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A REVEALING RETURN
TO THE MANSION

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| ollywood peoples are EE a
22-year-old F ela Anderso
Ш Што us in 1990. ЭГ та ems
too, so I guess I belong here.” That Play-
mate shoot proved to be her big break.
Even then she had a vision of where she
was going, writing that being a Playmate
meant “the start of something big!”—as if
she knew she'd soon capture the hearts
and minds of millions. Behind each of her
sultry poses, Pam has always been the
savviest woman in the room. Who better
than James Franco, another dreamer,
to delve into the stunning icon's history
with хаад With БІНЕН рһоїодгарһу
Бу Е оп Unwerth, Pamela is ап
Мо way to kick off the new year.
Miscellany maven Ben Schott delivers In
the Court of King George, a trove of casino
trivia that reveals the back-of-house machi-
nations of one of the most secretive, richly
mythologized industries we know. In his
Playboy Interview with Contributing Edi-
tor Stephen Rebello, Ron Howard provides
new insight into his career, past
and present. The actor, director
and Tinseltown Renaissance
man may never escape his
nice-guy reputation, but he con-
quered the film industry in part
by silencing critics and quell-
ing insubordinates; his latest,
In the Heart of the Sea, is out
now. In January, peerless for-
mer Daly SNOW correspondent
Saman Bee takes her seat
at an exclusive table as the only
woman hosting a late-night talk
show in America. The TBS debut
of Full Frontal With Samantha
Bee promises to be hilarious;
hear Bee's take on how she's
prepared to lead the charge in a Talk
Q&A. In Forum's “Gender Politics," Steve
Friess parses the state of libertarianism,
another male-dominated arena, and how
the movement's roots and beliefs would
seem to contradict its sausage-fest reality.
The moviemaking Duplass brothers explain
in 20Q how they've built their careers into
a near-invincible creative force in ihe film
u while photographers H y &
1 9 take the offbeat duo fora а swim—
literally: If you're feeling the need for a
testosterone tidal wave, turn to Marcus
mick's Cars of the Year, where rides set to
turn heads and tear through our daydreams
are road-tested and PLavBov-approved.
Saving the best for last, in Year in Sex,
Research Chief Nora O'Donnell surveys
2015, from Caitlyn Jenner to Fifty Shades
of Grey. We consider Pamela's turn in these
pages to be the first word on 2016. "I hope
that when people see me in PLAYBOY," she
told us in 1990, "they'll see more than the
surface." If they didn't then, they do now.

PLAYBILL

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FRAGRANCES FOR HIM

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playboystore.com Ш Е

Libero Ferrero

i LIFE AND DEATH ^
E ON THE ROPES
!.УУпетга Mexican luchador

B dies in the ring, a theatrical
i sport has to reckon with

; cold realities. By THOMAS
i GOLIANOPOULOS

: IN THE COURT OF

: KING GEORGE

i Consider BEN SCHOTT's

E compendium of casino

i tricks and terminology your
i personal keys to Sin City.

: YEAR IN SEX 2015

i NORA O'DONNELL surveys the
: American sexual landscape

} after aboundary-pushing year.

: WELCOME TO

: WAKALIWOOD

i DANIEL C. BRITT follows

i two filmmakers in Uganda as

i they battle to translate viral

: celebrity into Western success.

i CARS OF THE YEAR

i MARCUS AMICK profiles

: nine top-performing vehicles
i hitting the road in 2016.

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NP Pamela
‚ Anderson

: CROW COUNTRY
MOSES

: Gettinglostinrural

: Montana turns out to bea

: RON HOWARD i good way for a father and

Does the nicest director : son to find each other.

in show business have any i By CALLAN WINK

surprises left? STEPHEN

REBELLO shakes out a slew.

surprise
| 4 y me, our

: THE DUPLASS bit-andthe
: BROTHERS | ee world—still gets

; STEPHEN REBELLO reveals "A8 lostin Pam; bril-
B ‘thé methods behind the oütré liantsex appeal.
“+ Hollywood duo’s madness.

2-5: PHOTOGRAPHY

`` TBIS PAGE AND COVER
BY ELLEN VON UNWERTH

PLAYMATES: Amberleigh West, Kristy Garett

A MORAL
MAJORITY

MELBA NEWS

uncovers a new (small-
government, pro-life,
bureaucracy-averse) ally
in the crusade to abolish
the death penalty:
conservatives.

QtA

SAMANTHA BEE
JENNA MAROTTA quizzes
the former Daily Show
correspondent about

what it takes to become
America’s only female
late-night talk show host.

MELT WITH YOU
Elevate Valentine’s Day
chocolate from trite to
tantalizing with recipes
curated by JUL

GENDER POLITICS
Modern libertarianism is
a sausage fest.

88 dissects why.

SNEAKS FOR SNOW
Winter is no excuse for
letting your shoe game
slip. VINCENT BOUCHE
rounds up kicks with
flair and brawn to spare.

VOL. 63, NO. 1-JANUARY/FEBRUARY 2016

PLAYBOY

CONTENTS

PLAYMATE REVIEW
Welcometo the second

mostimportant election of
2016: Playmate of the Year.

RUNNING WILD
Framed by nature, Miss
January Amberleigh West
blooms with sensuality.

AN AMERICAN

WORLD OF
PLAYBOY

Ghouls, ghosts, Bunnies
and celebs haunt the Man-
sion on Halloween; Rachel
Harris debuts surreal art.

PLAYBILL

ae Krist DEAR PLAYBOY
Garett, ee mundi AFTER HOURS
with cosmopolitan tastes, ENTERTAINMENT
is athome in a sexy fan- RAW DATA
tasy asthe girl next door. PLAYBOY
ADVISOR
PAMELA PARTY JOKES
Alivinglegendreturns

tothe magazine where it
all began.

20Q: Duplass Brothers

PLAYBOY ON PLAYBOY ON PLAYBOY ON
FACEBOOK TWITTER INSTAGRAM

OCIAL Keep up with all things Playboy at
facebook.com/playboy, twitter.com/playboy
and instagram.com/playboy.

GENERAL OFFICES: PLAYBOY, 9346 CIVIC CENTER DRIVE, BEVERLY HILLS, CALIFORNIA 90210.
PLAYBOY ASSUMES NO RESPONSIBILITY TO RETURN UNSOLICITED EDITORIAL OR GRAPHIC OR
OTHER MATERIAL. ALL RIGHTS IN LETTERS AND UNSOLICITED EDITORIAL AND GRAPHIC MATE-
RIAL WILL BE TREATED AS UNCONDITIONALLY ASSIGNED FOR PUBLICATION AND COPYRIGHT
PURPOSES, AND MATERIAL WILL BE SUBJECT TO PLAYBOY'S UNRESTRICTED RIGHT TO EDIT AND
TO COMMENT EDITORIALLY. CONTENTS COPYRIGHT © 2015 BY PLAYBOY. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
PLAYBOY, PLAYMATE AND RABBIT HEAD SYMBOL ARE MARKS OF PLAYBOY, REGISTERED U.S.
TRADEMARK OFFICE. NO PART OF THIS BOOK MAY BE REPRODUCED, STORED IN A RETRIEVAL
SYSTEM OR TRANSMITTED IN ANY FORM BY ANY ELECTRONIC, MECHANICAL, PHOTOCOPY-
ING OR RECORDING MEANS OR OTHERWISE WITHOUT PRIOR WRITTEN PERMISSION OF THE
PUBLISHER. ANY SIMILARITY BETWEEN THE PEOPLE AND PLACES IN THE FICTION AND SEMI-
FICTION IN THIS MAGAZINE AND ANY REAL PEOPLE AND PLACES IS PURELY COINCIDENTAL
FOR CREDITS SEE PAGE 138. MBI/DANBURY MINT AND DIRECTV ONSERTS IN DOMESTIC SUB-
SCRIPTION POLYWRAPPED COPIES. CERTIFICADO DE LICITUD DE TÍTULO NO. 7570 DE FECHA
29 DE JULIO DE 1993, Y CERTIFICADO DE LICITUD DE CONTENIDO NO. 5108 DE FECHA 29 DE
JULIO DE 1993 EXPEDIDOS POR LA COMISÍON CALIFICADORA DE PUBLICACIONES Y REVIS-
TAS ILUSTRADAS DEPENDIENTE DE LA SECRETARÍA DE GOBERNACIÓN, MÉXICO. RESERVA DE
DERECHOS 04-2000-071710332800-102.

PRINTED IN U.S.A.

ы,
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PLAYBOY

HUGH M. HEFNER

editor-in-chief

JASON BUHRMESTER
editorial director
STEPHEN RANDALL deputy editor
MAC LEWIS creative director
HUGH GARVEY executive editor
REBECCA H. BLACK photo director
JARED EVANS managing editor

EDITORIAL
SHANE MICHAEL SINGH associate editor; TYLER TRYKOWSKI assistant editor
COPY: WINIFRED ORMOND copy chief; CAT AUER senior copy editor
RESEARCH: NORA O'DONNELL research chief; SAMANTHA SAIYAVONGSA research editor
STAFF: GILBERT MACIAS editorial coordinator
CARTOONS: AMANDA WARREN associate cartoon editor
CONTRIBUTING EDITORS: VINCE BEISER, Т.С. BOYLE, ROBERT В. DE SALVO, NEAL GABLER, KARL TARO GREENFELD, DAVID HOCHMAN,

ARTHUR KRETCHMER (automotive), CHUCK PALAHNIUK, ROCKY RAKOVIC, STEPHEN REBELLO, DAVID RENSIN, DAVID SHEFF, DON WINSLOW

JAMES ROSEN special correspondent

ART

CHRIS DEACON senior art director; AARON LUCAS art manager; LAUREL LEWIS assistant art director

PHOTOGRAPHY
STEPHANIE MORRIS playmate photo editor; EVAN SMITH photo researcher; GAVIN BOND, SASHA EISENMAN, JOSH REED, JOSH RYAN senior contributing photographers;
DAVID BELLEMERE, MITCHELL FEINBERG, ELAYNE LODGE, MICHAEL MULLER, PAUL SIRISALEE, PEGGY SIROTA, PETER YANG contributing photographers;
KEVIN MURPHY director, photo library; CHRISTIE HARTMANN senior archivist, photo library; KARLA GOTCHER photo coordinator;

AMY KASTNER-DROWN Senior digital imaging specialist

PRODUCTION

LESLEY K. JOHNSON production director; HELEN YEOMAN production services manager

PUBLIC RELATIONS

THERESA M. HENNESSEY vice president; TERI THOMERSON director

PLAYBOY ENTERPRISES INTERNATIONAL, INC.
SCOTT FLANDERS chief executive officer
DAVID G. ISRAEL chief operating officer, president, playboy media
PHILLIP MORELOCK Chief digital officer
cory JONES chief content officer

TOM FLORES senior vice president, business manager, playboy media

ADVERTISING AND MARKETING
MATT MASTRANGELO senior vice president, chief revenue officer and publisher; MARIE FIRNENO vice president, advertising director;
RUSSELL SCHNEIDER executive director, integrated media sales; AMANDA CIVITELLO vice president, events and promotions
NEW YORE: MALICK CISSE director of advertising operations and programmatic sales; ANGELA LEE digital campaign manager;
MICHELLE TAFARELLA MELVILLE entertainment director; ADAM WEBB Spirits director; MICHAEL GEDONIUS account director; TYLER HULTS senior account director;
MAGGIE MCGEE direct-response advertising coordinator; OLIVIA BIORDI media sales planner; JASMINE YU marketing director;
TIMOTHY KELLEPOUREY integrated marketing director; KARI JASPERSOHN associate director, marketing and activation; AMANDA CHOMICZ digital marketing manager;
ADRIANA GARCIA art director; VOULA LYTRAS executive assistant to senior vice president, chief revenue officer and publisher
CHICAGO: TIFFANY SPARKS ABBOTT midwest director

LOS ANGELES: DINA LITT west coast account director; KRISTI ALLAIN senior marketing manager; VICTORIA FREDERICK sales assistant

Playboy (ISSN 0032-1478), January/February 2016, volume 63, number 1. Published monthly except for combined January/February and July/August issues by Playboy in national and regional editions,
Playboy, 9346 Civic Center Drive, Beverly Hills, California 90210. Periodicals postage paid at Beverly Hills, California and at additional mailing offices. Canada Post Canadian Publications Mail Sales
Product Agreement No. 40035534. Subscriptions: in the U.S., $32.97 for a year. Postmaster: Send ай UAA to CFS (see DMM 707.4.12.5); nonpostal and military facilities, send address changes to Playboy,
PO. Box 62260, Tampa, FL 33662-2260. From time to time we make our subscriber list available to companies that sell goods and services by mail that we believe would interest our readers. If you would
rather not receive such mailings, please send your current mailing label to: Playboy, PO. Box 62260, Tampa, FL, 33662-2260. For subscription-related questions, e-mail playboy @customersvc.com.

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PLAYBOY / JANI ARY/FEBRUARY 2016

WORLI

SICHTINGS /

) of

NIGHTLIFE NOTES

PLAYMATE

MANSION FROLICS /

Playboy

PAST

سے
and‏
—

PRESENT

MONSTERS BALL AT THE MANSION

The happiest place on earth for adults
became the creepiest for one night in
October when Playboy hosted its an-
nual Halloween bash at Hef’s house.
Bedecked in a haunted-circus vibe, the
Mansion turned topsy-turvy as menac-
ing clowns traipsed the grounds on stilts,

eerie nymphs inhabited the Grotto and
Playmates got their spook on. Music exec
Randy Jackson (bottom left), Straight Outta
Compton’s Keith Powers (bottom middle),
girl next door Kendra Wilkinson (bottom
right) and others viewed the madness
from atop a 45-foot Ferris wheel.

PLAYMATE
NEWS

SILKY SMOOTH
* Miss August 2015
Dominique Jane
smolders in silk from
the Fleur du Mal x
Playboy lingerie line,
now available at
FleurDuMal.com—
justin time for
Valentine’s Day.

In August
1958, Hef intro-
duced readers
to cartoonist
Jules Feiffer. His
satirical images
of our “urban,
sick society”
were so beloved
that he contin-
ued to draw for
PLAYBOY well
into the 1980s,
ultimately win-
ning a Pulitzer
in 1986. Now,
director Dan

Mirvish 15
bringing one of
Feiffer's most
famous series,
Bernard and
Huey, to the big
screen. Featur-
ing an original
script and new
drawings by
Feiffer, includ-
ing this one,
production on
the Kickstarter-
backed comedy
kicks off this
spring.

2016 Review Guide,

AMPED UP

° Stephanie Bran-

ton, Dani Mathers
and Alexandra

Tyler rock the cover
of Guitar World's

flaunting their best
assets alongside the
best axes.

tors Picks: THE BEST GEAR OF THE YEAR!

PLAYBOY

THE PSYCHE OF RACHEL HARRIS

eb Fresh from celebrating her Miss pieces ranging from five to 12 feet

November 2015 pictorial, Rachel long, the brightly colored, textured

Harris debuted her second solo art collection was inspired by psyche- @
exhibition, Psychedelic Show, in delic rock. To see more of Rachel’s WANDERLUST
December at the Well studio in Los artwork, including items for sale, EMBODIED
Angeles. Comprising 15 abstract visit RachelTHarris.com. * Miss February

PUPPY LOVE

» Miss February 2008
Michelle McLaughlin has
loved animals ever since
she was her neighbor-
hood's pet sitter as a

kid. Today, the mother to
three rescue dogs works
with the Silky Terrier
Rescue Charitable Trust
to nurse abandoned dogs
back to health and find
them loving homes. “My
goal is to open my own
sanctuary so | can save as
many lives as possible,”
she says. To see the pups
Michelle has helped res-
cue that are now up for
adoption in L.A., check
out her Instagram ac-
count @poundpuppiesla.

FIT FRIENDS
* Miss October
2015 Ana Cheri's
latest fitness e-book,
The Gentleman's
Guide to Strength
& Attraction, will
whip you back into
shape after all those
Christmas cookies.

el» Buttoning up is
not our favorite ac-
tivity, but when the
winter winds howl
and there’s a new
Supreme x Playboy
leather jacket to be
worn, who are we to
protest? The slick,
puffy coat ($798,

SupremeNewYork
.com) 15 available in
red, brown or black,
has down filling and
faux fur to keep you
feeling warm and
of course features

a Rabbit Head pat-
tern to keep you
looking cool.

Kristy Garett
takes a break
from travel-
ing for some
poolside R&R
in L.A. See her
extended picto-
rial online.

COOL BROS

“Тһе Duplass
duo also takes a
dip in the pool
for 20Q, though
we can't say it’s
as sexy as Miss
February’s

INFORMED
VOTING
» Before casting
your vote for
PMOY 2016,
check out our
special section
to learn more
about the 12
Playmates up
for election

асаг PLAYBOY

ALGORITHM NATION

Algorithm is an unfamiliar word, but
don't be afraid; it’s just a collection of let-
ters that when combined make a sound
that indicates a word and its meaning
(Resistance Is Futile, November). These
letters are simply tools that, when com-
bined in certain arrangements, perform
tasks for humans. That is all an algorithm
is—a collection of information. Just be-
cause it’s digital doesn’t make it any
more dangerous than a phone book.
Anyone awed by the supposed power of
algorithms should try a Google search
and wade through 1,000 “answers” be-
fore they find what they're looking for.
It’s as sinister as a teddy bear.

Julius Zimmerman
Cleveland, Ohio

“Resistance is futile” is right. Chris-
topher Steiner brilliantly examines
р у

LIVE LONG AND PROSPER
Bring on immortality (“The Dark Side
of Eternal Life,” Forum, November). I’m
25 and already worried about not hav-
ing enough time. As Jason Silverstein
says, there will be winners and losers;
extended life is a prize we should expect

people to fight over.

Joe Johnson
Seattle, Washington

MAGIC IN MICHIGAN

Daniel Radcliffe is a great actor (200,
November). I love that he had such a posi-
tive experience when visiting Michigan.
Га like to think the Mitten State's wel-

come mat will always be out for him.
Kate Franklin
Detroit, Michigan

B-I-N-G-O

Christoph Waltz's Playboy Interview
(November) was fascinating and insight-
ful. Only a well-trained Method actor
could portray a Nazi colonel exclaiming
“Ooh, that's a bingo!” with such fiend-
ish giddiness. Mentors Lee Strasberg and

Stella Adler would be proud.
David Fixler
Grand Rapids, Michigan

TWICE AS NICE

In the October Dear Playboy (“Of Ath-
letes and Asterisks”) a writer suggests one
way to deal with steroids in sports “18 to
create two different leagues— natural’ ver-
sus “enhanced.'” Following that thinking,

how our future is beginning to look
less like the one Marty McFly visited in
Back to the Future Part П and more like
the one George Orwell envisioned in
1984. Will algorithms enjoy our com-
pany? Not if they're like any other big
brother Гуе ever met.

Jared Smith
Los Angeles, California
I was reassured after reading

"What Code Isn't" (Forum, October)
that computer software will never
supplant human intelligence and an
inability to code won't render me
unemployable and obsolete. Then,
Resistance Is Futile convinced me I
should just give up and surrender to
our robot overlords. Perhaps the first-
rate thinkers at PLAYBOY can hold two
such opposing ideas in mind and still

should I expect my PLAYBOY subscrip-
tion in two editions, one natural and one
enhanced? I wouldn't mind doubling up!

Garry Shelley

Southampton, New York

SOCK IT TO US

I enjoyed Who Is This Man and What Has
He Done lo Boxing? (November). I don't
follow pro boxing, though maybe I will
now that Al Haymon's Premier Boxing
Champions has made deals with network

TV. My interest in the sport is personal:
I take classes as part of my Parkinson's
therapy. We don't slug each other, but the
stretching and strength training (not to
mention the gym community) have done
wonders. I’m glad Haymon’s series will
bring boxing to a wider audience.
Frank Stern
New York, New York

Okay, PLAYBOY, enough with the box-
ing stories already. We get it! You have a

а
Ч

id IA a "ERA

function, but for me the mixed mes-
sage does not compute.

Stewart Ramsay

Somerville, Massachusetts

fetish. We all have them, and your pub-

lication is the first to let us know that's

totally okay. But plenty of other sports
deserve your coverage.

Danny Tandoni

San Antonio, Texas

Turn to Life and Death on the Ropes, about

wrestling star Pedro “Hijo del Perro” Aguayo,

on page 50.

TAN-TALIZING LINES
The young women featured in Girls
of the Big 12 (October) are tan all over.
The thing about tan lines, from a
purely psychological point of view, is
that it's more exciting to look at some-
thing that appears to have been cov-
ered up and then revealed than it is
to see something that looks as if it has

always been on display.
Rick Meyerson
Spokane, Washington

MENACES TO SOCIETY?

Cody Wilson, whose products allow
anyone to 3-D-print firearms, is obvi-
ously an intelligent inventor (The Perfect
Weapon, October). He's also a relentless
self-promoter with no apparent regard for
the consequences of his actions. As such, 1
think he's a danger to society. The National
Rifle Association was founded in 1871 to
promote marksmanship, and many Ameri-
cans embraced it. Nearly a hundred years
later, the NRA leadership was replaced
with individuals who had politicized goals,
and the character of the organization was

fundamentally altered. The boycott of
Smith & Wesson’s smart gun, as William
Wheeler reports, is one consequence of
this. Why does the NRA spend its time,
money and energy on endeavors such as
blocking research into gun fatalities? The
NRA itself has become a danger to soci-
ety. As citizens of a free country we need
to be aware of our freedoms and examine
closely those individuals and organizations
that would, under the guise of protect-
ing our rights, instead manipulate us to
achieve their own ends.

Jim Campbell

Aurora, Illinois

DUSK DELIGHTS
Polina Putilova (Before Sunset, Octo-
ber) is one of the sexiest women to ever
grace your magazine. She has the face
of a goddess.
Ken Ray
Reno, Nevada

FRIENDS IN HIGH PLACES

The Playboy Interview with Joseph
Gordon-Levitt (October), who plays
Philippe Petit in The Walk, reminds me
of a personal story. I lived in San Juan,
Puerto Rico between 1973 and 1975,
working as an air traffic controller. On
my days off, I frequented the casinos
and lounges of local hotels, including
the Americana (which has since been
renamed). There, I met a vacationing
Petit, and we became friends. I told him I
was an ex-paratrooper with 19 jumps, but
I ain't walking no high-wire tightrope. Не
surprised me by saying he would never
jump out of an airplane (which is not
nearly as death-defying as walking on a

high wire). Nice guy; I liked him.
Joe Mercer
Memphis, Tennessee

A WORK OF ART
Rachel Harris’s pictorial is simply
inspiring—such natural beauty (A Cre-
ative Force, November). Where can I find
her paintings online?
David Chastain
Houston, Texas
Her art is visible in the background of her
pictorial images. To see more, visit the video and
photo galleries at Playmates.com/rachel-harris.
And check out this month’s World of Playboy.

Rachel Harris’s captivating presence
personifies everything your magazine
was, is and shall ever be: a celebration of all
things female—beauty, talent and charm.

Paul De Georgio
Saratoga Springs, New York

ON THE SEX-PARTY BEAT
I'm a die-hard PLAYBOY fan. I love the
September issue—run more articles like
Hugh Garvey’s Eyes Wide Open, please.
Keith Clark

Framingham, Massachusetts

IT’S A RING THING

I appreciate Dr. James Andrews's obvi-
ous intelligence and the work he’s done
in the field of athletic medicine (The
Most Important Man in Sports, October).
However, I was surprised to see a 2014
Alabama SEC Championship ring iden-
tified as an Auburn championship ring.

The script A on the ring is the unmistak-

able logo of the University of Alabama;
Auburn’s logo is a block AU. Roll Tide!

J.M. Reed

Hoover, Alabama

Nice catch! The photograph is indeed of

a championship ring from Alabama, not

Auburn. Dr. Andrews acts as a physician for

both rival teams.

RED ALL OVER

Thank you for the double dose of fire
in November (Seeing Red). The models
are hotter than ghost peppers. In her
Playmate pictorial (Home Body, Novem-
ber 2014), Gia Marie says she’d be happy
if her photos sparked redhead fantasies.
Along with Dominique Jane, she has

accomplished that mission.
Jose Gutierrez
Miami, Florida

Getting cozy: Gia Marie and Dominique Jane.

Seeing Red is one of your absolute best
pictorials—two gorgeous women and
fantastically shot.

Scott Krol
Roswell, Georgia

The way Dominique Jane and Gia
Marie nestle together in Seeing Red por-
trays an intimacy that transcends sexuality.
I am drawn to the photo of the pair read-
ing head-to-head from a book, but when
I turn back to their pose captured for the
Table of Contents, 1 bow to their bliss.

Ken Crockett
Austin, Texas

BEST GIFT EVER

The first Christmas I was married, my
wife gave me a one-year subscription. We
just celebrated our 50th anniversary, and
I still read PLAYBOY cover to cover. The
only downside to reading your great
magazine for more than 50 years is that
I already know most of the Parly Jokes.
Keep up the great work. Thanks to my
wife and to PLAYBOY for 50 fantastic years.
Mike Pinkosky
Beacon Falls, Connecticut
Congratulations on your anniversary —and

on your fine taste in reading malerial.

FOLLOW THE MONEY

Joshua Foust falls short of under-
standing why America loses wars (Why
the Other Guys Keep Winning, September).
It is not the military (or even the broken
political system that controls it) that's to
blame. Rather, American exceptional-
ism, the existence of no true rival pow-
er and the needs of business interests
(a.k.a. the military-industrial complex)
that leech taxpayer money fuel these
unjust wars. When the amount of mon-
ey that can be made on soft-power stints
eclipses the profits from warfare, then

Foust's approach will prevail.
Brock Bevan
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

THE CHERI ON TOP
Thanks for the gorgeous shoot of Miss
October Ana Cheri (Ma Cheri). Amazing
work by everyone involved. She wins my
vote for PMOY 2016.
Mike D’Orfeo
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania

You could run a picture of Ana Cheri
in every issue and it would go over well.
Jack Nestor

Pleasant Hill, California

Michael Bernard's photography is out-
standing, but the two personal photos of
Ana Cheri wearing bikinis in her Data
Sheet are my favorites.

Scott Raiger
Stuttgart, Germany

E-mail LETTERS@PLAYBOY.COM or write 9346 CIVIC CENTER DRIVE, BEVERLY HILLS, CALIFORNIA 90210

A RO US В SENSES

EXPERIENCE
THE HIGHEST х
GRADE OF SAKE

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SHERIDAN: HAIR BY BOBBY ELIOT FOR TMG-LA; MAKEUP BY KRISTEE LIU FOR TMG-LA

STYLING BY TAYLOR

BECOMING
ATTRACTION

“ГМ NOT AFRAID
of pushing myself
to my physical
limits and being
the woman who
stands out,” says
Lindsey Morgan,
breakout star of
the CW’s apoca-
lyptic adventure
series The ТОО.
Unlike that of
many TV ingenues
who play badass
newbies, Lindsey’s
physicality isn’t
an act. She grew
up playing water
polo, she has
trekked across
Asia, and she
gladly taps into a
no-holds-barred
attitude to shame-
lessly showcase
her sexy swagger.
“I can handle any-
thing on my own,”
she says. “Living
any other way is a
waste of time.”

Photography by
JOSH REED

Y TALK | WHAT MATTERS NOW

CAN FORMULA ONE
MAKE IT IN AMERICA?

NASCAR'S FANCIER COUSIN SPINS ITS WHEELS

ifteen miles southeast of downtown

Austin, Texas is a strange place for a

car race traditionally associated with

glamorous European cultural centers.

But last October 25, officials waved the

green flag to signal the start of the U.S.
Grand Prix. Formula One cars driven by superstars
such as England’s Lewis Hamilton and Germany’s
Sebastian Vettel zipped around 20 turns on the 3.4-
mile track; Hamilton took home the hardware. The
event is akin to LeBron James, Kobe Bryant and
Kevin Durant playing an NBA game in Manila, and
it shows how serious F1's leadership is about gain-
ing traction in the American market. But the sport
is struggling internationally, and even if it becomes
ahit here, the efforts may be too late.

While Fl can't boast nearly the domestic popular-
ity of NASCAR or IndyCar—the highest F1 televi-
sion ratings are dwarfed by those of traditional
American racing styles—the U.S. Grand Prix has

actually been around for 108 years, debuting in 1908.

Multiple venues have hosted the race; the Indianap-
olis Motor Speedway did so between 2000 and 2007
before a four-year U.S. absence that ended when
Austin’s Circuit of the Americas opened in 2012.

Attendance at the three-day festival dropped
from 265,499 in 2012 to 237,406 in 2014, but F1
continues its U.S. push. A race in New Jersey isa
perennial discussion topic: NASCAR team owner
Gene Haas will launch an F1 effort in the 2016
season. But it’s hardly a gasoline-injected process.

“When F1 comes here, it comes as a side,” says
Scott Speed, one of the most recent American
drivers to race in an Fl car. “It feels different than
it does in other countries.”

For Е1 to build an audience in the U.S., says Tom
Webb, director of motorsports event marketing for
the Circuit of the Americas, the sport needs three
things: a race (check), a team (check, sometime this
year) and a driver Americans can root for. Alexander
Rossi, a24-year-old from California, is the best hope
behind the wheel. He currently races in GP2, F1's
Triple-A league, and is the only American to have
an FIA super license, which is required to race in
the F1 World Championship. “Ifyou can’t go to that
race and root for an American driver or an American
team, there are only so many who will be into it,”
Rossi says. (Speed’s experience seems to confirm
that. “When I was racing, I was a million times more
popular in China than I was in America,” he says.)

