♪ >> announcer: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live" game night. presented by zzzquil and subway restaurants. tonight -- martin lawrence. dikembe mutombo. and jimmy plays one-on-one with stepp stepp stephen curry. and now, from way downtown, here's jimmy kimmel. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hello everybody and welcome to our nba game night special tonight. game one of the finals between the miami heat and the san antonio. this is the most anticipated spurs/heat matchup since last year's spurs/heat matchup. [ laughter ] it's also the first finals rematch since 1998, which also happened to be the last time we looked up from our phones.

1998. so this is a rematch, and if they meet again next year, it's the three-match i guess. trademark that pat riley. [ laughter ] and since the teams are the same as they were in last year's finals, i decided i just -- i figured i'd just re-use my jokes from the nba specials we did last year. here's one, what do you think is more likely, the spurs winning the finals or paula deen being named godmother to kim kardashian's baby? [ laughter ] [ rim shot ] okay, i'll go with new stuff. you know they scheduled the series in an interesting way this year. they've never done it like this games one and two will be played in san antonio, and then, in the past, the series would move to miami for three games, then back to san antonio for games six and seven. this year, they're going to play games six and seven right after games one and two, and then they will move to miami for three, four, and five. i guess it's going to save the money on travel, but the spurs are a slight favorite to win the series. they have 4-5 odds to win. the spurs are old, they're an

old team, but they're tough. the only way to shut the spurs down is to ask them to program your dvr. [ laughter ] not only are the spurs favored by odds makers, they're favored by everyone. this is interesting. espn conducted a poll to find out which states are pulling for which team. and look at this. it turns out the only state that wants the heat to win is florida, where they play. [ laughter ] everyone else wants the spurs to win. even alaska doesn't want the heat, and it's very, very cold there. you know, the heat are just slightly less popular than donald sterling. [ laughter ] and there's no love lost between the players on these teams. lebron james said, "the spurs don't like us." he said he could sense it from tim duncan's comments over the last couple of days. of course they don't like you. you're the miami heat. nobody likes you. but maybe this will teach lebron the importance of sending an edible arrangement after you win a series.

oh hey, before we go any further, i promised a friend i would play a game with him. i forgot we had this special early show tonight, so if you don't mind, i'm kind of in the middle of something. dikembe! >> mutombo! [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you know what, i'll be right back. dikembe! >> mutombo! >> jimmy: dikembe! >> mutombo! >> jimmy: dikembe! >> mutombo! >> jimmy: excuse me. dikembe! >> mutombo! ♪ >> jimmy: dikembe! >> mutombo! >> jimmy: dikembe! >> oh watch it. >> jimmy: excuse me. dikembe!

>> mutombo! >> jimmy: dikembe! >> mutombo! [ car horn ] >> jimmy: have you seen my friend? has anybody seen my friend? where the [ bleep ] is this guy? [ laughter ] sorry. sorry. dikembe! >> mutombo! >> jimmy: i'd like to file a missing person's report. i can't find my friend and i've looked all over for him. >> what does he look like? >> jimmy: hard to -- do you have a piece of paper? maybe a pen? >> yes. ♪ >> jimmy: he looks like this. [ laughter ] >> uh, thanks. could you describe him?

>> jimmy: yeah he's, uh, 7'2", african gentleman. >> what is his name? >> jimmy: it's dikembe. >> mutombo! >> jimmy: dikembe? >> mutombo! >> jimmy: i'm sitting on his lap aren't i? >> i win again! yay! i win again, yay! >> jimmy: you always win. [ applause ] here, put this on and i'll hide. [ applause ] >> mississippi one. mississippi two. mississippi three. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i have until mississippi twelve. i could listen to him count mississippi's all night, i'll tell you. we have to take a break. we have a lot in store for you tonight. the spurs and heat aren't the only game tonight. later in the show i'm going to go one-on-one with stephen curry of the golden state warriors, and we'll be right back with martin lawrence.

