lover. She said I

PLAYBOY

would not be responsible, that we could
sign a contract. What should I do?—
H.M., Chicago, Illinois

Hire a lawyer. You may be able to give up
your parental rights, though there's no guar-
antee you will be forever free of financial
obligations. In Kansas, for example, the state
sued a man for child support three years after
he donated sperm in a plastic cup to a les-
bian couple who had advertised on Craigslist.
Although they had a written agreement that
he would have no responsibility for the child,
the women later requested financial support
from the state, which went after the guy to
chip in. This happens because judges decide
these cases based on what is best for the child,
not the parents, regardless of the details of
how the child was conceived.

My salesman at Brooks Brothers says
it’s okay to wear cuff links with a sports
coat as long as you don’t wear a white
shirt. My old-school instinct tells me they
shouldn’t mix because cuff links are too
formal. However, in modern times, is it
acceptable as long as the styles match?
For example, I wouldn't wear black cuff
links with a white shirt and a sports coat,
but a pink shirt with a checked summer
sports coat might work. What does the
Advisor say?—K.G., Chicago, Illinois

The rule is like with like: Formal cuff links
go with formal dress, and casual cuff links
go with casual dress.

My husband takes Viagra to treat his
erectile dysfunction, so our sex life is no
longer spontaneous. I also want sex more
than he does. He still watches porn daily
but claims it does nothing for him. Does
he think I'm stupid? Every magazine he
reads is a men's magazine, and he con-
stantly checks out other women. I know
I'm attractive, but my self-esteem around
him is shot to hell. I no longer let him see
me naked because I'm not perfect like the
women in the magazines. Ат I being too
sensitive?—D.R., Alameda, California

Even if his erections were at 100 percent,
your husband would still watch porn and check
out other women, because his libido is intact.
(ED can be an early sign of heart problems, so
he should not take it lightly or consider Viagra
a cure.) It isn't that you don't turn him on,
but like any man, he's a sucker for variety. He
recognizes the women in movies and magazines
are fantasies, and believe it or not, he's not
comparing you with them. Men are not devoid
of that intimate emotional attachment scientists
call "love," and none of those women is his
wife. He's especially not comparing you when
you hide in the dark. Come into the light! Tell
your husband you’re unhappy with your sex
life, regardless of the ED issue, and that you
need him to take charge. There are any number
of ways to get a woman off besides an erec-
tion, which can be unreliable even with men
who aren’t struggling with ED. A vibrator is a
wonderful place to start.

Нар! I keep my cigars in а humidor
and always use distilled water. Lately

I have noticed small pinholes on the
undersides of my cigars. This has hap-
pened in all six drawers. Should I have
been rotating the cigars? Have I kept
them too long? Some are 14 months
old.—K.L., Miami, Florida

You have visitors. Cigar beetles are two or
three millimeters long and live six weeks —in
this case, they lived well dining on your stock.
The good news is you can likely save most of
your cigars. Put them in sealed plastic bags,
squeezing out all the air you can. Place the
bags in the freezer for a few days, then the
refrigerator for a day and another cool place
for an additional day. In the meantime, thor-
oughly clean your humidor (you will likely
find tobacco dust) and move it away from sun-
light. In the future, carefully inspect any cigar
you introduce for telltale pinholes and strive to
keep the humidor at a consistent temperature
just slightly below 70 degrees. Except for the
damage they do to your cigars, cigar beetles
are harmless, and you have likely smoked a
few without realizing it.

During a girls’ night out, a friend said
she had an orgasm during the birth
of her last child. Could that actually
happen?—R.T., Reno, Nevada

Sure, why not? In a study published ear-
lier this year, 109 French midwives who
had assisted with a total of 206,000 births
reported more than 1,500 cases in which the
mother said she'd felt orgasmic sensations or
appeared to experience pleasure during the
birth. In addition, nine mothers confirmed
they'd had an orgasm during birth. It hap-
pens frequently enough that one educator
produced a documentary, Orgasmic Birth:
The Best-Kept Secret. Earlier research has
found that women have higher pain tolerance
when they stimulate their vagina or clitoris,
which extends well into the body. It’s not sur-
prising that a baby moving along the birth
canal and pressing against the area known
as the G-spot might lessen the mother’s pain.
Two parts of the brain are active during both
orgasm and pain, which reflects the close
relationship of the responses. It seems to us a
climax is the least nature could provide for a
woman during childbirth.

| know a man should pay for a woman’s
meal when they’re on a date, but am I
expected to pay when I’m out with a
woman who is a friend or family mem-
ber? Should I pay for my male friends
and family as well? As it stands, I pay for
everyone. If a companion offers to foot

I discovered this when I was home alone
and found a pack of my mother’s ciga-
rettes. I decided to try one, and as soon
as I put it between my lips I had a tre-
mendous urge to masturbate. My wife
knows of my fetish and encourages me
to incorporate it into our sex life. Why
do I have this fetish? I’m not a smoker,
nor is my wife.—T.H., Tulsa, Oklahoma

Who can explain it? A traditional psycho-
logical analysis would be that your mind at
13 was like wet clay, and in that moment
the combination of rebellion (stealing and
smoking) and arousal left an impression that
hardened. The practical question is whether
you can become aroused by other means. If
not, you have a true fetish—and for most
people, a problem. You are fortunate to have
an understanding spouse. What's her thing?

During a massage at a large, legitimate
salon, the therapist got adventurous
while working on my upper thighs. I
know you’ve repeatedly advised never to
ask for a happy ending, but the thought
crept into my brain. While I was lying
on my back the towel covering my mid-
section slipped to the side, exposing my
erection. The therapist did not adjust
the towel, which made me harder. I took
a chance and nudged her hand toward
my throbbing groin. She whispered, "I
can't touch you. It's illegal." However,
she took my hand and squirted massage
oil in my palm. Clearly, it was okay for
me to take care of myself while she con-
tinued the massage, which I did. Could
her actions be considered illegal? —D.L.,
Indianapolis, Indiana

If aiding and abetting masturbation were a
crime, it'd be illegal to sell lotion and tissues.
Besides, you're the one who chose to use your
erection to wipe the oil off your hand.

Ive come into possession of a 1946
Elgin pocket watch. My brother tells
me pocket watches are worn only with
a vest. I feel it can be attached to a belt
loop and slipped into a pants pocket.
Can you settle this debate?—M.D.,
Shawnee, Kansas

A pocket watch should be worn with a vest
if you're wearing a vest. Otherwise, it's okay to
attach it to a loop. Your pants should not be so
tight you have to yank it out. The watch also
should be in the pocket opposite your dominant
hand. That allows you to check the time while
writing it down, which looks cool even if the
watch has stopped.

his or her own bill, should I accept?
S.M., Hershey, Pennsylvania

When someone offers to split the bill, it is
not impolite to accept. It's also okay to ask,
"Why don't we split this?" or suggest they take
care of the tip or drinks. A date implies an
invitation. If you invite a friend or family
member to share a meal, it's generous of you
to pay the bill. But your friends and family
should step up with any other arrangement.

Since 1 was 13 I have been aroused by
placing an unlit cigarette in my mouth.

All reasonable questions—from fashion,
food and drink, stereos and sports cars to
dating dilemmas, taste and etiquette—will be
personally answered if the writer includes a
self-addressed, stamped envelope. The most
interesting, pertinent questions will be presented
in these pages. Write the Playboy Advisor, 9346
Civic Center Drive, Beverly Hills, California
90210, or e-mail advisor@playboy.com. For
updates, follow @playboyadvisor on Twitter.

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Y TASCHEN

ËIFORUMB

Foreclosures Emoticons Cyber warfare

AMERICAN DREAMS
FORECLOSED

Over the past six years, millions of Americans have
been kicked out of their homes

BY LAURA GOTTESDIENER

recently found myself in a skirmish
with a radio host interviewing me
about foreclosures. “You’re saying
these families are evicted—at gun-
point?” she asked.
Six years after the hous-
ing market’s implosion, it
should have been impossi-
ble to say anything shocking
about this topic. Yet the
realities of the crisis remain
far from understood.
Since 2007 more than
10 million people have
been forced from their
homes through bank-pursued foreclo-
sures. Ten million people: That’s more
than 30 times the number of forty-niners
who went to California in pursuit of gold.
It’s four times larger than the crowd that
fled the Dust Bowl in the 1930s. It’s
larger than the Great Migration—the

The crisis
continues to
reverberate

nationwide.

epic 55-year march of African Americans
out of the Jim Crow South. For a contem-
porary comparison, 10 million is more
than the entire population of Michigan.
And when we imagine
everyone in Michigan
leaving their homes at the
same time, it becomes easy
to understand how that
would never happen with-
out the threat—direct or
indirect—of a loaded gun.

Thirteen-year-old
Jimmya Biggs remembers
her family’s eviction from
a rental building on Chicago's West Side.
It was early on a weekend morning, and
she was playing with Barbie dolls in the
living room with her seven-year-old sis-
ter when she heard running footsteps
on the stairs, followed by pounding fists
and the heavy thud of a battering ram.

ILLUSTRATIONS BY JUSTIN PAGE

READER
RESPONSE

WAR ON SEX

The Republican Party appears
ready to go to any length to push
its beliefs about birth control,
abortion and sexual practices
(“The War on Sex,” September).
It's hard to believe Virginia’s
attorney general could pursue a
felony sodomy charge against a
man for having oral sex with a

ма

READER.
RESPONSE

woman when the act isn't even
illegal. Can someone tell me why
in the land of the free some pol-
iticians find it so important to
press their thumbs on voters’
private lives? Are they religious
fanatics? With so many peo-

ple having sex early in life, you
would think we would want to
make them aware of the con-
sequences of unprotected sex.
Because many parents aren't will-
ing to talk to their children about
the topic, formal sex education
becomes even more important.
Instead kids are left in the dark.
I would rather my children be
informed and protected. We've
had our problems with abor-
tion fanatics up here, but our

FORUM

READER RESPONSE

politicians don't fight tooth and
nail to stop people from protect-
ing themselves.
Mike McGillivray
Toronto, Ontario

T've been a subscriber for two
years and was about to mail in my
renewal when I received the Sep-
tember issue. After reading “The
War on Sex,” I decided not to
renew. It is not the government's
responsibility to provide birth
control, especially at taxpayer
expense, and having a late-term
abortion is sick. As President
Reagan said, “I've noticed that
everyone who is for abortion has
already been born.” Your article is

She peered out the window. Nearly half
a dozen police cars were parked below
with their lights flashing. Seven officers
armed with guns and blinding flash-
lights entered the house. Jimmya and
her sister flew into the bathroom to get
dressed. Her mother and older sister
began to grab clothes and haul them
into the family's minivan.
A female police officer
reminded Jimmya and
her younger sister to put
on coats and shoes since
it was winter. Her three-
year-old brother woke up,
and her mother began to
coax everyone into the car. With every-
one squeezed together, the five-person
family and their belongings just fit in the
old minivan—which was lucky, because
the vehicle became Jimmya's home for
almost two years.

Jimmya eventually moved out of the
car when her mother decided enough was
enough. With the help of a housing activ-
ist in Chicago, Jimmya's mother took over
a vacant Deutsche Bank-owned house on

Nine

million jobs

disappeared.

the South Side. But Jimmya is only one
of millions of children displaced during
the ongoing crisis. What has happened
to the vast majority? No governmen-
tal agency tracks how many are evicted
and what happens to them after they're
removed from their places of residence.
Other statistics are available: $19.2 trillion
in U.S. household wealth
evaporated. Just under
9 million jobs disappeared.
Multiple cities declared
bankruptcy. Homelessness
among children in Florida
nearly doubled.

The crisis continues to
reverberate nationwide. The most strik-
ing example is Detroit, where more
than 100,000 foreclosures over the past
decade helped push the city into the larg-
est municipal bankruptcy in U.S. history.
These foreclosures spurred a mass—
and largely forced—exodus of 250,000
people. For those who remained, falling
property values, combined with a shrink-
ing population, decimated the tax base.
Schools were shuttered. Streetlights went

HOME VALUES AND FORECLOSURES

Seattle

ар

Above, we highlight in the left columns how median home sales prices in each city

T: effect of the Great Recession's housing-market blow can be found in nine cities.
changed before and during the recession (2006-2009) and, in the right columns,

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their change during the subsequent "recovery" (2010-2012). Surrounding each bubble is the
total number of foreclosures in each city during the same periods. Bismarck, North Dakota
escaped unscathed—being in the middle of an oil boom has its perks. a

Source: National Association of Realtors; RealtyTrac.

dark. The fire department, facing budget
cuts, proposed letting vacant properties
burn as long as the wind was right. As a
U.S. district judge in New York wrote,
“Detroit’s recent bankruptcy filing only
emphasizes the broader consequences of
predatory lending and the foreclosures
that inevitably result.” Meanwhile, the
city spent taxpayer money to hire private
contractors to keep pace with the dizzy-
ing eviction rate. Local residents dubbed
them Blackwater bailiffs.

The Obama adminis-
tration declared there
would be no bailout for
Detroit, which is effec-
tively the same position
it has taken toward mil-
lions of Americans who
have faced foreclosure
since 2007. But Ameri-
can families are fighting
back, using protests and
media pressure to halt
their displacement. In Atlanta, Car-
men Pittman saved her grandmother's
home from foreclosure by launching
a months-long eviction blockade, con-
verting the house into a neighborhood
community center. In Center Point,
Alabama, Allyn Hudson lived in a tent
on the front lawn of his neighbor's in-
foreclosure home for 14 weeks during
the winter of 2011-2012 to pressure the
bank to back down. In Toledo a man
sealed himself in his home with cin-
der blocks, forcing the police to spend
days trying to evict him. In New York
City dozens of people interrupted the

There are
still 50,000
completed

foreclosures

every month.

auctions of bank-foreclosed homes by
singing in the courtrooms.

Despite these actions and reports of a
housing recovery, there are still an aver-
age of 50,000 completed foreclosures
every month. An additional 1 million
families remain trapped in some stage
of foreclosure.

The executives who orchestrated this
crisis still roam the streets of Manhattan
and the halls of Washington. The federal
government has threat-
ened to bring its wrath to
bear against cities such as
Richmond, California that
are attempting to alleviate
the crisis by seizing mort-
gages through eminent
domain. It seems Stan-
dard & Poor’s is once
again peddling falsely
positive ratings to the
banks. The New York Times
recently reported that the
“alchemists of Wall Street” are reviving
the same dangerous mortgage bundles
that led to the meltdown. And econo-
mist Dean Baker explains that the main
goal of President Obama’s grand bargain
to improve the housing market is really
to subsidize mortgage-backed securities.

In other words, we've learned nothing
from the recent crisis—except, perhaps,
that trying to live in the United States is
an increasingly risky business. a

Laura Gottesdiener is author of A Dream
Foreclosed: Black America and the Fight for
a Place to Call Home.

THE
SMILEY
FACE
THAT ATE
AMERICA

Do texts and e-mails bring
us closer? It doesn’t seem
that way

BY TAFFY BRODESSER-AKNER

onsider the emoticon. It is
fun. It is cordial. It is, or was
at first, creative—a few key-
strokes, designed to form our
words, used instead to broad-
cast our facial expression. :) means happy.
:( means sad. The emoticon should be at

999
š $)
DT
. D
В) :)
:):):) :):):)
DEDI р]
) 0 р]
:) 2
š 57 :) =)
: хо 39
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2 2
:):):):):):):):)

most a conversational enhancement, at
least an innocuous accoutrement. But
it is neither. These silly scribbles are
actually a growth tool for our natural ten-
dency toward passive aggression. Like a
hashtag, a sotto voce aside, the emoticon

FORUM

READER RESPONSE

an insult to the half of the country

that votes Republican. I don't buy

PLAYBOY for political rhetoric.
Andy Fellows
Pocatello, Idaho

All political rhetoric or mly rhetoric
you don't agree with?

CHURCH VS. STATE

The Reverend Barry Lynn of
Americans United for Separation
of Church and State points out in
“God vs. America” (September)
that it is against IRS regulations for
501(c)(3) tax-exempt organizations,
including churches, to endorse

or oppose political candidates.

He also notes that the IRS rarely
revokes a church's status for vio-

lations. But why view the issue so
narrowly? Why not tax churches as
we do corporations? The Council
for Secular Humanism argues that
the largest part of most churches’
missions is not charity work but
entertaining visitors once a week.
Addressing spiritual concerns is
labor, not charity. The council esti-
mates that if churches were treated
as for-profit entertainment com-
panies like amusement parks or
movie theaters, state and fed-

eral coffers would be enriched by
$71 billion annually.

Keith Bostick
Gainesville, Georgia

Notably, Americans United knows
of only one church that lost its tax-
exempt status for electioneering.

What does it take? The church, in

FORUM

READER RESPONSE

Binghamton, Меш York, ran neuspa-
ber ads т 1992 urging people not to
vote for Bill Clinton. Other churches,
such as that of a New York City pastor
who endorsed Al Gore for president
from the pulpit, have been investi-
gated. There's more information on
the rules at Projectfairplay.org.

I appreciate that PLAYBOY takes
time to present these questions,
but your headline should have
been "America vs. God." Despite
what Reverend Lynn claims, I'm
sure Jesus would be happy to lead
a public prayer. And who says
which god is being referenced in
the pledge of allegiance or on our
currency? Why can't these things
be considered part of our cultural
heritage and be left alone? When
did being a moral, decent person
become a crime such that a pastor
can't appear before a town meet-
ing? Unfortunately, the special
interests with money to pay law-
yers dictate life in America. Maybe
someday we will be free from hav-
ing to bow to the minority and
stop worrying if we're going to
offend someone.

Chuck Shelton

Owensboro, Kentucky

THE WAR OVER GOD

This is a belated response to John
Gray’s “Atheism Wars” (April).
Humanity is more important to the
survival of homo sapiens than reli-
gion or notions of God, yet Gray
refers to anything human in the
pejorative. He seems to be of the

READER
RESPONSE

ATHEISM W,
Tete e oorti

RS
steht

has taken digital communication’s prom-
ise of clarity in interaction and filled it
with maybes and not-sures. It is small. It
is cute. And is it too dramatic to say it’s
destroying our relationships? If so, allow
me to mitigate: :-\

First, some history: The emoticon is
older than you may think. A comput-
er scientist at Carnegie
Mellon proposed digital
markers to distinguish
jokes written on the de-
partment's online bulletin
board from things that
weren't jokes. That's the
first known use. The Jap-
anese pioneered straight-
up emoticons, ones that
stare directly at you, for
their character-encoding
scheme ASCII NET.
These emoticons are elab-
orate. My favorite depicts
a sleepy person: — — zZz

Emoticons remained
mostly private nerd
jokes in computer com-
munities until the digital
revolution gave the rest of us the tools
to create them. The moment there was
e-mail, the moment there was texting,
we needed to figure out a way to speak
without letting our words represent us.
Before our communications were re-
duced solely to words, we had tone and
expression to convey what we meant.
Once everything was in writing, we had
to find a way to show that, though the
proof was permanent, we might not
have meant it exactly as it came out.

With the emoticon,
we lost an opportunity
to let our words matter.
We could have become
direct, allowing words to
represent our intentions
loud and clear. Instead,
we were afraid of using
words that could be read
and reread, afraid our
meanings and true inten-
tions could create an ac-
tual effect. So we decided
to stop letting our words
define us, even when it
would have been noble to do so.

What better way to unleash the pas-
sive aggression we would like to commit
all day against those we love—but also
hate—than with this tool that can undo
a sentence with a few keystrokes. You're
an idiot. ;-) That dress isn't working for
you. :-) You've ruined my life. :-0

Our words need to mean what we
mean. Every aspect of communica-
tion these days is unspontaneous, pre-
meditated and exacted. The emoticon
evolved because our communication
has taken on such passiveness that we
had to add life to it. But with this life,

The machines

won, and our

fear of con-
frontation

won too. We
are now in the

business of
testing how far

we can go.

Every aspect
of commu-

nication is

unspontaneous,

meditated
and exacted.

we need to be warned: It's not just the
end of directness, it's the end of conver-
sation. We fire sentences and phrases at
one another. We carefully choose when
to respond. We have a chance to edit.
We control interactions by deciding
when we will get back to people, if we
will get back to them. There are no awk-
ward silences anymore,
because awkwardness is
a thing that needs ten-
sion between two people.
If you're not looking at
each other, you can eas-
ily change screens for a
distraction. There's no
silence when the phone
is buzzing with someone
else's message.

The machines have
won, and our fear of
confrontation has won
too. We are now in the
full-time business of test-
ing how far we can go.
I don't mean to sound
humorless. Is there an
emoticon for knowing
you sound uptight, for acknowledging
that you're making a big deal out of
nothing? There are words for that. It's
this new second language and its rules
that I don't quite understand. Direct
communication used to be rewarded.
In this new world, I don't really under-
stand what people are saying anymore.

Maybe the emoticon evolved because
we were communicating too much.
Maybe such tools protect us from the
perils of constant talking. (Remember,
if we knew everything
about one another, we'd
hate one another. That's
why we never read our
friends’ blogs and why
so many of those same
friends are hidden on our
Facebook pages—to pre-
serve our friendships.)
Maybe being genuine is
contrary to getting along
with people. We have
evolved to look one an-
other in the eye, to seek
approval. Before all this,
we could take back things we’d said,
remarket our meaning, dismiss our ini-
tial intentions or anger. The emoticon
is perhaps adaptive, because we know
we couldn't survive if we said what we
meant all the time.

Recently, before I purchased a new
iPhone, I had an inexpensive Virgin
Mobile phone that was marketed to
teenagers. The Virgin Mobile phone
had a ready-made happy-face button,
which saved two keystrokes. It was in
the same place on the keyboard where
my thumb remembered the period be-
ing on my previous phone. The “I can’t

believe you’re late again” text I sent my
husband, along with the smiley face I
had intended as a period and sent be-
fore I could edit, had a
strange effect. “Sorry,”
he wrote back, which he
never does. I had gotten
my point across. I had seethed, I had
reminded, I had nagged, and I had said
I was sorry all at once. It’s gratifying,

like honking the horn a second too long
when someone cuts you off. Ultimately
the effects of unleashing that kind of
aggression are destruc-

tive; in the moment,
however, they are deli-

cious. When we’re trying

to communicate, what do we care about
long-term effects? Now is all we have.
There’s no going back. a

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THE NEW 9/11

The next big terrorist
attack willbe carried out
with computers

communications systems and at the same time sneaking
in a dirty bomb or sending in а few missiles.
Many experts predict we have less than five years
before we see a major cyber attack on American soil—it’s
ore 9/11. That potential
ге we in a "pre- moment," as h e to es а (убег Соттапа,
Secretary of Defense Leon Panetta led by a four-star general. Naturally there is push-back
old a group of business executiv from business groups that foresee costly regulations that
last year? Before the attack, the 9/11 тау never keep up with the changing nature of the threat.
hijackers spent months probing There is also the risk that the call for act ill continue
weaknesses in airline security, such as cockpit doors that ќо be used as an excuse for questionable domestic 5
didn’t lock. Are hackers in Syria, eillance. As we learned 12 years ago,
China and Pakistan now taking h с relativel

the equivalent of one-way fl We have less
ssons by probing networks? the violence. “I'm afraid we'll argue
have the ability to cripple than five years out this until something bad hap-
10 they shut off General Keith Alexanı ho
before we see heads the Cyber Command, has said.

the lights, heat and clean water?

At least one security expert has

wondered aloud about the hav we'll jump way over here, where w

that would be created if hackers don't want to be. Let's do it now.

chose not to delete bank records et it right.

but simply to change them— That's not how America works.

would the markets melt if we still

had numbers but couldn't trust them?
Panetta noted we have historically done v

ing the domains of sea and sky but I with digital Г ere по ric

when something bad happe

amajor cyber

horrific event, but the
looting. TI

5. Identity theft and harassment are no ects that even without power, heat,
compared with what determined dark coders might do, а
and there are numerous examples of hackers mucking up
systems in smaller countries and on sm е есап 5 ss they manage to

country some:

Panetta, who formerly ran the CIA, sugg
bility of an ambitious coordinated attack—sht

FORUM Ë]

READER RESPONSE

easygoing Mencken school of athe-
ism—the court jester looking down
on man’s folly. It’s all foolishness
to him since he finds humankind’s
stupidity “irredeemable.” Gray
tries to reconcile his issues with
atheism by throwing his monkey
on everyone else’s back. It has lit-
tle to do with Nietzsche, 4
the Nazis or Ayn Rand. Ba
It’s simply the natu- |

n ZA

—

m
ral human R
1

process of
rejecting
mythologies
such as Santa
Claus. The
realization that
there is no Santa
and no God can
be painful, but
we manage. Sci-
ence alone isn’t
mankind’s salva-
tion, but science’s
premises—open
inquiry, evidence
that is replicable,
etc.—are necessary
ingredients of an open society free
of religion. Unlike orthodoxies, sci-
entific findings are open to review
and the challenge of new ideas.
Hence the networking between
rationalists, humanists, freethink-
ers and liberals, most of whom are
at least deists if not atheists. Gray
may admire those who see religion
as “a kind of transcendent poetry,”
but I don’t know any poem that
has killed untold numbers of inno-
cent people, as religions have.
Curtis Langdon
Sparks, Nevada

Gray’s sorting out of Nietzsche,
Rand and Darwin is useful and
refreshing. However, people who
think capitalism “melted down”
during the crash of 2007 are also
likely to believe Paul Ryan leads
the Tea Party and regards state-
funded welfare “with horror.”
Gray knows better on all three
points, so he must have intended
to challenge people to think about
what they read.