But the sport faces a deeper crisis on a global
scale. Red Bull owner Dietrich Mateschitz has
threatened to pull funding from his powerful Red
Bull team because of rising costs and inadequate
engines. Private equity firm CVC Capital Partners,
widely derided for putting profits ahead of the
sport's future, might sell its 35 percent stake in F1.
Races in countries including Bahrain, Abu Dhabi
and Azerbaijan (and, to some extent, the U.S.) are
seen as cash grabs, while traditional F1 strongholds
such as Germany and France have given up on host-
ing duties altogether.

Resolving the difficulties that face the sport
makes a pit stop look simple. In order to thrive, F1
racing in the U.S. needs to become a destination
event for more than gearheads. In America’s over-
crowded sports landscape, that’s a huge barrier to
overcome. One has to wonder how much time Aus-
tin organizers, and F1in general, have until the gas
meter reads E.—Noah Davis

MORAL
MATING

/e 'em or
con
doms remain
a birth control
mainstay for
good reason
They're conve
nient, afford

Ч е
tion raisec
Whole Foods
and organic
everything
even ultra-
engineereq
latex condoms
are problematic
because they’re
de
casein, a milk
protein. The
/egan
In the
1990s
lian co
Glyde started

selling a vegan

prophylactic

swaps pro-

y plant
racts for

casein. In more

recent y

luxe brand
such as Sir

Richard’s and
L. Condoms
1 Up.

a bur

ing market

fair trade and
eco-friendly
5 third
rid dona
Don't cry
millennials

Trojan man

—— £ oo

SAVE POINT

HOW DO YOU ARCHIVE A VIDEO GAME? JUST PRESS START

ne Friday nightin
June at the Univer-
sity of Michigan,
with the dorms
empty and the
campus eerily
calm, one building still rocked: the
library. In one corner, kids searched
for a zombie cure in Dark Souls II on
a PlayStation4. Nearby, on an Xbox
360, some friends used Fight Night
Round 3 to find out what it might
have looked like if Muhammad Ali
fought Oscar De La Hoya. Else-
where, a rowdy bunch were beat-
ing the crap out of one another in a
noisy game of Super Smash Bros. on
a Wii while a young woman sat with
an iPad, trying to best the space-
adventure mobile game Alone.

No one hushes anyone in the
Computer and Video Game Archive,
a1,400-square-foot basement lair
within UM's engineering complex.
The CVGA—which may be the cool-
est repository of knowledge since
the Sumerians invented the library—
boasts nearly 6,000 video games that
can be played for free on more than
50 consoles, from the classic Atari
2600 to the Xbox 360 with Kinect.
At other video game archives,
such as the ones at Stanford or the
Library of Congress, the public
doesn't get to, you know, play.

MOST
CITED

Sure, researchers
tout the academic
merits of the CVGA,
but its three most
checked-out titles,
according to Dave
Carter, share one
distinct quality:
They're pure fun.

Why is F/FA the
popular title? A simple reason—
people love sports.

“We wanted a space that fulfills
academic purposes and also encour-
ages people to use these games,”
says Dave Carter, the engineering
librarian who founded the collec-
tion in 2008 with 20 titles, a PS3, an
Xbox and an original Wii. He has an
annual budget of $13,000 to acquire
new materials (the latest games and
systems), but most of the CVGA's
growth is a result of donors clearing
out their garages of ancient e-junk.
That's how Carter landed such
obscure systems as the short-lived
early-1980s cult favorite Vectrex and
the once-hot-in-Japan Game Boy
knockoff WonderSwan. The favorites
of every era are here, from an origi-
nal 1975 home version Pong machine
and the all-text adventure Zork
to Call of Duty and Candy Crush.
There's even a Commodore 64 with
aclassic old-school cassette deck to
load software. Carter's most popular
title? “FIFA,” he says, “on any system
we can get it.”

Along with the fun and games, the
archive has serious academic bona
fides. Engineering classes swing
by for lessons on programming and
game design, and various humani-
ties classes see research value in the
collection. “Professors bring stu-
dents in to study the psychological
aspect of games, or a cultural studies

CVGA's most

First-person shooters are abid-
ing favorites; Call of Duty: Black
Ops Il was 2015's hottest.

class will compare how Japanese
samurai are depicted in differ-

ent titles,” says Valerie Waldron,

the CVGA's manager. One group of
students used a car-racing game to
examine the effects of texting while
driving; a poster on the wall of the
CVGA advertises a new class coming
this fall on video game music.

The collection was suggested by
art professor Phoebe Gloeckner, who
wanted to incorporate game design,
history and culture into her lectures.
“Thisis our cultural history,” says
Gloeckner. Video games, she says, are
“a medium like any other—like paint-
ing, like literature. There's the possi-
bility of multiple masterpieces. It can
do the same thing a novel does, take
readers into another world and keep
them there for however long it takes
to tell a story. Who's to say video
games can’t be expressions of great ын
genius? Of emotion, of passion?”

The CVGA has also become
arecruitment tool. “We get the
really high-achieving students the
engineering school wants,” Carter
says. “They leave them with us for
half an hour and let them get their
hands on the controllers. It's a
definite selling point.” Maybe UM's
Athletics Department should con-
sider bringing its prospects by. It
can't hurt.—Steve Friess

Super Smash Bros. play is
restricted to Fridays only due to
gamers’ rowdiness, says Carter.

Y TALK |WHAT MATTERS NOW

Rid

* [попе of Samantha Bee's
most intrepid feats of reportage
on The Daily Show, she got a
penis pump stuck to her face.
The 2014 sight gag added a

bit of levity to a more sobering
story: Some lawmakers believe
that insurance companies
should cover the cost of penis
pumps for men but not birth
control for women. Bee, a
Canadian-born mother of
three, made а name for herself
defending the rights of women
and children on Comedy
Central. This month she will
expand her feminist foothold
by becoming America's sole
female late-night TV host,
with her weekly TBS program,
Full Frontal With Samantha
Bee. “It's not exactly virgin
territory—though I am a virgin,
Bee says with a laugh. “Women
do want to be represented. I
think ifyou can tap into that
audience, it could really be
amazing."—Jenna Marotta

Q+A

SAMANTHA BE

THE COMEDIAN AND LONGTIME DAILY SHOW CORRESPONDENT LAUNCHES A GRENADE INTO LATE-NIGHT TV

PLAYBOY: You spent 12 years as
a Daily Show correspondent. How
much did your decision to leave
the show have to do with Jon
Stewart's departure?

BEE: It was a convergence of all
these different things. My husband
[fellow Daily Show alum Jason
Jones] and | sold a lot of scripts, so
over the years that was kind of our
second job. It wasn’t like, “Oh my
God, we've got to get out of The
Daily Show,” but we definitely felt
the next stage of our careers was to
be creators апа to own a project.

PLAYBOY: What if one of you had
been offered the job of hosting
The Daily Show?

BEE: | think what happened for us
was so much better. Listen, it’s an
incredible opportunity, and it comes
with a lot of amazing stuff, but I’m
much more inclined to be a grass-
roots type of person. I'm excited to
be able to create my own workplace,
to curate it just so, to try something
new and see what happens.

PLAYBOY: Speaking of the new
workplace, will there be a desk?

BEE: There's nothing in God's earth
that could compel me to sit behind
a desk, okay? | don’t know what
it’s going to look like at this stage,
but I’m done with the static idea
of a desk. Га like to have a more
fluid space. Maybe it will be like
Hollywood Squares with desks and
РИ switch desks. l'Il probably have
a hamster desk, or just a Plexiglas
cube with Yo-Yo Ma init.

PLAYBOY: What was your initial
reaction when you learned of Vanity
Fair’s October 2015 portrait of 10
late-night TV hosts, all of them male?

BEE: | was in Long Island with my
children, who were frolicking ina
wooden ship in a pumpkin-patch
playground when someone sent it
to me. | just felt noise in my ears like
the sound of the ocean, like | had
two big conch shells pressed up
against my head.

PLAYBOY: What did you do?

BEE: | said to Jason, “Excuse me
for a second.” | went into the barn
by the cider donuts and thought, |
have to fix this photograph in a way

that suits me. | don’t want to
take anything away from
any of those guys—I think
they're all great. It's not
about them. But | do hate
to be ignored. | already
had a funny photo of
myself as a centaur—Jason
and! are an unusual couple— t
50 | called my friend and said, Ч
“Сап you take these two photos `
and merge them?” He put my

photo and the Vanity Fair photo 4
together, and | tweeted it because
was like, This is so fucking stupid.

PLAYBOY: Do you have a theory
about why men have been able
to claim late-night television for
themselves until now?

BEE: | don't really know. The
writing rooms have historically
been male spaces. It's the same
with stand-up. It's like a forest of
dongs. That's changing, but | think
it takes some clever maneuvering
and forward thinking. TBS has
taken a huge leap of faith hiring me
out of the blue. I'm thrilled.

PLAYBOY: You're currently writing
your second book. In your first
book, I Know | Ат, But What Are
You, you confess to stealing cars as
a teen. How did that come about?

BEE: It was my boyfriend. He was
aterrible influence on me. That's
probably why | liked him. But I
always looked upstanding. You
can do anything if you dress nicely
and act as if you're supposed to be
there. | was a car thief with braces
and Bermuda shorts. | thought that
was what | would do for my whole
life. When | was 15, my boyfriend
and | were scheduled to go to the
airport. We were going to leave
Canada, go to Miami, live on the
beach and fence stolen cars. He
chickened out. It's actually his fault
I’m not living under a bridge right
now or in a federal penitentiary.

PLAYBOY: You eventually found
Jason instead. What was your
first date?

BEE: We were doing regional
children's theater, and he didn't
have a car. We didn't know

each other that well, but it was
convenient for me to drive him. We

found out we паа lots of stuff
in common, and we mutually
asked each other out for
dinner. | was really wary of a
relationship—! wasn't interested
in starting something. At dinner
he told me a story about how
this girl in his life really liked
him but he thought of her only
as a friend. | thought he was
talking about me. [/aughs]

PLAYBOY: And he wasn't?

BEE: He was actually trying to
tell me that he wasn't interested
in this other girl, but his story
didn't work. After dinner | drove
him home, and when he leaned
over to kiss me, | was still in the
car. | hit the gas and took off
down the street, tires squealing.
He was horrified that | took

off, and | didn't know what

was happening. We've been
together since 1997.

PLAYBOY: And you still like
each other.

BEE: We do. So far, so good.
It's because of our centaur
role-playing.

Photography by JEREMY FREEMAN 23

МЕГТ WITH YOU

>
эд YOU DON'T NEED A BOX OR A RIBBON TO GIFT YOUR
ч. GIRL CHOCOLATE THIS VALENTINE'S DAY
Ithough Forrest Gump's life-is-like-a-box-
5. of-chocolates analogy 15 sweet, we prefer

knowing what we're going to get. Yourlady h
probably does too. Make hersomething
sweet from scratch and you will have full
control over the flavor; make her something molten and
4 you will avoid baking, cooling and decorating. Melted ` k. W
chocolate may bring to mind tiered fountains, but we s
promise these three recipes are a far cry from that
ч cheesy mess.—Julia Bainbridge ва." А

“м, : Сһосо!аїе
Pate .
мэх. : This recipe from
> % Brian Mercury, lead
pastry chef at Har-

vest in Cambridge,
Massachusetts,
» takes a little doing

- but will blow your
CHOCOLATE girl's mind. Sprinkle
, two and а half tea-
spoons powdered
THREE WAYS „gelatin over one
ša Ur heavy
cream; l

Com- 4
Спосо binëtwo СПБ, Next-Level”
4 Тасо5 cream, one cup milk, 2 Nutella
D Š In his book Tacos, two thirds cup sug- Тһе опе hard-to- !
Alex Stupak calls ar and two pinches find but essential
for pasilla chiles, salt in a saucepan; item in this recipe ”
but the chef at bring to a simmer. from Sarah Hart, :
Empellón їп New Add six egg yolks, owner of Alma
York has blessed little by little, tothe . Chocolate in Port- A
our simplified mixture. and cook land, Oregon; is the Y
version of his until thickened. Ааа... hazelnut práline j
chocolate taco: Myelatin blend and paste. Hart likes
Break dark choco- whisk to incorpo- the зи гот
late into rough rate. Pour over'one Valrhona, which
ome-inch pieces. pound 70 percent you can purchase ш
Warm'some corn” cacao dark choco- on Amazon. Now ІН
tortillas. Imme- late broken into to the recipe: In a x
diately place the pieces in a bowl. double boiler, melt c
chocolate Pieces Whisk to combine. four ounces high- Л
оп Б. M Transfer to a small quality bittersweet =
the choc will pan; chill to set. chocolate with one 2
, melt a little onc - quarter cup cream, a
hits the heat-and 7 four tablespoons 2
top with a drizzle hazelnut paste anq Ф
of olive oil. Season a shot of bourbon. =
with flaky salt anq i (Or melt ingredi- АЯ
finish with а sprin- ents in a microwave ©
kling of cinnamon in 1O- to 15-second Б
апа chili powder. bursts, stirring in =
between.) Whisk o
until smooth and 5
he. shiny; serve im- р
mediately with torn e;
baguette pjeses x.

! Evan |
-: Williams!

ЕН

SINCE 1783

SP A 3 2; =

Y DRINK

Rid

A SPRITZ
FOR EVERY
SEASON

WHY YOU SHOULD EMBRACE
EFFERVESCENT COCKTAILS
ALL YEAR ROUND

on't get it twisted: А
spritzis notthe 1980s
blush-wine summer
spritzer that might im-
mediately come to mind.
As Talia Baiocchi and Leslie Pari-
seau write in their new book, Spritz:
Italy's Most Iconic Aperitivo Cock-
tail, “The modern spritz has its roots
in Hapsburg-occupied northern Italy
inthe 19th century, when Austrian
soldiers introduced the practice of
adding a spritz (spray) of water to
theregion's wines in an effort to
make them more pleasing to their
riesling-weaned palates." And as the
recipes in the book show, American
craft bartenders from coast to coast
have taken the drink and turned it
into a more avant-garde concoction,
mixing in tonic, shrubs or sherry.
Contemporary spritzes usually
comprise three parts prosecco, two
parts bitter liqueur and one part
soda, and while that means they may
have a rosy tint, it also means they're
slightly bitter, pleasantly low in
alcohol and refreshingly drinkable,
no matter the weather. Besides, real
men drink pink.—Julia Bainbridge

Spritz hits
bookstores
in March.

SAFE PASSAGE

Kenaniah
Bystrom of
Essex in Seattle
created this
spritz. Its salty
complexity
matches well
with the sweet
citrus of Aperol
and the bitter
tinge of Amaro
Nardini.

Ingredients

1oz. Amaro
Nardini

1⁄4 oz. Aperol

Ya oz. fresh lemon
juice

V4 oz. Castelve-
trano olive brine
2y oz. prosecco

2 Castelvetrano
olives

Directions

Pour Amaro
Nardini, Aperol,
lemon juice
and olive brine
into cocktail
shaker. Add ice
and shake until
chilled. Strain
into a chilled
coupe or cock-
tail glass. Top
with prosecco
and garnish
with olives.

Photography by DYLAN * JENI

INTRODUCING
PLAYBOY COLLECTOR S EDITION ART TOYS

SELECT TOYS AVAILABLE NOW | COARTISM.COM

Fl STYLE

SNEAKS
FOR SNOW

THESE COLD-WEATHER
KICKS ARE EQUAL PARTS
STURDY AND STYLISH

Boss
Tweed

Stan Smith by
Adidas goes year-
round in a techno
weed version with
: qe. D-ring lace-
ups and tae and heel
abs in contrasting
ther. PrimaLoft
sulation keeps feet
.warm and water о!
while the rubber:
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slip-free footi

“ Aseasonal cool is
settling in with a fresh
batch of sneaker styles
that stand up to the
elements. Tricking
them out with all sorts
of high-tech weather-
beaters, some sneaker
makers are even team-
В : 4 %
ingup with cold-climate
wizardry from the likes
of Pendleton and Burton.
So when you finally have
to weather the storm,
there's no reason notto
get your kicks in too.—
Vincent Boucher

Balance both коё
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collab that'includ@s the 710
Уагсс Outdoor, a Һу ВІКІПӘО
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GetaGrip |

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Taylor All Star sil-
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on a winter-ready
lace-up boot. The

-honored tribal
Wools get a street-
orthy rethink in
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А sneaker with the а!!-
weather treatment
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molded heel provides SS to a unique lug out-

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$120, converse.com

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> Kick it old-
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2 — N

THE NEW,
NEW NORDIC

ust because Noma, Copenhagen’s temple

of new Nordic cuisine, is temporarily

shutting its doors doesn't mean you need

to hold off on visiting this famously foodie

city. Chef René Redzepi has inspired an
army of Noma alumni to wage their own revolu-
tion: Christian Puglisi earned a Michelin star at
his restaurant Rele, staking his reputation on a

COPENHAGEN
A Pocket Guide

The Shop

|n Copenha-
gen, even dudes
riding bicycles
look cool. Per-
haps that's be-
cause they shop
at Han Kjeben-
havn your
first stop for
monochromatic
sweaters, drop-
crotch pants in
hybrid fabrics
and suave
overcoats. The
sunglasses
(roughly $150)
and other
accessories—
such as the
perfect leather-

vegetable-heavy tasting menu (sample dish: cele- The Neigh- reta M
riac, black olive and seaweed salad). Meanwhile, borhood with first-rate classic. You
Samuel Nutter and Victor Wágman take a brave, > Once a threads. Stop can even buy a

nose-to-tail approach at their two-story bistro
Bror, serving lamb in four courses, beginning
with a thinly sliced eye. Their menu also includes
astarter of fried bull's testicle. Matt Orlando—
Noma's first chef de cuisine—opened his thrilling

dodgy working-
class stretch,
Norrebro has
been reborn as
a playground
for bearded

in for a spell at
Crate Beer 8
Vinyl—which of-
fers exactly that.

Lego set of the
United Nations
for the kid

Cor for the kid
in you).

beren | Vogn-
magergade,

a men-only
barbershop
where the
straight-razor
shave is as slick
as the top-shelf
whiskey owner
Jonas Shiran
Larsen pours in
the afternoon.

The Worthy
Tourist Trap
> Take a
20-minute

train ride to

the Louisiana
Museum of
Modern Art, a
celebration of
Andy Warhol
and Max Ernst
(among others)
set within park-
like grounds.
Enjoy lunch out-
side and stare at
Sweden across
the sound.

The Surprise
> Ona roof-
top farm in

an industrial

: : The
Amass Jin 2013. At Taller, Karlos Ponte cooks pierde de the Cocktail Bar The Hotel
his native Venezuelan cuisine with Nordic ingre- чектер Әз |
perfectly си- — Duck апа — The Nimb stretch of town,

dients andtechniques. Likewise, frustrated by the
lack of good Mexican food in Copenhagen, Rosio
Sanchezopened her
own taco stand at
the Torvehallerne
market a few months
later,importing dry
corn for her tortillas
directly from Oaxaca.
And that's just din-
ner. Here's how to
dive into the rest of
this great Danish
city.—Mickey Rapkin

rated afternoon.
Start with lunch
at Manfreds—
there's a disco
ball in the wine
cellar, but the
beef tartare

is where the
party's at. Then
caffeinate at the
Coffee Collec-
tive (an award-
winning roaster)
before browsing
Proper Attire
Requested, a

Cover is a place
bartenders come
to drink. Mix
master Kasper
Riewe Henriksen
left the venerable
Ruby in 2012 to
open this dark-
wood bar where
he's constantly
tinkering with the
menu. Here'sa
tip: Drink what-
ever gin cocktail
this cat puts in
front of you.

is minimalist
Danish-design
porn. Installed
in a Moorish
palace dat-

ing from 1909,
the hotel's 17
rooms overlook
Copenhagen's
historic amuse-
ment park, Tivoli
Gardens. Ride

a wooden roller
coaster. Sip a
negroni beside a
roaring fire.

a husband-
and-wife team
opened Stedsans
arestaurant
with just two
seatings a night.
If you can snag
a table, you'll be
rewarded with
carrots topped
with brown but-
ter hollandaise,
perfect wine
pairings and
Instagram brag-
ging rights.

$299, ownphones.com),
hercempäny’s design

with custom buds in

under 10 minutes at

gently mold them to onelof the company's

your ears. scanning locations.
Ё

Illustration by BRYÁN CHRISTIE DESIGN”

FOLLOW THE BUNNY
00000

[playboy C playboy @ playboy playboy + playboy

Е РТ TE
`

ENTERTAIN т

MOVIE ОЕ ТНЕ МОМТН comic, starring Ryan Reynolds,

DEADPOOL

By Stephen Rebello

Gina Carano. Reynolds curses
as if he’s in a Quentin Tarantino
movie in the hilarious trailer
that has circulated since last
year’s Comic-Con, promising a
superhero experience very dif-
ferent from more family-friendl
movies such as Ant-Man and
even the other X-Men install-

e Are you ready for an R-rated,
deeply twisted X-Men spin-off
in which the disfigured ex-
Special Forces hero lets you
know he’s aware he’s a character
іп a superhero movie and blurts
out whatever is on his sardoni-
cally funny mind? Then strap in
for Deadpool, the much-hyped
screen version of the Fabian
Nicieza-Rob Liefeld Marvel

the comic book, they ramped it
up and went for it,” says co-star
T.J. Miller about the Tim Miller
directed movie in which he play
the hero's caustic best friend.

IN YOUR LIVING ROOM

By Bryan Reesman

A b е Probably the boldest, mostinfluen-
tial 1990s TV series, Chris Carter's

weekly phantasmagoria beguiled dis-

Morena Baccarin, Ed Skrein and

ments. “Rather than water down

TEASE
FRAME

Olivia Munn

> Geek goddess
Olivia Munn
plays one of the
titular character's
frequent sex
buddies in Magic
Mike (pictured).
See her next as
Maya Cruz in Ride
Along 2, the action-
comedy sequel
starring Ice Cube
and Kevin Hart.

ciples and unbelievers of unexplained
phenomena as obsessed FBI agent

Fox Mulder (David Duchovny) and
skeptical partner Dana Scully (Gil-
lian Anderson) battled strange beings,
government conspiracies and sexual
tension. Despite the show’s grim vibe,
Carter injected cheeky, self-aware
humor—even a few satirical exploits—
to take the edge off. It has aged well too.
Although the two theatrical movies
are not included in this handsomely
packaged set, slots are left open for the
forthcoming six-part Fox miniseries
that airs in January and will eventually

“It's a complex, dense film with
comedy so far left of center that
it makes fun of comic-book mov-
ies. Atthe same time, it's a satiri-
cal superhero comic-book movie
itself. It's so original, 1 compare
itto Blade Runner—or Blade
Runner mashed up with a sit-
y сот. Ц was great fun to impro-
vise with Ryan, except for the
times when he was much funnier
than me and Га just get sad and
cower in a corner. Deadpoolis as
original, confusing, visceral and
- hilarious a movie in this genre
s asyoucould ever imagine. It's a
movie that I'd pay to see."

2
“4 THE X-FILES: THE COLLECTOR’S SET

be released on Blu-ray. Hopefully the
truth is in there. Best extras: The early
seasons have been upgraded for our

HD world from the original widescreen
footage. The set contains more than 23
hours of special features to get you up to
speed before the miniseries airs. УУУУ

ZOOLANDER

Fred Armisen
plays an outra-
geous social media
expert in the long-
awaited sequel

О: Zoolander, Ben
Stiller’s comedy
set in the world

of aging, clueless
male models, is
one of the most
quoted flicks of
the 2000s. Isn't
a 14-years-later

sequel risky?

A: | remember
seeing Zoolander
once or twice and
laughing a lot. All

my decisions come
from trust, so “Ben

Stiller” was all |
needed to know.
If it were another
group trying to do

a sequel, then it
wouldn’t be for me.

О: You play ап
over-the-top mil-
lennial social media
expert who works
for the world’s top
fashion designer.
Was there a lot of
improv?

A: | don't like to
improvise, really.
It would slow
everything down
if | tried to put
my spin on it. On
Portlandia | can do
that because that's
my shared house.
When it's not my
house, it's “Let me
just trust what's on
the page.”

Q: Offscreen,
when do you
feel at your most
male-model-ish?
А: I'm a firm
believer in giving
people a chance,
so | support
designers and
companies who
don’t normally
do fashion. That’s
why | try to wear
clothes by, you
know, Háagen-
Dazs, John Deere,
Uniroyal Tires,
Gibson Guitars and
Taco Bell.—S.R.

MUST-WATCH ТУ

BILLIONS

By Josef Adalian

е Hollywood generally either glamorizes the
one percent as capitalist superheroes (Wall
Street) or vilifies them as nihilistic pigs (The
Wolf of Wall Street). Showtime's superb new
drama Billions immediately distinguishes itself
by taking a much more measured approach.
The setup lends itself to cliché: Righteous

US. attorney Chuck Rhoades (Paul Giamatti)
methodically works to expose the financial
trickery of self-made hedge fund mogul Bobby
Axelrod (Damian Lewis). In the era of Bernie
Sanders, it would have been easy for produc-
ers to pick sides. Instead, Giamatti’s “hero” is

as conflicted and reckless as any Wall Street
cowboy. And while Lewis’s Bobby possesses
the arrogance and impulsiveness we expect in
our billionaires—“What’s the point of having
fuck-you money if you never say fuck you?” he
muses as he ponders a decadent beach home—
he is also the kind of good guy who bails out
the owner of his favorite pizza place and hands
out college scholarships without issuing a
press release. Rather than preach, Billions is
content to (brilliantly) depict how power plays
out in the real world. Moral judgments are
solely at the discretion of the viewer. УУУУ

MUSIC

THE VELVET
UNDERGROUND

By Rob Tannenbaum

° Even after being acclaimed
as one of rock’s great song-
writers, Lou Reed often
recalled the response the
Velvet Underground elicited
in the late 1960s: “They hated
us.” As the rest of American
culture prattled about the
Age of Aquarius, Reed sang
of S&M, opiates, matricide,
transvestites and self-abuse.
Listen closely to The Velvet

Underground: The Complete
Matrix Tapes—four CDs
recorded live at a San Fran-
cisco club over two nights in
November 1969—and you'll
hear no more than afew dozen
fans in attendance. No wonder
Reed quit less than a year later.

But the Velvets play as though
they’ve already been vindi-
cated by history, accelerating
from folk-rock strums on “I’m
Waiting for the Man” to dis-
torted twin-guitar jousting on
a37-minute version of “Sister
Ray.” The sound, captured on

a four-track reel-to-reel deck,
is magnificent despite some
tape hiss and clipping. What
comes through isn’t the Vel-
vet Underground’s influence
or importance but the rau-
cous and mischievous fun the
band had on stage. УУУУ

BOOKS

STORIES
| TELL
MYSELF

By Cat Auer

E * Hunter S.

RSEN IUNII ME Thompson (the
"outlaw journal-
ist" who pro-
vided PLAYBOY
with acid-laced
and coke-caked
coverage of
deep-sea fish-
ing, among other things) won
fame as a no-holds-barred,
breakneck writer. Now his son,
Juan F. Thompson, attempts to
broaden and balance that image
by showing him as a father. In
his memoir, Stories / Tell Myself,
wistfulness pervades; there's a
sense that Juan started to fully
understand his dad only after
becoming one himself, just seven
years before Hunter's 2005
suicide. Yet with remarks like
"Cocaine and booze didn't even
qualify as drugs, they were a
staple of his daily diet," the book
solidifies Hunter's reputation as a
gonzo madman—albeit one who
grew into a doting grandpa who
liked to be called Ace. УУУ

PATIENCE

* Daniel
Clowes's new
graphic novel

is a time-travel
thriller filtered
through his
own furiously
warped sen-
sibility. Seventeen years after

his pregnant wife, Patience, is
murdered, Jack Barlow stumbles
upon a time machine and goes
back to 2006 to figure out

the secrets of her past so he
can rescue her. But Jack, over-
whelmed by rage and bitterness,
starts losing his mind. (Nobody
draws reality curdling around its
edges like Clowes, best known
for Ghost World.) As he dives
deeper into Patience's history,
the tale grows more wrenching
and complicated, and Jack's all-
devouring quest for vengeance
mutates his story from a sci-fi
whodunit to psychedelic psy-
chological horror. ¥¥¥

Y RAW DATA SIGNIFICA, INSIGNIFICA, STAT

What Apple would owe
in U.S. taxes if it weren't
holding $181 billion in
offshore accounts.

