uh, blue... yellow...red... how about green? i think green is kind of whoreish. (pam) this was tough. i suggested we flip a coin, but angela said she doesn't like to gamble. of course, by saying that, she was gambling that i wouldn't smack her. these are my party-planning bee-otches. pulled off an amazing '80s party last year. off the hook! (michael) so i was thinking, if you haven't already gotten a cake, um, maybe go in for one of those ice cream cakes from baskin robbins. they're very good. very delicious. meredith's allergic to dairy, so... she's not the only one that's going to be eating it, right? and i think everybody likes ice cream cake. it's not, uh... not just about her, so... it is her birthday-- mint chocolate chip! would be good. how about some... mint chocolate chip? hey. so, listen, i was thinking that it might be a good idea

if you and i formed an alliance. 'cause of the downsizing... i think an alliance might be a good idea. you know, help each other out. do you want to form an alliance...with me? absolutely i do. good, good, excellent. okay, now we need to figure out who's vulnerable and who is protected... there may be-- (jim) at that moment, i was just so happy. i mean, everything dwight does annoys me. did you get your tickets? to what? the gun show. [laughs quietly] and i spend...hours thinking of ways to get back at him, but only in ways that would get me arrested. and then here he comes and he says, "no, jim, here's a way." and there's one other thing, and this is important: let's keep this alliance totally a secret. [whispers] yeah.

don't tell anyone. an alliance? (jim) oh, yeah. what does that even mean? i think it has something to do with survivor, but i'm not sure. um... [laughs] i know that it involves spying on people, and we may build a fort in accounting-- jim. hey. hey. hi, pam. listen, could i talk to you for a second about the... paper products? did you tell pam about the alliance? what? no-- just now! oh, no, no, no, no. dwight, no. i'm using her, for the alliance. (jim) who knows the most information about this office? pam. right. that's good. good. pursue this. well, i'm trying to. mm-hmm. do you see what i'm doing? mm-hmm. but listen, i'm gonna have to talk to her a lot. all right? and there may be chatting and giggling. and you gotta just pretend to ignore it. wipe it away. done. all right. the physical damage was pretty bad. the emotional toll was even worse. our daughter had nightmares. what that robber really took from us

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chili's. more life happens here. sh she's right there. that is meredith. the birthday girl. and this... is meredith's card. "happy bird-day." [laughs] um, let's see...jim. jim wrote: "meredith, i heard you're turning 46. "but, come on, you're an accountant, just fudge the numbers." not bad. pretty funny. i don't appreciate condoning corporate fraud, though. uh, here's the thing. whatever i write here has to be really, really funny. because people out there are expecting it. i've already set the bar really high. (michael) and they're all worried about their jobs, you know? it's kinda dark out there. can you imagine if i wrote something like, uh, "oh, meredith. um, happy birthday. you're great. love, michael." [scoffs] [gags]

[laughs] they seem awfully chummy, don't you think? yeah. what do you think that's about? only one way to find out. i'm on it. you are not going to believe this. what? i believe it. well, tensions were high in the kitchen. i could tell from the body language. hey, that looks good. what is that, turkey? italian. oh, italian. nice. wow. you got the works there. red onion, provolone. yeah. (jim) toby and kevin, they're trying to get angela kicked off. good. let 'em. that's fine. it helps our cause. well, i don't know. because if kevin's in accounting, yeah... and toby's in human resources, and they're talking? oh...they're forming an alliance. i love their sandwiches. i love their sandwiches too. yeah, their bread's really good. their bread is very good. damn it! god! rrrrrrr! [car alarm] okay, listen. we need to assume that everyone in the office is forming an alliance,

and is therefore trying to get us kicked off. god damn it! why us? because we're strong, dwight. because we're strong. meredith, meredith. mary...mary had a little lamb. mary...meredith had a little lamb. don't bring that lamb to work, or it'll poop on the floor-- [door knocks] hey! oscar. c'mon in, what's up? uh, i'm sorry to bother you. oh, not at all. come on in. what's goin' on? my nephew is involved with, um, a charity for cerebral palsy. and i was wondering if maybe you'd like to... you know... what? uh, donate to the charity. oh, god. of course i would. pshhh. get it over here! get that over here. thank you. you know, i'm always good for some serious buckage. wow. two dollars? three dollars? people out here do not care about...diseases. i'm going to give you $25. that's...that's...

