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PLAYBOY 


ENTERTAINMENT FOR MEN NOVEMBER 2015 


The Interview: Christoph Waltz 
The Rise of the Machines 
20Q: Daniel Radcliffe 
America's Best Bars 2015 

Can One Man Save Boxing? 


PROMOTION 


> A little rock 
and roll, Kayla 
keeps crowds 


Stealing 
hearts across 
all continents, 


Alana's not k Up all night 
afraid to let her ` when she tours 
adventurous \ the world as a 


DJ. When she’s 
not behind the 
decks, she loves 
showing off her 
wild side in front 
of the camera 


side show. Only 

a real man could 
keep up with this 
Brazilian beauty 
as she takes the 
world head on 


lana 


No Man Can Resist Her. 


= 
Think Wisely, 


Blackheart Spiced Rum@. Bottled by Blackheart Rum Company Bardstown, КҮ 40004 46.5% Alc./Vol. © 2015 Drink Wisely." 


PROMOTION 


HELP 2015 PLAYMATE OF THE YEAR Ar 
DANI MATHERS SELECT MISS BLACKHEART. 


Тһеу'ге bold, bawdy, edgy and seductive, 4 
but which Playmate has what it takes to be named Miss Blackheart®? Ç 
Meetthe contestants and cast your vote online to help us decide. \ 


= This fearless 
beauty isn’t 
afraid to get 
up close and 


= She may look 

sweet, but Nikki 
1 isn’t your typical 
\ girl next door. А 
V sports fan and 
athlete, she can 
hold her own 
with the guys... 
while making 
them weak in 
the knees. 


personal. As 

a television 
journalist, Alison 
has the courage 
to ask the tough 
questions and 
the confidence 
to take risks in 
everything 
she pursues 


wem | 


Breaks Hearts with Опе Look. She's Risky...and Risqué. 


VOTE NOW AT 
PLAYBOY.COM/MISSBLACKHEART 


©2015 Playboy Enterprises International, Inc. PLAYBOY, PLAYBOY.COM, PLAYMATE and the Rabbit Head Design are marks of Playboy Enterprises International, Inc. 
Photo credits: Dani: Michael Bernard; Alison/Alana/Kayla: Chris Fortuna; Nikki: Jared Ryder 


С Џ Е © © ENTER THE SEDUCTIVE WORLD OF GUESS 
GUESS.COM/FRAGRANCES 


е аге at the dawn of a new epoch,” 
writes > in 
Resistance Is Futile. “Everything 
we thought we knew about fate and free 
will may soon hit the document shredder 
of history." Bold words. But consider that 
algorithms—the "if this, then that" equa- 
tions behind all technology—now drive cars, 
write books and sentence criminals, leav- 
ing us to wonder whether their reach in our 
lives has crept too far. Also on the precipice 
of a new epoch: boxing. Its overseers are 
steaming mad that Al Haymon (Floyd May- 
weather's manager) and his new Premier 
Boxing Champions aim to bring a UFC-style 
edge to the sweet science. In Who Is This 
Man and What Has He Done to Boxing?, 
sheds light on the man who some 
say could ruin the sport. 
on the other hand, is single-handedly saving 
the Hollywood villain with his brilliantly sub- 
tle performances. In his Playboy Interview, 
the Austrian-born actor explains why working 
with Quentin Tarantino changed his life and 
how he innovated within the con- 
fines of a (very) storied franchise 
as Franz Oberhauser, the antag- 
onist he plays in the upcoming 
24th Bond film. Although almost 
diametrically opposed on the 
typecasting spectrum, 
could relate to Waltz's 
call for measured innovation. In 
200, the actor explains why he 
may never escape his Harry Potter 
shadow and tells how indie roles 
and a healthy perspective helped 
him outgrow typical child-actor 
blunders. pensa 
Short story with thorny Southern 
roots. In South of Bradley, Roy 
Alison encounters the man who 
murdered his great-grandfather; the killer 
freely admits it, upturning Roy's notions of 
pride, humility and honor and testing his 
nerves. Speaking of pride, 
knows how to sacrifice his own for a good 
laugh. It's a beautiful thing to watch top com- 
ics get blotto on his show Drunk History and 
just as beautiful to see him take on the best 
of PLAYBOY's own in a special Talk section, "The 
Drunk History of Playboy.” Our Women col- 
umn finds I discussing every 
partnered person's worst nightmare—visiting 
their parents—and expertly diagnosing what 
makes it such a necessary pain. In Forum's 
"The Dark Side of Eternal Life," 
erstein ponders why a scientific search 
for the cure to death may not be as wonder- 
ful as it sounds. And G 1 takes off 
for the big city to photograph Julia Fox, a New 
York model whose natural allure in Stone- 
Cold Fox proves no metropolis does it better. 
If she's around for this new epoch, we're not 
so frightened. Beauty has no algorithm—and 
that, you have to admit, is a beautiful thing. 


Daniel Radcliffe 


Oris Divers Sixty-Five 

Automatic mechanical movement 
Unidirectional revolving bezel 

Top ring with black aluminium inlay 
Water resistant to 10 bar/100 m 
www.oris.ch 


ORIS 


Swiss Made Watches 


Since 21904 


VOL. 62, NO. 9-NOVEMBER 2015 


PLA" 


CONTENTS 


PHOTOGRAPHY, THIS PAGE AND COVER, BY SASHA EISENMAN 


RESISTANCE 

IS FUTILE 
CHRISTOPHER STEINER 
parses the cold realities ofa 
world run by algorithms. 


BEST BARS IN 
AMERICA 2015 
ALIA AKKAM tours 20 
dives, huts, patios and 
hideoutsthatare shaking 
upthe American drink. 


WHO IS THIS MAN 
AND WHAT HAS HE 
DONE TO BOXING? 
AlHaymon, Floyd May- 
weather's manager, aims to 
change the sweet science’s 
very soul, TIM STRUBY 
tries to track him down. 


MAN-MADE 
HANDMADE 


i, Cheap crap will ruin you. 
| VINCENT BOUCHER 


assembles essential objects 
made anywhere but China. 


SOUTH OF 


BRADLEY 

Head south for arevenge 
story astwisted asthe 
family feudit traces. By 


w STEVEWEDDLE ` 


| 
| 


| CHRISTOPH WALTZ 


STEPHEN REBELLO 
uncovers the outré views of 
ап actor as brilliant as the 
Villains he portrays. 


DANIEL 
RADCLIFFE 

The strangest truth about 
growing up Harry Potter? 


_ AsROB TANNENBAUM 


learns, it’s the realization 
that the actor will never 
outgrow the role. 


“<” 
ГА 


They say beauty is in the 
eye of the beholder, but 
the allure of our ravishing 
redheads Gia Marie 

and Dominique Jane is 
indisputable. Where else 
would our Rabbit be but 
squarely in their gaze? 


ЊЕ 
АМА 
WM 


WWW 
дү 


PLAYMATE: Rachel Harris 


THE DARK SIDE OF 
ETERNAL LIFE 


mulls the philosophic 
reasons to say no to 
science's latest gift: a 
radically longer life. 


STEP AWAY FROM 
THE CAMERA 
exposes the 
most obnoxious camera on 
earth: the GoPro, avisual 
megaphone for blowhards. 


ABOUT YOUR 
MOM... 
Your girlfriend makes the 
rules everywhere but at 
your mom’s house. 
relates how to 
make the hard trips home 
(somewhat) bearable. 


THE DEATH OF 
LAS VEGAS 
Demographic and cul- 
tural shifts are turning 
Sin City into Disneyland 
East. 

examines the trend. 


THE DRUNK HIS- 
TORY OF PLAYBOY 

creator 
of Comedy Central's Drunk 
History, peers down the 
bottle at 60 years of this 
very mag. 


VOL. 62, МО. 9— NOVEMBER 2015 


PLAYBOY 


CONTENTS 


STONE-COLD FOX 
Model Julia Fox is the 
kind of woman you'd 
move to New York to 
chase. See why on this 
intimate apartment- 
bound afternoon high 
above the city. 


A CREATIVE 
FORCE 

A budding Los Angeles 
artist, Miss November 
Rachel Harris is 
unafraid to get dirty in 
pursuit of her dreams. 


SEEING RED 
Dominique Jane and Gia 
Marie share а piercing 
gaze, asoft touch and 
auburn locks of hair. A 
day with them will give 
you enough autumn to 
last till spring. 


WORLD OF 
PLAYBOY 

The cast of The 
Transporter Refueled 
walks the red carpet at 
a Mansion screening; 
Playmates hit the 
beach with Redfoo and 
become high art. 


200: Daniel Radcliffe 


PLAYBILL 

DEAR PLAYBOY 
AFTER HOURS 
ENTERTAINMENT 
RAW DATA 
PLAYBOY 
ADVISOR 

PARTY JOKES 


PLAYBOY ON PLAYBOY ON PLAYBOY ON 
FACEBOOK TWITTER INSTAGRAM 


Keep up with all things Playboy at 
facebook.com/playboy, twitter.com/playboy 
and instagram.com/playboy. 


GENERAL OFFICES: PLAYBOY, 9346 CIVIC CENTER DRIVE, BEVERLY HILLS, CALIFORNIA 90210, PLAYBOY 
ASSUMES NO RESPONSIBILITY TO RETURN UNSOLICITED EDITORIAL OR GRAPHIC OR OTHER MATERIAL 

ALL RIGHTS IN LETTERS AND UNSOLICITED EDITORIAL AND GRAPHIC MATERIAL WILL BE TREATED 
AS UNCONDITIONALLY ASSIGNED FOR PUBLICATION AND COPYRIGHT PURPOSES, AND MATERIAL 
WILL BE SUBJECT TO PLAYBOY'S UNRESTRICTED RIGHT TO EDIT AND TO COMMENT EDITORIALLY. 
CONTENTS COPYRIGHT © 2015 BY PLAYBOY. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. PLAYBOY, PLAYMATE AND RAB- 
BIT HEAD SYMBOL ARE MARKS OF PLAYBOY, REGISTERED U.S. TRADEMARK OFFICE. NO PART OF 
THIS BOOK MAY BE REPRODUCED, STORED IN А RETRIEVAL SYSTEM OR TRANSMITTED IN ANY FORM 
BY ANY ELECTRONIC, MECHANICAL, PHOTOCOPYING OR RECORDING MEANS OR OTHERWISE WITH 

OUT PRIOR WRITTEN PERMISSION OF THE PUBLISHER. ANY SIMILARITY BETWEEN THE PEOPLE AND 
PLACES IN THE FICTION AND SEMI-FICTION IN THIS MAGAZINE AND ANY REAL PEOPLE AND PLACES 
15 PURELY COINCIDENTAL, FOR CREDITS SEE PAGE 104. MBI/DANBURY MINT AND DIRECTV ONSERTS 
ІМ DOMESTIC SUBSCRIPTION POLYWRAPPED COPIES. RJR/GRIZZLY INSERT BOUND BETWEEN PAGES 
48 AND 49 IN ALL COPIES. CERTIFICADO DE LICITUD DE TÍTULO NO. 7570 DE FECHA 29 DE JULIO DE 
1993, Y CERTIFICADO DE LICITUD DE CONTENIDO NO. 5108 DE FECHA 29 DE JULIO DE 1994 EXPEDI- 
DOS POR LA COMISION CALIFICADORA DE PUBLICACIONES Y REVISTAS ILUSTRADAS DEPENDIENTE 
DE LA SECRETARÍA DE GOBERNACION, MÉXICO. RESERVA DE DERECHOS 04-2000-071710332800-102. 


PRINTED IN U.S.A. 


Libero Ferrero 


10 


PLAYBOY 


HUGH M. HEFNER 


editor-in-chief 


JASON BUHRMESTER 
editorial director 
STEPHEN RANDALL deputy editor 
MAC LEWIS creative director 
HUGH GARVEY executive editor 
REBECCA H. BLACK photo director 
JARED EVANS managing editor 


EDITORIAL 
SHANE MICHAEL SINGH associate editor; TYLER TRYKOWSKI assistant editor 
COPY: WINIFRED ORMOND copy chief; CAT AUER senior copy editor 
RESEARCH: КОКА O'DONNELL research chief; SAMANTHA SAIYAVONGSA research editor 
STAFF: GILBERT MACIAS editorial coordinator 
CARTOONS: AMANDA WARREN associate cartoon editor 
CONTRIBUTING EDITORS: VINCE BEISER, MARK BOAL, T.C. BOYLE, ROBERT B. DE SALVO, STUART DYBEK, MICHAEL FLEMING, NEAL GABLER, KARL TARO GREENFELD, 
KEN GROSS, DAVID HOCHMAN, ARTHUR KRETCHMER (automotive), GEORGE LOIS, SEAN MCCUSKER, CHUCK PALAHNIUK, ROCKY RAKOVIC, STEPHEN REBELLO, DAVID RENSIN, 


WILL SELF, DAVID SHEFF, ROB MAGNUSON SMITH, JOEL STEIN, ROB TANNENBAUM, CHRISTOPHER TENNANT, DON WINSLOW, HILARY WINSTON, SLAVOJ ZIZEK 
JAMES ROSEN special correspondent 


ART 


JUSTIN PAGE managing art director; AARON LUCAS art manager; LAUREL LEWIS assistant art director 


PHOTOGRAPHY 
STEPHANIE MORRIS playmate photo editor; EVAN SMITH photo researcher; GAVIN BOND, SASHA EISENMAN, JOSH REED, JOSH RYAN senior contributing photographers; 
DAVID BELLEMERE, MITCHELL FEINBERG, ELAYNE LODGE, MICHAEL MULLER, PAUL SIRISALEE, PEGGY SIROTA, PETER YANG contributing photographers; 
KEVIN MURPHY director, photo library; CHRISTIE HARTMANN senior archivist, photo library; KARLA GOTCHER photo coordinator; 


DANIEL FERGUSON manager, prepress and imaging; AMY KASTNER-DROWN senior digital imaging specialist; OSCAR RODRIGUEZ senior prepress imaging specialist 


PRODUCTION 


LESLEY K. JOHNSON production director; HELEN YEOMAN production services manager 


PUBLIC RELATIONS 


THERESA M. HENNESSEY vice president; TERI THOMERSON director 


PLAYBOY ENTERPRISES INTERNATIONAL, INC. 


SCOTT FLANDERS chief executive officer 


PLAYBOY PRINT OPERATIONS 
DAVID G. ISRAEL chief operating officer, president, playboy media; 


TOM FLORES senior vice president, business manager, playboy media 


ADVERTISING AND MARKETING 
MATT MASTRANGELO Senior vice president, chief revenue officer and publisher; MARIE FIRNENO vice president, advertising director; 
RUSSELL SCHNEIDER executive director, integrated media sales; AMANDA CIVITELLO vice president, events and promotions 
NEW YORK: MALICK CISSE director of advertising operations and programmatic sales; ANGELA LEE digital campaign manager; 
MICHELLE TAFARELLA MELVILLE entertainment director; ADAM WEBB spirits director; MICHAEL GEDONIUS account director; 


MAG 


MCGE) 


direct-response advertising coordinator; OLIVIA BIORDI media sales planner; JASMINE vu marketing director; 

TIMOTHY KELLEPOUREY integrated marketing director; KARI JASPERSOHN associate director, marketing and activation; AMANDA CHOMICZ digital marketing manager; 
ADRIANA GARCIA art director; VOULA LYTRAS executive assistant to senior vice president, chief revenue officer and publisher 

CHICAGO: TIFFANY SPARKS ABBOTT midwest director 


LOS ANGELES: DINA LITT west coast account director; KRISTI ALLAIN senior marketing manager; VICTORIA FREDERICK sales assistant 


ТНЕ 


PLAYBOY if NOVEMBER 2015 


PLAYMATE SIGHTINGS 


MANSION FROLICS 


WORLD of 


NIGHTLIFE NOTES 


TRANSPORTED TO THE MANSION 


To celebrate the release of The Trans- 
porter Refueled, the fourth installment of 
EuropaCorp's high-octane film fran- 
chise about a kick-ass courier, Playboy 
hosted a special screening and after- 
party at the Mansion for the film's stars. 
Ed Skrein, who replaces Jason Statham 
in the latest iteration and will be seen 


in February's Deadpool, walked the red 
carpet with co-stars Loan Chabanol and 
Gabriella Wright, who both play femmes 
fatales. Lost’s Harold Perrineau and Сар- 
lain America's Anthony Mackie joined the 
cast in enjoying electrifying Transporter- 
themed dance performances and of 
course the company of Playmates. 


Playboy Edition 


BLACKHEART - 


Spiced Rum 


Edition will be 
available only. 
through the fall. 
Hot buttered 
rum, anyone? 


We rarely 
need an excuse 
to enjoy a fine 
cocktail, but for 
those who do, 
we have you 
covered. Playboy 
has teamed 
with Blackheart 
premium spiced 
rum to release a 
limited-edition, 
93-proof 
batch of the 
caramel-tinged 
spirit, in its own 
Bunny-branded 
bottle. Featur- 
ing Blackheart's 
sexy pirate girl 
reimagined as 
a Playmate on 
the label, 
Blackheart 
Playboy 


PLAYBOY 
EDITION 


ON-AIR TALENT y | 
* From sexual myths 
to relationship woes 
to video games, Miss 
July 2011 Jessa 
Hinton tackles it all 
in her new podcast, 
Anything Goes, 
available ev | 
Tuesday on iTunes. 


RISING STAR 
* PMOY 2012 
Jaclyn Swedberg 
was the most-viewed 
celebrity on IMDb 
during the month 
of August, ranking 
higher than Jennifer 
Lawrence and Cara 
Delevingne. 


PLAYBOY 


THE GIRL NEXT DOOR ON DISPLAY 


Y 


New York photographer Jonathan Leder 
is renowned for working one-on-one with 
models to create images that are both erotic and 
intimate. For his latest showcase, 92 Photographs, 
on view at Los Angeles's Superchief Gallery 
through February, Leder trained his lens on 
Miss November 2012 Britany Nola and Miss 


February 2015 Kayslee Collins (among other 
beauties) to evoke the classic pinup, the girl next 
door and other women of fantasy. Shot mostly on 
Polaroid from 2011 to 2015, the collection also 
features a then-unknown Emily Ratajkowski. A 
limited-edition show catalog is available through 
Imperial-Publishing.com for $50. 


(.сом | 
о 


TINASHE 
Her sopho- 
more album, 
Joyride, is one 
of the fall's most 
anticipated. Get 
to know the 
girl behind the 
music at her 
Becoming At- 
traction shoot. 


DANIEL 
RADCLIFFE 


The star of 
this month's 
Victor Franken- 
Stein works his 
magic on the 
set of his Gothic 
200 shoot. 


RACHEL 
HARRIS 


Burgeon- 
ing artist Miss 
November 2015 
gives new mean- 
ing to the term 
body art. Enjoy 
more of the doe- 
eyed blonde in 
an extended 
photo gallery. 


BEACH ВОР 
* Redfoo recruited 
a few Playmates in- 
cluding Miss August 
2013 Val Keil to 
shimmy in the video 
for his and Stevie 
Wonder's groovy 
dance track "Where 
the Sun Goes." 


SWEET ECSTASY 


The Rabbit 
Head makes a 
cameo in the latest 
exhibition by Lon- 
don graffiti artist 
Zeus, whose series 
Love 15 a Drug 
explores the links 
between ecstasy, 
creative expression 


and consumerism. 
The series com- 
prises 36 plaster 
"MDMA tablets" 
stamped with fa- 
mous insignias; the 
logos of Bugatti, 
Louis Vuitton and 
007 join our Rabbit 
in the collection. 


14 


COMPLEXITY IS SEXY 


"Women on Top" and “15 Female 
Viagra Here?" (Talk, September) 
are both great articles. It seems to 
me they're intrinsically linked by 
the same underlying idea: Com- 
plexity goes missing when we ap- 
proach sex for women the same 
way we approach it for men. For 
women, sex is not just about sexy 
imagery and physical stimulation; 
as Nora O'Donnell rightly points 
out, it can be “awkward, passionate 
and manipulative." 

Ava Bogle 
Los Angeles, California 


It's wonderful to see PLAYBOY high- 
lighting women behind the camera 
(“Women on Top”). Thank you! Hol- 
lywood needs to keep up with the 
times. It is sometimes shocking to 
see how an industry that's perceived 
as progressive—the film business— 
continues to lag way behind even 
the most conservative American 


BORN BAD? 

David Hochman's Playboy Interview 
with Dr. Sanjay Gupta (September) is 
interesting and timely. Gupta points out 
that steroids can cause violent behavior, 
but he skips around the fact that genetics 
researchers have identified a so-called vio- 
lence gene, also called the warrior gene. 

Bob Kerber 


Oceanside, California 


SHOCK AND FLAWS 
Give Joshua Foust an "attaboy" for his 
fine article (Why the Other Guys Keep Win- 
ning, September). It should be required 
reading for hawks like John McCain and 
Lindsey Graham who want boots on the 
ground to defeat ISIS. (Can PLAYBOY send 
them complimentary copies?) Americans 
may remember the lies George W. Bush 
told us about WMDs; we have been lied 

to about other wars too. 
Charles Hayden 


Stover, Missouri 


Foust's solution for the many foreign 
policy errors behind the repeated fail- 
ure of the U.S. to achieve clearly de- 
fined military victories is too vague. He 
implies the need for the U.S. to become 
intimately familiar with and sensitive 
to the cultural traditions, religions and 
political power structures of a region 


institutions. How can it be that only four 
percent of studio output is directed by 
humans who happen to have vaginas? 
It's important to celebrate as more and 
more women become showrunners. 
Our media will improve with the addi- 
tion of their perspectives. Yes, women 
enjoy sex; yes, we want to do more 
than fuel the male gaze; yes, we want 


before it attempts to effect change and 
thwart potential threats to our national 
security. This translates into fundamen- 
tal changes that materialize only with 


changes in people's hearts and minds— 
where the whole issue ultimately re- 
sides. However, achieving mutual trust 
and confidence is virtually impossible 
when those people do not share with us 
the ultimate value of life itself. 

Stu Luttich 
Geneva, Nebraska 


GIRL'S BEST FRIEND 

If I had been involved in the design of 

e female-arousal drug flibanserin (“Is 

Female Viagra Here?," Talk, September), 

he pill would look like a diamond. 
David J. Gross 


St. Augustine, Florida 


to incorporate our sexual lives into a 

fuller narrative. And we will continue 

to create stories that are outrageous 

and provocative—that's the job of 

a storyteller. 

Rachel Feldman 

Los Angeles, California 

Feldman is an award-winning Holly- 
wood screenwriter and film director. 


DEEP WATERS 

World of Playboy touches on important 
news regarding water safety and water 
consumption (“Pam’s PSA,” Septem- 
ber). Water is the source of life itself. 
I'm glad PLAYBOY is addressing this vital 

issue. Keep up the good work. 
Andrew J. Small III 
Taylor, Michigan 


EAT YOUR VEGGIES 

Several women in my family have 
died of cancer. During their struggles 
the doctor warned us about smoking 
cigarettes and eating burned foods, 
among other things. Maybe eating 
charred veggies, as Julia Bainbridge 
suggests in "Char Wars" (Food, Septem- 

ber), is not such a good idea? 
Melvin Beadles Sr. 
Murrieta, California 
We asked Polly Newcomb, head of the Can- 
cer Prevention Program at Fred Hutchinson 
Cancer Research Center in Seattle. She tells 
us, “Charring and cooking meat well-done— 
especially fatty cuts of meat—can result in the 
formation of carcinogens that may increase 
the risk of some cancers. These chemicals turn 
up in grilled as well as broiled and pan-fried 
meat. So avoid charring fatty сш and don't 
eat the blackened bits, as they have the highest 
concentrations of these carcinogens. Many of 
the chemicals created when meat is charred are 


not formed during the grilling of vegetables 
and fruits, so you can enjoy them worry-free.” 


IN-COP-NITO 
Гуе fallen in love with the “officer” 
posing in the September fashion spread 
with actor Ed Helms (Savile Disobedi- 
ence). She's serious enough about ђе- 
ing left-handed to carry her gun on 
her left hip and wear her watch on her 
right. And she’s sexy enough to make 
the Lamborghini Countach in the back- 
ground look ordin Who is she? 
Vincent M. D'Addio 
Signal Hill, California 
That's Miss January 2015 Brittny Ward. 
She's not entirely undercover in the pictorial— 
as you can see from her “B. Ward” name tag. 
And yes, Brittny really is left-handed. 


LIZZY’S GOT IT ALL 
I've been reading PLAYBOYS 20Q in- 
terviews for decades. David Rensin's 
conversation with actress Lizzy Caplan 
was the most hilarious ever (July/ 
August). Thank you for letting Caplan 
show her funny side. She's a beautiful, 
witty, intelligent woman. 
Roger Wooley 
Portland, Oregon 


THE BIG ELECTRON 

Despite George Carlin's accomplish- 
ments, he failed at one job: parenting 
(Entertainment, September). Unfortunately, 
Carlin isn’t the only one. As I look through 
the aging eyes ofa grandparent, I want to 
shout at young parents who seem oblivi- 
ous to their responsibility: “Can’t you see 
these wonderful creatures who depend 

on you? Stop your nonsense!” 
Richard Rowland 
Polo, Illinois 


ISMS ABOUND 
If only ageism were, as Ashton Apple- 
white argues, the last acceptable preju- 
dice (“Why Jerry Brown Can't Be Presi- 
dent,” Forum, September). Unfortunately, 
examples abound for anyone looking 
for evidence to the contrary. How about 
Donald Trump's disgusting treatment of 
Fox reporter Megyn Kelly? Or the treat- 
ment of black Americans by the police 
and other authorities? Sexism, racism 
and, sure, ageism, are alive and well. 
Morton Jauer 
Sioux City, lowa 


RED HOT 
Miss August Dominique Jane is abso- 
lutely breathtaking (Lady in Red, July/ 
August). Thanks, Hef. 
Mike Strzelczyk 
Aurora, Illinois 
Be sure to check her out along with fel- 
low redhead Gia Marie in Seeing Red, 
page 94. 


MANLY MANIA 

Joel Stein’s “Oh, Man Up Already” 
(Men, September) makes me feel as 
though I’m being lectured to by a 
grumpy old man. Too bad Stein doesn’t 
write about relevant issues, such as the 
growth of Movember, which addresses 

men’s health concerns. 
Hutson Tapp 
East Lansing, Michigan 


FORE! 

Raw Data (September) lists U.S. golf- 
er Jordan Spieth as one of the top three 
most marketable athletes. I disagree. 
Golf is not a sport; therefore, golfers 
are not athletes. 

Bob Refo 
Jacksonville, Florida 

Spieth has earned more than $10 million 
in winnings this year alone; his bank ac- 
count, at least, is undeniably athletic. 


WHEN SKIES ARE GRAY... 

Miss July 2015 is a stunning beauty, 
a perfect example of an American girl. 
(Eternal Sunshine, July/August). Thank 
you, PLAYBOY, for bringing some sunshine 
into my world. Kayla Rae Reid has my 

vote for 2016 Playmate of the Year. 
Kevin McMahon 
Binghamton, New York 


A sunshiny day with Kayla Rae Reid. 


E-mail LETTERS@PLAYBOY.COM or write 9346 CIVIC CENTER DRIVE, BEVERLY HILLS, CALIFORNIA 90210 


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AF 


BECOMING 
ATTRACTION 


Tinashe 


— IF YOU HAVE YET 
to cue up Tinashe 
on your “sexy time” 
playlist, get on it. 
The singer, who 
melds breathy R&B 
vocals with urban 
pop and indie beats, 
hit it big this sum- 
mer with “2 On,” a 
Top 40 chart-topper 
off her debut album. 
Now Tinashe hopes 
to maintain her view 
from the top with 
the release of her 
sophomore album, 
Joyride, which rumi- 
nates on “the dif- 
ferent relationships 
between human 
beings.” Says the 
22-year-old, “Sexual- 
ity has always been 
part of who | am as 
an artist—emphasis 
on part. l'm an all- 
around entertainer, 
my own creative 
force, and I’m bring- 
ing something fresh 
to the table.” 


NOVEMBER 2015 


Photography by 
JOSH REED 


PLAYBOY + HORNITOS PRESENT 


NOT JUST 
ANY TAILGATE — 8 


Put the Tail 
in Tailgate 


3 Everyone loves а 
good seafood boil, 
especially when the 
experience comes with 
a side of your favorite 
team. Treat your guests 
to the shellfish of your 
choice and turn your 
tailgate into more than 
just a meal. 


Gadgets + Gear 


Game Time 


g 


HOV Lane 


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transportation is here. Hop 
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those never-ending walks to 
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Hanging Out 

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at a tailgate. Hammaka 
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leisure on the go. Take the 
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every game to make sure 
you're never without a seat. 
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1 


The Cool Kids 

— Coolest, the most-funded 
Kickstarter campaign of 
2014, features everything 
you need for a tailgate 

built into the actual cooler. 
Beyond the basics, we're 
talking a blender, removable 
speakers, LED lighting 

and a cocktail guide with 
customized Spotify playlists. 
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TALK | WHAT MATTERS NOW 


of 


BOY 


On Comedy Central’s vaguely historical sketch series Drunk 
History, a rotating cast of Hollywood A-listers delivers boozy 
lectures on American icons including Honest Abe, Billy the Kid 
and Elvis. We asked its creator to tackle our favorite subject 


I still remember the 
smell of the PLAYBOYS | 
found in my dad's se- 

cret hiding place. It was 
the first time | thought 

my dad was cool. A 
magazine that showed 
beautiful women pos- 
ing nude, plus hilarious 
cartoons, jokes and in- 
depth interviews with 
people you wanted to 
hang out with? PLAYBOY 
was the bible for men. 

When | was a kid, it was 
the common thread 
among friends. There 
was always that one 

kid whose dad had 

the most copies, and 
everybody was friends 
with that kid. Poor guy 
didn't realize how many 

friends he owed to 
his dad's subscription. 

(Does such a friendship 
even exist now? It's so 
easy to find nude pic- 

tures these days.) | was 
hooked back then and 

remain a lover and a 
fan. As a kid, you'd hide 

your PLAYBOYS. As an 
adult, you display them 

50 your party guests 

think you're smart. 


She 
Evolution of 
me Playmate 


fyoulook at a Playmate from 

the 1970s (say Miss March 1971 
Cynthia Hall) and compare her 
with a recent Playmate (Miss 
March 2015 Chelsie Aryn, for 
example), there are some obvious 
differences. The style of woman 
has changed over the years. As a 36-year-old 
man, I wanted to see if the times had also 
changed my tastes and turn-ons. So I... "tested"... 
myself. I tested to see if a Playmate from 2015 
would do the same thing to me as one from 
back in the day. Now, granted, this is not just 


any kind of woman. These are Playmates. I 
passed the test—but I think the only reason I 
did is because one thing has remained the same: 
how Playmates look at you. There is always 

eye contact. They look at us as ifto say, “You 
know what? You might have a chance with me.” 
(It probably helps that it’s just a photograph; 
you can’t tell if she has an annoying voice or 

is saying something sarcastic.) A woman’s eye 
contact makes a man very happy. I’m glad I took 
the test, but, you know, I had a dark thought 
afterward: Is it fucked-up that I just did that toa 
picture that was taken before I was born? 


