>> dicky: from hollywood, it's " jimmy kimmel live" ! tonight, jason bateman -- from " how to get away with naomi king. this week in unnecessary censorship -- and music from ceelo green tones. and now, if there are no further

[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. thanks for watching. thanks for coming. thanks for everything.to get to tonight. we have so many important things tonight. i'm going to solve all your problems tonight but first, i from my mother. my mother texted me a joke this morning. a donald trump joke. do you want to hear it? [ cheers and applaust answer is no. all right. so this came in. it came in at 10:05:00 a.m. we used to love donald duck.r donald that makes us want to duck. [ laughter ]

get it. she actually took time. oh i got a good one and typed it. sent it to me. but as funny as my mother is she has nothing on mitt romney. i'll tell you that. mitt romney this morning made a televised speech in which he r donald trump. he called him a phony and a fraud. he said he's playing the american public for suckers. i haven't seen mitt this fired up since that time he dripped mayonnaise on a new pair of chambray dockers. he had steam coming out. out of every orifice. i love him making the decision to speak out. mitt, don't do this. i'm sorry, ann, but someone has is nation. it's like watching your dad march out to the blacktop to have a talk with the schoolyard bully. of it. he went after him and the mitt hit the fan. >> donald trump is a phony and a

a degree from trump university. he's playing the members of the american public for suckers.ide to the white house and all we get is a lousy hat.that he is very, very smart. i'm afraid that when it comes to foreign policy, he is very, very not smart. thank you. >> jimmy: good one, mitt. mitt romney is the big gun the republicans sent in to stop trump, they're in a lot of trouble.ter maid in to break up a prison riot. trump of course responded as he often does by releasing this video from 2012 when romney was running for president. has shown an extraordinary ability to understand how our economy works, to create jobs for the american people. private

not quite as successful as this guy but successful nonetheless. so i want to say thank you to donald trump and look forward to seeing you out on the trail. thank you, donald.immy: yeah, that's how -- we see more honest relationships between professional wrestlers than politicians and it's important to remember that. is trying his hardest to be more presidential lately. he even started to offer specifics about stuff. he released his health care plantty good. you have a protein shake for breakfast and another one for lunch and sensible dinner and it works. no, the plan claims it will ndividuals needing access to programs like medicaid. which i'm sure it will. if trump becomes president it of individuals living in the united states. here's trump touting his fantastic new health care plan. care you'll love trump health care. treat yourself to the very, very

you can enjoy the world's n your own home with family, friends, any time and believe me, i understand health care. it's my favorite food. health care, i've just raised the stakes. trump health care, the world's greatest health care.ry sense of the word. and the sharper image is the only store where you can buy health care. >> jimmy: that seems inconvenient.] >> jimmy: hey, you know el chapo is back in prison.on from which he escaped. you know el chapo, right? fans? he wants to come to the united states.ing to be extradited because the guards at his prison won't let him sleep. they move him around so he can't tunnel out and there's a dog cell all night long and i guess it's

in a court document he's quoted as saying my head feel bad all over. oh, that poor baby. somebody needs to do something. why do i feel like this ends with el chapo crashing on a ouse? speaking of boisterous dogs, this is from fox 13 in memphis, a good clip from memphis last night. they're in the spotlight for providing us this. a new edition of "excellence in reporting." weekend here. we got a dog, we're in frazier right now. go on. i got a dog that's apparently down boy, get out of here. it's a stray dog. i'm really kind of -- i tell you what, we're going to come back to you becng to leave me alone. we'll be back. >> jimmy: all right. [ cheers and applause ]t to fill

snausages. it's journalism 101. tonight in detroit there's another republican debate. which reunited donald trump with megyn kelly for the first time since their feud beganst. because of megyn kelly trump skipped the last fox debate so this was what they called the big rematch and i think it says a lot about this campaign in general that it's its rival is the moderator instead of one of the other candidates. trump was there rubio was there, cruz was there, that other guy john something was there and dr. ben carson was not there. ben carson is giving a speech s expected to suspend his campaign. suspend means end. why they don't just call it end, i don't know. race for president. america needs a sleepy president. time. dr. carson i think should not be forgotten and to make sure that he's remembered by the next