> POUNDS

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ы STAR WORN
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as before their sexual relationship;

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remained friends but were
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less close;
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It seems to me that women have
gone back and forth between
having a bush and being com-
pletely bare down there. What
determines which look is “in”
at any given time? My impres-
sion is that Playmates and other
models over the past 15 years or
so have been relatively free of
pubic hair, but in the November
2015 issue of PLAYBOY, both the
Playmate and the model in the
feature pictorial sport sizable
bushes, which I consider very
sexy. This seems to be a depar-
ture from the current norm.
What's causing this?—H.R.,
Mobile, Alabama

Trends in physical appearance—
from grooming to breast size to
hairstyles (on top as well as down
below)—are both cyclical and
unpredictable, making it impossible
to definitively predict when or pre-
cisely explain why things change.
That said, there are some factors we
believe influence pubic-hair styles.
Throughout the years, one of the big-
gest determinants has been the shift-
ing size of bikini bottoms. As bikinis
got smaller in the 1960s and 1970s,
women began to shave or wax larger
areas so hair wouldn’t show. The
trend toward removing more and
more hair evolved in the late 1980s
with the arrival in a New York City
salon of the Brazilian waxing tech-
nique, which temporarily removes
all pubic hair. The method became
increasingly popular and grew from
a metropolitan trend to a nationwide
one. Every fashion eventually falls
out of favor, so it is no surprise to
see the return of the bush. You can
blame (or thank) pornography for the
shift toward more and bigger bushes
on nonporn models. The adult films
that proliferate on the internet pre-
dominantly feature female perform-
ers without a single strand of pubic
hair. This trend has been in full force
long enough that women who don’t
want to be aesthetically associated
with adult-film stars now often pre-
fer to have some hair, from a narrow
strip known as the French wax up to
the fuller coverage of a manicured
triangle. Current tastes overall seem
to favor a return to natural, unenhanced
beauty, after a period that saw an abundance
of breast implants and other forms of plastic
surgery. It’s highly unlikely we'll see a return to
the full-grown, untrimmed bushes of the early
1970s, but yes, pubic hair is, pun intended, a
growing trend.

Au my favorite XXX actresses have sev-
eral scenes that can be downloaded. Un-
fortunately, 1 can't do that because the
only computer 1 have access to is the one
I use at work. Do you know of a business
that will download the scenes of a par-

PLAYBOY

DVISOR

| recently started dating а woman who gives me по
time to get undressed before sex. She’s all over me
before I have a chance to take off my socks or even
my shirt. Sex like this is shown on TV as if it’s hot,
but for me it’s just awkward. It limits what I can do
and eliminates foreplay entirely. Part of me worries
she doesn’t like my body and doesn’t want to see me
naked. Is clothed sex a fetish?—T.T., Tampa, Florida

Just about anything imaginable is a fetish to someone out
there, but this sounds more like ambivalence on her part and
passivity on yours. Try this: Either talk about it with her or
simply take charge and remove your clothes before letting
her jump you. It could be that she wants you to act more in
control. You might find that fully naked sex is off the charts.
Either way, address the dressed sex.

ticular porn star and record them onto
a DVD that can be viewed on my televi-
sion at home?—T.W., Branson, Missouri

Nope. There’s no such thing. We searched
the entire internet for you and couldn't find a
single business that specializes in locating free
clips of your favorite porn stars and burning
them onto DVDs. If you're interested in view-
ing scenes of your favorite film stars on a DVD
player without paying for it, we suggest you
befriend someone who owns a computer with
a built-in DVD burner. Buy a blank DVD at
an office-supply store, carve out a few hours
to search for such clips and do tt yourself. But

this is a simple, technologically un-
challenging work-around; you can
do much better, and for not a ton of
money. We live in the golden era of
free pornography, so we suggest you
save up for your very own Google
Chromebook, a net-based laptop that
for only $249 will grant you ac-
cess to an overwhelming amount of
adult material.

Ive recently gotten into the spe-
cialty coffee habit. This can get
pretty expensive, so I usually save
my leftovers for reheating later,
with disappointing results. Why
does coffee that’s been micro-
waved never taste as good as fresh-
ly brewed joe? It seems a whole lot
less flavorful than, say, reheated
spaghetti and meatballs.—H.B.,
Cayucos, California

Much of what we consider the
most flavorful elements in coffee
come from volatile organic com-
pounds in the bean. An unroasted
coffee bean contains about 300 such
compounds. A roasted bean can
contain up to 1,000, but these com-
pounds begin to disappear shortly
after roasting; then, brewing re-
leases even more compounds, at a
faster rate, which means the fresher
the better at every step of the process.
The most complex and delicious cup
of coffee would be made from freshly
roasted, freshly ground beans that
ате then brewed immediately before
the coffee is to be consumed. The
quickest way to kill the flavors in a
cup of coffee is to microwave it. Mi-
crowaving heats the compounds and
releases the last of them, making for

a flat-tasting cup.

M, wife is unpredictably amo-
rous. She will often be com-
pletely uninterested in sex for
up to two months at a time,
then suddenly become horny
and then just as suddenly
return to not being interested,
again for weeks at a time. I
would gladly have sex every
day, but she almost never wants
to. I have a big penis, and she
says it hurts when we have sex.
I usually don't even get the
head in. We've used lube, which helps
but doesn't work as well as her natural
lube when she's excited. What can we do
to improve our sex life?—B.D., Bridge-
port, West Virginia

The fact that her natural lubricant works
better than store-bought lube leads us to
believe your wife isn't sufficiently aroused
when you try to have intercourse. As you
say, she's usually not excited. When sex does
work for you, it's probably not simply due to
her natural lubricant; most likely it's also
because she's more engaged, more relaxed
and basically more open to your large penis

PLAYBOY

as a result. Practice makes perfect, so make
a point of committing to being regularly inti-
mate in a way that's not so much about pen-
etration as it is about enjoying each other's
bodies. Don’t rush; don’t pressure her or
yourself. Play with foreplay. Allow her to be
on top and to determine the rhythm when it
comes time to have intercourse.

Asa newlywed in my 408, I’m having
problems keeping up with my younger
bride. A few years ago I suffered some
trauma to my penis, and now it just
doesn't work right. I have a hard time
maintaining an erection. She didn't want
to have sex until after we married, and 1
think she's now disappointed. She wants
to have children and is already talking
about in vitro fertilization because sex
isn't happening. Is it possible to have a
happy marriage without sex, or am I in
trouble?—].G., Santa Rosa, California

It’s less about what goes on in your head
and more about how you handle it in the
sack. Don't get ahead of yourself and write
sex off entirely (ever). It’s still early in your
marriage. You can get an erection. Your wife
wants sex. She wants to have kids. These are
all good things. Now let’s focus on what you
can improve, category by category. You don’t
mention whether you've received treatment for
your condition, so first make sure to explore
all possible options with a urologist. At least
you can get an erection, however fleeting,
which leads us to hope there are ways to main-
tain it medically. Regarding your wife’s possi-
ble sexual disappointment, a sex therapist can
help the two of you come up with ways to be
intimate that don’t involve full penetration.
Even without a sex therapist’s advice you can
fool around, and you can satisfy your wife
orally or with your hands. If in the future you
can’t keep an erection, there are many aids out
there to help with arousal and sexual satis-
faction that don’t involve classic intercourse.
Our society tends to overvalue penis-in-
vagina sex, when in reality there’s a world of
pleasure beyond that. As far as in vitro goes:
If that’s the only way she can get pregnant,
then so be it. Be grateful for her fertility. This
is all a long way of saying: There’s hope for
you and your marriage.

Cana penis become smaller due to
nonuse? I understand the mechan-
ics of erections, and I believe mine got
larger because of all the attention from
my incredibly sexy wife over the many
years of our relationship. She died six
years ago, and I’ve had infrequent sexual
relations since. Now when I look down I
think I’m seeing a smaller penis. Is this
possible?—D.P., Farmingdale, New York

Yes, a penis can get smaller from disuse,
as any muscle can. Your penis needs regu-
lar “workouts,” so to speak, to maintain its
ability to become and remain erect. But the
workout needn’t involve actual sex or mas-
turbation; an erection alone is enough to keep
your penis in shape. If you're physically and
psychologically healthy and have the usual
nocturnal erections that most men experience

(and sometimes wake up with, à la “morning
wood”), then chances are your penis is get-
ting the exercise it needs. However, there's not
a lot of evidence out there that shows men’s
penises shrink with age. Have you considered
the possibility that your belly has gotten big-
ger than it was six years ago and your penis
just appears smaller in comparison?

Earlier this year I realized I was inter-
ested in purchasing men’s thong under-
wear. However, I had по luck finding
a brick-and-mortar store that sells it. I
looked on Amazon, but the only options
were weird styles that came in confus-
ing Asian sizes. I then checked Macy’s
website and found Calvin Klein thongs,
which I bought and love; they’re so
comfortable. Do you know of any other
sites I can check out? Га like to get a
drawerful.—T.C., Washington, D.C.

You can buy yourself an entire walk-in
closet’s worth at MensUnderwearStore.com,
which at press time stocked nearly 140 styles
of men’s thong underwear.

I have two questions about tipping.
First, what is an appropriate gratuity
for a hotel chambermaid? Should the
tip be a flat rate per night, or should it
be based on the cost of the room? I’m
talking about standard rooms, not suites.
Should the tip be the same in a low-
budget highway motel as in an expen-
sive upscale resort? Second, when din-
ing out, I’ve always felt that a 20 percent
gratuity for food service is the least I can
give for the hard work the waitstaff does.
More food ordered translates to more
service provided, which I am happy to
pay for. I’m conflicted when it comes to
wine service, however. Should the tip
on a $300 bottle of wine be 10 times as
much as on a $30 bottle even though no
additional service, such as decanting, is
provided? The common thread between
these questions is: Should a gratuity be
based on the amount of service provided
or on the cost of the product?—K.M.,
Hartsdale, New York

The last time we ventured into the tricky
subject of tipping, we got some pretty heated
mail from readers, and we expect the same
this time around. We wish we could answer
your question simply, but tipping has proven
itself to be a subject open to eternal debate.
Some people apply flat formulas across all
types of service, while others have a differ-
ent rationale depending on what is provided.
The economics of motels versus resorts (or the
cost of living in motel towns versus the cost of
living in resort towns) is just one factor that
begins to get at the complexity of the issue.
So, as we basically said last time: Don't be
a jerk. Lean toward tipping too much rather
than too little, and be decent, generous and
kind. On the hotel front: Go by the size of the
room, as a bigger room requires more clean-
ing. If you want to tip by the day, try five
bucks per day for a single room, $10 for a
king, $20 for a suite and $25 for a cabana.
Or maybe we're being cheap. We agree that

20 percent is a good and proper tip; we con-
sistently tip that much and have never been
met with disappointment, disapproval or bad
service upon returning to the establishment.
Moreover, we tip 20 percent whether the wine
is $300 or $30. If you can afford to tip gen-
erously (or even ask questions about what to
tip on $300 bottles of wine), keep it up and
feel confident you've been a good customer.
Bad tippers typically have bad attitudes, and
we've found the world regularly dispenses its
own karmic justice to punish them. We real-
ize that’s completely irrational but also sort of
true. Are you a bad tipper? Do you feel your
blood boiling as you compose an outraged let-
ter in response to our answer? That's karma.
As for us, we feel pretty relaxed all the time,
we try to always be nice and as a result we
tend to get nice treatment in return.

[m 79 years old; since I started using
Viagra I’ve noticed my penis has a bend
in it. My wife asked me what's going on.
I watch mature porn and have noticed a
lot of other guys have the same problem.
Is this caused by taking Viagra?—J.A.,
Garden City, South Carolina

You should go to the doctor to rule out Pey-
ronie’s disease, which causes one side of the
penis to contract and the other to lengthen,
resulting in curvature. Most penises have a
slight bend; perhaps the firm erections caused
by Viagra are simply making your natural
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uus КОМ HOWARD

A candid conversation with the director formerly known as Opie about how nice guys
can be tough, the joys of being a chameleon and the magic of Arrested Development

Funny how everybody thinks they really know
Ron Howard. Even in the impersonal hustle
of the Tribeca, New York City complex where
Howard is editing one new movie while
overseeing the 3-D conversion of another,
strangers do smiling double-takes, shoot him
а thumbs-up or shout something nice about
his work. That's the kind of response a guy
is likely to elicit if he first gained fame as a
child actor on а 19608 TV series as beloved
as The Andy Griffith Show, on which How-
ard played Opie, the spunky, red-haired, gap-
toothed young son of a small-town Southern
sheriff, for eight years. Between TV seasons
Howard earned even more goodwill for his
roles in high-profile movies including the big-
screen version of the Broadway blockbuster
The Music Man and the family comedy The
Courtship of Eddie's Father.

In 1968, when Opie caught his last fish,
Howard bucked the grim career odds faced by
most childhood stars. He successfully transi-
lioned to teenage roles and found his footing
in director George Lucas's 1973 box-office hit,
American Graffiti, set in the 1950s. The fol-
lowing year he landed another iconic gig, as
Richie Cunningham on the long-running se-
ries Happy Days, a role he played until 1980.
Somehow he accomplished all this without be-

coming, like other, less-canny child actors, a
burnout, a statistic or a punch line.

Acting roles hept finding him (including in
the melancholy 1976 John Wayne Western The
Shootist, for which Howard earned a Golden
Globe nomination), but he then managed an
even more unlikely career turn: In 1977, af-
ter writing and shooting a number of short
films, Howard. convinced legendary B-movie
producer Roger Corman to finance his direct-
ing debut, Grand Theft Auto, a low-budget,
high-octane chase film. That experience led to
Howard directing several successful TV mov-
ies, paving the way to his 1982 breakthrough,
Night Shift, starring Michael Keaton and
Henry Winkler, the latter Howard's co-star
and close friend from Happy Days. From there,
he helmed sometimes prestigious, often award-
winning but almost always popular movies
including Parenthood, Apollo 13, Cinderella
Man, A Beautiful Mind, The Da Vinci Code
and Frost/Nixon. He is also co-chair, with
Brian Grazer, of Imagine Entertainment.

Howard was born Ronald William How-
ard in Duncan, Oklahoma on March 1, 1954
to actress Jean Speegle Howard and actor-
director-writer Rance Howard. In 1958 the
family relocated to Hollywood and, the year
after, welcomed Howard’s only sibling and

fellow actor-to-be, Clint Howard. Billed as
“Ronny Howard,” the young actor first ap-
peared, along with his dad, т 19565 Fron-
tier Woman. At five, he co-starred with Andy
Griffith on a 1960 episode of The Danny
Thomas Show that led to the launch of The
Andy Griffith Show that same year. Howard
worked so steadily that much of his early edu-
cation came from tutors at Desilu Studios. He
married Cheryl Alley in 1975 and raised four
kids, now grown: actress Bryce Dallas, twins
Paige Carlyle (also an actress) and Jocelyn
Carlyle, and Reed Cross.

Playboy sent Contributing Editor Stephen
Rebello, who last interviewed Christoph
Waltz, to track down Howard in New York
City. Reports Rebello: “What a kick, and a re-
lief, to discover the cold steel and humor under
Ron Howard's famed affability. Sure, he dis-
plays that guarded, held-in-check quality that
marks many former child actors, but he also
has a generosity of spirit and a willingness to
show vulnerability that reveal a real talent
and a guy you'd invite to your poker game.”

PLAYBOY: The 22 films you’ve directed
since 1976, including Splash, Cocoon,
The Da Vinci Code, Angels & Demons and
Cinderella Man, have grossed more than

“When people question if I’m not edgy enough,
yeah, that sort of bugs me. I don’t need to
delude or baby myself: I do edgy material if I
connect with the story. I wouldn't do it as an
exercise to prove anything to those bastards.”

“Even when I get angry it’s pretty quiet. If

arrogance, lack of commitment, lack of prep-
aration and lack of respect go hand in hand,
then I’m going to have a conversation with

that person and they’re not going to be happy.”

PHOTOGRAPHY BY GAVIN BOND

“Гт basically an introvert and not very ambi-
tious socially. My dad held me on a tight leash.
He was very controlling about where I went, to
a frustrating degree. Although I never really
rebelled, there was a lot of tension.”

PLAYBOY

$3.5 billion internationally. Apollo 13 was
nominated for nine Oscars, including
for best picture, in 1996. You won a best
directing Oscar in 2002 for A Beautiful
Mind, which also won for best picture.
You were nominated again for best di-
rector in 2008, for Frost/Nixon. Actors
including Russell Crowe, Paul Giamatti,
Dianne Wiest, Ed Harris, Kathleen
Quinlan, Don Ameche and Jennifer
Connelly have received Oscar nomina-
tions for their performances in your
movies, the latter two going on to win
in the best supporting category. That's
major success by anyone's standards.
How do you react when some knock you
for directing expertly crafted crowd-
pleasers in which it's tough to detect a
personal signature or style?

HOWARD: For 17 out of 20 years, from the
age of six to 26, I was an actor on one of
three television series. Our entire job was
to do the same story, same tone, over and
over. That didn't appeal to me anymore.
Early in my career as a director 1 real-
ized I didn't want to brand myself for the
sake of marketability or commerciality.
The directors 1 loved, like Billy Wilder
and Howard Hawks, made all kinds of
movies. 1 wanted to throw myself into
projects that 1 connected with personally
but did not want to put a stamp on those
movies. Fans, though, and in particular
reviewers and interviewers, are always
dying to find a thread, always searching
for a brand.

PLAYBOY: Most of your movies are seen
as fundamentally optimistic and even
sentimental. Are you ever drawn to
darker material?

HOWARD: Let me tell you about a test
screening of Apollo 13. The audience
scores were great across the board, but
one person out of 350 scored the movie
“poor.” Of course that was the card 1
wanted to go to first. This 22-year-old
guy who hated the movie didn't realize it
was a true story. He wrote about the end-
ing, “Terrible. More Hollywood bullshit.
The astronauts would never survive.”
That's the beauty of doing a true story:
Facts are stranger than fiction. By God,
in real life those chutes did open and the
people in mission control wept. But if I'd
created that same ending for Apollo 13,
they’d say, “Oh, there goes Ron Howard
being sentimental again.”

I had the chance to buy Gone Girl, and
my agent really pressed me on it. 1 have
to say I was intrigued, yet I didn't quite
get it. But I thought the director, David
Fincher, completely nailed it.

PLAYBOY: So Gone Girl fell into the cat-
egory of material you didn't connect
with personally?

HOWARD: It was a fun, cool book, but I
worried that audiences would see the big
turn, the revelation, coming. I watched
the movie and said, “Damn, that’s ex-
actly what I didn’t trust would work, and
yet it did.” Put it this way: Do I want to
see Quentin Tarantino, whom I adore,

make a straight thriller like Marathon
Man, a movie I adore? I enjoy going toa
movie to hear Quentin’s voice loud and
clear. Wes Anderson, the same kind of
thing. I'm not Kubrick. I'm not an au-
teur with a single vision. I decided to go
this other way in my career. Some actors
are known for being chameleons, and
that's kind of what I am as a director. I
take pride in that.

PLAYBOY: You must have noticed when
your name gets mentioned alongside
a big project, as it did years ago with
Stephen King's fantasy-sci-fi-horror-
Western series The Dark Tower, anony-
mous internet pundits will sometimes
post things like “Коп Howard was the
best you could do?"

HOWARD: I'm not past noticing that. I
know the naysayers are out there. ГЇЇ
occasionally indulge in checking out
that stuff in print or on the internet. I'm
not sure this is healthy, but I once read
in a Sports Illustrated article that during

I had the idea
the Arrested
Development
narration
should sound
like a program
about aborig-
inal people.

Michael Jordan's string of champion-
ships, almost every time he'd go to an
away game he'd pick some negative
quote about him from a player or a jour-
nalist, copy it and stick it on his locker.
Just before the game, he'd glance at it.
It was like fuel to him. That's probably
the way I feel about the naysayers.
PLAYBOY: Even with all your awards, ac-
colades, industry clout and financial suc-
cess, critics get to you?

HOWARD: When people question if I'm
too soft or not edgy enough, yeah, that
sort of bugs me. Maybe they're not look-
ing at movies I've made like The Missing
or moments in Ransom. I’m as intense
as the story needs to be. If I get a hurt-
ful review, my wife and my daughter
Bryce, who is so emotionally tough and
very much like me, will say, “Why do
you even acknowledge that? Look what
you've achieved. Look what you're in
the middle of achieving." I've had direc-

tor friends tell me, “Have people filter
just the glowing reviews." I tried that for
one movie but thought, This is bullshit. I
don't need to delude or baby myself. I do
edgy material if I connect with the story.
I wouldn't do it as an exercise to prove
anything to those bastards—because I
probably wouldn't prove anything ex-
cept maybe prove them right. It's thrill-
ing and gratifying to do something like
Frost/Nixon, which isn't for everybody,
but to do a big, popular entertainment
that's supposed to be for everybody?
That's a particular kind of high-wire act.
PLAYBOY: You don't have a reputation for
being a tyrant on the set, but few peo-
ple attain your level of success by being
pussycats. What sets you off?

HOWARD: Even when I get angry it's pret-
ty quiet. What angers me is disrespect
for the medium and the process. Or tak-
ing my good nature for granted—that
stirs resentment. I don't like arrogance.
If arrogance, lack of commitment, lack
of preparation or lack of respect go hand
in hand, then I'm going to have a con-
versation with that person and they're
not going to be happy with my point of
view. The beauty of directing a movie is
that I don't have to live with these peo-
ple forever and they don't have to live
with me. It'd be nice if we had affection
for each other when the project is over,
but it's the least important thing.
PLAYBOY: It's probably inevitable that cer-
tain segments of the public still want to
think of you as Opie or as Richie Cun-
ningham on Нарру Days. Does a good-
guy screen image hurt you in the enter-
tainment business?

HOWARD: There was a time when I felt
threatened by that. I didn't want poten-
tial collaborators to have a reductive view
of what I could bring to a movie project.
I remember having a quiet lunch with
Robert De Niro when I was trying to re-
cruit him for Backdraft. Somebody came
up and said, ^Hey, Richie, I just love it
when you go on the show with Laverne
and Shirley," then walked away. De Niro
sort of smirked and said, ^Well, what are
you going to do?" He did the movie. I
only wanted to earn the respect of the
best and the brightest, the collaborators
I wanted to work with. Everything else,
I can't control.

PLAYBOY: When you were working stead-
ily as a kid on late-1950s TV series in-
cluding The Twilight Zone, Dennis the Men-
ace and The Many Loves of Dobie Gillis, was
that your choice?

HOWARD: I was blessed with superstar
parents. My father, Rance, and mother,
Jean Speegle Howard, were both actors.
'They weren't stage parents at all, but
they got me into acting, and I clearly
liked it. My mom was very charming,
more emotional than my dad, and some-
one who knew how to dream and love
the dream. She was from a small town,
Duncan, Oklahoma, and Dad grew up
on a farm. They met and fell in love in

the acting program at the University of
Oklahoma. When I was a baby and we
moved from Oklahoma to California, my
mom couldn't take the constant rejection
of show business, but she worked, mostly
on ТУ, until the late 19908. She battled
heart disease and died in 2000. Dad
remarried—another fantastic lady—and
he's not only still a working actor but a
gifted writer and teacher and a brilliant
father, particularly for that era. He's a
thoughtful, pragmatic guy who always
demystified the business for me and was
always on the set to watch out for me.
PLAYBOY: You pretty much grew up on
The Andy Griffith Show. How do you recall
the star himself?

HOWARD: Andy was a very ambitious guy,
a careerist who was serious about what
was and wasn't good. He'd fight to kill
jokes, saying, “That belongs on The Вео-
erly Hillbillies. We're not making fun of
country people; we’re letting country
people be funny.” I once asked him if I
should do a variety-show guest shot, and
he said, “Ronny, almost every decision
you make is a career decision. You've got
to weigh that.”

PLAYBOY: Before doing your series,
Griffith was a Broadway star. He also
gave a lacerating performance in the
Elia Kazan-directed movie A Face in the
Crowd, playing an opportunistic drifter
who becomes a dangerous right-wing
demagogue. Did he ever give you the
sense that he thought his career could
have gone in other directions?

HOWARD: Every once in a while he would
allude to having been emotionally beat-
en up by Kazan in that Actor’s Studio
kind of way. That was not something he
enjoyed. He didn’t like exposing himself
in that way. A Face in the Crowd wasn’t a
successful movie. He was proud of his
performance, but he wasn’t nominated
for an Oscar and the movie didn’t make
a lot of money. Again, as a careerist, I
think he wanted to be in comedy and felt
his place was on television.

PLAYBOY: Some have said that Griffith
and actress Frances Bavier, who played
Aunt Bee on the show, weren’t exactly
bosom buddies. What’s the truth?
HOWARD: The set was raucous and play-
ful, and Frances was a sophisticated New
Yorker from the theater. Andy and the
makeup guy, Lee Greenway, constantly
played guitar and banjo, and Don Knotts
always sang. Frances was never one of
them, but she was never a bitch on wheels
or anything. She was probably always sort
of an introvert and a bit overwhelmed.
The one time I heard her complain, we
were shooting in a bus in the San Fernan-
do Valley and it was really hot. She stood
up and said to the director, “Can we please
shoot this soon, before I melt?” When she
retired, she went to Siler City, North Caro-
lina and became a lady who never left her
house full of antiques and cats. She did tell
Andy later in her life that she regretted if
she was ever distant from him.

PLAYBOY: Did you ever feel you were be-
ing heard on the show?

HOWARD: On rehearsal day of the second
episode of the second season, when I
had just turned seven, I was supposed
to open the door of the sheriff’s office,
come running in as Opie often did and
say a line. I told the director, “I don’t
think this is the way a kid would say this.”
I pitched my spin on the line and the di-
rector said, “That sounds good, Ronny.
Why don’t you say it that way?” I must
have stood there smiling, because when
Andy said, “What are you grinning for,
young’un?” 1 said, “That’s the first sug-
gestion of mine they’ve taken.” He said,
“Well, it was the first one that was any
damn good. Now let’s rehearse.” That
moment shaped my whole approach. I
not only felt credible but I got the sense
that this was the way creative problems
could be solved.

PLAYBOY: Were you prepared for the
show going off the air in 1968?

HOWARD: Even though it was the coun-

Around 15 or
16, I stopped
getting hired.
I began to feel a
real sense of loss
and betrayal.

try’s number one show in that last sea-
son, part of the reason Andy closed it
down was because he got a movie con-
tract with Universal. He was going to try
to have a successful run in comedies like
Don Knotts had done with The Incredible
Mr. Limpet and The Reluctant Astronaut.
Don could go to a broad, zany place very
comfortably. It didn’t work out for Andy.
PLAYBOY: Things can get rough for child
actors when they hit puberty. How did
you survive?

HOWARD: Around 15 ог 16, I stopped get-
ting hired. For the first time in my life I
went about nine months without a job,
a long time for someone who’d worked
steadily from the age of four. I began to
feel a real sense of loss and betrayal. It’s
a common thing for child actors to go
through. Га seen my dad struggle without
ever reaching the stardom he dreamed of,
yet he was always able to grind out a good
living. I realized that’s the way the real
world works when you're not Opie on the
number one sitcom anymore.

PLAYBOY: But you showed up on Gentle
Ben, Gunsmoke, Lassie and other series,
which made you luckier than many
other child actors transitioning to teen
roles. Then you played two memorable
high school good guys, in American Graf-
fiti and on Happy Days. What was your
own high school experience like?
HOWARD: By that age I was in public
school in Burbank. I was a freak, the
butt of a lot of jokes, bullying and all
kinds of shit. I’m basically an introvert
and not very ambitious socially. Even so,
my dad was very conservative and held
me on a tight leash. He was very control-
ling about where I went, to a frustrating
degree. Although I never really rebelled,
there was a lot of tension.

PLAYBOY: How bad did the bullying get?
HOWARD: Nobody ever punched me in
the mouth or anything, but there was a lot
of posturing, name calling and laughing,
particularly when Га come back to school
after working on a show or movie. I was
on the basketball team, and when we'd go
to an away game and I was at the foul line
shooting a free throw, it wasn’t unusual for
the opposing band to strike up the Andy
Griffith Show theme song and for them to
scream, “Miss it, Opie!” I always played
better away, so maybe something about
that was fueling me. Maybe that’s why to-
day I’m willing to go on the internet and
read what's being said about me. Maybe
that's some masochistic tendency or bad
pattern that goes back to those days.
PLAYBOY: Were you ever tempted to go
full badass big-time TV and movie star
on those people who gave you grief?
HOWARD: Fuck them and their sense of
what I was supposed to be. Those ass-
holes would come up to me and say stuff
like “Hey, movie star, where's your car?”
When it came time for me to buy a car,
I bought a VW because the cliché would
have been for me to drive a Camaro. My
natural personality and the example set
for me Бу my dad—and by anybody ГА
ever been around professionally—made
me never want to play into the cliché.
PLAYBOY: In the 1970s, lots of people,
including many young ТУ and movie
actors, drank and experimented with
drugs. Did you partake?

HOWARD: 1 was pretty scared of drugs,
and my dad wouldn't let me go to
“those” parties—which chafed at me.
My younger brother, Clint, fell into a
whole partying thing, though he's many
decades sober now. I’m lucky I wasn't
drawn toward rebellion in that form or
to complying with a social group I felt
I needed to be part of. I was blessed to
have met my wife-to-be, Cheryl, in high
school when we were 16.

PLAYBOY: Do you ever feel lucky that you
were a young actor before the days of so-
cial media and tabloid TV?