23 


PLAYMATE DATA 5НЕЕТ 


ww, Derek Matthew Waters ЧҮБЕ 
BUST: 2D WAIST: 32" HIPS: 1 lie, 


Uaec EEE ec: 150 lbs. 


BIRTH пате: 7/20/79 _ аштары 20/0106, Maryland _ PLAYB oY 
AMBITIONS: TO be a Ё laymate.: к= =- 


TURN-ONS: 


TURNOFFS: Wo Sense of humor and bodybuilders. | 


FAVORITE novies: Wasting fir Guff man, Boogie Alights, = | 
Frederick Wiseman documentaag. Did 


IDEAL EVENING: Hanging out wih Someone who _ 
Чад me laugh ага think, NC 

айма? 
WHAT I LISTEN “Pan Dus cde abe pa ana Рай >> PLAYBOY comes in 


braille! It makes sense, 
Speoas teen, Otis Redlcling ünd Adhuc Altxander but | never knew. The 
first edition was printed 
FAVORITE ro. Maryland crabs - in 1970, but in December 
1985 the Library of Con- 
| gress removed it from its 
roster of 36 braille mag- 
azines. In August 1986, 
however, U.S. District 
Judge Thomas F. Hogan 
ruled this a violation of 
the First Amendment 
and ordered braille pro- 
duction to resume. One 
imagines it was a diffi- 
cult eight months for the 
blind with no PLAYBOY. 
Only the text is trans- 


lated into braille, which 
Я (£ Powder had 0. is unfortunate, because 
_ Nip Slip. — — _mostache, — _ Tip Gun purtake . 1 would love to see—and 


feel—braille Playmates. 


MASTERS OF SEX? КЕ. NN | 
when our ssionate lovemai ing 15 
NOT REALLY interrupted by her inability to re; ' 


+ It's fun to read old PLAYBOYS and _orgasm.—R.P, Grand Rapids, Michig Seure an argument: What is multiple 
see that men still ask the Playboy a wife has not been able to have satisfy orgasm? My friend says his wife has four 


шне the оше questione а ing orgasms without the use of such exoti or five orgasms every time they have sex. 


women that were asked decades ago. 2 ^ A А 
ñ rn: as whips, chains and vibrat= 
When will we ever learn? Let's not агарһегпаНа as whip 


saugt. 2-7 хла алар, 


be cliché dumb guys anymore. Can't 5 

we just admit we'll never understand all that time, I have never had an o ES 

women? I think if we acknowledge превео ` Mx about a couple of things: How common 
that, we'll all be fine. Still clueless, are multiple orgasms, and are the 


24 butless dumb. 


Me Intro & Outro 
о Pubic Hair 


e've got bush!” I'll never forget ofthe so-called Pubic Wars between Penthouse 
the first time I saw a naked girl: and PLAYBOY. It's been a while since I saw a photo 
It was in Revenge of the Nerds. I ofanaked woman with pubic hair (hat tip to Miss 
often wonder what other movie February 2015 Kayslee Collins), and I'm not a 
has blessed my generation in the same way.Idon't Burning Man type of guy, but I do wonder why we 
think about it enough to research it, but it brings lost something that worked for such a long time. 
up a good question: What the hell happened to Playmates of yore have something natural that I 
women’s pubic hair? The first issue of PLAYBOY don't see anymore. Modern Playmates are beauti- 
that clearly showed pubic hair was January 1971, ful, but I think their lack of pubic hair is some- 
featuring Playmate Liv Lindeland, in the midst thing our recent culture has forced on them. 


When Things Qot Hare-y 


Hugh Hefner has accomplished many things no other man has, but his greatest 
feat may be that he made a rabbit sexy. A rabbit! I've never looked at the Easter bunny 
and gotten a hard-on, but PLAYBOY is so powerful that it made a fucking rabbit sexy. 
You have to be a genius to look at a rodent and say, “You know, it’s sort of sexy. Not 
so much the eyes, the legs, the nose or the feet...but those ears and tail are damn sexy. 
Sold. A bunny will be our mascot.” What else is there to say? Well done, Hef. 


REAL TALK 


Last Call 


The best ideas are 
the ones that know 
what they are. PLAYBOY 
has always known 
what it is and who it 
is trying to reach. “If 
you're a man between 
the ages of 18 and 80, 
PLAYBOY is meant for 
you,” Hef wrote in the 
first issue. He also went 
into how it isn't a fam- 
ily magazine (which is 
weird, because the first 
PLAYBOY | saw was read 
to me by my parents). 
| love two things: his- 
tory and naked women. 
I'm all about PLAYBOY's 
history. Let’s do it 
next season on Drunk 
History. | ask you, the 
reader: Who has to be 
featured in it? 


25 


DRINK 


THE 
NEWGRONI 


¿sas 


| А few years ago, cocktail geeks 

|  provedtheir insider status by order- 
ing a negroni, that perfectly bal- 
anced, sweet-and-sour, bracing 
combination of equal parts gin, 
Campari апа sweet vermouth. Fast 
forward to today, when numerous 
bartenders have been inspired to cre- 
ate variations on the classic that up 
the ante but still deliver that agro- 

j dolce deliciousness. Неге are three to 
| satisfy your inner cocktailian. 


26Photography by PAUL SIRISALEE 


шыш 


ТНЕ 
SBAGLIATO 


THE WHITE 
NEGRONI 


THE 
IMPROVED 
NEGRONI 


DRINK STYLING BY JAMIE KIMM 


-一 


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Urgent: Special Driving Notice 


To some, sunglasses are a fashion accessory... 


But When Driving, 
These Sunglasses 
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Drivers' Alert: Driving in fall and winter can 
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do you know how to protect yourself? 


Studies by the National Highway 

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n the fall and winter, the sun is lower in 

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AMERICAN MUSCLE 


THE FORD MUSTANG AND CHEVROLET CAMARO RIVALRY PICKS UP HEAT 


* In the annals of American rivalries, the 
Camaro-Mustang face-off is as significant to 
car buffs as the Yankees vs. Red Sox tradition 
is to baseball fans. For nearly five decades, the 
two vehicles have battled, clawed and fought for 
the title of best American muscle car. The bulk 
of the competition has played out in Detroit, 
where engineers from Ford and Chevy obses- 
sively tweak everything from the cars' appear- 
ance to those zero-to-60 times. With the recent 
rollout ofthe sixth-generation Camaro and sixth- 
generation Mustang, the Motor City rivalry is 
more relevant—and intense—than ever. 
Powerwise, the 2016 Chevy muscle car (pic- 
tured below) enters the race with a slight edge 
over Ford's new pony (above). The Camaro, the 
reigning five-year sales champ of the two, starts 
with a 275-horsepower two-liter turbo model and 
scales up to a 335-horsepower 3.6-liter V6 and even 
a 455-horsepower LT1 6.2-liter V8. The Mustang 
stable includes a new 310-horsepower 2.3-liter 


eco-boost engine, a 300-horsepower 3.7-liter V6 
and a 435-horsepower five-liter V8. 

After having a chance to test-drive new mod- 
els of both the Camaro and the Mustang, it's 
clear that performance has improved substan- 
tially all around, most noticeably in how stable 
and nimble the cars feel on the road. It's the 
exterior designs that will be the deciding factor 
for most buyers. The sixth-gen Mustang, first 
unveiled in 2013 as a 2015 model, was designed 
as a more modern spin reminiscent of the clas- 
sic Ford fastbacks from the 1960s. The sixth- 
gen Camaro makes its debut this year as a 2016 
model; the team behind it stuck with a slimmer, 
more chiseled take on the previous body. 

We're betting that most new buyers will opt 
for the fresher-faced Mustang over the angular 
Camaro. But diehard fans of both cars will find 
more than enough American muscle under the 
hoodto cheer about in their new players, which is 
likely to fuel the debate over which one is better 
for years to come.—Marcus Amick 


STATS 


2016 CHEVROLET 
CAMARO SS 


Engine: 6.2-liter V8 


Horsepower: 455 


STATS 


2016 FORD 
MUSTANG GT 


Engine: 5-liter V8 


Horsepower: 435 


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Torque: 400 lb.-ft. 


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TECHNOLOGY TAKES 
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Ф 


У А sweet set of 
car wheels carries a 
hefty price tag—and 
makes an attractive 
target for thieves. 

A company called 
Project Overlord has 
created a system 

to prevent preda- 
tors from snatching 
those pricey chrome 
pieces off your ride. 
The device, called 
RimTech, uses built- 
in GPS, a motion 
sensor and a camera 
attached to the tire 
to alert car owners 
if their property 

is compromised. 
When a would-be 
thief gets closer 
than three inches or 
moves the tire just 
three millimeters, an 
alarm sounds and 
the owner is notified 
via smartphone. 

If the wheel is re- 
moved, the system 
alerts the owner and 
law enforcement 
and tracks the sto- 
len goods, providing 
police with their 
location to within 

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32 


ғ GEAR 


PICTURE 
PERFECT 


INTERNET-CONNECTED CAMERAS 
STEP UP УОЏЕ INSTAGRAM GAME 


Т- rise of smartphone pho- 
tography is a blessing and a 
curse. Now anyone can snap 
and post from his pocket. Then 
again, anyone can snap and post 
from his pocket. Our feeds are bom- 
barded with blurry and blown-out 
images—there has to be a better 
way. Thankfully some cameras, real 
cameras, now have onboard wire- 
less connections, so uploading well- 
framed, in-focus photos can finally 
become the norm.— Corinne Iozzio 


IN-HAND 
INSTAGRAM 

Equal parts 
nostalgia and tech, the 
Polaroid Socialmatic 
($300, polaroid.com) 
lets you have your 
photos and share 
them too. Connected 
to a wi-fi network 
or a smartphone 
via Bluetooth, 
images from either 
the 14-megapixel 
front-facing or two- 
megapixel rear-facing 
camera upload in 
seconds. Plus there's 
an onboard printer to 
share snaps the old- 
fashioned way. 


SOUPED-UP 
SMARTPHONE 
Think of the 
Samsung Galaxy 
Camera 2 ($400, 
samsung.com) as 
the love child of 
one of the world's 
most popular 
smartphone lines 
and a 16-megapixel, 
21x-zoom shooter. On 
top of features such 
as image stabilization 
and shooting 
modes (there's 
one specifically for 
selfies), you get 
embedded wi-fi 
and Android apps, 
including Facebook 
and Instagram. 


QUICK SHARE 
Shooting action 
requires serious speed, 
and the Nikon 1 J5 
($500, nikonusa.com) 
has that in spades. 
It can capture 20 
20.8-megapixel shots 
per second (faster 
than many high- 
end digital SLRs), 
focusing continuously 
on darting objects 
such as cars, football 
players or an 
energetic Labrador. 
A wi-fi connection 
sends finished work to 
a phone or tablet for 
lickety-split uploads. 


3 og 


SEMI PRO 

Pairing a Canon 
EOS Rebel T6i ($900, 
usa.canon.com) with 
your phone over 
wi-fi does more than 
transfer pics onto 
an internet-ready 
vessel; it also turns 
your phone into a 
remote control for the 
24.2-megapixel digital 
SLR. From there, you 
can check the view- 
finder, adjust the ISO, 
aperture and other 
settings, and trigger 
the shutter. An ultra- 
fast hybrid autofocus 
ensures subjects are 
always sharp. 


= If you're happy with 
your shooter but still 
want an easier way to 

let your photos loose 
online, consider an Eyefi 
Mobi memory card ($30 
to $100, eyefi.com). The 
SD cards, which range 
from eight to 32 gigs, 
have their own wi-fi 
radios, so shots can sync 
with a smartphone, a 
tablet or the cloud. 


FROM EXECUTIVE PRODUCER MICHAEL ВАХ 


BLACK SAILS | 


THE COMPLETE SECOND SEASON 


м 


os 


WHATS yl 
YOURS ` | 


и“ Ñ pr © 


RETURNS 2016 ` 


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mE. = x 
` LL ie 
starz. wwnw.starz.com/blacksails Жай А oie ee, £ www.anchorbayent.com Ко 
Ке ç , 


34 


SPECTRE 


® In many ways, SPECTRE—the 24th 007 movie 
produced by Eon Productions—sounds like a 
return to 1960s-era James Bond films. There's that 
throwback title, which stands for Special Execu- 
tive for Counterintelligence, Terrorism, Revenge 
and Extortion, a reference to the evil international 
organization that several previous 007s battled 
against; there's Christoph Waltz as a shadowy 
German bad guy (see page 45 for Waltz's Playboy 
Interview), and there's a plot that resonates with 
elements of Bond's personal history. “SPECTRE is 


COBAIN: 
MONTAGE 


* Director Brett Mor- 
gen smashes through 
the rock-idol mystique 
ofthe Nirvana front- 
man in this compre- 


TEASE 


hensive documentary, 
FRAME revealing Kurt Cobain 
Rose asa sad, tortured artist 
Leslie by using his journals 
andartwork to re- 


create his life. Morgen 

tacklesthe "Smells Like 
Teen Spirit" and “Соте 
As You Are" singer with 


As Ygritte on 
Game of Thrones 
(pictured), Rose 

Leslie has hot cave 

sex with Jon Snow. 


See her as a young the same vigor and 
witch in The Last creativity he tapped to 
Witch Hunter with chronicle Robert Evans 


Vin Diesel. 


Skyfall times 10,” says Dave Bautista (Guardians of 
the Galaxy), a former MMA star and professional 
wrestler who plays beefy, deadly, well-tailored 
SPECTRE henchman Mr. Hinx. “Аз much as 
director Sam Mendes tapped into something nos- 
talgic with Skyfall, he tapped into that a lot more 
with this one. It has the feel of an old Bond movie 
but in a more exciting, bigger, faster-paced way. 
Daniel Craig is like Sean Connery—sex, testoster- 
one and vulnerability, a man's man who looks like 
he’s been in more than a few bar fights. I didn’t 
have scenes with Monica Bellucci, but I saw her 
on the set, a drop-dead gorgeous woman. I do have 
scenes with Léa Seydoux. She's beautiful, delicate 
featured, just an incredibly sexy woman and a 
really good actress. All the characters, including 
mine, are alot more memorable in this one." 


ing.It's one ofthe best. 
documentaries ofthe 
year and will undoubt- 
edly remain the defini- 
tive cinematic account 


OF HECK 


ofthe grunge pioneer. 
(BD) Best extras: 
in 2002's The Kid Stays deleted scenes, more of 
in the Picture. Inter- Cobain’s home movies 
views with Cobain’s (including a comedy 


mother, other relatives, 
friends, wife Courtney 
Love and bandmate 
Krist Novoselic illumi- 
nate how a depressed 
junkie genius destroyed 
the rock milieu and 
himself. The movie also 
helps dispel various 
conspiracy theories 
about Cobain’s death, 
revealing just how many 
times he attempted 
suicide before succeed- 


short) and unreleased 
Nirvana tracks. ¥¥¥¥ 


THE 33 


Lou Diamond 
Phillips relives the 
2010 Chilean mine 
disaster on-screen 


Q: The 33 is a 
fact-based film 
about the col- 
lapse of a Chilean 
gold and copper 
mine that trapped 
33 workers for 
two months. How 
tough was the 
shooting? 
We shot in 
difficult condi- 
tions for 12 hours 
a day. | lost 18 
pounds in three 
weeks. It was 
an ordeal, but it 
created a bond 
among all of us 
that replicated 
the kind of broth- 
erhood these 
miners needed to 
survive. 


Q: Your most dra- 
matic scenes are 
with Antonio Ban- 
deras, who plays 
а rallying miner. 
Did he have the 
same effect on 
the cast? 

Antonio was a 
unifying force— 
warm, magnani- 

mous and open to 
everyone. Gosh, | 
get it now. Spend 
two more minutes 
talking to Antonio 
Banderas and my 
panties would 
have been off. 


О: An estimated 
1 billion people 
around the world 
watched these 
harrowing events 
on TV. Was it hard 
to shake off the 
movie every day? 

The produc- 
tion was such 
an immersion 
into reality that 
I thanked the 

universe | wasn't 
actually a miner. It 
reminds you to be 
grateful for a pre- 
cious breath of 
fresh air, a good 
meal, being able 
to feel the sun on 
your skin. —S.R. 


MUST-WATCH TV GAMES 


ASH VS. FALL- 
EVIL DEAD OUTA 


By Harold 
By Josef Adalian COUR 


* Two years after a so-so feature reboot, 
The Evil Dead franchise is finally getting 
arevival worthy of Sam Raimi's original 
1981 cult classic. It helps that this version, 
produced and directed by Raimi, actually 
brings back original lead Bruce Campbell 
as reluctant demon warrior Ash Williams. 
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has inadvertently reawakened the forces of 
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But what makes Ash a winner—and acces- 
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developed comedic sensibility. Raimi wants 
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make them roar with laughter. He succeeds 
wildly on both counts. Y Y Y Y 


* As far as post- 
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games go, Fallout 
is the atom bomb, 
and Fallout 4 (PC, 
PS4, Xbox One) 
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Beginning ina 
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the path to the future is paved 
by choices of the past. YY YY 


MUSIC 


ARMS AROUND A VISION 


By Rob Tannenbaum 


* The snootiest music fans 
we know, even the bloggers, 
haven't caught on to Girls 
Names, a quartet from Bel- 
fast, Ireland that has been 
releasing music prolifically 
since 2010. And to be hon- 
est, it took us a while before 
we could tell the group apart 
from Girl Band, a quartet. 
from Dublin. (This helped: 
Girls Names have a woman 
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doesn't.) Butthe strapping 
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Vision deserves to break Girls 
Names out of alt-rock ano- 
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and recall Sister-era Sonic 
Youth, while the hypnotic 
grooves of “A Hunger Artist” 
and “Desire Oscillations,” 
pushed along by bass player 
Claire Miskimmin, deserve 
comparison to the postpunk 
twitch of Magazine and the 
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yet I feel so alive,” singer 
Cathal Cully hoots, hitch- 
ing Girls Names to another 
grand music tradition: being 
miserable and ecstatic at the 
same time. ҰҰУУ 


than 400 hours of 
gameplay, which, 
if true, would 
make Fallout the 
longest game ever 
created, It certain- 
ly feels that big 
as you wander а 
dystopian Boston 
overrun with mu- 
tants and bandits. 
Base-building, a 
new addition to 
the series, lets 
you construct 
and protect your 
town. You'll also 
build weapons 
such as a baseball 
bat with a chain 
saw tip. Luckily, 
you won't fight 
feral ghouls and 
super-mutants 
alone. Man's best 
friend, Dogmeat, 
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4 


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Shakespeare’s 
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people the 
Redskins 
publicity ды. 
department 
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read about the 
team online ы 
1 1 billi Samples of whiskey the Japan 
„Э ШШОП Aerospace Exploration Agency 
Number of is sending into space for an 


humans on the 
entire planet. 


290 


Fighte 


bassists 


experiment to test how booze 
mellows in microgravity. 


promotional 
E Wooing и 
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Winston 
250) Churchill. 
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According to the National 
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Viewership for 
Веуопсе'5 Super Bowl 
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50 million 


Average viewership for 
Macy's Thanksgiving 
Day Parade. 


378 million 


Viewership for President 
Barack Obama's 2009 
inauguration. 


254 million 


Viewership for the 2015 
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U.S.-Japan final. 


11,9 million 


Viewership for The 
Sopranos finale. 


Lin. 


Probability that a pigeon 
will poop on you during a 
two-hour walk in NYC. 


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38 


STEP AWAY 
FROM THE 
CAMERA 


THERE'S A TIME AND A PLACE FOR FILMING 
YOURSELF. NO, WAIT, THERE'S NOT 


he last time 1 was at my mom's 
house, she dumped out all her pho- 
tos and told me to take whatever I 
wanted. А normal son would worry 
that this meant his mom might have 
cancer, but my mother is Jewish and 
therefore is always telling me she 
might have cancer. She had mentioned 
neither an oddly shaped mole nor a sus- 
picious stomachache the entire week. She 
simply realized she never looks at old pic- 
tures and never will. 

My mom has way too many images of 
her life, despite spending the vast ma- 
jority of it without a camera phone and 
all of it without a GoPro. So I cannot 
figure out what bros are planning to do 
with all the video they're shooting with 
their HERO4s. I see them everywhere, 
documenting unheroic moments. Like 
when they're hiking. Or golfing. Or at- 
tending a concert. Or—and this is most 
unforgivable—playing with their children. 

Yes, I'm sad that so many of the world's 
greatest moments havent been docu- 
mented on film—the premieres of Shake- 
speare's plays, Columbus landing in the 
New World, other times Kim Kardashian 
has had sex. So if you are now or have ever 
been a cast member of Jackass, you have 
permission to GoPro anything. If you're 
a Russian worried about a con artist back- 
ing into your car, plant one on your wind- 
shield. If you're BASE jumping, hanging 
out with lions or BASE jumping with lions, 
by all means. If you are even a distant rela- 
tive of any Knievel—no questions asked. 

But the rest of you need to unstrap 
your Chesty, unmount your helmet cam, 
un-Velcro your wrist and, for God's sake, 
take the $60 Fetch dog harness off your 
pit bull. I have seen one video from a 
dog's perspective, and all I learned from 
it is that canines befriended humans be- 
cause dogs are so boring they're even 
boring to other dogs. 

Legitimate sports gear is constantly 
leaking out unnecessarily into the non- 
sports world. Every so often this is good, 


as in the case of yoga pants. But usually 
it's horrifying: sneakers paired with suits, 
fishhooks on baseball caps, grown men 
wearing jerseys with players' names оп 
the back, the entire 1980s (leg warmers, 
sweatbands, wristbands and those giant 
eyeglasses that I assume were meant for 
racquetball). So whereas a few years ago, 
when the only people using GoPros were 
doing high-chair endos on their Yamaha 
V-Maxes, now shirtless dudes on my hike 
in Hollywood need to document their 
ability to walk uphill. 

I saw more than one guy at Legoland 

with a head-mounted GoPro, looking like 
aminer that a Lego miner would beat up. 
No one needs moving images of anything 
that happens in Legoland. 
This is a place where all the 
rides are slow enough to cap- 
ture with a daguerreotype. 
If there are GoPros at Lego- 
land, there are definitely 
guys GoProing weeklong 
meditation retreats. 

Even astronauts can be- 
come boring when they get a 
GoPro. Several of them threw 
some water at a camera and stared at the 
sphere in awe, as if in their decades of high- 
level science education they missed all the 
lessons about surface tension. “That's so 
wild!" says astronaut Reid Wiseman— 
about a camera shooting through water, 
not about the fact that he's living outside 
Earth's atmosphere. No matter how bril- 
liant you are, a GoPro makes all men seem 
like Seth Rogen. One of the most popu- 
lar videos on GoPro's YouTube channel 
shows a pancake being flipped from the 
perspective of a spatula. I had to smoke 
four bowls just to write that sentence. 

Here's the reason your GoProing is an- 
noying: It causes you to perform. Every- 
one is suddenly James Cameron, barrel- 
ing through life as if they were in charge 


of a $100 million action film. I’m just try- š 


ing to ski, but you're capturing a once- 
in-a-lifetime moment, so I have to duck 
under the stick with your camera on it. 
We are no longer a community of skiers; 
I am an extra in the 8 millionth hour of 
the world's worst movie, called You Tube. 
Excessive GoProing is a male problem. 
Just as women take too many selfies to 
show off how hot they are, dudes shoot 
video to show off any skills they've ac- 
quired. GoProing appeals to the pathetic 
part of men that still needs Mom to look 
at us before we cannonball into a pool. It 
also appeals to the part of men that wants 
to strap cameras to inanimate objects 
to see how they would see the world. It 
shows a tremendous amount 
of restraint and economic 
sacrifice that GoPro doesn't 
sell a penis mount. 

Worse, the type of man who 
GoPros is exactly the type of 
man who shouldn't be em- 
powered by a GoPro. 'These 
cameras aren't giving voice 
to shy, smart, funny people. 
Тһеуте making dudes who 
are already too noticeable even more 
noticeable. If each art medium were at 
a party—paintbrushes telling the pretty 
girl how pretty she is, typewriters drink- 
ing whiskey in the corner and looking at 
the pretty girl, drum kits actually making 
out with the pretty girl 一 the GoPro would 
be doing a keg stand, lighting its farts on 
fire and laughing at the lines from Family 

Guy he's simultaneously quoting. 
$o be aware, bro, that no matter how 
sweet the footage from your rad adven- 
ture trip to Costa Rica, when you post it 
online you've just done the modern ver- 
sion of boring your dinner guests with 
slides of your vacation. Only they're not 
even watching. No matter what they 
claim in the YouTube comments. п 


RAUL ALLEN 


ABOUT 
YOUR MM. 


WHEN THE WOMEN IN YOUR LIFE DISAGREE, 
TREAD CAREFULLY AND CHOOSE WISELY 


kay, let’s just get into it (deep breath): 

your parents. We have to visit them. 

I know we do. It’s an unwritten 

agreement we have entered into as 

a couple. But that doesn’t make it 

easy. I mean, your dad can be dealt 
with. Dads have a few quirks—like may- 
be we can’t talk or move during a Texas 
Longhorns football game or wear black- 
soled shoes in his new car (he got a great 
deal on the light interior)—but ulti- 
mately they’re easy. I just have to make it 
through his incredibly long, torturously 
boring story about the deal he got on the 
light interior. Act impressed. Smile. Ask 
him to retell that story at some point in 
the near future and he'll think I’m great. 
"You've got a good one here!" 

Moms, on the other hand, are a lot 
harder. They know all the tricks. They 
have not just read but written the play- 
book. Nothing is going to get by them. 
And you are of no help to us. Where- 
as you know your dad is annoying—I 
mean, you have seen him eat an entire 
dinner roll with his mouth open, an im- 


pressive feat—you still think your mom 
is perfect. FYI, she’s not. Definitely not. 
And my mom isn’t perfect either, but 
I know it. And my therapist knows it. 
Nobody has a perfect mom. I just want 
you to realize it too, perhaps over the 
eight-year-old bagels your mother has 
dug out of the freezer even though we 
volunteered/begged to get fresh ones. 
Visiting your parents is like traveling 
to the land of How We Did Things from 
the land of How We Do Things Now. 
And that’s what makes visiting them so 
hard. You revert back to who you used 
to be. Your mom does your laundry, 
cuts off your pancake crusts and makes 
us sleep in separate beds (even though 
we spend every night together); she is 
the boss. In the land of How We Do 
Things Now, I am, of course, the boss. 
And the boss says pancakes 
do not even have crusts! I 
once really got into it with 
my boyfriend’s mom. And 
by “really getting into it” 
I mean we had a sugary 
sweet  nice-on-the-surface 
passive-aggressive discus- 
sion without even raising 
our voices or putting down 
our utensils. She: “So you 
guys are coming back for Father’s Day, 
right?” Me: “I might have to work.” 
She: “Well, we always do a Father’s Day 
BBQ.” Me: “Sounds fun, but I prob- 
ably have to work.” She: “We always do 
a Father’s Day BBQ.” Me: “Yeah, it’s 
gonna be tough this year.” She: “You 
guys will come.” Everyone at the table 
finally exhales. Beat. Me (not letting it 
go): “Yeah, well, I can’t really commit to 
that.” She: “You'll come.” Me: “Probably 


BY 


HILARY 
WINSTON 


DANIEL DOWNEY 


not.” Beat. Beat. Beat. Nervous shifting 
in seats. Forks scraping on plates. She: 
“We'll see.” She'd done it. She'd pulled 
out a "we'll see"! In a passive-aggressive 
argument, "We'll see" is akin to a TKO. 
As soon as I was alone with my boy- 
friend, I told him we were not coming 
back for the ВВО under any circum- 
stances. We would just send his dad a 
card and forget to call until the end of 
the day like every other self-absorbed 
30-something in America. 

Cut to the following June, when we 
were back for the Father's Day BBQ. 
She won. And the victory was not lost 
on anyone. I took it pretty hard. She 
gloated by serving me delicious cocktails 
and apple pie made with locally grown 
apples. How dare she! 

1 was getting worked up over the 
weekend, and ту boy- 
friend, who had totally tak- 
en her side before, finally 
said, "Look, I'm sorry she 
gets so nuts about this stuff." 
And just like that, I felt bet- 
ter. That was enough. It 
was enough for me to stop 
pouting and enjoy the truly 
lovely weekend. Turns out, 
I just needed my boyfriend 
to acknowledge that his mother wasn't 
perfect. That it wasn't reasonable of her 
to demand we fly across the country for 
Father's Day (a day that doesn't even 
celebrate her!). That she could be in- 
tense and wrong and stubborn. I didn't 
want him to admit this so I could be 
right, but so I could also be intense and 
wrong and stubborn too. If a guy thinks 
his mom is perfect, no woman will ever 
be able to live up to that. But if a guy 
can love his mom and accept her flaws, 
then he can accept mine. 

So when you're visiting your folks and 
your dad is telling that light-interior- 
deal story again and your mom has just 
served a Jell-O “salad,” tell your lady 
it annoys you too. Tell her it annoys 
you that for a weekend (or God forbid 
a week) you have to thaw your baked 
goods, use pillows you've had since you 
got a big-boy bed and turn on the AC 
only if "medically necessary." Then she 
can relax and enjoy your parents in the 
land of How We Did Things too, know- 
ing that when she gets back to the land 
of How We Do Things Now she'll have a 
little/a lot of slack. 

