? ? my favorite part about being a dad is just to see their faces in the morning when i wake them up. the first thing you think about is your wife and your kids and your family. you think about what life would be like for them, without you. so i had surgery locally, and it came back after my follow up that i needed a second surgery. and that's when i said i need a second opinion. from the moment i walked through the doors, they greet you, they're smiling and i love the fact that they included me in the whole process and asked me what i wanted to do. it makes you feel like you're part of the family. rod came in with ah, pretty advanced cancer and i remember thinking, he's just like me, he's like my twin. we're almost the same age, the same height- he's much more athletic- but almost the same life circumstances as far as having kids and raising a family, he just happens to have cancer.

radiation and surgery in order to shrink the tumor, so that the surgeon could take it out. i feel like this was the right way for me, and the right treatment for me, and the right process for me to go through. the diagnosis of cancer is one of those things that you want an answer now. we can do now here, and that is something that they appreciate because we match the sense of urgency that they have. if you or a loved one have been diagnosed with team of experts who only treat cancer, every stage, every day. at cancer treatment centers of america, it's not one thing we do, it's the only thing we do. call or visit cancercenter.com for more information. it's a new normal for me right now, makes you appreciate the little things in life. every moment counts. the evolution of cancer care is here.

[earthquake rumbling] well, it's all over, pop, how do you feel?

i'll tell you, pop. you know, it's a... it's a good thing we don't live closer to the san andreas fault. it could have been a lot worse. how could it be worse? look at all my stuff, it's broken. walls all cracked. oh, no! look at my antique chair. my louis the 14th. hey, why don't you sit down over there, pop. try to compose yourself. yeah. 'cause these earthquakes is hard on a fella. i don't understand why people move out here. earthquakes on the coast. 120 degree temperature on the desert. you ought to change the name of california

what's a matter, grady? well, it's really nothing much to be concerned about, mr. sanford. he's merely experiencing a mild gastrointestinal imbalance, precipitated by acute anti-gravitational pull in the lower abdominal cavity. i gotta throw up! gonna be all right. i'm just a little seasick from the earthquake. i take it you and lamont have read this morning's paper, the article about the 2 russian seismologists. oh, yeah, i saw it. say, lamont, what's he talking about? what 2 russians? well, these 2 russian seismologists said they've discovered a new fault. well, what was wrong with the old one? and they're predicting a massive earthquake on november 6. november 6? that's only 5 days away! don't worry about a thing, pop.

with you, lamont. today is november 1, and it's extremely possible that november 6 is only 5 days away. excuse me, mr. wilson, i think what lamont meant was that the massive earthquake is unlikely to happen. oh, that's good! wow, thank you, lamont! you know, none of the american experts agree with the russian experts, either. what do they say? well, here's a newspaper. should be an article right here on the front page, reprinted courtesy of that fantastically respected publication, pravda. now, according to the 2 commie pinkos, the fault begins up here in the san fernando valley, cuts down the san diego freeway to the schlossen cut off, and it-- the schlossen cut off, do you know what that is? that's where you get out of your car and cut off your schlossen. here's johnny! here's knuckles!

slices into watts, right past 9114 south central, turns eastward-- hold it, hold it, hold it. did you say 9114? this is 9114 south central! holy moly, i am standing on a potential earthquake! that is bad luck. you know what they say? step on a crack, break your mother's back. well, so short. lamont: so long! so long, right. hey, son. come on, give me a hand covering up some of these cracks before the people get here to see the house. hey, pop, you're not selling this house. who said anything about selling it? i'm unloading it on the first sucker that makes me an offer. and then what are you going to do? where are you going to live then? oh, probably nevada. you know, i've been looking at some prime

nevada isn't on the ocean! it will be after the quake. now, come on with me, son, you'll have fun. i'm not going to nevada. ok. you got three days before "q" day to think about it. [knock on door] that must be mr. and mrs. sucker johnson. now listen, don't try to serve them no gingerbread cookies or nothing like that. i'm gonna get them in here fast, and get them on out of here in case there's another tremor. ng to do with this. well then, stay out of it. mind your own business. [mumbling] hello. we're the johnsons from kansas city. yes, the suckers-- i mean, the johnsons. come right in. come right in, i'll show you right over here. move, honey, move. this is the kitchen over here, and this is the living room. this is 15 by 8, it was built in 1921. and then in 1965, we repainted the place. and uh, and over here, south of the carpet some, all this furniture is original reproduction of something famous.