pay tribute to him.. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: you see it's called is i would love to. all right. here we go. we'll put it up on the screen. in ben carson's bedroom there isoon and ben and jesus jumping over the moon. good night, cap bell. good night, pyramids filled with grain. good night, lion. good night, friend he tried to stab. goodnight guns goodnight sled, goodknight crazy [ bleep ] he said. good night stars, good night e. so say goodnight and go to bed. make room for marco, make room for ted.nd goodnight stump.

comes trump. [ applause ] [ cheers and applause ] when we come back from the break the dumbest game show ever and "this week in unnecessary censorship" too, so stick around, we'll be right back.lause ] today' s the day! es for my feet. see when i was a kid there was a handle. and a face. this is nice. and does it come in a california king? getting roid rage. hemorrhoid. right? i' m gonna buy them. boom. i' ll take them. impulse buy. ommmmmmmmmmm. american express presents the blue casnual fee. it' s all happening. cash back on purchases. here we go! backed by the service and

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and democracy that works for all and not just the powerful few. >> jimmy: welcome back, jason and music from ceelo green is on the way. first we're about to debut a game i'm excited about.

by our studio to win real cash.ency. all they need to know is who is on the currency. it's time to play "on the money."boulevard. cousin sal is standing by with our first contestant. hello, who is it? >> sal: meet jimmy. >> jimmy,my: how are you doing? >> doing good, how about yourself. >> jimmy: where are you from, jimmy? >> mississippi. >> jimmy: are you on vacation? look at that character behind you. are you here on vacation? >> yes. jimmy: how long are you in town? >> for the weekend. i'm actually moving here actually from mississippi i'm here trying to get set up. >> jimmy: you're moving here for the weekend.sketchy already. >> i just moved in. i'm trying to pursue a career. n't let him clown on you. >> jimmy: we have a whole show going on in the background behind you. just fyi. here's how the game works. we're going to start with a

sal. don't show it to jimmy, though. your job is to tell me who is on that penny, okay. >> look like abraham lincoln. o you mean looks like abraham lincoln? that is correct. now here's the big question.ere and keep the penny or do you want to keep going and try your luck with a nickel. >> let's try our luck with the t got to say if you get the nickel wrong you don't get to keep the penny, okay? >> okay. >> jimmy: wow, he's going for it everybody.] >> jimmy: that's what i like. all right who, jimmy, is on the nickel? ton. >> jimmy: why do you keep saying looks like? are you seeing a nickel right now? >> oh, man. think he's seeing a lot of things. >> i'm nervous, i'm nervous.

>> jimmy: jimmy, i'm sorry. it's thomas jefferson. i'm so sorry to see that happen but we do have a con it's "on the money: the home game." so you can take that home and play that back in mississippi, all right? all right.dy else in there. hi there. how are you doing? >> good, how are you? >> jimmy: i'm doing well. >> houston texas. >> jimmy: so you're not with jimmy. >> i'm not with jimmy. >> jimmy: i just figured you were a duo. >> we're not a duo. >> jimmy: all right. what do yo an architect. >> jimmy: very good, are you here on vacation? >> i am. >> jimmy: having a good time? >> jimmy: what's been the highlight so far? >> got here last night and just took a tour so i know a little bit about all the areas in los angeles. >> jimmy: i like that. i do the same thing. start with a tour and explore from there.he same mind. do you know your presidents? >> yes i do. >> jimmy: very good. all right. so it's time to play on the money.

we'll stwho is on the penny. >> lincoln. >> jimmy: that is correct. abraham lincoln. now do you want to keep going?to guess who is on the nickel or do you want to take that penny home? >> i'll guess who is on the nickel. or it, everybody. i love it. have you thought about what you might do with the money if you win? >> well, in los angeles, not much. >> jimmy: all right.is on the nickel? >> jefferson. >> jimmy: that is correct. do you want to try to double what does the audience think? should he go for it? >> i'll do it.oing to go for it. he's going to go for it.