HOWARD: Very much so. I won't give you
any specific examples of what I’m glad
nobody photographed, but there would
have been some explaining to do. And

PLAYBOY

when that explanation has to be public,
it can endure in very hurtful ways.
PLAYBOY: How’d you lose your virginity?
HOWARD: Га literally been on only three
or four dates before 1 met Cheryl, so it
was with her, as you would expect. And it
was in a fantastic, exploratory way.
PLAYBOY: How old were you?
HOWARD: We were teens. We probably
hadn't talked about marriage, but we
were in love and committed to each
other. It wasn't gawky, goofy explor-
atory stuff—though it was gawky and
goofy. Once my dad saw that we were in
a long-term relationship he gave me Ev-
erything You Always Wanted to Know About
Sex but Were Afraid to Ask. We had a lot of
fun exploring that, and it was one hell
of an education, like, Hmmm, how would
this work?
PLAYBOY: Are you a romantic?
HOWARD: I just kind of blurted out my
marriage proposal on a freeway off-ramp.
I did no romantic preparation. I had no
ring tucked away in a cupcake. Cheryl
was studying at Cal State Northridge,
and when Га asked her a couple of times
before, she’d turned me down, saying
she'd be open to it when she was about to
graduate. When I finally had the nerve, I
just asked, and she said yes. She also said,
“God, my hair isn’t even washed.” We
married at 21 and continue to have a rich
romantic life and a rewarding, gratifying
relationship. If you’re in love and commit-
ted to each other, you have to be ready to
weather some turbulence and know that’s
part of navigating a long-term relation-
ship. I don’t believe in any of that “stay
together for the kids” bullshit. I never as-
sumed our relationship would last forever,
just like I never assumed Brian Grazer and
I would be business partners for 30-some
years. But I’d be shocked if anything went
wrong now.
PLAYBOY: How happy were the seven
years you starred on Happy Days, which
debuted in 1974?
HOWARD: I did the pilot because I had a
horrible draft lottery number and I was
afraid there were no more deferments. I
thought if I was on a television series the
parent company or the network would try
to protect me. The pilot didn’t sell imme-
diately, but Nixon did away with the draft,
so I was okay. I had just started studying
film at USC when Happy Days got picked
up, and I had to drop out. The show be-
came a smash, but I never really under-
stood it, its tone or its success. I thought
it was a good job for me, but you never
think a show is going to go and go and go.
In the early 1980s I started to get jobs
as a director, and of course I was thought
of for comedies like Night Shift. I was so
grateful for those years at the [Happy
Days creator] Garry Marshall school of
comedy, getting great lessons in how to
do go-for-the-jokes, middle-of-the-road,
number-one hit comedies.
PLAYBOY: How did you make the jump
to directing?

HOWARD: It was all Happy Days. Roger
Corman wouldn’t have let me direct
Grand Theft Auto if I wasn’t on a number
one show. I had already begun to feel I
was hitting a ceiling as an actor. I want-
ed to be a director, not an actor-director.
I hadn’t done any writing or made any
short films for about a year after I was
married. Cheryl and I lived in a two-
bedroom apartment in the Los Feliz
neighborhood of Los Angeles. I bought
a 16-millimeter Moviola and set it in the
spare bedroom with the door open. I
told Cheryl, “Every time I walk by that
room I want to look at that Moviola and
see that there’s no film in it.” That got
me writing and making short films on
the weekends again. Within a year I was
directing Grand Theft Auto, which—as
Roger Corman has theorized—was just
young people on the run in a car and
car-crash stuff inspired by It’s a Mad,
Mad, Mad, Mad World.

If yow’re in love
and committed
to each other,
you have to
be ready to
weather some
turbulence.

PLAYBOY: In 1980 you directed 10-time
nominee and two-time Oscar winner
Bette Davis in the TV movie Skyward.
Five years later, you directed Don
Ameche, another legend, in the sci-fi
film Cocoon. Did they haze you?

HOWARD: When Га talk about the glory
days of Hollywood, Don—the Gentle-
man, as I called him—would put his hand
on my shoulder and say, “Don’t long for
that.” He told me how he would get in-
credible reviews for a movie and then, for
the next three years, they'd put him in
only romantic comedies and he couldn't
do anything about it. It seemed to really
eat him up. One of the thrills of my ca-
reer was seeing Don win the Academy
Award for Cocoon. With Bette Davis, I had
seen all the films she’d made with her fa-
vorite director, William Wyler—The Little
Foxes, Jezebel—and knew that Wyler wore
suits and ties to the set. The first day of
shooting it was 100 degrees on a tarmac in

Plano, Texas and I was wearing a suit and
tie. I had to go over and show Bette Davis
how to fake a scene in an airplane cockpit
where she’s pretending to be flying upside
down. She sees me walking up to her and,
loud enough for the whole crew to hear,
says, “Oh my God, I saw this child walk-
ing up to me and wondered what could
this child possibly have to say to me of any
consequence? Ha-ha-ha!” She’d already
told me she would call me Mr. Howard
until she decided whether or not she liked
me. Meanwhile, I’m popping Tums and
tossing and turning.

PLAYBOY: Did she ever decide?

HOWARD: Toward the end of that first day,
she had some trouble with a scene that
had tricky dialogue and staging. I gave
her a suggestion, and she said, “Oh no,
I don't think so, but ГИ try it. Ha-ha-ha!”
She put out her unfiltered Camel, did the
scene, and it flowed nicely. Fifteen min-
utes later, I went up and said, “Thank
you for a great day, Miss Davis. ГЇЇ see you
tomorrow.” And she said, “Okay, Ron, see
you tomorrow,” and patted me on the ass.
That didn’t mean I was out of the woods,
but when the shooting was over, she said,
“I had my doubts about you, but you
could be another Wyler.” Гуе never lived
up to that, but I’ve tried.

PLAYBOY: When you're doing a movie, do
you still pop Tums and toss and turn?
HOWARD: Especially as I get older and
have to get up to take a leak in the
middle of the night. When I’m shoot-
ing, that three Am. journey to the toilet is
pretty much about it for me sleepwise. I
get butterflies almost every day. There’s
a finite amount of time to achieve things.
You never know when you'll have a
chance to make a horrible oversight or
capture something within those frame
lines that people will want to use on
their retrospective reels. I’m rabid about
trying to carry my end of the bargain,
because I’m going to expect a lot from
people. I want to create an environment
where there’s an opportunity for them
to feel as though they’ve excelled.
PLAYBOY: Because some of your earliest
movies such as Splash, Cocoon and Apollo
13 were financially and critically ac-
claimed, there’s a perception that you’re
most attracted to making movies for the
widest possible audience. But how easy
was it getting those movies made?
HOWARD: [Laughs] They were anything
but low-hanging fruit. Splash took me
four years to get off the ground. So many
actors turned down those roles. Cocoon, a
movie featuring a cast of senior citizens—
or as I used to call it, Close Encounters on
Golden Pond—didn't seem like a particu-
larly commercial idea to anyone. Apollo
13 terrified me on a commercial level.
You couldn’t make a better movie about
the space program than The Right Stuff,
and no one had gone to see that. When
Brian Grazer and I cast Tom Hanks, di-
rector friends asked, “Are you putting a
comedy spin (continued on page 131)

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THE DEATH OF A LUCHADOR IN THE RING SENDS MEXICAN WRESTLING TO THE MAT

BY THOMAS GOLIANOPOULOS

Marisela Peña, president of AAA Wrestling, has a tradi-
tion: She brings an urn, a vase made of gold and silver
so ornate it practically glows, to every major AAA event.
The urn contains the ashes of the company founder,
her brother Antonio, who died in 2006.

Backstage at the Arena Ciudad de México, 20 min-
utes before the start of Triplemanía XXIII, the biggest
lucha libre show of the year, here is Peña in a poufy baby-
blue evening gown more appropriate for the Met Ball
than a wrestling match, holding the urn and delivering
a pep talk to her roster—her children, as she calls them.
She stands next to Luz Ramírez, who also clutches a
memorial—a modest carved mahogany box with a tiny
gold crucifix secured near the lid. It contains the ashes
of her son Pedro “Hijo del Perro” Aguayo Ramírez, one
of tonight’s inductees into ААА Hall of Fame.

Illustration by Jason Holley

On the night of Friday, March 20,
2015, Aguayo wrestled in Tijuana in a
four-person match that, when compared
with the bloody brawls he was known
for, appeared fairly sedate. “Everything
was normal,” says Т.Ј. “Manik” Perkins,
Aguayo's tag-team partner that evening.
“Up until the moment we were both on
the ropes, everything was totally normal.”
About five minutes in, Aguayo charged
one of his opponents, Oscar “Rey Myste-
rio” Gutiérrez Rubio, in the corner, where
Mysterio delivered Aguayo a double boot
to the face. Aguayo then rolled forward
and took a flying head scissors to the out-
side, resulting in an awkward bump on
the ring apron. When Aguayo reentered
the ring, Mysterio drop-kicked him in the
shoulder. He crumpled into the middle
rope, the perfect position for Mysterio's
signature move, the 619. Manik fell next
to Aguayo. Both were supposed to duck
when Mysterio swooped in, but Manik,
sensing something was wrong, whispered,
“Perro, Perro, down!” As Mysterio flew
over him, Aguayo lay still, then slumped to
the bottom rope and, finally, to the canvas.
He died at a nearby hospital. The cause of
death was cardiac arrest, likely the result
of a cervical stroke that occurred when his
neck was broken. He was 35.

Peña's speech outside the locker room
is brief, a few words on the company's suc-
cess and the tragic circumstances of this
evening. It ends with another AAA tradi-
tion: a cheer for the departed.

“Perro! Perro! Long live Perro! Rah,
rah, rah!”

When Peña talks about Aguayo, the
son of a legend who became a legend
himself following a decade-long stretch
as the most popular rudo (heel, or bad
guy) in Mexico, she still aches. “I feel a
pain in my heart,” she says. “The peo-
ple of Mexico feel a pain in their heart.”
The mourning spread across borders. “I
was just in Colombia and there were fans
with tears in their eyes, holding pictures
of him,” Aguayo's on-screen girlfriend

Taya Valkyrie says through her own tears.
“After he died, 1 swear 1 saw him in the
dressing room. It still feels like a pres-
ence is missing.”

Aguayo's death has been called a freak
accident. It is also a tragedy with more
than one victim.

A few minutes before Peña's address,
Konnan, director of AAA's Creative
Department, lumbers between dressing
rooms, providing last-minute instruc-
tions to the luchadores. A 51-year-old
Cuban born Carlos Ashenoff, Konnan
was the biggest star in Mexican wrestling
in the early 1990s. He now walks with
a slight limp after hip-replacement sur-
gery; he's also had a kidney transplant.
His concern at the moment is the hair
vs. hair match between Alberto El Patrón
and Brian Cage, an American with Wol-
verine sideburns and an “evil foreigner”
gimmick—he wears a VOTE FOR TRUMP:
MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN T-shirt.
Konnan listens as Cage runs through
the outlined finish. “Super kick, one, two,
that's the slow count, DDT, slow count, we
head to the top rope, I catch him, power
bomb off the ropes, false finish, low blow,
he takes me into the chair that's set up in
the corner the whole time, then arm bar.”
“Just so you know, I talked to Alberto.

Bring the physicality up,” Konnan
directs. “I need it to be pure and crisp.”
Before exiting, he remembers a big stunt
planned for the match. “Listen, there's
something you need to know about the
particleboard. The best way to break it
is to fucking flip into it. If you go into it
shoulder first, it will just break in half. If
you flip, it will blow up, and the fucking
crowd will blow up. I watched the match
between Perro and Myzteziz, and when
Myzteziz threw Perro into the particle-
board, Perro did a full flip and the
fucking thing exploded.”

Konnan thinks of Aguayo often—
and not just because he was ringside in
Tijuana. He remembers meeting—and
threatening—Aguayo when the boy was
11 years old. At the time, Konnan was
battling on-screen with Pedro “El Perro”
Aguayo Sr., possibly the most popular
nonmasked wrestler in Mexico's history.
It was the hottest feud in the country, and
during an appearance on Y Usted. ..¿Qué
Opina?, a long-running talk show, Kon-
nan told Aguayo Sr., “I hope your son
gets in the wrestling business, because
once I’m done whupping your ass, I’m
going to whup his ass.” Later, in the dress-
ing room, Perrito, as the younger Aguayo
was nicknamed, refused to shake Kon-
nan’s hand. He was terrified. His father,
an old-school type, (continued on page 138)

“Tt was a
ever

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Miss February
KAYSLEE COLLINS

This page:
Miss September
MONICA SIM

` Opposite page:

бы aop >
Miss October
ANA CHERI:

Тот a

2
»

б ( >
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( 2! : 3 e
p", TA E
Э COMAS vi
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iss April |
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CHELSIE ARYN

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KAYLIA CASSANDRA»
-

In the Courtof

KING GEORGE

THE SECRET WORLD OF CASINOS

WORDS & PICTURES
by BEN SCHOTT

es the top down, the hierarchy of the

traditional casino gaming floor is:

CEO
VICE PRESIDENT
CHIEF GAMING OFFICER
(oversees table games and slot machines)
CASINO MANAGER
(the DIRECTOR OF TABLE GAMES)
SHIFT MANAGER
PIT MANAGER
(manages a number of PITS, each of
which includes a number of SECTIONS)
FLOOR SUPERVISOR
(manages a section, which varies by the
complexity of the games included: e.g.,
four blackjack tables, one craps table or
two roulette wheels and one blackjack table)
DEALER

Dealers work in a four-person STRING
(cards and roulette) or CREW (craps)—
with three of them dealing at any one time
and one RELIEF rotating between them
every 20 minutes.

A new dealer signals he's ready to take
over by TAPPING OUT his colleague on
the left shoulder (a.k.a. PUSHING IN).
This allows the active dealer to complete all
the remaining transactions before CLAP-
PING OUT—showing players and secu-
rity his empty hands. The outgoing dealer
then introduces his replacement and may
pass on intelligence about the state of tip-
ping, either with an aside (“Look out for
GEORGE—sorry, Bill—at FIRST BASE”)
or, less subtly, by spreading the cards not
into an arc but an S-shape, for STIFF.

Dealers use a range of signals to alert col-
leagues that HEAT or BRASS (management)
is ON THE FLOOR—for example, tapping
the craps stick on the edge of the table.

DEALERS

Dealers instinctively assess players, some-
times based on how they’re dressed, but more
often on how they play. A dealer will instant-
ly сгоск those exhibiting GAME KNOWL-
EDGE or STRATEGIC PLAY. Dealers can
spot off-duty dealers by certain TELLS, such
as encouraging other players to tip, riffling
or drop-cutting chips and, in poker, pitch-
ing cards into the muck when they fold.

Dealers are instructed to TALK THE
GAME, which means verbalizing actions
for the benefit of players and supervisors, as
well as for their own concentration. A call
of CASH CHANGE, for example, alerts the
pit bosses that money is being exchanged for
checks, and COLOR UP or COLOR DOWN
indicates that checks are being exchanged for
larger or smaller denominations.

Ф 5 5

BREAK-IN HOUSES - Casinos that hire and
train inexperienced (BREAKER) dealers—
often straight from dealer school.

HUSTLING THE TOKE/STRONG-ARMING -
Attempting to persuade players to tip. SOFT
HUSTLES include paying a winner in low-
denomination chips to encourage tipping. A
HARD HUSTLE is when a dealer says some-
thing like “Hey, that check would look great
as a dealer bet!” Toke hustling is prohibited by
management and frowned on by most dealers
(who pool their tips) as unprofessional and
counterproductive.

DEAD GAME/DEAD SPREAD - An open
table with no players. Dealers are instructed
to stand at dead tables, the cards arced in
front of them, with their hands at either
side and a welcoming look on their face.
Those looking for a quiet shift avoid mak-
ing eye contact with passing customers to
discourage action.

CROSSFIRE - When dealers chat with their
colleagues at nearby tables. Prohibited by
management.

PLAYERS

GEORGE - The most admired
player in any casino: a good
tipper. Also KING GEORGE,

TRIPLE GEORGE and JORGE.

TOM/STIFF - A “tight old man”
(Т-0-М), a reluctant tipper or
non-tipper, a player who brings
his own food and drink to avoid
TOKING the waitresses. TOMS
TOKE the dealer a WHITE and
say CHOP to get 50 cents back.

STEAMER . A (reckless) player
for whom speed is the motiva-
tion, win or lose.

FISH - A fool. In craps, a RAIL-
HOGGER; in poker, one taken
for a ride by other players.

TAKING THE HOOK - When a
player CHASES wins or losses;
the player can be REELED IN by
an experienced dealer.

ROCKS - Poker players who bet
only when they have THE NUTS
(a strong hand).

FACCE : А player whose face de-
serves a slap.

ON TILT - Describes a poker
player who is playing well below
his ability, usually by being ex-
cessively reckless; when a player
has his NOSE OPEN.

DONK - An unskilled player.

ACORN - A newbie; one who
can be taught and molded by
a dealer.

GRINDER - One who plays at
the same table hour after hour,
rarely changing betting Pat-
terns and usually not toking. A
GRIND JOINT is a casino with
low-limit games.

CARDS & SHUFFLES

ss CASINO dealers are fluent in the core card games such as blackjack (SNAPPER, 2 1,
B.J.) and baccarat (ВАС), as well as a number of sPIN-OFF, NOVELTY ог CARNIVAL
games (including Big Six, Let It Ride and Three-Card Poker). The rules of each game differ, but the
basic techniques of shuffling, dealing and check-handling remain consistent. Shuffles vary by casino
and game—the challenge for the house is to ensure adequate "game protection" while maximizing

the number of hands dealt per hour. + A (somewhat elaborate) shuffle might be:

WASH 5 RIFFLE (F RIFFLE (F STRIP ($ RIFFLE F BOX F CUT F BURN

WASHING/SCRAMBLING ...................... Randomly mixing cards facedown on the felt.
o cenae сонына ын gnat ирж Dividing a deck in two and interleaving the halves.
ШЕЙ). c compas A series of cuts (usually three to seven) stacked one on top of another.
BOXING... Placing the bottom third ofa deck on the top, sometimes with a 180-degree rotation.
BURNING. sans orco semen a s edu acida arts va Discarding the top card.
A оеш. Dealing cards from the hand rather than a SHOE (dealing box).

SHORT PITCH......
HELICOPTERING

EXPOSED/FLASHED CARD................
PER ЖУЛИ ‚ә элуу aaa

— A card that doesn't make it across the felt to the player.
. Pitching the cards high above the table, risking exposure.
А card whose value has been accidentally displayed.
— — M A card faceup in the deck.

Morano rra Whatever the dealer is holding after the first card has been dealt.

С OCKTAIL waitresses аге a key part of a
casinos ecosystem; they work hard at
charming guests and sustaining the flow of
COMPED alcohol.

At the start of each shift, waitresses swap
intelligence on players (“There's a George
on table two”) before setting out on their
ROUNDS. Once collected, orders are filled
at backstage SERVICE BARS. Here wait-
resses prepare their own glasses, ice and gar-
nishes for the barmen and CALL the drinks
in a set order, usually beers first, followed by
mixed drinks and shots (in order: vodkas,
gins, whiskeys), and then wine, soda and
juices. + Most standard orders are dispensed
via GUNS (pictured at right), which have
key codes for different drinks and brands of
liquor. House liquor is served unless a pre-
mium brand is requested.

Because waitresses keep their own tips (un-
like most dealers), getting the best SHIFTS
and SECTIONS is crucial: Working GRAVE-
YARD in PENNY SLOTS can be financially
disastrous, whereas the CRAPS PIT on Super
Bowl weekend is highly rewarding. Shifts and
sections are allocated by seniority based on
longevity; at the top of the ladder are DAY
ONE waitresses, who joined when a casino
opened. (This explains waitresses’ preference
for new establishments.)

Slots players usually tip cash or vouchers;
table players usually tip checks. Some wait-
resses linger at a table to develop a rapport
with players; others are all business, figur-
ing they're just dropping off a drink. But if

WAITRESSES

The brutally repetitive nature of dealing blackjack.

ASA

<
T
2
D
А

you don't think waitresses are comparing
the color of your stacks with what you tip,
you're crazy. King Georges are sometimes
referred to by the value of their toke (“Mr.
Black on table three”). Dealers will often en-
courage stiffs not to forget their waitresses.
> If a shift has been profitable, waitresses
say they MADE BANK; if especially good,
they MADE YELLOW (ie., $1,000), or even
“Get the milk ready! I Бос a CHOCOLATE
CHIP” ($5,000).

Given the stereotypes of casino wait-
resses (and the uniforms they’re given to
wear), many consider gentle flirtation to
be part of the job. But dealers, supervisors
and security are all alert for any banter that
turns abusive. Some single waitresses wear
engagement or wedding rings to keep pests
at bay; some married waitresses work ring-
less to inspire hope.

SUPERSTITION —

Players
A LONG WITH lucky clothes, charms, seats,

tables, machines and dealers, players of-
ten have a host of superstitions. Some buy in for
odd amounts or for sums featuring eights (such
as $8,880); others think $50 bills are unlucky.
* In craps, saying “seven” is considered unlucky
and ill-mannered, as is applauding your own
roll. Some believe a new stickman will prompt
a seven; a left-handed female shooter is con-
sidered lucky; cocktail waitresses are thought
to cool the action; and changing the dice af-
ter a winning run supposedly brings bad luck.
VIRGIN shooters are lucky if female, unlucky
if male. # Blackjack players believe a strong
ANCHOR (the last player) prevents the dealer’s
“destined” card from going awry. Others place
two bets instead of one to change their luck. #
Slots players tap the screen or the side of the ma-
chine for luck, or they crank the arm rather than
push the button to spin the reels. Some believe
cash bets win more than voucher bets or that
machines are programmed to favor new players.
Cell phone signals are said to influence a win
positively—or negatively, depending on whom
you ask. And opinions differ as to whether a
casino loyalty card increases or decreases your
odds. # Card players shout MONKEY (possibly
a corruption of “monarchy”) in a bid to encour-
age PAINT (face cards) or tens.

The House

IE IS CURIOUS how irrational even ex-
perienced dealers and floor men can be,
though inexplicable runs of luck may signal
a flaw in security. # Supervisors have been
known to perform a range of rituals to COOL
the action: shaking salt behind players or
under tables, turning the drop-box paddle
around in its slot, standing on one leg, swap-
ping out winning dice or cards—sometimes
for replacements that have literally been
chilled in a fridge. One shift manager places
a folded surveillance photograph of a “lucky”
player inside his shoe before walking the
floor. # Craps is a hotbed of superstition.
Pit bosses have been known to place seven
ashtrays around a table, to spray paint the
number seven on the table when changing the
cloth and even to have “hot” tables moved an
inch or so. Unscrupulous dealers might throw
coins under the table to bring bad luck or find
any excuse to touch the dice or brush against
a shooter. # Anxious floor men who SWEAT
THE MONEY are known as BLEEDERS.

Finally, many on both sides of the table are
convinced it’s unlucky to be superstitious.

CASH, CHECKS & CHIPS

p he many use CHECK and CHIP
interchangeably, there is a difference.
Checks have a value and are color-coded:

$ Color Nickname
WHITE bird dropping
2 YELLOW -
2.50 PINK -
$ RED nickel
25 GREEN quarter
100 BLACK buck
500 PURPLE -

IK YELLOW/ORANGE banana, pumpkin
SK BROWN/GRAY chocolate

(These are common check colors, but they vary by casino.)

Chips—commonly used in roulette—have no
set value until a player BUYS IN and denomi-
nates them according to his bankroll. Some
players request colors they consider lucky.

When players buy in, they place their
bills on the felt, and the dealer sorts them by
denomination before BREAKING THEM
DOWN in an overlapping pattern visible to
the EYE. The largest-denomination bills are
placed nearest the wheel (roulette) or the
shoe (cards) for security. Then the number
of chips or checks is manually PROVED to
the player (and to the cameras), before being
PUSHED (SENT/PASSED) across the table
with the dealer’s outside hand (in roulette,
the hand farthest from the wheel). Standard
TWENTY STACKS are usually pushed using
the formations illustrated below.

With table games, the house’s checks are
stored in the RACK (BANK/TRAY/WELL)
in front of the dealer and are arranged by
color in the various TUBES. (Larger de-
nominations are stored on the inside of the
rack for protection.) Dealers use various
techniques to remove checks from the rack,
including:

PLUCKING/PICKING - Taking chips one
at a time, at high speed.

SHORT STACK - Any stack under 200 but
still in a house-approved format.

~> PUSHED TOWARD PLAYER

452 Ske ЗИ 21»

THE FLOWER CHRISTMAS TREE

TWO THREE DIAMOND

FIVE

DIRTY STACK/BARBER'S POLE - A stack
of different-value checks.

CUTTING - Separating chips from a stack or
dividing a stack into smaller units.

SPLASHING/SPREADING - Sliding (w1P-
ING) a stack of checks (usually four or five)
into a line along the layout to demonstrate
(PROVE) the number.

DROP CUT - To skillfully release a number
of checks from the bottom of a stack by feel.

COLOR FOR COLOR - Paying a winning bet
by matching the checks a player staked.

CONVERTING - Paying a winner with a
larger value check and taking change.

DIRTY MONEY - Checks collected from a los-
ing bet. Some think it bad luck (or bad man-
ners) to pay winners with dirty money—and
many casinos think it's bad game security.

COLOR UP - To exchange a number of low-
denomination chips for fewer chips of high-
er value. The opposite is CHECK CHANGE.

MUCKING/CHIPPING UP Gathering
chips from the layout into your palm—a
test of skill and speed examined when AU-
DITIONING for a job as dealer. Mucking
can be assisted by a colleague (MUCKER) or
а CHIPPING MACHINE.

TIGHTENING THE POT - Rearranging a
large pile of chips (in poker) for neatness or
game security, or so they can be pushed easily.

HAND TO HAND - Passing chips, cash or any-
thing else by hand without placing it on the
layout first—a breach of game protection.

TAPPING TOKES - When the dealer knocks
a check he's been tipped against a hard surface
before dropping it into the токк Box. Tap-
ping notifies the supervisor and security, and
soft hustles other players to ZUKE (tip).

COMMON STACK-PUSHING FORMATIONS

SIX

ROULETTE ——

OULETTE dealers PICK AND FLICK

the PILL (ball) in various ways, includ-
ing SNAPPING it between their fingers or
WHIPPING it around the wheel. Casinos re-
quire dealers to vary the position and strength
of their spins to prevent players from CLOCK-
ING or TRACKING patterns. The ball must
make at least three revolutions; many players
wont bet until it is in motion, so dealers of-
ten SLING the pill with vigor to allow extra
time for chips to be placed. That said, more
spins mean more profit, and dealers are under

pressure to keep the game moving. Winning
numbers are marked with a DOLLY. # Some
dealers memorize PICTURE BETS to help
them calculate odds. For example, the bet be-
low (two corners, one straight up) is known as
the MICKEY MOUSE—it pays 51 to one.

— — CRAPS ———

ў | THE four-man craps crew comprises a
STICKMAN, two BASEMEN (who

place and supervise bets) and a rotating RE-
LIEF. They are supervised by a BOX MAN,
who sits opposite the stickman, in front of the
chip rack. The stickman checks the dice after
each throw, returns the dice to the shooter
with the STICK (MOP/WHIP/POLE), hustles
up action, places and encourages high-risk
proposition bets in the center of the layout
(SELLING PROPS) and CALLS the rolls. 4
Rolls are called aloud to announce the total
and how it was made (EASY or HARD), and to
help dealers PAY OUT correctly. Calls are de-
signed to avoid mishearing, for example, “Five,
five, no-field five” ensures a roll is not confused
with “Center field nine.’ “Yo” or “Yo-leven” is
called when the total is 11, to avoid being mis-
taken for the dreaded seven. Many stickmen
take pride in quirky or risqué calls, such as
“Ten, hard ten...girl’s best friend!”

NINE PYRAMID

— CHEATING & ADVANTAGE PLAY

ї | ІНЕ EYE IN THE SKY (surveillance) hunts for criminals, CHEATS and ADVANTAGE PLAY-
ERS. Cheating (breaking laws or casino rules) is illegal; advantage play (exploiting weak ca-
sino procedures or equipment) is not, though houses will ask advantage players to cease or leave.

BASIC STRATEGY/THE BOOK . The “cor-
rect” way to play. Cheats are often caught by
playing irrationally—sticking on a weak hand,
taking insurance inappropriately.

TAKING SHOTS - Attempting to cheat.

SMOKE - Deliberate bad play intended to
avert suspicion; a form of CAMOUFLAGE.

PINCHING - Removing chips from а bet.
CAPPING/PRESSING - Adding chips toa bet.

PAST POSTING - Adding chips to a rou-
lette or craps layout after a number has won.

(HAND) MUCKING/SWITCHING/CARD
PALMING Techniques to swap cards on the
table or introduce winning cards.

GAFF + Any equipment used to cheat. Dice
can be GAFFED in many ways:
MISSPOTTED/TOPS & BOTTOMS/TEES -
Dice misnumbered in various configurations to
avoid or ensure certain rolls.
LOADED - Weighted dice.
FLATS - Misshapen dice.
SHOEBOXES - Grossly misshapen dice,
easy to spot with the naked eye.

GLIM/SHINER - A reflective device.

COLD/STACKED DECK : A deck or shoe pre-
arranged by a cheat, a.k.a. COOLER.

PAPER + Marked cards, usually aces and tens.
A range of methods allow a deck to be READ:
CRIMPING - Folding or bending a card.
(THUMB) NAILING/DIMPLING - Indent-
ing a card, sometimes using a check that is
then toked to the dealer as a distraction.
DAUBING - Applying foreign substances
(a.k.a. SHADE) to the backs of cards.
PINNING/PUNCHING - Making small holes
or indentations in cards.