Note: I lost my guy's mother not that long 
after “The Great Fathers Day BBQ Inci- 
dent,” and I miss her. I miss locking horns 
with her over seemingly meaningless but ul- 
timately the most meaningful things. She was 
not perfect. And I am not perfect. And that is 
actually perfect. I just wish she were around 
for a Mother's Day BBQ that I could guilt her 
into coming to. I learned from the best. = 


39 


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Му boyfriend and I have been 
together for more than two 
years, which is amazing consid- 
ering I have major commitment 
issues. And for most of those 
two years we've been acting like 
rabbits in mating season—we lit- 
erally can't keep our hands off 
each other. Surprise, surprise, 
I'm now pregnant with twins, 
which is awesome except for 
how things are going in bed. We 
still have a strong sexual connec- 
tion to each other, but the sex 
is not at all the same. He is way 
quicker lately, and I can no lon- 
ger get into some of our favor- 
ite positions. We've been trying 
foreplay to make it last, but 
as soon as we're getting down 
to it, it’s over іп two minutes. 
What should we do?—C.H., 
Cleveland, Ohio 

Congratulations on (a) the long- 
lerm relationship, (b) the impend- 
ing birth of your children and (c) the 
fact that while pregnant with twins 
you're still up for having sex. Judg- 
ing from (с) we assume you're fairly 
early on in your pregnancy and 
haven't gotten too big yet. And when 
you say “it’s over” in two minutes, ше 
assume you mean he has an orgasm 
in two minutes and you don't. And 
when you say “getting down to it,” 
we assume you mean having actual 
old-fashioned penis-in-vagina inler- 
course. If all that is the case, then 
you could try to slow down on the 
foreplay front and really make the 
most of it. Treat foreplay as play, 
without the fore. Let the journey be 
the destination and not a warm-up 
period, which from the sound of it 
he at the very least doesn’t need. 
That said, we understand prefer- 
ring old-fashioned penis-in-vagina 
sexual intercourse, or sex classic as 
it’s been called. Might it be that your 
boyfriend is coming faster because 
of the new positions you're trying? 
Maybe the angle is stimulating him 
more than usual while you're not get- 
ting stimulated enough. Depending 
on the positions you guys are trying, 
we suggest he add some manual stim- 
ulation of your clitoris both before 


Ал I the only guy who thinks breasts that are 
clothed are sexier than ones that are bare? There’s 
nothing hotter than the idea of having sex with a 
woman who is still wearing her shirt. It’s sort of a 
fetish for me, and it sometimes makes it difficult to 
be in public with lots of women. I’ve become quite 
the connoisseur of breast sizes and shapes, but only 
if they’re covered up. I love breasts when they’re in 
sports bras, no bras, sweaters or oxford shirts. Am I 
weird?—N.R., Las Vegas, Nevada 

You're a little weird for reading a magazine known for pub- 
lishing photographs of bare-breasted women. While the degree 
to which you’re attracted to covered breasts isn’t common, most 
guys have felt some version of what you describe; many fetishes 
are extreme versions of something we all have inside us. 


press your boss. What you don’t want 
to do ts try to overdeliver and fall flat 
on your face. Your best bet is to make 
something with bacon in it, which 
will obscure any lack of technique 
and experience that may be evident 
in the rest of the dish. This is going 
to sound weird, but you should make 
brussels sprouts. They may seem gross 
at first, but brussels sprouts have 
actually made a comeback in foodie 
circles because people finally real- 
ized they're пицу, sweet and delicious 
when handled correctly. Paired with 
bacon and glazed with a balsamic- 
vinegar reduction, they're transcen- 
dent. Here's a recipe for balsamic 
glazed brussels sprouts with bacon; 
из kind of a new classic, and every- 
body digs it. Heat your oven to 400 
degrees. On a baking sheet, spread 
ош one and a half pounds of brus- 
sels sprouts that have been halved 
lengthwise and trimmed on the ends. 
Add a quarter cup of diced bacon 
and a couple of tablespoons of olive 
oil, along with some salt and pep- 
per. Mix it all up and spread it out 
in one layer. Roast the sprouts-bacon 
mix for about 25 minutes. While it’s 
cooking, pour a quarter cup of bal- 
samic vinegar into a saucepan and 
reduce the liquid by half. When the 
sprouts are done, drizzle them with 
the balsamic syrup, mix and trans- 
fer to a nice bowl. (If you want to be 
really safe, practice this recipe a few 
days before the main event to get your 
confidence up.) And oh yeah, bring 
a bottle of pinot noir and you'll look 
like the star you are. 


My girlfriend has genital her- 
pes. Is this curable? If I use a 
hollow strap-on for intercourse 
and don’t swap spit with her 
or lick her vagina, will I catch 
it? Or should I just keep her 
as a friend and fuck someone 
else?—H.C., Detroit, Michigan 
Genital herpes is not curable, 
though it is manageable. The risk 
of infection rises and falls with the 
appearance of sores. But having 
sex only when you don't see sores 
isn't а fail-safe method of prevent- 
ing the spread of the virus. When 


and while penetrating you. It also 

sounds as though he should be riding the brake 
a lot harder than he has been. This may sound 
unfair, but you could make a rule of no blow 
jobs, hand jobs or any other stimulation of his 
penis until you're as close to coming as you can 
get. And if all that isn't enough to get you two 
їп sync, don't fret too much, as this will pass. 
Plus, you're in good company. Almost 50 per- 
сет of men have orgasms within two minutes 
of intercourse, so there’s no shame in that. 


Pm a recent college graduate and a nov- 
ice cook. My boss just invited me to a 
Thanksgiving potluck at his house. His 


family will be there, as will a few Thanks- 
giving orphans from work, including 
my direct manager and a colleague 1 
don't like very much who sees me as 
his competition. I've been told I'm sup- 
posed to bring a "vegetable side." What 
should I do to look cool and not appear 
as though I'm trying too hard?—D.C., 
Springfield, Illinois 

Trying too hard might actually be a good 
thing in this instance. It’s impossible to over- 
deliver food, particularly when it comes to 
Thanksgiving, a holiday that is all about abun- 
dance, and especially when you're trying to im- 


there are no sores present, the risk 
of transmission is extremely low, though once 
or twice a year an infected person could be 
shedding virus without any outward signs. 
If by “hollow strap-on” you mean a condom, 
then no, you will not be fully protected. Sores 
can appear both on and in the vicinity of the 
genitals. Nor will a real strap-on protect you, 
for the same reason. Additionally, you can 
get oral herpes from infected genitals. Be- 
fore you give up on your girl, don’t assume 
you'll find safe haven in the world of poten- 
tial partners. Nearly 20 percent of the adult 
population has herpes. So if you do decide to 
ditch her and try fucking someone else, you 


41 


PLAYBOY 


42 


owe it to the general population to find out if 
you have any form of the virus: Many people 
who carry the herpes virus never show symp- 
toms, so don’t be so certain you're in the clear. 


Is the “dry-clean only” label on clothing 
a joke? I’ve heard you can wash most 
clothes, even ones marked “dry-clean 
only,” in cold water using the gentle cycle 
and then dry them flat or on a hanger. 
Does the same go for suits? I’m starting 
a new job that requires me to wear a suit 
every day and I’m looking for ways to 
save money.—L.B., Rockport, Maine 

We wouldn’t recommend cleaning a suit in 
a washing machine. While cotton and wool 
can stand up to gentle washing, the fabric 
could be a blend of materials that can’t handle 
water without shrinking considerably or los- 
ing their shape. Additionally, the lining might 
be silk or rayon, neither of which do well in a 
washing machine. While you can sometimes 
get away with washing a sweater or shirt, a 
suit’s construction can be quite complicated 
and presents far too many opportunities for 
а machine wash and dry to screw up the lines 
and drape. Better to be safe than sorry. You 
don't want to run the risk of ruining an ex- 
pensive item in an attempt to save money. 
That said, dry cleaning can be tough on a 
suit and wear it out quickly if you take it to 
the cleaners too many times. Try airing it out 
and brushing it clean when it needs it. Also, 
spot-clean spills and dirt as soon as they oc- 
cur. Once that regimen fails to freshen up your 
suit, it’s time to take it to the dry cleaner. Many 
men try to dry-clean their suits only once every 
six months or less often if they can. 


How likely is it that someone could scan 
your credit-card numbers when the 
cards are in your wallet and the wallet 
is in your pocket? Are those woven steel 
wallets really secure? Can you keep your 
cards more secure by placing a sheet 
of tinfoil in the bills section of a trifold 
wallet?—B.S., Tallahassee, Florida 

Only credit cards with radio-frequency iden- 
tification, or RFID, chips are at risk for hav- 
ing their data scanned remotely. Scanners are 
cheap and can grab data from up to 25 feet 
away. Whether or not the hackers can use that 
data is up for debate. Several years ago some 
cards were vulnerable to the degree that the 
cardholders’ names as well as their credit-card 
numbers could be stolen remotely. Since then 
companies that issue such cards claim to have 
encrypted the data, removed personal informa- 
tion and created point-of-sale safeguards that 
render the data unusable. But since that may 
not be enough reassurance for some people, 
metal wallets and sleeves can block such scan- 
ning, and yes, so can wrapping the card in 
foil. Or you could request a non-RFID card 
from your bank. But don't think you're safe 
from the multibillion-dollar threat that is 
credit-card fraud: An old-school magnetic- 
strip card is still susceptible to the much more 
widespread practice of credit-card skimming. 


When 1 was serving in Afghanistan 
my wife would talk dirty to me on the 


phone. The longer I was over there, 
the dirtier the stories got. After 1 re- 
turned home and went through a hard 
alcohol phase that lasted much longer 
than it should have, my wife had a one- 
night stand. She later told me about it, 
but instead of being hurt and upset 1 
found it extremely arousing. Now, five 
ог six years later, I've been fantasizing 
about watching her with another guy. 
How do I bring this up to her, and 
what do I do if she goes for it? Is this 
something you've heard of before?— 
J.J., Spokane, Washington 

This is one of the top 10 sexual fantasies the 
Advisor hears about from readers. Many men 
are aroused by the idea, and we stress "idea." 
Safely turning the fantasy into reality is an 
entirely different matter. Add up the challenges 
of finding the right guy, making it happen 
and then dealing with the consequences, and 
that erotic fantasy can turn into a real-world 
headache. Another one of our top 10 questions 
is, How can my wife/girlfriend and I safely 
arrange a threesome with another woman/ 
man? Again, it’s a very tough thing to pull off 
if you aren’t connected to a swinging commu- 
nity. The fact that this first came up during a 
period when you were drinking heavily makes 
us question whether it’s an area either of you 
wanls lo revisit. Presuming things are going 
well, why mess with a good thing? 


Му husband and I dabble in making our 
own sex tapes. Is there a way to profit 
from our penchant for videography?— 
D.E., Phoenix, Arizona 

Absolutely. It's called the internet, and 
there are hundreds of sites that pay for ama- 
leur porn they can distribute throughout the 
web. However, it can be difficult to make 
significant money without a lot of trial and 
error and hustle; plus, you'll have а ton of 
competition from amateurs around the world. 
If you’re creating the videos mostly for fun but 
want to make a little money off them, con- 
sider looking into the granddaddy of ama- 
leur internet porn, Homegrown Video. It's a 
reputable site run by a former Deadhead who 
got into making porn to finance his world 
travels following his favorite band. It has 
been around since the early 1990s and pays 
anywhere between $200 and several thousand 
dollars per video. Check out the site’s guide- 
lines and rates at HomegrownSubmittals.com. 
These days a scene with straight sex and a 
come shot can get you between $250 and 
$500. Word to the wise: You may want to 
upgrade from tapes to shooting on an HD 
digital camera to improve your chances of 
getting picked up. 


Could you please tell me which Ameri- 
can brands of tuna in five-ounce cans 
are entirely processed and canned in 
the U.S.? Гуе seen internet scares about 
one brand whose product is canned in 
China under very unsanitary condi- 
tions. Гуе been buying this brand for 
years and it has nothing on or under 
the label that clearly tells you where it's 
processed.—B.W., Goshen, Connecticut 


While it's slightly more expensive than 
the better-known brands, the aptly named 
American Tuna is not only canned domesti- 
cally, but the tuna is hand-cut after being 
caught using the sustainable pole-and-line 
method that reduces by-catch. Additionally, 
American Tuna catches only younger fish 
that live closer to the surface of the ocean, 
which means the mercury levels in its product 
are far lower than the allowed amounts. 


Му friends and 1 are all їп our mid-40s 
and grew up together in a small suburb 
outside New York. Тће generation be- 
fore us grew up experiencing the sexual 
revolution and free love. Members of 
today's younger generation carry de- 
vices festooned with countless apps that 
enable them to meet horny women as 
easily as ordering a pizza. We, on the 
other hand, grew up with AIDS and Ed 
Meese. Getting laid was difficult and 
required a cosmic combination of luck, 
circumstance, timing and effort. None 
of us cheats on our wives, nor do we 
really wish to (though that seems easy 
enough too these days). Still, we can't 
help feeling a little left out. In the mod- 
ern history of sex it seems we operated 
in what would be considered the Dark 
Ages. In one recent Advisor letter, a guy 
said that because of Tinder he is "having 
more sex than I thought humanly pos- 
sible." Must be tough. Has the game re- 
ally gotten that easy? Are we being cry- 
babies, or do we have a right to feel as 
though we're stuck with the middle seat 
between two lottery winners?—B.L., 
Long Island, New York 

Yes, your generation was particularly 
screwed by timing. And yes, the game has got- 
ten а lot easier thanks to mobile technology. 
That said, there's no shortage of data out there 
that shows today’s generation isn’t any more 
sexually content than previous ones. It’s that 


age-old question of quality versus quantity. 


My girlfriend and I have a very active 
and enjoyable sex life, but from time to 
time I like to wait and hold my ejacula- 
tion back so I can make it last longer. She 
says I shouldn't do this, that I should just 
let it go when I’m ready. I don’t see any 
problem with “waiting” a bit longer— 
except that once in a while I can’t finish 
because I held it too much. She claims 
this isn’t good for me. What’s your 
take?—P.D., Hogansburg, New York 

There's no compelling science that shows 
this is bad for you. It could be that she simply 
wants you Lo finish up faster and doesn't have 
the heart to just come ош and say it. 


For answers to reasonable questions relating 
to food and drink, fashion and taste, and sex 
and dating, write the Playboy Advisor, 9346 
Civic Center Drive, Beverly Hills, California 
90210, or e-mail advisor@playboy.com. The 
most interesting and pertinent questions will 
be presented in these pages each month. 


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mn CHRISTOPH WALTZ 


A candid conversation with film’s ultimate villain about battling Bond, 
interpreting Tarantino ind. deciphering the German sense of humor 


Christoph Waltz catches а fruit fly one- 
handed. The actor, fresh from a photo shoot 
and dapper in a gray suit, dispatches the pest 
with a grimly efficient twist of the wrist, flicks 
it away and wipes his hands while grinning 
enigmatically. Had he suddenly popped the 
thing into his mouth and gulped it down like 
Renfield, the fly-eating loon out of Dracula, 
it would have seemed perfectly in character. 
Blame Quentin Tarantino. Ever since Waltz 
came ош of nowhere lo win the 2010 best sup- 
porting actor Oscar for playing the diabolical, 
silver-tongued “Jew-hunter” in Tarantino’s 
Inglourious Basterds, his screen image has 
been pretty much synonymous with perverse, 
ruthlessly efficient Continental villainy. Waltz 
and Tarantino’s follow-up three years later, 
Django Unchained—for which Waltz won 
another best supporting actor Oscar play- 
ing a bounty hunter disguised as a traveling 
dentist—only reinforced the public's percep- 
lion of his mastery at playing suave, sinister 
men you love to hate. Or is it hate to love? 
Between and since his milestones for Tar- 
antino, Waltz, 59, has played theme ата 
variations on high-style nastiness in The Green 
Hornet directed by Michel Gondry, Carnage 
directed by Roman Polanski and Big Eyes di- 
rected by Tim Burton. Sure, he waltzed with 


Sweetums in Muppets Most Wanted, but we'd 
bet he still managed to creep out more than a 
few younger viewers, let alone a parent or two. 
Next up: a role as the villain in SPECTRE, 
the 24th James Bond spy adventure. He also 
just signed to direct his first feature, The Worst 
Marnage in Georgetown, a fact-based thriller 
in which he'll play a social-climbing murderer. 
Born in Vienna in 1956, he descends from 
four generations of theater folk. His grand- 
parents were actors, and his Viennese mother 
and German father designed theatrical sets. A 
movie-crazed kid, he began acting profession- 
ally in his late teens, having studied voice, opera 
and drama at the Theresianum and the Bill- 
rothgymnasium in Vienna. Upon graduating, 
he studied at the Max Reinhardt Seminar, the 
drama school at the University of Music and 
Performing Arts in Vienna. In the late 1970s, 
Waltz came to New York to study with Method 
legends Lee Strasberg and Stella Adler. Later, 
Waltz moved to London and worked steadily 
in theater. By 1980 he was well on his way to 
becoming a fixture on European TV series and 
miniseries, especially detective and crime pro- 
cedurals. Cast as priests, womanizers, louses 
and even Jesus, he won attention for breaking 
the mold by playing an idealistic bureaucrat 
swimming against a tide of Eastern European 


corruption in a 1990 Channel 4 British satiri- 
cal miniseries, The Gravy Train, and its 1991 
follow-up, The Gravy Train Goes East. Most 
of his European work isn’t widely available on 
home video in the U.S., but this seems to be all 
right by the actor, who has wryly admitted, “There 
are а few films Pm not ashamed of.” Then, six 
years ago, Tarantino threw him a lifeline after 
what the actor calls “a lot of compromises over 
the years; I had started to doubt myself.” 

Divorced with three grown children, the 
actor currently shares his life with costume 
designer Judith Holste and their 10-year- 
old daughter, traveling between homes in Los 
Angeles, London and Berlin. 

PLAYBOY sent Stephen Rebello, who last 
interviewed Jeremy Renner, to catch up with 
Waltz: “Waltz has called himself a ‘grouchy 
fart’ and ‘an utter snob.’ He doesn't disap- 
point. He’s refreshingly opinionated, keenly 
intelligent, precise in his language and cut- 
tingly funny. We parted with him shaking my 
hand and telling me I had more than passed 
muster. I drove home second-guessing myself. 
Blame Tarantino.” 


PLAYBOY: There’s certainly film history 
involved in SPECTRE, the new James 
Bond movie in which you play the 


"In a James Bond movie you have the classical 
archetypes, and the so-called Bond villain has 
his very clear-cut, defined place. It would be 
a disappointment if all of a sudden you had 
this greatly different approach.” 


“I can tell you exactly what Quentin Tarantino 
does for me. I’m not so sure what I do for him. 
He is a very important friend who opens up a 
whole universe and invites me in. I could go 
on for a long time talking about this.” 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY GAVIN BOND 


"I think the entertainment industry inflicted 
damage on itself when it ‘broke the magic." 
Now it’s all about the behind-the-scenes com- 
ments. I flatly refuse to do that. Га be pulling 
the rug out from underneath myself.” 


45 


PLAYBOY 


46 


villainous Franz Oberhauser. Depending 
on which script one reads or which rumor 
one believes, your character may have 
something to do with Blofeld, the head 
of the global crime syndicate SPECTRE 
in six previous 007 films. In such a big 
machine as a Bond film, can you bring to 
your role any of the quirky and unique 
qualities for which you’re known? 
WALTZ: It’s an effort I’m quite keen on mak- 
ing, but I’m not sure there’s a lot of room 
for that. There’s very little I can say about 
what I play, especially since the script was 
leaked by the terrible Sony hackers. 
There’s such huge machinery involved 
in making this movie, it’s quite extraor- 
dinary, really. This is Bond 24, and even 
though everything is called iconic nowa- 
days, in a way, the Bond characters are 
that—just on account of their long his- 
tory and the repetition in film to film. 
What you have in a Bond movie is really 
the continuation of folk theater, like the 
Grand Guignol in France, the Italian 
commedia dell'arte or even Punch and Judy, 
with recurring characters like the Police- 
man, the Crocodile and Death. In a James 
Bond movie you have the classical arche- 
types too, and the so-called Bond villain 
has his very clear-cut, defined place. 
It would be a disappointment if all of a 
sudden you had this greatly different ap- 
proach to playing a Bond villain. Yet with- 
in that, it's part of your work as an actor 
that it be interesting and new. 
PLAYBOY: Daniel Craig's Bond movies are 
grimmer, more violent and more brood- 
ing than any of the previous Bonds. 
Does his archenemy need to be more 
serious as well? 
WALTZ: Definitely with Daniel's Bond 
the villain has changed enormously too. 
They sapped the fun out of it a bit. 
PLAYBOY: Have you been inspired by any 
of Bond's earlier film nemeses? 
WALTZ: The directors of those Bond mov- 
ies changed almost from movie to movie, 
so things changed constantly. And Bond 
himself changed—sometimes literally— 
from movie to movie. There was the 
coolness of Sean Connery, but often the 
campiness of the villains ran away with 
itself in the Roger Moore movies. After 
Moore quit, they didn't make a deci- 
sive step away from that tendency until 
Daniel. SPECTRE is more like the Ian 
Fleming novels. It's more serious and 
without much exuberance. 
PLAYBOY: As a kid did you have fantasies of 
yourself as Bond? 
WALTZ: I always thought it was fun for 
the time being, and of course I played 
around with it. But it definitely didn't be- 
come an obsession. I was never geekish. 
PLAYBOY: Before 2009, few people outside 
Europe had seen you in anything, though 
you had already spent three decades in 
theater and film and on TV. Two great 
"bad guy" roles in Quentin Tarantino's 
Inglourious Basterds and Django Unchained 
cemented your screen image in the U.S. 
and beyond. Has anyone confronted you 


for playing morally shifty or downright 
evil characters in such complex, funny, 
scary and almost sympathetic ways? 
WALTZ: Sometimes people do confront me, 
especially about Inglourious Basterds. The 
undercurrent of the confrontations is dif- 
ferent from culture to culture. Here in the 
United States it's always very appreciative. 
It's not disrespectful in most of Europe 
either. In Germany or from Germans, 
though, the questions are always serious— 
not so much because of the historical con- 
notations. It's more about the German 
cultural preoccupation with intellectualiz- 
ing almost everything. Perhaps sometimes 
they're being humorous when they con- 
front me, but the German sense of humor 
is a form I still don't quite understand. 
PLAYBOY: This will sound like a non se- 
quitur, but you're familiar with the 1930s 
musical film stars Fred Astaire and Gin- 
ger Rogers, right? 

WALTZ: Yes, of course. Look, I know you 
are incredibly well prepared and know 
all the details about me, so I'll tell you: 
Yes, I was a member of the Fred Astaire 


The German 
sense of humor 
is a form I still 
don't quite 
understand. 


fan club in Vienna. I was about 16 or so. 
I had no idea what a fan club actually 
was. I thought, Well, maybe if I become a 
member of the fan club I can at least see 
all of Fred Astaire's movies or find some 
way to learn about tap dancing. 
PLAYBOY: That's interesting, weird and 
random, but the question was actually 
heading in a different direction. 

WALTZ: [Laughs] Is that true? 

PLAYBOY: Completely. There's a Katharine 
Hepburn quote about Astaire and Rogers: 
^He gives her class and she gives him 
sex appeal." What do you give Quentin 
Tarantino, and what does he give you? 
WALTZ: How funny. I can tell you exactly 
what Quentin does for me. I'm not so sure 
what I do for him. He is a very important 
friend who opens up a whole universe and 
invites me in. I'm talking about the qual- 
ity and intensity of his work and his ency- 
clopedic knowledge of film history. What's 
also important are his characters and his 
text, because there is nothing else that 
comes close. Quentin can write a sentence 


of seven words and the whole character is 
condensed into this sentence. Sometimes 
an endless series of actions result from that 
sentence. That’s drama. His characters do 
one thing and say another, just like we all 
do. I could go on for a long time talking 
about this without even remotely touching 
on the subject of the kind of exposure he’s 
given me, the career and all of that. 
PLAYBOY: You once called Tarantino mov- 
ies “operas without singing.” Didn't you 
take him to an opera with lots and lots of 
singing, Wagner’s Ring cycle performed 
by the Los Angeles Opera in 2010? 
WALTZ: I don't know how much experi- 
ence he had with opera before. I think we 
went to Die Walküre or Siegfried together. 
He didn’t seem out of place. He even 
seemed to enjoy the experience more 
than I did. He’s a fabulously sensitive art- 
ist. He takes everything in, like a sponge. 
PLAYBOY: What's the most memorable 
experience Tarantino has shared with 
you recently? 

WALTZ: Apart from movies I otherwise 
wouldn’t have seen, one of the most 
interesting things he showed me was a 
compilation of trailers he put together 
of teenage-rebel movies of the 1950s. It 
was like a cultural history of teenage re- 
bellion and rock-and-roll culture. It was 
fascinating. It was probably better than 
watching the entire movies because you 
get the big highlights without having to 
experience the scenes in between—in 
which nothing happens anyway. 
PLAYBOY: During your several decades of 
working in Europe, you must have audi- 
tioned hundreds of times. How different 
was your first encounter with Tarantino? 
WALTZ: Recently I’ve had the experience 
of receiving screenplays that they've gone 
through all this effort to keep secret. They 
tell you, “Every page will be watermarked 
with your name!” I’ve even had trouble 
reading them because my name is written 
so big across the page that it almost blocks 
out the text. Finally, you read these top- 
secret pages and say, “Well, who would 
want to spread this around?" Quentin is 
not precious about handing out scripts, so 
I had the whole script before the Basterds 
audition, and I read Django Unchained in 
stages at his house as he was writing it. He 
is very confident in his writing, and rightly 
so. When he meets with actors, cinematog- 
raphers and production designers he may 
want to work with, he lets them read the 
script beforehand to know his intentions. 
That’s as opposed to directors who take 
the position “Well, let’s see whether you’re 
the right person for the job, but I’m not 
telling you what the job really is because 
ГЇЇ be the judge of that.” Well, he will be 
the judge anyway, won't he? 

PLAYBOY: When you accepted the best 
actor award at the 2009 Cannes Film 
Festival, you choked up when you told 
Tarantino, “You gave me my vocation 
back.” But do you sometimes feel type- 
cast in villain roles now? 

WALTZ: Typecasting is not in itself a bad 


thing. But it can be regrettable bank- 
ing on the known as a form of security 
for the investment being made in you. 
It comes from either lack of imagination 
or worry about the investment. It's in- 
finitely trickier to go against the grain. 
Other kinds of parts are out there; 
they’re just more difficult to come by. 
But even if you're cast against type, 
against the grain, you’re still adhering 
to the principles of typecasting. I’m not 
complaining, though. 
PLAYBOY: How is a Tarantino movie set 
different from others? 
WALTZ: Quentin has this strict rule, whole- 
heartedly, with emphasis and vehemently, 
and I totally subscribe to it: No cell phones 
on the set. As you enter the soundstage 
or location, a person collects them. If you 
can’t live without your gadget, don't en- 
ter the set. If you have to be reachable for 
your day-to-day professional proceedings, 
don't enter the set. It’s either/or. People ac- 
tually have to sign a paper that they agree 
to 一 what to call it? ТЇЇ call it Lex Quentini. 
PLAYBOY: What happens to violators of 
Lex Quentini? 
WALTZ: You get fired. When somebody 
booted up a computer on set and it 
made that sound, Quentin got up and 
left without a word. It’s all part of a 
larger discussion, though. Our attention 
spans diminish more and more as we go 
on. Why does that happen? Because of 
constant distractions, that’s why. 
PLAYBOY: Distractions that aren’t exclu- 
sive to film sets, though. 
WALTZ: Oh no. It's everywhere, especially 
in the theater and at the movies. In the 
past let's say 30 years, Гуе watched the 
decline of people's willingness to engage 
and to give themselves over to an experi- 
ence. At the movies, I disagree with peo- 
ple munching nachos with some cheesy 
goo on top. Why would you spread a stink 
like that? I wonder whether it's not an 
educational problem. Nobody tells these 
people that they're not at home watching 
television. They think they've paid for the 
right to do what they do. If these people 
are texting, the objectionable thing is 
they're depriving themselves of the expe- 
rience of the movie. The entertainment 
industry, the electronics industry, the 
fashion industry are all battling for your 
attention on these handheld devices. 
PLAYBOY: So you're saying the entertain- 
ment industry is undercutting itself? 
WALTZ: I think the so-called entertain- 
ment industry inflicted great damage on 
itself when it "broke the magic." Now it's 
all about behind-the-scenes comments, 
with every actor being asked to com- 
ment on what he's playing. I flatly refuse 
to do that. I don't talk about my charac- 
ters because I'd be pulling the rug out 
from underneath myself. Why would I 
give people instructions on how to see 
and experience what I did? If you need 
these instructions, it's because you were 
involved on your cell phone instead of 
what's happening on the screen or the 


stage. If you put away your cell phone, 
you would actually get what you came to 
the theater for in the first place. 
PLAYBOY: Tarantino once said he had 
seen so many actors audition to play the 
SS agent in Inglourious Basterds without 
finding the right one that he considered 
not making the movie. Do you run into 
actors who tell you they auditioned be- 
fore you did or that Tarantino wanted 
them for the role you eventually won? 
WALTZ: Plenty. 

PLAYBOY: What percentage of them are 
telling the truth? 

WALTZ: Easily 20 percent. Some of them 
may be joking. Some even say they were 
supposed to play it. But who am I to say 
that's not true? І wasn't there, you know? 
PLAYBOY: Who's your biggest competition 
for roles these days? 

WALTZ: 1 don't want to know. I'm not 
saying I'm not competitive. In fact, Pm 
pretty much an old dog. Every dog 
snarls and growls when he sees another 
dog. I once ran into Dustin Hoffman at 
a basketball game. My daughter knows 


Typecasting is 
not in itself a 
bad thing. But 
it can be regret- 
table as a form 
of security. 


his son. His son introduced me, saying, 
"Dad, this is Christoph, you know, he 
played in Inglourious Basterds.” Hoffman 
looked at me and said, “Yeah, I haven't 
seen that. That's strange, because usu- 
ally I check out the other short guys." 
PLAYBOY: Tarantino doesn't write and di- 
rect as often as many other directors do. 
You're not in his upcoming The Hateful 
Eight, but when you heard he was mak- 
ing his first movie in three years, did you 
prick up your ears? 

WALTZ: I didn't only prick up my ears, I sat 
up straight because working with him is 
something I really desire. My relationship 
with him—at least, I see it like that—is that 
he will ask me if it’s right. And if he didn’t 
ask me, then it must not have been right. 
PLAYBOY: How did you gel with Roman 
Polanski on Carnage and with Tim Bur- 
ton on Big Eyes? 

WALTZ: I spent three fabulous months 
with Roman. I like his directness and 
sharp, sarcastic sense of humor. His pre- 
cision in moviemaking is beyond words. 


He's a grand master, even though he is 
one of the short guys. My view of him is 
tolerant and understanding of the man 
he is today. I'm not interested in opinions 
and preoccupation about what happened 
35 years ago. I'm a moral person who 
despises moralistic judgments because 
they're made at the expense of morals. 
PLAYBOY: The critics roughed you up a 
bit on Big Eyes. 

WALTZ: It needled me. I think about it a 
lot. I had run-ins with a few journalists 
because the movie was based on a true 
story and some critics found my charac- 
ter over-the-top. I told them, “I’m not 
an anthropologist. I’m not a historian. 
I’m just an actor who depends on the 
script and the director.” Was it over- 
the-top? Yes, it was. Was the man I was 
playing over-the-top? Yes, he was, much 
further than I could possibly play him. 
I was happy with the work and not un- 
happy with the result. 

PLAYBOY: You mentioned how fascinated 
you were watching Tarantino’s compila- 
tion of trailers of teenage-rebel movies. 
Growing up in Austria, how rebellious 
were you? 

