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MAY 2015

THE INTERVIEW:

BILL MAHER
THE NEW NUDISTS Br шапу 4
SEATTLE POT TOUR Brou sseau -
ACTION BRONSON

20Q WITH
JOSH HARTNETT

MADE WITH LOVE
BY
REALLY REALLY
PRETTY
BLONDE GIRLS

moods of norway

lin a way, PLAYBOY has always been about

hitting the brain's pleasure centers; in

this issue, we're not subtle about it. First,
we're going chemical: You know Viagra, but
you might not know the bizarre story behind
the drug that redefined modern sexuality. In
The Magic Little Blue Pill, | k runs
down its outlandish beginnings at a 1983
urology convention, how it changed the way
we view sex and what lies ahead for sexual-
performance-enhancing drugs (women won't
be forgotten this go-around). As synonymous
with the 19905 as the little blue pill, Goodfel-
las has been cited by many as the greatest
Mob film of all time. Key players, includ-
ing director Martin Scorsese, delve deep
behind the scenes with S
to bring you The Making of the Mafia's Ulti-
mate Home Movie. Rebello also brings us a
200 with J , who returns for
the second season of his hit TV show Penny
Dreadful. The actor explains how his Minne-
sota roots shape his thinking on fame and his
career—which critics maintain he's misman-
aged, and he doesn't disagree.
jr is a man who hits our intel-
lectual sweet spots—who else
can tell it like it is as well as tell
a damn good joke? In a Playboy
Interview by David Hochman,
find out what Maher really thinks
about his fellow Americans—from
their "stupidity" to their sexual
repression—and watch as he
takes on subjects from Fox News
to his seemingly Басар, gun
ownership. J: y deliv-
ers an ШЕНЕ "Sequel to the
story that birthed the legendary
Robert Redford political thriller
Three Days of the Condor. In ШШ
Jasmine Daze of the Condor, the
infamous Condor is released from the CIA
insane asylum where he spent decades and
is dropped straight into the middle of the Arab
Spring. Naturally, all hell breaks loose. Fora
different thrill, M iswaks's Barely Legal
is a first-person look at a new take on an old
subculture—naturism, the millennial rebirth
of nudism. Is it a political movement in the
making? Finally, a trio of contributors deliv-
ers eye candy you'll surely devour: 5 ]
лап takes us for a spin through the
Coachella Valley with a group of uninhibited
beauties in Valley Girls. 0
unearths the sweetest products of the boom-
ing American artisanal movement in The
United Styles of America. And
r, who delivered an artful session of
nude photography with Madonna for our Sep-
tember 1985 issue, returns with Madonna:
The Lost Nudes—never-before-seen photos
from the shoot. So if all the above, including
an intimate sitting with one of the most beau-
tiful and talented women in American history,
doesn't hit your pleasure centers, what will?

Josh Hartnett

"TT ;
o

ORIS

AUTOMATIC

IG CROWN
PROPILOT

PLAYBOY

VOL. 62, МО. 4—MAY 2015

i THE MAGIC

| LITTLE BLUE PILL
It'sthe drugthat
changed Americans"
sexlives. KEVIN COOK
examines how Viagra
made history and what's
coming next.

JASMINE DAZE OF
THE CONDOR
JAMES GRADY's Condor
is back, and he finds his
CIA instincts challenged
like never before.

CONTENTS

THE MAKING

OF THE MAFIA'S
ULTIMATE

HOME MOVIE
Goodfellas was never
expected to be a classic.
STEPHEN REBELLO
talksto the cast and
crew about filming the
surprise hit.

JOSH HARTNETT
The Penny Dreadful star
tells STEPHEN REBELLO
something no actor likes
to admit: Critics were
right about his per.

SCREW U

Anew kind of winemaker
proves you don't have

to be pretentious to

get uncorked. These

are the cans, bags and
contraptions elevating
your inner sommelier.

BILL MAHER

Will the contrarian
comedian and political
firebrand ever calm down?
DAVID HOCHMAN finds
the answer is, thankfully,
exactly what you'd expect.

BARELY LEGAL
MOLLY OSWAKS
uncovers what drives
the next generation of
nudists to disrobe like
their parents.

COVER STORY
Our May issue’s crown
jewel, Brittany Brous-
woman with an
eye for fine jewelry. Our
Rabbit

her

seau,

appens to share
einbling.

VALLEY
GIR А an YE |

PLAYMATE: Brittany Brousseau

STARS: THEY’RE
ALMOST LIKE US
Grace Helbig's rise to an
E! talk show came, oddly,
via YouTube.

8 reviews the new
normal of internet fame.

THE ONLY THING
WE HAVE TO FEAR
lisa wuss,
but at tleast he’s a brave

wuss, and that’s
manhood’s new bar.

WHAT’S PAST
ISN’T PAST
Why does

love beinga
“hate tourist” when
googling her boyfriend’sex?
The devil'sin the details.

TOLERATING THE
INTOLERANT

explains why we need not
heed religious bigots’
calls to tolerate their
discrimination.

THE UNITED
STYLES OF
AMERICA

The hardscrabble roots
ofthe American look
arereborninan artisanal
revolution.

BOUCHER surveys

a handmade scene.

VOL. 62, NO. 4—MAY 2015

PLAYBOY

CONTENTS

MADONNA: THE
LOST NUDES
In1979thethen unknown
butfuture pop icon sat for
an artistic nude shoot with
Martin H.M. Schreiber.
We have the photos
you've never seen before.

THE LAP

OF LUXURY

Miss May Brittany
Brousseau is a country
girl with a penchant for
the finer things. See why
that makes for a surpris-
ingly sultry combination.

VALLEY GIRLS
When it comes to letting
loose in the Coachella
desert sun, forget the
music: Our Playmates
are the definition of
uninhibited.

WORLD OF
PLAYBOY

In the all-new World of
Playboy, the Mansion
plays host to a Hollywood
premiere of Muck and
Victoria Fuller unveils a
pop art project; our
Playmates keep things hot
in all media streams with

200: Josh Hartnett

PLAYBILL
DEAR PLAYBOY
AFTER HOURS

new blogs, web series, ENTERTAINMENT
music videos and more. RAW DATA
PLAYBOY
ADVISOR
8 PARTY JOKES
Quer Өле Quee
G SOCIAL Keep up with all things Playboy at

facebook.com/playboy, twitter.com/playboy
and instagram.com/playboy.

NERAL OFFICES: PLAYBOY. 9346 CIVIC
YBOY ASSUMES NO RESPONSIBILITY

ENTER DRIVE, BEVERLY HILLS. CALIFORNIA 90210,
RETURN UNSOLICITED EDITORIAL OR GRAPHIC OR

UNCONDITIONALLY ASSIGNED FOR PUBLICATION AND COPYRIGHT
WILL BE SUBJECT TO PLAYBOY'S UNRESTRICTED RIGHT TO EDIT AND
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RABBIT HEAD SYMBOL ARE MARKS OF PLAYBOY, REGISTERED U.S.
NO PART OF THIS BOOK MAY BE REPRODUCED, STORED IN A RETRIEVAL
SYSTEM OR TRANSMITTED IN ANY FORM BY ANY ELECTRONIC, MECHANICAL, PHOTOCOPYING OR
RECORDING MEANS OR OTHERWISE WITHOUT PRIOR WRITTEN PERMISSION OF THE PUBLISHER.
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TWO BRADFORD EXCHANGE ONSERTS AND ONE DIRECTV ONSERT IN DOMESTIC SUB-
R/GRIZZLY INSERT BETWEEN PAGES 24 АМО 25 IN ALL
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IFICADORA DE PUBLICACIONES Y REVISTAS ILUSTRADAS DEPENDIENTE DE
BERNACIÓN, MÉXICO. RESERVA DE DERECHOS 04-2000-071710332800-102.

PRINTED IN U.S.A.

A NEW FRAGRANCE FOR HIM
#REVEALMORE

PLAYBOY

HUGH M. HEFNER

editor-in-chief

JIMMY JELLINEK
editorial director
STEPHEN RANDALL deputy editor
MAC LEWIS creative director
JASON BUHRMESTER, HUGH GARVEY executive editors
REBECCA H. BLACK photo director
JARED EVANS managing editor

EDITORIAL
SHANE MICHAEL SINGH associate editor; TYLER TRYKOWSKI assistant editor
COPY: WINIFRED ORMOND сору chief; CAT AUER senior copy editor
RESEARCH: NORA O'DONNELL research chief; SAMANTHA SAIYAVONGSA research editor
STAFF: GILBERT MACIAS editorial coordinator; CHERIE BRADLEY executive assistant
CARTOONS: AMANDA WARREN associale cartoon editor
CONTRIBUTING EDITORS: MARK BOAL, T.C. BOYLE, ROBERT B. DE SALVO, STUART DYBEK, MICHAEL FLEMING, NEAL GABLER, KARL ТАКО GREENFELD, KEN GROSS,
DAVID HOCHMAN, ARTHUR KRETCHMER (automotive), GEORGE LOIS, SEAN MCCUSKER, CHUCK PALAHNIUK, ROCKY RAKOVIC, STEPHEN REBELLO, DAVID RENSIN, WILL SELF,

DAVID SHEFF, ROB MAGNUSON SMITH, JOEL STEIN, ROB TANNENBAUM, CHRISTOPHER TENNANT, DON WINSLOW, HILARY WINSTON, SLAVO] ZIZEK

JAMES ROSEN special correspondent

ART

JUSTIN PAGE managing art director; ROBERT HARKNESS deputy art director; AARON LUCAS art coordinator; LAUREL LEWIS designer

PHOTOGRAPHY
STEPHANIE MORRIS playmate photo editor; MATT STEIGBIGEL photo researcher;
MICHAEL BERNARD, GAVIN BOND, SASHA EISENMAN, JOSH RYAN senior contributing photographers;
DAVID BELLEMERE, CRAIG CUTLER, MATT HOYLE, ELAYNE LODGE, JOSH REED, DAN SAELINGER, PETER YANG Contributing photographers;
KEVIN MURPHY director, photo library; CHRISTIE HARTMANN senior archivist, photo library; KARLA GOTCHER photo coordinator;

DANIEL FERGUSON manager, prepress and imaging; AMY KASTNER-DROWN senior digital imaging specialist; OSCAR RODRIGUEZ Senior prepress imaging specialist

PRODUCTION

LESLEY K. JOHNSON production director; HELEN YEOMAN production services manager

PUBLIC RELATIONS

‘THERESA M. HENNESSEY vice president; TERI THOMERSON director

PLAYBOY ENTERPRISES INTERNATIONAL, INC.

SCOTT FLANDERS chief executive officer

PLAYBOY PRINT OPERATIONS
DAVID G. ISRAEL chief operating officer, president, playboy media;

том FLORES senior vice president, business manager, playboy media

ADVERTISING AND MARKETING
MATT MASTRANGELO senior vice president, chief revenue officer and publisher; MARIE FIRNENO vice president, advertising director;
DAN DRESCHER vice president, integrated sales; RUSSELLSCHNEIDER east coast digital director; AMANDA CIVITELLO vice president, events and promotions
NEW YORK: JENNA COHAN fashion and luxury director; MICHELLE TAFARELLA MELVILLE entertainment and grooming director; ADAM WEBB spirits director;
PATRICK MICHAEL GREENE account director; MAGGIE MCGEE direct-response advertising; JASMINE YU marketing director; KARI JASPERSOHN senior marketing manager;
AMANDA CHOMICZ digital marketing manager; ADRIANA GARCIA art director; ANGELA LEE digital sales planner
CHICAGO: TIFFANY SPARKS ABBOTT midwest director

LOS ANGELES: JONATHAN HOMAN, DINA LITT west coast directors; JENNER PASCUA senior marketing manager

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PLAYBOY / MAY 2015

PLAYMATE

SIGHTINGS

MANSION

FROL

NIGHTLIFE NOTES

MUCK AT THE MANSION

Typically, the Playboy
Mansion is a year-round
Eden of late-night revelry
and moonlit pool parties
populated with buxom
beauties, but for one
night in March, things got
ghastly. To kick off the the-
atrical release of the indie
horror flick Muck, its mak-
ers took to the Mansion

for the premiere. Starring
Kane Hodder and PMOY
2012 Jaclyn Swedberg
(above right), Muck is

the first installment ofa
trilogy by director Steve
Wolsh (above center) and
opens with a group of
friends emerging from a
Cape Cod marsh covered
in blood. Production of

the Kickstarter-t
prequel, Muck: Feast of
Saint Patrick, is already
under way, with PMOY
2013 Raquel Pomplun
and PMOY 2014 Kennedy
Summers (above left) to
star. Three PMOYs in one
franchise? If there were
an award for best casting,
surely this would win.

Playboy

PRESENT

“ As Mad Men as key-holding
delivers its members of
swan song the Playboy
this month Club, accord-

PLAYBOY salutes
the show that
gave us seven
sexy seasons of
nostalgia. Back
in the 1960s,
Madison Avenue
tastemakers
were the
epitome of suc-
cess, style and
class—as well

ing to AMC's
hit series. Don
Draper, seated
at the New
York club, says
about his posh
corner office:
"| think the
view's better
here." Draper
always was a
smart guy.

NEWS

PLAYMATE

BEAUTY SHOP
* Steve Harvey
asked Miss Decem-
ber 1979 Candace
Jordan to give
two female guests
makeovers, because
Playmates know a
thing or two about
looking good.

GYM BUNNY g"
“ Miss December wir]
2010 Ashley d

Hobbs has
launched a new
Tumblr blog, The
Kailua Bunny,
where she'll dish

out advice on
healthy living.

PLAYBOY

IN FULLER COLOR

my art in
someday,” says Miss January
1996 Victoria Fuller in her Playmate
pictorial. Years later, our resident “art
throb” is doing just that. In Febru-

ary, the Playmate turned pop artist

displayed her work for L.A. socialites

FOLLOW THE
RABBIT

• Want to become a
PLAYBOY insider? Our
new Snapchat account
is a digital portal to
PLAYBOY's inner sanctum
featuring unprecedent-
ed, Hef-level access. Get
exclusive messages from
your favorite Playmates,
watch behind-the-scenes
videos of photo shoots
as they happen, enjoy
sunny views from the
Mansion grounds and
receive a VIP pass to
events at our Beverly
Hills headquarters and
around the world.
Simply download and
launch the app, center
our unique account
code (above) in your
camera frame and

snap a picture. You'll
automatically become
one of our followers and
receive a daily windfall
of goods. Any peeks
inside the Grotto, you
ask? You'll just have to
follow and see.

(including actress Caitlin O'Connor,
below left) at a red-carpet showcase
titled The Beauty Code. Hosted by Hol-
lywood’s NWO Art Gallery, the expo
included neon treatments of such
pop culture icons as the Barbie doll,
Marilyn Monroe and, yes, Playmates.

со
o

BRITTANY
SPARES
* Feeling indul-
gent? Check
out extras and
outtakes from
Miss May 2015
Brittany Brous-
seau's super-
luxe shoot.

HIGHLIGHT
REEL
• Playboy.com's
video series
This Month in
Playboy History
is а three-minute
dose of didacti-
cism you'll
actually enjoy.

PICTURE
THIS
* A picture is
worth some
words, they say.
Our Playmates
talk about their
best shots in
Show You My
Instagram.

GAME STOP

* As the new co-host
of the web series
Gamer Next Door,
Miss June 2012
Amelia Talon took
her button-mashing

DREAM WEAVER

* In the whimsi-
cal music video for
CLMD's dance
track “Keep Dream-
ing,” Miss October
2011 Amanda

skills to 20155 Cerny is anything
Game Developers but a manic pixie
Conference. dream girl.

HOT MIKE
* Miss March
2015 Chelsie
Aryn stopped by
her hometown
radio station to
promote her issue.
Local listeners
called it fine
tuning.

Drive Time

William Wheeler’s excellent article
evokes the seductive world of Cuba’s
car culture, conjuring fond memories of
long hours I’ve spent with the country’s
wizard automotive aficionados (Engine
Trouble, March). It’s not just drag rac-
ers who suffer from motor madness;
one in four passenger cars in Cuba is an
Eisenhower-era relic—the island is like
an automotive Jurassic Park.

Wheeler paints an accurate portrait of
Cuba's sclerotic communist system. Alas,
he points blame only in passing at the
U.S. embargo, which for five decades
has slammed the door on U.S. auto-parts
shipments to Cuba. Hopefully President
Obama's recent diplomatic overtures
will ease up on the extraordinary people
who keep their weary cacharros running
with ingenuity and indefatigable deter-
mination. (True, U.S. citizens can now
visit Cuba on “people-to-people” pro-
grams, such as the motorcycle tours 1

HEAVENLY HOMEBODY
Ellen von Unwerth's photos of Guess
model Gia Genevieve (Home Sweet Home,
March) are absolutely stunning. 1 hope
this means a woman photographer is
joining PLayBoY's team. You have an
incredibly talented bunch of photog-
raphers; І would love to see Unwerth
alongside Josh Ryan and Sasha Eisen-
man as a regular contributor.
Lauren Danton
Toronto, Ontario
Ellen von Unwerth's talent and eye for creat-
ing flirtatious, sexy images that can be enjoyed
by men and women alike are unsurpassed. We
plan to work with her as much as we can. Have
you seen her April pictorial of Azealia Banks?

Gia Genevieve is the perfect example
of why I have been a loyal subscriber for
20 years. Keep up the good work.

AJ Sample
Des Moines, lowa

The image of Gia Genevieve on page

7 of the March issue is the sexiest Table of

Contents picture PLAYBOY has ever printed.
Gregg Moore

Concord, New Hampshire

lead there—a chance to pack a few
carburetors in your suitcase.) But the
embargo needs to end. Cuba's Detroit
dowagers serve as ambassadors that
bind the two nations. Should these
classics disappear, Cuba will lose
much of its charm.
Christopher P. Baker
Palm Springs, California
Baker is author of Cuba Classics: A Cel-
ebration of Vintage American Automobiles.

Engine Trouble has two things I’m
passionate about: classic cars and
Cuba. Luiz Maximiano’s photos are
excellent. What's the status of the doc-
umentary mentioned by the writer?

Javier Perez
Miami, Florida

Havana Motor Club, the documentary
by Bent-Jorgen Perlmutt, premiered at
this year's Tribeca Film Festival in New
York City. Perlmutt is currently seeking
distribution for the film.

PLAYING DODGEBALL

How easily one can be fooled by an
actor's on-screen personas. 1 was dis-
appointed with how tone-deaf Vince
Vaughn (Playboy Interview, March) sounds
regarding social and political issues; for
example, he believes affirmative action
is about race, not underserved groups.
Vaughn's privileged background and
life have shielded him from the reality of
living in America. It’s time to grow up,
Peter Pan; this isn't a movie with a man-
made happy ending.

РЈ Murphy
Mystic, Connecticut

Vince Vaughn is so money.
Paul Pruitt
Tarpon Springs, Florida

Kudos to Vaughn for having the
courage to call out affirmative action.
Having worked at large global corpo-
rations where public perception and
political correctness are king, I have
witnessed firsthand the negative im-
pact of the practice.

Pedro Herrero
Franklin, Tennessee

ALL OUR LITTLE WORDS
The definition of meritocracy that Fed
chairman Ben Bernanke presented in
his commencement address at Prince-
ton is the complete opposite of what
I've always understood the meaning to
be (*The Failure of Meritocracy," Forum,
March). Perhaps the word Bernanke was
searching for to fit his definition—"a
system in which people luckiest in their
health and genetic endowment, in family
support, encouragement and probably
income...reap the largest rewards"—was
either aristocracy or plutocracy.
William Hall
San Francisco, California

I appreciate Chris Lehmann’s article
about Bernanke's incorrect interpretation
of meritocracy. I liked the examination of
such a granular issue and found myself
wishing more journalists would take this
in-depth approach to investigating politi-
cians’ language—I’m so sick of the super-
ficial coverage on the nightly news. Then I
remembered: Bernanke's not a politician,
and politicians never mean what they say.

Chris Taylor
Detroit, Michigan

PEDAL TO THE METAL
In “The Great Car Breakdown” (Talk,
March) Matt McCue discusses expensive
sports cars as status symbols but leaves
out the most important reason we want
one: the rush of drivingit. Getting thrust
back into your seat milliseconds after
flooring your right foot is infinitely bet-
ter than “showing off to the neighbors”—
unless, of course, the neighbor happens
to be a Playmate.
Keith Giesbrecht
Toronto, Ontario

AD ASTRA PER ASPERA

When privatized space travel becomes
more affordable and reliable 1 will gladly
put down the money to be part of such
a trip (“You’re Never Going to Space,”
Forum, March). Гуе dreamed ofbecoming
an astronaut and floating in space since
I was a child. Just thinking about see-
ing Earth from far above gives me goose

YOU'RE NEVER
GOING TO SPACE |
end nd oma

bumps. Anyone who wants to explore the
unknown looks at space travel as a great
adventure; it is the next logical step in the
evolution of mankind. Ifyou don’t believe
civilian space travel will happen soon, you
must have your head in the clouds.

Yuri Cataldo

Elkhart, Indiana

BEST IN THE WEST
Thank you for Miss March Chelsie
Aryn (Once Upon a Time in the West). There
is something magical about her; she has
innate charisma, a never-say-die attitude
and undeniable beauty. As a longtime
PLAYBOY reader and subscriber, I feel
Chelsie Aryn’s campaign to win 2016
Playmate of the Year is already under way.
David Reeves
Edmonton, Alberta

I'm a huge PLAYBOY fan and think
Chelsie Aryn is one of the most gorgeous

Chelsie Aryn looks great from any angle.

women ever to grace the Centerfold. I’m

also a gay male, and that should count as

extra flattering—she nearly turned me!
Josh Fehrens
Toronto, Ontario

Chelsie Aryn is beautiful, but to have all
nine shots from the same front-view angle
is a shame. How about another photo?

Chris Olson
Port Townsend, Washington

What can we say; we found her front mes-
merizing. To see more of Chelsie, check out our
Valley Girls pictorial on page 92.

NO T FOR YOU?

Men who suffer from age-related testos-
terone decline, or “menoporsche,” would
do well to think twice before undertaking
the risky business of testosterone replace-
ment in lieu of more traditional remedies

How LowT
Became the Disease
Du Jour

(How Low Т Became the Disease Du Jour,
January/February). Hormone therapy
may well succeed in replenishing men’s
sexual desires, but it makes no promises
regarding their satisfaction.
Vince Evans
Baltimore, Maryland

WHISKEY BUSINESS
Your article on scotch was a great way
to start the new year (“Hop Scotch,”
Drink, January/February), but whisky
from Scotland is spelled without an E.
And as Гтп sure many readers will point
out, happily diving “into the depths of
Scotland’s national spirit with obsessive
abandon” is not, as the article suggests,
limited to men. Many senior executive
positions in Scotland’s whisky industry
are held by women; women form an
integral part of distillery tasting panels
and, of course, are knowledgeable and
valued consumers.
John Peacock
Grand Manan, New Brunswick
When it comes to scotch, we’re more inter-
ested in sipping than spelling; however, we'll
stick with “whiskey,” which is what Merriam-
Webster’s 11th Edition recommends, no mat-
ler the spirit’s provenance, and therefore the
spelling our Copy Chief prefers. (We're fairly
certain the added E has no effect on flavor,
but we'll keep experimenting to be sure.) We
couldn't agree more that women should explore
the wonderful world of whiskey.

DEAR DAN
Іп Dan Savage's zeal to encourage
everyone to find the perfect fuck partner,
he practically dismisses all other aspects of
interpersonal relationships (Pla
view, January/February). He says that in
a healthy relationship the partners must
be a good match sexually; if they aren't,
they should break up. But then he says
cheating is acceptable—so even if a couple
doesn’t match sexually, it’s okay. He seems
oblivious of differing emotional needs and
life goals. He offers no real guidelines or
rules. Just satisfy your sexual urges and
all will be well, at least in Savage’s world.
Adam Nunez
Bloomington, Indiana
We're huge fans of Dan’s, but if it’s rela-
tionship guidance you need, may we suggest
the Playboy Advisor?

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BECOMING
ATTRACTION

“I'M NOT JUST
a dreamer,” says
actress Fernanda
E Romero. “I'm a
Ë dreamer who
A 3 E makes my dreams
reality." There's no
doubt Fernanda is
the kind of woman
our dreams are
made of. Born and
raised in Mexico
/ ~ City, the multi-
lingual mujer bella
| inherited her pas-
sion for life from
a country known
for fiery women.
She has used it
to find success in
multiple mediums,
from acting in films
alongside Jessica
Alba and Dane
Cook to singing
as the lead vocal-
ist of indietronic
rock duo White
Cherries. “Music is
like my little diary,”
she says. This sum-
mer Fernanda
plans to tour Latin
America with her
band before the
release of several of
her movies. “I'm a
strong, adventurous
woman,” she says.
“I'm unstoppable.”

TALK| WHAT MATTERS NOW

ONE FOR THE МОМЕҮ

n basketball his-

tory, the January

27, 2015 game

between the Miami

Heat and the

Milwaukee Bucks
at American Airlines
Arena won't hold much
significance. In boxing
history, however, this
random regular-season
contest between East-
ern Conference fringe
contenders is already
the stuff of legend.

Tt was at that game
that Manny Pacquiao
(below), grounded in
southern Florida by a
nor'easter that scuttled
his flight plans, and
Floyd Mayweather
(right), а semi-regular
at Heat games, had
their first ever face-
to-face conversation.

А 30-second courtside
chatgave wayto an
hour-long postgame
powwow in Pacquiao's
hotel room, which
led—24 long days later—
toasigned contract for
thetwo boxers to finally
face off after five years

of back-and-forth. The
mega-fight will become
reality on May 2 atthe
MGM Grandin Las
Vegas, thanks tothe
fortuitous encounter at
abasketball game that

enabled the principals to
discuss theirintentions,
lay out theirissuesand

cut through the bullshit.

Fight or flight?
Pacquiao couldn't catch
thelatter, so he and
Mayweather are finally
doing the former.

This fight should
have happened in 2010,
when both fighters were
more dominant in-ring
forces. But plans for
a2010 face-off were
scuttled after May-
weather insisted on
random blood testi
and Pacquiao refi
Mayweather fans con-
sequently felt Pacquiao
had something (о hide;
Pacquiao fans felt May-
weather intentionally
sabotaged the fight with
unprecedented requests
in order to protect his
undefeated record.

The fight seemed
officially dead when
Juan Manuel Márquez
knocked out Pacquiao
in 2012, butthe beloved
Filipino has since
revivedhis career with
three impressive wins,
while Mayweather
unexpectedly struggled
intwo bouts against
Marcos Maidana
last year. Suddenly
amatchup ofa still-
undefeated 38-year.
Mayweather anda
recovered-from-
unconsciousness
36-year-old Pacquiao
swung back to being, on
paper, the toughest pos-
sible fight for either at
their preferred weight.

Boxing novices will
say this fight is too little
too late, but the matchup
of the consensus num-
ber one (Mayweather)
and number two (Pac-
quiao) pound-for-pound
boxers is possibly the
biggest event the sport
of boxing has staged

-old

since Muhammad Ali
and Joe Frazier settled
all disputes over the
heavyweight title in
1971 at Madison Square
Garden. This match
also pairs the number
one (Mayweather) and
number two (Pacquiao)
boxing draws. The purse

splitis going 60-40 in
“Money” Mayweather's
favor, and early esti-
matesarethathe

could pocketarecord
$150 million to Pac-
Man's would-have-been-
a-record $100 million.
The fight is projected

tosurpass the previous
best pay-per-view buy
rate by about 20 percent.
Onthe line are the
legitimate welterweight
title, the unofficial
pound-for-pound title
and the highly unoffi-
cial title of best boxer of
their generation. While
alot has changed in five
years, those stakes have
remained the same.
Everybody involved will
make money. Somebody
involved will make
history.—Eric Raskin

SEE FOR
YOUR
SELFIE

HOW MUCH IS YOUR SELFIE WORTH?
MEET THE PEOPLE CASHING IN

n January, Ryder Ripps, а 28-уеаг-
old conceptual artist in New York
City, debuted an art exhibit devoted
entirely to one woman’s Instagram
account. The exhibition, Ho, com-
prised reappropriated and manipu-
lated images of Adrianne Ho, a fitness
model who gets paid by Nike, Supreme
and other major companies to post photos
of herself wearing their gear. Her brand-
influenced selfies, shared with more than
300,000 followers, are a “constant reflex-
ive feedback loop of ego,” says Ripps,
whose show, which included the painting
at right, was covered by press from the
art world to The New York Times.
Together, Ripps and Ho (who had no
involvement in Ripps’s show and recently
blocked him on Instagram) represent
more than just a Warholian artist and
his muse. They reflect anew movement
in which artists, nonartists and corpo-
rations alike are capitalizing on—and
commodifying—the banal ubiquity of self-
ies, turning them into not only fine art but
also marketing tools and cold, hard cash.
“I was surprised by how quickly brands
began to approach me to have their
products showcased in my selfies,” says
Denelle Kennedy (below), a 26-year-old
London photographer who exhibited a col-
lection of selfies in Toronto last year. She
describes the collection, titled Celfie, as a
“deliberate overkill of Instagram clichés,
calling attention to carefully considered
yet seemingly spontaneous product place-
ments and the ridiculousness ofit all.”
Ultimately, she refused to collaborate,
saying sponsorship made her uncomfort-
able. “I was fascinated by theirtactics
to have me do the
dirty work for
them, sharing their
brand and market-
ingit essentially for
free,” she says.
That's not to say
Kennedy hasn't
cashed in. She's
sold some pieces
for as much as
$3,000. “I don't

think it's crazy that a selfie will sell in
atraditional art context,” she says. “To
me the issue seems to be that it's readily
available, so why pay for it?”

So what makes one selfie worth more
than another? For starters, exposure. The
world's most famous selfie—the snapshot
Ellen DeGeneres took at the 2014 Oscars
with 10 A-list actors—is, accordingto
one advertising exec, worth $800 million
because of its virality, and that's not includ-
ing the moolah Samsung paid to put its
Galaxy smartphone in the host’s hands.

Another factor is whether selfie takers
position their photos as art. In 2013, the
same year Oxford Dictionaries crowned
selfie its word of the year, 19 artists in
London sold video slide shows of their
selfies for $500 after a public exhibition.
Last October, a group of performance art-
ists took pictures of themselves in New
York’s Union Square for an hour and sold
the shots to onlookers for $25 a pop.

Could your зе ће soon be hanging та
stranger's living room? Consider this: A
photo Buzz Aldrin took of himself in space
48 years ago recently went to auction,
marketed as “the first space selfie.” Its
sale price: $9,200.—Shane Michael Singh

The Queen
COLLECTED

TALK | WHAT MATT

ACTION
BRONSON

The rapper they call Bronsolinoisa300-pound
gorilla of crass Queens mythology rolled up in
old-school hip-hop swagger and spiked with ref-
erences to 1990s sports and gourmet food. He’s
either the Scorsese-meets-Ghostface future of
rap ог a doped-out former chef with punch lines
designed for maximum internetimpact. Judg-
ing by the title of his latest, Mr. Wonderful, he
doesn't care what you think either way. Butifa
Grand Theft Auto-Top Chef mashup sounds like
agood concept for arap album, that’s the appeal.

What's Mr.
Wonderful about?

Me, you
know? It's a piece of
beautiful art, a musical,
but not one of those
uppity ones. This is Cats
at the Garden Theater,
off-Broadway Larry
David-type shit

How do
you keep your beard
so luscious?

| eat a lot of
pussy. It’s а!) that pussy
juice dripping into
my beard. And cocoa
butter and chopped-
up pieces of bacon
It's nasty, but it's kind
of delicious. No, I'm

joking. My beard is all
natural. | swear | don't
do anything to it. |
was just blessed with
amazing facial hair. I'm
part lion.

You'rea
huge pothead and a
chef. Run down an
edible recipe we could
make for our girlfriend.

| would
make weed-infused
caramel brittle with
candied nuts. And then
you get some cream.
steep the weed in
there, make ice cream,
freeze it, then infuse
it with the caramel
sauce as well, turn

that into brittle, chip
the brittle, stick it in
the ice cream, serve,
and you're definitely
getting your asshole
licked. But everything
is sweet with weed. I'm
Sick of it. Weed goes
better with pasta or
cauliflower.

For as much
as you get done та
day, you don't drink
coffee. What keeps your
energy up?

I'm high on
life, just natural energy.
| eat alot of almonds.
It's all about that
almond life—eating raw
almonds at all times.

ILLUSTRATION BY RYAN SNOOK

GOOD
TIMES
FAST

he most eye-grabbing
Kickstarter projects
involve a certain level of
fantasy, such as а calorie-
burning shirt you can wear
to a board meeting. Behold
Whiskey Elements, small cured sticks
of oak that are designed both to improve
the flavor of peon-grade whiskey and
clean out the hangover-inducing debris

Тће 1деа of Portland, Oregon entrepre-
neur Tony Peniche and his team was to
update whiskey technology by taking the
same American oak used to make bar-
rels, laser-cut it down to something the
size ofa Lincoln Log, notch the new stick
to expose the wood's capillaries and cure
the wood for flavor. Then the stick goes
directly into a bottle of cheap whiskey.
“The barrel is an inefficient design,”
Peniche says. “We need to redesign it
to let the liquid filter through the wood
more efficiently.” Efficient as in whiskey
“aged” for a single day that tastes as if it
had been in a barrel for three years.