EDGE WORK - Shaving or nicking
the edge оЁа card.

BORDER WORK - Marking the
printed borders of cards.
SANDING - Filing the back of a card, say with
a speck of sandpaper stuck to a finger.

SLUG - A block of high-value cards (tens and
aces) introduced into a game, either deliber-
ately or through a weak shuffle.

CARD COUNTING - The most well-known
advantage play, in which players tally the cards
dealt and bet big at key moments.

BACK COUNTING - When card counters play
only advantageous hands, a.k.a. WONGING,
after blackjack ace Stanford Wong.

RAT-HOLING
sneak their own checks off the table to conceal
the amount they're winning.

When advantage players

EDGE PLAY/PLAYING THE SORTS/PLAY-
ING THE TURN - Exploiting printing errors to
identify cards by patterns on the reverse,

CONTROL ROLLING/RHYTHM ROLLING/
SLIDING - Trying to influence a craps roll by set-
Чпр апа shooting the dice in a specific way.

SUB - Anything used by a dealer to conceal
stolen checks—from a thick watchband to
shoes with specially created cavities.

DUMPING - When a dealer deliberately pays
losers, overpays winners or misplays a hand.

HOP сит. А false cut in which the cards
are returned to their original order.
FLUTTER CUT/BUTTERFLY CUT/
STUTTER СОТ. Riffing the cards during
the cut to expose their values.

STEP - When a dealer misaligns the deck to
indicate where a cheat should make the cut.

MECHANIC . A dealer who manipulates
cards to cheat—for example by BUBBLING
(squeezing) a deck to PEEK at the top card(s)
and then DEUCE DEALING the second card.

FRONT LOADING - When a sloppy or weak
dealer FLASHES his hole card.

FIRST BASING/THIRD BASING - READ-
1NG the dealer’s hole card from the first or last
seat. SPOOKING is when a spectator commu-
nicates the dealer's hole card to a player.

BACKING OFF/THE TAP - Stopping an ad-
vantage player from playing. Some casinos
FLAT BET card counters, permitting them to
wager a fixed sum for the duration of a shoe.

TRESPASSING . When a casino instructs an
individual to leave. Known sometimes as NRS
207.200—Nevada’s trespass statute.

PAYLINES 2000000006

К s less glamorous than table
games, slots contribute a significant pro-
portion of gaming revenue: 46 percent for ca-
sinos on the Strip, 63 percent across Nevada, in
2014. Indeed, slots are a star attraction at some
casinos—not least the El Cortez in Las Vegas;
it has 237 traditional coin-operated machines
and one of the last remaining “hard count”
rooms to handle all the change. + Players de-
velop affection for specific machines (“You can
move 'em, but they will find 'em"), which can
make decommissioning games problematic.

VOLATILITY - The risk-reward ratio ofa game.
High-volatility slots make infrequent payouts
of larger sums; low-volatility slots, the opposite.

TASTE - Small wins that are designed to keep
players at the machine, a.k.a. INTERMIT-
TENT REWARDS.

ATTRACT MODE - The sequence of sounds
and lights designed to beguile passing players.

APPOINTMENT GAMES - Games that draw
players into a casino, such as Buffalo Slots.

HOLD - The percentage of bets kept by the
house. Holds can be LOOSE (marginally
more favorable to the player) or тїєнт (fa-
voring the house).

BONUS VULTURES/FLEAS . Neer-do-wells
who intimidate (older) players into abandon-
ing a game just before it is due to pay a bonus.
Casinos are conscious of the FLEA FACTOR
when purchasing new games.

Coin slots are susceptible to a range of
cheating techniques, including the MONKEY
paw (a metal hook designed to fake a coin)
and SHAVED TOKENS or SLUGS that regis-
ter a credit but fall through the machine. Ex-
perienced slot workers instantly recognize the
clang of a slug as it falls through a machine.

Thanks to the staff of the Cosmopolitan of Las Vegas,
Todd Greenberg, Michael Shackleford, Bill Zender,
Marc Shumsker, Eric Jacobs, John Robison, Kenny
Epstein and the staff of the El Cortez.

“Wait a moment, Wallace. I want to think a few happy thoughts before doing an unpleasant act.”

I was lost.

Well, more accurately, my father was lost and I was with my
father. Does that make me lost by default? I suppose so. Some
would say that it is an inherited trait, being lost, like having
blue eyes, alcoholism or a tendency to see the glass half empty.

In Crow country, there are horses everywhere. Mostly wild
patchwork paints with mismatched eyes that give them a
crazed feral look. There are horses and the land is always on
fire. Not all of it, of course, but some of it always, at least every
time I have ever been there. In the early spring, after the
snowmelt but before green-up, men walk the fields with flame-
throwing devices, the fuel canisters strapped to their backs, the
flames shooting from long metal tubes. They walk the tangled
field edges, the creek bottoms, the orange and blue flames
stabbing out like tongues bitten ragged, tasting the air. The
alders and hunched Russian olives and tangled brown grasses
smoldering black and bursting into flame as pheasants cluck
and run senselessly across the bare fields. An apocalyptic scene
set against a backdrop of arthritic, leafless cottonwoods and
the flat hills that hide the Bighorn River.

We were lost in eastern Montana, Crow country, looking for
the Little Bighorn Battlefield, site of Custer's glorious defeat—
my father behind the wheel, piloting our silver compact rental
car over red clay roads greasy from the runoff of melted snow.
Smoke rose from the charred fields in gauzy patches, filling
the car with the faintly narcotic smell of smoldering weeds.
Our luggage was in the backseat. (continued on page 126)

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iss January Amberleigh West has spent most
of her life in the Pacific Northwest, a lush
landscape carved by rivers and punctuated
by majestic mountains, so it's no surprise
she enjoys the great outdoors more than the pulsing
confines of a club. “Being outside comes so naturally to
me—excuse the pun,” she says. “I bike, kayak and wake-
board. When my friends and I go camping, I’m the one
š who starts the fire. 1 don't own jewelry, and I don't need

glamour, which is why my pictorial is so awesome. It feels
-- like a dream.” Amberleigh is ambivalent toward the club
scene, materialistic froufrou and frivolous hedonism,
УУ 3 preferring instead to nourish her gray matter. The for-
жаз mer paralegal is meticulous when it comes to grammar
апа quotes Ayn Rand often. (She fell in love with Кара”

Get lost on a nature walk with Miss January, who's
always ready for an outdoor adventure

PLAYBOY.COM/AMBERLEIGH-WEST

PHOTOGRAPHY BY SASHA EISENMAN

in front of the lens instead of behind a desk has always
been the goal. “Гуе wanted to act since 1 was little, when
I used my mom's camera to film skits with my friends,”
she says. “That being said, for a long time I didn’t think I
could model, let alone be a Playmate, because I was never
the pretty, popular girl guys asked to the dance. I finally
learned to stop caring about what others thought. Flash $
forward to me getting an e-mail froma PLayBoyscout. I _ $ s
said “Hell yeah! and was in L.A. the next day Amber- Э
leigh's favorite actress is Emma Watson, to whom she
bears an uncanny resemblance, and she hopes to par-
lay her Playmatehood into similar top billings. In fact,
she has already shot an upcoming indie film alongside
Miss September 2015 Monica Simsand PMOY 201: ni
Mathers. “I'm serious about everything I do in life, апа . з

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PLAYMATE DATA SHEET

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BIRTH vesc E H BIRTHPLACE: - Wool Washi
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manners Ot try do impress me with material things.
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cookih r apiha out, as lona as 1445 healthy!
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PLAYBOY’S PARTY JOKES

Religion is like a penis. It's a perfectly fine
thing to have and take pride in, but when you
take it out and wave it In our faces it becomes
a problem.

Monica Lewinsky released a statement on Hil-
lary Clinton’s run for president: “I will not vote
for Hillary,” she said. “The last Clinton presi-
dent left a bad taste in my mouth.”

A man saw his ex-girlfriend at the mall. “I
thought of you the other night while I was hav-
ing sex,” he told her.

“You must really miss me,” she said.

“No,” he answered. “It just keeps me from
coming too quickly.”

ғ LA A

Why do 80 percent of women have bigger
left breasts?
Because 80 percent of men are right-handed.

What's worse than waking up at a party and
finding a penis drawn on your face?
Finding out it was traced.

I think we should go dutch,” a woman said to
her date. “You pay for dinner and a movie and
the rest of the night will be on me.”

The only time Pai sg candidates tell the
truth during debates is when they call each
other liars.

What should you do when your girlfriend tells
you she fakes orgasms?
Pretend you don't hear her.

Arguing with a woman is like reading an app
license agreement. In the end you ignore
everything and click “I agree.”

A recent study found that 48 percent of
women have used vibrators.
The other 52 percent have new ones.

Sex is a lot like pot: The quality depends on
the pusher.

How does a man demonstrate he knows how
to plan for the future?
He buys two cases of beer instead of one.

Things we hated as kids: naps and spankings.

Things we love as adults: naps and spankings.

А man and a woman were in bed together
when they both heard a key turn in the apart-
ment door.

“Jesus, it’s my husband,” the woman said.
“Quick, jump out the window.”

“Are you crazy?” the man said. “We're on the
13th floor.”

“This is no time to be superstitious,” she said.

It turns out being an adult these days is mostl
8 y у
Just googling how to do stuff.

Оле day while a mother was cleaning her
son's room she found his iPad open to a bond-
age website. “What do you think we should
do?” she asked her husband.

“Well,” he replied, “Т don't think we should
spank him.”

Isn't it scary to think that every bridge you drive
across was constructed by the lowest bidder?

Our Unabashed Dictionary defines magnet as
a woman who is attractive from the back but
repulsive once you see her front.

Mlay timar

How is college like unprotected sex?
It’s really fun until you get tested.

Акет an expensive Christmas, a father decided
it was time to tell his eight-year-old son about
Santa.“I think you're old enough to know that
Santa isn't real,” the father said. “To be honest,
he was made up so kids would behave.”

The boy looked his father in the eyes and
said, “Like how God was made up to make
adults behave?”

Monopoly is an outdated game because it has
a luxury tax and rich people go to jail.

How do you get rid of unwanted pubic hair?
Spit it out.

Send your jokes to Playboy Party Jokes, 9346 Civic
Center Drive, Beverly Hills, California 90210, or
by e-mail to jokes@playboy.com.

“So much for sex education.”

MARK AND JAY, THE SIBLINGS WHO ARE EVERYWHERE (TRANSPARENT,
TOGETHERNESS, THE LEAGUE) AND DO EVERYTHING (ACT, WRITE, DIRECT),
DISCUSS THEIR INTENSE RELATIONSHIP. TELL WHY THEY CRY A LOT AND
EXPLAIN HOW TO DIRECT YOUR BROTHER IN A SEX SCENE

PHOTOGRAPHY

Q1
PLAYBOY: Some brothers can barely
stand being in the same room, yet since
the early 2000s you two have co-written
and co-directed indie movies such
as The Puffy Chair and Jeff; Who Lives
at Home; co-produced 20-odd flicks
including The Skeleton Twins and The
Overnight; and co-created (with Steve
Zissis), co-written and co-directed the
HBO series Togetherness, which is about
to launch its second season. Plus, on the
side, you’re overseeing a seven-movie
Netflix deal, and Mark is a regular actor
on both Togetherness and The League and
Jay appears on Transparent. If you were
to write and direct a movie about what
your relationship is really like, would
skeletons come rattling out of the closet?
MARK: That movie would be rooted
in our childhood and akin to Life Is
Beautiful—a couple of kids living in the
middle of the Holocaust but having this
kind of contained, private, safe experi-
ence. We had an incredibly uncultivated
free-for-all youth in Metairie, a small
suburb outside New Orleans. Our dad
was a civil trial attorney who could dis-
sect anything, and our mother—this
creative bird flying through the sky—
stayed home to take care of us. It was
wide streets with 1970s-built houses up
against the levee and the water—no
summer camp, organized sports or play
dates, just running in the streets with
friends. It was rolling out of school at
2:45 and putting on that unabashedly
adult, feelings-based and sex-comedy
HBO shit we loved, like Sophie’s Choice,
Gandhi, Ordinary People, Tootsie and

BY STEPHEN REBELLO
BY HERRING

Woody Allen movies, while our friends
got stuck on Ghostbusters and Star Wars.

Q2
PLAYBOY: Sounds idyllic considering
the movies you make, but how would
that Duplass brothers biopic end?
MARK: Four miles away in New
Orleans, where it was dangerous and
exciting—but just like a smell, a feel-
ing, as opposed to something real for
us. We’d end our movie when Jay was
19 and I was 15 and we'd gone to a
strip club about a mile from our house.
Tiffany the dancer came out, there was
a blast of smoke behind her, and this
older gentleman turned to me, grabbed
my arm and said, “Where there’s smoke,
there's fire.” We knew we'd crossed over.

Q3
PLAYBOY: When women entered
your lives, with or without blasts of
smoke, did things between you shift or
become competitive?
MARK: No, because there’s an almost
four-year age gap between us. What
was always difficult was finding room
for girls inside our almost twin-like
relationship. We could always be polite
and friendly, socially and emotionally,
but with women it was always like, “How
do we find the space for this?” Over the
years it was hard for our girlfriends to
be close to each other. That was a hard
one to get right. We were driven. We're
both married now with kids. We finally
had to break up in some way to allow
marriage and children to come in.

5 HERRING

Q4
PLAYBOY: Was that breakup a “con-
scious uncoupling,” as Gwyneth Paltrow
called her divorce?
JAY: Or a semiconscious one. It’s a sine-
cosine wave that continues to morph
and change throughout the years.
We're faithful husbands; we're good
dads. But then Mark and I will spend
three intense months making Together-
ness and this rhythm will start to come
back. After the show is finished, ГЇЇ go
to Austin with my family for a month.
It’s hard enough to have one commit-
ted relationship. With us, it’s like being
polygamous.

Q5
PLAYBOY: Growing up, did you two
give your parents a lot of grief?
MARK: It was very hard to piss our
parents off. When we were really
young, we would annoy them daily on
a surface level with bullshit kid stuff,
like just being assholes in the back of
our station wagon. Our dad would
get to the point where he'd say, “I’m
putting a dollar on the dashboard for
every hour you guys are quiet, and you
can keep the dollar.” These were our
conflicts. We were raised with a simple
and clear message, which was “You are
amazing and you can do anything.”

Q6
PLAYBOY: Do you tell your own kids
the same thing now?
MARK: We live in Los Angeles, where
time is very scheduled and you can't let
kids roam. We (continued on page 132)

LOVEAND EQUALITY
REIGN SUPREME

On June 26, 2015, the Supreme Court
ruled that same-sex marriage is a
constitutional right. “Today we can
say, in no uncertain terms, that we
have made our union a little more
perfect,” President Barack Obama
said. We couldn’t agree more.

B M

WELCOME, CAITLYN JENNER AMBER ROSE'S

The Olympic champion and reality star SLUT WALK
revealed her gender transition to the world

The stripper turned model took to
L.A. streets to protest slut shaming
and victim blaming. Let us repeat:
Sexual violence is never okay.

JULY 2035

Катта
Police 2

music
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on the

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ook dis

red in Iran

BUTTS GONE OVERBOARD

2015: The year we pulled our gluteus maximus from too much twerking

EXCEPTIONAL GRACE
Been there, done that: In her
2015 memoir, lII Never Write
My Memoirs, Grace Jones
admits she used to stick tiny
rocks of cocaine up her ass
back in her Studio 54 days.

FUDGE MACHINES
Comedian and Trainwreck star
Amy Schumer has the final
word on our behind obsession
with her sketch song “Milk,
Milk, Lemonade (Round the
Corner Fudge 15 Made).”

TWERK OUT
Want a high-tech sex toy that
twerks? For just $699, you
can snag PornHub's Twerk-
ing Butt, which jiggles and
shakes to music and heats up
to a snuggly 98.6 degrees.

INTELLECTUAL BOOTY
Artist-academic Fannie Sosa
teaches global “twerkshops”
and claims in her Ph.D. disser-
tation that twerking descends
directly from neolithic fertility
dances. The more you know!

SEX in CINEMA |.

FIFTY
SHADES

OF GREY
Whips and
chains are ex-
citing, but not
when they collect
dust on a shelf.
This overhyped
flick made a kill-
ing at the box
office but failed

to arouse us.

The year's most sexually explicit film, |

from Argentinean director Gaspar :

Noé, features an abundance of cum
shots—all displayed in 3-D.

: РТ Anderson tackles Thomas Pynchon's novel in this :
: reefer-filled whodunit set in the 1970s. Duly noted: Kath- :
: erine Waterston (pictured) delivers a naked monologue. !

Stars Adam Scott and Jason Schwartz- :

man go full-frontal (almost) in this sex :
comedy equipped with fake penises :
and an abundance of anus portraits.

Can robots successfully seduce humans? Star Alicia
Vikander makes a strong case for the allure of artificial
intelligence, but we aren't ready to go full bot Just yet.

ROBOTIC

The customizable high-end sex dolls are getting a revolutionary upgrade: animated artificial intelli-
gence. A team of engineers is developing a robotic head attachment that can blink its eyes and open
and close its mouth. Full-body animation is next on the list. Estimated cost: $30,000 to $60,000.

WN х

ї ! à

Good, Weird and

Ugly Sex Products

A team of teens invented S.T.EYE., a
"smart" condom that changes color
when it detects a sexually transmitted
infection. Get this on the market, stat!

Bringing a whole new meaning to "I
Just Called to Say | Love You,” this
selfie stick lets you FaceTime with
the inside of your partner's vagina.

The merkin evolves! An entrepreneur

in Sweden sells granny panties made

of human hair, which raises the ques-
tion: Are they machine washable?

LITTLE
PINK PILL

In August the

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the “woman on top”
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women prefer
normal-size penises
to giant ones. The
perfect length:
6.3 inches.

Роре Benedict XVI
once said handing
out condoms would
increase AIDS
cases; inspired, a
Milwaukee artist
made a portrait

of Benedict out of
17,000 condoms.

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Models walk down
the runway at the
Rick Owens fashion
show in Paris, looking
very precarious and
uncomfortable.

A new look at this
fresco suggests
Priapus, the god of
fertility, suffers from
phimosis, an inability

to retract the foreskin.

A
A SS A

It's been said every
artist dips his brush
into his own soul.
Australia's “Pricasso”
takes that notion to a
whole new level.

lš

| RESPECT FORTHE |

к PENIS |
NOW!

The South African
government is none
too pleased with this
“respectful” satirical
painting of President
Jacob Zuma's penis.

PETER PIPER PECKER PUFFER

“One takes a toke, the
other gets a poke
say the makers of this
10-inch-long glass
dildo-bong.

21 GRAMS

We all grieve in our own way. Now
you can put the ashes of your
loved one in a sex toy.

OVIPOSITOR

For Alien fans and fetishists who
enjoy being impregnated with gel-
atin eggs, this is the toy for you.

RAIDERS OF THE LOST DILDO
Archaeologists discovered this
250-year-old leather dildo filled

with bristles in a latrine in Poland.

The multilingual Miss February.wi

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188 February Kristy Garett is a true woman

of the world. Born in the country of

Georgia and raised in southern Russia,

Kristy стїззсЁӨззёЧ the globe from Munich
to Milan to Miami as a fashion model before she caught
the eye of PLAYBOY. She speaks six languages: many sel
taught, and delights in the places she's visited. ЖӨ еН
her philosophies on matters of the heart are lyrical
amalgamations of world culture.

In Italy, where chefs are celebrities in their own right,
Kristy learned that cuisine should always be as pleasur-
able аз sex. “Good food can satisfy and relax your brain
in the same way,” she says. She also learned that love
“is the fire you feel when you grab somebody’s hand for
the first time.” In France she grew to embrace natural
beauty; last year she appeared.on the cover ofa popular
French fashion, magazine wearing no makeup. Having
been immersed in numerous art scenes, she describes

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the chapters of her life. “At 12, I listened to Mickey Mouse
music. At 18, every song became about love and relation-
ships. And now, at 25, my favorite songs are enigmatic,
like me.” In fact, her idol is none other than the myste-
rious Mona Lisa. “When people see me, I want them to
Tam on the inside, what I'm thinking and
niling,” she says.

NOW Kristy wants to put down roots in Los Angeles.
She's excited tovexperience the American way, which
is why she signed оп ТӨ pose im these pages, where we
immerse her in a world of bomberjackets and muscle cars.
“PLAYBOY has a classic American story, ап Want to bea
part of it,” she says. “The lifestyle here, where youre Hee
to express yourself, is my type of life. I am proud of the
woman I am and have always dreamed of being talked
about because of that.” As Miss February, Kristy is sure
to make that dream a reality.

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105

WELCOME ТО

IN THE HEART OF UGANDA, TWO AMATEUR FILMMAKERS
ARMED WITH A CAST OF UNTRAINED ACTORS, A STACK
OF VIOLENT SCRIPTS AND A DREAM OF MAKING IT BIG
FIGHTFORTHEPRAISE— AND THE MONEY — OF HOLLYWOOD

STORY AND PHOTOS BY DANIEL C. BRITT

soaked slum on the outskirts of Uganda’s capital city of Kampala. It’s nearly
sunset on a Saturday, and a dozen thin-armed locals shuffle around them
unfazed, hustling jackfruit and mobile-phone cards.

One of the men cuts off the animal’s head. A woman quickly grabs it, claiming it
for a fricassee she'll prepare later. The others start shaving the carcass down to its
white belly, but it takes time. The slum knives they use are dull, and the goat was
spry and fertile. Its short hairs are tightly locked in the epidermal tissue, and their
blades shear as efficiently as a butter knife against wet wood.

After a while the carcass stiffens, and the men chop off its legs. A toothy, gangly
white man—mzungu, they сай him, which translates to “white foreigner”—steps
into the carcass, its entire digestive tract still intact. (Like the head, the lungs will
be cooked on coals for a meal later.)

Braids of goat blood wrap the white man’s body like straps. Carcass in tow, he
climbs atop a table lined with palm leaves and closes his eyes. His mind travels
back to his Franciscan Catholic schooling in South Huntington, New York, when
he first vowed to give himself over to a higher good—to cinema and to art. In that
pursuit, the mzungu volunteered at film festivals, worked as a production assistant
on a TV show and lived out of his car. Now he is lying inside a mutilated mammal
in a red-dirt ghetto where people shit in bags, bathe in buckets and learn to enjoy
the parasites picked up from a chicken—or a goat.

Ё our Ugandan теп hover over a slaughtered goat in Wakaliga, a dusty, sun-

108

The men surrounding the mzungu
are costumed in tribal garb and bone
jewelry to look like cannibals. The
bones around their necks look re-
markably like those of a child, but in
fact they are from canines. Two of the
men spent days boiling down dead
dogs they'd found by the roadside and
stringing the most human-looking re-
mains into necklaces, maintaining the
slanted symmetry that was so popular
during the Upper Paleolithic period.
Details matter.

As the cannibals gather around the
table, the white man twitches, trying
to remain still. “God, this is so warm,”
he mumbles.

Off to the side, Isaac Nabwana stands
directing the cannibals in his native
Luganda. He reminds them it's their
first taste of sweet mzungu flesh. When
one snorts, growls and stomps a few
times, Nabwana decides they're ready

to start chewing on the animal's intes-
tines and large swatches of its flesh. He
breaks the choppy native dialogue with
a single word in English: “Action!”

The men begin to ferociously grab
the goat innards and chew on the flesh.
The mzungu screams bloody murder
until Nabwana shouts another word,
again in English.

“Cut!”

The actors spit out the chalky, iron-
tasting organs, wipe off their tongues
and stuff the intestines back into the
carcass. They position themselves as
before and stand waiting for their di-
rector's cues, ready for another take.
This is filmmaking, Uganda style.

Uganda's most prolific director has
never stepped foot inside a movie the-
ater. In fact, 43-year-old Isaac Nabwana
rarely leaves the three-room brick
home he built for his
wife, Harriet, and
their three small chil-
dren in Kampala's
slum. But Nabwana
has become Uganda's
most famous film
director, leading a
surge in filmmaking
so profuse that local
boda-boda (motorcycle
taxi) drivers have re-
named the Wakaliga
slum “Wakaliwood.”
A 47-second clip
from his first film, the
bullet-riddled Who
Killed Captain Alex?,
has been watched on

1. Alan Hofmanis prepares to be dismembered by
cannibals for Eaten Alive in Uganda. 2. Wakaliwood's
leading kung fu expert and fight choreographer,
Bukenya Charles. 3. Golola Moses, a local kickboxing
champ turned actor, poses with a scrap-metal ma-
chine gun. 4. Isaac Nabwana brandishes his toy pistol.

Facebook more than 11 million times.
Now his films are catching the attention
of bloggers and journalists from around
the world. Last year, documentarians
from the BBC trekked to Kampala sole-
ly to interview Nabwana. More notably,
a minute-long clip from the same film
was enough to convince a then 41-year-
old white man from New York named
Alan Hofmanis to give up his life in the
big city and relocate to the Wakaliga
slum to work with Nabwana.

“Tsaac is the only one out there with
something totally new to say,” says
Hofmanis of the super-low-budget,
outlandishly violent Wakaliwood aes-
thetic. “If he were shooting films for
under $200 in Brooklyn, as he is here,
and getting the same kind of response,
he'd be a folk hero.”

Nabwana has produced, written and
directed more than 40 low-budget,
feature-length action films, but no one
in the West would call him an auteur.
After scenes from Captain Alex hit You-
Tube in 2010 and raked in millions of
views, people pigeonholed Nabwana’s
plots and characters as either slurs on
Africa or sociological specimens to be
examined like the stitching in pygmy
masks—in any case, not footage to be
consumed by the moviegoing public.
One film distributor compared the
clips to a viral cat video. “For years
no one could see them for what they
are—genre films, action comedies,”
says Hofmanis. Now, Nabwana and the
mzungu are collaborating on what will
be Uganda’s first action-film trilogy,
which they hope to debut this year at
the Festival de Cannes. “Isaac is an art-
ist, but no one (continued on page 134)

"It's really not a party without champagne.”

From a supercar that leaves us begging for more track time to a
compact that has us completely sold on getting pra ical, here’s our list
of the best new models and innovations in au

BY MARCUS AMICK

THE SU PERH ERO There comes a point while driv- the five selectable drive modes.
ing the Mercedes AMG GT S when But the more you indulge in the
WINNER you feel yourself transforming 503-horsepower coupe, the more
E E ETA, from a mere mortal into some- compelled you are to play the role.
Mercedes-Benz thing of а caped crusader. It's hard Make no mistake about it: The
AMG GTS to pinpoint whether this change motivation to finally pursue that
$129,000 occurs when you rev the car’s bi- career change doesn’t get any
turbo V8 or when you dial through better than this.

Mazda MX-5 Miata

With a starting price under
$25,000, Mazda's fourth-
gen iteration of its flagship
roadster earns it the kind of
street cred typically reserved
for high-end exotics. Pow-
ered by a 155-horsepower
two-liter engine, the incred-
ibly light and nimble MX-5 is
a vivid reminder that some

TOP COMPETITOR
WINNER

Cadillac ATS-V C
$62,665

$24,915

of the biggest thrills often
come in small packages.
There's a reason Miatas are
the most commonly raced
cars on the amateur circuits:
They're true sports cars in
the tradition of the great
Italian and British roadsters.
And now the MX-5 is in a
league of its own.

luxury two-seater is
tough regardless of
what badge adorns
the vehicle. But that

oupe

didn't stop Cadillac from

Vying for respect as a
new high-performance

BEST COMEBACK

Volkswagen Golf R

The new Golf R is true to the VW hatch's

$35,050

reputation as an all-out performer. In

addition to staking its claim as the most

powerful Golf ever sold in the States,
the turbocharged 292-horsepower R is
now available with a six-speed manual
transmission (and we mean stick shift,
not paddle shifters) that raises the
excitement level even higher.

taking a shot at the seg-
ment with a hot new
contender in 2015. The
V series follow-up to
the standard ATS takes
direct aim at European
makes with a fearless

464-horsepower twin-
turbo V6 that proves
the guys across the
pond aren't the only
ones capable of
engineering a ballsy
luxury coupe.

111

112

HOTTEST NEW ENTRY
Jeep Renegade Trailhawk 825,99.

WINNER

Looking to build on its legacy, Jeep has proven that

the brand’s coveted cool factor isn’t limited to the

iconic Wrangler or its more menacing stablemate, the
475-horsepower Grand Cherokee SRT. The new Renegade
Trailhawk features many things we’ve come to love about
Jeeps, including an available open-air My Sky roof and true
four-by-four capabilities in a compact size that’s perfect
for the city. You may find yourself struggling with whether
to call it an SUV or a crossover, but it wears both hats well.

One downside of coughing

COOLEST CUSTOMIZER

AUDI MMI
ALL-IN-TOUCH

Audi's MMI all-in-
touch navigation
ranks as one of
the best in the
industry. Designed
to function much

like a smartphone,
the revised sys-
tem allows both
the driver and the
front passenger
to navigate info-
tainment features
using multifinger
gestures and a

up a lot of cash for a sports COOLEST
car is that there’s usually
E AE no escaping the fact that MAKEOVER
Dodge Viper GTC: 1 of 1 somewhere out there
Service another guy owns а car just .....................
$94,995 like yours. The Dodge Viper
р 1 of 1 service (launched in Lexus RX 450

2015) spices things up with Hybrid F Sport
8,000 hand-painted cus- $57,045

voice-command
system that actu-
ally recognizes
your voice.

