first to alec ross, who died of cancer, and then to one of the country's most well—loved actors, johner bestselling book, the two of us, could be tumultuous. was alcohol the difference between when things were good and when things were bad? yes. quite honestly, yes. as a wife who saw someone through that, what did you do that worked? was it tough love? it was tough love. yes, it was tough love. it was... it was absolutely tough love. but the miracle was thatjohn... he got left alone for a while by all of us. i just left a telephone number of somebody that could help him. and in that period, he contacted that person, and he never had another drink. although thaw sobered up, turmoil still found a way into the couple's life. in 2001, he was diagnosed with oesophageal cancer and he died shortly after. there may be people listening to you now, may even be people interviewing you now who are going through grief, and with your long lens on it, and the benefit of 21 years since dearjohn died, more than that since alec, you lost your parents, what's the most important lesson about grief that y