Fred Miller
Topeka, Kansas

E-mail letters@playboy.com.
Or write 9346 Civic Center Drive,
Beverly Hills, California 90210.

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штатын BERNIE SANDERS

A candid conversation with Vermont’s maverick U.S. senator about the end of
the middle class, avoiding foreign wars and why he hates both political parties

At a time when politicians—particularly
members of Congress—are almost universally
reviled and blind partisanship seems to dictate
the fate of every piece of legislation, one U.S.
senator stands out as a unique voice.

Bernie Sanders has been a senator from
Vermont since 2006. 115 hard for him to be
caught up in partisanship: He’s one of only
two U.S. senators who identify as independent.
Although he caucuses with the Democrats,
Sanders refuses to run as one and regularly
chides them for abandoning the working class.
He has never been much of a party man. When
he was first elected to the House of Representa-
tives, in 1990, he refused any party affiliation,
making him the longest-serving independent
member of Congress in American history.

His views are clear and differ radically from
those of his Republican colleagues and often
sharply from those of his closest allies, the Dem-
остаз. He describes himself as a democratic
socialist and often praises Scandinavian-style
social democracy. Fox News thinks he’s crazy,
and he makes MSNBC look timid.

The 72-year-old Brooklyn-born Sanders
moved to Vermont in 1968 after graduating
from the University of Chicago and spending
time on a kibbutz in Israel. Always a leftist
activist, he became a vocal opponent of the
Vietnam War. That led him to politics, though

he failed to win early races for the Senate and
the governorship.

It wasn’t until 1981 that he won his first
office, mayor of Burlington, Vermont's largest
city, by a total of 10 votes. His four terms were
full of his trademark liberal ideas—low-cost
housing, reining in the excesses of the local
cable-TV operation and forming the Vermont
Progressive Party. He has also taught at Har-
vard and at Hamilton College in New York.

Of course Vermont is one of the bluest states
in the country (it gave us onetime presiden-
tial candidate Howard Dean), and Sanders
is a hero to locals. He won reelection last year
with 71 percent of the vote, and his approval
ratings make him one of the most popular
senators in the country. Nationally, he gained
notoriety for his views on gun control (pro),
foreign intervention (anti) and, most vocally,
his passion for the plight of the middle class
and the sorry state of the American economy.

We sent noted economics writer Jonathan
Tasini, who previously interviewed Nobel Prize
winner Paul Krugman for PLAYBOY, to sit
down with Sanders for a series of discussions
in Vermont and Washington. Tasini reports:
"I was warned ahead of time: Bernie doesn't
do personal revelations. No question about it;
he is the anti-Bill Clinton. The most extensive
anecdote about Sanders the person came from

а ticket agent at the Vermont airport. When I
mentioned what I was doing in the area, she
smiled and said, ‘Oh, we love Bernie,’ and
proceeded to tell me how Sanders had helped
her boyfriend, a veteran with a back injury
who was having a hellish time getting the De-
partment of Veterans Affairs to approve his
medical costs. ‘By the time they were done, they
were on a first-name basis,’ she said.

‘After spending numerous hours with
Senator Sanders, I came to understand why
he resists suggestions from his followers that
2016 might be the right time for him to make
а тип for the White House. It’s not that he
worries about losing. Although he wants to
influence the debate, his hunger for power
isn't so insatiable that he would debase him-
self in the arena of what poses as serious
political debate in America.”

PLAYBOY: You have said, “There are peo-
ple working three jobs and four jobs,
trying to cobble together an income in
order to support their families.” Has the
middle class died forever?

SANDERS: Well, I certainly hope it’s not
forever, but one of the untold stories of
our time is the collapse of the American
middle . From the end of World
War П until 1973, we saw an expanding

“We live т a hypercapitalist society, which
means the function of every institution is not
to perform a public service but to make as
much money as possible. There’s an effort to
privatize water, for God’s sake.”

“One out of four major profitable corporations
pays zero in federal income taxes. Got that?
You'd think that before you cut health care or
Social Security, you might want to take a hard
look at that issue. Am I missing something here?”

PHOTOGRAPHY BY MARIUS BUGGE

“If you want to talk about nation building, I
know a great nation that needs to be rebuilt.
It’s called the United States of America. I
would rather invest in this country than in
Iraq or Afghanistan.”

PLAYBOY

middle class, with people’s incomes going
up. Since that point, and especially since
the Wall Street-driven financial crisis,
you've seen a real collapse. Since 1999
median family income has gone down
$5,000. Real unemployment, counting
people who have given up looking for
work or who are working part-time when
they want to work full-time, is more than
14 percent. More than 14 percent! You're
seeing millions of people working longer
hours for lower wages. When I was grow-
ing up in a lower-middle-class family, the
gold standard for blue-collar workers was
union manufacturing in the automobile
industry. As the big three have been re-
hiring, they're hiring people at something
like $14 an hour, half the wages. The U.S.
has 46 million people living in poverty
today. We have the highest rate of child-
hood poverty in the industrialized world.
PLAYBOY: How do you explain that?
SANDERS: We live in a hypercapitalist
society, which means the function of ev-
ery institution is not to perform a public
service but to make as much money as
possible. There’s an effort to privatize
water, for God’s sake. I suppose some-
body will figure out how to charge you
for the oxygen you breathe. The func-
tion of health care, in a rational world,
is to make sure every person, as a right,
has access to the health care they need
in the most cost-effective way possible.
That is not the nature of our health care
system at all. The function of this health
care system is for people in the system—
whether it’s insurance companies, drug
companies, medical specialists—to make
as much money out of it as possible. In
five minutes one could come up with
ways to make the system simpler and
more cost effective.

PLAYBOY: Has this hypercapitalism accel-
erated lately?

SANDERS: People have lost sight of Amer-
ica as a society where everyone has at
least a minimal standard of living and is
entitled to certain basic rights, a nation in
which every child has a good-quality edu-
cation, has access to health care and lives
in an environmentally clean community,
not as an opportunity for billionaires to
make even more money and avoid taxes
by stashing their money in the Cayman
Islands. Can you argue that the era of
unfettered capitalism should be over? Ab-
solutely. Does this system of hypercapital-
ism, this incredibly unequal distribution
of wealth and income, need fundamen-
tal reform? Absolutely it does. You have
the entire scientific community saying
we have to be very aggressive in cutting
greenhouse gas emissions. Yet you're see-
ing the heads of coal companies and oil
companies willing to sacrifice the well-
being of the entire planet for their short-
term profits. And these folks are funding
phony organizations to try to create doubt
about the reality of global warming.
PLAYBOY: Aren't they just taking care of
their shareholders?

SANDERS: Big business is willing to destroy
the planet for short-term profits. I regard
that as just incomprehensible. Incompre-
hensible. And because of their power over
the political process, you hear a deafening
silence in the U.S. Congress and in other
bodies around the world about the sever-
ity of the problem. Global warming is a far
more serious problem than Al Qaeda.
PLAYBOY: Today, people who don't have a
union, pensions or health care feel resent-
ful of those who do have those benefits.
SANDERS: That’s part of the Republican
plan. It has worked very well. This is not
a new idea. Think back 50 years, to the
1950s and the 1960s. The lowest-paid
white workers in America were where?
They were in Mississippi, in Alabama.
How did those companies get away
with paying them such low wages? They
played them off against black workers,
who were even worse off. Then over
the years you play immigrants against
native-born people; you play straight
people against gay people. Rather than
say, “Firefighters have a halfway decent
health care program, and we have to
make sure you get one as good as theirs,”

Big business is willing to
destroy the planet for short-
term profits. I regard that
as incomprehensible. Global
warming is a far more serious
problem than Al Qaeda.

Republicans are pretty clever in playing
one group against another. When you
have a president of the United States
who is talking about cuts in Social Se-
curity and veterans’ programs, who was
willing earlier on to give continued tax
breaks to billionaires and unwilling to go
after huge corporate loopholes, people
sit there and say, “Both parties are work-
ing for the big-money interests.”
PLAYBOY: Ten years ago jobs were going
abroad to low-wage countries. Now jobs
are coming back because we're seen as
an even lower-wage country.

SANDERS: There’s a quote I can dig up
for you from some guy saying General
Electric can expand in the United States
because the wages are now competitive
with the rest of the world. You can now
hire workers in America for wages so low
it becomes a good investment for Ameri-
can companies. That is pathetic. The
goal of all those trade agreements was,
in fact, to shut down plants in America.
We have lost almost 60,000 manufactur-
ing plants and millions of good-paying
jobs in the past 10 years. Products go
to China, Vietnam and elsewhere, are

manufactured and brought back to the
United States, not only causing unem-
ployment in this country but pushing
wages down. That’s what corporate
America has wanted, and it has signifi-
cantly succeeded.

PLAYBOY: You’ve said that today the
wealthiest 400 individuals in this country
own more wealth than the bottom half of
America, 150 million people.

SANDERS: One family, the Waltons, who
own Walmart, has more wealth than the
bottom 40 percent. The top one per-
cent today owns 38 percent of all wealth.
Take a wild and crazy guess as to what
the bottom 60 percent own.

PLAYBOY: Probably five percent.
SANDERS: No, 2.3 percent. When we
were growing up and read about oli-
garchic countries in Latin America and
elsewhere, did you ever think that in
the United States one percent would
own 38 percent of the wealth and the
bottom 60 percent only 2.3 percent?
As part of the budget debate, I brought
forth an amendment in committee. I
looked at my Republican friends and
said something like "I know you've been
interested in welfare reform. So am I,
and I want to give you the opportunity
right now to take on the biggest welfare
cheat in the United States of America."
In state after state, Walmart employees
are on Medicaid, they're on food stamps,
they're in publicly subsidized housing. I
said, “If we can raise the minimum wage
and get a living wage for these people,
we're going to save billions of dollars.
The wealthiest family in this country, the
Walton family, is getting welfare from the
taxpayers of this country. Let's end that.”
You'll be shocked to know I didn't get
any votes from the Republicans on that.
PLAYBOY: You make the U.S. sound like
a banana republic in which a handful
of families control all the economic and
political power.

SANDERS: Yes, it is. In more technical
economic terms I would call it an oli-
garchy. You have an economy where a
very few people control a large part of
the wealth. You have an economy where
the top six financial institutions have as-
sets equivalent to two thirds of the GDP
of the United States, more than $9 tril-
lion. That's economic control. On top
of that, the U.S. Supreme Court ruling
on campaign finance, Citizens United,
said to these folks, "Hey, so you own
the economy. Fine. Now we're giving
you the opportunity to own the political
process." The other part of the story is
what happens on the floors of the Senate
and the House. If there's a tough vote in
the House or the Senate—for example,
legislation to break up the large banks—
people might come up and say, "Bernie,
that's a pretty good idea, but I can't vote
for that." Why not? Because when you
go home, what do you think is going to
happen? Wall Street dumps a few million
dollars into your opponent's campaign.

PLAYBOY: Beyond Citizens United, has the
Supreme Court become too partisan?
SANDERS: The Supreme Court has always
been political, but it's much more so now.
The Republicans are tougher than the
Democrats. They nominate right-wing
judges who act very boldly. Democrats
nominate moderates. Citizens United will
go down in history as one of the worst
decisions ever made by the U.S. Supreme
Court. Does anyone really think Bush v.
Gore was decided on the legal merits? I
saw a study that said when the Chamber
of Commerce weighs in on a case, the
justices decide in the business lobby’s
favor almost 70 percent of the time.
PLAYBOY: The collapse ofthe middle class
didn’t happen overnight. This is a pro-
cess of at least 30 or 40 years, right?
SANDERS: It happened in a few ways.
Number one, the decline of trade unions
in America. At the end of the day unions
are what workers have to negotiate de-
cent contracts, and unions are what give
working people political clout. When
you see a devastating reduction of the
trade unions, as you see in Michigan,
workers will have less power to negotiate
contracts and less political clout.
PLAYBOY: In your youth, unions repre-
sented probably 35 percent of the work-
force. Now it’s 11 percent.

SANDERS: Exactly. Most workers now
have nobody to look after them, so the
employer says, “Oh, by the way, good
news! We’re giving you a job, but you
don’t get any vacation time.” Where
are you going to go? You're going to go
to your union rep to talk about it. But
you don’t have a union rep, so you say,
because everybody else is unemployed,
“Thank you very much. I'll take the job."
PLAYBOY: How do you think the U.S.
should view and engage China?
SANDERS: We should do everything we
can to avoid a hugely expensive cold war
with China similar to what we had with
the Soviet Union. We should also do our
best, in a respectful way, to support those
elements in China fighting for a demo-
cratic society. But I vigorously opposed
the permanent normal trade relations
agreement with China that was pushed
by corporate America and supported
by many Democrats as well as Republi-
cans. The motive for that agreement was
to shut down plants in this country and
take advantage of cheap labor in China.
PLAYBOY: You complained recently about
ExxonMobil, “They had a bad year in
2009. They only made $19 billion in
profit, and they paid nothing in federal
income taxes, but they got a $156 mil-
lion refund from the IRS.”

SANDERS: Bank of America operated 200
subsidiaries in the Cayman Islands. In
2010 it got a $1.9 billion rebate from the
IRS. There’s a list of about 15 compa-
nies that paid nothing, or very little, in
taxes. Many of these institutions—Bank
of America, Citigroup, Goldman Sachs,
JPMorgan Chase—were actually bailed

out by the American people. They were
wonderful, proud American companies
when they came for their welfare checks
from the American people. After the
bailout, they suddenly love the Cayman
Islands and are parking all their money
there. The next time they go broke, they
can go to the Cayman Islands for a bail-
out, not the American people. There's
an estimate out there that we're losing
about $100 billion a year because com-
panies are taking advantage of the tax
havens in the Cayman Islands, Bermuda
and so on— $100 billion a year!

PLAYBOY: That's a sizable pile of cash.
SANDERS: Today one out of four major
profitable corporations pays zero in fed-
eral income taxes. Got that? Today, what
corporations are paying into the U.S.
Treasury, as a percentage of GDB, is low-
er than in any other major country on
earth. You would think that before you
cut health care, education, nutrition or
Social Security, you might want to take
a hard look at that issue. I mean, am I
missing something here?

PLAYBOY: You once said, "It is Robin
Hood in reverse. We are taking from

One family, the Waltons,
who own Walmart, has
more wealth than the
bottom 40 percent. The top
one percent today owns 38
percent of all wealth.

working families who are hurting and
giving it to the wealthiest people."

SANDERS: Welcome to America 2013. We
are in the midst of intense class warfare,
where the wealthiest people and the
largest corporations are at war with the
middle class and working families of this
country, and it is obvious the big-money
interests are winning that war. They are
winning the war in terms of their lob-
byists negotiating tax breaks for people
who don't need them and then fighting
for cuts for working families. The Busi-
ness Roundtable—CEOs of the largest
companies in the U.S.—came to Wash-
ington earlier this year and proposed
that we raise the Medicare and Social
Security eligibility ages to 70. Can you
imagine the chutzpah of guys who are
worth hundreds of millions of dollars in
some cases and have retirement pack-
ages the likes of which average Ameri-
cans couldn't even dream, proposing
that? Can you imagine somebody who
will get a golden parachute of perhaps
tens of millions of dollars—who is not
going to have a financial worry in his
or her life—coming to Washington and

saying, "I want you to raise Medicare
eligibility to 70"?

PLAYBOY: Is the problem that wealthy
CEOs are out of touch with the concerns
of the common man?

SANDERS: Absolutely. These are people
whose kids live in gated communities,
people who get into their chauffeured
cars when they travel, into their own jet
planes, and go all over the world. They
eat at the finest restaurants; they work
out in the greatest gyms. They haven't
got a clue or a concern about what's go-
ing on with ordinary Americans.
PLAYBOY: We saw one calculation that
said if the productivity of workers was
matched to the minimum wage, the min-
imum wage in America would be $22 an
hour, three times what it is.

SANDERS: If I give you a new tool—for ex-
ample, a computer as opposed to a yel-
low pad—we have a right to expect you
to be more productive, right? If I give a
guy in the woods a chain saw as opposed
to an old-fashioned saw, that guy's go-
ing to cut down more trees. Here is the
irony: Our society has become far more
productive—productivity has soared—
and yet all the gains from that produc-
tivity have gone to the people at the top.
While you have become more produc-
tive as a worker, your wages, income and
benefits have gone down.

PLAYBOY: Is anyone in Washington con-
cerned about this?

SANDERS: Every speech I give, I get a
question. "Bernie, I don't understand.
"These CEOs and large financial institu-
tions were clearly engaged in fraudulent
behavior, but none of these guys is in jail.
Why?" Attorney General Eric Holder
said he had concerns about the Depart-
ment of Justice prosecuting large finan-
cial institutions because if they became
destabilized, it would have an impact on
our economy and the world economy. In
other words, these guys are not only too
big to fail, they're too big to jail.
PLAYBOY: How powerful is Wall Street
in Washington?

SANDERS: The Wall Street folks spent bil-
lions and billions of dollars to deregulate
Wall Street. Then they proceeded to cre-
ate the world's largest gambling casino,
which then ended up collapsing and was
bailed out, against my vote, by the Amer-
ican people. Then, the American people
looked to the president of the United
States and Congress to say, "How did it
happen? Hold these bastards account-
able. Throw the crooks in jail. Do some-
thing." I was new to the Senate at the
time. I remember we went to the White
House and met with the president, the
secretary of the treasury, the whole fi-
nancial team, and our message was: The
American people are outraged. Wall
Street has just caused immense suffering
in this country. People want action. What
are you going to do about it?

PLAYBOY: And the president said...?
SANDERS: Oh, I hesitate to tell you—I

РЕАУВОУ

don’t like to talk about private sessions
behind closed doors with the president,
but let’s just say the response to that dis-
cussion from the president and his team
was not inspiring, and the proof is in
the pudding. The president has hired
people from Wall Street, obviously. We
had Federal Reserve Board chairman
Ben Bernanke come before the Senate
Budget Committee, and I said, “Mr.
Bernanke, can you tell me the role the
Fed played—how much money the Fed
provided to financial institutions, and
which ones, during the financial crisis?”
Не said, “No, I can't tell you that. I'm
not going to tell you that."

PLAYBOY: Do you think the term class
warfare is a hard thing to explain to or
use with most Americans?

SANDERS: People understand it. Some-
times people come up to me and say I'm
courageous for saying all these things.
I say, "I'm not courageous. Go look at
these guys who want to give more tax
breaks to billionaires and cut programs
for working families. That is incredibly
courageous, because the vast major-
ity of the American people think that's
crazy." The polling says: Don't cut Social
Security, don't cut Medicare, don't cut
Medicaid. Ask the wealthy and large
corporations to pay more taxes. The po-
litical question is, why have the Repub-
licans not been reduced to a 15 percent
marginal third party?

PLAYBOY: And the answer is?

SANDERS: Most people do not perceive a
heck of a lot of difference between either
party. The Democrats are too diffuse, and
their message is so unclear the American
people don't see the real difference.
PLAYBOY: Some people claim Obamacare
was really a payoff to the drug compa-
nies and the insurance companies to
continue to make billions of dollars.
SANDERS: I think you can make that case.
You could also say it was an expensive
and inefficient way of doing some good
things. We can't ignore the fact that at
a time when 50 million people have no
health insurance, after Obamacare we're
going to provide insurance, in a rather
complicated way, to 30 million more
through Medicaid and access through ex-
changes. That's not anything to sneeze at.
PLAYBOY: So Obamacare in your view is
a plus?

SANDERS: Well, as a matter of fact, it's no
great secret that early on the president
made a deal with the drug companies to
get them onboard, saying there would
not be an effort to lower the cost of pre-
scription drugs. On financial issues the
president is a moderate, not very pro-
gressive at all.

PLAYBOY: Do you respond to politicians
who say they're patriots and they sup-
port the troops but then vote to cut vet-
erans' benefits?

SANDERS: People who give great speeches
about the need to go to war and years
later talk about gutting benefits for vets

or ignoring their needs? As somebody
who has always been antiwar—I'm not a
pacifist but I've always understood war
is the last recourse—I also understand
the cost of war. Some people think more
Vietnam vets committed suicide than
were killed in Vietnam. Lives were just
totally destroyed. Right now, as a result
ofthis war in Iraq, which I voted against,
there are an estimated 50,000 veterans
suffering from minor to moderate trau-
matic brain injuries. These are folks you
would not recognize walking down the
street. This is not somebody who has
had half his head blown off. These are
folks who are functioning but have been
exposed to multiple explosions; maybe
they have had many, many concussions.
We don't know what that will mean over
the years. We don't know its impact on
depression, on other emotional attri-
butes, on behavior.

PLAYBOY: How would you assess the
country's nation-building efforts
around the world, particularly in Iraq
and Afghanistan?

SANDERS: If you want to talk about
nation building, I know a great nation

I think we can fight terrorism
without undermining the
Constitution. In my vieu, the
Patriot Act gives the govern-
ment far too much power to
spy on innocent citizens.

that needs to be rebuilt. It's called the
United States of America. I would rather
invest in this country than in Iraq or Af-
ghanistan. Our roads and bridges and
railroads and water systems and schools
need rebuilding. We have been at war
now for more than a decade. Our troops
have done a tremendous job, but it is
time for the people of Afghanistan to
take full responsibility for their country
and for waging the war against the Tali-
ban. And in Iraq, I think it's clear that
nation building didn't work very well.
PLAYBOY: There has been a debate about
the president's use of drones, particular-
ly whether any president can order the
killing of an American citizen without
due process. What's your view?
SANDERS: The way the drone program
has been handled is a major reason I
voted against the nomination of John
Brennan to head the CIA. Of course we
must defend ourselves against terror-
ism, but I am not convinced Brennan
is adequately sensitive to the important
balancing act required to make protect-
ing our civil liberties an integral part of
ensuring our national security. Drone

attacks that kill innocent people are im-
moral and create an enormous amount
of anti-Americanism.

PLAYBOY: Do you think international
terrorist attacks at home are a serious
threat requiring more surveillance, less
privacy or other actions? Do we need
a London-style network of cameras on
public streets? How active should the
NSA be?

SANDERS: I think we can fight terror-
ism without undermining the Consti-
tution. That is why I voted against the
so-called Patriot Act. In my view, that
surveillance law gives the government
far too much power to spy on innocent
U.S. citizens and provides for very little
oversight or disclosure.

PLAYBOY: What role does religious funda-
mentalism play in conflicts today in the
world and at home, whether it's funda-
mentalist Islam, Christianity or Judaism?
SANDERS: I have real problems with
people who believe they have a direct
line from God and can commit any act,
no matter how horrendous, because it is
"God's will." There is no simple answer
to combating religious fundamentalism.
It's a question of education, of bringing
people together to discover their com-
mon humanity and working toward
more tolerant and democratic societies.
PLAYBOY: If you had the power, how
would you negotiate an end to the
Israeli-Palestinian conflict, where funda-
mentalism is so strong?

SANDERS: The hatred, violence and loss of
life that define this conflict make living an
ordinary life a constant struggle for both
peoples. We must work with those Israeli
and Palestinian leaders who are com-
mitted to peace, security and statehood
rather than to empty rhetoric and vio-
lence. A two-state solution must include
compromises from both sides to achieve
a fair and lasting peace in the region. The
Palestinians must fulfill their responsibili-
ties to end terrorism against Israel and
recognize Israel's right to exist. In re-
turn, the Israelis must end their policy
of targeted killings, prevent further Is-
raeli settlements on Palestinian land and
prevent the destruction of Palestinian
homes, businesses and infrastructure.
PLAYBOY: And what role, if any, do you
see for the U.S. in Syria?

SANDERS: With regard to Syria, it is my
strong opinion that Bashar al-Assad has
to go. He is a terrible dictator at war with
his own people. The difficulty for the
United States is to make certain the op-
position groups we support in Syria are
not extremists working with Al Qaeda.
PLAYBOY: I5 the deficit a challenge to be ad-
dressed slowly over time, as Paul Krugman
and others argue, or an immediate crisis
that puts the country at grave risk and re-
quires immediate deep cuts, as others say?
Do you see a price for inaction?

SANDERS: Congressional action has al-
ready resulted in a major reduction of
the deficit, and (continued on page 130)

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IT WAS PROBABLY THE STRANGEST STUNT THE СТА EVER ATTEMPTED.
THE UNITED STATES NEEDED TO WIN THE HEARTS AND MINDS OF
PRO-SOVIET LEFTISTS IN EUROPE DURING THE COLD WAR. THE AGENCY'S
WEAPON OF CHOICE? MODERN ART. AND AMAZINGLY, IT WORKED

пену MERONSY
ILLUSTRATIONS BY DAYS MURRAY

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Oh my God. We've got to do something.

That was the recurring thought in
Tom Braden's mind. It haunted him late
into the nights and galvanized him in
the mornings.

He was living in frightening times. It
was the early years of the Cold War, and
there was a real fear the West would lose.
Soviet spies had stolen our atomic secrets.
President Harry Truman announced the
U.S. expected a Soviet attack—at any
time. North Korean communists invaded
South Korea. A headline in The New York
Times revealed a Soviet plan to “rule all of
Germany” and start “a civil war.”

More than most people, Braden was
consumed by these events. He had a
job that demanded he do something
about them.