WALTZ: I was not an excellent student 
but not bad. I got through at a leisurely 
pace, but sometimes I think it wouldn't 
have been the worst thing to work a little 
harder. I was certainly not an attention 
seeker or the class clown. Usually the 
class clowns rather got on my nerves. 
PLAYBOY: Did you rebel at all against fol- 
lowing four generations of your family 
into show business? 

WALTZ: I never made the responsibly de- 
liberate choice to enter that profession. 
Call it lack of resistance, lack of stamina 
or lack of imagination. It was definitely 
a lack of something that made me kind 
of slip under the door. Through that 
door was traditional grand theater, done 
in a big Austrian state theater in Vienna 
where my great-grandfather and my 
grandparents were actors. Everything 
circled around that institution. My moth- 
er and father were designers there. When 
my father died, I was a very young kid, 
and when my mother remarried, my 
stepfather was the musical director there. 
PLAYBOY: Did your family ride a financial 
roller coaster the way some show busi- 
ness families did and, of course, still do? 
WALTZ: No, if you’re in the Austrian state 
theater it’s really like aristocracy. There’s 
nothing like that here in America. When 
my grandparents started at the same the- 
ater, my grandmother was younger than 
the legal age, 21, and her father had to go 
with her to collect her pay in gold coins 
that came from the emperor’s private cof- 
fers. They didn’t have curtain calls until, 
I think, the 1980s, because the emperor 
said, “I pay these actors from my private 
funds. I don’t expose them to public cri- 
tique.” A curtain call would have been 
seen as a critique of the emperor. 
PLAYBOY: Was there much theater talk 
around the dinner table? 


47 


PLAYBOY 


48 


WALTZ: It was nothing but theater from 
all different aspects. It was unbearable. 
It would have been interesting had the 
conversation at least been more selective 
now and then. 

PLAYBOY: Did any of your siblings follow 
the family tradition? 

WALTZ: I have a brother who is а direc- 
tor and a theater manager. I was kind of 
in the middle age-wise with my brothers 
and sisters. Very good relationships and 
we speak with each other frequently. 
PLAYBOY: Were you sports-minded? 
WALTZ: Not particularly. I was a fencer 
for a few years before I went into acting. 
I competed in tournaments. I wasn’t es- 
pecially good, but I had fun with it. In 
those days, particularly in Europe, suc- 
cess wasn't the driving force. You could 
still do something in peace just for the 
enjoyment of doing it. Excelling and 
competing, as a sort of institutionalized 
sublimation of testosterone and aggres- 
sion on a national level, is something I 
observe with disquiet, to say the least. 
PLAYBOY: Were you a big music fan? 
WALTZ: When I was growing up, you 
were either a Beatles fan or a Rolling 
Stones fan. You couldn't be both. I liked 
the Beatles, though I never had anything 
against the Rolling Stones. I listened 
more to stuff like Frank Zappa and the 
Mothers of Invention. His music always 
spoke to me. Only later did I find out he 
was such a devoted fan of Edgard Varèse 
that he went to Vienna to study the aton- 
al Viennese School. Frank Zappa damn 
well knew what he was doing. I always 
had the radio playing as a kid, but I soon 
questioned the noise factor. Nowadays 
it really bothers me that so-called mu- 
sic plays in restaurants, everywhere. If 
the music is good, then I don't want to 
continue the conversation; I just want to 
listen. If it's bad, it's like pollution and it 
disturbs the conversation. 

PLAYBOY: Growing up in the 1970s, did 
you experiment with drugs? 

WALTZ: А few, some more pleasant than 
others, but in general I was not too 
much into drugs. They didn't do it for 
me. I come from a wine country, so that's 
something we did more of. But yeah, I 
did drugs, just not to the extent others 
have done them, not at all. 

PLAYBOY: What jobs did you have before 
going to acting school? 

WALTZ: I was 18 or 19 when I went to act- 
ing school, but before that I worked in 
television studios as a runner and a sort 
of 15th camera person. I was interested 
in movies. I wanted to become a cinema- 
tographer for a while. In the early 1970s 
Ioften went to see films at the extraordi- 
nary Austrian Film Museum, where they 
did retrospectives of great directors but 
also these far-out, wild and crazy experi- 
mental filmmakers, some of whom still 
exist to this day. When I was a young ac- 
tor I had a kind of Fantasy Football ideal 
where I thought it would be worthwhile 
having become an actor if I got to work 


with Billy Wilder, John Huston and 
Akira Kurosawa. Occasionally today I'll 
see a role in an older movie made by one 
of these directors or others I like, and ГЇ 
trip out a little bit, thinking, If only.... 
PLAYBOY: What did you get out of dra- 
ma school? 

WALTZ: I hated and was repulsed by it. It 
was the 1970s and everything was intel- 
lectualized. I'm not an egregious person. 
I had friends there. I got along. But I 
didn't like the courses. They had well- 
known working actors giving classes, but 
I didn't like a single one of them. I un- 
derstood what they were after, but it al- 
ways felt arbitrary and restrictive to me, 
with teachers telling me what to do, how 
it's done and why. 

PLAYBOY: At least acting schools tend to 
attract great-looking, crazy, creative peo- 
ple. The possibilities for sexual intrigue 
must have been fun, right? 

WALTZ: I didn't need acting school for 
that. Europe seems to be a little more 
open in that respect than some other 
countries. We have a much freer ex- 


I hated and 
was repulsed 
by drama 
school. It felt 
arbitrary and 
restrictive. 


change between the sexes much sooner. 

PLAYBOY: How old were you when you first 
became aware of members of the opposite 
sex looking at you appreciatively? 

WALTZ: Five, maybe earlier. At least I de- 
luded myself that they were looking at me 
appreciatively because I looked at them 
appreciatively. That appreciation changes 
at puberty of course, and after that, it 
changes from day to day. That doesn't 
mean there is a declining trajectory to it— 
in fact, quite the opposite. And as you get 
older, the appreciation morphs into some- 
thing much more interesting. 

PLAYBOY: How old were you when you had 
your first girlfriend? 

WALTZ: About 15 or 16. It lasted about a 
year. I liked her a lot. We got along well, 
did things together, and it was very pleas- 
ant. I liked girls who were lively, funny 
and approachable, girls who played 
along with me and with everybody and 
were kind of team players. To this day, 
I don't like capricious behavior. I have 
strong adverse reactions to princesses. 


PLAYBOY: Did that first romantic relation- 
ship result in "free exchange between 
the sexes"? 

WALTZ: I don't want to talk about that. I'm 
slightly obsessed with privacy. It's one of 
the few principles I cling to. I draw a line 
so as to define the difference between 
the outside and the inside. Part of our 
problem in the world and our society is 
that the line between inside and outside 
is totally blurred. You don't know where 
you are anymore. You lose your frame- 
work. How do you move with confidence 
and a feeling of identity if you don't have 
a clearly defined contour? 

PLAYBOY: Should we read the book 
Sex Perfection and Marital Happiness by 
your maternal grandfather, Rudolf von 
Urban, M.D.? 

WALTZ: I don't think you have to. I looked 
into the book. It's interesting from a his- 
torical point of view. It's not particularly 
scientific. He was a physician and ana- 
lyst who immigrated to America in 1937. 
I saw him once in my life for about an 
hour. He was into sex and sort of took 
Freud's concept of the harmful effects of 
sexual repression to a popular level. It's 
kind of an early self-help book. 

PLAYBOY: Have you ever been in therapy? 
WALTZ: Sure, yeah, it's a really good 
thing to do if you find the right person. 
I don't think there's anything heroic in 
trying to cope all by yourself with things 
you suffer from. A perfect argument for 
therapy is Einstein's quote "You can't 
solve a problem by the same thinking 
that produced it." 

PLAYBOY: You've been a working actor since 
1976. Much of your early work isn't easy 
to find in the U.S., but thanks to YouTube 
and other online sources, people can view 
clips of you as a singing and dancing Ana- 
baptist minister who also seduces a mar- 
ried woman in a bathtub. Then there's 
your 1977 song and dance on а kids’ TV 
show in which you sport a non-G-rated 
bulge in your multicolored tights. 

WALTZ: What does American TV do about 
male ballet dancers on children's shows? 
Social convention does not alter human 
anatomy. Yet somehow there's no problem 
showing somebody's head getting blown 
to smithereens and splattering his brains 
all over the wall. That you can't do in Eu- 
rope on a children's TV show. That's how 
cultures are different. In François Mitter- 
rand's funeral cortege, right behind the 
hearse was his widow and children, and 
right behind them was his mistress with 
the child they had together. They were 
together mourning for the person, not 
displaying some misconstructed edifice 
of social hypocrisy. Yet in America, the 
government breaks down if a politician 
has an affair. That people would have to 
apologize to the populace for having an 
affair? That's a private matter. 

PLAYBOY: After you'd been working in 
Europe, you came to New York to study. 
How did the U.S. measure up to the idea 
you had of it? (continued on page 109) 


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world we live in, but the 
seeds of our demise were, 
like ancient DNA, planted 
long ago. Fate and free 
will, always fodder for 


philosophical sparring, 

1 have become the subjects 

WE LET TODAY'S CHRISTOPHER of even murkier absolutes 
as algorithms—snips of 
ALGORITHMS computer code—insert 


themselves into nearly ev- 


MAKE MORE ery decision and process 
ST EI NER in o lives. Бы the 
DECISIONS FOR most complex bits of life 
can be reduced to binary 
US THAN WE decisions: If this, then 
that; if that, then this. It's 
DO OURSELVES. in this environment that 
the algorithm thrives. 
WILL THE And it's in this environ- 
ment that we live. 
CYBERSERVANT — Thanks to ever- 
increasing computing 
SOON BECOME speeds and miles of code 


accounting for nearly 
THE MASTER? 


FUTILE 
Humankind still rules the 


every eventuality, algo- 
rithms have quickly risen 
to assume control of many 
facets of our lives, from 
Google search to Spotify, 


from insurance rates to 
MARIO WAGNER which route we drive on 
the way home from work. 


Algorithms can even read 
our minds. It's that last 
development that holds 
either the most prom- 
ise or the most peril, 


| 


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P. 4 


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depending on with whom you speak. 

It's difficult to identify a seminal mo- 
ment when algorithms' march toward 
dominance tipped toward critical mass. 
For years, the takeover advanced silent- 
ly. Only when its effects became indel- 
ible, when algorithms’ rise in society be- 
came stark, palpable, did people sound 
the alarm. Needless to say, humans are 
outmatched. Where we see chaos and 
unfathomable amounts of data, bots 
driven by algorithms detect patterns, 
discern order and make conclusions. 

In a way, algorithms and the software 
that employs them compose a fold of 
human evolution. Every day, Silicon 
Valley proposes to outsource more of 
our lives’ mundane activities. It’s a 
seductive proposition. Why worry 
about driving when BMW, Audi 
and others make algorithms 
for that? Why waste glove- 
compartment space on a 
map when our phones, 
as directed by Apple or 
Google, can direct us 
where to go? Why 
bother working the bar 
crowd when a dating-site 
algorithm from OkCupid 
can deliver matched per- 
sonalities by the dozens? Why 
write down shopping lists when 
we can bark at our refrigerator 
“More milk!” and have it delivered 
by Amazon in an hour? We have 
designed algorithms to decode our 
behavior and our brains, and they have 
succeeded. The only question: Now 
what? With any luck, the answer hu- 
mans wish for will be in agreement with 
that of the bots. 

Thirty years ago algorithms first 
gained notoriety by cracking our 
financial markets and giving tech-savvy 
firms the edge on trading floors. Since 
then they've moved on to affect, if not 
yet control, every aspect of our lives: 
They decide what jobs we work, whom 
we marry, where we live, where we 
drive, what prescriptions we receive, 
what music we hear, what grades we get 
and how our money is invested. Algo- 
rithms have invaded those nuanced bas- 
tions where it would seem impossible to 
replicate a human’s understanding and 
touch, tasks such as creating original 


52 music, grading written essays, writing 


original fiction and playing games like 
poker that mix logical processes with 
nonlinear takes on human emotions. 
So what are these things, these algo- 
rithms that are so well poised to replace 
us? While the name carries a whiff of 
technical erudition, an algorithm is a 
simple device. It’s a set of instructions 
that, given input, produces output. An 
algorithm needn't involve computers. 
А set of instructions for making morn- 
ing coffee by hand is technically an 
algorithm. Of course, algorithms can 
also involve thousands of inputs, data- 
base queries, calculations and dynamic, 
evolving computations. One of the first. 
algorithms many engineering students 
are required to compose in basic com- 
puter science courses is one that will 
play a perfect game of tic-tac-toe. The 
inputs are the moves of the human; the 
outputs, the moves of the computer. АП 
computer languages—C, Java, Ruby, 
Python, PHP, whatever—are vehicles 
created to express algorithms. These 
days, the powers of prediction residing 
in computer code make tic-tac-toe pro- 


EVERY DAY, SILICON 
VALLEY PROPOSES 
TO OUTSOURCE 
MORE OF OUR LIVES' 
MUNDANE ACTIVITIES. 
IT'S A SEDUCTIVE 
PROPOSITION. 


grams analogous to the sticks chimpan- 
zees use to harvest termites. 


“The specter of somebody, something, 
being able to read our thoughts and 
our intentions by parsing our words 
seems incredible. But it doesn't seem 
impossible. We assume that psycholo- 
gists operate in something of a similar 
fashion, though their feedback is nei- 
ther as demonstrative nor as prompt 
as that of algorithms. In all these cases, 
we give algorithms and therapists a lot 
to work with: We answer questions, we 
make statements, we talk and talk until 
the words pile up into the hundreds or 
thousands. But what if we gave them 


nothing? What if we offered no words, 
no typing, no hand gestures—just our 
faces? Could algorithms still read us? 

My three children, like most, have an 
affinity for television. At home we limit 
the time they're allowed to watch, but 
given the chance, they will turn their 
attention wholly over to the pixels in 
front of them. Outside noises, such as 
that of a parent asking a question, are 
rendered nonexistent. Their faces, it 
seems to me, settle into a kind of open- 
jawed stupor that can stay frozen for 
the entire length of the program they're 
watching. What happens on the screen 
effects no change on their little coun- 
tenances. Or at least that's my view of 
things, the human view. 

Algorithms, however, can sniff out 
our brains' inner workings during 
times like this, when we're offering few 
palpable clues. Even seemingly vacant 
expressions, like those on children 
watching television, offer data that can 
be parsed by tools that are sensitive 
enough to detect them—tools wielded 
by algorithms, of course. 

Several companies are developing 
this kind of technology, using algo- 
rithms to read people's faces as portals 
to their brains. One of the companies, 

Emotient, has a direct lineage to 
Paul Ekman, who 60 years ago be- 
gan to study the meaning of facial 
expressions. Ekman linked dif- 
ferent movements of the lips, 
brow, cheeks and forehead to 
six distinct emotions: hap- 
piness, sadness, anger, dis- 

gust, fear and surprise. 

After spending more 

than 20 years on the 

subject, Ekman in 1978 
published what he called 

FACS, or Facial Action Cod- 
ing System, which categorizes 

every facial expression. FACS 
provides a set of standards to 

decode every natural facial move- 
ment, from a slight upturn of the 

lips to a nose crinkle and an eyebrow 

dip. After studying the human face and 
all the ways emotion distorts it, Ekman 
had classified each derivative of every 
expression imaginable. 

А system so comprehensive has to be 
complicated. For human psychologists 
or anybody else, it can take years to 
master. It's why Ekman himself, now 81, 
has for 30 years been one of the most 
sought-after consultants in the world. 
He has done work for the CIA, the 
FBI, DreamWorks and Pixar, teaching 
people at these places the taxonomy of 
facial movements. When Ekman was 
developing FACS in the 19705, it oc- 
curred to him that this kind of analysis 
could one day be packaged into com- 
puter code, a collection of algorithms 
that could recognize every tiny grimace, 
every eyebrow tilt. 

“I absolutely (continued on page 116) 


MARTY 
MURPHY 


“I know you're a TV anchor, Seth, but for once could you resist blurting out This just in...’?” 


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BEST LATIN-INSPIRED BAR 


Leyenda, New York 


* Across the street from Julie Reiner's beloved Clover Club is 
Leyenda, her newest project with partner Ivy Mix (below). Mix 
has spent time in Guatemala, so Leyenda's array of tequila, 
mezcal, pisco and cachaca drinks—such as the maiden name 
(cachaca, lime, coconut, vanilla, cinnamon, passion fruit, 
nutmeg)—is a manifestation of that vivacious Latin spirit 
221 Smith Street, Brooklyn, leyendabk.com 


BEST JRPRNESE-INFLECTED BAR 


BAR GOTO, NEW YORK 


When Kenta Goto left Audrey Saunders's celebrated Pegu 
Club to open his own joint there was no doubt it would be a 
quality one. The sexy Lower East Side space is exactly that, 
with addictive okonomi-yaki, a mandatory accompaniment to 
every crisp gin-cherry blossom-maraschino sakura martini. 

245 Eldridge Street, bargoto.com 


BEST SOUTHERN-ACCENTED BAR 
Julep, Houston 


* Alba Huerta's mission is to honor the South. Since opening 
Julep, her menus have paid homage to Houston, the region's 
rural roots and great port cities. This is captured in such thought- 
fully crafted libations as the low country, which unites Carolina 
Gold rice cream with cachaca, lime, cinnamon and absinthe. 
1919 Washington Avenue, julephouston.com 


BEST COCKTRIL 
BRR FOR WINE 
LOVERS 


SHIFT DRINKS 
PORTLAND, OREGON 


The wine list skews geeky 
at this downtown spot, 
and co-owner Alise Moffatt 
deftly weaves vino into the 
cocktails too, including the 
besos for pesos, a simple 
mulled wine meets Mexican 
Coke. The physically forgot- 
ten, an aperitif that melds 
gin, Cynar, maraschino 
and bitters with lemon oil, 
will turn oenophiles into 
cocktail converts. 

1200 SW Morrison Street, 
shiftdrinkspdx.com 


BEST SPIN ON TIKI 
Mother of Pearl, New York 


* There is very little rum—and just a smidgen of kitsch—on 
the menu at this airy green-and-white tiki-influenced bar. 
Instead, Jane Danger’s menu captures the escapist mind- 
set usually associated with thatched huts and mai tais via 
such refined creations as the sound of silver (rosemary, Gran 
Classico, velvet falernum, apple brandy, rye). 
95 Avenue A, motherofpearinyc.com 


BEST 
REVIVED DIVE 


HOLIDAY 
COCKTAIL 


Typically landmark bars ге- 
open to lukewarm reviews. 
Not this East Village dive. 
It's every bit as vibrant in 
its new incarnation as it 
was when it was Madonna's 
playground, except this time 
the drinks are much better. 
Тһе original horseshoe bar 
is a prime spot to unwind 
with a Brooklyn babe (gin, 
ginger beer, honey syrup). 
75 St. Mark's Place, 
holidaycocktaillounge.nyc 


BEST 
PATIO BAR 


Best Inlenlions 
Chicago 
* It’s pleasant to knock 
back a wondermint malted 
in the company of the 
jukebox inside this Logan 
Square spot, but the 
cabana is even more allur- 
ing. For its summer debut, 
the alfresco bar cranked 
out horchata margaritas 
that have us yearning for 
warmer weather. 
3281 W. Armitage Avenue, 
bestintentionschicago.com 


61 


BEST COCKTRIL BRR 
FOR THE HUNGRV 


DAMN THE WEATHER, SEATTLE 


Beyond the chicken-fat fries and blood-sausage sliders, there 
are many reasons to visit this brick-and-marble oasis in Pioneer 
Square. Bryn Lumsden and Jay Kuehner have an extensive 
spirits collection and a penchant for dreaming up intriguing 
drinks such as the shiso-laced, rye-centric black cherry smash. 
116 First Avenue South, damntheweather.com 


BEST 
RESTRURRNT 
BRR 
SPOON AND STABLE 
MINNEAPOLIS 


Тһе food from Daniel 
Boulud vet Gavin Kaysen 
keeps raking in the 
accolades, but the bar, 
helmed by Robb Jones, 
is also worth roosting at. 
Jones offers daily-changing 
libations and spins on the 
classics, including a sidecar 
with pear brandy and 
orange-vanilla bitters. 
211 First Street North, 
spoonandstable.com 


BEST NEIGHBORHOOD HANGOUT 


(THAT HAPPENS TO BE A TIKI BAR) 


Lost Lake, Chicago 


* Three Dots and a Dash mastermind Paul McGee strikes gold 
with this tropical hideaway. His imaginative creations include the 
hula hips of heaven (tequila, mezcal, grapefruit, lime, velvet faler- 
num, cinnamon, Angostura bitters, absinthe), paired with Chinese 

sausage-pineapple fried rice from the bar's adjacent eatery. 
3154 W. Diversey Avenue, lostlaketiki.com 


BEST CASUAL 


BEST TRADITIONAL : 
TIKI BAR i COCKTAIL BAR 
LATITUDE 29 
The Normandie Club 


NEW ORLEANS 


Los Angeles 


• The Normandie Club, a 
Koreatown collaboration 


One would be hard-pressed 
to find a more informed 


tiki expert than Jeff : 5 
“Beachbum” Ber. elow). : i 
When he decis = : „BEST SUBTERRRNERN Son H beween HERA a m 
insi a ^ 2 Н апа 2 i ife, is voi 
1... : MIDNIGHT RAMBLER, DALLAS кре е The menujs 
no choice but to makeita : devoted to classics with 
: Б E compelling tweaks (to wit: 
great one. The presence of : Beneath the Joule Hotel sits the animated rock-meets-deco — : a coconut bourbon old: 
a Ponchartrain pearl diver : Midnight Rambler, where the drinks—such as a temple of : fashioned). Bonus: The 
(Jamaica rum, lime, passion : the moon (jasmine-infused pisco, pineapple, lime, ‘Texas i Walker Inn, a more intimate 
fruit, honey-butter spice 2 mineral water, nutmeg) or a digestif of Irish whiskey, cassis lair, is tucked inside. 
mix) indeed confirms itis so. : апа Ethiopian single-origin coffee—inspire deep thoughts. : 3612 W. Sixth Street, 
321 М. Peters Street, : 1530 Main Street, midnightramblerbar.com | thenormandieclub.com 
latitude29nola.com 


MOST IMAGINATIVE COCKTAIL CONCEPT 


Mace, New York 


* Mace opened in the East Village just in time to revive jaded 
drinkers, wowing them with Nico de Soto’s menu that evokes 
a spice shop. Black-mustard-seed-infused Suze mixed with 
banana liqueur and lemon juice proves complexity is still 
alive and well behind the stick 
649 E. Ninth Street, macenewyork.com 


62 


BEST BAR IN AN ON-THE-RISE HOOD 


Forgery, San Francisco 


• Western SoMa, site of a burgeoning high-tech corridor, is also home to the brick-walled 
Forgery. Jacques Bezuidenhout and Ken Luciano (below) preside over the bar, making quaffs 
such as el vampiro (mezcal, Manzanilla, creme de cassis, salt). Savor one while people-watching 
through the floor-to-ceiling windows. 7525 Mission Street, forgerysf.com 


BEST 
SPEAKEASY 


PEPE LE MOKO 
PORTLAND, OREGON 


Leave it to Jeffrey Morgen- 
thaler to elevate such once- 
cloying drinks as the blue 
Hawaii and the amaretto 
sour. By embracing qual- 
ity ingredients, these up- 
grades, whipped up behind 
a handsome zinc bar, barely 
resemble the originals. Sip 
a Jágerita (yes, а Jagermeis- 
ter margarita) in the swank 
surroundings. 

407 SW 10th Avenue, 
pepelemokopdx.com 


BEST BAR 
WITHIN A BAR 


Slowly Shirley 
New York 


• Descend from the vodka- 
fueled chaos of the Happiest 
Hour into Slowly Shirley, a 
throwback to 1940s art deco 
glamour. The fancy cocktails 
that barman Jim Kearns 
might turn out in this base- 
ment den include the gin and 
Irish whiskey-forward plum 
tuckered, with plum sake, 
Aperol and cucumber. 

121 W. 10th Street, 
slowlyshirley.com 


BEST 
COCKTAILS IN 
AN OYSTER BAR 


GRAND ARMY 
NEW YORK 


This dark, dreamy oyster 
bar in idyllic Brooklyn also 
serves some of the city’s best 
new cocktails, courtesy of 
Damon Boelte. Only a tipple 


like the boardwalk flyer (aged i 


cachaça, Carpano Bianco, 
Giffard Banane du Brésil, 


fresh lime, mole bitters) could E 


make a dozen briny bivalves 
even more transcendent. 
336 State Street, Brooklyn, 
grandarmybar.com 


BEST BRR IN R 
TRRIN STRTION 


COOPER LOUNGE 
DENVER 


Revamped Union Station 
is an architectural 
masterpiece. Sitting in this 
elegant boîte, one almost 
expects the Orient Express 
to glide through. The 
mezzanine locale guarantees 
downtown views to relish 
alongside cocktails such as 
the St. Therese (tequila, 
Bénédictine, Ancho Reyes 
liqueur) and Colorado 
Wagyu tartare spiked with 
sriracha dressing. 
1701 Wynkoop Street, 
cooperlounge.com 


BEST BAR 
FOR DAYTIME 
DRINKING 


ABV 


San Francisco 


* This Mission District bar 
from Ryan Fitzgerald, 
Erik Reichborn-Kjennerud 
and Todd Smith opens at 
two PM, which means it's 
quite possible to spend an 
afternoon getting delightfully 
sauced on the likes of a 
jackel (rye, lemon, pineapple, 
cardamom) before tackling a 
burger draped in Cottonwood 
cheddar for dinner. 

3174 16th Street, abvsf.com 


THE MANAGER WHO BUILT FLOYD 
MAYWEATHER INTO ONE OF THE HIGHEST- 
PAID ATHLETES IN HISTORY IS TAKING 

ON THE ENTIRE BOXING INDUSTRY. THE 
SPORT WON'T GO DOWN EASY 


man. In newspapers and chat rooms, 
on blogs and video, this man has been 
referred to as the Phantom, the Wiz- 
ard of Oz, the new Don King, Keyser 
Sóze, the Rasputin of Boxing and the 
most powerful man in sports. There are 
theories about him: that he's turning box- 
ing into the USFL, that he's killing boxing 
just as he killed Motown Records and, 
my favorite, that he doesn't actually exist 
but is a creation of the Illuminati to laun- 
der money through certain TV networks. 
I have never met or even seen the man in 


| have come to Татра in search of a 


person, so Ї cannot confirm nor deny any 
of that. I am sure of only one fact: Тће 
man's name is Alan Haymon. 

Гтп told Haymon is not in Татра. 
Physically, that is. Yet as 1 roam the 
10,400-seat Sun Dome, home to the 
University of South Florida Bulls and 
tonight's ESPN show, it's obvious Hay- 
mon is everywhere. Most of the 20 
fighters on the card, including headlin- 
ers Keith “One Time" Thurman (25-0, 


21 KOs) and Luis Collazo (36-6, 19 KOs), 


are managed by Haymon. The entire 
mobile set featuring the dazzling Wall of 


BY TIM STRUBY 
ILLUSTRATION BY 
RORY KURTZ 


Ут 


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66 


Тћипдег—а Times Square-size array 
of three-millimeter LEDs (costing in 
the neighborhood of $2 million) dis- 
playing the fighters’ names and head 
shots—was funded by Haymon. His 
fingerprints are on ESPN too, this 
being the debut of an ESPN-Haymon 
monthly boxing series that replaces 
the weekly Friday Night Fights. 

То those with a stake in the sweet 
science, Al Haymon has been known 
as the sport's preeminent boxing 
manager-advisor for the past decade. 
He has amassed 200-plus fighters 
including Thurman, heavyweight 
Deontay Wilder, Adonis Stevenson 
and Floyd Mayweather, all of whom 
espouse a fealty to Haymon usually 
reserved for a deity. He's a 60-year- 
old Ivy Leaguer and former music 
promoter who shuns publicity and 
attention like a vampire avoids sun- 
light. No photo shoots. No interviews. 

Then, in January of this year, the 
boxing universe was rocked when 
NBC Sports Group announced the 
launch of the Premier Boxing Champi- 
ons series, 20 live bouts airing on NBC 
and NBC Sports Network through- 
out 2015. This meant the sport was 
returning—regularly—to pedestrian 
ТУ, including five prime-time shows, 
something the networks hadn't aired 
in three decades. The architect and 
owner of the Premier Boxing Cham- 
pions brand? Al Haymon. As if that 
news wasn't enough, over the coming 
months PBC announced what felt like 
a new TV deal every week, including 
ones with CBS, ESPN, Spike, Bounce 
and Fox Sports. As the story unfolded, 
it was revealed that Haymon had 
raised $425 million to fund his attempt 
to return boxing to "free" TV and, in 
doing so, to the national zeitgeist. 

Some hailed it as a bold, long over- 
due move to revive a stagnating sport. 
Others flipped out, claiming Haymon 
is attempting to hijack the sport and 
put high-profile promoters (Top Rank, 
Golden Boy) and networks (HBO, 
Showtime) out of the boxing business. 
Instead of seeing Haymon as a savior, 
many see him as a shady, secretive Suge 
Knight of boxing who is way out of his 
league. "There are a lot of smart people 
with access to lots of money who make 
stupid decisions," said Kathy Duva, 
CEO of Main Events promotions. “They 
set themselves into a hole and it blows 
up. This is gonna blow up." 

Back at the Sun Dome, however, 
the only thing blowing up is the 
7,000-strong crowd. Spotlights swirl. 
The Alan Parsons Project’s “Sirius” (the 
Chicago Bulls’ intro song) blares over 
the sound system. “Ladies and gentle- 
men, we are about to go live on ESPN. 
Let’s make some noise for the PBC!” 
With 11 cameras, glitzy staging and pal- 
pable excitement for Clearwater, Florida 
native Thurman, tonight’s production 


is a serious upgrade from ESPN’s now- 
defunct Friday Night Fights. “The PBC is 
bringing us fighters at their pinnacle,” 
says Brian Kweder, senior director of 
programming and acquisitions. “That 
belongs on ESPN.” 

After a stunning ninth-round TKO 
on the undercard, the main event kicks 
off. The 26-year-old Thurman, stron- 
ger, faster and sharper, dominates the 
first four rounds. But in the fifth, the 
veteran Collazo hurts Thurman with 
a left hook to the body. The younger 
fighter recovers, however, and a blood- 
ied Collazo doesn’t come out for the 
eighth round. 