It isn’t that the process defies space
and time. The difference between cheap
and expensive whiskey is usually the
amount of toxins in the bottle; as a
whiskey ages, the toxins are filtered out.
When a four-year-old Jim Beam exposed

to a Whiskey Element was compared
with its 12-year-old big brother, the
amount of toxins remaining was almost
identical. “People forget age isn’t a fla-
vor,” Peniche says. “It can be measured
only in a lab or based on your hangover.”
It’s asimple product surrounded by

After Hunter
S. Thompson's
death in 2005, the
gonzo journalist's
family and friends,
including Johnny
Depp, fulfilled his
wishes and fired

skepticism, given its defiance of cen-
turies of tradition. But in the coming
years, as distilleries struggle to keep
up with demand, devices like Whiskey
Elements may ђе a saving grace. Or at
least save you from a head-splitting
morning after.—Max Plenke

GONZO SPIRIT

his ashes out ofa
cannon on his farm
in Woody Creek,
Colorado. The
ashes descended
onto a potato farm
belonging to his
neighbor—Woody

Creek Distillers.
Those crops have
been distilled into
the company's lat-
est potato vodka.
We recommend a
bottle and a road
trip to Las Vegas.

DRINK

DAIQUIRI
REWIND

THE RUM COCKTAIL IS REVIVED
BY THE MIXOLOGY REVOLUTION

fthere’s such athingasa

mixology lesson in aglass,

it's the classic daiquiri. In its

ideal form it's simply potent

rum, tart lime, a little simple
syrup to balance the two and ice to
chill it down. While Technicolor
machine-made frozen margaritas
destroyed the drink's rep for a couple
of decades, it's now being reclaimed
by skilled bartenders who consider
it a cocktail with cred. Think of it as
the springtime equivalent of the old-
fashioned: an unimpeachably awe-
some vintage drink that's making a
comeback. Here's how it began, lost
its way and became better than ever.

A Daiquiri
Done Right
Some recipes add grapefruit and

maraschino juice, but try this
stripped-down version first.

INGREDIENTS - DIRECTIONS

2 ог. carta Combine іп-
blanca rum 1 gredients іп a
Toz-freshly + cocktail shaker
squeezed i with ice, shake
lime juice vigorously for
Y, oz. simple 10-seconds,
syrup i then strain into

a cocktail glass.

1970s

The

Renaissance

Bartenders tired
of 17-ingredient
mixology realized ІҒ
they used damn fine
rum, fresh lime and
perfect ice, they'd
have a drink that's
tough to beat. And
now the frozen dai-

me the gold 5
affordable, reliable and widely

quiri is coming back
thanks to tiki bars
such as Three Dots
and a Dash, which
serves a fresh ba-
nana daiquiri made
with three rums and
garnished with a
dolphin-banana

Hemingway Days

Ernest “Papa”
Hemingway was
introduced to the
daiquiri (said to
have been invented
in Cuba by Ameri-
can miner Jennings

The preponder-
ance of frozen-drink
machines, spring-
break culture,
crappy rum, artificial
food coloring and
general poor taste
all contributed to the

А.

RUM АМО RUMMER

white rum. Havana

andard

Cox) at Намапа'5
Floridita bar.
Hemingway liked
his double strength,
earning the cocktail
the nickname papa
doble.

daiquiri becoming
asymbol of good
times gone bad
Smart men rightly
stayed away from it.
Stupid men, and the
drink's reputation,
paid the price

de from tk

de Cana (3) An

ESSENTIAL GEAR.

SWISS ® MADE

(

Colormark Мо. 3053.25th: 44mm, carbon reinforced polycarbonate case and case back,

tempered scratch resistant mineral crystal, water resistant to 200 meters, signature black PU
strap, and Luminox self-powered illumination. Swiss Made.

Preferred timepiece of outdoor enthusiasts.

Available at Cabela’s and Other Fine Retailers Nationwide.

www.luminox.com

facebook.com/Luminox |]

‘~ VISIBLE

Constant Glow for up to 25 Years.

NO BARBECUE? NO
PROBLEM; INFUSE YOUR
FOOD WITH SMOKE USING
THIS CHEF TRICK

PUFF
LOVE
The Smoking
Gun runs on
AA batteries
and flavors
food in mere
seconds.
($100,
polyscience
culinary.com)

or all the pleasures of cooking slow and low

over smoldering wood, the reality is that

few men have the time to stoke a smoker

every time they want food tinged with the

sultry kiss of hickory or mesquite. With
summer not quite here, we sing the praises of the
Smoking Gun, aremarkably easy-to-use tool brought
to market by the clever minds at PolyScience that

Photography by SATOSHI

E
lets you quickly add smoked flavor to cooked and

raw foods. Simply load the gun with a pinch of wood
chips (jars of aromatic woods come packaged with
the gun), turn it on and fire smoke into the food-
containing vessel of your choosing: a pot holding a
piece of sushi-grade salmon or a ziplock bag of cooked
carnitas, for example. Give the smoke a few minutes
to infuse, and voilà —smoky flavor without any fire.

BLEND IN
To add
smoke to
salsas or amp
up the woodsy
flavor of mez-
cal margaritas:
Add ingredi
5 to blend=
shoot in

SHAKE IT
urbon
drinks lend
the
additional

e cocktail.

ZIP IT

- Put some-
thing delicious
(butter, choco-

late, cooked

bacon, sliced
tomatoes for a
BLT) ina freez-

er bag, fire in

some smoke

and there you
have it: better-
tasting food.

FOOD STYLING BY VICTORIA GRANOF

Handsome
Cycle’s Devil
Ultimate
Commuter
makes a serious
style statement.
($2,000, handsome
cycles.com)

STYLE

BESPOKES

TWO-WHEEL TAILORING FOR
THE NEW URBAN COMMUTER

iking to work on city
streets has become a
new vehicle for style,
inspiring a wave of
high-performance
haberdashery.

After all, you can’t walk into the

office wearing a sweaty jersey

and sausage-casing shorts or

a cacophony of too-loud colors

and athletic logos and still hope

to preserve any shred of your

professional mojo. The best offerings

of the cycling style revolution are

reworked masculine mainstays cut

from high-tech cloth, in a refined

color palette and tricked out with

functional details.—Vincent Boucher

Gear

Crank Up
Your Style

1. Blazer helmets. The
Saddles Watts, with its

signature brim,
> "
San Francisco: remains the com-
based Parker

Dusseau's pany's most rec-
stretch-cotton ognizable model.

commuter blazer
is breathable
and water re-
pellent. Extra
style points for
reflective collar
trim and Italian
gunmetal snaps.

• $60, bern
unlimited.com

> Badass but
city savvy, this
pair of mirrored
acetate sun-
glasses comes
from Paul Smith's

* $425, parker
dusseau.com

2. Pack cycling-themed
Leader collection.

= The leather-

trimmed, water- * $325,
resistant-canvas mrporter.com
Pickwick back-

packreflects 5. Roll With It
Brooks England's pr er свег rer

= Rapha’s cy-
cling jeans are
made from a
stretch fabric

century-old
cycling expertise.

MC that's more abra-
mrporter.com sion resistant
than regular den-
3. Heads-Up im. The reflective
> Bern's graphic inside the
action-sports right leg makes
beginnings bring you easy to spot.
street style to
its line of bike * $220, rapha.cc

TRAVEL

Bring Your ID
> The legal age
is 21, and the
security guard
(the menacing-
looking fellow

at the front cash топеу—ће
door) will want kind that crum-
to see proof in ples. (Though,
the form of valid if you space out
government- about it, most
issued identi- shops have on-
fication. Debit site ATMs.) How
and credit cards much cash? That
aren't accepted, depends, but as
so you'll also of mid-January
need some good the price fora
old-fashioned single gram was
hovering around
$22. (Wash-

ington state
law limits each
transaction to
one ounce.)

SPACE
TRAVEL

IT'S HIGH TIME TO NAVIGATE
SEATTLE'S BUDDING CANNABIS
TOURISM SCENE

olorado made head-
lines when it became
the first state to
legalize marijuana for
recreational use. But
the state of Washington wasn't
far behind, getting into the ganja
game in July 2014. Since it hasn't
yet captured the imagination and
enthusiasm of freshly minted pot
tourists the way Colorado has,
it’s the proper place to pursue а
newly legal buzz. Even Seattle,
the state's largest city, serves up
a relatively crowd-free stoner
scene—and plenty of activities to
keep your recently expanded mind
entertained. Here are afewthings
to remember if you decide to
skedaddle to Seattle for a weekend
as a weed warrior.

Find Your
Way

> Don't expect

а pot shop оп
every block. As
of early 2015,
only a handful of
stores were open
for business in
Seattle. The best
way to find them
is to search online
using one of the
many location-
based services
created expressly
for that purpose—
Weedmaps is a
good one; Leafly
is another. Make
sure you filter

the results with
the keyword
recreational,
since medical-
marijuana shops
fall under a differ-
ent set of regula-
tions. A third site,
Kush Tourism,
maintains a con-
tinually updated
directory that's
easy to navigate.

Shop Right

> Three shops

in particular are
worth mention-
ing. The first two
are fairly close to
one another and
about 2.5 miles
south ofthe
city’s famed Pike
Place Market in
the SoDo (south
of downtown)
neighborhood:
Cannabis City
(2733 Fourth
Avenue South)
holds the distinc-
tion of being

the first Seattle
store to open
under the new
state law; Ganja
Goddess (3207
First Avenue
South) stakes out
the high end of

the market and
offers amind-
blowing range of
cannabis. (Ona
recent visit some
42 varieties were
neatly listed on
a chalkboard.)
About two miles
due east of Pike
Place is Uncle
Ike's (2310 East
Union Street),
which claims

to have the
lowest prices in
the state. That
may be, but any
money you save
on your purchase
will likely be
spent at its next-
door "glass and
goods" store,
which cheerfully
sells everything
from papers,
pipes and vape
pens to pot-leaf-
emblazoned
socks and Uncle
Ike's T-shirts.

Don’t Blaze
in Public

> Marijuana

can be legally
consumed in
Washington

only on private
property. Some
weed-friendly
hotels (Kush
Tourism lists a
handful) offer
enclosed outdoor
spaces, balconies
and even potting
sheds (get it?)
where guests

can legally fire
up. Two other
options: Book a
hotel room where
cigarette smok-
ing is permitted
(that means pot
can be smoked
there too), or plan
to partake via
vaporizer. When
in doubt, ask.
The folks at the
artsy downtown
Hotel Max (620
Stewart Street),
for example, were
happy to share

a preprinted
“Seattle Cannabis
FAQ"—available
at the front desk.

ILLUSTRATION BY JUSTIN METZ

=
а
Oo
[ré
> ，
с.
0 =
i
=

or to Sc

aces but
imple

je control, d m h Í і
1 tmo inre

тој, active с Б e
OP AA n a t could

power:

GEAR UP

Explorer Jacket

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The best off-road
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FURY ROAD

bello

ephen R

* “This movie is one long, highly immersive chase
where our main character looks for meaning in a
world gone insane. Every single character is in extre-
mis, and there's dialogue only when it's an absolute
necessity.” That's George Miller talking about his lat-
est, Mad Max: Fury Road, the director's self-described
“Western on wheels" and the fourth in the futuristic
action franchise about a vengeance-seeking ex-cop
turned road warrior that kicked off in 1979 with

Mad Max. With Mel Gibson having aged out ofthe

* Before dismissing as a money grab
this Blu-ray of Martin Scorsese's

haunted-loner role that put him on the map, Tom
Hardy takes over as the laconic hero who hurtles
across a hostile postapocalyptie wasteland aboard

a War Rig commanded by kick-ass ruler Charlize
Theron while being pursued by desperate characters.
"Time will tell how people will react,” says Miller, who
directed the original trilogy starring Gibson. "Though
Тот and Mel are different people from different gen
erations and with different life experiences, they have
in common a powerful charisma arising out of animal
magnetism. They're accessible yet ultimately mysteri-
ous. You've never seen a female action character like
the full-throttle road warrior Charlize Theron plays;
she'sunmistakably female but has absolutely no van-
ity and completely inhabits her role. I hope people
leavethe theater having been fully immersed in a real
movie movie. We've already written the scripts for two
other films if audiences respond to this опе”

GOODFELLAS: 25TH
ANNIVERSARY EDITION

— Alexis Knapp

is smoking in the
2014 sci-fi thriller

The Anomaly

(pictured). See her
reprise her earlier
role as Stacie—the
sexually charged

a capella singer

and Barden Bellas
member—in Pitch

Perfect 2.

1990 gangster masterpiece (see also
The Making of the Mafia's Ultimate
Home Movie, page 56), consider the
extra loot. Besides the film—the true
story of mobster Henry Hill—which
features Ray Liotta's best perfor-
mance and an Oscar-winning turn
by Joe Pesci, this package offers
anew 1080p transfer, a 36-page
photo book and every bonus
feature from past releases. Best
extra: an all-new documentary
including interviews with Robert
De Niro, Jack Nicholson, Leonardo
DiCaprio and more. УУХУ

AVENGERS:
AGE OF
ULTRON

о: Who is Ultron,
and why does
he make such a
good bad guy?

A: He's the
brainchild of

Tony Stark. He's
a good antago-
nist because he
represents all
the ideals of the
Avengers and
hates them for
falling short of

those ideals. He's

fun because he's
not only a robot
but also the most
volatile and illogi-
cal guy in the

room. He's just a

hothead.

: So is this a
darker Avengers?
What's the tone?

A: I'd say the
dominant tone
is blind despera-
tion. In the midst
of all this high
adventure, every-
one in the movie
gets put through
the wringer so
heavily, and they
fall apart so
totally. They're
all scrambling
to make up for
the harm they've
done while blam-
ing each other
and blaming
themselves.

Q: What moment
in the film are you
happiest with?
A: There's a fight
sequence that's
one of the most
delicately crafted
and viscerally
lovely things
I've ever shot. It
will be finished
roughly 20 min-
utes before we
show the film. It is
an absolute, insane
puzzle.—S.R.

MUST-WATCH

HAP

By Josef Adalian

• Despite the title, virtually
nobody in creator Shalom Aus-
lander's new Showtime comedy
seems remotely satisfied with
their existence—least ofallthe
show’s central character, adver-
tising exec Thom Payne (the
great Steve Coogan). Our man is
in full midlife career meltdown
when we meet him, struggling
with the recent reality that he

now reports to a catchphrase-
spouting 25-year-old hotshot
from Sweden whose idea of bril-
liance is ditching the Keebler
elves for something more “viral.”
Payne flirts with quitting but
ultimately decides to take the
advice of his mentor (Bradley
Whitford): “Marketer, rebrand
thyself.” Happyish at times is

all over the map, unsure of what

it wants to be. And yet, anyone
born before 1980 will sympa-
thize with Payne's struggle to
stay afloat against the millennial
tide. It's also fun to watch direc-
tor Ken Kwapis bring Payne's
problems to life though clever,
sometimes twisted fantasy
sequences. Happyish is not yet
great, but it's good-ish enough to
keep an eye on. ¥¥¥

ALBUM OF THE MONTH

BEAT THE +

CHAMP ‹

Ву Коб Таппепваит

• Growing up in California under the
red thumb of an abusive stepfather,
John Darnielle found relief and hero-
ism in the local pro-wrestling bouts
shown on TV. An eloquent and precise
songwriter who has led the Mountain
Goats since 1991, Darnielle recalls his
youthful passion on Beat the Champ.
He accents his acoustic guitar and
excitable singing with strings, horns
and steel guitar, and depicts pre-Hulk
Hogan wrestling as a world of blood,
bravado, autonomy and loneliness.
These desperate, untethered outsiders
also give Darnielle a good excuse to use
“Gonna stab you in the eye with a for-
eign object" as a chorus. YY YY

MORTAL
KOMBAT X

• Maybe Mortal Kombat
is actually immortal. The
savage fighting game has
brought buckets of blood
to gaming for 20-plus
years and keeps crawling
out ofthe grave. Mortal
Kombat X (PC, PS3, PS4,
Xbox 360, Xbox One) pits
Scorpion, Sub-Zero and
other classic Kombat
fighters against a crew of

fresh meat in new arenas
and modes including
Living Towers, which
alters the environment
during matches, from
dropping bombs and
acid rain to removing
gravity or blacking out
the screen. The absurd
Bruce Lee-meets-John
Carpenter violence is

a Mortal Kombat guilty
pleasure and one you can
fully indulge in here with
“X-Ray,” which provides
asee-through look atthe
damage deliveredtoa
foe whose spine has been
ripped out. YY YY

BOOK OF THE MONTH

THE MAN

By Cat Auer

* In 1952, master of comic
art Harvey Kurtzman
smacked America upside
the head with what he
called the “irreverent
sledgehammer satire”

of Mad magazine. Bill
Schelly's definitive biog-
raphy, Harvey Kurtzman:
The Man Who Created
Mad and Revolution-

ized Humor in America,
includes a foreword by
Terry Gilliam, who once
worked for Kurtzman

(as did Gloria Steinem).
Kurtzman brought Mad to
life as a comic book; three
years later he converted it
to a magazine; five issues
into its run, he quit. Mad
was “humor in a jugular
vein,” as the cover line
went, and Americans
wanted to mainline it.

So why did he leave? A
combination of things,
says Schelly. He wanted
new challenges and

more control—and Hugh
Hefner made him an offer
he couldn't refuse: Start
another humor mag. That
effort and others failed to
capture the lightning ina
bottle that was Mad. His
sexy Little Annie Fanny
(with Will Elder) ran in
PLAYBOY for 26 years, but
he'll be best remembered
for bringing smart, sub-
versive humor to pop cul-
ture. Isrevolutionized too
strong? No way. Kurtzman
was, in the words of Art
Spiegelman, “agoddamn
national treasure.” YY YY

У ВАМ БАТА

HOT
STUFF
• Women eat
spicy dishes
because
they enjoy
the taste,
according to
researchers,

while men
tend to eat
spicy foods
because
they enjoy
showing off.

SIGNIFICA, INSIGNIFICA, STATS AND FACTS

一 一

PREHISTORIC
TRIP

Scientists say that 100
million years ago sauropods
ale grasses covered with а
psychotropic fungus similar
to that used іп LSD.

3 HIGH
А 10

* People with high
IQs are more likely
10 experiment with
psychoactive drugs
than people with
low IQs, according
to a National Child
Development study.

DOES
NOT
COMPUTE

• Number
of

ience in
а year:

(63)

* Number
heterosexual
women
say they
experience:

Singles who regularly

5 tend to have
more sex than singles
who don't, according to
a Match.com survey.

use emc

* Age of the world's
oldest known living
animal, Ming the
clam, when it was
accidentally killed by
scientists trying to
determine how old
it was.

30 SHADES
OF PAIN

related injuries who:
Are hospitalized
or transferred to a
different facility: 25%
ted and
71%;
Are male: 58%

REALLY
FAST FOOD

* Anew 24-hour
astle in Las
forced to
temporarily close due
to “overwhelming
demand.”
Number ofburgers
sold per hour for the
first 12 hours after
opening: 4,000
Nearest White
Castle to Las Vegas:
Columbia, Missoi
roughly 1,500 miles.

Over the past
four years,
the desire for
bigger bulls (as
reflected in web
searches) has
tripled in the
United States.

WE
LIKE BIG
BUTTS

AND WE LIKE BIG BOOBS:
+ Online searches for big-breast porn
outnumber those for small-breast porn 20 to 1.
Ratio of interest in breast implants to butt
implants: 5 to 1.

PHOTO
FINISH

* Number of red
roses in the victory
garland draped
over the Kentucky
Derby's winning
horse.

IF YOU

WANT IT

THEN
)0L E
BETTER
PUT A
¿RING OX
ІТ

You can tell if a
man is likely to
be promiscuous
бу measuring
the length of
his...ring finger
Researchers
say men with
ring fingers
significantly
longer than
their index
fingers are more
likely to prefer
sleeping around

lo monogamy.

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ІШІҢ
THING WE HAVE
ІШПЕ

WE MEN NEED TO BE COURAGEOUS. WHY?
SO WOMEN WILL LIKE US MORE

ere's a vastly incomplete list of all
the things Pm afraid of: Heights.
Guns. Dogs. Mice. Actually, all
animals bigger than bugs. Bugs.
Roller coasters. Divorce. Hor-
ror movies. Physical confronta-
tions. Verbal confrontations. Be-
ing alone for more than one day. Drugs.
Blood. Car crashes. Lightning. Fire.
Teenage boys. The ocean. Guys at clubs
in Las Vegas. Women at clubs in Las
Vegas. People at clubs in Las Vegas whose
gender is not immediately evident.

While it might seem as though that
list prohibits me from making a wom-
an feel safe, it does not. That's due to
the equally long list of things Гт not
afraid of: terrorism, Ebola, bedbugs,
eating from a street cart, sharks, kid-
napping, BPA, black mold, inoculations,
GMOs, zombies, clowns, clown porn
that doesn't have zombies in it, identity
theft, changing diapers, the Democrats
turning America into a socialist country,
gluten, food past its expiration date. I’m
so annoyed by airport security that I
would vote to completely eliminate the
Department of Homeland Security. If I
lived alone, I would happily give what-
ever I’m paying ADT just to get rid of
my home alarm since its record of be-
ing correct about break-ins is now zero
times out of 145.

Not coincidentally, the things I’m not
afraid of have almost no mathematical
probability of happening to me. They're
mostly just sensational things that,
thanks to the sudden ubiquity of infor-
mation, we hear about all the time and
thereby freak us out. Our great-great-
great-grandparents never heard of a sin-
gle shark attack because they didn’t have
the Discovery Channel. Also, people
didn’t surf much back then, but mostly
the Discovery Channel thing.

Which brings me to a fundamental
difference between men and women.
Women go into anxiety spirals based
on a single Facebook link to a dubious
health study. Can instant ramen cause
cardiometabolic syndrome? Can a cell

5
Э

tower's radio-frequency waves cause can-
cer? Has listening to all of this stuff taken
four months off my life? A woman once
told me she couldn't eat fish because of
Japan’s Fukushima nuclear disaster—
even though she lived in America. This
was a woman who wouldn't eat tuna out
of fear for her life and yet texted while
she drove. You start typing “Ebola wom-
en” into Google and it suggests “Ebola
women’s health”; you go with “Ebola
men” and it gives you “Ebola mentioned
in The Walking Dead.” A study in England
reported that 80 percent of eight-year-
olds went to school unaccompanied by
an adult in 1971; by 1990, only nine
percent did, despite the fact that crime
had decreased. I’m going to guess that
preventing kids from walking to school
alone was the decision of

moms and not dads, because

dads in England are too

drunk to make decisions.

Because women are wired
to worry more about health
and their surroundings, it's
not quite as annoying when
they make life decisions
based on what they see on
Nancy Grace. When I see a
woman melt down on a plane before
takeoff, I think both “That’s cute” and
“Гт glad she’s not my girlfriend.” When
I see a guy shake in terror on the run-
way, I assume he was once on a flight that
crashed on a deserted island where there
was weird time travel and an unsatisfy-
ing ending. When a guy tells me about all
the chemicals in his food, I know he truly
loves and respects his wife.

Part of the reason women are more
anxious about random horror is that
the vast majority of random horror is
committed by men. By exclusively dat-
ing women, I've radically reduced my
odds of disaster. Га be studying Life-
time movies too if I were exposed to

all those guys on Tinder creepily pos-
ing with power tools. Fifty Shades of Grey
was a huge hit not because of the S&M
but because it was like a Lifetime movie
with a happy ending.

Women are also allowed to have
more fear because they’re nurturers,
and shark bites are not very nurturing.
Men, meanwhile, are supposed to fear-
lessly explore the unknown, respond-
ing only to immediate dangers. A cave-
man didn’t have the luxury of panicking
about the long-term effects of cooking
meat directly over fire. He was too busy
responding to that moment’s danger:
a wild animal, a warring clan, a light-
ning storm or someone mentioning the
word bet, which would send him into a
gambling binge so severe it caused him

to stammer. (Much of my
knowledge of cavemen is
based on The Flintstones.)

So even if the news some-
times does frighten us—Will
keeping my cell phone in my
pocket cause erectile dysfunc-
tion? Will eating soy cause erec-
tile dysfunction? Will this drug
that says it might cause erectile
dysfunction cause erectile dys-

function? Will reading four questions about
erectile dysfunction cause me to worry about
erectile dysfunction and thereby lead to erec-
tile dysfunction?—men have to be brave.
And bravery consists of recognizing our
illogical fears and overcoming them,
whether that means jumping out of a
plane with a parachute, taking a trip to
Israel or eating an undercooked ham-
burger. The news, we need to remem-
ber, is what happens to other people.
And if women become scared by what
they read, we should be glad for the op-
portunity to comfort them. There’s a
reason, after all, that boys take girls to
see horror films. And that reason gives
girls yet another thing to fear. =

MIKE BERTINO

ШІК

PAST

ISNTPAST

WHY YOUR GIRLFRIEND IS A HISTORY MAJOR,
AND WHY IT’S YOUR HISTORY SHE'S STUDYING

hate your ex. You know the one. I
don’t care that she’s a “really cool
girl” and you think if we met at a
party we'd be friends. I hate her, and

I want to hate her on an even deeper

level, so I have to know everything

about her. When I'm bored at work
I'll google her and decide she shouldn't
wear orange ever, or really anything that
clings (and everything clings). That her
roots need touching up (all six inches
of them). That her current boyfriend
looks like a less hot version of you. That
she doesn’t look that smart in pictures.
I will google deeper, like a hate tourist,
to find that her comments on friends’
Facebook pages are neither insightful
nor funny (“Cute pic,” “Thinking of
you”). That she uses the same birth-
day line for everyone: “Have the best
birthday ever!” Why even bother? I
will know from her local Fun Run Tur-
key Trot time (very slow) that she is not
right for you. That you clearly had a
lapse in judgment when you entered
into a relationship with her. This kind
of “research” fills a special dark part of
my heart that also enjoys seeing some-
one in a really fancy car get a parking
ticket or someone slip on ice (and be
uninjured—I'm not a total monster).

I once dated a guy who had a big
cardboard box in his bedroom closet
labeled, in black Sharpie, DO NOT OPEN:
WILL INDUCE SUICIDE. After dating him for
a couple of months I got up the cour-
age to ask about its contents. (My guess
was it was full of either expired win-
ning lottery tickets or chocolate-dipped
cyanide pills.) It turned out to be a lot
more ordinary but a lot more interest-
ing to me. It was a box of stuff from
his previous long-term relationship.
She was the ex I hated. I’d seen only
one blurry picture of her, in which she
wore ill-fitting long shorts, a question-
able fashion choice to say the least. So
one drunken night, in not my best mo-
ment, І asked my boyfriend to open the
box. (As you can imagine, 1 did not ask

nicely.) He resisted at first: “Not a good
idea.” “Sleep on it.” “You can't take it
back.” But eventually he gave in and
opened it calmly with his X-Acto knife.
The blade made a crisp noise as it cut
through the year-plus-old tape, and the
scent of vanilla filled the air. There were
a lot of photos (she was okay-looking in
nonblurry shots but not suicide induc-
ing). A vanilla candle (vanilla says it all).
Some books of poetry (boring). Some
love notes (rhymes are for babies). An-
niversary cards (trite). A stuffed animal
(she didn’t know him at all). They were
your basic relationship souvenirs, and 1
had him explain every one.
He was a goodish sport
about it. Eventually we
broke up too and he got a
box of his own in my closet,
until I handed it over to
1-800-GOTJUNK. You proba-
bly think I regretted my de-
cision to open my ex's ex's
box, that I realized I'd al-
lowed my hate to go too far.
I don't blame you for thinking that—
you're a guy, and guys just don't get it.
Guys don't really want to know about
our past. You don't want to think about
us having sex with someone else. But
that doesn't bother me at all. I don't
care about your sexual liaisons be-
fore you met me. I don't even care if
Alanis Morissette went down on you in
a theater. I don't care about that barely
counts threesome you had freshman
year (you basically watched two soon-to-
be-living-together-in-Vermont lesbians
hook up). I don't care about the friends-
with-benefits relationship you had in
your early 20s that was "the best" until
she went "crazy." Essentially I don't care

where your dick has been (or hasn't, in
the case of that threesome). I care only
where it's going. But I do care where
your heart was. Opening that ро хот
OPEN: WILL INDUCE SUICIDE box filled with
the ashes of my boyfriend's old relation-
ship was absolutely practical. The con-
tents revealed what Google and Face-
book couldn't tell me but what I really
needed to know: the details.

Digging up info on a boyfriend's past
is like doing research on a used-car web-
site. If you're buying a car, you want to
know what accidents it's been in. What
repairs have been made. You want to

know if potential hazards
lurk beneath a new coat of
paint or pair of designer
jeans. Your ex helps me
with that. She's like one of
those bomb robots that are
sent into dangerous situa-
tions first. She can report
back from beyond the re-
lationship grave: "Did you
like her cutesy nickname for
you, Pookey/Honey Bear/Babycakes?"
"Why was that road trip so terrible you
ended up calling it quits afterward?"
"Did you mind her dog sleeping in the
bed with you? What if it had been a cat?"
"How did you feel when your ex made
you go to dinner with her and her mom
on Valentine's Day?" Your ex is a "you"
gold mine, a treasure trove of informa-
tion about you! So I will continue to hate
your ex, because it's a useful hobby (also
free!). I can't help it. I just absolutely,
totally love hating your ex. And I know
I'm not alone. I'm sure one of my ex's
current girlfriends is out there googling
me right now. If it helps, my middle
name is Elizabeth. a

PLAN IM

FORTHE T-S

VISIT PLAYBOYSTORE.COM TODAY!

Му boyfriend and I have been
dating for six months, and he
wants us to go to a strip club
together. We have always had
excellent communication.
When we started seeing each
other he told me he’d visited
a few such clubs, and without
giving it much thought I told
him it would be fun if we went
together. Now that we’re getting
more serious, I’m not so sure.
He brought it up again recently
and wouldn't let it go, so I got
upset. I finally told him I have
no interest in seeing strippers,
and now he's mad and says he
feels duped. Is it unreasonable
of me to feel that I’m right and
he's the one who's wrong?—
S.S., Los Angeles, California

Apologies to Fight Club fans, but
doesn't your boyfriend know that
the first rule of strip clubs is “Don't
talk about strip clubs”? Joking
aside, you have to give him credit
for being honest about his interest;
he has been more transparent than
а lot of guys would be. Whether you
intended to or not, it does sound as
though you misled him at the begin-
ning of your relationship, and you
need to fess up to that. He's within
his rights to be disappointed. But
you also owe it to yourself to be hon-
est about the issues surrounding
strip clubs that bother you. We're
guessing this isn't so much a matter
of your being cool with going to a
strip club as it is a matter of your
being cool with him going to a strip
club. If it’s an essential philosophi-
cal and political conflict, this might
become a compatibility issue for the
two of you. Better to keep a level
head, talk it out and not make this
about whether you accompany your
boyfriend or not. The “why” and
“how” regarding your feelings about
strip clubs are more important than
the “if” and “when.”

A good friend of mine was
recently in a terrible accident
that he barely survived. Гуе
been visiting him in the hospi-
tal every week and have come
to realize that I find just about
every decent-looking nurse incredibly
sexy. They're no hotter than women
outside the hospital, and they wear
chunky athletic shoes and baggy clothes,
but there's just something about them
and about being in that environment
that makes me hornier than usual.
Don't worry; I’m not going to hit on
the nurses, but І am curious about your
opinion. What's your take on this?—
D.A., Tacoma, Washington

Your situation sounds different from the
standard sexy-nurse cliché that thrives in cer-
lain porn subgenres and proliferates around

PLAYBOY
ADVISOR

Can а woman have an orgasm just from being
spanked? Му girlfriend wants me to get her to come
that way. We've been trying, but I’m worried I’m
only hurting her in a quest for something that might
not be possible.—K.P., Little Rock, Arkansas

It is possible—but highly unlikely—that your girlfriend
will be able to have an orgasm from spanking alone. Mild
to moderate spanking can help release a pleasurable amount
of endorphins and increase blood flow to the genitals. Com-
bine that with the erotic charge some women get from being
spanked, and you could ostensibly trigger a mental orgasm
(a rare but achievable state). We suggest redirecting some of
that effort you're worried about into your free hand (or hers)
for some good old vanilla clitoral stimulation that could,
combined with spanking, trigger a classic O.

