[dramatic music] - from comedy central's world news quarters in new york. "the daily show" with trevor noah presents... ♪ - used to be if you wanted to get people on board with a cause, you did it through speeches, marches, or getting leo dicaprio to give a [bleep]. but two anti-racist activists think they've found a better way to get people to take a stand against racism. and you don't even have to leave your apartment. - safety pin box is a monthly subscription box for white people who want to be allies in the fight for black liberation. - so y'all saw a blue apron and was like, boom, that's how we solve racism. - that's the idea. - but instead of mailing white people stuff they're excited about, like purple potatoes, this box contains monthly instructions on how to not be racist, and 25% of the profits go to black female activists.

they also throw in a sticker or wrist-band. you know, racism swag. - and it's $100 a month. [laughter] - it's a hundred dollars? - a hundred dollars. - seriously, white guilt runs that deep. hundred dollars deep. 'cause i've seen the news. and i seen them red hats. white people ain't feeling guilty these days. - no, they're not. - well, we are coming up on a thousand subscribers. - [laughs] y'all lying. y'all lying. - nope. - 1,000 people sendin' you-- - we're just as surprised as you are. - mm-hmm. - be real, y'all [bleep] with these white people, right? - it's revolutionary. - we know. - their business was running like a well-oiled machine. with one surprising element: white labor. - do you pay him? - no. - [mouths] [women laughing] - hey! come on to freedom! i had to follow these white tears to the source: a subscriber. but what kind of crazy white person wants to spend $100 a month to feel bad about themself?

- the safety pin box has been life-changing. it's incredible. i absolutely love it. - you love it? [laughter] - i do. - is this box worth $100? - i'd even go 150. - wow. was she just guilty? or was she really part of the struggle? on a scale of 1 to 10, how woke would you say you are? - i wouldn't-- i wouldn't use that term. as a white person trying to dismantle racism, and systemic oppression, you don't become woke, you don't get to this level of-- - so you'd say about a six. [laughter] - if i'm not doing something to stop it, then i'm adding to racism in our culture. it's up to me, as a white person with power and privilege to use that to help bring other white folks along. - she talked the woke talk here in her apartment, doing her little racism homework, but what about the real world? it was time to go undercover for black liberation. my mission: find out if kate can practice what she learned in the safety pin box. so i hopped in my police surveillance van, wired up kate for sound, and put her on the streets.

or, the white version of the streets: the park! all right, kate, we're live. - hey. did you know that the school-to-prison pipeline-- huh. - it's hard, right? - i guess maybe, he knows already. - hey, are you two talking about ways that you could be better allies to black people? - you're not? why not? - jesus. - did you know this nation is built on the backs of slaves? - [foreign accent] where did you come from? - this was painful to watch. surprise, surprise. a lot of people don't want to talk about race. oh, here goes something for you, kate. ask him if he can explain why in the year 2017 a black person still has to deal with school-to-prison pipeline, police harassment, online harassment, - online harassment, offline harassment, both: disproportionate corporate pollution, - privatization of prisons! - privatization of prisons. - gotta run faster than that if you want to stop racism! - white-on-white walk-talk was easy. time to go next level. - i just want to, first of all, apologize - for all the appropriation-- - all the appropriation - of black music. - of black music

that we've done. - i'm sorry for "la la land." - and i'm sorry for "la la land." - walk up to the black lady on the computer. and tell her you're sorry for all the white people that have ever asked to touch her hair. - i just wanted to apologize for all of the white people who ever asked to touch your hair. totally not cool. - [laughs] - we know they do it. i just wanted to say sorry. uh, that's the one thing that i wanted to say, thank you. - oh, wow! - thank you for your time. - oh, wow, thank you! - that-- - absolutely. - that was actually really nice! - guy with the red hat on. ask him if he's paid reparations. and when he says no, ask him if he'd like to buy the two black women coffee. - do you mind? - yeah? - have you paid reparations? - for...? - everything. - for everything. - um... i've never paid reparations for anything. - okay. how do you feel about buying these two women coffee? - [gasps] - would you, uh, be up for that? - sure. - yeah? - [laughs] - i mean, i don't think it would be reparations, but- you know. - it's a start.