As I join the sated masses heading 
for the doors, I run into Tim Smith, 
Haymon Boxing’s vice president of 
communications, a.k.a. the company 


. Al Haymon turned 
Floyd Mayweather into 
one of the highest-paid 
athletes. 2. Léo Santa 
Cruz and Abner Mares 
during a Premier Boxing 
Champions event. 3. А 
rare photo of Haymon. 


flack. Genial and quick with a smile, 
Smith, a former New York Daily News 
boxing scribe, chats with a white-haired 
acquaintance from the boxing business. 
They talk about the fight, the changes 
afoot and the future of PBC. 

“That Al is going to be like Dana 
White and the UFC,” notes the 
old-timer. 

“Oh no,” says Smith with a chuckle. 
“When this is all said and done, it’s going 
to be much bigger than the UFC.” 


In September 1977, NBC’s broad- 
cast of Muhammad Ali’s 15-round 
decision over Earnie Shavers drew 

a 37.3 rating with a 57 percent TV 
share—meaning more than half the 
households in America, or about 

100 million people, tuned in. As 
recently as 1995, a Mike Tyson-Buster 
Mathis Jr. matchup on Fox attracted 
26.5 million viewers. Times have 
changed. An average show on HBO— 
the undisputed champ of boxing 
programming—is seen in 1.3 million 
households. This past May, the long- 
awaited Floyd Mayweather-Manny 
Pacquiao bout, the most anticipated 
in recent (continued on page 102) 


"Would you like to hear todays specials?" 


DANIEL RADCLIFFE 


BY ROB TANNENBAUM 
PHOTOGRAPHY BY GAVIN BOND 


THE ACTOR FORMERLY KNOUNAS HARRY-POT-EER weet: 5 
TALKS ABOUT LIFE ASW GROWN LP. APPEARING NUDE 
ONSTAGE. MASTURBATINGIN IHSDRESSIN@ROOMZIND SE 
BEING VERTICAEEY-CHALEEXGED LN A PROEESSION 224 
THAT VENERATES ТИГ; TALE TENDING MAN p m 


3 А | 
~ TA ` zn 
~ á D 


| 
al 

PLAYBOY: You were 12 years old when | 

the first Harry Potter film came out. At 

what point did you realize the role was go- 

ing to follow you for the rest of your life? | 

RADCLIFFE: It may have become clear 

to me only in the past few years. In your 

head, you imagine it will all go away 

once the series is over. When I was first 

going out to bars and pubs, I was try- 

ing to pretend I could have a normal 

existence. Then you realize that people | 

know who you аге, and when you're in 

a bar they take out their camera phones. | 

Eventually you accept that you have to | 

adapt how you live. 


Q2 
PLAYBOY: The Potter series is over. Has 
the attention gone away? 
RADCLIFFE: It feels like I get recognized 
more now. Here's what's scary: If you were 
14 when the first film came out, you'd 
now be almost in your 30s and could well | 
have a child under 10 whom you're now 
introducing to Harry Potter. We're al- 
ready getting the next generation. That's | 
just bizarre. It’s never going away. 


аз 

PLAYBOY: Why hasn't the appeal faded? 

RADCLIFFE: Because the stories аге 
ЖО» great! A huge part of our culture now 
% is that if something becomes successful 
there's a backlash. Harry Potter didn't have 
that. There are people who don't want to 
read it, but the number of people who ac- 


2 pec 8 tively dislike it is very low. The books are 


Ш + moment, when there was a fear, because 
_ of the rise of computer games, that read- 
ing was goingito become a thing of the 
ast. When kids,suddenly found these 
ooks, it wa$something everyone could | 


‚great, and they came along at the perfect | 
I 
| 


'LAYBOY: Хош ve been very forthright 
E ini. fact that you drank heavily 
егуге саре ages of 18 апа 20. Was that | 
_ to ublic scrutiny? 
= ime I'd go out to 

s е, ~~ dante, camera phones: would come out. ~ 
d make méwery self-conscious, 
« lest-way to escape. be- ` 
voe i hol is a-quick wa: 
> per. Thar: Sout was related: mie os 


ee Чы: ago | there was a er 


that showed а lot of inventors, including 
a guy who invented the camera phone. 
He was smiling smugly into the camera, 
and I was just like, Fuck you. What have 
you wrought? [laughs] Camera phones 
are definitely not my favorite. 


Q5 

PLAYBOY: You've said you were an 
"annoying, loud, inappropriate, messy 
drunk." Can you tell us in what ways you 
were messy? 

RADCLIFFE: No, no, no. I've given way 
too much. It becomes painful to watch 
your personal issues that you've tried to 
be sincere about get turned into fodder 
for TV gossip shows. I was forthright 
about it, as you said, but once you start 
talking about this, that's all you talk about. 
Ican say lots of well-meaning stuff—why 
it happened and how I stopped—for 
three hours, and the headline would be 
DRUNK ON THE SET OF HARRY POTTER. So 1 
don't talk about it as much now. 


Q6 
PLAYBOY: In the new movie Victor 
Frankenstein, you play the hunchbacked 
assistant Igor. As an actor, what's the ap- 
peal of playing someone malformed? 
RADCLIFFE: It's not like, Oh great, 
how can I give myself terrible back pain 


for the next few months? It's more that 
you embrace the physical challenge. 
If you do something that puts you in 
a little bit of pain, it makes you feel as 
though you're working slightly harder 
than you normally do as an actor. I did 
the play The Cripple of Inishmaan for four 
months in London and never had any 
physical problems. Doing what I did on 
Frankenstein for three weeks was a fucker. 
There's a crick in my neck now that was 
not there before. 


Q7 

PLAYBOY: You're a small guy. Does 
your size limit the roles you can play? 
RADCLIFFE: I don't think so. Dustin 
Hoffman and Tom Cruise have very dif- 
ferent careers, and they're both about 
the same height as I am. I could play a 
soldier. The minimum height for a ma- 
rine is five feet, and I'm well above that. 
If you're asking, “Сап you play a really 
fucking tall person?" No, obviously not. 
[laughs] Can I play a black guy? For simi- 
lar reasons, no. I couldn't play something 
I wouldn't take myself seriously in. I 
wouldn't be able to take myself seriously 
as the quarterback in a football movie, 
which is my one legitimate gripe. I would 
love to be in a football movie. The only 
part I would get is the general manager. 


DUSTIN 
HOFFMAN AND 
TOM CRUISE 
ARE ABOUT THE 
SAME HEIGHT 
AS I AM. 


(02) 


Q8 

PLAYBOY: You've said that your perfor- 
mance in Harry Potter and the Order of the 
Phoenix, the fifth movie in the series, was 
your best, but you hate watching your- 
self in the sixth, The Half-Blood Prince. 
How did your best and worst perfor- 
mances come back-to-back? 
RADCLIFFE: In every movie up to the 
sixth one, you can see a big step forward 
in my acting. And then it stopped, or went 
backward maybe, in the sixth film. I really 
enjoyed my performance in the fifth—part 
of it was how much I worked with people 
like Gary Oldman and David Thewlis. On 
the sixth, I remember watching it and 
thinking, Wow, there’s been no growth. 
You're watching a mistake you made every 
day for 11 months—that’s the way I saw it. 
Ihad the idea that Harry was like a soldier 
traumatized by war, and as a result of that, 
he shuts down emotionally. That's not a 
bad idea, but it's not the most interesting 
thing to watch for two and a half hours. 


a9 
PLAYBOY: You met your girlfriend, Erin 
Darke, when you were both in the movie 
Kill Your Darlings. There’s a scene in which 
her character gives your character a blow 
job in a library. Were you already dating 
at that point? (continued on page 106) 


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t. J district into a studio, building out its rooms herself. "I 
November Rachel Нагїйїз is thats nota getso involved in my work, sweating and crawling on the 
model. She's an artist floor, that such a space is necessary. I like getting dirty." 
about her practice, haying iedattwo of Тһе idiosyncrasy of an angelic beauty looming over crude 
the country’s top art sc з. At her rst show, materials isn’t lost on her. “I’m not taken seriously most 

Rachel sold all but two of her pieces, Which are constructed ofthe time,” she says. "When I go to Home Depot to pick 

for interior spaces from industrial Materials such as con- up tools, they think I'm shopping for a boyfriend. But 

crete, wood, grout and resin. She vas only 23 at the time. — F'appreciate it, because it's empowering when I change 

"Art has always been a way for me be ini minds." As to why Rachel chose to cross mediums, from 

to challenge myself emotionally andj . behind the canvas to in front of the lens, she says, “I’ve 

“In my work you can see sensua п i been told selling yourself with your art degrades it, but I 

strongly disagree. The art world is constantly inspired by 
verted a downtown the female form. PLAYBOY is giving me the opportunity to 
"s burgeoning arts Бе represented as a public artist.” 


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PLAYBOY'S PARTY JOKES 


Аһ open letter from the citizens of Canada to 
the citizens of the United States: 

You elected George H.W. Bush; we sent you 
Celine Dion. 

You elected George W. Bush; we sent you 
Nickelback. 

You re-elected George W. Bush; we sent you 
Justin Bieber. 

Do not elect Donald Trump; you don't want 
to know what's coming next. 


А cross between Captain America and the 
Hulk would be a star-spangled Banner. 


So if we lie to the government it's a felony, but 
if they lie to us it's politics. 


А husband sent a text to his wife: "Honey, I 
got hit by a car outside the office. Tina brought 
me to the hospital. They've been taking tests 
and doing X-rays. The blow to my head was 
very strong, and it may be serious. Also, I have 
three broken ribs, a broken arm, a compound 
fracture on my left leg and they may have to 
amputate my right foot." 
His wife's response: "Who's Tina?" 


You're looking a little off today,” a man said 
to his co-worker. 

“Well, last week my wife caught me cross- 
dressing,” the co-worker replied. 

“What did you do after that?” asked the first. 

The second replied, “I packed her things 
and left.” 


Ir you switch off the light, ГП take it up the 
ass," a wife told her husband. The room went 
dark, and she let out a horrible scream. The 
husband thought to himself, Maybe I should 
have waited for the bulb to cool off first. 


Overheard at Whole Foods: “Um, I need to 
read the numbers on the barcode aloud to you. 
I don't want any lasers touching my food." 


Dating in the past 20 years: 
1995: “I made you this mixtape.” 
2005: “I made you this mix CD.” 
2015: “Here's a cell phone picture of my dick.” 


A few years after retiring, a man started to 
feel restless sitting around the house all day. 
To fill his time he decided to take an easy job 
as a greeter at Walmart. About two hours into 
his first day, a very loud, mean-spirited woman 
walked in with her two kids, yelling obsceni- 
ties at them the entire time. Remembering his 
employee training, the man said pleasantly, 
“Good morning. Nice children you have there. 
Are they twins?” 

The woman stopped yelling long enough to 
say, “Hell no, they ain’t twins. They don’t look 
alike and they ain’t even close in age. Why the 
hell would you think they’re twins? Are you 
blind or just stupid?” 

"I'm neither blind nor stupid,” the man 
answered. “I just can’t believe someone slept 
with you twice. Have a good day and thank you 
for shopping at Walmart.” 


Our friend’s doctor recently wrote him a pre- 
scription for “dailysex.” His girlfriend insists it 
says “dyslexia.” 


Аһ investigative reporter did а deep dive into 
Donald Trump's background and discovered 
his grandfather once owned a brothel. When 
reached for comment, Trump said, “Screwing 
people for money is a long family tradition." 


Ally tiwan 


Two newlyweds quickly realized their mar- 
riage wasn't working and filed for divorce. The 
judge wanted to know what the problem was. 

The husband answered, “In the seven weeks 
we've been married, we haven't been able to 
agree on a single thing.” 

The judge turned to the wife and asked, 
“Have you anything to say?” 

The wife responded, “It's been seven and a 
half weeks, Your Honor.” 


Two men were among the guests at a friend's 
bachelor party. “You know, in America one in 
20 men is gay,” the first said. “Statistically that 
means one of the guys here is homosexual. 
Which do you think it is?” 

“I hope it’s Jeff,” the second said. "He's cute.” 


Send your jokes to Playboy Party Jokes, 9346 Civic 
Center Drive, Beverly Hills, California 90210, or 
by e-mail to jokes@playboy.com. 


“Гое taken lots of medicine orally, but this is the first time I’ve taken the doctor.” 


83 


84 


МЕ den 


| [ГМ 
MI hh 
PIHANEP 


Stand out from the masses with these 
artisan-created products that have a cool 
handcrafted vibe. An unstuffy luxury shines 
through in the honest materials, adroit 
handiwork and essential details 


BY VINCENT BOUCHER 


numbers 20-odd steps, 
L ad Hatter including custom measuring, 
> Nick Fouquet is reviving steaming and pressing the 


the art of custom hatmaking shape on block forms, drying 
in L.A’s Venice Beach witha and sanding the felt—and 
bohemian style inspired by often a final distressing 
everything from gutter punks with dirt and flames, which 


to Keith Richards to the Fouquet alludes to with a 
dandy sapeurs ofthe Congo. signature matchstick tucked 
The old-school process into the hatband. 


Throttling Back 


> Roland Sands designs 
a custom rebuild ofthe 
classic full-fender Indian 
Chieftain that looks 

like athrowback to the 
1920s but comes tricked 
out with all the modern 
amenities, including 
Bluetooth, cruise control 
and navigation, for a 
superbly engineered 
ride. Part board tracker, 
part dragster and 

part café racer, this 
deconstructed two- 
wheeler is half the 
weight of a stock bike but 
offers a full measure of 
the rawness that makes 
vintage machines so 
appealing. 


Z т натат Track Chief, $125,000, rolandsands.com 


PK grill and smoker, 
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Smoking Hot 


^ 


Doheny 
eyeglasses, 
$300, raen.com 


Coming Into Frames 
А 


85 


MAN-MADE 
HANDMADE Where H's Spats Matilda’s Mike Balitsaris 


started his Pennsylvania 


W Vintage military spats company out of the back 
that once kept rain and of a VW van with tools and 
snow out of a soldier’s scrap leather. His hope 
boots are repurposed in is that his handcrafted 

this collectible duffel bag. accessories made from 
(The straps are officer belts reclaimed materials will 
attached with uniform- travel with the owner down 
collar buttons.) Waltzing other roads for a long time. 


Vintage spat duffel, $1,800, waltzingmatildausa.com 


Mover ES Shaper 


Ь Jeff McCallum went 
from shop sweeper to one 
of the most in-demand 
surfboard shapers around. 
From his base in San Diego 
he has become known for 
retro-inspired forms and 
acrisp color palette. His 
diverse design influences 
range from vintage 
Porsches to current Apple 
products—but they all 
share a no-frills sensibility. 
“Even if something is 
simple and high quality, 
the details have to be there 
too,” he has said. “It’s all 
about the details.” 


Hand-sewn Low sneakers, $520, feitdirect.com 


El Blocko turntable, $1,275 to $1,375, audiowood.com 


Burn Asain 


P Prospector Co. of Savannah, 
Georgia takes the woodsy scent 
of the forest, tempered with a 
bit of the leathery richness that 
infuses the company’s signature 
beard oil, as the base for this 


hand-poured Burroughs Flame 
candle. The vegetable-wax blend 
contains pure essential oils and 
quality fragrances produced 

in small batches. Prospector 
suggests the reusable glass 
tumbler makes a great vessel for 
whiskey sipping later on. 


On Your Feit 


4 Australian brothers 
Tull and Josh Price of 
the New York company 
FEIT (pronounced 
“feet”) describe their 
products—limited- 
production footwear 
handmade with 
vegetable-dyed leather 
from Italian tanneries— 


BURROUGHS FLAME 


PROSPECTOR со 


as “neoluxury.” Most 
styles are constructed 
from one piece; the 
Shoes conform to the 
foot for comfort, and 
because leather is 
naturally breathable, 
they can be worn 
without socks. Each 
pair comes signed and 
dated by the individual 
craftsman who built it. 


Sound (Move 


4 Down in New 
Orleans, artist and 
woodworker Joel Scilley 
crafts the Audiowood 
line of sustainably 
produced turntables 

in fine finishes such as 
macassar ebony and 
santos rosewood. His 
modernist El Blocko 
model features a Rega 
24-volt drive system and 
RB303 tonearm, a glass 
platter, a quality acrylic 
dust cover and shock- 
absorbing rubber feet. 
Because the Rega Elys 2 
cartridge comes already 
mounted and aligned, 
El Blocko takes only а 
few minutes to set up. 


Burroughs Flame 


candle (8 ounces), $35, 


prospectorco.com 


87 


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(а 77 


PRESENTS F N EW 


he craft of making things is Бас 
America, there is a new gener; 
makers who are committed to cr: g 
high-quality products by hand. Inspired 
by the authenticity of what came before them, 
these individuals are reinventing heritage and 
quality for the new age. Here, PLAYBOY teams 
up with Crown Royal to highlight four of the 
gentlemen who are leading this new high- 
quality, handcrafted movement. From custom- 
built furniture and bicycles to the perfect fit of 
denim to the most creative scoop of ice cream 
you've tasted, these are the New Royals. 


SAM MASON, 
ODD FELLOWS ICE CREAM CO. 
AND EMPIRE MAYONNAISE CO. 


Building on the success of his 
artisanal mayo company (Empire 
Mayonnaise Co.), critically 
acclaimed chef Sam Mason 
launched Odd Fellows Ice Cream 
Co. to reimagine ice cream with 
unique flavors and formulations. 
With flavors such as caramelized 
onion, chorizo caramel and extra 
virgin Olive oil, creativity and 
innovation is the name of the 
game at Mason's New York-based 
shops. “We don’t compromise 

by buying a pre-made base; we 
make everything in-house using 
only the finest ingredients,” he 
says. “People definitely notice the 
difference.” oddfellowsnyc.com 
empiremayo.com 

How do you take your whisky? 
Anywhere from on the rocks to on 
a popsicle stick. 


A ROYAL | THREE WHISKIES THAT r 
LECTION. | DEMONSTRATE THE CRAFT шша ыш a l 
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ATISHA PAULSON; MICHAEL SALVATORE : JOHN STOFFER; MATT EDDMENSON: LAURA DART; SAM MASON: MARY BETH KOETH 


снт: 


EN WILSON: LAURA ROSE; DANE STEINLI 


PHOTOGRAPHY ву STEPH! 


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Dane Steinlicht is a guy with a 
self-professed inability to work for 
anyone else, which led to the birth of 
design studio roguebuilt. Steinlicht 
and his partner, Matt Lake, draw 
inspiration for their modern furniture 
designs from the streets of Brooklyn 
and the New York design scene. 
“We are lucky to be in Brooklyn, 
where so many designers, makers 
and artists can live and work so 
closely together,” Steinlicht notes. 
roguebuilt.co 

Why do you love PLAYBOY? 

Just reading it for the articles, 

like everybody else here. 


“ITS AMAZING TO BE A PART OF A GROUP THAT TAKES 
RAW MATERIAL AND SHAPES IT INTO SOMETHING 


—DANE STEINLICHT 


Owner of Chicago-based Heritage 
Bicycles, Michael Salvatore, finds his 
creative spark from vintage handmade 
designs. A true entrepreneur, Salvatore 
has grown the Heritage brand into several 
spin-offs—all with high-quality products 
at the core. "From the long-lasting quality 
product to what you as a consumer are 
giving back to your country and the 

local economy," he says. "It is something 
any customer should be proud of." 
heritagebicycles.com 


How do you take your whisky? 
On the rocks. 


Matt Eddmenson started Nashville-based 
imogene + willie with his wife, Carrie, to 
make denim in the USA that would last 
forever. With an expert eye for fabric and 

a focus on the details, they create denim 
with the perfect fit. Eddmenson says, “A lot 
of times it's the details you'll never notice 
that make up high-quality craftsmanship. A 
really high-quality tight stitch can get me 


pretty excited. I'm such a nerd.” 

imogeneandwillie.com | 

What's the one thing people should know 

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We care. Each pair of our denim carries 
the tag MADE WITH LOVE. 


WHISKY MASTER 


Q+A WITH STEPHEN WILSON, 

CROWN ROYAL BRAND AMBASSADOR 
Tell us about 
your role as the 

„= National Brand 

Ambassador for 
Crown Royal. 
As the National 
Brand Ambassador, 
T travel across the 
country to showcase 

our rich whiskies at events and provide 

consumers and bartenders with the latest news 

from Crown Royal. Гт proud to represent a 

brand that's so deeply rooted in rich heritage 


and quality whisky production, and I love 
playing a larger part in the education of the 
liquid's history and credentials. 


What is it about the craftsmanship 
that goes into each bottle of Crown 
Royal Blended Canadian Whisky that 
gives it the unmistakable smoothness 
and signature taste? 

When British voyals King George VI and 
Queen Elizabeth embarked across the Atlantic 
on a grand tour of Canada in 1939, a special 
blend of luxurious Canadian whisky was 
commissioned in their honor. That whisky is 
now known as Crown Royal De Luxe. It all 
starts with the foundation of fresh water and 
harvest grains that make up Crown Royal's 
50 distinct, full-bodied Canadian Whiskies. 
After distillation, the whiskies are aged in 
white oak barrels before being selected at the 
peak of maturity. 


How are Crown Royal’s signature 
blends created? 

When it comes to the art of blending, we 
produce a wide variety of styles of whisky at 
Crown Royal. All of these whiskies are aged 
in white American oak, both new and refill 
barrels, which gives our blenders hundreds 
of whiskies to choose from when creating 
our signature blends. Think of a blend as 
an orchestra. The individual whiskies are 
the solo instruments, and the master blender 
acts as the conductor to create a perfectly 
balanced symphony. 


Please Drink Responsibly. 
Crown Royal Blended Canadian Whisky, 40% Alc./Vol. ©2015 The Crown Royal Company, Norwalk CT. 


(ou n Royal А 


= Produced in our distillery's Coffey Rye still, 3 This luxuriously smooth blend of 50 fine 
whiskies is crafted to meet the exacting standards 


of a king. It's excellent on the rocks or in a Buck. 


this whisky is the heart of our De Luxe blend. 
Оп its own, it's best enjoyed neat or with water. 


UTH 


OF BRADLEY 


AN OLD COUNTRY REVENGE STORY 


oy Alison hadn't killed a man in three 
years, two months and four days. 

He backed the truck next to a box ofa 
gas station, across from a cemetery, sign 
misspelled. Still a quarter tank of gas. 

Wouldn't need that much, he figured. Stepped 
down from the truck, creaked the door closed, 
half down window shaking in the hollow. 

Avalanches too small to notice, loose gravel 
under his boots, carried him to the front 
door, a hole cut into the wall, metal shelves 
and dust inside. Sunlight dulling in the air. 
Strewn with newspapers, a mat that thanked 
you for shopping. 

When Roy walked in, the man behind the 
counter stopped talking to the TV, nodded hello. 


Slight man. Arms like sticks you'd use to spit-roast , 


a squirrel. T-shirt with some saying on it, some- 
thing clever, faded now from 20 years of coin-op 
dryers, wadded in the bottom of Sunday-morning 
laundry piles. A beard that was just coming in 
patches these days. A thick clump weeding up 
under the jaw, white and black. Gray wires thin- 
ning into twists around the cheeks. Nothing now 
but something to scratch. A man who took to just 
eating the smaller catfish bones as he found them 


because, hell, why bother. A baseball cap he said 
was lucky, torn mesh in the back, raised just above 
a crown of sweat on his forehead. 

"Can't find it, lemme know, son," he chirped. 
"We ain't got it, you don't need it." 

Hanging loose over the T-shirt, a thin flan- 
nel with a pocket that no longer held anything, 
aging away at the corners, little holes where 
things used to be stitched together. The man , 
wiped nothing from his chin, a leftover habit in 
a life of leftovers, went back to the TV. 

Roy pulled a sleeve of orange crackers from 
a shelf of pine-tree air fresheners and cello- 
phaned tissues, wiped the slick dust film onto his 
pant leg. Fumbled with the edge until he'd had 
enough of fighting it, flicked open a blade most 
people never noticed, slit the plastic like skin. 

Barges of fluorescent tubes hummed above 
him, dangling in rusted metal trays, swaying for 
no reason. The same lights, the same hum he'd 
grown used to, locked up. The way you get 
used to things. The way time passes in clumps, 
then not at all. 

"Тһе door to the cooler was already lean- 
ing open, wet fog inside clear doors, where he 
might have drawn a smiley face when he was a 


FICTION BY STEVE WEDDLE 
ILLUSTRATION BY JONATHAN BARTLETT 


kid, traveling Arkansas back roads with 
his parents, before they'd died, before 
he'd spent his teenage years in jails and 
homes, before any of it. The inside fog 
now cool to the backs of his fingers, drag- 
ging along, the caked blood between his 
knuckles falling away as he wiped his 
hand on his shirt. He pulled a tall can of 
tea from the trays of bottles and cans, set 
the crackers on a shelf behind him, and 
opened the can. Took the tea, the crack- 
ers to the counter. 

The leftover man asked if that was all. 

"Got a map?" 

“А map? Of what?" 

"Of around here," Roy said, looked 
out the door. "Athens. The county." 

Тће man shook his shoulders like а 
laugh. "Ain't no map of around here I 
never heard of. Ain't no point in that." 

Roy said all right. Just the can and 
the crackers then. 

"You need to know how to get some- 
place? Going up to the lake?" 

Roy asked what lake. 

"Shady Lake. Few miles back. For the 
camping. Fishing. Nobody comes in 
here less I know them what ain't going 
up to the camping and fishing. Course, 
Greeson ain't far neither." 

Roy said he wasn't going camping, 
slid a hand into his front pocket against 
his grandfather's cuff links, round 
enamel fragments of home, of his 
grandparents together decades back. 
Roy took a breath, waited. 

“Just passing through?" the man 
asked, waking up a little, getting that 
quick look on his face, the look Roy 
hadn't gotten used to. The one where 
they're trying to figure out whether to 
wait until you leave to call the cops or 
just shoot you right there. 

"Supposed to help a man. A Mr. 
Rudd," Roy said, figuring he had to say 
more, had to give the man something to 
hold on to, something to believe, even the 
truth. "My uncle set me up with a job." 

"That right?" the man asked, the 
name Rudd sticking. 

Roy nodded. Said it was construction. 
Said he didn't have all the details. Kind of 
a last-minute thing, he said, explaining. 

"Can't say I know any, what did you 
say the name was again?" the man 
asked, overplaying it. 

“Rudd,” Roy said again. “Old Bridge.” 

"Nope. No Rudds I know of. Might try 
up to Mena. Lotta folks up that way." 

Roy said he would, took his change, 
walked back into the outside as the man 
reached for the phone. 


Roy found the sign that said OLD BRIDGE 
and twisted the steering wheel to the 
right, turned the truck down the dirt 
road, flat with chicken farms on the left, 
a ridge up on the right, houses drift- 
ing couches and childless toys into the 
yards, car husks piling, collecting in 
browning clusters. 


Тһе road rutted so that you'd find 
yourself in a deep scar, testing the 
axles to pull out, the road pocked with 
gravel, last year's beer cans bent and 
torn, gathering rain in the ditches, and 
the sharp, quick, routine pops under 
the tires, like shards of a widow's crys- 
tal lamp that had gotten used to the 
breaking. Everything cut through with 
CCC roads, fire roads, log runs. Every 
so often an old storm-dropped oak 
nobody'd bothered to clear, lying there, 
waiting for coons and foxes, flaking 
kindling back into the earth. 

Roy pulled in to the right, drove 
past the mailbox, a thin, flat gray 
from a black-and-white photograph, 
leaning into the road. The gray box, 
flagless, each number a sun-fade from 
a long-lost sticker, a faint scab of dirt, 
a suggestion. Ап address no one much 


ROY COUNTED THE 
SECONDS ТО HIS GUN ON 
THE TABLE, THE LOOSE 
BULLETS ROLLING BACK 
AND FORTH AGAINST 
NOTHING BUT GRAVITY. 


needed anymore. Everything coming 
Current Resident or not coming at all. 

He eased past chicken houses, aimed 
the truck upwind. Roy got to a gate, 
slowed the tires over the rusted-pipe cat- 
tle grate, gears dropping into the hill, 
the rise to the house that once looked 
out over something worth seeing. 

At the top of the hill, he climbed out 
of the truck, seat springs coming back 
up as he lifted, door easing shut. He 
stood for a second, heard the whirry 
congalee of a red-winged blackbird from 
the edge of the field, the female chit- 
chitting in response. He stood next to 
the only other car around, a little red 
foreign thing, community college sticker 
in the back window, graduation tassel 
hanging from the mirror. Backseat, a 
spread pile of CDs, like a deck of cards 
spilled across the floor on some other 
family’s game night. 

His grandmother had tried, he knew, 
after his folks had died. In between 
his six months here, nine to 12 there. 
The gap between them too great some- 
times. The everything between them. 
His returning to stay with her, his ask- 
ing about his grandfather. His mother’s 
father. The everything being tied up in 
that. The piece of family out there. The 
not knowing. The questions that didn’t 
have any answers but the looking for 


brought out. The needing to know. The 
other gaps—his parents gone, the years 
after gone—all holes that don’t take any 
filling. Like that movie he’d seen as a 
kid, that opening straight through the 
earth, through the heart and clear out 
the other side into the nothing of space. 
But this, his grandfather, the closing off 
of this, the man who'd done it. Boards 
across that gap. That hole. This was 
something that could be done. Not the 
staring down the hole into the nothing. 
But a doing. An ending to a thing. A 
sealing off, smoothing the earth after. 

Roy Alison turned his neck till it 
popped, twisted his spine, shoulders, 
palmed someone else's pistol in his back 
pocket and moved to the house. 

The front porch, falling into the land 
around it in chunks. The steps, pieced 
together with yard-found stones and 
cinder blocks, porch planks coming 
to jagged ends where someone, years 
back, stepped a boot too heavy. 

He moved up uncertain steps to the 
door as it opened, a woman in doctor's 
office florals looking at him. 

She asked was there something she 
could do for him. 

He said he needed to talk to Franklin 
Rudd. “Не available?" 

She asked what was this about. 

“Му grandpa," Roy said. “Му mom's 
dad. Moses Tomlin. Everybody called 
him Doc.” 

“Why’s that?” the nurse asked. 

"I don't know,” he said, not expecting 
to get into this right now. 

"Anybody know?" 

“Nobody Гуе asked.” 

“Got to be a reason,” the nurse went 
on, neck skin tightening, loosening, a 
map of rivers and roads no one much 
traveled now. “Don’t just make up 
names for people, you know.” 

“It's just his name. What people 
called him. Doesn’t mean anything.” 

“Names mean something, sweetie. 
Everything means something, 'specially 
what they call you. Maybe he saved 
someone. When they were young," the 
nurse said, starting to nod. "Maybe 
your grandpa and some kids were 
doing something, one of them gets 
hurt, your grandpa saves them. Busted 
arm. Snakebite. Something like that." 

Roy said sure, that seemed fine. 

'The nurse nodded, seemed to feel 
better. "So, you're here to see Mr. 
Rudd. You the one Elwin up the store 
called about." 

"Maybe so, yeah." 