LINCOLN REVEL
ULTIMA AUDIO
Introduced in the
2016 Lincoln МКХ,
the Revel Ultima
(ап exclusive
Harman brand)
uses a specially
crafted 19-speaker
configuration to
deliver a listening
experience that’s
as close to a live
performance

as саг audio sys-
tems get.

TESLA AUTOPILOT
SYSTEM

If there were

any doubts

tom exterior colors, 24,000
custom stripes, 10 wheel
options, 16 interior trims
and six aero packages, рго-
viding more than 25 million
unique configurations for
the 645-horsepower Amer-
ican coupe. Paying top
dollar should come with
unique bragging rights.

Giving up that sports car
for a family vehicle is never
easy. But if there were ever
a convincing argument for
crossing over to a hybrid,
this Lexus is it. Inspired

by the design of the sleek
Lexus RC coupe, the new
RX 450h F Sport flaunts

a blackout mesh grille

and matching 20-inch
wheels that will quickly

sell you on the idea. The
308-horsepower all-wheel-
drive hybrid also features
an exclusive rioja red inte-
rior, a three-spoke sport
steering wheel, a drilled-
aluminum accelerator and
brake pedals that make the
shift from roving bachelor
to reliable father easier

and a digitally
controlled
electric-assist
braking system
that allows

for hands-free
steering within a

about whether

the future lane and for lane to swallow.
would feature changing with the
autonomous simple tap ofa

vehicles, Tesla
officially laid them
to rest in 2015
with the release
of its version 7.0
software and

new autopilot
system. Featured
on the Model S,
the update uses a
number of high-
tech gadgets,
including a
forward radar,

12 long-range
ultrasonic sensors

turn signal.

GREATEST ICON

Ford Shelby GT350 842,795

o vehicle that launched and a high-tech suspension
ast year generated more system that makes the car
buzz than the 2016 Shelby as fun cornering through
GT350—and for good canyons as it is growling
reason. The new track- down straightaways. Through
uned Mustang completely and through, the striped,
redefines American muscle lower-profile Mustang variant
with a number of Ford firsts, is a tribute to Carroll Shelby
such as a 526-horsepower that will be tough to follow in
flat-plane crankshaft V8 the years to come.

BIGGEST BANG FOR
THE BUCK

Chevrolet Camaro 1LT 3.6L V6
$26,095

For its latest-edition Camaro, the team at
Chevy decided to zero in on major perfor-
mance enhancements across the line-up
rather than make sweeping design changes.
The result is a lighter 335-horsepower V6
Camaro that builds on the muscle car's
classic appeal in a model that has the
highest output of any naturally aspirated
vehicle in its class. Still, the fact that Chevy
has managed to keep the car's cost well
below $30,000 while adding more features
is the most impressive thing about it.

113

PAMELA

PLAYMATE. ACTRESS. ACTIVIST. ICON. PAMELA ANDERSON REDEFINES WHAT IT
MEANS TO BE A BOMBSHELL. FOR HER HISTORIC SHOOT AT THE PLAYBOY MANSION,
PLAYBOY CONTRIBUTOR JAMES FRANCO FINDS OUT WHAT MAKES PAMELA RUN

PHOTOGRAPHY BY ELLEN VON UNWERTH

ЖЕЙК Ус ت منج‎

sri aon Oat

spanner geh rene =

di EE w жащ. Rt E EL

Mr s

IDON'T THINK OF MYSELF AS BEAUTIFUL, BUT
| KNOW I HAVE A DEEP, SENSUAL DRIVE.

t’s hard to believe it has been more than
26 years since a ravishing and spirited
young woman from Vancouver Island
made her first appearance in PLAYBOY, but
13 covers later it's clear Pamela Denise
Anderson has secured a place in history
as our most beloved Playmate. For her re-
cord 14th cover, we enlisted James Franco
to interview the Marilyn Monroe of our
time. The resulting conversation between
these two creative minds is breezy, a little
brainy and the antithesis of boring.

FRANCO: Let's go back to October 1989.
Tell me how your first cover happened.
You were spotted at a football game, right?
ANDERSON: [Laughs] Yeah. The camera-
man zoomed in on me and everyone
screamed and yelled, so they brought me
down to the 50-yard line. I was wearing a
Labatt Blue Tshirt, and Labatt ended up giving me a com-
mercial. From there, PLAYBOY called and flew me down. Га
never been on a plane before.

FRANCO: You hadn't?

ANDERSON: No. 1 came from a tiny town, Ladysmith, on
Vancouver Island.

FRANCO: How was the shoot?

ANDERSON: The photographer shot me in one roll of film be-
cause I was nervous and throwing up. But then I saw the pic-
tures, and from there it was hard to keep my clothes on! I was
painfully shy before, but then it clicked in my head that no-
body cares what you look like naked except you. People are
more concerned about themselves and their own flaws.
FRANCO: How old were you then?

ANDERSON: ‘Twenty-two.

FRANCO: Why do you think you were shy?

ANDERSON: I think society tells you you're supposed to be mod-
est, but I didn’t have a very modest family. My dad was a bad
boy and my mom was a buxom blonde bombshell. In response,
I tried to control my environment.

FRANCO: What did you want to be before PLAYBOY came calling?
ANDERSON: I didn’t know. I’ve always been very imaginative,
and I thought I would do something creative. I just knew I
had to get out of my small town. I never wanted to be in this
industry; I didn’t know that option existed for me. It wasn’t
something I pursued. But I guess I’ve done pretty well for
myself just going with the flow.

FRANCO: What’s the craziest thing that has happened to you
at the Mansion?

ANDERSON: Oh dear, so much. But you know, when people kiss
and tell, they’re usually lying. I don’t want to get too detailed,
but I’m sure one of my sons was conceived there. [laughs]
FRANCO: Tell me about your recent return to acting.
ANDERSON: Now that my kids are grown, I’ve had fun over
the past year doing some great little projects, like the in-
die film The People Garden and the short film Connected by
photographer-director Luke Gilford. These projects are more
character driven and unlike anything I’ve experienced be-
fore. I’m experimenting. I still don’t know if I’m any good
at acting, but I’m taking it a lot more seriously now, and I’m

fascinated. I’ve been fortunate to have some incredibly cre-
ative people around me who want to give me opportunities.
Like Werner Herzog called me
FRANCO: Really? What did he say?

ANDERSON: Well, first I thought, Holy crap, the man who di-
rected Fitzcarraldo wants to meet with me! We had lunch at
Chateau Marmont, and he told me, “You are something spe-
cial. You need to be on the big screen.” I couldn’t believe he
said that. He has a project in mind for me, and I hope it ma-
terializes. The fact that I’m on his radar is really flattering.
FRANCO: You have so many qualities, but my guess is when
people think of you, they think first of your beauty. What is it
like to live a life like that?

ANDERSON: 1 don’t quite know how to answer that. I don’t
think of myself as beautiful, but I know I have a deep, sensual
drive. People respond to that more than physicality because
your spirit never ages. I’m a bit of an exhibitionist, and I like
being playful and having fun.

FRANCO: It seems to me you don’t hide from what you are.
ANDERSON: Well, you have to be yourself. That's the hard-
est thing to be. I’ve been in professional environments where
people have tried to change me, and that’s when I become like
the Hulk and just rip them off my back. Then I’m back to be-
ing myself. I try to live my life as honestly as I can.

FRANCO: 1 have your Playmate Data Sheet from 1990.
ANDERSON: Oh dear.

FRANCO: Under “Ambitions” you wrote, “To win an Oscar.”
ANDERSON: How funny is that? It was a joke!

FRANCO: But who knows?

ANDERSON: You never know.

FRANCO: If you do Werner’s movie, then maybe. What are
your ambitions today?

ANDERSON: I don’t know what's next, but I feel like something
is percolating. I don’t know if it’s a movie or if it’s a love affair,
but something is trying to get me, and I’m open to it. [laughs]
FRANCO: For turn-ons you wrote, “Sincerity, honesty, strong
arms, waffles and fried chicken.”

ANDERSON: That’s because Mario took me to a waffle and fried
chicken place—this was before I stopped eating chicken.
FRANCO: Mario who? Mario Van Peebles?

ANDERSON: Yeah.

FRANCO: Did you date him?

ANDERSON: Kind of. Yeah. Maybe.

FRANCO: So when you wrote that, you were thinking about a
date with Mario at Roscoe’s Waffles.

ANDERSON: Probably! [laughs]

FRANCO: What do you like now?

ANDERSON: Honesty and sincerity. You know, that's hard to
find around here. But someone unusual, that's for sure.
FRANCO: "Turnoffs: Possessive men, jealous people, insensi-
tive people and split ends." I'm guessing possessive men are
still a turnoff.

ANDERSON: Yes, they are, but they're everywhere. It's hard to
love without attachment, even for me.

FRANCO: Last one: "Being a Playmate means: The start of some-
thing big." Do you think that was true?

ANDERSON: I think so. I always thought I would stay in Los
Angeles if I found work, and if I didn't, I would go home. And
then the work never ended. I think I've had a pretty fun life.
FRANCO: ГЇЇ say.

STYLING BY ADELE CANY; HAIR BY JOHN RUGGIERO USING BUMBLE AND BUMBLE AT STARWORKS ARTISTS; MAKEUP BY KATE LEE USING CHANEL ILLUSION D'OMBRE

AT STARWORKS ARTISTS; MANICURE BY KIMMIE KYEES AT CELESTINE AGENCY; PRODUCTION DESIGN BY ANNIE SPERLING AT ARTISTRY

Үс,
pe

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жә.

PLAYBOY

126

CROW COUNTRY MOSES

Continued from page 68

My large red pack—the kind supposedly
favored by hikers on the Appalachian Trail
(a gift from my father) —and my father's
wheeled leather suitcases. My father's
fly rods in their cylindrical leather cases
were there, as well as two of my father's
side-by-side 20-gauge shotguns in their
fleece-lined leather cases. One of these
very shotguns, incidentally, 1 had stolen
from the unlocked gun case in his den and
tried to pawn when I was 15 years old. This
was 16 years ago during what my father
eventually came to call my “rough patch,”
a hazy span of time nearly a year in dura-
tion during which 1 stole rampantly and
masturbated frantically, sometimes five to
six times a day. My father was aware of the
theft, obviously; of the masturbation I’m
not sure, although I wouldn't be surprised,
as I stole a copy of Leopold von Sacher-
Masoch’s Venus in Furs, leaving a noticeable
hole in the volumes on the shelves in his
den. I kept the leather-bound volume
under clothes in my closet and abused
myself to a pulp daily in that very closet,
the wooden folding doors shut behind me,
the chain for the overhead light dangling
over my head where I knelt with my jeans
around my ankles, my favorite passages
dog-eared for easy reference.

I stole mostly from my father’s house
but occasionally from the houses of my
friends—rarely ever from stores or peo-
ple I didn’t know. I stole a Montblanc
pen and a fake Rolex watch from the
father of a friend of mine who was a fed-
eral judge. I stole a set of Wiisthof knives
from my father’s kitchen and spent half a
day throwing them at trees in the woods
behind the house. I stole a necklace from
my mother. It had once been my grand-
mother’s; quite possibly it had been her
mother’s. It was old, medieval looking, the
gold tarnished from the multigenerational
sweat of the matriarchy. I stole every ash-
tray from my father’s house and spent half
an afternoon throwing them at trees in
the woods behind the house. I stole five
bamboo fly rods—made by a certain R.L.
Winston in Twin Bridges, Montana—from
my father’s den and spent half an after-
noon splintering them magnificently in a
vicious sword fight battle with a friend of
mine in the woods behind the house. Dur-
ing this time I masturbated, mostly in my
closet, but in many other places as well: in

the woods behind the house, in all of the
various outbuildings on my father’s prop-
erty (the garden shed, the guest house, the
garage, the other garage), in every room
of my father’s house including the attic
(excluding my father’s den), in the bath-
room at my school and in the bathroom
at the Lutheran church we attended once
a year on Easter Sunday.

The day I stole the shotgun was much
like any other day that year. I attended
school five blocks from my house, a dis-
tance I walked. I got home from school
and masturbated once or twice, ate some-
thing that I could microwave easily and
then looked around for something to
steal. I sat in my father’s den, swiveling
in his chair behind the large empty oak
desk. I took one of a matched pair of side-
by-side 20-gauge shotguns—made by a
certain James Purdey & Sons of London,
England—and a handful of shells, and
I went to the woods behind the house
where I spent an hour or two shooting at
the tree trunks. When I ran out of shells,
I put the shotgun in my backpack with
the barrel jutting through the zippered
opening and rode my bike six miles to
a pawnshop that had a row of 10-speed
bikes chained together on the sidewalk
and glass with steel mesh embedded in
it for windows. The man who owned the
store also lived in an apartment above the
business with two daughters; his wife had
died of breast cancer when the girls were
young. I would lose my virginity to one
of the pawnshop man’s daughters a year
after the shotgun incident. Her name was
Sara and she was two years older than
me—and for an event that I had antici-
pated for so long, to this day I don’t really
remember much about it at all, whether
it was awkward or sweet or even whether
or not she was pretty.

When I walked into the pawnshop, I
was still wearing the backpack, the twin
shotgun barrels sticking up over my head.
The pawnshop man undoubtedly knew
my father or at least knew enough of him
to know that he could be found in the
phone book under Swank & Howe, Attor-
neys at Law, but instead of calling my
father, the pawnshop man in fact called
the police. As it turns out, the pawnshop
man was enough of a firearms expert
to notice that the gun I dropped on his
counter—with its fine blued barrels and
elegant scrollwork, the etched scene of a
pheasant flushing in front of a pointer
(whose tail was so finely rendered it was
possible to see the breeze ruffling in the
hair)—was probably valued at more than
$30,000 and most certainly stolen.

That was my childhood. I trafficked in
rare antique munitions and jacked off to
first editions. It’s not that I was dumb. It’s
just that I really hadn’t the slightest idea
what things were worth.

This was our first trip together since
my mother’s death. We mostly drove
in silence. We never did find the Little

Bighorn Battlefield, but truth be told, nei-
ther of us really cared that much about
history. We had a few hours before we
needed to be at the airport in Billings,
and it seemed like the right thing to do.
We pulled off the highway at Lodge Grass
for gas, my father driving slowly on empty
streets. A dog here and there. A burnt
shell of a trailer house with smoke still
breathing from broken windows. A Cath-
olic mission and health clinic with mostly
intact windows, and an IGA with broken
windows covered by sheets of corrugated
cardboard. We passed a faded sign for
Custer’s Last (ice cream) Stand. The sign
had a cartoon image of Custer, blond hair
and cavalry hat, holding a triple-scoop ice
cream cone, his tongue out as if he were
licking the ice cream off his drooping
blond mustache. There was an arrowhead
and fletching protruding from either side
of his head as if the shaft had entered one
ear and come out the other side. There
were people on a front porch that sloped
toward the street. Teenagers in dark stock-
ing caps and coats and black baggy jeans;
some had sunglasses on.

“Т have been here before,” my father
said, “but it was in Detroit.”

We stopped at a 7-Eleven where there
was one window broken and one window
not; the broken window had been replaced
by a sheet of plywood. The 7-Eleven was
busy with locals. It was a dry reservation,
and apparently this was the watering hole.
A trio of dusty diesel trucks pulling horse
trailers commanded the parking lot, and
furtively I watched their occupants. All of
them wore dark-brimmed Stetsons and
dark Wranglers tucked into dark leather
boots. Some of them had braids and some
of them had their hair cropped short above
the ears. A few wore belts studded with
oval slabs of turquoise and fastened with
large silver buckles. The young men were
lean and acne-ridden and the older men
had compact potbellied stomachs strain-
ing against the dark, striped work shirts
tucked into their pants. The older men
had coffee in Styrofoam cups and pocked
faces and the young men had plastic bot-
tles of Pepsi and candy bars and legs that
curved like empty parentheses.

They swung into their trucks, and diesel
fumes filled the parking lot and the crazy-
eyed paint horses in the trailers stamped
their feet. It was clear that the Indians had
become cowboys or that the cowboys had
all turned into Indians or that the Indians
were all cowboys to begin with just nobody
ever noticed. Well, maybe that wasn’t clear,
but what was clear was the fact that some-
thing wasn’t quite right.

I got out to stretch my legs while my
father pumped the gas. Our rental car
was a small silver pony. The red clay
clotting the panels made it look as if our
pony had taken an arrow in its forelock
and its heaving sides were fouled with
sprayed blood and chunks of lung mat-
ter. I took my hand, pressed it into the
red gumbo, then reached and made a
splayed red handprint in the middle

ЖЖЖ 7

N
5

2209

“That will be enough of that!” "

PLAYBOY

128

of our silver pony’s chest, right over the
engine. We left Lodge Grass in silence.

The fishing hadn't been very good this trip.
My father had hired us a guide, a young guy
about my age, with shaggy hair, who spent
most of the day apologizing. “I don't know,”
he would say. “Usually it's better than this.
Fish can be fickle.”

“Well, hell,” my father said. “At least we
have the scenery. There's worse things we
could be doing. At least we're not at work.”
For some reason then, I became acutely
aware that the guide, hunched miserably
at the oars, was indeed at work. 1 wondered
what he thought of us. At the end of the
day my father gave the guide two crumpled
$100 bills and told him it was the best day he
could remember having for quite some time.

After, in the car driving to our hotel, my
father said, “Sorry the fishing was so bad.
ГА hoped it would be better. But that's the
problem with having a young guide. When
the fishing is good, it's not so bad. The young
guide is going to work for it, keep you out
late—he's enthusiastic, see? But when the
fishing's off, you're screwed. No amount of
enthusiasm is going to make up for lack of
experience. 1 know if we would have had
some old crusty salt out there today we would
have caught plenty. But that's how it goes.
That's why they call it fishing, not catching.”

This was a phrase my father loved. Often
he applied it to situations that had nothing
to do with fishing. Once, 1 called him in
misery after a longtime girlfriend had left
me. After a few consoling words his closing
remarks were “Well, son, that's why they call
it fishing, not catching.”

I looked over at my father, driving, still in
his fishing vest and obnoxious fishing hat,
the one with the sweat-stained band and a
line of ragged flies stuck in the brim.

“Maybe it's just us,” I said. “Maybe we're

not that good. I bet the guide is somewhere
right now talking about how when the fishing
is bad it really sucks to have poor fishermen.”

My father laughed at this. “Could be,” he
said. “I guess there is always the other side
of the coin.”

I thought about the night they admitted
my mother to the hospital in Grand Rap-
148. Га come as soon as I could but she was
already in the ICU. I sat with my father
there, all night. When the doctor came out
to talk to us, I remember my father's ill-
concealed disbelief, his rage. The doctor
looked all of 22, a young woman with henna-
colored hair and a nose ring, who spoke in
clipped British tones.

“Your wife has suffered a powerful
stroke,” she said. “She is not responding
to treatment.”

“And who are you, chippie?” my father
said. “Just who the fuck do you think you
are? Where is the doctor in charge?”

In the waiting room, the ТУ had been
turned to a channel running some sort of
classic Western marathon. Eastwood. Peckin-
pah. Bronson. McQueen. Kristofferson. All
the dramatic gunfights, the stolen horses,
the barroom brawls, the slow pinwheeling
deaths. We watched these movies, a seem-
ingly endless loop, blurring together in one
continuous meandering story line, and then,
sometime after dawn, the doctor came out
again to break the news to us. This time my
father had nothing to say to her. I shook
her hand. I thanked her. I don't know why.

Eventually, after driving around aimlessly
for almost an hour, we got out the map
and found our way back to the highway
and the airport. But before we did, we
passed through a small town, a blink-and-
you ll-miss-it type of place—a post office,
a laundromat, a small Baptist church with
graffiti sprayed on the brick—the whole

“Weaning them off their perks has to start someplace.”

place unremarkable except for the mounds
of tumbleweed piled up against every stand-
ing surface. It was bizarre, like the weeds
were some sort of fast-reproducing vermin
threatening to overtake the town. We hadn't
seen a single sign ofinhabitation. The whole
place was empty, except, in the parking lot
of a run-down motel, there was a pile of
tumbleweed burning. The flames towered
over a man, wearing fluorescent orange sun-
glasses, who stood with a hose in his hand to
keep the fire from spreading. The man had
a dark ponytail, and he held the hose like a
six-gun. As we passed, my father did some-
thing remarkable, a thing that I will never
forget. He pointed at the flaming tumble-
weed and the man with the hose. My father's
hand was a cocked six-gun.

“Crow country Moses confronts the burn-
ing bush,” he said, and began humming the
theme song to The Magnificent Seven.

I joined him. We did this for miles.

At the airport, we sat at the terminal and
waited for our flight. My father had a bag of
trail mix and was digging through it for the
almonds. We could see out past the planes
staging on the runway, the flat expanse of
just-greening grassland. Antelope were graz-
ing. A plane came in to land, and its shadow
moved directly over their backs and they
didn’t even look up.

“You want some of this?” my father said,
shoving the bag of trail mix toward me.

“Did you eat all the almonds?”

“T think so.”

“Why don’t you just buy a bag of almonds?
They had those for sale right next to the
trail mix.”

“T like searching them out amongst the
other stuff I don’t want.”

“Seems like a waste.”

“Гш offering what's left to you.”

“Pm not hungry.”

“Well, then you’re the one that’s being
wasteful, not me. All I can do is offer.” He was
still wearing his fishing hat. His stained vest.
The sunburn on his nose was starting to peel.

“What are you going to do?”

“ГЇЇ just save the bag. Maybe someone оп
the plane will want them.”

“That’s not what I meant.”

“Oh. You mean what am I going to do.
I don’t know. I’m 62 years old. She man-
aged the office for 32 years. Can you believe
it? Men say stuff like this all the time, but
I wouldn't have acquired half of what I’ve
got now if it wasn't for her. I was thinking
today, you and 1 are too much alike. You
know that if she was with us there is no way
in hell we wouldn't've found that damn bat-
tlefield. She would have had the directions
printed up last week. A brief synopsis of
important facts regarding the massacre, and
the location of a nearby café whose lunch
menu featured reasonably priced healthful
options with a local flair."

“What's that supposed to mean?"

“If it wasn't for her, I don't know what
way my life would have gone. Maybe it
sounds pathetic, but she picked me up, put
me under her arm and ran with me like I
was a football."

"Regrets?"

“Ой по, but at certain moments you can't
help but imagine how things would have
been different. I didn't come out of the womb
wanting to be a tax attorney, you know.”

“What would you have done instead?”

“What's past is past. How about now? Гуе
been thinking about moving out here.”

“What would you do?”

“Fish. Relax. I think there's some sort of
golf course around here somewhere. I'm
sure it's no Pebble Beach, but I bet you don't
have to call ahead for tee time. I could get a
dog. Chase birds in the fall. I'm not joking.
Гуе always thought that had things been dif-
ferent for me, ГФхе ended up out here as a
young man.” He patted the carry-on bag at
his side. “I picked up some real estate litera-
ture. Pm going to look at it on the plane. If
I sold just the house back home 1 could buy
a whole damn ranch out here. Think about
it. Land you couldn't ride across in a day.”

“What are you talking about? Ride? You
don't ride.”

“I might learn.”

Two years later, I had to come home to
Michigan to handle my father's affairs. As
I was cleaning out his desk 1 found a stack
of real estate brochures in the top drawer.
BIG SKY COUNTRY REAL ESTATE: OWN A PIECE OF
THE LAST BEST PLACE. REAL WEST: EXPERIENCE
THE TRADITION. There were glossy photos
of middle-aged men holding large trout,
middle-aged men smiling in ski gear with
their pretty second wives, middle-aged men
in Stetsons doing things with horses. My
father had suffered a heart attack waiting
in line at the DMV to get his driver's license
renewed. То me, this seemed like a punch
line to a joke, not a legitimate way for a per-
son to die. He'd never moved to Montana, of
course. The process of disentangling himself
from the practice proved insurmountable.
The last time Га talked to him had been on
the phone for my 33rd birthday. ГА told him
I was thinking of going back to school, or
going to Alaska to work at a salmon cannery
for the summer to save up enough money
to go to New Zealand—or possibly signing
up to teach English in Korea.

He'd laughed. “Was 1 hard on you when
you were a boy?”

“Not especially, no.”

“I didn't think so either. My dad was hard
on me, and it didn't make any damn dif-
ference. I think women are the only real
source of motivation in the world for men.
You know what your problem is?”

“What?”

“I can say this because I recognize my
symptoms in you. You and I, we have a
capacity for work, dedication, all that. It’s
just that we suffer from the diffusion of
desire.”

“T have a lot of things I want to do.”

“T understand. And we should do some-
thing before you move to Alaska or New
Zealand or Korea. We should go to Mon-
tana, do a little fishing. Maybe we'll take a
day and look at some land.”

After the brochures, the rest of the papers
in my father’s desk were inscrutably

impersonal. He had a whole drawer full
of receipts for gas, lunches and travel
expenses. He had another drawer full
of warranty statements for every appli-
ance in the house dating back to the first
microwave he and my mother ever pur-
chased in 1979.

I ended up throwing everything away,
brochures and all, and sitting in his chair
with my feet on his desk. I thought about
how you could tell a house was empty, even
a big house like this one, just by how it
feels when you're quiet. A house can give a
sense of emptiness that moves beyond mere
silence. It’s a hollowness. You can be more
alone in an empty house than anywhere
on earth. And now, the house was mine—
all the stuff and all the absence, the empty
dark matter between the stuff. I realized
for the first time what it must have been
like for my father here, and this too was
something I’d inherited—a newfound

“Hi there! Has Mr. Dicker come back from his business trip already?” 129

awareness that nothing amplifies the emp-
tiness of a place like ownership.

I got up from the desk and went to the
gun cabinet, opening the door on the neatly
aligned regiment of English and Italian
shotguns. I ran my fingers over the blued
barrels, the glossy hardwood stocks. The
Purdey was there, the one Га tried to pawn
all those years ago. I took it out and swung it
like I was following a low-incoming grouse. I
sighted down the barrel at the Tiffany lamp
on my father’s desk. I broke the gun open
and smelled the tang of Hoppe’s No. 9 oil.
I snapped it shut and the barrel reseated
with a satisfying click. I stuffed some shells
in my pocket and headed out to the woods
behind the house.

From Dog Run Moon: Stories by Callan Wink,
out this February from Dial Press.

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RON HOWARD

Continued from page 46

on it?” The studio would have liked Kevin
Costner, Harrison Ford or Michael Douglas.
By the time Apollo 13 came out, Tom had
won two Academy Awards for Philadelphia
and Forrest Gump and could not have been a
cooler, stronger choice.

PLAYBOY: In October, audiences will see
Hanks return as Harvard symbologist Rob-
ert Langdon in Inferno, your third movie
from the Dan Brown novels that begin with
The Da Vinci Code. After five times directing
Hanks, why does the combination work?
HOWARD: He has the great ease and all the
elegance of Joe DiMaggio playing center
field. Tom, like DiMaggio, makes it look
like nothing much, except the play is get-
ting made. But then you start cutting these
scenes together and you realize a hell of a
lot was going on. The first two Langdon
movies were more classically Hitchcockian,
but Inferno is very psychological, contem-
porary and even a bit horrific because of
the psychological gauntlet the character is
going through. What's interesting for me
as a director is that in this one, there's a lot
more for Tom Hanks, the world-class actor,
to roll up his sleeves and dive into.
PLAYBOY: In theaters now you have the fact-
based high-adventure saga Im the Heart of
the Sea, about an 18008 shipwreck that ш-
spired Herman Melville’s Moby-Dick.
HOWARD: I started reading the script and
said, “Oh, it’s going to be some version of
Moby-Dick,” but I was shocked by how mod-
ern and complex the theme of nature versus
man was, by what the crew had to endure
and by the behavior of the whale. The whal-
ing ship Essex was 88 feet long, and the whale
was a few feet longer. It rammed and pushed
the ship, driving the stern right back into
the ocean 30 feet according to one histori-
cal account, 200 feet according to another.
The real crew members of the Essex knew
on some level that they were killers, and
they wondered whether the whale was their
punishment. They also wondered whether
the whale was possessed. Our whale is King
Kong. When he retaliates, it’s like, You
fucked with the wrong dude.

PLAYBOY: The 20 or so men who survived
the whale’s retaliation were castaways for
months, stranded and starving, and even-
tually resorted to cannibalism. Did you
have any trouble getting your cast to basi-
cally starve themselves for art?

HOWARD: I was careful in the interview pro-
cess to be clear about my expectations. I had
to crack the whip with a couple of people
early on, but Chris Hemsworth, Ben Walker
and Cillian Murphy were so committed that
if anybody had needed disciplining, these
guys would have taken care of it. Га turned

to Tom Hanks about losing a lot of weight
for a movie, which he’d done for Philadelphia
and Cast Away. He told me how miserable he
felt having to do it alone, so I should make
it a team thing for the guys. He advised us
to make sure the dietitians and trainers were
there and to make sure there was a good
aftercare program for gaining back the lost
weight. I’m a bit like Jn the Heart of the Sea as
I was about Apollo 13 and Cocoon. It’s not an
obviously commercial movie. I’m just glad I
got to make it, and I hope audiences go see it.
PLAYBOY: What are your next projects?
HOWARD: Aside from the couple of feature
projects I’m circling, I didn’t realize what a
blast Га have when Jay Z asked me to work
on the Made in America documentary, but
now I’m doing a Beatles documentary. I just
did one of six episodes for the science series
Breakthrough that National Geographic airs.
Brian Grazer and 1 are doing a six-part series
about going to Mars, which I won't direct.
PLAYBOY: Does that schedule leave you time
for actual hobbies?