tell from in there butght now. very exciting. >> jimmy: i can see that. kerry, who is on the dime? >> roosevelt. ing me? that's right. now you got a dime.at dime and head back home or do you want to go -- do you want to go for the quarter? >> i'll go for the quarter. immy: he's going for the quarter. >> sal: may i say, i've seen too many people lose at this. are you sure? you have 16 cents. a winner. >> i'll do it. >> jimmy: he's going to do it! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: kerry, who is on the

>> god, it's -- franklin. >> jimmy: franklin?at was the easiest one. oh, kerry, i'm sorry. but cousin sal is going to have to take all your money back. i'm so sorry but we do have a -- n prize for you. >> sal: heartbreaker. >> jimmy: okay. well, you know what, that's all the time we have.t it gets wild. you know, it just shows. gambling is a --lous. i don't know why i felt the same emotions i feel watching "who wants to be a millionaire" there. well we'll do that again even have time for "unnecessary censorship" anymore? to hell with it, who cares. we have a good show for you here tonight. jason bateman is on the show and ceelo green. we'll be right back with jason

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hi, gang. tonight, from " how to get away with murder," which aired earlier tonight on abc, aja naomi king. then his album is called ceelo green from the samsung stage. his concert, " ceelo green, live in l.a.," airs march 11th on directv and u-verse. tonight he is doing a very beautiful so next week on the show we will have naomi watts, ray romano viola davis, john legend, connie britton, isla fisher, ouis c.k., plus, music from eliot sumner, the wild feathers, st. lucia, and the suffers. so please join us.-- we had a big special sunday night. " live after the oscars" special or only saw parts of it online, we're airing it again tomorrow , chris rock, tracy morgan,

henry cavill, jesse eisenberg, hold on, i only have 13 more. sacha baron cohen, and we tried to edit matt damon out of the show, but it screwed everything up, so that jerk will be on it too.night, tomorrow night, at our regularly scheduled time. our first best tonight has been entertaining us for more than 30 years, and frankly, he's exhausted, but he soldiers on, o new disney animated film, "zootopia "zootopia." >> well now wait a minute.ck music, fancy cop. i know whose car this is. we've got to go. >> whose car is it?me boss. they call him mr. big and he does not like me. we got to go. >> i'm not leaving, this is a crime scene. >> it's going to be a bigger crime scene if mr. be leaving right now. >> raymond! long time, no see. speaking of no see how about you

huh?mes' sake. >> jimmy: "zoopotia" opens tomorrow. please say hello to jason bateman. ] >> jimmy: welcome. welcome. very good to see you. >> wow.] >> jimmy: no belt huh? is that a new thing? no belt? >> i don't think you're supposed to do a belt, jimmy.o you mean? there are loops for a belt. why wouldn't you do a belt? >> i understand that but amanda tells me -- >> jimmy: your wife? >> that's my wife.he says. that you don't need a belt anymore. >> jimmy: wow.

the fashion 411. >> jimmy: i'm not as hip as you are. >> molly is not as hip as amanda, sounds like. >> jimmy: i'm embarrassed now. in fact --off right now. >> let's do it. [ applause ] >> these guys missed a heavy bass line. >> jimmy: how you doing? >> you don't listen to what molly says. >> jimmy: she didn't tell me not to wear a belt.d. i would listen to her. if she told me not to wear a belt. sometimes she -- you know, i don't dress great. outside of this show i wear a suit for an hour and i'm a hobo the rest of the time. >> what about the beard?t the beard? >> jimmy: she likes the beard. that's why it's still on the face. yeah. >> does jane like the beard? >> jimmy: my daughter, jane. . >> jimmy: figured i'd throw that in there so there's no confusion.ion jane on the show! our weekends alone are our weekends alone! >> they bought you have a kid. they bought it. >> jimmy:

