>> on election night. >> red, white and blue. >> cold in the morning probably? >> we do have those low clouds moving in as we hit tomorrow. i don't think it's going to be that thick in the south bay with 49 degrees. it's really going to be the east bay, san francisco and the north bay with the best chance of the low clouds tomorrow morning, and temperatures in the 40s. extended forecast, amazing right through this weekend. afternoon temperatures in the upper 70s and low 80s. okay. we've got a few more seconds. what do we got? look at this. this opens tomorrow. >> yay! >> we can't get rain in here, this will bring the holiday spirit. >> the ice that means the holidays are here. thanks for joining us at 11:00. our morning newscast is at 4:30 a.m. we'll have all the updated election results. >> we'll see you tomorrow. bye-bye. [ cheers and applause ♪ >> steve: from studio 6b in rockefeller center in the heart of new york city, it's "the tonight show starring jimmy fallon." tonight, join jimmy and his

guests - adam sandler jenny slate, comedian megan gailey, and featuring the legendary roots crew >> questlove: 1150 what! >> steve: and now, here he is, jimmy fallon [ cheers and applause ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause >> jimmy: thank you very much. hello, everybody hi [ cheers and applause welcome, everybody welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome to "the tonight show." that's right you're here.

[ cheers and applause you made it. thank you very much. guys, i'm very thrilled he's here adam sandler is my guest tonight! [ cheers and applause he stars in the new movie "uncut gems" and he's already getting some oscar buzz for his performance. i'd love to see him win an oscar, because if the orchestra tries to cut off his speech he'd be like - [ speaking gibberish ] [ laughter ] ♪ "shut up shut up! you might see it he's actually phenomenal in this movie, yeah this is exciting earlier tonight abc aired "the little mermaid live. [ audience oohs the production started off at "frozen", but thanks to global warming they had to change it to "the little mermaid." [ laughter ] let's get to some news the "new york times" just did a big story about the president's twitter. and it found that trump has sent over 2,000 tweets where he bragged about himself. [ light laughter ] americans are, "like that's ridiculous everybody knows instagram is where you brag about yourself. [ light laughter ] the article also had a pretty interesting tidbit it said that president trump actually wears reading glasses, but he doesn't like to be seen

in them. can we see him in his glasses? well, it's a bit much. [ laughter ] i can see that it's a bit much. it's a bit much. i saw that donald trump jr.'s new book is out today. it is called "triggered: how the left thrives on hate and wants to silence us. [ light laughter ] if you go to barnes & noble, it can be found in the ignored children's section [ laughter ] i feel bad for don jr. today he walked into the white house and said, "dad, i have a a new book." and trump was like, "oh, no, i lost my reading glasses. [ laughter ] ♪ she packed my bag last night pre-fligh and i'm going to be high ♪ guys, did you see this at a recent dinner, president trump tried to say "mike pence. but he had a little trouble saying mike pence. check this out >> chuck grassley was there and joanie ernst and -- and john thune and -- and mike pounds.

[ laughter ] >> jimmy: "ah you know, mike pounds was there. mike pounds. well, we noticed trump has trouble pronouncing things all the time so with that in mind, it's time to play "talk like trump." [ cheers and applause ♪ talk like trump talk like trump ♪ >> jimmy: this is how this works. i'm going to see if anyone can guess how the president is the going to mispronounce a simple word if you get it right, you get a a prize. if you get it wrong, you still get a prize. all right. raise your hand if you want to play "talk like trump. who -- yeah, yeah. come on, stand up, buddy how doing, pal what's your name >> i'm ryan. >> jimmy: ryan, welcome to the show our first clip, very simple. president trump is going to try to say the word "fund. how do you think that he'll mispronounce it? >> finned. [ laughter ] finned finned >> jimmy: that's really good, actually, yeah all right. let's see what happens

>> yet there in washington who would raid your health care to frund free benefits. >> jimmy: ah, frund. to frund sorry, you're wrong, but you still get a t-shirt. [ buzzer ] [ fog horn ] congratulations. sorry, you're wrong. [ cheers and applause ♪ thank you very much. who is next? who is next? who wants it come on. yeah, you there. i'll come to you i'm come to you. how are you? >> good, how are you >> jimmy: what's your name >> chloe >> jimmy: chloe, very good chloe, in this next clip, trump tries to say, "walks of life." how do you think he said walks of life? >> "walks a laugh. >> jimmy: "walks a laugh." >> yeah. >> jimmy: "walks a laugh." let's see what happens >> when evil showed its hideous face americans of all walks of lice - >> jimmy: wow. [ buzzer ] [ fog horn ] the correct answer was -- walks of lice was the -- here's your custom walks of lice t-shirt [ cheers and applause >> oh, thank you >> jimmy: thank you, chloe ♪ down here. who wants it yeah, get up