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[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back to "jimmy kimmel live" game night. we are coming to you in primetime. in just a few minutes, i will challenge the enormous stephen curry of the golden state warriors to a game of basketball. he is much bigger than i am, but we have a twist to make it fair. a ridiculous twist, that'll be fun, and we have a new show later tonight following your late local news where our guests will be 50 cent, jenny slate, i will take on the 13-year-old winners of the scripps national spelling bee, and we'll have music from one republic too, so join us then. [ applause ] our guest tonight is not technically a professional athlete, but he was once mistakenly drafted by the raiders while wearing his big mamma costume. [ laughter ] he's a very funny comedian, an actor who returns to tv alongside kelsey grammer in the new show "partners." >> such strong features for a newborn. [ laughter ] >> give me that.

babies are beautiful gifts from god, okay? now this this baby -- oh damn! [ laughter ] oh -- you must be so proud. >> jimmy: "partners" premiers august 4th on fx. please say hello to martin lawrence! [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ]. >> wow. wow. man, i always love coming here, man. >> jimmy: i love having you here. it's very good to see you. >> thank you, you, too, jimmy. >> jimmy: who do you like in the finals? are you rooting for any team? >> i got to go with my man lebron and wade, man. i got to go with miami. >> jimmy: you know those guys? >> yeah, yeah, i know lebron.

i met him at my house. >> jimmy: oh you have? at your house? >> yeah, played him horse. my brother beat him. >> jimmy: is that right? [ laughter ] oh your brother must have been -- has he told everyone he knows? >> everybody. that's bragging rights. >> jimmy: you have a court at your house? >> i have a court at my mother's house. i have two courts. i have a court at my mother's house and i have an indoor court at my ranch in virginia. >> jimmy: wow. >> yeah. >> jimmy: is it -- >> and i have my starting five on the wall. >> jimmy: who are the starting five? >> magic johnson, larry bird, michael jordan, kobe bryant, lebron james. >> jimmy: wow. that's a pretty good starting five. [ applause ] okay, you're missing some positions. i would -- see, if i was -- if i had a court like that, i would put my face on there. i'd be right there in the center alongside lebron and magic. you know, i mean, because it is my court. >> right. well, i'm on the wall. >> jimmy: are you on the wall? >> yeah, i'm holding the ball. >> jimmy: are you really? >> yeah, and it says "welcome." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: is it a photograph or a painting?

[ applause ] do you have a lot of people over to play? >> every now and then. we have a group of guys that we play with each other all the time. we have fun. we battle, too, man. we battle. >> jimmy: do you get in fights? >> no. we don't get in fights or somebody might get slapped. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: oh, is that right? >> no, no, we get along. i mean, you know, we argue and stuff like that, but at the end of the day, we know we're best friends and we get along. >> jimmy: okay, all right, that's good. is it a full -- so you're running full court? >> no, we're too old for full. [ laughter ] we just do half court. we play three-on-three, four-on-four, something like that. >> jimmy: half seems like enough. if they had a quarter court, i think i'd be interested in that. [ laughter ] half is almost too much court. so, okay, that sounds like fun. >> yeah, it is. >> jimmy: yeah. and you spend a lot of time doing that sort of thing? >> a lot of time playing basketball. >> jimmy: do you go to the games? >> i do. every now and then when i can get a seat on the floor. if i can't get a seat on the floor, i don't go. >> jimmy: oh, really? >> because the best seat in the

house is at home. >> jimmy: yeah, right, on tv. >> you got to deal with the crowds and the people spilling beer on you and all of that. >> jimmy: so when you're sitting courtside, do the players talk to you as they go by? >> oh they might run by "marty mart!" [ laughter ] and they run by, "what's up?" you missing a dunk right now! [ laughter ] >> jimmy: so you say you will only go unless you have courtside seats. >> yeah, i mean, you know, for the most part, yeah. >> jimmy: what's your team? which team is yours? >> i really don't have a team, i'm an honorary piston though. >> jimmy: oh really? how did that happen? >> well, joe dumars wanted to recruit chris webber back in the day -- >> jimmy: okay. >> for the detroit pistons, so, he called me and asked, would i put together a comedy tape that would recruit him, to get him to come to the pistons. and i put together a comedy tape, and he didn't come. [ laughter ] so i guess it didn't work. >> jimmy: and yet you still were named an honorary detroit piston. >> and when they won the