nuts for it. rotten tomatoes, 83 reviews, all good reviews. 92 badpplause ] >> that's very good. >> i've never been in a 100% film. >> jimmy: it's your first 100%. ctually in it. you just hear me in it but i'll take the thumbs up. >> jimmy: you've been doing this -- how old were you when you started out in television? >> 10. rs old. >> yeah. >> jimmy: and honestly. i'm not just saying this. you look the same as before you cracked puberty. you really do look very youthful. [ cheers and applause ] lot of work. >> jimmy: is it just luck? >> it's a lot of work. i get a lot of cheap work done down in t.j.p in here a couple of years ago and i cinch that up before i do tv and i listen to my wife. truly. >> jimmy: what does she tell you? >> to hydrate. all right? water, both with, you

>> jimmy: you do all that stuff? do all of that but i live with her and if she's not happy i hear about it. >> jimmy: right. >> sometimes it can be dangerous.-- she has been on me to get a facial, you know? >> jimmy: why? >> exactly. [ laughter ]ause she just thinks maintenance is like, you have to keep up with it. right? i'm not into the whole -- i do like a good massage. don't get me wrong. but the facials, the manicures and toe stuff, whatever that's that's -- that's not me. but she was persistent. >> jimmy: they're pedicures by the way. >> that's it. she and a buddy gang up on me my birthday and i finally schedule

it.d the gal says, you going to want to go ahead and take your clothes off and put this robe on and meet me in the back room where the hot tub is.y want to quick dial my wife and ask her what's on this package. [ laughter ]ecial birthday? >> exactly. but i go with it and i take my end of the hallway and there's nothing but a hot tub in there. this is high-end -- it's on the border of beverly hills. so i'm trusting. just go with it. >> and she's in there, nice enough woman. the tub looks like a -- looks food in. it's bubbling and it's hot. and so she says jump in.

but i've been married 15 years. no one's seen this -- anything -- for 15 years. and i'm a shy guy.tion myself where she can't see me once i drop the robe and i find that position. but i'm not going to lallyg to get right in the water. it's bubbling so i can get everything under and she can't -- she's not going to see it. so i jump in there. i lose a good layer of skin getting in there. the derma, first layer of derma is gone which is i assume part of the treatment. so i'm feeling pain but i'm ? so i'm in there, it's really hot. i'm trying to smile. she says i'm going to see you in'll continue with the rest of the program. so she leaves. i figure 20 minutes, that's a lot. five mingoes by. i'm super hot. i'm tingling, sweating. starting to see different

i power through it. so 20 minutes goes by.ays, okay, next up. sorry i don't have a pair of disposable boxers for you.? she said now i'm going to clean you. it's 10:30 on a wednesday. i'm pretty clean.hot as hell. and she says don't worry about it. she hit is the button, the bubbles stop. now i'm in an [ laughter ] [ applause ] so now i'm sweating double because of the anxiety. e loofa gloves and hits it with some liquid soap. she pulls a full leg up out of the water and starts rubbing the leg trying to exfoliate what eft. and she starts making terrible

the other leg, she scrubs that. says now we have to hose you off with ice water.ike at this point i'm already feeling like a broccoli or a lobster or something and i guess you bl water? >> jimmy: hot into the cold yeah. >> right? she says stand up i have to hose you off. so now she wants to hit it with cold water. everything is wrong. she hoses me off. she leaves. down in the massage room. i get out. i start to towel off and i'm starting to feel terrible. i'm starting to really see spots now and i'm feeling nauseous. >> jimmy: for real? headed. because i've lost a great deal of water. >> jimmy: you're not hydrated. >> she's boiled me like a clam. you know?i take a knee because i feel like i might -- the lights might go out. and i want tnd. i see a chair in the corner. i start to shimmy over there on my knees and that's the last i remember.