that's very generous. oh, my gosh. well, listen, oscar. generosity, and togetherness, and community, all convalescences into...morale. that's what i say, so... [clicks tongue] (pam) hey, jim. can i talk to you for a second? sure. what's up? um, i don't know. i'm just, like, going a little crazy. 'cause i keep overhearing all of these conversations between michael and corporate about, like... staff issues. oh, no. yeah. he's making me take notes on these meetings, and i'm like, "these people are my friends," right. but he's all like, "this is confidential, you can't tell anybody." but i don't know, i just feel like i wanna-- just promise me you're not gonna say anything? i will not... i'm not gonna tell anybody. okay. this is between you and me. yeah. jackpot. (jim) that was beautiful. all her idea, too. awesome. she's so great.

you wanted to see me? uh, yeah. what do you know about meredith? i don't think she'd be missed. there's not going to be downsizing, dwight, okay? i just--i need to know a little bit more about... my friend. name: meredith palmer. uh, personal information: divorced twice, two kids. uh, employer: dunder mifflin paper, inc. awards: multiple dundies-- i know all that. i-i know all that. i just--i need something kind of embarrassing, you know? kinda fun, inside... she had a hysterectomy. which one is that again? it's where they remove the uterus. oh, god, dwight, no! i'm trying to write something funny here, okay? what am i gonna do with a removed uterus? it could be kind of funny. you know what? i am on a deadline here. and, just--okay. thanks, thanks for your help. i'll work it out. thank you, dwight. okay, here's the deal. all right. pam says that one of the alliances is meeting in the warehouse during meredith's birthday party.

oh, my god, we have to be there. i know. but it's gonna be a little tough, because there's no good place to hide down there. no, no, yes there is. behind the shelves-- oh, my god. what, what, what? i know. i know. i know exactly what to do. great. (dwight) i'm a deer hunter. i go all the time with my dad. one thing about deer, they have very good vision. one thing about me, i'm better at hiding than they are...at vision. this is gonna be perfect, okay? centrally located. perfect cover. i can hear and see everything. good. [door knocking] michael. just a sec. are you done yet? almost there. just a...second. it is perfect. thank you. excellent. here we go. it is time. thank you. okay! c'mon, let's go! get the cake! here we go. c'mon, c'mon, c'mon! shh! be quiet! wait, this isn't gonna work. the lid's open. so, tape it down. i can't do that. then you won't be able to breathe. look, i can breathe just fine, okay, but if it makes you feel better, i'll poke holes in the box. thank you. thank you. okay. [door opening]

surprise! oh! surprise! no, it's a-- it's surprise, meredith! (michael) one, two, ♪ happy birthday to you ♪ find the key... ♪ happy birthday ♪ so, you want me to stay here and, you know, stand next to the box, or-- no! you need to go upstairs to the party so people don't notice that we're both gone. right. that's good. can i trust jim? i don't know. do i have a choice? no. frankly, i don't. will i trust jim? yes. should i trust jim? you tell me. ♪ happy birthday, dear meredith ♪ ♪ happy birthday to you ♪ and many more ♪

♪ looks like you started to make something. ♪ oh, a green! ♪ ♪ [ female announcer ] cheerios. with flavors your heart will love.

you were surprised, weren't yo yes. you looked freaked, man. we said, "surprise," and you were, like, "what? what the hell's goin' on here?" good cake. why don't you have some? i...i can't, um. c'mon. a little bit. a little bit. no, no, i can't eat dairy. oh, right. oh, god. too bad, it's so good. yeah, it makes me sick. you know what? if i were allergic to dairy, i think i'd kill myself. 'cause this is way, way too good. (pam) he's in a box? (jim) pam, he's in a box. he's downstairs in a box on the floor near the shelves. [laughs] i'm serious. go down there. and work your magic... (pam) hey, where are you? yeah, we were supposed to meet here. what? oh, my gosh! that ties in perfectly with something that michael was telling me earlier. i just don't know what some of the people in, like, accounting, are gonna do.