championship, they sent me an honorary ring. >> jimmy: oh wow, they sent you a ring? >> yeah. >> jimmy: that's serious. >> yeah, that's real. >> jimmy: do you ever wear it? like when you're making love? >> no, it's too big. >> jimmy: oh, it is, okay. do you keep it? do you have a special -- >> yeah, i put it in a little jewelry box or whatever and every now or then take a look at it. >> jimmy: do your fellow honorary pistons know that you don't have any of them on your starting five, that they are not -- [ laughter ] that they are not represented? >> well, you know what? i was going to do a wall just for the detroit pistons, at my house -- >> jimmy: but you didn't. that's the point. [ laughter ] >> i didn't do it yet. now that they seeing this -- >> jimmy: yeah, you better get that up there. do you get anything as a result besides the ring? like, can you shower at the team facility if you want? >> yes. yes, yes. i mean, if i'm in town and everything, you know, they let us play -- >> jimmy: oh they do? >> yeah. >> jimmy: oh, that's pretty good. >> yeah, that's real cool. >> jimmy: yeah. >> because you feel like you're a pro then. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah except for the half court thing. yeah, you do. [ laughter ] now, how did you and kelsey

grammar wind up teaming up for this show? >> oh man, this is cool. kelsey is so, so cool to work with. well -- the show started with me, you know, lionsgate, you know, wanted to do a show with me. and i wanted to do a show. they called me, said, kelsey is interested in doing the show. can we get you two together? what do you think? i was like, "kelsey, that's a little different with his humor and my humor." >> jimmy: right. >> it's different though. yeah, let's try. >> jimmy: it's as different as it gets really. >> yeah, exactly. but i think y'all will love it. y'all have to tune into it. y'all will love it. >> jimmy: yeah it's coming out on august 4th, the premiere. [ cheers and applause ] will kelsey -- will kelsey be a part of the basketball shenanigans that go on at the house? >> oh, i don't know. if he wants to play, he's more than welcome. >> jimmy: do you think that he is going to want to play? >> i don't know. i don't know if that's his sport. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: don't count kelsey out, you really never know. i bet you didn't think he would do a show with you in the first place either. [ laughter ] well, it's great to see you. congratulations.

the show is called "partners." [ cheers and applause ] it premieres august 4th on fx. martin lawrence, everybody. we'll be right back with steppen curry versus me! >> announcer: portions of "jimmy kimmel live" game night are brought to you by cvs pharmacy and zzzquil, helping you get a good night sleep so you can be on point for all of the big good night sleep so you can be on point for all of the big games. it's not for colds, it's not for pain, it's just for sleep. because sleep is a beautiful thing™. ♪ zzzquil. the non-habit forming sleep aid from the makers of nyquil®. i travel a lot for business, and it's hard to leave these two. mom! my llama smells like you. i use tide plus febreze in the wash. it keeps their clothes and stuffed animals smelling fresher for longer. when are you coming home? just one more night. [ female announcer ] tide plus febreze. that's my tide plus.

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i'm watching this on the train. it's so hard to leave. good luck with everything. with the u-verse tv app, the u-verse revolves around you the u-verse revolves around you i remember that game when larry bird stole that inbound pass. me and my cousin randolph were watching it in my aunt's finished basement, and we had ran out of nutter butters. so i looked over and i said, "randolph, get some more nutter butters." and randolph was like, "no, i'm watching the game." so i said, "not no more you not", and i flicked off the tv. than then -- i blacked out, because randolph had hit me in the face with a two-liter bottle of mellow yellow. when i woke up, the celtics had won the game and randolph's cat was licking mellow yellow all off my stomach. damn you randolph! you're a punk!

[ laughter ] i was traumatized. [ applause ] >> jimmy: well, i never played professional basketball or college basketball or in high school or junior high school, but i know that if you believe in your dreams, you will wind up naked at work one day. or something like that. tonight, i will go one-on-one against an nba player and a very good one at that. please welcome all-star golden state warriors point guard stephen curry! [ cheers and applause ] >> good to see you. >> jimmy: thank you for being here. [ cheers and applause ] now, stephen, have you ever played against an out of shape talk show host before? >> this will be my first time so i'm excited, man. >> jimmy: now on the surface it may not seem like i will stand a chance against stephen, but we're about to even things out. we're about to level the field of play. stephen, it's time for you to spin the equ-wheel-izer.