HOWARD: 1 don't have hobbies. Cheryl and
I bought an apartment in Paris. Instead of
going to the beach, we just go to one of the
most romantic places in the world and en-
joy the city. But my work, that’s my hobby.
PLAYBOY: Will there be more episodes of
Arrested Development?

HOWARD: Netflix wants it. The fans want it.
It’s really the fact that our cast has become
so successful and busy that it’s a matter of
[series creator] Mitch Hurwitz rallying the
team. He’s at work with the writing staff
right now, so we hope we can deliver.
PLAYBOY: More Arrested Development has to
mean more of your now-famous narra-
tion, right?

HOWARD: When Mitch had the idea for a
show about his dysfunctional family, I sug-
gested a faux documentary tone a bit like
Rob Reiner’s Spinal Tap. 1 had the idea that
the narration should sound like someone
narrating a sociological program about the
aboriginal people of the Amazon basin. Just
joking around, I did a little bit as an example.
When they decided to go with the narration
for the pilot episode, I laid in a temp track.
I went off and was filming Cate Blanchett on
a horse in the snow and Tommy Lee Jones
with guns in his hands for The Missing. It
was freezing. I got this call from Mitch: “The
good news is that the show tested really well
and they’re going to pick it up. The bad news
is that one of the highest-testing elements
was the narrator.” I wound up doing a lot
of the first season’s narration in the cab of a
pickup truck with Cate and Tommy Lee on
horseback right outside the door.

PLAYBOY: You’ve come so far from where
you started as a kid actor. If there were a Ron
Howard figure in a wax museum, how do
you think the tour guide would describe you?
HOWARD: I’m sure they'll say, “Ron How-
ard played Opie on The Andy Griffith Show
and Richie on Happy Days.” I think Wiki-
pedia might say that right now. I think
of myself as a director who used to act. I
also think those characters are iconic. I
wouldn't want them not to be. I wouldn't
change a thing.

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PLAYBOY

132

DUPLASS BROTHERS

Continued from page 84

try to put musical instruments around
the house and not talk about them other
than to say, “Hey, see this piano?” That
way, maybe you don't get back from them,
“Yeah, fuck this piano.”

PLAYBOY: Post-high г you both stud-
ied filmmaking at the University of Texas
at Austin and then ended up in New York.
Did you cut loose in the big city?

JAY: In college, it would be eight o'clock on
a Friday night and people would ask, “You
want to go drinking or whatever?” And
we’d just be working with our video camera
and our guitars, trying to figure something
out. We always had this feeling, as artists,
how the fuck can you go out drinking
when all the cards are stacked against you?
You should be doing something every sec-
ond, every minute for your art. We had this
fear of failing the vision our parents tried

to cultivate in us in a loving, positive way,
which was—and still is—that we should be
doing something that makes us successful.

PLAYBOY: You scraped together enough
money in 2005 to make the indie come-
dy The Puffy Chair, which set you on your
path. Is it true you secretly wanted to be
like the Coen brothers, making noise with
your equivalents of Blood Simple and Rais-
ing Arizona?

JAY: When we started out, we were more
like, “Oh God, if we could just get one mov-
ie into Sundance, then we could go and be
lawyers.” Literally, lawyers. But yeah, when
we were in film school in Texas, everyone
wanted to be the Coen brothers. Their ap-
proach is a forced march of their brilliance.
Ours is, How can we stack the cards in our
favor so we find something great?

Q9
PLAYBOY: Once you’d found your groove
with funky, improvisational comedies like
Baghead and Cyrus, how soon was it before
the big studios tried to rope you in?
MARK: We've been approached many times
about directing bigger movies. About two
years ago there was a very serious offer
on the table for us to do a big superhero
franchise. The studio thought it could have
the same plot points and trailer moments
and we would just inject it with a sense of
organic relationships. That’s when we real-
ized it would be a lost cause for us. When
you do a big movie, the studio owns you for
two years. You owe them that. We like to do
bedtime with our kids.

“Don't worry, Mrs. Booth, I’ve been taking this drug for years
without serious side effects.”

Q10

PLAYBOY: Co-directing as you do, does it
ever get weird when, say, Jay directs a sex
scene for Togetherness between Mark and his
screen wife (played by Melanie Lynskey),
both of them half-naked, with spanking,
vibrators or clothespins on nipples?

MARK: There’s more of that stuff this sea-
son, but by the time we’re wedded to do-
ing, say, an uncomfortable sex scene, it
has been beaten to death because we’ve
spent a lot of time discussing plot, level
of verisimilitude, comedy, pathos. I just
show up on the set ready to get naked
and do things. If anything, Jay should be
more aware that there are other naked
people in the room. Last season, when
Melanie and I had a scene in a hotel
room, I wanted Jay to be our main cam-
eraman. At a certain point, he was grab-
bing my hand, moving it around, saying,
“Put your hand back on Melanie’s boob.”
Afterward, Melanie was giggling, “You
realize you told your brother to put his
hand on my boob?” To us, that was com-
pletely normal.

PLAYBOY: The Overnight, which you pro-
duced, is a comedy that dabbles in mate
swapping and bisexuality. Tangerine, shot
on an iPhone, is a kind of screwball com-
edy about transgender sex workers. When
you're working, which of you is likely to
pump the brakes and say, “Тоо much.”
JAY: On the Transparent set, the bathrooms
are mostly gender-neutral. Ifyou're peeing
and a woman comes in, it’s just the way it is.
I can’t even tell who’s transgender half the
time, partially because of their effectiveness
and partially because my brain has started
to let go of those things. I live in one of
the most gender-fluid, evolved—if not the
most progressive—scenarios on earth right
now. We’d never have a conversation about
what's too much.

PLAYBOY: "— a dark comedy about
three self-obsessed adult children and their
father, who is transitioning from male to fe-
male, is a hot-button TV show, but it's also
very funny. Is it tough to not crack up at
some of the lines and performances?

JAY: It's the opposite problem. Mark and I
are big criers. We cry all the fucking time.
I have to stop myself from crying when I
work on Transparent. The show is at the
forefront of a civil rights movement. We'll
be setting up a scene and ГЇЇ be like, “Oh
my God, here it comes. Maybe I shouldn't
cry." Mark and I just feel all the things.
We're in touch with our emotions. Person-
ally, I enjoy it. I find it cathartic.

Q13

PLAYBOY: Has a review or tweet ever made
you cry?

Jay: I don't know how we got there, but I
don't care about that stuff anymore. People
on Twitter seem to like what we do. Our
friends like it. We would love to win tro-
phies and shit like that, but if Mark and I
make each other happy with what we come
up with, that's it.

014

PLAYBOY: Now that you're successful, how
do you kick back and enjoy it?

Jay: The hardest thing for us right now is
turning it off, man. I’m over 40 and still
in this manic state of trying to achieve and
not allowing myself to rest. 1 feel exactly
like Mark when he says, “I cannot rest, be-
cause Гуе put everything in danger to do
this unusual thing.” We're more successful
than we ever thought we'd be, but we're
still driven by desperation and fear.

Q15

PLAYBOY: Have you tried the usual
antidotes—meditation, yoga, running, stu-
pid spending, travel, exotic diets?

MARK: Jay is really into meditation and try-
ing to be enlightened and stuff. At the same
time, we're just generally a little unsettled
in the world. We have a couple of friends
who were truly born with the bliss gene.
We didn't get that, and we're both jealous
of it. But bliss hurts the work. You have to
be fucking hungry. You’ve got to want stuff.

Q16

PLAYBOY: In much of your acting, as well
as in projects you direct and produce, the
vibe given off is that you're relatable and
accessible, though somehow, others think
of you and your work as funky, Eastside
Los Angeles hipster. What range of re-
sponses do you get in public?

JAY: We are the kings of bourgeois. Our shit
is so bourgeois. It's about having children,

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trying to do your job and being happy. We
are bougie as fuck, man. I mean, have people
seen the sneakers on Togetherness? Nothing
hip there. Part of what has drawn people to
us is that they look at us and say, “These are
just two regular, mildly good-looking, semi-
intelligent guys from the suburbs.” As movie-
makers, I think early on we gave off this erro-
neous vibe of “Just pick up your camera and
do your thing, man, and everything will be
okay.” Lots of people wanted to be like us and
work with us, but once we sat with them and
they got two-feet deep into what it actually
takes, 98 percent of them bailed immediately.

О17

PLAYBOY: You've made movies with Jonah
Hill, Jason Segel, Ed Helms and Susan
Sarandon. Have any actors bailed on you?

MARK: We want to work with people like
Richard Jenkins, Jeff Daniels and Meryl
Streep, but we're a little nervous about it. If
it works, it would be explosive. But would
they surrender to the thing we do without
thinking we're idiots? Would they suffer
the foolery of not knowing what's going to
happen and be able to sit in chaos?

O18

PLAYBOY: When was the last time you found
an actor in synch with that thing you do?

MARK: Amanda Peet, whom we work with
on Togetherness, is so ridiculously intelligent,
it's really kind of terrifying. There is an ex-
plosive, confident, dangerous core to her
character that comes from Amanda Peet

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that no one else could give us. She allows
herself to laugh, spaz out and then just get
quiet and terrifyingly close to either crying
or destroying another human being. Mel-
anie Lynskey is quiet, plays the subtleties
and really thinks about the character. We
like that breadth of humanity. We like that
humans are unpredictable and show things
you wouldn’t expect.

Q19

PLAYBOY: Who do you want to be now that
you've grown ир?

MARK: We've produced probably 25 mov-
ies over the past 10 years. We like to in-
spire. Amy Poehler is a huge hero of mine
for the way she's cultivated other people's
work with Difficult People and Broad City.
We like being part of raising up a certain
type of person, a talent. We joke that we
have a Schindler complex of trying to save
people from the artistic struggle that we
went through.

Q20

PLAYBOY: If it all went south tomorrow, what
would you do?

JAY: The weird part is that we're getting
paid to do all this stuff and no one can
take it away from us. We know how to
really cheaply make and produce movies
that make money even if they stink so that
everyone can live and fight another day.
That’s what we're meant to do.

Autce ÎN Сул

TUUR 1977

cade

133

PLAYBOY

134

WELCOME TO

Continued from page 108

is ready to respect his vision because of
his country's anti-gay, child-soldiering
crap,” says Hofmanis. “That's the fight:
to get past politics, race and geography.
That's why I'm here.”

Isaac Nabwana has always been a part
of the place where he grew up. On any
given morning, his neighbors pass him
sitting in the same cracked plastic chair
on his porch, strumming the same metro-
nomic riff on a heat-blanched guitar. By
the look on his face, the riffs are a kind
of stimulant concocted to focus his mind,
to excite the brain of an artist. Nabwana's
pinched forehead and thousand-yard
stare form a visage of radical strain and
inner journeys, and he often comes out
of his musical trances with fresh pages
of script. He describes these journeys to
me one night after dinner: the jungles of
Vietnam, the history of Ugandan canni-
bals, the fights of thousands of kung fu
warriors and the memory of government
commandos running violent errands
of war in his backyard 40 years before
Wakaliga became Wakaliwood.

Nabwana grew up during a time
when Ugandans were shaped as much
by Western movies as by the violence
sweeping their landscape. In the 1970s,
Yoweri Museveni, now president, waged
a bloody jungle insurgency against the
savage dictator Idi Amin and again
against President Milton Obote in the
early 1980s. Before it was a slum, Waka-
liga was a wooded frontier traversed by
platoons of fighters peering though the
high grass at the capital city of Kampala.
Nabwana herded cattle, corralled ducks
and watched government soldiers and
Museveni's teenage rebels hunt one an-
other in his family's pasture.

His daydreams belong to that unlikely
childhood. He grew up listening to lo-
cal tales of child sacrifice and juju black
magic. One legend claimed that Presi-
dent Museveni could turn himself into
a cat to observe his enemies and that he
used that power of invisibility to strike
from anywhere. Nabwana listened to his
older brother rave about Bruce Lee, Bud
Spencer (of spaghetti Western fame) and
Sylvester Stallone, whose dubbed films
circulated in Kampala's video halls. In
the 1970s and 1980s, films like The Wild
Geese, Predator and Kickboxer created an

exalted canon that inspired parents to
name their children after a favorite hero
or villain. Nabwana and his brother
spent hours knocking each other down,
practicing kung fu and searching for the
precise combination of kicks that would
spell instant death.

During those years, Museveni captured
Kampala's outer villages. Desperate peo-
ple fled and passed through Nabwana's
pastures on their way to the city. They
were homeless, hungry and running from
war. Soon, displaced villagers turned on
one another. People stole from one an-
other behind the front lines. In his grand-
mother's house, Nabwana would lie awake
among seven of his brothers and sisters,
terrified of the bandits who would arrive
at the door in the middle of the night.

“Fungua mlango!” they'd shout. “Open
the door!”

If the children opened the door, the
little money they had for food was taken.
If they didn't, gunfire came through the
windows. “Even birds sat on the edge of
the woodland and did not enter at night,”
Nabwana says. Those bandits who were
caught were publicly stoned to death and
immolated in mob-driven acts of justice.

Meanwhile, more and more of Musev-
eni’s ragged rebels crept among Nabwa-
na’s flocks every day. Most of the fighters
were village boys who had never visited a
video hall, country bumpkins with noth-
ing special about them—no moves, no
attitude, just juju magic for invisibility.
Those from Kampala, however, had seen
Western films. They knew Western bra-
vado. They shouted and launched rock-
ets like Arnold Schwarzenegger. They
messed with the minds of the country
boys, firing automatic rifles at railroad
steel, hoping the sound would scare the
regime into thinking it was being shot at
by some kind of secret weapon.

Nabwana’s uncle was one of the rebels
who lived in Kampala and had seen Bruce
Lee’s movies. On weekends, he led kung
fu-obsessed gangs to discos to start fights
and break heads, pursuing the power
Bruce Lee unleashed when he faced
Chuck Norris in Return of the Dragon. His
uncle was eventually arrested, Nabwana
says, and while the fighters tied up next to
him focused on the days of torture ahead,
his uncle maintained a crouched kung fu
stance for hours, mentally conditioning his
quadriceps for an explosive burst of speed.
When he saw his chance, he ran for it.

“The discipline he learned by study-
ing Lee’s fight scenes paid off,” Nabwana
says. “The other men were shot.” Some-
where in that space and time, Nabwana’s
stories were born.

Nabwana wrote his first script 10 years
ago after enrolling in a six-month course
in computer maintenance. One month
of classes was enough to teach him how
to build computers from scrap parts. He
scoured Dumpsters for discarded tech-
nology, rigged together a desktop com-
puter and taught himself the ins and
outs of Adobe Premiere, After Effects and

other pirated editing software. He bor-
rowed a camera from his neighbor, ral-
lied friends to fill the roles of actors and
recruited fighters from Kampala’s Coun-
try Wing Chinese Kung Fu School to cho-
reograph battle scenes.

The first generation of Wakaliwood’s
prop rifles and bazookas were actually
fashioned from folded banana leaves. But
Nabwana’s production values got better.
He bought emerald cloth at a market to
use as a green screen and raided the health
clinic for free condoms, which became
make-do balloons filled with fake blood.

The next generation of props gradu-
ated to wood; bandoliers, for example,
were made with 40 or 50 small stakes
looped together with thread. The cur-
rent arsenal is the most advanced. Five
or six gun-shaped devices were welded
from scrap metal. A camouflage carbine
is made of pipe to resemble grenade
launchers. Dauda Bisaso, Wakaliwood’s
lead prop maker, built a mock machine
gun from a lawn mower engine that
spins six barrels. Bisaso cheekily named
the machine Maria; on film, the clunker
somehow manages to look as if it has the
power of a vengeful god, and its weight
brings out the actors’ musculature.

For years, Nabwana and Harriet gave
his films away for free, handing stacks of
burned DVDs to video halls and street
vendors who hawked pirated Italian and
Lebanese soap operas on blankets by the
roadside. On every DVD label Nabwana
printed his phone number. “That’s how
we got attention,” says Harriet. “People
wanted to see more each time.”

One of those people was Hofmanis,
who first watched scenes from Captain
Alex on his friend’s cell phone at a bar in
the East Village. It was 2011 and he was
turning an unwanted engagement ring
over and over in his hand, heartbroken.
The woman he wanted to marry had just
dumped him. He was emotionally emaci-
ated, wondering what might have been,
but he didn’t lose sight of his true pas-
sion: new cinema. Before he was director
of programming at the Lake Placid film
festival, Hofmanis was a penniless volun-
teer at Sundance, sleeping in stairwells
or behind the piano in the Park City Li-
brary. While promoting the Lake Placid
festival, he slept on the street. His girl-
friend was gone and it hurt, but Hofma-
nis had enough in the bank for a plane
ticket. He was in a bar, watching Ugan-
dan actors shoot one another with make-
shift firearms soldered from scrap metal.
Something struck him. The knot in his
chest opened into a vast, airy expanse of
endless possibility.

“I saw it and thought it would be cra-
zier not to go,” Hofmanis says. At that
moment he felt wholly willing to sacrifice
everything material to be close to some-
thing new—something different. Less
than a month later, he arrived at Nab-
wana’s front door.

At first, Hofmanis was as conspicuous as a
sore thumb in the slum. He spent months

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PLAYBOY

136

living at a motel called the Boom because
it was the only place he could find with
a clean room. It happened to also be the
local pay-by-the-hour sex motel. “People
saw me coming in and out and would
give each other this look, like, This guy
really loves the women here,” Hofmanis
says, chuckling. “Look at that mzungu!
African mzungu!” they'd shout. Natives
viewed him as a sex addict who had a fe-
tish for young black Ugandan girls.

Eventually he moved into a tiny space
behind Nabwana's house, where he now
edits film and promotes Wakaliwood
abroad. He assists on sets and stars in films.
But as the only mzungu residing there, for
a long time he was looked on by cast mates
and locals with a mix of pity and suspicion.
After all, what kind of loser trades New
York City for Wakaliga? He heard whis-
pers: Poor Alan; America hated him so he
had to come here. He wasn't good enough
for his country, or his woman.

He also had to fight the notion that all
white people are rich—a stereotype that
has caused uneasiness among the cast and
crew. “The assumption is Isaac has a mzun-
gu friend, so now Isaac has money,” Hof-
manis says. “These guys have been work-
ing for years for free, dreaming оЁа salary.”

For most of the cast members, acting in
Nabwana's films is a source of pride, but
they still need to eat. Bukenya Charles,
Wakaliwood's martial arts expert, hustles
purses and blouses at a tiny shop within the
maze of the Owino market. Actor Ronald
Buriyahika drives a boda-boda seven days
a week. Apollo Creed, a Wakaliwood actor
named after Rocky Balboa's first nemesis,
unloads trucks of fruits and vegetables.

Hofmanis learned to adapt to Kampala’s
culture over the years, but it was Jesus
who finally earned him acceptance in the
predominantly Christian slum. Nabwana
asked Hofmanis, as the rare white man, to
play the Lord in a music video. The video
became so popular that people began to
recognize him on buses and on the streets.
Passersby gleefully shouted, “Hey, Jesus!”

Four years later, the Catholic mzungu 18
one ofthem, more or less. He enjoys a local
dish called the Rolex—scrambled eggs and
tomato rolled into chapatis, or fried wheat
pancakes—that's surely clogging his gut.
He's learned to shit in plastic bags, bathe in
buckets and ignore the parasites. The slum
has learned from him too. When Hofmanis
cut his hand during a stunt for a film called
Bad Black, dozens of locals gathered to see
the color of his blood. “They thought white
people had blue blood,” Hofmanis says.
“They were amazed we bled the same way.”

But Hofmanis didn't anticipate be-
ing an intercultural liaison when he left
lower Manhattan, and the role drains
him more and more every day. He has
lost 50 pounds since relocating, and his
hygiene has gone to shit. He has dirty
nails, long hair and the beard of a trav-
eler. “Money is a real source of tension
right now. Wakaliwood has always been a
community thing, but if money and suc-
cess start coming in, it might tear these
people apart,” he says. Pressure builds
in the Wakaliga slum as actors and crew
members realize outsiders are watching
their movies. And every foreign journal-
ist who sidles up to them spewing nasally,
choppy Luganda, myself included, makes
the big money seem that much closer.

‘Any other description of him besides ‘extremely well hung’?”

Hofmanis returns to the United States
for promotional tours once or twice a
year. When he does, he faces an entirely
different set of obstacles—the first-world
kind. The festival circuit is a world of
manners and Anglo-Saxon perceptions.
It’s not, by any stretch, Wakaliwood,
where street shops fall apart when actors
accidentally tumble through them and
$200 pays for weeks of shooting, screen-
writing, car chasing, motorcycle jumping
and kung fu battling.

Some of the industry insiders Hof-
manis talked to were insulted he was
peddling a product from a country in-
tolerant of gays. Others told him a real
film from Uganda would take a stance
against poverty and child soldiers. The
kindest critique suggested Nabwana’s
movies were anthropological artifacts.
Hofmanis should seek out ethnographic
film festivals or something for African
art, they said.

As Wakaliwood’s ambassador, Hofma-
nis quickly learned that millions of online
views and in-boxes full of fan mail don’t
translate into studio backing or even
admittance to film festivals. Sundance,
South by Southwest and the Tokyo Inter-
national Film Festival all snubbed Nab-
wana, as did the Festival de Cine Pobre,
which celebrates the lowest-budget self-
funded films. How did this first-world
wall come to be? How could the same
footage that inspired Hofmanis to cross
the globe inspire others to shame him for
glorifying violence in Africa? Hofmanis
did his best to remember his crisp, recur-
ring dreams of pushing Wakaliwood into
the limelight. The golden age has yet to
come, he believed. Fortune favors the
bold, doesn’t it?

In June, the first-world wall finally
cracked. Hofmanis jumped from a seat
in his cement bunker and reread the
headline beaming from his small com-
puter screen: GENRE FILM FESTIVAL WILL IN-
CLUDE GILLES PAQUET-BRENNER'S “DARK PLACE”
AND CELEBRATE UGANDA'S WAKALIWOOD FILMS.
Indiewire, a leading news source for film-
makers and film lovers alike, was touting
a Wakaliwood production and Charlize
Theron’s latest movie side by side as main
attractions at Montreal’s Fantasia Inter-
national Film Festival, the largest genre-
film festival on earth.

Hofmanis rustled through his stash
of American treasures—Tabasco sauce,
Hershey’s syrup, instant coffee—and
located a Twix bar he’d been saving for
a moment like this. “My fuck-you mo-
ment,” as he describes it. It was a “fuck
you” to the woman who didn’t want to
marry him, to the New York film dis-
tributor who’d compared Captain Alex
to a viral cat video, to a dozen festival
directors who wouldn’t touch Nabwana
in 2011 or 2012. It was a “fuck you” to
anyone who'd doubted Hofmanis's pil-
grimage to the slums of Kampala against
a tidal wave of migrants going the other
way, who’d doubted the veracity of his vi-
sion ofa burgeoning cinema community.

It was a “fuck you” to his father, who had
never supported him.

A lean grin emerged from beneath his
overgrown beard and mop of salt-and-
pepper hair. His hands and head be-
longed to a manic violinist, but his mind
was mild and genuine. “Things are about
to happen,” he told himself.

Indeed, change was in the air. Screen-
ings of Captaim Alex packed venues in
Hong Kong and Stockholm. American
celebrities were climbing onboard. In
June, Jack White held a private screen-
ing of Captaim Alex in his Nashville stu-
dio. Actor Orlando Jones e-mailed Hof-
manis, angling for a lead role.

The cast saw it all on a tablet their Kick-
starter campaign had bought. Kickstarter
also began to pay for meals on produc-
tion days and for a stack of blue polos ad-
vertising their company: RAMON FILM PRO-
DUCTIONS. It paid Bisaso enough to create
a life-size helicopter from scrap metal,
commissioned to wreak green-screen
havoc in an upcoming film called Ugan-
dan Expendables. (Guess which American
film it's based on.)

Officials from Museveni's govern-
ment, proud of the international at-
tention, put a prop warship on display
in Kampala's center. One of Idi Amin's
many sons stared at it from the crowd,
growing nostalgic. He pointed to where
the dictator would have sat in the heli-
copter and to where he himself sat when
father and son flew around together,
surveying villages from above with a
team of finely trained riflemen.

Still, tension over money roils beneath
the surface of every big success, Hofma-
nis says. New whispers were exchanged
on set: Wakaliwood pulled tears from 141
Amin's son, but it can't pay its own sons
and daughters? The community is starv-
ing for tangible success.

Nabwana calls “Cut!” one last time and
Hofmanis crawls out of his carcass cos-
tume. This scene nearly completes pro-
duction on Eaten Alive in Uganda, one
chapter of what will become the coun-
try’s first action-film trilogy. All of Nab-
wana’s movies comment on the gritty
bits of Ugandan reality, and Eaten Alive
is no different. It’s based on a true can-
nibalism story that came out of Uganda’s
Rakai region in 2014. Cannibalism is
still a big thing in the southern ргоу-
inces along Tanzania’s border, but Law
& Order—esque headline exploitation had
never been used in Ugandan film—until
now. If people are talking about it, Nab-
wana starts writing. He looks at it as a
way to save on advertising.

In Nabwana’s constantly evolving
script for Eaten Alive in Uganda, Hofma-
nis plays a white man mistaken for Chuck
Norris while vacationing in the Ugan-
dan countryside with his Ugandan wife
and children. In the true story, a man
stayed overnight in a small village in the
Rakai province with his pregnant wife
and child. They attended a funeral that
ended late and missed the last bus back

home. Stranded, they found a welcoming
stranger to stay with. After midnight, the
host led the wife and child outside, where
they were attacked by machete-wielding
cannibals. Using his suitcase to deflect
machete swipes, the man alone lived to
tell the story.

In the movie, Hofmanis's mzungu char-
acter goes sightseeing under the stars.
He stumbles upon a quaint fire-lit tribal
celebration that is actually a coming-of-
age ritual for child cannibals. When the
mzungu, presumed to be Chuck Norris,
pops a flash to take a picture, the jungle
savagery begins.

Nabwana never believed Bruce Lee
could have defeated Chuck Norris in Re-
turn of the Dragon, which is why he includ-
ed the mistaken-identity plot point. For
another scene, Hofmanis will be forced
into a kung fu death match with actor
Bruce U, Wakaliwood's version of Bruce
Lee. Sadly, Hofmanis doesn't know kung
fu, so Nabwana has to paint another
actor’s face white. That man, Kizza Man-
isuri Ssejjemba, is known to fans as Trian-
gle Style for the triangles shaved into his
Afro. Even with white paint smeared over
his face, Ssejjemba is still pretty black.

It's unclear how Hofmanis will sell
whiteface and African child cannibals
to the culturally conscious guardians
at Cannes, but Nabwana isn't worried
about any of that. His feet are firmly
planted on his side of the first-world
wall. He considers himself a director,
but foremost, he is a patriot. Hollywood
action films once convinced the world
that a single United States Army soldier
could snap the necks of an entire battal-
ion. Why can't Ugandan films have the
same reputation? Why can’t his heroes
inspire international audiences like Syl-
vester Stallone and Chuck Norris did?
Nabwana thinks Uganda can have it. He
wants Uganda to have it.

Meanwhile, Hofmanis, the 46-year-old
searcher, expat and zealot for new cin-
ema, continues to map Wakaliwood’s fu-
ture glory in the concrete room he shares
with rats and red ants. He tells me the
last time he was in New York, he had to
sneak into his parents’ house after his
father went to sleep and run out before
he woke up in the morning. Hofmanis’s
father has pounded home his disappoint-
ment with years of cold silence. He says
his dad once handed him a scrapbook of
clippings of luxury car ads and brochures
for exotic vacations.

“He wanted me to know what he could
have had if he didn’t have kids,” Hofma-
nis says, grinning again. “Not a single Af-
rican slum brochure in there.”

But he ignores all that. He’s grinning
because all that is behind him. His baggy,
dilated eyes turn far away from his Waka-
liga cell and toward his glorious dream:
to the south of France, the posh epicen-
ter of world cinema that overflows with
manicured women, bubbly champagne,
rare steaks, A-list stars, red carpets and
the eyes of the world.

LIBERATOR

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LIFE & DEATH ON THE ROPES

Continued from page 52

had yet to reveal that wrestling—and all the
violence and rivalries within it—is scripted.
It wasn't until Konnan visited the Aguayo
home and played with the family dog, a
chow chow named Bola, that Perrito felt
safe around him.

Konnan and Aguayo Sr. were tag-team
partners when Perrito made his profes-
sional wrestling debut in June 1995 at the
age of 15, a rarity even in Mexico. But in
front of 19,500 fans at the Río Nilo Coli-
seum in Tonalá, Jalisco, Aguayo lived up to
the high expectations that came with being
his father's son. “The younger Aguayo is
such a natural in the ring,” gushed Wres-
tling Observer Newsletter, which awarded three
and a quarter stars to Aguayo’s match with
Juventud Guerrera. Afterward Konnan told
Aguayo Sr. he would look after his son for
him once he retired.