- like, courtesy. - it's a start, though, right? it's a start. - ask them how they want their slavery coffee. - how would you like your reparation coffee? - [laughing] this is like the best day ever! - this is deep. - wow! interracial dialogue, and she got reparations from the guy in the red hat! i had to go back and tell leslie and marissa the great news. their box was working! i spent a lot of time with one of your subscribers. y'all basically solved racism. she fully woke. - we're not vested in that. that's not how we measure our success. our success is measured in how much money we can give to black women. yeah we've given away $60,000 since january, so... - do you care if white people do any of the stuff in the box? - do i care, as in am i losing sleep over it? nah, that's between you and your white jesus. - don't say that. - no? - don't tell white people you don't care. - i care if their credit cards clear. - y'all have basically tricked white people into giving us reparations. - pay us what you owe us. - oh, my god. get that money.

- roy wood jr., everybody! we'll be right back! [cheers and applause] [hip-hop music]

oooh! man, could this day get any better? [singing] dr pepper cherriot! a cherry treat. mmm. thank you, tiny wagon. you're welcome. that's right, i talk. deal with it!. dr pepper cherry. cherry on!

[hip-hop music] ♪ - we heard about "the march for our lives" in d.c., but there was another march going down all the way out in helena, montana. and out here, at this march, people were taking a stand for the real victims of gun violence: guns. - we're blessed to live in a state that believes in individual rights. - if it wasn't for donald j. trump, our second amendment right now would be gone. - and that's why they're out celebrating guns of all types. - we're gun-toting americans. - do you think our founding fathers would approve, of the ar-15? - yeah! - that's what i want. - wait, you want-- you want a tank? - i should have a tank, because i should be equally armed with whatever the government has. - so you're out here for the tank rally. - yeah, the tank rally. - and these tank-wielding badasses

have a solution to stop school shootings. - we should have armed teachers. - we'd be more than willing to bring them in and train them, absolutely for free. - all teachers? - if they can pass a background check. - dude, our teachers can't pass a background check, they're high as [bleep]. - i'm here because i want the kids to be safe. - is it safer to have a gun? - oh, absolutely. firearms keep absolutely people safe. - but filling our schools with guns isn't their only solution. - clear backpacks. because you know that the student does not have a gun, or something dangerous in that backpack. - but i thought everybody was supposed to have a gun? - well, schools and, uh-- but if it's a gun-free zone, then you don't want guns there. - but you just said we needed more guns in schools. - not by students. what we also need is clear backpacks. - yeah, clear backpacks. what else? - what is the answer to stopping school shootings? - right, so, i-- i've been a cage fighter for ten years. - wait, you what? - cage fighter. - so, i made a living, right-- now, you're stepping back. one of the things everybody always said

is, "man, we should get this in one of our high schools!" - so we can stop people from getting guns, or we can implement cage matches in the school. - absolutely, 100%. i'm for that. i'd advocate that in a heartbeat. - but is the march for guns' real mission to expose a hidden truth about the march for our lives? - this is the real march. that other march? d.c.? - well, they're, they're paid, by liberal democrats to go there. - somebody paid for 1/2 million people to go to d.c. today? - absolutely. that's all over the internet. it's not a secret. - what about the parkland students themselves? - they're actors. they're paid actors, to say that. - it's hard to debate a subject when the opposite side... - just got shot at. - is--is shouting, and-- - i mean, shot at, not shouting. just got shot at. - well, they would have. those--those kids are shouting. - a lot of these guys are just crisis actors. they really are, though. they are, i mean-- - so you don't think they're actual students at parkland? - do you? - nikolas cruz, how did he know how to target specifically the school where the crisis actors were attending? - okay, so...

[clears throat] [laughter and applause] well-- i'm sorry, but, you just-- you just opened up something that could be a conspiracy. i didn't--i never thought about that before. - that's what we need: more conspiracies. but the conspiracy that i was on to, was that even though this was a pro-gun rally, something seemed missing. - do you have your gun with you today? - no. - you go to a pro-gun rally without your gun, that's like being sober on bud light island. - i did not wear my gun here today. - so if a gun makes people safer, why didn't you bring your gun here today? - [sighs] that is an-- that is-- actually-- - turns out the organizers told these folks not to bring their guns, because they were worried about safety issues. but for all of their guns, guns, guns, these second amendment mother[bleep] were also pretty down with the first, which meant anybody could come up to the stage and speak. - i know roy over here wants to say a word as well. - this is the march that all the cameras should be at. [audience cheering, clapping]