"Will he know what this is in 
regards to?" 

"He should," Roy said, looking past 
her and into the darkness. "I need to 
kill him." 


Wasn't interested in leaving, she said. 
Paid until nine that night. She said if 
she left before ^ (continued on page 110) 


“Roger, are you trying to tell me something about your plans for later this evening?" 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY 
SASHA 
EISENMAN 


and its changing fo 
but we much prefer to enjoy the season's autumna 
hues indoors with auburn angels Dominique Jane 
and Gia Marie. So pour yourself a warm 
bourbon, stoke the fire and settle in 


We have nothing against fa 


ізде, 


PLAYBOY 


102 


WHO IS THIS MAN AND 
WHAT HAS HE DONE TO BOXING? 


Continued from page 66 


memory and the biggest pay-per-view 
prizefight in history, did only 4.4 million 
PPV buys. “We used to be the number 
one sport,” explains former HBO boxing 
czar Lou DiBella, now a New York City- 
based promoter. “Now on major sports 
websites boxing isn’t even at the top of 
the ticker. It’s listed under ‘other’ like 
billiards and sportfishing.” 

This is not to say boxing is dying. 
Clearly the $400 million Mayweather- 
Pacman haul proves that. Nor is it to 
say the industry is replete with dolts 
and crooks. Promoter Bob Arum of Top 
Rank is as smart and shrewd as any exec- 
utive in professional sports. HBO and 
Showtime have long carried the sport on 
their backs, helping to build stars from 
Julio César Chavez and Evander Holy- 
field to Oscar De La Hoya and Floyd 
Mayweather. But boxing isn’t healthy. 
“For decades the entire model has been 
driven toward a few promoters and one 
or two networks,” says Luis “Lou” Fer- 
rer, who spent nearly 10 years (2004 to 
2013) at HBO boxing before landing at 
NBC Sports as director of programming 
acquisitions. "They've been siphoning off 
every bit of profit for themselves, even 
though it meant shrinking the fan base 
and driving down viewership.” 

Solutions are no secret: Ditch the 
dizzying alphabet soup of sanctioning 
bodies (WBO, WBC, IBF, WBA). Reduce 
the number of weight classes (currently 
17). End the greed, petty infighting, 
personal grudges and cronyism that 
have churned out too many crappy 
fights and put the kibosh on countless 
others that fans wanted to see. Put on 
fewer PPV cards. The loudest rallying 
cry of all? Bring boxing back to network 
television. “You can’t grow a sport or 
an industry through PPV or premium 
cable,” says DiBella. 

Understandably, HBO and Showtime 
have little interest in boxing’s return to 
network television because it represents 
competition. The promoters and manag- 
ers didn’t put up a fight because cable 
and PPV meant better money with less 
hassle. No one with any clout in boxing 
has done anything to remedy the stag- 
nation until now. “I wasn’t surprised 
about PBC’s deal with NBC,” says Duva, 


hinting that Haymon absconded with her 
own NBC deal, a three-year contract that 
aired 20 shows, none of which were in 
prime time. “But I was surprised he was 
dealing with so many networks.” 


It is the spring of 1973 and all is good 
in Al Haymon’s world. He calls East 
Cleveland home, three square miles of 
integrated working-class folks where 
houses are kept up and kids play in the 
streets. On the radio, the O’Jays, the 
Spinners and the Ohio Players groove 
about girls, cars and neighborhood 
pride. The previous November Hay- 
mon sat in the Cleveland Arena and 
watched hundreds of fans cheering for 
his older brother Bobby, a professional 
prizefighter, as he won his 18th bout. 
And that fall Al would be heading to 
Harvard. From his John Adams High 
School senior yearbook photo you can 
tell he’s ready. It isn’t the afro or the 
stylish wide-collared shirt but his cool 
Mona Lisa grin, behind which he seems 
to be saying, “That's right, motherfuck- 
ers, bring it on.” 

Bring it he did. By the late 1980s he 
was promoting Top 100, R&B and jazz acts 
from Luther Vandross and Patti LaBelle to 
Stanley Clarke and Freddie Jackson. “Was 
he a nice guy? He was a businessman. I 
don’t know many nice businessmen,” says 
the O'Jays' Walter Williams with a laugh. 
“But he treated people good, made con- 
nections with promoters in different areas 
and took us all over the U.S. I have mad 
respect for him.” 

The big time didn’t translate to life in 
the fast lane. “We worked out of his house 
in Newton, Massachusetts,” explains 
Arlan Little, hired by Haymon in the 
mid-1980s. “He was like James Brown, 
the hardest-working man in show busi- 
ness.” When not living out of a suitcase, 
Haymon led a low-key life. No lavish din- 
ners. He didn’t drink, smoke or hit the 
postconcert parties he threw when his 
acts played in Boston. Blowing off steam 
meant playing pickup hoops on the Har- 
vard campus. “He was quiet, never rude,” 
says Little. “He even let me practice for 
my road test with his BMW.” 

Haymon dove into boxing after 
watching a fighter who reminded him 
of his brother. Welterweight Vernon 
“the Viper” Forrest was just like Bobby: 
the same weight class, the same soft- 
spoken demeanor and the same sort of 
problems. Earlier in his career, Bobby 
Haymon had been mismanaged. In 
2002, Forrest, looking to get out of an 
unfavorable contract, sought Haymon’s 
help. Following back-to-back victories 
over “Sugar” Shane Mosley, Haymon 
got the Viper a six-fight deal at HBO. 

Two men hitting each other onstage 
may seem a far cry from Motown, but 
Haymon saw similarities. “Al has told me 
about his love of the sport,” says Stephen 
Espinoza, executive vice president and 
general manager of Showtime Sports. 


“But he also has the desire to protect 
these artists and fighters. He’s seen how 
many participants get exploited.” 

There’s not a person in the boxing 
business who has taken better financial 
care of fighters. Most managers take 
33 percent; some take more. Haymon 
reportedly takes only 10 to 15 percent. 
Word is he doesn’t take a cut for a box- 
er’s first bout after signing nor for any 
fight under $100,000. He has never 
been accused of stealing or impropriety. 
If there has been a consistent complaint 
over the years, it’s that Haymon’s clients 
are overpaid—at the expense of net- 
work budgets and a fair market value. 
“People were upset when they read how 
much I was making for fights,” says for- 
mer welterweight champ Andre Berto, 
who signed with Haymon in 2006. “But 
promoters and managers aren’t throw- 
ing any punches. Why be upset with a 
man risking his life?” 

Those closest to Haymon will attest that 
it's not only about the benjamins. Berto 
knows this better than most. He first got 
a call from Haymon in 2005. The fighter 
was happy with promoter Lou DiBella 
and told Haymon he wasn't in the mar- 
ket for a manager. "But then we started 
talking almost every day for eight or nine 
months," explains Berto. "Not boxing. It 
wasn't a sales pitch. We spoke about life, 
the real world." 

Over time the Haitian American 
fighter discovered that Haymon hadn't 
changed much from the mid-1980s. He 
still worked out of his house in Massa- 
chusetts. He never took vacations; he 
got his highs "making things happen." 
No bags of cash. No flash. Loyal to a 
fault, his core staff —Sam Watson, Sylvia 
Browne, Brad Owens—had been with 
him for decades. The most important 
person in Haymon's life? Not May- 
weather but Emma Lou, his mother. 
He regularly took her to church and 
brought her grocery shopping with all 
her coupons—miles away in Cleveland, 
where she lived. 

Isit an act? Maybe Haymon is secretly 
mimicking fellow John Adams High 
School alum (class of 1951) Don King. 
Just speak to Paul Williams, the former 
middleweight champ who was paralyzed 
in a 2012 motorcycle accident. "Al was 
there from day one, calling every day," 
says Williams. “I can't make money for 
him anymore, but he still pushes me, 
motivates me, wants to see me make 
something for myself." Or ask Léo Santa 
Cruz, the undefeated Mexican brawler 
who named his second son Al in homage 
to Haymon. Or look at his record. In a 
sport where fighters change managers 
and promoters as often as they do gyms, 
Гуе heard of only two boxers who have 
parted ways with Haymon: junior wel- 
terweight Lucas Matthysse, who opted 
to remain with Golden Boy, and Andre 
Dirrell, who thought the grass would 
be greener with 50 Cent, only to call it 
"the biggest mistake" of his life. What 


Feelings And Sensations 


Wow! VANE HAVING HY FARTHER, 


Ç GROWING TOGETHER, 
HEAR ME, SHARING 


: TAKING ABOUT EVERYTHING 
EVERYTHING TOGETHER, LAUGHING... 
WITA HM 


НИН, HE Tool 
THiS TRUG OF 
PANG Мр, 


SURE, MONEY! iF You, 
WAIT TW X FINISH MY 
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103 


PLAYBOY 


104 


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did Haymon do? Exactly what Keyser Sóze 
wouldn't have done: He took Dirrell back. 


"Throw some fucking punches! You look 
like amateurs!" 

Tm at another July fight night courtesy 
of PBC, this time at Pearl Concert Theater, 
an intimate eggshell of a venue at the Palms 
casino in Las Vegas. In the co-feature of this 
NBCSN show, a pair of uninspired cruiser- 
weights reluctantly paw at each other as if 
they have better places to be. There are 
maybe 1,000 people on hand suffering, and 
Tim Smith tells me once again that Al Hay- 
mon is not among them. 

Yet perched ringside I spy Floyd May- 
weather, tonight's promoter of record 
and a fighter without whom PBC may 
never have come to be. Haymon, May- 
weather and Mayweather's longtime 
manager, Leonard Ellerbe, first crossed 
paths in Atlantic City in 2005. "In the 
early 1980s, my favorite DJ, Catfish May- 
field, used to always talk about Al,” says 
Ellerbe, who was living in Northeast D.C. 
at the time. "He was one of the biggest 
concert promoters ever." Mayweather, 
who in those days was signed to a multi- 
year deal with Top Rank, felt he wasn't 
getting the fights—and paydays—worthy 
of his potential. Haymon, armed with a 
Harvard MBA, had promoted the likes of 
Whitney Houston, Eddie Murphy (his Raw 
tour) and Michael Jackson. He'd helped 
create the legendary Budweiser Super- 
fest concert series. He was a razor-sharp, 
straight-talking, successful black man who 
was serving as a consigliere to young fight- 
ers including Jermain Taylor and Chris 
Arreola. “We hit it off out of the gate,” says 
Ellerbe. “And it was the best move Floyd 
ever made in his career.” 

In 2006, with Haymon in his ear, May- 
weather forked over $750,000 to buy 
out his Top Rank contract and become, 
essentially, a free agent. He’d be able to 
negotiate with networks and promoters (or 
promote himself) on a fight-to-fight basis. 
It was a gamble; if Mayweather stank, he 
would lose out on the guaranteed Top 
Rank money. But if he lived up to his tal- 
ent, he could become a very rich man. A 
year after he left Top Rank, Mayweather 
pocketed $25 million for a fight against 
Oscar De La Hoya, and over the next 
eight years he generated a billion dollars 
in PPV revenue. The Money Mayweather 
industry was born. 

Meanwhile, Haymon was using a cozy 
relationship with then HBO boxing exec 
Kery Davis to turn the network into a 
pipeline for his growing stable of fight- 
ers. And after two decades in the music 
business, Haymon knew his side of the 
bargaining table. “He was the toughest 
negotiator I’ve ever been around,” says 
Ferrer. “He always delivered what he said 
he was going to, but he also used every bit 
of leverage he could to get his clients the 
best deals. He was the epitome of what 
we call in the legal world a zealous адуо- 
cate.” Another TV executive (who asked 
to remain anonymous) tells of Haymon 
dishing out the leverage. “Al wanted us 


to do a fight with Sakio Bika,” says the 
exec. Bika was a mediocre, bland super- 
middleweight, the boxing equivalent of a 
Marlins-Padres game. Naturally, the TV 
exec balked. “Al shook his head and said, 
“Well, that’s not going to make Floyd very 
happy..." 

At some point Haymon dreamed up 
PBC, a plan that relied on two key com- 
ponents: One, secrecy. If word leaked, 
there would be a line of people looking to 
derail the venture. Two, boatloads of cash. 
PBC couldn't use the standard model in 
which TV networks pay a licensing fee for 
sports programming à la the NFL, MLB, 
UFC, etc. That ship had long since sailed 
for boxing. Instead, Haymon would turn 
the traditional model on its head: He was 
going to pay the networks to air PBC. 

By 2013 he was signing fighters the way 
Mayweather buys cars, and the money, 
nearly half a billion dollars, was provided 
by Waddell & Reed, a $40 billion fund that 
had already sunk $1.5 billion into Formula 
One. A huge gamble? Yes. A potentially 
massive upside? Without question. With 
DVRs and video-on-demand undermining 
advertising, live sports have become a pre- 
cious commodity. In 2011, Fox coughed 
up a reported $100 million a year for the 
UFC. The next fall, NBC paid $250 mil- 
lion for a three-year deal to air England's 
Premier League. Haymon's goal wasn't to 
sell a few ads or attract a sponsor or two. 
He was thinking much bigger. "This is a 
long play, a multiyear endeavor," explains 
DiBella. "Al's attempting to brand some- 
thing, to create a new audience with a 
consistent, reliable product." 

On March 7, Premier Boxing Champions 
debuted on NBC prime time from the 
MGM Grand Garden Arena in Las Vegas. 
Тһе card featured Thurman and flashy 
Cincinnati native Adrien Broner. Although 
both fighters collected earned decisions, 
the biggest winner that night was PBC. 
Luring an average of 3.4 million viewers 
(according to Nielsen), it was the most- 
watched pro-boxing telecast since Oscar 
De La Hoya's Fight Night on Fox averaged 
5.9 million viewers 17 years ago, on March 
23, 1998. Over the next four months, 12 
more PBC shows aired—and the series had 
yet to launch on Fox Sports or Bounce. 

The haters came out in droves. Some 
targeted Haymon professionally: Al is 
undermining the industry by paying for 
airtime. He has historically put on shitty 
fights and is continuing to do so. He's 
not taking time or resources to build 
up young fighters. He's cannibalizing 
the sport. He's staging too many fights. 
Тһе ratings suck. "He's turning this into 
a sports property?" says Duva. "I think 
the end game is simply to bilk investors." 
Other vitriol got personal. Why doesn't 
he ever speak to the media? Why is he so 
secretive? Why would he leave the music 
business if he hadn't been up to no good? 
What's he hiding? 

The hating on the professional side is 
a mixed bag, some crazy, some legit, but 
for the majority, it's too soon to tell. The 
most valid gripe? The fights themselves. 
Throughout 2014, Haymon fighters 


appeared іп а plethora of duds. But when 
the news of PBC broke, it made sense: Hay- 
mon was saving the quality matchups for his 
own series. PBC bouts so far? Some fights 
that looked fantastic on paper (Adrien Bro- 
ner vs. Shawn Porter, Danny “Swift” García 
vs. Lamont Peterson) underwhelmed, while 
others, such as the stunning knockout of 
champion Marco Huck that aired on Spike 
ТУ, have been surprises. 

As for the personal attacks, Mayweather's 
manager doesn't think it's about business. 
"It's 100 percent about race,” says Ellerbe. 
“There's all this criticism because he's a 
successful African American. That intimi- 
dates people. There's a lot of jealousy. If 
Al was a white male you wouldn't hear any 
of this." He has a point. There was once 
a white CEO, an extraordinarily private 
man who never spoke to the media and 
sought to both revolutionize and dominate 
his industry. But this man was seen аза 
visionary. His name was Steve Jobs. 

This spring the smack talk turned to 
legalese. In May, De La Hoya and his 
Golden Boy Promotions filed a $300 mil- 
lion lawsuit against Haymon and PBC, 
alleging it violates the Muhammad Ali 
Boxing Reform Act, which prohibits 
managers from acting as promoters. In 
July, Top Rank's Arum jumped in, seek- 
ing $100 million in damages and citing 
both the Ali Act and the Sherman Anti- 
trust Act. Perhaps their allegations have 
merit. Or maybe they just want to rat- 
tle Haymon's investors and force him to 
reveal himself in a deposition. The irony 
is unavoidable: The promoters' lawsuits 
are based on the Ali Act, legislation meant 
to protect fighters, but not a single fighter 
is suing Haymon. 


Al Haymon is here, right now, on this 
August Saturday night at Barclays Cen- 
ter in Brooklyn. Tonight is ESPN's second 
PBC card, featuring the unblemished Gar- 
cía (30-0, 17 KOs) taking on local scrapper 
and Showtime color analyst Paulie "Magic 
Man" Malignaggi (33-6, 7 KOs). Haymon 
is hanging around the locker rooms in 
his standard dark suit, dark tie and white 
shirt, with his standard old-school flip 
phone, watching the fights on a closed- 
circuit TV. So I am told. I haven't yet seen 
Haymon myself. No one is eager to let me 
near him. 

Гуе never been to the Nets' home arena 
before, but much feels familiar tonight. 
Same Wall of Thunder. Same high-tech 
lighting, same thumping sound system. As 
always, there are no ring card girls, no men- 
tion of sanctioning bodies and their belts, no 
entourages trailing a fighter into the ring. 
For boxing diehards watching on TV or sit- 
ting among the 7,200 spectators, there is no 
question this is a PBC show. And that is an 
essential part of Haymon's grand experi- 
ment: quality, consistency, reliability. 

And an experiment it is. The PBC might 
not work. "It fails if the damage to boxing 
is already too deep," says Ferrer. If the bad 
decisions and mismatches and squandered 
fights and watered-down weight classes 
and never-heard-of titles have finally left a 


permanent bad taste in people's mouths, 
then the sweet science may never again catch 
on. Period. Haymon will have nothing to be 
ashamed of. "You can't be afraid to fail," says 
Ellerbe. "If you never try, it can't happen." 

But it might succeed. To pull it off, for 
PBC to not just survive but thrive, requires 
more than a high-def video board and 
Marv Albert calling the action. "Boxing is 
all about stars," says NBC Sports president 
Jon Miller. PBC has its share of poten- 
tial household names—Thurman, Porter, 
García—but none bigger than heavyweight 
Deontay Wilder (34-0, 33 KOs). The big 
men still attract the boldest numbers, and 
the six-foot-seven 2008 Olympic bronze 
medalist has the best odds to fill the void left 
by the soon-retiring Money Mayweather. 
"Deontay is as dynamic a personality as I've 
seen in a long time," says Miller. 

PBC will also need a little luck. A few 
good matchups must turn into mind- 
blowing sagas, fights so electrifying they 
seep into mainstream headlines: trilogies 
like those of Arturo Gatti and Micky Ward, 
Erik Morales and Marco Antonio Barrera, 
or the still talked-about 2005 epic between 
Diego Corrales and José Luis Castillo. РВС 
may have found its gold in Léo Santa Cruz 
and Abner Mares, who delivered a 12-round 
brawl and brought in an average of 1.2 mil- 
lion viewers, the largest boxing audience 
ESPN has pulled since 1998. 

Lastly, Haymon must make competitive 
fights. Fights that fans want to see. Danger- 
ous fights. This may be, in the long run, the 
PBC founder's toughest task. Since start- 
ing out, Haymon has sought to do best by 
his boxers. Pay them. Protect them. Some- 
times overprotect them. But the great—and 
sometimes tragic—paradox of boxing is that 
what's best for the athlete is often not best 
for the sport. 

The sport does not suffer tonight at Bar- 
clays Center. Both undercard fighters score 
first-round knockdowns, but a leg injury 
ends the potential barn burner in the sec- 
ond. In the main event, Malignaggi, who has 
always compensated with heart for what he 
lacks in punching power, takes it to Garcia 
for the first five rounds. But the 34-year- 
old has been hinting at retirement, and in 
the seventh and eighth rounds that looks 
more and more like a good idea. The fight 
is stopped in the ninth. 

As Garcia’s arm is raised, I rush down 
to a hallway entrance. This is the main 
artery into and out of the dressing rooms 
and where I will catch, I hope, my first in- 
person glimpse of Al Haymon. I wait. Ten 
minutes. Fifteen minutes. People stream 
past, none of them my subject. Finally I 
get word that Haymon has left the prem- 
ises. That doesn’t surprise me. Before I 
make for the exit, I notice Malignaggi, 
face swollen but smiling, heading toward 
the locker rooms. He stops momentarily 
when he sees Ron Rizzo, a vice president at 
DiBella Entertainment and a longtime box- 
ing acquaintance. The two men hug. “The 
ride’s over, Riz,” says Malignaggi. 

Perhaps his ride. But for boxing, the real 
ride is just beginning. 


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liberator.com 105 


PLAYBOY 


DANIEL RADCLIFFE 


Continued from page 70 


RADCLIFFE: No. That’s a wonderful record 
of us flirting for the first time. There’s no 
acting going on—not from my end, any- 
way. There’s a moment when she makes 
me laugh, and I’m laughing as me and not 
as my character. She was incredibly funny 
and smart. I knew I was in trouble. 


910 

PLAYBOY: How did her father епа up tell- 
ing the press that you weren't engaged to 
his daughter? 

RADCLIFFE: When І visited her home last 
Christmas, there was a media storm in 
Michigan. We were sitting in her dad's living 
room, and the phone rang. Her dad said, 
"Um, it's the Detroit Free Press." They were 
calling about a rumor that we had gone 
there to get married on the shores of Lake 
Michigan. What was great was they got his 
number because he's a subscriber. [laughs] 
I suddenly had that moment of, Oh, my 
weird life is now impacting your life. I felt 
really bad. Wonderfully, they found it funny. 
I have to say, I don't normally read articles 
about me, but I read all ofthem because they 
were so nice. "He ate at a Bob Evans! He 
bought a T-shirt in downtown Flint!" These 
journalists in Michigan were so happy that I 
had a nice time there. Normally I deal with 
the British tabloids, so this was the sweetest 
media thing that ever happened to me. 


QU 

PLAYBOY: Gary Oldman did a Playboy 
Interview last year in which he said, “Daniel 
Radcliffe, now he's got fuck-you money.” 
Have you experienced resentment on sets 
about your success? 

RADCLIFFE: Gary introduced me to that ex- 
pression. When I did my first non-Potter 
film, December Boys, 1 became good friends 
with one of the makeup and hair teams. Af- 
ter а few weeks, I said, “So, honestly, what 
did you expect when you were going to get 
те?” And they said, “We thought you were 
going to be a dick.” Because that's the notion 
people have in their heads of child stars. Peo- 
ple expect me to be an absolute asshole. And 
when I'm not, that always plays in my favor. 


Q12 
PLAYBOY: People expect child stars to be 
dicks because so many of them are. What 
has been different about your experience? 
RADCLIFFE: The most underrated way 1 and 
all the producers on Potter got lucky was that 


106 I fucking loved the work. I've seen kids оп 


set who are bored, and I'm like, “What are 
you doing? This is the best place on Earth.” I 
loved it from the word go. I loved being on set. 
I loved the hours. I loved the people. I loved 
the crazy, weird shit 1 got to do every day. Act- 
ing was the focus for me, and I wasn't going 
to do anything to jeopardize being an actor. 


Q13 

PLAYBOY: You've focused mainly on low- 
budget independent films since playing 
Potter. Will people ever not think of you 
as Harry? 

RADCLIFFE: One of the positive by-products 
of celebrity culture for actors like me 
who've been stuck with one character for a 
long time is the opportunity for people to 
get to know me. I don't think Mark Hamill, 
for example, had the same opportunities 
for people to get to know him. When I 
went on Jimmy Fallon and rapped a Blacka- 
licious song, I got a job off that—playing 
Sam Houser in Game Changer the movie 
about Grand Theft Auto. It made the guy in 
charge go, “Oh, he's interested in hip-hop. 
He's not just a typical posh white boy.” 


014 

PLAYBOY: What was the last thing you 
googled? 

RADCLIFFE: This is slightly embarrassing, 
because I referenced it earlier in our con- 
versation, and it looked like a piece of in- 
formation I knew: the minimum height for 
a marine. I was reading a script where I 
would be playing somebody who says he's 
a marine, so I was like, Oh, I'll look that 
up. Most of my googling and internet- 
ting is spent on NFL.com, Deadspin and 
other sports websites. I foisted it on my 
girlfriend, and now when I'm away it helps 
her not miss me if she looks at Deadspin. 


015 
PLAYBOY: You spent all your teenage years 
making the Натту Potter movies. For most 
teenage boys, their lives revolve around 
finding a chance to masturbate. Is there 
time for that on a movie set? 

RADCLIFFE: Yeah, I was like every other teen- 
ager in that sense. My favorite line about 
masturbation is Louis C.K.'s, something like 
“I found out about it when I was 11, and 
I didn't skip a day.” I think I started very 
early—before my teens. But not when I was 
on set. I wasn't going, When is Alan Rick- 
man going to nail this scene so I can run 
back to my trailer? There's another feeling, 
again perfectly described by Louis C.K.: 
that fear just after you've jerked off that ev- 
eryone knows what you did. It would have 
been embarrassing to walk back on set and 
look the dignitaries of British acting royalty 
in the eye, knowing what I'd been doing. 


Q16 

PLAYBOY: You're an atheist, but you also 
identify as a Jew. What was the last Jewish. 
thing you did? 

RADCLIFFE: The last Jewish thing I did was vis- 
it my grandmother. [laughs] Does that count? 
Му mum’s Jewish; my dad is Protestant. We 
were terrible Jews. I grew up with Christmas 
trees. We eat bacon. My grandmother is ko- 
sher, but she's polite before she's kosher. If 


she goes to someone else's house and they 
cook bacon, she'll be like, ^I don't want to 
make a fuss.” Maybe she's not polite—maybe 
she secretly really wants bacon. 


017 

PLAYBOY: When you were doing Equus on 
Broadway, you were naked for much of the 
play. Did you do any fluffing? 

RADCLIFFE: Dude, there was no opportunity 
for fluffing. I was onstage for the entire show, 
and I ran around naked for 10 minutes in a 
scene that’s about sexual failure and horse 
blinding. But Гуе heard stories about actors 
putting an elastic band around their dick. If 
you wank and then put elastic around the 
base of it, it keeps the blood in there, and 
then you whip it off and go onstage. I would 
have had to do it an hour and a half in ad- 
vance. I’m pretty sure I would have castrated 
myself. I was shit-scared and 17 when I did 
Equus, which is the age when you're most self- 
conscious. And I was very aware that a cer- 
tain percentage of that audience was coming 
to look at my dick every night. Looking back, 
that was mental. I have a lot of respect for my- 
self for having the balls to do it, so to speak. 


018 

PLAYBOY: You're an only child, and you've 
said you want to have lots of kids. Was your 
childhood lonely? 

RADCLIFFE: Not at all. You mature so much 
quicker—I became amazingly good at еп- 
tertaining myself. For selfish reasons, I 
like the idea of lots of kids. I want a sort of 
Ocean's Eleven of children. 


Q19 

PLAYBOY: They're going to rob a casino? 
RADCLIFFE: And the Asian one's going to be 
flexible and a great gymnast. [laughs] It would 
be great if I could raise enough kids to do that. 
You can probably do that with fewer than 11 
if you start their training early enough. 


Q20 

PLAYBOY: You're 26, which means you've 
been famous for more than half your life. 
Do strangers feel they've known you since 
childhood? 

RADCLIFFE: Getting recognized on the street. 
teaches you that most people are polite and 
nice and just want a quick picture. Then you 
get an occasional asshole. Normally they're 
drunk. The assholes want a picture as well, 
but they want to be an asshole as they take 
the picture with you. They'll start off, "Just so 
you know, I never really liked the Harry Potter 
movies." Thanks, dickhead; that's 10 fucking 
years of my life. One time, a girl came up to 
me and said, “Could I have a picture?" I said, 
"Yeah, sure, if you want to." And she goes, 
"Well, I wouldn't have asked if I didn't want 
to." What the fuck? [laughs] And of course, 
me being me, I'm just like, "Sorry, that's silly 
of me." Then she walks off and Erin says to 
me, "That girl was a dick to you. You don't 
have to be nice if someone's rude.” But Pm 
better at saying no than [Potter co-star] Rupert 
Grint. He ended up going back to a fan's 
house because he couldn't say no to anything 
they asked. That's when it's gone too far. 


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PLAYBOY 


108 


"At this point Id like to suggest the entry of a nontraditional alien native.” 


CHRISTOPH WALTZ 


Continued from page 48 


WALTZ: The U.S. was better than my idea ofit. 
T'd quit school prematurely—or overduely— 
and felt I needed more training to widen 
my scope a bit. So I came here and trained 
with Lee Strasberg, who was great, and also 
with Stella Adler, which was the one crucial, 
eye-opening, pivotal 


pleasurable for the duration of the party, 
but the next morning the hangover most 
likely leaves you inoperable for the rest of 
the day. Fame and success can leave you 
dealing with a hangover where maturity is 
required. If you don't have that, then you 
have a problem. 

PLAYBOY: Have you experienced your fame 
as an aphrodisiac to strangers or even to 
old friends? 

WALTZ: I'm impermeable to stuff like that, 
which doesn't mean I don't notice it. I still 
have the initiative in a way, so I deal with it 
by taking a step back. There's another reac- 
tion, though, which is a very German thing, 
where people take the attitude "Well, m not 
going to be one of those people sucking up 
to him." All ofa sudden, you'll be confronted 
or challenged. I am confrontational only 


was empty, and I noticed that on the other 
side of Keaton's star was Peter Lorre's. I jok- 
ingly said, "Oh, that one between Keaton 
and Lorre, that's got to be my star." I don't 
really walk down Hollywood Boulevard ev- 
ery day, you know, but the next time I came 
across it, the star was taken. That was my star. 
PLAYBOY: At least the star you eventually got 
isin front of Hollywood's oldest restaurant. 
WALTZ: Musso & Frank Grill is my favor- 
ite restaurant in L.A., so I'm quite happy 
with that. Charlie Chaplin and Douglas 
Fairbanks would race there on their horses 
from opposite directions, and whoever lost 
the race picked up the tab. Chaplin and 
Fairbanks sat at the only window table be- 
cause they needed to keep an eye on their 
horses outside. You feel that history there. 
PLAYBOY: In the grand tradition of Hol- 
lywood restaurants 


experience in all my 
training. With Stella 
a world opened up 
for me. Even then in 
New York, though, I 
had the feeling I was 
witnessing the begin- 
ning of the end of an 
era, of a culture, of 
a city. When you go 
to New York today, 
there's almost noth- 
ing of that world left. 
PLAYBOY: Did you 
visit Los Angeles 
back then? 