sure hi >> hi. >> jimmy: how are you doing, bud? >> good, how are you >> jimmy: what's your name >> riley >> jimmy: riley, where you from >> oklahoma. >> jimmy: hey, welcome all right, love it ah, in our final clip, trump - really that much for oklahoma love that. [ light laughter ] he tries to say "deserve." okay deserve. how do you think he'll pronounce the word "deserve? >> "dessert. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: it is trump, yeah. he likes food. so, yeah, dessert. let's see what happened. >> you have never stopped to working to improve this country and you -- a government. [ laughter ] [ buzzer ] [ fog horn ] >> jimmy: wow. he bailed -- he bailed real quick. i'm sorry. i gotta see that again dave, can you play that again? >> you've never stopped working to improve this country and you de -- a government [ laughter ] >> jimmy: there you go incorrect, but thank you for playing. very nice to meet you. [ cheers and applause ♪ let's get to the some jokes, here let's go ♪ some news about 2020

a new poll in iowa shows elizabeth warren in first, bernie sanders in second, pete buttigieg in third and joe biden in fourth. of course, iowa is a tough place for biden. for starters, all the corn is terrified of his teeth [ light laughter ] guys, november is here, and with thanksgiving right around the corner, people everywhere are -- ♪ hold up. what -- what's that? what's that, i'm - oh, right. who are you? ♪ i'm a spooky spider i'm a halloween fright with some safety tip this halloween night ♪ ♪ remember a flashlight wear reflective clothe and only trick or treat at the houses you know ♪ >> happy halloween [ cheers and applause >> jimmy: sorry. spooky spider. halloween was last week. today is november 5th. >> i see well, in that case -

♪ i'm a spooky spider i'm a political fright with some voting tip this election night ♪ ♪ beto o'rourke looks lik he's going to run ♪ >> jimmy: i'm sorry. i'm going to stop you right there, spooky spider not only did beto already announce he was running, he ran and he just ended his campaign like last week >> really? >> jimmy: yeah, yeah, yeah [ light laughter ] >> i'm way off >> jimmy: yeah >> what else, what else? the nationals may be headed to the playoffs >> jimmy: already. [ light laughter ] that already happened. already happened >> hot girl summer's a thing [ laughter ] >> jimmy: it's november, it's november >> i've got to figure out a better calendar situation, here >> jimmy: wait you use a one a day calendar to keep track of what is going on in the world >> a far side one a day calendar, yes. i like to start my day with the gentle jabs and jest of cartoonist gary larson [ light laughter ] but a few months ago i got one that was so funny, i couldn't bring myself to tear it off. here, look there's this family of cows, and they're standing there and -- it speaks for itself sort of a thinker, you know.

>> jimmy: yeah, i think it's time for -- i think it's time for you to go. [ light laughter ] >> delicious well, in that case ♪ i'm a spooky spider and as spider goes ♪ >> jimmy: no, no, no you can go bye, take care spooky spider, everybody [ cheers and applause ♪ hey check this out i saw that the mcdonald's happy meal is turning 40 [ audience oohs so now that it's 40, instead of being a happy meal, it's more of a self-reflective what does it all mean meal [ laughter ] you guys, there's a lot going on in the news right now but instead of me just telling you about it, i thought it would be nice to give you the chance to decide what to talk about. that's right, it's time for "you pick the joke." [ cheers and applause ♪ you pick the joke you pick the joke ♪ >> jimmy: so here's how it works. i'm going to show you two news stories, then you guys get to pick about which one we talk about. ready? here we go take a look at story number one. >> president trump names his new head of homeland security.

chad wolf will step into kevin mcaleenan's role as the new acting dhs secretary >> jimmy: okay here's story number two. >> two men are facing charges for trying to get an alligator drunk. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: all right, so which story do you want to talk about, one or two? >> audience: two >> jimmy: that's a good choice that's right two guys got arrested for giving beer to an alligator. they would have gotten away with it if the gator didn't run a red light on his way home. [ light laughter ] all right, here we go. when asked for a comment, the gator was like, "dilly, dilly. [ laughter ] all right. let's do another pair of stories. once again, you guys get to pick here's story number one. >> the number of jobs created by the u.s. economy in the month of october comes in at 128,000. that far outweighs the analyst estimates. >> jimmy: all right. [ light laughter ] here's story number two. >> three alleged drug smugglers were rescued from the pacific ocean. >> after they were found using their cocaine packs as floaties [ laughter ] >> jimmy: okay which story do you want to talk