Braden would become a liberal newspa-
perman and launch the CNN political talk
show Crossfire, which he co-hosted with
Patrick Buchanan for almost a decade.

He was best known as the inspiration
for the sweater-vest-clad father on TV’s
Eight Is Enough. The series was adapted
from Braden’s best-selling 1975 memoir
about life as the father of eight children,
and at one time it had more viewers than
Monday Night Football and Charlie's Angels.

But before he became any of these
things, Tom Braden was a spy.

There is no shortage of rumors and
legends about the Central Intelligence

Agency. There was the MK-
Ultra program, an experiment
in which unsuspecting human
subjects were kept hopped up
on LSD so the agency would
know how to use the drug on
the enemy. There were the ex-
ploding cigars and a wet suit
specially lined with bacteria to
kill Fidel Castro; chemists even
readied a thallium-salt deliv-
ery device to make his beard
fall out. Some agency ventures
were just wacky. The recently
declassified Acoustic Kitty was
the CIA's plan to turn a cat into
a secret agent by surgically im-
planting a microphone in her
ear and a radio transmitter by
her skull. This furry spy was
sadly “squashed by a taxi” on
her first mission, as reported in
Popular Science.

Braden regarded these
schemes as “college boy stuff.”
Speaking of his former col-
leagues, he told author Evan
Thomas, “They had a lot of
screwy ideas.”

I met Tom Braden in 2001.
About the CIA, he told me, “I
left before the fall. By ‘fall’ I
mean the Bay of Pigs.” Braden
wondered how men who were
so intelligent and bright could
let the “covert plan for Cuba,”

as he called it, happen. In 1961 agency
leaders convinced President John F.
Kennedy to sign off on a proposal to
invade the tiny country and overthrow
Castro's communist regime. They re-
cruited 1,400 "high-minded, young,
able, patriotic Cubans," in the words of
director Allen Dulles, to take back their
native country. In the dead of night
the CIA landed the Cuban exiles on
beaches at the Bay of
Pigs. The mission was
a disaster. More than
a hundred exiles were
killed by Castro's forces.
Afterward, Castro had
a stronger hold on the
country than ever be-
fore. Braden regarded
it as an "unrealistic, silly,
stupid adventure."

But the Battle for Pi-
casso's Mind—as Braden
would call his plan—was
not the typical cloak-
and-dagger operation.
It was subtle. It was in-
genious. Braden's covert
masterpiece invigorated
the modern art move-
ment and helped turn
the tide against Soviet
communism in a way
that traditional clandes-
tine tradecraft never
could. It was the kind

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of outside-the-box thinking that suited
Braden perfectly.

Unlike other CIA recruits, Braden
didn’t have a pedigree that made a top
government job a foregone conclusion.
Не hadn't gone to an exclusive prep
school. He hadn’t graduated from high
school. He was born in 1917 on a bench
in a train station in Greene, Iowa. “My
mother was on her way to Dubuque to
have me,” he said in a 1975 interv

“There was a snowstorm, and she di
make it to the hospital.” He grew up dur-

AMERICANIZATION

ing the Great Depression, and his father
told him he could look forward to a job
in a tie store. “Hearing that, I was on the
next Greyhound bus for New York,” he
said. There he became a printer’s devil,
workingina printshop and cleaningcom-
modes. When his grandmother died and
left him $1,000, he quit to go to college.
He found out Dartmouth would consid-
er students who didn't have high school
diplomas. He applied, was accepted and
excelled, especially at journalism—he
was elected editor of The Dartmouth, the
daily campus newspaper. He made per-
haps a fateful choice to invite the general
secretary of the Communist Party USA,
Earl Browder, to speak so students could
hear the party line firsthand. This deci-
sion got him noticed by Nelson Rocke-
feller, a Dartmouth trustee and Repub-
1 lican powerhouse,
whose family had
built the Museum
of Modern Art in
New York City.
He asked to meet
this young pro-
vocateur named
Тот Braden. Im-
pressed, he gave
Braden a job
working at Rock-
efeller Center,

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editing the building’s newsletter. As the
world marched toward war, Braden
volunteered for the British army. Even-
tually he was recruited by the Office of
Strategic Services, America’s wartime
spy agency, and became part of an elite
corps that parachuted behind Nazi lines
into Italy. But it was Braden’s efforts
after the war, when he became Dulles’s
first “bright young man” of the CIA, that
would make the biggest impact.

In 1948 the United States was losing
intellectuals and artists to communist
ideology, especially in Europe. Trying
to crawl out from under the ashes of
World War II, they were being swayed
by Soviet propaganda promoting har-
mony. In Paris, 30,000 people gathered
for a “world peace conference,” many
unaware it was a Kremlin-backed rally
to undermine American opposition to
communism. Musicians, writers and
artists were there to support peace.
Pablo Picasso was among them.

Thousands of miles away in Manhat-
tan, two of Picasso’s works hung on the
walls of MoMA: Dog and Cock and Girl
Before a Mirror. Starting in December
1948 Braden saw them almost every day
for a year and a half—Rockefeller had
made him secretary of the museum.

It was there that Braden first envi-
sioned a program focused on “threats to
creativity.” His immediate mission was
to fight back against the forces that were
“attacking everything new or original.”
Those elements, he wrote in a 1948 let-
ter, “seem to have found a particular tar-
get in modern art.” In the Soviet Union,
modern artists were under attack by the
state. Picasso was labeled as subversive.
(Ironically, he was a communist.) Wassily
Kandinsky, whose Several Circles paint-
ing was pathbreaking, fled as the Soviet
regime was coming into power. Painting
modern art was considered a vice—the
regime saw such
work as reflective
of “Western deca-
dence” and “petit
bourgeois democ-
racy.” Artists whose

work failed to reflect socialist realism—a
style that glorified the Red Army, Stalin,
Lenin and the proletariat worker—were
prevented from working in their chosen
profession, and many were “liquidated.”
Braden found this abhorrent. He want-
ed people to understand the connection
between creativity and its “peculiar re-
lationship to democratic government
and to private enterprise.” This was
Braden's blueprint for what he would
carry out at the CIA.

Braden was shocked when he received
a call from William J. Donovan, founder
of the Office of Strategic Services. To
veterans such as Braden, Donovan was
a living legend. He admired Donovan's
approach to battle: It was “like pouring
molasses from a barrel onto the floor. It
will ooze in every direction, but eventu-
ally he’ll make it into some sort of pat-
tern,” Braden wrote. In time that pattern
coalesced into resistance and intelligence.

Donovan wanted Braden to run his
newly formed organization, the Ameri-
can Committee on United Europe, a
group of leading Americans who promot-
ed the idea of European federalism. But,
as Donovan wrote in a letter, it was really
about solving “the problems the country
is up against,” meaning those created by
Soviet communism. “My view is that we
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уегуопе knows the song: “Gonna find my baby, gonna hold her
tight/Gonna grab some afternoon delight....” With all due respect to the
Starland Vocal Band, who recorded the 1976 hit, the tune’s success is
due more to the erotic fantasy it evokes than to its musical genius. Here
we've created the ultimate afternoon delight fantasy. The model: Sarah
Domke of Germany. Location: a p ` pool in Greece. You can imagine
the rest of this narrative yourself. “S 5

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NAME: WES LANG MEDIA: DRAWING, PAINTING,

BORN: CHATHAM, NEW JERSEY BRONZE SCULPTURES
CURRENTLY RESIDING IN: INFLUENCES: THE GRATEFUL
LOS ANGELES DEAD, CY TWOMBLY, MARTIN
EXPERIENCE: ART HANDLER, KIPPENBERGER, TATTOOS, GIRLS,
TATTOOIST, HOUSEPAINTER, MOTORCYCLES

SIGN PAINTER

АВОУЕ:
Righteous
Nights, 2013,
22 x 30 inches.

The artist Wes Lang has long mined
the pages of PLAYBOY to find inspiration
for his maximalist paintings. It's our

pleasure to return the favor

he walls of Wes Lang’s studio in
Los Angeles are
photographs, drawings, maga-
zine clippings and sketches that
read like an exploded diagram
of the artist’s mind: skulls,
motorcycles, Grateful Dead
logos, tattoos, 1970s pinup girls and Rab-
bit Heads. Lots of Rabbit Heads.

“I find myself drawing the Playboy
Rabbit Head in my work all the time. It’s
one of the main characters in my world,
like the grim reaper or Indians,” says
Lang. “My work is about a celebration of
a beautiful life, and рілүвоү is a high rep-
resentation of that.” Lang, who counts
among his prized possessions a nearly
complete collection of PLAYBOY maga-
zines, is a walking, working embodiment
of the American idea of rebel freedom:
His daily uniform is biker boots, black
denim, leather vest and full-sleeve tattoos
heavy on the Americana; he has designed
a boxed set for the Grateful Dead, embla-
zoned his imagery on everything from
coffee mugs to boxers and produced a
series of drawings on stationery from the
Chateau Marmont.

Although his artwork—dense with
rock lyrics, naked girls and slogans of
the good life—has been exhibited in gal-
leries and museums around the world
(including the Museum of Modern Art),
we like to think its spiritual home is the
magazine you're holding in your hands.
(Lang’s latest exhibition runs from
November 7 through the end of the year
at Half Gallery in New York City.)

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Four Ways Wes Lang Breaks Out of the Gallery

(

: CUSTOM ROLEX
CHATEAU MARMONT : +Lang collaborated

ABOVE:
Blood, Chet + Tears,
2013, 22 x 30 inches.

OPPOSITE PAGE:
Positively 3rd
Street, 2012,

48 x 36 inches.

BOOK
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: eDuring a month- : with the Bamford : features a collection
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fabric and handmade : including a boxed : his artwork. (Prices : essay by Arty Nelson.

in the USA. ($855, : set of prints. ($950, : vary, bamfordwatch : ($35, PictureBox/
bestwishesinc.com) 1 exhibitiona.com) : department.com) : Half Gallery)

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Drive a Ferrari Like an Italian

> Spending six figures on a Ferrari is a distant dream for

most guys; the reality of a 400-horsepower beauty idling in
rush-hour traffic is a distinct bummer. То affordably and unfor-

gettably experience the automotive quintessence of la dolce
vita, spend your next vacation in northern Italy, where at Push
Start Maranello you can drive a Ferrari the way it was meant to
be driven. For $450 you get a Ferrari F430 Spider and 60 min-

utes of drive time in the Italian countryside. pushstart.it

DEEJAY A VEGAS NIGHTCLUB

b Here's one story you won't
want to stay in Vegas: You
deejayed TAO nightclub
at the Venetian, the same

venue that globe-trotting
artists Steve Aoki and DJ
Vice have played. It's a brag-
worthy experience you
can claim as your own—no
experience necessary. For
$25,000 (plus a private-
event rental fee), a resident
DJ will give you a lesson in
how to work the decks and

Train to Be an Astronaut

> Book a $5,000 flight on Zero Gravity Corporation's modified
Boeing 727 to experience the closest thing to weightlessness without
a rocket. This is the same company NASA uses to train spaceflight
crews, so you know it's the real deal. gozerog.com

› You don't need to be Thomas
Jefferson or Francis Ford Coppola
to realize the gentlemanly dream of

producing your own wine. For as little
as $5,000 you can oversee the making
and bottling of a barrel of wine (that's
300 bottles) through the Sonoma-
based Wine Foundry. Consult with
staff winemakers and designers on
everything from selecting a vineyard
and a varietal to creating a label and
marketing your creation. With the
trained pros at your back, the hard-
est part will be coming up with a
name for your wine.
thewinefoundry.com

build a perfect set list. When
you take the stage, your set
will be accompanied by a
synchronized audiovisual
production complete with
lights and lasers.
taolasvegas.com

Adopt a Kobe Cow

> The big-shot move of ordering a Kobe beef T-bone at a steakhouse is nothing
compared with owning the whole damned cow. True Grass Farms in northern
California raises organic grass-fed wagyu cattle and will sell you all 350 pounds
of the finely marbled beef broken down into steaks, roasts and humble cuts for
$3,800. If you don't have a walk-in meat locker or enough friends to divvy up
the spoils, opt for the more apartment-dweller-friendly 22-pound "urban share"
for $315. truegrassfarms.com

$. BREAK A WORLD RECORD

> Let other men strain their backs and bloat their
bellies with feats of strength and speed eating.
An accomplishment certified by none other than
Guinness World Records is more achievable than you
think. The web-based Challengers competition has
200 breakable records, from Mario Kart time trials to
quarters stacked on the back of a hand in one minute.
Prove your mettle via video for official certification
challengers.guinnessworldrecords.com

> The idea of having your
own resident butler is a fine
daydream, until you factor in the
reality of sharing your bachelor
pad with someone other than

Direct a Movie

a beautiful girl. A host of new і P Blockbuster technology is finally within reach Finally Have
apps and websites put an army of | of mere mortals. When Michael Bay had to Your Suit
private staffers at your disposal — i — selecta camera to shoot the fourth installment
without all the Downton Abbey | of the Transformers film franchise, he chose Custom-Made
grama Popular requete Include i a RED digital model that can be rented by | i — -------------
ooking travel, assembling i civilians like you, complete with lenses and fanc

furniture and shopping forgro- i accessories, for $1 ‘000 a day. Budding КЕСТІ 28 the cornes make me
ceries, but there's nothing to мор : with Bling Ring-level aspirations can rent a А OE
you from asking someone to buy ¿ more indie-appropriate rig for half that price. clothes s The Е

gin, vermouth and ice and then
stir up a batch of martinis on a

5kcamerarentals.com suit is the pinnacle of the

garment game. Gone are

Friday night, the days of jetting to Hong
СЕС Kong to have а one-of-a-
SSSSS kind suit tailored for you.

Choose fabrics, lapel width,
venting and other details
that will set you apart at the
office or out on the town.

TASKRABBIT Post the job you need to
have completed; background-
checked helpers will submit bids.
taskrabbit.com

$$$
FANCY HANDS А $45 monthly fee gets
you 15 requests for any job that
can be done over the phone or
оп а computer. Yes, you can hire
someone to be on hold for you.
fancyhands.com

SSSSS
THOM SWEENEY If you can go to
London, head to this tailor
favored by David Beckham.
thomsweeney.co.uk

$$$
ASTOR & BLACK With prices start-
ing at $650, this company will

s
НІНІ An online marketplace for
craft your suit after sending a

services that cost just five bucks.

fiverr.com tailor to your home or office
for a custom fitting.
astorandblack.com
$
г. INDOCHINO This site lets you

Create a Robot Doppelgänger Ы ihe MR ELO
The Double Robotics system ($2,500) allows you to be in two places at once—virtually—via an iPad flaps and other cool details
Mounted on a Segway-like platform that you can control remotely from anywhere in the world. Drive your on a wide range of suit styles.
double to meetings, then stick around to see who gets into trouble at the office party. doublerobotics.com indochino.com

@ 11. Sponsor a Sports Team E i
= ) There's nothing like seeing your name embroidered on the uniforms of athletes ! ДИ
performing at the highest level...which is why man invented bowling. For а few i K
thousand dollars you can sponsor a professional bowling team. (Visit local alleys ог : E H
bowling message boards to find teams looking for backing.) Be sure to negotiate to !
receive a percentage of prize monies and, of course, a bowling shirt. i 13.
5222
Commission
> a Sculpture

of Yourself

> Indulge your Napoleonic narcissism
without having to deal with the expense
and hassle of hiring a fine artist to paint an
oil portrait. At the New York showroom of
3-D-printing pioneer MakerBot, have а 3-0.
image of your face scanned in a photo booth
for a mere five bucks. For $60 more, buy the
plastic 3-D version of your head, suitable
for displaying on your fireplace mantel or
hot-gluing to the hood of your car.
makerbot.com

° ВЕСОМЕ А
TECH MOGUL

> Don't let Jeff B h
Justin Timberla nd
Ashton Kutcher have all
the fun of reshaping the
future of technology and
culture. New crowdsourc-
tforms put digital
reneurship within the

accredited "angel" investors

can bankroll start-ups with
growth potential.
microventures.com

APPBACKR Browse mobile-app

Buy a Pet Shark
start-ups and back your

» Every man who has ever secretly identified with a James Bond villain has avontes little as $30.
dreamed of making every week shark week at his house. You could, if you were
so inclined, spend tens of thousands of dollars on a full-size hammerhead shark
and a massive custom-built MTV Cribs-worthy tank. But an impressive (and less
endangered) three-foot-long bamboo cat shark and a plug-and-play 250-gallon Bill Gates.
E saltwater aquarium will set back budding Dr. Evils a cool $3,000.

appbackr.com

Write That
Book

> Sure, you can wait
until you retire to
chronicle your life’s
exploits in a memoir or
thinly veiled novel, but
in today’s confessional
digital culture there’s no
moment like now. Below
are ways to do it, from
the traditional route to
the easiest.

SSSSS
WORKSHOP Quit your job and
apply to the University of
Iowa Writers’ Workshop.
Tuition: $26,000

$$$
SELF-PUBLISH Amazon’s
CreateSpace service sets
up authors with Kindle,
print-on-demand and
audiobook distribution.
Base price: $4,500

PLAY THE VIDEO GAME
Practice your chops
in the video game The
Novelist, in which you—
that’s right—try to write
a novel.

Price: $15

17. OPEN A RESTAURANT

> Despite the well-known fact that most restaurants are doomed to
fail, legions of men with Top Chef fantasies remain undeterred. If you

are one of those dreamers, consider a realistic first attempt—one that
won't leave you saddled with a building lease and a vast wine cellar
that needs to be unloaded at auction. Try your hand at running a food
truck for a more manageable taste of hell's kitchen. Los Angeles-based
Road Stoves will set you up with a truck and marketing and promotion
services and will even help you dial in a concept. roadstoves.com

Buy an
Island

> The adage that no man
is an island may be true,

Join the Jet Set but there's no stopping

aman from buying an

island all for himself. For
> You used to have to be a Fortune 500 CEO or a studio head to skip the price of a top-of-the-

line Hyundai you can buy à
one-acre island off Maine,
à beachy slice of Belize or a
Nova Scotian redoubt. Buy
an iPhone solar charger

the insults of modern air travel and fly on a private jet. Thanks to the
minds behind Uber, the revolutionary car-service app, you can now use
their new aviation equivalent. BlackJet takes advantage of deadheads
(empty seats) on underutilized aircraft to offer fliers the private-jet
experience for the price of a full-fare first-class ticket. A jet may not

offer lay-flat seats and warm Brazil nuts, but the pleasure of leaving the | and start putting together
hoi polloi behind in the security line is priceless. blackjet.com E that desert-island playlist.
privateislandsonline.com

» The golden age of travel is far behind us, but a
little-known network of luxury train cars straight out
of Murder on the Orient Express —think Tchaikovsky-
playing pianists and fine china in the dining car—is
out there for men willing to pay. Thanks to Private
Rail Cars, meticulously restored railcars with names
such as Northern Dreams, Majestic Imperator and
Golden Eagle Trans-Siberian Express can be rented
and hitched to commercial trains in the U.S. and
Europe for an unforgettable adventure in the way
travel ought to be. privaterailcars.net

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“I find I dont hate myself in the morning if I have something important to do, like making a big bank deposit."

RHAPSODY

HOT AND WILD WITH FREE SPIRIT MISS NOVEMBER

PHOTOGRAPHY BY SASHA EISENMAN

have a totally mellow bohemian side I inherited

from my parents,” says New Zealand-born Los

Angeles transplant Gemma Lee Farrell. “I con-

fess: I’m an unconventional girl who loves to
party and get naked.” Sounds like our kind of woman.
Our scouts have been smitten with this exuberant bru-
nette ever since she won an Australian Playboy Golf
beauty contest five years ago. Gemma has built a suc-
cessful modeling career in the interim; her credits
include a contract with Dreamgirl lingerie company
and a long-term affiliation with Monster Energy. She's
become one of the most recognizable babes in action
sports thanks to her presence at the energy drink’s
supercross, motocross and skateboard events. “Those

months-long Monster tours have given me a reputation
as a good-time party girl,” she says. PLAYBOY reconnected
with Gemma after seeing her photos on Instagram.
For her Playmate pictorial, we chose a spot in Califor-
nia’s Topanga Canyon with wild views of the Pacific; we
wanted to emphasize her free-spirited nature. “When
I got to the shoot I was shocked at how the few clothes
I'd be wearing so reflected that side of me,” she says.
“Its what I wear when I'm in New Zealand, when I
go back to being a small-town girl hanging out in dive
bars, running after sheep and spearing fish in the river.”
Then with a laugh she adds, “Remember what I said
about being naked and partying? You can apply that
to the hippie Playmate part of myself too!” Count on it.

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BIRTH рате: {15/1968 _ BIRTHPLACE: Pio ongia, New Zealand
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“Hitting the slopes
in New Zealand.

PLAYBOY’S PARTY JOKES

Two guys were in a bar during the Thanks-
giving break from college. After a few drinks
one said to the other, “Since you went off to
school Гуе been fucking your mother’s brains
out every night!”

The second one responded, “I think you’ve
had enough to drink, Dad.”

А man stormed up to his wife and announced,
“Tonight you’re going to prepare me а
gourmet dinner, and then we’re going to have
the kind of exotic sex I have always wanted.
And tomorrow, guess who will be dressing and
grooming me.”

She replied, “The funeral director.”

My wife treats me like a king,” a man told his
friend. “She prepares me extravagant meals
and pampers me at every turn.”

“Oh yeah?” the second man said. “My wife
treats me like a god—she takes very little notice
of me until she wants something.”

What is the national language of the United
States of America?
Third-grade English.

Senator,” a Washington aide called out to
his boss, “there’s someone on the phone who
wants to know what you plan to do about the
abortion bill.”

The senator responded, “Tell her ГИ have a
check in the mail by the morning.”

Wives are whimsical creatures. They don't
have sex with their husbands for weeks, and
then they want to kill any woman who does.

Hearing suggestive noises coming from his
son’s bedroom, a father knocked on the door
and asked the boy if he was entertaining a lady.

“I don't know,” the kid responded. “Let me
ask her.”

A man went into a сору shop апа began to
chat up the beautiful blonde salesgirl behind
the counter. “By the way,” he asked, “do you
keep stationery?”

“I try to,” the girl replied, “but at the last
second I go fucking crazy!”

The trouble with political jokes is that some-
times they get elected.

A cocky young man was about to make love to
his newest conquest when the woman whispered,
“Please be gentle—I have a weak heart.”

"Don't worry,” the young man replied. “ГИ
be careful when I get in that far."

A policeman pulled over a driver who had
been swerving on the highway. The cop asked,
"Any drugs or alcohol tonight?"

"No," the driver replied. "I have my own."

Ive reviewed your case very carefully and have
decided to give your ex-wife $500 a week,” a
judge declared to a man at a divorce hearing.

“That’s more than fair,” the man admitted.
“ГЇЇ even try to kick in some of my own money
from time to time.”

What's the definition of embarrassment?
Running into a wall with an erection and
breaking your nose first.

Michael Douglas sparked a firestorm when
he claimed he caught throat cancer by giving
oral sex to his wife. Is this a sound medical
diagnosis, or is Douglas just the latest Democrat
to blame everything on Bush?

í<

| have a date with the quarterback,” a coed
told her roommate.

“Oh wow,” the roommate said. “I went out
with him once last semester.”

“Only once?” the first asked. “How did it go?”

“Well, I wore a brand-new dress and he
brought me roses,” said the roommate. “He
took me to a chic restaurant and kept ordering
bottles of champagne. Then he took me back to
his car, ripped off my dress and was a complete
animal. He had his way with me three times.”

“Goodness gracious,” the first said. “So
you're telling me I shouldn't go?”

“No,” the second said, “I'm warning you to
wear an old dress.”

Send your jokes to Playboy Party Jokes, 9346
Civic Center Drive, Beverly Hills, California
90210, or by e-mail to jokes@playboy.com.
PLAYBOY will pay $100 to the contributors whose
submissions are selected.

“Trust те. Где never felt about other guys the way I feel about you.”

THE STAR OF `
THE WIRE,
LUTHER AND

MANDELA TALKS |

ABOUT FIGHTING
HIS WAY TO THE
TOP, WHY DJS
GET THE GIRLS,
HOW TO MODIFY
YOUR ACCENT
TO FIT ANY SITU-
ATION AND WHY
HE REFUSED TO
WATCH HIMSELF
ON THE BEST
SHOW ОМ ТУ

PLAYBOY: You were a working actor in
London before you moved to New York
and had some rough years prior to The
Wire. How bad did it get?

ELBA: It was a wickedly tough time. I
lived in a van for about three months. It
was a gold and brown Astro with brown
velour seats. I was going through a
tough time with my then wife, and the
money I made under the table as a DJ
went to make sure she was okay. Га had

three or four years of unemployment,
not getting acting jobs. I was watching
Denzel Washington and Wesley Snipes
and saying, “I can do that. I can be right
there with them.” My wife was about
eight and a half months pregnant by the
time I got the news I was going to be on
The Wire. If I didn't get it, I was going to
leave the U.S. We knew that if I didn't
have acting work after my daughter was
born we would be up shit street.

PLAYBOY: Do you think the hard
knocks you took in those four years gave
you a better understanding of Stringer |
Bell and The Wire?