“Those words haunt me sometimes,”
Konnan says today.

Aguayo Sr. was fearful and reluctant to
allow his son to follow in his footsteps.
He knew the dangers of the business, the
wounds and broken bones that could be
inflicted inside the ring. A botched pile-
driver had almost left him paralyzed.
Today, Aguayo Sr.’s forehead is mutilated,
a calloused mass of scars. This is the result
of decades of blading, a long-standing
wrestling routine of using a small blade to
cause intentional bleeding during a match.
The Mexican media have speculated that
Aguayo Sr. suffers from Alzheimer’s disease.
His current condition and his son’s fate are
reminders that even though wrestling is
scripted, it’s not exactly fake.

Perrito began training young. Playtime
was forward rolls and running the ropes after
his father’s matches. By the age of eight he
was learning tae kwon do, as well as Greco-
Roman and freestyle wrestling. His passion
was evident. Eventually, his father relented.

With his debut match a success, Hijo del
Perro Aguayo was brought along slowly in
AAA, often wrestling in tag matches with
his dad. Father and son looked similar, and
early on they wore matching ring gear. As
time passed and Aguayo Sr. crept into retire-
ment, Perrito, unlike many other “Juniors”
and “Hijo dels” in wrestling, created his own
persona and legacy.

Like his father, Hijo del Perro Aguayo was
a brawler who would spill his own blood
in the ring to heighten drama; “red equals
green” was Senior’s motto. But he was a

more versatile performer than his father.
He could chain wrestle on the mat or dive
from the top rope. He was very athletic,
and he was polished on the microphone.
His greatest attribute, though, was his cha-
risma, especially when working as a heel.

“T’ve seen a lot of good wrestlers, but not
all of them have that charisma—in Span-
ish we call it an angel, as in ‘the grace of
an angel,’ and that’s what Perro had,” Peña
says through an interpreter. “He always took
over. He was that bad guy who, when he
came onto the scene, he just took control
of the audience.”

Aguayo was a true rudo. He knew how to
get heat, how to conjure villainous energy.
He was a throwback to a time when bad guys
could whip fans into a frenzy. No matter the
town, no matter the opponent, he identi-
fied every trigger point for the crowd. He
registered emotions well with his face. His
timing was perfect—he recognized how and
when to suppress a babyface (a good guy or
hero) trying to mount a teased comeback.
A low blow was one of his finishing moves.

Aguayo was a different person outside
the ring. He was humble and well-spoken.
Whereas his character was a blood-licking
thug, Perro was fresa—Mexican slang for
“preppy.” He wore suits. He lived near his
parents in Tala, Jalisco, a town 30 minutes
west of Guadalajara. And though he was
fiercely private, it’s known he was divorced.

He got his big break after leaving AAA
in 2003 for CMLL, the world’s oldest run-
ning wrestling promotion, where he formed
a heel group called Perros del Mal (Dogs
of Evil). In the tradition of such antiheroes
as the N.W.O. and D-Generation X, Perros
made it cool to be bad and became the hot-
test act in the company. (Their catchphrase
was “God forgives; the Dogs...no!”) A 2007
turn on the highly rated reality-show compe-
tition Los 5 Magnificos heightened Aguayo’s
popularity. Later in his career he was a reg-
ular on the telenovela Qué Pobre Tan Ricos.

Business was booming. Aguayo often
wrestled 10 times a week and regularly
headlined Friday-night shows at Arena
México. Wrestling Observer called it “as far
as a singular arena...one of the greatest
attendance runs in pro wrestling history.”
And Aguayo capitalized on his popular-
ity. He was a shrewd businessman who
exploited each opportunity. After forming
Perros del Mal, he hired professional artists
to design a logo, which he test-marketed
before unveiling to the public. The black
shirt with red slashes over white letter-
ing became the first wrestling T-shirt to
go mainstream in Mexico. He understood
marketing redundancy, wearing the T-shirt
everywhere—in the ring, in photo shoots,
even on Los 5 Magnificos. He created a
brand and even opened a brick-and-mortar
store in La Roma, a trendy neighborhood
in Mexico City. Between the clothing line
and his construction company, Aguayo
made a fortune. “He didn’t have to wres-
tle, ГЇ put it that way,” Konnan says. “Не
wrestled because he loved it.”

Predictably, WWE, the billion-dollar
promotion headed by Vince McMahon,
approached Aguayo. He declined an audi-
tion. “Perro had charisma, definitely had

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PLAYBOY

140

the ability, and I think he could have gotten
over [with the crowd],” says former WWE
writer Court Bauer, now a consultant for
AAA. “The language barrier was the only
issue he would have faced.”

Aguayo saw the foreign market as chal-
lenging. Another concern was that because
of licensing rights, WWE likely wouldn't
bill him as Hijo del Perro Aguayo. He was
proud of his name and had worked too hard
building his brand to abandon it. Instead, he
gambled: He left CMLL in 2008 to bankroll
his own independent promotion, Produc-
ciones Perros del Mal. The market, however,
wasn't kind to start-ups. The recession had
ravaged the world economy, and the pro-
motion struggled to land sponsors and a
television deal. So in June 2010, Aguayo,
along with Perros del Mal, invaded AAA,
where he wrestled until his death.

Aguayo had an agreement with AAA that
permitted him to make sporadic appear-
ances for other promotions. Now 20 years
into his career, he didn't wrestle as often,
but the March 20 show in Tijuana was a
homecoming for Rey Mysterio, the former
WWE superstar.

Aguayo started the day with a workout in
the hotel gym before meeting the promoter
of the event, CRASH owner Ignacio Delgado,
for lunch at the Golden Palace, Aguayo's
favorite Chinese restaurant in Tijuana. Once
Aguayo's cousin Kahn del Mal, a fellow wres-
tler, returned from a shopping trip across
the border, they left for the sold-out show.

Backstage, the mood at Auditorio Munici-
pal was calm. As is tradition in lucha libre, the
younger performers stopped by Aguayo's
locker room to shake the veteran's hand. He
then went over the match with his tag-team
partner, Manik, along with Mysterio and his
partner, Xtreme Tiger. Aguayo gave Manik
a Perros del Mal T-shirt before the masked
wrestler departed. It was almost bell time.
On their way to the tunnel entrance, Aguayo,
Manik, Konnan and Kahn saw doctors treat-
ing a wrestler for a broken collarbone.

Aguayo employed his trademark heel tac-
tics to start the match—he swung a chair,
threatened to tear off Mysterio's mask and
then climbed the ropes, arms outstretched,
to bask in the jeers. In the final sequence, the
only unplanned bit was when Aguayo exited
the ring following the head scissors—he was

WHY, ITS A
SEA OF WHEAT luz
AND IM ROWING г

supposed to fall into the middle rope for
the 619 spot. When he reentered, Mysterio’s
dropkick put him in the correct position, but
Aguayo’s body went limp after hitting the
ropes. Video shows him bleeding from his
eye at this point. Still, the match continued
for 70 seconds with Aguayo languishing on
the canvas. It took another 80 seconds for
emergency personnel to arrive.

With other injured wrestlers already
occupying all the gurneys, a decision
was made to place Aguayo on a piece of
plywood. He was carried to the back, lifted
onto a stretcher and then, six minutes
after the injury occurred, loaded into an
ambulance for the quick ride—two blocks
west—to the hospital. As EMTs attended to
Aguayo, Kahn and Konnan removed the
tape from his fingers and wrists and unlaced
his boots—anything to stimulate a reaction.
Kahn noticed Aguayo’s chest wasn’t moving.
He squeezed his hand. There was no
response. Doctors worked on Aguayo for 90
minutes at the hospital before pronouncing
him dead at 1:30 Ам.

Could Aguayo’s life have been saved?
With two ambulances and a doctor present,
CRASH's medical provisions were higher
than the industry standard for independent
wrestling shows. And though the optics were
appalling—the match continuing; the make-
shift plywood stretcher—Aguayo's longtime
family doctor has said that no medical treat-
ment could have kept him alive. Aguayo
fractured his C1, C2 and C3 vertebrae; a
C2 fracture is called a “hangman's fracture.”

Everyone has a theory about which
move—the kick in the corner, the bump on
the ring apron, the dropkick, hitting the
ropes—caused the injury, but it couldn't be
determined. We will never know. Kahn says
Aguayo had no preexisting neck or spinal
injury and that in fact his wrestling license
was renewed less than a month before
his death. In his career Aguayo had suf-
fered a broken leg and a knee injury, and
it was reported he had a cancerous tumor
removed from his stomach in 2011. Kahn,
the family spokesman, believes a blow to the
chest earlier in the match felled his beloved
cousin. ^I was ringside. From that point for-
ward, I noticed there was something odd
about him. His legs weren't sturdy. His
vision looked different," he says through
an interpreter. Kahn then switches to halt-
ing English. “You know your brother. You

You DUMMY! YOURE
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know him. You know everything. You know
when something is wrong.”

“Is this going to be on camera?” Rey Mysterio
asks. “No? Okay, then we can take the mask
off.” Mysterio, 40, unzips the red-and-blue
mask to reveal a still boyish face. He lounges
on a couch in the locker room of the Arena
Ciudad de México on the night before Triple-
mania, wearing a Cassius Clay T-shirt, dark
denim and construction boots. At five-two,
he can barely scrape the floor with his feet.

Having departed AAA in 1995 for the
Philadelphia-based promotion ECW, then
ultimately thriving in WCW and WWE, Mys-
terio missed Hijo del Perro’s rise. And so he
was thrilled that after leaving WWE in Feb-
ruary 2015 his first matches in Mexico were
with Aguayo. Mysterio and Aguayo changed
in the same locker room that night in Tijuana
and spoke about life, family and their recent
match in Guadalajara. “I told him, “You blew
my mind. You are on another level, ” Myste-
rio says. “That was the last thing I told him
before we went out to the ring.”

Mysterio has seen the footage from
Tijuana. “I had doubt in my mind if I had
done something—that I could have caused
it,” he says. “I probably went over it a hun-
dred times trying to find what I could have
done different, if anything. Apparently
not.” He first realized Aguayo was injured
while in midair, attempting the 619. When
he swung around and saw Aguayo on the
ropes, he thought Aguayo had suffered a
concussion or been knocked out. Breaking
character, he nudged Aguayo. When there
was no response, Mysterio and Manik called
an end to the match as quickly as possible.
Mysterio spent the night at the hospital with
Konnan and Kahn.

With more than 25 years in the business,
Mysterio has seen too many wrestlers—too
many friends, including Eddie Guerrero and
Edward “Umaga” Fatu—die young. This hurt
even more, Mysterio says, because it hap-
pened in the ring. “It has affected me to this
day. My preparation for matches, sometimes I
feel blocked. Sometimes I feel like I shouldn’t
be doing this. Sometimes I think I should
throw in the towel,” he says, his raspy voice
breaking up. “Being around my wife and kids,
I think that’s my biggest fear. For my kids not
to have a father—that really scares me.”

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142

item on the internet on the morning after
Aguayo's death. He received death threats
on Twitter. Adding to his woes, the deputy
prosecutor of Baja California announced he
would open an investigation into Aguayo's
death, meaning Mysterio could face man-
slaughter charges. Mysterio tells me the
prosecutor's office hasn't contacted him;
the president of the Tijuana Boxing and
Wrestling Commission (yes, such a position
exists) has said no one is to blame for the
incident but also stated that wrestling should
be regulated much like boxing is. A senator
from Baja California later proposed a bill
that would establish a protocol for medical
attention at wrestling events.

There have been at least 15 documented
incidents of wrestlers dying in the ring, the
majority from a heart attack or a brutal neck
bump. Aguayo, however, died following a
series of routine moves, leaving many on
the AAA roster shaken. “When 1 saw how it
happened, it was like, Oh God, that can hap-
pen to me. It made me feel so vulnerable,”
says El Hijo del Fantasma. He's a 31-year-
old graduate of Universidad Anáhuac with
a degree in international relations who
speaks perfect English and plans to one day
enter politics. How does he, a thoughtful
guy, block out the risks in his profession?
“By wrestling, by doing more lucha,” he
says. “We have this tradition that if some-
one passes, the way we honor them is by

dedicating everything you do to them. The
night after Perro died, we were devastated,
but we did a great show for him.”

At the time of his death, Aguayo was slated
to star in the main event of August's Triple-
manía XXIII, a hair vs. mask match against
either Myzteziz or Rey Mysterio. Instead,
those two masked wrestlers clashed in what
was billed as a dream match. But illogical
story lines, sloppy action throughout the
card and technical problems that caused
audio issues for the pay-per-view audience
turned Triplemanía into a bust—“ Pretty
much a disaster,” wrote 41 1mania.com іп
one of many dreadful reviews.

After the show, Dorian Roldan, AAA's
executive vice president of business devel-
opment, sat in the control room, looking
exhausted. As the son of Marisela Peña,
Roldan plays a familiar character on-screen:
the sniveling, privileged scion. Behind the
scenes, though, he's part of a team respon-
sible for much of AAAs recent growth.
When his uncle Antonio Peña passed away
in 2006, Roldan says, AAA had two sources
of income: gate receipts and two spon-
sors (Corona and Comex). Roldan and his
mother expanded the company, focusing
on marketing (Mission: Impossible—Rogue
Nation sponsored Triplemanía), licensing
products such as sticker albums and video

"You're not listening to a word I say!”

games, hiring a PR agency and spending
big to bring home former WWE stars. AAA,
which now stages 800 shows a year world-
wide, is also nearing a potential windfall with
the loosening of the Televisa and TV Azteca
duopoly in Mexican broadcasting. At the
moment AAA does not receive compensation
for its television rights from Televisa. That
will soon change with more competition.

Roldan also has one eye on the U.S. (“We
really hope Donald Trump doesn't become
the next president,” he says.) Triplemanía
ХХШ was the first AAA pay-per-view event
to air stateside since 1994, and the company
is a majority stakeholder in Lucha Under-
ground, an acclaimed wrestling program
produced by Mark Burnett (Survivor and,
ironically enough, The Apprentice) on the El
Rey Network. “One of the things America
understands really well is superheroes,”
Roldan says. “And wrestlers are like the
Mexican superheroes.” But he is now with-
out his greatest supervillain—and also trying
to recover from the stunning October depar-
tures of Myzteziz to CMLL and Alberto El
Patrón to WWE. “The wrestling business
is complex—negotiations, new players are
changing every day. Of course, we are clos-
ing new deals with really important talent,”
Roldan says. “I am really confident that we
are still the most powerful company in Latin
America and really soon AAA will have two
big new stars on our roster.”

The show-must-go-on credo is perva-
sive in professional wrestling. Hours after
Aguayo's death, Konnan traveled to Los
Angeles for a Lucha Underground taping, the
first of many tributes to Aguayo. He says
Aguayo would likely have appeared on the
show in 2016, exposing the American audi-
ence to his talents. He tries not to consider
hypotheticals, though. He just knows that
his friend is gone. “It's very hard, bro. 1
cried. I dealt with it. I thought about leaving
the business. But at the end of the day you
can't let it consume you—that’s the best way
you can explain it,” he says. “I understand
at this juncture in my life that tragedies are
a part of life and it’s just how you handle
them. Everything isn’t going to be good, and
you have to be prepared for times like this.
This isn’t the first time that’s happened to
me. It probably won't be the last.”

Rey Mysterio is also attempting to move
forward. On the Thursday before Triple-
mania he had a heart-to-heart talk with
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Jan,/Feb. 2016 /// Late Capital Punishment /// Libertarianism’s Political Patriarchy

A MORAL MAJORITY

With shifting attitudes among soul-
searching Republicans, a new day
in the crusade against the death
penalty may be dawning

On April 29, 2014, 15 years
after Clayton Lockett shot
19-year-old Stephanie Neiman
and buried her alive in a shal-
low grave, the unrepentant
killer’s own life reached its
end, as ordered by the state of
Oklahoma. But Lockett’s exe-
cution, far from the sanitized,
clinical image of death we
associate with lethal injection,
was a botched, bloody mess.
At 6:33 рм., 10 minutes
after the first of three drugs
was administered, Lockett

lost consciousness. The pro-
cedure quickly took a turn
for the horrifying. Testi-
mony revealed that Lockett
experienced vein failure at
the site of injection and that
the drugs meant to kill him
were only partially absorbed,
inducing a state of torturous,
half-conscious pain until he
finally died at 7:06 pm.
For those 33 min-
utes, witnesses attest,
Lockett repeat-
edly raised his head
and shoulders from
the gurney, jerking
and moaning as the
drugs slowly entered
his body tissue. The super-
vising doctor pricked him
16 times with a needle in an
effort to correct the mistake,
slicing an artery in his groin,
from which blood squirted.
“It was like a horror movie,”

one witness told The Guardian.

MELBA

NEWSOME

“He kept trying to talk.”

Death penalty opponents
such as Colby Coash point to
executions like Lockett's as
ample reason to abolish the
practice, but not because of
its cruelty. Coash, a pro-life
conservative Nebraska state
senator, argues that the death
penalty is a quintessential big
government program, inef-
ficient and antithetical to
conservative values.

Coash won his first elec-
tion eight years ago by just 79
votes, promising in his cam-
paign to be a good steward
of the state's resources. Last
May a death penalty repeal
bill—sponsored by Ernie
Chambers, an independent
state senator who has pushed
similar legislation in every
session he's served
in since 1976—
finally passed. It was
a feat that would
have been impossi-
ble without Coash's
efforts to rally his
conservative peers
and convince seven freshman
Republicans of the penalty’s
inherently anticonservative
nature. Nebraska became the
seventh state to outlaw the
death penalty since 2007 and
the first conservative state to
do so in 40 years. (The repeal

is now on hold, after a signa-
ture campaign forced the bill
to a statewide vote to be held
this November.)

Their victory may reflect
a larger shift in attitudes
surrounding execution.
Although a majority of Amer-
icans continue to support
capital punishment, that
support is at its lowest in 40
years, and a majority also
favor nonlethal options such
as life imprisonment when
offered the choice. A Pew poll
found a 10 percent decrease
in support among conser-
vatives over the past two
decades, with half the decline
taking place in the past year.

Liberals have long argued
against the death penalty by
citing statistics that show it
has failed to reduce the homi-

“This is the
same govern-
ment we don’t
trust to deliver
the mail or roll
out a health
care website.”

cide rate and that it places
the U.S. in the unsavory
company of such countries
as Iran, Yemen and North
Korea. Such logic holds lit-
tle sway with law-and-order
conservatives, who are more
likely to respond to argu-
ments that play to deeply
held conservative ideals—
namely, the economics: A
life sentence is tens of mil-
lions of dollars cheaper than
an execution. The difference
begins at trial, where death
penalty cases can cost up to
10 times those seeking life
imprisonment. Even housing
a death-row inmate is exorbi-
tant; in California it costs an
additional $90,000 each year.
In that state, more con-
demned inmates die of old
age and suicide than from
execution. And before last
May, Nebraska had exe-
cuted just three people in
the past 40 years, though not
for lack of trying. In 2008,
Nebraska's Supreme Court
ruled that death by electric
chair constituted cruel and
unusual punishment. Despite

145

146

FORUM

a switch to lethal injection
the following year, efforts by
states nationwide to execute
inmates failed for the same
reason: Obtaining the req-
uisite drugs had become a
nightmare thanks to a 2011
EU embargo on export-
ing and a 2013 FDA ban on
importing sodium thiopen-
tal, an obsolete anesthetic
required for the most effective
execution cocktail. Alternate
cocktails produce gruesome,
protracted deaths similar to
that suffered by Lockett.
The long appeals process
in death penalty cases—15.5

“If the state
gives asentence
it cannot carry
out, how is that
justice for the
families?”

years on average between
conviction and execution,
according to the U.S. Depart-
ment of Justice—is also
grueling to those closest to
victims. “If the state gives a
sentence it cannot carry out,
how is that justice for the
families?” asks Coash. Dozens
of victims’ families lobbied
alongside him for repeal,
emphasizing that instead of
healing their pain, the death
penalty exacerbates it by
dragging them through a
lengthy, traumatizing routine
that rarely ends as promised.
These arguments and more
have propelled conservatives
nationwide to take up cam-
paigns for repeal. In October,
a Montana judge blocked
all lethal injections in the
state. Last year, Republicans
sponsored repeal bills in Mis-
souri, Kansas, South Dakota,
Kentucky and Wyoming. A
growing number of right-
wing voices have joined the

A SURPRISING LOOK АТ A DYING PRACTICE w

DEATH ROW IS About 600 fewer prisoners sit on
death row than during a 2000 peak.

SHRINKING

3,700

INMATES

3,400
3,100
2,800

opposition chorus, including
Jay Sekulow, Ramesh Pon-
nuru, Ron Paul, Bill O’Reilly
and Oliver North. And Con-
servatives Concerned About
the Death Penalty, a network
of right-leaning legislators
and activists, has been cam-
paigning since 2013 ona
platform that emphasizes
capital punishment's cost,
incessant delays and gov-
ernment ineptitude. While
CCADP focuses on repeal-
ing the death penalty state by
state, it is now a staple at the
Conservative Political Action
Conference, the annual gath-
ering of conservative activists
in Washington, D.C. that
attracts big-name Republicans
from around the country.
Nonetheless, 77 percent
of conservatives still support
capital punishment; some
red states have even doubled
down on their support. The
difficulty of obtaining sodium
thiopental prompted legis-
lators in Arkansas and Utah
to propose death by firing
squad instead (a common, if
hyperbolic, threat). Yet death
penalty critic Marc Hyden,
advocacy coordinator for the
CCADP is not discouraged.
After mishandled executions
like Lockett's, he believes the
institution will collapse under
the weight of its own ineffi-
ciency. After all, he says, “this
is the same government we
don't trust to deliver the mail
or roll out a health care web-
site.” He has a fair point. Ш

MORAL

3,593

DISSOCIATION

GENDER POLITICS

To survive, libertarianism must become
more than a free-market frat house

The stadium was a sausage
fest. This wouldn’t have
been notable on any other
Sunday at the Tampa Sun
Dome, where the University
of Southern Florida Bulls
play. Trouble was, this wasn’t
a basketball game but a fete
for the 77-year-old standard

Advocates support the pen

Aware of risk

alty

knowing it will be misapplied.

Aware penalty

bearer of a long-struggling
political movement: Ron
Paul. That triumphant gath-
ering of 10,000 libertarians
in August 2012 was alive
with a sense that their oft-
dismissed ideas were finally
hitting it big.

After all, Paul had enjoyed
an impressive second-place
finish in the GOP delegate
hunt. The Republican nom-
inee, Mitt Romney, had
already announced his run-
ning mate as Representative
Paul Ryan of Wisconsin, an
Ayn Rand devotee whose
selection libertarians felt was
a nod their way. More prom-
ising, Ron Paul's son Rand
was a freshman U.S. senator
with overwhelming buzz as
potential presidential timber

DEATH IN
DISPROPORTION

29: Number of U.S.
counties that have deliv-
ered 44% of a h

sentences sinc

sente сє 5
59: Number of counties

of killing the doesn't deter
innocent crime
Support death penalty 63% 49%
Oppose death penalty 84% 78%

that delivered every U.S.
death sentence in 2O12.

BRIAN STAUFFER

if Romney lost to Barack
Obama, as was likely. There
was cause for optimism in
libertarian quarters that the
body politic was, for the first
time in decades, “getting it.”

However, also on display
that afternoon was the fun-
damental math problem that
has forever kept libertar-
ians on the fringe of elected
politics: The vast majority of
attendees were male. Most
of the speakers to grace the
stage were male. The honky-
tonk music that blared forth
was of a masculine, steel-
stringed variety.

No political movement in
modern America can suc-
ceed on testosterone alone,
and what appeared to be a
coming-out party at the Sun
Dome, with banners and
speeches proclaiming lib-
ertarianism “here to stay”
and “taking root,” is likely to
remain the movement's high-
water mark unless it can find
a way to appeal to the other
half of the Ameri-
can electorate.

Consider the
fate of the Rand
Paul presiden-
tial campaign:
Paul was actu-
ally in good shape
before Donald
Trump hijacked the 2016
nomination. Both Politico
and Time magazine had
declared Paul the “most
interesting man in politics”
precisely because some of his
libertarian ideas—less for-
eign military engagement,
greater personal privacy pro-
tection from government
snooping, concern about
the over-incarceration of
Americans—could nudge the
GOP toward new, less pre-
dictable stances. As late as
last June, polls had Paul net-
ting about seven percent of
likely Republican voters. In
the already crowded field,
that figure was substantial.

Yet lurking inside that
good news was some-
thing very bad: Paul drew
about 13 percent of male
Republicans—more than Jeb
Bush or Marco Rubio—but a
mere two percent of women,
according to CNN. It was
the most extreme gender
gap in the bunch.

It would be easy to claim
this as a Paul-specific prob-
lem, given that his campaign

STEVE

FRIESS

rollout included gaffes such
as the candidate mansplain-
ing to female anchors how
they should do their jobs
and what questions they
should ask him. But writ
large, libertarianism is a
widespread and troublesome
turn-off to women. Data has
piled up for years about the
problem: Both a 2013 Public
Religion Research Institute
study and a 2014 Pew sur-
vey, for instance, found men
outnumbering women two
to one among self-identified
libertarians.

This is partly due to
branding. There are lib-
ertarians, who espouse a
general antigovernment line,
and there are Libertarians,
members of the Libertar-
ian Party. Some people are
both, but the most promi-
nent are the Pauls—Rand,
Ron and Ryan—who all work
their magic from within the
Republican Party. The price
of credibility with GOP vot-
ers, though, is
making peace
with the idea that
our government
will interfere with
abortions and gay
marriage, which
taints the liber-
tarian brand.
Meanwhile, the Libertar-
lan Party may actually be
more appealing to women—
its 2012 platform called for
government to stay out of
abortion and gay marriage—
but presidential nominee
Gary Johnson didn't make
much effort to tell that to
female voters for fear of
alienating men. In any event,
the party is a widespread
flop, holding not a single
seat in any state legislature,
statewide office or Congress.

To some, what's most sur-
prising about this conundrum

>» The Paul family's male fan base
may be their worst enemy

The Libertar-
ian Party is

a widespread
flop, holding
not a single
seat in any
state legisla-
ture, statewide
office or
Congress.

is that libertarianism's patron
saints, the authors Ayn

Rand, Isabel Paterson and
Rose Wilder Lane, are all
women. Perhaps their mes-
sage resounded precisely
because it was what guys—
especially the hairy-chested,
Ron Swanson sort attracted to
libertarianism's self-reliance-
at-all-costs ideal—wanted to
hear from the opposite sex.
Male libertarians weren't
resentful just of big govern-
ment. They were resentful of
anyone who told them what
to say, think or do. In real
life, the women they knew
hassled them to be compas-
sionate, generous, thoughtful,
loyal. Rand, Paterson and
Lane instead told them that
selfishness was a virtue.

Indeed, in pondering
what women dislike about
libertarianism, it may help
to consider why some men
like it. The philosophy posits
that any deviation from true
self-reliance is not just a sign
of weakness but a character
flaw. Conveniently, though,
men do not get pregnant,
give birth or usually serve as
the primary caregiver to off-
spring. On a practical level,
these aspects of the female
experience place women at
physical risk, forcing them to
rearrange their lives in dra-
matic ways and, very often,
lead them to depend on the
support of others.

Political and social scien-
tists have long held that this
dependence often makes
women more sympathetic to
others who seek and accept
help, even if they recoil at
doing so themselves. То
this end, women who might
otherwise be libertarians
become Republicans, because

FORUM

their party proposes a gov-
ernment that helps people
less but at least a little.

Women are such a rarity
in this movement that they
take online handles that
emphasize their gender.
There's Julie Borowski, who
calls herself “Token Liber-
tarian Girl" on her YouTube
channel. There's also Lib-
ertarian Ann, whose web
shows have variously been
known as "Ron Paul Girl
Radio" and “1 Woman
Vs. the Man." And there's
Rachel Bolch-Thach, who
rose to prominence specifi-
cally for being an attractive
young delegate for Ron Paul
at the 2012 convention and
has run with that notoriety
ever since as LibertyGirlTX
on Facebook.

At least libertarian women
seem concerned about the
problem. Almost without
exception, the only liber-
tarians sounding an alarm
about the male dominance
of the cause are female.
^No movement can sur-
vive without half the
population—and especially
not the half that still spends
the most time influencing
the next generation," writes
Bonnie Kristian on Rare.us,
a libertarian web journal.

The guys aren't having
it, though. "Libertarian-
ism does not address race,
gender, religion, sexual-
ity or any other class the
left would like to see pro-
tected from offense. Nor
should it," libertarian fire-
brand Christopher Cantwell
writes. “Libertarianism
makes the radical asser-
tion that these subjects are
irrelevant outside of our
own personal preferences,
and that our own personal
preferences are not how
the whole of human society
should be organized. So the
short answer to libertarian
diversity is, I don't care, and
neither should you."

Straight white men who
find efforts to appeal to
people different from them-
selves unbecoming may
congratulate one another
for standing on principle.
Perhaps as their numbers
dwindle and their influence
wanes, they can sit together
in their sad little internet
chat rooms and whisper,

“We'll always have Tampa.” № 147

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