about, one or two? >> audience: two >> jimmy: great choice, thank you. that's right, three drug smugglers were using cocaine as floaties it was crazy the rescue helicopter didn't drop a rope. they just jumped up to it. [ laughter ] all right. let do one last batch. it's your choice here's story number one. >> the pentagon picked microsoft over amazon for a massive government contract worth $10 billion. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: here's story number two. >> police recovered a stolen ring from a unique hiding spot turns out it was hidden in one of the suspect's butts [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: all right. which story do you - [ laughter ] which story do you want to talk about, one or two? >> audience: two >> jimmy: another great choice that's right, a guy stole a $100,000 ring and hid it up, you know, butt it got weird when his colon was like, "yes, yes, yes, a thousand times yes!" [ laughter and applause

guys, that was "you pick the joke." we have a great show give it up for the roots [ cheers and applause ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause >> jimmy: thank you very much, everybody. hello. hey, guys, just a reminder to tune in thursday night "the tonight show" is going back to college. we're partnering with samsung for a very special show from the campus of the university of texas at austin. >> steve: oh [ cheers and applause ♪ >> jimmy: matthew mcconaughey will be our guest, chip and joanna gaines will be there, and we've got music from gucci mane >> steve: whoa [ cheers and applause >> jimmy: that is all happening thursday night so get ready, texas. "the tonight show" is coming to town i can't wait it's going to be fun [ cheers and applause but first, we have a great show tonight. and, you know, i love this guy so much. he's one of my favorite humans of all time.

he stars in the film "uncut gems" and he's phenomenal, and he's getting crazy great reviews. it's a drama and he -- he's just amazing he's in the whole movie. it's all him he just runs away with it. he's so great. adam sandler is here tonight [ cheers and applause plus, very funny, i love her her netflix special "stage fright" is streaming now and her new book "little weirds" is out today. jenny slate is here. >> steve: oh, come on. [ cheers and applause >> jimmy: "little weirds." and we have great stand-up from the very funny megan gailey, everybody. look at that [ cheers and applause my dad -- "my dad paid for this." it's on itunes guys, you ever see a photo in the news and think, "oh, the headline could be much better? i'll show you what i mean. it's time for "news and improved." [ cheers and applause ♪ news and improved

>> jimmy: for example, check out this first photo original headline was, "trump highlights foreign policy wins." the headline can definitely be improved, because if you only looked at the photo, the headline could have been, "whole meeting held up because no one can turn on the projector. [ laughter and applause harder than it looks what button do you press check out this next photo. the original headline was, "giuliani named cyber security adviser. if you only looked at the photo, the headline could have been, "after four tries, man no closer to correctly spelling "necessary." [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause "n-e-c --" next headline was, "warren releases medicare plan." headline could have been, "mom tells kids when she says, 'get in the house now,' she means now! [ cheers and applause this next headline was, "romney pushes new plan. headline could have been, "co-workers discuss when boss threatened to fire everyone at the meeting while his fly was down." [ laughter and applause

hard not to laugh at that. up next this headline says, "bolton asked to testify." headline could have been, "dad tries on 40 pairs of reading glasses before going with the first pair he tried. [ laughter and applause >> steve: true >> jimmy: these are lighter. next headline was, "biden campaigns in iowa. headline could have been, "man's fairly certain he parked in section 6f, but doesn't see antenna with golf ball." [ laughter and applause >> steve: it is somewhere. >> jimmy: this headline was, "boris johnson misses brexit deadline." headline could have been, "augustus gloop files child complaint against chocolate factory. [ laughter and applause >> steve: "i'm suing." >> jimmy: next headline was, "sessions considers senate seat." headline could have been, "sneaky boy notices mommy left the treats on the counter where he could reach them. [ laughter and applause >> steve: i'm gonna have me a snack.

oh it's a bit of honey. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: sneaky boy finally, this headline was, "bernie sanders rises in polls. headline could have been, "last runner finally reaches finish line of new york city marathon." [ laughter and applause that's all the time we have for "news and improved." we'll be right back with adam sandler, everybody! [ cheers and applause ♪ today, molly got dressed for a big night out with her closest friends. sasha got dressed to crush her job interview. alex got dressed to present a big idea he's been working on for months. and our stylists helped millions of other americans get dressed for millions of other personal moments - big and small. at stitch fix we don't just see your size or style. we see you. stitch fix. personal styling for everybody.

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now what? ♪ last christmas follow me ♪ i gave you my heart you can't be in here! yeah we're leaving. -sorry. i like this man. what is he doing with you? look up. why me? it's always going to be you. ♪ this year you're the only person that makes me feel like i exist.