ELBA: Yes. People I'd been raised with in
London made money as а hustle, whether `
it was drugs or being a pool shark. Flash |
drug dealers went to jail, cool drug dealers
didn’t. I had that embedded in my system
since I was a kid. My iara oca dari
We'd go to pubs and he'd pretend he

didn’t know how to play,

and win. The point is, Stri

my system. And when I got to America,
I understood what was happening in
the hood. I lived in Jersey City, which is
a rough neighborhood, and in Flatbush
for a while. That was my preparation
for the role. [pauses] By the way, you
know I’ve never watched The W

Q3
PLAY It's a good show. You
should watch it sometime.
ELBA: I've seen a full episode at
screenings but never at home. I've
never watched an entire season. I've
not seen any episode of season two,
most of season three and none of
seasons four and five. I'm supercriti-
cal of my own work. As an actor, if
you're being told how wonderful you
are, what do you need to strive for? I
don't know if I'm good just because
some critic says I am in the press.

Q4
PLAYBOY: So we shouldn’t tell you
how good you are?

ELBA: [Smiles] The Golden Globe
award told me that, thanks. And the
two Emmy nominations. Just the
small things.

Q5
PLAYBOY: You've often referred
to yourself as an East London boy.
What does that mean in terms of
your personalit;
ELBA: In the
London, if you

ve got a bit of a mouth, a gift of
the gab, you’re wheeling and dealing.
formed by that. East
Londoners speak cockney—if you’re
born within a three-mile radius of
the Bow Bells, then you’re cockney.
"That's typically what my accent is,
but it depends on who I'm talking to.
Today I did a BET show and was like,
“Yo, man, what up? How you feelin’,
bro?” I'm a bit of a parrot.

Q6
PLAYBOY: Tonight you're a guest
on David Letterman's show. Will you

Elba in the title role in
Mandela: Long Walk to
Freedom (top), with co-star
David O'Hara on the BBC cult
hit Luther (middle) and in the
part that made him famous:
Stringer Bell on The Wire.

consciously speak in a more Ameri-
can accent?
ELBA: [Holds up а pint] It depends
on how many glasses of Guinness I
smoke down before then. 1 tell a bet-
ter story in а cockney accent—I'm
more cheeky, there's more eyewin
and finger-pointing—but I’m always
worried people don't understand
wi ы т ing. East London lan-

y and laid-back.

American. When I hear people from
Brooklyn, I can understand how they
make those sounds, because my ac-
cent is similar. Our tongues work the
same way.

Q7
PLAYBOY: When you were a kid in
London you were sent to an all-boys
school. Was it a punishment?
ELBA: It felt like punishment. My
parents moved, and they signed
me up for the nearest school to our
house. It was lunchtime, and I asked,
“So do the girls eat in a separate
building?” (continued on page 132)

"Are you familiar with the 14-story-high club?”

103

FICTION BY
CHUCK PALAHNIUK

THE WAY TO HAPPINESS IS SIMPLE.
ALL YOU NEED TO DO IS PUSH A BUTTON

t was Griffin Wilson who proposed the
| theory of de-evolution. He sat two rows

behind me in Organic Chem, the very
definition, of an evil genius. He was the
first to take the Great Leap

Everybody knows because ”
ding was in the nurse’s office
She was in the other cot, behind a pa-
per curtain, faking her period to get out
of a pop quiz in Perspectives on Eastern
Civ. She said she heard the loud beep! but
didn't think anything of it.!When Tricia
Gedding and the school nurse found
him on his own cot, they thought Griffin
Wilson was the resuscitation doll every-
body uses to practice CPR. He was hardly
breathing, barely moving a muscle. They
thought it was a joke because his wallet
was still clenched between his teeth and
he still had the electrical wires pasted to
either side of his forehead.

His hands were still holding a
Uictionary-size box, still paralyzed, press-
ing a big, red button. Everyone’s seen this
box so often that they hardly recognized it,
but it had been hanging on the office wall:
the defibrillator. That emergency heart

shocker. He must have taken it down and
read the instructions. He simply took the
waxed paper off the gluey parts'and pasted
the electrodes on either side of his tempo-
ral lobes. It’s basically a peel-and-stick lo-
botomy. It’s so easy a 16-year-old can do it.

In Miss Chen's English class, {уе
learned “To be or not to be,” but there's
a big gray area in between. Maybe in
Shakespeare times people only had two
options. Griffin Wilson, he knew the SATS
were just the gateway to a big lifetime of
bullshit. To getting married and going
to college. To paying taxes and trying
to raise a,kid who's not a school shooter.
And Griffin Wilson knew drugs are only a
patch. After drugs, you're always going to
need more drugs.

The problem with being talented and
gifted is sometimes you get too smart. My
uncle Henry says the importance of eating
a good breakfast is because your brain is
still growing. But nobody talks about how,
sometimes, your brain can get just too big:

We're basically big animals, evolved
to break open shells and eat raw oysters,
but now we're (continued on page 134)

ILLUSTRATION BY P-JAY FIDLER

WE ENLISTED THE THREE COOLEST CHEFS
IN THE COUNTRY TO THROW A VERY
SPECIAL DINNER PARTY: A HIGH-LOW TAKE
ON A LUXURIOUS CHAMPAGNE AND CAVIAR
FEAST. WE'LL GIVE YOU THE TIPS,
RECIPES AND KNOWLEDGE TO THROW

PANACC BAPPHANAT OE VA
ASS BACCHANAL OF YOU

OR BETTER OR WORSE, FOOD
knowledge has become a form of
conversational currency. Whether
you pickle your own ramps or seek
out the top taco trucks in sketchy
neighborhoods, you'll find по
shortage of self-proclaimed experts
on all things gustatory. We all know
an annoying foodie—the person
who babbles endlessly about his
last meal of sea urchin with bone
marrow or his latest post on Yelp.
Don't be that guy. Instead, be
the man who throws down in the
kitchen and pours a perfect glass of champagne, all
while making each guest feel as though he or she is

the only person in the room. Actually knowing how
to cook and how to throw a proper dinner party is

what separates the talker from the doer. Everyone

eats. Not everyone dines. The difference? Knowing

how to stage a meal the right way.

Few thingsare more impressive or rewarding than

throwing a great dinner party, but there's a rhythm

to it, a vibe. The dinner should be both personal
and communal. It’s your party and you'll cook
what you want to, but if your offerings don't please
the crowd, what's the point? Vinny Dotolo, Ludo
Lefebvre and Jon Shook know better than anyone
how to feed a group. That's why their restaurant
Irois Mec in Los Angeles is the hottest ticket

PH
MENU

HAND-SERVED
CAVIAR

POTATO CHIPS,
SMOKED CREAM,
CAVIAR

CORN CAKES.
STURGEON,
CAVIAR AND MAPLE
CREAM

HACKLEB.
CAVIAR PIZZA

SCRAMBLED EGGS,
BRIOCHE, CAVIAR

GRILLED RIB EYE

WITH BONE-MARROW

GRAVY, SHALLOTS
AND CAVIAR

PANNA COTTA,
CREME FRAICH
AVIAR

OPPOSITE: Eating caviar right off your skin is the purest
way to taste its essence. ABOVE: Vinny Dotolo, Ludo
Lefebvre and Jon Shook don't need no chef's whites.

(you have to buy one online to grab one of the 24
seats) on the American dining scene. This culinary
supergroup has deep roots in dinner parties.
Dotolo and Shook parlayed their caterers-to-the-

stars status into two of America's best restaurants,

Animal and Son ofa Gun, and Lefebvre's legendary
LudoBites pop-up events cemented his reputation
as one of the world’s top chefs.

To learn how to apply the highest level of culinary

prowess to a house party, we talked the chefs into
throwing one for us. The location: the Hollywood
Hills home of their good friend, producer and
director В.]. Cutler (his credits include The September
Issue, Nashville and the upcoming feature film
Fabulous Nobodies). We secured nearly $10,000 worth
of caviar from topflight brand Petrossian and poured
oceans of Cristal, Roederer and Moét. While the chefs
cooked dinner with effortless ease, we talked them
into spilling their secrets. And it turns out they have
remarkably basic rules for throwing amazing events.
“When I do a party in my house, the most
important thing is to really organize mysel
alon Lefebvre says in his
Lalso want to spend time with

because I’m working
thick French accent.

the guests, so being smart enough to do good food
with less prepping is very important.”

Е;
Y SALTTHE HELL
OUTOFIT

Г If you're going to spend big on richly

marbled rib eye, you wantit to taste its best.
55 The first step is to copiously salt the steaks
on both sides (and the edges) 20 minutes
before you cook them. Use coarse kosher
% salt—itshould look like a sprinkling of
% snow. Pat the steaks dry before
4, Z cooking for a proper sear.

регі)

FOR DINNER PARTY RECIPES, SEE PAGE 150.

TOP ROW: Potato chips with smoked cream and caviar are our kind of chips and dip; Petrossian in the house; the host, producer R.J. Cutler, eats caviar
off the back of his hand. (Trust us: If you haven't tried this, you haven't truly tasted caviar.) MIDDLE ROW: Actress Mircea Monroe digs the caviar pizza;
corn cake with smoked sturgeon, maple cream and caviar; bubbly, but of course. BOTTOM ROW: Caviar ready to be served on the backs of guests’ hands;
Dotolo serves pizza topped with caviar, garlic blossoms, chili oil, egg, red onion and nori; Lefebvre preps potato chips with baby strawberries.

COOK WITH
YOUR HANDS

And we mean that literally. There's по more.

precise ог deft a tool than an impec
pair of hands. Table manne!
of utensils, but you'd bi

make a me:

control and connects them

tothe proces:

rprised how many
food professionals dip their fingers into
sauces, touch cooked food and generally
Itgives them more

ting people together,

ably clean
dictate the us

fri

nds," he says.

spontaneity." Lefebvre also likes var
cautious. ^I want to do a party that's b
he says, “but I'm not going to

Choosing your guests is where it be-
gins. Bringing new and different people
together works for Shook. “I like parties

that come together organically with

m not a big planner.

Sometimes too much anticipation can kill the

but is

ased on put-

For our dinner we invited a motley
crew of writers, producers, party
promoters, actresses and family
friends. The only thing they had in
common was their friendship with
the chefs themselves.

One of the most effective ways
to organize yourself and the menu
is to choose an ingredient and
use it throughout the dinner.
Since decadence is what PLAYBOY
is about, caviar took center stage.
“I usually try to think ofa theme
for the menu, Then
I move on to the guest list and

Shook says.

budget." Coursing your meal

might seem obvious, but it's more
than just spacing out dishes. Like
songs on an album, each dish gets

a chance to shine and the host gets

to be the star. Greet your guests
with a glass of champagne and
have a starter already laid out.
B] Going for decadence is easier
than it sounds as many of the most
indulgent dishes contain ingre-
dients that can be eaten without
cooking. Caviar works especially well. "Caviar

s definitely decadent,
It's
The

rything online.”

off the back of the hand

Shook says. “But you can't buy cheap cavia:

n that there are many level.

similar to wi

пе

cool thing is that you can buy ev
Although caviar is inherently expensive, he warns
‚ Being
creative with everyday ingredients such as fruits and
vegetables is a great way to impress. “A really awe-

not to immediately associate price with luxur)

put Italians and French people in my house, because some vine-ripened tomato presented on the vine can

” Having a group of people be just as pretty and decadent as cavia

they'll fight about socc
who all know one another creates a dynamic much If you want to make the evening special, keep the

sourcing at the highest level. When heading out to

different from mixing and matching. We prefer the
latter. purchase the meats that will be the anchor of your
exclusive tone and provides an opportunity to impress dinner,bypass the shrink-wrapped, prepackaged aisle
te—or, even better, that and get your product from the people who know.

Showing your skills to a new group sets a more

a potential business

ass

gorgeous girl you keep bumping into in the elevator. tart with a local butcher or fishmonger,” says Shook.

CAVIAR CLASS

Originally

eaten

by the
Phoenicians, Romans
and Persians to
improve endurance
and strength, caviar
quickly became the
preferred food of
Russian czars before
spreading worldwide
as a delicacy of royalty.
Today, Petrossian
caviar is the Rolls-
Royce of fish eggs,
and with the brand’s
guidance, we put
together this rundown
of the types of caviar

you can choose to
throw your own over-
the-top dinner party
with confidence.

HACKLEBACK

=> Briny, dry and
strong, American
hackleback fish roe
adds a unique punch to
dishes with other
distinct ingredients
and flavors. This is
why Dotolo chose it for
a pizza topped with red
onion, nori, chili oil
and other ingredients.

ALVERTA
AND TRANS-
MONTANUS

=> These top-of-the-
line caviars are
profoundly smooth and
rich—so much so that
our chefs serve them in
desserts (going so far as
to swap them for the
salt on a salted caramel)
and straight off the
backs of guests’ hands.
They come at a price,
but it’s worth it to taste
the ultimate in
briny-sweet decadence.

OSETRA

=> Fresh and juicy
with fruit and nut
tones, osetra caviar is
extremely versatile
and stands up
perfectly in dishes
whose base contains
mild ingredients such
as scrambled eggs or
sushi rice.

SEVRUGA

=> This caviar is for
those who want a real
smack in the palate

from the sea. Small,
intensely flavored
beads greatly enhance
mild seafood dishes.

SIBERIAN

=> Silky smooth
Siberian caviar’s

melt-in-your-mouth
texture is the perfect
partner for meat,
champagne and
Shook’s favorite, vodka.

FOR THESE CAVIARS
AND MORE, GO TO
PETROSSIAN.COM.

The quickest way to stress out your
guests 15 to stress out in front of them. If
you haven't noticed, the most satisfying

“Go to the store with two
or three different ideas and

restaurants these days have ditched white
tablecloths and embrace:
and open kitchens. In ot

family-style dining

r words, they

really talk to the person to feel comfy. Take this approach to your

get his or her take, For fish
it's smell, and for meat it's
color." Although this plan of
attack may go against your initial
menu ideas, the quality of the product
you'll bring home will be well worth the

effort. Lefebvre agrees. "Don't plan your main dish
until you go to the store and see what is the best,"
he stresses. “I always tell my cooks, “You go hunting
first and then plan the menu."

A decadent dinner party can seem daunting
even for someone who knows his or her way
around a kitchen. Try to remember it's not work;
it's a party. If that mantra doesn't ease your
anxiety, Lefebvre half jokingly suggests more
champagne not only for your guests but for you

as well. "Make sure your guests have more than
enough to drink, and order some cabs to take

them home," he says. "That way, if the food

doesn't turn out, they're not going to remember."

Shook agrees. "Don't make the food too diffi-

cult and out of your reach," he says. "Enjoy the
party." Just
walks by with a tray of transmontanus caviar,

Shook finishes his thought, Dotolo

baby strawberries and perfectly fried homemade
potato chips. With just a hint of sarcasm he adds,
“Or you can make the food way too difficult and
just hide from everybody.”

dinner party and everyone will feel
right at home, no matter how the
evening unfolds

1. Grilled rib eye gets a briny dollop of caviar. 2. Pizza
is punched up with hackleback caviar, garlic blossoms
and other toppings. 3. Krissy Lefebvre, wife of Ludo,
eats caviar like a purist pro. 4. Tools of the trade.
5. Actress Shiri Appleby and husband-chef Jon Shook.
6. Just because its a potato chip doesn’t mean you
can’t serve it on fine china with a crisp white napkin.

BUBBLY
101

THERE’S MORE
TO CHAMPAGNE
THAN SIMPLY
POPPING A CORK

NV, OR
NONVINTAGE

=> This applies to the
vast majority of

champagnes, meaning

producers can rely on
them year after year.

They require

significant skill and
years of reserves to
pull off consistently.

VINTAGE

=> Produced only a
few times each decade,
these can stand on
their own without
blending. Expect to
pay top dollar, but
vintage bubbles are
well worth the price.
Be sure not to drink
them too cold (they
should be served at 52
to 55 degrees, as
opposed to 45 for
nonvintage), otherwise
their distinctive
complexity will be
masked.

ROSÉ

=> With elegant
salmon-pink tones
and sublime richness
and finesse, rosés are
great for stand-alone
enjoyment and pair
well with any food.

BRUT ZERO
OR BRUT
NATURE

=> Very fashionable,
especially among
growers, these
champagnes are
produced without the
usual dosage of sugar,
resulting in bone-dry,
razor-sharp wines
tailor-made for raw,
briny oysters or
hackleback caviar.

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i The арзів рреаг so enticing, filled with the promise of

thrills, joy, human enlightenment. So what exactly is inside?
The dark truth behind today’s drug du jour, molly

BY FRANK OWEN WITH LERA GAVIN

PHOTOGRAPHY BY SATOSHI

чу

Er +=. od

MOLLY TEST NUMBER O.

The mystery powder in the clear
sule cost $10, a dead giveaway it w:
the substance the dope peddler was
claiming it was. Nobody sells the real
deal for that price. Examining it under
the light, one could see yellowish rice-
shaped crystals shifting around inside
the half-filled capsule. It didn't even
look like the genuine article.

“How many do you want?” asked
Fernando, a stubby drug dealer with
chubby hamster cheeks and a neatly
trimmed goatee.

“Just one. Are you sure this is real?”

“Don’t worry, this shit is fire,” he said.

On a drug-fogged night in late
August, I found myself surrounded
by a young crowd at a party in South
Beach. While New Order's “Вше
Monday" played in the background, I
was trying to ignore the loud conver-
sation going on around me so I could
focus on my mission: the hunt for the
magic molecule called molly—the sup-
posedly purer, allegedly more potent
crystalline form of a drug that used
to be called ecstasy (or MDMA). Just
as methamphetamine was nicknamed

114 “tina” to appeal to a more upmarket

crowd, molly is simply ecstasy re-
branded with a cute girl's name, the
better to sell it to a new generation.
Contrary to what many users believe,
molly is not a new drug (night crawlers
were snorting powdered MDMA as far
back as the early 19805), and the form
the drug takes (pills, powder, capsules)
has little bearing on its purity, as I was
about to find out.

Not that I intended to consume the
product. The last time I took what I
was told was pure MDMA, the active
ingredient in molly, it turned out to be
methamphetamine, and I spent an un-
comfortable New Year's Eve grinding
my teeth and twitching like Captain
Jack Sparrow. What I intended to do
was gather samples and test them with
an over-the-counter drug-screening
kit to see what was really being sold as
molly in the pills-and-powder circus
that is Miami Beach's club scene.

The chance to analyze the unknown
substance came a few hours later, at
an afterparty at a friend's apartment
in a high-rise on Washington Avenue.
“Hey, guys, wanna see something
cool?" said my wife, Lera. “Т got
Fernando's molly and Im going
to test it right now to see what's
in it. He said this shit is fire."

Lera pulled out a silver
packet containing a multidrug
screening test, a plastic panel
the size of a credit card that is
commonly used to test urine
samples for illegal chemicals
but has been repurposed by drug
connoisseurs to test the contents
of molly. The best way to gauge
what's in a drug, of course, is to
mail it to a professional laboratory
for a gas chromatography/mass spec-
trometry analysis and then wait for
the results. But some of the chemicals
turning up in molly these days are so
exotic, even the most state-of-the-art
facility can fail to detect all of them. At
least with a portable screening kit you
can find out straightaway if the drug
you've bought contains any MDMA
(though not the amount or its purity).
You can also test for other common
drugs such as cocaine, methamphet-
amine and oxycodone.

Lera walked into the kitchen, where
she opened the molly capsule and
poured the crystals onto a plate. We
could tell by its odor, like that of
contaminated water, that this wasn't
MDMA. Pure molly is generally odor-
less or smells of aniseed, the result
of the sassafras oil used to make the
product. Judging by the distinctive
stench emanating from the powder, it
was most likely some form of synthetic

са топе, the family of chemicals that
includes mephedrone and methylone,
which are better known to the general

public as bath salts.

Lera put about half the contents of
the capsule into a coffee cup, poured
in water and waited for the crystals to
dissolve as her friends looked over her
shoulder. She then tore open the silver
package and placed the drug-testing kit
in the solution. About a minute later,
two pink lines appeared on the cocaine
section of the panel, then two lines for
marijuana and two lines for opiates. It
was negative for all three. A single un-
mistakable line started to appear under
methamphetamine, followed by another
distinct line under MDMA.

“That’s what I thought,” said Lera.
“You see, it came out positive for
methamphetamine and MDMA, which
is what bath salts will come out as on
these tests.”

We concluded
the substance
was probably
mostly synthetic
cathinones.
Dimitri, who
had deejayed the
party a few hours
earlier, offered
his verdict: “Ме
took a bunch of
Fernando’s mol-
lies the other day

and they didn’t have any effect on us.
It’s not like it used to be back in the day.
I can’t believe he’s selling us this shit.”

Over the past two years molly has be-
come the drug of choice for a new gen-
eration. Why molly now? Why all the
fuss about a drug that under different
names has been a dance club staple for
three decades?

There’s certainly no shortage of ref-
erences to the drug on the electronic
dance music scene. One of the most
popular dance hits of the past year
is Miami-based DJ Cedric Gervais’s
“Molly,” which features the robotic
voice of a woman blankly intoning,
“Hi, I am looking for Molly. Do you
know where I can find Molly? She
makes my life happier. More exciting.
She makes me want to dance.” From
Kanye West to Trinidad James to Rick
Ross, molly is portrayed as the happen-
ing drug for the hip-hop crowd. Ross
had to apologize for his seeming advo-
cacy of molly as a date-rape drug in the
song “U.O.E.N.O”: “Put molly all in
her champagne, she ain’t even know
it./I took her home and I enjoyed that,
she ain’t even know it.” (The contro-
versy surrounding the lyric was enough
for Reebok to cancel an endorsement
deal worth millions with the hip-hop
impresario.) (continued on page 147)

A
Graphic by
ROBERT HARKNESS

Hakkasan /
LAS VEGAS

It's a nightclub of only-
on-the-Strip superlatives
such as newest, biggest,
flashiest, priciest. The
highly regarded Cantonese
restaurant is helmed by
Michelin-starred chef Ho
Chee Boon, the lighting
includes mesmerizing lasers

Space /
IBIZA

* On the outskirts
of Ibiza Town, in the
middle of a parking
lot in the Playa
Ч'еп Bossa resort,
is a nightclub
that’s more or less
recognized as an
island institution.
The world’s most
famous DJs drop in
all season long to
play to the huge,

and wall projections,
cocktail tables have
discreet drawers and
iPhone chargers, and
10 jeroboams of Veuve
Clicquot Yellow Label go
for a mere $30,000. Let’s
hope you’re carrying the
company credit card.

multicultural crowd.
The decade-old
Sunday party We
Love Spaceisa
favorite across
the board. And
though there is
an egalitarian
feeling in the air,
VIP treatment
can, of course, be
made available on
request.

Crazy Horse /
PARIS

* For the past
60-plus years,

the slinky Parisian
cabaret classic has
tantalized crowds
with avant-garde,
fanciful, kitschy
and incongruous
performances by a
bevy of gorgeous
dancers wearing
little more than
lights, projections
and Louboutin heels.
Special effects and
specialty cocktails

heighten nude
silhouettes (dancers'
bodies must comply
with founder

Alain Bernardin's
aesthetic criteria),
and guests such

as Victoria's

Secret model
Noémie Lenoir and
burlesque beauty
Dita Von Teese
occasionally join

Le Crazy dancers
onstage to perform
naughty tableaux.

Club der

Visionaere /
No. BERLIN

—— The best afterparty іп
the city happens in a
makeshift venue under a
weeping willow on the banks
of the River Spree. Cool
20-somethings come for
the eclectic vibe, not to
mention the nearly free
entrance fee and lack of
door politics. Pick up a
girl on the tiny dance
floor inside the boathouse,
then walk outside on the
deck and floating docks to
watch the sky as twilight
becomes morning.

Sub Club /
GLASGOW

M.N. Roy /
MEXICO CITY

The Box /
NEW YORK CITY

* Out-of-

towners craving

a debauched
fantasy-Manhattan
club scene—suits,
stilettos, skin,
scandal—may get
their fill at this
miniature gilded
Hammerstein
Ballroom. They'll
also appreciate
the downtown
nightclub's jewel-
box size, excessive
indulgence and

118 Theatre of Varieties:

over-the-top Cirque-
inspired stage acts
of the burlesque,
acrobatic, raunchy
and ridiculous

sort. Impress your
voyeuristic lady
friend by booking

a booth close to
the stage for the
one A.M. show.

Then swing up

to the mezzanine
balustrade for more
champagne and a
bird's-eye view of
the oddities below.

* Scotland's longest-running
dance club can be found
in a basement in the hard-
drinking town of Glasgow.
And because it closes at
three a.m., it's balls to the
wall once the clock strikes
midnight. The Subbie's
fine roster includes local
DJs (Optimo, Slam) who
have become international
heroes on the electronic
dance music scene.

Silencio /
PARIS

* If you arrive before two
A.M. as your charming,
nattily dressed self, you'll
have a chance of getting
in. After that, prepare for a
mob of well-heeled party
people nearly bum-rushing
the door. Every struggle
has its rewards, of course:
The atmosphere inside is
celebratory, the mezcal is
smoky, and the bourgeoisie
is glad to have you.

A spectacular and
somewhat clandestine
venue-at once surreal
and intimate—

has instilled a

new heartbeat in
Parisian nightlife.
The David Lynch—
designed private
club offers
carefully programmed
dining, drinking,
film watching, live-
band spectating and
art-performance
experiencing. Low
lighting and gold
leaf make the high-
fashion crowd even
hotter. Proper
cocktail swilling
builds bravado for
dancing at Social
Club next door.