it said specifically that... oof... oh... hey, jim. good party, huh? just a little something i...whipped up, you know, a little morale boost. yeah? no big deal. speaking of which, i meant to tell you. very impressive. the, uh, donation you gave to oscar's charity. oh. what was that, 25 bucks? yeah, well, you know, money isn't everything, jim. it's not the key to happiness. you know what is? joy. you should remember that. maybe you'd give more than $3.00 next time. yeah, well, $3.00 a mile is going to end up being, like, 50 bucks. so... god, i can't even calculate what you're gonna have to give. is oscar around? i just thought it was a, kind of a flat, you know, $25 one-time donation. i didn't think it was a per-mile kinda deal, you know, so... well...that's what a walk-a-thon is. i know--

it says it right on the sheet. look, look at the sheet. it says it's however many dollars per mile. right. got it. yes. so, it does. um... i just think it's kind of cheap to "undonate" money to a charity. no. no, no, no, no, no. i-i wasn't--that wasn't what i was...no. i-i-it's not about the money. it's just... it's the ethics of the thing, oscar. how's your nephew? is he in good shape? yeah. how many miles did he do last year? last year, he walked 18 miles. son of a bitch. that is impressive! good for him. happy birthday, meredith. (michael) read it out loud. and say who wrote everything, so we know whose is the best. "happy bird-day."

"meredith, good news: "you're not actually a year older, because you work here, where time stands still." [laughter] i don't know about that-- (meredith) that was stanley. "meredith, happy birthday. you're the best, love, pam." (all) aw. blech! thanks, downer. [scoffs] (meredith) this is from michael. "meredith: let's hope the only downsizing "that happens to you is that someone downsizes your age." (michael) because of the downsizing. rumors. and because you're gettin' old. no, i get it-- it's funny. you didn't get the joke. so...that's cool. that's--you know what? actually, i have a bunch of these... good ones that i didn't use. um...oh, where's that, uh-- oh, okay, here's a good one. um, "hey, meredith, liz taylor called. she wants her age back and her divorces back."

'cause meredith's been divorced, like, twice? is that right? uh, you're right. (michael) did i get that right? okay. right. yes. divorce... um...oh, okay. "meredith is so old." how old is she? well, if everybody... could do it. "meredith is so old..." (everybody) how old is she? "she's so old, "she went into an antique store and they kept her." (michael) well, that wasn't even mine. i got that off the internet...website... so, don't get mad at me... uh... nice party, michael. this isn't my fault. um, ladies, not your best effort. the streamers? i think we could have done better than that, don't you think? phyllis wanted red. i didn't. oh, boy, you... okay, wait-- all right, people, hold on, hold on, hold on just a second, okay? i think we're losing sight of what is really important here. and, that is that we are a group of people

who work together. i was--i really wasn't gonna flaunt this. i have made a very sizeable donation to oscar's nephew's... walk-a-thon. $25. per mile. per mile, yes. when i retire, i-i-i don't want to just disappear to an island somewhere. i want to be the guy who gives everything back. a check for the kids. and for the team. (michael) i want it to be like, "hey, who donated that hospital wing... that is saving so many lives?" "uh, well, i don't-- i don't know. it was anonymous." "well, guess what? that was michael scott." "but, ah... it was anonymous, how do you know?" "because i'm him." (michael) come here.

don't cash that until friday, okay? really? today? yeah. oh. happy birthday. thanks. i could say something-- don't do that. okay. okay, okay-- i have something that totally tops the box! o tell me! tell me! okay. i have just convinced dwight that he needs to go to stamford, and spy on our other branch. no, no, no. (jim) but before he does so, i told him that he should dye his hair to go undercover. [laughter] if we can get him to drive to connecticut and put peroxide in his hair-- [door slams] what the hell is this? what, are you trying to cop a feel or somethin', halpert? no, dude, no-- dude, no, i was just-- listen--whoa-- god, i don't even-- i don't even know how to explain this. um, uh... dwight asked me to be in an alliance. [laughs] and, then, um, um, we were-- we've just been messing with him, uh, because of the whole alliance thing. um... it's just office pranks. it's stupid. it's just office pranks. an alliance?

what the hell's he talking about? i have absolutely no idea. c'mon. (dwight) do i feel bad about betraying jim? not. at. all. that's the game. convince him we're in an alliance, get some information, throw him to the wolves. that's politics, baby. get what you can out of someone, then crush them. i think jim might have learned a very valuable lesson. we'll take something tasty and healthy. ♪ ♪ if you wanna go and fly with me ♪ ♪ it's buzz t bee on your tv ♪ ♪ oh how did i get this way? ♪ hey! must be the honey! ♪ there's a party going on in your cereal bowl ♪ ♪ o's can help lower cholesterol ♪ ♪ oh why does it taste so great? ♪