♪ [ cheers and applause >> jimmy: our first guest is one of the biggest stars on the planet he is starring in the film, "uncut gems," which opens on december 13th. please, give it up for one of my favorite people, mr. adam sandler ♪ [ cheers and applause ♪

>> jimmy: oh my goodness >> thank you so much >> jimmy: adam sandler [ cheers and applause >> thanks guys what's up? that felt nice >> jimmy: they love you. they love you, buddy >> love it >> jimmy: i got to say, congrats on this film, "uncut gems." >> thank you, pal. >> jimmy: this -- it's unbelievable it's getting insane reviews. "sandler's supernova presence radiates." variety. >> yes >> jimmy: some say, "it's a hell of a part and sandler aces it. "a career high." i mean, there's -- it's getting oscar buzz and -- >> yeah. >> jimmy: how's that feel? i want to ask you, like, are you, like, did you ever think you would get oscar buzz >> no. [ laughter ] no, no, no i think when i was young, i thought "billy madison" or something had a shot [ laughter ] and then i -- but they -- they took that away from me so i stopped dreaming. yeah >> jimmy: yeah who -- the directors are the safdie brothers. >> safdie brothers two great guys josh and bennie. man, are they good >> jimmy: god, this -- i saw their movie "good time." >> yeah, yes >> jimmy: robert pattison. and i just saw that movie.

and i go, "ooh." and it put a knot in my stomach. >> oh, me too. me too >> jimmy: so i was excited that you were working with these guys >> yeah. >> jimmy: and doing a dramatic roll so i was sitting here. this is a true story i was talking to lorne >> yeah. >> jimmy: lorne michaels who - >> yes >> jimmy: and he says, "i'm going to go see adam's movies. >> right, right. >> jimmy: some big film -- new york film festival thing you're a part of this film festival so i go, "great. i'll go. i go, "i have a double taping. it'll be great." he goes, "all right, i'll see you there. i go, "no problem. "you going?" i go, "yeah, can't wait. i go, "you waiting for me? he goes, "no, i'll meet you there. "okay, great." so he goes lorne goes ahead of me i do -- i double tape the show that night i get in the car i go down to lincoln center. go down this big theater, i go down someone brings me down open the doors giant theater full of people and i look for lorne they -- i see lorne's in the middle of the row with chris rock and ben stiller >> yeah, yeah, yeah. [ light laughter ] he - >> jimmy: no room for me no seats saved at all. [ laughter ] nothing. i go, "what -- guy, i mean, didn't we have a thing i mean, what's going on? so i go, "hey, what's up." and then i go, "all right, i guess i'll just sit. so i sat at the end of the row by myself. >> yes, yeah [ laughter ] >> jimmy: and so i was there next to woman. >> yeah. >> jimmy: and i said, "hi, nice to see you i'm very excited about this.

i'm a big -- so i'm, like, getting ready for the -- >> small talking [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah >> yeah. >> jimmy: so then the movie's about to start the lights go down a little bit. and this woman stands up and she leaves there's an empty seat. and who sits in the seat next to me? adam sandler >> that's right, baby. [ cheers and applause i saw you. i saw you. >> jimmy: the sand man the sand man came in >> i saw that his little heart broken eyes, "but nobody loves me." [ laughter ] and daddy showed up. and then -- can i tell them what you did to me >> jimmy: yeah, sure >> the -- he pulled the popcorn trick on me. [ laughter ] i couldn't believe it. jimmy, when you -- >> jimmy: no, no, no, no >> and it was the best popcorn i've ever eaten in my life >> jimmy: but it -- no how was i as the seat mate as a seat mate, how was i though 'cause i - >> you were the best guy to watch tis movie with by the way, you know jimmy's enthusiasm is incredible

and he -- if you sit next to jimmy, and you have a movie coming out, he is the proper man to make you think that you did a great job. [ laughter ] you were so -- this movie is very, like, it gets you a little upset and you're nervous throughout the thing. jimmy was so nervous and so excited. and every line i said, i'm watching the movie you know, i don't love watching myself but jimmy would grab me and be like, "oh, my god, i loved that." and i'd be like, "yeah, yeah that's right it was good, wasn't it?" [ laughter ] yeah, you made me feel top there, buddy >> jimmy: i honestly -- that was one of these movies i couldn't believe it. first of all, after, like, i want to say, five minutes into it, i don't see you anymore. i see this character that you're playing >> that's great. >> jimmy: is it harvey or howard >> howard. >> jimmy: howard >> howard ratner yes, yes >> jimmy: howard ratner. >> i looked different. i dress different. >> jimmy: you talk differently and everything -- and, like -- i just feel bad for this guy, man. >> oh, yeah. >> jimmy: and he's kind of a a gambler. and he works in the diamond district >> yes >> jimmy: which is right here on 47th street >> yes, yes, yes >> jimmy: did you get to hang out and meet those guys? >> i got to -- sure. i mean, i did research for the character. the safdie brothers brought me