Golden Pudel /
HAMBURG

Panorama Bar
BERLIN

* It turns out a slapdash building standing in
St. Pauli is the dance floor to be on till the break
of dawn. The space hosts excellent DJs from
x : around the world, ап antiestablishment attitude
= fills the air, and people hit the dance floor—hard.
Once the sun rises and the last of the beers are
cashed, the crowd disperses along the River Elbe.

ai Trouw /
AMSTERDAM

First Avenue /
MINNEAPOLIS

Low End
Theory
LOS ANGELES

= This no-frills-except-
killer-acoustics dance
club has reached landmark
status-thank you, Prince—
since it opened in 1970.
It is so loved by the
people of Minneapolis,
in fact, that when it
faced bankruptcy in 2004,

* The first nightclub in the center. Mixed-genre music, the mayor spearheaded an

city to get a 24-hour permit mixed-use bathrooms, the effort to buy it out. From
t is a massive live-music occasional art exhibition ee

venue and restaurant in and movie screenings i
an old newspaper printing showcase the club's cultural Nails to the excellent
factory. The main dance tendencies. There's a strict weekly Saturday party Too
floor has rainbow lighting door policy, but that makes Much Love, the draw of
and an amphitheater feel, the buildup to getting this downtown danceteria
with the DJ booth front and inside even better. is irresistible.

Skye
Restaurante &
MENT Bossa Nova
Civic Club /

BROOKLYN

I * The latest straight-out-of-Brooklyn
club is this vaguely tropical-themed
hole-in-the-wall. Young, artsy,

PE fashionable Bushwick characters,
rebelling against the mason-jar
cocktail scene, party on with whiskey
and beer as the next generation of
underground music producers kills it in
the DJ booth. The night is young, the
dance floor is sweaty, and everything
is full of promise.

DIVE TIME
* The rubber strap
on this steel dive
watch from Oris is
Cousteau соо! but
will look stylish even
above sea level

ORIS AQUIS DATE
$1650

TRAIN

SPOTTING

* Made in Detroit
and inspired by the
locomotive brake-
men of the 1900s,
this watch features
an alligator strap.

SHINOLA THE
ВКАКЕМАМ, $675

CLOCK DU
RHONE

+ Grandsons of
famous Swiss:watch-
maker Raymond

Weil are behind the
brand that makes this
elegant stainless steel
chronograph:

88 RUE DU.RHONE
CHRONOGRAPH, $700

STYLING BY JOSEPH NERO.

- KORS
STRENGTH

* Style with a dual
purpose: For every
watch sold, Michael
Kors and the United
Nations World Food
A Program will do-
t nate 100 meals to

children in need.

MICHAEL КОК WATCH
HUNGER STOP, $295

TRUE BLUE

* A midnight-blue
leather strap echoes
the blue face on
this sophisticated
sports watch.

TISSOT PRC 200, $525

REAL STEEL

* This classic steel
watch is from the

Ball Watch Company,
which was founded to
make precision time-
pieces for the railways.

BALL CLEVELAND
EXPRESS, $2,700

MODSQUAD

* With a screw cap
protecting its crown
and an oversize case,
this watch is appro-
priately named. The
bright blue silicone
strap adds flair.

TW STEEL CANTEEN
TW500, $275

PHOTOGRAPH Y BY SATOSHI
Selected by Jennifer Ryan Jones А

ver the past few years, photographer Peter Веага has enjoyed а revival
as his distinctive oeuvre has attracted the attention ofa new gener

tion of curators and gall Back in 1985, he went to Africa for

PLAYBOY to shoot the incredible Somali model known as Iman. By that time
Iman was already an established supermodel, having appeared numerous
times in Vogue and Harper's Bazaar. Many of the photos on these pages were
shot at Beard’s Hog Ranch near Nairobi
contemporary artists and photographers is hard to deny.

Beard's influence on a number of

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130

BERNIE SANDERS

(continued from page 62)

I expect that in years to come those re-
ductions will continue. Our focus has to
be on the economic crisis facing the work-
ing families of this country. We need to
address the reality that real unemploy-
ment today is around 14 percent and
higher for young people and minorities.
We need to invest significantly in rebuild-
ing our crumbling infrastructure and
transforming our energy system away
from fossil fuels. When we do that we
make the country more productive, cut
greenhouse gas emissions and create mil-
lions of jobs. We cannot continue to bal-
ance the budget on the backs of the el-
derly, the children, the sick and the poor.
PLAYBOY: Yet people go out every two or
four years and vote for those two parties.
Incumbents keep doing those things, and
they keep getting reelected.

SANDERS: I think a lot of that has to do
with people voting for what they perceive
to be the lesser of two evils. A couple of
years ago, not long after President Obama
was elected, I had the opportunity to be
in the Oval Office with him. What I said
to him—I won't tell you what he said to
me—was “Now is the time not for an-
other Bill Clinton but for an FDR. People
want to know why their standard of living
is going down, why they're getting bat-
tered. They want to know who is respon-
sible, and they want to know what we are
going to do about that.” That's what the
American people want to hear. Why is the
standard of living for the average Ameri-
can going down? Why is the gap between
the rich and the poor getting wider? Why
is Wall Street able to get away with mur-
der? People want to know why.

PLAYBOY: How would you describe the dif-
ferences between FDR and Bill Clinton?
SANDERS: Well, Clinton was and is a very
smart guy, but he is the guy who signed
NAFTA. I like Bill Clinton, I like Hill-
ary Clinton, but they live in a world sur-
rounded by a lot of money. It’s not an
accident that Clinton is doing a fantastic
job with his foundation. Where do you
think that money is coming from? The
point being that Clinton was a moderate
Democrat who was heavily influenced by
Wall Street and big-money interests, and
Obama is governing in that same way.
PLAYBOY: And compared with FDR?
SANDERS: The difference is FDR had the
courage and the good political sense to
understand that in the middle of terrible
economic times the American people
wanted to know what caused their suf-
fering, who was the cause of it, and they
wanted somebody to take these guys on,
so he was very aggressive in his rheto-
ric in taking on the money interests. He
said, “Of course they’re going to hate me,
and I welcome their hatred. I’m with the
working people of America. We're going
to take on the money interests, and we
are going to create jobs through a vari-
ety of government programs.” If you’re

prepared to deal with class issues, as Roo-
sevelt did, if you’re prepared to take on
the big-money interests, you can rally the
American people, and I think you can
marginalize the Republicans.

PLAYBOY: Do you have a favorite Republi-
can, dead or alive?

SANDERS: Abraham Lincoln, of course.
George Aiken, a former governor and
senator of Vermont, was a smart and
progressive politician. Teddy Roosevelt
fought to break up big corporations.
Eisenhower warned us about the
military-industrial complex and built
the interstate highway system. One of
the great tragedies of today’s politics is
that the Republican Party is now a right-
wing extremist party in which none of
these leaders would be welcome.
PLAYBOY: What is the importance of man-
ufacturing jobs? What's the matter with
service-sector jobs?

SANDERS: That's a good question. First, we
know that historically, in terms of wages,
service-industry jobs—McDonald's,
Walmart—pay significantly less than man-
ufacturing. Often in the past those were
unionized jobs.

PLAYBOY: And McDonald's is not union-
ized. That's the fundamental difference,
isn’t it?

SANDERS: So you're arguing if McDon-
ald's workers were organized tomor-
row and were paid $20 an hour, what's
the difference? The answer is, Га like to
see that. There is something psychologi-
cally important about being able to say,
“Т created this product,” whether it's an
automobile or a table. Do I want to see
McDonald's workers make a living wage?
Absolutely. Is that important? It’s enor-
mously important. Should we organize
them, unionize them? Absolutely. But 1
think it says something about a society if it
is capable of producing the goods it con-
sumes rather than just importing them.
PLAYBOY: Where do you stand on
immigration?

SANDERS: Look, my dad came to this
country as an immigrant.

PLAYBOY: He was only 17 when he came,
correct?

SANDERS: From Poland, without a nickel
in his pocket. It was difficult. 1 mean, he
came here, as many immigrants do, with-
out any money and didn't know how to
speak the language. He had maybe one
or two relatives here. He started from the
bottom. He never made much money,
but he was a proud American who appre-
ciated the opportunities this country gave
him and never forgot that. The ultra-
conservative or libertarian types say we
shouldn't have any rules. If capital needs
labor, bring them in. Let them get the
cheapest possible labor. I think we need
a sane immigration policy, and the life-
blood of this country is immigration. But
that doesn't mean open the doors and say
to a black kid who can't find a job, “Hey,
we're going to bring in people to work for
lower wages than you would.”

PLAYBOY: When you talk about America,

you don't often talk about American ex-
ceptionalism, saying we have the great-
est workers in the world. That's different
from most politicians.
SANDERS: We are largely a nation ofimmi-
grants, with people from all over the world
coming to this country. We have from our
earliest days held democratic values. We
rejected early on the class nature of Eu-
rope, believed in social mobility regard-
less of where you were born. Those are all
extraordinary virtues of this country that
we should be very proud of. I think we
have a lot to be proud of. Do 1 think we
were born superior to the folks in Mexico
or Canada, that God somehow stopped at
the border? No, 1 don't think that.
PLAYBOY: The country has moved rapidly
to a different view on gay marriage. In
10 years will the country look back and
wonder what all the fuss was about?
SANDERS: Absolutely. There has been a
huge societal transformation on this is-
sue. Today, state legislatures all over the
country are passing gay marriage bills—
and hardly anybody cares. For younger
people it is totally a nonissue.
PLAYBOY: Vermont has quite a few gun
owners. How do you position yourself
on the debates regarding gun ownership
and restrictions?
SANDERS: Vermont does have many gun
owners who enjoy hunting, target shoot-
ing and other gun-related activities. But
most people in Vermont understand
that as a nation we must do everything
we can to end the horror of mass killings
we have seen in Newtown, Connecticut;
Aurora, Colorado; Blacksburg, Virginia;
Tucson, Arizona and other American
communities. Clearly, there is no single
or simple solution to this crisis. While
the legislation [to expand background
checks] recently brought forth in the
Senate would by no means have solved
all our gun-violence problems, it would
have been a step forward, and that's why
I voted for that legislation.
PLAYBOY: Does the public care all that much
about the issues you're passionate about?
SANDERS: If you go out and talk to people
and say, “Hey, the Celtics beat the Knicks
last night. Let's talk about that, or let's
talk about the football game,” that's part
of the vernacular. If you say to somebody,
“What are you doing to try to improve life
for the middle class?” they'll look at you
as if you’re crazy. “What are you talking
about? What am I supposed to do? Гуе
got a job, I’m working 50 hours a week.”
Or “I don't have a job. I’m unemployed.
I'm knocking my brains out trying to find
work, taking care of my kids.” The idea
that collective action can improve our
quality of life and make gains for work-
ing families—I don't think that's part of
people's worldview.

Let me tell you a story outside of school.
I go to the Democratic caucuses every
week, and every week there is a report
about fund-raising—Republicans have
raised thus and thus; this is what we have
done. In the six years Гуе been going to

- 2
»
С `

£
ке

“When the dollar goes down, I don’t like it.... When the market goes down,
I don't like it.... But you, Jennifer...!”

PLAYBOY

132

those meetings, 1 have never heard five
minutes of discussion about organizing. It’s
about raising money. Not five minutes to
say, “Look, West Virginia, we have rallies,
we're doing this, we're doing that, we're
knocking on doors.” In six years, I have
heard no discussion about that at all.
PLAYBOY: Why is the hatred of Obama so
extreme from some quarters? Is that a
function of race or ideology or both?
SANDERS: The hatred of Obama is extreme,
and itis frightening. There is no question
race is one of the factors behind that ha-
tred, but it is not race alone. Today mil-
lions of Americans get all their political
information from right-wing media outlets
that have totally distorted the reality of
who Obama is and what he stands for. That
is one of the reasons so many right-wing
Republicans were shocked at the election
results. In their world it was impossible to
believe anyone would support Obama.
PLAYBOY: People just seem to think the
system doesn't work for them, whether
they're in the Tea Party or on the left.
SANDERS: The system doesn't work for
them. I think they're exhausted.

PLAYBOY: Are we stuck with the two-party
system?

SANDERS: There's no question there is a
massive amount of cynicism and displeasure
toward our current political system and
Republicans and Democrats. Clearly most
people vote for one or another party not
because they strongly believe in the goals
of that party but because they see it as the
lesser of two evils. Having said that, no one
should underestimate the enormous diffi-
culty of creating a broad-based third party
that speaks to the needs of working fami-
lies. That party in all likelihood would have
to be organized through the trade union
movement and its millions of members.
PLAYBOY: Many of your hardcore support-

ers are urging you to run for president in
2016. Are you considering it?

SANDERS: Well, the answer is that to run a
serious campaign, you need to raise hun-
dreds and hundreds of millions of dollars.
That's number one, and I don't think —
PLAYBOY: Barack Obama proved candi-
dates can raise money.

SANDERS: Obama went to his friends on
Wall Street the first time around.

PLAYBOY: That's true, but he still raised a
fair amount of money in small donations.
SANDERS: Yeah, but I’m not Barack Obama.
That's the point. I do not take corporate
money. I think people are hungering for a
voice out there. It would be tempting to try to
raise issues and demand discussion on issues
that are not being talked about: inequality in
wealth and trade policy, protecting the social
safety net, moving aggressively on global
warming. Those issues are not being talked
about, and it would be tempting, but....
PLAYBOY: Hillary Clinton will probably be
the Democratic nominee. Does that offer
an alternative to the country?

SANDERS: No, it does not.

PLAYBOY: Are you absolutely ruling out
running for president, 100 percent?
SANDERS: Absolutely? 100 percent? Cross
my heart? Is there a stack of Bibles some-
where? Look, maybe it’s only 99 percent. I
care a lot about working families. I care a
lot about the collapse of the American mid-
dle class. I care a lot about the enormous
wealth and income disparity in our coun-
try. I care a lot that poverty in America is
near an all-time high but hardly anyone
talks about it. I realize running for presi-
dent would be a way to shine a spotlight
on these issues that are too often in the
shadows today. [pauses] But I am at least 99
percent sure I won't.

“I hate this guy...he always has to thaw it out first!”

IDRIS ELBA

(continued from page 102)

And the teacher said, “Son, this is a boys’
school.” I was mortified. But there were
loads of girls in the neighborhood. Trust
me, I wasn’t short of girls.

PLAYBOY: At 14 you started hanging around
with your uncle, who deejayed at sound
system parties. What did you like about
being part of DJ culture?

ELBA: My uncle played a lot of Nigerian
songs, which were often 16 minutes long.
Nigerian vinyls were thick like doormats.
I think he played them so he could dance
longer with the ladies. My cousins and
I were gagging to just touch the turnta-
bles. I got into the world of pirate radio,
which was illegal, and sound systems,
which was sort of a heated atmosphere,
with one sound system clashing with the
other, so I didn’t spread the news to my
parents about that. They were very strict,
and I didn’t want to get in trouble. I was
my mum’s only child, so she was very
protective of me.

PLAYBOY: As a father, are you more like your
mom or your dad?

ELBA: More like my mum, believe it or not.
Man, what's that about? I'm very protec-
tive of my daughter and who she hangs out
with. Same stuff my mum used to do, when
I'd tell her, "Mum, relax." [laughs] You can
drive yourself nuts as a parent, thinking
about what boys do and what I got up to as
a kid. If my kid got up to that same stuff,
I'd be horrified.

PLAYBOY: When теке spending time in
London clubs, did you take ecstasy?

ELBA: Drug culture is a big part of the
house music scene that I deejay now.
Loads of DJs get smashed. But then you
end up playing shitty music. At first I by-
passed drugs. I didn’t start smoking weed
until later in life. Am I allowed to say that?
I mean, I'm not gonna lie—I've tried ev-
erything, just between you, me and the
people who read this magazine. Гуе tried
it all. I played one of the biggest drug
dealers in the world on TV, so you think
Га know what I was talking about.

11
PLAYBOY: You’re de a rapper. This lyric
from “Sex in Your Dreams” is particularly
interesting: “Bone-hard diamond cutter,
dick thick like homemade butter.”
ELBA: You have been listening. [laughs]

012
PLAYBOY: “Show you parts of your pussy
that you ain’t discovered.” Has your
mom heard the song?
ELBA: When it’s read back to me like that,
I'm mortified that such trife could come
out of my mind. [laughs] Let me tell you,
some fans hate it, some love it, some can’t
stand the idea that I’ve got the audacity

to rap. But under the guise of being a
rapper, I can say what the fuck I want,
and until some journalist reads it back to
me, I’m getting away scot-free. Maybe ГИ
go on Letterman tonight, saying, “Hey, my
dick’s as thick as butter.”

PLAYBOY: On the ea BBC show Luther,
which recently aired its third season, you
play a badass reckless cop. The author Neil
Cross, who created Luther, describes him
as “a feral Columbo and a bookish Dirty
Harry fighting in a sack.” Why does Luther
do so many stupid things?

ELBA: He doesn’t care about the mayhem
he leaves behind. We're going for escap-
ism. It’s well-done, it’s well-shot, it feels like
a quality British drama. But let's be hon-
est: Men have been slapped on the wrist
for a long time for being too manly. The
days of the gruff “Fuck you, I’m going to
tell you how I feel” kind of man have gone.
Luther is escapism for people who miss that
type. He goes for the bad guy and doesn’t
apologize while he’s doing it. The Guardian
called Luther one of the daftest shows on
ТУ, and that made me laugh so much. It
has ridiculous plotlines.

PLAYBOY: Would sim to be as gruff and
fuck-you as Luther?

ELBA: In real life I'm a shy person. As soon
as the spotlight's on me, I feel awkward.
Idris feels like he doesn't have much to of-
fer. That's why I end up plowing myself
into these characters. With Luther I get to
play a guy who can be grumpy all day long
and doesn't give a fuck about it. I'm not
allowed to be that grumpy! As an actor I
have to be friendly and super-accessible.

15
PLAYBOY: At the "m. of seeming obsessed
with your song, would a guy who's truly
shy sing about having a thick dick?
ELBA: Those are the words of a shy man
putting on a rap persona. Did you see the
video for that song? No, because there isn't

one. I'm really fucking serious; I’m a shy
man. I'm great at hiding in characters.
When I deejay, I'm great at standing be-
hind the turntables. If I go to a club, I'm
awkward. Should I stand there? Should I
dance? You're not going to see me dance. I
end up standing by the DJ.

Q16
PLAYBOY: When you took the role of
Nelson Mandela in the film Mandela: Long
Walk to Freedom, you said it was important
to figure out what kind of man he was. So
who was he?

ELBA: This is one of the most courageous
and selfless men you're ever going to
meet. If I said to you, "Listen, there's a
whole generation of people who are suf-
fering, and if you give up 27 years of
your life and spend that time in prison,
you could help them," the likelihood is
you'd say, "No, I'm all right. I'm kind
of comfortable here." What I found out
from him is, he was that guy. "Hey, ask
the next guy. I'm good." The film looks
at his younger life, and it's interesting
because the audience knows where he's
going to end up. You don't want the film
to be shoveling shit down your throat
about Mandela, good or bad things. It's
not propaganda.

17
PLAYBOY: What was E biggest challenge of
playing him?
ELBA: The difficult part was inventing
who he was as a young man, when no-
body knew him. I'm five shades darker
than he is, so the audience is going to be
challenged by the fact that I don't look
like him. When I played him as an older
man, with prosthetics, there was more of
the Mandela we know, and I could hide
behind the costume. I had to wear a wig
for a lot of the film. I admire actors like
Daniel Day-Lewis who do only so many
films and are unrecognizable because they
plow into a character. That's a lane where
I think I'm going to end up, and Mandela
takes me closest to that.

т WOULD LIKE
SANTA TATTOOED
ON THE INSIDE OF
ONE THIGH AND A
TURKEY INSIDE THE
OTHER.

OUT OF ARTISTIC
CURIOSITY WHY
DO You WANT
THESE HERE?

MY HUSBAND
COMPLAINS EVERY
YEAR THATTHERES

018
PLAYBOY: You had some great episodes
on The Office as Charles Miner. When he
shows up at Dunder Mifflin it’s almost
as if he’s disgusted at how stupid the
employees are.

ELBA: Miner was a prick. I was really fuck-
ing excited to do that show. I wanted to
be funny. I was going to do my impres-
sion of Ricky Gervais and use all these
weird English expressions you've never
seen a black man use. Then the produc-
ers decided they wanted me to play the
character as an American. Shit. I was so
disappointed, because it was my chance
to be funny. Instead, Miner was the
straight guy—to the point where he was
a bit unlikable.

PLAYBOY: Your ж. usually on the lists
of the most beautiful people and the sexi-
est men alive. How does that attention
change your love life?

ELBA: Look, when I wasn't on TV or in
films, I didn’t get any special attention
when I went out. Some beautiful people
always attract attention. I didn’t until I got
on television. So I’m on these lists only be-
cause I'm on TV.

Q20

PLAYBOY: But what about in real life?
Has stardom changed your relationships
with women?

ELBA: It happens to me all the time, still.
ГИ sit in a pub and nobody will recognize
me. I might see an attractive woman, but
she doesn't recognize me, so I'm not get-
ting any love. Then one person goes, "Oh,
it's you," and suddenly they all overhear
and start asking questions. It's bullshit.
I've been in and out of relationships, I've
been married, and it's hard to keep a re-
lationship when you're an actor. A girl I
knew said to me, "My dad told me, ‘Never
date an actor or a DJ.'" It was over, right
there on the spot. I was fucked.

SO I THOUGHT
т WOULD GIVE HIM
SOMETHING GOOD
TO EAT BETWEEN
THE HOLIDAYS.

NO GOOD FOOD IN
THE HOUSE AFTER
THANKSGIVING
OR BEFORE
CHRISTMAS.

PLAYBOY

134

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ZOMBIE

(continued from page 105)
expected to keep track of all 300 Kar-
dashian sisters and 800 Baldwin brothers.
Seriously, at the rate they reproduce the
Kardashians and the Baldwins are going to
wipe out all other species of humans. The
rest of us, you and me, we're just evolution-
ary dead ends waiting to wink out.

You could ask Griffin Wilson anything.
Ask him who signed the Treaty of Ghent.
He'd be like that cartoon magician on TV
who says, "Watch me pull a rabbit out of
my head." Abracadabra, and he'd know
the answer. In Organic Chem, he could
talk string theory until he was anoxic, but
what he really wanted to be was happy. Not
just not sad, he wanted to be happy the
way a dog is happy. Not constantly jerked
this way and that by flaming instant mes-
sages and changes in the federal tax code.
He didn't want to die either. He wanted to
be—and not to be—but at the same time.
"That's what a pioneering genius he was.

The principal of student affairs made
Tricia Gedding swear to not tell a living
soul, but you know how that goes. The
school district was afraid of copycats. Those
defibrillators are everywhere these days.

Since that day in the nurse's office,
Griffin Wilson has never seemed happier.
He's always giggling too loud and wiping
spit off his chin with his sleeve. The spe-
cial ed teachers clap their hands and heap
him with praise just for using the toilet.
Talk about a double standard. The rest of
us are fighting tooth and nail for whatever
garbage career we can get, while Griffin
Wilson is going to be thrilled with penny
candy and reruns of Fraggle Rock for the
rest of his life. How he was before, he was
miserable unless he won every chess tour-
nament. The way he is now, just yesterday,
he took out his dick and jerked off on the
school bus. And when Mrs. Ramirez pulled
over and left the driver's seat to chase him
down the aisle he shouted, "Watch me pull
a rabbit out of my pants," and he squirted
come on her uniform shirt. He was laugh-
ing the whole time.

Lobotomized or not, he still knows the
value ofa signature catchphrase. Instead of
being just another grade grubber, now he's
the life of the party.

The voltage even cleared up his acne.

It's hard to argue with results like that.

It wasn't a week after he'd turned zom-
bie that Tricia Gedding went to the gym
where she does Zumba and got the defibril-
lator off the wall in the girls' locker room.
After her self-administered peel-and-stick
procedure in a bathroom stall, she doesn't
care where she gets her period. Her best
friend, Brie Phillips, got to the defibrilla-
tor they keep next to the bathrooms at the
Home Depot, and now she walks down
the street, rain or shine, with no pants on.
We're not talking about the scum of the
school. We're talking about class presi-
dent and head cheerleader. The best and
the brightest. Everybody who played first
string on all the sports teams. It took every
defibrillator between here and Canada, but
since then, when they play football nobody

plays by the rules. And even when they get
skunked, they're always grinning and slap-
ping high fives.

They continue to be young and hot, but
they no longer worry about the day when
they won't be.

It's suicide, but it's not. The newspaper
won't report the actual numbers. Newspa-
pers flatter themselves. Anymore, Tricia
Gedding's Facebook page has a larger read-
ership than our daily paper. Mass media,
my foot. They cover the front page with un-
employment and war, and they don't think
that has a negative effect? My uncle Henry
reads me an article about a proposed
change in state law. Officials want a 10-day
waiting period on the sale of all heart de-
fibrillators. They're talking about manda-
tory background checks and mental health
screenings. But it's not the law, not yet.

My uncle Henry looks up from the news-
paper article and eyes me across breakfast.
He levels me this stern look and asks, “If all
your friends jumped off a cliff, would you?"