Halloween. Maybe it's the baggy clothing that
makes the nurses all the more tantalizing to
you, like a sort of sartorial chastity belt in
scrubs form. Or perhaps it has something to
do with the fact that nurses take care of people
in a somewhat motherly way that Freud would
probably say you find arousing. But our lead-
ing theory is that, given your friend's circum-
stances, your reaction is really about your
fear of death. We think that on some primi-
tive level you’re responding to a situation in
which your friend nearly died, which prob-
ably makes you viscerally aware of your own
mortality. The primitive, evolutionary reac-

tion to being threatened with death
is to procreate, so you're seeing all
these nurturing, fertile women as
‚potential mates who could help you
propagate the species and thereby
give you eternal life—or at least
pass along your DNA. Then again,
maybe the nurses are just sexy.

| have had huge problems find-
ing a hair product that works
for me. I’m a 32-year-old man
who has medium-length, some-
what thin hair with a slight
wave to it. When it’s humid
outside my hair tends to curl.
Sometimes I can straighten it
by using product, but eventu-
ally at some point in the day
it reverts to curliness. I’m not
kidding when I say that I have
tried about 30 different waxes,
gels, pomades and so forth.
Recently I bought two prod-
ucts with different hold levels
from the same manufacturer.
One is just a little too shiny;
the other is matte but holds my
hair the way I like it. I mixed
the two products together,
and the combination actually
works pretty well. What do you
think?—I.H., Iowa City, Iowa
Congratulations, you've stum-
bled upon "cocktailing," a tech-
nique hairstylists employ. As the
name suggests, it’s when you com-
bine two or more grooming products
to create a unique blend that can
achieve what one product alone
cannot. Certain products provide
firm hold but leave hair looking
dull. Others provide shine but of-
fer little in the way of hold. We're
not suggesting that everyone should
practice this advanced form of cos-
metic mixology, but if you find that
you've bought a gel, pomade or
other item that doesn’t do the trick,
you don’t necessarily need to throw
it away. You're basically looking for
the right balance between shine and
hold, so if you have too much of one
and not enough of the other, look
for a product that can round it out.

Im not comfortable with guns
but still want to buy some sort
of home-defense weapon. Air taser guns
look like they would do the job and
seem comparatively safe. Should I buy
one?—D.G., Pelham, New York

We asked a police officer in a high-crime
area of Los Angeles whether any sort of
weapon is useful in home defense. He said
absolutely, but only if you train with it regu-
larly and follow all the recommended safety
precautions. This applies to both firearms
and other less lethal options such as pepper
spray and air tasers. But the officer stressed
that there's no magic bullet and that weapons
can provide a false sense of security for most

PLAYBOY

civilians. He knows of numerous home inva-
sions in which homeowners were unable to ac-
cess their firearms (or other defensive weapon,
such as a baseball bat stashed under the bed),
had their weapons stolen or even had them
used against them in robberies. One lesson
applies for owners of all weapons, including
less-than-lethal ones: train, prepare, secure.
You need to ask yourself if that sounds like
the sort of thing you want to do on a monthly
basis. If not, you could do what many cops
recommend: Се! a good alarm system and a
big-ass German shepherd.

A friend of mine who keeps up on all
the latest trends claims that ties are going
out of style. Not too long ago PLAYBOY ran
a story telling me I should know how to
tie at least three different styles of knots
(The Playboy Fall Style Field Guide, Septem-
ber 2013). Are you guys falling behind
the times?—A.R., Langley, Virginia

No, sir. We are fully aware of the ascen-
dance, however slight, of the "air tie," in
which men wear a suit or blazer with a shirt
buttoned up to the top and no necktie. It's the
latest affectation of creative types who like
dressing up in suits to look important while
making it clear they're not some boring dude
who has to follow conventional dress codes and
other burdensome rules observed by the aver-
age guy. But when you think about it, ties as
a functional object are ridiculous, so we're not
going to quibble with not wearing one if you
can pull it off and look cool.

When 1 go out on first dates I habitu-
ally bring a condom, which I keep in
my small pocket, a.k.a. watch pocket,
just in case things get hot and heavy.
This way I know we will have protec-
tion if we need it. I've always thought
this was a good idea—and it has defi-
nitely come in handy—but I also always
worry about the reaction I might get
if my date discovers the condom early
in the night, while we're still getting to
know each other. What is the Advisor's
view on this type of etiquette?—A.C.,
Los Angeles, California

As far as we're concerned the watch
pocket (or coin pocket) should just be re-
named the condom pocket, because its
dimensions are remarkably suited to standard
prophylactic-packet measurements. Hats off
to you for being so dedicated to safe sex. Yes,
it would look mighty tacky if the condom
package were to slip ош of your pocket and
into the popcorn bucket at the movie theater
or onto the dinner table while you were pay-
ing the bill. If that happens, come clean,
laugh it off and get on with the night with-
out apology. We think ату good woman will
look at you as an evolved and responsible
man rather than as a creep.

Lam a divorced 46-year-old man who is
in a relationship with a slightly younger,
recently divorced woman. My girlfriend
and I get along well, but I struggle with
setting boundaries regarding time to
myself. I am introverted and creative,

and I need time alone to develop my
work. My girlfriend says she accepts
this, but she doesn't put that claim into
practice. I have expressed my needs
several times and each time have been
met with bemused condescension. What
can I say or do that won't hurt her feel-
ings but will get me the time to myself
that I need?—M.N., Denver, Colorado
Consistency and respectful clarity are
your friends. Establish predictable hours
for your work and alone time; this will let
your girlfriend know what to expect from
you. You need to be precise and follow
through on your promises. Treat your time
with her as sacredly as you treat your me-
time. If you say every other night is date
night, then that's the deal. But if you con-
stantly use the "creative" and "artistic" ex-
cuse 10 back out of dinner or movie plans
at the last minute, we wouldn't blame your
girlfriend for being annoyed. Being intro-
verled and creative is one thing; being rude
is another. Like you said, it's about setting
boundaries and sticking to them.

Ina sexually active 67-year-old man in
a committed relationship with a 31-year-
old woman. She doesn't want a baby, and
neither do I. She says her birth control
pills are making her crazy and wants
to stop taking them. I don't want to
wear a condom. I've heard that sperm
swim slower the older you get. Am I old
enough to be able to count on my slow-
poke sperm being too slow to get her
pregnant?—E.O., Baltimore, Maryland
It's true that the older a man gets, the slow-
er and less mobile his sperm become. Although
this can diminish your chances of impreg-
nating a woman, there's no guarantee. The
genetic quality of your sperm also decreases
over time, which can lead to birth defects.
You'll need to use condoms or find another
form of birth control for your girlfriend.

Tam unable to maintain an erection with
a condom on. I wonder whether this is
unusual and if it could be psychological.
Have you heard of this, and is there a
solution?—PF., Traverse City, Michigan
By no means are you alone. Many men ex-
perience erectile difficulties as a result of con-
doms (in one study, up to 32 percent of men
surveyed). Problems can be caused by reduced
stimulation, breakage or losing an erection
while putting on the condom. It doesn't take
much thought to arrive at why this might be:
The condom pause is a buzzkill of the high-
est order. You go from foreplay to that magic
moment, only to struggle with tearing open
а foil packet, positioning and unfurling
it correctly—and then back to а now less-
than-magic moment. But that doesn’t mean
you can’t get better at the transition. This is
going to sound a little ridiculous, but you
should practice putting on a condom while
masturbating, then practice finding pleasure
with the condom on. The more comfortable
you are with this and the more accustomed
you are to the sensations, the better you will
become at staying hard. Another issue could

be condom size. If your condom is too tight,
it might be cutting off the blood flow to your
penis, making it physically harder for you to
stay hard. Try going up a size.

І recently graduated from culinary
school and received a fancy Japanese
chef’s knife as a gift. The person who
gave it to me said I should sharpen only
one side of the blade because ГІІ ruin
the knife if I sharpen it the way I do my
Western-style chef’s knives made by Ger-
man companies. Is this true, and how the
heck do you sharpen just one side of a
blade?—N.M., Red Hook, New York

Most Western-style chef's knives have
what's called а V-edge, which is what it
sounds like: If you look closely doum the edge
of the knife from the tip you'll see a V shape,
with each side of the knife having been
sharpened at the same angle. Traditional
Japanese сћеј 5 knives have what is called a
chisel edge: It's angled on just one side and
flat on the other. This style of edge is capable
of making cleaner and more precise cuts, but
most home cooks won't notice the difference.
As a professional you will probably be able to
discern the difference, but whether it's worth
the trouble is up to you. It takes a lot of prac-
tice to sharpen a knife by hand on just one
side, so if you want to preserve the chisel edge
we suggest contacting Korin kitchen supply
(korin.com), which is certified by several
major Japanese knife brands to repair and
sharpen specialty knives. Or you could just
sharpen it in the V-shape style. You can al-
ways have the blade reground in the Japa-
nese fashion if you change your mind.

Every year I throw a big Cinco de Mayo
party and get serious with the cocktails.
Last year I served mezcal margaritas,
and my friends were blown away by how
smoky and delicious they were. I need
to outdo myself this year. What should I
serve?—J.P., Oakland, California

Track down some Bacanora, a Mexican
spirit that tastes like a cross between tequila
and mezcal. It’s made in the northern state
of Sonora and has some smoke to it, like
mezcal, as well as a pleasantly vegetal fla-
vor similar to super-premium tequila. You
can use Bacanora just as you would excel-
lent tequila, but to really taste the nuances
you should offer it to guests straight. Cielo
Rojo is an excellent brand that you can find
stateside. We also like to use it to make a less
sweet version of a margarita by simply pour-
ing two ounces of spirit over a few ice cubes
in a low glass, then squeezing half a lime
and half a blood orange into it for a slightly
sweet but tangy effect.

For answers to reasonable questions relating
to food and drink, fashion and taste, and sex
and dating, write the Playboy Advisor, 9346
Civic Center Drive, Beverly Hills, California
90210, or e-mail advisor@playboy.com. The
most interesting and pertinent questions will be
presented in these pages each month.

Ф >

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uno www BILL MAHER

А candid conversation with the dean of political comedy about Muslims,
puritanism, Fox News and why mixing the news and humor is so damn hard

Inside Bill Maher's office in Los Angeles,
you don’t need a poli-sci degree to know
which way the political winds are blowing.
There’s a (fake) Zagat guide to marijuana
dispensaries, а bumper sticker that reads
HONK IF YOU HATE AMERICA, а studly photo
of a shirtless Vladimir Putin and a TV тот-
tor forever tuned to MSNBC. Even for some
lefties, Maher is too liberal. And since he
also has a pronounced libertarian streak, he
frustrates them further. But that's what makes
him one of progressive America's most auda-
cious comic voices.

Since 1993 Maher has mixed sharp humor
with current events, often in conversation with
an odd array of athletes, movie stars, pundits
and chaired professors. Politically Incorrect
With Bill Maher aired on Comedy Central
and, later, ABC until 2002. Most blamed its
cancellation on the controversy Maher stirred
shortly after 9/11, when he dubbed America
and its long-range missiles more “cowardly”
than the terrorists who rammed into the Twin
Towers. A year later, he was back with Real
Time With Bill Maher on HBO, a live hour-
long commentary-on-the-news show that was
recently renewed through 2017. Lately he's
been gelting flak for speaking out against
Islam, saying the religion itself breeds violence.

The University of California, Berkeley briefly
disinvited him to give last winter's commence-
ment address. But once again Maher prevailed
and was there with a smirk and a point of view.
“C'mon, it's Berkeley,” he told the graduates in
that bastion of liberalism. “I think 1 can speak
freely ћете; 1 mean, 1 hope 1 can.”

Born January 20, 1956 in New York City,
William Maher Jr. grew up in a world of
headlines. His father was a news editor for
NBC, and family dinner conversations at
home in New Jersey touched on the various
revolutions shaping the world. Maher studied
English and history at Cornell University, but
comedy was his true superpower. Still, he spent
more than a decade wisecracking his way to
prominence. Among his glory moments on the
way up: co-starring with Shannon Tweed and
Adrienne Barbeau in Cannibal Women in the
Avocado Jungle of Death.

Anti-theist, pot lover, defender of gay rights
and free speech, Maher is every Fox News an-
chor's worst nightmare, but he's a very good
interview, reports Contributing Editor David
Hochman, who last interviewed actor Vince
Vaughn for PLAYBOY. “Bill Maher doesn't do
knee-jerk liberalism,” Hochman says. “His
views on politics, religion and social issues
don't follow a particular party line. Just

when you think you've nailed his slant, he'll
throw you in a whole new direction, and usu-
ally in the funniest way.”

PLAYBOY: Are Americans really as stupid
as you say they are?

MAHER: Absolutely. You cannot underesti-
mate how dumb people are in this coun-
try, and this is something I say all the
time. Everyone jumps down my throat,
but it’s true, and it’s dangerous. It’s why
politicians get away with so much bullshit.
For instance, the American people think
the economy is the most important issue;
yet when polled last year, the majority of
Americans thought the unemployment
rate was 32 percent, when it was actually
5.8 percent. If that’s not stupidity, it’s
terribly misinformed. Even during the
Great Depression the unemployment
rate was, at its worst, 25 percent. More
than half the Americans polled, when
asked what our government spends the
most on in its budget, said foreign aid,
which of course accounts for just one
percent. Only 20 percent got the right
answer, which is Social Security. Less
than half those polled could name the
three branches of government. A third

“You cannot underestimate how dumb people
ave in this country, and this is something I say
all the time. Everyone jumps down my throat,
but it’s true. It’s why politicians get away with
so much bullshit. Stupid, stupid, stupid.”

“The vast, vast, vast majority of Muslims
are not terrorists. But here’s the point people
don’t bring up: Тћеу те not terrorists, but they
share some very bad ideas with terrorists, and
bad ideas lead to bad behavior.”

PHOTOGRAPHY BY ANDREW MACPHERSON

“Га say Scott Walker will be the nominee for
the Republicans. Jeb Bush is building momen-
tum. True, he’s not the doofus his brother was,
but in today’s Republican Party, that’s actu-
ally a huge minus.”

PLAYBOY

couldn’t name any branch of govern-
ment. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

PLAYBOY: So should we just do away
with democracy?

MAHER: [Laughs] No. As Churchill said,
democracy’s the worst form of govern-
ment, except for all the others. In the
information age, we were supposed to
get smarter with the internet, but we’re
somehow getting less smart. People are
either in a bubble, getting only the in-
formation they want to see, or they’re
on porn or playing Angry Birds or what-
ever else they're doing. They're not get-
ting information. We're slaves to micro-
targeting. You go to Yahoo and it knows
what you click on, so you see only sto-
ries about the Kardashians or some guy
with a face tattoo—and that's a problem.
You’re not reading about Воко Haram
or the latest congressional fuckup. When
you're dealing with an electorate that
doesn't know anything, you can say any-
thing. That's how you get zombie lies.
PLAYBOY: Zombie lies?

MAHER: Yes, these lies that live forever
even though they're not true. They're
the undead of politics. I noticed Iowa
Republican senator Joni Ernst referring
to the Keystone jobs program in the
Republican response to Barack Obama’s
State of the Union address this year.
Okay, we've proved for a couple of years
now that the Keystone jobs program
would create only 35 jobs. As one sena-
tor said, you’d create more jobs opening
a single McDonald’s. Trickle-down есо-
nomics is another zombie lie: Give the
rich tax breaks and the poor will thrive.
Sam Brownback, the governor of Kan-
sas, destroyed his state’s entire economy
selling that zombie.

PLAYBOY: Did you get your money’s worth
from your million-dollar contribution to
Obama’s last campaign?

MAHER: It was a great investment. It’s
funny. We invented a character on the
show called Mitt McCain, who’s an amal-
gam of the candidates who could have
been president instead of Obama, and
it’s not pretty. Under Mitt McCain the
auto industry has collapsed because Mitt
Romney wanted to let that happen. We’re
at war with Guatemala, Finland and nine
other countries John McCain would have
warred against. And the attorney general
is Dick Cheney’s head. You sometimes
hear people, even Democrats, say, “I’m
tired of Obama because he didn’t live
up to his promises.” I say, “Are you sure
about that? Maybe they just didn’t cover
it on TMZ.” Because Obama is slowly go-
ing down the list: Cuba, gay marriage
and, I’m hoping before he leaves, pot.
He’s trying to finish strong.

PLAYBOY: Half the country still loves to
hate him, though.

MAHER: Obama should be a better brag-
ger. He needs to start acting like he won
the last election instead of lost it. If the
Republicans had his record, they’d be
riding it like a fuckin’ wild bronco into

the 2016 election. Their attitude would
be, Why even have an election? We’ve
tripled the stock market, unemployment
is below six percent, 10 million more
people have health insurance, the auto
industry is back on its feet. Oh, and he
averted a depression.

PLAYBOY: Who’s your money on for the
White House race?

MAHER: Га say Scott Walker will be the
nominee for the Republicans. Jeb Bush is
building momentum, but he’s attached at
the hip to Common Core, which the Tea
Party despises. True, he’s not the doofus
his brother was, but in today’s Republi-
can Party, that’s actually a huge minus.
Then there’s Chris Christie. His numbers
with Republican primary voters are hor-
rible, close to Sarah Palin level, though if
you like small government, he’s the guy
for you, because soon half his adminis-
tration will be in jail. But Walker? He’s
a folk hero with the people from the Tea
lagoon and with the establishment wing.
His father was an evangelical ргеасһет--

Obama should
be a better
bragger. He
needs to start
acting like he
won the last
election.

a huge plus with the snake handlers and
flat-Earthers who make up the base. And
he won three times, including a recall, in
a blue state, and he faced down public
unions. The one problem is he didn’t
graduate from college—oh wait, that’s
a plus too, because book learnin’ is, you
know, suspicious.
PLAYBOY: And for the Democrats?
MAHER: I’m thinking it has to be Hillary
Clinton. And Га love to see her run with
Elizabeth Warren or Bernie Sanders.
They’re the two lefties in the Democratic
Party, and we've never really tried left-
wing politics, at least not in my lifetime.
The real question mark is what the Re-
publicans will run on, because they can’t
run on jobs; unemployment is too low.
I suspect we'll see the batshit campaign
tactics we saw with the last few Bush runs:
John McCain had a black baby; Wil-
lie Horton came out of nowhere; John
Kerry went somehow from a war hero to

a despicable coward in that insane turn-
around. It’s going to be some made-up
issue the Republicans will harp on. Re-
member Jeb Bush’s father running in
1988? We had these rumors about Kitty
Dukakis burning the American flag and
all that shit about Michael Dukakis not
cleaning up Boston Harbor. If things are
still going well, we'll have some picture
of Hillary scratching her ass at Mount
Rushmore in 1975. That's all the Repub-
licans can run on at this point.

PLAYBOY: Who’s a bigger threat for liber-
als, the Koch brothers or Roger Ailes?
MAHER: Now that’s a Hobson’s choice. I’m
stumped. Pass. [laughs] You know, they're
both bad. With the Kochs, it's like sports.
The odds are with the ones who spend
the most money. The Yankees don't win
every year, but they're almost always in
it. And if they're not in it one year, they'll
go out and buy better players the next
year. It's pretty much that way in poli-
tics too. In the midterms one out of ev-
ery $10 spent by the Republicans was a
Koch brothers dollar, and now they're
spending, what, a billion dollars on this
campaign? That's kind of a lot.

And yet Га say Roger Ailes is worse,
because Fox News creates the debate for
the GOP. Whatever comes out of Fox
News, or as 1 call it, the Alternative His-
tory Channel, is chapter and verse for
red America, and red America doesn't
go outside that bubble. You can rail
against immigration because they don't
know that net immigration to America
has been zero for years. The brown
people aren't coming anymore, so why
are we building giant walls? Why are we
spending all this money? That fact never
gets through, because on Fox News they
would never report it. But it's true. In
the 30 years following 1980, 12 million
Mexicans came to America. And that was
in three cars. [laughs] Oh, I can hear the
liberals getting mad already! It’s a joke,
and jokes are good, so fuck you and deal
with it. Anyway, that was when Mexican
women were having seven children. Now
they're having two. Not that the people
at Fox News like to think about sex.
PLAYBOY: What are you suggesting?
MAHER: They're all super repressed. Re-
member when Bill O'Reilly settled that
harassment suit claim that he was trying
to get some on the side? His response
afterward was “I will never speak of it
again.” And Sean Hannity seems espe-
cially corked. At the same time, 1 read
somewhere that Fox encourages Megyn
Kelly to wear sleeveless dresses so the
old horny white men who watch can get
off on it. It’s part of something larger in
this country, actually, which is people
who don't have satisfactory sex lives hat-
ing on people who do. Someone once
said the definition of sleazy is someone
having more sex than you, and you feel
that when you watch Fox.

PLAYBOY: Do you think Americans are
repressed in general?

MAHER: Listen, America is built on two
fault lines. One of course is race—that all
men are created equal except the ones
we keep as slaves. [laughs] The other
one is sex. This country was founded by
Puritans and also by libertarians. That
dichotomy was explored beautifully
in Thy Neighbor's Wife, the book by Gay
Talese. It goes to that notion that we are
built on a fault line and are schizophrenic
about it. We pride ourselves on being a
modern country, but we are big fucking
babies when it comes to sex.

Puritanism is one of those dominoes
that have to fall, along with pot and gay
marriage. The way the media and the
population respond to these so-called
sex scandals, 1 mean, Jesus! Celebrity sex
videos, sexting scandals, Eliot Spitzer,
Bill Clinton, slut-shaming from the left
and right. People! Eliot Spitzer made
a mistake, a private mistake, and we've
exiled him. He's a brilliant guy who is
now toxic? This is horseshit. More than
any other Democrat, he went after Wall
Street, which is much more important
than this nonsense about who he's fuck-
ing. He can't have a place in public life
anymore because he was with a prosti-
tute? This is what 1 mean about stupidity.
PLAYBOY: So live and let live.

MAHER: Absolutely. І wish there were ап
entire party in politics called the Pervert
Party. It could be Bill Clinton, Eliot
Spitzer, John Edwards and the ghosts of
Martin Luther King Jr., JFK and FDR.
Look at all this talent that we exile and
persecute, as we did with Clinton, be-
cause of sexual peccadilloes. This is а
domino that has to fall. The idea that the
mayor of New York's spokeswoman, Lis
Smith, couldn't keep her job because she
dated Spitzer? She was dating an adul-
terer, a guy who went out with hook-
ers. Оооћ, the humanity! And that's New
York City. When did New York become
Salem on the Hudson? Sex has noth-
ing to do with job performance. It’s no-
body's business.

PLAYBOY: Do people ever think you're
a journalist?

MAHER: Yes, definitely. Гт not, though
1 have great respect for journalists. The
difference is, journalists break stories. I
don't break stories; I break new ways of
looking at stories that have been broken.
PLAYBOY: You're certainly a free-speech
advocate. 15 there anything you find
yourself holding back on?

MAHER: I guess it depends on which circle
P'm in. There are things 1 wouldn't say
on Jimmy Kimmel that Га say on HBO,
things I wouldn't say on HBO that I'd
say in a live stand-up performance. Then
there are things І wouldn't even say in
stand-up that Га say to my friends. The
ninth ring of hell is the things I wouldn't
even say to my friends that I think only
to myself, and of course І can't say what
those things are. When that movie Noah
came out, І said оп my show, “What's
really disturbing about Noah isn't that

it’s silly, it’s that it’s immoral. It’s about a
psychotic mass murderer who gets away
with it, and his name is God. Hey, God,
you know you're kind of a dick when
you’re іп a movie with Russell Crowe
and you're the one with the anger is-
sues.” But it was said with humor. People
do need their minds blown, but not еу-
erywhere all the time. That would be like
doing it in line at Starbucks.

PLAYBOY: You took major heat last fall
when you told Ben Affleck on your show
that Islam is “the only religion that acts
like the Mafia, that will fucking kill you if
you say the wrong thing, draw the wrong
picture or write the wrong book.” Even
liberals said you were painting a vast
global population with too broad a stroke.
Then the Charlie Hebdo shootings hap-
pened. Did you somehow feel vindicated?
MAHER: Not vindicated, no. It was just
another terrible example. My reaction
once again was that if there are this many
bad apples, there’s something wrong
with the orchard. The fact remains that

Sex has
nothing to
do with job

performance.
It’s nobody's
business.

Islam is a uniquely intolerant and violent
religion at this point in our history.
PLAYBOY: But Islam itself isn’t the prob-
lem. People are the problem. Extremism
is the problem.

MAHER: Islam is absolutely the problem.
Of course it is. It’s on every page of the
Koran to despise the unbeliever. It’s in
the Bible too, but I don’t think to that
degree. I mean, even Jesus, the prince
of peace and a pretty friendly guy, gets
cranky at the thought of there being an-
other god. Occasionally he'll say, “Dude,
you either go through me or you burn.”
But that sentiment is in the Koran in
spades. You can’t talk to fundamental-
ist Muslims about this, because they'll
always tell you that you got the transla-
tion wrong. All I know is there are very
bad beliefs in Islam that are mainstream
beliefs, like you can’t make fun of the
Prophet. That’s not just a few bad ap-
ples. That’s what everybody believes in
this religion.

PLAYBOY: Not every Muslim is a terrorist.

MAHER: That's what the other side always
says. Okay, fine, but I don't have the time
to interview all 1.6 billion Muslims indi-
vidually, as fun as that would be. [laughs]
No knowledge is ever advanced without
some generalization. When people talk
about Christendom in the Middle Ages,
they didn't interview every Christian.

But you need a statement? Here's a
statement: The vast, vast, vast majority
of Muslims are not terrorists. But here's
the point people don't bring up: They're
not terrorists, but they share some very
bad ideas with terrorists, and bad ideas
lead to bad behavior. You couldn't put
the Muslim equivalent of The Book of
Mormon on Broadway. You can't write a
book like The Satanic Verses without mil-
lions going jihadi on you. You couldn't
have an art exhibit like Piss Christ, which
made Giuliani mad in the 1990s. Hun-
dreds of millions of Muslims believe that
if you leave the religion you should get
killed for that. Try walking down the
street in Muslim areas—even in more
tolerant places like Amman, Jordan—
wearing shorty shorts or a T-shirt that
says HEY, I AM GAY. That shit is not going
to fly, not at all.

PLAYBOY: Aren't you being as zealous as
the zealots you're accusing of zealotry?
MAHER: Here's the long answer. 1 was
raised a liberal by two liberal parents, and
liberalism springs from one thing above
all: compassion. In my family we were
always on the side of the underdog and
those being treated unfairly. 1 grew up
in an all-white town in New Jersey in the
1960s, but my parents made sure 1 knew
even as a little kid whose side we were on
in the civil rights battles. We were with
Kennedy and against Southern gover-
nors standing in the doorways of schools
to prevent black kids from going. What
they taught me has stayed with me my
whole life, be it blacks, gays, the poor, vet-
erans, immigrants, women, people who
are bullied, the disabled, people getting
raped in the military, victims of police
brutality—you name it, the only thing I
don't have tolerance for is intolerance.

I saw on Lawrence O'Donnell's show а
story about a kid in Pakistan saying to his
father, “Please don't send me to school;
the Taliban will kill me,” and I thought
of blacks in our South getting killed back
then for trying to go to school. My point
is, there is a civil war going on in the
Muslim world, and liberals can't be so
worried about multiculturalism that they
come off as equivocal in this fight.
PLAYBOY: So liberals are too afraid of be-
ing seen as politically incorrect.

MAHER: Liberals get confused. They
think, Okay, Muslims are a minority and
they're brown people, and I’m a good
liberal, so І always have to be on the side
of minorities and brown people. That's
what some call the soft bigotry of low
expectations. Somehow in the Muslim
world we accept things we never would
in the Western world. People go crazy

PLAYBOY

over the tiniest violations of liberal val-
ues here at home, while horrid atroci-
ties elsewhere are ignored. Jonah Hill
says “Suck my dick, faggot” in anger to a
paparazzo and has to go on an apology
tour, but in 10 Muslim countries you can
get the death penalty for actually suck-
ing a dick.
PLAYBOY: So what's the fix for this
centuries-old issue?
MAHER: Well, at this point we probably
need to take out a few bad people. But
the long-term solution to radical Islam is
to let them have the civil war they need
to have between themselves. Let the
people who want to walk into the 21st
century stand up against the people who
want to stay in the seventh century. And
as long as we're droning them, it gives
everybody an excuse to hate us as the
common enemy.

After this Charlie Hebdo thing, you saw
a lot of Muslims stick their heads out
and express their revulsion. You wonder
if we hadn’t opened Guantánamo Bay
after 9/11 and started wars in Iraq and
Afghanistan whether disaffected Mus-
lims would have settled this differently.
As long as our armed forces are in their
countries and in their lives and killing
them with drones, they don't get to have
this internecine warfare that intelligent
observers agree they need to have. They
need to take out their own trash.
PLAYBOY: By the way, does it hurt when
the haters on Twitter and Facebook call
you a bigot?
MAHER: That's why I don't look at Twitter
or Facebook anymore. Of course it up-
sets me. How could it not? If I say any-
thing, people attack me. If I say, “Good
morning,” they say, “How dare you say
good morning. That was Reagan's word.
Morning in America! You don't get to
use that word, Bill Maher!” Anyway, be
mad at the people who are perpetrating
these acts of terrorism, not me. This just
doesn't happen with Episcopalians.
PLAYBOY: Are you ever afraid of violence
personally? You've outraged a lot of peo-
ple by speaking out.
MAHER: І feel inoculated because Гуе
dealt with this my whole career. Гуе
been accused of being anti-Catholic,
anti-women, anti-everybody. Гт not
anti anybody. I’m pro the truth. And
some people's feathers get ruffled more
than others’ by the truth. Everybody
wants free speech except when it's about
them. For me, there are no waivers on
free speech. It has to be across the board.
I'm not afraid.
PLAYBOY: You own a gun, though.
MAHER: Two guns. They're for protec-
tion. We live in gun country, even in Los
Angeles. I'm not expecting anything to
happen, but I want to be ready for it. So
I have a lot of security measures at my
house. If somebody gets into my bed-
room, wow, they really did a lot to get
there. They got past gates, bodyguards,
dogs. If I have to shoot somebody in my

bedroom, that was a commando raid on
par with the SEALs getting Bin Laden.
My gun is my last line of defense.
PLAYBOY: It’s strange to think of you as a
gun lover.

MAHER: I do not love my gun. That's
the fucking problem with these Second
Amendment people. They love guns.
For them, it's not just that guns should
be available; it's that they're seen as awe-
some. They go into Chipotle with their
rifles. They go on dates with their guns.
They take selfies with their guns. They
teach their kids to kill with them. They
give them as gifts. It's a sickness. It’s а
fetish. I call them ammosexuals.
PLAYBOY: You've been mixing comedy
and politics for more than 20 years. You
launched the format that gave way to
Jon Stewart, John Oliver, Larry Wilmore
and Stephen Colbert, among others. You
should have patented the idea.

MAHER: I don't care about that. I didn't in-
vent the roundtable; I think King Arthur
did that. But I did put my twist on it.

Idreamed of
being Johnny
Carson, but that
kind of show
would drive me
nuts now.

What I think we deserve credit for was,
in 1993, nobody wanted to touch poli-
tics as an entertainment vehicle. It was
the ultimate poison. Trust me, the only
reason Comedy Central put that show on
the air was because they needed some-
thing; they had nothing and this cost
$3, or whatever it cost them to pay me
and push a piece of furniture into place.
Everybody said, "Are you crazy? Politics?
Are you kidding? We hate politics."
PLAYBOY: Now you have 34 Emmy nomi-
nations, though you've never won for
your show.

MAHER: I think it's because when you say
things that are uncomfortable you make
all sorts of enemies.

PLAYBOY: People in Hollywood don't
like you?

MAHER: You never hear from the ones
who don't like you. The ones who come
up to me are the ones who say thank you
for speaking the truth—for me, that's
better than an Emmy. But it would be
great to live in a world where you could

tell the truth and also get invited to the
White House and have all the politicians
come on your show. The Clintons are
still the big fish.

PLAYBOY: Jon Stewart is quitting The Daily
Show. Colbert is taking over for David
Letterman. Why have others burned out
on this beat and you're still going strong?
MAHER: I don't know that they burned
out so much as wanted to try something
new. It also might be that those are two
very bright guys, and maybe the shows
they were doing just weren't challeng-
ing for them after a while. Mine is still an
enormous challenge: I do an hour that's
live—live!—and goes from a stand-up
comedy monologue to a serious news-
maker interview to a political panel dis-
cussion to a celebrity one-on-one inter-
view, with no commercial breaks to reset.
I don't think there's a workout like that
anywhere else on ТУ, and if that doesn’t
keep you engaged, nothing will. I get off
on challenging the conventional wisdom,
not just from the right but from the left as
well. My entire youth I dreamed of noth-
ing but being Johnny Carson, but that
kind of show would drive me nuts now.
Too easy. I like being on the high wire.
PLAYBOY: Do you watch network news?
MAHER: I do watch network news, even
though I’ve wanted to throw my shoe at
the set for years now. When Brian Wil-
liams got suspended, we did a piece that
started out “Brian Williams shouldn't
have to go away because he lied; he
should have to go away because the
nightly news sucks." I thought people
would boo because it was so harsh, but
they cheered forcefully—it really hit a
chord. Of course I was talking about
all three network newscasts, because
they're exactly the same. You get about
five minutes at the top of actual news—
unless it snowed anywhere near where
they live on the East Coast, and then
that's the only thing happening in the
world that day—before we're into “Mak-
ing a Difference" and the medical seg-
ment and then the human-interest non-
sense at the end: the autistic kid making
a three-pointer and such. ABC devoted
only 13 minutes all of last year to cli-
mate change, NBC only 25 minutes—
this is journalistic malpractice.