there. and i got to know everybody on the block. and they all let me in their lives. and allowed me to work with them and -- you know, i didn't do any work. but i watched them work. [ light laughter ] and they taught me about jewelry. and they taught me about how they do say -- >> jimmy: but it's a tight knit family that -- >> yes, nobody get's in there. >> jimmy: it's a little -- no. >> it really is a cool block it's amazing when you go there it's just been the same for so long and they just -- it's family business and they -- they taught me a a lot. and i did -- this is -- if i can -- they -- i couldn't let the character go they gave me a loop. they gave me a loop. so when i shot the movie, i was so in -- excited about getting to know jewelry and stuff. and they gave me one of -- you know the loop thing? >> jimmy: that magnifies the - >> that magnifies the thing. and so, yeah i started looking at everybody's jewelry to see if it was good or bad [ laughter ] and then -- this is the weirdest thing i discovered. because of the loop, i have a penis. i had no idea. [ laughter ] i was so excited >> jimmy: congratulations. [ cheers and applause >> yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: congratulations. >> it felt cool.

>> jimmy: that's awesome yeah, that's fantastic >> thank you and, guys, it's also uncut [ laughter ] but i have to report to -- it's not a gem. [ laughter ] it was trying, though. >> jimmy: oh, my gosh. so i'm watching this thing and there are some funny scenes in it. >> yes >> jimmy: you have some good things but it is really riveting. and seriously, there is a knot in your stomach. and i'm watching your character. and i'm like, "oh, just don't do it man. just like, "oh, just go home, dude just go home just stop. what are you doing?" and you just push it and these directors are great. >> yeah. oh, yeah >> jimmy: the soundtrack is killer >> oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: and it just gets better and crazier and just awesomer. and now -- and the ending -- i don't want to tell anybody but it was so -- but anyways -- i'm happy. >> yes >> jimmy: last five minutes of the movie, you had to leave to go do a q&a. >> i know. i went -- i had to leave you but -- >> jimmy: i'm happy you did. >> i know. i know >> jimmy: 'cause i loved - >> we had -- we went to the party after, though. >> jimmy: yeah, what a great party that was >> they had a party at kat's delicatessen >> jimmy: it was great >> and everybody was, like, so funny. usually at a party after a a movie is a drink and celebration.

this was just people eating corn beef sandwiches [ laughter ] >> jimmy: biz markie was dj-ing >> biz markie was incredible yeah, yeah, yeah >> jimmy: it was great it was such a fun party. >> it was fun. >> jimmy: and i got to meet these guys from the film that are, like, real people >> oh, yes, yes. >> jimmy: they're not actors they're kind of characters in real life. >> they're characters, yeah, yeah they're a lot of the people from the jewelry district are in it. and then there are some guys after me in the movie who are -- the safdie brothers are really into the right cast and who has the right look and there are all these -- a a lot of them weren't actors and these guys who beat me up in the -- i get beat up throughout the movie a lot 'cause i owe money and stuff but these guys who were beating me up were really good guys. but they didn't ever do a movie before so there was a stunt coordinator who would say, like, "you know, you don't have to really choke at him." [ laughter ] you know, it was like -- and then they were all like, "yes. nodding along nice and, like, "you know, this looks like you're choking him. and they were like -- they

literally didn't hear anything the guy was saying [ laughter ] and they would talk to me like they love me say like, "'mr. deeds' was incredible." i was like, "oh, thanks, man." and then, "action. and then just full choke [ laughter ] and i was, like, trying to tap out. i'm punching the roof. and they're like, "adam's in character. and i was like, "no, i really am getting choked right now. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: it is unbelievable and i just -- i gotta say, dude, i just love seeing every single thing you do. i followed your career through everything but -- and the comedy special was great you had this year. "snl" was fantastic. >> thanks. >> jimmy: you hosting -- that was great. >> you being on there with me was sweet. >> jimmy: no, that was great >> thank you >> jimmy: but this thing is like -- dud, you deserve all the praise for this. >> thanks, buddy >> jimmy: "uncut gems. adam sandler, everybody. >> aw, thank you, guys [ cheers and applause >> jimmy: well dome, buddy thanks for coming here adam sandler, everybody. [ cheers and applause "uncut gems" opens in theaters on december 13th more "tonight show" when we come back. stick around, everybody. [ cheers and applause ♪