My uncle's what I have instead of a mom
and dad. He won't acknowledge it, but there's
a good life over the edge of that cliff. There's
a lifetime supply of handicapped parking
permits. Uncle Henry doesn't understand
that all my friends have already jumped.

They may be “differently abled,” but
my friends are still hooking up. More than
ever, these days. They have smoking-hot
bodies and the brains of infants. They
have the best of both worlds. LeQuisha
Jefferson stuck her tongue inside Hannah
Finermann during Beginning Carpentry
Arts, made her squeal and squirm right
there, leaned up against the drill press.
And Laura Lynn Marshall? She sucked off
Frank Randall in the back of International
Cuisine Lab with everybody watching. All
their falafels got scorched, and nobody
made a federal case out of it.

After pushing the red defibrillator but-
ton, yeah, a person suffers some conse-
quences, but he doesn't know he's suffer-
ing. Once he undergoes a push-button
lobotomy a kid can get away with murder.

During study hall, I asked Boris Declan
if it hurt. He was sitting there in the lunch-
room with the red burn marks still fresh
on either side of his forehead. He had his
pants down around his knees. I asked if the
shock was painful, and he didn't answer,
not right away. He just took his fingers out
of his ass and sniffed them, thoughtfully.
He was last year's junior prom king.

In a lot of ways he's more chill now than
he ever was. With his ass hanging out in
the middle of the cafeteria, he offers me a
sniff and I tell him, "No, thank you."

He says he doesn't remember anything.
Boris Declan grins this sloppy, dopey smile.
He taps a dirty finger to the burn mark on
one side of his face. He points this same
butt-stained finger to make me look across
the way. On the wall where he's pointing is
this guidance counselor poster that shows
white birds flapping their wings against a
blue sky. Under that are the words ACTUAL
HAPPINESS ONLY HAPPENS BY ACCIDENT printed
in dreamy writing. The school hung that
poster to hide the shadow of where another
defibrillator used to hang.

t
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ч» жт йені ee NEC. айы:

It's clear that wherever Boris Declan
ends up in life it's going to be the right
place. He's already living in brain trau-
ma nirvana. The school district was right
about copycats.

No offense to Jesus, but the meek won't
inherit the earth. To judge from reality TV
the loudmouths will get their hands on
everything. And I say, let them. The Kar-
dashians and the Baldwins are like some
invasive species. Like kudzu or zebra mus-
sels. Let them battle over the control of the
crappy real world.

For a long time I listened to my uncle
and didn't jump. Anymore, I don't know.
The newspaper warns us about terrorist
anthrax bombs and virulent new strains of
meningitis, and the only comfort newspa-
pers can offer is a coupon for 90 cents off
on underarm deodorant.

To have no worries, no regrets—it's
pretty appealing. So many of the cool kids
at my school have elected to self-fry that,
anymore, only the los left. The los-
ers and the naturally occurring pinheads.
The situation is so dire that I'm a shoo-in
to be valedictorian. That's how come my
e off. He thinks
vin Falls he can

So we're sitting at the airport, waiting by
the gate for our flight to board, and I ask
to go to the bathroom. In the men's room I
pretend to wash my hands so I can look in
the mirror. My uncle asked me, one time,
why I looked in mirrors so much, and I
told him it wasn't vanity so much as it was
nostalgia. Every mirror shows me what
little is left of my parents.

ng my mom’s smile. People
tice their smiles nearly enough,
so when they most need to look happy
they're not fooling anyone. I'm rehears-
ing my smile when—there it is: my ticket to
a gloriously happy future working in fast
food. That's opposed to a miserable lif
a world-famous architect or heart surge

Hovering over my shoulder and a smid-
gen behind me, it's reflected in the mirror.
Like the bubble containing my thoughts in
а comic-strip panel, there's a cardiac defi-
brillator. It's mounted on the wall in back
of me, shut inside a metal case with a glass
door you could open to set off alarm bells
and a red strobe light. A sign above the box
says AED and shows a lightning bolt strik-
ing a Valentine's heart. The metal case is
like the hands-off showcase holding some
crown jewels in a Hollywood heist movie.

Opening the case, automatically I set off
the alarm and flashing red light. Quick, be-
fore any heroes come running, I dash into
a handicapped stall with the defibrillator.
Sitting on the toilet, I pry it open. The in-
structions are printed on the lid in English,
Spanish, French and comic-book pictures.
Making it foolproof, more or less. If I wait
too long I won't have this option. Defibril-
lators will be under lock and key soon, and
once defibrillators are illegal only para-
medics will have them.

In my grasp, here's my permanent child-
hood. My very own bliss machine.

My hands are smarter than the rest of
me. My fingers know to peel the electrodes

RBaijeleriplaleseddddS 135

and paste them to my temples. Му ears
know to listen for the loud beep that means
the thing is fully charged.

My thumbs know what's best for me.
They hover over the big red button. Like
this is a video game. Like the button the
president gets to press to trigger the
launch of nuclear war. One push and the
world as I know it comes to an end. A
new reality begins.

To be or not to be. God’s gift to animals
is they don't get a choice.

Every time I open the newspaper I
want to throw up. In another 10 seconds
I won't know how to read. Better yet, I
won't have to. I won't know about global
climate change. I won't know about can-
cer or genocide or SARS or environmental
degradation or religious conflict.

The public address system is paging my
name. I won't even know my name.

Before I can blast off, I picture my unde
Henry at the gate, holding his boarding
pass. He deserves better than this. He
needs to know this is not his fault.

With the electrodes stuck to my forehead,
I carry the defibrillator out of the bathroom
and walk down the concourse toward the
gate. The coiling electric wires trail down
th of my face like thin, white p
My hands carry the battery pack in front of
me like a suicide bomber who's only going
to blow up all my IQ points.

When they catch sight of me, business-
people abandon their roller bags. People on
family vacations, they flap their arms, w
and herd their little kids in the other direc-
tion. Some guy thinks he’s a hero. He shouts,
"Everything is going to be all right.” He tells
me, “You have everything to live for.”

We both know he’s a liar.

My face is sweating so hard the elec-
trodes might slip off. Here’s my last chance
to say everything that's on my mind, so with
everyone watching ГИ confess: I don't know
what's a happy ending. And I don't know
how to fix anything. Doors open in the
concourse and Homeland Security soldiers
storm out, and I feel like one of those Bud-
dhist monks in Tibet or wherever who splash
on gasoline before they check to make sure
their cigarette lighter actually works. How
embarrassing that would be, to be soaking
in gasoline and have to bum a match off
some stranger, especially since so few people
smoke anymore. Me, in the middle of the
airport concourse, I'm dripping with sweat
instead of gasoline, but this is how out of
control my thoughts are spinning.

From out of nowhere my uncle grabs
my arm, and he says, “If you hurt yourself,
Trevor, you hurt me.”

He's gripping my arm, and I'm gripping
the red button. I tell him this isn’t so tragic.
I say, “I'll keep loving you, Uncle Henry...I
just won't know who you are.”

Inside my head, my last thoughts are
prayers. I’m praying that this battery is fully
charged. There's got to be enough voltage
to erase the fact that I've just said the word
love in front of several hundred strangers.
Even worse, I've said it to my own uncle.
ГЇЇ never be able to live that down.

Most people, instead of saving me,
they pull out their telephones and start

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136

shooting video. Everyone’s jockeying for
the best full-on angle. It reminds me of
something. It reminds me of birthday par-
ties and Christmas. A thousand memories
crash over me for the last time, and that's
something else I hadn't anticipated. I don’t
mind losing my education. I don’t mind
forgetting my name. But I will miss the
little bit І can remember about my parents.

My mother’s eyes and my father’s nose
and forehead, they’re dead except for in
my face. And the idea hurts, to know that
I won't recognize them anymore. Once I
punch out, ГИ think my reflection is noth-
ing except me.

My uncle Henry repeats, “If you hurt
yourself, you hurt me too.”

I say, “ГИ still be your nephew, but I just
won't know it.”

For no reason, some lady steps up and
grabs my uncle Henry's other arm. This
new person, she says, “If you hurt your-
self, you hurt me as well...” Somebody else
grabs that lady, and somebody grabs the
last somebody, saying, “If you hurt yourself,
you hurt me.” Strangers reach out and grab
hold of strangers in chains and branches,
until we're all connected together. Like

we're molecules crystallizing in solution
in Organic Chem. Everyone’s holding on
to someone, and everyone’s holding on to
everyone, and their voices repeat the same
sentence: “If you hurt yourself, you hurt
me.... If you hurt yourself, you hurt me....”

These words form a slow wave. Like a
slow-motion echo, they move away from
me, going up and down the concourse in
both directions. Each person steps up to
grab a person who’s grabbing a person
who's grabbing a person who's grabbing
my uncle who's grabbing me. This really
happens. It sounds trite, but only be-
cause words make everything true sound
trite. Because words always screw up what
you're trying to say.

Voices from other people in other places,
total strangers, say by telephone, watching
by video cams, their long-distance voices
say, "If you hurt yourself, you hurt me...."
And some kid steps out from behind the
cash register at Der Wienerschnitzel, all
the way down at the food court, he grabs
hold of somebody and shouts, "If you hurt
yourself, you hurt me." And the kids mak-
ing Taco Bell and the kids frothing milk
at the Starbucks, they stop, and they all

“I wish you'd stop telling people I'm your inspiration.”

hold hands with someone connected to
me across this vast crowd, and they say it.
too. And just when I think it's got to end
and everyone's got to let go and fly away,
because everything's stopped and people
are holding hands, even going through
the metal detectors they're holding hands,
even then the talking news anchor on
CNN, on the televisions mounted up high
by the ceiling, the announcer puts a fin-
ger to his ear, like to hear better, and even
he says, "Breaking news." He looks con-
fused, obviously reading something off cue
cards, and he says, "If you hurt yourself,
you hurt me." And overlapping his voice
are the voices of political pundits on Fox
News and color commentators on ESPN,
and they're all saying it.

The televisions show people outside in
parking lots and in tow-away zones, all hold-
ing hands. Bonds forming. Everyone's up-
loading video of everyone, people standing
miles away but still connected back to me.

And crackling with static, voices come
over the walkie-talkies of the Homeland
Security guards, saying, "If you hurt your-
self, you hurt me—do you copy?"

By that point there's not a big enough
defibrillator in the universe to scramble all
our brains. And, yeah, eventually we'll all
have to let go, but for another moment ev-
eryone's holding tight, trying to make this
connection last forever. And if this impos-
sible thing can happen, then who knows
what else is possible? And a girl at Burger
King shouts, "I'm scared too." And a boy at
Cinnabon shouts, “I am scared all the time."
And everyone else is nodding, Me too.

To top things off, a huge voice
announces, "Attention!" From overhead it
says, "May I have your attention, please?"
It's a lady. It's the lady voice who pages
people and tells them to pick up the white
paging telephone. With everyone listen-
ing, the entire airport is reduced to silence.

"Whoever you are, you need to know..."
says the lady voice of the white paging tele-
phone. Everyone listens because everyone
thinks she's talking only to them. From a
thousand speakers she begins to sing. With
that voice, she's singing the way a bird
sings. Not like a parrot or an Edgar Allan
Poe bird that speaks English. The sound
is trills and scales the way a canary sings,
notes too impossible for a mouth to conju-
gate into nouns and verbs. We can enjoy it
without understanding it. And we can love
it without knowing what it means. Connect-
ed by telephone and television, it's synchro-
nizing everyone, worldwide. That voice so
perfect, it's just singing down on us.

Best of all...her voice fills everywhere,
leaving no room for being scared. Her
song makes all our ears into one ear.

This isn't exactly the end. On every TV
is me, sweating so hard an electrode slowly
slides down one side of my face.

This certainly isn't the happy ending I
had in mind, but compared to where this
story began—with Griffin Wilson in the
nurse's office putting his wallet between
his teeth like а gun—well, maybe this is not
such a bad place to start.

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PICASSO'S MIND

(continued from page 68)
I say let’s win that war,” Donovan red‘
Braden signed up. From the committee's
offices on gleaming Fifth Avenue, Braden
was surrounded by an array of cold war-
riors, including Dulles, the committee's vice
president and also the architect and future
director of the CIA.

Although the organization existed most-
ly on paper, former statesmen and promi-
nent figures attended meetings and raised
money to promote European unity. There
was bourbon and gin martinis. “It was ex-
citing and fun," said Braden. After a while,
however, the committee ran out of money.
Braden explained, “All of a sudden some
guy named Thompson walks into my of-
fice with a huge sack. 'My name is Pinky
Thompson,’ he said. "This is for you,’ and
plonked it down. It was $75,000. Donovan
had arranged it. Well, it turns out Pinky
Thompson was some kind of vice presi-
dent of a Philadelphia bank, but he was
working for the CIA. That was my initia-
tion to the fact that we were not what we
said we were."

The revelation didn't scare Braden away
from the post, which amounted to a train-
ing ground for the CIA. In fact he did so
well running the committee, he was soon
offered a new job.

Within a year Tom Braden was packing
his bags and leaving New York for Wash-
ington. He would be Allen Dulles's assis-
tant at the Central Intelligence Agency.

If you drive up Foxhall Road in the north-
west corner of Washington, you'll find sec-
tions that wind up and down the hills of
the district through a landscape that ap-
pears pretty much as it was in the 1950s,
almost bucolic. At the intersection of Fox-
hall and W Street, just before the presti-
gious Field School comes into view, sits a
two-story brick house painted white with
green shutters and shaded by trees. Back
then the house was just like every other
house on the edge of D.C., except a spy
with a code name—Homer D. Hoskins—
lived there with his cyanide "death pill," to
be swallowed in case of capture. This was
Braden's home in 1952.

He looked exactly as a reporter once
described him: "a wiry, sandy-haired
man" with a "craggy handsome vis-
age that could be a composite of John
Wayne, Gary Cooper and Frank Sinatra."
Braden's goddaughter Elizabeth
Winthrop Alsop said, "He had that leath-
ery face and those blue eyes and he was
very charming—definitely a ladies’ man."
Braden wore a trench coat. He smoked
Camels (unfiltered) and a pipe.

At the CIA one of Braden's first ob-
jectives was to keep the labor unions in
Europe from being sucked into Moscow's
black hole. Like most of Europe, they
needed money. Braden became the bag-
man. Fifteen thousand dollars got unions
in France to stop communist maritime
workers from dumping U.S. supplies into

138 the sea or burning them at ports. "We

subsidized the unions to make sure it
didn't happen anymore," he said. He also
bribed communist dockworkers. “If we
didn't bribe them, we wouldn't have got-
ten our supplies landed," he recalled. "It
was also my idea to give cash, along with
advice, to other labor leaders, to students,
professors and others who could help the
United States in its battles with commu-
nist fronts. I personally went to Detroit
and gave the leader of the auto workers’
union $50,000 in $50 bills to influence la-
bor unions in Germany." The union chief.
gave the cash to his brother, who "spent
it with something less than perfect wis-
dom," Braden said.

“Т could hand over $50,000 and never
account to anybody. The CIA could do
exactly as it pleased. It could hire armies.
It could buy bombs. It was one of the first
multinationals," he wrote in a letter to au-
thor Ted Morgan. In fighting the Soviets, it
was the Wild West.

But Braden was most concerned about
losing the battle among European sophis-
ticates. "I was much more interested in the
ideas which were under fire from the com-
munists than I was in blowing up Guate-
mala," he said. "I was more an intellectual
than a gung-ho guy.

“We wanted to unite all the people who
were writers, who were musicians, who
were artists, and all the people who fol-
low those people—people like you and me
who go to concerts or visit art galleries—
to demonstrate that the West and the
United States was devoted to freedom of
expression and to intellectual achieve-
ment without any rigid barriers as to what
you must write and what you must say
and what you must do and what you must
paint—which was what was going on in
the Soviet Union," Braden said in a 1994
interview with Frances Stonor Saunders,
a British documentarian and author of a
groundbreaking book on the CIA, Who
Paid the Piper?

The Soviets had the bomb, and their
military capabilities were immense—the
CIA had those facts cold. But the conse-
quences of a culture dictated by Stalin
were beyond comprehension. "The idea
that the world would succumb to a kind
of fascist or Stalinist concept of art and
literature and music—that this was to be
the wave of the future—as you look back
on it even now, it's a horrifying pros-
pect," Braden said.

And so with that in mind, early one
evening, after the secretaries had gone
home, Braden marched over to Dulles's
office and proposed a new way to take
on the Soviets.

"You know,” Dulles said, “I think you may
have something there. There's no doubt in
my mind that we're losing the Cold War.
Why don't you take it up down below?"
“Down below" was Frank Wisner, а
Southerner from Mississippi who had
been a track star at the University of Vir-
ginia and was then head of covert opera-
tions at the agency. "In my view, he was
a hero, an authentic American hero,"

Braden wrote in the Saturday Evening Post.
For three months he developed a plan to
convince Wisner and his chiefs who rep-
resented various sections of the globe. At
last the hour of the meeting arrived. "I
began by assuring them that I proposed
to do nothing in any area without the ap-
proval of the chief in that area," Braden
recalled. “I thought when I finished that
I had made a good case." But the chief of
Western Europe objected.

"Frank, this is just another one of those
goddamned proposals for getting into
everybody's hair."

All the others fell into line, vetoing
Braden's plan. (The only chief who sup-
ported Braden was Richard Stilwell, who
ran the CIA's Far East division. He was
a badass. He had crawled up the beaches
of Normandy on D-Day and would later
serve in Vietnam as deputy commanding
general of the Marines.) Braden waited
for Wisner's decision. "Well, you heard
the verdict," Wisner said, acquiescing to
the others.

Braden walked down the long hall at
the CIA's E Street headquarters. Now he
had to face his men, defeated. The plan
was а no-go.

"Then I went to Mr. Dulles's office and
resigned."

Dulles was furious. "He raised hell,"
Braden recalled. Dulles rang up Wisner,
challenging him to defend his position.
"Allen was all over Wisner. He took my
side completely." And he refused to accept
Braden's resignation.

"The International Organizations Divi-
sion of the CIA was born," recalled Braden,
"and thus began the first centralized effort
to combat communist fronts." Тот Braden
was finally in business. Now he could fight
the Cold War his way.

"Braden was sharp," says Michael
Warner, the CIA's historian. “Не knew
how to deal with people. He knew impor-
tant people who could get things done.
He knew whom to call and could get his
phone calls returned. Braden knew whom
to get buy-in from and how to build buy-
in." Warner has studied internal docu-
mentation and says Braden found perfect
common cause with others who shared his
view of a new, nonmilitary strategy. "And
he showed how to make it work."

"It was really a pretty simple device,"
Braden said, recalling how the CIA funded
its secret programs to promote modern
art. "We would go up to somebody in New
York who was a well-known rich person,
and we would say, 'We want to set up a
foundation.' And we would tell him what
we were trying to do and pledge him to
secrecy, and he would say, 'Of course ГИ
do it.' And then you would publish a let-
terhead and his name would be on it and it
would be a foundation."

То build the necessary cover in Europe,
agents rented an office in a classic 19th cen-
tury building with floor-to-ceiling windows
at 104 Boulevard Haussmann in Paris.
They called it the Congrés Pour la Liberté
de la Culture, or the Congress for Cultural
Freedom, hung out a shingle, printed let-
terhead and were in business.

To run its newly established front, the
CIA installed two agents who looked the
part of cosmopolitans. There was Michael
Josselson, a 43-year-old Estonian who
spoke four languages flawlessly. Few out-
side the CIA knew Josselson's full history:
His family had been murdered by the
communists, and he’d also lived in Ger-
many, working in the intelligence section
of the Psychological Warfare Division of
the U.S. Army.

Josselson brought in 48-year-old
Nicolas Nabokov, a tall Russian with
white hair, as impresario. He introduced
himself as a composer and offered his
business card: MUSIC DIRECTOR, AMERICAN
ACADEMY. ROME. Nabokov also had a hid-
den past: a family that had fled the Bol-
shevik Revolution and a stint on a special
panel authorized by President Franklin
Roosevelt to be based in Germany follow-
ing the war. Nabokov’s assignment there
was to “establish good psychological and
cultural weapons with which to destroy
Nazism and promote a genuine desire for
a democratic Germany.”

Josselson and Nabokov were ready. “We
will show that we're the creative ones,”
they said. But crucial to the success of the
Congress for Cultural Freedom was its le-
gitimacy: To “protect the integrity of the
organization,” the CIA did not require it
“to support every aspect of official Amer-
ican policy,” Braden explained. At one
point the agency funded the congress as
part of the Marshall Plan, an American
aid program (named for General George
С. Marshall, the Army chief of staff dur-
ing World War II) that funneled money
to Europe to help it rebuild after the dev-
astation of the war. The CIA also used its
newly created American “foundations.”
To hide their connections to the agency,
Braden had another rule: “Limit the
money to amounts private organizations
can credibly spend.”

With the setup complete, the Paris office
polished to a fare-thee-well and funding in
place, Braden launched his first mission.

Motivated to show that the United
States stood for freedom of expression,
he imagined the impact of exposing Euro-
pean artists and intellectuals to America’s
foremost talents. That could change the
battlefield, he thought, maybe even swing
them to our side. The first mission had to
be bold and unforgettable.

Nabokov concurred. “I wanted to start
off [the] activities with a big bang and in the
field of 20th century arts,” he later wrote.

With Braden’s blessing, Josselson and
Nabokov announced that their Congress
for Cultural Freedom would be hosting an
exposition, XXth Century Masterpieces.
They worked rooms in Europe’s major
cities, talking to tastemakers and creative
types, promoting the hell out of their pro-
duction. Starting in Paris and then mov-
ing across Europe, they said, the congress
would be showcasing opera, ballet, drama,
literature—with a special focus on art.
“Narrow restrictive rules have sought to
transform the artist into an instrument of
the state, producing works tailored to the
utilitarian needs of totalitarian regimes,”

said Nabokov. “Free creative imagination
of the poets, painters and composers has
produced an abundant flow of master-
pieces in all the arts.”

A showpiece of this exhibition was the
Boston Symphony Orchestra. It was ex-
actly what Braden had in mind. The CIA
would send musicians into the nexus of
Europe’s cultural world. Yes, musicians.
For a mere $175,000 (more than $1.5 mil-
lion in today’s dollars), Braden could send
all 104 members of the orchestra to per-
form in Europe’s vaunted concert halls.
They would be guests of the Congress for
Cultural Freedom.

In the spring of 1952, the musicians
departed the U.S., unaware that every-
thing was unfolding on the CIA's dime.
In Paris, at the Théatre des Champs-
Elysées, they performed Berlioz’s Sym-

phonie Fantastique and Brahms’s Sympho-
ny No. 4. The audience of usually staid
Parisians roared its approval, calling the
conductor back 20 times. RESPLENDENT
BOSTON SYMPHONY ASTOUNDS THE PARISIANS,
declared a headline in the Paris-Presse
L'Intransigeant. For the next four weeks
the American musicians performed in
France, Germany, Belgium, the Nether-
lands and England. But the dark shadow
of the Soviet Union was lurking. When
their train went through checkpoints,
the musicians were instructed by Army
personnel to keep the shades drawn.
Nevertheless, the tour was a triumph.
“No American artistic group has been
received in France with such warmth
and enthusiasm in recent times,” said
one news account. An article about the
concert in Strasbourg said the American

“My daughters have prepared the meal and have expressed interest in
what you and your men most like to eat.”

139

PLAYBOY

140

musicians left the audience “trembling
with joy.”

Back at CIA headquarters, Braden was
elated. His first cultural mission was a suc-
cess. “The impact from that tour—people
said, ‘Heavens! The Americans! Look
what they do.’ The Boston Symphony
Orchestra won more acclaim for the U.S.
than John Foster Dulles or Dwight D.
Eisenhower could have bought with a
hundred speeches.”

But there was trouble at home—trouble
about the art. Modern abstract expression-
ist art, the very art Braden and his Paris
agents sought to advance as a vehicle for
Western freedom, was under attack by
American politicians. George Dondero, a
Republican congressman from Michigan,
called the paintings “depraved” and “de-
structive.” He charged they were part

of the communist conspiracy. He even
asserted that one painting was a map re-
vealing U.S. military installations.

In an eerie echo of an announcement
in the Soviet newspaper Pravda, Dondero
said, “Art which does not glorify our beau-
tiful country in plain, simple terms that
everyone can understand breeds dissat-
isfaction. It is therefore opposed to our
government, and those who create and
promote it are our enemies.” In Dondero's
view, abstract expressionist painters and
the art critics who supported them were
“germ-carrying vermin" and “interna-
tional art thugs." Dondero's views were
also supported by others in Congress, in-
cluding Democrat Francis Walter, the vocal
chairman of the House Un-American Ac-
tivities Committee.

Dondero's campaign was reminiscent of

the reaction to the disastrous 1946 State
Department exhibit Advancing American
Art, which had sought to elevate America's
cultural status. It too came under attack
from right-wing corners for being red. The
charges became so intense that then secre-
tary of state George C. Marshall shuttered
the exhibit. "No more taxpayers’ money
for modern art," he declared.

The American opposition to modern
art as "communist" meant Braden's plan
had to remain clandestine. The mission
was to win intellectuals and artists to the
American side, but those people had little
respect for the U.S. government and "cer-
tainly none for the CIA," as retired agency
officer Donald Jameson put it in an inter-
view. Revealing that the CIA was behind
the program would have been disastrous.
This was the era when Senator Joseph
McCarthy was riding high, making reck-
less accusations about alleged communists
in the government. The idea that a high-
ranking CIA official would have anything
to do with creative types was seen by some
as communistic.