PLAYBOY: Let's move on. Were you popu-
lar with girls growing up?

MAHER: Oh God, no. I had a crappy ado-
lescence with girls. Most people have
fun with girls starting in high school and
definitely in college. I didn't get laid at
all in college. Later, I made up for it. I
did stuff people do in college when I was
in my later 20s, 30s and probably 40s.
I did some stupid things and said some
stupid things, but it's good to look back
and be ashamed of yourself sometimes.
It means you're growing.

I dated a lot of girls, but I was never
Wilt Chamberlain. Like, I always loved
the Playboy parties, but if there were
orgies going on, (continued on page 110)

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The Magic Little Blue Pill

Not since birth control has a medication so seriously transformed America's sex life.
But why are VIAGRA 5 side effects more cultural than physical?

~
S

NIHS Hd3SOt A8 AHdVHDOLOHd

Before Viagra, you had tiger penises.
Dried, boiled in soup or infused in
brandy, the big cat’s phallus was said
to turn men into sexual tigers. Casa-
nova slurped 50 raw oysters a day to
fuel his sex life. The Marquis de Sade
fed Spanish fly, a genital irritant made
from ground beetles, to prostitutes
who caught his eye. The Beastie Boys
sang about doing the same. Men look-
ing for the perfect aphrodisiac have
tried rock salt, bulls’ balls, monkey
brains, sheep eyelids, blowfish, whale
dung, snail dung, human menstrual
blood and baboon urine, to name a
few. Not to mention giant ants.

Before Viagra, all the sexual-
performance-enhancing drugs in the
world had one thing in common: They
didn't work.

‘Lhen, in 1983, the country's leading
urologists met in Las Vegas.

At that point nobody was sure how
erections happened. Urologists all
knew that a penis is 70 to 75 percent
muscle, but half of them thought all
that muscle tissue had to contract for
the organ to spring into action. The
other half believed the tissue needed
to relax, allowing blood to fill the

muscle of love. Dr. Giles Brindley was
in the second camp, and he planned to
prove his point.

Brindley, a former Olympic pole-
vaulter, was a thin, bespectacled pro-
fessor at the University of London
known for taking his ideas to ex-
tremes. “He'd stand on his head and
drink water from a rubber hose to
show that swallowing is a function of
muscle contractions in the throat, not
gravity,” one medical blogger recalled.
Brindley once tested the agility of rab-
bits by tossing the animals around a
car going 80 miles an hour. And he
made an immediate impression at the
1983 American Urological Association
convention. While the hundred or so
urologists in his audience at the Las
Vegas Hilton wore suits and ties, he
took the stage in a tracksuit. His lec-

THE NEW DRUG WAS

CALLED VIAGRA, A NAME

SUGGESTING VITALITY

AND VIGOR. BUT IT

ALLED IT CYANIDE

ture sounded like the usual stuff at
first, with numbers and citations, but
as he spoke, clicking through photos
ofa fully erect penis, the crowd perked
up. Had he really mentioned a “new
approach” to male sexuality?

“I can vouch for the veracity of these
photos,” Brindley said, “because that’s
my penis.” (continued on page 112)

Sexual Healing Through the Ages

1. Oysters 2. Whale dung 3. Giant ant 4. Tiger penis 5. Bul

esticles 6. Viagra 7. Blowfish 8. Babc

urine 9. Spanish fly

So Where’s the
Little Pink Pill?

Science has solved half the prob-
lem. Can it conquer the other half?

exologists, research chemists, ven-
ture capitalists and not a few wom-
en have sought a “female Viagra”
ever since Viagra remade the sex-
med market in 1998. Whoever succeeds
could make billions of dollars and millions
of friends. "Viagra might be great for what
ails you,” says Dr. Irwin Goldstein, president
of the Institute for Sexual Medicine in San
Diego, “but if your partner lacks desire or
isn't orgasmic, there's a limit to how great.”
The next step is a chemical accelerant for the
flagging female libido—but it's a giant step.

Everybody knows males are sexually
simpler than women, Show a man a nude
photo, a Gauguin painting or a coin purse,
and his impulse is to impregnate it. That's
because his investment in sex, in evolution-
ary terms, might be measured in minutes or
even seconds. Meanwhile, a female could be
in for nine months of pregnancy and years
of childcare. Women evolved to be slower
and more selective because they risk more
by having sex. Consider the math: She pro-
duces about 400 eggs In her lifetime, while
a man produces more than 100 million
sperm every ejaculation.

The fact that women are hardwired for
love more than for lust makes their sexual
chemistry more complex, You can't just
open the vascular floodgates to the groin
the way Viagra does. You tweak a molecule,
tickle a neurotransmitter, see how the effects
and side effects add up. Several years ago
it looked as though PT-141 might be the an-
swer. Delivered by nasal inhaler, it reportedly
induced "great waves of lust” but also, un-
fortunately, “sudden jumps in blood pressure
and bouts of vomiting.” Another candidate,
Lybrido, boosts genital blood flow Viagra-
style while fine-tuning the balance of brain
chemicals involved in desire. A similar med
called Lybridos emphasizes brain chemistry
over genital effects. They might reach the
market sometime in 2016.

Then there's flibanserin, another new drug
that rejiggers the neurotransmitters dopa-
mine and serotonin. Its maker, Sprout Phar-
maceuticals, claims it's the cure for what the
company calls hypoactive sexual desire dis-
order. Some experts consider HSDD a bogus
disease, an excuse to sell a new drug, but
Sprout has MRIs showing different sparks
in the brains of “normal” women and those
with HSDD. “These women have a brain mal-
function,” says Goldstein.

Boehringer Ingelheim, the German drug
giant that developed flibanserin, gave up on
it after getting mixed results in drug trials.
Then Sprout, a start-up run by a North Caro-
lina couple, Cindy and Robert Whitehead,
bought the rights and began lobbying to
bring their drug to market. Their campaign
featured sexologists, congresswomen and
the president of NOW. In February, the FDA
agreed to re-review the drug. Approval could
come as soon as August of this year.

If the FDA approves flibanserin, you'll soon
hear about it—probably under the brand
name Girosa. It's a pink pill.—K.C.

“It's a cooking show with Viagra as the main ingredient!"

A DONNA

THE т Miu DES

PHOTOGRAPHY BY

MARTIN H.M. SCHREIBER

алай
N
"VEN GRAMMYS, SOLD 300 MILLION RECORDS AND RELE $
DING THIS YEAR'S REBEL HEART. BUT BEFORE SHE WAS z
THE MATERIAL GIRL, AN UNKNOWN MADONNA SAT FOR PHOTOG
= SCHREIBER ІМ 1979 FOR AN ETHEREAL PHOTO SHOOT. М
ESE RARE IMAGES, SOME МЕМЕК BEFORE SEEN, АКЕ COLLECTED
"S NEW BOOK, A RETROSPECTIVE 1966-2014

[DUNCAN MEEDER/LEICA STORE LISSE, NETHERLANDS), OUT THIS MONTH.
3. WE GIVE YOU AN EXCLUSIVE SNEAK РЕЕК.

RA HER

AFTER 25 YEARS, GOODFELLAS IS STILL THE
CAPO OF GANGSTER CINEMA. AN EXCLUSIVE
BEHIND-THE-SCENES LOOK AT HOW
SCORSESE’S BLOODY EPIC BEAT THE ODDS

BY STEPHEN REBELLO

Summer 1990.

It’s eight rm. on one of those punishingly
muggy, wet-shirt-stuck-to-back-of-neck
southern California nights. But in the air-
conditioned comfort of a movie theater
smack-dab in the middle of moneyed,
conservative Orange County, things are
about to get much hotter. There’s not a
seat to be had for the evening’s big at-
traction: a preview screening of direc-
tor Martin Scorsese's first new gangster
movie since Mean Streets 17 years earlier.

Packed in the theater with hundreds of
everyday moviegoers are the film’s high-
powered producer Irwin Winkler (Rocky,
Raging Bull), executive producer Barbara
De Fina (married at the time to Scorsese)
and Warner Bros. board chairman
Robert A. Daly, champion of Oscar win-
ners Chariots of Fire and Unforgiven. Pro-
jectors fire up. Houselights dim. Studio
reps settle in, fidget and sweat. A $25 mil-
lion celluloid Molotov cocktail is about to
be hurled at an unsuspecting audience.

In interviews at the time, Scorsese
described his latest picture—about how
real-life Irish-Italian American street
thug Henry Hill became a full-on Mafia
insider and spun-out drug addict—as “a
Mob home movie.” The film was origi-
nally called Wiseguy, then Made Men, then
Good Fellas, but on preview night Saul
Bass’s Psycho-influenced title sequence
read simply Goodfellas. Warner Bros. had
slotted the movie to debut at the 47th
Venice International Film Festival in
early September and planned to release
it in nearly 2,000 U.S. theaters on Sep-
tember 21, months ahead of the year’s
most anticipated gangster movie, Francis
Ford Coppola’s The Godfather: Part III.

In comparison with Coppola’s movie,
Scorsese’s almost seemed an also-ran. It
carried no presold, Mario Puzo-level title,
and outside of Robert De Niro and Joe

Pesci, it featured no name-brand cast mem-
bers to match the combined firepower
of Coppola's Al Pacino, Andy Garcia and
Diane Keaton. Goodfellas also arrived at a
time when even Scorsese's staunchest ad-
mirers had been making do with Тће King
of Comedy and The Color of Money instead
of bold, innovative, bare-knuckled stun-
ners like Taxi Driver and Raging Bull. Still,
Scorsese was a name to be reckoned with,
and there was poetic justice in Goodfellas
being released by a studio synonymous
with 1930s and 1940s gangster epics star-
ring such antiheroes as James Cagney, Ed-
ward G. Robinson and Humphrey Bogart.

But once the Goodfellas sneak preview
got rolling, things went haywire, right
from the hero's first line of narration:
"As far back as I can remember, I always
wanted to be a gangster."

“WE HAD 38
WALKOUTS AFTER
THE SCENE WHERE
JOE PESCI KVIFES
THE BODY IN THE
TRUNK OF A CAR. IT
WAS DISASTROUS.”

“People started running out of that
theater like the place was on fire,” recalls
Winkler today. “We had 38 walkouts alone
after the scene where Joe Pesci’s character,
Tommy DeVito, knifes the body of Billy
Batts in the trunk ofa car. And that was just
the beginning of the movie. The screening
didn’t go badly. It was disastrous.”

So disastrous that, as the movie’s dark
humor and merry mayhem of stabbings,
shootings and cocaine-fueled freak-outs
piled up, 32 more people fled the theater.
After the preview, which De Fina called
“scary,” studio execs read a barrage of au-
dience reaction cards typified by one from
a dissatisfied customer who’d scrawled
“Fuck you” all over his. “It upset a lot of
people,” says Scorsese. “People weren’t
prepared for the mixture of humor and
violence, the lifestyle, the attitude.”

A lot of those people congregated
where it really counted—the Warner
Bros. boardroom. Hollywood trade pa-
per Variety reported that the Goodfellas test
screening had pulled in the poorest re-
sponse in the studio’s history. “When the
film was initially shown to the studio, they
liked it very much, but then there was
pressure to cut out the violence and the
drugs and the language,” says Scorsese.

Adds Winkler, “When you have that many
people walk out, you don’t need to read
the reaction cards. But we believed in the
movie and thought it was everything we
wanted it to be. We wanted to keep it in
the shape it was in, but we knew after that
preview it wouldn't be easy.” It wasn't.

As Goodfellas marks its 25th anniver-
sary this year, it reigns as the capo di tutti
capi, acknowledged by critics and audi-
ences as one of the indisputably great
gangster films—if not the greatest—in
the genre's 88-year history, which kicked

off with Underworld in 1927. It’s also one
of the most quoted, influential, enjoyable
and endlessly revisited movies of all time.
Goodfellas holds a place in the Library
of Congress’s National Film Registry, a
prestigious list of “culturally, historically
or aesthetically significant films.” David
Chase, creator of The Sopranos, has ac-
knowledged his debt to the film, saying,
“Goodfellas is the Koran for me.”

Those who made the film feel its legacy
constantly. “Every day of my life, total
strangers talk to me about that movie

and throw lines of dialogue at me,” says
Ray Liotta, who plays Henry Hill. Adds
screenwriter Nicholas Pileggi, “То Mob
guys who really know the world, it’s less
а movie than it is а documentary. It's real
to the tiniest detail.”

Goodfellas hardly looked like a slam
dunk for pop-culture immortality a quar-
ter of a century ago, however. The saga
began in 1981 when New York lawyer
Robert Simels was shopping a book deal
for his troubled 38-year-old client Henry
Hill. As an 11-year-old working-class kid
from Brooklyn, Hill began to work for
local hoods in 1955 and eventually rose
to full-fledged mobster, drug wholesaler
and ice-blooded mechanic who did the
bidding of the Lucchese crime family.
His exploits included masterminding
the 1978 heist of $5 million in cash and

$875,000 іп jewels from John Е Ken-
nedy International Airport with fellow
gangster James Burke. On April 27,

1980, Hill was arrested on a narcotics-
related charge in Nassau County, New
York. Rather than do jail time or become
a fugitive, he entered the Witness Pro-
tection Program. Strapped for cash and
armed with a formidable memory and a
gift for self-promotion, he had a story to
tell—but only for the right price.

Simon & Schuster was interested in

files on them. That impressed Henry—
that and the fact that I wasn't judgmental
about him. For two years we talked almost
every day on the phone and, later, in hotel
rooms, restaurants, cars, the prosecutors’
office, even in parks in the Midwest.”
Pileggi’s Wise Guy, published in 1986,
is a compelling, ugly, highly detailed
and vividly written insider's account of
a Mafia foot soldier's rise and fall. Win-
ning strong reviews, two unprecedented
magazine cover stories and runaway

“HENRY MILL IS OUR GUIDE INTO THE
UNDERWORLD,” SAYS SCORSESE. “RAY
HAD A SENSE OF GUILELESSYESS.

I ALMANS WANTED HIM TO PLAY HENRY.”

Simels’s offer and chose Nicholas Pileggi,
a well-respected, well-connected veteran
New York crime reporter, as Hill’s col-
laborator. “I met Henry at an FBI office,
and he was very out there—a hustler,
sort of a wimp, clever, charming, person-
able, everything a writer could want,”
says Pileggi, whose own father was a first-
generation immigrant from Calabria, a
city mere hours from Sicily. “Henry would
mention a name, and I knew who these
guys were, knew their nicknames and kept

best-seller status, Wise Guy was “hot-
ter than a pistol,” according to Pileggi’s
agent, Sterling Lord. “Even before we
started offering movie rights, I got calls
from dozens of producers wanting to buy
it,” Lord says. His and Pileggi’s terms? A
sweet $500,000, with no options.

“I was working at New York magazine
when I got messages saying Marty Scorsese
called,” says Pileggi. “I thought it was my
friend busting my chops, so I didn’t even
call back. I got home one night and my

1. Ray Liotta in the infamous, mostly
improvised “You think I'm funny?” scene.
2. “Every second word from Joe Pesci
was fuck," says cinematographer Michael
Ballhaus. Altogether, Goodfellas racks up
more than 200 F-bombs.

wife [Oscar-nominated screenwriter Nora
Ephron] said, 'Are you crazy? Why won't
you talk to Marty?' When I called him the
next morning, he said he'd been looking
for a book like this for years. I said, “Well,
I've been waiting for this phone call all my
Ше. And I meant it.”

At the time, Scorsese was in Chicago
making The Color of Money with Paul New-
man and had other projects ahead of him.
"I said, ‘I want to write Wise Guy with you,
so finish your movies, and when you're
ready, we'll write this опе,” says Pileggi.
"We never signed any papers. There was
never a written agreement. We just made
the deal on the phone. Our agents and
lawyers went bat-shit because there was no
contract for them to get a piece of. I felt I
knew this guy from his work, and he must
have felt the same thing. It was trust."

Wise Guy documented a world that
Scorsese knew intimately as someone
who'd grown up with Catholic parents in
acramped Little Italy apartment in 1950s
Manhattan. Severely asthmatic and of-
ten isolated, he slept in a special oxygen
tent and became not only an inveterate
moviegoer but also an acute observer.
“Тһе book evoked powerful memories of
growing up in Little Italy," says Scorsese.
"Memories of the people, the body lan-
guage, the men standing outside the
doorways and the women looking out
the windows to see what was going on.
Wise Guy deals with a tough group of
people, but there were also the honest,
hardworking people who were trying
to make a living, stuck in a world where
organized crime had a lot of power." In
fact, Scorsese's best friend growing up
was the son of a Mafia boss, according
to Goodfellas cinematographer Michael
Ballhaus. "Things might have been very
different for him had Marty been a big-
ger, stronger boy out on the streets," says
Ballhaus. "He's said as much to me."

Although Scorsese and Pileggi im-
mediately found each other to be pro-
fessionally and personally simpatico, it
took Irwin Winkler to make the project
coalesce. "I (continued on page 105)

“Money cant buy you happiness, but it can buy you a little piece.”

DECADES AFTER THE EVENTS IN THREE DAYS OF THE CONDOR, THE
LEGENDARY CIA ANALYST IS FREED FROM A MENTAL FACILITY AND
DROPPED INTO THE MIDDLE OF THE ARAB SPRING UPRISING

guion O JAMES 6 RADY

7 owre crammed into the backseat of a banana- buildings and shuttered stores streaming past the car

scented Toyota rumbling through a battered windows. А trash barrel burns on a street corner. А

city’s night. Riding shotgun is the cleric Ahmed. white dog trots through the headlights 45 minutes

He holds a cell phone: Its glow shows you've got just before your only chance for rescue.

47 minutes to make it to the Exfilt. Mashed beside Ahmed in the front seat is Travua,
So abort trying to identify your target amid the six who claims to be a geek. Nour drives, her college-
еорје jammed into this car. Otherwise, if the bad coed hair flying wild. On your left sits Skander,
uy doesn't get you. then your crazy will. says he'sa mortician. On your right, Renee strobes
Streetlights work, but darkness fills the flat glass she hates your guts. Silver (continued on page 100)

ILLUSTRATION BY ANTHONY VENTURA

B3.

PLAYBOY | MAY 2015

WITH RENEGADE
VINTNERS, PUNK ROCK
SOMMELIERS AND ZERO
PRETENSION, THERE’S
NE BETER TIME EER:
DRINKING WINE. HERE
ARE THE NEW RULES
OF THE GRAPE AND
HOW TO BREAK THEM

PHOTO BY JOSEPH SHIN

* Patrick Cappiello
is the poster boy
for a new breed of
sommeliers who
pride themselves
on their anti-snob

approach. The wine

director and owner
of New York’s Pearl
& Ash and Rebelle
(and a Playboy.com
contributor) wants
to steer you toward

obscure and deli-
cious wines you’ve
never heard of, the
way your hippest
friend introduces
you to new bands.
“You don’t need

to be academic to
enjoy wine,” says
Cappiello. “Let us
find something you
like so you can get
drinking.”

OUR
WORDS

HOW TO
TALK TOA
SOMMELIER
(WITHOUT
SOUNDING
LIKE AN ASS]

BE
YOURSELF
Tell the som-

melier what
you prefer
If you like
pinot noir
from Oregon
but not
California,
зау 50.

TALK
STRAIGHT
Ditch the
wine-speah.
There's no
shame in
saying you
think a good
chardonnay
should taste
like popcorn

SHOW AND
TELL
Take smart-
phone pictures
of wines
you've tried
and liked,
and show
them to the
sommelier for
inspiration

KNOW
YOUR LIMIT
State your
price range
to help
narrow down
the search
and keep your
bill within

reason

THE
ONLY
THREE
GLASSES

EVERYDAY
DRINKING

* Riedel Ouverture
e glas:
vork well with
white too. Save
them for your

* Stemless

YOU fancier wines. they're genius
(524 for two, ($2.95 each, crate — ($15 for 12,
NEED riedelusa.net) andbarrel.com) amazon.com)

МАУ 2015

БЕТ YOUR SITES

• The vast wealth of vino info online can
overwhelm. Here are three sites to get you started:
ТЕПП Ж The online home of California's
legendary wine store offers real-time inventory
updates and opinionated entries.

Unique, hard-to-find wines

selected by top-notch restaurant sommeliers.

RSS If you're looking for a speci

wine, chances are you'll be able to find and order it

on this vast benchmark wine search engine.

но.

»
Ш
ABOUT ABV

* “Alcohol E
ите” is just about
the most telling
number an a bottle
Typically, a higher
number means
bigger-bodied; lower
mean nt
more food-fi

115-134
Best with fish
and lighter
white-meat
dishes.

13575-19974

Best with rich
beef and pork
dishes.

Get Your
DEGREE

ПП —

If you're drinking
red wine at room
temperature, you're
missing out on its
best flavors

四

Stick reds in the
fridge for 20
minutes, and the
alcohol, flavors and
aromas will come
into balance

ш-

Conversely, let
white wine sit out
for 20 minutes
after it's been in
the fridge

Super cold, straight
from-the-fridge white
wine is too tight and
needs to open up to
taste ¡ts best

B li:
B us

100

* Nuvino's
un-oaked
picnic-perfect
South African
chardonnay

goes down easy.
(nuvino.com)

• This quaffable

* Fuori Strada

Огедоп pinot Off Road

noir comes in a sangiovese lets
downright manly you live the
metal vesse dolce vino in a
(unionwine Tetra Pak carton

company.com) (1glwines.com)

WINE
INA

BOX (OR
BAG OR
CAN) IS
FINALLY
5000

* If you want to go deep, buying a
MA K F mixed half case is the best way to learn

about wine. Go to a wine shop and ask
for a case mixed by grape, region or
country. If your wine seller can't do
that for you, then it’s not a good shop.

DUNTRY CASE: SPAIN

Aclassic
pinot 7 р
noir from „а Y % del Duero 2

Burgundy в Ж

^ A pinot

pinornoir noir from 2 ЖЖ А

from Califor: % " 2 Sparing
Z E х loscato

A pinot noir
from New 2 powerful
Barolo

STEVEN GRUBBS

(ПЕ GEORGIA'S £j
EMPIRE STATE
SOUTH AND FIVE

& TEN) ОМ BETTER
WAYS ТО DRINK • Be selective:
BIG WINES “Syrah isn't

supposed to be big.
In its best form,
like Опре from
California, it’s more

savory and not

as huge.” Play to
type: “Drink wine
from a grape that’s
actually supposed
to be big, such as an
aglianico from Italy.”
Grab a (classic)
cab: “Go witha
cabernet sauvignon
from legacy Napa
wineries Mayacamas
or Dutch Henry.”

+ If you're going
to open a bottle
af champagne
with a saber, you
should do it with
the proper equip-
ment (апа study
an instructional
video). This Ital-
ian knife has

a finger guard
for extra safety.
(588, kaufmann-
mercantile.com)

PAGE | 67

BITTEN

THE LAP OF

From fine wine and world travel о red roses
and decadent chocolate, Miss May loves to indulge.
Can you handle her extravagant nature?

SINO
тнотосвлну ву JOSH RYAN

“I wanted romance. I wanted sex appeal. I wanted fur,
luxury and lace,” says Miss May 2015 Brittany Brousseau
of her PLAYBOY pictorial, set at an opulent colonial man-
sion in southern California. “And you? 1 want you to be
intrigued.” Such unabashed hedonism speaks volumes
about our wild-spirited cover girl, a French Cherokee
model from Kansas who describes herself as both a sex-
ually adventurous thrill seeker and a diehard romantic.
“Think of me as sweetness mixed with fire,” she says.
In fact, think of Brittany as anything but the girl next
door, despite her humble beginnings. “I grew up on a
farm, which meant baling hay and breaking ice before
school. But I always knew I wanted something more.” At
18, mere weeks before she was to enroll in a police acad-
emy, Brittany went looking for more. She moved to Miami

by herself and pursued modeling full-time. After imme-
diate success in commercial print campaigns, Brittany
relocated to California, “hopin' to dream, baby.” There,
she found her true self—and caught the eye of PLAYBOY.

“Tm still a country girl at heart with rough edges—a
fun-loving bar girl who plays pool—but my energy has
always been very sensual,” she says. “That's why this was
my dream shoot. For the first time, who 1 see on the
outside matches who І am on the inside.” Fearless and
confident, Brittany hopes to explore more of the world
as a Playmate. "This is the happiest I've ever been, and
I can't wait to experience the nicer, luxe things in life. I
want to travel. I want to learn a new language. I want to
see the seven wonders of the world,” she says, pausing.
"And of course I want to become the eighth!"

PLAYBOY.COM/BRITTANY-BROUSSEAU

PLAYBOY’S PLAYMATE OF THE MONTH

=
=
с>
==
=

PLAYMATE DATA SHEET

NAME: Ва Han Brousseau х

moe Ed 2A” HIPS: 30”
у»

muncos man MOS И ТА ia i

BIRTH DATE: 10/12 28 BIRTHPLACE: La Mesa c

auerrions TO See the world through modelna and actin
d Coinue mu fitness Career +M rou И coral Han.
ruen-ons:A MAN ^ Knows how to UE lady! Honesty,
passion, undeniable Сћапста and q д0 Moral Compass
rurvores M not а mind reader. | like Someone who
what he thinks. | can+ Sand кіш, па E

ME IN A NUTSHELL: From tomb to Playboy * | en)
ди from beer, all = а. 10 Ez
finê dris da wild me manes
BEING GOOD IN BED MEANS: . Give as well a ou rece; ve;

(6 ) Sexually adventurous + (С) Make op thé cales aS you да.

МУ RECIPE FOR LOVE: hö k are бох 大 if

ooking for love, Kiss | hol f

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hog ти ody and nurture my Soul?

Ћ lin а 22
Your“ ес head Shot ideo!

u an

Keepin’ 1 7 My First

PLAYBOY’S PARTY JOKES

A woman who was struggling with her rela-
tionships started to make a list of men’s pros
and cons.

Pro: their dicks.

Con: They’re dicks.

What do you call a gigolo who works for free?
An organ donor.

What do you call someone who thinks sex
often lasts too long?
Ап inmate.

When asked if they would have sex with
Charlie Sheen, 86 percent of women in Los
Angeles said, “Not again.”

A new study has found that men who are
vegan have a much lower sperm count com-
pared with those who eat meat. Even worse,
the few sperm that vegan men do have refuse
to go anywhere near an egg.

Two friends agreed to meet for drinks after
work. One arrived late and said, “Sorry, but
on my way here 1 saw three punks slapping my
old boss around.”
His friend asked, “Did you stop to help?”
The guy said, “No, I figured the three of
them could handle it.”

During a screening of Fifty Shades ој Grey
a man was attacked by three rowdy women.
The responding police officers handcuffed the
women, so their plan worked perfectly.

We know a guy who just joined the mile-high
club by humping a hooker in Denver.

An attractive coed approached her professor
and whispered, “Га do anything to get an Ain
this course.”

“You’d really do anything I want?” asked the
professor with a mischievous smile.

“Yes, anything,” purred the girl suggestively.

The professor looked around to make sure
no one could hear him and then asked, “Would
you...study?”

Five thousand men were asked what they like
best about oral sex:
Three percent like the warmth.
Four percent enjoy the sensation.
Ninety-three percent appreciate the silence.

A prostitute slipped on the sidewalk and was
helped to her feet by a priest who was passing
by. “This is the first time I’ve rescued a fallen
woman,” said the priest.

The prostitute replied, “This isn’t the first
time I’ve been picked up by a clergyman.”

Sure, when Venus sits naked in a giant clam-
shell, she’s a goddess, but when you try to do
it you're a “pervert” and “no longer welcome
at the aquarium.”

A gorgeous woman walked into a bar. After
a few drinks she asked a man if he would like
to go home with her, and he accepted. When
they arrived at her apartment and he walked
into her bedroom, he noticed a wall lined with
stuffed animals arranged on different shelves
according to size. The smallest sat on the bot-
tom shelf, the midsize on the middle shelf,
and the largest on the top shelf. He found this
peculiar but brushed it aside and proceeded to
have sex with the woman. After they finished
the man asked, “So how was it?”

The woman replied, “You may have any-
thing from the bottom shelf.”

My lima

Hurt me!” she cried as she spread out naked
on the bed.

“All right,” he said. “You’re a terrible cook,
and I prefer your sister.”

What do you call a man who has just had sex?
Anything you want; he’s asleep.

What's the difference between light and hard?
You can sleep with a light on.

Two rednecks were fishing when one asked
the other, “If I slept with your wife, would that
make us family?”

“No,” his friend replied, “but it would make
us even.”

Send your jokes to Playboy Party Jokes, 9346 Civic
Center Drive, Beverly Hills, California 90210, or
by e-mail to jokes@playboy.com.

“In ту view, Conway, а corner office with a spotlessly clean window is а must.”

2
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all

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EOS «D
KAO
АУ EN SS

一 一

ar
BY MOLLY OSWAKS xd
MWMustration bay Mike Perry ~

ет

the middle of one of the coldest Northeastern winters on record, I’m taking
off all my clothes in a room full of strangers. It’s hardly a sexy striptease.
Гуе just arrived at the Young Naturists America headquarters, a Long
Island City luxury condo shared by co-founders Jordan Blum, an Israeli
who moved to New York after a stint in the Israel Defense Forces and now
manages an antique-carpet gallery, and his fiancée, Felicity Jones (not their
real names). І step through the doorway shivering despite being layered in
fleece-lined black leggings, wool socks, snow boots, a long-sleeve thermal
tee, a black cashmere sweater and a goose-down parka.

It's Naked Movie Night for УМА, a New York-based organization for
social nude-friendly people with a focus on advocating for tolerance, accep-
tance and positive body image. Sex and seduction are beside the point. At
most of their larger events, a folding screen is set up in a corner, behind
which nudists can disrobe discreetly. (The printed paper sign taped to the
front reads UNDRESSING ROOM.) Here at their home, I undress incrementally,
nervously. First my leggings, then my sweater, shirt and bra a few minutes
later. It is my first time being socially naked, and I’m not yet comfortable
baring it all. Eventually І get down to just my undies (pink boy shorts), my
long brown hair arranged strategically to cover my breasts.

Naked on their couch (a towel spread for guests, for obvious reasons), surrounded by an outgo-
ing group of proud naturists most comfortable when they’re least dressed, I try to put myself in
the mind-set. I also try to keep from ogling the buffet of bodies before me. When have I been nude
before? Mainly at home with my boyfriend. But there was also the time I went to a Korean spa in
downtown Los Angeles and found myself naked on top of a pink rubber massage bed next to several
other women in the same position. And the Turkish bath house in Manhattan that I went to with my
cousin Natasha when we were both in college. Any other time I’ve been naked has been in an inti-
mate or institutional setting, necessary for one reason or another. I can’t remember being naked just
because—and never for movie night with a group of strangers.

Here at Jones and Blum’s apartment, the coffee table laden with mixed nuts, chips and dips and
bottles of wine, it could be just any other movie night. A 30-year-old special-effects makeup artist,
affectionately referred to as Painting Paul, rings the doorbell, and Jones greets him in blue-and-
lavender-plaid pajama pants and plush bedroom slippers, topless in the wide-open door frame. Later,
a married couple arrives whose last name sounds similar to another word for person. “The Persons are
here!” shouts Blum, shaking his shoulder-length sandy-blond hair. Once all the guests are accounted
for, the discussion centers on which movie to watch. Blum suggests Gravity, but Painting Paul vetoes
it: “That’s too heavy to watch naked.” We ultimately settle on Monty Python and the Holy Grail, though

it mostly plays іп the background as we talk about
the naturist lifestyle.

Naturism, as compared with nudism, is about
more than just not wearing clothes. To hear a room
full of naked naturists tell it, the main difference is
one's state of mind. Nudism is the practice of going
naked in a nonsexualized setting. Easy enough.
“Naturism isn’t just about going naked,” Jones
explains. “It has ideals and values behind it, like
respect for oneself and others, respecting nature,
the environment, accepting people as they are.”

Jones is a third-generation nudie raised at the
New Jersey naturist resort Rock Lodge, where
her grandparents raised her father and where he
brought her mother to live in the 1980s. Jones’s
parents are now divorced, but her mother remains
a year-round Rock Lodge resident, helping run
the place when it's in season. She and Jones's

father live in separate

cabins on the grounds.
When І first met

“One thing

about being

Jones months earlier,
she was jazzed about a
naked is that

new business venture
she, her fiancé and
a few of their nudie
friends were starting: a

it forces mios spain New елер

erlam—a combination

everyone of the French words

to confront terre, meaning "earth,"

themselves.” and Гате, meaning
.

“the soul” (“Like ‘soul

of the earth,’” Jones
Э explained)—would

offer all the usual spa

and fitness-center
activities within a safe, nude-friendly setting, no
Lululemon leggings required. Unfortunately,
after being open less than six months, the spa
was forced to close. Unexpected repair costs and
a slow summer season were in part to blame, but
the underlying feeling was that much ofthe com-
munity around Fords, New Jersey just wasn't
ready for a nude business.