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♪ [ cheers and applause >> jimmy: our next guest has her very own netflix special called "stage fright," which is streaming now. she's also written a new book called "little weirds," which came out today ladies and gentlemen, please welcome jenny slate! [ cheers and applause ♪ ♪ >> jimmy: we love you, jenny slate. come on. welcome back welcome back to our program. we love the jenny slate, and i've got to say, get ready for more applause. because congratulations on your engagement you just got engaged [ cheers and applause ♪ wow. double high five i just met him back stage. ben. >> yeah. >> jimmy: very good-looking guy. >> yes

>> jimmy: tall -- tall drink of water. >> yes >> jimmy: yeah >> he's a cutie -- cutie pie >> jimmy: he's a cutie pie >> yeah. >> jimmy: how did he -- how did he do it >> that's private. i want to go >> jimmy: no, jenny, no. it's a talk show so come on. >> i don't want to do it >> jimmy: jenny. >> well -- okay. [ laughter ] no, i really want to do it so we were in france, which is a very romantic country. >> jimmy: stop right there >> yeah, because they invented french kissing [ laughter ] that's the tongue. they lost it >> jimmy: oh, my god >> yeah, french kissing. >> jimmy: yeah >> so, we were in france >> jimmy: it's very romantic place, yes >> yeah, just tonguing it down >> jimmy: no >> sorry [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's not what i meant. not what i meant >> i'm making myself blush weirdly. this is really weird [ laughter ] okay so we were in france, and as it happens when you're in france, we came upon an abandoned castle [ laughter ] this happened to me. this is not a lie. >> jimmy: this only happens to people like you. >> yes, totally, that's right. [ laughter ] so, yeah

so we get to the castle, and it's like, "oh, it's locked," but then, of course, we push the gate, because we're curious. and it's like -- [ laughter ] "agh," you know, like a little bit, and it's like, "well, you're usually not supposed to do that. you know, like in "beauty and the beast," or whatever, you shouldn't. but so, we go in there and there are these four old french people having a picnic, which is very dear and darling, and we were like, "maybe we should just sneak past them, and, you know, because they will kick us out or something." but then, i said, "but, what if they're the people that unlocked it and they don't know we're here, they'll lock us in." and then, you know, and then very rugged, was like, points to a really high castle wall and was like, "oh, well could you scale the wall?" [ laughter ] like, if we get locked in, and i was like, "well, i'm in a party dress and kitten heels and i'm also me, the person that you've known. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: so can i scale a a wall >> so the answer is no yeah >> jimmy: no, i can't scale a wall >> can't scale a wall. >> jimmy: so you're in an abandoned castle >> an abandoned castle we tell the old people, we're like, "hi, we're here. can we have a picnic?" >> jimmy: they all turn around and they're all pennywis >> they're like, "eh."

>> jimmy: "ah! [ laughter ] yeah, they're holding balloons [ laughter ] >> yeah. [ indiscernible >> they were like, "eh." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's your french >> they were like -- [ indiscernible >> jimmy: yeah >> yeah, and we were like -- [ indiscernible [ laughter ] so we started to have a picnic i had chosen many of the groceries for the picnic, which means that it was just like all salami [ laughter ] >> jimmy: is that right? >> i love a sausage. >> jimmy: me, too. [ laughter ] well, i mean like a -- [ cheers and applause charcuterie, yeah. >> yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah totally. >> jimmy: different types of meat >> yeah, yeah. i just like a big, like, delicious sausage. [ laughter ] but anyway, so -- so, i'm eating the sausage >> jimmy: okay >> and he starts to sort of -- and this - [ laughter ] >> jimmy: all right, all right and then - >> and then -- >> jimmy: and then -- okay hey, stop, stop, stop, hey [ laughter ] stop, stop, stop >> guys, i'm in a sweater vest >> jimmy: okay, hello. [ laughter ] sorry about that >> so i'm eating the sausage, the sun is setting, he's holding my hand.