"You have always to battle your own
ignoramuses—or, to put it more politely,
people who just don't understand... It
was nonrepresentational, and therefore
it shocked some Americans,” Braden
later explained.

Braden pressed on. On a mild April
morning in 1952, the S.S. Liberté, a luxury
French ocean liner, departed the Port of
New York. Few of the passengers knew
that packed securely in the cargo hold
below were more than 200 paintings—a
veritable trove of what the future would
look like. The artwork was handpicked by
James Johnson Sweeney, an art critic and a
former director of the Museum of Modern
Art, where Tom Braden had first seen the
difference modern art could make.

Braden would never forget the day he
interviewed for his job at MoMA. While
waiting in museum president Nelson
Rockefeller's office, he met “the prettiest
girl I had ever seen in my life." She was
26-year-old Joan Ridley, and she had a
"marvelously fresh and open face and
freckles and curly brown hair." Her green
dress "swirled." Braden later married her,
and they had eight children. "You'd have
to work very hard not to have babies if you
were married to Joan," he wrote. It was
their eight babies who became the foun-
dation of Eight Is Enough, the book and
ТУ series that introduced millions to Tom
Braden in the 1970s.

At the beginning of the book Braden
recounts his response to a maddening
incident when he was trying to corral his
five girls and three boys for a Caribbean
vacation. By the end he has come to terms
with the chaos of family life, experienc-
ing fatherhood “with the mixture of pride
and affection, protectiveness and hope
which is...what makes a father go on be-
ing a father." The best-seller was the basis
for a TV series that debuted on the same
night and channel as Three's Company, in
1977. (Both would become crown jewels of

ABC's prime-time schedule.) A one-hour
show with a laugh track, Eight Is Enough
depicted family dilemmas with a gentle
father—“Tom Bradford,” played by Dick
Van Patten—as the head of the household.

Bradford is portrayed as a newspa-
perman, which Braden was, but as less
commanding and confrontational than
the real Tom Braden. “He came into the
room with more balls than a pool table,”
says screenwriter William Blinn, who de-
veloped Braden’s book for Hollywood.
“He had a built-in edge about him.”
Even the opening credits offered a point
of contrast. They feature Tom Bradford
playing football with his wife and kids. As
Bradford prepares to throw the ball, one
of the boys whips by and steals it. When I
told Van Patten I knew Tom Braden, Van
Patten said, “Tell him hello. Playing him
on TV bought me my house.” When I
told Braden I'd met Van Patten, he said,
“I would have made the pass.”

Despite all the hot-button issues and
“new morality” (as Braden called it) of
the 1970s that Eight Is Enough addressed,
the series never delved into his espio-
nage background. Most Americans as-
sociated him with the father-figure jour-
nalist. Braden’s own children grew up
around the residue of his clandestine
life, always trying to connect the dots.
From an early age, Braden’s daughter
Elizabeth loved art. She is an alumna of
the Rhode Island School of Design and is
now an art teacher. When I ask her about
modern art, she replies, “Dad said it was
all about fighting the communists, trying
to win the Cold War.”

R. James Woolsey, former director of the
CIA, now acknowledges the legacy of
Braden’s program. He says its genius was
in exposing the essence of the American
and Soviet systems. “If you compare so-
cialist realist art—the muscled worker in
the Soviet Union pressing forward into
the future—to Jackson Pollock’s art, you
have to ask yourself, Which society is freer?
Pollock has three-dimensional canvases,
really interesting patterns and—wow!—all
these colors,” Woolsey says. “Then you look
at the socialist realist art, and it’s crap—
propaganda crap. That can’t help but have
some resonance, especially among intel-
lectuals. It doesn’t win the war itself, but
it communicated that people were free to
read and paint what they wanted to in the
United States, and they were not free to do
that in the Soviet Union.”

Last summer, at lunch with Braden's son
Nicholas, I asked, “What did your dad tell
you about the art?” He paused, smiled and
answered, “You mean that MoMA was a
front for the CIA?”

The history of the Central Intelligence
Agency is rife with conspiracies, but was
the Museum of Modern Art really a cover
for spies?

In part, yes. A trail of evidence shows
there was an organized program by the
CIA to influence European intellectuals.
MoMA, with Braden in place at the CIA,
was essential to the operation. Museum

administrators and others in the art world,
including the artists themselves, were most-
ly unaware of this collaboration. In other
words, Braden and other spooks pulled off
one of the greatest capers in history.

On one wall was Dutch Interior by Joan
Miró, then Black Lines by Kandinsky, The
Bride by Marcel Duchamp and a mobile,
Red Petals, by Alexander Calder—all an
explosion of colors, lines, shapes and
shadows. These were just a few of the
modern works in the Congress for Cul-
tural Freedom’s XXth Century Master-
pieces exhibition.

As Aline B. Louchheim, arts editor of
The New York Times, observed about such
art, “There are many paintings which seem
to say to you, ‘Look, stop and look at me.
I am addressing you. Look at what I am
saying.’ And having thus claimed you, they
manage to banish other considerations, to
pull the mind away from speculation or
daydreams and to fill the eye only with the
urgency of their particular visions. Some
are big, some are blatant, some are small,
some speak quietly.”

The paintings seemed to exclaim, “This is
what absolute and total freedom looks like.”

The opening of this exhibition, on April
30, 1952, was attended by “a large throng
of invited guests,” reported a press ac-
count. In its “Letter From Paris,” The
New Yorker wrote that the exhibit “spilled
such gallons of captious French newspa-
per ink, wasted such tempests of argu-
mentative Franco-American breath and
afforded, on the whole, so much pleasure
to the eye and ear that it can safely be
called, in admiration, an extremely pop-
ular fiasco.” Herbert Luethy recorded in
Commentary, “It proved to be one of the
most dazzling expositions of modern art
ever brought before the public.” And this
was just the beginning.

MoMA and the Musée d’Art Moderne
in Paris sponsored a 1953 exhibition,
‘Twelve Contemporary American Painters
and Sculptors, which represented “differ-
ent regions and trends of art in the United
States,” The New York Times reported. The
account also noted that the Paris museum
delayed other exhibitions to display the
high-quality works, including ones by ab-
stract expressionist painters Jackson Pol-
lock and Arshile Gorky. The money and
publicity for the show were provided by
the Association Frangaise d’Action Artis-
tique, an organization that was а donor to
the Congress for Cultural Freedom and
whose director was a CIA contact at the
French Foreign Office.

Word of this unique atmosphere trav-
eled. It attracted Frances FitzGerald,
a fresh-faced Radcliffe graduate and
aspiring writer. Her father, Desmond
FitzGerald, a CIA officer, sent her to the
Farfield Foundation—one of Braden’s
CIA fronts—in New York for a job. “The
foundation was one room with one per-
son in it,” she recalls. She was told that
because of reorganization, the job didn’t
exist anymore. “But then my mother,
Marietta Tree, called her friend Nicky

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PLAYBOY

142

Nabokov, and he said, ‘But of course your
daughter can have a job.'” FitzGerald
moved to Paris and began working at the
congress. “My father must have been furi-
ous, but he didn’t say a word to me. In
fact, the job didn’t exist, as the man in the
office said. So the congress had to scram-
ble to find me something to do,” she says.
“I sharpened pencils.” (FitzGerald went
on to cover the Vietnam War for Atlan-
tic Monthly and to write Fire in the Lake, a
1972 book that won a Pulitzer.)

Jointly, the congress and MoMA spon-
sored six Americans to represent the U.S.
at the Young Painters show in 1955, which
was displayed in Rome, Brussels, Paris
and London. The show included approxi-
mately 170 paintings, almost all abstract,
by artists from around the world. The
Congress for Cultural Freedom gave out
cash prizes to the three best paintings, and
all the money for this show came through
the Farfield Foundation.

Fifty Years of Art in the United States,
a 1955 Musée d’Art Moderne exhibition,
was the largest representation of American
art yet. Although met with mixed reviews
by French critics, the two-month show
was widely attended. Afterward, French
galleries started to take note of these new
American painters. In the fall of that year,
the Right Bank Gallery was beginning to
introduce France to “informalists,” includ-
ing artists such as Pollock.

It’s likely this second show was also
sponsored or paid for by the Congress for
Cultural Freedom—but even if it wasn't,
it meant Braden's plan was working: Eu-
ropeans were taking notice of American
modern art. And the shows continued.

Braden left the CIA in the mid-1950s,
but his program carried on with his depu-
ty Cord Meyer leading it. By the end of the

decade it had taken hold. MoMA would
host more than 450 separate exhibitions
in more than 35 countries. A 1958 Esquire
cover proclaiming “The Americanization
of Paris” depicts powdered “instant vin
rouge” being poured into a water-filled
wineglass (for better or worse).

By 1959, abstract expressionist art was
on a roll. John Berger, a Marxist art cor-
respondent for New Statesman, declared,
“Abstract expressionism...is sweeping the
field. Nowhere in Western Europe is there
a realist stronghold left.”

Nabokov’s secretary, in a letter to a
MoMA trustee, described an exhibition
promoted by the Congress for Cultural
Freedom and MoMA planned for the
Biennale de Paris in 1959. She explained
that word “swept through the artistic cir-
cles like a tornado. Every young painter
in Paris, every gallery director, every art
critic are telephoning to find out what it's
all about. It’s going to be a terrific hit.”

Braden's operation was a success. One
of the world’s most famous and influ-
ential painters, Gerhard Richter, would
later attribute his defection from East
Germany to his viewing of abstract ex-
pressionist art. In 1959, at documenta
II, an art show started in 1955 by a
West German artist and professor to
display modern artwork suppressed by
the Nazis, Richter viewed work by art-
ists including Pollock. Afterward Richter
realized, “There was something wrong
with my whole way of thinking...expres-
sion of a totally different and entirely
new content.” In a letter to his former
art teacher in East Germany, Richter
explained why he risked his life: “The
reasons are largely due to my career...
When I say cultural ‘climate’ in the
West offers me and my artistic endeav-

“No, wait, give me a minute. I never forget a face.”

ors more, that is more compatible with
my way of being and my way of work-
ing than the East, I am pointing out the
main reason behind my decision.”

As a further marker of success, nu-
merous major American modern
artists—William Baziotes, Alexander
Calder, Willem de Kooning, Robert
Motherwell and Pollock—became out-
spoken in their denunciation of the So-
viets. Adolph Gottlieb and Mark Rothko,
once communists, broke ranks with their
comrades and formed an anticommunist
artists’ organization.

Picasso was never persuaded to aban-
don his loyalties to the French com-
munists, but MoMA's archives contain
evidence that there was an attempt to do
so. Braden said that though there were
efforts to turn Picasso, clearly it was
more of a metaphor.

By 1975 modern art had made its way
into the Soviet Union, in a display at a Mos-
cow museum, despite attempts to censor it.

"I'm glad the CIA is 'immoral.'"

That's what Braden wrote when report-
ers uncovered his plan. There had always
been a pervasive nervousness that some-
one would find out.

By 1966 Braden's secret operation
had run out of time. Editors at The New
York Times deployed more than 20 cor-
respondents to investigate the far-flung
operations of the CIA. They discovered
the agency was behind the Congress for
Cultural Freedom and announced it in
a front-page story. Sleuths for the left-
wing magazine Ramparts and the French
newspaper Le Monde commenced further
investigations. Such revelations—deemed
"scandalous" by the press—came as the
media's opposition to the Vietnam War
reached a fever pitch and the whole coun-
try appeared to be growing weary of the
Cold War, at least according to the way the
news media portrayed it.

“1 didn't care," FitzGerald says today,
remembering when the news broke. "The
revelations weren't good for the French—a
lot of them got very upset. They thought
the congress was independent and that
they were being used. But they weren't.
When they were involved with the con-
gress, they were doing what they wanted."

As criticism rained down, a CIA officer
working in the Paris office of the congress
scrambled to draft a statement for the
press, claiming the congress was never in-
fluenced by any of its donors. Braden went
in another direction and stuck his neck
out. He wrote a staunch defense of his ac-
tions. "The Cold War was and is fought
with ideas instead of bombs. And our coun-
try had a clear-cut choice: Either we win
the war or lose it."

The worldwide coverage of Braden's
defense eclipsed the original bombshell.
He explained the project in an interview
with the Los Angeles Times. It was started to
counter the Russians, he said, who "were
spending $250 million a year on interna-
tional front organizations."

Former CIA director R. James Woolsey

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146

says, “Remember, this was the period
when France and Italy were close to going
communist, and communists had a good
deal of cachet in many circles because
they had—at least with the exception of
the period from 1939 until 1941—been
the enemies of the fascists and Nazis.”

Braden explained to the Los Angeles
Times, “I don’t think it’s immoral or dis-
graceful to help one’s country.... It seems
to me that a man who does this for the CIA
is in the same position as a soldier fighting
in Vietnam.”

"I think Tom meant well.”

That's what Cord Meyer wrote to Allen
Dulles in the wake of Braden's disclo-
sures. "Obviously it is going to be very
damaging. I really can't understand why
he did it." Dulles biographer Peter Grose
contends that Dulles was also bewildered.
At a party in Georgetown, Dulles report-
edly accosted Braden's wife, Joan, with a
stinging rebuke. The next day, she wrote,
"What you said hurt more deeply than
perhaps you know. Disagree with [Tom's]
judgment but not with his motive." It took
Dulles more than a month to respond.

"You speak of his feelings for me, and
your own, but if what you say about Tom
is true, why, oh why, did he have to do
this without any consultation or without
attempting to find out what those with
whom he had worked so closely, and who
had vouched for him in the past, would
feel about his action.... He has hurt many
of us, and my feelings for Tom have been
deeply affected." After that, Grose re-
corded, "Allen never spoke another word
to Tom Braden."

Braden spent the summer of 1967
at Lake Tahoe, trying to determine his
next act. When he contacted longtime
CIA officer Richard Bissell for sugges-
tions, Bissell replied, "If you develop
any brilliant ideas for an independent
enterprise, let me know. I might like to
apply for an opportunity to join you."
Apparently some CIA men were more
forgiving than the old spymaster.

“From the left, I'm Tom Braden."

That was his nightly sign-off on Cross-
fire for most of the 1980s. In contrast to
other CIA men, Braden didn't spend his
post-agency years in obscurity. The man

who once said, "I've always wanted to do
things, be involved”—well, he lived the
remainder of his life in the most public
way possible, first as the author of a best-
selling memoir (which was not always
flattering about his parenting skills),
then as the basis for a TV character and
finally as himself on Crossfire. He seemed
to hate the CIA of the post-Vietnam era,
regarding it as arrogant and too pow-
erful. ^I would shut it down," he wrote
in the Saturday Review in 1975. Braden
argued that the agency's intelligence
activities ought to be farmed out to the
State Department. "Scholars and scien-
tists and people who understand how the
railroads run in Sri Lanka don't need to
belong to the CIA in order to do their
valuable work," he wrote. Ironically,
Braden's daughter Susan would go on
to work at the agency for more than a
decade, starting in the 1980s. She tells
me she regards the shadowy world of the
CIA as something of an incongruity in
her father’s life, that he was a man who
didn’t like secrecy. “That’s why he had
no reluctance to exposing the opera-
tion,” she says as she recalls the bravado
with which her dad spoke of those days.
“He thought people should know what
they did.” This is part of what people
mean when they say Braden was a man
of complexity.

In 1983, a representative of the right-
wing John Birch Society appeared on
Crossfire to debate President Ronald
Reagan's policy toward the Soviets.
About five minutes into the live broad-
cast, the guest attacked Braden: “In the
1950s...we had a thing called the Braden
Doctrine where America poured $2 mil-
lion a year into left-wing activities under
the guise of fighting communism.” In-
censed by having what he'd done at the
CIA critiqued and his loyalty questioned,
Braden grew furious and replied, "I was
taking on communism when you were in
knee pants, for heaven's sake. The CIA
licked Joseph Stalin's last great offen-
sive in Western Europe, and it did it by
helping liberals, intellectuals and social-
ists." Braden glared at the guest and de-
clared, "You don't know anything about
fighting communism."

Finally, at the end of the decade,
news broadcasts flashed an astonishing
report: "The Berlin Wall doesn't mean
anything anymore—the East German
media chief in the Communist Party said
a short while ago that anyone who wants
to leave East Germany and go anywhere
in the world is free to do so," announced
Peter Jennings on ABC, November 9,
1989. As the Wall crumbled, Braden
watched the bulletins from the den of
his 11-bedroom yellow house in Chevy
Chase, Maryland, with modern art deco-
rating the walls.

"When my dad died and we began
dividing up his things for the family, my
wife and I got a small painting by Picasso,"
Nicholas Braden told me. "I never knew
what it all meant."

CHASING MOLLY

(continued from page 115)

Molly has become so mainstream that
even a pop tart like Miley Cyrus feels com-
fortable singing about “dancing with mol-
1у” оп her song “We Can’t Stop,” though
the drug references were bleeped out dur-
ing her performance at the Video Music
Awards. And what would a pop trend be
without a guest appearance by the queen
of pop? Madonna jumped on the molly
bandwagon last year when she named her
12th studio album MDNA and asked the
crowd at 2012’s Ultra Music Festival in
Miami, “How many people in this crowd
have seen molly?” In the wake of the per-
formance, progressive house music DJ
Deadmau5 publicly criticized the aging
diva for glamorizing drug use.

The molly phenomenon is also a market-
ing gimmick—drug dealers rebranding a
product that had gotten a bad reputation
because it was so heavily cut with other
substances. According to the hype, molly is
for the cool kids, the discerning consum-
ers who don’t mind paying a premium to
ensure quality, whereas ecstasy pills are for
“e-tards,” the dance-floor proletariat who
turned MDMA from a hippie tool for in-
ner exploration into another excuse to get
trashed on a Saturday night.

Fancying themselves smart drug users
who pride themselves on knowing where
to get the real stuff, many molly consum-
ers seem blissfully unaware that drug deal-
ers routinely substitute synthetic cathi-
nones (bath salts) for MDMA, not only
because they're easier to procure but also
because they're a lot cheaper. A gram of
mephedrone or methylone, both cathi-
nones, wholesales for the equivalent of
about $3 or $4 and can be bought online
from factories in China that churn it out by
the metric ton. A gram of pure molly can
retail for as much as $120, which reflects
not just the demand for this sought-after
chemical but also the difficulty of procur-
ing the precursor ingredients—most com-
monly safrole and PMK—that manufactur-
ers need to make the drug.

According to the Miami Police Depart-
ment, methylone and mephedrone, along
with another synthetic cathinone called
4-МЕС, account for the vast bulk of the
molly seized by narcotics cops in the area. A
DEA spokesperson told me that in the first
six months of 2013, the DEA's Miami field of-
fice seized 106 consignments of molly, which
contained 43 different substances, 19 of
them so obscure even government chemists
couldn't identify them. So much for purity.

“Molly is absolutely a marketing gim-
mick,” says Missi Wooldridge, a spokes-
person for DanceSafe, the harm-reduction
organization that tries to educate young
consumers about the risks of disco poly-
pharmacy. “I think the average molly con-
sumer has no idea what they’re putting
into their bodies. The drug scene is so satu-
rated with research chemicals that people
not only cut their pills and powders with
them but will also often sell straight-up
research chemicals as molly. People think
they’re getting real MDMA.”

Or maybe there’s something more pro-
found underpinning this molly craze,
something to do with the drug’s much
vaunted ability to break down social barri-
ers when taken in communal settings.

“This generation has grown up with crys-
tal meth as a chemical béte noire, whereas
MDMA is seen as basically benign,” says
Mike Power, author of Drugs 2.0, a compel-
ling account of how the internet has revolu-
tionized the global drug trade. “Molly has
become hugely popular right now because
it is in many ways the perfect drug for the
times. We've never been so networked yet
so disconnected. The overwhelming rush
of an MDMA experience is as close as many
of us will ever come to connecting with an-
other person."

The story of MDMA began unremarkably
in 1912 when a little-known German chem-
ist named Anton Köllisch first synthesized
the substance while working to produce a
blood-clotting agent for the pharmaceutical
giant Merck. He was trying to get around a
patent for a similar drug owned by Merck's
archrival, Bayer, when he stumbled upon
MDMA, which was initially called methyl-
safrylamin. Four years later, he went to his
grave with no idea that what he had discov-
ered would affect generations of beat-crazy
kids to come. The formula for MDMA, a
precursor to a potentially lifesaving medi-
cine that never got made, lay buried in the
archives at Merck's Darmstadt headquar-
ters for decades, until the U.S. military
briefly experimented with MDMA in the
1950s as a possible truth serum.

The first time MDMA turned up on law
enforcement's radar was іп 1970, when
Chicago police confiscated a batch of pills
that contained the then unknown chemi-
cal. By 1976 the chemist Alexander Shul-
gin had resynthesized the drug and dosed
himself at the suggestion of a former stu-
dent who had tipped him off about its
potential psychoactive effect on humans.
Shulgin introduced MDMA to a psycholo-
gist friend named Leo Zeff, who in turn
introduced it to other psychologists, who
in the next few years prescribed about half
a million doses. They called it adam, as in
being “reborn anew,” because that’s how
it made patients feel. Psychologists and
psychotherapists reported remarkable im-
provements in the emotional well-being of
their patients who had taken the drug. It
did for them in a few hours what a year’s
worth of conventional therapy couldn't.
Some mental health professionals claimed
MDMA was particularly useful for couples
going through marital problems.

The first mass-scale production of
MDMA for recreational use in the United
States came courtesy of the so-called Bos-
ton Group, a small contingent of chemists
who were tenured professors at MIT and
Harvard and who were colleagues of LSD
guru Timothy Leary. The Boston Group
decided they wanted to conduct a social
experiment. First at Studio 54, then later
at the legendary Paradise Garage, hand-
picked distributors in the New York area
sold the drug as a healthier alternative to

cocaine. Then they reported back to the
Boston Group about the positive effects the
drug was having on the dance floor. One of
those distributors was David. Sitting in his
Miami Beach apartment today, David is in
his early 70s and still deejays, though he
makes his real living running a small real
estate company. Age hasn't dulled his vivid
memories of the life-changing effects the
first wave of recreational ecstasy use had
on clubgoers at the time.

“What happened was that these profes-
sors up in Boston, who had been using it for
therapy for a long time, decided it would be
a good idea for the world if MDMA became
a social drug instead of cocaine and heroin
and all the other bad drugs,” remembers
David. “It was a relatively small circle of
people on the club scene who were doing
ecstasy back then, mainly artistic types. A
lot of people wouldn't try it because they
were scared of it. They didn't want to let
their walls down, especially the straight
boys, because the rumor was out that tak-
ing ecstasy would turn you gay."

But those straight boys who tried the
Boston Group's product in the 1980s—
myself included—were amazed at the
drug's wondrous therapy. MDMA works
by flooding the brain with serotonin
(which modulates mood and intensifies
perception) and dopamine (which speeds
up metabolism and creates exhilaration),
a combination that lights up the senses
like a Christmas tree. It wasn't long before
the Boston Group began hearing from
users who told them ecstasy had saved
their lives. "They saw that it was really
great for people and relationships," says
David. "After a while, people were telling
them, "Thank you so much, because I was
doing all this cocaine and I was getting
addicted. Once the ecstasy came along, I
could do that and feel great and I wasn't
craving the next day.”

I stopped doing MDMA in 1990 around
the same time the Boston Group closed
shop. "Somebody drove out the chemists
making ecstasy," says David. "They told
me that some very dangerous people were
threatening them. They had two days to
get out of the country. They didn't use the
word mafia, but that's the impression I got.
They packed their bags and all moved to
Belgium." Not coincidently, over the next
decade Belgium became a major center for
ecstasy production.

A number of factors had informed my
decision to quit MDMA. First was the en-
croachment of thuggish drug dealers with
organized-crime connections who weren't
shy about robbing and kidnapping rival
dealers to secure their market share. I
dubbed these people "ecstasy bandits"
when I wrote about them for Details maga-
zine in 1998. A thug who controlled the
ecstasy trade at one of New York's biggest
nightclubs in the 1990s is now a respectable
businessman who enjoys a round of golf at
his local country club. Today he is genu-
inely regretful about his past behavior.

He recently told me, “When I started
dealing, it was hard pills. I haven't done
powdered MDMA. They were yellow and

had these dark specks around them. They 147

PLAYBOY

148

smelled and tasted horrible but were very
powerful. Then these white capsules were
introduced. They were gigantic. They were
an inch long. And the big complaint was that
you were doped out and you didn’t know
what the fuck you were doing. And then
you got speedy and were up for eight hours
with the jitters. I was seeing the decline in
the purity. You could see the effect on the
dance floor. People weren't in the zone any-
more. The mood got a lot darker. That was
around 1993. By that time I was already
planning on getting out of the game.”
Heavily adulterated ecstasy tablets, often
containing little or no MDMA, swamped
nightclubs and raves in the 1990s. Par-
ticularly bad was the appearance of a
dangerous stimulant called PMA that was
sometimes substituted for MDMA in the
tablets. The drug site Erowid estimates that

20 people died as a direct result of these
tainted pills from 2000 to 2001.