i'm out.ely dehydrated and i'm unconscious. because the next thing i know i wake up. i'm sitting in t my first image is just a hand towel or a face towel that's on my garbage. water being poured on me by a coffee mug from three eastern european women now saying god is great. thanks god. he's still alive. seven paramedics around me. i was unresponsive for seven minutes. this is what my wife has done toity going. [ laughter ] [ applause ] i had to get on the phone with at i'm refusing transport. i'm like, you're not taking me out on a gurney onto sunset boulevard, naked on a wednesday afternoon.

afternoon, you know? [ laughter ] [ applause ]facial? >> i didn't make it to the facial. >> jimmy: you didn't get a facial. >> but it was paid for so i had to return a week later to get the goods. you did? >> i did. >> jimmy: wow. [ cheers and applause ] that's ridiculous.everybody. "zootopia" opens in theaters everywhere tomorrow. we'll be right back. y censorship." n suv? well, this is the time. and your ford dealer is the place, to get 0% financing for 60 months on a ford suv. that's right. just announced.r...edge...escape... and expedition... are available with 0% financing for 60 months. ford suvs. designed to help you be unstoppable.america's best selling brand. but hurry, 0% financing for 60 months

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[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: before we march ahead it's thursday night.o bleep and blur the big tv moments of the week whether they need it or not. it's "this week in unnecessary censorship." [ cheers and applause ]od is still all abuzz after the academy awards and one of the biggest stories of the night was of course leonardo dicaprio's big [ bleep ]. >> trump,ighting [ bleep ]. >> who would have believed it. >> [ bleep ] you texas!

>> right. marco rubio called him an [ bleep ], john kasich an [ bleep ], tonight. >> swlitly depressed due toace. that compression months longer present causing the [ bleep ] to expand. >> i want to just underscore that there could not be a bigger>> welcome back to "fox news sunday." >> [ bleep ] you. >> you're going first? >> i think[ bleep ]ed. >> by the end of tonight, we are going to of [ bleep ]s. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we'll be king. [ cheers and applause ] this is a body of proof. proof of less joint pain. and clearer skin. body of proof that i can fight psoriatic arthritis ...with humira.

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>> jimmy: our next guest is part of the most homicidal group of interns in the history of higher education. her show is called, " how to get it airs thursdays at 10:00 on abc. please say hello to aja naomi

>> jimmy: you look fantastic. thank you for coming. >> thank you. not too bad yourself. >> jimmy: your show "how to get away with up for a third season today. >> yes. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: congratulations. i should say assuming you will make it to the end of this season alive. it's only congratulations to those that survive. >> jimmy: exactly. it's bitter for the others, isn't it? >> yeah. rat party hard. >> jimmy: where are you from?lifornia. >> jimmy: where is walnut, california? >> walnut is southeast los angeles. like the 101 south to the 60 east. umed it would be this northern -- >> there's a walnut creek up north. we're walnut without the creek. >> jimmy: you'll get a creek soon. don't worry. >> one day. >> jimmyart? >> yes. >> jimmy: that's all you need. >> that and target.

acting job? >> my first job -- well my first job out of school was working at disneyland. >> jimmy: what was that like? >> that was acting job. because i had to act very happy all the time. >> jimmy: you weren't? >> it gets a little crazy at disneyland.dcore than people would think. >> jimmy: when you're there every day it loses some of the charm. >> a little bit of the luster was gone. >> jimmy: what did you do at disneyland? >> i w member. >> jimmy: you were like on the indiana jones -- would you dress up in the thing? >> yeah, we had the skorts and the hats and the tie. way! >> jimmy: when you get a job at disneyland is that one of the costumes you hope you get to wear or hope you don't have to wear?lifornia are hot so it's not so fun to be

>> jimmy: you don't want to have>> yeah. >> jimmy: then what are your responsibilities as an indiana jones? >> well, the biggest one is checking height requirements on kids coming through the park. >> yeah. it's a big safety issue. a lot of parents like to try and get their kids through the ride. >> jimmy: do you ever have instance, we have a producer here at the show. his name is jason. and sometimes jason is -- i make the height requirement on the ride. if an adult didn't make it would you go, to hell with it, put him on and if he you going to do? [ laughter ] >> there are like ten other safety checks. so if he came by me i would probably just let him go through.et him go through. >> i wouldn't want to be the one to say i'm sorry, sir. young man. >> jimmy: but that probably does happen, doesn't it? >> that might happen. >> jimmy: oh mthat would be. and there's no height limit, right? you can be as tall as you want