Now Jones, fully nude but for a pair of ankle
socks, sits cross-legged as she updates the УМА
Facebook page, solemn face, pale eyebrows, little
mouth scrunched in concentration. She worked
briefly as a receptionist at a French school in Man-
hattan, but these days Young Naturists America
is a full-time job. Jen, a 30-year-old nurse with
long, straight dark-brown hair and a lanky young
body, passes around her iPhone: It's February 14
(I promised my boyfriend we’d celebrate tomor-
row; I have to be nude with other people tonight)

and someone has just texted her a photo ofa pair
of hairless testicles shifted into the shape ofa heart
with HAPPY VALENTINES DAY written below.

Sitting in a room of young nudists raises a lot
of questions. How do you know you're a nudist?
Are nudists always naked at home? Do nudists
care about fashion? Jen does; she’s into it. Jones
says wearily that she “doesn’t give a shit any-
more.” I can see how nudism may come easier
to a person like Jones than to others: She bears a
resemblance to Botticelli’s Birth of Venus—cinched
waist, pert breasts, romantically unkempt straw-
berry hair, young taut skin. Saggy old hippies
these people are not.

“One thing about being naked,” says one of the
Persons, “is that it forces everyone to confront
themselves. It’s like, Okay, I’m naked. Now what?”

“Now let's get high,” someone says.

“Okay, we’re naked and high. Now what?”

Someone points out that the brownies are vegan
but also special.

“Shit, I just got salsa on my penis,” says Paint-
ing Paul. Everyone laughs.

Yes, nudity has a whole new look. Once a subcul-
ture stereotyped as droopy baby boomers baring
all at Indiana retreats, nudism is attracting a hip-
per, perkier audience. This new generation of
nudists meets up in cool New York City neigh-
borhoods for clothing-optional art openings and
“Naked Meditation With Crystals and Raw Vegan
Chocolate.” The happenings are designed to cater
to naked-friendly 20-somethings who may choose
to skip Burning Man (continued on page 118)

HONEY, $ WANT You To
KNOW THAT ALTHOUGH WERE
MARRIED, THERE ARE CERTAIN

ASPECTS OF HY LIFE f
MONT BE CHANGING.

w BERS AER WORK WIT |
498 GUYS FROM THE OFFICE mn

THAT'S FINE, BABE. (HERE ARE
CERTAIN ASPECTS OF MY
FE y WoN BE
CHANGING EITHER.

SEX AT 10 WHETHER,
YOU RE HERE

Q1
PLAYBOY: Starring as Ethan Chandler,
a Victorian-era ladies’ man-gunslinger-
werewolf on the sexy supernatural horror
ТУ series Penny Dreadful, has won you new
attention and acclaim. You first gained
notice in the early 2000s as the It guy in a
string of high-profile movies such as Pearl
Harbor, Black Hawk Down and Hollywood
Homicide. Do you buy into the conven-
tional Hollywood wisdom that you side-
tracked your career by turning down too
many other big movies, including offers

to play superheroes Batman, Superman
and Spider-Man?

HARTNETT: The intensity of my sudden
fame was overwhelming for me, and in
the middle of that, I felt I couldn’t trust
any new person I met or their motives.
I spent a lot of time back home in Min-
nesota with my friends and family. I did
smaller movies, and I stopped working
for a while. If I could go back and take
with me my wisdom of today, I wish Га
been more resilient. I hope I wouldn’t be

as panicked as I was. Maybe Га have known that no matter
what people try to take from you, you don't have to give it
to them. I’ve definitely grown a bit.

PLAYBOY: What is the blowback when you say no to big
directors and projects?

HARTNETT: Гуе definitely said no to some of the wrong
people. I said no because I was tired and wanted to spend
more time with my friends and fam-
ily. That’s frowned upon in this indus-

ing considered only one thing as an actor. I should have
thought, Well, then, work harder, man. Watching Christian
Bale go on to do so many other things has been just awe-
some. I mean, he’s been able to overcome that. Why
couldn’t I see that at the time?

Q4
PLAYBOY: Did you find yourself sitting in movie the-
aters, watching, say, Christian Bale, Brandon Routh or
Tobey Maguire in their Batman, Super-
man or Spider-Man flicks, thinking, This

try. People don’t like being told no. 1
don’t like it. I learned my lesson when
[writer-director] Christopher Nolan
and I talked about Batman. I decided
it wasn't for me. Then he didn't want
to put me in The Prestige. They not only
hired their Batman for it, they also
hired my girlfriend at the time.

ж lo some

ini

PLAYBOY: So Christian Bale and
Scarlett Johansson got to make The
Prestige, and Bale also got to make three

ака said

Erie om lesson

wouldn't have been such a bad thing
for me to do after all?
HARTNETT: Yeah, 1 have, for sure. 1
know now that 1 wouldn't turn some-
he, wrong thing down just because it’s a superhero
role. I was born in the era of Michael
ерен РХ Keaton playing Batman. That is Batman
to me. He’s awe-inspiring in that role—
tol no, so quiet, like a ghost, and then every
once in a while this incredible thing just
pops up in him. It was such a cool perfor-
mance, especially since he’d been known
for such big, broad performances.

Batman movies, all with Christopher
Nolan. The same year The Prestige came
out, you starred in both the little-seen, well-liked Lucky
Number Slevin and the little-seen, much less well-liked The
Black Dahlia, also with Johansson.

HARTNETT: That’s when I realized relationships were
formed in the fire of that first Batman film and I should
have been part of the relationship with this guy Nolan,
who I felt was incredibly cool and very talented. I was so
focused on not being pigeonholed and so scared of be-

Q 5
PLAYBOY: When you and Ben Affleck were co-starring in
Pearl Harbor, could you possibly have imagined a universe in
which he would be starring in a Superman movie?
HARTNETT: In what universe does Ben Affleck win
an Academy Award for a best picture he starred in and
directed? I knew he had it in him to do whatever he wanted
to do. Ben has always been the smartest guy, but he holds
that in reserve for some reason. (continued on page 116)

“Go to sleep, sweetheart. We'll discuss it in the morning.”

|||

FROM TRULY ARTISANAL DENIM ТО CROWDFUNDED GROOMING START-
UPS, THE AMERICAN HERITAGE STYLE REVOLUTION IS HERE TO STAY.
HERE’S OUR COAST-TO-COAST REPORT ON THE STATE OF THE UNION

By Vincent Boucher

REGIONAL
TAKES ON
JEANS, ONE
PAIR AT A
TIME

This time it’s per- Raleigh,
sonal. There’s a new North
Carolina

indie spirit in men’s

* Victor and
Sarah Lytvinenko
started their
North Carolina
jeans business

fashion rising from
coast to coast, with

an ever-widening
range of homegrown
goods made with care

Raleigh Denim
in their living
room with

and turned out on a
smaller, limited scale.
Brooklyn tailor Martin
Greenfield teams up
with J. Crew, revived

edition number Boulevard in
making a pair on its rear Hollywood,

a day. Now jeans by

their team of Schaeffer's
nonautomated Garment Hotel
jeansmiths” in workshop.com) are inspired

a downtown by 19505 biker
kshop turns style. Owner
| Los Angeles, | Robert Schaef-
California — | fer works with

Detroit-based brand
Shinola is the shit once
again, and Raleigh
Denim crafts jeans the

out limited
quantities of

old-fashioned way in each style, and = Made apstal Pen m iom
. А “У ће -роске 5 rom the retai арап that is
North Carolina. The Brooklyn, саны 3 i shopon Sunset | indigo-dyed
3 New York placemen: [ у

hand of the creator is екіні then choose without synthet

TS ЛЕТИ ла ort which weight of ics. Each pair
never lar away, meld- the Greenpoint apan comes with two
ing old and new, guid- пето ood you prefer custom fittings
А : 3rookly in. ево rst at ће time
ing sewing machines you can watch Loren, the son fa Це j
and 8-D printers alike your Jeans of a carpenter, A pre EAR
and 3-D printers alike your Jeana, did his time in then a second
| 5 i ing made A y қ
in search of authentic- ona sewing the New York ТЕГІ ура.
8 Ў лаш fashion world yee area
ity. Here's where (and machine right and with the such as the seat

T airs in front of you

how) to keep it real in often Бома:

the U.S. of A. Loren Cronk
himself. Get the
legs slimmed
down or lower

that may have
stretched out
($265, schaeffers
garment
hotel.com)

denim E
boys; now his
own joint is all
about a return
to craft. (5
lorencronk.com)

DETROIT DUDS GETAGROOM BITES SIZE-UP

gc JOHN WILLYS FELLOW SELDEN
VARVATOS DETROIT BARBER STANDARD
“This home- “Shinola's The New York- and WRIGHT

DETROIT town boy's flag- sister store based company & COMPANY

E nace ship shop just carries a great just opened a "These two
The Motor City is revving opened with his assortment shop near ош are my go-to

up, and the Shinola brand signature rock- of fashion, Midtown Detroit places, both
reboot there is leading the and-roll-infused apothecary and store, offering with a casual
way. Shinola creative director collection and home goods everything from + atmosphere

Daniel Caudill gives us a special Detroit from across the haircuts to beard and great food
guide lo the city. T-shirts.” United States.” trims.” and drinks.”

everyday talismans that tell the
world a little something about
you. So why not opt for authentic
American goods that bear the im-
print of their creators rather than
imitations soullessly stamped out
halfway around the world?

ра) four-card wallet
that easily slips
Timely nto either front
ж back pockets.
Movement NS

Detroit-based

Shinola hand
assembles the

Argonite quartz
movement for [xa]

its watches P
Brief

parabellum

collection.com)

including this

Runwell Sport Encounter
chrono. Brooklyn-based
($875, ТМ1985 turns

shinola.com) ut vintage

inspired carryalls
[x2] such as this

handcrafted CB
Work Blue brief ase, named

Using the hide Те McBride’

bison a buffalo Саа
indigenous to
North America
Parabellum
crafts products
that extoll

waxed canvas
with rugged
leather detailing
and weathered
brass hardware

the material's
luxurious texture,

3s seen in thi

Great for
hard-to-find
brands includ-
ing London's
Universal
Works (from
a Paul Smith
alum) and
Cali's own Cwst

Our L.A.-based style
contributor Vincent
Boucher shares a few of his
favorite homegrown shops
and hangouts.

for grown-up
surfer styles.”

SARTORIAL SKINNY

“This shop's "Slimmed-
curated

selection of

down suits,
colorful shoes
raw denim and witty ac-
and reworked cessories in a
classics strikes Dean Martin
suave, mod-
ernist West

Hollywood

a chord with
the city's
chopper

crowd." setting

GETTING TO
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PLAYBOY

100

JASMINE DAZE OF THE CONDOR

Continued from page 63

threads lace her black hair. Then comes
Zied, who smells of goats as he says, “We
thought you were dead.”

Answer: “Just locked up.”

“Guantänamo?” asks cleric Ahmed.

“No. The CIA's secret insane asylum.”

Maine forest, bare trees swaying like
skeletons. A castle. Hypodermics.

“How'd you get out?" asks geek Travua.

"Broke the rules."

Six days ago. A suit from Langley sends
the white coats out of your padded cell.
Says, "You're our optimal chance."

Because of 1989. Berlin Wall falls. The
Soviet-Afghan war you've been help-
ing to fuel finally ends. You leave Paris.
Leave Renee.

But she's still a street dreamer. Now
helping invent Arab Spring. And NSA
ears have discovered her local Council
on Freedom has been infiltrated by a
gunner from the band of terrorists who
killed 58 people when they attacked a
Catholic church in Baghdad four months
ago, on Halloween 2010:

“сапа so our soldier will steer those
unenlightened rebels to jihad.”

In your padded cell, you tell the CIA
suit, "You're optimally screwed, because
I’m fucking nuts.”

“The docs can shoot you full of meds,
functionalize you. This is a bad group
aborning. Breaking off from Al Qaeda
Iraq because they’re too soft. Us on their
hate list. We got no shoes in those protest
streets. White House rules say hands off,
so we've got to be cleverer. You're our only
spy shot even if...”

“Even if what?”

"You'll only have six days to actual-
ize the target and exfiltrate before your
meds wear off. Then your...your crazy will
escape, probably get you killed, definitely
lost to us. Plus, even when you're medi-
cally stoned enough to hold it together,
you're so wacko you'll only be able to tell
the truth.”

No one in your padded cell comments
on such a concept.

“And this gig is my ticket out of here?”

“Sure,” lies the suit.

What the hell. No ride lasts forever.

Now in the backseat of the Toyota, mor-
tician Skander gestures toward streets
sparkling with shattered glass. “Breaking
rules is what this is all about.”

“No!” Driver Nour fingers hair off her
face. “This is about making rules!”

Goat-stench Zied says, “After centu-
ries of dictators, we don’t know how to
do that.”

“All is written,” intones Ahmed. “The
tyrants crushing us have got to go.”

Old enough to be these rebels’
mother, Renee says, “Our Council must
help make this revolution work for love,
not hate.”

Travua mumbles, “I just want a job.”

Too many names. Too many faces. Can't
keep them straight.

Remember who you are.

Travua shakes his head at you being
crammed into the car he chose. “Gotta
admit this is cool. I mean, you're a leg-
end. You’re Condor.”

A code name. А face in your mirror.
Some him in a movie called your life.

“Ha!” snaps Renee.

Four days ago, she opened the door
to her mouse-hole office and saw him
standing there. Pounded his chest like
she was stabbing his heart. “You should
be dead!”

“Yes.”

Tears oceaned her blue eyes. “Why did
you do that to me? I believed in you!”

“Me too.” Condor shrugged.

“I help you rescue mountains from
communists, you give them to monsters
who turn girls into slaves. The Russians
slink away and so do you, you leave,
leave me!”

“I wasn’t all there and you were all
too much.”

She slapped him. “Twenty years I’ve
wanted to do that!”

“Then do it again.”

Renee blinked. Slapped him, slapped
him, hammered his ribs—crumpled.
Condor held her on her feet. Buried
his face in her silver-laced long black
hair that smelled of jasmine, the official
flower of this rebellion. Her flowers-
and-flesh musk filled his skull. Her eyes
fluttered, those full lips parted, and he
won that kiss.

Outside, 100,000 men and women
pack the city square. Helicopters whump-
whump above the crowd. Army soldiers
stare down black uniformed secret-police
thugs. Banners flap. Signs, some in Eng-
lish: DON’T BOMB US. DEMOCRACY LIKE USA.
FACEBOOK. LAPTOPS, YOUTUBE, GLOBAL ROCK
AND ROLL. Chants echo: “Lib-er-té! Lib-er-té!”

Renee pulls off his jacket. His shirt.
Pushes his pants down. Then hers. Their
trembling hands unbutton her blouse,
she shrugs it off, turns to offer him her
bra clasp—undone. His hands slide over
her woman-warm smooth back. Follow
the forward curve of her ribs. Fill with
thick flesh, feel her swellings. Oui! Tears
slick her cheeks, slick on her thighs. She
folds across the political-posters-cluttered
desk, raises her round hips to him and
yes he can he does yes then no, turning
her so her spine presses on slogan signs
as he says, “I want you to see me.” Her
legs scissor him yes and oui and yes.

Draped over her, panting, heart slow-
ing, Condor heard Renee say, “Lie here
with me for a moment before you tell me
what you really want.”

She said no.

“But you know who the infiltrator is,”
said Condor.

“We're all infiltrators. All voices must
be heard to make this movement work.”

“My target hates every voice except his
own. He——”

Renee snapped, “Why must a man be
who you fear?”

“Not my rules,” said Condor. “The bad
guys are too afraid of women to let them
do any more than work, weep and die.
Their name keeps changing but not who
they are. Now they call themselves ISIS.
And they'll steal your movement.”

"If no one can trust me, then you have
stolen me from the movement." She shook
her head. "Doesn't matter what we say.
What we do is our real politics. If I serve
you and not the movement...”

"You don't want them stealing this
show either. I understand being cautious
about helping us. No one will know."

"Except me. You. Your masters.
Тһе wind, the stars. If I betray what I
believe——"

“То keep it from being betrayed...."

"If everything is treachery, we've already
lost. I will at least keep my soul clean."

But she let him stay. Slept naked
beside him. Stuck to his legend: intro-
duced him to the rebels who came round
her office as the whistle-blower from
way back when, the notorious man in
the newspapers who opposed the CIA
in the name of truth—and so, he saw in
the eyes of those he met, was someone
they could use.

Now your eyes ride trapped in the
rearview mirror of a banana-stinking
Toyota rumbling through the sixth night
since national security sprang you from
its nuthouse.

This morning, this convulsing coun-
try's top general resigned rather than
order troops to shoot the protesters.
Cell phones and laptops played his
speech as you stood in the city square
surrounded by thousands of jubilant
rebels. The North African air shook as
if it were a fruit bowl held by a Godzilla-
size monkey laughing at you. You feel
yourself slipping.

Uh-oh.

Still, you convinced Renee and all five of
her group to ride with you to the drop site.
No one hangs back, becomes innocent.

You can do this. Maintain or at least
fake it. Finish the mission. Get out alive.

Thirty-seven minutes until Go or Gone
Forever.

“Are you sure crates of first-aid kits will
be in that building?” Nour steers the Toy-
ota around the blackened metal skeleton
of a burned-out car.

“All the right bribes were paid.” Don’t
say by who.

“How will we know who to bribe after
the revolution?” asks geek Travua.

"I'm not at all sure this is just a fossil!”

PLAYBOY

102

Zied leans forward. “The revolution
means no more bribes.”

“Things will be what they claim to be,”
says Skander.

Ahmed nods. “The law will be the law.”

Renee’s words agree with them, target
you: “No buying and selling of right and
wrong.”

“We will choose what's right and what's
wrong!” yells the college coed.

Answer her with words for Renee: “Free
to choose doesn't make choices free.”

Headlights blast the Toyota's windshield.

A pickup truck converted into an ambu-
lance races past, another mission in the
revolution's night.

Your mission.

Priority Option means “actualize” the
target from unknown to secretly photo-
graphed, videoed and recorded by your
next-generation CIA cell phone. Call his
phone so NSA web spinners can reveal
his links, follow his phone, turn it on
for their ears. Reconfigure him as an
unaware vessel for your not-so-crazy col-
leagues to use to penetrate an emerging
empire of terror.

Fallback Option puts the target's name
on the Authorized Kill List the moment
after he's, say, fallen from some roof.

Failure is everything else, even if Condor
gets out alive and back to the nuthouse.

Exfilt launches in 31 minutes. You still
don't know which rebel is your target.
Worse, day six is bleeding what's real from
what you see.

“Can't be Nour,” slips from your lips.

“No,” says mortician Skander as the car
swerves, “she’s really doing quite good.”

Skander tells the woman working the
steering wheel, “We're proud of you.”

Nour brakes. Turns to ask you, “This is
where, oui?”

A nine-story white-stone-and-black-glass
monolith pierces the night sky.

Your eyes are wide open. See yourself
answer, “Okay.”

Exfilt in 21 minutes.

Everyone climbs out of the Toyota.

“Look!” Zied points down the urban
canyon to the city square built by French
colonists who ruled here in the black-and-
white-TV days before the last revolution.
A pulsating rainbow fills the end of that
canyon from cell phones and laptops and
lanterns, from security spotlights brought
by the secret police on trucks bought before
the current regime's love affair with torture
turned off foreign-aid faucets.

Renee's swollen lips whisper, “That glow
never goes out.”

You hear yourself say, “Hope not.”

“Insha’Allah,” whispers Ahmed.

Renee's blue eyes press on you.

“Condor,” says Zied. “We love what Amer-
ica says it is, but why does your country do
such stupid things?”

“I don't know.” Is he the fanatic who
wants to blow up the Statue of Liberty, or is
he just like the 50-year-old white guy in an
Iowa City Starbucks who votes red-white-
and-blue conservative and says the same
thing? Shrug. “We're just people.”

Zied who smells of goats wrinkles his nose.
“Politics.”

“Politics is the how, not the why.”

“We must be better than that,” says geek
Travua.

“Insha'Allah,” intones Ahmed.

Is one of you two the CIA target?

Nineteen minutes until Exfilt.

Zied points. “What's in your jeans pocket?”

“Actually I never won a wet T-shirt contest. But I came first a few
times in a wet panties contest.”

Next thing you know, in your hand is
a gray metal spring-blade knife, and your
palm offers it to Zied.

Who takes it, shoves the gray sword into a
crack above the building’s door lock, wiggles
the thin blade 一 一

Зпар!

Geek Ттауца stares at Condor. “Do you
have any more lethal devices?”

“No. And now that doesn’t seem like such
a great idea.”

Nour frowns at the silver-haired Ameri-
can. “What's wrong with you?”

“We don't have enough time for that
answer.”

Ahmed says, “How are we going to getin
to get the first-aid kits?”

“Гуе got a key.”

“Why didn't you say so?” Skander grabs
the key.

Nour shakes her head. “Why did you
have a knife?”

Open your mouth and quote the woman
you wish you could love forever: “What we
do is our real politics.”

Renee's blink vibrates the air.

You've got 17 minutes.

Skander yells, “We're in!”

Flow with your crew into the hollow echo
that haunts modern structures.

“Waves of hallucinogenic perception
by the patient mark psychotic breaks with
diminished competencies in reality,” said a
shrink's memo in your file you hacked one
night from the rec room back at the CIA's
secret insane asylum.

Hell, if all you've got is reality, you're
already fucked.

Nour says, “Now what?”

Skander tells that coed, “You'll know
when it’s time.”

Shadows and substance in the build-
ing lobby swirl together. Renee stares at
Skander. “What did you mean back there
in the car?”

Far bigger than you, Skander whose
cheeks sport regularly shaved stubble says,
“What are you talking about?”

“When you said you were proud of
Nour's driving,” says Renee.

Skander shrugs. “She did a good job for
а woman.”

Renee's smile is a curved saber. “What
jobs are for a woman?”

"Don't be silly,” says Skander. “We have
more important things to decide now.”

“No!” yells Renee. “Now is about decid-
ing exactly that!”

Skander grimaces. “Everyone has a place
in our glory.”

Born during the Paris barricades of
1968, clubbed by the goons of power in
dozens of cities, alive every day Renee
raises her shoulders to the wind, the stars,
shouts, “And you claim the right to decide
everyone's place? Leave me the hell out of
your glory!”

Then she spits at Skander.

And as her disgust hits its target, you real-
ize that for Renee, helping Condor is the
lesser betrayal.

Skander lunges at her.

Grab him, whisper, “Forget it. We need
her. Come, back me up.”

“What?”

“The last bribe has to be paid after we
confirm we got the goods. My guy is in the
building and on the clock. If we don't pay
him, there's no pipeline.”

“You want me to meet your source? Back
you up because he's not trustworthy? Could
betray you—I mean betray us?” Wheels
turn in Skander’s brown eyes. “Of course
ГІ help you.”

Of course you will.

Whirl so you're looking at the others as
you say, “You all go check to be sure our
delivery is in the basement. Everyone give
me your cell phone numbers.”

Eyes on the five innocent rebels and
Renee—oh, Renee!—you miss the blur that
is Skander until he’s grabbed your right
hand, stopped it from reaching inside your
black leather jacket to the pocket over your
heart that holds the СТАз cell phone.

“T have all their numbers,” snaps Skan-
der, “Let's go.”

No way to defy him and not make it a big
deal, maybe blow your cover.

Lead him toward the bank of elevators,
push the button, fixate on the glowing
skyward arrow until the elevator's arrival
breaks you free.

Exfiltin 11 minutes.

Mirror steel elevator doors slide open and
release a blast of light.

Like a northern desert wind carries you
into the elevator cage. Spins you around
dizzy. The flat gray metal wall braces your
back as your stomach pulls reality’s breath
into your lungs. Skander's hands steady you.
You both pretend you don’t feel him pick-
pocket your CIA cell phone.

He stares. “Are you okay?”

"I am how I am."

Skander's eyes drill your bones. "You
need to push the right button."

"Don't we all."

A steel plate on the wall displays all the
levels this cage can take you to. You're
free to choose whatever button you're
shown. But they're labeled in languages
you never mastered. Run your finger to
the top of the list, can't remember what
the word is in the French written there
or those swooping Arabic symbols. Fuck
it. Push that button.

"We're going to the roof?" says Skander.

"Guess so."

Inertia from the rocketing-up cage sinks
you into your shoes.

Out of your mouth comes, "You could kill
me up there."

"What a crazy thing to say."

"Really."

There's a familiar bulge in Skander's shirt
pocket. The CIA phone. A grab away. Or
manipulate him into giving it to you. Trick
him into letting you photograph, video, call
him, compromise him.

Or use the roof.

Seven minutes to Exfilt.

Fight the feeling that the elevator's gray
steel walls are really water.

"I wonder," says Skander as the metal
cage carrying you two hums upward, "is this
how it feels to ascend to what you infidels
call heaven? Of course," he adds, "this could
also be how it feels to fall into damnation."

“Either way, life's about flying.”

“Мо. The end justifies the trip, not the
other way around."

“АҺ,” you say. "Justice."

The elevator doors slide open to the
night.

"After you," says the man whose eyes are
measuring your murder.

Step out onto the tarred roof.

As behind you, where he cannot see as
much of this realm in the sky and so log-
ically, strategically should wait to strike,
Skander says, "I wonder who's here for us."

“Maybe it just looks like we're alone” is
the worthless truth you say.

What it looks like is a long way down.

Nine stories up from the sidewalk and
this flat roof stretches out under a black
umbrella of sky shotgunned with stars.
The moon grows brighter with every
slamming beat of your heart. The hard
surface beneath your shoes is a rectan-
gular domain where strategically placed
industrial air-conditioning units loom
like hulking chess pieces. Out beyond
the edge of where you can stand and not
fall through the night, most of the build-
ings and neighborhoods show no lights
as citizens hope that hiding in dark-
ness will keep them safe. At this distance
it's impossible to tell if those huddled
masses are staring at screens streaming
data, images, sounds. Up here, you hear
the faint whump-whump of TV and police
helicopters hovering over the protest-
ers occupying the distant glowing city
square. Somewhere a siren whines away
into gone. Overhead, perhaps that's the
flapping of a bat. You breathe deep, the
air is cool, and you smell old tar, your
sweat and fear.

Тһе dark breeze is soft.

Not enough to blow a steady man off his
feet and over the edge.

Don't let Skander see you wobble with
whispers from the ghosts of who you loved,
who you fooled, who you killed, hold on as
you walk to the center of the roof.

А bear of a man walks up behind you.

"I don't see anyone who wanted us to
come up here," Skander says.

“Му whole life I've been told where to go
by people I can't see."

"And they call you Condor."

Turn. Face him.

Blinking red aviation warning lights on
the edges of the roof mark how far you can
run. Their scarlet hue helps the moon let
you see and be seen.

Skander says, "Do people believe you are
who you say you are?"

"Do you?"

He shakes his head of black hair shorn
too short for an easy grab.

Says yes. Then no.

"You are Condor, but you are not the
enemy of the CIA or America."

Behind him stand ghosts. They're
laughing.

This man you were supposed to unmask
says, "In fact, you are the CIA."

"Everybody's gotta be somebody."

He slides left, puts you between him and
the closest edge of the roof.

“Why don't we call the others and let
them decide who's who?" you ask.

Жж”

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PLAYBOY

“Democracy is a terrible system.”

“Works better than what you've got in
mind."

"Not if you are among the faithful," he says.

"Faithful to you. Everybody else is
fucked."

Shrug, stay loose, ready.

"Let's call the others, see what they think."

"Call?" Skander boxer-shuffles you
toward the edge of the roof. “Оп this?"

Your cell phone jiggles in his hand.

"This is fancy." He taunts you with it like
a playground bully. “Brand-new. Newer
than new, yes? Probably tells the CIA right
where it is—where you are."

Maybe he has trained in Afghanistan's
mountains, in secret camps in Iraq. Hell,
maybe he paid for Krav Maga lessons in
Berlin or Beirut. You sense skill in his
stance. He's bigger, younger, stronger, able
to do more these past few years than solo
tai chi and push-ups in a padded cell.

Тһе phone, that lifeline and mission actu-
alizer, that phone they gave you wiggles,
gripped in his left hand as he says, "You
will get the phone tossed to you, but not
yet. Not up here."

He backs you closer to the edge of the
roof.

"There is only one freedom for the likes
of you," says the man who would be a caliph

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may have the freedom to scream.”

You whirl and curl, yell, “Siri—flash
bang!”

The phone in the killer's hand, with its
souped-up battery not yet seen outside Sil-
icon Valley or secret corridors inside the
Beltway, that phone upgraded with software
that will go on sale in TV commercials to
your fellow Americans in a few months, that
phone hears your command.

White light flash blinds your killer.

The bang bloodies his hand, not fatal
(next year's upgrade), but he's blinking——

Snap-kick your right foot high and hard
into his groin. He jackknifes, exposes his
temples to your double palm-heel strikes,
drops like a stone.

Ninety seconds to Exfilt.

He's out, drag him to the edge of the roof
and the only other sanctioned option.

Ono:

Sanctions are for the sane.

Be sure he stays out: Kick him in the head.

Run down the ranks of the HVAC
machinery until you find the unit painted 9.

Slam your shoulder into that steel wall—
bam!—it clatters away. Grab what's cached
inside and get back to where the bad guy
lies moaning.

Pull off his pants.

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He's one of those guys who go commando.

Takes you 20 seconds to gear up.

Whump-whump-whump from a helicopter
chopping closer in the night.

He's too heavy for you to pick up.

Lie on top of half-naked him, wrap your
arms around him, roll over so he’s on top—
so you can tie his pants around the two of
you. Adieu, Renee.

Whump-whump.

A spotlight shines from heaven, reveals
your waving hand and the gear it holds.

A coiled rope drops like a black mamba
from the helicopter.

Lands on Skander’s back, shocks him
awake to see and feel you clicking the har-
ness you're wearing to the cable, and he gets
it, struggles, yells, “Yow're crazy!”

“Yeah.”

Whump-whump revs up.

"I'm not the only one after you!” he yells.

"You're who I caught. And if your pants
come loose, if you let go, you'll get your
reward of virgins. Or not. But no matter
what, here's the free you tossed me.”

The cable snaps tight—the big jerk,
whoosh.

Across that night sky comes a helicopter
cabled to screams,

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Continued from page 60

read an excerpt of Wise Guy when I was film-
ing 'Round Midnight in Paris,” says Winkler.
"I liked it and thought Hill's story was un-
expected and fascinating because he was an
outsider who became very much a part of
the Mob's fabric. I called Nick's agent and
learned that Marty was interested. Years
had passed since Marty and I'd worked
together on Raging Bull, but Nick's book
was a perfect match, because Marty had
grown up in that world." Winkler grabbed
the rights with a $150,000 option, plus a
$550,000 purchase price.

"Once Marty and I got working, we'd
break things down, with me at the type-
writer and him acting things out," says
Pileggi. "We'd listened to these characters
all our lives, so the dialogue came natural-
ly. And the voice of it all came off Hill's own
dialogue." Both Scorsese and Pileggi note
that music influenced how they wrote cer-
tain scenes. "We were writing a scene with
a long shot closing in on James Conway.
He stands at a bar smoking, trying to fig-
ure out whether he wants to kill Morrie,
who runs the wig shop. All of a sudden
Marty tells me to type ‘Cream.’ I had no
idea what he meant, but in the very first
draft, he was envisioning not only how he
was going to shoot the scene but that he
wanted Cream's 'Sunshine of Your Love'
in it. Marty has one of those cuckoo minds
and doesn't see movies linearly. He sees
and hears it all at the same time."

"That music has always been with me,"
says Scorsese. “I grew up with it. It's part
of my life, and it goes through my head al-
most every day. When we were writing the
script, the music dictated the action. With
the stories Henry told about his life, Nick
was able to put a picture together the way
a jazz musician improvises. And I knew I
wanted to make the movie with a structure
that was free-form, that seemed to break all
the rules of narrative cinema."

After more than a dozen script drafts,
the property emerged as one of 1986's
hottest. Warner Bros. stepped to the plate
to finance the film, but production delays
sidelined it. Scorsese instead grabbed Uni-
versal's offer to bankroll his long-deferred
dream project based on Nikos Kazantza-
kis's controversial novel The Last Tempta-
tion of Christ. (The director had optioned
the book in the late 1970s, but Paramount
pulled the plug on the $20 million film
adaptation.) Upon completing the biblical

epic for Universal on a shoestring budget,
Scorsese returned to Wise Guy.

Naturally, Hollywood's young, lean and
hungry found the Henry Hill role irresist-
ible. Tom Cruise, Sean Penn, Aidan Quinn
and Alec Baldwin were floated as possibili-
ties. Scorsese supposedly sought Manhunter
star William Petersen, but the actor is ru-
mored to have declined the audition. Enter
Ray Liotta, who'd made waves as Melanie
Griffith's volatile ex in Jonathan Demme's
1986 cult hit Something Wild. "I think I was
the first guy they saw to play Henry," says
Liotta. "That first time, Marty and I just
sat and talked. I didn't hear anything. The
next time I saw him was in September 1988
at the Venice Film Festival, where I was
with my father for a showing of a movie
I did called Dominick and Eugene. We were
standing at a railing in the Excelsior Hotel,
looking down into the lobby, when this big
group of people came in. It was Marty, sur-
rounded by bodyguards. He was at Venice
for The Last Temptation of Christ. There was
so much controversy and turmoil around
that film, it was incredible."