come on, right up here. move, honey, move! y'all go ahead up there. come on. there you are. now, look here, this is the bedroom. [closes door] second bedroom. [closes door] sunroom. [closes door] bathroom. lamont: hey! excuse me. [closes door] [inaudible] now, back to the living room. hurry, move faster, folks. back to the living room. hey, you gonna take it? well, i think i'd like to see it first. well, i've seen enough, mavis. it's perfect, mr. sanford. i can relocate my junk business here with no problem at all. good, good. leonard, are you crazy? this place looks like an earthquake hit it. shut up, lady! now, listen, i'll accept any reasonable offer. [earthquake rumbling] any reasonable offer. see, any way you want to pay, you can pay anything you want down, it don't make no difference.

ering] it's older, you can just-- i'll change the price for you. i'll be very flexible with the price. if you can move in, any time you get ready, you can move right in here! you can move right in. what-- what--what was that? oh, that. well, see, that was the watts subway. you heard of the watts line? that was it. i didn't know los angeles had a subway. shh. yes, but we're trying to keep it a secret because we don't want no overcrowding. well, i'll give you $11,000. i was thinking more like 22, and i won't take a cent less than 22. well. come along, mavis. now, wait a minute, wait a minute. i lied. i lied. i'll accept. i'll accept. now, here's the keys to the house, and-- now, wait a minute, leonard. this place is-- i don't know, i wish you'd reconsider this place, it's so ramshackle. why don't you take that shackle and ram it in your mouth? then it's all set.

leonard, why don't we just take the subway? hey, that's a good idea, leonard. why don't y'all take the subway, right on out there. take the subway. where's the nearest subway station, mr. sanford? just walk east. and turn left in philadelphia. here, son, $270 smackeroos, from my once in a lifetime, earth-shaking, eve of destruction sale. not bad, eh? not bad? you sold all our merchandise a third of what it's worth. change your mind, son. come on to las vegas. no. just for one day. then you can come back after the disaster, when it's safe. if it's safe. come back to what? the house is in escrow. and it will be in the ocean. the house won't even be ours in 10 days. [knock on door] come in! fred: hold it right there. you see, i just had my rug cleaned, get that mud off your feet.

yeah, i just did my mirrors. wipe that ugly off your face. why, you old big-eyed fool! wait a minute! [inaudible] you better watch yourself, fred sanford. you've been sinning and transgressing all your life! if the lord want to strike you down, he'll find you. even if you have to go to las vegas. well, he better not come to las vegas this weekend, 'cause frank sinatra is in town, and all the rooms are filled. you know, pop, aunt esther's right, man. when your time comes, it comes. earthquake or no earthquake. oh, glory! like the bible says, "there's a time to live, and a time to die. a time to sow, and a time to reap." and a time to shut up, and a time to creep out. i'm shutting up, and i'm creeping out. you old heathen.

well, son, i better be going, 'cause i don't wanna miss my bus. hey, pop, can't i talk you out of it? i think you're-- i think you're acting foolish. if your mother and i had known we were going to have a son that didn't know the difference between careful and foolish, we'd have been a little more careful

would you say no to a lot more money? [excited scream] you just won a million dollars! no thanks. or no to more vacation days? janet, i'm giving you an extra week's vacation! oh, ah... nooo. what? no way. who says no to more? time warner cable's all about giving you more. like the most free hd channels and virtually unlimited movies and shows on demand, so you can binge all day. call now. and don't forget the free tv app. get ultra-fast internet with secure home wifi to connect all your devices. saving on mobile data fees,

ble. for $89.99 a month you'll get free hd channels, 100 meg internet and unlimited calling to half the world. we can call aunt rose as much as we want now. switching is easy. get our exclusive 1-hour arrival window, a money-back guarantee with no contract to sign. plus get free installation, tv equiment and epix included. really? honest...no.

thank you, brother. fred: 5! come on, 5! come on, 5! dog gone, lost again. jeez. i almost had it. fred: stupid craps table. dumb roulette wheel. 21! that's 23. whoa!

you merv griffin, ain't you? yeah, yeah i am. can you hold my racket? hey, listen, you merv griffin, you the one that got that tv show that's been on a long time? yeah. well, if you're merv griffin, it looks like you'd have enough money to get a pair of pants that go all the way down to the floor. are you kidding? i'm a sportsman, these are my tennis shorts! well, i'm a sportsman, too. yeah. well, look, hold this. here's my polo shirt. yeah. you want to see my jockey shorts? no, i don't want to see your jockey shorts. ou? some kind of nut? what do you mean, nut?

hey, honey, wait a minute, wait! what is it? i mean, it's just a fountain. throw a coin in there. what for? that's caesar's lucky wishing pond. well, i could use some luck. [splash]

aren't you... [stammering] steve and eydie? i'm just steve. she's eydie. yeah, i'm fred g. sanford. i'm in antiques. yeah, i see. and you really look good in them! that's funny. listen, if you're ever in los angeles, feel free to call on me. thanks, but i'd rather use a phone. oh, jeez. well, nice to see you, freddy. come on, darling. you hear that, elizabeth? eydie called me stevie--freedy-- freddy. hey, wait a minute, buddy. i got 25 cents in there. no, back out the way, man, i got 25-- [coins falling] look at that, that's my jackpot! that's my jackpot there! i had 25. i had--