WALTZ: Once, briefly. 
I wanted to see the 
movie capital of the 
world. On the flight 
over I was running 
a high fever and 
was sick as a dog, 
but I refused to lie 
in some hotel room 
bed. I drifted along 
to Disneyland. If I 
hadn't been sick be- 
fore I went, I would 
have been after that. 
Seeing the merchan- 
dising side of enter- 
tainment taken to 
such an extreme im- 
pressed me. My sensi- 
tive European nerves 
couldn't take it. 
PLAYBOY: What would 
have happened to your sensitive European 
nerves if your big successes had started in. 
your 205 or 305 instead of in your 5052 
WALTZ: Га like to believe it would not have 
affected me too negatively, but how could 
it not? I would like to believe it would've 
given me great opportunities early on and 
facilitated development that is only pos- 
sible in your 20s and 30s, but it is what it 
is. In a way I'm quite grateful to experi- 
ence this at my age because I have a critical 
distance. That helps me maintain my san- 
ity, because what has happened is all quite 
insane and hard to believe. It is something 
that needs to be dealt with maturely and 
responsibly and with circumspection. To 
consume success like an alcoholic drink is 


when it seems appropriate. I resent when 
old friends shift the tone and topic of conver- 
sation to their own career success in terms of 
competition. I'm not quite prepared to com- 
pletely break off the contact or the friend- 
ship, but I am prepared to sort of let it lie. 
PLAYBOY: You now have a star on Hol- 
lywood Boulevard. L.A. and Hollywood 
being all about the status of zip codes and 
locations, do you get to choose the other 
stars around you? 

WALTZ: Years ago I walked along that stretch. 
of Hollywood Boulevard and apologized out 
loud because I'd stepped on Buster Keaton's 
star. I'm a big admirer of Keaton's, apart 
from the fact that we share the same birthday. 
I saw that the star next to Buster Keaton's 


naming sandwiches 
and entrées after film 
stars, what should 
the Christoph Waltz 
Special be? 

WALTZ: Chopped 
liver—maybe with 
onions on the side 
to bring tears to 
your eyes. 

PLAYBOY: Your up- 
coming Tarzan movie 
has up-and-comers 
Alexander Skarsgárd 
and Margot Robbie. 
You're also in a pe- 
riod romance, Tulip 
Fever, that co-stars 
Dane DeHaan and 
Alicia Vikander. Did 
any of the younger 
actors with whom 
you've been working 
lately particularly 
impress you? 

WALTZ: In SPECTRE, 
Andrew Scott. 
PLAYBOY: He's best 
known in the U.S. 
for playing Moriarty 
to Benedict Cum- 
berbatch's Sher- 
lock Holmes on the 
BBC's Sherlock. 
WALTZ: Unfortu- 
nately I have no real 
scenes with him, but 
even at the read- 
through of the script, I picked up some- 
thing from him and thought, Wow. Tarzan 
was an interesting experience. They do so 
much in visual effects that I always had the 
feeling I was doing only half my job. 
PLAYBOY: Adding it up, how do you like be- 
ing Christoph Waltz these days? 

WALTZ: І have my crises. That's all a part 
of it. I enjoy real work. I don't like horsing 
around. I'm happiest when the work is 
tough and hard at times. I'm fighting my- 
self through it, trying to grapple with all 
of it. But I hate nothing more than feeling 
I could have phoned that one in, whether 
it's a movie or life. 


NEES 


109 


PLAYBOY 


110 


SOUTH OF BRADLEY 


Continued from page 92 


then, they’d write her up. Roy showed her 
the gun, said her boss would understand. 
She said her boss was a dick, sat down in 
a high-backed chair next to the television 
that got two channels whenever the clouds 
were just right. 

Mr. Rudd asked again. 

“My name's Roy Alison, Mr. Rudd. But I'm 
here about my grandfather. Moses Tomlin." 

“Never knew any Alisons," Rudd said. 
"Where'd you say you was from?" 

"Around," Roy said. "Columbia County. 
That's where I'm talking about.” Roy was 
standing to Mr. Rudd's right side, was watch- 
ing the front door across the bed, the nurse 
past the foot of the bed near the wall. 

"Sure. I know Columbia County. Haven't 
been there in a coon's age. You here with 
that lawman was here?" 

"Мо, sir," Roy said. "I'm not with anyone." 

The nurse leaned forward in her chair. 
"He says he's here to kill you, you old 
coot." Then to Roy, "If you're gonna 
shoot him, do it in the back. Back near 
the chicken stump. I don't need all that in 
here I gotta explain." 

Roy suggested she shut the fuck up, and 
she did. "Mr. Rudd, I'm here about my 
grandfather." 

“I done said, never known no Alison. Not 
as to a last name, anyhow." 

"Tomlin," Roy said. "Moses Tomlin. 
Everybody called him Doc." 

Mr. Rudd didn't say anything for a min- 
ute. Outside, through the open kitchen 
window, birds Roy didn't recognize 
squawked at each other, a flap of wings 
against body over and over, scramble of 
claws against ground. "You're Doc's boy?" 

"Grandson. I'm Doc Tomlin's grandson." 

Mr. Rudd nodded. Took a breath. “АП 
right, kid. Get it over with." 


The kitchen wasn't much. Linoleum 
chipped at nearly every corner, Formica 
peeling up at the edges. But it was about 
as clean as it could be. Roy looked across 
the table to where she'd propped the old 
man into a chair, like a busted piece of farm 
equipment you didn't get rid of, might 
need some day. Untouched cup of coffee 
in front of him. 

She'd said she wanted to hear. Said to tell 
the story. Said she'd scraped out caked turd 
from his folds every couple days for years, 
and if there was something to tell, by God, 
she wanted to hear it. 


Mr. Rudd asked Roy if he wanted to hear 
it, hear what happened to Doc. 

Roy said his grandfather was gone. What 
does it matter? 

"Right," the old man said. "What if it 
does? What if it matters? What if what hap- 
pened that week——" 

The old man stopped. Held up his hand 
to look at it. Thinned bones wrapped in 
the wrong size package, something that 
will open soon enough, peeling away under- 
ground after everyone has gone. Cemetery 
fertilizer. Feed the trees. 

“That car wreck," he said. "That was you? 
Killed your folks?" 

Roy said yeah, he'd been driving. 

The old man said "Shit," like a long, slight 
blade. Said he remembered now. "What was 
the family name? Did you tell me the fam- 
ily name?" 

Roy said it was Tomlin. His mother's 
father. Moses Tomlin. Doc. 

"That's right," Rudd said. "That's right. 
"That's the family." Like an old math test Коу 
was having trouble with. “Doc Tomlin." The 
old man tilted his head, tightened his eyes 
for a better look. "If you say so, kid. Can't 
say as I see it just yet. So get it done. What 
are you waiting for? I got people I gotta 
haunt when I'm dead." 

"What?" 

"You said you came to here to shoot me? 
If you really wanted to shoot me, you'd have 
done it by now. You sure you know what 
you want?" 

Roy raised the gun, his hand steady as 
loss. "Maybe I want to know why." 

"You want to know why? I thought you 
wanted to shoot me. Jesus, you sure got a 
life wrapped up in wants, don't ya?" 

"Tell me what happened that night. 
Bradley. 1955. Tell me why you killed my 
grandfather, left my grandmother a widow, 
my mama fatherless. Tell me why you did 
that. Then ГЇЇ shoot you.” Roy turned to 
the nurse, said he was sorry, but this is what 
he'd come to do. 

"Don't have to apologize," she said. "Ain't 
nothing to me." 

The old man shifted forward in the 
chair, elbows and shoulders all angles and 
points. "You know for a fact I'm the one 
what shot Doc?" 

Roy said he was sure. 

"Okay. Guess there's no point arguing 
that. You asking me why I shot him or why 
he had to be shot?" 

"Stop stalling, old man. Just tell me." 

'The old man nodded, reached for the 
coffee, pushed it farther away. "Doc Tom- 
lin was my best friend. Brother, really. We 
were У 

Не stopped. Looked off somewhere past 
Roy. “You want to know? Let me ask you 
this. You ever talk to your grandmother 
about this?” 

Roy bolted up, chair a crash behind him, 
his body а shattering of thunder and light- 
ning into the old man's face. "You say one 
thing about my grandmother, old man, 
and I swear to God I won't shoot you. 
I'll kill you. You will beg me to kill you. 
But I won't shoot you. You say one more 
thing about my grandmother." Roy stood 
up, palmed down the front of his shirt to 


straighten it. Set right his chair, growled 
a little scream like a cough and sat down. 
"Now, where were we?" 


"Тһе old man stood, took a deep pull from 
his coffee, walked to the stove, foil cradling 
the specked burners, leaned against it, rot- 
ted wood after the storm, propped against 
what remains, suspended by stubbornness. 
“Со on, now,” he said to the woman. "Get 
if you're gettin'." 

She said what if you get shot. 

He said the boy woulda done shot him 
if he had a mind to. Looked at Roy, who 
didn't move. 

She held the card across for the man, said 
she was on the clock until nine. 

He reached for the card, sliding his hip 
along the counter to move, wrote seven for 
her Out Time. 

She said it was nine, said c'mon, couldn't 
you put nine there? 

"Clock says seven. You're leaving. It's 
seven. Ain't no point making things up any- 
more. Ain't a damn person left to impress." 

“You couldn't write down nine?" she 
asked again. "That would have been just 
too much to ask? Two hours. A little help. 
We're nearly family, Mr. Rudd." 

He said so what. Family. 

She said family means, it means you never 
have to ask for help. That's family, she said. 
All together. Never have to ask. 

“Who told you that?" 

"My daddy." 

"Your daddy's a damn fool," Rudd said. 
"Family don't mean never asking for help. 
Family means never asking." 


The two of them across from the table, Roy 
asked the old man if the nurse was going 
for the cops. 

"Can't tell with her, but I ain't counting 
on it. You want to leave, that's up to you. 
Can always come back later. I'm heading up 
to Little Rock tomorrow, have them trade 
out my blood for some good blood. You can 
call my social secretary, have her set some- 
thing up." 

"Mr. Rudd, I came here to kill you. I don't 
figure either of us wants to spend too much 
time on this, so just tell what you were going. 
to tell me. Then I'll shoot you and you can 
go on and get to haunting people." Roy set 
the pistol on the table in front of him, bar- 
rel aimed to Mr. Rudd's left ear. "Go ahead. 
Take your time." 

Rudd nodded, crossed his hands in his 
lap. “It’s a dangerous thing to be loved by 
a king,” he said. “Old saying. Ever heard 
that one?” 

“Can't say I have.” 

“Well, I got to tell you this part, and I 
can’t have you flying off ready to storm 
the beaches.” 

“Just tell it.” 

“Your grandfather and I, well, we weren't 
kings, but it weren't for lack of trying.” 

"You're not talking about small-engine 
repair? My grandpa's shop?" 

"That's right. That's right. He had that 
shop for a while. Lamartine or Waldo or 
some fool place." Rudd leaned forward a 


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little, pulled his chair closer to the table. 
“Ever hear of a guy called Karpis? Alvin?” 

Roy said that sounded familiar, but he 
couldn't quite place it. Get on with it, he said. 

“Karpis. Part of this Ma Barker gang or 
however the cops called it. Kidnapped а 
couple people back in the 1930s. A banker 
named Brewer and a brewer, a beer man, 
named something. Wasn't Banker, but I can't 
remember what it was. Hamilton, maybe, 
though that don't sound just right." 

"ТЕ you're about to tell me Ma Barker 
killed my grandpa, I'm going to be a little 
upset with you, Mr. Rudd." 

“Just hold on. I'm coming to the part you 
care about, the part about your people. You 
need to understand the who and the what to 
get to the why. See, the man who was pretty 
much running most of the county and some 
of Lafayette and Union too, that was a fellow 
by the name of Pribble. Jefferson Davis Prib- 
ble. Named after that Southern president 
and even more of an asshole. Well, JD gets 
it in his head, because he knew some peo- 
ple who knew some people with that Karpis 
crew, he gets it into his head to kidnap the 
daughter of the governor of Arkansas. Starts 
some fool scheme. Well, nothing ever came 
of that, you see? May well be JD finds out 
the governor didn't have a daughter of the 
kidnapping age. I don't know." 

Roy shuffled, started to say something. 

"Just wait. I'm getting there. Man tells a 
story that's 50 years old he ain't told in 50 
years, you got to give the man a little space." 
Rudd angled out his elbows, pulled them 
back in like chicken wings refusing to snap. 
"Your granddaddy, my best mate, Doc Tom- 
lin, now, you may not know this, but your 
grandfather had a head for plans. For being 
five moves ahead, seeing the outside of a 
thing. Not just playing the angles, you see? 
He knew the angles of the angles. Once saw 
him take 10 large from a timber company 
that took six months to know it was gone. 
Smartest man I ever knew, then or since. 
Had this idea, running an office for a job 
service place we had in mind. Over to Mag- 
nolia. Settling down. Getting out of all this." 

He waved his hand against nothing much. 
"See, there was a while there, we was both 
down in this hole, trying to find our way 
back up. Figure your granddaddy had the 
sense to settle down, the family, Lucy, the 
baby. Figured they'd be fine. We'd all be fine. 
But Doc was the worst damn card player I 
ever saw. Always looking to hit that inside 
straight. Like he had it all down. He gets on 
the wrong side of JD Pribble, who still has 
itin his mind to kidnap somebody. Plans 
to take this Nusbaum boy. Father a doctor 
from Chicago. Mother old money. Had a big 
place up north of Magnolia. Pribble wants 
Doc, your granddaddy, to work off what he 
owed by planning this, running point. Doc 
and him got in this big row about it, dragged 
on for days. I said it was a bad idea. This 
was, back summer of 1955. See, Doc and 
Lucy just had a baby not too far back. Belle 
of the ball, your grandmother. Wonderful 
mother. Never lost whatever it was most 
of them women lost moving from wife to 
mother. Never picked up all the other. Just 
the kind of woman a man like Doc Tomlin 
wants to do right by, you understand. While 


before, wouldn't have mattered. Running 
hog crazy all over the county. But now. Well, 
the family. You understand." 

Roy said yeah. He remembered some- 
thing about family. 

"Well, there you go. No way around it. 
Doc figures he can't do it. Have to find some 
other way to get this money paid back. Then 
come one morning, Doc's having lunch at 
the Chatterbox up in Magnolia, when JD 
walks in, drops this package on the table 
and walks out. Wrapped up all in this brown 
paper. So Doc goes to open it right there. 
Silver hairbrush off Lucy's dresser, still dan- 
gling strands of hair." 

Roy breathed, "Jesus." 

"Wasn't no Jesus, son. Plenty of devil." 
The old man slid his fingers around the cof- 
fee cup, looked into the bottom, grounds 
washing around like rotten tea leaves, 
slurped down the dregs, wiped his chin. 

Roy asked what next. 

“Your grandpa hightails it back to the 
house. Lucy, your grandmother, there. She's 
fine, of course. Always would be. Woman, 
man. Always was." He stopped. Looked at 
Roy. "Is? Always is?" 

Roy got it after a second, what the old 
man was getting at, said yeah, is. Still is. 

Rudd nodded. "Doesn't matter anymore. 
Maybe it never did. But that's one person 
can always take care of herself well as any- 
body, I figure. Still, these Pribbles. Ain't no 
telling back then what they was capable of. 
Back then, anyhow. Doc tries to send her 
off somewhere for a while, until he can set- 
tle things up with Pribble. But she wouldn't 
listen to him. And he wouldn't listen to 
her. Said they could figure the thing out 
together. Lucy always said how it wasn't that 
big a problem if money could fix it. Always 
knew what to say." 

Roy saw something in the old man's eye, 
but didn't know what it was. 

"Couple days later, Doc's still of a mind to 
do the Pribble job. Lucy had been trying to 
talk him out of it. Га been trying. Told him 
this wasn't what we'd agreed to, this wasn't 
the plan. Our retirement plan. One night, 
that night, he's coming back from meeting 
with a few of them up in Bradley. Couple 
Pribbles. Hutcheson boy. Another one or 
two, I guess. So he's coming back and he 
picks me up to bring me back, 'cause I'd 
been staying around there to talk to some 
people about the lake, the one for the paper 
mill, and I figure I got one last chance to 
talk him out of this. One last shot. Turns out 
I was right about that.” 

Rudd reached for his coffee cup, spun it 
around a little until it lay on its side, empty. 

"I told him he had to keep Lucy safe. His 
family. Told him I could help him figure this 
out. But that was always his thing, the fig- 
uring out. Bank jobs. Payrolls. The looking 
at how all the pieces fit together. And that's 
when he told me of this big plan he was 
hatching, how it would end the Pribbles. I 
told him he couldn't do it. Said he couldn't 
do that to Lucy. Said what did she think. 
We'd pulled off somewhere and maybe one 
car went by this whole time we were talk- 
ing. He said he didn't tell her, said it wasn’t 
her business. I said this wasn't the life Lucy 
deserved. The baby. Then I saw it." 


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Roy leaned forward, asked what the old 
man had seen. 

“In his eyes. He says JD was right, that 
this was the only way, our future. I told him 
just step away from this one, leave it be. He 
tells me I shouldn't worry so much, give my 
pretty face those frown lines. He said this 
was just a tiny thing, one job. I said that's 
how it happens. Before long you're back to 
burning houses and putting another judge 
in the ground." 

The old man looked off at the wall behind 
Roy, moved his sight along whatever was 
back there. Roy asked what his grandpa 
said then. 

"Said I was sounding like Lucy. He 
looks at me then, whatever fool look I 
have on my face, sees right through me 
like he'd just figured out how to take down 
the bank from the inside. 'Christ Almighty, 
you're sweet on ber,' he tells me. Says is 
this what it's all about. Starts laughing. 
Tells me to get on. Says just get on. I told 
him it didn't matter what I thought, what 
I felt. Said he'd better do right by her. 
Told him he'd better hold on to what he's 
got before it gets taken away from him. 
He just kept laughing at me, said you 
ain't never got what you thought you was 
gonna have, that's for sure." 

Roy asked what he'd meant by that. 

“No idea. I've thought about that these, 
these however many years. Fifty? Sixty? I've 
thought about a lot of things. How I could 
have just let him be, go off get himself killed. 
That would have opened things up for, well, 
can't say it matters now." 

"So what happened then?" 

“I said he had to keep her out of this 
trouble and he said she was a grown damn 
woman and could take care of herself and 
just kept on laughing. I reached back for this 
gun I had, this little peashooter about the 
size of that one you got there, and he said 
now come on and I said tell me you ain't 
doing it and he comes a step to me and he 
wouldn't shut his mouth. Just kept on teas- 
ing me. Said was I gonna save all the women 
or just the ones that wouldn't have me. So I 
shot him and there he was shot and I'd done 
it. I shot him. I did that." 

Roy knew Rudd had stopped telling him 
the story a while back. Now he was just 
telling it. 

"We'd done these things for years and 
then we come outta that hole together and 
we coulda kept on but there Га shot him. 
Because he had it all planned out. All them 
pieces fitting together. Because that's what 
he'd done. And I wasn't worried about him 
or me or any of it. Just the one piece I didn't 
have a fool right to worry about, that could 
handle herself just fine. And he had all the 
pieces figured." 

Rudd reached behind himself to a hutch 
drawer, slid it open. Roy tensed for the gun 
that never came. Rudd pulled out what 
looked like a little stick of gum, slid it onto. 
the table. "And what's left of any of that. I 
panicked. Never looked back. Took things— 
make it look like a robbery, I guess. Held on 
to this. All that's left." 

Roy met the old man's hand halfway, held 
the tie pin, the blue circle in the middle, the 
dot of light centered. Roy took the gun off 


the table, clicked open the cylinder, shook 
the three bullets loose. 

“You should know, your grandfather," 
the old man said. "People talk. Say what 
they want. You get turned into something. 
You should know. He wasn't..." The old 
man trailed off, scratched his shoulder as he 
talked. "Looks like you got something like 
him, you know. They say stuff skips a gen- 
eration. I guess it's the eyes. Something like 
his. Apples falling from trees and all that." 

Roy nodded along. 

As the old man sat back down, settled in, 
Roy reached into his own pocket for the 
matching cuff links, the same dot of light 
in the center. 

"Your grandma," Rudd said. "She's 
doing fine?" 

Roy didn't hear the back door hinge 
open, metal against metal, didn't hear the 
slight give of the floorboards, Rudd saying 
something about pieces of a life, about the 
falling apart, the coming together. 

"Hands on your head,” a voice behind 
Roy, the open doorway he'd let fall from 
his attention. He reached for the gun on 
the table, voice saying, "Hands on your 
goddamn head," shotgun racking. Playing 
out in Roy's figuring: spray pattern pops 
into shoulder, blade picking welted pel- 
lets from tissue. Kitchen wall dotted. Or 
a closer blast. Or maybe not birdshot like 
last time. Maybe a slug. Maybe more than 
the one man. The one gun. Roy counted 
the seconds to his gun on the table, the 
loose bullets rolling back and forth against 
nothing but gravity. And reaching under 
his chair, a spinning throw toward the 
shotgun. Played it out, the options. Maybe 
Rudd catches shot in the face, the neck. Roy 
put his hands on his head, watched Rudd, 
saw straight through him, through the wall 
behind him and down into the earth, all the 
way through. The empty channel all the 
way to the starless universe on the other 
side. The hole never filling. 

"Lil Pete, you put that down. The hell 
you doing?" 

Тће voice behind setting the barrel 
against Roy's shoulder. “Мата said you 
needed a hand." 

Rudd shook his head. "Roy Alison, this 
here's Lil Pete. Guess his mother did set out. 
to send somebody back." He waved the boy 
to the side. "Your mama must figure we're 
still family after all." 

"She said tell you family means putting up 
with some jackasses now and again." 

As Pete set the shotgun against the 
table, moved forward, Roy reached out, 
for the gun, drove the stock into the man's 
jaw, his arms back into the floor, falling 
down onto elbows, wrists. Table falling 
over, coffee cup breaking apart, cuff links 
and tie pin sliding away. As Lil Pete hit the 
boards, reached for a gun at his waist, Roy 
put a boot against the man's gun hand, 
driving it into his gut. He put the barrel 
of the shotgun into the man's shoulder, 
took a breath, saw himself blast a slug 
clear through, a gaping hole, through 
the bottom of the house, into the earth, 
everything filling with blood. 


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RESISTANCE 


RESISTANCE IS FUTILE 


Continued from page 52 


thought it might be possible to automate this, 
but at that time the computer power just 
wasn't available,” Ekman explains to me. 

In 1985, while attending a conference on 
his FACS system in Wales, Ekman met a sci- 
entist who had developed one of the world’s 
first parallel-processing computers. One of 
the computer’s first applications involved 
algorithms that recognized human faces 
at a distance of 50 yards. But when people 
presented any kind of nonneutral mien, it 
created enough “noise” that the algorithms 
no longer recognized them. The noise of 
people’s emotional expressions consistently 
foiled the facial-recognition software. 

“But that noise,” Ekman says, “was my focus.” 

Ekman visited the computer lab in Lon- 
don and experimented with the machine’s 
power for a week, during which time he 
was able to program it to recognize several 
basic facial expressions. Following this ex- 
perience, Ekman wrote a grant proposal 
for the National Institute of Mental Health 
to pursue the work further. But the NIMH 
told him, succinctly, “We don’t think com- 
puters can do what you think they can,” 
remembers Ekman. 

Soon after that, Ekman met Terry 
Sejnowski, who had a Ph.D. in physics from 
Princeton and was a researcher and profes- 
sor at the University of California, San Diego. 
Sejnowski helped Ekman get his study 
funded, and the two began to work on auto- 
mating the task of reading human faces for 
everything they betray. Joining their project 
was doctoral student Marian Bartlett, who in 
the 1990s began to apply machine-learning 
algorithms to the problem. 

Machine-learning algorithms can be pow- 
erful tools when unraveling large, compli- 
cated riddles for which composing enough 
linear programming—clear, prescriptive 
algorithms—would be impossible. Given a 
set of desired outcomes, a machine-learning 
algorithm will work to find the most efficient 
ways to reach similar outcomes with new 
problems. The more data such algorithms 
consume, the smarter they become. This is 
why they’re effective in teasing out nonintui- 
tive relationships within large sets of data. 

Bartlett’s use of machine-learning al- 
gorithms proved successful. Her col- 
leagues’ and her work eventually formed 
the foundation of Emotient, which took its 
face-reading product to market in 2013, 
after advances in digital cameras and 
off-the-shelf processing power made the 


116 technology applicable to a wide audience. 


At this point the software has become far 
better than any human at reading faces. “If 
you ask people to make subjective judgments 
on what a face is telling them, they're often 
wrong. People don’t know what to look for,” 
says Bartlett, co-founder and lead scientist at 
Emotient. “But when you measure objective- 
ly, there is a huge amount of information.” 

The first clients for Emotient’s algorithms 
came from Madison Avenue, as advertis- 
ers wanted to pair the face-reading technol- 
ogy with their normal practice of using fo- 
cus groups to determine what kinds of new 
products should be released. 

Procter & Gamble, for one, used Emo- 
tient’s algorithms to gauge consumer reac- 
tion to new detergent scents. P&G asked the 
people in its focus group to sample the fra- 
grances and then, as is standard, had them 
fill out a survey of their thoughts about all 
the product variations. At the end of the 
event, the participants were allowed to take 
home any detergent of their choice. As it 
turned out, the fragrance people reported as 
their favorite in the survey was usually not 
the one they chose to take home. 

Emotient's algorithms, however, predicted 
which scent a person would take home with 
a high degree of accuracy. P&G recorded the 
focus group members taking their first smell 
of each fragrance. Initial reactions, gut reac- 
tions, were betrayed by slight changes in their 
facial expressions, usually lasting far less than 
a second, when they got the first whiff of a 
scent. That gut reaction, driven by the brain’s 
amygdala, is what dictates most decisions. The 
amygdala is separate from the part of the brain 
that drives logic and speech, which are what 
produce the results in participant surveys. 

The idea that focus-group surveys are 
nearly worthless sent a shudder through 
the advertising industry, and delivered a 
regular stream of well-paying clients to Emo- 
tient ever since. Emotient’s technology has 
advanced to the point that it can gauge and 
measure every face in a frame of video. A 
high-resolution video clip of the NBA finals, 
for instance, can be evaluated by Emotient’s 
algorithms to determine the general disposi- 
tion of the crowd during that moment of the 
game. It could be 100 faces or 500 faces. The 
algorithms see and read them all. 

The technology Emotient employs has be- 
come so efficient, so fast, the company now of- 
fers access to its algorithms to anybody via the 
web. Users upload their videos to Emotient's 
site and pay $1.99 per minute for analysis. 

I felt compelled to test the algorithms on 
my gaping children as they watched televi- 
sion. It turns out even their rather stoic faces 
tell a big story. I recorded as they watched the 
beginning of The SpongeBob Movie: Sponge Out 
of Water and uploaded the 15-minute video 
to Emotient's servers for analysis. I didn't 
have to wait long. In a couple of hours Emo- 
tient's system returned a report to me, one 
impressive in its depth and thoroughness. 

Among the data provided to users, Emo- 
tient returns a version of the original video 
augmented with frames that outline peo- 
ple's faces. When a person in the video looks 
away from the camera, the frame disap- 
pears. Next to each frame, the software dis- 
plays a single word describing the emotions 
of that person at that precise moment. For 


my little video watchers, the software's reg- 
istered emotion was often "neutral," or the 
same evaluation most people would make 
when seeing the empty looks produced by 
children absorbing on-screen entertain- 
ment. But at different points of the movie, 
cracks of feeling would flit across their faces. 
Тһе same moment that scared one of my 
younger kids—duly noted by Emotient— 
instilled bemusement in the older one. The 
software then knit all these moments into 
single story lines for each child. Even a lay- 
man could see the inflection points of the 
movie and how they affected each viewer. 

The software isn't perfect, however. It 
mistook one of my daughters' emotions for 
"disgust" during a 10-minute period when 
she put her hand on her chin and left it 
there. But it works well enough that we 
should expect algorithms to one day lurk 
in every store camera, every political rally, 
every car dealership, even job interviews— 
anyplace where discerning the inner reac- 
tions of people is paramount. 

This reality doesn't sit well with Ekman, 
creator of all the logic behind the algo- 
rithms. He remains keenly interested in 
the science of his system and, as an advi- 
sory board member of Emotient, holds 
equity in the company, but he surprises me 
by saying, simply, "I'm quite worried." 

He explains further: "If you're going to 
analyze people's expressions and analyze 
their emotions, I think you should have 
their consent." 

At this point, Emotient says explicit con- 
sent isn't necessary because it keeps the data 
anonymous. Faces in a crowd are just faces 
in a crowd. But Ekman feels that reading 
somebody's emotions so mechanically, al- 
gorithmically, entails a violation of privacy. 

The questions surrounding this use of 
algorithms insert sci-fi plots into real life. 
Where do we draw the line? Where does 
the utility of code stop? 


° 
Nicholas Carr, author of The Glass Cage, wor- 


ries that automation's march has rendered 
us stupider, that algorithms demote humans 
to lever operators who let computer code do 
all the real work, whether in the cockpit of a 
plane or on the machinist bench in a factory. 
"Automation severs ends from means," he 
writes. "It makes getting what we want easier, 
but it distances us from the work of knowing." 

When we surrender, as Carr says, the 
work of knowing, we are capitulating to the 
power of bots. Carr advocates for humans to 
spend more time at labor without the artifi- 
cial proxy of software between them and the 
job. He points out that studies have shown 
that airline pilots' skills degrade when they 
forfeit most of their flying time to autopilot 
algorithms. While it's true that autopilots are 
one of the reasons air travel has become in- 
credibly safe, Carr argues that pilots should 
be flying by hand more often, which would 
keep their skills honed and help mitigate the 
human errors that have led to most of the 
major air disasters of the past two decades. 

“We can allow ourselves to be carried 
along by the technological current, wher- 
ever it may be taking us, or we can push 
against it," writes Carr. 


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Such talk evokes thoughts of Star Tiek's vil- 
lainous Borg, a race evolved from a mixture 
of man and machine whose regular advice to 
those it conquers, “Resistance is futile,” has 
become a cultural refrain. 

Borg aside, the possible takeover of the 
world by algorithms infused with artificial 
intelligence has been discussed for decades. 
Hollywood has long been intrigued by this 
plot, from Stanley Kubrick’s 2001: A Space 
Odyssey to the Terminator franchise and, more 
recently, Johnny Depp’s Transcendence. Com- 
puter scientists, however, have dismissed 
such tales as hyperbolic and unlikely. 

But in the past year, three of the biggest 
minds in science have separately expressed 
warnings about software so intelligent it 
could seize humanity’s place as Earth’s 
dominant force. Bill Gates, the most suc- 
cessful software entrepreneur of all time, 
said, “I am in the camp that is concerned 
about super intelligence.” 

Stephen Hawking, the brilliant theoreti- 
cal physicist, told the BBC, “The primitive 
forms of artificial intelligence we already 
have have proved very useful. But I think 
the development of full artificial intelligence 
could spell the end of the human race.” 