[ cheers and applause ] each space on the equalizer has a disadvantage that will hopefully allow us to play as equals. now, let's go through the wheel. >> all right. >> jimmy: you may have to wear a giant neck cone like a dog. you may have to sit in an office chair while we play. you may be wrapped in bubble wrap. you may have to wear hulk hands. you may carry an egg on a spoon and not have to drop it. you may have to ride a tricycle, and again with the neck cone. stephen, are you ready to do this? >> i'm ready. >> jimmy: go ahead and spin the wheel. >> all right. >> jimmy: here we go. what are you hoping for? >> i want the cone, maybe the tricycle. it's the tricycle. >> jimmy: you will be riding the tricycle. you still want some of this? >> i want some, let's do this. >> jimmy: all right, when we come back, we'll find out if stephen will be forced to hide his head in shame forever. we'll be right back to play basketball. [ cheers and applause ]

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>> jimmy: welcome back to "jimmy kimmel live" game night. i am about to play one-on-one against golden state warriors guard stephen curry. to make things fair, stephen has spun the equalizer and now he is on a tricycle. and he has to play on the tricycle. here now, to call the action, the marvelous one, marv albert. marv? >> thank you jimmy, and welcome to tonight's one-on-one matchup between jimmy kimmel and steph curry. this will go down as a classic. we're ready to go. here's our lead official, jimmy's cousin sal, who is set for the tip. >> all right fellas, the rules are very simple. this game is to three.

if you make it you take it. if there's a defensive rebound, you have to take it back to the top of the key. steph, if you fall off the tricycle, it's a turnover and we will laugh very, very hard. ready? >> jimmy: all right, here we go. >> all right, here's the tip off. >> the opening tip to jim my kimmel. i don't know, steph curry has been working on that tricycle during the commercial break. first to three wins. oh, he lost it! he lost the ball. turnover by kimmel. steph just -- >> jimmy: look at this. >> trying to work the tip. >> jimmy: like a 3-year-old. >> now steph goes with the left hand. oh, offensive foul. that looked like a flop. i thought that was a flop. >> that was a flop! >> that could be a fine from the league. air ball. all right, i think steph is very

much alive here. trailing 1-0 and he's not taking any -- oh! yes! i think that will be the strategy. now jimmy, face guarding. >> jimmy: that's more like it. all right heeshgs we we go. >> tied at one. once again. oh, i think he -- [ cheers and applause ] impressive, jimmy is owning steph curry. 2-1. kimmel on top. can he win it right here? no. curry pulls it down. >> jimmy: yeah, get on your bike. get on your tricycle. it's not as easy as you thought it was. >> see this is the kind of trash talking that could get steph curry going. he moves in closer. oh, able to rebound! maintains possession. this is some of the finest basketball i have ever seen. >> jimmy: is it really marv, do you really mean that?

>> no. >> jimmy: no. all right. oh no. >> firing from deep. once again, jimmy kimmel with a chance to win. curry with the rebound. he's forgetting about the pedals. crowd getting behind steph curry of the golden state warriors. looking to go between the legs of kimmel, did not work. we may be here for some time. now here's kimmel with a hard looking drive. puts up for the jumper and goes glass. >> jimmy: was that not good? that was not good? >> that was off to the right, baby. >> jimmy: all right, here we go. >> 2-1. >> 2-1. who's winning? >> here we go. >> sizing him up. >> steph curry trying to tie things up. goes with the deep shot. >> jimmy: come on, everybody! air ball! >> audience: air-ball! >> jimmy kimmel trying to get the crowd revved up.

kimmel with the nice move, to the glass! game over! a 3-1 victory for jimmy kimmel over steph curry. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i'd like to think martin lawrence, tracy morgan, stephen curry, marv albert, dikembe mutombo, and i would like to apologize to matt damon, we have no more time for him. thanks for watching. good night! ♪

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