In protest of The Last Temptation of Christ,
religious groups threatened boycotts and
riots. In October 1988 Christian fundamen-
talists bombed the Saint Michel Theater in
Paris during a screening. “With all that stuff
going on, I didn't even know if Marty was
still casting Goodfellas," says Liotta. "But I
wanted to get my face in front of him again.
I went down to the lobby, saw a little open-
ing in the crowd and reached out to him.
Тһе bodyguard pushed me away, but I kept
saying, 'I just want to say hi to him.' From
what I understand, when Marty saw how
shyly I reacted to the bodyguard—instead
of saying ‘Get your fucking hands off me,’
which is not at all who I am—he knew I
would be right to play Henry Hill. Henry
wasn't aggressive. He watched, hung back
and let everyone else do their own thing."

“I thought Ray was terrific in Some-
thing Wild, and I had a feeling he would
understand the world I was trying to de-
pict," says Scorsese today. "Henry Hill is
our guide into the underworld, into hell.
Ray had a sense of guilelessness and in-
nocence and yet a real toughness that the
character needed. I always wanted him to
play Henry." Winkler wasn't as convinced.
“I kept telling Marty he should keep look-
ing for someone other than Ray," he says.
"A few bigger names were mentioned. Val
Kilmer actually sent a video of himself play-
ing Henry Hill."

Months later, while dining in Venice,
California, Liotta spotted Winkler sitting
with his wife across the room. He walked
over to their table and introduced himself.
“I know you don't want me for Goodfellas,
but I really, really want to do it," he said.
“We went outside and talked, and I liked
him in person," says Winkler. "He sold
himself well. I called Marty and said, 1
think you're right. Let's do it."

According to Liotta, the whole casting pro-
cess took about a year. “Т did so much home-
work before we started," he says. "Marty
advised me not to talk to Henry, so I spent
hours listening to audiotapes of him telling
incredible stories; all the while he's eating

potato chips and making obnoxious chewing
sounds—annoying, but that was Henry."

For the role of Karen Hill, Henry's ex-
plosive, pampered wife, Scorsese reportedly
mulled over contenders including Melanie
Griffith, Ellen Barkin and even Madonna.
In the end he rolled the dice with Lorraine
Bracco, a former fashion model who'd made
a mark in Ridley Scott's 1987 thriller Some-
one to Watch Over Me. Bracco was also in a
relationship at the time with Harvey Keitel,
a standout in Scorsese's Mean Streets and Taxi
Driver. "She has that personality. She had
complete immersion in the Italian American
world, with its openness, sense of humor
and great sense of truth," Scorsese says.

Liotta met Bracco for the first time at
Scorsese's apartment. "She struck me as a
force of nature who knows who she is and
isn't afraid to tell you in her loud, overly
New York accent," Liotta says. Bracco is on
record saying she found Liotta "really good-
looking and very sexy" when they met, add-
ing, “Ме all had a drink, talked about the
script and the book and blah, blah, blah.”

Тһе blah, blah, blah continued when
Scorsese relocated the celebration to Rao's,
an exclusive 100-plus-year-old Span-
ish Harlem restaurant where the deep-
pocketed clientele often included high
rollers from both show business and orga-
nized crime. "It was Lorraine, Marty, Nick
Pileggi, the casting director Ellen Lewis
and me," says Liotta. "You hear Rao's is
a place where certain types go to eat. We
were having dessert and coffee when these
half-assed wiseguys started coming up
to the table. Suddenly there's a big circle
around us, telling stories: ‘I knew a guy
who beat somebody up.’ ‘I knew a guy
who stole this or that' and so on." Recalls
Pileggi, "We put out the word to Mob guys
around town, saying, 'If you want to be in
the movie, come see us.' Marty must have
hired halfa dozen or so of these guys, some
of them right out of the joint."

Even Liotta was assigned a mentor.
"They gave me this fucking intense, huge
guy as a technical advisor. He was a cop be-
fore he and his partner started doing hits
for the Mob. He would open his car trunk
and show me pictures of these Mob hits—
decapitations, guys with eyes missing. One
time he took me to lunch somewhere in
the Bronx. I reached for my wallet, but it
wasn't there. 'Don't worry about it,' he says,
and he pays. We're walking back to the car,
and all of sudden, in the middle of New
York, there's my wallet. To this day, I swear
he picked my pocket."

To play the hot-wired Tommy DeVito,
based on real-life Lucchese family associ-
ate Tommy DeSimone, Scorsese hired Joe
Pesci, who'd earned a best supporting actor
Oscar nomination for Raging Bull. Frank
Vincent was cast as Billy Batts, though he
originally pursued another role. "I told
Marty I wanted to play Paul Cicero. When
Marty said I'd be better off playing Billy
Batts, I said, ‘Fine, Marty, whatever you
want.' He's a god; he knows," says Vincent.

The role of Paul Cicero eventually went to
Paul Sorvino. “I wanted to work with Marty
so much, I went in dressed like a gangster,"
says Sorvino. "Usually when I read a script,

105

PLAYBOY

106

I know how to play it 10 pages in. I didn't
know how to do this one, so I went in, faked
it and got the job. The last few days before
production, I called my manager and said,
“Get те out of this. Гуе bamboozled the
world's greatest director and I’m going to
make a fool of him and myself.’ The role
called for a lethality Га never expressed
before. One night, I looked in a mirror to
straighten my tie and was so frightened by
the look I saw on my face, I jumped. What
is that? I thought. Oh, that’s the character. It
was like a form of inhabitation.”

Scorsese rounded out the cast with up-
and-comers Illeana Douglas, Debi Mazar,
Samuel L. Jackson and Michael Imperioli
alongside character types Vincent Pastore,
Tony Sirico, Chuck Low, Tony Lip, Frank
Adonis and others, many of whom later
turned up on The Sopranos. To play the
young Henry Hill, Scorsese tapped
12-year-old Christopher Serrone, a Queens
resident and model.

Given that lineup, it’s not surprising the
studio refused to green-light the movie
until the filmmakers got a big-name star
to play Jimmy Conway. A showpiece sup-
porting role if there ever was one, the char-
acter is based on real-life Lucchese family
intimate James Burke, architect of the 1978
jewel heist at JFK airport and, later, the as-
sassination of his cohorts in that crime. Al
Pacino got the offer first, but the Godfather
star feared typecasting. John Malkovich
also passed, as did, reportedly, Jon Voight.

“One day Marty said, ‘I think we got Bob
De Niro for Jimmy," remembers Pileggi.
“Га known him when he was a young,
hustling actor in the early 1970s and I was
writing about the Mob for New York maga-
zine. Га have coffee with him at Dunkin’
Donuts and he kept trying to convince me
to meet, it turns out, Marty Scorsese when
they were working on Mean Streets. 1 didn't
want to go chasing after actors, so I never

took him up on it. Twenty years pass and
T'm in Marty's apartment working on Good-
fellas. Bob walks in the door and says, ‘Do
you remember me?’ Who the hell in the
world is going to forget him? I said, ‘Yes,
you're Robert De Niro. I remember you."
He turns to Marty and says, ‘I was telling
you about this guy years ago.’ Marty says,
“Well, better late than never.”

According to Winkler, De Niro’s involve-
ment placated the studio. “They were fine
after that,” he says.

After two weeks of rehearsals, Scorsese
called action on Monday, May 1, 1989.
Almost immediately, the томе title was
changed to avoid confusion with both
the CBS TV series Wiseguy and Brian De
Palma’s 1986 bomb, Wise Guys. Although
production commenced with an unusually
tight script, Scorsese used his and Pileggi’s
work as а launching pad. “Marty first works
with the actors, improvising and para-
phrasing around the words,” says Sorvino.
“That's how Marty, me, Bobby and Ray ran
through a scene. When we finished, Marty
would say, ‘Very good.’ I said to myself,
‘This is the great Martin Scorsese? That
was no good. My God, we're in for a bad
night.’ After 40 minutes, with Marty di-
recting our improvisations, the soufflé had
risen beautifully. I realized Га better shut
up. I was in the presence of Beethoven and
Shakespeare. When he gets what he wants,
you end up with a potpourri of script and
improvisation, all under the tutelage of a
great maestro. Forty percent of the movie
is actually improvised.”

The notoriously reticent De Niro has
admitted that Scorsese’s willingness to im-
provise is fundamental to their relation-
ship’s dynamic. “We're best friends when
we work together,” he has said. “Marty and
I have a special way of communicating.
He’s very open. If you work with certain
directors, all of a sudden you start closing

<o chan!

“Be gentle, Willard. It's my first time...in the front seat...of an
SUV...on 78th Street...at night....”

down. You think whatever idea you come
up with is not going to get a good response.
With Marty, it’s the opposite. The more
you come up with, the more enthusiastic he
gets. That’s what makes it a joyous experi-
ence, as opposed to a job.”

Scorsese agrees. “Trust was the key ele-
ment in our collaboration,” he says. “Also,
Bob spent time in my neighborhood when
I was growing up. He was with a different
group, but we knew the same people and
had the same experiences.”

Both longtime and first-time Scorsese
collaborators noted the director’s obses-
sion with nailing the production’s period
details—what the director described as
“memories of an eight-year-old kid; memo-
ries of how they looked, dressed, talked and
moved.” Scorsese was scrupulous about ev-
ery detail on set, down to collar lengths and
necktie knots. “Marty tied my tie every day,”
says Liotta. “It had to be done in a certain
way. It’s the most exhilarating thing to be
around people who are that committed. You
learn quickly that he gets whatever he wants
to make his movie the way he envisions it.”
Scorsese even escorted De Niro and Pesci to
an Italian tailor, who fitted them with au-
thentic suits made from expensive imported
fabric. When De Niro's character required
vintage watches, a Madison Avenue vintage
timepiece dealer closed his shop to allow the
actor privacy while making his selections. To
match Liotta’s eye color exactly, the young
Serrone wore $12,000 hand-painted Ital-
ian contact lenses. When Pesci needed pin-
kie rings, antiques dealers were lined up to
supply the baubles. When De Niro wanted
his pocket to bulge with а gangster-style roll
of $5,000 in real greenbacks, a production
aide handled the demand daily. “Marty
wants his actors to feel like they're in a real
situation where everything is authentic,”
says Pileggi. “When you see someone in the
movie eating Italian food, Marty's mom and
dad probably cooked it."

Bracco took a similarly dramatic stand
for her character—and herself. Early in
production, just as Scorsese was about
to film a tense bedroom scene between
Bracco and Liotta in a Queens apartment,
the actress suddenly refused to work. She
had noticed the set was dressed with fake
jewelry instead of the real thing, and she
was not happy. Her reasoning—that her
character was "the princess, and princesses
have real stuff "—threw the company for a
loop. "No one took her aside and told her
to cut the crap," says Kristi Zea, the pro-
duction designer. "I went to the assistant
director, then to Marty, who was desperate
to get going. They said, 'Get some fucking
jewels.' After spending half an hour run-
ning up and down Queens Boulevard, hit-
ting every jewelry store and putting $5,000
on my American Express card, I came back
with bags of jewelry and spread it on top of
the dresser. I was seething."

Fireworks ignited again during the film-
ing of that scene, in which Bracco's char-
acter, enraged, confronts her philander-
ing husband by straddling him in bed and
pointing a gun at his face. "On one take,
Ray pulled her and threw her to the floor,"
recalls Ballhaus. "Lorraine started crying

and sobbing. It was emotional for us all. I
think Ray did something they hadn't re-
hearsed, and Lorraine felt it deeply, both as
her character and as a person.”

Scorsese’s cast members were not always
as tight and collegial as they appear on film.
Though “Young Henry” Serrone remem-
bers being “taken under everyone’s wing,”
especially De Niro's, Liotta sometimes felt
excluded. “The relationship between Bob
and me was nonexistent,” he says. “I thought
of him and Pesci as my big brothers, so after
rehearsal I'd ask, “You want to go get some-
thing to eat?’ And it was like, “No.” It was a
great education for someone just starting
out, though.” Admittedly, Liotta faced big
challenges at the time, not only as a young
actor potentially on the brink of major star-
dom but also in his personal life. “My moth-
er was sick with cancer, and 1 was working
when they called and told me she died,” says
Liotta. “I got emotional. Marty came to my
trailer and calmed me down, saying, “Let's
go finish this.’ I finished the scene, went
home for the funeral and was back to work
on Monday. Having work to focus on was the
best thing that could have happened.”

Things got heated during the filming
of a scene on Long Island where Henry
Hill brutally pistol-whips a neighbor who
has harassed his fiancée. Mark Evan Jacobs
plays the character on the receiving end
of Hill's beatdown. “Ray and 1 were foes,”
Jacobs says, “and Scorsese kept him riled
up on the other side of the street, telling
him the things my character had been do-
ing to Karen. Ray was having a hard time
in his personal life and was boiling with
rage. We tried to keep the anger in control,
but it's hard to control someone in that
state. Marty kept going take after take. On
one take, Ray got a little too close and 1 got
hit. On a few takes, Scorsese grimaced like
he was in pain and kind of laughing sadisti-
cally, like, ‘Oh boy, this is going to be good.’
That was a tense day for everybody—
especially for the guy who owned that vin-
tage Corvette they used. He kept warning
us not to damage his car. I wasn't even sure
the scene was any good until І saw it with
the sound and cutting. It was brutal.”

Many mention Scorsese schooling them
in the finer points of how to deal with—and
learn from—the Mob-related extras who
gravitated to the set. “When we were about
to shoot something, Marty would bring over
these real Mafia guys and ask, ‘Is this the
right way of doing it?” says Ballhaus. “They
would always say, ‘No, it was much worse.’
I listened to discussions about whether
there was enough brain matter and blood.
‘Should we add more brain to it?’ That was
too much for me. Га go home and vomit.”

Goodfellas collaborators also tell tales
of grueling 18-hour shooting schedules,
sometimes with as many as three different
location setups per day. One of the most
intricate setups was for the showstopper in
Manhattan’s legendary Copacabana night-
club. The scene, a date night for Henry and
Karen, boasts a ballsy three-minute Steadi-
cam tracking shot choreographed to the
Crystals’ 1963 hit “Then He Kissed Me.”
The sequence sweeps the audience along
with the characters as they cross the street to

the Copa, descend a flight of stairs, slip into
the club’s back entrance, navigate a maze
of corridors, dodge workers in the kitchen
and finally enter the club, where waiters set
them up at a VIP table. “The whole idea
was that the audience would be swept along
by Henry into his world so that you would
understand why Karen was so flabbergasted
by this guy,” says Ballhaus. “The choreog-
raphy was so complicated, we had to make
physical adjustments, like building a dark
alley for Ray and Lorraine to walk through.
For the sake of the movement, we had to
change the entrance, so what you see іп the
film is not the real Copacabana entrance.
We literally took away the walls while the
camera was in motion.” Zea, the production
designer, describes it as “madness,” saying
“carpenters dressed in black grabbed the
walls and ran away with them.”

For added authenticity, Scorsese heli-
coptered veteran nightclub comic Henny
Youngman to the set from his gig in Atlantic
City. “Henny was supposed to come out on
stage and say his signature line, “Take my
wife, please,’ which he must have said thou-
sands of times in his career,” says Ballhaus.
“On the eighth take—the one we thought
was the best take, of course—he forgot it.
He was so old it didn’t seem to disturb him
much, but he didn’t know how complicated
that shot was for all of us.” Complicated
and something of an inside joke too. In the
1987 crime epic The Untouchables, Brian
De Palma wows audiences with a long
tracking shot by cinematographer Stephen
H. Burum. Scorsese told crew members he
thought it would be funny to do the Copa
scene one minute longer.

Joe Pesci contributed what many cite
as the single most memorable moment in
the movie: the unhinged, funny and terri-
fying riff that begins with “You think I’m
funny?” Filmed at the now-defunct Hawaii
Kai Restaurant on Broadway at 50th Street,
the scene was a product of improvisation.
“We were sitting around talking, with
Marty listening to every word, when Joe
told a story about someone saying to him,
"You're a funny guy, ” Liotta says. “Marty
said, ‘Great. Put that in.’ We improv’d and
improv’d it, and Marty set it in stone. The
tension breaker was supposed to be when I
say ‘Get the fuck outta here, Tommy,’ but
we let the moment linger just to see what
might happen. I don’t know why, but I said,
‘You really are a funny guy!’ and Joe went
for the gun. We made that up right on the
spot.” Winkler, the producer, was on set
that day alongside studio executives. “Even
listening to it, I was frightened,” he says.

Maintaining the film's tightrope walk of
big laughs punctuated by unnerving vio-
lence and authentic street language would
later demand that the moviemakers take a
stand against pressure from the studio and
the censors. “We counted the fucks, and
there were 285. Every second word from Joe
Pesci was fuck,” says Ballhaus. “And the vio-
lence? Well, that was also very hard to take. I
thought it was a great story and 1 like Marty
so much, but honestly, the more І got into it,
the more afraid the project made me.”

Scorsese and company wrapped
production in December 1989 with high

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PLAYBOY

108

artistic and box-office expectations.
Armed with a completed film, the mov-
iemakers braved that fateful May 1990
sneak preview in Orange County only to
receive blistering blowback. Although a
second screening was held, it didn’t go
much better than the first. According to
Thelma Schoonmaker, Scorsese's long-
time film editor, the director was not
happy. “Whenever Marty gets upset, it’s
about his artistic freedom, and rightfully
so,” Schoonmaker has said. Pileggi credits
Warner Bros. chairman Daly for arguing
with the ratings board and “trying to show
that Marty wasn't glorifying the violence
but was against it.” Although Daly has
acknowledged even he found the movie
“tough in a few spots,” in the end Scorsese
cut only 10 frames of blood to duck an X
rating and win the film an R.

Still, the calamitous sneak previews and
ratings skirmish eroded confidence. In-
stead of Goodfellas opening in 2,000 the-
aters as the studio had planned, the num-
ber was cut to 1,070. “Those theaters went
to Dances With Wolves, and the industry and

awards momentum shifted to that movie
instead,” Pileggi says.

Nonetheless, the Goodfellas East Coast
premiere at New York's Museum of Mod-
ern Art drew such celebrities as Madonna,
Christopher Reeve, Chevy Chase and
Brooke Shields. Henry Hill also attended.
The audience response was bullish. “At
first I thought it was a terribly violent, bad
movie that shouldn’t have been made,”
says Sorvino. “I thought I was boring in it.
Everyone around me said, Are you nuts?”
About three hours later, 1 came to my
senses. It was almost as ІҒІ was so stunned,
I couldn't judge that it was up there with
earth shifters like On the Waterfront and
Casablanca.” The critics weighed in, largely
with raves. In the Chicago Sun-Times, Roger
Ebert declared it a better film about orga-
nized crime than The Godfather.

Unlike the unsuspecting preview audi-
ences, paying audiences were fully pre-
pared. “It was a difficult movie to sell,
because it played like a comedy, but it wasn't
a comedy,” says Scorsese. “What do you tell
them they're coming to see? By the time we

“Is that my sex therapist, dear?”

opened, the word had got around, and peo-
ple were prepared for it.” That is, people
were prepared for a funny, explosive and
violent wild ride. Scorsese received the Sil-
ver Lion for best direction at the Venice In-
ternational Film Festival. When Oscar nom-
inations were announced, Goodfellas was in
the running for best picture, director, edit-
ing, adapted screenplay, supporting actor
and supporting actress. In the end, though,
only Pesci went home with a gold statue.

“If Marty were to make Goodfellas in 2015,
he would win best director. There would be
no question,” says Pileggi. “In those days, it
was all about Dances With Wolves and Kevin
Costner, who did a terrific job when Hol-
lywood was still happy for a cowboy movie
to be a big success. In 10 years it would
have been different for Marty. Years from
now, when the Wall Street thing begins
crunching out and you wind up with more
convictions, his Wolf of Wall Street will be
much more accepted. The guy Leonardo
DiCaprio plays is Henry Hill with a pencil.”

Pileggi, Scorsese, De Niro and Pesci re-
united for the 1995 crime film Casino, but
25 years on, Goodfellas prevails as the gold
standard for every subsequent gangster film
and TV series. Many critics believe the film
is Scorsese's best to date. Pileggi is currently
scripting what he hopes will be his and the
director's third feature film together.

And what of Henry Hill, with whom the
whole saga began? Liotta encountered Hill
several times over the years. “When Henry
was still a wanted guy in witness protection,
I got a call to meet him and his brother ata
bowling alley in Studio City, California,” he
says. “They were the only two men sitting
with their backs to the wall. The brother
was scary-looking—the real fucking deal—
but turned out to be a great guy. 1 went
over timidly, and Henry said, '1 saw the
movie. Thanks for not making me look like
a scumbag.’ I didn't say what I was think-
ing, which was ‘You fucking ratted on your
friends. Of course you're a scumbag.’ Га
run into him over the years, and he was al-
ways whacked-out, looking like he'd been
doing something all night. He was a sweet,
nice guy who had a lot of trouble in his life.”

Pileggi also had encounters with Hill.
“As long as there was a telephone nearby,
Henry would hustle, plot, be on the make
and sell books and artwork on his website,”
he says. “He liked talking to my wife and
would tell her stories. One day, my wife
decided to do a script about someone in
the Witness Protection Program. It turned
into My Blue Heaven starring Steve Martin.
Henry saw it and said, “That's my story. You
got Goodfellas and My Blue Heaven out of
me.’ The favorite movie of real guys in wit-
ness protection isn’t Goodfellas; it's My Blue
Heaven. Henry loved being famous. He
loved that attention.”

That said, Hill probably wouldn't have
liked the unspectacular, undramatic cir-
cumstances of his death on June 12, 2012,
one day after his 69th birthday. He died
in a hospital. His heart gave out from too
much smoking and Italian food. Is that any
way for a goodfella to check out?

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PLAYBOY

BILL MAHER

Continued from page 44

they weren't inviting me. I wasn't the
guy in the Grotto. I never had sex in the
Playboy Mansion. I wasn't hanging out
with Bill Cosby with his little vial of go-to-
sleep juice. [laughs]

PLAYBOY: Did the Cosby scandal catch you
by surprise, or had you heard rumors on
the stand-up circuit?

MAHER: I was not shocked. In the early to
mid-1980s I did a movie—that was during
my acting era. There was an attractive young
black actress in the movie who told me she
had just come off a film with Mr. Cosby, and
she said, “He tried to fuck me the first two
weeks, and when it became clear it wouldn't
happen he made every day thereafter a liv-
ing hell.” 1 had no reason to doubt it. We
had no relationship; she was just telling me.
And that always stuck in my mind. Since this
shit has come to light, you talk to people
who have had dealings with Bill Cosby, and
it comes out not that he drugged some girl
but that he did some super fucked-up shit.
He's a crazy fucker, is what he is. What is it,
30 women accusing him now? He could turn
out to be the biggest serial rapist in history.
Also, I never thought he was funny.
PLAYBOY: Who is funny to you?

MAHER: I love Jerry Seinfeld's show Come-
dians in Cars Getting Coffee. Leave it to Sein-
feld to deconstruct the talk show and do
шіп a way we haven't seen before. 1 did
my first episode this spring. There's lots of
other good stuff. Veep is very funny. Mindy
Kaling. Everything Key and Peele say is so
spot-on. They're the funniest laugh-out-
loud comedians out there right now.
PLAYBOY: You continue to perform stand-up
in towns around America. But why do a gig
in, say, Macon, Georgia, when you could be
kicking back on a beach somewhere?

MAHER: It’s a strange obsession, but there's
nothing more fun than owning a room
and making people laugh, if that’s in your
DNA. I feel like I’m redeeming myself for
all the years I did stand-up and didn’t en-
joy it, because it was terrible at first.

It's also my civic duty as a liberal. I tend
to go to red states, and it gets liberals es-
pecially hyped up to find me there. They
look around and see 3,000 people and say,
"I'm not alone. I thought I was the only
one.” Then again, in some places in the
South, you wouldn’t even know it was the
South. I was afraid to go to Alabama and
Mississippi for a while, but have you seen
Birmingham? They have Thai food and
Pottery Barn and fancy coffee now.
PLAYBOY: Those sound like gateway drugs
to legalized same-sex marriage.

MAHER: [Laughs] Same-sex marriage has

110 been sweeping across the land very quickly,

that’s for sure. What is it—37 states right
now? I think the Republicans will be
thrilled when the Supreme Court takes
that off their plates. America has moved
past the point that it cares anymore. Amer-
ica progresses. That's not to say we don't
have holdouts. Christians still talk about
gay marriage as if it puts their marriages
in danger. The gays are the enemy. Things
are changing, whether these pious, self-
righteous Christians like it or not.

PLAYBOY: The church is changing too, though
you’ve given the pope mixed reviews.
MAHER: Pope Frank has done a lot. He’s
been a breath of fresh air on a lot of issues,
and he’s been an old-school asshole on a
bunch of them too. He's a good politician.
Every time he comes out with something
progressive, he'll come out with something
completely backward. Like he just came
out strongly in favor of exorcism to keep
his base happy. He’s like, “You know what,
I'll throw them some red meat. It doesn't
hurt anybody. ГИ just say I'm for exor-
cism.” Oh, come on! You're this sophisti-
cated Argentinean. You know damn well
the devil isn’t inside there. Do you really
believe that shit, Frank?

PLAYBOY: You must be thrilled about the
changing marijuana laws here in the U.S.
Did you think we'd actually be legalizing
pot across the country?

MAHER: [Laughs] I've been on the front
lines of that fight for a long time. It’s amaz-
ing how things have shifted. People used to
say, "Aren't you worried you'll be arrested
for saying you're going to smoke after the
show?” They were honestly living in fear
for me. And now the idea that you could be
arrested. In Los Angeles! It’s de facto legal
in California.

PLAYBOY: How has the quality of weed
improved?

MAHER: When you've been smoking pot
for 40 years, none of it works great. I don't
smoke that much—just enough to make me
high. But it must be getting better, because
once in a while I'll smoke with some newbie
and they'll be bouncing off the walls, saying
how amaaaaaazing the pot is.

Тће pot experience is improving some-
what. I now get pot with a card, which is
better than the old way, when you had to
make conversation with your dirtbag drug
dealer, but still sort of ridiculous in a free
society. Now I can get it if I go to a “doctor”
and get a "prescription" that says I have a
"disease." But this is really just "don't ask,
don't tell” for pot. It creates a culture of
dishonesty and gives a bad name to people
like me who genuinely suffer from what-
ever it is I told them I had. [laughs]
PLAYBOY: Who's your favorite guest?
MAHER: Oh, I never answer that question,
but okay. Salman Rushdie. I feel he is the
epitome of what my show was supposed to
be about from the beginning. He's a witty
public intellectual. Unafraid, he's great on
every topic. He's the perfect mix of intel-
ligence and witty repartee. It's a shame we
don't have more people in America like
that. Again, I suppose people are spending
too much time on Instagram and porn.
PLAYBOY: Speaking of porn, any opinion
on what it means that every pubescent kid

with his mother's phone now has access to
a limitless video library of outrageous sex?
MAHER: I know. It must be strange and a
little confusing to be a teenager now. My in-
troduction to sexuality was PLAYBOY and the
magazines I would spirit away when I was
babysitting. When I was 12 to 14, the dad
at the house would have a stack of PLAYBOYS,
and we would steal them and bury them in
the woods, dig them up later and look at
them. We liked to look at boobies. Was that
such a terrible thing? And by the way, as we
got older, we'd read about the issues of the
day. It's amazing to me. Even at this point
you sometimes have to defend Hugh Hefner
to people who think he's a pornographer. I
go, "Really? Have you seen the magazine?"
He's been on the forefront of so many issues
and really stuck his neck out on feminism,
civil rights, free speech, gay rights.

"Today, the stuff kids have access to is
fucking unbelievable. The idea that you
can sit in the backseat on the way to school
with an iPhone and watch six Japanese
businessmen coming on the face of a girl
who has a squid up her vagina—I mean,
Jesus! These kids must be so jaded. We
should be afraid. What does it do to rela-
tionships, how you relate to a girl? That
doesn't mean I wouldn't have watched that
stuff if it was around when I was a kid.
PLAYBOY: When did you first know you
were a comedian?

MAHER: I remember making my relatives
laugh at a Christmas party when I was six
or seven by doing an impression of Tommy
Smothers from the Smothers Brothers. By
high school I was already years into plot-
ting to be a comedian. After taping Johnny
Carson's "Tea Time" movie sketches with
my little Wollensak tape recorder, I would
transcribe them word for word. I still have
them, in pencil on loose-leaf paper. Later,
I lifted material from Johnny when I em-
ceed something called "The Pop Show" as
a senior, my first hosting experience—and
the last the school would see of "The Pop
Show,” since many parents were upset with
some of the jokes. I did not, at 17, realize
Carson's late-night humor was inappropri-
ate for introducing teenage girls whose
parents were in the audience. I remem-
ber doing the lines "She's going to do the
Dance of the Virgins—which she performs
from memory" and "She squeezed a lemon
into a man's drink with her knees."
PLAYBOY: That's talent. Now she'd probably
do something with a selfie stick.

MAHER: I’m all for selfies or whatever will
get people to stop asking for pictures with
me. My life got a lot better when I learned
to politely say no to that. It always seems
like it should take just a few seconds, and
it never does. I like to look people in the
eye, say, "Sorry, no pictures, but how about
a handshake and let's live in the moment."
I've almost never had anyone who was too
disappointed by that and many who were
happy to be reminded that there's such a
thing as the present.

PLAYBOY: You've done very well for your-
self. Do you overspend on anything?
MAHER: Not really. I don't have any expen-
sive hobbies. I don't collect cars or motor-
cycles. The last big thing I bought was a

piece of the Mets. That didn't come cheap,
but I think it’s the best investment in the
world. Nothing goes up like sports teams.
They never go down. Every time they sell
a team, the sellers come with a number
and the buyers pay more. They sold the
Dodgers for more than $2 billion. If the
Dodgers are worth $2 billion, I can’t imag-
ine what the Mets are worth. The Yankees
are worth at least $5 billion, and George
Steinbrenner bought the team in 1973 for
$10 million. I read in the paper about the
Mets being for sale, and I jumped on it.
I'm not sure why more people didn't do it.
[laughs] And when the Mets make it to the
World Series this coming season, of course
ГІ have box seats for that.

PLAYBOY: You're also on the board of Peo-
ple for the Ethical Treatment of Animals,
but you still eat meat.

MAHER: True, but I don't eat a lot of meat,
and I don't have to be in lockstep with ev-
erything PETA says. PETA stands for the
ethical treatment of animals, and I believe
in that. Trust me, I eat only chickens that
have died after a long illness after resting
comfortably at Cedars-Sinai. [laughs] I'm
actually concerned about what people put
into their bodies. Doctors never ask what
we eat. The top prescription drugs are di-
gestive aids to put out the fire in our gut.
One reason we have such an insanely high
national health care bill is we make our-
selves sick by eating shit.

PLAYBOY: You've said the same thing about
vaccines. Now that measles is making a
comeback, are you changing your anti-
vaccine stance?

MAHER: I’ve never argued that vaccines
don’t work. I just don’t think you need
them. There are so many maladies now
that used to be rare and now are much
more prevalent—things like allergies, ADD,
asthma, migraines, autoimmune disorders,
chronic fatigue, colitis, more colds. I'm not
saying vaccines cause any of them, but the
modern immune system might be less ro-
bust than it used to be because it doesn't
get its full workout going through a disease
like the measles. And that combined with
environmental factors—pollution and pes-
ticides and eating tons of sugar and crap
and God knows what else in the modern
world—might be something to look into.
We compartmentalize and study pieces
sometimes but not the whole. I’m glad vac-
cines exist, just like I’m glad antibiotics ex-
ist, but we've abused the hell out of them.
Bugs that no antibiotic works on anymore?
I worry about that a lot more.

PLAYBOY: What if you’re wrong? What if
terrible, preventable diseases spread be-
cause people reject rational science and
choose not to immunize their kids?
MAHER: I'm a rationalist too, and I’m ratio-
nal about the fact that science doesn’t always
add up. They now recommend about 70
shots, plus flu shots, by the age of 18—triple
what it was in 1983. Is any number okay?
Many vaccines are given simultaneously,
sometimes as many as 10 shots per visit,
and studies have yet to evaluate such simul-
taneous shots. Also, a large long-term study
comparing the long-term health outcomes
of vaccinated and unvaccinated groups of

people has never been done. Plus, they're
often ineffective. This last flu shot was only
23 percent effective. So then it’s bullshit. It’s
a moneymaking scam for big pharma.
PLAYBOY: What would shock us about
you if the North Koreans hacked into
your computer?

MAHER: Nothing. First of all, they wouldn't
find any incriminating e-mails. I’ve al-
ways been paranoid about that. Don’t put
anything in an e-mail that you don’t want
everybody to see. But I also have several
computers: one that I write on, one I send
e-mail on. I would never write anything
private on something that’s plugged into
the real world. Plus, I keep the important
stuff in fireproof cabinets—very top of the
line. It’s where I store everything: years of
jokes and writing, letters, my old baseball
card collection, my Beatles wig, the Ger-
man bayonet my mother brought home
from World War П that I wanted so badly
and she gave me when I was 13.