Perhaps most foreboding are the thoughts 
of businessman and inventor Elon Musk, who 
has repeatedly sounded the alarm with tweets 
such as “We need to be super careful with AI. 
Potentially more dangerous than nukes.” 
Musk has consistently done things that others 
considered impossible: building Tesla Motors 
into a major force and founding SpaceX, a 
private company that designs, manufacturers 
and launches rockets into space for a fraction 
of the money NASA and other space-race in- 
cumbents have spent. His declared worry on 
the subject deserves attention. 


Algorithms have already evaluated many of 
us to a degree comparable to that ofa human 
psychologist's scrutiny. And most of us have 
no idea it has happened. In my book Automate 
This, I profile how Chicago company Matter- 
sight built a library of 10 million algorithms 
to categorize human speech. The company's 
engineers married these algorithms with 
speech recognition to create a system that 
determines a speaker's exact personality type 
and, often, what he or she is thinking. The 
results can be startlingly accurate. The system 
correctly tagged me as having what is called 
a thoughts-driven primary personality and а 
reactions-driven secondary personality. 
Often when we call customer-service 
lines we get a recorded refrain: "This call 
may be monitored or recorded for quality- 
assurance purposes." We assume this has 
something to do with training or liability. 
But it often means that millions of algo- 
rithms have settled in to listen to us. When 
the bots know our personalities, they know 
how to treat us to keep us happy and on- 
board as profitable customers. By routing 
our calls to operators with personalities 
similar to our own, the bots keep customer- 
service calls mercifully short—and cheap. 
What was something of an experiment 
when I first wrote about it has become a 
sweeping movement within consumer- 


118 facing companies. Mattersight CEO Kelly 


Conway recently told me his algorithms 
have now profiled 20 percent of American 
adults’ personalities. 

The Google search algorithm, perhaps 
the most powerful in the world, decides 
much of how we go about our lives and be- 
comes increasingly tailored to our tastes the 
more we use it. It directs where we eat, what 
businesses we patronize, where we decide to 
live, travel, go to school, raise a family. Most 
people's web interactions begin with the 
Google search box. What it decides to put 
on the first page—or prepopulate before we 
even finish typing our thoughts—is pivotal, 
whether we're searching for good Thai food 
or the best ski resort for early-season snow. 
We needn't know a restaurant's name any- 
more, as Google's algorithm will figure out 
all the details for us. 

Marketers have long known that our on- 
line behavior reveals a great deal about who 
we are. The government knows this too. The 
National Security Agency, Edward Snowden 
told us, used algorithms to determine wheth- 
er or not someone was a U.S. citizen, as only 
the communications of noncitizens can be 
monitored without a warrant. But the algo- 
rithms didn't access data about birthplace 
or parents; they made this critical judgment 
based on a person's browser and web-surfing 
histories. Faceless computer code was, in ef- 
fect, the arbiter of U.S. citizenship and the 
right to privacy it confers. 

In fact, the United States is now testing 
algorithms in lieu of human guards and in- 
terrogators. Not only are they cheaper than 
humans, but they're better at patrolling our 
borders. Through kiosks installed at border 
crossings, the algorithms quiz travelers and 
analyze their answers, examining word choice 
and looking for vagueness, pauses and other 
signs of lying. The algorithms also ingest data 
from high-definition cameras that measure 
travelers’ facial expressions and eye move- 
ments. So far, the bot has proved far more ef- 
fective than humans at finding liars. In a test 
of the technology at a Polish border crossing, 
the algorithms were effective 94 percent of 
the time in sussing out test participants who 
tried to get past the checkpoint with false an- 
swers and papers. Human guards who ques- 
tioned the same people caught none of them. 

The existence of the Transportation Secu- 
rity Administration in its current form was 
recently called into question when its agents 
failed 67 out of 70 tests in which workers 
from the Department of Homeland Security 
tried to smuggle fake explosives, weapons 
and other contraband past airport check- 
points. The TSA, already a favored target 
of commentators on the left and right, has 
never been less popular. Some, only half in 
jest, have suggested replacing agents with 
bomb-sniffing dogs. Ekman, the wizard of 
facial expressions, thinks the TSA is just 
looking for the wrong thing. 

“We should be seeking out the bomber, not 
the bombs," he says. 

Algorithms could certainly be pro- 
grammed to look for facial giveaways that in- 
dicate a person is hiding something or is on 
the brink of committing a violent act. They 
could also be employed at banks to alert 
guards when somebody wearing the wrong 
expression comes in the door. 


That algorithms could best humans at jobs 
seemingly essential to maintaining a civil soci- 
ety is unsettling to many. But it's a real trend. 

The state of Missouri, searching for ways 
to maintain consistent sentencing and reduce 
the $680 million burden of housing 30,000 
inmatesin state prisons, in 2005 implemented 
what's called the Missouri Automated Sen- 
tencing Application. Judges, prosecutors, de- 
fense attorneys and even magazine reporters 
can provide all kinds of inputs regarding the 
defendant, and the algorithm will provide 
data on sentences given to similar criminals 
in the past, along with information on the 
cost to the state of different sentences. 

А charge of first-degree assault for a 
previous offender age 22 to 34 with a high 
school education and full-time employment 
produces an average sentence of 9.3 years. 
The system also reveals that 7.7 percent of 
offenders in similar cases were sentenced 
to probation, 11.5 percent to some kind of 
treatment program and 80.8 percent to 
prison. The costs are included, from $9,050 
for five years of probation to $167,510 for 85 
percent of time served incarcerated. 

Тһе Missouri algorithm used to go even 
further, actually providing judges with rec- 
ommended sentences. Although the algo- 
rithm's sentences were nonbinding, their 
existence upset enough people that Missouri 
legislators imposed restrictions on the sys- 
tem, requiring that the recommended sen- 
tences be removed from its output. 

"It's a shame, because I think the more 
knowledge you get to people, the better 
their decisions will be," says Gary Oxen- 
handler, a Missouri circuit court judge and 
the acting chair of the state's sentencing ad- 
visory committee. "The system is there to 
help you make decisions. It's a tool." 

Oxenhandler thinks letting algorithms 
into the courtroom, as long as they're not 
given final say, benefits the legal process. 
Anything that lightens his load as a judge, 
he says, can make him more effective in 
sentencing the 350 to 600 felons he may be 
overseeing at any one time. 

Scott Greenfield, a prominent New York 
defense lawyer whose blog has become one of 
the most-read legal sites on the web, finds the 
whole concept misguided. “Consistency here 
is a bit of a fool’s errand,” he tells me. “You 
can’t take into account the myriad differences 
between human beings” that should affect 
their sentencing. Only humans, Greenfield 
insists, can apply the required nuance. 

The cost of prisons has become crippling 
for many states, including California, which 
released 2,700 inmates this year as part of a 
measure to trim spending and overcrowding. 
Oxenhandler thinks applying algorithms to 
the issue could help all states better figure out 
who should stay in prison and who is worth 
the gamble, given the savings, of being re- 
leased. The time for algorithms, he stresses, 
is now. “As the economy gets better, people 
aren't going to give a damn anymore,” he 
says. “If we miss our window here, they’re 
going to end up building more new prisons.” 

In a job as important as this—deciding 
who is free and who is locked up—surely 
algorithms require some form of supervi- 
sion. Humans, however, may not be best 
for that job. Leading computer scientists 


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algorithms to police themselves. 


Тће algorithm the U.S. State Department 
uses as part of its Diversity Immigrant Visa 
Program is supposed to pick a group of ap- 
plicants at random to be awarded visas each 
year. In 2011, the lottery's algorithm did not 
work as intended but simply awarded visas to 
the people who had applied earliest, in order. 
Тће visas were eventually revoked and the 
system was rerun. The episode devastated 
many people who lost what they believed to 
be legitimate entry to the United States. 

Bad algorithms, bad code, the theory goes, 
can be prevented from doing damage when 
patrolled by algorithms designed for the job. 
It sounds ridiculous, but the concept is a rudi- 
mentary one within computer science. Most 
programmers, when creating web and mo- 
bile applications, create a parallel set of tests. 
Тһе tests are, in effect, algorithms that patrol 
newly written code for ways in which it might 
break the application. More complex versions 
of these are known as accountable algorithms. 

Computer scientist Joshua Kroll has been 
pestering the State Department about its visa 
lottery algorithm for more than a year. The 
government hasn't been forthcoming about 
its methods, forcing Kroll to issue a formal re- 
quest under the Freedom of Information Act. 
"They could just be using a big Excel spread- 
sheet," he says of the State Department. "We 
don't really know what they're doing." 

Kroll would like to fix problems like this 


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with accountable algorithms that ensure other 
algorithms do their jobs correctly. He thinks 
accountable algorithms could help solve 
thorny problems such as discrimination in job 
and credit markets, where things such as race 
and gender may be officially left out of consid- 
eration but are often inferred through indi- 
rect methods. Fairness is ultimately better de- 
termined by code than by humans, Kroll says. 

A world with algorithms watching our 
faces, measuring our words, determining 
who goes to jail, who gets frisked at the 
airport—most of that world has already ar- 
rived or is coming. Rather than be alarmed, 
some of the best-informed minds on the 
subject welcome algorithmic rule. 

David Cope is rare in that he's renowned 
as an artist and a programmer. He has writ- 
ten reams of code in Lisp, a complicated 
computer language favored by developers 
in the AI community, while also compos- 
ing operas and symphonies that have been 
performed by elite orchestras around the 
world. A leader in the creation of AI pro- 
grams that compose original music, Cope 
has watched classical music aficionados mis- 
take some of his algorithm's compositions 
for the work of Johann Sebastian Bach. 

Whereas the author Nicholas Carr ar- 
gues for more piloting of planes by hu- 
mans, Cope thinks the better answer, the 
obvious answer, is to get rid of humans 
in the cockpit altogether. Even Cope is 
surprised at how quickly algorithms have 
marched toward mastery of society. When 
I asked him three years ago if he thought 


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novel, his reply was curt: “No.” When I 
asked him again this year, he'd changed his 
mind. He's currently working on that very 
thing at his home in Santa Cruz, California. 

“It's natural for humans to both fear and 
find disgusting matters in which a machine 
can do better than or replace them,” says 
Cope. “We're insecure when it comes to 
that. When machines can play chess or cre- 
ate something better, it's damned madden- 
ing. But I think we're gaining something. 
We can think on a higher level. We can now 
have these people who have been displaced 
doing something more interesting." 

More interesting than driving a car, for in- 
stance, is designing the software that drives it. 
for us. And as Google, Audi, BMW and sev- 
eral other companies' self-driving autos have 
shown, machines have already surpassed hu- 
mans in this capacity. But not everybody is a 
software engineer. Cope concedes that some 
people may lose their jobs to algorithms 
three or four times over their careers. The 
key, he says, will be retraining oneself at a 
higher level to use the newest technology. 

"It seems to me that on every level when- 
ever we can get a machine to do a job," Cope 
says, "we should do it." 

We simply must hope that by the time algo- 
rithms are doing everything that they enjoy 
having their original creators—the soft, cor- 
poreal, needy and primitive versions of wet- 
ware called humans—around for company. 


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Kil 23 121 


BRIAN STAUFFER 


122 


EB FORUM 


November 2015 /// 


THE DARK SIDE OF 
ETERNAL LIFE 


A radically longer life span may soon be 
a reality. Should you want one? 


It's said two things in life are 
certain, death and taxes, but 
Dr. Joon Yun isn't sure about 
the former. Last September, 
the Silicon Valley physician and 
hedge fund manager launched 
the Palo Alto Longevity Prize, 
putting $1 million of his own 
cash on the table for anyone 
who proves him right. For 
Yun, the challenge isn't about 
scratching an itch of curios- 

ity or a millionaire playing 


puppeteer with scientists; it's 
nothing less than an urgent 
moral mission. "Every week we 
delay in solving aging, a mil- 
lion people in the queue are 
waiting to die," Yun tells me. 
“This is a race against time." 
Of course, throughout his- 
tory, quests to conquer death 
haven't quite 
panned out. In 
210 B.c. Qin Shi 
Huang, China's 
first emperor, sent 
an alchemist and a 
crew of 3,000 vir- 
gins to retrieve the elixir of life 
from a 1,000-year-old magi- 
cian. They never returned; 
legend has it they settled in 
Japan instead. Around 1889, 
Charles-Édouard Brown- 
Séquard, a Harvard Medical 
School professor, turned the 
search for the fountain of 


BY JASON 


SILVERSTEIN 


youth into Fear Factor when he 
mixed semen with fluid from 
crushed dog testicles, which he 
insisted rejuvenated him. (He’s 
dead now.) And five years 

ago, Nursultan Nazarbayev, 
the Kazakhstani president 
who lifted his own term limits, 
endeavored to lift the limits on 
life as well. He asked university 
scientists to find him a magic 
potion; thus far, they've pro- 
duced a liquid yogurt called 
nar, guaranteed only to defy 
death by indigestion. 

The 30 teams competing for 
the Palo Alto Longevity Prize, 
however, are embarking on a 
much saner mission, one they 
believe technology has finally 
made achievable. 
The prize is bro- 
ken into two parts. 
The first (with a 
June 2016 deadline 
for half the cash) 
addresses homeo- 
static capacity, or our bodies’ 
ability to recover from stress— 
say, after we've run a 5k or 
been out drinking all night. 
The older we get, the harder 
it becomes to walk that physi- 
ological balance beam, and 
researchers believe it holds 
a key to vitality. The second 


(with a September 2018 dead- 
line for the rest of the prize 
money) challenges the teams 
to expand the mammalian life 
span by half—an extra year 
and a half for a mouse or 38 
years for an American male. 
The teams are cheat- 
ing death, using everything 
from stem cells to sleep. Each 
approach essentially aims to 
“cure” aging. “You can eas- 
ily imagine growing old as a 
whole-body phenomenon,” 
says Dr. Shin-ichiro Imai, 
professor of developmental 
biology at Washington Uni- 
versity in St. Louis. To halt the 
process, Imai’s lab hunted for 
the body’s aging-control cen- 
ter. The researchers think it 
lies in the hypothalamus—the 
brain’s almond-size headquar- 
ters for many metabolic and 
nervous-system functions— 
which communicates with 
skeletal muscle and fat. Imai's 
insight is that the molecules 


*Every week 
we delay in 
solving aging, 
a million 
people in the 
queue are 
waiting to 
die. This is a 
race against 
time.” 


involved require a compound 
called NAD—which, it turns 
out, decreases with age. His 
solution is simple: Administer 
this compound, or its building 
blocks, as a supplement like 
fish oil. He hopes to have one 
on shelves in five to 10 years. 
“This is happening right 
now,” he says. “It isn't science 
fiction anymore.” 

Scott Wolf, a medical doc- 
tor turned medical inventor, 
also wants to distance his work 
from fogged-out dorm fan- 
tasies. “I'm not focused on 
having people live to 300 or 
400 and download their brains 
to computers,” he says. “There 
are things we can do now if we 
get moving." His bull's-eye is 
fat, which he believes triggers 
diseases of aging through its 


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buildup around the intestines, 
stomach and heart. “We can do 
something to visceral fat and 
change the way we live and 
how long we live,” Wolf says. 
“But turning that into an actual 
therapeutic is challenging." 
Though the researchers 
downplay talk of radical life 
extension, that's clearly where 
they're headed. As Yun puts 
it, if aging can be stopped, 
then it's simply a matter of 
math. At the age of 25 our 
chances of dying within a year 
аге опе in 1,000. “If you can 


It’s the 
tragedy of the 
commons: If 
we each choose 
immortality 
out of self- 
interest, all of 
us will suffer. 


maintain that kind of health, 
you could theoretically live to 
1,000,” he says. 

But a larger question looms: 
If death is only a puzzle, do 
we really want to solve it? In 
2013 the Pew Research Cen- 
ter found that 56 percent of 
Americans don’t wish to live 
past 120 years. That’s in line 
with what philosophers have 
said for centuries—that death 
isn’t always bad. 

The Greek philosopher Epi- 
curus argued for the positive 
side of death, since bad things 
happen to us only while we’re 
alive. After all, what’s the worst 
we could experience before 
we're born? We may wish we 
lived in a different era, among 
Hendrix rather than hipsters, 
but we never fear what could 
have happened to us before 
we were alive. Why not think 
about death in the same way? 


P Tech magnate Joon Yun has 
gamified the quest to live forever. 


- 


One problem is that it's 
almost impossible to imagine 
our own deaths. “Whenever we 
try to do so,” Freud writes, “we 
find that we survive ourselves 
as spectators.” And while it's 
easy to picture eavesdropping 
on your own funeral, it's nearly 
impossible to visualize the vast 
nothingness of nonexistence. 

Once we picture ourselves 
as spectators of our own death, 
we become angry that we've 
been stripped of some sight 
or taste or experience, and 
we fear missing out. But that 
doesn't mean eternal life is the 
fix. In his book Death, Yale phi- 
losopher Shelly Kagan invites 
us to imagine an activity we 
could enjoy forever. It should 
be easy to think of one you 
would enjoy for a very, very 
long time, but consider doing 
it for 200, 500 or 1,000 years. 
Kagan argues you would need 
to have a lobotomy to enjoy 
that life. This leads us into 
another moral minefield: If we 
decide we've burned out on 
sunsets at the age of 500, is our 
only option suicide? 

Others see even darker 
potential. “We have cultural 
practices that presuppose a cer- 
tain human life span," explains 
Rebecca Roache, philosophy 
lecturer at the University of 
London. "The life sentence 
is one of those." According to 
the Sentencing Project, nearly 
50,000 inmates in the U.S. are 
serving life without parole. If a 
man commits a heinous crime 
at 30, should he serve a 270- 
year sentence? Many believe 
they're a different person at 40 
than they were at 18. At what 
point are we punishing some- 
one else entirely? 

But this doesn't make 
death a good thing. Suppose 
you're given a choice between 
immortality and a peaceful 
death at 85. Even if you're 
concerned about what immor- 
tality means for your future, 
it's hard to choose against hav- 
ing a future—and that may 
be the greatest danger. It's 
the tragedy of the commons: 
If we each choose immortal- 
ity out of self-interest, all of us 
will suffer from overpopula- 
tion, resource depletion and 
pollution. For eternal life to 
work for some, others will 
have to be left out. The choice 
is among the thorniest imag- 
inable, and it's nearly here. 
When it comes to death and 
taxes, count your blessings. Mi 


THE DEATH OF 
LAS VEGAS 


These days, "What Happened Here Now 
Happens Elsewhere" would be more apt 


If you've been to a Nevada 
brothel lately—and the odds of 
that are increasingly slim—you 
know it may be the saddest 
place in America. Most are far 
from the glitter of the Strip, 
surrounded by tumbleweed 
and secluded in the worst 
sense of the word. 

Perhaps the nation's hand- 
ful of legal cathouses once 
enjoyed a cachet (or even a 
sheen) of respectability as a 


capitalistic exchange between 
women who preferred the 
work and men who desired an 
encounter free of STDs, wal- 
let theft and blackmail. But 
everything about the mod- 
ern brothel feels pathetically 
retro. With Tinder, OkCupid 
and Ashley Madison, the 

idea that anyone—no mat- 
ter how homely, shriveled or 
awkward—would fly to Vegas, 
drive 70 miles and pay for sex 
in what amounts to a dolled- 
up double-wide is borderline 
absurd. Most would find 

that to-do list so exhausting, 
they'd rather close Expedia, 
open PornoTube and scratch 
the itch themselves. 

This is a real problem for 
Las Vegas and Nevada, names 
once internationally synon- 
ymous with vice and adult 
pleasure. The industry that 
put the "sin" in Sin City is fac- 
ing a death spiral: In 1985, 35 


BRIAN STAUFFER 


123 


Ë] Forum 


brothels employed more than 
1,000 sex workers; today, just 
250 licensed sex workers labor 
in the 16 that remain. These 
days, the clientele is likelier to 
be truckers passing through 
than sophisticated mafiosi of 
the Casino vintage. And the 
buck doesn't stop with the end 
of the sex industry. For 45 
years, Vegas held a monopoly 
on American gambling before 
Atlantic City joined the fun; 
today, casinos can be found 
within a three-hour drive of 
every major city in the conti- 
nental United States. Macau's 
gambling industry now grosses 
more than seven times that of 
the Strip, and Singapore is set 
to muscle Vegas out of second 
place this year or next, with a 
total of two casinos. 

Where else has the Silver 
State lost its chutzpah? Shot- 
gun weddings and no-fault | 
divorces аге now 
par for the course 
in America. Given 
the chance to lead in 
the same-sex mar- 
riage revolution, the 
state enacted a con- 
stitutional ban on 
the right in 2002, 
reversing course only after 
forced to by a federal court 
in 2014. That made Nevada 
the 26th state to recognize gay 
marriage, behind such lib- 
eral strongholds as Utah and 
Oklahoma. Rather than legal- 
ize marijuana in 2006, when 
such flights of fancy were still 
shocking to our Bush-era 
sensitivities, voters defeated 
a proposed measure by 12 
points; six years later, Colo- 
rado approved Amendment 
64, ushering in $53 million in 
tax revenue in 2014 and more 
than a dozen weed-laced vaca- 
tions and tours. And instead of 
approving a legalization bal- 
lot measure last March, after 
more than 100,000 signatures 
of support were delivered 
in a state of 1.4 million vot- 
ers, lawmakers instead moved 
to defer the issue to 2016, by 
which point absolutely nobody 
in the U.S. will still care. 


ву 


| FLIGHT OF THE CALIFORNIANS ww 


* Since 2005, when the Census Bureau's 


American Community Survey began track- 

ing state-to-state migration, ex-Californians 
have made up an average of 38 percent of new 
Nevada residents every year, blowing every 
other state out of the water. They bring with 
them a NIMBY attitude that's killing Nevada's 


5ТЕУЕ 


FRIESS 


Where did the renegades 
who built Nevada on the 
Western frontier ethos of per- 
sonal freedom go? George 
Flint, erstwhile lobbyist for 
the Nevada Brothel Owners 
Association, offers this bitter 
answer: “California. Califor- 
nia happened.” 

For decades, an influx of 
new residents has come in 
like a flood tide from the gold 
rush—folks seeking to escape 
onerous financial regulations 
and California's legend- 
ary social liberalism. "More 
and more people move to 
Nevada, and they like it," 
says Flint. "But once they get 
here, they try to turn it into 
something else." Between 
2005 and 2013 more than 
425,000 Californians went 
east—to a state with a popu- 
lation of 2.8 million—on the 
promise of cheap real estate 
and nary an income 
tax to be seen. And 
they brought their 
conservative roots 
with them. 

Legal prostitu- 
tion was (and is) an 
unpleasant reality for 
these new arrivals, 
but one easily kept out of sight 
by state laws that disallow it in 
counties of more than 400,000 
residents, of which only two 
exist: Clark County (which 
includes Vegas) and Washoe 
County (which includes Reno). 
That covers more than 85 per- 
cent of state residents. Folks 
like Flint know that a state- 
wide vote today could kill the 
trade altogether. He and his 
fellow advocates thus stay as 
under-the-radar as possible— 
not exactly a recipe for 
innovation. When Hollywood 
madam Heidi Fleiss briefly 
floated the idea of opening 
a male brothel in 2005, Flint 
groused it was bait for law- 
makers to tighten industry 
regulations. During the Great 
Recession, when Nevada faced 
the nation’s largest deficit as 
a percent of the state budget, 
Flint and his allies practically 
begged the legislature to tax 


Migrating Californians 


renegade Western buzz and all the fun things it 


once made possible, from pot to prostitution. 


2005 


LODGE 


brothels, the better to ensure 
the industry’s survival. Carson 
City, desperate as it was, cut 
school funding instead. 

In some ways, this was all 
foretold by the Strip’s trans- 
formation into 4.2 miles of 
roller coasters, animal exhib- 
its, magic shows and no fewer 
than eight variations on 
Cirque du Soleil. The edgiest 
thing about “What Happens 
Here Stays Here” became 
how decidedly blasé the decla- 
ration was. It means fun, but 
just enough fun. The old Sin 
City, however, meant whatever 


“More and more 
people move to 
Nevada, and 
they like it. But 
once they get 
here, they try 
to turn it into 
something else.” 


—George Flint, former Nevada Brothel 
Owners Association lobbyist 


you wanted it to mean. 

Vegas's latest resorts per- 
form architectural acrobatics 
that allow guests to go entire 
weeks without glimpsing so 
much as a poker chip; casino 
floors have been fitted with 
beyond-state-of-the-art air- 
filtration systems to capture 
and excise cigarette smoke, lest 
anyone be forced to suffer its 
presence. Gone are the city's 
halcyon days of Swingers; it has 
three Gordon Ramsay restau- 
rants and a four-story M&M's 
store instead. Even The Hang- 
over struck comic gold precisely 
because of its absurdity: While 
Fear and Loathing was funny 
because it was true, The Hang- 
over was funny because its 
joyride could never happen in 
the modern, morally sanitized 
Vegas. Perchance, audiences 
said, to dream. 

This should make any- 
one who cares about liberty 
and vice retch. Maybe this 
milquetoast, pale imitation of 
respectability is what Las Vegas 
wanted to be when it grew up. 
Perhaps, all along, Nevada was 
destined to be nothing more 
interesting than East Califor- 
nia. And maybe variations 
on Disneyland are all Ameri- 
cans want these days. Which is 
fine: America gets what Amer- 
ica wants. Bachelors, we hope 
you're brushing up on your 
Chinese. You're going to need 
it when you're lost in Macau. li 


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ТНЕ WAR АТ HOME. 


SINGER-SONGWRITER HALSEY MAKES A GLOWING DEBUT. 


GOOD COP, BAD COP—THE RIOTS IN FERGUSON AND BALTI- 
MORE HAVE PUT OUR POLICE FORCES IN A PRECARIOUS PLACE. 
ACCORDING TO A RECENT POLL, ONLY HALF OF AMERICANS 
TRUST COPS. AS A RESULT, GROUPS OF CAMERA-TOTING VIG- 
ILANTES, DUBBED "COP WATCHERS," ARE NOW ORGANIZING 
IN THE NATION'S MOST SEGREGATED AREAS. THESE CITIZEN 
BRIGADES TAIL OFFICERS TO KEEP THEM HONEST AND PROM- 
ISE TO UPLOAD EVIDENCE OF ANYTHING ELSE TO YOUTUBE. 
FRANK OWEN TALKS TO BOTH SIDES TO DETERMINE WHETHER 
ACTIVISM ON THE FRONT LINES WILL HELP OR HURT THE CAUSE. 


ANGER MANAGEMENT—FROM A SMALL BUT MEMORABLE ROLE 
ON PARKS AND RECREATION TO HIS POP-CULTURE QUIZ SHOW 
BILLY ON THE STREET AND THE HULU SERIES DIFFICULT PEOPLE, 
BILLY EICHNER IS BEST KNOWN FOR HIS GRATING VOICE AND GEN- 
ERAL CURMUDGEONLINESS. IS IT ALL AN ACT? DESPITE GETTING 
DUMPED BY NETWORKS, BEING CALLED UGLY BY HIS CO-STAR 
AND LOSING A DAYTIME EMMY TO CASH CAB, EICHNER REMAINS 
PRETTY RATIONAL, AS ROB TANNENBAUM LEARNS IN 200. 


DADDY ISSUES—JOEL STEIN LOVES HIS PARENTS, BUT THAT 
DOESN’T MEAN HE WANTS THEM TEXTING HIM, FACEBOOKING 
HIM OR ASKING INCESSANT QUESTIONS ABOUT HIS PERSONAL 
LIFE. HE IS 44, AFTER ALL. BUT HIS PARENTS STILL TREAT HIM LIKE 
А PREPUBESCENT TEEN. SOUND FAMILIAR? IN THE MEN COLUMN, 


WALTER WHO? BRYAN CRANSTON'S NEXT CHAPTER. 


NEXT MONTH 


CULTURE VULTURE BILLY EICHNER. 


STEIN EXPLAINS WHY, NO MATTER WHAT OUR AGE, WE'LL NEVER 
STOP FEELING ANNOYED WITH THOSE WHO RAISED US. 


THE RESURRECTION OF X—IN ITS HEYDAY, ECSTASY PUMPED 
FREELY—AND LEGALLY—THROUGH THE VEINS OF STARLETS AND 
CLUB KIDS AROUND THE WORLD. VARIOUSLY KNOWN AS ADAM, 
MDMA AND THE HUG DRUG, IT WAS BANNED BY THE U.S. GOVERN- 
MENT IN 1985, THWARTING PSYCHEDELICS RESEARCHERS AND 
CAUSING IMPURE KNOCKOFFS TO FLOOD THE MARKET. ON THE 
EVE OF THE BAN'S 30TH ANNIVERSARY, PETER SIMEK TRACES 
HOW A PILL ORIGINALLY DISPENSED AT A DALLAS NIGHTCLUB 
TURNED INTO A STILL-THRIVING CULTURAL PHENOMENON. 


GRAPHIC STORYTELLING—AHEAD OF THE RELEASE OF THE HATE- 
FUL EIGHT, QUENTIN TARANTINO'S MOVIE ABOUT A RAGTAG 
GANG OF GUNSLINGERS TRAPPED IN A BLIZZARD, THE DIRECTOR 
HANDED OVER HIS SCRIPT TO ILLUSTRATOR ZACH MEYER FOR A 
GRAPHIC-NOVEL ADAPTATION. THE RESULT IS OUR EXCLUSIVE 
EIGHT-PAGE INTRODUCTION—EQUALLY GORY AND GLORIOUS— 
TO A FILM THAT MAY VERY WELL BEST DJANGO UNCHAINED. 


PLUS—BRYAN CRANSTON TALKS LIFE AFTER BREAKING BAD 
IN THE PLAYBOY INTERVIEW, INDIE POP ARTIST HALSEY STRIPS 
DOWN FOR BECOMING ATTRACTION, MISS DECEMBER DELIVERS 
THE PERFECT GIFT AND MORE IN OUR GALA CHRISTMAS ISSUE. 


Playboy (ISSN 0032-1478), November 2015, volume 62, number 9. Published monthly except for combined January/February and July/August issues by Playboy in national and regional editions, 
Playboy, 9346 Civic Center Drive, Beverly Hills, California 90210. Periodicals postage paid at Beverly Hills, California and at additional mailing offices. Canada Post Canadian Publications Mail Sales 
Product Agreement No. 40035534. Subscriptions: in the U.S., $32.97 for a year: Postmaster: Send ай UAA to CFS (see DMM 707.4.19.5); nonpostal and military facilities, send address changes to Playboy, 
PO. Box 62260, Tampa, FL 33662-2260. From time to time we make our subscriber list available to companies that sell goods and services by mail that we believe would interest our readers. If you would 
rather not receive such mailings, please send your current mailing label to: Playboy, PO. Box 62260, Tampa, FL, 33662-2260. For subscription-related questions, e-mail playboy@customersvc.com. 


| 2 72 
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