>> that's a good question. >> yeah. i don't know. >> jimmy: it's really only short people that get the short end of the stick. >> short end of the stick, yeah.ble. >> i know. >> jimmy: did you go from that job right into acting? >> i went to school for many, many years. >> jimmy: you went to school? did you quit?rking at disneyland and quitting that job started a long line of me quitting by just not showing up anymore. tead of telling them i don't want to be here anymore you let them figure it out for themselves? >> yeah. like i guess she's not coming in today either. so what did places do when you do that? i did do that once, actually. yeah but it was the first day and i just lefnt back. yeah. >> well, with disneyland i had

could not bring myself to go and do ent for me. >> jimmy: oh what a bad lesson that is. >> yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: what a very bad -- good father, bad lesson. that's a right there. >> he should have made me go but i wouldn't have gone. >> jimmy: he dropped off the costume? >> went and dropped it all off.ng the hat? here it is. >> it would have looked good on him. >> jimmy: that's interesting. what don't we know about disneyland. they say there's a jail there. a prisonail there but there's a lot of intricate tunnels going throughout the park so that you can walk around what's called backstage without being on stage where the rest of the guests are. ant them to see you. >> yeah. no one wants to see mickey with his head off. >> jimmy: yeah. well i do. i'd love to see mickey with his head off. for be terrifying. >> traumatizing, yeah. >> jimmy: you'd think a giant mouse would be scarier. >> he's all soft and cuddly.

yeah. you just -- it's like being in the kitchen of a restaurant.anything. but yeah. you're working for disney again now in a way. >> i know. i love disney. >> jimmy: i hope you don't get in trouble for this. love disney so much. >> jimmy: thon dewon't -- if you try to just walk off "how to get with a power drill. [ cheers and applause ] she won't tolerate it. it's very nice to meet you. congratulations on the show and all of your success.ody. " how to get away with murder" airs thursdays at 10:00 pm on abc. we'll be right back with ceelo green. >> dicky: the jimmy kimmel live concert series is presented by

the jimmy kimmel live concert series is presented by samsung. >> jimmy: i want to thank jason bateman, aja naomi king and apologize to matt damon. we ran out of time.ut first, his album is called " heart blanche." here with the song, " robin williams,"

oh what a night oh what a night tears in my eyes staring up at the sky in i've got a voice in my head voice in my head that's what it said all we really need is some comic relief afraid of not being

o become anymore heroes we don't know what the next man's going through wish i could say it in a plainer way i said we don't know minds me of robin williams we've got to laugh the pain away we don't know what the next man's going through wish i could say it in a plainer way i said we don't know life reminds me of robin williams we've got to laugh the pain away john belushi knew you and me better than we knew ourselves and we all listen to richard pryor yeah i think don't make philip seymour hoffman often now

but i'm afraid of not being able to laugh anymore ohh what's life going to become more heroes the next man's going through wish i could say it in a plainer way 't know life reminds me of robin williams we've got to laugh the pain away we don't know what the next wish i could say it in a plainer way said we don't know life reminds me of david bowie we've got to dance the pain away

maurice can you hear me? oh we don't know can you hear me oh, yes

[ cheers and applause ] ust a perfect day drink sangria in the park n later when it gets dark we go home just a perfect day feed animals in the zoo then later a movie

oh yes such a perfect day this is "nightline." chaos in chicago. cels a campaign rally amid security concerns in chicago. thousands of protesters and supporters take to the streets as tensions rise in the windy city. has the tough talk gone too far? body hulk hogan takes on "gawker" over a leaked sex tape. the plaintiff rests its case in the $100 million courtroom itness having a tough week. >> it started off like that. >> where does hulk mania end and privacy begin? first theor the best deals get to lumber liquidators spring