PLAYBOY: You've never been married,
never had kids. Do you ever wish there
were a little Billy Maher around?

MAHER: No. One of the great things about
being my age is that fatherhood is off the

table. Oh, you can do it, but 1 don't think
it’s morally right. You won't be around. Or
if you are around, do you really want to be
at the kid's high school graduation when
you're 80? You also have to feel it. You have
to be able to trade your life for your kids.
Anything short of that is selfish and a disser-
vice to the child. Ifyou don't want to do that,
don't make the child suffer with а half-there,
half-assed parent, which is what I'd be. I like
my life. I don’t want to trade it for anything.
PLAYBOY: You've said you don't believe in
heaven or hell, but do you have any quick
ideas for your tombstone?

MAHER: Yeah. “What Was That All About?”
[laughs] I certainly don’t want to be buried.
Burn me, cremate me. I don’t want to be
worm food or get eaten by maggots. But
more than that, I don’t want to fucking
die. I want Ray Kurzweil to come up with
the singularity in the next 20 or 30 years
before I go so I can keep going. I don’t un-
derstand these people who say they don’t
want to live forever. I don’t want to go!
Being dead does not sound like that much
fun, and right now I'm having а great time.

‘And to think—my wife doesn’t even do the fox-trot.”

lll

PLAYBOY

THE MAGIC LITTLE BLUE PILL

Continued from page 48

He explained that he’d used himself as
a guinea pig, injecting his member with
17 different drugs in hopes of inducing
ап егесіоп. Many ofthe drugs failed, but
phenoxybenzamine, a muscle relaxant,
worked wonders. And he had proof.

“He’d gone to the men’s room and in-
jected himself before his talk,” recalls Dr.
Irwin Goldstein, who was there that night.

“Now he stepped away from the po-
dium,” says Dr. Ira Sharlip, another
prominent urologist in attendance, “to
give us a view of the large bulge in his
Jogging pants.”

“At first he seemed frustrated that peo-
ple weren't listening. They weren't get-
ting the point that he'd used a relaxant,”
Goldstein says. “And maybe they thought
he had ап implant. So he said, ‘Oh hell,’
and dropped his pants,” giving the urolo-
gists and their wives a view of his long,
thin penis, naked and fully erect.

Brindley announced, “I'd like to give
the audience an opportunity to confirm
the tumescence.” The conventioneers
weren't expecting this. He wanted them
to confirm the tumescence by hand. Ac-
cording to Dr. Laurence Klotz's account,
“The sense of drama was palpable. With
his pants at his knees, he waddled down
the stairs, approaching, to their horror,
the urologists and their partners in the
front row. As he approached them, erec-
tion waggling before him, four or five of
the women in the front rows threw their
arms in the air and screamed loudly.
Тһе screams seemed to shock Professor
Brindley, who rapidly pulled up his trou-
sers, returned to the podium and termi-
nated the lecture. The crowd dispersed
in a state of flabbergasted disarray."

“That nightin Las Vegas," says Goldstein,
"modern sexual medicine began."

Brindley's drug worked by sending a mes-
sage to the arteries in his groin: Relax.
Blood flowed through widening arter-
ies, inflating the erection chambers in his
penis to money-shot hardness. Unfortu-
nately, the effect had nothing to do with
arousal. Phenoxybenzamine triggered a
robo-erection: automatic, uncontrollable
and likely to wear off before you got a
chance to use it. (It also caused tumors
in lab rats.) Still, it was better than giant
ants. For the next 15 years, the standard

112 treatment for erectile dysfunction, or ED

(still known as impotence at the time),
would be injection with muscle relaxants
along with a technique called medicated
urethral system for erections, or MUSE.
То MUSE yourself, you used a miniature
plunger to poke a medicated pellet an inch
into your urethra, then waited for it to dis-
solve and produce an erection. Although
thousands of men with ED tried injections
and MUSE, most people had never heard
of either technique. Sexually capable men
hoping for a pill to enhance their sex
lives—to make a good thing better—were
known as science-fiction fans.

Until UK92480 came to Sandwich.

Sandwich is a windswept ancient town
in the county of Kent on the English
Channel. It has played host to two major
inventions, both having to do with injec-
tions of beef. It was here that John Mon-
tagu, fourth Earl of Sandwich, played
marathon card games in the 1700s. The
earl hated to skip a hand to eat lunch, so
he had his servants place a chunk of roast
beef between slices of bread, a delicacy
that soon took his name.

Two centuries later, Dr. Ian Oster-
loh drove past stone buildings Montagu
would have recognized. Osterloh, a bald-
ing medical researcher, parked at a mas-
sive steel-and-glass complex on the out-
skirts of town. He passed through security
on his way to a laboratory blazoned with
the blue pill-shaped logo of Pfizer Inc.,
the pharmaceutical multinational. It had
been a shitty year for Pfizer's research
lab in Sandwich. The company had spent
thousands of man-hours and millions of
pounds testing UK92480, a promising
blood-pressure drug. (UK is for "United
Kingdom," site of the lab, where it was
the 92,480th substance tested.) But like
most experimental drugs, it flopped. Test
subjects groaned about muscle aches.
Тһеіг blood pressure fell too far. The
drug was headed for the dustbin until
1992, when several of the test subjects—
mostly policemen, firemen and students
in their 20s—mentioned a side effect.
"Doc, I'm getting erections," they'd say.
“Very firm erections."

As Osterloh wrote, "None of us at
Pfizer thought much of this effect," which
arose two or three days after a dose.
"Even if it did work, who would want to
take a drug on Wednesday to get an erec-
tion on Saturday?" Still, they had little to
lose. Reading urology papers, they found
hints about biochemical pathways that
led to erection. Like Brindley's phenoxy-
benzamine, UK92480 was a muscle relax-
ant. Why not see where this path led?

To test the drug's effects, Pfizer re-
searcher Chris Wayman filled a set of test
tubes with penile tissue from volunteers.
He gave each tube a jolt of electric cur-
rent. Nothing happened. He tried an ar-
ray of chemicals. Still nothing. Then Way-
man added a drop of UK92480, chemical
name sildenafil citrate. The disembodied
tissue in the test tubes reacted like the
corpse callosum in the Rolling Stones
song "Start Me Up” (“You make a dead
man come"), swelling before his eyes. As
he recalls with British understatement

in a BBC documentary, "We were onto
something." In fact they had stumbled
onto a substance that could change the
future while making Pfizer richer than
ever—if they could keep it a secret.

"We had to be careful of how much
we said, and how loudly," says Dr. Peter
Ellis, another of the drug's developers.
"If you're in a pub or public restaurant,
you don't shout that you're working on
a revolutionary drug." Clinical tests in
1993 and 1994 proved that UK92480
worked in pill form. "After that," Ellis
says, "Pfizer made a major disclosure
at the 1994 AUA convention. They shut
the door behind the urologists and said,
‘Guys, we've something to tell you.”

Three and a half years later, the FDA
approved the first effective aphrodisiac.
By then it was called Viagra, a name sug-
gesting vitality and vigor delivered with
the thunder of Niagara. But it would
have sold if they’d called it cyanide. If
you liked sex, this was the drug for you.

“Sexual medicine was ready for a nuclear
bomb,” says Goldstein, “and Viagra was it.”

Few bombs ever landed at a better
moment. Within months of approving
Viagra, the FDA also okayed the first
direct-to-consumer TV commercials,
advising “Ask your doctor,” spurring
millions of men to do just that. Before
1998 doctors had served as a buffer be-
tween big pharma and a drug-hungry
public. Now it was pretty much drugs
on demand. Pfizer's commercials star-
ring Senator Bob Dole, who had lost
the 1996 presidential election to Monica
Lewinsky's favorite candidate, and Texas
Rangers slugger Rafael Palmeiro, not yet
tainted by his other favorite performance
enhancer, steroids, helped destigmatize
impotence. Educated consumers called it
ED instead, and Viagra's capital У con-
noted virility. Within months of its debut,
Viagra was the best-known drug since
penicillin. It became one of the top news
stories of 1998, along with the Lewinsky-
Clinton affair, the euro, the Unabomber
and Clinton’s impeachment. Lifestyle
magazines began wooing advertisers with
charts and graphs like the one headlined
GOLF MAGAZINE IS #1 AMONG MEN WITH
ERECTILE DYSFUNCTION.

Satisfied customers also used chat
rooms to spread the V word. You may re-
member some of the jokes, which ranged
from predictable (“Did you hear about
the first Viagra death by overdose? A guy
took 10 and his girlfriend died. Smiling”)
to predictable (“Doctor, can I get it over
the counter?” “You have to take two to do
that”) to pretty good (“What happens to a
lawyer who takes Viagra? He gets taller”).

Before long, Viagra was the web’s top
topic, and not just on internet giants
Netscape and AOL but at brand-new
Google.com, where you could find a new
sort of testimonial:

“I was hearing of guys younger than me
in their 20s and 30s using ‘Vitamin V’ so I
decided that I needed that same edge. I have
found that Viagra makes me a super stud and
the girl rides me and always has an orgasm or
two.”—Pablo, 42, Texas

“Before the pill I could usually stay hard
for 15 minutes. Unfortunately it usually takes
my wife longer than that to have an orgasm.
After taking Viagra, 1 have full control of my
penis and І am free to blow my load when 1
want!” —age 28, Vancouver

Thanks largely to Viagra, Pfizer's profits
jumped 38 percent, to $628 million, in
the second quarter of 1998. From there,
sales of Viagra rose and kept rising,
reaching an annual $1 billion in 1999
and $2 billion in 2012.

Just as crucial were the drug's effects
on pop culture. One user's account be-
came a Salon.com sensation in 1999. In
his “Diary оҒа Viagra Fiend,” Jayson Gal-
laway told of ordering a pack of the “blue
diamonds” online. Not because he needed
firepower, exactly. “I’m a virile, healthy
29-year-old American male,” wrote Gal-
laway, a leather-clad San Franciscan with
dreadlocks spilling from the top of his
partly shaved head. “Sure, there’s been
a time or two when, for reasons ranging
from disinterest to methamphetamine,
little Tyson wasn’t ready when the bell
rang. Okay, yeah, so I recently acquired
a 19-year-old girlfriend and maybe I’ve
been feeling a tad insecure about not
being capable of the erectile heroics I
was capable of at 16.” Online Viagra re-
stored him. Soon his girlfriend, whom
he called Lolita, doffed her Hello Kitty
panties and beheld “the Erection of the
Gods.” Gallaway then started to enhance
the festivities by crushing a blue pill and
snorting the powder. “Viagra burns like
nothing I've ever snorted. With the in-
side of my head on fire, I curse myself for
being an idiot. But guess what? Two min-
utes later: Hi-yo Silver...I’m the Bone
Ranger, and for the next 16 minutes, a
physical congress occurs that is indeed
the stuff of legend.”

Gallaway’s comedy of eros climaxed
with a cell phone call to his girl and a
Viagra-plus-ecstasy sexstasy marathon
that led to “felonious noise complaints”
and a ceiling fan that broke under the
weight of a naked Lolita whirling over
their bed. This was not Senator Dole’s
Viagra. “The details of that evening are
so carnal, so profane, so unspeakably dec-
adent, that I can’t think about them with-
out becoming aroused,” Gallaway wrote.
“Of course, these days, now that I am
eating Viagra pills like they are M&Ms,
there is not much I can do without be-
coming aroused. As a matter of fact, I am
actually typing this with my penis.”

He was one of countless young men
who believed Viagra wasn’t just for ED.
It was the food of the gods, the stuff men
had hoped for since Adam's first blind
date. But Pfizer wasn't about to market
it that way. Admitting that Viagra might
have recreational uses could invite fiends
like Gallaway to sue if they came up with
a problematic four-hour erection or if
the pills failed and cost them their self-
esteem. To sidestep such trouble, the
manufacturer made it clear in the fine
print that Viagra wasn't for fun; it was

serious medicine for a clinically recog-
nized dysfunction. In this way the blue
pill joined Vicodin (for pain), OxyContin
(for more pain) and Adderall (for finals)
in the pantheon of medicines whose clin-
ical uses kept them in play for off-label
appreciation. The difference between
Viagra and some of the others was that,
with exceedingly few exceptions, Viagra
didn't hurt anybody. Watch the ads,
consult your doctor (or an online quiz
or friends with prescriptions), pop the
pill, and everybody's happy. Pfizer was
legally protected, and Lolita was riding
the ceiling fan.

Beyond making vigorous sex possible
for men with ED, Viagra fueled innumera-
ble Gallaway-style sexathlons. With about
40 million Viagra users worldwide—most
with prescriptions but many more knock-
ing back mail-order, black-market or
counterfeit pills—there's little doubt that
men who should never have tried the
stuff have been killed through off-label
use. “There must be instances of guys’
hearts just exploding during sex,” Galla-
way says. “But I suspect Pfizer would not
want that known.”

Pfizer does what companies worth
$200 billion do. It maximizes profits.
Gallaway, meanwhile, did what brand-
building bloggers do. After his Salon.com
piece went viral, he says, “I was sud-
denly the face of Viagra.” And not only
the face. Lolita wanted more. So did
hundreds of readers who e-mailed him,
asking for sex tips. “I heard from a lot
of men in the Middle East, asking me to
procure Viagra or women for them,” he
says. Gallaway wound up discussing his
boners on ABC’s 20/20, describing erec-
tions “that could also be used for home
defense.” He wrote a Viagra Fiend book
dedicated “To my penis, without which
none of this would have been possible.”
And as you’d expect, ће met women
eager to meet the dedicatee, “women
who wouldn't take no for an answer.”
He sent a few to ceiling-fan heights, but
he sometimes felt like a piece of meat.
Later, after a stint as a cage dancer in a
San Francisco bondage club, he told his
doctor he was feeling down despite his
high-rise erections.

"I'm going to prescribe an antidepres-
sant. It has side effects,” the doctor said.
“You might lose some sexual function, so
ГИ also give you a scrip for- >

The patient was way ahead of him.
“Viagra!”

"It's very effective.”

“You don't have to tell me. I literally
wrote the book.”

Gallaway's book was optioned by
Seann William Scott, who was set to play
the hero in a Viagra Fiend movie. But
Scott opted out to star in The Dukes of
Hazzard. Lolita of the Hello Kitty pant-
ies got engaged to another guy. Gallaway
lost his dreads, turned 35 and then 40
and acquired the edgy wisdom he blogs
about at JaysonGallaway.com. “That
Salon.com story was the first thing I ever
wrote,” he says. “I got $75 for it. It made
me a worldwide expert on Viagra for a

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114

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year or two, got me a movie deal and
then pffft.... Tm still waiting to hear from
Seann William Scott.”

Gallaway wasn't the only one to capitalize.
Sex and the City and dozens of other TV
shows featured Viagra story lines. HBO’s
Big Love suggested in 2006 that Utah po-
lygamists could use a little help in the hay.
That same year, after TSA agents at Palm
Beach International Airport found a stash
of contraband Viagra in Rush Limbaugh’s
luggage, forcing a hapless public to pic-
ture Limbaugh’s righteous erections, the
trail veered back toward polygamists. In
a 2008 story, The Washington Post told of a
CIA tactic unofficially dubbed Boners for
Warlords. The Post reporter set the scene:
“The Afghan chieftain looked older than
his 60-odd years, and his bearded face
bore the creases of a man burdened with
duties as tribal patriarch and husband to
four younger women. His visitor, a CIA of-
ficer, reached into his bag for a small gift.
Four blue pills. Viagra.... Compliments
of Uncle Sam.” American spies had spent
decades bribing warlords with weapons,
cash and first-world medicine, but guns
could rust, run out of bullets or fall into
enemy hands. Cash could get too flash-
ily blingy. “You give an asset $1,000, he'll
buy the shiniest junk he can find, and it
will be apparent that he has come into a
lot of money from someone," a CIA man
told the Post. "Even if he doesn't get killed,
he becomes ineffective as an informant
because everyone knows where he got it."
Better to bribe the warlord with some-
thing more private. The aging chieftain
in the Post story had four wives, the most
allowed by the Koran. He had public and
private duties. The CIA's gift, four tabs of
Viagra, renewed what one operative called
his "authoritative position" in his house-
hold. Four days later the chieftain “came
up to us, beaming. After that we could do
whatever we wanted in his area."

A trainer for a Bolivian pro soccer team,
reasoning that his strikers could use a
blood-uptake boost before playing Peru
at high altitude, crushed Viagra tabs and
slipped them into the team's fruit drinks.
The Bolivians went on a winning streak. А
scientist studying jet lag found that Viagra
might help cure it—at least in hamsters.
He hopes to test humans soon, since they
take more international flights than ham-
sters. Meanwhile, Chinese zoologists have
tried feeding Viagra to captive tigers that
have shown no interest in breeding. Thus
does the arc of history bend forward, with
humans finally giving tiger penises a boost
instead of grinding and eating them.

In 2010 Michael Douglas raved about
his sex life with Catherine Zeta-Jones.
"God bless her that she likes older guys,"
said Douglas. "Some wonderful enhance-
ments have happened in the last few
years—Viagra, Cialis—that can make
us all feel younger." Cialis and Levitra,
introduced in 2003, and faster-acting
Stendra, which came out three years
ago, dented Viagra's market share but
not its pop-cultural dominance. In 2012

Chicago Bears wide receiver Brandon
Marshall named Viagra the NFLs latest
performance enhancer, putting tacklers
on notice that low blows might put their
eyes out. By then men were consuming
more than 45 tons of Viagra every year.
The drug had spent more than a decade
as one of Google's most-searched terms,
with hundreds of millions of searches,
thousands upon thousands of raves and
still more rips that amounted to raves:

“Viagra seems to work too well. After one
pill, 1 instantly become erect, increasing over
nine inches in mere seconds. 1 also receive
incredible stamina. Once in a Walmart, my
shorts completely snapped, leaving everyone to
stare at my massive 20-inch wang.”

Pfizer's marketers, monitoring the web
with an eye toward possible legal action,
gave that one a pass. If your critics gripe
about aisle-spanning erections, you're
ahead of the game.

At every turn, the pharma-uro establish-
ment dodged the issue of recreational use.
This stance made sense for Pfizer, Eli Lilly
and the makers of other ED meds. It's еаз-
ier to popularize a medicine that treats a
dysfunction than promote a stimulant that
might be abused by horny straight guys as
well as gays, porn actors and others who
don't fit the graying-golfer image in ED
commercials. But why should urologists
oppose penile recreation?

“ГІ tell you why,” says Goldstein, one
of the field’s leading figures. “The whole
idea that there are all these normal rec-
reational users out there—it's a myth.”
Pointing out that the penile artery in the
pelvis is subject to no end of insults and
injuries, from bike seats and punting ac-
cidents to YouTube crotch kicks and skate-
board wipeouts, he wonders how many
guys haven't endured a few ball-busting
impacts. “Such a blow can cause a lasting
problem—damage that narrows that ar-
tery. After that, the erection's not what it
used to be, but if you're young, you think
it can't be ED because you're only 25. You
take a pill, get a better erection and call it
recreational. But here’s the thing: If you
let me study all the so-called recreational
users, Га show you that the vast major-
ity have some degree of erectile dysfunc-
tion.” As for hard-partying men who pop a
Viagra or three to offset alcohol and drugs,
he says, “Is that recreational? Cocaine,
ecstasy, methamphetamine—these drugs
impair erectile function. That's not recre-
ational; it’s repairing self-inflicted ED.”

Urologist Sharlip has another concern.
“Many so-called recreational users buy
generic Viagra online. They may not know
what they’re getting. It could be fake,
it could be contaminated. It could hurt
you.” While mentioning a Viagra virtue
that sounds recreational—the drug can cut
a man’s refractory period in half, allow-
ing him to get it up again in 10 minutes
instead of the typical 20—Sharlip insists
that online “Viagra” may be hazardous to
your health. “You may want to be a sexual
superman. You may want to save a little
money while you're at it. But do you know

what you’re getting? Is it really Viagra? Is
it dangerous? Who knows?”

Matt Bassiur knows. A former federal
prosecutor and ex-security chief for
Apple, he now chases Viagra counterfeit-
ers for Pfizer. Phony Viagra is a booming
business, a worldwide multibillion-dollar
industry backed by the yakuza in Japan,
Mexican narcoterrorists, the Russian
mob, what's left of the American Mafia
and other opportunistic crooks in ev-
ery corner of the world. “Some websites
selling Viagra don’t sell anything. They
just take your info and steal your iden-
tity,” Bassiur says. “Some sell gray-market
product that's near its expiration date,
or past it. Others sell counterfeit Viagra
laced with stuff you wouldn't believe.”
Four years ago Bassiur and his team set
up a sting operation. They bought so-
called Viagra from 22 online pharmacies,
then tested the pills that came in the mail.
“Eighty percent of them weren’t Viagra,”
hesays. “Some contained rat poison. Some
contained antibiotics. We also found anti-
freeze, road paint and printer ink—blue
ink, of course.” He has a gallery of scary
photos: pictures of rat- and bug-infested
third-world hellholes. “Would you take a
pill that came from that filth?” he asks.
According to Bassiur, anyone who does is
playing Russian roulette with his penis.

Even so, there are very few verified
deaths due to counterfeit Viagra. There
were several in Singapore in 2008, when
bogus blue pills sickened hundreds of
men, put dozens in comas and killed four,
but that's it. Not a bad record for a chemi-
cal that has been used, overused, begged,
borrowed, stolen, passed around at par-
ties and combined with every other drug
you can name for 16 years and counting.
Which doesn't mean the wrong kind of
Viagra can't hurt or even kill a man.

Take herbal supplements, for example.
No, don't—the “male enhancement” tab-
lets sold online or in convenience stores ос-
casionally work like the real thing because
they are the real thing. “But those products
are totally unregulated,” says Bassiur. “Yes,
some of them work. They work because
they contain the same sildenafil citrate you
get in Viagra. But you have no idea what
you're taking. You might not get enough
sildenafil or too much.” Too much can be
lethal for men with low blood pressure
or other risk factors—men whose doctors
would never prescribe Viagra for them.
Medical sleuths agree with Gallaway: It's
possible hundreds if not thousands of men
have died with healthy hard-ons they got
from off-label or unlabeled sildenafil.

To foil the makers of fake or danger-
ous knockoffs, the National Association of
Boards of Pharmacy came up with a seal
of approval for legitimate online phar-
macies: the VIPPS (Verified Internet
Pharmacy Practice Sites) seal. Counter-
feiters promptly forged the seal. Today,
the best way to make sure you're getting
the true blue pill is to buy directly from
Pfizer at Viagra.com, a new joint venture
with CVS pharmacies. Direct online sales
are one way Pfizer hopes to bolster prof-
its before its patent on Viagra expires in

2020. When Pfizer’s patent on the cho-
lesterol drug Lipitor, once the top-selling
medicine in the world, expired in 2011,
Lipitor sales fell from $5 billion one year
to $932,000 the next. To avoid another
tumble, Pfizer struck a deal with Teva
Pharmaceuticals, an Israeli company
that will pay royalties to Pfizer to make a
generic Viagra. Pfizer also sells a version
of Viagra in Mexico: a chewable tab. Can
Gummi Viagra be far behind?

“What's next?” asks Gallaway. “Penises
want to know.”

Each generation tends to think its inven-
tions are the last word in invention, but the
road to the future is littered with Edsels,
typewriters, VCRs and dried-up bits of
jerky that turn out, on close inspection,
to be tiger penises. Seventeen years ago
Viagra was the atom bomb of sexual heal-
ing, a blue diamond so potent and profit-
able it made the Hope diamond look like a
charcoal briquette. Gummi Viagra may be
next, but it probably won’t be the last penis
helper of the early 21st century. Gallaway,

*We're just
scratching the
surface" of
erectile liftoff,
says one
urologist.

for one, expects to see a pill that can give
a man a more lasting relationship than the
ones he's had with the blue pill, the Cialis
"weekender" or any combination of the
drugs on offer today.

"For one thing, drugs get expensive.
With Viagra, we're talking about a $30
erection," he says. "If you're on a tradi-
tional date or just dealing with human fe-
male moods, you can't afford to waste it.
You're telling her, 'No, honey, we have to
do it now. I'm invested here!" Now in his
40s, the former Viagra fiend is looking
for a longer-lasting chemical romance.
"I'm looking for a cheaper, controlled-
release sort of product—you take one
every day and you're covered."

Sharlip agrees. "We may see a lon-
ger duration. One pill a week and you
might be ready for a spontaneous sexual
opportunity."

Urologist Goldstein takes a still longer
view. "We're just scratching the surface" of
erectile liftoff, he says. "Thirty-two years
ago, when Brindley dropped his pants in
Las Vegas, we were still guessing about
how erections happen. Now, 16 years into

the Viagra era, the future is growing expo-
nentially." Goldstein, the field's most origi-
nal thinker since Brindley, has been work-
ing on a topical sildenafil: You and/or your
partner rub it on your penis, and boom,
you get a bamming boner without muscle
aches or the strange blue-tinted vision that
afflicts some Viagra users. Goldstein has
also pioneered a treatment known as the
tissue genesis cell isolation system, which
combines liposuction and erectile injec-
tion. He takes fat cells from a patient, iso-
lates stem cells and shoots them into the
patient's penis. "It's pretty cool," he says.
"Ifit works, it could be more than the latest
treatment for ED. It could be a cure."

Not satisfied with treating and possibly
curing ED, Goldstein recently tried a novel
Nip/Tuck approach to premature ejacula-
tion. "Botox," he says. "Just as Botox dead-
ens the muscles that cause facial wrinkles, it
can relax the ejaculatory muscle," he says.
Тһе ejaculatory muscle is a quarter-inch
strip of meat between the scrotum and
the anus. It spasms when you climax. Men
who climax too soon sometimes shoot their
loads half a minute into foreplay. An injec-
tion of Botox in the ejaculatory muscle can
help them last longer. All Goldstein has to
do is find out how to deliver the drug with-
out sneaking into his patients' bedrooms
while they're having sex. "Timed-release
Botox? That might be next."

Unless next is the long-sought "female
Viagra," the consummation of an era of
sex research that began with Freud, stum-
bled toward modernity with Masters and
Johnson, the pill and the sexual revolu-
tion of the 1960s, and found chemical
fruition with Viagra. "But Viagra isn't the
last word," Goldstein says. "Did you know
that the FDA has now approved 26 drugs
for male sexual dysfunction and zero for
female sexual dysfunction? Why is that?
I think it's gender bias. Billions of dol-
lars have been spent on drugs that might
help women who lack desire, aren't orgas-
mic or can't have sex without pain, but
the FDA turns them down. It approved a
medication for Peyronie's disease, which
causes scarring and curvature of the
penis. That drug carries a risk of penile
fracture that requires emergency surgery.
But the FDA called that an acceptable risk
and approved it."

According to Goldstein, the future of
sexual medicine features less sexual bias.
And more sex. "It takes two to have sex,"
he says. "Female sexuality is the next
frontier." (See So Where's the Little Pink
Pill?, page 48.) In 10 years, men enjoying
a weeklong or monthlong dose of next-
generation Viagra may meet women tak-
ing the first effective female aphrodisiac,
with results that could spell trouble for the
ceiling-fan industry.

"Sexually, the future looks better than
ever," he says. "And it all began at the Las
Vegas Hilton, where Brindley proved that
muscle relaxants were the answer, in the
boldest possible way. Monday, April 18,
1983—that's the moment that started the
real sexual revolution."

PLAYBOY

116

JOSH HARTNETT

Continued from page 86

PLAYBOY: Back РЕ. 7 were being hyped
as the guy, did you or anyone close to
you question whether you were rebelling
against mainstream Hollywood just for the
sake of rebelling?

HARTNETT: That's very much ingrained in
me still. The point of it was not to accept
social norms at face value. If I was going
to be a living, breathing, cognizant human
being, I always felt I should have lots of
questions about my place and follow that
thread. We all have those questions, but
sometimes we feel unable to ask them or
feel restricted in the questions we do ask. I
never felt that pressure, luckily. The thing
that scares me the most these days, though,
is whether that has become too much of a
habit for me. When someone says go left,
I have to go right. I'm not actually accom-
plishing anything by doing that. That terri-
fies me, and I try to keep an eye on it.

PLAYBOY: What happens when you head off
in wrong directions?

HARTNETT: You can run down the wrong
paths for a very long time and without
guidance. A friend of mine who was going
through a similar thing started meditat-
ing. At first I was like, "Why do you need
a mantra?" But it has worked wonders for
him. He's just clearer. In the middle of the
hubbub, being at the center of the busi-
ness, I didn't have that time. I wasn't able
to create that space for myself.

OKAY TO TRY ТО
ANALYZE YOUR
PROBLEMS IM GOING
4| TO SHOW YOU SOME
ABSTRACT PICTURES.

PLAYBOY: One theory about you is that you
turned down work because you had no
deep-seated desire to be rich. True?
HARTNETT: Гуе had the viewpoint “You
don’t need money to survive. We can all
just help each other out.” That's something
ingrained in our family. My younger broth-
er worked pretty much pro bono for along
time and just relied on trading stuff he
needed with his Amish neighbors to make
life bearable. He quit and now has more
of what we’d call а normal path. I thought
there was something to that notion,
though, especially for actors and creative
people. If we could just help one another
and express ourselves, we’d all be happy.
But then I think, Oh shit, there are bills to
be paid, and Га have to get a car that's safe
for my kid. 1 don't have a kid yet, but that's
the idea coming into my head these days.

PLAYBOY: You once called fame “а blunt
tool thrust into my hands when I was very
young.” Did you wield that tool mostly on
others or on yourself?

HARTNETT: Fame can be a dangerous thing.
It can destroy you. I used to put myself in
positions where I spoke up when I probably
should have been listening. When you're
young and have convictions, and fame sud-
denly gives you a microphone, you think,
I'm going to tell everybody how it is. In 2004
І was running around stumping for John
Kerry for president. І was supposed to give
a speech in Iowa, and I hadn't really done
any research on Iowa. I spoke to a classroom
full of kids who were raised by Republican
parents, and I tried to explain why I was
voting for Kerry. The kids’ questions were
very in tune with a side of life I just hadn't
considered. It made me feel provincial and
small that I hadn't considered thoroughly
the other take in America. I had to take a
step back from doing that to figure out, Do I
actually know what I'm talking about?

Q10
PLAYBOY: For years your name has been
linked romantically with a number of beau-
tiful actresses, such as Amanda Seyfried,
and others with whom you've made films,

UMM... ДА...
My NEIGHBOR'S

QUILTING

CIRCLE

such as Scarlett Johansson. For several
years now you've reportedly been deeply
involved with Tamsin Egerton, with whom
you co-star in an as-yet unreleased time-
travel movie, The Lovers. Overall, how has
dating co-stars worked out for you?

HARTNETT: I think it’s a respectable way of
going about it. I’ve met very important peo-
ple in my life doing films. Sometimes that
had consequences that were just awful for
everybody involved. Some were fantastic
all the way through. Everybody makes mis-
takes dating people they work with. They're
whom I’m attracted to because I share ex-
periences with them and understand a bit
about what they are and what they do. If I
were able to go back in time, I don’t know
if I could have done anything any different.

PLAYBOY: Movies ы made іп the past
decade—Resurrecting the Champ, 30 Days of
Night, I Come With the Rain—have flown under
the radar, but you’ve remained a paparazzi
magnet. In 2007 the press and the internet
carried rumors that you’d gotten a blow job
from at least one of two women in the men's
room of a Lower East Side New York bar.
HARTNETT: If something comes up that's
completely false, laughable or humiliating,
I try not to spend апу time on it. There
are times when things come out and you
just wish your mom didn't read the pa-
pers. Or you hope the people who know
you best know better than to believe it.
It’s not to say I've been a saint, you know.
But all that matters, I hope, is that that
stuff doesn’t have any real effect on or dire
consequences in my personal life with the
people I love and care about.

012

PLAYBOY: You recently finished making the
Western Wild Horses with James Franco.
Did you and Franco compare notes on us-
ing social media to play with the public’s
perception of you?

HARTNETT: No, because he’s in the midst
of doing something with his fame—there's
something still percolating there and I’m
curious to see what the result is. Honestly, I
don't even know if I'd care to do that. It's just
so time-consuming, and I don't know what

THIS 1S TOO
EASY. OBVIOUSLY
YOURE OBSESSED

WITH SEX!

you get back. Making that movie was great,
though. Robert Duvall wrote, directed and
stars in it. We were up in the mountains in
Utah, riding horses. I play Duvall's middle
son, whom he just kind of passed over, and
James plays the youngest son he loved so
much, who turns out to be gay and to whom
he did a lot of psychological damage. It’s the
story of the youngest son’s return and the fa-
ther coming to terms with the end of his life.

PLAYBOY: Speaking of fathers and sons,
your father was a musician who played gigs
with Al Green.

HARTNETT: It was only a couple of times, but
yeah. He played music all his life, but in the
hubris of youth he thought he was going
to be something. He was like, “Yeah, this
guy Al Green's coming to town and we're
playing with him a few times. Who cares?”
Later on, though, he was like, “Holy shit.”

