as long as we live it's you and me, baby there ain't nothin' wrong with that we're movin' on up movin' on up to the east side movin' on up to a deluxe apartment in the sky we're movin' on up movin' on up to the east side movin' on up

we got a post card from mr. bentley. we haven't heard from him since he was transferred. dear mr. and mrs. j. and florence, when i found out that my lady friend francine was an ambassador's wife, i was afraidher husband would transfer me to some place terrible. i was wrong. i'm nestled in the mountains of the soviet union. [doorbell rings] i'll write you a letter when my hand heals. francine broke my heart, but her husband broke my thumbs. oh, excuse me. sammy!what are you doin' here?

into bentley'sapartment? no, it's my apartment. come inand meet everybody. this is my wifelouise. hello. hi. this is my ulcerflorence. hello. this is sammy gelson. he wrote thatvalentine's song i sang. really? it's a beautiful song. oh, thanks. i had a heck of a time finding a word that rhymed with weezy. believe me, it wasn't easy. what are youdoing here, sammy? i wanted to ask a favor. could i leave something here while my furniture's being arranged? of course, sammy. oh, good. i appreciate this.

careful there. put it right over there. isn't it a beauty? yes. look how well it goes with my new furniture. that baby's been with me for years, almost as long as my beautiful wife agnes. you told me about her. we got to meet her. she ain't got no teeth. how charming. would you like to see her picture? yeah. you want to take a lookat my wife? louise, don't be upset.

i like your furniture. sammy, is the love-songbusiness boomin'? well, not exactly. i've sold out. i'm making a fortune writing jingles. commercials?which ones? i wrote the jingle for boot hill bug spray. boot hill bug spray! i love that tune. it is one of my jumpier numbers. that's the onethat really got me started. boot hill bug spray here's the plan if the spray don't kill 'em, crush 'em with the can boot hill pssst! i'm crazyabout that song, but if we're talkin'commercials, this is my favorite.

on that shirt you got for christmas, and you're thinkingof slitting your wrists, miss? hold on, 'cause you can take your dirty clothes to cunningham he's your man cunningham take your dirty clothes to cunningham and they'll come back cunning clean you know it! know it? i wrote it. oh, sammy, it's so catchy. you know cunningham is my biggest competitor. oh, i'm sorry, george. excuse me. i've got things to do. i got laundryto finish. maybe we ought totake it to cunningham. he's your man. cunningham take your dirty clothes to cunningham he's your man cunningham take your dirty clothes to cunningham

traitors. sammy, i want you to write a better jingle for me. i'm not in the moodto write today. i'll help you along. give me a note. what key? i don't know. a black one. don't go to cunningham he's a bald, incompetent jerk he clean and cleans and cleans all day but he never ever works well, what do you think? it stinks. that's why i need you. hit it, sammy.

hey, i like that! "we beg for business." sammy, you're a genius. it's agnes, george. my agnes. she left me, george. she ran awayand left me. oh, my god, sammy, i'm sorry. now, about my jingle... i can't write. i can't do anythingwithout agnes. you look at me and say,"there's a happy guy," but inside beats a heartfilled with pain. but, sammy-- all i want to do is go home, unpack agnes' teeth, and remember the good times. hey, sam, wait. why don't you bring her teeth over here? i got a water pik. damn!

crying in his apartment 'cause hisugly wife left him. very sensitively put, george. poor sammy. he must be miserable. it's terrible to be alone, to be without someone to share things with, without someone to listen to you talk. wouldn't that be terrible? george? huh? i'm sorry, weezy. i wasn't listenin'. i decided i'll help sammy over his tough period. he's callin' for help, and george jefferson is pickin' up the phone. and doing what with it? i'll tell sammy to get ready. to get over an old woman, get a new one, right? i don't think so.

we're going to a singles' bar. that's nota good idea either. that place is crawlin' with desperate women. any man will do. i'm going with you. somehow i knew you would. florence, i'm going to a singles' bar tonight. finally goingto get yourselfanother man, huh? just remember this. you already had dark.

there's a lot of action here. let's go home. give the place a chance. george, look around.

beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. behold that over there. if i wasn't married, i'd... you'd what, george? i'd wish i was... to you, sweetheart. well, sammy, check it out. go talk to her. what will i say? you'll think of somethin'. hi. want to see a picture of my wife? i'll be right here if you want to chat. george, she wasn't for me. there's no magic there.