he's saying, you know, these beautiful things to me >> jimmy: mm >> and all of a sudden, i'm like -- he's like, "jenny, you mean so much to me [ gasps i love you so much," i'm like "he's about to propose to me!" [ laughter ] and you know, like, i can feel it coming. i'm like, "i can't believe this is happening to me." it's really going to happen. i had a moment to kind of, like, calm myself. i could have been like the audrey hepburn of the situation like very demure >> jim: yeah >> and so he's like, "will you be my wife?" [ gasps and, of course, at that moment, when i could have been like, "yes," or whatever [ laughter ] >> jimmy: "yes." >> i have somehow nervously stuffed, like, all of the sausage into my mouth. [ laughter ] and i'm like, "yes!" [ laughter and applause >> jimmy: sausage coming out of your mouth >> yes, just sausage, like, dangling, like, you know how they're like connected by a string >> jimmy: ew, no >> one hanging out [ laughter ] yeah i'm like, "i will be your wife!" >> jimmy: "forever." >> "now you said it, you have to do it." and then it's like - [ laughter ] it's like when howard dean was like -- "oh! [ laughter ]

oh, man. >> jimmy: oh, my gosh. congratulations. that's a good memory >> thank you very much >> jimmy: that's a good memory >> beautiful memory. >> jimmy: yeah >> yeah. >> jimmy: very, very long, long time together, you guys. >> yeah. >> jimmy: i want to talk about "little weirds." >> yes >> jimmy: i love this. can you explain why is the title "little weirds"? >> well, in the book, there are 48 small pieces and some of them are, like, sort of like essays or some of them are just like wishes. and i wrote them all and gave them to my editor and she said, "i like this i think that this is a book but i don't know what it is, and - and what is it?" and i said, "well, it's just all of my, like, little weirds that i have. and so, jean, my editor said, "well, that's what we're going to call your book. >> jimmy: "little weirds." >> and so that's what it's called, "little weirds." >> jimmy: and that's how come up with this, right? >> yes [ cheers and applause yes. >> jimmy: it's super funny, and it's very, very creative like you are >> thank you >> jimmy: i want to talk about your special on netflix right now. >> yes >> jimmy: "stage fright. >> yeah. >> jimmy: this is -- i loved it because it's not only just standup but it's also -- you have -- your family does interviews

>> mm-hmm. >> jimmy: and actually talks about you and stuff. was it hard to your family to talk about you >> you know, they all have like a different mode like, my mom, reflecting on it, i was like, "she's like the sarah huckabee sanders of our family." like - [ light laughter ] she just won't admit that it happened like, even if someone was like, "so, nancy, jenny robbed a a bank, you know, and she took all the money," she'd be like, "that bank was already on fire [ laughter ] you're rude for saying the bank was even there, and now, fires are going to be set and it's going to be your fault." [ laughter ] like, she just would not - she, like, wouldn't say anything bad about me, whereas, my dad somehow dug in super hard, really immediately, and was like, "jenny experiences despair. [ laughter ] and it was like, "oh!" >> jimmy: "wow." >> "wow, this is a comedy special. they also asked me for my netflix passwords on camera during the interview for the netflix bit. >> jimmy: that is such a mom and dad thing to do. >> yeah, they were like, "well, how are we going to watch it well, what's your password?" i was like, "maybe, let's just talk about it later. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: let's just lie and

say that we already have accounts >> yeah. >> jimmy: we all have separate accounts, mom and dad. >> yeah. >> jimmy: i want to show everyone a clip. here's jenny slate talking about going to a midnight christmas mass >> oh. >> jimmy: for the first time in her netflix special, "stage fright. take a look at this. >> you know, the synagogue that i went to when i was a kid looked like a chinese restaurant from the '70s without windows. it was like such a bummer, and i went into this place and it was like -- i was like, holy [ bleep ]. like, churches are just beautiful little castles for god. like, this is gorgeous [ laughter ] but everyone in there was, like, dressed in red and green, and like, then, the guys came out, the priests - [ laughter ] and they had the incense and they are like, "what dang!" [ laughter ] everyone's dressed up. and, like, they sing the songs and like weirdly, i knew some of the songs because they're like in our culture. [ laughter ] but even when i didn't really know the words, i could still be like -- [ vocalizing ] and everyone was like, "yeah." [ laughter ] like, just like the best mood. like, the christians are in the best moods

>> jimmy: that's right come on. [ cheers and applause jenny slate, everybody "stage fright" is currently streaming on netflix "little weirds" is available now. megan gailey will perform a stand-up for us next stick around jenny slate. [ cheers and applause ♪ my joints... they hurt. the pain and swelling. the psoriasis. cosentyx treats more than just the joint pain of active psoriatic arthritis. it even helps stop further joint damage. don't use if you're allergic to cosentyx. before starting, get checked for tuberculosis. an increased risk of infections and lowered ability to fight them may occur. tell your doctor about an infection or symptoms, if your inflammatory bowel disease symptoms develop or worsen, or if you've had a vaccine or plan to. serious allergic reactions may occur. get real relief, with cosentyx.