014

PLAYBOY: You have strong co-stars оп Penny
Dreadful, including Eva Green, Timothy
Dalton, Billie Piper and Rory Kinnear, and
the show is conceived and written by play-
wright John Logan, screenwriter of Skyfall
and Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet
Street. Is there any fly in that ointment?
HARTNETT: TV’s a new process for me. I
probably should have guessed this, but
the speed of shooting a two-hour film in
five weeks is breakneck. When you finish,
there's no wrap party, no high-fiving. We
did four of those two-hour films back-to-
back last year, and this season it's five. And
we film in Dublin.

015

PLAYBOY: Not the worst location.
HARTNETT: A good city to walk around
in. We generally work in the mornings,
though, and it's cold there, and they don't
believe in central heating. The cold in Dub-
lin is a different category of cold than I was
used to growing up in Minnesota. When
you’re cold in Dublin, you’re cold inside
too, so it’s mostly finish work, go home and
stoke the fire—which is kind of cool, actu-
ally. I'm generalizing, but the Irish have ап
underlying melancholy yet are very resil-
ient, happy, jolly people.

016

PLAYBOY: Тһе show features demons,
ghouls and tormented characters such as
the Ripper, Dorian Gray and Dr. Victor
Frankenstein and his monstrous creation.
It’s set in Victorian London circa 1891, and
percolates with sexual stuff. Does playing
a haunted character who shape-shifts into
a werewolf make you consider what lycan-
thropic sex might be like?

HARTNETT: I’ve thought of Ethan as a person
with the same number and types of senses as
I have, so his transformation into a werewolf
is only a kind of fugue state. My thoughts on
how he feels about sexuality, love and loss are
more about him as a person than as a shape-
shifter or an “other” kind of being. On the
first episode of the show last season, we find
him on a day when he very well could have
killed himself. He’s woken up many times

with blood on his hands. He thinks of himself
as some kind of evil anomaly and is terrified
of that. He covers it by seeming to be classi-
cally addicted to everything, to states of ex-
ultation. He’s haunted by his secrets. We all
have those. A question that comes into play
in this new season is whether we even need
to be ashamed of those secrets. He opens up
this season and becomes less blunt. There’s
more sexual nuance this season. There’s also
more levity and fun. There’s hope in Ethan
for the first time.

017
PLAYBOY: How would Josh Hartnett have
survived in the real 19th century London?
HARTNETT: The options for a guy like me
would have been much more limited back
then. I wonder what I would have done for
а living, or if Га have gone to school, be-
cause there are so many questions of class
when you talk about Victorian London. I
don’t know if Josh Hartnett would have
been born into an aristocratic family, but if
he hadn't, life would have been very short
and filled with a lot of hard physical work.

018

PLAYBOY: What has most surprised you
about doing Penny Dreadful?

HARTNETT: John Logan being so very cool
in allowing us to have a conversation about
where the show might be going. He's writ-
ing season three right now. Ме'уе con-
tinually stayed on top of what is attractive
and not attractive to me about the things
he's come up with. One of the things that
really interested me about playing this role
was what it would be like to be part of an

organic process as an actor, as opposed to
just having it all cut-and-dried. Another
thing is finding out how what we do affects
people. That's so alien to us while we're in
the process of doing it.

PLAYBOY: You РЕК. learned that the
show has a wide range of fans?

HARTNETT: Yeah, we're stumbling through
sometimes, feeling good about it— just do-
ing it. I didn't know whether people would
respond to the show, but it seems as though
they are. And then suddenly Patti Smith
came out to Dublin and watched us film for a
day. It turns out she really likes the show and
may even write some songs for it. Incredible.

PLAYBOY: So, to people who still want to ask
that old question, "Whatever happened to
Josh Hartnett?" what would you say?
HARTNETT: I'm curious to see what people
want of me in this business, if anything.
I'm very happy with my personal life—
we're just kicking the can down the road,
trying to make some sense of it. I'm very
open these days about what I used to feel
and what I used to take away from the busi-
ness when I was young and kind of in the
center of it all. I'm still trying to do simi-
lar kinds of things. Last year my favorite
films were Birdman and Frank. Fellini's 8%
is my favorite film. If at some point I can
get away with doing something remotely as
cool as those or anything Federico Fellini
ever touched, I'll be very happy.

“T love it when you have the hiccups!"

117

PLAYBOY

118

BARELY LEGAL

Continued from page 82

or Coachella and attend nudie events
such as Bodyfest and Nudestock or run а
naked 5K in Florida. If they need some-
thing more challenging, this June nudies
can attend the second annual Mud, Sweat
and Boobs, a clothing-optional 5K obsta-
cle course in Burlington, Wisconsin that
promises to be part Tough Mudder, part
nudist resort. Proceeds benefit breast- and
testicular-cancer charities.

But getting naked isn't as easy as it
sounds. Laws vary drastically from state to
state and involve a jumble of terms and
definitions that occasionally fail to differ-
entiate between illicit lewd behavior and
something as benign as nude sunbathing.
For example, since 1992 it has been legal
in New York for women to go topless in
public, while in Alabama a woman could
be found guilty of indecent exposure and

ара MEE

forced to register as a sex offender. Even
legal toplessness has its problems, as women
are often targeted by police officers clueless
about the laws and charged with disorderly
conduct or obstructing traffic.

At seven o'clock on a Monday morning
in 2011, artist Zefrey Throwell launched
Ocularpation: Wall Street, a five-minute
performance-art piece in which 50 naked
men and women each acted out a Wall Street
profession, from sweeping the street to sit-
ting at a desk. The piece was intended to
be a social critique “in the spirit of a Freud-
ian nightmare and to draw attention to the
absurdity of the modern economic model.”
Three participants were arrested on charges
of disorderly conduct, including Jones.

“I didn’t think I was going to get
arrested,” she tells me over a lunch of
vegan quiche as she sits perched in the
loftlike seating area above a Williamsburg
yoga studio's veggie café. “We had meet-
ings beforehand and Zefrey brought it up,
but it didn't sound likely.”

Jones's assignment that day was dog
walker, and she came equipped with a joke
dog leash attached to an invisible dog. She
took off her top and began walking. “I was
totally topless and barefoot, wearing only
capri pants,” she says.

An officer immediately confronted her
and, after she'd put her shirt back on, hand-
cuffed her. “I tried telling him it was legal for
me to be topless,” she says, “but he wouldn't
listen. He didn't know. He had no idea.”

Jones spent a few hours in a holding
cell. “I was really upset. Га never been

ADELA

‘At the moment, I’m torn between achieving total inner peace and
totally knocking off a piece.”

arrested before,” she says. “I didn’t know
what was going to happen. I thought they
might send me to Bellevue. It wouldn’t
be the first time they sent a topless girl
to Bellevue. They've done it before"—to
Phoenix Feeley, who was arrested after
going topless for a walk in New York City.
“The guy thought I was nuts.”

It’s not just law enforcement that has
nudists feeling persecuted. Social media
websites including Facebook and Insta-
gram (which was acquired by Facebook in
2012) routinely remove images containing
nudity and have been known to deacti-
vate accounts of users who post photos of
topless females, even those breast-feeding
or sunbathing. The practice has spawned
minor protests, including the #FreeThe-
Nipple hashtag. It has also attracted a
growing number of celebrity supporters
such as supermodel Cara Delevingne and
Miley Cyrus, who posted a topless photo
with the caption “Some lame a** deff
gonna (flag) dat (s***) but Peeeeeeeek it
#practicewhatchupreach #FreeTheNip-
ple.” Instagram promptly removed it.

Scout Willis, the 23-year-old daughter
of actors Bruce Willis and Demi Moore,
whose Instagram account was deleted last
year due to “instances of abuse,” took to
the streets herself. Topless, Willis strode
through lower Manhattan wearing noth-
ing but tan flat shoes, a knee-length skirt
patterned with flowers and a black purse
slung over her bare shoulder. Paparazzi
captured her bare-breasted jaunt. Google
“Scout Willis nipple” and you'll see her
bent over in front of a bodega, casually
smelling a bouquet of roses.

Willis explained her motivation in an
essay published on the website XO Jane.
“What I am arguing for is a woman's right
to choose how she represents her body—
and to make that choice based on personal
desire and not a fear of how people will
react to her or how society will judge
her. No woman should be made to feel
ashamed of her body.”

A few months after Naked Movie Night,
freezing winter blizzards having given
way to another balmy New York summer,
the Young Naturists gather in Colum-
bus Circle to celebrate New York City
Bodypainting Day. The festivities include
more than 40 nude models and a crew of
body painters coming together for a live
demonstration of the art and a celebratory
open-air exhibition.

In 2011, Andy Golub, the artist and pre-
eminent body painter who dreamed up
the event, and several of his models were
arrested during a public body-painting ses-
sion. With the help of his lawyer Ron Kuby
and the New York Civil Liberties Union,
Golub forced the NYPD to acknowledge
that live nude body painting is a valid per-
formance art and not a criminal offense.
Bodypainting Day now stands as a minor vic-
tory for nudism and a cause for celebration.

We're gathered in the garden patio of
the POP Bar in Astoria, Queens. It’s day-
time and the bar (owned by a friend) is
closed, so Golub is using the outdoor space

CHECK OUT THE NEW РЕДУВОХ СОМ.
YOU’RE WELCOME.

PLAYBOY

120

as a makeshift studio. He’s painting Jones
and another nude model, Stacey Lunin,
for a follow-up segment about Golub and
Bodypainting Day that Fox News will air
later in the week.

“It was insane. The vibe was like this
уђе Гуе never experienced anywhere,”
Golub explains about the 2014 event. He
wears a T-shirt featuring a printed copy of
his signature style of body paint, expres-
sionistic faces swirled together in shades
of blue with hooked noses and wild, car-
toonish eyes. Parked out front, his sedan
is wrapped in the same custom print.
For this year's Bodypainting Day, Golub
rented a double-decker bus to haul his liv-
ing canvases around the city, stopping for
a public display in Times Square. “And it
wasn't just me; it was this vibe that was,
like, crazy,” he says.

But is nudism really attracting a younger
crowd? А growing number of nudist and
naturist events take place across the coun-
try each summer, including Naked Spring
Bash, hosted by the Florida Young Natur-
ists. This one, targeting 18- to 35-year-olds,
features nude volleyball, an inflatable slide,
body painting, midnight skinny-dipping
and yoga workshops.

1 decide to attend a similarly advertised
summer weekend, Bodyfest 2014, a nudist
and nude-freedom event at Lupin Lodge
in Los Gatos, California. Bodyfest adver-
tises contests both physical and creative,
plus music, dance performances, yoga,
massages and more body-freedom fun.
Nomad, the organizer behind Bodyfest,
also runs PhotoNaturals.com, which hosts
and promotes year-round nudist activities.

He has promised the biggest Bodyfest yet,
with lots of young people.

That's not exactly what 1 find when
I arrive at Lupin Lodge, a tired,
clothing-optional campground crowded
with trailers for year-round living, a pool
and a main lodge with a small cafeteria
kitchen that raises a few questions about
rules regarding naked food prep. The
crowd of about 100 at the resort this day
are mostly older, and some have lived
here for many years. But about 30 young
people are here, many of them first-time
nudists who learned about Bodyfest on
the social-event network Meetup.com
and drove up from San Francisco to give
ita go. Maybe young nudists just haven't
found their place yet.

“Му friends in the area weren't too keen
on joining,” says a young Southeast Asian
тап іп Crocs and rimless glasses who has
just relocated to San Francisco from Mas-
sachusetts. “But I figured everything's
worth a try. Well, almost everything.” He
wanders alone, drifting in and out of con-
versation circles, for most of the day.

Ata lunch table in the main lodge 1 meet
what seems to be the core group of young
nudists in attendance. Maris is a curly-
haired blonde raw vegan who, despite
living a nude lifestyle on communal acre-
age in northern California, has never
before used conventional sunscreen. Her
tan is wheaty and beautiful, her body trim.
She sits with Mia and Jonathan, a poly-
amorous couple who look like siblings,
complete with the same long rusty pony-
tail, plain face and stomach paunch. They
wear matching necklaces: a sterling-silver

“Sorry Гт late. 1 тоде up and down in the elevator for an hour
trying to figure out a way to avoid this meeting.”

heart with an infinity loop coiled around
it—the international symbol for polyamory.
Their girlfriend Rose wears опе too.

There is also Laura, gorgeous with
fair skin, shiny dark hair and bright blue
eyes. She looks like a bigger-breasted nude
Liv Tyler. She's involved in the Burning
Man scene and found out about Bodyfest
through a friend on OkCupid. Her boy-
friend isn't into nudism but doesn't mind
Laura participating. She wears combat
boots in the baking sun. When it comes
time to take the big Bodyfest 2014 group
photo, Laura retreats into the lodge. "ТЕ
I'm going to be naked on the internet, I
better get paid for it,” she says.

Fair enough. Photos uploaded from
nudist events are easily spread across voy-
euristic porn sites, where they're passed
from site to site. Laura isn't the only one
concerned about the public sharing of her
private socializing. Another man I meet,
Chris, bald and shaved from top to toe—
and everywhere in between—tells me
about the time he was forwarded a link
to a voyeuristic porn site, where he and a
female friend could be seen frolicking on
a naked beach, the camera quite obviously
hidden out of sight in a dune.

Not that there aren't plenty of young
people willing to get naked on-screen. In
the past year, tiring of the de rigueur cat
fights and forced love connections, real-
ity television has brought us such nude
programming as Discovery Channel's
Naked and Afraid. Each week the show
places a pair of total strangers (a man
and a woman) in the middle of a remote
wilderness, Survivor-style, without water,
tools, food—or clothes. Last summer VH1
premiered Dating Naked, on which total
strangers are brought to paradise (a sea-
side Panama resort this time) and paired
off for various prefabricated dream dates
in the buff: horseback riding, zip-lining,
spearfishing, all sans clothes. “When I met
you I saw everything/I know you now,”
trills the theme song's chanteuse as two
pairs of tan legs skip toward the water,
pants and undies flung into the sand.

“I was surprised, pleasantly, that so
many people were interested enough in
the genuine aspect of the social experi-
ment that they were willing to be naked,”
says executive producer Rob LaPlante.

The premise of the show was no secret
during casting, but LaPlante wanted nude
newbies, not people for whom it was “sec-
ond nature, no big deal.” Ultimately, some
contestants found it difficult to disrobe when
the time came. Others found themselves
surprisingly comfortable, proving you don't
really know what you like until you try it.
Like all dating reality shows, this one has its
share of cat fights, and the dates themselves
range from disastrous to promising. It was
never the plan, but after filming wrapped,
one couple decided to get married. Their
wedding was filmed and broadcast as an
hour-long special this past September. The
bride and groom wore nothing.

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BRIAN STAUFFER

FORUM

May 2015 /// The Fi

re of Celebrity /// Religious Zealotry Seeks Legal Loopholes

STARS: THEY'RE
ALMOST LIKE US

YouTube celebrities act like they're our
friends. Does that change the nature of fame?

Blonde, 29 years old and natu-
rally effervescent, Grace Helbig
seems as though she belongs on
television. Years ago Helbig
gave traditional stardom a

try, performing at the Peoples
Improv Theater in New York
City, but along the way she
began to make amusing, con-
fessional web videos with a
friend, and the clips they
posted online soon became

much more. ^I quickly learned
that hustling 100 people into
a theater on a Wednesday was
way harder than getting 100
people to watch a video on
YouTube,” Helbig says.

Before long, she signed a
five-year contract with My
Damn Channel, a
multichannel net-
work (akin to a
digital version of
media conglomerates
such as Fox). It wasa
decision that proved
prescient: Between
2008 and 2013 her
YouTube channel gained more
than 2 million subscribers.
Helbig broke away to launch
an independent channel last
year; it has since attracted
more than 70 million views,
and her roundabout trajectory

to fame was cemented with
The Grace Helbig Project, a com-
edy talk show that premiered
on E! this April.

As YouTube celebrates its
10th anniversary this month,
Helbig and a rising class of
celebrities on the site are grasp-
ing more fame than ever
before. Like other famous You-
Tubers, Helbig found a niche
and used her charisma and
authenticity to attract legions
of fans. And though YouTube
celebrities are better known
among internet natives than
among their forebears, they
now boast a surprising measure
of real-world star power, as well

as astronomical earn-
ings and leverage
with marketers look-
ing to access elusive
youth demographics.
In other words, with
our media landscape
fractured across more
and more screens,
they're becoming the surest
bets mature media brands have
of discovering the next Chelsea
Handler or Brad Pitt. But can
YouTubers ever become truly
famous, or will they be forever
relegated to B-list status?

“We kind of created Justin
Bieber, so we can, absolutely,”
says Kevin Allocca, YouTube’s
head of culture and trends,
with a laugh. Allocca and
Helbig emphasize that much
of the appeal of celebrities
weaned on social media lies in
the promise of personal inter-
action. “YouTube isn’t an art
gallery where we put paint-
ings up for people to look
at,” Helbig says. “We're there
alongside you, having a con-
versation.” As Allocca puts it,
“The immediacy provided on
platforms like YouTube means
that authenticity is incredibly
important, more important
than other types of talent we
traditionally associate with
stars. To be authentic is a real
talent”—one that success-
ful YouTubers such as Helbig
have in spades.

Both Helbig and Ryan Higa,
another famous YouTuber, say

“YouTube
isn’t ап

art gallery
where we put
paintings up
for people to
look at. We’re
there along-
side you.”

fans in the street stop them con-
stantly. Yet Higa, for his part,
denies celebrity status. “I don’t
consider myself a big star,” he
says. “My fans know my videos,
but I'm sure their parents

have never heard of me.” The
very nature of YouTube makes
achieving cross-generational
fame difficult. Higa boasts

13 million subscribers, a
remarkable number but one
that pales in comparison with
the number of people who will
see ads for a Brad Pitt movie.
Moving from YouTube's depth
of fan interaction to the breadth
of exposure demanded in
mainstream media is difficult.
Whether successful YouTubers
should want or need to do so is
another question; a creator with
just 1 million subscribers earns
a very comfortable living.

123

124

FORUM

What isn't in question is
YouTube's unprecedented
growth: Venture capitalist Fred
Wilson called 2014 the year the
platform “became a monster.”
Online video consumption is
up ninefold since 2010, Ameri-
cans age 12 to 24 watched 15
percent fewer films in the-
aters last year than they did
in 2013, and a Variety survey
found that six of the 10 most
popular celebrities among
Americans age 13 to 18 were
YouTubers, beating out such
stalwarts as Seth Rogen and

Traditional
celebrity is
aspirational:
People want
to be George
Clooney. On
YouTube, they
want to be
friends with
Grace Helbig.

Katy Perry. In response, Hol-
lywood has made huge bets on
multichannel networks. Disney
paid $500 million to purchase
Maker Studios and Dream-
Works spent $33 million for
AwesomenessTV, while Warner
Bros. invested $18 million in
Machinima. Even traditional
talent agencies such as CAA,
UTA and WME have begun
directly signing You Tube's
biggest names to weighty
management contracts.

1228)

A JUGGERNAUT RISES

Q e

YOUTUBE HAS
MORE USERS
More people are sub-
scribing and subscribe
more often—meaning

they're in it for the _ 2014 _ 205
long haul. SUBSCRIBERS

Wealth, however, cannot
guarantee staying power. “In
a world where over two days
of video get uploaded every
minute, only that which is
truly unique and unexpected
can stand out,” Allocca said all
the way back in 2011. Things
have only become more fren-
zied since, and YouTube's stars
must remain constantly, con-
sistently remarkable. “Given
the YouTube dynamic,” says
Kenneth Krushel, an assistant
professor of media studies at
the New School, “where tran-
sient oddities are delivered
daily with little barrier to entry,
and the factor between suc-
cess and obscurity is alchemy
where a presence is noticed as
suddenly as it's forgotten, no,
it doesn't seem that the You-
Tube stars of today are the
enduring stars of tomorrow.”

The greatest barrier
between YouTube celebrity
and mainstream fame may
turn out to be structural.
Traditional celebrity is aspi-
rational: People want to be
George Clooney. On YouTube,
they want to be friends with
Grace Helbig. While a talk
show works for Helbig because
it's an extension of her You-
Tube personality, the appeal
doesn't translate to a movie in
which she'd play an entirely
different character.

Perhaps the largest question
looming over the rise of the
YouTube generation is whether
celebrity itself is changing
with them. Jennifer Lawrence
rose to stardom in large part
because we want to be her best
friend; the same argument
could be made about Chan-
ning Tatum, who is nothing if
not the kind of guy who'd be
fun at a bar. To borrow a You-
Tube colloquialism, Lawrence
is her “authentic” self. We feel
as if we're her friend, even
though we're not. For Helbig,
at least, that authenticity is the
engine behind her growing
empire. Is authenticity alone
enough to make her, or any
other YouTuber, the next Law-
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of digital upheaval will tell. NI

2014 2015

#SUBSCRIPTIONS

YouTube outper-
forms the rest

of the web, from
Facebook to AOL,

MORE VIEW
TIME
‘on minutes viewed. YOUTUBE

TOLERATING THE

INTOLERANT

Religious fanatics ask state

legislatures to legalize their bigotry
AAA |

Many of us have had landlords
from hell, but Ken Phillips
and Gail Randall had a land-
lord from heaven. In 1987,
they found their dream apart-
ment in Chico, California,

but there was one problem:
Landlord Evelyn Smith was a

49.8B

MORE REACH
THAN CABLE
Nielsen measures 47%
reveal YouTube
reaches more 18- [0
34-year-olds than
any cable channel.

devout Christian, and Phillips
and Randall were unmarried.
Smith turned them down.
Co-habitation translated into
extramarital sex, she rea-
soned, and facilitating such
sinful behavior would hin-
der her chances of seeing the
pearly gates. A nine-year court
battle followed. Smith cited
the 1993 federal Religious
Freedom Restoration Act, say-
ing it would “substantially
burden” her free exercise of
religion to aid and abet pre-
marital sex, but the California
Supreme Court disagreed.
Landlords can check your
credit rating, it ruled, but not
your marital status, and the

| YOUTUBE]

BRIAN STAUFFER

court told Smith she could
find a new job.

The Supreme Court says
that worship isn't a license
to break whatever law you'd
like. But law and logic are no
match for zealotry. This year,
nine states are set to hear Reli-
gious Freedom Restoration
Acts, many of which mimic
or go beyond the language of
the federal statute Smith cited.
Emboldened by the Supreme
Court's Hobby Lobby ruling,
allowing a company to refuse
insurance coverage for birth
control, the bills aim to open
new loopholes for discrimi-
nation by giving businesses
the right to refuse service on
the basis of religious beliefs.
Nineteen states have similar
measures in place, but these
new bills push the envelope:
Texas aims to

of our beliefs as well.”

Yes, these senators are actu-
ally asking us to be tolerant of
intolerance. It's a classic phil-
osophical paradox: Must we
tolerate intolerant beliefs in a
tolerant society?

Tolerance is less a position
based on beliefs and more a
tug-of-war between accep-
tance and rejection—after
all, we don't tolerate what we
accept; we simply accept it. We
tolerate only what we disap-
prove of. We don't “tolerate”
the Make-A-Wish Foundation,
for instance, but we tolerate
the Westboro Baptist Church,
because we can accept the
principles of free speech while
rejecting a particularly nasty
group. When Phil Robertson,
the biblically bearded star of
A&E's Duck Dynasty, trotted out

cherry-picked lines

change its existing from the Old Tes-
statute’s language tament in 2013 to
from prohibiting BY JASON say gay people are

a “substantial bur-
den” on the free
exercise of religion
to prohibiting “any
burden” and make
it a state constitutional amend-
ment, while Utah’s HB322
would go so far as to give wor-
shippers grounds to sue others
for impeding their beliefs.

What's new about this old,
bad idea is how it's being sold.
That some groups of people
don't deserve to walk into cer-
tain stores or restaurants isn't
a hill anyone is eager to die
on, but proponents of new
RFRAs are trumpeting their
cause with the very language
of civil rights, by arguing for—
of all things—tolerance.

“I filed SJR 10 to pro-
mote religious tolerance and
protect the cherished and
long-established right to reli-
gious freedom,” Texas state
senator Donna Campbell
wrote in support of her bill.
Campbell's words echo Mis-
sissippi state senator Phillip
Gandy’s: “We are asked to be
tolerant of many things,” he
said of his state’s RFRA, “and
all we're asking for is some
understanding and tolerance

39%

SILVERSTEIN

destined for hell,
he was well within
his rights to do so.
The trouble,
however, starts at
the moment beliefs become
actions. In 1879, when
Mormons challenged anti-
polygamy laws, the Supreme
Court quoted Thomas Jeffer-
son on the difference between
the two. Congress can't leg-
islate what you believe, the
founding father said, but
it must be able to legislate
how you act and especially
how you treat others. If not,
true believers, such as those
of Ponchatoula, Louisiana’s
Hosanna Church—the satanic
inspiration for HBO's True
Detective—could use God to
justify child abuse and sacri-
fice. “We cannot engage in
any conduct just because it has
a religious reason,” explains
Jenny Pizer, senior counsel for
Lambda Legal.

Intolerant action is where
the line must be drawn. The
political philosopher John
Rawls believed we must tol-
erate the intolerant, that we
shouldn't suppress апуопе 5
speech—especially not when

“We defend
religious
believers, but
we have never
agreed with
the principle
that religion
can be used
toharm
somebody
else.”

—Eunice Hyon Min Rho,
Advocacy and Policy
Counsel, ACLU

bound by our Constitution—
with one exception: when
tolerating the intolerant hangs
our safety in the balance. “Jus-
tice,” Rawls wrote, “does not
require that men stand idly by
while others destroy the basis
of their existence.”

RFRAs blur the line
between belief and action—
after all, a pastor preaching
the evils not just of abor-
tion but of the doctors who
perform them flirts with
incitement to violence. When
must we oppose religious
intolerance? For Rawls the
answer is obvious: There
must be “immediate danger
to the equal liberties of oth-
ers.” And that’s the problem
with this new rash of RFRAs.
These laws give business own-
ers license to refuse service
in places of public accommo-
dation. Two courts recently
ruled against this type of dis-
crimination: In August 2013
the New Mexico Supreme
Court ruled that a pho-
tography studio violated
antidiscrimination laws by
refusing to photograph the
commitment ceremony of
two women; then, in Decem-
ber, Colorado judge Robert
Spencer ruled that a baker
discriminated against two

FORUM

men by refusing to sell them
a wedding cake.

The First Amendment guar-
antees our right to refuse to
engage in expression that con-
flicts with our religion, and the
Supreme Court has ruled that
we cannot force such unwanted
expression, saying in the case
of West Virginia State Board of
Education v. Barnette (1943) that
schools cannot force children
to salute the flag. The baker
and the photographer are a
different problem, because if
a student refuses to say the
pledge on religious grounds,
the kid’s personal rights do not
collide with anyone else's. “In
a constitutional form of gov-
ernment,” New Mexico justice
Richard Bosson wrote in his
ruling, “personal, religious and
moral beliefs, when acted upon
to the detriment of someone
else’s rights, have constitu-
tional limits.”

While we may disagree with
those who refuse to salute the
flag, tolerating them brings
no harm. But this isn’t the
case with the baker or the
photographer—or a restau-
rant owner who refuses black
patrons, a landlord who turns
away unmarried couples or
politicians who propose bills
that aim not to “restore reli-
gion” but to restore a way
of life that we, as a nation,
decided was reprehensible in
the civil rights era.

“We defend religious believ-
ers,” says Eunice Hyon Min

s Hosanna

Rho, advocacy and policy
counsel for the ACLU, “but
we have never agreed with the
principle that religion can be
used to harm somebody else.”
Religious-freedom bills ask us
to tolerate some so they can
be legally intolerant of oth-
ers. We can tolerate all sorts
of disagreeable beliefs, but we
don't have to tolerate any type
of bad behavior, even in the
name of religion. And that’s
what the fight over these new
RFRAs is really about. Ш 125

126

2014 WAS A MIGHTY FINE YEAR, DON'T YOU THINK? HOW DEEP CAN YOU 607

THE BIG REVEAL—TWELVE STUNNING LADIES VIED FOR YOUR
ATTENTION, ASKING YOU (AND HEF) TO CONSIDER THEM
FOR THE TITLE OF 2015 PLAYMATE OF THE YEAR. THE VOTES
HAVE BEEN COUNTED, AND HERE'S THE GOOD NEWS: THERE'S
A 12-IN-12 CHANCE YOU’LL BE HAPPY WITH THE OUTCOME.

TWIST OF FAITHS—IN THE PLAYBOY INTERVIEW, DAVID SHEFF
TALKS POLITICS AND RELIGION WITH PROFESSOR REZA ASLAN,
BEST-SELLING AUTHOR AND STAUNCH DEFENDER OF ISLAM.
BORN IN IRAN, ASLAN CALLS AMERICA’S TOLERANCE FOR
RELIGIOUS FREEDOM “SCHIZOPHRENIC” AND SAYS FUNDA-
MENTALIST CHRISTIANS AND MUSLIMS HAVE MORE IN COMMON
THAN THEY REALIZE. IT’S A CONVERSATION THAT WILL LEAVE
YOU FEELING EITHER ENLIGHTENED OR ENRAGED.

THE ROAD ТО NOWHERE—IN 2013, HARRY DEVERT DUMPED
HIS JOB ON WALL STREET AND TOOK OFF ON AN UNHURRIED
MOTORCYCLE RIDE TO THE WORLD CUP. SOON AFTER, HIS DIS-
MEMBERED BODY WAS FOUND ON A BEACH IN MEXICO. JASON
MCGAHAN INVESTIGATES DEVERT’S DEATH IN AN UNSETTLING
STORY THAT INVOLVES THE MEXICAN MILITARY, DRUG CARTELS
AND AN ANONYMOUS TIPSTER ON FACEBOOK.

TAKING STOCK—CHARLIE GASPARINO, FINANCIAL CORRE-
SPONDENT FOR FOX BUSINESS NETWORK, ISN’T WELL LIKED.

Playboy (ISSN 0032-1478
Civic Center Drive, Bev
No. 40035534. Subscript
Tampa, FL 3

s: in the U.S,

such mailings, please send your current mailing label to: Playboy, PO. Box 62260, Tampa, FL, 3306

NEXT MONTH

BANKERS HATE HIM. FELLOW NEWSMAN RON INSANA HATES
HIM. EVEN HIS FRIENDS CALL HIM AN ASSHOLE. IN 20Q WITH
ROB TANNENBAUM, THE WALL STREET WHISTLE-BLOWER
EXPLAINS HIMSELF WHILE COMPARING MONEYLENDERS TO
SATAN, REHASHING HIS BEEF WITH A FORMER EMPLOYER
AND RAILING AGAINST BULLIES.

INTO THE BLUE—AROUND THE WORLD, EXTREME ATHLETES RISK
LIFE AND LIMB AND LUNG IN THE COMPETITIVE SPORT OF FREE
DIVING. ARMED WITH A FIERCE KICK AND ONLY A FEW BREATHS
OF OXYGEN, FREE DIVERS PROPEL THEMSELVES HUNDREDS
OF FEET INTO THE SEA. HYPOXIA IS A REAL RISK, BUT SPON-
SORSHIP DEALS AND WORLD CHAMPIONSHIPS PUSH THESE
SWIMMERS ТО GO DEEPER AND DEEPER. ADAM SKOLNICK DIVES
IN AND MEETS THE MEN TESTING THE LIMITS OF THE HUMAN
BODY IN THE ULTIMATE WATER SPORT.

SEXUAL DEVOLUTION—COULD SEXUAL INTERCOURSE SOON
BECOME EXTINCT? NEAL GABLER REPORTS ON A NEW PHE-
NOMENON IN JAPAN, WHERE PEOPLE ARE FORGOING SEX FOR
ONLINE FANTASY RELATIONSHIPS. YEAH, WE'RE CONFUSED TOO.

PLUS—A GUIDE TO MINIMALIST MIXOLOGY, NEW FICTION BY
SITCOM GENIUS TED COHEN, MISS JUNE SHOWS OFF HER
SUNNY DISPOSITION AND MUCH MORE.

y 2015, volume 62, number 4. Published monthly except for combined January/February and July/Augustissues by Playboy in national and regional editions, Playboy, 9346
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S= >= Ыы Шы 一

PLE

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A CUSTOM CRAFTED EXCLUSIVE ONLY
FROM THE BRADFORD EXCHANGE

RESERVATION APPLICATION SEND NO MONEY NOW

THE

BRADFORD EXCHANGE
一 JEWELRY 一
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YES. Please reserve the “Biker’s Blessing” Men's Ring for
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Ring Size (If known)

ACTUAL SIZE | Signature

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Over, please

|) Мау the sun rise in front of me, \
May the rain fall behind me,
And the wind follow beside me,
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Those who can't wait to hit the open road on two wheels no matter
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е THE =
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9345 Milwaukee Avenue - Niles, IL 60714-1393
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in this announcement.

Indicate your choice o! m

Q Atlanta Braves" | © Baltimore Orioles” О Kansas City Royals™
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О Chicago Cubs O Pittsburgh Pirates" О Chicago White Sox™

Name (Please Print Clearly)
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