♪ hey! must be the honey! ♪ ♪ hey! must be the honey! ♪ hey! must be the honey! deoxyribonucleic acid. he knew that. [ male announcer ] with everything. go! goooo! no. no no no no no. mommy's here. [ male announcer ] but that kind of love is...frowned upon. so instead she gives him capri sun. so he gets more of what he needs without all the "her" he doesn't think he need capri sun. with absolutely no artificial preservatives. mom swaps one of my snacks for a yoplait. i don't mind, i mean it's orange crème. and when mom said bobby was too edgy... 'sup girl. i just swapped him out for tyler. 'sup girl. mom never questioned bobby again.

two can play at this game. [ female announcer ] swap one snack a week for a yoplait. and everybody wins. yoplait. it is so good. the following program contains sting russ stunts that should not be reenacted. viewer discretion is advised. >> now on "whacked out sports," an announcer acts up after a woman wipes out. >> if you could come over here, we have a little diarrhea. >> we have snowball no-nos. >> a guy takes a face full.

jumping jack crash. babes hold their own grabathon. the "whacked out sports" sports top five. take a leak, "whacked out sports" is right now. ♪ [ music ] today's show is brought to you by newton's first law. it won't remain in motion if it's stopped by a wall, a tree, a rock, or that cukey thing. knee pads in place, helmets on,

let's break something. nascar has number 24, but the wackiest paint job is derrick light-foot in nber 20 hatchback, a melted bag of skittles. girlfriend loves to dance. that was pretty fresh. three full flips capped off by a half roundoff landing. what say you, judges? oh, he got robbed. [ applause ] >> they say if you want a new perspective, you have to change your point of view. these lang distance jumps look pretty awesome. from a few hundred feet up, they also look freaken rad. i can see my house from here.

yonder is the hospital. landing on a downward inline lowers the force of impact but not enough, apparently. check out his spokes. snapped like pere pretzel stick. that iv bag, a sports drink. the first thing you've got to do when this happen is replenish your electrolytes. if only there was a way to rush him to the hospital. oh, yeah, they have a helicopter. see, it all works out. from bikes to a snowmobile snafu. a wise man once said don't eat yellow snow. and an even wiser one said don't

eat it on a yellow snowmobile. see what i mean? your afternoon snow-mo is $500 pounds or eleven nicole richies, only not as pointy. then of course the worst part of any snowmobile wreck, the buddies gathering around to warm themselves on the heat radiating from your humiliation. where is th the yeddi attack whn you need one. >> being the "whacked out sports" announcer is glamourish. we have two kinds of free soda if the kitchen, but that's not why i do what i do. the most important thing is giving back to the community. like when i was ten, i stole a kick ball from the rec center but i totally gave it back, last

week. but my real public service passion is working for my favorite charity able organization, road strippers international. we take people who suffer from inner ear disorders and balance problems and put them on high performance motorcycles. you never stand so tall as when you drag someone out of a hospital bed and strapped them on to 250cc crotch rocket. our clients get a kick out of it. mike left most of his forearm on burnside avenue. i believe just because you can stand longer than 10 seconds at a time, it doesn't mean you shouldn't be able to pop a wheelie. does that make me a hero? i'm no hero, just a guy who wears a cape occasionally. coming up, daredevil dorks

hooked from the roof. this guy's got an ankle breaking heart. getting tacod on two wheels. commando women storm the beaches in a four wheelen friendscy and 1

drop that are remote, you just flipped over to "whacked out sports." a half hour of rubber necking, flaming wreckage, just to the package. we have grinders that are keepers, but mostly losers and weepers. if poor judgment was an olympic event. these goof balls would take the gold. that's the way with we swing on "whacked out sports." >> my adrenaline is pumping. >> once again, it's time to play -- >> thank you, thank you everybody.

we're here in new rochelle new york where danny westbrook is about to do the first and possibly the last stunt of his misguided le. he's 25 feet up on the roof and below is the mattress he sleeps on. you don't just get up on a roof and jump off. it takes a lot of stalling and chickening out. i guess he's not feeling it. maybe a little more runway for the takeof. nope. could he be coming to his senses? not with his friends there. nope, danny's commitmented, he's going to do it, even if it kills him. >> one last look at the target. takes a lot of courage to jump off a roof. discourage? i meant insanity. no turning back, not