i've learned today, that, you know, guns make people safe. - yes! [audience clapping] - which is why we didn't bring our guns today, because we understand that. [laughter] well, that didn't work. but luckily, this rally ended the way all good rallies do: with a big-ass pizza party! and that's something i'll happily open-carry. [dramatic music] [cheers and applause] - good evening, black people, people of color, and rachel dolezal. [laughter] i'm speaking to you tonight from harlem, in new york city. and not the gentrified part, where the white people done took it over with muffin shops. i'm in a church basement at 453rd street where it's blacker than a wu-tang family reunion. [laughter]

and tonight-- tonight, black people, we're here to answer one question: what we is? we can also celebrate black shit's rechent-- recent achievements in technology. most notably, the shiny, shade-throwin', death star that is black twitter. black twitter single-handedly destroyed h&m for selling a monkey hoodie. corporate america used to just fear jessie jackson. now they fear a re-tweet from anybody in a do-rag, and that's good. [laughter] but remember-- but remember, with great do-rags, come great responsibility. that's why we're counting on you, black twitter, to continue the innovations in the field of slang. never has black slang been appropriated so quickly. the other day, i heard two middle-aged white dudes calling each other "thots." that word is gone. push forward, black twitter, and create new words. really black-ass words, like coco-shango. i'm--i'm just spitballin'. i don't know what that mean.

y'all figure it out. that finally brings me to the future of black shit. for the first time, an african-american woman will be speed-skating at the white oly-- winter olympics, and, in 2018-- [applause] in 2018 there are over 400 black women running for public office. [audience applause] so, black citizens, you ask, "where we is?" the answer is on our way to a place where the state of black shit is stronger than ever. god bless black people, god bless gayle king, and god bless season 2 of atlanta! [cheers and applause] thank you! ♪

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most beloved stores. - toys"r"us, the nation's largest toy store chain, filing for bankruptcy protection with the busy holiday season just around the corner. - the biggest toy store chain in the world, - ♪ i don't wanna grow up! ♪ i'm a toys"r"us kid! - now facing a very grown-up problem: filing for bankruptcy, and 5 billion dollars in long-term debt. - the bankruptcy is among the largest ever by a specialty retailer. and it could usher in changes to the company's nearly 1,600 stores. - for more on this, we turn to our chief business analyst, roy wood jr., everybody! [cheers and applause] um... roy, as someone who's spent a lot of time in children's toy stores, what are your-- what are your thoughts on this? - as a child. [laughter] spent time in the store as a--as a child. - of course. uh, so roy, what-- what, like, what happened? what did toys"r"us do wrong? - [sighs] well, trevor, i think what happened with toys"r"us, honestly it shouldn't surprise investors. toys"r"us didn't keep up with the times.

it's right there in the slogan: ♪ i don't want to grow up well, you should have! [laughter] kids don't want toys now, they want gadgets. they're hacking wikileaks on their ipad, a etch a sketch doesn't even have bluetooth! it--even amish kids are at toys"r"us like, "connect four? "where's the exploding hoverboards?" times are changing, bruh. - oh, that's a really interesting point, roy. - yeah, and that's not all. what's with that mascot? stupid-ass giraffe? geoffrey. geoffrey. spells it with a 'g', like a douche-bag. [laughter] that's--that's-- it's not a kid-friendly name. that's the name of a dude who makes his own craft beer under a bowling alley. [laughter] it's got no swag. and--and then another thing with the stores. look, i'm not surprised people stopped going to toys"r"us. the store's too damn big! when i was a kid, they had all the good toys up on the high shelf. my mama asked me what i wanted for christmas one year, i said, "a forklift." to get up there. you know who did it right?

the toy stores inside the mall. now, trevor, i know, coming up in africa, you didn't really come up around shopping malls, - a-actually, we--we had some of the biggest shopping malls in the world. - yeah, yeah. no, no i'm talking about the ones with a roof. look, at our malls-- [laughter] we had this place, in our malls, "kb toys." mm! it was way better than toys"r"us, and parents loved it because they could leave their kids in there while they shopped! "now, little roy, i'm going to look for a nice dress "to leave your daddy in. "you stay here in the store." it was great, man! first of all, at kb toys, the thing that made it so dope is that you could play with the toys because you could [bleep] reach 'em! [laughter] and the cashier-- the cashier was cool as hell! dude, he didn't care if we were tearing up the toys, he was too busy trying to bang the girl over at spencer's gifts! [laughter] and even--even when he caught me shoplifting-- third grade, he caught me shoplifting. he didn't call the cops. he just looked me dead in the eyes and said,