[telephone rings] [rings] all right, all right! [rings] hello? oh, yeah, operator. i'll accept the charges. hi, pop. hey, lamont, i've been trying to reach you all night. i know, i was out on a date. i just came in. yeah, i was worried about you. how's the damage? what damage? there was no damage, pop. the earthquake didn't happen, man. time is up, you can come home now. lamont, are you sure the house is still standing? i'm positive, pop. and you weren't killed? no, i wasn't killed. you're not just saying that to make me feel bad, are you? would you stop it? now, get on the bus and come home. i can't. i don't have no fare. i lost all my money. well, i don't know what to tell you, pop. you took all the money we had here in the house to vegas. i know, i know. i know. ok, bye, son. bye. i ain't got no money to even try and get my money back. i need a steak.

a nickel, a dime, a quarter-- a quarter. i know were i can get a quarter. and it's my own money. hey, you bum! get out of there before you go to jail! i lost my money. i'm going to jail. oh, elizabeth! i'm coming to join you, honey! i need this money! ? nobody knows you ?

? in my pocket, not one penny ? ? and my friends, i haven't any ? ? but if i ever get on my feet again ? ? then i'll meet my long lost friend ? ? it's mighty strange, without a doubt ? ? nobody knows you when you down and out ? ? i mean, when you down and out ? you bigot! ? ? if you're on medicare, remember, the open enrollment period is here. the time to choose your medicare coverage begins october 15th and ends december 7th. so call unitedhealthcare to enroll... in a plan that could give you the benefits and stability you're looking for,

insured through unitedhealthcare. what makes it complete? it can combine medicare parts a and b, which is your hospital and doctor coverage with part d prescription drug coverage, and more, all in one simple plan for a low monthly premium or in some areas, no plan premium at all. an aarp medicarecomplete plan offers you benefits like an annual physical, preventive screenings and most immunizations all for a $0 copay. you'll also have access to and much more. you can get routine vision and hearing coverage, a fitness membership to help you stay active, and worldwide emergency care. for prescriptions, you'll pay the plan's lowest price, whether it's your co-pay or the pharmacy price. or pay zero dollars for a 90-day supply of your tier 1 and tier 2 drugs, delivered right to your door. in fact, our medicare advantage plan members

now is the time to look at your options. start getting the benefits of an aarp medicarecomplete plan insured through unitedhealthcare. unitedhealthcare has been helping medicare beneficiaries for over 30 years. we'll connect you with the right people, help schedule your appointments, and with renew by unitedhealthcare, you can learn about healthy living and earn rewards, too. remember, medicare open enrollment ends december 7th. call unitedhealthcare today n. you can even enroll right over the phone. don't wait. call unitedhealthcare or go online now.

lamont? lamont? hey. what's the matter with you, pop? you look like you've been in an accident. worse. what could be worse being on a chicken truck. well, i hate to say i told you so, pop, but it's your own fault. no, it's not. it's the russian's fault. they promised us something and didn't deliver. we should sue 'em. for what? failure to deliver the quiver. why don't you just forget about it, pop, and chalk it up to experience. and the next time, don't believe everything you read. yeah, some experience.

and i lost all my money in las vegas. then i went to jail and dried out. you were drunk? no, no, no. there was 3 coins in the fountain, and i jumped in and got mine out of it. and then i sold my house-- i unsold it. i don't-- you what? while you were gone, i called up the johnsons, and i told them why you wanted to sell, and they said if we didn't give them the money back, they were going to sue us for misrepresentation. seems that there's a law in this state against what you did. yeah, the old "calling an earthquake a subway" law. you learned something from all of this. i did learn something, son, and i'm sorry that i said that you was crazy, and that you was a dummy. because when you called those johnsons back, and got our house back, that was a smart-- [earthquake rumbling] why didn't you unload this turkey like i told you? i told you! oh, no, son!

listen, why don't call them johnsons back, and i'll sell them the house for $1,000! call them yourself! where you going?

captioning made possible by sony pictures television

? good times ? ? anytime you need a payment ? ? good times ? ? anytime you need a friend ? ? good times ? ? anytime you're out from under ? ? not getting hassled, not getting hustled ? ? keeping your head above water ? ? making a wave when you can ? ? temporary layoffs ? ? good times ? s ? ? good times ? ? scratching and surviving ? ? good times ? ? hanging in a chow line ? ? good times ? ? ain't we lucky we got 'em? ?