But it was more than declining purity
that soured me and other early adopters
on MDMA. Even when I could get hold
of the real deal, an increasingly rare com-
modity, the drug wasn’t having the same
effect anymore. The initial flood of positive
feelings had faded. The law of diminishing
returns that affects everybody who does
ecstasy for any period of time kicked in.

MDMA advocate Rick Doblin, whose or-
ganization, the Multidisciplinary Association
for Psychedelic Studies, has spearheaded a
quarter-century-long campaign to rehabili-
tate MDMA as a valuable therapeutic tool,
says this is a common experience.

"There's a buildup factor with MDMA,”
says Doblin. “If people do ita lot over a long
period of time, they stop feeling the effect.

“One of us is in the wrong cartoon, but Pm not complaining.”

They don't get high. It's as if the molecule
has a built-in protection mechanism for the
user. That's why you rarely see people get-
ting addicted to this drug like you do with
cocaine and methamphetamine."

MOLLY TEST NUMBER TWO

Howard is a Miami-based doctor, body-
builder and dealer of the latest exotic
research chemicals. He pulled up to my
apartment in his vintage Chevy. He'd come
to test some molly. After Fernando's drugs
turned out to be rubbish, I managed to
secure another capsule, this one red and
costing 20 bucks. The word on the street
was this was the bomb. Experienced drug
users swore it was among the best MDMA
they'd ever taken.

"Yeah, right," Howard said, rolling his
eyeballs. “When I sell people mephedrone
for the first time, I tell them it's not MDMA.
It's an analog, and if they don't like it, they
can have their money back. And they still
come back the next day and say, "That's the
best molly I ever had.' Most people can't
tell the difference."

Howard examined the sample. He
said, "You bought this in Miami Beach?
I haven't seen real MDMA in Miami in
years. It could be sugar in a capsule." He
emptied the contents of the capsule onto a
dinner plate. It sure didn't look like sugar.
The jagged crystals—like shards of broken
glass—were immediately familiar, though
the slightly off-white powder surrounding
the crystals could have been anything.

“That looks like crystal meth," I said.

"It could be," Howard responded. "But
bath salts come in crystals too, though
they're differently shaped." He pulled
a bag of mephedrone out of his trouser
pocket to make a visual comparison.

For the second molly test, Howard was
using a 12-panel drug-screening kit that
detects twice as many substances as the kit
my wife used to test the first sample, in-
cluding barbiturates and the former animal
anesthetic PCP. Howard put about half the
contents of the capsule into a cup of water
and then dunked the panel. We waited for
the test kit to absorb the solution.

"I expect it to be positive for methamphet-
amine based on the way it looks," he said,
"and maybe have a little MDMA in it. Some-
times they put 10 percent of MDMA in to fool
people into thinking it's molly. Remember,
methamphetamine is cheaper than MDMA."

A minute passed and Howard looked at
the test. "Yep, it's exactly what I thought,"
he said. "So it's negative for opiates, co-
caine, PCP, barbiturates and oxycodone.
Some people throw some opiates in to mel-
low out the mix. This is positive for meth-
amphetamine and MDMA.”

The overwhelming bulk of the capsule,
Howard concluded, was clearly meth.

“You won't believe what they put in
molly,” he said. “Sometimes pain pills,
blood pressure pills, caffeine, aspirin, all in
a big capsule.”

My wife and I continued the hunt for
pure molly. It was becoming obvious we
would have to venture beyond south
Florida. While there is some domestic

molly production, most ofthe МОМА соп-
sumed in the United States comes from
drug gangs in Canada. The amount of
MDMA seized at the Canadian border in-
creased ninefold from 2003 to 2007.

We decided New York would be a better
choice. One of the biggest electronic dance
music festivals in America was about to take
place in the city. Tens of thousands of fans,
many of them hungry for molly, were set
to descend on Randall’s Island for a three-
day concert called Electric Zoo, featuring
some of the best-known DJs in the world.
If we couldn't find pure molly there, we
weren't going to find it anywhere.

By 11 in the morning on Saturday, Au-
gust 31, the second day of Electric Zoo, the
crowds were already lining up to get into
the stadium, a dumpy venue on a lump
of land in the middle of the polluted East
River. Security was tight. Bags were checked
not once but twice. Altoids tins and ciga-
rette packets drew extra scrutiny. IDs were
scanned to make sure they weren't forgeries.
The pat-downs were practically indecent.

As the crowd waited patiently to get into
the concert, staffers handed out pamphlets
with the following warning: "Electric Zoo
strongly advocates against the use of drugs.
Avoiding drug use is the only way to com-
pletely avoid drug-related risks. You don't
need drugs anyway when wor d-class mu-
sic irling all around you."

"There was a reason for all the paranoia.
The previous night, 23-year-old Jeffrey Russ
had collapsed at Electric Zoo. He later died
at Harlem Hospital Center. The cause of
death had yet to be established, but police
suspected Russ had taken what he believed
to be molly. The victim, a beefy guy who had
recently graduated from Syracuse Univer-
sity, traveled to the festival
brothers and fell ill as 5
wrapped up. Russ's death was the first fatal-
ity that weekend. But it wouldn't be the last.

As the day progressed, the signs of drug
use increased. Glow sticks and drug wrap-
pers littered the field. Three friends who ap-
peared to be in their early 20s sat down at a
picnic table. One with pasty skin and a blond
goatee briefly scanned his surroundings be-
fore taking from his backpack a ziplock bag
that contained capsules filled with white
powder. He took a capsule out, split it and
poured the contents into his water bottle. He
shook the bottle vigorously and took a sip.
He winced and gagged. “This tastes like ass,”
he said. “But ГИ be tripping in no time.”

Nearby, close to the entrance to the show,
a young Asian man was lying facedown on
the grass, humping the ground. He turned
his head to one side and vomited. By this
point Electric Zoo's staffers were spraying
the crowd with water hoses. Overheating is
a major risk factor for molly users.

Around 8:45 in the evening, tragedy
struck again. Olivia Rotondo, a 20-year-old
University of New Hampshire student, fell
ill and was rushed to Metropolitan Hospital
Center, where she died shortly after arriving.
According to the New York Post, the young
woman told a medic before she collapsed that
she had taken six hits of molly. Just hours be-

fore her death, Rotondo reportedly tweeted,
“The amount of traveling Гуе done today is
unreal. Just get me to the damn zoo.”

Citing “serious health risks” to concert-
goers, the organizers and the city decided
to cancel the final day of Electric Zoo. The
event's Facebook page was flooded with an-
gry customers complaining about the can-
cellation. Typical was this comment: “Hon-
estly, I do not even feel for the people who
died. This is fucking stupid. I paid so much
money to go to this fucking festival. Just
cuz a couple people are fucking dumb you
ruin it for 10s of thousands! Fuck you Zoo!”

Eleven days later, the medical exam-
iner released the toxicology report. Russ
died after taking the synthetic cathinone
methylone combined with MDMA. Surpris-
ingly, Rotondo died after consuming pure
MDMA. Hyperthermia played a role in both
deaths. Cathinones and MDMA cause the
body’s temperature to rise and can lead to
organ failure, as was the case here.

Unlike raves in the past, large-scale festi-
vals such as Electric Zoo, Ultra Music Festival
and Electric Daisy Carnival refuse to allow
organizations such as DanceSafe to test molly
on-site because organizers fear they will be
accused of condoning drug use. Maybe if
they had, Jeffrey Russ would be alive today.

MOLLY TEST NUMBER THREE

As it turned out, the drug dealer we'd ar-
ranged to purchase molly from didn't show
оо, because he couldn't get
pply in time. We caught up
with him the next evening. The guy has
been dealing in New York since the days of
the notorious Limelight nightclub and had
a good reputation for selling quality prod-
uct. He assured my wife this was some of
the best molly money could buy.

We were hopeful we'd finally found the
genuine article. But the contents of this
capsule were shocking. It tested positive
for cocaine, methamphetamine, MDMA
and some form of opiate. That's three
stimulants piled on top of one another with
what was probably an oxycodone chaser.
If that's what is in molly in New York, no
wonder kids are dropping dead.

А friend consumed that molly and re-
ported back the next day: "Well, it worked.
Just not in the way molly is supposed to
work. There was some molly there, but it
felt like tripping on heroin."

Despite the two fatalities at Electric
Zoo, the big electronic music festival will
probably go on next year. Mayor Michael
Bloomberg strongly defended the organiz-
ers and said they had done everything in
their power to protect the concertgoers. At
this festival and others, the search for real
molly will continue unabated. People will
always hunt for that high and take chances
to find it. As Drugs 2.0 author Mike Power
says, "Unity, euphoria and sex will never
go out of style."

The names of the drug dealers and most of the
users in this story have been changed to protect
their identities.

DANGER:

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149

PLAYBOY

DECADENCE FOR DINNER

(continued from page 108)
When chefs Vinny Dotolo, Ludo Lefebvre
and Jon Shook cooked their caviar feast
up in the Hollywood Hills, they matched
specific caviar types with each dish, but
you can use any caviar you like. The point
is to use the freshest caviar possible. Buy it
from a reputable source (such as Petrossian
.com), keep it refrigerated, and by all means
stay away from the jarred stuff sitting on a
warm shelf in the supermarket. You want
the sweet essence of ocean brine, not the
salinity of shelf stability.

POTATO CHIPS WITH SMOKED
CREME FRAICHE AND CAVIAR
(Makes six appetizer portions)

This is a high-low recipe of the highest
order, pairing luxurious caviar with
the lowly (yet perfect) potato chip. It’s
a variation on a recipe Ludo Lefebvre
sometimes prepares with home-cured
salmon roe and bing cherries. At our din-
ner party he topped the dish with baby
strawberries, but it’s fantastic without
them as well.

1 large Kennebec potato

1 gallon canola oil

Salt

2 cups créme fraiche

1% cups heavy cream

3 tablespoons smoked oil (see recipe below)
2 ounces caviar

Peel potato. Using a meat slicer or
mandoline, slice potato on the thinnest
setting. Put slices in cold water and place
on towel to dry. Heat canola oil to 275
degrees in a large heavy pot. Fry chips
in oil until crispy but still light in color.
Dry on paper towels and season with salt
to taste.

Combine créme fraiche and heavy
cream in mixer. Whip with whip attach-
ment on medium until light and airy.
Add smoked oil and season with salt to
taste. Place one teaspoon créme fraiche
in center of potato chip and top with one
teaspoon caviar.

SMOKED OIL:
1 cup cooled hardwood charcoal embers
2 cups grapeseed oil

Twenty-four hours before dinner, place
cooled embers and grapeseed oil in a metal
container. Cover with aluminum foil and
let sit overnight. Strain oil through a fine-
mesh sieve and reserve.

HACKLEBACK CAVIAR PIZZA WITH
EGG, NORI AND GARLIC CHILI OIL
(Makes two medium pizzas)

The guys at Animal make their own,
but we've substituted store-bought garlic
chili oil, which you can find online or in
gourmet food shops. They also make an
exquisite pizza dough that requires 48
hours of fermentation. Use your favorite

150 pizza dough recipe, or purchase fresh

dough from Whole Foods or your local
pizza joint. And if you have a pizza stone,
by all means use it.

1 large ball fresh pizza dough

8 ounces fresh mozzarella, thinly sliced
and patted dry

1 red onion, diced

20 garlic flowers

6 tablespoons garlic chili oil

2 hard-boiled eggs, chopped

2 nori sheets, ground to a powder in
spice grinder

2 ounces hackleback caviar

Stretch pizza dough out on oiled
baking sheets. Bake in a 500-degree oven
until top is cooked and dough is a light
brown, about eight minutes. Top with
mozzarella and cook until dough is a deep
golden brown and lightly charred on the
edges, at least five minutes more, until
cheese is properly melted. Divide topping
ingredients in half and scatter on pizzas
so you get a bit of everything in each bite.

CORN CAKES WITH SMOKED STURGEON,
CAVIAR AND MAPLE CREAM
(Serves six)

This recipe combines Jon Shook’s and
Vinny Dotolo’s love of Southern cooking
(corn cakes) with one of their great culi-
nary obsessions: seafood. The result is a
salty-sweet, almost dessert-like dish.

% cup flour

1 ounce cornmeal

1 teaspoon salt

1⁄4 tablespoon sugar

1 tablespoon baking powder

1% teaspoons baking soda

1% cups cottage cheese

3 cups milk or buttermilk

3 whole eggs, lightly beaten

% cup cooked corn

1% ounces butter, melted
Vegetable oil, as needed

2 cups maple cream (see recipe below)
4 ounces smoked sturgeon

2 ounces caviar

2 ounces maple syrup

1 tablespoon fresh chives, chopped

Sift dry ingredients together in a large
bowl. Whisk wet ingredients and corn
together in a large bowl with half the
butter. Gradually add dry ingredients to
wet ingredients, stirring with a wooden
spoon, then add remaining butter (batter
may be lumpy). Pour a quarter cup of
batter onto preheated griddle prepped
with vegetable oil; cook until corn cakes
are lightly golden on each side.

Place enough maple cream to cover
the center of an appetizer plate and add
smoked sturgeon on top. Place cooked
corn cake on top of sturgeon, add a
dollop of caviar and drizzle with maple
syrup. Garnish with chives.

MAPLE CREAM:

Уз cup maple syrup
2 cups heavy cream
М cup buttermilk

Combine ingredients in a large bowl
and whisk until stiff peaks form. Leftover
maple cream can be served with pancakes
the next day.

SCRAMBLED EGGS WITH OSETRA CAVIAR
AND BRIOCHE
(Makes four appetizer portions)
Lefebvre combines the humble chicken
egg with the luxurious fish egg in an
incredibly satisfying dish that can be
prepared in minutes.

4 large brown eggs

1 tablespoon unsalted butter

2 tablespoons onion, finely diced

1 tablespoon fresh chives, chopped
Fleur de sel

Pepper

4 teaspoons osetra caviar

Whisk eggs until yolks and whites are
thoroughly combined. Melt butter in a
heavy medium saucepan over medium-
low heat. Add onion and sauté until
translucent, about three minutes. Add eggs
and cook until they become creamy and
thicken slightly (they should not be lumpy),
whisking constantly and briskly, about two
minutes. Remove from heat. Whisk in
chives. Season eggs to taste with fleur de
sel and pepper. Spoon into serving bowls
and top with caviar, about one teaspoon for
each. Serve with toasted brioche.

PANNA COTTA, CREME FRAICHE,
CARAMEL AND CAVIAR
(Serves 16)

This dessert from Lefebvre is an expert-
level project and a fascinating look at the
labor that goes into a restaurant-quality
dessert. The results are surprising and
profoundly complex in flavor: The salty
caviar against the caramel sauce is savory-
sweet and satisfying.

CARAMEL SAUCE:
1 cup sugar
Ys cup water
1 cup heavy cream

Fill a small bowl or glass with ice water,
and have a pastry brush at the ready.
Combine sugar and water in a two-quart
saucepan and heat over medium-high
heat, stirring until sugar dissolves.

Dip pastry brush into ice water and
brush down inner sides of saucepan so no
sugar builds up on them.

"Turn heat to high and continue to cook
water and sugar mixture until it turns a
dark amber. (It will appear darker in the
saucepan, so test color by dipping a spoon
into mixture and dotting some of it onto
a white plate.) Do not stir mixture except
for gently swirling the pan. As sugar builds
on sides of pan, brush down with ice water.

As soon as mixture reaches the correct
color, slowly and carefully add heavy cream.
Be sure to use a long whisk, and do not put
hands directly over pan. Pour cream by the
side of the pan, and stir with whisk handle
outside the edge. The caramel will foam up,

so it is imperative to add cream slowly to
prevent caramel from spilling over.

Once all the cream is added, if there
are lumps, heat caramel sauce until it
smooths out.

Cool sauce completely. Reserve.

PANNA COTTA:

12% grams gelatin, sheet or powdered

1 cup Bellwether Farms crème fraiche

1 cup heavy cream

1 cup whole milk

У cup sugar

1 vanilla bean, split lengthwise with seeds
scraped out (or 1 teaspoon vanilla paste)

Lightly coat an eight-by-eight-inch
cake pan with spray or liquid oil. Press
a layer of plastic wrap into pan, being
careful to keep it as smooth as possible.
Make sure plastic is pressed into the cor-
ners, but be careful not to tear it. Use a
hard plastic spatula to remove any large
wrinkles by running the flat edge from
the center of pan out to the edges.

Bloom the gelatin by placing it sheet
by sheet into a large container of very
cold water. You may add a few ice cubes,
but the water should be no colder than

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36 degrees. Note: Powdered gelatin may
be substituted gram for gram for sheet
gelatin; however, you must then bloom
the gelatin in precisely three ounces of
cold water.

In a pan with at least a two-quart
capacity mix créme fraiche and heavy
cream. Reserve.

In a small (at least one-quart) saucepan,
heat milk, sugar and vanilla bean pod
with its scraped-out seeds over medium-
high heat until mixture begins to simmer.
Remove from heat. Immediately add
prepared gelatin. If using sheet gelatin,
squeeze as much water as possible from
the sheets by squeezing firmly between
your hands. If using powdered gelatin,
simply add the gelatin, which will have
fully absorbed the water in which it was
bloomed. Stir mixture until gelatin is
fully dissolved.

Stir hot mixture into reserved créme
fraiche mixture. Allow to cool at room
temperature, stirring occasionally, until
mixture feels cool to the touch. This
will ensure vanilla seeds are suspended
throughout panna cotta. Remove vanilla
bean pod.

Pour cooled mixture into the prepared

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pan and refrigerate for at least six hours
to allow gelatin to set. Once it has set, turn
pan upside down onto a cutting board.
Gently pull on plastic to unmold panna
cotta. Using a sharp knife dipped in warm
water, Cut panna cotta into one-inch strips,
then cut these strips in half. This will yield
16 four-by-one-inch strips.

PLATING:

2 teaspoons caramel sauce

1 panna cotta strip

2 teaspoons American sturgeon caviar
Fleur de sel, to garnish

Pour caramel sauce onto center of
an appetizer plate. Using an angled
palette knife or spatula, spread sauce to
form a six-by-two-inch strip that will be
visible when panna cotta is placed on it.
Carefully pick up panna cotta strip and
center it on caramel.

Gather caviar in a line along the edge of
a knife. Drop caviar onto panna cotta strip
in a line centered down long side of strip.
Sprinkle a few grains of fleur de sel over
top of panna cotta.

Ano Ма Yov'&E AT (T, TRG Avid
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Shirts and Skins

RAE, WHITE

he interestingly
named Two In
The Shirt clothing
company enlisted
Miss February
2010 Heather Rae

new American Pride
T-shirt. “She is
amazing and was a
really cool personality
to with,” says
company founder
Marek Grubel.

now an instructor—
and Miss September
2011 any Toth
both adorn T.I.T.S.
tees that are currently
available at Zumiez
and Tilly’s. Of the
company’s name

and acronym Grubel
says, “Everyone loves
them—especially
when they put the
two together.”

Photograph by JOSH RYAN

@AmeliaTalon
Miss June 2012’s
ensemble leaves
little to the
imagination. But
would tan lines
in that pattern
be weird or
what?

Neferteri
Shepherd ; x
found herself The Daily Star
a despondent

- After five ye
of maria pe .
Miss July 2000 . | (

asserted that PMOY
2011 Claire Sinclair,

single mother of wearing this dress
two. But with on the red carpet,
ч stole the spotlight
grace and help from Amanda
she overcame Seyfried and Sharon
the challenge Stone at the Las
3 Vegas premiere
and now lives, of Lovelace.
dynamic Е Our Playmate
life,” This year Promotions team
dispatched seven
created Playmates to the
Single Mom Hard Rock Hotel
Planet, a non- F in Punta Cana,

а ñ Dominican Republic
profit that will for an Кышы Чен
help 50 single қ While there, Miss
mothers find F June 2013 Audrey
Aleen Allen's lips ran
ч N into Enrique Iglesias.
foster the entr Е On the Huffington
neurial ideas 4 Foot Mes March

2 Se aren Witter
of another 100. - Lorre discusses her
method of “orgasmic
meditation," which, she
says, can help women
enjoy ТІ orgasms іп а
single day.

housing and

FLASHBACK J

Miss December 1998 Nicole
Dahm brings Playmate
panache to her newly
opened Lucky
Bastard Saloon in
San Diego. "It's

a Western bar
where people

can let their hair
down,” she told
the San Diego
Union-Tribune.
“We’re going to
pour shots down
people’s mouths.”

LINDSAY LOHAN HEADLINES OUR NEW IMPROVED YEAR IN SEX.

АВЕ WEBCAM GIRLS MAKING EASY MONEY? NOT SO FAST.

NEXT MONTH

THE ELUSIVE ROCK STAR OF GAMING.

JAMES MARSDEN TAKES OFF.

GRAND GAMER—SAM HOUSER, WHO CO-FOUNDED ROCKSTAR
GAMES AND THIS FALL INTRODUCED THE FIFTH INSTALLMENT
OF GRAND THEFT AUTO, IS EITHER THE DEVIL OR A CREATIVE
GENIUS. IN A PROFILE BY HAROLD GOLDBERG, THE FIERCELY
RECLUSIVE HOUSER OPENS UP.

SOLDIERS OF MISFORTUNE—SIX MERCENARIES, EACH
DAMAGED BUT WITH POWERFUL SKILLS, CONSPIRE TO
KIDNAP THE PRESIDENT, COMMANDEER A DYSFUNCTIONAL
WAR MACHINE AND RESHAPE THE WORLD. IT’S A DARK AND
FUNNY VISION BY ROBERT COOVER.

TURNED ON—EVERY DAY THOUSANDS OF WOMEN POINT
WEBCAMS AT THEMSELVES AS THEY STRIP, TALK DIRTY AND
FULFILL STRANGE REQUESTS FROM STRANGERS WHO PAY BY
THE MINUTE. RACHEL R. WHITE REVEALS HOW TECHNOLOGY
HAS RESHAPED PORN, WITH NEWBIES AND VETERANS ALIKE
AIMING TO PLEASE FROM THE BEDROOM NEXT DOOR.

JAMES MARSDEN—THE MODEL TURNED ACTOR WHO PLAYS
WILL FERRELL’S NEMESIS IN ANCHORMAN 2 TELLS DAVID
HOCHMAN IN 200 ABOUT A FEW OF HIS EARLY CELEB
ENCOUNTERS (HOOPS WITH LEO, WATCHING HALLE EAT FAST
FOOD), SHARES A BITING DIRTY JOKE AND EXPLAINS THE
CHALLENGE OF FILMING SCENES WITH TOPLESS WOMEN.

THE TRUTH WILL SET YOU FREE (МАҮВЕ)--/ІМ MCCLOSKEY, А
MINISTER AND FORMER BUSINESS CONSULTANT, HAS HELPED
FREE 51 WRONGLY CONVICTED MEN. BUT AS NEAL GABLER
REPORTS, MCCLOSKEY STILL STRUGGLES WITH HIS FAITH—
IN GOD, OUR JUSTICE SYSTEM AND THE CHOICES HE’S MADE.

THE YEAR IN SEX, SUPERSIZED—FOR THE FIRST TIME, WE COM-
BINE TWO GREAT FEATURES—THE YEAR IN SEX AND SEX IN
CINEMA—INTO ONE HOLIDAY BLOWOUT. YOU'LL LAUGH, YOU'LL
CRY, YOU'LL STARE AT LINDSAY IN THE CANYONS.

FIGHT OF HIS LIFE—IN A MEMOIR OF HIS CHICAGO CHILDHOOD,
STUART DYBEK RECALLS THE DEVASTATING EFFECT BOXING
HAD ON HIS FAMILY, INCLUDING THE LESSONS HE LEARNED
WHEN HE CLIMBED INTO THE RING.

PRESCRIPTION FOR DEATH—IN STRUNG-OUT, HARDSCRAB-
BLE APPALACHIA, THINGS WENT FROM BAD TO WORSE: TOM
HATCHER, MAYOR OF WAR, WEST VIRGINIA, WAS ALLEGEDLY
MURDERED BY HIS DAUGHTER-IN-LAW AND HER BROTHER.
VINCE BEISER INVESTIGATES A SMALL-TOWN TRAGEDY.

PLUS—COLLEGE HOOPS PICKS, HELMUT NEWTON CLASSICS, THE
PLAYBOY INTERVIEW WITH NEW YORK POLICE COMMISSIONER
RAY KELLY, MISS DECEMBER KENNEDY SUMMERS AND MORE.

Playboy (ISSN 0032-1478), November 2013, volume 60, number 9. Published monthly except for combined January/February and July/August issues by Playboy in national and regional editions, Playboy,

9346 Civic Center Drive, Beverly Hills, California 902 10. Periodicals postage paid at Beverly Hills, California and at additional mailing offices. Canada Post Canadian Publications Mail Sales Product Agree-
ment No. 40035534. Subscriptions: in the U.S., $32.97 fora year. Postmaster: Send all UAA to CFS (see DMM 707.4.19.5); nonpostal and military facilities, send address changes to Playboy, PO. Box 37489,
Boone, Iowa 50037-0489. From time to time we make our subscriber list available to companies that sell goods and services by mail that we believe would interest our readers. If you would rather not receive
154 such mailings, please send your current mailing label to: Playboy, PO. Box 37489, Boone, ІА, 50037-0489. For subscription-related questions, call 800-999-4438, or e-mail plycustserv@cdsfulfillment.com.

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THE FIRST STEP IN AVOIDING DANGER: SEEING IT.

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THE 2074 MazDae
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