"put the toy back before i beat yo ass with it." and you know what i did? i put it back, trevor. you gotta respect a man that's willing to whoop your ass with a plastic space shuttle. if that was toys"r"us, i'd still be in custody, man. - well, i will say this, the good news for toys"r"us is, they aren't closing, right? uh, they're using this bankruptcy to reorganize and start fresh. so, let me ask you this: you are a new parent, yourself. - yeah, a 16-month-old. - right, uh, how, uh-- [audience cheering] really beautiful kid, as well! - don't clap. it's expensive. [laughter] - how- how could toys"r"us attract you, as a parent, into their stores? - well, first of all, drive-through window. - oh, oh that's a good idea. so you can pick up online orders. - no, to drop your kids off. i got stuff to do, there's no time to find parking! - so, wait. you'd be cool just dropping your kids at toys"r"us? - right now, no, but it'd be nice if the giraffe learned cpr, that'd put me at ease. [laughter] i'd be alright with it, then. - well, it- it sounds like you just want toys"r"us to provide you

with free child daycare. - you wanna survive in this changing retail landscape or not? [laughter] you've gotta make drastic changes! - okay, like what else? - liquor license. [laughter] - come on, roy, man, what kind of toy store has a liquor license? - one that's not in bankruptcy! [laughter] if toys"r"us sold booze, i'd go there after work, kid or no kid. have a few beers, hop in a power wheels. man, that'd be nice! - roy wood jr., everyone! we'll be right back! - you're not helping. - let's go for a drink!

[mellow jazz] ♪ - ah. welcome to "cp time." the only show that's, for the culture. today, we look back at legendary black politicians. john lewis. shirley chisholm. barack obama. just a few of the icons

we won't be talking about today. instead, we look to those whose achievements are a little less appreciated by history. let's start with 2012 republican presidential candidate: herman cain. herman cain was a business man with a colorful personality and zero knowledge of world affairs. when they ask me who's the president of ubeki-beki- beki-beki-stan-stan, i'm gonna say, "you know, i don't know. do you know?" man tried to get elected by speaking gibberish. herman cain was ahead of his time. in fact, if not for herman cain, black men wouldn't be able to get on tv today wearing a cowboy hat while talkin' out the side of their face. - it is pitchfork and torches time in america! [audience cheering] now let's turn our attention to congressman robert smalls. a civil war hero who escaped slavery by stealing a confederate ship. some say that qualified him as being... off the chain.

moving on. let's turn our attention to alan keyes. another republican, and legendary politician. keyes ran for national office in 1988, '92, '96, 2000, 2004, and 2008. all he do is lose. like a bitch. the brother had determination. hell, i'd be embarrassed if i lost six national elections. hell, i'm embarrassed just walking through joann fabrics. i go at night. i make my own nightgowns. thank you very much. and finally, no discussion on black politicians would be complete without marion barry. barry was elected mayor of washington, d.c. in 1979. was he a good mayor? was he a bad mayor? nobody will ever truly know. all we do remember, is that the man smoked the crack. that's right. in 1990, mayor barry was arrested in a sting operation and caught on video smoking cracked cocaine. he said he'd get drugs off the street.

word is bond. it was our own damn fault for not asking him how. the city forgave him, and in 1994, he was re-elected with approval ratings as high as he was. the country was shocked. especially alan keyes. he was all angry. he was like, "what the [bleep] do i have to do to get elected? he's smoking crack over there!" barry went on to have other scandals. but if voters don't have a problem with you smoking crack, you basically have full immunity. that's why when i started this job, i showed up two weeks late. gotta set that bar low. now, nobody cares that i walk around the office in a nightgown. they admire the handiwork. i'm roy wood jr. and this has been "cp time." and remember, we're for the culture. check out my etsy page and purchase your very own custom civil rights nightgowns. see you next time. [audience applause]

farnsworth: oh, lordy lou! help! ooh! ah! i know you've rejected me a lot before, but frankly, i wasn't sure we were right for each other, either. but now i am! so how about a date tonight? sorry, i think i, uh, i think i left my toaster on. farnsworth: buddha! zeus! god! one of you guys do something! come on, leela. what's the real reason you won't go out with me? help, satan, you owe me!