pictures of your wife. if that's their attitude, i'm going home. just ask somebody to dance. i don't know what to say. say, "hey, do you want to dance?" sure, sugar.

see? there's nothin' to it. it's easy for you, but i have troublemeeting people. look over there. that girl is starin' at you. why? she likes you. why? i don't know. can't you see that look in her eyes? can't you see what her eyes are sayin'? no. they're saying, "take me, you stallion." what elseare they saying? they're saying, "look, the stallion is talking to a jackass." are they sayinganything else?

george, why don't you let sammy get over agnes in his own time? because i reservedthe air time for the jinglesammy's going to write. so you're using sammy. you're trying to squeeze a jingle out of him. put it like that,i sound like a bad guy. don't you realize getting a jingle isn't that important? it's only money. only money? that's somethin'that poor peopletell each other so they cansleep at night. i'm going to the ladies' room. take this pen with you. write sammy's numberon the bathroom wall. sammy, how did you make out? she thinks i'm cute.

she invited meto her place. not bad. it's goingto cost me $100. not bad. george, there's nobodyfor me except agnes. wait a minute. hey, bartender. what can i do for you? my friend is having trouble meeting women. no kidding. you're here every night, so i figure you can spot desperate women. i can always spota hungry woman. take a look around. can you see one that's really starvin'? yeah. her. what? she's wearinga wedding ring, but she's got"hi ya, sailor" written all over her.

george! what's the matter? you're not allowed t0 leave the house anymore, and stay away from the docks! can we leave now? sammy, somethin' will come along. hi. got a light? sorry, i don't smoke. neither do i. i wanted toset my hair on fire. i know what you mean. i'm not having fun here either. oh, that's too bad. my beautiful wife, she ran away with another man. what am i doing here? i'll never be able to replace agnes. this was a terrible idea. nice meeting you. hey, sammy.

everybody here is so weird. let me go home. agnes was the best. once you've had the best, nothing else will do. listen to me, please. it's not natural for a man to spend his life with one woman. [clears throat] except you, sweetheart. agnes wasn't perfect,but after 30 years, you get accustomedto a woman's faults. don't i know it! i mean, how would i know it, sweetheart? i'm going to get ready for bed. and george... i'll be waiting up for you. what for? nothing, as usual,

i don't wantto burden you. that's what friends are for. we are friends, right? so let me burden you. give me a jingle. think music. yeah. now, think jefferson cleaners. jefferson cleaners. jefferson cleaners, they're the best terrific! now what comes to mind? i rememberhoneymooning with agnes in a cabin by the woods. any dry cleaners in those woods? we were sipping wineby a crackling fire, listening to the windrustling through the trees. agnes lookedin my eyes and said, "uncle miltie's on."

"let's watch him." oh, god, what a night! what did i doto drive agnes away? agnes ran out on you, and you're takin' the blame. it couldn't have beenagnes' fault. it was her fault. it wasn't you that said, "tho long, agneth." it was her that said, "tho long, thammy." you loved her for 30 years, and she stomps on you. oh, that hussy! instead of bein' mad at her, you're blamin' yourself. well, not anymore. i've got my pride.

oh, so long, agnes so long you were wrong, agnes so wrong you played mefor a fool how could you beso cruel? so long, agnes so long hey! so long, agnes so long now i'm strong, agnes so strong i want to get across that baby,it's your loss so long, agnes so long one more time! so long, agnes so long sammy! you can write again. you're right! i can feel the powersurging through me. there's nothingi can't do. write me a jingle. i can't. why?

there's a clausein my contractwith cunningham. i can't write jinglesfor his competitors. i'm sorry. you were a broken wreck. i put the gleam back in your eye. i put the song back in your heart. i'll never forget it. you're aceswith me, fella. you know, i feel like a new man. from now on, it's the fast lane for me. look out, world, here comes sammy gelson! there's a lot of fish in the sea, and i'm going to charter me a tuna boat. there's something i want to say. i'm proud to be your neighbor.

what's the matter, mr. jefferson? are you sad? yeah. maybe this will cheer you up. take your dirty clothes to cunningham cunningham captioning performed by the national captioning institute, inc. captions copyright 1982t.a.t. communications company

well, we're movin' on up movin' on up to the east side movin' on up to a deluxe apartment in the sky we're movin' on up movin' on up to the east side movin' on up we finally got a piece of the pie fish don't fry in the kitchen beans don't burn on the grill took a whole lot of tryin' that hill get up just to now we're up in the big leagues gettin' our turn at bat

it's you and me, baby