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found by the hounds. ♪ back in baby's arms ♪ [ cheers and applause >> jimmy: our next guest has her comedy album "my dad paid for this" available at -- at apple music. making her "tonight show" debut, please welcome the very funny megan gailey [ cheers and applause

♪ ♪ >> thank you thank you. okay awesome news i'm engaged. [ cheers and applause all right. not everybody clapped, i saw [ laughter ] that's okay. that's fine. whenever people don't clap for that, i'm like, "oh, i guess they wanted to sleep with me [ laughter ] and your days are numbered." [ laughter ] when you get engaged, people ask you the same stupid questions over and over again. everyone is like, "were you surprised? "no. [ laughter ] but i was happy," and they're like, "boo [ laughter ] you should have been surprised. [ laughter ] it's like if you propose to someone and they are shocked, that's a bad sign. [ laughter ] if they are tip-toeing on the gazebos, they don't like you [ laughter ] and then, they are like, "how

did you know how did you figure it out? i'm smarter than him [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause that's it. like, i plan everything in our lives. you're not going to pull a fast one on me. [ laughter ] men are so clunky, too he asked for my dad's phone number [ laughter ] it's like, "okay, well, they're not sexting. [ laughter ] then, they want to see the ring that's the next thing, and no matter, they go, "he did such a good job." [ laughter ] it could be the ugliest thing they have ever seen. [ laughter ] and they will say he did such a good job [ laughter ] and it's like, "i did this." [ laughter ] i built this thing from the ground up. [ laughter ] and now, he's getting credit for it [ laughter ] there was an entire folder on my mom's phone [ laughter ]

like, he may have financed it, but i'm the architect. [ laughter and applause if this was a building, my name would be on the side of it [ laughter ] he doesn't know anything about rings or weddings. he proposed to me in a shirt that said mt. dunkmore [ laughter ] you think he knows rose gold looks good on potato famine skin i don't think so [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause my fiance is a hip-hop filipino [ cheers ] if you know, you know. [ laughter ] for those of you that don't know, a hip-hop filipino, if you went to high school with someone and they, like, loved break dancing -- [ laughter ] but their dad was a surgeon, okay [ laughter ] like he has a gold necklace but he's allergic to it. [ laughter ] we don't have any kids we're going to get married

we're going to have kids i'm an aunt, obviously you can tell from this manic energy [ laughter ] aunts without any of their own children are the scariest people alive [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause there they are people are like, "no, it's dog people it's incels. no, it's women who's screensaver is a baby they didn't give birth to [ laughter and applause that's a crazy person. and the thing is we don't want to be this way we want to be cool we want to be chill, but for some reason, that gets to be uncles and you know what? uncles have had it too good for too long [ cheers and applause uncles don't do anything they show up they talk to the kid for 30 seconds they wreck the whole house, and then, everybody is like, "what a good guy [ laughter ] what an awesome role model." i saw a guy recently wearing a a hat that said, "funcle." [ laughter ]

we don't have that i can't wear a hat that says "faunt." [ laughter ] if you're a fun aunt, you're a a cautionary tale. [ laughter ] they're like, "yeah, go spend spring break with her and then come back and tell us why she's alone. [ laughter ] uncles always get to be cool in movies when we're in movies, we're just drunk dancing alone at weddings [ laughter ] spilling pinot grigio on toddlers [ laughter ] going like this to deejays and they're like, "i can't move. [ laughter ] and then, we do crazy things this perpetuate the stereotype that we're insane. like, you'll see a baby in a a onesie that's like, "if you think i'm cute, you should see my aunt. [ light laughter ] that onesie should just say, "somebody bang my aunt." [ laughter ] she's having a tough year. [ laughter and applause

thank you guys so much [ cheers and applause >> jimmy: oh, my gosh. ♪ oh, hey. oh, my gosh. potato famine skin. megan gailey [ cheers and applause that's how you do it download "my dad paid for this" at apple music now we'll be right back, everybody [ cheers and applause ♪

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and the roots right there from philadelphia, pennsylvania [ cheers and applause stay tuned for "late night with seth meyers. thank you for watching have a great night hope to see you tomorrow bye-bye, everybody [ cheers and applause ♪ p [ cheers and applause

[ cheers and applause ♪ >> announcer: from 30 rockefeller plaza in new york, it's "late night with seth meyers. tonight -- kristen chenowith -- from "tom clancy's jack ryan" actor michael kelly -- writer and activist sinead burke - featuring the 8g band with brendan buckley. ♪ [ cheers and applause ladies and gentlemen, seth meyers. >> seth: good evening, i'm seth meyers. this is "late night. how's everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause that is wonderful to hear. in that case, let's get to the news the eu ambassador reportedly told house impeachment investigators w